A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: The Bachelor‘s Racism Lawsuit

Kelly: Hey, GabeGabe: hey kellyGabe: what’s up?Kelly: Oh, you knowKelly: Nothing. Wondering if it’s going to rain today. What’s up with you?Gabe: nothing muchGabe: just sitting hereGabe: wishing someoneGabe: would invent technologyGabe: that we could know whether it would rain or notKelly: HAHKelly: All rightKelly: Good luck with thatGabe: now that we’ve successfully created photorealistic dinosaursGabe: in Jurassic Park III: The Lost WorldGabe: it’s time to turn our technological attentionsGabe: towards the rainGabe: so that you can GET BACK TO WORKKelly: UGH GABE I WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE SMALL TALK YOU ARE SO DIFFICULT

Gabe: if you’ve got time to small talk you’ve got time to cleanKelly: Is that a quote from Downton AbbeyGabe: IN THIS ECONOMYKelly: Well I really wanted to ease you into thisKelly: But The Bachelor, your favorite dating show for white peopleKelly: Is currently the subject of a class-action lawsuitGabe: oh no, is it ok?Gabe: is the show ok?Kelly: I’m sure the show will be fine, don’t worryGabe: ok phewKelly: It’s just in a little bit of hot water right now because there has never been a non-white BachelorGabe: are you sure?Gabe: just kiddingKelly: And two football players are claiming that their interviews to be The Bachelors were not taken as seriously as their white counterpartsGabe: i really hope that these tapes are entered into the public record as evidenceGabe: in the case of Football vs. The BachelorsGabe: i want to see their interviewsGabe: these incredible interviews of two wonderful bachelorsGabe: who were denied finding TRUE LOVE because of the color of their skinKelly: Their chance for a happy life was taken awayGabe: their one and best chanceGabe: i am sure they are right that The Bachelor has some deep racial biasGabe: although i didn’t know you were allowed to sue a TV show for thatGabe: if that were the case, The Bachelor might be a little lower on the listKelly: Right, which really does make the part about their interviewsKelly: And how sure they are that if they were not black they would be in a loving marriage right nowKelly: Really the important part of the whole thingKelly: Not that it isn’t just nice to point out that a show is racistGabe: well, a) i don’t think you can sue a TV show for being racistGabe: and b) if you COULD sue a TV show for being racistGabe: the winning argument isn’t necessarilyGabe: “because if it wasn’t, I would be on it”Gabe: like, if the show wasn’t racist maybe SOMEONE black would be on itGabe: but is it for sure these two?

Kelly: It is certainly a very presumptuous lawsuitGabe: i hope these poor guys put a link to the deadline article about their lawsuitGabe: on their OK Cupid profileGabe: HEY LADIES, CHECK OUT THESE TWO CATCHESGabe: two very cool single dudes full of confidenceGabe: “I like long walks on the beach and frivolous lawsuits.”Kelly: Hahah, awwKelly: Now I feel bad for themKelly: Not because of racists but because they’re lonely :(Gabe: awwwGabe: maybe you should MARRY THEMGabe: just make sure the chapel has wifiGabe: because you used up all your sick daysKelly: Oh sure, I wouldn’t have tried to ask for the day off.Kelly: It needs wifi anyway so you can Skype inKelly: To when I marry two football playersGabe: “how did you three meet?”Gabe: “I read about their lawsuit on the Internet”Gabe: “and looked them up on Orkut”Kelly: “The Bachelor really DOES work.”Kelly: Do you know what they want from this lawsuit?Gabe: to end racial discrimination in America one reality show at a time just kidding?Gabe: they’re suing for a rose, yes?

Gabe: damages: one roseKelly: hahahaGabe: also waitGabe: HOW IS IT TWO PEOPLEGabe: there is only one bachelor anyway?Kelly: That will be a funny predicamentKelly: Once they win the lawsuitGabe: how would the judge decide who to give the rose to?!Kelly: DOY THEY WOULD LISTEN TO THEIR HEARTGabe: just cut the rose in halfGabe: and the true black bachelorGabe: would say not toKelly: Oooh right, that’s good.Kelly: The true Black Bachelor will understandKelly: that winning half of a judge’s rose is not enough for a happy lifeGabe: by the power vested in me by the state of courtroom i now pronounce you the black bachelor. you may kiss the rose.Kelly: Amen

I wonder how this affects the single pharmaceutical rep lady community that got into the business (pharma rep turned Bachelor contestant) *specifically* to meet pro football players in a competition for love. My guess is that the effect is rather negative to the community as a whole. And upon learning that the show has been on the air for 23 seasons (!!), that is actually a rather large community to be affected as such.

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