The Value of Chasya's Life

Pressured by doctors to stop her young daughter's life-support, a mother searches to understand the value of human life.

I've been asked to kill my child. They've tried to convince me, tried to help me see the light. And each time that I stand before them, struggling to make them understand the value of a human life as I see it, to understand that what makes a human being so precious to God is not only his capacity to do, but also to simply to be, to exist, I meet with a dead end.

We're not on the same page, those doctors and I. Theirs is a world of glitter where one is lauded for his accomplishments and booed for his failures, where the loss of independence is tantamount to death and where one's perceived "quality" of life is the deciding factor in matters of life and death. In today's world the sanctity of life is irrelevant; if you can't produce, you don't deserve to live. And if you are in possession of your faculties, you are probably expected not to want to live.

Before the accident had happened, I remember listening to a tape by a renowned speaker as my husband and I were driving in the car. The tape was entitled "Quality of Life versus Sanctity of Life." It was fascinating. The lecturer spoke eloquently, explaining to his audience the value of a human life, even a life with nothing to contribute -- a life dependent on society and seemingly void of all meaning. I remember being moved almost to tears. The tape had a great impact on my husband and me. We identified with it, felt almost as if he was talking directly to us. And he was. Only we didn't know it yet.

The Accident

It was early in the evening on a hot summer's day when the call came in; the call that would change our lives and shatter our dreams forever.

It was a mistake. An accident. Our little daughter choked and had a cardiac arrest as a result. It took 25 minutes to start up her heart again, but by then it was too late. The horrific damage had been done.

We sat in the ICU, machines constantly beeping, lines tracing around and around on the monitors indicating stability, or God forbid the opposite. We sat in shock. Our daughter lay there unmoving, unseeing, in a world completely of her own. We spoke to her, we begged her to wake up, but she never moved.

I suppose you could always pray for a miracle, but you can't expect one.

They tried to be gentle when they broke the awful news. We had suspected it already; the diagnosis only confirmed our fears. The brain was nearly dead. She'd never wake up again unless we had a miracle. I suppose you could always pray for a miracle, but you can't expect one.

I remember sitting with my daughter one morning when a lovely young volunteer entered the room with her little girl. She had come on a "mission of mercy;" she was bringing food to those unfortunate souls such as I who stood vigil by their sick ones' bedside. Almost proudly she informed me that she too, knew all about what it meant to be in the hospital with a child, as her daughter (and here she indicated her beautiful, perfectly healthy looking, little girl) had been in the hospital as a baby with some sort of GI complication.

I stared incredulously. I tried to understand her and met a brick wall. Surely she could not think that I would be comforted knowing that her daughter had had surgery of the stomach and had, thank God, survived intact. Surely she understood what it meant to have a child who would never wake up again.

Yes, anytime a loved one requires hospitalization there is a great degree of stress, even sadness, especially if the hospitalization is for a serious reason, but couldn't she understand what it meant to have -- literally -- no hope? Apparently not. She continued to talk all about her daughter while I stood next to where mine lay, comatose, hanging on to life by a thread as her swollen brain threatened to herniate into itself at any given moment.

A New Reality

Later I understood. Some things are just too painful, too incomprehensible for the average human mind to handle. Unless they are forced to stare the harsh reality in the face, that is. The young woman would hopefully never understand. She couldn't know what the word "forever" meant. Only I could, because I had to. I felt invigorated suddenly; prepared to face life head on. I understood a reality that she never would, and I was facing it.

I struggled to comprehend the meaning of a life in a persistent vegetative state.

So I thought. I struggled to comprehend the meaning of a life in a persistent vegetative state, a life that would know neither joy nor sadness, neither comfort nor pain; a life of existence in its most primitive form. It was hard work coming to terms with it. Even within our own framework of Judaism, we are always raised to try to do -- to accomplish -- as much as we can while still on this earth. We are always taught that "the day is short and there is much work to be done" (Ethics of Our Fathers 2:20). So we must gather as large a pile of good deeds as possible before we are called upon to present ourselves before the Heavenly Throne. What then could be the purpose of a life where there is no collection of good deeds, no chance for the soul to move itself, even in some minute way, closer to God?

