watchmen

In the old days, Super Heroes were known to teach kids to do the right thing. But, when they weren’t telling kids to get the proper nutrition, exercise, and obey the law, they were also scheduling their weekends for them. Here’s a pretty accurate dramatization of how it probably went down after a kid saw the above ad in the comic book they were reading: “Mom please! Palisades Park! Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman gave me coupons! Please, please!! I need to go!” Long before amusement parks were commonplace, Palisades Park was the equivalent to Six Flags. The only difference was that it stood out as one of the most extravagant amusement parks in the country. If I was a kid back when these ads were popping up in comic books and magazines I would have begged my parents to take me there for sure.

Notice Wonder Woman shoved down into the right side of the ad while Batman and Superman are cockily posing in the top left with shit eating grins on their faces. You don’t even have to wonder what’s going on behind that FREE coupon. It’s no secret that The World’s Finest team often had their differences, but one thing they both always fully agreed on was Palisades M-therf-cking Park. That’s how they referred to it too. The following is from an actual phone conversation between Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne…

BRUCE: “Hey Clark! Are you ready for the uproarious fun we’re about to partake in at Palisades M-therf-cking Park, Clark? Get it? Let’s go to the Park, Clark! I’m like Paul Simon tonight! 50 Ways to leave for the Amusement Park, sing it with me!CLARK: I’m sorry Bruce, I can’t, I’m actually pretty busy working on an article for The Daily Planet.BRUCE: Yeah sure you are, and Man-Bat might fly out of my butt! Here, I have a fantastic idea, you do your flying thing, and I’ll take the Whirly-Bat and we’ll see who makes it there first. This will kick so much ass, it will be better than the time I “accidentally” saw Catwoman in her lavender neglige. I rocked that pussy…uh…CAT that night. So, I bet you see a ton of hot ass with that sweet X-Ray vision of yours. Damn you Clark! Lucky bastard!CLARK: Bruce, I’m sorry I really can’t…hey…wait one second…(Jimmy Olsen sprints over to Clark’s desk)CLARK: What is it Jimmy?JIMMY OLSEN: (out of breath) You’ve got to hurry! Lois and several others are stuck on a roller coaster at Palisade’s Park in New Jersey!BRUCE: JACKPOT! Perfect time to look up that champagne colored skirt she has on today! If you don’t mind, I’d like to take a stroll down to her lane if you catch my drift!CLARK: Bruce, I’ve really got to go!BRUCE: No wait! How about you take the Justice Jogger and I’ll take a bat-run through the emergency underground Bat-Tunnel and I bet I’ll still beat you there. That Justice Jogger, what a useless piece of shit! I think you’ll still lose though, mostly due to the fact that you waste too much time standing around with your fists on your hips and your cape blowing in the wind before you spring into action. By the time you get to the park I’ll have already finished riding The Cyclone, The Wild Mouse, and of course MY RIDE ahem…The Batman Slide and will have saved Lois and taken her into The Arabian Nights Tunnel of Love with extra time to spare for some brooding atop The German Fun House! Don’t worry though, I’ll wait for your slow ass at the salt water wave pool, OK Clark? Uhhh…Clark?CLARK:…(dial tone) (cue subtle hints of John William’s Superman theme)BRUCE: Fine! I’ll just see if old blue balls himself Dr. Manhattan feels up to going there! Who needs you anyway?

I can only imagine what the Disney/Marvel juggernaut will be unleashing on us within the next few years as their alliance grows stronger. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for my personal favorite, DC Comics. Why did it take blockbuster movies like The Dark Knight and Iron Man to make the two big comic book companies finally nut up and begin to truly exploit some of their other heroes? DC has a responsibility to it’s readers to provide them with the best adventures of our favorite characters in the various mediums available. The DCU animated movies are a step in the right direction, but first, innovation needs to be applied to the source material.

