How to Manage Children at Weddings: An Essential Guide

In a child’s mind, weddings seem like loads of fun - a day of partying in a pretty dress, hanging out with your favourite uncle, lots of sweets, treats and general mischief to get up to. In reality, they can often find wedding ceremonies long and dull, and dinner receptions super boring. If you have decided to have children at your wedding, it's not just a matter drawing up a guest list of the little ones you know and love, you also need to think about how you're going the manage and entertain them.

We've spent quite a while deliberating over this one, and have come up with some of the best ways to involve children in the wedding, make them feel special and of course, some ideas on how to keep them amused at the reception, so everyone has the Best. Day. Ever.

One thing to note: It's totally up to you whether or not to invite children to your wedding, and which children you invite! You may want just your own kids, all your nieces and nephews, or perhaps the children of all your guests - there's no right or wrong answer, just try not to feel pressured either way!

Think Through the Flow of your Day

Before you start, you really need to think through how the day is going to flow, and how involved do you want the children to be, and what kind of day do you want it to be for them. There's no point asking children if they, and their parents, will just be an afterthought. Consider their ages and expectations, and their parents' opinions before making a firm decision.

Do you want to have them at the ceremony, the reception or both? It's important to think it all through, and plan the details carefully, so the day is stress-free and fun for everyone (kids, parents and other guests too!).

Dressing the Part for Children at Weddings

If you're including kids in the proceedings as flower girls, junior bridesmaids, page boys or ring bearers make sure that their outfits are comfortable and age-appropriate — they'll look better and be much happier! Make sure they have a cardi or jacket so they're not too hot or cold.

Little girls will be usually be delighted with pretty dresses, though don't assume! Some girls would be way more comfortable in shorts or pants.

Likewise for the little boys, they won't take kindly to things that are uncool. They can be picky about what they will and won't wear. We are predicting a rash of superhero outfits after this little lad made an appearance in our post on page boy outfits.

Important Jobs for the Little Ones At Your Wedding

There are lots of ways, big and small, to include children in your ceremony even if they are not part of the bridal party. Most children love having a special job and will be delighted to be included, just make sure the job is appropriate for their age.

Give older kids readings to do or the job of bringing the gifts to the altar (if having a church ceremony), or symbols of the relationship if you're having a civil or humanist ceremony.

Older more outgoing children might want to sing a special song (but beware of this one, you don't want any Simon Cowell commentary from your uncles about 'performances' afterwards)

Giving wedding programmes to guests before the ceremony is usually the job of the groomsmen or ushers, but smaller children love to be special helpers. Grooms-minimen?

Include your own children or your partner's children in the lighting of the unity candle, or as part of a sand ceremony. These are perfect ways to show children that they are an important part of their parents' lives and to show their importance in their parents' future.

You could also ask the officiant or priest to mention their names during the ceremony to make them feel extra special.

How to Make it Smoothly Through Your Wedding with Kids (without any tears)...

Make sure that any of the kids who will have a part or job on the big day attend the rehearsal and are prepared, so that they aren't panicked when it's go-time on the big day (no one wants to be the kid on the wedding video being prodded and prompted).

It's especially important if they're part of the bridal party, that they have a practice walking down the aisle in front of people until they are comfortable with it. Even the most outgoing children can get suddenly shy when put on the spot.

Safety in numbers: an older sibling or groups of kids can make the walk down the aisle easier for a younger child.

Likewise, readings can also be done in groups if there are some shy children in the bunch - the prayers of the faithful in a catholic ceremony, or "wishes for the couple" in a civil or humanist ceremony are perfect for this.

Don't get flustered if one of the little ones gets stage fright. It's your wedding - not a stage show, and small children can't be expected to perform on cue! So be ready with a plan B if your niece decides she no longer wants to scatter petals down the aisle!

One Tip: Consider having your ushers or groomsmen seat parents of very young children near the end of rows in the church ceremony so they can make a quick and quiet exit if their child starts crying during ceremony.

Rocking the Reception, Kid-Style!

Make sure there are some kid-friendly food options on the menu. Food they like will make them happier (read less cranky and fussy) and is often less expensive!

While often kids are seated at their parent's tables, to be honest, kids can often feel left out when it comes to the reception part of the day (the conversation is boring, and the dinner goes on forever...) so if you can, seat children at their own kid's wedding table of fun.

Provide fun favours for the kids or age appropriate goodie bags filled with sweets, small games, colouring books or printable games like I Spy. Stick with crayons and colouring pencils though, no one wants the kids, or themselves covered in finger paint or markers! We've got lots of ideas for children's wedding favours here.

Make sure teens attending the wedding also have their own table, if there are only one or two, seat them at the table where their parents are sitting. Teens will not be impressed being seated at the children's table!

Don't forget high chairs for the smaller kids. Most venues will have these but if you are having a marquee or outdoor wedding, you may have to hire these or remind parents to bring them along if needed.

You can also give kids special jobs at the wedding reception too, like making sure everyone has signed the guest book, handing out favours or slices of cake.

One Fab Tip: Cover the kids' table with kraft paper, provide 'em with colours and let them draw on the "tablecloth"!

Time Out & Away from the Children

It's not the couples' responsibility to provide childcare for young guests, so don't feel obligated to do so if the budget doesn't allow it. However, if you are inviting children along, and you don't want them to dominate conversation and hog the dancefloor all night (kids are hilarious dancers!), it's a good idea to make some arrangements for, or with the parents in advance. Some may have a grandparent or friend come along to collect young children for the night, but if you're wedding is away from home, you may need to help out.

If you have lots of children in attendance, help the parents and yourself by organising a babysitter or childminders to manage the children either during the reception or later on in the evening

Some venues will have a special room or services for children they can organise, you could always book an entertainer to keep them occupied if it's in your budget or arrange for them to watch a movie

You could provide activity tables with non-messy crafts, board games and toys, or a fancy-dress box. A fun piñata filled full of treats will also provide endless entertainment

Offer to put guests with young children in touch with one another so parents can go in together on the cost of a babysitter.

Set a 'Head to Bed' time - arrange with the parents and/or the babysitter when the children will make their exit and adult time will begin.