Sometimes, wthout meaning to…
I find life easier if I stay enclosed
Don’t go out…
Pass my time alone…
Or with family…
But mostly alone.
No one stares or whispers…
There’s no looks of pity…
No glance of disgust…
Or moment of judgment…
Arrogance doesn’t reign…
I am free just to be.

Sometimes, without meaning to…
I get lost in my world of pain…
My eyes see torrents of rain…
Or the raging winds…
And my life capsized…
Who I am lost at sea.
Though I determine to battle…
Praying God pulls me through…
‘Tis my burden each morning…
And that of my family…
Who would never admit…
What I cost them.

Sometimes, without meaning to…
The results are too much…
No solution seem sane…
The simpler gets passed…
I wonder if I lost my mind…
Along with my leg.
And the pathway laid out…
Seems incredibly cruel…
Terribly long and wild…
Awfully as if meant…
To torment me…
Though I know it can’t be.

Sometimes, without meaning to…
I forget to be thankful…
That I woke up breathing. ..
That I still have my mind…
My heart can still feel…
And God isn’t finished
With me just yet.
So I go to the rock…
I remember He is Abba…
No other God before Jehovah…
I call upon Jehovah-Raphael…
Elohim Ozer Li…
El Simchath Gili.

This is the tale of a simple “one horse town”
A place where the streets are clear
When the sun sinks slowly down
And folks took for granted their freedom so dear.

Their City existed before the Civil War,
Now subdivisions flourish where crops once rose,
And modern technology isn’t knocking at their door
When it comes to new businesses none get proposed.

Nothing much changed in the sleepy little place
Content as they were with their way of life,
Until the day a stranger shook up their pace,
He sowed seeds of discord, mistrust and strife.

A charming mask hid the true man,
Like the classic two-faced politician
He built castles for them on shifting sand
That fell with no cornerstone in position.

By the time the truest revelation came
It seemed all in town had bought the lies
He left them in ruin when he promised them fame
For his cause they joined was born to die.

Oh had they been aware the lion roaming the earth
Who lived to devour all caught in his scheme,
Be a town, a village, a home, a hearth
Any people would do if he could rip them apart at their seams.

Had the town peeled the blinders from their eyes
Recognized who he & they were in their hearts
Had their knees hit the floor & to the Lord cried,
Or picked up the banner for freedom to do their part.

Sleepy little towns or tremendous cities
Every city, village, & every hue of mankind,
This is the time & place shrug off self-pity
Will you stand now for God as the future unwinds?

We cannot ignore lessons from past situations,
Or forget that one act of courage can the tides change,
Don’t make decisions with false presumptions,
Do we still need to learn from humanities pains ?

This one little town in the middle of no where,
Can change the course of this country
If it dares to stand up and care,
We must be “one nation under God” to be the “land of the free”.
d.f.a.v. 5-26-14–Donna

She moved among us
Who, of, us really saw her?
She embodied more than her poverty
or that she and her siblings mother died
or odd sign painting father
or even her smell
it was everything and all.
In the hierarchy of high school popularity
She ranked near the bottom
With few friends but many needs
like the need to be accepted
like the need to be heard
like the same need we all have
to be loved for who we are
Her life and choices were limited then
Now death has claimed her early
And I’m reminded of unintended cruelty
Hurt dealt in ways we cannot explain
she has found peace at last
peace and rest she so deserved
among those who loved her earlier
this Angel unaware.
d.f.a.v. 5-2o-14Rest in peace,
–Donna

Instead of who you will fight that you think I am most tired of,
Tell me what you will fight because it’s worth fighting for.
Instead of the waste you’ll cut show me you will spend wisely.
Show me that you will begin to mend bridges instead of burning them.
Show me you are part of God’s family by your works produced by your faith in God.
Prove to me you understand that politics eats ignorance with a gleeful smile.
Give me proof today’s Saint isn’t tomorrow’s Evil to best be avoided.Anyone can hop on the latest band wagon and beat the drum of discontent,
Can you take up the reigns of the wagon master and lead us over the mountain passage?
Trust and respect must be earned the hard way, not by the words and rhetoric you speak
But by those who are proud to be among the company you keep for your reputation has truth at it’s peak.
d.f.a.v. 5-20-14
—Donna

This Believer’s Life isn’t the cleanest, the surest, or the neatest. The decorating schemes for homes my Christian walk best matches Is the description of “lived in” look.

See, that’s just it. My walk with God is where I live. I don’t have it divided into neat compartments, labeled boxes or a place for everything. What I do have is spill overs, boxes laying around waiting to be filled up or unpacked completely and if I had a place for everything most likely I couldn’t reach it from my wheelchair. Its messy folks.

