8/10/2010

No, Fuck You, Robert Gibbs:You gotta bet that White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs was so goddamned pleased with himself when, in an interview with The Hill, he got his nasty on about "the professional left." See how brave he is? Attacking the people from whom the President is supposed to have spawned? Yeah, you know that Gibbs got a little boner when he spat, "They will be satisfied when we have Canadian health care and we’ve eliminated the Pentagon. That’s not reality." "Oh," he must have thought, "how Rahm will scratch me behind my ears and laugh as I lick my balls." Such praise is rare these days. (Speaking as a relatively semi-pro leftist, Canadian health care? Sure. Eliminate the Pentagon? Not so much. Cut the Pentagon maybe to a square or a triangle? Sure.)

So, let's get this straight, Bobby G. We on the left warned your boss and the Democrats that every time you reached out your hands to the Republicans, those fuckers would just gnaw on 'em. But you kept on with the effort of bipartisanship, watering down bills and watering 'em down. Anyone with a lick of sense knew that the GOP was just setting you up: force 'em to compromise and then make sure that what gets passed does just a scintilla of what could have been done. On bill after bill these mad negotiations occurred, and now you're accusing us of not living in reality? No, really, truly, fuck you, man.

Gibbs also said, "I hear these people saying he’s like George Bush. Those people ought to be drug tested. I mean, it's crazy." You really wanna have this fight? 'Cause when's the last time you called the Tea Party delusional or "crazy." And here's a hint on how to prevent liberals from saying Barack Obama is like George W. Bush: stop acting like Bush. Howzabout an easy one: don't take the same cruel positions as the Bush administration in court cases that continued after Bush was out of office. Howzabout another easy one: do something without compromising, like order a halt to any effort to drum gay soldiers out of the military. Howzabout closing Gitmo, like the President promised endlessly on the campaign trail? Howzabout not saying you have the right to murder Americans abroad at will? Howzabout recess appointing everyone the Republicans are holding up? An aggressive stance towards the GOP ain't just about words, man. Words are worthless. It's action that matters

We on the left who paid attention didn't expect Barack Obama to be our big liberal buddy Christ. We did, however, take him at his word on a number of issues, like transparency, for instance. Instead, we're supposed to be grateful that bills with the names of items on the left-wing agenda got passed. Look at this big-ass new law. It says, "Health care." Ain't that cool?

Finally, fuck you, Mr. Press Secretariat, because you should be wooing the fuck out of us. You should be trying to get in our underwear and hand job us with a smile on your face instead of treating us like a convenient punching bag because you don't want to offend the precious "real America" or whatever bullshit phrase politicians want to use to isolate and alienate us. Why? Because we're the ones that made sure you are the Press Secretary.

Gibbs said, "They wouldn’t be satisfied if Dennis Kucinich was president." Do you really wanna go down that road, Bobby G?