Don’t call it a comeback! Okay, yes, call it a comeback. Biggest Loser did. Bob and his Comeback Canyon champion return to the Ranch and Rob is not happy about it. But when is Rob ever happy about anything?

Is there anything better than giving a bunch of semi-fatties a wash and a scrub and then stuffing them into clothes that don’t quite fit yet and unleashing them on unsuspecting family members and friends? No. No, there isn’t. Welcome to Makeover Week!

There seems to be an obsession this week with making the contestants climb up on top of really tall things and then leap to certain death. Maybe the trainers are hoping to have a little poolside time while they’re in Hawaii and killing off their charges is the easiest way. Smart.

Ah, Hawaii … the surf, the sand, the ice addicts, and now that the Biggest Losercrew is headed there, the beach burpees. That sounds much better than sitting poolside and watching the sun set. Much better.

Hm? What? What do you mean Biggest Loser is back? They’ve been off since mid-November! Why would they come back during the holiday break? It makes no sense! Well, okay, I’ll recap it, but I won’t like it.

President Obama thought talking about immigration law was more important than watching a bunch of semi-porkers sweating Crisco in the gym. So without knowing the theme this week, we’ll just have to wing it.

The lopsided teams get a much-needed reshuffling as most of the players get new trainers. And, you guessed it, whine about it. You’re on the show to lose weight! Who cares who’s screaming in your face at the gym?

After the world’s dullest softball game – and that’s saying something – the contestants play a variation of Dunk the Clown, said clowns being their respective trainers. It’s all fun and games until someone plunges into the pool in $1,500 shoes.