Feeling Safe – A Teacher’s Responsibility

In my experience, for a child to learn and develop in confidence and self-awareness it’s important they feel safe, both emotionally and physically. However, in the classroom a whole host of things are going on – not just the child’s relationship with the lesson in hand.

Children are very aware as they are feeling everything, all of the time. They can feel what is going on outside the window in nature while they are colouring in or doing their maths. They can feel the rest of the school and what is going on in other rooms. They can feel how the teacher and the other children are feeling and what is going on at home for them and so on, all whilst getting on with something, and yet this is not recognised or honoured by the system.

Instead the education system reduces the child to a prescribed way of doing things in a very linear way. They have to face the front, sit in a certain way, do things in a certain order, not talk, not look out the window – not be themselves in other words – which squashes their spherical awareness by not allowing them to acknowledge or articulate what they are feeling or how they are responding to what they are feeling.

When we do not give children permission to express what they are feeling, they learn to dismiss the truth of what they know, second-guessing what is asked of them and ‘playing it safe.’

Over time this false configuration of expression becomes deeply embedded in the body, feeling so familiar it eventually becomes ‘normal’ and what is perceived to be true, but the true knowingness remains unexpressed and lies dormant and buried. It is not totally forgotten however, which creates a constant underlying tension, which of course plays out slightly differently for each of us.

These insecurities have the same root cause though because the current model of education suggests that who the children are isn’t enough and that getting things wrong is bad, and therefore they have to try harder, be better etc. In learning that it is only by what they do and achieve that gets recognition, a stress is created by over absorbing ‘knowledge’ and regurgitating it. This generally causes a lifelong, un-admitted issue with making things look good at the expense of how one is really feeling.

It is clear that underneath the façade of doing things ‘right’, children do not feel wholly safe to be themselves, learning instead to hold back their natural expression for fear of not being accepted for who they are. It is interesting to note that as the child becomes an adult this becomes normalised, and so the whole cycle is repeated as they send their children off to school and encourage them to value their self-worth through what they achieve, not because of who they innately are. As a consequence, and in my experience, children very quickly learn to self-bash when they don’t understand something or find something tricky, as underneath they are looking for recognition through being a ‘success’. Nowhere is it in their lexicon to even possibly articulate their value beyond what they perceive themselves to be good at.

As a teacher therefore, my main aim, on which I base all my lessons, is to build relationships with my students. This comes from my relationship with myself first before I connect to my pupils as they can very much feel where I am at (as nothing can be truly hidden from them – their not expressing it doesn’t mean it isn’t a known!), and so a genuineness, openness and honesty needs to be there from the start. I have found that the children I teach really appreciate this and if I am feeling fragile then it is perfectly ok for this to be communicated, as in this communication my students are treated as the equals they are. Often asking them for support when I need it confirms this too.

Not only is all of this in itself incredibly powerful, but also to accept my students for where they are at is also deeply registered by them and supports them to feel safe. Ultimately what I am teaching is not beyond their scope, even if they appear to be struggling. I know that this struggle comes from the self-imposed blocks and inner tension they have created by falsely believing they are not good enough and so I hold them in a quality that communicates the truth.

Ultimately, trust in the teacher is the cornerstone of true learning for a pupil because their bodies need to feel safe to be open to learning. For example, observing year 2 children playing with Lego recently I could feel that they didn’t mind their designs falling apart because they weren’t under any pressure to get anything right – they were relaxed, having fun, simply learning as they were playing – and the great thing was they were working out what worked and what didn’t with ease.

As teachers, through developing trust we can support our kids to feel at ease, to ‘have a go’ without fear of getting things wrong because they feel valued as a person first and foremost, not judged according to outcomes or results.

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I am a mother of two amazing children and a part-time teacher of English. My idea of a good time is meeting new people, building relationships and in supporting others to know just how unique and amazing they are.

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277 Comments

Nico van Haastrecht says:September 14, 2017 at 12:05 pm

What you write Michelle is so relatable to what I see in our society but also have experienced in my own life. Indeed you can say that at school I am squashed into a system and to be able to do that I had to let go my naturalness which is in ease with everything in life and with the Universe and from that point on life became a struggle and something in which I had to achieve instead of just to be.

I remember at primary school the granite floor had little twinkly bits in it and when I left the class to go to the toilet and had a moment with just me I was completely content, the floor to me was a reflection of the Universe and the stars and it felt like I was walking with them. I remember this moment so clearly and then I would walk back into the classroom and felt I had to conform with what was being presented to me there by the teacher (who was very sweet) but still could feel the reductionism of who we were and I never felt able to express this … what I felt. So it is completely awesome to have teachers like Michelle who live and have this awareness in order to support the children to just be and be ALL that they are .. stars and Universe included … very very cool.

I love what you share Michelle. On the note of Lego going up and coming down – that would seem like the most natural thing in the world to a child, they can even delight in the spontaneous tumbling. What is interesting is when do they get introduced to the idea that ‘something went wrong, a mistake or a disappointment’ when the object no longer stays together?

It’s interesting isn’t it that in playing with Lego there is an expectation that things won’t come together immediately, that building something is a process of things holding together and of things falling apart and because this is a known the kids did not put themselves under any pressure – they simply had fun in the given acceptance of what Lego is about. Why not apply this same principle to education and lessons as a whole? Sometimes things hold together and sometimes they don’t – we don’t need to punish ourselves when they don’t hold together it’s just a part of the process and quite often it’s at those times where we actually learn more!

I love the lego analogy to education and we could extend it further to life also.. there is much to learn from living life, letting go of the pictures of what things need to look like is a part of that.

Very true Susan. I was just listening this morning to Jean Gamble on Unimed Living speaking about the link between depression and unmet expectations. When I listened to it I couldn’t but think of this blog and the correlation between expectations set in life, in the education system, the cycles we repeat and the ill statistics of our time eg depression, mental and physical health and increase of anxiety.

The mental health statistics are currently through the roof in the UK, especially with our youth. In a recent article in the Guardian newspaper, they quote a 68% rise in hospital admissions because of self-harm among girls under 17 in past decade. Whilst the government is only paying lip service to this at the moment they are not making this link between the education system and how this is making our kids feel.

Vicky Geary says:September 25, 2017 at 8:11 pm

So very true Michelle. The learning in all situations can be so very powerful, even when it gets uncomfortable and things are de-constructed.

The bane of perfectionism is frequently instigated by parents and then further embedded by the way our eduction system operates; perfectionism postulates that we must never ever make a mistake and it contributes to our mental health issues and their steady rise.

I agree Gabriele – and who was it that made the rules that for instance it was better to ‘colour within the lines’ rather than colour all over a picture? We have so called standards, rules etc in our education and in life – which often don’t make sense, particularly to a child. And then when we don’t reach those ‘standards’ e.g. of perfection we feel less, or worse still we suffer e.g. with mental health issues. I know of one suicide recently by a young person because of the pressure of getting certain exam results. That really is an alarm bell that something isn’t working in the way the education system is operating.

The perfection coupled with expectation brings not room to build relationships and the trust factor disappears as one is part of a production line rather than a full and loving being that they truly are.

To be celebrated for who we are and not what we achieve should be the cornerstone of education as it the pathway to true success – the ability to live who we truly are in a world that is not yet set up to support this.

I agree Liane – the current education system is the beginning of being measured for what we do and achieve, rather than the truth of who we are. The achievements are then the measure of success or failure in life.

The first paragraph made me laugh when I thought back to how unsafe I felt in my early days at school being taught by nuns. One of my earliest memories was a surprise whack from behind by a ruler wielding nun, which not only hurt but gave me a hell of a fright and I had no idea what I had done.

Thank goodness that you have been able to see this as the abuse that it is and thus have healed the scar of this hurt. There are many out there who are carrying unhealed hurts from similar or even worse acts of abuse – and the problem for them (and thus the true evil of this behaviour) is that they haven’t seen it for what it is and are thus still carrying it in their bodies. Horrendous and so, so common.

This is true Otto, my mother told me stories of her days at school, and one story that stood out to be particularly cruel actions by a teacher was, opening up the desk top and dropping it onto her fingers because she got something wrong. As you have stated these things stay with us, and she was 80 and still remembered the day as if it were yesterday.

