December 1, 2009

Hanna Rosin explains — as I alluded to yesterday — that Tiger Woods must refrain from telling the story of his wife's attack on him — if that's what happened — because, under Florida law, the police would have to arrest her.

Rosin ... writes: “It is impossible to imagine Tiger occupying the same cultural brain space as Rihanna, with Nordegren playing Chris Brown. If Tiger had been chasing down his wife with a golf club and she had shown up with bruises, even if she had cheated with, say, K-fed, we would be a lot less ambivalent and complacent.” That’s probably correct, for certain values of the word “we,” but why is that, exactly? Cheating men deserve to be beaten, even with weapons, while cheating women do not?

Or could it be, you know, sexism? But that’s not possible, because Hanna Rosin can’t be sexist, and neither can those who agree with her. If you’re Hanna Rosin, “sexist” is a name you call other people. You know, bad people who believe in stereotypes and stuff.

Maybe it's "impossible to imagine" if you are someone who thinks women are weak and men are strong: The poor women, if she struck out, it was probably because the powerful male intimidated her, and even if she was violent, she probably didn't intimidate him. Of course, that template is sexist too.

Is it sexist to say men and women are different. Yes it is, but correctness be damned, the men focus a mental strength and set goals and go straight to conquer them. Women value that in men because their talents are those of the soft power of living a full emotional life filled with love and laughter and their truly loved children. Can't we all just get along? Tiger is a competitor, and he will win this match with the Police and the Gossip Industry.

When a man cheats and gets caught it is generally understood that his wife gets a couple of free shots with the five iron.

And when a woman cheats, what happens? The man best not hit her, or else he'll end up in the pokey.

This double-standard stinks for men. And no, for the terminally stupid, I'm not saying a man should hit his wife when he finds out she's been cheating on him. Most men are far stronger than women, and it's an uneven fight where a lot more damage can be done than the other way around (that's the main reason of why boys are told not to hit girls).

But I think Nordegren should at least be forced to answer police questions, same as a man would, even if Tiger later "dropped the charges" as many battered women do.

"When a man cheats and gets caught it is generally understood that his wife gets a couple of free shots with the five iron."

Not according to the Official Rules of Golf.

29-1. GeneralIn a threesome (or a foursome) during any stipulated round the partners must play alternately from the teeing grounds and alternately during the play of each hole. Penalty strokes do not affect the order of play.

http://golf.about.com/cs/rulesofgolf/a/rule29.htm

Got that? No penalty strokes affect the order of the play of a hole in a threesome.

I don't think it is sexist at all. Men and women ARE different. We are supposed to be different.

While I sort of admire Woods for not 'ratting' on his wife and exposing her to criminal actions, it is still condoning a crime. Possibly this was a "one off": crime of passion on her part and as such he just wants it to all go away.

Without going into details, I can relate to a sudden snapping loss of control that is out of character....mostly :-D. However, abuse is abuse and women can be the abuser just as much as men. Possibly not quite often so physically, but abuse nevertheless.

The stereotype is that when things go wrong or that there is abuse in a relationship it is somehow always the fault of the man. Either he deserved it, because he was a cheating slime or he is the actual instigator of the violence. This just isn't so and it is unfair to men.

We can't judge what dynamics are going on in someone else's personal relationships.

I am sick and tired of the speculation in the blogosphere, in the msm, and in town gossip on all things behind closed door. There are quite a few stories that could be speculated here and you just don't know.

So shut up.

What if the marriage isn't going well, but the man wanted some sex and the woman said no. And he didn't understand how much she just wasn't in the mood and she didn't understand how much he was. What if she punched him then? because of a misunderstanding about spousal sex? Would that be alright for a feminist like you?

Ann, your blog is about things that are more interesting than homework. Like this? Like speculations/ Or do you have the real inside inside story?

like speculation. like everything else.

Just be quiet or mention every possibility.

what is it with you lawyer types that constantly seek justice everywhere, where there might not even be any.

It took a village to weigh matters before. Then society grew and justice was a stage. Then the real players weren't good enough actors, so they invented lawyers.

IT IS time for a change!

vw: kister. right in the keister, for people who don't care anymore about right and wrong spells.

Possibly this was a "one off": crime of passion on her part and as such he just wants it to all go away.

I'm betting this was the case, DBQ. As you say, an one-off. Smashing someone's Escalade rear-window with a golf club just doesn't seem like normal spousal abuse. It's a crime of passion, of the moment, after you hear something devastating (like a denial you don't believe).

