5 Ways to Stop the Fight Before It Starts

Our last chat was about strategies to win that marital spat if things weren’t going your way. But is there really a winner when spouses argue? The best fight you can have with your mate is the one that doesn’t get started. Here are 5 ways to change the course of a discussion that’s headed toward fightsville.

1. Say the unexpected. Throw out fun facts. Or make one up. “Did you know that Shrek was originally supposed to be blue, but that got changed when he got mistaken for an oversized Smurf?”

2. Start singing. You might start off with something from your wedding, move to Coke’s “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing (in perfect harmony)” closely followed by Kumbaya. Don’t stop until your mate is singing along with you.

3. Wink. Close your eyes. Repeat. This will, more likely than not, result in your spouse saying: “What are you doing?” To which you respond: “It’s the opposite of rolling my eyes – it indicates eye agreement.”

4. Toss out a memory. One that had you both belly laughing. “Remember the time Bob was showing off on his pogo stick and fell face-first into that mud puddle?” I bet it will crack you both up all over again.

5. Pull a picture out of your pocket. A really cute one of the two of you together. Hold it up in front of your face. Now who can argue with that? Having such a picture in your pocket at all times will also serve as insurance – kind of like how it never rains when you actually have an umbrella with you!

Do you have any other suggestions for heading off a fight before it gets started? Share your technique in the comment section below.

31 Comments

I like the picture strategy! That one made me smile. Of course you could always just remove all your clothing and then stand there. It’s pretty hard to argue when you are naked as a jay bird. I’m just sayin.’ 🙂

These are terrific, Shel, especially as pick-and-choose methods since some will be easier for women to use and others easier for me.
I love the goal of your blog, to decrease the need for your divorce services! You go, girl!

That reminds me of that old song that was so popular when I was a kid – it started out: “They’re coming to take me away, ha ha, they’re coming to take me away ha ha – to the funny farm, where life is beautiful all day long . . . ” My sister and I loved mimicking it – it couldn’t actually be sung. Now that’s a song that could distract from an argument!

I love #1 – have to give that a try.
We sort of already do #5. When things are getting too tense, my Husband pops out a silly stuffed bunny and says “look at your bunny” which always cracks me up. Works every time.

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About

Shel Harrington is a Family Law attorney and adjunct law professor who teaches Family Law and related courses.

In addition to her published law-related book and articles, Shel is a frequent writer and speaker on marriage and divorce. One of her favorite topics? How to put her out of business by doing marriage better!

As “the divorce lawyer who doesn’t like divorce,” she blogs about relationships. In her alternative humor writing world, Shel blogs about embracing age and being one’s fiercest self at Fat-Bottom-Fifties Get Fierce, where she has over 300,000 followers.