5 Things to Demand When Trapped in a Mine

1. a 2-4 of Vitamin Water. Lemonade steez. That shit is healthy and zesty as a lemon soaked in spoo(censored). Plus, I do enjoy those witty write-ups on the label.

2. My Superbowl edish La-Z-boy, son. When you’re stuck in some dank cave for weeks on end, man’s GOTTA kick his feet back and relax. Aint never gonna be another time when no one expects shit from you.

3. Snuggie, doodles and doodlettes. Nothing says stuck in a hole with nothing to live for better than a blanket with MAD sleeves. Plus, you’ll look like a hella cool monk.

4. iPod Nano- Silver. Cuz even when the air is stale, your beats will be fresh. Think about this, you’re struggling to get your breathe on, but you ask your cave-bro if he’s heard that sick new Kanye track. Chances are he hasn’t and now you’re the COOL fucking hipster mine guy.

5. A journal to log each day’s struggles and challenges. And also to wipe your butt with.