Here’s at least one horrible guy I didn’t actually go on a date with

In the wake of my breakup with the Psycho Ex, I moved to an apartment building that added 20 minutes to my morning commute. The extra distance was worth it, as I was determined to keep out of his way and keep the drama at a minimum. The first couple months were relatively quiet. All my neighbors seemed to have a common goal of reclusiveness, until one afternoon when I spotted a young guy walking a puppy with a bright pink leash. Two thoughts immediately went through my mind:

1. He’s attractive. I bet we fall in love in a very sitcom sort of way. I deserve this.

2. He’s a member of the opposite sex. Those are off limits. I am healing.

I did my best to avoid him, but a few days later I was taking Zola out to pee when I heard the sound of a door, followed by him frolicking down the stairs with puppy in tow. He lived right across from me. We were definitely going to fall in love.

The dogs were dying to touch noses, so we made polite conversation. His name was Josh and he’d just adopted Jasmine from a no-kill shelter a few weeks prior. What a great guy.

As I said goodbye, he mentioned something about going to the dog park together and I brushed him off with a “sure, maybe sometime” and thought nothing of it. Half an hour later, I heard a knock at my door. No one had ever knocked on my door, and even though it was daylight I picked up my taser before looking through the peephole. It was Josh, my totally harmless neighbor. I opened the door.

“Hey,” he said. “You want to go to the dog park tomorrow?”

I was so caught off guard that I said yes. I figured he was unlikely to kidnap me with Zola in the backseat, so we made plans to meet by his car at the arse crack of dawn. We spent the morning sitting on a bench in the shade while our dogs chased each other around. We exchanged stories—he’d just moved here from an Army base a few hours away and was going back to school in the fall. He seemed like a sweet fellow with a lot going for him, and he was easy to talk to. After a few hours, we headed back home and I said goodbye before crawling back in bed for a nap.

Two hours later, I heard a knock at the door. It was Josh. Again.

“Hey,” he said. “You want to take the dogs on a walk?”

He seemed a bit too eager, but I decided to give true love a chance. I figured this was karma finally showing up with my well-earned happy ending. As we walked, he elaborated further on his story. He told me about how his first wife cheated on him while he was overseas and that he’d gotten custody of their daughter after they went through a divorce. He glossed over the part of the story where she was taken by the state and told me he’d been railroaded and forbidden from ever seeing her again.

“Jasmine is really the only thing I have in my life right now,” he said.

For the first time ever, I saw the red flags and actually paid attention to them. I steered us back to the apartment, told him to have a good day, and planned on never going anywhere with him again.

The next evening, he knocked on the door as soon as I got home from work. Jasmine sat at his feet, wagging her tail.

“She misses Zola,” he said, “she wanted to say hello.”

I’d known him for less than 24 hours and he’d already come to my door 3 times. That was three times more than anyone else, and a short preview of the next few months. Josh became inescapable. He was living off of student loans and didn’t have a job, so he stayed home all day playing video games. What this meant was that every time I opened my door, he came outside. Every time I took Zola out to pee, he followed. Every time my car pulled into the parking lot, he leashed Jasmine and came out, pretending to run into us.

I saw him more than my coworkers and close family members.

And then one day—he was gone. His car was still there, but the constant encounters were no more. A few days passed before I saw him walking inside with a sad looking young woman. Luck had finally shone upon me and sent him a girlfriend to absorb his passionate attentions.

This was about 6 months into my lease, and right when my naked photo scandal hit at work. I was a wreck, trying to figure out how to respond or react. My brother told me to file a police report, so I drove to the station on a Sunday afternoon. I hadn’t been sleeping and probably looked like a hot mess as I detailed my story for the police officer in the lobby. Afterwards, she sent me home with strict instructions to file for a restraining order the next day.

I drove home, feeling a weird mix of terror and relief. Just as I parked, a police car pulled up. I watched as two officers got out and opened the back for Josh to exit. I watched as they took him out of handcuffs and sent him on his way.

I jumped out of the car to intercept him, curiosity overriding all semblance of intelligence.

“Don’t judge me,” he said with a sheepish smile.

I asked him what had happened and he started in on a long story about “Shannon,” whom I assumed was the forlorn looking girl I’d seen around. Apparently she was only 18 years old and was fighting with her dorm roommate. It was the second week of school and he’d convinced her to move in with him.

“I love her,” he said. “She’s the only person I ever want to be with.”

Her parents had found out about the situation and refused to pay her tuition. They withdrew her from school and demanded she fly back home to Ohio.

“I don’t know how they can do this,” he said, his voice trembling.

“Wait,” I said. “How long have you known her?”

“A while,” he insisted. “We met at orientation.”

This meant about three weeks.

“What does this have to do with the police?”

He looked down at the grass.

“Well, I got really upset.”

I nodded, using my best I-work-at-a-psych-hospital face.

“She was on the phone with her dad, and she was crying.”

I kept nodding.

“So I took the phone and told him that if he took her away, I was going to kill both of us.”

He shrugged, then went on.

“I don’t think I really meant it, I was just upset and didn’t want her to leave. But he called the police, that bastard.”

At this point I took a couple steps to the side, ready to put a locked door between us.

“But I wasn’t really arrested,” he added, as though that would reassure me. “They just took me to this place across town, where I had to talk to a doctor for a while.”

I stopped.

“Where did they take you?”

“It was this big brick building, over by the farmer’s market. I had to talk to a doctor and convince him I wasn’t going to kill her. I told him I was going to the VA every week and taking my medication, which is total bullshit, because I’m not actually crazy.”

I’d spent the morning at the police station, talking about my psycho stalker of an ex and this guy had been over at my place of employment, lying his way out of being admitted. There was something almost poetic about the constant swirl of absurdity around my life.

“And the worst part of all is that Shannon’s allergic to dogs, so I took Jasmine to the pound. So now one of them is dead and the other one is gone forever.”

Something tells me that really wasn’t the worst part. Thankfully I didn’t stick around long enough to find out.

Have you realized in hindsight that you dodged a dating bullet? Do you answer the front door when someone knocks on it? Tell me about your creepiest neighbor.

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Haha! The illusion you’re normal. You’re definitely not normal, Michelle! And we love you for it.

And yeah… if you can’t easily identify the weird people in the neighborhood… it’s probably you 😉

My next door neighbor probably hates me. She has thrown out my dead potted plants before, and weedeated my side yard. And sometimes she rolls in my trash can because I can’t be bothered. I’m THAT person.

