Birthdays

Dana - posted on 11/23/2008
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Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do on your babies birthdays once they're gone?? Last year I had this bright idea to 'send' balloons with letters from all of our family to Clayton on his birthday and it turned in to a disaster! I will never do that again and wouldn't recommend it unless your baby has a summer birthday and there is no wind... Anyway, I have no idea what to do this year and it wil be here before I know it. I just want to keep it a special day to remember our sweet boy.

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Sarah - posted on 12/02/2008

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My daughter was stillborn. On her birthday I plant a tree. Just something to watch grow in her place. It helps me to deal with the day. Best of luck coming up with something that will make it a special day for you!

My son's birthday was this past September... I wasn't sure what to do either...But i didn't want to do nothing... My husband and my daughter and a couple close friends that were close to Ethan...We went to dinner together... we talked about him...When we got home i had bought a lil cake and a 1 year candle ..we sang happy birthday to him and we video taped it... We also left balloons on his grave a couple were plain helium balloons and we left a couple markers out there and we all wrote on the balloons... i kept the balloons... and they lost their air... ...Not sure if i will do this every year... But it was nice...and my 4 year old daughter and i were pleased...hope this helps

We just had my son's 5th birthday (Nov 25th). We always take the day off work and spend time together as a family. Of course my older daughter can't take off school so this year we went out to dinner. We also go to his grave. Sometimes we leave little toys like hot wheels. My daughter makes him a card and I try (If I can find one) get a small balloon on a stick. It works well at the site. It's a nice family tradition without being too birthday related. I personally find it hard to do the whole cake and traditional birthday stuff..but that's just me. Instead of celebrating Owen's birthday we celebrate the memory of Owen and our Family

Sorry, Dana, I misspoke earlier when I said daughter instead of son. I knew you are trying to remember Clayton, but I was talking about Lydia and MA, so I guess I got stuck on girls. I really hope you are finding something in all this that speaks to you. Only you will know what feels right, though.

You can put photos around your house, lit a candle, saying a prayer, remember & reflect on the good times what you and your family had with him, making things what he liked, go put flowers on his gravestone.

in addition to our daughter that died 12 years ago, my older daughter's good friend (MA) died last year at age 11. Bethany asked me if she and MA's other good friend could make a scrapbook before she starts forgetting MA. She was especially glad to put a prayer in Lydia's stocking last year, since MA had just died the previous october. This year we will do that scrapbook for MA, so that Bethany can look at it when she wants to remember MA.

Sitting together around the table, eating cake, and looking at a scrapbook is a lovely way to remember your daughter on her birthday. Also, putting up her stocking and looking at your memory book at Christmas would keep her memory during the holidays. In our church, we have a special book that we write the names of our loved on down in during lent, so that at easter we all pray for our loved one, and each other's loved ones. Also, we can dedicate the flowers at the altar to our loved one, and that is put in the bulletin, so that their memory is not just always looking back. You might look into some of these options if you have a church you attend.

Our daughter passed away 9 years ago. She was 15 and had a heart problem. We still celebrate her birthday....usually have a cake. It's just our family, her sisters, her dad and myself. It's low key but helps us to keep her memory alive after all this time. We also still put her Christmas stocking up at Christmas and sometimes the girls will write little notes and put them in her stocking. I have not read them but it seems to help. They don't write one every year but if they feel they need to they do.

We try to do balloons too, as it's a good way to include our other children in the celebration. I try to go off by myself and sit down with his box of "memories" and take time to remember. I also play the song that we played at his funeral. It's hard as my daughters birthday is the day after our son Colby passed away so I try not to make it too sad a time for her but I still want to honor his memory.

Hi there - I planted a garden for my little Amber - every year on her birthday, I either take the day off work or, if it's weekend, I get y husband to take my other two girls for the day. I then spend the day in Amber's garden and always plant new flowers or a plant for her. I find that this helps to remember her. My favourite saying, i painted onto a garden sign - "The truest end of life is to know that life never ends" I hope that this helps :-) Mands

My little Amber's birthday is just before Christmas, Dec 21st. Every year we have a Birthday Cake and sing happy birthday to her. I have other children so this helps with them as well. I also by a little ornament for the christmas tree each year, just for her, and it goes on the tree the day of her birthday. I also plant a rose bush each year. And I also buy a present for the KMart wishing tree for a little girl that would be her age.

My oldest son passed away at birth in 1994. I went on to have three happy, healthy children afterwards. On his birthday, I take flowers to his grave (my older son goes, but my girls are still a little too young to understand), then I spend the day with my other three children and we do fun things, like go play at McDonald's PlayPlace or whatever they choose. It's hard.......but I look at it as they all have their very own guardian angel, and we celebrate that day for him.

our daughter was born just after thanksgiving and died right before christmas. needless to say the busy holiday season doesn't lend itself to taking time out to remember. we do not do anything special for her birthday, but we still hang her stocking at christmas. every year each member of the family writes a little prayer (those who can't write draw a picture) and we put it in a little book. We then read the prayers from the previous year. If you are not religious, you can write a memory or a hope for your family, or something you will do to honor your loved one. It is nice to see which prayers get answered. It would be nice to see how the intentions to honor your loved one work out, if you choose that option. You can adapt this tradition to any day of the year with a special "memory book" - you can even take pictures of your family to put in each year.

Dec. 17 is actually the day that my daughter will be the age Clayton was when he died. I have until Jan 10 to deal with the birthday. I'm pretty freaked out because she's actually sick now. I'm trying to stay calm, but the timing is just bad...

Birthdays are hard. We go to his grave site and visit. sometimes we bring lunch with us. Last year we had lunch then took our surviving son to the park and watched him play and enjoy the day. It is hard. Try not to plan the perfect day just something simple. Just remember Clayton as the beautiful child he was. Maybe the balloons the next day were not a slap in the face but a hello from your son. Good luck this year and I will remember you on Dec. 17.

Thanks for the ideas. I was so upset last year after imagining what a special thing it would be and then it was such a disappointment. The balloons from my husband and I tangled in the highline in our yard... It was like a slap in the face the next morning when I woke up it was sunny and there was no wind, they could have gone for miles that day... I'm just really missing him and my daughter is almost at the age he was when we lost him now so I'm freaking out about that. I hope I settle down once we get past Dec. 17 but we'll see...

On our son's birthday, my husband takes the day off from work and we spend it together. We buy a spray to put on his grave site and we also buy a decorative cross to hang on the wall at home. It helps us set time apart for his special day and allows us to spend time together. Having a new cross in our home each year gives us a way to remember him all year long. You could do Christmas ornaments or crosses or whatever you want to memorialize your son's birthday.

My first son's birthday is in December, and we send him balloons each year. We don't attach messages, and sometimes the weather isn't very cooperative, but it's nice to give the balloon a hug and a squeeze and send it on to heaven to get to him and his younger brother that's now up there with him. The only other thing we do, is that when his father or I visit his grave (he's buried on the West Coast, we live on the East Coast) we always bring him an age appropriate truck or car. Eric would have been 8 years old next month, so he's got a cute little collection going on. His sister (my currently only surviving child) loves to play with them a bit when she gets to go visit.

Hi, We lost our three year old, so we generally try to honor his memory with something he would have liked. So this year my husband brought home an icrecream cake and we sang to him. Eventually I'd like to start planting trees in his honor, when we have two incomes again! I've also thought about asking family members to make donations each year in his honor to an organization that works with children.

At his memorial we asked everyone to bring a child's book which we donated to an afterschool program, so something along that vein I think honors their memory and helps bring something positive out of horrendous tragedy.