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Another take on finding the perfect gift

By Claire Martin, The Denver Post

Posted:
10/28/2013 05:01:03 AM MDT

Updated:
10/28/2013 05:01:07 AM MDT

A consumer lugs her bags as she takes photos in downtown Chicago. (AP Photo/Nam Y. Huh)

A few months ago, Craig Broek, who operates a small community-supported agriculture sharing program, found himself with an extra portion of produce when a CSA member failed to pick up that week's share.

He offered the unclaimed produce to a neighbor. Three times, Broek offered. Three times, the neighbor refused. Finally, Broek insisted.

“OK, but we want to give you something for it,” the neighbor said.

“And that led to a dialogue between my wife, Jeanine, and I about how difficult it is for people to receive gifts with no strings attached,” Broek said.

“We think of a good gift as something that really meets a need, or fits a personality. Really, gifts are an extension of who we are.”

And as the gift-giving season approaches, that nicely summarizes why the impending scramble often results in stress and chaos, as people struggle to find the perfect gift.

Merchants eager to end the year with a profit start putting up Christmas trees before the squirrels have had a chance to attack the jack-o'-lanterns on porches.

“I have nothing against getting a nice gift for someone I care about, but it seems like gift-giving has been taken to the extreme. Everything starts with advertising, and the factory outlets in Silverthorne open before the employees have digested their Thanksgiving turkey, so that people can shop all night. What's the alternative?”

After all, as Broek observed, gifts tend to reflect the giver as well as the recipient. It's hard to find gifts for the people we love — perhaps even harder to find gifts for those people.

“I do get stressed out, I must admit, picking the right thing for, especially, my partner,” Berwyn said.

“I try to think about what I buy. We live in an apartment, and we have limited room. Well, my partner mentioned once that she likes jasper. So I went to a bead shop and made her a jasper necklace.

“I have a son, and he expects gifts. He's 15 now. One thing I've done for him is buy stuff from secondhand stores, and I try to go to locally owned stores as much as possible. Last year, he was into backcountry skiing, so I got him some backcountry touring skis. The bindings were used, but in good shape. We tuned up the skis, and he was thrilled.”

Evan Weissman, who helped found the Buntport Theater company and also runs the community-activist organization Warm Cookies of the Revolution, calls himself “not a very good gift-giver.

“However, the best 'gifts' that I seem to give, or get, have to do with spending time with folks I care about,” he said.

“I'm not sure if that's an indictment of our culture, or my sped-up lifestyle, or what. But getting to just visit and connect wholeheartedly with dear friends is what I seem to value the most. And so this might be the best gift I can give or receive.”

Broek thinks that the stress of choosing the perfect gift is part of the reason people get so tense during the holidays: What kind of a son, daughter, parent, friend would fail to find exactly the right gift?

The flip side is that many people feel awkward when they accept a gift.

“I don't like to imagine that someone spent too much time on me,” Weissman said.

“That makes me a bit uncomfortable, and so receiving their gift may be hard. But when I give a gift, I want to be excited to give it, and have thought about it. Like any other kind of inspiration, if I feel it, then I want to share that. And that is much easier than accepting a gift from someone.”

That peculiar tension — that it's better to give than to receive — was behind a social experiment the Broeks conducted at one of their potlucks in late summer. When neighbors, CSA shareholders and friends gathered for the dinner, they found a centerpiece made of a couple dozen unlabeled gift bags.

The gifts remained there throughout dinner, and afterward, when Broek led a conversation about gifts. He asked participants to write and share a poem about the best gift they'd ever received. When the poems and stories about the poems were finished, the Broeks invited everyone to choose one of the gift bags.

The contents ranged from two Rockies tickets to a “blessings bowl” (“write your blessings, and put them in the bowl,” Broek instructed), a week's CSA share, a six-pack of home-brewed beer, a jar of strawberry-vanilla preserves, and a reusable cloth shopping bag.

They were terrific gifts.

If anyone felt otherwise, those thoughts remained unspoken, a technique Berwyn employs when he receives a gift he doesn't really want.

“Like the cologne I get from my aunt every year,” he said.

“I say 'Thank you,' and I think about all the things that person has done for me. And then I look for an opportunity to re-gift it. I don't spend a lot of time agonizing over it.”

Reconsidering the gifting game

Is it really necessary to camp overnight outside a big box store to find the perfect gift?

Share time. Buy tickets to something you both enjoy, or set a date for time together. Some examples:

Go to a Fresh City Life event at the Denver Public Library, to the Denver Art Museum's lively Untitled programs on the last Friday of every month (except in November and December, and free if you're a museum member).

Attend one of the civic events sponsored by the innovative Warm Cookies Of The Revolution. On Dec. 12, the Warm Cookies event will include vendors offering handmade gifts, and participants are encouraged to bring something to barter.

Set a time and place, reserving an hour or two, to sit down over coffee or tea, and tell your friend or relative what you cherish most about your relationship. Pick up the tab (and leave a nice tip).

Offer to help a friend or relative clear out a closet or a room. This is an especially valuable gift for anyone who's downsizing. Budget extra time and expect to hear stories about the things you're sorting. For an even more welcome service, offer to take the sorted things to thrift stores or other venues.

Set rules, along with a price limit, or agree to give secondhand gifts

Specialty secondhand stores offer bargains on gear, books and other potential gifts. For sports equipment, try one of the Play It Again Sports stores, ReCycle Sports in Summit County, or a ski swap.

Colorado bookstores, including the venerable Tattered Cover, often include gently-used books in their collections, and ARC, Goodwill and other thrift stores have densely-packed bookshelves.

Consignment shops offer clothing, accessories and even household items, from flatware to furniture and paintings. If you're shopping for preteens and teenagers, remember that they almost certainly will love something from Buffalo Exchange, (and if they don't, they can get store credit).

Give something consumable or ephemeral

Are you celebrated for your killer green chile? Your cookies? Your take on Russian Tea?

Or are you good at searching out bargains on terrific wine, kombucha tea, spice mixes, freshly-cut flowers, or pet treats? Wrap them up (raffia is always a pleasant alternative to ribbon) and hand 'em over.

Do you know how to cross-country ski? Take a newbie out for the day, perhaps to a cross-country area that can fit your newbie with the correctly-sized skis, boots and poles, and then to a favorite trail.

Are you crafty? Get out your stamps, scissors and specialty papers, and make thank-you notes with your friends.

Are you an urban wildlife type who knows where to find bald eagles, red foxes and other creatures that slip under the radar? Take someone to go walkabout, and teach the art of listening and seeing camouflaged creatures.

How to take back giving

Share time. Buy tickets to something you both enjoy, or set a date for time together.

Pick up your friend or relative for a First Friday gallery tour. It'll be even more special if you go out of town; Salida's First Fridays are celebrated events.

Go to a Fresh City Life event at the Denver Public Library or to the Denver Art Museum's lively Untitled programs on the last Friday of every month (except in November and December, and free if you're a museum member).

Attend one of the civic events sponsored by the innovative Warm Cookies Of The Revolution. On Dec. 12, the Warm Cookies event will include vendors offering handmade gifts, and participants are encouraged to bring something to barter.

Set a time and place, reserving an hour or two, to sit down for coffee or tea, and tell your friend or relative what you cherish most about your relationship. Pick up the tab (and leave a nice tip).

Offer to help a friend or relative clear out a closet or a room. This is an especially valuable gift for anyone who's downsizing. Budget extra time and expect to hear stories about the things you're sorting. For an even more welcome service, offer to take the sorted things to thrift stores or other venues.

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