I’ve always been a neutral and dry person for as long as I can remember. It’s caused me to have a close to nonexistent social life and a crippling mentality. Most of it had to do with my upbringing but now that I’m aware of the issue, I’m in the driver’s seat. But I have no idea how to go about making the change.

Don’t mean to treat this place like a shrink office, just lost atm and need clarity.

There's this unhealthily understanding that we need to be happy at all times, or else we're doing something wrong. The reality is that happiness, like every other emotion we have, is fleeting. It will come and go like a sad, rainy afternoon, or a frustrating Thursday night on your way home from work.

I would recommend you coming to terms with the phrase "being content". I think this is a much more healthy goal to chase and maintain. I'd argue that being content comes much more easily when you have a stable home, income, and access to food. Your basic necessities, like out of that one guy's (Abraham Maslow as pointed out below) hierarchy of needs. Once the necessities are sorted, you can look into the things that excite you. What changes would you like to make? What would you like to experience? If such a sufficient goal becomes clear, set a clear path toward it. It doesn't have to be immediate or anything, but it should be important to you. We're dynamic creatures in a dynamic world. Spice things up. Do scary things.

Happiness is not the end all, be all. We could all probably think of a bunch of things that would make us happier than we are now. But you gotta remember that happiness doesn't stay around forever. Being content with who you are, what you choose to do, how you affect people around you should be our focus. It is in my experience and in what I could learn from the experiences of my mother, my brother, my uncles and aunts, my friends, that contentment is one of the few lasting things we'll know. It is in our concious control, not in our emotions, that we decide whether we are content or not.

There's this unhealthily understanding that we need to be happy at all times, or else we're doing something wrong. The reality is that happiness, like every other emotion we have is fleeting. It will come and go, like a sad, rainy afternoon, or a frustrating Thursday night on your way home from work.

There's this unhealthily understanding that we need to be happy at all times, or we're doing something wrong. The reality is that happiness, like every other emotion we have is fleeting. It will come and go, like a sad, rainy afternoon, or a frustrating Thursday night on your way home from work.

I would recommend you coming to terms with the phrase "being content". I think this is a much more healthy goal to chase and maintain. I'd argue that being content comes much more easily when you have a stable home, income, and access to food. Your basic necessities, like out of that one guy's (Mavlow I think) hierarchy of needs. Once the necessities are sorted, you can look into the things that excite you. What changes would you like to make? What would you like to experience? If such a sufficient goal becomes clear, set a clear path toward it. It doesn't have to be immediate or anything, but it should be important to you. We're dynamic creatures in a dynamic world. Spice things up. Do scary things.

This is it right here. For me, if something/someone is always happy, then happiness loses meaning. Sometimes, the unhappiness makes happy, well, happy.

On top of that, I think "happiness" is something that always changes and cant be obtained permenantly. Ive seen many try to grab it and hold on to it, only to realize much later it isn't happiness they have anymore. Many set a goal and say "when I get here, I'll be happy". It can be anything: Education, a relationship, a job, financial stability. Once they get it, they stay there, stagnant, complacent and nonmoving, only to realize years later that they're unhappy.

My advice: don't aim to hold on to "happiness". If you work hard (in all senses), you'll bump into happiness ocassionaly. Acknowledge it, enjoy they moment, and move on. It'll come back soon.

Thanks for saying this. This is what I feel deep down but it's hard to voice it because of what I see on Instagram/Facebook. It's like everyone is always having the time of their lives. I have to constantly remind myself to not compare my everyday to other people's highlight reels. I have to remind myself that a lot of this is about validation and approval, not being content.

I'm starting over right now and starting with addressing my health issues, then seeing a mental health clinic to get screened for manic depression, then maybe getting an MRI to make sure my chronic headaches on one part of my brain are nothing serious (fingers crossed). I can't build a good life without starting here.

I am a web developer/designer, so after all this I am going to apply for jobs while building my consulting/freelancing on the side. I have a list of places I want to travel to and a list of things I would like to do/experience. None of it is super expensive or out of reach, just need to take daily steps.

I would like to share my life with someone but I can't do any of that without getting these first few things right.

So I'm going to be honest with you as someone who went down the same path you are going through/starting. It's fucking hard but 100% worth it. I got diagnosed with bipolar about 5 years ago and was a graphic designer working for a company i didn't care about. I hated life and post grad sucked after seeing everyone on facebook getting married, traveling, etc... I had constant migraines, was out of shape, and my emotions were all over the place (I was rapid cycling for almost 2 years).

But I started to work on myself. It felt like for every step I took I fell 3 steps back but I pushed through. Meds were the hardest thing to figure out since it was weighing the pros and cons each time hoping it wouldn't have a worse side effect. I took daily steps to work on myself, started meditating, working out, working on my friendships and getting rid of the toxic ones, found a way to get excited about life again, etc... and I'm happier and more content than ever.

