“He wants to have a threesome with another woman.”

I met Lila, 22 years old, and Brian, 24 years old, who had been dating for six months when they came to me for advice about having a threesome. I could tell that Brian was more eager than Lila, so I asked her to tell Brian her concerns. She confessed her biggest fear was that he may prefer the other woman or could become addicted to threesomes.

I asked Brian to share his pros and cons of having a threesome with Lila; he said that on the upside it could expand their sexual horizon and would even agree to have a threesome with two men if she wanted. He could find no downside to the fantasy other than if it were to cause Lila distress.

I recommended they make his fantasy come true with the power of suggestion first, by pretending another woman was in bed with them. Lila would describe what she looks like, and then Brian can describe what she is doing to them both sexually in graphic detail. Afterward, if they may both really want to try it they can. However, sometimes the fantasy may be better than the reality.