Tuesday, November 26, 2013

The higher my stress level gets, the more I miss this daily dose of gratitude. I need it. I'm not sure that I can commit to daily writing again, but I have truly been equal parts humbled and inspired these past few days, and I need an outlet for the overwhelming feelings of gratitude. I want to hold this feeling, and this might be one of the best ways that I know how.

I love my life. I really do. That being said, some days are easier than others. When I get too caught up, I pray that I will not let myself become too stressed or busy to notice the daily Post-its I get from God. I always get what I need when I need it most, I swear. There are these reminders. Sometimes it's people who go out of their way to love me when I least deserve it. Sometimes it's small yet humbling moments. Sometimes it's just a little thing with a big meaning. I just have to look for it, and I turns out I don't even have to look that hard. God sticky noted all over my day today.

I am so wrapped up in my own stuff lately and doing so many things that I feel as if I can't possibly be doing a great job at anything. Somehow, though, I am blessed far beyond what I deserve. I need to know that it's okay that I'm not always or not ever the best mom, wife, teacher, or friend. I need to know that the people I love could forgive me for this and love me anyway, despite the faults that I have been wearing out in plain sight lately. I need to know that I can forgive myself for watching Real Housewives and going to bed early a few nights in a row instead of nurturing relationships or grading papers. I have been feeling perpetually behind at work and in life, and that needs to be okay.

It turns out that all of this is okay somehow. For some reason, I can be far from amazing but still be surrounded by amazing. For this, I am truly grateful. Here are some of God's little "stickies" that I recognized in my life today:

I am oh so very blessed to have friends who love me. Not only that, they are even better friends when they know that I am being too selfish with my time to be a great friend back. I have sweet friends who have truly become my family, and I'm also lucky enough to have a family full of friends. They are so life giving and generous with their love without any expectations of anything in return. This just makes me want even more to be a better friend to all of these people who deserve everything I can give and more.

My job causes me unbelievable stress and completely turns me into a crazy person. Every once in a great while, I question my poor life choice to work as hard as I do to make as little as I do. It's no secret that teachers are overworked and underpaid. The thing is, though, that it's not really a job at all. This is my calling. It's my life. Any time I even begin to doubt my career choice, I find a "sticky note" that humbles me, reminds me, and takes my breath away. Today, it was an actual note from a student that left me crying at my desk in the best possible way. These kids are worth every gray hair and wrinkle that they will cause me. It is an incredible honor to be included, sometimes even invited, into their worlds. My life is rich with memorable moments of wonderful that keep me up late at night and get me up early in the morning.

Look for the reminders! Seriously, just look. There they are. I was Godsmacked in the face by the church across the street from school on the way home today. The sign out front had Psalm 119:68 on it: You are good, and what you do is good. Ahhhhh. Thank you.

If you're one of the three people who will read this, chances are that I love you dearly, and I don't tell you that or show you that enough. Thank you. Thank you for loving me anyway. Thanks for being who you are and allowing me to be me, even when I could be a lot better. I may be undeserving, but I promise that I am not ungrateful.