I started to work on understanding the general purpose of a human being on this earth. I drew on things that I'd been taught, and of course, on those life-giving words heard a while back about the sanctity of life. I realized that every person has a specific job that he is put on this earth to accomplish. For most of us, it involves doing all sorts of good deeds, making our mark on this world in some fashion. But for others the job is unknown. God created every human being b'tzelem elokim, in the image of God, so by their sheer existence they are fulfilling a heavenly mission.

Human life has inherent value. In fact, it is so valuable that one may not touch a person about to die, even to hold his hand or close his eyes, for he may bring on death a moment earlier. Maimonides explains that a person about to die is like a flickering candle; if you touch it, you may extinguish it (Laws of Mourning). And the Talmud says that if you bring on death even one moment earlier it is considered as if you have murdered (Shabbos 151:2). Obviously, every second of life is precious to God, even those from the life of a person about to die anyway. This comforted me.

When they stood there again the next day, that pack of doctors, attempting to convince me with gentle persuasion, coercion, and even thinly disguised threats, I was ready. "You know, if you take her off the life support, she will die," the neurologist helpfully pointed out to me.

"Yes, I know," I answered calmly. "But I don't intend to do that. I don't want to kill my child. I don't make these kinds of decisions. God will decide when it's time for her to go."

"But she's in pain. How can you, in good conscience, keep a child who's in pain alive?"

"I thought you said she cannot feel anything. Her brain cannot process the fact that she may be in pain. I thought you said her brain can't process anything."

The neurologist looked nonplussed for a moment. But she quickly regained her composure and answered, "Oh, but the absence of any joy is pain. Her life has no meaning. It is not a life worth living."

"I'm sorry to disagree with you, Doctor," I replied. "But you see, as religious Jews, we believe in the inherent value of human life, even a life that has no 'quality' to it. So we won't be stopping the life support."

Later when I had time to think more, I began to realize that even a person in a vegetative state could bring about so much goodness in the world just simply by existing. I thought of my daughter. How so many volunteers did such kindness by visiting her, by bringing food to the hospital, by giving rides when we were too tired to drive, by praying on her behalf...she'd probably brought about more good deeds in her few short years on this earth than I'd managed to gather in ten of them!

We won't be stopping life support any time soon, Doctor. And when the time comes for our daughter to rejoin her creator near the Heavenly Throne, we'll be comforted to know that she's fulfilled her job on this earth in the best possible way. You can't make us take that away from her.

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Visitor Comments: 50

(50)
david,
January 3, 2008 3:35 PM

Thank you

I am a doctor. I often get asked similar questions about the patients I care for by family members and colleagues. However, the point of your daughter becoming a cause of good deeds and kindness in the world even though she cannot actively do anything will figure prominently in my future discussions with them. I hope to G-d your daughter is/will be better.

(49)
Robbie Lopez,
November 18, 2007 10:24 AM

Mercy

My heart goes out to you. Let your conscience be your guide, not the doctors , though , well meaning that they are. No one truly knows what they would do in your situation until it happens to them . I agree with you in this one.

(48)
Esther,
November 3, 2007 7:57 PM

Dear Mrs Brown:thank you for your inspiring article. I admire your strength to write such deep and personal feelings and share it with so many people. Hashem should continue to give you strength. I don't know you personally but as a sister in klal yisrael, you and your daughter are in my tefillos. Thank you again..

(47)
karen baye,
November 2, 2007 2:21 PM

Thank you

Thank you for understanding and writing this in a way that, perhaps, others will understand. We want to love Chasya, too. Thank you doesn't say enough...

(46)
Esther Tauby,
October 30, 2007 11:50 PM

Dear Yehudis:Thank you for sharing your very personal story in such a powerful and inspiring way at a very difficult time. I admire your courage and strength. May Hashem continue to give you, Chasya and your family the koach you need at this challenging time. I know somewhat how you feel, as our daughter, Golda Rochel A"H, was 3 1/2 when she was declared brain dead and put on life support after being burned in a terrible fire. She lived for three days afterwards and we also had to "fight" to keep her on life support and Baruch Hashem we were successful. In those much too short three days, we were able to spend short periods of time with her, brushing her hair (the only part of her that we were allowed to touch), sing and daven with her, ask mechila and say goodbye. We will forever be grateful for having those precious few days with her. Who could possibly measure the value of a human life or when it's the neshama's time to move on from this world to the next? Only Hashem can know. So, keep up your strength and emunah. Remember that so many mitzvos are being done in Chasya's honour. I have also added her name to our school's and shule's tehillim list. Sincerely, Esther Tauby

(45)
Shalah,
October 30, 2007 9:32 PM

Has Not G-d Power Over All Things?

