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Well, here we are, the last window of the advent calendar has been opened. The shops (should be) are closing for a few days. Everyone can not just relax.

Just a wee post this Christmas Eve to wish you all a Very Merry Christmas. I hope you all have a thoroughly enjoyable day wherever you are and who ever you are with, whether it be your family or friends, I hope you spend tomorrow with the ones you love the most.

Christmas is the time of giving and receiving, the season of good will and joy to everyone. I don't want to come across as being too preachy, but it is also a time to realise how extremely lucky you are as you've all probably heard a thousand times, please appreciate everything you are given.

Enough of that, here I am, giving ALL THE CHRISTMAS LOVING TO YOU!Love, Beth xoxo

I'm trusting you all had a lovely Christmas with your nearest & dearests. Last year I wrote a "Goodbye 2014" post summing up my year. I've decided to do another one for this year. Including every month. Enjoy.

January: Ah January, the month I turned 21... I also saw Queen & Adam Lambert this month with my dad and my brother.. My dad had waited so long to see them again, we got in quite early near the front and then the horror hit. I started getting extremely hot and losing my breath. Initially thought I was going to chunder and found a lovely empty spot in the crowd incase this was going to happen. Everything started getting a little fuzzy, I turned to my brother and said "Don't panic, but I think I'm gonna pass out" he then threw me over to my dad when I came round he was carrying me through the crowd and out the door. We weren't allowed back to our spot, even if we wanted to it was so crowded, we then had to stand at the back for the rest of the gig.. Sorry Dad.

February: February saw me seeing Charlie Simpson (from Busted) live. I had waited about 5 years to see him live. I think his solo stuff is incredible. It was kind of the first intimate acoustic gig I'd ever been to, very unusual from the jumping around I'm used to. I loved it.

March: Not many major events this month, won a few bob on the Cheltenham horse races, discovered I was a bit of a horse whisperer, Zayn left 1D, I discovered I was a top rapper. Oh, and I performed a solo monologue and a group performance at a Charity Dinner in Worcester as a part of my degree. Very scary, we all pulled it off, though. Amazing.

April: April saw me seeing McBusted for the third time. As you're all well aware Busted are back now and McBusted will probably never be seen again, but it's been a great run, I've had so much fun seeing them with my brother. It's a bit of a shame to see them go, but hey-ho.

May: The month I finished (and passed) my second year of university. I think it was also the month I purchased my Tassimo Coffee Machine. Which is obviously more important. Possibly the best purchase of my life. I highly recommend it to everyone who loves coffee. Or tea. Or lattes. Or cappuccinos. Or hot chocolate. Amazing. I ALSO SAW S CLUB 7 YEAAAAA.

June: I went to Ascot in June for a friends 21st, thought I'd try keep up my lucky streak from the races in March. "But Beth did you win anything?!" DID I FUCK. Nothing! Not a penny! Shocking! Though I did consume an awful lot of Prosecco which eased the pain. It was a bloody good day out, with some lovely fuckers.

July: Obviously July saw our trip to Disneyland. Do I need to say anymore? No not really. It's the happiest place in the world. Amazing.

August: August saw me attending Reading Festival for the third year running. This year was a wee different as my brother didn't come with me. If you read my blog from the year before you would know I kind of need him there just to kind of help with social anxiety problems, and to not get lost or kill myself. BUT I took the plunge, found a friend and off we went, it was kind of big deal. I managed to make it through the weekend without setting the tent or myself on fire - we even made friends! AND I helped two groups of people put up their tents after watching them struggle in silence for quite some time. Who knew I was so outdoorsey? Extremely proud of myself!
This was also an extremely sad month as my favourite football player Rafael left Man United. I'd be lying if I said tears weren't shed. Very sad.

September: Not a very exciting month. I departed from Oxfordshire for the last time to start my final year of uni. Something which I really don't want to end. I can already tell the year ahead will be a depressing one. It was also the month I went bronde. Yes. I love it.

