The Road Less Traveled...

Monday, May 25, 2009

Those words ring in my ears, in my heart, imprinted deeply after hearing them uttered with such sincerity at my father's funeral 10 years ago this May. The impact deepened by a 21 gun salute and a carefully folded flag being presented to my mother under a dark green canopy in the pouring rain.

Today, on Memorial Day the television is tuned to the ceremony held at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier honoring those whose lives were lost as they bravely fought for our country, our rights, our freedom. I heard Taps playing as I was beginning to write this and it caused me to pause with tears welling, head down, feeling each note stir something so mournful and sorrowful in the center of my being. How many others have experienced this exact same thing at the burial site of a loved one who served for us, who put their very lives on the line to ensure the lives and freedom of others would be preserved...your life, my life, our children's lives.

Are we truly grateful for all that has been given for us...the blood shed, the limbs severed, the lives lost? Though it is impossible for any of us who have only witnessed battle from the comfort of our cozy living rooms to fully understand the severity of the price paid for us, I cannot fathom how anyone can be aware of this sacrifice and feel anything but an intense and humble appreciation. Yet I know there are those who don't share this feeling, and I wonder how anyone could feel resentment towards their own protectors.

Peace is such a wonderful notion, I think some people who have been romanced by it tend to see a soldier as an enemy of a serene world where there is no war, no fighting, no differences, a world where every nation lives together in harmony and love. As lovely as all that sounds, it is a dream that can never be a reality. We live in a fallen and broken world which has been this way from the beginning. Our world is filled with good and evil, selflessness and greed, justice and corruption. Neither side of the coin can be eliminated, and true peace cannot be achieved while both exist.

I wonder if anyone can fully imagine what would happen if our great nation sat idle in the name of 'peace'. What would our lives look like if no one was willing to battle the opposition on our behalf? When I look at a world like that I don't see 'peace' reigning supreme. I see our freedom stripped and our people oppressed. Maybe some would disagree. All I know is that I am honored that others have stepped up to make a life of freedom and liberty for me and my family. I am one of many who are standing in humble appreciation on behalf of a grateful nation...

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Wow...my blog has been left sorely neglected. Between homeschooling, gardening, cleaning and laundry, moving mom to a nursing home, making memories with the kids and my endless photo-documentaries of both the exciting and the mundane, and just the hustle and bustle of life in general, time slips past at a rate so alarming I have to sit back and wonder how I got here. Life refuses to stand still.

But today the kids and I went on an amazing little field trip to a friend's gorgeous alpaca farm. Our moms group thought it was the perfect way to celebrate the year, and it was. The kids got to ride ponies and pet the adorable alpacas, we had a picnic lunch in the shade of the trees on blankets and talked and laughed and took pictures of the kids ice cream coated smiles. We walked aroung the large pond and soaked in a perfect spring day. I found a ladybug and let it tickle my hands and crawl on my little girl's shoulder, much to her delight. Life didn't stand still, but it slowed to a nice leisurely pace for a couple of hours.

Since the farm is located in the middle of wide open spaces, I took the dirt roads with the windows down and greeted the cows as we passed by. I stopped at least a dozen times to snap a photo of the gorgeous scenery I was enveloped in. The vibrant green pastures took my breath away, and the dirt roads winding through the canopies of the wind-rustled trees charmed and romanced me all the way home. I drove barefoot ,as I generally prefer, and thought nothing of stopping in the middle of the road for a particularly captivating Kodak moment. With no one rushing me from behind I could make my own pace and attept to truly absorb how blessed I am and how much I love the country. The change of pace was a thing of beauty that cannot be explained, just as the photos never fully capture the brilliance of the view.

Spring has always had a way of bringing me back to the refreshing art of being present in the moment and reflecting on the beauty of life. I am grateful for the lesson...

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

My story is entitled Love Lessons (page 116). There is a blog post here from back in May called 'Nine Years Ago Today...' that includes some back story about my dad and I. On Veterans Day he is very much on my mind...

Thursday, August 28, 2008

I was so incredibly thrilled the other day when a package arrived for me and it was a copy of a book to be released in November that includes a story written by me!!! How exciting!!!!!

The story I wrote is very close to my heart and I feel so honored that the publishers chose to include it. Writing is such a passion for me, and is an amazing creative outlet. I have a couple of friends who are writers also, and I am in eager anticipation of their work being published as well. One online friend, Christa Parrish, has a book that I have preordered on Amazon entitled "Home Another Way". I can hardly wait until it is released in October! I LOVE to read, and find that I get so lost in the books I read. My husband gets a bit irritated that my booklight shines into the late evening hours, but I just can't pull myself from the story sometimes.

Anyway, this was a happy delivery for me and I have been kind of floating on a cloud. I wanted to share the news. : ) Seeing something so special to me in print is not a joy I can contain...

