Monday, October 27, 2014

Robin Gianna & Keeping the Muse Alive

First, thank you, Jemi, for having me here today! I’m going to share a bit about my recent life

challenges, in the hope some of you may find what I’ve learned in the process
helpful to your own writing life.

Everyone handles life’s challenges differently. I know people who find solace in their
writing. When life is otherwise full of
problems, they retreat into their imaginary world of story to replenish and
heal.

Unfortunately, I’ve found myself to be the opposite of that,
which has proven to be a not-good thing!
About five years ago, before I was published, my parents had one health
crisis after another before my father passed away. I was responsible for taking care of
everything—getting them in and out of the hospital and rehab, doing their
grocery shopping, and you-name-it. It
was challenging, especially since I had
all three of my children still at home then.
My writing was the first thing I threw aside, because it seemed the most
expendable. And what that really shows,
I now realize, is that my own needs and wants are always the first to go, which
isn’t the best way to keep myself healthy and able to care for everyone.

This year, my mother’s health has dramatically declined, and
again, it’s been up to me to manage all that entails - doctors, hospitals,
caregivers, bills, hospice. I have only
one child home now, but even college kids need
help moving into new apartments, and obviously being with them is
something I love to do. I feel guilt
when I don’t spend time with my dying mother, and guilt when I don’t spend
enough time with my children or my husband.
And now that I’m a published author, I feel guilt that I’m falling short
there, too.

Believe me, there’s more guilt than you can imagine that my
current manuscript is quite late!

I’ve been beating myself up about all of this, because I think
that’s what women do. We try to be
everything to everyone, and eventually it takes its toll. So I’ve finally learned a few things about
handling crises while still somehow keeping our muse alive:

1.Ask for
support and accountability from writer friends. Agree on some kind of daily word count you
will be accountable for. Even if it’s
something very small, it will keep you in the story, give you a positive
feeling that you’re still making progress on your wip, and you’ll have the
emotional support of your friend/s as well.

2.Find a place in your wip where you can use
some of the emotions you’re feeling. If you’re going through a divorce, think about
how that pain can apply to a character’s past or present. If you’re losing or have lost a loved one, is
there a character who has had to deal with that in their past? Mine those emotions. You may find it enriches your manuscript at
the same time it’s an outlet for the feelings you may otherwise be keeping
bottled up.

3.Don’t compare yourself to others. I have a tendency to say to myself, “But
Author X writes 5,000 words a day! Why
can’t I do better, get more done, since I’m so behind?” The answer is, because I’m not Author X. There are some days I can crank out that kind
of word-count. But on a consistent
basis, I just can’t. And that’s
okay. I have to find what works for me,
especially when I have so many other demands on my time. But do sit down and write, even if it’s only
for half an hour. You’ll be happier
knowing you haven’t thrown your writing completely aside, which never feels
good.

4.Ask for help. I don’t know about you, but I think that,
when times get tough, we tend to put our heads down, grit our teeth, and GO,
taking everything upon our own shoulders.
A couple months ago, I felt like I was drowning in all I had to do while
feeling emotionally drained as well.
Something happened that showed my husband how really on the edge I was, and
he said in surprise, “Are you feeling stressed?” At first I stared in disbelief, then felt
angry. How could he not know I was
beyond stressed? Then I realized it was
my fault. It was because I was doing
that head-down and go thing, not sharing how I was feeling, and not asking for
help. That was eye-opening to me, and I
began to open up more and ask for help from him and from my kids.

5.If you’re published, be honest with your
agent and/or editor. While I was
trying to convince myself I really could finish the book in time, I was
reluctant to be honest with my agent and editor about what was going on with
me. When I finally did, it was a
tremendous relief. Both were sweet,
understanding and helpful. Knowing they
were supporting me instead of frowning, and learning it wasn’t a problem for me
to have a little more time, went such a long way to my feeling better. Consequently, I was able to relax enough to
get the juices flowing and make my muse smile again.

6.Be kind to yourself. Give yourself credit for doing the best you
can, even if it feels like you’re falling short. Take that long walk, or hot bath, or get that
haircut you’ve been needing but felt you didn’t have time for. Know that others understand. And if that book takes longer to write than
you wanted it to? The sun will still
come up in the morning, and soon, the days will look brighter. They will.

After completing a
degree in journalism, working in the advertising industry, then becoming a
stay-at-home mom, Robin Gianna had what she likes to call her ‘awakening’.
While on vacation, lying in the sun with a beach read, she realized she wanted
to write the romance novels she'd loved since her teens.

Robin loves pushing
her characters toward their own happily-ever-afters! When she's not writing,
Robin's life is filled with a happily messy kitchen, a needy garden, a
wonderful husband, three great kids, a drooling bulldog and one grouchy Siamese
cat.

For intern Dr. Katy Pappas, seeing delectable surgeon Alec Armstrong again is
sweet torture! He might have rejected her after their sinfully delicious kiss
years before, but he still sets her pulse racing!
Alec is captivated by gorgeous, grown-up Katy. But as his best friend's sister,
a colleague and his student, Katy is definitely off-limits! He's made the
mistake of mixing business with pleasure before, and he won't risk Katy's
career. Yet can he resist the oh-so-wrong when it feels oh-so-right…?

Wow. Timely post for me. We lost someone very special in our lives just last week and the stress for the last several months has been beyond believable (still is). You've expressed it so well here. I also tend to do that head-down thing. Time to lift up my chin! Thanks!!

I agree, Diane, and yet, for quite some time, I wasn't doing that. I unconsciously shoved it all down instead of acknowledging it, but didn't realize until I finally let it come to the surface. Glad you're more aware of how therapeutic it can be than I'd been! :-)

Very interesting… great tips! I think we all tend to toss everything aside during times like that. Of course it's hard to write (or whatever the creative outlet may be) in the middle of the turmoil of undigested emotions… even though it would help us to keep sane and focused, still easier said than done.

It's very true that it's difficult - and sometimes impossible - to write during the worst of times, A. I often took my laptop to the hospital or nursing hom intended to write, but just couldn't. I found that shoving it aside, though, simply ended up adding to my stress and anxiety. Thanks for your comment!

It does feel like you're trapped in the middle of some terrible tornado just spinning and spinning, doesn't it? And finding a way to slow the spin to a manageable speed can seem impossible. Thanks for stopping by :-)

Carol, as you probably know it's hard to stay on track as an unpublished writer anyway! Throw a catastrophe in the mix, and it gets even worse. Having a clear plan for both good times and bad is key, I think.

"...doing that head-down and go thing, not sharing how I was feeling, and not asking for help."I'm also guilty of this. And it's not pride. It's simply the I'm-strong-and-people-expect-me-to-handle-this kind of mentality...

Jemi, sorry to read about your loss. I'm sending positive vibes & special hugs, all the way across the blogosphere---(((UBUNTU HUGS)))

I agree, Michelle, it's not pride that makes us behave that way. You put it perfectly - the 'We're strong and we can handle it' mentality. And we can if we have to. But it's not the best way to handle it for the people we love or for ourselves, is it?

What an excellent post. I appreciate Robin's honesty. Hearing how she has learned to deal with stress is very helpful. I think we sometimes take on too much until we feel like we are going to break. It's good to have strategies to help us not get to the breaking point. Talking about out feelings is so important (and a great reminder).

Thanks and wishing Robin the best of luck and maybe a massage in her future too. :)Jess