I’m gonna tell you a little story about my kindergarten self. No, it’s not the story about how I went around during recess asking kids if they were a boy or a girl. But I will say that it’s a great way to guarantee tears. This story is still about me being a jerk, but I kind of learn a lesson at the end. Key words: kind of.

It’s typical that kindergarten classes are only held for half of the day. I would go to school from about 8am to noon. My teacher was Mrs. Ford. She was tall, skinny, and had short dark hair. She had the voice of a smoker. That’s about as much as I can remember about her. She wasn’t very lovable.

Every day we would have play time where we were allowed to do whatever we liked in the class room. There was a play kitchen set up in the back of the room that was always a super popular hangout. I would usually spend my time looking into the overhead projector. I didn’t know what it did, but I was fascinated by it. I was so dumb.

I remember resting my face on the shiny part. What was wrong with me?

One day, I found something even cooler to look at. Sitting on Mrs. Ford’s desk was a paperweight with a snowflake inside it. I don’t know if you understand how magical this was. THERE WAS A SNOWFLAKE INSIDE A PAPERWEIGHT. I had never seen treasure, but I figured that this was as close as I would get.

I was one of the kids who would walk home from school while the other kids took the bus. Everyday Mrs. Ford would walk our class to their buses while the kids who walked or got picked up would go their separate ways. I couldn’t stop thinking about the paperweight. I wanted it. But for some reason I knew I couldn’t steal it. I figured if I couldn’t have it, then neither should Mrs. Ford. So I hid it in her classroom.

When I came back the next morning, the paperweight was on her desk. Damn you, Ford. So after school I hid it again. And she found it again. This went on for a while. A couple of weeks at least. Until one day when I hid it really well. I remember exactly where I put it. On the floor by the play kitchen. There was a lip where the wall stuck out over the floor and made a little gap. It was there where I placed the paperweight. The next day it wasn’t on her desk.

Mrs. Ford made an announcement to our class. She said, “Someone has been hiding my paperweight everyday. I couldn’t find it today. If you see it, make sure to tell me.” She didn’t seem amused. I’m sure if she didn’t know it was me before she made the announcement, she probably did afterward. I can’t imagine myself having a good poker face at the ripe age of 6. After that, she announced that we would have a special guest later that day–a policeman. A policeman?! Oh sweet Jesus why? My first thought was that he was going to arrest me. She must have known it was me, and now I’m going to be arrested and I’ll never see my family again. Being arrested is embarrassing enough, did Mrs. Ford really have to get a policeman to publicly arrest me in front of my peers?

All of a sudden I heard someone shout “I found the paperweight!” It was that ginger Heather Boch. She found it. Good job Heather. Way to ruin all of my hard work. But then I realized that maybe, now that it’s been found, they won’t arrest me! And they didn’t. The policeman only talked about traffic safety and stuff. I felt a rush of relief once he left. I never hid that stupid paperweight again.

HAHAHAHA! The cops who are on the paperweight theft beat are known to be rough. I’m glad you never got caught! Although, I must say that this blog post is pretty incriminating. I hope Mrs. Ford doesn’t read it.

Haha yep! That’s me! I don’t have a search button! Maybe I’ll make one! I have my archives at the very bottom of the page. You can click on any month and go through them. But maybe it’s just easier for me to set up a search button! 🙂

I’m more intrigued by your fascination with the overhead projector. I love this story, and, I can well imagine your face when the announcement of the officer of the law–yet–I love the sweet mental picture I have of you and that projector.

Great story. What puzzles me is that a Ginger became the hero. Do you know what would have been great? If Heather Boch got to keep the paperweight as a reward. Maybe the teacher even thought it was her who took it. She seemed to find it pretty well.

Omg that would have ruined my young life. If Heather got the paperweight. I probably would have come clean in the hopes that I got the paperweight instead. I was dumb like that. Yeah, how did she find it so quickly?!

I was going to ask how you remembered kindergarten in such detail, but being so scared that young would definitely plant the memory somewhere DEEP. I know I totally did stuff like this. Kids are weird.

I have a pretty crazy memory. I remember stuff from when I was 3 years old! But that’s around the time my bro was born aka I was scarred for life. Kids are definitely weird. Kindergarten is a weird time. At least for me it was!

So that’s where it all began…
I have some similar stories, but they happened when I was a bit older.
And the lesson that I learned was that if you jam your keys in an electric socket, there will be lots of smoke and you will be flung across the room.