I moved cities and found a great job that gave me more financial freedom and independence to work on my freelancing, I'm saving up right now to travel abroad, I go camping with friends to recharge, and I've been more stable than cycling which has been great. It did take me 4.5 years to get to this point but damn it was worth it. I look back and am glad that every bad thing happened because it forced me to make changes.

I hope this gives you some hope and I wish you the best! Keep fighting and keep being kind to yourself. Focus on loving and respecting yourself so much that you overflow with it and can give it out of excess. Bad days and being unhappy are good things because it can be used as a motivator to make things better. They make the good and happy days brighter in comparison.

I love this response and I agree with it 100%. I would only add that a great source of happiness for me has been self-improvement. By that I mean examples where I have actively tried to improve some aspect of me or my life - losing weight, paying off my debt, meeting new people, taking holidays, earning a raise at work.

Apart from that, I also think knowing more about yourself is an excellent source of happiness, i.e. trying to figure out what you want in life and working towards it. What kind of work life do you aspire to? What kind of family life do you aspire to? Where do you want to be in 5, 10, 20 years? Do you want lots of savings? Do you want to live in another country? etc. etc.

Too many people, I think, live the life they've been told to live: Go to college, get a prestigious job, earn lots of money, marry a beautiful partner, have kids, retire rich, etc. Is that what you really want? Are you working towards your dream or are you just trying to fill out a checklist that your society, or your parents, or your peers have drawn up for you?

The other just means you are content. That you don't seek to change things.

The goal in life is for the second, but many people confuse it and think they need to find the first. This is made even worse by Social Media which lead people to believe that others have already found the first one. Nobody can live "happily ever after" because it literally isn't possible. You stop feeling happy and just feel "normal" after a while. You actually do need sad moments to help you appreciate the happy moments.

The saying "Money can't buy you happiness" doesn't mean "money will never make you happy". It means that no matter how much money you have, it will not stop you from being sad. You will not be able to buy a pill that makes you happy. Drugs are only a temporary solution.

For many people, the trick to being a happier person is all about outlook. For a huge amount of people the only thing they should need to change about their lives is how they look at it.

I can authentically answer this. I'm 43 and have achieved what I consider to be absolute happiness. 1. Aim to be beholdened to no-one and no idea. 2. Do everything out of sincere kindness and not for reciprocity. 3. Read up on Stoicism. 4. Spend much less than you make. I've got a great family, career and friends. Main thing is to genuinely be satisfied with what you have right now. Build in the expectation of future disappointment and sadness and remind yourself that those are tomorrow's problems, not today's.

The philosophy of stoicism has almost nothing to do with being stoic as we define it. The philosophy involves always working towards your values (towards "virtue") and concentrating on things within your control, not being unreactive emotionally. And I don't think it's too far of a stretch to say people in general prefer people like that.

Also. Walking around and judging what people do will eventually make you feel judged. So stop doing that. Its your world do what makes you happy and dont worry about what others are doing. Youll realize you will stop giving a fuck. If I can recommend a book: its called subtle art of not giving a fu k :)

Man, realizing at a young age that bad things are always going to happen to you and that how you react to the shit life throws at you is soooo important. Bad things will happen to you, how you react to them defines a large portion of your life and can drastically change your path in life.

What was your gym routine? Did you have a workout plan or schedule? Were you sleeping enough to rest your body? I try to get exercise at least 4 days a week and it definitely leaves me a very small amount of time for stuff like video games, but I tend to enjoy my time more that way.

Don't get me wrong I'm still lonely as hell, but I feel much better about myself when I'm putting in the effort and not falling into the rabbit hole of beer and video games until I pass out every night after work.

i commend you on that lol. ran every other day in the military. been out like 13 years now and i cannot think of anything i want to do less than go out for a run. I hated it when i did it, i hate it now. i never once enjoyed it nor felt it got easier....i also have flat feet and breathing problems so that may have make it suck more too.

That's because you have no/low stamina. You need to build that, and you'll do it by being constant with the activity (wether it's running, cycling etc.). Ofcourse, even when you have stamina, you'll get winded, your muscles will get tired, but you'll also calm down and rest much quicker.

Running and exercise release the same endocannabinoids that are released when you smoke weed. As someone who does regular walking and smokes weed more than regularly, I can attest that after walking for 2 hours, I get a similar feeling to getting stoned

Oh for sure it's a real thing. I've got a half marathon coming up, but I remember the first time I did 8 miles with an under 10 minute pace without stopping. Those kind of goals feel amazing to hit, and when you're constantly pushing yourself to run those distances every day you always feel great about it.

If you don't run a lot now, your ankles, shins, knees, etc will hurt. Over time you get more resilient. Same with any muscles or joints. If you don't use them, they hurt when you do until they don't.

