Sam was a wonderful cat–a yellow and white tabby whose fur matched that of Sienna, a sweet cat whom I really loved, who sat on my leg at night when I lay down on the couch and was by my side when I woke up in the morning. Sadly, she had multiple health problems and had terminal kidney failure for which she had to be put to sleep. From the start, Sam was every bit as sweet as Sienna. He’d virtually clamp to my side every morning and I’d reach over and rub the smooth white fur on his belly. Then he started having urinary problems. Two surgeries, which would have cured 98% of all cats with his condition (crystals blocking a narrow urethra, causing damage resulting in massive scar tissue growth) did not sure Sam. I was so upset when he was put to sleep (he was only five and a half years old)I could barely function. I was also furious–at God. It wasn’t that long before Sam died that I had lost my best friend to breast cancer–a woman who ate well, exercised, took care of herself, and died at 46. The two deaths so close together infuriated me, and the object of my anger was God.

God took our first cat, Liebchen, a real ornery character who still loved us; within a month He took Sienna. Then He took my best friend, then Sam. I was so furious I called God about every name from the depths of hell. I imagined that God became incarnate in a human body so He could “enjoy” Himself when animals and people, especially children, suffered. I mocked the design argument, pointing to the windpipe and esophagus having one entrance with only a flap making the difference between life and death. No human designer would be stupid and incompetent enough to make such a system. Evolution seemed cruel and arbitrary, and if there was a God, He seemed a cold, uncaring b…rd.

Some people were horrified when they heard my thoughts, saying I would go to hell–that helped me a great deal–to increase my anger. Some people understood, including some Christians, thank God. I remembered the book of Job, which some Christians conveniently forget–or they do not read it carefully. Job is faithful to God, yet is clearly angry at God. He believes God is behaving in an arbitrary way toward him–“if it is not He, who is it” who is causing his suffering. Even after that, God says that what Job said regarding Him was “right.” This does not suggest, as some suggest, that there is an evil part of God, but it does suggest that God understands human anger–it often does seem as if the universe is unjust, uncaring–and that Stephen Crane‘s conception of nature as not giving a d..m about humanity is correct. The only plausible answer to the mystery of evil is eschatological. That seems inadequate for many atheists, agnostics, and even theists. Dostoevsky understood that unless somehow the pain and suffering of this life were rectified in an afterlife one could, with some justice, blaspheme God.

I was falling apart to the point that my work was suffering when I saw Sam lying on the other side of the bed one night. I was neither asleep nor obviously dreaming. I reached over, touched the soft fur, and watched him slowly fade away. I have seen him two times since then. I think it was a true visitation, though skeptics will have their own answers. It helped me get on my feet and mitigated my anger at God. God and I still have a love-hate relationship (on my part–God is love so He cannot hate). But without God, nothing is redeemed, and all the suffering and pain of humans and animals from the dawn of evolution until the present is ultimately worthless. I’d rather be angry at times at the only Source of meaning rather than be indifferent.

Christians should not condemn someone’s anger at God, but should bear with the person since most of the time the anger is temporary. Give positive advice at an emotional level–do not condemn the person who is angry to hell. It’s not your call in any case. Suggest books such as C. S. Lewis‘s, A Grief Observed and Nicholas Wolterstorff‘s Lament for a Son. Too many Christians have driven doubters and those angry with God permanently from the faith by their legalism. If you are angry with God, realize that such anger may not be permanent–it is best that it not be permanent, for that would lead to the bitterness of total lack of faith and a sense of meaninglessness in life. If a Christian is legalistic about your anger, confront him–let the person know that he is responding in an inappropriate way. Be patient with yourself and with others–only then can one day, perhaps you can be patient with God when bad things happen.

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Hey, some great thoughts- loved your post!! Rather than be angry at God, I’m angry at sin and it’s consequences… God could have left it there, but he’s totally angry at sin too! So he freely gave himself to pay the price of sin by suffering just like, or actually a lot more worse than, us! Well, that’s my opinion as I’m sure many differ on that one. Oh and thanks for that awesome cat picture- looks like my cat!

My closest male friend committed suicide years ago. It took me a long time to recover completely. I would remember being in Europe together or having a philosophical discussions at university. He was irreplaceable as time has shown me. I was never angry at him for the way he left. I was deeply sympathetic as I sensed what he had been going through–and for years. I mention him for a special reason. With most of the persons who are deceased like my grandparents I feel always as though they are with me. Even to the point where I ask for their advise and receive it often in words. Or my mother for example. But with my friend the contact is very rare. I do not know why. Perhaps a suicide goes through a different after life experience. Some have maintained this. Another friend who died due to a kind of recklessness is also generally absent
The most disturbed I ever got over a death was when my dog died. Guilt was very strong. I had used CPR to bring him back several times. We had a last happy walk one night, and then he died the next morning. Even now I feel sad as I write this. He was one of those rare dogs that have all the best traits. I still feel sad remembering a cat of ours that was poisoned. Maybe I could have done something to save him.
Reductionist scientific explanations of the above visions involve so many assumptions that really the traditional one seems best. We have souls; there is an after life. Animals also partake of this. We always have our most intimate ones close to us even if they are no longer supplied with a physical body. The worst thing about going away to school was the temporary loss of this knowing. It left me more and more inwardly empty and more and more vulnerable to a rather hostile society. By reversing this process I came to the point where I was never lonely though often I am alone. In fact I have come to love solitude. Perhaps this is why there are so many hungry ghosts and rootless persons in the world now. The science of religion has cut them off from much that is true and has only drugs and technological things to replace what it gone.

I have not had an experience of my best friend who died two years ago–I think such gifts come unexpectedly and sometimes years after the person dies. I’m sorry about your dog–I firmly believe in animal afterlife myself. Pets are more like family members to many pet owners today.