A friend of mine saw this article from Buzzfeed and shared it with me. The article, Spencer Cox, AIDS Activist Featured in “Plague” Documentary Dies at 44, drove me to tears. I wasn’t ready. I’m at a vulnerable state right now and I had no idea that it was going to hit me in that way. I’m so exhausted, I guess, working and preparing for the holidays, that when I read this article, it just hit me so hard and I was just in tears. I never even knew the guy; didn’t even know he existed until this article was shared to me, but I was crying in front of my computer last night.

In the article (and the video that comes with it), he says:

“You make your life as meaningful as you can make it. You live it and don’t be afraid of who is going to like you or are you being appropriate. You worry about things like being kind. You worry about things like being generous. And if it’s not about that, what the hell’s it about?”

I think it is very powerful and I can recognise it in my life. I see it in what I do and what I believe in. And then, after reading the article, I saw the video, clicked on it, and heard it come out of his mouth and that was it. It hit me so hard, I started crying. He believed in miracles. He started crying when he was talking about it. I had no protection for this. I was just brought to my knees.

I know I said I was going to take a break for the holidays and to stop focusing on HIV for awhile, but this is a battle that doesn’t end. Just the other day, I did two corporate talks at the Australian-New Zealand Bank here in the Philippines. I was invited to talk about HIV to their employees in their Makati office and their Eastwood office and the people really listened. For some strange reason, I found my voice again, and I think I was able to get them to take the threat of HIV and AIDS seriously.

I know I said I was done for the year, but it still comes. These opportunities, these reminders. They still come and I cannot ignore it.

Hopefully now, I can go back to my life for a bit — finish my work and enjoy the holidays with my family.

I’m really tired. But this article. It stirred something inside of me. I wanted to share it.