This sounds very familiar. At that point fear pretty much stayed with me throughout my education and was something that to this day brings back memories of how when children do not feel safe are they truly learning?

This is very beautiful to read Michelle. I get this sense that when we acknowledge that we are feeling everything all of the time, learning maths or languages etc. gets so much more put into perspective. It is like we know we are super intelligent because we know everything that is going on so learning the things we have to know in life then become more simple in the sense it is not the be all and end all, and when we don’t get it straight away we don’t have to feel like a failure. I know this is not reality yet and not how our education system approaches learning but it is certainly the way forward to create an environment for healthy learning like you described.

‘Trust in the teacher is the cornerstone of true learning for a pupil because their bodies need to feel safe to be open to learning.’ Michelle, I agree whole heartedly with you. This is my experience in the classroom too. I feel my first and foremost priority is to build relationships, confirm the gorgeousness of each child… genuinely so, that is truly heartfelt. From this I know that children relax, feel safe to be themselves and then open up to learning… progress is defiantly made as the blocks come down.

“trust in the teacher is the cornerstone of true learning” Watching children learn by playing with Lego and finding out for themselves how to build something that holds together they can enjoy the learning process without any feeling of judgement or the imposition of someone else’s opinion of the ‘right’ way to do it.

A joy to read this Michelle, I have become more honest with the people I work with, be they children or adults, just yesterday two kids asked if I was tired, my auto pilot was to go no I am fine, but in truth I was tired and so then I said yes I am tired, they could feel it and by expressing it and it then being brushed off with an ‘I’m fine’ answer did not confirm them in what they felt to be true. This happens all the time with children and what they feel. Time to be honest and humble and open.

How often do we as adults, whether intentional or not, lie to our kids on such matters, which they can feel and which leads them down the path of either doubting themselves or just not trusting adults in what they say.

It is true Kevin – children see parents moving and doing things in one way and then are acutely aware of the discrepancy in their words as they speak (do as I say , not as I do). Small wonder that they grow up being dishonest with their own expression.

We forget how much children can feel, just as we used to but have ignored. It is easy to dismiss a child as having no opinions of consequence and yet the honesty of a child can move mountains, if we but choose to listen. And then we can listen to ourselves too.

Learning to trust ourselves is key to building confidence and re-establishing our relationship with learning. If we’re constantly afraid of getting it wrong, because we fear punishment from ourselves or others, then we don’t grow – we don’t give ourselves the space to have a go and get it wrong, and learn from our mistakes. Life is all about having a go – and appreciating when things work and building from there, and learning when things don’t work. Whether things work or they don’t, the point is to appreciate and to keep building, to move forward.

I see this a lot in school Bryony. Very few if any students are comfortable with making a mistake, so they will only have a go, or put their hands up if they are certain. During practical work, I notice the boys are happy to get things wrong and keep trying until it works. Girls on the other hand display less of this quality and don’t get stuck in if presented with something unfamiliar.

How differently would children come out of school, if all their teachers taught in this way – i.e. based their lessons on building the relationships with the children. Of course the curriculum is important, but like anything, when we make it all about the surface ‘doing’ at the expense of the ‘being’ and our relationships, we’re missing that deep connection to ourselves and one another that we all crave.

There are all sorts of different education systems out there but none of them that I have seen make it about connection first. In my experience this is what we are all calling out for, as kids and as adults and is what we want to learn most. If we were taught the simple ins and outs of how energy works I can’t help but feel that life would be much easier to read. As it is the way we operate is like we’re filling cans on a conveyor belt in a factory. We all end up getting cramped and squashed when instead we could be connecting, having fun and building on what we all share just like the leggo blocks here. Thank you Michelle for what you’ve shared.

Superb article Michelle and extremely poignant in a time when we are pushing children into proving their worth at a ridiculously young age. When we base our worth only on the quality of our achievements, we cut our selves off from the vast awareness we naturally have. What a treasure it is when a teacher supports a child to discover how life works with an ease and openness that builds their awareness, nourishes their inner trust and knowing and brings a spaciousness to their education that empowers them to evolve.

Michelle, this is a brilliant article, what you are sharing here feels so restrictive for children; ‘They have to face the front, sit in a certain way, do things in a certain order, not talk, not look out the window – not be themselves in other words’, i can feel how this control would squash children’s natural form of expression and natural movements and instead seems to want children to be like robots and all the same, this doesn’t feel natural or supportive for them or their learning.

“When we do not give children permission to express what they are feeling, they learn to dismiss the truth of what they know, second-guessing what is asked of them and ‘playing it safe.’” I so agree here, it happened to me and is something that we as parents have the responsibility to foster and grow at home no matter what has been going on at school and at the same time how amazing would it be for kids to be raised in all aspects of their life to be confirmed in what they feel?

Being in an environment to explore and experiment without the fear of judgment is so conducive to learning, which provides the opportunity to build trust in themselves and others and that is what you are describing so beautifully here, Michelle.

Teachers hold a great responsibility in a child’s life, next to the parents, a teacher can influence how a child will grow up. This is why the education system is so important, but at present it puts more precedence on the school doing well through exam results than it does on the child’s well being. I feel this is why we see so many children cutting, being distracted using porn, and easily influenced by their peers because children are not met for who they are. We now have an education system where everyone is going to University whether it is true for them or not and so there is an enormous pressure to achieve ‘success’. What you offer your pupils Michelle is an important part of a child’s life and gives them an understanding that life is about connection and not results

We all know in any setting in our lives when someone genuinely cares for us or not. I can remember being more interested in what I was learning when I had a teacher that saw me for who I was and not just what I did.

“When we do not give children permission to express what they are feeling, they learn to dismiss the truth of what they know, second-guessing what is asked of them and ‘playing it safe.’ This is gold. We need to break the cycle. Great post Michelle – thankyou.

The education system needs a complete rethink, a complete rebuilding from the foundations up to put the student first and foremost and to put results at the bottom of the priority list. The current system is dehumanising of both the students and the teachers.

Creating a safe space for children to be open to learning whatever is needed is so crucial rather than getting caught up in getting a certain level of results. Children feel whether they are being seen for the amazing being that they are or as a unit of achievement. What you are exposing here Michelle is how these negative patterns get embedded at school and then continue on as they become adults and repeat the pattern of judging themselves on their achievements. It begs the question what is it that we want our children to experience in the learning environment and how do we need to re-imprint ‘education’ to give children the space to explore this?

Children are very aware of what is happening around them on a level that is greater than the five senses alone and our education systems should nurture this awareness and give it equal value as other necessary skills for life.

I have recently been somewhere for the first time where I may spend a lot of time in the future and it was like being on the first day back at school. I became aware just how much I felt and was aware of on that first day.

Rather than our feelings being familiar our cycles and habits to override what we feel becomes more familiar the more we dismiss what we feel. Thing is, it’s a totally learned habit and one that is very unnatural to us which we then have to let go of and re-learn how to accept what we feel once more.

It’s a bit bonkers, isn’t it? We normalise what is so unnatural to us becoming so invested in squashing our true feelings that we can’t even see it. What is interesting though is that although we don’t see it we always know it – it just depends on how honest we want to be as so how soon we can admit it!.

I remember from school how certain teachers were living out a role or keeping up a personality that they had created to define them and that is what we experienced as children. This meant there was no real connection and no real learning. There was a build up of those traits in us, whether we conformed to them or rebelled against them. We absorbed more about behaviour from teachers than the subject they were trying to impart. There were a few teachers who were able to bring more of their true selves forward and it is in those subjects that I held my interest and I did well in in school.

Thank you Michelle, you give a great insight into a child’s life. It is very important to give our children the space to unfold and explore for and to feel at ease with themselves as this will support them to get to know themselves and this is something very valuable to live in this world.

Indeed Ester, it is a blessing for life if we as of young are not squashed into a system where we have to reduce our senses to what is allowed and instead have to adapt to an imposed way of being that leaves us with a feeling of unease in our body for the rest of our life.

I take my hat off to teachers I really do. Amazing blog spot on with everything you are saying and this was just soooo awesome to read ‘As a teacher therefore, my main aim, on which I base all my lessons, is to build relationships with my students. This comes from my relationship with myself first before I connect to my pupils as they can very much feel where I am at.’ Absolute gold and I absolutely agree what if everyone lived from this place .. making it about the relationship and connection we have with ourselves first and then the relationship and connection we have with others. It is so possible and should be the priority with everything we do.

