The Colts Want There To Be Crazy Nine-Point Touchdowns

The NFL Competition Committee is meeting this week, with the biggest concern being what they will do about the Calvin Johnson Rule that continues to frustrate everyone. The answer to that, it seems, is not a whole lot, as it’s been reported that the committee is not planning to ditch the rule, only tweak it slightly.

Just because the important changes to the game aren’t happened doesn’t mean the usual business of NFL teams proposing crazy rule changes that will never happen. Today, the Colts came through with a doozy: the chance to try an extra point from midfield if a team scores a touchdown and converts a two-point conversion.

Colts proposing if go for 2 points after TD and make it, can attempt bonus kick for 9th point from midfield.

There’s no denying this would be a tremendous and completely nutty change. Like, if you converted the two-point conversion, why wouldn’t you try the long kick, even if you have no faith in your kicker? It’s not like the other team could burn an Auburn on you if your kicker missed because the extra points and two-point conversions are blown dead in the NFL if there’s a turnover.

Ultimately, it’s just another pie-in-the-sky rule change that might make the game more fun if only it was given the chance. Too bad.

And then if you make the kick, you have to navigate the obstacle course while the opposing team designates a team member to man the tennis ball cannon. And if you make it to the end of the course, you can try a high dive into Jacksonville’s pool. And if you get three 10s, you set your point wager an answer a Final Jeopardy question. If you get that, then you run a beer mile against SeaBass. And if you win that, it’s battle royal time!

I just got back from time-traveling to 2025, and I have to tell you, the NFL has been replaced by the National CalvinBall League! It’s awesome! And the best part is that all the players hallucinate WITHOUT being concussed!

At Random a highly explosive football will be inserted into the game during the Midfield Kick attempt. Let’s say once out of every 20 attempts. I can hear Simms now. “Jeeeeem, that was some explosheeeen. I beleeeeeve it took the holders head cleeeeen awf”.