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On November 25, 1984, Bob Geldof, frontman of the Boomtown
Rats, and Midge Ure, lead singer of Ultravox, assembled over thirty of
Britain’s leading rock and pop music talents, including Sting, George Michael,
and members of Duran Duran, Culture Club, and U2, at Sarn Studios in London to form
a supergroup known as Band Aid and record a Christmas-themed single, “Do They
Know It’s Christmas?”, the proceeds of which would be used to help relieve the
crippling famine in Ethiopia. Yep, you’re right: “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” is a terrible song (for what it’s worth,Geldof calls it one of the “worst songs in history”). The criticisms levied
against it—that the lyrics are clunky, that the expressed sentiments are smug
and condescending—are valid. You know what? It doesn’t matter. I love it to bits.
Those involved with the project participated out of a genuine passion for it,
and while the end result might be dreadful, it sure is sincere. For the purposes of this holiday-themed Duranalysis,…

In the holiday spirit of giving, I bring you the crappiest Man From U.N.C.L.E. episode ever made.

Oh, sure, a case for that honor can be made in favor of a handful
of other episodes, but for my money, this wan, schmaltzy, tedious, bizarre offering
is as terrible as this (mostly wonderful) show ever gets. Yeah, I’ve seen the
episode where Napoleon dances the Watusi with a gorilla, and yeah, it’s pretty awful.
This is worse.
Fun historical tidbit: Back in early 1966, when U.N.C.L.E. was on the rise and teen
girls everywhere were in the wild grip of Illya-mania, David McCallum was
scheduled to sign autographs at the flagship Macy’s department store in
Manhattan. The store could safely accommodate three thousand fans; fifteen
thousand showed up. When the appearance was canceled due to security concerns, the fans stampeded, causing massive damage to the store and necessitating the arrival of the riot police. As it turns out, though, this would prove to be
only the second-most catastrophic…

In 2002, Nick Rhodes collaborated with Stephen Duffy, lead
singer of The Lilac Time and one of the co-founders of Duran Duran, on an
album, Dark Circles, which they
released under the name The Devils. Dark
Circles was mostly comprised of music Nick and Stephen had written together
back in 1978 shortly after forming Duran Duran; for an added layer of
authenticity, Nick used era-appropriate vintage analog synthesizers on the
album to recreate Duran’s 1978 sound. Dark Circles is
pretty consistently great. Hell, “Big Store” probably makes my top ten list of
favorite Duran songs, even though the band never actually recorded it (Stephen recorded a version in 1979 with his post-Duran band, The Subterranean Hawks). For the
purposes of this Duranalysis, I’m focusing on The Devils’ half-hour electronic press kit, which was produced by Stephen and edited by Gary Oldknow, visual
artist and frequent Duran Duran collaborator (Oldknow, you’ll recall, came up
with the concept for the violent and awes…

On the sidewalk outside the tailor shop that serves as the secret
entrance to U.N.C.L.E. headquarters, a well-dressed elderly English gentleman (George
Sanders) collides with Illya. The man drops his briefcase, scattering papers
everywhere. Amid profuse apologies, Illya helps him gather up his things before
the man rushes off to catch his bus.
Upon realizing the man left behind a book, Illya chases
after the bus. He seems unaware it’s a classic London double-decker bus, which
is not a typical sight in midtown Manhattan. Oh, Illya. Where are your spy
instincts, babe? Didn’t U.N.C.L.E. train you to notice anomalies and proceed
with caution? Anyway, Illya jumps on the bus and returns the book. The elderly
man thanks him, then insists they’ve met before: “Don't you remember the trek
out to the desert? All that mucky heat and the crawling insects boring into
your skin? ... I wore a beard in those days.” As it starts to dawn on Illya
that maybe, just maybe, he’s waltzed right into a t…

I’ve been paying a lot of extra attention to Simon and Nick
in recent Duranalyses. Since I don’t want Andy and John to feel neglected*, this
week I’m taking a look at the Power Station, the supergroup John and Andy formed
in 1984 with singer Robert Palmer and drummer Tony Thompson of Chic; Chic
bassist Bernard Edwards produced the band’s self-titled 1985 album, which scored
two monster hit singles with “Some Like It Hot” and a cover of T. Rex’s “Get It
On (Bang a Gong)”.
*I’ve probably paid even less attention to Roger than to
Andy and John, but I feel confident Roger prefers it that way, thank you very
much.
I’d intended to focus on the videos for “Some Like It Hot”
and “Get It On (Bang a Gong)”, both of which were directed by Peter Heath, but…
well, the videos are fine, but
there’s not much there to Duranalyze. Of the two major Duran Duran side
projects, Arcadia clearly came up with the more interesting and visually strikin…