Michelle – I would love to put the clock back 60 + years and enjoy having you as my teacher. I can relate to every word you write here about expression being squashed. Feeling safe at school was not something I ever experienced and although it has taken many years to begin to express the truth of what I am feeling, this has been made possible by attending the presentations by Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine.
“When we do not give children permission to express what they are feeling, they learn to dismiss the truth of what they know, second-guessing what is asked of them and ‘playing it safe”.

What you bring here Michelle can change the future of education forever. I have been working for years on re-imprinting what you so accurately describe as the false configuration of expression that becomes so deeply embedded in the body, and feels so familiar it eventually becomes the normal. We know it is not true but it is what we have become so used to, so that we can lose our true voices of expression. Education should never be shutting us down in this way, it should be consistently nurturing our expression.

Children learn much more from not being afraid to make mistakes and from trusting what they feel. I find putting pressure on children to be perfect is not realistic but instead to nurture our children to trust themselves is one of the most supportive things we can do for them.

Being recognized and valued for what we do really gets in a way of us building true confidence and self-worth. We would be so afraid of making mistakes and getting things wrong – which actually is a fundamental part of learning. And I see many adults still carrying the scars from that.

The entire education system is based on perfectionism and getting things right. It allows no space or room for failure and when you do the consequences can be as bad as having to repeat a subject! Whilst this in itself may be needed for the learning to occur the stigma and unnecessary pressure is never justified.

I agree Joshua – how come we have limited and reduced learning and education to something so small, when we are all naturally curious, and we can learn so much from the natural world around us – we don’t even need to be in a classroom.

It is so true that the children pick up on everything. I was travelling home on the bus with some older school children and they described their teacher to the T, and very naturally gave a reading of what they had picked up with their teachers.

Quickly we learn to punish ourselves for our mistakes and imperfections. Very rare is it to say ‘oops! I made a mistake’ and be open to learning and returning to life to go again. Thank you for the reminder that we can say oops! Starting with ourselves shows others it is possible.

All the teachers that were the best or stood out to me in my school life are those that really made time to be genuine and caring, and meet me as a person – who brought real love and passion for their subject to the classroom.

We were recently given the opportunity to teach in an environment of our own choosing, in a school where the norm has been to follow a prescribed path to the letter. It was extraordinarily empowering and enriching process for everyone.

The connection between teachers and students leaves a lasting imprint in a student’s life, either for good, or not so good. To have a teacher that understands this brings a whole world of opportunity for development in the time they spend together.

Michelle, you are bringing a deeper level of relationships to teaching. How gorgeous. The gift you are giving to these students is so huge – and gives them a marker of what it feels like to be seen for who they are not how clever they are.

Well said Michelle – a great blog that could be published in teaching journals/blogsites for all teachers – and us all to read. Someone I know said that they knew of a family where one of the children committed suicide the day before some exam results were due – partly due to the pressure of needing to get certain exam results. Surely given these kind of incidences that sadly happen more than we care to realise, we must see that the current education system is flawed? How is it that young people feel so pressurised to get certain results that they would go so far as to take their own lives for it?

Thanks Jane for bringing this up. Suicide rates are increasing among our teens and academic pressure plays a huge part in this. A system that is devoid of love, honesty and truth is literally killing our kids and yet the system is developed by people – it is not a manifestation that comes out of thin air. We need to step up the responsibility of this and be open to what it is that we are creating. The truth is our educations system has imposed upon and damaged every single person that has walked through its walls, most of us for life, which then has its own compounding ripples out into the family and society. Are we prepared to actually feel the enormity of what this means?

I love the lego example. We only get upset about something ‘not working’ when we feel we have failed in one way or another. And why would we feel we have failed? Because of the constant impositions coming at us from society. Amazing to have a teacher like you giving those kids a solid foundation to hold onto and take out to the world with.

It is almost a crime that as children we are forced to squash the truth we know to conform to the education system and over time this false configuration of expression become so deeply embedded that it becomes our norm. How gorgeous that there are teachers like yourself who can hold children in a quality that communicates to them that it is safe to live the truth they know so they can reconnect and choose it once again.

It’s true that when there is a pressure on us to achieve an outcome our ability to be okay with making mistakes, experimenting, trying different things can often be reduced. Unfortunately, our school systems are moving more and more into having to justify outcomes and produce results and in this the focus becomes on the results and outcomes and not on the process of learning.

I was fortunate enough that I did not go to school much as a child and avoided this system as we were sailing around the world. A lot of what I learnt was from the people we met and the relationships we had.
What I have noticed as an adult who loves to study and learn, is how so many adults have got so many barriers, or things that get in the way when they come to study and it all stems from their childhood experience of learning at school. Learning can be great, so long as it is fun and we can be ourself in it. If it is there to put us in a box, and we all have to do everything the same way it shuts down who we are and no wonder kids and adults alike rebel against it.

Gosh this is so needed. I was on a teleconference yesterday, and we were brain storming ideas and I could feel the enormous pressure to ‘get it right’, or ‘come up with something good’. It is massive. I love the example of the kids playing lego with such ease, a great reminder and inspiration, thank you.

‘As teachers, through developing trust we can support our kids to feel at ease, to ‘have a go’ without fear of getting things wrong because they feel valued as a person first and foremost, not judged according to outcomes or results.’ I love this line and it made me a bit tearful as I remember how much I needed to get things right or being too scared to get things wrong and this gives me a clearer understanding of why I felt the way I did.

This is a wonderful blog Michelle. How true is your statement that so much harm is done by the over-absorbing and regurgitating of knowledge. I have observed this with students who have had trouble with memory retention and get ill with nausea and vomiting over it. No physical ’cause’ is usually found by medical science but it is very clear that when they have trouble taking in the information they can’t ‘accept’ it and with the anxiousness and sense of indigestion makes them vomit.

Education as we currently do it crushes everyone in it, both children and the teachers and of course parents too. We have a system that feeds a lifestyle that is all about looking good and ticking boxes and that puts the person at the bottom to be dismissed or to be driven to achieve an outcome. It doesn’t work, even for those who appear to ‘thrive’ in it, they become good outcome achievers without the heart of them, and our societies reflect this. When we provide spaces as Michelle notes here for others to know and feel themselves and to have themselves engage with learning taking that into account it changes things and we get a very different experience of life and learning … one that is whole bodied or whole personed if you will. Imagine a world operating in this way.

My son is in grade 2 and is having an enormous difficulty fitting into the school system. He is very critical on himself, as he has struggled to pick up reading and writing with ease. He is so sensitive to everything that is going on, inside and outside the class room, most of the time he reacts to the fast pace of the classroom and he finds the noise very tricky to cope with. Due to his outbursts and reactions to the intense setting, he is suspended from school nearly every week for behavioural issues. I do wish we had a teacher like you, the students and parents alike should feel blessed to have a teacher that cares so deeply and wholly for the children’s health and welling being.

There is really no need to over mark children on right and wrong, I find it hard to understand the way of thinking that considers testing children so rigorously and openly at such young ages is doing anything to develop them, but more to squash and narrow their intelligence. It only seems to be used to rank schools which have become more like businesses. And to look at the outcomes, are we working in systems where the children are developing into responsible and content adults, and are the teachers supported to assist in this development. If the answer is no then I guess the question is why are we so bound to a system that doesn’t really serve. It is only if we question and don’t accept our current model, that the platform to offer children the space to be creative and intelligent will come to exist, currently it does not.

What I myself recently am experiencing more and more is that I can be at ease with myself, that my body is relaxed and with an inner knowing that I am completely okay. This has been different for a great part of my adult life in which there always was a feeling of not knowing and a dependency of others. I can also see now that this has started in school where I was told to be silent, to keep my attention to the teacher and so on, that is so clearly described in this blog. It makes it clear to me of how we lose that natural connection we have with everything and create that feeling of unease we can walk with for great parts of our lives.

