Best Cheap Limousine Ride

Radisson Hotel

Want to take a pimp-ass ride in a white limo for the mere price of a dingy cab? Well, folks, believe it or not, you can, thanks to your friendly neighborhood Clayton Radisson Hotel. Perhaps because of its tony Claytonian sense of exclusivity, the hotel chain doesn't offer a similar service at its downtown property, unfortunately. But here's how the St. Louisan can work this offer to his or her advantage without forking over $180 for a room: (1) dress in a cheesy Hawaiian-print golf shirt -- your partner should don an equally convincing Izod, golf skirt and visor -- so you look like a traveler; (2) enter hotel through side entrance and immediately ascend stairs or elevator; (3) spend, oh, five or ten minutes shooting craps on the carpet on the sixth floor -- note a room number -- before (3) descending to the lobby on the aforementioned elevator. This'll make you look like bona fide "we know what the hell we're doing" Clayton Radisson guests, at which point you roll up to the front desk and request a taxi to take you into town, so as not to let on that you know the limo rides are on the cheap. If they ask for your room number, say 612. Next thing you know, voilà -- you're in the back of a stretch limo for as long as you want, sans massive dent in the wallet. Highly recommended is toting along some blow and whiskey so as to emulate Oasis on your decadent night out. Proper rock & roll, mate!