Tall Chicks, Getting the Dudes and the Cows

May 5, 2010

Depressed about your obvious pores, your cellulite-bedaubed thighs, your stringy locks or the growing suspicion that you’re totally gonna need Botox in five three years? Take heart in the fact that you don’t live in the Sudan, where if you’re a petite gal like myself, you would merit a mere pittance in cow-cash.

The Mundari tribe smiles more upon tall women than on short ones. A father may love his diminutive daughters, but affection does not bring longhorns and riches.

The reasoning behind this, apparently, is that tall girls have tall babies, who will grow faster and can get married sooner, being tall and all, leading to even more cattle payments for the lucky papa. Which is sorta like New York guys liking models, right?

“A tall girl can command 60 to 100 cattle from a suitor. A short girl may get 20 head, and, sometimes, short girls overstay their welcome in the father’s home and end up fetching only five cattle. By then, a tall girl has already borne five children.”

Of course, things aren’t all hunky-dory for the menfolk, either. Pity the unfortunate suitor who doesn’t have any cattle: He’ll remain single for life. Unlike a pudgy New York City bartender with credit card debt, who will do just fine, thank you very much, with ladies of short, tall, and medium varieties. Why? Because he can.

At least short girls in New York fit in their tiny apartments better. And there’s no dearth of height-challenged dudes to choose from, either, even if they would rather date models.