Derek: Heard you haven't used your free phone
call. Anybody you want to reach out and touch?

Ethan: Unless they got a piece of my family DNA,
they can all run and take a flying leap, mate.

[Knock on door]

Maria: Hey, Zach, I didn't know if you'd heard
about -- what are you doing? Zach, why -- why do you do this to yourself? You're
living here with all these memories around you. It's like you're living in the
past. It's almost like you're waiting for Michael to come back.

Zach: He did.

Tad: Hey.

Liza: Hey.

Tad: Were you followed?

Liza: I don't think so.

Tad: Good. Come on in.

Liza: We good to go?

Tad: Pretty much. Between all my contacts and
Aidan's, we were able to get you everything you need for a complete life
makeover -- most importantly, in a place where, chances are, Adam is never going
to find you.

Liza: You suppose there is a place like that,
Toto?

Tad: X marks the spot.

Liza: I'm starting a new life in a place named
after a moose?

Tad: Uh-huh. And your name is officially Ramona
Beazley. But -- but the good news is you now own an 800-watt radio station. Got
you everything. We got your driver's license, we got you social security, and --
oh, I love this -- this is my piece de resistance, a high school yearbook.

Liza: What?

Tad: Yeah, turns out you were pretty popular. You
were the captain of the Pom and Cheer, you were a member of the Debating
Society, the Spanish Club, and unanimously voted by your senior class to be the
woman most missed if you ever disappeared.

Liza: You know, I noticed on this driver's
license that it's your birthday.

Tad: Yeah. I thought it would make it easier to
remember.

Liza: Well, I don't know what to say. Thank you.

Tad: You know, this is hard enough as it is.
Maybe you should just get going.

Tad: Liza?

Liza: Oh.

Tad: You're going to need this.

Liza: Help me.

Bianca: Jamie, what's wrong? What did you find
out about Babe? Did you find out why she said "her son"?

Jamie: I found something in a chapel near the
river in the woods.

Bianca: And what is it?

Jamie: Plans for a stained glass window for a
child that died. It's Babe's window.

J.R.: Dad. Thank God you're alive!

Adam: Barely.

Krystal: Well, welcome home, Adam. Whoo! Whatever
that smell is, you might want to have Winnie take you out and hose you down.

Adam: I have some business with Dr. Hayward
first.

Babe: Oh, no, no, you stay away from my dad, both
of you.

David: All right, it's all right, Babe. I can
handle the father-son tag team, especially the way these two telegraph their
punches. They should send them stamped "Pony Express." Oh!

Bianca: How could Babe keep something so huge a
secret?

Jamie: I can't even begin to go there.

Bianca: It's -- that's unbelievable. I -- she
never said a word. She never even gave a hint, nothing.

Jamie: I know.

Bianca: Most people would want to take some of
the glory, you know, take the credit -- "look what I did," make it all about
them. But not Babe. She is beyond incredible.

Jamie: Bianca, I don't think you're getting this.

Bianca: Yeah, I am getting this. Babe has created
a memorial for Miranda, by the river where my little girl was lost. A tribute in
stained glass so that -- so that Miranda will always be remembered. She's
created a home for my -- my baby in a house built on faith.

Jamie: Bianca, are you sure that's why Babe did
it?

Bianca: Well, yeah. Why else would she do it?

Jamie: I don't know.

Bianca: It's actually so like Babe. I mean, her
life with J.R. is a total drama, and then she finds it in her heart to do
something so completely unselfish.

Jamie: But then why not tell you about it?

Bianca: Well, probably because she wanted it to
be a surprise. Don't tell her that we know, ok? That would ruin it.

Jamie: Hey. How do you do it?

Bianca: How do I do what?

Jamie: Find the best in people?

Bianca: Jamie, Babe makes it easy.

Jamie: Are you sure Babe really loves you this
much?

Bianca: Yes, I'm sure. Jamie, why would you even
ask me a question like that?

Adam: I've been dreaming about that punch ever
since I was uncrated in Mongolia.

Krystal: Mongolia. Yeah, right.

