have you checked in with the moon lately? ☽

i’ve stopped trying to be pretty

My whole life I’ve spent worrying about what other people think of me and therefore moulding myself around it. It’s just pressure, constant pressure to be the right thing, to look a certain way, constant anxiety as I scrutinise every part of myself as I question “will this person like that?”

But what if you stop? What if you just stop trying to live your life for other people and their approval, what happens then? Do you feel free? Do you become happy?

I’m going to find out.

If you scroll through my blog you’ll find endless posts where I discuss this topic because well, I talk about it a lot. When you’re doing things for other people’s approval, nothing you do is ever good enough. You’re always coming from a place of lack in other words, because no matter what, you always have to be more. You’re coming from a place of “I need to have longer hair”, “I need to have a tinier waist”, “I need to be funnier” – you’re always coming from a place of listing all of the things you don’t have, but need to have in order to be acceptable to all of these other people.

What happens if you just stop caring?

Even though this is of course, an extremely obvious point – “how about you just stop caring what other people think?” we all know it’s easier said than done. Recently for the first time in my life, I’ve cut myself off from any romantic connections I have going on. It may sound dramatic (don’t worry, it isn’t – it’s not that deep) but I’ve never been in a relationship, I’ve just kind of floated around talking and getting along with different people. Not always through my own choice either, personally I couldn’t care less whether I was currently ‘speaking to someone’ or not because I enjoy being on my own and a relationship has never been one of my priorities however, people will message me and I don’t really know how to tell them “hey, is it okay if you leave me alone because I don’t want any romantic connections going on in my life right now” you know? So I just go along with it and end up chatting to them and then thinking….okay, how do I get out of this now? Sounds dumb I know, but I’m too nice to tell them that I just don’t want to talk right now – these are good people and they’re not trying to forcefully flirt with me, so I just go along with it and chat with them.

Lately though, I’ve let everything slowly fizzle out and die down (that way I didn’t have to feel guilty about telling people to leave me alone…) and now it’s just me. Just Chlo all by herself with no one to please and no one that expects anything from her. Hallelujah. I honestly can’t even see myself going back at this point, maybe I’ll just stay single forever and buy a farm and adopt a load of dogs, which sounds like a pretty good idea to me.

What I’m trying to say (and the title of this post) is that I’ve stopped trying to be pretty. I’m going out in public with messy hair and no makeup on and not caring who sees me, I’m nipping out wearing uncoordinated outfits because I couldn’t be bothered to put something together last minute – and I don’t care. I’m not going out to places on the edge of my seat constantly in case I see someone I know – whipping my head around every time I hear the door open – because there’s no one to impress, no one expects anything from me and so now I can just do whatever the hell I want because I don’t need to try and be pretty anymore. There’s no expectations for me to be anything at all. Like I said, it’s just me, Chlo all by herself with no connections to the superficial, I don’t even know if any of this makes sense but I hope you can catch my drift. There’s no expectations, no one to please apart from myself, my purpose is no longer to be here for other people to find me attractive.

This was never my purpose in the first place, of course it wasn’t, but as a woman I felt like it was, which is so incredibly damaging. Sexualising females has become so normalised these days (as it always has been) and it scares me that as a young woman I am growing up in such a world. The amount of pressure for women to be attractive is overwhelming, it’s like we’re made to believe that if we’re not attractive, then what’s the point?

I know this isn’t the case, I know it isn’t, but there’s still always that voice in the back of my head saying “you need to be pretty at all times” and even though I may not be able to get rid of that voice, I still have the power to ignore it. What if I just don’t listen?

I put myself down a lot and I am so hard on myself always and the other day I was thinking, what are these things that I’m hating myself over? What exactly are the things I’m putting myself down for?

All physical.

Any personality trait that I was also scrutinising myself for was as a result of physically not feeling good enough, so it was clear that every negative thing I felt about myself, had stemmed from the physical. But I am so much more than that, yet it didn’t seem to matter. It didn’t matter to me because it didn’t matter to anyone else therefore I too had been brainwashed into thinking “well then what’s the point?”

I’m not sure where I’m going with this, I guess I’m just trying to say that I’m letting go of a lot of things right now. I posted a photo on Instagram the other week for the first time this year and guess what? The sky didn’t cave in. I’m learning to slowly stop bothering about what other people may or may not think – it’s true that you are your own worst enemy, and that’s difficult when all I want to be is my own best friend.

