Friday 27 May 2011 19.01 EDT
First published on Friday 27 May 2011 19.01 EDT

It's no secret. Older bloke nobbles younger bloke and narrates his three decades of career triumphs. That is exactly what it isn't. Mentoring is, says Romy Thorpe, director of service, enterprise, at Cable and Wireless Worldwide, "finding the itch you want to scratch" then finding the right person to help you, er, scratch it.

A spot of Nivea would do it quicker. Don't be facetious. I'm trying to say that mentoring is not all about someone telling you what to do. It's about helping you draw out the skills to rise to challenges by yourself, taking you, as Thorpe says, on a journey of self discovery. Remember Homer? The goddess Athena, in disguise as Odysseus's old friend Mentor, inspires the hero to find the necessary courage during his Trojan battles and encourages his son to go forth and seek news of his father.

It's all Greek to me ... you're trivialising a serious issue. Do you realise that mentoring sponsorship is one of the key strategies identified to help get more women into senior posts, according to Karen Gill, co-founder of the business women's network Everywoman. Bigger companies, such as Cable & Wireless, have their own structured mentoring schemes to help new employees find their feet and established ones to identify their career goals. They've been found to work wonders for corporate morale.

You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours? That's enough about itching. Yes, the relationship between mentor and protégé can be mutually beneficial. In helping their protégé find the answers the mentor might find a few new perspectives themselves, but even corporate souls can be selfless, you know. The mentor is there to listen and encourage. They should question rather than advise, probe facts and feelings, challenge the mentee to recognise alternative approaches, inspire them to build on their successes, help them identify their goals and encourage them to stick to them.

A selfless friend? Sign me up. It's not as simple as that. You need to know what you want from a mentor and what your own role is before you start seeking the right person, says Gill. Is it a single issue you're struggling with or are you a lost soul adrift on a corporate sea? Do you need a weekly get-together to keep you focused or would a chinwag down the pub do the trick?

A pint always goes down well, but how would I find anyone to sink it with me? Look about you. Who do you admire at work? OK, OK, I know what you're going to say. It often works well to have someone experienced from outside the office to give you a fresh perspective. Thorpe, herself a mentor and mentee, recommends LinkedIn or similar business forum for identifying possible candidates in the same field. "I've been approached by at least 10 people I've never met who've found me through LinkedIn contacts and want me to mentor them," she says.

Why would a complete stranger want to listen to me? They might not, but others would so long as you were clear what you hope to receive from them. Tell them you admire their achievements and would like to benefit from their experience. "It can be embarrassing to ask the favour," says Thorpe, "but I can guarantee that people get a buzz from being asked to help others."

And then? You both work out your objectives and time frames. If you want a more formal structure, fix up a regular slot for contact – whether over that pint or by phone or email – when you can both review progress. But it needn't be that rigid. An occasional discussion of itchy – sorry, it's on the brain – topics with an esteemed colleague after work might provide the impetus you need. As Gill optimistically says, "the mind that's got the problem is the mind that's got the solution." You just need someone to help you see it.