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New Club

Before Xander was born I really had no problem attracting conversation from complete strangers. Whether it be because of my tattoos, the scars on my head, the fact that I have one leg or the shirt that I am wearing that emphasizes that fact, people really have no problem approaching me and at times I have wondered if I have a sign on my forehead that says “I want to talk to you”. Don’t get me wrong, I love meeting new people but when I am standing at the urinal in the men’s room I really don’t want to answer the question “what happened to your leg”, I’m a little more focused.

Over the years I have noticed that there are different ways a person gets treated depending on the different stages of life. In the last year and a half I have gone through a couple big ones that most can or will be able to relate to. The odd thing is that they are almost like elite / current members only clubs.

Single stage: Everyone knows someone that would be perfect for you, whether you are content with your singleness or not. Most of your friends are single people as well because they are the only people not trying to hook you up or telling you it is time to “settle down”. In general you are treated as a lesser group and not quite complete. Damn the line from “Jerry Maguire”. “You, complete me”
Couple / in a romantic relationship stage: Granted mine lasted all of a few weeks. Finally everyone is happy for you, or in some cases not. Your friends wonder where the hell you’ve been until hearing that you are in a relationship, then are either happy that you have finally come around or are secretly jealous that you no longer can close out a pub on a weeknight. At a certain point you start spending time with more couples at couple friendly establishments and everyone has advice on how fast or slow the relationship is going.

Newly wed / before kids: Most frequently asked question is definitely, “So how soon are you having kids?” as though you still are not whole. You disappear again but to everyone this time. Ok, not really but that’s the other thing you hear on a frequent basis. Dinners out with people turn into cooking at home and playing a nice game of Scrabble.

Married / with a newborn: This is the one that feels more like a club in social situations. I know that we are only two weeks into parenthood but it is crazy how both Tara and I are both even more approachable. Everyone wants to see the baby. They want to know how big he was (7lb 6ozs) and if we are getting enough sleep (yes, we have a great boy). But then there are the other parents. Now, finally I’m not looked at like a pervert when I want to hold a baby or I am making faces at /with kids.

There are other stages that I have yet to get to and not one of them is assumed to be a point that produce a greater man as if I can ever be completed. I am grateful for the man that I am now.

5 years in October puts Mary and I squarely in the is there something wrong with you because you don’t have kids category. That one is founded by mothers and mother in laws everywhere! I actually believe it is viewed (at least by family) as a wrong turn category and constant questions will pull you back on the right path. Or maybe I am paranoid.