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anyone with a shoplifting teenage daughter...

Amybegins wrote:

For all of those who are SOOOO happy their lo is a girl... just wait. They turn about 12 and lose their minds! My dd is 14 years old (I had her young, I was 20). She's a good girl for the most part with good grades. She was busted shoplifting this weekend at the mall with her best friend. She took 1 shirt and her friend had a bag FULL of stuff from 2 different stores. I don't need this right now, that's for sure. Anyone else had to deal with this? Did any of YOU do this when you were a teen? I'm just looking for some emotional support.

Oh man! I did it when I was in the 8th grade and my sister did it when he was like 14. Boy was I in trouble ! I was stealing clown supplies from party city. LMAO. My sister was robbing charms for her bracelet from kohls. Shes not allowed to shop there again until she is 21 !

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rulah02

I have a good friend who got busted at 19 shoplifting. She was a CNA who desperately wanted to be a nurse. Because of her charges, she lost her job & has been fighting for YEARS & has spent thousands of dollars trying to get this off her record. She has ended up waitressing as no one in healthcare will even look at her for employment. Be sure to share this w/ your daughter. A stupid decision when young can really screw up your adult life!!!!

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end_lesley

@Amybegins I used to work as a secret shopper arresting shoplifters. And then my sister (12 yrs younger) was caught stealing cosmetics when she was 14 at the store I used to work at. I think for most youth getting caught and dealing with the police is enough to scare some sense into them. I remind my sister, now 17, that teenagers her age are almost always watched by security in stores, especially if they are with friends. My mom would always give her some money thinking that my sister would stay out of trouble, unfortunately they take advantage of the opportunity and don't realize that there are cameras hidden all over. I've arrested people from 12-70 yrs old, wealthy- low income. There no rhyme or reason as to why 'normal' people steal. hopefully she got a good scare and learned her lesson.

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Amybegins

Thanks, all. I am a pretty strict parent and I she is grounded from EVERYTHING for a month. My husband and I are just beside ourselves as neither one of us have been in any trouble ever. I'm trying to tell myself that this is relatively "normal" teenage peer pressure behavior and I don't have a future Charles Manson on my hands. lol

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hollyellen22

We were watching "men of honor" last night and there is a part in the movie where this guy is marching in the middle of their base banging a pot screaming "I stole a pot! I stole! I stole a pot!" I've decided if this LO ever decided to get sticky fingers that I would make him return the item and then ask if it was ok to stand in the middle of the store marching and repeating his offense over and over again. I feel like embarrassment is a fair form of punishment :)

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staceyjudy

My daughter is 13 and I totally agree, they go out one day at 12, and come back a monster !! Can't say I've had the shoplifting one ....yet but you have my support. Up until about a year ago, mine was in the gifted program, predicted at a+ for her finals, polite, loving etc then puberty happened, lol.. I never thought it would be like this, thought that it only happened to other peoples children, how wrong was I?

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VanessaS1

@Amybegins It is definitely peer pressure. All of my friends did it when I was in high school I never ever did it because I never wanted to get ob trouble but I didn't realize that knowing about it and not stopping it if they got caught would've got me in just as much trouble. My friends all did it cuz that was the cool thing to do for some reason. My sister got caught shoplifting but hers was super complicated because we were on a military base overseas and my dad had to write all these letters to keep her from getting us sent state side. She was banned from all of the things you could do on the base for a year and the grounding my parents gave her was enough to make me never want to steal. Just because she did it doesn't make her a bad teen. Peer pressure is really hard to go against. Just talk to her about it and explain how much it can screw up your life.

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shamilamidingdong

I shoplifted when I was little only because my friends did. I always felt super guilty about it though and only took small thing an was really paranoid that we'd get caught. Chances are if she only had one or two items and her friend had a bag full then her friend is the ring leader. Hopefully this experience scared the crap out of her and she learned her lesson. If I were you I'd threaten other things like the possibility of making her change schools, or make her go and apologize to the store manager face to face.Good luck!

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nicoles06

@Amybegins I'm in the same boat but my son 14 two wk ago thought it would be fun to sneak out of the house at 4am with some other boys doesn't seem like a big deal but we live on an army post so we got a 4am call from military police to come pick him up not what I wanted to be doing at 37wk

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krisnbaby28

@Amybegins My sister got busted when she was about that age for stealing a bathing suit that she even had the money to buy. Unfortunately, it does seem to be relatively "normal" :( I did it a couple times when I was in high school and still feel guilty about it! And also kinda surprised I didn't learn from my sister. Good luck with your daughter! I'm sure it's just an awful phase!