October: I dressed up as a flamingo for Halloween. Decided that I really love a module on my course and that I really hated one... Not much really happening in the Life Of Beth in October, sorry.

November: I saw The Fratellis this month. anyone who knows me from uni can tell you that Chelsea Dagger has become quite the anthem in my life. It went off. Amazing.

December: Well, here we are again. The end of the year. This month I bleached my hair a wee bit more, soon I will be a full blonde! I arrived home for Christmas. Finally furfilled my dream of doing a gingerbread house - for the first time ever it didn't collapse! I also had a night out in Oxford for the first time in many months, we went to a new club (same old different name) and it was PACKED for the first time in a long time I started getting so shaky, I thought my legs were gonna buckle! But I saw me wee brother and all we fine! It was also the month I started my YouTube channel. Check out my new video here!

2015 was an extremely good year, I'm kind of sad to see the back of it. Here's hoping 2016 is just as lovely.

Long time no speak (as per always!) third year at uni is killing me off, though I have never been so busy, tired and snowed under at the same time! I have a little time on my hands now Christmas is upon us, alas you shall not be neglected any longer.

I have a wee announcement for you all, given it's almost the New Year. I have decided (lies, I mean, I have been recommended and very highly encouraged) to take my blogging to a whole new level by...... Vlogging!! There are things that I like to discuss on here buy physically cannot type, it would probably be easier for me to set up a camera and just speak it to ya! It's something that I've been considering starting up since last Summer, I always had the worries of people I know finding out and taking the piss, I've decided a New Years resolution of mine could be to careless about what others think.

I'm very happy with the unexpected small gathering I have gained through this Blog since I started it almost two years ago. I guess Vlogging is kind of the next step, just like this blog I probably won't be very good with it, but heck I'll try anything once. Also this doesn't mean I will be ditching the blog! Oh hell no! I love writing. I really love writing this blog, I can assure you all this is not the end! I have TONS of stuff which I can type about yet not speak about, oh so many stories.!

I wasn't really sure how to start of begin a YouTube channel. This will probably be one of the most awkward things which you'll watch, but here it is my First ever YouTube video. The Christmas Tag - seems extremely relevant, tis' the season and all that jazz.

I was thinking about what I were to do if I was to win a huuuuuge amount of money, and this would be it.

1. The first thing I would probably do is buy a house. I'm 21 and have just started looking at houses in East Sussex way, it's not all that expensive to live there, considering how big and nice they are and comparing to Oxford's rocketing prices. I know this is something I probably shouldn't be doing as I've not even finished my degree and am completely broke. But yes, it would definitely be the first thing I would do.

2. The second thing I would do is probably pay my parents back all I owe them, buy them a holiday home and yea, maybe a bit extra. Giving back to the needy and all ;)

3. I'd definitely book a year trip around the world. Definitely. It's something which I'm really wanted to do, hopefully doing a wee bit when I've finished uni before I look for a proper job. It should be amazing.

So, here's a little story for you all! Recently an old friend got in touch with myself and 3 of my friends, talking about a meet up. I knew this day was coming, I never thought it would be so soon. Anyway, moving on. Naturally us four responded as any other girls would - I created a group chat, and we decided on what exactly we were going to do, by discussing the hell out of it. The answers which were flying around were hilarious...

"Do we say we have plans? SHALL WE RUN AWAY?"

"I think we should go for it"

"It's a no from me.."

"I may have not seen the email...."

"Let's just all pack up our lives and move"

Yeah... you could say that went well... Basically, these girls (GIRL) kind of ruined quite a lot of our teenagehood.. as I've said before it was a very dominant and obsessive friendship. I can't quite remember how the friendship ended, but I don't believe it was on good terms.