I was never a hardcore Green Lantern fan, but I can imagine how ridiculously pumped true GL fans will be in June of 2011 when the film hits theaters. Did it really take 23 years for a theatrical version of Watchmen to hit the silver screen? Shit, the rights to make a definitive Batman film were purchased from DC in 1979 and after enough scripts to fold up an entire origami model of Wayne Manor, the movie was finally produced and released 10 years later. Anticipation counts for something, but totally frustrating the shit out of your fans is a completely different story. I don’t mind waiting a couple of years for another Batman sequel, but if I have to wait 4 or 5 years I’ll be having flashbacks to the 8 year span of time that it took for WB and DC to grow enough cajones to release Batman Begins. They clearly wanted to be sure that the public had pretty much came to terms with 1997’s farce Batman and Robin. Finally, this brings me to my point, why the hell is DC Comics taking their sweet old time in rolling out a digital subscription plan?

Rather than living in the past and pandering to the old school of fans, DC desperately needs to commit itself to using the most cutting edge technology at all times. If there are so many readers out there who only want to buy print versions of their favorite comics, then why not produce both the hard copies as well as the digitally scanned issues? I’ve read some bullshit on the Internet that DC reps claim that they haven’t found the right method of presenting a comic book via the Internet. That’s funny considering you can find almost any popular comic available for download somewhere on the Internet. Collectors are nice enough to scan them in for archival purposes rather than alternatively finding an issue on eBay and paying a ridiculous $15 or $20 bucks for a comic with yellow pages.

Based in New Jersey, Galusha’s Zuda Webcomic “The Meadowlands” is awesome,

but still not exactly a digital subscription of my favorite DC comic books

What better way to reintroduce lesser known characters and bring superheroes to the forefront than by revolutionizing the way we read comics books? Making the comic book relevant again should be of paramount importance to the newfangled DC Entertainment. For the past few years, DC’s Zuda imprint has been their only foray into webcomics. The only problem with it is that the comics Zuda features are all original works, none of our favorite characters from say…Justice League or The Outsiders. It’s also a competition which provides independent artists and writers the opportunity to showcase their material. Think of it as the American Idol of DC Comics.

A true comic book fan merely wants an escape. They want to experience stories of their favorite heroes while being immersed in spectacular comic art. Personally, I could care less if I have the actual issue in my hand or not. It’s even better if I don’t because I have enough crap in my bedroom and I don’t need even more stacks of comics. My large screen computer monitor is a perfect way to enjoy a comic book, and it would sure make storing and organizing your collection a breeze. Many of us have learned to let go of albums, definitely shitcanned VHS and cassette tapes, and we’re even forgetting about CD’s, so why can’t we forego comic books? The best way of making a superhero eternal is to immortalize them on the Internet, or in a more modern fashion, make them available through an easy one click purchase on iTunes. As far as I’m concerned the fact that Marvel does offer digital subscriptions is a huge win for them. If DC Entertainment wants to compete on the same level as Disney/Marvel, they need to get in the game.

Until a recent Youtube search, I had no idea that Superman was depicted in ads for NJ’s illustrious Palisades Park. Here’s the original Palisades Park jingle from the ’60s thanks to user Wireman525, who features it on his channel.

Superman is no stranger to amusement parks and he clearly looks happy inviting us to “be his guest” at Palisades Park. For many years Palisades Park actually did reign as one of “America’s Greatest Amusement Parks” like the ad states. Since it closed in 1971, parks that house pulse pounding thrill rides have rendered all other theme parks extinct like dinosaurs. If you’re like me and frequent the Six Flags brand of theme parks, then you’re familiar with the various roller coasters based on good ol’ Supes. Here’s the rundown courtesy of SupermanHomepage.com:

By today’s standards, the Palisades jingle probably seems cheesy to many people, especially those who grew up hearing the inordinately obnoxious “Sunday, Sunday, Sunday” Monster Truck spots. Those commercials pretty much obliterated the chance of any other commercials/jingles grabbing our attention ever again (unless it’s the annoying “gimme back that filet-o-fish” song.) In case you couldn’t make them out, here’s the lyrics to the Palisades Park jingle courtesy of PalisadesPark.com:

1) Link to the person who tagged you.2) Post the rules on your blog.3) Write six random things about yourself.4) Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.5) Let each of the six persons know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.6) Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

I was tagged by Chris at When is Evil Cool?, an awesome pop culture blog that I’ve been reading for a few months now! Check it out! Thanks for tagging The Sexy Armpit Chris!

