Barack Obama: The Great White Hope

July 24, 2008

Most experts agree that Barack Obama is the favorite to win in November. Being one of the more charismatic candidates to come along, he has electrified the black community especially; making them proud to say that one of their own may finally be in position to enact change in the nation’s highest office.

And therein lies the rub: Obama, the darling of the media, possessor of endless wit and a spotless record, is half-white.

My question is…why haven’t white people tried to claim him yet?

Look at this guy – a family man with great values. He’s perfect! He’d be one of the finest white presidents to come along in years. You’ve got to wonder when white people will stand up as a group, clear their throats, and address the elephant in the room – namely, the half-caucasian elephant who is very charming and might get to be president.

This is a guy with less skeletons in his closet than an anally retentive serial killer, and you’re not going to try to horn in on this? It’s a little surprising is all I’m saying. Are you telling me that you’re going to give him up just because he looks more black than white? Our forefathers dished out years of social oppression just so we could enjoy this incredible white male as president hot streak. There is a long line of half-white/half-black guys extending long streaks who we’ve billed as our own. Take Cal Ripken, for instance.

Black people invented rock and roll, and that didn’t stop white people from taking credit for that!

And black people: don’t worry. I know it sounds like you get stiffed on this one, but in eight to twelve years you’ll get to claim the guy from 24 as the first black president. I think we can all agree that not only is that guy going to be a better president than Obama…he’s going to be a better president than anybody. Just look at him.

My prediction? If Obama wins, white people will start being sticklers about the whole ethnicity thing. And Barack, if you’re reading this, and you win, I personally can’t wait to one day hear your acceptance speech when you’re inducted into the White President Hall of Fame. You’ll be alongside the greats such as Washington, Jefferson, and Bill Pullman from Independence Day.