a spiritual journey

Monthly Archives: August 2013

These are some images I saw that I can remember – in no particular order, just logging.

At various times I saw a triangle, a circle, an “O”, a 6 point star, various geometrical shapes. I just saw this on the internet looking at something completely unrelated and it reminded me of something I’ve seen before:

It was really interesting to me because I have seen this before – when I saw the star, it was moving – it was dynamic but you could clearly tell it was not a normal star, it did have six corners. the geometrical shapes/patters i see often, not sure what they mean.

This particular pattern is by a temple , this is what I found about it on the internet:

KuramaSince ancient times, Mount Kurama has been said to be the home of the spirits known as “tengu.” And it is also known, in recent years, as the birthplace of “reiki”.The Kurama Temple was built on the mountain summit with Sonten (energy from the universe) as its major deity. The power from the universe is said to be particularly concentrated in the center of the six-pointed star located in front of the main sanctuary.

I always wanted to travel to Japan – teleportation, here I come but the full experience would be nice too – I think it’ll happen, I just have to manifest it, right?

The other night, I was “sleeping” and I found myself giving love “heart to heart” to other beings but they were not human. It was really interesting and I need to ask the medium next time what this was, if it was “real” or if I made it up – not sure what happened but this is what I saw, thought…and I wasn’t really dreaming: I was giving a “heart-to-heart” love to 3 different kind of alien beings, two of them not so scary and one of them super scary for me (because in my personal opinion their bodies were super scary) but I did it anyway because I felt like I needed to.

I don’t know what this is all about – I did read something last week that aliens are here to help us and about unity and love among all and about the importance of welcoming the help and connection. SO, it could be that I am totally going crazy and making up stuff; however, I am logging it, should it make sense to me later. 🙂

So, I was giving love by going super close to their body and touching my heart area to their heart area and then touching their chest with my hand and I was thinking – “giving love”. Not sure why we were doing that – it felt right and I knew what to do, there was nothing else in my mind to be going, talking, or asking. Thinking back, it is a little weird because why would we just “meet” to touch chests? It is a little bizarre but that is honestly all I was thinking at the time – you have to give/share love…so that’s what I did. I wasn’t 100% comfortable…the first two were easier, I thought of them as humanoids although I knew 100% they were not human. The third one was kind of scary, I am super afraid of spiders and it looked like a spider to me or some sort of spidery insect but it wasn’t an insect, just looked like one (listen to me – what IS anything…anyway!!! hehe) – huge one – too many legs in any case. I caught myself feeling a little bad I was afraid and I thought it was ugly but I can’t help how I feel; however, I gave it the “heart-to-heart” anyway as it kept its legs open, it really wasn’t a big deal once I did it – these three beings came one by one although I was aware of all three at the same time at first, kind of complicated to explain. I don’t know how I knew what to do or why – it was just common knowledge in my “dream” that I was about to attempt to do that so I went with it – I do remember questioning it but more out of fear of “really?” than anything else.

The first “alien” had large dark eyes (that’s all I remember) – oh, one thing, I remember thinking that “I am taking love from the universe and transferring love, exchanging love, something about love…” – interesting, if anything else. I wish it was all more clear but it is not – I just remember bits and pieces and I don’t really recall the before or after. My mind is playing tricks on me 😉

Are there aliens with big black eyes? maybe. Are there aliens that look like spiders? Maybe – who knows. All I know is that the love was important and we had a “heart connection.” Would I physically “in 3D” touch a 7 foot spider’s chest with my chest? haha – erm, I knew that even if I was afraid, it wasn’t going o “eat” me, I just had to get over the “look” – and if it was going to eat me so what…I certainly don’t believe in “lights out” so I’d be fine…but I didn’t feel in danger at all. It was only my perception of what I find unattractive, maybe “he” thought the same about my appearance.

I know I am supposed to trust what I do, what I think, what I feel, etc – I thought my guides are helping me with this although I didn’t see them – but I still don’t know what I am making up…so far I haven’t made anything up and everything was real and confirmed YET I still doubt things because every time it seems even more unbelievable – based on what my life seemed to be 2-3 months ago even. Can I conceive that I was exchanging love or giving love to various beings? sure…does it seem unbelievable, though? you bet!