Get real here! If Mrs.Tiger had not attacked Mr Tiger for his adulterous fling, then Mr Tiger would have lost all respect for Mrs Tiger and he would never have had a chance to make amends to her by covering up for her. This was their way of making up.

Having defended the male position earlier, now in fairness I must point out that as long as men feel embarrassed to admit (in front of other men, especially) that they are being battered by their wives, then you will be holding your breath for a long time, indeed, Mariner.

Ridicule for "getting beat up by a girl" hurts men more than just their egos on the field of sports or in video games. You have to get over that, before society does. I don't see it happening.

Vspurs...Think about the situation: There were no witnesses except the Tiger and the Tigresse. The Fifth Amendment can be claimed by them. The police do not want to arrest anyone. The fire hydrant will be paid for. Tiger is not the Governor of Alaska. So let's leave them alone in their pain.

The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false.

Just to put this incident in context, our then City of Miami mayor, Joe Carollo, was arrested and spent the night in the cooler when he was merely accused of beating up his wife (his daughter placed the 911 call):

"The charge stemmed from a domestic dispute between the mayor and his wife, Maria Ledon Carollo, 42, from whom he is seeking a divorce. Mr. Carollo was arrested at his home in Coconut Grove on Feb. 7 after the police received an early morning 911 call from one of the Carollos' two young daughters. She said her father was hitting her mother. The mayor spent a night in jail before being released on $1,500 bond.

The police said at the time that Mr. Carollo had hit his wife in the head with a terra-cotta tea canister, which they later said was actually a cardboard box."

...A MAYOR of a major US city. But Elin Woods gets a pass. Think about it.

It is not sexist to acknowledge that Tiger is considerably stronger than his wife and is better able to cope with her physical rage than she would be with his.

But a golf club is (potentially) a deadly weapon even in the hands of a small woman (or a large child). It doesn't take much strength to swing the business end of a golf club with lethal force. And that goes for lots of other things around the house that could be used as weapons.

The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false.

All of these things could be true ... but the truth not be revealed.

For example, when Tiger says "The only person responsible for the accident is me" he could mean that he wasn't paying attention when he should have been and thus, the accident was his fault.

When Tiger says "My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble," this could be true ... but left unmentioned is what Elin might have been doing just before she saw he was hurt.

"She was the first person to help me" leaves unanswered the possibility that she was also the first person to hurt him. It's logically possible for both things to have occurred.

The police should do their jobs. Florida law is unambiguous about what their duty is.

They are required to arrest Elin even if she is rich, even if she is a girl, even if she is married to the world's most famous golfer and even if he is too ashamed to admit she beats the crap out of him with his own 7-iron when he gets caught banging other hot babes.

While I sort of admire Woods for not 'ratting' on his wife and exposing her to criminal actions, it is still condoning a crime. Possibly this was a "one off": crime of passion on her part and as such he just wants it to all go away.

If it's not a "one off," though, he's not being chivalrous, but playing the same role any battered spouse does at some point, covering for his abuser. And while women are generally less powerful than men, an abusive woman can make a home as miserable as an abusive man can, especially if there are children in the house. Unpredictable rage and fear are terrible forces to live with.

What about a couples right to privacy. If privacy trumps baby murder in the womb and partial birth situations, then can't it cover a scratch and a broken window situation here? The State of Florida has many laws that abuse its own citizens. Don't ever live there if you can help it. The police should not rule our lives if we can rule them ourselves without their help. When the State of Florida has figured out how to restrain more of their half-human child murdering perverts, then they can go after the Woods Family for its imperfections.

The police are failing to provide protection for Tiger Woods. They're required, by law, to arrest Elin even if Tiger doesn't want them to. Even if she is rich. Even if she is famous. Even if they don't want to arrest her ... the law requires that they arrest even rich famous abusers.

When police showed up to interview Tiger, who answered the door? Elin did. Who sent them away? Elin did. Who told them Tiger was too busy sleeping to answer their questions? Elin did.

Who is actually writing the website? We don't know for sure that it isn't Elin. She could easily have a copy of Front Page!

The police must arrest her. The law does not give them the authority to allow her abuse of Tiger to continue. Even if Tiger doesn't want her prosecuted, the law requires that the police arrest her.

If it's not a "one off," though, he's not being chivalrous, but playing the same role any battered spouse does at some point, covering for his abuser. And while women are generally less powerful than men, an abusive woman can make a home as miserable as an abusive man can,

Absolutely, Beth. A woman can be just as abusive in the same ways that a man can be. Abuse isn't always physical either. Mental and emotional abuse can be just as debilitating to the victim and to the people surrounding the situation. Family and children.

