Here’s your weekly podcast of the life and times of Danny Czekalinski. A Valentines Day edition of Three Things I Don’t Understand, Madonna, Ga-Ga, Neighbors, Lesbians and more. Just Click Below to Listen.

I am a football fan. I love my hometown team which is the Cleveland Browns. The Browns are the laughing stock of the NFL. Even those that aren’t football fans like to make jokes about my team and that’s okay. I cheer for them every week and never miss a game. I also laugh very hard during those three hours as they resemble a Stooge routine minus a pie fight.

Anyone can cheer for a winner but I believe a real winner cheers for a loser. The Patriots are always in the play offs and probably will win the Super Bowl again this year. That doesn’t sound like a lot of fun to me. How can winning a championship be fun when it happens all the time? Every week the Browns find a new way to lose. Every week we have a new quarterback. Every week we have a player get hurt. Every other week a player gets arrested or goes to rehab. If the Browns season were made into a Hollywood script no one would buy it because no one would believe it. They say misery loves company and that company is the Cleveland Browns.

The journey of life is full of disappointments. The life of a Browns fan is nothing but a disappointment with a side dish of frustration and I love it. I know that every Monday my hometown will do two things: bitch and moan. Being a Browns fan is a great way to relieve stress. Anything that goes wrong during your week will never match the disgrace that you witness on the football field every Sunday.

The Super Bowl is the ultimate game of the year. The Browns have never been to the Super Bowl. I hope, in my lifetime, I will witness the Browns win the Super Bowl but you have to be careful what you wish for. We would be world champions. The struggle and disappointment would be over. There wouldn’t be a reason to bitch and moan. There would be a parade downtown. Thousands of people would faint from disbelief. The four horsemen would appear and the seven seals would begin to open. Our coach would hoist the trophy in front of the world and I assume he would drop it. I don’t think I would ever be properly prepared for that day because I would have to be happy. I don’t want to be a champion and that’s why I am a Browns fan.

On December 7, 2013 I said good bye to my best friend. He was a 14 ½ year old black lab named Champ. I held him in my arms as he was put to sleep and his journey to the Rainbow Bridge began. Champ was not just a dog. He truly was the best friend I ever or will have. We were constant companions and we really did take care of each other.

Champ never needed a leash because I had him since he was 6 weeks old and I taught him to always remain within twenty feet of me. I could let him outside and I didn’t have to watch him. He knew his boundaries and when he was ready to come back in he would open the gate on his own (taught him that as well) and he would just lay down patiently by the back door.

We would always sleep in my king size bed and when he got too old to make the jump I ended up sleeping on the couch so he could be near me. For the past three years I have been sleeping on the couch and even after his passing I continue to do so.

The first two weeks without my friend I cried non-stop. This wasn’t just a pet….I was alone without my best friend. Those of you that knew Champ know what I am talking about. Everyone would always say “that truly is the best dog ever.” He was and always will be.

When I first got Champ I was stumped in choosing out a name. I was watching the NFL Draft and they mentioned a rookie player named “Champ Bailey.” I immediately knew the name of my friend: He would be called “Champ.”

Today Champ Bailey is in is fifteenth NFL season with the Denver Broncos. Champ Bailey has never been to a Super Bowl until this year. In less than two weeks I will be cheering for Champ and his Broncos because I truly believe my best friend is a world champion as well.

I really miss my friend but honestly believe that a Super Bowl victory for Champ Bailey and his Broncos will be a fitting ending to my best friends time here on earth. I will be watching the game with my best friend’s spirit and hope to one day shake that wonderful paw in congratulations at the Rainbow Bridge. I miss you friend.

For the past four days I have been fighting a pretty bad cold. Mom has been all over me to “go see a doctor.” This comes from a woman who is losing sight in her left eye and doesn’t have a primary care physician because “I need one to be close to the house.” Evidently that means for her to have one living in the spare bedroom but I digress….

The next question from her was “Are you using Vicks?” If your mother is like my mother than Vicks is the greatest medical invention of all time. I remember as a child that at the first sign of a sniffle she would reach for that bottle, grab a spatula, and lap that stuff on my chest like she was frosting a cake. Then she would wrap me up like a mummy, grab a safety-pin to secure the gauze that she had affixed to my person to insure that all that “vapo rub” was absorbed into my entire being. When I would fart I would automatically clear the room of all bacteria. She would put so much Vicks on my body that it would affect my taste buds. I could stick out my tongue and it would glow like ET’s finger.

When I was in my motorcycle accident that resulted in six broken ribs, a broken nose, broken collar-bone, dislocated shoulder and a ruptured sinus cavity the first thing she asked the doctor was “How many times a day does he need Vicks?” Some may argue that Michael Jordan is the greatest commercial pitchman of all time but I would put my mother and a bottle of Vicks up against anyone.

I’d go on but the UPS man is at my door asking me to sign for a 55 gallon drum of Vicks my mother just sent me.

First of all ladies it’s NOT just another video game. This is Madden. This is where us men can actually live out the unfulfilled fantasies of our teen-age years. Today Madden 2012 is released. For many of us this day should be declared a legal holiday.

Don’t tell me I’m NOT on the team. I can create a player with my face and name, give him unbelievable abilities, and become the MVP of the NFL. If you are lucky I will grant you an interview in the kitchen after I empty the dishwasher.

Don’t tell me it’s not any different from Tetris or Mrs. Pacman. I will single-handedly take the Cleveland Browns to another Super Bowl victory this year. If the outcome is in doubt I will do what I always do….hit “reset” and start all over until I win.

Don’t tell me I look ridiculous with my headset on talking trash to a bunch of twelve-year olds in Harrisburg I’m playing on-line. They are calling me out and I will rub their pre-pubescent faces into the Madden turf before their mother yells at them to “come upstairs and go to bed.”

This is NOT your ordinary video game. This is REAL. I really am a grown man. Really…..seriously….well at least I think I am. 🙂