I was so excited. This week, after 8 months or so, we had scheduled a meet up for drinks. I, meeting my lover's comet. Her, so excited to bridge two people in her life whom she cared for deeply. The thrill of a challenging opportunity and moment of growth for all 3 of us.

My boo and I talked and talked, mindful about how to frame the meet up. She's met my other partners, but never facilitated her own event for her metas.

And the warmth. Oh my the warmth of it all was so palpable. Until it wasn't.

She got a phone call. I wasn't there. I just picked up the pieces. He had met someone new and wanted a go at this whole mono thing with her, and abruptly broke it off with my boo. It felt quick. Callous. Cold. It wasn't even a long call. I was sad. I immediately wondered, inside, if they had talked about what would happen if he somehow met someone new? Would he just drop my boo at the drop of a hat? Did my boo know that? That lack of security sounds scary. But this was something to be progressed on later. The feels came first.

She came over to tell me and marinate in sadness. I, normally one to advocate vibe control in all regards, gave her consensual space to be sad and marinate in it together. We talked, reflected, and I felt genuine sadness that my lover was mourning a loss of a strong romantic connection.

"I never imagined my boyfriend would be holding me as I cried over another man breaking up with me", she said. Me neither, I guess. But I'm more than empathetic. I'm more than supportive. I'm sad for her and for us.

But it's ok. Cuz within this sadness and loss of connection we found reflection, we found more bond in ourselves, and we learned more for our future. Something isn't worthy because it lasts. Something is worthy because you made it worthy, no matter how temporary it may have been.

I was so excited. This week, after 8 months or so, we had scheduled a meet up for drinks. I, meeting my lover's comet. Her, so excited to bridge two people in be her life whom she cared for deeply. The thrill of a challenging opportunity and moment if growth for all 3 of us.

She got a phone call. I wasn't there. I just picked up the pieces. He had met someone new and wanted a go at this whole mono thing with her, and abruptly broke it off with my boo. It felt quick. Callous. Cold. It wasn't even a long call. I was sad. I immediately wondered, inside, if that talked about what would happen if he's meet someone new? Would he just drop my boo at the drop of a hat? Did my boo know that? That lack of security sounds scary. But this was something to be progressed on later. The feels came first.

I wholeheartedly endorse the most positive framing one can take on a situation, especially in the absence of control. When relegated to the weighty challenges of impacts outside of our influence, embracing the notion that I can pull something, anything, from this that makes me a better person and more prepared for the future.... well, that's like, the dream isn't it? A beautiful, centering, empowering dream that we can work together to make into a warm reality. <3

We sure find ourselves in weird situations, but it’s in those weird situations that we find ourselves.

I’m sorry that your partner had to go through something so painful, but I’m glad that she had someone like you there to give her support.

I’ve talked a couple of my partners and metamours through some difficult break-ups and I’ve found that as long as I can successfully ignore the ‘small me’ who wants to frame the situation around my own needs/wants/fears, or use it to manipulate things to better suit me, that I can be a good support for them. I usually try to take my own emotional temperature about the situation before involving myself, to check and see if there are any places where I am likely to step in it, but it sounds like you’d already done that and at least you were coming off of a bit of a compersion high - I find difficult relationship things easier to deal with if I’m feeling generally positive about things as opposed to nervous or insecure, and I’m afraid I’ve probably tapped out of situations where people that I love needed support, because I knew I couldn’t be the person that they needed right then.

Anyway, thanks for sharing your story, it’s lovely to read something here other than ‘how do I convince my partner to open things up because I’m not getting laid enough’ posts. Le sigh.

I've been through this before as the one being broken up with and comforted by my husband. It's great that she has you there for her and that you have such a realistic outlook on the subject. You guys sound like really good people. Dating is hard but it's so much easier with someone who is always there for you to help you through it.

My nesting partner broke up with me to move in his partner of 3 months and my partner of only a few weeks dropped everything at midnight to come over and be with me. We've been together for 7 months now. He's a fantastic communicator and incredibly supportive. He's so understanding. He's definitely been the first person I've known I could turn to over the last few months as I've been untangling myself from my last relationship and the other people involved in that toxic situation. He's the best.

Being broken up with when I was monogamous was devastating. It's awful on a level few other things are. And so much of it was because of the nature of monogamy. It meant going from having someone to having no one. One day you have someone to hug, to share a bed with, to talk with, to go out with, to cuddle with, to laugh with. Then all the sudden you don't at precisely the moment you need that stuff the most. And you have no idea if or when you'll experience those things again.

Getting broken up with is still a gut punch. It's hard. It hurts. But having someone who loves you and still loves you and is there for you through it is such a huge difference. I cannot possibly express what it's meant to me when I've cried and my wife was there to hold me and reassure me, to tell me that I am loved and still worthy of being loved and I will be loved by others. And then life goes on with this most wonderful woman I'm lucky and privileged to be with.

It doesn't dampen the pain exactly, but it does provide an amazing validating experience to help counteract it.

I sometimes think about that situation in regards to me, too. I’m the mono one that’s in a relationship with a married woman, also for the last 8 months. Before I told/asked her to stop making jokes about it, she would make comments about me moving on to a less “dysfunctional relationship.” I think she and I both have it in the back of our minds that our relationship probably can’t/won’t last forever. We can’t live together. We can’t even let her/their son know about my real status. I would never drop her cold like that man did to your girlfriend though. I care too much about her to just say “I’m done” suddenly. But I don’t know how it could be ended otherwise. I try not to think about it, because what else is there? Slowly fading away? Telling her I’m looking/seeing some one else? It all seems cold to me. It’s a struggle sometimes [frequently] but she’s worth it. I love making her happy, and she makes me happy when we’re together. Your girlfriend will eventually feel the same - that it was worth it. She’ll probably realize that at the same time she realizes she’s over him. It’s too bad it has to be so difficult. Loving people isn’t easy. 🥺

I appreciate your response, and I certainly could see how this tactic could be implored, but the reality is that she cared about him. I cared about him because my boo cared about him. I cared about him because he treated my boo right.

In this moment of sad feels, I don't want to add negativity to the world. I don't want her to get abrasive and frame him negatively. What she was was worthwhile, and I embrace that, and I am indeed here to support her and help make this experience something that empowers her, and us, as we move forward. Thanks for your input. <3

I don’t feel compersion very often or very deeply. But I ALWAYS feel deep empathy and sadness when my partner’s hearts are broken. We always joke about that but don’t know what to call that feeling. I’m sad because they are sad. Second degree heartbreak?

within this sadness and loss of connection we found reflection, we found more bond in ourselves, and we learned more for our future. Something isn't worthy because it lasts. Something is worthy because you made it worthy, no matter how temporary it may have been.