It’s pretty crazy how we currently have to live many years of our life, sometimes till we are quite old and infirm, to hear and to learn about our incredible awareness. What if the fact that ‘children feel everything’ as you say Michelle was the centre of our education from day one? How could we then have abusive teachers and truant kids? Well, if we did we’d have the tools to simply ask ‘what’s going on?’ It feels like the reason it’s not like this today is because we as adults have erected barricades, walls and great blocks (like the Lego) so we don’t have to accept what we feel. So of course we won’t advocate children opening up to truth. Because if we do it shines the light directly on us and how we are we going to be as a parent or teacher. And who knows what other feelings we might have about our earlier life. The travesty in all of this is us thinking that numbing ourselves takes the pain and difficulty away.

From what I can see the way we educate children is so off track the track is no longer visible, we need more teachers like you Michele who can truly teach but the system is such, if a true teaching approach is taken the teacher can end up in hot water for not sticking to the so called rules and guidelines.

True – but there is nothing to stop a teacher for taking a moment to really connect with a student. Those small moments speak volumes and a child knows they are being supported. Relationships are really everything. In one school I worked at there was a lot of low-level disruption going on in a room of Y9s – it was constant – every lesson. The policy of the school was zero tolerance – however in focusing in on the relationships I know I made a difference despite it. One girl came in one day visibly upset. Most teachers would have ignored it, but one moment from me to her – simply looking at her and genuinely asking if she was ok meant a lot – she welled up and although she didn’t want to talk about it she knew that I cared. In that moment it meant everything. No, it didn’t stop the subsequent low-level disruption from her in later classes, but it is something that will have stayed with her.

When we extract ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ from the classroom and open up our education to be about exploration and discovery, we build a true relationship with our inner knowing and innate confidence and hence produce very rounded, alert, confident adults. There is so much more wisdom to be expressed in children than this tick box list of educational outcomes that we have enforced upon them can possibly deliver.

Michelle, this really makes sense; ‘observing year 2 children playing with Lego recently I could feel that they didn’t mind their designs falling apart because they weren’t under any pressure to get anything right – they were relaxed, having fun, simply learning as they were playing’, I have observed that in reception class at school there is no pressure on the children, they are nurtured and supported for being themselves and there is no right and wrong, simply their own expression is celebrated and supported and so the children learn and don’t feel stupid or wrong and don’t get upset when things don’t go as they expect, this seems to change in year one when it becomes about right and wrong and trying hard and the anxiety and feeling wrong and comparison seems to creep in.

I certainly have held back in life for fear of making a mistake or getting something wrong to be told off or laughed at. Making my foundation where the focus is on who I am and not what I do brings about a confidence and an acceptance which supports me to ‘have a go’ or express something I wouldn’t normally express but in doing so although I may feel a little uncomfortable I am paving the way to bring about a way of being that not only is true and honouring of who I am but step by step becomes a ‘normal’ way of being.

School is a very restricting environment. It doesn’t feel it fosters creativity and collaboration, however within the confines of the system, there is so much a teacher can do to inspire students and let them know that they are so much more than their grades.

The number of parents that are opting to home school their children is growing here in the UK. This is a big step to take for any parent, but it shows many are not happy with the current education system.

Michelle, our world needs more teachers and parents like you. I am really inspired by how you connect to your children and how you treat them as equals. Our current education system and parenting styles do not reflect this and hence why we have such disharmony in our society, because most of our relationships are not base on equality and love.

I loved reading your blog Michelle which I found super supportive as I have started volunteering at my local school. And now with an awareness of the importance of building a relationship with the children and seeing them as equals I will be taking a page from your book when I am with them in future.

How very wonderful to allow your students to know that you are “feeling fragile”. This is such a life changing gift to them in a world where most adults simply pretend to be ‘okay’ when in fact they are not. And naturally flowing on from you allowing them to feel your fragility will be that the children will feel safe to be able to express how they truly feel. Now this is true education!

It makes sense that children will be able to take in what’s being taught if they feel safe, and carefree. There is nothing worse than going to a place everyday and dreading having to go, and then whilst they are wishing you were at home or somewhere else – it makes for a long day, and this goes for adults also.

Why would children begin to hold back who they truly are? It must be that they feel a force which is ever so real come at them when they are in their naturalness – otherwise why would they shut down what they naturally are if there wasn’t a reflection around them showing that is what’s happening?

‘Nowhere is it in their lexicon to even possibly articulate their value beyond what they perceive themselves to be good at.’

Wow. When you read it like this, what a sad, sad state of affairs this is. Yet we know the fall-out as adults – here we are burnt out, stressed, self-medicating, unhealthy… all as a result of being ‘good’, not being who we are. We really need to start valuing ourselves and our children for our, and their, innate loveliness – urgently.

This is the future of education Michelle, as with so much else in life, we have to bring it back to the quality of relationships we foster as a first step. Without this, nothing else we offer another will sustain anything worth sustaining.

I work with very young children and when we have new children come into the centre, sometimes they can be quite unsettled and upset. What works so well is when you don’t bring any picture, expectations or needs to them, and just hold them and allow them to feel first and foremost that they can be themselves, either upset or not and that is totally fine. When they are held within this accepting space in this way, they settle so much quicker and you can then just interact with them in a way that is engaging them gently but not with any push, and then this supports them to start to participate in their own time.

We need people with your understanding heading the training for all teachers. For many years every time I saw a child in school uniform I would recall how trapped I felt in the confines of the education system I went through and imagining the child I was seeing would be going through the same, I would feel sorry about the predicament they are in.

If only all teachers offered the same level of love, space and reflection to the children in their care, when those children grow up we would see a completely different world.

Yes, there is this notion out there that we need a reward system to be able to learn things but as you shared in the example with the kids playing with lego is that we learn much better and in a much more easy and non-traumatising way when there is not the pressure of competition and or reward.

“As a teacher therefore, my main aim, on which I base all my lessons, is to build relationships with my students.” On reading this line my body melted. I loved the classrooms and teachers where I had a connection with the teacher. Not only did I feel safe and confident with them, I learnt a lot from them, more so than other teachers where connection was lacking.

Very inspirational to read, Michelle. The fact that you as teacher ask the pupils for support , and therefore treating them as equals, is an eye opener. What if management in companies would treat the people in companies as equals in the same way?

“When we do not give children permission to express what they are feeling, they learn to dismiss the truth of what they know, second-guessing what is asked of them and ‘playing it safe.’” I can recognise I did this as a child and then continued into adult life. The more we start to second guess and play it safe the more we loose confidence in ourselves and start to question if things are right or wrong rather than what is true or not.

‘This generally causes a lifelong, un-admitted issue with making things look good at the expense of how one is really feeling.’ So true and the strains that this causes is one of the reasons that we have such an increase in mental health issues. For a while now I have been responding to people asking me ‘How are you?” by being more open and truthful but it is interesting to observe how often I go back into my default pattern of saying ‘I’m fine’. Not wanting to admit when I am struggling.

There is a meme that we are using only 5% or 10% of our brainpower that is available. It is actually less than 5% but that is because we exclusively use only one tool – the mind, when there are other tools available.

Yes exactly, children are under a lot of pressure to perform these days and it is not uncommon for them to experience anxiety at a young age. Encouraging children to be themselves, staying true to their bodies is essential to be able to learn and re-discover and confirm what they already know.

Imagine an education system where we learn facts and figures yes but where we learn inherently that we are not enough until we know all those facts and figures. Shockingly this is what we have and certainly it was my experience of school many years ago. The truth is no matter our age we know so much more that we are educated to believe. When we feel safe to express what we feel, great wisdoms emerge and age is no barrier to this.

The example you give is very inspiring Michelle… how the students were keen to play, to ‘give it a go without fear’ of being wrong, and in that were able to recognise what worked and what didnt ‘with ease.’ This allowing of space to be themselves offers them so much more learning than we could ever plan.

Yes I agree, the learning that happens off record as it were, is the really rich, valuable, life-skills stuff and, in a safe environment, as Michelle has written about, children learn, explore and observe life naturally and intuitively.

It is so important for all of us to…”… feel valued as a person first and foremost, not judged according to outcomes or results.” The devastation of not valuing ourselves ‘first and foremost’ but being someone who produces outcomes or results is exposed in our health statistics.

We remember the teachers who inspired us, who paid attention to us, far more than the ones who simply followed the system – there is so much more to education than learning to read and write and remember

How you are with people is truly inspiring Michelle. How wonderful to bring such understanding and love so people get to realise they’ve put blinkers on themselves that restrict their vision to just what is ahead of them and nothing else, that lineal perspective and nothing else. How wonderful that people feel such trust in them through you that they feel they can take off those blinkers and allow themselves to see and feel what’s all around them again.

