Friday, May 04, 2012

As comical as I find the latest shenanigan involving duh Mayor of Toronto, the underlying story that Star reporter Daniel Dale was researching when he was mugged by duh Mayor (what else would you call it when some bellowing thug runs up to you in a public park, threatens to punch you and demands you hand over your cell phone?) is one worthy of a closer look in that it says so much about Rob Ford's outlook on life.
In a nutshell, duh Mayor wants to buy a piece of public parkland adjacent to his house, claiming he wants it so that his kids have more room to play.
Heaven forfend that duh Mayor's kids should have to rub elbows with the other kids in the neighbourhood by playing in a public park. Buying the scrap of land in front of the community centre will mean more room for the the Ford children to play, but it will also mean less room for all the other kids in the neighbourhood to play in the public park.

How very Ford Nation of the duh Mayor.
Maybe he can have the local buses cancelled so that his kid's street hockey games aren't disturbed, too.

As an aside, I'm a bit surprised at the lack of quick thinking on the part of Star reporter Daniel Dale. Rob Ford is literally twice Dale's size and had it come to fisticuffs, Dale could have been in considerable trouble, but I strongly suspect he could have just run laps around the park until duh Mayor collapsed breathless. Well, okay half a lap.
To shriek "please don't eat hit me" and surrender the tools of the trade at the cocking of a fist the way he did makes us all look bad. Daniel, if you had just taken the punch like a real old-time newspaperman, not only would you never be allowed to buy another drink in downtown Toronto, but the cops would have been forced to arrest Rob Ford and you'd probably own that nice house of his and the adjacent parkland by the end of the year.
At the very least, I hope this incident has convinced Dale of the merits of keeping a can of bear repellant in the old reporter's kit bag, right next to the first aid kit and the extra batteries.

They should teach remedial self-defense or boxing in j-schools. You'd think people who run the risk of getting bumped, jostled, or pushed around might take some time to learn how to not pee in fright. I'm just saying I would. Hell, I practice boxing and that's just to make me safer at the groceteria.

Your idea is good though, just jog away from Ford for 10-20 seconds and let him gas out. Then take a picture.

I know I shouldn't mock someone in fear for their life, but jettisoning the tools of your trade reminds me too much of the kid who catches the football, screams, and then throws it up in the air before being tackled (see: Every movie ever).

WWHSTD would have come back with a shotgun, fireworks, and a flaming bag of dog shit. And mescaline. At least he would in my imaginary incarnation of him. Great tattoo idea, especially the STD part.