"Neo-Cavewomen." "Bog Beasts." "Female Shreks." These are all terms that Details writer John Sellers uses to describe women who have the audacity to enjoy the humor in their bodily functions. He uses Cameron Diaz, Eva Mendes, and Jenny McCarthy as prime examples of these "vulgar vixens." "It would be one thing if these female Shreks were cut from the same cloth as Roseanne Barr or Rosie O'Donnell," Sellers reasons. "But the trouble is they're all smoking hot. It's their job to primp and preen and push stuff up to look sexy-what's the point of putting in all that effort if you're only going to undermine the whole operation with gruesome behavior?" First of all, most women aren't monitoring their own behavior to remain attractive to men 24/7. Secondly, even if Sellers is just joking, he's still trafficking in the well-worn, outdated idea promoted by other glossy magazines that women should give a fuck what guys think of their bodily functions.

Joking or not joking, the dumbest part of this dumb story is that it's not even remotely true. Dudes creamed themselves over Jenny McCarthy back in the day, because she seemed like she'd be really fun to hang out with. Yeah, she'd wipe her snot on you when you weren't looking, but then you'd drink a beer together and chuckle about it and (in your dude fantasy) make out later at the bar. But the assumption that all men think that all women should be perfect "ladies" is laughable, as is Sellers' statement, "If we want to hang out with someone who behaves like a man, we'll hang out with, you know, an actual man." I'm thinking this ass clown - along with NY Mag writer and whiny monogamist Philip Weiss - deserves his own Jezebel justice system along the lines of Missdemeanors. The punishment for Sellers? He must sit in hot car with Cameron Diaz after a three burrito special. With the windows rolled up.