I architec­ted and im­plemen­ted a multi-million dol­lar eCom­merce sys­tem using the cream of the Perl crop. We joined the com­mun­ity, con­tributed to pro­jects and have suc­ceeded in de­ploy­ing a st­able, high per­for­mance site. Now let me tell you all the shit I did wrong. De­ad­locks, for­gott­en fea­tures, data loss, lack of re­port­ing, ter­rible schemas and gener­al nin­compoope­ry will as­s­ist you as we take a whirlwind tour of how NOT to build the fu­ture of your com­pany. Revel in my tri­als and tri­bula­tions as I la­ment poor database struc­ture, bad team man­age­ment and ter­rible de­velop­ment prac­tices. Maybe you'll learn from my failures. I've taken the time to point out some les­sons lear­ned while I was at it. It wasn't all bad and it's my hope that you will be­nefit from my mis­takes.