The Life Australian: Top 10 Tuesday

After finally seeing The Late Show with David Letterman for the first time two nights ago, I feel compelled to do a copy-cat Top 10 list, and to pair it alliteratively with this particular day of the week: Top 10 Tuesday, replete with the sort of filth that’s worthy of The Life Australian.

Use: A measure of physical distance; part of the metric system, embraced by everyone but the USA: a 4 meter shark, a 1 meter swell, a 0.00001 meter double-grab air to beat Dean Morrison in Round 2, etc…

6. C–t, noun.

Use: Refers to people or things, typically animate things, as in “C–ts were frothing when Julian beat Jimmy,” or “The c–t at Subway served me a sanga.”

Note: Inanimate objects are not normally referred to as c–ts, and this confusion should be avoided; one would not say, “The c–t at subway served me a c–t.”

5. A/O/Y, vowels.

Use: Attached to the end of most nouns that don’t already end that way, especially names: Parko, Durbo, Dingo, Hazza, Occy, Willsy, C–tsy

4. Feed, noun.

Use: Animalian replacement for the word “meal,” it seems to take a lot of the bourgeois attitude out of any reference to eating (very Australian). “I surfed an hour at Snapper and only caught one wave, but the thing was that good, so I said ‘F–k it’ and came in for a feed.”

3. Leggie, noun.

Use: Leash. When I got bounced like a cretin in the Snapper storm surf this morning and lost my board, I wished I had worn a leggie. Leggie is a fun word to say.

2. Pissed, adjective.

Use: In contrast to its use in the states, where “pissed” means angry, Australians say “pissed” as a synonym for drunk. This can be confusing at first, unless your conversation partner is referencing Wardo, who’s apparently an angry drunk – in which case the meanings fuse.

1. Go, verb & Going, participle.

Use: Substituted frequently for the American “do(ing),” as in the following conversation:

Aussie #1: How ya going?

Aussie #2: Not so good, eh. Dingo didn’t go so well in his heat.

Aussie #1: F–k, I know, eh. The c–ts in the judging booth are c–ts, and Jordy, similarly, is a c–t.

Editor’s Note: The use of dirty words connotes a lack of imagination and creativity in one’s speech, and reflects poorly on the individual using said words. However, when in Rome…

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