I wanted to add a hug and a note to say that I can relate to the anxiety and anger, and to share that I got a lot of relief from seeing a therapist who specializes in women's issues and reproductive issues. I was referred to 2 different therapists by my OB, and from reviewing their profiles and calling one, I realized that neither one was a good mesh with my needs/beliefs, and instead I went to one that I was referred to by a local mom's board. And she was AWESOME. I didn't have much support from my husband, either... very painful. One of the things the therapist had me do (in addition to affirming the whole experience, nobody had ever really done that, I got a lot of "wow, well at least you and baby are OK!" subject changers), was to write everything out, the whole thing. It took me 75 pages (it was an eventful pregnancy). She then suggested I have my husband read it -- his memory is swiss cheese, but I think for at least the couple of hours it took him to read it, he temporarily got it. That helped some. Also, I was intially reluctant to go to therapy, and it was here on the PF forum that I got the encouragement I needed to go. Many hugs and good luck on your decisions.

I wanted to add a hug and a note to say that I can relate to the anxiety and anger, and to share that I got a lot of relief from seeing a therapist who specializes in women's issues and reproductive issues. I was referred to 2 different therapists by my OB, and from reviewing their profiles and calling one, I realized that neither one was a good mesh with my needs/beliefs, and instead I went to one that I was referred to by a local mom's board. And she was AWESOME. I didn't have much support from my husband, either... very painful. One of the things the therapist had me do (in addition to affirming the whole experience, nobody had ever really done that, I got a lot of "wow, well at least you and baby are OK!" subject changers), was to write everything out, the whole thing. It took me 75 pages (it was an eventful pregnancy). She then suggested I have my husband read it -- his memory is swiss cheese, but I think for at least the couple of hours it took him to read it, he temporarily got it. That helped some. Also, I was intially reluctant to go to therapy, and it was here on the PF forum that I got the encouragement I needed to go. :) Many hugs and good luck on your decisions.

This is *absolutely* what is going on - the docs cannot tell you what to do. They can only give you odds. It's a medical ethics thing for getting informed consent from the patient, but not being paternalistic.

It's often helpful to ask them what they would do in your situation, or how they would advise their wife if she were in your shoes. It gives you a better idea of how someone with more experience than you would weight your risks. But that said, the doc is not you, and does not necessarily share your values. The trick is to make a decision that respects your values in the face of your risks...

This is *absolutely* what is going on - the docs cannot tell you what to do. They can only give you odds. It's a medical ethics thing for getting informed consent from the patient, but not being paternalistic.

It's often helpful to ask them what they would do in your situation, or how they would advise their wife if she were in your shoes. It gives you a better idea of how someone with more experience than you would weight your risks. But that said, the doc is not you, and does not necessarily share your values. The trick is to make a decision that respects your values in the face of your risks...

I totally understand you situation! A few years back, courage collected we went to talk to the MFM that had been involved in our second daughter's delivery. He flat out said you shouldn't have more. I was beyond frustrated, as they knew, as did I, what was wrong with me, didn't that help. i felt confident going in that if something were to happen, we would be armed with knowledge to help us through. It left my husband petrified. 3 years later we are pregnant, my husband again petrified, and I have to go to the same MFM that gave me the dismal news. I still choose to feel optimistic, but truthfully a bit scared. Medicine isn't perfect, and the doctors are only human, but i feel empowered by the fact that I KNOW what to look for. I think I was looking for someone to give me permission to go ahead, but they can;t they have to look at it statistically. Good luck with you decision .

I totally understand you situation! A few years back, courage collected we went to talk to the MFM that had been involved in our second daughter's delivery. He flat out said you shouldn't have more. I was beyond frustrated, as they knew, as did I, what was wrong with me, didn't that help. i felt confident going in that if something were to happen, we would be armed with knowledge to help us through. It left my husband petrified. 3 years later we are pregnant, my husband again petrified, and I have to go to the same MFM that gave me the dismal news. I still choose to feel optimistic, but truthfully a bit scared. Medicine isn't perfect, and the doctors are only human, but i feel empowered by the fact that I KNOW what to look for. I think I was looking for someone to give me permission to go ahead, but they can;t they have to look at it statistically. Good luck with you decision :) .

I think the hardest thing with PE or HELLP is it's so different from any other disease I can think of because most of the time something good comes out of it ( a beautiful baby). But I think in our heads having a first pregnancy with this disease ruins our idea about giving birth. I feel like I felt like everything in my pregnancy was going to be very textbook. Although I have to say I was terrified about the idea of giving birth because it was such an unknown thing. I have stories from family and friends that had scared the daylights out of me, but I was lucky enough to have an easy birth. So I am thankful for that. Of course husbands or most people couldn't really grasp the scary feeling related to getting pregnant again after PE. That is definitley something you shouldn't get pushed into if you don't even care to have another child. I am so happy that I have grown out of that scared feeling after really putting things into perspective. I actually can't wait to get pregnant again. I even have my 2 year old asking for a baby all the time.