Pets

The only pets I’ve ever owned were a bird and fish. I would love to own a dog or cat but ultimately something always hinders me. Could it be because the bird and the fish died? It feels like a pet wasn’t meant for me even though I’d love some cuddly Gizmo type creature to hang out with when I get home from work. I’ve been looking into adopting a genetically engineered purple lynx named Bubastis. Hopefully Craigslist will have one…

Traveling

I’d like to do all of my traveling within the U.S via a Winnebago a la Lone Star. Many people I talk to put so much emphasis on visiting other countries, and I can understand why. There’s an abundance of beautiful places and cultures to discover around the world, but we in the U.S forget about our own 50 states. I love California, especially San Diego and Los Angeles. I would own property there if I had $$$. I’m thinking of borrowing Lone Star’s Winnebago and enlisting Barf to pilot the thing. Once we get some Jovi cranking, I’ll grab a few of my friends and make our way around the country. If Lone Star won’t give up his ride, then I’ll hit up David and see if he’ll let me borrow his alien ship Max from Flight of the Navigator. At the end of our country wide tour we’ll make our way home, which for my entire life has been right here in The Sexy Armpit aka New Jersey.

Childhood

My favorite period of my life is early childhood. No surprise there, right? I’d say from age 3 through 9 were my all time best years of my life. When gauged, my friends and co-workers frequently tell me that middle school, high school, and college are their favorite eras of their lives. The amount of great memories I have from childhood are innumerable. It’s not just hindsight, but I truly feel that it was just about as perfect as it could have been. I was able to enjoy everything from Three’s Company to the A-Team, He-Man and Thundercats, Back to the Future, The Goonies, Ghostbusters and the resurgence of Batman. The toys I got to play with will never be beaten. I was always using my imagination and people actually encouraged me to do so. I was on the cusp of the computer generation. I became familiar with computers from a class at school but my family didn’t own a PC until the mid ’90s. I was fortunate enough to have a mixture of influences from the late ’70s and the early ’80s.

Tattoos/Piercings

I have 3 tattoos and if they weren’t so damn expensive I’d have at least 3 more. Presently, a lightning bolt resides on my left shoulder, there’s a burst of flames shooting up from my lower abdomen, and I have a star with green fire on my right bicep. Both of my ears are pierced – my left ear has 2. There was no rhyme or reason to that, I just gave up on piercing after a while. I’d love to have my lower lip pierced on one side, (not in the center) I think it looks cool but my boss at work nixed the idea. In today’s world it doesn’t seem like a big deal considering all the different wacky things people are doing, but it’s a corporate environment so there’s supposed to be some sort of decorum. Boooo!

Fitness

I’ve been working out since I was 13 but I despise every second of it. I’m not one of those people who is all smiles after a workout. Sure, the endorphin rush makes me feel good, but who in their right mind wants to work out? Isn’t it so much more fun to vegetate, eat some snacks on the couch, and watch TV after a grueling day at work? I have to literally drag myself to the gym after work and it’s only a short trip down the street from my place! I actually do enjoy running and riding my bike, but only if it’s not cold outside. I’ve become quite the pussy over the years. Oh yeah…and I still watch cartoons and wrestling so SUCK IT!

Rock Band

I don’t ski, snowboard, rollerblade, or take part in rugby, but I do enjoy playing Guitar Hero and Rock Band. My Rock Band 2 band name is The Big Titheads. I played for 3 hours straight the other night. I’ve got some pretty rad hair and a ridiculously slim waistline. It looks totally unhealthy come to think of it. I’m really into the hot female drummer I’ve enlisted. She’s got blonde hair with pink highlights and long pigtails. I don’t find it strange at all that I’m attracted to a girl made of pixels, they make those chicks hot on purpose! One of my favorite songs to play is “Pump it Up” by Elvis Costello, among others. I’ve also come to realize that my pinkies are completely useless.

