Wednesday, December 13, 2006

I hate finals.

The comprehensive ones are especially loathsome.

They tease me, you know? There is all this build up to the last day of class and then, bam, you're on your own: Go lock yourself in the library for a few hours and re-learn a whole semester's worth of material. Nuh-unh. Once I feel the freedom of not having to go to class, I shut down. How can I not when they've literally given me a three-day vacation until the big tests? I've done well throughout the whole semester, finished my homework, dotted my i's, crossed my t's, and minded my p's and q's.Finals should be on the last day of class.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

I'm addicted.

I can admit it.That's the first step to recovery, right? Or maybe the third. Anyway, I know that I have a problem; I've got an addictive personality, I guess.

I can't stop downloading music off of the Internet. No illegals mind you, there's no Gnutella, Limewire, or Kazaa, just my host of legal and free websites. And most of the stuff I find isn't what you'd call "accessible" exactly, but, there have been a coupla winners--ask Ali.

So, having good music isn't the problem and getting it legally free isn't bad either. I just can't stop. I really need to get going on the much procrastinated personal statement, but, looking for free tunes is much more fun. Maybe scouring the Net for good tunes is fulfilling a hunter/gatherer instinct long neglected. I don't know...but, I need help.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Don't sit next to me.There are a billion other computer stations available in this place and there are only TWO on this row.Don't you obey the freaking urinal rule? LEAVE A SPACE!Of course you've begun sniffling at an unexagerrated rate of 2 sniffs per 5 seconds and whistling through your teeth to the songs on your iPod. Next you'll start clicking your mouse incessantly trying to win that free PS3 until either your cellphone rings or a buddy from class shows up. Either way, you'll talk at the top of your voice even though that person, whether on the phone or standing 2 feet away from you, can hear you. Guess what? You're coming in loud and clear over here too.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Friday, October 20, 2006

Top Five Tricks and Treats of Halloween

Top 5 Songs1.) Sammy (no) Dead (Jamaican Trad.)2.) The Killing Moon (Echo and the Bunnymen)3.) Flesh and Blood (Oingo Boingo)4.) They Are Night Zombies!! They Are Neighbors!! They Have Come Back From The Dead!! Ahhhh!(Sufjan Stevens)5.) Foyer Dirge (Haunted Mansion: Disneyland)

Friday, October 13, 2006

Monday, October 09, 2006

It's time to hang up my board.

No more surfing for me...can't handle it anymore. I've swallowed enough red tide. Besides, there are hardly any good waves out there anyway. And it's too much effort to try and catch them in real time.

I wish we could afford Tivo, but until then Mr. VHS will do the trick.

Friday, September 29, 2006

So, I may be a hypochondriac.

But, you'd freak out too if, after eating some potentially undercooked pork, remembered that trichinosis was a particularly disgusting infection involving parasitic worms burrowing into your muscle, heart, and brain (for fun photo google helminth, trichinosis, and calcification). Or, if in a completely unrelated situation, was told by a shocked "Instacare" nurse that your blood pressure was unusually high for someone in their 20's and subsequently and repeatedly draw "pre-hypertension" using the grocery store arm cuff.Or, if occasionally you feel a pain in your chest and the muscle covering one of the ribs running to the base of your sternum is tender to the touch.Yeah, you'd freak out too.I need to go see a doctor.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Well, it's been raining like crazy here in Utah lately.And since I am way too cheap to pay for a University parking pass, I park inches outside of the "Residents Only" zone near campus and hike three blocks to class in the mornings. Now, I'm a Utahn, and as such, never use an umbrella (see definition of high desert), but all this rain was threatening my expensive university bookstore-bought books...So I caved.

It looked like a conservative umbrella when I first saw it, covered in a plain navy blue case, seemingly the kind Ali's grandma would keep. "Ah, the posession of a woman who preferred utility over fashion," I thought to myself as I shoved it into my backpack.

30 minutes later, I was exiting my car on 3rd South and 11th East into a torrential downpour. As I unsheathed the umbrella and extended it into play, it exploded like a 4th of July snake-in-a-can in a smattering of celestial wonder. In my haste, I had taken...a star umbrella. And I'm not talking supernova star or even glow-in-the-dark star--for that would be manly and cool--I mean the same kind of star found on Old Navy ladies' t-shirts, ball caps worn by European tourists at Zion NP, and the American flag. Not cool...unless you happen to be a grandma, a flag or it happens to be the 4th of July.

So as I walk on campus, trying not to compare the various low-key, neutral, earthtoned umbrellas of passers-by to my bespeckled, flamboyant tribute to "Old Glory," I softly twirl it on my shoulder and discretely hum, "Singing in the Rain."

