Do I dare confess I don’t drink vodka?

Is it possible that i have missed some kind of revolution here…? Am I the only blogging mum who doesn’t understand the importance of vodka? Because it seems references to it are everywhere. I’m beginning to think that maybe you ladies are onto something- the qualities of vodka in direct relation to coping with small children (or teenagers. or tweens. any offspring, really) are sorely underrated.

Not that I don’t have my addictions, believe me, I do. I come from a very, very long line of people with addictive personalities. One side of my family is particularly twisted and depressing, and includes gambling problems, alcohol addictions, compulsive shopping and serious nose picking problems… oh, sorry, it’s you. My apologies, for a moment there I thought I was talking to my shrink.So, where was i? Ah yes.. with that kind of history, I’m actually quite lucky that the worst I came out with was a serious nicotine addiction. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not a slummy mummy who has a fag hanging out of her mouth while she pushes her kid on the swing at the playground. I reserve my cigarette smoking for when the kids are asleep. But when they do sleep, well, just call me a chimney **insert filthy smokers cough here**.

It’s got to stop, really. But honestly, I don’t drink, so the vodka is out for me, my husband refuses to give me gratuitous cunnilingus or back massages, and the last time I had a joint was years ago. What else is a women supposed to do for stress relief?

I always say I'd be an alcoholic if A. I could afford it; and B. If I didn't have to pick my kids up from school at 2 different times of the day.

I did do the smoking thing for the last 4 years or so, but quite when the kids realized the health implications. It wasn't worth the looks on their faces every time I lit up. Like: I know you're going to sprout a gigantic pustule of cancer right this second, which means you won't be around for me to terrorize you tomorrow.

Anyway, now I just stick with my food addiction. That one is a little harder to kick.

And if you ever do put your babes up for auction on ebay, call me. We might be able to work out a package deal. Buy 1 Get 1.