Where are the Young People?

Since being back in NYC, for the last week and a half, I have gone to a different church every day for Daily Mass.

And as much as I wish I could say I was 100% going for faith and spiritual purposes, I would be lying if I didn’t say that 62% of my reason for attendance was because I am…#HusbandHunting.

Some women lunch down on Wall Street in the hopes of meeting Mr. Right. Some women attend daily mass. Po-ta-to, Po-tah-to.

Don’t judge me, but I go full hair and makeup in the hopes of fortuitously bumping into the future Mr. BBB. Not that I don’t trust God’s plan and timing, but let’s just say…I’m giving Him a little help. Trying to speed up the process, if you will.

But it’s actually been a really interesting exercise to go to all these different churches in all these different neighborhood around the city.

I’ve been in, of course, St. Patrick’s cathedral, where I was dodging tourists taking photos on their iPads.

I’ve been in sleepy chapels with only 3 other people. I’ve been in Spanish speaking masses where they sell homemade empanadas outside on the sidewalk afterwards. Even one where the song books were written in Chinese! (I wish I would have taken a picture!) Uptown. Downtown. Midtown. Brooklyn.

And no matter where I went, there was one, glaringly obvious similarity…

There were no young people.

Nope. Not a single under-30 to be found. With the exception of one couple I saw that were clearly in a relationship, all the other people in the pews were either geriatric, or recipients of AARP magazine. (And no offense to either of these wonderful groups of people. I love ya, but this girl’s lookin’ for a husband, here!)

But after the end of the second week of, again, being the youngest in the room by an easy 20 years, I was feeling very discouraged. I sat there in the pew, looking up at the crucifix and seeing Jesus literally hanging there, it made me really sad to think that here’s this incredible gift that He gave us, and nobody flippin’ cares.

The pews were empty.

And listen, I’m not some holier-than-thou exemption either. Sitting there in my high heels and lipstick, my attendance clearly had ulterior motives.

But the emptiness was definitely alarming.

And I get it, just because you don’t go to church doesn’t mean you don’t love Jesus. That’s not my point here either. But it just saddened me to see church attendance literally on life support.

Is this it? Have we finally reached that moment where Christianity has become obsolete, minus a handful of out-of-touch “bible bangers” who don’t know the difference between Kanye and Kenya?

Have we finally reached the moment where Christianity has become irrelevant?

The answer: Faith is needed now more than ever.

Yeah, sure, it may be more interesting to sit around on our iPhones and read about the latest sexual abuse allegation on Twitter. Or watch Instagram Stories from your friends, or scrutinize Kylie Jenner’s snapchats and whether or not she has a baby bump.

Sure. Those things are definitely technological luxuries of the time, but the fact is, we need to pray for this broken world.

We need to pray for those empty seats.

We need to ask Jesus to help those who are hurting and to move in the hearts of those who could be filling those empty pews.

But here’s the truth of the matter: we need to be Jesus’ hands and feet here on Earth.

And that doesn’t necessarily mean going out and evangelizing on the street corners and handing out your church’s business cards at the water cooler. Although, that would be great if you did.

It starts in the way you treat people.

Are we living with compassion and empathy? Are we creating a welcoming environment for those who may be at church for the first time?

Are we making faith attractive, or is it more of an exclusive club with lofty prerequisites and impossible standards.

If we want those seats to be full, we need to make it a place people want to be.

I’ll be going to mass here again in a little while. And tonight, I’ll be praying for those empty seats. For the conversion of hearts. For the hurting in our world.

May I be a source of hope in this dark world. May I make His gospel seem inviting.

And may I find a freakin’ husband.

***Thank you to everyone who has ordered my books, Bloom: A Journal by BeautyBeyondBones and “My Blogging Tips“***

Outstanding post Caralyn! Thank you for this. I especially love the question of how are we living. BTW I don’t know anything about them, but I’ve heard of on line dating services, Christian ones, and a Catholic one too! Praying for you.

While I agree that empty pees are an issue faith is in a persons heart not where they sit. So what’s needed is a way for them to hear the gospel outside of church proper. Now there is a ministry for some talented creative young lady I am aware of. Good blog though always enjoy John

Great post! The devil has done its job of keeping His people out of the faith whether Catholic or Protestant. I really hope He will bring your husband to you. Christianity will never be obsolete in my view but in due time, the devil will be. 👍🏻✝️✡️

“And may I find a freakin’ husband!” 🤣🤣 Im in the same boat girlfriend! Turned 30 this year and sometimes wonder where are the good, single, Christian men in this world? They can’t ALL be married!!!! Haha!

Your posts are inspiring and always relevant! You inspire me to want to write better, and figure out ways to be more relatable and relevant in this scary, toxic world. You are beautiful and loved!!!!!!

A long time ago there was a book (and movie) entitled Looking for Mr, Goodbar. The book was about a good Catholic girl who frequented discos and single bars looking for excitement. Instead of Looking for Mr. Good Church, perhaps you should find a church the speaks to your needs and get involved. Mr. Good Church may not attend mass daily but may be actively involved with a youth ministry or the finance committee or the Knights. You do, however, make an excellent point: why are our churches filled with people cramming for finals?

First, “Not that I don’t trust God’s plan and timing, but let’s just say…I’m giving Him a little help.” You do know the story of the flood and the man on the roof, right?

Next, I don’t know what it’s like in NYC, but here the daily masses occur when I’m at work. Several of the churches here offer singles nights. They’re not masses but gatherings for other Catholics, light food, music, and a chance to meet other singles. If you don’t find one, maybe start one?

Hi friend! Thank you for this thoughtful response. That’s a really great point. The masses are actually after work at five or 530 but still. That is actually what my dad told me about most young guys being at work! But great idea on the singles night! Will look into that! Hugs and love XOXO

I really feel that this issue is unfortunately somewhat about denomination. Catholicism is something I’ve seen a lot of “young people” subscribe to. But most of the time those people I’ve seen do not attend church at all (kudos to you for attending!).
The same with Southern Baptists. My family is Southern Baptist and I have visited their old church (even though I am Nondenominational and am a member of a Nondenominational church). Every baptist church I’ve been to has a huge attendance gap between the teens and the 40+ year olds. No young adults at all. And I live in Louisiana, THE BIBLE BELT.
I think that some churches and/or denominations don’t do a great job of helping young people understand the need for God AND the need for the family of brothers and sisters that we get from attending a church.
The church I am a member of is very in love with God but also has a wide range of ages and races that attend. It’s one of only two churches in our area that are like that. It is very ALIVE and unashamed of the gospel! We love it! I pray you get connected to that kind of community!

Hi Caitlin! Thank you so much for this thoughtful response. I’m so glad that you found a church that works for you! I think you’re right about all faiths having somewhat of a lag and young adult attendance. I will just have to keep looking! And thank you for your prayers you’re awesome! Hugs and love XOXO

My Dear BBB, This is a wonderful post and I agree with all except your “needing” to search for a husband. I am not being unkind here. However, I am a member of AARP and maybe you would consider me a geriatric !! I am speaking to you from my heart with love; and a bit of wisdom.

I remember the days many years ago where I was in the “needy” place and desperately wanted a man in my life. I got one who wanted everything his way, was kind of controlling and ended up 5 years later having an affair with the neighbor across the street. We divorced.

Eventually I decided to move to Ireland for a couple years to have the experience of living abroad in a different culture. After several months I met an Irishman and we dated awhile. He said I was the one he was looking for. We got married. Long story, but after 12 years (the last 9 or 10 only living together, no real communication) and I realized he was seeing someone else! It was time to move on. As there was no divorce in Ireland, I returned to the US and got the divorce here.

I finally found myself and the comfort and joy and peace within myself. Early on when I would go out with friends I would see older women in bars/pubs who were so obviously looking for a man. You could feel the neediness in them.

On the spiritual side, how many times do we say we believe in God, we ask him for what we want, but when we don’t get it in OUR time frame we start trying to “help it along” as if God needs help!!! When we do that we may get what we “think” we want, but then it doesn’t turn out so well. Only when we totally surrender our lives to Him, loving Him knowing that He loves us more than anyone else can and in HIS TIME we will have his very BEST for us.

So BBB, trust Him and know He will send the Best man for you. It may not be in church, it could be anywhere. Wherever it will be, it will be when you least expect it.

Hi Ann, thank you so much for this thoughtful and honest encouragement. I️ hope you didn’t take offense at my playful remarks…they were all in good fun. In fact, the best people I️ know are all AARP members 🙂 thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through those things. You’re so right – we can trust Him becaus eHe has the best plan. Thank you for your prayers. Sending big hugs xox

Heavens no I take no offense by your remarks re AARP and geriatrics 🙂 I may be older than 50, but I don’t feel like it nor think of myself as older 🙂
Don’t feel sorry for me having gone through tough times in my life because they have made me stronger and who I am today. I am very blessed.

From my experience they’re plenty of young Christians out there, it’s just some aren’t going to Church, especially the denominational churches. Here in Annapolis, MD the Non-Denominational Churches have a lot young crowds but the denominational churches I’ve attended have maybe 1 or two couples of young people. One church the youngest man there was in his 50’s!

Many Churches want to blame the younger Generation but interestingly in a survey the # 1 thing young Christians want in a church is for it to resemble Jesus’ teaching. So if that’s the reason and they aren’t coming to churches, it might be time for self-reflection for some of the older churches.

Remember, you are a Lamborghini Aventador Roadster in a parking lot full of Kias. Like the other person says, you won’t be out there too long. This is just another test. You’ll pass it just fine. If you were to see yourself as the world, specifically men, see you – you’d be downright cocky about it. You are doing THEM the favor. Believe me. Right now, as I write this there’s some poor guy who is perfect for you sitting there thinking “where is she?” – No worries, God will put you two together. But hang in and pass the test. I know you will.
XOXO

Hopefully, this won’t offend anyone but the heavy-handed “make you feel guilty and give us money to repent” approach most churches use may have caught up with them. The older folk who were brought up that way may still buy it, but manyvinsubsequent generations including my own (I’m 46) have not. Good luck! I’m sure everything will turn out fine.

Feeling your pain, girl. I had a hard time finding someone back in the 90s, and there are way less Christians in your generation. I don’t know how exclusively catholic you are, but if you’re not, I know Tim Keller’s presbyterian churches in NYC have tons of young people. He targets them. Bless your search. Don’t settle! Wait for someone who really loves God.

