Mr. Whyte Arrested for Math

An amateur sketch of Mr. Whyte executing a math transaction helped lead to his arrest.

Ever seen the show “Breaking Bad?” Pace Academy math teacher Gus Whyte sure has. In fact, not only has he seen it, but he lives it. Don’t the similarities between show protagonist Mr. Walter White, high school chemistry teacher and meth maker, and Mr. Gus Whyte, high school math teacher, seem more than coincidental? His students have speculated for years, but this past week, students were stunned to learn that Mr. Whyte had been taken into custody by federal officials and charged with the manufacture and distribution of high grade math.

The arrest took place this past Thursday at Mr. Whyte’s favorite local restaurant Papi’s Cuban Grill, only blocks from his Midtown home and math lab. Mr. Whyte did not resist arrest and will be pleading guilty to the charges.

The Knightly News was given exclusive access to talk to Mr. Whyte about the crimes. The burning question was obviously why he would do such a horrible thing. When asked about his motives, Mr. Whyte stated, “I never intended to hurt anybody, I just needed the cash.” According to the authorities, all the money was used to fund Whyte’s elaborate international playboy lifestyle, Buccaneers season tickets, and his parents’ retirement. “You don’t get that stuff on a teacher’s salary,” said Whyte.

Whyte is reportedly a major player in the math industry. Authorities were relieved to find out that he was in fact the infamous math kingpin, “Pythagoras.” The brains behind this international math empire, Whyte was well known for his unique brand of math, which has a purple tint. (Purple is the color of his alma mater, Williams.

Federal officials had been searching for Pythagoras, the man behind the purple math operation, for 18 months. However, they first became suspicious of Mr. Whyte in October when a former student of his (who will remain undisclosed) was seen using the purple math on a college WebAssign. College officials were immediately alerted and the student was brought into custody, naming Mr. Whyte as the source of this math.

Mr. Whyte was subsequently put under close watch. He apparently exhibited a lot of suspicious behavior, meeting with many “mathy” people including the Georgia State Mathletes and Mr. Smith. He was also spotted hanging out at the NCAA Men’s Math-ketball Final Four, an event notorious for its widespread math use and abuse. He also took several trips to Tampa to meet with his distribution associates and use his Bucs season tickets.

Unbeknownst to the Academy, Mr. Whyte was reportedly running a high-level math distribution network and manufacture operation. According to Pace officials, no current Pace students were involved in the manufacture, distribution, or consumption of the math. Mr. Whyte exclusively distributed outside of Atlanta in order to stay under the radar, with a distribution network based in Tampa, his hometown.

The federal agent assigned to the case stated, “Hundreds of high school and college students across the country will no longer have to suffer the effects of hardcore math use. This is a great success.” Mr. Whyte is currently facing anywhere from 20 years to life in prison with a bail of $(4000y-πx).

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