There are a lot of people out there that think damn near all creepypasta sucks. Even though I’m a fan, it can get frustrating trying to defend a passion of mine when even I find it difficult to discover a tale that can actually send chills up my spine.

So what is the deal anyway? Have you ever wondered why it can take hours to sift through terrible pastas just to find a single gem? Let me break it down for you! Here are three main reasons why there’s a lot of bad creepypasta:

Many authors are amateur writers

Pretty simple, right? A creepypasta writer can be anyone with a word processor and an internet connection. So it’s likely that they come from all walks of life, especially young people with a lot of time on their hands but no experience to back it up. You also have to realize that Pasta writers don’t get paid for their work, people that actually write for a living won’t be found writing their own creepypasta. They’re working on projects that will earn them income. You’re not going to see a lot of professional writers contributing unless they’re looking for some publicity. There’s nothing inherently wrong with being inexperienced, but it is a contributing factor to consider.

Then there are the writers that can’t even spell or use grammar correctly, much less proper characterization, tone, or themes. I’ll never understand why one would embarrass themselves by revealing their lack of education or waste their time making such poor contributions.

Fortunately, there are a lot of great websites that offer support for writers that want to take the time to improve themselves. The Creepypasta Wiki has a great page to help people get started, and the Creepypasta Network has a nice community if you’re looking for feedback on your work.

Some are just attention seekers

Ever notice how people write sequels or offshoots of popular creepypastas? Or maybe beat well-known subgenres like haunted videogames and lost TV episodes of beloved cartoons into the ground? These writers are only following popular trends to get more readers. Often authors of such works are just seeking praise or to have their story read by a well known narrator. They could also be a troll making ridiculous pastas just to get a reaction from their audience. Whatever the case may be, these guys get old pretty quickly.

The great thing about attention seekers is they are seldom successful. At least in the case of writing – just ask any aspiring novelist or poet. A writer has to love the craft in order to find any kind of success, not to mention possess the patience of a saint. Attention seekers that don’t find what they’re looking for will quickly move on to something else.

Attention seekers should also realize their hope to write creepypasta and get attention is about as original as their story ideas. The Creepypasta Wiki doesn’t even accept character spinoffs/sequels, or lost TV/videogames anymore. Not sure what the Creepypasta Network’s policy may be, but I imagine the community there isn’t very open to more of the same.

Here’s some advice to anyone out there who actually wants to try following these trends: go big or go home. Yes, it can be hard to add a new twist to a character or genre, but do you really want to be the author of ‘Generic Videogame Creepypasta #1389?’ I doubt it. Nobody is going to respect you or your work if you don’t bring something new or interesting to the table.

They don’t know how to scare readers

This may go hand-in- hand with the poor writing skills, but what’s a creepypasta that isn’t actually creepy or scary in any way? Lame and pointless, of course! Any creepypasta writer worth their words knows that scaring readers is harder than it looks.

Some people shoot themselves in the foot before they even sit down to write. A person may think a simple hack and slash serial killer or describing every gory detail as ‘hyper-realistic’ is enough to scare people. I’ve got some groundbreaking news here: this stuff isn’t scary!

Violence, gore, and death can all be gross and upsetting subjects, but many people fail to realize that they’re seldom scary on their own. There are deeper reasons why monsters, people, places, and all manner of things can invoke fear.

Take for example ambiguity. Ambiguity can be scary because it catches us off guard and we have no way to properly respond. Is that guy really following me or is he just minding his own business? Is that clown just trying to entertain or does he have more sinister intentions? The unknown is a scary thing for us to consider because we never know if we’re being paranoid or in real danger.

My advice? Ask yourself this question: what do you find scary and why? You can start simple with animals or people- think spiders or that weird old lady down the street. What is it about them that scares you? My sister has a mild case of arachnophobia, not because spiders can be dangerous, but because of their soulless, dead eyes and instincts.

Then you can delve into more complex ideas and scenarios that terrify you the most. For example I really hate the idea of being watched. When I was first acquainted with Slenderman, I had a really hard time looking out of windows at night because I was afraid I would find him standing outside watching me, but it goes far beyond that! It goes into real-life problems!

Like many people out there, I also don’t like being the center of attention – especially negative attention. There’s nothing more terrifying to me than the idea that I’m pitiful, or hated. I’d rather stick to the shadows or be a wallflower than make a fool out of myself.

So what do you think? Are there any annoying trends in creepypasta you want to discuss or try to improve? I’d love to hear some thoughts.

I must admit I’ve never been a frequent visitor of Reddit or any of it’s subsequent boards, but lately I’ve been following it with a passion. It’s so effective I sometimes have to take breaks in my browsing. Anyway, I thought I could share some of my favorite, recent discoveries in my exploration. Have fun!

Well, this should be an interesting change of pace! Rather than just letting a classic creepypasta scare us all, we’re going to look a little more closely at its contents. For our first foray into creepypasta discussion, we’ll be looking at Funnymouth by Slimebeast. If you haven’t already, or just want to refresh your memory, you can read the original story here. I suggest that you do; it’s not a long story and it’s going to make this critique much easier to understand.

Every reasonable person on the internet has a dislike of internet trolls, but they are an unfortunate, ever-present constant in users’ lives. Despite his paranormal abilities, Funnymouth shares many of the same traits many real-world trolls do. The victim, Lemonlimeskull, is a particularly vulnerable individual because of his contradictory behavior and destructive temper which Funnymouth easily exploits. This tale explores our fears of this breed of bully and how they can affect or change who we are; even converting us to the other side.

