Greg Ash's 10 Reasons Why 'Shooting Film Makes You Arty'

Film photographers are innately artsy. Everything they do, whatever kind of pictures they take: they are, more or less, automatically considered to be funky-fartsy. Every film photographer’s self-portrait is his/her diary — or another just “another arty accident,” says blogger Greg Ash.

Don’t get us wrong. Generalizing analogue photographers as hip individuals would, of course, be an overstatement. Nope! Stereotyping is not our middle name. However, here is a cynically funny 10-bullet point type-touched testament by an online writer *Greg Ash* which elaborates why shooting film makes one arty — and all that jazz!

ONE
First up, having an analogue camera round your neck just looks artier than a chunky digital one. Unfortunately, due to a flurry of articles in Lifestyle magazines about old cameras being cool, it is sometimes difficult to separate the real arty ones from the pretenders. Just knowing know how to use it means you are already ahead of the game.

TWO
Loading film is a skill that few people have anymore. Skills are arty. Even if you aren’t at the end your film, rewind it, remove it and replace the same film in a public place and you will be the artiest person in the room. If no one notices, just repeat.

THREE
If someone you have just met proclaims themselves a ‘photographer,’ you can ask them what format they shoot, analogue or digital. If they reply ‘digital,’ you are allowed to smirk slightly, before straightening your face and saying, “That’s cool.” They’ll understand that what you really mean is “I’m better than you.”

FOUR
Shooting film is old. In the past, people used to be artier than they are now (e.g. Dickens and Shakespeare). Therefore, you are arty.

FIVE
When you drop your film off to be developed, most labs give you a little piece of paper to keep in your wallet. Every time you go to pay for something, take this slip out and say loudly “I must remember to pick up my photos.” The combination of absent-mindedness and shooting analogue makes you mega-arty! This is especially effective on a date.

SIX
Because analogue photos are physical, you can carry your artiness with you at all times. Take them out on a busy bus or tube, flick through them, study your negatives, hold them up to the light. Go to town and watch as the dullards playing games on their iPhones look up and realise they live shallow lives compared to you.

SEVEN
When you take an photo of a group, exclaim “That was a good one!” Everyone will crowd around to see the digital display. Of course there isn’t one. While you know it will be a good photo, they need a LCD display to confirm this. You are arty. They are not.

EIGHT
Excess film should be kept in your fridge. Don’t ask why. Just do it. Then host a big event like a barbecue and tell people to help themselves to beers in the fridge. They will see that you value art more than food. Although they might not say anything, deep down you’ll know they know.

NINE
If you upload your analogue photos on Facebook you will get twice as many ‘likes’ as a digital album. Simple. Other people will want to add you as a friend. If they have an arty profile photo, accept them. Otherwise, don’t.

TEN
To show off your artiness, take arty self-portraits of yourself without fear of criticism. Whilst a digital self portrait is narcissistic, an analogue self portrait is just an arty accident. After all, you were only using up the final few shots so you could get your film developed.

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Oh, I love this. @aalper, it's not elitism, it's satire, and the writer is actually poking fun (gentle fun) at us film photographers rather than literally saying "look at how arty we really are". The great thing is that there is a lot of truth to it. Thumbs up!

#11 Why scanning your negatives at home where nobody can see and admire you? Take your folder full of negatives to university's computer! And don't forget to bring your white cotton gloves. This will make you look extremely arty. (This is what I'm doing at the moment because I don't own a proper film scanner :D)

The best targets for satire are people who take themselves way too seriously (e.g., Best in Show, or Waiting for Guffman). The funniest thing about this article, though, is how it teases insecurities. I'll bet a bunch of readers secretly wonder "Am *I* snobby and pretentious?" or, "Am I an artist, or am I only trying to look like one?" My favorite line in the article is, "deep down you’ll know they know."
Cheers to Lomography for publishing this article! :)

I'm still laughing. If I may:
ELEVEN
When you have guests at home tell them they must use the other bathroom, because in this one, your films are drying. You'll sound artsy while deliberately interfering with their natural needs.

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