(Closed) Gifting Etiquette

My cousin is getting married in a few weeks, and I plan on going to both the bridal shower, and am in her wedding, so of course I’ll be there! But my question is, do I get her a gift for both the bridal shower and the wedding?

From my own wedding, I remember getting gifts at the shower, and then money or gift cards from the same people at the wedding. Is this a common practice, or do I get two small gifts, two large gifts, etc.?

@Twyla_Smith: I would give a gift for both, and give whatever you can comfortably afford. It is hard to set a minimum because $25 may be a lot to some people, whereas others wouldn’t blink an eye at $100. For us, we give between $150 to $500 at a wedding, depending how close we are. For a shower, I would spend between $50 and $100, depending how close we are. So, I guess my answer is that it depends, but I do think gifts are required at both 🙂

@Twyla_Smith: When I was in that position I gave a gift for both. I gave $75 for the shower because her family planned it and I didn’t help much, but I helped more with the wedding and gave $50 because I was pretty broke from her wedding at that point!

A gift for each is appropriate, but they don’t need to be equivalent value. I generally do a lesser-value physical gift for a shower and a higher-value monetary gift at the wedding, but the golden rule is always give what you can afford. Figure out how much you want and can afford to spend on gifts total for the wedding, divide it up however you want, and you’ll be fine.

Wait, did you say you are IN the wedding? In that case, I would probably just give a very thoughtful card at the wedding itself — no sane bride can honestly expect her bridal party (who already gave up time and money to stand up next to her) to also give multiple gifts on top of that! If you absolutely can’t stomach giving her an empty card, then perhaps a small token gift for the wedding but you certainly don’t need to go beyond that.

@Twyla_Smith: Def give to both. Typically it’s a gift from the registry at the shower and then cash at the wedding. Typically do 25% of the total you plan to spend for the shower and 75% at the wedding.

Random peeve: I can’t stand the word “gifting”. Where the hell did it come from?! Everyone uses it on here! It’s not a word!

@Twyla_Smith: Gift for both. The wedding I would just gift money, and while it’s not mandatory to give a gift at a wedding, it is considered rude to attend empty handed. As for the shower that is a must gift event, the purpose of the shower is gifts.

@iarebridezilla: Ah. I missed that part. Yes, being in the bridal party should mean that you already gave the gift of spending your time and money on her wedding, lol. Having said that, I still know people who have given gifts when they are in the bridal party, so it is all about what you can comfortably afford.

@iarebridezilla: Yes, I am in the wedding, and that was part of my hesitation with getting a gift for both events. Of course I love my cousin, but at the same time, I’ve already spent quite a bit for the actual event!

@Twyla_Smith: I’m sure if you write her a thoughtful card about how much you’ve enjoyed being a part of her day and how bright you know her future with her husband is, she will appreciate that much more than any blender you could buy her! 🙂