Ex-Boyfriends.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Hey guys! So Jon was booking movie tickets for The Amazing Spiderman and X-Men: Days of Future Past the other day. Yes, I have booked my X...

Hey guys!

So Jon was booking movie tickets for The Amazing Spiderman and X-Men: Days of Future Past the other day. Yes, I have booked my X-Men tickets. I love X-Men. No wait, I really love X-men. You don't understand. Before Coke Light, coffee, social media, Forever 21, and Nike, Jac spent all her time obsessing over X-Men.

NO, wait really. I HAVE PROOF. Here are some pictures of my VCD collection (last time no DVDs yet), the complete set of X-Men Evolution comics, and some postcards on the wall of my old house. Where did I get these photos? From an old post I did back in 2011 of course, on X-Men: First Class.

I love X-Men. Always have, always will. Unlike some of the things I used to love but are now indifferent towards. Like Popular bookstores, Internet Explorer, and Nokia phones.

So this led me thinking of ex-boyfriends. Ex-boyfriends play a part in everyone's lives. Even if you are a guy okay. It matters to you because you do not want your girlfriend's ex-boyfriends to be better/hotter/smarter than you. Don't act secure okay. I know if your girlfriend's ex-boyfriend was like, Ryan Gosling, you would be the most insecure guy on the planet.

So there are many different kinds of ex-boyfriends. And I have come up with a list of the many different kinds of ex-boyfriends there are out there. Not because I have a lot of experience with ex-boyfriends of course. It's more because I used to spend a lot of time on this website which I used to love. It's called Thought Catalog. We have since drifted apart after I got introduced to Mashable and Buzzfeed. Yes so, Thought Catalog. And also because I watched all 6 seasons of Sex And The City, all 9 seasons of How I Met Your Mother, and a plethora of romantic comedies including How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, Hitch, and 27 Dresses.

I am also very well-versed with all the Sandra Bullock movies of course.

Oh this one, where do I start? He might have been the perfect guy whom you have been with since you were teenagers but then broke up with when one of you went overseas to study. Or the one whom you once had a chance with but you know, decided to overlook because he was the skater boy and you said,"See you later boy!" because you thought he wasn't good enough for you, instead of,

"Yes! Please have my babies so that me and our perfect kids can be all over your Instagram profile when you become a rich rockstar."

(Okay, I know this isn't very apt because they are both famous but I do not know any other celebrities who flood their Instagram accounts with baby photos).

Anyway, the ex which got away is very real okay. This is surely why pop music is populated with songs such as "Sk8r Boi" and, well, "The One That Got Away".

But you know, even if you had that perfect guy who got away, that's no reason to wallow and cry over spilt milk (for too long a duration). Chin up! You could be with the one you are trying to get away from. Now that's worse.

So you know what's worse than missing your perfect now ex-boyfriend? Having the imperfect ex-boyfriend trying to reconnect with you ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Like whatsapp upon whatsapp upon whatsapp. And when you block him on whatsapp, he texts you instead!!

DUDE. Get a grip. The reason why you are my ex is of course I no longer want to talk to you because you behaved like a dick and I am not into self-abuse. So give me back all my stuff and then please just go away.

So I realise that not all relationships end on a bad note. And in some cases, your taste in guys wasn't really that bad. Things just didn't work out because, well, you were too young to know better, someone migrated to another country, or he was too horny to keep it in his pants.Whatever the reason, there is always a minute chance that you and your ex can still be friends!

Yes. I am friends with two of my exes. One is my first boyfriend. We sometimes talk on Facebook messenger. Mostly about our boring lives. More recently, I accidentally wished him a happy belated birthday.

Yes this ex-boyfriend of mine is good. He is a lawyer. Luckily we broke up. Being with me might have killed all his chances of being intelligent. Also I heard that lawyers have to remember lots of things (including birthdays). And they must have a way with words. Which I clearly don't of course.

[Note: Ex-BF was also the one who gave me my X-Men encyclopaedia which I mentioned in the X-Men: First Class post above.]

My other ex-boyfriend with whom I'm friends with was my colleague back when I worked in Nike. Sometimes he helps me like stuff on Facebook (like my Iceland selfie), and sometimes he asks me for directions to Holland V. Anyway, now he is a magician and everyone please go and like his Facebook page here. He's very cool and good. If you need magicians for your events you can look for him.