Adam: Oh, didn't Dr. Blackheart share my
itinerary with you?

Krystal: No, he didn't, not a peep. We thought
you were off on one of your famous trips somewhere out yonder.

Babe: Yeah, ripping hooks out of tiny, innocent
little fish.

David: Yeah, well, wherever you were, it did
wonders for your right cross.

Adam: It started the night -- the last night of
Slaterís party at the casino. Dr. -- Dr. Death over here slapped me on the back
with some kind of stun gun. The next thing I knew, I woke up in a crate in the
belly of a cargo plane.

Krystal: Well, that's one way to rack up your
frequent flyer miles.

Adam: 24 hours later, I was uncrated on a dock in
Mongolia.

David: Hey! Just in time for the monsoon.

J.R.: How'd you get out?

Adam: Well, with no passport, no papers, and no
one to speak English, it wasn't easy, but I finally traded my wristwatch for a
seat on a yak train.

Babe: What? A yak pack. It sounds really cool.

Adam: Then we took a 1,500-mile hard ride to
Tibet.

David: Wow. Shangri-La, the land of
enlightenment.

Krystal: Oh, yeah, can you just picture Adam
trading stock tips with the Dalai Lama? There's a portrait no artist could
paint.

Adam: This came from the yak that dumped me off
the trail. The Chinese picked me up. They arrested me, threw me under armed
guard back to Beijing, where I was to be tried as an enemy spy.

David: Oh. Huh. Hallucinogenic effects from
inhaling too much yak dander. Look, Adam, the last time I saw you, you were in
the gazebo. You were complaining of dizziness, so I went to fetch you a glass of
water. When I came back, you had already gone. So I take no responsibility for
your impromptu vacation.

Krystal: You know, I wouldn't put it past Adam
for shipping himself off so nobody would notice that he plugged Ryan Lavery.

Adam: Lavery was shot? Is he dead?

David: Sorry, Adam. The patient lived.

Babe: Wait, wait, back to the story here. So I
still want to know how you escaped from China.

David: Yes, Adam, pray tell.

Adam: I finally got in touch with an idiot at the
America consulate. He thought I was a spy, too. He kept winking at me and
muttering under his breath something about keeping the company secrets.

David: You know something? Now that he mentions
it, he does kind of look like a mole, don't you think?

Krystal: Mm-hmm. Too bad they can't keep that
mole under ground.

Babe: Yeah, or have him removed.

David: That's a good one, Babe.

Adam: Forgive me for not seeing the humor in all
this, but you go on. You go on laughing while you still can.

David: I guess we're just having a yak attack.

Liza: Tad, help me. Tell me that I'm doing the
right thing, taking Colby out of her life and just disappearing like this. It
seems so final, so drastic.

Tad: Well, Adam's the kind of man that drives
people to drastic.

Liza: I'm taking Colby out of her father's life.
I mean, I'm making a decision for her that, until she's old enough, she can't
make for herself. Do I have the right to do that?

Tad: Liza, if you saw Colby playing in traffic,
would you stop and ask somebody's advice before you pulled her out of the path
of an oncoming car?

Liza: No, I wouldn't. But that --

Tad: You'd use your gut. That's what you got to
do here. Because in the end, you're the only person with a vote. And if you want
my opinion, ok, fine, here it is. I spent too many years watching Adam run and
ruin his children's lives. Hayley, Skye -- they were both daddy's little girl,
the apple of his eye. Only problem was things got a little hairy when they began
to grow up and had different ideas than daddy. I can't tell you how badly J.R.
broke my heart. I mean, I cheered when he took off on that ship and when he came
home. He was married. He was his own man. Now look a him. I look in his eyes, I
try to find Dixie. She's not there. Neither is he. The only thing that's left is
Adam. Look, if you do decide to stay, then Marian and I and Stuart will do
everything we can to watch out for Colby. But it's when you're not watching that
you have to be careful. Like I said, in the end, this is your call.

Ethan: You have any regrets about losing my
uncle's entire case file? Any DNA evidence that would've kept me out of this
place, proved who I was?

