Wednesday, July 29, 2015

It seems that Tesco is so concerned about children's obesity, that it is taking steps to ban certain sugary drinks (eg Ribena and Carpi-sun...is that's some form of motor car from the 70's?) from its stores.

The sugary drinks aimed at children
will be replaced by no-added-sugar alternatives.

Ironically the "non sugar" alternatives include crisps, which are in fact loaded with sugar.

There's irony for you!

As to whether this stems childhood obesity, I doubt it will have any effect whatsoever. Ribena et al can be bought elsewhere. Additionally, Ribena is not the prime cause of obesity.

Will Tesco be banning Coke?

No I thought not!

I drank Ribena as a kid (either with water or milk). I am not obese, I have all my own teeth and I am not diabetic. That being said, I didn't drink it everyday morning noon and night!

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Oh dear, Boris Johnson has fallen foul of Nanny and her health and safety zealots.

For why?

He gave his wife, Marina, a "backie" on his bike while cycling in
London.

Cue the howls of outrage from safety campaigners who were quick to point out that giving a backie is illegal under the terms of the 1998 Road and Traffic Act. Offenders can be fined up to £200.

Seemingly footage of Boris and his wife was obtained by the Sun newspaper (which I would have thought had its hands full with other footage at the moment). It was shot by passengers in a passing car, as the couple cycled along a road in North Kensington.

Monday, July 27, 2015

Kudos to Nanny for coming up with one her most absurd ideas yet, hi-viz jackets for cows.

Hungerford Council were concerned about the health and safety aspects of cows wandering the local roads at night, lest they be hit by a car.

The suggestion made was for the cows to wear hi-viz clothing and, at the suggestion of the mayor, lights strung round their necks!

Suffice to say, the local farmers think that this idea is bollocks. As one farmer pointed out, cows don't always conveniently stand at 90 degrees to an oncoming car. Sometimes cows stand facing the vehicle, as such a hi-viz jacket would not be seen.

The sensible solution is for there to be traffic calming measures, so vehicles are not roaring round the danger areas at night at insane speeds.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Nanny and the food fascists have donned their jackboots again, this time they are marching to war against sugar.

A reports by the Scientific Advisory Committee on Nutrition
(SACN) wants to government to "instruct" adults and children to halve the amount of sugar they consume
and eat almost twice as much pasta, potato and other fibrous foods.

Oh yes?

When did government edicts wrt what we eat ever make a positive impact on people's habits/lives?

Any such edict will simply piss people off and make them even more reluctant to adjust their eating habits.

Nutritionists said that people conforming to the new guidelines would need to make "extreme changes" to their diets. The proposed limit on sugar, 25g for women and 35g for men, is the
equivalent of a single can of coca-cola a day - and no other sugary food
at all.

Analysis obtained by The Telegraph suggests that the thresholds will
leave almost no space for treats and will require the consumption of
eight portions of fruit and vegetables a day, rather than the five
recommended now.

Humans are not robots, they are fallible creatures who enjoy "decadence". Extreme nutritional diktats such as this are guaranteed to fail!

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

As we enjoy a typically lack lustre British summer, those of you who are worried about global warming will be pleased to know that it is bollocks.

Seemingly, according to solar researchers from the university of Northumbria, the earth is 15 years from a "mini
ice-age" that will cause bitterly cold winters during which rivers such
as the Thames freeze over,

Thus validating what Nationwide reported back in the mid seventies!

Fluid movements within the sun, which are thought to create
11-year cycles in the weather, will converge in such a way that
temperatures will fall dramatically in the 2030s.

Solar activity will fall by 60 per cent as two waves of fluid
"effectively cancel each other out", according to Prof Valentina Zharkova.

Therefore if you don't want to freeze in 15 years time, start using more fossil fuels and ensure you maximise your greenhouse gas emissions!

Monday, July 20, 2015

Commiserations to The Carron Fish Bar in Stonehaven, Aberdeenshire, home of the deep fried Mar's Bar.

Nanny, in the shape of Aberdeenshire Council, has taken exception to the banner outside the shop that proudly proclaims it invented the deep friend Mars Bar.

Nanny wants the banner removed.

For why?

"For the good of the community"

What the fark does that mean?

Carron Fish Bar owner, Lorraine
Watson, is quoted by the BBC as saying that the proposed ban was "ridiculous" and she would "definitely
not" be taking the banner down.

"Thousands and
thousands of tourists come from all over the world to purchase the deep
fried Mars bar from the birthplace.

They stand outside under the
banner with their Mars bar, smiling from ear to ear, then go home and
let all their friends and family see it.

We have no idea why the council would want this banner taken down, bearing in mind it takes thousands of visitors to the town.

Isn't that what we are trying to do? Aren't we trying to boost tourism in Scotland?"

Aberdeenshire Council issued Mrs Watson with a letter:

"Following a thorough walkabout and inspection, an action plan has been drawn up.

Many
of the actions would fall to individual property owners and one of them
relates to your property. What needs to be done: Remove banner."

