How to Talk to Your Partner about Budgeting (without Upsetting Them!)

Money can be an odd thing especially when you place it between to people in a romantic relationship.

You probably know a few couples that fight over money whenever it comes around while others may have just have the other "deal with it". A healthy, long-term relationship goes beyond the puppy dog stages of just going out and having fun - it's now serious and this means the individuals need to act like mature adults.

One big aspect of maturity, in a healthy relationship, is being able to talk about finances because, after all, you may be in for the long-haul together and the only way you can achieve the big wins is through cooperation and being a team.

Unfortunately, some people get extremely upset or reclusive when talking about finances. In fact, it's all too common to see a significant other become upset by the mere suggestion of creating a budget. Talking about money is one of the top issues divorced people point to when thinking back to their former marriages.

Here's how to approach the situation:

1. Sit down and have a real talk about goals and desires

Take a while to sit down and talk about goals and desires (much like when first getting together). Determine what would be the biggest accomplishments between both parties and find where each other sees the relationship may be going in order to align the budget to these lofty goals.

If you want to take a vacation each year and your partner doesn't, that's a big budget issue worth discussing. If you want to buy a house in 5 years and need to save, you should be on the same page.

2. Take turns to compromise on spending limits and savings

Go back and forth with positive suggestions and criticism about each other's ideas about expenses, savings, and achieving common goals. Relationships take some sacrifice but it's likely that both parties can come to a consensus on how to achieve everything they want by balancing the books.

In the end, there's only so much money and it's important that you understand that compromises work both ways. It's important for both of you to know what each other is sacrificing for the common good.

Save and print out the PDF report, take the time to re-evaluate goals, desires, and compromises now that there is a greater, real-world understanding of finances. Jump back into the tool and use the financial calculator to make a few adjustments and see how it changes your situation.

The key is that this should give you a good roadmap for continuing the discussion using the resources of a third party.

4. Set the budget

The budget can be in any form that makes sense to one another:

Spreadsheet

Written on a whiteboard

In the checkbook

The best budget is one that is easily updated so keep it as simple (but flexible) as it needs to be; ensure that it accounts for the little expenses, emergency fund, and savings after paying the important bills and investments like 401k's and retirement savings.

The budget should take no more than an hour to produce and just a few minutes throughout the week to update.

There will be no fights, shouting, or throwing of items. No one goes reclusive and no one gets defensive. The budget is formed without upsetting each other. That's how it should work out.