Arsehats everywhere.

Such a wonderful word that. So descriptive. And man, they were some ugly arsed hats too. All bedazzled and shit.

Major Arsehattyness.

First arsehat of the day would be MPS. Late for the fucking bus again. Throwing my whole day out of whack when I have to chase a fucking bus almost to the next town. Doing my bit for the environment (MPS and the girls catch public transport) fucking sucks methane producing donkeys rectums.

White fedora arsehat for you my bed buddy. Or is that couch sleeper…

Things started to go a bit smoothly, seems I let my guard down for a while. Enter arsehat number two.

I run a large Autism support group in the seconds I have spare in the day. In the time I should be flossing or exercising or ‘learning to love myself’ or somesuch. And our ‘meetings’ are once a month. It is a group for PARENTS of CHILDREN diagnosed with ASD and their cousins. NOT a meeting for ADULTS with ASPERGERS to come and expect me to teach them social skills, get them jobs and supports in learning endeavors. The adults with Aspergers are not the arsehats in this scenario, the psychologist that swears to me black and blue when I call him and rip him a new arse that he doesn’t send these people to me.

The psychologist that is in a different area causing me to call long distance rates to rip his arsehole a cylindrical friend. Hmmmm, funny how every time a get a call or someone turns up at one of these meetings they have just been to see this guy and just HAPPEN to know who I fucking am.

A mustard brown fez covered in rhinestones and peacock feathers. Cause you need some cockhead with that arsehat you bastard.

Someone who will remain unnamed, blogged about me today. Whinging and whining that I haven’t put her on my blogroll yet. Sooky la la-ing all over the internets and her biatches going all ‘what is a magneto bold too anyway’ and shit. And then she had her geeky psychic biatch weighing in on the whining about moi and I wanted to jump on my broom and go and slap them both around the head.

See this:

This is the IN PROGRESS blogroll. I need TIME to make it purdy and shit. Cause you would go all whiny and sooky and ‘oh but my name is not purdy enough Kelley! It is just a link! What sort of joint are you running here? Fucking bloggers that don’t love on their peeps, I am going to go pour myself a huge glass of Dooce‘

Well fuck off. Well for a minute, and then come back cause I sorta kinda like you. But don’t tell anyone OK, cause they might think that I am nice and kind and shit again and that sorta reputation is fucking HARD to live down you know.

I had to shout at a cute widdle puppy and poke a kitty in the eye to get back my crown. And I broke a nail in the process.

Yeah, I know. The things I do for you people.

So you and you get an arsehat today too. It can be a cute one though, first offense and all that. But I have been emailing back and forth with you biatches all day and I am getting tired of abusing you.

Boo gets his own fecal painted arsehat to match the fecal mural beside the toilet after refusing to let me wipe his arse, I turned for a minute to admire my hair and he did a little sphincter diving.

And the final arsehat goes to MPS. First and last for the day.

I hate drop ins. I despise it when someone just drops in. Despite the fact that it drives Boo absolutely bat shit crazy, I am not fond of it either. I have an image to maintain people, and it ain’t sitting on my arse, laptop on my ample lapage, braless, and sucking down a family block of chocolate, bucket of latte or bottle of wine. Or like today being out of the house ALL DAY and the house trashed by Mr Nobody. Got me some fabulous hair cutting action from Sebastian the Wonder Hairdresser and Moo got her learners permit – Go Moo! – and did some therapeutic shoe drooling in between all the other errands. So the housework was a big huge Meh today.

And then the fucker invites a workmate over. Without warning me. I walked in the lounge to find this guy sitting there. MPS is all ‘this is my lovely wife’ and I am all ‘Hi, howz it going excuse me I have to go and wipe my sons arse’ and shooting a fucking death stare in MPS’s direction and he is groveling with the ‘I love you honey’ and I am all ‘bite me you fucking arsehat…’

So he can add that arsehat to his growing collection. Hope they keep him warm while he is sleeping on the couch tonight.

As a Canadian, I much prefer arsehat to the more vulgar asshat. But? I am a code-bestowing arsehat. And I’m thinking on the button thingie. Even though I have a subscribe link at the bottom of each and every post. Oh, you make me tired. But what do you expect from someone who calls their child Ass Burger Boy?

I’m apparently an idiot, but I can’t even find your blogroll, let alone complain about whether I’m on it or not.

I’m just going to continue along in my happy shiny world and assume that my name is right there in lights, with lots of bolds and exclamation marks and expressions of wonder at my incredibleness and shit like that.

