A Guide to Let Go of Your Perfectly Good Things

Finding our lives under everything we own is more than clearing away just junk. Often it requires removing good quality things. Expensive things. Useful things. Admired things. Fancy things. It means letting go of perfectly good stuff in order to pursue something more meaningful.

I began de-owning my excess six years ago. My husband deployed frequently and we had two children under five. I was spending more time doing something with our stuff than doing something with my family.

With my husband half-way across the world, the kids and I had to pack up to move again. It was our third move in six years, but this one was just down the street. How difficult could that be?

Well, the process of personally packing, unpacking, and organizing all of our stuff drained the joy right out of me—for two months. I wanted to take my kids to the beach, play at the park, and listen to their laughter. But I was exhausted, and stressed. Busy taking care of all our stuff.

It was in that stress, exhaustion, and desire to live better that I had an ‘ah-ha’ moment. I began to see the real cost of our stuff— and it was way overpriced!

I started peeling away the layers of excess. And I was on a roll—until I hit that layer of perfectly good things! Valuable things that people spent much time and life to purchase. I felt wasteful and sick at the thought of giving it away. This was good stuff— wasn’t it? Maybe so. But I was learning, “The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” —Henry Thoreau

It is possible to break through the layer of perfectly good things. Through the process, I learned these practical steps:

1. Accept the mistake. Often, we will see many mistakes as we start to purge all the ‘good stuff.’ Acknowledge it was a mistake so you can move on. Keeping something that does not add value to your life keeps you stuck holding on to the mistake.

2. Shift your perspective. As I journey further into minimalism, I realized there is far more joy in giving things away than can ever be found in owning more.

3. Designate a spot. In the beginning, I would walk through my house and see things I thought I wanted to donate but they stayed put until I set up a spot to start putting it all. Set up a box, closet or room to place your donation items. Remove them from your house often.

5. Experiment. Experimentation by elimination has helped me shed the layers of good stuff quicker. I simplified my beauty and bath routine by removing 60-80% of my products. Much to my surprise, many things I kept had no real value to my day.

6. Keep your eye on your why. In times of discouragement, make a choice to focus on why you are giving perfectly good things away. Remember, you’re giving up the good for the best.

7. Ask yourself better questions.

Does it serve its purpose—to serve my purpose?
We’re often not consciously thinking about our motives when we keep things, but everything has a cost. How much are you willing to sacrifice your passion and purpose for possessions? Some of our things serve a purpose. The important things give our lives meaning and joy. The useless ones just drain our time.

Can this be useful to someone else?
When we hold on to good things we do not need, we keep them from being helpful to others. I used to think it would be wasteful just to give things away that were barely used or not used at all—especially if they weren’t cheap. But then I thought, what if I just own my mistake in buying this thing by giving it away.

Would I leave this as someone else’s’ responsibility?
With my spouse deployed in harm’s way, I was expected to plan. I filled out the spouse deployment form—pages filled with detailed questions and answers should my husband be killed. Experiences like these gave me more prudence. What will the state of my stuff look like when I’m no longer here? Do I enjoy this enough to leave if for someone to take care of—because it will be my family taking care of it someday?

How do you want to live your life?
Own too much, and you’ll live a life owned by your stuff. Say yes when you should say no and you’ll live a life organized by others. Keep more than you need, and you’ll give less to those in need.

I’ve often wondered if I would have journeyed into minimalism had we not experienced the active duty military life. If we hadn’t moved so often and been stretched in stress, would I have kept it all put-away—like organized hoarding happily?

Nonetheless, I’m grateful for the experiences which brought me to the path to living more intentionally with a lot less.

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Zoë Kim blogs at Raising Simple where she inspires others to live an intentional life by owning less, creating new habits, and cultivating opportunities to give. And be sure to check out her on Facebook.

About Joshua Becker

Writer. Inspiring others to live more by owning less.WSJ Bestselling author of The More of Less.

Comments

Great points. Though, I was more able to relate the point ‘shift of perception’ Switch in thoughts can actually make you come out of your emotions and attachment. It is said, when you have decided for the change – work on it – before you again make a change .

