“I read an article that said winning an Oscar could lead to living five years longer,” she says. “If that’s true I’d like to thank the Academy because my husband is five years younger than me.”

Laughter. Then some serious words about Alzheimer’s Disease and a tribute to co-director Richard Glatzer, who has ALS.

She also says: “There’s no such thing as a best actress.”

20:50 - Best Actor

Cate Blanchett now, to announce best actor. It goes to Eddie Redmayne for The Theory Of Everything.

Massive cheer. He is jumping up and down on stage. There’s no fakery here. The man is delighted.

20:45 - Best Director

Ben Affleck arrives to announce the best director winner. Two very deserving contenders tonight and it goes to one of them. Will it be Richard Linklater or Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, who got the DGA win?

20:40 - Adapted screenplay

Oprah (I forget her surname - anybody?) comes on to announce the best adapted screenplay winner.

The prize goes to… Graham Moore in his first win for The Imitation Game.

He confesses that at the age of 16 he tried to kill himself because he felt he did not belong. Dedicates his Oscar to everybody who feels weird and isolated and urges them to remain who they are. Brave words.

20:30 - Original screenplay

Eddie Murphy announces that Birdman is the original screenplay winner.

Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu takes to the stage with his three collaborators Nicolás Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris Jr and Armando Bo (two of whom, like AGI, are bearded; the third looks like he’s getting there).

20:25 - Best score

Julie Andrews announces the best score winner to be Alexandre Desplat for The Grand Budapest Hotel. That movie is now on four wins and still leads the night.

Whiplash has three. Birdman and Boyhood only one apiece so far.

20:15 - Gaga’s Sound of Music medley

Next up is Lady Gaga… and she launches into a solid The Sound Of Music medley in honour of that film’s 50th anniversary.

Gaga is belting out The Sound Of Music and it’s a reminder if any were needed that this lady can really sing.

She slides into My Favourite Things (not so good), gives short shrift to Edelweiss and takes a big breath and ascends to the rousing finale that is Climb Ev’ry Mountain. Everyone is standing. And clapping.

And guess what next? Julie Andrews herself walks on and there’s a big hug. Andrews is looking very emotional and rather chuffed. Audience still standing.

20:05 - Original song

Oh this is great. Remember last year when John Travolta botched Idina Menzel’s name? Well here she is on stage to present best original song and she invites none other than Travolta himself to join her on stage with the moniker Glom Gazingo.

“Glom” bounds on with a big smile and hugs the woman he introduced last year as Adele Dazeem. There’s a bit of good-natured banter and this is fun.

The winner is Legend for the song we just heard, Glory. Common and Legend steer the tone from warm to righteous as they speak passionately about the ongoing stuggle against prejudice.

20:00 - John Legend sings Glory

Bit of a show-stopper as John Legend sings Glory from Selma. Gets a standing ovation. Oyelowo is crying and holding hands with Oprah. This is a moment. Powerful stuff.

19:50 - Documentary

David Oyelowo and Jennifer Anniston are up to present best documentary.

The prize goes to Citizenfour. Loura Poitras looking very, very intense. She’s on stage with Mathilde Bonnefoy and Dirk Wilutzky and of course Glenn Greenwald is up there too.

Show host Harris quips: “The subject of Citizenfour, Edward Snowden, could not be here tonight for some treason.”

That might just have been a masterclass in limited taste.

19:45 - Editor

Now comes time to honour the best editor. Benedict Cumberbatch and Naomi Watts add a touch of class - and I’m not saying for one moment that class has been lacking tonight - as they present the winner.

It is Tom Cross for Whiplash. What a night for the Bold Films movie - released by SPC - its third win of the night. Amazing.

19:35 - In Memoriam

Meryl Streep introduces the In Memoriam sequence… “Their work will stand and remind us how lucky we were to have them for a while,” she says.”

For the record the montage omitted Bruce Sinofsky, Joe Berlinger’s documentary occasional film-making partner who died aged 58 on Saturday [Feb 21].

And they forgot Joan Rivers. Wow.

19:25 - Cinematography

Idris Elba presents the cinematography statuette, which goes to Emmanuel Lubezki for Birdman. It’s his second consecutive Oscar after Gravity last year and now the Birdman party has begun.