I wish I understood more or knew more of what’s going on. 🙂 I was told before (by a guide through a medium) that I need to trust, be more patient and just practice more. I understand that, I just have SO many questions, I can’t help it sometimes!

This month I am working on using my connection to work on my business and to get pregnant – I need help with both these areas, need some guidance and assistance and I am excited to see where this will go. I might still try to go out in the mountains for some fresh air – that sounds like the right thing to do. I am working on using my power to manifest some things quick for me – I know I have the power, I just need to use it!!! We can all do it, we have a choice.

This week I also saw a lady, I think it was my “nun” guide, I saw her face, I don’t know what she was helping me, she might have been helping me with the love and heart-to-heart. this reminds me I don’t have names for all my guides…need to get that handled.

I also saw a horse kind of eye – zoomed in although it felt it was alive so not like a drawing – I am not 100% it was a horse, could be a unicorn, love unicorns, no idea – but it was a horse-looking-eye I was just too close to see the entire body. Felt beautiful, smart and deep (meaning spiritually wise) whatever it was.

I will log more things as I remember them – I know there is/was a lot more but I have a hard time remembering things as I go about my life.

Another note for the week – writing more on my iphone notes – mornings and during the night as I realize what I still remember so I don’t forget days down the road. Also, I had a couple of dreams I woke up thinking “there was more there than just a dream” but I really can’t remember them Sorry – if they come back I’ll log them and if not I will make the effort to note them before I go about my day because they really do disappear fast.

In the meantime, if anybody reads this and has any experience with alien love (lol) please leave a comment so I don’t feel like I am completely loosing it. It is definitely not something I can walk around mentioning to people, even to the ones I mentioned the guides to – this feels a little more “out there” for what people have experienced. It felt right and good so I’ll go with it – I know I wasn’t dreaming because the experience was exactly how meeting Sam felt so…let’s go with it. Validation does feel right/good though 😉

When I started this Blog, this was just about meeting Sam – I had no idea that less than two months later I will be writing about six other guides? Light speed ahead, LET’S GO! 🙂 And everybody reading this is with me on this journey as I figure things out, learn and explore.

I love my guides, I am so happy they are here for me, thank you, thank you, thank you.

I talked to Teri – she is so cool – Teri are you smiling (hehe, I know she’ll read this at some point, lol – love you). She is so awesome, what would I do without her – I hope that some day I can help even just one person as much as she has and is helping me. Anyway, I was explaining to her how much it helped to go to the medium for reassurance that what I am seeing is accurate – or that my “thoughts” are accurate. Sometimes it just helps!

Last time I was logging that I wasn’t sure how many guides were around, etc – well, there are six – I had a “hunch” but didn’t trust it. I met some of them by myself and some I was told about but I haven’t seen yet very clearly.

1. Viktor – he is the highest guide – I met him first (after Sam) when I asked who is the highest guide available for a connection with me

2. Mike – I met him second, thick lips

3. Asian-looking guide – he reminded me of Buddha, I need to name him, I keep thinking of an “O” as a name, to be determined – the medium confirmed that Mike and the third guide are two separate entities

4. Mask lady – she wasn’t present at my session…the medium said she might not be available at the time, only 5 guides were present

5. A woman guide, a nun she described the medium – she said not in a religious way – she was helping me with patience and she had a message for me – I am not sure if the nun is my mask guide/woman I previously saw but I didn’t think so. to be determined

6. A doctor – the medium described him as stocky(er) and I never met him before our session – he had a message for me

Sam is also always with me and also my nanny, grandma and someone on my mom’s side that I wasn’t able to recognize.

Because I have been dealing with a lot of personal human baggage last week, a lot of my session revolved around my husband and my decision to make it work, etc. My passed loved ones brought the whole thing up and they wanted to talk about it, something that I thought was going to be a greeting became a “we have to talk about your husband’s X” really fast. 😉 I guess they know I understand they’re always with me so it was different – even though I didn’t specifically try to communicate with them before, I have told them I knew they were here and I smell them sometimes, I know they are around. I think for that reason they felt the need to “dive right into it” – I will not go into my own personal human battles as that is my human life to sort out and those are my decisions to make, it is still personal; however, I do want to get into the GUIDES in this blog!

