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Friday, September 5, 2014

Jill on Babies and Short Engagements

Why did Jill and Derick Dillard choose to announce Jill's pregnancy to the world when she was only eight weeks along? The mom-to-be was interviewed earlier this week by Page Six, a section of the New York Post, about her views on pregnancy and relationships.

Many couples wait until the second trimester to announce a pregnancy, as the risk of miscarriage is significantly lower after 12 weeks, but Jill and Derick chose to announce earlier.

“Understanding that the majority of miscarriages happen within the first
trimester, and believing that every life is precious no matter how
young, we decided to share our joyful news as soon as we could,” Jill Dillard told Page Six.

Jill also discussed her views on relationships. She and Derick had a three-month engagement and were married only seven months after the start of their courtship, but they said their short timeline was intentional.

“Once we knew we wanted
to get married, we didn’t want to put off the wedding for a long time
and provide a stumbling block for ourselves," Jill told Page Six. "We purposed to save
ourselves physically for each other within marriage (even our first kiss
for our wedding day!), so we had a short engagement period. We knew
that we weren’t going to prevent having children, so when we found out
we were expecting within our first month of marriage, we were thrilled!”

Jill added that a short engagement makes it easier for couples to stay pure.

"If you are financially ready, and things
are in place (which should be at the time the question is popped), we
believe an engagement should only be long enough to plan a wedding!” she told Page Six.

71 comments:

I agree with all Jill's views on courtship, short engagement and getting married. The only thing I am not sure about is whether it is God's will for every couple to leave the size of their family up to God by not ever taking any form of birth control. I think that's a personal thing to be talked through and prayed through. For example, if you had six children and felt you couldn't cope with any more because you were so stretched emotionally and financially already I don't think you would be disobeying God by deciding you had had enough and taking contraception.

I agree with this , its very true. My boyfriend and i have been Courting for 8 months and last weekend he purposed . It was the most amazing thing! We are now holding hands and are saving our first kiss for marriage as my older sister and her husband did! God Bless YOU and your new family. Thank you for your christian example :)

I love the Duggars and have faithfully watched their show for years. I have great respect for a family who has morals and sticks to them no matter what others may think. However when Jill stated that a brief engagement helps couples to stay pure, it blew my mind. I do not believe that she was not ready to get married. But some may read that and think that is a reason to rush down the aisle. I have a close friend who's parents pushed her to get married quickly for the same reason. Later in the marriage she discovered some very unsettling facts about her now husband. She admitted that she should not have made that decision so quickly, but it was still hard to watch as her friend. If that person is truly meant to be with you, they will be well worth the wait. It's better to be safe than sorry. However I do think that Jill will make a wonderful mother and they are quite a beautiful couple.

I think its wonderful, to be honest the couple can do what they want too. It dont matter about what other think. As long as Derick is taking care of them and making the money to do it I feel more power to them and I cant wait to see what the child looks like. Congrats. God bless them and thir little ones

We are HAPPY FOR YOU & WILL CONTINUE TO BE Praying for the many Blessings to come. With the Blood of Jesus Wrapped around you all will be very Blessed. I'm so very Happy for you all with all the new beginnings . We love you all In Jesus Name AMEN. With Our Love the Tilley Family. God Bless

Hi, I was wondering why you guys didn't want to wait a little having children? I mean, isn't spending a little time as man and wife important? Bringing children into a new marriage is really hard when you are getting to know each others habits and quirks. Thank you. Stacy D.

My husband and I were blessed to meet very young. We both knew very quickly that we wanted to be together forever. We met and we're married within 8 months. In my opinion if you need a long time to get to know each other and me engaged then that person is not the one meant for you. I was 19 and he was 20 and we have been married for almost 22 years. We grew up together and are stronger for it. We have three children and couldn't be happier. I wish everyone especially the Duggar clan the same happiness! Such a fan of the family and show! Congrats to Jill and Derrick and Jessa and Ben!

If "things are in place" then why does the question need to be popped? Isn't it a foregone conclusion? In other words, I really do not see any difference between the Duggar idea on "courtship" vs. being engaged. Duggars might argue that courtship is still a "getting to know you" phase that may or may not pan out, but that does not seem to fit with the reality, see, e.g., the Ben and Jessa courtship which, in reality, has just been a long engagement. I am not "confused" by the alleged difference in the two concepts, but they just seem to be opposite sides of the same coin.

