News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

Horror in Holsworthy this afternoon.

The local Traffic Warden known as Mr C (not the famous rapper from the seminal 90’s rave band the Shamen) who works around Holsworthy (every minute of everyday of the fucking year it feels like), was spotted by a fan parking in the most horrendous and completely irresponsible fashion today. From eye witness accounts it appears that Mr C**t first came into the square and did a couple of twat laps before yanking on the handbrake and sliding into the only available space in the square whilst shouting “Fuck you, you dirty, dirty criminals”. After getting his swag on, he was seen heading of in search of Hard working citizens who’s day he could ruin.

Little did he realise that he himself, had parked incorrectly. As can be seen in the pictures provided, his drivers frontside wheel is partially out of the parking space. A most evil, lazy and despicable crime if ever the Mafia have seen one.

One local resident described his bad parking as “More criminal than Dubstep”. Another said “Even Stevie Wonder would be ashamed of that parking”

We have no doubt that if you the public had left your vehicle in this way Mr C would have slapped a “Yellow sticker of doom” on your car, and laughed maniacally as he slithered away.

We spoke to the Don and he had this to say:- ” Shame on you Mr C. Stop pretending to be a police man and get a real Job”.

The Holsworthy Mafia reached out to Devon County Council for comment, but they were to busy getting rid of Lollipop ladies and awarding themselves a £100,000 expenses increase.