Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Tabitha Takes on the Internet

Note: It's time for another post from my page admin Tabitha. And I have to admit, this one is sort of my fault. Although really, I blame the Internet. Standard advance apologies apply. - CB
so, like, hi y'all. it's me, tabby.

tabitha roxanne renee louise brownif you're nasty.

so the chuckster was being pretty funny this week. and by funny i mean she was all stressed out and about to have a nervous breakdown. which i find funny. here's why.

every year the domain name for this stupid blog comes up for renewal. every year the google people send her multiple reminders. and every year chuck puts off renewing until the damn thing up and expires, and she has to get it back up and running before she loses the three pathetic morons who actually read this thing.

manny, moe, and shemp i call them.

i mean, really, she should hire someone to look after things like that. a page administrator or whatnot. how hard can it be?

aaaaanyway, this year chuck decided to fork over her renewal fee a whole day before the domain registration expired. because she's, like, proactive and mature and blah-de-dah.

which reminds me, did you see diane keaton at the golden globes?i love hot drunk chicks, don't you?

back to chuck. she could not for the life of her get to the screen that would allow her to renew. she tried and tried, and she trolled the help forums, and she logged in to her account a dozen different ways, and she could. not. do it. she got so panicked her pits started to excrete that extra-stinky stress sweat. you know what i mean. it doesn't happen to me - i got pit lipo and sucked away all my sweat glands - but i've smelled plenty of stinky stressed-out bitches. you know what i'm talking about.

her anxiety was eqxesquiequix awesome.

but all good things must come to an end, and she finally found the key to the renewal screen, so you people are just going to have to put up with this shitty blog for another year, which is totes not my fault. i just work here, and it's a crappy job at that. frankly, i'm appalled at your taste in websites. you're, like, really easily amused.

ermahgerd it's a monkey wearing clothes lol.

but shut up and listen for a minute. because not only did chuck figure out how to pay for her own stupid blog - which i'm sure will be on her lifetime "top 10 list of really obvious things i figured out" - but also she discovered how to do something else she's been wanting to do for a long time. and in a moment of finally not being completely lame, she did it.

she gave me my own email address, y'all.

aaaawwwww hell yeah.

i like totally exist now. i can talk to people, and i can go on facebook and i can have a twitter thing and i can order expensive garbage on amazon and leave stupid reviews that everyone goes hahahaha hey george takei look how funny these bogus amazon reviews are. and i can go on dating sites and comment on other people's awful blogs and...

...and i...

I told myself i wouldn't cry.

i have an email address. i bet i can hire freaking beyonceto cry for me.

oh, and it's tabby(at)always-drunk.com. like, say hi and whatnot. unless you're one of those nigerian princes or selling viagra. i will cut a bitch that tries to get me to share my confidential banking information or make my dick hard. the internet is no place for lies and scams. duh.

3 comments:

Now, you see, Tabs, I have this offer for you. Some years ago a man came to me and left me an old lamp, saying he'd return for it some day. Well, y'know what? He never did. And I read later that he died when a meteor fell on him.

Now this lamp has a jīnni living inside. A very nice jīnni, who would love to grant wishes. Unfortunately, the guy who left the lamp with me put a block order on the jīnni preventing him from having me any wishes. I am therefore looking for a partner who will present himself as the next of kin of the former owner. If you agree, Tabs, I'll give you full details of the late owner so that you can get appropriate documents prepared. I will then hand over the lamp to you and trust you to share the services of the jīnni equally with me, placing orders for me as and when I request.

Oh, I know I'm Shemp. I've been told I'm Shemp. I've been told my hair looks like Shemp's, except I wash it daily, unlike Shemp who I'm pretty sure never washed his hair. Although that's better than Moe who, in one of their films, rubbed butter into his hair. Talk about a waste of perfectly good butter.

Now I'm off to forward Tabitha one of those "Meet Latin/Arab/Asian/Indian/Canadian girls!" ads.