An Anxious Mother Fluttering Through Life

What I Think MOTHER Stands For

I had just put my son to bed and was staring at the computer, trying to think of something to write about while glancing at the monitor to make sure he’s asleep. Then it hit me. I’m a mother, but what does MOTHER really mean?

Mothers are the superheroes that don’t get capes (unless you’ve actually gone out to get yourself a cape, in which case I applaud you because you deserve it). Mothers are powerful beings who can cure boo-boos with kisses and make everything better with hugs.

The ones who don’t appreciate these people the most, and who really should, are the ones who call them Mommy (I know… I too was one of these creatures many years ago). It’s true that at their young age, they haven’t learned the value of the mother yet. They live in their own bubble until they’re ready to venture the world on their own. Once outside of said bubble, they are able to appreciate their moms on a whole different level (was true for me).

I’ve thought long and hard about the meaning of MOTHER. What does it mean to be a mother? How do I feel being a mother? Below you will find a small list that I’ve compiled using the letters that spell out this superhero’s name:

M: Mom-Meltdowns. I’m not ashamed to admit that I have them. There are days when nothing you do is right: wrong bowl, wrong cup, wrong food, wrong blanket. This is not an every day occurrence but let’s be honest, I have a toddler. We all know that they’re irrational narcissists. It’s not their fault but it’s still strenuous to deal with. These mom-meltdowns I have come when I’m at the end of my rope and have just had enough. On the plus side, there is always an ending to these episodes and we resume to our normal life.

O: Overwhelmed. I work during the week and while I’m distracted with my job, this tiny human seeps into my thoughts all day long. He’s always in my head. This unpaid full-time job requires the most energy and brain function. It’s a duty done out of love and its payment comes in the form of dirty laundry, messy floors, and a whole different kind of fun. I can promise you that I wouldn’t change it for the world, yet I am overwhelmed with this new life. I am also overwhelmed with the amount of changing emotions that occur on a daily basis: happy, sad, angry, frustrated, thrilled, proud (just to name a few).

T: Tired. So. Very. Tired. (When is nap time?)

H: HOLD ON! HOLD ON is something I say daily to my ever-impatient son. I know it’s not a feeling per se, but there is a lot of feeling in the words when they’re said. Nothing can be done fast enough. Everything is based on my son’s timeline and it’s just impossible to follow or keep up with. So please, my boy, HOLD ON! I promise I will get you your pancake when I get to the kitchen. It is impossible for me to pull it out of the freezer from the bathroom!

E: Energy deficiency. I feel like the energy is literally being sucked out of me by my son’s supernatural hands that carry a substantial amount of power. He wants to be held and to be close. He’s going through a period right now where mommy is all he wants. And while I am in heaven when we snuggle and when he wants to be close to me, I also need a time-out. I need to be able to go to the washroom on my own. I need to be able to sit and have my coffee without someone glued to my side. I need to be able to cook without someone holding onto my pants. Just for a little bit, you know?

R: Remember. Again, not a feeling, but I like the feeling I get when I remember why I had this little guy in the first place. I try to remember everything we do together. I remember how much I love him the moment he is out of my sight. It’s true, he makes me feel like I’m about to lose my sh*t numerous times a week, but he’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. That, for me, is what a MOTHER truly is.

I am thankful every day for this tiny-human. Motherhood has taught me a whole new kind of love that I never thought was possible. I am floored that the person who makes me most crazy is the one I love more than anything in this world. While some people would call my list negative. I call it what it is. Motherhood is exhausting, but it’s worth it. After a long day, after everyone’s tucked into bed, I remember how lucky I am to be his mother.