Thursday, September 05, 2013

Gordon Lightfoot " If You Could Read My Mind" - Lyrics

Wednesday, September 04, 2013

Miley Cyrus accused her twerking VMA critics of over-thinking her act. Yeah, 'cause when I think of Miley Cyrus, I think of over-thinking. Being accused by Miley Cyrus of over-thinking is like Donald Trump telling you to fix your hair.Two men were arrested for trying to steal the ivy off the walls of Wrigley Field; they were charged with leafing the scene of a crime. (Sorry)

Tuesday, September 03, 2013

She wasn’t much good at saying goodbye, but, that girl could
sing, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

*This is a tough time for NFL training camps. They have to cut
down from 75 players to 53 by Saturday. Of course a lot of those players will
just get arrested so that will make it easier.

*The NFL settled its concussion lawsuit by ex-players for $765
Mil. Asked to comment, former NFL player Terry Bradshaw said; “It’s about time
they, oh my word, a blue car. I like monkeys.”

*Fast food workers are on strike. Apparently, at Burger King, the
last straw was when they weren’t paid extra to put those four French fries on
the French Fry Burger.

*It’s the time of year for Fantasy Football drafts. Fantasy
players devote so much time to their teams, they have to bid goodbye to their
imaginary girlfriends.

*This is a tough time for NFL training camps. They have to cut
down from 75 players to 53 by Saturday. So on Saturday, there will be 704 more
NFL players on the street. Or as the police call that: a crime wave.

*North Korean dictator, Kim Jong Un, had an ex-girlfriend
executed. Kim Jong Un looks like a circus midget who just ate an entire roasted
pig. The last thing he needs is for women to have another reason not to date
him.

Lex’s Random Thoughts

The new go-to move for A-Hole drivers? Tailgating. It provides
no benefit to the tailgater and causes potentially deathly dangers to the one
getting tailgated. If you are a tailgater, you’re the driving equivalent of a
terrorist /child-molester.

Alabama coach, Nick Saban, while appearing to be a perfectly
nice guy, may be the devil; did you seriously expect horns and a red spikey
tail? No, he would be a man of success and influence.

Cooking shows and cooking contests are the new porn.

“HIMYM” Cobie Smulders? Incredibly hot, or geeky, tom-boy dork?

Think I am starting to like the
aging/injured-now-we-know-what-a-giant-A-hole-he-really-is Tiger Woods more
than the phony old “We know he’s intense, but he wins all the time, but I bet
he is a great guy” Tiger Woods. A known a-hole is better than a phony
hypocrite.

Our Puppy, Wally, is so cute he makes my uterus hurt. Cuddling
with Wally has become a physical and emotional need.

Thinking about having my Man Cave declared a holy sanctuary.

Would someone please explain to me how I was able to live
without Netflix, because I can’t.

If Kim Jong Un became involved in New York Real Estate, he would
be the second biggest pr*ck in New York Real Estate. Maybe even third.

The goofy, bearded, McConaughey-talking director in the Jack in
the Box chicken sandwich commercials? Do I despise him, or like him?

Can’t understand the Skyler haters in “Breaking Bad.”

That Navy commercial where they say 80% of people live near
water and 90% of products are shipped over water. Oh yeah? Well 100% of surfing
is done on water. You’re welcome.

The other day, I forgot something as I was forgetting it. Went
to the store to buy hamburger slider buns, decided to make hamburgers instead,
as I had that thought, I picked up the slider buns.

Jennifer Lawrence is so adorable, its like if you could combine a hot babe with a cute puppy.I'm a firm believer in knocking out two problems at the same time; we have an epidemic of obesity and heart disease, and we have an energy crisis. Why not invent an elliptical machine that generates power like a solar panel you can access? It wouldn't be much power, but it would give a lot of people motivation they didn't have to get off their ass and exercise for an hour.

Here is my ultimate final leader board:

Sergio Garcia (‘Cause he hasn’t won one in a while and it would
piss off Tiger)

Phil Mickelson (Would also piss off Tiger)

Tiger (Don’t ask, it’s a love-hate bromance)

Kuchar

The Dufinator

Ricky Fowler

Ben Crane

Ernie Els

Luke Donald

Adam Scott

Bubba Watson (Bubba is barely in there and hanging down because he has not been nearly as much fun as I thought he would be) In 1926, it was believed a woman could never cross the 23-mile English Channel until US's Gertrude Ederle not only did it, but set the record for men and women. This weekend, a 64-year-old woman, Diane Nyad, swam 110 miles of shark infested water from Cuba to Florida, the first person to do it. As late as the 70's it was believed, due to water temperature, sharks and currents, it was impossible to swim from Alcatraz to San Francisco. Now thousands do it every year in a triathlon. Wetsuits, strong swimmers and the fact the sharks are not the maneating kind proved it was possible.