Disclaimer: this fan-fic was created by General_Banzai of the Nintendo Forums and is allowed to be reused here through his sole permission. I, Klokinator have had no part in the creation of this fic whatsoever, but i am posting it here on the behalf of General_Banzai for your enjoyment. If you want to view his other Fire Emblem themed Fan-Fics, then click on one of the following links. If you wish to contact him, then pm him a message on the Nintendo forums or give it to me to relay to him. Thank you, that is all.http://forums.ninten...ssage.id=132653http://forums.ninten...ssage.id=153939

This is only the first 6 chapters. There may be a character limit per post so I split them up into multiple posts, just to be safe.

The Adventures of Marcus and Old Marcus:

Two Wimps Against the World

Spoiler (Chapter I: Marcus' Wish)

Narrator: It was just another day for Marcus, one of the few remaining knights of Pherae. After Nergal's defeat at the hands of Lord Eliwood, things had cooled down dramatically, and him and the rest of the knights spent their days lounging around, doing nothing.

Lowen: *Walks up to Marcus* Man, you're a dweeb… Can't you ever do anything cool for once?

Marcus: *Ignoring Lowen* Dee dum doo dee…

Lowen: I know you heard me.

Marcus: Hey, look! The mailman!

Mailman: *Walks up to Marcus and Lowen with a sack of mail* Hello, Lowen. Uh… Hi, Marcus…

Lowen: Did I get any mail?

Mailman: Yes, you did. Here's a letter from Rebecca, and here's a letter from one of your fans. *Hands letters to Lowen*

Lowen: *Opens fan mail and reads it aloud* Dear Lowen, You are the best. The very best. You are strong, and skilled, and fast, and I, as well as the entire populace of Ostia, love you very much for that time you saved Lord Hector from those Wyvern Lords on Chapter 29. Sincerely, Random Villager.

Marcus: Um… Did I get any mail?

Mailman: Actually, you got one hundred letters.

Marcus: Wow, I have a lot of fans!

Mailman: ...It's all hate mail.

Marcus: How do you know?

Mailman: I just know these things. *Drops a sack of letters on top of Marcus* Now, could anyone tell me where Harken is? There's some guy named General banzai that thinks he's the best prepromote ever.

Lowen: He's in the main hall of the castle. You can't miss him. *Points at castle*

Mailman: Thanks! *Goes into castle*

Lowen: Let's look at your mail, Marcus! *Reaches into sack, pulls out a random letter, and reads it* Dear Marcus, I hate you. That's why I started the Anti-Marcus Thread, because I despise you. You suck, and you ruin a lot of n00b's games, including mine. From, Leukos.

Marcus: Aw, man… Why do people hate me? I'm sure that there are people worse than me!

Rock: Ah-ha! I got someone! Okay, just wait a second! *Suddenly, the courtyard grows dark, there's a flash of orange, and then it grows light again. Standing just a few feet away from Marcus is someone worse than he is. And that person is…*

Marcus: …My older self…?

Spoiler (Chapter II: Old Marcus)

Rock: There. I granted your wish. Now put me down.

Marcus: But… If that's my older self… then it's still me! I asked for someone worse than ME!

Old Marcus: *Also in Lowen-Fan T-shirt, baseball cap, and sunglasses while drinking from his special Lowen-Fan sippy cup* Will you kids shut up? I'm trying to watch the game! GO LOWEN!

Marcus: Hey, how can you root against yourself?

Old Marcus: Stop talking to me and fight, you wimp! *Throws popcorn at Marcus*

Marcus: Ouch, that popcorn hurt!

Lowen: Stop whining about your popcorn wounds and FIGHT!

Marcus: Whatever. I summon Bahamut!

Kent: *In the stands, rooting for Lowen* Hey! That's my line!

The Two People that Read FEUV: LOL!

Everybody Else: Was that supposed to be funny?

Marcus: Fine, then, I will attack you with the Silver Lance!

Lowen: Hey, thanks for telling me! *Equips Silver Axe*

Marcus: Hey, I can't even use Silver Axes! How'd your weapon levels get so high?

Lowen: Silence, CHUMP-BOY! *Throws Tomahawk at Marcus*

Marcus: Hey, it was my turn- Oof! *Is knocked off of his horse by the Tomahawk*

*Meanwhile, up in the announcer's box*

Sparky: Dude, shouldn't you be, like, announcing?

