Daisy Mae's Alien Buffet

from , originally released 31st December, 1969

Daisy Mae’s peaceful, simple life in her little desert trailer park will never be the same. A full scale alien attack on earth has begun and Daisy becomes the unlikely heroine outta nowhere. Take hold of the steering wheel and help Daisy Mae shoot and blast her way to victory in this fun and quirk...

Do we really need another two-stick shooter? Like it or not, a new one has hit the App Store, in the form of Daisy Mae’s Alien Buffet. While we appreciate a rhyming title as much as anyone, let’s look at how the game itself holds up against other members of the genre, like Minigore, Guerilla Bob, and Meteor Blitz.

It has to be said: besides boob physics, this game adds nothing new to the genre. Daisy is a busty young woman, and her well-defined bosom bounces independently from the rest of her body. This is all well and good, but since there are some great two-stick shooters on the App Store already, we wish Daisy added some interesting gameplay ideas to the mix as well.

Like in Minigore, you’re dropped in a level with a gun that just happens to have unlimited ammo, and required to survive as long as possible before inevitably being torn apart by the endless horde of enemies. As you last longer, the swarm of enemies becomes bigger and more difficult to mow down. One thumb controls Daisy’s movement, while the other controls the direction of her fire. The user interface is big and blocks much of the action by default, but it can be toggled off.

You go, girl.

We’re glad to see that there’s no shortage of enemy types, and that they have unique attack styles. Unfortunately, many of them are small and have very little visual definition. We can unload rounds of ammo on bloodthirsty aliens all day, but it would be nice to know what we’re shooting at.

The enemies you meet early on just run at you, but if you survive long enough, you’ll encounter aliens that emit clouds of poisonous smoke or shoot projectiles at you. When you’re fending off a never-ending swarm of enemies as they run at you, getting shot at from a distance just feels unfair.

Enemies will occasionally drop special weapons that Daisy can pick up and use. Disappointingly, many of them are less useful than your default weapon. The minigun is a lot of fun to use, with its high firing rate, but the laser gun spews out shots slower than your default weapon and is more likely to get you killed as a result. The flamethrower should create a blazing inferno, but instead shoots a puff of fire with an extremely short range. Plus, special weapons have limited ammo, so when the battle heats up they won’t last long.

One more attack rounds out Daisy’s arsenal. To use it, you tap the “taunt meter,” which slowly fills up as you take down enemies. Except, it’s not really an attack. The camera zooms in and Daisy poses, and all enemies onscreen are vanquished. It’s useful, but it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

Fulfill your Flintsones fantasies.

With its desert setting and film grain camera filter, the developers of this game seem to be attempting a style similar to the movie Grindhouse. It works to an extent, but we wish they had done more to up the campiness factor. There’s no dialogue or storyline of any kind. Unlike John Gore, Daisy has no voice, so you never feel connected to your character. There’s only one map, so the game world feels very closed-in.

As far as extras go, an online leaderboard is built in, and you can unlock new outfits for Daisy by killing a certain number of enemies. The problem is that the game doesn’t tell you how many enemies it takes to unlock them, and it’s not clear whether you’re required to kill a certain number in one match, or if it’s the total across all the matches you’ve played.

Overall, Daisy Mae’s Alien Buffet doesn’t do enough to differentiate itself from the two-stick shooters that came before it. Worse, it lacks things that those other games have, like Minigore’s cinematic presentation and extra playable characters, or Guerilla Bob’s level progression. The only way we can recommend this game is if you’ve played those two games to death and want seconds.

Tired of boob-jiggle apps dominating the App Store? Apparently so was Apple, because royal decree has been sent down from Cupertino that Apple would be shaking out the proverbial rug to get rid of much of the NSFW content.

In an email to iBoobs developer John Atherton, Apple stated that they had received numerous comments from users who took offense to the overabundance of sexy apps flooding the marketplace, and as such have chosen to amend their policies and remove many of these apps.

Curiously, the Playboy app so far remains untouched, which leads us to the conclusion that Apple is willing to make exceptions for Apps that make them a ton of money.

The number of apps removed due to this new policy is estimated to be around 5,000, which as AppAdvice points out is about 3% of all apps total. It’s a huge number, to be sure, but given the sheer amount of porn apps that have been released, we can’t help but imagine that this is only the beginning of the culling.

In fact, even some relatively harmless games have been plucked from the App Store. Nude sliding puzzle apps being removed makes a lot of sense, but Daisy Mae’s Alien Buffet? It had elements not suitable for children, but we hardly thought it justified classification with the likes of iBoobs.

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