Friday, November 22, 2013

Occurred: October 2013
Craigslist is a hell of a place to pick up chicks. Many of my sexual experiences have been a result of craigslist. Those who take themselves too seriously might shudder at the prospect of meeting a stranger online for sexual gratification but then again you can find those same people setting up accounts on eHarmony or ChristianMingle. Especially those ChristianMingle god fearing socialist zombie nut huggers. In reality craigslist just cuts all the fat out and gets right to the chase. Especially the casual encounters section. You may have to put up with the occasional surprise of potential booty calls asking for "donations" but most the women I have met up with are looking for the same thing I am; casual, no strings attached sex. You may not exactly be hooking up with 10's, that's what bars and gyms are for, but then again my wrists and internet connection can get breather plus it cuts down on my paper towel usage.

However, recently I discovered another fun use for it; manipulating desperate gullible men into committing acts of bestiality on their beloved pets. This all started when I answered an ad on the "w4m" section titled under "Two girl's fantasy". Out curiosity, and the fact that I'm a guy, I clicked on the ad. I don't remember the exact wording on the ad but what I do remember are two photos of one women whose body looking strikingly similar to HotObama's and the other whom was obviously a thick white girl with natural D-cup breasts that more than justified the thickness. Obviously I responded to the ad because who wouldn't want a threesome with two College of Charleston co-eds that take life advice from Katy Perry?

To my delight they responded and we had a little back and forth for awhile and then we exchanged phone numbers. I was excited about this. My only threesome to date was with TrailerParkMom and her cousin. They were related, I wasn't related to them. I'm sure you have seen family members naked before, it happened. The prospect of another threesome was one that was hard to refuse. We went back and forth on the phone and things were getting very promising. The blood was rushing to that all too infamous head. That's when they informed me that they wanted $300 dollars for a transmission:

Frank: "I don't pay for sex."

Now that's not to say I hadn't given a nurse a "donation" when I was 20 a few times because I wanted to learn how to have sex. I looked at it as paying for a tutor. Blow me. In the years since I put that knowledge to good use. In other words she was the only one and it was three times. Ginger's honor. This is why I said that and stand by it. I was also a little pissed off by it and decided to take to craigslist to give the "w4m" section a heads up:

Date:2013-10-06 00:36:10PostID:[redacted]Title:(casual encounters) Re: 2 Girls Fantasy - w4m
Be prepared to pay up for these girls. They want $200 to "for a new transmission". Hey ladies guess what? Thats prostitution. That's what back pages is for or you could just do the classy thing and get a job at the southern belle. You won't even have to sit on a dick to pay for car maintenance with that. Nothing like CofC girls lol.Now you'd think that people would read an entire ad before posting a response as well as send your pictures of their dick, You would be wrong, you would be so wrong. craigslist has a dark side and some it comes with foreskin. I disregarded all the messages figuring the fervor would die down after a few days. I just wouldn't respond and it would go away just like anything that nags me. All of them did except for one. For all intents and purposes we will call him PepsiDriver. This is the conversation in full with my input at specific points. He is also under the assumption that I'm the two girls since the blood went to that infamous head of his before he should have used it to read the entire ad:

PepsiDriver <5d31c3c684bf39438231bdacafadc336@reply.craigslist.org>

Oct 15

to gv2nv-41125047.

Have y'all found anyone?

I was leaving work at the gym when this came in. This is the moment when the narcissism kicked in and I got my best slutty Katy Perry groupie impression on.

Frank Waszut<gingersamurai@gmail.com>

Oct 15

to PepsiDriver

Yeah. We already have the oil drums and cyanide ready sweet cheeks ;).

Obviously that gives away the fact that I am a Breaking Bad fan and you'd think that alone would probably halt any further responses. I was wrong again:

PepsiDriver <5d31c3c684bf39438231bdacafadc336@reply.craigslist.org>

Oct 15

to gv2nv-41125047.

Ok we'll thanks for replying!

Sent from my iPhone

It should be obvious by now that this guy is desperate and a moron. Why else would you own an iPhone?

Frank Waszut<gingersamurai@gmail.com>

Oct 15

to PepsiDriver

No problem sweety. Maybe next time ;).

PepsiDriver<5d31c3c684bf39438231bdacafadc336@reply.craigslist.org>

Oct 15

to gv2nv-41125047.

How about three hundred dollar that is my biggest dream.

Sent from my iPhone

Like I said; iCult member. 0_o

Frank Waszut<gingersamurai@gmail.com>

Oct 15

to PepsiDriver

It's your biggest dream to be stuffed in oil drum?

The Ginger Heisenberg is starting to kick in.

PepsiDriver<5d31c3c684bf39438231bdacafadc336@reply.craigslist.org>

Oct 15

to gv2nv-41125047.

No be with two girls

Sent from my iPhone

Remember how I've said I'm a psychopath?

