12 January 2010

What was that... he blogged?

Getting into a serious bout of daily exercise is a daily obsession that usually helps all kinds of things. The tennis of the weekend, however, has my shoulders and forearms hurting and the bike ride yesterday paid me back today with cracked and (ugh) bleeding knuckles, ears, nose and lips. Haven't ever gone that far in that kind of cold, and didn't have a riding partner to suggest more sensible methods of getting the exercise. So I read for eight hours today (<3 Dickens), but every time I got up or talked to someone - something else didn't go right. S'pose it's possible that each of you has had similar days so the details and the ughs will just go unmentioned.

It's odd, but almost with the turning of the calendar page, I lost the ability to perceive things with "usual" clarity, too. I commenced to ask myself more and more and more questions. Fortunately, it's not the first time that I've had my mind go into hyperdrive; Otherwise, I might be completely unsettled.

It's almost as though I have too much time free to discover details on every little occurrence and attempt to place it's significance. She, we, they, them, did, had, loved, because....

I'm not supposed to be here.... Is what I've heard myself saying to myself since last Friday. Dunno if you recall (or even were aware that) I'd planned a trip to Italy in the fall and the trip "went on without me" this week. Dwelling on the past doesn't happen much in my head, but focusing in little bits on each day of what was to have been a reward for doing well in the fall... keeps popping in throughout the day. I've been unable to get the replacement trip planned (good way to divert) and my communications have just been getting worse and worse as these cold winter days in 2010 each pass. I think that I may have lost a friend right after Christmas, too, and probably a few more in the months before that. Friends come back, though, or I go to them.

School starts up again next Tuesday and I've been preparing to put some direction into place on several agenda items. Wishing now that I'd been able to plan better for what might have happened this week - you know... if I were here instead of there....

4 comments:

"it's odd, but almost with the turning of the calendar page, I lost the ability to perceive things with "usual" clarity, too."

Christ ric, you stole my thoughts,circumstances,ideas on that one.I agree, it's the same with me.I figured through your mail that the Italy thing did quite a draw back to your mood, your posts have been reflecting that.

Ric,I don't know when or how, but it's true and take my word, however of a mess someone is in, it has to end with time.Yes,Cliched, very. I know.But it's true man,take care okay? :)