“As teachers, through developing trust we can support our kids to feel at ease, to ‘have a go’ without fear of getting things wrong because they feel valued as a person first and foremost, not judged according to outcomes or results” – that’s just beautiful Michelle, and with myself being in recruitment dealing with people’s careers, jobs, lives, i wonder how such an employee/worker would be given the truth and love of what you say.. and then they changed their jobs, received promotion, because whether school teacher, boss, manager, colleague, we are all each other’s teachers and students at the same time.

If only we all simply encouraged each other to be ourselves then our world would be a truly wonderful place to live but we don’t. We try and mould, squeeze, change,adapt, heckle, criticise, steer and influence one another constantly. The pain and strain of this is felt by us all. In time we will all remember that we are exquisite just as we are and we shall learn to stand back and remove our self imposed shackles.

The influence of teachers on the development of children, and the ease they feel at expressing their qualities is massive. It is crazy how little we look after our teachers and put pressure on them and the children with assessments and the marking process. It strikes me as so unnecessary and avoiding of the real care and nurturing that children need through their school years. Everyone remembers the teachers that truly cared, and this should be our foremost aim, to create a caring system for all concerned.

Putting pressure on children to learn, perform and achieve a certain level of results I find can greatly damage their confidence. It also takes the joy out of learning and how will this affect them later on in life?

“This generally causes a lifelong, un-admitted issue with making things look good at the expense of how one is really feeling.” If we do not breathe our own breath, we do not know ourselves and in turn existence and function becomes our everyday normal.

This is super true and that non-breathing-of-our-own-breath starts at school under the forces of pressure, competition, tension, doubt, fear etc…each one pulling the child further and further away from their own breath. I know this because it still happens to me now. Any one of these forces and the many others that life can throw at us, can make me not breath my now breath…and then, as you perfectly say Lucinda, I am in function – a puppet.

I wonder whether teachers all realise the understanding of the trust you speak of Michele? It is possible to get so caught up in new ways of working schemes that appear to re-invent ways of getting pupils to concentrate or work to get results . If basics of giving a child space to grow and trust were always focused on, I feel learning would develop naturally.

It’s possible that the high anxiety teachers feel about their work is because of intense pressure, expectation and work load and that they themselves don’t have space and time? They too feel under pressure to get things right and are not in turn supported to be all they are to trust themselves in their delivery of what is needed. High accountability rules the roost. For me, a simple mathematical equation seems key… SUPPORT THE TEACHERS = TEACHERS WILL SUPPORT THE KIDS

The best teachers I have ever had are those that made me feel safe to ask questions – most of my school life I didn’t feel safe enough to speak up about my struggles with spelling or gramma, so just tried my best but recently I have been helped by a friend who is so at ease and open that I feel no hesitation asking even the seemingly simplest or stupidest question and I have found that actually I can learn very quickly when I am able to ask for help.

Education seems like such a simple thing to do, yet the demand is very firmly there to curtail it, complicate it, and remove the truth, simplicity and space needed to facilitate a human being to understand themselves more.

Thank you writing this article, Michelle. For putting in words what so many of us feel about the education system and how it has missed the way to support, nurture and inspire our children to have an open and always developing relationship with learning.

‘When we do not give children permission to express what they are feeling, they learn to dismiss the truth of what they know, second-guessing what is asked of them and ‘playing it safe.’’ This is so true. What a disservice we are doing, not only to the children, but to ourselves and the rest of humanity

Connection and making a child feel valued, regardless of chosen patterns of behaviour, or difficulty with learning is the bridge to opening a child up to breaking down blocks and feeling stuck. It supports them to have a go and not fear failing as they know they are held and supported no matter what.

What an incredible blessing for your students that they have you as a teacher Michelle. Another friend of mine who also teaches young children shared today that at their students first spelling test she said to them that she would love them the same whatever the result of the test. She had to repeat it 3 times before they got it, then the relief was palpable. So young and yet already defined in their own minds by what they do. It’s teachers like you both who are revolutionising teaching, bringing it back to love first.

It is inspiring to read what you are bringing to education Michelle. We live in a spherical world and it doesn’t make sense that for the most part our schooling is set up ‘linearly’. It is no wonder we would have to contort, as a round cannot be reduced to fit into a square hole.

I have known that connecting to my own body is key for me to have awareness, to be discerning and to feel sure, with no self-doubt. Returning to this place from my head is still a work in progress but as you say Victoria connection to the body is very natural – so the fact that we don’t do this says much about the hurts we are carrying and how stifled by them we are from such a young age.

Its a toxic situation, and imagine if we as children were supported and encouraged to express ourselves rather than a fixed and limited curriculum. We would be inventing jobs based on our expression uniquely brought to the outside world.

The other thing besides the obvious need for connection when dealing with children is an adult must be able to stand in their natural authority as this is the only way to have a child truly align to you.

Michelle what a gorgeously wonderful and supportive Teacher you are, how fortunate those kids are to be in your class.. and also the rest of the Teaching staff too to have your integrity and leadership in the educating profession.

What we accept as normal is not necessarily Truth and it is good to feel into what is true, because we are run by many thoughts developed over centuries and just because a text is ancient, doesn’t mean it is true. We tend to rely on books and advice from ‘experts’ rather than feel into our bodies.

Such a pertinent comment Carmel. We have given our power away so much and have learned to only value knowledge not feeling that our greatest guide, our bodies – ‘the marker of all truth’, is denied and dismissed.

Michelle, this is a great article, this really stands out for me; ‘These insecurities have the same root cause though because the current model of education suggests that who the children are isn’t enough and that getting things wrong is bad, and therefore they have to try harder, be better etc.’ I have observed this with my son and his friends that they compare themselves to each other academically and think they are ‘bad’ or ‘good’ at certain things, they can be hard on themselves even as young children in school.

It is a great moment in life when we learn that making mistakes is a natural part of learning. The belief that we have to be perfect and get it right all the time is very damaging and as Michelle shares here, actually retards the true course of education.

When we make a child feel safe to make mistakes in their learning and to see that they are not bad as a consequence, we empower a child to explore life to the full, and hence make some extraordinary discoveries on the way.

What a very real and clear understanding of our children and all we as children have gone through and the need for trust and understanding and being valued for who we are. Michele you are offering to children a new and true way that will revolutionise education learning and society as a whole for the future generations amazing.

Teachers who teach children with allowing them to blossom and trust are the ones we always remember throughout our whole lives because we were supported to make our choices, and encouraged to grow. You shape the future generation Michelle with your inspiration.

“When we do not give children permission to express what they are feeling, they learn to dismiss the truth of what they know, second-guessing what is asked of them and ‘playing it safe.” It’s so important to confirm children when they express themselves. They can feel when we are uncomfortable, so they will bend in order to save us from feeling uncomfortable. All the more reason to deal with our issues.

Thank you for sharing this Michelle and the reality of how much we cap children. Which is ironic because we provide an education for them to learn, and yet we are stripping them of their own awareness.

It is very beautiful to read of how you honour the children in your care Michelle. I feel sure you will be remembered fondly by many of them, during their life, as being the one that supported them and saw them for who they truly are.

Just reading your opening sentence says it all Michelle
“In my experience, for a child to learn and develop in confidence and self-awareness it’s important they feel safe, both emotionally and physically.”
From my own experience of childhood where I did not feel safe at all, it know this leaves a huge scar emotionally which if not dealt with effects everything we then do in life. And I wonder if the lack of feeling safe and not being able to express what is really going on for them is why so many teenagers are finding it hard to cope with our current way of life and so they resort to alcohol, drugs and even suicide when their life feels so overwhelming for them?

You know how the government or health system is always doing studies and cost reports on the long term effects of things like obesity, exposure to screens, smoking from an early age etc…It would be amazing to do a study off the back of this article; the long term affects of not being met, supported and nurtured at school, being forced into a shape that wasn’t you, having our natural instincts buried, our sparkle dampened, being co-erced into activities, relationships and situations that we didn’t want, learning to over-rule our body and drive it into function…the list goes on, the damage is gigantic, the long term effects are catastrophic, the costs – unquantifiable.

