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Popping up in worst-case-scenario dreams. They can be rationalized, because they’re not new – this is not new. It doesn’t make them go away. Unfortunately.

Part of this is the reality that all transitions, even necessary and expected ones, have a degree of stress and loss. For all the downsides, there are aspects of this place that are comfortable. What is that worth? Rumination over what will fit and what will not starts as the reality of the cost of shipping sets in.

Then, overwrung battle plans are made. About how each month the small stack of reading beside me must become smaller and as that happens things will be given away. Maps to make the end smoother, less full of decisions. A slow release from the tyranny of things. Mentally marking the items that would come, the ones that must come, the ones that will be missed. Considering who the best things that cannot come should be left with.

I was looking at a cardigan sweater yesterday and realized it had been around nearing 20 years.

Fussing with the inanimate distracts from other stress and loss that cannot be neatly sorted, listed, wrapped up. Every move has some weight but at this point, a big change is realistically a potentially definitive end. We likely won’t pass this way again.