Hostage Negotiator Shares Tips on Getting What You Want in Reddit AMA

“Everything we’ve previously been taught about negotiation is wrong,” Chris Voss counsels Reddit users. “[C]ompromise is the worst thing you can do …”

The former “lead international kidnapping negotiator” for the FBI has made a second career translating his negotiation skills from a hostage scenario to more pedestrian circumstances.

In 2012, Voss showed just how far his hostage skills could extend into everyday life in a notable, humorous cameo on NPR’s Planet Money—in an episode titled “An FBI Hostage Negotiator Buys a Car.” More recently, he released a business-oriented guide to tactful communications called Never Split the Difference, which he hopes will “give the reader the competitive edge in any discussion.”

Last week, Voss stopped by Reddit to take questions from people struggling with difficult negotiations in their lives through an AMA (Ask Me Anything).

“Ask me about how men and women negotiate differently, how to navigate sticky family situations, negotiating as a parent, advice for recent graduates, stories from my time in the FBI,” he writes, “or even how to get past a bouncer into a busy club.”

Redditors submitted over a thousand questions and comments to Voss, and in response, he helped talk them through some tough predicaments. Below are just a few of his top answers.