November is Lung Cancer Awareness month. Lung cancer is the leading cause of death from cancer in both men and women.

Cancer is a horrible disease! I know so many people that have been affected by it, whether that be having cancer themselves or watching loved ones go through their battles. Even with Cancer being so widely known it is something that is not always spoken about. The very word Cancer brings about a lot of fear. In a lot of ways, it is like Voldemort in the Harry Potter series! The very name brings fear and uncertainty. Which is why the wizarding community started referring to Voldemort as “He Who Must Not Be Named” or “You Know Who”. Like Voldemort, Cancer is often avoided in talks and has been shortened to “The Big C”. I think it should be spoken about. Cancer is isolating, and avoiding talking about it only makes it more isolating. I understand that people don’t know what to say to a person who has a diagnosis. It is a lot for people to process. My advice is just to be there. Let the person know that you are there when they want to, and if they need to talk and just be there. Treat the person with dignity and respect and don’t make them feel that they are alone. It really is that simple.

Cancer begins in cells in our body. Cells in our bodies are what makes up the organs and tissue in them. Our bodies heal, grow and repairs itself by cells dividing and new ones being created. Sometimes these can become abnormal and they keep on dividing and creating more abnormal cells that can come together and for a lump, or a tumour. A tumour is not always cancerous though.

The most common symptoms of lung cancer are:

A cough for 3 or more weeks or a change in a cough that you’ve had for a while

A chest infection that doesn’t get better, or repeated chest infections

Feeling breathless and wheezy for no reason

Chest or shoulder pain that does not get better

A hoarse voice for 3 or more weeks

Coughing up blood

Losing weight for no obvious reason

Fatigue

The end of your fingers have changed shape (larger or rounder – clubbing)

If you or someone you know have any of these symptoms, it is best to talk to a doctor and get it checked out.

There are two main types of lung cancer – non-small cell lung cancer and small cell lung cancer. Treatment depends on the type of lung cancer you have. Small cell lung cancer is so named due to the way that the cells look under the microscope. It is fast-growing cancer and spreads quickly.

My nana was primarily diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. When she was diagnosed it had already spread to her adrenal gland. It is thought that it may have spread to her head but she was too ill at the time for the tests to know, but she was showing symptoms that it had.

There are so many different charities and organisations that provide care and support to people and their families through the diagnosis. A quick google search and you will find a lot. Below are links that are full of information, resources and further links to look at.

Check out the Lung Cancer Awareness Month website to find real stories about lung cancer from lung cancer patients, survivors, caregivers and family and friends, http://lcam.org/stories-of-hope/.

Remembrance Sunday is a day to come together and offers an opportunity to reflect and show respect for the sacrifices made by the armed forces in past, and current, conflicts. Especially those who lost their lives.

In recent times there has been ‘controversy’ about wearing a poppy. I don’t understand this, personally. The significance of the poppy is like feminism – has lost its meaning somewhere along the line. People argue that the poppy is now a political symbol. It is used to glorify war, a symbol to support war. That is not the case. The poppy is associated with remembrance as it is a flower that grows naturally in conditions where the earth has been disturbed, which is the case for war and battles. It is said that poppies grew in fields after the Napoleonic wars, and then again was the only flower to grow in otherwise barren fields after the First World War. The poppy appeal was started by the Royal British Legion to raise funds for veterans and their families after the effects of war. I believe the poppy is a symbol, not only of remembrance but of hope! Hope for those veterans, and those serving in the armed forces, that aid and services will be available to them and their families. The Poppy is traditionally worn on the left-hand side of a jacket as it is meant to represent those that we are remembering are close to our hearts.

“Dulce et decorum est” by Wilfred Owen paints a horrendous picture of what life was like for a soldier during World War One. I think poems such as this one, is particularly powerful since it shows just how different this war was to others before it. You can see the atrocities that these men, many of them just young boys, faced. The poem end,

This weekend I have been listening to “Greater love hath no man” by John Ireland. When I was younger I used to sing in a church choir. ‘Greater love hath no man’ was sung at Remembrance Sunday Evensong. It has always stuck with me. I remember singing it fighting back the tears in the cloisters during the service. I don’t know if it’s the words or the music that touches me so much, but I think it is a beautiful piece of music. “Greater love hath no man than to lay down his life for his friend.” This is exactly what every armed forces member is effectively doing. They are ‘fighting for their country’, they are fighting to ‘benefit’ those back at home – their families and friends. If you have never heard it, I recommend looking it up and having a listen.