Girl: Smootches back atcha, you will be on it. All in good time my pretty.

Iceel: *snort* see your wife has you well trained!

Bettina: But they will be the more tasteful ‘arsehats’ as apposed to the more vulgar ‘asshats’ I could call it ‘Kelley’s magnificent arsehattery’

Guera: Glad I have you running scared, now do my bidding biatch.

Witchypoo: I am with you and the ‘arse’. And Arse Burger Boy? Fabulous! We have a guy here in Oz that is rather well known and he stands up at conferences with his baby blue sash, long socks and super short shorts and exclaims ‘I am a man with Arseburgers’ he is awesome.

Lulu: ‘Hugs and shit’, ooooh I am so proud of you.

Xbox4NappyRash: But you need to come and collect your 10 gallon arsehat…

Meg: It was all in good fun reciprocal arse kicking. And BK – Before Kelley – now I am a Goddess and shit.

Robin: Oooh you are channeling me and I like it! The blogroll is ‘Stalking my Stalkers’ will have to mark it clearly for the more snark impaired methinks.

VE: But you always have a ready source of finger paint.

Candy: bwaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaaa! I told you I would get you.

Kath: I love my Mac. She is purdy and white and I would marry her if same sex marriages were allowed in this arsehat of a country. Her name is Mia.

Marilyn: *snort* good answer.

Amanda: with the added benefit of never having to announce your presence in a room. The smell does that for you.

Redneck Mommy: Unfortunately MPS doesn’t feel that way. But then he is an arsehat…

Tiff: How about a couple of arsehat beanies, then you can keep them in your bag to fling at them.

Arsehat, arsehat, arsehat, arsehat. I just love saying it. Hubby (from the UK) says it all the time… I have a hard time gettin’ my tongue around it, is all (ooh, that could be a tag line for some xxx movie, couldn’t it???)

Something rather inviting about being an Aussie PITA. I want to be one too!

Well I tried. Damn internet commercial for Outback Steakhouse. With some “Aussie” voiceover. Except he distinctly said ERBS. Aussies surely say HERBS. So in the spirit of being an Aussie PITA, I sent them an email telling them.

The Planet of Janet: Hmmm, wonder if the big bloggers get such a hard time and have such arse whooping readers??? 🙂

Anja: You have such a beautiful turn of phrase..

Angel: Nah, every day is full of arsehats, you should know that.

Jodie: Ooooh I like hearing you say it over and over and over…

JodieOdie: Sorry babe, I did link to the post further down! Would have saved you a shit load of googling!

Mr Lady: *passes her an arsehat* Hmmm, just spent the day visiting everyone who commented in the last 3 posts and no Mr Lady… I visit my regular commentors first. Guess you will just have to visit ME more often then? Bwaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa

You just eeked out of the way of a nasty post about your blogroll…I was going to rip you…seriously….HAH…no…I don’t think so. I mean what with all of the FREE TIME you have, you really should have this done already! Get on that!

Ha! My arsehat got kicked to the couch last night for being a total ass about me going back to work. Anybody that calls me lazy and tries to guilt trip me into going back to work can suck balls! I mean really, have a rational conversation about it, not some emotional crapfest. Jebus, who is the woman here, I ask?!

JodieOdie: Will have to look into it! You know pissed off is my default state of mind don’t you?

Witchypoo: Oh I hear ya, trolls don’t get the time of day, unless it is just too juicy for me to not ridicule them. I did warn you and Candy that I was going to get you in those PM’s, and I think my job is done. Smootches to you both.

Moo: Every day is a pissed off day in my head. I am the Empress.

Alison: Feel free to blast me on your blog, I love it. And I will get you. Look at it this way it will send traffic to your blog and mine *snigger* AND linky lovin! All in good fun.

Ange: So is that a ‘I want to be on it’ or ‘I don’t want to’ spell it out to me woman!

Huckdoll: Seeing it was a private blog until mid August I think you may have me confused with someone else. Dooce perhaps? Bwaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaaaa!

MaternalMirth: Second only to the f bomb on this blog.

Magpie: *snigger* get too close and I will…

Sandy: I KNOW! What makes people think I have enough for them? I make enough for us, that is it. Shit, I ain’t no caterer. And why did you think it was you? What have you done to make you feel so guilty???? Hmmmm…

Gina: I am making him a big puss filled donkey balls arsehat while we speak…

MadMad: Sing it sista. If the house is immaculate *snort* NO ONE COMES! If I am braless and stepping over a mountain of toys, the hordes descend…