The Lovely Bones won’t bring another Oscar for Peter Jackson

Before I saw this it sounded like we could be in Oscar-sweeping territory: director Peter Jackson follows up his monster-scale epic Lord Of The Rings with a return to smaller âseriousâ drama. Head to the bookies now, I thought.

Then I watched it. Oh dear. Adapted from Alice Seboldâs best-seller, itâs the story of missing 14-year-old Susie Salmon (astonishing Saoirse Ronan â the best thing here), who is raped and murdered on her way home from school by a creepy neighbour ( Stanley Tucci â the filmâs sole Oscar nod).

As her distraught parents (unmemorable Rachel Weisz and Mark Wahlberg) desperately search for her and the man who has kidnapped her, Susie bobs above them in a lurid, Technicolor âheavenâ embarrassingly reminiscent of the Care Bear kingdom, occasionally appearing before her daddy via candlelight.