I am one of those who is better in expressing their feelings through words than really speaking it out. So Here I put out all my feelings which was actually my little secret from 16 years. Almost everything I put out over here are the thoughts which come to me when I am half asleep or totally no idea what I am doing.. So obviously its my innermost feelings.! Like It Or Not I Dont Care Until n Unless There Is Someone who really understands what I write..!!

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C.Jinadatta Raya aka C.J.Raya is my sweet Grandpa. It seems, that I opened my eyes as soon as I was born, and that he was the first one to kiss them.

This man, had 3 kids, and 4 grand kids, including me. His love for his grandchildren was too much. He looked after us as if we were his own kids. My brother and my 2 cousins got to see Circus and were able to visit parks because of him. He was the one who taught them Lagori, Marbles, Gilli Dandu, Cricket and all the games.

As I was born way, way after them and as I am the only Grand Daughter he has, his love for me was much more. I was his little angel :) <3. Everyday, he used to take me on a ride on his vehicle. When I was 3, I got a tricycle, and he used to run behind me, everywhere I went, making sure I was safe. He used to daily drop me to school. And he even took me out wherever I wanted. After his retirement, dropping me and picking me up became his job.

When I was a little girl, being with my grandparents was heaven. But as I started growing up, everything started to fall apart. As they were of older generation they never accepted anything I did, and it used to make me angry. I did what I wanted, nevertheless, but still I used to fight with them and hurt them. I always felt bad for doing that because, they didn't know about the world know, I should have told them calmly just the way they had taught me life. But I never did :(.

No matter what happened, there was a strong bond between me and my grandpa. We fought like hell and everything, but this unspoken bond was always there. It all started the day, we both PLANTED a Tulasi Plant in a pot. He had held my hand and made me dig the mud, then made me keep the plant and close the mud. Then he made sure I watered it. Everyday, I used to water plants with him. That's how our bond grew. With nature.

Soon, one POT in our home, turned to a full Garden, not only in front but in the backyard as well. We used to plant them together and water them daily, and silently watch them grow. Even when we were angry with each other, we did this, and we understood each other through the silence.

This is how I came to love nature. Whenever I was sad, I just climb up to my house side terrace, and sit there as long as I want. All the trees in my house bend over there and sitting there is like sitting in the midst of nature. Its a very blissful place.

Anyway, Nature was the one which kept the bond between us. Even though we never told it to each other, We loved each other like anything. My grandpa was just an ordinary man, yet he is an inspiration for many.

Even at the age of 85, he used to ride his vehicle and go to market to get stuff for home. He never allowed anyone else to do. Whenever someone pointed it out he would just say, "They are too young. Moreover, Its my job, and I don't like asking for help".

It was his policy. Whatever work there was, no matter how difficult, if it was HIS JOB, HE HIMSELF has to do it. He would never ask or take another person's help. He never even told someone to do something, which he himself could have done. He believed in WORK IS WORSHIP.

One another best thing in him was that, He never asked anyone for money. He would starve forever rather than asking someone. Even though he didn't study much, he worked hard, saved money, and constructed a new house, the house where I live in, the house I call my home.

Whatever money he had, he was content with that. Even though his salary was less, he managed the whole house hold activity. He had even given some money to his wife saying, when I die, use this money to make all the further things. I have never been in another man's debt and I never want to. Even when I die.

He has seen the whole of India, and have even been to all the places of the world except US and UK. It was dream to visit US and see everything over there. My cousin had even told him that he would make sure that he took both my grandpa and grandma there within another 6 months.

He had only one DREAM, and that was to see me SETTLED. He wanted to see me standing on my own legs, totally independent, head held high. He was really eager to see my 12th board results. No matter how good or bad the results might have come out, he would have been proud of me. He is the only one who understood my DREAM.

Everyone in my house was against me when I said I wanted to take up animation right after 10th. But my grandpa took my side. He made very valid points, but alas it was all left to my parents and they said, "No animation till you degree is over". While I suffered in silence, my grandpa collected all the flyers, brochures, and the made some cuttings in paper, all related to animation. He kept them all in a file, and used to show it to me. He used to sit and talk to me, asking me which I think was the best of them and which I should join.

My parents never knew about this, till date they don't. It was something secret that me and my grandpa had. Another special bond. He would do anything to see me happy. And I just love him for that.

My only regret is that, I wasn't with you during the last few moments of your life :'(. Everyone keeps telling me how you had asked of me :(. How you had asked of your Pooji :'( </3. He has asked, "Where is my Pooji? I want to see her", and before someone could call me and tell me that you wanted to see me, you left us all :'(.

Why grandpa? :( Why did you have to leave so soon? :'(. Why did you leave your Pooji alone? :(

You were so eager to see my results, and just a week before it, you had to leave? :(.

Now whom will I go show my results? Whom will I run to with a big smile on my face and give a hug?

Who will write down all my MARKS, and show it to EACH AND EVERY PERSON that came to our house, saying My Granddaughter scored this much? :(

I still remember the last thing I ever told you. It was when I was taking you to the hospital and you were not able to walk. I took hold of your hand, looked into your eyes and had asked, "You have become so weak Tata. What happened to my Strong Man?" And you, you had just given me your beautiful smile and patted my head <3 :) :(.

