Obviously, David Wells — as evidenced by his appearance on the waiver wire in just about every fantasy league we're in — is much more useful as a quote machine these days than as an actual baseball player. And he's never more amusing than when he's being edited to suit the taste of the delicate newspaper reader. Here was Wells' response to those who thought he had accused David Dellucci of using steroids.

"'I wasn't accusing him or anything of the sort. So the [expletive] who did it, or the [expletives] who did it, I think they need to [expletive]. And you can quote me on that. [Expletives].''

As much fun as it might be to simply insert various curse words at random, we prefer to just stay highbrow here and merely insert the word "manhug." That, or maybe, "Steinbrenner."