I think the hardest thing with PE or HELLP is it's so different from any other disease I can think of because most of the time something good comes out of it ( a beautiful baby). But I think in our heads having a first pregnancy with this disease ruins our idea about giving birth. I feel like I felt like everything in my pregnancy was going to be very textbook. Although I have to say I was terrified about the idea of giving birth because it was such an unknown thing. I have stories from family and friends that had scared the daylights out of me, but I was lucky enough to have an easy birth. So I am thankful for that. Of course husbands or most people couldn't really grasp the scary feeling related to getting pregnant again after PE. That is definitley something you shouldn't get pushed into if you don't even care to have another child. I am so happy that I have grown out of that scared feeling after really putting things into perspective. I actually can't wait to get pregnant again. I even have my 2 year old asking for a baby all the time. :)

p1nklemonade wrote:This is my first post, but I feel the same way you do. I would love another baby, but I am absolutely terrified to be pregnant again. My experience with pre-e has also given me tremendous health anxiety that I'm having a difficult time overcoming, and to add a pregnancy on top of that would just about do me in I think. My husband thinks I'm being ridiculous, which just adds to the anxiety/tension.

Paige, it's kind of hard for our husbands understand what we are going thru. It's obvious that they are not the effected people, and to me, being that the body is not theirs and they don't have to be the ones that risk their life makes them totally unaware. I'm not sure if I explained myself though. I am very anxious too.

I think that a lot of us can relate to the anxiety and stress that comes along with considering TTC/pregnancy after HELLP. It really isn't fair. I know that I was terrified to be pregnant again, and now I just kind of don't want to go through it again. Counseling (only a few sessions) really helped me deal with the anxiety and anger and reduce it to a manageable level. It still comes back when we seriously consider TTC, but I think I keep getting better at dealing with it. Please consider this a good place to vent, discuss, and work through this stuff. We all get it, and we are all here for you. If that isn't quite enough for you (like me) you might want to try to talk with your doctor or a counselor about it. Maybe someone else will chime in with some good thoughts on how to deal with husbands that don't seem to get it yet. Mine is actually more scared than I am because he had to watch the whole mess happen. I was much too sick to care, and he is/was completely terrified. It took a good year to get him to talk about it, but it was a worthwhile effort.

[quote="Autumn"][quote="p1nklemonade"]This is my first post, but I feel the same way you do. I would love another baby, but I am absolutely terrified to be pregnant again. My experience with pre-e has also given me tremendous health anxiety that I'm having a difficult time overcoming, and to add a pregnancy on top of that would just about do me in I think. My husband thinks I'm being ridiculous, which just adds to the anxiety/tension.[/quote]

Paige, it's kind of hard for our husbands understand what we are going thru. It's obvious that they are not the effected people, and to me, being that the body is not theirs and they don't have to be the ones that risk their life makes them totally unaware. I'm not sure if I explained myself though. I am very anxious too.[/quote]

I think that a lot of us can relate to the anxiety and stress that comes along with considering TTC/pregnancy after HELLP. It really isn't fair. I know that I was terrified to be pregnant again, and now I just kind of don't want to go through it again. Counseling (only a few sessions) really helped me deal with the anxiety and anger and reduce it to a manageable level. It still comes back when we seriously consider TTC, but I think I keep getting better at dealing with it. Please consider this a good place to vent, discuss, and work through this stuff. We all get it, and we are all here for you. If that isn't quite enough for you (like me) you might want to try to talk with your doctor or a counselor about it. Maybe someone else will chime in with some good thoughts on how to deal with husbands that don't seem to get it yet. Mine is actually more scared than I am because he had to watch the whole mess happen. I was much too sick to care, and he is/was completely terrified. It took a good year to get him to talk about it, but it was a worthwhile effort.

p1nklemonade wrote:This is my first post, but I feel the same way you do. I would love another baby, but I am absolutely terrified to be pregnant again. My experience with pre-e has also given me tremendous health anxiety that I'm having a difficult time overcoming, and to add a pregnancy on top of that would just about do me in I think. My husband thinks I'm being ridiculous, which just adds to the anxiety/tension.

Paige, it's kind of hard for our husbands understand what we are going thru. It's obvious that they are not the effected people, and to me, being that the body is not theirs and they don't have to be the ones that risk their life makes them totally unaware. I'm not sure if I explained myself though. I am very anxious too.

[quote="p1nklemonade"]This is my first post, but I feel the same way you do. I would love another baby, but I am absolutely terrified to be pregnant again. My experience with pre-e has also given me tremendous health anxiety that I'm having a difficult time overcoming, and to add a pregnancy on top of that would just about do me in I think. My husband thinks I'm being ridiculous, which just adds to the anxiety/tension.[/quote]

Paige, it's kind of hard for our husbands understand what we are going thru. It's obvious that they are not the effected people, and to me, being that the body is not theirs and they don't have to be the ones that risk their life makes them totally unaware. I'm not sure if I explained myself though. I am very anxious too.

This is my first post, but I feel the same way you do. I would love another baby, but I am absolutely terrified to be pregnant again. My experience with pre-e has also given me tremendous health anxiety that I'm having a difficult time overcoming, and to add a pregnancy on top of that would just about do me in I think. My husband thinks I'm being ridiculous, which just adds to the anxiety/tension.

