WOMEN OF WRESTLING #1
by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
Since I've been holed up in my apartment sick all weekend, I thought I'd
take the time to provide a little bonus coverage for you - sort of a
"thanks for putting up with my delays the past six weeks." Besides, I had
the time. ("Hey, Chris, are you telling me you would have actually LEFT
your apartment if you'd been well?" "Damn, I thought I left YOU living at
my parents' house.")
I was originally going to recap the first "WWF Fanatix" presentation, but
the thought of two hours of "The Rock: The People's Champion" didn't seem
like the sort of thing to encourage my immune system to respond - in fact,
I'm pretty sure that the surgeon general has determined that prolonged
exposure to the Rock's catchphrases can lead to cancer and birth defects.
I *will* say that it's nothing you haven't seen before - a long string of
"WWF Superstars" segments, clip packages, and "behind the scenes"
interviews of various superstars, officials and commentators kissing the
Rock's ass. Watching this video side-by-side with Mandalay's WCW offerings
- not that I would DREAM of making comparisons, mind you - you really get a
sense of which company has the time, resources and interest in making a
product that can not only hold the attention of the intended audience, but
works to convey the sense that the audience's investment in the show (both
in terms of time AND money spent) is actually worth it. If you haven't
bought the video yet and if you LUV the Rock, you might want to shed some
ducats. If you have the video, all you get extra is some "witty banter"
betwixt Coachman and Foley as well as a recap of "This Is Your Life" (aka
"Russo's Finest Moment - Yes I'm Being Sarcastic").
No, the reason I'm here TONIGHT - are you still here after that last
paragraph? Good - is to present the premiere episode of the syndicated
"Women of Wrestling" show - hopefully bolstering the rather pathetic WL
"Indies" page (go look right now if you don't believe me) in the process.
A bit about the new group: in addition to begging for a lawsuit from the
alleged partners of the WrestleLine website by prominently featuring the
letters WOW, they are the second federation this year to attempt to break
into national syndication with hopes of success (and it's almost been long
enough that you can't remember how well the WXO did NOT fare). Behind the
scenes, the man with the money is David McLane - if I were more of an
"insider," I could go into excruciating detail about his prior connection
to GLOW, but I'd like to have the time to watch the A's game tonight.
Besides, you have no interest in me proving to you what an "insider" I
am...do you?
This episode aired in selected markets last week, but the heralded debut
was this weekend for the majority of the nation. In my area, the show can
be caught on KNTV 11 (hey Craig) at 3PM Saturday and at 12:30 that night on
KBWB 20. No Sacramento station yet, though - check their website (wowe.com) for a constantly-updating (more or
less) list of stations.
The "WOW - WOMEN OF WRESTLING" logo opens up our show - a large lavendar
block of letters with a female silhouette inside the "O." Get used to it,
we'll be seeing it a lot tonight...
We open with a vignette (sports entertainment RULES!) - out on a beach, a
pair of "Baywatch"-esque blondes strike the standard poses - running in
slow motion with a floaty, standing and looking at nothing, daring us to
look at their breasts, and batting a volleyball over a net. A voice: "I
*love* being a lifeguard, but I'm also one of the Women of Wrestling. With
my partner, Sandy, the Beach Patrol is the hottest team. I wonder if the
tag team we meet today is as much fun as we are!"
A WOW logo cuts us to a...prison. Another vignette as we watch a guard
knock on a door. "Time to get ready - you have a match today." A prisoner
clad in orange jumpsuit, barefoot, and (oh oh!) black, runs to the window
of the door. "I can't WAIT to commit assault - legally!" Her partner
appears behind her. "Whoever you are, you don't stand a chance...when
Caged Heat is unleashed!" They laugh. The doors open, and out walks Delta
Lotta Pain and Loca - at least, that's what the logos say. Looks like they
have shoes now - how confusing! One of the girls' trademarks is to whip
her four pigtails at other people. I'll probably be able to tell them
apart later...a minivan with Nevada plates drives away from the
prison...looking inside the van, we see the girl with cornrows applying
eyeliner while the other one holds a compact mirror. "Hold the mirror up -
hold still, now, I wanna look good." "And MEAN!" "Do I look mean now?"
They laugh again...
