The past is a different world.

November 26, 2007

Well I would say that thanksgiving was a success. It was such a healing/rejuvenating experience to be with my family. I spent Wednesday-Thursday with my parents, my Uncle Luke, my Uncle Stan and their spouses in Omaha, NB. During the drive eastward, I had a lot of time to gather my thoughts and listen to some great music. I got into my uncle’s home and gave my parents a big hug followed by my extended family. We sat around and talked and got all caught up. The next morning, we had a big breakfast and watched football. At 4, we had our Thanksgiving dinner. The highlight of the meal was the Lefsa. I haven’t had that in a few years, and I deeply missed it!

The peak of my time in Nebraska was Thursday evening. We all sat in the living room as I listened to my mom and her brothers reminisce about the past. Stories of the life on a family-farm, stories about my grandfather I never met, and tales of early marriage life. After that, my mom suggested we sing some songs around the piano. My aunt Sharon mounted the bench, and with soft fingers began hammering the ivory keys to the tune of old Lutheran hymns and classic Christmas tunes. The air was thick with jovial melodies and love.

After the singing, we all sat down again, and my uncle Luke asked if he could read us a story he had been working on. He clarified that it was a telling of how my uncle Philipp died when he was 21. My ears burned with anticipation. I had never been brave enough to ask my mother the details about his death, because I could see the pain behind her eyes when we spoke of him. Luke, with his rumbling voice, started reading aloud as gingerly as he could, holding back the tears. His story was very concise and detailed, and beautifully written. I felt such a range of emotions. I could sense that it was a healing experience for my mother, and Uncle Stan.

I drove home feeling so much love and so much frustration. I felt as if I truly had a family to be proud of, but also felt selfish in my own life. I make things into these big ordeals, when truly I haven’t been through hardship. I am blessed, and I choose to focus on that. I think this was one of the first Thanksgivings where I really truly felt thankful. I also feel like I have a better sense of what matters in life, and what kind of legacy I want to leave this earth with.