Friday, September 15, 2006

Phrase of the day: "State-mandated Roleplay"

I'm losing weight.At least, that's what Ali and my mom keep telling me. But in all honesty I'm the same 165 lbs I've been since 1998. Really.But, I like to make two very important ladies in my life happy so I'm embarking on a campaign to appease them.As of Wednesday, I decided to embark on a mission to become the fattest man alive.Good-bye, healthy choices.Good-bye, exercise.Hello, deep-fat fryer.Okay, not really, but, wouldn't you like to see that on TV?Join us for 4 contestants throwing caution to the wind and eating whatever and whenever they want, all battling it out to become Fattest Human Alive!. "We're gonna need a crane to move this season's winner!"

But I digress... I've simply decided to start eating an energy bar in addition to what I already eat every day. You see, I'm hoping that this extra calorie boost will start putting a little meat on my bones. Then my loved ones will notice and stop commenting on the imagined weight that I'm losing. If not, at least I can save my empty wrappers for proof.It's pathetic, I know. And energy bars are nasty, but, so far I've taste-tested the following before heading over to Costco for bulk-commitment.Payday energy bar = blandClif Bar (Almond Fudge sumthin') = sweet enough, but the aftermath is a little . Power Bar Natural = nutty and crunchy...almost in excess.Kashi bar = good texture but this particular variety tasted like Coffee.Mojo bar = pendingSnicker's Marathon = pending

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Rocky Anderson is a strange cookie.I'm glad that he has strong political feelings, but, protesting the President by personally leading a public rally against him is bad form--and is rather selfish, too.I could understand if the President was here to campaign, but, he's here to honor Veterans!Use the tons of free time after your mayorship is up to promote your own agenda, Ross.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Honking vigorously everytime we drive past the empty pool still hasn't remedied the situation. Perhaps more drastic measures are in order; maybe I'm just not speaking the same language as the homeowner's assoc.

A lot of elderly people live in this complex who are always posting signs for "LOST: One Calico Cat" And even a few "STOLEN: One Wheelchair. SHAME ON YOU!" Maybe if I construct a sign that says something like, "LOST and/or STOLEN: ONE SWIMMING POOL. If found before Labor Day please notify ALL residents. SHAME ON YOU!" it'll stir them to action. Then again... it'll probably only merit a verbal bashing in the condo newsletter by the Homeowner's Assoc Secretary whom we affectionately refer to as "the Pecker."

The only construction that went up quickly this summer in Davis County was an Arctic Circle. It's totally ready for action except that the surrounding 20 acres are still dirt.

"Dear Pecker,

Please hire those Arctic Circle guys next time you bid out ANY construction project.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Well the summer's been pretty busy thus far.

I got a job as a pharm-tech at Wal-Mart. (I love retail!)

We hiked to the Hot Pots and were repulsed by a hippie who claimed some sort of ownership over it just because he had renounced society living for four days in favor of eating organic eggs while soaking in the pots.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

AMERICAN IDOLaltry....Alright, so Ali and I have been watching American Idol faithfully for about a month now.We'd rather be outside or doing other things...outside, but, the weather's crappy-even for springtime in Utah-and we don't like being cold or wet.

Anyway, this is my first AI addiction, so I can't compare with past seasons, but even though FOX promotes that YOU, the viewer, determines who stays and who goes, it's bogus. The "bottom three" are careflly constructed to provide suspense and drama every Wednesday! How else could you explain the fact that Bucky "Off-key Gravel-throat" Covington was not voted off last night? Or even Ace "Freaky-Deaky" what's-his-face?

So why was Mandisa nixed?Sure she's got a lot of junk in the trunk but it seems unlikely that physical appearance would have that much bearing over position...I mean, Rueben Stoddard won once, right? Both, online and newspaper polls showed that, although her popularity had fallen in recent weeks, Mandisa was still about 2nd place.Anyway, not that you can really put a lot of trust into online polls, cell phone voting, or the general taste of TV-watching America, but...still, something seems fishy here.

Even though she has considerable singing talent, the reason she didn't survive was because she brought religion into the show. Simon's reaction to her Southern Tent Revival Hymn awhile back was indicative of the reaction of many across the country, I'm sure. But, it's suprising that an evangelical south seems to be backing two of the most talentless characters on the show, Bucky and "The Pickler," while exxing one with talent.Whether audiences or the powers at FOX decided this remains disputable.

Anyway, I threatened boycott for next week, hoping that good weather would drive us away from the accursed TV, but, it's snowing right now., I just can't quit you, American Idol.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

HAIR, hair, hair, down to there!My hair is long...really, really long. And, I know when it's getting long because my mother, bless her heart, starts saying it's too long...only in her own way."Wow, Ryan, you've got...um...a wave in your hair, don't you?""Wow, Ryan, your hair grows so FAST! When was the last time you had it cut?"

I've been meaning to get it cut lately, but for some reason or another--sloth, cheapness, apathy---haven't quite done it yet.

There's a place near the U that advertises $4 cuts, which I've used before, but charges $10 for long hair. And everytime I think about that place, I find myself pulled into a debate about what "long hair" actually means. I mean, are we talking "glam rock" long hair or "too long for BYU honor code" long hair? Because if it's the latter, the $6 hike is too much for me. And, of course, I don't have the gumption to simply enter the store and ask.

