Motivating someone who just doesn't care

Hi all, my husband was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes 1 year ago and it's been a downhill ride every since. He stopped taking care of his health when our daughter was born, and only went to the doctor when he was peeing every 5 minutes, had dry mouth so severe he could barely breathe, and was sleeping 18 hours a day. Sure enough, he was diabetic. In fact, his sugar level was in the 600's!He was put on a very strict insulin regiment and diet, and his levels went back to normal within a month. Taken off insulin and put on metformin, and life was good.Now we're sitting at 1 year later, and he's worse than ever, because he just doesn't seem to care. He will test his blood sugar, maybe, once a month, and it's always in the 200/300's. He eats whatever he wants, he never exercises, and I'm at the end of my rope.We have a 2 year old, and I can't trust him alone with her because I never know if he will have a sugar crash, or fall asleep from a sugar high. I don't have enough energy to keep trying to get him to care about his health while I'm left taking care of our child, our pets, our house, etc. I'm tired of picking up the slack every time he feels tired, or sick, or angry, when he won't do anything about it. I know it's reactions to the sugars. I had gestational diabetes and did plenty of research when he was diagnosed. When his sugars are good, he's awesome. When they aren't good, I don't want to be part of this family anymore.Help!

4 replies

I am sorry to hear you are going through that. It's tough. My husband was scared straight once his doctor asked him if he would like to see his daughter graduate high school (she had just started Jr. High). That's when he let me be his partner in this disease. He still has his moments :) But now that I was diagnosed 4 months ago, it has renewed his dedication to his management of his diabetes.

I have a friend whose husband is just like yours. I just found out he's on dialysis ! He ate whatever he wanted and never checked blood sugars.

It is going to be hard to motivate him. He has got to want to care about his health and being around to see his daughter grow up. He has to want to keep both legs, his vision and his organs functioning as normally as possible. Diabetes can be a slow death. He has got to want to live. If he has totally given up, motivating him is going to be a job all by itself.

He may need to speak with a therapist to get to the root of his problems. You should also be as active in this as possible. Unfortunately, you can't force people to be responsible for thier own health adding a disease only makes it worse. For some reason he simply doesn't care enough about his health to take care of it. Some people have to hit rock bottom before they can rise again or as they say a brick has to hit him in the head for him to wake up and realize that he can be a healthy diabetic and enjoy his life with you and your daughter. That is a choice only he can make.

I don't blame you at all for not wanting to leave your daughter alone with him. He could pass out while holding her and injure her if he falls. She isn't able to call for help for him. As for not wanting to be a part of the family anymore is a decision only you can make. Only you can weigh the pros and cons of your marriage.

The one thing you can't do is to harp on him about it. That will only make him more defiant and he will not do what he knows he needs to do. Call his doctor and talk to him or go with him to the doctors if you can get him to go. The doctor may be able to talk to him or recommend mental health care. Good luck to you and your family. Stay strong.