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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Being a female, who is usually found among a group of guys, I took interest in the movie 'Just One of The Guys' upon seeing the title on Netflix.

At first glance, I thought the movie would be somewhat like a story about always being the friend, but never the girlfriend situations, but it wasn't.

The movie focuses on a high school journalist girl, who is determined to win a summer internship at a local newspaper, but when her professor passes up her article in favor of a few others written by males, she is convinced that it was passed up because she is a girl. So in order to win her internship she goes undercover as one of the guys and spends a week at her rival school to re-submit her article. That is until she meets....Rick.

DUM DUM DUM!

Well as you can see, the girl falls in love. Not exactly what I expected, but for an 80's film, it was really damn good.

Of course, I was expecting other things like a kick ass girl, who hangs out with a lot of guys and blows things up.

Sort of like me! Okay, okay so I don't blow things up...anymore, but hell it would have been one hell of a movie to see some scary ass girl's hair on fire.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

I can hardly believe that it has been a year since I was on a plane heading back to France. (Post here.) This year, a return a Croissant-and-Baguetteland isn't going to happen.

Although Dijon and all of my friends, both French and teaching assistant, are far away from me, I know that, deep down, I will go back. I just need to get some things organized on my side of the Atlantic before that happens.

Until then, Happy France is Happy! I think I'll celebrate the good times by buying a camembert. Even a roquefort will do.

Monday, September 26, 2011

I have come to the point in my life, where all my bills are attacking me. They have finally come at me like a stampede of animals trying to break through some barriers.

As stated in past posts, I am only just a student getting by with what I get paid. This is used in paying credit cards, rent, phone bill, groceries, and *cough*Netflix*cough*. I know it doesn't seem like a lot to pay, but then there is the usual car troubles or the usual trips to Miami to visit the family.

So in an attempt to make more money I came up with solutions that does not involve me getting a second job.

1. Sell "Donate" my brain to science

Just like some people sell "donate" their plasma for money, I should sell "donate" my brain to science. I would make millions off my brain! I mean who wouldn't want the brain of a left handed leap year born Latina short girl?! Of course the only down fall with this is that by the time I would give my brain to science, I wouldn't be alive to enjoy the money.

2. Stand on the corner

No, no, no...not selling my body, but rather just stand on the corner with a flashing neon sign saying "Throw money at me" and see if people will just throw money at me. The problem with this is that the prostitutes who own any of the corners of my choice might kill me.

3. Exterminate BIG RATS

By big rats...I don't mean literally a rat, if you get my drift. It would be perfect, I'll pretend to be exterminating pests, but the only pests to exterminate will be the ones with a bounty on their heads. Like that one movie called EXterminators.

4. Sell other people stuff on Ebay

I am not talking about dressing up as santa claus, breaking into houses and taking valuables to sell. I am talking about selling items that once belonged to cheating significant others. Have a cheating significant other? Have evidence? Then let me sell it! What better way to get money than to sell it online and the people who do allow me access to these items will get the satisfaction of revenge. (Just like the woman a few years ago...This is what happens to cheaters and mistresses)

5. Anyone want a guy?

That's right. I have a good amount of guy friends, all very handsome and cheap too. I'll start at 50 dollars. Of course, selling them will leave me kind of lonely and eventually it will start something...

6. Sell squirrels to the black market

Why not?

Eh. maybe I'll look for other ways to make money, where I won't get shot.

-Hula dancing is wicked fun. Plus, it's a good way to work out the abs.

Barb the French Bean

*Yes, I have a boyfriend now, and he's a really cool guy. Like, a really, really Cool Guy. The kind of really, really Cool Guy who opens doors for me, offers me a bouquet of flowers, talks to me one the phone for hours and makes me feel comfortable enough to bring out the now-dormant high school geek that I smothered under a layer of thick make-up once I started college. He shall be referred to as "Cool Guy" on this blog. Capisce?

Update: Since I am still bored, my creativity arose from the dead and decided to manifest itself into a cartoon.

Ladies and Gents, I present to you...The Boredom Monster!!!