The other morning upon awakening Chasya's story came to my mind along with the account in G-d's holy book in I Kings 17:16. This is all I can tell you. Why this account came to my mind along with Chasya's story, I cannot say. When like as Father Abraham we love G-d above all..Shalom

(44)
Shoshana,
October 29, 2007 8:36 PM

About the 4 year old girl Yona mentioned

Maybe it might be shyech for both mothers to daven for each othere's precious daughters?

Please tell the author how meaningful these words are for me. I wish that 12 years ago I had been where I am today when I allowed them to turn off life support for my son, who was declared brain dead.

(42)
Daniela,
October 26, 2007 8:56 AM

Selfish ?

I wish I could do it, but there's got to be a way to convice people like Anonymous, 10/25/2007 11:53:00 AM, that it's not selfish to keep a neshama alive in a situation like this. Can someone please post one or maybe someone could write an article addressing this better ? The article was so wonderful, but clearly it wasn't enough to shed light for these people.

(41)
Anonymous,
October 26, 2007 8:27 AM

Name for Tehillim?

May Hashem give you the strength you need to continue in this awesome Avodas Hakodesh!

(40)
Anonymous,
October 25, 2007 7:03 PM

Dear Mrs. Brown,I just want to let you know how much your daughter changed my life because "she'd probably brought about more good deeds in her few short years on this earth than I'd managed to gather in ten of them!" Yes, she has...I love visiting your daughter.

(39)
Anonymous,
October 25, 2007 1:46 PM

Keep fighting!

"Quality of life" came up as a subject in my Bioethics class, and the instructor told us that its Jewish definition is the ability to do mitzvos, whereas the secular definition is based on hedonism and utilitarianism. May your little girl grow to do even more mitzvos than she's doing now. Keep fighting!

(38)
yona,
October 25, 2007 1:11 PM

thank you thnak you

My 4 year old niece is in a similar situation due to a drowining accident. Your article spoke to my heart. I will forward it to my sister in law. May we all merit a refuah shlaima.

(37)
Anonymous,
October 25, 2007 11:53 AM

The thinking part of the brain vs the pain part

Yes, a brain dead patient cannot think. But they can probably feel physical pain. The brain stem (the part near the base of the brain) is responsible for the reception and reciept of pain. This is the most ancient part of our systems. Many creatures have similar brain areas. They feel pain even though they never in their existance have the capacity to think. They just have the capacity to react, and feel. This poor child may be in pain, thankfully she may not be able to fully realize the pain she is in b/c of the damage to her brain. What I am truly scared of is that if goodness forbid a similar thing was to happen to me that in the name of life I would be forced to breathe by machine, pumped and forced and electrified in some unnatural way while I have no chance of ever waking. My fear is that my brain will still work a little bit. Enough to turn me into a thinking person trapped in a half dead, unmoving, and unresponsive body... like a ghost, without form or ability to communicate... trapped. Why must we continue to selfishly force the dead to live, possibly suffering a fate worse than death simply because we have the technology to keep them going? It would be one thing if there was a reasonable hope for a recovery, but wihtout that all that is left is a breathing corpse, a shell of the person we loved with the added possibility of that person suffering every minute of their capativity and the living unable to let go, heal, and continue to live their lives.

(36)
E. M. Lefrak,
October 25, 2007 6:35 AM

a refuah shelaima

May your daughter have a refuah shelaima bekarov, b'soch sh'ar cholai Yisroel. Remember that HaShem's help can come in an instant.

(35)
Anonymous,
October 24, 2007 7:27 PM

may you have koach and much bracha

May Ha'Shem give you much stregnth and grant your daughter a refua shelema bimhera.

(34)
Renata,
October 24, 2007 6:25 PM

My prayers are with you!

May Hashem be merciful and kind to your little girl and your entire family. May he grant you the strength to deal with this trying time. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

(33)
Beverly Kurtin, Ph.D.,
October 24, 2007 9:39 AM

Yehudis, first, youâ€™re doing the right thing, but then again, you already know that, you don't need me to tell you that. I donâ€™t want to give you false hope, but as a survivor of brain damage myself, I want to just let you know that nobody knows what can happen. As long as the brain is not flat-lined, it can be repairing itself. In your case that might not be true, but after suffering a massive hemorrhagic stroke in â€™95, my family was told to kiss me goodbye, I was not going to make it through the night.

