The Oscars go KABOOM in 2012

The Academy, in all their tone deaf glory, has hired Brett Ratner to co-produce the Oscar telecast in 2012.

Are you a fan of Rush Hour? How about Rush Hour 2? Or X-Men: Last Stand—you know, the one where they threw out everything good and interesting about Bryan Singer’s previous two movies? Does the upcoming Tower Heistlook like something you’d be into? Then congratulations, you’re going to love Brett Ratner’s Oscars.

Ratner isn’t what I would call a director with vision. He has no scope and limited imagination. His style seems to be stuck on “13 year old boy”, but he does know movies. I can see where he could go into a meeting with the Academy brass (including newly re-elected president Tom Sherak) and talk a good enough game to land the job. The only problem is he doesn’t have the talent to deliver on his grand ideas. Everything Ratner does ends up looking like a Michael Bay knock off. I can almost hear his pitch—“It’ll be like vaudeville meets Transformers!” Joining Ratner at the helm as co-producer and telecast director is Don Mischer, who produced and directed the phenomenally horrible Franco/Hathaway show. Brett Ratner + the guy responsible for Franco/Hathaway = unintentional Oscar comedy GOLD.

The Oscars have a way of sucking the life from talented people. Very few escape unscathed—in recent memory, only Hugh Jackman and his producer, Bill Condon, have fared well in the Oscar spotlight. For most it’s a game of degrees—trying not to suck too much. Take Oscar’s soul-crushing ability to decimate even the best producers, directors and hosts and apply it to a guy who doesn’t actually have any talent to begin with and what do you get?

Quite possibly the most horrifically entertaining Oscar broadcast in years. I can’t wait.