Watchmen’s comic within a comic, Tales of the Black Freighter, has been lavishly produced for Blu Ray and DVD and hits stores, online retailers, and on-demand on March 24th. I am totally pumped to see this aspect of Watchmen get such a superb treatment. It’s sad to think that those people who have only experienced Watchmen in a movie theater or IMAX may be unaware of what Tales of the Black Freighter actually is. If you are one of the “enlightened ones,” then you have experienced this ghastly allegorical pirate tale. Even if you haven’t read Watchmen, Tales of the Black Freighteris a “must own” addition to your collection solely for it’s atmosphere and significance in the Watchmen universe.

Delving deeper into Watchmen lore is the short based on Hollis Mason’s book Under the Hood. Mason, the original Nite Owl, published a book detailing his exploits as a costumed hero. Excerpts of the book can be found throughout the pages of Watchmen and now we’re able to experience it in visually stunning high definition! Under the Hood mixes live action and CGI in it’s rousing retelling of Mason’s superhero career. I’m a fan of Nite Owl so naturally I’m excited for this!

Watchmen fans have only dreamed of seeing these unique elements of the mythology unfold visually. It took over 20 years but with these 2 new releases as well as the motion comics, and the new video game The End is Nigh, us Watchmen fans have finally got what we were waiting for!

If you’re worth your weight in geek, you can’t wait for The Watchmen movieto be released. It’s sure to be an excruciating 6 months, and even the slightest Watchmen reference doesn’t calm my anxious anticipation. Hopefully the court will rule in favor of allowing Watchmen to be released on schedule that way we won’t have to continue pulling our hair out and re-watching the first chapter of the motion comic on iTunes for the fifty-thousandth time! In the meantime, you’re in luck you Sexy Armpiters! You can temporarily calm those nerves because there are a few references to New Jersey in the pages of the classic Watchmen comic book series! Don’t worry, there’s no spoilers here, so if you haven’t read Watchmen you can still enjoy this post! Shame on you…READ WATCHMEN NOW!

Chapter IV: Watchmaker centers around the most interesting and cool looking character in Watchmen, Dr. Manhattan. Jon Osterman a.k.a Dr. Manhattan holds a PH.D in Atomic Physics from Princeton University, in New Jersey. An Ivy League school, Princeton boasts graduates ranging from U.S presidents to dropouts such as Bruce Wayne, as well as serving as the location for several scenes in the upcoming Transformers 2 Revenge of the Fallen.

According to Wikipedia here’s what Osterman DIDN’T learn while matriculating at Princeton: “Manhattan’s powers include superhuman strength, the ability to teleport himself or others, the manipulation of matter at a subatomic level, and near total clairvoyance.” Oh yeah, Manhattan can also fix watches which isn’t traditionally that cool but proves to be a gift that gets him laid!In this chapter, we also find out that the mother of Manhattan’s former flame Janey Slater lives in New Jersey. Janey and Jon decide to kill some time at an amusement park while waiting for Janey’s mother to get home.Dr. Manhattan reflects on an old photo of himself with his past girlfriend taken at Palisades Amusement Park in N.J. You may remember Freddy Cannon singing about falling in love at “Palisades Park,” a song he recorded that was written by Chuck Barris and later covered by The Ramones. Palisades Amusement park featured the largest salt water wave pool in the country, thanks to water pumping in from the Hudson River. (ewwww! what were they thinking? lol) Presently there’s a high rise luxury apartment complex built on it’s property, but in it’s day the wildly popular Palisades Park was the place to be. Dr. Manhattan wasn’t reminiscing about Coney Island now was he? How ’bout that, huh?

I get a lot of crap from friends when I tell them that I take off of work for movie openings like Hulk and of course, The Dark Knight. For The Dark Knight premiere, I drove 1 hr. and 45 minutes down the Garden State Parkway to Atlantic City and got a comped hotel room so I can make a big event of it. And why not? I don’t really make a big deal about anything so THIS is a HUGE deal for me. Some people took off work to go see the NY Giants Victory parade in the city, but I think seeing The Dark Knight is quite possibly the biggest event in my life since the 1989 Batman film came out! So to all of those people who think I’m crazy for doing these things, let me just say that I doubt I’m the only one. If you’re going to make a big deal about something, let it be this film.

