"About 4 million Americans watched my report from Afghanistan Monday. My main point was that U.S. forces are performing heroically, but the war against Al Qaeda and the Taliban will never be won unless Pakistan stops allowing those terrorists sanctuary. U.S. taxpayers will provide an astounding $785 million dollars to Pakistan next year, but unless Pakistan partners up with NATO to suppress the Taliban, that money should be withheld. It is not fair to ask the American military to put their lives on the line when the enemy has a protected zone. Back home, we hope the USO and the celebrity community will stop dithering around and begin monthly visits to the troops. Some viewers have pointed out that more American celebrities have visited the tyrant Hugo Chavez in Venezuela than they have visited the troops in Afghanistan. We are working with the USO to correct this problem. Finally, it's the holiday season and most of us will be having fun. But hundreds of thousands of our countrymen are suffering from wounds, fighting in hellholes and sacrificing greatly for our security. We owe them something."

The North Carolina community college system has been ordered to accept students who are illegal aliens, and The Factor welcomed two observers who applauded that decision. "Our country is built on education for all people," said activist Caroline Murray, "and we want to make sure that everyone who is living here has the opportunities that were afforded to our ancestors. It's all about having productive members of society." Immigration attorney Francisco Hernandez added that students are not always responsible for their status. "Most of these folks have been here since they were children, they had no choice of coming here. And most importantly, they and their parents are taxpayers." But The Factor reminded Murray and Hernandez that illegal immigrants broke the law. "Both of you are asking me and my viewers to pay the educational costs for people who shouldn't be here. There is no obligation on the part of the American taxpayer to pick up expenses for people who have snuck in."

In the wake of the murder of Washington Redskins star Sean Taylor, some observers say Taylor's previous gun arrest should not be part of the story. The Factor was joined by ESPN.com columnist Jemele Hill, who urged her fellow journalists to avoid conjecture. "All indications are that there is no link between this tragedy and anything that happened in his past. We have to be very responsible about speculation, and I thought we learned with the Duke lacrosse case what happens when we speculate." The Factor contended that Taylor's arrest history is relevant. "As a reporter I have an obligation to say Mr. Taylor was convicted of a misdemeanor that involved a gun. You have to report that."

The Factor welcomed 24-year old Ingrid Marie Rivera, the newly-crowned Miss Puerto Rico, who claims someone tried to sabotage her by coating her gown and make-up with pepper spray. Rivera explained what happened the night of the pageant. "Right after I used my makeup brush my skin became very irritated, I had a rash, it was swollen, and there was a burning feeling. I was shocked, but I tried to remain calm. The security chief of the organization suggested it was pepper spray." The Factor predicted that Puerto Rico authorities will solve this mystery. "The cops have your gown, and they are going to get to the bottom of this."

As reported previously on The Factor, a Massachusetts bill would forbid parents from spanking their own children. Teresa Whitehurst, who helped write the bill, laid out her rationale. "We want to set a standard that the rest of the country can follow, which is a standard of non-violence. This bill is designed to get parents away from hitting, and we're hoping to get public dialogue going and ask ourselves whether we should be hitting children." The Factor accused Whitehurst and her allies of usurping parental rights. "Every child is different and some children need a swat on the fanny when they run into traffic or touch a hot stove. You're deadly wrong on this, and this is an enormous intrusion into the child-parent relationship."

Dennis Miller began his weekly observations with Al Gore, who appeared at the White House with President Bush, the man he previously accused of lying. "Bush couldn't care less what Al Gore thinks," Miller opined. "Bush owns these guys. When I think of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid and Al Gore, Bush gets the veins in their necks to stick out. But you never see Bush's veins, he just smiles." Miller turned to Republican presidential candidate Fred Thompson, who complained that he has been treated unfairly by some pundits on Fox News. "If Thompson deserves it, guys like Charles Krauthammer and Fred Barnes are going to take him to the barn and give him a whipping. They're going after him because he's running a laconic campaign and he obviously wants out. He has the dental plan from 'Law and Order' and he wants to lay around the house and have the beautiful wife pick nits out of his back hair." Finally, Miller gloated over his correct prediction that the Mark Cuban-financed "Redacted" would be a box office bomb. "I knew it when they said in Variety that it was going to go straight to Betamax. That's how bad it was. And the people in Dallas have really turned on Mark Cuban."

Mary Katharine Ham showed Internet clips of some minor celebrities apparently using drugs. "There's a show on VH1," Ham explained, "called 'Celebrity Rehab,' and part of the show has been leaked to the web. In these clips they're demonstrating what they did while they were on drugs. This is meant to create buzz for the show." Ham also talked about the flood of Internet videos showing people being tasered by cops. "On the Internet, tasing is the new black. If anyone gets tasered, it'll be on line, so police have to make sure they're following the rules." The Factor complained about the lack of privacy. "Any mistake a cop or a celebrity makes and they're on the Internet. Nobody has any privacy, and I think it's terrible."

Wednesday's Patriot: Sears CEO Aylwin Lewis, who is doing everything to make Sears a friendly place for employees who are military veterans. And the Pinhead: Model Heidi Klum, who pretends her breasts are machine guns in an ad for Victoria's Secret.