Date: Mon, 11 Sep 2000 22:28:58 -0700 (PDT)
From: WIP MAN
Subject: Bad Boy B-Rok
Well here's the follow up to the infamous last chapter to Bad Boy B-Rok.
Jeez, you guys get ugly when I kill off my lead character, don't you? LOL
Sher gave me the most grief--so she gets the "Psychotic Fan Award" from
moi. It's been rather scary talking to that girl lately. LOL Remember,
this is all fiction. I have no idea which of the BSB are gay, if any of
them. So don't be sending them no love letters stating I told you they
liked dick. Anyway, if you have anything you want to say to me(besides
threaten my life for killing off Matt), feel free to e-mail me at
worknprog@yahoo.com! Here we go again:
"I am strong, I am able. I spill milk on your table. Then I cry like a
baby just to see you save me. I am sweet, I am ugly. I am mean if you
love me. I try hard just to please you when I say I don't need you. I
dress up with a conscience when I think you'll be watching. I say all the
right things. I don't know what I mean. Am I...Am I getting through??? Am
I...Am I getting through???"~Sheryl Crow in the song 'Am I Getting
Through(Parts 1& 2)'.
Moving On
(Prologue)
By-Lep
"Brian, all I'm saying is you just need to get on with it." Nick wrapped
his arm around Brian's shoulders as they sat on the beach together.
"You just don't understand, Nick. It's way too soon for me to be going on
tour. I just need time, ya' know?" Brian turned his head to look at Nick.
"I understand, Brian." Nick smiled slightly and hugged Brian to him.
"Good." Brian was happy as he looked out over the Pacific.
"But..." Nick started.
"But what, Nickie?" Brian sighed.
"The guys are worried about you, Brian. It's like ever since this Matt
thing..." Nick chose his words as wisely as he could.
"This Matt thing?!?!" Brian jumped up and was about to start screaming,
but looked down at Nick's defeated expression and turned back to look out
across the ocean as the sun began to set.
Nick sat there for a moment, looking up at Brian as Brian looked out over
the water, neither one of them uttering a word.
"Hey, listen Frick. I know you're sorta caught up in your own world right
now. I understand that. But Howie, Kevin and A.J.--and well I--am
worried. I mean, you don't even call or come to see us anymore. We miss
you, Bri." Nick put his arm around his friend's shoulders again.
"I know I haven't been the best friend or bandmate lately, but you
know.....I mean with Matt..." Brian spoke slowly.
"I understand. But we do need to go back out on tour. You know it's the
best thing for the group right now." Nick tried to be logical.
"I know, just give me a couple days, aight?" Brian turned to him.
"You got it. Just come by and see us at the condo if you have some time,
alright? All of the guys are dying to see you." Nick smiled.
"I will."
"Promise?"
"Yeah, I'll be by to see you guys." Brian returned the smile. "Now I have
to get home. I gotta go home and feed Rimbaud."
"You finally named that scraggly old dog?" Nick laughed.
"Yeah, and he seems to like it. He comes every time I call him." Brian
grinned.
"What's Rimbaud mean?" Nick turned back to face Brian as they walked back
up the beach.
"It's a poet." Brian stated simply.
"Why THAT poet?" Nick asked quickly.
"It's one that Matt liked." Brian replied with a frown.
"Liked?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, that explains that." Nick smiled as they approached their
respective cars.
"Be careful getting home." Brian stated as he opened his car door.
"Hey!" Nick shouted.
"What?" Brian turned to look at Nick.
"If we don't all get together soon, I'm coming to kick your ass." Nick
stated bluntly.
"Baby, you make violence sound soooooooo sexual." Brian teased.
"Take your funky butt home!" Nick laughed with a blush and hopped in his
car.
Brian laughed to himself as he waved goodbye to Nick. Nick waved back as
he pulled his car out of the parking lot and sped down the strip to his
condo at the end of the beach. Brian sighed and looked out across the
ocean a final time and hopped in his car. It was a good twenty-minute
drive back to the condo he was staying at.
The dusk air was chilly as it blew thru his car window, ruffling his
hair. Brian reached over into the passenger seat and got his Kentucky hat
and quickly shoved it on his head, making sure his hair didn't get any
messier than needs be. Brian got off the parkway onto the highway that
took him right up to his front door. As Brian drove down the highway, the
sun set lower and lower behind the ocean. The highway he was driving on
was built atop a huge cliff, the ocean a hundred feet below to his right.
Brian smiled to himself as he took in all the beauty the drive had to
offer.
About thirty minutes later, Brian realized he was driving entirely to
slow and that Rimbaud was probably dying to eat and go for his nightly
walk to use the bathroom, so he sped up, trying to hurry to get home,
even though he was only five miles away. Finally a few minutes up the
highway, the cliff slowly rose into a beach, leaving no drop off anymore
and Brian could see the unit of condos to his left, nestled amongst the
rising hills.
Brian pulled his car into the entrance to the complex and punched the
numeric password into the gate. He waited for the gates to slowly open,
then drove in, the gates slowly shutting behind him. He drove down the
compound lot until he got to his parking spot. He slowly pulled in and
put his car in park, then turned the ignition off. He slowly laid his
back against the headrest and pointed his head in the air, taking a deep
breath of the ocean air that poured through his open car window. Brian
opened his eyes and slowly smiled to himself as he opend his car door and
hopped out. Brian ran up the steps to another set of stairs that took him
to the top floor of his condo and bound up them to his front door.
Brian quickly reached into his mail box before he put his key in the
door. No mail. What a change. Not even a bill. Brian shrugged his
shoulders as he turned the key and entered his condo. Immediately he
noticed the opened mail on top of the T.V. and the living room lamp that
was on. Brian just shrugged his shoulders again and went into the living
room to find Rimbaud. He found his dog laying on the couch, fast asleep.
Brian slowly sat down next to the dog and rubbed his head.
"Hey, boy. You ready for supper?" Brian smiled down at the dog.
Rimbaud just sighed a satisfied breath and went back to sleep. Brian sat
there, wondering why Rimbaud hadn't met him at the door wanting his Alpo
and nightly walk. Instead he came in here to find his dog practically
dead on the couch. That's when Brian noticed the crack of light showing
under his bedroom door at the end of the hall. Brian slowly got up from
the couch and walked down the hall to his bedroom, practically tip-toeing
to the closed door. He put his ear to the closed door and listened. He
could clearly hear someone moving around in the room. Brian took a deep
breath and threw the door open....
