Keep Hope Alive

And the award goes to…..

I have realized some people are trying so hard to win their very own Grammy.

They are so dramatic and over the top, I am convinced that they think they are going not for the Grammy, but the Oscars. Yes, Big Dreams of Delusion!

Frequently it seems there is something new that they have to tell you about.

From how you need to change something you do because they know how to do it better to how they are superior to you in some way. Or maybe all they did for you and how you owe them because they did something out of “kindness”.

They can charm even the most skeptical for a while into thinking they are ALL that and a bag of chips.

However, over a period of time, you come to see they can’t continue on with their act. Be it manic, alcohol, drugs or just plain crazy they cannot maintain the level of “normalcy” needed to pull off the “act” they are desperately trying to achieve.

These people will tell you, your friends, your family all the things they think they you want to hear. They will promise the moon and stars. Sometimes they even throw in promises of another galaxy to make themselves seem so perfect and worthy of praise.

When they can’t deliver on whatever they’ve promised, they will blame everyone and everything from the pope to tripping over the carpet that was laid 20 years ago. It is Not their fault, they’ve had troubles. They promise the moon this time and somewhat put a band aid on the problems so what happens behind the curtains is not caught on film.

It is at this point when I start watching their performance for what I like to call the “falling apart” part of the plot.

This is when you start noticing the edges of their life seems more frayed that was originally presented. Earlier it was pressed and neat. Everything was “in order” or on its way to being in order. They assure you over and over when you ask them about it. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to see here.

When I read I book, even if it’s awful, I have to read through until the end. Trust me it’s a brutal, self-torture OCD thing I am working to overcome!

Watching these scenes play out is like that.

I know it’s going to end poorly but I can’t help but hold out hope! Hope that this person will see the signs and make different choices.

I won’t read the last pages of a book to find out what happens and it seems in life I tend to hang on to watch the show. Even if you’ve seen the re-runs they try to pass off as new material.

I’ve worked with the mentally ill and with hospice, I have seen some truly weird things, but people who are not “diagnosed” or considered “normal” that act like this fascinate me.

I’ve learned to keep a safe distance so when they flip out, and they will, I hope to not become a casualty of their poor life performance.

I have been caught in the cross hairs and on the fringe and it isn’t pretty.

It can be quite painful if it is someone you truly care about.

But the ones who keep going on and on, the ones you have no choice but to remove yourself from for your own safety, are the ones that scare me a bit more.

Those people keep performing long after the movie is over. They have their own private performance in their minds. Those people can be dangerous.

Those who continue to try and “perfect” their lives by acting outraged someone called them on their B.S. and stood up to them. They call them names and say slanderous things about them. Carrying on and on about how they would never do something so horrible to someone and name off all the “good” things they have done.

Again adding to their resume of “good deeds” to share with another group when this one shuts down their performance due to their lack of acting skills.

I think they need an award for Worst Performance in certain categories of life!

Not to say I myself wouldn’t qualify for a few categories but I don’t think I would win the prize.

The reason is I believe, in my own everyone has one opinion, you have to own up to your bad performances. Admit when you did a shitty job. Take the criticism like an adult, make improvements, even – gasp – apologize when you do harm to others and Mean it.

That deserves a freaking award right there. The courage to admit when you are Wrong and mean it. To make it right however that may be.

But to those who keep on “acting”, I hate to tell you the award season is over!

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One thought on “And the award goes to…..”

Smh. Some of it resonates with me I’ll admit it. I’ve had self pity parties, and tantrums, and I apologize for exposing you to any of them, and I thank you for calling me out when I needed it, everyone needs a good kick in the arse or a big dose of reality sometimes. If one is smart they’ll realize getting called out and being stood up to is often done out of love and concern, never to hurt you. Sugar coating things for people so they can go on with their delusions isn’t doing them any favors in life. No matter what has happened to me in life be it 40 years ago or yesterday, I and only I , am responsible for my behavior, and whether I continue with destructive behavior or makes steps to do better even when the “show” is over.