Ugochi

Dangers Of Couples Keeping Separate Rooms

I often hear husbands say “my room” and I have heard wives say in “my room” and I have never understood this; a husband and wife keeping separate bedrooms. I remember one woman telling me that she is so glad she has her own room, so that when she does not feel up to “it” she locks herself in her room to enjoy some peace and quiet. Another man says his wife had to have her own room so that she can sleep there when he wants her to, especially when she is on her period, or when he feels like being by himself.

I just do not get it.

Some women say the room is their box room while some say men say it is their study; yet they have beds or mattresses in it and often use it as escape for when they do not want to “see” their spouses. Box rooms should be used strictly as box rooms, with no puns intended, same thing for rooms used as study.

I believe a husband and wife should have ONE bedroom, no rooms for escape or/and avoidance… When couples have separate bedrooms it makes room for so many things.

– They are tempted to run into their rooms, box rooms or studies when they do not want to talk to their spouses.

– They are tempted to use it as escape from having sexual intimacy with their spouses.

– It really does not encourage dialogue and the much needed communication in marriage.

– It can lead to walls being built when trends like these continue.

– It encourages secrecy, which is very destructive for marriages.

– I believe it is not supportive of the oneness that God intends for a husband and wife.

Wherefore they are no more twain, but oneflesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man (or room) put asunder. Matthew 19:6 Insertion is mine

No matter how wealthy a couple is and how big their house, I do not believe they should subscribe to having separate rooms. It may seem to be okay at first, their intentions might be pure, but we all know how the enemy can utilize every window of opportunity given him.

Neither give place to the devil Ephesians 4: 27

A little suggestion here and a little whispering there, “just walk out and sleep in your study… or “why don’t you leave him and go sleep in your room, if he wants you then let him come begging…” And before long it becomes a regular thing, subtly building up walls, destroying intimacy and tearing couples apart. I have seen this happen, so I can say it is not a good thing.

Do you keep separate rooms in your marriage? How does it work for you? Have you experienced the dangers involved? Is it something you might ever consider doing?

16 Comments

When I was a child my grandparents had separate bedrooms. I always thought it was really odd. I don’t know if it was “their” generation or what. My parents had separate bedrooms for awhile after my dad had some serious surgery. My mom was afraid to sleep in the same bed with him, lol!

I have a bad back and it has flared up a few times. When I was ordered on bed rest those times I slept on the couch. It has better back support than the bed, because on the couch you can sleep on your side and rest your back against the back of the couch. Plus, I was in pain and tossing and turning and I think it would have made it hard for my hubby to sleep! 😉 Thanks for linking up to Making Your Home Sing Monday!

So sorry about your back, I trust that it so much better now. This is a very special situation, but I would try to get a couch into my bedroom under this circumstance. It was my pleasure linking up, thanks for coming by and have a super blessed week! Love

There was a time early in my marriage when I would find myself going to sleep in another room during the night because my hubby snored. And when I say, “snored” – that’s an understatement! ha! But I really feel like that took a toll on our marriage over time. Thankfully my husband had a sleep study done and found out he had sleep apnea, so he’s been using a c-pap at night ever since. And because of that, I can sleep happily, undisturbed next to him. Ugochi, you always find such interesting and unique (to the blogging world) topics to address here. And yet, this topic is one many of us can relate to and need to be challenged in! Thanks so much, my friend!

We do not have seperate rooms our room is our couples cave if you know what I mean. Even my daughter knows that’s once it’s 7pm she is in her room tugged in her bed till the next morning. I never understand couples with different rooms.

I believe this is God’s intent, we should not allow trends affect us and our good judgement. If any one needs a get away from their spouse, something is fundamentally wrong. This is different only if for instance you step out of the room to read or pray and then come back to bed with your spouse.

I so agree. However for some reason my husband has often stated he would like his own getaway room yet he loves being with me? Not sure why? Its funny cause he always wanted a shop to go hang out in and do wood working & watch tv yet he hardly ever went out there. Now we no longer have that house and he doesn’t miss it lol Go figure.

I agree with you. I think if a couple is using separate (bed)rooms as opposed to talking to each other or even being with each other, there is a problem and they really need to talk to each other about it. It’s too easy not to do with separate rooms.

I needed that lesson myself in the worst way. One time, after the birth of our first child, I became so angry at my husband that I left the apartment in which we were living and drove to a nearby park to ‘chill out’ in nature. Walking towards a stream, I slipped down a hill and wound up breaking both bones in my forearm just above the wrist. Then I had to drive myself to the hospital. How much pain (physical and emotional) could I have avoided if I had just ‘counted to ten’ then discussed whatever it was (because I sure don’t remember what the problem was) with my husband?

Very true LuAnn, talking with each other for most couples usually happens just before bedtime. How can this then happen when everyone both of them retire to their rooms? And when anger is present, it causes even physical damage like your story. I bet if I think long enough I would remember something similar to share.

We do not have separate rooms for many of the reasons you listed. The biggest being that we don’t want to be separated. I think it’s good to be able to have time alone and have a place to be alone, but that can be a shared room. I crave alone time and I’ll go in our room and read. My husband understands that I need this time and he leaves me alone. But then we come back together and share our room.

We don’t want to be separated too Allison! Unfortunately most couples fail to realize that it happens one moment at a time… Of course we all find time alone but this is quite different from having separate rooms. We all have to be mindful of “little” harmful things. Thanks a lot Allison for coming by, do have a super blessed week! Love

This is truly a word from God Ugochi. The enemy comes to destroy and this is one way. He’s on a rampage because his time is short. God blessed Holy Matrimony because that’s the way it should be, it’s his Holy Word and that no man should come between what he has joined, but what about living conditions or items? It’s such a small step…. Moving to another room but can have everlasting damaging results. We also tend to put items and other people before our spouse. Thank you for this reminder and for your dedication to God. You help out so many, and didn’t our Lord say go forth and spread the gospel and you my friend are doing the Fathers business. Someday he will look at you and say good job my loyal servant. Xo

Amen Mom Joan! I am so glad to see you come by here and leave this huge encouragement! Small steps we call them but with potential everlasting damaging results like you have said. I appreciate you mom, have a super blessed week! Love