Sunday, September 16, 2012

Wispy Smoke In The Air...(Did Tommy Try To Come Back?)

I walked out to the back porch to sit at the glass table. I was talking to Skip on the phone. I sat there enjoying feeling the breeze,
seeing the sunshine.

I love to sit on the porch, I love the canvas shades with bows on them... I
like to see the bows move gently as the breeze sways them back and
forwards. I love 'looking out' seeing
the big, fluffy white clouds moving, shifting shapes.

It was so pleasant sitting there talking to Skip when... I sat up alittle
straighter in my chair. I was studying the
air in front of me.... I saw in 'one spot' a long, wispy 'smoke'. I couldn't understand 'why' it was only in
that one spot.

I began looking around trying to see the source it was coming from. I've been afraid of anything that looks like
smoke since we lost everything in a housefire in 2004.

I was beginning to go on high alert... to find that 'smoke'. Strangely... it 'wasn't coming from
anywhere'... it stayed in that 'one spot'!

I began describing it to Skip, telling him that on 'each side of that
'smoke', at the top and bottom of it'.......... there wasn't anymore of it
coming from any direction... not at all!

I've seen many strange things in my life... so, I'm accepting of things
happening that have... no explanation. I
instantly thought of Tommy....

The last time I'd ever seen that 'wispy smoke' was when my Aunt Frankie
sent me a big, brown envelope with some of my Grandma Alma's flowers (from her
funeral) in it.

When I opened it... a 'wispy smoke' flowed 'up' from it into the air. I looked around to see if my cousin,
Jimmy.... (who'd come to visit me) was smoking a cigarette... he wasn't!

Wispy smoke in the air 'trying to take shape'. It wasn't like the 'smoke' that filled our
bedroom where my mother's ashes sat on the mantelpiece over the fireplace. That room looked like a 'smoke-filled room
with no smell'.

This 'wispy smoke' might measure approximately 3 feet in length.... it
appeared to be 'slanted' in the air... sort of like how smoke comes from a
cigarette, but, alittle 'thicker'.

As I was describing this strange sight to Skip ... the wispy smoke 'seemed
for a moment to move around quickly'.... my mind wondered... is it going to
take shape.... am I going to see Tommy?
I watched closely... I really was expecting to see.....................

I know such things are possible. It
didn't take shape to be Tommy, it stayed in the air for several minutes
until... it disappeared in front of my eyes.

I sat there... looking, waiting to see if it'd reappear... it didn't. I sat there... disappointed. I just felt...........felt.......... sad.

A second thing happened just several days later... to make me feel
strange.

My next story will be about that.... 'A SECOND THING HAPPENED TO MAKE ME
FEEL STRANGE'...... (THAT WAS SO 'TOMMY'!).

Wispy smoke in the air... coming from 'nowhere... it was right there in the
air in front of me'.... was it Tommy trying to come back to see me?

1 comment:

Maybe it was Tommy. The wispy smoke didn't have to be the shape of Tommy. We never know what someone will come to visit us will look like or what shape he/she will be in. I am sure if there is any way possible for Tommy to come back to visit you, he will. My grandmother use to come visit me all the time. People think I should be afraid if she comes back. I ask "why". She didn't hurt me when she was alive, I know she will not hurt me now. I look forward to her visits! Love, Ms. Nancy

My Mother, Daisy Earlene

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This is the Puppy I rescued... slowly she is getting well... she was dying on a cold, wet ground

My Grandson, Taban

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My Grandson, Taban (Spy)

This is 'why' I'm called Granny Gee

Granny Gee's Grandson, Taban... Tommy's Son

This is 'why' I'm called Granny Gee

My Grandson, Taban... Tommy's Son

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CAMIE... Precious Camo

Come follow Camie's journey as her little body heals ... I rescued her from death's door... where she lay on the cold, wet ground... dying.

This little Puppy has been on the most painful path in her life. Her skin has been one 'open sore' on her whole body.

With everyone's help with prayers, donations... Camie is slowly getting well. She has suffered so much. She doesn't have to, now... not when she has 'all of us'...

Thank-you from my very Heart for you continuous donations... for your healing prayers, thoughts.

You can call, donate at her veterinarian in Louisburg, NC if you'd like. They will put the money directly on her account, deduct it as Camie goes each week for her injection, any medical treatment needed.

By the way... the staff, veterinarian... Dr. David Fontenot... are animal lovers... good people. We love them.

Here's the info to donate at (please don't feel obligated to... we will take care of Camie the best way we can... thank-you if you do!):

Author of ... I CRY FOR TOMMY and When She's Good... She's Good

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Grief Is Like This...

To those of you who have never lost a child, remember this... grief doesn't just 'stop'. It may ease off for a while, only to come back full-force. It may come back softly... no one can predict grief, nor can they predict the severity of it.

When I write about grief, I welcome you to come to 'see'... without actually having to experience it in your life. Come quietly, read... and go on with your life. Love your children with your heart... I pray that you never lose one to know ... personally what I write about.

See... reading about 'my grief'... can make you treasure your children who are here, whom you love with your very heart.

