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Look for the Golden Mean

Living life on your own terms is important, but at times you need to bend the rules for greater happiness.

As I grow older I realize the futility of doing anything I do not really want to do. It leaves me with a bad taste and a sense of wasted time, energy and a precious bit of life. Life barely gives us enough time to do all that satisfies and pleases us. How then will we meet our life goals if we go around on idle chases?

One just has to learn to say ‘No’. ‘No’ to wasteful moments, ‘no’ to what your very being revolts against. ‘No’ to anything that distracts you from your primary pursuits or questions your ethics.

However sometimes you cannot say ‘No’ to people precious to you. We are forced to go along with some things that may not meet our desires or beliefs. And quite often we may be required to make compromises for the happiness of our loved ones. What do we do then? We try and establish a Golden Mean. When it concerns those we love, sensible people try and patch and maintain rather than fight, oppose or even break off. And evolved souls even learn to be happy about the compromise, despite their own differing beliefs.

One important way to cruise along smoothly in life is to understand when to stand firm and when to bow and give in. Moral virtue as defined by Aristotle, is a disposition to behave in the right, middle manner without falling prey to extremes. Sometimes you need to lay down arms and go along with what makes your loved ones happy, falling in line with their beliefs. And once you opt to go along, you have the choice of doing so under obvious duress — or happily. With the former you risk antagonising or embarrassing them. But if you can skirt around your own ego and make some smart adjustments, you have opened up a completely new path for all.

Recently a friend’s son and his girlfriend decided to move in together. Though very happy for them, my friend was unsure how to respond to the moving-in bit and the fact that they didn’t believe in marriage. She worried about the future and also about what others would think. As a parent of an old enough son, she didn’t think it proper to interfere, and yet she had to deal with her own emotions and those of her old parents. Finally, it was her mother who came up with a decision that made them all happy.

“They may not marry – that is their decision,” said the evolved lady. “But I will nevertheless want them to be blessed by God and to exchange rings. I insist on a prayer ceremony at home.” And so she organised a ‘Blessing’ ceremony for the immediate family. And with this one smart decision, the atmosphere in the household changed and my friend’s doubts disappeared. All at once it became a proper shaadi ka ghar with the same excitement and joy.

So what if the marriage mantras were not read, formal wedding vows not exchanged? The boy and girl loved each other enough to want to spend a lifetime together. Vows were exchanged in their hearts and minds while family blessed them amidst chanting of prayers. What could be better? And now my friend says excitedly, “I have a daughter finally; I am so lucky!”

Just one smart decision and some adjustment can make all the difference. Look for that golden mean towards a golden compromise that keeps all happy.

DISCLAIMER : Views expressed above are the author's own.

Author

Vinita Dawra Nangia is an Associate Editor with The Times of India. The blog O-zone reflects her incisive insights into life, relationships and contemporary living, offering a fresh, sharper and more evolved look at yourself and the world you dwell in. The blog puts forth practical, feel-good ways of dealing with contemporary chaos and the myriad internal struggles we deal with each day. O-zone runs as a weekly column in The Times of India’s Sunday supplement, Times Life. Vinita is also Festival Director of the Times Literature Festival and Director/Founder of Write India, the world’s largest crowd-sourced story contest.

Vinita Dawra Nangia is an Associate Editor with The Times of India. The blog O-zone reflects her incisive insights into life, relationships and contemporary. . .

Author

Vinita Dawra Nangia is an Associate Editor with The Times of India. The blog O-zone reflects her incisive insights into life, relationships and contemporary living, offering a fresh, sharper and more evolved look at yourself and the world you dwell in. The blog puts forth practical, feel-good ways of dealing with contemporary chaos and the myriad internal struggles we deal with each day. O-zone runs as a weekly column in The Times of India’s Sunday supplement, Times Life. Vinita is also Festival Director of the Times Literature Festival and Director/Founder of Write India, the world’s largest crowd-sourced story contest.

Vinita Dawra Nangia is an Associate Editor with The Times of India. The blog O-zone reflects her incisive insights into life, relationships and contemporary. . .