If you're reading this on the East Coast, that means we survived The Rapture which Harold Camping pegged for 6 p.m. in each time zone.

If only CDT, MDT, PDT or whatever they call DT in Hawaii and Alaska are reading this amid reports of impending cataclysm, the East Coast wasn't as lucky as the 17 other time zones that passed 6 p.m. unraptured. Which totally sucks. My request: Avenge us. My advice: Get on an airplane asap to evade the Langoliers.