Men’s Health – 2011

When Olivia Wilde was just 18 years old, she married Tao Ruspoli, a man 9 years her senior. “You’re going to change as you grow older, and that messes up a lot of relationships,” she says. But 8 years later, the two are still going strong. The key to long-lasting romance, Wilde says, is to accept that nothing stays the same. The best you can do is adjust along the way.

Ease Pressure
“Even in the beginning, we never put pressure on ourselves,” she says. “We were, like, ‘Maybe it’ll last a week.’ And therefore it’s lasted years.” She attributes much of that to a lack of jealousy on both their parts. When you actively look for things that might hurt a relationship, you turn minor issues into larger ones.

Do Your Own Thing
“Tao is great about saying, ‘You go. Have fun. I’m staying home.’ It’s so important to have that independence,” she says. You know it yourself: Everyone needs evenings of their own. If a woman feels anchored to a man’s plans, she may start to resent him for the fun she’s worried she’s missing. Not everything has to be a couples’ event.

Hold Your Tongue
Of course it’s important to speak up if you feel hurt. But know the difference between a real problem and your own insecurity, Wilde says—and sort your feelings out in your mind before rushing to express them. “I think what ruins relationships and causes most fights is insecurity,” Wilde says. “So be secure. It can be hard to force, but you need inner peace if you want peace around you.”