I’ve spent the new year getting rid of clutter from my home. Perfectly good things were donated…and I’m still on a roll! I’m doing the visible stuff first, then I will go through each drawer, closet, etc. I thought it would be hard to get rid of sentimental items that were weighing me down—but once I let go of the stuff, it was a brand new lease on life :)

You are “reading my mail” Judy! I have done exactly the same thing, with determination, persistence and a thoughtful, decisive attitude! The transformation in my home and mindset has been wondrous and deeply appreciated! It is a new lease on life indeed!

Judy, etc: I encourage retirees especially to downsize, purge and any household items not being used (kitchen, linens, blankets, even furniture) that family or friends don’t want, donate to local group homes, foster parents, church missions, and sometimes low income senior housing or rescue missiom (clothing). This is ongoing for folks who wants less clutter. I have some cooler weather jackets which I will send to a church mission in a cooler climate. We haven’t had real winters in several years in the S.E. Older throw rugs and towels sent to animal shelters. Sell the good stuff or re-gift. Hubby retired ’81 after 20 yrs in Army, we never had much because we had to move around, bought used furniture or apt was furnished.

Cheryl, you are so right. Nothing makes you take assessment of your own things like cleaning out an apartment or house of someone else’s things after they’ve died. My mother died 5 years ago this July. It took a few weeks to go through her things. We donated a lot of stuff to ministry efforts (her work clothing to an organization that helps women find jobs, some of her furniture and household items to an organization that furnishes apartments and homes for people & veterans getting back on their feet, her piano music to a music minister in India who is teaching others the joy of music). BUT, I kept so many things because they had such memories attached to them. But they’ve been boxed up for 5 years. I am now going through them and donating so many things so that others can enjoy them and use them. It isn’t easy, but I just came up with the phrase: “The weightlessness of joy is such a better feeling than the weightiness of “stuff”. I’m choosing joy.”

I am currently going through a divorce. I am the one leaving the house.and I am going through things asking myself if it’s really going to be useful. I will be living with 2 other roommates, so space is limited. It actually feels good not to take everything with me. Starting over is freeing!

Great topic! I previously organized a donation for baby supplies. Honest to goodness people gave us trash. Broken, stained items that were unusable. It opened my eyes to how much good stuff is needed and made it so much easier to give things away.

Getting rid of excess stuff became not only easier, but actually a joy, when I began volunteering at a local food pantry/”thrift shop” where all donations are given free to the poor and needy. What a blessing to actuall see my hardly worn/used items being taken home by a family in need. It’s truly a double blessing.

Hi, Linda, my feeling precisely! Reminds me of Joshua’s quote…”There is more joy to be found in owning less than can ever be found in owning more.” Because chances are, when we consume less, we can give more.

Getting rid of excess stuff became not only easier, but actually a joy, when I began volunteering at a local food pantry/”thrift shop” where all donations are given free to the poor and needy. What a blessing to actuall see my hardly worn/used items being taken home by a family in need. It’s truly a double blessing.

Any suggestions on how to easily sell your stuff as you go along for the new things? I would like to do an approach of giving away the gently used items and selling the newer items but we have many so that can become Clutter itself yet I’m having trouble thinking about all the quick cash we could make.

I’ve had a lot of luck selling items on local Facebook pages in my city. Just type in your city name and add the words Online yard sale or online garage sale. I’ve been downsizing and sold a beautiful Curio Cabinet last year for $600. At the same time I also had listed a gorgeous Grandfather Clock for $1,800. I wasn’t getting any offers so I contacted the lady that had bought my Curio Cabinet and asked if she was interested in it. She said she was but didn’t have the extra money. So I let her mail me payments since last August, She’ll be sending me her last payment this month and then arrange to come pick it up. The lady said she’d always wanted a Grandfather Clock and that I made her dream come true. It feels good to have made someone so happy. It’s also a great feeling that I won’t have to move these two BIG items to TX when I retire next year! I also sold a set of snow tires. Many other small items I kept in my car and would meet people around town that was convenient for both us and exchange my items for cash only. I usually meet people in Walmart or a grocery store parking lot in a very visible area. I always try to sell the good items I know I can get fast cash for. I’ve found that having a garage sale isn’t worth my time anymore. I’ve made many donations all over town for the clutter and clothes that I could care less about. Just a tip: Always have someone at home with you if selling an item out of your home. If possible have the item already outside covered with a tarp so you don’t let a stranger in your home. It’s just not safe anymore to take chances…..Good luck to you! It does feel great to downsize in preparation for our retirement. I’ve been doing it for 8 years now and will have very little to move! Yippee! :)