I met my wife on a church retreat. We were on opposite euchre teams and we were very competitive. I wasn’t looking for a relationship – having come off obe where I was just burned. Just was looking for a good time. I didn’t pay that much attention to her rest of retreat – not more than snyone else anyway. An innocent phone call a couple days after retreat turned into a 4 hour phone conversation, a series of consecutive dates – Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Easter vigil masses together cemented the growing bond. We are 6 months shy of 20 years anniversary of that retreat – yet feels like yesterday too. Do they play euchre in Ohio? I know its definitely a Michigan game. Being a NYer growing up playing italian cards with grandpa, I quickly picked up on the game that retreat weekend. So I’m thankful to the Lord for bringing us together in faith that weekend, and to my grandpa for training me at playing card games.

Let it come naturally. Show your true self and not a false front. The old geezers st the churches you visited are noticing the pretty young lady and telling their grandsons they should go to church with them.

Hi Joe! thank you so much for sharing your story! what a beautiful love story you have with your wife! and wow – 20 years! that’s awesome. congratulations! thanks for the great advice 🙂 i’ll definitely have to keep an eye out for a good retreat! Hugs and love xox

I’m guilty of not going to church, well I’m 37… don’t know if that counts as young, but it’s mostly due to working in retail and having to work Sunday mornings but for me anyway church isn’t my thing..
Every once in a while I’ll go though. I don’t want it to be forced either.

Anyway you’ll find someone when the time is right. Patience is key and you don’t want to rush things as well. It’s not like picking out a car and 5 years later you want to trade it in to get a different one because it wasn’t what you really wanted.

Ahh, it’s so true… millennials are not going to church! I’ll tell you my story with.finding a Catholic husband. I had just gotten over a really bad breakup, one where I was left not really loving myself. During my mourning period, I read Left to Tell by Immaculée Ilibagiza. If you haven’t read it, it is an amazing book and I wont’ ruin it for you, but she talks about how since she had trusted in God to help her hide from people trying to kill her, she was like – why not… let me ask God for a husband? And she she starts to pray for specific characteristics she wanted in a husband, and she ended up getting in a husband exactly what she asked for. I found it so inspiring that I thought, let me try this.. let me put this in God’s hands and do exactly what Immaculée did. I prayed, asked for specific characteristics, and I think this is key – found myself trusting it would happen because… ask and you shall receive right? I met my future husband a few months down the road, and we’ve been married for 7 years (together for 10).

Sorry, that was a little long, but read the book if you haven’t.. and I’m proof that praying to God for a husband does work. Just you wait, he’s got a perfect one lined up for you 🙂

Do you have a Harvest Church near you? If you listen to Christian radio, James MacDonald of Walk in the Word, is the founder of the Harvest Churches. They are really dynamic and stick to the word of God. I know they are all over the Country. Millennials are flocking to these Churches because they are preaching God’s word, unashamedly and their music appeals to this group too. Most Harvest Bible Church’s have college aged ministries and small group ministries too. Just thought I’d add my two cents. 😉 I pray you find a good man who loves God and knows how to love a woman.

You ever notice that? Communion allows our souls to show but love, requires the song and dance. Hence. The absence of younger people in church. It’s too real. You are always yourself but in youth, it is better to be someone else. This someone else, spends that youth trying to find themselves. We have that flaw for seeking comfort. The uptick in narcissism is blamed on millennials but the majority of excess spending is done by baby boomers and millennials. Both seem to have that knack for buying specialness. I’m kind of happy that those that arrive at church are not this way. Sure? The financial support may be missing but the moral support is not, faked.

With me it was not so much Daily Mass (because my work schedule doesn’t allow for that) but more just finding a community of young adults. Not for the sake of finding “the one” even if I’m still single, but for the sake of just having a community of people of the same faith at the same stage of life in the same city!!!

That stuff can be found, including in Catholic circles. But you/I/we just need to look in the right places.

One thing I found was this resource: http://catholicnyc.com/young-adult-groups/. This resource was helpful in helping me find a Young Adults Group near where I work in Lower Manhattan. I don’t know if a young adult group is something you want or even something you’ve thought about, but if that interests you the link I provided may be a good place to start.

I also recommend Catholic NYC, which is without a doubt geared towards Catholic Young Adults in New York. I can’t speak to the quality of the Catholic NYC App as I’m not really into adding apps on my phone, but I subscribe to their e-mails and they help keep me really updated on what’s going on!!! Here is Catholic NYC: http://catholicnyc.com/

I know I just dumped a ton of information on you! But hopefully some of this will be helpful as you go through the same struggle I went through, in finding a community of young adults of the same faith in the same city.

Also, one other thing I should add. If you’re looking for Masses with young adults at them, you’ll find lots of them at the monthly Young Adult Masses at St. Patrick’s Cathedral!!! Here’s the link for the Facebook event for the Mass next month. Still not once a day…but seeing lots of young adults of faith once a month is still waaaaay better than never!!! https://www.facebook.com/events/180787699164875/

While Jesus telling me to, and then making it happen, was the leading reason for me to move to Redding, a practical reason was the same as your 62%! After 28 years of failing to find her in Eugene-field, my wife was obviously not there! Maybe here.

I think it is somewhat of a denomination problem, Catholicism just isn’t very appealing to most people our age (25 for me). Most of the Catholics I know don’t attend church at all.
I’m just a plain Protestant. But we do still struggle to bring in people who aren’t 40+. Last Sunday we had four people under 40, two of those were the pastor’s sons.
I think it’s a problem of message. The world has become very good at their propaganda against Christianity. This world is looking for love, and the world has convinced them that God isn’t love, so they don’t bother looking towards God.
Also, the church needs to be the church. Many of the younger people only see people attending church on Sunday and that’s it. We’re called to get out there, to do good works and be fruitful. I’m guilty of being part of this problem, I wasn’t fruitful for a long time and with God’s help I’m finally starting to fix that. I’m not saying works will save us, grace is the only thing that saves us, but we need to be fruitful. we need to be that shining city on a hill.
I think piece by piece we can begin to change that through prayer/faith/being willing to do His will, but it’s gonna be a long process and it’s gotta be done one person at a time most of the time.

You know I love you and pull no punches. Why are you so obsessed with finding a husband? You are sounding needy, which is not like you. Don’t make it a hunt, let it happen on its own, because it will. As far as empty pews go, all the different religious sectors have done a lousy job in attracting young people. They have not made themselves relevant to that age group. It’s not Satan who is keeping people away from churches, it’s the churches themselves. The Baptists recently voted out one if their oldest churches because that church hired a female pastor. Until all churches and religious sectors realize their old rigid rules don’t work for today, attendance will continue to drop. By the way, my son is 42 and a bachelor. Interested? Hugs & Love, xoxo <3

With female pastors, what about 1Timothy2:12?
Honest question. There’s a lot of pressure on the churches to change lots of things nowadays, but truth can not be changed and for the church to change things we know to be truth would be denying God.

That’s not what I said Walt.
I asked what about that verse regarding women teaching men.
I said there are some things that we regard as truth that cannot be changed, I didn’t specify women not being pastors as one of those truths. One of the truths that cannot be changed would be Jesus being the only Way, for example. I honestly don’t know about female pastors, I haven’t done much study about it.

I just lost two paragraphs of my comments which tells this 55yo, I’d probably better just get to the gist of my thoughts. “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22) Note: HE WILL FIND YOU right in the midst of your everyday life and activities … but don’t rush the preparation God is doing in both of you because it seldom works out well.

A thought to consider also: your strong desire for a mate can blind you to very important characteristics that are hard to see when you are most likely working from your own mental checklist. RELAX–MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW–[Once again, in my church voice: Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life. (Proverbs 13:12)] Trust me when I tell you that pursuing your dreams are part of the process of building your character so that you are attractive to your God-selected husband on a level deeper than your outer adornments and beauty.

BOTTOM LINE: God doesn’t need your help — you’ll only get in His way!

On the other note – PRAY TO BE LED TO A CHURCH WHERE YOU CAN LEARN and FELLOWSHIP … not shop for a mate. Without getting too preachy, the best person to encourage a young person to attend church is ANOTHER YOUNG PERSON WHO IS ATTENDING CHURCH! Find a “church home” and mingle and learn. I attend a baptist church with a mixed congregation and we older folks have learned to seek the counsel of the younger ones in developing and planning social events specific to their age and interests. Learning to communicate across the multiple generations has been a lesson that has been beneficial and we are learning about each other’s hierarchy of need and how they differ from one generation to the next.

IN THE END — God is working his plan and the last thing he wants, and the last thing you need, is anyone or anything getting in the way of God’s perfect plan for BBB – because God’s Word is true–you just have trust God’s process:

Jeremiah 29:11 (KJV) – “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

Hi Ms. Wanda, wow, thank you so much for this thoughtful response. i’m sorry you lost 2 paragraphs! you’re so right, I think I’m only getting in God’s way! i need to just let go of trying to control everything! Hugs and love xox

Appreciate your perspective on the emptiness of the pews. There is certainly a growing exodus from the church as a whole, but let me give you some encouragement as a pastor who has been in the middle of helping Millennials find faith in what seems like a desolate landscape.
The truth is that church is going through a revolution and the mainstream approach of going, sitting, receiving, leaving, and repeat is leading to beautiful, historic sanctuaries looking emptier and emptier. Growing and thriving churches, particularly the ones you are looking for with a community of young adults (and Christ-focused men) are active in their communities, filled with life-group models, exploring contemporary worship, and opening up to the supernatural portions of scripture we see in the New Testament. I coach a lot of Millennials who are in faith crisis, not because they doubt God, but because they long for a community they can relate to. So, don’t lose heart, and don’t allow Satan to convince you there is a faith crisis; there is a faith revolution happening that is advancing the Kingdom in new and exciting ways. As your steps align with his heart, your heart will discover all it longs for.

thanks Brandon. this is such a powerful perspective. you’e right – i need to work to align my heart with his. sounds like you’ve got an awesome ministry!! will definitely keep you and it in my prayers! Hugs and love xox

First of all, good for you for looking in the right place for your future hubby. Have you ever considered looking outside of the Catholic Church? Just curious. I’m part of a Pentecostal Church myself. Secondly and I know that you know this, but God has his own timing. He knows what you need and when you need it. Don’t rush Him. You’ll have a wonderful young man on your arm when He wants him there and you’ll feel right about it. You may not have been forthright about this but I’m surprised that you don’t have a long line of young men with long stemmed roses banging on your door wanting a date with you. What do I know, maybe you do.

I truly mean what I said. You are beautiful. I know that you have been thru a lot and it was a horrific trial and you have mentioned that you have trouble loving yourself. Please read Ephesians 1 and 2 and ask Holy Spirit to show you who you are. I posted recently, a list of everything that we are in Christ, found in those two chapters. There’s others verses to, like 2 Corinthians 5:17, 21 and many more that tell us who we are. God wants you to see, I want you to see, that you are beautiful.
Bless you sister!
KEEP THE LIGHT ON!

