Opinionated single mum to two amazing boys! Some opinions may be popular, some not, but I will own my opinions, whether people agree or not.

Saturday, 25 February 2012

Things to say in my indoor voice

Well, really, it should be entitled "things to say in my voice that should only be used in my head."

We all have that voice. You know, the voice that comes up with those sarcastic or just down right mean things that you wish you could say but are usually not a good idea. Rarely have I used it. But I have. I've only really used it at work once, and that was two weeks ago when we were smokingly busy and a co-worker (I use the word loosely) was just wandering around. She came to chat with me. I looked at her and said what i was actually thinking "do you not have anything more productive you can be doing, rather than standing here doing nothing?" I mean, we were BUSY. We have 500 extra people in that day. Busy doesn't even describe it. And she just wanted to socialize. I wanted to shoot her in the head, except it probably wouldn't have done any damage.

Anyway, the things I want to say in my head generally revolve around one group of people. Abdullah's mother, father and sister. Ironically, the song on right now is Black Eyed Peas' Where is the Love. Well, the love from these people have never been here for me. I tried. Tried to see the good. It was very quickly brought to my attention that they weren't even going to meet a level of tolerance let alone seeing the good in me.

I guess to make things easier, I should give these people some names. So we shall name my father in law Englebert. My mother in law we shall name Gertrude. My sister in law we shall name Hortense. These people are, shall we say, downright crazy. But the true crazy has come out in the last two months.

See, it wasn't Gertrude that called CAS on me. It was Hortense. Why? Revenge. Ah yes, the old "let's call CAS and try and get the kids taken away before I'm childish enough to want revenge on a person I haven't even spoken to for the last three years" call. Seriously - even when we've been in the same room, she will not speak to me, look at me or even acknowledge the fact I'm in the room. She will get up and leave. I so love when I hold the power. I have the power to make someone leave a room without saying a single word! *insert eye roll here* But once we finally let Abdullah in on the fact that we had thought his mother was the CAS call he provided some information that confirmed that, while it came from his family, it was actually his sister. This fact did not make him any calmer than it would have had it been his mother. In fact, it was the first time we've seen any emotion out of him ever on how his family treats his wife and children. For the first time we are together on the fact that it is not in our children's best interest to have contact with his family. It's only taken nearly ten years and two stints in prison for him to figure out that what I've told him about his mother is really the truth.

But I've had this voice in my head for the last little while that just wants me to rip them all a new one. And it may not be the smartest idea in the world, but here goes:

So Englebert...you make people think you're this nice, wonderful, cheery fellow who'd never harm a fly and is just a sweet grandfather. Ha! You know what Englebert? You know what you don't know? You don't know that your son has told me a lot about how things were when he was a child. You don't know that he's told me how you used to beat the hell out of him, out of your wife, out of your daughter. You don't know that he's told me of the belittling you used to do to him. You don't know that he told me that when he attempted suicide, instead of getting him medical help (physical and psychological) he said "oh well" and sent him to school. And you also told me once that you'd do whatever it took to get my children taken away from me. You treated me as if I were stupid. And you flipped out and started screaming at me when I refused to do things your way and sell my house when Abdullah was originally arrested - and move back into a house that a) you owned and b) Abdullah wasn't even legally allowed at. Yeah, the fact that he'd have to move in with you and you'd be doing a good job at separating him from his wife and kids was not lost on me.

On to Gertrude. Ms I'll make myself look like grandmother of the year while trying to tear apart my son's family. I've had people tell me what a nice lady you are and how I'm so lucky to have you as my mother in law. All I can think is "they've obviously not seen the real you." You know - that you that denied your granddaughter until she was 12 and Hassaan was born because Hassaan had red hair. Seriously - if neither of my kids had red hair would you still be telling everyone that Abdullah's ex is a slut and that her daughter isn't Abdullah's? Even though she looks like a female, red headed, blue eyed Abdullah? Like a female older version of her youngest half sibling on either side? Or how about that time when Hammad was three months old and you told me that you were going to take him on his first time to Disney World and I said no, so you then told me that "Grandparents get to do whatever they want." Fortunately, I did then and do still have a backbone and a mouth and did notice the cat butt face when I said "you realize I'd have no problems charging you with kidnapping, and if you actually made it across the border, international kidnapping, right?" I loved also loved the fact that when I was concerned about food allergies and was slowly introducing "people food" you told me to get over it because no one in your family had food allergies. You neglected to realize that your genes only made up one quarter of my kids. My genes made up half. And I have had food allergies/sensitivities my whole life. Granted Hammad did not, but Hassaan sure did. You also told Hammad a couple of years ago - which he still remembers - that his mommy is a liar and he shouldn't believe anything that I tell him. Guess what lady - all that did was backfire in the end.

