Tackling loneliness

This article by our CEO Jocelyn Bignold and Board member Dr Anita Morris has been published in the March 2018 edition of 'Parity', the journal of the Council to Homeless Persons.

Recently the UK government surprised many by appointing a Minister for Loneliness. Some laughed, others were cynical, and many were simply bemused. There
was bewilderment and some degree of denial that the issue could have grown to such a proportion and scepticism that the concept of ‘loneliness’ was
something a government could, or should, tackle.

But as an insightful article by Australian Senators Louise Pratt and Andrew Leigh pointed out, creating this unconventional portfolio makes sense. Inequality is rising; the strength
of community is waning, and loneliness is a problem we must tackle together.

Their article struck a chord with me. It resonated with McAuley Community Services’ approach in working with women who have experienced family violence.
We have long recognised that for women who’ve known this physical and emotional trauma to recover, their loneliness and isolation must also be addressed.
New social connections and relationships need to be forged; old ones must be rebuilt.

Of all the pernicious effects of family violence, loneliness is one of the most under-acknowledged and damaging. There is loneliness coming from a sense
that no-one will understand ‘why you’re putting up with it’; in feeling unable to share your story without judgment, incredulity or blame. There is
a corrosive sense of being apart from other apparently successful and harmonious ‘picture perfect’ families; of being judged if you have been unable
to protect your children from harm. And deliberate manufacturing of loneliness is a frequent strategy of perpetrators, who consciously use isolation
from friends, families and neighbours to increase their power and control; it is a form of violence in itself.

In 2016-2017 186 women and 204 children needed McAuley’s safe house and refuges, leaving behind homes, friends and families; schools and classmates;, pets,
toys, clothing and possessions. These are experiences that, in themselves, bring about an acute sense of aloneness, disconnection and disruption.

A woman coming into our family violence crisis service (the first 24/7
service to operate in Victoria) needs practical, immediate support, often as basic as the need for clothing and nappies for her children. Health, financial
and legal issues need urgent attention too. But we know for her longer-term recovery, she needs more than a temporary safe haven: she needs a continuum
of individualised and open-ended, wrap-around support and connection to community.

This is one of our unique points of difference. Because there are well-known inter-connections between violence and trauma, mental illness, and homelessness,
we build early intervention and prevention into everything we do. We aim to equip a woman with life skills, employment, housing and ongoing social
networks, providing a safety net long beyond her direct engagement with our service.

In her first contact with us, this may seem far away; indeed, part of a woman’s healing may be the simple offering of a cup of tea and chance to talk,
to be listened to and believed. It may be an enormously significant step for her, just to have the chance to sleep or shower for the first time in
a long while, without fear for herself or her children.

The children who come into our safe house also need comfort, routine and familiarity. They might arrive, confused and bewildered, in the middle of the
night — a time when most children are tucked up in bed, secure and safe. In contrast, the children coming to McAuley have experienced and witnessed
trauma, and need the reassurance of being close to their mum. Settling back into the daily ebb and flow of eating, playing and sleeping are important
steps in providing a calmer, more predictable environment.

Knowing that their own pain and trauma is different to their mothers, we begin providing direct support to children as victims in their own right. Their experiences are given space, acknowledged and addressed. We have a playroom with a specialist children’s worker,
and through art activities, play and conversation, the child’s feelings about what has happened in their family can be explored. Sharing them with
other children, as they play alongside each other, also helps them realise they are not alone.It may be that one can identify with the experience of
another, asking: ‘Did your dad do that to your mum? Mine did too.’ The children’s worker can offer quiet reassurance to help them realise these dreadful
experiences are not their fault: important steps in breaking the too frequent pattern of family violence recurring across generations.

Frequently, the child’s bond with his or her mother has been deliberately targeted and undermined by the perpetrator, a particularly damaging form of family
violence. As Professor Cathy Humphreys points out it includes: “coercing children to insult their mothers, undermining the woman’s mothering through criticism and actions…ensuring that women
are ‘punished’ for spending time with children particularly if it takes attention away from the man’s needs”. Humphreys also cites research showing that in more than two-third of cases, mothers and children do not speak about the family violence. For this reason,
we also focus on strengthening the mother-child bond, rebuilding a mother’s self-esteem and confidence in her parenting, and encouraging mother and
child to communicate about those experiences both may be afraid to broach.

Women and children generally stay an average of seven nights in our safe house before moving onto refuges, transitional housing, or – less frequently –
home, but that is not the end of their connection with us. Recently additional funding for outreach case management and flexible support packages,
has meant we can support more women for longer. Most importantly, they can access our McAuley House, purpose – built accommodation for women who are
homeless. This was designed as a community hub, not simply a shelter, and is available to all women who have used our services.

