Mom Interview #1 ~ Husband rescues and dealing with loneliness

Oh my gosh y’all, this is it, the moment I’ve been waiting for for weeks. (maybe even months) Its time for our very first Mom Interview. I’m jumping up and down inside from sheer excitement. This is such a heart project for me personally because I know I struggle with judgement due to lack of understanding. Being the type of person I am, I can usually see different sides of things and understand them given time. Because of this I really enjoy getting to know peoples reasons behind things. This helps me be able to connect with them but also be empathetic to others who might be doing or going through the same things. This is where this project started, my desire to help other moms, and people really, understand people who are different from them. I struggle with people judging me as well, even my own family but it’s because they just don’t understand, not because they don’t love me. So together, lets take a step toward eliminating mom-shaming and grow in our own knowledge of others.

Each interview will look pretty similar with the exception of a question here or there. I figured we might all want to know generally the same information about each other. The different questions will touch on their own personal mom situation. You’ll hear from stay at home moms, homeschooling moms, working moms, stepmoms… the list goes on and on. You’ll be given a chance to follow them on social media and see a few pictures to put a face with the interviewee. These are real mom’s with real struggles and I’m inspired by each one of them.

She’s a stay at home mom and she’s basically my spirit animal. Her interview had me constantly saying “Yesgirl” because it is so relatable for me. I can’t wait to hear what y’all think of these because in reading each interview, my heart has been changed. That’s my hope for you as well!!

1.Tell the blog about yourself, we’ll get to the mom part later, we want to know YOU!! {Name, where you’re from, what you did before becoming a mom, if you’re married or have a significant other and how long, hobbies, passions, what books/podcasts/music you enjoy, etc}

My name is Michelle and I’m a 29-year-old stay at home mom to twin boys who are 1 ½ years old. My husband and I have been married about 3 years and live in the Pittsburgh area. We really want to live on one of the Carolina coasts but all of our free babysitters are here (aka: our family).
I like to bake and cook and my husband and I’s favorite thing to do together is visit local breweries and wineries to try all their new offerings. Before I became a SAHM I was a paralegal working in child welfare. I went to college for Criminology and Psychology and had hopes to become a police officer, but decided against it at the last-minute. Paralegalism was close enough to the law for me!

Michelle

2.When did you become a mom? How many kids do you have? You don’t need to share names but ages would be cool!

The twins are my first (and probably last) children, so I became a mom for the first time about 1 ½ years ago.

3.Tell us what made you choose to be a stay at home mom? What were the factors involved in your decision?

We didn’t debate too much about me being a SAHM. It was sort of an easy decision for us. My husband makes enough for us to live comfortably, and it wasn’t like my career was booming or anything–I was basically doing glorified clerical work. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, there just wasn’t much room for upward movement where I was.
We talked about whether we wanted to send our children to daycare (no, the costs are astronomical) and if we wanted to ask family members to take care of our kids during the week (no to that as well). Deciding whether or not one parent should stay at home can be a tough decision, but the path for us was pretty clear from the beginning. We are very lucky.

4.What motivates you to keep going on the days you really would rather not?

The reason I started the blog and my side hustle was to open up opportunities for myself to earn an income. As a SAHM, I don’t have a lot of options because there are virtually no jobs that allow you to take an unscheduled break if your kid(s) decides that he wants to cling to your leg for 30 minutes straight.

I don’t need to earn an income, but I want to. My ultimate goal is for our family to become financially independent, and every little bit that I earn goes toward that goal. I don’t want to have to ever go back to the 9-5 grind and I want my husband to get out of it as quickly as possible. I don’t believe in working until the age of 65–that’s too long. We have so many things we want to do together as a family, but we are held back by my husband’s work schedule. I want to own our time–that’s what keeps me motivated.

5.I’ve recently discovered podcasts and am OBSESSED, have you ever listened to them? If yes, what are some of the ones you’re most into right now.

I have listened to a podcast or two, but I don’t really listen to any religiously. When the twins are awake, I can’t concentrate (or sometimes even hear) on what the podcaster is saying. And when they are sleeping, I just want the quiet.

6.So when I was inspired to start Grace in the Wait I was in a season of waiting (and still am). What did your waiting season look like where you were just believing for something but knew it just wasn’t the right time, like something needed to be learned in this season to propel you into the next?

I’m in a waiting season right now, and probably will be for at least the next 10 years! Like I mentioned, our family is working toward becoming financially independent. That means gradual wealth building which takes a lot of time. Our official goal is to have my husband retire, or at least downgrade to a less demanding job, by the age of 50 (he’s 36 now). My secret goal is to do by the time he’s 46 though (fingers crossed).

6A.What steps are you taking to accomplish this goal? Do you have it mapped out?

We haven’t gotten too far into saving for early retirement yet because we are building a house and need to wait until we get our finances settled back down post-closing. All the money we save now is going to toward the down-payment. However, we have started a budgeting system and have talked a lot about what we are going to do with our money once we get everything back in order. Our plan is to pay off my husband’s school loan outright (our last debt except the house) and start investing heavily in the stock market and eventually real estate. I think we can start there, see how it’s going, and make any changes needed as we go along.