An arena - specifically, the Great Western Forum in Inglewood, CA - who's
got the taping date? Sometime in September, I believe - anyway, this is
Women of Wrestling for the weekend of 7.10.2K (taped ??) and as we look at
the top of the ramp, emerging from the smoke is a man in tuxedo...with a
mic. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm your host, DAVID McLANE...and *this* is
Women of Wrestling....WOW!!" Somewhere, some pyro makes a small BOOM as we
immediately cut to an entrance video...
BEACH PATROL v. CAGED HEAT - McLane: "From the Beaches of California, Sunny
and Sandy - the Beach Patrol!" Go figure - they wear red tights resembling
a swimsuit, with those ubiquitous floaties carried along. Their music
sounds like a ripoff of "Wind Beneath My Wings" - must be the "Beaches"
thing. Hey, I thought "Sunny" was trademarked? (Possible lawsuit count: 2
- and a quick website check reveals they may have already changed her name
to Summer - unless Summer is somebody else - ah, who can say) "Their
opponents today, making their way from Nevada State Prison..." We look
backstage, to see the convicts exiting the van and being uncuffed.
"Where're the bimbos? Where're the bimbos?" "Making their way in fron the
back of the arena, Caged Heat is unleashed! Caged Heat is unleashed!"
Delta Lotta Pain and Loca have a bit of a rap to their entrance music -
think JJ Fad, only instead of being cute, they're prisoners. And there's
only two of them. Okay! "Ladies and gentlemen, just released--" McLane
gets a big shove, falling off his feet and into the ropes. Just in case we
weren't sure who the heels were in this match (hint: they ain't white and
blonde). "You think you be bad, punk? You ain't seen nothin'!" "Wait
until you meet the Heat - Caged Heat!" "Ladies and gentlemen, Caged
Heat...Loca (motions to woman with many pigtails) and Delta Lot Of Pain!
(motions to woman with cornrows and black bandana - managing to
mispronounce "Lotta" first chance he gets - yeah!)" Loca goes ahead and
gives McLane a *second* shove on his way out. Voiceover: "Well all right,
here we go - hi, everybody, LEE MARSHALL, along with David McLane, treated
not too very well right out of the gate, David." Yup, *that* Lee Marshall
- looks like he's escaped the ESPN2 arm wrestling circuit to once again
call the action of televised professional wrestling - perhaps they couldn't
afford the services of Chris Cruise? Pearl Harbor from the women in orange
and the Beach Patrol are quickly tossed out. Pose on the corner - Loca
whipping her hair about again. The opening bell sounds and the Heat
scatter. No, check that - they're out to inflict some more punishment on
the Beach Patrol. Rolled back in - all four ladies still in the ring -
double head to the turnbuckle. We are told that Heat are "on work release"
- make your own joke here. Loca working over...one of the Patrol...with
forearms. Double whip, double reversal, and the Heat collide in the
centre. The Beach Patrol make two wishes - and then do it again. Sunny
(they say) shoves Pain while Loca shoves down Sandy - then tosses her
through the ropes to the outside. Inside the ring, Sunny puts Pain in a
Boston crab. Pain slips her backwards for a 2, but Sunny rolls her legs,
pinning Pain's arms for 2. Lee *now* calls her Sandy - ah hell, HE can't
even tell 'em apart. Whoever it is, she's got Pain by the cornrows...but a
rake of the face turns the tide. Loca comes in without a tag - both women
send Sunny into the ropes, they slap a prison high ten and then connect
with a double elbow. There's a whole lotta taunting goin' on. Pain with a
right. Got her by the hair - snapmare - shot for Sandy on the apron. Got
Sunny's hair again - and another snapmare. While Pain poses on the ropes,
let's take an ad break.
When we come back, it's almost as if time's been standing still for the
past two minutes of Benny Hill video ad - everybody's in the same spot, and
only the camera angle has changed. Pain working over "Sandy's partner" -
hmmm, that sounds lawsuit-wary to ME. Into the ropes, hairpull takedown.
