Stare Into My Abyss, For I Stare Into Your's

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

This will be the first post I've done in.....sheesh I think....well over a year, hell even two years maybe....*shrug* ahh well I'm going to try my hand at it again. Basically this thing will cover a lot of things, from my budding political views and learnings, sex (a favorite), random things I find online, and I'm sure there will be plenty of rants as well, which the last bit I hear is quite amusing. Now I'm prone too just sitting down and writing so sometimes I'm sure things will be out of order, or just oddly placed, but I assure you I have a point in there somewhere.

Bare with me :P

Anyways for my first post, my premier I suppose is one way of putting it, I'm going to rant/discuss something that's been buzzing around in my head for awhile. See I've never been bothered by my almost...preoccupation with sex. Yes I know, woohoo, a man who has a preoccupation with sex, big friggin' surprise...but I'm going too throw that sexist thought out of the proverbial window and not acknowledge it again. Anyways it's come to my attention that I do have quite the focus on it, recently because of several conversations I've had with a good friend. See my friend, whether he believes it or not, is quite the intelligent person, and for that reason amongst many others, he's endearing to me. For the sake of respect and tact I'll leave personal details about him that I know out of this, but in any case it strikes me as odd and sometimes....well threatening how he views sex. Threatening to myself anyways, you see, he doesn't seem to share the what I call love of sex, that I do. (now this could only be in appearance and he may, but if you don't share it, people can't know otherwise)

Now I pride myself on being a fairly intelligent person. I'm not talking about the damn tests that I feel are a waste of time and not a fair measure of actual intelligence at all. Intelligence isn't a measure of your knowledge either, any idiot can spit out facts and statistics that they've memorized. Nah to me, intelligence is adaptation and innovation upon those facts, being able too generate new ideas and perspectives on things, as well as being able to fully understand new concepts and generate your own concepts from them.

Anyways that aside, I find myself at odds with him whenever I bring up the matter of sex. Now personally I find sex to be enjoyable and fulfilling when done right and with the right person, a view shared by many people. As such, I tend to talk about it often and well sometimes in detail, sharing things that some less open people could view as inappropriate. Now I really don't give a shit about such prudish views, but that's not really the point here now is it? My point being that his often times neutral, blatantly neutral actually, stance on my sexual talk often puts me off. See it makes me feel like I've encroached upon something that somehow lessens the appearance of whatever sembelance of intelligence that I could show people. As if my preoccupation with sex takes from my intelligence in the eyes of other people. Now this could just be my own insecurities of which I do have a few, coming out too play to make me feel like I'm less of a person.

This isn't to say that I am unable to have an intellectual conversation with someone, I am quite able of doing so. Hell I believe intelligent people have a duty, the responsibility to question things, too have to take things into a different light and shift them around with their mind. It's just that me generally easy-going nature tends too make me less apt to doing so all the time. I feel doing so tends to turn you into an overly serious person who's easily offended by mundane things. I'd like to think of myself as what I call a "whimsical intellectual." In that yes, I'm capable of intellectual things, capable of viewing things, situations, people, etc in a light that requires higher thinking and a new perspective. It's just that my base nature eres more on the side of lighthearted things.

Sex too me falls generally in that category. By nature I'm a hedonist, and recently found out that I'm an epicurian hedonist. I love feeling good, and happy, needing only enough of materialistic things to keep myself happy and don't need much more than that. So sex really falls under that whole "feels good, I want more" bit, and so philosophically and personally I should feel little shame in loving it. Yet I cannot shake the feeling at times that it lessens peoples views of me, at least when that person is one that I view as a highly intellectual person.

I suppose I should be looking at this differently. Sex is a natural part of the human existence, not only is it necessary for procreation, which for me as a homosexual male is a moot point. Which leads to my second point, it feels good. Obvious I know, but I've been prone to positive and enjoyable sexual experiences, which of course through the psychological method of conditioning, would logically cause my brain to want more of it, right? Makes sense to me anyways. For that matter it also ties in with my epicurian method on life, since it's really not asking for all that much. Emotionally I love it, as it's (too me that is) a means to express a desire and need to become closer to the other person, as well as making them feel good and trusting them to make you feel good. Intellectually? Well it is a fascinating subject, especially when it comes down too the plethora of different views and behavior when it comes right down too it.

So in the end, reading all of what I've written, and being able to organize my thoughts as such, I suppose I feel differently than when I started off. In all reality it just comes down too different views on things, as do most things I imagine. I have a pretty high libido, yet I believe whole heartedly in having sex within a committed and monogamous relationship. (YES I still have a personal belief in monogamy Kit, and I doubt that will change :P) Yet other people have a low libido or don't like to settle down, thus wanting to date around or even sleep around. My love of sex, and my mind's fascination with it on many levels comes down to a different perspective on things, and how it processes. It doesn't take from my level of intelligence, and if it does to other people....well fuck them, judgemental assholes. XD

Anyways, that's my rant for today, if you sat through it all, congrats, I like you already. :P