I’m Throwing a Me Party for the Rest of My Life.

Something I’ve always found interesting is the way that people treat the word selfish.

It’s treated as if it’s a curse word, or taboo. If you look up the definition of it, the word selfish is defined as being devoted or caring only for oneself and being concerned primarily with one’s own interests.

At times it may feel like being concerned with yourself before others is a bad thing. If we take a step back and really look at selfishness for what it is, is it really a bad thing?

It feels as if there is a social construct that an individual is either selfish or selfless, and can’t be both at the same time. Being selfish is often illustrated as a socially ordained “thou shalt not”, while selflessness is portrayed as an instrumental piece in the dogma of how to be a good person.

I used to align with this perspective of selflessness. I stood wholeheartedly by the belief that being selfless and putting others before yourself was the most distinguished way to validate that I had a good heart.

It’s not.

Through my youth, all the way up to the early part of my 20’s, I thought that the best way to be a good person, was to do what I needed to serve the needs of those around me. It meant that throughout my life, I couldn’t find it within me to say “No”.

It’s not easy on the heart to say yes to everyone but yourself.

Rather than take opportunities that would really give me room to grow, I’d invest more time into what would make those around me happiest, even if it cost me my own peace. As long as they knew I cared for them, right? The thing about expending so much energy towards other’s happiness is that we can sometimes forget to focus on our own.

I invested so much of my own energy into sculpting who I was into the most altruistic version of myself. I wanted to be known for how devoted I was to making others happy. I stubbornly stuck myself into a personal psalm that my happiness could solely be achieved through the happiness of others.

Blame it on my youth. That was honestly the stupidest mindset I’ve ever allowed myself to have. You spend so much time talking others up that when it comes time to sing your own praises, they come out soft and continue to, almost as if you’re turning down the volume on how spectacular of a person you are.

This radical perspective that I held about selflessness hindered me from living the most idealistic version of my life for too long. I had become such a passive individual because of expectations that I had set for others, only for those expectations to fall at my feet.

Why didn’t people reciprocate the regard that I held for them? What was so wrong with me that I couldn’t receive back all that I was giving?

It made me feel angry and lost. I had invested so much time building others and catering to their needs, that I didn’t give myself time to figure out what I wanted my life to be like.

What can you do when you want to live the best version of your life, but it involves being the one thing you’ve been told all your life you shouldn’t be? What happens when you for once, stop being so selfless, and start being selfish?

You start to live your life right.

Let’s be clear. Between selflessness and selfishness, there is a spectrum. As with anything that we measure on a scale, if we invest too much into one thing, then everything becomes unbalanced.

Through being selfish, I’ve learned the importance of balance. I can’t just live life expending all my love and care into others, just like I can’t keep all the love I have within me locked away. The verdict of my self debate is that when it comes to being selfish and selfless, you can’t have one without the other.

The important thing to remember is to never tip the scales. In both realms of care towards others I learned that too much of one or the other is never good for the heart. If we give too much of our love away, we have nothing to give to ourselves. If we hold all of our love that we have within us, we set off the balance of what makes us human.

It’s okay to be selfless. Celebrate your friends and loved ones and exalt them for the light they bring to your life, but don’t forget to throw yourself a me party from time to time as well.

We were made to give and receive love, and the balance of how we do it is important.

It really is! Even in recent times I’ve found myself reaching to say yes in situations I know I should say no. It’s tough to re-condition yourself away from something that you’re not use to, but as you said, it’s important to live for yourself and not for others, so that complex hurdle is one we have to try our hardest to get over.

My Shifty! I hope life is treating you as wonderful as you are! I’m evermore grateful that I get to live in a world where you not only exist as the amazing person you are, but I get to call you my friend at the same time too.

Selfish is good. Sometimes. It’s something I’ve only recently learnt. There’s a difference between selfishness and greed. I’m selfish in the sense I put myself first, I know I need to look after myself and I know I need to do things I want to do and do things I enjoy. In that sense I’m very selfish, but I still consider others and I’m not greedy with my time.

Selfishness is definitely a situation of balance, and I definitely agree with you about the difference between selfishness and greed. We enter into the realm of greediness when we take our self-involvement to a self-advantageous level that negatively impacts the environment around us. With what you’re saying, I definitely agree on your viewpoint. There is nobility in selflessness, but also in someone who can realize that they need time for themselves as well as time for others, as you do.

I actually read a post similar to this earlier this month, so you’re not the only person coming to this conclusion. I think 2018 might be the year of self-health and selfishness. It’s so important to take care of yourself. Great post, you definitely earned a new follower out of me! xxx

You are an absolute sweetheart, thank you so much! (And your name is really pretty too!) I’ve got high hopes that 2018 is a year for self-realization towards happiness for many! It’s important to find the balance between loving yourself and others, and taking some time to be selfish for myself has helped me realize that balance. Thank you darling, you’ve earned a follower on your blog as well! I absolutely love your content! Looking forward to learning more about your adventures! xoxox

yes yes YES! It can be a struggle at times to say yes to yourself before others, but I’m learning that as hard as it can be, it needs to be done. We need to spend time loving ourselves before we give the love we have to others.

Thank you for those kind words! It was very hard for me personally to step away from helping people so much to finally helping myself and realizing that I can be such a better person to those around me if I understand what my needs are first and tend to them before I try to care for others.

At our yoga retreat recently 6 of us women sat in a circle and shared stories. All were the same. We put others first. It’s not selfish to put yourself first, it’s only by ensuring OUR cup is full that we can truly give to others.

I used to have fights with my girlfriend all the time about being selfish. She’d say “you’re being selfish!”. And I’d say “you’re not being selfish enough…”. It’s not a bad thing. You just need balance.

I’m a foster parent so I know the balance of helping others and being selfless but also being selfish all too well. I really I would love to help every kid, but sometimes I have to be selfish and be honest when a child is not a good fit for my home. Great post. Very insightful.

I love this so much!! AMEN! I feel totally okay being selfish sometimes! I think part of it is getting older lol..I always tried to be sooooo selfless and bend over backwards ALWAYS to my own detriment…now I’m better at finding a balance.

I’ve always said my 20s would be my selfish years and so far they have been. So often women are pushed to pour into others and not themselves. But how I can be a quality friend,daughter, significant other if I’m not doing things for myself and thinking about what I need.

What a great perspective you have shown the world selfish into, true it is considered as a sad adjective if attached to any name. But till the time we think good about others and be considerate for self, I think it is good to be that.

2017. The year I finally learn, it`s all about me. I can`t thank myself enough for taking the decision to take care more, to have more “me” moments, to be happy in my own skin. And this is self-love, caring about yourself so you can spread more pure love ♥.

I agree with you and I can relate on it from the very first to the very last word! Being selfish and celebrating ourselves every day is also one of the main act of love that we can make also for the people we truly love

Growing up, we were taught every day that it’s important that we care for others and help them with their needs, so much so that we forget about ourselves and our needs. I think it’s such a beautiful step towards self love that you’re learning how to be more selfish and to stop trying to make other happy.

I love this post, Idora! Sometimes you have to focus on you, and do what you love! Some might see it as a selfish act but I’ve learned that those are the individuals that don’t appreciate everything you’ve done for them. I am so happy for you!!