Crazy Bitch, Inc.

14 April 2009

(I hope my blog pops up on Google when someone searches for this term...)

Hundreds of thousands (possibly millions) of people saw the episode of Good Morning America last week about Erika Eiffel, the woman who is in love with (and had a commitment ceremony to) the Eiffel Tower. I did not see this episode, but heard about it the next day on The Bert Show. I have tried to remain calm about it. I have tried NOT to judge these people. I have struggled to keep an open mind...but I just can't. Objectum-Sexuality is a load of crap. I don't know anything about these people other than the fact that they love inanimate objects, so much that they consider them their husbands, wives, life partners, etc. Some people are suggesting that objectum-sexuality is a new sexual orientation, just like homosexuality or heterosexuality. Erika Eiffel, in her interview with Bizarre Magazine said, "Simply put... OS, is an orientation just as hetero and homo sexuality are orientations of one's innate sexuality. Replacing the term hetero with object will most accurately describe Objectum-sexuality. But my personal definition is to be emotionally and physically attracted to objects."

When asked, "Could an Objectum-Sexual also find a human being physically attractive, or indeed have a relationship with one?" Eiffel responded, I can find a person aesthetically attractive, but more than that... the answer is no. I just do not feelanything more than friendship with people. I tried to have mainstream relations with people in the years that I rejected my OS because of societal pressure... but each time was a failure and caused me much pain." Sounds to me like a sexual orientation right? She's tried to be "normal" by society's standards but failed miserably. Now she is happy and healthy with her husband, the Eiffel Tower.

Lets go into the psychopathology of objectum-sexuality. Is it a fetish? No. A fetish is a psychosexual disorder in which a person cannot achieve orgasm without the presence of their fetish object (feet, latex, whips, chains, food...) It causes significant distress in their sexual functioning because they cannot have normal sexual relationships with other people. Is it a paraphilia? (Sexual arousal in response to sexual objects or situations which may interfere with the capacity for reciprocal affectionate sexual activity. OR: Any of a group of sexual fantasies, urges and behaviors that are considered deviant with respect to cultural norms) Examples include, masochism, sadism, (until the 70's, homosexuality), transvestitism, and pedophilia. With the exception of pedophilia, all of these things can be completely healthy and cause no negative effect. It is only truly considered a paraphilia if it causes significant distress for the person experiencing it. So if a person likes to be tied up and whipped, that's fine as long as it doesn't interfere with their ability to function normally. So is objectum-sexuality a paraphilia? No.

The question burning in all our minds is, are these people crazy? Certifiable, ought to be locked in an institution, danger to themselves crazy? Probably not. A little touched in the head? Much more than a little...Yes, I am making snap judgments. No, I do not care. One therapists experience shows that many people who identify as objectum-sexuals have autism or Aspberger's syndrome. That certainly explains these people's lack of connection with other people. Some have been sexually abused. Which would also explain some things. But as for Erika Eiffel, she neither suffers from autism nor was she sexually abused as a child.

Because of her love for objects, she became a world-class archer, and an officer in the air force. Consequently, it also caused her to be medically discharged from the air force. So has it negatively affected her life? Yes and no. Does it cause her distress? No. Does she feel that it negatively affects her sexual functioning? No. Is being objectum-sexual causing any danger to herself or others? No. So does she have a psychosexual disorder? The answer is debatable. Most would say yes, but when you break down the criteria, the ultimate answer is no. Psychological disorders are a matter of personal experience.

Educational opinion aside...THESE PEOPLE ARE RIDICULOUS! It is shit like this that is going to prevent LGBTQ Americans from being able to marry our partners and have equal rights under the law. This is the exact argument that people use against us. "If we let gays marry, then people will want to marry their dogs, little kids, and hell...even their cars!" WHAT THE FUCK? I am furious at all the publicity these whack-jobs are getting. Yes I believe we should be accepting or at least tolerant of other people's lifestyles..but this is crossing the line. These people are tearing down any progress that the LGBTQ community has made! This is bullshit!

