My obituary

I warned that if the hysterical Danny character that I “met” through this blog had any more aliases, it would be the death of me.

JillyBean (Birth: May 10, 19-huma-huma. Death: today)

She loved Pittsburgh and looking at pictures of people jogging in jeans. And Dan. Oh, and her husband and family and friends. She was a lover of candy, cupcakes, salty snacks from the “itos” food group*, and anything from the local pizza shop [insert Giovanni’s Pizza logo here]. A Friday night never passed without her putting away a half of an extra large pizza and a side order of cheesy bread. Yet she managed to maintain abs that would make a girl half her age envious. She will be greatly missed by her husband when he runs out of clean underwear, her kitties when they are hungry, her friends when they have no one else to listen to their drama, and her family when they can’t remember something.

*Cheetos, Fritos, Doritos

At the viewing, forget about the montage of awkward pictures of me at different stages of my life; make sure someone lifts every photo from JoggingJeans.com and plays them instead. Dress me in a sports bra (so that my abs and boobs can be enjoyed one last time), jorts, and running shoes. In my casket, tuck as many Runner’s World magazines that will fit. If anyone starts crying, make sure they get taken out behind the funeral home and beat silly.

The reason for my death: Danny Dapper.

In case you haven’t been paying attention, here are the Dannys that we have met already:

And now Danny Dapper running the Lakewood Meltdown 5K. His gear is a green disco shirt with a matching purple tie, a jean vest, jorts, a denim bucket hat, denim calf sleeves, and the new denim cho-pat for his trick right knee. Watch him cross the finish line at 1:56. Don’t blink.

And since you, Dear Readers, are lazy and wouldn’t click a link even if I really WAS dead, I provided a screen shot for you.