This is my first post, but I feel the same way you do. I would love another baby, but I am absolutely terrified to be pregnant again. My experience with pre-e has also given me tremendous health anxiety that I'm having a difficult time overcoming, and to add a pregnancy on top of that would just about do me in I think. My husband thinks I'm being ridiculous, which just adds to the anxiety/tension.

I haven't been on this forum for a while either. And I am in the same place you are. Scared. Angry. I tried to put this second pregnancy on hold, I tried not to think about it, but, again, I do want to give a sibling to my son. My husband forced me today to call an high-risk doctor for a consultation, and I did. But I don't even know if and when I'm going to see him. I feel like everything is so complicated, and I dislike it.

I realized I didn't help you too much, but maybe knowing that there is somebody else in your same situation will sort of make you feel less lonely.

I haven't been on this forum for a while either. And I am in the same place you are. Scared. Angry. I tried to put this second pregnancy on hold, I tried not to think about it, but, again, I do want to give a sibling to my son. My husband forced me today to call an high-risk doctor for a consultation, and I did. But I don't even know if and when I'm going to see him. I feel like everything is so complicated, and I dislike it.

I realized I didn't help you too much, but maybe knowing that there is somebody else in your same situation will sort of make you feel less lonely.

That's a good point, I should at least try. And by me being angry, I know I am probably being selfish.

I had my annual GYN check-up today, this is a doctor I have not seen before, and of course I mention possible pregnancy part, and for the first time on this whole journey, she told me, I shouldn't. I was shocked. I would write out the entire thing here, but I just wrote on my blog, and I will be too depressed to write it again, so I hope I am allowed to do this, and just post a link to my blog: http://www.glutenfreemusings.com/2012/0 ... etour.html

thanks for reading.

That's a good point, I should at least try. And by me being angry, I know I am probably being selfish.

I had my annual GYN check-up today, this is a doctor I have not seen before, and of course I mention possible pregnancy part, and for the first time on this whole journey, she told me, I shouldn't. I was shocked. I would write out the entire thing here, but I just wrote on my blog, and I will be too depressed to write it again, so I hope I am allowed to do this, and just post a link to my blog: http://www.glutenfreemusings.com/2012/01/slight-detour.html

I think a lot of us are in a way angry that we had PE and or Hellp. Life was never meant to be fair. It's all about taking chances to get what you want out of life. Some people are stronger than others and that is for sure. I look at them for courage that I can do what I am attempting to do. I feel that I was meant to have a least one more child and I am going to do it. I am glad that I know a lot of people that have also had struggles in their life and they came out strong in the end. I have family member that were great mothers from what my other family had told me. These Mom's also had tragic losses in their live that they never forgot, but they all love their children and were strong enough to have more after a loss. I have a great Gma that had 14 children total as far as I know she did not have pe, but she had twins that died at birth and another child that died at birth because they did not receive the medical care that we have these days. My other Gma lost 2 babies mid pregnancy, but had 5 sucessful pregnancies. I have a great gma that lost her first child at birth becuase the hospital didn't have the proper medical care. She had 2 other healthy babies after. My husband's Aunt had 10 misscarriages within 4 years, but gave birth to 3 healthy babies. I know sooo many people that have had bad experiences in their life, but they were very very strong and they were able to acheive what they wanted in the end. I feel like in these days many of us are way too niave. Sometimes I feel like those MOm's that had lost a child are stronger than us that have children that survived. They didn't give up and I have seen on these boards that most of these women had normal pregnancies after and it makes me sooooo happy for them. They were sooooo strong. I feel that sometimes you have to say "am I going to be angry for the rest of my life that I didn't at least try? "

I think a lot of us are in a way angry that we had PE and or Hellp. Life was never meant to be fair. It's all about taking chances to get what you want out of life. Some people are stronger than others and that is for sure. I look at them for courage that I can do what I am attempting to do. I feel that I was meant to have a least one more child and I am going to do it. I am glad that I know a lot of people that have also had struggles in their life and they came out strong in the end. I have family member that were great mothers from what my other family had told me. These Mom's also had tragic losses in their live that they never forgot, but they all love their children and were strong enough to have more after a loss. I have a great Gma that had 14 children total as far as I know she did not have pe, but she had twins that died at birth and another child that died at birth because they did not receive the medical care that we have these days. My other Gma lost 2 babies mid pregnancy, but had 5 sucessful pregnancies. I have a great gma that lost her first child at birth becuase the hospital didn't have the proper medical care. She had 2 other healthy babies after. My husband's Aunt had 10 misscarriages within 4 years, but gave birth to 3 healthy babies. I know sooo many people that have had bad experiences in their life, but they were very very strong and they were able to acheive what they wanted in the end. I feel like in these days many of us are way too niave. Sometimes I feel like those MOm's that had lost a child are stronger than us that have children that survived. They didn't give up and I have seen on these boards that most of these women had normal pregnancies after and it makes me sooooo happy for them. They were sooooo strong. I feel that sometimes you have to say "am I going to be angry for the rest of my life that I didn't at least try? "