Random Announcer: *Is watching House, A.K.A. The most awesome show ever* Huh, what? Why would anyone want to announce when House is on?

Sparky: You're right! *Watches House with Random Announcer*

*Back in the arena*

Marcus: *Is running away from Lowen* Gaah!

Lowen: *Whacks Marcus with the Silver Axe again and again… and again… and again, because Marcus' speed stinks*

Marcus: (Hey, this hurts! Maybe if I pretend I'm dead…) *Slumps over as if he's dead, but breathing noticeably*

Random Announcer: Whoa, that guy just shot House! …I mean, we have a WINNER! Congratulations to LOWEN!

Audience: *Cheers*

Sparky: Dude, you just missed it! House cut some dweeb in half with a robotic claw!

Random Announcer: WHAT?! *Runs back to House*

*The crowd leaves, cheering on Lowen as they all sing in perfect unison "We are the Champions. Old Marcus, Harken, and Isadora the Explorer all lift Lowen into the air*

Marcus: *Still pretending to be dead* Ugh…

Spoiler (Chapter IV: Canas is Kidnapped!)

Narrator: While Marcus was suffering defeat at the hands of Lowen, way, far away in a small village in Ilia, people were preparing for the worst snowstorm in ages. Of course, the scholar Canas and his wife were planning to fight back the dreaded snowstorm with all of their magical power.

Canas: *In his house, organizing his magic tomes* Well, this snowstorm is going to be a big one, so I might want to dress warm…

Narrator: Suddenly, Canas hears the door creak open!

Canas: Huh? Who's there?

Huh?: I'm sorry, Canas…

Canas: It's you!

Huh?: *Pulls out tranquilizer gun and shoots Canas* I was paid a lot of money to do this…

Canas: No… I… don't believe… it… *Falls asleep*

Canas' Wife: *Suddenly walks into the room* Canas, are you ready to fight the blizzard?

Huh?: There wasn't supposed to be anyone else!

Huh?(2): *Walks through door* Exterminate her.

Canas' Wife: Hey, what's going on? How come I don't even have a real name?

Isadora the Explorer: That’s it for today’s show! Tune in next time for SUBLIMINALMINDMESSAGEOFTHEDAYBUYCHEERIOS Isadora the Explorer!

Eliwood: Cheerios!

Spoiler (Chapter VIII: How Many People Will this Chapter Tick Off?)

Marcus: *Is still hiding behind random pillars, watching Pent guard Canas… Alone… With his back turned… With no magic tome… And no armor…* (Hey, no fair! He could have a concealed Knife!) *…And no concealed Knife…*

Pent: *Practicing his beat box skills* Boom boom kish!

Marcus: (I need a perfect opportunity to strike!)

Pent: Good thing nobody’s here right now, because this would be the perfect opportunity to strike!

Pent: Well, I guess I’ll go back to sleep! Zzzzzz… *Goes to sleep without noticing Marcus*

Marcus: (Wow, he can go to sleep at the drop of a hat!) *Hides behind pillars again*

Nino: *Magically appears next to Pent* Wakey wakey, sleepyhead!

Pent: Huh? What? Whozat?

Nino: It’s time to go to Bern!

Pent: YAYZORS!

Rock: BURNZORED!

Weird Random People: HUHZORS?

Nino: We’re going to sail there on Renault’s ship, the S.S. I’m-Really-Bad-At-Everything-Except-Supports!

Pent: Yeah!

Canas: MMPH!

Marcus: (Maybe I should follow them…)

Nino: Renault’s already there! All we need to do is take Canas and go!

Pent: *Takes Canas and goes*

Nino: Hey, wait for me!

Marcus: *Secretly follows in a cardboard box* Maybe I’m a good Solid Snake!

Leukos: You’re not good at anything.

General Banzai: He’s a good meat shield.

Leukos: Actually, I never said you weren’t good at anything. That’s why I’m changing the name to the “Who-Gives-A-Bleep-About-Marcus Information Thread!” Except I can’t edit, so it’s still the Anti-Marcus Thread!

The Real Leukos: *Is angry*

Marcus: AAA! Who are these voices in my head?!

