You're right, truly awful it is. *laughs* No, really though, it's not THAT bad. There were definitely some poem worthy lines in there. The first three lines and "and you're old now like the storm/ and you puff your cheeks like." Those sounded like you were on to something. So it's half and half for me. The elements, flow, and I think that last line were really good. I think what ruins it is the line "you're pink, they're grey." But that's just my opinion and the whole thing is whether or not YOU like - Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews. I read them when I'm feeling a little lousy and I perk right up.

I really like this. we're learning about weather forecasting in one of may classes and it sucks . . . but I digress, this is freaking awesome. most people when they try to write short things try to cram too much in and it makes it stupid, but i think you said just the right amount and got your point across. Huzzah for someone who can (finally, lol) write!

honestly, i think it's amazing. probably because all the metaphore you choose could be applied to an unlimited amount of topics. if you posted it with a summery of "you know what's this is about" every reviewer would be posting something like "i can relate so much" because every one could, even if thats not what you meant it to be about.