I “live with someone” who can’t stand to be with elders. She finds it sad, grotesque and even torture to spend time with them, especially in public. I am sure you know that this is not unusual, since you talk to lots of folks. I was brought up to respect seniors, and the older they are, the more respect they deserve. My “significant other” refuses to help them walk, make sure they are comfortable, or even carry on a discussion with them. It seems as though she wants them dead and buried, even if they are only 70 or so. She told me once that she fears growing old herself. I find that contradictory, because I am certain that she doesn’t want to be treated “like a dog” when she is old, so why the attitude? She often embarrasses me when we stop to visit Aunts, Uncles and a Grandfather. She doesn’t care for her own aging parents! Am I missing something here? Am I making the proverbial mountain of a molehill? Give me your take, Paul B.

Jake

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Dear Jake,

Did you ever feel like busting out laughing at a funeral or ten? I know that I have, but I have never actually allowed this to happen. It is related to fear of the unknown, and nervous energy to cover up our inner feelings and concerns. Nobody wants to die, or become all wrinkled, but it is definitely going to happen, God willing. I am middle-aged, and I can see the changing body type, the “age lines,” and the growing lack of patience with my teens, and my very old Mom. I do not treat elders unkindly, nor do I fear becoming even older than I am. Your s.o. is very selfish, uncaring, rude and lacks compassion. If this is how she is NOW, just imagine what she’ll be like in ten years, or even twenty! I am of the ilk that believes that you will be punished (or rewarded) for how you treat people. Personally, I love conversing with seniors about THEIR LIVES, their struggles, their bravery and their triumphs. I will never live the type of life of those who survived wars, great depressions (not just financial ones,), walking miles to school, or even fighting others who hate them for their color, religion, or ethnic heritage. Most of us have led charmed lives, and we can only learn from these “life veterans,” and hopefully apply this to our own experiences, goals and dreams. If I were you, I would drop this brutal babe. She doesn’t possess the qualities that are essential to a winning persona, much less a thriving relationship with you. You are much too good for her, Jake.

Paul B

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