Re: The Bronze Horseman, part 13

Re: Michelle Kwan Mystery-The Missing Bronze Horseman

Time: 9/02
Place: somewhere in L.A.

Michelle is talking to Brian Boitano on her cell phone. Brian congratulates her on the winning team work with Alexi, they skated 2 immortal programs in the American Russian Friendly Games in August. Americans fall in love with Alexi skating, and Russians are crazy about Michelle. The glass statue “Passion of Skating” with Michelle’s legendary inside edge spiral is on display at the Hermitage. The bronze Horseman is back in the National museum of art.

Robert Tan is confined to his father’s (Tan senior) villa in Hawaii. He is not allowed to cause trouble anymore. In exchange, he is allowed daily Luau, eating unlimited amount of roast pigs, with a touch of bovine brains, and beef from time to time, some connoisseur.Tan Senior hired Freddy as the chef, ("only the best for my boy" Tan Senior) so Robert is relatively happy.

Michelle felt fortunate that Robert Tan only took them to Hawaii (the plane was only in the air for a few hours, 8 hours to be exact, L.A. to Singapore = 20 hours). She would never have escaped without the help of Math man, Dr. Watson, AP, Alexis, and the ostentatious Ann Sophie Mutter.

Brian is in a hurry and Michelle has to cut short the narration. Briefly, Robert collected Alexi – Olympic champion, AP, junior world champion, and Ann Sophie Mutter, so called first lady of the violin for a private recital. Dr. Watson the world famous expert on herbalology was kidnapped too. Why? Because Robert Tan was too intimidated by the Wisdom of Mathman, and the Beauty of Michelle (People’s magazine 50), he needed to take care of the pain through chemistry. (Honestly, if he thought Mutter was worth collecting then, he really needed some herbs from Watson). Dr. Watson of course had a different plan for Robert. Watson gave Robert Tan a strong dose of Valerian root extract, and that took care of him. AP, and Alexi cut Michelle and Mathman loose with their skate blades (not Swiss Army knife). Everyone escaped.

Michelle did not have time to tell Brian about the rest of the adventure, but the GS writers have chronicled that in their message board. Brian promised to check that out.

Re: Michelle Kwan Mystery-The Missing Bronze Horseman

Eltamina writes: "I can't write."

A preposterous hypothesis contradicted daily on this very board! Take the sentence, "Michelle gave [Mathman] a kiss on the forehead." Literary genius! A sentence that richly repays the hours of contemplation that I have devoted to it.

9/02
LA

"But Michelle," said Brian, "didn't you say that you were on a special State Department jet which Mathman arranged for you? Those jets cruise at Mach 1.5 (one and a half times the speed of sound in air, which as you know is about 331.46 meters per second, depending on temperature, altitude, humidity and the level of concentration of CO2), or about 497 meters per second. The air distance from Los Angeles to Singapore is about 8770 miles, or 14146 kilometers, which works out to a flight time of about 7.9 hours. So if you estimate that your trip took 8 hours, you must have gone to Singapore after all.

"But I have terrible news for you, Michelle. Mathman is very sick in the hospital. After you kissed him he shellacked his forehead so that the kiss would never wear off. But the shellac seeped into his brain and gave him all of the symptoms of spongiform encephalopathy, or mad cow disease. He asked his good friend Freddy

to write a poem for his tombstone, and this is what Freddy came up with:

Shelly kiss'd me when we met,
Jumping from the chair she sat in;
Time, you thief, who love to get
Sweets into your list, put that in!
Say I'm weary, say I'm sad,
Say that health and wealth have miss'd me,
Say I'm growing old, but add,
Shelly kiss'd me.

Michell'e Lipstick

9/02
LA

Michelle sniffed and sobbed, “Oh no Brian, Mathman is sick?”

Brian, “Don’t worry too much, he is in a hospital, and our good friend Dr. Watson is treating him now.”

Michelle,” Sick from shellac! It simply can’t be. Reformulated shellac and sucrose ester is just a compound derived from sugar and fatty acid. A cosmetic company one time approached me to endorse lipsticks made from these natural materials. In addition to being shiny and beautiful, shellac/sucrose taste so SWEET!!! perfect as ingredients for lipsticks. I have tried the lipsticks made of shellac/sucrose many times, nothing seeped in, or gave me symptoms of spongiform encephalopathy.”

Michelle

Don't Michelle and Alexei make a great team? They could threaten Sherlock's and Watson's day jobs. If Agatha was around she'd send Hercule P. and Jane M. packing to St. Mary's Mead. She'd hire Michelle and Alexei.

I'll start a new thread tomorrow. Thanks for all the contributions. :-)