Nino: Hey, Pent, do you realize that there’s this cardboard box following us?

Pent: Yeah, I do! This is weird because cardboard hasn’t been invented yet!

Lucius: *Sprays Duck-B-Gone in Marcus’ eyes* HA! HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?

Karel: I actually prefer oranges…

Lucius: I think tangerines have more flavor…

Marcus: Hello? I’m in the mud, being attacked by ducks, with a powerful chemical in my eyes!

Karel: Now that you mention it, plums are tasty as well…

Lucius: Agreed!

Narrator: Will Marcus escape the ducks? Find out next time on… MAOM!

Sparky: Wow, you can actually pronounce MAOM?

Narrator: Of course not!

Spoiler (Chapter XIII: Renault Explains How to Kill a Mockingbird)

Narrator: While Marcus was being eaten alive by villainous ducks, it would be pretty easy to think that Renault and his flunkies would have no distractions as they took Canas to Bern. Well, you thought wrong!

Pent: Remember! It is a sin to kill a mockingbird!

Renault: Who are you, my conscious or something?

Renault’s Conscious: Kill the mockingbird! Kill it!

Renault: …Nevermind.

Narrator: Let’s go back a few hours, just after Renault was trampled by the Angry Mob.

Renault: Ow! I just got trampled by an Angry Mob!

Nino: Well, duh.

Canas: MMPH!

Renault: Well, let’s go to Bern now.

Pent: Agreed!

Canas: MMPH!

Renault: What now?

Canas: MMPH!

Renault: …Whatever. Let’s go-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! *Is seized in the talons of a giant mockingbird*

Pent: Master!

Nino: *On cell phone* Hey, Jaffar! How’s everything going at home?

Jaffar: ……………...I got Berserked again……………………

Nino: That’s wonderful!

Renault: AAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Giant Mockingbird: G’day, mate! What be yer’ name?

Renault: Let go of me, you crazed beast!

Giant Mockingbird: Letgoofmeyoucrazedbeast? I’ve never heard that name before…

Narrator: Just a recap of last chapter? It turns out that Lucius and Karel are working for Renault and secretly try to kill Marcus but the enigmatic Simon sues Lucius into oblivion. Meanwhile, Old Marcus thwarts Xemnas' evil plans. Then a bunch of random Matrix stuff happened. Then I asked: Where's Karel? Well, Karel is?

Karel: *Reading giant sign* Welcome to Bern. Population: A lot.

Bern Tourist Guide: Hello, hello, hello! You look like the fun-loving person! Would you like to go on a premium tour of Bern?

Karel: Uh, not real-

Bern Tourist Guide: Okay, that'll be twenty dollars, now please step on the bus and we'll be on our way!

Karel: Wait, I need to meet someone here in an hour! I don't have time for-

Bern Tourist Guide: Thank you for your generous donation to the Bern Old People's Society, or BOPS for short. We will send you a commemorative thank you card shortly!

Karel: I want off of this bus! *Looks around* Hey, I'm the only one on here!

Bern Tourist Guide: *Ignores Karel* Now, if you look to your right, you will see the giant mountain, appropriately named Giant Mountain! It is the thirty-second largest mountain in Bern! Please do not take pictures, and thank you for not smoking!

Elementary School Kids: *Are smoking*

Karel: I really don't have time for this?

Bern Tourist Guide: Our next big landmark, Gigantic Mountain (which happens to be the twenty-seventh largest mountain in Bern, just so you know), will not be visible for another two hours, so in the meantime, I will sing you a song! Oh, the wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round?

Narrator: Details are sketchy, but eyewitnesses claim to have seen a lone body fly out of the driver's side of the bus about two seconds later.

Narrator: Well, Lucius lost the trial, so the police took him off to jail, where he sat around for the rest of his life (cheap way to get rid of a character, but live with it because it's the best thing I've got).

Simon: Yay! I win! What do I get, judge?

Damian: You don't really get anything? KILL ELIWOOD!

Simon: I get to kill Eliwood? That's cheap?

Damian: Fine. You get two all-expense paid tickets to Bern via Pegusus Knight!

Harken: *Runs into the courtroom screaming* I am! I AM! Anything to get away from her!

