Month: February 2011

Disclaimer: This post was written many years ago after some intensive introspection. Be assured it no longer applies to my present self. I leave this up for people to identify the same thinking in themselves. And for others to point out why it’s wrong. Please be thoughtful if you comment.

If you’re looking for a BPD guy that has ever stalked, followed, or obsessed over a girl you’re in the right place. I hate to admit it – because many blog readers are female – but I’ve been guilty of stalking behavior, usually unbeknownst to the women I followed. I also find the thought of voyeurism interesting and arousing, especially when it pertains to women I’m obsessing over. Before everyone vomits and calls the cops, let me offer a few reasons why BPD men might stalk and obsess. To be clear, these are not cop-outs for poor behavior. Instead, it is just the way in which BPD males think and justify their actions. No one really wants to stalk another person. It’s not a positive thing to do with one’s time. Sometimes, though, emotions and clouded thinking get in the way of better judgment and bring out the worst in otherwise decent people.

All stalking behavior emanates from some form of rejection. I’ll detail one that is particularly upsetting to men: sexual rejection.

Feeling Powerless Over One’s Sexual Desires

This sounds like something out of a Tony Robbins sex-esteem workshop 🙂 . That aside, I – and many other men – sometimes feel powerless over our own sexual desires. When I was in college, for example, I was surrounded by many beautiful girls. Of course, I wanted to start a relationship and have sex with them. Unfortunately, either because I lack the social skills, physical appearance, or confidence necessary to seduce ANY girl at will, these sexual desires turned into sexual frustrations.

Some men like me feel helpless to satisfy our own basic needs. We see a hot girl, want her, but can’t get her because we don’t measure up to her standards. What then do we do with these feelings? Do we say “Oh, heck” and forget about it? Or, do we bottle them up and obsess over the woman, somehow hoping that things will turnaround and go our way?

If you have BPD, chances are you bottle them up and get even more frustrated with each subsequent perceived rejection. Of course, this sounds all very narcissistic. Walking around thinking that you have the right to sleep with any girl you see is a selfish thought. At the same time, it can make many men feel desperate because they will never feel sexually gratified. Sexual rejection hurts as much as social rejection.

To use an example from recent times, think about the man that stalked ESPN reporter Erin Andrews. He followed her from hotel to hotel, using cameras and spy equipment hoping to catch her naked. Unfortunately for Andrews, he actually succeeded. Then, when this guy was caught and revealed to the rest of the world, it was clear to me, at least, why he did these disturbing acts.

He was a middle-aged insurance executive who wasn’t married, but did have a fiancee. To be blunt, I’m 100% positive his fiancee didn’t measure up to Andrews in terms of looks. He clearly felt hopeless because he knew he would never, EVER have a shot at sleeping with Andrews. His looks, lifestyle, personal connections, or social status precluded him from meeting her. Essentially, he was using extreme means to gratify his need to have some sort of sexual encounter with a very attractive woman, which part of him knew would almost never happen.

In some respects, this is why men enjoy pornography, strippers, and prostitutes: if they can’t get it for free, they will pay for the opportunity to ease their sexual tensions and feel like they seduced a “9” or “10” into bed. Andrews’ indirect rejection of this man – and countless millions of others who lust after her – made him do absolutely crazy things that ultimately ruined his life. He was later fined over $10,000, ordered to prison for 2.5 years, and given 3 years parole.

Men like this and those that have BPD can’t swallow rejection, especially sexual rejection. This turns normal guys into stalkers who will break the law, ignore common decency, and even risk losing everything they worked for in order to feel accepted and satisfied.

Have I ever felt sexually rejected? Absolutely. How did it make me feel? Hopeless and desperate. A part of me realized that I may be stuck with overweight, unhealthy, boring women because I didn’t have the ability to land a “10”. That realization is very damaging to the male ego, and probably produces many cases of infidelity in marriages. Remember, the guy isn’t “cheating” because he occasionally has lustful thoughts about another woman: it’s when he consummates these feelings by ordering a call girl, having an office fling, or hanging out at strip clubs that otherwise decent guys become adulterers.

All this means that BPD men have to find an emotional mechanism that lets them get past lust and into a more healthy, realistic state of mind. Sorry, 99% of the guys reading this post will never sleep with a hot bikini model because you don’t measure up to the 1% of guys that would be appealing to her.

I’m still at a loss for finding ways to get past sexual frustrations aside from stalking, following, or obsessing over women. I want to feel powerful in a powerless situation. Attraction happens at all levels, but can become a pathetic plight of selfish, sometimes illegal, behavior when allowed to take over one’s mind.