137: Explanations

In Which Ian Does Not Want To Smell Like Honeysuckle
“Oh, shit,” Ian said. “Did I… I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“I… I don’t think so,” Amaranth said. She sounded worried… frightened, almost. The supernatural confidence she’d had throughout the encounter was gone.

I didn’t have to guess why: she’d worked so hard to make things go right, and now I was lying on the bed, sobbing uncontrollably… that was about as not right as things could go. I’d really fucked things up.

“Come here, baby,” she said, nudging Ian aside and climbing on the bed with me. She pulled me into her arms, heedless of the stuff dripping from my thighs. None of it would really get on her, anyway. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I didn’t come,” I sputtered, once I’d pulled myself together enough to speak. It was all I could manage to get out, but it was woefully inadequate. The problem wasn’t just that I hadn’t climaxed. If television was to be believed, most women didn’t get off every single time.

Of course, most women didn’t have a nymph there helping them along…

“You mean that was faking?” Ian asked, sounding amazed. “Oh, fuck…”

“What? No,” I said. “I wasn’t faking!”

“Then… I’m confused,” Ian said.

“Mack, baby, I’m not sure what you’re talking… you did come,” Amaranth said, curling some of my hair around her fingers. “You came buckets. You came your brains out.”

“But… I didn’t,” I said.

“You did,” Amaranth said. “All of that… what you were feeling at the end? Right before Ian finished? Those were orgasms.”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. I was trying to gather my thoughts and focus. There were still tears running down my face, but I was getting the sobbing under control. “That was… it felt like…” At a loss, I buried my face against Amaranth’s warm, soft flesh. I didn’t want to say this in front of Ian. I didn’t want to say it out loud at all. But, I couldn’t see another way to make them understand. “It felt like when you spank me.”

“Well… yes,” Amaranth said. “I was a little curious about that myself… if the orgasms you have from sex would feel the same as the ones you get from spanking, but it’s not anything to cry about either way.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, pulling away so I could look into Amaranth’s face. Shock and confusion were edging out despair. “I don’t have orgasms when you spank me.”

Amaranth stared at me, her lips pursed and twitching from side to side.

“Baby, do you really not know?” she asked finally.

“Know what?”

“When I spank you, do you feel… um… how should I put this?” she asked, biting at her lower lip. “Do you feel a kind of tension building up inside you until you can’t stand it, and then it tears itself out of you in an almost blinding flash of pleasure?”

“Um… yeah,” I said, ducking my head and blushing. “Something like that.”

“Well, it’s like I said before we got started here,” Amaranth said. “You probably don’t want to spend too much time dwelling on that kind of contradiction in the heat of the moment.”

I stared at her, waiting for the punch line. She was being so earnest, but what she was saying was… well… ridiculous.

“People don’t have orgasms when you hit them on the ass,” I said.

“Most people don’t,” Amaranth agreed. “But your triggers are a bit different, and really easy to set off. That might be because you’ve been so repressed… and in fact, there might come a time when pain and humiliation alone aren’t enough and you need more conventional sex to climax. On the other hand, it might be that you’ll always need the pain and humiliation.”

She gave a shrug, as if to say that it hardly mattered either way.

“So, if what you’re saying is true, then I might never be normal,” I said.

“You’ll be normal for you,” she said. “Nobody else can say that’s right or wrong.”

“I just don’t understand how I could… I mean, without anybody actually touching…”

“Well, yes, but the underlying principle is the same,” Amaranth said. “Your mind controls your body… the two are intimately connected. As above,” she said, touching my forehead and then gesturing between my legs. “So below.”

“It’s just like how that asswipe creamed his pants when he thought we were going to gang rape you,” Ian said. We both looked at him. “Or… maybe not ‘just like’ it.” He blushed. “I’ll, um, just be quiet and let the nymph explain.”

“This sounds like a story I need to hear,” Amaranth said, giving me a stern look.

“I… I was going to tell you,” I said. “Everything that happened today. I just wanted… first…”

“I believe you,” Amaranth said, pulling me in close again. “Now, do you understand that there’s nothing wrong with anything you felt, just now and when I’ve spanked you?”

“I… I guess I know it,” I said. I couldn’t really argue. Amaranth of all people should know what an orgasm is. “I’m still working on understanding it.”

“Right,” Amaranth said. She gently slid me off her lap and then stood up as well. “Well, nobody’s going to bed without a good, hot shower first. Ian, you want to join us?”

“He can’t come into the girls’ bathroom,” I said, aghast.