Absolutely Otto – totally agree. If we could see and feel, even for just one moment, the fallout and devastation for us all as individuals and as a society of the choices we have been making to avoid connection and love at all costs then we would be returning back to love pretty quickly as a collective.

It is common to act as if children are unaware and a blank sheet in some way. We tend to assume educating them means we have to get them to memorise a whole load of facts. Also that we have to train them to behave in a prescribed manner which we imagine will make them a success when they grow up.

Yet – many blogs I have read about children explain in no uncertain terms that children tend to have access to a depth of intelligence, awareness and wisdom, which could be inspired by if we let ourselves.

Wow Michelle what you are offering the children you teach is breaking the mould that has been set, through your awareness and the relationship you have built with yourself, and so with them, building trust that they can feel safe to express what they feel is amazing. What a foundation for life you are supporting them with.

“When we do not give children permission to express what they are feeling, they learn to dismiss the truth of what they know, second-guessing what is asked of them and ‘playing it safe.’”

I have been second guessing what I know to be true most of my life and I know how harmful this giving away of our power is. I have deep respect for teachers as I realise what a challenging role this is in a system that is not about truly caring for the children.

Super inspiring Michelle your way of working with them – this has to become the norm.

The way children develop trust is key to their further lives. If children know that they are of value whatever they do, they will also do the things they are supposed to with confidence and in the end get it right with more ease and faster. This kind of trust and confidence can be developed in a way that can be felt in the body permanently, whatever we do by parenting or educating. Unfortunately the present ways of ‘normal’ parenting and education don’t focus on building trust and confidence in this way.

Parenting and education both influences and affects how a child will grow up. There are ideals and beliefs from both the parents and the teachers that can slowly shut a child down from being their natural gorgeous selves and becoming what the parents and the teachers want. We need to nurture children and support them in remaining true to themselves, this would be the best education we could offer our children today

A key skill in life is to be able to fulfil sometimes strange and outrageous or just plain weird requirements while remaining yourself. It is actually a very enjoyable skill to have and a teacher can help immensely as it does take some time to adjust.

I love what you write here Michelle, right down to the detail of the way children are asked to sit, the impact this has on their feelings in their bodies, and the pressure there is to learn information and be able to recite that information. It is all so stupid really, the stock we put in learning in this way, getting things either right of wrong. School could be more expressive and experimental for children, I think we all know that teachers and pupils would enjoy the whole experience more and might actually start to enjoy being at school.

How wonderful Michelle teachers like you, bring so much more to teaching than just ticking the boxes of what the education system expects. You are a true role model of how teaching can and should be by being willing to develop true relationships of equality and love with your students. “As teachers, through developing trust we can support our kids to feel at ease, to ‘have a go’ without fear of getting things wrong because they feel valued as a person first and foremost, not just judged according to outcomes or results.”

When you take a child out into nature and play games that require counting steps or putting stones in a line to make a path and the child is asked to get ten more or take two away – they always know the answer and it comes with such ease. This is testament to the fact that the environment, teaching relationship and natural way children take to learning has always been there. The education system has applied the pressure of measuring up, justifying, providing evidence of the way something is worked out and then labelled the child according to the outcome.

Michelle, I would love to come and be in one of your lessons! This true education through nurturing the being rather than the doing is invaluable, a powerful example for other teachers and a God sent for the children you support.

You talk about true role modelling here Michelle, knowing that all of our movements inspire or model to others about what’s possible in their lives. I can imagine that this is an amazing (and big) responsibility to have as a teacher, but equally so does everyone reflect back to kids in our communities so we all have our part to contribute thus kids can never ever be ‘left for the school to deal with’.

I was at a sound workshop this weekend with the amazing Chris James and it is astounding how all of us have blocks to our expression through our inhibitions and self-doubt. I have been working on this for many years and have known the crippling configuration in my body of simply feeling just not good enough. In order to heal this within myself, I have needed to have been in environments where I felt safe to not just express my hurts but to actually go there and feel them. I have discovered that love is far, far stronger than any hurt I have carried, but I have had to trust, be open and willing to look at the blocks and let go. I also realised this weekend why so many of us struggle to let love in – since it is stronger than any hurt – when we let it in, even if for a nanno second – it breaks down those walls we are carrying and that takes some doing! Feeling safe and honoured is the only way that I got there.

We all could be better supported through life to make mistakes, express freely and allowed to be more of who we are. No more important is it as in our education system and the way we raise our children.

Although the education system will continue to foster a belief in kids that they need to fill themselves up with knowledge and be good and smart to be valued, one teacher can offset this to a huge degree. I agree that feeling safe is essential to learning. If a teacher can be steady, loving and open with themselves, this puts the kids at ease and role models that they don’t need to do anything to be loved.

How important it is for us each to hold another with grace and love without needing them to be anything and all the while confirming who they innately naturally are… for if we dismiss our own inner quality and do not nurture this in another, then there will remain no needed reflection to inspire us each to return to the truth of who we are.

I teach adults and the same is true here too. The first purpose in any course is to build a safe space for learning to take place – a structure that can be understood, an environment that is supportive…but most of all, a teacher that connects with each person, supports connection within the group and continues to do so throughout. This to me is primary and only then, does the student start to really listen.

When I read your blog Michelle I am left wondering whether we are in fact un-educating our children in our current systems rather than educating them for it seems that we are eroding and re-programing them to abandon their natural awareness and feelings which is the very thing that would hold them and support them to navigate through their adult lives.

“…because they feel valued as a person first and foremost, not judged according to outcomes or results.” Such a great point you are making Michelle. And this applies to all of us. We also need to value ourselves for who we are so we do not need to judge ourselves on what we can or can’t do.

When I remember back to my schooling the subjects I learnt the most in was the subjects that I felt safest in, whether it was who else was in the class with me or the teacher taking the lesson.
When we are feeling anxious no real quality of learning can take place.

I agree Samantha, the quality of learning is very different if we are anxious compared to if we are settled; when we’re settled it’s like space opens up and the learning although still focused isn’t something that needs to be forced.

Michelle what you have written is so true as I know from my own experience
“When we do not give children permission to express what they are feeling, they learn to dismiss the truth of what they know, second-guessing what is asked of them and ‘playing it safe.’”
I spent my whole childhood second-guessing my family and it wreaked havoc as I never felt safe or secure, always on tender hooks and so I learnt to live with nervous energy which I topped up by eating loads of sugar; the mixture was lethal for my body.

I found it to be something of a torture going to school and being force fed knowledge in a lineal way – this way of teaching is clearly not working if we look at the state of the world these days. I don’t remember any true love or connection in my childhood. All I can remember is one maths teacher who did not impose and that was the greatest experience of my school days. We really need to support ourselves and our teachers to develop a level of love and awareness in our own lives so we have that to share with our children.

This is great. And it’s an awesome reminder how we can be around kids all of the time, not necessarily just in the classroom. And really important for me not to go into praising the ‘doing,’ but to accept the ‘being’.

It is wonderful to know that there are teachers like you out there Michelle. This is the way that we will ‘change’ the education system – not through confrontation but by ourselves living true relationship. As teachers we are really educators of the Ageless Wisdom first and foremost while being able to simultaneously fulfill the current schooling requirements.

“As teachers, through developing trust we can support our kids to feel at ease, to ‘have a go’ without fear of getting things wrong because they feel valued as a person first and foremost, not judged according to outcomes or results.” We are all teachers in one way or another and to apply this same wisdom in our relationships, others would feel safe in our presence.

I can relate what you share to the work of carers, and specifically elder care. What is most important is not what we do but, how we are and our capacity to hold a space where the client feels ‘safe and valued’

Michelle, what you are sharing here about children not being given permission to express themselves at school feels true, there feels like a control in how we expect children to be rather than encouraging and allowing them to simply be themselves.

What this blog makes me consider, is how amazing it would be if the foundation of all school curriculums was to bring out the unique qualities of each child, and then tailor education to develop these qualities in a purposeful way.

Michelle you have described my experience of infant school
“Instead the education system reduces the child to a prescribed way of doing things in a very linear way. They have to face the front, sit in a certain way, do things in a certain order, not talk, not look out the window ”
It felt as though I was being put into a straight Jacket and so I would run away from school. And looking back of course I was and running away was my only way of resisting the inevitable.

