As I gave advice to my friend on her brother and his wife’s needs over the phone Sunday afternoon, I was taken back to that place where nothing from anyone was a comfort or help.

The scariest moment. When 10 people rushed into a triage room with me, and looked at some monitors and made me get in a fetal position on my left side and put an oxygen mask on me. Hands down the worst moment of my life. I had just arrived by ambulance 20 minutes prior from our neighborhood hospital that only has a Level II NICU. My husband hadn’t yet been allowed to join me. When I think about that moment one year later, I still get nauseous.

The new preemie mama and daddy that were made today had twin girls at 33+6. The first baby came naturally, but an emergency c-section was needed for the second. Please keep this new NICU family in your prayers. I hope their little ladies are feeder/growers and home soon! And all my best to the mama as she heals.

Ironically, this friend and her husband were our support the night I was admitted. They came to the hospital to support my husband through a night where the slightest movement from me would make baby’s heartbeat coming through the monitor fade away. They are wonderful, beautiful people and I am so sorry prematurity has touched their family almost 1 year to the day after they stayed up all night with us.

Today we have mystery rash. It is becoming a pattern with Drake that if he has a well visit scheduled something weird is bound to come up.

First it was a swollen down there area before his 4 month. Then he had a random bout of pink eye two weeks ago. And now….mystery rash. No fever though.

This is all from a 30 weeker that I am still keeping mostly isolated. Imagine if I actually had him out in the world. What I really want to know is how long it will be before I stop blaming myself everytime he’s ill. Maybe that’s just a mommy thing not a preemie mommy thing…

Today is my best friend’s birthday. She left us for heaven during Christmas 2008. Leaving behind her two beautiful girls. It was sudden and I miss her so much. Happy 35th birthday, my angel friend. We met at age 15 at band camp. I wish I had her to talk to about this stuff in person. 🙂