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Parenting and Life Balance Stories from a Working Mother and Business OwnerTue, 31 Mar 2015 15:43:26 +0000en-UShourly1Tantrums: No Easier to Deal With the Second Time Aroundhttp://www.modernmami.com/parenting/tantrums-not-easy-second-child/
http://www.modernmami.com/parenting/tantrums-not-easy-second-child/#commentsWed, 13 Jun 2012 23:46:43 +0000http://www.modernmami.com/?p=5504

Tantrums. We’re so there. Oh, how I wish we could skip this stage of parenting! Can anyone make that happen?

Tantrums are nothing new to us, of course. Being that this is our second child, we know all too well what it’s like to deal with a toddler and tantrums. Even so, it’s hard to actually get through them!

When baby girl was almost 18 months old, the terrible twos hit. And they hit hard. She actually started acting up even before that, but 18 months was probably when it got really bad. Similarly, baby boy has started his tantrums before the 18-month mark. Luckily, though, they’re not as bad as his big sister’s. Let’s hope that doesn’t change.

Back when we dealt with baby girl’s toddler tantrums, most people would provide us with some form of the following advice:

Ignore it.

Let her cry.

Some kids will hit themselves.

So what if she makes herself throw up, what’s the worst that can happen?

When you’re in the moment, though, it’s very hard to ignore your child banging her head against the wall or crying so hard she vomits. Though baby boy is not doing either of those things – he really just cries and runs around in a circle for a bit – it’s still hard to ignore the crying fit.

The good thing is that we are more prepared this time around and know that if we don’t pay it much mind, he’ll calm down. We also know that he’s truly just frustrated or upset about a situation and cannot communicate that to us. Reminding ourselves of this makes it easier to distract him from the offense or help him calm down faster.

It’s still tough.

One thing we were told back when baby girl’s tantrums got to a very difficult stage, was that we should start formal time-outs. We had already been doing time-outs, but not formally. We weren’t telling her it was a time-out and we also weren’t using a specific chair. Perhaps it’s time to initiate the time-out ritual with baby boy before his tantrums worsen.

Baby girl’s tantrums did eventually get better. We stuck with time-outs and soon enough, we didn’t even need them. I just can’t remember how long it took us to get to that point. I know that baby boy’s tantrum stage will also pass just as hers did. But, I’m already ready for them to be over.

How long did the tantrum stage last for your kids?

Disclosure: This post is sponsored by Disney Baby. I’ll be joining the Disney Baby blogging team next month, and look forward to sharing these kinds of stories with you over there! Stay tuned for more details!

It’s pretty sad to admit, but the truth is that my baby boy is suffering from second child syndrome. Don’t know what that is? It’s when you let go of those “must and should” expectations you had with your first baby.

We all know those things we did, bought, or thought we were supposed to do with our baby, don’t we? More than likely, you soon realized you really didn’t need that baby item. Or perhaps you figured out that it wasn’t such a big deal if things didn’t work out exactly as you read in that parenting book.

When you have a second baby, you are already so much more comfortable and confident as a mother, that you let go of many of those expectations. You know that things won’t ever go as planned and you learn to go with the flow. Unfortunately, this also means you slack on other aspects of parenting that you may later wish you had continued doing.

I think part of the second child syndrome is also due to the fact that you are constantly splitting your time and attention between two children. I certainly didn’t purposely neglect to do some things; it just sort of happened in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Here are a few examples. Perhaps you can relate?

Now that I’m more conscious of this, I am trying to be better about it. I’m taking more photos of my baby boy, starting to document more of his moments and special quirks, and generally trying to create more memories. However, I think the reduced amount of worrying (about him falling, eating, etc.) is actually a good thing, since it allows him more freedom and independence.

If you have more than one child, do you think they suffer(ed) from second child syndrome? If not, how did you avoid it?

Disclosure: This post is sponsored by Disney Baby. I’ll be joining the Disney Baby blogging team next month, and look forward to sharing these kinds of stories with you over there! Stay tuned for more details!

I always thought I’d want to have three children. My then-boyfriend, now-husband, thought differently. He thought two would be just fine for our family, but wasn’t entirely against the idea of three. As we had our first child, we adjusted. Anyone who’s had a baby knows exactly how much your life completely turns upside down.

Our family of two became three. We went through the motions of nurturing, caring for, and learning all about our baby girl. As is quite typical within extended family, almost immediately after she was born, we were being asked if we wanted a second child. Our sleep-deprived, defunct brains couldn’t fathom another child. At the time, we were pretty sure our baby girl was going to be an only child.

Through the next few years, my husband and I went back and forth on the issue of having more children. Some months we missed having a young infant in the house and thought we’d eventually have another. Other months – especially those months our daughter was particularly going through a rough phase – we were sure we didn’t want any more. When our daughter hit the tantrum phase, we were pretty much ready to run to the doctor for reproductive surgery to ensure we didn’t have more children. Dealing with tantrums is always rough in parenting. Luckily, though, tantrums don’t last forever.

Once our baby girl got past tantrums and began to act like a human again, we began to have feelings of wanting another baby. It took us a while, but we eventually decided to go for it and try for a second child. Baby girl was four when we got pregnant and turned five when her baby brother was born.

Our family of three is now a family of four. And, we can’t imagine it any other way. It’s hard to think of the days when our baby boy was not around; it seems like he’s always been a part of our family. Of course, we’ve had adjustments, again, to raising two children versus just one child. Honestly, though, it hasn’t been too rough thus far.

