Big Expectations, Not Small Paychecks, Cause Marital Strife

Increasing levels of debt and bankruptcies are frequently
blamed for divorces and conflict within marriage. But new Brigham Young
University research suggests that marital woes that can result from financial
ups and downs have as much to do with a couple's expectations as their
paychecks and credit card bills.

The first-ever study to examine the impact of materialism on
marital satisfaction found that highly materialistic spouses are about 40
percent more likely than non materialistic spouses to experience high levels of
financial problems, which consequently harm their marital satisfaction. What's
more, the impact of materialism held true across all income levels.

"For years there has been an emphasis on learning proper
saving and budgeting techniques to avoid marital conflict over financial
issues," said Jason Carroll, BYU assistant professor of family life and author
of the study, in the new issue of the Family and Consumer Sciences Research
Journal. "But our study found that financial problems have as much to do
with how we think about money as they do with how we spend money."

Simply put, if you and your spouse don't feel the need to
have big houses, fancy cars, and extravagant vacations, then it won't be a
problem if you can't afford them.

Carroll's study showed that materialism has an indirect
effect on overall marital satisfaction by increasing the frequency of financial
problems.

The study looked at a nationally representative sample of
600 married couples, selected so that it reflected national averages in terms
of ethnic composition, religious affiliation and socioeconomic levels.

All spouses reported their household income level, the
degree to which financial matters have been a problem in their relationship,
their own level of materialism and their overall level of satisfaction with
their marriage.

About 35 percent of the sample reported high levels of
materialism, while the remaining 65 percent had low materialism.

Never enough

The materialistic spouses reported more financial problems
on average, regardless of income.

Using complex statistical analyses, Carroll's research team
found that materialism among one or both spouses was a better way to predict a
couple's financial problems than their income. The model also connected this
higher level of financial problems with lower marital satisfaction.

"This study suggests that spouses set their own threshold
for what they view as a money problem," Carroll said. "If spouses are overly
materialistic, their threshold will be quite low, thereby increasing the
likelihood that finances will be a problem in their marriages."

Carroll said that materialism may increase financial problems
in marriage in two ways:

Materialistic
expectations may cause a spouse to interpret a financial situation
negatively, leading to more complaints and conflicts, even when another
couple with similar financial resources won't have such conflicts because
of lower expectations.

That's why expectations are a key part to solving money
problems in marriage, Carroll said.

"We need to rethink the idea that financial problems are
always money problems" he said. "We need to start adjusting how much
materialistic issues factor into our idea of what makes a good marriage and
family life."

For starters, Carroll gave the following four recommendations:

Separate needs from wants. It is often said,
"Yesterday's luxuries have become today's necessities." In today's consumer
culture, it is important for couples to carefully distinguish between their
"needs" and their "wants" when it comes to family spending.

Check financial benchmarks. Many people do not
see their financial expectations are too high because they compare their
spending habits to others who have more. Couples who typically compare
themselves to others who have more than they do frequently develop a sense of
entitlement and resentment, while couples who see their situation through the
eye of those who have less are more likely to foster a sense of gratitude in
their lives.

Focus on the simple. The saying goes, "The most
important things in life are not things." While easy to say, this phrase is
much harder to live. Financial strain in marriage, brought on by high
materialistic expectations, often causes couples to not fully appreciate the
simple aspects of their relationship that money cannot buy.

Lower expectations. Financial problems in
marriage are as much about expectations as they are about behaviors. Lowering
financial expectations can benefit marriages in two ways. First, spouses will
be more willing to avoid making purchases that create debt and stress in their
relationship and, second, spouses will be more inclined to interpret their
current situation with more gratitude and optimism.

Study coauthor Lukas Dean, who was Carroll's master's
student at time of the research, will seek to help couples do that after he
completes his Ph.D. in financial counseling at Texas Tech University.

Former BYU research associate Chongming Yang also assisted
with the research.

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