Archive for January, 2006

And so it begins. S3c0ndh4nd’s big project. Never since the God of Beer’s time has there been such a massive project, and all of the Screwup’s projects combined can’t measure up to what’s being planned. But this has nothing to do with those two. They are both dead (rest their souls), and they can’t be brought back. At least thats what they think.

Ok, so you’ve all seen and heard from those fuckheads who try to influence us to help "save the earth", right? Every one of them has some sort of way that humans are supposedly killing the earth. "We’re depleting water supplies!" "We’re stripping the earth of its natural resources!" "We’re destroying the rainforests by clearcutting!" The list goes on and on. My question is, who the fuck do these guys think they are, telling us that we’re destroying the earth? Think about what these people are saying here. The earth has been around for around 4.6 BILLION years. We’ve been around for about 2 million, and we’ve only had the technology to "destroy the earth" for about 200 years. So basically, they’re telling us that this huge chunk of rock we call home, which has been around for 4.6 billion years, is going to be ruined by 200 years of human’s fucking shit up. Its not gonna happen that way. Think of the dinosaurs. They were the dominant species once, a mere 65 million years ago. Then a big rock comes from space, and causes a massive change in the environment. The result: The earth survived, although it had been changed. The dinosaurs were completely wiped out by the incident.

Lets take a few possible scenarios of how human’s could possibly destroy the earth now, shall we?

1. Global warming: Here’s a big one. Global warming, the earth heats up because of all the dangerous greenhouse gases. We might melt the ice caps, and flood the earth. How terrible. Every human and land animal dies. Pidgeons now dominate the air, and dolphins and penguins dominate the sea. The earth is still alive, albeit much wetter.

Score:

Earth: 1

Humans: 0

2. Nuclear war. Oh dear. Well, the radiation is going to wipe out a hell of a lot of life, but the earth won’t suddenly explode due to a few nukes. If a 30,000 foot tall rock didnt crack the earth, a few nukes won’t. Humans all die, and cockroaches take over the earth.

Earth: 2

Humans: 0

3. Wiping out the ozone layer. The human skin cancer rate increases 1000%. People can no longer leave their houses for more than 30 seconds without risk of getting cancer. Eventually we’ll all be wiped out by the radiation. Penguins are already living with a hole in the ozone layer, and they take this time to get a tan and become the dominant species at the same time.

Earth: 3

Humans: 0

You get the point. For those of you who say "How about the Sun dying? That would wipe out the earth!" That’s true, but remember that I’m talking about how HUMANS destroy the earth, not natural causes.

The earth has a natural clenser. To it, we are nothing but a small nuisance that it will put up with for the time being, but whenever it decides that it’s time, it can fling the human race off its face like a bug. It’s not a question of "Will we kill the earth before it kills us?", its a question of "will we kill ourselves before the earth kills us"

In the end, the point is simple. The earth will be here. We won’t. Shut the fuck up environmentalist fuckheads.

So here’s something I was writing during math class. This one has its inspiration from Lemmings by blink-182, St. Jimmy by Green Day, and of course, my own life. Its a little different than my usual style, but anyways, here it is:

Mace

Nose up,

And turn away

Cuz today

Is not his day

And revenge is the only thing on his mind

An average

Asshole

He lost all

Life long goals

He’s now a soulless killing machine

Rub him

The wrong way

He’ll smite you

He’ll make you pay

Your blood will run in the city streets

No one

goes near him,

But fear

only feeds him

A love for chaos that never fades away

And inside this monsters heart

A crimson stained work of art

A stunning array of stabs, slashes and tears

He dedicates this masterpiece

To those in his mind, deceased

To those heroes dead not long ago

Though no day is quite the same

Life for him is just a game

An endless mission of fucking things up

Slitting throats and cutting wrists

He’s the original Bad Influence

And this day belongs to only s3c0ndh4nd

-S3c0ndh4nd, 01/23/06

A keen eye could pick up was that i used the word "tears", which could mean either "those wet things that come from your eyes" or "a rip". My original intention was for it to be "a rip", but then i realised that it works both ways. So really, that one word is actually two words.

I hate to plague you people with these serious blogs. I really do. I know that all my loving fans (All three of them), are pained to see me write serious blogs, but alas, when something’s on my mind, it needs to escape somehow… so without further interruption, here are some miscellaneous ideas or problems that are plauging me at the moment.

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Firstly, I feel like I’m being held back from something greater. Actually, I KNOW I’m being held back, but I’m not sure if it’s something greater. I dislike change, and yet without changing, I will never find out if there’s anything better out there… In some cases I doubt it, and yet what I have now is not enough. Enough to keep me content, yes, but not enough to make me happy. I plan to be happy EVENTUALLY… but sadly, life never seems to go as planned, and so sometimes I figure the best thing to do is not to make a plan at all…

Some concerned people wonder why I always seem so depressed, why my self esteem is so low, etc. Considering I’m fairly smart for my age, achieve good grades, and have all of life’s necessities and then some, one would think that I should be happy.

