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I was reading some of my old work and I was blown away by the quality of my own notes. After the initial celebration of my own genius, I was thoroughly disgusted by the bullshit I have been currently churning out. I feel like scrapping a few different projects because I really feel like I am producing sub standard non-sense. I will grace you however with a few of my finer older works. I have a few Joshen-isms that I came up with back in the day, that I am quite proud of . Lets take a trip down my memory lane, keep your hands and feet within my creative spectrum at all times.

The only regret I have about my insanity, is not doing it sooner!

When I sit before a blank page, it usually stays that way. If I really want to write a good story, the last thing I want to do is try and write

I am genuinely a lonely soul, are you the type of person that prey's on the lonely?

The socially awkward are the best people to study. Normal is boring; tragedy is entertainment

In my mind I see the ends. I never picture myself working hard or patiently waiting. All my minds eye shows me is to how to enjoy life, all I see is how to sip drinks, how to drive fast cars, and relax. I spent enough time positively visualizing that I should be a master of the luxurious arts. I turned those wants into a need. I lusted for leisure for so long that each breath I inhale is le petite mort. The haze of life is nothing without the mist of lust.

This along with other classic penned items can be found within my old notebooks. I even found some old pieces of dialogue just floating around that I wouldn't mind incorporating in my current projects. Long story short, I astounded myself, I am not sure if that makes me self absorbed. I am closing the final curtain on a particular chapter of my life, and opening it on another. but thats no big deal.

It's the Christmas season again and many of you dont know this but this is my most favorite time of year. Not because I got a lot of presents (I virtually got close to 0 many years) or because I love snow or anything. Quite frankly I spent many a Christmas season on what would have been my death bed in the hospital. It was like clockwork I always end up having pnemonia and like a terrible asthma attack some time in december where I then take up residence at my second home Kings County Hospital and begin to celebrate with the nurses and doctors poking proding and healing me for the new year.

Tis the season..........Usually I care about digital rights and trying to only share my own original stuff and blah, blah, blah, I love this song. If they ask me to take it down I will, but considering that only about 5 people visit each day, and my 3 friends visiting from Saudi Arabia, I feel like I will get away with it.

I just love what Christmas stand for to me. Since I survived every Christmas to this day (Knock on wood) it became a symbol of hope for me. Thats why I end up listening to songs like someday at Christmas. That song always fills my heart with that warm feeling. It reminds me that no matter how stone cold my exterior becomes that I have to save space inside myself to care for my fellow man. I still believe that some day at "Christmas there will be no more war, when people learn what Christmas is for"

I wake up every morning feeling like I am meant for something greater than what I am currently doing, and I remind myself that once I attained this greatness that I need to give back to those that were in my very same position. It's easy to forget about the less fortunate when you are no longer one of them, but once I can, I will try and make a difference in as many lives as I possibly can. I really don't have any funny or interesting stories to regale you with and for this I apologize. On the upside I am as busy as ever. I found a ton of royalty free music that I will be using in my series, if you can find it free and use it why not.

Thought of the day: Enjoy your times of turmoil, if you make it through you will realize that those days are the ones that lead to your day of glory. During your darkest hour, with your most dire wounds, your only choices are to heal or die.

Sometimes, the conversations we have are the fodder for something more. Often times these conversations start one way and end up in a place you never expected to be. Just recently it snowed and I was having a conversation with a friend of mine after she completed her laundry, apparently there was a homeless woman at the laundromat and the proprietors kicked her out into the cold. Now my friend bless her heart, said something I thought was rather peculiar, she said "I wanted to bring her home with me, there shouldn't be any homeless!" to this statement I responded with a sentence that would spark something so profound and so funny that it changed the course of that entire day. I innocently said to my friend "If we were a communist nation there probably wouldn't be any homeless"

Now in the United States communism is like a curse word. The thought alone gets people into an outrage, god forbid we do anything that hint us to becoming like a communist nation, add the words social before a government service and the devil himself is credited with it's creation. The statement as I expected it would sparked outrage, but it was the most honest words that I have ever heard spoken. She responded "Oh no, I cant do communism, I don't really know what it is but it sounds like it involves standing on line. I can't stand on no line for no bread and soap!" I began to laugh and then I realized that she was in that very moment the voice of a majority of us Americans. Naturally the worst part of communism is the lines. In history standing on line has always meant trouble, because lines are long, and boring. We formed this great country for the freedom, freedom from being forced to get in line.

