Be it a relationship or even in marriage, once it gets so toxic and you ain't feeling it no more, just GTFO.

Value your happiness, it's in your hands, cherish it above all else. The moment you can't get through to that SO no more, walk away. Never stick around; not for love or how good you both look together, not for the kids, not for family or your finances, not for nothing. If with time you both realize your mistakes and want to get back together, FINE. But when sh*t hits the fan again, mehn rinse n repeat.

Martinez39: This is not a rubbish thread. It's for us to learn. We Nigerians like acting like good things are all that is destined for us. We act like bad things don't happen. Bad experience are part of life, we learn from them not run away and treat the discussion of them like a taboo. Don't live your life always wanting to hear positive things. Tragedies are part of life.

Bless you abeg.I believe this thread is for matured minds. And we shouldn't be shy in expressing ourselves. People are here to learn from others mistakes, we shouldn't be shy. Come to think of it, we make mistakes sometimes and it's never a crime if we learn/advice others so that they won't fall into the same hole.

It's helps a lot if we talk about our pains/ challenges.

Me, I dey my husband house... it's never rosy but we try our best. We have our moments but our one goal is to " make it work" .Marriage is an empty box, you get whatever you put into it.

If you want a loving home, both parties needs to put in more love. Marriage is not 50/50, it's 100/100 of both parties efforts.

Abeg we need more of matured minds here not small small people with small sense

Same issue am experiencing. Though not married yet. My girlfriend is a good girl but her mum domineering influence on her is too much. Her mum just wants to control everything about her and the relationship. This is the only issue we argue about in our relationship cos my babe doesn't see anything wrong with her mum's action. Just wish she can stop this omo mummy thing and take responsibility for herself. I love her so much.

It's good you stated the red flag you noticed in your relationship. I would advice you control it now cos if you marry her like that, sorry to say but your MIL will be the one running your home.

My husband had the same issue with the lady he wanted to marry. The girl's mum was even rude and disrespectful to her own husband. My husband said he saw all those things and imagined how the girl's mum's influence may have on this family if he eventually marries the girl, so he had to end the relationship.

So my dear, don't let love cover your eyes to the realities of life. Tackle it Weller!Wish you the best.

Bless you abeg.I believe this thread is for matured minds. And we shouldn't be shy in expressing ourselves. People are here to learn from others mistakes, we shouldn't be shy. Come to think of it, we make mistakes sometimes and it's never a crime if we learn/advice others so that they won't fall into the same hole.

It's helps a lot if we talk about our pains/ challenges.

Me, I dey my husband house... it's never rosy but we try our best. We have our moments but our one goal is to " make it work" .Marriage is an empty box, you get whatever you put into it.

If you want a loving home, both parties needs to put in more love. Marriage is not 50/50, it's 100/100 of both parties efforts.

Abeg we need more of matured minds here not small small people with small sense

Great contribution. Don't mind those children on this thread. They think life is a bed or roses and marriage is like they see it on telenovela. Marriage is not easy and anyone can have a failed marriage. No one is a mind reader and has no authority over their spouse's behaviour and actions. It's a good thing that those who have made mistakes gather and make sure that the younger generation don't repeat such. Once again, thanks for your contribution.

GREATESTPIANIST: I am not yet married, but I envision a blissful home , a marriage filled with joy and God's peace....a marriage of wealth, abundance, children (I love children), a marriage of sound mind and all God envisions for his children to have........I believe this is my lot, I anticipate it!!!!!!!! Glory!!!!!!!!!!!! #YouAreWhatYouThink#

You are nt what you think bro. You are wat you do. Pray but also play your part to keep d home intact.

Martinez39: Men and women on nairaland who have had a failed marriage or, as the case might be, failed marriages, tell us what went wrong. How did it end? Was it your fault or your spouse's fault? Do you have any regrets? What were the red flags you saw in your spouse? What would you have done differently? Get in here and tell us.

Finally, from your experience, drop your advice for those that are thinking of getting married.

NB: this is a serious thread, no derailing. We are here to learn as others here are about to marry or enter a relationship. We are not here to judge anyone and there is no need to feel ashamed. It's better to have many failed marriages than to remain with a bad spouse forever. Besides, failed marriages can happen to anyone as you are not a mind reader and you are not in charge of your spouse actions.

what went wrong: He became aggressive and violent after I got pregnant and wasn't responsible to the kids welfare.

he refused getting a job and I ended up being the bread winner of the family on debts.

he was proud, nassicist and impatient.

he curses at every opportunity

he relayed solely on his mum's advice always and keeps secrets.

how did it end:

After he locked I and the kids out. my family stepped in to save me and the kids.

our rent was due and despite working he still expected me to pay the rent which I refused cos I was fed up, exhausted and frustrated.

whose fault?

it was entirely his fault because even when I endured the responsibility and violence ,it got worse, and he felt he owns me and can do anytin he like without being questioned. he had a dyfunctional upbringing which made him belive torturing a woman Wil make her worship him.

any regrets?

my regrets were setbacks, trauma and ending up with the wrong partner.

red flags on spouse?

lying, violent,anger,malice, impatient in the sense that he wanted fast money he didn't need to work hard for whereby making him addicted to football betting and online hook up.

what I would have done differently?

taken my time to study him and avoid sentimental discision.

never dated a short guy. lol . anger issues and inferiority complex where by he make me feel less of myself and made me loose my self esteem by talking down and condemning every good thing I ever did

be more patient : cos of my age then (27years) I felt the clock was ticking and I wuldnt want to get married late.

moved on: when I got pregnant I had an opportunity to move on after the violent actions but I didn't because I felt I had no chance if I end up as a single mum.