I would imagine in the case of a man denying or covering up the abuse a good portion of that motivation would be embarassment. Also hope that the abuser might change. He/She is not likely to change, but the hope is there.

Also in an abusive relationship, the escalation of the abuse is generally small and over a long period of time. I happens gradually until one day you (speaking for myself in my first marriage) wake up and realize that this emotional abuse, manipulation and hateful actions on the part of your spouse are just NOT normal and wonder "When did it get this way and how did I let it get so bad? How could I not notice?". A wise person will get out out out of the sick relationship. Many people won't do this because it is scary to make a decision like that.

If it's not a "one off," though, he's not being chivalrous, but playing the same role any battered spouse does at some point, covering for his abuser. And while women are generally less powerful than men, an abusive woman can make a home as miserable as an abusive man can,

Absolutely, Beth. A woman can be just as abusive in the same ways that a man can be. Abuse isn't always physical either. Mental and emotional abuse can be just as debilitating to the victim and to the people surrounding the situation. Family and children.

I would imagine in the case of a man denying or covering up the abuse a good portion of that motivation would be embarassment. Also hope that the abuser might change. He/She is not likely to change, but the hope is there.

Also in an abusive relationship, the escalation of the abuse is generally small and over a long period of time. I happens gradually until one day you (speaking for myself in my first marriage) wake up and realize that this emotional abuse, manipulation and hateful actions on the part of your spouse is just NOT normal and wonder "When did it get this way and how did I let it get so bad? Why didn't I notice what was going on earlier?" A wise person will get out out out of the sick relationship. Many people won't do this because it is scary to make a decision like that.

Am I the only person in the world who doesn't find chivalry and gender equality incompatible? I can hold the door open for a woman without believing her to be inferior to me, either socially or economically. I can support equal pay for equal work (not legally mandated, just as the right and smart thing to do) and still pick up the check when I'm the one who asked her out to a particular restaurant.

So I say kudos to Tiger for trying to be chivalrous here....

Not that it's any of our business. The sad thing here is that if this were not a famous celebrity, the cops probably would have been perfectly willing to accept the story given to them by Tiger and his wife initially, without pressing further, to let them work our their differences. Because he's a celebrity and the media is examining every move the police makes, however, they have to go 100% by the book and investigate it far past any rationality given the minor nature of whatever "crime" may have been committed. They wouldn't have believed the explanation, but they would have accepted it at face value so they could write up the report and move on to more important cases.

It is of course wrong to hit one's spouse, whether one is a man or a woman. And it is true that in the past the police overlooked serious abuse as a matter of course. But I fear we've come too far the other way, with the police being inserted to far into individuals' private lives.

DBQ: Good to hear you got out of that situation. It's hard to do a reality check - the dynamic of an abusive home so often involves being cut off from family and friends, with a "they don't understand us, it's not their business" culture.

One doesn't have to answer questions asked by the police because the police don't have subpoena power. No need to even invoke the 5th Amendment. Just tell them: "Sorry, I'd rather not speak to you."

That's it. You don't even have to ask for a lawyer. You've got to identify who you are; that's it. Beyond that, they have no statutory authority to require you to answer any questions. Tiger Woods can simply keep "rescheduling" his appointment with the police as long as he wants to.

If the government wants to compel you to answer questions, they have to issue a subpoena of some sort, usually to the grand jury. So far, that hasn't happened.

If the government did decide to waste enormous resources to investigate this tempest-in-a-teapot, and chose to subpoena Tiger to the grand jury, THEN he would need to take the 5th. Alternatively, he could attempt to invoke the spousal privilege to avoid testifying against his wife.

Apparently, Florida has a provision in its law voiding the spousal privilege when one spouse is the victim of violence from the other spouse. I don't know enough about the law to know what the government has to prove in order to establish that the exception to the exception exists. At any rate, I'd also claim the 5th Amendment based on the possibility that I could incriminate myself for reckless driving or something, or perhaps under the theory that he may have assaulted her (put her in fear of being hit, without actually hitting her), and that's what led to any attack by her, in self-defense.

Keep your mouth shut, Tiger! It's not anybody's business, and they can't make you answer questions.

Let's assume for the moment that Elin whacked Tiger with a 5 iron. (It's only an assumption since there is absolutely no proof.)

That would be a pretty good reason not to talk to police. If either of them talks, and withholds the whole truth in the conversation, they immediately are vulnerable to a obstruction of justice charge. I think their lawyer has it exactly right in advising them to refuse interviews.