(Part One)
"What are you doing here?" Brian's eyes got so wide they looked like they
would explode.
"I, um, live here?" I replied with a laugh as I sat there under the
covers, flipping pages in my script.
"But you said you wouldn't be back 'til late." Brian came over and sat
down next to me on the bed and pulled me into a hug.
"Well the meeting ran short and Barb let me off early without too much
crap." I smiled as I hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.
"I'm sooooo glad you're home, Matt. This house is so damn empty without
you." Brian smiled as he pulled away.
"Damn boy, I just left at nine this morning." I laughed and pulled him
onto the bed to lay next to me.
Brian didn't reply, he just wrapped his arms around my waist and nuzzled
his head into my lap as I picked my script back up to read. I had barely
read one word before Brian spoke up.
"What are you doing?" I looked down to see him gazing up from my lap.
"Just looking over this script Barb gave me." I smiled down at him.
"Matt, we talked about this. It's too soon for you to go back to work."
Brian sat up quickly.
"Relax, baby. It's just a script. I'm just considering it." I tried to
compromise.
"You don't need to consider ANYTHING." Brian reached and grabbed the book
from me.
"Brian, this is ridiculous, you know as well as I know that I'm perfectly
fine." I remained calmed but reached to get the script back.
"It's been a month, Matt. You aren't completely healed yet." Brian shook
his head at me.
I was about to make a retort but the phone ring, stopping me in
mid-utterance. I held my finger up to Brian and grabbed the phone from
the nightstand.
"Hello?" I stated.
"Thank god YOU answered!" I heard Nick's voice.
"What do you mean?" I laughed lowly.
"Listen, that boyfriend of yours has gone absolutely nutty." Nick stated
quickly.
"What do you mean?" I asked, looking at Brian out of the corner of my
eye, considering the statement.
"Well first, we have to kidnap him to get him to come see us or talk to
us. Second, he keeps you holed up in that skanky old condo up the coast.
Third, we miss you guys and he just keeps getting more and more distant."
Nick spoke so quick I could barely understand.
"Oh, is THAT all." I tried to laugh, knowing it was true.
"Well, yeah. Isn't that enough?" Nick laughed.
"I guess so..." I looked over at Brian.
"Who is it?" Brian asked quickly.
"Nick." I replied then turned back to the phone. "So, how are things?"
"Fine. Tomorrow at noon, we want you two over here at A.J. and my place.
We're just going to cook out, go swimming, all that. Maybe jacuzzi
later." I could hear the mischief in Nick's voice.
"I'll see what I can do." I looked at Brian again, knowing it would take
an act of God to get him to go.
"Matt, try really hard, okay?" Nick's tone changed to very serious.
"You know it Nickie. Listen, we'll see you tomorrow at noon. Brian's
thrilled and can't wait. Talk to you later!" I replied quickly and hung
up the phone before Brian could stop me.
"See him when and where?" Brian asked.
I didn't answer, I just acted motherly and reached up to take Brian's hat
off of him and tossed it over to the chair. I removed his necklace for
him and then laid back against the headboard.
"Go get your PJ's on, baby." I suggested.
"Where are we going, Matt?"
"We're going to Nick's tomorrow to see the guys." I sighed.
"Nuh uh. You don't need to exert yourself." Brian shook his head.
"Give me that!" I reached forward quickly and snatched my script out of
his hands.
"Goddamnit, Matt!" Brian tried to get the script back.
I held the script away and shoved Brian back on the bed, coming eye to
eye with him.
"Brian, you can't spend the rest of your life in this goddamn condo. We
can't act like I'm dead. 'Cause guess what? I lived. I'm still here. I'm
not going to let a peek at death keep me from living the rest of my life.
I still have ALOT of life and ALOT of work in me. And I still have ALOT
ALOT ALOT of love left in me for you. But I can't take this shit of being
overprotected by you either!" I tried to level with Brian.
"I'm not saying we should stay here the rest of our lives and fade away,
Matt." Brian spoke softly.
"No, you just want me to stay here and never get hurt again. I know you
mean well, Brian, but I just can't do that. I'm not that type of person."
I reached up with my hand to caress his cheek.
Brian pulled away from me angrily and pulled my shirt up, exposing my
scarred chest and bandaged stomach. I had to admit, it was pretty ugly.
"You're not healed yet, Matt!" He shouted at me.
I just shrunk back against the headboard, looking up at the ceiling.
Brian realized he was crossing a thin line and dropped my shirt and got
up and walked towards the bathroom.
"Brian?" I whispered.
"What?" Brian's voice was shaky.
"I think you meant YOU are not healed yet." I replied and pulled my
script back up to read.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Brian turned to look at me.
I slowly lowered the script to my lap and looked up at Brian from across
the room.
"It was me or him, baby. You didn't have a choice. You did what you had
to do, and you can't change that. And to be honest, I'm glad you did what
you did. I wouldn't be alive right now if you hadn't." I spoke softly,
wanting to get through to Brian.
"I know that, Matt." Brian looked down at the floor.
"And you HAVE to go back out on tour...." I began.
"How'd YOU know about that?" Brian's head shot back up.
"Listen, I talked to Kevin. He told me that management wants you guys to
get back out there. It's a good idea, Brian..."
"No! I'm not going back on tour right now, and that's it. Goddamnit,
Matt, I thought you'd be the person that would understand that." Brian
stated.
"I understand your fear, Brian. Everytime my phone rings, I'm still
afraid I'm going to pick it up and hear some psycho's voice. But that's
just the chance I take." I stopped him.
"I'm not leaving you alone right now, Matt. That's final. No management
is going to change that. No band is going to change that. And my
boyfriend ain't gonna change it either." Brian put his foot down and
stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
"We're going tomorrow so you may as well warm up to the idea!" I shouted,
too.
I threw the script to the floor and shut the light on the table out. I
fell back in the bed, my head being caressed by the huge pillow
underneath me. I laid there for several minutes and stared up at the
ceiling. The moonlight poured through the blinds and illuminated the room
in a soothing blue. I was very happy to be alive, but I was incredibly
pissed right now about Brian. I couldn't get him to cooperate with
anything anymore. He was like living with a corpse and trying to talk to
him was about the same.
