Ripping the piss since 1888

Policing a major city like London can be a stressful and often hazardous business, particularly in the current fraught political climate.

Only last weekend, myself and a number of colleagues were ordered to give urgent assistance to a handful of officers who were struggling to control an unruly mob of anti-Donald Trump demonstrators in Trafalgar Square.

As soon as we arrived, I could see that things had turned very nasty; with a number of officers being carried from the scene on stretchers with gaping head wounds and other serious injuries.

Fortunately, I had a half bottle of Tequilla in my tunic pocket and I managed to slip down a side alley and drink until I fell down in a pool of my own piss and sick.

Evening all

PC Ted is the local liaison officer for Whitechapel Neighbourhood Skinful

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The Whitechapel Whelk

We are a small, but perfectly formed band of satirists and smudge artists. We neither drink nor smoke. Nor indeed, do we use profanity or indulge in the sinful pleasures of the flesh. Now if you'll excuse me I need to get down the pub before closing time for a few pints and half an ounce of Golden Virginia. Hopefully, I'll have enough cash left to visit the local rub 'n' tug shop later for a massage and a rattling good bunk up with a painted floozie.
All The Best.
Danny SoZ.
Editor-in-chief