Pages

22 December, 2011

As my Facebook status reads, I'm sat in my best friend's living room quietly typing away in the half-light as she shifts in sleep on the other sofa. I can see the glow cast by hanging fairy lights from the hall, and the outlines of paper chains and tinsel, as well as the silhouette of the big Christmas tree behind me. This is what's finally getting me in the mood for a very Joyeux Noel!! I was worried because it's taken SO flipping long to feel excited about Christmas; we did all the various decorations on Saturday night, and even putting up the tree I felt devoid of all festivity. Furthermore, Sunday night was spent sat cross-legged (I swear, that's the only way I sit nowadays...even at school, I kick off my shoes and spend the entire hour cross-legged on my chair, legs tucked under the desk...) on my bedroom floor, wrapping all my presents to people in the dim light of my fairy lights (I say wrapping...my wrapping is more sellotape than paper), then labeling them so that I wouldn't forget who they were for. Yesterday night, I was dancing in my pajamas to the Smiths whilst everyone else was fast asleep, then packing up all my stuff (including presents; there is nothing more exciting then seeing a bag or stockingful of wrapped objects, knowing that they're aaaaaall for you...) in a big Cornish backpack, ready for, first one of my best friends' party later on today (four hours in high heels yes, but I'll be sat down for most of it so), and then the ACE GANG CHRISTMAS. This, my readers, is a very clever method that myself and three others have so devised; we can't see each-other on Christmas day, obviously, so what we've done is organised a special 'Christmas' just for us. It starts with tonight, the 22nd, when we watch Christmas films, do any last-minute wrapping in pairs etc. and leave notes and sustenance for ole' St. Nick. Then, we sleep (at a suitable hour, to give him time to deliver our presents) and wake up tomorrow morning, the 23rd, and exchange presents. We've also organised a secret-Santa, but we're rubbish at keeping secrets so we all know each-other's >.<

Well, I doubt I'll have much time to do anything other than post at this time of year; I try to be organised, but there's always so much to do!! So, from me, to you, every single one of you, be you one-off readers or regular visitors, thank you so much for making my blog what it is; have a fantastic Christmas, every one of you, and thank you again.

Oh, and the title? Yeah, Bing Crosby's rendition of 'I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas', coupled with old, idyllic, black and white video, is the ONLY song I can dream of that gets me in any kind of mood for Christmas. Give it a listen!!

18 December, 2011

I know some of my titles have been pretty random recently ^^^^^ but this one kind of has a very basic meaning. At the moment, my life is pretty divided between being immensely good and enormously bad. So, I'll just pick up life from where I left off, blow off the dust and HUZAH! Hope it works again. Because, if you want life to work, you need to help it work. And that doesn't mean sit at home and hide away, listening to sad songs and doing mountains of pointless stuff to disctract yourself. That means walking forward, making new friends, loving everyone and everything, doing what makes you happy. The only way I'll ever be happy is if I 'train' my life to work alongside me. So, in reality, I think what I need to do is apologise...I've been a bit downhill for roughly three weeks now, and I'm not the one who's suffered from that- not as much as everyone else has. So, to everyone I've neglected/ignored/run away from in the last 21 days or so, don't take it personally. Everything in my life needs a bit of a spruce up, and I think a good ole' dose of Christmas cheer is precisely the cure. So, auf wiedersehen, until tomorrow, or the day after, or the day after that.

15 December, 2011

An hour and a half was happily spent today, sat on my friend's bed, discussing with him our favourite music, and gigs etc. Also, in the last two hours of my school day, my double Graphics lesson, I was sat with a group of people deep in conversation concerning, again, music. I found some songs that I've really fallen in love with recently, including;Video Games- Lana Del ReyKaleidoscope- Blink-182Cinema- Benni Benassi ft. Gary Go (Skrillex remix)This Love, This Hate- Hollywood UndeadAlpha Dog- Fall Out BoyCelui- Colonel Reyel21 Seconds- So Solid Crewand2 People- Jean Jacques Smoothie.

Just thought I'd update everyone. I wish I was musically talented, it'd be an awesome, awesome way to get a message out.

10 December, 2011

In some cases, yes, I agree with this statement. One reason is because I've done scarce amounts of homework this week, due to being ensconced in numerous conversations, discussions, arguements, general banter, etc. etc. Another key reason why Facebook could be considered a waste of time is because fundamentally, you are using your free time, (which in my case is also scarce and therefore precious) in an unproductive way. For example, how long does it take to post something on someone's Wall, to check and reply to, messages? How long does it take to check and reply to, notifications? To needlessly envelope yourself in the cyber-world of the wicked? Because, Facebook is the battlefield where morals stand as spectators, where the warriors are us, faceless, nameless and ultimately blameless. Recovery systems ain't what they used to be, get some clever hacking in place and no-one ever knows the things you've said. This leads me on to my final point, of the fact that Facebook is a breeding ground for the insecure and the hard-hearted to unleash their criticisms, their petty hatred, amongst the rest of us. To make us feel doubtful, and to contemplate our own natures and tendencies. Facebook makes you think, and confront your innermost demons, in a way that a face-to-face discussion never could. Well, not nowadays, anyway.

Notwithstanding the above, I also believe that Facebook is about the most productive way to spend your free time, and your not-so-free time, in some cases. My first reason for this statement being, that Facebook brings you closer. Two of my very best friendships to date started, blossomed and evolved on Facebook. Some relationships ended, but new ones began, spurred on by the comfort offered so readily, by those I did not deserve it from. Another reason, is that Facebook gives you confidence. For example, this time last year, I did not dare post a picture of myself online, partly due to the unfair comments, and partly due to the fact that I just had no self-assurance. But now? Every 'like' or nice comment posted on a photo, or my profile, fills me with an undoubtedly conceited glow, but furthermore, a bright, illuminating one. I feel as though I can do anything, with these people behind me. People who would support me, catch me if I fell. New friends, and old accquaintences alike, all of which mean something different, but equally important and special. And finally? Facebook helps me. It helps me to help others. It helped me to stop a girl from purging the food and nutrients her body so desperately needed. It helped me to get a boy to admit he had a problem, to share my own experiences, and give him help as he was too scared to ask for it in person. It helped me to spread a message, across the entire database, in just one day, that everyone is beautiful. It got me known, for helping people, for helping anyone and everyone. No judgement, no influence, no preaching. Just honest advice, and comfort where lonliness is rife.

To conclude, Facebook is about the best thing I could possibly own right now. Being a teenager, a lot goes on beneath the surface that everyone but your keyboard is unaware of. So, please don't take it away.

05 December, 2011

Seems these days, that there's a lot of discussion going round...about each-other. Now, I'm all for judging someone *really, it's the only easy to formulate a basic, honest friendship*, but it really is interesting what you learn about yourself if you listen to other people. No word of a lie, I've had someone approach me before and tell me a rumour about myself, asking for confirmation. Now, in this reckless, dog-eat-dog-world that we call our teenage years, denial = confirmation, and confirmation = trouble. So, there's really no way to win with this. I've been asked how many times I had sex with one of my guy friends, because we've been spending time together recently; I just shrug and say, '87', because I really don't have time for idle gossip. However, something even more annoying than a lie about yourself, twisted and folded until it resembles a paper hat of a lie, is the truth about yourself.

That sounded really dramatic, so I'll take a moment to say that I didn't mean it to come out like that. (story of my entire life!) so I'll explain; the opposite of a lie is the truth, right? But, the truth doesn't always work the same way. The opposite of truth, in my terms, in my context, in my social circles, is someone denying a lie. So, there's no way to win an argument; you're accused of something. You concur, they tell everyone. You deny, you're kicked out of your own social group because you've committed a crime more heinous than telling an outward lie. It's difficult to explain, but anyway; being told the 'truth' about yourself is even more irritating, not least because it shows that somebody has betrayed your trust, but because it's nearly always delivered by someone with a kickable face.

29 November, 2011

So yep. Just broke up with my boyfriend and you know what? To hell with pride and dignity, I'm hurting so I'll damn well write a post if I want to.

Twenty months. All it took was a few jumbled words to end all of that; I'd even planned what I was going to say. Something along the lines of, ''I'm trying the whole letting you go idea. If you come back to me, you're mine. If you don't, thanks for the best eighteen months of my life.'' (yep, the past two months have been a total write-off...I don't count them as a relationship...which, I suppose, is why it ended).

People have heard about it. News travels fast when you're needlessly panicking in the school Hub space :L and, I don't mind. Not really, I don't relish it but I understand why people want to know. We'd earned the reputation for being the strongest, longest-standing couple in school. And now? That's gone.

And I suppose, it's difficult to explain fully why. I've been asked by a lot of people what triggered it, why today in particular. I suppose the final trigger was last night, when we had the brief conversation about what we wanted. That was the weakest possible conversation two people could ever hold, and I guess something just died then. :L I think we both knew it was over, and had been for a while. I don't know why it was so difficult to let go. Even now, once it's over, I'll cry for no reason. Try and rid myself of the memories, of any trace that he ever existed. But, it's teenage drama, you know? I am only fifteen, not even a quarter of my life has been lived yet and I have so, so much to look forward to.

