Felon Shoots Himself in the Penis, Charged with Firearm Possession

The next time you take an old firearm out of the closet in hopes of reselling it for some extra cash, you might want to make sure it works before leaving the house. Furthermore, when you’re fiddling with the pistol to see if everything’s a-okay, make sure that the gun isn’t loaded beforehand. And should you discover the piece comes packaged with ammunition, then, for the love of God, don’t aim it at your penis. Chances are you might need that later.

36 year-old felon Tavares Donnell Colbert decided it was time to part with his weaponry, a good idea considering those convicted of federal crimes aren’t allowed to possess firearms. So, in theory, Colbert was doing the right thing by selling the item. Unfortunately, things went awry when he attempted to inspect the weapon before selling it for a tight wad of cash. While pulling the slide back on the piece he was preparing to sell, his finger accidentally hit the trigger, sending a bullet straight into the happy spot nestled between his legs.

In a panic, Colbert drove himself to the hospital for treatment. Although the state of his organ is currently unknown, reports indicate the felon was arrested for possessing a firearm, which only adds salt to the proverbial wound. Considering he was on his way to properly dispose of the weapon — that’s what he claims, anyway — Colbert’s pride and dignity, as well as his reproductive system, must be feeling a little wounded right now. Then again, perhaps this is just poetic justice. After all, you don’t become a felon by being the nicest person on the planet.

Colbert was booked at the Oklahoma County jail, where I’m sure he’s the butt of several unflattering, off-color jokes. Let this be a lesson to those of you who are looking to part with your collection of firearms: Don’t test the weaponry with the barrel aimed directly at your dangly bits. There’s a very good chance the gun could go off, resulting in a brand new opening you could have easily lived without. No man benefits from extra pee holes.

What’s bizarre about the whole “shooting yourself in the crotch” scenario is that this isn’t the first time someone has accomplished such a remarkable feat purely by accident. In 2011, a man in Phoenix, Arizona attempted to look cool by tucking his girlfriend’s pink pistol into the waistband of his jeans. When the gun went off, his penis took a permanent vacation.

Even little kids understand that taking a shot to the groin isn’t a good time. For example, when someone kicks you in the penis, you’re going to get injured. Injured bad.