I know what you're thinking.. "Stop being so immature you're twenty one for fucks sake.." Yes, I completely understand that, but to be completely honest why would I want to sit in a room with people who I haven't seen for two years? It would be awkward and weird, I'm far too awkward as it is. I'm in a bit of a situation though, kids, Y'see, the girl who sent the email is actually really lovely and we used to be really super close, it was such a shame to actually lose her friendship, if there was an arrangement just to meet her, even if I was alone, I wouldn't say no, I miss her friendship, I do. But then there's the other friends involved, I feel like they'd use this meeting to maybe get a bit of gossip out of us all & then bitch about it when we've all departed. I feel like because of these people, I've become far less trustworthy of others. There's a lot of very personal things I blame them for, I know these things happened two years ago, but they're thing that meant a hell of a lot to me and they were tainted because some stupid girls wanted to show off. It was my life and they messed with it.

But then there would be the satisfaction of showing them how much I've become since I went to uni, the fact I won't be held down in a dead end job because with a degree the possibilities are literally endless. Like I'm sure we've all changed, but I think the reason we were all friends in the first place was because of who we all were back then, but since we've grown we probably won't have much in common..

Either way, none of the girls from their side have replied either so it's clear the feeling is mutual.

I feel as though I owe you all an apology.. It's been a suuuuuper long tme...

So I'm home for summer now, working two jobs, This is literally my first day off in 13 days! Mental! Burning the candle at both ends!So I am so so so so sorry not to have posted! (it's not easy you know!) BUT on top of that I have had to cope with all these festivities:

First off we had my mums 50th, apparently it's an occasion to have "who can down their drink fast enough" contests and take a handful of shit selfies....

My second thing was a mini college reunion. It's sooooo hard to try and get everyone in the same room together at the same time because we're all so busy doing different things, what with travelling, drama school, university. A handful of us went to watch the current second years at our old college & we found this little cute thing on the wall. So proud of us all & what we have achieved. We are the ONLY year to have our faces on this wall! Amazing! My old tutor also said we were by far the closest group ever. Amazing. It was so nice to catch up with some of them who I haven't seen in 2 years, crazy to think how fast time goes! This definitely has to become a regular thing! I miss them!

ALSO in this time I've not been posting, we also went to Ascot! Long story short, I won nothing, drank alot of prosecco & saw the Queen. But it was such a good day out with my little uni family, something I would really like to do! (We all look super awkward in this picture, not because we hate each other, but because we were sober.)

But of course, no summer would be complete without doing the annual beach party at the gay club with my two faves.... IT WAS BLOODY AWFUL!

My scar makes me look like I have abs,. love it.

I guess next time I'll write on here will be my Disneyland post. FOUR MORE DAYS. hopefully blogs will be more consistent then...

Hey lads,
I know I said I'd publish, but I had a shit ton of work to do for uni & it would actually be nice to pass the year to finish my degree so yea, priorities.

Now, I'm 21 I've learnt alot of things in life. I feel I've matured in many ways... ahaha who am I kidding? But I do feel like I learnt things the hard way and these are things I would tell my 16 year old self, which if I'd known back then, life may have been a lot easier.

1. Your friends aren't your real friends. Wait. That sounds bad. The people you go around with now, yeah stop trying to impress them, in a few years they will mean nothing, you should have ditched them a long long long time ago. Well, except the ones who you don't try to impress, yeah they're still here, you're all still very close.

2. Don't talk to boys. Don't do it. It's not big and it's not clever.

3. Enjoy that burger whilst you can! You're gonna put on a bit of weight, but you're gonna lose it too! And then you'll go to university and put it all back on again. Enjoy the time you have left with that super-skinny body, little one.

4. Be more confident! You little rat you, do you know how hard you made your life? If you'd opened your mouth sooner life would have been much easier. Give it a few years and you'll be loving life with that new found voice of yours.

5. Chill yourself man, you don't know where you're gonna end up. You do not have to make all your decisions in one year, you have time. Enjoy life, take it as it comes.

...no X Factor blog this week as I've been home for the weekend sorting out bank stuff and fixing phone cameras which was broken during freshers week... X Factor is strictly banned in our home, due to the fact my dads a (former) musician and cannot stand it, basically. (And the fact I made them watch it 3 years in a row a few years back and we missed many weekends which could have been spent watching Christmas films). Yeah. So instead we're going to the theatre to watch Othello, I hate Shakespeare.. This shall be riveting.

