Flyer of the Week: Destroyio Records Breeds Mutant Ants and Other Monsters

​After another shitty day at a shitty job in a shitty city, I decided to relax by listening to an old LP of sci-fi movie sound effects and watching shadows on my bedroom walls while blitzed on acid. At the time, this seemed like the best way to spend the remaining eight hours till sunrise. I was wrong. It was a very bad idea.

Within minutes, the walls went liquid and gave birth to giant six-foot ants with mouths dripping some kind of dark, sticky stuff. I figured they wanted to eat me. I screamed, the ants laughed, and a standoff ensued as cheap noise and theremin music filled the background. Eventually, the ants got bored. They broke my record, tuned the TV to reruns of the 1980s sitcom Small Wonder, and sat there in shadowy silence, salivating gallons of dark, sticky stuff.

Minutes before morning, the ants turned to me and revealed that they were robots. I screamed. They laughed. And it was time for work again.