A spokesman for Aberdeenshire
Council said:

"Together with a range of community organisations we have
been looking at ways to improve the look of Stonehaven for the benefit
of residents, businesses and visitors.

An action plan has been
created in conjunction with the Stonehaven Town Partnership, Community
Council, Stonehaven Business Association and the Horizon Group.

As
part of the action plan we have asked some owners in the area to
consider making alterations to their properties. This included asking
the owners of The Carron Fish Bar to consider removing their banner.

We
do not wish to prevent the owners from promoting their business and we
would be happy to have discussions with them regarding the banner."

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

As loyal readers know, Nanny's virulent hatred of fags knows no bounds. However, kudos to Brighton and Hove council for excelling even Nanny's rabid hatred of fags and making utter knobheads of themselves.

It transpires that Brighton and Hove could become one of the first places in the UK to ban smoking in its parks and on its beaches.

Councillors
are being asked to approve a public consultation, to extend the
voluntary ban in playgrounds to other public spaces in the city.

“The
health benefits of smoke free areas and protecting children from
second-hand smoke are well established.

We’re keen to keep people safe from the effects of smoking in public
areas, especially children who are most vulnerable. However we also
want to ensure any measures taken have support of residents in the city.
The report is a welcome addition to the meeting agenda.”

What utter bollocks!

It is not at all well established that passive smoking is in anyway harmful in the open air.

Maybe he should direct his attention to the toxic effects of the congested roads of Brighton instead!

The areas being proposed to become smoke free, following
consultation, are locations where children are most likely to be
present, especially during school holidays at times when the parks and
beaches are busiest.

In the event that these proposals become law, I would like to ask the council how the fark they intend to enforce the rules?

I ask, because the beach is farking long and has, in peak season, over 40,000 visitors per day.

It is ironic that the council are so keen to divert its staff and the police to enforce a smoking ban on the beach; because they have done fark all to stop abusive drinkers, drug takers, tent communes etc from blighting the beachfront and city's parks over the past few years.

There was even a rave on the beach the other week, that left in its wake 60 used needles, broken glass, vomit, urine and human faeces. Where were the police, council and local media when this was on and when the people who have businesses on the beachfront were left to clean up the shit?

Congratulations to Brighton and Hove council, well deserving Knobheads of The Millennium!

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

There has been a fuss in the media recently over the resignation of Camila Batmanghelidjh, from her position of CEO of a charity Kids Company that she founded.

It transpires the heart of the issue relates to non payment by the charity of nearly £700K of unpaid National Insurance to HMRC in 2003.

HMRC has written off £589,587 of the amount owed (at the taxpayers' expense) and Nanny, it seems, will hand over £3M of taxpayers' money to continue to fund the charity.

Laurence Guinness, director of communications at Kids Company, is quoted by the Third Sector saying that
the charity had:

"experienced a delay in making National Insurance
payments to HMRC as resources were focused on meeting the immediate
needs of a high number of vulnerable children with complex needs who
were not receiving statutory support".

Friday, July 10, 2015

In a poll of 1,000 people conducted by the RAF Benevolent Fund one in ten 18 to 24-year-olds thought the Battle took place last year,
with the same number thinking it was a Viking attack when presented with
multiple choice answers.

Thursday, July 09, 2015

The Telegraph reports an interesting case that came to court over a man who washed a kid's mouth out with soap (a rather popular Victorian punishment for "potty mouths"), and the mother's reaction not accepting that her son had done wrong.

Here is the article in full:

"A man washed a child's mouth out with
soap after the youngster swore at him and tried to kick an old man's
walking stick, a court heard.

Ryan Birtwell, 23, spotted the six-year-old's behaviour in a park near his home and confronted him.

Birtwell had seen the boy kick an elderly man's cane and told him to
stop - but the youth told him to "f*** off" and called him a "gay boy", a
court heard.

Birtwell then walked into a nearby shop and bought a three pack of soap and pinned the boy down and stuck a bar in his mouth.

The boy told his family about the incident on April 11 in Washington, Sunderland, and they contacted police.

Birtwell pleaded guilty to assault at Sunderland Magistrates' Court and
was given a 12-month conditional discharge and ordered to pay £85 court
costs and a £15 victim surcharge.

Jason Smith, mitigating, said: "Ryan is walking along the road minding his own business.

"He is a young man who is very affable. He sees the boy run across to
an old gentleman with a stick and tries to kick the stick away.

"He remonstrates with him to which the boy - who the police, I have to
say, accept that he is slightly out of control and perhaps not the best
of young individuals - says to Ryan to f*** off.

"Ryan
says to him to stop swearing and when he doesn't he says back 'stop
swearing or I will wash your mouth with soap,' something that used to
happen in the good old days.

"He fully accepts in
hindsight that that was not the best way to react. All Ryan was trying
to do was teach the little boy some manners. Unfortunately, manners are
in short supply nowadays."