A few more thoughts later, I heard the familiar jingling sound just
outside my bedroom door. I held my head up far enough to see the glowing
eyes looking in from the hallway. I smiled to myself and began to make
"kissy" noises.
"Come here, boy." I smiled and patted the bed.
Rimbaud came running and hopped up on the bed on Brian's side. I rolled
over onto my side with a wince and began to rub him behind the ears.
Rimbaud just panted and moved his head into my hand, trying to get me to
scratch harder. I rolled back onto my back when Rimbaud seemed to have
enough ear scratched and patted my stomach lightly for him. Rimbaud
scooted closer and laid his head on my stomach, his eyes immediately
shutting. I smiled down at him as I slowly pet his head, easing him into
sleep.
I was still petting him when Brian came out of the bathroom in his boxers
and sat down on his side of the bed in the dark. I kept petting Rimbaud,
waiting for Brian to lay down or say something.
"Listen, Matt. I don't want to keep you locked up here and keep you from
living life, but I don't want to see you get hurt. That's all. I love you
and don't want to get that close to losing you again." Brian tried to
explain.
"I understand, Brian. But you need to get out there and get back into the
groove of things, because you do need to go on tour. And I need to get
back to work, too." I answered.
"Like I told Nick, just give me a few days. That's all I need, okay
baby?" Brian turned to me.
"Okay, baby." I smiled at him. "Now come on."
I held my arm out to him, inviting him to lay down with us. Brian laid
down slowly next to me and laid his head on my shoulder, turning his head
to look up at me.
"Does it still hurt?" Brian asked about my stomach.
"After about the twentieth exploratory surgery? Oh no, not at all." I
teased with a smile.
"How much?"
"Truth?" I looked at him.
"Yes."
"Whenever I move the wrong way, I feel like someone is taking a knife and
grinding it into my stomach." I explained the pain I was still having.
"Ow. Wait, didn't the doctor tell you that your stomach was completely
healed? Not too much scar tissue?" Brian asked.
"Yeah, but they've opened and closed me so many times it still hurts like
a bitch." I replied.
"That last one was the very last, right?"
"Yeah, they're actually going to let me heal this time." I smiled.
"Aren't they sweet?" Brian teased back and nuzzled his head into my
shoulder.
"I love you, baby." I kissed him on top of his head.
"I love you more, Matt." Brian kissed my chest and closed his eyes.
"Barb suggested I go to this guy on Ventura after this last one heals." I
stated out of the blue.
"What guy?" Brian opened his eyes.
"A plastic surgeon." I sighed.
"A what?" Brian didn't understand.
"She thinks that after this next one heals and scars over that I should
go get him to look at the scars to see if he can do something to make
them look better. Or maybe cover them up with grafts. Who knows?" I
sighed again.
"What did you tell her?" Brian looked up at me.
"I didn't say anything. I don't know if I should or not."
"Do you want to?"
"No. These scars are sorta my reminder that I should be dead right now.
They remind me to enjoy life." I smiled.
"I like your idea better." Brian smiled lovingly up at me.
"Besides, who cares if I have three scars on me? They ain't that bad." I
giggled.
"I think they're sexy." Brian leaned up to kiss me on the lips.
"Sexy?!?!" I laughed.
"Yeah. You were too perfect before. Now you're imperfect like me. And
that's sexy as hell." Brian laughed and kissed me again.
"Oh, gee thanks Romeo." I laughed with him and pulled him into a tight
hug.
"I'm pretty charming, aren't I?" Brian whispered into my ear.
"Charming me right out of my pants, sweetie." I grinned up at him
mischieviously.
"Do you think...well do you think that that's okay?" Brian asked
bashfully.
"I don't see why not." I giggled.
"You sure?" Brian leaned down to kiss me on the lips.
"Positive." I replied by shoving my leg under the dog so that he got up
and ran back into the living room.
Brian just laughed at me as he leaned down to nibble on my ear, eliciting
a moan from my lips. I ran my hands up and down his smooth back as he
worked down my ear to my neck, nuzzling his face into my neck and kissing
it. I moaned lowly again and reached down to run my hands over his ass.
Brian went with my hands and slowly straddled my waist, his crotch
rubbing against mine, making my cock respond and slowly begin to get
hard. I held onto Brian's ass firmly and began to kiss him back. Just as
Brian leaned down to kiss me on the chest, he accidentally hit me right
in the middle of my stomach with his elbow. He didn't hit me hard, but
hard enough. I winced from the pain and let go of his ass.
"Oh jesus, baby. I'm sorry." Brian cupped his hand over his mouth. "Are
you okay?"
"Just give me a second." I pulled my hand up to my forehead and clenched
my teeth as my eyes watered up, waiting for the pain to subside.
"I didn't mean to..."
"It's okay, baby. I know you didn't." I breathed out as the pain hit me
again.
Brian just stayed there, watching me as I sweated the "spell" out.
Slowly, as I waited, the pain got less and less, until finally it went
away.
"Oh god that sucked." I tried to laugh it off as I wiped my tear filled
eyes.
"Maybe this isn't a good idea?" Brian suggested.
"No, it's okay. I just don't think you should be on top, fatty." I smiled
and slowly rolled us over, being very careful, until I was straddling
him.
"Very funny!" Brian laughed and grabbed onto my hips.
"Well, you ARE getting a little chunky there, baby." I teased and leaned
down to kiss him, being very careful of my stomach.
"Obviously you haven't looked at YOUR ass lately." Brian punctuated the
sentence by grabbing my ass roughly.
"What're you trying to say?" I acted shocked.
"Nothing. But if you get any bigger I'm gonna have to give you your
showers with the hose out back." Brian laughed.
"You're gonna pay for that one, baby." I grinned evily as I leaned down
to bite him on his neck.
(Part Two)
"Hey!!!" Nick screamed like a queen as he opened the door to see me
standing there.
"Okay, my ears are bleeding." I shook my head spastically as I looked at
him.
"Oh shut up!" Nick laughed and reached out to hug me.
"Be gentle." I warned him as I reached out to accept his hug.
"Where's Brian?" Nick looked past me.
"He's getting Rimbaud out of the car." I explained and turned towards the
car. "Brian! Come on!"
"I'm coming. Jeez, boy!" Brian laughed lightly as he came trotting up to
the door, holding Rimbaud by his leash.
"I see Matt wears the pants in the family since you are standing before
me today." Nick looked at Brian with a grin.
