Archive for the ‘First Year of Marriage’ Category

What’s it Like to Live With Me?

In my roll as a San Jose Wedding Officiant and Premarital Coach I work with a lot of couples that are learning how to live together. This great quiz will help you understand what it’s like for you partner to live with you.

While you are getting ready for work you realize that your dearly beloved has once again used all of the hot watter and you are facing another cold shower. You:

Convince yourself that cold showers are a spiritual experience

Start taking your showers the night before

Ask your loved one to take his/her shower earlier

Get up really early the next day, take an excessively long hot shower and do two loads of laundry making sure that all hot water is gone long before your loved one steps into the shower

An old friend wants to come by and visit. You:

Ask your loved one if they mind having visitors

Say, “excellent, I can’t wait for you to meet my better half. Perhaps we all play a game.”

Say “yes” without asking

Ask your spouse to go out so that you can reminisce about the good old days

Socks, shoes, books and half eaten food are strewn about the house. Several attempts to get your spouse to clean up after himself/herself have not worked. This makes you feel:

Nothing. It does not bother you

disrespected so you talk to your spouse

like a maid

Concerned about where to hide the body after committing the crime

After a long day you want to kick back and watch some good TV. Your spouse is ready to party and wants to go out. You:

Force yourself to get excited and go out with a smile on your face

Go out anyway and try to enjoy yourself

Tell your spouse what you would like and work towards a compromise

Convince your spouse to sit down and watch reruns of Friends with you

You need a little time alone. You:

Pretend like you want to spend time with your spouse

Tell your spouse what you need in a loving way

Disappear for a while without telling anyone where you are

Have a friend call and say that you have been in a minor car accident and will be home by nine.

If you answered 1 to all or most of the above scenarios the following is likely true about you:

You consider yourself an easy going individual

You put your partners needs in front of yours

Or perhaps… you chose your answers while your spouse was looking over your shoulder and you intend to change them later

If you answered 2 to all or most of the above scenarios the following is likely true about you:

You know how to be diplomatic

Your open and rational style will help resolve conflict

If you answered 3 to all or most of the above scenarios the following is likely true about you:

You like things your way; but, are willing to compromise and change when necessary

If you answered 4 to all or most of the above scenarios the following is likely true about you:

You are a strong willed person and may need to post bail in the very near future

Money, regardless of how much or little a couple has, creates stress in a relationship. After years of coaching engaged couples, I have found that following the simple process outline below really helps couples deal with their money matters:

1) Set individual short and long term goals. Sit down without your partner and write down what you want your money to do for you. It is important for both you and your faïence to know what you want as unique individuals. Marriage is going to require you to compromise and sacrifice on the financial front and you will be far less resentful if your are clear about what you are sacrificing and why. Trust me, this helps.

Your short term goals should focus on the next six months to one year.

Your long term goals should focus on the next one to five years.

2) Create couple short and long term goals. Now its time to sit down with you partner and plan for the future. Read each others goals (the ones you set in step 1) and tell you partner what’s important to you and why. Listen to what you partner has to say. Once you have heard each other it’s time to put pen to paper and write short and long term goals together. These goals will help guide your married financial life.

3) Create a Budget. This is not fun; but it is essential. There are some great websites out there that will help you with this process like Mint.com. You can also download my free budget worksheet. If you are not currently combining your income this is a good chance to see what you combined income will look like. It’s also a good time to talk about bank accounts (will you get a joint account or keep separate accounts) and who is going to pay the bills.

4) Pick one of your long term goals and one of your short term goals and devise a plan to achieve them based on your budget.

5) After one month sit down you partner look at your budget again and evaluate your progress. Can you start working toward another one of your goals or do you need to reevaluate what you did last month.

One final note: I am not a financial planner and you should consult a professional financial planner before making any big financial decisions.

If anyone has any has any great budgeting ideas for couples, please comment. I’d love to hear them.