Archive for the ‘Letters’ Category

I notice that your doing all those updats and my cat PuffMuffin didnt make the kut. I don’t think thats fair you should post all the cats you get including mine. PuffMufin is really cute and she is so mean when she chases her stuffd mouse and is mean to the fish when she stars at them.

Sincerely,
Disapoinned

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Dear Dissed,

As it says on the website in various places, the management reserves the right to edit text as we see fit AND ignore any submissions whose pictures are poor quality or whose stories of supposed meanness are lacking. We also reserve the right to LEAVE IN all the typos you make and/or mock your non-mean kitties. We also also reserve the right to be really inconsistent…just like cats. There’s a reason why the moniker of “meankitty” suits us so well!

How many times do I have to tell you — you’re not a vampire, you’re Caspar the Dumbly Ghost? Can’t you even get your fake movie matinee creatures straight? I have been wondering if maybe you’re the ghost of Morris, because we haven’t seen him around in a while. Come on, fess up!

Note: This email was actually received by us. See if you can tell which parts we “revised”!!
Note the 2nd: We did not add the first mention of ferrets.

Dear Meankitty,

I’ve been looking over your “Mean Kitty” gallery, and from the descriptions of the cats it’s possible that most of them are either in chronic pain, lashing out because of it, and need veterinary care; were terribly abused when younger, and need to be treated differently than if they had had normal upbringing — again, a vet should be consulted for that; or are simply being treated in a way no self-respecting cat (or human being, for that matter) would like blah blah, and are trying to tell the human beings who treat them with disrespect to have better manners.

The blah blah remainder are very similar to cats (and ferrets) I’ve actually known to whom idiots gave psychedelic drugs when they were kittens, something which blah blah blah, at that stage of a cat’s life, permanently deranges their nervous systems, and may need antipsychotic medication — otherwise they can’t help but be paranoid at all times, frightened of everyone and everything, on an emotional roller-coaster that never stops. Cats (and ferrets) aren’t mean for no reason, any more than human beings are blah. There are always reasons, and if these people do love their cats, they really need blah blah to research the problems they’re describing here. I’d be glad to provide what information I can for each class of problems, but I’m not a professional vet, and they really ought to turn to vets as well as to the many good books on the subject for the best information for this. Blah blah.

I have a feeling that many of these people expect their cats to act like dogs blah blah blah, and treat them as if they were dogs, or gerbils, or hamsters, or blah blah blah blah blah, or whatever non-feline animal it may be, and that just doesn’t work with cats, any more than it would, say, a ferret. Or they see them as animated stuffed toys, appliances there for the owner’s convenience rather than individuals in their own blah blah blah right, with souls, spirits, and blah minds of their own. If so, they really should not have a cat. A cat is as much an individual as any human being or, for that matter, ferret, and, like a human being (or ferret), very much resents being taken for granted, and treated as if it were not a sentient, sapient being (or ferret) with its own emotional and spiritual as well as physical needs. A good veterinarian (or ferret) can make this clearer.

But the gist of it is that some people just aren’t meant to have cats (or ferrets) blah blah blah ferrets blah blah. Maybe dogs are better for them and they for dogs, say, or maybe some other type of pet. People should have the types of pets they can empathize with, whom they can see as people — albeit non-human people — in their own right, and I have a feeling some of these nice people whose cats are portrayed here just aren’t able to empathize very well with their cats blah blah blah, blah.

Blah blah blah dogs want us to be pack-leaders, and live to obey us. Cats (and ferrets) want true I-thou blah blah blah relationships with us, in which they are seen by us blah as emotional and spiritual peers, blah blah. True, they don’t have the keys to the car blah blah and couldn’t use them if they did (though ferrets could), but the same blah blah blah blah is true of a quadriplegic. Think of blah blah blah Sir Stephen Hawking, the world-renowned blah cosmologist and physicist (and ferret), who has been completely paralyzed for many years save for the one finger he can move to type blah blah blah and thus communicate with others (and ferrets). Trapped in a body that doesn’t work any more, blah blah blah, he has been able to change the whole universe for us (and ferrets) as no one since Einstein has, blah blah blah blah.

Obviously his body doesn’t have much to say about what he is blah blah blah blah blah blah blah spiritually and emotionally! The same is true of cats (and ferrets). Their spirits and souls are as blah blah blah big as those of Sir Stephen. When we don’t acknowledge that, they really resent that blah blah blah — and they also, understandably, become afraid of us, because if we don’t see them as intelligent beings in their own right, we are very likely to mistreat them (and ferrets), and they know that blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah meow blah blah. Fear makes beings lash out at whoever and whatever they fear (and ferrets) — hence the “meanness” of those “mean” kitties blah blah meow meow blah blah. They aren’t congenitally meow blah blah meow bad — they are chronically insulted, outraged, and fearful (like ferrets). Or they are permanently stoned meeeeeeow blaaaaaaah because some moron gave them blah blah LSD as kittens, or they are in chronic agony because of internal blah blah blah blah injuries that haven’t been properly treated (by ferrets).