The runners high is deff there. The sweaty part is the best...lets you know your body is getting rid of all those toxins and stress pouring off. The high you get feels amazing. It gives me goosebumps sometimes or like it will make me feel powerful and nothing can stop me.

It is, same thing with working out. But bodybuilders call it the "pump". I sometimes have a hard time peeling myself out of my bed but when i'm done working out and i walk out of the gym i never regret it.

What makes you happy? Figure that out and surround yourself with it, within reason.

Meet new people doing this, expand into more niche hobbies from this.

For example; I just recently got into D&D. While fun, I found that I thoroughly enjoy DMing. Trying to fit what players do into the narrative of the story while making it plausible and cohesive stimulates me in positive ways. Rolling new characters and giving them backgrounds also helps me out. The artistic side, drawing characters, painting mini-figs not so much. So I focus on the former.

Recently took an interest in screenwriting, and like D&D, character development is large aspect of it. Engaging with the characters gave me eureka moments, because I realized a lot of the dynamic is no different than real life; started picking up those things. But what I like most about screenwriting is developing an entirely new world, shaping it into many ways. Kinda like putty.

Oooo I've been doing screenwriting for the last couple years and it can get really addicting. Writing the perfect little scene of dialogue can be so satisfying, especially going back and reading something you wrote a few months ago and forgot about.

One, having a great job. I spend most of my time at my job. If I'm not passionate and happy about my job and if my co-workers aren't supportive and there for me, then that's a deal breaker. I have learned to quickly recognize unhappy situations and move on.

Two, feeling good about myself. For me, having a healthy lifestyle, being physically active, and dressing well are all a part of this. Last year, I swam a lot. Before that, I climbed a lot. These days, I just hit the gym and hike when I travel. When I'm frustrated, it's a lot easier to work it off doing something physical. If I get unhealthy I get unhappy at myself. It's a vicious circle. That’s not to say I don’t have days when I drink a lot or pig out. But when I look in the mirror and I’m unhappy at myself, I take stock and work on improving my self confidence.

Three, I need a hobby that I'm passionate about. Same as one. It needs to be something that I'm genuinely interested in. Lately, it's been photography. I travel a lot so it's been good having the opportunity to learn how to take good pictures. I spend time learning more and playing around and seeing what others have done. I also have other hobbies (collecting watches, riding etc) but I focus on one and passively engage on others. My current goal is to be able to take good evening photos of wildlife.

And four, being in a happy relationship. Being with someone who makes me genuinely happy. Someone who brightens up my day. Someone with whom I have that spark. Thinking of my fiancée makes me grin like an idiot. Seeing messages or notes from her make me so happy. As I was typing this post, she sent me a cute iPhone X unicorn video. Even though we are in two separate continents (her in Australia and me in South Africa), waking up to that made me feel that much closer.

Yes, other things matter. Friends and family. But if you're in a sucky job and a bad relationship, your friends and family can only help so much.

Overarching all this is good discipline, balance, and the ability to recognize when you’re in a rut.

My job has its off days but it’ll never be more important than my relationship, friends, and family. My hobby is important but I won’t let it take away my ability to spend a Sunday snuggled up watching YouTube dog videos. My health is important but I’m not going to forego going on a wine tour with my woman or say no to a 4th of July party.

These past couple of years have been hell for me. My mom survived cancer, my dad had a stroke, and he has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. My ex wife left and I’ve been away from my four year old. I lost well over half a million dollars in the divorce and I barely get to see my son. She gave away my dog. My work has had its crazy moments. My mentor left the firm. I got accused of racism by someone who basically did not like me. I suddenly got asked to move to South Africa.

And yet, I see the silver linings too. My parents are still here. I met someone incredible in Australia (and she has an awesome puppers). We are getting married in Italy end of the year and moving back to the US before Christmas. I’m using my time in South Africa to travel and learn more about this beautiful continent. I still have my son and my friends and family.

Most importantly, I still have my own good health, mental and physical, and I have hope for a wonderful future.

I’m glad it was helpful! I’d say that recognizing when you’re not feeling great and taking steps to address it is the single most important thing. And that includes seeking professional help if necessary. Not only is there no shame in seeking help, I’d even say that it requires a lot of courage to recognize that our mental state is keeping us from being truly happy. Good luck!

Point four (the relationship) is the hardest point for most guys to achieve. Hobbies, exercise, and a good job ALWAYS need to come before that, which imo is the most important thing people should take away from your comment. I just turned 24 and am in a 2 year dry spell, but it just isn't my focus right now because it can't be, both because of lack of options (dead social scene area I live in) and because I need to focus on work and my budget. It gets hard though because when my only human contact is at work and at MMA, that means I spend over 60% of my time alone.

