I went to church today and there was a very moving service, but I felt very selfish as for a lot of it all I could think about was how rubbish things are for me atm. I tried to bring it back to thinking obout the soldiers but I struggled.

I told home treatment team about it - they are the crisis team and they said not to beat myself about it as the point is I got dressed and made it to church. Plus I have just had a bath which is good.

Friday was an awful day which I am still reeling from but I am trying to not focus on it too much - when I do it just makes me feel bad.

I want to thank you all for your ongoing support atm, I really really appreciate it and am very thankful.

Yay for getting to church i think the home tx team are right and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it .... a friend of mine and i were chatting about church and stuff the other day and although i think its a good thing to go its an unusual situation in that the nature of a lot of the songs we sing at our church anyway cause you to reflect upon where you are at with god thus reflecting on how you feel .... you are you in your situation at this time so i guess you kinda just need to maybe go with that for now. Your pain and suffering is no less valid than the pain and suffering of otehrs and you still took time out of your day to think about the soldiers etc which i can gaurentee is a heck of a lot more than other people.