Wednesday, July 25, 2007

The Woof I'm Tired Song

So I think I've been letting this blog become all about my trials and tribulations with OPL lately. I know y'all need an update, so here it is, but then I think we need to get back to our regularly-scheduled program: academic absurdity! So in the past couple days, I got into a much better headspace. We had had a phone conversation where I felt like I said some really strong things -- and I just got to this place where I felt good about knowing that I'm strong enough to make the leap when I see the unknown beckoning. I can take leaps of faith. Whether OPL can, I thought, has nothing to do with my worthiness, and I should enjoy my own conviction and feeling that I'm in line with the universe. Now it turns out that he's coming out to Grad City and will be here this weekend!! (Am I the only one here who feels kind of weird about talking about their romantic life on their blog? I just feel like OPL should have some say in how's he represented here. I think I'm going to make a line between what's me expressing what's going on with me and what is going on for him.)

Now while this makes me want to clean my entire apartment pronto (except that woof! I'm tired), it really doesn't mean any immediate (I mean today) change in my life. Because yesterday, I was a busy little bee: I worked for five hours on editing a fascinating dissertation, did my laundry and changed the sheets and towels, dealt with some long-overdue money stuff, finally got my mail because I lost my mailbox key again and had to hang my head and ask my management company for a new one, sorted a good deal of mail, and swept the house. Is that all I did? It felt like so much more. Also, I watched the most romantic movie of all time: Possession, which I think reminds all English majors why we got into this profession (not for the glory of the discovery, but for the sheer romance of it all: please discuss) and also combines a smart modern mystery/love story in the much under-movied academy with a torrid period piece romance. What's not to love!

So the big event of the day is that I need to finish editing this fascinating (not mine) dissertation. I am becoming a whiz (slowly) at APA. Then, gulp, I have to figure out all the formatting for the page numbering, which I think means sections and stuff that I have no idea how to do. The good news is that once I figure it out for her dissertation, my own dissertation, I hope, will be a breeze. But can I just say: MLA is ridiculous enough, but to try to get used to another style guide enough so that I can look at a citation and see if it's wrong is very challenging. What about the way they don't capitalize their book titles? I got through the dissertation last night, but then only got to the Es in the "References" (not "Works Cited").

Get past the Es all the way down to the last Zed on this dissertation.

Conquer Word and figure out how to format dissertations into sections so that all our weird absurdist formatting will all come out okay.

Get through my own Chapter 4 editing, which has been languishing because this other dissertation is so fascinating.

Read and take notes on Review Book for at least at minimum 1 hour!!!

Start brainstorming notes for follow-up interviews so that I can get them through IRB before I leave (ha ha).

Oh, and at some point, take shower and stop being such a sloth. Which means store-bought coffee!

You will notice that there is no cleaning in this list. Already the list is so long that I want to go back to sleep (because woof I'm tired), but really I should be going through these stacks of papers and books and notebooks and deciding what's going into storage and what's going with me and what's going to the recycle bin. Oy. I should get my butt into the shower, but let's face it: I have many blogs to catch up on before I shower. (Blogs to read before I wake, blogs to read before I wake.)

***Update 5:15pm***

Okay, I was derailed from really getting some good blogreading done by important phone calls. But now I'm totally tired, haven't really eaten anything, and really should run out to pay a bill and the only thing I've accomplished is that I finished editing that dissertation. I did manage to conquer Word, but I'm so bleary-eyed I probably won't even remember what I did when it comes to working on my own. Thank goodness I put showering and getting coffee on my to-do list so it does end up that I've done exactly half of my to-do list. I think I'm going to dash off that bill, get some food (too lazy to go to the store), and come back and put my feet up, which is not what I should be doing, but -- well, it's naptime, isn't it? Siesta anyone?

***Update 11:30pm***

Okay, I've now managed to get through Chapter 4. And I see why it is that I'm really getting quite grumpy. I've been trying to work on my Works Cited and it wasn't even on my list of things to do today. Surely, I should've read some of the Review Book or worked on the IRB stuff. OY! And now I'm too tired and too grumpy to do anything. But this is way before my usual recent bedtime of 2am. Should I see if I can finally focus on a book? Should I watch another movie? Should I just lay my head down to sleep? You know when I have to blog the indecision, I'm in real trouble. I hope tomorrow will be better. I have to remember to go to campus and the DMV. And get up early in the morning because they're turning off the water during the time I would usually finally drag myself to the shower. Oh I can't stand it. How is it that I'm supposed to hold this all in my head. I'm truly grumpy now. Good night all.

Sis, I edit for money. I have to. I'm asking churchmice for their crumbs, which is basically the same as asking graduate students to part with cash. But I've been editing and tutoring here since, basically, I got to grad school. Extra cash is my mantra. Especially now, when I'm officially unemployed.

Hey, I missed your post on your defense, so first of all congrats on that! What great news. . . and really, if you need to take it easy for a while now, you've earned it!

My other comment is just to say that I feel you about the frustration of being ready to make a leap of faith, but fearing that the other person isn't; I'm in that place myself right now, and it's so hard not to take that hesitation (or even any imagined signs of hesitation!) as a judgment on oneself and one's worth.

I'm glad that OPL does seem to be ready, and to recognize a good thing when he sees it. Be well.

National Poetry Month

About Me

I am Earnest English and am, miraculously (considering I started this blog when writing my dissertation), a tenured associate professor at Specialized College in Snow Town. I'm also the mom of a gifted and incredibly high-energy seven-year old, who has earned the name Spirited!, and who my husband and I trying to raise to be peace-loving and connected to nature. Absurdist Husband and I are going to turn our house into the somewhat-self-sufficient homestead of our dreams, complete with serious kitchen gardening. I'm passionately committed to whole organic food that comes, as often as possible, from local family farms and to living a slower-paced, less gadgety, more contemplative life than usually seems possible in this high-tech speedy and spendy world of ours. Welcome.
I can be reached at earnestenglish@gmail.com.