friday night funnies

John McCain Will Finally Finish Destroying America’s Financial System

Hmm, this sounds kind of familiar if you remember the Keating Five and S&L Collapse: “Nevada regulators have shut down Silver State Bank. It was the 11th failure this year of a federally insured bank. Andrew McCain, son of Republican presidential nominee John McCain, was a member of the bank’s board, but recently stepped down for ‘personal reasons …. ‘” Ha, whatever, McCain Crime Family. Meanwhile, the federal government is about to seize mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. [AP via Cryptogon/Wall Street Journal]

[re=87596]facehead[/re]: This is why I stuff all my dollar bills in a hole I have made in my mattress.

I wouldn’t trust my twenty-five dollars to a bank.

Borat

How come people only leave senior positions for ‘personal reasons’ like wanting to spend more time with the family? Isn’t there a better excuse to come up with?

What’s the VPILF gonna say?

irisheyes

wow. I was having trouble sleeping, so I decided to check the interwebs. You’re debating banking at 4:30 am. I should be able to …..zzzzzzzz

Jingo

The only bank the McCains believe in is the Bank of Cindy.

Personally, I’ve traded all my dollars for yuan. Then when China calls in America’s debts and the US dollar becomes worthless, I’ll use my 100 yuan to buy several homes likes like the McCains and fill the garages with dozens of cars like the Palins. I’ll be so rich compared to most other Americans, I won’t even care if my underage daughter gets knocked up.

gurukalehuru

snark off for a moment: I feel very optimistic. While most American’s have never been to Alaska, a huge number of Americans, Americans that John McCain needs, understand ‘population 6,000.’ Lots and lots of the redneck pigfuckers live in towns that are ‘population 6,000.’ They can look at their own mayors, imagine what the world would be like if Stella’s cousin Norm were suddenly president and say “Jesus H. Christ on a Pogo Stick, have they lost their fershlugineh minds!?” Seriously, my guess is that’s happening all over America, right now.

The Hispanic Buddy Holly

[re=87605]Jingo[/re]: I’m totally banking on the Chinese taking us over. That’s why I’m taking a bunch of Chinese history classes and maybe a Chinese language class. When those damn commies start telling us what to do, I’ll be the one with the cushy job. I WILL SELL EVERYONE OUT.

As far as the BMMFGASM (Baby Makin’ Mommy For God’s Alaskan Secession Movement) pronounced
‘bmmmmmfgasssssm’ like the relief from a weird burpfart ‘splosion– who cares? Doesn’t she have some mommying or hockeying or DS infant to shuffle around? Who will bake the moosecake? Will it be lil’ Piper, who will lick and smear and poke it while it’s trying to bake in the oven?

BobLoblawLawBlog

“You’re nothing to me now, Andrew. You’re not a son; you’re not a photo-op. When you go to visit your mother, I want to know about it so I won’t be there. No, not that mother. The other one. The hot one who gets the tremors whenever you take an Advil.”

Serolf Divad

If you’d just pulled your collective heads out of you New Yorker‘s and listened to Mitt Romney’s speech at the Republican Convention you’d know that this was all caused by the leftist liberal cabal that’s been running things in Washington since 2001.

njdon

dear ken,
re: the picture shown.
there must be one showing pasty faced northern europeans.

are Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac two more of McCain’s adopted children?…

it’s interesting that Andrew, the son of the ex-wife Carol, should turn out to be CFO of second wife Cindy’s booze-running/influence peddling/drug distribution empire…..is he the heir apparent, Godfather to be?

does this mean that the other adopted son Doug acts as consilieri?…

obviously the two younger sons by Cindy are being trained as ‘soldiers’…but what of Meghan?…she seems to have no other aspiration than becoming a sack of potatoes…

but then perhaps im selling Meghan short…i can see where she might be very useful as a runner, after all, its good cover to have someone who is genuinely stupid pick up and deliver shipments of oxycotin for Cindy…

having a private plane and a competent pilot [Doug] in the family presumably makes those trips back and forth across the Mexican border a lot harder for those few remaining non-paid-off authorities to monitor….