Obviously, I made through the night. I was in and out of a coma state. When I was released from the hospital, they had given me no therapy of any kind because they were convinced that I was going to die so why waste resources, that, despite the fact that my health care covered me 100 percent.

That was a dozen years ago, and although I still have difficulties speaking and walking and staying awake, I am improving every day. My brain is repairing itself; something the â€œexpertsâ€NSM_BADCHAR=<0x9d> said could not happen. I do not know whether or not your daughterâ€™s condition will ever improve, I pray that it will, nothing is impossible in our Godâ€™s world.

Doctors hate to hear this, but they donâ€™t know EVERYTHING. Can your daughter hear you? I think that while she canâ€™t hear you as we think of â€œhearing,â€NSM_BADCHAR=<0x9d> she can somehow feel your presence. When I was in the deepest part of my coma, I knew somehow that my sister and son were with me, even though I could not hear them.

Being in a coma one feels nothing. I went through some pretty painful procedures while I was in coma states, but I never felt a thing. And when I woke up, it was as though a few seconds had passed; I had zero awareness that Iâ€™d been in a coma. The only reason I know that some painful things had been done to me is that I was told later what was done.

Will a miracle occur? Who knows? Iâ€™m praying for one for your daughter and you.

(32)
Batya Feigenbaum,
October 23, 2007 3:29 PM

Tehillim Name

Unless they have recently added a name for Chasya - the tehilim name is Chasya bas Yehudis.

(31)
Hilary,
October 23, 2007 2:19 PM

Thank you for your article

May Hashem give you and your family the strength to continue through this trying time, and may He bless your little girl Chasya.

(30)
Tova Saul,
October 23, 2007 1:42 PM

such nobility and holiness

This article is so replete with nobility, strength,and dignity. The tangible inspiration that swells all of our hearts as we read it is the proof of the truth of the inherent value of human life. This was brought home to me in 1990 as several doctors---Christian, Orthodox Jewish, and Buddhist----sat with me, my mother, and my brother (all observant Jews) and 2 non-observant cousins to discuss whether or not to cease life support for my 90-year old single aunt.My brother had already given all the medical details to a Rav in NY, who decided that halachically, based on this info, that life support should be continued. As the strong opinions of the non-Jewish doctors and the 2 cousins were thwarted by the halachic decision, it seemed to me that the holiness of the decision was palpable in the room.

(29)
Malka Morris,
October 23, 2007 12:12 PM

I appreciate the article

We need to hear more about this subject. We should never have to be confronted with needing to make such a decision, but it is important to know the right way to look a life and life in all its possible stages. Thank you.

(28)
Arwen Kuttner,
October 23, 2007 10:41 AM

I think I"ve heard about you

I think I've heard your story through several friends who know you. If you are who you think I are, I want you to know I've been davening for your daughter daily and will continue to do so.

(27)
Anonymous,
October 23, 2007 8:57 AM

please post her complete name

please post her complete name so we can hve her in mind

(26)
Anonymous,
October 23, 2007 8:31 AM

Keep on going Yehudis! We are behind you!

Yehudis, I always knew you are something made from stronger stuff. Thank you for spreading this important message. We daven for when there is life, there is hope!

(25)
Anonymous,
October 22, 2007 9:11 PM

This article has touched me like no other.

No, I never did stop to think about what it would be like to be in this situation, G-d forbid, but we all should. For accidents and illness happen, and nobody should think they or their families are immune.

I can't even imagine Mrs. Brown's pain. I am writing this with tears in my eyes (even though I'm not usually an emotional person). Thank you, Mrs. Brown, for posting this article. You're right: you've experienced emotions that most ordinary minds can't fathom, and you've shared your knowledge with us all. I wish your daughter a refuah shlaima, and comfort to your family. Thank you for this moving, profound article.

(24)
Anonymous,
October 22, 2007 5:10 PM

please allow me to have her name to pray! May the Boss send his refua shelema

!

(23)
Batya Feigenbaum,
October 22, 2007 1:03 PM

Yehudis - you probably don't remember me - but I was your shiur camper in Heller and we kept in touch for a while. I always looked up to you as a role model of how I wanted to be. I remember when Chasya was born - I admired you so much then and even more so now. Yehudis - you have unbelievable emunah and Hashem should just give you the koach and ability to continue being the amazing person that you are! My tefilos are with you!!!

