Tori Spelling’s Husband Might’ve Made A Baby With The Chick He Banged

Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to impregnate women not our wives. That crazy Dean McDermott just can’t quit making babies. His last wife, his current wife, random Canadian chicks in hotel rooms who can’t find real celebrities to make them feel empty and used. A source close to the aptly named Emily Goodhand who Dean banged in a Toronto hotel room in between Celebrity Chopped promos confirms the worst nightmare and/or dreams of the tawdry participants:

“Dean and Emily had sex several times over the weekend of Dec. 6. She isn’t on birth control — and they had sex without a condom.”

I don’t know who this close sources is who knows about the prophylactic situation in the bedroom, but I’m going to guess it’s either the dignified Ms. Goodhand herself, or somebody who’s going to be asking for money on her behalf shortly. If only they knew that the reason Emily might be pregnant is because Dean was too broke to afford a vasectomy he was scheduled for this past October, they might’ve targeted a different D-lister. Naturally, Dean will want to keep the baby, as he’s one of those twisted dudes who believe it’s his destiny to make as many babies in his image as possible. Like a Dywane Wade without the money or talent or hot model looking woman to take him back after he spreads his seed around town.

Somebody needs to put a stop to these vulgar shenanigans before a kid is actually born who has to hear this origin story. Nuking Toronto seems like a reasonable first move.