The dark clouds of assignments have passed; however, the dark clouds of exams are looming. Despite the ‘dark times’ though, I am truly grateful. I’m grateful to have the opportunity to pursue my dreams. The good thing about the dark times are that they’re usually synonymous with busy times; i.e., no time for a wandering mind.

Although I don’t have the time for it, my mind and heart have wandered home.

Watching and reading about the lives of loved ones through social media can be difficult. I didn’t realize how much I miss physical contact with loved ones. A warm hug, a hand on the shoulder, heck, even a slap in the ass from a mate in the gym hah. I often wonder whether I did myself a disservice by not getting too close to any friends here. Staying in the shadows. Satisfied with the version of me they’ve created, ignorant of my truth. I wonder whether I’ve done myself a disservice by not giving all of myself to these relationships. Then I remember…

I used to say; “They’ll have to drag me out kicking and screaming.” Well, there’s kicking and screaming and angry tears.

I want to quit. But that’s not an option. I’m running out of options, and time.

Have you ever wanted something so bad it hurts. Like, physicallyhurts? Your body has a physiological reaction to the psychological panic of seeing it crumbling before your eyes?

Everything I’ve done so far has been to get here, now I’m struggling to get through it, wondering if I belong here to begin with. Wondering if fighting all odds to get here was not bravery, but stupidity.

I’m posting this in the hopes that one day, in the not-so-distant future (I.e. In December when I conquer this devil named law school), I’ll look back to this post. I’ll look back and smile or maybe cringe, but either way I’ll be able to say, I did it.

This can’t be it for me. This story doesn’t end here. It can’t. It just can’t.

A relatively new lift for me. I like the Olympic lifts. They’re strong, powerful, I love ’em… But they need work. My “internally rotated shoulders” get in the way so I have difficulty keeping the bar close to me through the lift. I’m working on it, though 🙂

Not all that bad, actually (despite the running!) Finished strong, maintained good form. Conditioning and endurance is improving. Shoulder rehab under control as well.

Schooling
Currently, the bane of my existence.

AssignmentsThree assignments due in less than a week; all within three days of each other. No rough drafts as of yet. Writing is too verbose; some of the content is questionable. I need a miracle swift kick in the a$$ to settle down the creative writing and get technical.

Exams
Start in less than a month. Exam prep started in week 3, but kinda fell off the radar by week 7 once assignments started rolling in.

Ok, so 2/3 flourishing avenues of life isn’t bad, but considering that schooling is the most important… We have a little problem. Here’s hoping the past few days of workouts (and positive energy from supporting readers) have been just what I needed to remedy the academic block.