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Manners and Respect rant (piog)

So DH and I have his 2 kids my stepkids this past weekend..They are ages 5(DSD) and 7(DSS) (turning 6 and 8 in Aug.)...The lack of manner and respect is driving me nuts.

My Dh and I's DD's are 4 and 2...They both say please and thank you...and DD 4 says yes ma'm and no ma'm...

I'm not real strict on manners all i ask for is the basics. But between Thursday night and friday morning I am ready to go off..

Thursday night after everyone laid down they got a bed time snack (fruit snacks) when DD4 finished her snack she sat up, said I'm done and handed me her trash...as I walked by DSS (who is still laying down)he never even sits up he just hands me his trash without a word..like here you do it..I took DD4 trash and she said thank you...DSS not a word....

Fast forward to Friday am...I put the kids muffins down on the table at their seats along with the drinks...DD4 was still asleep..I put DD2 in her booster and she tried to say thank you (sounds like tanks), DSD, DSS sat down, ate, told me they were done, got up, and went and played...

No thank you, no nothing...is it too much to ask to not be looked at as the waitress or maid.

Manners and respect are not required at their moms house, DSD5 will flat out tell their mother to stop talking. DSS7 has slapped his grandmother (moms mom), kicked one of moms boyfriends, pinched me and told a poor little boy in his 1st grade class that his work was horrible looking.

the other night when i told him to watch out when he smacked DD4 in the arm doing jumping jacks in the house, he informed me "maybe she just needs to move" well we don't do jumping jacks in the house...he got in trouble...smart mouth doesnt fly in this house...GRRRR...ok rant over...

It sounds like the SKs are oblivious. Your talking about a different cultural environment within the home. There is no expectation of thanks, please, etc., throughout their daily lives, so why should they exhibit that non-ingrained behavior during visitation with you?

Talk to your DH. If you're going to have expectations in your home for them, you need to be on the same page and introduce the expectations with some patience. It's bound to be a bit of a shock when normal "I'm done" is suddenly wrong.

I dealt with this myself, I simple reminded them by saying "Thank you" to them when they should say it to me. By doing that I reminded them without making a huge issue of it. It worked and now they hardly ever forget!!

He is on the same page with respect and manners..and if he sees the lack of both he calls them out on it.. And when he is home the manners from my step-kids drip with sarcasm..but are atleast said..When he's not around, I get the disrespect and such. He has to work sometimes when we have the kids and I dont mind watching them at all, but I can't let them not do what my bio-kids are required to do.

Quoting leegirl_jm:

How does your husband feel about manners and respect? Is he enforcing that with his kids when they are in his home? In this situation he has to take the lead.

He needs to address that because that makes your job more difficult. Just do the best you can, you are not in a position to make any changes.

Quoting haylemoon:

He is on the same page with respect and manners..and if he sees the lack of both he calls them out on it.. And when he is home the manners from my step-kids drip with sarcasm..but are atleast said..When he's not around, I get the disrespect and such. He has to work sometimes when we have the kids and I dont mind watching them at all, but I can't let them not do what my bio-kids are required to do.

Quoting leegirl_jm:

How does your husband feel about manners and respect? Is he enforcing that with his kids when they are in his home? In this situation he has to take the lead.

While agree with this, the problem is we have house rules posted, they are read and explained ever weekend we have them. We have been working on manners for about 2 years so from the time DSS was almost 6 till now and from the time DSD was almost 3. (i've been in the step-kids lives since DSS was 3 and DSD was 18 mo.) We finally have DD5 chewing with her mouth closed. The I'm done I dont mind...my kids will say I'm done can i get down. I do know that DSS got the award in his class for best manners, so I know he knows and uses manners daily at school.

Quoting Derdriu:

It sounds like the SKs are oblivious. Your talking about a different cultural environment within the home. There is no expectation of thanks, please, etc., throughout their daily lives, so why should they exhibit that non-ingrained behavior during visitation with you?

Talk to your DH. If you're going to have expectations in your home for them, you need to be on the same page and introduce the expectations with some patience. It's bound to be a bit of a shock when normal "I'm done" is suddenly wrong.

He calls them out on their smart mouth and sarcasm, but it's like talking to a brick wall most of the time. BM talks like that to me and DH all the time.

Quoting leegirl_jm:

He needs to address that because that makes your job more difficult. Just do the best you can, you are not in a position to make any changes.

Quoting haylemoon:

He is on the same page with respect and manners..and if he sees the lack of both he calls them out on it.. And when he is home the manners from my step-kids drip with sarcasm..but are atleast said..When he's not around, I get the disrespect and such. He has to work sometimes when we have the kids and I dont mind watching them at all, but I can't let them not do what my bio-kids are required to do.

Quoting leegirl_jm:

How does your husband feel about manners and respect? Is he enforcing that with his kids when they are in his home? In this situation he has to take the lead.

I say thank you to them, DSD says thank you and I say you are welcome, and it's totally ignored. DH will say thank you, he says please if he needs something. DSD and DSS will look at him and go "daddy i want more ____" He's at his wits end about it too.

Quoting marriedw6kids:

I dealt with this myself, I simple reminded them by saying "Thank you" to them when they should say it to me. By doing that I reminded them without making a huge issue of it. It worked and now they hardly ever forget!!

So I allow my Sk's to do what they want, while making my Bio-kids tow the line? I dont compare on grades, ability, but I'm not gonna let my Bio -kids pic up the habits of disrespect and attitude. and if a 3 year old and a 2 year old can have basic manners so can a 5 and 7 year old.

Quoting baparrot2:

If you dont give up the nasty habit of comparing the sets of kids now, your skids will grow up to hate you.

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