Fear Factor

Been having a lot of anxiety lately. Not about single-motherhood, baby vomit staining my bag, or, even, my finances. The cold sweats and tingling fingertips are coming from the Braxton-Hicks contractions I've been increasingly experiencing--sharp, sudden zings of what-the-heck-was-that??? in my pelvic region. It's kind of like a quick, pinching menstrual cramp that doesn't last.

I've been feeling them a lot at work lately. I'll be at my desk and all of a sudden there's this weird sort of stinging hiccup in my, ahem, uterus. I squirm, I stroke my bump, it sort of goes away. Then I start to hyperventilate and hotfoot it to the ladies room for a spot check. Remember in Knocked Up when Stoner Guy asks Alison if she's had her "bloody showing?" That's what I look for and when it's not there I breathe normally again. On the way back to my desk, I joke to JD: "Keep this up and no bite-sized Pumas for you."

They happen in the car, too, and I can't help but wonder when my water is going to break (or as my OB-GYN puts it, when I'll feel that sudden gush of membranes). Will I be in traffic? In an ideas meeting with my top editors? On the subway? Will I wake up in a mess of wet sheets? At least I'm not the only one obsessing. Check out Erin's blog today. She's freaked out that she'll feel the gush in a meeting with her boss or on the sandwich line in the cafeteria. I don't know what's worse. I kind of want to walk around with a bucket just in case. Or maybe a bottle of spring water to "accidentally spill" at the right time. An editor once told me her baby came four weeks early. Well, JD is technically due in five weeks, but my surgery is in four (ahhhhhh!).

That said, a couple of months ago, my girls and I were lounging in the park. We were dog watching and I decided to ask them what they would do if we were hanging in NYC (I am scheduled to deliver in NJ) and surprise, my water broke. One said she'd drive me to Jersey. Then Claire said, "Relax, we'd grab a cab and take you to Columbia Presbyterian Hospital." I made a mental note to make sure that Claire is always in attendance if I am in the city.

Lately, I've been interviewing friends with kids about their wet 'n' wild experience. One said it felt like a "slight trickle." She was watching TV with her husband and realized it was time. Another was in a pool and didn't even know it happened. She thought the contractions were, um, gas. I'm hoping things will run smoothly for JD and me. I don't want to pull a Miranda and splatter all over, say, Nic's heels.

Please describe in detail what the opening of the floodgates felt like?