You Smile I Smile

Sonshine: My Journey After the Loss of My Son

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Mother's Day...

I was dreading this day so soon after Andy’s death. It was always my favorite day of the year, which I reminded Andy of each Mother’s Day in a message I always wrote him. So I had to have a plan. I invited Andy’s cousin, Lexi, to come down and stay with me for the week and decided to have a little graveside celebration. It was wonderful having Lexi here. She is a beautiful sweetheart of a girl, and having her here made all the difference. She helped me brush up on my knitting skills, so I’m back in the groove with that again!

So, on the big day, I invited Andy’s friends to the cemetery for a celebration of his life. We all gathered graveside with brightly colored balloons.Two of Andy’s friends, Bianca and Jasmine, brought their babies. It was wonderful having them there, and they were enamored with the balloons. It brought a big smile to my face.Who’d have thought I could smile on this day? Ah, the joy of children! We all took a balloon. I said how much I loved my boy and all of them and that when we let the balloons go we were releasing sadness and grief and sending up love to Andy. Then we counted to 3 and let them all go at once. It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life.We watched for a good, long time as they floated up heavenward. Several of the kids gave me Mother’s Day cards and gifts and flowers. Bianca’s Mom, Bibi, had come earlier and left Mother’s Day balloons and flowers for me and a beautiful bouquet for Andy, including sunflowers in a bottle with a smiley face on it. It was perfect. There are some beautiful people in this world.

A word about Andy’s friends…I simply love them. They are some of the kindest, coolest, most wonderful people I will ever know.They have been a Godsend for me. They all keep in very regular touch with me and they give me the love I so miss from Andy. I don’t think most kids would do that. These are some incredibly special kids, each one unique and wonderful in his/her own way. I hope they know how incredible they are. Kids, YOU ARE UNIQUE, SPECIAL, AND WONDERFUL, AND I LOVE YOU! I’m so proud that my son had such incredibly good taste in friends.

Some of Andy’s friends haven’t been to his grave yet because it’s still too painful and that is PERFECTLY OK. We each grieve in our own way and in our own time. And it will take a long time for all of us to have any semblance of happy or normal again. Grief is a very personal and individual thing, and we will all do it our own way. Me, I still need to go most every day to spend time with Andy’s earthly body. The cemetery is a lovely, quiet place to meditate and talk to my sunshine. My cousin, Linda, said something beautiful to me that I think about every time I’m there…”when you feel the sunshine on your face, that is Andy (your sunshine) sending his love to you.” Thank you for that Linda! Ok, now I’m crying, but I’m smiling through the tears. Let there be sunshine!J

1 comment:

I am so glad I was able to be there for the releasing of the balloons and I loved meeting Andy's friends. I am also so glad I was able to be there with you on mother's day--and the whole week. I had an awesome time; it was great getting to know you and Kenny more and it was wonderful talking about Andy and it really helped my own healing process. Lexie

It is my hope that this blog can help others who are on this same journey. Maybe we can walk this road together. All is not hopeless, there is hope ahead. So, if you'd like to join me on this journey, welcome. Let's see how this all unfolds.