How many dates should you go on before first time sex? The experts weigh in

So you’ve been kicking it with a new potential bae for a few weeks, and they invite you over for a little Netflix and chill. *Gasp* We all know that “Netflix and Chill”is a modern day dating euphemism for “It’s time to have sex.”

But how long should you wait after meeting someone special before having sex for the first time? The answer obviously varies by relationship. I know one night stand folks who are now engaged, and I know people who waited three months who never heard from the person again.

But according to a study published in the Journal Of Sex Research, there may not be such a drastic link between “the wait” and relationship satisfaction after all, Men’s Health explains. The study polled 11,000 unmarried people who were in “serious or steady” partnerships and asked when they started having sex and correlated the results with their perceived relationship happiness.

Of the study participants who had had sex, 51% said they waited a few weeks, 38% said they had sex on their first date or within a few weeks, and 11% had sex on their first date.

The couples who reported having sex sooner were slightly unhappier than the other groups–but social scientists credit this discrepancy to the fact that sexual satisfaction overall declines as the new bedroom spark wears off. Have sex sooner? Lose passion faster. But it’s inevitable for anyone, no matter how long you decide to hold off.

So rather than stressing about whether you had sex “too” soon, try to understand why you are waiting. Is it because you’re still uncomfortable? Is it because they haven’t shown signs of commitment? Is it because of what sex means to you mind, body and soul?

Ultimately the decision is choice is up to you. So just make sure you are ready it’s because you are ready—whether that be day 1 or day 90.

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