Sasha Answers: Holiday gathering guest list

Hi- I am trying to figure out if it’s too rude to exclude certain guests from my Xmas family gathering.

My brother is divorced and has a young daughter. He and I are not that close and he can be dry and sort of obnoxious at times. He has a girlfriend. She is nice enough. His girlfriend has young adult children. Last year when I invited my brother and his girlfriend to Xmas eve, at my house- the girlfriend invited her daughter who I met that day. And the daughter invited her boyfriend. I didn't say no to her coming for Xmas dinner bc I wasn't even given a chance.

So this year my brother wants to hang again. I don’t want to host his extended "family". Is there a tactful way to handle this?

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I want to have your back on this, I really do, but I can’t. Anything I could suggest as tactful in this instance could just come off as tacky.

I’ve been brought up to think that it's really the more the merrier over the holidays. My mom has always drilled it into my head that no one should ever be left alone or excluded. Now, of course this rule doesn’t apply to disrespectful and/or annoying a-holes, but from what you’ve told me R, this doesn’t seem to be the case. All that seems to be happening is that there are a couple of extra teenagers at the dinner table. So what’s the big deal?

And while I’m being upfront, I also think you might want to reassess the vibe you’re giving off, because it doesn’t sound too festive. Sure, your bro might not be your best bud, but the fact that he wants to spend some time with you is really sweet and honestly what the holidays are all about.

So pull out a few extra chairs, make a bit more stuffing, and crack a smile. Happy Holidays!