Big splash - 1, 2, kickout. Pain stands on the hair and pulls her up by
the arms. Another one. Our unnamed (yet blind) referee attempts to break
it up and enforce the rules, but it ain't happening. Trying for a third
pull, but Sunny manages a headscissors to take her off her hair. Sandy
reaching for the tag as Loca is tagged in - HOT TAG! Sandy's clothesline
is ducked...Loca's gutshot is not. Well, scratch the "hot" part of that
tag, I guess. Got HER by the hair...asking the ref to talk to the
hand...big scoop...and a big slam. Pulling her up by the hair again...shot
for Sunny on the apron, distracting the ref while the Heat doubleteam
behind his back - double hiptoss. Tonight, a twenty-woman battle royal to
determine the WOW Champion! Loca walks over her stomach, then
drops...Sunny in to break it up at 2. This brings in Pain, and it's ALL
breaking down here. The Beach Patrol put against a rope - double tieup in
the ropes! Caged Heat pound away as the ref counts to five. That's a
disqualification, folks - what is it they say about the first match setting
a tone for the whole program? SCROOOOOOOJOB. (DQ - we saw 4:46)
Post-match, Caged Heat grab the life preservers and ready for a swing...but
the ref stands between them. So, they put the floaties down...and then
deck the ref, sending him over the top rope to the floor! Grabbing the
life preservers again, they strike a mocking pose...then swing away.
McLane promises fines for sure. Stomping away on the (now freed) Beach
Patrol - they undo the ropes of the life preservers and work the choke.
Here to make a save are TWO NO-NAMES, I guess - as they come in...and
quickly go out without identification. That one poor woman there is more
worried about keeping her shorts on than actually helping out. The next
woman out is identified by McLane as HAMMERIN' HEATHER STEELE (any
relation?) but *she* is quickly tossed out of the ring. Next out are TWO
MORE UNIDENTIFIED WOMEN. McLane makes his hundredth call for security as
THE BIG LOOKIN' GUARD DUDE comes out and cuffs Pain - Pain on his back, but
he throws her off as McLane helps him subdue Loca. "Caged Heat has been
disqualified!"
"For all the information and updates on WOW, log on to WOWE.com, and get
your access to WOW power!"
Coming up next, the Real Deal Selina Majors against Thug! Here's a look at
Thug, along with EZ Rider and Charlie Davidson - all three are on
motorcycles. We are told that we won't want to miss this one!
When we come back, the three women are just getting off their bikes.
"Accompanied to the ring by her gang, Charlie Davidson and EZ Rider, it's
the leader of Harley's Angels - it's the brawling biker - she is Thug!"
Entrance video shows some motorcycles and the three of them...standing
around, looks like. Harley's Angels logo - and Thug logo - Thug breaks a
pool cue over some dude in the video, and sure enough, one of the Angels
carries a pool stick with her. "Her opponent, a four-time world champion
and a rooooole model - she is the Real Deal...Selina Majors!" "CG magic"
logo - but as she comes out, one of the Angels takes the mic. "I've got
something to say, Selina! You may be a all-time champ, but to Harley's
Angels, you ain't nothin' but a all-time CHUMP! Now get in here before I
make roadkill outta you!" Majors has a regal theme, if it were recorded on
one of your more basic $29 Casio deals. But the BEST part of this match
is...*both combatants have mullets.* As cool as mullets look on men,
there's definitely an inverse relationship to how they look on women, lemme
tell ya...
THUG (with EZ Rider & Charlie Davidson) v. SELINA "THE REAL DEAL" MAJORS -
Marshall: "I tell you what, David, this could be one of the greatest
women's matches we've seen in quite some time." Is that saying much, given
the wonen's matches we've had over the past...eighteen minutes? Oh well,
here we go. Lockup, takeover by Majors - hairpull complaint by Thug.
Lockup, side headlock by Majors, chain wrestling into a schoolboy for 2 -
another hair pull complaint. Lockup, side headlock by Majors...powered out
into the ropes, shoulderblock by Majors - off the ropes - up and over -
snapmare by Majors. A third complaint of a tug on the mullet. Majors is
from Stone Mountain, Georgia, we are told - hey, you don't mean that's
really....but I thought she was dead! After the requisite heel stalling
and mullet fluffing, we lock up again - into a corner - no clean break by
Thug - forearm, forearm, forearm. Into the opposite corner, Majors gets
the legs up, then rolls the body for 2! Collar-and-elbow, arm wringer by
Thug, hairpull takedown (dastardly!) Majors powers up, and Thug pulls the
hair again. Working the armbar. Majors nips up - right, right, right,
gutshot by Thug, side headlock...really squeezing it in now. Majors pushes
her to the ropes - clean break? No, Thug shoves - Majors with a right,
right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, hairpull takedown by
Majors. McLane: "A little tit for tat, Lee!" Me: "He just said WHAT?" Up
in the corner...and a monkey flip out. Now Thug's a big girl, so that's
rather impressive. Open-handed slap, slap, snapmare takeover...off the
ropes...but into Thug's knees! Thug over for the cover - 1, 2, foot on the
bottom rope. Thug picks her up and ties her to the Tree of Woe. Knee to
the midsection - knee - the referee finally pulls Thug off and frees
Majors. Thug with a forearm in the back. Big right hand puts her down.