Perhaps at some point they will be compelled or choose to say more.

Until that time, what you have is a young couple who have had a very ugly flareup in their marriage. They have to be stunned and a little confused by the intensity of the event. They are uncertain about what it means for their future relationship and whether they even have a future relationship.

Not only are they within their rights to remain silent, they are wise to do so. The hell with image, public perception, women's rights, men's backlash and the need for food of a rapacious press. They are struggling with something far more intimate, personal and important, and are doing so in exactly the right way. Privately.

"The sad thing here is that if this were not a famous celebrity, the cops probably would have been perfectly willing to accept the story given to them by Tiger and his wife initially, without pressing further, to let them work our their differences."

Do you not watch the television show Cops? It's on every Saturday night.

The sad fact is that it's only because of her celebrity that Elin is able to get away with abusing her spouse with impunity. Were she not rich, she'd be sitting in a drunk tank with all the other perverts and abusers waiting to get out on bail.

Poor people go straight to jail in these exact same circumstances. Only the rich like Elin Woods escape justice. Florida law does not give the police leeway to decide whether or not to arrest the abuser. And yet, the police are here violating that very law.

The law in Florida is clear: Elin must be arrested by the police (or the law must be changed). They have no choice in the matter.

Sure. Arrest Elin. Even if they can never convict her because Tiger will not testify. Subject her to public humiliation. Subject him to the same. Put as many roadblocks as you can in their path to reconciliation.

These are people, people. Not objects to make your particular political point.

I am a good sized man. But I would be plenty intimidated by some crazy chick swinging a golf club. Honestly, this seems to be a pretty serious attack. You can kill someone with a golf club to the head. Further, she attacked him seriously enough that she caused him to wreck his car, which could have seriously injured him.

His wife ought to go to jail. If Tiger woods had chased his wife out of the house with a golf club and caused her to run her car into a tree, he would be one step above OJ Simpson in public opinion. I don't see how it is okay for his wife to do the same thing.

"Sure. Arrest Elin. Even if they can never convict her because Tiger will not testify. Subject her to public humiliation. Subject him to the same. Put as many roadblocks as you can in their path to reconciliation."

So attacking your spouse with a golf club and causing him to run his car into a tree is something the police ought to ignore in hopes the couple can be reconciled and the perpetraitor not be humiliated?

Yeah that makes sense. Sorry, if she did what it appears she did, the state has an interest in prosecuting her beyond Tiger's desire to avoid embarassment and get back with his wife.

I have never been physically assaulted by a woman, but, my God, some women can say things that leave you dazed and bleeding....If I were married to a woman who looked like Elin and found time to cheat on her, I would spend every spare moment of my life singing Hosannahs to a bountiful God. The odd concussion is a small price to pay for such bliss.....The seven iron was the wrong club. This was an obvious chippie shot. The nine iron was the way to go, especially on such a fast green....Any money the government of Florida spends investigating this flare up is money wasted. Conservatives should realize that it is inadvisable for government to regulate the Woods' marriage. There is no exemplary justice to be had here--only the mean spirited pleasure of seeing the rich and the beautiful humiliated.

"Conservatives should realize that it is inadvisable for government to regulate the Woods' marriage. There is no exemplary justice to be had here--only the mean spirited pleasure of seeing the rich and the beautiful humiliated."

No. Conservatives should realize that the law should apply equally to everyone. If this fracus had happened in a trailor park somewhere, someone would have gone to jail. If Woods had acted like his wife did, he would have gone to jail. It shouldn't be treated any differently because of the sex of the offender or the wealth of the family.

"Sure. Arrest Elin. Even if they can never convict her because Tiger will not testify. Subject her to public humiliation. Subject him to the same. Put as many roadblocks as you can in their path to reconciliation. These are people, people. Not objects to make your particular political point."

Exactly.

Why should the rich escape the system of justice they have created which subjects poor people to public humiliation.

Why should the rich not be subject to the exact same stupid fucking laws they use to make us poor people subservient to them?

Speaking (well, typing) in blythe confidence and relative ignorance, I would think that the police would have to have something more than gossipy conjecture to conclude that spousal abuse occured. If the only statements made were those made public, how would the police justly conclude that the apparently minor injuries involved resulted from abuse?

I saw one account that claimed that Tiger made a contrary statement to someone else (a medical worker?) but have not seen any follow up of that.

If the Florida Gestapo arrests and tries Elin for striking her husband in anger over an adulterous tryst just to please the knitting mob at the media's guillotine, then I predict that Tiger and his family will move to a State with a more civilized administration of Justice system. Any State would qualify.

