Jason Flowers is a very smart man. Intelligent, educated, witty, charming- doesn’t apply himself to shit- but brilliant none the less. Some girl in the 90s reminded R. Kelly of his Jeep. Not too long ago, Jason called me a classic car.

I’m a Detroiter (Motor [...]]]>

(written September 13, 2007)

Jason Flowers is a very smart man. Intelligent, educated, witty, charming- doesn’t apply himself to shit- but brilliant none the less. Some girl in the 90s reminded R. Kelly of his Jeep. Not too long ago, Jason called me a classic car.

I’m a Detroiter (Motor City)… so I was flattered… but I don’t think he realized how fucking profound this really was. It made me think. I love to think.

You can go to, hmmmm, lets say Miami (no pun intended), and you’ll see all the “Ol Schools” (as us Detroiters like to call them) you want. Problem is, alot of people love to fuck them up with glitter paint, big ass unnecessary tires, and feel like they are really not shit til its so much speaker equiptment in the trunk that you cant hear the voices in your head telling you that you have fucked up something that could have been forever. Now there is nothing wrong with a lil touch up paint, or some new tires but these are the beautiful girls that have brainwashed/plasticsurgery/lacefrontweaved/contacted/MACcountered/fakenailed/indianhaired themselves up into trying to be what they think niggas want when they were really the shit before… and didnt even know it.

…the niggas that ARE smart enough to not fuck their classics up with paint that looks like ghetto nailpolish from the ’90s, lock them up in their garages to collect dust while they run lights in their 760s. Don’t get me wrong, the BMW 760 is a beautiful car but there are THOUSANDS of those on the streets but when you neglect your classic, your REAL shit, that will still be around when your lease is up, when BMW makes a 765, if your money get bad and your life has to downgrade… don’t expect the engine to still run. It wants to because it will always love you, but it can’t…
get it?

Lord forbid you get into an accident in one of these beautiful, shiny, expensive pieces of shit. Kill yourself… LITERALLY.

What happens when the body style on the new models change? You are around this bitch looking old as hell. Not classic, old. Then you are at the car show looking for an upgrade… and oh what do you see? All next years models… and classics…

So Ol Schools are gas guzzlers-
You have to order all the parts-
Theres WAY more maintaince on a classic-

But in the end you have a REAL car, not this plastic fake ass bullshit that loses its value the day you take it off the lot… and believe, when you get in your well maintained ’73 Caprice with the original paint aka real hair, the original bumper aka real titties, real niggas will take notice. REAL niggas, cause niggas that dont know no better will turn their heads for every fast, shiny, red car that does 90 down the street, whether its a 1 million dollar Ferrari Enzo or a Hyundai Tiburon at $19,000 (as fully loaded as a Hyundai can come

“I could give a damn ’bout your car but then that would be
if it was considered a classic before the drastic change in production when cars were metal instead of plastic value…” Andre 3000 on Walk It Out Remix

So while I might not be a $1.7 million Bugatti Veyron (the fastest, most expensive & powerful car in the world) like Beyonce,
I’m esoteric (look it up), not everyone might think I’m beautiful, and my interior might be old, I’m strong and I’m a fucking original bitches! I hold my own without tint, rims, sounds, seat warmers or any that other bullshit “assistance” that most of that most of these “new” cars need to even be considered fly. Give me what I came with and not only will I turn heads, I’ll get to where the fuck I need to be… believe that.

So you think you might be a classic car too? Chances are, you’re not… Kanye said it best in “Stronger”… “There’s a thousand yous, there is only one of me…”

”They don’t really make em like this anymore. I ask cause I’m that sure, does anybody make real shit anymore?”

I’ve walked, volunteered, & fundraised for breast cancer for years & never really has a story… Until this year… I lost my husband to breast cancer. No need to RIP, because he never died. Shit he never proposed. Let me explain.

I’m the girl that never imagined herself married… Who couldn’t fathom a man I’d [...]]]>

I’ve walked, volunteered, & fundraised for breast cancer for years & never really has a story… Until this year… I lost my husband to breast cancer. No need to RIP, because he never died. Shit he never proposed. Let me explain.

