SFX Spurious Awards

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Wookiees on squirrel-back, rock stars geeking out and loads more in our weekly awards

DOCTOR WHO FAN FICTION WE’D ACTUALLY LIKE TO READ OF THE WEEK Cross-dressing Manic Street Preachers bassist/hoover enthusiast Nicky Wire inspired a spasm of excitement this week, after blogging that he was trying his hand at writing a Doctor Who script entitled “Do Not Go Gently” – just for shits and giggles, you understand. Shockingly it’s all about a Welsh bloke... “The idea is centred around Dylan Thomas’s last days in New York”, Wire explained. “Of course it’s going to have a massive f**king monster in it too.” We look forward to future efforts: “If You Tolerate This, Your Slitheen Will Be Next” or “The Motorcycle Emptiness Child”, maybe?

INSANE STAR WARS ART OF THE WEEK Ever wanted to see Chewbacca astride a giant squirrel, attacking some Nazis? We dream of it nightly. Thanks to artist Tyler Edlin for making it a beautiful reality.

SEXING-UP OF AN ANTIQUES SHOW OF THE WEEK Dunno about you, but the only times we perk up during The Antiques Roadshow are when some smuggo who thought they’d got something valuable discovers it was actually made in Taiwan. We now have a second reason to watch: Fiona Bruce donning a genuine Emma Peel catsuit from The Avengers .

“IF WE WERE BILLIONAIRES...” MERCHANDISE OF THE WEEK Got $24,500 dollars (roughly £15,905) burning a hole in your pocket? Then why not buy this six-foot high, remote-control, animatronic replica of the robot from Lost In Space , featuring 511 pre-recorded phrases performed by the original voice artist? You know, they could probably have made an entire series for that...

PARTY TRICK OF THE WEEK The vampires in True Blood have many special abilities, but here’s the one we’re really jealous of now, after Franklin demonstrated it last week: they can text the word “motherf**ker” really, really fast... WARNING! The following video contains spoilers for season three!

KITCHENWEAR OF THE WEEK Why oh why hasn’t this been done before? It's a kitchen glove modelled after the space worm from The Empire Strikes Back , with a tiny Millennium Falcon in its mouth, revealed when you move your thumb and fingers apart. We spotted this at Comic-Con, and begged the stallholder to let us have one, but they only had a sample. Apparently they’ll be available later this year from these guys . May the sauce be with you…

HORROR-REFERENCING ROCK VIDEO OF THE WEEK Whether or not you liked The Pretenders’ music it was almost impossible not to like Chrissie Hynde, with her husky voice and rock chick fringe. She proved her geek credentials years back in the video for her old band’s song “Don’t Get Me Wrong” , which had a whole Avengers vibe going on (in which she looks like she could have made a fab Mrs Peel… much better than Uma Thurman anyway). Now she’s back with her new band, JP, Chrissie & The Fairground Boys, a new single, “If You Let Me”, and a video that’s based on Let The Right One In . Way to go, girl!