I’ve fulminated before against kinky people who think that their own level of kink is just peachy, but are quick, even eager, to condemn other kinky people who may take the game a little further. Normally I just laugh, but when these kinky prudes graduate from mere condemnation and start trying to marginalize and silence other kinky people by stirring up an attempted de-linking campaign, I tend to get pissed off.

Today I received a form letter that’s evidently going out to multiple kinky bloggers. The form letter came from a known blog-spammer (someone I’ve placed on permanent moderation because he’s repeatedly tried to comment on this blog with trivial lightweight comments that seem designed mostly to promote his own blog link). The new spam says (with my comments in italicized curly brackets):

I am contacting you about a site you are trading links with. {Lie. I’ve never linked to the site in question. This, plus the lack of a personalized salutation, flags the email as a mass mailing campaign.} I have been advised by adult webmasters everywhere NOT to do what I am doing, {advice that should have been taken} but I feel I simply must do this. I have been told this is going to hurt my own website more then anything, {one can only hope} but I still feel I must contact about this matter. I believe others will get hurt and are getting hurt because of a blog you are linking to. {Only I’m not linking to it, see? Bah, I hate peasants with torches and pitchforks, they’ll say anything to get a good lynching going.} Being involved in the BDSM lifestyle I think its important that others are safe over top of the success of my website. {And who appointed our poison pen letter writer the arbiter of what is safe?}

The blog I am referring to is that of {Deleted. If I saw a man trying to rouse a lynch mob against the devil himself, I’d hide Old Scratch in my woodpile. I purely hate mobs}. This blog is purely commercial claiming to be a real life bdsm slave. {And the writer knows this how? The commercial part, well sure, but I run ads myself and don’t hold that against a person. And if she claims to be a real life BDSM slave, it would take a real goon to say “you’re not a real slave”. Who died and made this guy the BDSM pope?} Typically i don’t have a problem with this, {Why, how generous!} however in this case the author of the blog is claiming she is there to give advice to real bdsm lifestylers. The advise she promotes is NOT safe, sane, and consensual {Says who? Oh, yah, that’s right, I forgot this guy was the BDSM pope.} as is typically the case in BDSM lifestyle websites. Rather this author is promoting violence and abuse. {Again, says who? One man’s violence and abuse is another woman’s hottest fantasy. Our correspondent, the censorious prude, doesn’t get a vote, unless he’s personally on one or another end of the whip. In fact, from what I can see, it’s none of his business. I haven’t linked to the blog in question because the lady’s slavery is described as being rather more abject than I find hot. But that’s between her and her master, and none of anybody else’s concern.} Lifestylers are finding her blog, commenting that they can’t wait to learn from her, and all in all they are not the porn seekers she needs to generate money from. {So? They are adults, they can read and think for themselves. There’s really rather a glut of bad BDSM advice on the market. Trouble is, no two people agree on exactly which advice is the bad stuff. What makes this guy’s opinions special?}

This means a lot of people are following her advise and getting involved in abusive relationships and believing this is normal. {Really? Do we know these “lot of people”? Do they have names? Or are we just speculating?} I am asking those sites trading links with this blog to either stop the link trade, or make mention of the fact her blog is strictly fantasy. {Ah, here we are with the attempt to marginalize or silence the kind of kink the letter-writer doesn’t like. And by the way, what’s wrong with fantasy? If I refused to link to blogs containing fantasy, my blogroll would get skinnier in a hurry. Not that there’s any way to tell in particular cases.} I don’t want her site to be unsuccessful, {Um, obviously that’s untrue. Why don’t these prudes ever nut up and admit they are waging a campaign of marginalization and attempted shunning?} but at the same time I don’t want others believing she is a serious lifestyler to get hurt because of it. {I’m so glad we have this Holy Pope of BDSM to define for others what “getting hurt” means, and to try and save them from it whether or not they want to be saved.} I would like to trade links with your site myself, {That was never likely after the comment spamming} however not unless I am assured that this email is not going to affect a future link trade between our sites. {Oh, it doubtless would, but for the fact that usually I don’t “trade” links anyway.} Would you be willing to trade links with me, {Er, that would be a “No”} and more importantly would you either let others no her blog is purely fantasy {Er, no again, and so what if it is?} or stop the trade altogether? {You mean, take down the link I never had?}

IMO, SSC is overrated — and way too open to others’ critiques of what safety is and what sanity is. I prefer Risk Aware Consensual Kink — what that says is that I know what I am doing, and I do it because it pleases me. Lots less room for the moralizers to insert themselves. :)

Lack of imagination, lack of courtesy, and lack of kindness does not make anyone the arbiter of anything. That is true in the lifestyle just as it ought to be true in all other aspects of life (including government … sigh). Thanks for letting this poor, sorry fool look like just exactly what he is and refusing to further his silly and hurtful “cause.”

I’d like to know the website just so that I can start frequenting it, just to spite this stupid ass. And I’m not into serious abjection either. I understand why you won’t post it, though. I just don’t like paternalism…other people telling me what’s good for me and others. Like you said, who the hell died and appointed this guy BDSM pope?