The effects of the two World Wars and other conflicts have impacted people in countries all over the world. My great papa Peter was in the merchant navy and later a royal marine. He used to tell us a lot about the time, that he was 14/15 and was nearly arrested during the Spanish civil war in 1936. He was also one of the crews stationed on the HMS Belfast during the Battle of North Cape. My nan and my great Auntie have stories about experiences through the blitz. I cannot even begin to imagine the horrors that people have witnessed. Remembrance day and remembrance Sunday are days for people to gather together and remember. It is important to remember! Men and women sacrifice so much in the armed forces. It is important to reflect and remember the lives lost through war! Especially in today’s world! You turn on the news, and there is some horrifying story about conflict and war. The way the world’s politics are going, we very well could be approaching another world war. I hope that is not the case. Days like today are important for this. People need to remember the destruction and the unnecessary loss of life in war. My papa survived the war but so many people did not. The picture above is of wooden crosses with poppies on them that are available that can be put at graves for remembrance. We have written my papa’s name on one, the other one is for my uncle. We have placed the crosses on the respective graves. It is important to remember, to reflect, to learn. It is important to honour and respect those who have died for us, and who put their lives in danger for us. It is important to acknowledge the great sacrifices that our armed forces make for us.

Hearing reports on Thursday 20th about Chester Bennington’s death by suicide at the age of 41 shocked and upset me.

The date of his death looks to be significant as it is the date that his friend Chris Cornell’s (who died by suicide himself 2 months ago) birthday. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays can be very difficult for people. That date can magnify that your loved one is no longer with here, and their loss can be really felt. Losing a loved one can be a trigger for mental health issues. The overwhelming variety of emotions that attack you, the grief and realisation that loved one is not with us anymore are all hard to deal with. This can lead to feelings of self harm or suicidal thoughts/ attempts.

It is a tragedy when any loss of life is due to suicide. There seems to be something more terrifying about it when it is somebody you admire, you look up to. It is especially sad when that person and their art helps you through dark times and feelings in your own life.

Death by suicide always raises a lot of questions, with people wondering how he could do it and think about how he “had it all”, they think “what about his … [children, wife, family, friends, band, fans]?”, “why did this happen?” The hard thing is, there will be no answers for the ones searching for them. Even if their is a note or some kind of message nobody is going to really have any answers.

Linkin Park, and their music are often said to have ‘saved lives’. Their powerful music and lyrics have impacted many people’s lives.The music reminded people that they are not alone in their battles with their demons. It provides a safe outlet to scream out frustrations, emotions, repressed feelings. Lyrics of songs and music can be so important. Lyrics can give feelings and experiences words, especially when you cannot put words to these yourself. Pain and hope were often themes through Linkin Park’s music. That’s important to people. There are Linkin Park songs that resonate with me. Linkin Park music is part of my own journey and I, like all fans, can feel this loss of a man whose words and emotions through music impacted on life. The title I’ve picked is from “Numb” which is a song that has helped me through some times. The phrases “…all I want to do // is be more like me and be less like you” and “every step that I take is another mistake to you” felt like they were describing me. I remember listening to “Numb” and thinking that this song was exactly like me and my life. It had a huge impact on me. I just don’t have the right words to describe just how much they did.

Tributes can be found all over for Chester Bennington. I really hope that his family can take some comfort from the fact that he has helped so many people through their own mental health journeys and that his music and songs will continue to be there through tough times. I hope Chester is at peace now, I hope he knows the impact he has had on so many lives. I am sorry that he didn’t have help at a time that he was so vulnerable.