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Gray areas are so tricky...and life is full of them. As a mother, navigating through it all can be a real challenge. My son is such a little sweetheart. Like all kids, he has his difficult moments, but for the most part he is just a sweet little spirit who looks for ways to bless others. He is a constant source of hilarious silliness, a big help around the house, and a great big brother always (maybe I should say *usually*) willing to lend a hand to his little sister. He is boisterous, has a fun sense of humor and belly laugh to match, and has a wonderful imagination. He is all boy and loves all forms of action heroes but is not above playing dress up if his present company so desires. There is one aspect of his personality however, that is a bit of a mystery to me. When he meets someone new he may talk to them like he's known them for years, or he may clam up tight as a drum and hide behind my leg. The same is true for people he knows and loves. There is no rhyme or reason to it, and no predictor of which way he will lean in any given situation. He may want to talk his grandparent's ears off on the phone, or he may silently and vigorously shake his head no if I suggest he tell them "hello". We went on a walk with an older neighbor boy last night and while we walked my son wouldn't utter a word as the other boy chattered and tried to get a little conversation going with him. We got to a park area and the boy as well as my son and daughter had a ball playing Transformers in a fun-filled battle for the Allspark. My son himself transformed into a different person, exuberant with no sign of the silent child from the trek there. When we left and started back home, he transformed back to silent mode and we couldn't pull more than an occasional one-word answer from him. We could sense his shift so we mainly just allowed him to be comfortable as our silent companion. The same happens when we are with a group of people. I helped in his Vacation Bible School class and watched him grin as he sat in the circle playing "duck-duck-goose". He was enjoying himself just fine until someone proclaimed him "goose", at which point he refused to run, preferring to hold down his spot in the circle and just observe. I was telling his daddy about it and he remembered being very similar as a child. He had hoped that our children would not go through it and was concerned that our son seemed to be following this trait.I asked him what would have helped him get past feeling that way, and he said, nothing...it's just a feeling inside. My heart hurt a little to know our son was feeling this way, and I was powerless to change it. But then it occurred to me that God makes us each unique for a purpose. He made some to be extroverts and others to be introverts just as He made some to have dark hair and some light. We all put our individual fingerprint on this world. So now as a parent, my job is to find that delicate balance between encouraging my son to step out of his comfort zone as we all have to do in this world...and letting him be who he was created to be. It isn't my job to make him into someone he's not. I just have to help him find the center of the gray...

Monday, August 11, 2008

I've been a bit MIA lately...so crazy busy with the hustle and bustle of summer. My sister and her girls are here from overseas for the summer, but have to leave on Friday to go back. Boo hiss. We have enjoyed being together, and we both love the same things about the small town we share a few months out of the year while they are on holiday in the states. Taking evening walks we are able to soak up the secure feeling of meandering along the small town streets, meeting the local neighbor cats who run up for belly rubs as we pass, smelling the scent of freshly mown grass, watching the sun set over fields that seem to go on forever and feeling that perfect sensation of the warm evening air on our skin. She dreads going back and missing out on fall here, and I don't blame her. Although I am not fond of the days getting shorter (understatement) and despise when it begins getting dark at 5:30pm as winter approaches, the autumn season has so much beauty and marks the shift of many things. It's a time to dig out those sweaters and jeans, slow the pace a bit, plan outtings to the pumpkin patch and fall festivals, and get those taste buds ready for apple cider and pumkin pie. Thinking on it gives me a warm feeling, but I can't help but feel a bit of grief at the thought of those warm summer evening walks coming to an end in the coming weeks. I try to revel in the days, but they pass by oh so fast...

Friday, May 30, 2008

Oh how I love to smell my kids. It sounds so strange, but I think most mothers understand what I mean. The smell of their skin, their hair, their clothes, is something I find intoxicating. When I hold them against me I close my eyes and get completely lost in the scent and the feeling of closeness that warms me from my skin straight down to my heart. The love is so intense it is actually painful. My son and I have a little routine where after his bath I hoist him out of the tub all wrapped in his towel, and as I'm drying him off I pull him close, tickle him and tell him in a funny voice, "You little stinker, you stop growing so fast, I mean it you stop that right now!" He tells me in no uncertain terms between giggles and belly laughs that no, he will not stop growing. I know he's right, and the thought creates such a confusing mixture of yearning for past, present and future with a knowledge that as one is gained the other must go never to return. To him it is a fun ritual. He has no idea that as he is lost in the hilarity of the moment I am pulling in the scent of his clean skin as deeply as possible and aching inside to the core of my being. When I cuddle my daughter as close as two can be, I feel that each of us is as lost in the moment as the other one, in complete and utter contentment. We become almost like one, melting into each other, but I know each of us has a completely different set of thoughts swirling through our heads. While she is filled with a sense of security I am struggling with a deep angst at the realization that I cannot stop the hands of time. One day I will not have these moments. True, I will have new and wonderful ones, and for that I am in grateful anticipation. Still, the grief over these moments that keep slipping from my grasp is no less painful. It's all so bitter-sweet....