Any who, let's get down to business! Basically, a conversation I regularly have with people normally start with "Beth, you're such a lad" or "Beth, you're not really a girl are you?" And this got me thinking.. I'm not really much of a girl, I stacked up many reasons why I'm an awful girl and how it all started....

1. I HATED the Spice Girls... Yep. After years of saying "Oh they were a bit before my time", I met people younger than me who idolised them, it got pretty awkward. Yep. I was so against the whole girl power thing, no thankyou. And I reallllllllllllly didn't like their music. I appreciated Emma Bunton... on her solo album. I am possibly one of a small number of girls from the 90s who don't like Spice Girls. THERE I SAID IT.

2. I was far more into playing blast corps Nintendo 64 than barbies. (Everyone else had moved on to playstations/Gamecubes/Gameboys) BUT still, no other girls in the school were playing games where you'd pretty much have to destroy a city.. I feel kind of bad for my parents who actually spent money on barbies for me when they were used for being drawn on and having their haircut by a true professional... I was far more into trains & cars.. like every other boy.

3. I was obsessed with Pokemon & Digimon. I realise now I'm not truly on my own with this one. But whilst girls were spending their money on personalised hairbands I was getting my mother to buy me pokemon cards.. me and my brothers (will kill me for admitting this) would spend mornings watching and then pretending that we were real pokemon trainers.. outside, in the mud.

4. Dresses are the worst invention in the world. I'm getting better, I have started wearing skirts, but ONLY if I'm allowed shorts underneath because, I am so unmodest. Oh christ, what is even the point in them? You get drunk, no self control, EVERYONE will see your pants.. classy. I did wear a lovely collection of dresses when I started uni, after many years of avoiding them like the plague, but lets be honest, you can't go wrong with a decent pair of shorts.

5. I get ready in about 20 minutes, shower, hair, make-up, clothes. bam. I thought this was the norm until I moved in with girls, some people can take hours, I don't know, what they spend their times doing, but they take hours.

6. I've been on many lads nights out, and can confirm they're far more fun than girls nights out (sorry ladies), they're just fun, there's no time to top up make-up, it's just glorious.

7. Apparently every lass on the planet was given a gene which teaches them to dance in clubs. I however, was not. I'm a foot-tapper, an arm waver and just a general jumper. So whilst everyone else is bumpin' it out I just look like a twat.

8. I once went on a night out, sat down and dominated the Super Nintendo. I got into a scrap with boys who wanted to play, I quote "no, fuck off, I'm playing". I basically spend £3 to get in to play a game I had half an hour down the road. How ladylike..

9. I have no liking for bags, clothes and shoes (which is horrendeous as I work in a shoe shop). Getting me clothes shopping is the worst, I'd rather shit in my hands and clap. Why would any one want to spend their money on clothes bags and shoes when it can be spend on gigs and alcohol?! Errrr hellllllooo!? I went about 4 years just owning one pair of shoes & I've had my bag for a good 5 years. Absolutely no shame.

10. What the hell is jewellery? I ALWAYS get given this as gifts, and it looks nice don't get me wrong, but there is no point me even having it because I ALWAYS forget to put it on. It's probably really thoughtful, but what's the point in having something that's just gonna stay in the box?

11. I first realised I was a bit of a boy in 2004 when McFly released 5 Colours In Her Hair and every girl in the country was obsessing over it and over them, and there I was listening to Stacy's Mom and D12's My Band. I had absolutely no interest in McFly whatsoever. I couldn't see the attraction at all... Their cheesy pop was far too girly for my liking.

12. I once played in a men's 7-a-side football match. Can I just add this was the best time of my life and even though I got proper scared at the time I made a proper good save and it was all fabulous. Basically, I begged my mates to let me play with them all year and then they said I could. Yeah, I was then told that women can't play with men and that I could start my own women's team, my argument was I don't know enough women to play, that and the fact girls would probably be far too serious/bitchy for that.

