McCaffery: Continuing a trend, a look ahead to Philly sports in 2014

Michael Carter-Williams, left, makes his move against New Orleans’ Jrue Holiday, right, during the second quarter of a game in November at the Wells Fargo Center. Carter-Williams, the rookie point guard, will be in for the Sixers in 2014. (AP Photo/Chris Szagola)

In compliance with international column-crafting regulations, it is time for the sometimes-annual, altogether subjective and borderline ridiculous declaration of what you will be permitted to enjoy in the next 365 days, and what you should be hesitant to admit that you do.

Best presented by magazines dedicated to photographing un-made-up starlets, the what’s-in-what’s-out list is a standard that will be around long after twerking is something that old people used to do.

It’s infallible. Usually. One hitch came in 2012, when futurists warned that the Earth itself would be out, and that Pluto, if memory serves, would be the velvet-rope planet. Hey, it happens.

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Well, 2013 is over, and exactly as forecast here 365 days ago, Florida-Gulf Coast did win both of its NCAA Tournament games in Philadelphia, Mantei Te’o’s girlfriend wasn’t real and Lower Merion beat Chester for the state basketball championship.

And, hey, who among we, the Illuminati, didn’t see that whole Nick Foles movement developing?

So here it goes, along with some other vital insights — the in-out-hot-not-up-down requirement for Philadelphia sports in 2014:

Now: Michael Carter-Williams. Then: Jrue Holiday.

In: Roberto Hernandez. So, in too: Fausto Carmona.

Yes: Josh Harris’ basketball team. No: Josh Harris’ hockey team.

Trending: The Eagles’ running game. Descending: The West Coast offense.

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Please don’t consider this a dismissal of what is about to happen Sunday in Dallas. Rather, accept it as an appreciation of the greatest advance in sports marketing since Ladies Day at a 1960s baseball game.

Without protest from fans who would have howled had any other sport been so accommodating, eight NFL teams are still contending in Week 17 for a (you should pardon the expression) championship. Um. OK. So by night’s end, there will be eight champions in a 32-team league, each having outlasted three (3) also-rans.

This is party time, people.

By rule, a full 25 percent of NFL players will end every regular season with their index fingers hoisted, indicating that they are No. 1 of 4. And if some 2013 division races are settled by tiebreakers, it’s possible that 12 of the 32 NFL teams can declare by this Monday morning that no one in their division had a better regular-season record. So there.

Ah, but it was bound to happen once the everybody-gets-a-trophy generation grew to ticket-buying age. And to think that boxing is criticized for awarding too many over-accessorized belts.

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Hot stone massages … I don’t get it.

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Bumping: The Eagles’ defense. Slumping: The Sixers’ defense.

Up: Craig Berube. Down: Peter Laviolette.

Hot: Tommy Gamble. Not: Ruben Amaro Jr.

There: Ryne Sandberg. Square: Rich Dubee.

In: Sam Hinkie. Out: Adam Aaron.

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The Cleveland Cavaliers are about to give up on Andrew Bynum, whom, it is being alleged, has been less than the perfect teammate.

No. Really?

Who could have predicted that in any in-or-out sports forecast?

Well, at least the Cavs are about to acknowledge their blunder, minimize their financial losses and refuse to allow Bynum to further corrupt their on-court operation. The Sixers never could generate such discipline.

For reasons stemming from Doug Collins’ life-long compassion for injured players to the team’s utter humiliation for having disassembled a playoff unit to fit him in, the Sixers allowed Bynum and his bowling, flamenco dancing and general indifference to so damage their product that it needed to be bulldozed and rebuilt.

And just remember, not all sports reconstruction projects succeed.

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The man: Chip Kelly. The myth: That guy who used to have his job.

Hot: Eagles tickets. Not: Phillies tickets.

Get it: Ben Revere. Don’t get it: Carlos Ruiz.

Still in: Bernard Hopkins. Next: Danny Garcia.

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OK, here they are, so stop the clamoring. They are the official forecasts for Philadelphia’s five major-league franchises for the next calendar year.

• The Flyers will roll into the playoffs and win a round, whereupon their coach will call one of his players the best in the world. Then they won’t score another goal.

• The Sixers will win the No. 1 draft pick in the lottery … but will resist presenting him at a Constitution Center pep rally.

• The Phillies will make the playoffs. Sandberg will be Manager of the Year, Ryan Howard the Comeback Player of the Year.

• The Eagles will win their second consecutive NFC East “championship” on their way to a Super Bowl in early 2015. (And if you must know whether they will win, well, check next year’s predictions column.)

• The Union will use such a strong start to a playoff season that they will finally squeeze themselves into everyday Philadelphia sports conversation.

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Buy: Brett Brown. Sell: Domonic Brown.

Sizzling: DJax. Fizzling: JRoll.

Peaking: Jake Voracek. Leaking: Scott Hartnell.

Not going anywhere: Ed Snider. Gone: Peter Luukko.

Count on: Jack McInerney. Don’t count on: Marlon Byrd.

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Yes, there he was, Mike Krzyzewski, Coach K his own self, on a radio talk show Saturday morning, explaining how the United States has returned to dominance in international basketball.

Let’s go multiple choice.

Did he conclude: That the USA had the best players; that the USA had the best coaching staff; that the USA had the best system for developing players; or that (every-body-clap-your-hands) “we were able to have a culture change for USA Basketball”?

Exactly.

Yes, once that culture was changed, Trinidad and Tobago never stood a chance against LeBron James. Because in sports any more, the first side to change the culture wins.