Luminous

Friday, July 12, 2013

Dear LIB readers: My fiance has had gay sex, does it mean he's gay?

From a female LIB reader

I am engaged to this guy who confessed to me just last week that he has had gay sex in the past. He actually confessed after someone else told me about it. He said he did it for money and not because he's gay. He said his former boss was into men and lured him to have sex with him and after a few romps, gave up on gay sex. He says he's 100% heterosexual but I can't get over the fact that he once let a man sleep with him. He said he was tempted by money but I don't believe any straight man would have gay sex for any reason. I don't know how to feel about this. These days whenever I see him talking to a guy, I start to imagine them having sex. A man who has had gay sex is gay, right?

My dear he might not be gay. ive had sex with a girl cus I wanted to experience it but im not a lesbo...pls don't loose ur man cus I admire his guts..u might be irritated now but pls if he truly loves u and u love him too stay with him. .

Well ppl do really stupid tinz for reasons they consider substantial....in his case, it was cos of money.. Buh since u said he's ur fiiancee,it simply means he's done both u n his boss.. Hmm. My major concern tho is not evn d gay sex cos he may have stopped dat, buh how much more could he go wen he gets broke? Fuck an animal for money?.....

hmmm now you are being sexist! how a woman can sleep with a woman for JUST money so can a man sleep with a man Just for money even if they are truly heterosexual..desperate times mehn..I understand you must feel shocked and oda type of emotions (I would too). You guys have to go see an elder in the church/mosque about this if you really love him or just move on if you r spirit cannot handle it.. also what if hes broke again and someone tells him to sleep with them for money..will he do it again ? NAWA.

Its a very slippery slope btw being gay and straight cause no one os a 100% of either...if u can't deal with it kindly leave him before marriage cause the thinking won't get better..fyi sleeping with a man doesn't make you gay

It depends, to me I have been fingered by a lady before and it does not mean I am gay. I did that out of understanding what am doing. He is not gay but man sleeping with man is done for rituals.I advice you guys pray about it o.

He isn't necessarily gay. He was just desperate at the time but what happens next time when wahala dey and an opportunity presents itself to get cash for gay sex? Our society has made some folks stoop to such extreme levels.

He definately has d blood in him girl!!!!!!!! My advice is to leave him and find a man who has respect for his body nd his creator he did it once, its possible he will do it again xpecially if he's not truly repentant and has not given his life to God for complete deliverance.

Ur fiancee may not be Gay. Many heterosexuals have bn bi-curious or engaged in gay 4 Pay activities before. U do have to give him credit for bn open nd honest to the allegations. Do Give him a chance to prove himself right to you. Nd It Will do u good not to imagine him hitting on any guy He speaks to. If he engaged in gay sex nd he. Didn't enjoy it, he's definately not gay.

Hmmmm,this is serious.He probably really did it just cos of the money,it doesn't mean he is gay.Take it to the Lord,let him confess his sins and y'all can move on.You don't want to know what tons of people don't mention to their partners....even if someone else told you,he could have denied it after all I am sure he was not caught in the act but my sister,if you feel you just can't stand it and you are willing to let go,issokay.....

No ma'am. My friends use to do this for the money. I would have done it too if I wasn't buoyant at that point. Some got used to the lifestyle n are stil into it once once but majority have outgrown it and living their a normal life. Some in regret. So, in essence, most guys do it for the money.

No. Doesn't mean he is. I was once a victim. A senior of mine lured me in secondary school, then I dint know anything. So it doesn't mean he is gay, sit him down have a talk with him and then u can watch him.

He has had gay sex, so? He has asked u to marry him den u shld. Everyone has a past and u shld count yourself lucky dat he admitted guilt even after someone else has told u. When he admitted, did he tell u he was still into it? He said he quit. Old habits die hard I agree but u can help him not see any reason to have sex with a man again considering he still is into it. Ask urself, if u were in his shoes, will u be glad he walked away? How will u feel knowing dat he has dat information abt u yet he left? Babes, invite M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥‎​ for d wedding abeg!!!!

He's so bisexual my dear. Don't take things like that for granted else you'll come home one day & see him humping another man. Besides, everyman goes through the no money phase time & time again. Is he going to give in when there's no money. Also check your sex life, if he's into anal sex or tries to get u to do it, he's still got gay tendencies in his blood.

