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Why do I let my mother annoy me so much?

Today my mother came over, ostensibly to do me a favor and babysit for Noah while dh and I took Jillian to the orthopedist. When we got back dh mentioned having lunch and my mother decided that she was going to come eat with us since we had nothing to eat in the house. We went out for lunch specials at the chinese restaurant around the corner. The bill came and my mother just sat there until dh said something about the bill being paid, at which point my mother said to him, "so pay it." Now, it's not the money to me but the principal of the matter. We can easily afford the $25 bill. However, so can my mother and I really felt that it was beyond cheap of her not to offer to pay - especially when the bill was so small. Mind you, this is not the first time she has done this either. I don't know how others feel about this but it's my opinion that if a grandparent can afford it (which she well can) than they should pay for lunch for the family. It's not like we go out with her all the time either. Even my aunt who stayed with me a few days this week refused to let me pay any of the bills when we went out (although I tried). None of my friends have parents who expect them to pay the bill when they go out to eat. (And I'm not talking about an occasion. I always pick up the bill for birthdays, mother's day, etc).

I didn't mean to get off on a tangent, because that is only one of the things that annoyed me today. I haven't mentioned it but I have a killer cold and have not been feeling well at all. Dh has work to do this afternoon and suggested that my mother take Jillian out so he can work and I can rest while Noah naps. My mother looked at him like he was crazy and said no, what would she do with her. Dh made several suggestions and she nixed them all - just because she didn't feel like going wherever he suggested he take her. It's just beyond selfish! She knows I'm not feeling well and dh has to work.

Finally, (I know you are probably tired of reading this already) despite the fact that I am largely pregnant, she wouldn't even so much as put Noah in his carseat today when we went to lunch to try to make things easier on me. She claims that he's too heavy to pick up. Now, I know he's no lightweight, but she can't pick him up to put him in and out of the carseat? No one is asking her to carry him around all day!

Anyway, if you made it this far thanks. I just needed to vent a little (o.k., maybe a lot!) lol

Well, let me just say this - my mom never babysat even once for any of my nieces and nephews (she died before we had kids). Her philosophy was, "I raised my kids, you raise yours". So, I think you are lucky to have her babysit at all.

As for picking up the tab, that would never have occured with my mom either. Well, unless it was a "special" lunch, like a birthday and she invited me. Otherwise, even if she invited me out, she'd expect me to pick up the tab. ("After all, dear, you are young and working and I'm sure making more money than I ever did.")

My father is cheap too. It really bugs me. If we don't offer to pay for it they will put out exactly the portion of theirs not a penny more. When we go to their house they feed us HOTDOGS?????????? Yet have no qualms letting us know what they want or don't want.

As for the car seat my step mother tried to help once and royally screwed up the straps...........she couldn't figure it out and adjusted them way way wrong. Maybe your mom doesn't want to look dumb? It is inconsiderate to not offer to watch M when you both basically just asked her. Its not as though there was any beating around the bush, she should have easily realized a break was needed.

Sorry you are feeling crummy and that your mom wasn't more helpful ((hugs))

My mom is constantly raiding my sister's cupboard and appears to view it as "payment" for babysitting She rarely offers to pay for anything when she is visiting either, when she does it is usually when she knows she will be refused. Granted she doesn't have a job and is "taking classes" BUT she is living off my grandparents' trust and throws money around like it is going out of style.... just on herself.

I can't imagine expecting someone else to pay for lunch for my family. And if I agreed to take my mom to lunch with us I certainly can't understand getting annoyed with her for not offering to pick up the tab.

As to not wanting to pick Noah up - did it ever occur to you that maybe he *is* to heavy for her to be able to lift him without pain? I don't know your mother's age or medical status, but I know that even at my age (a whopping 26!) I can't pick up heavy objects sometimes due to back pain. And heavy to one person isn't always heavy to another person. (I imagine Noah is probably 20-30 pounds?)

In the end, I'm sorry you're feeling poorly (and I know that being largely pregnant makes anything feel that much worse), and hope you feel better soon.

Not sure I agree either about parents being obligated to pick up the tab. I tend to think the opposite....... I try to pick up the tab with my parents anytime we go somewhere. I would have expected your mom though to offer to at least pay her portion......although I guess she did just babysit so maybe she thought that it would be a nice gesture for you to pay for her. Anyway........ I guess every family is different. I hope you feel better soon. I know what you mean about being big and pg and how nice it would be to get that extra helping hand. Hang in there.

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