Worry Wart

Right now, I'm holding MADISON (my iPad) feeling completely and utterly overit.com, as if life's obstacles aren't problematic enough with so many layers and barriers presented to road block me. Oh the shade!

Today was definitely one of those days when I wish I would have said no.

At my inner city villa, I received a text message -- you know the one we keep telling ourselves not to hope for but do anyway ... the, "I'm wanting to be back in your life after failed attempts to be consistent but wanna make it up to you please baby give me one mo' chance" text.

Mikey Mike (I promise this is the last time you will ever read anything about him) decides he wants to follow his inspiration and contact me after the bullshit he'd already put me through. I knew better than to dwell into the past. In case you didn't watch the video from the previous post, let me give you a quick overview on our connection or rather the lack thereof.

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Rewinding back to January ...

Initially, I met him on Jack'd and in person after a few days of texting and phone conversations. I received a message while at my former part time job suggesting to meet up at Bulldogs. Despite my 12-hour shift fatigue, I went anyway.

Twenty minutes of swimming through a hole in the wall full of drunk patrons shoulder to shoulder later, I parked my heels at the outside bar with January wind calmed and the KIDZ immersed. I found myself engaging conversation with a gentleman waiting patiently in line for the fast paced bartender to give him his drink order. His name was Rob, a handsome chocolate-covered older gentleman visiting from Charlotte for the weekend. While thrum into conversation and laughter, there he was, Mikey Mike staring me down seductively as if I was a Snickers and he was hungry so why wait! Met his friends who all tried hitting on me behind his back. One of them even went as far as to get a handful of my booty. I politely bent fingers and gave a look even Death couldn't deny.

"Does that belong to you?" I asked babyishly.

When he answered the obvious "no" I turn and walk over to Mike at the bar buying me yet another drink. From proposing a change of mind from one of his "friends" getting with him to Mikey's ex laying in his bed waiting when I go to his house in Decatur, to eating dried macaroni and cheese (yuck), to Mikey's roommate (the one who gave his ex a key to their house) attempting to kiss me while Mikey and his ex "talked" to being dropped off at a bus stop in a Mercedes when clearly he could have taken me home and everything in between. Clearly, I was in no way shape or form looking to see him ever again. Yet here I am reading his message after some time had passed.

Believe me when I say the struggle is real. Didn't expect to be hit by this bus neither did I believe I had to collect myself after the shit I just read.

Fast forwarding to this morning:

Wednesday 10:30am

"I wanna see you today, do you have to work? Are you still single?" texted Mike.

Immediately, my planned productive day was halted by the answering of my hormones' prayers! Finally male attention coming through my threshold and amazingly already en route to a job interview not far from where I lived. Running through my villa, sprucing, pulling out the sexy underwear and making my place not look like I didn't care, I was more than excited to spend a day with someone who I've been secretly wanting to see. However he wasn't in my immediate thoughts either. Mike, in short, has done some really fucked up shit, and here I was giving him yet another chance to redeem himself (I'm way too nice!). At Civic Center train station, Mike in his trench coat awaits for my arrival while I'm surprised by Atlanta's delightful decision for this cold front approaching in the middle of what's supposed to be spring. We retreat from the cold, however, he wasn't exactly as warm as I thought especially when he's trying to make up for past mistakes.

First it started with his needing for some MARY. So we went to FIVE POINTS and found a gardener until my personal one was available to stop by the villa (on my dime of course). When we returned, I rolled up two and instructed him to get comfortable. The initial plan was for Mikey to stay the entire day and night with me, which was looking promising. Then Momma Lyn stopped by to blow one in the air and Mike decided he wanted to have a bit of an attitude which I found rather ironic since he lives in a house with three other roommates, including his best friend who, once again, tried kissing me. But whatever, I can share the peace pipe with whomever I choose. When Lyn exited, he finally began getting undressed and comfortable and yet still on his phone texting. Completely removed from the moment altogether.

That shit is simply rude! How are you begging me "baby-baby please" one minute and then completely disconnected the next while having your wants met and then getting bitchy because one of my friends came to see me. The majority of the time we did spend was spent with him on the phone texting and disengaged. I, on the other hand, attempting to make an effort to be Betty Homemaker by going in my fridge and cooking some breakfast (which was my last bit of food left). Inattentive and still on his cell phone, Mike wouldn't even lay next to me or perform any intimacy whatsoever. Then there's a knock at the door. Tom-Tom, my gardener, standing 6'4 brown skin and straight enters and delivered some Earth. Mike of course was once again cold and again distant. He didn't even muster the decency to speak. In my mind I'm like "WTF!" Why are you being such an asshole to my friends? Slowly I was beginning to regret even answering the text ... but the fireworks are just beginning to be lit.

Two MARYs later, Mike got in the mood, not knowing the omelet wasn't enough for him, he's eaten up everything I had leaving me with nothing, not even a slice of bread. Yet here he is suddenly wanting to give attention while his dick grew and grew. At this point he'd explained why he was on the phone so much. His "brother" was giving him some money and needed to meet at Lindbergh train station. Hmm ... Lies. I felt it in my gut the moment he said it, the way his eyes weren't looking into mine like before and if his brother had a car then why did you have to leave to go meet him when he's taking FISH* (a biological female) to your apartment and your place in Decatur is my direction. I didn't say anything. I decided to let it play out. I decided to soak the bullshit all in. When I gave him the "n***a I know you're lying" look he responds with "I'm coming back ... I promise."

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A glance into the world of a HIV Positive young African American artist navigating the Atlanta safari with love, sex and art. From the crazies to the serious, the life of award winning artist Antron Reshaud Olukayode is anything but dull.

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