Updated Purim-story
And it was in the days of Achashveirosh, that is, Achashveirosh
who was the ADMINISTRATOR of 127 SITES, from www.hodu.com to
www.kush.com. In the 3rd year of his administration, Achashveirosh
made a feast for AOL. Those on his BUDDY LIST he wined and dined
with every PERIPHERAL. His wife, Vashti, made a feast as well,
@ which time her hubby commanded her to come show off her
BARE BONES VERSION to all his drunk CLIENTS. She refused and he
DELETED her for it.
Soon after, Achashveirosh regretted DELETING his wife, and conducted
worldwide SPAM, BROWSED worldwide MESSAGE BOARDS, and GOOGLED in
search of the prettiest maiden for him to marry. At long last,
Esther was found and crowned. Naturally, they posted their picture
on www.OnlySimchas.com.
Mordechai, Esther's uncle, got hold of the FAX that Bigson and
Seresh, two malicious HACKERS, sent that were AIMing a VIRUS at
Achashveirosh's HARD DRIVE. Esther immediately alerted
Achashveirosh, and the episode was SAVED and ARCHIVED. At this
time, Haman the anti-Semite, was given a raise and everyone had
to MODEM (bow down) to him. Only Mordechai refused to do so,
because Haman wore an ICON around his neck; this angered Haman
and made him want to RAM all the Jews' heads in! Haman convinced
Achashveirosh to BACK him UP by offering him some CACHE and
by telling him, "C D Jews are disloyal citizens" yada yada;
so Achashveirosh gave Haman his PASSWORD and told him to use
his administrative privileges as he saw fit. Haman was so excited
("YAHOO!") that he LOGGED IN right away and e-mailed everyone
he knew, telling them kDOS uk'din (it was legal) to DELETE
every last Jew on the INTERFACE of this earth. He even set
aside a specific DATA kill them.
Mordechai the JUNO-d what was going on, so he put on his torn
BOOTs, rags, and ashes, and designated day of fasting and of
prayer (of course, telling them to make sure to say each
WORDPERFECT - ly. He also told the Jews to NETWORK for the
next three days and concentrate on arousing Hashem's (the
Almightys) pity. Last, he sent an INSTANT MESSENGER to tell
Esther to beg Achashveirosh to reconsider his decision.
So Esther went to Achashveirosh and gave him and Haman an
IM INVITATION. At the party, Achashveirosh offered up to her
half of his administration, but Esther simply invited him to
another party the following day to chap arein (shop around)
for another few BYTES. That night, Haman built a gallows on
which to hang Mordechai, because he was so annoyed that the
latter didn't MODEM to him. Simultaneously, Achashveirosh
realized he just SCAN't sleep, so he asked his servants to
DOWNLOAD all his ARCHIVES and see if anyone that deserved a
reward didn't get it. They noticed Mordechai's HOME PAGE,
and Achashveirosh resolved to take action that very night.
Well, Haman was at the door then to get permission to hang
Mordechai, and Achashveirosh asked him what to do to honor
someone special. Haman, thinking it was surely himself being
referred to, said that the person in question should be led
through the streets on Achashveirosh's TROJAN HORSE, wearing
Achashveirosh's best garments. Achashveirosh, without even
bLINKING, said, ".COM on, hurry up and do ALT that for
Mordechai!" Needless to say, Haman FROZE. Haman had no choice
but to go ahead with it, and while he was leading Mordechai
through the streets, his daughter thought that it was Mordechai
leading her father and she dumped the RECYCLE BIN out the
WINDOWS on Haman's head. When he got home and repeated all
this to his wife, she told him "Since that acCURSORed Mordechai
is a Jew, UNIXed it. Your downfall has just begun."
Haman didn't even have time to elaborate because he was summoned
to Esther's party, stinKEY as he was from the whole ordeal.
And Esther had him in the PALM of her hands: she told
Achashveirosh that Haman was planning to kill her and her whole
nation. Achashveirosh got so mad that he ordered Haman and his
ten sons to be DELETED on the tree that Haman prepared for
Mordechai.
The Jews were SAVED, and Achashveirosh even allowed the Jews
to DELETE those out to get them on the date that Haman set aside.
So the Jews lived happily ever after; what the Jews XPected to
be a tragedy turned into a day of great joy.
So every year we try to UPGRADE all MISSING RAM and send the
LATEST VERSION OF CLIPART and THEMED PROGRAMS to family and
friends alike.