You definitely need to work on you proportion(s), shading(s), detailing(s) and so on. You just started, so it's obvious you're not going to be the world's greatest Artist right off the bat. But it's never too early to start practicing a lot more.

Take a look at many different pictures. Both real people, and cartoons. (By cartoons, I mean: Anime, children cartoons, and such like that) to learn how other people draw their Art, and learn to define a specific style. Look at stuff, and try to draw it by looking at it. Tracing also wouldn't hurt to help you learn.

Also do this, to help you. Look at your hand that you don't draw with (obviously). Draw that hand as you see it. Keep it as still as possible. Do not move it. Try to draw every detail you can possibly see. Shade it as you see it, as well.

Shading wise, look at how the lights hit and effects it's environment. Practice drawing how you see lighting hitting different objects.Also to help me when shading, I rub on what I shade with a piece of paper, to smooth it out. This will clean up your picture a pretty good percent more.

Also when drawing, do not press down too hard on your pencil. Try for a good, fluid, solid line when drawing your lines.

Working on another story other than Hellfire, called Geistauge, which can be found here.

Why did you post in art?So you could show everyone your faults and expect them to like it?Or did you come here to learn your faults and grow as an artist?I've told you what you need to grow if you want to you can follow my advice or you can stay in ignorance.