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Sunday, October 14, 2007

Harder better faster stronger

First- to anonymous commenter (can't you guys just pick a name, even a fake one? It'd make it easier on me. I don't really care, call yourself Richard The Pianist, just pick one & stick with it), I have not found religion, but more importantly, I cannot, I will not, I do not, listen to Christian Rock. (Sam I am, green eggs and ham.)

I guess I really liked U2 in high school. (Fuck, it was the mid-to late 80's. Your choices were Bruce Springsteen, who I cannot stand, U2, Madonna and Wham. I chose U2 when it appeared there was no New Led Zeppelin on the horizon, waiting to mneet my rocking needs. That wouldn't happen until Nevermind in 1991. Nevertheless, Bono is now a fat little guy who shakes hands with world leaders to help poverty relief.

Jesus, dude. Lose the shades, ten pounds, get over yourself, turn the Edge loose and play something other than a heartfelt, inspirational ballad for one-legged cancer survivors in Darfur.

Like some rock.

-The following is an excerpt from an email I sent my mom, dad & sisters regarding trying to get together this year. I suggest a cruise.~

I don't even really care where, even if it is lake michigan. I just want to eat like Britney Spears, dine with senior citizens in huge, black sunglasses and soak in all the glitz, glamour and class of the cruise experience. And this time, I would like to dine at the captain's table, and if so, I promise to dress with a nautical-themed blazer, a Captaiin Stubig hat and my eyepatch.

P.S. Mom- from Stanette- Can you feel it? Here is one for you. Stanette went out into the backyard and slipped on her garden clogs. She felt what she thought was a leaf. Then it moved. She thought she was freaking herself out and that it was probably nothing. But then it moved again. She realized her foot was not alone in the clog, and there was definitely something between her big toe and her middle toe.

Mom- remember those huge spiders?

Yup.

It didn't bite her or anything, and she took off her shoe, looked in it, screamed, loudly, dropped the shoe and then I came out, picked up the shoe, looked in it, screamed, loudly and dropped the shoe.

There was (and still is, probably- we haven't touched it) a spider in there that was as big as my thumb.