16 October 2008

**similar post also on www.thelesbianlifestyle.com**(And..."Closer" BY NIN is the sexiest song ever)

Now I know why men are always thinking about sex. It's because they have a dick in their pants. Quite frankly, it's hard not to! Yesterday was my first time packing in public and OMG it was awesome! I've wanted to try it since the wife and I bought our strap on about a year and a half ago. I was just too shy to do it or to even voice my desire to do it. Now that I have done it, I don't know why I waited so long.

Yesterday, the wife and I went to Target in search of a jock strap. I am dressing in drag as a vampire for Halloween. I want to make it as real as possible...so obviously I need to fill out my jeans. :D We didn't find a jock strap (which I now know wouldn't have worked) so we bought mens briefs instead. When we got home, I strapped everything on and played around with it for about an hour before figuring out how to position the dildo so it didn't look like I had a raging hard on. I'm using our dildo, a blue cyberskin one, instead of a packing dildo. It's soft enough to bend into place and if the opportunity presents itself, I'm ready to go. I wore it to work last night and even in women's jeans it isn't *too* noticeable. If you're looking for it, yeah, you can tell something is awry, but to the casual onlooker I look like a regular, vagina only, dyke.

At first I felt awkward wearing it. But at least I was at home. I walked around the house, sat down, stood up, tried on 4 pairs of jeans and by the time I had to leave for work, I felt pretty comfortable with everything. So I decided to try it in public. It was truly an exhilarating feeling. I felt at once powerful and sexy, confident and liberated. I wondered why I'd waited so long to do it. No one noticed (except an old woman on the train because I was standing in front of her and my package was at eye level). It was my little (well..not little) secret. It didn't feel weird or foreign. It just felt like it belonged there. Which is odd because I very much enjoy being a woman and all that it entails. It was a rather uneventful evening. Until I got home.

After dinner, the wife and I were watching the debate and snuggling on the couch. Every few minutes she would grab my boob and then, almost timidly, grab or fondle my ...(I'm still trying to decide what term I want to use. I think I'm leaning toward cock) and then she'd giggle. Feeling her grab it through my jeans sent little shivers through my body and each time she did it, my grin kept getting bigger. By the end of the debate (and the post-debate discussion), I was ready to push her to the floor and fuck her brains out. (But...being women...it's *that time of the month* for both of us). So we had to settle for making out and heavy petting.

I felt more aggressive. But I was still too shy to act on it. That's something I need to work on. Maybe packing more often will boost my confidence in the bedroom, too. Our make out session ended with heavy dry humping and me having an orgasm (or three...). It was HOT. The wife, who doesn't like to be touched "down there" while on her period was left extremely frustrated. Of course I feel bad...but she'll get hers soon.

This is something that I'm going to continue to explore. Yesterday was successful, so this morning I decided to do it again. Every time it moves I'm reminded that it's there. My pussy is on fire! I can't wait until I get home to the wife. >:D I'm also currently working on a story. I'll post it when I'm finished.

06 April 2008

To the left, you see a girlie pink vibrator with flowers on it--but believe me, it is so much more than that, friends. A generic website description:

"Say it with flowers. Doc Johnson presents Flowers. A technological wonder covered in terrifically sensual floral shapes. Flowers Swirl Daisy is great for those late ? when he is unavailable- nights when you?re in need of a soft touch and a hard orgasm. Features include:a multi-speed dial controller, a fully waterproof casing, and is cased in soft, non-toxic TPE. Flowers, only from Doc Johnson it's the perfect size, the perfect shape, and the perfect shimmer. Flowers Swirl Daisy stands 8 inches with an insertable length of 6 inches and a circumference of 5 inches."

More than once during our trial, the wife said, "I approve." We bought it tonight because our other one broke a few weeks ago. It was an innocent trip to Starship, during which, we saw a very straight looking Hispanic man come in and buy a 3 foot long, 18 inch circumference dildo. It made us laugh...a lot.

