I often hear friends talking about how they NEED their SO, be it a boyfriend,girlfriend, husband, wife, etc. People almost seem to get offended if I ever pipe up and say that I don’t need my SO. I’m proud of it, actually. I spent years not worrying about relationships so I grew to trust myself and love myself, so that in a relationship I love the other person, but every day I choose to be with them because I want to, not because I need to.

But on the other hand, with the idea of soulmates and such, people in love say they need their SO to get through the day — need their smile, their reassurance, and their company. Which does sound very nice.

@winstonchurchill: nope. I want him but don’t need him. I think it’s sad if you need another person for happiness – only setting you up for disappointment. You can’t truly live and be happy if you don’t love yourself and can’t make yourself happy first.

I like him… He keeps me company and is my best friend and all… But im emotionally and financially stable on my own… So no i dont NEED him… This big fancy wedding would be pretty pointless without him though… Lol

Yes, I need him. I live for almost 40 years on my own, yes I can survive on my own, but survival isn’t always living. With him, and surprising to me, it was the completion in my life that was missing. If he passed tomorrow I would survive just fine, but there would always be a piece missing.

I didn’t know how to vote so I didn’t. I don’t need him to survive, I’m a functional person on my own, it’s not like I can’t make it through the day without him. But having to make it through the day without him would suck! We’re way better together than apart so in that respect we do need each other. We’re just happier that way.

@winstonchurchill: Absolutely I do. I didn’t, not for a long time, and I don’t do soulmates either… but after almost five years together and being married, we definitely need each other now.

I think it’s self-damaging to get into a situation of needing someone when you’re not absolutely sure you can depend on them first. But once you establish that reliability and trustworthiness first, I see nothing amiss with merging lives to a degree that you are interdependent.

I voted no, but I honestly wasn’t sure how to vote. Do I need him to survive or be happy? No, not really. This is from the viewpoint of having gone through some very difficult things in high school and college. I watched my father battle cancer, took care of him while he was on bedrest, and when I was 19, I sat in the hospital and watched him die from his cancer. Going through that made me vote no, but like someone said above, needing for survival isn’t the same as needing to fully live your life. I feel like Mr. S and I are completely perfect for each other and I love him so deeply and I’ve absolutely come to depend on him for certain things. So while, if something horrible happened, I know I could be okay because I had to, I do need him on a different level. My life would go on without him, but it is so wonderful with him that I really don’t want to find out how to move on without him. It’s difficult to put into words, but I think that knowing I could live without him isn’t the same thing as not needing him in my life. I absolutely needed my father in my life, but I’ve lived without him because I had to. I think this is a more complex question than a simple yes or no can answer.

This thread makes me happy :). I’ve been struggling with this for a while with my SO because I learned everything about relationships from a dysfunctional 5 year relationship that started at 13 . I NEEDED him, and I’m still somewhat convinced that I need those same feelings in order to love my SO fully, although that’s not rational. Because I don’t need him. I love him to pieces and love him in my life, but I’d be fine without him. Given that I thought I would die without my ex, I’ve been struggling to reconcile all these emotions. Glad to see that a lot of you bees are in the same boat 🙂