Ah yes the pink leash! Such a clever purchase. Had it been the usual black or mud brown … Our neighbors at the moment are lovely. A welcome treat to be relieved from spy duty. Found myself kneeling on my son’s bed, peeping through blinds with phone in hand as I was on with police reporting drama unfolding outside. Upstairs tenant threatening downstairs tenant of house across street. She’d just moved in downstairs and was currently hiding in massive hedge hissing into her phone for police to rescue her. Long story short – she moved out that night (shortest tenancy ever?), he called a cab and when it arrived booted his pit bull into back seat, I slept all of 6 minutes thinking about his poor dog…

Dang. That sounds intense :-/ It’s a good thing you called the police. It’s better to just go ahead and make the call and worry about wasting their time than to second guess yourself and end up regretting it.

Glad you didn’t get involved with that guy! It would have driven me nuts to be “hounded” like that.
I have always had a 6th sense about people. Although I haven’t always paid attention to it with girlfriends, I reacted to red flags or vibes pretty early on with guys. I definitely made mistakes, but I somehow avoided getting involved with psychos and sociopaths. Maybe it’s not a 6th sense at all, but a very exhausted guardian angel. Who knows?

It was a sort of helpless feeling, because it wasn’t like I could just pretend to not be home… when he saw my car every single time I pulled in. It got to a point where I just ignored the door. Awkward.

I’ll bet both of our guardian angels are exhausted! And I know what you mean about not heeding red flags with girlfriends as well. Argh, that’s a whole other issue!

The creepiest neighbor I’ve ever had to deal with was when I was in the “first ever” apartment. He was closer to My age and somehow didn’t know we lived so close to each other. I in Apartment 16 and he in 20.

But the introductions were made by the local librarian. And everyone can trust a librarian, right?!??

So he invited Me to come by his home for a fun afternoon of playing video games. Of which I never really did growing up so I was no good at them. We played some sports video game and he was the victor by ten points, then offered to play again. To which the second game I had been struggling throughout and at the final 0.3 seconds a desperation shot went sailing into the air and — nothing but net. I had been down by one, and then I won by two. He threw his controller like a stone across a lake and told Me that he was going to do “stuff” and asked Me to leave.

He did this a lot. He just hated to lose. But things got worse.

He had a vehicle, I did not. So he would ask if I wanted to go with him “to the bigger city” to go shopping and what not. Knowing that I do not like to be stuck in the house, would agree to go. But where he went, I would have to go. He normally frequented something called the Adult Book Nook. Gag gifts and souvenirs and then your steady diet of VHS pornography on the walls. And he would go through every single cover to look and see what was on the back. His lustful desires were not something that I would say “your usual every day male sexual fantasies” so it became uncomfortable to even be around him in that store. Come to find out, that #1- the store had been shut down. #2- it was a hang out for homosexuals, and I was NEVER aware of that until after the fact.

The neighbor did far much worse but I will save the space in this comment section and grant it mercy. But if anyone wants to hear the rest of the story, I am available through other means of communication.

We (other friends and I) were always told that he had a “heart condition” but I never really understood that. I always used to think that his true disability was the fact that he was a slob, his diet sucked, and he never really did anything but took up space while sucking up disability. But after I moved from that situation and moved into a different state, I spoke to him on the phone and finally asked him after being his neighbor for 3 years what his condition was. He had a hole in his heart the size of a dime. It would be the last time I would speak to him because less than a year later, he did perish at the age of 34.

Yowza. This story gives me the jeebies real bad. For all your crap luck it seems like you’ve dodged many a bad situation! I love the part about the nodding and trying to keep a neutral face. I’m a counselor (in training) and I joke that the calmer I look the more alarmed I am. Sometimes all you can do is nod!

Ha, that’s so true about “the calmer I look,” because I am the exact same way! Freaking hilarious. And I share your perspective on crap luck and dodging bad situations– I choose to view all these ridiculous circumstances as wins… simply because hey, I survived!

Seriously. I moved a few months after that, because I’d messed up the restraining order paperwork and included my address– not realizing they would serve my ex a full copy, thus letting him know where I lived. Genius 😉

Oh yes, sooo lucky me 😉 I really don’t know what it is that attracts them– It must be the universe, knowing I would eventually have a blog. Because I can’t imagine anything I could have done to cause him to move in across from me! Yep, it’s the universe’s fault.

Holy shit, woman! I’ve never encountered a piece of work such as you have. But I definitely ditched a guy who wouldn’t tell me his true age (and even lied to my face when I found his ID that had his birthday on it). But this was after we’d been out and every single time he drank to the point of getting drunk (he was almost 40 and I was around 27, and that was stuff I finally decided was not ok by the time I was 24). I did not appreciate having to drive his car to his place when I didn’t know my way around the area. Another time, I went out to dinner twice with a guy, and when he brought me back to my place after the second date, he expected me to put out. I looked at him and said, “I don’t even know you!” That was the end of that.

I definitely am! Very lucky, and not as a result of my own stupidity, that’s for sure. And it’s very true about these being a lesson in trusting our gut. I’ve relied on it a few times since then and thankfully it’s paid off.

I don’t know. I’d been engaged for a while when I was 18 and my cousin was married and pregnant (actually in that order, too). And on the flip side of that, my decision-making abilities have probably got worse since then, rather than better, so. I’m not sure. Is it super young?

Ha, maybe not! I suppose it depends on the person. My sister in law is one day older than me and she too was married and pregnant at 18. Has four kids now, and a private practice. Meanwhile I don’t know how to change lightbulbs in my house.

Four kids and a private practice. See? You and I can google lightbulbs together. There seem to be a lot of people in the world who don’t have to take a two-foot-long fluorescent to the supermarket just so they come away with the right replacement, and they all look at me when I go in with my sample.

Walking a puppy is the oldest trick in the book. I only wish I had been aware of it when I was available. Apparently, walking up to a strange woman with a puppy in tow is disarming. Doing it without one can lead to grave misunderstandings. Don’t ask me how I know that!

It really is! I still fall for it. I’m going to be abducted and/or have my face bit off someday. I think every random stranger who also has a big dog = my best friend. And it’s terrifying how many little children just openly approach me, as though I might not be a kidnapper. Okay Mark, put this on the list of things to tell your daughters!

Unlike you, I am unable to play it cool with creepy men. I tend to panic and lash out, which frightens them off 😀
I do not have a creepy neighbor. I have a schizophrenic neighbor. He’s very kindly and thoughtful, but he’s still schizophrenic. He doesn’t make much sense and he imagines things, and on bad days, he brings me things like raw sausage balls…But, he’s not creepy, just ill.