I miss you gramp :(, and I need you :'(. Its been 2 days without you and every morning I wake up hoping to see you sitting on the Sofa, waiting for me to wake up, and to tell me that it was all a bad dream :(. But you are never here :'(. Are you never going to come back? :( Will I never be able to see you again? :( Will I never be able to listen to your voice? :'(

Today I tried something. I climbed the terrace and sat there among the trees, waiting to feel your presence.

I might have felt it, if I had stayed there. But I couldn't. Seeing all those trees brought back the memories of me and you planting them together, of you holding my hand and it hurt me :(. I wanted to be with you :( and I came back down.

Being with nature is the only way I can be with you now, but its hurting me to go there Gramp :(. Please gramp give me some of your strength, otherwise the plants we both looked after will leave this world, just like you :( and I can't lose it too :'(. Please be with me Gramp. Even though you aren't here, I want to feel as if you are here. Please just be with me Gramp :( Or I would crash and burn :'(. You are my strength <3.

I'm sorry I never told this before :( but I LOVE YOU Gramp <3 A lot :). And I miss you :(. I wish you were here <3 :(. May You Rest In Peace <3 :). And I hope you are having a great next adventure :) :* <3.

Yay! Guys, This is my 50th post :). Feeling really good. I can't believe that I actually made 50 posts. I'm dancing up and down.

From the past few days, I've been wondering, what to write in my 50th POST? It is very special to me, and hence I decided to write about something special.

And what is more special than the BOND of a BROTHER and SISTER? :D

Actually, this guy is my BFAM(Brother From Another Mother).I met him on net, through a community called Hogwarts School.I called him BHAIYYA :D and soon we became really close.Our closeness grew to such height that we are not only Bro & Sis but best friends as well.I can tell him anything, ANYTHING.

And he tells me everything :).

I wrote a poem for him 5 years ago. It was my FIRST POEM EVER. It is not really good, I mean I had no idea how to write a poem. But it still means a lot to me, because it was dedicated to him.

He is a person whom I adore the most,

The one who inspires me and teaches me.

If I ever get good grades in social,

Its all because of him.

One day his time came,

His dream to serve the country was here.

I was happy and proud,

But somewhere in heart it pained.

Brave and very kind hearted he is,

The one who taught me life.

I miss him, I know it,

But he will come back soon.

Just for me, for his chipkali,

I will wait for sure.

That was the poem, I wrote for him :D. His dream is to join the INDIAN ARMY and he had taken his exams once, in the pain of not being able to talk to him for a long time, I wrote this :).

I can't believe that it seems such a long time back, so much has happened till then. Our bond has grown much strong.

Its my wish to make this guy proud of me, cause just like Vikas(my sibling), Kamal is also my brother.

I'm much close to Kamal than I'm with my own bro, maybe thats because of the age gap, but still, here is a guy I can count on any day, any time. Well, Except when is sleeping :| Cause he is like a great-great-great-grand son of Kumbhakaran :P. Once he sleeps, its difficult to wake him up :(. I don't know how his mom manages to wake him up :P xD.

Anyways, Its been almost 1 year and 2 months since I started my blog, and I had never imagined that I would keep this blog alive. I really feel good, because not only did I express my feelings, I also found many people to actually feel and know what I felt. I really have to THANK YOU 83 followers for reading all my rambling. I don't know how you can tolerate it :P, but you guys do, and I really love you guys for that.

One of the biggest-selling Japanese thriller, now available in India, and soon to be made as a cult movie.

The book is extremely thrilling and totally un-put-downable. The book has been written in such a beautiful way that anyone can wonder, how one person can think about so many things in so many different ways.

Every character in the book are brilliant, their thoughts and the way they go about their life, is shown out in such a suspense matter, that it makes you wonder how can one have so much secrets and yet be as if nothing has happened.

The book is not only thrilling and full of suspense but it is also inspirational. Every character has hidden secrets. The way everyone put their past behind them and decided to lean on the future, is really inspirational. There is so much to learn in each one of them. There is good and bad part in all of them, but their choice decides their future. While some make the right choice, some make the bad one, but in the end everything is for the best.

The author, Keigo Higashino deserves a big round of applause and much more for writing such a story. The thoughts, lifestyle, passion, love, hate and everything has been explained in a magnified and theatrical way. Too good is all I can say. Hats off to the author.

One of the main characters Yasuko, is a single mother who lives with her daughter. She would be leading a comfortable and happy life, until one day, when her ex-husband suddenly appears in front of her. At that moment, her whole life comes down shattering when that happens. Yasuko works in a boxed lunches shop. Her personality is the one of calm and cool person. Even if she is a Single mother, and going through a rough time, she manages to act as if nothing has happened so that her daughter can be happy.

Misato, the daughter of Yasuko, is also one of the main characters. Even though her mom hides her sorrow from her, she knows about it and tries to make her happy. She is always ready to strive for her mom. The girl's personality if of a fun loving girl who will do anything for her mom.

Ishgami, the next door neighbor of Yasuko, is one of the most important characters. Being a maths teacher, his love for numbers is totally shown out in this book. His love for a woman, makes him take huge risks and also help her to get out of troubles. His love and his passion shows us that True Love still exists. His personality is not only loving and caring, but also mysterious and very brilliant.

This book is a total thriller, filled with awesome and very interesting twists. I would totally recommend this to anyone and everyone who would love to read. A really awesome book. Must read.