the official newspaper
of the Paterson Diocese, was established in 1967. It is published
every Thursday, 52 times a year and is mailed to more than 32,000
paid subscribers in Passaic, Morris and Sussex Counties.

True Love
Waits

CONVENT STATION — Chastity is worth practicing. That’s the message that
the “True Love Waits” program conveys to youths to empower and influence
them save sex for marriage. It will also be the central message at a
workshop for priests, youth ministers and anyone who works with youths
sched­uled to be held from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 26 in
Henderson Hall at the College of St. Elizabeth here. The event will be
sponsored by the N.J. Coalition for Abstinence Education and Lifenet.

The chastity message is countercultural and kids love to be
countercultural,” said Christine Flaherty, director of public education at
Lifenet. ‘They see what happened to the ‘Free Sex’ generation — divorces,
STDs (sexually transmitted diseases), teen pregnancy and abortion. They
learn that actions have consequences."

The True Love Waits program, which is geared toward adolescents and
youths, consists of five sessions: “Family, Marriage and Sex;” “STDs;”
“Life is Pre­cious;” “Understanding the Dangers of Pornography;” and
“Making a Purity Decision and Standing Firm.”

Each session involves discussion, worksheets and videos to impart the
message that true love waits for marriage.

The first session — Family, Marriage and Sex — explores attaining life
goals, consequences of sex outside marriage, what God says about sex and
concepts of secondary virginity and renewed purity.

“We have to make young people understand that sex is something that is
special and has love evolving and revolving out of it and that it’s
something to wait for, i.e. marriage,” said Marie Ryan, diocesan Respect
Life consultant. “It’s a program that we may as well try to see if it
works rather than just saying, ‘No, it won’t work.’ It’s a unique idea.

“The program gives up life goals and gives kids a sense of how to
achieve them and focus on their self-esteem. There’s a lot to life. In all
of life, there are difficulties or challenges or choices that we have to
make along the way to attain the goal we have in mind. We have to say ‘No’
to some things that look good and pleasurable to us at the moment for the
sake of attaining our long-term goals.”

Mrs. Ryan said that the biggest challenge of conducting any True Love
Waits workshop or preaching the virtues of chastity in general is
summoning up the courage to do so.

“The difficulty is overcoming the fear that we might be laughed at for
wanting to get this message out,” Mrs. Ryan said. “It takes a lot to drum
up the courage to speak about the message."

She added that silence isn’t a virtue when it comes to chastity and not
speaking against improper sexual content.

“Are we silent when sex comes into our living rooms [on TV]?” Mrs. Ryan
said. “Do we say, ‘I’m offended at what I saw!’ Do we make it known that
we’ll write to the sponsors who support such shows?”

Mrs. Ryan said that if adolescents heed the chastity message, only good
things can come out of it for themselves and for society.

“We would ultimately reduce the numbers of abortions across the board,”
she said. “But, more so, to save the kids from getting hurt, from getting
STDs and from getting involved in relationships that they’re not ready
for, emotionally or psychologically.

“God made sex for goodness but he had the perfect plan and timing for
it.”

Miss Flaherty echoed Mrs. Ryan’s concerns and agreed that advertisers
inundate youths with sex to sell products and enhance TV ratings. She also
indicated that the media are often guilty of spreading a false message to
youths about “safe sex” and contraceptive usage.

“There is a myth to the safe sex message,” she said. “It is a total lie
to say that you’ll be protected.”

Miss Flaherty then cited the effects of Human Papilloma Virus (HPV).
She pointed out that condoms provide no protection whatsoever against HPV
and that the disease causes genital warts and is transmitted by skin to
skin contact. It is the cause of 93 percent percent of cervical cancer
cases, she said.

“[Over time] the language has even been changed from ‘safe sex’ to
‘safer sex,’ “she said. “And let me not fail to mention that contrary to
what some people may believe, condoms are not full-proof against AIDS.”

Miss Flaherty believes that many people are so consumed by sex that
they don’t understand what love is.

According to the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health,
there are three main factors why youths delay sexual activity: connection
to theiupeitnts; parents’ disapproval of contraception and perceived
adolescent sex; and taking a purity pledge to wait for marriage before
engaging in intercourse. More than 90,000 adolescents were polled for the
study.

“I always tell them, ‘Don’t be the one to be following others. You make
the decision. You know what you’re about,’ “Miss Flaherty said.

She added that many youths embrace True Love Waits and view it as being
sincere with a message that really connotes what love is all about. This
is especially true, she said, among those who have lost their virginity.

“I can’t tell you how many times someone has come up to me and said, ‘I
wish I had waited,’ “she said.

“Jesus will forgive any sin, but there’s nothing we can do about the
regret.”

Anyone interested in attending the workshop may call a toll-free number
(877) 422-6924 for information.