Lists

Top 20 things an Arab woman won’t tell you

3. No matter how much I like you, I’m going to judge you based on what my friends think because: a. I have low self-esteem like that and b. why would i date you if it didn’t make my friends jealous?

4. The more you tell me how beautiful you think I am, the less I’ll believe it – because after a while your opinion doesn’t count.

5. I am THAT kind of girl.

6. The only reason I’m marrying you is because it’s socially unacceptable to have children out of wedlock.

7. I’ll start learning how to cook once you put that ring on my finger. And my years of inexperience in the kitchen will surely be reflected in the taste of my meals.

8. My Arab hips may look sexy now, but after my first child they’ll triple in size and you’ll never think about having sex with me again without dry-heaving first.

9. My mom’s an asshole and she’s likely to move in with us and live off of your income.

10. If I let myself go, my mustache grows in thicker than yours.

11. You know how I told you that my hymen broke while riding a bike? That’s not true. (Tarboush Tip: This one is dedicated to those Arab women that date obnoxious, stuck-up, insecure Arab men that actually care about whether or not their partner is a virgin.)

12. When I ask for your help, I don’t really want it; I’m just testing you to see how quickly you’ll respond.

13. It’s not that I think you’re lying; it’s that I don’t trust you, period.

14. Even though I may have no clue what I want, I expect you to anticipate every single one of my needs and desires.

15. If I haven’t already, I will take up smoking – and eventually smell and sound like an old car mechanic.

16. I can’t stand your mother’s tea/makloobah.

17. My parents never really liked you and they probably never will.

18. At haflas, I will dance with any man I please just to make you jealous.

19. I will skim money out of our children’s tuition fund to pay for extensive plastic surgery.

20. When we’re in bed together, all I can think about is Hassan Nasrallah.