First things first, Happiest New Year! I wish you everything of the absolute best for 2017, may it be everything that 2016 was not.

Now, for the really wonderful news, as the title of this post suggests - I am pregnant!

After being positive we were done with having babies (after having our sweet princess, who is 4 now) we had a major change of heart towards the second half of last year. I think it was a combination of finally feeling completely settled after buying our first home, and realizing our baby girl is no longer a baby.

I found out I was pregnant the end of October, we were over the moon! I didn't have many symptoms, except that I was craving pineapple with chili powder (I don't generally enjoy overly spicy food, or sweet/spicy combinations). When my period was a day late I took a pregnancy and I saw the 2 lines that would once again change our lives forever.

The next week my mom came to visit for a few days, and I hadn't told her I was pregnant yet, me and my husband were going to do a really cute announcement to tell her the good news that Wednesday night. Then while I was busy making food that afternoon, I started cramping, not period-like cramps, but rather sharp, shooting pains down low in my abdomen. If you have ever been pregnant, you will be familiar with the "lightning crotch" cramps you get towards the end of your pregnancy - that is the best way I can explain the cramps.

At first they weren't overly painful, then they got worse and I had to lean on the kitchen counter for support because it was so painful. I decided to go lie down on the couch and I googled my symptoms - because Dr. Google knows everything, right?

My mom was outside with Abigail at the time, and I read a lot of stories of women experiencing cramps and everything being fine, so I figured as long as I'm not bleeding I'm okay. The cramping started to subside and I decided to go finish making supper. Then just as I got up from the couch I felt a "gush" and I just knew something wasn't right. I went to the bathroom to check, and I saw I was bleeding. Not spotting - bright red bleeding. My heart stopped.

I phoned my husband and told him I was having a miscarriage. I was convinced I had lost the baby. I was absolutely devastated but I had to pull myself together, my mom still didn't know I was pregnant, and I didn't want to tell her at that point because I was just too upset and I wanted to keep it between me and my husband. I contacted my midwife and asked her if I should go to the ER when my hubby gets home from work, or if I should just wait until the next day and see my gynecologist - so she said because it is so early they won't be able to do anything to stop a miscarriage, so the ER won't be any help and I might as well wait to see the doctor the next day.

That Wednesday the bleeding and cramping had completely disappeared, that's when a tiny bit of hope returned that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't losing the baby I prayed so hard for. I decided to tell my mom that night as I would have to go to the doctor the next morning, so unfortunately I didn't get to tell my mom under the best circumstances. The next morning I went to see the gynecologist and he did a scan, I was not even 6 weeks pregnant and I really wasn't expecting to see anything on the ultrasound, I even went into my appointment alone because I just wanted to be alone when the doctor told me I lost the baby.

When the Doctor started looking around on the ultrasound he found a large subchorionic hematoma, which basically was a bleed in my uterus. Then he found a tiny little heart that was starting to beat - I could see the littlest flash on the screen. He put me on strict bed rest for the next week and I was prescribed progesterone. He said there was a high chance of miscarriage and that I had to come back the next week. It was the longest 5 days of my life, the uncertainty was unbearable.

When I went back the following Monday he did another ultrasound, and at this point we could clearly hear the heartbeat! The bleeding was still there, but significantly less and he said my body was absorbing it and I shouldn't have any further issues! I couldn't believe it! I was prepared for the worst. My next appointment was at 10 weeks, and despite having several pregnancy symptoms and being horribly sick, it was as if I was still too scared to really accept that this baby was here to stay, I still had the worst feeling that it was too good to be true and something was going to go wrong.

It was only after my 10 week ultrasound and seeing everything was still 100% perfect and all the bleeding was gone, that I finally relaxed, and knew that I was going to get to hold this little baby in my arms. It was an extremely emotional and stressful experience, but it has just made me that much more grateful to have a healthy baby growing inside of me. I had such an easy pregnancy the first time around, that I might have taken it for granted - a healthy baby or even getting pregnant in the first place is a privilege denied to many, and I am so grateful for the wonderful blessings that call me, and will in the future, call me Mommy.