I was having a recent conversation about how lashing out and acting totally bat shit crazy can actually be very effective when frightening away people who want to victimize you. Especially when they think you’re vulnerable. So kudos to you on that! Keep on lashin’ on.

Aw I love that. “Not creepy, just ill.” There is such a horrible association with a diagnosis of schizophrenia but they’re not all psycho killers like the movies. Some of the most wonderful and sweet patients have schizophrenia and they’re able to find placement and go out and live in the world just fine… if not in a sort of bizarre, raw sausage kind of way depending on the severity of their symptoms.

Ummm….could he be the long lost brother to a “friend” I finally had to say goodbye to forever?? Mine seemed to be a nice-guy-in-training, but too many serial killer tendencies for my taste.
Oh, how I’ve missed reading your stories! I’m hoping to get caught up this week. I certainly hope you’re getting your movie rights set 😉

Aussa, do you have a shingle hanging from your door (or your neck) that says “Do Something Weird, I Need Stories”?

I feel at a loss for weird dates and neighbors. A guy who I’d been lusting after for two years invited me out to dinner FINALLY. He brought his girlfriend. Can you say “awkward”?

I have neighbors who are completely irresponsible dog owners. Their current dog wanders the neighborhood — crossing our very busy — hilly, twisty-turney street constantly. But their previous dog was a psycho German Shepherd (my favorite breed, actually). Shadow did not like the fact that we lived in our house. He went nuts — barking like a junkyard dog if we opened the door, went into our yard, drove in or out of our driveway. I decided to see just how ridiculous it got before threatening police action. He was quiet one day (must not have been feeling well). I opened and closed a cabinet inside my house and Shadow started barking like a maniac again. The fact that I did not shoot/poison/do bodily harm to that dog is proof positive that I am a nice person. He died of natural causes and John and I bought a bottle of Dom Perignon.

Elyse: No, I don’t. But I want one. I haven’t a Pinteresty bone in my body, but mark my words… I think I’m going to have to make this sign you speak of.

Were they trying to entice you into a ménage à trois?

And oh that makes me sad about the bad dog owners :-/ My next door neighbor has these two little long haired chihuahuas that might actually be a little bit cute if they weren’t Satan’s little fluffs. They’re the most bark-happy dogs I’ve ever seen and she’s quick to warn that they actually bite without hesitation. Every time the Boyfran comes over, he threatens to punt them as he walks past the yard where they’re all tethered up.

Ha! I love that she shares a name with James Bonds’ boss– very appropriate 😉 So lovely to see you roundabouts these parts, Kit! I hope life has been treating you well and that you haven’t seen any more people shagging in range rovers or whatnot. Not sure why that’s my first association. Forgive me…

Oh my goodness, Mormons! Oops. I actually did answer the door once, just to be nice and also because I had this weird little inkling of mischief. They were very much like Josh– they kept coming back over and over and over for months. I did score a free DVD out of it though…

Did he bother you anymore after that? Tell me what happened with him (regarding your contact with him) after the police incident.

I had a neighbor two doors down that I posted about a couple years ago. I had one commenter lambast me for talking so terribly about my neighbor and for putting photos of her house on my blog. All I did was layout the facts. I had intended to do a follow up blog about how she ended up being forcibly removed from her house, but husband and friends urged me not to. I think they thought it was insensitive, because she was mentally ill. I still might post about it.http://loreezlane.wordpress.com/2012/10/12/the-mystery-house-2/

Lori, he really did just sort of fade away for the next month or so– and then I broke my lease and moved far away. Or at least out in the country for a month and then to a different house altogether. Oh the dodgy ways in which I try to cover my tracks.

I’ll have to read that post– it can always be a little hard when blogging about people you know/knowish (obviously I do it on the regular) and trying to walk that line of sounding cruel or judgmental. I try to ultimately be the butt of the joke, but really people are just too fascinating to not write about, eh?

Thanks for that tip, Aussa. I’ll have to remember that for future blogging use. Several of the “fascinating people” I’m writing about I’m putting into fiction (novels). This way I can change names and embellish further. You don’t really have to do that (embellish). You’re stories are stranger than fiction. 😉

W O W… ! One guy I was supposed to go out with right before I met my was a dodged bullet. Our date was scheduled one night after work at some wine bar in the Village. He called me at work and asked if I might be able to find something to do since he was running late. I went & got my nails done & figured he’d be the one waiting for me when I got there. Cut to around 90 minutes after I arrived, went in & out of the place a couple times & left him like 3 messages- the last of which was “You’re not here so I’m leaving. Don’t bother calling me again.” He must’ve left me half a dozen messages by the time I got to my apartment. He didn’t even have an EXCUSE! I had to tell him 3 TIMES to stop calling me & each time he called he’d get more & more suggestive – pretty sure I dodged a creep there.

Oh how weird. Yikes, well I’m glad you ended up with fabulous nails and not giving into his overzealous attempts to get a 2nd first date. Yikes. Really makes you wonder… I remember the psycho ex bailing on me a few times and while it was a mystery back then, it certainly made sense once I met his other girlfriend. Ha.

I doubt he really would have followed through on his death threat– I’m assuming that’s why they had him talk to a psychiatrist or whomever the “doctor” was that he was referring to, instead of throwing him in jail first. But geez, how moronic. Most sane people know that if you make a death threat, other sane people will take you at your word!

Of course, I recognize the other red flag was that he admitted to you that he was lying about treatment. Did he not know about your profession? I think he would have done twice the lying if he had! I guess it’s fortunate that he wasn’t clever enough to figure that out– someone craftier would have been much more dangerous.

Ha, right?! What a statement. I do remember a guy who was once admitted who’d told his girlfriend that he was going to kill himself when she dumped him. He was like 21 and drunk and a senior in college and the most not-actually-suicidal person I’ve ever met. He was admitted and had to stay for three nights because it was the weekend. I found it all quite hilarious, though I did feel bad for him. But he shouldn’t have tried to manipulate his girlfriend like that!

And no– he did NOT know about my workplace. Stupid as I often am, I do try and keep personal information to myself when I know it could be used against me– like by an overeager suitor.

Gah, it’s one of those things: You are until you’re not. I still can’t believe I fell into yet another shitty relationship just moments before meeting The Boyfran. Thankfully, I think we do make less and less stupid decisions as we go– until life finally throws us a bone.

