Friday, October 31, 2008

"Your children will become what you are, so be what you want them to be" - David Bly

I have no idea who David Bly is, but I do believe these words to be true. And I wonder what kind of job I am doing with raising my son. I was embarrassed tonight. I only want the best for him, and am trying to raise a man who will be a positive force in society, who will be polite, and say please and thank you when someone does something for him. Someone who will stop to help a girl change a flat tire, or pick up the things that you just dropped and scattered all over the place. Someone who will be responsible for his own actions, and not leave someone else to always pick up the pieces. Someone who is honest, and reliable, and well mannered. I would love to have someone comment on how good my child's manners are.

We went trick or treating tonight, and I suppose the pursuit of glucose laden treats may not bring out the best behavior in a three year old. I imagine that running from stranger's house to stranger's house basically asking for candy in the form of "trick or treat!" is not nececarily the best way to teach my son to say thank you, or to understand the concept of just being grateful for what you have instead of asking for what you want. This is how it went:

My sister's two older children and my son (Chase) run ahead of my sister's two younger children in a race to the door to ring the doorbell, which they often rang more than once (my apologies to all the residents of my sister's neighborhood). Then the door opened to the usual chorus of "trick or treat!" to which the lovely neighbors would kindly respond with comments on the costumes and the handout of the candy. My son at every other house would then pipe in "I want that one" or rather than the "trick or treat" would simply say, "I want some candy". I didn't actually hear the first few times this occurred as I was waiting by the sidewalk with my baby in the stroller, so once I heard him I tried to correct him, by yelling from the sidewalk, "manners Chase!!" and once he returned to me, to tell him it's not polite to say that (although, we are going door to door basically asking for candy...) So he would say, "ok mom" and proceed to race to the next house to begin it all again. This went on for two trips around the block (once on the outside houses, once on the inside, although most days I do feel like I am going in circles.)

At the end of our trick or treat evenings, we always drive out to my mom and dad's acreage so that they can see the kids all dressed up. My mom likes to make special treat bags for the kids as well. So I pack up my kids and all our luggage that goes along with children and head out on the 10 minute drive to my parent's place. Once there, we take pictures of the kids, and Chase dives into his candy bag, to which I put a stop. He is bringing me candy from the other kids bags to open for them. He goes downstairs to play with the other kids and this is promptly followed by screaming amidst the blink of the lights going on and off, on and off. "QUIT PLAYING WITH THE LIGHTS CHASE!" I tell him firmly, as he likes to play with these lights only at my mom's every time we go there. When I tell him it's time to go, he does the jump-up-and-down-and-cry-cuz-I-think-it-gets-me-what-I-want dance. This is about as much fun as I can handle for one evening.

Don't get me wrong, I love my son. I love my new daughter. I know I am making parenting mistakes that are resulting in this atrocious behavior from my son. And I am embarrassed. I realize now, that my son is truly living what he is learning, as I think it is only human nature to always want more, or once you have something to want something else. It is what keeps us moving forward and striving for better things, improvements on what we already have. But there is something to be said for just being content in the moment, and being happy with what you have. And I also realize I need to model for my children the behaviour I want. Will my three year old still throw tantrums?? Of course. Don't all three year olds? But in between, he can be polite, and be grateful for what he already has. And I will try to do the same.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Well, I am a newbie here in blog land. I'm not sure what made me decide to sign up, but I do enjoy reading other blogs, so I suppose I thought what's the harm? I think my biggest fear is a boring blog, which in a sense I guess really doesn't matter as it's mainly for me anyways, and if anyone reads it, then I take no responsibility for any boredom that you may incur! I think maybe my ramblings will be just that, and of no importance, as the blogs I read all seem so intuitive and clever and funny. I would go for any one of those three things. Maybe this will simply be a place to spew some mental garbage that is rattling around in my head that won't make sense to a three year old or six week old. There is something to be said for adult conversation. I think my page is pretty basic for now, although once I get the hang of it I'm sure I will be sprucing it up.

I have been on maternity leave for 6 weeks now. My son enjoys having me at home, although some days he makes me pull my hair out, actually most days. My sister has always told me that the "three's" are worse than "two's" and I am thinking she was correct in this. She has four kids, she should know. Since I have brought the baby home, my son has been especially rotten, doing anything he can for attention. And don't get me wrong, it's not that he doesn't get special "mommy" time just for him, because he does. I will elaborate more on instances of his crazy behavior that drives me insane on later dates, when specific examples pop into my head, or as they occur. And maybe his behaviour isn't crazy, maybe it's perfectly developmentally normal for a child his age, although it just drives ME crazy.

It's Halloween tomorrow, and he's been asking to go trick or treating all week. I'm sure it will be a blast, we're going with his cousins and they are all stoked. My daughter has a matching costume, so they will be very cute.

Let's end today with a halloween limerick, it's the end of the day so bear with me...