How To Get The Best Blowjob Ever

Five Steps To Enjoying The Best Bedroom Experience Of Your Life Tonight

I love oral sex. I love giving head. Adore it. It’s definitely on the list of my top ten activities, probably right after “getting head” and “sleeping.” Sure, giving or getting a blowjob might just seem like a rote piece of foreplay on the way to your standard P-I-V fornication, but, dear reader, this time — why don’t you give it a chance and take it all the way?

What I love about oral sex is that there are so many ways to give it that little something extra, and I’m not just talking about a finger up the butt (although that’s not out of the question). Because given context, circumstance, and technique... a super-special blowjob isn’t just a great orgasm, but a beloved memory to cherish forever. Here are five of my favorite ones I’ve ever given — and some tips on how you might have some great ones, too.

1. Blowjob In The Stacks

Let’s see… I was eighteen and madly in love with this guy I’d been sleeping with since the start of the semester. I was a wee sophomore, but he was a senior and trying to cross off items on his bucket list before he graduated. When he suggested hooking up in the stacks, I eagerly said yes. That evening, we innocently traipsed into the fanciest main library on campus and took the elevator up to the seventh floor. Not ones to be easily dissuaded from sexin’, we hurried past the study carrels full of miserable-looking grad students and found a nice private nook with a window that had a view of the buildings across the street. Unfortunately, he forgot the condom, but I'm never one to waste an opportunity, so I cheerfully dropped to my knees and… well, you know the rest. I’m not sure what was more fun — worrying we’d get caught, or knowing I blew his mind in a literal cathedral of knowledge. Seminal knowledge, if you know what I mean. *angel emoji*

Tip: Chances are your boo will be as into semi-public sex as you are… bring it up, gauge the interest, and unless you’re really into exhibitionism, start out with a shadowy corner. Also, there can be legal repercussions if someone catches you, so be careful! Plus, here’s a situation where if she’s a spitter, it proves more useful to swallow. (I always swallow.)

2. Blowjob With A Buddy

When I was in college (I was a lot of fun in college) I had a longstanding fantasy of going down on a guy with a friend of mine. We’d planned it out and everything; all that was left was a willing victim. One fateful night, a few drinks deep, the opportunity presented itself in the form of a beautiful blonde stranger… Some meaningful eye contact, a few coy phrases, and well-timed nods later, his dong was ours to share, and it was awesome.

There’s nothing quite like the look on a guy’s face when he realizes there’s not one but two skillful tongues working their way up and down his shaft… and making eye contact with a pal over a hot guy’s schlong isn’t bad, either. Use the buddy system: it’s dangerous to go alone!

Tip: Here’s a scenario where it’s best to have the BJ-givers on board with the idea long in advance to spare any last-minute drama. No one, believe it or not, really enjoys a surprise threesome — but you’d be surprised how many people are down with being the sexy third friend once you gently introduce the idea to them. Have a few drinks together, maybe roll a spliff, and let the magic happen… which brings me to my next favorite BJ situation:

3. Blowjob High As Balls

A confession: I'm not very good at deep throating. I am a small person, and that doesn’t usually work in my favor when I’m trying to take a big ol’ cock. Enter the blessed remedy: a fat joint. Blowjobs on weed are amazing. I can’t speak for the specific effects it has on my dude, but I know that a little bit of pot goes a long way in making you feel good all over, not to mention wanting to fuck like bunnies. It also has the happy effect of relaxing my muscles — goodbye, gag reflex! — so where too much booze makes me want to puke, a sweet lil spliff just makes me ready for head.

Tip: Puff, puff, pass… out from mind-blowingly awesome oral sex.

4. Blowjob In Bondage

Sure, your girlfriend probably told you about handcuffs after she read 50 Shades of Grey, but my bet is that she’s been the one restrained, not you. Am I right, gents? Hang up that fragile masculinity for a sec and listen to me: Let your girl tie you up before she gives you head. This is one of my favorite ways to take a blowjob from ordinary to extraordinary — not that my blowjobs are anything less than exceptional, but I digress.

I like to tie up my guy with my favorite restraint of choice, bondage rope — handcuffs work too, if you like the pinch — and love to watch him squirm under my cheerful ministrations. He can look, but he can’t touch! Giving up control and succumbing to sensation can be really, really, hot — and, bonus, his hands aren’t free to push down on my head. Nobody likes that.

Tip: It might feel like you’re relinquishing control when you let your partner tie you up… but shhh, that’s the point! You’ll like it, I promise. And if you’ve never done it before, don’t mess around with rope… just get some quick-release handcuffs or bondage tape, and always have a safe word. Enjoy!

5. Blowjob As Celebration

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, the most memorable blowjobs aren’t the ones that we can plan. They’re the blowjobs you give right before he gets a phone call telling him he got the job (actually happened). They’re the blowjobs you give on his birthday (also actually happened, several times). They’re the blowjobs you give on the day he finds he’s going to finally have a son (hasn’t happened yet, but I’m hoping it will someday). They are, in short, blowjobs of triumph and celebration, and we should all be so glad to give or get one.

Tip: I have no tips for this, except to say that it may be worth cultivating a particular relationship with someone you respect and care about, such that you feel comfortable saying to them — whether it’s after receiving a promotion, killing that presentation, or any other accomplishment — “I am proud and triumphant and I would like to celebrate this moment with you, a person I respect and admire. Will you give me head?”

Or, Try A Blowjob Toy

The AutoBlow 2

Looking to get a steaming hot blowjob but missing one crucial ingredient — a sex partner? Thanks to the magic of technology, you can at least approximate the sensation, using the AutoBlow 2. Similar to the most popular male masturbation toy, the Fleshlight, the AutoBlow 2 is a "stroker" — you insert your penis into it and move it backward and forward to approximate penetration. Unlike the Fleshlight, however, the AutoBlow 2 simulates the feeling of a blowjob via an internal motor that strokes your penis while you're entering it.