"Do you always insult guests that you want to keep around?" Brian grinned
back evily.
"Boy, you know I'm kidding ya'll. Now get in here. All the guys are out
back." Nick ushered us inside quickly.
Brian took off towards the back door that led to the deck. He wanted to
get the dog outside just incase he decided to hop a squat on the carpet.
I wrapped my arm around Nick's and followed him slowly through the house.
"So, I haven't seen you in four weeks--give me the gossip." I smiled at
him as we followed after Brian.
"Well, Kevin actually got that ho to come over here the other day to see
us." Nick giggled.
"Okay, don't want to hear THAT kind of gossip." I laughed loudly.
"Um, Howie's dating some chick named Rachel?" Nick offered new gossip.
"Ooooooo, is she as ugly as the last one?" I asked quickly.
"No, but she's still a skank. Boy, you should've seen the outfit she had
on when she came over here the other day. Girl comes walking up in here
with a skirt on so short I could tell whether she was wearing panties or
not." Nick queened out on me.
I laughed loudly.
"Was she?" I asked.
"Was she what?"
"Wearing panties, idiot."
"Oh. Well do you think I looked close enough and long enough to tell?"
Nick made a face like he was gonna hurl.
"You are too much sometimes." I laughed again.
"So, how about you? How are things going?" Nick stopped in the middle of
the kitchen and faced me.
I didn't answer, I just raised my shirt for him to see the scars that now
adorned my chest and stomach.
"That one doesn't look like it feels good." Nick pointed at the one on my
stomach.
"It don't." I stated the obvious.
"So, is Bri letting you escape the house every now and then?"
"I practically have to knock him out or take him with me." I sighed.
"Well, you know he's just still getting over it." Nick tried to be
compassionate.
"I know, but I feel like choking the last breath out of him."
"Come on, let's go see the guys." Nick grabbed my hand and pulled me
towards the back door.
I followed Nick, sorta reluctant to go out on the deck with the guys
while they were probably chastising Brian for not coming around for such
a long time. I couldn't exactly avoid it though, especially with the
death grip Nick had on my hand. We stepped across the threshold of the
sliding glass door and immediately I saw the smiles. Kevin, Howie and
A.J. all sat there around Nick's round table beaming up at me. In the
middle of the table was a huge chocolate cake. I looked at Nick with a
smile and he let go of my hand and pushed me towards the table. I slowly
walked over to all of them, a smile on my face.
"What's this?" I asked as I pointed at the cake.
"It's sorta like a 'thanks for being a tough bitch and not dying on us'
cake." A.J. cracked up laughing.
"A.J.!" Brian screeched, but had to laugh.
"Ignore him. It's more of a 'glad Brian's a good shot' cake." Howie
joined A.J. in laughing hysterically.
I looked over at Brian, and I could tell he was about to start laughing,
too. Just the prospect of him actually laughing for once in the last
month got me started. I began laughing loudly with the rest of them.
Kevin laughed for a minute and then looked up at me from his seat.
"Actually, we couldn't think of an appropriate phrase to have them put on
top, so we just left it as is." Kevin explained with another laugh.
"Yeah, I think they might have looked at you funny if you had asked them
to put either of those sayings on the top." I grinned.
"Ya' reckon?" Nick came up behind me.
I caught the dog out of the corner of my eye. Brian had tied him up about
five feet off the deck, with a very short lead.
"Baby, he hasn't had a walk today, he ain't gonna be happy there." I
stated.
"He'll be fine." Brian shushed me.
"Well, why don't you catch up with the guys. I'll take him for a walk on
the beach." I suggested, but instead of waiting for an answer, I went
over and quickly untied the dog.
"Do you think you should do that?" Kevin stood.
"Why not?" I turned to him with the leash in my hand.
"Well, shouldn't you take it easy?" Kevin looked at the other guys for
support.
"Yeah, he's right, Matt." Brian gave me a fatherly stare.
"Oh fuck, I'll go with him if it'll make you guys rest easy!" Nick threw
his hands up in the air comically and came over to take the dog's leash
out of my hand.
"There ya' go. If I faint, Nick can run back and tell ya'll." I teased.
"But...." Brian began to interject.
"Oh, just stay here with the guys and talk. We'll be back in a bit." Nick
waved him off and grabbed my arm, dragging me down towards the beach.
I could hear Brian grumbling about something as Nick and I took off
towards the beach. I just tried to ignore him and hoped he would talk
with the guys and catch up while we were gone. Nick remained pretty
silent on the walk down to the beach, leading the dog for me.
"You can take him off the leash. He won't run away." I stated as we got
down on the sand.
"You sure?" Nick looked over at me.
"Yeah, here." I knelt down and took the leash off of Rimbaud and took the
leash from Nick, rolling it up in my hand.
Immediately, Rimbaud took off running towards the water like a mad dog. I
just laughed as Nick looked frightened that we had lost him for good.
"Don't worry, boy. He'll be back when he's run it off." I laughed.
"So, what do WE do? Just stand here like idiots and watch him?" Nick
joined me in my laughed.
"Pretty much, yeah." I slowly knelt down and sat in the sand, pushing my
legs out in front of me and stretching, propping myself up on my hands as
I leaned back.
"Good plan." Nick smiled and sat down next to me indian-style.
I lounged back, watching the dog run through the surf as the late summer
sun beat down on me. Nick remained quiet for quite awhile, just taking in
the sun and watching Rimbaud rimp and romp thru the water fifty feet in
front of us.
"So, did you talk to Brian about touring?" Nick just came right out and
asked.
"Um, yeah. He doesn't think it's the right time."
"Why would he think that?" Nick cocked his head at me.
"Well, he thinks it's not the right time to leave me, but I think he's
using me as an excuse." I tossed my hands up in the air, exasperated.
"Calm down there, Tonto." Nick laughed.
"I know. It's just that I think this whole 'stalker thing' affected Brian
more than it did me. I mean, first he almost lost me. You know that if
Brian lost me or if I lost Brian we'd go crazy." Nick nodded as I spoke.
"And then he's still upset over the whole shoot..."
I stopped.
"The whole what?" Nick asked with great anticipation.
"Ya' know, it doesn't really matter. He'll be on tour with you guys." I
turned to Nick and forced a smile.
"No, really, what were you going to say?" Nick asked quickly.
"Nick, it's not that important. I mean, it's just stuff that he needs to
move on with and keep living. That's all."
