does it really matter?

Hello Vodka. Are you there? It’s me, Michelle.

Whenever you are waiting for a doctor to call you back with the results of a test, it is a stressful time. Is it going to be bad news? Good news? Well that call came two days early. Never a good sign. When I answered, the doctor sounded cheerful as ever. Maybe it was good news? Maybe it was his personality? Or maybe not. That was when he said "high grade precancerous dysplasia. We need to schedule for an another appointment as soon as possible."

My thoughts: Stunned. Not again. And it’s worse this time around. FUCK! Why can’t I just be healthy? Why is it always one problem after another? What did I do that was so wrong? What did I do to piss God off? I’m tired. Exhausted. Spent.