Somewhere in the French countryside, Napoleon and Illya spy
from the bushes as an arms dealer named Voegler (Frank Marth) delivers missile
parts to Robespierre (Ronald Long), a politician who claims to be a direct
descendent of his namesake, the famed revolutionary leader. Upon the conclusion
of the transaction, Illya and Napoleon trail Voegler back to Robespierre’s
lavish castle. They’re interrupted by Raoul Dubois, an elderly gentleman who
approaches them in a panic and forces them at gunpoint to help him escape from
Robespierre.
Armed thugs on motorcycles pursue them. At Raoul’s desperate
urging, Ilya and Napoleon drive him to his home, where they’re greeted by his
beautiful daughter, Albert (Mala Powers), who is named for Raoul’s idol, Albert
Einstein.
Raoul, who has been missing for three months, claims he was
kidnapped by Robespierre and, along with other captured scientists, forced to
work on a guided missile system. Raoul escaped to warn France of a diabolical
threat. Before…

Let’s take a look at this forty-minute
behind-the-scenes featurette, which was included with some deluxe editions of
Duran Duran’s 2007 Red Carpet Massacre
album. Misfortune plagued the album from the beginning; for starters, Andy left the band for the
second (and presumably final) time under acrimonious circumstances during the recording
sessions. The remaining band members were pushed by their label, Sony Music, to
work with a slew of different producers, including Timbaland, Justin
Timberlake, and Nate “Danja” Hills, to give the album a more contemporary
R&B feel. Upon release, the album was a critical and commercial failure;
shortly thereafter, Sony dropped Duran Duran from the label. None of that glum backstory makes
its way into this relentlessly cheery featurette, which shadows the band
throughout the recording sessions, the filming of the “Falling Down” video, and
all the pre-launch festivities. Andy does not appear anywhere in this, nor is…

I’ve put it off as long as I reasonably could, but I knew
someday I’d have to address the grim wreckage of The Man From U.N.C.L.E.’s dank and dismal fourth season. Today is
that day.
Conventional wisdom would have it that U.N.C.L.E.’s third season, in which the sparkling whimsy that was
the hallmark of earlier episodes often veered closer to goofy slapstick, represents
the show’s nadir. The ratings took a dive, so the show’s fourth and final
season was retooled to lose all the light-hearted charm. A new producer was
brought in, and most of the staff writers were replaced by newcomers. The show tried
to become darker and more serious, with catastrophic results. Season Three,
while deeply flawed, still bursts at the seams with the gonzo energy that made
the early seasons so delightful. By comparison, Season Four seems listless and
sloppy. “The Gurnius Affair” is probably one of the season’s stronger offerings—at
the least, it features a rip-roaring story idea at its core—and even still…

Writer. Publisher and owner of Luft Books. An Angeleno adrift in New York City, I've got a BFA in screenwriting from USC's film school, a fiendish love of pop culture, and a Duran Duran lyric for every occasion. Reach me on Twitter or at me_richter(at)yahoo(dot)com.

ACTIVE POSTS

I haven't written one of these in a few years, so some explanation might be in order before diving in. Despite the flippant title, the Strange Sick Sad Career mantle is bestowed only upon actors I genuinely like, such as Jonny Lee Miller and Michael Rosenbaum and Ioan Gruffudd… and, now, Thomas Gibson, who is freaking amazing in his role as ultra-grim FBI unit chief Aaron Hotchner on the CBS crime procedural Criminal Minds. How amazing? Consider this: I voted for Gibson with a clear conscience when he went head-to-head against Fringe's magnificent John Noble in Entertainment Weekly's Under-Appreciated Entertainer of 2010 poll, an honor Gibson went on to win.

So… what’s strange or sick or sad about Gibson’s career? Fair question. After all, he’s spent thirteen of the past sixteen years starring in well-received prime-time network television shows (three seasons on Chicago Hope, five on Dharma and Greg, and he’s presently well into his sixth on Criminal Minds), which …

No U.N.C.L.E. recap this week due to a combination of an overpacked agenda and general inertia, but have no fear:

a) I'll post a new recap early next week, and:
b) it's just going to be that stupid third-season episode where Illya dresses up as the Abominable Snowman for absolutely no good reason, so you're not missing all that much.

This is the backdoor pilot for the short-lived spinoff series, The Girl From U.N.C.L.E., and man oh man, it is terrible.

Illya, dressed in a fancy ruffled tuxedo, poses as an advertising executive and loiters around a swanky party for Caresse Cosmetics, which is in the process of choosing Miss Moonglow, the new face of the company. The party is teeming with pretty ladies; Caresse’s cofounder, Jean Caresse (Mary Carver, the mom from Simon & Simon), asks Illya for his opinion as to which one should represent her company. “Personally, I would prefer a woman of accomplishment,” Illya says. This bit of straightforward common sense alarms Jean, who is a seasoned THRUSH agent. Jumping into action, she grabs a henchwoman and alerts her to her suspicions that a cute blond U.N.C.L.E. agent has crashed their party. Illya snoops around and ends up captured by Jean’s evil brother, Arthur (Kevin McCarthy).