VIKTOR is the ring leader – I say that because I often see a “circle of love” with a V in the middle, kind of like a superhero logo so I imagine Viktor represented by the V symbol. 🙂 Sometimes right in the beginning I get a letter and I then know who is there. The medium said that Viktor is the highest guide I have and he is a very evolved being. Viktor is my white bearded guide, piercing blue eyes and philosopher robe – when V speaks, you listen (that’s how I feel, in a very loving way – I want to listen!). The medium said he was also communicating through my grandma and nanny so I am not sure if the husband talk was also in part related to the guides, etc. I imagine it doesn’t make it very easy for us to communicate when I am dealing with human upsets and my mind is clouded but it is part of my human condition and I am lucky I have Teri to help me work through them – goodness – don’t you just wish they’d tell you what to do, lol? 🙂 I have decided to let it be for now and relax – fretting about any issue is never the solution – be still – I intend to be still. I am going to take more time for myself and relax.

The nun guide had a message for me and that was to clean my closets – I was a bit confused as I didn’t understand but she was adamant that I needed to clean the closets – so I did but I didn’t “find” anything. I am not re-examining the message and I am thinking it can be one of two things (possibly) – either the hole in the ceiling in the garage that I was told has mold in it and it can be interpreted as an attic closet or the actual attic (nothing in there that i know of), or who knows. I will keep at it until it’ll make more sense.

She (the nun guide) also said I needed to be more patient with myself. She said I needed to PRACTICE MORE, which is so true and she said I expected everything to come to me immediately instead of give it time and practice. I agree – I keep wanting to find out everything – all of it NOW 🙂 I need to relax and take my time to practice a few times a week and not rush things but also spend time being quiet and allowing myself to be open. She has a lot of love for me and she has been with me through many lifetimes. At this point my medium said I was an old soul – fun – should have a lot of “movies” to see then when I go for past life regressions. 😉 For now, however, my goal is to work on this life and on my connection with spirit.

The guides also told me to take the nature trip I wanted to take for my birthday – I want to rent a quiet cabin and be out in the mountains relaxing – they thought that was a good idea and I feel a pull to go there and be relaxed and off of the “i” devices of all kinds. 🙂 I am also trying to add a translate button to this blog but I haven’t been successful – I do own a marketing company so I could have my coding guru do it for me but can I have a co-worker read this? hehe

Then, the doctor guide wanted to talk to me – he said I needed to start eating better and loose weight – how funny – who would have thought I would get so many ACTUAL messages. He was very clear in his message and he said that if I didn’t stop the carb-sugar eating habits I would develop an auto-immune disease. YIKES – I clearly don’t want that so I will be starting a clean eating program asap. I also have been having a clear thought that I needed to eat better but I usually brush it off as “I am having so much fun eating all the crap” – but I don’t believe I will be having fun with an auto-immune disease and I feel like not paying attention to the warning is my choice but it would be a pretty foolish choice. I want to be able to use my body for a long time and in order to help other people in this lifetime I need to be healthy and strong. I think sickness would consume my thoughts and efforts and I would have less time for my spiritual journey – we create our future. We have a choice – I will choose to be healthy so fresh and nutritious food, here I come…again. The difference is that I need to make a life choice not just a choice for right now.

I also have a clear feeling that this doctor can work through me, if allowed (to be developed and expanded on later – I read about that in “Opening to Channel”); however, I think for now he is trying to help me help myself. I need to take care of my body – we all need to take care of our bodies and eat clean.

Eating clean is not easy for me, I have to really try BUT I will reprogram my brain to change that programming, I can totally do it (with Teri’s help)- I plan to use EFT for old habits and to program new ones, guided weight-loss meditations, exercise (walking and weights) and natural supplements to help me in my weight loss efforts. Since my appointment, I have seen the stethoscope too so the doctor guide is around me. I will ask them all for guidance and strength – I need to do this for myself, my daughter, family and for my spiritual journey. A clean body will support my efforts and will make it even easier for me to communicate with spirit. I’d like to note here (because I feel it) how emotional I sometimes get talking about them – I just feel SO MUCH LOVE, I don’t know how to describe it other than it is beautiful and it brings tears of joy to my eyes – who are these amazing beings who care so much about me? I love them so much and I am so thankful for their help. All of my thoughts about this have been messages I have been ignoring. TIME TO WAKE UP!!!