My MMA instructor once gave us a talk about mindfulness and living in the moment. He mentioned that thinking about the past leads to depression and thinking about the future leads to anxiety and it made a lot of sense to me. That has stuck with me as I try to live in the moment more instead of constantly feeling like I need to retreat cuz I might not have enough time to do something I need/want to do later.

Yup! To add onto that, my favorite ways to practice it are journaling (write a 3-5 things you're grateful for every night or morning) and gratitude meditation. Those practices will at least you get started on learning how to catch negative thoughts and turn more towards gratitude in your normal life.

Ooo ok, step 1: get rid of the toxic people/things in your life. Step 2: learn to love who you are or who you will become. Set goals, improve in any way you want. Step 3: screw anyone who doesn’t like you or is negative to you because YOU love you and that’s all that matters. And always remember that. “Live a every second as you and you’ll have a life worth remembering” good luck friend (:

Happiness is not some kind of euphoric high that never goes away. Being neutral is, by definition, your standard state. Being happy is just anything above that (or if you think about it chemically, it's any time you're in a state where endorphins/dopamine/serotonin is being released in your brain).

Research by Prof. Dan Gilbert has shown that after a year, a person who won the lottery is equally as happy with their life as someone who became a paraplegic. In a way, happiness is a really just a perspective. There is no single thing that anyone can do to make themselves happy.

There are, however, paradigms of things that people can do - find something meaningful and work on it over a long period of time to create an enduring sense of achievement. That achievement makes it easier for you to adopt the perspective of being happy when you analyse your life.

I would consider myself very happy with my life, but I never think about it unless someone asks. I'm too busy doing things that are meaningful to me and achieving goals that I've set for myself. I have never thought to myself "I need to chase happiness". Work towards meaningful goals instead of trying to grapple with the abstract and uncontrollable phantom of happiness.

If you worry about your problems rather than think about solving them, you suffer twice as much.

Heard that somewhere and it stuck.

Also try to live according to the poem “Desiderata”. It may be better know as Strive to Be Happy.

Since there’s no character limit, I’ll post the whole poem

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Take a "birds eye" view of your life. What matters today and what matters every day until the day you die?

Having identified lifetime issues. Pick what seems to be the most important. Set a goal to improve it. Set micro goals that can be accomplished on a weekly basis, or even daily.

Work like a motherfucker.

I'll spare you my life story. But everything has a knock on affect. A messy room might cause a loss in motivation, a loss in motivation might lead to weight gain, weight gain might lead to lack of confidence, lack of confidence might lead to social anxiety, social anxiety might lead to you never wanting to leave your messy room.

Identify the issue, work backwards through the chain of causes and start making changes. Don't set massive, anxiety causing goals. I.E. "I will lose 100 lbs." A goal of that size will mean 2lbs loss each week will feel negligible and eventually your motivation will decrease. Have that 100lb goal but every Monday, tell yourself I will lose 1-2lb's this week, and celebrate it on the following Monday with a non-dietary treat. I.E. cinema, a new item of clothing or something you've been wanting but couldn't justify.

Micro goals are life. I now lead a fairly busy life with a significant other I met along my journey of refinement. Every now and then the apartment get's a bit messy. So I wake up early on the weekend, I'll get straight to work cleaning it room by room and after every room, I reward myself in some way or form. Bedroom:Coffee. Living room:Breakfast. Bathroom:Reddit for 10 minutes. Kitchen:Finished.

I find myself almost every day finding myself with a sense of happiness. Yes there will be lows, otherwise you wouldn't enjoy the highs but every now and then I can contrast back to that 23 year old self where I was 100lbs overweight, living at home, with few friends, few hobbies and wasting a lot of time playing computer games to my now self with a nice apartment, a beautiful girlfriend, many hobbies, a load of new friends and experiencing new things frequently.

Life is a battle. When you are frequently happy, it'll become the baseline and you'll strop recognising happiness. This doesn't mean you need frequent bad days. It just means you need to constantly experiment. Step outside your comfort zone. Try something new that you never thought you'd enjoy. Go somewhere new; it doesn't have to be expensive, a cheap tent and sandwiches and a drive to some country side and walk along a river you've never walked along; you'll likely find beauty and an elevated mood. Never stop fighting the "I can't be bothered" attitude.

I'm going to conclude this long ass comment with a list of recommended reading in order of importance to me:

Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life. Reason - Develop a sense of purpose.

The Chimp Paradox. Reason - Learn to control your emotions and analyse everything before reacting.

Why We Sleep. Reason - Make sleep a priority. It's one of the most powerful tools at our disposal that few understand.

The Power of Habit. Reason - Learn to make change a habit. Give yourself the psychological advantage by making the micro goals a routine.

Are you neutral and dry because that's the person you desire to be, or are you that way to "play it safe?" What about your upbringing contributed to this? Just wanting to clarify a couple of things so I can maybe give some more relevant advice.