A woman can continue to regain health, skills, social connection and economic independence through McAuley House. She might drop in to a Monday morning
legal clinic, offered by WestJustice Community Legal Centre, and get advice on the tangle of legal problems that often trail along in the wake of family
violence. She might take part in our welcoming, informal Wednesday community lunches. She may connect with our Skills for Life program, learning to
shop on a tight budget and the basics of healthy cooking, or take part in yoga sessions or wellbeing sessions provided by volunteers.

She may join our employment support program, McAuley Works, getting
personalised assistance and one-on-one coaching to join the workforce. In its first year this program has already achieved exciting outcomes in helping
women, 88% of whom have experienced family violence. Getting a job for these women can be life-changing. Recently we saw this at first hand when McAuley
Works supported a young mother, ‘Amber’, who had left school in year eight. At 24 she had already experienced a life she described as ‘chaotic’ – marked
by a violent relationship, struggles with addiction, and a battle to manage as a single mum to two children, including one with special needs. Her
delight and pride now that she has secured a job go well beyond her new financial independence; she glows as she describes now feeling she is a ‘role
model’ to her children, talks about the friendships she has formed as she and her workmates joke around, and is thrilled to know that her work ethic
and attitude are so valued by her employer that she is the first one called for extra shifts.

‘Amber’s story exemplifies
what we mean when we use concepts like ‘holistic, inclusive and integrated’ to describe our approach. Amber has been able to remove herself from a
situation of family violence; now she has new social connections, an enhanced sense of self and identity, and a new story to counter one of her as
a ‘victim’ of family violence. She is building strengths which will help her to withstand further challenges that her life may very well throw up;
her children are seeing a mother who is flourishing, in her own words more patient and present with them. The chances are much better that Amber’s
children will be able to avoid a cycle of poverty and disadvantage.

Another core element of our approach which continues the theme of connectedness and inclusion is the development of a comprehensive ‘safe at home’ system.
In the past the onus has been on women experiencing violence, not perpetrators, to leave behind their homes and communities. This is at a time when
networks and friendships are even more crucial, not to mention the consequences for children of disrupted education and the upheaval of constantly
changing schools. While there are real barriers facing women’s rights to return safely home, given the high numbers of perpetrators who breach intervention
orders, the number of women using our services who have returned home safely has increased from just three to nine per cent in the last 12 months,
mainly due to Victorian Government investment into additional case management and flexible support packages.

Achieving higher rates will depend on a raft of change including the ability of the policing and legal system to hold perpetrators to account swiftly and
consistently. But perhaps more importantly it requires a cultural shift within the community to stop hiding women and children away for their own safety,
and for community conversations that ask the question: ‘Why doesn’t he leave?’ rather than ‘How come she stays?’

More information

The March 2018 edition of Parity magazine: 'The future of women's refuges' is available here.

Image above is from the book Smarty Pants, Kitty or Tiger? which features artwork and stories from women and children who stayed in our family violence crisis service. It can be ordered here.

McAuley Community Services for Women advocates for change to ensure justice and equality for women and their children

About Us

McAuley Community Services for Women advocates for change to ensure justice and equality for women and their children.

McAuley's Future 'Strengthened'

Sr Kath Tierney was Congregational Leader in 2008 when the Sisters of Mercy decided to amalgamate Mercy Care and Regina Coeli, to form McAuley Community Services for Women. Today, as Treasurer of McAuley’s Board Kath is instrumental in the ongoing development of the specialist service. Read more

McAuley Community Services for Women is building a future from the founding spirit of Catherine McAuley and the Sisters of Mercy.

In 2016-2017, 742 women and children were directly supported through McAuley Programs. Read more about our work in our Annual Report.

Sisters of Mercy Take A Chance

Six years ago the Sisters of Mercy took a risk. It was considered and planned, but a risk nonetheless. They decided to bring together Regina Coeli and Mercy Care to establish McAuley Community Services for Women. Regina Coeli became McAuley House and Mercy Care became McAuley Care. Read more

Mission and Values

In 2016-2017 we supported 742 women and their children to rebuild their lives and have safer, brighter futures. You can read more about our work in
our Annual Report.

McAuley Community Services for Women is committed to advocate for a better, safer and just society.

We are accredited through Quality Improvement and Community Services Accreditation in Victoria, most recently in 2015.

Our Voice Must Be Heard

Our CEO Jocelyn Bignold reviews our achievements in 2016-2017 and highlights that there is still much more to do. Read more

About Us

McAuley Community Services for Women advocates for change to ensure justice and equality for women and their children.

Pebbles Proves Pets are Great Therapy

Pebbles, a border terrier with big fluffy ears, knows all about being loved and hugged, thanks to a special partnership between Lort Smith Animal Hospital and McAuley House. Read more

Partnerships

McAuley Community Services for Women advocates for change to ensure justice and equality for women and their children.

Careers

People who work with us make a big difference to the lives of women who've experienced family violence and homelessness. Read about some of our staff: