I
was at the bar last Saturday, you'll never guess who walked in
It was the devil and he's the master of all unholy sin
He said to me, "I challenge you to a duel"
I said, "Devil, if you think you can out drink me, you're a fool!"

Chorus I:

So
now I'm drunker than Satan
With all of his violence and hating
You'd think he could out-drink a good old boy like me
And now the prince of darkness is out there
Puking on the carpet
And he ain't even through shot 19
'Cause on his fourth glass of Cuervo
He started puking up condemned souls
And that was before we opened up the Jim Beam

Verse II:

He
said he'd get my soul, if he were to win
I asked, "What do I get Devil, when you are forced to give in?"
He said to me, "If you out-drink me, I'll be surprised,
but if you do, you can name your own prize."

Chorus II:

So
now I'm drunker than Satan
With all of his violence and hating
You'd think he could out-drink a good old boy like me
And now the prince of darkness is out there
Puking on the carpet
And he ain't even through shot 19
'Cause on his fourth glass of Cuervo
He started puking up condemned souls
And that was before we opened up the Jim Beam

Verse III:

It
wasn't even midnight, when I found the prince of doom.
He was passed out on the floor, in the men's bathroom.
I told him, "It might be hard to get me my prize with your head so unclear,
the night is young, I know what I want: GET ME MORE BEER!"

Chorus III:

So
now I'm drunker than Satan
With all of his violence and hating
You'd think he could out-drink a good old boy like me
And now the prince of darkness is out there
Puking on the carpet
And he ain't even through shot 19
'Cause on his fourth glass of Cuervo
He started puking up condemned souls
And that was before we opened up the Jim Beam

The
other best song ever made:

Oh
Sh!t I Don't Feel So Good

Verse
I:

Had
a good time, here with my friends
At the Whiskey Barn singing "Drunker Than Satan" again
The whiskey kept flowing, the smiles did too
I felt pretty good, until I drank them last few

Chorus
I:

Oh
sh!t I don't feel so good
I shouldn't have drank so much whiskey, shouldn't have slammed so much whiskey,
shouldn't have chugged so much whiskey tonight
Oh sh!t I don't feel so good
I shouldn't have drank so much whiskey, shouldn't have slammed so much whiskey,
shouldn't have shot so much whiskey tonight

Verse
II:

I
felt pretty bad, not quite like a man
But then I remembered, I ridded Arkansas of Satan
And then I felt a little better, you know I ain't puked before in my life
I saw Satan puke a dozen times, but I won't puke even once tonight

Chorus
II:

But
oh sh!t I don't feel so good
I shouldn't have drank so much whiskey, shouldn't have chugged so much whiskey,
shouldn't have slammed so much whiskey tonight
Oh sh!t I don't feel so good
I shouldn't have drank so much whiskey, shouldn't have slammed so much whiskey,
shouldn't have chugged so much whiskey tonight
But HELL YES I know what I'm going to do
Tomorrow I will drink much more whiskey, I will shoot much more whiskey,
I will chug much more than I did tonight
HELL YES I know what I'm going to do
Tomorrow I'm a drink a whole lot more and I'm a feel real good
The rest of y'all drink responsibly
HELL YEAH!

The
most romantic song ever made:

Girl,
This Bed Is Too Big Without All 12 Of You

Verse
I:

You said you were going to Bentonville
for an important job interview
And you wanted one night off from the lovin' to sleep in your dorm room
This bed is built for 13 and you know that is true
The other 11 girls tried hard, but without all 12 of you I was a little blue

Chorus
I:

When
you left I didn't know what to do
Girl, this bed's too big without all 12 of you
When you were gone my heart just turned blue
Girl, this bed's too big without all 12 of you

Verse
II:

Brenda rubbed my shoulder and Mary rubbed
the other one
Sally and Jenny poured drinks and Sue and Beth got my feet done
Jodi danced with Patsy and Le Ann danced with Joan
Mindy danced with Kathy, but without you, poor Tammy had to dance alone (It
was so sad)

Chorus
II:

When you left I didn't know what to do
Girl, this bed's too big without all 12 of you
When you were gone my heart just turned blue
Girl, this bed's too big without all 12 of you

Verse
III:

The other 11 girls sure tried, but my
love is a heavy chore
They knew it'd be more fun, if we could have 12 girls like before
Mindy called her sister and she sure came through
And lucky for us, Mindy's sister is just as hot as you

Chorus
III:

Only
now, did my heartache improve
Because me and the girls decided that we would replace you
When you were gone my heart just turned blue
Until Mindy's sister came over and filled in real well for you
But I can't wait to see you back here tomorrow night
HELL YEAH!!!

"I'm
the straightest man in the world."

It's
Okay To Be Gay

Verse I:

My
friend Fred's gay
My friend Carl's gay
So, they don't date no girls
That's good for me because I need to date a lot of girls
Because I'm the straightest man in the world

Chorus
I:

So
it's okay to be gay
Some people ain't straight and they like it that way
Though it may seem strange
They shouldn't have to change just cause they ain't like me
They don't need to be the same

Verse
II:

If
you don't like gay folks
It's probably because of your insecurities
But I like gay folks
And the straightest man in the world is old Horatio Lee (and that's me!)

Chorus
II:

So
it's okay to be gay
Some people ain't straight and they like it that way
Though it may seem strange
They shouldn't have to change just cause they ain't like me
They don't need to be the same

Bridge:

It
ain't right to hate someone because they're different
The good lord didn't make us all the same
I'm the only man in this world who ever humiliated Satan by out-drinking him
And that makes me different
If you hate me because I'm different
I'll kick your ass

Chorus
III:

So
it's okay to be gay
Some people ain't straight and they like it that way
Though it may seem strange
They s houldn't have to change just cause they ain't like me
They don't need to be the same

"Merry Christmas!! Hell Yeah!!!"

I Like To Get Drunk And Ride My Horse On Christmas Day

Verse I:

Ain't no need to be so blueAin't no need to be so sadThere ain't no need to let your heart break so bad

Chorus I:

I Like To Get Drunk And Ride My Horse On Christmas Day
Bring my friends some kick-ass presents in my kick-ass sleigh
Saddle up and come on out and ride with me
And we'll all drink bourbon around the Christmas tree

Verse II:

Next time you're feeling sad and lonely
Remember I got horse named Macho Pony
And you've just got to believe
There's ain't no happier sight to see
Than Christmas morning watching Carl Dangers get drunk and ride his donkey

Chorus II:

I Like To Get Drunk And Ride My Horse On Christmas Day
Bring my friends some kick-ass presents in my kick-ass sleigh
Saddle up and come on out and ride with me
And we'll all drink bourbon around the Christmas tree

Bridge:

At Christmas I make a happy noise
Because at Christmas my heart floods with joy
Because at Christmas the content of my blood
Is 50% alcoholAnd 50% love

Chorus III:

I Like To Get Drunk And Ride My Horse On Christmas Day
Bring my friends some kick-ass presents in my kick-ass sleigh
Saddle up and come on out and ride with me
And we'll all drink bourbon around the Christmas tree
I Like To Get Drunk And Ride My Horse On Christmas Day
I'm the guy who sang Drunker Than Satan and It's Okay To Be Gay
And all my friends get drunk and they go ride with me
Even Carl saddles up on his little kick-ass donkey

Carl
Dangers' wonderful tribute to Horatio Lee Jenkins:

Horatio
Lee Jenkins Is My Friend

When
I walk into the bar, all the fellers yell:
"There's Carl Dangers! Ain't he swell?!
He's in a band with Horatio Lee Jenkins!!"