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Friday, June 28, 2013

Friday Weigh-In

Starting weight: 281 lbs
Surgery day: 261 lbs

Today's weight: 194.4

- 1.6 lb loss

-66.6 lbs loss since surgery

-86.6 lb loss overall

I am still super tight, so it's hard to even feel good about being on track with weight loss. I was able to eat a soupy chili for lunch yesterday, but couldn't finish my usual amount. Then, I had rice with dinner, which was a mistake, but I didn't get stuck. But also wasn't able to eat the usual amount. Then I had ice cream. Because what's better when you're tight than slider foods?

This morning, I was an idiot, and tried to take my morning pills again. I take three morning pills, all of which are tiny. I've taken morning pills since I was a teenager (when I was diagnosed hypothyroid) and this is such an ingrained habit that I didn't even think about it. I've been able to do this the entire eight months (oh hi, forgot to do an eight month update!) that I've been banded. So, I got horribly stuck again. ON A ZYRTEC tablet. And yet again, I'm terrified to eat breakfast, and even cold liquids are going down SLOWLY. I know that I have been pretty lucky while I've been banded, that I've always been able to take my morning pills, and I've always been able to eat breakfast. But to me, that's how the band is supposed to work. I'm supposed to be able to eat and drink everything I need to, and I'm just not supposed to get hungry as often.

I called the lap band clinic to see about the possibility of a slight unfill today, which I did not have high hopes for. They don't do fills on Fridays. They did let me speak with one of the nurses (not the overly aggressive fill one) and she said that if I were to come in today, they have no x-ray tech on duty, so they'd be flying blind and would basically treat it like a dilated esophagus and remove a lot (if not all) of the fluid. If I wait until Monday morning, they can get me in, take an x-ray, and do a barium swallow to make sure everything is okay. Then, if it is, they can just remove a small amount of fluid. Which is, of course, what I want. She advised me to stay on fluids all weekend. Which is NOT what I want. I'll probably comply for the morning, but try solids for lunch and dinner. Otherwise, I'm either going to eat nothing but ice cream, or gnaw my arm off. I'm freaking hungry.

Mostly, I'm just mad at myself. I need to trust my instincts more, especially when it comes to my body. I really felt like .1 was all that I needed to get back to the satiety that I had before. I let the NP talk me into .2, since she thought I could even handle .3. I'm glad that at least I compromised. If I'd had .3, I probably wouldn't be able to get any solids down. As it is, I'm sad that I've lost the ability to eat breakfast, which was a cornerstone of my daily protein plan. And since I'm borderline OCD and a control freak, I hate that I can't fix this myself.

4 comments:

Oh man... do I feel fortunate that I was able to get in right away when I was too tight. I do hope this weekend goes well for you. I agree with your view of the band, I think we should be able to still eat normal food and swallow pills. Otherwise life would be pretty darned lame.

Kay I'm so sorry. Don't be mad at yourself for listening to the nurse, and besides, you DID listen to yourself when you talked her down to .2 You HAVE learned next time you won't go more than .1 I really hope your plan of liquids in the morning works for you. I totally understand your frustration, but I don't see how you could have known the future. It sounds like every time you get more information, you are using it to make the best choices you can under the circumstances. Keep taking good care of yourself, and I hope you can enjoy your weekend, make good choices with your food and your band, and Monday get it sorted out if you need to get some fluid taken out.

And even if you aren't happy about your loss, which I get... I'm happy/jealous. ;-D 194.flippin4. ;-D I hope that is not dysfunctional of me, if it is, just ignore me. But don't gnaw your arm off, even I know that would be too far... ;-D (I try to gnaw no further than my fingernails, on a bad day. Maybe a cuticle.)

If it's dysfunctional to be jealous, then I'm a mess. Your legs are so much thinner than mine! Thanks for the encouragement! The weekend wasn't too bad. I had the excuse of a tight band to have wine before mushy lunch and dinner all weekend.