Beautiful People (2008)

This glittering and hilarious series delves inside Simon's youthful memories and his desire to escape suburban Reading and live amongst the "beautiful people" - from his perspective as a window dresser in a New York department store.
Surrounded by dreams of the big and all the beautiful people that go with it, 13-year-old Simon (Luke Ward-Wilkinson) can't open a fridge door without belting out a show tune.
But such behaviour will always fall flat on a family even more eccentric than Simon's latest attempts to be fabulous. The Britain of 1997 might be changing, but the Doonan clan remain consistently nuts.

While at Kylie's, Simon steals one of Reba's dresses and tries it on back at home. Ashlene takes a Polaroid photo of him wearing it and threatens to show it to everyone unless he styles her hair to look like Heather Small's. Debbie finds the dress in the bin, assumes Reba is having an affair with Andy, and fights her in the street. Simon reveals that he took the dress. Debbie tries to quit drinking alcohol but starts again when Andy tells her she is boring when she is sober. Simon sees supposedly-vegan Hayley eating a burger and threatens to tell everyone. To keep him quiet, she gives him £30, which he spends on a vase that he has had his eye on for a long time.

2

How I Got My Nose

Simon Doonan now living in New York, remembers the time auditioning for the school play led to his mother being arrested for assault and the re-enactment of a famous horror film.

3

How I Got My Beads

Simon remembers his mother's experiments with the occult and his grandmother's return from a mental hospital, which saw her change rather radically from the nicest granny in the world. Featuring conjoined twins and a bingo caller.

4

How I Got My Posh

Birthdays have never been easy for Simon, especially when the whole school finds out what he really really wants. Meanwhile Ashlene meets a flasher and Aunty Hayley feels loved and a whole lot more.

5

How I Got My Tongs

A trip to the hairdresser and a fabulous pair of shimmering golden hair tongs prompts Simon's decision to turn Kylie into Princess Diana.

6

How I Got My Globe

A new teacher arrives at school who really may be one of the Beautiful People. Can this really be true? Simon and Kylie finally try to leave Reading for ultra glamorous London. In New York older Simon gets homesick.

Episode

Description

1

How I Got My Groom

Simon returns to Reading and recalls a school project that led to him unearthing a terrible secret about his parents' marriage and his sister revealing some devastating news.

2

How I Got My Plumes

Debbie's millinery choices lead Simon to recall his visit to the 1998 Eurovision Song Contest, a very odd dinner with his parents' gaybours (gay neighbours) and a meeting with Dana International in a disabled toilet. Warning: contains euro-pop.

3

How I Got My Water Feature

98 Ground Force is at its height and Simon feels a desperate need for a water feature. Meanwhile, the women of Melody Crescent feel a desperate need to 'sloshercise' with hunky training instructor Tiger. Elaine Paige makes a stunning appearance in Simon's imagination. Warning: contains showtunes.

4

How I Got My Camp

The Doonans plan a holiday abroad but a plumbing disaster spoils everything. Meanwhile across the road, Kylie's father meets his match in the form of a snarling dog called Madonna. Warning: contains Bette Midler impersonations and a replica Eiffel Tower.

5

How I Got My Turner

The Doonans go deep into the world of Brit Art when they meet rabble rouser Stacey Bile near the Kate Winslet memorial roundabout. This leads to several road accidents, imminent birth, blind ladies driving cars and the Turner Prize. Meanwhile, Aunty Hayley has set herself up as a telephone astrologer with one rather obsessive client, guest star .

6

How I Got My Gash

Simon is plagued by school bullies and decides to leave home to be with The Beautiful People. But as usual, nothing goes according to plan. Debbie, convinced that she's destined for stardom, becomes the talk of Melody Crescent. As our favourite characters converge in the front room for Debbie's TV premiere, three questions remain: will Kylie ever get out of the closet? Who is Puff Daddy's daddy? And will Simon meet his match?