Hello Lovely BBB! You have a great site and I love your book! Try and make it to Times Square Church, 51 Street & Broadway. Been going there 22 years, was praying for a husband too. Met him sitting behind me one day! TSC is a big urban international church, with a heart to know & serve God. Fix your eyes on Jesus our Good Shepherd…and He will bring the right sheep your way! 💖

Hello Caralyn. There are devil’s in church looking for angels and there are angels attending church looking for prince charmin. Remember Boaz found Ruth working in the field that he owned. He found her. Now she owns the field where she use to work. I advise you to trust God to make the right connection for you. No one knows whose rib you are better than God. Keep God first in all that you do. *Hold on to this Scripture, Romans 8:28 and wait patiently dear.

I’m not so sure the under 30 crowd will be attending mass on weekdays too often, since most of them are likely involved in careers….so, maybe a small piece of good news there, huh? Are there Catholic events in your area? I know my archdiocese has a series called “Theology on Tap” where local priests will meet people at a pub and speak about theological matters in an open format… Anyways, just an idea.

Unfortunately, there is a general trend – and the rate is rapidly increasing – of people leaving organized religion. I’ve seen it in members of my own family, unfortunately. I don’t believe there is a direct way to counter it, other than to ‘represent’, if you know what I mean. I also think our society has become more self-centered which is a tough thing to overcome, but I still think we need to be an example and demonstrate true human compassion without offering an “education of faith” in any formally forced way- only our actions can be the example, I think.

Hi friend, thank you so much for this thoughtful response. you’re right – that was what my dad said too. that even though the mass is technically after the work day at 5 or 5:15, that most will be at work or commuting. Yes! I have heart of TOT – never been though. maybe I’ll have to check it out. thanks again! Hugs and love xox

I know you didn’t mean that, but wanted to add it just in case it might be a light bulb for someone else. Like most people I have never liked anyone trying to be pushy about faith or anything else. Anyway, blessings to you 🙂

There’s a quote in the beautifully written King James Bible that says something like “Seek ye FIRST the Kingdom of God… and all other things shall be added unto you” (Part of an inspiring speech known as the ‘Sermon on the Mount’ recorded in the 5th and 6th chapters of St. Matthew’s biography of Christ).
People are so determined to seek out all those “other things” that they don’t have the time or inclination to seek out the Kingdom of God. People love to read all about scandals, salacious rumours and political discord, in the news, novels or movies, without realising it’s all been done before, and recorded right there in the bible. Many know the story of David, when he was a wee boy, and took out Goliath with his sling-shot, but how many realise that the same wee boy grew up to become the most powerful World Leader? Or that the same King David, had a deadly weakness for an attractive married woman?
In fact, your own story even has some echoes of the biography of Job, a guy who was pretty ‘well-to-do’, but lost virtually everything when he went through the most horrific health problems. But despite having every reason to become disillusioned and lose faith, he kept his patience and more importantly his belief, to which his restoration to full health, extraordinary wealth, and a happy family life was attributed.
Church shouldn’t be all fluffy sheep, rainbows and a sing-along – people grew out of that in high-school. When church leaders go back to telling it straight, which is ultimately their purpose, people will start to pay attention to them and, who knows, they might well find all those other things they are looking for.

Hi Ally! thank you so much for this thoughtful response. you’re so right – gotta seek Him first. And wow, I’ll definitely have to read the book of Job, I hate to admit I have only read bits and pieces of it. I’ll put it on my to do list 🙂 you’re right – church is a place to worship. thanks so much for stoping by! big hugs xox

Hey there girly, being the coolest Christian blogger around that I know of (besides yours truly of course) i want you to know i absolutely love reading your blog and getting your perspective. I can say from my heart I am proud of you and the victory you have found and the joy you so obviously have and I am happy to be called your brother
Now, let me answer the question posed in your most recent blog title
“Where are all the young people?”
Young people are beginning to wake up, and they see “Church” for what it is…
a money scheme.
Now don’t get me wrong, the intention of the heart of church leaders most likely isn’t to make millions and retire early (although there are some who most definitely fall into this category) but the fact is, that the established church relies on fear and longing to make stay open, and fear and longing is a billion dollar industry.
Luckily for us, the Gospel has NOTHING to do with fear and longing. “What do you mean Rhett? The Bible says to “fear the Lord” and to be “longing for Christ’s return!”
this is true. But the Bible also says “a blessing be upon you when you dash your enemies children against the rocks”
Just cuz it’s in the Bible doesn’t mean its true and most definitely doesn’t mean it represents our Father’s heart.
That’s the problem, we, as Christians, worship a book about God rather than the ONLY true God, who is not a book, but living.
Our Churches are “dying” for a couple reasons.
1.) They worship and adhere to “the dead letter” as Paul calls it, and when your god is “dead letter” you too will end up just as dead as the book you worship.
2.) now don’t judge me, but to be honest.. Church as an institution is completely and totally irrelevant.
I know that last one is hard to hear, but it is the truth. the church age ended in 70 AD and was not meant to last beyond that point. I am working on a post about this very thing currently.
There has been a massive deception the last 2000 years about what the Gospel truly is, and that’s why I started my blog, not because I have all the answers, but I do do my homework and study the meanings of the language used and the cultural and historical context and what I have found is that Jesus came “not but for the lost sheep of Israel” and to “save” them from destruction, which did in fact come at the hand of the Romans in 70 AD.
There’s a lot more that goes into all this, so keep up on my blog for the deets as I try to cover everything I am learning which is pretty cool stuff I must admit. But the brunt of it is that this is not the “church age” as we like to call it, but “the new heavens and new earth” which we have been taught all our lives is a physical literal place, but what Jesus clearly says “is not observable.” Literally, the “kingdom of God” is “In you” Jesus said, not some place we will one day walk on streets of Gold.
Anyways, the youth are waking up to the fact that church is dead and unnecessary and in face, sad to say, can do NOTHING for us but accuse and condemn us. Church has literally become “the satan” which in the time of Jesus was the law of Moses.
I challenge you to read Pauls letters. I will attach a link to Michael Hardin, a 40 year theologian who reads and writes the original languages, and don’t read Romans until you’ve watched his seminar on it, otherwise you will think Paul is skitzo and has split personalities lol. Anyways, love your stuff girl, keep it up, don’t be disheartened, there’s no way you will end up alone 😉
and believe me, you want a guy with morals, but not the kind that have a judgmental God behind them, because that god is a devil in disguise
Always, Rhett
Ps. here’s that link to Michael Hardin on Romans.

Hi friend, thank you so much for your kind words about my blog! I’m so glad you enjoy reading it! This is some powerful food for thought. You’re right – God is living. I️ will definitely check out that link. Hugs and love xox

Remember that I’m an old married lady. A long time ago my Sweetie and I worked in Church ministry in a couple of places. I have LOTS of opinions. LOTS. Based on experience, opinions none the less.
That said there are vibrant, active, Catholic parishes, and ministries around the City. I’d say you’re more likely to find the 20’s and 30’s at the midday Masses. A lot of folks will leave work during their lunch time.
A slight change in your day might help.

I think “The Cool Word” is on to something here. I not sure what the definition of denominational and non-denomination was in their thoughtful words though. The problem is in today’s world we want to open up a study on everything including why people don’t attend church any more and then present findings to a diminishing flock to debate. That doesn’t change anything, just highlights the problem. Why don’t young people attend church now? Well let’s start with our educational system. Evolution is taught as the truth as opposed to creation. So when we have evolved from a primeval swamp as taught there is no need of God, Jesus and the plan of salvation. We are a random blip on the screen of the universe so there is no sin and thence no need of a Saviour. What have we done to our youth! There is a God, He is watching, He granted us power of choice and we can choose heaven or a wild ride on this earth and eventual oblivion. However youth do admire the principles Jesus preached. It’s a hands on religion as opposed to the ritualistic stuff the older generation Christians model. We lost the way in the last 2,000 years. You want kids at church, then we oldies need to walk the talk not preach it. That’s my view of Christianity and I’m an unashamed Christian who finds meaning in life and a hope beyond. Do you know something? You are a treasure and if the dumb males around you can’t see that they are not worthy of you. I believe God has a special someone just for you and you don’t have to go hunting. He will send them to you in due time. I’m going to pray for that in my personal devotions. 🙂

Beautifully said. Thank you for this! The world needs more kindness and Christ. And don’t worry, your hubby is probably doing the same thing as you, you just might be going to opposite cathedrals on opposite days. 😉🤔😮

I’m part of the choir you speak to my dear, but I’m 45, so I don’t know if I qualify. Church if vitally important to me, and I love making coffee for 200 church goers every week. I get a plethora of thanks for doing it, and some in the beginning thought it interesting that a man, by himself without his wife, was in the kitchen making coffee. Bless their hearts as we say in the south here, but people have to want to do something. God is everywhere, but if the pain of evil doesn’t drive people to commune with the Father in corporate settings then you can bet they’re not turning to Him in private. Sad really.

Just wanted to say that I’m in the same boat as you, and it’s been increasingly difficult for me to focus on God in my singleness, cuz I’ve been single for 10 freaking years to really let God grow and make me into the person He wants me to be, and now I’m just hoping beyond hope that before I turn 30 next year I’ll find someone. But in the mean time, it’s just more of a reminder that I must continue to glorify God as I wait. I don’t know if I’ll even find my wife here in the Cornhusker State, but if there’s one thing that God has taught me, it’s that the way He works isn’t limited geographically. So just keep ya chin up and eyes on Him and maybe in the ways you least expect it, you’ll run into your future husband. As always, I really enjoy your writing, extremely talented with it and hope you never stop sharing your life.

i’m so stoked for you! i’m relieved that there is still good in this world, i enjoy reading your posts and ive been absent on my own for quite sometime but i finally found myself with an inkling of spare time this evening and im gonna get back to it. keep doing what you do and know that you’re an inspiration, keep up the good fight!

Oh snap. She is back. Congrats on Patreon Yellow. And did you block the comment box in the last post? “Anywho…lol” I noticed what you wrote about the young people too. But I found them somewhere else. In California, they are in bible schools and missionary movements and organizations reaching out into the business world, art, education…everywhere. Oh Caralyn…I wish you could see them. Lots of them. There is hope. And you will find Mr BBB. It’ll happen.

Thanks friend! Hmm I️ don’t know! I️ don’t think so! I️ switched to a different platform, and that was my first post on the new one so perhaps that’s why it was messed up. Oh really! That’s awesome. Thanks for the encouragement Ish! Hugs and love xox

what on earth is wrong with men these days…. are they blind? You’re beautiful! Okay I’m starting to sound like a cracked record I’ve said that before…. Words fail to capture the art that is you. Oh lovely rose that makes dew drop sigh that makes bee’s sing as the draw your nectar. The other flowers in the garden envy your sweet scent they are more jealous of you than they are of orchid’s . The butterflies whisper your name to each other how gorgeous are her petals they reflect the love of God. The lady bugs smile and say “who ever picks this flower will never wont for another . You are beautiful beyond the vine supports you. Beautybeyondbones.

