New Study Suggests Those Who Sink Piss Live Longer Than Sober Sallys

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Good news you pack of drunks – getting on the piss might actually help you live a longer life according to a new study from the US.

The research from the University of Texas found that those who drink regularly are less likely to die prematurely than those who have never had a drink at all. Of course, this doesn’t necessarily count for those getting absolutely obliterated on the reg, but rather, those who consume booze in moderation.

The study examined individuals between the ages of 55 and 65 over a period of 20 years and found that mortality rates were highest in those who had never had a sip of the Devil’s juice. The study also took into account the individual’s level of physical activity, socioeconomic status, and other factors.

Of the 1,824 people studied, 41 per cent of moderate drinkers died early, compared to 69 per cent of those who didn’t drink. Amazingly, even heavy drinkers lived longer than the sober folks, with a 60 per cent premature mortality rate.

No, hitting the turps still isn’t great for your body, but one potential explanation could be that drinking is a great way of maintaining social networks, a factor that becomes very important for maintaining mental and physical health during your older years.

So there you go, pals, all those nights drinking your tits off could help you avoid an early death. However, heavy drinking is still linked to cancer, stroke, heart disease, and liver and brain damage, so it’s still worth keeping that in mind.

I guess the key here is literally having “a few drinks with some mates” as regularly as possible. Emphasis on the “few”.