Now, it would be a colossal task for me to fully express all of the thoughts going through my head after seeing The Dark Knight in Imax yesterday. It’s very possible that I would wind up writing a 35 page dissertation on the film. Brevity has never been a strong point in my writing. I’ll try my best to summarize my main thoughts about the film.

We arrived at the Imax theater in the Tropicana in Atlantic City at 10:30 am and people had already started waiting on line at 10:00 am! Luckily, I purchased advance tickets so we had nothing to worry except waiting to get let into the theater. I looked around at the line and saw a young guy dressed as Ledger’s version of the Joker face paint and all! I also spotted many Batman shirts and I noticed other people checking mine out. (it’s pictured above) There was an enormous standee that featured Batman riding the Batpod out of the standee in a 3-D effect. Large hanging posters of the Dark Knight adorned the theater. I scanned across the concession stand to see typical theater fare although they did offer ICEE’s. I’m not talking about Slurpees, or slush puppies…this was the real deal! ICEE’s have always been my favorite but they are very hard to find in my area for some reason. So I got myself a nice large cherry ICEE and a large popcorn. (The large was the smallest they had since various jumbo sizes took over for large) Those two items came out to 13 bucks! Thieves! Okay, okay…enough of the build up! Get to the good stuff!

Quite a few short scenes kick this film off to a fast paced start. We’re reintroduced into Gotham City in what feels like moments. And was it me, or was it exciting to see Scarecrow again? I wouldn’t complain if he showed up in the next film! Within the opening of the film I had the feeling that I was finally watching a comic book movie that was ripped out of the pages. It was not just some Hollywood movie trying to masquerade as a comic movie. The phrase “they finally got it right,” is a total understatement.

Heath Ledger as the Joker

Simply the work of legend. If the Joker was REAL, he would be Heath Ledger. It’s not possible that he acted in this role…he actually became the Joker. Ledger and Bale face off with each other throughout the film and we’re able to see the struggle between chaos and order unfold before our eyes. The reason why Joker is Batman’s most famous villain is because it creates a metaphor. We aren’t just witnessing two tormented souls opposing one another, it’s two powerful forces, disorder and harmony, clashing. Ledger was humorous, sarcastic, and psychotic. The Joker’s trademark laugh wasn’t overused. You’ll notice his laughter at the most effective moments. The story he tells about his father where the “Why So Serious” tag line shows up is some unsettling stuff. Ledger seemed as if he knew he was going to basically create a whole new character. Even though he was playing such an over the top maniacal character, he displayed so many subtleties. While being occasionally low key he still comes off as a psycho. We even seeLedger disguised in a nurses uniform and wig, bringing to mind classic Joker pranks. In reality, Ledger’s Joker wasn’t “So Serious,” because he provided plenty of one liners and comic relief. He’s genuinely humorous while being psychologically disturbing and mentally sadistic.

Minor Origin Tweaks

The film changes the Joker’s origin as well as Two-Face’s. Even though the changes are minor, TDK, and its predecessor Batman Begins, still stand overall as pretty faithful to the comic book. Does anyone have a problem with these changes? Did it bother you that Harvey Dent wasn’t hit with chemicals in a courtroom? Personally I’m a purist and I still like the origin of the Joker/Red Hood falling into the vat of chemicals. Though, to make it seem more realistic they went in a different direction. Even though they went a bit more horrific than I imagined, I really love how Two-Face’s “bad side” looked. It reminded me of an alien from They Live, very frightening. I didn’t agree with Two-Face’s fate but hey, anything can happen in Gotham, right?