7.List a few things you wish people would understand or not judge about your momming situation or lifestyle? Explain.

Oh, I could go on for a while about this. Having twins is not the same as having one child on ANY level.
When I was pregnant, I was SO sick in the beginning that I basically didn’t leave the couch for the entire first trimester and a little bit into the second. I felt horrible. It was the hardest 3 months of my life, save for the first three months of having newborn twins.
And it always felt like everyone around me thought that I was just “milking it”. People would suggest that I just “get up and go outside” because the fresh air was supposed to magically cure the double dose of morning sickness I was feeling. Or they would make comments on the fact that I wasn’t being active and it wasn’t healthy for my babies.
It used to make me so upset, but then I realized that all of the people making these comments have never had twins. They don’t know what it’s like. They CAN’T know what it’s like. So now I just do what I need to do and ignore any side-eyed glances I get from people.

8.If there was one thing you could tell your younger self what would it be and why?

Save your money! Oh, my goodness. Save. Your. Money. I so wish I now had all the money that I blew back then on drinks at the bar, makeup, clothes, etc. None of it matters now, and I have nothing to show for it!

9. What is the hardest part of being a stay at home mom?”

The hardest thing about being a SAHM is probably that indescribable feeling you get where you’re always lonely but at the same time desperately craving some time alone.

As a SAHM, you’re basically never alone. All day you’re with your children, who you love and adore, but who also can’t carry on an adult conversation. It’s not the same as having your husband, a family member or friend around. You start to crave company and feel extraordinarily lonely.

But at the same time, you also just want two quiet seconds to sit down and be alone with your thoughts. To remember that you’re a real person, with thoughts and dreams, rather than a milk pouring, diaper changing, snack giving robot. Sure, there’s naps, but they are filled with tasks like prepping dinner, doing laundry, and finally eating a bite of lunch.

It’s a weird feeling. I haven’t quite been able to put my finger on it yet, but it’s there.

10. What things do you do to help with the loneliness of being a SAHM?

I’m actually not very good at doing anything about this. I usually let it get to the point where I’m boiling over, and then I end up having a good cry session and feel better afterwards. I think a lot of being a SAHM is just venting, because there’s really not a lot you can do about your situation right now. Having young children and taking care of them all day is just difficult–there’s no way around it.

Especially since I can’t just go out to the store at the drop of my hat if I feel like I need a second to remember that there are other people living on the Earth besides me and my twins. The twins don’t allow anything to happen “at the drop of a hat”. It’s not like I can just carry them both around wherever I need to go. It’s not that easy.

11. What challenges you are currently facing with parenting?

My major challenge is being outnumbered all the time. I’ve gotten to the point where I can take care of their needs simultaneously most of the time, but it just wears on you after a while. Secondly, it’s just lack of time for self-care. I think that’s a problem that pretty much everyone has. Mainly my issue is that 1 1/2 years later I still can’t fit into most of my pre-baby clothing, and I struggle finding the time and energy to really do the meal planning and working out required to lose the excess baby weight. I don’t feel comfortable at this weight, but it’s hard to find the time to take care of the problem. It doesn’t help that buying a whole new wardrobe to fit my new body type really doesn’t fit into our budget goals, either.

12. Did/do you suffer from Postpartum Depression or Anxiety? Share your story or any advice you might have that has helped you.

I don’t think so. I cried almost every day, but I think that was a mixture of 2x the post-pregnancy hormones and complete and total exhaustion. I get extremely emotional when I’m very tired, so everything I was feeling was just amplified. Eventually, all the emotions started to fade when the twins started sleeping longer stretches of time at night.

13. What do you think makes your parenting style different from other parents?

We are very routine oriented, because with two babies you have to be. For example, my sister has a little boy a few months younger than the twins are, and he just naps whenever and only if he wants to. If he doesn’t take a nap that day, it’s no big deal. In our house, a napless day is a complete crisis. We schedule our entire days around naps and bedtime. We miss out on a lot of things because of our routines, and I think sometimes people think we are nuts–but I don’t care. Dealing with two cranky, overtired babies who feed off of each other when they are having a meltdown is something I will avoid at ANY cost.

14 Tell us how we can keep up with you. Website, FB, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube.

I don’t do Instagram or Youtube–I’ve gotta draw the line somewhere. There’s only so much time in the day!

15. This last thing is an idea I got from a podcast I love. Share with us your 3 favorite things right now. This could be anything, a book, a favorite restaurant, your favorite coffee flavor, your favorite song, your PJ’s, TV show, laundry detergent lol… anything at all.

1. My Dustbuster. I have a feeling this is going to be my favorite thing for the next 17 years.

2. The twins’ Radio Flyer Wagon. It’s a double seater so that I can take them on walks. They hate riding in their stroller, but they LOVE their wagon. Sometimes I just need to get out of the house and into the fresh air!

3. My library card. I have recently started getting into reading personal finance books, and with my library card I can read the books for free! Plus, then when I’m done with them I don’t have them cluttering up my shelves like I would if I bought the book.