Saturday, November 08, 2008

A couple of weeks ago my '99 Honda Civic, Phoebe, began having some problems. Hondas are good cars, but the older ones are vulnerable to headgasket problems, which are expensive to fix. I was looking at a bill of close to $4000, which was a lot, but I thought I could swing it.

That same week, we were told at work that there would be a 10% paycut, begining in '09. We also had 2 lay-offs in my office, leaving the rest of the staff feeling irritable and anxious. Then we got our benefits info for '09. My HMO was no longer offered. I will be switching to Blue Cross and my cost per pay period will rise from $58 to $125. I currently am paying nothing for test strips, but next year will have a 10% co-payment. I also pay nothing for lab tests, but next year another 10% co-payment. All of these 10%s can add up to a lot of dough. Some of the younger people with good health are choosing to not have insurance at all. I cannot take that risk.

I am giving up the car. At least for now. Minneapolis has a reasonable public transportation system, and I am already taking the bus to work. I won't have to shovel it out for snow emergencies, or worry about it starting after a stretch of below-zero weather. I have lots of warm clothes and the extra walking will do me good.

I can clearly feel myself blaming the diabetes for this. It is convenient to blame the db for everything that goes wrong in my life.............

I am getting old and don't like it...blame the diabetes.I think I saw a strand of grey hair ...blame the diabetes.I am no longer comfortable wearing high heels all day and feel like a frumpy school marm in flat shoes ...blame the diabetes.My dvd player is broken.. blame the diabetesMy neighborhood is no longer quiet and quaint...blame th ediabetesWinter is coming to Minnesota...blame the diabetes.

Last weekend I was out doing errands. It was cold and gray. Then, I came upon this (and fortunately had my camera):

We had already had a hard freeze, yet still these little guys were showing themselves, magnificent against the shriveling brown vines. And, my favorite shades of blue. Now, had I been driving in my car, I would have missed out on this blatant message that there is goodness and beauty around us - just keep your eyes open.

This next year I'm going to try to put the db into it proper place in my life - and shoot, I don't know what that might be. Too much focus and I am preoccupied and overwhelmed and conveniently dump all of my discontent into the db box; too little focus and I feel unwell and my life is shortened. DB is just one of many threads woven into the structure that we use to define ourselves. And I need to decide where it fits in.

About Me

I have had Type 1 diabetes since 1974. In August of 2010, I endured a life-threatening health crisis resulting in acute kidney failure. I started dialysis in October, 2010 and it's was the biggest challenge of my life.
Then, on January 12, 2012, I was told by my nephrologist that my labs had improved to the point where I no longer needed the treatments. It has been the biggest joy of my life.
The support and love sent my way by the diabetes online community has been incredible.