My husband to 4: Wow, you’ve been a really good boy today. I haven’t had to yell at you at all! Why is that?

4: Because if you yell, you’d get a headache.

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4: There are rules to climb a slippery mountain. 1. Be brave (in case you slip down or hit your head), 2. Be smart (to think of good ideas), 3. Be strong (to dig holes).

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4: Who are bad guys that can be in this world?

Me: Who?

4: Frankenstein!! Oh wait, he’s not bad, just scary. Um . . . Bowser. Vampires. The mean car in Lightning McQueen 2 . . . he’s yellow and about this high (holds hand down at his knees) and fights Doc Hudson. I think his name is Canyon Shooter.

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Watching The Voice . . . Blake Shelton was doing a performance with his team:

4: Oh! He has helpers.

Me: Yes, exactly. Singing helpers.

4: Like Captain Hook’s helpers . . . Sharky, Bones and Smee!

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Watching the Thanksgiving Day parade, and seeing the Kermit the Frog float:

4: Ugh, not the Puppets! They are so annoying!!

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4: Frosty might be a girl or boy. Might be a girl because of the flower in her hat. And girls like flowers.

Talking about the Au Pair and 4:

7: She kept telling him consecutively: get dressed, get dressed, get dressed.

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Talking about his brother:

7: He was crying and I couldn’t tell what he said because I don’t speak cry language.

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At Pizza Hut:

7: Those children over there are not sitting appropriately. That one even has his tongue out!

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7: I smell (sniff sniff) wine. I know what that smells like.

Me: Why, because mommy drinks it all the time? (That’s why he was smelling it at that moment, actually).

7: Nope. Because I like that smell.

Uh-oh.

BONUS!! Convo with the Hubs:

Hubs talking about my age . . .

H: You’re like a 40-year-old woman on a 2 year runway.

Me: . . . . . . .

H: That’s right, I said it.

I guess I should say that he’s my former husband. I will be sure to keep everyone posted on the viewing and funeral schedule.

OMG, those are the best conversation snippets. Hopefully 4 doesn’t run around the playground asking if anyone wants to play with his Mr. Pecker. Oh my. And wine DOES smell good…really good…like I need to find wine perfume good.

I almost let him taste my wine last night. I DIDN’T PEOPLE, CALM DOWN. But I was thinking about it. Hell, my dad used to give me beer when I was half his age. Not that I’m basing my parenting on my own parents’ dreadful parenting skills, but I turned out JUST FINE. Now, where did I set me drink again . . . 😉

So this is a friend of a friend, but her 3 year old didn’t want to get dressed. This is what he yelled back at her:
“Me no want pants. Me no want big boy underwear. Me only want BUNS!”
My husband keeps repeating versions of that back to me now.
“Me no want wings. Me no want pizza. Me only want sandwiches!”