Breadcrumbs

Alcohol does NOT cause a person to be belligerent, aggressive and violent, though an abuser will use it as an excuse for battering his partner. Alcohol may escalate an abusive event. Alcohol can act as an “un-inhibitor,” intensifying abusive incidents—but alcohol CANNOT make a person abuse another.

You drag your partner to therapy, hoping that he will recognize his hurtful behavior and work on the negative aspects of his personality. He instead uses his counseling sessions to outwit the therapist, dissect your vulnerabilities and further demean you.

Your partner assaults you without even raising his voice. He contradicts your opinions, trivializes your feelings and blocks your communication to make you feel weak, inferior and codependent. He (she) convinces you—YOU are the one with the problem.

The first step to moving on is accepting the reality of your toxic relationship. You broke up with your boyfriend or husband because of his hurtful behavior. You’re trying to move on with your life and then he calls you and your resolve crumbles.

There is nothing more lonely than loving an emotionally detached partner. An emotionally unavailable man will court you, fall in love with you and even marry you. You settle into a relationship with him and soon after, he emotionally detaches from you and you constantly struggle to experience emotional intimacy with him.

You fall in love with an emotionally unavailable father figure. He seems to be “marriage material”; he’s financial stable, gentlemanly and reliable—but he’s tightlipped about his personal life. You think he’s opening up to you; he tells you about his bitter divorce, a hyper-critical ex, a financial fiasco or a hurtful childhood. You’re drawn in by his sad stories, you fall in love with him and then he pulls away from you.

Abandonment can happen quickly and without warning with a narcissistic partner. He may have another relationship lined up before he dumps you or if he believes you are permanently leaving him, his abusive behavior can escalate dramatically and overnight.

You can’t believe your relationship is over. You’re flooded with a roller coaster of painful emotions; you’re angry, fearful and heartbroken. Understanding the stages of grief can help you accept the process.

Something doesn’t feel right in your relationship. He’s distant, moody, evasive and secretive. He goes to work early, he comes home late and he keeps his phone on silent in this pant’s pocket. You can’t put your finger on it but you wonder: is he cheating on you?

An abuser’s goal is to control your emotions, cloud your perception and chip away at your self-worth. His covert abuse is disguised by actions that appear normal, but it is clearly insidious and underhanded. He steadily pushes you to edge with his deception, sarcasms and battering until you erupt in anger and then you become the “bad guy” giving him ammunition to justify his abuse.