In
dealing with young children, you will inevitably have situations
where you will need to provide some discipline for a misstep in
behaviour. Here are some helpful tips and suggestions on ways in
which you can use positive discipline, instead of physical
punishments.

Explaining the
problem simply: “Biting hurts! Be
gentle.”

Using positive
language: “When
you pick up your toys, you can play again”; instead of “You
cannot play until you pick up your toys.”

Telling the
child what to do, instead of what not to do: “Use gentle hands on the
cat”; instead of “Do not hit the cat.”

Giving
realistic choices: “You have to wear shoes
outside; You can put on your shoes or I am going to help
you.”

Disapprove of
the behaviour, not the child: “I do not like when you
throw your food on the floor”; rather than “You are a bad
boy for throwing your food.”

Pick your
battles: Some minor infractions can be ignored or
redirected, and you want to consider how many times your child
is hearing negative feedback as oppose to positive feedback. Children can take on the
persona of the “bad” child if that is where they tend to get the
most attention.

Ignoring: Some
behaviours, like
tantrums, may be best to be ignored or waited out. This can
be done with support by staying nearby and letting them know you
are right there when they are ready for a hug, to talk, or to
continue with whatever you were doing beforehand.

Redirection: With
young children, this is often a great way to move them onto a
more appropriate activity. This can be done by offering a toy,
suggesting a changing in activity or even moving them to another
area.

Avoid power
struggles: Acknowledge their feelings and either
give solutions or clearly state expectation. For example, “I see you are
upset, but we are not buying candy today. Would you like juice
when we get to the car?”

Use logical
consequences: Based on the situation, many times a
logical consequence can be determined. Once the consequence is
completed, the problem is finished. For example, if they throw
food on the floor, they are expected to help clean it up.

Take away a
privilege: When a logical consequence isn’t
available, take away a connected privilege. For example, if a child is
hitting other children, they may have to play on their own (with
an adult) until they have calm down.

Encourage
problem-solving: Help them in “righting the wrong”
and developing empathy. This also helps them learn that mistakes
can be corrected, and that actions have impact. Let them trying
out their solutions, even if you would come up with a different
one. For example, “You took
your sister’s toy and now she is crying. How can you help her
feel better? Or “Why
don’t you ask her how you help her feel better?”

Check
yourself: Take a minute to take a calming breath,
check in with your own emotions. It is okay to recognize that
sometimes you need a minute to deal with a stressful situation.
Your state of mind and
emotional state will have a big impact on how successful you
are in supporting your children.

Ignore the
judgments: I would love to tell you that no one is
judging you in public places, but we all know that they are. Parents are judged no
matter how they react, so just know that you cannot please
everyone. You do you and be there to support your child.
Just know that you are trying your best and that is what
matters.

Overall, it helps to
always keep in mind that children are learners. They are
learning how to control their emotions, act in different situations,
and manage their behaviour. If
you can think of each situation a learning opportunity, you may
find success.

Your
positive guidance and support can empower them to become successful
at managing and regulating their own behaviour, in progressively
complex ways.