I was also a little confused by our hate of lines, because like it or not we stand in line at the supermarket all the time for bread and soap, but I guess those lines are different. Capitalist lines, are greater and not equal to communist lines. Even though at the end of the day, a line is a line, it's 180 degrees and infinite in both directions. Maybe if the government blacklisted me and made my works taboo it would give me the 15 minutes of fame I need to launch my series. Maybe if more of us read Superman Red Son we would see that if Superman can still be a beacon as a communist maybe it isn't all bad....or not doesn't really matter all that matters is that the moment I shared with my friend was a special one.

Speaking of my series, I am extremely pleased to say that I am making leaps and bounds in progress, I am determined to see this through to the end. I made my Production tag, It will be at the beginning of all my videos, quite frankly I am in love with it, every piece of it, thats how I know it's ready. I began speaking with potential actresses and letting them have copies of the first script so a reading will be in the pipeline soon. I still haven't purchased the N900 or a suitable, pocket watch, but I am getting closer everyday.

We all know that the first time Jesus came around we gave him gifts of Frankincense Gold and Myrrh. Well in Christian lore the second coming is a big deal, but I don't really hear anyone volunteering to go pick up the gifts. Considering that I am probably going to catch a lot of flack for this I want to say right now, for the 4 people out there that follow my blog, if you are easily offended read some of the older articles or wait for a new one, this may not be for you

Now that the warning has been made lets talk shop

When Jesus comes back to earth we just cant give him some Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh, think about it that may have been fun before the invention of television but in today's day and age it wont cut it. If I was Jesus quite frankly I would be insulted if the human race gave me the same gifts twice, like really come on. I think we need to designate the wisemen first and foremost.

First wise man, Stephen Hawking, quite frankly I feel like he has been working on a way to either, go forward in time, become immortal, or transform fully into a machine. His contributions to science are limitless, we associate Hawking as the face of advanced physics and other difficult sciences that the majority of us will never understand. Our second wise man will have to be, Barack Obama

Say what you want about Barack, but you have to admit the man is a genius. Out of all the things he has accomplished, I think his most important accomplishment has to be that he has mastered the art of timing. Barack ran for president after Bush, (Smart move number 1) against the most old and senile grandpa that the republican party could find (smart move number 2) and he found a way to win the presidency despite being black, for the first time, I saw a man's blackness working for and not against him.

The final wise man has to be Dave Chappelle, he has to be the funniest man on the planet, and in his jokes he seems to predict the future. Dave Chappelle is like a comedic Nostradamus. Take a look back to the racial draft skit, Tiger Woods embraced his blackness and lost all his endorsements. Today Tiger embraced his blackness fucking with mad ho's and he most likely going to lose his endorsements, coincidence or pure genius? Chappelle is a clear choice for wise man number three, forget the world leaders and prophets and those who claim to be all about goodwill lets, cut the bullshit and go with humanities best, our best scientist, politician, and comic.

Now what are they going to give Jesus, Off the bat I figure Stephen Hawking should give Jesus an Iphone, with a plan that he doesn't have to pay himself. It may seem like Jesus doesn't need an Iphone but this time around I doubt he is going to want to walk everywhere to get the word out especially when there are more instant and convenient means to get the word out. Plus when he is done battling evil, I can see Jesus relaxing to some bejeweled. So we get him an Iphone for all his internet based messiahing.

The second gift that I feel Obama should present to Jesus, is a comfortable rent free Condo on the upper east side. Last time Jesus was here, we were not the most hospitable of host, he was born practically outside near animals for crying out loud. Then he had to live in those old style shack hut things, then we crucified him.......We need to make sure that our Jesus is super comfortable, well rested on a bed with sheets that have an insane thread count, room service each morning and a kindle pre packed with his favorite books and the bible for his reading pleasure. We should comfort our Jesus cause he is super cool.

