YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama stayed up late last night in order to receive a ream of faxed missives from informant and aide-de-camp Lucy Looselips, and we dropped everything this morning to bring you photos and information of Les Bauxde Palm Springs, the hillside compound overlooking Palm Springs that former Three's Company dingbat turned self help guru goddess Suzanne Somers and her huzband Alan Hamel recently put on the market for a blistering $35,000,000.

Ooo-wee children, Your Mama loves us some Suzanne Somers. Like most of you probably do, we too think she's a bit over the rainbow and she's probably a little too into the white light crap for our particular constitution, but this still blond behatcha is far smarter than most people give her credit. See babies, MizSomers played Chrissy Snow so flawlessly that many just assumed she was an air brained cow. She is, decidedly, not.

Not only did Miz Somers have the know how to parlay her 15 minutes of 1970s television fame into a lifetime of public eye, she has very successfully turned her wacky ideas into a massive money making empire. Yes, children, that is correct, a damn empire. This lady has earned more money toning booties with her ThighMasters, strutting her stuff in Las Vegas, teaching fat ladies how to "Somersize," and pushing product on the Home Shopping Network than most people realize.

The seemingly charmed sixty-something year old artificial blondie has also been touched by the dark hand of Lady Luck. She was booted from Three's Company because she asked for a raise (something women simply did not do back then), she was diagnosed and survived breast cancer with a combination of traditional treatments and mistletoe injections (whatever that is), and in January of 2007, her and the Mister's ocean front home in Malibu went up in flames resulting in a total loss. Some time ago Your Mama discussed the house on swanky Sweetwater Mesa in Malee-boo that the couple leased in the aftermath.

But we digress. Let's get back to Les Baux de Palm Springs where among her other endeavors such as gardening and inventing silly things people never knew they desperately wanted, the multi-talented dilettante decorates. Oh Jeezis, Mary, and Joseph does she ever decorate. This ladee's got chandeliers hanging in the trees, a silver mine worth of picture frames, miles and oceans of fabric swinging in the breeze, dried roses coming out her well preserved wazoo, and a zebra skin rug in just about every damn room in the compound.

Located in a quiet pocket of Palm Springs at the base of the San Jacinto mountains, MizSomers and Mister Hamel's desert hideaway sprawls across 65 (or 73 deppending on where you look) acres of canyon scrub land that they've owned since March of 1977. According to a recent article in Palm Springs Life, the small main house was built in the 1920s by Wright Ludington, an artist and architectural dramatic who went on to steward Montecito's quirky and venerable Val Verde estate. Ludington sold the property sometime in the 1950s to the Benoists, who owned the Almadén Vineyards. Presumably it was the Benoists who added the Albert Frey designed guest house up the slope from the main house.

The Somers/Hamels kept the place virtually untouched for 10 years after purchasing it, making due with minuscule square footage and a frightfully wee 4 foot wide kitchen. Then they got a bee in their rich bonnets and went all Winchester Mystery House expanding and building their faux-French-ish desert dreamhouse. The main house was enlarged, a newer, larger kitchen was built, several guest houses were dropped into the craggy landscape, the swimming pool was updated, a small amphitheater was wedged into the rocks, and over the years all services were updated to offer modern day conveniences and luxuries. The myriad of buildings that make up the hillside compound connect by way of stone pathways and curving staircase that are dotted with small terraces and provide big views over the valley.

We know some of you city sophisticates are going to scream and fuss about how Palm Springs is nothing but a deathly hot cemetery where even the young people are old and we know some of you will moan endlessly about all the wildly wealthy, leather skinned 70-something year old retirees piloting flawless, vintage 450SLs while sporting tennis togs, gigantic woman-with-a-past sunglasses and heavy turquoise bracelets. Still others of you will surely gripe about all the queens with pinky rings and jewel colored sweaters wrapped around their shoulders that parade up and down Palm Canyon Drive like it was a god-damn runway in the tents at Bryant Park. Fair enough. None-the-less, Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter happen to love the desert in general and specifically the Coachella Valley where we have spent many happy evenings staring contentedly at the craggy mountains as we toss back a few gin and tonics on the balcony of our favorite room at the Jonathan Adler designed Parker Palms Springs Hotel. So we get it when MizSomers says that the area is magical. We happen to agree, sweater queens aside.

Naturally, we are beside ourselves with mortification about the monstrous and potentially lethal pot rack in the kitchen and we find those little skirt thingys on the dining room chairs to be both upsetting and unnecessary. But in the main, we freely confess to loving MizSomer's house and its over-stuffed and over blown interiors. No children, Your Mama is not drunk–yet–or on drugs. We just happen to dig all the odd tidbits and pieces scattered throughout the property like the matador costume and nutty green velvet sofas in the dining room. We love that Miz Somers has a passion for opulent and glittery chandeliers and hangs them everywhere, including in the trees. Although Your Mama hasn't a single mirror in any of our houses that isn't above a bathroom sink, we j'adore all the mirrors with intricate carved wood frames and we appreciate the way she injects a single color or texture or pattern into a space that somehow makes the whole thing leap out at you like a 3-d horror movie. And we can not stand–in a good way–that she has used zebra pattern as a motif throughout the house, in almost every room. This house SCREAMS Suzanne Somers and we love that because we love her.