13. I have a laddish way of talking. I speak like a boy. Everyone is either "mate", "lad", "son" or "a fella". Yep. Man or woman, you will be addressed as this.

14. There's a long running joke with my gay friends that we were born the wrong way round. This is pretty self explanatory.

15. I punched my friend the other day, left hand can I add. And his reply was "Beth you are a boy." Yep. There is no messing around. Just say what everyone's thinking.

16. If you are my friend, I will fart and burp around you without excusing myself. I know, I know, disgusting. I was awarded Best Farter in our hall awards last year and it's something I'm actually proud of. Embrace it.

Apart from having conversations daily about my lad-likeness those are other reasons why I am a terrible girl... I do love being a girl, it has many perks, obviously I use these to my advantage before everyone gets to know me for the real me...

After being at Worcester University for 2 years Ashley & I decided to take a wee trip around. Basically, we couldn't sit at home for another nice day. (We needed to get a new HDMI lead and it turned into a day of adventures!

I feel like we've spent the last year and a half not realising how many nice things are surrounding us! One different turn and we found the loveliest cafe/bar/restaurant near the river - definitely somewhere we need to visit!

We did all of this whilst not spending a penny, and it's definitely encouraged me to go out and see more of the town in the next year before I depart.

Bloody hell, when did I become the worlds best blogger? I literally haven't stopped!

So, Sunday night I went to see MCBUSTED! at the O2 again. This was my third time seeing the band, I saw them at the O2 on their first tour and then again at Hyde Park in the summer. I honestly didn't think I'd be getting tickets to this tour, but then my brother got them for me for Christmas, I'm extremely grateful!

So, we arrived at the O2 and got ourselves a pizza express, then I had to run to get a bottle of water because last time I went to a gig at an arena, which was Queen & Adam Lambert (it was very good), we were standing near the front, and I passed out, which was fab. So now everytime I go to a gig I get super anxious and paranoid I'm not gonna make it through, it's really bad, I panic so much!

WARNING:CONTAINS SPOILERS:

We found our seats, which oh my christ, were honestly the best seats I have ever had in my entire life, four, FOUR rows from the front Buzzing! McBusted are such a trip down memory lane, we used to have school discos at school at lunch times in the playground and Busted & McFly were always essential plays!

SO CLOSE TO HARRY JUDD!

Before the band came on I had a look around the arena, we had a little celeb spotting session, I found James Bourne's brothers, some guy from Only The Young, Steven Mulhern - he was the first one I spotted! Emma Willis & The Kaiser Cheifs! Was pretty exciting!

The run up to the band were loads and loads and loads of trailers from films from the 80s and 90s, which was perfect for anyone who knows me because I love old films! They showed, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Teen Wolf, Weird Science, Transformers, The Might Ducks, Back To The Future Part 2 and more. I liked this, most people just have music, but naaah McBusted do it their way and I loved it!

I really liked how the stage was one massive arcade, and each bit of the tour was a level and I thought that was so cool! I watched the opening before we went because I honestly can't resist a good spoiler. It was literally the coolest set up ever, I've never seen anything quite like it, it was awesome!

They kicked it off with Air Guitar, which is their first single, a crackin start, moving on to Hate Your Guts, which I love, it has that sort of late 90s early 2000s pop punk vibe, very Blink, very Good Charlotte, I LOVE IT. They then did a selection of Busted and McFly songs, obviously, Oooo and they did 3am which they didn't do last year, I think this used to be one of my favourite Busted songs (emo kids, lol). after the first 8 songs they finished on the main stage with What Happened To Your Band, which made me feel really really sorry for James & Matt (even though I heard this song years ago, James Bourne megafan whoop whoop). Before vanishing into thin air and appearing on the B-Stage from the Flux Capacitor, which was on the ceiling. BAFFLED. If anyone can tell me how they did that I would be most grateful! Magic I'm telling you, amazing. Who does that?!

