Tag Archives: sexy marriage

“You are responsible for your own orgasm,” my boyfriend told me. He was the guy I lost my virginity to, the guy I had my first orgasm with, and the guy whose words would one day become my mantra: I am responsible for my own orgasm. I believe that literally and figuratively. In bed, I play an active role in getting what I want. But I also take charge of getting what I want throughout my sexual life.

Not everyone feels comfortable sleeping naked, but it is important to understand the benefits of sleeping naked when it comes to not only your love life, but also your health and well-being. Sleeping naked can increase feel-good hormones in the brain, strengthen emotional ties and heighten both desire and intimacy between you and your partner. The following are just some of the benefits of sleeping naked: Continue reading →

As you can see, two of the top five involve sex, with infidelity finally jumping ahead of financial stress after many years of holding the top trouble spot. Sex, it seems, occupies an immensely important role in the success of couples, despite the fact that, according to the Kinsey Institute, the average number of times per week that sexual intercourse takes place is less than twice and that figure drops as couples age (as an aside, married couples tend to have more sex than single individuals who date). Is it possible we simply put too much importance on having a hot sex life when in fact a merely tepid one will be just as rewarding?

Synopsis: A water-resistant, 6.5″ long vibrator with a flared base, allowing for both clitoral and penetration stimulation.

Our Review: OVO, a new company from Germany, has introduced a very large line of products that we have been trying one by one all summer long. Our first review of their T1 vibrator revealed great design, quality build, and surprisingly low price relative to its performance. As with German manufacturer Fun Factory, Ovo excels in producing eye catching designs, their D1 being yet another example of visual pleasantry.

As with the Ovo T1, Ovo has once again gone with the understated approach with regard to packaging. The D1 is presented in a minimally sized white box, embossed with the Ovo logo, model identification, and small photograph of the item within. The top slides off easily to reveal the toy within, the D1 sitting snugly in its compartment awaiting removal. A tiny instruction booklet is tucked below the D1, which (as noted in our T1 review) may take reading specs to read as the print is tiny (our middle aged eyesight just wasn’t up to the task without glasses.Once in hand, the Ovo D1 feels solid, with the top vibrating tip finished in a satin texture, the control bottom constructed from smooth plastic. A simple twist separates the two halves for battery changing (the D1 comes ready to go with a AAA battery inside). To operate, one simply needs to twist the D1’s base clockwise to cycle through its five power settings.

Before we first put the Ovo D1 through its paces, we felt a tad disappointed that the product didn’t have any sort of programmable settings. In actual practice, however, we never really lamented this omission, and indeed the simplicity of having five power levels so easy to control proved to be a blessing. The top end is sufficiently powerful enough to evoke a clitoral orgasm in all but the most voracious power users and its silicone construction made the Ovo D1 great for insertion – especially with regard to vaginal AND anal stimulation. It was also an easy size to be able to move from external play with the clit to internal play for fulfillment and the D1 fit perfectly when using it during intercourse. After trying it in the shower, the D1 lived up to its water resistant claim, with no moisture getting into the unit. Our only quibble would be that the product emitted a rattling sound at its lowest power setting, which we had to solve by gripping the D1 more tightly or turning up the juice.

In conclusion, there’s a lot to like with the Ovo D1 vibrator; its price point is ridiculously cheap for such a quality sex toy and we’re impressed that the company stands behind their entire product line with a 15 year warranty. During a hectic summer it’s also been nice to have a new set of sex devices to motivate us into the bedroom (warm weather usually dulls our collective libido somewhat). If you’re looking for a great and inexpensive jolt to your bedroom proceedings, the Ovo D1 will accomplish both.

Interested in purchasing an Ovo D1 vibrator? Click here to visit our online store or here to visit Ovo’s website. Your support helps keep this site up and free for everyone!

Why was Ian such an amazing source? Because in nearly eight years of researching and writing Secret Sex Lives, Ian was my only interview who was happily married AND monogamous.

