Day 56

Have you ever had those moments when you just burst out crying because you felt bad for yourself, the you who went out of your way to fix something that wasn’t even worth fixing, the you who chased and begged to be loved back, the you who cried so many nights over rejection, the you who knew deserved so much better but decided to settle, the you gave your all to someone who has already treated you a stranger? That’s what I felt last night. I cried for the girl who had gone all that just so she could say there’s nothing that she could have done more or less. I felt bad for her yet at the same time I felt proud. She’s let go of her hurts, she’s let go of her bitterness, she’s let go of the great love she thought she had found. She doesn’t deny the fact that he’ll always be in her heart and that he will always hold a special place in it, and she would probably stop and stare and her heart would skip a beat if ever she saw him again, but it ends there. She’s not expecting anymore. She wishes him the best… A genuine one. She still thinks about him, but she stopped trying and instead allowed her mind to wander off to thoughts of him. This way, there was no need to try so hard and drain her soul. He was just there and she was here… Living in the present, seeing the now, enjoying what is. She realized she wasn’t really capable of loving. As cliche as it sounds, she needs to love herself first. So much that it overflows she needs to share it to someone without trying too hard, without chasing and without begging. And most importantly, without limits.

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Kim is a programmer at day and a wannabe-writer and traveler whenever she has free time. She dreams of quitting her job and wander in places around the world working as a part-timer in various decent jobs.