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Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Not That Kind of Green

So, I’m walking to work from the bus this morning when it happens again. A bearded man with a green tie-dye bandana approaches me. Now, my mp3 player is broken, but lately I have been wearing the headphones and just faking it, but today I forgot.

Bandana: Hey, another fellow environmentalist?

Me: No.

Bandana: No? Don’t you care about the Earth, man?

Me: Get away from me mother(earth)fucker.

That’s a mix of what I actually said, and what I wanted to say.

The problem with these jerkoffs, well, one of the problems, is that there is no doubt in my mind if I actually gave them money in the morning just so they will leave me the hell alone, another one is going to approach me at lunch.

“Care about saving the planet?” Yes, but I’ll do it my own way. I’ll throw away my trash. I’ll recycle. I’ll go to Bonnaroo. But I’m not giving some guy on the street a dime.

It’s probably not a scam, but I don’t know where that money goes, and I don’t care. If I give anyone on the street money it’s going to be someone selling me a streetwise. Not some asshole who is trying to look dirty because he is “one with nature.”

5 comments:

I just tell them the truth: "Yes, I care deeply for the environment, for the children, for the gays, whatever it is they're carrying around those clipboards for. But I also care about art, which is why I work at a non-profit theater, which is why I have no money to give you. Plus, I already donate to Nature Conservancy and Planned Parenthood." Most of them don't even stick around for the whole spiel. And btw Justin, that IS their job. And we currently have a war going on. Right. Now.

Julia's on the right track. I like to tell whomever is canvassing me, "You bastard! My mother was KILLED by a tree/endangered condor/blind orphan/Proposition 241!" Really it works in any circumstance. I got out of jury duty telling the lawyers my immediate family was bludgeoned to death by a judge's gavel.