Re: funny

Re: funny

She told me she had soft bones. Surprise surprise. Also became a vegetarian, don’t know why. How would she get enough calcium?

She said she “felt bloated” after eating wheat so now eats “gluten free.” At a party for a family birthday she ordered a gluten/cheese/meat free pizza. Whaaaat? It looked like a puddle of sick, flat. She has put on a ton of weight—gluten free is mostly ground starch!

She is big on fermented foods, kefir and god knows what else plus sauerkraut. Good for your gut, good bacteria. Except that the bacteria die in the sack of hydrochloric acid that is your gut. Best way to boost gut flora: fibre! As in wholemeal bread, oats etc, the stuff she doesn’t eat.

Madness! Fuck fad diets!

Re: funny

Posted: 05 Feb 2019, 10:33

by HBS Guy

I was in a Greek restaurant with her many years back. Ordered moussaka: vegetarian non dairy. How the chef didn’t come out and tell her to fuck off I don’t know! To this day I do not know!

Re: funny

Posted: 05 Feb 2019, 10:44

by greggerypeccary

HBS Guy wrote:My sister thinks she is lactose intolerant. Bullshit.

She told me she had soft bones. Surprise surprise. Also became a vegetarian, don’t know why. How would she get enough calcium?

She said she “felt bloated” after eating wheat so now eats “gluten free.” At a party for a family birthday she ordered a gluten/cheese/meat free pizza. Whaaaat? It looked like a puddle of sick, flat. She has put on a ton of weight—gluten free is mostly ground starch!

She is big on fermented foods, kefir and god knows what else plus sauerkraut. Good for your gut, good bacteria. Except that the bacteria die in the sack of hydrochloric acid that is your gut. Best way to boost gut flora: fibre! As in wholemeal bread, oats etc, the stuff she doesn’t eat.

Madness! Fuck fad diets!

Yeah, fad diets are silly but gluten intolerance can be quite serious.

I have a good friend who's a coeliac, and just a trace of gluten in her food makes her violently ill.

I've had to take her to hospital on a few occasions because small traces of wheat were in her food.

Re: funny

Posted: 05 Feb 2019, 12:18

by Squire

HBS Guy wrote:My sister thinks she is lactose intolerant. Bullshit.

She told me she had soft bones. Surprise surprise. Also became a vegetarian, don’t know why. How would she get enough calcium?

She said she “felt bloated” after eating wheat so now eats “gluten free.” At a party for a family birthday she ordered a gluten/cheese/meat free pizza. Whaaaat? It looked like a puddle of sick, flat. She has put on a ton of weight—gluten free is mostly ground starch!

She is big on fermented foods, kefir and god knows what else plus sauerkraut. Good for your gut, good bacteria. Except that the bacteria die in the sack of hydrochloric acid that is your gut. Best way to boost gut flora: fibre! As in wholemeal bread, oats etc, the stuff she doesn’t eat.

Madness! Fuck fad diets!

The soft bones are cranial.

Re: funny

Posted: 05 Feb 2019, 14:00

by Tally

HBS Guy wrote:My sister thinks she is lactose intolerant. Bullshit.

She told me she had soft bones. Surprise surprise. Also became a vegetarian, don’t know why. How would she get enough calcium?

She said she “felt bloated” after eating wheat so now eats “gluten free.” At a party for a family birthday she ordered a gluten/cheese/meat free pizza. Whaaaat? It looked like a puddle of sick, flat. She has put on a ton of weight—gluten free is mostly ground starch!

She is big on fermented foods, kefir and god knows what else plus sauerkraut. Good for your gut, good bacteria. Except that the bacteria die in the sack of hydrochloric acid that is your gut. Best way to boost gut flora: fibre! As in wholemeal bread, oats etc, the stuff she doesn’t eat.

Madness! Fuck fad diets!

Apart from the exceedingly small number of people who are genuinely celiac, most people find they feel better giving up wheat because they've had an overall diet improvement, and they've probably been eating rubbish like mass produced factory bread. Instead of giving up bread, try a 24hr sourdough which is much easier on digestion.

And you're right about gut flora, you need to feed them. Pulses, veges of all types and a really good one is potatoes cooked and reheated the next day lowers their starch resistance.

Re: funny

Posted: 05 Feb 2019, 15:37

by HBS Guy

She isn’t coeliac, she just like to make up illnesses and go on stupid fad diets. Not lactose intolerant either. Mad is what she is.

Re: funny

Posted: 05 Feb 2019, 18:53

by Tally

HBS Guy wrote:She isn’t coeliac, she just like to make up illnesses and go on stupid fad diets. Not lactose intolerant either. Mad is what she is.

People read 'gluten free' on a packet then get it in their mind that gluten is bad for you. I'm waiting to see gluten free bottled water.

Re: funny

Posted: 05 Feb 2019, 22:00

by SethBullock

Tally wrote:

HBS Guy wrote:She isn’t coeliac, she just like to make up illnesses and go on stupid fad diets. Not lactose intolerant either. Mad is what she is.

People read 'gluten free' on a packet then get it in their mind that gluten is bad for you. I'm waiting to see gluten free bottled water.

water 2 (2).png

"Imported from Earth", it says ...

