Honest Bob Steps Up

WASHINGTON: Bob Dole has done his best to look like a nice guy ever since
he flamed in '96. Until now, his master strokes have been appearing on Letterman
and taking a well-paid fall for Visa during the last Superbowl. But Dole
topped that yesterday when he offered to answer questions in public on
alleged campaign finance abuses.

"I do not believe that I personally participated in any questionable
activity or personally violated any existing law," he said in a letter hand
delivered to committee chair Fred Thompson. Fred commended Bob's bravery,
and wished only that Bill could be so courageous.

"I presume that by cooking up this little stunt, committee Republicans are
simply acknowledging that their investigation into more serious matters has
failed," said Jim Jordan, a spokesman for Senate Democrats on the panel -
adding that he couldn't see how Dole's appearance would be relevant,
"although it might be enjoyable." Quite. Dole is certainly no Gipper, but
he does know how to wear that Teflon coating.