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World’s Worst Person In Sports

Last week, Keith Olbermann named the Canucks’ Tom Sestito “World’s Worst Person In Sports.” In a game against the Kings, Sestito racked up 27 penalty minutes. His total ice time for the night? One second.

27:00 to 0:01 is an impressive stat. It’s hard to imagine this being surpassed. Sure, twenty-seven minutes can be topped. Randy Holt holds the NHL record for most penalty minutes in one game (67). The NHL record for most penalties in one game (10) belongs to Chris Nilan. But to do so in one second?! Inconceivable.

“I’d describe [Sestito] as a hockey player except he’s not,” Olbermann says. To make this point, he goes on to compare Sestito to Gretzky. That’s right: “The Great One” is his hockey player/”boxing hobo on skates” referent. In 101 games, Sestito had scored 9 goals, 885 shy of Gretzky’s record. Olbermann notes that Sestito would have to play about 10 000 games, or 123 seasons, to break the NHL record. Well, yeah, assuming he can keep up this pace.

I considered giving this the three-act treatment and bleeping Olbermann. But “When will Sestito break Gretzky’s record?” is not the first question that comes to your mind, is it? A more natural question re: Sestito might be “How many seasons would Sestito have to play to break Dave “Tiger” Williams’ record of 3966 career PIMs?” Apples to apples.

Olbermann, 54, followed this up by feuding with Tom Sestito’s sister, 13, on Twitter. Nice use of a unit rate by the kid:

@KeithOlbermann $7,268 for 1 second of work. That's probably just a little bit more than your liberal left wing ass makes. #tomsestito