It's such a shame that more young people do not have the same standards. You did it all the right way and I commend you for doing so, I pray for blessings for your marriage, a safe healthy pregnancy and a precious first child God bless you both.

@BeYourself, I agree, I think it's something like:What most people call "dating" Duggars call "getting to know you," what most people call "engagement," Duggars call "courtship," and what most people call/think of as "actively planning the wedding," Duggars call "engagement." Same thing, just different terminology I guess (and to be fair, when I think of it that way, a 2-3 month "engagement" seems less shocking--though personally I had a nine month engagement and practically had a nervous breakdown over how rushed and behind I felt with the planning. If I ever get married again, I am giving myself at LEAST a year to plan...but I'm sure it's easier if you're famous! I doubt their preferred vendors would turn them down because they're booked.)

They may have only had a short engagement, but they knew each other over the phone, emails, video chats, etc. It's not like she didn't know what kind of man Derrick was. I think it was wonderful that he was a prayer partner with her father, that way, Jim Bob knew what kind of man Derrick was long before he actually came for permission to start courtship. I knew when they met and started courting, especially long distance, that the engagement would be quick. So what? So what if they announced their baby news soon. I agree, why keep it quiet? It's a joyful occasion and as much in love as they really are, why not start a family soon? As far as the home space is concerned, while they are living in that home, they can be saving for a down payment on a home of their own. Being an accountant, it won't be long until they get a really nice amount saved. With the down to earth standards and frugal lifestyle she learned from her parents, I'm sure they are quite prepared for baby....Besides the hand me downs from her mother....and gifts she'll be getting from friends and family with a baby shower....

If you know you have met the right person, then time really does not matter. I think it's ironic that the Duggars get so many negative comments about a short engagement and saving the first kiss when there are teens who get pregnant with someone they just met, or people who think that it's important to have various partners before marriage. Honeymoon babies are nothing new.

Anonymous: waiting for childrenIt is important to know your spouse before walking down the aisle. It's true that adjusting to living together isn't easy; early marriage highlights our selfish tendencies! Lol. However, children highlight them even more! If we are to live for God and not ourselves, we need to be sanctified (daily), and He has provided two wonderful means of doing this: marriage and children. My husband and I got pregnant 3 weeks into our marriage. We were thrilled! But it was also a VERY hard season. We fought a lot. Mostly about our own selfish desires! When our daughter came along all of the sudden those things that were such a big deal, weren't anymore. Not only were we accountable to the Lord for our attitudes, but now we were setting a very important example to our little one about Who Jesus Christ really is. God knew what we needed to shake us out of ourselves. Now I'm not saying this is every couple, or that children themselves fix anything. What I'm saying is that God's timing to bring children into our lives is PERFECT. I'm also saying that marriage isn't the end all. It wasn't designed to be. It's not just about my hubby and I spending time together. It's about Christ. I commend Derrick and Jill for surrendering their marriage and family to God's sovereignty. I know they will be blessed :-)

I love you all Jill u and Derick are precious and i love it how you both saveed youselfes However i dont think there's nothing wrong with holding hand kissing during a courtship/ reationship but everyday is unique and different God bless u both and congrts on your marriage and new baby!!!:-)

I have watched and admired your family and their standards for quite some time, but I have to admit I was a little shocked that they were engaged after knowing each other for only 4 months esp. since 3 of the months they had seen each other only once - so truly, make it 1 month and a half. We all have texted and talked on the phone with someone we felt we knew and loved only to be shocked later on... It seems the second courtship began, that was the main goal (instead of getting to know each other) and finding out now that they did it so they could be "intimate" with each other faster is a tad upsetting. With those standards, pretty much 75% of "modern society" could very well do what they did and be pure on their wedding day.

I know so many people who keep pure for longer than that... It seems once you really know each other well & love each other dearly, it is even more special. I hope the best for them & that they truly are a match made in heaven. From what we've seen, he seems like an amazing guy. I do hope however that none of the others take this as an example ...

They are both adults..if they wanted to marry to be intimate that is their choice. The key word here is MARRIED. I think they waited long enough, she is 23 and he is 25. When you love each other and are attracted to each other, then why wait to get married? They knew they were meant for each other. It's not like this is some fling. She knew he was the one she wanted to be the father of her children. They have such morals, I really admire these people. At least they're not like a lot of young people, going from one person to the next. I can't believe anyone would criticize THEIR decision to marry. It is THEIR life!

