Thursday, September 21, 2006

Open Loops: How to Deal With An Irate Person

Many times, during the course of a day, we have to deal with irate people. Whether we are in Customer Service and dealing with angry customers or school administrators dealing with angry parents, handling an irate person and being able to lead them to a more calm — and logical — state can be a very desired skill.

The most common mistake that people make is to assume that when someone is out of control, we should calm our voices to model the desired state we wish the person to have. The assumption is that the other person will match us and a calm and logical conversation can then take place. Unfortunately, this rarely happens. Instead, because of the calm demeanor, the complainant doesn’t feel heard. Their rationale is that since the listener is not as outraged as they are, they must not have been listening or they don’t believe what was shared. The result is no trust so the person remains angry and outraged.

A better approach is called “Pace and Lead”. The first step is to match the complainant’s emotional intensity. This is not agreeing with the person. This is simply responding with the same emotions that are being presented. If a person is complaining that the delivery person scratched the new dryer as"