Disclaimer:
This is a story about gay people...if you can't read it or

Don't
like gay people, leave. Go...bye. But if you like it, read it and

Write
to me.

"I am Adaen. I was recently in a very volatile situation and not
for the first time. Honestly, this is like the sixth thing but this was
definitely the worst and the worst part is..." I paused, "The worst part is that
it was my fault."

"You're
not listening. I caused all of this." I said, tears forming in my eyes.

Chapter 49: Karma

Adaen:
This situation wasn't made and became my problem...I created it. When I was good,
bad things happened...when I'm bad worse things happen...

"You're
moving back to your house?" Jennifer asked.

I threw
some clothes in my suitcase, "I need to be there." I said quickly, "Thank you
for everything."

"I
really wish you'd stay. I'm going to be here all by myself
and after being tied up, there's just a lot of stuff I don't want to do by
myself." Jennifer said, hugging me, "You're still my number one friend, bestie."

I
smiled, "My brother's future wife just got massacred. A very disturbed guy is
dead. Two teenage girls are dead. I think this war...this war is over." I
frowned.

"We
won." Jennifer said quickly.

"You're
right, but what did we win?" I asked.

"Nobody'll ever forget us." Jennifer smiled, "Nobody'll forget you."

"I
can't figure out if that's a good thing or bad." I said, looking over to the
repaired glass door leading to the balcony, "I hope I can forget."

-

Adaen:
...Because of me people are dead. Two girls the age of my
little cousin.A misguided and deranged man.
And worst of all, my sister-in-law...

I sat
my bags down at my room and looked down the hall, to my brother's door. I knew
my mother must be inside, hovering above him. I didn't know what to say.
Everything had spun out of control and here I was, once again. Standing outside my own room, looking at another closed door.
I would never be the same. I didn't want anyone's forgiveness. They had all
done equally bad things to me. I did want something more than I had been
settling for lately. I walked over to the door and opened it. Mom was sitting
beside the bed, talking to Eric. Eric noticed me at the same time as Mom.

"So,
you're moving back in?" Eric asked.

"Eric,
I'm so sorry about..."

"Don't."
Eric said.

"It
wasn't..." Mom started.

"Yeah,
it was." I frowned, "Janet..."

"Get
out." Eric said, shocking me.

"What?"
I asked.

"Leave.
Get out of my room!" Eric shouted.

I
nodded and stepped out.

Mom
stepped out after me, "He doesn't...like to hear her name." she said.

"I'm
sleepy." I said, heading to my room.

"Maybe
you can talk to Hope. Those girls were her friends." Mom said.

"Maybe." I said, hiding in my room. I walked over and sat my phone on the
counter. I had set it to silent. The local news stations kept calling, along
with my former friends. They'd been out of town at the time of the murders. I
walked over and stood by my window, looking out onto the lawn. I saw Marco
walking up. I paused. I knew this was the first of many conversations.

-

Adaen:
This guilt that I'm feeling...it's not misplaced. It's real. It's not tangible
but it's damn near unbearable.

"I like
the phone." Marco said nervously, "HTC infuse?"

"Inspire."
I smiled.

"Sorry,
I'm just a little..."

"Nervous?"
I asked, "I get that."

"We
went on vacation. Mexico. We were going to ask you if you wanted to go, but we
figured you wouldn't want to go with us." Marco said, "We all missed you."

"I hope
Christina finds something on her. I would love to nail her ass to the wall." Hannah
said quickly.

"Look
at you." Kendall said, "Why Hannah, you do surprise me."

"I miss
the relationship I had with him." Hannah said, "Don't get me wrong, you guys
are awesome, but I miss him."

"We've
all done bad things. To him.To each
other." Kendall frowned.

"Yeah,
we...wait, what?" Hannah asked, "What did we do to each
other?"

"And if
he's back home, maybe he's approachable." Kendall said.

"When
has he ever been approachable?" Hannah asked.

