My Selah Blog

I AM A THERAPIST FOR THERAPISTS...

As a clinician who has faced many challenges in life, I value this opportunity to ensure that awareness is increased regarding the importance of self-care and mental well-being for those in the field of helping and serving others.

The My Selah Wellness blog will help reduce the stigma associated with seeking help and it will also provide support for other clinicians and the community. I hope you are blessed by this information.

Have you ever looked on Wikipedia to search for famous people to learn more about them and their accomplishments? In your searching, did you learn that they have a value or net worth attached to their name and skill set? I am sure you did. Even though, you are looking for information about their career, it resulted in learning about their net worth. This net worth speaks to their professional skill set and how they are valued in their career.

This is what crossed my mind on a recent trip to Greensboro, NC. I thought about the worth that we have as individuals and how others see us. Have you ever thought about the value that is placed on you as a person?

When I think of relationships whether they are personal or professional, I realize that often times we fail to realize the worth of someone or even the time that they may give to you or to others. It is so important that we fail not to recognize the worth of another or even our own.

What I want to focus on in this blog is highlighting the necessity of identifying the value and worth of your own life. My reason for this is that this is a common behavior among us, that we are often not aware that this is even happening. We will adjust and shift, with no thought, and when it comes to prioritizing our needs, we view them as an optional task that is often ignored or disregarded.

What I want you to start thinking about is when you see an individual as a person of worth, that you also make a conscious decision to see your own self as having value and worth.So I'm going to ask you a couple of questions:

1. Do you often give your time away to others without thinking about the important things that need to be done on your end?

2. Do you often reschedule your personal appointments in order to accommodate someone else's schedule or request?

3. Do you find that you put yourself last or not even think about what is important to you?

4. Do you find that you allow other people to tell you how to utilize your time to help them, while insisting that you can tend to your things later?If this is the case you truly have not recognized or taken seriously your own value and your own worth. If you answered “yes” to any of these questions this is a clear indication that you have put everyone else before you. Don't get me wrong, there are situations where you may need to say, “hey I'm going to need to put a hold on my things, in order to deal with this first because it impacts what I need to do for me at a later time.” By completing that task, it allows you to be successful in the following task and that is okay!

This should be an exception, not a rule. Do not make it a habit of putting yourself on the back burner. When you place yourself on hold you ignore your priorities, self-care and emotional well-being. This also means that you if you are functioning from this mindset, that it is impossible to know your self-worth and value.

There is huge movement at this time that encourages people to focus and prioritize their self-care and emotional well-being. There is an increased understand that mental health and physical health are equally important, connected and vital in living our best lives.

In order to be emotionally well and to have good mental health it means that you understand the value and worth of who you are. This equates to you putting yourself next to another priority and saying both of these are equally important and both require my attention. So that means that you don't have the luxury of ignoring YOU!In order to effectively learn your worth, prioritizing you is a necessity. This can be done by doing the following:

1. Learn to set time aside just for you. It does not have to be daily, but at least once a week carve out some time that is designated just for you and no one else. Learn to enjoy time alone.

2. Learn how to say “no” when you are actually spending time working on things that are important to you. This means that you have to learn to say “no” when you are interrupted without feeling guilty to do whatever it is you need to do at that moment. The word, “No” is not a bad word. FYI, “No,” is a complete sentence.

3. Learn how to schedule people on your calendar. What this looks like, is someone giving you a call at the last minute or maybe not at the last minute, and requesting your attendance, your support, or your guidance on a matter that requires more than a couple of minutes. Your answer can be as simple as this, “I'm not able to do it right now, but let's schedule a time so I can give you some more attention.” If someone says, “you owe me, take a minute,” stick to your plan if it is not life, limb or property. If it is not a medical emergency, remain calm and carry on with your self-commitment. Remember, a lack of planning on someone else's part does not mean that it's an emergency for you. In no way is this saying that you don't care about the needs of others. What I am saying, is stick to the commitment of taking care of you. Give yourself the attention you have needed for so long. Learn to function in a place of self-care and worth with peace. Set a standard of care for YOU. When you're able to set standards such as this, that is when you learn your value and worth.

So now that we have put some things into perspective, I want you to envision yourself as one of those people who you read about in the magazine. It's up to you what title or position that you may want to give yourself, but I want you to see yourself as a person of worth.

Now, ask yourself these 3 questions:

1. What title have you given yourself?

2. How do people see you?

3. How would people describe you in regards to self-care and self-worth?

Once you have those areas listed I want you to then think about what net worth you would apply to yourself. You may say this is not about money, and it's not. I'm not even asking you to place a monetary value on who you are if you do not wish. However, I am definitely asking you to place a qualitative value on who you are and your life so that people begin to see you and your worth.

If you have a hard time remembering your worth/value here are a couple of strategies:

1. Use stickies to write down motivational statements or your strengths. Place the stickies in the following places: bathroom mirror, in your closet, on the refrigerator and on the door posts so that you can see them when you are entering/leaving your home.

2. Use a journal or composition book to write down things about yourself that you are grateful for. Be sure to recite the statements from strategy #1 so that it guides your thoughts when writing.

3. Establish a devotional and quiet time where you can reflect on who you are and what is important. This level of focus has the ability to shift your thinking and actions.

Get Ready!!!! People will begin to value your time and respect who you are as a person not just based on what they believe you can give to them. If you take nothing away from this blog, I ask that you at least find something within you related to value and worth that will encourage you and motivate you to respect yourself.

The goal is for people to see you model your worth so that they can respect who you are and hopefully follow suit. Know your worth! Value you worth! Protect your worth!! If you don't, no one else will ever value it more than you!