Tuesday, April 21, 2015

I must have been shot.I must have died.If I were dead why could I still feel pain and
why did it feel like I was suffocating while drowning.Was I having an out of body experience?Hell no!You can’t feel this awful when you are out of your body.You are
supposed to float above the room and watch everyone including yourself go nuts
crazy trying to save you.Nope, I was
drowning!I didn’t recall falling in any
body of water although I really couldn’t recall what happened to me.Suddenly
voices came flying at me like swift pointed darts piercing my brain making my
eyes water.God I didn’t need any more
pain from any direction. I needed air.And
then it happened. Fresh clean peaceful air surrounded my ascending body. Then all around me
beautifully colored balloons were floating with me.I had been so bogged down in mental mud the past
weeks this was exhilarating beyond my wildest imagination.There was no more dreaded thinking.No more pain.No more wondering what was next.Just me, the air I was breathing, and peace.I must have decided to check out because I wasn't suffocating any more.

Why the hell does someone always
have to ruin my peace every time I think I might be just about to truly meet God?Or Buddha? Or whoever rules beyond our
atmospheric veil. What is that horrible
smell spoiling my floating down the lazy river experience?So I was “up floating,” you get it. I flung my arms out ahead of me choking for
more of the perfect air that had somehow turned to sulphur from hell. It continued rising through the delicate
membranes of the two precious holes in my face God had blessed me to breathe
through.The other facial cavity was
screaming obscenities at the so and so who ruined my beautiful peaceful dream. I was beginning to feel like a cat with thirteen
lives.

And then my eyes opened and my
mouth shut for an exhilarating moment.There stood Duke directly in front of me jumping up and down and crying
like a lost dog that had finally come home. Duke
had been the one drowning me with his slobbering excitement.
And Tom!Tom was sitting on the floor
next to me holding my hand like the father I never had.His old black hand cradled my lily white hand
gently into his like a mother would hold her child.My heart cried tears of joy and my brain
danced as I hugged both Tom and Duke for a very long time.Not that Duke sat still for any of it.And so the reconnecting party went on while my repetitious questioning continued….who kidnapped you and Duke?Tom said Duke was already there
when he arrived at the mansion blindfolded. He never saw who knocked him down
and dragged him off.He did recall he
was thrown in the back of a pick up truck. Tilton interrupted saying Timothy
Haines had left the building. I didn’t really care.I suspect he had considering he found out his
brother had followed the family generational curses that ended his life in the
very house they began in.I was in total
agreement we should also depart its bad energies back to the city.

Tom told of Jake's arrogance toward him
and Duke while being held against their will, but that they had received proper
nourishment as well as an old television to watch.Tom told me later in private how he saw the
ghosts of the dead man and woman walking the third floor.In fact he didn’t see them first, Duke
did.Duke would whine while he followed
something in the room with his eyes.Tom
reiterated that when he shut down some of the lights he could see the white mist
of the entities.They didn’t seem
harmful rather they seemed lost, Tom said.He felt sad for them.Duke on the
other hand wasn’t as sure how he felt about these misty characters.

I asked who the person was that
took Duke out to relieve himself.Tom
told me it was either Pam or Jake the snake.

It was time to leave. Tilton’s
fancy corvette couldn’t hold Tom, Duke, and me so we rode with Tim Haines’s who
had left the building but had remained on the property strolling outside among
its memories. Tom rode back with Tilton.We were dropped off at old Tom’s shack which I am sure made for
interesting thoughts for both men whose facial expression gave them away as
stuck ups. I wanted to shout at them!I have a beautiful pink Cadillac and a
million bucks. But I kept quiet.

Stuck up Tilton reminded me to call
him when I was ready to view the…..I stopped him dead from saying the word
Church in front of Tom who knew nothing of my latest undertaking.Tilton looked at me like I was crazy
although I think he might have thought that to begin with.Not crazy maxed out, but somewhat tilted.I assured him I would be fine and thanked him
profusely for all his help in solving the highway mansion mystery.It had been the talk of the town for years in
the past. That days incident would give it
new life for many more years to come. As for me, I would be long gone
living on the 76th floor of a high rise looking out into space at
all the bright city lights every night for the rest of my peaceful life.Hey, living in a fantasy world is the best
way and I did it well, off and on that is.

