Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Sink up to your fetlocks in the warm pluff mud of the Carolina coastal plain and shout: “I’m in it now, baby! Right down in it!”

Apologize to donkeys. You have no doubt said some hurtful things in the past.

Take your groomer to lunch. (Someplace nice.) Pick up a sugar cube with your front teeth and gently drop it into your companion’s coffee, all the while rubbing his or her leg under the table with a front hoof.

Learn to operate a motorcycle and ride back and forth in front of my house. (Please!)

If you give carriage rides through Central Park, turn to imaginary camera, shrug, and say: “Eh, it’s a living.”