Wednesday, 2 July 2014

Not all men are tossers, though some are.

I know I said I wouldn't write about Child Protection and the work that I did - and I meant it.

But the recent conviction of Rolf Harris has raised so many issues I thought I'd float a few of them here.

He presented as hugely likeable - and I'm sure that all those who never saw his 'darker side' had great fun with him. He was musical and talented and could make people laugh. Some blokes are good at that. Nothing can ever excuse the way he used his talents to abuse young women and children.

Some blokes are good at other stuff. They build things or make things or write things or dig their gardens or milk cows. They play music and read books and fall asleep in front of the telly. They cook the tea and play with their kids and read the newspaper and play on their computers. They are generally good blokes.

When I was working there were times when it felt as if all men were total plonkers - or worse. If anyone I didn't know well came near my children I went into fight-mode. Don't you dare pick up her ball for her, nor commiserate with a scraped knee. That sort of thing.

Since I stopped working I've met men of many more shapes and sizes and learned that - yes, some are still plonkers or worse. The Rolf Harrises of this world still lurk around children's playgrounds and in the swimming pools. They still sidle up to children and offer sweets and smiles and make them laugh. Parents must still be vigilant.

But most men aren't like that. Most men work and love and laugh and would need holding back in chains if they thought anyone would harm a child. There are more decent blokes around than tossers, even though the newspapers might have us believe otherwise.

And so, while nothing can ever diminish the harm that Rolf Harris has done, let's not tar all friendly men with his brushes. No one is perfect, but most of us (men and women) are good enough.

Now - that really is my last word on Child Protection. For I really ought to be marketing my vultures.

I remember being very sad when my Dad retired and he said he couldn't walk by himself in a nearby park because people gave him 'funny looks'. I don't think you'd ever meet anyone less likely to harm someone than my Dad - whether it was a child or a grown up - but he had to miss out on something he enjoyed because of the general air of fear that exists around such things. 'Lone man in park' does not always mean danger, but people think it does.

It's sad that men can't delight in small children without people looking askance at them. There are men who lurk around playgrounds, but there are also lonely men who could enjoy the company of children and be horrified at the thought of any of them being hurt.

When my sister came to visit me here in NL, we went for a walk in the country. While we were walking, a solitary man came by. On his own, no dog, you know. Just walking. My sister went into suspicious mode. She's a teacher at a school in England. I, who am not, was confused. What's wrong with a man walking on his own? I found it very sad. Yes, the Rolf Harrises, the Jimmy Savilles are on the news a lot and have conditioned many people's thinking, but these men are not the norm and as you say, most men would be appalled at the very idea of hurting anyone, most of all a child. What has happened has stopped many of them now showing perfectly healthy and normal fondness for kids. What a shame that is.

Good post. You're right. To add to your post what worked in Harris and Savile's favour was the fact that we still look for an evil-looking man when it comes to paedophiles. Sadly, these two men and Max Clifford, too, broke that mould.

They 'hid in plain sight' - and I know from my work experience how many paedophiles do that. But not all men who coach small boys at football want to abuse them, not all swimming instructors, scout leaders ... I know there are many more than we used to think who would hurt children, but most wouldn't. Hurrah!!

When my son first started school my husband said he passed by the school in the car one day at playtime and he would have loved to get out and stand at gate watching him play just to see if he was enjoying himself. He then had second thoughts and thought someone might report him for watching the children. How very sad that was that he felt he couldn't watch his own child play. When I'm out and about with the toddlers old men often stop gardening to speak to them and I have never once felt threatened by them. I once knew a man well known to my family who was a pervert and I never told anyone so I know how these women abused by Harris felt. All those stars who are now up in court make me feel so sad we were all taken in by them ,I thought Rolf Harris was a great guy.

The perverts and bad apples get all the attention in the press, so it's no wonder we've all got some element of distrust within us. It wouldn't make for a very good story if the newspaper would write something about the millions of men who didn't hurt a woman or child today. Still, it's a shame. I tend to be on the naive side, and trust people until they prove themselves untrustworthy, but if I saw a strange man chatting with one of my grandchildren, I'd probably swoop in to the "rescue."