"Matt, just tell me." Nick demanded.
"He's still upset about, well, killing Aaron." I sighed and stood.
"Do what?!?!?" Nick jumped up and ran ater me as I walked out towards the
water.
"He still can't get over the fact that he killed someone, Nick." I
repeated in an even tone and looked out over the water as the ocean air
blew a cold breeze up on shore.
"That son of a bitch would have killed you, Matt! He had no choice. If it
had been me, I would've done the same thing without a second thought."
Nick spoke rapidly and angrily.
"It's not that he regrets it, Nick. I just don't think he wanted
everything to end in death." I tried to smile to get Nick to lighten up.
"Well it was either you or Aaron. One word--Aaron." Nick sighed from
defeat.
"We both understand that, boy. It's just that no one takes killing
another human being lightly."
"How do you think he would be right now if it had been you that had
died?" Nick turned me around to face him.
"Yeah, I know." I looked him in the eye for a second, then turned back to
watch the dog. "How do you get that thru Brian's thick skull, though?"
"True that."
"And I want to go back to work as soon as I'm fully healed..." I began.
"Oh great, Matt. Just through another brick on the pile." Nick laughed.
"Nick, you know me, I can't just sit in the skanky condo up there away
from civilization and do nothing. I mean, Rimbaud is fun to be around,
but he isn't exactly the best person to play Scrabble with now is he?" I
teased.
"With a name like Rimbaud, you'd think he'd be great at it." Nick
grinned.
"I just don't think it's a good idea that Brian and I slow down right
now. I think we should both just keep working. I think it's a healthy
thing to keep our minds off of the whole situation." I replied.
"Well, I don't think you should be running back anytime soon, either."
Nick replied lowly.
"I already have." I stated matter-of-factly, but feeling stupid for even
telling him.
"You already have what?" Nick turned to me.
"Yesterday..." I paused for a second and thought. "Yesterday I told Brian
I had a meeting with Barb and Bob and crap like that. But I actually went
and did my last scene for the movie that I was supposed to do before all
this crap with Aaron happened."
I cringed before Nick could even answer.
"You did what?!?!?!" Nick screeched.
"I did the scene yesterday." I sighed.
"Matt, that has got to be the most ignorant, stupid, irresponsible...."
"What?" I stopped him. "It's ignorant and stupid that I went to work
without my boyfriend's permission? That I had to sneak out of the house
under false pretenses to film a simple scene to complete a movie?"
"Matt, you know it's not a good idea to work in your condition." Nick
shook his head in astonishment.
"It's not a good idea for me to sit around the house alone, either.
Everytime I get up to answer the door or the phone, I hyperventilate,
thinking it might be some psycho that is going to be there, waiting to
torment me." I looked Nick square in the eye.
"You know that's over."
"I KNOW it is, yeah. My mind just won't let me forget it right now, Nick.
If I just keep busy, I don't think about it much at all." I sighed, then
called Rimbaud with a slew of kissy noises.
"Matt, I'm sorry. I really am, but for your sake and Brian's, I wish
you'd reconsider this whole stance. I just can't believe they're still
going to release the movie after one of the stars went Froot Loops on
them."
"Yeah, well that's Hollywood for you. I've been offered a movie by
Miramax, Nick." I laid everything on the table.
"Jesus, Matt." Nick couldn't help but shake his head.
"I know, Brian is going to hit the fucking roof."
"He's going to fly THRU the fucking roof, Matt."
"Production begins in a month. In London." I stated.
"A month????"
"Yeah. I have to make a decision by the end of this week."
"Matt, don't you think that's, well, it's a little premature to be
accepting offers right now?" Nick was exasperated beyond belief.
"Yeah, but what else is gonna make Brian realize that life goes on
without him?" I stated bluntly and knelt down to put the leash back on
the dog.
"Just don't tell him while you're here, please." Nick sighed as I stood
up to face him.
"Don't worry. I'm not going to tell him until tonight." I replied
seriously.
"Okay. Well, I guess we should go start cooking." Nick smiled in a
defeated way and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.
"What are we having?" I asked liked a little kid to try and lighten the
mood.
"Well, little Mattie, we have hamburgers or hotdogs, take your pick."
Nick played along.
"Well, I had my hotdog last night, so I'll have a burger today." I
laughed loudly.
"Oh, like I needed to hear THAT." Nick laughed with me as we walked back
up towards the deck.
(Part Three)
"And here's your hamburger, Mr. Matt." A.J. came over to the table and
put a paper plate in front of me with a bun and huge hunk of meat on it.
"Thanks, babes." I smiled up at him 'til he walked away.
As soon as A.J. walked away, I looked down at the meat and felt the
queasy feeling that I usually got anymore anytime I looked at food. I
just held it back and reached for the mustard. Maybe if I doused the meat
real good I wouldn't be able to taste anything but the mustard, I thought
to myself as the other guys sat around the table passing food and piling
it on their plates like eating was going out of style. I just held the
chunks down as I watched them all shove food into their faces.
"Eat, baby." Brian reached over and grabbed my free hand and held it.
"Maybe a cigarette would help a bit." I smiled and reached into my hip
pocket, pulling my pack and lighter out.
"Aren't you supposed to do that AFTER you eat?" Nick smiled, his mouth
full of food.
"Just keep eating and see how full you can get those cheeks." I teased as
I lit a smoke, still holding onto Brian's hand as he held his burger with
his other hand.
"So, Brian tells us you actually got out of the house yesterday without
supervision." Howie looked up from his food and smiled at me.
"Yeah, I actually got to get fresh air." I smiled as I exhaled a puff of
smoke.
"How'd it all go?" Kevin asked.
"Good. I was just glad to get some fresh air." I replied and puffed on my
cigarette again.
"When do they want you to be in to finish Just Never Fades?" Kevin asked,
refering to the stripper movie.
I looked up at Nick. Nick didn't look up at me, but he fidgeted in his
seat nervously.
"Um, probably sooner than I expected." I tried to just make a joke and
not let anything out.
"Yeah, that's usually how it works." Howie smiled. "They usually wait
'til you're just healed over and call you back."
"I wouldn't be surprised." I smiled and looked over at Brian.
Brian wasn't even paying attention, he was still stuffing his face with
his one free hand. I pretended I was invisible right then and there,
hoping no one would ask me anymore questions I'd have to dance around. I
wasn't exactly in the best condition to lie. Brian, A.J. and Nick luckily
struck up a conversation about whether they'd fuck Mark McGrath or Ricky
Martin if given the chance, so I was able to just stay out of the convo.
