Dogs to learn to shake hands instead of sniffing each others’ assholes

Dogs are to learn how to shake hands so that they don’t have to greet other dogs by sniffing each others’ assholes.

The traditional dog greeting involves two dogs sniffing each the other’s anus and saying ‘Good morning. Is this your anus?’

Dogs will now receive training worldwide so that they can shake hands in the clean and proper way that civilised humans do.

Dog owner Betty Bumflaps said:

“I think it’s disgusting the way dogs currently greet each other. There’s no ‘hello’ or ‘how are you?’ – it’s straight to the shitter for a spot of sniffing. I’m glad that dogs are now going to learn to shake hands like we do. Imagine if I were to walk down the street sniffing everyone’s asshole? That’d be gross.”

But some dogs are not as keen. 3 year old Labrador, Rufus, said:

“I simply adore sniffing assholes. Whatever next? Will they stop us eating cat shit too? What is this world coming to?”