I

Was afraid to look the monitor in the eye, was trying to distract myself from the lines beeping by writing lines to old lovers about feelings like dried paint peeling on a park bench, was scared to sign my name, was trying to not run, had nowhere to go anyway, was wondering how breakfast would taste, was trying on the word cadaver while checking for signs of life, was looking for the right pronoun for someone without a father, scrambling for first person with the mouth of a stranger