What's a mom to do when sweet 'Lizzie' shows sexy sizzle?

February 21, 2006|By Maria Mooshil, Tribune staff reporter

Multiple posters of Disney teen queen Hilary Duff decorate the bedroom of my 7-year-old daughter, a "Lizzie McGuire" fan going way back to when she was 6. There's sweet-smiling Hil in the pink sweater. There's butter-haired Hil looking over her shoulder. There's Hil with the sleeveless top and choker necklace.

These are the welcome Hilarys, the ones who evoke the Disney Channel's hit show (2001-2004), featuring the likable, effervescent junior high student, her two best friends, clueless parents and a bratty little brother. Lizzie's high jinks at home and school made her -- and Duff -- an idol for tweeners and pretweens like my daughter, Anika.

FOR THE RECORD - This story contains corrected material, published Feb. 21, 2006.

But now there's a new Hil, one whom oglers might call Hil-a-ray, baby, she of the knowing look, smoldering eyes, hollowed-out cheeks and exposed cleavage. This Hil is gazing upon my daughter, and my daughter is gazing right back.

I do not want this Hilary in my house.

Now, I don't fault Hilary Duff for growing up -- she turned 18 in September -- and embracing (or even exploiting) her sexuality. She's flaunting it on the cover of the current issue of Cosmopolitan, in which she talks about her career, weight loss and 26-year-old boyfriend, Joel Madden, lead singer of the band Good Charlotte.

Even my daughter will one day be old enough to choose a plunging neckline and a soaring hemline, and I'll probably have to bite my tongue. But posters and magazine covers of a glammed-up pop-tart aren't appropriate for my 7-year-old.

My inclination is to assert parental authority, rip down the poster and forbid all contact with the beloved. But might that not alienate my daughter and perhaps drive her even closer to her hero? Just how should a parent best handle the fallout when their child's idol grows up to be a vamp?

Communicating with your child is the easy answer, but that job is getting tougher, say media observers and childhood experts, who lament that marketers are targeting children at younger and younger ages. And the fact is that we've grown accustomed to female child stars transitioning to adulthood by taking the sex-sells route, they say. Witness Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan.

"Most parents say, she's just changing her image, she's sexy now," says Dr. Don Shifrin, chairman of the American Academy of Pediatrics committee on communications, which puts out policy statements on children and the media. "It's like air pollution that we don't notice until we're choking."

And whether the "pollution" is coming from Hollywood or Madison Avenue, there's no way to censor the media, Shifrin says. So parents must filter media.

Liz Perle, editor in chief of Common Sense Media, an organization that helps families make media choices, agrees.

"There's a heavy burden on parents to manage the messaging," she says. "You can no longer just let them see their idols go through these moments unattended. You can't cover their eyes, so we have to teach them to see."

And how do you do that? Here are some pointers from the experts:

- Demystify media myths. Explain to your child that her idol probably is not as rebellious or sexy as the persona she portrays, says Audrey Brashich (the name as published has been corrected here and in a subsequent reference in this text), author of "All Made Up: A Girl's Guide To Seeing Through the Celebrity Hype and Celebrating Real Beauty."

"Parents need to find a way to talk about packaging and marketing and pick out examples to show the girls that certain things sell," Brashich says.

- View media as a diet. Parents need to be responsible for what goes into their child's brain, just as they are responsible for what goes into their child's mouth, Perle says.

"Saying no is completely acceptable," she says. "Once you look at media as a diet, it changes perspective on things. You need nutritious media."

- Question your child about media images and personalize it.

Helen Cordes, editor of Daughters, a national bimonthly print publication for parents and girls' advocates, has used this tactic with her daughters, now 18 and 12. With her older daughter, it was the Spice Girls, whose clothing choices of a decade ago seem tame in comparison with pop stars today, she says.

"The idea is to point out to a daughter how it seems as if all the singers, actresses, celebrities are marketed in a highly sexualized way at an earlier age -- consistently shown wearing revealing clothing and dancing, singing in ways that emphasize sex and sexuality," Cordes says. "And then ask her whether she thinks it would be a good idea if young women she knows should wear the same things and act the same way."

And if your child isn't buying your logic, stand your ground firm.

Children can be very accepting of their parents' reasoning, Perle says, however, "they also are going to push back. But you need to say: `I don't think she is a good role model for you.'"

Media critic Jean Kilbourne, author of the forthcoming book "So Sexy So Soon: The Sexualization of Childhood," says keeping your child safe from images that are taken from "the world of pornography" is paramount.

"You do your best to make her understand, and if she doesn't understand you, take [the poster] down. It's the same as if she put an Absolut vodka poster on her wall. You'd take it down."

Coda: After several discussions with Anika about why the new Hilary doesn't deserve to share wall space with the old Hilary, she took the poster down without a fuss. We replaced it with a "The Chronicles of Narnia" movie poster.