My 13 year old daughter's attitude is terrible, she will not stick to any rules of the house she doesnt understand - 'NO' she used to be so nice until she went to senior school - any advice - please ...

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Jo - posted on 04/19/2009

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Thanks to everyone - makes me feel loads letter to know others are out there the same - i was starting to feel like i'd failed - Cheryl was right - my no's have always meant maybe !!! I'm going to be strong though this time - thank you all

Can I ask if she has any chores, responsibilities and how does pocket money and treats work? If non of these are in place, this is where I'd begin. Start treating her like an adult and give her adult responsibilities and let her know that bad attitude be gets, bad attitude and that you WILL revoke, pocket money or what ever privileges she has and stick to it. But most of all....keep talking to each other and let her know that you're not the enemy, you're the best friend she's ever going to have in her life.An idea might be to encourage one of your parents, if it's possible, to talk to your daughter and tell her stories of what a monster YOU was, but with the underlying message of how it upset them or something and the consequences you received and how they did it because they loved you and wanted you to grow up be a decent human being. I think it can sometimes help to show kids that their parents weren't always parents with responsibilities if you know what I mean. It certainly worked for me. My mum and me are great friends and apart from the odd argument (were very similar temperaments) we have always been very close and to this day call each other several times a week.

Agree with Jen..just stick with it!!!...but make sure you are in control. My daughter never spoke to me for a week.Just blanked out...but then i received a note left on the bed apologising!!!. I will never know why...but she turned out the best!"

Spend time with her doing activities you enjoy and she enjoys and that instill good values like hard work and helping others. Also, enforce your rules. If a kid isn't accepting No then it is probably because you are caving in sometimes which means that your No means Maybe. If this is extremely recent, then keep up rule enforcement and punishments. Kids test the boundaries every so often, especially when they are in a new environment with new rules. Be patient and good luck!

Welcome to teenland!!!lol My daughter is 16 years old and went through the same attitude problem. She is my only child and was always a really good kid. From my understanding this is very normal but that doesn't mean they get to get away with stuff.

Stay on top of her and keep the line of communication open. Hopefully the attitude will change in time.

I have a 13yr old daughter as well and I have already been through this with the older daughter as well. I think it is just normal at this age for girl to test their limits. Choose your battles is all I know. Stick to the rules, they need that security at this age because everything else in their lives are out of wack. Have an open ear...listen....It is so easy at this age for them to get off track. I drove my mom crazy at this age and she never gave in to me...and I love her and trust her. They face so many things at this age: hormones, their identity, peer pressure.... Watch for withdrawn signs and depression too.....it may take help. Its just the age....forget terrible 2's....12 & 13 yr old girls wll make you nuts. Let your no be no and dont change it or they never grow out of it. Too they do want to understand the why's. Because I said so just doesnt do it.....