a woman, her daughter, and a great wide world

Posts Tagged ‘career’

It’s pretty ironic, really, that I have been spending hours online messing with things like websites, social networking, and decoding twitter-speak and it has left me with no time to blog here. At my first bloggy site of love. (Can I tell you how much it pleases me that that sentence resembles “love at first sight” and yet frustrates me that I couldn’t edit it to make it a more recognizable pun?)

After declaring, on my thirtieth birthday no less, a year of just me, no DOing, I went and got doing.

I been doing a lot lately.

No, not in the sack. You all have one track minds.

Here are my latest adventures. They keep me up late. I can’t keep my mind off of them. I am excited beyond belief. I am terrified to my core:

PictureBook Plays has gotten a complete overhaul after its last publisher turn-down. The task was immense and still ongoing.

GAN-e-meed Theatre Projecthas been launched to the online public and is now in the process of a bloggy face-lift. Next step…press releases. (fine print: we need to raise 32K by April 2010 so please email me and then send me a check)

I have been accepted to present a workshop at NAEYC in DC this fall. Apparently, it’s not easy to get a workshop accepted so this is a huge honor and a big step in my career.

Once on stage, I was perfectly fine–indeed, I was glory incarnate. But, getting there, that was another story.

So, slowly but surely, I left acting behind. I focused on teaching, on administration, on directing, on producing. But I still find myself missing being an actress. I find myself missing what I could have been.

I stare at bios, pictures, and websites of the women and men I know who have continued to live their bohemian actor lives and a knot rises in my chest.

I wish I was that. I wish I could have been that simply because I was good at it. I could have been something. Actually, I was something. I was talented. Now, the thought of auditioning leaves me shaking in my boots.

In the darkest, smallest room in my heart, there is a promise to myself that I will act full-time again, when I’m fifty. I will retire early and go back to the theatre. And then I will play the great roles. But, for now, it is a dream lost to life, time, circumstances, and choices.