Hey Caralyn, that was a very astute observation. I’ve noticed that too and was in wonderment as well. As for me, I took my kids to church as they were growing up. Granted as they got older, I didn’t impose my will on them but they would often be the ones to remind me that we need to go to church. Some weekends we do miss church because of our hectic schedule but we do stop in for a few minutes to to give our thanks for everything He blessed us with. I truly don’t know why the younger generation does not go to church but as long as they have God in their lives by saying little prayers or just talking with Him then maybe that’s a start. Great post.

You are absolutely right ,that’s the actual situation the world over.I don’t understand where we are heading too,totally consumed by the INSTA’S,FB,TWITTER ….Everyone is inquisitive about the others life,not realizing whats happening to their’s.

Caralyn, I am happy to hear that you are open to perpetual love on earth. Impatience is the enemy of the kind of love you seek. I speak from experience.

We both were married when we met. I never felt that kind of intense love before or since. There was no denying she was the only one for me, and I was the only one for her. That was 1980. Two years later, after our divorces were final, we were married. Five years later, we had to part for family reasons. Our lives apart were painful; we each went on to build careers and friendships, but never met anyone we loved as much.

I tried to stay in touch with her folks, but lost touch after they retired and moved away. I had heard from them that she had been terribly ill and confined to a wheelchair (which was true). I thought she had died (clearly false). I gave up looking.

I did not recognize her voice on the telephone. I was surprised and thrilled to hear from her.

She was a missionary in the middle east for 15 years, a nurse and an Episcopal nun for over 6 years. Then she decided to become a Catholic nun.

Before she could take the final vows become a catholic sister, her advisor insisted she find me and give me the papers needed to annul our marriage. The church even gave her the search tools to find me.

I was willing to do whatever she needed me to do to achieve her calling. I agreed to meet her for dinner so she could give me the papers.

She met me wearing her habit. It was as if the years dissolved when I saw her. I knew instantly why I never entertained marriage all those 26 years. I had never stopped loving her. She told me later, that she had the same experience.

She called me after our dinner to tell me that she would give up her spiritual life, if I would marry her. I agreed. We have been in love, and married four years or 35 years, depending on how you count. We tell our friends, “the divorce didn’t work out.”

There is no guaranteed way to meet the love of your life, if you stop living the life you love.
Just get out there and live. Notice and meet the people who are enjoying what you enjoy. Bring your natural happiness and grace with you wherever you go. With all your talent and healing wisdom, you will be blessed for your patience. He will be open for love like yours too. You will not need convincing. When you find each other, you will not regret waiting.

Caralyn, it is so refreshing your post! Not the part where young people aren’t in the pews. And not that it was husband hunting that had you sitting in the. But after struggling to have energy to be encouraging to other bloggers, and even stay awake long enough to even finish a comment… literally… 3x this week while trying to finish one to you. Just last night my son found those amusing. If I get this one tonight, it will be the Lord Himself letting me read encourage you. He has someone for you. He sure does love your love for Him. Keep going to church no matter, and you will lead people in, and you never know if your husband is just away for the moment. 😉 praying for you

Thank you Gail. Oh my gosh! You’re so kind to fight the sleep to share your thoughts with me!! You’re so right – gotta keep showing up and trust in His plan. Thank you for the encouragement and prayers. Means the world. Hugs and love xox

I am grateful you were understand the message despite the choppy sentences… lol. Evidence to fighting sleep, AND the fight to think straight. 😉 Me and God have faith in you! You will be to be thankful for the wait on your husband when you finally meet who God has been saving for you, and you for Him! <3

I know it’s come up before in past conversation, in bits and pieces, but be comforted; the Bride of Christ, she does not reside in any building (: the reality is that the Father you have found growing up in the pews…has such immense life beyond them. And I get where you’re coming from because I grew up in church and when I looked around I saw peers dwindling with disinterest, and even now (maybe especially now) after I have grown so much deeper into Father it makes me angry when I see disinterested young people blowing it off. It breaks my heart to see one girl in particular in my teen group who comes to church, sits through dinner, sits through our time together, disinterested, sometimes totally shut out, probably too afraid to break her established persona to put down the device and participate in relationship and community. If I do not reach her–no, if Holy Spirit does not touch her–we will lose her, and we may lose others who would follow suite.

And you know I had a lot of misgivings about going back to a church–a lot. Not because I was hurt in church, or because I’m disinterested, but because I know that I have an infinite heart longing that no building can satisfy. I don’t want to see my peers in pews. I want to see them in community. I want to see Jesus alive in them. I want to see LIFE–and life more abundant. I want to see lives transformed, I want to see gifts take root, I want to live in community with the Bride of Christ and I can’t be satisfied by the limits of the buildings people only go to once a week. I’m not trying to brag when I say my church is so great – we’re a small group of around 30-40 who get together once a week, and sit down to a meal together, and have a service afterward. As far as I’m concerned, my favorite parts of the evening are honestly, the meal, and the end of the night when one of my teens without fail asks for a ride home and my heart bursts with joy at every opportunity to hear their hearts, and to speak words of life back into them because I couldn’t care much less for services, but the time to simply be together in the unique presence of Father individually expressed in each of them…that’s Church. And if you’re worried about the pews… don’t be (: the light continues ever brighter (:

Thanks for this Carson. You’re right, the Lord can be found outside the church walls too — like in our hearts! And in nature! So true. Your church sounds pretty awesome. Definitely something that I️ would love to be a part of! Haha oh gosh – thanks friend. Eternity sounds pretty good 🙂 Hugs and love xox

It’s even more than that though because the church can be–and is being–found outside the church, and I know that’s a difficult and maybe disheartening proposition to a lot of faithful church-goers and that faithfulness is not without value, but there’s a bigger picture here and that’s the vision I want my teens to catch; the church is not limited to or even defined by walls but by the life and faith of Jesus who gave himself for her 😀

Oh and another thing on the man thing ;D (I know I just can’t get enough :P) I started watching this video this morning about what to look for in a Godly man and it was total rigid garbage 😀 I couldn’t finish it it was just so cliche. But thats okay because one of the first things this girl said was, first of all, you don’t need to be *looking* because it’s the man who pursues–I know I know, not what your eager heart wants to hear again ;D but really… rest. And I’m not going to say you can’t look for a man or parade your stuff ;D but rest. I know I’ve said this before but all will come in time and Father has not forgotten about Adam’s Eve <3

And I know this just morphed into more than *just one other thing* but listen, in my relationship with my wife, she was the pursuer. Through friendship to dating to breaking up to re-friendship and re-dating and engagement and marriage and to be brutally honest with you (and me), she sabotaged me and our relationship (unintentionally of course) because I never learned properly how to come through for her and it perpetuated her belief that I wouldn't and that she had to pursue me in order to make me engage her. And that (and some other factors of course) almost destroyed us, to the point that we were on the verge of divorce not too long ago. Only Jesus-esque grace has brought us back together.

I'm not trying to terrify you or anything 😀 but seriously, when you find your man, let him learn to pursue you. Okaythatsall 😀

I sympathise with your plight. I was in the same position 27 years ago. I was born and raised in Ireland but I lived in the UK for 20 years and at the age of 29 was desperately looking for a wife after many years spent seeking a religious vocation. I am reading a book called “The Benedict Option” at the moment and he makes similar points to yourself and some of your respondents with regard to the greying of the mainstream denominations. In most parishes it is undoubtedly true that a decline is observable. There is however one blip on this radar and that is those parishes with the Latin Mass and traditional rites of the Church. So if you want to take the advice of this old man I have two recommendations for you. The first is find yourself a traditional Catholic Parish like this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BbMxycyo2g) or this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bhpYdgRgj0) and attend regularly enough to get to know the youngsters. The second suggestion is something you are probably doing already and that is praying to find a worthy husband. I am twenty six years married to a wonderful woman who prayed for a husband (not sure whether she got such a good deal Ha ha). Try targeting specifically! Like this lady (http://www.catholicwifecatholiclife.com/st-anne-bring-me-a-man-as-fast-as-you-can/)
I really like your posts and will keep you in my prayers. Our daughter is named Catherine Anne and the house is named St. Anne’s so you can see that I heartily recommend her intercession. Keep your chin up. I have to say when looking at the many admirable Catholic ladies looking for husbands these days that the young men need to wake themselves up!!!! Take care. Gerard

Stop worrying. Relax. Do what you enjoy, whether it’s Mass or work or hobbies, and trust God to bring the husband.
I remember the loneliness of not having a partner and having my heart broken by the person who I thought was right, but wasn’t. I think I had to accept the loneliness before I could meet someone. I was a lapsed Presbyterian and crossed the path of my Catholic husband-to-be on the way in to a lecture. As we fell in love, I remember thinking that he wasn’t the person I would have chosen, but I really liked him, and, by the way, God, you must have a sense of humour to bring two such different people together. Of course, I never guessed at that point that God had even more in mind and that I’d eventually become Catholic.

I am part of the AARP crowd (not quiet geriatric yet!), but I love your post. Prayer is a big part of the solution, as you have indicated, but I really resonate as well with your concept of making Jesus and Christianity attractive by the way we live, by how we care for others. You express this beautifully – I hope many read it and decide to give Jesus (and even the church) a chance!

“Are we making faith attractive, or is it more of an exclusive club with lofty prerequisites and impossible standards. If we want those seats to be full, we need to make it a place people want to be.”

With the million dollar question being how do we do that?

I remember seeing your “likes” on my two-part discussion of the book Already Gone, so you know what those are about, and it isn’t the music or watered-down theology. People want to hear the Word preached boldly! It’s about that simple. Until that happens, American churches will go the way that European churches have gone. They’ve been turned into museums or some other re-tasking of the building or simply torn down.

“Compassion and empathy” I agree. I’ve seen congregations who just want to stay as they are. They don’t want to grow. They just it want to remain a personal safe haven. Newcomers are welcomed guardedly, if at all.

You’re so right Jeff! I️ think people want the cold hard truth! There’s so much wish wash out there these days, it’s like — just give t to me straight! Thanks for your thoughts Jeff. Can’t wait to read your relationship advice over on Patreon. I️ should call you Dr. Phil 🙂 hehe 🙂 Hugs and love to you and Julie! Xox

We are going to have a great evening and Saturday morning; first, we meet for dinner after she leaves her office. Then we go to a presentation by Dr. Paul Maier, a renowned Lutheran professor of church history. He’s speaking at Faith Lutheran here in Memphis tonight and tomorrow morning. I had written him for permission to use info from one of his books in my novel years ago, and he very graciously told me to use whatever I want. We’re psyched! Also, checking to see if you got my email with the review attachment. Great weekend!!