Defining a HeroWhat a hero is. A Hero isn’t infallible. Those in the public eye that Gotham looks to such as Harvey Dent and Batman are always under public scrutiny. Even in attempting to do good for the overall well being of Gotham, they’re under a microscope. The way the film ended leaves a feeling of a very clean slate as if anything is possible in the Batman universe. Instead of the film ending with a “tip off” as to who the next villain will be, (as in Batman Begins w/Joker card) The Dark Knight ends by bringing Batman back into focus. The reason why he exists is always being questioned and justified. Bruce Wayne even questions at times if his battle against crime causes more problems than it does help the city. At the end of the film we witness “The Batman” as a character whom we’ve seen for almost 70 years, a vigilante. A person whose own demons were enough to spark his life’s crusade against crime but someone who evolves into a hero who cares deeply about the welfare of a city that seems to be overrun with over the top criminal masterminds.

IMAX What a treat it is to see a film in an Imax theater. The Imax scenes were downright amazing an immersed me right into the film. The action sequences were masterfully executed and I felt like I was actually in the SWAT team van with Harvey Dent during the chase scene. After having seen Batman Begins and Superman Returns both in Imax this film took the technology to the next level.

Cast and Appearances

It was a refreshing moment when I heard that Anthony Michael Hall was going to have a role in The Dark Knight. He’s been one of my favorite actors since I was a kid and I hope he continues to be in genre roles now since Dead Zone was cancelled. Eric Roberts was a perfect fit for Sal Maroni. It was also great to see William Fichtner play the bank manager, or as I call him, the GUY WHO’S IN EVERYTHING! The entire cast are more comfortable with their parts this time. Oldman’s Gordon becomes a stronger character while Freeman’s Lucious Fox grows weary of the lengths Wayne will go for his cause. In ’95 I thought Tommy Lee Jones was a great choice for Two-Face. Fast forward 13 years and after watching Aaron Eckhart hit the nail on the head that’s pictured on the double sided coin of his… Tommy Lee Jones was an abortion. He had no business even playing the character.

Maggie GyllenhaalI had a felling that Gyllenhaal would play a better Rachel Dawes than Holmes did and I was right. Holmes played Dawes very stiff and bitter but I never understood why. No matter her motivation being career success or the prosperity of Gotham City, Gyllenhaal showed more signs of life in her scenes than Holmes did. Gyllenhaal actually flirts with Dent in the film which made me feel like she was more human. Holmes was too dull and boring. Dawes spiced things up a little bit. She played her part less morose and she didn’t show signs of some sort of internal struggle with herself like Holmes did. I appreciated that Gyllenhaal smiled frequently and she just evoked more positive emotions and normal vibes. I don’t agree with the casting of Holmes or Gyllenhaal since I picture Bruce Wayne falling for a hot piece of ass like Talia Al Ghul not a run of the mill average Maggie or Katie. The scene after Batman saves Rachel after a scary fall, she tells him “let’s never do this again.” The humor that followed up such an intense moment reminded me of when Batman (Keaton) said to Vicki Vale (Basinger) “you weigh a little more than 108.” It’s that humor that tickles your stomach after you just got out of a hairy situation.

ConclusionThe drama was simply gripping at times. There are a number of truly intense moments where I was on the edge of my seat and genuinely didn’t know what was going to happen. I think the triumph of the film lies with the details. The soundtrack by Hans Zimmer builds, takes cover, and then slowly creeps up again. The strategic points of silence during aftermaths of destruction and the subtle low repetitions of notes sunk my mind deeper into the drama. The cinematography is the best in any super hero film so far and probably any film I’ve seen this year. All of these fine nuances elevated The Dark Knight into a category of a “fine film.”Along with all of the revolutionary aspects of this installment of Batman, it’s now made superhero films possible to exist as a quality film without a critic painfully admitting “good for a superhero film.” For the rest of your life you’ll never have to hear someone snicker when you tell them that The Dark Knight is your favorite film. Although they WILL still snicker if you tell them it’s Batman and Robin. I didn’t want the film to end. If Nolan had made a never ending batman film I would’ve sat in the theater for the rest of my life watching the many exploits of the Dark Knight unfold before my eyes.

**Getting to see the Watchmen trailer was enthralling. It only leads me to believe that DC IS actually on the right track with their superhero franchise. The DC universe, if utilized correctly, could stand up against Marvel any day. All WB needs is about 2 or 3 more directors as capable and inspired as Christopher Nolan and casts who work asharmoniously as the cast of the Batman franchise.