I have a bad habit of never even looking out the peep hole when someone knocks. It’s the midwest in me. You may have read about my peeping tom that climbed the molding on my building to look in my bedroom window. Additionally, I messed around with my neighbor (not a current one.) I also wrote about the guy who’s dog was named after a cookie…

DEBBIE! NO!!! OMG DO YOU NOT WATCH TELEVISION. I can’t even get past your first sentence. People are going to abduct you and do horrible, murderous things. I am sending you paranoia juju. Just to keep you safe.

I do remember your peeping tom, which is awful and creepy and those people’s behavior often escalates :-/ You need to check the peephole!!!!

Really? Is it a midwest thing? I don’t even have peep holes in my doors. There was a good stretch of time that my back door lock didn’t even work. jiggle the handle and you’re in. I have had it replaced, but there is a big window in that door as well so if someone really wants to come in…..just sayin, locks will only slow someone down if they’re determined.

Aussa, some days I REALLY worry about you girl. Statically speaking, one would think that Psycho Ex happening would then reduce your likelihood of encountering additional psychos, potential psychos, borderline psychos, and/or wannabe psychos. Yet that doesn’t seem to be the case. It might be time to change your perfume. Or your shampoo. Conditioner. Body wash. Laundry detergent. Deoderant. Motor oil. Gasoline octane. Foot powder. Or whatever the hell it is that these nutjobs apparently keep getting a wiff of! Yeesh!

Well then it sounds like it is time to take the Boyfran perfume shopping. He needs to pick out two different ones: “warm & fuzzy” / “yup, this is my gal” and “OhMyGodDoMeNow”. The latter he must of course be told is only for birthdays and special occasions. He must never under any circumstances ever be told that “special occasions” are date nights where it will be MANY hours before you return home. 😉

I have never had dating bullets fired at me. (My wife and I started dating in High School!) However in true AUSSOME style I do have a sex offender as a neighbor(child molestation). I have figured out over 20 ways I can kill him despite my semi-disabled state!(I have even shown my kids several ways to deal with certain situations)

I’m glad you’ve talked to your kids about it, seriously. I saw a video on facebook the other day of a little girl KICKING ASS in an elevator when some dude tried to assault her. I had tears in my eyes, I was so happy. The guy ends up trying to run away and she just keeps wailing on him.

I’d be curious what such a search would pull up in my area… though I live in this sort of rich hippy district where I’m sure no one actually gets prosecuted for their evil deeds. Plus there is a school across the street, so hopefully they keep the creepers out. Though I’m creepy and no one ever screened me before I moved in…

I know. I think my jaw dropped. I saw that as the most alarming thing he’d told me. How do you do that to a dog you’ve raised and spent constant time with for so many months? It’s a symptom of something sinister.

Ha, thanks Mike! It’s true. I think I’ve just discovered 5 minutes ago in another comment that it’s entirely owed to my perfume. So now I’m faced with a moral dilemma of whether I want to stop wearing it and potentially lose access to so many good stories…

Wow! You’ve led an interesting life and had encounters I can’t imagine. I have a friend you should meet…she’s the same way. LOL! Anyhow, I’m glad you listened to your instincts and the red flags. Smart!

Ha! Oh lord, that video. What a ridiculous afternoon that was. I should blog about the owner of that studio. Righteous, judgmental bitch, she was. One of the worst humans I’ve come across in a while, afraid to say. And not just because she forgets where she hides her keys… that would actually be endearing if she weren’t evil.

Smh, I learned the hard way that dating your neighbors is NOT a good idea. Like you discovered with Josh, they always know when you’re home! Plus, when you’re ready to move on…it can be tricky to say the least. I dated a neighbor who was 6’2, charming, friendly and was just all kinds of chocolatey handsomeness. Things were great until I discovered that the “co-worker” he introduced me to, and that we hung out with, was actually his wife. Yep. That happened. You’re not the only one that knows her way around Google and missed her P.I. calling Aussa! There’s more to the story (psych meds, jail time, you know, apparently, the usual) but if I told you wouldn’t believe it! Well, maybe YOU would.

You are kidding! Oh my lord, no… I would TOTALLY believe it! Sounds like you and I have lived some of the same sorts of experiences and have a lot of overlap, holy shit! Definitely makes for good stories though. I can’t believe he introduced her as his coworker!!!

Yeah, apparently they were separated. He had his own place and everything, but still… He lied like a dog. I googled him a discovered his marriage license. When I confronted him, he went ballistic. As though I had done him wrong! We definitely have a few things in common Aussa, including the fact that I’ve previously worked at a mental health clinic for homeless individuals. Patients running around butt naked and co-workers threatening police officers were not uncommon occurences. And that was on a good day, lol.

I had a neighbor like that. He had moved to the apartment complex as soon as he got his housing voucher or whatever the Army gave guys to live off base. This was like ten years ago. I had totally blocked him. He’s the reason I learned how to break into my own 2nd floor apartment. It was walk by his open door – he always left it open and sat on the couch across so he could see who was milling about outside (presumably from a deep-seeded paranoia that everyone wanted to kill him, which may not have actually been paranoia, now that I think about it)–or learn to climb the tree, slid through the rip (I put) in the screen to the patio, and go in through the sliding door to my bedroom. Somehow it felt safer to park in the back, unlit parking lot and climb a tree intoxicated (it was college, I was intoxicated every day) than risk getting kidnapped and raped 20 feet from my front door. I’m an excellent tree climber.

Woah Melanie. That’s nuts. But reminds me of a neighbor I’d blocked out as well. They were eventually evicted but I remember some not so great sounds 🙁 I was young and stupid and didn’t know what to do. Ugh, such a regret.

I can’t believe you had to climb a tree to get into your own home (I too was drunk for a large portion of my college career). *sigh*

I only climbed the tree for about a month. I was an idiot. I should have stood up for myself. If I knew then what I know now I wouldn’t have been climbing a tree–he would have been missing his low-hanging fruits. Soon after though he was shipped out. This was 2002. I never saw or heard from him again.

Aussa, I am not the hot cup of ginger hotness that you are, so I do not personally have one of these stories. BUT. My husband does. With a neighbor dude who wanted to be his friend SO. BAD.

The guy was an alcoholic ex-convict who lived one floor below us. He had permanent booze breath and an ankle bracelet. He would sway up the stairs at all hours and bang on our door, wanting to know if my husband could go drinking with him. Did I mention that I was heavily pregnant when this was going on? My husband is a quintessential European, and was very polite and nice, but he refused EVERY. TIME. The guy never took the hint. One time he even brought my husband CHOCOLATES.

