Read a full match report of the Premier League game between West Ham United
and Swansea City on Saturday Feb 1, 2014

Andy Carroll and Kevin Nolan are football’s Ant and Dec: their fates intertwined to the point that it is almost impossible to conceive of one without the other. The pair have shared dressing rooms, coaches, Saturday night takeaways; even a house, when the pair were team-mates at Newcastle.

For all their individual tribulations, when they come together something generally ignites.

Here they combined for two precious goals, that not even Carroll’s sending-off in the second half could devalue. Following José Mourinho’s jibe that West Ham had played “19th-century” football during their goalless draw at Stamford Bridge on Wednesday, Sam Allardyce revelled in his side’s “brilliant 21st-century defending”.

As West Ham batter their way out of trouble, Swansea are finding themselves slowly sucked in. They were terrible, especially after going a man up, registering two-thirds of the possession but no shots on target. Indeed, Michael Laudrup admitted that once his side went 2-0 down, the game was as good as gone.

“We really struggled with them physically,” he said. “We knew the game would be very direct from West Ham’s point of view. The first goal came from exactly the situation we had analysed. Long cross, far post, Carroll headed it, and we should have got the second ball.” Instead, Nolan pounced, burying a left-footed shot into the bottom corner.

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Swansea’s best chance of a goal was denied by referee Howard Webb. On 36 minutes, Jonjo Shelvey put Wilfried Bony clean through. James Tomkins got perhaps the faintest of nicks on the ball, perhaps nothing, and all eyes turned to Webb. If he gave the foul, he would have to give a penalty and send Tomkins off. Instead, characteristically, he swallowed his whistle. He is yet to give a penalty in the league this season.

It proved a turning point. By half-time, West Ham were two goals up.

Stewart Downing’s corner from the right was a little deep. Yet still Carroll managed to manoeuvre the ball back across goal, his neck seemingly powered by industrial springs. Nolan’s glanced header was perfectly placed.

The pair embraced each other with beaming, toothy smiles: just like old times.

Perhaps Webb had seen a replay at half-time and thought better of his decision. Either way, Carroll provided him with the perfect opportunity to make amends on the hour, tangling with Chico in the air and swinging an arm as he tried to free himself.

The arm brushed the head of Chico, who nevertheless went down as if Carroll had thrown acid in his face. Webb showed a disbelieving Carroll the red card; Nolan practically ran down the tunnel after him, like a desperate wife banging at the windows of a police van as her husband is led away in handcuffs.

Chico was booed for the rest of the game, but his team were unable to lift themselves for the finale. Long ball after long ball went into the West Ham area – an ill-advised tactic against any team, let alone one led by Allardyce.

Allardyce confirmed West Ham would appeal the red card, but the prospect of three matches without his ponytailed totem awaits. “He’s absolutely gutted,” he said of Carroll. “Beside himself.” They may have thrilled their home crowd, but West Ham’s unique double act may have to wait a little longer to go out on tour.