My biggest surprise in having two children? How incredibly big their love for each other is! That little boy searches for his sister when she’s at school, is thrilled to see her, and is sad to see her go. In turn, rarely a minute goes by when she’s not talking to, playing with, or harassing her little bro. They were truly made for each other.

If you have more than one child, what has been the biggest surprise for you in parenting siblings?

Disclosure: This post is sponsored by Disney Baby. I’ll be joining the Disney Baby blogging team next month, and look forward to sharing these kinds of stories with you over there! Stay tuned for more details!

When we decided to have a second child, one of the things we were concerned about (but only slightly) was how our baby girl would handle the transition. Would she be jealous? Would she like having a little brother or sister? How would she act towards the new baby in the house?

As we worked on trying to get pregnant, we talked a lot with her. We’d ask how she would feel about being a big sister, we’d stress how she’d be able to teach her little brother or sister new things, and we made sure she knew that she’d always be our baby girl. After finding out we were pregnant, we waited a few weeks before letting her know the news, and did not share with her until after our first gynecologist appointment. That day, we came home with a sonogram picture of her brother, on which our doctor had so kindly written a special message for her. She still has that sonogram picture framed in her room.

Once our baby boy was born, of course, the initial transition was difficult for all. There were many days spent learning his ways, his needs, and finding our rhythm as a new family of four. While I spent much of that time breastfeeding and napping, it was helpful that my husband was able to spend quality time with our girl, something she most definitely needed. I can remember coming in and out of naps and hearing the two of them playing games or just talking. This was important as so much attention goes to the baby those first few weeks; as a big sister, she needed to know she still mattered.

Something I remember helped us out was involving her in everything. Since they are five years apart, she was already old enough to help with many things. From getting us diapers, wipes, and clothes, to singing lullabies to soothe her little brother, it all helped to let her know her role as the big sister was an important one. To this day, she’s still a big help and loves when we ask her to “watch him” or if she can feed him.

Aside from being a helpful big sister, something we constantly remind her of, we try our best to do individual activities with her whenever possible. It can be simple things like playing a game when he’s napping or her new favorite, giving each other make-overs. The one-on-one time is not only good for her, but for us as well. We also give her small gifts occasionally, just because. She’s really a well-behaved, generous girl, so providing her with small reminders of our appreciation is something we’re glad to do. Just a few days ago, I surprised her with this cute lady bug Hallmark sent us and wrote her a nice note in one of their cards. She loves getting notes, letters, and cards, so it was perfect!

Our baby girl truly deserves all she gets and we couldn’t have asked for a smoother transition from a three-member family to a family of four. It’s actually hard to remember not being a family of four, and I know she feels the same way.

Just when I started feeling like I had a bit of a handle on this work-life balance thing, I will be needing to redefine, readjust, and re-prioritize, well everything, in the coming weeks. Our second child will soon be here and come early December, the balance in our house will be thrown out the door. At least, until we’re able to come up with a new routine and schedule for the various aspects of our lives.

I am fully aware that life will be changing in many ways now that our family of three will be a family of four. But, I don’t think that anything can truly prepare you until you’re in the midst of it and able to assess just what adjustments need to be made. It’s much like when you have the first baby – people can tell you their experiences, advice, and tips for how your life will change, but you don’t really know until that baby is in your house.

However, with a business to run, two blogs, and oh yeah, a family and house to manage, I can’t help but try to prepare myself ahead of time. If anything, it at least gives me some peace of mind to know that I tried. That counts, right?

My plan?

Business: I am doing as much as I can now to line up plans so that I am in a good spot for taking a few weeks off. Once I’m past the initial period of adjustment, I hope to come back to pick up right where I left off with minimal catch-up needed.

Blogs: I’m trying my best to write extra posts that I can schedule for the coming months. I am also seeking contributors that I can highlight with guest posts, in order to keep content running while I’m on maternity leave. (Email me if you’re interested in contributing with a guest post, or two, or three.) And, of course, I’m trusting that all of you will fully understand and stick with me if there’s a slow down in posts during that time.

Family: We have already been preparing our baby girl with several talks and mentions of a) how she can help when her baby brother arrives and b) that there may be times we will not be able to rush to cater to her need at that moment. I know that family members will also be around to help – I’m lucky to live near my mom. So, between my husband, myself, and the help of family, I am confident that we’ll be able to adjust to the new dynamics with minor adjustments.

House: Since our baby boy will be here very very soon, we are in what we call “crunch time mode.” My husband has been working hard to get the house clean, rearranging and reorganizing certain areas, since my very pregnant self is of no use these days and can barely bend at this point. I also intend to work out a menu plan with my husband, full of easy meals he can cook if need be and meals that can serve for two or three dinners (perhaps with some re-purposing).

I know that all of this planning doesn’t mean that our life after the baby is born will undergo a smooth, worry-free, and uncomplicated transition. I realize there will be unexpected circumstances and changes. Still, I hope that some of this planning will ease some of the transitions and allow us to deal with the unexpected without needing to worry about those aspects of our lives that we can, in fact, control at this moment.

Do you have any tips to share for transitioning and welcoming a second child into the family?

As you may know, the husband and I have been trying to conceive our second child. I’m happy to share with you that we are expecting a fourth member of our family and will be welcoming him or her in December! Earlier this week, I announced our good news on our pregnancy blog. You can read more information there about how I’m currently feeling, how far along I am, and the big sister’s reactions to the news.

We’re very excited and I’m looking forward to the next few months and preparing for our new baby. I won’t be posting much about the pregnancy itself on here, so if you want to follow along the next few months, make sure to subscribe to the feed for 40weeks Plus and stay updated.

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