Sack up, Bros! WB just greenlit an Entourage movie!

Bros, I feel like I’ve been dreaming about this day ever since Andrea Fingerblast ski-poled Flapjacks and me after the Chi O slave auction in the back of Steve L’s mom’s beamer on the way to pledge retreat, and now it’s finally here: Entourage is getting a movie. It’s a pretty personal story for me. I still remember I was wearing the limited edition And 1 kicks Turtle designed the day I found out we hazed Spinach to death after Kamikaze. I’m pretty emotional right now. RIP, Spinach.

Warner Bros has tonight given the green light on a movie version of Entourage. The film will be directed by series creator Doug Ellin, who wrote the screenplay and who exec produced the series with Mark Wahlberg and Stephen Levinson. Deals are starting to be made with Adrian Grenier, who played Chase, Kevin Connolly, who played his manager Eric “E” Murphy, Kevin Dillon, who played the actor’s brother Johnny Drama, Jerry Ferrara, who played their entrepreneurial driver Turtle, and Jeremy Piven,

That’s about as far as the studio has gotten at this point, and there is no start date. I for one loved the series ending, in which Ari finally gave up his career and pledged his devotion to his long suffering gorgeous wife (Perry Reeves), only to get a last minute phone call offering him his dream job of running a film studio, knowing he’ll lose her if he says yes. Love to see how Ari negotiates himself out of that hell. Did I mention that I watched that show from start to finish, and miss it terribly?

While some naysayers might start in that an HBO transfer to film has no shot, the first Sex And The City did pretty well. For me, I can only think of one word to describe this development. Victory!!!!

See, bros? I’m glad Mike Fleming got a job at Deadline, but this is why he didn’t get a bid and Underpants Tony did. I mean we all know there’s a difference between being a down-ass bro and being a lurky creepenstein who makes all the clam slam shut. As Fat Dave my grand big always said, we need pledges, not stalkers – no homo. Anyway, I was all ready to take a grandma’s funnel to the dome after hearing this news like Stinkeye before he got tazed by the cops after Paddy’s, but then my bro Burnsy was all, “slow down, bro: are we sure this is really a good thing?”

At first I thought Burnsy was just being a f*g, but then it really got me to thinking, and he was holding the hookah so I thought we should hear him out:

“Look Entourage bros. We’ve been through a lot together. From that time that the bros had to pee in bottles to help Vinnie pass his drug test (we had to do the same for Date Rape Dave, but it involved jizz and a blanket) to that episode where Vinnie was all, “I can bang bros” and Drama gave his money to that stripper (we had to give a hooker all our cash once because of Date Rape Dave, too) you bros have been there for us, bros.

But bros grows up. Date Rape Dave is now Deadbeat Dad Dave. Black Steve and Boner Pete are now Gay Black Steve and Gay Boner Pete since they told us why they were roommates at the Delt house for four years. And Blowjob Stacy is dead.

An Entourage movie would have been totes balls all the way back in 2012. But this is 2013. We don’t Ice each other anymore. We butt chug. You had your chance, Entourage bros. But this is a Suits world now.”

I don’t necessarily agree with my bro Burnsy, but he is a two-time winner of the Purple Helmet award for injuries sustained in the line of partying and a recipient of the Dave Jensen Memorial Golden Skateboard, given for the bro who takes the most shit during hell week and still rages his balls off. If nothing else, he’s earned the right to be listened to.

I lived with my bandmates during college, and am surprised and alarmed at how closely it would seem to have mirrored the Greek life. Our roster: The Goat, Mud-Butt, Dangle, Trout, Fat Richard, Bart (not his name), T-bag, Badger, Skeeter (honest to god), Tube Sock…

In college the different groups I tended to associate with gave nicknames to people whose names we didn’t actually know. Like “earth mother” or “street monster” or “the captain”. Within the groups it was usually just our names or abbreviations.

Im going to stock up on NOS energy drinks and get my tribal tattoo re-inked before i go see this. oh man, i bet vince and the gang are going to crush so much pussy. no homo. W.O.W. Jaegar bombs. Epic Fail!

Four Scores coupons and seven semesters ago our bros brought forth on this campus a new nation, conceived in your Mom’s vagina, and dedicated to the proposition that all bros are created equally awesome.

The ‘TOURAGE hangs tights on what remains of P-Diddy’s private 767, rationing the caviar and Cristal supplies. TURTLE is in a bad way with a massive head WOUND. They’re burning Lenny Kravitz’s scarf for warmth.

DRAMA
Yo, baby Bro, I don’t think we’re gonna make
it.

Vince considers this.

VINCE
No. Don’t worry Johnny. Ari’s gonna send help.

E looks beleagured.

VINCE (con’t)
E, what’s up? We’re gonna be back on top in no time.

E
(voice extra raspy and short sounding)
I just don’t know what I’m gonna tell
Sloan. She’s just not gonna understand.

Drama suddenly gets an idea.

DRAMA
Bros… I gotta an idea.
(beat)

VINCE
Well… what is it Drama?

DRAMA
Do you remember that one night, when we were
in Cannes with Billy and we did a shit ton
of Eric Roberts’ shrooms. Do you remember the
pact?

E and Vince exchange a KNOWING glance.

DRAMA
We can’t die without dropping one final load bros…
and I’m sure as shit not gonna jerk myself before
I go out.