"True."
Kendall smirked, "I think it's time to do something I should have done a long
time ago."

"Like
what?" Hannah asked.

-

Adaen:
Sometimes, when I concentrate real hard, I can calculate the exact second I
lost myself. The exact second I started all of this and it tears me apart for
that whole duration. It's like an eternity and the second after that...it's the
worst because I survived that moment. I survived a moment when someone else
died.

I
walked into Eric's room and stood by the door. He was sobbing on the opposite
side of the bed. I hadn't seen him cry so much since...his pet hamster died. I
hadn't seen him in such a vulnerable state. It was disheartening. This man who
protected me at my worst was now bawling and suffering within the silence of
his own room. Tears began to start running down my face as I stood by the door.
There was no words, nothing that could let him know
how sorry I was. This war, this huge war that I waged had taken things from the
people I loved, stuff that can't be given back.

"No
words can ever express how sorry I am." I said softly.

His
sobbing stopped.

"You
protected me and I never meant for you to...lose anything. I liked Janet."

"Don't
you dare say her!" Eric shouted, "This is your fault."

"You're
mad..."

"I'm
pissed."

"If I
had known that they were psychos, I wouldn't have pushed..."

"But
you did! You played with people's lives and you caused everything. You should
be dead instead of J-j-..."

"You
don't mean that." I frowned.

"The
hell I don't! You're nothing but a spoiled brat. I have never cared if you were
gay or straight, but since you came out, you've been on a spiral. And I'm
supposed to be happy that you're home and on your meds?! Screw you. Any
sympathy I had for you died with her in that apartment." Eric said angrily.

I
nodded and turned to the door to see Hope. She looked sympathetic for once in
her life. I left the room and Hope close the door and walked behind me.

"Adaen." Hope said, "He's really mad
right now."

I began
to chuckle, which burst into a laughter. I laughed so hard that there were
tears in my eyes. When I finally stopped, Hope looked totally shocked.

"I'm sorry, I'm just having a really bad week." I said, trying to
reign myself in.

"So,
you laugh? You picked this moment to laugh?" Hope asked, "Are you sure you're
on your medicine?"

"Don't
ever ask me that, please." I smiled.

"Are
you going to be alright?" Hope asked.

"I
think he's the first person to tell me the truth." I said, walking away.

-

Adaen:
I think that was the first part of myself shining through.
He's my mirror and always has been. My friends and family are mirrors for me. I
could say that everyone else is broken. My mirrors have been broken, each in
their own way for so long.

"You
should see him." Harry said.

Harry
was sitting in his bed, at his and Hannah's home. Hannah found herself in a
daze but snapped out of it at his voice.

"No.
No, he's going through a lot." Hannah said.

"Maybe
it's time that you be his friend again." Harry said.

"Do we
really need him?"

"I
don't know about me, but I do know that you need him. He's your friend." Harry
said.

Adaen:
Some of my friends were broken when I met them and some of them really were a
mirror of me. Broken...distracted. Some of my friends
have always been stronger and better friends than they've let on...

Christina
sat across from Leslie, who smirked at her.

"Are
telling me the truth?" Christina asked.

"What
do you think?" Leslie asked.

"I
don't know, you look like a psycho lying bitch. You
smell like one." Christina said.

Leslie
chuckled, "Listen, Jennifer set everything up. She was just as mad at him as I
was and she's actually brilliant." She smirked.

Adaen:
I think that's our time Doc. I have something that I really need to do. Something that I've always wanted to do. Something I was
born to do.

Knock, Knock

I
waited at the door. This was what I was waiting for. I had been afraid to say
everything before. I had been afraid of this for a long time. As I stood
outside, waiting, I couldn't help but feel energized. The door opened and Marco
looked at me, surprised. He looked shocked before he even answered the door.

I
walked in past him and turned to him at the door, "Look. I know I said
everything wrong. I did everything wrong. I want you. I need you and at that
point, I didn't know how to just say that. I do now. I have to just say it. I..."