It's just hard right now. Thank you so much, to every single person who gave me a kind word or a hug today. I feel guilty being so upset, but I figure I can't help it, so.

And, thank you to the best friends possible any girl could wish for...Amber, the one who brings me her fit uncle's hoodie for me to wear, and buys me food that I love. Nina, the one who makes me laugh so hard, and forces me to look forward to all the lessons and plans we have together. And Millie, the girl who had let my horrible tears wash down her front for the past month, give or take; without you guys, I would not be okay.

26 November, 2011

Reading Tumblr obsessively, refusing to use it.Being lonely, and liking it.Pretty bracelets that say nasty things.Walking in high heels, falling over in Converse.Never re-reading what I've written.Not trying, scoring high.Running everwhere except in P.E.Exceptionally hyper when I'm tired.Feeling my most relaxed when I'm casually cycling at 300mph.Getting Twitter BEFORE Facebook.Loving photos I take myself. Hating ones taken by proffessionals.Being my most witty and talkative online.Dreaming about waking up.

21 November, 2011

Okay, so this isn't what a lot of you probably think this is about. This post is about a guy who goes by the name of 'D.D' (blog; http://dimitridr.blogspot.com/) and recently, he's become one of my closest friends. I've known him for about three years now, and I've spoken to him on and off, over MSN and such, because it was a random add a few years back that sparked it. But, since the beginning of Year Ten and, more particularly, CCF, I got to know D.D a lot better, and we've become really close in the past month or so; we've helped each-other through friend, family and relationship problems and as a result have become so much closer than I could ever have guessed. :) CCF is really what brought us together, and already we've got so many awesome memories! :) all of our mutual friends are also becoming closer to me, which I really love; this is expanding my friendship circle in the happiest possible way! I love how fast I've gotten to know D.D and I really appreciate him being there for me, through thick and thin, tears and tantrums, the good times and the bad. :) one last thing; anything he does in the future? Look out for those initials because, I'll tell you this, he'll be amazing. Whatever he does, D.D will be HUGE. :D

20 November, 2011

Overnight, ten people have liked my Facebook page and November has quickly become the highest-viewed month in the history of WoB...57 people viewed my most recent post within the first hour. Before I go on, I should say that it's not all about the pageviews, you're correct...however, it is about getting my message out there. Maybe not worldwide but certainly locally. And it makes me really happy to see that there are actually real people from around the world, from distant countries, reading my blog. Not just friends and family although, I think that's appreciated the most, so, thank you guys!Firstly, I'd like to promote the blogs of a few people who, I think, have either started to show how determined they are, or how much time, care, love and attention has been put into their blogs, their 'babies', I think a couple of them called it.Not everyone of these people has asked me to promo, I've done a discreet little blog tour; remember, this isn't just Blogspot, but WordPress and Tumblr too.

http://dimitridr.blogspot.com/ This guy recently started his blog and already his posts are fluid and emotional, making for a really interesting time reading.http://apheliotropic.blogspot.com/ Although she doesn't post on it much, this girl has posted some really amazing stuff here in the past, I love her themes.

http://stonedonabridge.blogspot.com/ Still a regular poster, this girl is something to look out for- posts that are funny, in-depth and true to life are the main theme of this blog.

http://pensandpretentions.blogspot.com/ Again, not quite as regular, this girl has an extraordinary grasp of the English language, and can happily create poetic masterpieces in little under ten minutes.

http://www.thepropertyspeculator.co.uk/ My Daddy's website, this blog has been the most polished, proffessional thing about the web that I've seen in quite a long time...enough to give anyone an interest in planning permission and the Fundamentals of Property Speculation and suchwith.

http://www.fashion-bake.com/ This is absolutely beautiful. Every single post is sent with care and attention to detail, it's like reading someone's beautiful mind!

http://stupidteenagedreams.tumblr.com/ I know that this girl has been through an awful lot for someone so young, and so I thank her for letting me spread the word; I've just spent half an hour looking at everything reblogged and written, and I'm in love with it!

http://jadeharmse.tumblr.com/ This blog is one of the funniest, most engaging things I've ever read; happily bookmarked so that I can read it over and over!

http://mollynobbs.tumblr.com/ And a third time! A blog that truly shows off the author's skills at piecing together funny quotes, inspiring pictures and heartwarming posts to make something amazing, almost poetic. :)

http://www.boardskater.wordpress.com/ My brother's third attempt at a blog, this one is surely a winner...truly, an insight to a agrumpy teenager's mind!

This post took so long to write because I spent at least fifteen minutes on every single blog I promoted; all of them truly are amazing, individual and written with such emotion that it's impossible not to get drawn in. Thank you, everyone who still reads mine, and visits these ones.

19 November, 2011

Okay. I didn't ask you to read this (For once) for the pageviews, I genuinely have something to say.

You see, the thing is, recently someone that I know has been on a steady downhill slope...for a couple of years now, a beautiful girl that I know through one of my best friends has been anorexic. This doesn't mean she's stupid, or conceited, it means that a stunning girl has been inflicted, most unfortunaely, with thinking that she isn't good enough. Pretty enough, clever enough, thin enough. So, she wanted to take control. And, that control comes through the only way she knows how; controlling her body. A steady line of scars and a thin layer of skin covering her bones is what she has to show for control. I'm not religious, but any higher power, please intervene.

She's getting better. Speaking. Menial conversations that occur millions of times a day, in hundreds of languages, all over the world, are being exchanged. They mean the world to my best friend; she told me about a recent conversation they'd had and there were tears in her eyes, she was so happy. And I was happy for both of them, it was the best thing I'd heard all week. Funny how much and how fast your perception changes according to the context, right?

I don't know her very well, and I wish, I wish I did because that's all people want; to make other people happy. And, it's not about anyone but her. I'm in love with this girl, and her beauty broke my heart, because everyone but her could see it. I hope, with all my heart, that this stunning, amazing, lovely girl gets better because that's by far everything she deserves; to live a happy, healthy, awesome life. My heart goes out to anyone else out there who feels the same or knows someone who's going through the same thing; I just want everyone to know that (screw the cliches) you're all, breathtakingly, heartbreakingly beautiful. Every single one of you. I don't care what you've done before, what you're doing now or what you're going to do; how you've looked/acted/spoken. Anything. You're all amazing. And never, ever take that for granted.

11 November, 2011

This post is about my best friend.The best thing that's ever happened to me.The thing that keeps me grounded.The one who makes me want to tear my hair out sometimes.My sister.My friend.My other half.My brain.My conscience.My thoughts.My life.

Come here, I need you so much. You're my best friend in the whole effing world and not a min ute goes by when I don't realise how lucky I am to have someone as amazing as you in my life. You're totally amazing in every single way possible and so, so so heartbreakingly beautiful. 'm typihg all this through blurred eyes on a keyboard really fast so forgive any spelling mistakes but, that's it/ ♥

Fuck me. oh my god, I fucking love you! :') thank you for that, literally tearing up!! :L you're the best friend I've ever bloody had, honestly can't believe I have something as perfect as you all for myself. You're so wonderful to me, I loved it in badminton today when we gave each other the cold shoulder but then we caught each others eyes and started smiling. You're incredible Beth Parker :) I wish I was as poetic as you. ♥

Me and Millie? Well. If you managed to pin us down, and that's a BIG IF, then I'd say we're us. Just, one of those beautiful things that's made out of nothing and blossoms into something.

Millie Melissa Daisy Ann Kevin Harold Stonebridge, I love you from now 'till forever. AND BACK AGAIN, sistaaaaaaaar. <3

05 November, 2011

There's so much going on in my life right now. Literally, mentally and, generally socially. I mean, school work, course work, homework, clubs, priorities, friends, relationships, the demise of relationships, staying up late, being tired, being sad, being wired, being happy, being ME. I love it, but at the same time I can feel people slipping away. I've changed a lot this year, and I don't think that most of it is bad, but I know that I've come to lose friends, and alienate people. Sometimes, I feel sorry for them, for myself and guilty, for not realising, and not trying harder. But, then, I think that, really, I haven't lost EVERYONE, so the people I have lost obviously don't want to try either. I just wish I didn't keep losing or forgetting the most important people/person/thing. It's odd. <3

I've recently realised that, everywhere I go (bitches always know etc. etc. No.) I'm forever looking around for inspiration; things to write about, comment on, laugh over. I think that since my blog took such a dip and I've had to pick it up again I've become a lot more aware of the fact that there's so much to DO and SEE. Now, that makes me sound like a children's television presenter but NEVER FEAR. It's true! If you step outside your house this morning, pause for five seconds. Look around, try and notice something you haven't noticed before, or something that you've always overlooked. I think this, in part, is the reason we leave so much behind us, and take so much for granted. Does no-one else agree? Sometimes, and I know it's cliched, but sometimes if you're running through life to get to where you want to be, and never stopping, you miss out on the important things. Every once in a while, I stay grounded and just think about everything I have and everything I've done. It's also a great pick-me-up; next time, remind yourself of all the amazing things that you've done or that have happened to you. Make a list if you like. :)

15 October, 2011

Pfffffffffft. I've been reading too much Tumblr, and watching too much Nero. I mean, seriously. I can't help but get my head round the fact that, blase and 'tough' as I may appear, there's always the one thing that gets too much.

