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Thursday, November 20, 2014

Leaving The Past Where It Belongs Can Be Difficult When Meeting Someone New

Dear Tazi:

Many years ago, when I was still young, I made some stupid
mistakes and fell in with the wrong crowd.
I used and sold drugs, and ended up in jail because of it. I have done my time and have completed my
probation, and have rebuilt my life following a straight and narrow path. I go to church, donate money to charity, and
live a quiet, middle-class life. I would
like to meet a woman to share my life with, but it seems that they are all
scared away by my past.

I now believe in always being honest, so my past is
something I mention early on when I start seeing someone new – I do not want to
be accused of keeping it secret, should a relationship develop, and I want any
relationship that develops to be based upon honesty and trust. My friends all tell me that my past is in my
past and that is where I should keep it; that my honesty is scaring women away,
but like I said, I can’t see myself building a relationship on a dishonest
foundation. Tazi, do you think there is
a woman out there who can accept me for who I am now, while forgiving me for
who I once was?

Signed,

New Leaf

Dear New Leaf:

While I congratulate you on turning your life around and
becoming a productive, law-abiding member of society, I’d like to remind you
that there is a difference between honesty and complete transparency. How much of your past are you mentioning and
how soon are you mentioning it? As
charming and successful as you may be now, I highly doubt that a woman wants to
hear about your criminal record on a first date! The chances of this revelation leading to a
second date are, as you have probably found, slim to none.

I suggest that upon meeting a new romantic interest you take
the time to get to know each other for you who are now and who you seek to become in the future. This groundwork can take several dates to
form, and will give each of you the chance to decide if you want something more
from each other. Who knows? You may decide that the woman who interested
you a few weeks ago is not your type; why would you want to reveal such
personal information about your past to someone who will not be a part of your
future?

Once you feel that a lasting connection is forming – either
romantic or platonic – the subject of both of your pasts can be brought up in
conversation. Talk to each other about
your childhoods; the morals with which you were raised; and ease into the less
comfortable subjects, explaining that your past is what encouraged you to
become the person you are today, and the past is where your poor behavior will
remain.

The great thing about pasts is that everyone has one, and
they all contain information we would rather keep to ourselves. The great thing about finding the right
person is that they love you for who you are – past and all – and still want to
be with you not in spite of your past, but because it has helped to make you
the person you are today. I wish you
much luck in your search for Miss Right!
Please let me know when you have found her!

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.