Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Along with the usual book talks and fancypants musical performances, the Center Stage at the Reston Community Center has apparently decided to do something a little more... let's go with "daring" for its 2010-11 season: an opera "about the one subject that unites us all -- Reston."

Yes, the picture above is really supposed to be what our earth-toned opera will look like. No, we're not sure what they're smoking:

A civic celebration, Reston: The Opera combines a heartfelt toast to our community, with a vaudvillian roast, interviews with local citizens, as well as art created by Reston students specifically for the show. Explore how Reston sees itself, as a whole and within its diverse communities, and discuss the broader issues of shared humanity and the need for self-definition.

And we thought it would just be a bunch of catchy musical numbers about replacement window requirements, with maybe a dancing cat or two to keep things lively. Which goes to show you we're not the kind of avant-garde thinkers needed to contribute to such a profound meditation of the human existence. But that won't stop us from trying!

ACT 1, SCENE 1(or whatever you call the opening part of an opera, like we would know)

The setting is the foyer/living room area of an earth-toned Reston condo, resplendent with a step-down conversation pit, royal purple shag carpeting, and metallic wallpaper.

Enter FRED, a lumpen Reston proletariat, holding a letter.

FRED (sings): Woe is me, woe is me, I just got a letter from the DRB.In that letter, it clearly states, I must repaint my back-yard gate.

Enter SUSIE, Fred's paramor, through the passthrough from the kitchen, where an avacado-green refrigerator can be seen.

SUSIE (sings): The garden gate?

FRED (repeats, in alto): The garden gate.

SUSIE: We just repainted the garden gate!

FRED: We just repainted the garden gate. But the DRB is quite irate,They said we used the wrong shade of paint,And now we must defenestrate.

SUSIE: Oh, the pain! Oh the chills!

FRED (walking over to comfort Susie): At least we have the Macaroni Grill.

They were intent on a star-crossed lovers' musical called South Lakes Story but some Broadway folk stepped in. Also, there was a plan to do a spoken-word tribute to those members of the community no longer with us entitled "Reston Peace."

SUSIE (sings):Dearest DRB-afflicted hubby, dear Fred,Can't you see Lake Anne is dead?It can't escape its destined fateAs the newest site for Section Eight.

BiCO makes a surprise appearance!

BiCO (sings):Turn Lake Anne into a high-density, pedestrian-friendly, environmentally-sensitive, young adult-attracting, transit-oriented development -Or I'll end up living in a tent.And that's the truth and not a rumor,You sprawl-loving NIMBY Baby Boomer!

Peasant (sings):No matter, buck or doe or baby fawn,All them damn deer are Satan's spawn.Kill them one, kill them all,And then my hostas can live 'til fall.

Fred, Susie, BiCO, Rod, and Peasant stand in formation and salute.(Sing in unison):

I'm a Reston Doodle Dandy,A Reston Doodle do or die;A real life nephew of my Uncle Simon,Born in an earth-tone diamond.I've just gotten a DRB violationFor my red mulch abomination.Reston Doodle came to Fairfax just to pay some more tax. I am the Reston Doodle Boy!

Sometime during the play Lila Gordon appears skipping and dragging an electric cord across a large puddle muttering something about electrical safety at the RCC pool and swinging the female end of it menacingly.She smiles and other people on stage smile an nod but everyone keeps their distance. While she's speaking great big clouds of smoke rise up from the pudle along with sparks as the theater burns down and firemen appear. Milton Mathews appears splendedly dressed in a Brooksbrother suit and reashures everyone as girders start falling.

PS -- the "Reston" magazine --- it was all friends and family (lefty libs that is):

Hudgins (rob the already taxed-to-death to house the "poor" six-figure-earning "workfource")

Leila (remember she's a DC resident, long-distance polluting commuter, WAY, WAY left of left by her own admissions! "BLEADING heart liberal" she loudly exclaims and she spends our money faster than it rolls in to STD 5 on all her friends bogus "charettes" and related "planning sessions" for the hideous-and still-failing-ever-faster Lake Anne mess)

Kenny ("how about them trashy trailers at Lake Anne Elementary School with the wiring by Pepco!!") Plum

Not a single REPUBLICAN among the lot -- but we surmise they were too busy overturning Don't ask don't tell --- but, of course, it takes a Republican to overturn the Democrat's failed discriminatory policy!