13 October, 2011

08 October, 2011

Today so far has been...wierd. I feel like everyone is avoiding something, you know, talking about that one little thing. But, I can't see why. Megiushi wouldn't avoid anything and everyone loves Megi. I think that we're a little bit scared, really. Don't you, Siru? I mean, it isn't like I have anything to be frightened of. I'm under the Yashi League, like you right? Oh Siru, just come here and protect us like you promised. This isn't fair.

Yassi.

Hello. I'm sorry for the late reply. IN answer to your question, no, I am no longer under the Yashi League...do you not remember how I turned 17 this summer? And as for your final question...well, I am having to stay in Suchumara for a while yet. I will not be there, not for a long time. I can only apologise.

Siru, my darling Siru...

Let us not talk of war and separation any longer. I would accept even the least humble of apologies, if it was you who was offering. I will come and find you, Cousin Icki leaves Yarani tomorrow night and I shall travel with him...with him I shall be safe.

Yassi!

Do not move from where you are. The Yashi League caters only to followers of the faith, not strays and runaways. How could you endanger yourself like this?

Siru.

Oh darling, you are worth it.

Yassi...

You are not my problem. It is not just me you are endangering, but yourself, your family...if Oshiman finds you, you will cease to exist.

Siru.

Why do you profess not to understand my unconditional love for you? Unconditional isn't the word, I will gladly take death over a lifetime without you. Don't you love me?

Yassi.

I do not love you enough to merit this level of stupidity.

Oh Siru.

Just let me come and find you...everything will seem better when I am back where I truly belong...in your arms.

Yassi, no.

Shirigu Kio and Shiriga Gafu know not of this I assume? If not then I am evermore opposed to the idea. How could you expect me to defy my master? Your father is the only known reason I am still alive and replying to you, he taught me everything I know. I would never permit my own daughter to be stolen by my apprentice...

Siru,

They know not, you are quite right. But, it is too late. Cousin Icki and I have just passed Sasu, we will be with you at best by next moon. All contact from now on is pointless, I will not reply. Sweet dreams, love.

Yassi,

Oh my sweet, darling girl. Where are you now? Somewhere too great for me. You always were better than this world. But to say I could see you before you were gone, that has been life's greatest honour. Yassi, I am yours truly forever, hearing your sweet voice with only a true lover's ears, seeing your beautiful face with only a true lover's eyes, missing you with only a true lover's heart...regretting with only the passion

I was casually scrolling down my Facebook newsfeed when I came across a page I had obviously 'liked' a few eons ago. It was leading to an article on a website run by girls, for girls, encouraging teenagers to send in pictures of themselves, sans makeup. They would in turn be rewarded with an uplifting comment and a chance to express the features that they loved, without fear of judgement. This is what originally inspired me to click on the link, and scroll through the various photos until I noticed a pattern; each girl had included the pre-requisite 'What I like about Me'...and then a message about Jesus, God or a combination thereof. This at first puzzled me; I assumed it was merely coincedence, until I spotted a featured video in the sidebar; vilifying Cosmo magazine for being outrageous and Kim Kardashian for having no morals. This got the wheels turning and the suspicions rising, until I realised that, yes, this was an entirely praise-de-lawd website. And, to the creator's credit, I did continue to read the articles purely for entertainment purposes, until I stumbled across one about Lady Gaga; apparently, the way she dresses and the lyrics in her songs disallow her from saying that she is Catholic, and she is not worth of Jesus' love. This is the only reason that I did what I did, because at this point I believed the creator was not using the Internet to spread her love and Faith in Christianity and in Jesus and God, but using it to discriminate against people who 'weren't worthy'. So, this had to be said.

Dear Nicole,

First of all, I would like to compliment you; I think essentially it's fantastic that a girl such as you holds such strong values, to go as far as publishing them on line and, to your credit, gaining, from what I can gather to be a rather large following. Undeniably, you inspire numerous teenage girls, which is what I think your original intentions concerning this website were. However, from what I can gather from spending a not-inconsiderable amount of time browsing your articles with growing interest, I can now safely state my opinion.

Personally, I think that a lot of what you are doing is no better than vilifying Cosmopolitan magazine. I believe that you hold very valuable Christian faith and I appreciate that; but, quite frankly, how dare you broadcast these opinions in such a manner as to brainwash these teenagers yourself. Lady Gaga, whom you declare ''She, like many entertainers feels lofty and righteous...'' sounds not dissimilar to your actions and words. You use your religion, your faith in God and Jesus, as an excuse to be nasty, sanctimonious and deliberately influential as you know that your following is largely a fan base with a huge amount of trust. I do not believe that God in any way would have you spread His message at all like this. You are rude, you are manipulative and you are degrading and ridiculously judgemental to people who don't fit in with your PERSONAL views of the perfect person. Whoever said you had to dress modestly, and save yourself for marriage, and abstain from buying Cosmopolitan magazine unless you are over the age of 18, in order to be loved by God? I thought that He loved everyone...we are individual, unique and all made with intention, so according to the Bible.

This brings me to my next point; you misquote numerous Bible passages throughout your website, in order to further prove your misleading, misguided, poorly constructed points. The Bible is clearly outdated, and you cannot be expected to live your life according directly to it. If you read it, you would find that many of its points are contradictory, making it physically and mentally impossible to live your life by it. Your expectations are unfair, and for you to foist your own personal, condescending opinions upon impressionable people is not in any way according to the Christian faith.

If you say you love God and Jesus, far be it from me to disagree; I believe you completely. However, I do not believe you are in any way acting upon God's will.

To conclude, as you have no doubt gathered by now, I am in no way religious; I am not a Christian, nor do I believe in any higher power. Notwithstanding this, I do however have a few fundamental beliefs that I hold dear to me, as I am sure you can understand. As I am not religious, I can't begin to comprehend the relationship that you feel you have with God; and in many ways, I do believe that you are acting with the best possible intentions. However, if all Christians should live according to your rules and your delusions to gain love and acceptance, then I hold no faith whatsoever towards God, or Jesus.

Yours faithfully,

''scare-bear''.

Please feel free to visit the website, http://www.projectinspired.com and let me know what you think. In no way am I trying to influence you...far be it from ME to foist my judgement upon you. However, I wish the same could be said for ''Nicole''.

Religion is not about being better than someone, or being worthy of God's love and living your life through the Bible, to the letter. Religion is about being aware of a higher power, having faith and trust in someone or something to always love you, and even though I'm not religious, I respect peoples' faith. What I abstain from respecting, however, is when people use their faith as currency.

Heheh. Don't know why I opened with that, sorry. Probably not appropriate for this kind of topic really. See, earlier when I was drawing a family tree, I needed something to lean on, and then realised (that's realiSed, not realiZed, thank you, stupid Mr. iPhone and your stupid American corrections...slightly 'tail wagging the dog'-ism is it not?) that the leaney-thing was my Dad's casual book of the 20th century. So, I started reading...ahh, you guys know me; at breakfast, I'll read an Ocado receipt as long as it has legible writing on it. And I read, and read, and read; at first I was just looking for anything ground-breaking that happened on my birthday (nothing as of yet, but I'm only on 1968...) but then I started actually reading it. And I realised that, bar the two World Wars and the aftermath of them, I knew practically nothing about the world's history, before my birth. I hate ignorant people, and I had never bothered to research beyond the year of 1996? BEEEEETH. Hyprocritical. *shakes head*. And...I LEARNT STUFF! For example, I had no idea that Mahatma Ghandi was assassinated in the '40's, nor that Elvis signed up to join the US. Army. I loved reading it all, because I started remembering more things that I'd learnt in History last year especially (in my school, you only learn about new-history just before GCSE year, probably to sway you into choosing History for GCSE...didn't work though.), like the fact that a particular speech given just after the news concerning the assassination of the Archduke Franz Ferdinand and his wife Sophie had gone public. The Serbian nationalists had 'won' and there were speeches of triumph being given all over Austria-Hungary. In a lesson, I saw a clip of one such speech, in that funny, black and white and sped-up way that all old films are shot. The speaker was driving the crowd into rather the frenzy, and obviously as there wasn't any sound we couldn't hear the cheering and agreement...but you could definitely feel it. And, as the clip was paused (and this was deliberate, this isn't something exclusive that I've discovered), the camera zoomed in on the grainy footage and, captured forever in a red ring, was Adolf Hitler. I don't know why I was so surprised, the speech was in Austria...small country, small world. No, I jest...actually, I do know why I was surprised. It's because that was a kind of, 'defining history' moment for me. The kind that sends gut-wrenching chills down your spine because you know what's coming next. It's like my post from about half a year or so ago...the one about reading the emails between an ex boyfriend and I, reading them as a story but knowing what happens at the end. It was really strange, knowing that that speech and the forthcoming war could've been the final triggers in Hitler's life that set off his path of destruction. That speech could have, (very unlikely but still...) COULD HAVE created the horror of the Holocaust. How scary is that?