20 thoughts on “i’ve stopped trying to be pretty”

This is so so important, I have actually tried to do the same thing but I am struggling a lot. Especially when I go out with my boyfriend without a nice outfit or makeup on. So I definitely needed to hear this x

This is such an interesting read and good for you girl for doing something that will (hopefully) make you happier in the long run. I wish you every success. If you do meet anyone who you want to be in a relationship with, this will just mean that you know for sure they love you for who you are. xx

I want to be your best friend too haha 😘 And yes let’s be our own besties too. We are the worst to ourselves alwayss. Our inner critic is the worst. I love this post so much omgggg it’s just everything I’m thinking about lately too. I wear less make up only when I really want and some days nothing. We are more than our body. I still have to learn not to care but I’m on my way. I always was searching for love and now I’m like I’m done with the chaos and anxiety what comes with that. I’m in with being single forevah lol 😂 Be free yourself, that’s the best way you can be. You are awesome and so beautiful with your messy hair, no make up and just being your beautiful self. You are art and art has to be messy and real ❤️ Love you so much xoxo

Girly we ARE best friends, it’s a done deal! So glad you’re on your own little journey and getting there (slow and steady wins the race), you deserve all the happiness and yes, we are so much more than just our bodies! This was such a lovely comment and I agree with everything you said, lots of love angel ❤️xxx

YES YES YES GIRLLL! This sounds like the best possible thing for you and honestly such a liberating mindset. Find yourself without romantic entanglements making you want to be someone else and find yourself more deeply than just your physical appearance ❤

This acted as a really good reminder for me to stop caring so much. I totally get you with the whole romantic relationships, I’ve been out of a relationship for around a year now and I feel way more free and confident than I ever did when I was in it. I think, in a way, that it allows you to develop individually and potentially at a faster pace, at least, during this time our young(er) lives. xxx

Oh that makes me so happy! I’m glad you’re feeling more confident than what you were – I have to always remind myself that love is a place for growth and not the opposite, so if it doesn’t better me as a person…I’m doing it wrong! Thank you so much for reading lovely xxx

I feel like your personal growth has really skyrocketed recently Chloe, and your posts have been so beautiful and thought-provoking. This topic is such a sore topic for me because I wish I could be this type of brave and stop caring about what other people think, but I reckon it’s one of the core roots around my anxiety and all my stress so I probably need to let it work itself out. I have however, started caring a little less about trying to please everyone around me and I think it’s kinda in the same vein as what you’re working on yourself, they both take some weight off your shoulders at the end of the day. I’ve stopped bending over backwards for people who won’t take a step for me, I don’t know if you remember but a little while ago I mentioned a friendship that i loved, but that was ridiculously toxic for me, and I’ve finally vocalised to a few people that I’m not jumping through hoops for this person anymore, and it feels like my whole outlook on friendship has improved. I haven’t been a bitch, but I’ve made it clear that I’m not going to be walked over anymore. Once I can translate that over to my physical outlook and insecurities like you have, then we’ll be in business xx

THIS MAKES ME SOOO HAPPY, you’ve no idea !! Thank you so so so much Priya you wonderful girl, honestly I’m not all the way there myself yet (I think in a way we’ll never stop growing as people and therefore, there’s no set finish line for anything) but your time will come, sometimes things just have to happen naturally, I promise you will get there and I’m so happy you’ve already started caring a little less about what people think of you – this is the energy we need girl!! I do remember that friendship you mentioned yes, I’m so glad you’ve voiced your opinions on it now, never let your voice be silenced. If it’s not benefitting you and helping you grow, get rid of it! You deserve so much more than toxic ‘friends’. Sending you all my love and positive energy girly xxx

This is me in a post. A long time ago I would put on makeup to go down to the shops quickly and get milk or something. For those five irrelevant minutes I would put on a full face of makeup and put on “nice” clothes just “in case someone saw me”. And looking good to strangers was just as important as running into someone I knew and looking good. It got to the point where I couldn’t leave the house without getting ready, even though I was ill and going to a doctor’s appointment. And that’s sad. Sad that even when I was sick I felt the need to impress people. I didn’t give myself a pass, never ever. That all kind of changed when I went through a big personal change in my life. I guess you could say that I was growing into the person I am today. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post so much, Chlo. It’s such an important topic too. I wish more people would stop caring and bending backwards to make other people happy, to avoid judgement. Because there will always be people that disagree, that criticise, that judge – it doesn’t matter what you do. It’s an impossible game to win and the sooner people realize that, the better. xxxx

Yes!! Oh my goodness the amount of anxiety I’d give myself for going ANYWHERE just in case I happened to see someone for 2 seconds was ridiculous, like who cares? This is me! I shouldn’t be expected to look 100% all the time – I shouldn’t put that pressure on myself. Completely agree with you, whether I knew them or not it was important what they thought of me…but why? They were strangers! It is sad but I’m so glad you’ve gone through this change now and are continuing to grow into this wonderful woman you’re becoming, your words never fail to make me smile. You are so amazing!! All my love to you as always, thank you thank you thank you xxx

“Above all else, it is about leaving a mark that I existed: I was here. I was hungry. I was defeated. I was happy. I was sad. I was in love. I was afraid. I was hopeful. I had an idea and I had a good purpose and that’s why I made works of art.”