Unfortunately, that’s the very reason I ended up leaving Ian out of the book — Secret Sex Lives was about the fringes of American sexuality, not the normal. Then again, Ian isn’t the norm because not only is he happily married and monogamous, he and his wife have a very, very active and mutually pleasing sex life. In other words, they are wildly monogamous. And because of that, I think many readers will find him inspiring.

That’s why I’m sharing with you now the deleted Secret Sex Lives chapter devoted to the most impressive Ian Denchasy.

By the way, in this chapter you’ll read mentions of Coyote and Rex. They are two of my non-monogamous sources who remained in the book and believe their wives don’t know about their secret sex lives.

One day, while I was cruising the Internet, I happened upon FreddyandEddy.com, a site that reviewed sex toys and movies. FreddyandEddy is run by Ian and Alicia Denchasy, a happily married, monogamous couple.

Happily married and monogamous. I couldn’t imagine. I emailed Ian immediately.

They’d started the site solely to spark more sex – and more passionate sex – into their marriage, he replied.

Three days later I called Ian. Practically the first words I spoke were, “Did this help your sex life?”

Ian was an elementary school teacher in the Los Angeles enclave of Bel Air when his son was born and, as a result, his sex life with his wife Alicia went “down the toilet” – to use Ian’s description. He fretted, he worried, he thought about how he and his wife used to have sex two and three times a day. He talked to Alicia about it, but nothing changed. “It wasn’t simply the lack of sex that killed me,” Ian said as we talked on the phone. “It was the lack of her wanting me in that way that really destroyed me.”

He knew he didn’t understand what a woman went through after childbirth, so he tried to research it. Women’s magazines“basically [said] that the men are the assholes and suck it up dude.” Men’s magazines suggested he “just fuck her and tell her to get her clothes off.” The Internet offered similar combative advice – “nothing that really helped.”

He talked to Alicia again. “Is this how the rest of our life is going to be? Once every couple of weeks or once a month? Are you satisfied with this?”

Still, nothing changed, until one summer day when Ian sat in the park with four female friends, watching their children play, and the conversation moved to sex. The women asked him how often he and his wife had sex.

“It’s a real bummer,” he said, before giving them his once or twice a month number. At that, their jaws dropped. They thought that was a lot. Ian was horrified.

He phoned Alicia at work. “Tell me you’re not okay with this!”

She wasn’t.

“So, we just said why don’t we just—wink, wink—form a website to review toys and give us an excuse to write about it, play with toys, communicate better. No one was ever really supposed to visit the website. It was kind of a little inside joke.”

They began with toys because previously, and trying to get out of their sex doldrums, they’d dug out a Pocket Rocket vibrator that had been given to them as a wedding gift. Until then, they’d never experimented with sex toys. But thanks to the Pocket Rocket, Alicia had an orgasm for the first time in their then ten-year relationship.

A few months after launching FreddyandEddy.com, Ian and Alicia started receiving emails from couples who had discovered their site, were having similar problems with their sex lives, and loved Ian and Alicia’s recommendations. FreddyandEddy became so popular that Ian and Alicia began selling a few sex items to support the website. “And it just took off …”

In fact, FreddyandEddy.com generated so much interest and publicity that Ian feared it might embarrass the elementary school where he taught. Since profits from the website sales were substantial, Ian resigned his teaching job to run the business and open a sex store.

Both the website and store cater to monogamous couples with children. The store is open primarily by appointment so that customers won’t run into friends from their neighborhood PTA.

“You walk in and you don’t know you’re in an adult store because you come into a coffee bar and it’s only got like little soaps and candles and things like that.” From there, one enters a library where one has to read the titles to discover that the books are erotic. “And then you come into like a living room that looks like it would be in your house and you can watch TV or read or play games.” Lastly, one can walk through French doors to find a room filled with sex toys. “And you can choose not to go into that room, if you want. It’s very, very low pressure.” That’s because their goal “was to make it so that even the shyest of the shy could come in there and not feel pressured or threatened or, you know, exposed.”

