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You say L told you she was on the Pill, so you two started fucking bareback. How soon after you'd met her did you decided this? Was G fine with it? Did she even know?

Did you ever see L's BCPs in her apartment or purse, or see her taking any in the morning? Were both of you tested before having unprotected sex? Did you see her test results?

I also was reminded of the 2 times L was slipped roofies and even coke once. Is it possible she was raped those nights and didn't remember? You also said you 2 broke up and she was seeing some other guy, M. It's possible this baby is his, right?

Also, you mentioned your wife G fucked a guy some time ago, who gave her chlamydia and then passed it to you... So G also had unprotected sex with this guy?

Woah baby. Fluid bonding is serious shit. You say L was no good at communicating clearly. How did you trust her to have sex with no condoms, if she is untrustworthy and uncommunicative? Your NRE blinded you to reality, and to safety.

I am not saying all this to rub salt into your current wounds. Just please, lesson learned here.

__________________Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Hey Mags - just saw your post over there... didn't see it had gone to another page!

How soon after we met? Admittedly, it was not very long. We had some brief unprotected contact initially and then decided to forego the condoms altogether after a few weeks. G knew about this of course. She was concerned about it, however. We had both been tested recently.

I did not see test results, or pills. I have nothing to go on here but her word, and L gets very combative when put on the defensive. I'm not pushing her on ANYTHING until Friday is over.

When L was roofied, I don't think she was raped - it's possible, but unlikely. There is some possibility that this fetus is someone else's DNA, but the timeline (according to her) places it on me.

Yes, G had unprotected sex with her previous lover, from whom we got Chlamydia. She basically didn't have protected sex with him at all.

My current opinions about L are affected by current knowledge and a lot more experience. At the time we decided to go bareback, she seemed very open and honest.

Absolutely agreed that this is a lesson-learning situation, and both G and I were far to trusting, far too soon, and yes, lesson learned.
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In other news, L says she has an appointment on Friday to abort. We'll see if she goes through with it. I offered to be there, and she said she just wants to be alone for a few days, and if she changes her mind and needs me there, she'll let me know. I want to give her as much space as she needs, and I'm still kinda skeptical about this whole thing.

Is she actually pregnant? Is this just more drama she's cooked up to draw me in? If she is, is it mine? Was she ever on the pill? Was I straight-up duped? I have so many questions, and no answers other than what she says, so essentially, no real answers at all.

Anyhow, I'm not pushing anything until after this is done, then I can begin a quest for the truth.

I've hesitated to comment, because I wanted to make sure I could communicate my thoughts clearly. That said, ...

My husband is similar in that he trusts his gut a bit more than I am often comfortable with. Some of that is because we are different in that regard, he tends to take people at face value and go with that, and I tend to trust no one fully until they've earned it and that can take years. Which doesn't mean that he will go willy nilly into any situation and it doesn't mean I don't let people in at all. But I do tend to take almost everything people say "with a grain of salt", until they've stuck around long enough for me to see if their words and actions are in tandem. Even then, when it concerns health issues and life changing/altering things... it takes a whole hell of a lot for me to trust someone in matters that have such ground changing affects.

L reminds me of a few friends I have had in my life. Love them, but am no longer close friends because they breed drama into their lives. They make choices that bring drama, choose people that bring drama, choose careers and livlihoods that bring drama. If there's no drama, they get restless. When you're too close to that, drama ensues and sometimes you can get caught up in the whirlwind. It took me a while to see that what they said wasn't always the truth. Even longer to see that many times they didn't know they were being dishonest, their view of reality was so skewed that facts were different in their little world. This is probably part of the reason I don't trust very readily, actually.

I think maybe, once you get past the immediate drama, there are a couple of good talking points (I hate to say lessons, because that sounds like you're children)... for you and G to discuss seriously. Like if you're going to go without condoms with someone, when would that be, how would you discuss it, what would you require first... that sort of thing. Having these agreements in advance of NRE is important (and knowing you have to stick with it until you talk might help get you through the nekkid horny bad decision time period!) My hubs and I call these our "times of growth" . They can be good things coming from craziness, they can advance your communication by light years and they can make you stronger as a couple.

As far as L and the pregnancy... definitely keep an open mind. But I would definitely not do anything without proof. The fact that you asking her questions makes her "defensive" shows either that she's hiding something, or she is just very immature. I believe any sensible, mature, grown woman would understand that a situation such as this would involve a lot of discussion and questions and clarification.

I'm scared of what would happen if I were to get my partner pregnant. It's something we have discussed, but not acted on all that much. We agree that if it were to happen, at this point in my life, I'm not ready, and couldn't handle that responsibility. She already has a child who needs her time and attention too. We have unprotected sex. Neither of us have diseases, but there is the possibilty of pregnancy still. We have talked about contraception of many kinds and one of us always feel it's not something we'd enjoy [me using a condom, her on the pill]. I just feel that's not enough though. I feel like I should just stop with the sex until something is sorted. Until it is a definite rule or something.

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__________________Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

I'm scared of what would happen if I were to get my partner pregnant. It's something we have discussed, but not acted on all that much. We agree that if it were to happen, at this point in my life, I'm not ready, and couldn't handle that responsibility. She already has a child who needs her time and attention too. We have unprotected sex. Neither of us have diseases, but there is the possibilty of pregnancy still. We have talked about contraception of many kinds and one of us always feel it's not something we'd enjoy [me using a condom, her on the pill]. I just feel that's not enough though. I feel like I should just stop with the sex until something is sorted. Until it is a definite rule or something.

I highly urge you not to risk it, being in the situation I am now in, I can tell you, it was not worth it.

That's a huuuuuge risk. I mean, I know there's the rhythm method and all but you definitely need a plan in place. Babies are pretty damn inconvenient and uncomfortable. Your instincts are dead on. You're right to think maybe you should stop for now.

According to Planned Parenthood, the withdrawal method is comparable to condoms in terms of birth control. Obviously, it provides zero STD protection, but it is something. It worked fine for my partner and I for 5 years before I got my IUD, and it worked fine for a friend of mine for 8 years (she broke up with the guy after that, not sure what she's using in her current relatioinship). People tend not to mention they're using that as a birth control method because it's pretty harshly looked at, but statistically speaking, it IS better than nothing. Just figured I'd throw that out there in case SG is using that and didn't want to say so.