21 January 2014

the story of ethan's birth

here it is, friends. believe it or not, this is actually the abbreviated
version of our birth story. i figured the whole world didn't need to
read every tiny detail that i remembered and wrote down in the original
version because i want to preserve every bit that i possibly can and my
memory these days (especially when it comes to our birth experience) is,
well, less than perfect. it took me a few months to get around to
sitting down and writing this all out and then a few more months for me
to refine it and go over it with jared. after all, this story belongs to
both of us. so, almost six months later, here it is for those
interested...the story of ethan's birth.

(this post also appeared on the blooma blog.
blooma is a yoga studio and community that played such an important
role in my pregnancy and our preparation for birth. i so cherish the
community i found there. also, all photos were taken by our amazing
doula, brook.)

The story of Ethan’s birth begins the Friday before he was born.

We had gone to the birth center for our 39 week appointment that morning. (it was the
end of the 39th
week, so it was really just a few days before my guess date). I had not
had any contractions or signs of early labor and really had a feeling
that I would have my baby later the next week at the earliest — a week
or so late. We spent the visit discussing what would happen if we came
back the next week still with no signs of labor. We discussed induction
options and whether or not I would make an appointment with my
chiropractor for later the next week to try to get things going (I was
planning on that). After the appointment, I was feeling a little
discouraged that nothing was happening. I dropped Jared off
at home and went to work as usual.

By the end of my day at work, I noticed a little bit of bleeding and I
was starting to feel a little crampy. I hurried up and finished my work
so I could leave early since I didn’t know what was going on. By the
time I got home, I told Jared something was definitely different. I had
no idea if it was the real thing or not, but something was happening.

That night the cramping continued and there were some waves of more
intense cramping. I later realized that these were contractions, but
since I hadn’t had any Braxton-Hicks or early contractions, and they
didn’t feel like I had expected, I didn’t realize for a while that
that’s what was happening. I remember feeling a little sad that night
that if things got more intense, I would have to miss prenatal yoga the
next morning. Going to Brook’s Saturday morning classes was such a ritual throughout my entire pregnancy and I didn’t want to miss having a “last class.”

I woke up Saturday morning and still felt pretty good, so I headed to
yoga. I knew it would be my last class and I savored every moment. At
the end of the class, Brook
(who was also our doula) sent her energy to me and one other mama who
was due in the next couple of days. Afterwards, she asked me how I was
doing and I told her that something was definitely going on and
described to her how I was feeling. She looked very excited and told me
to just call her whenever I was ready.

After yoga, I stopped at the farmer’s market because I wanted to get
some of the delicious Bayfield blueberries that we had been eating for a
few weeks. It’s a good thing I did that because those blueberries
turned out to be just about all ate once we got to the birth center
later on. (We keep joking that all I ate during Ethan’s birth was nine
blueberries!)

When I got home, Jared called the Birth Center and talked to the
midwife on call, Mary-Signe. She said it definitely sounded like early
labor, but she wasn’t sure if it was the real thing or not. She
suggested going on a walk. So we went to the dog park. I was so happy to
be there, even though I was having contractions the whole time. It is a
special place for us and it felt fitting to be there at this time. It
was a beautiful day.

My contractions continued the rest of the day and by dinnertime I
decided we should start timing them. I think they were about eight
minutes apart at that time. After dinner, we watched a movie in bed. I
was woken up all night long by contractions but I tried to sleep through
them as much as possible.

By Sunday morning, we knew this was the real thing. Jared called
Mary-Signe again and she agreed. I took a bath and tried to nap. We went
for a walk with our dog around the neighborhood. It was the Powderhorn
Art Fair so there were tons of people in the park and around the
neighborhood. It was crazy. We totally made a scene on the walk since I
kept having to stop and lean on Jared during contractions.

While I was resting upstairs in the afternoon, I remember Jared was
really busy downstairs cleaning up the kitchen and taking care of the
dog. We went for a second walk later in the afternoon.
Jared kept in touch with Mary-Signe and Brook. Mary-Signe was
concerned that I wasn’t getting enough rest and she said I should take
some Benadryl to help me sleep. I took the Benadryl around 7 p.m. and
was able to get about an hour and a half of sleep. After that, I wanted
Brook to come, so Jared called her and I got in the shower. I had just
gotten out when she arrived at around 11 p.m.
I think we spent most of the time she was at our house lying on the
bed. I remember one moment lying there and Brook pointed out that she
could see the baby kicking through my skin. I could feel him moving the
whole time. I threw up in the bedroom.

Around 2 a.m. Monday morning we started talking about going to the
Birth Center. Jared called and Mary-Signe said we should come in about
45 minutes. That felt like forever to me. It had started pouring by that
point. I threw up again while Brook and I were getting ready to go. We
put some couch cushions in the car for me to ride in the back on my
hands and knees. The five minute drive to the Birth Center felt like an
hour.

We pulled up and Mary-Signe met us in the parking lot and brought us
inside. I wanted so badly to get in the tub, but we all knew things had
slowed down and I was afraid she would tell me not to. She said it was
okay so I threw off my clothes and got in. After about an hour in the
tub, Lindsay, the student midwife, checked my dilation. We had never
decided if I wanted to know the number or not so once she checked, she
asked if I wanted to know and I said I didn’t know. She said it was good
news so I said okay — I was at 7cm!