Finally I feel like Chappelle should present Jesus with the gifts of the Chappelle Show complete DVD, and Chappelle will help start up the new squad of Apostles. When Jesus starts jet setting this time around, he is going to need people he can trust, Judas we all know what you did. Chappelle will help to keep stuff real for Jesus. Plus I am sure the humor and joy that the new crew will bring Jesus will make the whole apocalypse fly right by. We definitely should not make the same mistakes we made last time, this time we need to do right by Jesus.

Thought of the day: Don't be afraid to put your thoughts on paper, even if you know it will piss everyone off.

I have been going off on a tangent that has now become a mission. I wanted to find out all I could on Time travel and to find the reason why it couldn't possibly be practical, considering that I just started dabbling with the time space arena in my fiction. Also in the time that I have not been blogging I have been trying to purchase a sweet "steam punk" pocket watch, no batteries wound. I have wanted to own a pocket watch for some time now but it feels like the moment is right. Back to the time travel thing though, I came across a few interesting concepts that I wouldn't mind sharing with the world.

The notion of traveling forward through time into the future is generally accepted by science. The way that is done, is a person would have to leave the Earth at some undisclosed speed, and then return to the earth at some later time. More time would have passed on the Earth than would have passed for the Traveler. which means the Traveler would return in the future. Exactly how far into the future isn't known but this is an accepted concept in science. If they can digg it so can I.

Then we have the concept of traveling back in time, which nobody seems to accept because of a piece of logic called the Grandfather Paradox. The paradox follows as such, a man uses a time machine to go back in time and kill his own Grandfather before his father was conceived. This would imply that his father never existed and he would have never existed. If the man didn't exist, then it would follow that his Grandpa would be alive. Thus his father would be conceived and so would he. This piece of logic has every probability being it's own negation and thus it seems impossible to go back in time unless, the past cannot be changed, or the moment the traveler arrives back in time he is splintered into a parallel universe with his own timeline remaining constant.

I think that time travel when done correctly can spice up a piece of fiction. It opens up the realms in which your characters my journey and change, plus sometimes it's just incredibly cool to watch. Like this unrelated video I found of a domestic dispute between two cats. Completely off topic but it was hilarious, lets take a short intermission.

I actually find it all very interesting all the nerd speak on time travel. I am still looking for a few talented individuals to fill my characters shoes. I have also been putting some work into the mini-series introducing what will be the third and final main character. From this point on it's all green lights. Taking a moment to connect to my last post, I finally listened to Lady Gaga "The fame monster" but I still don't feel like I can say that it is the best pop album I heard in the past 10 years simply because it was the only pop album I listened to in the last 10 years. I am sure that would be a fallacy of logic, I believe the correct term would be appeal to unqualified authority. I can say that the production value is high and the talent is there and accounted for, I slept on Gaga and almost missed out. To all the people who didn't give her a chance because you have the classic conception that pop is bubble gum trash that is disposable, think again. My friends she is making music.

Haven't done the thought of the day in a while, So shall we proceed?

Thought of the day: Isolation is perfect for those afraid to change for the better or worse. If one desires progress, building relationships is essential, and fun. Networking is the bee's knees.

I have been so consumed lately with checking the status of my Google analytics account, trying to see who is reading and from where, only to realize that all I am doing is watching the pot boil. The more I pay attention looking for that exact moment where I can exhale and say " I am finally relevant", the longer it will seem to take to happen. I should be creating funny and creative things for you in the time that I've been watching the pot boil, and thats just what I am going to do.

I came up with a new character today, I am torn between calling him Tim or Jack, but it may not really matter. All that matters really is that I think he is solid. A little bit about him, he is larger than life. He is your basic Hang around, as in he just kinda hangs out at your place, the kinda guy you have to really wonder about, like what does he do for a living? Does he have anything else to do? Thing about this guy is he is so well traveled and experienced that he rather do nothing else but spend time in the company of good friends relaxing. I really think this character will provide a needed element to my series

I also wanted to take the time to say that, when it is all said and done, when I sit in front of my laptop and compose my daily message to you, it has to be some of my happiest moments. Before I finish off this post I wanted to say a few things music wise.

I didn't give Lady Gaga a fear shot so before I open my mouth I will have to give Fame and The Fame monster a good couple of spins. Then I shall pass my judgement.

