The Bacon Heresy

And, lo, did the high priest look upon John Scalzi with scorn… for the eaters of bacon are a heresy, unto good sausageness!

So, allow me to get the record straight.

Sausage kicks bacon’s ass.

Did John Scalzi tape sausage to a cat? Hells, no! Not even the most depraved could contemplate such an utter waste of sausage. You can play with bacon, because… it’s bacon. Still good, but kind of second-rate, sort of like that position player you’re always encouraging, but never actually giving the ball.

blackpine

There are two children I love, and you mock one of them while you praise the other. I mean, remember, hot dogs are suasages too. Likewise there is no blood bacon.

But Bratwurst, and Kielbasa, spicy garlic sausages. But bacon, crisp and smoky with eggs ad blueberry pancakes. It is decided! I shall have all three! Three you say? Bacon, suasage and a bypass operation.

Alex

I remember now a funny conversation I had with a friend in Michigan who converted to Islam and was bummed out that he couldn’t have pork any more – as he loved bacon and sausage. He was lamenting out loud and said “You know….maybe the Imam is onto something saying pork is Haram. I mean, pork tastes so good you feel so sinfully pleasurable afterwords.”