daughter Sidney appears to be clean but what you wanna bet that her live-in boyfriend knows quite a lot about growing kind bud…….also theres something very fishy about living in Toronto AND being in the music business…i mean, aren’t those two things mutually exclusive?…

personally speaking, i have to mistrust any 42 yr old who says Spiritualized is an “epic stoner band”….on the other hand that does sound like something some douche bag in the music business might say…..

clearly the McCain Family has a vested interest in destroying the economy…its a proven fact that people drink more when times are hard…..i expect them to go after America’s banks one at a time…

ManchuCandidate

John S. McCain I destroyed the Imperial Japanese Navy as one Halsey’s admirals in WW2.
John S. McCain II destroyed a lot of Japanese shipping as a sub commander in WW2.
John S. McCain III bombed NVA truck parks, crashed US Navy planes, torched the Forrestal, sank the S&L Loan industry and helped destroy the 2000 era US America economy.
Andrew McCain helped destroy a Nevada bank.

Come on people, they’re just continuing the McCain fambly tradition of destroying things. It just happens to be that John III is the most gifted because he destroys whatever he touches. He has the McCain (anti-Midas) touch.

EnBuenOra

Wait — are we allowed to mention the family members of Republicans? I thought that was now outlawed, and that it was only okay to harass the family members of Democrats?

jerryw

Alaska Jokes (redundant, but useful).

Palin’s got Alaska written all over her face, I guess that the locals spell it “Bukakke”.

When I went on my first visit to Alaska I was a skinny little guy, when I came back
I was a real husky fucker.

The difference between beer nuts and reindeer nuts? beer nuts are $1.59 a pack,
reindeer nuts are under a buck.

Try your waiters, tip the veal, I’ll be here for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS…..

Whatever happens with Sweet Sarah P, I’m just glad that our wonkette is back to it’s original taupe glory.

No more seizure ads, please.

bhosp

[re=87605]Jingo[/re]: Me too, but then Yu-an is my wife’s name.

frankenliberal

The pin stripe-suited vipers, meaning both the banks, Wall Street organized criminals and the privately owned Federal Reserve system own our government lock, stock and barrel.

Who ever destroys them will be my hero.

shortsshortsshorts

[re=87624]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “What a family, what a history, what a maverick.”

Schadenfried

[re=87606]gurukalehuru[/re]: I dunno, I’m starting to waver in the hope department. MILFY soccer/hockey moms are proof that Satan exists. I have a sneaky feeling the LNS crowd with be voting with their peens.

magic titty

Anyone hear the one about Sarah Palin and Sambo? Use your ‘teh Googles’….

“She’s not the answer when it comes to winning conservative women — she never was — and we’re not going to be anybody’s attack dog against Sarah Palin,” said a Clinton insider. “To be fair to Obama’s people, they haven’t asked us to do that.”

Dammit. I wanted angry, angry Hillz showing the world what a stupid twit Caribou Barbie really is. Beating up on Grandpa just isn’t popcorn-worthy.

I will pay 50 bucks to the first person who puts Walnuts speech on Thursday night into Ebonics. Yes I am serious about this.

Jill Sixpack

Didn’t Neil Bush head up a failed S&L back in the 80s? It looks like John McCain is trying to be George H. W. Bush, not W. Didn’t “41” fly a plane that got shot down during WWII? And didn’t he pick a young, underqualified but good-looking running mate in an attempt to woo female voters? Clearly, McCain thinks that by emulating the elder Bush, he too can be a single-term President who wins a war in Iraq and takes credit for the collapse of the Iron Curtain.

I demand Malia and Sasha release their tax returns! Aren’t they on the board of Fisher-Price?

lilblackcorvette

[re=87664]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: when you say ebonics, do you mean the original intent of African American Venacular English or “the way they talk around my way”. Example: Fight =fight
Fight =”kick dey monkey asses” clarify so i can get my dough, cracker muthafucka.

I fought fo’ da right strategy an’ mo’ troops in Iraq, when it wasn’t uh popular thin’ ta do. And when da pundits said muh ma fuckin campaign wuz finished, I said I’d rather lose an election than see muh ma fuckin country lose uh war.

I don’ mind uh pimp-tight fight. For reasons known only ta God, I’ve had quite uh few tough ones in muh ma fuckin life. But I learned an important lesson along da way. In da end, it matters less dat ya can fight. What ya fight fo’ iz da real tess.

