hey teljeunes.i really am just wanting to basically get this out.i hav no clue whether i am gay or not.im turned on my shirtless guys, look at hot guys on the internet and i feel confused.however im deeply in love with a girl at school, and its just really confusing, and im sorta "addicted" to masturbating with guy "porn" and i just dont know how to think of this because i think the girl actually likes me but im still sorta unsure about the whole gay thing but i still wanna make a move with this girl.so far ive come to the conclusion that im just in a confused phase and should still try maybe with this girl i really like.I just need some advice, maybe some comments, on what i might be going through right now. Thank you so much.

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hello cheesehead,

I read your message with attention.

You know, adolescence is an intense period. An all new world of possibilities, sensations, experiences opens up to us. It is actually a period where we slowly learn about our own identity versus others’ (similarities and differences). It is then very normal to experience certain periods of confusion. Do you agree with me?

I want to let you it is normal that you go through such a phase right now. It’s ok. There are questions that will only be answered with time and through our experiences. Do you see what I mean? If you want to make a move with this girl; it’s ok.

You also mention masturbating with gay porn. You know, the first sexual images that we see become our “references” and we then use these references in our fantasies to create sexual pleasure. For example, if you always masturbate looking at these images; it is normal that you feel sexually aroused by these images. But it doesn’t mean that our sexual orientation is homosexual or heterosexual. Do you see what I mean?

You write not knowing what to think about it. Do you feel comfortable with watching porn? Do you feel more “confused” when you watch it?

Pornography doesn’t represent reality. It is an imaginary world with actors; based on a scenario in order to create sexual excitation. We cannot base our vision of sexuality on these images or get a sexual education from it. That’s why this type of material has been put 18 years and older.

I hope this message will help you. You are welcome to write back anytime if you feel like it! Take care cheesehead,