THE TOUGH TWENTIES

One thing that my twenties have given me is a thicker skin. I used to crave approval from my peers and falling out with friends would cripple me. Now? Any time spent worrying about other people makes ME the arsehole. Because only an arsehole would let people affect their life negatively, right? When life gives you pricks, put up your dukes… it’s go time.

To the boss…
Who keeps trying to get in my way. I’m not sure what it is about me that intimidates you so much… but the more you try to sabotage, the harder I’ll work. You and your fugly court shoes can away and shite.

To the PT…
Who keeps flirting during your session. Oh hun, no — I’m here for one reason and one reason only. To be a better version of myself… aka to look hot as fuck aka to be able to run back to the checkout when I’ve forgotten the philadelphia without dying aka to fit back into those skinny jeans aka NOT TO COP OFF WITH YOU.

To the friend…
Who doesn’t support me. Somehow, somewhere, this relationship has turned into a one way road. With a toll bridge. And a fuckload of traffic lights. Some friendships come to an end naturally, but some race away from us when we least expect it. Which can be hurtful – but that’s OK. Any of my friendships that have suffered the same fate have never been missed a day longer than they needed to be. Move on, move up, find yourself some ride or dies.

To the voice…
In my head. The biggest prick of all. You’ll make me question my abilities, shine a light on my insecurities and keep happiness on a short leash. You’ve had your fun, but just remember – I know where you live.