The Agony of a Self-Imposed Star Wars Embargo on Force Friday

Guys, I’ve been suffering from a lot of anxiety about this. For those of you who don’t know, Force Friday is September 4th and it marks the start of a huge marketing blitz for the new Star Wars movie, The Force Awakens. Every thing from cereal, soup, toys and games, even make up is coming out with a Star Wars logo on it.

Luckily, this bit of marketing is from the original trilogy, so it’s not part of the embargo.

Awesome, right?!?! Not if you’re me, Cody C, the fool who decided it would be fun to not watch any trailers, read any blogs, or know ANYTHING about the new movie until I watched it. That’s right, just to be abundantly clear:

I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW A SINGLE BIT OF INFORMATION ABOUT STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS UNTIL I SEE IT IN THEATERS!

I want everything to be a surprise when I first see it, and so far, I’ve been quite diligent about it. It hasn’t been so bad; I have scouts who let me know when a new trailer pops up or some new photos are getting shared. Normally, I simply stay off of Facebook for a day or two and it’s no big deal.

Now that Force Friday is a mere…crap, two days away…things are going to get reeeeeeeeeeal difficult for me.

-Watch a movie in theaters, in fear of being trapped in a room with a Star Wars trailer.

-Join in a conversation about Star Wars without rudely interjecting my self-imposed embargo.

-Look at Facebook without a rapid-scroll spoiler check.

-Peruse a cereal, soup, cosmetics, or magazine aisle under any circumstances.

-Acknowledge the existence of billboards and bus stops

-Watch or hear TV

-Overhear conversations, even accidentally

-Go anywhere

-Trust anyone

That’s right, I’ve already had to artfully dodge some well crafted spoiler-ambushes! People are out to get me, man! So, you might be wondering…”dude, Cody C, wuzyeah? Why would you do this?”

Lately, my interest in movies has been steadily declining. I’m not entirely confident I’ve seen a film in the theater in 2015, nor have I had the desire to. Partly, I blame Netflix, or the internet at large.

Compare the hype leading up to movie releases today and 15 years ago. Back then, the first you heard of a new movie was when the trailer was released or you saw a poster for it. You could probably find some information about it on websites/blogs, but it was mainly rumors or speculation. Now, we receive updates at every stage. “Hey guys, [person] is doing a new [franchise] movie! There’s no studio, script, cast, etc yet, but it’s happening!” “Breaking news! [so and so] is directing [franchise] movie!” “DUDES! [actor] cast as [character!]” et cetera, et cetera, you get the point.

This type of instant gratification is the new status quo…we get what we want and we get it now. Not only that, but we can gorge on it; if I want to spend 12 hours watching Battlestar Galatica, that’s entirely within the realm of possibility. The feature film format, for me, just isn’t enough anymore. A film, in a way, is a finely crafted budget of time. Not only does the film have to get it’s message across, it has to do it efficiently. Too much time spent on a character or setting is going to take away from something else.

TV shows don’t need to be as efficient; take the series Firefly vs the film Serenity. Same setting and characters, but the series really delivers while the film…meh, the film is kind of the Cliffnotes version.

SPOILER ALERT!!! IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE SHOW/MOVIE, SKIP THIS PART!!

Take the character River Tam, for instance. She spends most of the show being a liability, somewhat fulfilling the helpless “Damsel in Distress” role. We spend several episodes on this. Then, in one episode…OMG WTF?!?!?!?!

“No power in the ‘verse can stop me…”

Holy Taco Trucks, what a surprise (and I had even seen the movie first)! We spend almost a whole season of River being difficult and helpless, then she pulls this?!?! Man, I did not expect to see that happen. However, when the same thing happens in Serenity….

We’ve barely had a chance to even settle into this universe, let alone make expectations about this character. Sure, if you had seen the show, you’d know what to expect, but what if you hadn’t? My first Firefly-universe experience was with the movie, not the show, so I still had a chance to be surprised.

Hmmm…that must be a dance move. There’s probably a dance sequence in this film.

Except I saw this poster. And the trailer highlighting that scene.

/SPOILERS /SPOILERS /SPOILERS /SPOILERS /SPOILERS

I’m getting a little off track, but the point I’m trying to make is: not only does the film not give you the chance to get to know these characters intimately, but one of the biggest surprises is ruined by the marketing.

I really don’t want this to happen with Star Wars. I’m already struggling with the feature film format…I need to set myself up for success. If any of the surprises get ruined…..

Hence the embargo. I happened to come across a picture of a new X-Wing and the design of the pilot’s helmet (sorry, I won’t be linking or posting a pic), something that most people won’t consider a spoiler, and I was PISSED! Sure, it’s not story related, but still. I DON’T WANT TO KNOW! That’s one tiny little surprise that is no longer a surprise, just information. I will say, so far this has only boosted my anticipation of the film. I can’t remember the last time I was this excited…like a 4 year old on X-Mas eve or a Mormon on his wedding day (heh, sorry guys), I can barely hold it in.

Now…the big kicker that I’ve been in denial about:

The new x-wing had already been spoiled for me, but I swear, I just glanced at the photo!

The one thing I thought was 100% safe (and 99% of my contribution to this blog) was X-Wing Miniatures. My favorite boardgame…now with Episode VII content! It’s rumored to release on Force Friday and a bunch of people from my board game group are considering hitting up the local Target at midnight to get their hands on a set.

WHAT DO I DO?!?!

Do I stop playing X-Wing? Do I just…let those bits get spoiled? I’ve been so good and fought so hard….sorry to reuse a metaphor, but I feel like I’m waiting until marriage and my fiance is saying “C’mon, just the tip!”

I gotta do some soul searching, guys! Do you think I’ll make it? Am I just an idiot? If anyone has some supportive advice for me, please, feel free to share!

PART TWO: So…I actually ended up attending Force Friday. A spoiler happened….read about it here!