(22)
Anonymous,
October 22, 2007 12:59 PM

Yasher Koach

I stand in awe of your courage, dedication to Torah principles and the ultimate kindness that you are doing for your daughter. Rabbi J. David Bleich writes in Bioethical Dilemmas, Vol. 1, about the z'chut (merit) that redounds to one for the goodness that he or she causes, even passively! He derives this clearly and beautifully from the story of Korach in Bamidbar. May HaShem grant your daughter a refuah sh'laimah and much courage and strength to you and your family.

(21)
Liora,
October 22, 2007 11:25 AM

G-D Bless You

Wow! What a tear-jerking yet inspirational story. I really admire your courage and strength during this difficult time, and am comforted in knowing that there are still people who value the sanctity of life. May G-D bless you, and may your prayers be answere.

(20)
Linda Evans Shepherd,
October 22, 2007 10:29 AM

The doc tried to kill my daughter too -- but she lives!

My 18-month-old daughter was deemed to be in a vegative state following a car crash -- and the docs wanted to pull her plug too. I told them that God could have my daughter if he wanted her but he didn't me to take her life. A year later, Laura woke up when we placed her newborn brother in her arms. God will honor you as you fight for your daughter's life.

(19)
Andy,
October 22, 2007 10:21 AM

don't know if would act the same but I admire you

I have a living will stating no artificial life support and feel prepared to answer if/when called to judgement. Don't know what I would do if had to decide for another particularly for a child. May you be blessed with a miracle and if not may you take comfort in the good deeds that her being alive generates. I can't imagine why the med staff wants to end her life. Maybe the expense.Is there a shortage of caretakers or hospital space?

(18)
Avrohom Applebaum,
October 22, 2007 10:07 AM

May Hashem grant you the strength and courage to go on. May He perform a miracle for your daughter.

(17)
Anonymous,
October 22, 2007 9:58 AM

doctors who kill

Keep up your fight for life. It is a hard battle, but your daughter will feel your love, and the doctors will learn something from it.

When my mother was severely disabled from a second stroke and many complications, the doctors pressured us hard to pull the plug. We did not. We fought them for more than two years. This was a Jewish facility, with many orthodox doctors.

From my experience, the emotional/spiritual capacity of people is still present even when they are considered "brain dead" by doctors who know nothing about the soul. In fact, the doctors who fought us the hardest were the ones who themselves had pulled the plug--in other words, killed--one of their loved ones.

(16)
Anonymous,
October 22, 2007 9:02 AM

I believe the tape was by Rabbi Frand.

(15)
Marie Weidemann,
October 22, 2007 8:41 AM

Prayers

I pray that HaShem grants you and your family the strength to face the future...May He comfort you and your family also, now and always...

(14)
david,
October 22, 2007 6:55 AM

I just pray to G-D to cure your beautiful daughter and bring her back to life...May G-D give comfort and strenghth.

(13)
Shalah,
October 21, 2007 11:19 PM

May HaShem wrap His arms around you and hold you tightly.

Yehudis, I cannot even begin to imagine the grief and sorrow you may be feeling. I pray that HaShem strengthen and comfort you and your family. Your article is full of strength in spite of your grief! May the G-d who created us all in HIS image grant you a Divine re-creative miracle beyond hope. May He strengthen you and truly bless your faith in His Divine wisdom.

(12)
Anonymous,
October 21, 2007 9:06 PM

I see that H-shem has blessed you with a clarity and a wisdom. Please continue writing your thoughts and your feelings, both for yourself and for us. May He also bless you with a koach and a nechama.

(11)
Sharon,
October 21, 2007 7:46 PM

Dear Yehudis,

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this article during what must be a terrible period in your family's life. I am somewhat (and only a little bit) aware of the position your family is in.

My dear stepfather suffered a massive stroke two years ago. After the stroke he was in a semi-comatic state for three weeks. After the first week, the doctors asked if we wanted a feeding tube put in to my stepfather's stomach to ensure that he received enough nourishment. My mother, my sister and I were agreed that this was the only correct course of action. Our rabbi (by the way a Conservative rabbi) was adamant that my stepfather not be starved to death.

