No one in their right minds
would ever confuse Peter and Lois Griffin for good parents. But in the March 14th
episode of Family Guy they are borderline criminal. In this
episode, program creator Seth MacFarlane sunk to nauseating new lows as the
episode flirted with incest and statutory rape – and, for good measure, possibly
created a whole new crime of bestial pedophilia. (Don’t worry, it will be
explained later…or rather, do worry). For making light of despicable
crimes, Fox’s Family Guy (Sundays, 9:00 p.m. ET) has been named
Worst TV Show of the Week.

The central plot of the episode
involves the Griffin’s teenage daughter, Meg, and her new boyfriend, Anthony.
Constantly denigrated, Meg can’t catch a break from her family or the opposite
sex. So to everyone’s surprise, they discover that Anthony is actually normal.
Suddenly, Meg doesn’t look like such a loser. Peter proclaims to Lois, “I can
honestly say for the first time that I am attracted to our daughter. This must
be what other fathers feel like.” If Lois was creeped out by this comment, she
sure didn’t show it. Later, Lois tries to get Peter to leave the living room so
that Meg and Anthony can be alone.

LOIS: “C'mon, Peter, I think Anthony wants some time alone
with Meg.”

PETER: “Who doesn't want some time alone with Meg these
days? Right, Meg?”

Creepy? Disturbing? Sadly,
this episode was just getting warmed up. As it turns out, Lois is even creepier
than Peter.

After Peter repeatedly insults
Lois about her declining looks, she finds herself attracted to Anthony and his
flattering words. When Lois catches Meg and Anthony making out on the sofa, she
gets turned on. “Oh my god,” Lois whispers to herself, “That’s kind of hot.”
She covers the sight of Meg with a hand-drawn picture of herself to help her
visualize kissing Anthony. “Mmm, I bet you taste like Mountain Dew and
Starburst,” Lois fantasizes. Determined to find out, Lois begins seducing
Anthony, going so far as to give him a “welcome-to-the-family” present: Peter’s
work and poker game schedule. Lois adds, “My menstrual cycle is on there, too.
But I don’t mind if you don’t!” Eventually, Lois sends Meg on an errand to be
alone with Anthony and finally tells him outright:

LOIS: “Let's not play games. The other day you said I was
attractive. Now, what are we gonna do about it?”

ANTHONY: “Oh my God. Wow! This is so cool. I've never had
a MILF come on to me before. Can I kiss you?”

LOIS: “Let me ask you this: do my gray hairs bother you?”

ANTHONY: “What gray hairs?”

LOIS: “Kiss me!”

Lois jumps on Anthony as they kiss passionately. She rips
off her top.

Meg walks in on them.

LOIS: “Um…rape?”

Lois attempts to smooth things
over with Meg, but the scene manages to be even more unsettling than the
previous one. Lois and Meg start arguing over who Anthony desires more.

LOIS: “I do know a few things, Meg. And clearly, if I
wanted him, I could have him.”

MEG: “You really think you stand a chance? Look at you.
You're old! You're nothing! You couldn't even imagine the things I do for
him. And this isn't about making out. This is about power tools. Yeah, I go
to places you couldn't get back from. I'll do anything. You don't know me!”

Meg pulls out her own tooth to prove how crazy she is.

MEG: “He hangs me from the showers with your old bras. Then
we laugh at you! Now get out of my room!”

The conflict resolves itself
abruptly after Peter reaffirms his attraction for Lois. Peter, as one might
expect, doesn’t mind all that much that Lois almost committed statutory rape.

If only this episode could have
stopped there – but, no. Like a bout of salmonella, the emetic “humor” just
kept running its course.

The episode’s secondary
storyline involved Stewie dressing in drag to audition for his favorite
children’s show. Disguised as a little girl named Karina, he lands the part and
decides to play a prank on Brian, the family dog, who is drinking at a hotel
bar.

STEWIE: “I'm new in town and I'm awfully lonely. I'm
wondering if you wouldn't mind buying me a drink.”

BRIAN: “Well, that'd be my pleasure. Maybe I could show you
some of the local points of interest. There's one right below the table.”

STEWIE: “Oh, my. You're very bold.”

BRIAN: “Well, when you're life span is 13 years you gotta be
direct.”

STEWIE: “Lucky for you, I like bold men. Karina. Karina
Smirnov.”

BRIAN: “Brian. Brian Steele.”

He kisses her hand.

STEWIE: “Oh, good heavens!”

BRIAN: “Man, your accent is sexy.”

STEWIE: “Oh, this is all moving very quickly. I'm afraid
I'm a little light-headed. You must think I'm a fool.”

Stewie tells Brian that he's the new little girl on the
program Jolly Farm. When Brian threatens to tell Lois, Stewie forces him
to keep it a secret and insists that Brian becomes his on-set guardian.

STEWIE: “Brian, we both know I touched it. Now, if you'd
like to keep that just between us, I suggest you sit back down and order me some
chicken fingers.”

A dog molesting a little boy,
dressed as a little girl. Before anyone complains, the PTC does realize that
this is a cartoon. Talking dogs do not exist. Granted.

Yet, when a two-dimensional
baby deer lost its mother in a forest fire, we cried. When a computer-generated
robot character combed the planet alone, we sympathized with its loneliness.
And when a widower and young boy strapped balloons to a house, we cheered their
journey.

Cartoons aren’t real --but the
emotions they evoke are.

Seth MacFarlane wants to
provoke, and no subject matter is out of bounds in his quest to do that.

In this case, he chose incest
and molestation – frequent topics on his shows – as the means to his end. But
instead of laughs, he elicited disgust. Comedy is supposed to be gut-busting,
not gut-wrenching. And this episode would make any decent human being sick to
their stomach.

For strong sexual content,
Family Guy has been named Worst TV Show of the Week.

Parents Television Council,
www.parentstv.org, PTC,
Clean Up TV Now, Because our children are watching, The
nation's most influential advocacy organization, Protecting
children against sex, violence and profanity in
entertainment, Parents Television Council Seal of Approval,
and Family Guide to Prime Time Television
are trademarks of the Parents Television Council.