Sexual Abuse as a child

Category Archives: Love

Summertime should be a time of fun and laughter. Not usually for me or my family. It gets so hot in ILLINOIS, that my husband to whom works outside all day on barges, gets absolutely exhausted and I worry about him. I have PTSD, from sexual abuse, and summertime is worse for flashbacks, because that’s when a lot of it happened. My oldest daughter has health issues, and it seems that when she should be enjoying the sun, she has to go through another surgery. My youngest daughter, well, she’s young and trying to survive in our horrible economy.

In the past, I wouldn’t be able to function hardly at all. I wouldn’t get up early and exercise, I would mope around unable to smile. Since, it doesn’t get any easier, I’ve learned to cope. Not pretend troubles don’t happen, just realize that life wasn’t intended to be easy, it was intended for you to look at the glass half full. I now look at my husband, my daughters and my granddaughter, and tell myself to keep fighting. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Life is what you make of it. Sure, I get aggravated and angry at times, cry, yell at the idiot driver next to me. That doesn’t mean my life sucks, it means that life is life. You go through the shit, and keep trudging on.

Another thing, since I am almost 48 years old in September, I will no longer try to please everyone, and change myself to do it. I am me, take me or leave me. I will speak my mind. Hopefully I remember to do it with respect, but I am not going to take any crap off of anyone. I was a door mat for a long time, not any more.

Be true to you. Be respectful and loving. Help when your able. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t, and don’t let anyone change you or your personality. God made you unique, and He didn’t mean for anyone to change you!!!!

As I said in one of my other posts, the start of 2016 was, well, a nightmare. I won’t give you any details, other than to say, I thought my whole life was going to hell in a hand basket.

Now, it’s the end of January and I feel like I’m walking on clouds. I feel appreciated, loved, protected and because of a skin care product I use, I finally feel pretty.

It takes some sanding down to bare metal sometimes to find the smooth. The expression, “Diamond in the Rough,” fits my life to a T.

I am trying to learn to be positive instead of a DEBBIE DOWNER. I’m trying not to always wait for the sky to fall. Just because life is good right now, doesn’t mean it is going to end. I love my family, each and everyone of them. My husband is at work and I miss him. After eight years of marriage, we are cuddling and listening to each other. It’s a shame we as humans have to go through rough periods in our lives to appreciate how wonderful our lives really are.

Please, take the advice of a 48 year old, stop being so negative. It’s stressful and uncalled for. Life IS what you make of it. So, make it beautiful.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

When you love someone, you protect them, stand up for them, they can count on you no matter what mistakes they make. Too many people throw that word, Love, around lightly, then when a big problem arises, they’re ready to throw in the towel.

In the past, I was guilty of this. I don’t want to throw those words around any more. I don’t want to tell anyone I love them, unless, I’m willing to back those very important three words up.

This goes for spouses, family, friends and Christians. Self professed Christians sometimes say those words way too much. If you gossip about someone, you don’t love them. If you give someone an ultimatum, you don’t love them. How could you? If you are ready to throw a relationship away at the first sign of trouble, well, that causes fear. That’s not perfect love.

So many times in the past, people have told me they love me, but when I did something they didn’t agree with, or didn’t meet up to their standards, they abandoned me. Left me high and dry. With nothing, but hurt feelings and distrust. Please don’t do that to someone. Love them with your whole heart. Stand by them through thick and thin. You never know when it could be the last day, hour or minute that you ever see them again.