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Ah. . . The first week of school is over. I'll keep what I have to say about it short. It was fine. I thought I got a few scary teachers, but they're actually nice. I think I can get through this semester in one piece. I'll be crossing my fingers for that one.
As you might know, I like to organize things. This does not make me a neat freak or a super organized person. I have piles of random junk everywhere. It just means that I like to categorize and move things around sometimes. It's also a kind of fidgeting. I arrange flashcards alphabetically even when I know that I'll have to mix them up in order to really get the words on them memorized. I also move and reorganize files on my computer which makes my computer very angry sometimes (I do a lot of things that make my computer angry, but I'm not even aware of some of them). Another thing is I organize piles even though I cannot possibly get them any neater because they are piles of stuff. Stuff is hard to organize. It's not specific enough to really look neat. Well, it might look neat as in cool but not neat as in tidy. Stuff prefers to look like clutter.
That leads me to the odd things I find. My mix of organization and clutter gives me a mix of things I know I have and bizarre trinkets from Neverland. This works both on my computer and in every place I put stuff. It's not uncommon for me to ask someone,"What is this and how did I get it?". Usually I find the name, origin, and purpose deep in a tiny, dusty box in my brain. Equally often, that person is Andrea who just lets me mumble to myself until she realizes that I'm mumbling to her. You might know what I'm going to say next.
Today, I went through one of my notebooks. Within its wide-ruled, ink-filled pages I found some gems. Not the kind of gems that Andrea finds. I mean the kinds of angsty teenager gems that make you cringe mixed in with a few others that are gems because you realize that you actually wrote down something that was special. Also, I found stickers and Post-Its. Cello stickers, FTW! :D
There were a few other objects, but there was a single name that said more than anything on its page. I had forgotten the name but not the person. I couldn't forget him. He was truly an unforgettable person. I'll explain the best way I can.
I was pretty much alone at the Junior/Senior Retreat my Junior/Senior year. I was in charter school, so I had to go with the church. That meant that I was really going with previous classmates who I had had little contact with. As a result, I didn't feel connected enough with them to really hang out. The only person I had really kept in touch with was my boyfriend at the time, but he was a Sophomore, so he couldn't be there. I did know a couple people at the retreat, but they had their own friends. I just felt alone. It seemed like a mistake to go to a retreat where I had no connections. With limited social skills, I didn't expect to enjoy the social benefits that I had enjoyed at previous events. Still, I tried to have fun with everyone. I got sat on in an empty row, and then I sat with a row of jackets. Nifty if I was cold, yes. Esteem-boosting, no. I started to feel worse.
Then, the weekend got a lot better because of the person I mentioned. I don't remember exactly when, but I ended up bumping into a guy. He was very nice and extremely easy to talk with. We talked for quite a while and it felt good. I didn't feel inadequate or like I was expected to do anything. Words came more easily than I usually felt. I realized that I had forgotten what it was like to make a friend rather than just end up with a person who I called a friend. We didn't keep in touch, but it meant a lot to me at the time that I had made a friend. I needed a friend that weekend. That experience comes back to me every so often. It just reminds me that a friend isn't someone to stick out loneliness with; it's someone to spend time with. When I see his name written on that page, the rest of the words disappear and I just remember the feeling of being a mopey teenager disappearing. Nothing feels better than feeling the inner esteem-less high school girl being replaced with the person I hope to be in the future.
Andrea's flashback was more entertaining than mine, but I hope anyone reading mine finds it entertaining in some way.
Until the next post, and as always, take care. 8)
p.s. Today, I learned why the McFlurry spoon is so weird. (Btw, Shelbi, I think I told you wrong. Whoops. :S Just read that Yahoo answer.)

About Me

I've been called a dork and an oxymoron. I can't disagree with those terms. I am an artistic nerd. My personality is melancholy/phlegmatic. I like photography, words, and music. I started this blog for a composition class and then just kept it. It can be used as proof that I'm a pack rat. If you want to know more about me, just have a look around. I'm bound to leave a bird-free breadcrumb trail of information for the curious.