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Thank you for sharing this and I'm sorry to hear what you've gone through. I have felt these pangs of paranoia and anxiety (though no where near the degree you have) and sometimes wonder when I experience them sober if I have inflicted this reality on myself due to drug use.

It's like a disease of the imagination. It's your ego clashing with your mind unhinged from rational restrictions. You think everything involves you or something is happening because of you. Then you realize later, it's all in your head...

It helps to have someone else explain it in that way. When I succumb to it, it feels like the universe revolves around me, and that I am the cosmic joke and receiver of punishment. At times it had felt messianic, because I was trying to understand why the universe was using me to prove its point, and I thought I was a conduit for others' savior.

Unless you're a figment of my imagination, it's good to hear that I'm just part of the whole scheme, going through things that other people go through. Pinch me.

Haha yes I think I am real... But then again, I'm a believer in the line of thought that we are all just the universe experiencing itself. So with that... I am you, you are me and we manifested each other into existence!

and sometimes wonder when I experience them sober if I have inflicted this reality on myself due to drug use.

I've often wondered this myself, but it might be impossible to know if the drugs are responsible. Look at all of the mental health issues "squares" suffer from each and every day. I like to think I'd be even nuttier if I hadn't opened my third eye ;)

Yes, there are so many different factors that play a role in your mental health. At this point, I'm glad I've experienced everything I have, both good and bad. At the end of the day, it's made me who I am, and I am happy with who I've become.