Miss Chloe has a new alter and she’s dying for the world to meet her, darlings! Oh, it’s been so long!

Chloë Sevigny seen out in SoHo in New York City.

Meet Hettie.

Hettie enjoys traipsing up and down the city in high-heeled nursing shoes, going in and out of every thrift shop and swap meet she stumbles across. When she finds one, she squeals with delight and dives right in, looking for the very ugliest of bedspreads and curtains so that she can make new and unflattering things to wear. Hettie proudly tells everyone that she makes her own clothes, not realizing that everyone can tell as soon as they look at her. Hettie has no real job and her friendships tend to be fleeting and imaginary, but if you come across her on a day like today; a day where she convinced the Salvation Army to give her a pile of moldy curtains in exchange for her not coming into their store for the next 3 months? Why, she’ll happily talk your ear off about her exciting new diaper-romper design. Someday, Hettie will tell you if you give her an opening, someday, people will be lining up around the block to buy her line of unflattering onesies for grownups. And then – THEN – those bitches at the Salvation Army won’t be so darn snotty the next time she walks in their door.

I feel like she wants to shout “I was in “Kids” BITCHES!” at everyone all the time.

ShaoLinKitten

No, because someone will inevitably yell back, “Yeah, but you were in The Brown Bunny too!”

Barbara Affolter

This romper is so Brown Bunny it hurts. Like, something wearing a nearly identical romper is probably blowing a mumbling, poorly lit Vincent Gallo right now,

Glam Dixie

That might just be the ugliest outfit I have ever seen. Not even kidding.

TinyDynamo

Agreed. A million percent agreed.

Kent Roby

I could not agree more.

Glam Dixie

And that includes the guy that goes to my local mall dressed in high heels, athletic knee socks, daisy duke jorts and a tank top carrying a purse and every square inch of him is covered in tiny bells that jingle as he walks. His fashion sense is deplorable, Chloe’s is worse.

FridaStaire

Can you post a picture of him? Sounds inspiring!

Glam Dixie

I would never have the nerve to take his picture, I don’t think he is even shopping, I swear he and his lady friend just walk around like that so people will look at them.

BKagainwiththesweatpants

Fake like you’re taking a selfie, but it’s a picture of him. Works every time!

Raspberry2012

Yes! Oh, please, please, we know you can do this without him noticing!

Grumpy Girl

There was an article in the paper a few years back about him, too.

Glam Dixie

Grumpy Girl posted a link to a local article about him from a few years ago with a picture. He’s not wearing the socks in this one but all of the garters and necklaces and everything has tiny bells.

Violentcello

Ooh, ooh, this is a fun game. When I lived in Santa Cruz there used to be a guy who walked around in head-to-toe pink. Not just clothing, mind you, but pink anything attached to his pink clothing. He’d walk around at an excruciatingly slow pace–even blocking traffic–with an umbrella, smiling beatifically at everyone.

If anyone is in that area, I’d love to hear if Pink Man is still up to his old tricks.

ACHATtychica

Still a Santa Cruz fixture, last time I checked. I graduated UCSC in 2011 and we loved that guy!

Violentcello

Aww, it’s good to hear some things don’t change. I graduated in ’05 and I’ve been itching to go back.

Raspberry2012

In the mid 90s, there was this guy who wandered around my neighborhood in Queens in sort of a half-drag ballet tutu. He mostly looked like Mike Nesmith, but he was in this dirty, ill-fitting pink tutu and dirty pink ballet flats, he was always all sweaty and hairy, and he’d have just the barest attempt at makeup on. Like, unshaven and untweezed, but still had a smear of blue eyeshadow, red blush and sloppy red lipstick on. And he’d have his really sweaty hair pulled up in this half a top knot that was barely in place. Yeah, that guy would stop traffic on Queens Boulevard, which is a feat in and of itself.

Qitkat

I’m trying to picture this, you’ve actually seen him this way more than once?

Glam Dixie

Yes, multiple times and my daughters have all seen him independently of me as well and come home saying, Mom, you won’t believe the dude I saw, and I’m all, try me. He is actually, and I shit you not, always with a lady dressed the EXACT SAME WAY. He has a beard as well, just to complete the visual.

Glam Dixie

Check out the link Grumpy girl posted, it’s minus the socks and you can’t see the tiny bells on his garters and stuff but they are there.

bitchybitchybitchy

the mind boggles.

demidaemon

This both frightens and intrigues me.

demidaemon

I feel like every time one of says this, a stylist/designer/starlet thinks, “Oh yeah! Just you wait! I’ll one up that!”