Amazingly, even though we were agreed on the necessity of the feeding tube, the doctors were not! They asked us multiple times if this would be my stepfather's choice if he were able to speak for himself. Although they could not predict whether or not he would remain in a coma, or what state his health would be in if he did awake, they felt that we should not take the chance and hope!

My stepfather did wake up. But he is changed, and lives permanently in a nursing home. And he is still of value. Life is not easy for him or for my mother, but we love him very much and will take as much time with him as we are given.

My husband is also a doctor, and now that time has passed since this incident, I have thought about why the doctors had so little hope and so much fear of disability. Doctors see themselves as being warriors against death. People who are disabled or ill and under their care are patients whom they have failed to heal. The presence of the disabled and the dying embarrasses and shames them. It is a terrible way to see the world, and to see humanity. It is a burden doctors often do not know they carry.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sharon

(10)
Anonymous,
October 21, 2007 7:29 PM

sanctity of life

What a moving story! I have seen my sister stricken by measles and left with the brain capacity of a two year old for the rest of her life. She later died at age 26, and I felt guilty for mourning her. It is true that just because someone is not productive does not mean their life is not worthwhile. I have heard comments like that of the first visitor. My heart goes out to them and to everyone in these situations that are hopeless and seem to drag out forever. I can understand how difficult this is for all of us.

(9)
Geraldine Katovich,
October 21, 2007 4:10 PM

Brain Dead But Still Gave

Four years ago my second son, Kent's fiancee, Sarah was hit broadside and the only injury was her brain being severed from her brainstem. She never regained consciousness, and within a week her body starting to die. At this time, her family made the choice to turn off life supports and offer organ donors to seven people in need of organs who could not get the needed organs otherwise. The mother could have decided to keep her on life support and maybe she would still be in a vegetative state today, but she would never, ever be the Sarah we knew. Two years almost to the day Sarah died my son died of cancer and once again was reunited with her. We should not have to bury our children but if we realize that they have served their purpose here and G-d is calling them home, who are we to interfere. Without great intervention, your child could not exist here any longer. G-d is calling your child home. When we have good intentions, they are seldom for the intended, but instead for us. Let your child go. Who are we to question G-d and His plan? I pray that you and your family will be able to accept what G-d wills.Gerry

(8)
Susan Benesch,
October 21, 2007 2:42 PM

May Hashem watch over you and give you the strength to assist your daughter

(7)
r,
October 21, 2007 1:57 PM

Inspirational heroes

Mrs. Brown eloquently expressed her difficulties during this terible nisayon -- and enabled "anonymous" to voice his/her own difficulties. Perhaps Mrs. Brown could publicize the name of the tape/speaker/distributor who helped her, so that others could also derive chizuk.To follow Mrs. Brown's line of thinking, I would like to suggest 2 pts: one, that your father is accumulating merits for ETERNITY with all the chessed he is evoking, esp in his children -- which will bring them, the children, the blessing of lengethening their life and preparing a good life for them in the world-to-come. Furthermore, lets all try to work on seeing how distorted modern society's values are -- on the one hand, they espouse the urgency of "dying with dignity"; on the other, they promulgate clothing fashions and lifestyles that far, far far removed from any semblance of dignity.... So let us consider how we in our own lives manifest our Zelem Elokim....Perhaps Aish could provide more learned sources for this important issue. Thanks!

(6)
Anonymous,
October 21, 2007 1:54 PM

When it's time to die

Twenty years ago when my father had suffered from pneumonia, his organs began shutting down. Asked to take him off life support, my mother refused.

Aware that he would never wake up, I requested that my mother sit by his bedside, and give him permission to let go. She told him that his life had been successful, and that he was loved.

Shortly after this, he died, still on life support.

In the case of a child, it's far more difficult to make the proper decision. Doctors are not always right when they pronounce that a person will be a vegetable, will never walk or talk again. Strangely enough, miracles do occur.

If this were my daughter, I would sit by her bedside and tell her how much she was loved, and that while we would miss her, if it was her desire to leave, that was okay. but I would also tell her that if it was her desire to stay, that would also be okay. Chances are, no matter what the doctor says, some part of her can hear what is said. I sincerely hope the doctors have not made their pronouncements in her presence.

In one sense, it is entirely up to the child now, whether she lives or dies, whether she prefers to stay or to go. Because I believe in eternal life, and I trust Hashem, I would not be afraid to put the decision into her hands.