Hi, Beth. Thank you, for reading and asking a great question.
I took that approach when I started out as well. It is easy to get stuck hanging onto ‘the plan to sell’ stuff. So…
I set up guidelines for myself so selling the items didn’t drain every day of the week and halt my goal to simplify. Once I made the decision to purge/sell something, I removed it and put it in my designated spot (closet, garage, a corner in a room). Removing it gave me immediate results and helped further the process to let it go. I started with the big stuff, taking one day a month to post for sale. (craigslist & local FB sale page) For the smaller items, I wanted to sell I put them away in a closet, posted them for sale and made the decision to donate them after three weeks if they hadn’t sold.

If the volume of stuff you have is large, it can be helpful to do this for one room at a time.

I’m not sure if I really answered your question, but having that system helped me.

I am doing a small addition to my house (2nd bathroom and enlarging the kitchen & back bedroom as part of a foundation fix) and just spent the weekend doing the final pack and move out of the back of the house (kitchen, laundry and back bedroom). I couldn’t sleep last night thinking about how I get to do it all again at least 3 more times – move back in before I list the house for sale, move out after the sale and then put in storage while I try out a new part of the country before making a final move. I thought about how much easier it would be if I just gave away everything that was easily replaceable . . .

Think you have answered your own question Donna. If you do it now, you wont have to do it later and you wont spend as much money, if any, on storage. Also, the additional space will look lovely and airy if you don’t have too much stuff in them and I bet the house will sell more quickly. And think of the time you will save!

Great post, Zoë. I love the good to best approach, which can be applied to many things in life. This has inspired me to really take a hard look again at what I own and see if everything is serving me as the “best” and not just good enough. I feel like you did, exhausted by spending so much time with my stuff, moving and cleaning and caring for.

I am, slowly, working through my items. We are a newly retired military family in our forever home. There so many boxes that had been in storage, for years…outgrown kids clothes, paperwork books, souvenirs, photos, baby toys, etc… It has been hard, so many memories attached to those items. Thanks for letting me vent.

We are at the same time in our lives. It is difficult. I framed a few “memories” to hang on my walls. I put a few toys on a shelf- one for each of our three grown up children. That is all. We just can’t keep everything. We don’t want to burden our “children” with old, stuff, if something were to happen to my husband and I. You will be happy you did it.

Great article. I have a difficult time getting rid of the “good stuff”, but this has helped me take another look at it. I really like the idea of looking at my possessions as being helpful to others, especially the stuff I don’t need. Thank you!

I just returned from spending a week with my sister-in-law with the goal of helping her clear out and organize her sewing room and attic. We also took time to enjoy restaurants, friends, the birds, exercise and, of course, conversation with each other! But each and every day, we spent hours sorting, labeling, donating so much STUFF. Since I was not emotionally connected it was easier for me, but she did a great job of staying on task and occasionally letting me know that she’d had enough for that day. It was wonderful and she was so appreciative! We’ll both remember that time with happiness, I think. :)

I am a home care physical therapist. My days are spent stepping around clutter in broken down homes where the owner moves perilously close to falling over piles of stuff. No one plans for their health to suddenly decline. It can happen in an instance. A car accident, heart attack, stroke large or small.. Now you can’t clean. Or sort. Or sell. You’re fighting with your family who wants to help clear pathways but you want to do it yourself. You need to touch and decide on every item. So it sits around you. Potentially for the rest of your life.
Today is the day. Don’t wait to clean out the garage next summer. Don’t clear your junk room next week. Cause life is unpredictable. And it is a cruel task to leave to your family. They will not be thinking nice thoughts of you as it takes weeks and months to clear out the stuff that you just couldn’t make a decision on. Or part with. That might be your legacy.
Today is the day.

