Friday, June 9, 2006

Mrs. McFeely's Weekly Squeeze

Edit: Note added below...

I've really got to step up this Weekly Squeeze business. Because we've got somewhere over 80 links now, I think, and if I keep doing Love-In profile posts (squeezes. And yes, these would be butt squeezes. I'm dirty that way, with people I like) at a rate of one per week, with random weeks taken off for travelling and wallowing in existential despair, it will take years to profile them all. Years. And by then you will all have tired of me, or of blogging, or both, and then my squeezes will fall on numb butts and then where will we be?

(OK, dropping tired references to asses. But I grew tired of writing about penises. And asses are just around the corner, and, so, easy to find.)

(STOPPING NOW.)

(Really.) (Hey. Wanna see a penis-sized carrot?)

I am so tired. I cannot be held accountable for what I write today. Do not operate heavy machinery; do not blog.(Must blog! Am Mrs. McFeely! And am falling behind on my squeezes!)

Where was I? Right - you all might tire of me (do I never stop talking about me?) or of blogging. Which brings me to today's squeeze: Beanie Baby's wonderful embrace of her favorite bloggers. Which came with a twist: she wrote it while feeling deeply ambivalent about blogging and bloggers. While thinking through her concerns about blog politics.

Which is very much in the air these days, and seems to have been for some time. Kristen wrote a thought-provoking post yesterday, in response to an excellent post by Izzy, about the pressures of blog social norms and, in particular, comment etiquette. Scarbie wrote last month about her frustration at not being able to - and not really wanting to - keep up with the seeming demands of blog socializing, demands that sometimes seem necessary if one is keep one's blog in the social stream. And many others have been murmuring their own frustrations: cliquey, exclusive, demanding. (Those of you who have written about this, could you leave links to your posts in the comments? I've read some really good ones in the last month or two but can't remember, in my current fog of exhaustion, where I read them. Terrible, I know, forgive me - but if you send me the links I'll update this post with those links.)

“Popularity. Who would have thought it still had currency among thirty-something mothers, especially thirty-something mothers who don't even know each other? The whole thing has been getting me down lately, and I've tried--and failed--to write posts about it on three separate occasions.”

But in lieu of her 'blog politics' post, she jumped in on the Love-In, and positioned her thoughts on such politics as a segue to an ode to bloggers she likes. Kim, Tanya, Moreena, Mystery Mommy, Jen/MUBAR, Marla, Dani, Jen/Under the Ponderosas, Casey, Yankee Transplant and Running 2Ks, were and are, for Beanie Baby (and anyone who reads them) antidotes to blog politics. Bloggers that, for one or two or six reasons or another, have given her something worth coming back for. Warmth, good humour, intelligence. Friendship, real and virtual.

Which was the whole point of this whole Love-In thing. Bring y'all everybody all together. Feel the love. Let the sun shine.

(WARNING: navel gazing ahead.)

But I have to admit, when I saw Scarbie's post, I thought, oh god she's talking about bloggers like me. And when I saw Beanie Baby's - same thing. I am freakishly rah-rah about mommy blogging. I am the ultimate uncool blogger.

Am I - I thought - the Tracy Flick of mommy bloggers? C'mon everybody - I have an excellent activity. Sign up here! I'll make the banners! (Like me like me like me!)I worried about this for a while. And when I thought about opening up the basement, I worried some more. They will think that I am a shameless popularity whore.But then I go back to Beanie's post, and read again about how much she likes her blogger friends. And see again how happily she embraced embracing them, and how that embrace really is an antidote to blog politics. And I feel a bit better.

I do want to be liked. (Oh god do I.) I love that people other than my husband and mother read this blog. But I don't do stuff like this to be liked. Not entirely. I do it because I like you. And because I want to make as much space as possible for these friendships. Because I want to keep these friendships alive - those that I participate in, and those that I don't. Because after more than a decade of seeing/experiencing/studying the failings of community and politics, I'm experiencing a community that is mostly successful. Not perfect. But pretty good.

33 Comments:

You know, people actually do tell me that I look like Meryl Streep. I just can't get the Polish accent down.

