Because who doesn’t need help navigating their way through the family holiday dinner table. Here are some of Glenn Beck‘s Thanksgiving dinner conversation suggestions to implement while you are holding your family members “hostage over roasted turkey, stuffing, and cranberries.”

First off, don’t talk politics! (Good luck with that.) “Instead talk about principles and values” including “the price of milk” which could lead to asking the table whether they’d heard that “Ben Bernanke is saying we should be worried about deflation.” Pass the salt! (Or the fatty, fat, fat pie, as the case may be).