Children need help when going through divorce

December 24, 2013

We are in the Early Childhood Education class at James Rumsey Technical Institute. FCCLA (Family, Career, and Community Leaders of America) is our career and technical student organization. When we were asked to "Focus on Children" and to identify concerns, we chose to focus on divorce and how it impacts children.

We believe that divorce has become the norm, and that it is overlooked. It has increased drastically since the late 1900s and continues to rise. People are unhappy, but everyone does not realize the harm it puts on the children in the home as well. Even if the child does not hear any of the arguing they still know when mom or dad moves out or if they move to a new house away from one parent. Children do not understand completely and it is not good to hide things from them because it causes worry and stress.

We have studied psychologist Erik Erikson. His research shows that children develop and go through emotional stages which are critical to their growth. Erikson states "During the first year of life children need safe, consistent, predictable and reliable care, if a child receive this they develop a sense of trust which will carry with them to other relationships, and they will feel secure even when threatened." If children are not developing properly they may be mistrusting of the world and have anxiety as well as high insecurities. If parents divorce even after this time period of development many children still obtain many of the problems stated before due to the fact the home life has changed drastically.

Erickson also states "In young adulthood they will begin to make intimate connections with people outside of the family. If successful in this stage they will feel comfortable, safe, and cared for in their relationship. Avoiding intimacy, fearing commitment and relationships can lead to isolation, loneliness, and depression." Children who experience divorce may become fearful of being in intimate relationships because of what they went through as a child and how they felt during the experience.

Suggestions you may want to try to help children through a divorce:

1. Make sure both parents stay in the children's life

2. Stay neutral and do not argue about the child. Try to come to terms on things.

3. Communicate with the other parent, do not make the child the messenger.

4. Remind the child it is not their fault

5. Tell the truth as much as possible

6. Say "I love you." A lot.

7. Express the changes that may be happening and explain what the children needs to prepare for.

8. Acknowledge the children's feelings and listen to what they have to say.