Bcos he has had sex wit a guy in d past doesn't mean he is still gay. U can say he was. But like he said, he was lured into doin it n not jst dat, d person dat lured him into it is his Boss. Sometimes its so tempting to resist. I'll suggest u trust n believe he as he said. U need to pray for him too. It might b u tomorow. Who knws. Be gud

U hv answered ur kwn question. A man can never i repeat never have sex wjth another man if he isnt gay.men are extremely repulsed by this.he has no reason and God is just saving u now b4 its too late to cry in ur marriage. If someone hadnt told u wld u he have ever told u this?ask urslf sincere questions

The word "gay" actually means someone who is attracted to people of the same sex.You said someone else told you about it before he confessed, it means there are other people who know about it too, so he probably did it for a long time.And yes! I agree with you, I don't believe any straight man would have gay sex for any reason. Be that as it may, he probably told u the truth when he said he's heterosexual. But I can't be with a man who allowed himself be fucked by another man. My advice to you is, if you truly love him, stick with him, because the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know. But just so you know, if there ever comes a time in the future where he needs to have sex with a man again, he'll do it.

You said it all no straight guy would allow a man have sex with him, sis that nigga is f*cking gay or was gay period. I think he's got gay tendencies in him he might not just be on a high percentage may be 30% gay the only way I could believe him was if it happened in prison and he was told to pick up d soap but put in mind he might be a change man cus some ppl grow out of that sh*t. I think u shud study him some more b4 taking the relationship to d nxt level.I rest my brain

I wldnt bet ma money thou!n I don't advise anyone to go into such relationship ...cos if has done it b4 he can do it again .n I dnt believe dat bullsh*t story dat it was all for d money .*disgusting eeeewwwww*

right ! trust your instincts on this. he's gay,you are his beard.there's no way he'd ever admit to it,never! they never do. if you want concrete evidence have him followed or set him up. besides the trust in the relationship is broken.

Be there until he tears ur behind into bits, that's when u will now know what to think, i had an ex that almost all the gay guys in sch were after, then i didn't understand that it's possible he was into the stuff or something, left him, he wants bck but the fear of a torn behind wont let me have him back.

My dear,I know how you feel. You can't even get the tot of him being gay out of your mind. But its better you found out in time and he also didn't deny it. If you truely love him,then go on with your r/ship. No one is perfect. #Duchess

Okay let us put it this way, he is BI-SEXUAL... What kind of guy is he? Allowing someone to burst his ass cos of money? Now u have both males and females to get jealous with in your life cos u don't knw which one he is gonna be sleeping with next! I sorry for you...!

well honey u better love him or leave him alone. people do crazy shit in the past dont mean it defines them in the future. what u think it doesnt bug him to picture u sleeping with ur exes and what not? u probably not exactly a saint so fuck that bulshit. you either love him and accept him for who he is now and build yall lives together for the future or u can let this come between u and go find u another man. ur choice honey but its simple. love him or leave him the fuck alone. being gay is a lot more then having anal sex. just cause a dude opened up and got fucked dont mean he is gay. being gay is a lot more then making out and sleeping with the same gender. ur life honey u choose. love him or leave that negro the fuck alone. period

Its a no for me, I would never be able to see him in the same light. A guy asking me out just lost his chances cos he asked me if I had been with a woman before, it was so awkward I wonder what he was thinking, that impression stuck.

The fact that he has had gay sex before does NOT make him gay... I went to a girls only school and can't count the number of happily married (now)women I know that were lesbians back then. I would advise you to take it like he said that he was coerced or forced into doing it, since he said he realised it wasn't for him. Its all about trust and truth is just the same way you would trust him not to have sex with another woman, trust that he won't have sex with another guy too.... I also don't blame him for not telling you since its frowned upon here its not exactly the kind of thing you just fess up to...

No sweetie. So many people have slept with same sex for one reason or the other, but that doesnt make them gay or dyke. He told you about it B/cos he's sorry and surely over it, so I think you should accept him.

I was once overly emotional and I made out with my girlfriend, but that doesnt make Me or her a dyke. We laughed over it afterwards and it never repeated. So sweetie, If he says he made a mistake, he did and he has moved on.

My dear, it doesn't really mean dat he is a gay. 4 d fact dat he had d mind 2 open up 2 u such a secret means dat he truely loves u nd dat must never be undermined. Pls try 2 delete every negative thought 4rm ur mind nd accept back ur guy. Trust him because I knw dat he will never make such a mistake agen. One love....

