Nobody show Trump the news from China today

With the Chinese congress having just abolished term limits for their presidency, the world has unanimously agreed to distract Donald Trump from the news for the next 24 hours or so.

Chinese president Xi Jinping has had the way cleared to be president for life, with the congress voting almost unanimously to abolish the laws preventing him from serving more than two terms, but we have all agreed to just not mention that to Trump.

The 3000 delegates of China’s National People’s Congress confirmed the changes on Sunday, voting to “just stop pretending”.

“For a country of one billion people, this was terrifyingly easy,” Mr Xi said at a party party last night. “I tried to call Donald but somebody turned his phone on silent.”

This morning US presidential aides are reportedly running out of tactics to try to stop Trump from turning the sound up on Fox and Friends.

“There’s only so many times we can ask him to tell us his opinion about steel tariffs before he gets suspicious,” a source from the White House said.

“Luckily a John Wayne movie marathon is about to start so I think that might buy us a few hours until the daily two minutes of hate [when Trump scrolls Rachel Maddow’s Twitter page].”