This creature rises from the depths of fun and frivolity and feeds off whatever form of entertainment it can find. It sucks amusing jokes, walks in the park and cruising with friends right through its Q*bertlike snout.

Come to think of it, the Boredom Monster may also be a second cousin of the Purple People Eater. But twice-removed. The Purple People Eater was cool enough to have a catchy song written about him; the Boredom Monster would probably object to any fun songs and would just vacuum them right up the snout.

Monday, September 12, 2011

The only thing worse than another late night post is waking up from a nightmare at 2am. Especially, when there is a long day ahead of you.

A few days ago, I found something rather interesting while in the ladies restroom and thought I should share the persuasive and random thoughts of a few ladies from my campus.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" -Eleanor Roosevelt

Whoever wrote this was thinking clearly, but being as it was found in a stall...Tells me that they might have been feeling inferior about pooing in public (at least that's my thought, even though that is probably not the case at all).

In this one, I read that the girl was talking about experiences. Honestly, it feels more like she is seeking advice from the random people that enter the stall.

Boobies and vagina are so much better and enjoyable than sucking a man's penis...

Well since I am straight, I cannot confirm this nor will I ever be able to. To me it sounds right out nasty and just reading this made me feel sick to my stomach.

Faith and logic are not mutually exclusive, rather people just posess posses other, neither, or both of them.

In the stall, I've noticed three things, people have very interesting thoughts, college students cannot spell to save their lives, and some of these girls have way too much time on their hands.

From just reading this, I feel this person might just be agnostic with a scientific outlook on things. Probably majoring in the sciences ( or is an exception).

It's interesting how it is now a tradition to write on this stall. Like I really have the time to write on it. Then again, I did have time to take pictures of the writings...

Eh, I had a huge break. Maybe, eventually I'll go back and leave my mark behind, but for now I should really go back to sleep.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The other day, I had posted a rather amusing Facebook status. As my friends commented on my status, one of them mentioned the asshole phenomenon.

The asshole phenomenon is when a guy (or girl) acts like an asshole and attracts women (or men) that believe they can change the so called asshole (well it's usually like that).

I will admit that this phenomenon does work on people and no matter how much I hate assholes, I have fallen prey to the asshole phenomenon...

(And have also used it).

What is it about the much hated assholes that lure nice, innocent people to them? Could it be their looks? cars? money?

The answer is NO.

It is all about the attitude that the asshole (or bitch) has towards others. Using a few movie trailers, I will demonstrate this so called attitude.

The Jerk Theory

I have not seen this movie at all, but the trailer explains it all.

As demonstrated in this trailer, the guy is a nice guy, but because he kept getting jerked around, he decides to put the "jerk theory" to the test. So he acts distant, treats the girls like crap, and tells them straight out how annoying they can be. His result? These women want him.

Of course there is that one girl, who will not tolerate the jerk because in fact she has dealt with many jerks before. So at some point we all either deal with them or date them.

Just Friends

This was a very good movie to watch. In the movie, the guy (who is chubby and goofy) has a crush on his best friend from high school, but she only sees him as a friend. Mocked by everyone in school, he runs away and about a few years later ends up going back to his hometown for Christmas.

The guy ends up being successful, charming, handsome and a womanizing ass. He charms his way with women and just uses them. Eventually he ends up seeing his old best friend crush and feelings resurface. Sure enough he ends up turning good just for her (because she wouldn't put up with jerks either).

Did being an ass work with other woman? Yes. He succeeded (just not with the main girl).

In both trailers, there is a nice guy who turns into a womanizing asshole over a girl and only changes when he realizes that the main girl will not allow it. What's not shown, however, is the attitude that attracts women to them. The attitude I'm talking about is confidence.

I'm aware that some nice guys have confidence, but those nice guys are the ones that are usually taken by lucky women. The other nice guys lack self confidence or the courage to pursue a girl. However, in the case of an asshole, he cares about himself so much that rejection is not in his vocabulary. He is confident that he can get any woman he wants.

