Majority of Paralympians ‘fit enough for work’, claims Work and Pensions Secretary

Workshy Paralympians face cuts to their disability benefits under tight new proposals from Work and Pensions Secretary, Damian Green.

Green says he will target inspirational athletes with a broad spectrum of disabilities who ‘take the benefits system for all they can get’.

“No one is more proud of our Paralympians than I am”, he told us.

“However, if you can compete in the 2000 metres steeplechase with a prosthetic limb, chances are you can get on a bus and make it down to the Job Centre.

“Yesterday, I saw a so-called partially sighted archer hit a bullseye from a distance of fifty metres. Are you telling me that person needs a guide dog?”

Green is keen to target a ‘small minority’ who see the Paralympics as a free lunch or high-energy carbohydrate drink.

He added, “The lesson for scroungers is that if you are fit enough to propel yourself around in a modified go-kart, relying solely on the power of your upper arms, then you’re well enough to train as a bricklayer who specialises in low-level walls.