“Well, it’s only polite to ask,” Amaranth said.

“Um… I probably shouldn’t,” he said.

“You can go over to the boys’ side, then,” Amaranth said.

“Or one of the connecting halls,” I added, figuring we’d collectively pushed Ian’s boundaries enough for one day. If he didn’t want to go into a non-human dorm bathroom by himself I wasn’t going to make an issue of it. “You also might want to stop and wash your face first, so you’re not roaming the halls all bloody and… and…”

I absently reached out a hand for his upper lip, but he slapped it away.

“Stop,” he said.

“Ian!” Amaranth said, but he ignored her. He grabbed me by the wrist and squeezed.

“You take blood only when it’s offered, got it?” he said.

“I… I just…” I stammered.

“Got it?” he repeated, squeezing harder.

“Yes,” I said, bowing my head, and he released me.

“Was that really necessary?” Amaranth asked.

“You weren’t there,” Ian said. “You didn’t see her.”

“He’s right,” I said, massaging my wrist. “I shouldn’t… he’s right. I never knew what fresh blood was like before today. I shouldn’t make a habit of casually tasting it.”

“Well… okay,” Amaranth said. “But, that’s no reason to be so…”

“You weren’t there,” Ian said again.

“Let’s go shower,” I said. Ian was right. Amaranth didn’t understand, and she needed to, but I didn’t think I could stand to recount the day’s events in front of anybody else, even somebody who’d been there for some of them.

“Okay. I’ve got extra towels in my room, Ian… and we can check on Twoey,” Amaranth said. She gestured at the large wet spot we’d left on the bed. “Maybe she’ll know some way to clean up this mess… I know I don’t have to ask if you’ve got another set of sheets, Mack.”

“We can’t kick Two out of her own bed and then ask her to clean up our sex stains,” I said.

“Good thing I’ve got extra bedding, too, then,” Amaranth said.

“Why do you need extra bedding?” I asked. “You’re inherently clean and you never use your own bed.”

“That’s no reason to be unhygienic,” she said loftily. “Put your towel on, Mack, and we’ll get going.”

“Can’t I get dressed?” I asked. I’d never been good at the whole towel-as-bathrobe thing.

“Would you rather carry the towel?” she asked, looking down over the rim of her glasses.

“No, ma’am,” I said, and ran to get my towel and other shower stuff from the closet while Ian got dressed.

I felt nervous walking down the hall in only a towel, though of course there wasn’t anything that strange about it. Didn’t other girls do it? Probably. All I could think about was the day Amaranth had made me walk naked down the hall to the showers, the day I’d given myself to her.

The sticky feeling between my legs didn’t help, either.

The light was already on when we got to Amaranth and Trina’s room. I pushed Ian back into the doorway when I saw Two lying on Amaranth’s bed in a brazenly sheer pink negligee with lacey bits just barely obscuring her otherwise bare breasts. At least she was wearing panties, though. She was on top of the covers, in her sleeping princess pose with Hand Wash, her teddy bear, held to her chest.

“Hi,” Two replied, in the most sullen voice I’d ever heard from her. She didn’t move, or even look up. “Did Ian leave?”

“No,” I said. “He’s gonna go shower in one of the boys’ dorms, but he’ll be back.”

“He isn’t supposed to be here,” Two said.

“Twoey, you are being very rude,” Amaranth said.

“Hey,” I protested. I thought that was a bit much. We’d kicked Two out of the room the night after I’d invited her to move in… that was hardly polite.

“He isn’t,” Two said again. “And I do not would like to sleep in your bed. I would like to sleep in my bed, in my room that I share with Mack.”

“I can go,” Ian said. “Really. I don’t want to be a problem.”

“No,” I said. I looked at Amaranth. “Look, we’re done with the… stuff… for tonight, right?”

“If you want to be, baby,” Amaranth said.

“So, there’s no reason Two has to sleep in here,” I said.

“Um, I kind of have a hard time getting to sleep if I’m not nude,” Ian said.

“You can wear your shorts for one night,” I said, though I doubted Two would consider them acceptable sleepwear. Oh, well… maybe we all needed to learn to compromise a bit.

I went over to the side of the bed and knelt down, leaning on the bed so that I could look at Two. I was sure she could see me, at least out of the corner of her eye.

“Two, I’m sorry,” I said. “I wasn’t really thinking things through… I just needed… well, I couldn’t do what I needed with you in the room.”

“Because I am creepy,” Two said, still staring at the ceiling.