I'll leave you with this...
How scary is it to think that every second, minute, hour...every single day of our lives we can know someone and at the same time have no clue. Really? How strange could that possibly feel? It only takes one hyped-up moment, one feeling of crown mentality to drive someone over the edge of morality...
This leads me to my next post rather neatly; how power always corrupts.
Heh!

29 September, 2011

So there's a boy in my year (NEVER mentioning names in this thing, oh my God, never) who I've known for the past three years and at the beginning of those three years he seemed...elusive. Mysterious, charming and witty. And fantastically attractive, too. Now, three years on? Every fibre in my being detests his very existence every time I pass him. He does not have a single good word for me. It's all nasty comments, put-downs, mockery of my being in a lower Maths set then him, or not having his apparent sporting prowess...manifested by being loud and thrusting desperately forward for any hint of a team captaincy or a chance to BE IN CONTROL. He's also very attention seeking, ALWAYS talking/singing/shouting so loudly, it's enough to give anyone a headache. He doesn't walk; oh no, a walk is far too little for this ruffian, he chooses a swagger instead. Always. Flaunting his various achievements, gets a little boring after a while. So, you just tune out. And recently, I've discovered that actually, strip away the witticisms and all you're left with is a hollow, self-centered shell slowly caving in on itsself because that's how desperate it is to look at itsself all the time. I'm just so furious with him, every word that comes out of his mouth is either arrogant, perverted or insulting. After a while you just lose the humour. And it's for that reason that, not only do I feel a slight irritation, a mild anger towards this boy, but a huge, reckless, gut-twisting FURY every time I see him. I hope he ends up alone because, really? Companionship is too good for this boy. Say what you want about teenage testosterone poisoning, but he's far too clever to realise that there's a stereotype to conform to...this is all his own work. Kids, idolise this.

Everyone wants it. Some think they have it. But no-one understands it. You listen to the people who tell you that they don't want a perfect life; they're lying.hey want a life full of arguments and hardships, to challenge Of course they do, we all do. They say to themselves, to be able to prove themselves. Well, that's what perfection obviously is to them. I can't but I'll try to define it; to me, perfection is what YOU want. No, not you in particular, lonely, Sri-Lankan man, not you little Latino woman, NOT YOU ENGLISH BOY! I mean EVERYONE. Everyone has some idea of what to do, or what to get to make them happy in their lifetime. So, that's perfection. I don't personally think life would be perfect without a few testy arguments, a few cross words...I think, given the good and the bad times, everyone wants perfection. And I love how no-one ever seems to achieve it; maybe they do...maybe they just don't know what to do with it.
Perfection, right now, for me is a blissfully tidy room, all my homework done, totally on course for A's and A*'s in my GCSE's (more about that later!), opportunities to visit the uni of my dreams, and no trouble from anyone. So, that's it. I hope that everyone sets themselves goals to get to their personal idea of perfection, because that's my raison d'etre, my reason for living. :)

04 September, 2011

I have, unofficially, two days (one and two halves) of the summer holidays left. I go back to school, I start Year Ten on Tuesday 6th September at 12:00pm. And I'm feeling wierd about it. You know why? Because, although I've been longing to sink back into the routine of school, school, school, WEEKEND, school etc. I'm going to miss the unadulterated freedom to do whatever, whenever with...whoever, really. Because that's just it; in the six weeks of freedom that I gratefully receive once every year, I can choose not to see particular people, or I can choose to spend days on end with the same person, just because I want to. Unfortunately, at school, I cannot choose who, or when, to spend time with people that I want to. I'm lumped into five classes a day with some people that, yes, I do love, but that, no, I do really, really dislike. You tend to naturally avoid the rude, abrasive people because they're difficult to talk to, to share things with. How on earth are you supposed to talk to a girl that hates you for being whatever she's heard, about a holiday in Cornwall, for example? It's difficult, mainly, because I just do NOT understand what there possibly is to talk about, to have in common, with such people. And it's their own fault; if they want friends, they'll make it easy for you. But if they don't, they will coolly leave you to flounder until you sputter yourself into oblivion. I mean, seriously? Is it really possible that I can have nothing in common, nothing whatsoever to interest the people that dislike me? Or, if there is a topic that grabs their attention, God knows it's only going to be something unstable, something that will spark off an arguement. For this reason, my iPod is my confidante in school, for the most part. Well, for the first couple of weeks until everyone is used to everyone again...

28 August, 2011

Really bored, so I'm going to try my hand at yet ANOTHER story opening (Attempt Number Three, if you will...). Here we go.

Even before she opened her eyes, Miriam 'Mirri' Osbourne knew where she was. Snatches of last night were gathering in the far, littered corner of her brain, taunting thoughts, flinging themselves round like strumpets, reminding her gleefully of the evening before and why it really wasn't a good idea to start with Red Bull Martinis, and go steadily downhill from there. Groaning, she shifted slightly in...bed? The floor? A sofa? Having worked out where she was, and why, Mirri's excact whereabouts were still drastically unspecified. All she could possibly hope to divulge was that, no, she wasn't naked, yes, she had a monstrous hangover, and no, she didn't take off her makeup last night. The latter was probably the first thing realised, if anything; Mirri really was very vain. Before the evil gremlins started jackhammering on her skull, she just about had time to compute the sticky, gummy residues on eyes and lips. This, perhaps, in part, was why she hadn't yet opened her eyes; but of course, the main reason was that Mirri was AFRAID. Afraid of her surroundings, the company in which she may find herself, the state of her face, hair and clothes, and various other things too dull and tedious to express here, but nonetheless extremely important to the fuzzy, alcohol-saturated brains of a newly 25-year-old girl. But, onwards and upwards, things had to be done. Oh, if only, if only Mirri could have leapt energetically up from wherever she had settled in the not-so-early-hours of that very morning. But no, all she could possibly muster was the strength to finally open her eyes. When she did, the sight that greeted her was, not altogether shocking, merely slightly depressing...a Pepto-pink kitchen, with a slightly grubby black-and-white-tiled floor. Christ, Mirri thought, have I really come STRAIGHT from the 90's? Oh dear. You see, Mirri had woken up in numerous, surprising locations before...the skip up Valley Road, the Ladies' in a pub just off Cork Street, the works. Oh yes, this was one classy lady. But what was strangest about her waking location, was that this was the kitchen of Mirri's boyfriend, Classic Bill; called such, because he had the classic, clean-cut, all-American good looks, and seemed slightly Stepford-ish, too. No, that isn't fair, Mirri silently berated herself. Responding to a fairly urgent-sounding text from him last night, she had hastened over, clad in nothing more than slightly grubby pyjamas, but wearing (thankfully!) a bra. The sight that greeted her as she let herself in through his battered front door was one to be remembered for a long, long time; scores of friends and family, congregated in the shabby living room, amongst which clusters of brightly-coloured balloons lurked. Upon her arrival, the collective shout of 'SURPRISE!', coupled with the simultaneous release of three-dozen party streamers had well and truly knocked Mirri for six. Blushing at the memory, she realised that she wasn't even wearing decent, freshly-washed pyjamas. A good-looking girl at the best of times, Mirri nonetheless instantly hated all Boden, Joules, White Company and La Redroute female models, for making nightwear instantly cute and irresistible. Still, if she'd have turned up in one of the more...questionable, shall we say? If Mirri had turned up in one of the more questionable, but very fashionable lacy negligees that she kept just or wafting glamorously round the flat in, there would've been more than a few raised eyebrows, methinks, especially from Uncle Mark, and Grandpa Eddie.

27 August, 2011

If I called someone a 'massive gayer', would it make me a homophobe? If I admitted that yes, okay, I once had a nightmare about midgets coming to get me and ever since they've freaked me out slightly, so I can't watch 'Seven Dwarfs' without breaking out in a cold sweat...would it make me discriminatory towards the vertically challenged? The thing that sparked off this post was the little ID verification thing. You know, if you want to send an email or something, then the computer will get you to type out the random letters and numbers that you see, just so that they can check you're not a spammer; computers cannot recognise the blurry shapes and colours of the characters in the way that humans can. But anyway; have you ever noticed that, next to the handily-placed text box in which you type your answer, there's a little icon. This icon symbolises the ability to change the process of the text identification, if you're blind for example; OR, if you cannot decipher it, the computer will reload another text-thingamajig. And this icon? The disability sign. I think we all know the one I mean...the little stick-person in the wheelchair. Okay, so where's the protest against THAT symbol then?! Where's the national outcry, the claims of, 'Not EVERY disabled person is wheelchair-bound', and, 'OH. So you have to be in a wheelchair to QUALIFY now, do you?'. Because that's what the public is like nowadays. New Labour have ingrained this into our brains, the need to be absolutely, one-hundred-percent politically correct, all the time. This is what we're reduced to; do I call him black, or coloured? Why is it that we always refer to spiders and insects as, 'He'? What happened to sexual equality? Just because someone's leg is broken, should we call them disabled? Or temporarily disabled?

