Activists call for greater... What were we talking about?

Abigail LaBounty

Over the holiday break, Attorney General of Oklahoma Scott Pruitt announced that he, along with Nebraska Attorney General Jon Bruning, is suing Colorado for legalizing marijuana, stating that marijuana flow from Colorado is undermining their states’ marijuana bans.

When asked for comment, Colorado Attorney General Cynthia Coffman replied that Pruitt “just really needs to chill out, man.” Coffman went on to detail every funny moment in the most recent Seth Rogen movie while eating food from a lunchbox that looked suspiciously like Taco Bell. She later invited Pruitt and Bruning to her movie marathon next Friday.

During Pruitt’s most recent “business trip” to Denver, he was seen at a ski resort with Coffman, but sources report that they never came out of the main buildings except to make the occasional convenience store trip. Pruitt was seen returning with Mountain Dew, Doritos, ice cream and a couple of frozen pizzas.

When we spoke with his family, his grandmother told us that when he came home for Christmas he was really torn up about something and must have been out hunting this week because “his eyes were always red and he smelled like a skunk.” She went on to wonder if he was getting enough to eat since he wouldn’t stop snacking the whole time.

In a statement a week later, Jon Bruning spent the entire hour asking “why no one invited me. I mean, I’m a pretty cool guy. I go rollerblading on weekends and do my crosswords with a pen. Why doesn’t anyone ever invite me to these things?” Bruning went on to state that he would fight Colorado’s new legalization laws to his last breath.

The attorneys general, deep in a debate about which Chinese place to order from.