After that, I stayed in the tub for a long time, maybe four or five
hours. At some point, the midwives’ shift changed and Mary-Signe left
and Tanya came in. Lindsay stayed. After a while, Lindsay checked my
dilation again and didn’t immediately tell me what it was. I was waiting
for her to tell me something and finally she said that there hadn’t
been much progress. I later found out that there had been no progress. I
am so glad she didn’t tell me that at the time! At that point, they got
me out of the tub, which I didn’t want to do but I knew I had to.

I don’t really remember the order of what happened after that but I
was on the bed, on the toilet, in the shower with Jared, on a peanut
ball in the shower, doing squats in the shower, even doing an inversion
off the couch. (Clearly, all that prenatal yoga had been extremely
important in preparing me for my labor). I threw up in the bathroom on
the floor. I guess I was able to rest on the bed for about half an hour,
though I don’t remember this at all.

All this time, I was definitely getting the sense that there was a
chance they would have to send us across the street to the hospital if
things didn’t pick up. I really didn’t want that to happen so I tried to
stay focused and I followed their coaching and suggestions, even if I
thought I couldn’t do it because I was so tired. Since there hadn’t been
any progress, the midwives suggested that they break my water. They
said things would get really intense once that happened and they left us
alone to decide. I was scared for things to get more intense, but I
knew that was going to happen no matter what and Brook recommended that I
do it. So I did. I laid on the bed and Lindsay and Tanya broke my
water. And things got more intense.

Despite the new level of intensity, things hadn’t picked up enough
and they started talking about acupuncture. At that point, they sent
Jared and me into the bathroom to try nipple stimulation. Apparently
that worked and the acupuncture wasn’t necessary. I started to feel the
urge to push, so I did, but I also kind of forced myself to push even
though my body wasn’t always telling me to.
I just wanted the baby out. I wanted help. I said that. And I said that I couldn’t do it.

Everyone was so encouraging and kept telling me that I could do it.
Towards the end of my pregnancy, Jared and I had talked about what
phrases and words he might say to me during labor. None of the suggested
Hypnobirthing phrases that we had learned in our class felt natural to
us and I didn’t have any words I felt strongly about. I kept telling
Jared that he would know what to say when the time came, but he wasn’t
sure. Brook had even told him that he could say the same phrase to me
over and over again and I wouldn’t care. Once I was actually in labor,
he said “nice and easy” to me probably four hundred times. And it was
perfect. It helped me stay relaxed and feel comforted throughout my
entire labor.

I got back in the tub to push and Jared got in the tub with me. It
was where I wanted to be, but I just couldn’t get comfortable. There
wasn’t enough room for both of us and I was having excruciating pain in
my hips every time I pushed. So I got out and got on the bed. I pushed
on the bed for a while.
I remember the delivery nurse, Suzanne, showed up around this point
and I knew that was a good sign. It meant we were getting close. Then
they had me get onto a birthing stool. I really didn’t want to do this,
but again, I knew I had to, so I just did it.

While I was on the stool, Jared was doing the nipple stimulation
again. I made a lot of progress on the stool, but it wasn’t comfortable
and I wanted to get back on the bed. I was holding my legs up and
pushing as hard as I could. Even though I had been pretty open minded
about how I might give birth, lying on the bed on my back was not a
position I had ever envisioned, but it’s where it was working, so I went
with it.

While I was pushing, Tanya would firmly tell me when I was doing it
right and that I needed to keep doing it that way. I would listen to
what she was saying, and look at Lindsay and Suzanne who were smiling
big smiles and giving me thumbs up when I would do a good push. Brook
was on my right side and Jared was on the bed to my left. Once the baby
was crowning, they held up a mirror so I could see his head coming out. I
never thought that I would want to see that, but I did. It was so
motivating.

It took about two and a half hours, but finally his head came out.
After his head was out, I remember feeling something crazy and they said
it was the baby twisting so his shoulders could come out. I pushed a
few more times and the rest of his body came out and they put him on my
chest right away. He was screaming and screaming and screaming. I
couldn’t believe we had done it, that it was all over, finally.

They suctioned his nose and mouth and he finally stopped screaming. I
didn’t remember to look right away, but they asked me and I said it was
a boy. A boy! We just held him and held each other. I couldn’t believe it.

Thinking back on those days, I still can’t believe that I did it. I
can’t imagine anything in my life that could make me feel as strong as
giving birth to my baby.

9 comments:

Yep, I cried while I read this. I had a hospital birth with Maya and at eight centimeters for too long, I was considered "failure to progress" and had a c-section (after 42 hours of active labor). I'm so glad your story had a different outcome. I wrote a lot about this journey in the book I have coming out soon, and recognize the importance of both celebrating the journey and mourning the things that didn't go as planned. The important part is the important part, but the process needs to be, you know, processed. It's rough work having one of those baby-things! And yours is oh-so-very-handsome with some amazing parents!

Pushing out a baby is the hardest thing ever, right!!!!!????? You did an amazing job and got through the whole experience and here you are (where it seemed like we'd never get to) on the other side of mamahood. Some days things are so hard for me but I just smile and say to myself, well, I'm not in labor at least.

You did it! Such a great story, thank you for writing it out and sharing it with us. xo Brooke

Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed that so much, how lovely. There truly is nothing more empowering and beautiful as birthing your child. Giving birth to Annabelle has given me an undeniable strength and gratitude that I will always carry with me.

Aww, thanks for sharing your beautiful birth story, sweet friend. You did it! Reading your words brought tears to my eyes and took me right back to my own experiences laboring and giving birth. Our bodies are magic! Yay for you three! So glad you have each other.