What we do

Apocryphal Press is a news service that blends fantasy with fact—the fantasy predominating. It is firmly based on absurdist principles.

What you can do

Our large editorial staff is pleased to receive feedback of any kind.

Send general comments here, or publish comments on a specific news clip in the form below each clip.

To access the comment form for a news clip, double click the clip's headline, or the "read more" or "Comments" link at the bottom of the clip.

Find and read older clips

Our home page displays our five most-recent news clips. To view a list that includes our older clips, click Sitemap here or
at the bottom of the right column of each page.

In the Sitemap, you'll find all of our news clips listed in reverse chronological order under the "Blog" heading. To open a
clip, double click its page icon or headline.

Site designed and built by

06. November 2012

FEHRNSTROM'S MOMENT OF GLORY

BOSTON — Here at Romney For President headquarters, Matt Rhoades, the campaign manager for Romney's campaign, met moments ago with Eric Fehrnstrom, one of the campaign's top advisers, so that the
two men could come up with a plan to promote and preserve Romney's image as a political chameleon.

“I mean,” Fehrnstrom explained to a solitary reporter (who, inexplicably, had been allowed to penetrate into Romney's inner sanctum), “Mitt can take an issue like abortion, and, as easily as
snapping his fingers, he can change his position to pander to the Religious Right. That's why Mitt Romney is going to win this election for sure.”

"As the famously Etch-a-Sketch guy in Mitt's campaign, and as a loyal Romney Roustabout, I claim exclusive credit for having perfected Mitt's incredible prowess as a political chameleon."

”That's why I just this morning went to my taxidermist, told him to go to the Franklin Park zoo right here in Boston, infiltrate the chameleon exhibit, kill a chameleon, and stuff that little guy
so I can have Charley the Chameleon sitting right there on my desk in the West Wing, where I will be Mitt's Number One communications go-to guy.”

“Come to think of it,” Fehrnstrom continued, “I'm going to need a separate section in my office to breed chameleons so I can help other dedicated Romneyites perfect their skills as political
chameleons as well.”

After Rhoades congratulated Fehrnstrom on his brilliant idea, he tweeted the Political-Chameleon-in-Chief, informing the former Massachusetts governor about Fehrnstrom's plan, at which point
Romney burst into the room, gave Fehrnstrom an uncharacteristically warm hug, and said, “Eric, I want you to have on my desk, tomorrow morning, a Directive addressed to the National Science
Foundation.”

“The NSF is to immediately set up a breeding station for chameleons. We're going to need a lot of those when I'm president.”