Florida police are obliged to charge domestic abusers regardless of what the victim's desires are.

Florida police are violating the law by not protecting Tiger from Elin.

I think in this situation, a "one-bite" rule should apply. Not every dispute has to go through the legal system.

As far as the fire hydrant being public property, Woods lives in a gated community. For all I know, he has an undivided interest in the fire hydrant. If so, does the Highway Patrol have jurisdiction over private streets?

Damage to private property puts the situation in a different light. As a new and somewhat shaky driver, my aunt once drove her car through the garage's back wall. Should my grandfather have called the police?

I think in this situation, a "one-bite" rule should apply. Not every dispute has to go through the legal system.

Thankfully, we don't live in a country where the rich get a free pass.

Woods lives in Florida and Florida law requires the police to arrest a domestic abuser even if they are rich and even if some people think the rich should get a free pass at violating the laws we pass just because they're nice people.

People who beat their spouses are not nice people. They deserve what the law demands.

"Florida police are violating the law by not protecting Tiger from Elin.

I think in this situation, a "one-bite" rule should apply. Not every dispute has to go through the legal system."

I agree with you. Unfortuneately, no one else gets treated that way. It really bugs me that only the rich and famous have any common sense applied to their dealing with the police while everyone else is subject to zero tolerance.

I think in this situation, a "one-bite" rule should apply. Not every dispute has to go through the legal system.

Perfectly put.

I just read that other women are planning to "come forward." Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I would think that one would be totally ashamed for having an affair with a married person, not out seeking media attention.

Several commenters suggest that any non-celebrity would have been locked up by now. I say bullshit.

First, there's thus far ZERO actual evidence that Mrs. Woods hit him. He crashed his car. He had scratches on his face which, based on initial reports, are consistent with having been in a car crash. For those screaming "rule of law" and "no special treatment for celebrities!", pray tell me exactly what the probable cause would be to arrest Tiger? We'll accept hearsay here, so feel free to use any media report you want to give some actual facts, rather than speculation, which would tend to establish that Mrs. Woods had hit him.

Second, Florida's comment about COPS rather supports my point, not opposes it. Like Heisenberg's cat, cops' actions depend in part on whether they are being observed. No observation leads to either the application of common sense and every day decency or, in much rarer cases, to abuse of authority by the officer. Observation by video camera leads to every encounter being "by the book," in case a lieutenant or captain happens to pay attention to the case.

I was listening to local talk radio (remember, I live in Florida) when I learnt one important thing from all this brouhaha. Floridians are prohibited from driving barefoot. They must use shoes or at least sandals, when driving a car.

The reason this was tied to the story (which I hadn't heard 'til now) was that according to Tiger's neighbour, he was barefoot inside the Escalade............

Up on Olympus life is very fine what with the honey and the wine and the singing girls. The only downside is that every so often one of the gods gets voted off the mountain. They must come down to our streets of open sewers in order to restore the balance of nature. Their crucifixion is more than just malicious fun. We are all edified to realize that our lives, so lacking in beauty, wealth, or significance, are, in fact, much superior to that of the celebrity god up there writhing on his cross. This Woods contretemps is all well and good, but we will not achieve salvation until the Brangelina breakup.

more civilized administration of Justice system. Any State would qualify.

TradGuy, Florida is truly a liberatarian paradise. This is No Fault State. Also a a Right-to-Work State (priceless for those of us who dislike unions, since you don't have to join one to work in your industry). We don't have community property laws governing divorces, so that's great for men especially. Nor if you declare bankruptcy, do you lose your primary home or car. Our State also allows medical insurance competition, which if all US States so allowed (especially in the northeast), there would be no need for this health care debate.

Florida is so loosey-goosey and though half of Cops episodes take place here, with justification, I love it. Wouldn't live in any other State.

John Lynch... he should be in big legal trouble because of your speculation? Seriously?

Got a single witness who saw her do anything with the golf club other than break the back window after the collision? Got any witness who says she tried to hit him with it, or threatened to hit him with it? Any witness that saw her strike him or attempt to strike him?

Look, even in the realm of pure speculation, there's other reasons he might have been driving away. Most likely is that they were having an intense (but not physical, and thus entirely private and not a matter for law enforcement) argument. Tired of her screaming at him (again, entirely, 100% legal) and accusing him of an affair, he decided to get away from her for a bit, go for a drive, whatever.

None of you have ever stormed out of the house and driven off in a huff? I haven't done it much, but I've heard of that fairly regularly, and the driving is rarely done very calmly in such circumstances.