And WHAT is UP with that CARROT!!!!!???!!!!! That ain't no penis size I've ever seen! Honestly, this is what I come here for. The vegetable porn.

I don't know from the politics of blogging. I just like to read good writing, even if it's done by the quiet girl with a thick glasses and the weird carrot juice stains on her...socks. You will always be cool - just keep on being you. In big doses or in small...I'll keep coming back.

I" ve recently found myself so involved with the blogging that I don't feel grounded in my "real life". But wait, all this stuff I'm writing and reading and the connections I'm making ARE real life. At least they feel like it. I've caught a bit of grief lately from my friends (in the flesh) that they are feeling forsaken by my virtual friends...hmmm. Well, perhaps I have abeen a little "taken" by you all, capticated by your charms, led to drink the Kool-Aid and all that.I'm not looking forward to any of the inner-blog politics. Since I'm fairly new, I haven't really seen it rear it's ugly head. And I think I could live without seeing it.

Anyway, it's a strange world, virtually or not and I'll tell you what, you can't keep me away from your blog, Miss Flick.

me too. I second everything you've said. I'm a total "let's-all-get-along-yayyyy!" kinda girl. er, nerd. whatever. but I have also felt a similar compulsion to discuss the ole weirdness of blogitics. I guess I'll link to it, but I feel sorta embarrassed. ehhh. whatever.

http://i-obsess.typepad.com/i_obsess/2006/05/exile_on_blog_s.html

did I mention, I love you, HBM?? 'cause, I do. and I don't give a flying fuck if that makes anyone think I'm kissing ass/being a comment whore/etc. etc. etc.

On the sidebar issue - mine does that sometimes, I discovered it's because either the main panel or the sidebar has become too wide, sometimes because the template has changed when I've been fiddling, and sometimes when a url(link) I have added to the sidebar was too wide to fit the template measurements.

I love Mrs. McFeeley. She is like my own set of cliff notes for what has been going on. I've been enjoying the lovely weather, but today it is raining, so I'll try to be a better blogger :)

There are SO many quality blogs out there, but I just haven't got the time to visit them all. I certainly try to return comments. If I don't like what someone has written, I try to keep that to myself. I like the love and am so happy when people like Lucinda and Beast Mom get newspaper columns.

Hmm, when IS your column coming? I read Anrdea Gordon sometimes, but seriously HBM- YOU need to have a column too!

I wrote once about my struggle overthe line between private and public that all bloggers have to face. It's here . I'd say that falls in the blog politics category. it certainly tempers the socializing.

And Tracy Flick- Ahhh, that was good for a belly laugh.

I was mommy of the week once. I was nominated a bazillion times first.

And of course we all dig good feedback: readership, comments, links - all that stuff. None of us are whores. If someone is even THINKING about flinging dirt at you for these good ideas you conceive, then they just don't get it. Too bad for them.

For the record, I think you are a very nice blogger who seems quite genuine. I don't see you as a "shameless populatity whore" at all. And I did vote for you for CHBM MOTW last week. SO deal with it! :)

Oh, and that carrot pic....wow.

Oh and one more thing, regarding your template, it looks fine to me and I'm in IE. But if you're still having problems it may be that in one of your posts you had a line of text that was too long across the page and thus kicked the sidebar down to the bottom of the site. Go check previous posts to see if that could be the case. That happened to me a while back. Good luck!

LOVE the newest entries. I have been out of the loop while adjusting to my new improved(?) schedule of wake up, eat cereal, feed baby, go to gym come home, be-too-tired-from-working-out-to-do-jack-crap, and go to sleep.

How weird is it to end up apologizing for liking people, and, worse, liking people who like you back!!! Um, is there something wrong with that? Sheesh.

Your carrot porn reminds me of a time a few years back when I was single. My girlfriend, also single, and I were making dinner together one evening, and as she peeled the carrot - one just about that size, because I live in Ontario, too - she starts snickering.

I look at that thing in her hand, and she doesn't have to explain. I know.

I'm not sure which of us said it: "You know you've been single too long when a carrot makes you horny..."

