CIA offers to help Agents Mulder and Scully prove the existence of UFOs

January 31, 2016

Is the U.S. government concealing evidence of extraterrestrial visitors to the planet Earth? Of course they are. Why else would the CIA suddenly urge us to read hundreds of “classified documents” proving it? Plausible deniability. Alien technology, as we’re all aware, is responsible for the age-regression technology used to keep Nikola Tesla—

Sorry, wrong meeting.

Since the late 1970s, the Central Intelligence Agency has released hundreds of documents in relation to the existence of unidentified flying objects (UFOs). Marking the return of the X-Files, the agency curated a selection of files the intrepid FBI duo, Dana Scully and Fox Mulder, would “love to get [their] hands on.”

Here are a few reports detailing UFO sightings across the world in 1952, which you’d likely find scattered in an abysmal pile on Agent Mulder’s basement-office floor. You’d think someone with photographic memory would be a little more organized—but you’d be wrong.

Far less prone to flights of fancy, Agent Scully’s keenly analytical mind isn’t going to be convinced by a handful of grainy photos. Here instead we have a collection of official scientific and governmental memorandums on the existence of UFOs (though none will concede it’s proof of an advanced, otherworldly species.)

According to the CIA, Scully might use these documents “to prove there is a scientific explanation for UFO sightings.”

Thousands of UFO sightings are reported around the world each year. They can’t all be weather balloons. No, clearly there is a global conspiracy to conceal the existence of extraterrestrials at the highest levels of power. Nice try, CIA.