I can easily say that last Thursday was the worst day of my life. My mom was tentatively diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, a cancer with a one-year survival rate of anywhere from 1-20% and a five year survival rate is 4%.

The diagnosis is tentative only in that they tests they use cannot confirm that her tumor is malignant, yet they are confident it is pancreatic cancer. The tumor is located such that they feel surgery is not possible. The only silver lining is that as far as they can tell it has not spread beyond the pancreas.

Needless to say, I would appreciate any good thoughts, prayers, and referrals to good oncologists and pancreatic surgeons in the Northwest you can provide. Posting will be light for the indefinite future.

I have had a long, long torrid affair with periodicals. At my worst, I subscribed to more than 30 magazines. I have decided to indulge the fetish again.

Magazines of all stripes have fascinated me and provided me with hours and hours or enjoyment each month. In the move to a new apartment, a convienent bump in my credit card limits (I can buy a gi-normus TV now too!), and the loss of some shared subscriptions, I have decided to subscribe to every magazine I want to read.

I already subscribe to some, my new brother-in-law-to-be likes to send me free ones through his on-line travels, but most are new. I figure this is a good way to have one of my friends visit come visit since he enjoys stealing my magazines.

However, you suggestions for ones I may have forgotten are more than welcome.

Well, as of today, my family took the next steps to having three more people in it. My sister is now engaged to her boyfriend fiance. He popped the question last night at Niagra Falls. From all accounts she was surprised.

I have known for about six weeks now that this was coming today and I am glad I can finally share.

- You wake up late, but get to work on time.- A school bus driver freaks out about the car in front of you, but because of the traffic tie up, you find a better way to go to work.- All hell has broken loose in not one, but two of your primary job responsibilities, yet co-workers step in unasked to help out.- Your presentation at the staff meeting gets all screwed up as you try to send it to the right computer, but it works and everyone, literally everyone finds you after to tell you what a great job you did.- You have to lay the hammer down on a malcontent, yet they thank you for being considerate.

I wonder how much of my writing here is going to get me in trouble in the future. Co-workers know of it, future girlfriends will probably find it, future employers will use it to research me, and hell, even my parents have found it at least once.

That's why I am a little reticent about posting about a few areas, one of which is my doctor approved, fully prescribed, never-taken-improperly use of narcotic painkillers. But tonight? I am dancing* to the dulcet tones of Matt Dillon in Drugstore Cowboy.

Why am I dancing to a movie? A movie about junkies who rob drugstores in Portland? Probably because I am hopped to the gills on pain medicine for a one-spoon-10-on-the-pain-scale-left-work-early-because-I-couldn't-walk day. Hey, at least it is my Friday since tomorrow is the company picnic mini-golf outing.

Yeah, I really do not understand this post either...

*Dancing being lying on the couch full of drugs bouncing my head to the dialog.

I was part of an interesting meeting yesterday. Our office has a group working support style on fitness and health and my boss led a goal-setting workshop for us. It was good to get some concrete ways to change the mindset to make getting fit, or doing anything else for oneself, an achievable goal.

Listening to how to take the steps to define the goal SMART-ly, asking myself why I want to achieve the goal, and the visualization of actually achieving it made it seem like something I can do.

I spent last night coming up with a few goals and decided on two that I am really going to focus on. They are private goals for now but I will begin to share them more as I start to see progress.

Another goal I am working on is posting something here everyday. We will see how that one goes.