In which Abs-lantis will not be denied; “slightly traumatized” is basically the default state of Xavier’s original students; we pick up the slack for Nicieza; Banshee and Moira MacTaggert probably have an active and varied love life; Xavier miscounts the X-Men; we look back over the Claremont/Simonson era of the X-Universe; and Jay makes a case for the re-resurrection of Jean Grey.

X-PLAINED:

X-Men: Red

Namor’s beard

The conclusion of the Muir Island Saga

Uncanny X-Men #280

X-Factor #70.

Cool orange spacesuits that make you immune to telepathy

Off-brand Magneto hats

Literary terrors of our childhoods

Agents DeMarco & Heacock (R.I.P.)

Casual use of nuclear weaponry

The cavalry

The end of the Shadow King

The most dysfunctional timeline

Uncanny X-Men #200-278

The case for an eclectic X-Universe

X-Campus

Resurrections, and when they do and don’t work

NEXT EPISODE: Ed Piskor’s Grand Design

The visual companion to this episode will be up sometime before the end of 2017, by which point Jay’s lungs will hopefully be working again. Yay?

In which you are probably more familiar with this show than Jay and Miles are; Paul Smith makes good art; the Shadow King is so extra that his narration has its own narration; Evil Sexy Moira is a fashion queen; there are absolutely no circumstances in which it is appropriate to use the phrase “fist-o-rama”; Legion gets possessed; and we know absolutely nothing about Pokémon.

X-PLAINED:

Universes where people are other people

What Miles thought of Thor: Ragnorok (spoiler-free)

The Muir Island Saga (Part 1)

Uncanny X-Men #278-279

X-Factor #69

Teflon continuity

Our (lack of) favorite episodes of Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

The Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men wiki

An alternate timeline

Corpse telepathy

A diabolical plan, sort of

Topicality

Theft

Sci-Fi Warlord Moira MacTaggert

Improbable aerodynamics

The greatest thing

The death of Peter Nicholas

The uncanny genital valley

Interesting ways to expand Cyclops’s powers

X-Pokémon

NEXT EPISODE: The Muir Island Saga concludes!

ART CHALLENGE: Send us your horrifying X-Pokémon! (Note: We were not kidding when we said that we know absolutely nothing about Pokémon, which means that we will probably believe anything you tell us about canon. Have fun!)

In which Deadpool and X-Men ’92 artist Scott Koblish joins us to present the Summers Family Tree as you’ve never experienced it before; the X-Men go to Dante’s Hell; Dr. Strange gets his Virgil on; Wolverine sniffs snakes; Iceman has probably killed a lot of people; and X-Men fans have remained remarkably consistent over the years.

X-PLAINED

The Summers family

Birthdays at the Xavier mansion

A package as sinister as it is stylish

Uncanny X-Men King-Size Annual #4

One version of Hell

A demon who is also a sorting hat

Another X-Men crossover conspiracy theory

The X-Men’s religious affiliations and lack thereof

Nuance of self-narration

Snakes with arms, and the vocalizations thereof

Dangers of encasing people in ice

The death of Stefan Szardos

An overly complex revenge plot

The origin of that one angry mob from Giant-Size X-Men #1

Kinda-incest

Reader responses to the Dark Phoenix Saga

X-Men vs. board games

The appeal of the Outback X-Men

Artist-character associations

NEXT EPISODE: Kurt Wagner: Warlord… of our hearts!

DEAR MISTER SINISTER lyrics by Jay Edidin & music by Tea Fougner. Performed by Scott Koblish.
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Kestrel and Jasper also love X-Men and Power Pack and X-Men: First Class, as well as the original animated series; but Katie cautions that all of those involve some adult themes you’ll need to either read around or be ready to have some challenging conversations about.

In which Secret Wars II ruins everything (more) (again) (forever); Rachel Summers hates the Beyonder almost as much as we do; Miles gets mad at comics; Nightcrawler does not do gritty well; Lady Deathstrike gets wired; and we consult our favorite 3-year-old for book recommendations.

Starring the Most Reluctant X-Men Ever (after that one team Jean Grey put together when Magneto had Professor X hostage in the Savage Land, or I guess probably any other version of the team involving Sunfire). (Uncanny X-Men #146)

Let’s take a moment of silence for how much more awesome this panel would be if Arcade were toying idly with a HeroQuest set. (Uncanny X-Men #146)

Phil and Tobe are the Harvey and Janet of Doom Minions. (Uncanny X-Men #147)

Aw, Tobe. You’re a stand-up minion. (Uncanny X-Men #147)

The hell whaaaaat? (Uncanny X-Men #197)

This is kind of like when you go to someone’s house and you’re looking for the bathroom and you open a door that you’re pretty sure is the door to the bathroom and it’s actually a room full of robots dressed up like all your mutual friends. I mean, that happens to other people, right? (Uncanny X-Men #197)

‘Kay. (Uncanny X-Men #197)

THIS TRAIN MONSTER IS SO GOOD. (Uncanny X-Men #197)

You know she’s been saving that one up for like a year. (Uncanny X-Men #197)

I kind of love Arcade and Miss Locke’s original dynamic, before it got super screwed up and sex-murdery. (Uncanny X-Men #197)

In which we welcome back Emergency Backup Co-Host Chris Sims; comics writers are basically supervillains; Cyclops is not here to have fun; Spider-Man flirts with objectivism; Murderworld is probably not financially sustainable; you should totally cosplay the Proletarian; Arcade may or may not secretly be the Archie Andrews of Earth-616; and Doctor Doom remains absolutely delightful.

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You can get prints of David Wynne’s “Back to the Future Past” art here, or contact David for the original!

This guy.

We searched for the source for this for like an hour, with no luck. Wherever it comes from, we would very much like to send it back. (Update: It’s from X-Factor #69, with art by Whilce Portacio. Thank you, Breadcrumb!)