Adele and the album 19 are spectacular, that was a rare musical experience. One of those times that the lyrics speak to my emotions and not just my need to shake my ass

Although many people disagree with me, I don't believe that the Black Eyed Peas are a disposable. They may not be creating music to change the world but I think that they create decent "feel good" music and I am going to leave it at that

Freddy Mercury from Queen had an amazing voice, I a straight man frequently sing Dont Stop Me Now out loud on the train.

Kanye West was right, Beyonce really does deserve to be recognized as an artist who has achieved a great deal in the past 10 yrs. and Barack Obama was right he was a Jackass for stealing Taylor Swifts shine. I think that Kanye lost a piece of himself due to personal tragedy, I want that genius that gave me Through the wire and Good life

Over saturation is and will continue to be the downfall of 50 cent. Curtis was a trash album, I expected so much more from 50, I know its hard to compare a current work to previous work because you cant catch the same lightning in a bottle, but atleast try and produce new lightning. Trying to follow that cookie cutter formula no es bueno.

Panic at the Disco, New Perspective is destined to be a classic.

Thriller is the greatest video of all time, I think that nobody else can make a 13 minute feature and keep it relevant for years, that is some intense shit

I respect Jay-Z, he makes music for the love, and it comes through in the music. I can feel the love in the quality of what he puts out into the public. I don't see myself complaining about him as long as he continues to create with love. Empire State of Mind, makes being a proud New Yorker easy.

Greenday, I want you to step it up to the next level (Ray J usually says this to any woman that wont open her legs). I know what RollingStone said, but guess what that feature should have went to Beyonce. I think 21'st Century Breakdown was a good album but after a very heated debate with a friend, I had to begrudgingly admit that was nowhere near the level at which Beyonce's I am Sasha Fierce performed.

Finally the Pokemon, and mighty Morphin Power Rangers first season theme songs have some of the best guitar work on them ever. Do not hate on the classics.

I have been listening to Invented Sex on repeat, not because I am a huge fan of Trey Songz but because it prompted a scenario to play in the theater that is my mind. Before I go into the whole Trey Songz thing, I wanted to take a moment to provide some back story so that we remain on the same page. I have been reading the All Star Superman series by Grant Morrison and I found it to be quite the refreshing take on the Superman story. As long as they didn't do another origin story, I think I would have been receptive to anything but that. In the series Superman is accomplishing these super feats. One of the Super feats, is to answer an unanswerable question.

The question is what happens when an immovable object meets an unstoppable force? The answer they surrender. This linked my mind back to Trey Songz? Now Invented sex is a beautiful song about how much sexual prowess Trey Songz possess. Basically he gets her to the crib, and they immeadiately begin to have sexual intercourse during which the girl mistakes Trey Songz for the inventor of sex, who in Christian mythology would probably be Adam, or we could go with the scientific viewpoint that would peg the inventor of sex to be the first multicellular organism that reproduced by specific sex cells which contribute a specific amount of genetic information. After I listened to this song on repeat, all I could think of was the evil monkey from family guy, he comes home from work and his wife is fucking some other dude.

It's always these Trey Songz type dudes that fuck your girl while your at work. Making the connection back to superman I asked myself what seemed to be an unanswerable question. The question I posed to myself was what if, I came home and Trey Songz was in my crib, kissing on my girls neck. Then they head upstairs she climbs on top and is screaming out you invented sex! Would I be able to walk away or would it be a murder suicide? Seriously though, sometimes I end up just ranting it's a hit or miss.

Seriously here is my intelligent thought. I am going to answer a question that we all end up asking.

Question: What is the meaning of life?

Answer: Exactly

In asking the question you have fulfilled all the requirements for the answer, if we had one specific task that equated the meaning of life at the completion of said task, one would drop dead, but by simply living being thinking and growing old, we are compiling all the things that are the meaning of life. Until my theory is refuted, take this and run with it.

There are certain things in our reality that cannot exist in the same space at the same time. These things are, Dark matter and light matter, Superman and Ultraman, and finally Santa Claus and the Easter bunny. If these two elements were to come together at some point, it is theorized that the universe would implode upon itself ending all life as we know it. In the event that these two things ever do end up in the same realm they should immediately, head to opposite sides of the universe, to prevent further damage from being done to the already dying universe.

