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Don’t Go Smelling My . . .

When you live with boys and men (larger boys, really), one thing is inevitable– farts. For some reason, men love their farts. The first time my husband told me that he and best friend Steve used to light their farts when they were boys, I was appalled.

But then I got to thinking, even back when I was a kid, my family (not my mother) joked about farts, or “poops” as we called them then, not to be confused with real poops, which we called “big duty.” (Don’t ask me why).

Anyway, whenever my father “pooped,” he would say– “better out in the big world than in my little stomach” (Or was that for burps? I can’t really remember).

In any event, the other day as I was listening to Elton John and Kiki Dee Sing “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart,” I realized that this song was just begging to be parodied. I couldn’t help myself. Better out on my blog than inside my tiny brain, which is already crowded with other random thoughts and useless information. Happy Friday.

Don’t go smelling my farts
I wish you warned me before
Honey they smell like roses
They could start a world war

Don’t go smelling my farts
Stop eating raw broccoli
Honey when you walked in the room
I thought a skunk had sprayed me

Nobody likes it
When I pass gas
I have to move fast
No one can stand it
They’re not that foul
They squirt from your bowels
Oh yes,
They squirt from your bowels

So let me play a fun game
Don’t you dare light that fart
I’ll put the spark to the flame
Babe you’ll sleep in the barn

I need to fart
You better not start
Did you feel that breeze
You smell like gangrene
Oh, Oh
When you cut the cheese