For the first time in my life, I can say yes, I am truly happy. My life started turning around the day I met my wife, although she was not responsible for making me happy, she was there as a benchmark to my progress. I was considering killing myself because I had hit an all time low in life. My ex had taken my son back to lie with her in her country and decided not to teach him English. After 5 years of no regular steady job, my finances were in a mess and my plans to start a business seemed seriously derailed. I was distraught and lonely. Internet dating had failed and I had a huge falling out with the ex and her family that looked set to ruin my future with my son. I wrote to them and told them that although I would be keeping on paying the support, I would not be in contact until I could get myself under control. I was so angry and lost.

First, I got contacted by this amazing woman on OKcupid. We started talking and she suggested a really interesting book to read. I ordered a copy immediately and that took the edge off my desire to end it. The day we met, I found out I had a place on a vipassana meditation retreat that started 6 months later, which gave me something to look forward to. As our romance blossomed, I found that the woman I met was more to me in more ways than anyone I had ever met, but also that I was discovering things about myself that surprised me, including my spiritual side and my desire for a quiet, simple life.

The first major turnaround was after about 6 days on my meditation retreat. I had been harbouring so much anger inside that it kept interfering with my practice, but one afternoon, as I was looking out of the window, I had a sensation come across me, like a wipe descending and cleaning away my anger with it. I felt so much tension release in that moment that I knew I had come across something that would help me in life. After the retreat, I continued my practice, up to 2 hours a day for the first year. Seems excessive to a lot of people, but it made a difference. I was still not happy and after a few years I had another depressive period, which passed eventually with a lot more work and meditation.

My now fiancee and I started practising our spiritual side together, through meditation, tantra and getting high and simply massaging each other. I moved to another continent to start my company, but we talk constantly via whatsapp and she will be joining me hopefully in the next year. I proposed to her while we were ecstatically high together and now I find myself married and loving it. My relationships with my family, my friends and even with my ex are better than they have ever been, even if I needed to distance my ex from my life as she was, and is, completely toxic to me.

Meditation changed my brain and it changed my life. It wasn't that I changed as a person, it was that I naturally stopped doing those things that weren't me. I started looking into my motivations without as much defensiveness as I used to have and I learned that a lot of my problems came from a sense of shame that I acquired when I was younger. I would recommend 'Healing the Shame that Binds you' as a good book to start with.

1) Attitude of gratitude. You have way more than many people on this world, try your best to remember and appreciate that. You and I could be dead tomorrow. Or paralyzed. Or have cancer. Or get in a car wreck. Savor the moments.

2) Stop comparing yourself to other people. There is always someone smarter, funnier, and in a better situation than you. If you take a little longer than others to learn, or to get in shape, or to make money, that's O.K.

3) Prioritize your life. If you have problems, don't address them all at once. Take steps to address them little by little and accept it takes time.

4) Get out of the house. Find hobbies, be open to meeting other people. Put yourself in the shoes of other people and learn why they might think the way they do.

I became pretty selfish I guess. I managed to save up a fair bit to take a small break from school and work to really think about myself, my life and where I want it to go. And I'm ready to go back to life now with a 'new' me. I tell my best friend I dress to impress the person in the mirror. I try to be someone I'd be attracted to. The happier I am with myself, whether that be through completing goals, reading a book, working out, watching a movie, going out, etc, I am happier with life. I've really come to enjoy simple things in life such as strolling through a bookstore or walking through a park.

I second those other guys talking about being kind and seeking enjoyment for one self. By being content with myself I am happy. As a result in any nonspecific moment I may feel neutral but overall you could describe me as happy.

I also stopped caring about having an SO in my life. I don't mean to say that I don't want to pursue a relationship just that I'd rather pursue other adventures in life right now. I'd be happy going on a date but I'd also be happy doing anything else. I'm very happy being single and one could argue that I would be happy living like this for many years to come. You could say I just haven't met anyone I really connect with but I'm in no rush.

My answer to this question varies. For me my Joy is a result of my faith. I see things at certain face value according to what I believe in.

Now for most people that arnt Christians... I don’t expect them to have the same beliefs as me. What I see a lot of people do though is replace true happiness with fun. Sure you’re happy when you’re having fun but that’s not true fulfilling joy. It’s like a bandaid on a deeper cut that needs stitches.

You need to figure out what those stitches are, and most people never will figure it out until they stop seeking fun and start seeking fulfillment. Whether that be through faith, or by bettering yourself, accomplishing a long term goal, etc. whatever it is.

Honestly, I don't know. I'm starting to think its genetic. Both my siblings are the content, low stress type but they take it too far and don't really care about anything. I'm the same but have motivation and actually do things with my life. We're all happy people though. I've been accused of having no emotions because I'm extremely hard to upset and always look at the bright side of every situation. My girlfriend gets upset because sometimes it's hard for me to take life seriously even when I really should be. My boss always comments that nothing seems to bother me at work.