Scoop - backbreaker across the knee. Off the ropes, big splash...for 2.
Thug going to the rear chinlock. McLane either names off all the people
who've given him money, or identifies super fans in the crowd - you make
the call. This arena looks about a third full. Majors finally up and
elbowing out, slap, off the ropes, ducks a clothesline, off the ropes
again, floating over for a DDT! But it's *Thug's* foot on the rope.
Majors picks up Thug, but gets a shot in the eyes. Thug tosses her
outside...and follows. Thug puts Majors' head to the broadcast table -
then Rider and Davidson come over for some stomping. It's time for an ad
break! Graphic sez: "Is Selena History? Find out next!"
Two and a half minutes later, Selina Majors has made her way back to the
apron - sunset flip attempt, but Thug is holding the ropes - the referee
decides to kick away Thug's arms (blatant cheatery!), but only gets to
count 2 as Thug kicks out. Into the ropes, head down, Majors with a
leapfrog, dropping down - feet up to the shoulders and muscling her down -
but only getting 2! Gutshot by Majors, another, Thug puts her into the
ropes, big back elbow. Cover...2. Big right hand to the chest, right
hand, into the opposite corner, follow clothesline finds the mark. Kickout
at 2. Majors shaking it off - Thug with a blatant choke in the corner.
Into the opposite corner - but Selina gets the boots up! Second rope
crossbody lands - but they're under the ropes. Thug rakes the eyes - and
throws Majors to the outside once again. Thug follows - big right hand.
Right hand. Our referee is identified as "Blind" Jesse Hernandez - wasn't
he in another women's federation a while back? Majors rolled back in -
Thug back in. Clubbing blow to the back - another - Majors grabs Thug by
the tights and pulls her outside through the ropes. The other two Angels
are over to check on Thug...and Majors throws a dropkick through the ropes
- Thug ends up double clotheslining her partners on the floor! Majors
starting to feel it...Thug up on the apron, Selina over to pull her in over
the top rope - and she lands hard. Big slap by Majors, another slap, into
the ropes is reversd, but Majors hits a Thesz press! Right, right, right,
got both legs - catapult into the post! Thug tries a clothesline, but it's
ducked - Selina with a KICK WHAM STUNNER, but Hernandez is distracted and
misses the rollup - allowing Davidson (ah, so that one's Davidson) to come
in and break up the attempt with the pool cue, breaking it over her
abdomen. Thug and Davidson break another part of the stick on Majors.
Finally, Hernandez turns around as Rider drops off the apron to see Thug
with a cover (and probably pulling the tights for good measure as well) -
1, 2, 3. (we saw 9:55) We get to see Thug's logo again for good measure.
McLane is up to the ring. "Selina, are you okay?" "You know what...Thug
and her gang - this ain't the first time, but I promise you it will not be
the last time!" "They tried to put you out of commission because tonight
in this ring, it's a twenty-person over the top rope battle royal for the
world championship! They don't want you to win the WOW Championship."
"Well, you know something, they know the same thing I know and all these
fans know - I came here for one reason tonight, and that's to make my dream
come true, I've been wrestling for fifteen years, tonight, I'm gonna win
the WOW Championship belt, and I'm gonna do it for me, and I'm gonna do it
for each and every one of these fans here tonight." "Well, I know you're
gonna do it, not only for these fans and the millions of people watching on
TV, but there are two people dear to your heart that are here tonight at
ringside." "That's right, David - I'm from Atlanta, Georgia, and my father
- who is the reason that I got into professional wrestling, when I was a
little girl, he used to take me to the wrestling matches, and I sat there
on the front row just like all of you - my dad drove all the way from
Atlanta to watch me win the belt, and the first wrestling promoter I ever
wrestled for in the fifteen years is Verne Gagne from the AWA, and I got
all the respect for him and my dad in the world. I'm doing it not only for
me, not only for you, but for you, Dad, and for you, Verne Gagne."