And I agree with all you said. When I think about it, I do want to be popular. I remember being in school as a teen and wishing more than anything to be popular. Every now and then I think I've finally outgrown my desire for popularity, and then something like a new circle of friends (or blogging) comes along and suddenly I feel all sweaty and want to throw myself out there for everyone. Like me, like me, like me!

Luckily, I try not to make too big a fool of myself, and reign in my crazy-girl tendancies before everyone rolls their eyes at me and walks away.

This is wonderful. I responded to the same line as Izzy. I never expected there to be politics here (suprise!) when I started writing.

I have seen my name removed from blogrolls when I didn't reciprocate, I have seen bloggers stop commenting because I don't comment on their site all the time. I just shrug. I'm only one person and I've got a full-time job and a website to boot. It's hard to be a really empathetic person in the blog world because you want to make everyone happy. But you just can't. You can only do your best.

Loads of guilt, as I am still working on my post for the great mommy love in. It'll get done. I swear.

Like Mom-101, I am constantly surprised by the politics of blogging and commenting. Just know that I love you even if I can't constantly comment. (Sanity prevents me from sitting at my Mac all day long...)

And dearie, that carrot...

It's making me hungry and making me miss my husband all at the same time. Dear Lord, what is wrong with me?

I never write about blogging or blog politics, because I'm just not interested in the drama. I like lots of people who blog (a lot more of them than I could ever have time to read regularly, in fact), and of course I like it when people like me. But over all, I just don't think about it too much.

I do LOVE to read posts like this and others like it, so that I can learn how to not inadvertenly behave like a blog bitch. Because seriously, there are kind of a lot of blog rules and regulations that I've only recently learned about!

I'm so slow to respond. Always running after the crowd and going "what did she say?" but here I am none the less. Okay first off: Bump Daddy said "what does her husband look like?" because that is SOME carrot. Second: I like people to like me but I've had some trouble navigating this sea of blogstuff. I dont' just comment for the sake of commenting BUT I do comment when someone makes me think, laugh, feel better or in the rare event, feel bad. I don't usually have a lot of time to comment because Bumper does not afford me that time, but Bump Daddy did me a favour and moved a computer into the living room that I can reach (kinda) while breastfeeding. So I leave lame typed-with-one-hand comments around the world and dream of my lame posts during some of the marathon feeds that Bumper enjoys. OK I'm getting lost in my point now and Bumper is trying to stand up against the laundry basket which has so many potential dangers I can't even begin to imagine the worst one. So I leave you with this: you are not Tracey Flick and I'd weep if you weren't there. So screw the rules and regulations. If you are on my blogroll, I love you, if you aren't then I just haven't had time to update my template. Seriously. I love making and meeting new friends and you've made my life richer. And it's all about me. Isn't it? Oh wait. I wasn't supposed to type that last part...

I totally understand what you are saying. On the other side, I have been blogging for over a year now and it seems like no one reads my posts. It's hard to break into the "blogging world". Sometimes it feels like I am the overweight nerdy kid trying to become frinds with the popular people in high school.

that was a great post, BdMthr. This whole blog politics thing has got me very fascinated too--and so much of what people say echoes for me too. I feel the pressure and the ambivalence at times too, and I know if I were home more without this job to pull me from the blog, I would be very much sucked into the vortex--because sometimes it does feel like a vortex. I've backed off a bit, but then, so have my stats. But now I am OK with that--I am getting what I need out of the blog (for now) and have tried to ween myself from the self-validation drug that is the comments section. I LOVE comments, but it DOES take work to keep that ticker going--and sometimes I have to think about whether that kind of anxiety is worth it for me (I am big attention whore who desperately wants to be liked too). I don't use the blog as a journal (something I might bitch about in the basement sometime) and so my posts tend to be less frequent. But I enjoy writing them!

Oh, and lady--I like you shitloads. Out of everyone on bloggysphere, I feel I have most in common with you. The love of carrot-willies, the academic angst, the wanting to be liked, and good humor. Yeah (hear squeaking kissing sounds as I plant one on your arse, lady).

I haven't been reading you for that long, but I have to say that I love what you are doing. You have fresh ideas and it seems like you really care about this community of mommy bloggers. So I salute you and all the other moms out there who are writing just to write, trying to figure it all out. You go girl!!!