(5)
Jim Boldt,
October 21, 2007 12:35 PM

Affirming the Value of Life

This needed to be said. An innocent person does not become less worthy of living because the "quality" of her or his life is diminished. "Quality of life" is the physical ability of express, enjoy, and actively contribute; it can change. The value of life, however, is inherent and God-given; it does not change. No one has the right, much less an ethical imperative, to take an innocent life simply because, in our estimation, that person's "quality of life" is less than it should be. Where are we morally when we start deciding that one person deserves to live and another deserves to die? I like the way the author alluded to some of the ways that this little girl brings out the best in the lives of others. Though uncommunicative, she makes us think more, feel more, and identify our overarching values. She makes us value life itself more. Thanks to her mother for bringing us this tragic yet inspiring true story.

(4)
Sheva,
October 21, 2007 12:22 PM

Bless the Good and the Bad

I commend both the writer of this article and the comment to write from their hearts during this horrible time. Everyone's situation is different but the emotions are the same. It is hard to watch the ones that we love in such horrible situations from which we know that their bodies will not return. But remember that the bodies we are looking at are just that, only their bodies. The neshama (the soul) of the person we love is still there. COntinue to be strong and do what is neccessary until Hashem determines the threshold of life should be extinguished. May Hashem continue to give you both strength and courage.

B'ahava.

(3)
Anonymous,
October 21, 2007 11:43 AM

just like me, not like Reb Zusha

Reb Zusha was always concerned about reaching his own potential---what the Almighty wanted of him. WE must all realize that everyone has his own job to do----active or proactive. We should all be zocheh to be what the Almighty wants of each of us.We as parents must help our children reach their own potential----not the potential of others.may we go from strength to strength.

(2)
Anonymous,
October 21, 2007 10:59 AM

watching a child on life support

I too have stood in that hospital room watching my child on life support. I don't recomend it for anyone. I did disconnet when his brain waves were a straight line but I didn't want too. My heart goes out to you.

(1)
Anonymous,
October 21, 2007 7:37 AM

the sanctity of life

I find myself at this moment contemplating the meaning of the sanctity of life. At this moment, my 85 year old father stands on the threshold between life and death. About eight years ago he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and suffered a slow degeneration of functioning. More than six months ago he reached a point of complete inability to communicate - even to make eye contact. This was the point at which I really had trouble understanding the point of his existence. In addition he suffers from cancer and is given blood transfusions to compensate for his blood loss. No medical professional has ever questioned whether to give him these. The Rav we consulted told us also that his treatment is to be the same as a mentally well person. Unfortunately I know that he would have preferred to die than to reach this state of existence - who wouldn't? Now he has suffered a heart attack and is in "very serious condition". Sadly, my father, suffered his whole life. As a child, he suffered from hunger in a family who could not properly provide for their children. At 15 he left home escaping the Holocause and never saw his parents, who were murdered by the Nazis, again. Later he married and was led into a religious lifestyle. I know he was proud of his two daughters and ten grandchildren. His Jewish identity became a very important part of his self image. I wonder why he needs to go through this now. When I see my father today, I see a bag of bones. There is little evidence that in this pathetic vessel once dwelled a thriving human being. I wish I had heard the lecture that the author mentioned.I don't believe that a person has to be "productive" in the sense that society intends to have meaning in their life. I can accept that some people will be on the receiving side of Hesed, and that also has a purpose. But I cannot pray to G-d that He should grant my father a complete recovery, because after all, it is not a possibility.And, of course, accompanying all of these thoughts is the very real fear that one day it will be me lying in a bed, shed of the human dignity that we have come to expect as our due.Halacha has always been our guiding light, but to say that I understand this, I cannot.

I just got married and have an important question: Can we eat rice on Passover? My wife grew up eating it, and I did not. Is this just a matter of family tradition?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Torah instructs a Jew not to eat (or even possess) chametz all seven days of Passover (Exodus 13:3). "Chametz" is defined as any of the five grains (wheat, spelt, barley, oats, and rye) that came into contact with water for more than 18 minutes. Chametz is a serious Torah prohibition, and for that reason we take extra protective measures on Passover to prevent any mistakes.

