Sunday, May 29, 2016

After some months of no news about the pending sale of our studio building, we got word last week that we've been extended a new 9-month lease that will take us through March 31, 2017. There is a price increase but it's doable for me. And this is some of the happiest money I spend!

I had begun thinking about how I would reconfigure my home space to include at least some more painting space. I know people who paint in their kitchens and garages. And I was beginning to purge some of the many supplies I have stored in my studio. Like many artists, I've been gifted with supplies and materials from others who've changed their minds about doing art or changed media. Even with the reprieve though, I think it's a good idea to start Marie Kondo-ing the studio. Many of those supplies I'm never going to use.

But it makes me very happy to know that I can keep working on multiple projects in both pastels and acrylics for most of the next year. Here's a pastel piece I just finished.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

I realized this morning it's been a while since I posted about my ongoing exploration of food addiction. I now have been following the Bright Line Eating program for 7+ months. I have lost 68 pounds and 69 inches. I'm down several sizes in clothes. I'm off my cholesterol medications. I have considerably more flexibility and stamina; my workouts at the gym are both easier and more inspiring. My mood is good almost all the time. My body and my spirit like me eating this way.

At the same time, there are some challenges. Because I'm eating less than my body needs to maintain my current weight (so that I can lose weight), I'm hungry the hour or two before the next meal most days. As someone who has never liked being hungry, who ate at the first sign of hunger whether it was meal time or not, this is not easy. The end goal is worth it and I hang in there, but it's not easy.

What I like best is that I am not run by food 24/7. Yes, I am sometimes focused on food in those hungry hours but it's nothing like the constant craving I felt before. Hallelujah!

Monday, May 23, 2016

I'm thrilled to say that four of the paintings from my new Hotel Room Flowers series have been accepted for the Pack It Up show at the Columbia Center for the Arts in Hood River. All the entries for Pack It Up have to be small enough to fit into a suitcase. I've been working small (on 8x10" canvases) so this was a great show for me to enter. I'm posting one of the pieces below that will be in the show. This new series will also be for sale on my website in mid-June.

Saturday, May 14, 2016

I was in a plane descending into Portland for a quick stopover, and I gazed
upon a brilliant pink sunrise over blue and purple mountains, and my heart
ached.
Instinctively, I looked over to Eva to share this breath-taking moment, but
she was sleeping. I felt incomplete, not being able to share the moment with
her, or with anyone. Its beauty was slipping through my fingers.
This was a teachable moment for me: I somehow felt this moment wasn’t enough,
without being able to share it. It took me a second to remind myself:
this moment is enough.
It’s enough, without needing to be shared or photographed or improved or
commented upon. It’s enough, awe-inspiring just as it is.
I’m not alone in this feeling, that the moment needs to be captured by photo
to be complete, or shared somehow on social media. It’s the entire reason for
Instagram, for instance.
We feel the moment isn’t enough unless we talk about it, share it, somehow
solidify it. The moment is ephemeral, and we want solidity and permanence. This
kind of groundlessness can scare us.
This feeling of not-enoughness is fairly pervasive in our
lives:

We sit down to eat and feel we should be reading something online, checking
messages, doing work. As if eating the food weren’t enough.

We get annoyed with people when they don’t act as we want them to — the way
they are feels like it’s not enough.

We feel directionless and lost in life, as if the life we have is not
already enough.

We procrastinate when we know we should sit down to do important work, going
for distractions, as if the work is not enough for us.

We always feel there’s something else we should be doing, and can’t just sit
in peace.

We mourn the loss of people, of the past, of traditions … because the
present feels like it’s not enough.

We are constantly thinking about what’s to come, as if it’s not enough to
focus on what’s right in front of us.

We constantly look to improve ourselves, or to improve others, as if we and
they are not already enough as we are.

We reject situations, reject people, reject ourselves, because we feel
they’re not enough.

What if we accepted this present moment, and everyone and everything in it,
as exactly enough?
What if we needed nothing more?
What if we accepted that this moment will slip away when it’s done, and saw
the fleeting time we had with the moment as enough, without needing to share it
or capture it?
What if we said yes to things, instead of rejecting them?
What if we accepted the “bad” with the good, the failures with the attempts,
the irritating with the beautiful, the fear with the opportunity, as part of a
package deal that this moment is offering us?
What if we paused right now, and saw everything in this present moment around
us (including ourselves), and just appreciated it for what it is, as perfectly
enough?

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

My fourth novel, Broken Boys, has just been released. It's a sequel to my second novel, Fog of Dead Souls.

About Broken Boys: Maggie Morehouse has a husband who ignores her and a
grown son who doesn’t need her. When a mysterious stranger at a small-town
parade offers her a life outside the box, she disappears with him, leaving her
family to pick up the pieces. Caught between anger and fear, her husband involves the police. The search for Maggie and her companion leads
two Pennsylvania detectives into the VFW halls and bingo parlors of rural
Virginia where broken boys are at very dangerous play.

“Jill Kelly makes you believe each character in Broken Boys, and the
suspense in her story grows ominously without a hint of contrivance or a single
false note.” Mike Bowen, author of Damage Control.

“Detective Hansen from Fog of Dead Souls returns in the search for a
mysterious drifter whose charm masks a darker intent. This chilling story will
keep you reading late into the night to find out what happens next.” Pamela
Stringer, author of Death in the Debit Column

“Broken Boys is a riveting and unrelenting combination of lust, larceny,
and human weakness. Kelly has an extraordinary ability to delve into the psyches
of her characters and expose them as the damaged humans they are.” Leigh
Goodison, author of Jigsaw Man

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Last weekend, I spent a few days with some old friends. I was the organizer and I asked folks to bring their own breakfast and lunch foods and then planned some communal dinners with one person in charge. The breakfasts worked great. People ate when they wanted what they wanted, each of us fixing our own. And lunch worked out well too, each of us eating when we felt like it. But the dinner was more problematic. Folks came back from afternoon activities and had snacks about 5 pm. The dinner crew then wasn't eager to get cooking. This posed a problem for me. I wanted to eat with the others; we hadn't all been together at a meal yet.I eat on a schedule and I don't snack so I needed my dinner to be earlier than I could imagine was going to happen.

So I screwed up my courage and asked the dinner crew what their plans were and said that if they planned to eat late, I'd fix food for myself. I didn't want them to feel pressured to accommodate me and said so, but the grill chef made it clear she didn't want to hustle. I could have the first meat off the grill, she said, and eat my veggies later with everyone else. I took a deep breath and said that's not going to work for me. I eat one plate of food and I eat it all at one time. And I said again, I could go ahead and eat on my own (I'd brought plenty of food). In the end, we compromised. We ate an hour later than I wanted and an hour earlier than they wanted and it was okay.

I have struggled in the past in
asking for what I need but my commitment to this food plan is giving me great opportunities to speak up and to set boundaries around what works and what doesn't work for me.