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EVENTS

A Guest Post

Commenter Anfractuous, who has previously shown incredible skill with limericks, provided the following as a comment to my previous post. It is so good, I thought I’d put it here on the front page (since not everyone reads the comments–go figure).

Dear Cuttles,

Of course you’re not moral; that comes from above!Morality’s only for those those in whose gloveResides a steel rod that will punish the sin,Which comes from the garden and now lives within.

It’s true because Satan’s words came first to Eve.Because she was “woe-man,” the one to believeThat she, in defiance, could just disobeyThe Word she’d been giv’n on the very first day.

Because she was uppity, thought she could knowWhat knowledge of evil and good might bestowUpon her and Adam, cooped up in that place,Where only obedience’s choking embrace…

Kept them from knowledge that freedom would bring.If they used free will, they’d cut God’s puppet string.The meaning of good or of bad was not given,So how could she know that from grace they’d be riven?

God made the decision to make us this way,To give us free will so that we’d disobey.That way he could punish to His heart’s content,To show us just what His omnipotence meant!

It’s God’s will that we must conform for all time.He set up the rules and then watched with sublime,Sadistic amusement, on seeing us squirm.He knows how remote our real chance to confirm…

His ridiculous rules that we have to obey.(Besides, His omniscience predicted we’d play.)So now, by His Rules, your morality comesFrom worship of Him, only under His thumbs.

Good works do not count – they’re from dumb libruls’ minds.They work only IF abject worship He findsAnd then only IF you will also exciseAny thoughts of equality for those other guys…

Who might love the “wrong kind,” or those who might thinkThat women should be anywhere else but the sink,Or in a man’s bed, though their bodies are evil.They’re here for their wombs, (but their minds are medieval.)

If men are allowed to observe female skin,They’ll turn into beasts (their control is that thin!)But it’s not the men’s fault. That resides upon her.It’s her evil skin to which men’s minds refer…

In lust and in sin – but just “boys being boys.”The female form’s only just one of their toys.So it’s moral to bomb all those places of sinWhere those evil women “do God’s babies in.”

God loves it when X-tians do mean things to gays,Or lesbos or libruls – set atheists ablaze.It’s moral to castigate anyone “other,”But don’t take our guns or make black folks our brother.

Morality’s not what those atheist folks do.It only comes from a strict Biblical view.So now you all know how the God system worksIf you have any questions, just ask X-tian jerks!

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Comments

Hey, thanks Cuttles! I’ll never be as brilliant as you, but I’m honored that you think this doofiness is good enough to bring out here to the big people’s table! You’ve really inspired me to versify more than just my usual happy birthday doggerel.