Eventually the late night visits came to a halt… because dude was back in jail again.

Woah woah woah. He tried to woo your husband with chocolates? This sounds like a very serious bromance he was angling for. So glad that your husband was able to resist such temptations long enough for the guy to get busted for some other crime. How weird.

You were better with this guy Aussa, you really were. You did not laugh or snort or react in any way to draw dangerous behavior after his absurd “and the worst part …”

Way to keep him out of your life back then. Your creep-o-meter went off fast and was 100 percent accurate.

When I was going to U of Maryland my roommates answered a knock on our apartment door to find two policemen. We all three had to answer questions about some fellow college student who lived two floors above in our residential Maryland complex five miles from campus. It seems he’d murdered his girlfriend the night before. We’d ridden up and down on the elevator with both of them so many times! Now that was creepy, all right. The memory of what befell that woman still makes quiver.

Fortunately it happened at a time of my life when the whirlwind nature simply wouldn’t allow something like that to send any of us into any sort of prolonged funk or tizzy. Too much to do, simply, to with classes, student newspaper, social life, part-time jobs, social life … I hadn’t even thought of it in decades until reading your post. I folded it up and put it into the Holy Crap folder of my brain, I guess.

Oooh – that’s a creepy almost aligning of planets! And yes, you dodged a bullet! Aside from the creepy neighbour once previously described to you – I once joined a sorority (for about 3 months – that was enough) and the vice-president basically tried to pimp me out to her friend. I told her clearly that I wasn’t interested. That apparently didn’t cut it. Because he started calling. Repeatedly. As in multiple times a day for about a week escalating to one day where number of calls entered the teens. I still lived at home, so my mom wasn’t amused. I finally called him back and explained my lack of interest in no uncertain terms. Turns out he was the only one out to lunch. My “sister” had been less than sisterly and while I was telling her I wasn’t interested, she was spinning tales for him to go for it. One of a couple reasons my official greek life only lasted about 3 months.

Ugh, yuck. The Man Child used to call me dozens of times in a row. That has to be the hugest red flag ever– such persistent entitlement to the point it becomes beligerent. I don’t call ANYONE that much. I hate using the phone. I don’t even call The Boyfran (unless I need him to come remove a dead animal) or my Boss (unless I need him to know someone’s trying to kill someone).

Agreed and AMEN! When I was single I use to use a “three strikes and you’re out” rule for phoning. If onus was on me to call I’d try three times – over a few days – and then give up. Anyone who doesn’t call back after that, is either not interested or not available (for any number of reasons).

I had a creepy neighbour when I got my first apartment. He would call ALL the time and want to hang out (which I never did). He was at least 10 years my senior and definitely shady. I did not choose my housing well that time. Took me a while to realized the benefit of being unlisted (although I do miss getting pranked by bearded husband’s students calling because they have a crush on him).

You were pranked by your husbands students?! *gasp* that sounds so scandalous and wrong. I remember having a prank on a professor… because he was so intellectual and a good storyteller. But I googled him and found out he was married and alas… it never occurred to me that what I should have done was prank his wife. How ridiculous!

I don’t know why the worstest part of this story for me was that he took his dog to the pound because of a girlfriend he had known for about twelve minutes! Part of that is because I love animals and sort of relate to them better than to people, and I can’t imagine taking one of my dogs to the pound for any reason. But also, to me it is sort of symbolic of his attachment problems… he can profess his undying love for someone one minute, and be willing to kill them or let them die the next, because he found someone more interesting. Scary.

That was the worst part for me too!!!! Blew my mind! I say that’s the biggest indication of emotional instability. And yep, you absolutely nailed it with your insight. The ability to flip that switch is absolutely frightening.

He took his puppy to the pound over the allergies of an 18 year old girl he’d known for three weeks? As Russell Hoban said (in his novel “Ridley Walker”) Arga warga! It means eaten by dogs.
You have a neighbor who rolls in your garbage can? I’ve had neighbor dogs that rolled in my garbage, but never human neighbors. That I know of.

I know! He barely knew her and not only moved her in, but got rid of the only thing he supposedly cared for. I think his caring-for-things organ must be broken.

And oh gosh, your comment is hilarious. Rolled-in like rolls it back up my driveway away from the curb and stows it away where it belongs. Just because sometimes I come home on Thursday evenings and my arms are full and I’m like “oh, I’ll put the bin away later” and then the same thing happens on Friday and then… magically someone has done it for me. I am the worst.

Just the one creepy neighbour? We live literally across the road from a halfway house – after 25 years there have been a lot. Although, if I’m being honest, some of them may have been staff, not patients.

Yessssssss I’m glad your experiences mirror mine! There was a comment just earlier from a guy who works security at a homeless shelter who said the administration was way more frightening than the tenants. It is so often that way.

Jasmine! :O He couldn’t have taken her to a no-kill shelter?? This makes me sad. On the other hand, this story reminds me of something that happened to me when I was a wee little 16 year old. I was walking home when I ran into my friend, who was walking with a boy I didn’t know. I stopped to talk to them and ended up walking with them until I got to my house. Said boy I didn’t know proceeded to knock on my door 9 times in the next three days, despite the fact that I told him I was busy every time. The last I answered the door, he just said: “I know you’re busy” and left. And that was my 3 day stalker.

Hahahahaha well I’m judgmental and tend to think that all attractive people are missing some core element of their humanity because life has always been kinder to them. But that’s super shitty of me and I have lots of pretty friends and should probably delete the comment. (but it is a snap judgment I make).

“…constant swirl of absurdity that surrounded your life.” Sheesh Aussa, you do understatement well, don’tcha? You know what would be hilarious? If the Boyfran had a blog that ran parralell to yours consisting entirely of his inner monologue as he reads yet another part of your crazy story…he’s a good man.

Ha! OMG. What if… madness. He is definitely a good man 🙂 So many of these stories, he’s heard– but every so often one slips by him and he’ll text me and be like “WHAAAT?!” This happened the other day when I told him about how I bought a camaro while I was on pain meds because I’d watched Transformers. I suppose it keeps things interesting 😉

See what I mean? “…keeps things interesting” the understatement of the century!

And you what would be even better than him blogging? A Vlog that captured him reading your blog, complete with all the gasps and eyebrows shooting off the top of his head and everything…freakin’ hilarious!