Hence the category of food called "kitniyot" (sometimes referred to generically as "legumes"). This includes rice, corn, soy beans, string beans, peas, lentils, peanuts, mustard, sesame seeds and poppy seeds. Even though kitniyot cannot technically become chametz, Ashkenazi Jews do not eat them on Passover. Why?

Products of kitniyot often appear like chametz products. For example, it can be hard to distinguish between rice flour (kitniyot) and wheat flour (chametz). Also, chametz grains may become inadvertently mixed together with kitniyot. Therefore, to prevent confusion, all kitniyot were prohibited.

In Jewish law, there is one important distinction between chametz and kitniyot. During Passover, it is forbidden to even have chametz in one's possession (hence the custom of "selling chametz"). Whereas it is permitted to own kitniyot during Passover and even to use it - not for eating - but for things like baby powder which contains cornstarch. Similarly, someone who is sick is allowed to take medicine containing kitniyot.

What about derivatives of kitniyot - e.g. corn oil, peanut oil, etc? This is a difference of opinion. Many will use kitniyot-based oils on Passover, while others are strict and only use olive or walnut oil.

Finally, there is one product called "quinoa" (pronounced "ken-wah" or "kin-o-ah") that is permitted on Passover even for Ashkenazim. Although it resembles a grain, it is technically a grass, and was never included in the prohibition against kitniyot. It is prepared like rice and has a very high protein content. (It's excellent in "cholent" stew!) In the United States and elsewhere, mainstream kosher supervision agencies certify it "Kosher for Passover" -- look for the label.

Interestingly, the Sefardi Jewish community does not have a prohibition against kitniyot. This creates the strange situation, for example, where one family could be eating rice on Passover - when their neighbors will not. So am I going to guess here that you are Ashkenazi and your wife is Sefardi. Am I right?

Yahrtzeit of Rabbi Moses ben Nachman (1194-1270), known as Nachmanides, and by the acronym of his name, Ramban. Born in Spain, he was a physician by trade, but was best-known for authoring brilliant commentaries on the Bible, Talmud, and philosophy. In 1263, King James of Spain authorized a disputation (religious debate) between Nachmanides and a Jewish convert to Christianity, Pablo Christiani. Nachmanides reluctantly agreed to take part, only after being assured by the king that he would have full freedom of expression. Nachmanides won the debate, which earned the king's respect and a prize of 300 gold coins. But this incensed the Church: Nachmanides was charged with blasphemy and he was forced to flee Spain. So at age 72, Nachmanides moved to Jerusalem. He was struck by the desolation in the Holy City -- there were so few Jews that he could not even find a minyan to pray. Nachmanides immediately set about rebuilding the Jewish community. The Ramban Synagogue stands today in Jerusalem's Old City, a living testimony to his efforts.

It's easy to be intimidated by mean people. See through their mask. Underneath is an insecure and unhappy person. They are alienated from others because they are alienated from themselves.

Have compassion for them. Not pity, not condemning, not fear, but compassion. Feel for their suffering. Identify with their core humanity. You might be able to influence them for the good. You might not. Either way your compassion frees you from their destructiveness. And if you would like to help them change, compassion gives you a chance to succeed.

It is the nature of a person to be influenced by his fellows and comrades (Rambam, Hil. De'os 6:1).

We can never escape the influence of our environment. Our life-style impacts upon us and, as if by osmosis, penetrates our skin and becomes part of us.

Our environment today is thoroughly computerized. Computer intelligence is no longer a science-fiction fantasy, but an everyday occurrence. Some computers can even carry out complete interviews. The computer asks questions, receives answers, interprets these answers, and uses its newly acquired information to ask new questions.

Still, while computers may be able to think, they cannot feel. The uniqueness of human beings is therefore no longer in their intellect, but in their emotions.

We must be extremely careful not to allow ourselves to become human computers that are devoid of feelings. Our culture is in danger of losing this essential aspect of humanity, remaining only with intellect. Because we communicate so much with unfeeling computers, we are in danger of becoming disconnected from our own feelings and oblivious to the feelings of others.

As we check in at our jobs, and the computer on our desk greets us with, "Good morning, Mr. Smith. Today is Wednesday, and here is the agenda for today," let us remember that this machine may indeed be brilliant, but it cannot laugh or cry. It cannot be happy if we succeed, or sad if we fail.

Today I shall...

try to remain a human being in every way - by keeping in touch with my own feelings and being sensitive to the feelings of others.

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