Step-by-step HOWTO for constructing a stylish shoulder-bag out of floppies -- this is pretty much the perfect HOWTO project: it begins with dumpster-diving, and was inspired by a desire to make a suit of plate-mail armor out of obsolete magnetic storage media.

Brother Michael's hortatory letters from his deathbed, a gold locket containing a spray of Aunt Imelda's un tameable mop of white hair, a folder of personal correspondence including Lord Brinkley's letter to me and his Christmas cards, and the sturdy cloth shoulder-bag that had carried home the ingredients for my coq au vin.

"Then you've come to the right place, mate," he replied, and with elaborate courtesy took possession of my rucksack while the second boy helped himself to my shoulder-bag, thereby leaving me unencumbered.

At Hannah's bidding, I fly downstairs barefoot and beg Mr. Hakim to get us one of his mini cabs When I return, I find her standing at the rickety wardrobe, holding my shoulder-bag which has evidently slipped from its hiding place in the rush but not, thank Heaven, my precious copy of J'Accuse!