I have been having a rocky relationship with my mom – I judged her a lot in the past, we have very different views on many things but my journey and the spirits are giving me a different perspective and I feel so much love for her and so much acceptance. And the same goes for all my family members – I feel a deeper love for everybody, like the intensity just went up a notch for no reason – I appreciate them all more, I see all their good more, I like them more, I want to hug them more…it is funny – awesome. I still have the silly human thoughts and issues but overall my love feels more intense in a cool way.

So, my five out of six guides were all there – last time I saw the medium only Viktor and Sam (angel) were present. My journey is moving so fast, I sometimes find it unbelievable! I wonder how many people would read this and think I need to be hospitalized lol – I’d probably think I needed help should some of the things I am going through now have happened two years ago – the way I went primal feeling like I was going to explode out of my body and then the entire world, might not be considered “normal” behavior but guess what – the raging anger I felt made me realize my power – OMG I could move mountains. Bless Teri for being so helpful in explaining some of that and helping me understand my power. I am not crazy, I am waking up – look around – how beautiful, how much love and how much we can do – it is up to us. I choose to pay more attention – I choose to stop ignoring “my thoughts” and choose the path I want. I’ll be making adjustments as I go. 🙂

I have a TEAM OF GUIDES here to help me, to support me, to guide me – and I have my angel and I have my passed family members, they are all around to help – having the love of all of these amazing beings is overwhelming. I am on my path…goal: practice more. They told me I needed to practice so I will try to pay more attention and ask questions during the day too and maybe I will practice with readings for a couple of loved family members to see what happens. I will also ask questions at night and see what happens (remembering I cannot read for myself because my own human feelings and desires get in the way!).

One thing: the medium said she felt (at the time) that I wan’t going to have another child and I freaked in my mind – this is not true (I thought). It might be the true future she could see at that moment in time because of what I was thinking about my relationship and wanting to wait, work on it first, etc BUT that being said, knowing that is a possibility for one of my future versions, I intend to turn that around PRONTO so time to get busy!!! Let’s prove this “creating your future” business right now. I 100% believe there are multiple versions of the future and the final “reality” depends on what we choose – I think I have a very small window of opportunity for a kid and if I wait like I was going to (and work on other things first) I will miss it and it is irreversible for my body – it is what I feel – and I don’t want that – SO, let’s test my theory. At that place in time, I was going to have one kid – let’s see what happens with her prediction next time I go based on my actions from now until next month – stay tuned. Time to play with my power of intention, creativity and love.

And should I not have another child – my spiritual journey will go even faster – either way, I will be working with spirit and growing, learning, practicing – very exciting. I want to make it clear that for some reason, regardless of what will happen, I feel it is ok. I never felt that way in my life 100%, it always took a bit more work with Teri or they would be upsetting before Teri (should we refer to my life as BT and AT?) hehe – the thought that I can do anything and create anything yet not resist or be too upset about things that happen to be a certain way. I can’t explain what is happening any other way than issues seem less important, “problems” are easier to work through and love is more intense. And I am very excited for all of us. I have to translate this blog! 🙂

I feel like there was so much more I wanted to say – excuse blabbing and mistakes – I am not a writer, these are just my thoughts.

I always think I have “no update” but when I actually sit down to write I realize there are quite a few things I haven’t logged and many more that I just forget after a few hours or don’t remember at all. Teri suggested a notebook by my bed to write questions in at night and answers when I wake up – I have been using my phone notes instead, works so far, we will see. I have logged some things but forgot to log days, etc.

I have my guide’s names now – I asked them and they either gave them to me or we made up acceptable names that felt right together – whatever the answer is, the bearded older guide is Viktor and the other guide with the thicker lips is Mike or Michael. I am very happy to have names so I thanked the guides. (also I met yet another guide – the first woman I saw…details below)

I also saw an asian looking “person” (i didnt get a gender – i thought both genders or just neutral) sitting with their legs crossed, hands together and holding light – the light – then as I kept watching it seemed like there wasn’t just one pair of hands but many many sets of hands holding the light – it felt very peaceful.

