Big ideas are what successful business is all about. Each week, Alexandra Cain takes a look at anything and everything to help your business shoot the lights out.

Sometimes I feel really sorry for blokes. In my book, there are few things as inappropriate in the workplace as their female co-workers getting ‘the girls’ out. In an office, you’re often working in close confines. So where are men – and, really, anyone confronted by such a sight – supposed to look?

Yes, this week, we’re going to take a look at my top ten office clothing malfunctions.

The first, as we’ve already copped an eyeful of, is the women who deem it appropriate to have their breasts on display in the office. It might be fine at home or at a nightclub, but in the office, they need to be contained.

Muffin tops. Appropriate office attire, in my opinion, requires you to be completely clothed from chest to knee. Exposing a cheeky bit of midriff flesh is simply unprofessional. If you must get your gut out, do it on your own time.

Jangly bling. I once worked in an office where the boss’s EA wore so much junk jewellery, you could hear her coming from the other side of the building. It’s up to you what you wear, but if your banging bangles distract people from their work, it’s time for a re-think.

Clothes that are too tight. This one’s for both genders. Everyone puts on a little weight from time to time. If you’re carrying a few more kegs since you last went shopping for work attire, maybe it’s time to re-invest. I’m especially thinking about women whose shirts are too tight, so from the side you can’t help but notice a greying bra beneath the straining buttons. I’m also thinking about guys in too-tight trousers. Leave a little to the imagination, for goodness sake.

Bandaid skirts. If you have to pull your skirt down when you sit down or risk being mistaken for Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, your skirt’s too short. Ditto thigh splits in skirts. Fine at a cocktail bar, completely inappropriate at the office.

Thongs. Both types. I may be conservative, but closed-toe shoes are the most suitable office footwear. (Also I think in most corporate offices, if you’re wearing a skirt, wear pantyhose.) Save your strappy sandals for the beach. Ditto the other type of thong. No-one needs to see your whale tail, ladies.

Shoes you cannot walk in. I’m as much of a fan of tarty high heels as anyone. But not in the office. Mid-height heels, please, not skyscrapers. Thigh-high leather boots also fit in the ‘shoes that should not set foot inside an office’ category. As do Crocs and Uggs.

Leggings. Also ‘jeggings’ (combination jeans and leggings). Leggings are for the gym, not for the office.

Jeans. Look, I know many workplaces allow jeans, especially creative businesses. And they might be OK if you’re not meeting clients. But surely it’s hard to get into a work mindset if you’re slouching around in jeans? And what happens if you have to unexpectedly go to a meeting?

Playsuits. I can’t believe I have to even write this, but I came across someone wearing a short playsuit in an office the other day. It’s hard to take someone seriously if they are in a playsuit – the name says it all. I don’t care how fashionable they may be.

Ultimately, what you wear in your workplace sends a message about the type of person you are at work. If you keep a neat, clean appearance, people will trust you to do your job, and will give you responsibility. No-one ever got a promotion to a senior role in a playsuit, and I doubt they ever will.

Of course, if you work alone at home, who cares what you wear? Today is Work in the Nude Day, so knock yourself out. There's an obvious joke there, but I'm not going to make it...

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What do you think are the most heinous office attire blunders?

Next week ... I'm toying with doing a 'worst office secret Santa' post. If you have a great story to tell me about an horrendous secret Santa experience, email me at acain@fairfaxmedia.com.au.

234 comments so far

I like your comments about appropriate dress and low cut tops. But it doesn't stop women from filing career destroying complaints for having a glance. Men are going to cop it either way - if he doesn't look she thinks "i hate him because he thinks i am fat and unattractive " and if he does look he is a pervert.

Commenter

Loretta

Location

Tranquility Base

Date and time

December 06, 2013, 6:47AM

This is just nonsense. I cant believe thr tripe the AGE publishes these days. Who cares what a woman wears to work, i hope she feels attractive and comfortable. I hope everyone in her workplace notices the contribution she makes prior to noticing whether she's got 'the girls out'.This is junk. Total junk.

Commenter

Atitagain

Date and time

December 06, 2013, 10:06AM

+1 totally agree

Commenter

Rusty

Location

Melbourne

Date and time

December 06, 2013, 10:31AM

No it is not junk. It is about being appropriate. Unfortunately you don't seem mature enough to understand.

Commenter

wsDK_II

Location

Melbourne

Date and time

December 06, 2013, 10:38AM

I red that first comment as being from 'a tit again'. How apt. :p

Commenter

Not PC

Location

cyberspace

Date and time

December 06, 2013, 10:49AM

Very sensible article. Could mention various TV presenters.

Commenter

oldman obe

Location

ballarat

Date and time

December 06, 2013, 11:15AM

I agree. If you are happy show some 'skin' or 'shape', it is okay for other to look. Complaining about 'glancing' or adjusting to indicate that they are feeling uncomfortable. It should be expected and allowed without creating an uncomfortable environment where you need to make an effort to avoid looking at that direction.

Commenter

Jay

Location

Sydney

Date and time

December 06, 2013, 11:40AM

Atitagain - What a stupid and naive comment. If you wear something that is better suited for a night out on the town and it leaves little to the imagination, don't get your nose out of joint if you aren't taken seriously and you cop distasteful comments.

Commenter

Kev

Date and time

December 06, 2013, 11:50AM

A tit

I hope everyone in her workplace notices the contribution she makes

What does this mean are you so rabid as to believe that every woman in the work placeshould have adulation heaped on her for her contribution . What if she makes no bigger or less a contribution than her male colleagues. I have worked with women who looked all flash in the workplace but were essentially incompetent do we praise them for their contribution as well?

Commenter

Beth

Date and time

December 06, 2013, 11:51AM

Heck yes, I uses to work with one woman who's "assets" were always on display and half falling out of her shirt, later after I had left the company I heard she had accused some poor sod of sexual harassment and lost him his job, gee I wounder how that happened. Nothing worse than a woman who is continually on parade then slaps some poor bloke who actually takes the bait, makes me more than a little sick.