Isaac, You Are Not the Father Is The New Andrew, You Are Not the Father

As regular readers of our site know, we love the Maury Povich DNA paternity test shows. Riveting TV. We think these shows should be in prime-time. Just as quality television as Mad Men, Community, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Walking Dead and American Idol.

And as you know, of all of the potential fathers who were not the father, Andrew (here) is by far and away our favorite.

However, Andrew now has a challenger to his throne.

Meet Isaac (above video).

The one minute and forty seconds of this video is so captivating, we’d confidently stack it up again almost any one minute and forty seconds of video ever produced. You’ll be glued. We’re so impressed with it, in fact, we breakdown all key elements of the video after the jump.

0:00 – 0:10 – Emmy-award winning editing. In just 10 seconds we get all of the exposition we need to be emotionally invested in this story. We meet Isaac (protagonist), Lisa (who claims Isaac is the father of her baby), and DeLois (the grandmother). We know Isaac is angry as he believes he is falsely accused of being the father of Lisa’s baby.

0:10-0:13 – This segment establishes how happy Isaac will be when he finds out the baby is not his. He’s going to do backflips through the crowd (although maybe he meant cartwheels but who cares) and that it’s going to be “crazy.”

0:14-0:36 – Key to the story arc. With the backstory out of the way, Isaac is now established as the villain. He’s been accused of the being the baby’s daddy. He doesn’t want to be the baby’s daddy. When asked if he’ll be in the baby’s life if he finds out he is the daddy, he says “no.” Looks like a bad guy, right? But he says “no” because he’s THAT convinced he’s not the daddy. He makes his case in the court of public opinion (the audience) that he doesn’t look anything like the baby (we agree, btw). The audience boos. Will Isaac ultimately be vindicated? You know the answer to that.

0:37-0:42 – The big reveal. Maurey has the manilla envelope. What do the results say? Is Isaac the father as Lisa and DeLois claim? Or, as he’s claimed all along, is he the innocent victim of false accusations?

0:42-0:43 – WWWOOOOOOOOWWWW!!! Isaac is not the father.

0:44-0:45 – Isaac delivers. He promised that when it was revealed that he wasn’t the father, that it’d be “crazy.” Isaac it turns out is a man of his words.

0:46-0:48 – Greatest two second of television history?

Whoever wins the 2011 WSOP Main Event absolutely must–we repeat MUST–do this after the final card falls.

0:49-0:50 – If we did one of our standard “Winners/Losers” columns, clearly Lisa would fall into the “Losers” category here. She thought Isaac was the father. He was not. She goes backstage to cry. While only a second of the video itself, the shot of Lisa going backstage is critical to a forthcoming scene.

0:51-0:55 – So maybe he’s not Mitch Gaylord, and maybe that wasn’t quite a backflip or a cartwheel, but Isaac proves he’s got some wicked gymnastic chops.

0:56-0:59 – Lisa finds comfort on the Sofa of SolaceTM.

1:00-1:08 – Isaac coins what will surely be one of the most popular phrases of the 2010’s: “I ain’t that pappy!” Somehow we need to have this replace “Pass the sugar” or “Ship it” in our poker lexicon. We can just see Ben Lamb fading a two-outter on a key hand during the November Nine, and while he’s raking in a huge pot, telling Martin Staszko, “Martin, I AIN’T THAT PAPPY!”

1:09-1:12 – Remember that one second establishing shot of Lisa going to the Sofa of SolaceTM earlier? It was really important to the end result of this whole fiasco. This segment is where all of the exposition and establishment of Isaac as the villain (albeit falsely accused) comes to a head. Now, we love us some spite. Pretty well documented. And for sheer “pouring salt on the wound” spitefulness, what Isaac does here ranks up there with some of the all-time greatest spiteful moments in TV history. It’s the last time we see Isaac, and it’s a fitting exit. While he was established as the villain, he was also wrongfully accused, and this is his parting shot to Lisa, DeLois, and the world. Sure, he’s a villain, but like Hans Gruber, he’s a villain we can love.

1:13-1:40 – Credit Maury for always bringing us back to the emotional center. Ultimately, I think we can all agree that Lisa is better off that Isaac was NOT the father. Frankly, we just never saw Isaac and Lisa together “as a couple.” You know how sometimes you see two people together and you just get it, like, “yeah, that makes sense.” We never got that with Lisa and Isaac. It’s probably hard for Lisa to understand this right now, but years down the road, she’ll be glad that Isaac was not the father. Reading in between the lines, that’s what Maury was telling Lisa as well.

* Thanks to reader Brian for the tip on this video.

** For a Maury clip of a non-father successfully executing a backflip, go here.