Re: funny

Posted: 06 Feb 2019, 08:56

by greggerypeccary

Re: funny

Posted: 06 Feb 2019, 10:24

by Tally

SethBullock wrote:

Tally wrote:

HBS Guy wrote:She isn’t coeliac, she just like to make up illnesses and go on stupid fad diets. Not lactose intolerant either. Mad is what she is.

People read 'gluten free' on a packet then get it in their mind that gluten is bad for you. I'm waiting to see gluten free bottled water.

water 2 (2).png

"Imported from Earth", it says ...

It had to happen.

Re: funny

Posted: 06 Feb 2019, 23:53

by Texan

Re: funny

Posted: 07 Feb 2019, 04:37

by SethBullock

^^

Re: funny

Posted: 07 Feb 2019, 22:46

by Lols

johnsmith wrote:

SethBullock wrote:

johnsmith wrote:

Squire wrote:

johnsmith wrote:

HBS Guy wrote:Just imagine the world if we changed sex as we got older, like some fish & amphibians do.

awesome, I could finally play with a pair of tits whenever i liked and no one would whinge

Obesity can do the same for you.

I'm cursed. I can eat as much as I like and not put on weight. It's a burden I've had to live with for most of my life.

Me too. The most I've ever weighed was 185 as I came out of Army basic training because I put on muscle. Over the course of my adult life after basic training I've never worked as hard at building muscle, and I gradually lost weight. Right now I weigh close to what I weighed as a high school senior. I keep reminding my friends I'm not "scrawny", I'm "slender".

I actually went to the doctor when I was about 22 because I had tried everything to gain weight but failed. I'd just spent 6 months on those protein shakes body builders use and not a single pound. The doctor looked at me and said 'you want to put on weight? Get married.' He was psychic.

I stayed that weight (about 70kg) for another 16 years and then I got married. After I got married I put on about 10 kg in 10 years. Although some of that may be due to my last job having being so laid back.

I've been in this new job for about 2 months now and lost about 5 kg of that already so I'm back to about 75kg

Oh so totally jealous!!You two including my hubby, are all the same, must have hollow legs, or worms or something!!

Re: funny

Posted: 08 Feb 2019, 13:36

by SethBullock

Re: funny

Posted: 10 Feb 2019, 16:03

by SethBullock

breaking (2).png

Re: funny

Posted: 10 Feb 2019, 16:05

by SethBullock

sniper dog.jpg

Re: funny

Posted: 10 Feb 2019, 17:30

by HBS Guy

I laughed helplessly at that!

Re: funny

Posted: 13 Feb 2019, 12:17

by Squire

Here's something Donald can do:

Re: funny

Posted: 13 Feb 2019, 12:25

by SethBullock

February 14th is Valentines Day in the U.S. Don't know if you have something like that in Australia.

But you do have anniversaries, birthdays, and Christmas. So ... Beware!

Re: funny

Posted: 13 Feb 2019, 12:34

by greggerypeccary

SethBullock wrote:February 14th is Valentines Day in the U.S. Don't know if you have something like that in Australia.

Hmm, okay - sounds interesting.

What do you guys get up to on that day?

Is there a big feast involved?

Does everyone get the day off work?

Re: funny

Posted: 13 Feb 2019, 12:38

by Texan

greggerypeccary wrote:

SethBullock wrote:February 14th is Valentines Day in the U.S. Don't know if you have something like that in Australia.

Hmm, okay - sounds interesting.

What do you guys get up to on that day?

Is there a big feast involved?

Does everyone get the day off work?

Nope. It's a holiday just for women. Men are expected to buy their girls flower and a sappy card and take them out to dinner. Guys get paid in affection if they passed.

Re: funny

Posted: 13 Feb 2019, 12:50

by greggerypeccary

Texan wrote:

greggerypeccary wrote:

SethBullock wrote:February 14th is Valentines Day in the U.S. Don't know if you have something like that in Australia.

Hmm, okay - sounds interesting.

What do you guys get up to on that day?

Is there a big feast involved?

Does everyone get the day off work?

Nope. It's a holiday just for women. Men are expected to buy their girls flower and a sappy card and take them out to dinner. Guys get paid in affection if they passed.

Oh!

The women get to take the day off, but men still have to go to work?

Sounds a bit sexist.

Don't think that will catch on here.

Re: funny

Posted: 13 Feb 2019, 15:51

by johnsmith

i thought this was pretty funny. From Texas

Pot smokers find caged tiger in abandoned house in Houston

Police in the United States say a group of people who went into an abandoned home to smoke marijuana discovered a tiger inside.

Houston police and staff from an animal rescue facility arrived at the scene following a concerned phone call to find a 150-kilogram tiger inside, according to local media KTRK.

The Livestock Animal Cruelty Unit of the Houston Police Department also told KTRK that they first questioned whether the people who reported the animal were under the influence of drugs.

They said the house had been abandoned for quite some time but there were several packages of meat fount near it.

Authorities nicknamed the tiger "Tyson" after the movie The Hangover.

Officials told Houston television station KHOU-TV the tiger was in a cage and well-fed, but the cage was secured only by a nylon strap and screwdriver.

They added that the cage could easily open and the tiger could have gone on a "rampage".

The tiger was taken to an animal shelter in Houston before it was transferred to an animal sanctuary which will hopefully be its "forever home", according to a tweet by a local journalist.

The owner of the tiger is still a mystery, and they could face a hefty fine if they're found.

It's legal to own a tiger in Texas if the owner has a wild game permit, but it is illegal to have a tiger in Houston.