A Parking Lot Attendant Stole $225,000 From An Eagles Player

Note: I wanted to write “Parking Lot Attendant Stole $225,000 From An Eagle” originally, because the mental picture of a man stealing thousands of dollars from a majestic bird was fantastic.

Anyway, an Eagles player — believed to be guard Todd Herremans — had $225,000 stolen from his checking account recently. The culprit turned out to be a parking lot attendant who had broken into Herremans’ car (from Philly.com):

Robert Von Ryan, 37, of Philadelphia, was charged with bank fraud. According to federal prosecutors, Von Ryan entered the vehicle of an Eagle identified as “T.H.” From the car, he took documents that contained the player’s checking account number.

A spokesman for the Eagles confirmed that the victim was offensive lineman Todd Herremans and the lot was at the Linc.

Here’s the most perplexing part of the story, however:

Using the number, Von Ryan transfered $225,034.52 from Herremans’ UBS checking account to his own, said U.S. Attorney Zane David Memeger. The transfers occured between 2009 and 2012.

Ah, I should be more specific, as this isn’t perplexing — it’s perplexingly stupid. A direct transfer of over $225,000 to your own account? Could the trail lead any more clearly right back to the perpetrator? This puts Mr. Von Ryan firmly in the running for a Darwin Award.