Justin Bieber Shirtless Again — Have We Considered That He Might Not Own Shirts?

I just realized that I might have been being unjustly hard on Justin Bieber lately. He’s been showing up shirtless in so many public places that I just assumed he was an arrogant little twerp obsessed with the sight of his own puny abs…but have we ever considered that he might just not own shirts?

We’ve spent so much time chasing this guy around wondering if he’s back together with Selena Gomez (he is) or if he really spit on those people (he did) that we totally forgot to obsess endlessly over his financial situation! Maybe things are so dire over in Bieberville that he can’t even afford the amount of cloth necessary to form a shirt out of, and he’s just trying to distract us from that by throwing the little extra fabric he does have into the crotches of his pants. To mask the appearance of the diapers he wears because he can’t afford toilet paper! GASP!

I feel like Benedict Cumberbatch on the set of Sherlock, because this is all coming together so nicely! (Plus women everywhere love me, and you won’t see more of me until 2014.) This is why Justin only bought Selena one rose instead of a dozen! Because he couldn’t afford the extra eleven! I’m a genius! But anyway, as further proof that his closet is a barren wasteland of pants only, Justin was spotted walking around the SoHo neighborhood of New York City today, once again sans blouse. According to reports, he took off his shirt to give to a fan in the area, but I think we both know what really happened. It’s time to stop shaming Justin and start being more empathetic about his financial woes.

After all, he wouldn’t walk around half-dressed without a really good reason.