I’m the girl that never imagined herself married… Who couldn’t fathom a man I’d consider spending my life with and let alone him feeling the same… until I met him… on a whim on a random Tuesday in November of 2010. He was everything I’d ever imagined & best of all, he felt the same about me. He made me feel like greatness. Like potential. Like everything I hadn’t accomplished was attainable & everything I had was success.

And then his mom got diagnosed… and her disease was our divorce. All in all, I learned a very important lesson: You don’t have to be infected to be affected.

So this year, on October 29, 2011 I will walk in remembrance of the way he made me feel, for a cure for the disease that destroyed our potential, & for his mom & all of the strong women & men that have survived what I hope no one else will have to endure the pain of losing anyone or anything else to.

I am the queen of trying something new. Last year, I tried the Master Cleanse for the first time. I stopped eating & drank fancy lemonade for 16 days. Afterwards, everything I ate tasted completely different then I remembered. It intrigued me to try some things I previously disliked… & [...]]]>

I am the queen of trying something new. Last year, I tried the Master Cleanse for the first time. I stopped eating & drank fancy lemonade for 16 days. Afterwards, everything I ate tasted completely different then I remembered. It intrigued me to try some things I previously disliked… & to my surprise, after 27 years of hating tomatoes, I now liked them! Truth is, tomatoes never did anything to me. They didn’t make me sick, I’m not allergic, I tried them… didn’t like them… wrote them off forever. I wondered if they truly tasted differently or if I tasted a bad one… or in the wrong situation… or my pallet was underdeveloped the last time I had one many years ago. Needless to say, I’m glad I gave them a new chance.

This made me think… what else am I missing out on because the old me disliked? How often do we reconsider things we once shunned or do we spend the rest of our lives sticking with notions we conceived when we were different people? How many of us are still scared of the Boogie Man? What fears do you harbor, but are no longer afraid of? How many OLD TRICKS are making NEW PUSSIES out of us?

I think about how my perspective on so many things has changed over the years… so I made a list of things & ideas I’d written off… I’m revisiting them with an open mind. No more telling myself what I don’t like until I give things a fresh chance… & in turn giving MYSELF a fresh chance.

We all laugh when we see the man with the 8 strands of hair he has decided to strap back & forth in attempts to cover what is now a bald head. I’m sure at some point he had a full head of hair… but now he doesn’t… & homie, you’re [...]]]>

We all laugh when we see the man with the 8 strands of hair he has decided to strap back & forth in attempts to cover what is now a bald head. I’m sure at some point he had a full head of hair… but now he doesn’t… & homie, you’re not fooling anyone. We all think “wouldn’t be me”… but we all do it.

We’ve all held on to what little bit we have left over after the majority has left. We tell ourselves something is better than nothing & we often savor the leftovers more than the meal. We hold on. We hope that no one notices. We fail to realize the scarceness of our HAVES emphasizes the of deficit our HAVE NOTS. We become victims of our own delusion.

THE EMOTIONAL COMBOVER is especially hard for me because not only am I a card carrying member of The Hair Club for Men… LOL, I’m the president. I, however chose today to free myself from remnants. I’m letting go of what I don’t have. I’m setting the comb down & picking up the clippers. I will forever keep the strands that I’m left to remove… not on my head, but in a scrapbook… where memories belong.

On Monday, March 7th, 2011, I will do the Master Cleanse aka Lemonade Diet again. This time for 10 days.

***DURING THE MASTER CLEANSE YOU EAT NO FOOD, TAKE NO MEDICINE OR VITAMINS.***

I did it last year starting out with the intention of doing [...]]]>

On Monday, March 7th, 2011, I will do the Master Cleanse aka Lemonade Diet again. This time for 10 days.

