In The Winter Season Blooms A Promise Of Spring

I’ve had a rough couple of weeks where I’ve found myself reaching for truth, clinging to what I know is right, yet giving into the chaos swirling around me.

Depression and anxiety come easy for me in this season.

It starts with an “I’m not good enough attitude” as I watch the Christmas traditions of those around me far and wide unfold before my eyes – beautiful homes, beautiful trees, ornately wrapped packages, Christmas photos, vacation spots. It all gets overwhelming. So I do what most people do in those times. I retreat. I pull away. I try not to allow my eyes more than a few minutes of looking for fear I may be overcome more by what I don’t have than what I do have.

God has given me so many beautiful blessings. Yet, this time of year I tend to compare myself to others and desire more.

I’ve been in a long winter season. And actually, it was starting to feel more like spring around here the last few months. But we’ve been hit with another blow and honestly, I do not understand God’s ways at times.

After 4 years of unemployment and off and on jobs over the last year or so, my husband finally got a well paying job in his field of construction. Things were going so well. We caught up on our rent, paid off some bills and were all set to have a nice Christmas — until it all came to an abrupt halt.

Hubby has been off work now a couple of weeks with unexplained swelling in his right knee. So bad he can hardly walk. He is scheduled to have an MRI on Christmas Eve, and he may be heading towards disability.

I’ve been down this road before. God has always proven faithful in our time of lack, but I would not be honest if I didn’t tell you this whole thing is eating me alive. While we will receive disability benefits it may not be enough to pay our rent in a timely manner, and our landlord has only given us a couple of months to stay caught up or else we will need to move.

All of this, and Christmas, it is just overwhelming.

I told a friend the other day if I could lock myself in a room with Jesus, where I could focus on Him and not allow the cares of the world to overtake me, I would.

I want so badly to believe that in the winter season comes the promise of Spring.

As a I busy myself with preparations for Christmas, trying hard not to overspend as we will need much to get us through this season, I am fighting for peace and joy.

I know this isn’t the most uplifting Christmas post you’ve read, but it’s where I’m at.

Both of the above paintings where painted last Sunday during worship service. Mine is the green one, with the hearts dangling from the vines, and my co-painter painted the beautiful winter tree above. We did not talk beforehand about anything that God may have laid on our hearts to paint. I wasn’t even scheduled and filled in at the last minute.

The winter tree is just starting to bloom with the promise of spring.

While I would have preferred to paint smaller vines rather than the branches depicted in my painting, I believe the branches in my painting were carried over from the winter tree, and are now adorned with the promise of hope, peace, love and life.

I am clinging to this prophetic picture today. Even though we’ve entered another winter season, a very uncertain season, God promises to bring us through into spring again, overflowing with his love, life, peace and hope.

And there is joy.

Will you pray for provision for our family today? Nearly two weeks of wage loss has taken it’s toll, and we do not know what type of benefit my husband will receive should he have to go on disability.

Most importantly, will you pray for healing for him?

And will you pray for my heart in this season? Depression and anxiety are real, but that doesn’t mean I need to give in. I want to stay focused on Jesus and His promises for our family.

16 Responses

Yes, I will pray for all those things…oh, Barbie! I rejoiced with you when things looked like they were totally turning around, and I will lift you all up in prayer during this new challenge. The Lord is truly faithful during these wk yet seasons and will see us through. But walking through it isn’t easy ever, but you are not alone. Thank you for your transparency. I love the prophetic paintings – keep going back to the promises they declare. This will also be a tremendous testimony. And the Lord is so good, that whatever the trial or challenge that takes its toll on us, He makes it so that the blooms in the Spring afterward are especially sweet and fragrant. He WILL see you through and it’s also good to reach out to your community to lean on. You are wonderful, Barbie. I your journey and witness of God in you has blessed me over the years.

I am always joyfully amazed at how God speaks to our hearts and provides us encouragement when we need it. I pray that our paintings and your blog post touch many more hearts. I am praying for you and Lynn to receive the fulness of His provisions, health, and joy. Love you friend.

I am praying for you daily and here for you friend. Love both the paintings you and Terri did. What a beautiful God to bring these pictures to you at such a time as this. I keep reminding myself that He is able to carry those things that I just can’t carry. That He sees the future and He has plans for our lives that are filled with hope! Healing over Lynn and provision for you and your family. Come Lord Jesus and truly be Immanuel God with us this season. Love you!

Grace and peace be multiplied to you and your family. I am praying that God will come through for you and that His healing power will be made manifest upon your husband. Whatever you are going through in life, God is still on the throne and He will neither leave you not forsake you. Love you!

