Social Graces

Q: Some men and women in the office are adjusting to the warmer weather by disregarding dress code policies. How do you tell a co-worker what she is wearing isn't appropriate for the office? It’s not really a person’s place to speak about the policy, but it is a manager or human resources official’s...

Q: Your friend or significant other is talking during a movie or TV show you really want to focus on. How should you go about telling him or her to stop? When someone is talking during a performance of any kind, it’s rude. If he or she is sitting next to you, say, “Let’s hold until an intermission...

Q: It’s the end of the month, and you’re taking a look at your finances and realize you lent out money without ever getting repaid. How can you gracefully ask the borrower to pay you back? Set a deadline for when you expect the person to pay you back. For example, when he or she gets a paycheck...

Q: You’re cutting back on calories, expecting a baby or just don’t have a taste for alcohol, but your friends insist you have a drink with them. How can you gracefully decline? Go to the event with someone who knows why you aren’t drinking. Grab a sparkling water and a lime — that way it’s difficult...

Q: You're riding in an UberPool or Lyft Line and a fellow rider or driver is talking your ear off. How can you minimize the small talk? Be upfront, and let the driver know by saying, "I'm not much of a talker, so don't feel you need to strike up conversation with me. I just love looking out the...

Q: Although you have every intention of attending an event, the deadline to RSVP came and went with no response from you. How should you communicate this to the host? Respond in a more personal way, such as a phone call, instead of just dropping the invite in the mail. Say, "I'm sorry I did not...

Q: You've recently been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. Should you share the news with friends and family, or is it better to withhold that information to avoid causing pain? If you know you are going to need their support, you have to share the news; if you prefer to go it alone, then...

Q: You've broken up with your partner but still stay in contact with his or her friends. What do you do when your ex's friend starts flirting with you? If you live in a remote village of 100 residents, having your ex's friend flirt with you may be a welcome prelude to romance. For the rest of us,...

Q: You said you'd volunteer with an organization but quickly discovered that you don't agree with its values or it requires more of work than you expected. How do you politely back out? Open communication is key. Reach out, and speak in person or by phone, if possible. If not, email the organization,...

Q: Your mom's wedding dress. A ring that belonged to your partner's grandma. They're beautiful but not your style. How do you politely decline family heirlooms for your wedding? You want to consider your family's feelings, but you should be able to choose what makes you happy for your wedding day....