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My boss hates me

Thinking that you boss hates you is a really tough thing to face whether it's perception or reality. We know from our research data on happiness at work that it's something which can drain your confidence, decrease your resilience, affect your motivation and mean you fail to achieve your potential.

In fact being respected by your boss is one of the key drivers for high happiness and top performance at work. And if you have high respect from your boss, we know a couple of other interesting facts too. High respect from your boss indicates that you'll respect him or her in turn, that they'll respect the team and that there'll be high inter-collegial respect too.

If you think your boss doesn't like you, frankly it's hard to like them in return. But there's something more serious besides. Thinking that your boss dislikes you also indicates that you'll experience much lower levels of trust. And of course there's a high cost for low trust. That high cost is paid through less comfortable communication, worse co-ordination and far less co-operation.

If that's the case for you, you might like to diagnose what's really going on, so try this formula for working out whether you think you have low trust - we call it the ROCC approach for obvious reasons. What you do is score:

The top line of the above equation should be more positive and the better the relationship, the higher the score. All those ROCC elements are negatively affected when things go wrong. The bottom line, self-interest, is always more negative. Everyone has some self-interest in everything they do - we all want something for ourselves out of work. But if the scores for the above equation is anything under 1.5 then you have a trust issue.

Like this.

Recently a client asked us for a proposal over night. We were told no-one else was in the frame for the work; the client who wanted ideas to present to her CEO the following afternoon. My colleague worked hard to produce a quality document that we'd be proud to put in front of a CEO - no easy task in less than 24 hours. Having been told we'd hear a couple of days later, it then became impossible to get hold of the client. Emails and calls were unanswered; we heard different and conflicting stories about what was really happening. Finally we heard that the client was going to run the program in-house. In fact it became clear this had always been her intention. We'd been used to do her dirty work.

In fact if she'd been open and said that she wanted our ideas that would have been fine; it was the lack of clarity and concern for us that was so galling. And will make us think twice before responding again. Sadly incidents like this are more common post recession. It's easy to leg others over when things are tough; what creates credit however, is a leg up instead.

So if you want to make things better and improve relations with your boss here are ten top tips:

1. Think about what you share with your boss, rather than what divides you. Looking for similarities and interests makes discussion and connection easier and focusing on them will create a bridge rather than emphasise a chasm.

2. Tot up the times when things went well. We tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive but this may be coloring your judgement. Actively think about what goes well between you and make a note of it.

3. Reframe: instead of interpreting things negatively, try and perceive or reinterpret events and interactions positively. What's the best possible way you can assess matters between you?

4. Look for more eye contact: it's very hard to look at someone you don't like so what kind of signals are you giving off? Seek more eye contact and see what it does for your relationship.

5. Ask for small things: when we don't like someone we tend not to ask. But you'll never get a big commit from your boss without getting delivery on a few small asks first.

6. Build credits by going out of your way and making sure your boss knows about what you did; stack that credit up by saying something like ‘I know you'd do the same for me if the situation was reversed.' That's the equivalent of putting your personal marker in the ground.

7. Say something nice about your boss to someone likely to repeat it and see how fast it gets back to them: flattery gets you everywhere even when everyone's aware that precisely what it is.

8. Think about how good you'll feel when you get them on your side. Imagine that time and think about what they would like from you that's within your boundaries to give.

9. If you really want to develop good relations with your boss, what's stopping you going all the way? You might think that 50% is enough. But if you really want to make things better, what's stopping you giving your full 100%?

10. If your boss is so unprofessional that they let their personal feelings get in the way of the job, they've probably got a favorite. How can you get that person on your side? You might need to enlist some help with this, but it will be a sure-fire way to your boss's heart.

Finally remember that nothing lasts forever. In five years time you won't be working with these colleagues in this particular team in these particular circumstances. So imagine it's 2015; what exactly do you imagine you'll miss?, I'll bet there are some things you'll remember with pleasure whoever you're working for right now.

All this article does is teach you how to kiss butt, it solves absolutely no problems whatsoever. Sorry, I'm not about to kiss anyone's butt, whether it be my boss or her favorite (and yes, she has one).

My advice is, until there are laws brought into place in regards to workplace bullying etc, (which is also usually present when a boss dislikes a certain employee) there's not much you can do other than look for a new job. Until then, either take this article's poor advice and kiss butt, or bite the bullet until you have a way out.

I show up everday with a positive attitude, not a slacker by any means. I don't take advantage when the higher ups are not around...(like extending my break five/ten minutes because no ones there, unlike my cowokers)And yet, here I sit at 4:17 am dreading the fact that I have to go to that office. I have never given them (him) a reason to dislike me...but they(he) doesn't. My boss doesn't look me in eye, he never speaks to me. When & if I speak to him, his reply is like disgust, so I have learned to just say nothing...my coworkers used to tell me it was my imagination, but after I was taken off my job & sort of demoted they now see that he has a target right on my back. I ask a question about our new computer system...the response I got was "I'll get back to you" and then he forgot...slips out the door... gone,next day refers to me as "inefficient"! He forgets that he took me away from what I know, to now a different system alltogether, and doesn't want to show me how to use it. I am looking for something else...not sure how I'm going to answer the question,"why are you leaving your present job?" I read your article to try and understand this problem; I seem to be way past your tips. Moving on is my only option.

What a stupid article! Your boss will still dislike you, and following the advice of this article will make the boss think you are someone completely lacking in self-respect!
You can't fake, or force good chemistry. Unfortunately, there are two wise choices, get a transfer within the company, or get another job.

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After sometime I began to have issues with my boss at work and he threatened to even sack me , I told my wife and she advised me to resign as it better than my boss sacking me himself, but the thought of looking for a new job which is an herculean task and secondly how would my family survive ? kept on ringing my head, I was afraid and troubled, so I contacted Prophet Bona with bonoluvspeltemple@gmail.com to confirm if he could help me and he said yes that I should not worry , that he can handle the situation and told me that after 48 hours my boss would start singing my praise in that particular office , so believed, and did what he asked to do. The next day at office, my boss was still the same the situation was even worsened, inside me I was asking if the spell was going to work.

The next day he sent for me in his office, my colleagues who were with me starting starring at me I were wondering what is it I have done again, or may be my sack letter awaits me and everybody was quiet and I began to panic. As soon as I got their my boss offered me a sit with a smile and said I mean I am quoting my boss now 'Mr Smith, while I was meditating early this morning, I understood that I had being too harsh on you lately , so Mr smith I want to say I am sorry, hope my apologies are accepted'. Immediately I replied yes sir , who am I not to hold anything against my boss.

ever from that moment we became close and he even told me always discuss my personal problems with him, now we are best of friends even my colleagues are surprise about the sudden change because some of them aside my wife advised me to resign. I will never stop saying thank you to this Man.