What in the world, Katherine?

My wife and I are blessed to have three wonderful grandchildren and from time to time, they visit us on the farm. One of their favorite activities is taking walks in the woods and playing in the river. When she was 3 years old, my granddaughter, Katherine, made such a visit. Because it was winter, it was much to cold to play in the river, but we did take several long walks in the woods, looking for arrowheads, chasing squirrels, startling deer, and flushing pheasants and quail. Katherine remembered an old coyote den from a previous visit but when we went calling, no one was home.

One of the most fascinating things for Katherine on that trip was a newly constructed beaver dam. In our back pasture, there is a small channel of the South Platte River that flows year round making it an ideal habitat for ducks and geese and apparently for a plethora of eager beavers. Well over 100 cottonwood trees have been felled and Katherine was quite inquisitive about why so many trees had been knocked over.

We examined the base of one toppled tree and Katherine scooped up a handful of the wood chips which ringed the base of the fallen tree. Letting them filter through her fingers to the ground, she looked at the tree stump in amazement, and said aloud, “What in the Hell, Grandpa?”

Needless to say, I was a bit startled; because of course, no one expects a 3-year old to use such language. Katherine didn’t seem to realize that she’d said anything questionable, and while I tried to stifle a laugh, I echoed back to her, “Yes Katherine, what in the world happened here.”

Sometime later I had a conversation with her mother and father (a physician and stand-up comic) and mentioned the episode as a way of reminding them that children mimic the behavior they see. They were a bit chagrined and agreed to be more cognizant of the language they used around her.

I tell this amusing anecdote frequently in the parenting classes that I teach and it never fails to generate a good laugh. Most parents have similar stories, and will ruefully acknowledging the reality that “little pitchers have big ears.”

It isn’t just language, though. In truth, our children will pretty much grow up and become “who they see us being.” Although our words have some importance, the manner in which we choose to live our lives, dictates, to a large extent, how our children will live their lives.

Think for a moment about what your family values. Most of would probably include “truthfulness.” We want our children to be honest and we probably have even said things like, “you won’t be in near as much trouble if you just tell us the truth.” Good advice, but it will ring completely hollow if the parent isn’t modeling truthfulness.

Many parents frequently lament that their “children don’t show them proper respect.” A rule of thumb for us to think about is this: when our children are teenagers, they will pretty much show us the same respect we showed for them when they were two and three. If we were impatient, demanding, threatening, and ill-tempered with our children when they were small, there is a significant chance that we will reap what we have sown when our children hit their teenage years.

Respect can’t be demanded; it can only be modeled. Substance abuse, depression and violence are forged in the crucible of non-nurturing, disrespectful, parent-child relationships. Conversely, these issues are found infrequently in homes where everyone is afforded basic respect.

Whether it is truthfulness, respect, a good work ethic, treating others well, or a myriad of other “values,” it is important to be mindful of the old saying, “Monkey see, monkey do.” If we’re going to “talk the talk,” we’d better “walk the walk.” What in the Hell, indeed!

Tom Westfall of Sterling is a retiree who has written a column in the Yuma Pioneer for seven years. Colorado Voices is an annual competition among writers vying for the opportunity to publish columns of regional interest in The Denver Post.

Thanks for the important reminder. Even though my child is grown–and doesn’t have offspring yet!–your words resonate with me to be mindful of living my values within the community. For example, we wouldn’t have such toxic bitter talk in the halls of congress if we exercised more thoughtful, kind, and understanding talk in the coffee shop.

Vincent Carroll is The Denver Post's editorial page editor. He has been writing commentary on politics and public policy in Colorado since 1982 and was originally with the Rocky Mountain News, where he was also editor of the editorial pages until that newspaper gave up the ghost in 2009.

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