I have no idea what i was thinking to pay 60 euros for a model united nations conference. It's basically a simulation of an un conference for high school and university students, i won't explain it in detail cos it doesn't really matter. Not only do i have to make speeches (obv since i enrolled as a delegate), i am stressed even by opening ceremony and social event. Opening ceremony lasts a few hours and then the event is at a club in the evening. I'm not prepared to go there and meet and talk to all those strangers from all around the world. I know it's a great opportunity but i don't feel like I'm strong enough. Only I am able to pay so much money for something and then cry because i dont wanna go there. I know i have to...

In September 2015 I made the decision that I wanted to go to university. There were a whole boatload of reasons why I wanted to go. I looked for different universities that I could possibly enter with the qualifications I had. I like business but I only ever involved myself with computer-related things. I settled for 2 different universities and decided I wanted to go to one above the other. I booked myself in for an open day that was to take part 2 weeks later for the university I wanted as my first choice and waited for those 2 weeks to pass. At the time I didn't think anything of it. I was going on an adventure several miles away across the country. I was excited. The day finally came and I had to wake up early. All my 'planning' and 'organising' on how I will get there was finally put to the test. I paid for my train fare, I got my uncle to take me to the train station and I approached the ticket machine to get my tickets but it wouldn't accept my money. I tried to wave my uncle over for help, but instead he waved back and drove away. I was alone.

Suddenly in that moment I felt so scared. I had never been anywhere alone before, not like this. I had never planned a journey before. I had never been so far across the country alone before. Whenever I'd travelled it was always with somebody. I had no idea what I was doing anymore but I tried to keep myself calm because I knew panicking was the worst I could do.

Since the machine wouldn't accept my money I hoped the machine would accept my card, and I also hoped the money I put into my bank account had arrived in time. Fortunately it did. I then had to find how to get to my destination because I had only used a train once before and it was with a friend who'd planned the whole journey. When I approached the platform I saw a train conductor standing alone so I asked him what platform X train to Y destination I needed to get. He tells me but I have no idea what he actually said, so I just wing it and look around myself.

When the train arrives, I get on and it then later arrives at the next station. Since I was stupid enough to listen to my brother's advice, instead of getting off and switching ot the right train, I stayed on and as it took off, it was driving in the complete opposite direction to where I wanted to go. I started panicking. How do I get off? Where do I go? Am I on the right train? Conductor after conductor passed by but my social anxiety was so high I couldn't even talk.... right up until the ticket master asked for my ticket and I asked him for some help. He directed me the whole journey. Get off at the next station, wait for the train back to the previous station, go to X platform and wait for Y train. I felt a bit better because I finally knew where I was going.

I followed the conductor's journey information and finally got onto the train and made my way to the university open day. I felt so relieved when I finally got there and saw the station and the people who picked me up and drove me to the main hall where I then received a talk for about 10-15 minutes and the rest went just as smooth.

As I sit here writing this, I'm in my second year of university, working hard to improve myself and my education.

I know that what I've written is a wall of text on the matter, but the point I want to make here is that no good thing is always ever achieved without some sacrifice and fear. At the time I was 24 years of age. Never been away from home alone before. Never really travelled alone either. Then suddenly there I was an, 'adult' who made all these decisions and plans to go somewhere new and have a great opportunity to improve myself and it was really hard, it was terrifying because it was so new. I was the one who made all these decisions and I made them all alone.

Whenever I'm faced with a terrifying situation, I look back to that day and I think about the sacrifice I made, how I pushed myself to do something without the help of anyone else and that is always the one time in my life I can look back and feel good for having pushed through my fears and anxiety to achieve something far greater than I could have ever imagined.

Do not focus on the event itself, or what you 'will have to do', focus on the end result. Focus on what you will have achieved at the end of your journey. I understand that seems difficult, because it is, but it does not mean that it isn't achievable. You may feel fear, you may feel anxious, but do not allow it to take away the things you want to do.