Amanda Byerly focuses on Reality TV recaps for All About The Tea. Amanda is a 30-year-old wife, mother and self-proclaimed Bravo TV junkie. When she’s not watching Bravo, she’s writing about it, reading about it, or listening to podcasts about it. “I get by with a little help from Bravo TV.”

Welcome to the first-ever The Real Housewives of Atlanta virtual reunion for the Housewives franchise! Picture the entire cast of The Real Housewives of Atlanta attending a Zoom meeting to air out their grievances from the show’s past season whilst showing off their all-white LEWKS and head to toe glam in tiny little squares no bigger than the ones the Brady Bunch filled their heads in during the opening credits of their popular sixties sitcom. Now picture Andy Cohen strategically utilizing the mute button, a virtual walk-off and a threat for a virtual a** kicking and you’ve now set the scene for Bravo’s first-ever virtual reunion. Let’s get started!

Part one of the reunion is off to a rocky start when right out of the gate, Kenya Moore, makes a shady comment about Porsha Williams wearing a tiara with her reunion look. “I guess if you can’t earn one you buy it,” Kenya sneers. I suppose the same could be said about her marriage to Marc Daly… but I digress. Porsha, however, takes the comment in stride by responding, “Well it’s not dusty. I can tell you that.”

Host Andy Cohen wastes no time and immediately starts virtually peppering the ladies with all of the hard-hitting questions us viewers are dying to know the answers to. Up first: Kenya and her fake marriage to Marc Daly.

Kenya Moore maintains that she and estranged husband, Marc Daly, are working on their relationship, seeing a counselor together (virtually), and even says that Marc has made “a complete 360.” Hmm… I’m gonna guess that’s a Freudian slip. Kenya, take notes: if your Rent-A-Husband has changed his behavior entirely the correct degree of rotation you’re looking for is 180. You’re welcome.

When Andy asks about the blatant disrespect she received from Marc Daly and why she chose not to stick up for herself in many of this season’s scenes, she says when it comes to people she loves, she’s not a fighter in that way. Hmm… okay, KEN.

Next, the infamous phone conversation between NeNe Leakes and Wendy Williams comes up. When asked if she regrets making the comment that Kenya didn’t use her own egg to conceive baby Brooklyn, Nene sticks to her guns. “I won’t be apologizing. PERIOD.” As far as NeNe is concerned Kenya has made just as many terrible comments about her including the accusation that NeNe is bipolar.

Evano-story line Marcille can’t help but stick her nose in it, when she interrupts, referring to Nene’s comments as “disgusting.” The two spar back and forth as Eva makes her best attempts and demonstrating her relevancy while referencing her time on America’s Next Top Model. Nene shuts Eva Marcille all the way down, however, when she reminds her that no one cares about her or her being on the red carpet 17 years ago. “That was the last time you was on top,” she adds. Nene then delivers the line that results in her and Eva both being muted by Andy when she refers to Eva as a bottom feeder saying, “You were licking bottoms to stay on top.” Something tells me Andy is going to figure out a way to implement the mute button into the in-person reunions too…

Andy Cohen eventually unmutes the ladies, just in the nick of time for the dreadful “F” word to rear it’s ugly head… finances. Eva breaks her America’s Next Top Model posing faces as she comes unglued at the mere mention of it. Eva is all too eager to let everyone know that she has a house now but Porsha quickly reminds her that they all have houses. Big woop. Who cares? Eva tries to use the excuse that they’re all older than her and that’s why she’s late to the homeowners’ party but Porsha points out that Eva’s not exactly a spring chicken. Eva quips back that Porsha’s an “aged hen.” Porsha, however, wins the round hands down when she refers to Eva’s breasts saying, “Girl, them titties is aged hens. They social distancing. Bitch don’t come for me.” OOF. Andy was NOT playing when he called this reunion “The Shady Bunch.”

Next up, Kenya Moore pulls out what appears to be a signed and sealed copy of her marriage license to Marc. NeNe is adamant that she doesn’t care either way if Kenya is legally married to Marc or not. Apparently, Cynthia Snoozefest Bailey thinks this is the perfect time to insert herself into the drama and accuses Nene of implying that her relationship with Mike was fake. Eva, once again, can’t help but pile on and suddenly it’s off to the races for Nene and Eva round two.

NeNe Leakes appears to have had enough of Eva’s mouth when she commits the first-ever virtual walk-off during a housewives reunion. Instead of shutting the computer the whole way down, she simply closes the laptop screen. Andy takes the moment to call a break and probably spends the entire break trying to coax NeNe to rejoin the group, virtually of course. NeNe does eventually return. The reason for storming off- “I needed to pee and change my tampon,” she says. Well, of course.

Now, for the meat of the episode. Porsha vs Eva. Eva’s low-down dirty comments about Porsha’s c-section and precious baby PJ comes up and the gloves come OFF. Porsha minces no words when she calls Eva a “raggedy-ass hoe” and a “bottom barrel bitch.” Porsha vows that she will never, ever forgive Eva for speaking on her child.

Eva Marcille makes a half-hearted attempt to defend her comments saying that she didn’t mean it as a read to baby PJ, just a read to Porsha. Even Andy steps in and says, “Eva it doesn’t sound great. If you’re reading her and you say it as part of the read it doesn’t sound great.” Eva doubles down when she says yet again, “She does look like Dennis with a bow. Where’s the lie???” This is the part where Porsha tells Eva to STFU and threatens to kick Eva’s ass virtually. YIKES. Maybe this virtual reunion was actually a divine intervention to keep Porsha out of jail.

Fortunately, Bravo saved the juiciest part for last when Porsha reveals that she has text message receipts from Kenya dogging Cynthia out this season when they were supposed to be friends. According to Porsha, Kenya vows to “get Cynthia’s ass.” Of course Cynthia refuses to believe it so Andy asks that Porsha screenshot the text messages to him. “No problem,” Porsha says as she eagerly gets to work sending over the receipts.

Will Cynthia finally come to her senses and see Kenya for what she truly is? Tune in next week for part two of the virtual reunion!