On the B-Stage they did Air Hostess and What I Go To School For, two of Busteds most well known song before everything turned a bit mushy, did Obviously, where everyone held up their phone lights, the O2 has never looked so beautiful! Even the little techie men who were sat near the lights above us were swaying their arms back & fourth in the air. Then Danny & James did the most lovely song Beautiful Girls Are The Loneliest, which is one of the most heartfelt songs (obviously written about me) it was all very cute. Whilst all this was going on, the security guards lined themselves up against us and the block next to us AND THEN THE BAND WALKED PAST US. RIGHT NEXT TO US IN WEDDING DRESSES. OH MY CHRIST. They were literally SO close!!! My brother got a high 5 off of Matt which I'm sure made his childhood dreams come true! Incredible!!

Then they took to the main stage again, armed in their dresses, to do Crashed The Wedding! Followed by Riding On My Bike - an album track, I wasn't looking forward to this because I'm not too keen on the song, however my opinion was changed, because the song sounds so much better live! I actually really enjoyed it! We then moved on to Tom telling us we'd signed up for something, when we bought the tickets.. turns out it was a kiss cam. One of those American basketball, proper kiss cams. I stood through All About You being petrified that me & my brother would end up on the screen. Yes, petrified. However it didn't happen, however Emma Willis ended up on their with Steven Mulhern which was quite something. Also during the show they ended up having a huge game of Street Fighter, as an owner of a Super Nintendo, I appreciated this greatly. They finished up with Star Girl before leaving...

AND THEN THE ENCORE!

On the screens there was a reenactment of the locker room scene from The Mighty Ducks, and then they all came out in hockey jerseys which they should have totally sold as merchandise, missed out there! The finished with 5 Colours, McFly classic, Shine A Light, which they feel like they need to perform at every gig because it was a hit - I HATE it! and obviously Year 3000. Obviously!

They ended with all members of the band flying down a pipe from Super Mario and "Game Complete" on the screen. I took this very seriously, the last tour ended with "To Be Continued" on the screen... if Game Complete means that McBusted are over after this summer? Because as much as I love McFly and want album 6, I am just not ready for McBusted to end.

Oh, looky here, two blog posts in less than a week, aren't you lucky! AND WOAH. WHAT'S THIS? A NEW LAYOUT? WOAH CHILL IT GILLET. So, here we are, April, nearly half way through the year! I've decided to start new years resolutions again, I never really had any goals for this year in January, but now being older and wiser at the age of 21 I've decided I'd like to achieve many things this year.

My first goal is to start to learn how to drive, I spoke about this briefly in my last post. But yes, now is the time. Frankly, I don't know why I haven't considered learning before, but now I've a year left at uni, I need to start thinking about the future and honestly, I cannot stay in this deadbeat village for the rest of my life, the only real way out is with all my luggage in a car. No, I need to learn, I'm sick of being a bus wanker, I want to do more day trips see more of the country, I just really think now is the time to start learning, so in the summer, when I start earning again, (rhymes on point) I will definitely be getting behind the wheel.

To become healthier is a second goal of mine. I know, I know, this is something that always pops up everywhere, by everyone, but I've come to a realisation that my metabolism just isn't what I used to be, so I'm gonna have to start looking after myself, less take-aways, less chocolate, it's a shame, but we're all getting older, it has to be done. I should probably start exercising too, but then again, we all say somethings we don't mean.

Alreeeeet, This next one is something I'm dwelling on a bit. I've been thinking about doing one of those youtube thingys. Honestly, I doubt this will happen, maybe if me old blog kicks off a bit, I could give it a go,I guess. People have told me to start one up, but to be honestly, I don't think it's for me. If I get 10,000 views on 'ere before December maybe, just maybe.

Ay up, ay up, Last one, I will definitely be blogging more. I'm not quite sure the sort of people who actually read it, or if anyone does at all, but I'm gonna start off doing loads of random ones until I find something we can all agree on!

I hope everyone has a lovely Easter, definitely be back much sooner than normal! xoxo

So, it's been a while huh? Don't worry, nothing exciting has really happened lately. Where were we... Oh yes, so it's now March! Not much has really happened recently, but I had to update someone on my life didn't I?

