Ok, so let me get this straight: I’m out of touch for one weekend, and we learn Shaquille O’Neal might’ve saved Notorious BIG, Marcus Banks wanted to be a male model more than a Celtic, Kendrick Perkins is (obviously) no Dennis Johnson, a reality TV star painted herself in green to honor the Celtics, Doc Rivers‘ family has already won a title this year and the Heat cry more than Dick Vermeil.

Let’s sort through a weekend of wild stories that revolved around the Celtics ‘¦

On his 25th birthday, Shaq met up with the legendary rapper, who invited the then-Lakers center to an after party following the Soul Train Music Awards two days later. On March 8, 1997, Shaq dressed in a white suit and waited for his security officer to pick him up and take him to the party. But he fell asleep.

‘I woke up about 4 o’clock from a call from my mother,’ Shaq told OTL. ‘She said, ‘Did you go to the party?’ I’m like, ‘No, what are you talking about?’ She said, ‘You know, your friend was shot and killed.’’

Wallace and his entourage left the after party around 12:30 a.m. in two Suburbans. A black Chevrolet Impala pulled up alongside one of the SUVs, the driver rolled down his window and he fired four bullets into Wallace’s chest. By 1:15 a.m., Wallace had been pronounced dead at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.

‘If Shaq would’ve said, ‘You know what, I’m going to come with y’all,’ I’m sure him and BIG would’ve ridden together,’ added Lil’ Cease, a member of the rap group Junior MAFIA. ‘That’s the type of person BIG was. ‘¦ And I’m sure Shaq would’ve had security, and I’m sure BIG would’ve had another security come with him that day just to make sure Shaq would’ve been all right. So, I definitely think if Shaq would’ve been there, it definitely would’ve changed. It definitely would’ve changed.’

Um, way to make Shaq feel better, Lil’ Cease. Definitely would’ve changed? A little strong, don’t you think? Just as easily, somebody could’ve opened fire on Biggie’s car, killing both him and Shaq. The moral of the story kids, as always, is that falling asleep on the couch is never a bad thing.

The paper reported Saturday that the team was looking at several options but favored him over veteran Antonio Daniels, who was attempting a comeback with the Texas Legends of the D-League. The Herald reports Arroyo was signed to a pro-rated veteran minimum contract for the rest of the season, and that he could join the team in time for Sunday’s game against Milwaukee.

Arroyo was waived by the Heat earlier this week to make room for the signing of Mike Bibby. In 49 games this year (42 starts) for the Heat, Arroyo averaged 5.6 points and 2.0 assists per game in just over 20 minutes a night.

The move was necessitated when Delonte West went down with a sprained right ankle last weekend and Von Wafer strained his right calf during Friday’s win over the Warriors.

To make room for Arroyo, the team informed center Chris Johnson after Saturday’s practice they would not be extending his 10-day contract.

WALTHAM — Shaquille O’Neal will likely not be able to return to the Celtics lineup on Wednesday after all, coach Doc Rivers said following Saturday’s practice. Rivers indicated he was hoping to have both O’Neal and Delonte West back by Wednesday to help them begin getting playing time to gear up for the playoffs.

“Probably not going to be ready Wednesday because his foot is bothering him a little again,” Rivers said. “Delonte, we’re hoping Wednesday.”

O’Neal has missed the last 12 games and has been out since Feb. 1 with a sore right lower leg and sore right achilles tendon. West missed his third straight game Friday with a sprained right ankle. Glen Davis shot free throws following Saturday’s practice but is still nursing patellar tendinitis in his left knee and is expected to miss several more days of practice while Von Wafer, who injured his right calf during Friday’s win over the Warriors is still in a walking boot.

The team also informed center Chris Johnson that they will not renew his 10-day contract for now as Doc Rivers announced the priority is to sign a back-up point guard.

Ray Allen could only imagine what Warriors fans were thinking when he was unconscious in the first half, drilling all four 3-point attempts on his was to 20 points and a 64-53 Celtics lead at the break.

‘Well, I think I’m the one guy that you look up and ask yourself, ‘How did he get so wide open in the corner?’ I think that everybody is thinking that ‘ everybody in the Bay Area is thinking that early in the game,” said Allen, who finished with 27 in Boston’s 107-103 win over those defenseless Warriors.

“You don’t really look at Paul [Pierce] and he’s wide open, and Jeff [Green] was wide open several times, Nenad [Krstic] was open a couple times; when Rondo get to the basket, I think that’s as the result of all the guys on the floor and the plays that we run.”

Good thing Allen’s sore right knee healed in time so he could play. But ice and a stat sheet that shows that Golden State is 28th of 30 NBA teams in points allowed can make you healthy in a hurry.

‘He shoots the ball pretty well most days,” coach Doc Rivers said. “He’s just an amazing shooter, he really is. And what’s more amazing is how many times he’s wide open. It’s just remarkable when you think about it, the Reggie Millers, I’ve been on teams where before the game the coach is, ‘Do not give this guy an open shot’ and you turn around and he’s standing there all by himself. It’s just amazing how they find the open spots.’

“You just make sure you run, make a sharp cut, stay spaced, and if a team has to double, you know that someone has to be open,” Allen explained.

But you get open with great defense. And when Monta Ellis wasn’t lighting up the Celtics as part of a 41-point night [matching Kobe Bryant for most by an opponent this year], the Celtics were playing enough defensive to allow them to get out in transition.

