Dave Simons gets hit with a pie

Shhh. Don't spread this around. But hard-boiled political consultant Dave Simons has a soft spot -- for diabetes.

Simons is one of nine area candidates in this year's Kiss A Pig Campaign conducted by the American Diabetes Association -- the 21st version of this porker-puckering event. A healthy $4.3 million has been raised since its inception.

As someone who knows what it's like to live with diabetes, Simons was willing to surrender his dignity and subject himself to a political roast last Wednesday night at the Morris Center, all for the noble cause of raising some bucks for research. And for a few extra dollars, audience members could "win" the opportunity to smash a whipped cream pie in his face.

Among the roasters was State Sen. Lester Jackson. The Savannah Democrat said his political allies often chide him for associating with this Republican "demon." But he and Simons are follicly challenged. So he said he gets a pass.

Also piling on the abuse were SEDA President Tripp Tollison, District Attorney Meg Heap, Superior Court Judge Tim Walmsley and State Court Judge Greg Sapp.

Sapp, in fact, launched into full-on Rodney Dangerfield mode:

"When Dave Simons puts on a turtleneck, he looks like a giant bottle of roll on deodorant."

"Every time Dave Simons takes a shower, he gets brainwashed."

(Cue rimshot.)

He also questioned his target's masculinity, which included comments allegedly atttributed to Simons when the two were on the golf course and the topic veered off into fashion.

"It's called a shirt, Dave. Not a top."

Simons was a good sport. So were the roasters. But getting the last laugh were those working and hoping for a cure for diabetes.

The local Kiss A Pig campaign ends May 11.

More information is available on the group's website. http://bit.ly/ZM7Bn0