U rily will not be able to confirm if he's gay or not. If u luv him u'll just have to take him for his word dat he's heterosexual. My hubby used to watch shemale videos n I thot he was gay but dat was just one of his fleeting pet peeves n dat phase has passed. So just take wats he says n leave d rest to God!

When he is desperate for money again, he will have gay sex again. Once they try it, chances they will keep going back is high. And please use your head here. Forget love, gay sex has an alarming STD rate

Mumu like you,, before you got married to him , how many aristos did you have to sleep with for money? 7 out of 10 girls does that at a point in their life and its cos they have needs, am not saying what he has done is right but atleast you are married to him and you haven't complained that he doesn't do his job well in the room, abeg linda,, unto the next one..

Sorry ooo, what sort of a dumb ass question is this: "A guy that has had gay sex is gay right?"

Before what will he be? Asexual?

It's like saying a virgin lady slept with the man for money not becos she wanted to lose her virginity but because she needed money more. And after collecting money she realizes what she did and claims she's still a virgin.

Who is deceiving who?Back to the matter, as far as I'm concerned ur fiancee is so gay whether he likes it or not. The decision is up to you to continue with him. No one here can make that decision for you , my dear.

He truly might have stopped but know that its not easy to stop such thing except God in involve. so if he's a born again christian(that is if he's a christian) or a religious person then it will be easy. if he's not, there is high probability that he will go back to it if there's any money pressure later in future(that is if he has stopped now truly). So girl, Its up to you to decide and whatever you decide don't judge him.

He truly might have stopped but know that its not easy to stop such thing except God in involve. so if he's a born again christian(that is if he's a christian) or a religious person then it will be easy. if he's not, there is high probability that he will go back to it if there's any money pressure later in future(that is if he has stopped now truly). So girl, Its up to you to decide and whatever you decide don't judge him.

He truly might have stopped but know that its not easy to stop such thing except God in involve. so if he's a born again christian(that is if he's a christian) or a religious person then it will be easy. if he's not, there is high probability that he will go back to it if there's any money pressure later in future(that is if he has stopped now truly). So girl, Its up to you to decide and whatever you decide don't judge him.

I dont believe because he has had gay sex especially since it was for money that he is gay, that being said he might be bisexual. The important thing is that he has currently decided to be with you and as long as he is faithful to you his past should not concern you. Try and build for the future. That's my 2 kobo sha

His not gay,he told you why he did it,we all have our past but the issue is him not going back to the habit because it quite addictive!!!i feel your pain though,just pray about it and let God take control of the situation.

I dont believe because he has had gay sex especially since it was for money that he is gay, that being said he might be bisexual. The important thing is that he has currently decided to be with you and as long as he is faithful to you his past should not concern you. Try and build for the future. That's my 2 kobo sha

They act like they don't have brain atall... Just because he told you he 'was' gay, now you are seeing him as one.Do you know what repentance is?Do you know what change is?Do you have dick? Except you that he proposed to have a dick, then he is no longer gay. Besides, that will make him bisexual not gay.

Is he stinkingly rich from the money he got from his boss? Cuz only a very very large sum of money (in millions) can convince few straight guy to try gay sex. Most wont attempt it at all. Unfortunately, like most habits once you are in, getting back out and staying out is one the biggest battle. My advice lady is to follow your heart. If you are not comfortable with it zoom off and find another who makes you happy, if you still love him, marry him and endure if you discover in future he is screwing his driver and some of his male colleagues.

Babes, your fiancé is as gay AF. He has taken it in his arse several times. Ewwww! Have you had sex with him? If he's really good and satisfied you in bed then he could be bisexual. However if he wasn't, good at it then he's gay.

yes dear he is now gay. read Romans 1 in the bible. regardless of his reason, he did it consensually that means he has openly allowed the evil spirit in control of homosexuality to come on him. he needs to ask God for forgiveness and grace cos its a strong and stubborn spirit.

U people should stop all these and starts telling urselves the truth. There are more gay/bisexual guys out there more than straight men. Over 80% of guys re gay/bisexual, many have engaged in this act either in secondary school, prison, camps etc.

Lets stop deceiving ourselves. U that is asking this question, how sure are we u never did something with a fellow girl cos girls re into girls so much, the difference is that when girls re into girls people don't see it as anything, but when guys do, it will cause a hullabaloo.

