It was. It was the best of times... I need to wash my hair

Tag Archives: bacon

Easy dinner in a dash.

Happy New Year Humans!!

New Year’s can sometimes feel almost as compulsory as Valentines day — a crime against humanity– but this year was ok. An impromptu party at my sister-in-law’s pretty condo with her exuberant husband, one of my sisters and awesome husband (Kevin Tent who edited Downsizing and directed the hilarious Crash Pad) a couple good girlfriends, one with a date ( btw they did not follow the dictum that couples never sit next to each other. We gave them a hard time but they said because they were not married it was ok. I judged in silence). Our favorite divorced bachelor (don’t even ask for his contact, his queue is longer than Space Mountain). My nephew Charlie– 20, handsome, smart– showed up with 10 of his closest friends for a cameo. Nice group. I yelled at one kid for being on his phone before greeting us. I was so proud I knew some of their names!

Damn it 2018, you better behave

I did counsel one young man who gushed that he would marry his present girlfriend.

“No, you won’t” I said. She gave me a little look that said, “Yeah, tell him.”

“Maybe you can break up and get back together, but you are too young. You don’t know yourself enough. Just enjoy the moment.”

In ten minutes I tried to impart much of what I have learned about being in relationships.

“Everyone is responsible for their own orgasms. Woman cannot just lie there and wait for fairy dust. They need to learn about themselves, know what they want and be vocal. Men do not know what is in our minds or how our bodies work… believe me!” I think this is when my nephew’s mother (aka my sister) almost spilled her dry martini as she wedged herself between me and the besotted youth. What’s the matter? They are 20.

I digress. We had a caterer because after the last 6 weeks I’d cooked more times than Mario Batali has shoved his junk on women in his restaurants. ( was that my outside voice?)

IF a woman looked liked that she would be arrested and certainly not be given national TV shows to host.

So, here is a regular night dinner. No fireworks or sex ed, or unwelcome attention Just mid week, kids avoiding homework and I’m making dinner. I want to go to the grocery store like I want to be close to Mario Batali (oh, the humanity) so I’m a big fan of grabbing what’s on hand and making it happen. With food, not fatty’s junk.

First kids can’t run around a car while it’s in motion. Then a lover can’t greet you when you get right of the plane, now they are taking bacon. I’m of course referring to the latest report from World Health Organizations (kill joys) that processed meat specifically, and meat in general are a tiny notch above asbestos for causing cancer. I just enjoyed the heck out of hot dog on the 10th hole the other day at a golf tourney.. who knew it would be my last!

I can’t take it. Even though I had no make up only my phone I felt compelled to record this moment