[re=87606]gurukalehuru[/re]: thank you so much! This comment just perked me up no end, seriously. Especially since I just heard an NPR interview with a woman in Biloxi who lost every damn thing in Katrina, and has yet to have any of it replaced, and who had some incredibly lovely and articulate things to say about her city’s mayor along the lines of: don’t even bother asking the mayor for help unless you’re a multi million dollar casino.

Why do Sarah Palin and our country’s small town mayors hate small town Americans?

You rock the house. And you can thank Sarah Palin for all the bucks, because she probably shot them all.

donner_froh

[re=87615]njdon[/re]:

When a customer (me, for example) of a bank writes a check on funds that haven’t been deposited in the account to cover it, they call it “check kiting”, which is bad.

When banks do it they call it “playing the float” which is good.

lilblackcorvette

Thank ya’ll for coming. I’ma break a little somethin somthin off for ya’ll. Hol’ up’ Hol up let me holla at ya’ll for minute. Me and home girl right here gonna hook ya’ll up.
We going up D’C. and show them bitches how we do it. THey spendin loot like they scarface and shit. That shit is played out. We ain’t havin it. Now Im gonna go down there and snitch on all them bitches. Now most of the time I ain’t no snitch. But I’m not going to snitch to po-po. I’ma snitch to ya’ll cuz it’s ya’ll money. And they can’t do shit cuz my boy Petraeus got the military on lock.
We just aint having this shit no more. I mean check this shit out: my cousin Daekwon can’t read, his daddy got shot and his mother can’t get a j-o-b. That shit is wack. Me and home girl gonna get erybody in D.C. to. top acting they don’t give a fuck and help a nigga out. Ya’ll can change the game up too. You know they got baybay kids up at Martin Luther King elemtary> Them teachers ain shit and the kids are off the damn chain. Go up there and help them out. At least till you get a job. We gonna do our best but you know i did a bit over in Nam ain my shit is kinda fucked up. So ya’ll gotta help . For real. I mean for real, we can do this shit. HAve a blessed day.

shortsshortsshorts

[re=87674]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: You rock and have made the weekend for me. While that wasn’t quite straight up jive-ebonics, you deserve all 50 bucks. You may find them here.

I’m just trying to stimulate the Wonkette economy before McCain ruins us all.

lilblackcorvette

[re=87684]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: well, not to beat a dead horse but you knoww where I want my money sent……teehee barackobama.com

lilblackcorvette

you’re funny. Did you see the reindeer joke? What’s the difference between reindeer nuts and beer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.59. Reindeer nuts are under a buck.

btwbfdimho

“Silver State Bank customers with accounts exceeding $100,000 can contact the FDIC at 1-800-523-8177 to set up an appointment”.
The little nation of whiners with less than $100K just wait and shut the fuck up.

The 3-Legged Man

I implore anyone and everyone to go to http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/ and scroll down and watch the Joe Biden video. If you want to see the speech that would have been perfect had the Dems gone second on the convention schedule, this is it. If you want to see someone who shows how a gifted speaker moved by passion can tear the sphincter of the hypocrites of the Republican party to absolute tatters, this video is something that will get your blood boiling.

As the Republicans spin a protective cocoon about Palin, Biden emerges as the type of brilliant mind and gifted oration that brings an energy and a reassurance that any theocrat-fearing person will find emboldening.

We aren’t faced with the possibility of four more years of Bush/Cheney in the McCain/Palin ticket. We are faced with their evil distilled into a concentrated mass, garbed in strident religious-based rhetoric and wrapped in a flag I don’t recognize. My god how I despair if people vote these cretins into office.

Johnny Zhivago

[re=87682]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: You know, if Sarah would come around here and shoot the freaking deer that eat all our shrubs she might get my vote.

John McCain makes occasional mention of his friend, Admiral Chuck Larson, whose distinguished career includes the command of nuclear submarines and the management of the Naval Academy.

Not as well known but by no means concealed is Larson’s link to Washington’s ViaGlobal Group, the successor company to ViaFinance and Galway Partners.