“The defensive end is really where it starts because when we get stops like that and we force them to miss, and then I’m gone. I don’t even wait, I just get to the corner. They have to get to the paint, and Rondo, he knows where I’m at so I just have to make sure that I’m ready.’

As for that bothersome knee, he wasn’t out on a driving range on Thursday but rather just resting. “Driving range? Who said that?”

Informed it was his coach, Allen replied, “And where am I going to hit golf balls at?”

He then turned slightly more serious when asked just how sore were his legs to require a day off from practice.

“My knee was bothering me a little bit. I just had a little bit of soreness in there that I worked through over the last day and a half,” Allen said. “Coming in this morning, it felt similar and I was kind of taking it hour-by-hour and seeing how it felt when I got down here and when I got down here, it felt better.

“This morning I just came in and got treatment and just try to play it by ear. That’s why I have a suit on in case I was on the bench. I honestly thought when I came down here, there might be a chance but I came down here as usual to be ready to play. It’s hard from one day to the next and then the day before say, ‘I’m not playing tomorrow’ because you feel a little soreness. You have to get in there and really put your body to the test and get it better. I got treatment and ice and by the time I got down here, I shot and felt a lot better and here I am.”

WALTHAM — The Celtics received good news on Thursday when an MRI revealed that Glen Davis has only left knee patellar tendinitis and no major structural damage. The power forward, who has started at center many times this season in place of Shaquille O’Neal and Jermaine O’Neal, said he will need only a week to rest the injury before returning to action.

“Nothing serious but he may be out for three, four or five days,” Rivers said. “But it’s nothing serious. He’ll miss Friday [vs. Golden State]. I think he’ll miss a couple of games. But overall, that’s pretty good.”

Davis, who injured the knee going up for a dunk with 49 seconds left in Wednesday’s game against the Suns, said he’s been playing with the soreness all season and initially aggravated the knee in Game 7 of the NBA finals last year in Los Angeles.

‘I’ve been playing with it all year, since Game 7 of last year,’ Davis said. ‘It’s a sigh of relief but you don’t want to be hurt anyway. You don’t want to sit out. You can’t take that approach. It could be worse. I’m just glad I’m here [watching practice], getting healthy and getting ready to play.’

Davis entered last night tied for the team lead with Paul Pierce and Ray Allen in games played this season, having played in all 59 contests. His hopes of making it a perfect 82 were dashed Thursday when he was told rest was needed to make sure he will be ready for the playoffs, beginning in April.

“It kind of [stinks],” Davis said. “I kind of wanted to play the whole season. I tried the best I can. I just have to get healthy now and get ready for the playoffs.”

Speaking of Allen, ironically, he came to practice Thursday and told Rivers and trainer Ed Lacerte that he had ‘soreness’ in his legs and was given the day off. He is expected to be ready for Friday against the Warriors.

Rivers said Shaquille O’Neal ran ‘skeleton’ sets with the team on Thursday during practice but has not been cleared yet to take part in full contact practice. Delonte West (sprained right ankle) is still not ready to practice but was shooting around. Rivers said West will “definitely” miss the next two games this weekend against the Warriors Friday and at Milwaukee Sunday night.

1. San Antonio (47-10): The Spurs have been conspicuously absent from the trade rumor bonanza. But it makes sense, considering their starters have missed one game all season between the five of them — and they’ve lost as many games as the Cavaliers have won.

2. Dallas (41-16): The Mavericks went hard after Detroit’s Tayshaun Prince (for injured Caron Butler and a first-round pick) and Denver’s J.R. Smith, but both deals fizzled quickly. Shocking that owner Mark Cuban was active around the trade deadline.

3. Boston (41-14): Who needs centers, anyway? There are other pieces to fall here, trust me. The Celtics aren’t finishing the season with 10 players. Until I know what their roster is going to look like, I’m not moving them anywhere.

4. Miami (42-15): The funniest tidbit I heard on the rumor mill was this: The Heat shopped Mike Miller in trade talks. Oh, sure, Mr. Riley, I’d love to take a 30-year-old guy with an extensive injury history, literal head problems and four years, $24 million remaining after this season. The one Miami rumor that’s intriguing is buyout candidate T.J. Ford.

5. Chicago (38-17): Both Juwan Howard and Chris Bosh have endorsed Derrick Rose for Most Valuable Player over LeBron James. Is it just me, or does that say a lot about what his Heat teammates think about him? Do you think Joakim Noah would side with James? Would Ron Artest back anybody but Kobe … nevermind, scratch that.

After the Celtics defeated the Heat for the third time this season, I had a conversation with a friend of mine who’s also an avid NBA fan, and we came up with a theory that LeBron James has Michael Jackson Syndrome.

Essentially, he’s been so famous from a such a young age that he has no idea what normal people do in their everyday lives — much less any concept of what those people think about him. That’s why he says stuff like this:

“Everybody’s bringing their talents to the East,” James said. “It’s going to be fun. We came here to team up, and we knew we were starting a trend. Teams are going to have to load up because the competition level is rising.”

Did he really bring up the “bringing their talents” garbage again? For the past eight months, everyone and their mother has mocked LeBron’s infamous “I’m taking my talents to South Beach” quote from his idiotic Decision ordeal. Even Paul Pierce gave him a jab, tweeting, “It’s been a pleasure to bring my talents ot South Beach” after another Celtics win over the Heat.