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An attachment question

Ok, my 10 month old is really attached to me. He is also really attached to the lady who keeps him and my 2 year old. They love her, which is really good because I have to work full time. Well, my child care giver takes vacation from time to time (thats fine because everyone needs a vacation). But when she does my sister in law keeps my 10 month old and 2 year old. Well they both freak out when she comes to stay. My 2 year old does better but my 10 month old just cries. Well I called to check on them and she said my baby was already back to sleep. Well he had just woke up and nursed when I left. I just can't believe he was already back to sleep. I worry that he is sleeping because he is sad she is staying with him today. And he never takes his milk from her I must be the most paranoid mother. So I really don't know what my question is. I guess I just wanted to voice my worry out loud to other moms who can give me comfort.

Re: An attachment question

I don't think you sound paranoid, I think you sound like an observant and caring mom.

It sounds to me that you have fostered a normal, strong, healthy attachment with your children, and they also have a strong relationship with their usual caregiver as well. This early attachment is so important for a lifetime of emotional health and success forming relationships (which usually means, a more successful life overall) research is starting to show. So this is great!

It is entirely normal for children to feel stress when away from those they have a strong attachment too, even when they are being well cared for. When stress levels in such situations have been studied, it showed that the younger the child was, the higher the stress response tends to be. But I think that it often appears more pronounced in older babies and younger toddlers (9-18 months or so.) This is often referred to as "separation anxiety" which makes it sound like a disorder, which it most certainly is not. It is a normal and healthy response to the situation.

It also sounds like these are unavoidable and relatively rare days. Your child may be responding by sleeping more, or they may simply be more tired today. Not eating under such situations is common too, and is not usually a big concern when it is occasional and the child is overall healthy, and/or child can make up for it when home with you.

Either way, this is not going to harm your child long term, because of the strong attachments they have formed with you and their usual caregiver. Baby may want extra cuddles tonight and that is ok too!

I assume you are confident in your sister in law as a caregiver. She may need support too, because caring for kids who would rather be with someone else is a challenge!

Re: An attachment question

Yes she is very well capable. She has children of her own. They are older, but she has been where I am at. I just hate to see my babies unhappy. I want them to happy all the time. I've always said my children hate being out of their normal routine. I think I hate it as much as they do. lol. And I hope that they both want more cuddles to night because I know I will.

Re: An attachment question

Hi, there. I just wanted tell you thatu I relate. My LO is 3 months old. I had to go back to work at 8 weeks. within a couple if weeks we had to rearrange my work schedule so she could just be at home because she would scream and cry with the care giver while i was gone. she is a very good friend who i trust completely. And LO did this with everyone even her dad. Since eliminating dairy and soy her general temperament has greatly improved in the last week (she was kind of cranky even with me). But she seems to have put herself on a schedule of sleeping the entire time i am at work....I work 5 hour shifts. I was very concerned at first....but now I figure its whatever makes her most comfortable. And its less stressful fir her and the whole household. she wakes from time to time when she is home with DH ....but its usually within an hour of when Im supposed to be home. And she loves her daddy....so i just take this as a compliment. :-) Hope this helps a little.