Like any troll, Funnymouth uses many different methods to harasses and undermine the efforts of the protagonist. His initial method uses misspelled, grammatically incorrect language to gain attention and mask his true goals. It may seem like nonsense at first, but his words can be understood once the full story is known. Phrases like “i always dont because the dont and theeennnn….i get silly” and “i know u can like it we will have fun a lot of the time” are statements that make sense after the fact. It seems that Funnymouth is often frustrated by his failure to bait other chatroom visitors, while the latter statement foreshadows what will happen to Lemonlimeskull.

Once Funnymouth has attracted the attention of his victim, his tactics escalate quickly. Harassing via email and hacking websites are extreme methods of trollling, but not out of the realm of possibility. Granted, Funnymouth uses supernatural abilities to do all this, but the same could be done by a normal, computer-savvy user. The process continues until his victim reaches their breaking point, becoming-quite literally-putty in his hands.

Surprisingly, the protagonist Lemonlimeskull appears to be just as strange as his nemesis. He often makes statements that contradict facts or actions. He claims that he never has nightmares, yet admits there have been instances where this has occurred. He says he avoids pursuing arguments on the internet, but doesn’t mind jumping into the fray when provoked or pursuing things with Funnymouth. He also appears to have a keen intuition, knowing that he’s taking bait and that he shouldn’t interact with Funnymouth, but he never seems to listen to this inner voice. His inconsistencies seem to hide that he probably has more in common with Funnymouth than he realizes.

At times Lemonlimeskull can even be just as intimidating as Funnymouth, considering his massive temper he unleashes towards the end of the story. The fact that we was willing to partake in such self-destructive behavior and contemplate arson shows how much Funnymouth has managed to get under the protagonist’s skin, and what he’s willing to do when he’s angry.

Boiled down to its essence, Funnymouth is the story of an internet troll creating another troll. He shapes his victims through malicious acts that they then propagate to others. In this instance, Funnymouth easily created another entity like himself, likely because Lemonlimeskull denied his negative qualities and only released them when he was pushed to his limit. There’s a troll in all of us, and it just takes the right circumstances to bring our worse qualities out.

At this time of year when the leaves are falling and the pumpkins are picked, many haunted attractions spring up. I like to visit as many haunted attractions as I can throughout October, but my schedule is so busy with other Halloween activities that I can only make it to one or two on average. The first for me this season was Maris Farms’ Harvest of Terror, which is also the first time I’ve ever paid them a visit.

Some sheep were out and as cute as ever.

With my sister in tow we made our way to quaint and beautiful Buckley close to sunset. Maris Farms also has family-oriented daytime activities like a traditional corn maze and pumpkin patch, but these events are closed in the evening. However, some of it’s remnants were still noticeable. Seems like fun if you’ve got small kids.

I have found the reincarnation of George Washington. He enjoys life as a duck.

Sis made a b-line for the information booth as soon as she laid eyes on it. You see, she used to work on a farm and just loves the places, so naturally she wanted to know more about the history on Maris Farms. Lucky for her, the attendant she talked to was the son-in-law of the farm’s owner, and informed her that the place had once been a simple dairy farm. However as with so many other farms in the area, the original business went under. The current incarnation of the farm began small with the pumpkin patch and the corn maze, then additional family activities in later years, and finally the haunted attractions that exist today.

The evening events consist of the Zombie Safari, The Haunted Woods, and the opportunity to walk through an un-haunted section of the corn maze at night. We took the Zombie Safari and Haunted Woods combo, as the corn maze walk would have cost us extra. The pictures you see here are of our explorations before entering any of the attractions, as flash photography is strictly banned and I didn’t want to risk getting kicked out.

The gates of the safari.

Our first stop was the zombie safari, which is a ride on a converted school bus now outfitted with paintball guns attached to the sides. With a cup of paintballs, you pick your seat, get your gun ready, and shoot zombies out the side of the bus as heavy metal plays. The targets are a mix of ‘live’ zombie targets and mechanical additions. The sets the zombies stumble out of are put together well, and we were given just enough paintballs to get us through the course.

I am proud to say that with no previous paintball experience, I managed to shoot a zombie right in the middle of the forehead! Sis can’t stop talking about how she wants a paintball gun of her own now, so it’s a ringing endorsement from her as well. While the zombie safari is a rather short fifteen minutes, it can serve as a great primer for the longer haunted woods.

Fog rises from inside the haunted woods.

The Haunted Woods is a walk through a haunted portion of the corn maze and wooded areas of Maris Farms with a few small buildings to break things up. While many of the sets were effective, there were points where they felt slightly threadbare and walking through the woods or the cornfield between scares felt a bit too long. This probably didn’t help the walk feel any shorter, as the Haunted Woods take some time to get through – about a half hour give or take. Not only will you get quite a few scares, you’ll have a little exercise as well. Sis was even getting tired by the end of it, so it may be a good idea to bring some water along with you on your journey.

The major problem I had with the the Haunted Woods section was an issue that many haunted attractions are plagued with – controlling crowd movement through the maze. As many of you may know, running into the group of people ahead of you in a haunted maze can spoil the experience. Scary sets or actors lack the necessary shock when the surprise has been revealed five feet ahead of you. I don’t know if the group ahead of us was just slow or had a wimpy member holding them up, but there were several times when Sis and I just stopped and waited for the people ahead to gain a better lead so we could enjoy the maze on our own. Fortunately we managed to slip by them and enjoy our trip with little interruption.

Considering the length and intricacy of both attractions, Maris Farms is definitely worth your time – even if you live as far from it as I do. With a little improvement in crowd control and set design, it could turn into something really amazing. I would give it a 4 on a scale of 5.