(Closed) How to teach an old dog new tricks? Help!

My husband and I have been married and living together for 6 months now. Prior to this, we were both living in our respective parents’ house.

He is an only child, and his mother spoils him rotten: she’ll cook and clean for him, and basically does not allow him to lift a single finger when it comes to house chores.

I, on the other hand, was raised in a family of four. Being the youngest, you’d think I’d be spoiled myself, but we had a fairly strict parents who made sure that we each had our share of responsibilities around the house.

Just before we moved in together, I made it clear to him that things will be different; that I am not his mother and that I expect him to share in the household work. Particularly since we both have careers and work long hours at the office, it’s only fair that we split the housework.

Now I find that i’m often doing most of the choirs, or otherwise have to nag him to help me out with the laundry, or cleaning the washroom for example. His argument is always, “the washroom is not dirty (even though it’s been like over three weeks…yuck)”, or “I haven’t run out of clean clothes yet” or whatever the case may be.

But I’m tired of nagging. I want him to realize what needs to be done, and then just do it without me having to ask. However, I feel that he is just waiting for me to get fed up and do it myself…..

How do I get him to be more helpful, without sounding like I’m complaining all the time?

Maybe you could make a list of chores and all their time-frames, such as the laundry is done every Sunday. Then sit down with him and calmly discuss these time-frames and see what he says. I grew up with two brothers and if they had their way the bathroom would only get cleaned once a month (*gags*). You two need to compromise about who does what chores and when. Rotate if you need to. I agree with you, he needs to do his share.

I second BayStateBride’s suggestion(s). Sit down and make a list of all the chores that need to be completed, and the two of you can decide who does what. If he hates doing laundry that’s fine, but he can vacuum the bedrooms instead. Also discuss which day things should be done, or done by. That way he can’t say “Oh, I didn’t clean the washroom because it didn’t look dirty!” because it doesn’t matter if it’s dirty, Wednesday is clean-washroom day.

Also, you said that up until now his mom did everything for him. This is sad but maybe he really doesn’t know how to clean the things you ask, or where to start. My friend’s husband would always say “But babe, you do it so much better!” If that’s the case, you could *show him* how to do his chores that way he has no excuse. Once he gets in the routine it will just be another responsibility like brushing his teeth every morning. Just start slowly, be firm, and explain that you are a team and should have equal responsibilites.

Do you share the same bathroom? Is there another one in the house so that you could each have your own? And, maybe you should stop doing his laundry for a bit and see what happens. He might start doing his own…?