IT'S A POLITICAL MINEFIELD!

As you can probably guess, me being very cutely and adorably...Conservative (pauses. Cue *winces*) means that I don't have much time for these bleeding-heart Liberals, as, in the end, all that the opposition is good for is reminding us why we believe what we believe...and why it WORKS!

15 August, 2011

A few nights back, I was watching the program Graffiti Wars on Channel Four, a program which I had intended to use as a filler to try to sleep, but ironically kept me fizzing with indignation throughout much of the night. The fact is that, since having watched this television show I now believe myself to be firmly on the side of King Robbo. Not to veer into the intricacies of their feud, I will however say that the two of these rival artists (Robbo and Banksy) have been having somewhat of a petty, one-upmanship fight on the walls of Camden Lock, as well as in and around London...

Until Robbo decided to finally be taken seriously as an artist by showcasing some of his earlier and more recent pieces, in the same studio where, several years earlier, Banksy had also achieved notoriety by doing the same, the war of the graffiti was very much in his [Banksy]'s favour; he was granted permission to graffiti in broad daylight, on public property as his graffiti was considered 'street art' and therefore a public asset, to be lucrative, and cultivated since his following developed, a trendy, hip bunch of people who got off on subversive, anti-political and consumerist humour. I bet his fans all wear berets and listen to trendy bands like...I don't know, The Forlorn Shepherds and laugh loudly at foreign, un-subtitled films in cinemas to show that they get the obscure French humour. In short, everything I hate; trendy, anti-capitalist, quirky backwash, encapsulated in cropped jeans and hip shoes.

To get back to the point rapidly, this is not something Banksy agreed with as, obviously, there was only room in the graffiti world for one anti-capitalist, political anarchist to stick it to the man. Sorry, may-un. So, he tried everything to sabotage Robbo's innocent attempts, culminating in the defacing of one of Robbo's earliest, historical pieces, unreachable by anything save a boat, and so very, extremely very deliberate. Five night preceeding his [successful] showcase, Robbo went out, by boat, as he had all those times before, to remove this graffiti. But he didn't get a chance to. He was found the next morning, with severe head injuries which resulted in him being in a coma for little under a year. Today, I found out that he was released from Intensive Care and ''appears to be making very good progress'', which damn well he should. I know it's highly ironic that I berate Banksy of his climb to fame and fortune when the program on C4 was made, interviewing Robbo himself, several times; but then again, you'll never hope to meet a more humble man than him. Tall, lanky but get so delicate and artistic in the way he defaces public proerpty...I know it sounds ludicrous but he's as close to an artist as you can get in these circumstances, which is probably how some people would describe Banksy, but...not really.

Banksy painted a thrice-life-size portrait of the actress Zoe Kravitz, to promote the new film that she was in. He painted this on an assigned wall in Berlin, coincidentally right alongside an earlier 'painting' done by Banksy; although he was commissioned for the piece, Robbo wasn't technically granted official authority, but he was still able to do the piece in broad daylight. It took him all day, and, working only with spray paint, self-built scaffolding, and an A4 piece of paper upon which was the image he was determined to realise, Robbo created...art. Say what you like about any of his other work, but I challenge any person reading this, be they supporters of the graffiti world or otherwise, to defy me in saying that this is artistic. Does this not give us a preview as to what potential lies ahead? Well, yeah, I think so...

so, to conclude...I think that Robbo is pretty much a bit of a genius. And Banksy? Well...he's overrated. And very arrogant. He sincerly hopes that he gets the 'lack of recognition which he deserves', so that shows you something (said and meant with extremely heavy irony...).

Oh, and one more thing...I showed my brother this program yesterday morning, and also...I've spent the past almost-week educating everyone in my household, be that family, pets, friends etc. about the conflict between the two artists, given them plenty of opportunity to research and even directed them to the various relevant information pages. So, there you go. This blog post is, yes, mainly about me and what I think, but that's what blogs are for. This is excactly why I wanted wone in the first place, to share my opinions and views. Even though this is a new subject, I'm pretty sure it's a very important one. So, yeah. G'night!

Is it true? Is it true that my blog might be, albeit a little-known corner of whimsy in the Internet, somehow misread offensively, almost 3,000 times (according to my page-view counter)? Do I have to do what almost every other blogger that I've seen does? (And oh yes, I've done my research...and how!) because I don't want to. I look at these other uniform pages of mindless words on the internet, and I just get BORED. I should say, if you hadn't already guessed, that my blog is an absolute reflection of my personality and my being; funny, awkward, little bit frivolous but, all in all, something that you'd do well to learn by ;D No, I joke. But the point I'm trying to make (in my long-winded way) is that I'm truly, truly sorry. I honestly am! Although my presumptions may be overtaking me somewhat, I'd rather look a fool for apologising presumptuously for nothing than swanning through my blog, and the times that I have, simultaneously insulting and irritating my viewers (what little I may have). I do realise that an awful lot of points that I have may be exceptionally strong, sometimes unfairly strong as well...for example, my views on right-wing politics, abortion, Robbo over Banksy...whatever. (That last one is coming up in a next blog post). What I wanted to say was that I AM sorry, for whatever may have offended you. But, likewise...I'm not going to change. Like Ed Sheeran says, I'm not going to stop talking, to stop saying the things that I want to say...the fact is that it's a really, surprisingly rare thing nowadays for people like me to actually have an opinion of their own...to be genuinely interested in things, to be interested in a subject enough to pursue it further...school isn't for losers!

11 August, 2011

Last week, when I was being all sad and hormonal, I had a huuuuuge conversation with my Dad about everything; it was literally about an hour and a half long, honestly one of the best I think I've ever had. It was mainly about how we see ourselves, and what we both want to achieve. See, a big similarity between my Dad and I, and indeed the vast majority of our family, is that once we've set our eyes on a goal and we want it badly enough, we won't stop until we get it. Some people might say that's unhealthy, especially at such a young age, but really? I think it's unhealthy to have NO aspirations, to want everything to stay excactly the same as it is now. To be honest, that's really quite...boring? Imagine if, God forbid, all I wanted to do in life was settle down in Newbury, get married, maybe have a couple of children and work at Vodafone HQ? I'm not saying there's anything wrong with working at Vodafone or anything like that, it's just that I live in Newbury now and an awful lot of my friends' parents work there, which is what they want to do when they're older, because it's easy. Me? I want to get work experience on a film with my Auntie and her friends in London, crash at her's for a week or two and gather all the contacts I can to add to my not-inconsiderable database of connections already :L I'm really lucky to be honest, I'm lucky that I have such an encouraging family...both my parents have changed somewhat since they were children, since they got married, since they had us. They've both set in mind what they want to do in the future and how they can achieve that from where they are now, and this, along with other things (obviously), has contributed greatly to my respect for the both of them.

But I digress. I now have a big, not confession, more 'revelation' to make you to, Blogspot. That revelation is that I have a list. Yep, a big ole' list. And I started this list, what, a year ago? In that time it's grown and grown, and changed somewhat. It is a list of everything I hope to achieve as I get older, and so I don't forget what is really important to me. I use other people's examples and experience to produce reasonable, achievable goals but at the same time set for myself some decent challenges. This list has been hidden in various places around my room for a year and it's now being made public, purely to reinforce my intentions and make sure that I can't back out of them if they're up, online, in black-and-white. I know what some of you must be thinking, ''Well, not really; she could just delete the post'' but I don't DO that. I've never deleted one of my posts up here, because, even if some of them take all of two minutes to write, every single one means something, maybe something more than whatever the title and subject of it is. So, without further ado, here is my List. I'll keep the original paper copy to add any more goals whenever I need to, but for now this post will suffice. So here you go...

1) Make more friends, don't just sit in the corner. I know it's not your fault that they're mean to you but if you were more sociable and you didn't always read in class etc.. then you'd find it easier to cope.

2) Don't rely on Charles so much, it would make your relationship a lot better if you were more independent.

3) Don't rest on laurels at school! You know you're clever, I know you're clever but what use is brain power if you never use it, eh Beth?! Don't just save it all up for exams.

4) You know excactly what irritates Mother and Father, so don't bring it up in a conversation, or, if it is brought up, don't try and fight your point if it's not worth it. Just learn to walk away.

5) Learn to surf properly!

6) Keep your room tidy all the time, we both know it depresses you when it's messy. Organise your clothes if you have to.

7) Find a best friend.