Last week I went through some personal human drama – I was so MAD that I had to figure out how to go primal before I could even begin to EFT or release my upsets – so, I go to my bedroom and I let it out. I was punching the bed and pillows as hard as I could while screaming as loud as I could in my comforter and crying and just letting my rage out – I was a caveman (I am actually a woman now/here)…until I felt like a vein in my head popped – not kidding, super strange and it hurt so I stopped going crazy. I went in the bathroom and looked in the mirror and I actually busted veins around my eyes (on the outside of the eye, visible through my skin). I know I did something to the thick forehead one but I can’t see anything on the outside so I am assuming it is ok. I’ve done anger release like this before but I don’t think it was ever as raw and I honestly feel like I could use energy to explode out of my body – the medical equivalent of what I see in my mind might be a stroke and not as “cinematographically” beautiful but I feel like I have the power to do that so I had to calm myself down as I have more playing to do here and it wasn’t my goal to hurt my body – I simply just let it go and I was surprised at the intensity. I don’t do well with dishonesty and that’s what my human drama was wrapped in so I went a little nuts. I asked my guides for help and I have been releasing and working on myself and apart from a super sore shoulder and busted veins under my eyes I am ok 😉

That night, I turned to my guides and I asked about my “drama” and for some guidance. I then had a dream. It was really elaborate and I don’t want to detail it more than to say it was on the topic but I didn’t really understand what the guidance was…it was not clear to me because it was just telling me what I already knew – that I had to choose what to do – and that might have very well been my message. I understand that it is hard to “read” for yourself when feelings, etc get in the way and I also understand the guides are not here to stop us from learning our lessons. Issues with trust in relationships have had a pattern in my life so trust and forgiveness, etc could very well be something I am working on in this life. I am making my choices – and the #1 choice is to not explode out of my body when angry lol – I still need it on this planet 😉

Because I feel so powerful and when I was channeling my anger I literally did physical damage, I think I’ll be more careful in the future with going primal – clearly I have no trouble accessing feelings 😉

The following night I was still struggling with my forgiveness and I asked for help. At first I got a quick V and that’s normally what I see for Viktor so I assumed, ok, V is “coming on” – but I then saw an asian male face – kind of like Buddha, he reminded me of Buddha – he had thinner lips and a fuller face and it felt asian even if I don’t specifically remember studying the eyes. I don’t know what to make of it – I don’t know if this is part of Mike whom I only remember lips from or someone else? Is this tied with the hands holding light I saw that were also asian in my mind? I don’t know.

I then saw the light out in the horrizon and I then saw a female jaw line and then face, semi-profile – I immediately thought to myself “she is here to help me with my husband trust issues” that I asked for. I kept looking and then she had a mask on – not a weird mask but a fancy expensive half face (eyes only) venetian looking mask – a simple, beautiful, porcelain, white and blue eye mask. I thought to myself this is weird, am I seeing this ok? Then, after I did see the mask by itself so yes it was a pretty lady mask and the face I saw was a woman. So who is my mystery woman? Is she another guide? I also got an “O” so I don’t know if that has to do with her name or something else – I just want to keep it logged so I can come back to it if it makes sense later.

So now I have Sam (my angel), Viktor and Mike, the two guides (Mike is still to be confirmed), the asian Buddha look-alike (is this Mike or someone else?), and the woman with a mask. So there are either 4 or 5 of them and I only have Sam and Viktor (angel and higher bearded guide) confirmed by the medium – the new ones are new connections. I do know, however, that I have been saying my affirmation before I go to bed and only allowing spirits of the light of higher development than me. I will let you know as I find out who my new “contacts” are.

I am amazed at how fast this is really developing – two months ago I didn’t have anybody and now I need to write them down and really pay attention. I need more information and it is fun. I will try not to get wrapped up in any human “stuff” this week and focus on healing my body, resting, and getting back to exploring my connections with higher spirit. I don’t think exploding will help anything other than get me to the light faster 😉 hehe

I have the feeling there are 6 of them right now, 6-7. I don’t know if that includes Sam, I assume so. If that is so, then I haven’t yet met them all – maybe they’re taking turns introducing themselves and showing me how I will distinguish them? That’s what makes sense – I will confirm and make more sense of it.

On the boots on the ground agenda: working on the new business direction; attracting the right clients; attracting wealth – creating the life and business I want to have. I am close, so close – my only challenge is allowing for greater abundance, I still find myself have doubts BUT I am using the Magic by Rhonda Byrnes as guidance and I know I’ll succeed, it is just a matter of time and doing my homework – GRATITUDE.

