Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Politicians shake your hand before elections and your confidence after

No Glue Factory for this Bronco: Coach David Plouffe is planning his strategy for the kickoff game in Denver. His star quarterback, #1, Iron-Man Obama had been scheduled to meet the press in the Denver Pepsi Center. Problem was that that venue was more Pepsi Light since the arena could only accommodate 20,000 screaming Pepsi generation fans. Coach Plouffe wanted to showcase his recent draft pick in a bigger venue so he figured, why not get on his high horse and more than triple the number seats available for screaming fans? He hoped the move would Orange Crush the competition. So the Barackster will suit up for the Denver Demos in 50 days or so and throw a touchdown toss of his hat into the ring of the official presidential nomination.

Who will be the Star Quarterback’s backup?: The fans have been frantically trying to forge their Fantasy Football player selection for the second string quarterback. The Chauvinist Cardinal fantasy team’s most logical pick for the number “Twoster” to the Iron-Man would be “Iron-my-shirt” Clinton. But that one won’t happen. Fantasy drafters have said “Bye Bye Bayh and Biden,” Missouri Senator McCaskill was passed on because an Obama-McKaskill ticket had too many letters for the jersey. Ditto for Rockerfeller, a converted Center, unless he uses his first name, Jay. Some like Bill Richardson for the backup slot because of the double minority play. Other possibilities include Tom “Hundred-Yard” Daschle, Kathleen “Rebellious” Sebelius, Dick “The Gipper” Gephart, and Al “He’s no Bore” Gore. We can hardly wait to see how the fantasy draft goes.

Repubs Hope America will Take a Liking to this Viking: If Senator Obama plans to hold his acceptance speech on the night of a pre-season NFL game in the Mile High city, The Republicans can answer from St. Paul, Minnesota’s Xcel Energy Center one week later. Led by battle-scarred veteran John McCain, the official announcement will touchdown the night of the opening of the NFL season. Head Coach Rick Davis’s head has reportedly been on the chopping block lately but he must figure that all the opponent’s fans will be in the bars to watch the game and miss the announcement. It has also been reported that Coach Davis is worried that his starting quarterback will have difficulty reading the teleprompter plays. Also Republican strategists concede that playing to a full house is not their quarterback’s greatest strength.

Who will navigate the Second Seat in the McCain fighter plane?: The list of the possible draftees to back up the Republican’s Arizona Wrangler is a long one. Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman, journeyman backup has been with the Denver Demos, the Iowa Independents, and the Rhode Island Republicans and clearly wants the job. Lindsey “Otto” Graham would also drawl his South Carolina accent if he were selected. Texan Kay Bailey Hutchison is among the other possibilities as well as “Gator” Charlie Crist, and Jed “Who’s Your Daddy” Bush. But the Vicar of Vicedom on this team looks like the recently graduated Bobby Jindal. Don’t touch that dial, folks, this could be a barnburner.