So, it was my birthday this weekend. I am in my 40's now, and each time there's another digit added on to the 4, it makes me squirm.. I generally hate birthdays, they make me sad. I have had some exceptionally shitty birthdays in the past. Being dumped for an ex was one that stands out, my Gran's funeral was another one, being beaten up by kids who crashed my party was also pretty spectacular, as was my 21st, I pretty was sick, and my bf at the time, left me home alone to go to a bar with our friends.

Pity party. I know. I have had some good ones too, but they mostly involve Ex, and thinking about them makes me sad too. Fabulous 30th, swimming with dolphins in Hawaii on our honeymoon. The perfect birthday. Getting fucked up with Master, before he was Master, and still just somebody to have fun and get good and fucked up with. (Master was a much loved friend for a good many years prior to all this bullshit.)

I didn't get anything from Ex, no email or text or anything, and that made me sad. His mother didn't email me either, which was also sad, because she has been in touch still, once in a while. She never forgets a birthday, she's a neurotic Jewish Mother. She sends a card for virtually everything, so I know she didn't forget.

Mom sent Ex an email. I don't know why. She felt like she 'should', and that's ok. I asked her not to tell me if he replies, or what he says, if he does. I don't want to know. Let's see if she sticks to that. She probably won't be able to help herself. I am bracing myself for news or no news, don't know what's worse, really.

In other news, I am consoling myself by watching the Vampire Diaries, which is actually pretty good. It's what would happen if True Blood and Twilight had a baby. Only better. More True Blood, less Twilight, but I can't help but see the resemblance between Elena and Stephan, and Bella and Edward. Damon is pretty fucking HOT though. I like bad boys, especially vampires. What can I say? I would definitely like to be ravished by this one. Very pretty and deliciously bad-ass. He likes older women, too, he's a milf-chaser on the show.. I bet he's good with a whip.