Reach Out And Touch Someone

HAND JOB, FINGERING AND MUTUAL MASTURBATION TECHNIQUES

Dr. Sari Locker

Hand Job: How to Give Him a Good Orgasm with Your Hand

He's been doing it to himself since he was 13, but somehow, putting himself in someone else's hands turns him on a little more. It's the hand job. Often at the beginning of a relationship, hand jobs are part of a couple's routine before they've had intercourse. However, once the sexual relationship progresses, hand jobs usually go by the wayside. It seems that people think of intercourse as "the real thing" and a hand job as a cheap substitution. But the truth is that giving a great hand job is as real as anything. And it can feel so amazing!

Whether it's your first time seeing his penis, or whether you've been having sex for years and you're lending a hand to add some variety to your sex life, hand jobs are great for many reasons. You can give them almost anytime and anywhere, from your living room sofa to behind his desk at the office, to a movie theater (cover his lap with a jacket) an airplane (cover his lap with a blanket.) You don't even have to take off your clothes to do it. You can also kiss and talk while you're at it. And more good news: hand jobs fall into the category of safe sex. If you want to lend a hand, get familiar with the following figure, and keep these tips in mind:

Hand Job Tips

Ask him to show you what he likes. Put your hand over his, and ask him to start you off. That way, you'll get an idea of the amount of pressure and the rhythm he likes, and how long his strokes are.

Be gentle. Pretend you are firmly petting a soft kitten, not grabbing a big hard beam of steel.

Know his domain. You can go from the very base of his penis all the way to the head. Let him teach you what parts he likes to have touched the most.

Use lubrication. Remember: the lotion helps the motion. I recommend Astroglide. You can also try K-Y Jelly or Liquid, or dozens of other store-bought lubes. Otherwise, go for the lube that you always have around—your saliva.

Get the basic motion. The basic motion is sliding your hand up and down from the base of the penis to the ridge at the head of the penis.

Settle into a rhythm. When you get into a rhythm, keep it up. It's the motion that gives him the stimulation; a continuous rhythm will bring him to orgasm.

Apply steady pressure. Some men like more pressure at the head of their penis during a hand job. Others like more pressure at the base. Ask your man what he likes. Once you're giving the amount of pressure he requires, keep it up until the moment of his orgasm.

Use both hands. Some men like it when their partner holds one hand at the base of his penis, then uses the other to go up and down the shaft. You can also move up and down with one hand, and then just rub the head of his penis with the palm of the other hand. Or you can fondle and grasp his testicles with one hand while you go up and down with the other hand. Or you can stroke around his anus. Or you can use the other hand to touch his chest, thighs, or anywhere on his body.

Get into it and get turned on. It's okay if you want to masturbate yourself at the same time. Pleasuring yourself while you're giving him a hand job can be twice the turn-on.

Ease up and clean up. When he's having his orgasm, keep the rhythm, but use less pressure. You can either let him ejaculate on his own body, on your body, on a piece of clothing, on the sheets, or on a tissue or rag. You're in charge, so it's your call. Sometimes the head of the penis becomes very sensitive immediately after orgasm. If that happens to your man, then gently let go as soon as he's reached orgasm.

Fingering: Bring Her to Orgasm With Your Hand

Instead of just using a finger as a dipstick to see if a woman is wet enough to have intercourse, her partner can have a great time (and give her immense pleasure!) by sticking around down there, and giving her an orgasm by hand. When a woman knows how to give herself an orgasm from masturbating, she should be able to enjoy it when her partner brings her to orgasm from manual stimulation. Manually stimulating a woman doesn't mean that her partner just rubs her clitoris. There's much more to it than that. The following tips will help you bring a woman to orgasm using your hand.

"Handy Tips" for Bringing Her to Orgasm

Get help from her. Ask her what she likes, or put your hand over hers while she shows you what she likes. She should show you how much and where she likes to be touched so you can do the same.

Wet is best. If she's not very wet, use a lubricant. Or dip your finger into her vagina and use some of her natural lubrication.

Use a circular motion to touch the clitoris. Gently rub the tip of one or two of your fingers around and over her clitoris, using a circular motion.

Be careful with the sensitive clitoris. Don't put too much pressure on the clitoris. Many women do not like continuous direct stimulation of their clitoris, because it is too sensitive. Rub on top of the clitoral hood (the skin that covers the clitoris), or around the clitoris.

Rub around the vagina and labia. Rub with one or two of your fingers up and down the opening between her labia, on her labia, and around her vagina.

Slip a finger or two into her vagina. Some women like to have their vaginas penetrated with one or more fingers. A woman might like it when you rub the upper, inner wall of her vagina; where the mysterious G-spot is located.

Stimulate the vagina and clitoris at the same time. Use one or two fingers to stimulate around her clitoris in a circular motion, while you move a finger or two in and out of her vagina.

Kiss her and touch her all over. While your hands are busy down below, kiss her mouth, or anywhere on her body. When you have a free hand, rub, stroke, touch, fondle her inner thighs, nipples, breasts, buttocks, anus, or anywhere on her body that is sensitive and erotic to her.

Keep up the rhythm. When she's on the verge of orgasm, keep a steady rhythm going on the place where she is most sensitive: around her clitoris.

Stop after her orgasm, unless she wants more. Many women's clitorises become very sensitive after orgasm, so they might want you to stop touching right away. But you should ask her about this. Because for some women, have one orgasm just makes them want to have another orgasms right away. In that case, don't stop—please, don't stop!

When you know how to give a woman an orgasm with your hand, it can be very satisfying to both of you. It can also come in handy during intercourse, when her partner can reach down and touch her clitoris during penetration to help her more easily have an orgasm.

Mutual Masturbation: Would You Like a Hand With That?

Mutual masturbation is when partners simultaneously stimulate each other's genitals with their hands. It allows both partners to get sexual pleasure at the same time. While your partner's touch is exciting you, it stimulates you to try to turn your partner on with your touch. You are each getting and giving pleasure at the same time. When you are both masturbating each other, you can kiss, fondle each other's bodies, and talk to each other. During this sex act, couples most often face each other, so it's a bit like voyeurism and exhibitionism: You can get turned on from seeing your partner get turned on by your touch.

Mutual masturbation is also fun for couples who want to try to have orgasms at the same time. Often people have more control over when they are going to have an orgasm from manual stimulation than from intercourse or oral sex. They can slow down or speed up more easily. Sometime that feeling of helping your lover climax when you are about to also can make you feel closer together, and more in sync than even having intercourse. Incidentally, there are no rules about only touching your partner during mutual masturbation. You can take over your own territory and masturbate yourself if it's easier for you to have an orgasm that way. Then you'll both be sure to have orgasms, and maybe even at the same time.

Another plus to mutual masturbation is that you get familiar with how your partner responds to your touch. You gain knowledge of your partner's body and orgasms, while sharing an amazing sexual experience. What could be better than a mutually satisfying sex life?

Copyright (c) Sari Locker, 2008.

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This is an excerpt from Sari Locker's book The Complete Idiot's Guide to Amazing Sex, and it may not be reproduced.