Why then, am I not? The answer is simple. I don’t want to be happy. I don’t want to have high self esteem like those fucks who go around with their head high in the air as if the world is a happy place. That statement contradicts what I wrote above, so perhaps I should clarify. What I mean is that I want to be happy. Truely happy. What I don’t want is that fake kind of happiness that the fuckheads have. I don’t want to break out of any depression, because I’m afraid of failing, and disappointing myself. So what I’ve done is not make any attempts to be happy. I’m sure I could accomplish at least some form of cheeriness if I tried, but I dont try. I figure that if you have no goal, you can’t possibly fail. A simple, yet effective strategy. Whether you believe in destiny or not, the people around you will change, even if you don’t. Consequently, the situation I find myself in will eventually change. Whether it will help me or hinder me, I cannot stay. The only thing I know for sure is that I’m sticking around for the ride.

The grass is sometimes greener where you are, but what if you can’t see the other side of the hill? Do you stay where you are or depart from where you are to see how things are on the other side? If you stay, you might never leave, and if you leave, you will never be able to return. And yes mel, this is quite the perplexing conundrum, as you say. s3c0ndh4nd, regrettably, is out.

Ever notice how people act completely different on MSN than they do in real life?

BESIDES THE OBVIOUS FACT THAT WHEN YOU TALK TO SOMEONE FACE TO FACE YOU AREN’T TYPING!

take me for example. Online, i tend to be a weird fucked up annoying asshole. That completely changes when you see me in person. When you see me in person, im twice as weird, twice as fucked up, twice as annoying, and three times as big an asshole. Fortunatly, the majority of people who read these blogs have either never met me, or meet me very rarely

I BET THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO NEVER MEET ME EH?

Some people however, are the opposite. They’re annoying fags online, and you want to shoot them sometimes. But then you see them face to face and you don’t want to piss on their grave anymore:| They act completely different, and you wonder why you hated that person. Then of course you go online and they’re fags again and you hate them again in a never ending circle of life Gotta love MSN eh?

AND REMEMBER KIDDIES: While pre-marital sex in freezing rain may be fun, its also cold and wet, and you run the risk of getting pneumonia, lingering a few months, and then dying a slow painful death. I’m out

K! so yeah, heres a slightly abbriviated version of the second half of the pussy sucking long ass blog… that vanished.

so i went to watch this King Kong movie that everyone’s been making a huge fuss about with Prozzo, Paige, and a Random Alex guy…

NATURALLY, i’m going to make fun of it first, i’ll give you people a quick synopsis though (with some additional details):

Director dude wants to make a movie. He goes to skull island with his crew. The natives there (who are in serious need of Botox) get pissed off and decide to throw spears into the crew. People die. Then they crew gets pissed off and like the americans they are, they decide to shoot those damn natives, and then they decide to run away. Except this girl gets kidnapped by kong, and since she’s pretty hot, the rest of the crew (all men who need to get laid badly) decide to go save her ass. Kong decides that ripping the girl limb from limb would be a fun thing to do, but then she does some dance for him, and he loves her, and decides not to kill her. Meanwhile, the rest of the crew is chasing kong to save the girl, and along the way, many of them die in various ways, including: devored by velociraptors, falling off a cliff, brontosauruses falling on them, being thrown into a rock wall by Kong, and, my personal favourite, getiing slowly consumed by oversized larvea. The larvea scene is an objectional scene that may disgust some viewers who have weak stomachs (pussies). Anyways, some dude who loves this girl decides to take the girl away from Kong while he’s sleeping. BAD IDEA. Kong gets pissed and decides to kill the guy. The guy runs, and somehow manages to evade Kong and free the girl. Then the crew (which has gotten a lot smaller) decides to chloroform the beast and capture it and bring it to New York. So they bring Kong to New York somehow, even though all they have are 2 lifeboats and a ship that will allegedy sink if it gets any heavier Anyways, Kong decides that he doesnt like preforming for rich bastards, so he escapes and kills a bunch of them. Then he goes and finds his girl and climbs the empire state building. Then the military fucks come in and kill King Kong. The girl cries for about 20 seconds, then she goes and has the romantic scene thing with the guy who loves her. The media dudes all decide to take pictures of the dead Kong.

THE END. SEE?! I DESCRIBED A 3-HOUR MOVIE IN A FEW MINUTES! I JUST SAVED YOU FUCKING $15 AND 3 HOURS OF YOUR LIFE!

