Real Housewives Of D.C.: Be Careful What You Wish For

PLAYING ‘CAT’ & MOUSE

Real Housewives Of D.C. Recap: Be Careful What You Wish For

IN HER PICTURE PERFECT HOUSE, CAT’S WORKING WITH HER BOOK EDITOR ON HER BIOGRAPHY.

She’s dressed casually but wearing a necklace that looks like it weighs a ton and costs a fortune, all heavy and sparkly and pink. It’s quite beautiful, as is Cat.

Stacie and husband Jason are visiting friends who own a winery. She’s quite the name dropper/social climber, telling us that their friends’ wine was served at a White House dinner. Everyone’s in jeans until the Salahis arrive by limo all glammed out. They bring a bottle from their (his family’s) winery and can’t wait to taste the host’s wine. Tareq’s all wine knowledge blah blah blah, as Stacie and Jason stare and nod.

Later, since it’s D.C., they talk about Obama’s policies and Michaele rambles on about Republicans and Democrats and Obama bringing together the red white and blue. To which Jason says, “Say what?” He thinks Michaele just likes to talk and look pretty.

Stacie and Jason are leaving in three days for Paris. Jason’s brother is apparently a rapping sensation there and they’re attending his record release party. They invite the Salahis, who tell them be careful what they ask for, that they’re very ‘spur of the moment’ people. Stacie tells us that if the Salahis can go to Paris with three days notice, then they are really big ballers.

Meanwhile, Lynda and Mary get together at a fashion show. Lynda tells Mary that Michaele got in her face because she heard Lynda said she needed to eat a cheeseburger. It’s her health Lynda’s concerned about… Really?

They trash Michaele some more, saying she used to be 10 pounds heavier and had a beautiful soul that’s being suffocated by Tareq’s boisterous behavior. That meanie, bestowing all kinds of clothing and handbags and shoes on poor Michaele, virtually suffocating the girl in goods.

Stacie and Jason pack for Paris. Big ballers Tareq and Michaele pack for Paris. It’s a weekend trip and he wants her to pack a valise while she wants three suitcases or at least two and a half. Jason tells Stacie he thought for sure they were bullshitting about going but thinks the foursome will have a great time.

Lynda chats with Cat about her book. Since Lynda runs a modeling agency she invited Cat over to talk about shooting the cover. Cat talks in that kinda low, proper, drunken slurry British accent that’s both annoying and sexy at the same time. Meanwhile Mary’s having lunch with husband Rich, telling him she wants to have a party to introduce hairdresser Ted Gibson to Washington Society. She’s invited everyone and hoped for the best. They both agree that Michaele being all in Lynda’s face at Paul’s party was inappropriate.

There’s a family moment at Cat’s with her kids and husband Charles. the photographer, gathered in the family room. He announces he’s going to New York to shoot something for Goldman Sachs and she’s disappointed that he won’t around to shoot her for her book cover.

She’s also annoyed that he’s not more sympathetic to her busy schedule. He is not… at all. She says, and one of the girls echoes, that while he’s been “swanning around,” she’s been trying to meet a deadline. He’s offended, and rightly so, at the “swanning around” crack. After all, he’s been working where as she’s been writing a book that may or may not sell. See, Jason was right, Cat’s just a bitch.

Paul Wharton meets with his publicist for the buzz on his party. She tells him that Michaele’s attorney has called and wants Paul to put in writing that Tareq and Michaele will not be responsible to pay for Paul’s birthday party. They had threatened not to come until the letter was signed. So… they brought one bottle of champagne, made a grand entrance and pretended to host the bash. Paul is appalled and can’t wait to call Mary and let her know that the Salahis reneged on paying for the party. Mary tells us that in D.C. if you say you are hosting a party, you are paying for it. And now the Salahis are off to Paris!??!! WTF?!

Jason’s impressed at the $1,000 bottle of Dom the Salahis open on their hotel room balcony and notes that the Salahi’s are not like any of their other friends. In other words, they are some extravagant muther——-.

The Turners and the Salahis let loose at the release party. Stacie says she’s so proud of the kid, and that he introduced an entire new genre of hip hop to Paris or something. Please girl, it sounds like the same ol’ hip hop to me. Be proud but, sometime Stacie’s a bit much.

Cat poses all Sex and the City> for her book cover, which she says doesn’t represent her although she’s a picture perfect “lady who lunches”: blonde hair, shopping bags, little black dress, sunglasses and all. Charles the photographer shows up later and shoots her in an escalator tunnel at Dupont Circle Station. She’s in leopard and Louis and still has that same look, but she’s satisfied that Charles the photographer has done a better job.

Ugh, then the journey talk begins. It seems Stacie was adopted and her “journey” is to find her blood relatives. She tells her story to Michaele on their shopping trip. She’s communicated with her mom but the mom doesn’t want to tell her who the father is. And I guess she’s not up for Maury.

Mary’s friends, hairstylists Ted Gibson and Jason Backe, arrive. Mary tells them of the Salahis’ faux pax and Jason says a woman who attended the party told him that Tareq had come over and asked if they were enjoying themselves because he’d “spent a lot of money on party.” Mary’s flabbergasted.

Lynda, Mary, Stacie and Cat get their hair and makeup done by Ted and Jason. Nothing like making them work for their entre. Stacie hears Lynda ask that Michaele be seated far away from her. She feels funny about it but stays mum. Afterward, everyone sits down for dinner with Ted and Jason. Paul decides to confront Michael and Tareq at another time; Lynda tries to ignore Michaele.

Lynda makes the mistake of calling Cat her new soul sister and Mary joins in. They start toasting , and Lynda tells Cat that if she can sing, she’ll call her Diana Ross (because Cat had this feathered boa thing around her neck, I think). Well, Stacie’s friend Erika cracks, “Oh, we have a black girl in the group!” and Stacie says, “Yea, I know.”

Cat immediately takes offense and leaves the table. Paul goes out to comfort her and she repeats the crack and protests that she’s not racist, sexist or prejudiced in any way. He agrees and tries to give her a peck and she jokingly tells him, “No, get away from me, you’re gay and you’re colored.” Yes, she said COLORED.

At the table, as Tareq talks about how much his wife has improved since they married, Lynda tells us Michaele looks tired and stressed and that she should get rid of her husband.

SexyChattyCatty is a regular contributor at CrabbyGolightly.com where she frequently writes on TV, America’s favorite snack food.