Madonna wants so bad to be The Cool Mom. She thinks she’s being hip and With It, but instead, she lingers around her son and his friends for a little too long, never quite taking the hint that they might want to be left alone. Even in public, her Cool Mom desperation can’t be contained: she took a photo of her son boxing, and put it on Instagram with the caption, “No one messes with Dirty Soap! Mama said knock you out! #disnigga.” Huh.

Later, she deleted the message, replacing it with the equally ignorant, “#get off of my dick haters!” #discracker