Once home, after ice cream, we put the vibe to the test. It has a swirl pattern up the length of it and little raised daisies all over it (for good sensations inside). Did it pass, you ask? YES! Over all, I give it an A+ (and the coolest thing about it is not the color, or the raised little daisies on it, its the iPod-esque dial).

31 October 2007

Tonight I learned that female cats are called queens. Why should cats get such a regal name when dogs are called bitches? Anyway...

What my wife and I just did was out of dire exasperation. My cat, Little Bit, has been in heat for over a week now. Yowling, writhing on the floor like a wanton slut, pissing everywhere...it's been hell. In a class the wife took last semester, we learned that cats don't ovulate without sexual stimulation (neither do camels). One way to stimulate a cat is to use a q-tip. The dry, rough q-tip is probably gentler than a male cat's barbed penis. (People on camel trains do this to camels using their fists...) At first, we thought that the idea ws disgusting. But now we know how horrible it is to have a cat in heat running around the house.

Tonight, we fucked the cat with q-tip. It was violent...it stank. She scratched the hell out of my arms and stomach. It took us three tries. Now she's docile. We don't know if it worked. For now, the yowling has ceased. Beasley, the neutered male, started licking the wife's arm unabashedly for about 5 minutes. We think he smelled whatever it was that stank and liked it. I'm horrified...grossed out...and appalled by our actions. But damn it was funny...

Equipment:1 cat in heat1 Q-tip Procedure:Grab wailing, squirming cat and place it on your lap with its hind quarters readily accessible. Chances are the cat will freely offer them, if not the first time this procedure is followed, then certainly each time afterward.Insert the Q-tip into the cat's vagina. It will be exposed and puffy. Do not insert the Q-tip into the other orifice. Either way the cat will begin to scream, but there is a subtle and audible difference in the scream of satisfaction and the scream of rectal pain. Experiment a little until you can distinguish the two.Move the Q-tip in and out of the cat's vagina slowly at first, then more rapidly. No need to be gentle, no matter what you do with the Q-tip it beats a barbedcat penis digging around in there.You are finished when the cat is finished. You will know when the cat is finished because it will either begin immediately to have a cat orgasm, or it will run away with the Q-tip sticking out of its ass. If this happens let it enjoy itself for a few minutes before attempting to retrieve your Q-tip.That is it, you are done. Enjoy the peace and quiet until the cat flares up again. What to look for: The cat orgasm that follows this procedure is something the likes of which I have never seen elsewhere. It is a wriggling, leaping, moaning dance of ecstasy that defies any experience of pleasure my mind can even begin to grasp. If humans had orgasms with the intensity of a cat serviced in this way there would be no such thing as war, hunger, capitalism or God. Background: A cat in heat is, with few exceptions, one of the most irritating things to have living in your home. A cat in heat will follow you around and howl at you in a bone chilling, hideous wail until you are ready just to toss it outside and let it get pounded by the local tom's. After a few days of this torture having to drown a few kittens sounds relaxing. This cat-saving technique was first demonstrated to me by a terminally un-squeemish roomate of years past. We didn't see any signs of an intense orgasm...she just ran away and started bathing herself. Now she's hiding behind the couch. If I'd just been fucked by a q-tip (or something similarly painful for a human) I'd hide behind the couch too...and shut up yowling, lest I be molested again.

03 September 2007

We just got cable two weeks ago and our housemate made sure we had Logo. The wife and I have been watching *a lot* of Logo. While watching, I learned that And Tango Makes Three by Peter Parnell and Justin Richardson is the number 1 most challenged book in the country. I read the book on Saturday night at a small bookstore in Decatur. It was an absolutely adorable story. It actually made me a little teary eyed because it was so cute. So, why is this book challenged? Why do parents want it banned? Because the book is a true story about two male penguins, Roy and Silo at the New York City Zoo who fell in love. The zookeeper gives them an egg that another couple could not care for (because it is difficult, or impossible for penguin couples to care for more than one egg at a time). The two penguins incubate the egg, and act just like a male/female couple would. When the egg hatches, the zookeeper names it Tango "because it takes two to tango." It is challenged because it "promotes homosexuality." I did a quick search on the title and found this website that does not agree with the book's message and think that it should be taken off the shelves.