The only problem with this is that the asshole cares so much about himself, that he could care less about the other person.

I should know, I've done it all before. Of course, I would be known as a bitch rather than an asshole, but the same rules seem to apply.

My Bitch Days

To understand the asshole phenomenon, I decided to use my days of being a bitch as an example.

The colder I was and the less I cared the more men wanted my attention.

I would use them and then dispose of them...

I even had a "friend" follow me into the girl's bathroom out of fear of losing me.

I didn't put any effort in my relationships.

I would argue with them for no reason (a way of pushing them away, I guess).

Everything had to be my way, no compromise and I had a set of rules men had to abide by.

I was nice some days and bad all the other days (Kind of like a push-pull method)

During my bitch days, I had men that wanted to change me, to be more open and less cold.

What changed?

As time passed, the person that tried so ardently to change me, and stuck around even when I was the biggest bitch imaginable became my first love.

I had fallen in love (plus I also matured).

It is not always like that, though. Mostly, a lot of the men I seem to know, only turn into assholes when they feel like they were shitted on in life and hurt by their first love. Not that many will have this reaction, but some take it hard.

This, however, does not mean that anyone should try to change an asshole (bitch) because at the end of the day it is up to them, if they want to change or not. Even then, people do not seem to understand this and trust me, it has taken me to learn the hard way that they can NOT be changed.

Some guys do use the asshole method to get women, but what men (and some women) do not realize is that it has nothing to do with being an asshole (though some do seem to like mistreatment), it is all about the attitude. It is about the confidence a man has about himself, the fact that he could care less about being rejected, and not only that, there is also that attitude that says "I AM THE MAN." (Plus, people seem to like changing others).

At least that is what I seem to like about assholes. If some nice guys adapted this confident attitude and balanced it out a bit more (not too nice, but not an asshole), they would have women liking them for them not because the women want to change the guy.

There are many reasons why the asshole phenomenon takes place, but explaining the reasons would take forever. Plus, I know I would explode into a million other topics and next thing you'll know I'll probably go back to talking about the man-child all over again.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

I have a confession to make: I'm 24 years old and I don't know how to use a hair dryer efficiently. I handle my locks in a rather lackadaisical manner. I wash it, comb it out then let it dry naturally. Some days, I will even be classy and style my hair with Paul Mitchell hair mousse or a hair straightener.

But hair dryers? I haven't touched one in years.

Like any desperate person living in the 21st century who wishes to gain an ability that most normal functioning adults have mastered, I turned to internet video tutorials and was lured by the idea that I, too, can achieve gorgeous hair in a matter of minutes.

I click on the video to commence the instructions. The professor, often in the form of a perky, positive and energetic young woman, goes into a detailed explanation of the steps which have to be performed.

The enthusiasm rubs off. I believe the chipper voice that encourages me to coif my hair into a difficult 'do. I'd honestly like to confide that if I blow a sufficient continuous stream of hot air over my wet locks, it will inevitably result in gorgeous silky waves.

But I have to face reality: I am not dexterous enough to handle a hair dryer with a hair brush simultaneously. I forego the brush after it gets itself tangled three times. While extracting it, I succeed in yanking out enough hair strands to create a wig for a Barbie doll.

Even the most basic way of drying one's hair proves ineffective to me. That technique seems to function best for women who are blessed (or cursed) with naturally straight hair.

MY locks are quite wavy and therefore resist any attempts to tame them.

Still, I take my chances with the tutorial. It's at least worth a shot!

The result?

Yep. Looks just like the girl in the video. Yeeesh...

I can't go out looking like I've just been electrocuted. With some alcohol-induced courage, I ditch the videos and arm myself with the hair straightener and some hair spray.

French and Coffee Bean

Barb: Join us as we go through life warding off creepers around the world!
Hanny: Come to the dark side, we have cookies....and beans.
Barb: Seriously. We have freshly-baked cartoon cookies.
Hanny: And if you go on our twitter, we have beans galore.
Barb: Be sure to share our hilarious feats of hilarity like a virus!
Hanny: Or else...