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Author
Topic: Im sorry If Im quite most of the time on here! (Read 2859 times)

jerry

Living in the area that I live in is really hard to find people to talk too. On an average day I can log on to the computer and open YIM, MSNIM, and come on here and it is usually the same everyday. I get so tired of coming in to this place and not really knowing what to say or how to say it. I feel like sometimes you have to be extra smart to even take part in some of the threads on here.

I have gotten to know most of you on here just by reading some of your threads. Also meeting some of you back in November when we meet in Nashville was great. But when you live in an area like I do its hard to meet people. I started a blog on MYPAGE.COM, and when you go to search for people in my area affected or gay at that matter I usually return back to zero. It is really a shame to know that during this day and time that people are afraid to come out or at least say there not afraid of disclosure.

I don't have a job. I could probably count all of my friends on one hand. Most of them are just my family members. It would be so nice to get in the car and travel around but in this day and time with no money its hard to even do that. I know I would love to try and get to know more of you on here but just saying the right words just never comes out right. So I usually try and keep to myself and stay in the background and watch and read the threads to see what is really going on with the bunch. My fought I know being shy does not help much either. So I just wanted to post a thread today and explain how I felt.

I know how you feel- I have moved about for a year or so, due to my work and my bfs work. I find it hard to make friends and have had some experiences with people betraying me and I feel I cant let my guard down with people, and I tend to hide myself away sometimes

I know its difficult, but sometimes baby steps help. I joined a gym, and although I am quite shy there I can speak to people before classes and ask how they are. I see the same people most weeks. Maybe one day Ill arrange a drink with them? I dont know

There is also forum meets, I saw some here, but also another forum Im on they have a meet. I might go to one if they have one near me.

But other than that, you are not alone, far from it. Thats why the internet is so fab- It means we can meet people of all different races and situations, and make friends we would never have met, and get great support, all at the end of a computer

Sorry to hear about the darn isolation thing still causing you distress. I don't know what the answer is, but I hope you are able to find one soon.

On the other hand, you shouldn't ever feel like you have to sit back and be quiet here in the forums. I know there are times when people might not respond to a thread or a comment, but that probably has more to do with the volume of activity (things are easily overlooked unless you are logged in 24/7).

Finally, in just about 2 months, you'll be getting lots and lots of hugs and smiles. I know I am getting very excited about that. Feeling a little like a kid anticipating Christmas.

Jerry you know the old saying"silence is golden". That is something I know I should practice more. It seems like people who say the least probably are the ones who have the most to say...or are the most insightful.

I know isolation is so numbing...just seems to suck the energy right out of you. Rural or city it doesn't seem to matter...I know where you are coming from. Well, at least you made me think today there is someone beside me out there and I thank you for that.

Sounds like you are going to Montreal...after a weekend with these knuckleheads you will be praying for some isolation.LOL Have a great time and we want all the gory details.

I understand where you are at. I've struggled with feeling lonely most of my life. Even when it seemed there were tons of people around me who cared for me. It's a hard one to figure out.

I agree with Gary about friends vs. acquaintances. I have been pretty lucky in that my best buddies have been around awhile. One I've known for 36 years, another 26 and three for 20 years. All of them are straight and can't understand why their old buddy is playing for the other team but they love me and are never more than a phone call or email away. And of course now there is the love of my life, my best buddy. I love to just listen to him talk about his thoughts and dreams and to hear him laugh. He is a blessing.

One thing that my dad always told me which grated upon me at the time, but which I have found to be true is this: To have a friend, you must be a friend. When I was struggling with the depression, that was the last thing I wanted to do, to reach out and be a friend to someone else, but it was one of the few things that really helped. Getting outside of myself is healthy for me, cause sometimes I can be a self centered little brat. lol Look for some way to reach out and get involved if you can, in anything. It really helps.

As far as the online friends, even these forums can be somewhat daunting at times. So many people here seem to know each other and there are lots of inside jokes and things which I do not get. I almost stopped coming here after a week. But I stuck it out and am glad. Like anything else in life you find all kinds of people but for the most part I appreciate everyone here. And although I can't say I have met any of these folks, there have been timely and most welcome kind words from people like Zephyr, Hermie, Trish, John, and my hero Moffie.

I am glad you have the chance to go to Montreal. I hope it will rekindle your spirit and remind you that you are not alone. And if you ever need to talk or unload feel free to do so in IM or on here. You are loved and cared for.

Logged

44 year old gay man .......just broke up with the only man I've ever really loved.

I don't have a job. I could probably count all of my friends on one hand. Most of them are just my family members. It would be so nice to get in the car and travel around but in this day and time with no money its hard to even do that. I know I would love to try and get to know more of you on here but just saying the right words just never comes out right. So I usually try and keep to myself and stay in the background and watch and read the threads to see what is really going on with the bunch. My fought I know being shy does not help much either. So I just wanted to post a thread today and explain how I felt.

Hi Jerry,

I don't often check in or post for that matter, but your post touched me today.

Feeling a sense of disconnect can often be a part of living with this dang virus in us.

I live on a couple of disability pensions (so no chance to meet any work mates there), and only a handful of true friends as well, and I would rather turn to them when I need support (or whatever) than turn to people who don't know me well, or me them. I do that in both my online and actual life. The two go hand in hand for me. So by all means, keep on posting. I mean, what more appropriate place to share your thoughts and feelings?

The shy part of me hesitates to take a leap of faith in meeting new people. In fact, I have a natural dislike of groups, preferring one on one interaction. So actually, I find this Internet thing of great value in communicating. Without it I might tend to isolate a lot more often. Probably compared to many people my life is rather dull and boring besides. LOL

Anyhow, blah blah blah, I just wanted to say that I appreciated reading your candor.

Daniel

Logged

MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

jerry

You know I feel like this is the only place on the internet I can turn to for support and a talk from time to time if it wasn't for me finding this site I really don't think I would even have a computer. Thanks you guys are the best.

You know, way back in my old party days, I thought I had plenty of friends. What a joke it was believing that. Of course, when one is intoxicated most of the time, any bar room aquaintance, can all of a sudden become "best buddy"( and they love you even more, when your buying the drinks

I can count my true friends, on less then the one hand. They are very few, but these are friends that have stuck by me through thick and thin all these years. People that I can depend on, when need be. I believe you have that here...

I know your hurting, But, you have to take the bull by the horns, and remember, you do have your Montreal trip coming up shortly !!! I feel things taking a turn-around for you. !! After your Montreal trip , start planning your next get-a way !! I know the money situation can be tight. See what you can do to make a little on the side, that won't jeopardize any Gov't assistance that you may be receiving. There has got to be some ways to make a few buck out there.