EVENTS

Glitchety-glitchety

We’re all aware of the intermittent service failures. Last I heard, it was caused by some hard drive difficulties, and a crack team of kobolds has been dispatched to excavate the relic out of the lava pits and hammer an enchanted red gold filigree into the platters to improve their performance. There may be further absences while the device is worked over on the anvil, but then all shall be well, barring drow or faerie-fire incursions.

I hope the site re-design includes a thorough overhaul of whatever hardware is supposed to ensure the site’s robustness and resiliency. The number and frequency of outages at FtB is ridiculous. Yes, I know we’re not paying for it, and yes, I’m awfully glad it exists. But the unreliability is surprising and irksome.

Is this merely the result of the technical incompetance of kobolds, or is it a denial of service attack by sneaky frost trolls?

My advice – go necromantic. Undead tech support never slack off on the job and don’t need to sleep, eat or get paid. None of this union nonsense to worry about either. That’s the problem with dwarves, you see – damned union militants.

And if the smell bothers you, then just upgrade from zombies to nice, clean animated skeletons. As an added bonus, the ethereal undead can fix the servers without even needing to take the casings off…

Last I heard, it was caused by some hard drive difficulties, and a crack team of kobolds has been dispatched to excavate the relic out of the lava pits and hammer an enchanted red gold filigree into the platters to improve their performance.

Once they’re done, have them kill the fucking gremlins who make the Recent Comments list disappear randomly. Like others have said, I doubt kobolds are up to the task, but maybe it’s worth a shot. They probably don’t have anything better to do anyway.

There’s a kid that lives in South Park, CO, that has experience with these issues. He was able to unplug the internet, and then plug it back in. This resulted in the blinking yellow light turning to solid green.

Bam! Everyone could then have their Japanese puking por…er… evolution blog…er… websites.

Let us cant a chant, prattle a prayer, and murmur a mantra in hopes that the gods and/or goddesses of IT will smile upon your enterprise and we shall no longer see the never ending progress bar while waiting to the completion to be fulfilled.

I can’t see how outlining the machinery in colored light would either help or hinder its functioning. Would sure look cool, though.
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Everyone knows the servers operate based on hamsters

Ah, all is now made less murky! After all, the connection between tinker gnomes and giant space hamsters is well-known, and of long standing.
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My advice – go necromantic. Undead tech support never slack off on the job and don’t need to sleep, eat or get paid. None of this union nonsense to worry about either. That’s the problem with dwarves, you see – damned union militants.

And if the smell bothers you, then just upgrade from zombies to nice, clean animated skeletons.

But do you want tech support that can be Turned by some two-bit preacher? Do we really want to have to defend against an endless stream of Paladins, determined to dispatch the Undead? Not to mention that, being Negatively Planar, there’s also the risk of possession. No, I say, go golem. Nice, clean stone golems, special-made for the purpose, and with customised stats, immunities and defences; and no need to angst over the high cost of Techie Chow™ and bathroom facilities.
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Yeah, I am pretty sure one of the “failures” was listing a “Guru meditation error”, when I tried to load the page. WTF are they running the blogs on old Amigas? lol

That said. Careful which sort of Dwarf you hire, if you get one of those grey skinned Duergar its just as bad as a Drow incursion. Damn thing is probably hosted in the maze underneath Waterdeep too. Dang wizard keeps rearranging the rooms down there, and I here they even have some tavern on the surface, built around an old well. They have some party of techs go down the well, then bet on how many of them make it back out alive, with or without the data backups.

You know, when my personal server goes down, its because I was fecking with it.
So that makes me wonder: how much does your service cost? (Not including data, which is probably the most expensive part.)