Philadelphia MFT

Creating healthy boundaries is difficult to do. It's not always easy enforcing limits with the people in your life but it's necessary for creating and maintaining respectful relationships. If you've tried to do so in the past but failed, here are three obstacles that may be hindering you from being successful in your boundary making.

You can't articulate what you wantIt's impossible to even attempt to set limits if you can't articulate what it is you want or how their behavior negatively impacts you. Take a moment, when you're not angry or emotional from a line being crossed; to process what it is that upset you. After you've processed it, think about how you would articulate that to the person who crossed an emotional line with you. If you're able to clearly find the words to help the person understand what it is they've done; you'll have a better chance of successfully establishing healthy boundaries.

You don't have examples of what you want to changeIn order to successfully establish boundaries you need examples of what you want those boundaries to look like. Giving people examples of how you want to be loved, respected or treated will help them to better understand what behaviors they should or shouldn't be doing in the future.

You don't have consequences for poor behaviorsAfter you've clearly articulated what you want and give examples for what you would like to see in the future; create consequences or when boundaries are crossed. It doesn't have to be extremely harsh but consequences are needed so that the person knows that when they don't follow your boundaries, you will address and won't stand for it.

If you find yourself still struggling with setting boundaries, the issue may not be the other people or circumstance but a conflict within yourself. Being a people pleaser or feeling guilty can greatly impact your ability to set the appropriate boundaries. If you're struggling with boundary settings, don't be afraid to start the exploration process about what is holding you back from having the healthy relationships you deserve.

Getting married is an exciting time in ones life. But how ready are most couples that head down the aisle? We’ve all heard the statistics, but they are worth repeating- 40-50% of all marriages end in divorce, and 60% of second time marriages end in divorce. If you are one of those people who believe that they won’t become a part of this statistic then you are not alone, but half of all marriages are failing and someone is contributing to that number. Many couples believe that marriage will be a solution for any problems or issues that they struggle with. But marriage typically elevates these issues, and they can become long-term problems that persist throughout the life of the relationship. But couples that engage in brief premarital therapy cut their odds of divorce in half. How come premarital therapy is so helpful, you ask? The goal of premarital therapy is to bring up any unforeseen challenges that you may face and come up with creative solutions before they have a chance to appear. So you are preemptively eliminating opportunities for failure, while learning how to work together to prevent new issues from popping up later. Some couples fear that premarital therapy will bring up issues that don’t exist. But during the span of the premarital therapy session, we work together as a team to find creative solutions for any and all issues that come up. Still worried? That in itself should be a red flag that your relationship may need an intervention before the big day.Philadelphia MFT is making premarital therapy easier than ever with our Premarital Bootcamp. In just two short hours, you will discover things about your future spouse that you never knew. You will learn skills to take with you into marriage, including how best to communicate with one another. And most importantly, you will set your marriage up for success! Don’t become a part of a negative statistic. Be fully prepared to say, “I do,” and know that you both mean it! Signup for Philadelphia MFT’s Premarital Bootcamp today!This Topic of the Week was brought to you by Danielle Adinolfi, MFT

What makes you happy? When is the last time you’ve felt this way? What does it look like for you? These are all important questions to consider when we’re evaluating what it takes to be happy. These days, many find themselves sacrificing happiness for sustenance. Life can be tough and sometimes responsibilities make it hard for people to fully focus on their internal needs. Here are a few tips to help you recharge your happiness:

Add “No” to your vocabulary. There are several reasons why people shy away from using “no.” Whether your reasons are to avoid conflict or save face, it’s likely that not saying “no” has still led you to difficult moments. Instead of engaging in conversations or activities that make you uncomfortable; learn to shut down situations as they arise. Saying “no” allows you to control how much of yourself you want to give. Being in control of how your energy is exhausted allows you more freedom to dedicate to doing things you enjoy.

Be open. Try new things. Examine situations from new perspectives. The pursuit of happiness can be an arduous task so it’s important to be open to different pathways. Sometimes happiness hides in the unexpected. Don’t be afraid to take a chance.

Separate your accomplishments from your self worth. Just because you may not be where you want to be in life, does not mean that you are an undeserving person. We all have goals and sometimes things don’t go exactly as we planned. It happens. Feeling disappointed is natural, just be careful not to shift into self loathing. Your current circumstances don’t make you unworthy.

Stop Comparing. Don’t compare yourself to others. Everyone has a unique journey and a unique pace. Focus on doing things in ways that work for you.

Happiness is a complex concept. It looks and feels differently for everyone, but most people can agree that it’s an important concept in life. If you find yourself struggling to find your happiness, please do not hesitate to contact any of the therapists here at Philadelphia MFT.This Topic of The Week was written by, Malyka Cardwell, MFT.