Being assertive in life helps. Also finding things that inspire you and pursuing them. This creates a suction force behind you that draws people in and YOU towards whatever it is you're inspired by. My thing lately has been birds. I draw them, study them and take photographs of them. It gives me something to talk about with people and it's one thing that brings me joy.

WELLL IT STARTED WHEN I WAS YOUNG WHEN MY MOM USED TO BEAT ME. I WOULD NEVER GIVE HER THE SATISFACTION OF HITTING ME I WOULD ALWAYS TRY TO SMILE AND SEE HOW MUCH I COULD TAKE. IT BECAME A HABIT TO BE HAPPY IN EVERY SITUATION NO MATTER HOW SHITTY IM SLIGHTLY OFF BUT THATS OKAY. IF IM IN A GOOD MOOD AINT NOTHING GONNA RUIN IT GOTTA BE OPTIMISTIC 24/7 GRIND DONT STOP ALWAYS HAPPY LAUGH WHEN YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO SMILE WHEN YOUR SUFFURING BECAUSE IF YOUR HAPPY YOUR NEVER REALLY SUFFERING

I was generally miserable for a very long time (I was just not doing or around anything made me enjoy my life), then I had my heart broken a bit too hard - and I was just "fuck this, what the hell have I been doing with my life?" so I got my rear in gear and decided to turn my life around. I walked up to the local Laborworks, filled out their thing, and woke up at 4:30 every morning so that I could work my ass off for $11.25/hr so that I could pay for therapy.

After a month I started filling out applications and got hired at Papa Murphy's and Walmart. I worked both of them until I signed up for college, when I left Papa Murpy's, which left me with just CAP2 at Walmart. I work hard, I work great hours, I'm surrounded by awesome people, and I'm well on my way to becoming a super.

So that's how I got happy.

After a month I started filling out applications and got hired at Papa Murphy's and Walmart. I worked both of them until I signed up for college, when I left Papa Murpy's, wich left me with just CAP2 at Walmart. I work hard, I work great hours, I'm surrounded by awesome people, and I'm well on my way to becoming a super.

I try not to think about the negative things that have happened in the past and I try not to think about what will happen in the future or what I have to get done the next day. I want my mind to be focused on the present and the rest will take care of itself. I wouldn't call myself a genuinely happy guy, but its something I'm working towards and imo, your mind being focused on the present is the best way.

Fuck happiness, that's bullshit and doesn't get you out of bed in the morning. Willingly shouldering responsibilities in the furtherance of your life's purpose? That shit will get you out of bed every day and keep you on the right side of the grave.

I made the sacrifices (didn't fool around with sleazy girls, took my education seriously when I needed to), lived a kosher life, keep negative people far and away, and for that, I have a happy home, happy wife, good career, people at work like me, and my work is for the most part not too stressful.

My job is very rewarding. I can see the product of my work and how impactful it is to society. I didn't feel this way when I was in school, guess it took finding something you feel that has purpose to make the difference.

Hey man, I have a fairly nonexistent social life too. I just try to look at each moment I have as a blessing. Step outside- feel the warmth of the sun on your skin. *That's* a gift.

Take a hike through a forest - smell the flowers and the plants. A lot of plants give off an herby scent you'd never expect.

Don't let others bring you down. Some dick spit his gum on my car today - I cleaned it up and put it out of my mind.

Also, I'm not always happy. When someone cuts me off in traffic, I do get angry- and if nobody's in the car with me, I might shout and expletive or two. It's important, though, to recognize when these moments affect you - and to calmly bring yourself back to a neutral point.

Appreciate the small things. Everything will never be wonderful and great all the time, but if you can learn to appreciate things like the feeling a song gives you, the enormous size and shape clouds look sometimes, the funny faces you can make in the mirror, the taste of Ice cream, you’ll becomes the happiest person in the world because everything has the potential to make you happy, and the bad things are merely exceptions. There’s no one as happy as someone who can enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

Primarily it’s a state of mind and acceptance of life as a roller coaster. You will be overall happier when you accept that some times of your life will NOT be happy times. Irony.

As for practical advice - My tops:
No social media (I don’t include Reddit as it’s not really the same)
Get a job that fulfills you (I’d rather make less money than spend 9h per day miserable)
Invest in one friend that truly gets you, that friendship will carry you through tough times.