Coming up: the Battle Royal!
As we watch two women working out (woo hoo!), the caption reads: "When the
Championship gets in the way of friendship..." Voiceover: "It was only
natural that two top athletes would be drawn to each other. Though from
different walks of life, they both had the same competitive spirit and
desire to excel..." They share a happy moment at the snack machine - and
walk off arm in arm. "They spurred each other on, happy for their
successes, but they both were driven to be the best...and there can only be
one in first place." A shot of them sharing a laugh as they exit the
locker room. "The same competitive spirit that brought them
together...pulled them apart." The picture rips down the centre. "When I
first joined WOW, I looked around and I sized up the competition. You
could tell Jungle Grrrl was special. We became close friends." "Terri
Gold? Yeah, Terri Gold looked like a winner - she was cool....in the
beginning." "Jungle Grrrl has great agility - she's used to climbing trees
and swingin' from vines - but she's a little wild, and that's gonna be her
downfall." "She's only worried about lookin' good in the ring - there are
no judges handing out perfect tens here! It's either kill - or be killed -
and that's the law of the jungle." "But I have my eyes set on the world
championship - and Jungle Grrrl's one of the obstacles in my way." "I
wanted to squash Terri Gold in the WOW Premiere, to show who is the best -
yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah." "At one time, I thought we could have stayed friends."
"There ARE no friends in the ring." Shot of them WALKING! in opposite
directions - stopping to glare at each other. "Up next: the friendship
that ends in the ring! Terri Gold versus Jungle Grrrl - you won't wanta
miss it!" Hey, how come the graphic says "Jumgle Grrrl," is that jus tto
confuse me? And what's with the ECW-esque segment length if they just go
ahead and take ad breaks during the matches anyway?
"Hi, I'm JULIE DAY, and *this* is what it's all about (shows lavendar title
belt on shoulder). Soon, twenty of the top women wrestlers in the world,
in the ring at the same time, and one of the most dangerous matches ever
presented - an over the top rope battle royale for the WOW Championship -
I'm here with THE DISCIPLINARIAN, direct from the Board of Education. Are
you ready for this battle?" "I'm ready...ready to teach those uncouth,
uneducated dregs of society a lesson." Removing her jacket, Disciplinarian
whacks a ruler onto a table behind her. "Wait a minute - who are you
calling uncouth and uneducated? This is WOW--" "And *everyone* needs some
discipline! I'm talking about Patti Pep, who didn't pay attention in
school and was out chasing boys on the football field. I'm talking about
Beckie, the Farmer's Daughter, who's so stupid, she's been trying for years
to milk pigs. You - you didn't get that, did you?" "Heh." "You wanna
know why? Because you need some discipline." She starts to slap her
opposite palm with her ruler. "Okay, you know what, let's go back to
ringside..." "Class is in session!" Oh, unlucky us...just when they tease
a spanking, we cut to...
JUNGLE GRRRL v. TERRI GOLD - "THIS is a challenge match! Introducing
first, from the Amazon Rain Forest, Jungle Grrrl." Think Sheena as a
brunette - leopard print, barefoot, entrance video is as "jungle" as you
can get in vast rain forests of Los Angeles County. She also perches on
the top rope. "Her opponent - the world class gymnast - Terri Gold!"
Think Kerri Strug if she were entering the Crystal Light Aerobics
Competition...oh, and gotten about a foot taller. No entrance video for
her - *her* theme resembles Selina Majors', go figure. Lots of (planted)
signs in the crowd for Gold - with either her name or "10" on them. Gold
backflips after entering the ring. Starewodn in the ring - Gold offers the
hand, and Grrrl takes her down by the face. Scoop....and a slam. Tieup,
armdrag takeover by Grrrl. Gold nips up, tieup, hiplock takeover by Grrrl,
Gold kicks her off. Both ladies up. Drop toehold by Gold - Gold with an
deathlock, only instead of bridging back, she kinda falls back to the side
instead. Gold stands up - and drops back down to the side again. Up a
third time - and putting an elbow in the spine at the same time. Gold
teaches gymnastics to children - awww. Grrrl grabs the rope. Trying to
hold on in the corner, but Gold pulls her out, and she lands back first
after letting go. Gold going for a catapult - and there it is. Grrrl put
up in the corner - whipped into the opposite corner hard. Backflip into an
elbow - slightly less crappy than Chyna's, but not much...2 count for Gold.
