Comment: clarity

For those aspiring to write with clarity, the first paragraph above gives a good example of why every sentence should have a subject and predicate.

The first sentence is fine. Then things start go go bad in the second sentence, but one makes it to the end still feeling like he understands what the author is trying to say. Look at the third sentence. "The errand boys. The well-paid mafia..."

One assumes at this point that the author is going to get to his main subject. "The errand boys" stands in contrast to the "Not" of the previous sentence. That is what those periods are supposed to be telling the reader. After rereading the paragraph several times, it becomes clear, however, that the author is simply giving a list of different names for the "government committees, alphabet agencies,..." which followed that "Not" that told us he was about to tell us his real subject.

Now, ask yourself: Does your reader really want to read your first paragraph three times to figure out what you are trying to say?

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