A Dedication to Matthew

Yesterday I had a new perspective and a new outlook on life, and I had a new vision for this blog. Little did I know that time I created that post that something life changing would happen just less than a day later. I would love to say that this post is going to be upbeat and positive like they usually are, but sadly it won’t be, it’s about to get serious.

Today I woke up and went about with my day like any other day. I won’t go into detail, but long story short, one thing happened after another, and I just had a bad attitude about myself and felt self-pity.

Anyway my attitude completely changed when I heard a rumor that someone that I work with died. At first, I thought it was just a rumor, no way it could be true. So then my friend and I had done some digging and found out that the rumor was actually true. We found out that someone I work with had committed suicide.

His name was Matthew, he just turned 18, just graduated high school, and he had the rest of his life waiting for him. He was such a sweet, lovable, and sassy young man, with a beautiful soul, and I am still in shock that this has happened. I don’t know how he did it, and I don’t know why, but I can’t help but feeling like there was something I could have done. In all honesty, there was probably nothing I could have done, but I just wish that I could have reminded him that I would be there for him if he needed someone to talk to. I can’t help but feeling like I failed him.

I’m going to be honest, I don’t have a whole lot of experience with death, and I am very grateful for that. The last death I had that really hit me hard was my grandfather and that was almost 3 years ago, and it was kind of sudden, yet expected at the same time. I’ve heard of suicides happening in my area before, but it was never anyone I actually knew one on one.

Matthew, I wish you knew how loved you were and how much joy you brought into our lives, and just how it was a blessing to know who you were. There is only one of you, and you will never be replaced or forgotten. You will truly be missed by many. Fly high like a bird.