BLG: through a spider’s web

Some days the gratitude is harder to express. It doesn’t seem like there’s anything extraordinary in the work, in sitting at the desk, under the fluorescent lights. It doesn’t seem miraculous to be sitting in traffic, or driving that same route again. It doesn’t seem so, when just having a job and an office and a car and a home to go to are all enormous miracles in themselves.

Despite my best intentions, I’ve felt a cloud settling around me, slowly descending since lunch time. I can see it, and I can see it for what it is, frustration, sadness and self-pity. I try to crochet or sew or do something with my hands to shake it, but it’s still there, making my movements slow and my efforts unsatisfying. Actually it’s like a spider web. It’s like the web of Shelob from the Two Towers, everywhere and enveloping.

But I keep moving forward, even if the movements are hardly perceptible.

73. I make bircher muesli for tomorrow morning, because tomorrow will be better and I will feel like eating and I will enjoy every cold, fresh, sweet bite and anticipation is a wonderful thing74. I sew the straps onto a bag even though I don’t feel like it, because the colours do please me and when next I sit down at my sewing table I will decide I like it75. I watch Parks and Recreation because Leslie Knope’s unbridled optimism and goofiness make me smile

So there. I didn’t have to look that hard. There are lots of things to be grateful for.

76. the satisfaction of finishing a draft of SU News and being proud of it77. having Netflix (I love Netflix) and being able to binge watch favourite TV shows78. Dr Seuss’s Oh the places you’ll go and Kellie for sharing her love ofit with me

79. remembering I’m going to be in Singapore next week, and how I love to travel80. knowing that God is patient and he sees my struggles and flailings and loves me through it all