The Mindset of a Champion

July 28, 2005

Illmatic vs. New Miserable Experience

Today my controversial new album deathmatch series continues with two albums that I've heard more times than you've heard your favorite album. Because you lack my level of dedication.

One of the greatest rock albums in the history of the genre, the Gin Blossoms' New Miserable Experience is severely underrated by the primarily fashion-oriented white music community, in favor of garbage like Everybody Clap Your Hands and "Annie."

People who get all of their news from The Source consider Illmatic the greatest hip-hop album of all time. I don't know that it is, but it's certainly on the list.They're also highly disrespectful of their hispanic female coworkers, because it's a known fact that magazine reading is directly related to sexual behavior in the workplace.

Which one of these is a better album? I decided to compare the two on all the points that matter and came up with a definitive answer. As usual, my methods for comparison are completely scientific and I will not tolerate any questioning of my findings.

Number of Great SongsNew Miserable Experience has 12 tracks, of which 11 are of the absolute highest quality. Illmatic only has 10 tracks to begin with, of which one isn't even an actual song.

Number of Bullshit SongsNME's "Hands Are Tied" isn't as bad as it is average. Illmatic's silly little intro though serves no purpose other than to help make it seem more like a real album than just "rap's greatest ever EP," which is pretty much what it is.

Guitar PlayingDoug Hopkins and whoever else played guitar in the Gin Blossoms rawk out on the electric guitar one minute and then switch things up with ultra smooth acoustic pickin' the next, displaying a rather impressive range in playing styles. Illmatic, being a hip-hop album, is mostly bereft of any guitar playing, although I do recall PR mentioning on Yo! MTV Raps that "The World Is Yours" features a live upright bass.

Notable AbsencesNeither of the Gin Blossoms' 3 albums feature "Till I Hear It From You" (which was cowritten by this fellow and featured on the soundtrack to this awful film), which some but not yours truly would say was their finest moment as a group. Nothing Nas has released since 1994 could really be considered the best of his career.

Album CoversIllmatic has easily one of the dopest album covers ever in hip-hop. I'd put it right up there with the few other hip-hop album covers that are worth a shit. (And there really are only a few.) The tall Israeli that designed the cover for New Miserable Experience really shouldn't be in the album covers business.

Comments

Today my controversial new album deathmatch series continues with two albums that I've heard more times than you've heard your favorite album. Because you lack my level of dedication.

One of the greatest rock albums in the history of the genre, the Gin Blossoms' New Miserable Experience is severely underrated by the primarily fashion-oriented white music community, in favor of garbage like Everybody Clap Your Hands and "Annie."

People who get all of their news from The Source consider Illmatic the greatest hip-hop album of all time. I don't know that it is, but it's certainly on the list.They're also highly disrespectful of their hispanic female coworkers, because it's a known fact that magazine reading is directly related to sexual behavior in the workplace.

Which one of these is a better album? I decided to compare the two on all the points that matter and came up with a definitive answer. As usual, my methods for comparison are completely scientific and I will not tolerate any questioning of my findings.