“Two, you’re not,” I said. “People just don’t… well, they don’t have sex with other people in the room…”

“Actually…” Amaranth started to say, but I ignored her.

“…and especially if it’s somebody like their sister,” I finished.

“Actually…” Amaranth said again.

“Don’t think you’re helping,” Ian told Amaranth.

“I’m just trying to make sure we’re being accurate,” she said.

“I didn’t want to kick you out of the room,” I said. “I didn’t know how it would go or how long it would last. It just seemed like it would be easier if… um…”

“If you put me away somewhere first,” Two said.

“Two, we didn’t mean it like that,” I said. “We just wanted to make sure you had somewhere to sleep.”

“Um, maybe I should just stay out of this,” Ian said. “But it sounds like you’re making a big deal out of nothing. I mean, roommates usually clear out when the other one’s having… um, having a date over.”

“They… do?” Two asked, her eyelids fluttering as she considered this new information.

“Um, yeah,” Ian said. “You’re supposed to, you know, hang a sock or a tie on the doorknob so your roomy knows to stay out.”

I watched Two mouth the words “supposed to” a couple times, and then she sat up and swung around to face me.

“You did not put a sock on the doorknob,” she said in a tone of mild reproach. “You were supposed to.”

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“I forgive you,” she said. “Because that’s what sisters do.”

“Do you… um… do you want a hug?” I asked. I winced a little in anticipation of her reaction to the “w word”, but it seemed like the right moment.

“Yes,” she said, nodding gravely. “I do.”

We hugged. I’d never been much of a hugger, before coming to MU. When I initiated a hug, I felt like something was lacking… like there was something I wasn’t doing. If there was, Two didn’t seem to notice.

Though, she did crinkle her nose in displeasure when we came apart.

“You need to shower,” she said.

“I know,” I said.

“Does Ian have pajamas?” she asked.

“Um…” I said, distracted by the incongruous mental image of Ian in one of Two’s cami sets.

“We’ll talk about that after we’ve showered,” Amaranth said.

“He’s still not supposed to be here,” Two said, without much force.

“We know, sweetie,” Amaranth said. She handed a big fluffy white towel to Ian. “Here you are, Mr. Mason.” She gave him a bar of soap, too. “It’s the only thing I have that isn’t scented. Unless you want to smell like honeysuckle?”

“No, this is fine,” Ian said.

Amaranth threw her own towel over her shoulder and hoisted a wire basket full of more little bottles than one person should need in a lifetime, much less a single shower. She came over and kissed Two on the forehead, then took my hand.

“Come on,” she said. “We’ve got stuff to talk about.”

“Bye, Two,” I said as Amaranth led me through the door. “See you in a bit.”

“Bye, Mack,” she said.

We passed Twyla in the hall. Amaranth smiled at her but she kind of looked away and hurried past. Considering what my face must have looked like, streaked with tears and other stuff, I was glad. Ian parted ways with us at the stairwell door and we headed into the bathroom.

I was relieved to see both bathtubs were empty for once. Well, it was Saturday night… Feejee was probably with Rick. Why hadn’t I thought to clean my face up a bit before leaving my room? Because I hadn’t been told to, I realized. Amaranth probably would have stopped me if I’d tried, but I hadn’t.

That thought gave me a weird thrill of pride.

The showers weren’t running. At first that relieved me, since it meant we’d have them to ourselves at least to begin with… but then I remembered earlier, when Puddy had left them running to wash away the traces of my crimes. I shuddered at the memory of what I’d done, what I’d been like, the last time I’d been in the showers.

Amaranth gave my hand a little squeeze when I stopped moving.

“Are you okay, Mack?” she asked.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

“I’m with you,” I said. “I’m yours. That’s enough… that’s all I need to be, right now.”

I am compelled to point out that motivation is not always necessary to remain silent for any physical activity, this includes sex.
Some people will remain quiet unless given motivation other than physical pleasure, no matter how much pleasure it might be.

You’d be surprised if you knew all the ways to sneak a guy into a girls-only bording school in a convent. And where you can do it in said convent. Or how to sneak into the nearby boys-only bording school in a monastery. Or how often you happen to meet young-ish monks or nuns using the same ways around one in the morning…

I laughed at the fact that Mackenzie had to be told that she has been having orgasms during her “punishment sessions ” this chapter.
In case this ever comes up, no I don’t have a conscience, also I use logic as a more effective replacement.
For example it won’t make me feel bad for resorting to violence when it is the best -or only- option.