Frank Waszut<gingersamurai@gmail.com>

Oct 15

to PepsiDriver

OK, do you have a dog?

Now we are getting to the good part........

PepsiDriver <5d31c3c684bf39438231bdacafadc336@reply.craigslist.org>

Oct 15

to gv2nv-41125047.

Yes ?

Sent from my iPhone

Frank Waszut<gingersamurai@gmail.com>

Oct 15

to PepsiDriver

What kind of dog is it?

PepsiDriver<5d31c3c684bf39438231bdacafadc336@reply.craigslist.org>

Oct 15

to gv2nv-41125047.

Lab retriever mix

Sent from my iPhone

Frank Waszut<gingersamurai@gmail.com>

Oct 15

to PepsiDriver

boy or girl?

PepsiDriver<5d31c3c684bf39438231bdacafadc336@reply.craigslist.org>

Oct 15

to gv2nv-41125047.

Girl name is Bella

Sent from my iPhone

Frank Waszut<gingersamurai@gmail.com>

Oct 15

to PepsiDriver

Ok well we need to see how freaky you are. We need you to send a pic.

PepsiDriver<5d31c3c684bf39438231bdacafadc336@reply.craigslist.org>

Oct 15

to gv2nv-41125047.

Of what?

Sent from my iPhone

In hindsight I think I might have low balled my offer. I'm pretty sure if I really were two promiscuous coeds willing to take a dick from whomever had $300 I could have gotten him to kill someone but this about entertainment, not trying out my expertise at soliciting mass murder.

Frank Waszut<gingersamurai@gmail.com>

Oct 15

to PepsiDriver

Well it would be of you and your dog and basically we want you to kiss it's butthole.

PepsiDriver<5d31c3c684bf39438231bdacafadc336@reply.craigslist.org>

Oct 15

to gv2nv-41125047.

Lol haha no I will lick you're ass anyway of the week but not my dogs ass sorry! I am a big freak but can't do that. That is wrong to the dog!

We went back and fourth for awhile and there was another dick pic involved so we'll fast forward past it for the sake of my not wanting to copy and paste a picture of a guy holding his dick.

PepsiDriver <gingersamurai@gmail.com>

Oct 15

Right I am a cop that works for Pepsi yea y'all aren't real!

Sent from my iPhone

Hence Pepsi Driver.

Frank Waszut<gingersamurai@gmail.com>

Oct 15

to PepsiDriver

Guess you aren't either. At least you thought about kissing a dog's asshole. That counts for something lol.

Now at about that time I had to leave to go and bounce at Big Johns which meant I had to divert attention from Operation: Make Dumbass Like Canine Butthole. I loaded up my gym bag, got my coconut water along with my car keys, wallet, droid device, USB cord, charger, e-cig cartridges, back up e-cig battery, and headed to work. About the time I turned onto Mathis Ferry Rd. I heard that all too familiar tone to alert me:

DROOOOID!!

I couldn't care less about any sentimentalities I had towards the subject of texting and driving so I pulled up my gmail account and there was an attachment. I opened the attachment:

﻿

Yes, Bella got molested. I manipulated a guy that was just looking for a casual threesome with some wanna-be "Girls Gone Wild" material girls in giving his dog a rim job. I lowered the bar for western democracy on that act alone. Now I understand why Australians mock us. I can't really blame them. Now I had to prove if they were real as he followed that up with:

PepsiDriver<5d31c3c684bf39438231bdacafadc336@reply.craigslist.org>

Oct 15

to gv2nv-41125047.

There you go!

Sent from my iPhone

PepsiDriver<5d31c3c684bf39438231bdacafadc336@reply.craigslist.org>

Oct 15

to gv2nv-41125047.

Yea did think y'all would say anything .

Sent from my iPhone

Now obviously he was trying to call their bluff which was becoming increasing hilarious to me. There was only one obvious answer to this. Now you remember how I and the girls exchanged numbers? Well obviously they shouldn't also miss out on the entertainment at so I sent PepsiDriver their number. I can only imagine what resulted following but long story short It must have gone something like:

Discover more about me by typing in words here:

Be my follower. I won't make you drink any Kool-Aid. Promise ;).

The Crash Course on me in a a few shades over 144 characters....

My name is Frank and I'm a narcissistic ginger that was formerly a
professional mixed martial arts fighter. What happens when you mix that
with a enough personality disorders to make Charlie Sheen cringe? You'll
find out along with how I cut 25lbs in 11 days to beat up a Red Sox fan
then got proposed to by a nurse in Mississippi within four days of
meeting her, as well as driving drunk in a hurricane (err. Tropical
Storm), being a lousy wing-man, breaking a flying beer bottle with my
forearm, along with pinning down and vomiting on a dog. People have
always asked me what's wrong with me and all I can tell them is, "I
Don't Have ADD, I have the Whole Alphabet."