It has come to my attention that some of you are baffled by my odd-ball alpha-numeric numbering system. I'm going to take a moment to explain it. Those of you who are familiar with it may skip down. It comes to me from the suburbs of DC and the house known as "Nosotros Casa" where my dear friends Robyn, Maggie & Matt have been cultivating it for years. I think it may have originated in a movie, possibly starring Rodney Dangerfield… but that's really not important. There is an actual mathematic pattern to it, it goes: A, 2, D, 5, G, 8, J, 11, M, 14… which , if you look carefully you will see that we take a letter (we start with A), then skip two letters (resulting in D) and we take a number(Staring with 2), and then skip two numbers (resulting in 5) and we alternate the two all the way down the line. It's inane, I know – but it's also addictive. Start numbering things aloud as "A, 2, and D" you'll see what I mean.

Now moving on to a definitive description of each of the boys:

BoyA: His story starts here. He was a boy I met at the Mercury lounge. He liked kissing me. I liked kissing him. We went out a few times, but basically didn't move past the kissing until here which was probably a mistake. Things pretty much ended here with the fiasco that was my Halloween. He's been out of the picture since then

Boy2: His story also begins here. I met him in the summer of '02 but didn't really notice him… I met him again last summer & seriously noticed him. The highlight of the Boy2 saga was here. The downward spiral began here where you can see me make an ass of myself old-school sitcom style. Then he mostly disappeared (save for some of my occasional rantings) until recently.

BoyD: His story actually began before that of A&2, but I wasn't numbering boys at the time, nor was I talking much about them. Nevertheless, I met him here, and named him here with the rest of them. I don't see that I talked about him much until here, but back in the spring there was much online flirting & we had the curious distinction of constantly missing each other when we went out. He's featured in the A-5 roundup here, but nothing ever developed with him until the kissing, and then again on NYE.

Boy 5: His story starts here: here but it never got very far. We emailed a little & still say hi & chat when we run into each other, but it's not "like" that with him. He gets a few other scattered mentions through out.

BoyG: A recent development. He earns alphanumeric distinction here (see second entry for the day). We like him, but he has a girlfriend. We'd write him off, but he seems to have no qualms about flirting shamelessly with us… we are perplexed.

Boy8: Another recent development. Also was named here. Met him on Super Bowl Sunday. Enjoy kissing him. Curious to see if this actually goes anywhere.

Some Notes About Kissing

a) The moment right before you kiss someone (especially for the first time, but really anytime you're unsure about the kiss) is just like holding your breath. It's like a gasp, a sharp inhalation of nervous anticipation until you feel your lungs could burst.... and then the sweet exhalation of the kiss. It's a release, like it's all going to be alright - you can breath again, because it's there, it's actually happening. Hah. Sometimes I could swear I was still 14 :)

2) I think boys kiss me because they know they can. I'm not sure how I feel about that... especially since they tend to be holding more than their own share of alcohol when they do. It makes me feel like I'm falling back into my "door matt" phase a little bit - and well, that's never a good thing. It's a very tricky thing, the kissing of boys... there is a fine line between the fulfillment of mutual attraction & the exploitation of a generally unrequited one.

D) How am I the girl who brings up other girls whilst in BED with a boy? *shaking head* Considering my sizeable yet incredibly fragile ego, it would seem impossible, but there I was this weekend... stopping a kiss & bringing up another girl. Oddly enough, instead of changing the subject he actually talked about her. And I suppose that what he said was a comfort to me (or at least helped me to believe that he wasn't lying there wishing I were her), but it was still a really fucked up thing for me to do....

And since you know have the skinny on the boys, here are my current musings on where I am with each of them:

* I'm not sure that Boy8 will ever call again despite out having such a good time together, and frankly I have no idea why that would be the case. We didn't do half of what happened the first time around - meaning it's not like he was holding out for something he didn't get right off the bat & now that he's got it he wants to make a clean getaway. We didn't get all mushy or romantic either, so it's not like he might be running from anything scary like that. It's not that he said anything that specifically made me think it either... it was just the impression I got as I was leaving.

* I don't know what it is about BoyD that renders me completely incapable of holding an intelligent conversation with him. Or why on earth I would actually admit to him that I like him with really a minimal amount of prodding. I mean, I'm sure it won't make any difference in how we interact at all... so what was the point of my saying anything?

* I don't know if BoyG is all talk - just an incurable flirt, or if he's teetering on the edge of infidelity. And what IS his deal with the gf, are they really together? And if they are, where is that line and how close are we to crossing it? And do I really want to be in the middle of all that?

* And just a great big WTF as far as Boy 2 is concerned... I mean, I just wasn't prepared for any of it. I don't even know how I feel about him... I spent so much time talking myself out of attaching romantic notions to him, and really where has that left me? Besides, I'm not sure any of it really meant anything at all - but by the same token, I can't say that it really didn't either. I only know that it was, well, comfortable. I know that there are so many pieces that don't fit, and that everything with him since day one has been fraught with uncertainty, but there is some small part of him that just feels like home to me - and even if that's just an illusion, at the moment it's a rather soothing one.

if you could read my mind: contemplative

if music be the food of love, play on...:The Beatles - All You Need is Love (Happy 40th)