Stan, Kyle, and Cartman: Trick or... (they scream as they see Chef hold up two chainsaws in front of them)Chef: Get off my property, you brain-eating zombie bastards!Stan, Kyle, and Cartman: Chef! It's us!Chef: Oh! Sorry, children; I thought you were one of them!Cartman: Can we have some candy now?Chef: (referring to Cartman's "ghost" costume) Damn it, boy! Why are you dressed up like that?!Cartman: I'm trying to trick-or-treat, goddammit!Chef: Remind me to whoop your ass the next time I see you. Now get inside before the zombies get you. [

Principal Victoria: Good morning there, children. I love the Elvis costume, Chef.Chef: Elvis? I'm Evel Knievel! Why the hell would I dress up like Elvis??Principal Victoria: Well, why the hell would you dress up like Evel Knievel?

Stan: I learned something today. Halloween isn't about costumes or candy. It's about being good to one another and giving and loving.Kyle: No dude, that's Christmas.Stan: Oh. Well then what's Halloween about?kyle: Costumes and candy.Stan: Oh yeah.

Randy: How does it feel to be a hundred and two, Paps?Grandpa: Shoot me!Sharon: Make a wish, Grandpa...Grandpa: I wish I were dead!Randy: That's our silly Grandpa!Grandpa: I'm not kidding, God Dammit! I really want to die!

Randy Marsh: I think I'm getting that stomach flu you gave me.Mr. Garrison: It's that little Kenny bastard that gave it to me.(the mayor exits the porta-potty)Randy: Hey, mayor. Were you making gravy in there?Mayor: I just gave birth to a brown baby boy.

Grandpa: What about you? You can kill me, can't you?Cartman: I would never kill somebody... Not unless they pissed me off.Grandpa: Oh, is that a fact?? Well, let me tell you something, porky! Your mom was over here earlier today, and I humped her like a little bitch!Cartman: What?!Grandpa: That's right!Stan: Grandpa!Grandpa: And then, I dug up your great-grandma's skeleton and had my way with her, too!Cartman: (angered) Eh...Grandpa: Choice piece of ass your great-grandma was...Cartman: YOU PIECE OF CRAP; I'LL KILL YOU!!!Grandpa: That's the spirit, tubby!Stan: (pulling Cartman away) C'mon, Cartman. He's just trying to get to you.Cartman: (getting dragged away) Don't you EVER talk about my mom like that again!Grandpa: Did I ever tell you about the time I boffed your dad, fatso??

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Kyle: Dude, I have to save Ike! I don't even know what to do!Stan: Well, we can't do anything now; that fat bitch won't let us!Ms. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?Stan: I said that rabbits eat lettuce.Ms. Crabtree: Oh. Well, yes, they certainly do...