Thoughts & Musings: April Edition

And just like that, the month of April is almost gone. Life continues to move ahead, no matter how much I like it to slow down. Do you ever feel that way? Wishing you could stop the passage of time, even for a small moment?

* * * * *

Not good news. Not bad news. Just news.

That’s the latest approach to incoming information around my health. Changing the language I use helps me release expectation around whatever is coming my way. Case in point: my latest blood work. The CA-125 is at an all time high of 328 (when I was diagnosed and had a massive tumor, that number was 277).

Could I completely lose my shit over this number? Yes. Am I going to? Not this time.

Sidenote: The HE-4 is also elevated, but still within a “normal” range, so there’s that.

The fact is, I feel great. My days are full with work, exercise, eating, and sleeping (and of course, plenty of fun and home projects). It’s a weird thing to know that cancer is there, biding its time, but that life can go on despite it.

That’s the acceptance I’m trying to embrace. Sure, given the choice, this bitch wouldn’t even be on the radar, but it is. So, it’s time to let go of the resistance and opposition to this reality.

Cancer, it’s time you and I became friends. Because we’re going to be stuck with each other for awhile.

* * * * *

Which leads me to meditation and the wisdom of Andy Puddicome (aka – the founder of Headspace)

I’ve talked about my meditation practice before, and I find myself having more and more conversations with others about it in my every day life. (Finally, something to discuss other than keto! hahahaha.)

I’m currently working through the cancer series that’s available within the app and every day, I shake my head in amazement (or start crying #becauselife) as the words washing over me speak directly to my heart.

Andy always starts the meditation with a thought or insight, that upon hearing, I think “Obviously!” or “Of course! Why didn’t I think of that?”

Sometimes we need to hear what we already know in a voice that isn’t our own.

A sexy British voice certainly helps.

Here are some of my favorite a ha moments of the past month. Perhaps one will speak to you…

Hope and fear are two sides of the same coin.

In letting go of the future, we immediately find ourselves in the present.

A sense of ease is not easy to achieve.

Everyone’s journey is different, so there really is no right or wrong way.

Whatever is going on, there are many people who are going through this same journey. We are not alone. We are going through a shared human existence.

It takes a real sense of courage to be present and sit with life as it is.

The mind is different every day. So is the body. So are your emotions. Approach these differences with curiosity, not judgement.

A humbling experience can be a liberating experience; it doesn’t have to be negative.

There was some serious stuff in your words (between the line), had to read it a couple times to stomach it. Like all the samples from your meditation sessions …. Thank you my dear …. this was a little bit an eye opener !

Your journey has been difficult yet you still keep fighting the good fight while inspiring us all… As my situation continues to challenge me more these days, I am comforted by seeing you tackle some of the toughest there is and only hope I can muster through things with as much grace as you have shown in your battle. Always wishing you the very best, Jess! ❤

just thinking of you today…the way you are handling this shows all of us how strong you are and demonstrates just how beautiful and graceful you are….I hope you have a happy birthday..sending all the love and hugs you can handle!!

Jessica, you truly inspire me with your heart, tenacity, and openness. I loved reading this and especially connected with letting go of the future to fully be present in the now. ❤️ It’s so hard to do that when we’ve been trained to be go-getters and keep looking ahead towards the next goal to conquer. I love you & appreciate your thoughts. They are a breath of fresh air!!! You are so loved!