May 19, 2009

Advertising Today: A Parody Of Itself

A few days ago, college teacher and fellow blogger Christopher (Kit) Simpson sent me a satirical piece he had written about something he made up called "the brand footprint."

The "brand footprint" was a concoction of marketing gibberish and double-talk Christopher invented to parody all the insufferable branding bullshit we have to contend with every day from phonies who can't think straight or talk in plain English.

Little did he know that the ad industry has become such a parody of itself that the "brand footprint" actually exists.

"I swear on Bibles, Korans, and (even more sacred) old Batman comics, not only did I just make up the term, I almost decided against it as being too over-the-top," says Christopher. But, of course, there is no bullshit too stinky for the contemporary world of brand babble.

"Never dawned on me to actually look it up online, but a friend just sent me a link..."

Prioritize your brand...

Brand Footprint utilizes sales, brand health and market data as the backbone, while the axis are based on the priorities for your brand. We aim to set business, social, brand and product performance benchmarks that are critical to the holistic performance of your brand.

No, that is not the parody, that is the real thing.

As Christopher says..."There is no way to satirize the 'new advertising.' "

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Ad Contrarian Says:

"Creative people make the ads. Everyone else makes the arrangements."

"Delusional thinking isn't just acceptable in marketing today -- it's mandatory.""Good ads appeal to us as consumers. Great ads appeal to us as humans."

"Social Media: Tens of millions of disagreeable people looking to make trouble."

"As an ad medium, the web is a much better yellow pages and a much worse television."

"Sometimes success in the advertising business is about sitting quietly and letting clients proceed with their hysterical delusions."

"Marketers prefer precise answers that are wrong to imprecise answers that are right."

"Brand studies last for months, cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, and generally have less impact on business than cleaning the drapes."

"The idea that the same consumer who was frantically clicking her TV remote to escape from advertising was going to merrily click her mouse to interact with it is going to go down as one of the great advertising delusions of all time."

"Nobody really knows what "creativity" is. Every year thousands of people take a pilgrimage to find out. This involves flying to Cannes, snorting cocaine, and having sex with smokers."

"Marketers habitually overestimate the attraction of new things and underestimate the power of traditional consumer behavior."

"We don’t get them to try our product by convincing them to love our brand. We get them to love our brand by convincing them to try our product."

"In American business, there is nothing stupider than the previous generation of management."

"If the message is right, who cares what screen people see it on? If the message is wrong, what difference does it make?"

"The only form of product information on the planet less trustworthy than advertising is the shrill ravings of web maniacs."

"There's no bigger sucker than a gullible marketer convinced he's missing a trend."

"All ad campaigns are branding campaigns. Whether you intend it to be a branding campaign is irrelevant. It will create an impression of your brand regardless of your intent."

"Nobody ever got famous predicting that things would stay pretty much the same."