Hello firstly I appologies to all who have seen this thread before on the other board, but thought as I need IVF it should be on here. New to all this so not sure where to post!!

I've just found out I will need IVF, so I’m very new to this. I have so many feelings at the moment and I’m not sure if I want to cry, get angry, think positive for the fact that at least I know now, be sad, to many feelings swimming around..................

I am hoping that by posting this on to this site that someone will see it and think that was what happened to me (or maybe some of it), and give me words off wisdom and hope!

When I was 21 I had a left ovarian cyst, had a laparoscopy (keyhole surgery), came home same day, very sick, high fever & could not walk for 2-3 days, then felt better. 1 month later I felt extremely ill at work so came home, had a fever, pains and felt like passing out. Called doctor to come out but they would not, told my Mum to make me rest. That was on the Friday; Saturday my Mum called them again as I was unable to get out of bed, the doctor came out & said to hospital straight away. Got to hospital on Saturday to be told cant have scan till Tuesday as bank hols weekend!

So they just hooked me up to antibiotics drip, I just got worse and worse each day! On the Tues. they scanned me, found that the ovarian cyst had come back, and there was an abscess. They did not do the operation till the Wednesday evening. So I had 6 days feeling as though I was dieing before they did a thing! After my laparotomy they told me I would be ok - life would be normal. At my discharge appt the Dr said we admit that we must have done something wrong with the 1st opp and this is why you came back into hospital this time (wish I had a tape recorder ). Also he said I shd have kids before 30 yrs old.

I then was in and out of hospital for the next year maybe 4 - 5 times (lost count), had pains in stomach so they put onto an antibiotics drip for a couple of days then sent home each time.

5 yrs later got another ovarian cyst this time on the right, and then I had another laparotomy opp. This time I made sure I had the top doc (head of the team not the junior like before). After the opp they told me my womb / tubes / ovaries / bowl was in such a mess, they have unstuck everything and all looks ok now. But my fallopian tubes where squashed, they have straightened them out, so have 50 / 50 % chance of having children and also a higher risk of eptopic pregnancy - now I was in shock. I was told to stay on the pill to reduce chance of get another cyst until wanting to try for a baby and don’t worry about the being told to have a baby before I’m 30, as this is not the case!

1 year ago my partner and I came off the pill to TTC, then a few mths ago I started a study with a university to find out when you ovulate, which has showed I do some months. I thought this will help me conceive quicker, as my cycles not normal they can be anything from 17 - 27 days. Quickly conceive, sooner the better, I did not want another cyst.

So to bring you up to date; at the beginning of July I went for scan due to painful sex / mid cycle bleeding to be told another cyst on right ovary This time I went private not NHS. I had my opp, laparoscopy (keyhole surgery), last week to be told, bowls stuck down with adhesions to everything (womb / tubes etc..) they have done there best to solve this so my womb has been freed up to hold a baby - one day. Told that they could not see my ovaries clearly to find the cyst and might not have been one in the first place, maybe was just everything was stuck and pushing things down to look like there was a cyst. Or it could have burst before my opp (this is possible as the period just before opp was v. heavy and bad pains).

Then they said my tubes are v. bad and 0% chance of having a babe naturally, but I still a chance of an eptopic pregnancy, so I will now need IVF

My partner is not sure about all this his worried about the babe not being his / mine, he has no faith in NHS hospitals, thinks they will mix up the eggs / sperm, also worried about birth defects in babe being higher, the list off concerns goes on.

Thank you all for the ears, I need to get this off my chest and I am hoping that someone somewhere can advise me of some hope. Maybe with a similar story with a success at the end.

I keep hoping that my partner will say yes to IVF after seeing someone and questions are all answered, also that IVF will work for me. But I still have a small part of me kidding myself - hoping for a 'natural miracle baby'