Daily my wickedness as a member of the human race shows. I know there is nothing I could not be motivated to do, good or evil, if presented with the right motivator in place. That doesn’t make me proud. Frankly, that makes me sick. But I won’t lie to God, myself or you and state anything different.

Sometimes my walk with God resembles a crime scene investigation complete with a chalk outline of a body. I mess up. I get angry. I thirst for revenge. I act as if because I’ve convinced myself that I’ve learned to let the pain of yesterday go that makes it so. That’s not true either.

Sometimes it looks like a playroom with all the attractions and distractions a parent can have there to keep their child entertained and quiet. And I sit there, a grown adult woman, playing with toys while the work of every Christian goes undone.

Sometimes the pain associated with life really gets to me. It robs me of energy, appropriate or “nice” responses to everyday questions or requests from people in my life.

I’m not one of those people who can always take the high road. I don’t always have the energy to put my best foot forward all the time. Heck, some days I don’t have the energy to put my shoes on! My prayers are not always answered in the way I want God to answer them. I get frustrated with God and myself. I get mad at Him and myself too.

My world is filled with sharp and hard edges. It has uneven surfaces and unseen booby traps. It has physical and emotional pain from a physical disability. It is a messy, hodge-podge life at its best.

Yes, at its best. For it is in the lives of complexingly simple women and men like me that God works. Maybe my dream of being a published Christian novelist will never come to be. My art work will never win a prize. My daughter will not have every electronic gadget or piece of clothing she wants. My husband will rarely find a healthy, hot supper waiting on the table when he pulls into the driveway from work. Already forced to give up the old dreams of a successful non-profit administrative staff career, photographer, traveler, skydiving, missionary woman have evaporated from my life despite my best efforts to hold onto them. Now none of my new dreams may come true either.

Yes, I am a Believer in the One True and Living God. I believe He is Father, Son and Holy Ghost in one and three. I believe He hears and answers direct prayers. I have felt His arms and I have heard His heartbeat. There are not many avenues to Heaven, only one individualized journey for me, and every one of you, that starts and ends through Jesus. No other god can get you entrance. No good work you do. No matter how many high roads you take. No matter how many righteous appearing decisions you make. None of that will get you into Heaven. Only a real, personal, intimate relationship with Jesus gets you into Heaven.

So, my life is messy. This spills into that, the pinto beans get mixed in with the Navy beans sometimes, I “rob Peter to pay Paul” and some days I let evil win a battle when he uses a barely or still unhealed wound as a point to twist the knife in a little more. Just when I think the past is behind me and can’t hurt me anymore, wham, I’m doubled over from pain and forgiveness I have to endure and do all over again.

Does this make me weak? Okay.

Does this make me in effective? Sadly, maybe so.

Does this steal my faith from me? No.

Is this how my life will always be? Probably. I believe I am going to feel the twists and pulls of life until I reach Heaven.

Is this a true portrait of the faith of a woman? Well, it’s mine.

Will f.v.b.f. continue after the end of June? Haven’t decided yet.

This beginning of this title is the purpose of this blog. I’ll be the first to admit lately, poetry seems to be the reason I have for writing here. I do enjoy writing poetry, trying to relay deeper messages through verse rather than “editorial” or “educational” pieces is a challenge. But I also discovered the poetry brings my site more traffic.

In thinking back to why I thought expressing the challenges and special joys of being female and a Christian in these earlier years of this century I made a discovery. I was anxious to peek into male/female gender battles that continue in churches today. The root of the beliefs and traditions. (Have you read my Letters to Paul series? Check the archives.) I know the stories are out there. Seems I’m not reaching that audience though.

I’ve always been determined to be honest with the readers. The annual anniversary of f.v.b.f. (faith view by Faye) arrives next month and I have to decide whether or not to continue blogging here.

One day
One good day
Something to hold onto
Thank you El Shaddai!
Glorify
Glorify your name
Because You show mercy
Thank you Elohe Chaseddi!
Praise
Praises to You
You are the real deal
Thank You El Hayyay!
One day
One good day
An island of paradise
Thank You Elohel Ma’Rizzo!
Tonight
Tonight I sleep
Ready to face what comes
Thank you El Simchath Gili!
One day
One good day
Gives me hope for another
Thank you Jehovah El Elohim!
d.f.a.v. 5-14-14

Gratefully,–Donna

El Shaddai: Mighty Sufficient One, The God of the Mountains, or God Almighty

The day is warm and sunny
But your heart is sad and blue
The burdens you are carrying
Are weighing heavily on you.
It sure feels like you’ll never win
Life pounds you right and left
You cling to God and His hope
That allows you to push yourself,
Let us walk another mile or two
God will walk steadily beside
When we grow weak and tired
He’ll carry us to the other side.
Let us walk another mile or two
Before we think of giving in
For those miles may be the difference
Of how this ends my friend.
d.f.a.v. 5-14-14Don’t give up!Donna