Derek: Is that what drove you to shoot Lavery --
your identity crisis?

Ethan: Stay with me here, Chief, ok? I count two
reasons for the disappearance of the Michael Cambias police file. One, Ryan
bought you off so he could get his hands on my billions. Or two, you bungled the
case so badly, you pinched the file yourself to cover up your own flaming
incompetence! And now you're doing it again, trying to pin Lavery's shooting on
me, because you have no evidence, mate, and no imagination. Well, I'm sorry, I'm
not taking the wrap for your screwups again. That I can guarantee you!

[Cell door slams]

Zach: Michael was here the other day, along with
you.

Maria: What do you mean? Like he was -- he was
here like a ghost?

Zach: No. His spirit. The heart and the soul of
the brother I loved, not the rapist that everyone wanted to end up on the
landfill.

Maria: I mean, it's good that you have good
memories of him.

Zach: Yeah, is it? My brother begged me not to
give up on him. What do I do with that? Do I just ignore my instincts? Who do I
trust to tell me the truth?

Maria: You can trust the woman who loved you.

Bianca: You know, I think I get why you would
question Babe's real take on me -- on any of us. Babe and her mom have had a
really rough life, always in survival mode, and I'm sure that that's involved
some lightweight scamming.

Jamie: But you would never see Babe scamming you?

Bianca: Me? No. Because Babe knows that whoever
she is is cool with me. And -- and I know that deep down, she's a totally
righteous person, and this memorial to Miranda just proves it.

Jamie: But people have their dark sides. J.R.
proved that.

Bianca: Jamie, you can't compare Babe and J.R.
Look at everything that Babe has done for me. She delivered my baby all by
herself. Then she risked her own baby trekking through a flooded forest to call
for help. Babe has proven her love for me, and I would stake my life on that.

Jamie: I believe that, but --

Bianca: Jamie, what is this about really? Is this
because you still want to be with Babe?

Jamie: I just -- I thought Babe and I, we had a
connection.

Bianca: Well, even if things have changed, Babe
hasn't. Just believe in her and everything is going to work out the way it's
supposed to.

Jamie: Is there anything that Babe could do to
shake your faith in her?

Bianca: I don't think so. I mean, even though
Babe has made some questionable decisions lately, I'm sure that in the end, it's
going to turn out that everything she's done she did for the right reason and we
can't see it right now. I'm not really helping you that much, am I?

Jamie: There's only one thing that's going to
help.

Zach: I wish you could see Michael through my
eyes.

Maria: But you hadn't seen him in so many years.
People change.

Zach: Change how? From trusting and loyal to a
rapist liar?

Maria: Well --

Zach: The worst mistake he ever made was coming
to this town.

Maria: Well, a lot of people in town would agree
with you.

Zach: They made him a scapegoat, and he paid the
ultimate price, I think.

Liza: I mean, I go back and forth. First, I feel
guilty. I mean, I have Colby. She's this young innocent. She still believes that
Adam hung the moon.

Tad: Well, look, he's always had power over women
and children. You know that. That's his MO -- charm, manipulate, then destroy.

Liza: I know, I just shudder when I think of the
way that Colby was conceived, Adam buying the sperm bank, all so I could get the
sample -- all in the name of love, mind you. That kind of love scares the life
out of me.

Tad: Well, then you stay scared, for Colbyís
sake. Because I couldn't help J.R., but you still stand a chance with her.

Liza: Taking Colby out of her father's life -- I
don't -- I don't have a choice, do I?

[Knock on door]

Tad: Shh.

Marian: Tad, where's Liza?

Tad: Liza?

Liza: Stuart, you didn't come to try to talk me
out of it, did you?

Jamie: Hey, guys. I got to talk to you.

Tad: I'm sorry, I'm kind of in the middle of
something right now.

Jamie: No, it's important.

Liza: Don't worry.

Tad: Ok. Let's go outside.

Marian: This just gives me one more chance to say
goodbye to you, darling.

Liza: Oh, Mama. Don't cry.

Marian: I can't help it, baby.