Ian repeatedly insisted that he and his wife are one of those shy couples living behind a white picket fence.

“Really,” he said, “if I wasn’t having more sex because of this vehicle, I’d be back teaching. I’m telling you, I’d close it all down in a second. This whole thing is so that we can have more sex. And it accomplishes that. I mean, we fucked yesterday like you wouldn’t believe. … Oh, my God! It was so insane because just the night before I said, ‘Man, you’re just looking so’—am I turning you off with all of this?”

“Listen,” I said, “this is tame compared to what I’ve been hearing.”

“Okay. Anyway, I’m a big believer in the whole pleasing of her first. And two nights ago we were sitting, watching TV, and I’m just obsessed with her sexually. I just think she’s so hot. I’ve been with her over seventeen years, and she’s hotter now than ever, you know. So I said, ‘I’m going down on you, baby, right now.’ And I just went to town … she was bucking off the couch. And it was just so much fun. And then she was like, ‘All right, let’s get you going.’ And I was like, ‘Nope! Unt-uh. I’m not doing a thing. That’s it. You’ve gotta be satisfied with that.’

“And she’s, ‘What do you mean? You’re not satisfied.’

“I said, ‘Well, you’re crazy. I’m more than satisfied.’ I mean, you know, it was all I really wanted. It was all I really needed. And then the next morning, which was yesterday, we got to the shop, and I said, ‘Let me continue what happened last night.’ And it just took off from there. And we just tore it up, man. And I was like ‘I’d love to see any twenty-year-old do it like that.’ I mean, I’ll put them to shame any day of the week.” Ian was 41. His wife was weeks away from turning 40.

“And of course at the shop we’ve got every toy known to man, so, you know, it was like all right we’re gonna go over here and do it on this thing called the Bonk’er.”

The Bonk’er is a nearly heart-shaped contraption of hooks and straps that lifted her feet into the air and swung her onto his body. But the Bonk’er wasn’t enough.

Ian then said to his wife, “We’re then gonna move over to this tantra chair and then we’re gonna finish off over here.” To me, he said, “And then she went off to work and my whole day was so happy it was insane.”

I thought about Coyote and Rex and so many other men I’d communicated with. “What I hear all the time,” I said to Ian, “is that I love my wife, I don’t want to leave her, but there’s no sex, so they’re trying to pick up people on the Internet.”

“Oh, God, we hear that story all the time,” he replied. “You know what? Lemme tell you, Suzy, I put a lot of it on the males in the relationship because it comes down to that people somehow don’t want to put in the work anymore, because it’s not automatic anymore and it’s not spontaneous like it was …

“And, you know, for me, I try to tell people you have to get past that. The better sex is waiting for you by deepening the relationship with the person you have. You know, I can’t go out to a bar and pick up a girl and tie her up when I get home or have her flog me or something like that. That comes with trust and time. So our belief is you’ve gotta get the communication going again, and you’ve just gotta force yourself back into that mode. And most people just won’t do it. It’s just too hard for them. So they give up.”

At that, Ian told me that he’s constantly asked what’s the best sex toy. To answer, he pulls out a sponge and some dish-washing liquid and says, “This is the best sex toy.”

He’s then asked, “What do you do with that?”

Ian answers, “‘You do the fucking dishes, dumb ass. That’s the thing that turns my wife on the most: a clean house, a good meal, a massage. Not a vibrator. A vibrator is just a device after you’ve gotten to that point, but you have to get to that point first. And the way you do that is by helping out with the kids. It’s by taking a long walk. It’s by listening to her day when she comes home.”

To me, he said, “And thennnn you can get to the intimacy, after that. … By working together on things, it’s better. It’s become hotter. It becomes more passionate. I mean, she and I exchange no less than ten emails daily. And we call each other probably twice daily. Now true, we’re a little oddball in that. Most couples don’t quite go that far, but you can go halfway between that and have quite a bit of a good relationship.”