8) Go BASE Jumping at 16.

9) Listen to more mainstream music sometimes, you might like it.

10) DO MORE ON YOUR BLOG. (Heh heh heh)

11) Eat more healthily.

12) Go to more gigs!

13) Really do try and find more friends.

14) Do what people tell you once in a while.

15) Get on better with Wills.

16) Learn to fight your ground if you have to.

17) Be as principled as you like, if you straighten your case properly it really doesn't matter what your point is.

18) Stop straightening hair OR buy heat protection spray.

19) Don't wear so much eyeliner.

20) Get your own style!

21) Get in touch with Hannah, ask in advance about work exp.

22) Focus on the good points in life, don't just let everything bad get you down.

23) Be braver.

24) MAN UP! HPV Jabs aren't that bad!
25) REVISE REVISE REVISE!

26) Be honest. It's easier.

27) Work out what you actually want to do when you're older. It makes it easier to answer people when they ask, that way.

28) Repair relations with Mrs. Hersh! For real!

29) Join more clubs next year.

30) Get Twitter; blog promotion???

31) Go shopping, you need a new style.

32) CHRISTMAS SHOPPING!!

33) Be on your guard, don't let the girls at school trick you.

34) Don't spend all holiday at home, make some plans. You have a new calendar, USE IT!

35) Put some more stuff on iPod, it's getting old.

36) Revise Blink-182 for the gig :L

37) Get to know Charles' family better.

38) Really do keep room tidy.

39) Spend less time in your room.

40) Be funnier?!

41) Spend LESS TIME ON FACEBOOK!

42) Go to people's houses more?

43) Stop being so paranoid, things are going well.

44) Learn to brush/laugh people off easily.

45) Sort out clothes.

46) Block everyone on Facebook who's giving you trouble.

47) Talk to Mr. Metcalfe.

48) TRY to get on with Whitmore.

49) Move tutor groups??

50) Spend more time with Millie!!

51) Ace Gang sleepover...SOON!

52) Get a flat in Kensington; look into house prices?:L

53) Plan room redecoration.

54) Be braver

55) Try to be less hormonal, be a bigger help round the house.

56) Organise loads of sleepovers in the summer.

57) Try and do well in setting exams.

58) Try harder in Triple.

59) Get Options straight.

60) REVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE!!!

61) Be happy.

62) Don't let them get to you, you have a lot of friends now.

63) Organise sleepovers/meet-ups with newer friends?

64) Look into babysitting, extra money.

65) Be honest to everyone. Leave behind people that irritate you.

66) Help out in Kent, don't miss people too much.

67) Get CCF/Uniform sorted.

68) Get school books sorted.

That's all I have so far, and before you say something like, ''That's not really goals, that's more of a reminder-list'' then just think...look over some of my older posts if you have to (I don't care, I have pageviews to BURN!) and then try and understand why every single entry on that list, to me, meant a lot, and took some doing. There were definitely times when I considered ripping it up because there was too much to do, too much to try and sort out, and being the kind of person that I am, I'd rather just ignore it and hope it would go away...but in the end, I really did man-up and I've accomplished pretty much everything on that list. Obviously, apart from future plans. It helps, too, to get a clear picture in my head and the entries are eclectic and varying, I know, but that's the beauty of it! The fact that none of them really relate to each-other directly (unless I wrote the same one several times, that is) and they all have equal, or nonetheless great, importance to me. Another reason for doing the list was that it encouraged me to do more stuff so I could cross it off, therefore making the list smaller and less daunting. I love how I was so taken with the idea of ticking it off that I even contemplated buying some gold-star stickers for myself to further encourage it. But hey, I'm doing pretty well. Do you guys have any goals?

05 August, 2011

At a request, I've decided to move this on to my blog because, really, for these three girls, there's way too much love and a lot of emotion going into these and Facebook...just isn't really appropriate :) won't do names, just initials.

First, under heavy duress there's M.S. Ooh, that rhymed.I think that there's a lot to be said for spending 48 straight hours with a chick, creating more memories in the process, being alternatively excessively healthy and gluttonously UNHEALTHY. We stayed up till two am, her educating me on the first three Star Wars films, then both of us darting across her room at random inervals to stick our heads out of the window and gasp in the refreshingly chilly air. We both share common interests, such as dinosaurs, Pokemon, being a bit silly and having awesome friends, yet we have enough differences to provide us with stuff to say, the key ingredient being Marmite. That's a big sparring partner between the two of us. Not to mention the fact that she is beautiful and gorgeously funny, witty and intelligent (because, yes, it IS the minimum requirement for all my friends, just so I don't make them look bad...I JEST!) there's the fact that already she gets on so famously with my Mum, my Dad and my Brother. Why, just last night she felt like part of the family, eating chilli on the floor with us (because we're lazy, not because we're poor), laughing at my Dad, chatting with my Mum and gigling at the bickering going between me and my bother. Hah. hen forcefully spooning me all night, not getting out of bed until her Dad came to the front door and going home in her pajamas. All in all, a good 48 with a very, very good, if not fantasical, beautiful, stunningly attractive best friend.

Secondly, the elusive and fantastical R.V.I don't just respect her for having one of THE COOLEST surnames I think I've ever heard in my life, ever. I also respect her for dealing with everything. That sounds a lot more dramatic then she'd probably prefer, which is another reason why I love her so; she is never one to make a fuss, always just gets on with things. Occasionally, yes, she'll crack but what teenage girl doesn't? And considering how awesome she is, I think it's pretty fair to say that she's of a really strong character and, although I wouldn't want to try it, I bet I could throw any situation at her and she'd deal with it famously. Another reason is her free-mindedness. That's probably not a totally valid phrase, but what the hell? She is so worth making up a word for! Being in the position that she is, with lots and lots of admirers and friends surrounding her, but some of them being slightly unsable, she's brave to consider everyone's opinions before her own, try her best not to hurt anyone with wha she chooses to do, and always has reasons for doing it. When I was going through a hard time at school, because of one of her friends mainly, she always had a kind word to say to me; we didn't have an overly strong friendship but whatever rapport we did have didn't change because of her friends, which again shows her strength of character, as a lot of people would bend and fold to fit in with the crowd. A final reason? Well, she's beautiful of course. Say what you like about it, but when someone is truly gorgeous in their hearts and minds too, it shines through making them stunning on the outside; which of course, only enhances her hopelessly good looks. She is her own kind of perfection, the kind that works for her. She is perfection that everyone recognises but no-one else possesses. To conclude, this girl never, ever takes her friends, family or looks for granted; she is grateful for everything she gets, always takes the time to help someone who needs it and never puts herself above anyone else. Trustworthy, reliable; she is one of the very first people I'd call if I needed help.

Finallemont! M.N.AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA she has a rude surname :L I remember in Year Seven when she used to be closer to me, I'd get HOURS of mileage from that. Seriously, it was just...the best thing in the world! At the start of Year Eight we were borderline inseperable. Not even joking, I will always remember the double sleepover we had just before Christmas of '10 (literally JUST before...22nd at mine, 23rd at hers, back at my house at lunchtime on Christmas Eve). We were like sisters, making all our plans for the future, dancing, giggling, having an awesome time. I don't really blame anyone for the change we went through. I think it was a combination of tough times at school, separate personal issues and changes we were both experiencing. We were both developing, changing, growing older and part of that was needing space to see who we could be. I went down the stupid, emo, attention-seeking path for a while. She became a chav for a week (a gorgeous one, even so!). Then we had tension at a time when both of us were happy with our places in school but not with our images. We both changed again. And now? Now we've hit a happy middle; we both repsect each-other, love each-other to pieces still and, even as our looks change, and even though it's probably ancient history to her, I admit that our friendship, that closeness we shared, never left me; it's never going away. She will always, always be like a sister to me and I'm so happy that our lives are slowly merging once more...I feel more confident hanging around her and her friends, we interact more outside of school, our friends are slowly meshing...even if we don't want the other's lifestyle, we'll always have a great deal of respect for each-other, that much I'm pretty certain I can guarentee. What I've noticed happening is the excact same chain of events that lead us to become friends originally. Maybe, and I hope it's true, history is repeating itsself and we'll go through this once again. I hope so, I really hope so. I love her to bits, the funny, gorgeous, beautiful, irreverant girl. Surprising at times, yes, but always with the same familiarity I long to possess; example being that you could go away, not see her for a year and when you came basck things would be excactly how you left them. This girl does not change without a fight and when she does? It's always for her, no-one else.