This was both hilarious and inspiring.
Thank you for sharing your struggle and your heart.
Just know that there are a lot of young people who are very much in love with Jesus and involved in His work. Most of them are already married… but not all of them. The Lord knows what you need, and if you need a husband, I know He will provide a man after His own heart… in His own time. 😉

No question, daily mass is a tough sell for lots of people and lots of reasons. I was far and away the youngest person (at 40) when I started going to daily mass and that was in a heavily Catholic area! It’s something we’re constantly talking about and something that we, on the clerical side of things, need to be more proactive in helping the newer generations engage with and truly feel that mass is important to their lives. We’ve really not been doing a good job of that for the last few decades and it shows. People like you are picking up the slack. Thank you!

That said, I do know that many churches have young adult groups, ministries, masses, and the like. The Church of St. Paul the Apostle (I’m admittedly biased being a Paulist) has one at 5:15 pm on Sundays and it is always packed! The energy is wonderful. Best wishes and prayers to you on your search and thank you for what you do! Peace, Rich

While you may not find a husband right away, try a Latin Mass. There are a few in NYC and for sure in Norwalk, CT (St. Marys, just off I-95).
What you will find, in most cases, are the pews filled with people of all ages, races, income levels and, yes, marital status.
The reasons for this are varied. Contact me if you’d like to know more.
Bill

Thanks so much Bill, I️ really appreciate it. Yes! I️ should definitely check those out. I’ve actually been wanting to try a Latin mass for a while now! A little intimidated but then I️ should just bit the bullet! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

Having young people in the church is all about the relationship and the sincerity of the church body to teach the Gospel. Young people are looking for the real Jesus to fill that void that can’t be filled with social media or constant other distractions. By that, I mean not pizza with a slice of Jesus or a dumbed down message. I’m not saying fire and brimstone it, but just like in a relationship with another person, they want sincerity, honesty, and the REAL DEAL. If a church is throwing fluff out there, they won’t connect. Young people also don’t want to see their donations going towards an updated, newer, fancier church building. They want to see their donations of time, money, and spirit going towards those who NEED it, aka being the hands and feet of our Savior.

I recently had a close friend tell me that she and her husband haven’t been to church in two months because at their last Mass, the priest focused on how the church body wasn’t giving enough to support church building x & y projects (they have a large, very dedicated congregation) and then went on to harp on how it was a mortal sin to not be married in the Catholic church (they married in his family’s Lutheran church). This seems off to me since I don’t recall either of those being requirements for salvation in the Bible. That priest has likely lost two God-loving people and their three children from his congregation.

I spent the last 8 Wednesday nights working with 3rd and 4th graders in a non-denominational outreach youth group. They are FULL of the spirit and beg for more – more scripture to memorize, more songs, more attention, and more lessons. These kids come from all backgrounds and walks of life. The last night, their parents joined us for a program and dinner. I don’t attend this church, but was blown away by the way you could feel the Holy Spirit moving in this program. The desire is there for our young people. We need to engage them. We need to step up and step out.

Thanks for the great post. God will put the right person in your path. <3

Hi Caralyn – daily mass is good for our souls, but maybe not the best way to meet single fellas dashing on to work, or out to meet friends. Most Catholic churches have a Young Adults (college age to 35) ministry organizing outings, Bible-studies,Theology on Tap (in local pubs.) One of my good friends met her husband at our YAM in Williamsburg (VA)- they’ve been married 5+ years & moved recently to NYC. Hang in there! Blessings.. Virginia 🙂

That last part was funny. I do hope and pray you find a ‘freakin’ husband!’. Our church has a surprising amount of young singles. Most of them are male. It’s slim pickin’s tho if a guy wants a wife. Maybe you should try an Orthodox Christian church?

Ha! I’ve been working on an article about this over the past week. Same here in the UK and the Anglican church … except in the evangelical churches, we need the 20s and 30s back – and the 40s with their growing kids! I had a 600 word limit, which was difficult to keep as there is so much to say on this topic … present lifestyle, present expectations, present attitudes (“me first” etc) … I’d put the piece on my blog, but I keep clear of faith issues there so far … anyhow, I may do a longer version if time and space … Yes, a troubling feature of faith communities right now. Oh dear, I hope you do find a husband: my other ‘same here” is that far as I can see, marriage is not on the mind of the 20s and 30s these days – only in the evangelical community … back in the day, as they say, we all pretty much found partners by age 35 … if not well before …

Hi Mari! Thank you so much for your thoughts! You’re right – there is SO much to say on this topic. I’d love to read your post! you’re right – times have definitely changed for sure. so glad you stopped by! big hugs xo

How about checking out some other Christian denominations…you will find whole communities of similar aged hottie’s at some churches. And some with very genuine faith like your own. And getting out to see something different may grow you in other ways too!

Hi, how you been?
I hear your pain and the cry of your heart so I figured I would let you know our churches tend to have lots of young people and many singles. (humble brag) Check them out!

Besides that, I don’t think Christianity is dying. The growth is slow in North America, we are seeing an increasingly secular society with post-modern negativity towards big institutions, but it’s not dead and worldwide it’s still spreading quickly.

With that said, the Bible says as we near the end, one of the signs of Jesus’ second coming will be love one to another will grow cold. Considering love is the heartbeat of God’s kingdom as that happens Kingdom growth will slow. As well, the Bible notes another sign of Jesus return is there will be an alignment of those who love God with everything they’ve got and those who desire to love self and the kingdoms of this world.
We keep pressing forward, we keep praying, but these things are inevitable.

You are right about church, but some churches try to be too accommodating. We can’t turn from the scriptures. We still must teach about sin and that we are all sinners, but remind people that we are saved by what Jesus did, not what we do. We do good works because we are saved. We need to show love to all. Great message. btw, God will provide you with the right godly man. Nothing wrong with looking. I think God expects it. We can’t just sit in our pew and expect God too do all the work. I am sure you won’t have problems finding someone (be picky and let God do the heavy work! :). By what little I have read and by your pictures, your blog name fits you.

This post kind of disturbed me a little bit, and I want to give you some “food for thought here.”

The minute we enter into the Church to receive our Lord, and the door closes, at that moment the “world” closes for us also. We as Catholics believe we are in the presence of Christ. Always remember that.

Welcoming Environment: I agree here, all should be made to feel welcome in any Church.

Making faith attractive: Why is the Cross so hard for us to look at? It is the most unattractive Thing that there is. It is the sins on the world consuming our Lord. The only beauty of it, is Jesus loving us so much He was willing to carry us to that Cross and suffer torment, humiliation, torture, and death for us. He was so offensive even His Father, God, could not look upon Him, as Jesus cried, “Father why have you abandoned Me?” Attractiveness, no. When we try and do this, we are taking away the very things which gave to us this “faith” in the first place. It is not about “us.” It is always about Christ.

We need to make it a place where people want to be? We as Catholics believe Jesus is there. Since when is Jesus not enough for people to want to be in His presence? Protestants (as we) believe “where two or more are gathered I am among you.” Again, why is Jesus not enough?

When we make Church/Mass about “us,” the only good that is going to come out of that is, “nothing.” (I am talking any Church here.)

When Jesus walked this earth, He did “the will of the Father.” To many Jews He was the most “offensive Man” on earth. But…. He never tried to make anything “attractive” just so they would follow and believe in Him.

I just wanted to give you some things to think about. Not saying you have to agree with me. Just think about it. Love you and God Bless, SR

I did not want to upset you and I think you know I love you enough not to do that. I just wanted to give you something to think about.

I wanted to bc I know how much you do love Jesus, and the Church. I just wanted you to know He is always enough. As much as I love you, He loves you so much more. I cannot even see how that is possible, for a special place in my heart is where you are at. God Bless, SR

We also should remember that the Church is not a place or a building or an institution it is the body of Christ; It is you and me! We are the Bride of Christ! I can’t wait for the wedding feast. Yes, you are right. Jesus said that the world would hate us. And, the way we make “the Church” attractive is by loving. Love God first, people second. It is always about Christ. His love is so amazing. He gave His life and took the sins upon His shoulders so that we can be saved and have access to the Father. He is our High Priest. He is our savior. Praise God!

Great article! God said,”it’s not good for man to be alone.” Hold God to his word, I did. This is the honest to God truth. I was single living a young Christian life but lonely. One afternoon while washing my car I stopped and looked up and said,”God I don’t want to be alone.” 10 minutes later the woman I am married to today showed up. You try it, God knows he’s out there lonely and looking for you. Ask God to send him your way or lead you to him because it’s not good for him to be alone. When God hooks it up, it’s right and forever.

Great post. I think a lot of people are “phoning it in” for church or using the internet to watch the services when it’s convenient for them. There’s not the sense of community that there used to be. Even as an old, married lady of 48 (LOL), I miss the community that church used to have, even as little as 5 years ago. My advice? Find a church that fits you, get involved in serving, and the rest will fall into place. When I met my husband, I was singing in the church choir, and met him at a bar-b-que (not at church), thought he was cute, and then found out he was a Christian, and the rest is history. My point is, God brought him to me while I was busy serving God. Hang in there. God is preparing you to be ready when the right man comes along. Then pounce! LOL

As a Christian minister who is old enough to be your father, I can only say that I only wish that more young ladies were looking for husbands in church. You are, however, right about the absence of young people in our churches. Unfortunately, the “answer” that a lot of churches has been to compromise their old ways and teachings in an effort to make church more entertaining. This comes at a cost if a belief system is compromised.
Continue your search for a husband, be it at church or elsewhere. He is out there if and when God has him ready. However, you are a princess who must have just the right prince. You may not have met anyone up to your Heavenly Father’s standards yet!

I was one of the people taking pictures in St. Patricks this summer, but with my iPhone not iPad. Who wants to carry an iPad around? What pair of pants has a pocket that will fit an iPad? None, I tells ya, none!

If you’re looking to find a husband then you have to play the numbers. Go to St. Pats during the busy times. Besides just being beautiful it helps to appear helpless (or at least needing help). Try dropping a handkerchief and pray for a young man with manners to pick it up for you. Maybe wrap your ankle and hobble a bit and see who opens the door for you. Men want to come to the rescue. You might have to do that several times at different doors in a short amount of time before everyone exits.

Where are some of the young Catholic men? Becoming priests. The others? Being pestered by their mothers to find a nice Catholic girl. I will pray for Catholic mothers to be more bitchy for you.

