New Zealand royal wedding stamps predict Wills and Kate split

Lick my backside! Someone at the Palace's been at it with the blackout felt tip

Auckland - A perforated dividing line between the prenuptial pair splits the NZ$2.40 Kate Middleton from the NZ$3.40 Prince William on the couple's commemorative NZ$5.80 stickybacks.

The Mother's Day issue reflects national confidence that the 29 April nuptial freakshow 'may never take place after all'.

A source close to New Zealand's Postmaster General said today the stamps follow decades of accurate royal trend forcasting.

This began with the 1981 Charles & Diana pennydreadfuls issue showing the pre-wedding lovebirds facing in opposite directions.

William's own 1982 birth was commemorated with a cute pictures of a cuckoo in an elaborate gilt-tinged nest held together by sticky tape and barbed wire.

Prince Harry's arrival was marked with a portrait of Nick Clegg and a red headed slapper thought to be called Kylie.

And the 2002 deaths of Princess Margaret and the Queen Mother were immortalised by a NZ5c bearing the image of the Chernobyl nuclear reactor over which the silly mares' ashes were eventually scattered.

"WTF?" A spokesperson for Clarence House said today as royal minders mounted an emergency probe into what the hell William did to upset the Kiwis during his totally pointless 8-day disaster tourism trip to NZ last month.

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