The next day, we awoke to a knocking door. We knew exactly why our door was being knocked on. Our grandmother slowly walked to the door, coughing along the way. When she finally opened the door, Peter, one of the villages most respected knights stood in front of her with teary eyes and slouched shoulders. Before she could even open her mouth, Peter in a heartbroken voice said “William has died.” Grandma’s eyes widened as she stood in utter shock. Although she was part of a lowly peasant family, she still recognized both promising and valiant knights.
“How was he killed?” Grandma asked.
Little did she know, the killer and witness were standing right behind her.
“There were no signs of injury, so we are not sure.” Peter said.
“So he just dropped dead?” Grandma said.
“God may have special plans for him. He was the most promising knight in the land” Peter said while turning his back.
“His burial will be held tomorrow.” he said walking away.
Grandma looked at us for a brief moment and then limped off into the kitchen. We seemed to be in the clear…
At the burial, the finest knights and soldiers as well as the king were in attendance. Everyone was in a somber and heartbroken state. They had no idea how or why such a bright knight had suddenly dropped dead. My brother and I felt as if we didn’t belong in such a congregation. We had a pact that we would never reveal what had happened. No one else cared about us, except grandma. So we wouldn’t care about them. Instead, we would use this time to see what we were capable of.
“William was a great knight.” The king said.
My brother wanted to see if he had similar abilities to mine. He looked directly in the eyes of a knight standing, listening to the speech. A few seconds later, the same man said, “No he was not a knight.” In that instant, every person snapped their head in his direction and looked at him confused and with disgust. Not only had he talked bad about a great prospect, but he had done something that was unheard of in the village, talking over the king.
“What did you say?” said the king.
“Umm…nothing sir, I didn’t say anything.” said the knight.
“You are right that he was not a knight at the time, but he sure as hell would have surpassed you in time.” said the king.
“You’re right your highness. I am sorry.” said the knight.
Thankfully the king did not take this too seriously. Usually a peasant would be burned at the stake for such an act.
It was now clear. My brother and I were gifted with powers that allowed us to manipulate people and even kill them if we pleased. It was as if we were living Gods. Now we just needed to learn how to use them quickly and efficiently, like a second nature.
About two weeks later. Our grandmother was terribly ill. It was as if her health got worse and worse after we had killed William. She was on the bed, wheezing but still able to speak a few words. It was clear that she would not make it through the night. Hours before she had continuously said “I love you both, with all my heart.” We loved her too. She was the only one who cared about our lives. She was the last person we cared about. Minutes before her death, she spoke.
“They lied.” she said.
“What do you mean?” I said.
“You’re parents weren’t killed by a disease.” she said in many breaths.
“What??” James said.
“The king, he killed them!” she said with everything she could muster.
Her body then collapsed like her soul had been ripped out. This was it. Grandma had passed. The only person who cared about us on this earth…gone. We had been lied to, but it was not her fault. It was the people who had kept it from us and wanted it to stay that way.
James looked at me with ghastly eyes. I returned the glare. Death was coming.

~ by billyfrawley on November 16, 2011.

2 Responses to “Part Two”

I love reading your story. But I’m going to give some feeback,not to be rude or anything just my opinion.. Dont take them the wrong way. Your first two sentences, I thought you could of combine them instead of making them seperate.As said in class maybe you want to change the phrase “slowly walked”. I love her you use dialgoues, that makes the story line more understandable and interested to read.Your story is so sad, I cant wait to read the next part. Love it!

h Billy. You’ve got a good start on an imaginative story with the action moving along at a good pace. I think with a story like this, it’s a good idea to get the plot started right away and reveal the central conflict, as you’ve done. While doing this, though, since this seems to be a world quite different from ours, it’s also important to describe the setting richly enough so we can picture the circumstances this fantastical story is occurring within. What do the houses and streets look like? What are the characters wearing? What do they look like? At this point I’m not sure if this a completely made up world or if you’re setting your story in a past European historical moment; either one has some challenges. If it’s an imaginary world, you can give your powers of invention free rein to create (and describe to us) every detail of it. If it’s set in the past, we should know when and where, and you will likely have to do some research so as to make your characters and details accurate. For example, if this is the medieval or Renaissance past, knights and peasants would not know each other or speak to each as casually as this, since they inhabited totally different social realms.

I’d be happy to discuss any of this further with you–let me know what your intentions are, and keep writing! You’ve got a good start.