Sex and Relationships

Lately, my thoughts are all over the place. It’s been such a long time since I’ve written anything for myself. Part of this is unintentional; much of it is/was a product of my life circumstances.

I ended up dating someone (like, an actual, real relationship) for about 8 weeks and that really effed things up. I spent zero time writing for myself. I worked on a couple of things early on and then, my life revolved around a relationship I wasn’t sure I wanted.

Like this:

If you’re not new to A Little Bit Brave, you know that I’m all about me. I don’t say that to sound selfish, but instead to make a point – I am all about doing what is best for me, not making my decisions to please someone else.

Thanks to my time in Korea, I’ve learned a lot about what it means to be and feel confident. I’ve learned to appreciate and embrace my independence. Two years ago, I decided I wanted to make a statement, so I got a tattoo to represent that I was married to me:

This was something that made me feel powerful – like I could do anything and be the woman I had always dreamed of. It doesn’t mean that I absolutely never want to get married; it just means that I know I have to love myself first.

Self Love is Real

Last fall, after showing off my tat to a new friend and talking about living a single life abroad, she emailed me a video a few days later that encapsulated a lot of what I have been trying to say all along.

So much of what Ms. McMillan states is what I’ve felt for a while now. I couldn’t relate to everything, but there was one thing that stuck out more than any other: I have to love myself first.

Like this:

I’m not sure how it happened, but I recently stumbled across the amazingness that is Last Week Tonight.John Oliver, a British comedian, hosts his own show on HBO covering news stories from the past seven days.

In just two days, Oliver has taught me more about how the United States is effed up than I ever learned in all my years of school combined. And to add to it, he’s my kind of funny.

Now, I’m an American. I live “abroad,” if you will. I consider myself to be somewhat “with the times” and I try to keep up with the happenings in the Americas (and the world), including (but not limited to) presidential race candidates (kind of) and school shooting atrocities. While this is true, I was also totally unaware of many other things happening in my home country.

Everybody’s talking about the Duggars, and probably for good reason (much of the time, anyway). Just in case you’ve been living under a rock lately, here’s a link to an article detailing why the Duggars have been – yet again – in the news.

I don’t want to join the thousands of haters. I don’t want to condemn Josh Duggar for his past transgressions, though I have concerns about that, too. I don’t want to blame him for this current situation because, let’s face it, folks: he did not ask for this. Nor did his victims.

You may disagree with nearly every defense the Duggar clan has made about this whole debacle. You may absolutely hate them for a myriad of reasons. You may have supported them in the past and now, you just don’t know what to do. Whatever your current stance, I think we can agree that there were many “mistakes” made in this sad story – not just “mistakes” (a loose term in this situation, in my opinion) made by Josh, but also mistakes made by his parents, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar.

The Duggars are a hyper-conservative family and openly oppose hot topics like abortion, LGBT issues, and a slew of other things. A lot of their commentary is just downright insensitive in my opinion, though there are many who support and agree with them. They are part of something called the Quiverfull Movement, a disturbing religion-based community that places misogynistic power on childbearing, dating relationships, and of course, sex itself. You can read more about it here and about a woman’s revelations after being raised in a Quiverfull family here.

So knowing all this, and now what we know about Josh Duggar’s “mistakes” (as the family has chosen to call them), what can we say about Jim Bob and Michelle? Is it fair to accuse them of also making mistakes?

Abso-effing-lutely.

Like me, you may disagree with how the Duggar parents dealt with such a serious issue in their home. The amount of time that passed, for one, before they sought help is troubling. How they went about seeking help is also concerning. But what’s the biggest deal that no one seems to be talking about in all of this mess?

Chances are, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar never talked in detail with Josh about sex, human bodies, hormones, and all the stuff in between.

As I mentioned earlier, it’s no secret that the Duggar clan is a devout religious and conservative family. While many of their values are admirable, some of them are incredibly outdated. I would even argue that, in this day and age, their methods are archaic and a complete disservice to their children.