Friday, March 14, 2008

More churches than casinos: Everybody has heard the old saw that there are more churches than casinos in the Valley of the Dollars. If true, it might be that so many people are either praying for a winner or praying for forgiveness. But there is one church just off the Strip that lets people know that all donations are welcome, even gambling chips. The church receives such a large percentage of chips that it sends the offerings to a nearby monastery to have the money separated from the chips. The chips are then separated by denomination and casino and turned in for cash. And who does all this work at the monastery? A particular sect of holy men – the Chipmonks!

Blonds in Vegas: A blond was seen at a soda machine. She already had about a dozen sodas but continued to put dollar after dollar in the machine. When a security guard asked what she was doing she replied, “Duh… winning!” Then there was the blond who called her parents after being in Las Vegas for two weeks to proudly announce that she had finally learned how to spell “MGM backwards.

Las Vegas mob boss: As the story goes a mob boss hired a deaf accountant. That way if the mobster was ever arrested and the accountant was hauled before the grand jury, he would be unable to tell about the skimming and other nasty tales. However the accountant embezzled a million dollars from the mob boss before the boss discovered it. The boss brought in somebody from the sign language institute and sat the deaf accountant down, placed a gun to his head and said to the translator, “Tell him to tell me where he hid the money or I’ll blow his #%^&$ing brains out.”

The translator signed the message and the frightened accountant signed back that the money was under a tree next to a rock in the desert. The translator looked at the mob boss and said, “He says you’ll never find it and you don’t have the balls to pull the trigger.”

World’s smartest Vegas dog: A gambler from Iowa comes to Vegas every six months and only plays blackjack. One day he goes to his usual poker table and is shocked to see a dog sitting in his usual chair. The gambler watches a few hands as the dog scratching his paw for a hit and tapping the table to stand. After a few hands the gambler says, “That is the smartest dog I’ve ever seen!” The dealer yawns and says, “He’s not that smart. Every time he gets a good hand his tail wags.

A little blogging music Maestro... What else but Elvis doing, “Viva Las Vegas.”