The 6 Stages of LOST Fans

In the inevitable yet annoyingly predictable debates that ensued after the finale aired last Sunday, I started to notice that most viewers fit rather neatly into general categories. Here, in order, are the 6 stages of being a Lost (un)fan.

Stage 0: These people have never seen it, and/or don’t care. Maybe they’ll queue it on Netflix sometime, or maybe they really only like courtroom dramas, or NCIS, or DWTS, or SATC, or…

Stage 1: These people LOVED season 1… Plane crash, deserted island, scary monster in the jungle… but they may think the hatch button was a little weird. What happened to tromping through the jungle and the island castaway story? No more LOST for these people.

Stage 2: Okay, the hatch was pretty cool. They accept this new direction… up until Nikki and Paulo. And who cares about Jack’s tattoo? What happened to their favorite show? Well, it started good. This group thinks the show should have ended after the first two seasons.

Stage 3: Yeah, a few episodes were off in season 3, but it overall it was great. This Jacob dude sounds pretty intriguing. But WOW things got weird in season 4. Time Travel? Really? Jumped the Dharma Shark! The show has fallen off the wagon.

Stage 4: Season 4 was great, but wow, was season 5 abysmal. These people may think, “wow, I really thought they were going somewhere… what a letdown.”

Stage 5: Time Travel! Nuclear Explosions! The 70’s! Only to come crashing down into a pointless season 6.

Stage 6: Finished it! The best show ever! These people LOVE the finale – a near-perfect way to wrap up the series.

Disgruntled Stage 6: These people watched every episode, just thinking it would get better, but it never did. Why did they waste so much time on this drivel? This group often accuses those who like the show of being delusional. This accusation comes from a deep-rooted place of pain and fear and shame that they had invested so much. Poor souls.

Stage 0. Tried to watch Lost occasionally to see what all the excitement was about. I thought it was convoluted without purpose. And boring. Kind of like a bad dream that you just can’t quite remember in detail but nonetheless leaves you unsettled upon waking. Even watched some of the last episode, but found the newspaper that day more interesting. To each his own I guess.

Yeah, I get that – I know a few people who were probably disappointed with the decidedly spiritual turn things took. I for one am a fan of both quasi-religious mumbo jumbo, and pseudo-scientific mumbo-jumbo, so it worked for me.