Fruit Tart – The Lazy Version

Buzzfeed recently came out with a video of the different types of hangry people and I’m feeling a bit sheepish (or maybe secretly proud) that I fell under 4/6 categories: Caveman, Gollum, the broadcaster, and the impatient. I’m a monster. It’s when I start to get quiet is when the change happens: the images of fluffy puppies, cupcakes, and lush green canyons disappear and the dark clouds of misery and doom overtake everything. An unfortunate friend may be chitchatting about the latest canyon, a new dating prospect, complaining…but all I am thinking about is how I want to eat a big bloody steak…in silence. Fortunately my friends handle my hungriness by sacrificing candy, pizza, meat, boba tea, fries, anything, just anything to ease the hangry Tiffanie back to a more tolerable state.

This week I came home to the usual empty fridge but I hadn’t eaten in 2 hours and I could feel the “why does my life suck?” whispers lurking in the corner. Perhaps I should have entertained the drive-through but nobody was going to be around to deal with my dour mood so I decided to make something amazing to appease the hangry gods. One hour later, after crushing the graham crackers to death and beating the cream cheese to oblivion, I spitefully piled the stupid berries on the tart, brushed a little too much grand marnier-apricot preserves on the fruit, and did not wait for the tart to set. I located the first spoon in sight and didn’t even make it to a table and chair before half the tart was gone.

The rose-colored glasses instantly came back and I professed my love for the tart (and food, in general) aloud and chuckled at the ravaged state of the fruit tart. Better it than a poor bystander.

I’m sorry for how I am when I’m hangry….but I wasn’t born to be hungry or even think about the remote possibility.

This is a fruit tart that comes together in a hurry and doesn’t require the fuss of making pastry cream. It’s my lazy tart. I prefer to randomly pile the berries on the tart for a more rustic look, but how you arrange it is up to you…and I’m only saying that because I’m not hangry right now.

Preheat oven to 325°. If you’re using whole graham crackers, finely crush them in a food processor or place them in a ziploc bag and roll with a rolling pin.

Stir graham cracker crumbs, brown sugar, cinnamon, and salt together in a large bowl. Add melted butter and stir with a fork.

Press mixture into the bottom and up the sides of a 9” pie plate. Press hard to compact. You can use a glass to press the bottom, but use your fingers to press the sides. Bake crust for 10 minutes, until it just starts to brown. Cool completely before filling.

While the crust is cooling, prepare the cream cheese filling (this can also be made ahead of time)
Beat the cream cheese in a stand mixer until whipped. Add brown sugar and vanilla extract. Continue beating until dip is well mixed.

If the crust has not completely cooled, place the cream cheese filling in the fridge.

Meanwhile, prepare the whiskey-apricot preserves.

Heat the apricot jam and water (if using) in a small saucepan over medium heat until liquid (melted). Remove from heat and strain the jam through a fine strainer to remove any fruit lumps. (If using, add the liqueur at this point.) Let cool until it is only slightly warm and then glaze the fruit or tart crust, using a pastry brush. Note: only lightly coat the fruit or tart shell with the glaze so that it does not look jelly-like when dry.