i hate it even more if it’s smthg pple jst expects you to do because of your job

i hate it when there’s non-stop noise

it doesn’t feel like music to your ears anymore when it’s loud and continuous. so what if it’s quiet.
there’s nothing wrong with silence.

i hate being afraid of making decisions

how can i not be, when pple jst hurt me for the things that i choose to do or be

sometimes, i really want to be alone

only want to share the happy things with pple
only want to keep the painful things inside
because it makes me feel btter when nobody really knows the ugly stories tht i hide
the intricate complexities of my pain tht no one really gets

once in a while i do spell it out
because i want people to back away

because it’s easier

sometimes it’s tiring when you’re constantly explaining yourself to the entire world

i get so tired

i only want to do the things tht i need for me and for the pple that i need.

i read smthg today.
a lot to think about.
needed to sort out my thoughts.

1. it’s not okay to blame pple whn u were the one not painting a realistic & clear picture of wht they should do by when. & when i say “when” i mean a REALISTIC “when”. not a date tht is jst ur preference. or worse, benchmarking/comparing based on othr pple’s date when they are clearly doing smthg different, which u might not truly realize bcause of ur pre-existing assumptions.

2. if u want to make things btter & faster u can do so by specifying how, or intervene in a proper manner. if u don’t then u might be able to somehow increase efficiency short-term, but u will downgrade passion, meticulousness, and morale long-term. bcause pple would want it to be done fast enough to fulfil ur expectations but they wouldn’t hav d time to care if it’s done right.

3. smtimes u can manage/ ensure the work is done by allocating & specifying realistic load & time period for everyone to stick to. psychological attack/pressuring is unnecessary. evn without that, pple wil stil be working on their tasks if it has been assigned to them earlier & realistically, while knowing wht the allocated time is.

4. there are some things which u have no jurisdiction over. u cannot control everything.

so here i am again. i wrote a bunch of stuff but i dont know why ths phone doesnt autosave my content on wp. so i’m jst gonna summarize my life updates in 1 week.

-my contract’s almost over. they offered a few thngs so that i stay & extend my contract but i don’t want to

-i got a different offer frm anothr prty & i’ve accepted.

-i opened d necessary account ysterday & went for my medical checkup but there was a problm with 1 of my rsults. so no i’m in d middle of waiting fr d 2nd results aftr a retest this morning.

-i am even more clear of d reasons why i dont want to stay on my current job no matter d “salary revision” that they’re offering. bcause i feel like my heart & soul is slowly being wiped out d longer i stay. i cant live like this. forced to not care about the things that i care about. whatever. i’m leaving anyway. can’t wait to tell them fr d 3rd time (bcause the prvious times pple keep trying to change my mind but whatever. it’s not like that’s ever gonna work).

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~ CrystaLight _ He♥rts ~

..you're the closest to heaven, that i'll ever be..

~♥ ..(first post published on 11.7.09).. ♥~

i think that diligence, commitment, and righteousness are commendable traits which aren't entirely impossible. i think chivalry isn't dead (at least not yet), and great efforts and thoughtfulness are good qualities which deserve at least a considerable amount of attention (so that they wouldn't be the last you see).

i feel that everyone is blessed with enough thinking capacity to function as well towards another.

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all photos in this blog are from me except for the images seen below (in the "images~" sidebar). photos which are not sourced from me are normally specified/credited when used in this blog. photos are mostly in their original form and has not been adjusted or edited for effects.

credits for d profile picture / avatar goes to its original owner (sorry i couldn't find you and identify you. but i love your pic so thank you).