"I'm Pregnant. So why can't I tell you?"

Hello there! So, I’m not pregnant…..yet! We just started TTC. My husband is 45, I’m soon to be 38, AND, I have a unicornuate uterus. The odds aren’t exactly in our favor, but we are excited, happy and optimistic. 🙂

We have discussed *when* we get pregnant, when do we tell people? Traditionally, the first trimester is the most dangerous. With my condition, spontaneous abortion risks don’t decrease much even in the second trimester. Even without that lovely statistic, I would want to tell people the moment it is confirmed by the GYN. Why, you ask? This article does a great job summarizing my thoughts. I would want to share my joy with my closest family and friends right away! It will be one of the happiest times of me and DHs lives! And, in the event things don’t turn out the way we would want, I’d certainly need to lean on them through my grief.

*Personally*, I felt that it would be easier for me to get over a miscarriage if I didn’t also have to tell a lot of people that I was no longer pregnant. But I am an introvert and did not feel that other people would provide much useful support.

Debating this currently. I found out I’m pregnant a early last week (I’m 4w now) and I feel like the information has been burning a hole in my brain ever since. I am really struggling with who to tell and when. We definitely plan to tell close friends and family before 12 weeks, as I’d want to lean on them if something did happen. But the how soon to share question is so hard right now. I am vascillating between feeling protective of the information and reminding myself that “it’s so early”, and feeling like I’m going to explode if I don’t tell a few girlfriends very soon.

Like the author of the articile, I am an oversharer by nature and terrible with secrets…. and it’s so weird that this crazy, thrilling, scary thing is now the biggest secret I’ve ever had.

Tess63110: We told immediate family and friends right away! It took us over a year to conceive and they knew we were trying. We felt the same as you and wanted them to share in our joy and excitement. We wanted to celebrate the life we created, even if it was only to be short lived. If something bad were to happen we would want their support and understanding. Personally, I felt why should I go through that pain and suffering alone? I also would not have been able to hide any nausea and fatigue from them. I worked out a lot before getting pregnant and it significantly diminished in the first trimester due to not feeling well. Friends and family would certainly know something was up.

We waited to do any social media about the pregnancy until we saw the baby’s heart beat at 7w5d. Luckily, I am now in the 2nd trimester and everything is going perfectly! Good luck to you!!

Tess63110: I have never understood why people think it’s a big deal to keep pregnancy a secret for the first trimester- or beyond in some cases.

The only reason I didn’t tell anyone I was pregnant with my first- is because I wasn’t married at the time, and I wasn’t sure it was going to be recieved well- it had nothing to do with first trimester- more just be getting the courage to tell my family.

The baby- I don’t remember when we said anything…..maybe about 6-8 weeks? I would have been about 5 or 5.5 weeks when I found out….and we didn’t hide it.

Even if something happens in the first trimester- you were still pregnant- no matter which way anyone tries to look at it….so why shouldn’t it be shared?

And then of course- if something does happen, you’ll have a larger support group than if you kept it to yourself.

I have a friend who is very Catholic and they have seven children. She has had at least 2 miscarriages along the way. I also know she hasn’t been shy about sharing each pregnancy- through social media- right from the start.

If you want to tell your nearest and dearest, I don’t think anyone would debate this. It’s not just about wanting the privacy in the event something went wrong, though that traditional superstition was a big part of it for me, personally.

But nine months is just a loooonnngggg time for your more casual friends and extended family to stay as excited as you. I know someone who announced the day the test stick came out positive, complete with photos and weekly updates on FB. Rude as the comments are, and they are, I heard people saying things like “Wow it seems like she’s been pregnant forever” or ” Hasn’t she had that baby by now?!”

I don’t think my husband and I would be able to keep a secret like that for 3 months lol. It would be out so fast.

The new baby is a big deal for the mom and dad, and their family… who cares if someone on social media no longer feels excited for the couple because the pregnancy is realistically timed? I agree that the weekly updates and pee test photos and cutesy signage is kind of annoying, but they can unfollow if they want to have the whole play by play. 40 weeks is a long time, and that’s just part of it.

I’m 10 weeks pregnant, and we let immediate family know shortly after we found out but we haven’t told friends yet. I can understand why people want to tell straight away, but Im definitely more comfortable waiting until after the 12 week scan. I’m pretty introverted, and if something were to happen, I would hate having to tell people about it. I know everyone would be lovely and sympathetic but I think I’d even find it hard to deal with that.

We told DHs grandmother shortly after we found out, and that made me feel really anxious afterwards – she’s been quite depressed ever since her daughter (DHs mother) passed away a few years ago, and she’s so happy about becoming a great grandmother that I would feel terrible about having to tell her if I were to miscarry.

Tess63110: It’s such a personal decision. If you’re comfortable telling the world right away (and then possibly telling everyone you miscarried) that is fine. If you want to keep it private until after the first trimester (or longer) that is fine, too. There’s no right answer.

When I got pregnant I told my mom right away, then a couple close friends at around 8 weeks. Everyone else was later. I felt extrememly guarded and private about. If I had miscarried I would have wanted to tell select people on my own terms, not have to “re-announce” to everyone and deal with their sadness or awkwardness or whatever.

If it were me I would tell my family and close friends right away, but not announce it on facebook or social media. If you don’t talk to the person in real life, you probably don’t need to rely on them for support.