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Wherever Home is Parked?

Sunday, June 24, 2012

It’s been a difficult few weeks. On Monday June 18th dad put me through many roller coasters. In February dad was diagnosed with stage IV prostate/bladder cancer. Dad didn’t want to know if the cancer had returned or what his outlook was. so we kept as much as possible from him. None of discussed dad’s outlook, we just wanted him to enjoy his days he had left with us. When dad got sick in March and i was on the road i prayed God would spare him until i got home. God answered that prayer.

What I didn’t know was that God was going to make me go through one of the hardest times of my life. That Monday morning i questioned the doctors to great extreme’s exactly what was going on with dad. His outlook was gloomy. He didn’t have much time to live, the cancer had spread throughout his entire body. The last scan showed cancer everywhere in every organ. Later that morning after the doctor’s had left and spoken to me and then dad, we put dad in the recliner and i sat by his side talking about all the things he wanted. He was telling me how he knew cancer had gotten him this time. He had beaten 2 strikes but this 3rd strike was going to beat him. He was tired and ready to stop fighting. He knew us kids were not ready to let him go but we had to. I teared up and turned my head from dad. He made me look at him and i couldn’t, cause i knew his time was near. Dad finally made me look at him and he told me not to cry. He told me that he knew he was dying and wanted me to tell him what i knew. I told him i couldn’t cause we had decided tomorrow after our family meeting with the doctors we would tell him then if he wanted to know. He told me no, he needed to hear it from me and he wanted to know what i knew cause he already knew. I dug deep for the strength my dad had given me and i asked him if he was sure he was ready to hear what i knew because i questioned the doctors and i knew it all. He said yes and i want you to tell me without tears. I told dad i couldn’t promise that but would do my best. I gathered my strength that i get from my daddy. I told him he was right the cancer was everywhere and he had less then a month to live. Dad wiped a tear that rolled down my face and told me it was time. He was tired and ready to die, that he didn’t have months but less then few weeks. He knew his time here with us was almost to end. He told me things he wanted done that he had already told my sister Patty.

( Dad a few weeks ago with my Uncle Lloyd)

dad accept Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. We spent the day together talking about many things and God was one of those things. Dad had been praying and we talked. I asked him if he knew Jesus as his Savior and he said no. I asked if he knew how and he said no. He asked me if i could share with him how he could. I told him the basic steps on how to receive christ. Repent of your sins, with the sincerest of your heart ask God to forgive him for all his sins he had committed, ask God to come into his heart and be his savior and to confess with his mouth that he has accepted Jesus Christ, God’s son who was sent to this world to die on the cross for our sins and through his son, Jesus Christ blood was shed for us and confessing these things anyone who calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved and have eternal life.

Dad was extremely fatigued and struggled to stay awake so i told him to rest and think about the things i explained to him. That this was not a choice i could make for him, it was not a choice he could make for me but a choice he had to mean with all of his heart and want for himself. As dad rested i prayed to God that I had said all the right things, i prayed to God if i hadn’t he would give me another chance, I also prayed for God to send me someone who could handle this that was better prepared then i was as this was my father and i knew he had little time left and i was scared i was not doing all the right things. Later the hospital Chaplin stopped by but dad was resting and wouldn’t wake up so we talked and she told me i had said and did all the right things it was up to dad. She told me to continue to pray and she would too.

Later in the afternoon my sister called to say her son felt he needed to bring his pastor later that night to see dad and wanted to make sure it was okay. I broke down in tears as i felt God has answered my prayers. I told her what had happened and we cried together and later that evening her son Brad and Pastor Larry showed up. Dad had woke up and i told him Brad and his pastor was coming to see him and asked if it was okay and he smiled and said yes. They showed up and Pastor Larry talked to dad and he was able to stay awake the entire time. Although I have to admit dad gave me one of the best memories a child may receive. That night my daddy accepted Jesus Christ as his Savior and the glow on my daddy’s face is the last imagine that will live forever in my heart and mind.

Later after they left dad woke up and we talked and he thanked me for being there. He then took my hand and looked me in the eyes and said “take me home to be with my family so i can die in peace, now that I have accepted God it’s all you kids need to do is get me home, have my family around me, my time is close and i can now die in peace.

I'm morning the loss of my beloved father. We brought dad home on Wednesday June 20th and he had a couple of good days with visiting with family and friends. I went home on Thursday night as it seemed dad was doing good and my sister and nieces had his med’s and care under control. I woke up around 1 am and knew something was wrong. Finally around 3 am I called to talk to my niece and dad was having a ruff time. I grabbed my clean clothes out of the dryer and out the door we went.

(A month earlier .. dad doing what he loved .. playing with his great grandkids)

When i arrived dad was delusion and struggling when we got there, we had to do what he didn’t want and give him medication to settle him down. Dad held on for another 2 days and they were very ruff for my family. It was horrible seeing our beloved father lay there in that condition. Saturday was a ruff day for our entire family. One of my sisters passed out and had a seizer from the stress. Then on Sunday my brother went down and my same sister did again. We all survived nights and days of no sleep and trying to hold strong for dad. Dad fought his hardest to the very end as he promised his kids he would.

We had a wonderful support group of aunt’s, uncle’s, cousin’s and friends. I do not know what we would have done without them all. Sunday June 24th dad finally let go. It was hard but us kids held strong and knowing that our father is in God’s hands has given us peace with his passing. He is now with the 2 women he loved the most, his wife Mamma Viv and my mom, he is embracing his baby boy steven that he longed to see that died at a month and 2 days and his daughter Bobby Jo. Rest in peace daddy we love and will miss you but your past fews years of suffering are over.

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About Me

Embracing God's grace through life struggles and challenges. I've struggled with health issues for 20 years and i'm determined to stand strong on my faith, trust and belief in Jesus Christ. I enjoy any time i am able to spend in my home on wheels with my 4 fur babies, the great outdoors and my passion is to strive to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ even while being disabled.