Liza: Aw.

Marian: I can't help it.

Liza: I love you.

Tad: Ok, so what's burning a hole through you?

Jamie: Just the end of the world as I know it.

Derek: Babe, step away. Hayward, hands behind
your back.

Adam: Come on, get with it!

Derek: You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have
the right to an attorney and to have an attorney present during questioning.

Maria: Thank God, Bianca. Talk to him, please?

Zach: Did you know that Ethan was arrested for
the Lavery shooting?

Bianca: Yeah, I did.

Zach: Does it bother anyone that this is the
wrong man?

Bianca: He may not be the wrong man.

Zach: What are you -- that's what I'm talking
about, Maria. Pine Valley still wants their pound of flesh, don't they?

Bianca: I -- I guess that I walked in on
something major.

Maria: Yeah, he's on a bad path.

Bianca: What path is that?

Maria: He's on a path to some deep trouble. I
need to -- I need to ask you to do something for me.

Bianca: Yes, I will if I can. What is it?

Maria: It's -- I mean, this is a lot to ask, but
I need for you to convince Zach that Michael Cambias was totally evil and beyond
redemption.

Jamie: I got a question only you can answer.

Tad: Well, that in itself is a frightening
concept.

Jamie: You're my dad. It's not my place to
question the calls you make.

Tad: Who are you kidding? It's never stopped you
before. Have a seat.

Jamie: I mean, I don't mean to get in your face,
but you pulled something on me and J.R. a while back that was pretty low. Now,
either you didn't think you had a choice or you made the only choice you thought
you could. Whatever. I just need to know how you got to where you could live
with it.

Tad: Ok, all right. Hold on a second. Could we,
you know, narrow it down a little bit so I don't incriminate myself?

Jamie: Not telling us that J.R.'s marriage to
Babe wasn't legal.

Tad: Uh-huh. Yeah. Well, that does sort of top my
regret list. I got to tell you, kiddo, I'm pretty sure I'd do exactly the same
thing if the situation came full circle to bite me in the neck.

Jamie: So, what is it you actually regret?

Tad: Breaking faith with you, and J.R.

Jamie: Ok, so that's the deal. You broke faith
with someone you really cared about, but you knew you had to, right, no matter
what the hit?

Tad: That's pretty much the situation, yeah.

Jamie: Ok, where'd you come up with that? I mean,
what dummy playbook did you use to make it cool to turn on us? I mean, how do
you lie to the people you love and still do the right thing?

Stuart: I just wish there was some other way so
you and Colby could stay here with us.

Liza: I'm just doing what I know I have to do. I
wish there was some other way I could stay or move to another town.

Stuart: I tried to convince Adam that his kind of
love just hurts people, but I just can't convince him.

Marian: Darling, nobody blames you.

Liza: Well, Adam is Adam. And that's the problem.
I mean, look at how J.R. has changed for the worse. I can't risk that happening
to Colby.

Marian: Yes, but part of me wishes you would stay
here and fight him, Liza.

Liza: Mother, it's a fight that would last a
lifetime. Adam would make sure of it. And, you know, honestly, it's not that I
can't fight Adam, it's that I'm sick of it. I want Colby to grow up in a
war-free zone. I want her to have a childhood where she can actually be a child.

Stuart: Liza's right. It just makes me sadder
than I've been in a long time.

Liza: If I could find another way, I would.

[Phone rings]

Liza: Excuse me.

[Ring]

Liza: Hello?

Adam: Liza. So good to hear your voice.

Liza: Adam. Um -- I didn't know you were home.

Adam: Oh, Hayward must have shared his plans with
you. Entertaining visions of me tip-toeing through the yak droppings?

Liza: What do you want?

Adam: I want Colby first thing in the morning. By
my count, you owe me at least two weeks of quality time with my daughter.

Liza: Adam --

Adam: No excuses. Just do it.

Adam's voice: Liza, you cut me out of your life.
You were going to have a child without me. You were going to have artificial
insemination. But I knew that I could get you back. And I was right. Liza, I
would never hurt you -- never!