All the other things I found were either rave reviews or news articles. Steve Walden's opinion is perfectly valid, but much like I'm sure his toilet does, it stinks. When there is a book about a mom and a dad who have a baby, be it humans or animals, there is no controversy. Stories like that promote heterosexuality. Steve Walden said,

"We later found out that our 6 year-old had already read it. We spent an hour undoing the damage and it ruined not just storytime but the whole evening. My 6 year-old readily understood that the book was wrong. In fact, he knew when he read the book that it was talking nonsense and that it wasn’t right. My daughter was unnerved to discover that same-sex couples, apparently in all species, can adopt children"

Damage? Nonsense? It's scientific fact that homosexuality is normal in the animal kingdom. Yes, animals mate primarily for procreation, but it doesn't always happen that way. The book was written to teach tolerance, not to push a pro-homosexual agenda. He was appalled that the book pushes sex education on his young children. Does he honestly think his kids won't see homosexuals before middle school when it's appropriate for sex ed? What about the kids with two mommies or two daddies? I'm sure it's a relief for those children to see a book like Tango. He goes on to say,

"It attempts to normalize something clearly abnormal. Penguins, like all other creatures, mate primarily for procreation. The fact that the keeper had to steal an egg from another couple to make a “family” shows that same-sex couples by themselves do not have what nature requires for them to conceive and bear children...this book has been insidiously and deceitfully placed in libraries across America to re-educate young children to accept all families as valid, whether they have two mommies, two daddies, three daddies or three mommies and two daddies. It is deceptively normal and intentionally aimed at children whose primary concern should be Legos and dolls. They push the debate on homosexuality into the kindergarten when the only debate children that age should be forced to decide is crust or no crust on their sandwiches. I am appalled that Simon and Schuster thinks my children are ready for sex. And I am angry that they chose such a backhanded method to pump someone’s agenda."

First, the book doesn't mention sex at all, it talks about "boy penguins" and "girl penguins" becoming couples and about Roy and Silo being in love and incubating a rock before the zookeeper gives them an abandoned egg. It in no way pushes sex on kids. It isn't a backhanded way to push homosexuality on children. I realize Steve Walden is just a closed-minded person who is raising his children to be have the same bigoted ideals as he does. It just irks me that such a cute children's book is so challenged. I think we need more books like Tango to help teach tolerance to kids today.

And what about heterosexual couples who can't have children because of infertility or some other reason? It's just as unnatural for those couples to have children as it would be for the wife and I to have kids.

10 July 2007

On June 22, 2007 at 8:00pm in Atlanta's Magnolia Hall at Piedmont Park I married my best friend, my heart and soul...my whole world. It was a mass ceremony with all kinds of couples from pierced and tattooed kids to older, wiser women and men. There were deaf people, loud and obnoxious people, people holding each other, continuous kissing, huge smiles and lots of love in the room. Though it was short and sweet, I can't imagine it any other way. Her roommate and parents came and took a thousand pictures (I still can't decide which one is my favorite). Afterwards, we ate at Mick's downtown...then there was the honeymoon :DShe worked for a week and a half to orchestrate a surprise for me. I had an idea what it was but I was shocked when it actually came down to it. She blindfolded me and drove me downtown from her dorm room. She walked me through the lobby and up to our room at the Glenn Hotel. Inside, she'd lit tea light candles and spread rose petals in a trail from the door to the bed. It was the most beautiful, romantic thing I've ever experienced. We stayed there Friday and Saturday night. It ended way too soon.

Now we're as happy as ever, perfect newlyweds. I can't imagine being any happier than I am now.

16 March 2007

I was reading my newsfeeds on Bloglines and came across an article about Google Image Ripper. Instead of only seeing thumbnails of the images you want, it compiles all the images in full-size on one page. The writer of the article searched for "finger" and this is one of the pictures it found. Nice, huh?

