Monday, March 19, 2012

Letting go.....

So I evidently have a problem with control. Many people have told me so and I'm like no I don't. I justify, make excuses, and say I'm a realist. Well I guess it's true I do have a problem with control. I'm starting to realize I need to focus on the things I can control and not the things I can't. I can control what i say and what i do.
It seems our job as moms is to do our best, and provide for our children's needs. This is where it gets complicated. When they are young of course it is our job to control their environment. We keep them safe, from gates to what and how much TV they watch. As they get older the letting go starts. They go to school, they are surrounded by other influences. You do your best to control the home environment to keep them safe, feeling loved and protected.
Then one day they are an adult and want to make their own decisions. You understand intellectually, but your feelings, and the whole mom thing blur the boundaries. So now where do we go from here? I guess this is when the letting go begins...
Well it seems that letting go means not giving your daughter advice every time she calls or comes over. Letting go means she needs to make her own choices, whether we approve or not. Letting go means you have absolutely NO CONTROL over anything your daughter does or doesn't do. It finally hit me like a ton of bricks today.....I NEVER had CONTROL to begin with! I mean really, who do I think I am? I can not control anyone but MYSELF! I am FREE!! If I have no control and I am not expected to, then I am FREE!! I just need to be there for my daughter when she needs me. It doesn't matter what other family members think or other people.
For me, it's all about relationships. And you know what? I was starting to kill the relationship with my oldest. This is unacceptable to me. I will not lose my daughter based on the fact she's not doing what I want or what I thought. It's her life, I raised her the best I can and I LOVE her!