Yes, I know – things are getting “weird” and my entourage is expanding 🙂 Here I was thinking my next blog will be about my spirit guide and whoops, I now met someone else.

BTW, all my posts are in chronological order of how I experience things, change my views and opinions, etc (in hope soon I’ll have less views and opinions and I can just observe). So, I met someone else last night – it is not Sam, it is not the new bearded guide – he was a new guide (I assume) and I just saw his face, he had thick lips, that is what I remember lol. I was asking a question of Sam or the new bearded guide and someone else stepped up.

The way I saw him is very interesting, I see eyes first (very intense), light and lights, various other mumbo jumbo things I can’t really discern (sometimes it feels like a traveling through a cosmic soup, I really don’t know how to explain it – I don’t mean I am traveling, I am very much present in my body, just my vision) and then I get a face in and out, not clear and not static but certain things stay with me – like the full lips.

I was thinking to myself what am I supposed to do with all….this. The first message I got was a pool and people diving in elegantly from all angles and I felt a clear message to “dive in!” – I repeated that thought, ok, I am supposed to dive in, got it.

I woke up this morning e-mailing Teri and thinking “this blog is not about me, this is so much more” – it all is so much more. Not that what I do is not important for myself, clearly it is super cool…but lately I get the idea that this will be more than a journal and at the end of the day it doesn’t matter if it can help one person or millions because it can help someone, I know it can.

Again, I need to go back to my masterpieces and draw – I saw many things and I can’t really remember much more than light, a star-like rotating light shape “thingie,” the fact that I am supposed to “dive in,” accept, not doubt and question myself.

So, now that I am aware of Sam and my two guides, we will see how we will communicate and what I can log, based on what I can remember – I know there were more things in the middle of the night that I wanted to remember and log but I really can’t remember them right now, and my life with family and business doesn’t allow me to wake up and write – especially since my husband doesn’t really know I am doing this…explaining that I need an hour of piece right when I wake up might happen but it needs to happen gradually.

I saw a door at some point, a door made of light, and I thought to myself open it, go through and I did and then there was a “helping hand”…there was someone there, a light, and I couldn’t see any form, the only form I saw was an extended hand/limb connected to the light and I grabbed it. The information I remember is very fragmented and the order is all mixed up today so I cannot surely say I know exactly what happened – but I know it was someone new and it felt loving and helpful.

Throughout this past month I keep seeing the outline of a window – the “window of opportunity” I call it, it is the first thing that comes to mind – to be explored.

I am trying to work on my fear – I have been reading too many conspiracy theories and alien take overs, and souls wanting to physically live on earth during the transformation ETC to the max – I need to relax and just be – just “do my thing”, read my affirmation, I am only allowing spirits of the light around me and I am sure they are here to guide and help me but my human mind can’t help but try to make some negative stories about it – so I am trying to EFT and do sedona to release any negative thoughts – I am in control, they are not powerful, I just sometimes notice the thought and have to remind myself I am “crazy” – the reason I put things in quotation marks is because usually some words have a negative connotation but I find crazy perfectly fine. 🙂

We were watching 20/20 last night and my husband started asking questions – I ended up telling him about my teenage experience with seeing the “truth” as it was happening – I was very reserved and gentle about it and he seems ok…he is definitely opening and asking questions. Not sure I am ready just now to reveal how truly out there I am stepping but as he asks questions and inquires I will share what feels right with him. He has a good sense of humor and sometimes it is nice to get a chuckle out of an otherwise serious subject for me.

It is super exciting and I find myself having a billion questions so I need to remember to center and breathe. Teri posted something today about awakening and feeling special that I absolutely loved…you can see it shared on the facebook page or here is the text, shared via Teri Ritchie:

