If you’re a person: Stay where you are—not like you have a choice. Thousands of flights have been canceled, and roads, tunnels, and bridges, like those in and around New York City, will close for the foreseeable future in a few hours. While schools and office buildings (what’s up, 4 Times Square?) are shuttered tomorrow, too, many city and local governments have not yet determined the Tuesday work status of municipal employees. Keep charging your electronic devices, also, as Con Edison, supplier of power to many New Yorkers, may preemptively shut off service in certain low-lying areas. Fun fact: the Supreme Court was open today, but it’ll be closed tomorrow. What do you think Antonin Scalia is going to watch on television all afternoon: What Not to Wear or Bad Girls Club?

If you’re a crane: Plan a discussion with your keepers about why you weren’t lowered down in anticipation of the storm. Is that possible? How do cranes work? We’re not cranes, we don’t know!

If you’re on Twitter: Keep tweeting! We have read some fabulous jokes this afternoon! Honorable mentions: VF Daily pal and Yale Law Journal editor Doug Lieb, who guessed *The New York Post’*s crane-related headline would be “Crane Isn’t Able”; Salon writer Alex Pareene, who observed “some tension between local news urging us to stay indoors and then asking us to send in cool storm pictures,” and *Time’*s James Poniewozik, who boldly spoke out against shoddy crane journalism: “You don’t predict a crane accident with cold statistics, it’s about shoe leather & your gut & talking to cranes at the local diner.”

If you’re an on-the-ground reporter: Get your foot out of the sand. This is both a metaphor (starting thinking about the day-two story) and actual advice to Steve Doocy progeny/Fox News employee Peter Doocy, who hilariously got his boot stuck in the beach. For tomorrow’s coverage, we don’t want to hear about empty shelves at supermarkets, we want to know what Manhattanites are going to do with all the carbs they bought in a panic but now want nothing to do with. And how are the poor anonymous billionaires of One57 coping with the crane collapse? And if the subways do flood, will it at least result in some hauntingly gorgeous Atonement-style photos of underwater transit hubs?