ViaGlobal was serving as the “business incubator” for Rosetta Research and Consulting LLC, best known as the company involved in luring Afghan tribal chieftain and accused drug kingpin Haji Bashar Noorzai to the U.S., where he was arrested in April of 2005.

One of Rosetta’s Department of Defense sponsors, believed to be a senior staff member in the Office of the Secretary of Defense, brokered an introduction to CNN military commentator General David Grange, who serves as an advisor to ViaGlobal.

Grange made the initial arrangements between Rosetta, represented by former Katten Muchin Zavis Rosenman partner and ex-NSC attorney Joseph Myers, now with the International Monetary Fund, and ViaGlobal’s chairman, Frank Gren.

Another former Katten Muchin Zavis Rosenman partner, Carole Van Cleefe, brokered a deal between Rosetta and Oracle. Oracle project managers Barbara Bleiweiss and Peter Bloom attempted to establish a joint venture using an existing contract vehicle with the Foreign Terrorist Tracking Task Force (FTTTF), but was unsuccessful due to Rosetta’s cost demands.

Gren and his colleagues sought to obtain additional funding for Rosetta, as millions of dollars in investment money had been spent on payments to secure the confidence of Noorzai. Myers, Gren, and others sought sources of funding such as a contract with the FBI as well as an investment from fallen tobacco lawyer Dickie Scruggs.

ViaGlobal appears to have used McCain, acting through staffer Chris Paul, to divert a 2004 FBI internal investigation into dealings between Rosetta contractors and certain FBI employees. This was the subject of a meeting held with the FBI’s Deputy Director John Pistole in late 2004.

In mid 2006, the Department of Justice’s Office of the Inspector General conducted an investigation into criminal activities of the same FBI employees. Rosetta’s phone, email, and contractual records were subpoenaed. In addition, several Rosetta officials and advisors were questioned for several weeks.

Papers filed as part of the Noorzai case show that Rosetta, acting under the orders of senior U.S. officials, promised Noorzai he would not be arrested. Rosetta also paid substantial sums to various foreign government officials who then lied to Noorzai about the actual purpose of the meetings. Noorzai had been indicted as a drug kingpin, and since efforts to secure his cooperation in other matters had failed, the decision was made to bring him to the United States and arrest him.

The papers also show that Rosetta sought and obtained in excess of ten million dollars from investors, who believed they were investing in a security company.

Instead, the money was being used to finance the lavish and extensive travel needed to locate Noorzai and gain his confidence. The investors are understandably upset, but since the Rosetta principals are known only as “Mike” and “Brian” no success has been had in locating them.

Rosetta also had improper relationships with a handful of FBI employees, who were later investigated for contributing to Rosetta’s alleged violations of the Foreign Corrupt Practices and Neutrality Acts.

As part of the incubation arrangement, ViaGlobal sought to obtain ownership of Rosetta’s proprietary database of terrorist financiers as well as access to the extensive network of contacts in the Middle East developed as part of the dealings with Noorzai.
###

Clean for Gene

[re=87689]The 3-Legged Man[/re]: Thanks for posting that link. What a great response. I’m impressed that Joe Biden could call up that Harry Truman quote so quickly. I cannot wait for the VP debate. I will make it my mission to do all I can to make sure this video goes viral.

azw88

Hmmmmmm……. Senator McCarpetbagger of Arizona clinches the nomination for his party and Andy-Mac leaves his job for personal reasons… Now, could it be that daddy-mac asked him to dump the job before regulators closed it down??? Maybe one of Mr.McCleanelectionsstratightalker had some inside info and wanted his son out to save the family name?

Unindicted Co-Conspirator

Oh for the good old days of LBJ & Jimmy Carter.
Both had brothers that were drunks, that’s all, just drunks.

Sam Houston Johnson lived in the White House with LBJ & was poured into bed every night by the Secret Service & Billy just tried to make some money selling beer flavored water.

1ofUS

A bankrupt bank is a corrupt money changer: they change the money into magic notes that flitter from their flutes and you just have to listen to that on the telephone if you try to call and find out what’s up. Over and over and over ad nauseum.

Miller

It’s barely hanging on by a thread, John’s just putting it out of it’s misery. Like the nation’s golden retriever. John’s going to put it on a nice farm where it’ll live happily.