This is The Spectator, Ian Hamilton’s off-beat look at goings-on in the world of sports.

Hey, did you hear the (now-discarded) route for the Toronto Blue Jays’ victory parade was a long, straight road? The players couldn’t handle curves … And did you hear they’re making a TV series about the way the Cleveland Indians’ pitching staff handled the Blue Jays’ hitters during the American League Championship Series? The show’s called “Breaking Ball,” and stars Bryan Cranston as Terry Francona … Charlie Sheen — who played Indians pitcher Ricky (Wild Thing) Vaughn in the movie “Major League” — offered to throw out the ceremonial first pitch for a World Series game in Cleveland, but the Indians graciously turned down his offer. In other words, they shook him off … Combining two of Sheen’s previous works would give us a new movie about the World Series: “Two and a Half Men Out.”

Trevor Bauer started Game 3 of the ALCS for Cleveland, but didn’t make it out of the first inning because stitches used to close a serious cut on his right pinky let go and a stream of blood ensued. Now comes word that Bauer had an idea on how to close the gash, but didn’t follow through. “I even had a soldering iron in my hotel room,” he told reporters. “Instead of going to the ER, I probably should’ve sealed it closed myself.” One question: Who packs a soldering iron for a road trip? … The Los Angeles Dodgers and Chicago Cubs are meeting in the National League Championship Series, which has made for some interesting viewing for comedy writer Alex Kaseberg. “Why did they dress up a Galapagos turtle in suspenders and put him in the stands behind the plate at Dodgers Stadium?” Kaseberg wondered. “Oops. Sorry. Larry King.”

This week’s wacky soccer story comes from England, where last Saturday’s League One contest between Charlton Athletic and Coventry City had to be stopped right after the opening whistle blew — because fans threw thousands of toy pigs onto the pitch to protest against the two clubs’ owners. The move apparently was the spectators’ way of hogging the spotlight … This was Charlton Athletic’s first Twitter post after the game started: “1′ Play is stopped. Pigs on pitch.” The account’s followers must have been eager to loin more … Automaker Ferrari has unveiled the fastest convertible ever. The LaFerrari Aperta, which costs $2.2 million US, can reach 350 kilometres per hour. Up until now, the fastest thing with its top down was a streaker in Green Bay in January.

Former Cleveland Browns quarterback Johnny Manziel is being sued for more than $350,000 US for allegedly trashing a Hollywood mansion while partying with friends. He’ll have to ask for extra hours at Walmart to pay that bill … There’s a chance the Browns — who currently are winless — may be favoured to beat the New York Jets on Oct. 30. “Provided the Jets have Ryan Fitzpatrick or Geno Smith at quarterback,” noted Bud Shaw of the Cleveland Plain Dealer. “If they go to 73-year-old Joe Namath, all bets are off.” … According to a new poll, 62 per cent of people surveyed believe the Ohio State University Buckeyes football team could beat the Browns. Added Miami Herald columnist Greg Cote: “An unrelated poll found that 62 per cent of people are idiots.”

New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick announced Tuesday that he’s a grandfather for the first time. “Everything going well,” tweeted Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald, “except he keeps taking the nanny cam and moving it to Steelers’ practice.” … Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel noticed that Democratic presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton was campaigning in Florida recently. Added Bianchi: “Her campaign mantra should be: ‘Let’s win in Florida — just like all of those teams that play the Bucs, Jags and Dolphins!’ ” … The last word this week goes to Dallas Mavericks head coach Rick Carlisle, whose team trailed the Houston Rockets 23-6 after just seven minutes of their NBA pre-season game Wednesday. “The beginning of the game was abominable,” Carlisle told reporters after his team’s 106-91 loss. “It was a Donald Trump debate performance.”

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