We got a letter today in a printed (address, return address, and even the postage, with the cancellation including a plug for the company) envelope.

The card inside was completely printed, even the signature. On the back was more advertising for the company. I can't tell whether the couple even wrote the text; it looks like it could have been an auto-generated text where they customize a few fields. It was obviously never touched by the couple themselves. I googled the company for just a minute before finding out that that's exactly what it is (and an MLM business at that): they print, stuff, and mail greeting cards and such.

(Side issue: I cracked up, as I always do, at their thanking me for "the beautiful stemware ... [Groom] and I absolutely love the crystal wine glasses ..." that I chose from the registry. I recognize that makes it harder to effuse about a gift, but, sheesh, surely there's a way to be enthusiastic other than by complimenting your own good taste.)

Anyway, I think this is another terrible idea that marketers assure couples is The Perfect Way to thank your guests efficiently, or something. And maybe there are people who don't think it looks so bad, and it isn't a big deal, of course -- it was still a prompt (very prompt, in fact) thank you for the gift, which is the point, after all.

Maybe this kind of thing would be okay for something like Xmas cards from a business. But for personal correspondence, including thank you notes? To me, it looked absolutely awful. It screams, "Look! We found a way to spend as little time and trouble as possible thinking about you and expressing gratitude!" Even an email would have been more personal -- it would have come from them, at least, and without all the advertising.

I'm not posting to bash this couple, just to warn anyone considering doing this to be aware that no matter what you yourself may think of it, at least some of your guests will have this reaction, too, so if you want to avoid that, just write your own notes.

Greencat, pardon me, but I don't understand the point of your post. Perhaps you missed the part where I explicitly acknowledged, "it was still a prompt (very prompt, in fact) thank you for the gift, which is the point, after all."

(This kind of reminds me of another string going on right now, "I knew you were going to say that." I absolutely knew that there would be a response to my post saying something like "what's important is that you were thanked.")

No one is disputing that. But it isn't the point. Not thanking people at all isn't even an option for anyone even remotely mannerly.

The point here was criticism of outsourcing thank you notes to a company (in a way that entails minimal personal involvement) rather than writing and sending them yourself.

(My husband just walked in and said, "Did you see that thank you note from Bride? Did they even write that?")

I was, in large part, agreeing with you. Anything short of at handwritten thank-yous are a bit tacky, although the example you received with the advertising is egregiously tacky. I wonder if the couple knew that the notes were going to include all the ads?

I see. It's even worse than that it was not hand written (or even signed) and included ads. To me, the worst part is that the couple outsourced the whole thing. All they did was fill in a few fields. They never even touched or even saw it.

If it makes you feel better, I *think* they at least design the card and write whatever is inside. I would be a bit put out too to receive one like you did, but at least you got one. With the tech age now, I'm sure this will become more common... sadly.

I'd be OK w/ a typewritten thank-you note--it's not really the method that bothers me so much as it is the total lack of personal connection.

I got a handwritten thank-you note this week that said, "Thank you for coming ot celebrate us, and for the lovely gift. Looking forward to celebrating our special day with you and Husband."

She didn't mention what I gave her, and one of those was a set of personalized napkins to match her stoneware.

The note may have been handwritten, but it had nothing to do with -me- or with my gift. So, OK, I got one, but it didn't do what a thank-you note is supposed to do. Maybe I'm being picky, but I put some thought into what I picked from her registry, and I gave something else.

So, it's not that I'm thinking horrible things, but it was just a lesson in how to get the best bang for your effort.

Gellchom, that would be less than impressive. (It reminds me a little of the Christmas card I get now from the relative where the signature is just a sticker--she doesn't even both to sign them, let alone write anything personal.)

I do think you are being overly picky. People here gripe all the time about late or absent thank you notes, understandably so. However, this couple sent a thank you note in a timely manner and it was personalized, addressing the specific gift that you gave them. I personally could not care less whether the notes were written by hand or not. Some people have terrible penmanship, and there are other reasons I can think of why someone would prefer to send a typed or printed note. I can imagine that, using this service, they still have to input all the information, the address and the personalized note. The time/thought investment is very similar to what they would put into a handwritten note.

I really don't understand your complaint about the content of the note. What else would they do besides thank you for the specific object you gave them, and express their great liking of it??? I don't think there is any contradiction or irony because of your having selected it from their registry. People still gravitate to the kind of gift they would like to give the couple, and I myself still associate things from my registry with the people that gave them to me, and think of them when I use them. The fact that they listed them on a registry does not diminish their delight in receiving them from you.

I think it's weird to say, "We really love the wineglasses!" when the recipient registered for them. There's a logic problem.

If I, the giver, had picked out a vase using -my- judgment, it would be logical to compliment the glasses, bcs then you're complimenting my taste. "You picked well! I love them too."

But when the recipient picked the glasses out, well, of course you love how they look, because you chose them. It's sort of illogical to compliment me on my taste, becasue it wasn't my taste. I wasn't involved in choosing them beyond picking them to buy. If the recipient said, "we're glad to get these, because we know they're the useful ones from our list," well, logically I'm involved in choosing them over the water goblets. Or if you said, "we're looking forward to the dinner parties we'll use them at," then I get to say, "oh, I helped you have fancy dinner parties because now you have wine glasses to be fancy with"--my giving them to you made the dinner parties more enjoyable, and I -was- involved with that, bcs I didn't have to give you wine glasses.

Or, more to your point, specifically, if she'd said, "We'll think of you when you use them," well, great! because I was involved in giving them, and it's logical. But to say, "The glasses you gave us are so lovely!" is weird when I gave you the very glasses -you- picked out and put on your registry (presumably because you already thought they were lovely).

Her grandmother gave her a large check in the $5 figure range and received this. Not even a phone call nothing hand written. She has not given her niece a gift since.

Yeah, way too many people forget that the thank-you note is a tremendous public-relations opportunity.

My kids write thank-you notes for the cash gifts relatives give them at Christmas and Easter. Suddenly they were getting Fourth of July and Halloween envelopes, too. My DD said, "What, do they think we're a correspondence vending machine? Insert money, get thank-you note in the mail?"

I said, "Yes." There's a cause and effect.

If you get a really nice bridal-shower thank-you note, w/ detail and personal attention, are you more likely to spend $75 for the baby shower instead of your normal $50? I think so. I know it's true of me!

For me, the worst offence in a TY is they don't specifically mention the gift. When they don't mention it, it shows they either don't know or remember who gave what and they didn't take the time to learn who gave what gift. It is so generic just to say 'the gift'. If I got one of those send out cards that actually mentioned the gift, I would be happy. But, I agree, the pre-printed no effort cards are really rude and unfortunately, more common these days.

Frankly, I think its obnoxious to be precious about the form of the TY you received. People who don't care don't send them at all. I might form opinions on whether the style of note was to my particular taste, but I always assume the content was genuinely meant.

I think a form letter is only a half-step up from none at all. I completely understand preferring to type rather than hand-write for legibility reasons, or due to a disability (ours got done in batches in part due to my carpal tunnel syndrome), but at least take a moment to sign it yourself if you're able! Just sending a list or spreadsheet off to a service requires little to no thought and not even much effort - especially if you've already got many/most of the addresses typed up from doing invitations.

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