Warning : May contain more than your daily recommended allowance of randomness

new diet plan based on Michael Phelps’ success

U.S. swimmer Michael Phelps dominated the swimming contests at the 2008 Beijing Olympics. He won a record 8 gold medals in 8 events, and shattered 7 world records. How does he do it?

Well, our investigative staff here took a look at his daily routine. When asked what he was doing during the Olympics when not swimming, he replied, “I’m eating a lot of pasta and pizza. I’m eating a lot of carbs. And sleeping as much as I can.” I could do that! And I’d like to do that!

In preparation for the Olympics, he also swims a lot for training, which is expected, but so do all the other contestants. So what sets him apart? I’ve found that he eats over 12,000 calories per day! That’s not normal! So in the name of research, I’m going to start eating 12,000 calories per day to see if it makes me excel at what I do.

Phelps lends a new spin to the phrase “Breakfast of Champions” by starting off his day by eating three fried-egg sandwiches loaded with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions and mayonnaise.

He follows that up with two cups of coffee, a five-egg omelet, a bowl of grits, three slices of French toast topped with powdered sugar and three chocolate-chip pancakes.

At lunch, Phelps gobbles up a pound of enriched pasta and two large ham and cheese sandwiches slathered with mayo on white bread — capping off the meal by chugging about 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks.

For dinner, Phelps really loads up on the carbs — what he needs to give him plenty of energy for his five-hours-a-day, six-days-a-week regimen — with a pound of pasta and an entire pizza.

He washes all that down with another 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks.

For me, I’m going to substitute sweet tea instead of those energy drinks. I don’t know how many glasses of tea it will take to get those 1,000 calories, but I can handle it.

Of course, if my daily workout doesn’t keep up with this increased caloric intake, I run the risk of looking like this:

But I reckon someone should test out this crazy new diet plan, in the name of research…

Share this post:

Like this:

Related

About Buffet o' Blog

Laughing is good for you. So this blog is a buffet of randomness and humor. Most of the content here is original and thus exclusive to this site. I encourage everyone to participate in the comments section -- it makes it more fun for everyone.

Post navigation

Awesome! I love it!
I’m currently on a three-month backpacking trip around Europe, and due to all the muesli and random (a.k.a. infrequent) meals, my pants are just about falling off. I, too, need to bulk up. I like the sounds of a whole pizza…but I’m not so sure about all the mayonnaise detailed in the ‘diet’? Ich. What could I substitute instead? Some bread dipped in olive oil, perhaps?
As for the 1000 calories worth of energy drinks at night, I’m not so worried about the strange Sweet Tart flavor as I am the ‘energy’. How does the man sleep!? Or is that another key piece of the performance – extreme insomnia and sleep deprivation?
Once again, I’m liking it!!!http://wideawakeinwonderland.wordpress.com

For those with a fear of water, you could also try the cyslists diet:
“The highest recorded energy expenditure was recorded during one of the major mountainous stages – 9000kcal. The average daily intake was still over an impressive 6000kcal. ”

However, whereas cyclist is a stage competition are on their bike for anywhere between 4 and 7 hours a day, Phelps probably burns his calories in a shorter amount of time.

Or try Usain Bolts method of nutricial preparation:
“He was so relaxed that he said he prepared for his record-setting performance by sleeping in, not eating breakfast, watching TV, eating chicken nuggets for lunch, napping, eating some more chicken nuggets for dinner, and resting. He devoured some snack cakes during the postrace news conference and said he might also go to Burger King.” (from ESPN.com/Jason Stark)

I heard on TV that a large tub of buttered popcorn and a large Coke at the movies has about 2,000 calories. If so, that’s a good start towards 12,000 calories per day. It’s ironic, too, because popcorn is actually good for you. On the TV show that gave these statistics, they said that movie theaters tend to put 1 1/2 sticks of butter into one tub of popcorn.

Actually, I wish I had never known these statistics. Fortunately, I don’t remember everything, and I hope I forget all about these numbers.

About the popcorn, here’s what you do — just get a diet Coke. I see people do that all the time at restaurants — order the Wendy’s Baconator and large fries, but it’s justified by getting a diet Coke. And this is from people who must be trying to lose weight (b/c they need to). So it must make sense, somehow…