Wednesday, July 15, 2009

...because I'm trying to wean myself off the Dilaudid I've been one for five or six weeks now, and it's not a fun process at all. I'm trying to hang in there, waiting to hear from my doctor's office to see if there are any tips or tricks that they know to help make the transition off the meds easier. I'm a lot less sore these days, and rather more mobile, but that's offset by the lovely headaches, the vomiting and intestinal complaints, and the charming depression and ennui I'm dealing with. Needless to say, I'm not at my very best. Thankfully, I have Jim to pat my hair while I'm throwing up two out of three meals (i'm sticking to liquids now, makes things less painful), and to make me Jello so that I can feel like I'm eating real food when I'm ravenous and to give me a kick in the ass and make me walk sometimes. What I really, really want, is to get to the part of this that's easy. I'm beginning to suspect that there is no easy part, even though the end of my recovery period is finally in sight (i go back to work august 8th. i will be off the narcotics, i will be moving like i used to. somehow...).

Anyway, my darlings, that's all I have for you today. I haven't been online much lately, so I thought I'd let you know I'm still hanging on.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

...are the only kind I've known of late, which is really quite all right by me. Thank you all for the support and the love and the bracing feedback on my last post. I'm trying my hardest to stay positive and be patient, but well, sometimes you've just gotta have a good wallow.

I went in for a three-week checkup (has it really been that long already?) on Thursday, and I'm healing up pretty well. Physically, I'm where I should be, and everything I'm experiencing is normal. The exhaustion (when i mentioned that to my doctor, he definitely gave me a "duh" look and reminded me that i had had MAJOR SURGERY in big letters and that will make you tired), the appetite issues and mood swings and even a little depression are all totally normal. I'd suspected as much, but it's nice to be reminded that I'm where I'm supposed to be. I'm a little more mobile, if I take my time and move slowly. And in a lot of ways, that's a good thing.

I tend to rush through life, and through most of my days, and it's a good thing to be forced to slow down and take my time with, well, everything. I put more care and more time into the things I do now, because I only have enough energy to do the things that really matter. And if they're worth doing while I'm healing, they're worth doing well. I'm also learning to pay more attention to my body and what it needs. It's never really failed me before, so I've just kind of taken it for granted that it would do what I wanted it to, and what I needed it to. Honestly, I never really thought much about what my body needed. I just moved along, doing what needed doing, and making my body comply. In a lot of ways, it wasn't so much a part of me, as it was a tool. There was a definite disconnect there, that I'm only now really seeing. And so I'm learning to be more aware, to listen and to be kind to my body. After all, it is me, and as such, it deserves a little consideration.

Jim and I headed down to New Jersey last night to see some fireworks with my family. It was wonderful to see everyone, and to just feel at least mostly normal. I met my cousin Maggie's friend, whose father is the kind doctor who helped me by finding me my amazing surgeon. That was pretty neat. And I got to spend a little time with my Jersey Girls. It was entirely unplanned, but we all ended up at the fireworks display that our old high school puts on every year. And so we talked and relaxed and saw some pretty fireworks (i'm as bad as the little kids. i oooh and aaah over every little sparkler, but fireworks just fill me with wonder) and had a lovely time. Physically, I was exhausted by the time we were home. But emotionally, I felt recharged and restored. I'm also starting to realize how important it is to me to see my girls and my family, and how comforting and refreshing it is. I always leave a visit tired, but peaceful.

And since today is Independence Day, I want to give thanks to everyone who has served the US, to everyone who is still serving, and to everyone who will make the choice to serve. Whether you be Army, Navy, Coast Guard, or Reserves, thank you. Whether you're a mechanic, a SEAL, an infantryman on the front line, or a supply clerk, thank you. Your courage, valor, strength, and committment honor us. And my deepest gratitude to the families of those who serve. You are just as courageous, just as strong as those who you love and support. As a country, we may not agree with the wars we're fighting, but we should always, always agree that our troops and their families deserve to be honored and remembered. Thank you.

I hope everyone, whether in the States or abroad, gets a long, lazy weekend with food and loved ones and sunshine. I think we all deserve it.

Help Me Help Save Second Base!

About Me

This is the story of me! I'm a young woman living in Pennsylvania and surrounded by wonderful, crazy, odd, colorful people who I love dearly. I love to laugh and to knit and especially to read. Music is my lifeblood, whether I'm listening to it or playing it. I'm a walking anti-stereotype. I'm a smart blonde, a fraternity woman who isn't a promiscuous lush, a young knitter, and a woman who knows more about engines than lots of men. I'm friendly and neurotic and real, stop by and leave me a comment if you have the urge to chat.