Of course he Ȋ̝̊̅§ bi-sexual..babes let m̶̲̥̅ε̲̣̣̣̥ inform Yõµ,he will always do ΐτ̅ again..He was even the receiver(female)..And mind Yõµ,N̶̲̥̅̊Ơ̴̴͡ one in his sane mind can allow anyone stick a dick up his ass if he isn't gay,haba!

Hmmmmm. I think this is one of those things that aren't black and white. He may be gay, he may be straight. My brother had gay sex for money too (daz all am going to say abt it) but dude is also a womaniser. I can't say he'd never have gay sex again, but for d most part I think he mostly doesn't.

Personally i wouldn't let it bother me too much. Gwen Stephani's husband lived with a man for 2 years or so. He's still Gwen now and straight from all accounts. And I think this for me is where I'm a little unsure of this theory that people are born gay. Maybe some. And I do also believe for others, it was a choice. They chose to have homosexual relationship for whatever reason & now they have heterosexual. Don't let it bother u too much, I would say.

Contrary to the myths and misconceptions, not all guys who hv gay sex are gays... Some guys without having sexual feelings for other guys still engage in gay sex for various reasons.. E.g when drunk, for money or just for curiosity.. Not all MSMs (men who have sex with men) are gays. Just like a lot of girls sleep with guys for money and are not prostitutes.. Being Gay isn't always about sex as people take it to be, there's always an attraction, watch out if he is attracted to guys.. As far as he loves u and does u *winks* u should let go of the past and embrace love.. I think Nigerians need to do more study on Gay people/MSMs

@ poster, when he engaged in such practice was he the "receiver" or the "giver"? If he received then he could be bisexual. If he gave then he could have been imagining his partner as a female...making it more understandable. At least that's how I see it. For me though receiving or giving, man on man action is gay (I don't have anything against gays by the way). I guess you would need to choose whether or not you can live with his past.

Did I read 'after a few romps'? My sister, the guy is gay and there's no doubt abt it.. If u didn't confront him abt it, wld he have told u? Even if he did it 4 d money like he claimed, it wldnt be more than once 4 a guy.. My sister don't be ssurprised if he does it again when u guys get married n says it was cos of money.. For the love of God, he got fucked in the ass..

the way Nigerians think make me sick...if a lady can get to broke and got lured into sex by a married man, then money can push pastors to do sad things. he apologized, i owe so much respect to apologies...i blv he isnt gay. give him that benefit.

the way Nigerians think make me sick...if a lady can get too broke and got lured into sex by a married man or ur boss insists on sex to get promoted to a priority post in an office, then if money can push pastors to do sad things. he apologized, i owe so much respect to apologies...i blv he isnt gay. give him that benefit.

Thing is if he can have gay sex for money,heaven only knows what else he would do for money n am sure u know money na visitor. Babe, his character is in question here.will he sacrifice u or ur future kids for money. Can u really trust him? A broken engagement is better than a divorce.

Baby gurl!ur guy is a bisexual!!no real str8 guy would bend cos of money unless outta curiousity...gaysex is very very hard to stop.it plants a seed in any one that does it.gaysex is an addiction that's why u still find married bisexuals in the act...not only money can turn a str8 guy gay (the tendency is very common)lesbianism is far common than gay buh nobody bothers to show disgust or concern...am str8 and I dont care abt wot d next guy does with his lyf.back to d mata!baby gurl marry ur boo and move on a lot of women are living wit their bisex husband buh urs is a repented one..

Nobody is born gay, forget what some science claim. It is a habit learned and once learned difficult to part with. He will have gay sex in the future. He cannot stop himself and the 'forced' excuse is very popular among practitioners

free this guy, d fact that he slept with a guy makes him a faggot, period, just the same way a girl who does runs cannot say shes not a prostitute. if u cannot get past thinking about him sleepin wit a guy everytime he speaks wit one, u will never ever get past it. i left my ex cos she used to do runs and everytime i cudnt determine where she was i kept thinking she was doin it, i never cud get past it, leaving her was hard, but eventually i did. till 2moro i can never trust her even if shes a changed person. if u cant trust someone, pls free the person for the sanity of both of u cos u will have a very sad rship. person wey enter prison commot shebi na ex-convict dem dey call am? regardless of wether he was rightfully convicted or not, abi obasanjo no be ex-c0nvict? and them also say 'once a soldier, always a soldier', any man who's had sex with another guy for whatever reason is GAY, period.

