Nine months ago, I found out I was pregnant with my second child. This came only a couple of weeks after my only sister delivered her stillborn son, Kohl. I was devastated at her loss and was nervous for my own pregnancy. I had a normal pregnancy and was in my third trimester. I was getting so excited to welcome another son into our family. The holidays were approaching. The Christmas gifts were wrapped and the stockings were hung. The only thing missing was the baby.

One morning, at 37 weeks, I called my doctor because I was not feeling much fetal movement. I was directed to go straight to the hospital to get the fetal heartbeat monitored. The nurses set me up on a monitor. There was a heartbeat and I took a big sigh of relief. Forty-five minutes later, Jordan’s heart rate dropped from 138 beats/minute to 68 beats/minute. This happened two more time before I was shuffled into a bed where I was undressed and having needles poked into me. I was informed that the baby needed to come out immediately. They rushed me into the OR for an emergency c-section where my beautiful son was born at 1:28 PM, weighing 6 pounds 14 ounces.

I soon woke up in recovery, asking about the baby. They told me he was born still, but were able to revive him. He was going to be flown to Children’s Hospital. Jordan was born with virtually no blood in his body. We had suffered a placenta abruption. Jordan had several blood transfusions. I knew he was a fighter. That night, he suffered several seizures. He was on metabolic life support. Only the medicine and machines were keeping him alive. He was unable to regulate a blood pressure and 45 hours after he was born, he died again.

Being in two different hospitals, I was not able to make it to Children’s before he passed away. My husband was holding him when he took his last breath and I was thankful for that. My husband and I took turns holding our perfect little angel as we said our good-byes. Leaving him behind was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Our hopes and dreams o fa healthy baby were gone. We were devastated. It has been one month since we lost Jordan and not an hour goes by where I don’t think of him. I know he is in a good place, but will forever want him to be in my arms. He is now an angel alongside his cousin Kohl and one day we will meet again. I can’t wait!

Comments

You are so strong, Ally. Jordan and Brady are so lucky to have you as their mom and Chad as their father. Our thoughts and prayers continue to be with you, Chad, Brady and Jordan. We love you guys and will remember sweet Jordan always!

I am so sorry to hear about your little boy. We just celebrated what would have been our son Dylan’s first birthday on Sunday. He was born at 39 weeks via emer c when I abrupted also. He survived for 8 days and passed away in the NICU. It has been an extremely difficult year. He was our first baby and we miss him terribly. My thoughts are with you and your family. Please email any time if you need to talk.

Hi Missy,
I am sorry for your loss as well. I had such a feeling of hope while my son was hooked up to machines in the NICU. I thought, he is going to push through and be okay. The reality of his death has still not hit me completely. I was wondering if you knew the cause of your abruption and whether or not you plan to have more children. The cause of my abruption is unknown. I can;t think of anything that would have caused it and the doctors are uncertain as well. I have a 17 month old son and want to have more children, but an scared about it. Did you do anything for Dylan’s first birthday? I am sure it was incredibly hard to relive that day. I hope you have a happy holiday.
Allison

I am so sorry that you had to experience this. I lost my son at 37 weeks almost 4 months ago and it is the same with me, not a day goes by that I don’t think of him and want him to be in my arms. Praying for you and your family during this difficult time and through the holidays. I know they aren’t easy.

Allison, we have a mutual friend in common; Meredith Hibbing. I just wanted to let you know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Although I have never experienced a full term loss, I had 2 miscarriages this year; One in April at 15w2d (although our baby only measured 11w2d) and another loss (a boy) in August at 10w6d. My husband and I have 2 living sons (ages 3 and 2). Please know that you are not alone in your grief. Many prayers to you this holiday season and beyond as you grieve over the loss of your beautiful baby boy. Please feel free to email me anytime if you need to.

I am so sorry for your loss! May sweet little Jordan’s love be your guide in all that you do! I, myself, lost my 2 1/2 day old son in August of this year. I hope for healing & that you’re surrounded by nothing by love. Be kind and forgiving to yourself. xoxxo!

Allison, Chad & Brady; Even though we haven’t actually seen one another in quite a few months, my heart aches for you everyday when I think of the loss of Jodran and how it must affect your decisions as you move forward and decide whether you want to try again at giving life to a gift from God. Always know that you will always be Jordan’s light in this world and he will always be your Angel in Heaven. God Bless You all…especially at this time of year when so many losses become apparent during the Holiday season when you should be rejoicing in the birth and life of your son, not grieving his passing. Prayers are always with you and hope to see you all soon. Peace & Love.

This story made me cry, I am so sorry for your loss and that of your sister as well. Its so difficult to have dreams and hopes dashed so late in a pregnancy when you are almost there. I really hope you find peace.

I’m so sorry. Your story rips at my heart. My daughter Teagan was born at 23 1/2 weeks via emergency c-section due to chronic abruption. She only lived a short while. She was born Aug 9, 2011. I had been in and out of the hospital for 6 weeks due to bleeding… it has been devastating. I had two previous uncomlicated pregnancies before, the doctors don’t know why it happened. If you ever feel like it, feel free to email me. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

I am so very sorry for your loss. It is so hard going into pregnancy blindfully blissful (at least thats how I felt) :). I too lost a son just a few weeks ago at almost 36 weeks and although it was under different circumstances I can appreciate your pain. May your heart find peace and happiness.

I am so sorry for your loss! I just lost my daughter last week at 33 weeks and I am still trying to wrap my mind around it. She was moving around all day and then just a few short hours later I couldn’t get her to move. Went to the hospital and they couldn’t get a heartbeat. Did an ultrasound and saw that her heart had stopped and she was gone. My husband and I are devastated. I hope we all find ways to get through our tragedies and move forward. My heart goes out to you and your family! I am currently looking for a support group in this area (Cranberry Township, PA). If anyone knows of a good one, please post! Thanks!

Hi Christine,
I just saw you message and wish I would have seen it a lot sooner!! I recently moved out of the Cranberry area, but had a great experience at Northway Community church in Wexford. They have a support group for infant loss. Contact them! The woman’s name is Laurie Kay Mcguire. Best wishes to you as you continue to work through your emotions.

I am so sorry for your loss, my daughter spent her one month and a week of life in the NICU and the day that we took her off the ventilators and said good bye was hard but harder still was having to leave her little body there knowing that I would not see her again. My little girl went to play with other angel babies on 1/15/12. If you need somone to talk to know that I am here. I amstill trying to figuere out all my feelings.