What To Do When You Feel Neglected By Your Partner

If you feel neglected by your partner, you might have a clear idea about why this is. It could be that your partner is dealing with illness, stress, or drama in his or her family or something else that is unexpected and difficult. You may be sympathetic to what your partner is going through... and you also miss having the expression of love and attention that you're used to.

On the other hand, you might be used to feeling ignored by your partner. Perhaps, from your perspective, you've been low on his or her priority list since day one of your relationship. Maybe you say, “I love you” to your partner, but don't hear it often — or ever.

While every situation is different, feeling like you aren't important, special, or maybe even loved by your partner is sad and scary.

In reaction to how you feel, you might get needy and demand your partner's attention or you may withdraw into yourself and possibly even act in passive-aggressive ways. These reactions are never effective if what you want is loving attention and connection with your partner.

When you feel neglected and ignored, there are 6 things you DON'T want to do in order to get their attention:

It can be useful to set a firm boundary. This doesn't have to be delivered as a demand. The difference is that a demand pushes against the other person to manipulate or bring about a particular result. A boundary is merely the clear statement of specific needs and conditions that you have.

Reliable facts can free you from anguish and emotional pain. Remembering them can also benefit your relationship. It is always in your best interests to pause before you react. Sort out what you know is true from what you are merely guessing.

This can help you decide what response will potentially allow you to reconnect with your partner.

Here's the trap that many people in relationships fall into... They look to their partner to “make” them feel loved, special, attractive and successful. This just doesn't work and can make a person feel even more alone and neglected.

While it's understandable that anyone would want to feel his or her partner's love, if this is how you feel, please remember that it's not your partner's job to do this. It's YOUR JOB to make sure your needs are met and that you feel special and loved.

This can be tricky because a relationship does survive and thrive when love and appreciation are expressed on a regular basis. But they thrive even more when the individuals in the relationship are actively meeting their own needs first and do NOT make the other person responsible for how they feel.

If you feel sad or insecure, do what you can to soothe yourself in truly relaxing ways. Write in a journal, treat yourself to nurturing self-care, and meet with a professional counselor or coach if you're struggling to feel better.

When you're doing your best to meet your own needs first, then you can talk with your partner about his or her behavior that feels neglectful to you. From this place, you are less likely to sound needy or demanding.

You can also more easily listen to what your partner is going through and then create some agreements that will help you to reconnect.

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect, and create the relationship they desire. You can get a free copy of their ebook, Passionate Spark, Lasting Lovehere.