Oh that WOULD be funny! Oh my gosh I spent half an hour watching videos on my iPhone that I’d forgotten we took a few weeks ago when we got wine drunk and tried to talk in Aussie/Kiwi/Scottis/Brittish accents. It’s horrifying and hilarious and half of them are him saying “You’re not gonna put this on the internet.”

“So now one of them is dead and the other one is gone forever.” Wouldn’t it be interesting if he meant it was the DOG that was the one that was “gone forever?” I haven’t had any clingy, creepizoid neighbors – but now that I’m doing this online dating thing, I’m finding SO many men who seem incredibly desperate (“looking for my first LAST kiss” or “I only want someone who is serious about being THE ONE.”) It’s a DATING site – lighten up, fellas! The only thing worse is the ones that say things like, “Yes, I’m jealous – but that is only because I feel so deeply with my affections.” Ppfffftttt!

You’re doing online dating?!?! Wow, that’s awesome! I’m so excited for you! And oh yes… dating profiles are full of all sorts of winning statements like that. But that’s how I found The Boyfran!!!!!! I send you so much good juju, you don’t even know it. Are you blogging about all of this?

Not yet — I’ve only worked up enough nerve to post a profile and trade a few emails. I’m still feeling weird about dating someone else after being married for so long. And I definitely don’t want to date someone who is so damn serious! I just want to have some good times with some cute men…and now I realize that made me sound kind of slutty 😉

Wow Aussa. You really need to find a way to have the polarization on the crazy creep magnet reversed. Hopefully Boyfran is the plus to that minus. Anyway, I am always amazed by your stories of weirder than fiction truth. Be safe my friend.

OMG! Aussa! You attract the psychos huh?? I’m glad you knew to stay away from him while still being nice….. there is no telling what that guy would have done had he “fell in love” with you! Glad you have Boyfran now! 😀
I have never had a crazy stalker neighbor or boyfriend. I guess I am lucky. But I was so paranoid about the guys I went out with that if I got even a whiff of a bad vibe I steered clear. (sexual abuse as a child makes you a little cautious) If I were to (God forbid) find myself to be single again at this age, I would probably stay single for the rest of my life!! LMAO! 😉

Right? I’m so glad he decided to tell me about his dodgy and evasive custody nightmare. Sounded WAY too much like things the patients say– and then you read their chart and realize they tried to flood the house so they could drown the demons out of their kids.

You’re so funny about staying single– though I’ve said the same thing to The Boyfran! I’m like YOU’RE IT and if you go away or fall off a cliff, I’m becoming a nun. It’s all very romantic over here.

My best friend has been married 2 times…has grown children and got out of a horrible abusive relationship about a year ago. She now has the best guy in the world and doesn’t know what to do with him!! LOL! But he should be THE ONE and if he goes away I think she WILL become a nun and she isn’t even Catholic!!! ha ha ha ha ha ha! *smh*

I never answer my door, or invite anyone here, just don’t like people in my room. Worked in a Y. H . A Hostel once, we had wanted posters of losers conning a nights sleep and one, very creepy guy wanted for questioning for a murder. He indeed passed through months before. I moved on to work in a fruit orchard, woke up one morning with this scum standing over my bed, looking down at me, almost crapped the bed, he was at the orchard next door and was looking for pickers. I know that he knew that I recognised him. Don’t know if he ever got caught, but was probably guilty..We both live charmed, yet precarious lives, out the old pink puppy collar type..thanks Aussa.

Oh wow, that’s impressive that they put up posters of people who pulled cons. I remember some handwritten signs in hostels overseas, warning about various antics, but photos would certainly have been appreciated! It seems nowadays we could just set up a hashtag on twitter and snap photos of people who do such things.

Waking up with him standing over your bed= terrifying. And the reason I keep a knife, pepperspray, and a retractable steel baton in the bed with me while I travel. Ha…

That guy did seem quite sketchy, especially with all that knocking. I’m glad you dodged this one, Aussa. I heard a news report about cyberstalking and how it is a huge part of domestic abuse. It sounds so completely easy to do now with apps you can download on your phone. Anyway, I thought about you, and your safety.

I know. So creepy, and awful. I’ve had experiences all across the board, but one of them did include someone who wouldn’t leave me alone via email, fb, all of that. It’s pretty ridiculous how someone can access you against your will, so easily. I figure if anyone is cyber stalking me then they probably go to the trouble to read all the comments and will see this : I HAVE A GUN I WILL SHOOT YOU.

Dude. DUDE. That is a whirlwind of crazy right there. Glad you made it out alive, but I have a sneaking suspicion that there’s a part 2 to this tale…

Speaking of crazy neighbors, BOY DO I HAVE ONE. Intense bat shit crazy junk going on two doors down. Let’s just say it involves vodka, divorce from his high-ranking Washington official husband, some conspiracy with the CDC and a famous singer, and his illegal, live-in boyfriend of 6 months named Carlos. He was convinced I was a lawyer that could help him after repeated attempts to correct his delusional notions. You just can’t make that stuff up. Now I tip-toe into my place as quietly as possible every night to avoid detection.

Maybe I should just relay it all to you and you can take the story as your own. I have 10 pieces of paper with all these names and numbers on them for proof – this is so legit. I’m just sayin’…

Ha! If crazy attracts crazy then I must be the most bat-shite of all 😉 That sounds like a wild living situation you’ve got going on right there!!!! You’re basically living in a TV show, it sounds like.

You seem to attract some wonderful weirdos 🙂 have you seen a film ‘It’s a disaster’? There’s a woman there who dates a guy for a while. One night she goes into his bathroom and opens the cabinet and there are jars of his hair and nail clippings. Not sure why, but your post made me think of that story.

It’s amazing how strange people are and sometimes you don’t always see it right away! I have had some crazy neighbors especially living in apartments and town homes. Like the guy who liked to knock on my townhouse door and complain about my tv being too loud! I used to have to put the closed captioning on to read what people were saying on tv!

That is so awkward. People in apartments are always awkward. It’s sort of a given that you’re going to be able to hear other people! There’s definitely a line though… like when someone has their bass thwump-thwump-thwumping at 2AM. Kill!

ahh yes as if those of us that have ever served in the armed forces needed anyone else to make all of us look bad. I just have to wonder, being a veteran myself, why the student loans? If he was going to the VA that means he already had more going for him than some others. Why did he not use the GI bill? Or perhaps vocational rehabilitation (for those considered 30% or more disabled that are unable to maintain current career)? None of which are questions you would have thought about at the time. Just a note for everyone else to do their research on those of us that might be more questionable veterans. Lots of stolen valor dimwits out there, and sadly lots of people that fall for their “stories”. Sorry, I will now commence to climbing off my little soapbox. Thanks for sharing your great stories and writings with all of us!

