All I Wanted Was A Friend...

I am turning 20 years old this year. But not a day goes by that I am not affected by the actions of someone during my freshman year of high school. When I was a freshman, I tried my hardest to be invisible. All I wanted was to disappear. When the school musical came around, my mom knew I was talented and told me I should audition. So I did, and I ended up getting a lead role. I got it over a senior, which started the bullying. These three girls, we'll call them Jessica, Rachel, and Kristy, decided that they were going to try and make me pay for taking the part from them. So the insults started, little things that didn't really affect me too much. Sticks and stones right? Then I met "Fred". He became my friend, and texted me just about every night. I got to know him well through our talks and the musical. He seemed like a good guy, always stood up for me when those girls came around. Two weeks before the musical, something changed with Fred. He started teasing me, I thought it was flirting at first. Then it progressed, and got more and more malicious. One day I came to a cruel realization. He was one of them. He was best friends with those three girls, the girls who had personally set out to make my life a living nightmare. After that, my life became hell. He cornered me one day in the changing room, and told me that I was nothing. I was worthless, I should just kill myself. The words didn't end there. He still texted me every night, but now it was telling me to kill myself, that there was no point in living anymore because everyone hated me. One day after practice, he pushed me in the orchestra pit, an eight foot drop. The physical pain was the least painful. His words stung. I hated myself. I wondered why everyone hated me, and began to think that if they hated me, then I should hate me. It only got worse over the summer, even though Fred and those girls had graduated the texts hadn't stopped, and they wouldn't until they went to college. But by the time September rolled around again, I was a shell of what I was. I didn't think I was worth anything, and in October of my sophomore year I contemplated killing myself. I never actually attempted, or came close to attempting, but the thought still loomed. Why did they pick me? Why did they have to target me, and make my life hell? To this day I still think it was a game to them. To this day I do not understand, but I don't think that I want to. Because understanding would mean there was good reason to it. Two years ago, I started speaking out about what happened. My parents did not even know until then because I was so bottled up about what had happened. But once I let it out, I knew I could make a difference. Bullying sucks. Those who bully, are weak inside and hurting from something themselves. They are missing the one thing that makes life worth living, love. I am stronger now for my pain, but no child should have to go through this, especially not alone. All I wanted was a friend.

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