God=Awful: A History of Violence

Him: I know what you did. I saw it all.
You: How?
Him: I have my ways.
You: I thought you wouldn’t find out.
Him: But I did. I did. And I always do.
You: I don’t know what to say.
Him: You should probably kill your dog.
You: What?
Him: You should probably kill your dog.
You: Why?
Him: Because I said so. I think I would like that.
You: You are insane.
Him: I am in charge. You’re not in charge. I am.
You: Ok.
*Goes and kills dog.*
Ok. I did it.
Him: Let me see.
You: *Shows him dead dog.*
Him: Nice. Don’t get me wrong, but it’s a good start. But here’s what I want you to do now. Set him on fire.
You: ???
Him: Set. Him. On fire.
You: *Sets dog on fire.*
Him: Yeah. That was nice for a while.
But I still don’t feel satisfied.

You: What more do you want?
Him: *Eyes his son.*
You: No.
Him:*Walks over to him.*
You: No! You stay away from him!
Him: *Smacks him across the face.*
You: He doesn’t deserve this!
Him: *Smacks him across the other way.*
You: Stop it!
Him: You deserve this.
You: Stop it! Wait. What?
Him: You deserve this.
You: Then why are you hurting him?
Him: *Pulls out gun. Shoots son in head*
Son: * son fall is over dead*
You: Nooo!
*Runs over to son. Cradles his lifeless blood-soaked body in her arms.* I am so so sorry.
Him: Yes. That’s what I wanted to hear.
You: What?
Him: This is your fault. You made me do this. Now apologize.
You: I’m sorry.
Him: Again.
You: I’m sorry.
Him: Again.
You: I’m sorry.
*Begins to sob.*
Him: *Walks up to her. Whispers in her ear.* I love you.
You: *Terrified look on face.*
Him: NOW WORSHIP ME!!!

Jon D. Webster is the author of five books. 10 Decisions I Could Have Made Better Than God: And Other Audacious Atheist Articles, Nothing Sacred: An Atheist Quote-A-Day Calendar, Blasphemy: Atheist Quotes and Essays By An Apostate, One Big Joke (And 300 Shorter Ones), and Unreal News: A Collection of Satire can be purchased through Fastpencil.com. He has also written for publications such as the Modesto Atheism Examiner, Unreal News Online, Guardian Liberty Voice, and Back Room Knox. Jon has been featured on The Pink Atheist, Road to Reason, Freethought Forum, The Freethought Radio Hour, Atheist Analysis, and Reason TV. He has a Bachelor of Science in Theatre and Communication Arts and is working on a Masters Degree in Applied Psychology.