Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Day 83- Why I Can't Make A Decision

Within this blog I am writing out the
self-forgiveness statements to understand and release myself from the
approval-seeking character, which manifests indecisiveness, frustration, second
guessing myself, and making decisions that I can’t stand by in my life.

In the blogs to follow, I will take
apart this point with the tool of self-forgiveness, in order to understand it
so that I can stop participating in this character and eventually stop, and
change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have
created and manifested myself as an approval-seeking character throughout my
life as a way of ‘getting out of’ making my own decisions, and not having to
take responsibility for the decisions I end up making, wherein, they are not my decisions, but rather the decisions of
the majority of people whom I’ve talked to about them.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize
that, in order to be the directive principle within my own life, I have to make
my own decisions based in/as self-honesty and practical common-sense in
alignment with what’s best for all and what’s best for myself as all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
abdicate my decision making power to others outside of me, by seeking
validation and approval for who I am and what I choose to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
separate myself from others by thinking/believing /perceiving that I require validation/approval
to do and be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to grow frustrated
within myself because I blame myself for not being able to make clear decisions
that I can stand by/within, because I haven’t realized that I am giving my decision-making
power away by making my decisions contingent on which I think/believe have the
greatest approval from the most important/majority of people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame
others when I make decisions that don’t work out or that I can’t stand by
because I consciously or subconsciously believed they were responsible due to
the fact that I made the decision contingent upon what I thought would gain
their approval, or what they appeared to consider valid.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take
credit for decisions that worked out, knowing that I was not entirely
responsible for the decision, thus conning myself about Who I Really Am, and
CONvincing myself that I am something that I’m not, thus setting myself up to
exist within and as the FEAR that I will be found out, instead of realizing
only I can ‘find me out’ and call myself out in order to stop and give myself
back my power to make clear decision that I can test out for myself, take
complete responsibility for and stand by.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to talk
about my choices/decision with others form a starting point of trying to
CONvince them that the choice I want to make is the right choice, and secretly
trying to get them to agree with me, thus validate/approve of my choice so that
I can appease myself within the belief that ‘it is the right choice because
another has validated/approved of it for me.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not
give myself the power/courage to make my own choices.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
think/believe/perceive that I am incapable of making the ‘right’ decision,
instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ decision,
only decisions that are in alignment with what is best for me as all, and those
that are not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear
making decisions, for fear that they will turn out poorly, and I will be ‘proven’
and ‘confirmed’ that I do not knowwhat’s
best for me, or that I cannot stick by and stand within the decisions I make.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek
approval and validation for my decisions from a starting point of laziness and
non-commitment, wherein, if I gain validation and approval, then I don’t have
to face the fact that I was lazy or didn’t apply myself to commit to the
decision, because then I can just use the excuse that ‘they’ were wrong and ‘that’s
why it didn’t work out.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist
within and as laziness within the excuse that ‘making decisions work out is
hard’, and then not really making any decisions or commitments because that is
the easy thing to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not
commit to decisions because of the fear that they will fail and because it’s
easier to sabotage myself and make the decision fail because at least then I
feel like I have control and it was my will, instead of trying and then
failing- because then I would feel like I didn’t have control.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
want/need/desire to experience myself as ‘in control’ by manipulating the
outcomes of decisions through self-sabotage.

1 comment:

About Me

Hi, my name is Kimberly Kline (nee Doubt). I stand for an Equal Money System- I stand for a dignified life for all beings and I will no longer accept or allow this system of human greed and self-interest that is causing suffering, starvation and abuse for the masses. Every 'solution' we have tried so far has failed- from the United Nations to the United Church. Individual self-change and leadership by example is where it's at. I humbly commit myself to this process and invite anyone who has respect for Life to join me and walk with me, beside me, as self-willed equals, until all are free from the global compromise humanity has created for itself.
Join Desteni for further discussions about world systems and humanity's place within them. Visit Desteni.org and Equalmoney.org.