Leave my blog, and love your children... more... while you have your chance. My chance is... gone. My son has died... he is here no more... my chance to love him more is 'forever' gone... yours, isn't.

Thankfully, I told my son I loved him always... that has been my only comfort through this time.

My blog is about grief for the loss of my child... it will always be just that... no matter how happy I am, or what I write about.

I will come here to write about grief as it happens. You don't even have to leave a comment... just slip in, read quietly, leave and go about your life; go out of your way to let your children know how you treasure them.

Don't worry about me... I've known pain all my life... I will do like always... I will face it 'head-on'... I might cry a lot, but... I will continue getting back up. Do you know why? Because, no matter what, I still believe somehow... everything will be alright.

Just remember, when you visit my blog... no matter what I write, or feel... this blog is about pure grief, about the loss of my son, Tommy.

Grief is sure to come most unexpectedly ... like the waves the sea tosses upon the sand... sometimes, crashing violently... sometimes, in a gentle way.

All it takes is a memory, a scent, seeing someone who looks like... I am like the sand, always changing with the tides, but... always there... as the waves of grief wash over me.

Sometimes, I can let go, be happy, all will be normal again... until a storm comes up in the ocean, sending big waves my way. The sun will be hidden by the gray sky, taking my happiness away... I begin ... all over again, and ... again.

I keep smiling through my tears. Everything will be alright... again... until the next time. Grief is like this...

Granny Gee's Life...The Colors of My Life

The happy colors in my life are my husband, Skip and our Pups. On May 29, 2010... my only child, my son Tommy died. I became lost in life on a long, dark path on my journey looking for sunshine again. I almost never came back.. Skip wouldn't let me go. He is my hero, my best friend, my world. I love you my husband.

Artwork by Gloria ... in memory of Tommy

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Tommy collapsed just a short time after they arrived at Myrtle Beach while playing with Taban...

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I gave Tommy gold nugget (my class ring)... he wore until the moment he went to heaven...May 29, 2010

My Handsome Son, Tommy

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I love this photo, I wanted it here... twice

My Son, Tommy, has gone to Heaven now...

I am lucky to have photos of Tommy, us. We lost all in a house fire December 2004. I had a huge suitcase of photos upstairs that were damaged by water, and fire. So, if you see imperfections in my photos... it's because of that.

Tommy walked into Heaven on May 29, 2010 from the sand at Myrtle Beach. He was doing something he'd been looking so forward to doing.... playing his first time at the beach with his little 3 year old son, Taban.

I'll never forget him standing on the deck the evening before, smiling his big, happy 'Tommy' smile, saying he was looking forward to playing with his son for the first time, at the beach.

Tommy had changed his mind, no one knew 'why'.... to not going with the family to Myrtle Beach... to going. It was his last trip... his first, last time to play with Taban, his little son.

They were running, squealing with joy, laughing ...Tommy was sending me photos on his cellphone to my computer back home. His fingers slipped off the video ... he collapsed there on the sand.

The phone rung, the caller ID showed Tommy was calling! I answered it, my mind became confused as I realized it wasn't Tommy, but.. a strange man's voice saying.... 'I have a man lying here on the beach, he's not breathing'!

My life forever changed ... he was my only child whom I loved with my very heart. Tommy had 2 blockages in his heart... no one knew... he was only 40 years old.

I am keeping my son's memory alive, my memory alive for my grandchildren... Taban and McKenzie. I don't have family left who can do that for me. I sit and write my life's stories, my thoughts here ....everyday. I will write until the day ... I die. Tommy nor I, nor Skip ... our Pups ... will ever be forgotten. I hope my grandchildren will one day read this to know... that we loved them, I loved them.... that they were indeed ... thought of .... often.

You will see a mother who has fought her way back from a very dark place to be here now. You will see a mother's real grief here and how she learns from all that's happened in her life. I will write here how grief happens 'out of the blue'... let you know how it feels as it happens. I pray that you never lose a child to know personally how it feels. It's unlike anything you've ever experienced.

I would like to grow older gracefully, not old...mean, bitter or angry. I love the light of the sunshine warming my heart and soul... not letting any dark places remain there.

I can 'see' now on my life's path... I want to live. The light on my path shows me exactly where to go... it used to be so cold, dark... I was a lost soul for over 2 years.

You, my readers... friends... family mean the world to me. Each day I look forward to talking to you, you talking to me.

Thank you for being here for me.

Love, Granny Gee / aka Gloria Faye Brown Bates :)))

My Handsome Son...

Tommy...

Tommy ... My Precious Son

Lucky To Have Photos... They Survived House Fire... Dec. 2004

My Son and I...

Gloria and Tommy...

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gloriapaintsat@yahoo.com

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COLORS OF MY LIFE... ME, GRANNY GEE

I love colors... sunshine colors of yellow and goldColors that I can see, holdHappy colors of pink, blue and greenColors of all kinds, almost every color I've ever seenThey lift me up, they pull me downI look for happy colors all aroundDark colors can be very sadBright colors can make me so gladTo be alive, to be able to walkTo see, to be able to talkI'm so thankful for all I have in my lifeOur special pups, and to be Skip's wifeColors, colors, colors of every kindLife stories they are, stories that are... mine.

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