When you look back at history, the truly groundbreaking insights that were brought to humanity often seemed quite crazy at first. Very often they were discarded discounted and the proponents chased out of town. Imagine where we could go as a race if we learnt to embrace what everyone has to share, without resistance, judgement or right and wrong. What you offer us Michelle applies to us all not just the children at school. Let’s see what we can do if we make the first building blocks of all discussion Love.

‘When we do not give children permission to express what they are feeling, they learn to dismiss the truth of what they know, second-guessing what is asked of them and ‘playing it safe.’ – it’s very sad that this is how our children are starting their ‘education’ a journey which could be so very different if we first met each child for all that they already are and the innate wisdom that they already hold. How very different school could be.

‘a genuineness, openness and honesty needs to be there from the start. I have found that the children I teach really appreciate this and if I am feeling fragile then it is perfectly ok for this to be communicated, as in this communication my students are treated as the equals they are. ‘ – this is so beautiful, Michelle, as the children will be feeling that something is different with you anyway, even if they’re not picking up exactly what it is, so by being open, it’s confirming that all that they are feeling is true and in that, it allows them the opportunity to support you energetically. What a blessing you are, not just to all your pupils, but to all children.

Michelle thank you for bringing clarity and understanding to such an important topic. Our current education system is responsible for not only suppressing that natural way of children but also for replacing their natural way with a cattle pen of false and rigid ways of being that once installed often last a lifetime. Fear of getting things ‘wrong’ and seeking recognition through doing are both formidable and dark forces that are reinforced at school, it really is no wonder that school for many is so tortuous.

To be celebrated for who we are before we receive accolades for what we achieve ought to be the foundation of all education, however it also ought to be what we are raised to know by our parents. If we were confirmed in who we are by the time we reach school, the current system of disregard for this would not wash.

It’s been a long time since I was in school, but do they still have a box to keep their things? Coats, school work, lunchboxes and pencil boxes. As they get older they have lockers. There is always this containment happening not only with their possessions but who they are! Are we not also putting them into boxes? They are graded like livestock and teachers are worked like dogs by the standards imposed on them from above to meet! There are classes that have the higher groups and the lower groups and ones that excel in one area. Is it ironic that learning your ABCs is just a factory to get you to Z that is the back door, to the world?

This is so true for everyone ‘When we do not give children permission to express what they are feeling, they learn to dismiss the truth of what they know, second-guessing what is asked of them and ‘playing it safe.’ I know that even if our feelings, readings and expressions are not honoured then we can go into doubt around what we feel.

Absolutely Johanna. This is still something I am working through. Quite often I am still not completely honest in voicing to myself how I am really feeling and do not express. Have I used the ‘excuse’ that I haven’t been honoured by others in the past not to give it a go? Maybe. But I can’t expect others to honour my feelings, readings, and expressions if I am not prepared to voice them and be vulnerable. I am only just beginning to see this knock-on effect and the fallout this generates, but am opening to practicing!

A truly awesome blog Michelle. ” …if I am feeling fragile then it is perfectly OK for this to be communicated, as in this communication my students are treated as the equals they are. Often asking them for support when I need it, confirms this too.” This statement blew me away – its honesty clearly breaks down the forms of hierarchy that sit between teacher and child which are at the core of all that is broken in the education system as it stands.

This week I was observing a court case and witnesses giving evidence. What was so obvious was the pressure on each witness to regurgitate information. No matter how solid the statement was that they had the space to prepare – they were put on the stand and questioned on white papers and statements and reports, all based on their ability to regurgitate them and get it right. Reading this blog reminds me of the lengths we have gone to make knowledge king, but how this is not truly us. When I have information to share, the clearest way I can communicate this is via my relationship with what I know about the information and how I have related to it personally – then it is not a regurgitation but a lived experience being shared.

What I felt as I read what you’ve shared HM is the enormous expectation put on witnesses to ‘get it right’. However, when we share the embodiment of what we know, from our lived experience, there is no right or wrong it is simply the truth.

Yes court is an interesting space and process – that in itself is possibly an understatement!! I often feel a cat and mouse behaviour where the intellect toys and manipulates till it gets what it wants. It really is a process, when on the stand, of being steady and true to yourself and not buying into the energy that is trying to manipulate what you are saying.

How lucky are these kids, that at least one person is reflecting something differently and allows them to not go into this pressure to succeed. I can really feel the box we were all squashed in school and how we got reflected to fit in the box is the best you can do. What you deliver and share here is the total opposite it feels widening and inviting. What a blessing to have you as a teacher.

‘Trust in the teacher is the cornerstone of true learning for a pupil because their bodies need to feel safe to be open to learning’. Hear, hear Michelle, teachers like you are so needed in our schools where many teachers have given up or are facing burnout. What a blessing you are to the children, the education system and other teachers for your deep awareness and ability to bring true learning into the classroom.

Reading this i could feel what I first thought was the hurt of having been through schooling like this but then I realized that even more painful is knowing that I had also been a part of the system which creates it.

Michael this is so honest, and yes when we dare to take a look over the parapet we can see that we have endorsed the system by aligning to it, accepting it or elements of it, championing it or even reacting to it. In the reaction, we do not bring anything different to life but tend to contract/withdraw or try and beat the system somehow. So many of us have made this our normal that we have simply accepted it. In our lack of clarity and expression and in our hurts we have removed ourselves far, far from the love that we innately are.

As teachers under the pressure of the system, we can find it a challenge to take the time to listen and understand what a child is communicating especially when they misbehave. They can easily feel dismissed in these situations and feel under-valued which leaves a scaring of lack of self-worth. It’s so important that as teachers we clock how we speak, what our tone of voice is communicating and how we are with children. This at the very least would change much… if we are able to confirm children in their essence and gorgeousness, as a daily practice new would change much more.

As teachers under the pressure of the system, we can find it a challenge to take the time to listen and understand what a child is communicating especially when they misbehave. They can easily feel dismissed in these situations and feel under-valued which leaves a scaring of lack of self-worth. It’s so important that as teachers we clock how we speak, what our tone of voice is communicating and how we are with children. This at the very least would change much… if we are able to confirm children in their essence and gorgeousness, as a daily practice this would change much more.

“When we do not give children permission to express what they are feeling, they learn to dismiss the truth of what they know, second-guessing what is asked of them and ‘playing it safe.’”

Gosh it starts young doesn’t it? This is where it gets embedded and then we need to unravel it later on in life, to return to the place where we do express and no longer second guess. I love that you are supporting children by creating an environment where they feel safe and free to express who they truly are. That is true evolution.

I think it is crucial that we support our kids and essentially everyone with having a foundation of knowing they are valued for who they are first and foremost and that their worth is not just defined by what they do or can remember.

‘Children are very aware as they are feeling everything, all of the time.’ – this was highlighted to me when my son’s teacher shared that after making paper planes in the classroom, he kept throwing his plane out through the open classroom door, so he had to go outside to retrieve it, rather than keeping it inside, like everyone else. His teacher was puzzled, but recognised that he wasn’t meaning to be naughty. It can be pretty full on in a classroom of 35 young children, I could feel how stepping outside would have been a simple and very appealing way to ease feeling this intensity.

Michelle what an amazing teacher you are and how I would have adored having you as a teacher when I was little. I personally feel that we put children into straight-jackets when they enter the education system and all that lovely spontaneity that they naturally have gets squashed down. I know that teachers have to conform to a set system but to me the system isn’t working I feel we all know it’s not working so instead of trying to fix it with sticking plasters surely it’s time to change the way children are taught. And for us to cherish that they are very connected to themselves and everything around them. And to dismiss this fact is a recipe for disaster as they grow up.

Michelle, I love the simplicity of this; ‘they didn’t mind their designs falling apart because they weren’t under any pressure to get anything right – they were relaxed, having fun, simply learning as they were playing,’ I have observed that it is when children feel pressured to do something ‘right’ that all creativity goes, there is anxiousness and so the task becomes much harder as the natural flow and ease are gone.

With teachers like you Michelle, the education system will change and be more loving and nurturing of children. Like many institutions, it is entrenched on an old consciousness that takes some changing but as we chip at the corners of these ways of working that are not true but have become acceptable, the walls will slowly crack. Change will happen.