Liza: Don't you understand how this hurts me?
Knowing the lengths that you would go to to deceive me? You -- you spent
millions on a fertility clinic to make a five-minute sperm switch?

Adam: To hell with the money!

Liza: To hell with the values, the morals! You
used me! You committed an act of deliberate brutality, Adam. You don't get to be
in her life. You don't visit her. You don't talk to her. You don't buy her
presents. You don't even wave at her from across the room.

Adam: Not in a million years. Colby is my flesh
and blood, and I will be part of her life, one way or another.

Marian: Liza? Darling, what is it?

Liza: Adam just made the most difficult decision
of my life a day at the carnival.

J.R.: Well? What's up?

Adam: There's something in Liza's tone I didn't
like.

J.R.: And that's new? Dad, can I just say how
happy I am to have you home and that you're ok?

Adam: I cannot tell you how happy I am to be
home.

J.R.: Yeah.

Adam: Where's Bess?

J.R.: She's asleep.

Adam: Oh, come on, wake her up, just this once.
I've got to see her.

J.R.: Uh -- well, can I make a suggestion?
Please, don't take this the wrong way. Can you shower? I mean, you are a bit
ripe.

Adam: Oh, yeah. A couple of weeks with a yak can
do that to you.

J.R.: And after you shower and get changed, maybe
we could plot our next move.

Adam: Nothing would please me more. I'll have to
see Liza tomorrow.

Krystal: Welcome home, Grizzly Adams.

Babe: Mama, what about my baby boy's DNA sample?
What if the police take it away from David?

Zach: Salamba sirsasana. Good for calming the
brain, relieving stress.

Ethan: You know yoga.

Zach: I know a lot of things. What I don't know
is who you really are.

Bianca: What's the deal? Why is Zach so bent on
reinventing Michael as some misunderstood good guy?

Maria: I don't know. I don't know what you mean
by that.

Bianca: Oh, Maria, please, I'm not stupid.

[Maria sighs]

Bianca: Tell me. Zach seems to think that Michael
was unfairly judged, and he staged that whole twisted game based on Michael's
death. He even suggested to me once that he didn't think I really killed
Michael. So don't try to play me off, ok? I want to know, what is Zach's
connection to Michael Cambias? They knew each other, didn't they?

Ethan: Who am I, Mr. Slater? I'm the original
open-faced sandwich. What you see is what you get. Unless you listen to Pine
Valley, in which case I'm some evil potential murderer. Anyway, I don't care.
What's it to you?

Zach: I'm here to get you out.

Ethan: Why?

Zach: I know I'd want to be free to go after what
I want.

Maria: Zach and Michael did know each other.
Years ago they did, and they were -- they were close.

Bianca: Well, I figured that it had to be
something like that.

Maria: But Zach's Michael's very different than
the one that we knew. And you're right, Zach's theory is that somebody else
killed Michael and not you.

Bianca: I've tried to convince him that he's
wrong. I was there. I -- I pulled the trigger. Zach seems to think that I was
manipulated into covering for the real killer or killers.

Maria: Yeah, he doesn't believe the official
version of how Michael died. He thinks it's wrong.

Bianca: He doesn't believe that Ethan shot Ryan,
either. You know, I'm beginning to think that we've made some mistakes about
Ethan and Zach.

Ethan: You offered to help me before.

Zach: And you threw it back in my face.

Ethan: No hard feelings?

Zach: You hadn't been kicked hard enough around
here. Maybe now you'll reconsider. How about it?

David: And who are you supposed to be, Derek,
Adam's personal rent-a-cop?

Derek: You listen up. Adam is swearing out a
complaint against you and it's my job to act on it. It's up to the DA whether it
sticks or not! Now, empty your pockets and put it in this envelope.

David: This is totally bogus, and you know it.

Derek: Do you want a full-body search?

David: I have patients depending on me.

Derek: Well, good. They'll want your autograph
when they find out that you're the key witness in this case. I got to tell you,
the evidence against you is piling up. Come on, let's go. Hey, Ramsey, you've
got company.

