The Bitch and The Bastard

The Bitch and The Bastard

“You have enemies? Good. That means you have stood up for something sometime in your life”

I love these words from Winston Churchill.

Sometimes in life we need to stand up and speak up and even take assertive action. We need to be willing to go into battle for love and honour, for they are the only things in life worth defending.

There are times we need to cross bridges and connect with others and times we need to burn bridges and walk the other away.

Within each of us lies the potential for us to act with the grace of gentlewoman and gentleman, or alternatively, with the aggression of a full-flight BITCH or BASTARD.

Our gentleness is able to lead us in life only if our heart feels safe and we engage in deliberate healing. Our sensitivity, fragility, kindness and compassion are our birthright. However, if our heart becomes deeply wounded our ego (our external shell where intellect and physicality dominate) will take over.

In those who become primarily a BITCH or a BASTARD, a warrior in other words always up for a fight, a deeply wounded heart resides.

On any given day any of us can choose to be either a shining example or a bloody good warning.

While we remain wounded and deny the importance of healing, our loyal warrior will remain on duty 24/7 to protect our heart. We repel rather than attract connection in order to prevent our heart being traumatised even further.

My Warrior BITCH in days gone by would pick up her verbal sword over the smallest threat. However, these days I am able to observe her, speak with her and calm her. As a result, I do not go into full-on battle, but am able to act with integrity, which she has always had if others took the time to understand her rather than attack her.

These days if treated with respect she will lower her sword and apologise if I am tangled in a misunderstanding, however, if you genuinely mean me or those I love harm, game on. My Warrior will raise her sword and come for you. Most of us would fight to the death for those we love, and for this we need not apologise for our protective instincts in my view.

I am becoming increasingly successful at communicating with this dimension of myself these days, and feel a great peace when I am able to respectfully approach my Inner Warrior (who can easily be mistaken as a fully blown BITCH) without alarming her further.

From my birth (1962) until 1995, I lived in deep emotional trauma and hid my fragile and wounded heart from the world. Throughout my teenage years into young adulthood, I became a fully blown addict/alcoholic and, as a result, my Inner Warrior BITCH was always on guard. She needed increasingly chemical stimulants as the years passed to stay alert, but to also help medicate the pain from my untreated heart wounds (childhood sexual abuse and domestic violence).

I rarely felt safe as a child, teenager or in young adult life around men or women. The only humans I felt safe with were children. As a little girl, my BITCH (Inner Warrior) used to come and get me and carry me into a tunnel when violence or abuse was about to take place. She could detect the level of alcohol in my abuser’s system with her acute sense of smell. The tone of the adult voices that were arguing around me indicated how dangerous the enemy was becoming. My Warrior instinct knew how deep we would need to go into the fairy tunnels.

My BITCH warrior was (and still is) a powerful, reliable force of nature. She is energetically a tall, magnificent Amazonian woman, strong, highly intelligent and relentless. While my four-year-olds little heart was hidden in the deepest tunnel, she stayed to protect me on the coalface of the attack, in my body. She taught me how to not make a noise nor beg, cry or give away my power. She was stoic. Her ability to be silent in the midst of great pain helped diminish the amount of violence my little body had to endure.

In adult life, drugs and alcohol helped my Warrior BITCH stay alert and on the job 24/7. Substances also are extremely effective at keeping childhood trauma suppressed short term, not long term. On October 12, 1995 when I got into recovery and put down the booze and drugs, my Warrior BITCH became more hypersensitive as she had no anesthetic to quell the pain from her past, untreated battle wounds.

After years of therapy, physical and emotional detoxing and consistent writing I have come to realise there is no need for me to be neither ashamed nor afraid of my loyal Inner BITCH, Warrior woman. These days I am doing my best to honour her, support her and thank her. My heart can drop anchor safely now with my husband and a few other safe adults.

My Inner BITCH Warrior has now retired and instead of being fearful of the worst in people, she prefers sharpening her meditation and yoga techniques that empower her to look for the best in people. My Inner Warrior is now empowered by love, however, she would still charge in to defend my own battle-weary heart, my children, my man or my intimate circle of dear friends, should anyone ever disrespect them in any way. But this is a rare occurrence these days.
When we stop warring with ourselves and learn how to own without harsh judgement and shame our Inner BITCH or BASTARD with human compassion life becomes more peaceful.

When human beings feel afraid and on guard we become prickly and unattractive in our behaviors, so that people that we believe are our enemy will keep their distance. A little like a skunk sprays an unpleasant scent on their attacker so they will retreat. Our Inner BITCH and BASTARD are our defence mechanisms that we use when we feel unsafe.

So next time someone you love is in BITCH or BASTARD mode around you, the challenge is to respond to the best of your ability with the grace of a gentlewoman or gentleman.

My husband has a little phrase he uses any time he senses I am about to raise my Warrior’s Sword and go into battle with him. It reminds me that I am safe and he is no threat to my heart. He looks me in the eye and says gently and respectfully …

“Sweetheart, I am not the enemy. I love you. I am on your side. I just see this situation differently to you, I am not attacking you. Let’s have a cuppa and sort this out?”

Love works miracles.

My heart hears his and I lower my sword (most of the time hormones permitting). The weary Warrior BITCH now takes her orders from my gentle inner queen and sits down for a well-deserved quiet cuppa instead of drawing blood.

Marcus Aelius Aurelius reminds us to …

“Waste no more time arguing about what a good person should be. Be one”

This Word Vitamin is an excerpt from my latest bookset “The Four Seasons of the Heart”. If you would like to order your own full set of Daily Word Vitamins one for each day of the year, in book form for yourself or as a gift just click on the SHOP tab and place your order.