This is a tricky question which can have many answers, but to me, these are the important things. Our generation has become so self -absorbed and think that they are right all the time and that they are good hence no reason for the cross or repentance and people don’t like to hear that they are wrong. Second is there are so many false teachers out there that it is hard to find a good church with sound doctrine. I do think people do go to church but really not church (as in they teach the prosperity “gospel”) people are more inclined to hear that instead of the real gospel. Also, Christianity can never be dead because the object of our faith never dies he is all present and all knowing alpha and omega etc. I don’t mean to sound rude but more important than church you should pray for people to be saved by the gospel and be transformed.

I hate to say this, but there seems to be less and less interest in what God’s word truly says. As long as we create a place that tickles people’s ears and makes them feel good, these places may experience growth and develop a certain kind of Christian. But how many today really lives the Beatitudes, one of Christ’s greatest messages? What kind of Christian are we today? And I speak of myself too. If I take a good look in the mirror, would I really have been one of those who would have actually hung with Jesus? Or would I have gotten distracted with other things? We have so many things to pursue these days. How hard is it to really have God first, or even second? Come out from the world and be ye separate. Do we even know what that means anymore? I think there is a godly balance, but it’s hard to find these days.

I get the feeling you’re looking for deeper answers too, and that you are questioning things we have been taught by the experts. I think that is what my blog site is becoming more and more about. I need to ask a favor. Can you please tell me, is my site really striking a chord with you? Is it really giving you food for thought? I believe we are in such spiritual danger in our day, and the question is: “Why?” Got an opinion? I know you have a lot of followers and short answers is all you probably have time for. I can understand that. Maybe you can do an article on this question I think you have touched on in “Where are all the young people?” Do we compromise the true word of God for the sake of bigger crowds? Does that result in the birthing of true Christians? Or are we fooling ourself? What does God’s Word actually say? And is the modern church actually doing it? These are things my site is currently questioning.

I love how you mention God’s timing in finding a husband, and you understand that but are just helping him along… reminds me of what my mom used to tell me… “God helps those who help themselves.” I often think of that and it inspires me to get moving and work on making things happen. God will be right there, helping me💜 wonderful post Caralyn!

This is making me sooooo sad. But your honesty and courage made me smile. You’re a proof that not all hope is lost. And I’m with you praying for this broken world, though I’m from the Philippines, a VERY Christian country and every Sunday, churches here are all filled with attendees and of all ages. I haven’t actually been in a church where there are empty pews, Thank God for that. 🙂
Anywayzzz, goodluck with the hubby-hunting… You chose the right place to look for Mr. Right. God Bless You. 🙂

Now that they know you’ll be at a random Cathedral looking for a husband, I’m sure there will be some young, single guys looking for you. You have the right attitude and I applaud your efforts at bringing peace as well as your dreams to this world.

Hey Caralyn: Happy Happy Saturday to you, with the best day of the week approaching, when we get to corporately celebrate the Resurrection and Life of Christ, and attempt to learn to become more like Him.
I know, we can, should, do, celebrate Christ and His Resurrected Life daily, and His free gift of Salvation that is available to all who will receive it, but Sundays do remain special for gathering together, and I am sorry to hear you haven’t found a full church yet.
One secret, that is not really a secret because it is in Scripture, the best selling book of all time. ( I am sorry, but I don’t think “Bloom” will catch up, the Bible has too many years head start): 😀
Anywho, as a wise woman says, although my Dad used that for years also, if correct, I gleaned from your writing that you are in Central NYC. If I remember correct also, “Times Square Church” is in that central area, with a good Pastor and great history. Actually, check out their website, if you have interest at all, they tape and rebroadcast all their services. I do watch at times when mind remembers and time allows.
If you have ever heard of Nicky Cruz, who was the biggest, baddest gang leader in NYC many year ago, the founding Pastor Of “Times Square”, David Wilkerson was a young Street Minister at that time, who met Nicky Cruz, and after much time, many talks and struggles, led Nick and most of his gang to Christ. Nicky Cruz has been an evangelist for many years now, and it was under his ministry, when he spoke one time, not many years after becoming a Christ-follower, in home region here, that my wife was convicted of her sin, and started her walk down the path to become a Christian.
Oh, this has gone longer than I thought. One last thing, David Wilkerson wrote a book “The Cross and The Switchblade, which is the story of the life of Nicky Cruz. Both those gentlemen have written a number of God Centred books that are helpful to all.
Sorry to say, David Wilkerson died in a car accident a number of years ago.

Thanks George! Same to you! Thank you for sharing this. You’re right – I’ve got to keep getting out there. And that’s a great idea! I’ll look into that church. Sounds interesting! And wow Nicky sounds like he was an incredible person. Hugs to you xox

Someone may have already suggested this, but have you considered online dating? There’s a Christian one–there might be a few, not sure. Other ideas would be to do hobbies you love or volunteer work – something that involves meeting new people–you get to do something you enjoy and possibly meet a guy with the same interests. I’m not sure what church you go to, but in Maryland there’s a nondenominational community church with lots of young people, so I imagine there would have to be plenty of those in NYC. Find one you like (preferably with young people there) and stick to it instead of switching it up every week, and get involved in some of the groups there. That way you can get to know people there, make friends, and you could eventually meet the guy either directly or indirectly through friends. Good luck! You’ll find someone, and it will probably happen sooner than you think. Hugs to you.

You’re such a great writer. I have been taking a rest from Mass due to a bad cold. But just before, I was feeling some of things you say. The stuff builds up. In my case the issue is trying to find someone within an appropriate age range who hasn’t turned into a crusty, conventional bore. 🙂

I can picture you in the front pew dressed to the nines, and all the elderly ladies thinking of which grandson should meet you! But girl there is NO hurry. I have told my boys, 20 and 24, since they were tiny don’t rush it. Life has so many adventures, and can take you anywhere. But if you get tied down early married or with a house, you will lose out on some of the best.

I love being married and my wife is amazing, but I truly wish the first time I woulda waited 10 more years or so…

Take care! And some man is going to be VERY lucky to marry you someday

What a great write-up! I didn’t miss any letter of this post. WE just have to continually pray for the church and every soul on the surface of the earth. Intercession! The main purpose of your going to different churches is not bad – It’s better to marry a devil in the church than marrying a saint in the world (I hope I’m not misunderstood?) Though, I’m not qualified, for I’ve found my better half. I always intercede for people like that, that the Lord would grant them their heart desires, and much more (the bets miracle ever – Salvation, if they’ve not found it.) BEAUTY! Thanks for sharing, your posts are always very powerful and impacting.

If there are empty plates or filled with less than desirable food for the hungry souls, why would young people wish to feed their spirit?

I do believe and know how beautiful and great the people are, yet, anything what has been established became detoured, misled and abusing the masses – in the whole human history.

After only the women believed in Jesus’ resurrection, they were also leading the home churches and areas – up until Christianity became institutionalized for the sake of governmental power. Then women become more and more marginalized, and looking the history, outcast and slaves in the society. It took 2000 years and a USA to realize: women are not objects, it is not God’s plan to behave with them like it has been happening…

Young people are everywhere, they are modern prophets with their arts which show how they are looking for the internal peace and eternal happiness.

Jesus has always lived in people’s heart, not in skyscrapers. Nobody needs liturgy to feel God’s presence – just live a true life, your heart will resonate Him…

Personally, I’m sure, if you keep living for others, your spouse will come to your life from the most unexpected place and in the most unexpected way.

Hi! I think the many cases of spiritual and financial abuse being committed by so many preachers in power has driven younger people away from what we call “church” today. Young people are searching for something authentic and real, but unfortunately the majority of churches today are selling a distorted message, with most preachers entangled in power schemes and living lives completely opposite of the message of the Bible. Young people are wise enough to see this happening. In trying to draw in crowds, churches have tried preaching prosperity and “your best future now” gospels as well as other false gospels, only to create an even greater disconnect with the youth of today who see through all their snake oil. When Jesus is exalted, He draws others to Himself. Unfortunately, too many churches exalt money, power, and a fancy congregational experience over Jesus. Too many churches are run as a spiritual house and as a business, and we all know what happens when trying to serve two masters. It’s a sad reality but it’s encouraging to come across other young people as yourself who are sharing a real faith and asking the real questions that matter today! All the best!

I’ve found that my friends who are still part of the Catholic church feel much the same way—that the young people are not there. They’re not finding a lot of relevance to the world outside the RCC’s church walls, so they’re not bothering. Personally, as a former Catholic I can understand completely. I’ve found a lot of vibrance in the evangelical Christian churches I’ve attended, and young people are flocking there by the dozens.

Please understand this is NOT a slam against the Catholic church. But part of the problem may be that so many Catholic church attenders go out of a sense of guilt or obligation, rather than because they have a desire to know Jesus better. You seem to be an exception, and I know there are some out there who are active and spiritually healthy in the Catholic church. But there are many who, if they don’t have a compelling reason to go (a.k.a. parents or grandparents will frown on them if they don’t, God will be “angry” with them), they simply don’t. They speak of the church not teaching about how to love and follow God in the world we live in, with all its imperfections and problems. Until they find a real relationship with Jesus, they won’t see any point in spending any time getting to know him and grow. I’m sorry you’re experiencing a lack of fellowship in a place that’s so important to you.

thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. A relationship with Jesus is definitely what we’re all seeking. i’m so glad you’ve found a church that resonates with you. thanks for your kind words. big hugs to you x

I was sad to read you post but must admit it has left me grateful that we live in a Diocese which is filled with vibrant young adults and our own Church’s pews have young & old alike. The RC Church and our faith is vibrant and ALIVE with young and old hungry to witness to others…and I know your young prince is waiting to share his faith with you too – and you WILL find Him once God has perfected you both (for the other.) Prayers being sent for the city of New York and all those who have forgotten the Church Christ left for them. Hugs & Blessings for sharing your experience and you ARE looking for your beloved in the right place!!!😉

Sooo honest question from someone who is also in your position (in terms of dating) but from the Protestant circle… Are you only looking for someone who is Roman Catholic? Sorry if it is too personal of a question, but honestly curious. As an under 30 Protestant I’ve been open to finding someone who is either Protestant or Catholic.

Great post, and I see this a lot from young single women in my church. We are a non denom and have lots of young faces. And while it’s good to seek community and friends, it can be tricky to have an “agenda”. I did that once and rather than focusing on other arenas that make a relationship work, I focused on our faith. In the end, the marriage didn’t work. I believe it was because I had a “spot to fill” and didn’t pay enough attention to the man. Faith is important – but it is not the only thing. What other interests do you have? Perhaps visiting galleries or parks or bookstores would allow some interaction with your future fellow? Love your blog and your writing. Enjoy the Big Apple!