Grrrl rakes the face. Into the ropes, Gold somersaults under the
clothesline, but eats the elbow. Grrrl shouts - and covers...for 2. Gold
put in the corner, boot to the gut, another one. Gold does over 2500
situps a day, we are told. Where DOES she get the time? Another boot to
the abs of STEEL. Grrrl pulls Gold out, reversal into the oppsite corner,
Gold climbs up, and there's a monkey flip out. Gold handstands up, then
hits a handstand into a splash...for 2. "Terri Gold is POWERFUL!" Thanks,
David. Into the corner, but Grrrl puts the feet up as Gold runs in. Grrrl
has her by the hair - scoop...and a slam. Grrrl climbing up to the top
rope - here's a "look! I'm a cat!" pose - and here's a top-rope splash.
1, 2, 3! (4:10) Grrrl wins 'cause she has an entrance video - I guess.
They play it again for our benefit. Grrrl makes some more claw poses.
Gee, they're playing the whole thing again...dissolving into a graphic:
"The Battle Royal is coming up next!"
TWENTY WOMAN BATTLE ROYAL for the WOW Championship - when we get back, the
ring is already filled - and well it SHOULD be, as we've only got ten
minutes left in this show! (Unless they're gonna pull that "tune in next
week for the end of the match" crap - ooh, I'm BEGGIN' 'em to do THAT)
"This event is a twenty ladies battle royale to determine the NEW WOW
Champion." The bell rings in mid-announcement and we're off. Are there
really twenty women in there? MAYBE. Eh, probably. I don't see Caged
Heat in there. First elimination at around forty seconds. Jungle Grrrl
and Terri Gold going at it. We're a minute in and Marshall is busting out
"There have been a number of women that have impressed me so far in this
battle royal." Umm, okay, Lee. How's the buffet? Another elimination,
and another - nobody identified - I guess there'll be time for that later.
Disciplinarian out - Tanja the Warrior Woman out - who? Jane Blond is out.
Slam Dunk is out at the hands of four women - she seems unhappy about this.
"I AM SLAM!" Okay, you're Slam. Sandy is out. Sunny and Selina toss Ice
Cold. Sunny out. Roxy Powers out. Six women left - wow, what a three
minutes! It's Harley's Angels, Selina Majors, Terri Gold and Jungle Grrrl.
I guess that's a "what a coincidence," eh? Jungle Grrrl ties Terri Gold to
the Tree of Woe for doubleteaming from herself and Thug as Rider and
Davidson doubleteam Majors. Majors into the ropes, double back elbow.
Into the ropes again, duck, and SHE hits a double clothesline. EZ Rider
tossed. Charlie Davidson tossed. Selina over to Thug - ducking a
clothesline - KICK WHAM STUNNER - meanwhile, Gold manages a boot to Grrrl -
Majors picks up Grrrl and uses a catapult to slingshot her over the top
rope. Thug tosses Gold - but she holds onto the top rope. Majors dumps
Thug over the top...she grabs a chair. Both referees are apparently
distracted (the one inside the ring is trying to watch Gold's feet...while
Rider and Davidson try to tug on her legs...while Hernandez, on the
outside, is trying to send Jungle Grrrl back to the back) and didn't see
Thug get eliminated. WHACK and the chairshot puts Majors down to the mat,
out like a mackerel. Can I talk about fish in a women's wrestling report?
