"Last night, I dreamed Kurt Cobain was alive and well. And he and Eddie Vedder were playing acoustic shows across the country singing Nirvana and Pearl Jam songs. And I got to sit front row at every show."

"Dear Mr. President and Congress, I have a fantastic idea for a piece of legislation. I call it, "The No One Should Be Allowed to Operate a Decommissioned Police Car, Because It Scares Us, Causes Elevated Heart Rate and Tightening of the Hindquarters, All Unnecessarily, Act of 2013."