Very humorous. I think you’ve finally hit your stride! BBB is what it ought to be. I walked into the Panera-like place they call Great Harvest here (I think the Mormons run it because it’s always closed on Sundays.), and there were no freakin regular-sized cinnamon rolls. I mean, Cum on! But before that, and I mean that with total honesty, there was, like, a hurricane blowin in that there store. Customer: I JUST WANT A PIECE OF BREAD! Cashier: I’m sorry, I can’t do that. Customer: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS TOWN!!! I HAVE NO LUNCH! I JUST WANT A PIECE OF BREAD THICK ENOUGH FOR A SANDWICH! Cashier: How about this one? NO! I AM A DIEBETIC! Cashier: How about this one? Customer: I’M HEADED TO WORK WHERE I’M GOING TO SSSSSEEEEERRRRVEEEEE PEOPLE, AND I’M ALREADY LATE! I NEED A THICK ENOUGH PIECE OF BREAD FOR A SANDWICH! … I sit down…I don’t think I’ll ever get the cinnamon roll I want. Wait for the melee to end. Or not. They didn’t have my cinnamon roll, anyway. Cashier: Can I get you a piece of bread? Nah…I head to Denny’s to ogle the cute girl instead. She understands my handicap.

Great post! I love that you go to daily Mass. I met my husband through a church activity as did a few of my friends. When I got involved in parish life I met so many new people who introduced me to even more people. My future husband and I were on the same leadership committee. I will keep your prayer intentions close to my heart. Blessings!

I’d have to say there is an international movement where church attendants especially for the younger generation have been decreasing. I have to agree with Ms. BBB here, there are minimal young people attendees when you go to church.
And yes I encourage all of you to be a continuous light to whichever part of the world you are!
#SharetheLoveofJesus

Hahahaha who hasn’t been husband shopping at church? But when you look for nice Christian guys, they are no where to be found. Maybe they are hiding? Right? 😂😂
I guess I just need to learn the value of patience…
Hang in there 😂😂 and hey if you can’t find a husband at mass at least you can learn more about Jesus…
❤️❤️
Love
Izzy

But going out and “being” the church… at least you’ll get to see somebody’s heart. And it’s that “heart beauty” that you really want to know and share your life with. I knew my wife’s heart well before I asked her to marry me.

So. Loved this post. And yes the church is in shifting times. Times when what church looks like and how it is lived out has to change. Young 20s-30s I’ve spoken with attend many churches or are in a small group serving people. They are done with the institution but love Jesus or they are off searching and want none of it and need our prayers all the more. I am with you and praying alongside of you.

Now to the husband- with us 30k+ readership you’ve got people who can pray with you. And so I’m just wondering who are we praying for. You are not just looking for “male” generic church going 20 something. But what’s his heart like? Hiw talk is he? Does he dance? Does he sing? does he like music? Does he pray – how frequently? What’s he said no to in order to follow Jesus? How does he use his money? How does this man you’re looking for use his mind? What’s his sexual history? what’s the impact on him by porn? Is he a virgin? And if so what are his reasons for purity? And his far does that purity go for him – to what he looks at? What he thinks? What he believes? And what’s his heart like in relationship to Jesus? What’s his use of free time? Does he serve the homeless? does he laugh and have sunshine in his heart? Does he have a ready smile? How has he used his hands? What’s his experience with suffering? Describe him and we will pray for him and you as you meet… grace upon Grace. Your brother Brian

Hi Brian, thank you so much for this beautiful and thoughtful response. Yes. Let’s pray for those empty pews. And wow thank you for your kind words and support in praying for my future husband. Those are some really thought provoking questions. All i want is a man after Jesus’s heart. 🙂 thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox.

I hear you. I’ll be praying for the two of you to meet. And may he embody a man who cherishes you, rejoices in your success, encourages you to become all that Jesus intends you to be. May he be your champion. Your solid witness in life. May he leave you notes just because and get you flowers because he wanted to bless the street vender and you. May he have a heart that gives and gives. May he have boundaries so as not to confuse himself with you. And may his identity be securely in Christ so he can help you keep yours there too. Blessings!

You have liked my posts more than anybody, so I do as told and come look at yours. You have a wonderfully engaging style. I have a personal curiosity question: Is the beautifulbeyondbones you in the blue dress the same woman as the one in the masthead picture? You don’t look the same but the odds are that it would be the same. Either way, considering your success with the blog and with the way you present yourself in your posts, there’s no way you’re going to have any trouble landing a husband. My guess is that the one turning anybody down would be you. Forget about only 62% chance! My second curious question: I don’t see your name anywhere. My wife Mary and I just celebrated our 28th anniversary Nov. 12. We both attended the same theological college but hardly crossed paths. But we both stayed in the same worldwide fellowship and 15 years after graduation God brought us together at the same Sabbath service in Glendora, Calif. and on the second date we committed to marriage. I wanted to share this with you enough to come all the way down here beneath this mountain of adoring comments. I can’t believe you answer them all with such attention and love. I would be interested in reading your blogging tips but don’t use any of the platforms listed. You obviously know some good tips to have over 30,000 followers.

Thank you so much! I’m so glad you stopped by 🙂 im sorry but I’m afraid i don’t know the two pictures you are referring to! I’m trying to wrap my head around a blue dress photo and i don’t think i own a blue dress! Eek! My photos are all up on instagram, if you’d like to see who i am. And my name is Caralyn 🙂 Thank you for sharing your story of how you and your wife met. What a beautiful story. I appreciate it. Hugs to you xox

“And as much as I wish I could say I was 100% going for faith and spiritual purposes, I would be lying if I didn’t say that 62% of my reason for attendance was because I am…#HusbandHunting.”

No offense but I find your honesty refreshing and had to laugh a little – I think you answered your question in the below quote:

“Yeah, sure, it may be more interesting to sit around on our iPhones and read about the latest sexual abuse allegation on Twitter. Or watch Instagram Stories from your friends, or scrutinize Kylie Jenner’s snapchats and whether or not she has a baby bump.”

Polytheism is the way of it in the modern world all wrapped up in a blanket of technology and bling – the new gods are FB, twitter and the like. “Celebrities” who every utterance is taken as gospel and “reality shows” that are anything but.
Christianity in my opinion is being destroyed from within by scandals, televangelists, so called “evangelicals”, and the promotion of such things as a “prosperity doctrine – not to mention politicians and others who employ it to garner votes.
Neither a nation nor a people can survive in any meaningful manner lacking a moral rudder, and moral need not imply a religious tenet or doctrine rather a principled approach as we wend our way through the years given to us whether a person believes in a creator or not.
As indigenous nations our experience with what I refer to as organized religion has been anything but inspirational, and yet
we too believe in a Creator.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! You’re definitely right about needing a moral rudder. And thank you for sharing your perspective on that. It really offers some powerful food for thought. Hugs and love xox

I think part of the reason church attendance is dwindling is because (with the exception of the Mormon Church), you’re pretty much ignored when you visit a church–it’s up to you, the guest, to reach out, not the parishioners to make you feel welcome.

Thanks for stopping by my blog! I really enjoyed reading what you wrote here. One of my clients went on Match but did it with a particular strategy. She decided that she would meet for coffee dates only (daytime) and she would give every man at least one second date, no matter how awkward it may have been, just to see whether she was really getting who that person was or not. After doing that for a while, I don’t recall how many months, she met the man she’s married to now and they have a child, and life is really good! She even ended up becoming a life coach. So you just never know!

I will tell you, as a somewhat young, married Catholic woman (who obviously is not a potential husband for you – sorry! ;)), daily Mass is perpetually on my to-do list but I don’t quite get there simply because I have to get my day started. Not because I’m not religious (I am) or because I’m taking time for myself (I’m not), but because I either have to get on a plane, or start my commute, or just plain get to work.

So my thing is – I don’t know what type of person has time for daily Mass on a regular basis! I understand you were traveling, and that makes sense, but … I wish I knew what to tell you! It makes sense in theory to find the type of husband you’re looking for at daily Mass, except for the fact that a man who is going to be a good provider (the way I provide for my family) isn’t likely to have time for daily Mass!

I don’t know – maybe catholicmatch.com? Avemariasingles.com? (are they even still around?)

Hey Caralyn. Thanks for liking my blog and great to see your candidness! 🙂 I don’t want to come across as judgmental in any way, just helpful. I grew up as an atheist in communist Romania but God met me and changed my world around. (Now I’m thinking that maybe I should put my testimony in a blog along with maybe what was like to be a Christian under the communist regime, most in the “home of the entitled” don’t know). Anyway, I became protestant and the Christian college I attended was a ministry of a Baptist church but was interdenominational and I even had orthodox class mates (and good friends). I know that there are many Christians who love Jesus in Catholic churches. I’ve also been following (and commending the ministry) of https://www.lifesitenews.com/ which is a pro-life Catholic site. However, it is *my experience*, again, I emphasize, I don’t claim to be the absolute truth but only my experience… that, overall there seem to be more nominal Christians in Catholic churches. There are certainly many of those in protestant churches but, again, it seems to me it seems to be more in Catholic churches. Young people who were brought up in nominal Christian families are more likely to leave the church which, I think, explains at least part of the problem. I think it’s not as much a problem of churches lacking young people but maybe a problem with the churches you are looking at. I attend a non-denominational church http://www.harvestbiblechapel.org/ which has a whole lot of young people that love Jesus. Every month there are “God at work” videos of people in the Church how God changed their lives, helped them through difficulties, overcome addictions, etc–people to whom God is real. I’m sure that there are churches like that in NY as well (we have some worship leaders that visit us occasionally from NY and I’m sure they attend churches like ours). So, I’m suggesting that you may need to expand your Church list to visit. What matters is not a label we carry, but how our heart is in relation to God. “For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.” I pray that God will guide you and bless you in your search.

Well, I live in Sant Cugat del Valles, close to Barcelona in Spain. And the churches here are full of young people and young families (and middle-aged families as well). And I mean full, standing room only. Every Sunday mass is choc-a-block full, and sometimes like a zoo with all of the kids and noise. Even the monestry in the centre of Sant Cugat on Sunday evening 1900 mass (last chance in case you were too busy the rest of the weekend) is full, we are talking about probably 800 people. Last Christmas Eve, the priests ran out of bread!

Admittedly we live in a bubble of Catholicism and this location is not normal in Spain or almost anywhere else in the world. And when we go to other towns in Spain mass is equally as sad as you describe in your blog. But you create your own bubble. And point of being Christian is to get out there and spread the work – create your bubble. Just an idea.

I have noticed in your last few blogs you have been discussing that you are looking for a husband. I don’t know if you are joking or serious. But I want to encourage you to just be faithful to God and ask him the desires of your heart for your husband and he will provide. No need for you to take God’s job, he has everything under control, and I believe your husband is coming soon!

