Mike Pence Spacing Out

I am happy to report some good news in the dark and deadly atmosphere of fading democracy: President
Trump has finally come up with a job for Vice President Pence beyond tail-wagging and Bible reading.

By now you’ve probably heard the reports that Pence, a Fido-like creature with heavenly ambitions, is promoting a space force that would validate Orson Welles’ alarming vision of Martians landing in New Jersey 80 years ago. (In modern terms it would be cast as Trump landing in the Oval Office for a second term.)

“The time has come,” Pence soared to a Pentagon audience, ” to write the next great chapter in the history of our armed forces to prepare the new battlefield where America’s best and bravest will be called to deter and defeat a new generation of threats to our people, to our nation.” To that end, he wants ‘Congress to put up
$8 billion for the program to show the universe who is the boss. We obviously learned nothing from Sputnik.

The best and bravest, of course, would not include the draft dodging president. But that’s another story that veteran’s groups prefer to ignore.

Still, I have my own vision of a space force that Trump obviously could proclaim successful on his 100th birthday.

“Stephen Hawkins, [stet]”, Trump advised, “told us the air around the moon was so thin that you could drive a golf ball around it for a hundred laps before it was finally sucked into one of those black holes. That’s not fake news. I think I read it in a book. Think of it! Fantastic. Incredibly great. A golf ball that could go that far with one swing!!!”