I woke up this morning with red hair. Now, this was intentional. I went to my stylist mentally prepared to just add a few highlights and I walked out with red hair (just to be clear, this was impulsive and I asked for it and I LOVE it).

Before my stylist went to mix the color, she said "Now, Ariel, once we do this it will take a lot of work to go lighter. Are you really, totally and completely, sure you want to do this?" After she said that my heart started to beat faster and my palms got sweaty and I thought "Shucks....oh good grief, do I?!" This was all after I had already made the decision. I was wholeheartedly second guessing myself.

I did it. And when I woke up and groggily glanced at myself in the mirror I was startled. I was genuinely scared thinking this was some screwy version of the body-snatchers. Then I laughed.

This is how you know you need to refresh your relationship. You wake up one morning and do not recognize yourself (which, in my opinion, is a lot scarier than thinking you don't recognize your partner). People change. We all do, and some changes are obvious and others sneak up on you. Having an identity crisis is something that is freaky, because if you don't know you, then how can anyone else accept you?

Now, I do not intend to suggest that an identity crisis or change means you desperately need help. I just believe that it is a darn good indicator that something is up. It means that your insecurities are real and it is time to tap into your partner for some extra boosts. And this does NOT mean you fit the description only if you dyed your hair.

Do you feel lonely (even when you come home to your partner nearly daily)? Do you feel fear because you feel as though you are growing and your partner isn't? Or is your partner getting involved in something that five years earlier he/she would have scoffed at? Do you find yourself second guessing what you were going to say because it would make things awkward? Are you being honest with yourself and your partner?

If ANY of those questions caused any bells to ring, you need to refresh your relationship. I am of the thought that everyone could always tidy up. There generally aren't many signs you need to refresh anything until it becomes...well...not fresh. And usually when something is rotten it is past the point of maintenance.

So give your relationship an oil change. Check in. Recognize yourself and your relationship to the point where you feel confident.

Join us June 1st for a FREE workshop specifically designed to give your relationship the boosts it needs. Space is limited, so fill out our registration form to reserve your spot. Jami and Marla will be offering FREE (don't you love that word?!) 15-minute consultations at the end.

It is criminal how easy it is to fade away from the intimacy your relationship once flared with. At first, it's all butterflies and looking at your phone every three minutes to see if they have responded to your previous text. Then it slowly fades.

I think this is why it is so tricky, because it feels like you wake up one morning and your relationship doesn't have the same excitement it used to. Now, one of my pet peeves is when girlfriends or guy friends use this as reason to end a relationship. Just because you don't get the same butterflies as you did when you first started spending time with this person, it doesn't mean your relationship is over. How absolutely ridiculous would it be if, simply because you were beginning to be comfortable around a person, it meant that you could no longer be friends/lovers/spouses etc?

So here's the deal: get your rear in gear. Don't idly sit by as your relationship plummets into the pits of despair. Here are a few SIMPLE and EASY ideas that anyone in a couple-ship can do, and they can be done with hardly lifting a finger (no, it does not require spending the evening in a rented out stadium, while Jack Johnson serenades you into finding that "spark" again).

1. Keep date night sacred! Pick one night a week that is for you and your lover. If you can't manage once a week, go for at least ONE night a month. This can be as simple as making dinner together (and getting a baby-sitter if you have little kiddos around the house, even if this is just once a month...what will cost less, 12 nights a year for a baby-sitter or your sanity?).

2. Surprise each other. Whether this is as small as writing a little love note and putting it in their wallet or a surprise movie night, this will certainly be unexpected and can result in maybe a long overdue foot massage.

3. Have more sex! Now, not only will this allow for more intimacy but it has been PROVEN to boost the immune system and release stress.

4. Dance together. Regardless of if this in in the kitchen, on the patio, or out at your favorite night club.

5. Soak up some vitamin D together! Start a garden, share lawn chores, or just go for a walk around the block. Not only will your body thank you with endorphin's but even just 10 minutes a day can allow you to actually listen and be listened to when asked about the day.

6. Thank each other. When you are busy counting the ways you wish your partner could improve, you miss giving gratitude when they do something you appreciate. Give thanks when it is due.

So, pick any two of the six above. Maybe experiment with it by not telling your partner what you are doing, and see what happens. I can guarantee that they will not only notice, but will respond in equal kindness and love.

Do you have any ideas on how you rekindle your love? All comments below can be anonymous, and we would love the keep the conversation going!

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