Many of us family members of nursing home residents have been told one (or many) lies by nursing home administrators and/or other staff members. What ever became of honesty? Whatever became of ethical behavior? Whatever became of honest chart notes? Whatever became of telling the truth at all costs? These virtues have long disappeared from most nursing homes when it comes to employee behavior.

Some of the lies we’ve heard are fairly subtle, like when you call your loved one’s nurses station and the first thing out of the mouth of the nurse who answers the phone is a line like, “I just came from your mother’s room and she is doing really well!” Did the nurse really just leave your parent’s room just before you called to check on them? Probably not. If they did that would be great. But if they didn’t? That would be a lie.

I can’t tell you how many times nursing home Administrators, Directors of Nursing and Nurses — even one nursing home owner — promised to fix a problem I had pointed out. Only to NOT have fixed the problem or to have only managed to fix the concern for a few days or a few weeks before the problem returned. Wow. These folks know how to tell us what they believe we want to hear, but what about the follow through? Nothing like the line I’ve heard many times from Administrators that goes, “Well I can’t fix a problem if I don’t know it exists.” Really. OK, I told you. The problem either didn’t get fixed or didn’t stay fixed. Yeah, I can really trust you. Not!

So what can be done to confront the nursing home employees who lie? Probably the best thing we can do is DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT! Yes, it will take work and a little money to accomplish proper documentation (the cost of one or more notebooks and the cost of an ink pen), but these investments are well worth it if/when the time comes to call in the state to deal with a problem that doesn’t get fixed (a problem they promised — or promised repeatedly — to fix). When you call the state you’ll need to refer to your notes to establish that the problem was called to the attention of nursing home staff. You’ll need to verify how long the problem has been going on and the times and dates you informed nursing home staff about the problem.

Summary: Good nursing home documentation regarding care concerns should always include 1) a description of the problem,2) the name/position of who you spoke to about the problem (You don’t know their name? Ask them for their name! Many states require that all caregivers wear a name tag at all times they are on duty. If they aren’t wearing a name tag, report that as well!), 3) when (day and time) you spoke to nursing home staff about the situation (EACH time you speak to staff about your concern) and 4) a summary of the response from nursing home staff to the information you shared.

Suggestion: While you may want to save your documentation on a digital device (e.g., a computer, tablet or a digital voice recorder), remember that data stored on any device can belost! So if you use any sort of digital device to make a record of your documentation, be sure to PRINT OUT EVERY BIT OF YOUR DOCUMENTATION and KEEP IT IN A SAFE PLACE in case you lose your digital data!

Another important reason to DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT your conversations with nursing home management and staff goes back to the subject line of this journal entry: these people don’t tend to be oozing with honesty! So covering your tracks (and your conversations) when dealing with nursing home staff is in your best interest.

I know personally of occasions when a nursing home Administrator and a Director of Nursing LIED in their notes about what either I had told them and/or what they told me! I had a decent memory to be able to defend myself, but I really wish I would’ve had good written notes to better be able to defend myself. I know nursing home management constantly document their conversations with family members, friends and their own staff. With our own documentation available we can rest assured that one honest record of what happened will exist!

Are all nursing home staff members (or owners) pathological liars? Of course not. Many are honest individuals. Some lie only because they know that their bosses expect them to lie in order to protect the facility from lawsuits, state inspections, fines imposed by the state and other sanctions. Kudos to the brave nursing home staff members who have told the truth and paid the consequences for being honest — often times losing their job. An industry that rewards liars and persecutes honest people is in serious need for major reform!