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Hey! What’s wrong with you…?

April 2, 2007

Jordan and Peter Andre, Preston and Chantelle, Jack and Kim Ryder… Couples who (at one stage or another) have had their relationship questioned by many as being a publicity stunt. Quite refreshing then that Vanessa Feltz’s fiancée as good as admitted that he was with her because of her fame (although surely there are er… more attractive ways of going about getting famous?)

Last night’s new series of Wife Swap kicked off with the usual celebrity special (in my opinion the only good thing left of the series). Paul Daniels and The Lovely Debbie McGee™ swapped with Feltz and her ‘pop star’ boyfriend Ben Ofoedu (he of Phats and Small hit Turn Around fame). Hardly wife swapping then, as the latter couple have only been together a matter of months.

The hero of the piece had to be The Lovely Debbie McGee™ who took on her role as a radio presenter with gusto – OK, so she was utterly crap, but at least she gave it a go and put all her enthusiasm into it. Which is more than can be said for her hubbie who was so disinterested in the whole experience I wondered why he’d agreed to do it. He doesn’t care for fame, doesn’t want the world of celebrity, was disinterested in having Feltz (who’s “carrying too much weight as he kindly put it – as if she can just put it down like some bags of shopping) in his house and didn’t bother to get to know her. No wonder she was insulted.

Feltz herself is an embarrassment. She’s the epitome of mutton dressed as lamb, a real-life Miss Piggy, who needs to realise her age (and size) and dress accordingly. She might be in the first flush of love but I do feel sorry for her as it’s quite apparent that she’s being taken for a ride. At the end she had one arm around her (very mature) daughter and the other around Ben and it looked like a mother with her children. I’m all for different aged couples and that (Mr Badger is a good six years older than me) but my issue is more with his maturity than his age. He clearly did very little around the house to help – almost punching the air and expecting a full-on tika tape parade when he changed a light bulb.

The Lovely Debbie McGee™ challenged Ben on a lot of this, my fave being when she asked him why he was watching TV with his sunglasses on. His reply? “Well, I’m a musician and this is what we do.” Tosser.

When you think about it, the whole thing was panto telly. The hero was The Lovely Debbie McGee™, the villain the lazy Ben and the pantomime dame, Feltz. Which leaves Paul as er… Buttons.

Daniels is, I feel, only bitter about fame as he doesn’t have the same levels of it as he used to do. Vanessa is a smart woman who has let herself be dumbed down by the need to appear on television. And when will she learn that being over 40 and dressing like a child is a poor idea?

Not one likeable person on this I’m afriad. I only watch Wife Swap when it’s a ‘celeb’ special anyway. Daniels says that his life’s better since he left telly and he wouldn’t want to go back. Yeah, right – if the controller of BBC1 or ITV rang him tomorrow and offered him a 50 minute Saturday night show, would he turn it down?

Feltz likes to intimidate people with her breasts. There’s a bar in this town and the main clientele seem to be women like Feltz. Why can’t some people accept that they’re getting older? I’m not saying stay in and be bored, but really, I’d run a mile from a twenty year-old dressed like her, let alone a woman in her mid 40s.

And that bloke from Phats and Small’s quite obviously along for the ride; like he’s ever going to have another hit. His career’s reduced to nightclub appearances in Watford. He should pack it in and get Vanessa’s tea ready for her.

McGee wanted Ben to do more while being completely subservient to her husband herself. How old do you think she is?