For everybody grieving the passing of Chester Bennington. For everybody grieving the passing of a loved one (whether it was suicide or not). For everybody suffering from depression, anxiety or any other mental health condition, chronic illness, disability (invisible and visible). For everybody with thoughts of self harm or suicide. There are a few things I want to say to you:

It is ok to feel. It is ok to have many different emotions going on. It is ok to not know how you feel, you can’t give it a ‘label’ you just feel..

You are not alone. Other people may not know exactly how you feel, or what you are experiencing, but people can relate.

There are people out there who can help. There are people out there who want to help you! It is ok to reach out for help. It is not being weak asking for help. It is easy to feel that the whole world is against you, but it’s not. There will be help available somewhere.

Be kind to one another. You don’t know the battles that some people are facing. It is not always apparent that somebody is struggling.

Above all know that you matter! Your life, your story, your journey… You!! It all matters. YOU matter!!

If you, or anybody you know, are requiring help and support then there are multiple companies you can call, or get in contact with.

You can call the Samaritans any time, for free from the UK on 116 123.

For any readers not from the UK, the To Write Love on her Arms website has quite a useful list under their “Find Help” Section. Do check it out, quite a lot of places are covered. https://twloha.com/find-help/local-resources/

(*disclaimer: I do not know who to give credit to for this image, I found it on Google images)

A loved one passing away is always a difficult time. In fact, the death of a loved one of the higher scoring life events in the social readjustment rating scale (commonly known as the Holmes and Rahe stressor scale) scoring 63.

On the morning of 21st of May a very important and special person in my life passed away – my nana. My nana was a major part of my life. She was always there for me and stuck up for me when it felt like the rest of the world was against me. She helped raise me. Actually, at times she was my primary care giver. I can honestly say I am the person I am today thanks to her. I am still here thanks to her.

Many different emotions can occur from a bereavement – shock, anger, guilt, sadness, emptiness, even relief. It is important to remember that this is natural. Even when you know that a person is dying, their death is still a shock. My nana had cancer. It was in her lungs, adrenal glands and they thought that it may have spread to her brain. She went into a hospice as her kidneys were shutting down and thanks to the hard work from all the staff they managed to get them to normal function again. As a result we got an extra month to spend with her. We were told that they could not give us a length of time at that point, but we knew that we did not have long. Still, when that change happened and it became clear that my nana was dying it was a huge shock. It still knocks you over. No matter how much time you have “to prepare” nothing actually takes away that gut-wrenching, devastating shock that takes over your whole body when your loved one is dying/dies.

People tend to find that the first few months after losing a loved one is spent doing practical things – getting affairs sorted, arranging the funeral, sorting out the will. It can be a while afterwards when your loss finally hits you properly.

While grief is universal it differs from person to person. It is solely unique to each person, and the relationship that you lost. That being said there is a basic model of stages of grief that is used. In 1969, Kübler-Ross introduced a model with several stages of grief. Typically this is known as the seven stages of grief or the five stages of grief. These stages are shock and disbelief, denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression and acceptance and hope. People talk about the five stages of grief which is shock and denial being blocked together and bargaining and guilt put together.

The Seven Stages of Grief:

Shock and disbelief

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Guilt

Depression

Acceptance and Hope

The Five Stages of Grief:

Denial/ Shock/ Disbelief

Anger

Bargaining/Guilt

Depression

Acceptance

Although this model is accepted, not everybody who grieves experiences every stage and there is no “correct” order to go through. This is a psychological framework to better understand grief and to hopefully help support people who are grieving.

No matter how your grief manifests, and you get hit with that wave of strong emotion remember there is no “correct” way, allow yourself the time to feel, to process and talk about your feelings. Talking about your feelings can help. Ask for help and support. Whether that be from loved ones, your doctor, a counsellor, some kind of bereavement service, if you need help ask for it! Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is the opposite, it can make you stronger. It can strengthen bonds, makes things easier for you, help you cope. Keep in mind their is no instant fix. You need to experience grief your way and do what you have to do to begin to heal.

As a side note, if you want more information about the Holmes and Rahe Scale or the Stages of Grieving. Look them up, there is loads of information out there!

Also if you are struggling, please do reach out for help. It really can make a difference.