I kept looking out over the ocean as I smoked my cigarette, looking over
every now and then to make sure the dog wasn't going ballistic from being
chained up. Rimbaud was actually sprawled out on the ground, belly up to
the sky, fast asleep. I smiled to myself and looked back out over the
ocean, getting lost in my thoughts. I kept wondering how Brian would
react to my news when I told him tonight. What would he think when I told
him that I lied and had actually gone to shoot the final scene?
Especially if I told him I filmed it on the same set where I had almost
died? I was so lost in my thoughts I almost didn't hear Brian saying my
name.
"Matt?"
I kept looking over the ocean, watching the sun shine off of the blue
water.
"Baby, wake up."
I took a puff off of my smoke and went back to looking over the ocean,
still in my own little world.
"Matt!" Brian snapped his fingers in front of my face, finally bringing
me back to attention.
"Mark McGrath!" I practically shouted, trying to act like I had been
following the conversation.
"That's nice, baby. But I just wanted to ask you if you were going to eat
anytime soon?" Brian laughed.
"Oh." I blushed as all the guys joined Brian in laughing. "No, you can
give it to Rimbaud, though."
"Hell no! I'm gonna eat it." A.J. had Brian pass him my plate.
"Okay, give it to Rimbaud or the dog, whatever." I teased.
"Hey, I resemble that remark!" A.J. shouted before he took a bite of the
burger.
"What were you thinking about, baby?" Brian leaned over and whispered
into my ear.
"Nothing. Just thinking." I smiled and kissed him on his cheek.
"Ah, aren't they cute?" Kevin teased us.
"Shaddup, dipshit!" Brian laughed.
"I hear your new girlfriend is quite a catch." I said to Howie and looked
over at Nick with a wide smile as I spoke.
Nick, by reaction, spit the bite of hamburger he had just taken out,
spraying the table down with chunks of meat. All the guys immediately
scootched back in their seats to avoid the spray of food as I just began
laughing hysterically. After Nick got done spitting his food out, he
looked at me hatefully for a minute, then began laughing hysterically
with me. All the guys looked at us like we were crazy, wondering what had
possessed us.
I began laughing so hard, my stomach began hurting. The more it hurt, the
more I laughed, the more I laughed, the more it hurt. Finally, my stomach
was hurting so hard, I bent over, holding my stomach, my forehead
touching my knee. Brian finally reached over and put his hand on my back,
making sure I was okay.
"Baby, are you okay?" Brian asked in a very serious tone.
"Oh, god it hurts!" I screamed, but laughed at the same time.
My statement only made Nick laugh harder.
"Shut up, Nick!" Brian shouted and got down on his knees next to my
chair.
"I'm fine, Brian, I'm fine." I tried to sit up, but I was still hurting,
so I couldn't sit completely upright.
Ofcourse, this brought more laughing from me and Nick. After several more
minutes of laughing hysterically, the pain finally subsided. I stopped
and slowly sat up, coming eye to eye with Nick again. I could tell he was
trying hard to hold his laughter back for my sake. I gave several giggles
as I reached up to wipe my eyes, a huge grin still on my face.
"Damn, boy. You scare me when you do that shit." Brian got back up and
plopped down in his chair.
"Nick started it!" I pointed my finger at Nick like a two year old.
"Uh uh, he did!" Nick pointed back.
"Is the pain still that bad?" Kevin looked at me like a father would, his
eyes very kind.
"Not as bad as being stabbed, no." I tried to make light of it.
"Ooooo, show them your scars, Matt!" Nick got a brilliant idea.
"They're trying to eat, Nick." I smiled.
"Yeah, show us!" A.J. and Howie said in unison.
"Oh, christ." I mumbled as I put my cigarette between my lips and stood
up, pushing my chair back.
I took a puff off my smoke as I lifted my shirt up to my neck. All the
guys' eyes got wide when I showed them my "battle wounds".
"This is where he shoved the knife into my shoulder. It didn't go all the
way through because it hit my shoulder blade." I pointed to my shoulder
scar. "And this is where he stabbed me in the chest. That pec will never
be the same again. And this is where he stabbed me in the stomach."
Brian just leered at me as I showed my scars like I was one of the chicks
on The Price Is Right.
"Oh, and this one is where he cut my arm right before I shoved Barb's big
butt out the set door." I dropped my shirttail and lifted the cuff of the
arm.
"Okay, Matt. They've seen them now." Brian wanted to make me stop.
"Ah, come on, Bri. This is so much fun." Howie made a face like he was
gonna puke. "Don't make him stop."
"Fine, I'll sit down now." I laughed and lowered myself back into my
chair.
"I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready for a swim." Kevin stood up
slowly from his chair.
"Hell, yeah. Then some jacuzzi action." Nick leaned over and nudged A.J.,
giving him an evil grin.
"Oh yeah, baby!" A.J. acted excited and jumped up. "Going to go change
into my swimsuit."
We all died laughing as A.J. ran quickly into the house to change like
his ass was on fire.
"Whatcha say guys?" Nick looked over at Brian and me.
"I'm up for it." Brian turned to look at me. "If you want to, Matt."
"Baby, you know I can't get in that salt water." I pointed at my stomach.
"Oh, yeah." Brian looked disappointed. "I'll just stay up here with
Matt."
"Boy, go borrow a suit and go swimming with them before I kick your ass."
I laughed.
"I don't want to leave you up here alone." Brian argued.
"Who says I'm staying up here? I'm gonna come down there and plop my ass
down in the sand, baby. Get some sun and all." I smiled.
"You sure you don't want me to stay with you?" Brian asked again.
"I'm positive boy. Now go borrow a damn suit." I slapped him on his
thigh.
"Oh, aight." Brian hopped up and ran into the house.
"You sure you don't want to come in?" Nick asked as he got up to go get
his suit on.
"I want to--yeah. I just can't. I have to be careful even in the shower."
I explained.
"Okay, if that's the way it is. Kevvy Kev, Howie D., come on, let's go
change." Nick advised them to follow him.
I sat there by myself as all the guys were inside changing into their
swimming suits. I contemplated going to let Rimbaud off his leash and
walk down to the beach with him, but figured I should wait on the guys.