“the great thing was they were working out what worked and what didn’t with ease.” This is what education is really about, imagine our world if we had all been allowed to explore this way. This brings a quality of equalness between the children instead of competition, and sense of working together. They also learn many other things from this experience, about acceptance and teamwork, listening and relationship, a great foundation for life.

What a beautiful sharing, Michelle. I once was in touch with an 8 year old boy who suffered from rashes. When he felt how sensitive he was and realized that he feels all the emotional states of teachers and classmates his skin rashes vanished.

Wow, Kerstin – this says so much! Firstly how we/kids feel everything and therefore know everything, and secondly once we are given permission to express what we know and feel this clears the tension out of our bodies, which is incredibly healing. This also opens us up to the responsibility we have in checking in with our quality so that we don’t impose on others.

I read a post by a teacher recently who shared with her students that they were “not defined by their results”. This is such a simple message but so important. We are lost as a society because we have placed value on results above the person, the children consumed by our education system not being valued for their own unique qualities. For many we now don’t even believe that all children have qualities, because it is easier to assign a person as lacking in intelligence, a bit thick and incapable. Further, it is a system that is uncaring and abusive of young people and of the teachers who get swallowed up in the need to assess constantly and reduce our status to pass and fail. And yet in all this there is the spark of great teachers and beautiful children, we should never be dulled by education because it is like a hat that doesn’t fit our heads. There are supposedly great academic minds who drive our progress, but what is our progress really amounting to if we stop and see our societies, our lack of community, our failure to care for everyone. This is not intelligence but it is what we currently accept, a cleverness that belittles but never fosters, which is why it is more important than ever to have teachers sharing their love of all the children they teach and conveying the message that we all count and we all have a lot to offer.

What a beautiful article Michelle, on the precious responsibility that a teacher holds – or I should say beholds for the children they have in their classrooms. As you described how it is in the classrooms for children – being forced to sit still, to look ahead, not to move, not to express and not to be themselves – I got a much sharper sense of the harm that is done, and how important it is for the teacher to hold children in the love that they are – to let them be themselves. This can only be done by a teacher who has nurtured their own love first and knows who they truly are. Such a humble and glorious responsibility and position to hold as we support the next generation to live outside of the tight fitting box society and the current education system places them in.

Love this Michelle, I so relate to all you share. Four years into school I clearly remember my 3rd grade teacher, who “appreciated” thus allowing us to be playful in the class, which was my normal and this affected my grades. So I went from being the disruptive student with a kind of focus mostly “out the window”, to being more attentive.

Proving I had the ability to learn in the right environment because I went from being 45th in the class to the top 10 in 6 months.
No study just the simple fact that the teacher held us all as equals and “appreciated” without any comparison!
Next year I had a different teacher and my marks subsided again to be around 35th in the class.
My question is how do we get to hold the level I found in 3rd grade with one teacher such as yourself so that we hold our-self so it transforms to other teachers and all other endeavours and not just that 1 year?

I have also found that for a person to learn they need to feel at ease and safe. If you feel looked down on, criticised or judged, even if the words aren’t said, you end up focussing on dealing with that rather than learning anything. This is a key to great teachers and great parents alike, who produce the adults we have in society.

Reading this blog brought back lovely memories as a child sitting in the classroom, lots of windows and natural light and being able to feel everything around me. I remember at those times I was very content with life, I didn’t take classrooms that seriously until I grew older and had to go to a new school and the need to prove myself started to take over from those natural feelings..

Love this blog Michelle. This exposes that system we rely on to educate is very similar to that of a prison to the body – ‘They have to face the front, sit in a certain way, do things in a certain order, not talk, not look out the window – not be themselves in other words’

‘In learning that it is only by what they do and achieve that gets recognition, a stress is created by over absorbing ‘knowledge’ and regurgitating it. This generally causes a lifelong, un-admitted issue with making things look good at the expense of how one is really feeling.’ and isn’t this the crux of our isssues that society have. It all stems from our younger imprints of life.

So very true, teenagers have a radar for judgement and often consider their teachers ‘don’t like them’ because they can feel something they can’t put their finger on. I wonder if parents and teachers feel like we have to be perfect because we are the adults and or teachers. Actually we don’t, we need to reflect that it is ok to make mistakes, be real, and build honesty and trust. Then we can ask that same level of respect and decency from the students in our groups.

I think it’s great to ask ourselves what really is our responsibility in our professions – not just as teachers, but as accountants, or builders or whatever and do we have a responsibility to all children at all points in time? To ensure the kids around us feel safe and know it’s ok to express naturally who they are and also in knowing we are always role models, and role models can play a massive part in shaping someone’s life.

Agreed Meg and well said. My son was roller skating the other day and was trying to be helpful with the Marshall, who completely misinterpreted and was aggressive with him. This was really hurtful to my son and had he not been able to share this hurt with me, it would have stayed in his body and he would have notched up another brick in a potential wall of mistrust.

As I read this I know I did not often share such experiences for fear of not being supported I suppose – as a helpful child misunderstood by some adults who didn’t understand me was very frustrating, and that had stayed in my body for a long time. In fact what I got into trouble for like talking and so forth was most often just where I was helping another child who was struggling with school life, and seeing the needs of the whole class not just my own. Thank you for helping me understand this and appreciate myself more.

Feeling safe should be an absolute given for everybody, the fact that it’s not is an appalling indictment of the abusive way that we are continuing to choose to live. We have the ability to arrest it at any time. How long before we choose something else?

Dismissing or overriding the truth of what we know and have felt leads to a disconnection from a form of intelligence and wisdom that is far greater than our ability to recall knowledge or apply our reactions from previous experiences.

I was always extremely sensitive to any pressure, and shut down so many times over spelling tests, learning my tables in maths, and easily do so today really if I am honest, it is so the wrong way to get the best out of people.

I have the honour of working with children in a classroom setting and in my lesson there is space for anything to arise and be discussed, I have had many an occasion where young children have asked the most prophetic of ponderings on life and how we come to be here, why we are the way we are. Given a conducive environment children connect to innate wisdom.

A fresh way to teach and an open way for us all to learn and in particular for children to feel supported to learn. We have a ridged map of what learning looks like and it’s applied as a one size fits all which doesn’t actually fit and pushes pretty much all of us into a box that we’d rather not be in. When a system applies something for people to learn it’s already a miss in that it thinks it’s giving someone something in place of recognising at the first point who they truly are or in some cases now that they are even a person. You watch how we are learning these days and its so so intense and it doesn’t look like it’s turning back soon so it’s hugely important for people to see and do things like this article presents. Allowing others the space to be seen and to see.

I find that when I am the most real and sometimes vulnerable with my child, he is very responsive and shares honestly with me too how he really feels. In this we can look at our situations together and give and share support to each other. When I trust enough to share all of myself warts and all with children, as they can feel it already, they get to see honesty and then they will be able to trust.

You are a star Michelle for what you bring to the classroom and the children you teach. There is a need for teachers to become the cornerstone of a child’s education, rather than the stone that that is placed on them to perform to standards imposed from above.

Beautifully said. I can certainly relate to being one of those children who was constantly “distracted” by being aware of everything going on not just what was in front of me, and was very aware of the other students and how they were all feeling and wanted to interact with them, naturally so.

“Ultimately what I am teaching is not beyond their scope, even if they appear to be struggling. I know that this struggle comes from the self-imposed blocks and inner tension they have created by falsely believing they are not good enough and so I hold them in a quality that communicates the truth.”
How much do our beliefs rule our lives, I for one have begun to discern just what happens to my body when I choose to doubt myself. It is very disempowering. And what is so very significant is that doubt rocks my steadiness and fills my head with lies, whilst my body shrinks and contracts. The holding quality of love is the only true way forward.

I enjoyed reading about the way you teach Michelle and the importance you place on developing a relationship with the children. With the trust they develop in thet relationship with you they feel more comfortable expressing what feels true without the need to get something ‘right’.

Getting it right was the most important thing when I was going through childhood, for to get it wrong was seen as bad, this then labeled you as good or bad all about what you were doing, there was no sense of being accepted for yourself, the world then felt very unsafe to me, not knowing or being accepted for who I truly was.

A beautiful lesson and understanding of the simplicity of learning and no expectations. Valueing our children for who they are allows a trust to build that is very beautiful and deeply felt and is an amazing reflection for us all.