About Me

Welcome to my site. I’m very glad you’re here. My name is Devon, and I am a thirty-something American woman who is taking some time to explore the world and myself.

My ADHD Journey

I was diagnosed with ADHD as a teenager and was medicated for part of my time in college, but my pride, shame, distrust of the medical community, and the symptoms from the disorder itself kept me from receiving the necessary treatment and support for nearly 15 years. I spent the first decade of my working life in a constant state of overwhelm, feeling like an imposter who didn’t belong, and who was continually, ungracefully teetering on the edge of a cliff, just barely keeping it together enough to avoid descending into absolute chaos.

I have quit every career that I have pursued, from politics to law school to teaching. At some point in each of those endeavors the feeling of overwhelm grew too debilitating, and I needed to run away. Most recently, I left teaching and my life in New York City to move to a Caribbean island in Mexico, in hopes of finding a career and lifestyle more compatible with my neurobiology.

Today I am ready to come out of the messy closet of shame, embarrassment, guilt, anxiety, and despair and face my ADHD head on. The older I get, the more I realize how much of my life has been dictated by my ADHD. I am finally ready to take control of it, rather than to continue to let my ADHD control me.

I Am Not Broken, and Neither Are You

Living as an adult woman with ADHD is emotionally isolating. Many stereotypically “feminine” responsibilities, from remembering to send birthday cards to keeping a clean and organized home, are particularly difficult for us. For years I refused to take my diagnosis seriously, and instead believed my ADHD related deficits to be proof of my poor character. I struggled against an ever present voice in my head telling me I was lazy, slovenly, immature, and ultimately broken.

Recently, however, I had the good fortune of making friends with a fellow teacher at the school where I used to work who also has ADHD. Through my friendship with her I have had the great joy of being truly understood. Conversely, by observing just how (unjustly) hard she is on herself, I have been able to see myself with somewhat kinder and more compassionate eyes.

My friend is amazing. She is an intelligent, energetic, charismatic, empathic, loving woman who is fiercely committed to her students’ wellbeing. And if she is not broken, but instead the bearer of all these other beautiful qualities, than perhaps I am not broken either. Perhaps I, like her, am so much more than the deficits associated with my ADHD.

Healing Together

My intention for this website is to share of my own experience accepting and living with ADHD in the hopes that it may help other women who relate to my journey. I don’t have many answers to offer, but I’m committed to writing openly and honestly about my experience with the condition. I very much hope I can offer you what my friend has given me — the understanding that you are not alone, and you are far from broken.

Yours in Scattered Sisterhood,

Devon

www.ADHDevon.com

P.S. If you can relate to anything I write about on this site, I would love to hear from you in the comments section. I appreciate all feedback, and want this site to be a place where all women with ADHD can feel heard, understood, and accepted.

Hey Devon– I am on this same journey myself and, like you, am also just at the place of coming to full acceptance with it (I don’t think I’m quite there as much as you are tho! But I’m getting there) and, more importantly, and realizing just how much it’s so affected my jobs, education, career or lack of career choices, my family, and mainly, mostly, my relationship with my partner of 5 years, my sweetie, who now is currently breaking up with me, mainly due to what I see as lack of effective management and of the various ways the condition plays out inside of me. So, needless to say, your blog is VERY timely and I SO look forward to reading more. I, too, relate to the utter exhaustion and overwhelm you feel from every job choice you’ve had… And, you are SO amazing and SO bursting with talent at all seams everyone who you touch can see it from a mile away. And that’s no understandmenf. I am really looking forward to this blog..

Thank you for your very kind and candid comment, Lauren. I’m so sorry to hear of your breakup and the pain your ADHD has caused you. I promise I will write more about my relationships, particularly the romantic/sexual ones, because good lord almighty have they been affected by mine. I hold a lot of shame there, but I am committed to being brave and to excavating those tombs soon enough. I hope this website can be a place where we grown women with ADHD can lift each other up and support each other. If you see me as “amazing” and “bursting with talent” despite all the deficits I reveal on here, perhaps you can see yourself in a similar light as well. <3 Again, thank you.

Im sorry that you are going through this, but it was actually my bf of almost 4 years breaking up with me that started this whole process for me! (Big blessing in disguise!). I definitely didnt know it at the time, and it definitely sucked, A LOT, but everything happens for a reason. We are strong people, we just have to find that strength and use it!

Devon,
Thanks for this undertaking, and for creating community. I was diagnosed as a child, and felt deep shame about it. One blessing is that I’m able to (imperfectly and messily) work with students who have ADHD as a school counselor. For me, the negative side effects of medication have outweighed the benefits. Parenting/marriage with ADHD is challenging, and it’s heartening to read other’s challenges with relationships & work. I’d love to come to a place in life where I feel content and skilled in a few areas, rather than many abandoned projects and mediocrity.

Thanks so much for you comment, Celeste. I too gave up medication due to its side effects about a decade ago, though I’m considering going back on them now. I plan on writing about that difficult decision in a future post. What is clear to me is that women with a ADHD are so very hard on themselves and carry so much shame, but there is relief in coming out to one another and realizing that our experiences don’t have to be so darn isolating.

Hi Devon! Thank you so much for sharing your story! I’m so thankful to finally find other people out there that have also spent much of their life not quite understanding why sometimes basic tasks can be absolutley paralizing. Even though I started taking medication a couple of years ago – I’ve never had a doctor that could even point me to a good book that could help me learn more about this diagnosis. The medication has helped part of my issues – but reading stories like yours is really helping me see how much ADHD affected my whole life. I am hoping this new understanding of this issue will help me be more forgiving and less critical of myself.
Many thanks! 🙂
Heather

Heather, thank you so much for your comment. My purpose for this blog is exactly that–to share of my own journey coming to understand myself and my ADHD in hopes that it will help other women come to understand their own better, and thus live with less shame and more joy. Comments like yours keep me motivated to keep at it.
In scattered sisterhood,
Devon

Do you remember those old commercials for depression with the sad little egg following the woman around everywhere? Thats what i thought my life was. I was depressed that i couldnt “suck it up” and “get over it.” I couldnt focus because i was too distracted by my depressed thoughts. Constant failures without explanation caused me to be my own worst enemy. I became so anxious over my lack of control and self-confidence, that panic attacks scrambled my brain to a level of chaos that questioned all reality. Yet somehow i made it here.

It is through people like you, sharing their stories and experiences with ADHD, that im starting to realize that this was my problem all along!! For the first time i feel like i can actually trust that the connections i am making are REAL and TRUE with real people validating my experiences. After 15 years, multiple medication combos, and many professional treatments, this simple change in thought has already made all the difference. I believe i may have broken free from my depression egg shell and im ready to join you on this journey! ????

Thank you so much for this comment! It was my hope in starting this blog that it would help other women understand themselves and their journeys, just as it helps me, so it’s great to hear that it’s working! I’m sorry to hear of all the pain your ADHD has caused you, but your comment strikes me as upbeat and hopeful. With more information and insight into ourselves and our condition, we can ensure that our ADHD doesn’t define us, but rather the grace we show in our response to our ADHD does.