10 Ways to Improve Your Marriage

Now, by writing this post, I am in no way stating I have a perfect marriage, pointing fingers or saying you should take my advice. These are things that work in my life and if they can encourage you, that is my purpose. Marriage is something you have to work at everyday. I am young. I am still learning so much about being married. Erik and I have been married 3 years. I am extremely proud of the relationship we have.

I believe marriage is something holy, sacred and should be cherished. Marriage is taken so lightly in today’s society. Couples move in together, get married, affairs here, affairs there, get divorced, families torn apart, kids lives and world’s shaken. I do not think marriage is something that should be taken so lightly. Blunt, yes. Honest opinion, absolutely.

It’s not a give & take type of bond or game that you share with someone. I have learned {in these 3 short years} if you both want the other person to be truly happy and you strive to make that happen everyday, you cannot fail.

Here are 10 ways to improve your marriage:

Prayer. When we were getting married, my grandparents told me to always put God first in our marriage. I believe this with all of my being. Before you get married, pray. Before you buy a home, pray. Before you make big decisions together, pray. Small decisions? Pray. Before you go to sleep, pray! I pray for my husband every night. I pray for his job, safety, family, his relationship with God, mindset, and for us. Prayer will always get you through tough times, but pray in the good times too. Keep God center of your marriage and He will guide you, together.

Communication. I tell Erik everything. Do I drive him crazy? Yes, most likely. We make our plans and decisions together. If something is bothering me, I tell him. Ladies, if you haven’t figured it out already, men are NOT mind readers. It’s so much better to talk it out than to bottle it up and end up walking out. Do not let situations escalate when you could have set time aside to communicate. No matter how big or small the topic is, always talk things through with your spouse.

Listen. It’s comforting to know you have someone else to bear your burdens, share your happiness, carry your worry, and listen to your thoughts. Sometimes all it takes is silence. When Erik gets home I want to know all about his day, the good and the bad. This is something I work at everyday. I love giving my two cents. I am learning to listen and give him my full attention more {I’m still working on this one}.

Support. When you believe in your spouse and let them know they have your support, it makes your relationship that much stronger. Erik has listened to me babble on about my dreams and future. Sometimes, as big as they seem, they feel that much closer knowing I have his support. A lot of my clients wonder how I enjoy going to horse shows, clinics, and spending countless afternoons at the barn. It’s because I support my husband and it brings me joy seeing him do something he loves. Instead of thinking about self, think about your spouse and marriage first.

Commitment. When I married Erik I vowed in front of God, all of our friends and family that only death would do us part. I meant that with all of my being. When you enter into marriage, your mindset and heart needs to be completely clear and committed. I made a promise that no matter what, we would make it work. Sometimes in order to do this, you have to put your selfish desires aside. You should never lose sight of the commitment you made with your spouse; whether you’re on the mountain top or in the valley, always be there for each other.

Choose your battles wisely. I learned early on not to “nitpick.” In the grand scheme of marriage, dirty socks left on the floor and the toilet seat left up are nothing compared to 50 years of marriage. It’s not worth arguing and ruining your night over dirty socks? Really though.

Find happiness in the little things. It doesn’t take a dozen roses or candlelit dinner to make me happy. Reminding myself of our blessings, coming home to a peaceful marriage, going out for breakfast, talking about our day, sitting in church together makes me happy. It’s so easy to scroll through Pinterest or watch a movie and have false expectations of a real life marriage. Always try to find happiness in your marriage everyday. Do not compare you and your spouse’s relationship to anyone else’s. Be your own kind of happy.

Attention. Life is busy. Life is messy. A lot of us feel like we probably work more than we are home. Especially, if you have children! Holy cow. Ballgames here, dance recitals, practices, birthday parties. There is always something to do! I’ve learned in order to give your marriage the time it needs, you cannot say yes to every invite and event. It’s impossible. There are not enough hours in the day. Erik and time spent with him is my top priority. It may be a ridiculous busy week and something simple as running an errand together. Was it fun? Well, I wouldn’t necessarily call that fun, but point is…we were together. We were able to talk, even if it’s small talk. Just being together and giving each other attention is sometimes all you need to get through a tough week.

Have fun! Bills, payments, jobs, meetings, clients, the list goes on. Life can be so serious and sometimes very stressful. We pile our plates so high, we forget to have joy. Sometimes we need to sit back, let the world keep spinning and enjoy each other! This could be going out for coffee, a mini weekend vacation, going for a drive, or just nagging Erik until he starts laughing {at least that’s what I do}. Always keep your spouse laughing and it makes the world spin a little easier. Don’t get so caught up in your “to-do” list and forget to enjoy life and your marriage.

Say, “I love you.” I don’t care if you’ve been married 3 years or 30, it took love to get you that far. Right? You got married because you love that person. Make sure they know you still do. Every week, everyday, even sometimes multiple times a day {woah}. Constantly remind your spouse of these three simple words. It needs to be sincere, genuine and from your heart. The word “love” is thrown around so frivolously today. I’m talking about the real love that you don’t necessarily have to say and profess dramatically. Our actions towards our marriage should be proving this statement daily. But still, a little “I love you” can’t hurt, right?

If your marriage is going through a tough patch, there’s always sunshine after the rain. If your marriage is rainbows and butterflies, get on your knees and thank the Lord. I hope this post encouraged you, motivated you and reminded you there’s always room for improvement {always}.