I can tell the times are changing. I’m thinking in blog posts. I’m encouraging Craig to get back to writing. I am taking pictures. I am in love with who I believe is my forever partner. With my mother gone I am finally feeling kind of like an adult, maybe not…. but at least I’m thinking that maybe I’m almost an adult.

I found a church. I love this church. It’s Methodist. What do I know about that..?? Nothing. I know that I am thinking about God more in my life. I’m thinking I need the structure of religion. I had lost hope.. not sure in what but that sparkle was gone. Life had been so flat.. so sad.

I feel as if it’s time to pull myself up, dust myself off.

The pastor has been doing a serious on Defining Moments.. Think about it. God seemed to have chosen screw ups to do great things. God doesn’t call us to do things we already know how to do. We need to be scared, doubt, take a chance and leap! Whatever it is, changing jobs, being responsible, having a family.. for me it is taking over my parents house as my own, being responsible, starting my life with Craig.

I am having the bedroom painted on Thursday followed by the bed being delivered on Friday. This seems like nothing but this is what I have been using as my excuse. Well NO MORE EXCUSES!! I know I’ve preached this once before, I just don’t think I was ready, and you need to be ready.

So.. since I’ve been thinking in blog posts.. hopefully I’ll be posting more blog posts.. I need to use my mobile app!

Not quite in passing..but I didn’t want this to be my main post. I just can’t imagine training for YEARS for a marathon and finally after all that hard work getting killed or lose a limb on the day you were finalizing your goal. When these people were coming up with excuses not to the marathon I don’t think any of them said “Well what if someone bombs the route”.. You just never know.. but you will never live a fulfilled life if you don’t take a chance.

So. .I’m 46 and the doctor confirmed I’m going through menopause. Right away she wanted to start me on hormone
replacement. I said

hold the phone

. ..What? Why? Yes I have sleeping issues but I’ve been on a sofa bed….I do have more urgency when it comes to going to the bathroom… Some night sweats but no hot flashes. What to do. ..I’m looking for opinions. ..This is the first time I’m lost

I am now staying in my parents house, dad is in a nursing home, his health is great but he’s tarting to be very forgetful.

I am going to a funeral today for a girl my age. Ends up she’s been battling cancer for the last six years, I didn’t know.. but I’m going to the funeral.. she was never a good friend of mine but for quite a few years I spent social time with her.

My gyno doesn’t think I should have stopped.. which I’ve stopped for almost 2 years.. so now I have to go do blood-work. …I HATE giving blood. I tend to pass out.

I think I’m doing OK.. not spectacular.. but without my Craig I think I’d be a wreck.. I’m in love with him.. who knew.. I was looking for dates on a Friday and ended up with my love..

I hope I can continue this habit.. I think I have lots to say.. maybe I should try once a week at least..

I’ve been thinking about blogging for a while. I have thoughts and ideas.. things I want to get out of my head but just haven’t had the time. Well maybe, I suppose that’s a lie. Things I just don’t feel like typing.

I guess I could rip the bandaid off in one sentence. My ex-husband is a homeless alcoholic and my mother is dead. Yeah.. that’s what is going on. I feel like a fucking Lifetime movie.

I’m staying home with dad still. My boyfriend is a saint, he’s dealt with all the craziness that is going on in my life and isn’t going anywhere. I love that about him.

Work is being really great dealing with all the time off I’ve had to take due to my dad, mom’s death.. the divorce..

My friends are great, my family is great… I am trying to get the motivation to get finances in order.. get mom’s room cleaned out in order to have a bed and get off the couch.

This has been one hell of a year.. I suppose I’ll blog again soon, there is way more that needs to come out. I haven’t even grieved for mom yet, I haven’t had time.. that’s a lie.. I haven’t allowed myself. I’m being strong for dad.. or me.. or just scared.

For now I will count my blessings.. quit the pity party.. and maybe work on my Lifetime Movie script.