rest in peace.

This morning when Kristen came into my room I could tell something bad had happened.

I didn’t know her that well, we were just acquaintances.

But even so she is the closest person to me that has ever killed themselves.

She jumped off a bridge. The last line of the blurb in the newspaper was “She landed in a parking lot beneath the bridge.” That just makes me sick to my stomach.

It’s so surreal. She seemed so happy. In Ceramics last semester she would talk all the time.

Her older sister is good friends with Kristen, so that’s how I found out. When we were little we would play together while our sisters played soccer, but nowadays I would just smile at her in the halls.

Her sister called Kristen this morning so that’s how I found out. She asked Kristen to let all their other friends know, because she didn’t feel like calling everyone.

Then throughout the day people started finding out, posting on myspace and everything.

It’s just incredibly sad. I don’t even know her that well and I’m still really affected by it. I can’t imagine if it was someone I knew even better.

She did gymnastics, track, and swimming. She had so many friends. She went to Costa Rica this spring break with the school. I just don’t get it; she seemed happy.

Everyone is going to be talking about it at school. Constantly. This is the second time someone at our school has killed themselves since March.

And her family is never going to be the same.

I can’t decide if I think suicide is either a vicious cycle, because when one person kills themselves the people close to them just don’t think life is worth living without them, or something that affects everyone and convinces people to never kill themselves, because it makes them realize how hard it is for everyone else.

Her family is just the nicest family. She is the youngest. The middle daughter has down’s syndrome, and then Kristen’s friend is the oldest. The parents are so sweet.

Apparently on Friday night she was at the beach and was drinking. Then she got dropped off at a friends house near the bridge. So it happened early Saturday morning. I also heard she was coked out but who knows how much of a rumor that is.

Tonight there was a gathering thing near where she jumped. People put flowers, candles, and pictures on a step. There were a lot of people there, maybe like 100. I’m glad I went, it made me feel better actually. Even though it was really sad and I cried, I’m glad I went.

Seeing her friends was what got me the most. When one of her friends walked up, she could hardly walk up because she was crying so hard. They are so brave for even being there at all. I don’t think I would ever be able to stop crying if Marina or Michelle or someone killed themselves. It was just really really sad, but I’m glad I went.