The new issue of Blue Water Comic’s Infamous (previously featuring Charlie Sheen) focuses on eternal fuck-up Lindsay Lohan. Few celebrities have been talked about, photographed or scrutinized as much as Lilo, and because of this, most of the comic book won’t be a surprise to most of us. It features Lohan shoplifting, wearing an alcohol detection bracelet, attempting to connect with old coke buddies and lying in a prison cell. Despite the tastelessness, publisher Midtown Comics explains that the book is meant to “teach a lesson about the ills of excessive drinking and drug use.”

But if we had it our way, this is how it would go down for Little Miss Lindsay:

Sometimes stooping down to Disney’s level is the best option you’ve got…