I woke up with the sunlight stinging my eyes. My body had recuperated enough, but my mind's restless. I dragged the blanket to cocoon myself to its calming softness. I looked at the clock, it's 10 in the morning and my feet tingle with pain.

The weather's joyous, it's a good day for wandering,but walking is the list thing on my list. I grabbed for my phone but it's out of my reach and i'm otiose enough to extend an arm. I burrowed my face to my pillow, my hair smelled of vanilla and morning fog. If it's just any ordinary day, i'm already groomed and face-slumped into a book, but this day's no ordinary, so is last night.

I squeezed my pillow against my thumping heart, 10 minutes more and i'm going to kiss the day good morning, but while my mind's still nuzzling with the solitariness it ironically enjoys, i'm going to drift away from the reality and french kiss the cosmic world i hold dear.

Friday, December 21, 2012

I just finished reading ‘Perfect Chemistry’ by Simon
Elkeles, and it was, I can’t find words to describe it, oh my gosh it’s just so
damn good. And I’m still crying up to this very moment. I didn’t expect it to
turn out to be captivating, and hilarious, and heart stomping and thrilling,
all at the same time. It’s like a mash-up of all my favorite flavors in one ice
cream. Funny thing the male lead has the same surname as I do, Alejandro
Fuentes and he is HOOOOOT that I felt somewhat awkward reading my last name on the
book. *giggles

At first, I thought
it was just another teenage book that circles on typical ups and downs of being
a teenager and being in a relationship but I was totally wrong, it was pieces
of blatant reality, weaved to a book.

The male lead Alejandro Fuentes is a gang member who has
this badass reputation that his schoolmates won’t even dare to look him in the
eye, or else they’ll get in to a not so pretty situation. It was the memory of
his father’s death that made him resentful of everything about life. He is
surely not the kind of guy your mother would allow you to date or even be
friends with, but surely the kind of guy that made girls swoon despite his
belligerent façade.

It was his senior year and he just planned on playing it
cool until graduation and then whatever will be will be, until one day in a
Chemistry subject, he was partnered with the school princess, Brittany Ellis
and everything just changed beyond his heart’s control. Brittany Ellis is the
perfect blonde princess of the school, she is the envy of any girl. On the
outside, she’s just as perfect as a fragile snowflake, a pretty face, a body to
die for, a smartass, a quarter back boy friend and a very well off family but
on the inside, she’s a warrior fighting for her personal battles.

As the two of them get to hate, get to know and get to adore
each other’s concealed flaws, they will just found themselves madly in love
with each other. And I found myself in love with the both of them as well. It
was a very great story, probably one of the few books that have etched into my
heart. One negative thing about the book, it had raised my expectation about
love and now I don’t know if I’ll ever have the chance to get married. Great
book, poor me.

Btw this is Alex Fuentes, as portrayed by Alexander Rodriguez. He is HOTNESS Mygas. *ovary explode

Thursday, December 13, 2012

My head’s clouded by thoughts I
can’t separate from the dense pieces of abstracts. I feel lost, and alone. I
have this longing inside my heart I can’t figure out. All I know is, I’m tired
and I have to bleed what my heart’s weeping every second of its waking hours,
or else I’ll pass out for good or if not, go insane.

I observe the world not as a
routine to kill time or to contemplate what the philosophy books have taught me,
but rather to see through the overt, pricking through the obvious and conclude
the concealed other things beneath the surface. And what I have seen skew my
perception, making me ponder of how dissimilar the people I just knew from the
people I thought they were. As I have tried to live my life the way I used to,
people, incognizant or deliberately, starts to peel away from the costumes they
adorned with glamour and pesky pretentious. “The shows over”, I thought to
myself, only to find that everything’s just a warm up and the show has just
begun.

Everything in this world is
subject to change, whether they like it, they don’t like it, or they don’t
know. Life, is not staying in one place for the rest of your earthly definition
of eternity, not even going from place to place to give justice for why we have
to eventually turn to ashes and remnants only utile to the lowest species this
world has, when all our years, we strive to carpe
diem by finding the fictional stair towards self-actualization. I myself
will also be swallowed by this world one day, but my thoughts wouldn’t dive
with me, six feet below the earth.

People doesn’t change overnight,
they change in the speed of light. I have tried hard to avoid change, but just
like others, it struck me like a thunder with a wind as its disguise. I savored
it for, I no longer can measure. It consumed me, it’s ecstatic, and every fiber
in me felt like it effloresce into something invincible yet naïve. From the
moment the phylogeny is through, I wished it never happened at the very first
place.

I am changing together with the
people, with the world and everything in between. Every day is a fashion show
of ‘how-long-can-you-pull-together-that-sanity-of-yours’, and the world’s long
pavements are the runway. Everyone around me is a stimulus to my impending many
changes yet to come, likewise, I am theirs. But, I still can’t figure out why
some of the people I value and almost love,
decided to change and eventually leave me hanging in the air, when I never gave
them any stimuli condescending to their egos. Next to my first fear dying, is
my fear of oblivion, and they had just served it fresh from the oven, right in
front of my face.

I trust too much, that’s my
biggest flaw. I trust them because I care for them, and I want to give myself
the opportunity to devour to a friendship I can watch and screw life with, only
to find that, we’re not on the same leaf, people change, and they just did.
Sure, vulnerability is not my cup of tea, and it’ll never be, but I will never
be tired of gambling. I’ll die one day, and I’ll be forgotten, two of my fears
entwined in one, and just as my observations, my thoughts, my beliefs and my
argues evaporate together with my footsteps, I know I have lived my life under
none of the many roofs of people’s how it should be, but my own.

This journey is still long,
longer I hope. So for now, I will keep pacing, and will still keep observing.