I have to agree with Anonymous #15. In my mind I wondered if that was a reason for their fast relationship, as they ARE human... but it shouldn't be a huge factor in rushing. If you try to please the Lord in all you do, worrying about the physical part shouldn't be that hard. It's not like she'd been dating her whole life and couldn't wait anymore. It was her first relationship. Why is it that hard to hold out for something you can't even miss? Even if they felt that way, it may not have been wise to disclose it, and I'm shocked by how many people think that's wise. I also wondered about their future considering how quickly it all went along. I'm positive but also realistic.

@Anonymous #34: You seem to have a lot of questions about criticism.So what if they announced their baby news soon, why keep it quiet?1. It's best to make sure the chances of a healthy pregnancy are higher as miscarriage is much more likely to occur this soon.2. THEY ARE FAMOUS. As if people wouldn't be prying into their lives as newlyweds, blurting about expecting just makes some people all the more nosy.

Why not start a family soon? They JUST got married. I respect their decision to let conception happen naturally without interfering, but in reality (like several people mentioned above) starting a new home and LIVING WITH someone is challenging enough, doing that while preparing for a baby and actually having a newborn makes it unnecessarily difficult and draining.

I wonder if Jessa and Ben will have children right away? They claim they don't want a large family like the Duggers have....but how can they prevent this if they don't use birth control????? just wondering????

The biggest problem in the world today is that people base their love on emotions, rather than on biblical love. More couples need to practice biblical love as it is so simply laid out in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (ESV)

Instead, so many couples are too quick to seek the shortest route out of a marriage when all those good emotions fade and they go through trials in this life. Yes Jill and Derick have had a short courtship and engagement, but they obviously realized, during their first Skype call, that their life goals, values and beliefs were similar enough to pursue a long distance friendship with the intentions of it possibly leading to something so much better!!! It takes time to learn about a persons quirks and sin issues, those things are not revealed overnight, but you can certainly learn a lot about the true personality of a person in a very short period of time. As much as a person tries to be on their absolute best behaviour when getting to know a future potential spouse and the rest of the family, a person cannot hide where their heart really is at. Jill and Derick, and Ben and Jessa have such a bright future together. Only God knows the plan that He has for their lives, but He blesses those who are truly faithful to Him!

I do wish Derrick, Jill and the baby well, however I am concerned that they moved close to the Duggars. Derrick is properly educated with a good job. I had really hoped they would be on their own and out of Duggar control. I am with them on short engagements, though. The longer you wait, the harder it is to stay pure. Though I believe a quick kiss is fine before marriage. I don't think it is normal to hold back genuine, innocent affection from one you love.

I agree with some of you about the fast engagement and marriage, however, I would much rather see this than the ones who met and greet and move in together or have a child out of wedlock and a few weeks down the road move on to another person. No wonder little children have such a hard life.

To the people saying they should have waited to start a family: please understand that no matter what size family you come from, sometimes fertility isn't as simple as you thought it would be. My husband and I began trying on our wedding night and we're not successful until two years later. I know other moms who weren't able to conceive until after SIX years or marriage. Children will happen in God's time, and I believe the Duggar's are a fabulous model for trusting in His plan, rather than trying to control it.

I love the way Jill and the Duggars think. I met and married my husband all in a month and a half. 3 years later we are still together and lucky enough to have a son a year after a miscarriage. Good luck to Jill's new and growing family! And God bless the entire Duggar crew.

Derick and Jill do not live all that close to her parents'. They live very close to his work, which is probably 20 minutes from her parents' house. I am fairly sure they live closer to where he grew up than where she did. Now of course, they could have moved to a whole other state or something, but with his mom's recent sickness and with him having a job there I don't see that as something they would do.

I had never watched 19 Kids and Counting until after marriage and having a baby. My husband and I met through match.com. We therefore already knew the answers to our most important questions by reading each others profiles. We got married 5 months after we met and were expecting within two months. It was Gods timing for us. We did go to premarital counseling. We expressed physical affection during courtship - yes French kissing. But we did not go into a building alone without chaperones. That is the boundary we drew. We were alone a lot outside, driving, and in public places. We thought that was a balanced approach - it takes self control and holds you accountable. Yet love can be expressed through touch without it crossing the line to impurity.

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Welcome to the premiere source for factual, encouraging updates on Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar and their 19 kids (TLC's 19 Kids and Counting & Counting On). Our site is not maintained by the Duggars, but we (Lily and Ellie) are personal friends of the family.