“So,” I asked, “what made you different so that you’re willing to say, ‘Hey, let’s work on this’ instead of saying, ‘Hey, I want to be wanted, let me go out and make myself feel better with other girls wanting me?’”

“I think a lot of it has to do with my own parents …” They were loving. They worked on problems together. And they were together until his mother died. He wanted his own marriage to be like that.

“I knew I was going to marry my wife the minute I saw her, and that’s just never changed. This may sound far-fetched, but I have never once desired another woman.”

When I hung up from speaking with Ian, I couldn’t believe how high and relieved I was. To talk to someone who believed in marriage and monogamy, oh, it was as though with that one man, I’d discovered that everything I’d been taught in Sunday school and at Baylor could actually be true. I still didn’t believe that a relationship, love, marriage was for me, but maybe, just maybe, it could work for those who did long for that. And that made me happy.

But as time passed, and as I thought about his words and as I so wanted his insight to be true, I wondered if it was true that a husband could have a great sex life with his wife if only he’d do the dishes and listen to her. Ian was probably right in many cases, perhaps even Coyote’s. But I thought about Rex.

He did do the cleaning, the laundry, the grocery shopping, the cooking. When his wife came home from work, he greeted her with that drink and the newspaper. And Rex had talked to her about his sexual needs. At least he said he had. But none of that had changed anything. She didn’t seem to care that her husband wasn’t happy sexually. Or maybe there was something inside her that wouldn’t let her care. That hurt too much. That feared too much. Or maybe she was like me and thought love and sex were two different entities and never the twain shall meet.

* * *

The above interview took place in the summer of 2005. Unfortunately, since then, Ian and Alicia have closed their store, but Ian and Alicia and the FreddyandEddy website are still going strong.

We suggest you possess strong abdominal muscles and that you stretch before attempting this moderate to advanced sex position. Once interlocked, rock back and forth, being careful not to let go of your partner too suddenly.

The male and female should start seated with their legs intertwined, hers out to the side. Both partners should grab each other’s arms and rock back and forth. This position is great for intimacy!

Synopsis: The Vibratex Mystic Wand is a compact, cordless version of the Hitachi Magic Wand.

Eddy’s Review:What does the name “Magic Wand” conjure up in ones’ head? Well, for some women its’ response is “Wow!”, and for some it’s “Whoa Nellie!” Well, the people at Vibratex, just came out with a great new version called the Mystic Wand.

The Mystic Wand is a petite version of the Magic Wand, but has some extra special fun! The Mystick Wand is 8 ¼’ long and has a diameter of 1 7/8”. It is waterproof, cordless and has 6 varying vibration functions. The head of the Mystic Wand is made of silicone.

I was quite motivated to try out the Mystic Wand since involving the Magic Wand has not been part of my previous toy repertoire. The Magic Wand’s vibration is just too strong for me to play with. So, to my surprise and glee, when I turned on the Mystic Wand, I couldn’t believe how quiet it was. It went through 6 vibration modes; light, medium, high and the last 3 modes being different pulsations. I love pulsation, so the 5th setting was my personal favorite. The Mystic Wand takes 4 AA batteries, which gives it a pretty hefty vibration output.

The first time I played with the Mystic Wand I combined it with a Tantus silicone dildo, as The Mystic Wand is definitely a clitoral toy only. After enjoying the build up with the dildo, I added the Mystic Wand at the 5th setting and had the most fabulous orgasm ever! The pulsation pattern that I favor on the Mystic Wand hit just the right rhythm and spot to make me go over the top! The next time I used it, it was with my hubby. After being in the missionary position and having my hubby rub my g-spot area for some time, I added the Mystic Wand to our love making. The orgasm was just as intense as before, but it really created much more of a connection sharing my orgasm with my partner.

