Relationship Series: Mirror, Mirror

Our relationships are a mirror for the parts of ourselves that need healing. This is one of the most powerful beliefs you can have when you wish to create change in a relationship.

Each person we interact with provides us with direct feedback about the aspects of ourselves that need integration. When we are triggered by our partner, mother or brother we are being gifted with the opportunity to go within and investigate through the lens of compassion how this external experience reflects our own internal experience.

My internal world was in turmoil for years. I knew on some level that to change the experience I was having in life I needed to change my energy…but this awarenss for me took some time to embody. In the years before my separation I worked really hard to fix myself, in fact I worked on very little else a part from my relationship. I ran the belief that the feeling of perpetual discontent was a fault of my own, and if I could just fix myself we would surely experience the sense of connection and fullfillment that I craved.

The relationship I was in mirrored a number of important things about who I was at that time and showed me the parts of myself I had denied out of shame and lack of self love.

As a woman I was ashamed to have needs so I suppressed my truth. I swallowed a lifestyle that caused me so much pain and disconnection because I didn’t want to be needy or difficult…but the more I ignore the issue the more I became that. It is through everyday practice that I reclaim my birthright to have needs, to express them and honour them. Take a moment to reflect on your own needs in your relationships. What are they and are they being fullfilled?

My past relationship showed me that I was a crap communicator and the silence of our relationship mirrored my own inability to speak my truth and trust my instincts which were telling me I was safe to leave. It was through heart and throat chakra work and conscious practices that I have restored my ability to speak my truth and value what I have to say. Take a moment to reflect on your own ability to communicate, to speak your truth and listen? When was the last time you expressed your need from a place of perosnal power?

My relationship mirrored my inability to connect to and honour my emotions. I saw this as one of his major flaws, but I now know it was mine too. It was through that relationship that I saw how I had believed emotions were a sign of weakness and at some stage I had vowed not to fully experience them, too afraid of the vulnerability expressed. It has been through surrender that I have allowed myself to open up to my emotional power and in doing this uncovered the gift of being an empath. This process of growth allows me to feel what my clients feel and deliver insights that hide beneath the surface.

What I know is this………….I had a called a relationship that helped to draw out my greatest gifts.The parts of myself that I repressed and thought were weaknesses when I embraced them and sort to develop them became my strengths. In the process of realising this and honouring all of thise that participated in the process I was able to from resentment to gratitude.

It’s easy to stay in blame for what we perceive another has done to us or is doing to us, but this prevents true growth. What I know is this………..if we ignore and project our shit on others it keeps coming around……….the lesson keeps repeating itself. It may once come through a lover, the next time a sister or friend each time delivering the same opportunity to go within, heal the wound and grow.

For each pain point we have in our journey if we choose to be open to it there is pleasure on the otherside.

Take some time now to write down how your partner triggers you……this may or may not be a long list! Be brave and courageous to take it a step further, out of the ego of he/she is wrong and investigate how this is a mirror for you.