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laurenrocco

I can say that I never in a million years would have shoplifted because I knew my parents would have MURDERED me. Ok not murdered, but the consequences would have been very bleak. Also, i don't think it's just as simple as it being "the cool thing to do." just like when I was in school, there were people who considered drugs cool (or even minor stuff like skipping class) and people like me and my friends who knew it was horrible and ridiculous. I'd pay close attention to who her friends are and get to know their parents as much as possible.

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mommaD915

It's just girls. My son stole a pair of jeans from Sears a few years ago. He pop the tag off some Levi's jeans and left his Polo Jeans. He didn't get caught but some of his so called friends told me. I went off, took him up to Sears made him tell them what he did and made him pay for them. He has don't it again since.

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Julzie7

@Amybegins I did this once when I was a teen and got caught and it was the worst experience ever I was a straight A student and I had made a new friend and she did it in one store so I tried in another wanting to fit in and I still remember the hand on my shoulder when I was leaving the store as the scariest thing ever! They then called my mom who then proceeded to not ground me but just tell me how disappointed she was and I think those words hurt more than any amount time being grounded! Needless to say I ditched that friend pretty quickly and even though the store didn't ban me I still haven't been able to set foot in there again out of guilt :( and this was 8 years ago!

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anja0486

Sorry that you're going through this! Girls are crazy! Be strong! My sister is 14, normally well behaved, snuck out with a friend (not a good one, at that) one night this past summer, past curfew. Well, the cops saw them, so they ran into a grocery store to hide. Cops waited for them to come out and cited them for being out past curfew and running from police. I couldn't be more disappointed in her. My parents have relaxed so much in their discipline since I was her age, so she was grounded for a little while. DH thinks she's acting out because of the baby (1st grandchild) and brother got married a couple weeks ago, and attention is not all on her. Top it off, her court date is on Baby's due date. And she doesn't seem to feel bad about any of it!

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tsherrie

@Amybegins I'm having a little girl who I fully expect to be anything but an angel. (my hubby has said he has no clue why I married him, on paper we are polar opposites) But I had a little bit of a different experience in my life I hope I can share with my daughter that might influence her. At age 11 I woke up from a dream and decided I needed to make it come true. It was a simple dream, I was standing barefoot in a house in the desert by myself. I remember all the details, down to the tile on the floor. So it became my mission to get a job and start saving my money. I figured most "kids" start working and saving money around age 16, for the car. I was starting early at 11 so I could buy a small rv and some land, and have the funds left to go buy building materials and I was going to construct this house. My dad laughed in my face when I told him I wanted to get a job. He told me go ahead and get one. Three days later I had a job at an animal boarding facility that I worked at for almost a year. He took me to the bank and opened a savings account and I deposited every one of my paychecks in my account. So later on when I wanted something, or when I got to high school and fussed over buying school clothes, I had my own money I could access. I never thought about stealing or begging for something because I knew I could go buy it myself with the money I earned. It was a little bit of a slippery slope for my parents because the excuse "when you have a job and can afford it yourself you can have it" wasn't an available excuse to put me off. So I'm hoping I can encourage my daughter to be like I was and before she's even a teenager, she will have a couple thousand of her own money put away..

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JenniferTM

@Amybegins I never stole anything at any age. I was really close to my mom and aunt (my mom was my best friend, now she has passed due to cancer) so I went shopping with them, not friends my age. When I did start shopping on my own, I was driving and almost a high school graduate and worked, so didn't steal then either. I was always aware of the consequences of every action.

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peep5

@Amybegins Im sure mine has shoplifted.. She has wrecked my jeep, caught breaking into cars w her friends and bashing ppls windshields with cement blocks. Had to go to court for all that a while back. She is an advocate for pot use ( born on april 20) hangs with undesirables, can't pass a drug test.. Lost her spot in cna school her sr year. Coulda been working as a cna now, cont her education.

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mommaD915

I meant to say it not just girls.

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katherine93

I got caught shoplifting at Walmart when i was 13. I did it because my best friend was doing it. Even after getting caught she did it again at a store that pressed charges. She went to the juvenile detention center and had a ton of fines to pay plus a court date. But I think that your daughter sounds a lot like me back then. I knew it was wrong but felt invincible when I did it, even if it was only makeup. Once I got caught I no longer felt that way. But make sure to talk to her and honestly make her feel ashamed as well. Then after she wallows for about a week, let her know you have forgiven her, but she still needs to serve her punishment. Hope that helps!

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