October 19, 2009

I don't want to get TOO personal here as it's "inappropriate"...HOWEVER....(I always have a "however",) I have had an overwhelming experience over the past 6 1/2 weeks and occasionally my fellow bloggers blog a little about "life lesson" stuff... So...I am tempted. My dad(who shall remain NAMELESS) suffered a heart attack and stroke...Well...first the stroke and then the heart attack about 16 hours later...he had SEVEN stents put in the arteries leading to his heart... I flew (in my car...)from New Jersey to Baltimore when I got the call... and over the past few weeks I have had to take on a huge new project... it's my DAD: his care,his heath,his LIFE...etc...needless to say....IT HIT ME LIKE A TON O BRICKS.... Let me start by saying...he is doing well physically.... and his speech impairment is the main problem(generally speaking)...BUT he is getting the much needed therapy and hopefully will continue on that path....(Let me add the disclaimer that my dad was a VERY independent guy and did thing HIS WAY...his whole life...)ANYWAY this is MY blog...SO....

I speak about his situation(with lack of detail) just to put into perspective where I am coming from. This has been HARD. My life, my family, my work/MY ART has definitely taken a backseat to the issues at hand...I'm not exactly sure how to transition back "from whence I came"... I've had VERY few hours in the studio(oh... and I've been continuing to plan my 12 10/12th year old's Bar Mitzvah...which is sort of a big deal....). Back to the studio part.... So ...I get in there to work on things for people that had already place orders... I try to get productive and BAM!... Either the time runs out...or I have to run out...ya know? I've told myself..."This too shall pass" and I try to hang in there... But, my fellow potters and artists...YOU KNOW...it's "easier said than done"...I am itchin'...and I CAN NOT scratch appropriately... I have also, internally, started to question my work and its direction and wonder "if this whole shaking up of things" is supposed to shake up my work as well...Is this happening to change my whole direction... I had JUST(that morning 09/09/09) pulled out a batch of new glazes with subtle movement in the direction I was striving for...crystals were forming(subtle crystals) by layering the crystal strontium matte recipe under and over my glazes....in my ELECTRIC KILN...I was ready to take it further and...BAM! So, lately I have reassessed my work... My "technique" that I basically developed over time... it's "clean" in it's nature...BUT it take A LOT of work to create those "clean" lines (if you know what I mean....) There have been technical issues...trying to make the clay do things, well... things, it really doesn't want to do...I have become more and more focussed on the refining of the process...I am torn about logistically getting things done(being on the rundown to and from Baltimore(3 hour drive), a lot, makes it hard to make things with attachments as the drying synchronicity is ALL screwed up....I have ideas but....I'm not too proud to listen to your thoughts..and I can't help but wonder if all of that refining takes the "LIFE" out of what I am doing...I am tempted to feel more "free" in my work(of course I'm not sure if I can handle that from a "personality" standpoint) I have wondered (for years) if I should take my focus away from the glazes...working with more "naked" surfaces rather than DRESS them in glaze... I have even wondered if I should explore more of my sculptural interests(really still the same body of work though) and let go of the functional work a bit. Needless to say... I feel like I'm in a blender, all shook up, on a daily basis... All of this has made me feel rather alone... my sweet friends reach out... but as any of you know who have dealt with various issues...it's really up to YOU. HOWEVER...I follow ALOT of your ceramic artist blogs(and other creative artist blogs) and I have followed YOUR ups and downs.SO, I can't help but reach out to you NOW in my "Time of Need" and ask for your comments on this....Unless of course, you have all given up on me.... You are my friends(virtual...in most cases but none the less...my friends).