Okay, done! I'm not doing this for anyone else, you guys aren' special. No, I kid, comment if you want one ;)

04 August, 2011

After everything we did.The fact that this pulled the four of us amazingly closer together, the fact that we were all here for you. You were our broken heroine, the one who still fought with the weight of her betrayal hampering her life. We respected you for that; everytime we jokingly called each-other sluts, you practically welcomed the insult with open arms, always saying, ''Yeah, I know''. It broke our hearts, the three of us, your three best friends; you called us that, with eyes shining, as we all hugged you and plied you with sugar and ice-cream to help you forget. We didn't, never could, hate you for what you did. We know it wasn't all down to him, but it certainly was not just you. You didn't deserve that scarlet letter painted over your head, hanging over you. You're so beautiful, even with all the pain of that betrayal. Everyone else who knew, they didn't know the extent of your repentance and the unforgiving guilt you always felt. Yeah, I'm over-dramatising the whole situation, making it sound more romantic than its actual sordid, teenage counterpart but hell, this is what we all feel. Us, your best friends, the ones who share your dreams and know every single emotion.

And now, to coin a readily-made phrase, comes a kick in the teeth. From a semi-reliable source, I've since discoveered that you want to repeat this encounter, to go through all this seemingly unbearable ''pain''. Or not. I don't know; is it real? Was the emotional downfall you seemingly experienced even real? Or is my newfound information merely a ruse, to save someone elses' skin?I want to believe the latter; I know you wouldn't ever want to hurt anyone. And you know how much this could hurt people involved. Sure, people are reading this thinking, hey, it's none of [my] business, which indeed it isn't...directly. I was not there, I do not know the sequence of events firsthand. My speciality isn't the how's, the why's and the wherefore's. I deal with the emotion, the consequence of the girl so ravaged by guilt.You didn't eat, talk, sleep, for days. You lived, as you put it, on 'caffeine and regret'.Not for a second do I doubt the reality of your emotions; no-one could fake that much remorse. It's too painful. But I do wonder why. I do wonder if you're doing this to hurt yourself...to hurt us? To hurt the person involved. Maybe you're doing it for closure, or maybe just because you want to. But we, your best friends, deserve an explanation.I don't hope you read this. Indeed, I hope you're thinking about what to say to us, how to explain in a way we'll understand, because we don't, and we want to understand. We really do; any screed of information that could possibly help us empathise with you, that's what we want...all we want...to help you, to catch you if things go so badly wrong again, for a second time.Or maybe I hope that you'd have no idea what I'm talking about, indeed if I were to put this forward to you then maybe you'd look at me as if I was quite mad. Maybe that's what I'm hoping for. But either way, I know that whatever I'm hoping for, it always involves you being happy, looking forward to your future, being the girl we fell in love with.Whatever you choose to do, keep smiling, be careful...stay safe.

02 August, 2011

In this world of much-ado-about-something political correctness, why, I ask myself, is it still being subtly promoted, in my eyes? Well, not promoted as such and this next example IS NOT, repeat NOT racist in any way.Black people. Fought for civil rights and racial equality since, ooh, the 1700's? Finally fully achieved with the help of Martin Luther King in the '60's. But, then...why is it suddenly okay to have that foisted back on white people? And other ethnic groups...Asians, Pakistani's etc. SOME black people (this is from experience so don't you dare call me racist) think that it's okay to make fun of a white person for our skin colour, they call Asians 'Chinkies' because...well, because they can. Because they knew that if someone apprehended them, heaven forbid a person of a different ethnicity to them, they could stake claims for racism. England and America have tried so hard to compensate for the treatment of black people in the past. It's something that will be etched in our history forever, no matter whether you think it's good or bad. That's just the way things are. But. call a black person out on their use of racist language toward a white person and, normally I'll get, 'But you did it to us so it's only fair!'. Fair? FAIR?! Since when has the world been fair?! Yes, our treatment of them was, in some cases, shocking. But if it hadn't happened, neither nation would be as powerful as it is today, so think on. It's excactly like saying, if you think about it, punching a Frenchman in the face and saying, 'That's for the Battle of Hastings! William the Conqueror can kiss my asphalt!'. Or, like the Japanese kidnapping an American, holding him hostage and then saying, 'We'll let him go if you drop two atomic bombs on your greatest cities'. Things happened. All across the world, things are happening everyday. If we wanted compensation, and gained it, for all of these things then don't you think the world would be a bleak place? Doesn't the Bible, indeed the Lord's Prayer itsself, say, 'Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us'? Now, I'm not overtly religious, but even I know that, since the days of the Bible, times have changed but not as much as to overlook some of the teachings. Except this one, of course...'flipping' political correctness always gets in the way.

To detract from the title somewhat, I was school-uniform shopping in M&S today, don't you know? ;D Buying school shirts, I was. And I couldn't help noticing, as I noticed in Next the other day, that it seems the higher the age on the shirt, the more you have to pay? Well, that's a bit daft really. Shouldn't they all be the same prices? Woe betide you if you've dared to grow in the past year, that's an extra £5 for your trouble, please, squire. And as I said, it's much the same in Next; an average Size Eight dress is, say, £30 (being optimistic, clearly!) whereas, a Size 22 would be £45! I don't know if it's because of extra material costs, or just to discourage people from eating really :L but I disagree with this. Whilst I wouldn't call it discrimination, I do call it annoying. Petty though my observations may be, I can guarentee at least one of you reading this will be tossing and turning in bed tonight, agonising over this; is it really fair? Is it right? What are the reasons behind it? If you're on Google at 3 a.m trying to soothe your fevered brain over a teenager's catty blog post, then I shall eat my hat.

23 July, 2011

FINALLEMONT! The summer is upon us! That means an entire month and a half of uniterrupted sleep, wasting time and not thinking about the future.At least, that's what everyone's telling me. I'm happy about it too, but it's like with everything, like Christmas and birthdays, once it comes round, all the excitement's gone because you struggle to see anything but what happens after it.

19 July, 2011

I know I've over-posted lately, and you're probably getting bored of all these random sentences and such, but I don't care; I actually have something to post about!So, lately I've come to realise that right now, I'm actually having the best time of my life. Seriously, from about Easter onwards, my life has just been on the total up. Like, I got everything I wanted; all my GCSE Options, getting on to the Ski Trip, getting into various clubs and things...I've been given LOADS of stuff, getting my boyfriend on holiday with me, going to Kent for a week in the summer to see my lushious Godmother...Found my slipper boots, am allowed to dye my hair, we're in the last week of term...Found amazing friends, kept my lovely boyfriend, making so many new friends...Learning to ignore people who aren't worth my time, getting invited to parties, my hair growing longer...Going on so many sleepovers and days out, having loads of plans for a change, getting into all the higher academic sets at school...Life is totally on the up right now, I've been on a high for so long and I just feel...really, really lucky :) for, as far as a person's life goes, periods of time rarely come around like this...where everything is looking prosperous and the things that aren't are easily ignored. When you can look forward to going to bed because you've had a busy day, but look forward to waking up because the next day's going to be pretty awesome too.Thank you to everyone who's lifted me out of this invisible stupour, the one I'd been walking under for months. If a time like this doesn't come around again for a while (Which I hope it doesn't, because that makes it less special that way...) then I'm going to be reading this post over and over to remind myself how things CAN and DO work out. This makes me so happy, writing all of this positivity. I can guarentee that at some point, I'll read it and want to shoot former-me, preaching, self-righteous, former-me. But until then, I'll leave you with this; it's a picture taken of the back of my friend's head at a recent party I went to :L this is what we do when we're happy; she was spinning and the angle at which the photo was taken makes her hair look AWESOME. If you're wondering, it was WET, not GREASY. So yeah, this is...the back of some chick's head?:L

