Send me email updates about messages I've received on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.
By signing up, you certify that you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.

Poll

Question: career or family?

.... About having a good education, in spite of my background. I am the first to brag about defying "traditional roles" and being the breadwinner in my family...

I have always made more money than my significant other - we aren't married. He has a 12 year old daughter from a previous marriage, and we have a 1.5 year old son together. We have been together for almost 4 years,

I recently lost my job. I am crazy anxious - cleaning things that don't need cleaned, etc., just to try to find something to fill the 14 hour void that usually would have been my work week. I am enjoying time with my son, but I have found that battling depression and being with him is worse than working 50-60 hours a week and being tired around him,

My SO makes enough money to support both of us, and I am looking for other employment, but I am very unhappy and don't know what to do - my only job offer so far offers me a huge pay increase with a huge company - a company I always dreamed I could work for someday, but it is 3 hours away. I feel like I have to choose between keeping my family together and my career and it's so unfair. I have been unemployed for 6 days and I am already 100 percent convinced that I could never be the SAHM type. I love my SO, and he is a terrific father, but we are not married, and I really don't know what to do,,.

I have really bad anxiety problems and we live in a suburban area. There are career opportunities in my field around here, but it is difficult for me to have hope that one will materialize.

Unfortunately, I mean move without... He has a very good career here locally and isn't open to moving away. He is also not open to staying together and me keeping an apartment in the new location until we could relocate there together. I'm not saying he is wrong for that, consisting I'm trying to figure out if I am open to turning this job down and waiting for something to open up locally. Before I lost my job, I made enough to support us both. He currently makes enough to support us both. He lost his job two weeks before I delivered our son and didn't leave, and I never once thought of leaving him, but being on the other side of the situation is hard for me, I'm finding.

Quoting AnGLInterrupted:

When you say "take the current job offer and move" do you mean move with your SO or away from your SO?

Then you need to decide what's more important. THIS job, or your relationship/family unit. Personally, I would hold out for a job closer to home, but that's just me.

Can you stomach the idea of this being the end of the relationship? Can you be okay with not having him in your life the way that he is now?

You've only been unemployed for a week. Being home all of the time and adjusting to being a (temporary) SAHM isn't easy. You're going through a lot of adjustments and emotions right now. I wouldn't take a job that could break up my family just for the sake of getting back into the swing of things, even if it is my dream job. You're a mom and have a 4 year relationship right now. There are other people to think of besides you (I'm not trying to sound rude, I apologize if it comes off that way).

I don't feel like I have enough information to advise you one way or another. For example, it would depend on a lot of things, like how healthy and happy your relationship with your significant other is and if you picture a happy future with him or not... and who knows what else..

If I were you.. I would sit down and write a pros and cons list for each of my options of every thing I can think of good and bad, big and small. Then look at those lists and see which one weighs most heavily on the pros and the least on the cons.

Without the sense of security I get from being married, I would take the job (especially if being home is not a job you want even on a temporary basis). Ultimately, only you know where your priorities lie and will have to make the best decision for your family and career.

You don't sound rude at all. It actually makes me feel like I'm being really irrational, after reading what you said lol. He and I are going to talk about things again. We will see how it goes this time around. In the meantime, I'm sending my resume out to local places.

Quoting AnGLInterrupted:

Then you need to decide what's more important. THIS job, or your relationship/family unit. Personally, I would hold out for a job closer to home, but that's just me.

Can you stomach the idea of this being the end of the relationship? Can you be okay with not having him in your life the way that he is now?

You've only been unemployed for a week. Being home all of the time and adjusting to being a (temporary) SAHM isn't easy. You're going through a lot of adjustments and emotions right now. I wouldn't take a job that could break up my family just for the sake of getting back into the swing of things, even if it is my dream job. You're a mom and have a 4 year relationship right now. There are other people to think of besides you (I'm not trying to sound rude, I apologize if it comes off that way).

Send me email updates about messages I've received on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.
By signing up, you certify that you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.