Re: Reading your Therapist's signals » cricket

> > I'm not sure why it's so important for me to try and figure out what he's feeling. I guess it's an old abandonment instinct. Figure out what makes the caregiver happy and you won't be abandoned.

Wow. I really do understand. In fact, I think that is probably the root problem I have with standing up to "authority figures" that I was just discussing on Social. I think I need to substitute "caregivers" for "authority figures" and that makes it really easy for me to understand, given my intense fears of abandonment.> > Of course at the same time, I am always pushing my therapist away, shutting down, etc. So it's very complicated. Most of the time I am very much in the "Nyah, nyah, I don't need you" sticking my tongue out incredible brat mode. Now the question is - is he an equally good reader of signals so that he knows that I really mean "but oh yes, I do need you and I think it is going to kill me and I can't stand another minute of it and why don't you just throw me out now because you are going to do it eventually anyway." > > Unfortunately we've never discussed any of this and I can't even imagine a conversation like you have with your therapist. So I guess I am not as far along as you are or maybe my therapist just isn't as wonderful as yours sounds.

I think you'd be surprised if you brought your post in and handed it to him. A lot of therapists are good at seeing through the surface to the underlying feelings. Mine wasn't. Until I told him those things explicitly, he was at a total loss to understand why I kept coming in when I so obviously wasn't getting anything from the experience. Therapy improved *a lot* when I told him how I really felt. It was scary, but with a good therapist the risk is really worth taking.