When we think of of abuse, we typically think of women in relationships with men. We assume these women are heterosexual, even though they may fall on a different point of the spectrum of sexual orientation. For example, bisexual women or pansexual women may be in a relationship that appears to meet our cultural perception of heteronormativity.

Financial abuse is a problem here, too. In fact, there are additional forms of abuse LGBTQ+ individuals are subject to. These abuses affect their personal finances in real and potentially devastating ways.

What is financial abuse?

Financial abuse is when your partner attempts to entrap you in a relationship by robbing you of your economic power. Abuse in all its forms is a way to assert control.

Prejudices against the LGBTQ+ Community

We have come a long way in our country towards equal rights for some parts of the LGBTQ+ community. But we still have a very long way to go.

We hold prejudices we don’t even think about as we go about our day-to-day lives. We systemically oppress and allow these prejudices to influence policies and laws. This behavior is dangerous at all times, but it has a particularly pronounced effect on LGBTQ+ survivors.

Heteronormativity

Andi Tremonte, advocate with OUTreach Utah, defines heteronormativity as, “the assumption, in individuals or institutions, that everyone is heterosexual, and that heterosexuality is superior to homosexuality or bisexuality.”

Heteronormativity gives birth to homophobia, which Tremonte describes as, “the irrational fear of homosexuals, homosexuality, or any behavior, belief or attitude of self or others, which does not conform to rigid stereotypes for relationships and attraction.”

Cisnormativity

For as hard of a time as our culture has denouncing heteronormativity, we have an even harder time distancing ourselves from cisnormativity.

Tremonte defines cisnormativity as, “the assumption, in individuals or institutions, that everyone is cisgender, and that being cisgender is superior to being trans.”

Cisgender simply means that you express the gender you were assigned at birth in a way that is viewed as acceptable to our society.

The thing is, gender expression is a spectrum, too. In fact, Tremonte notes that you’ll find a wide array of identities and expressions when you look at the trans community.

Cisnormativity can lead to transphobia, which Tremonte says is, “the irrational fear of trans people, transgenderism, or any behavior, belief or attitude of self or others, which does not conform to rigid sex and gender-role stereotypes.”

He also notes that the occurrence rate of domestic violence is higher for trans people in general, and even higher for trans women of color.

Financial Impacts of Heteronormativity and Cisnormativity on Survivors

Heteronormativity and cisnormativity in and of themselves inflict financial oppression. In states without appropriate Non-Discrimination Acts (NDAs,) workers can be fired simply because their boss thinks they may fall outside of heteronormative or cisnormative cultural expectations.

Only thirty-three states have some measure of employment protections based on sexual orientation. Even fewer extend these protections based on gender identity.

Cultural and Identity Abuse

One way these types of abuse manifest is when someone threatens to out you. They may out you for being gay, for being transgender, for being HIV+, etc.

Those who aren’t LGBTQ+ can face these types of abuse as they relate to religious practice or immigration status.

Cultural and identity abuse leak into so many areas of your life–including your personal finances. Because of the country’s generally weak stance on protective NDA laws, being a victim of cultural or identity abuse has the very real potential of making you permanently unemployable, homeless, or–as Tremonte pointed out–dead.

He also notes that a lack of NDAs are not just a concern for the LGBTQ+ community; if you are simply thought to be outside the bounds of heteronormative or cisnormative biases, you can face the same consequences.

Let’s take a minute to do an exercise.

Here I want to pause. I want you, regardless of your orientation or identity, but especially if you meet heternomative or cisnormative expectations, to do the following three things:

Think about what you would do if you were legally denied housing, employment, education and/or healthcare because of something you can’t change.What would you do for shelter? For money?

Now, think about your preconceived notions about those who are of a different orientation or identity than yourself. Those prejudices that you may never say aloud, but still have trouble combating in your head.Do you see why they might exist after having performed step one? Do you see how these prejudices exist not based on anyone’s morality or work ethic, but because of the oppression our society inflicts?

Now, think about how you see domestic violence survivors in general.Do you see why it might be hard to leave a relationship?Do you see why threatening to out someone can be a very effective form of manipulation?Do you see why some people in abusive relationships choose to stay–and that their decision may make them practical rather than weak?

What You Can Do About It

All of this can feel extremely overwhelming. But there are things you can do to help make the situation better.

Survivors: Know That You Have Rights

Leaving an abusive relationship is difficult for anyone, but when you’re not an apparently straight woman, things get even harder. There is limited shelter for men, and prejudices have historically made it difficult for LGBTQ+ women to get the help they need.