The Mystic Wand is a great item. It has quite a punch for its petite size. It also comes with a nylon/velveteen bag for storage (although the black velveteen fabric leaves traces on the white silicone head when you take it out). Even at its’ lowest setting, the Mystic Wand has a lot power. Having 6 vibration functions to choose from makes it a formidable option to have in your toy chest. And just like the Magic Wand, you could always use it for back muscle relief!

Freddy Say: I have to admit I’m a bit skeptical when it comes to the Hitachi Magic Wand. It’s SO powerful that I fear for my wife’s clitoris whenever she takes it out of the drawer (luckily, she uses it mostly for its intended purpose – back massage). Likewise, when we carried it at our retail store, we were loathe to sell it to customers unless they’d already used it for years and nothing else would work to get them to orgasm. Better to dial down the power with an Eroscillator or Layaspot, we’d reason. Why apply a jackhammer when all you need is a few light taps?

The Mystic Wand arrived and my wife was really excited to try it, despite my apprehension. To my relief, the device is a MINI version of the Magic Wand and can be dialed way down, unlike the Hitachi which only has two settings (“nuclear” and “armageddon,” as I like to call them), the Mystic has six, the top end being pretty darned powerful, yet not to the numbing degree of the Hitachi product. After watching her reach an out-of-this-world orgasm in only a few seconds, who was I to argue? And when she added a g-spot eruption with the help of her Tantus Vamp, I was practically bursting to get at her! Thankfully, the Mystic is compact enough to fit just right while making love. Oh, and it’s WATERPROOF. Need I say more?

In summation, this is a killer product, whether for clitoral masturbation, stimulation while using a dildo, or partner play. Get one. Now. For purchasing options, visit the Vibratex website here.

Synopsis:Erotic spanking — whether giving or receiving — is one of the most exciting, arousing, and sensual experiences to enjoy. In this enticing collection, spanking enthusiast Rachel Kramer Bussel has assembled 22 tales of red-cheeked arousal. Whether being disciplined for naughtiness or simply because they crave the sting of a hand against flesh, the men and women in these stories revel in being bent over, paddled, punished, and possessed by their spankers. Those delivering the blows find extreme pleasure in pushing their bottoms’ buttons, making them — and the reader — tremble and quiver in anticipation as they await the next smack. Featuring stories by Alison Tyler, Sage Vivant, Stan Kent, Elizabeth Coldwell, Thomas Roche, and others, this sizzling collection offers tales so breathtakingly vivid that readers might find their own cheeks sore just from reading it.

Our Review:Spanking. I stop to wonder when I started to like it. Was it when I first was startled by the sudden thunder smack that sounded off my ass check as he thrust into me as I was bent over the couch arm? Or was it when the rush of pain came through to be acknowledged by my brain, only two seconds after his hand left my right cheek? No matter, it was pleasurable after the initial shock gasped from my mouth.

Spanking takes skill and trust between the two parties involved and this compilation of erotica stories really covers many different views of spanking. Whether you like to be the receiver or the one dishing out the spanking there will be a story or two for you!

I loved reading the Perfect Bound by Shanna Germain as the “librarian” style lady who runs a bookstore, but is actually the dom of spanking to the young men who come to see her to experience the pain from her hands. While Laser Tag by Madeline Glass had me at the edge of my seat as I read how an accidental run in at a concert could turn into a date of hot and heavy sex, making me imagine how I would long to be in this story. And yet, The Breeding Barn by L. Elise Bland made me go back to memories of having a fling with my younger boss. The titillation of imagining me being the dominant one over a younger man taking on my spanking and then having him fulfill me with his well pronounced sex made me want to go home and have sex with my husband at the drop of a hat. I think everyone who reads Spanked will get off in more ways than one. Happy reading….

Eddy’s Review: Anal play….I forget that it used to feel good. Why did I forget? I stopped playing back there a while ago, that’s why! So, after viewing a new DVD regarding How To: Anal, it got us thinking….