I’m so sorry you’re going through a rough patch, Barbie. Thank you for being so transparent. I can empathize with that “I am not enough” feeling and anxiety and depression. Tugging at us like quicksand as we desperately reach out to Jesus and His promises. My heart aches for you. May God, as He has promised, supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus! May He heal your husband’s knee and keep you all under His wings, protecting you and feeding you with His never-ending supply of grace and love!

barbie, i will pray for you! finances are always such a hard thing to deal with, but i know God uses them, and the lack of them, to refine us to be more beautifully trusting of Him for our every need and care. we have gone through a tough season as well, and i understand the weariness you feel. may God bless you in unexpected ways and take care of every single need you have. may your husband feel the Lord near to him and also have complete healing in his body. may your heart be stilled with His peace that passes understanding! merry christmas to you my friend! sending a hug over the internet!

Barbie, this must feel like a bitter pill to swallow at a time when Christmas cheer is high for others but your heart is heavy with problems and the uncertainty they bring. Yet it’s encouraging to see how God has already worked through the beautiful artistic works of your and Terri’s hands to birth a tiny seed of hope within.
All I know of life speaks of its stress and strife being major for many, and what I’ve experienced of God so far is His ability to be wonderfully manifest in the darkest of circumstances. Cling to what you know of His faithful, loving, eternal presence. It’s a gift we get to enjoy all the time.
Meanwhile, I’m joining in with the prayer chain here as we all lift your needs, worries and concerns to the only One who can bring beauty out of seeming ashes. May He bless you with His peace as you wait for events to unfold, and may you be at rest as you trust the outcomes to Him. Blessings, love, hugs and prayers. Xx

Yes, and yes and YES! I am praying and will hold you and your husband in prayer, Barbie. He carries you through these waters and will continue to be with you.
You are loved by many and me too.
May your Christmas be filled with the peace of Jesus. Take deep soothing breaths that give you the soothing balm of Gilead.
Caring through Christ, ~ linda

Barbie, you are not alone. I love a quote I found and posted on my blog yesterday, from Taylor Caldwell (an author from the past)… that the message of Christmas is that we are not alone. I have been where you are, in some ways still am. I’ve been out of full time work now for five years (having worked 26 yrs for same company), gone through tough illnesses, spent this last year taking care of Dad till he died… and God has been encouraging me to see something in His Word… that He has called us as His disciples to be His co-declarers of Life over our lives and others. That as He decrees in the Word, we need to start “decreeing in His Name” over our lives. So as He leads me, I am seeing… we should not be declaring things like “my husband is heading for disability” (even though it is sorely tempting to do so after so much stress, isn’t it? 🙂 ) Because those words are giving the devil play in our lives without our really knowing it. Instead, God is showing me… I want My People to start decreeing LIFE. I have given you a choice between Life and death, power in your words of your mouth for good or evil… speak life! Declare over yourself the promises and truths of Deut 28 for example, saying , I am highly favored of God because He says so! I am blessed going in and I am blessed going out! The Lord is overtaking me with blessings and blessing my barns and storehouses to overflowing!” Speak Isaiah 53 truth over your husbands knee – You are healed by Jesus stripes! And Jeremiah 30:17, the Lord God is your healer! He has healed your wounds, restored your health! And give from the lack in your life… if that is only a dollar… and declare over your dollar seed the truth of Malachi 3 – Lord, you promised to open the windows of heaven and pour out a blessing on me that I can’t even conceive! God is showing me that when we declare these truths, we are not just being positive… we are speaking if faith like Abraham and the Hall of famers of faith, calling it so before we see it… I was watching Miracle on 34th street the other day and a line jumped out at me as biblical truth – faith is believing in something (someone! and his true promises) even when it doesn’t make sense. Our eyes tell us one thing, but the Lord says another. I don’t believe the Lord is doing this in your life, Barbie. I believe He conquered the devil on the cross but we aren’t “appropriating” what he did for us because we aren’t understanding the power of His word on our tongues… or the power of death our culture and world has so often in our mouths not even realizing. How often have I said things like “I’m sick to death,” for example. Anyway, I just want to encourage you to know God wants Life for you… In Jesus name and in agreement with you, I declare you will stay safe and secure in your home, because his word says He gives safe, secure homes to his people! I declare your husband’s knee healed and back to normal by Jesus’ stripes! I declare Jesus blood covering on you and all that is yours! Rev (I think it is 11:22 or something like that) where it says, I am healed by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony! And I am also finding, as I put God’s word as His decree in my mouth, depression has to flee! 🙂 I don’t ever want to say “my [disease]” or [problem] claiming it as my own… that is what the world does, isn’t it? We are constantly bombarded with people in ads saying “my cancer,” my diabetes, etc. Let us not claim these things as ours, but instead take Jesus and His blood as our own, the uplifter of our heads and lives. God bless you beyond your imagination (ephesians 3:20) Barbie! I love your artwork too!