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Do not think that enlightenment is going to make you special—it’s not. If you feel special in any way, then enlightenment has not occurred. I meet a lot of people who think they are enlightened and awake simply because they have had a very moving spiritual experience. They wear their enlightenment on their sleeve like a badge of honor. They sit among friends and talk about how awake they are while sipping coffee at a cafe.The funny thing about enlightenment is that when it is authentic, there is no one to claim it. Enlightenment is very ordinary; it is nothing special. Rather than making you more special, it is going to make you less special. It plants you right in the center of a wonderful humility and innocence. Everyone else may or may not call you enlightened, but when you are enlightened the whole notion of enlightenment and someone who is enlightened is a big joke. I use the word enlightenment all the time—not to point you toward it but to point you beyond it. Do not get stuck in enlightenment. -Adyashanti

~~~

Don’t think I don’t think I am special, of course I am special BUT I am not above anybody, I don’t feel “better” or “special” because I am having these experiences and others are not – I am reading time and time again that we are all the same, all one, we all have the power to be awake, we just need to believe it – all I am doing is believing that I don’t need to hide and be afraid anymore. I was talking to my mom and I was trying to explain some things to her and help her get on the spiritual cleansing journey and as I was talking I realized that some things are so hard to explain and I have even more love for teachers like Teri of http://www.accesstheedge.com that dedicate their lives to helping us realize who we are and what we can do – we have a choice. We want the end result and a magic pill of how to get there, most of the time, rather that trying to do the ground work of spiritual cleansing – I know from personal experience (present tense and recent) how hard to is to dedicate the time to do 5 minutes of EFT, knowing it is effective – change is not easy but it is doable and I am willing to keep trying.

So, now I have two guides I need names for – my bearded guide and my full lips guide – I will ask for names and we will see what happens.

I also have a new found sense of urgency – not in a bad way – but it makes more sense why I needed to document my experiences and my initial thought that I’d wait 20 years until I don’t have small kids, or am older, etc vanished because I do feel the time is now. I need to document all my experiences, now.

I also had a thought of trying to find a meeting with other people trying to channel or connect BUT then I had a clear message (at least for now) that meeting all those people is not helpful to others who need help because those already believe and are on their awakening path. I think I am supposed to just do my own thing the best I know how, with the help of my support group, in hopes that all of us combined can help as many as possible, interested ones, of course, by using the examples of what we are working on or experiencing.

I will try to remember more things about last night and if I do, I’ll update the post.

I met my higher spirit guide two weeks ago and sort-of talked my way out of it – I say sort of because I did get the message he was the guide I have been asking Sam to introduce me to…but then one thing led to another and I interpreted his bearded face (I only saw the face) as an author who also does seminars and I thought I am meant to go do the seminar – I semi-talked myself out of it. I also got a name but I forgot it…I am sure I’ll get it again as we are just starting.

Here’s the story: I was going to bed and after my affirmation I was saying hi to Sam and I thought “Sam, is there a higher guide who wants to talk to me? I want to be connected to the highest guide available who can help in my development.” I am interesting in channeling, helping, learning and everything in between – this is carving to be such a FUN journey, I am loving it and I feel so blessed and so much love – it is hard to really describe it.

Just like with all my other “visions” I am not sure if this happened immediately or after a little sleep or when – but, I saw the face of an older man, white beard, kind face, blue eyes (I didn’t actually see them blue but I feel they’re blue). I also got a name earlier that night but I forgot it

I don’t think I really knew what was happening.

Days later, I saw a photo of an author who also does seminars and helps people connect to guides and I thought OMG this is the guy I saw (because he had white beard and blue eyes) so I must try to take a seminar. In the meantime, Teri and I talked, I told her about him, we talked and we left it at…lets just see how you feel in a little bit and keep examining yourself as Teri knew this will go away, I didn’t; however, after our chat the need to go see this man went away. In the beginning I wanted to go hug him, I was feeling such attraction to the bearded man I saw in my “dream”

A couple of weeks went by and I forgot about it – I had been busy writing this blog, living my life, etc.

Today, I went to see the medium again as I wanted to fill her in on all my contacts and I wanted to chat about contacting my guide, etc. As I go through my stories and feelings, I get to the bearded face – she asks me for a thorough description and then says “honey, that sounds like a high guide.” I said how do you know…and she said “because I am a medium” lol…I am thinking ok….so she follows “he is actually standing right behind you and Sam stepped back, still to your side on the right but further back and your bearded guide is right here with you.” I am still getting chills writing this just as I did then – I was overwhelmed by so much love and joy and other feelings I have no words for. So much happiness, like meeting your parents for the first time times infinity.