Isadora the Explorer: Go, Harkeniego, go!

Farina: Fine. Get on.

Narrator: So Marcus and Harken got on the Pegasus and they flew to Bern. Whoop-dee-doo*

Farina: Now get off. *Pushes Marcus and Harken off, then flies away*

Harken: I'm free! *Kisses the ground*

Random Person Holding a TV That is Playing Isadora the Explorer: *Walks by*

Isadora the Explorer: Can you count to ten? in Spanish?

Harken: AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! *Runs away frantically*

Marcus: Wow, I'm in Bern! I wonder what I'm going to do next.

Old Marcus: *Is there* Hi!

Marcus: Wait, how'd you- Oh, yeah, that's right. You are me, so you go where I go? I think.

Narrator: Suddenly, a giant bus drives by and almost runs them over!

Marcus: Wow, that giant bus drove by and almost ran us over!

Old Marcus: What kind of maniac could drive that bad?

Karel: *Driving bus* Gaah! I never got my license!

Karla: *Magically appears* Take a left turn! Go right! RIGHT! Watch out for that Bern Tourist Guide!

Karel: Gaah! My sister is backseat driving!

Karla: Long time no see!

Karel: Get away evil spirits! *Runs bus off cliff*

Karla: Now look what you've done!

Karel: How are we still alive?

Karla: We're still falling, you nitwit!

Karel: Don't you mean Cloaking Burrow-Nit?

Karla: What?

Bus: *Crashes to the ground and explodes*

Karel: Okay, NOW how are we still alive?

Karla: Because I used a mysterious aura to protect us!

Karel: Oh.

Karla: Bye now! *Magically disappears*

Karel: Well, now I have to find Renault.

Renault: *Talking through communicator wristwatch* Where are you, Karel?

Karel: In a bus that just exploded and fell off a cliff.

Renault: That's no excuse! We've been waiting for hours! Do you have the weakest creature on the planet?

Karel: Lucius is supposed to bring him. Is he there?

Renault: No.

Karel: That's weird? Lucius isn't one to miss sacred pagan rituals.

Renault: I agree. Maybe the weakest creature on the planet was too much of a hassle for him. Karel, I now assign you the duty to capture him.

Karel: *Looks out window and sees Marcus* Actually, I have him in my sights right now.

Marcus: Hi!

Karel: *Leaps out of the bus and pushes Marcus into a bag, then runs away with him*

Old Marcus: Well, now that he's gone, it's tea time!

Renault: *Is in a dome shaped building with weird markings all over the walls, with Canas tied to a chair at one end* Well, this is it. My dream is about to come true! Pent, Nino, are the preparations complete?

Pent: Yes, my liege.

Nino: *On cell phone* What-EVAH!

Karel: *Runs in with Marcus* I have the weakest creature on the planet! Now preparations can commence!

Renault: Oh, goody! Dim the lights!

Lights: *Dim*

Renault: I summon the essence of the greatest creature in history, Zealot!

Zealot: *Essence is summoned* Have you brought before me the strongest and the weakest creatures on the planet?

Renault: Yes! The Druid and the Paladin, respectively!

Zealot: Hmm? Yes, the Paladin is the weakest, but the Druid is not the strongest.

Renault: Then who is the strongest?

Zealot: It is? a Sage, and she talks on her cell phone a lot.

Nino: *Is backing away slowly*

Renault: Do we know of anyone like that?

Pent: I can't place a finger on it, but it seems familiar?

Karel: Hmm? I have no idea.

Renault: And what about you, Nino? Nino?

Nino: *Is not there*

Zealot: Yes! Nino is the name! Nino is the strongest creature on the planet! Bring me this Nino immediately. Until then, I have my soap operas to watch! *Vanishes*

Renault: Pent, Karel! We have to capture Nino! To the Renaultmobile!

Pent, Karel, and Renault: *Go to the Renaultmobile and drive away*

Marcus: Hey, what's going on?

Canas: *Is still tied up* MMPH!

Spoiler (Chapter XVI: Jeigans!)

Old Marcus: *Is in his apartment* Hmm, I'm bored? What can I do? Hmm... Wait! I know! I'll throw a Jeigan Party!