Thug tosses Majors with ease. Gold manages to break free from the Angels
and skin the cat - and there's a dropkick in the back (or butt - you
decide), sending Thug out over the top rope! Ladies and gentlemen, we have
a WOW Champion. (3:55) You just GOTTA love those sub-four minute battle
royals! PUTS THE '92 ROYAL RUMBLE TO SHAME, IT DOES "The winner of the
match - and the WORLD CHAMPION!! Someone to admire - Terri Gold!" The
ringposts burst into flames as some Aldo Montoya pinwheel pyros go off
above the ring. "Congratulations, Terri Gold - there were six women left
in the ring. Jungle Grrrl looked like she had you with Thug - but you were
able to come over, save yourself by holding onto the top rope, skinning the
cat - and coming back in to win it!" "I know, thank you David! My God. I
know a lot of people out there don't think I deserve this, or didn't think
I could do it, especially after my loss to Jungle Grrrl....but I knew in my
head and in my heart I had what it takes to win this belt. This is a huge
step in women's sports - HUGE! And I'm gonna represent it. Thank you so
much!" "We are so proud to have Terri Gold as the Champion of WOW!" But
it's not over - the Angels put Selina Majors on the commentary table as we
get our first good look at Lee Marshall - WHOA MAN! Those arm wrestling
announce gigs must pay super well, 'cause HE'S BEEN EATING *REAL* WELL, MAN
- DAMN! Anyway, there's a chair to Majors' leg. Marshall: "Stop it! What
the HELL'S wrong with you?" McLane is oblivious, showing off Terri Gold to
the crowd. DAMN, where'd they get a tux that size for Lee Marshall? BOY
IS HEFTY LEMME TELLYA - and now, VERNE GAGNE is over the rail attempting to
help restore order. McLane *finally* sees the chairage going on and pulls
the chair out of the hands of Thug. "You have no right to hit Selena
Majors with this chair - no right!" Marshall is telling anyone who will
listen that "her knee is broken." "You better not, Thug, I'm telling ya -
if you do anything with that chair, *you're outta this company forever!!*"
"I'll leave...but this is just the BEGINNING!" And off go the Angels.
Marshall is bitching to McLane: "I did not sign up for this - I DID NOT
sign up for this!" Damn, Marshall's a whiner, ain't he? Ahh, that other
dude is MR. MAJORS - well, he don't LOOK like what's-his-name. Somebody
will tell me, I'm sure. And now McLane is over to get a word from Gagne.
"Wrestling's a very very tough sport, we all know that. But it was not
supposed to be with that damn chair, I saw it hit on the leg and I think
her leg is broke." "Selina Majors' leg may be broken!" "This just goes
too far - you DON'T have to do that. This don't need to be in the sport of
wrestling - I don't care whether it's amateur or professional, whatever -
but when you start doing this, forget it." Because GOD KNOWS there's just
TOO MUCH USE OF THE CHAIR in amateur wrestling, right Verne? "I agree with
you, Verne - appropriate action will be taken - Selina, Selina, can we get
a word? Selina?" "Oh God....think she broke my leg..." "Selina...hang in
there, Selina, hang in there."
We follow the gurney as it's wheeled backstage. Closing credits roll and a
voiceover tells us to "log on RIGHT NOW to wowe.com for an update!"
Promotional consideration spots: Tootsie candies, Invention Submission
Corporation, and Tootsie candies (again!)
Majors is loaded on the ambulance as we take the final copyright notice.
Well, there you have it. Clearly, T&A isn't the aim here, which sets it
apart from the most of the 80's ladies' feds - and is probably a good
thing. The wrestling was competent, if unspectacular. Obviously, they're
trying to introduce us to the performers as well as set up some storylines,
so I'm definitely willing to give them the benefit of the doubt on that. On
another hand, the logos, vignettes and music generally add a cheese factor
to the overall product - but again, that's not necessarily a BAD thing.
They've apparently got the money to last at least another four or five
tapings (the website has announced tapings on 7 October, 4 November and 17
November - all at the Great Western Forum) and, if all goes well, plan to
hold a pay-per-view card on 4 February 2001. So it would SEEM that it's
going to *easily* outlast the WXO...but, and this is possibly the MOST
salient point...
...when was the last time you associated the name "Verne Gagne" with the
word "success?"
QUICK QUOTE: Want a piece of WOW Entertainment? They operate as a
subsidiary of the American Gaming & Entertainment, Limited. (ticker:
AGEL.OB) and trade on the Over the Counter market. Current price per
share: $0.60.
Please feel free to send feedback to me and/or the folks running this site
- should I continue writing up WOW? Either way, I'll see you tomorrow with
your Monday roundup!
Christopher Robin Zimmermanwww.CRZ.net