It’s a neverending cycle.

Bad Idea Jeans

Is that.
A fucking.
ROMPER?!?!

Please, Chloe, people are trying to eat (on the West coast).

SayWhaaatNow

First glance, I thought this was going to be Lena Dunham.

Qitkat

Lena wishes she was as much fun as Hettie. And as beloved as Chloë in her altered states.

bitchybitchybitchy

I couldn’t agree more.

@Biting Panda

Oh, Hettie, I never knew how much I needed you in my life.

Beardslee

You two are inspired. Hilarious and inspired.

Capt. Renault

I love Chloe so much, which isn’t to say that she doesn’t frighten me.

LJCdoc

Hettie does not give a rat’s ass about the environment, she will take her Salvation Army purchases in a plastic bag stuffed to the gills, thankyouverymuch.

bitchybitchybitchy

And Hettie’s going to cut off a tiny swatch from those curtains to add to her “look book”, for that day when she’ll be laughing her be-rompered ass off at those snotty bitches at Goodwill and all of those swapmeets!

I think one of my aunt’s made little shorts-dungarees out of said pinwale for her son — my poor cousin!!!!

Raspberry2012

Well that goes without saying!

Mefein

I must be thinking of her Big Love days (didn’t her character have serious Daddy issues?) because I’m getting Lolita crossed with Sister Wife.

Kitten Mittons

Oh yes, to say the least. Now that’s all I can see.

smayper

I still miss that show.

Mefein

Yeah, although I think it was getting into habitual shark-jumping by the end. I thought Chloe was wonderful in it, though. She was so smart and so warped, I could totally see her as a product of growing up in that ghastly compound. I wonder what Hettie’s excuse is!

ivfive

Didn’t realize it was a romper. I thought Hettie just forgot her pants.

It’s not really a romper. Hettie is just super gifted at walking with ugly shirts bunched up in her crotch.

Jacob Bowen

Did it REALLY need to tie in the middle? Did that do anything for this outfit besides let the designer create string out of that AWFUL fabric?

brown-eyed girl

I caught the headline and gave an internal yippee! In anticipation.

alyce1213

I’m thoroughly amused but speechless.
Her smile in the last shot is quite charming, so there’s that.

kimmeister

Bubble skirts are hard to make chic; bubble rompers, impossible.

Trish Austad

Yike-o-rama! But I forgive her because she’s so funny on Portlandia.

smayper

It is delightful, though, that she is carrying a cheap-ass plastic bag of stuff she actually bought in a real store. I want to see her walk past Taylor Swift and stuff that bag into TS’s hands. Then walk away chuckling.

serenab44

I want to know what’s in that bag.

JR Labrador

Hettie was once an Assistant Professor of Sociology at Hunter College but was denied tenure because she “will NOT succumb to the bankrupt value system of the dominant bourgeois paradigm”. Now she spends her days making garments out of discarded Snuggies and she has never felt so free.

bitchybitchybitchy

FTW!

Denise Rambo

I wonder if she felt the least bit silly as she was stepping into that thing?

BuffaloBarbara

I think Hettie has tried out for PR a few times, but diaper onesies, while short, were neither tight nor shiny enough to impress the casting judges. For a while, they considered her for the “wacky” contestant, who might win a challenge early on to inspire chatter online, but the Salvation Army warned them that she’d keep coming back to the workroom to gather everyone else’s scraps, and it would waste the time of the security people.

Bless Chloe and her alters; they are entertaining.

Bexxx

I love her forever tho. My dream girls night out is with her and Natasha Lyonne, since they are good friends. Girl’s got great legs, too. I’m just gonna totally ignore the outfit.

Judy_J

Oh, Hettie…you look so pleased with yourself in that last photo. You must know you’ve made us all very happy.

Your next project, Uncles T and Lo, should be a “Chloe and her Alters” book. Please do a Kickstarter campaign. I’m sure all the BKs would throw in a few bucks to have these posts available all together, forever.

bitchybitchybitchy

I would buy that so fast.

Tlazolteotl

Hettie, darling, I’ll hang out with you. I love a good thrift troll, and you look like you know some really good ones. And you clearly need a thrifting buddy to give you the “Oh, Honey. Just no.” face. But we’ll have to take my buds, too, because clearly I can’t count on you to do the same for me. And I, too, sometimes need a girlfriend to tell me “Hahahaha. No.” when I come out of the dressing room.

Jay

This isn’t a winning look, but I can never be mad at Chloe because she clearly has so much fun with her clothes. Also, she has gorgeous legs.