When we arrived Shamika ran out the
front door to her Daddy’s arms where they held one another a very long
time.Tom reached down scooping up his
little Granddaughter letting her know she was included in the family circle of
love.Duke and I walked into the house
to say hello to Shamonta Baird who was full of smiles to see us.Duke
had been more traumatized then I realized because he wasn’t leaving even an
inch between us.In fact he had become
my shadow.I gave him extra attention to
the point of keeping him on his leash always near me.Thank God Tom was with him during his time
away from me.I doubted I
would ever let Duke out of my sight again as long as I lived.

All this hugging and loving and
chatter had not hidden the true facts from my mind.In fact it was like we were standing on top
of a bridge happy go lucky yet under the bridge lay the remains of all that
happened this past couple weeks as well as what might be next.

Did Tom still have a job?Where would Duke and I stay and for how
long?When would I view the church
property?Was this mess over and could I
get my beautiful pink Cadillac back now?Were there more drug dealers ready to shoot me down? Then suddenly I
realized there had been no FBI people following me as before.Why?Reed always had me followed.I
needed to get to the hospital to see Reed but they would never let Duke in and
there was no way to disguise the old hound dog.No way could I leave him with anyone just yet.

We stayed at old Toms for a few
hours then I called for a cab to take Tom and me to the hospital to check on
Reed.Again there we were the old black
man and the young white girl trucking around Amarillo like it was acceptable
fashion when in fact it was not.But I didn’t
care.I told Tom we would tell folks he
was my steward.He carried my luggage
and tended my dog.Or maybe we would say
nothing and let them chatter away.

The funerals were small.Pam was laid to rest at the local St. Mary’s
Catholic cemetery.Jake was Lutheran, go
figure the family was split up in every sense of every direction religion
included.Not so sure rest in peace
would come into play this round.In fact
I wondered if Jake and Pam would wander the third floor residence of the old
mansion with her dead step-father and his murdered mother.I would have hated to be the next person staying on
that third floor or anywhere in that house of horrors.Odd how our cells have memories and how the
generational curses invite themselves back into our minds with never ceasing vengeance.The bad curses are the worst.The blessed cells passed onto us are more
often than not too quiet and free of strife. They don’t always fight the fight
we need. Pam had fallen into the family well
of curses.I usually jump into those
wells with people as I am a rescuer.I
was learning how to throw them a rope vs ending up buried as Pam did.

Timothy Haines was the only living relative left
behind after the death of his brother Jake the Fake Frenchman.I wondered if Pam knew he was a fake and loved
him in spite of it. I mean come on she told me she was FBI working undercover. Surely she would have had Jake checked out. Pam died
taking with her a lot of secrets untold.I am forever thankful to her for telling me Duke was on the third floor
just before she killed herself and her lover Jake.I recall thinking how odd it was she had it
wrong where the secret staircase was.She told me it was behind the fireplace wall in the kitchen, but Tim
Haines new exactly where it was.In the
kitchen pantry. There were definitely a couple of pieces of the Haines’s
Mansion puzzle missing and I really didn’t want to play Nancy Drew any more in
any way.

The taxicab pulled up to the hospital
entrance as the driver asked if he should wait. I said yes and instructed Tom to
stay there with Duke who had a meltdown when I walked away into the
hospital.I figured I would be visiting
with Detective Miles Reed for some time regarding all the occurrences of the
day as well as how I could get my Cadi out of impoundment.But to my shock Miles Reed had checked
himself out earlier that day.The head nurse
informed me he seemed upset and left against doctors’ orders. I headed over and
down the stairwell of the old hospital when I saw Tom sneaking up with Duke. Duke
had become stressed at the length of time I had been gone. Tom would not allow
Duke to be left in the cab alone so he took a huge risk of getting caught by
hospital security. I asked him what he thought he was going to do when he got
to the nurses station on the 2nd floor with a dog.He said he hadn’t figured that out yet.Tom and I looked at each other while at the
same time Duke was looking back and forth at us looking back and forth at each
other.At least some things were back to
normal. We both snickered and then I noticed the worry on old Tom’s face as we
stood in the stairwell of the hospital’s 2nd floor.

“What’s up Tom?You look as though you lost your last dime?”