Narrator: It's time for? Unnecessary questions! Will Harken ever escape the clutches of Isadora the Explorer? Will Seth escape Jaffar? Why doesn't Renault just drive the car? Who the heck is Zealot? Find out on the next episode of MAOM!

Sparky: I wish I could pronounce MAOM?

Spoiler (Chapter XVII: Grand Theft Auto: Bern Edition)

Narrator: While Marcus has escaped, our villains seem to be having a problem?

Renault: Just drive the Censored*** car, Karel!

Karel: What the heck? What was with all those asterisks?

Renault: It's a Censored*** censor!

Karel: CensoredCensoredCensored***

Pent: This is getting off-topic?

Renault: Karel, get in the Renaultmobile and DRIVE!

Pent: Look, I'll drive!

Renault: O_o

-FLASHBACK-

Renault: *In passenger seat* Pent, you aren't even on the road anymore!

Pent: *Driving* It's a shortcut!

Cow: Moo! *Is run over*

Renault: WATCH OUT FOR THAT POLE!

Pent: Oh, come on, we're in the middle of a field and there's one pole. I'm not gonna-

Pole: *Is run over*

Pent: ?Nevermind.

Renault: What are you doing now?!

Pent: If I go really fast, I might be able to leap that giant ravine!

Renault: That's the Grand Canyon! It's grand for a reason!

Pent: Nonsense! *Flies over edge of cliff*

-END FLASHBACK-

Karel: ?I'm driving.

Renault: Thank god for flashbacks.

Pent: I think you are being biased against me due to my superior looks and charm!

Renault: Just get in the back seat, Pent.

Pent: *Gets in the back seat reluctantly*

Narrator: And then they were off!

Karel: Wow, I'm starting to feel confident in my driving abilities!

Karla: *Magically appears* MAKE A LEFT TURN!

Karel: Gaah!

Renault: How the heck did you get in here?

Karla: Bad growth rates!

Renault: That made no sense whatsoever.

Karla: Of course not. NOW TURN RIGHT!

Karel: Gaah! *Starts driving on the sidewalk*

Random Pedestrians: AAAA! *Are run over*

Random Police Officer: *Magically appears next to Karel* You have one star!

Karel: Yay! Stars!

Random Police Officer: The bad stars.

Karel: ?Dang.

Renault: How did you get in here?

Karla: SLOW DOWN!

Karel: Gaah! *Runs into a police car*

Random Police Officer: You have two stars!

Karel: GAAH! *Blows up subway*

Random Police Officer: FOUR STARS! Send in the blockades!

Karel: Gaah! *Jumps out of the Renaultmobile and runs*

Pent: Uh? What's going on?

Police Officers: *Blow up the Renaultmobile*

Renault: NO! My pride and joy!

Pent: Uh? How are we still alive?

Karla: Bad growth rates!

Narrator: We go back to Karel, who is hiding in Big Al's Garage Shop?

Big Al: Youse wanna gun?

Karel: Huh?

Big Al: Take this gun! *Gives Karel Rocket Launcher*

Karel: T3h pwnsome!

Police Officers: *Run in*

Karel: Die, Piece o' ****!

Big Al: You **** ****ing are so **** **** that I'm gonna **** on your ****!

Narrator: After a lot of blowing stuff up, Karel was the only one still standing. Even Big Al had been blown up in the mindless carnage.

Karel: Not Big Al!

Big Al: I hate you, ****!

Karel: Your parting words were so nice?

Big Al: Why thank you! *Dies*

Narrator: Then more police came.

Karel: Ah, dang it.

Police Officer: WASTED!

Karel: What the heck does that mean?

Police Officer: *Shoots Karel*

Karel: Ouch.

Police Officer: You're under arrest!

Narrator: Meanwhile, Renault and Pent were looking for Nino.

Renault: I wonder where Nino is?

Zealot: You have bigger problems. Marcus escaped.

Renault: Uh? Dang. Now we have no one!

Pent: We have each other, though!

Renault: Why must I have the stupidest minions? And they're all gone! Lucius is not here, Nino deserted, and Karel got wasted!

Pent: What about the last one? You know, Mystery Agent X?

Renault: Of course! I will call Mystery Agent X to help us!

Pent: See, I do have good ideas!

