Saturday, March 8, 2014

What Giving Our Children Weekly Allowances Taught Me (and why we don’t do it any longer)

Our
children like things.They like to buy
things and look at things to buy and make lists of things to buy.For my oldest daughter, the words “Do you
know what I want?” were a regular conversation starter.She’s a natural consumer.This started early on in her life and her
tastes were not inexpensive.She was
pretty extrinsically motivated and this worried me a bit.(Thankfully, The Gratitude Projecthas
helped with this a good deal over the last weeks.)Our youngest daughter, however, was not as
motivated by ‘things’.She was happy to
get something new but it just wasn’t as important to her.At first, this made it a bit tricky to figure
out how to create a system of learning responsibilities and rewarding those
responsibilities as well as starting to talk about money and how it all worked.

Responsibility Chart

When
we first started to teach them about responsibilities and doing their part, we
tried to do the same thing for both girls.
At the time they were around ages 4 ½ and 6. We used one of those great wooden magnet
boards like this one. They
had general responsibilities for things like; getting dressed, brushing teeth,
cleaning up after themselves, saying please and thank you, etc. Our oldest daughter got some responsibilities
that our younger daughter didn’t have yet, like homework.

There
were seven days in the week with seven items each day so 49 magnetic dots that
were possible. We offered $.10 for each
magnet, so that meant $4.90 and we gave a $.10 bonus for getting all of your
magnets for the week. Seemed like a good
system. It was logical, easily explainable
to them and wasn’t an ‘all or nothing’ scenario.

As
they got a little older, some of the easy responsibilities were considered
expected and then replaced with new responsibilities. My older daughter saved up for months for an
American Girl doll and was extremely proud that she did it. We were proud too! My younger daughter saved and saved and
rarely bought anything. She just liked
accomplishing her goals and keeping her money, which was great with us as well.

After a couple of years using system, I started thinking
differently. It’s clear and easy and
teaching the wrong message for the long term.

Of
course they would do their homework, brush their teeth, clean their rooms and
put away their laundry. These were now
part of their ‘normal’ responsibilities and we were not going to monetarily
reward these behaviors anymore. At the
same time, we wanted them to start taking a bigger part in helping to maintain
our home - being a ‘good citizen of the house’ - as we call it. We expected them to contribute to our common
living areas by vacuuming, dusting, mopping, etc.

MOST
importantly, we weren’t going to just give
them money as an allowance just because they exist. Generally speaking, that’s not the way the
world works. They wanted to earn money and we wanted them
to continue to do so and to learn how to manage it.

With our first system, we were teaching them
to take orders, do a job, don’t
think-just do.

As
the children of two business owners, this was not going to work. We thought about what we wanted to ensure we
were teaching and instilling around this subject and came up with four items
that really mattered.

We wanted to reward:

hard work,

showing a sense of ‘citizenship’,

being proactive,

creative and critical thinking.

So,
as so many good parents do, we made a list.(See an example of our list here.)
It is actually hanging on our refrigerator right now. For every item on the list there is monetary
value added. For example, vacuuming the
kitchen, dining room, or living room is $.25 each. Unloading the dishwasher is $.75. As a bonus, if they do any of these items
because they are needed (and we don’t ask), they earn an additional $1.00 for each item for being proactive and taking
initiative. We also have a
negotiation option. If they see something
that needs to be done outside of their regular responsibilities, is not on the
list and contributes to the house, they can come to us and negotiate a pay rate
for it. This was a bonus!

Learning to negotiate is a skill that everyone needs and who
better to practice with than your parents.
This practice also allows our children to decide what something is worth
to them and estimate its value as part of the negotiation.

(Don’t
get me wrong, we negotiate a lot in our house.
Often, we even require several thought out persuasive arguments to be
presented but that’s another topic for another day.)

We
do reward our daughters for their efforts and working hard in both academia and
extra-curriculars. Usually rewards are
new books or trips to the movies. They often
get an Adventure Huntout of it as well.
However, when it comes to the desire for toys, it is up to our children
to save or wait until a holiday or birthday.
They now have both clear guidelines and tasks with a set payment structure,
as well as, an option for extra work for extra money that involves being
proactive, finding a problem, creating a solution, and negotiating a price to
supply that solution. We all win when
this works.

Was this
helpful? Do you already do something like this at your
house?
Leave a comment below.
Please share with friends, via Google, Facebook,
or whatever works for you. Maybe this
will help others too.

7 comments:

I like the idea behind this; it resonates with me more than the alternative methods. Thanks for sharing! Maybe for those to really enjoy having somebody else come up with the practical applications, you can even provide a link to your list so that they can print yours.

Oh my gosh, I love your ideas! How brilliant to let them learn to find needs, create solutions, and even negotiate the price! They will be better prepared for the real world than many of their peers. My kids are babies but I will put this into action in the future!

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Welcome - I am Chris!

Brand new to blogging but not writing. I am not crafty or fashionable or vegan or a great cook or super religious. Sometimes feel like the odd mom out. I am a thinker, an introvert and not always easy to get to know. I am sincere, love people, have a kind heart and a lot to say but am just now finding my voice. Thank you for reading my words and hearing it. -- I write about our parenting style. I write about being a quiet voice in a loud world. I write about raising daughters that are looking for their voices too. I study happiness, motivation, confidence, and personality types, and parent my children with all of this in mind. We try new things and are happy to share our experiments. Married to a charismatic musician and music teacher. We have two amazing daughters. The smart, sometimes anxious, strong, and introverted Lore (age 10) & the sensitive, bright, kind, competitive Stori (age7). -- Taught piano for 10+ years, worked in HR and Training & Development, and have a passion for mind-body connection, health & happiness. I write curricula and now run a start-up business in after-school enrichment education in Atlanta, GA.