I’d consider everything else, relationship included, as optional things that may or may not contribute to being happy. Hobbies are good too. :)

This shit changes from day to day and from year to year. I'm in the happiest year I've had in the absolute longest time. Things have just worked out extremely well for me. But behind that was the year where I was at my lowest point and when I decided I wanted to change. I decided to set realistic goals, manage my expectations and just try my hardest to be the best version of myself that I could be. I'm not riding a golden cloud of optimisim every single day, but I'd describe myself as happy. If you asked me two years ago if I thought I would be, I wouldn't have believed you. If you asked me ten years ago I wouldn't have thought I'd be alive.

My happiness depends upon simply not having any contact with humans. I can enjoy their company, but so many are dysfunctional or offensively thick that to guarantee a good day I must completely avoid them.

I go travelling for six months every couple of years and nearly everybody who travels to this place is intelligent and interesting, and after a few months I am able to convince myself that normal people do in fact exist.

Then I watch the news/come home and get reminded that loads of people are completely intolerable cunts.

So if you are searching for happiness, make sure it isn't being made completely unattainable by having contact with human beings.

You are always surrounded by an infinite amount of bullshit in life. The universe is always trying to kill you. People are stupid. The world isn't fair.

BUT, you are also always surrounded by an infinite amount of beauty. The capacity for humans to love each other is awe inspiring. Nature is incredible in all it's majesty. The simplest conveniences of the modern world would be life changing miracles for any single one of your ancestors. Dogs exist.

If you can remember to keep an eye on that second list, and manifest gratitude for what you do have even on your bad days, and truly appreciate the good things in your life, then not only will you be happier in general, you will draw yourself toward more of the good stuff that life has to offer. You won't let it float by you out of your life, when you could have clung to it and had more of it.

I honestly think I'm wired this way and that's a big part of it, my mom is default happy content and I am too. As a kid I always wanted to move to California, everyone knew this about me. I moved here and I always have something to look forward to. No matter what happens I think "I'm in my paradise." I never have a bad day, I wake up early and run along the beach and I try not to take anything for granted. I guess it was a result of choosing what I wanted and getting it. But my mom didn't get much of anything she wanted in life and she's still happy so I still think maybe i'm too optimistic. I remember thinking in high school that I never wanted it to end because I was so happy, same with college, same with now. I get nostalgic of the past because it seemed so nice too. I just have some bullshit happy filter i think. I just want all the parts of life to be longer and i want to enjoy them as much as a can.

What keeps me happy is the realization of how incredibly lucky I am to be alive. Of all the billions of eggs and trillions of sperm that come to nothing every 28 days, somehow the single sperm and egg that created me came together. I am literate and live in a free society in one of the greatest times in human history. That’s like hitting the ultimate lottery twice. And finally, throughout the billions of years the universe has existed, I’m living my incredibly short, improbable life right this moment. How can I be anything but happy and grateful?

Mostly, it switches on when I'm grateful for stuff. Like, a nice crisp Auckland winter morning, clear blue skies, cold enough for a scarf but don't really need gloves, maybe I'm the first one in the car-park and the suburb is just waking up - it's usually a pleasant feeling. The moment happens, I acknowledge/honour/cherish it - whatever, and the either dwell on it some more or release and go back to what I was thinking about, probably work.

The good news is that you get to choose what moments make you happy. It might be a duck waddling by. It might be a toddler falling over. Or it might be a particularly pleasing piece of design.

The trick is to be prepared to catch those moments - be ready for them so they don't rush past without you noticing. You don't need to seek them, or manufacture them. Just allow them the space to arise. The more you notice, the happier you will notice you are in general.

Find a purpose: it does not have to be a grand purpose, it does not have to be an altruistic purpose. But, it does need to be productive in some sense that is meaningful to you. If you don't know what to choose, opt for your best guess, and be ready to change.

Make your best effort to think about what makes you happy. And, your best effort not to be swayed by emotions, short-term temptations, and the opinions of others.

The list of things I actually give a shit are all things I directly control. There's no outside validation. I don't seek approval or permission for everything.

The only time I ever have a yes/no factor in my fun that involve other people is if I'm inviting someone else to my thing. Having a big enough social circle, one or two people canceling usually doesn't kill my thing. Even then I have backup things I can do.

If you want to be truly happy, you have to be entirely immune to peer pressure and shaming. When someone tries one or both of these things, my response to it is a loss of respect for them. I don't respect people who stoop to such pathetic and lowly behavior to manipulate others.

You also need to accept your failures as inevitible. You can take the cynical or rational approach, but you must take one. You're always going to try to make the best decision you can with the information and resources you have on hand. Problem is those things can be inadequate and you not know it. Bam, bad decision!

It helps if you take women off the pedestal too. Just treat them like your dude friends. Once you take out the sex factor, the excusing for poor behavior disappears and you learn to filter out the garbage. Bonus, this also means you're generally only surrounded by good women. Not bonus, you're going to realize that narcissism is more common than literacy. Also, all cheaters are terrible people and should never be trusted or forgiven. Just don't.