And really, Gertrude? Did you really think that calling Abdullah's parole officer and telling him that you've "got (our) divorce worked out, as well as the custody agreement so that (they) never have to see or speak to each other ever again" without actually talking to Abdullah and I about this (but then later telling Abdullah who told me) was going to fly? Oh, but then, you did because you didn't think we were talking. Guess what, lady? WE'RE TALKING. So all you did was screw yourself in more ways than I can count.

Oh and you, Hortense? You're one of the biggest, selfish, horrible, narcissistic, meanest, bitches I have ever met. And in all my travels over the years, I've met more than a few. You are, by far, the worst. You don't care about anyone other than yourself. You make sure that your son is put above all others, no matter the cost to anyone else - in this case, the other grandchildren. God forbid that my sons were treated equally with yours. But really, to call CAS on me just to spite me? What did you think was going to happen? That they were going to walk in here and say "we got a phone call about a, b, c, y and z" and they'd just automatically take my kids? You really are in a class all your own. All you managed to do was put the final nail in your family's coffin. Because see, like your mother, what you don't realize is that your brother and I are talking. So we know it was you that called. And we know that you and your parents seem to think that Abdullah's just going to jump at the chance to sign off the paperwork your mother has filled out on his behalf and move to where you all are going to be living and have the boys there where you will still have access to them. So, because of that, I'd like to make one thing clear:

Abdullah has made the decision - on his own - to come back here. He has made the (right) decision that what is in the best interest of his kids is the right thing to do, not what you think is in the best interest of the three of you. He's also made the decision - on his own - that this is the best thing for him. He also made the decision - on his own - to ask me to go to counselling with him. Which I have agreed. And we've also made the decision - together - that you all will not be having any access to our children - supervised or not - until they are at least 18 and can decide for themselves - with all the information given to them. And realize this - when told they would not be seeing you all for quite some time, they, of course, asked why. And they were given the truth. The truth in watered down form, but for the moment, they're also choosing not to see you. There were tears involved, but they weren't for not getting to see you - they were for thinking they'd never get to see their toys again. Toys I've since been able to tell them are at Daddy's house now, and not Grandma's house. So really, there is no one fighting for them to see you but you - the people who have tried to rip their family to shreds just to make you all happy. The best interest of our children, a conclusion that we came to together, is to have one set of grandparents, two uncles and two aunts. Right now, no cousins, but insha Allah someday. And maybe some day you'll all realize the damage the you created in this. Not me, not Abdullah, but - Englebert, Gertrude and Hortense - YOU.

Now, I know some people are going to say that writing this and putting it out there was a bad idea. Quite frankly, don't waste the time to post that. I'm not going to be taking it down. The court portion of all of this is over. We're allowed to talk again. And I'm allowed to air my grievances. The only people that would know all the parties in this are only a small handful. Others may know me and my family but not Abdullah's family. And a remote few (I think we're pretty close to none) know Hortense up here as she never moved up here. But these are things I have to get out of my head. I if I don't, I stew. If I stew, I don't sleep. If I don't sleep, I don't function. If I don't function, I don't do very good!

So now it's out of my head. And I'll just say if Hortense ever starts dating again (seeing as Englebert and Gertrude had an easy time convincing Hortense of how horrible her husband was (and I met him a bunch of times - he was a really nice guy. He just couldn't stand up to the psycho) and running him off) that I'd love to warn you about the crazy-psycho atmosphere you'll be walking into. Good luck on that one. You'll need it.