I am very relaxed and more peaceful now. it's been 2 years of success, progress and hope with my kids alone and am so happy I made that discision to leave for good alive.

Despite the traumatic experience, am still hopeful and believe in a happy and successful marriage especially with the right spouse .

what went wrong: He became aggressive and violent after I got pregnant and wasn't responsible to the kids welfare.

he refused getting a job and I ended up being the bread winner of the family on debts.

he was proud, nassicist and impatient.

he curses at every opportunity

he relayed solely on his mum's advice always and keeps secrets.

how did it end:

After he locked I and the kids out. my family stepped in to save me and the kids.

our rent was due and despite working he still expected me to pay the rent which I refused cos I was fed up, exhausted and frustrated.

whose fault?

it was entirely his fault because even when I endured the responsibility and violence ,it got worse, and he felt he owns me and can do anytin he like without being questioned. he had a dyfunctional upbringing which made him belive torturing a woman Wil make her worship him.

any regrets?

my regrets were setbacks, trauma and ending up with the wrong partner.

red flags on spouse?

lying, violent,anger,malice, impatient in the sense that he wanted fast money he didn't need to work hard for whereby making him addicted to football betting and online hook up.

what I would have done differently?

taken my time to study him and avoid sentimental discision.

never dated a short guy. lol . anger issues and inferiority complex where by he make me feel less of myself and made me loose my self esteem by talking down and condemning every good thing I ever did

be more patient : cos of my age then (27years) I felt the clock was ticking and I wuldnt want to get married late.

moved on: when I got pregnant I had an opportunity to move on after the violent actions but I didn't because I felt I had no chance if I end up as a single mum.

I am very relaxed and more peaceful now. it's been 2 years of success, progress and hope with my kids alone and am so happy I made that discision to leave for good alive.

Despite the traumatic experience, am still hopeful and believe in a happy and successful marriage especially with the right spouse .

Chai... Keep on keeping your head up.. Great Courage it took to leave.

fetthu:My advice is for MEN and this is based on my little experience.

Never marry a woman that does not or would not respect you. (including a woman with bad attitude and low morals). If you do YOU WILL REGRET IT....don't ever think you can manage it ( remember its forever). The saying that "the 3 most important things men want in marriage is:Respect, Good food & Good sex" is true, so scan well well to be certain you have the right partner.

Most women nag...but my brother nagging get levels....do everything humanly possible to avoid a woman with high potential of nagging....if you don't...YOU WILL HATE YOURSELF....As a man, if you are not patient (SURU) pls dont marry yet, until you find a way to develop yourself in that regard....its takes a patient man to be a good husband.....you will see many things, but you can't react to everything, else YOU CAN RUN MAD.....

It takes God and high level of luck to marry the right partner (man or woman)....you cannot use smartness alone or discerning spirit or anything....Marriage is like going to the market to buy a parcel wrapped in a black nylon, until get home that's when the nature of what you bought would begin to unravel its content in a slow release manner (good or bad).

It is my believe that for a woman to enjoy/own/control her marriage and her husband she needs to be submissive to her husband....(to people who may not agree) like i said...IT IS MY BELIEVE, it may not be your believe, don't crucify me for my believe.To those planning to get married, i wish you GOOD LUCK in selecting the right parcel. -this advice is for men. Thank you.

Johnny1013:I am really liking what am reading....I am not married tho My ex thought God sent me into her life to be a slave.Proposed and she said yes.Her parents decided to frustrate me by controlling the relationship..Says I must be attending their Church and be dedicated.Even a letter from my pastor did not save anything. My babe was still supporting her parents.AT this junction,my spirit told me you are created for more p.s I am so dedicated and an ardent lover of the gospel.attending Christ embassy and she was MFM

dhensity:Not my marriage sha I was dating this girl . We were in love or so I thought, fast forward we were pricing rings in ring shop - things were going very well . Bank said she wanted to go to Italy to support a maLe friend who was a pub singer. She says ' he has a concert and I promised to be there '

I wasn't a kill joy so I supported her to go. Even mad love the night before her travelling .My brothers and sisters that was the last day I saw her with my eyes. . She came back and told me she wants to be in an open relationship that is we can see other people . I said no and that was it. A month after she started flaunting another guy on her instagram. A year plus she is still flaunting the guy on installing and I like the pics so she doesn't think e pain me. E pain me no be small. am not crying I am only wiping my tears

Ishilove:Isn't rather odd that majority, if not all the posters are the 'victims'? The other party was the cause of the break up.