***DURING THE MASTER CLEANSE YOU EAT NO FOOD, TAKE NO MEDICINE OR VITAMINS.***

I did it last year starting out with the intention of doing 7 days. The first 3 days were hard. All I thought about was food but it seemed like once I got over the hump, it became easy! When I reached day 7, I decided to go for 10. When I reached 10, I decided to go for 14. When I got to 16, someone important to me at the time intervened. They called me “ANNIE-rexic” and kept saying “ANNIE are you OK… are you OK, ANNIE?” I went from 167 lbs to 152 in those 16 days & I promise you, I never felt better when I was on the cleanse. My mood & disposition towards things that would usually set me off were amazing. I had energy & a VERY clear head.

After the cleanse, food tasted completely different to me. I ate a tomato for the first time in 10 years (I’ve ALWAYS hated them) and it was delicious! It has been over a full year and I have not gained the weight back (I fluctuated between 151 and 157 lbs) but I am geared up to do the cleanse again, this time morso for its detox purposes. The cleanse is said to remove a year of damage with every 2 days you do it!

cayenne pepper pills (I get them from Walmart for $3 or you can use the powder)

sea salt

smooth move laxative tea

green and/or peppermint tea (optional)

Each 16 oz bottle represents 2- 8 oz servings.

Each serving is 8 oz water, 2 tbsp fresh squeezed lemon juice, 1-2 tbsp grade B maple syrup & 95,000 HU (about 1/10 tsp if you use the powder or 2.5 pills). You need to drink no less than 6 & no more than 12 servings a day. If you decide to use the pills like me you MAY want to take them ONE AT A TIME… otherwise it feels like Satan himself has come down from the pits of hell to light little bonfires in your stomach. All bad.

Each day of the Master Cleanse starts out with a sea salt flush. I will not play you. This part sucks salty water balls. You take 32 oz of the warmest tap water you can drink & mix it with 2 tsp of sea salt & drink. Make NO plans for at least a hour & stay near a toilet. Because there is no fiber in your diet during the Master Cleanse & your body is collecting toxins, you have to force their release… this is what the sea salt does. Usually your body pushes what registers as liquid into your bladder, but since the salty water is the same density as your blood, it pushes it into your stomach, colon & thru your small & large intestine… and RIGHT back out. TRUST ME. When you feel ANY kind of pressure, GO TO THE BATHROOM. Prepare your servings of the lemonade for the day. Don’t make a huge batch ahead of time. Lemon juice is most effective when its freshly squeezed.

The smooth move tea is to be consumed before bed each night… it helps your body to start preparing for the sea salt.

In addition to your 6-12 servings of lemonade, you can have equal amounts of water. You can also have unsweetened peppermint and green tea (limit it to about 1/2 of the amount of your lemonade consumption).

There is A LOT of information out there on the Master Cleanse… check out http://themastercleanse.org/ & here are a few fun facts:

Stanley Burroughs invented the Master Cleanse in 1941

Lemons are the richest source of vitamins & minerals of any of the foods known to man

I’ve heard that when you get LASIK eye surgery, your vision is temporarily worsened post-op… then it gets better. Way better. February 25, 2010… One year ago today, God began LASIK eye surgery on my life.

Sometimes you have to experience something uncomfortable to be better. I suffered a little… & my [...]]]>

I’ve heard that when you get LASIK eye surgery, your vision is temporarily worsened post-op… then it gets better. Way better. February 25, 2010… One year ago today, God began LASIK eye surgery on my life.

Sometimes you have to experience something uncomfortable to be better. I suffered a little… & my vision is not 100% clear but everyday it is improving & I am thankful for the things I am able to see that I once couldn’t. Things that were once blurry are becoming more defined & I’m even beginning to see some I didn’t even know were there. I’m thankful & excited. God is good.

I’ve been blessed to have a lot of hair. I’ve had it all of my life & I realize that I take it for granted. There are people with hair that they adore that lose it to cancer treatments, skin conditions & various diseases… & with it goes their self-cofidence & often their self-esteem as well.

And then there is me… head full of long, thick hair that I hardly comb & always complain about. I realized that I have taken for granted what God has given me. I figured if I am not going to appreciate it then I should give it to someone that will. On my 30th birthday, June 12, 2012, I will shave my head. BALD. Like with a razor. I’m donating it to Locks of Love.

