Foster care and adoption; toddlers to young adults; it's all here-- faith and humor meet as this mom of four chronicles the joy and heartbreak of motherhood.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

November, 2012: Zola

Every so often, I turn a corner in
our house and I am surprised to see the dog standing there. And by that I mean
I’m not just surprised the dog is in that particular room, or surprised that
the dog found yet another shoe to chew up. For a moment, I am actually
surprised we have a dog.

My
family never had a dog as I grew up and neither of my parents came from
families with dogs. My dad has a skittish, jumpy reaction to dogs in general,
and if he visits a home with a dog, his facial reaction as the dog comes to
greet him — terror mixed with false nonchalance—is usually enough to prompt the
owner to put the dog away. Bill’s late mother had allergies to animals that
were so severe that one evening she and the family had dinner at the home of someone
with a dog and she landed in the hospital that night with a severe asthma
attack.

So
two years ago, when Jacob and Liam created a PowerPoint entitled Why We Should get a Dog and did a formal
presentation for Bill and me after the girls went to bed, my first reaction was
no.

While
I didn’t carry the fear of my dad or the allergies of Bill’s mom, I felt that
my non-desire for a dog was reason enough not to get one. With four children
and one husband, I felt I had enough creatures under my care. We have no
houseplants because I believe that candles are equally decorative and do not
need to be watered. I explained to the boys that I was afraid the work of a dog
would fall to me. We live quite near to a natural pond, I reminded them. We
occasionally can see a blue heron from our kitchen window. Isn’t that wildlife
enough? I also pointed out the frogs, geese, and squirrels living nearby. Why
have an animal inside the house when you can admire one from afar?

The
boys were not deterred, and to my alarm, Bill took their side-- suddenly (it seemed to me) developing a robust
interest in dog research and offering to be the parent sponsor of the dog. If
they didn’t live up to the dog chores they as they vowed in slides four through
seven, the responsibility would fall to Bill, not me, he promised.

And
so I said yes. I said yes partly because our boys had never really asked for
anything substantial before; partly because their PowerPoint was compelling
(slides eight and nine summarized the therapeutic benefits of dog ownership for
children who have been through trauma); and partly because I did not want to be
known for the rest of my life as the mom who stopped the dog ownership.

We
have had Zola, a Portuguese water dog, a little more than a year now. My dad is
still afraid of her. The boys have kept their end of the bargain, impressing me
with early morning walks before school, wearing reflective vests and carrying
flashlights when they have to walk her before the sun rises. Zola is sweet,
quiet, athletic and always seems to be teething, based on what I find destroyed
on the floor when I come home from work. She has dug holes in our yard, licked
away tears, and has proven to be way more interactive with the family than the
blue heron ever was.

Zola
is my biggest compromise. She is the first time my boys were allowed to drive a
major family decision. And that’s why sometimes, when I turn a corner in the
house, I am surprised to see Zola there. She is a reminder that usually, I’m in
charge. Usually, decisions start and stop with me. Usually, I have the final
say in the family. But not always. And that is a good thing indeed.

About Me

Annemarie writes locally and nationally on foster care, adoption, parenting and spirituality. She is responsible for the content in At Home with Our Faith (circulation 80,000), which has won the First Place award in its category from the Associated Church Press for three consecutive years. Her Training Wheels column has appeared in the Milwaukee Catholic Herald since 2002 and most of these blogs appeared first in her Training Wheels column or as a chapter of her book, Discovering Motherhood (Ambassador Press, 2006). She is married to Bill, with four children (two biological, two adopted), and works in a job-share position at Johnson Controls as director of Corporate Programs in Diversity and Public Affairs.