Zach: Maybe today wasn't a total waste.

Derek: Slater. Just the man I want to see.

Zach: How can I help you, Chief?

Derek: You can tell me if Hayward is guilty.

Maria: Bianca, I don't know what you're getting
at.

Bianca: Maria, you and I both liked Ethan and
Zach from the start for, you know, whatever reason. We became their defenders.
Why?

Maria: Yeah, why?

Bianca: Yeah, why? Now Ethan is accused of
attempted murder, and Zach turns out to be Michael's old pal and -- and
champion. And to me, that's reason enough to run in the total other direction. I
think that we should stay away from Ethan and Zach until we know who they really
are.

Zach: How can I be of service, Chief?

Derek: Well, J.R. Chandler said that you recorded
over the surveillance tape for the first night of the fundraiser.

Zach: J.R. misunderstood. I can supply you with
whatever you need.

Derek: Great. Then we can see exactly what
Hayward did or didn't do to Adam in your gazebo.

Babe: Mama, what happens if that DNA sample that
proves Ace is my baby gets lost at the station or something? How are we going to
get another one?

Krystal: Listen, I want you to name the date and
the time and the place that I ever failed you, ok? Never, all right? Don't you
and I always come out swinging together? Now, I am going to find a way to free
David and that cotton swab, or I'm going to die trying.

Adam: You mark my words, I won't rest until I
have David Hayward screaming for mercy.

J.R.: Yeah, well, it'll be a family massacre --
David, Krystal, and Babe. I know just the way we can destroy all three of them.

Adam: Let's drink --

J.R.: Yeah.

Adam: To the eve of destruction.

Tad: James, I'm not now nor ever will be proud of
lying to you and J.R., but it wasn't about you. There was an innocent baby to
consider. And in the end, all I was really trying to do was prevent J.R. from
doing exactly what he's doing right now -- the snatch-and-grab -- you know, just
like his father, like it's his right. And in truth, I guess, all I did was delay
the inevitable, because even if I had told him about the marriage, he would be
doing exactly what he's doing right now. Because as far as he's concerned, Bess
is his by blood, so she's his by right. So, what's your big moral dilemma?

Liza: It's time.

Tad: So?

Liza: So, thank you.

Tad: Oh, no, forget it. It's nothing. Stuff.

Liza: No, I mean, not just the papers, but
helping me disappear. Boy, that sounds final.

Tad: Yeah. Well, we'll see each other.

Liza: Sure we will.

Tad: We will. At the next high school reunion,
I'm going to be walking around looking for Ramona Beazley, woman most likely to
be missed.

Liza: You know, I'm going to say something, and
if I don't say it right now, I probably won't, so I just want to thank you for
always appreciating the inner bad girl. I was a lot of things. I wasn't what you
needed or what you wanted, but I was always enough. I mean, we partnered in
crime and corporate raided, and we knocked Adam on his butt a few times. And
through it all, we -- we loved each other. I'm going to miss you very much. It
was a wild and wonderful ride, and I would've not traded it for anything.

Tad: Me, neither.

Liza: It's time for Colby and I to find our own
life now, to make friends and have new adventures. Part of my heart will always
be in Pine Valley. I mean, what are you going to do without me here to drive you
crazy? You're all on your own. Actually, no, no, you -- you have Krystal.

Tad: Hmm.

Liza: Listen, just do me a favor. When you have
one of those days where you stub your toe and you get stuck in traffic, and it
seems like a day of endless aggravation, would you think of me, like the old
days? My oldest and best dear friend.

Marian: Liza? Oh. I'm sorry. Colby's waiting in
the car with Stuart.

Liza: Ok.

Tad: Be good.

Liza: Yeah. And if I can't be good, I'll be
careful.

Tad: Huh. Who are you kidding?

Liza: Who am I kidding!

Tad: Ok, Jamie. James? Oh, that can't be good.

On the next "All My Children" --

David: The swab -- they have it, so you've got to
get it back.

Ethan: I confess. I was going to take your gun
and try to bust my way out of here.