I’ve been freaking out in excitement about the new Timberwolves logo for a while now. This was our chance to really rebrand ourselves as a cool franchise, which isn’t easy for a team whose solution to a decade long playoff drought was signing a team full of white dudes with dad bods. So after a year or more of waiting, the logo that will define us for potentially decades to come is here. And after all the build-up and tension and anticipation it is…fine.

It’s just fine.

Like, nobody’s mad. But nobody’s happy. We are the Foo Fighters of basketball teams. Just pleasantly middle of the road. Why swing for the fences when you can just redo the alternate logo and hope that nobody notices? If the new jerseys end up being those cursed Muskies ones from the team nobody actually remembers I’m going to be pissed.

Let’s talk about the pros & cons of the logo:

PROS

The A is stylized to look like a Nordic rune, which will certainly help us sign every Icelandic free agent on the market this summer. Let’s hope Bjork can ball.

Police blue will probably keep JR Rider away.

The wolf’s eyes make it look like it’s possessed by the Seattle Seahawks, which I think means we’ll win a championship in 2014.

CONS

The “Timberwolves” writing doesn’t fit evenly with the “Minnesota” part and it’s driving me crazy. We should have changed our name to the Minnesota Teen Wolves. It would have fit better and we would all be naturally great at basketball until we decided to win on our own merits through the bonds of friendship with the fat kid from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.

The green star kind of looks like a plutonium butthole. Wait, this was supposed to be in the PROS section.

Now that I realized the green star is a butthole, why is the wolf’s nose green too? Keep your nose where we can see it, Shep, you dirty old bastard!

It could have been worse. We could have ended up with a 1970s, clown-shoed, proto-Mumford & Sons meth addict:

Or the beer shits from this can of Milwaukee’s Best Light:

Or this Rubik’s cube made by Dan Issel on an Apple IIC after a long night at the disco:

Or this banana boner:

Jesus, Denver…get it together!

Next up we play the non-banana-boner Rockets in Houston and then that’s IT for the season. Stay tuned for periodic playoff/draft/trade updates during the summer and the inevitable “I SWEAR we’re going to be good this year” post. (Don’t underestimate Bjork’s crossover.)