You know– I may have gotten that wrong. It may have been the army paying for it. I just know that he had no job and was living off of some external funding related to his schooling. And yeah he’s not helping with the image :-/ We’ve had some fake veterans around the hospital from time to time and it really is quite shitty that people would try to exploit the experiences and sacrifices of others.

No worries on your soapbox! I know many lovely people who have come back from military tours without being like this guy. My brother is one of them.

Nothing says “Abuse Me” like being a caring, single, young woman living alone in an apartment. Especially if the apartment building is next to a porno theater. The Pussycat Theater where, yes, they played “Debbie Does Dallas.” A few times, my building manager tried to hit up on me. First, he pretended to need to borrow something like sugar (seriously). Another time, he turned up drunk in the laundry room and proceeded to tell me how much fun Chinese New Year. I was always polite but evasive because I wasn’t the least interested in him. Not a bad-looking guy, just not my type. Finally, he showed up at my door, blocking it and insisting that we really should just get together. I went all cold. He didn’t push it. I know I was lucky but I also had that naivete of believing that “no means no” and it must have convinced him (that and he would have lost his job had he done anything to me). Another time, some businessman propositioned me in my own apartment. I remember it like it was yesterday: it was a Friday, a beautiful evening and I had just gotten home from work. I was in high spirits. A older man in the parking lot approached me. He had thinning blond hair, one of those soft but older faces that suggested he spent a lot of time indoors, and was wearing a crisp white shirt and dress pants. He said he was lost, needed to find the freeway. This was way back before cell phones or GPS. He had an appointment and figured he would be late. He asked to use my phone. I was in high spirits (did I already say that?). I believed firmly in humanity. Of course I said he could use my phone. He followed me to my apartment. Now I lived in a studio apartment meaning that my bed was my primary furniture. And my phone was red. For some reason, I decided to leave my door open while he made his call. And I ignored him, not wanting to eavesdrop, but also looking forward to his leaving once my “good deed” had been completed. He started to complain that he was stuck for the weekend. I didn’t care but said that was too bad.

Then he asked if he could stay with me. I went blank for a second and actually had to stifle a laugh. I mean, the guy was old enough to be my father. There was nothing about him that made me want to spend even another second with him. Then he said he would pay me. Yes, he would pay me to stay with me. Now it gets a little murky in my memory but I believe I said “No” rather more strongly and told him to leave. He acquiesced but the bastard had the nerve to ask me again which direction the freeway was in. Instead of telling him what he could do with the freeway, I again gave him directions. He sneered as he walked out my door, as if he had had the last word. Then I spent the weekend calling friends and asking how I had brought this on myself. I was just trying to be nice. What’s it the way I was dressed? Black cap-sleeved T-shirt. Skinny black and purple striped jeans (I said this was a long time ago). Did I look like a prostitute? Was this guy looking for one all along and I just happened to be in the wrong place at the right time?

He ruined my weekend. For a long time after, I replayed our interaction, but with different endings. I could never imagine having allowed him to stay with me though. The mere thought of him touching me made me want to retch. No, the different endings usually involved me beating his face to a pulp.

Sorry I’ve gone on so long, Aussa. Like many of my favorite bloggers, your stories provoke/inspire memories and stories. When stuff like that happens (meeting one creep when you’re trying to escape another), no explanation is satisfying. You don’t want it to be “you,” that you are just a magnet for crazy guys. But you also don’t want crazy guys to be so prevalent that you bump into them around every corner.

Oooo never apologize for sharing stories on here! It’s all quite terrible and fascinating and I hate that you even had to question your behavior or the way you were dressing. WHAT A FECKING WEIRDO. I can’t believe he really thought that he could just convince you to let him stay over! He must have been incredibly unbalanced… I wonder if he targeted you or if it was just an opportune moment. I’m so glad he did actually leave and get out of your house. UGH. I hope that if he ever did anything else like that, it ended very very badly for him.

And you are very right about that ambivalent feeling of not wanting it to be you but also hoping they’re not just everywhere. Hmmmm

You should have gone to get the puppy. That is just so sad. I am an island where I live. The immediate neighbors conveniently cannot speak English when something goes wrong, that usually involves something missing from my yard, or how all the sunflowers we planted mysteriously broke. I had a big rock that I found in a quartz quarry mine when I was a little girl. It was a family vacation and I was so very excited. It had all kinds of crystals growing on top. It went missing from my doorstep. really? about 2 or 3 months later my daughter was at the neighbors house on the other side of these wonderful people when one of the kids went by the fence and called out “isn’t that Julie’s rock?” yep it sure was. With all the crystals chipped off. I don’t know what kept me from chucking it thru their picture window.

Of course someone did Aussa. What kind of heartless bastard could look a puppy in the face and kill it?? Those are the kind that this planet doesn’t have room for!

Yeah, at least last year they let the sunflowers bloom before they chopped their heads off! This year they just took em out at the knees. I go back and forth with my rock. It was a rock. That had beautiful crystals growing on top, that survived many many years, that holds a cherished childhood memory, that my sucky neighbors took and ruined. Maybe I should call immigration…

Haha! You may be right. I really enjoy my work and the population we serve though– like… the boyfran is always a bit thrown off when I randomly start talking to charming drifters or panhandlers, but it’s the normal-seeming-crazy-ones that we really have to watch out for I think.

Gosh, you really do meet all kinds of guys, huh. My life is so boring in comparison when it comes to male attention…haha, ok, I don’t have any wierdo neighbour story but when someone knocks on the door, I creep up to check who’s outside, stay silent and stay there watching until they go away…I even spy on my neighbours through the hole sometimes…I guess I’m the weirdo neighbour instead,,,Haha…:)

Ha, okaaaayyyy I have totally spied on my neighbors through the peephole when I hear them doing something weird out there. Actually! I just remembered there was another person living upstairs in that same apartment and he was like an invisible person. You would forget he lived there, he was so rarely seen. I definitely spied on him any chance I got. Wow… I am also the creepy neighbor, it seems.