I lived 23 years on God’s green Earth as plain ole Cristal. No nickname. No frills… until one day I got casted on a little unknown reality show called Flavor of Love and this washed up rapper called me “Serious” amongst the fruits and otherwise rude and degrading nicknames he gave [...]]]>

(written October 27, 2007)

I lived 23 years on God’s green Earth as plain ole Cristal. No nickname. No frills… until one day I got casted on a little unknown reality show called Flavor of Love and this washed up rapper called me “Serious” amongst the fruits and otherwise rude and degrading nicknames he gave my showmates.

In this crazy industry, I laugh at the names that many these “entertainers” call themseleves. Honestly, models, calling yourself any kind of barbie, black or otherwise is WACK. The two first name thing is WACK… only drag queens have names like “Cristal Adrianna”… so if you don’t have a penis AND breast implants, you really need to kill yourself for that shit. The only “entertainers” that are second to “models” naming themselves dumb shit (don’t yall love my quotation marks when I use the word loosely??? LOL) are “rappers”. I can’t even BEGIN to tell you how corny you are… really.

Now there is nothing wrong with a nickname, but there is SO much in a name. It DEFINES who you are. What you call yourself AND/OR your company or business… even on your MYSPACE page means soooo much.

For instance, when Tyra Banks first started America’s Next Top Model, the company she operated under was “Ty-Ty Baby”… sounds like a joke, right? Thats because it was. No one, including Ms. Banks expected a low budget reality show to turn into the multi-million dollar, rating phenomenon it is today. By the second season of the show, she changed the name of her company to “Bankable Productions”… which we can all agree sounds a little more… hmmmm… BANKable…

Second thing is, “entertainers” have these nicknames, and alternate personalities to go with them. Beyonce says that in real life she is shy so when she is on stage she is ‘Sasha’, Ludacris is a wild ass rapper but Christopher Bridges is a father, activist, and Oscar nominated actor… this seems to work so I am all for it, but what happens when you begin to love your alternate personality and not yourself? So many of us love the imaginary people we have created in our heads but cant look in the mirror at the muthafucka that wipes the ass of the body that the ficticious muthafucka lives in. So many of us fall in love with peoples alternative personalities and cant deal with the real deal. So many of us are loved by the real personality of people and disregarded by the alternate nigga which would be fine if so many people didnt operate most of their lives as the person they have decided to be instead of the person they are.

“Who do you love… ME… or the THOUGHT of me?” ~John Mayer “Trust Myself”

All in all, we have got to learn to love ourselves, the person that came out of our mother’s crotches on our birthday. Until then, our alter egos and the alter egos of other muthafuckas are going to eat us alive. You were made you for a reason, and believe it or not, that person is good enough, or at least will be when you start believing in them.

Remember taping up the little part of the underside of the tape so you could “dub” over it?

Remember stalking songs on the radio to tape them?

Remember making a tape for someone & just that simple they’d know how you [...]]]>

Remember the days of the mixtape?

Remember taping up the little part of the underside of the tape so you could “dub” over it?

Remember stalking songs on the radio to tape them?

Remember making a tape for someone & just that simple they’d know how you felt?

PLEASE— WITH ME, welcome its return.

“I used to think that love was so silly… something that a girl like me never dreamed of… it was never for me, no not really… but there was not a guy that was special enough… until you came and made me so happy like a child on Christmas Day… I was so anticipating… and I didn’t know I could ever feel this way…”

TRACK ONE: Love Saw It- BabyFace & Karen White

“When I feel what I feel… sometimes its hard to tell you so… you may not be in the mood to learn what you think you know… There are times when I find you want to keep yourself from me… when I don’t have the strength, I’m just a mirror of what I see… but at your best, you are love…”

TRACK TWO: At Your Best- Aaliyah (yes I know it was a remake)

“If I should stay… I would only be in your way… so I’ll go… but I know… I’ll think of you… every step of the way…”