As many of you know, the Mayans have explained that we've got less than a year to live. Why not go out in style? A great barometer of your partying should be the following: even if the Mayan-theory goes the way of the Rapture (i.e. revealed to be total cockamamie horsesh*t)** your life should still be over in a year. To get a great headstart on the beginning of the end, you should take our advice and try to do at least three of the five things you'll find after the jump!

Last night, a couple of lucky schmucks from Idaho and Washington had the numbers 4, 8, 15, 25, 47, 42 and won the Mega Millions jackpot. They will share a $355 million jackpot. And since I'm broke, I was pretty pissed off it wasn't me. Then I made myself feel better by remembering that most people who win the lottery have their lives ruined by the money. But that got me thinking, what exactly are you supposed to do, if you miraculously win, to keep it from ruining you life? (Surprisingly, "hookers and coke" is not the right answer.) After a little research, I've come up with a few quick tips for how to conduct yourself after becoming richer than your wildest dreams.

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Guitar riff. Black van with red stripe blasting through some bushes. Mohawk. Disguises. Guns. Bigger Guns. Tanks falling from the sky. Helicopters. Cigars clenched by the strongest set of mandibles ever. If you have a problem. If no one else can help. You can call on ... THE A-TEAM. Man, has this been a long time coming.