I feel like this is where my MIL will end up in a few more years. She has problems with her knees so she already has limited mobility and difficulty getting through all her stuff. Her house is just piled with things on every surface and all over the floor. She lives in a different state so we are only able to visit a couple times a year and can only help so much. Every time we see her she says how she is planning to do this and that to clean up but the house always looks the same when we visit next. She just isn’t able to keep up with it physically anymore. She has several sheds and trailers on the property also filled with stuff. I wish we could go stay for a few months and clean it all out, or hire someone to go clean up for her. I have no idea what we will do if she leaves it like that when she either passes away or needs to move because her health declines.

i wholeheartedly agree. i had a stroke on sep 14 and have been playing catch-up ever since. i know i am lucky to be alive, but i sure wish i would have taken care of this when i had two hands and two legs that worked 100%.

A dear friend directed me to your article. She knew I have been doing serious de-cluttering or “clutter-busting” since early January ’17. This process has been a huge gift! Without sounding too zany I have “got my life back.” My home is a more peaceful, much more organized place. I have yet to finish the process but the transformation to date has been remarkable! This is sheer fun once you get momentum going! You are 100% right about a “staging area” for items on the way out. I don’t know how many times I inwardly said “YES!” as I read your valuable article. I have gained a deeper appreciation for what has happened from reading your masterfully composed offering! THANK YOU!

Hi, Russell!
So wonderful to hear you ‘got your life back’! It is a joy to read and see all the transformations, so thank you for sharing!
Thank you for your kind words. I’m very happy you found this article helpful!

Hi Zoe. Thanks for your insightful post. As for me, I look at an object and look at the space that it is occupying. Then, I think about other people who could use the object more than me. Then I detach and muster the courage to give it away. This clears up space in myself so that I can focus on what is more important.

First I read the book. The Life- Changing Magic Of Tidying Up. Life changing is an understatement. It teaches you how to look at your stuff. I donated 20 bags of clothes and boxes of house items. Wonderful feeling

Over the last few weekends I’ve been helping my Mum declutter her stuff. We got rid of hundreds of things from her kitchen,nearly 100 from her closet and 50 or so from her linen cupboard. This was nearly all perfectly good stuff. I was hard for her to let go of all this “useful” stuff, but she soon realised that most of it was just getting in the way and therefore useless. She’s got the bug now!

I appreciate all your tips! But tell me – how can I part with things that belonged to my parents, my grandparents, and even my great-grandparents? It doesn’t feel right to give these things away, yet my daughters will only want a small portion of the considerable number of heirlooms I’ve inherited. Thanks.

Hi Susan, If you have lots of items from relatives you don’t need to keep all of them, just the things that suit your lifestyle (either because they are useful or beautiful). Then ask your daughters what they would like. Then take photos of everything else before you sell or donate them. We know that the memories are not ‘in’ the things, but the things usually trigger specific memories, so photos of items will help you remember special times just as well as the actual items would.
Of my grandmothers possessions I kept a wooden writing box (which I don’t really use regularly and could probably go!) and a silver ring that I wear every day – and think of her whenever I look at it. Good luck!

I understand the difficulty with getting rid of family heirlooms. I am the family historian, it seems, and am grateful for the many artifacts and documents that I have. But, there comes a time when it’s just too much to take care of. With the technology we have today, this job becomes easier. Take photos (sometimes several of an item) and make good scans of documents – front and back. Then, you can share the photos and files with other family members who might be interested — and you likely will find family members who would like an item or two for themselves. If there are no interested family, contact your local library or historical society or genealogy society about their interest. Genealogy is one of the most popular hobbies today and there are many places that would LOVE to have some of your treasures.

I second taking photos. I’ve had a hard time with things from my parents, as they both died young. I’ve taken photos of everything I’ve let go, with the plan to make a scrapbook with the stories and photos.

In the meantime, I’ve been surprised at how little I want to look at the photos. It’s been eye opening. Taking the photos helped shift the energy so I could let go of the items. I feel so much lighter, and still have the memories.

I don’t suggest people start off parting with their parent’s stuff most cherished. But for the items kept just because they were your parents/grandparents, here’s my personal thought process…

I’d ask myself questions.

1. What part about giving their stuff away doesn’t feel right? Is it that they worked hard for it? They spent their money and life/time for it? Or they loved it?