CPT_Doom

Those aren’t curtains, she just chopped the bottom off a Nicki costume from Big Love

ktr33

I’m so confused. It’s somehow like a flower-printed astronaut romper. Great sunglasses, but that hardly matters.

Dino Bonačić

Long time no see… Heetie – I’d love to join you Salvation Army shopping. Where do we meet?

evave2

Who stole her pants?

julnyes

Yeah!! Chloe Alters!!

deech_sea

What is she carrying?

kimmeister

I see a frame (or framed artwork), a tall can of something (possibly Arizona Green Tea?), and who knows what else.

BobStPaul

Those shoes remind me of ones my great aunt wore in the fifties except hers were black.

Barbara Affolter

Ugh. The Sev. It’s always a romper or a jumpsuit or some super high-waisted skin tight jeans or leggings and always with a seasonally inappropriate boot.

Stankboots.

There needs to be a collective name for those crotch-y, yeast infection-y, American Apparel-y catalog-y clothing items that she and Juliette Lewis both tend to favor.

conniemd

Stank boots with a long-sleeved romper. Wool dresses in July in Mexico City. Part of training for stylists and starlets has to be picking your outfits to be seasonal.

Barbara Affolter

If Chloe has a stylist, I’m pretty sure that her stylist HATES her. A lot of her RC looks would suggest as much.

demidaemon

I’m pretty sure that, if she has a stylist (doubtful!), the stylist gives her chic and wonderful clothes with one whackadoo choice thrown in, and Chloe always picks the whackadoo one to troll said stylist. And yet the stylist is always attempting to give her chic clothes, because maybe s/he genuinely likes Chloe. It’s a never-ending painful (yet hilarious to Chloe) cycle.

Barbara Affolter

That is a possibility I hadn’t considered. I think I need to go rethink some things.

Sara__B

Not just rompers. BLOOMERS rompers! I am rendered speechless.

Adrianna Grężak

Chloë Sevigny shopped at the consignment store that I worked at in NoHo NYC!!! She was really friendly/chatty with everyone and you wouldn’t have known that she was famous. She asked me if I was buying the Comme des Garcon white platform shoes in my hand, actually very similiar to the ones she’s wearing. Her mom totally had the “yes, she IS Chloë Sevigny” look on her face.

Qitkat

Oh, Chloë, I have missed you. Amirite kittens, you grinned when you saw this thumbnail, and were dying to know who she is today?

DeniseSchipani

It’s possible I rubbed my hands together in anticipatory glee, in fact.

demidaemon

Yes, indeed.

Freynika

My 2-year-old twins wear diapers more flattering than that mess, and cuter shoes.

ashtangajunkie

The Many Alters of Chloe Sevigny make my life a little more enjoyable.

I thought it was SJP sans fards when I saw the photo in the “trending” banner.

marlie

A long-sleeved, baggy, diaper-romper. This is not a thing that should even exist.

jif

So, this is kind of hideous (ok, hideous, full stop), but some of her designs for Opening Ceremony have been really sharp and fun and adorable, at least on the right wearer.

YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

YAAAAY THANK YOU TLO i have been needing a The Sev fix forever now. I love her pull ups onesie.

sk8tfan

Amish romper. Fall’s must-have item.

elemspbee

Love! adorbs how she don’t give two hoots.

Ali2044

She is one of those actresses who so clearly doesn’t give a fuck, that whatever she wears gets a pass by default.

queeniethebold

Oh oh OH! How i have missed Chloe and the alters! Thank you, thank you, a thousand thanks, TLo. Still chortling in a most unladylike way!

Columbinia

Uh … great legs. But yeah … diaper rompers.

googiebaba

Why would I run from Hettie? She sounds awesome.

livesarah

Aww I’m so glad she is back. Your Chloe alter posts make me laugh out loud!

LisaRBoyd

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bringbackbeatles

Love to get another alter. I cannot begin to imagine what the bottom of that romper is supposed to look like. To me it looks like a baby wearing bloomers or those plastic training pants over top a diaper. But, hey, she does have great legs!

carnush

I had this outfit when I was three. There is documentation.

Lily

Just say no to rompers, people.

RobinDRamirez

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BLauDGaspode

I have missed her so much.

EEKstl

ROFLMAO. I missed Chloe and her alters. I will say she is doing a good job maintaining her status as Best Legs in the Business.

traceyishere

A pre-rodeo drive shopping spree Pretty Woman moment?

amanda siegelson

she looks to me like a real life carrie bradshaw… sadly, i don’t know if that makes me like her more – or want to look away in horror.