It's after midnight and I should be in bed because the 6am alarm is not that far away. I can't sleep though. There is so much to do and so much to worry about. There are dogs all over crying out for help. Tonight's urgent nail biter comes via IACC in Indy. As of this morning there were three dogs on the "urgent" list. Two of the three found rescue commitment throughout the day, but one poor dog remained and had until 2am to find a safe place to go. Only rescue people understand the pressure to think that your willingness help to determines the life or death of animal. It's painful. Natalie is a pit mix girl who doesn't seem to like other dogs. Adopting out a dog like that is very challenging which makes finding a rescue to commit to her almost impossible. A frequent foster of ours was also facing serious insomnia and agony over the last remaining dog. She agreed to take Natalie and give her a cushy place to crash until a forever home is found. She is able and willing to keep her away from other animals (thank goodness!).

That solves one problem.

What about the little min pin mix in Georgia? She is 18 months old, has lived her life tied to a tree, and is heartworm positive. She is going to die without a rescue to save her. Here comes that sleeplessness creeping back into my brain. I just can't stand thinking about a dog with so much potential having sch a short life. If we can find foster, we can take her. Oh, but Christmas is this week. What are the chances that someone is willing to take her in with the hustle and bustle of the holidays. We just don't know, but I am going to think about it a lot.

And there are two special guys that have been in our program for more than 6 months who are desperate to have a forever home. The problem with finding them a forever home is that we don't really know what they need or want. They have each tried out homes separately and recently together, but none of the options has been just right. We worry that nothing will come forward for them. They are currently being boarded, but that is a temporary solution, very temporary. We can post, network, send vibes out to the rescue gods, but there are no guarantees. It's a very scary position to be in to not know the answer or have infinite time to figure out what to do.

Then we have a forever foster who is very ill. Clover came to us ill because her owner couldn't afford to properly care for her. We didn't know how truly dire the condition was until she was already ours. It wouldn't have made much difference because we would have taken her anyway. But the reality of her diagnosis hit hard. She is 9 years old and rail. She has such a bad food allergy that EVERYTHING makes her sick. Medications don't help. Nothing is helping. What do we do with her? For her? What will the solution be? Can she be cured? I will think about her all night.

It's not even just worrying about the dogs. I worry a lot about money. We have a lot of forever fosters. The longer we are at this the longer the list of forever placements gets. And with that comes a longer list of animals on the payroll so to speak. I don't mind it, and I realize it's part of the rescue world, but it does provide an additional burden on our brains and hearts. We never want to say we can't help a dog because we can't afford it. We don't want to every say we can't help a dog. Period. However, money makes things happen. Without it, we are helpless and hopeless. We operate in the red. Always. the debt is our own personal debt. We don't have much of a choice, but one day we hope to change that. For now, we worry, we beg, we fundraise and we stress out.

And then there is the worry that we won't have enough time to get everything done. A lot of deadlines loom. We have the daily paperwork and the rush to get things done timely. We want to organize events and help us get the money we need without the constant begging, but that takes time. If we can barely keep our heads above water each day when is the extra time going to sprout so that we can get even more done? It's a constant battle with reality and our dreams, goals, and our mission.

I am tired. I am very tired. I am going to shut down the computer and go to bed. I hope that when I close my eyes I see the good in what we do and not the worry that accompanies it. I hope that when I close my eyes my brain will relax and let me recharge for tomorrow, I hope that when I close my eyes I will fall asleep because it's late and tomorrow is already here.