So, u knew u had gal-lovers it didn't bother u bt now u heard he has had a boylover and its bothering u?Wat exactly is d difference? Dere is still f**ing involved. So bcos he did it 1ce with a man everyone is now assuming dat he is an ashewo and a potential cheater.Ma dear, our past doesn't define our future. Do not allow pple 2 destroy ur beautiful relationship. He says he is nt into it, I blieve him nd u shld too. D fact dat he even admitted to it goes to show au mch he loves u. Its nt easy to 4get d past bt trust me 1 day u will.4 u pple's info,so many men do dis things now 4 money, infact dem plenty 4 9ja.

Bisexual it's a word coined by men and women who are in denial about their sexuality. Fact of the matter is the guy is homosexual. Take it or leave . Infact the two of you weirdos just get back in your closet , till you are ready to come out.

Dats gross, sha. come on babe who had sex to pay school fees, daa, u are a prostitute, commonly buttered as runs by university students. It's mostly ignorance dat makes girls do it, or peer pressure but take it from me, u are a pro, and ur bf, has gay tendencies. Be careful girl.

1. waht if u didn't find out?2. Minus the gay stuff, how nice is he? Better than your ex? 3. Swear u neva slept wt an older man for money? 4. Does he love, respect, care and trusts you reasonably? If ur answer to any of the above questions is in the positive, then, gv hm the benefit of the doubt. But if negative, bounce ASAP. #my2Cents

I'll advise u 2 leave him dear. Nt bcs he is gay bt bcs u heard it frn someone first b4 him so it was kinda an open secret! If he had toldd u frm d onset I believe u won't be asking libers this question! And also guys r so unpredictable, once they try something and abandone it, with time they always go back to have another taste of it. Just like a guy who cheats b4 marriage would most def cheat after marriage! Honey, don't be his beard !

He is above 16, 18, 20, 24, 28 year...nah there is a problem because he was very alert of what the circumstance would have been. He would have sued the Boss for sexual assault and make more money. If he was like 12 i would say ok forgive him. But let me tell you if he has the mind to open up to you. Omo he really hates it and regret doing it.

My gurl friend has had lesbian sex...even in our relationship she's had it once...But men i luv her to boot. U know y? She's by no means lesbian, regardless. A lesbian will prefer women to men, just as a gay man would rather men than women. Besides there is the little lesbian like the little bitch in every woman; that doesn't mean all women are lesbians! My baby is deliciously busty and sexy and lesbians love busty women like hell. S they run after her like bees after nectar!! As for my woman, she loves and adores my penis. Ayeeih!! In fact she worships it cos of what my cock does to her. Can any woman make her cum like five times in one sex session while she orgasms over and again as she quakes and soaks my sheets with her copious squirts? She's da bomb!!!! Gurl if he's the one that chased you, and you fell for his effort, give him the benefit of the doubt. If he is not gay, he's not gay, no matter the number of gay tryst he may have had.....

Pls he wasn't being open or honest abt anything, did u see when she wrote that she CONFRONTED him with the allegation after someone else told her about it!?! So pls this his supposed "brief activity" was very well KNOWN KNOWLEDGE. The dude be dodgy babe....

No he isnt gay. I am also a victim. At age 12 a senior lured and tricked me in secondary school. Inshort i had to leave the school coz of that act, and regretted ever going there. And to my notice i am so inlove with a girl, and have been with so many girls which i find attractive. But for ur Fiancé, if he was above 18 years. i really dont know what lead him to commit it, because he should have sued the boss for sexual assault and get good pay. And what would he do for money again.

Why are you asking us??? The fact that the guy had gay sex because of money should give you a clue to his character- he will resort to desperate measures next time trouble comes- including selling you and your kids if necessary! By the way, where is he from? *sigh* just asking as some Nigerian tribes have no qualms about sexual perversion in the name of money! Don't say aunty didn't warn you!

yes love he is GAY! or bisexual but definitely not straight. if you can live with that's fine, but the question is what will he do when you guys run into financial difficulties in future? for those of you saying you know people who had gay or lesbian encounters and are now married, in a country like Nigeria where homosexuality is a crime; almost all homosexuals marry, it does mean they are not homos, they simply cannot be who they really are, and most still carry on their practise in secret