Send me email updates about messages I've received
on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.By signing up, you certify that
you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.

My husband is driving me crazy

I have been with my husband for about 9 yrs we met when I was 18 and been together ever since. We have two beautiful children, in the past I know that he cheated. About two years ago I cheated with a past lover and got caught. It has been two years and he has no trust at all in me. He text me asking me what I am doing. Calls me all the time. I can not wear whatever i want like leggings is out of the question. If I go food shopping always asking me if anyone approached me. I want to spend the rest of my life with him but I need a little room to breath.

my sister is in the same situation. but in her case she can not talk to any one look at any one. but she has never cheated on him. he is the one always cheating. he still is. he is into all kids of bad things. and she has to kids. i told her that she needed to make up her mind about him bc its hurting the kids too. so i honestly dont know.

Since the 2 of you have decided to reconcile and stay together after infidelity.

What steps have the two of you taken to:

1) rectifty and address not only all the issues/problems that stem from the cheating... but also any and all issues/problems (no matter how big or small) that existed in the relationship before the cheating.

2) what efforts have the two of you put into rebuilding your marriage? Trust is a basic foundation of a relationship. Without it, the entire relationship is on unstable ground.. What efforts have you been putting into your relationship in order to start rebuilding the trust the was lost.. And him to since you said he has cheated as well?

Well, hate to say it but you brought it on yourself. In your defense though, if he wasn't going to be able to move on from this and start anew then he should have just left. Also.. it isn't right that you used the fact that HE cheated in the past as a way to justify what YOU did. Sounds like you haven't moved on from his mistakes either. I'd get some counselling or just lay it all out on the line with each other and come to an agreement to put the past behind you. If neither one of you can do that, then the relationship will never work.

maybe you need to point out he cheated on you first and you have forgiven him and trusted him again so he needs to do the same with you, if not then its always gonna be like this, just one thing dont wanna sound rude but how often do you have sex with him and is it like it used to be when you first got together, reason i ask is cos im having troubles as well n sex isnt the same anymore

Really? You brought this on yourself. You cannot use what he's done as a mistake to make your mistake seem justified. It's wrong either way and you both need to address any and all issues in order for you to move on.

I think if you want to stay together then maybe you should try counceling. It sounds like there are still trust issues and you need to work on them. If he is not interested in doing this then I would try and talk to him yourself. See if you can get him to talk about what is going on and how he feels. Let him know how you feel and how you need a little bit of space. Be honest with him and ask him to be honest with you.