The court on Wednesday heard that a witness said Birtwell, of Washington, had been called a "gay boy" by the youth.

The witness heard Birtwell say he was going to buy some soap and "wash his mouth out with it".

Prosecutor Glenda Beck said: "The injured party was playing in the park
which is close to his home address. The defendant approached him and
there was an exchange of words.

"The defendant went to a
shop and returned with a bar of soap. He pinned the injured party down
to the floor and pushed the bar of soap into his mouth."

Speaking after the hearing the boy's mother said: "Things are not as bad as have been said.

"I admit that my son swore and he was wrong for that, but like I said to the police at the time, kids do that kind of thing.

"At the end of the day, he is a 23-year-old bloke who has assaulted a six-year-old. The sentence is a joke."

Peter Bradley, director of Kidscape, which tackles bullying and
safeguarding issues in relation to children, said both Birtwell and the
boy could learn a lesson.

He said: "I think the main
message that people should take from this case is that adults are adults
and they should act appropriately when dealing with children.

"If a child is acting in the wrong manner then it has to be dealt with in the appropriate ways.

"In this instance, without doubt Ryan was wrong, but hopefully some
support has been put in place so that this boy can learn from his
actions too."

It seems to me jamming a bar of soap into a kid's mouth is a lot less violent than the scenes we witness everyday on beaches, supermarkets etc; where parents scream foul abuse at their screaming kids, in the deluded expectation that this will somehow calm them down and restore discipline.

Wednesday, July 08, 2015

Kudos to Broxbourne Borough Council for making utter knobheads of themselves (and costing taxpayers £8K), over a farcical dispute regarding a dropped orange peel.

Luke Gutteridge accidentally dropped an orange peel (which is biodegradable), then binned it immediately and apologised to the Broxbourne Borough
Council-contracted officer.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, Mr Gutteridge was fined £75.

Instead of bending over and taking it, Mr Gutteridge went to court.

Suffice to say the case was dismissed, and the council claimed that lessons would be learnt.

Pah!

Tim Hutchins, Broxbourne council member
for environmental protection, is quoted by the BBC:

"Clearly we thought we had
sufficient evidence to bring this case. The costs were not awarded
against us and I think that's a fair indication the court believed the
case had been properly brought."

Bollocks, they lost and the costs of Mr Guterridge's defence will be met by the taxpayer.

As the Budget is delivered today (see live tweets here), many councils will bleat and snivel about the cuts they will have to bear. However, do not forget that councils are very wasteful of our money and cannot be trusted to run a piss up brewery!

Friday, July 03, 2015

A "vicious" fox trapped eight people inside a sports club for three hours as it stalked them from the car park.

The animal appeared as people were preparing to leave Alconbury Sports and Social Club, Cambridgeshire.Panic
reigned, with a woman being bitten, a man falling off his bicycle as he
was chased and a pest controller being pursued back to his car.Club chairman Bruce Staines, who was chased around the car park, said he had "never seen anything like it".Mr Staines admitted he "tweaked his groin" trying to get away from the marauding animal and back to the safety of the club."None of us could get out. When we tried to use a side door, the fox heard and came haring round there."

'Wasn't afraid'

A woman who tried to distract the fox with food sustained a bite to her hand.A man who tried to outpace the creature on his bicycle was chased into a field and fell off, losing his glasses in the process."He had to fend the fox off with his bicycle," Mr Staines said.
The fox trapped people inside the club for about three hours, stalking them from the car park
Club members ended up
barricaded inside the building, watching the fox on the CCTV system as
it stalked outside, at about 22:00 BST on Saturday.The local pest controller was called, but when he tried to approach the animal it "went for him" and chased him back to his car.The fox was eventually caught and destroyed.

The pest controller's view

Graeme Brown, a pest controller for 18 years, was called in to help those trapped inside the club."The fox started circling my car as soon as I arrived," he said.He
tried to move it on by stamping his feet, shouting and waving his arms
but when it refused to move he was "forced to beat a retreat".He said he had "never come across such a forward and aggressive fox as this one"."People who don't know about these animals should not approach them and never feed them. You're asking to be bitten."Leaving this fox was not an option. I have no doubt about that," he said."It was active in the area of a play park and I would not be prepared to put children at risk.""Foxes
can look very sweet, but as a family-orientated club we had real
concerns about this rather vicious animal. We have hundreds of children
playing in our leagues here," Mr Staines said.He said the pest
controller suggested the fox may have been an urban animal, which
somehow found itself in the middle of the countryside."That might be why it wasn't at all afraid of humans."Neither the Wildlife Trust nor RSPCA was prepared to comment on the behaviour of the fox as their staff had not seen the animal.

Thursday, July 02, 2015

Despite Nanny's hysteria over the last few days about the so called "heatwave". Wherein she lectured us to hydrate, keep cool and stay inside if we were vulnerable; I am not aware of thousands of corpses littering the streets dead from "heat".

In fact the last couple of days of warm weather have now given way to rain, it's pissing down here on the South coast.

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