Top 10 Rules For Healthy Communication In Relationships

10 Rules for Effective Communication

Communicating effectively is the keystone to any relationship. Use the tips in this list to make sure your message gets across – and to help you listen to what you’re being told.

1. Be clear on the objective of the conversation: Before you open your mouth, make sure that you know why you’re doing so. No communication is effective unless you know what you’re hoping to achieve by it.

2. Choose your timing: Make sure that you’re both as relaxed as possible, have plenty of time and make sure you can’t be interrupted. Figure out what parts of the day are best.

3. Stick to the matter in hand: Don’t try to get everything of your chest at once. Keep focused on the issue you need to deal with. Avoid rabbit trails and getting off subject. This will be easier to do if you keep the main goal in mind when starting the conversation.

4. Avoid starting sentences with ‘You . . . ’:Don’t start out with an accusation – or by sounding as though you’re making one.This automatically puts the other person in a defensive mode and diminished the opportunity for effective communication. Think about the times when others have started their sentences this way and how it made you feel.

5. Never say never or always: Categorical statements are provocative and unlikely to be true. Cut them out.

6. Watch your should and shouldn’t: Unless you honestly believe that you have the right to take the moral high ground and preach to your partner, don’t do it.Things that happened in the past cannot be undone.Telling someone what they should or shouldn’t have done is looking backwards and a waste of time. Instead, focus on the future and talk about what you would like to see happen. Remember this is about communicating effectively.

7. Don’t interrupt: Even if you’re 100 per cent sure that your partner’s got nothing else worth saying, keep quiet and let him finish. If you want your partner to become a better talker, then first you must become a better listener.

8. Stay calm or postpone the conversation: When people get angry, reason tends to disappear. Relax or take a time out.

9. Avoid sarcasm, monologues or mind reading: Don’t try to manipulate the situation to your advantage. If you speak to your partner or act in a way that you’d never dream of doing with your boss, then ask yourself why.

10. Express your feelings as well as your opinions: Saying that you feel devalued when he’s late explains not just what the problem is, but the effect that the problem is having on you.

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2 Comments

Hi Joseph,
So true. Communicating effectively with another is truly an art form when done right. It seems most people don’t know the rules when communicating in a relationship. In the past I have been on the receiving end of statements like always, never and should.

I absolutely agree. It is definitely an art form and it is amazing to see how our communicative behavior changes in the moment we are emotionally involved with somebody. I know it for myself how normal things suddenly become an issue just because I hear them differently, emotionally.
btw thanks Joseph for the list. In my case Number 7 is so bloody true.