Brian might bust a vein if I walked down there all alone. I had been
waiting for what seemed like an eternity, and was about to go ahead and
walk down to the beach--wether Brian would scream bloody murder or
not--when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Hey you." I looked up to see Brian standing next to my chair.
"You sure you don't mind me going to swim with the guys?" Brian slowly
eased himself into my lap, being careful not to hit my stomach.
"I don't mind at all babes. If you hadn't noticed, you need a tan like
crazy. Your ass is so white you could blind someone." I teased.
"You're such a little charmer, Matt. Keep talking like that and I'll give
you more tonight of what I gave you last night." Brian teased.
"Oh baby!" I laughed and hugged him around his waist.
"You're not too tired are you?" Brian asked.
"It's only two o'clock, boy." I looked up at him.
"Well, I just know that you haven't been around anyone in awhile, so you
might get weared out." Brian explained.
"Don't worry about me, baby. I'm a tough boy." I smiled.
"Okay, just making sure."
"Come on, Bri. Let's go." A.J. came dashing out of the house, off the
deck and towards the water.
"Come on, baby!" Brian jumped up quickly.
"Go ahead, boy. I gotta get the dog. I'll meet you down there." I smiled
and got up slowly as Brian took off running.
I went over to Rimbaud and untied him from the pole Brian had him tied to
and led him down the embankment into the sand. Nick, Kevin and Howie came
running past me as I walked Rimbaud closer to the water, all three
screaming something or another at me to let me know they saw me but
wanted to swim. I just smiled to myself and led Rimbaud to a spot about
twenty feet from the water and sat down next to him. I quickly took his
leash off so he could go running wherever he wanted to. I just knew he
was gonna head for the water to swim with "daddy". I just knew he'd be
sopping wet when we went to go home, too. However, I didn't want him to
have to stay on a leash all day either.
I got the leash off of him, and I was right. He headed straight to the
water and jumped in. Brian was out where the water came up to his neck
almost, but Rimbaud kept doggie paddling out to where all the guys were.
I laughed as I saw Rimbaud come face to face with Brian, then lick Brian
quickly on his face, making Brian wipe at his face, trying to get the
doggie slobber off of him.
"Baby! Do something!" Brian shouted thru his laughter.
"What do you want ME to do?" I laughed back from the spot I was sitting
at.
"Make him get out of the water!" Brian hollered.
"Yeah, right! You know he wants to swim with his daddy!" I laughed.
All the guys began to tease Brian about how the dog wanted to swim with
"daddy". I smiled to myself as all the guys make joke after joke about
Brian being the dog's daddy. Finally, I had pity on Brian and hollered
for Rimbaud. Rimbaud swam around in the water, looking at me, then the
guys, then me again, looking like he was wondering what he should do.
"Come on, boy!" I hollered again and started making kissy noises.
Rimbaud came swimming full throttle towards the shore. I kept making
kissy noises as he got on land and began shaking the excess water off. I
guess the swim took alot out of him, he came slowly walking over to me,
panting the whole way. He came up to me and just plopped down beside me,
laying his head down on his paws. I laughed and slowly rubbed him on his
head--the only dry spot on his whole body. The guys had gone back to
wrestling in the water and making sordid jokes as I sat there petting the
dog.
I sat there for a few more minutes and slowly laid back in the sand. I
stared up at the clear blue sky, letting the warm sun beat down on my
skin. It had been forever since I had just been outside and enjoyed the
sun and the wind and the beauty of everything. It felt good to just lay
there and let the sun warm me against the sand. I slowly began to feel my
eyelids gettting heavier and heavier. I let sleep overtake me as I laid
there, the dog sleeping next to me.
"Matt?"
I groaned slightly and began to let me eyes flutter open.
"Matt, are you okay?" I opened my eyes and squinted as they re-adjusted
to the bright sun.
"Yeah, Howie, I'm fine." I smiled up at him.
"Oh, well Brian wanted me to come back up here and remind you to turn
over so you wouldn't be a crispy critter." Howie giggled.
"Hey, that would be a good idea, wouldn't it?" I laughed and slowly eased
myself over onto my stomach.
Thank God I was on sand or it might not have been possible.
"If you want to go back up, I'll tell the guys." Howie knelt down.
"No, I'm fine. I'm actually enjoying just laying here." I replied as I
pulled my arms up and folded them so I'd have something to lay my head
on.
"Okay, just let us know." Howie replied and took off back towards the
water.
I gave a sigh--a contented breath--as I nuzzled my head into my arms and
began to go back to sleep. The sun slowly began to heat my shirt covered
back up, making me very comfortable.
(Part Four)
"You sure you can't even get in here with me?" Brian sat in the jacuzzi,
looking at me as I sat on the edge, dangling my feet in the bubbling
water.
"It probably wouldn't be a good idea right now." I smiled down at him.
"Ah, come on baby!" Brian whined.
"You don't want me getting an infection now, would you???" I leaned down
and kissed him on the tip of his nose.
"No, but it still sucks." Brian grinned at me as I pulled away.
I didn't reply, I just scootched over behind him and sat behind him on
the jacuzzi, my legs on either side of him. Brian leaned his head back
against my thigh and put his hands under the water, rubbing my feet as I
ran my hands thru his hair. I looked up at the night sky, watching as all
the stars blinked down at me.
I had managed to sleep in the sun on the beach for a little over three
hours. The guys finally came to wake me up when they got tired of messing
around in the water. After we got back up to the house, we ate a little
more and finally broke into the chocolate cake. We ended up just sitting
around and shooting the breeze until dusk, then Nick finally decided it
was jacuzzi time.
"Ya'll are so cute." Kevin looked over at us from across the hot tub, a
smile adorning his face.
"Oh shut up." Brian laughed.
"I meant it. You guys are so cute together." Kevin replied genuinely.
"Thanks. It's a good thing I'm so good looking though." Brian replied.
"Why's that?" I looked down at him, my hands still in his hair.
"'Cause someone has to make up for your ugly ass." Brian laughed loudly.
"Oh really?" I asked, running my hands thru his hair again.
"Yep." Brian smiled proudly.
I didn't reply, I just pulled Brian's hair. Not hard enough to really
hurt him, but enough to make him holler.
"Ow! Shit, boy!" Brian laughed in pain.
"You had a mosquito in your hair baby." I smiled at him and went back to
running my fingers thru his hair.
"Yeah, yeah." Brian laughed.