Narrator: Well, that wraps up this chapter. But still, questions remain. Where is Marcus? What is the significance of the Jeigan Party? What does 'wasted' mean? Who is Mystery Agent X? Don't ask me, I have no idea!

Spoiler (Chapter XVIII: Owned!)

Xemnas: You got owned!

Narrator: Who, me?

Xemnas: Yes, you!

Narrator: Oh. *Is owned*

Marcus: Oh no! What are we going to do without a Narrator?

Xemnas: Well, me and Gespent can be the Narrators!

Gespent the Magical Sea Monkey: Hello, this is British Radio, take one! I'm Robert Blake and this is my co-host, Sean McRichguy!

Xemnas: My name is? Sean McRichguy??

Gespent the Magical Sea Monkey: Right-o, good chap! Now, let's talk about how absolutely spectacular English TV shows are! Have you ever heard of Doctor Who?

Xemnas: Why do I have a Scottish name if I'm supposed to be English?

Gespent the Magical Sea Monkey: It's a great show. There's this awesome Doctor, and then a bunch of whiny supporting characters, like Rose and Rose's wimpy boyfriend!

Xemnas: Um? Hi?

Gespent the Magical Sea Monkey: Anyways, the Doctor is killing some evil plastic things when Rose blows up this building and a trash can eats Rose's boyfriend but then he's still alive and the Doctor is a waiter who shoves a cork in the fake Rose's boyfriend's head!

Xemnas: Let's get back to the story, where Renault and Pent are summoning Mystery Agent X-

Gespent the Magical Sea Monkey: Then there's this 'Bad Wolf' thingy and then there's this evil android blowing people up as they play 'The Weakest Link' and 'Big Brother' and then there's these robot things that blow up everything and?

Xemnas: BACK TO MAOM!

Renault: *Is eating a hamburger with Pent* And did you hear of this great show? It's called Doctor Who!

Pent: Yeah, I think I have heard of it?

Xemnas: Um, you guys are on!

Renault: Bah, it's our break. Go back to Marcus or Old Marcus.

Xemnas: Whatever. Anyways, Marcus was running as fast as he could go, which wasn't very fast.

Marcus: I have to find Harken! He's so much stronger than me, he could destroy those mean people!

Harken: *Is right there* Hi.

Marcus: Uh? Hey, could you destroy the mean people?

Harken: I will? if you do me a favor.

Marcus: What?

Harken: Assassinate Isadora the Explorer.

Marcus: But? I'm too weak!

Lowen: Ha! He admits it!

Marcus: How did you get here?

Lowen: I've always been here, ever since there was that deal with the nuclear explosion! I'm a Survivalist!

Marcus: Uh? Okay. Why can't Lowen assassinate Isadora the Explorer?

Harken: Because Lowen got RNG screwed.

Lowen: It wasn't fair!

Harken: It never is.

Marcus: Okay, I will assassinate Isadora the Explorer for you. Where is she now?

Cell Phone Guy: Can you hear me now?

Marcus: No, I asked 'where is she now.'

Cell Phone Guy: Oh? *Leaves*

Guy: Hey, I'm Guy!

Cell Phone Guy: *Doesn't leave* Yeah, and I'm Cell Phone Guy.

Guy: So you're me with a cell phone?

Cell Phone Guy: No. *Leaves*

Guy: Oh? *Leaves*

Harken: Uh? She will be on the set of Isadora the Explorer in thirty minutes on the Bern production lot.

Wil: Very soon, Haar. Very soon. But first, Saar. What do you have that makes you think you have an advantage over Haar?

Saar: I'm a General now!

Wil: Well, that might help. Let's check out this long, painful, and unnecessary montage of you getting the crap kicked out of you by Haar!

Sparky: It's montage time! *Plays montage*

Onscreen Saar: Oh yes, this match is mine!

Onscreen Wil: This was episode four of HAAR VS. SAAR. The target was the punk band Green Day.

Onscreen Green Day: We will destroy you with our political nonsense!

Onscreen Saar: This is where I'm better than Haar! I'm music resistant!

Onscreen Haar: You know, this isn't really a montage?

Onscreen Saar: Say what? What does that mean?

Onscreen Haar: Well, Wil will obviously put this into a montage, except it won't really be a montage.

Onscreen Saar: Oh?

