Global life expectancy now stands at a new high of 71.5 years, up six years since 1990. In India, life expectancy is up seven years for men, and 10 for women. It’s rising faster in the impoverished east of Africa than anywhere else on the planet. In Rwanda and Ethiopia, life expectancy has risen by 15 years.

If you're not unborn or a Christian in the Middle East, things are actually pretty good. Crime, violence and poverty are down. For the rest, it was a Year of Our Lord and there's Dave Barry to help you laugh at it. So: Cheers!