Don't spend all your money. Keep enough shelved away to survive a 6 month unemployment spell. Maybe you fall of a ladder? Maybe you get something chronic and need to alter your whole life? Maybe the economy takes a shit and you get benched by the employment market?

Most important. Above all things. The ultimate thing? Establish boundaries and enforce them. Enforce the ever living fuck out of them. You'll never feel like you're abused, neglected or manipulated if you outright don't allow people to put you into situations where that can plausibly happen. Plus, you'll be surrounded by people who respect boundairies.

i can't really explain. but i kind of shut myself out from the world when i was about 22. i tried not to care about anything. I close my eyes and think about wtf we really are. and when i die the energy that makes me will just fade away while the planet hurtles on without me.
then I'll open my eyes and see everyone going about their thing and i just feel better. I'm honestly happy and not worried about a thing. i have found a new gf who is incredible and knows im a little odd. i know i don't need to work too much to sustain my life. i find simple by just thinking in a different way can change everything. when i say don't worry; i mean just that.

I dont think its as much as being happy, but more so finding or doing something to not completely loose your shit. I guess i just tell myself it can always be worse. This past year...and most years for that matter have been a shitstorm of bad. Last August my wife and a bunch of her co-workers got laid off simply from working themselves out of a job. In the past year she has applied to over 100 jobs and gotten only 3 interviews that went no further. she has a college degree as well, granted its not in something very common, but a degree none the less. This put a real hurt on our lives. Im so close to making 6 figures...but thats not shit in northern VA. We are pretty much living paycheck to paycheck just trying to pay off bills and once we get one paid of it seems something else always pops up.

Granted, i put over 1k into my 401k every month which is more than most do, so that hurts. I just know i need to build up as much of a retirement as i can since we both have a lot of health issues and i know they wont just suddenly get better so we'll need all the help we can get when that age comes around.

My wife has needed a couple surgeries on her leg/hip, last december her father passed just before xmas, i have health problems that i constantly need to take off work for to go to different appointments (these all stem from "burn pit poisoning" that i am collecting disability from the VA for). Insurance only pays so much so were on the hook for the rest. Only nice thing is we already hit our out of pocket.

We recently moved closer to my job thinking it would make things better because we were in a really rural area with no job opportunity for her, plus i was driving 91 miles to work 1 way every day. On the contrary, i feel like i lost more than i gained. I got a shorter commute and everything is only a couple minutes away, but thats about it. Ive been miserable because we used to have over 3 acres of land and my own 100 yard shooting range and now i have a tiny ass yard with neighbors right next to us...granted, at least the neighbors are cool. The electric bill is higher, i have a water bill, the mortgage is higher. We were just happy when the realtor told us what we could sell the old house for....turns out he was super wrong. i bought the house for 211k in 2005, we put at least 30k into repairs and upgrades over the years, and all i could get for it was 180 less than i owed on it AND that is counting making an extra payment each year. I did everything i was supposed to do and it still blew up in my face.

I need a new truck soon...probably...dont know how much longer it will last...but im still paying on a car because we needed a new one a couple years ago after totalling it hitting a deer that jumped out in the highway in the middle of the night while we were doing 70.

Found out a couple weeks ago i had a 12mm kidney stone so i had to get the procedure to shatter that so theres another 1k were on the hook for after insurance.

It seriously just feels like 1 thing after another is going wrong and i cant keep up. I think if my wife can get a job again we can at least get a handle on the debt and get back to a comfortable spot, but just not being able to provide enough for both of us is a shitty feeling itself.

Still, i just try to stay positive and think...well it could be worse. last December i weighed 212lbs (im 5' 11"). it was my heaviest and i figured i needed to turn it around. I hate running...honestly the last thing id ever want to do, so i figured id do it diet alone, so its been slow. I cut out all sugary drinks and sodas and really cut back on carbs and i float around 185-188. i kinda hit a plateau but id like to at least get under 180 and lose more of this gut. That alone has given me some motivation as well since i can wear clothes that actually fit me which feels nice. Also, when my father-in-law passed, he was a big woodworker and left me any of his tools that i wanted. So every now and then i make something.

I guess thats my advice. Im nowhere near what i would consider happy...im closer to miserable actually...but i just find something that keeps me from being self destructive. I havnt started doing drugs, i dont drink any more than i used to. i havnt turned my diet around and become a glutton again. I dont try and kill myself. I just get up and go to work, come home and do it all over. Routines are boring but they help provide some sort of stability.

Have a really bad medical condition that ruins you financially, gives you chronic pain and disability where your wife leaves you, you can't enjoy your hobbies anymore and you lose your job because you can't do it anymore.

You are making broad generalizations and completely ignoring brain chemistry. I am inherently wired to be happy, and even when I am a little sad, it's like slightly less happy. Whereas other people need medical help to get to where my brain is normally at.