The List! 101 Things in 1001 Days

The Schooling:1. Go back to school at least part time in fall of 2009. changed to fall of 2010, due to alien spine baby insanity.2. bring all my student loans current and pay my accounts down as much as possible

The House:3. Clean the library, determining what is trash and what should stay X4. Organize the books in the library so that they are displayed and accessible and so that you can actually sit somewhere in the room to read.5. Paint the library and find a suitable rug and chair/small sofa for the room.6. Paint the living room and front room7. Paint the office8. Determine which plants in the yard should be pulled, pruned, or saved and do so X9. Plant something that flowers and is pretty in the yard X10. Find or buy attractive, comfortable furniture for the yard and the porch X11. Rescue the tree growing next to the house, plant it somewhere safe X12. Clean/organize the basement so that things can be stored and accessed easily.13. Re-finish the kitchen table and chairs gave them to kate instead.14. Re-finish all the woodwork the crazy woman painted white15. Find/buy chairs/sofa/seating for front room16. Create and maintain a fair chore rotation17. Buy new mattress, box spring, and bed frame.

The Me, Practically:18. Create a budget, possibly with Jim's input, to be followed strictly and reviewed and updated every three months19. For six months, cook at least on real, balanced meal per week (24/24) X20. Find a job that is compatible with my goals and skills and has a normal scheduleX21. Write a will22. Designate power of attorney23. Write a living will24. Make peace with myself, my life, my failures, and my successes.25. Have an educated, well-argued opinion on current events/issues26. Find/rent/buy software and improve my Spanish to conversational level27. Find/rent/buy software and learn a little French28. Read the Sunday Inquirer every week for a year (0/52)29. Spend at least half an hour twice a week exercising, doing yoga X30. Research fair trade products and, where possible, gradually switch over31. Purchase more re-usable shopping bags and recycle the plastic ones in the kitchen X32. Buy tires for the Jeep X33. Buy shocks for the Jeep X34. Switch my registration to PA by September 30, 2008 X35. Switch my license to PA by September 30, 2008 X36. Open a savings account as an emergency fund and build it to at least $50037. Celebrate Earth Hour each year38. Blog at least once a week for three months straight (0/12)39. Write one entry in my journal a week for six months straight (0/24)40. Meditate on my beliefs and design a system of worship/praise41. Initiate myself into my faith42. Practice my beliefs actively43. Donate blood

The Me, Whimsically:44. Learn to ride a bike45. Using money I've budgeted, buy myself some great new clothes to wear when I'm not at work46. Play my flute at least once a month for six months (1/6)47. Buy/send myself flowers at least three times (1/3)48. Plan and spend a day at a spa, being pampered49. Read six fiction classics I've never read (o/6)50. Read five non-fiction books (0/5)51. Stock the bar and learn to make fun cocktails with coll52. Spend at least half an hour outside once per week for twelve months (0/48)53. Plan one birthday party for myselfX54. Try a vegetarian diet for a week55. Bake something entirely from scratch X56. Buy at least two cookbooks, one of them to be written by Nigella (0/2)57. Take myself on a date to dinner or a movie, and enjoy the time out alone58. Develop the cameras/film I have sitting around59. Put the pictures in the office into albums60. Share any good pictures with those interested61. Buy an MP3 player X

Friends & Family62. Plan a black-tie themed tea party for my girl friends63. Take Jim to a fancy restaurant to celebrate us X64. Travel to a different country with Jim65. Go to a makeup counter with Coll and get makeovers66. E-mail Ashley at least once per month every month for a year (0/12)67. Call a friend once a week to talk, every week for a year (6/52)68. Give ten gifts just because (2/10)69. Plan one surprise birthday party70. Go camping for a weekend or longer with Jim or other friends71. Do something competitive (pool, mini golf, bowling) with Jim 5 times (0/5)72. Have at least six girl dates/girls' nights with friends from home (3/6)73. Have a sleepover with Amy, Kely, and Melissa74. Have my family (or at least my parents) over for lunch/dinner 10 times (4/10)75. Have Plum family over for dinner76. Plan an awesome week-long vacation for me and Jim77. Watch fireworks with Jim X

Crafty, crafty78. Find or design a pattern for Melissa's wedding shawl X made shawl for Bridget, since wasn't invited to Melissa's wedding.79. Buy yarn, needles, etc. for shawl X80. Knit shawl in a timely manner X81. Buy needles and knit the sweater that's living in the bag on my floor82. Buy fabric and make curtains for the bedroom, front rooms, and library83. Knit a pair of socks in less than a month84. Knit at least six items for the charity/charities of my choice (0/6)85. Buy, trade for or find a spinning wheel X86. Learn to spin X87. Learn about plant dyes and try them on yarn/fleece88. Find a knitting group, join, and attend at least one meeting per month