Friday, May 20, 2011

Disappointed...in myself.

We're having renovations done on our house. The bathroom is getting a new tub with caulkless surround and fixtures. The archway is being removed to raise the ceiling. This means that Peter won't have to slouch to take a shower anymore - yay! The kitchen is getting a new counter, sink, and fixtures. We prepared, but not to the extent that we needed to.

I won't get into all of the details here, but on Wednesday after work, I came home and just cried. There were some small things that added to it with extra holes in walls, chipped cupboards, and a cracked bathroom sink, but I guess it's just not how I thought it was going to go. I thought it was going to be the bathroom then the kitchen. Coupled with other stress and the renovations going on at work, I just had a girl moment. After that, I was fine...for the most part.

The week continued and my attitude was a constant struggle. God has really been working on me in that area. After a week which included helping a woman with 2 autistic kids, helping at church where a 12 year old girl died, and attending an event for people who can't speak without the aid of a communication device, I thought I'd have a better perspective. After encounter those situations this week, you'd think I'd be more grateful for the many blessings in my life, including having a house and being able to make fantastic renovations to it.

I kept justifying my attitude in my mind. I had work renovations, "I needed to get ready somewhere", and other reasons why it was "Ok" to react the way I did. Those are all bogus. I'm glad for the growth opportunity that God has given me, but very disappointed in how I reacted to it all. Selfish. Inpatient. Ungrateful. Rude.

Peter has been an awesome source of strength and encouragement. He's been able to roll with the uncertainty and changes much better than I have. He's been so sweet and thoughtful and intentionally caring for me during this time. I wish I could say the same about myself. I'm so thankful that he is able to bring me back to reality, calm my nerves and stress, and put a positive spin on the situation.

1 comment:

Erin B.
said...

Even though you wish you would've reacted differently in the situations you faced, God still used those opportunities to help you grow. No need to be disappointed in yourself... you are learning great things and opening your heart to the Spirit's promptings. Praying for you, my friend. :)