SO heres my analysis. The movie was too long. Period. They could’ve told the story in 90 minutes, and then the couples would have the last hour and a half for fucking and other USEFUL activaties. The scene where Kong dies was pathetic. Basically, its a minute of an oversized gorilla with his eyes can closed roaring softly. Then the camera switches. Now you have a girl crying for a minute. Switch to ape cam. Switch to girl cam. It takes about 10 fucking minutes for the beast to die. The movie is just wayyyy to dragged out. Its like they HAD to make a 3-hour movie, and they ran out of ideas, so they figured "well let’s just double the length of every scene and it’ll be fine…"

AND THERES NO DIOLOGUE! Most of the movie consists of various grunts, roars, screams, moans, yells, cries, and gunshots. It’s hard to find a sentence of over five words in that whole movie. Also, I dunno where the actress girl person learned to "scream in terror" but it sounded like hardcore sex. Seriously, King Kong is about to kill this bitch, and you hear her screaming like "ugh! Ahhhhh… Ohhhhh!" There’s no real explanation for this… unless…

Ok, King Kong’s shoe size is off the fucking scale, and you know what they say about shoe sizes… Imagine the cock on the beast:| actually, when Kong is standing on his hind legs, she’s about eye level with his cock:| So when you hear her moaning in the movie, its only cuz she’s just imagine the fun she could have with that thing…

SO BASICALLY, DONT WATCH KING KONG, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES! EVEN IF YOU WANNA HEAR THE BITCH MOAN, WAIT TIL IT COMES OUT ON DVD! THIS WAY YOU GET THE HANDY FEAUTURE CALLED "fast forward" waste of money, waste of my life…

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IN AN UNRELATED TOPIC, IM GETTING A NEW CELL PHONE!

WITH 6 MONTHS FREE! INCLUDING TEXT MESSAGING!

for those of you who don’t know, my old cell phone was neutered at the Green Day concert back in August, and he’s never been the same after that We called Rogers and they said that it couldnt be repaired, that it was my fault, and that I would not be eligible for a new phone for 18 months.

BUT THEN!

my mom threatened to cancel our whole families plans with Rogers. She said that paying the $200 cancellation fee would be cheaper than putting up with Rogers, and that she could easily find another company who would offer a much better rate than Rogers had.

Then suddenly they offer us not one, but TWO new FREE Nokia phones, newer models than that motorola one that I had, and each with six months free text messaging and calling. Wow, that was easy:|

THE LESSON HERE: Rogers is a big fucking business. They’re already on top of the world. Their main concern is that they dont fall from the top and be replaced by competitiors. They figure that most Rogers customers know other Rogers customers, and if bad word gets out, it could spread. So now they have to practice an ancient technique used by old corporations that are long extinct. This ancient sacred technique is called "customer satisfaction". If customers are happy, they will not lose their spot on top of the world. Basically I’m just saying that they can be mooched off of with some empty threats.

Just Remember Kiddies: Empty threats are a good way to get what you want, but you need to know how to use them properly. You need to make a threat big enough that it will affect the organization, but small enough that you CAN follow through if they call your bluff. So its not a COMPLETELY empty threat, i guess. Pretty much, just go with the biggest possible thing that you can actually follow through with if necessary. Its a good way to get things you want from those people that actually practice "customer satisfaction". Don’t push your luck though, you’ll get your ass burned. I’m Out.

you know what REALLY sucks? i wrote a HUGE LONG FUCKING BLOG, and it disappeared. just like that.

sonofabitch…

well i’ll give a quick summary then of the first half of the blog, and then the second part will follow.

The second part will be much more interesting though.

firstly. FLAMES BEAT THE LEAFERS 1-0!. Kipper records his 6th shutout of the year. Although belfour played well, he let in one goal, which was enough to make the difference, seeing as kipper was perfect. Flames play the Nucks next tomorrow, and would love to be 7 points up on them, and 4 points up on those damn Oilers… unfortunatly, that isn’t likely to happen, seeing as the grease stains are facing the laffs tomorrow…

but if the leafs DO manage a win, i’ll rub it in the face of every greaser i can find

hell, for once, i’ll actually say GO LEAFS GO!

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THEN THERE WAS THIS GIRL! HER NAME WAS ALICE!

and boy, something was definatly fucked up in this one’s head because in her mind:

When she says "I’ll call you back", it means "I don’t give a shit about you, im going to bed."

When she says "I love you" it means "Fuck you asshole, get the fuck out of my life!"

When she says "I have huge fucking tits" it means "I’m so flat-chested that I am sometimes used as a spare coffe table."

Girls are weird Or maybe its just alice…

Yeah, its definatly just alice…

So ends part one of take two of the stupid disappearing blog. I’ll post the rest whenever i get around to it. Out for now, GO FLAMES GO!

Wow… crazy ass week or so:| well i thought the christmas festivities were over on the 24th… APPARENTLY NOT:|

firstly, on the 25th, my aunt’s boyfriend decided to propose. Huge shock, I’m gonna have a new uncle. Nuff said.

S3c0ndly, EVERYONE’S GONE!:| The friends I havent already lost are on vacation or are not coming online or on telephone:| Its making me feel like more of a loner than i already am

Thirdly, blogging seems to be losing its fun:| making thats cuz summer and the beginning of school were much more interesting than now, or maybe its just cuz no one seems to read these:| oh well…

Fourthly, new year’s resolutions SUCK:| they cant be kept. But hell, i’ll try. So this year I’ll try to cut down on bringing other people down. They dont like it, I don’t like doing it, so i’ll try to cut back.

KEY WORDS: TRY TO and CUT BACK

No overnight miracles, no complete healing. I’ll give it my best shot, and if i fail, we’ll at least i’ll have tried.