I saw something equivalent to a universal destructive moment the other day. I was riding the 2 train heading to the Wakefield 241st. I was sitting close to on what would be the south row of the train. for all intensive purposes the row ahead of me will be referred to as the north row, and the double doors leading to other cars are labeled east and west. From the West double doors, a panhandler I will call by codename "acid face" boards the train.

Acid face was in a terrible accident in which battery acid was thrown into his face horribly disfiguring him, to the point that he is no longer able to get a job. He carries newspaper articles about his accident and he wears sunglasses that do not quite stay on his face because of his lack of ear. Acid face begins with his pitch and is at the point where he is asking for money, at the same time, a second gentleman I like to refer to as box car blue vest Joe enters the subway car from the east double doors already beginning his I need something to eat pitch.

Box car blue vest Joe and Acid face lock eyes, and I felt a chill down my spine. Never before had I seen two pan handlers work the same car. I felt reality start to tear apart and not in the positive "I am focusing my ambition like a laser to change reality" tear, I knew everyone on that train including myself was doomed, my mind drifted to the fact that of all the screenplays that I have started, I never freaking finished one. Box car blue vest Joe knew that this was going to end poorly, he cut his pitch off and went past Acid face making sure not to touch him exiting the car through the west double doors.

I was never more intrigued and frightened before in my life. Two subway personalities working the same car, this has never happened before I wondered if they had like turf wars or like some kind of schedule worked out but it seems like it was nature that kept them separated all this time, definitely not something you see everyday

My internet connection has been on the fritz, Verizon needs to stop raping me and get their act together, I have a job, a responsibility, to the fine people of the internet to provide my thoughts and a record of things that happen during my day to day adventures. Turns out that this post was so important to me at least that I held the topic in my mind until the internet resurfaced and I could share it with you all. I had that good old the blood is on your hands feeling, yes, I am talking about guilt.

I met a girl at my school a few years ago, she came in to the bookstore to price some biology books that she would be using a semester down the road, which was quite a rare occurrence, with our student body it's usually last minute or never. Her name was Jennifer, and she was not at all the kind of girl that I found myself lusting after, but there was something about her I found interesting, quirky. After we had a small talk in the bookstore, she became a regular, whenever I was working she would kind of pop up. In fact she would pop up conveniently wherever I happened to be on campus. It was creepy, but in a cute creepy way.

So I decided to give this girl who became sort of a mini stalker the time of day, she never had any money so she couldn't do many of the things that I found enjoyable, mainly going to the movies, and playing pool. Her poverty was so intense that she wanted us to go to six flags, on the buy one get one free with a coke can deal, which I thought was hilarious, smart, but hilarious.

We ended up dubbing this intelligent but money deficient young lady "Broke Girl" my friends and I name people we have been doing it all our lives, deal with it. So after a while those little quirky things that I found charming at first quickly became annoying, the popping up, the awkwardness, the lack of money, and I decided to leave this girl alone in the fashion that I dealt with most women I no longer wanted to deal with. I ignored her out of existence. I treated her like she wasn't even there, I was so cold about it, if she saw me near a train station I would just swipe myself into the subway because I was sure she had no money to follow me in. Eventually she got the hint, and she stopped coming around, and when I did see her in passing which slowed to being a rare occurrence, we said nothing to each other, in fact she did her best not to even look at me.

I saw her yesterday after a few odd years, on the bus. I was heading to my mother, and we locked eyes. I saw a look in her that tore me up inside, her face sunk and she just looked like she wanted to cry almost instantly. I being older, wiser, and having finally developed human empathy, felt a guilt like no other. I wanted to apologize to her, but she just got off the bus. The only crime she committed was having a crush on me and being herself, and because I was such a turd, I hurt her, for no reason. I am sure she isn't the only woman that I have hurt in my time, but she is the first to resurface since I made my changes for the better.

I am sorry Jennifer. It turns out that you were worth my time, but I was not worth yours.

With that I make peace with the matter. The guilt I am sure will linger, for a while, but this is a side effect of me growing up. I accept and embrace it.

Stay tuned, I also finally answered an unanswerable question. I have my words locked and loaded, I am just waiting to blow your mind.