Wednesday

I’ve known a couple and both are good friends of mine for quite sometimes.They both been together, courting & married for almost 20 years. Since the guy 18 & the lady friend was only 14. They’ve decided not to have any children because how much they love each other and wanting that feeling to be preserved. But today, am shocked to hear they are going on trial separation…when you love someone that very much, there’s not anything that you are unable to overcome.

Is love, marriage & commitment have no value anymore?

Well, fine … it’s true that am always believe marriage is not the highest accomplishment in life, And it’s never for the sake of everybody doing it, you have too. But I never against it. It just…there are so many exciting journeys to look for before settling down, but to see how devoted and committed this friends of mine for their marital and towards each other, sometimes do make me want to get hitch.

But love, love...love. It’s bigger scale than marriage…love makes the world a better place to be.

it hurts sometimes but it does feel good, feel right… and aware that you do actually have heart.

A beating. Slow, Fast and Alive.

Is nobody believe in love anymore these days. Is it me the only person who still strongly believe. What happens!?! What to believe now? Should we give up love for some other things, materials, some entertainment perhaps…

Is it worth?

(Straight from heart note: Dear God, please look after them and I’m wishing both of my dear friends all the best during this difficult period. And I want them to know, I love both no matter what will happen)

Tuesday

I found this shot. A group pix of my photography aficionados. We are not pro, just having fun and sort of having healthy activity over weekend. In fact it helps me restraining myself from club hopping and wasting my time for something didn’t matter. We went everywhere and taking everything. Tho, I do hv another groups, one with my photojourno friend and the other with my free-lance photographer friend. But this is the original assemble. To be honest I do prefer to be in a group of guys, it is simpler. We can chat about everything from music to politics, from coffee talk to serious conversations. Joking around and hv a good laugh. Had arguments and then, cooling down easily, no heart feeling. They definitely do not pay much attention. What I wear, how do I look like…they respect me for who I am. Comparing notes and appreciate each other talents. The friendship is mutual and platonic. Not taking advantages or opportunities. They always had my back. That is something that worth gaining in friendship and am treasure for the rest of my life. But that was then. Now, am the sole survivor from that fun group. Roaming around taking pixs on the lonely path.

This band of brothers taking care of me like a little sister, just as growing up days with my only elder brother. He taught me the meaning to be tougher. Whenever we were playing football, he always yelled at me “run dear sister, don’t just stand there. keep running even if you don’t hv the ball cos when they see you running they will eventually passing the ball (which very seldom happened)” or “get up. don’t cry like a girl (erk…duh!?!)”. Another favourite past time when we were child was playing kite. I made beautiful kites and they were the ones who fly them (girl can't hold a string, according to them) so, am just doing what I do best, keep running around to ensure their kites weren't clashing (very important job according to mommy, as kite maker & navigator). Even tho, I do not get what I always wanted at that time but had prepared me with a good foundation as of to-date, in my field of work. To outsmart them, you have to work harder, quicker, committed, focus and be funnier. Cos, what I’ve learnt, no matter how much am appreciated men laid back approach towards life, men are certainly unable to multitasking. They just can’t combine all of those. Deal one at times. Anyway, I still have my love for men and need them for some other stuffs too. Which obviously I can’t do by my own. “C’est la vie”. Very fair;oP

(Mental note: I always preferred joining my brother / cousins for outdoor games as in my family girls outnumbered by boys and am afraid of dolls- Barbie is vicious looking witch even when wore a messiah clothes. So, most my “girlie cousins” found me bit weird).

Thursday

It’s raining. Every other day and sometimes at night. I love raining but unfortunately, am falling sick. Am having cold and getting bit worse lately. Can't sleep either. Even my boss told me to see a doctor and get well .

(I get it Boss, we do have datelines, no worries. Appreciate your thoughtfulness ;O)

The thing is, I may sound shallow and ridiculous but the last time I went to see a doctor, they found tumor on my breast. Tho the treatment is not so scary but still, it involved emotional roller coaster for me. I just feel, if it is your time to go, you go. If we don’t know, we just go thru our lives, as happily as can be. Once, we know, we probably stop living. My father was physically active man. He was 3 times Marathon Champion and got to keep the winning Trophy. He loves driving his car, gardening, reading and Beatles. He never been sick. No heart problem, no high blood, no kidney problem, no diabetes, seldom have flu & fever. Healthy.

But the day that he’d been diagnosed with cancer,

he stop living. He don’t even bother to fight his war. He surrender while he was still inside his Castle.

Yet, the most valuable lesson I’ve learnt after his passing. You, either be self destructive or be optimistic about your life and its’ consequences. I, try the very best to be optimistic. My life may not be happy and well all the times, without much choices given, you have to make the best out of it. Perhaps if unable to be the greatest fighter, at least brave enough to be in a front line. Hence, will still considering my option to pay doctor a visit tho;D

Honestly, Doctors here are not my favourite person. I say, lack of human touch. You’ve to wait for 4 hrs and they only consult you for 5 mins. Don’t care to ask anything else other than what is your sickness!?! Should start with, How's your day? and end with, Enjoy the rest of your day...or Hope you feel much better by end of this day. Those warm words...

(Mental note: Do you think raining, other than bring nice feeling also melancholy?)

Tuesday

Traveling is another cup of my tea. I have to have it or i will loose my momentum. This year, there are couples of places that i have my eye and heart on. And as of late, I've been traveling on my own, am inviting lots of remarks and sarcasm from circles of friends. Some, encouragements, some, sort of torn you into pieces, without sensitivity make joke out of it. As if traveling alone rather dull and less enjoyment (Well, depends what sort of amusement you are looking for). Most, came from some colleagues.

One time, during "pantry session" , a girlfriend came to me and start asking questions; where i plan for my vacation?, when am i going home?As responds,I told her, I've no idea yet, probably traveling somewhere else. With shocking face (as if am just telling her that i've been "sperminated" from the sperm donor) she said traveling? alone? Aren't you scared, or bored or sad isn't it?

I replied her, very true. Being a woman and traveling alone always a risk , you have to be knowledgeable with your surrounding, be alert, know your position and location, be friendly to everyones but not too nice, you must have some doubt but you can't be not trusting anyone. you will be paranoid. you have to have faith.

but most important enjoy and celebrate the tranquility of the said place. you are there to understand others culture, landscape and ambient. so, relax. Then, I told her, I am more scared to be in my room, alone, and when it's pitch dark...I am thinking what if you are going to die in your sleep. Who will going to discover you?

Don't you ever think that is even more scary?

Well, at least, I managed to shut my conversation with "broad-less minded creature" and went back to my work happily.

(Mental note: For those who is considering yourself traveler rather than tourist, recommended to watch "BBC documentary history with Michael Wood" and "An idiot abroad with Karl Pilkington". Trust me, both will elevate you;o)

Tho, am not fond of make-up, my trick, sometimes minimal blusher and lip gloss…and I don’t prefer to brush my hair, so am always keep it curly…therefore I do not hv to think of any excuses whenever I’ve crazy hair day, if that qualifies as sexy & simplicity…:oD

To all my friends for this wonderful 3 years…who contributed and compiling series of my pixs as myself always behind camera and captured others person moments, this is such a privilege to find myself from other eyes…