There was no chance to fight the swift and terrible disease called Ovarian Cancer. My sister went in the hospital four days after my mother passed away. Twenty-six days after mother was gone, so was Penny. Gone forever – except in our thoughts and memory.

There are no more chances to get to know her, something that did not really happen in our lifetime. Oh I knew how talented an artist she was, I knew how much she loved crafting and antique collecting. I knew how much she loved my mother and devoted her life (literally) to caring for her. I knew she got great grades in school, and she loved to garden. I also knew she could not live without Mom.

My view of her was tainted by her inabilities rather than her abilities. I saw her symptoms of Aspergers and let them define how I viewed my sister. We clashed often before I understood, but even after she would not let me into her world. It was her world and I was not allowed in, probable because of old grievances and stupid things I did as her younger sister, but maybe just because it was her world, not mine. My regret is that I did not find a way that was not threatening to her. I did not find a way, until the last eight weeks of her life, and that was not enough time.

I will be forever grateful we had those last eight weeks together. Much of it was spent focused on Mom, of course, but after Mom passed, the focus changed. I listened to her stories, she told me where to find things, our past difficulties were forgotten or forgiven without being spoken of. Yes, I will be grateful, but I still regret what has been lost. I admire her decision not to fight. Much like my father, she went bravely into the night, alone and scared but sure of her path. Travel well sister.

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About Barbara K Tyner

A graduate of UCCS with a degree in English Lit., Barbara writes Children's Literature as well as mainstream fiction. Her popular children's series, The Badger Books, is co-authored with Barbara's daughter, Laura. Her first novel, "Wait Here, Wait There" deals with grief and Alzheimer's. Her second novel, Rhyaden, a middle grade fantasy released Nov. 2018. Gardening, exploring National Parks, Kayaking, hiking, and snow-shoeing top her list of favorite hobbies.

1 Response to No Chance

You’ve been on my mind and heart for a while now… with your mom’s passing and now I see your sister as well. Just wanted to tell you how much I admire you and your strength and of course your writing. You’ve put these sad days on paper so eloquently, painfully too, I’m sure. Anyways, thank you for sharing your heart. Love you.