Love is Not-love Until… (A Magician I Should Turn To Be) – a slightly revised version of a previous meditation on unrequited love

Love is Not-love Until…

The battles I have fought to have you choose love.
I have mustered the elements in vain.
With swords, wands and wealth,
I hold out the chalice of love to seal our bond.
Yet I cannot enchant your will
To drink its golden promise.

Time after time, we kiss, we embrace, we fear, we part.
Later, we come together again.
Drawn like moths to the flames in one another’s hearts;
Again we kiss, we embrace, we fear…
The dark, a-void between us, too great to span.
I’ve stood close to its edge, too fearful to jump
Into the shadows where lies a monster,
Borne from an age gone by.
Resurrected within us, through childhood memories,
Too dark to look back on, too hurtful to recall.

The monster, from Past, feeds on our fears.
Our karmic pact to slay the beast remains incomplete.
And so the monster returns to Future
Which presents itself to us now.

I have wanted you, as I have wanted no other.
I have attracted you as I have attracted no other
I have repelled you, as I have repelled no other.
And…
I love you, as I have loved no other.

You love me, as you have loved no other.
And still…
We cannot be as one until the beast is slain

In the smoke below, the beast takes form.
In its gut burns anger.
Its throat chokes with fear.
In its head hangs shame
And in its heart festers hurt, a wound that will not heal.

I approach with sword and shield
And the beast is gone.
Again… and it is gone.
Again… and it is gone.
I wait silently.

Into the black I see a face, familiar.
I lay down my weapons of convention.
The billows part to reveal a mirror.
Before me stands Past;
A heavy yolk I have carried all my life.
Childhood grief pierces my heart.
As I lift the yolk to bear its weight,
All conflict unresolved wounds my body.
My mind panics. I want to cast off my mantle
And run away, like so many times before.
Yet I remain still and empty my mind.
I create a circle of light to protect me
And look to the Light within.

I see through Past’s deception;
To rob me of golden Future now,
The present moment eternal.
I stand on the shoreline of unconsciousness
I hear voices but no words of wisdom
I see with no eyes
I feel without touch.
The Light fills my body
The anger calms
The hurt heals
The shame lifts
I shine the light…
Towards the dark door to Future.
At which I hear ‘the knock’.
I am tempted to flee again,
Back from whence I came, to Past,
Who beckons me to turn back from what Future offers
Whilst my innermost fear locks the door tight.
Instead I choose courage.
To become fearless; I turn the lock
To greet the stranger without.

Before me stands an angel.
I bid her welcome.
She dines with me and I with her as…
She reveals the illusion of my fear.
I see all that remains incomplete;
Core beliefs I allow to deceive myself;
False assumptions that ward off love, not danger.
I feel a fool, pathetic.

The angel speaks.

“Acknowledge that Future reveals all that you do not love about yourself,Given to it by Past.Yet Future’s other gift is Present.The gift to complete all that is incomplete.Love is complete. All that is not complete, incomplete, is not Love.Present is now. All that is not now is not present. It is illusion. It is not.And yet you allow what is not to determine your path.Instead choose what you want, ‘success’. Future will bring it to you after you have completed the incomplete; release the fears by which you shield yourself from ‘not-success’.)Venture towards ‘success’ and ‘not-success’ together. Bid Future to bring you your fears. The Journey to Love requires that you release them.Then let go of success and not-success; focus only on the Journey.Practise love, self-love first, and thence for all.Practise compassion, self-compassion first, and thence for all.Practise patience, first with self, then othersPractise completeness, by releasing all fear from self.As your fear of ‘not-success’ dispels then Future presents no more fear.Not-success disappears, leaving only ‘success’.You create success out of the nothingness of no fear.This is how the Ancients practised magic.A warrior is brave, fearless, prepared for battle.A magician is wise, fearlessness, sees through the illusion of fears past; no need for bravery anymore.Your purpose is to shine the Love; the Light that you, complete, are.Trust yourself.Trust the process (and you travel in wisdom)That others cannot see yet.Yet you see, become a seer,Shine the light for others to see, for themselves.”

Our meal complete, the angel leaves.
I ascend from the (a)void and see you close, to its edge.
I make no motion to encourage you my love.
The choice to meet your angel is yours and yours alone.
And I shall love you regardless.

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This review is from: Learn to Love & Be Loved in Return: Making Relationships Last (Paperback)
This is a book about much more than romantic relationships. It is written with wonderful honesty and sincerity about love, the breakdown of relationships and how we relate to one another. It is a book that provides great insights into our own behaviour, as well as how we relate to others. It immensely readable, and I'm finding myself dipping into it over and over again for the many ideas, exercises and insights within its covers. Highly recommended whether you are in a relationship, just starting one, or looking for a relationship that will last.
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