Backstage with the assembled press corps, JK Simmons says of his character Fletcher in Whiplash, “I don’t find much to admire in his pedagogy.”

Good, the show needed a comment on pedagogy. He also reveals tonight’s win does not mean he will take to Twitter.

19:20 - Production design

Time for the production design award. Chris Pratt and Felicity Jones, a nominee herself tonight, are on to present.

Jones opens the envelope… and the Oscar goes to The Grand Budapest Hotel’s production design head Adam Stockhausen and set decoration head Anna Pinnock.

That’s three for the Fox Searchlight movie now.

Freedom of expression

Academy president Cheryl Boone Isaacs takes to the stage and talks about the responsibility to protect freedom of expression. Sony executives probably feeling a bit sheepish right now.

19:10 - Animated feature

Zoe Saldana and The Rock take the stage to present the best animation feature and the winner is Big Hero 6 by Don Hall, Chris Williams and Roy Conli.

19:07 - Animated short

Best animated short film goes to Feast by Patrick Osborne and Kristina Reed.

19:05 - VFX

Interstellar wins best visual effects for the team of Paul Franklin, Andrew Lockley, Ian Hunter and Scott Fisher.

18:55 - Supporting Actress

Jared Leto takes to the stage in that baby blue tux that has been trending all night… but let’s not objectify him and talk about his outfit - #AskHerMore.

He’s here to present best supporting actress and the winner is… Patricia Arquette for Boyhood. That’s the second easiest-to-call Oscar out of the way after JK Simmons.

She thanks the “Boyhood family”. Ethan Hawke looks so pumped up in the audience. He is having a ball tonight. Earlier on the red carpet he called himself and his Boyhood compadres “pirates”, suggesting they maybe were not part of the great scheme of things and maybe were not the most likely Academy Awards participants. Pah, of course they should be here.

But hang on, Arquette is giving an impassioned speech now, calling for wage equality and equal rights for women. Nice one! OK, on with the show.

18:50 - Sound

A quick sound one-two as Whiplash wins its second award of the night for the sound mixing team of Craig Mann, Ben Wilkins and Thomas Curley.

American Sniper wins its first Academy Award of the night for best sound editing team of Alan Robert Murray and Bub Asman. Presenter Sienna Miller obviously thrilled.

18:45 - Harris does Keaton

The show returns from a break and the show director has gone all Birdman, with show host Harris ‘doing a Keaton’ as he strips topless and hurries through a warren of corridors backstage en route to the stage. Reminds me how brilliant Keaton is in that scene that inspired this.

A few flunkies surround Harris… there’s Miles Teller on the drums in a corner and… Harris arrives on stage wearing only underpants, socks and shoes. “Acting is a noble profession,” he says. Gets a laugh.

18:28 - Live Action/Doc Shorts

Mat Kirkby and James Lucaswin best live-action short film for The Phone Call, while Ellen Goosenberg Kent and Dana Perry’s Crisis Hotline: Veterans Press 1 earns best documentary short subject.

18:10 - Foreign-Language Film

Poland’s Ida named best foreign language film. Director Pawel Pawlikowski says he made a film about silence and contemplation and here he is, at the epicentre of noise and attention. Gets a good laugh. He thanks his Polish crew - whom he says can take a drink - and his late wife, late parents and his living children. Great speech from a great film-maker and a wonderful man.

18:01 - Make-up and hair

If the Oscars were to end right now, The Grand Budapest Hotel would walk away as the big winner of the night. Wes Anderson’s movie just earned a second statuette for the talents of Frances Hannon and Mark Coulier in make-up and hairstyling. The movie is nominated for nine. Will this be a clean sweep or have I ingested too much caffeine already?

17:58 - Costume Design

Milena Canonero wins her fourth career Oscar for The Grand Budapest Hotel in the costume design category.

Host Neil Patrick Harris, who in a blah opening routine poked fun at the whiteness of the Oscars, unleashes a little Harvey Weinstein gag and looks genuinely nervous as he does so. Relax, Neil, you’re not being Ricky Gervais at the Globes. Harvey just wants the mention. It’s all good, as they say.

17:45 - Supporting Actor

JK Simmons has claimed the first Oscar of the night for best supporting actor for his role in Whiplash. Manfully containing the emotions that must be raging inside, Simmons urges us all to call our mom and show appreciation.

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