Thursday, October 20, 2005

My Gas is Low Class

I want to go on record as saying that passing gas is quite possibly the most timeless joke ever. I have to believe that the disciples were sitting around the fire and Jesus was like, "Shhh Shhh did you guys here that?, I think it was the father" PPOOOOOooooooooot. And everyone laughed except Luke, cause there is always one guy who doesn't think it's funny. But as time has gone on the gas joke has been pushed to the back of the joke rack only pulled out when men find themselves alone or if your lucky in a car full of trapped victims. I bring this up because I believe that I have been "gifted" with the "ability" to drop a well placed bomb at any time. Only to the dismay of my friend Jeremy. I guess the reality is that he has grown past it while I have sadly remained. This was my mind set until I read something of Sams. He was talking about your faith being childlike. So in the biggest stretch of theology since Mormonism, I believe that God wants my child like jokes to be used to better the kingdom. But first I must bring Jeremy into the fold. So later I am going to lock him in our office and have an intervention. Be praying, there is no ventilation in our office. And I ate Mexican for lunch.

Aaron-I am a friend of Ben Ries, and Andy Ries too, as long as he is not wearing his manpris. I feel like I know you by the numerous stories that Ben has told about you over the years. Actually, there were only like two stories, but as you know Ben likes to tell the same old stories over and over again. My favorite is the competition you two had during timeouts at a Cascade basketball game to see who could run out onto the floor the farthest. Ben always claimed that you were the funniest guy he knew. I had my doubts because Ben, well, he claims a lot of things (ie: being a good baller, walking in "the Way", being the biological father to all three of his kids). After reading "My Gas is Low Class" I can see that Ben might have actually been telling the truth about you. Brilliant. Absolutely Hilarious. Keep up the good work. Adam

Let it be know that Adam is from Oklahamo, which we all know to be Arkansas.... with a few less inbreeds and only 1.5 rusted-out cars parked in the front lawn, compared to 2.3 in Arkansas.

I do say this with a lot of love and affection. Not the sick love and affection that Adam has for his cousins, but rather a love that comes from from knowing that it is Adam who has Ben Ries firmly planted on the road to lung cancer. Thanks for being his smoking pal... way to be there for him. I hope you die the moment his cancerous lungs collapse. (don't worry though, I will take some credit for his failing liver).

Adam, you are correct... Aaron is possibly one of the funniest people you may ever be privileged to meet... but don't short change yourself.... you got some good stories of your own.

I need to go try on some of my European Manpris. I may look stupid, but it gets me the hot European chicks. At least there is something positive about the french....

Look, When God granted Man a Soul and reached out with that beautiful strength I can tell you from firsthand experience he said:

"Pull MY Finger!"

(thunderous.... applause?)

Nothing sacrilegous about that - as who claimed he is anything but as good as or slightly less than we are - as a monkey with a soul that is human (1+1+0 = 3) That then sits around seeking truth (wherever two are gathered, therefore so AM I) Ahhhhh (1+1+0 = 3)

IS PROBABLY MORE THEN GOD, AS HE'D MAKE MERCEDES IF HE COULD BUT HIS FINGERS ARE TOO DAMN BIG.

Can't make a planet on Tuesday and happymeal toys on Wednesday - problem of scale.

Until you can agree that problematic people like child molesters should be given the choice of gifted but starving (and tasty) children from Africa instead of being cursed, condemned and treated as less than the rest of us, you have no right to claim ANYTHING about what God likes or dislikes.

He likes that idea - it nurtures life. I was there and saw the burning bush on that one.

Compassion, justice, humility and mercy. Whenever However Whatever Together AND Forever. Any rule but those violates MY right to be me.