Also, I've got a coupon for $6.99 at Great Clips, which is also near where we live, but a girl from our ward works there and it would be kind of embarrassing if she, somehow, was appointed to cut my hair and somehow botched it... Church is awkward enough as it is, what with being consigned to the primary and hardly knowing anybody, that I don't need a dopey looking haircut to separate me any further from the members of the congregation.

Ali's been trying to talk my dad into doing it, which is great, I mean, free cut, who can balk at that. But he's tired. He's only a haircutting shadow of the man who, the first time he bought haricutting clippers, shaved my head, and my little brother's, into a style that proclaimed, "deloused!" But, from there on out, he honed his craft, employed scissors, and got good enough that we came to not mind. But now, everytime we bring it up, he says, "sure, whenever you're ready," which means "not now."

Monday, March 20, 2006

"Sorry about my face."

Do you ever have those days where you're walking in a crowded place, a university campus perhaps, and an unusual amount of people stare at you as you walk past? And not the usual casual glance, but a look as if to say, "hey, man, you've got dried snot on your face" or "XYZ PDQ, friend." But then, you check your fly and wipe your nose and find nothing.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

I love their philosophy!"World-Class Fitness in 100 Words:Eat meat and vegetables, nuts and seeds, some fruit, little starch and no sugar. Keep intake to levels that will support exercise but not body fat. Practice and train major lifts: Deadlift, clean, squat, presses, C&J, and snatch. Similarly, master the basics of gymnastics: pull-ups, dips, rope climb, push-ups, sit-ups, presses to handstand, pirouettes, flips, splits, and holds. Bike, run, swim, row, etc, hard and fast. Five or six days per week mix these elements in as many combinations and patterns as creativity will allow. Routine is the enemy. Keep workouts short and intense. Regularly learn and play new sports."

Thursday, January 26, 2006

I'm a loser.

I don't talk to anyone at school, but I see the same people almost every day.And it's not the same as at BYU when you walk past that red-headed kid at 4:17PM on Fridays walking from the WILK to the stairs above the Smith Fieldhouse...and think, "man, I see that freaking red-headed kid everyday."It's more like...I see the same people because we're all in the same classes and I sit around them. I know their names, their majors, and some of their life stories...all from just overhearing them talk. But, I don't talk to them...any of them...really.So, I'm basically friendless on campus.

Now, I'm not trying to solicit sympathy or a host of comforting emails. I'm just leading up to this...my compensation: the IMDB.com discussion boards. Debating and discussing with my fellow film geeks, I'm enveloped in the warm arms of their understanding and love...well, when they agree with me. But, even when they don't, I still enjoy the slap of their dissent and then the overwhelming urge to prove them wrong. And, I really like talking about movies...

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

A few years ago, while at the Spanish Fork hot pots with some friends, we saw a young fellow with "Do Not Resuscitate" tattooed onto his right pec. This, of course, sparked all sorts of wonder and speculation, but the fellow was elusive and a little intimidating and none of us had the guts to do anything about it so... He was simply added to the tomes of hotpot legend and lore.

Flashforward to a year later...

We're at the same hotpots again and, lo and behold, walking down the trail comes the same guy! This time my brother-in-law is along for the ride and having heard the legend is determined to solve the mystery that has been stumping us all for a year. Matt approaches the guy and in a friendly way questions the meaning of the tattoo. As if to shroud himself in further mystery, the fellow shrugs off all questioning and stand-offishly yields no information! He and his butterfly-tatted girlfriend venture off into hitherto unexplored regions leaving us more confounded than ever.

Flashforward to a few years later...Today.

Images of the tattoo randomly appear in my head and I'm suddenly impelled by some unseen force to search the Internet for any clues that might reveal some clues to the nature of that mysterious guy when I stumble upon this:http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/2819149.stm

Apparently, DNR tattoos are envogue amongst the ranks of retired/retiring medical workers. They don't want their wishes to be overlooked so what more blatant way to state to an EMT that you don't wanna be resuscitated than to have it written directly on your chest? This, although unorthodox, makes some amount of sense, but, why a seemingly heathly 20-something would do it, does not. And why a seemingly heathly 20 something in Utah would have done it at least 5 years before it become an international trend is enough to keep one up at night.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

I've become a sleepy person.

This is sort of hard for me to come to terms with because I never used to fit into this category. Coming from a guy who worked graveyards in college garnering only 4-6 hours of sleep a night while still feeling okay is strange. Now, I sometimes can sleep anywhere from 8 - 11 hours a night. Wow.

It might not help that even though we've set the thermostat to 66, for some bizarre reason besides heat rising, it's still 80 degrees upstairs where we sleep. Or, it may be contingent upon the fact that our bed is nestled in an archetectural anomaly of nook resembling a cave. I dunno.