He responded that he had.I didn’t understand even though I should
have.My head was so full of “under the
bridge curses” from our day outta hell that I missed something important.Amazing what a million bucks in the bank does
to the money thinking portion of a brain.Old Tom had no job that he knew of.Hadn’t worked in a couple of weeks nor given his daughter any monies for
food and other necessities.I felt as
stuck up and tacky as Tilton and Timothy in their fancy man boy toy cars.Mine was a fancy bank account, not that my
car wasn’t fancy schmancy too. Not to mention my dog.Never the less I knew what being poor was
like.As a kid we didn’t have much lest
I ever forget.

I humbly said as I reached out and
hugged the old man, “Tom, your family was taken care of in your absence. Not to
worry. And we will see about your job tomorrow. Okay?”

He humbly thanked me but then Tom
was always humble.An action many could
learn from him.He quoted me verses from
the Bible on humility as well as he lived it.He was a preacher man without a doubt with the voice of a radio
announcer.I aimed to find that man a
flock to tend and a church to hold ‘em!

The
cabby had waited twenty dollars’ worth mostly on a count of I forgot he was out
there. Tom, Duke, and I raced down the stairs to the front entrance and into
the back of the cab giggling like kids. I told old Tom to sit up front with the
black cabby so Duke and I could sit in the back together.

Directly the cabby says, “Where to
ma’am?

This time we decided to go to Miles
house.I needed to get some clean
clothes and a few more travelers’ checks. Then we'd go be good to go. Again I told the cabby to wait out front
considering I didn’t see Miles car in the carport.I couldn’t understand where in the heck Miles
Reed could have gone?Surely he wouldn’t
leave the hospital early to go back to work.The nurse said he was upset when he left.There went my brain into overdrive.Like how do you tell if an FBI agent is upset?Was he crying?Was he angry?Did he stomp his feet and whine? There was simply nothing cool about any
of it.

I guessed I would be staying at
Miles that night although nothing was for sure and I hated unsure.Security should have been my middle
name.Julianna Needs Security Rowe.Or Julianna “requires security” Rowe.All I knew for sure was I never wanted to go
back to the old Haines Mansion ever ever again.However I knew this mess wasn’t over.Someone had shot at me.Reed had
been in a car wreck and was now missing after checking himself out of the
hospital. Pam and Jake were dead in a murder suicide.And come to think of it why did Reed
interrogate me for so long mostly about Pam if in fact she was FBI working with
him? I needed my Granddaddy’s two shots of Canadian Club and a good long
shopping day.And then my mind came back
to reality as we piled back into the taxi cab. That was after freshening up and grabbing a quick sandwich with milk and cookies.

Directly the cabby says, “Where to
ma’am?

My God and Mary and all the Angels
I had no idea where to go next.I was
fairly happy no one was shooting at us though I hadn’t really expected it yet I probably should have.Tom looked at me
and me back at Tom and Duke at both of us looking back and forth at each other while
the cabby was looking at Duke looking at us looking back and forth at each
other.Then we all busted out laughing
as we realized the scene.

Cabby said, “Ma’am my meter is
still running. Where would you like to go next?”

I told Tom I wished to drop him off
at his house and I would head down to the FBI offices before they closed.I hoped to be able to get my Cadi back with or
without the assistance of Detective Miles Reed.And so it was. When
we arrived back at Tom’s home I slipped him some cash as he got out of the cab.

As always he said, “Be paying you
back ma’am.”

I said, “Yes you will Tom Baird. No
worries for now and I’ll be in touch very soon.”

I could see by the look on the old man’s
face he was scared to let me go off alone.And I imagine he might have been a bit scared for himself and his family
considering he had been kidnapped and held against his will.I waved and shouted, “It will be alright
Tom.Really it will.”Hell I had no idea if anything would ever be
alright again.I was so good at shucking
out positive sayings regardless. As the cab pulled away I turned to look out
the back window raising my hand in a gesture of love and watching Tom until I
could see him no more.

Julianna Rowe: My pseudonym or pen name

"Writing stories with parts of my life mingled within the pages takes me to places I love. It also re-writes certain pages of my life that needed a few touch ups. Sort of like when you wake from a bad dream and fix the ending before totally waking up. That is what my books are about. Truths and fabrications within the walls of my mind. Mostly fabrications from my vivid imagination."

My Lifebook "More Than Meets the Eye"

Love Letters.....from Daddy.

About the Book

Letters to his daughters while incarcerated.....

Feeling helpless, alone, and unable to offer a touch, Daniel spent hours drawing, writing, offering advice the only way he could. These were all written in 2004 until I assembled all the ones I could find into this book for his daughters to hold on to until he comes home.