Maybe it’s all of those reasons or something else altogether. Regardless, even if all their stuff served them well, for your life to move forward (fulfilling our passion and purpose), it needs to serve you well too. If it doesn’t, the very purpose it was created for is lost.

My grandparents (whom I was very close to) gave me many of their things during their last years. (This was before minimalism in my life).

My great-grandparents came here (with nothing) from Italy and my husband’s parents came here from South Korea (with very little). By the later years of their life, both acquired a full house of good stuff. Over the last six years, I have donated many of their things (furniture & decor) while keeping a few special items that meant the most (to me).

In that process, I discovered that a life and legacy built around possessions will be always be lost. True connections are made between people, not stuff. When I let go of their stuff, I didn’t loose them or dishonor them. I’ve honored them better by sharing the love, lessons, generosity, wisdom and talents they helped cultivate in my own life.

3. Would my grandparents want me to keep their stuff understanding the burden it was to me? How much time it took caring for it instead of caring for my children, my husband and myself?

My conclusion, no, they would not want me to keep it.

As a parent to four, my joy is found in seeing my children live joyful, healthy and purposeful lives. If the care of my stuff inhibits them from doing that, then the joy is lost.

You can also take photos as others mentioned. Or remove the item from sight if possible. This helped me see that my life was just as rich (without my grandparents hutch in the dining room).

Susan, I’m in the same boat…became the “keeper” of the family heirlooms – pics, furniture, paintings, books, quilts and childhood momentos of 8 relatives. No one else is interested and don’t think my kids care. It’s so hard knowing people leave earth and are easily dismissed from the busy minds of the living. Hubby says to take pictures of everything and then take it to donate. He can do minimalism…I have an emotional block. Not as bad as the hoarders show , lol.

Dear Zoe, I have been reading about and trying to practice the art of paring down for years. I am the Pare Down coach for my friends and family!
Recently I’ve been preparing for a mid-March speaking gig to share about this with a group of older women. I’ve read dozens of things and was having a hard time organizing a presentation based on so many concepts/parts. Your article here is very well-organized and well-written. I may just use it as my outline and share it! Thanks for your work toward this end. May your joy be complete and overflowing as you continue to encourage others.

What a great article! Just like the “just in case” items, the “perfectly good things” are just as invasive. I have culled out lots of clothing from my closet, but I still have twice as much clothing as I need. Why? Because the items of clothing that remain in my closet are perfectly good items! They are hard to part with because I still wear them. I just have too much of a good thing. I now want someone else to enjoy my “perfectly good items.”

Your point about how our useless items will one day become someone else’s’ responsibility is eye-opening. I had to go through that with my siblings as we cleaned my mother’s house. The job itself was hard, but made more so because of the glut of possessions.
One suggestion I have regarding your comment on donating books to a school or library (having worked at both): please call first and make sure they’ll take them. They often will if you show up with the books, just to be nice, but it might cause more work for them. The places I worked always accepted them, but most of the time one of us had to take them to a thrift store or a charity that ran a used book store.

Hi Zoe! I had the same realization (better for best) due to travel. My husband and I spend a month at a time in other countries twice a year. We travel with a carry on and 1 week’s worth of clothes purely for convenience. We have realized we always take our “best” for quality and comfort. We are always amazed at how satisfied we are with so little for so long. It really makes daily life so much easier and allows us to enjoy our experiences instead of thinking about our stuff. We have incorporated this idea at home now too, giving up better for best. Thank you for your article!

Zoe,
Thank you so much for your wonderful article. So much wisdom!!! I am still in the beginning stage of getting rid of the excess, and already enjoy the fact that I have empty drawers in my house!!! However, I have to delay the real work until I finish my Bachelor’s Degree (first things, first… 1 month to go). I can hardly wait until I really have the time to devote to a full purge.

I will be 60 this year, and want the remainder of my life to be about people; and not about taking care of stuff. I am no longer am willing to spend my weekends cleaning house… I want to be with friends and family. I want to have time to go places, do things, and also to just do nothing!

And when my children have the task of going through my possessions when I’m gone, I want their burden to be as light as possible. This becomes more and more important to me as I get older.

This is an article I know that I will come back to again and again to absorb the words and ideas into my soul.