Onscreen Green Day: Don't want to be an American Idiot!

Onscreen Saar: I'm music resistant!

Onscreen Haar: But are you eyepatch resistant? *Shoots a beam of the most powerful magic known to man from his eyepatch, destroying Saar and Green Day*

Onscreen Wil: We have a winner!!!

Sparky: And thus the not-really montage ends?

Wil: We all remember that, right? Well, there was the same outcome when the targets were Robo-Gates, Xemnas, Flavor Flave, Tupac, Bill Clinton, Chester Cheetah, the entire Keebler elf clan, Oprah Winfrey, people that spam a lot, The_Candyman_Den, and IHOP!

Saar: But that's all of them!

Wil: Duh! You suck!

Haar: And I rock!

Wil: Well, it's time for the rematch. After months of rigorous training, Saar believes he can finally defeat Haar, but can he? Well, we'll find out, after this commercial break!

Narrator: *Wakes up* Uh? What happened?? Wait, was I owned? Anyways? *Flips through script* Marcus was hired by Harken to assassinate Isadora the Explorer, but was distracted by Wil and was owned by Haar. We join him now.

Marcus: Ow, that hurt?

Haar: Eyepatch powers are not to be trifled with.

Marcus: *Looks at nonexistent watch* Oh, crud, look at the time! I have people to murder! *Runs off*

Wil: Haar, what did I tell you about the responsibilities of your eyepatch?

Narrator: So Marcus looked at the studio directory and saw that the Isadora the Explorer studio wasn't far away, so he slipped in unnoticed.

Isadora the Explorer: *On the stage* Hello, ninos!

Nino: Hello!

Isadora the Explorer: Can you see the red square?

Nino: I can!

Isadora the Explorer: ?

Marcus: *Talking to himself* Hey, what the heck am I going to kill Isadora the Explorer with?

Isadora the Explorer: Can you see the sharp spear?

Marcus: Hmm? Are there any pointy objects lying around?

Isadora the Explorer: Can you see the jagged sword?

Marcus: Come on, Marcus, think!

Isadora the Explorer: Can you see the sniper rifle?

Marcus: Ah ha! I have a spare junior edition pocket knife!

Isadora the Explorer: Go, Harkeniego, go!

Harken: I'm not here! Oh wait, I am here? Uh, bye?

Marcus: I have to wait until the moment is right, and then I strike!

Old Marcus: *Is sitting next to Marcus* Hello, son!

Marcus: How long have you been here?

Old Marcus: Since this morning! Me and Titania came!

Titania: It's a shame the Seth pulled off his skin, or he'd be here too!

Legault: I sent the Druids with Jaffar. Jaffar's gone Berserk and he's gonna kill you all! HA! *Hangs up*

Marcus: Uh-oh?

Random People: *Run out of the studio screaming*

Harken: Hey, it's a stampede! Lowen, let's join in!

Lowen: You betcha!

Jaffar: ?????????.

Marcus' Horse: Security!

Security: Huzzah!

Jaffar: *Kills Security*

Marcus' Horse: AAAAAAAAA! *Runs away*

Jaffar: *Turns towards Isadora the Explorer*

Isadora the Explorer: SUMBLIMINALMINDMESSAGEOFTHEDAYDON'TKILLME!

Jaffar: *Turns away from Isadora the Explorer*

Old Marcus: This is the best show ever! Right, Titania?

Titania: Heck yes!

Nino: Hey, it's Jaffar!

Jaffar: ?????????.

Nino: Jaffar?

Jaffar: ????????? *Inches towards Nino*

Nino: AAAAAAAAAAA!

Jaffar: *Throws daggers at Nino*

Daggers: *Are flying through the air*

Nino: *Is standing where the daggers will land*

Narrator: We now interrupt this presentation for a commercial break!

Bern Tourist Guide: Need a guide of Bern? THEN LOOK NO FURTHER!

Karel: *Changes the channel*

Lucius: Hey, change it back! I wanna see what happens to Nino!

Karel: Fine! *Changes it back*

Police Officer: Only thirty more minutes of TV time, punks!

Narrator: Now back to our feature presentation!

Nino: *Does 'The Matrix' and dodges daggers*

Old Marcus: Well, that was cheap.

