Nausea

I feel sick. I want to throw up. Utterly nauseous… I call and talk to my sister and can feel her pain from so far away. She cannot even discuss her sadness because it chokes her before her words can be formed. She paints her facade, but it’s so brittle and transparent, even small talk shatters it with mentions of certain things. She is so fragile and broken and all I can do is be a warm body posing as “support”. I cannot fix it. If I get too close she recoils. She lashes out or cowers in fear.
I am a mess. I am sick. I feel her pain rob my heart of its warmth and all I can do is stand there as it goes cold again.

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About the author

I am a married woman looking for answers to questions about myself. Scary thing is, I'm pretty sure I know what they are.
I am married and have two kids, two dogs, a husband, a mortgage and oh, by the way, I'm a lesbian. How did this happen? The more I look back, the more I realize I have always been this way, but as I get older I have less will to keep this chick in the closet, so I have slowly let her out. This is my story. I hope that it helps you on your journey of to understand a loved one who is struggling with their identity.
I lost sight of my goals in life and what makes me so very happy so now I am jump starting my life. The only thing I know is that the only "right answer" is to follow your heart.
My blog is honeyImaLesbian.wordpress.com

I’m sorry to hear about your sister. I know what it is to feel helpless. But I hope you remember that you can’t fully be there if you’re a wreck yourself. Take care of yourself okay? You deserve to be pampered. Make yourself some tea, eat some fruit and just breathe.

You could send her a care package (include things she loves?). My sister stays 4500 miles away from me and sometimes we have a silly Skype chat. Sometimes you just need to see each other and know the other is there, no matter what. Big hugs. You will get through this.

That’s a great idea. I’m so pitiful when it actually comes to shipping the packages. It’s kinda pathetic but this time I will set a goal date and get it out before the flurry of Christmas mail bogs it down. Thanks.