Says quite a lot.

That's why i am a conspiracy theorist.

People will always favour themselves. They are perfect but there partner was this and that. Like the long one we just read above, see as she labeled her partner as a devil, while she didn't do anything wrong.

what went wrong: He became aggressive and violent after I got pregnant and wasn't responsible to the kids welfare.

he refused getting a job and I ended up being the bread winner of the family on debts.

he was proud, nassicist and impatient.

he curses at every opportunity

he relayed solely on his mum's advice always and keeps secrets.

how did it end:

After he locked I and the kids out. my family stepped in to save me and the kids.

our rent was due and despite working he still expected me to pay the rent which I refused cos I was fed up, exhausted and frustrated.

whose fault?

it was entirely his fault because even when I endured the responsibility and violence ,it got worse, and he felt he owns me and can do anytin he like without being questioned. he had a dyfunctional upbringing which made him belive torturing a woman Wil make her worship him.

1StopRudeness:There's no perfect marriage, there's no bone of bone, flesh of flesh, there no made in heaven marriage, there's no spirit led me therefore, it must be perfect marriage..Why do I say this.?..marriage isn't one of the compulsory will of God for us on this earth...u marry, u don't marry, it's not a crime or sin... u can still fulfill God's purpose for ur life and make it home...Evangelist William Franklin Graham was asked, why do you have a great marriage...and he said...

There's no great marriage...just two imperfect people willing to forgive each other no matter what

Its Way Beyond Forgiveness Alone. Its Also A Case Of Aligned Goals, Discipline, Sacrifice, Responsibility And Duty. Then Finally Love.

what went wrong: He became aggressive and violent after I got pregnant and wasn't responsible to the kids welfare.

he refused getting a job and I ended up being the bread winner of the family on debts.

he was proud, nassicist and impatient.

he curses at every opportunity

he relayed solely on his mum's advice always and keeps secrets.

how did it end:

After he locked I and the kids out. my family stepped in to save me and the kids.

our rent was due and despite working he still expected me to pay the rent which I refused cos I was fed up, exhausted and frustrated.

whose fault?

it was entirely his fault because even when I endured the responsibility and violence ,it got worse, and he felt he owns me and can do anytin he like without being questioned. he had a dyfunctional upbringing which made him belive torturing a woman Wil make her worship him.

any regrets?

my regrets were setbacks, trauma and ending up with the wrong partner.

red flags on spouse?

lying, violent,anger,malice, impatient in the sense that he wanted fast money he didn't need to work hard for whereby making him addicted to football betting and online hook up.

what I would have done differently?

taken my time to study him and avoid sentimental discision.

never dated a short guy. lol . anger issues and inferiority complex where by he make me feel less of myself and made me loose my self esteem by talking down and condemning every good thing I ever did

be more patient : cos of my age then (27years) I felt the clock was ticking and I wuldnt want to get married late.

moved on: when I got pregnant I had an opportunity to move on after the violent actions but I didn't because I felt I had no chance if I end up as a single mum.

I am very relaxed and more peaceful now. it's been 2 years of success, progress and hope with my kids alone and am so happy I made that discision to leave for good alive.

Despite the traumatic experience, am still hopeful and believe in a happy and successful marriage especially with the right spouse .

you are really a strong woman.I advise people to walk out of abusive relationship.Madam well done..Keep hoping for the best ,the Lord is thy strength

People will always favour themselves. They are perfect but there partner was this and that. Like the long one we just read above, see as she labeled her partner as a devil, while she didn't do anything wrong.

I always prefer to hear from both sides before passing judgement. What I'm seeing here is teaching me lessons on the human psyche

GREATESTPIANIST: I am not yet married, but I envision a blissful home , a marriage filled with joy and God's peace....a marriage of wealth, abundance, children (I love children), a marriage of sound mind and all God envisions for his children to have........I believe this is my lot, I anticipate it!!!!!!!! Glory!!!!!!!!!!!! #YouAreWhatYouThink#

You have an almost unrealistic expectations, something like building a castle in the air even Abraham in the Bible had a turbulent marriage, he had the money and yet no child, temptation and trouble sets in he took another wife called Hagar. still yet God speaks to him one on one.

No human is 100% perfect, even you check your self very well, do you possess all those stuff you just wrote there?

This your theory have lead to the collapse of many homes where the lady thinks that in marriage there is no suffering, no pains, no sorrow, they all prepare their mind for heaven on earth, forgetting that this is earth filled with uncertainty and immediately their expectations are not forthcoming problems sets in and they keep asking themselves if they married the right man rather than being patient.

As long as you are hopping for the best you must prepare for the worst scenario which is what we call plan B and that is why we must lean from all this point they outlined here.

#YouAreWhatYouThink# I love this phrase but a pastor that always use this phrase while on podium his marriage crashed, this is a man of God that hears from God. Are you saying he is not thinking for a better marriage or his thought is not to get a working and happy home?