This lifestyle we call ourselves “Living lean and clean”…There is always room for improvement. The ideas in this e-mail have been helpful as I am going for the ‘Hotel Look’ in my house. Thanks so much for all your tips and advice.

Oh my goodness!
We moved 2009 – 30 yr residence & 3 businesses & I’ve been sorting downsizing then an interruption moved us across country & I went between both residences. I’ve worked 6am to midnight overwhelmed. Feeling like a failure, have given away lots but have been trying to figure out what to sell, etc.

I’m amazed at your clarity, focus, but knowing you’re a Military family & chosen what is excellence makes me know I can do better, my best!

I hope you don’t feel like a failure. . . the items you give away, or put to a donation center may be of incredible value to those who receive them. My family is so blessed by the perfectly useful things people have given us when they moved/down-sized, as well as many used items I’ve purchased over the years. Keep up the good work!

Giving useful items to others who need them more than you, is a wonderful thing. We had no furniture when we bought our small house. Family friends who were down-sizing, gave us most of their collection. What a gift – it’s not perfectly to my taste, but it saved us so much money. When my brother and his wife got married, we re-gifted one of the bedroom sets to them for their new house (it was too large for the room it was in our house). I still remember my husband’s satisfaction when he reported, “Cynthia said ‘now I have a dresser to put my clothes in, instead of boxes!'”.

It’s harder to do this with items that retain value associated with who you believe you are. I finally gave away a tea set to a tea lover a year ago. I was given three sets at my wedding – all of them beautiful: silver from my parents (US), gzhel from my old teacher (Russia), and a set from china from my old roommate. But the beloved afternoon tea ritual my mother enjoyed, never has been a part of my life. I haven’t used any of these tea sets over our 10+ years of marriage. I finally had to admit, that as wonderful as my mother’s ritual is to this day, it’s not one that I’m likely to include in my life. So the question is do I give away one or both of the remaining sets? I’ll figure that out this year, most likely.

I bought a fairly expensive piece of art at a gallery and it sat around all wrapped up for months before I decided to put it up. When I took it out of the wrappings, I realized it was all wrong for my house. I was kind of devastated I’d made that mistake until I had the great idea to donate it for use in a local charity’s silent auction. I get a tax write-off and they get a nice piece of art that will bring them a good amount of money. Win-win!

Even though I am new to this FB page of minimalism, I am not new to the topic. For the better part of the the last 9 years (after inheriting family mementos and memories), I have been trying to figure out why I have the roadblocks to having less stuff and not being successful at living in peace and contentment. Recently, I discovered that the reason I like to watch the Hoarder show is because it verifies that I am not a hoarder, but indeed I am an organized collector. In reality, it’s all still too much stuff and I can see how it stops me from living the life I want. Now I just have to figure out what that “life” looks like for me. We are retired and our kids and grandkids live out of state. So sometimes I see where the ‘stuff’ takes the place of their company, that I miss so much.

I think sometimes for me an example of what perfectly good, useful, expensive items you got rid of and how you made that decision. For instance for me books is an easy thing to get rid of “will I really read it again? will I loan it out? will I want my kids/spouse/sister to read it someday? is it worth the shelf space in lieu of 20 other books I have on my wishlist?” but what about other items? The clothes that you only wear when you have dirty yard work to do or painting/reno projects, but you live in an apartment so those opportunities happen once or twice a year, or the hiking boots that you desperately need when you are hiking but you live in coastal Virginia so you plan a trip once or twice a year to a location that requires the use of hiking boots. My biggest hang ups are always those items that you will use eventually, but how long do you wait for eventually to happen? (too many sticky note pads, or an abundance of sharpies) sometimes I think examples help to jump into action. The stuff I don’t want/need is the easy part!

Moving frequently was also my impetus to reduce my belongings. The first time we moved across the country, we took EVERYTHING. It was expensive and totally unnecessary. The second time we moved (again across the country), we packed everything our family of 5 owned into our van and an 8′ X 10′ trailer.

We are planning on moving (across the country) again. This time, as a family of 4, we can only bring with us the items that will fit comfortably into a 24-26′ long 5th wheel. Which will be our home for at least a year.

We will definitely need to get rid of many perfectly good stuff!

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