Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Week 47, Day 325- "Barflies At The Beach"

“Barflies At The Beach”

Written by Joe Janes

12/9/09

325 of 365

CAST

Woody, 50s

Aretha, 50s

Jimmy, 20s

(Lights up on Jimmy, Woody and Aretha setting up for a day at the beach. Jimmy wears shorts and a tank top. Woody unashamedly wears Speedos. Aretha wears a one piece with frilly fringe on the bottom half. Aretha is laying out a towel as Woody opens up a cooler and breaks out some beer.)

Oh, Woody, take the sock out of your trunks and shove it in your mouth.

JIMMY

So, you’re not splitting up.

ARETHA

No.

WOODY

I’m just trying to get some kind of reaction out of you, son. All you do is be all Mr. Negative about things. You’re a one-note Nancy. You seem unable to have a good time or do anything other than be terminally perturbed.

JIMMY

Just not happy about things, is all.

WOODY

You need a gal, like Aretha. But not Aretha, because she’s your mom.

JIMMY

What I need is to move away.

WOODY

Elyria, Ohio is a great place to stake your claim in the world. It’s done me good. As it did for my dad and his dad before him.

JIMMY

My life’s just not going anywhere. I need to get to someplace where more stuff is happening.

WOODY

Cleveland?

JIMMY

I was thinking Chicago.

WOODY

What the hell would you do in Chicago?

JIMMY

I don’t know. But I’d find something.

WOODY

It would be a shame if you left. Look, this is going to sound like I’m making it up after I tried to tell you Aretha and I were splitting up, but you know her doctor appointment the other day. We told you it was for a pap smear.

JIMMY

I remember, because I didn’t ask.

WOODY

Your mother has cancer.

JIMMY

What kind of cancer?

WOODY

Oh, you know. Woman cancer. Cancer of the coochie. She didn’t want you to know.

JIMMY

Aretha!

ARETHA

What?

JIMMY

How’s your vagina?

ARETHA

Fine, thank you. How’s yours?

(Woody laughs.)

WOODY

Good one, Aretha! Look, she doesn’t know yet. The doctors only told me.

JIMMY

They told you, but not her.

WOODY

Not easy news to get, Jimmy. What if I told you your dingle was rotting off? How would you like that?

JIMMY

I’d want to know. Mom! Dad says you have cancer.

ARETHA

Woody! Stop lying to the boy. I don’t have cancer.

WOODY

All right, son. She doesn’t have cancer. Yet. But look at her lying out in the sun like a drying piece of girlie jerky. She’ll get cancer soon enough.

JIMMY

Dad. I need to move on. After high school, all my friends moved or became people I no longer wanted to hang out with. There’s got to be more to life than working and drinking.

WOODY

There is. It’s called fucking. Get yourself a girlfriend.

JIMMY

I’ll be sure to look for one in Chicago.

WOODY

Look, I’m not like most dads, right?

JIMMY

That’s absolutely right.

WOODY

We’ve always been more than father and son. We’ve been best buds. You’re my best friend, Jimmy. What the hell would I do without you?

JIMMY

I’m just talking about moving, not dying. We can still be close. We’ll always be close.

WOODY

It’ll take some getting used to.

JIMMY

If I stay, I’ll be unhappy. You don’t want me to be unhappy, do you?

WOODY

Sure, I can live with that.

JIMMY

Well, I can’t.

ARETHA

Let the boy move to Chicago, Woody! Give us a reason to come visit him.

(Jimmy shrugs at his dad.)

WOODY

Give your old man a hug.

JIMMY

You’re practically naked.

(Woody grabs him, thrust his hips into him and gives him a big bear hug,)

WOODY

I’m going to miss you, son.

JIMMY

I’ll miss you, too. Can we go back to the beach? I think I’m standing on a severed hand.

2 comments:

Jimmy yelling at his mom "How's your vagina?" rang a little false for me, but you recovered nicely when we found out she didn't have cancer and Woody was just lying. Still don't know if Jimmy seems like the type to yell that at his mom.

I didn't like the out line ("standing on a severed hand"). I liked that Woody promised no dunking early in the scene (just a throwaway line). It would think Woody would just dunk him at the end of the scene after they had this big father-son moment. It might be diminished because Jimmy already went under early in the scene, but it seems like a more natural out and something Woody would definitely do.