So, my uni housemates and I were looking into booking a holiday for this summer, we looked at the general 18-30 holidays, which I was in no position to really afford, but 'eck, a holidays a holiday right, I've not been on a proper holiday, with a beach since 2013. However. I received a cheeky e-mail from Disney (I'm signed up, they e-mail me very often) telling me that it was 15% off hotel & park tickets with a free half board meal plan. This worked out cheaper than a party holiday, so how could we resist?! There it is! I am going to Disneyland Paris for the second year running, I always used to say I'd be one of those people who'd visit so often it'd become a second home, and here we are! I am beyond excited, we're going in July and staying in a proper Disney hotel, which I've not done before, so I am buzzing!

Secondly, I've started to think about the future lately. The first thing I've decided needs to start happening is DUN DUN DUN Driving lessons. Yep, at the grand age of 21 I want to start learning how to drive, I've been thinking about this for quite a while and my uni friends have been driving me around a lot lately, I've been somewhat jealous. Driving opens up a lot of doors and is something that definitely needs to get in my life.. stay off the roads kids.

And finally, I've come to conclusion there is no way you can do University without putting on a substantial amount of weight. For me the struggle is real. I started uni with a body I was proud of, I worked out everyday at home, I danced for hours a day with the college and I ate rather healthy, but I was still able to eat whatever I wanted, because I was working out. We're now nearly two years in and my lord how the tables have turned. I've been quite comfortable with my weight, UP UNTIL NOW. Disaster has struck! I am fat, I wobble when I walk, my clothes don't fit the same anymore. It's a terrible time. It's not like I'm unhealthy, yeah I like the odd take away (recently more than most, I've become certain I will never shift this weight) but I eat fairly healthily. The only thing I can put it down to is my alcohol consumption (I'm a student, don't judge me). But this is something that is really getting me down, I really need someone who will help me, please comment below if you can be of any assistance!

I recently, last week, turned 21. It was really nice, we had a house party, I had a lot to drink it was all very swell, I don't remember much, other than that I think it was fab! But turning 21 made me think, like it was a "big" birthday so I probably should have asked for something big and treasurable, but instead I asked for money which I'm putting towards a holiday which I'll probably drink myself to oblivion in and won't even remember. But the truth is, all I want this year, turning 21 is to be 19 years old again. I feel over the past few months I have become a complete mess. Basically, the last few weeks I've been feeling like a former shadow of myself. I feel less happy, less fun and frankly I am not ok with this. So I've been thinking, when was I at my happiest? Then I decided it was probably when I was 19, I did call the year I turned 19 "the best year of my life".
There are many reasons why it was the best year of my life (so far). I grew some major balls when I was 19, most of my teenage hood had been dominated by a group of friends I was in from when I was around 14/15, basically telling me what I could/couldn't do, arranging meals and meet ups under their rules and if you were busy that day you were prepared to have "jokey" abuse sent at you and you'd sit at home knowing you were being slagged off. To be honest, I started to take more of a stand against these people when I was around 18, I started going out with other friends and then I was being bitched and indirected about because I'd chosen to go to someone's birthday than a night out in town. Like it got to the point where I was told I couldn't be friends with anyone in my class at college when I went. It was all becoming a bit of a joke. I felt like I was missing out on so much because all they really wanted to do was stay in the same place, drinking in the same pubs, having the same weekend every weekend, where as I wanted to branch out. The final straw was when I wanted to go on holiday and we kept having these meetings about it and then over a massive facebook argument I told them and I quote "Nah we won't go then, fuck you all" and we never really met up after that. Honestly it was the best thing I'd ever done, I still went on and had an amazing holiday and then three of the other girls in the group just kinda came together and we're still really close now we still meet up and just sit and laugh about how out youth was wasted on these bunch of people. I feel like 19 was the best year of my life because I was shown some affection, for probably, the first time ever. I feel like I need to have this again because anyone who knows me knows that I am a very hard, bitter and sarcastic character who needs to be shown some love. There is a fine line between wanting attention and affection, don't get me wrong a bit of attention is nice - I'm a drama student, c'mon - but there is nothing lovelier than being shown affection, it made me a softer person, and generally happier, I was so much more confident and open to things. I don't really have much confidence when it comes to myself, though it may seem, I'm a very confident person about everything else, but when it comes to me oh lordy lord I have nothing to work with. I guess it's nicer to be complimented and to have someone to laugh and joke around with so when I wasn't getting this at twenty years old I became pretty cold and bitter and shut everything out, I had no confidence and I hated it. I feel because I was more open and happier at 19 people actually had time for me and if someone was to approach me I'd probably spark up a conversation rather than look them up and down and tell them where to take their rear end to.
I was happier at nineteen because I genuinely felt like the world was my oyster and I could do whatever I wanted with it. I went on holiday, my first festival, I even found the guts to apply and get into university, I don't know where I hit the brick wall and decided I didn't want to be that person anymore, I never used to cry, ever, but as soon as I hit twenty the I felt like I'd caught up on so many wasted crying opportunities, I let my health slide, I put on weight, I was generally unhappier and it took me a whole year to realise that the person I once was had long gone and wasn't coming back. Until now.