The medium tuned in and described my guide exactly as I saw him and said he is in a robe…I instantly remembered I thought of someone in a toga before during one night so that made perfect sense…he reminds me of a roman/greek/robe of some sort and he is just wise and loving and warm and huggable (virtually).

She told me he is telling her about things I have been worrying and thinking about lately like my 2 year old being challenging and me not having enough patience, like not being sure if I should have another kid since I seem to loose my patience with this one already and I want to be a good mom, etc. My guide was saying “don’t worry” and I can’t tell you how refreshing it was to know that both him and Sam are here with me to help me, he said he has been helping me with my patience. Just knowing I have someone trying to help me be more patient, have more compassion and understanding and have a better relationship with my daughter is beyond amazing. I am so grateful – I am so lucky. The guide also transmitted that my daughter is an old soul and very smart…I know that, I’ve always known that…this little girl is truly special.

How unbelievable is this: I connected to my guide with Sam’s help all by myself without going to any fancy seminars, knowing how to meditate or doing anything special. I am not saying I didn’t have any help…everything and everybody in my path helped get me to where I am today and I am so excited and happy for my unbelievable journey.

The medium then asked me if I wanted to do hypnosis and balance my chakras and meet the guide more – duh! 😉 of course I do. So we started – we did a guided chakra meditation and then she had me sit down with my guide and in doing so and in evaluating my experience I got the most important message: I don’t need to make it too hard and too complicated and I need to stop over-thinking it.

I was thinking that all my interaction with spirit needs to be in clear images because I did see images before. So, when asked to picture one or another I thought I wasn’t able to do it just because I didn’t go in some trance to see clear movie-like images. The truth is, my imagination and thinking of something is enough. The message I got today though thoughts and realization are that I need to stop over-thinking things, trust what I see, trust the thought I have about something I see as the truth, trust that my imagination is good enough and trust that my guide has made a connection – I cannot say enough how much love and positive emotion I have…I am so happy and excited.

I now realize that the universes image from my “images” post is actually something given to me by my guide and it does have a lot of meaning – he was showing me how much there is that I can’t even wrap my mind around – he was showing me the “big picture”

I also have had waves of information that I don’t really recall but I remember thinking whoa and then – puff – gone. I think it was just a lot and maybe too fast, I might have missed it but he knows that and we will keep working on our connection – I am so happy to have this connection, I feel a sense of responsibility to log it in, just like I did before. I see the image of calligraphy I had before with the urge to write this blog differently – it is possible that an older human experience thinks of writing as calligraphy whereas we only type 🙂

I am going back and forth between this being my journey and this being a blog someone will use as helpful information – I don’t know at this point if my guide wants to use this to send messages (BTW as I wrote this I got a nudge through my seat, lol!) but if he does I will certainly log everything I experience as I love documenting it for myself, for my kids, for others – for whoever can find help and comfort in it. I know I do!

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The below I felt like saying and the second two lines are lyrics from a song that came on my ipod as i was writing the first two lines (andrea bocelli) that I just wrote down

Things are changing now, the world is changing – more of us have to try to help others be aware, be awake, be present to the truth. Know the truth, speak the truth, live the truth – love and acceptance, love for all, endless love.

We were born to shine, all of us here, because we believe – don’t give up, keep trying. Like stars across the sky, we were born to shine and to succeed, you have to succeed – and you will succeed!

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Here we go again – I start every post with a paragraph and where does the babbling go…back to my message. I need to trust myself – I need to not doubt my ability, my connection, my power, my love. This is it – I always knew something was “off,” something more was there – this is it, I have found it, I am waking up to my true self and it is beautiful – I am beautiful, I am so beautiful, I am love. I have so much love to give, I feel like it is radiating out of my body, I need to give and spread love and light. I am so happy and I cannot wait to relax, close my eyes and send love to both Sam and my new guide. Well, they’re both new to me even if Sam has been around since birth…I just met him “formally” and I still have questions about our life together and I plan to go for a past life regression at the medium eventually but until then I really feel the need to establish a better connection with my guide and keep following the path I am on without doubting it and making it fit a mold or an idea – I am trying to go with it and see where it takes me – so far I have felt nothing shy of excellent and balanced, happy, loved, helped, etc. I am feeling better, even.

Interrupted by a call and lost it for now – time to stop 🙂 I will log in my next experience when time comes.