Voice Your Support to Your Legislators

Ideally, we would have clear and concise federal legislation that point blank protected the LGBTQ+ community from any discrimination. This would protect all Americans rather than just Americans in a select few states.

Until that day, we still need to keep putting pressure on our state legislators to do the right thing locally.

Type in your address to find those that represent you at the federal level.

Select your state from the map to see the legislators that affect state laws where you live.

Change the Culture

Gay marriage was only achieved after decades of advocacy from the LGBTQ+ community. When the Supreme Court was finally convinced that American public opinion had shifted, equal rights in one realm were realized.

But we still have a long way to go, and equal rights in other realms are still out of reach. You have a voice. Use it.

When you see heteronormativity or cisnormativity in action, call it out. It doesn’t matter where you notice it–at work, around the dinner table, or coming out of your own mouth. Things are not going to change, and LGBTQ+ survivors will continue to face additional barriers in leaving abusive relationships, until we change public opinion and therefore legislation.

Related Domestic Abuse Content

To learn more about domestic violence or abuse, or to find more ways to get help, check out other articles in this series:

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4 thoughts on “Unique Economic Obstacles for LGBTQ+ IPV Survivors”

It makes me rage-level angry that the current administration is stripping away basic workplace protections, but I suppose it just highlights the need for us to vote, to write in to representatives and senators, and to speak out when people in our circles are exhibiting the bad behaviors you noted in the post.

It sucks to admit, but I certainly exhibit a lot of the bad thinking outlined above. I find myself thinking in terms of binary gender, of thinking that if we had a son we’d want him to act a certain way, etc. Lame, but it’s true. Still have a lot to work on.

Yes, yes, yes to that entire first paragraph. We’re living in times where our morals and cultural values are being tested in a sick way. Let’s hope enough people speak out.

Raising kids is an interesting thing. So many thoughts–the first being that I think we tend to want to be able to identify with our children, and when you’re looking at a point of oppression that you don’t personally face, you want “normalcy” for them so they don’t suffer. But it’s not who the child is that creates the suffering; it’s the systems of oppression that we have set up that are the cause of pain. I’ve seen this in a few disability circles–abled people don’t want their kids to have any type of disability, but at least with disabilities where there’s a unique culture behind the community, being born “disabled” isn’t something to be sad about. In fact, in these cases it’s often viewed as something to celebrate.

Another thing–in our culture we tend to oversexualize children–especially within our preconstructed binary bounds that tie orientation, identity and expression together in a finite way. I think it’s good that you recognize it in yourself–I know I’ve caught myself doing it from time to time. (And I already have kids so that’s probably worse.) Then, after you catch it, it’s about addressing and rectifying it so you don’t remain another cog in the machine in that specific way.

And then do the same every time you catch it. It’s not about any one individual being a bad person. It’s about changing harmful social constructs that we’re all indoctrinated to by addressing them one thought and action at a time.

Honestly, after you have kids a lot changes. I know their dad was very into sports and all the “typical” masculine stuff and was looking forward to all that. But I remember when he held our baby in his arms for the first time, whole-heartedly saying he didn’t care what they grew up to be–he was just going to do everything within his power to protect them and make them happy. It was a real turning point for him, I think, and I do want to note that he was a pretty accepting person before that in other areas of his life.

He remembered the advice my aunt passively gave us a few months before—it’s not our job to turn them into who we or society want them to be; it’s a privilege to be able to bring a life into this world, and it’s our job to take care of them, support them in everything they are, and do everything in our power to help them achieve even their wildest dreams.

It’s horrible that LGBTQ+ individuals don’t have protections across the country, and even where there are laws, they can be difficult to enforce. Like many heterosexual, cisgender people, I didn’t pay much attention to these problems until I met my wife (who is pansexual). She’s opened my eyes to the struggles faced by members of the LGBTQ+ community (even if she hasn’t experienced them personally). Although we’ve come a long way in society, we still have a long way to go to making things right.

YES. That is so true. An employer can come up with some lie of an excuse even when the real reason was 100% discriminatory. Major flaw with these protective laws that I’m not sure how to deal with other than REALLY good lawyers, but if you’ve lost your job, it can be hard to afford them unless they only take a cut in victory.

Such a long way to go–especially for certain people in the community who have not benefited as greatly from recent changes in social attitudes. And so, we keep going.

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This blog is written for entertainment purposes only. I am not a financial professional in any way shape or form. The information that is found here are my opinions and the opinions of other readers and should not be taken as financial advice. I try to only post about things I think will be helpful to my readers and have experience with, but anything that happens as a result of you using the information provided is your responsibility alone.