Omg you can't even bear to even talk about this guy. In your resume of ex-boyfriends, this is the guy whom you could never figure out why you even bothered talking to in the first place. Omg. I'm thinking of this ex right now. I want to die. Someone kill me him right now.

I know I know. Your ex-boyfriend was perfect. He went shopping with you, he knew what colours complemented your skin tone, he advised you on what flowers to put on your bedside table, and he even could line your eyes in the morning. Newsflash! He's gay!

I'm sorry girl, but you're never going to be with him. Unless you need a new pair of heels and would like a shopping companion. Gays do make very good shopping companions. They also know the best sales and lobangs. Why the last time I talked to one of my gay friends, he offered me a deal for a set of free Marks and Spencers lingerie and some vouchers okay?! Like WOW. Seriously, I love him.

But no, no one actually wants that. Why would you want your ex, whom you presumably hate to be with someone more awesome than you? (Unless you were a terrible person in the relationship. Then yes, you should hope that he gets someone better. You owe it to him). Because we are all secretly selfish at heart, everyone would naturally hope that you were the best girlfriend that your ex would ever have. I am sure there is some inspirational quote on this. Let me find it. Oh yes. Here's one.

You want your ex who made your life horrible to find someone who is shorter/stupider/uglier than you. You know, not much. Just a match made in heaven. And also some material on Facebook for you to scroll through and make yourself feel better when you're having a rough day.

Yes I said it. It's possible to have a favourite ex. This would be the opposite of the ex who stepped it up - this would be the ex who downgraded after you broke up. Maybe he got obscenely obese after you broke up. Maybe he contracted herpes. Or maybe he got a new girlfriend who you know, isn't as pretty as you.

My point is, if you can tell from social media that his life is going downhill, you can feel a sense of affirmation. Come on! Feel your inner black girl going, "Girl you made the the right choice in leaving him!"

Works either way and makes you feel good about yourself. And that's why he's your favourite ex.

#8 The Bad Idea.

So you broke up and suddenly you have nothing to do during the weekends. All these attached people are busy having Sunday brunches, hanging out with the significant others and you know, basically doing couply things that you can't do because you are single. Come on, you know this. It was even on How I Met Your Mother.

And so your mind wonders about what you can do during the weekends and on Friday nights. And so you drown your lonely people sorrows in beer and then you think of hanging out with the only other available loser friend you know, which is your ex-boyfriend. And you text him.

Yes. And then both you think that you might stand a chance in reuniting, can't remember why you broke up in the first place, start hanging out more and more, and your relationship status goes from "In a Relationship" to "Single" to "It's Complicated".

"I was with you for like, what seemed like an eternity. All you were interested in was your non-existent life on Facebook. How is it possible for you to suddenly be cool and happening and these girls to see something so cool about him that I apparently missed out?!"

The answer is simple of course. IT'S FAKE. He's knows that there is a possibility that you might stalk him and he wants you to think that he is better off. While it may be possible for him to morph into an amazing-looking person overnight (photoshop and plastic surgery), it's not possible for him to get a life in 24 hours. Watch this video. It's not difficult to fake it like how Brett Cohen did in the photos from NY Daily News above.

And so what if he managed to get girls to fawn over him (read: free alcohol in clubs) and got fly enough to act all #YOLO? Just keep this in mind whenever you look at his pictures and you'll be fine.

So you don't really know what happened to this one. He just, disappeared. Perhaps he got into an accident and fell into a coma. Perhaps his internet connection got permanently disabled after he downloaded too much porn. Perhaps he broke all his fingers in a rock climbing accident which prevents him from updating his social media. Perhaps he died after being eaten by a raccoon. We'd never know.

Okay and this concludes my list on the different types of ex-boyfriends that one can have. And now, I am going off to watch X-Men: Days Of Future Past. Have you seen the trailer? It's gonna be awesome.

Oh and speaking of all things geeky, check out this infographic on rings I found! It's really cool.

After being in relationship with morgan for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: drbhabumenrespellhome@gmail.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAILADDRESS IS: drbhabumenrespellhome@gmail.com CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEM