Gary Brown: Weather stones are perfect predictors for forecasters

Tuesday

Feb 26, 2008 at 12:01 AMFeb 26, 2008 at 11:02 AM

A meteorologist for a TV news program was fired because he was wrong so often. When he moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job, the application asked why he left his previous job. Not wanting to say he was fired, the forecaster simply wrote, “The climate didn’t agree with me.”

Gary Brown

Let’s start with an old weather joke.

A meteorologist for a TV news program was fired because he was wrong so often.

When he moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job, the application asked why he left his previous job. Not wanting to say he was fired, the forecaster simply wrote, “The climate didn’t agree with me.”

If you aren’t smiling, you must be a meteorologist working in a city in the Great Lakes. We have all the climates here, and they’re usually changing. One day we worry about global warming; the next day we fear a coming ice age.

We have a saying in Ohio, “If you don’t like the weather, wait a moment and it’ll change.” No, never mind, we can’t use that saying anymore. It’s already changed. It might work if you’ll just wait for another moment, though.

Confusing Conditions

Reading about the weather is easy. Predicting the weather can be more difficult.

I’m looking at National Weather Service’s map of “watches, warnings and advisories.” It’s color-coded for the different weather predictions in different parts of Northeast Ohio. I counted, and I figure we have five colors to worry about -- hazardous weather outlook, winter storm warning, winter weather advisory, snow advisory and winter storm watch.

I know there is a difference between all of those colors, but I sure can’t tell what it is. If you’re advising, isn’t “snow” part of “winter weather”?

And isn’t a “winter storm” more or less “hazardous weather”? Which is the worst part of a “winter storm,” the “watch” or the “warning”?

Maybe the actual weather forecast will answer some questions.

“Periods of snow possibly mixed with freezing rain before 10 a.m., then periods of rain and snow possibly mixed with freezing rain between 10 a.m. and noon, then periods of snow after noon.”

That’s a weatherman’s way of shrugging and saying, “Leave early.” Wear boots and carry an umbrella.

Alternative Forecasting

Let’s end with another weather joke.

I’ve seen three versions of it pictured on different sites on the Internet after a search for “weather forecasting.”

All three photos show a rope suspending a stone next to a sign calling it a “Weather Forecasting Stone.”

“Stone is Wet -- Rain.

“Stone is Dry -- Not Raining.

“Shadow on Ground -- Sunny.

“White on Top -- Snowing.

“Can’t See Stone -- Foggy.

“Swinging Stone -- Windy.

“Stone Jumping Up and Down -- Earthquake.

“Stone Gone -- Tornado.”

If you can’t determine your weather from a weather stone, you just aren’t paying attention.