Harken: Hey, what's up? That stampede was lame, so I came here for no reason except to provide a perfect opportunity to get killed by Jaffar and thus be the character that gets killed!

Jaffar: ??????? *Jumps at Harken*

Harken: Except you forgot one thing, Jaffar.

Jaffar: ???????. *Unsheathes daggers*

Harken: I'm the best prepromote in the game! *Stabs Jaffar*

Jaffar: ???. *Dies*

Nino: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Readers: But Jaffar isn't a main character!

Harken: I know. That means someone else will die before the chapter ends!

Readers: Gasp!

Marcus: But who?

Old Marcus: What even qualifies you for main charactership?

Lowen: I'm a main character!

Harken: No, you're not.

Lowen: Ah, man!

Nino: Jaffar is dead!

Marcus: We know that.

Narrator: I can't take it anymore! *Jumps off of a tall building*

Marcus: Of course! The Narrator was the least expected one to die!

Old Marcus: How is this fic going to work without a Narrator?

Lowen: I'll be the Narrator!

Harken: Whatever.

Lowen: That wraps up Season 1 of MAOM! What will happen next season? Who is Mystery Agent X? Why did the Narrator commit suicide? All will be revealed? In Season 2!

This is the final chapters. I hope everyone thought this story was humorous. It's the only fanfic I ever thought was worth reading, and it comes from ye olde FEW days.
Edit2: Just noticed the broken apostraphes, I'll fix that tomorrow.

Man, this is... 6 years old. At least. I feel like we've unearthed some kind of ancient artifact.

Anyways, if anyone is wondering, I really did make these, on Nsider1. They were written as a parody of all the ridiculous Marcus-bashing that went on on the forums. I'll have to reread them to see if they're decent or not.

You joined Oldsider at most six years ago. I forget whether you joined in March or May.

I remember I thought it was funny five years ago, but then, that was five years ago. We were what, 13? If it's not decent you'll have to post FESDUV to show how well you can write now, and then you'll have to finish writing it, finally!

You joined Oldsider at most six years ago. I forget whether you joined in March or May.

I remember I thought it was funny five years ago, but then, that was five years ago. We were what, 13? If it's not decent you'll have to post FESDUV to show how well you can write now, and then you'll have to finish writing it, finally!

I joined Oldsider May 2, 2006, so I would have been 13 then.

I don't think I wrote this until I was 14 though. Still... a looong time ago. I'm amazed anyone still remembers it, let alone thinks it's brilliant enough to warrant a demidecade reposting. I wonder if he has FEUV

I'm thinking of writing a ThraciUV over the summer. I thought about posting FESDUV here but it kinda requires having read FESSUV to get, and I'm not posting FESSUV here because 1. formatting issues 2. questionable quality and 3. too many inside jokes.

xD I always thought this story was worth keeping. The randomness is lame sometimes, but some parts of this truly deserve to be memes, yanno? Not only that, but it'd make a hilarious game if you cleaned it up and interpreted the script into a game in such a way as to actually be funny and cohesive.

Edit: And what are all of those acronyms? I have a couple other fan stories but I'm not sure about what "FEUV" is.

Well Ogma kind of explains everything in Ch 2 anyways, but the Gerik Mercenaries show up halfway through. What am I supposed to do to explain them?

I'm sure you can come up with something.

Edit: And what are all of those acronyms? I have a couple other fan stories but I'm not sure about what "FEUV" is.

FEUV is Fire Emblem: The Unedited Version. Banzai made it around the same time as MAOM. He also made versions for Sacred Stones and Shadow Dragon (FESSUV and FESDUV). FESSUV was finished, but FESDUV only goes up to Ch20 so far, I believe. FEPoRUV was even stranger than the others, and didn't work out. I recall one of the problems was going too far to differentiate it from Radiance Theatre, an FE9 story which someone compared to the UV series. If you're familiar with it, Banzai gave a quite apt comparison along these lines:

Radiance Theatre sticks mostly to the plot of the game, whereas I pillage and rape the plots of the games.

Well in that case I don't have any of those, just ome other fan stories that are kinda funny but yet not. Anyway, I've been preserving MAOM for like 7 years, so you're welcome I guess, unless you're ashamed it's seen the light of day again xP