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Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 13: "Zejdz z Moich WlosÃ³w" Quotes

Charlie: Well, what if you were dating?Alan: But I'm not.Charlie: But what if it looked like you were dating?Alan: Oh, oh, you mean-- no, no way. I-- I'm not gonna let you fix me up with one of your bimbo girlfriends.Charlie: OK, forget it.Alan: She'd have to be really pretty, like a... like a ten. And young, like a twenty.Charlie: Anything else?Alan: Uh, and smart. Uh, and a sense of humor's important. Uh, well-read, uh, good with kids, uh, non-smoking, of course... ooh, and, uh, easy on the piercings. Nothing south of the equator.Charlie: You're mighty picky for a guy with an adult newsstand in his sock drawer

Jake: This is really weird.Alan: Why is it weird? Your mom and I may not be living together anymore, but we're still friends.Jake: I don't flip off my friends when I talk to them on the phone.Charlie: Nice shooting. Two with one bullet

Alan: Apparently, the earthquake hit Sherman Oaks a lot harder than Malibu.Charlie: What earthquake?Alan: What earthquake? About an hour ago. You didn't feel the house shaking?Charlie: Oh...Alan: Unbelievable, you actually though that was you?Charlie: No, I thought it was her, you know, because of me. The good news is, unless they report it on Polish TV I still get the credit

Charlie [regarding the tongs]: Ah, you better use the wooden ones.Judith: What's wrong with these?Charlie: I use those whenever I drop my watch in the toilet.Judith: This is a regular occurrence?Charlie: You'd think I'd learn.Judith: And you keep them in the kitchen?Charlie: I used to hang them on a little hook in the bathroom, but it freaked some chicks out

Berta [regarding Judith]: What are you, a farm animal?Charlie: What?Berta: That is your brother's ex-wife out there.Charlie: I know who she is. Oh, no, no. She's just staying here because of the earthquake. I'm not. I would never. I couldn't. [Charlie takes a peep at Judith on his deck in her bikini) Okay, maybe I could, but I'm not.Berta: Yeah, that's what I used to say about my stepbrother, Cousin Dewey

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Charlie [regarding the tongs]: Ah, you better use the wooden ones.Judith: What's wrong with these?Charlie: I use those whenever I drop my watch in the toilet.Judith: This is a regular occurrence?Charlie: You'd think I'd learn.Judith: And you keep them in the kitchen?Charlie: I used to hang them on a little hook in the bathroom, but it freaked some chicks out

Berta [regarding Judith]: What are you, a farm animal?Charlie: What?Berta: That is your brother's ex-wife out there.Charlie: I know who she is. Oh, no, no. She's just staying here because of the earthquake. I'm not. I would never. I couldn't. [Charlie takes a peep at Judith on his deck in her bikini) Okay, maybe I could, but I'm not.Berta: Yeah, that's what I used to say about my stepbrother, Cousin Dewey