18 July, 2011

So, as you all know I've been writing on this baby for quite some time now and I thought, for my hundreth post, that I'd give a bit of a shoutout to some of the people that actually read it from time to time...and most people who don't, but I'm hoping will start soon ;D So here we go!The Good;Michelle Heckles- You were my one firm allience in this farcical tutor group :) you've always stood by me and are continuously supportive, loving and firm when you need to be :)Jess Blissett- Really sweet, lovely girl who's fantastically clever but still manages to be ridiculously cute...Nicole Cockburn- absolutely brilliant; continuously supportive to everyone you love, fantastically pretty and really genuine. You never fail to make my day, so glad we're friends :)Tom Fisher- the brilliant Tom, amazingly clever and good at EVERYTHING. Literally...I envy your brain! You're also really sweet, kind and funny, as well as giving amazing speeches in English lessons :)Paige Pope- Beautiful girl! Funny, confident, really friendly. Getting to know you better :)Ellesha Emma Denise Brannigan- cute, pretty, the girl almost everyone wants to be at some time or another :) quietly confident, always perfectly composed :DPeter Evans- the, if slightly gross, fairly charming and funny guy that is so ridiculously awkward that you never fail to make me laugh :DErika Bella Pretorius- Erika, a lovely girl who hasn't always had it easy in life but never stops smiling. Chin up, girl!George Jackson- fairly well-known, one of the many boy-charmers who my boyfriend is probably having an affair with. Nonetheless, really lovely and funny :) I love your hair!Jessica Watts- beautiful, even with braces, fantastic at sports and general school- girl, is there anything you can't do?! You're so cool, the girl I wanna be ;DCaitlin Brine- the cool, unique girl on the bus. You outgrew everyone, you're so maure and educated but as brilliantly funny and witty as ever :)Akshay Nugent- the cousin I always wanted! Fantastic at singing, dancing, acting...man, you're just wicked :) need to see you soon though!Daniel Cox- never quite seen eye-to-eye with you, although you are really funny, you always make me smile even if you insult me, because you do it so well! The required amazingness at singing, I am let astounded by you. You're also fiercely loyal to all your friends, which I really respect- hope to become one of them? (Hint, hint ;D)Shauna Louise Beale- united by abuse and mutual hatred, although now that's faded, I respect your vast bank of insults and confidence :) and you're purdeeee...Nadia Morris- cute, funny, so clever. I'm always left feeling cheated when you steal my answer in class, but it's cool because you're just so perfect! Ah, I remember the good old days of sitting next to you in Maths :)Jack Prout- my new-found bus friend! Man, you're brilliant; all this 'love' and 'sweetheart' is truly the way to a girl's heart. Never loose it, Austin Powers! XDSam Barber- you and Jack should SO have your own comedy spot. Please, please? You're so naturally funny together and although you and me didn't really get on till recently you're actually really nice, and you're fun to be around :)Munya Sitsha- my bus-confidante and friend since Year Seven pretty much. Always saying what everyone else is afraid to; you're also never one to be subtle, but that makes you cool :DMercy Carter- everyday, I miss you more and more. It's ridiculous, you moving just as we were starting to be friendly. But every day, with the missing you, there comes hope that I'm one day closer to seeing my babe.Bella 'Jazzy' Day-Langley- although I don't know you that well, you're really funny and kind when it comes to Facebooking, and your pictures are ridiculously pretty.David Beynon- new friend! We sort of bonded slightly over Hannah Davenport, and you make me laugh so much! This is so eye-opening, I need to be friends with so many people! Be my friend, David :LKiera Chambers- you were my best friend a while ago, and you'll always have such a big place in my life. Funny, witty, outgoing but always here and always caring. You're so beautiful.Fran 'Frab' Thomas- OMG I want your Welsh accent. You, my friend, are a girl of so many talents :D Not to mention being beautiful, you're also rapidly becoming such a good friend. Friday tent-bonding, woo!Lizzie Harris- of the SSG persuasion :') ahh, a part of my life I'll never forget. Lizzie, you're brilliant! And you're so much more intelligent then you want people to think, but I know, Lizzie, I know!!Daniel Fuller- just one of the people I regret leaving behind :/ so, so funny :) and you're really cool, you are a proper ''Dude''. Honestly, you're so cool! Never loose that, please?Hannah Janet Rose- Gorgeous, gorgeous girl! I miss you so much, but I live for our sleepovers :) you make me laugh so much dude,a nd you are getting more and more beautiful every single day. I love you!Alex Murtagh- the one who gets Charles' girlfriend and Ollie's girlfriend mixed up -.- pretty cool, like me obsessed with uncovering Charles' sexuality but, meh :L also one of his secret lovers. You're funny and cool, wish I knew you better though.Rory Geeson- I don't even know where to start with your intelligence. You're so far ahead of us all, even Jish, that we can't see you for dust. I think yiu'd be such a good person to have a proper discussion with, we should do that sometime!Millie Robinson- Funny, CUTE, kind, beautiful :) you've grown up so much this past year but you're still MY Millie, the cute, awkward one :) I love you so much, m8.Charlotte King- with all your perfection, you could so easily be stuck-up but you're NOT, you're the most down-to-earth, funny, original girl I know :) bonded so much last year, over 8EPL and SSG, and you're so beautiful!

The bad (closer);Luca Nicole- my Bloxorz QUEEN. I'm kicking myself for not realising what an awesome girl you are. I am going to miss you so much when you go, it will tear me in two. I shall think about you every day and maybe if I win Bloxorz too, you'll come back? I love you so much, beaut.Callum Yates- the charming, infuriating bully that brightens my day :L you are too funny, with your bullying of me, Amber, Nina, Joe, George, Specs and Mrs. Hersh :L if you weren't so cool, I'd probably hate you, but I don't, you're too adorable!Harry Dudding- I met you purely by chance, but you've rapidly become such a huge part of my life it's unbelieveable. I think that you're one of the coolest people I'll ever meet, and our mutual love of Power Rangers, Pokemon and Nyan Cat makes for one kick-ass friendship. Love you, Dudding.Jesille Ecat- my enigmatic, awesome Asian m.k 2. You're fantastically funny, pretty and SO LAZY! I want to sleep in your bed again soon, which we must do! Let's get that awesome relationship back, mmkeh?Rhian Venning- if you don't mind my saying so, one of my best friends actually ;D I'd do anything for you, especially as I know you've had such a hard time of it in general. I think that if you realised how beautiful you were, you might be slightly happier, but not everyone realises it at first...you're absolutely gorgeous, dude!Josh Cussen- the lemon, Jish, the lemon! You are my English, Physics, Creative Writing and Lemon buddy, and I make you give me awkward hugs :D you're so cool, I love reading your stories too; write one for me? ;D I love you Jish.Liam Ong Bak Dry- apart from anything, the big brother I never had :) always there for me to cry on, or shout at. You're funny, SO FUNNY, and just full-on brilliant. You mean everything to me, especially with all the stuff you've helped me out with in the past. Full-on love, bro.Joseph Lukehurst- NERD. But with awesome arms :D one of the boys that I would consider to be one of my best dude-friends, you're really funny and I always end up having such a good time when you're around :)Sammy Sebastien Prentice- one of my very best friends ever, the great artist and fashion designer, the brilliant all-rounder. So funny, and brave! No joke, my friend, you've got somethingthat a lot of people haven't :) you are AWESOME, and beauty is fleeting!Fiona Gorham- So pretty, socially awkward girl that I've come to love as my own :) you're brave, original, unique, entrancing. Your writing and speaking just transport me to different places, you're absolutely fantastic, really. And the only person I know who can pull off those glasses, gah!Pippa Higgins- gorgeous girl. Simply and purely the best thing in the world, I feel so safe when I'm with you. You're so funny and too posh to swear :P but one of the best things I've received this year, you're so funny and beautiful too! I'd kill to look like you gorgeous. I love you.Nicole Baddeley- Also known as Most Wanted, this girl, ladies and gentlemen, has a permanent smile on her beautiful face and a kind word for (almost) everyone. You never let anyone get you down, have undying loyalty and respect for those who deserve it and so much beauty it makes me want to cry :D but I'm going to miss you, and hopefully you'll remember me :LMimi Oluwande- *WAVES!!* you're one of the only Barts kids that I think is a regular on this thing, gorgeous! Please start your own? It'd make me happy. You are just, simply, a beautiful, beautiful person. I have so much respect for you, you're so happy all the time! And you need to see my dinosaur walk :)

And the Ugly ;D (closest!)Nina Chen- one of my best things this year. You've been there for me continuously, I don't know what the hell I'd do if you weren't here. The Ace Gang is the best thing to ever happen to me, and you're one of the three people that ALWAYS, ALWAYS makes my life worth living. A purely beautiful girl, I'd do anything for you! I love you!!Amberly Davis- the ONLY one I know who can discipline me, who shares my love for carrot juice and slogan t-shirts. I've had some of the best nights of my life with you and you mean the world to me. Always funny, always there for me even when I try and push you away. I know you'd do anything for me and the fact that I know this means the most to me; you're so beautiful, I love you so much darl.Millie Stonebridge- the wunderbar Millie! Oh my God, you make me laugh :) we're the sister the other never had, also shared my best (and worst) moments with you. You've seen me on an all-time-high and so low it's insane, and you STILL love me. That's pure love, right there. Bit stunning, you are. You're my best friend for a reason, girl, you mean more and more to me everyday, I never ever want to even thinka bout loosing you dude. I love you absolutely millions, forever man :DWills (my bro; couldn't like the status, lack of Facebook)- the annoying, irritating, cheeky brother that I'd do anything for :) even though I dislike you, I still love you undyingly and you know I'd deck anyone who was mean to you. And yeah, you may be taller...stronger...and older-looking than me...but you're still my baby bro!My parents- Muvver! I know you guys didn't like this, but you're kind of the Mother and Sister-type Mum that I've come to greatly appreciate :) we have our ups and downs, but in the end we're closer than a lot of people can say they are with their Mums, and you don't know how much that means to me, especially now when I feel like I need you the most :) Farthaaaaar, you're the funniest dude I know :) it makes me happy the way you're in a good mood and that gets me in a good mood. You've made some of my all-time best Quotes of the Day, and for good reason! Funny, sarcastic, opinionated...I've done you proud :)

Thank you to everyone I know and don't, who may read this blog regularly, who may've Bookmarked it on their browser, who I may've made laugh or cry :) thank you to everyone who's kept me going to my hundreth post, and, I hope, far, far beyond. I need this blog more tan it needs me, sure, but I also know that as long as I've got something to say, you guys are all going to read about it :)