Thank you Shay. I am definitely 100% serious. I really appreciate your encouragement and reassurance. You’re so right – God’s got it all under control. I just need to practice some patience. Hugs and love xox

Hey again – I am with you on this one, but I have a different take on it. Catholicism is most definitely on life support – archaic concepts, highly ceremonial, and formality are pretty much things of the past. I am, and have been, a regular church goer most my life, and I can tell you there is a huge shift from formal to informal and very modern. Coffee, WiFi, louder worship versus organs and hymnals. The last three churches I have attended I would guess have an average age of 35 to 45. Still not in that 20 something crowd, however, what I do see are pockets of the 20 something’s that are believers and followers but the numbers are fewer. My opinion on this – most did not have faith following parents, so they are seekers themselves, and most importantly – they do not know themselves well enough to know what they want or how to achieve it. I am generalizing here and do not say that is true of all of course, but that is definitely in the ball park.

I attend an interdenominational church and there are people of people at all ages. Originally, I thought that was strange out here in Arizona, land of migrants. Now, plenty of which were born here. Good luck and happy holidays!

While I am a Reformed Baptist, I met my wife in church, while teaching Sunday School. I was not even think of marriage but God had other ideas. I do not think it cynical nor helping God to by what you are doing but stepping out in Faith that HE will provide. I can think of no better place than a house of God to meet a spouse.

While my knowledge of current trends in Catholic Church are limited, I would imagine that the daily mass is still attended for the most part but an older (my generation 60+ crowd). I might suggest therefore you find the church that have group studies and get togethers for your age group and check that out.

Hi Caralyn, thanks for stopping by and liking my blog post 🙂 I empathize with your plight. I was not a believer when I was your age, and made a lot of disastrous relationship choices. Now at 50+ I am blissfully single and loving it. I have Jesus, good Christian friends and family and a quiet contented life (most of the time :).

I don’t know if you’re open to other denominations but there is a church (c3manhatten.org is their NYC website). I have a friend who attends C3 in Toronto and it is a vibrant and very young congregation. Each person lives out their faith and encourage each other to grow and be all that God created them to be.

God luck in being where God wants you to be when He brings your chosen husband into your life!

Hi Vera, thank you so much for your kind words. And thank you for sharing your story! I’m so glad you’ve got a great thing going. God is good. And thanks for that info! Sounds like an awesome church! Hugs and love xox

HA! 😀 I love your honesty. My friend used to call Bible School, Bridal School. And wow, what a sad observation about younger generations. I suspect that there may be more younger people in more non-denominational churches. ??? Or maybe they are all at home catching live church online. 🙁

Hi BBB, nice to see you pass by again. Marx your bag (Karl, not Groucho). As for going to churches and finding yourself in the bottom age quartile. Yes, even I’ve experienced that. Yet the world needs the message of Jesus even more. Churches aren’t very counter cultural though. That was a subtext on my Marx review. Society is sick. Karl had some ideas, some of which are still relevant, but he was no sweetie, and subsequent followers were real horrors. Anyhow. Finding the right Christian fellowship will do you better long term good than stumbling into Mr BBB alongside the empanadas. All the best from Blighty

In your rather self-serving exercise to go to all these different churches in all these different neighborhood around the city, with all these different religions, or even perspectives based into what you were born into, in a world-wide church, did you ever consider the story of poor Sarah and her husband, Abraham. Or, if you ever looked more closely, her half-brother, Abram, before the name change. And wasn’t that why they had to change their names? Yes, he who sacrificed his home only at the age of 70, while giving up all of his friends. And then, trying to speed up the process, in the hopes of providing a son, Sarah along with her handmaid worked out a plan to have a son. And oy vey, there was this damage done in trying to speed up the process! Take your time…or take a night class as Fordham. And it is just as easy to marry a rich one as a poor one. As a writer who looks at the setting of time and place, I would worry more about speeding up the place — the time of game either at Yankee Stadium or some Catholic Masses is a growing problem. So drop some heavily-sugared food off at the local fire stations, a traditional place of good young men with a sense of teamwork, and mostly Catholic.

You are so right – no young people in the traditional churches. I think Christian denominations need to rethink liturgy if they want to bring young people in. There’s a community church here that has 30 meditation, 30 minutes contemporary Christian music, 30 minutes scripture study, sharing led by the minister. I want to check it out. They also offer Zumba, and service projects … I want to check it out and see how it is. Not because I’m young – I’m not- but because traditional church does not touch my soul any more.

My husband and I are just under 2 weeks away from moving across country, to Cape Town, to join the pastoral team of a church in a small suburb. And I found this post encouraging! Thank you for sharing. My husband and I have been speaking extensively about how we can help bring about positive change in Fish Hoek, Cape Town. Thanks for sharing this post – it has encouraged me to strive harder to be Jesus hands and feet on the ground! Megan xxx

What a lot of advice you have received! Mine would be to look for “A Higher Order Marriage” which is what I think your heart wants rather than pursuing a husband even though that may be what your head and hormones are urging you toward.

Have you heard of Pastor Tommy Nelson? He preaches at Denton Bible Church In Denton Texas. He has done a sermon series on the book Song of Solomon. If you’ve read Song of Solomon then you know that it makes very little sense and leaves most with questions. Pastor Nelson goes through the whole book and explains all of the references being made and what the sayings mean. By doing that, the book turns from a mess of confusion into the most beautiful poem on what true, pure and genuine love looks like. I’d encourage you or anyone else looking to either find or strengthen love to listen to his podcast series. Here is the link to the podcast on itunes, completely free! https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/denton-bible-church-love-song-the-song-of-solomon/id148822180?mt=2

Ok first you are hope enough: young and spiritually concerned. Second the fact that i had to scroll miles down to write this, proves you’re impacting people. Third Sunday Mass is probably a much better time to find…um, anyone. Good luck to you. 😉

Thanks for your “like” today on my “You’re Already A Star. Shine.” post! That led me to this post. I love your blog! We talk a lot in our church about living in a post-churched world. I asked my friend, who is a youth leader, for resources. She suggested this one. So I thought I’d pass it along. 🙂 https://moodycollective.com/the-post-church-christian/

Oh, girl. Right there with you in so many ways. Going to different Bible Studies hoping to bump into him. Praying for my future husband. And for myself. AND. More than YES. We need faith now more than ever. We need to pray. We need to shine His light and do His will. I try to pray for all these things when I am drinking my coffee, before the sunrise. As in Psalms.
Thank you for sharing your stories. Hey, know you are not alone! I just felt the need to say that. I will pray for you and your husband and you pray for me and mine!

I’d say “give us a visit here at WFPC” – we have a richly diverse demographic, with a lot of young adults… I know, North Carolina is a little out of the way for your commute!
But in answer to the “where are the young people” question, I believe it’s all about authenticity. There is no gimmick, no “program,” no fad that can possibly reach people with any more reliability than an authentic witness to the invitational love of God through Jesus. Great preaching doesn’t hurt, but – even though Rebekah is an amazing preacher – that’s not why people come. They come (young and middle aged and old) because it’s real, and it’s the simple Gospel.
Peace – and more – Derek

This article beautifully captures the issue that the Church must confront first and foremost! God continue to bless you! I hope you find that freakin’ husband! I can’t really help you directly, but I will pray for you. Let’s both pray for the empty seats. I can tell you that you are looking in the right place. You can go to may places that are filled with many potential horrible matches for you. God’s plan may seem slow as it unfolds, but in the end it is so worth it.

I agree with your observation about young people not being in church. We need to pray to fill the piews.

I am not sure a weekday mass is the best place to husband hunt. Sunday would be best. Considering the general lack of enthusiasm among under 30s for the Catholic church, also try a Protestant church. One that is considered an evangelical church would be best because they tend to have young members who take their faith very seriously.

Thanks for the reminder to pray for our churches! But take heart. A few months ago, I went to a concert with young kiddos (well, early 20s–that’s young to me!). The two guys in the band sang a lot of heart-rending songs about life, faith and what it looks like to walk with God. There *are* believers out there, young and old. But it does make my heart sad to see how many people have walked away, even when I understand some of their reasons. And one last thing, don’t lower your standards for a godly man, even when it seems like they are few and/or nonexistent. It’s not worth getting married if you won’t be in it with someone who will pursue God alongside you. Best of luck, friend!

Hey, B3, Thanks for following my sermons, by the way. When I read this, I had two thoughts. My first thought was, “Does she know about Redeemer Presbyterian Church in NYC?” I have no idea where it, or you, are, geographically speaking. But if you like my sermons, you’d probably like Tim Keller’s. Plus, his church has a reputation of having a large number of young singles.

My second thought was “Please be careful!” I do understand the struggle of singleness and loneliness, though I haven’t had that struggle for a long while now. But I can go back and read my journals. It seemed like I wrote constantly about this girl, or that, and just generally was pining for a wife, for several years. Then my journals took a turn, and it seemed like what I was really focused on was Jesus, and becoming a better disciple. Less than a year after that focus change, I met my lovely bride. We recently celebrated our 25th!

In marriage, Jesus needs to be first, even before your spouse. I think it helps you prepare if he is first, even before you meet your spouse. Finally, to bring it all together, Tim Keller, pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian in NYC, has an awesome book marriage that is also very appropriate for singles.

Thank you so much for this thoughtful response. That’s really great advice: to shift focus. 🙌🏼 and I’ll def have to look into that church. Thanks for passing it along 🙂 happy new year! Hugs and love xox

Just stopping by to thank you for stopping by on my blog! Really appreciate the support coming from a beautiful sister in Christ like you! I also want to let you know that I truly admire your efforts to be a steadfast catholic in this generation—you are the young person that the young church (including me!) needs to look up to. i look forward to following you on this journey! Many prayers headed your way!

I was over thirty before I meet my wife to be, I went to a Salvation Army hall, ready to give up the idea of ever finding anyone and knelt at the mercy seat and gave my life to Jesus to take control
After that Carol (wife to be) chatted my up, it seems she was looking for a man to marry, I wrote about this story on my blog
So Don’t give up just go where God’s Spirit takes you

No judgment here sweet sister. I just hope one day soon youll get to know the joy of being hunted and deeper appreciate Jesus design for your womanhood as I also had to learn. Have you heard of Michelle Hammond? She and her books are encouraging.

Where to start. I will keep this short. I currently work a job that makes it hard for me to go attend church regularly. When I do I am rolling on 3 hrs of sleep. That’s my excuse. Not a good one I confess. I agree though. We need church. You can definitely be a Christian without going to church, but we need the fellowship. We need to see other people our age sharing the same faith together. We live in a world that hides behind screens. We all need to put down the screens and fellowship face to face. What better way to do that then by going to church with our fellow generation. Sigh. excuses excuses. So many, but none are good. Thank you for this post. Good luck with Mr BBB!