I actually don’t answer the door unless it’s someone I know lol! But I make up for that discretion by frequently falling for guys who turn out to be either aloof or cruel. :\

And… Omg that’s just so scary how mr. Too-Friendly neighbour turned out to be dangerous! Especially when you were already distraught about psycho exe’s stunt! I’m glad that he’s no longer a part of your life nor that girl’s! Also, poor puppy 🙁

I think that’s smart, Sara! There are way too many dodgy people looking for an opportunity, unfortunately. My two brothers who are cops tell me to NEVER open the door. They say it’s remarkable how many people are assaulted, robbed, abducted that way. In broad daylight. Kind of frightening. Though you’re right– sometimes it’s the people we DO know and let in voluntarily that turn out the worst. Argh.

Good Lord, I have to scroll down like 37 yards to get to this comment box after reading your posts! lol. Your stories really make me glad that I’m not a woman, but I worry about my own daughter. Please tell me that your life is an anomaly of sorts. No one person deserves that much crazy in their life. Lol. It does make for good blogging though. Is this one of those if you’ve never had a creepy neighbor, then you’re probably the creepy neighbor riddles??

I wish there were a way to put it at the top! I feel like that used to be possible, hmm.

And yeah– you’re definitely the creepy neighbor if you don’t have one. Though I’ve had lots of creepy neighbors AND I’ve been the creepy neighbor, so maybe I’m absorbing this phenom on your behalf as well.

I could never top any of your creepy dudes. But I did date this one guy Freshman year, he was kind of a bad boy and really hot. That’s why it took me a while to catch on that he was dating me because apparently I looked JUST LIKE his dead sister. When I realized this I was super creeped out but also I felt really bad for him because he was obviously in so much pain over losing her. I broke up with him but he would show up everywhere, at every party, at my dorm with roses. He did this for months. It started freaking me out. And the more I thought about it, the more it freaked me out. I mean, what was he thinking when we… you know… ?????

Whaaaat!!! Oh my gosh. This reminds me of a movie. What movie…. Halle Berry? The Call? Is that what it’s called? Have you seen it? Oh my gosh, Gretchen I’m so glad you didn’t end up locked in someone’s creepy farm cellar.

!!!! You took me way back! I’d forgotten about this song! I had to look up the lyrics. In 10th grade I played “Tony” in a random ass film class where we made a music video for this song. Oh good times, good times. Must locate that VHS tape…

Every time I read one of your dating posts I need to go sit in the corner a hug a teddy bear for awhile. For fuck’s sake stop going outdoors already! Oh wait – there’s the boyfran so it’s all good now right? I’ve seen the pictures you post of him and he looks like a nice young man (yes, I sound like your grammy)

Ha! We got tipsy the other night and I started telling him about how everyone on the internet thinks he looks like a proper young gentlemen with good manners. In hindsight, that was probably a mildly creepy conversation, should anyone have overheard it.

So glad you dodged that bullet! Many of our stories are so similar, it’s downright scary (including a stalking, psycho ex…only I was married to him!). That’s a whole different story… But, I also had a crazy, stalker neighbor.

My last 2 years of college I lived in an off-campus apartment with a good friend. In the last year, a guy moved into the studio apartment directly in front of us. So, he could walk down the hallway 3 feet to our door. Unbeknownst to me at the time, he was stalking me the entire year. Fast forward: Over the summer, I moved upstairs in the same building into a one bedroom by myself to finish out one semester extra in student teaching. This guy was showing up at all hours of the day and night, telling me he was in love with me, leaving letters, calling me constantly. Not only was he always showing up at my door, at my car, etc, but I caught him out on the fire escape (which stopped at my kitchen window…you could literally step inside the window). I have no idea how many times this happened before I caught him, but that night I called a police friend of mine when I heard a noise out there who came over to investigate. He was actually the one who found the guy out there…I was too scared! He set him straight about leaving me alone from them on, but I was terrified all the time and installed extra dead bolts on my bedroom door just to sleep at night. I was scared to go to my driveway alone or go to campus. Not only is it creepy and terrifying when you are stalked, it makes you feel very violated.

Holy shit, that is terrifying. Sorry it took me so long to get to this comment, I took a long weekend. I am beyond glad that you had a cop friend who was able to get him to back off. These stories so often end badly. I have a similar though much less in-your-face story from my time in college as well… It’s really pretty messed up that these sorts of things have to be dealt with at a time where we’re first learning to live out on our owns. Though maybe that’s appropriate… it’s like the universe is saying HEY WATCH OUT, THE WORLD IS FULL OF WEIRDOS.

So, I will give you the short version of this story. When I had my car accident, I was semi dating this guy. Let’s call him Mark, and semi dating meant that we went on our first date the evening before my accident. First date. He was so cute but completely awkward, but I thought it was adorable. Remember, the night of my accident was our first date. We didn’t even kiss goodnight.

I drove away from that…ran to do something else, and then boom…accident.

Aside from the few times I came back to consciousness, I didn’t actually wake up until the next morning in my hospital room. Guess who was sitting there looking all forlorn and worried? Yep, Mark. I was heavily medicated with a fabulous morphine pump that had a trigger I could push each time I felt pain. I spent the next week in acid trip ;like dreams. When I was released, my parents took me to my childhood home. I needed continued care, since I couldn’t walk or really move and also because I had a severe head injury, so it was kind of impossible for me to live on my own for a while. I got home, popped some heavy pain meds, and went to sleep.

When I woke up, it was dark outside. I sensed that I wasn’t alone. When my eyes finally adjusted to the darkness, I saw Mark sitting in a child sized rocking chair waiting for me to wake up. I asked him to leave and told him that I’d call him when I was ready for company. Then I told my dad to go ahead and enforce that “no boys in your room” rule from that point forward.

So this story of yours left me wondering if Josh might be Mark….hmmmm.

Mandi I am so late getting to this comment because I read it while I was on my phone and can’t trust it to reply but OMG. This is like that movie…. “While You Were Sleeping.” Thank goodness you didn’t lose your memory and wake up to find the guy had engaged himself to you and cozied up to your family but then fallen in love with some random family member. I’m getting off topic.

Also: Have you seen OITNB season 2? This reminds me of one of those story lines…

I can twist anything into a hopeful message. And I get what you’re saying. I still don’t think they are all shit. I know some lovely people. Therefore, there are other lovely people out there that I don’t know.

Sort of reminds me of a guy I dated in my early 20’s. He claimed to be an Army Ranger who had lost custody of his son. His grand plan was to get back into the military and get killed in action, to punish the mother of his child and make sure that the kid was set for life with some sort of military life insurance.

Not only did I date this man, but I actually fell head over heels for him, and chased him when he left 20-something me for a 40 year old woman.