Jason Torchinsky

There's been a lot of talk about the new noses on the 2014 F1 cars — mostly about what sort of gentials they resemble. As much as I love genitalia, the immediate gonadal assumption of the new noses isn't really fair or accurate, which is why I'm happy to present this comprehensive chart of the 2014 F1 noses.

Ferrari's new Formula One car, the Ferrari F 14 T, is here, and unlike everybody else's…
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I programmed the Jalopnik Mainframe (located in a nuclear-hardened bunker several hundred feet beneath Nathan Lane's illegal Malibu horse slaughterhouse) to assess each nose from three angles and then run a heuristic image-association search to determine what each nose most resembled. I think the results are fascinating, and they're 91% genital-free!

So, give it a look. This chart is especially huge, so if you want to print it out for wall-mounted studying, have at it. The big version can be accessed here as well, in case you have trouble enlarging. Happy nose-viewing!