One way or another, the cats (and ferrets) aren’t the only ones with attitude problems blah blah blah blah — and the attitude “problems” they have are, in most cases, at least, highly reasonable reactions to what they justifiably perceive as ill-treatment of one sort or another. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah meow bark bark hiss poo poo blah blah blah. Maybe they just get tired of bad manners on our part. Or they could be reacting to the very real, physical pain somebody puts them in picking them up the wrong way blah blah blah blah blah blah mewwwwwwwwow blah, aggravating old injuries (made by ferrets). Or they may need blah blah blah blah antipsychotic medication to control a condition (like ferret rash) they really can’t help and aren’t responsible for blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah meow.

Note: This email was sort of in response to the Yahoo Notifications we send out periodically when we update the site. We don’t send them often!

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Dear Meankitty,

REMOVE ME FROM THIS LIST IMMEDIATELY!
I HAVE ASKED BEFORE>
I DO NOT LIKE YOUR SPIN ON THINGS.
REMOVE ME FROM THIS LIST IMMEDIATELY!
I HAVE ASKED BEFORE>
I DO NOT LIKE YOUR SPIN ON THINGS>
REMOVE ME FROM THIS LIST IMMEDIATELY!
I HAVE ASKED BEFORE>
I DO NOT LIKE YOUR SPIN ON THINGS>
REMOVE ME FROM THIS LIST IMMEDIATELY!
I HAVE ASKED BEFORE>
I DO NOT LIKE YOUR SPIN ON THINGS>
REMOVE ME FROM THIS LIST IMMEDIATELY!
I HAVE ASKED BEFORE>
I DO NOT LIKE YOUR SPIN ON THINGS>
REMOVE ME FROM THIS LIST IMMEDIATELY!
I HAVE ASKED BEFORE>
I DO NOT LIKE YOUR SPIN ON THINGS>
REMOVE ME FROM THIS LIST IMMEDIATELY!
I HAVE ASKED BEFORE>
I DO NOT LIKE YOUR SPIN ON THINGS>
REMOVE ME FROM THIS LIST IMMEDIATELY!
I HAVE ASKED BEFORE>
I DO NOT LIKE YOUR SPIN ON THINGS>
REMOVE ME FROM THIS LIST IMMEDIATELY!
I HAVE ASKED BEFORE>
I DO NOT LIKE YOUR SPIN ON THINGS>

Signed,
Hating-You

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Dear All Slaves Who Cannot Follow Instructions,

The way to rid yourself of my periodic emails is written plainly at the bottom of every email I send out. To wit: “To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: meankitty-unsubscribe at yahoogroups.com.” If you hit reply to the emails that come to you, this WILL NOT get you removed from the list, unless you ask real nice, which, oddly enough, people rarely do. It may, however, get your email posted on this page for the delectation of the meankitty-loving masses!

I just had to email you about your site on mean kitties. I am still laughing my butt off! This is one of the most enjoyable sites I have ever seen. My best to you, great job on this page…

Sincerely,
Jenny

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Dear Jenny,

Sorry to hear about your butt. Butts are a sad thing to lose, as we cats know (see previous letter). Did it slide down your legs or just make a mess in your computer chair? Our butts are much smaller so it leaves something that looks like a hairball before growing back. And you thought it was just cat fur!

Oh, blush. Yes, you figured me out, I’m that Morris. That yellow eyed, yellow haired hunk with the long whiskers on television. Don’t believe the rumors that “Morris” was actually female or fixed. I’m living proof it’s not true. Would you like a signed promotional photo? How about an on-site visit? I could be on your site before you even blinked, though I know you’re quite good at the staring-and-not-blinking game, so really that gives me plenty of time.

Sincerely,
Morris

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Dear Morris,

You know, they don’t even run that commercial any more because contemporary lady cats–we aren’t impressed by mere looks. We like a man-cat to have something additional, something extra, some kitty bling. Tops are an obedient slave, a fierce way with dogs, a private patch of ‘nip, and a personal scratching post the size of a couch. You’d have had more luck telling me you had your picture posted on the Cat Chow calendar or the 365 Cats A Day desk calendar. Get outta here!

About Us

Meankitty's been online since 1999 or thereabouts. Srsly.

A note about comments. We screen. For various reasons, we've opted to keep the site something that approximates PG-13. Spam and vitriol will be deleted and quite possibly held up for public ridicule. But don't let that stop the rest of you from commenting!

How can a cat be online? Typing Slave, aka Jody Wallace, maintains the website for Meankitty, who sadly lacks opposable thumbs.