No children, Your Mama could never and would never live among this sort of uberluxeromanticalArchitectural Digest worthy decor and, in truth, iffin Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter were to buy desert digs we'd look for something far more modern with interior spaces that become outdoor spaces by simply pushing open a massive glass slider, something with a day-core that managed to stop well short of being all did up like one of those horrid clichés of mid-century modern madness that litter the steaming streets of Palm Springs. None-the-less, we can't help it. We're smitten with the Somers/Hamel house and we would relish and pull our toenails out for any opportunity to lay around that wonderfully sited swimming pool with MizSomers and talk about bioidentical hormones, thigh tightening, organic vegetables and what she really thinks of Larry King and Joyce Dewitt.

We know y'all are going to skewer us and prattle on for days about how awful this place is. And you just go right ahead with your bad selves. Meanwhile we're going to dream about the high-larity of hanging out with Barry Manilow, Dinah Shore, and the memory of Mister Merv Griffin, may she rest in peace, while MizSomers serenades us in her own private amphitheater.

According to Palm Springs Life, the Somers/Hamels will be packing up their zebra skin rugs and chandeliers and moving to a new Palm Springs compound currently under construction. They say they're moving on, albeit with trepidation and pained hearts, because they love the process of building and all that entails. And we believe Miz Perpetually Young. We do. But Your Mama also knows that money talks, and if the this savvy couple can unload Les Bauxde Palm Springs for anywhere near it's current $35,000,000 asking price they'll pocket many millions of dollars. And that my friends is another of the many examples of just how smart Miz Somers is when it comes to making the big bank.

Since the article in Palms Springs Life provided the link to the virtual tour, so will we. Enjoy. And be nice.

Desert scenery is nice, but I guess I've lived in cosmopolitan locales too long to appreciate the joys of owning a desert patch of scrub, even if it's a big ass 65 acres of it. I can't imagine myself coughing up even $3.5 million for this property, let alone $35 million.

I'm guessing it will become either a hotel or corporate retreat. I don't see any mention of it being lease land (land belongs to local indian tribes but homeowners have long term leases). 65 acres of non-indian land in Palm Springs would be pretty valuable.

That shade of green for the,is it velvet?,drapes is just my favorite color du jour,and as Mama said how can you not love her wacky ways;but I wonder is the value here in the rest of the land and would a developer be eying it for subdivision?

No, no, no, no, NO! Didn't y'all hear Mama! Be nice! Mama's trying to court famous people to come on her show. She doesn't need snotty nosed brats breaking any deals. I warm you, she will crate the lot of us if we scare these people away. Now here's how you be nice: I love all the ruffles and dead flowers. I mean dried floral arrangements. It's so rustic the way the candle wax runs down the sides of the empty wine bottles. I've never seen that done before. How clever! The wonderful thing is that the more you drink the brighter the room becomes and by the time you're smashed, you can easily find your way out. The pot rack is wonderful because you can see the bottoms of all the pots and can tell which ones need an extra scrubbing up. I don't think you can ever have enough zebra rugs and chenille throws. Especially pretty flesh pink ones. And someone as pretty as Ms Somers should have at least two mirrors on each wall. Of course ugly chilruns don't need ANY mirrors. Ok. Now try it. Don't you even think about screwing up this deal for Mama.

It's not the dining chairs that disturb me as much as the green chairs and sofa in the room ranged around it - are they for the audience to vote on your table manners while you eat a bowl of healthy grass for Miss Sommers? Do they hold up scorecards with numbers on them?

As Mama said, it looks like they kept moving that damn zebra rug from room to room; well they can just keep moving it right out the front door and into the nearest dumpster as far as I'm concerned . . .

This is more than way over the top for a desert compound; I'd be quite happy with what appears to be a stone guest house - simple, clean, elegant lines and appropriate material for the desert. The rest of the house is a sprawling mess across the landscape, dotted with oddly lovely vignettes and views.

Aunt Mary, take a nerve pill and relax; Mama's got it all under control. No one's gonna listen to a bunch of her noisy little chilrun prattle on about dead flowers, candle wax, lethal pot racks and dog's clothing anyway - Mama's the star, remember?

Mamma, I just discovered your wonderful real Estalker blog and it is so wonderful! I love your description of my home town and the Somers Palace. this will be a definite keeper for me. Keep up your wonderful blog. Blessings, Palm Springs resident

Yes this was one of my biggest jobs yet,but can't you tell that I had a Conde Nast budget?You should see all the crap we had to put in the Indian caves a the back so it wouldn't be in the photos,there was twice as much crap before!

I would never, ever, live in Palm Springs (I hate a climate that arid) but I LOVE this house. It's very St Tropez-esque. Yes, the decor is over the top and chandelier filled...but it's Suzanne Somers, so it's fantastic. I am a big fan of Ms Somers and her hubby Mr Hamel, she is, without question, the smartest dumb blond Hollywood ever produced. I would think that the value of the property is the 65 acres that don't seem leased. It would make an amazing corporate retreat.

It looks like an extended remix version of my Grandma's house in Texas and seeings how I have the flu right now, I'd love nothing more than to climb into that big bed with the curtains and drink some Theraflu...then after my nap Granny would have chilaquiles and ice tea waiting for me out by the pool after which I'd sit in that glorious steam bath, and let the Mucinex and Nyquil run thru my body like Drano...pray for me, I think I'm goin' to the light!

Mama knows best! I love Suzanne and everything that makes up her world! Her home is just a fabuloso desert dreamland. If I won the lotto today, I would happliy plunk a few million denari into the lovely hands of Ms. Somers and her hubby. I want to disappear into this compound and not come out for a month or two.