I am going to work for all I can to make this year the year I become "Nineteen year old Beth" again, I'm going to put myself out there, I'm going to be nicer to everyone, I'm not gonna say no to anything, I'm gonna try so hard in uni, I'm gonna start dancing and exercising again, I'm going to become the person who made me so happy.

Well, we have all now well and truly seen in the 2015 New Year. Whether it was having a few too many or staying in with your family, I hope you all had a lovely New Years Eve. I spent mine down my local with two close friends, not how I'd planned, but it's not where you are it's who your with, and it was lovely.

Now 2014 had ALOT to live up to since I'd named 2013 as "the best year of my life" which it was. I think I've managed to have a decent one, despite putting on a ton of weight, this is what I got up to.

January.
After seeing in the year by getting thrown out of a nightclub and having my hair held back by a stranger whilst I vomited, the month didn't really go anywhere else from there... But I did have the best ever 20th Birthday. My lovely lovely university pals threw me a good old bash, and the thought that went into it was lovely, I don't remember it, but I remember that I had fun. It was also the month I got mumps which was just a barrel of laughs, we got to see how I'd look if I became obese, so that's definitely not happening.

April.
In April I saw McBusted for the first time, it was a fun filled day, I had a bit too much to drink before, but managed to sober up in time for the gig, which was SO AMAZING. I honestly have the best brother for taking me to see them, I reckon we both would have regretted it if we didn't get to relive our childhood and sink back into 2002. Amazing. Best Christmas present ever.

July.
July was probably the most magical month. My brother took me to see McBusted AGAIN. And it was so good, the same set, but it was really freakin' amazing, other than the fact the heavens opened, and I had to spend £35 on a hoodie because they ran out of ponchos, meaning I missed Jmaes Bourne singing with Backstreet Boys. Fabulous. But it was all amazing, and the month didn't end there, oh no I then have the best time ever in Disneylandwith my nearest & dearest, Abbie. I'd wanted to go back for so long and I was so lucky to have found a good deal! It really was the perfect weekend away, I'm so happy I managed to go there, and in such good company.

August.
Of course no summer would be complete without a festival. So, of course I went to Reading Festival. This was the second time I'd been and I saw waaay more acts than I did the first year I went, other then spending half the weekend hungover, I had a really good weekend, I don't think I'll be going again this year, but I really did end my summer on a high.

I also did many other things which were good in 2014, like passing my first year at uni, and going sober for a month, I had a super good Christmas seeing my family. But saying all this, I have decided that 2015 is going to be even better, it is going to be parallel to 2013 (the best year of my life). As sad as I am to say goodbye to another year, I wish everyone good health and happiness in 2015, lets make it a good'un.