I expect shit like this from celebrities, teenagers, etc...but not the President of the US! I despise the guy...his speeches are ridiculous (bushisms anyone?), his foreign policy, educational policies and everything else to do with his time in office BLOWS. But with this picture, the man has dropped to a new low.

04 March 2007

Approximately 1% of the United States population uses physical self-injury as a way of dealing with overwhelming feelings or situations, often using it to speak when no words will come. Despite the fact that self-injury is far from rare, myths and misunderstanding surround this psychological ailment -- mistaken ideas that often result in self-harmers being treated badly by police, doctors, therapists, and emergency room personnel.

In response to society's mistaken ideas about self-harm, the American Self-Harm Information Clearinghouse was created to educate and inform medical and mental health professionals, the media, and the general public, sorting myth from fact and explaining what is known about self-harm. One of ASHIC's (American Self Harm Information Clearing House) major projects is National Self-Injury Awareness Day. In this grassroots effort, people across the country and the world whose lives have been affected by self-injury deliver fact sheets, reports, and brochures to those who make decisions about the treatment of those who self-harm. (Taken from http://www.selfinjury.org/nsiad/)

The first NSIAD was March 1, 2002. Many people continue to recognize it each year by wearing an orange ribbon or wrist band. As a self-injurer, I am impressed with this -- an organization seeking to educate people about self harm. Most people think it is similar to suicide attempt and that all self-injurers are suicidal. That is not the case. And, most self-injurers, when suicidal, are asked what their plan is, it doesn't involve cutting at all. Another misconception is that it's only for attention. For some that is the truth, but for most of us, it isn't. It is a cry for help, yes, but also a way of expressing pain that we cannot otherwise express. It is a coping mechanism (albeit a bad one). It is an addictive behavior just like alcoholism or drugs.

The misconception that angers me the most is saying that piercing and tattoos are self-injury. Self-injurers do not cut to show people. It is done in secret and we work very hard to hide it from the world. Piercings and tattoos are meant to be shown off. They are meant to make a statement. I have three tattoos and my tongue pierced. It is a completely different experience than when I cut.

That said, As of March 1, I have not self-injured in 7 months and 1 day. (As of this post, 7 months and 4 days--and still counting!) It has been a long hard road and the struggle is not over yet. I will be battling this for the rest of my life. Some days are harder than others, but because of my family and my friends, I have been able to overcome the urge to do it on many occasions.

12 February 2007

So as everyone in the world knows, Anna Nicole Smith is dead. Tragic, I know. The woman was under an outrageous amount of stress with her son dying, the new baby, legal battles over who the baby's father is...losing 70 pounds in 3 months taking her from 224 to 130 (at 5'11" that's WAY under weight!). They had live coverage on CNN for about 6 hours the day it happened...also on all the Atlanta radio stations. But, I was able to find some humor in the situation. I realize this makes me a horrible person--but I really don't care.

My family and I were watching CNN and The Situation Room with Jack Cafferty and Wolf Blitzer came on. In the beginning they were still showing coverage of Anna Nicole Smith. Then, Jack made the best news blunder (that I'm pretty sure was on purpose) by asking, "So is um...Anna Nicole Smith still dead, Wolf?"

Wolf Blitzer responded by saying something to the effect of "Yes Jack. Uh, we're going to update our viewers shortly." Jack Cafferty's smart ass remark made VH1's Best Week Ever. I thought it was hilarious. My mother, on the other hand, thought it was despicable and wrong and everything else negative in the world. It's sad that she couldn't find the humor in it. Lots of people on You Tube and Google Video are appalled at the remark. I'm upset by this.

Anna Nicole Smith spent the last year of her life making appearances and sounding completely trashed at press conferences. What the hell? It is tragic that she died. I bet Trimspa is going to lose a lot of business (HAH!). And...the saddest thing at all is that she won't be remembered for being a playboy playmate or a Marilyn Monroe look-a-like, she'll be remembered for drunkenly slurring, "Trimspa, Baby!" all over the world.

Here is the video of Jack Cafferty making the "is she still dead" statement.