Breaking News! Soda Consumption Bad for Five Year Olds!

Every now and then you read a study from a research university that just seems completely pointless. One study (source = Newsweek) recently that said people who are not considered attractive have “less chance of getting married.” Wow! Did they have a team of brain-dead chimps work on that?

Now comes another pointless study in that vein from our fellow Big Ten (going on Big 16) brethren Penn State. Known as the home of meteorologists, Beaver Stadium, and a football coach who fought at Gettysburg, Penn State set their formidable research talents on soda consumption among children.

It turns out (shockingly!) that girls who consume soda at age five are not as well nourished as girls who do not. Seriously. Not only did they engage in the most useless study ever, they tracked these girls for TEN YEARS! You know, just in case soda consumption turned out to be a positive dietary aspect. One of the more shocking revelations from this study is that the soda drinkers had an increased sugar intake. Thank goodness for higher education.

Don’t take this as Penn State bashing, I’ve been to State College and from what I remember I had an outstanding time. The campus is beautiful and I love the old school football uniforms. But please, devote your research time and money to something a little less obvious next time. Why don’t they next study what it is about Guy Fieri that people like and find a way to remove that gene. For the sake of all humanity.