This is the spiritual journey of me, Eccles, my big brother Bosco, and my Grate-Anti Moly. Eccles is saved, not sure about Bosco, and we've got real problems with Anti.

This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 9 August 2017

Catholic converts - are they all nutters?

A special in-depth analysis for Crux, by
Austen Ivereigh, with additional
insults from Michael Sean Winters and Massimo Faggioli.

Converts!!?? Arentchasickofem??!! Blimey, I think they're all neurotic!!?? Not like me!!?? I've got a badge from
my brain-care specialist saying that I am "almost sane"!!??

Shouldn't all converts wear one of these??!! Stands to reason, innit!!??

Pope Francis tells me that he has a serious problem with converts. Unlike most Catholics they
have actually taken the trouble to study the teachings of the Catholic Church, and they
keep tripping him up every time he gets it wrong. This is what we intellectuals
call "a distorted hermeneutic". Curiously, that's also what my doctor told me I had got, when I strained
myself throwing stones at converts. But I no longer need to wear a truss for it.

When I was press secretary to the Archbishop of Westminster, he drew my attention to a little-known convert called St Paul. We don't hear much
about him these days, but my researches have shown that he was clearly neurotic!! Well, there you are then!!

Edith Stein - another neurotic convert. H/T @drcrouchback

A neurosis is a pathological or extreme reaction to something that simply doesn’t correspond to reality. For example, a sample of Crux readers were asked for their
reactions to my writing:

10% were suicidal,
20% said "I'm a teapot, I'm a teapot",
50% had severe bruising to their heads through repeated facepalms,
and the other 20% said they could no longer sleep with the light out in case the Ivereigh Monster came to eat them up.

A friend in Ireland writes: "I keep seeing people who seem to have converted because
they believe what the Church teaches. What a change from the old days, when Catholics were Catholics because their parents were, and
it was considered bad form to mention religion at home!"

Enda, you're right!!

Enda Kenny, the most prominent "Catholic Voice" in Ireland!!

Conversion should be an act of humility. New Catholics should
say themselves "Am I as humble as Austen Ivereigh?" They should
forget all that they have learned about Catholic doctrine, and
listen to the wise voices of people like me. It means faith - in the Pope and in me!! It means trusting that the Pope is guiding the Holy Spirit,
and that I can do no wrong!!

Francis is the first to invite criticism - it bounces off him like water off a duck's back.
Yes, he is always willing to clarify Catholic teaching,
as Cardinal Meisner could have told you, if he hadn't died while waiting for an answer!!

9 comments:

Nasty Protestant gatecrashers . All they're after is a full set of Sacraments and a chance to show off their Latin. I had that Edmund Pevensie in the back of my sleigh once. Splitters the lot of them. Now if you'll excuse me , I have got yet another unwanted tenant bumming a sofa in my potting shed while lecturing me on how to suck eggs. He'll have to go when Phil gets back from his holidays in Connaught.

I really, really enjoyed this post, Mister Eccles, Sir.Laughed so loud my ex-Calvinist body is now aching. Hard to be a convert these days. Especially one converted by one of the two previous rigid and bad popes. Most certainly the baddest of the bad, "Father Benedict". Mister Ivory scares me, LOL!

Last year I was a deplorable person, now I'm an escaped lunatic? Well, whatever. At least I escaped Protestantism and am no longer the person I used to be. Now I'm a deplorable lunatic. But guess what? I'm a happy deplorable lunatic because now I know what truth is.

And some of these converts, they don't Join For The Right Reasons - such as supporting Justice'n'Peace, Ecumenism, Being Good to Gaia, Tweeting, Fighting for 'Equality' (i.e. Women-Priests) and Celebrating the Sheer Wondrousness of the LGBT Community, which are after all the only True Motives for being a Catholic.

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Bishop of Lancaster's cup for well-placed ad hominem attacks

Eccles has been named as one of the 100 most influential saved people in Notting Hell, by the prestigious Calumny Chapel Parish Newsletter.