"Well, kids, I have got to head out." Howie stood up, the water cascading
off of him.
"Ah, not already, D!" Nick replied from his spot between A.J.'s legs in
the water.
"Yeah, I have to get home to Rachel." Howie smiled evily.
"No one wants to hear about your scuba diving adventures, Howie." Nick
turned up his nose and snuggled farther into A.J.
"Oh, but it's okay for you guys to act up when I'm around??" Howie
laughed.
"Yes, because there are more of us than there are of you here." Brian
laughed.
"Oh, well I'll bring some heteros next time so I can talk about my
adventures." Howie teased and got out of the tub.
"I'm out, too then." Kevin stood up.
"Why do YOU have to leave?" Brian looked up.
"Howie's my ride, Brian."
"Oh, and we just THOUGHT you guys were straight." I replied, tongue in
cheek.
"Oh shut up!" Howie screamed with a laugh.
"Be good, boys." A.J. stated.
"We'll be good at it, A.J." Kevin laughed as the two of them walked into
the house.
"Bye guys!" I hollered.
Both of them hollered their goodbyes back and then were gone. We all sat
there in silence for a few minutes, me running my hands thru Brian's hair
and Nick nuzzling up to A.J. Finally, Brian broke the silence.
"So, do you think we should go, too?" Brian looked up at me.
"Don't you guys leave already!" Nick shouted, keeping me from answering.
"Damn, boy!" Brian shook his head like Nick had deafened him.
"Come on, stick around." A.J. helped Nick out.
"We really need to head out, guys. It's going on ten o'clock and I'm a
tired bitch." I laughed as I slowly began to take my legs out of the
water.
"Oh fine, be that way!" Nick queened out.
"Oh please, right when we walk out the door and get in our car, you and
A.J. are gonna fuck like wild animals, so don't even act like it's
killing you." Brian laughed and stood.
"Baby, you gotta get Rimbaud." I stated as I got down from the edge of
the tub and slipped my sandals on.
"Aight." Brian slipped on his sandals and walked over and grabbed the
dog's leash, bringing him up on the deck. "Here, hold him while I go
change."
I grabbed the dog's leash and stood there, talking with Nick and A.J.
until Brian came back out of the house, his old clothes back on him.
"Baby, did you even bother to try off?" I laughed as I looked at his
shirt clinging to his wet back.
"I guess I forgot." Brian blushed.
"See, it's good we're leaving. The boy is so tired he doesn't even
remember to dry himself off." I laughed.
"Okay, you guys just leave. We don't care. Just walk your asses on out."
A.J. stated dryly.
"Love you, too A.J. baby." I laughed as Brian and I walked towards the
house.
"Hey, you guys be careful." Nick stated quickly.
"We will, bye guys." Brian waved to them as we walked into the house.
Brian and I made our way back thru the house and out the front door,
making sure it was locked behind us. We walked down the steps and out to
the car, Rimbaud following me.
"You want me to drive, baby?" I asked, noticing how red Brian's eyes
were.
"Yeah, if you don't mind." He smiled sleepily at me.
I didn't reply, I just smiled and walked around to the driver's side and
unlocked the doors. I opened the back door and let Rimbaud get up on the
seat. I guess he'd had a long day, too 'cause as soon as he was in the
car, he laid down and closed his eyes.
"So, did we have fun?" I smiled at Brian as I hopped into the car.
"I'm so tired, baby." Brian laid his head on my shoulder as I started the
car.
"Ah, I'll have to go straight home and my baby to bed." I smiled as I put
the car in reverse and pulled out of the driveway.
Brian kept his head on my shoulder for the first couple minutes of the
drive, just starting out at the road as I drove us towards our house.
"So, did this remind you of how much you miss the guys?" I asked Brian as
I stopped at a redlight.
"Yeah, I do miss them. I sorta thought about that today." Brian replied,
getting more alert.
"Oh yeah?"
"Um, I was thinking about the tour and all that." Brian sat up and looked
at me.
"Whatcha thinking about?" I asked as the light turned green and I pulled
out.
"I think I want to go back out on tour." Brian stated quickly.
"That's great, baby. Really." I smiled and rubbed his thigh.
"Well, there's more." Brian continued.
"My my, do alot of thinking today or what?" I laughed.
"I guess so." Brian laughed with me.
"So, what is it?" I asked.
"I want you to come on tour with us." Brian stated outright.
"And do what?" I laughed nervously.
"I don't know, just travel with me. Just take a vacation and see the
world with me."
"Baby, you won't have time for me on the tour."
"Yes, I will. I won't get to spend every second with you, but I'll have
time."
"Brian, I can't go on tour with you." I laughed nervously again.
"Why not?" Brian giggled, thinking I was just being difficult.
"'Cause I'd just distract you and get in the way, and I'd get bored
having nothing to do." I replied.
"You can go shopping, sight seeing, hell, you can rehearse with us for
lack of something better to do." Brian laughed.
"Brian, really I can't go." I stated, knowing he was gonna want to know
why, and I was going to have to tell him I was going to make another
movie.
"Yeah you can, you just pack some bags, get on the tour bus, and go."
Brian laughed.
"No, Brian. I really can't."
"Why not, baby?" Brian grabbed my hand.
"'Cause I'm gonna be working on another movie."
"Do what?!?!?!?!" Brian screeched and let go of my hand.
To Be Continued.....
So, how pissed are all of you that I killed Matt, only to have him
survive and trick you all? I got the most e-mail I've gotten in a long
time during just the first two days after the last section was out.
Actually, to be more accurate--I got 47 death threats in two days. LOL
All of you got so hostile when I "killed" Matt. However, I did it just to
get all of your blood circulating again about Bad Boy B-Rok. So guess
what? I Lucci'd out at the last awards again. Go me! LOL I'm trying to
see how many Boy Band Awards I can go without winning anything. I think I
can beat Susan Lucci's record of 17 Emmy Awards without winning. I'm
hoping so anyway. Well I guess I don't have much more to say except now
you all know Matt is fine. And now you can all stop e-mailing me telling
me you're going to "kick my ass" and "you suck" and my personal favorite
"you asssssss!" Thank you Steelo for that one. LOL Anyway, hope you liked
this last section, and you'll enjoy the next to come. Oh, and shout out
to my homegirl Sher--Hey Sher, "Not on Rex Manning Day!" Anyway--Take
Care, Lep.