I’m tempted to do this whole post in caps. THAT’S HOW EXCITED I AM ABOUT IT.

Remember last week when I was trying to buy that dead pony I wanted? (I’ll just apologize for that first sentence right here if this is your first time here. You should probably just come back tomorrow.) Well I got outbid on it, but that was actually a blessing in disguise because then I found something I wanted even more that was just as awesome and also ethically taxidermied.

And a few minutes ago…it arrived.

Knock-knock, motherfucker.

That’s right, y’all. Anyone can have a dead pony, but it takes a specially fucked up kind of birthday wish to end up with a dead pegasus.

(Special note for those of you who are horrified that I support the slaughter of pegasuses: It’s actually a zebra colt mannequin covered with old, leftover cow and goose pieces. You can tell because of the stitching and also because pegasuses are much bigger in real life.)

I’ve never been much for taxidermy (partly because I get a bit spooked by a dead animal staring at me and partly because my books take up the space that would be necessary for any other collection I could have) but this could possibly change my mind. This is officially one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen.

OH MY GOD I WANT ONE… I didn’t read you post I say the first picture I screamed that first sentence at my phone and I came to the comments. You have the best things. That is so much cooler than ta pony. Ok now I’m going to read your post

Oh wow. My eyes totally bugged out of my head when I scanned down to the picture. That is a freaking pegasus!! I couldn’t imaging anything better than a stuffed (historical) pony and you totally gave it to me.

The only thing I can think of is where on God’s green earth do you find something like that for sale?!? I just can’t imagine that someone had that in their attic and decided one day to sell it on the internet. It boggles my mind. But the picture with Hunter is way to cute! Gotta love a cat on a minature pegasus.

The picture of Hunter riding the Pegasus is officially the most awesome thing I have ever seen on the internet. You win!
(My spell check is insisting that Pegasus is a proper noun, and how can I argue with that?)

Dude, that looks nothing like a taun taun. First a pegasus…what next? If you find a unicorn, I’m going to be SO jealous. More so than I am now. And where does one even FIND a zebra colt mannequin to cover with leftover cow and goose pieces?

OMG! Your deliveries should come with smelling salts and a bottle of whiskey for Victor! Poor man! How did he take the news of your latest obsession? And was that the reason your credit card was temporarily frozen? And just for the record….I love your birthday too! Waiting to see what you got is all kinds of fun!

You are uh-mazing.
I am so very heartened that there are people in our tribe making it happen like this.
Also, my inner 11 year-old is squealing with glee, while my outer 37 year-old is seething with envy, as well as a touch of awe.
Jenny, you are the shiznit.

Holy. Balls. If I lived closer to you, I would obsessively contact you, in hopes that you’d whore out your pegasus for newborn pictures. I mean, what would be more awesome than a newborn craddled on the back of an OBVIOUSLY nurturing baby pegasus?

I was so curious to see what could possibly beat out the dead pony and OMG this is so much better!
when do you start booking the travelling circus? cause this shit, your growing collection of dead awesome, should totally travel. BOOK IT!

That second pic looks like some bizarre cinematic crossover of Puss & Boots and Clash of the Titans.
I wish there was a greeting card to congratulate someone on her epic mythical creature acquisition; I would totally send it to you.

Just finished your book, so now i’m reading your blog backwards… I mean not really backwards but I’m reading what you wrote today and going back to tomorrow and so no. Get it? I when you would. I really loved your book and relate to all of it. Had a dad and uncles a lot like you… Not like your total but close. Anyhow I’m a new fan. Thanks for the book.

It’s like Falcor and Artex were magically combined (since I find it unlikely that a mating between dragon and horse would work well…and I’m pretty sure The Neverending Story was WAY too pg for any sort of mating at all).

I mean… I don’t even know where to start. Your particular brand of funny is so achingly funny. I don’t laugh out loud a lot (even though I type that shit CONSTANTLY. people’s feelings and all) but, girl! You have kicked it right in my wheelhouse with this post. You matter! You are so real! Thank you for putting it out there; it’s just so damn awesome.

When my parents pass away, I’ll know who to sell the dead fawn that they bought some years ago curled up on a dog bed. (But first I’ll send our most skittish and easily squeaked out member of the family to the closet to “find” it and laugh first.)

HAAAAA. I feel like on Halloween, Victor is going to let people in your house and be like, just come in and no, we didn’t bother to decorate. I feel like my house is doesn’t have enough dead stuff kicking around.

Of course it’s a Pegasus. I suck. I’m too literal. I thought it was a donkey. A dead angel donkey. Then I thought of Juan Valdez. So then I thought his name should be Angel Valdez, or White Mocha Coffee Bean for short. Then I read PEGASUS and immediately felt totally stupid.

Please let me borrow for the following uses:
1. to leave in my parents home as a welcome home after months of vacation surprise
2. to put in my front yard and see what kinda letter I get from my HOA
3. to leave at the front door of friends home, ring the door bell and run away. Repeatedly.
I promise to return in good condition.

LMAO! I actually said out loud, “Oh my god, she did not.” I don’t know what in the world gave me that reaction. After reading your blog for a while now, my first response should have been, “Holy crap, yes she did.”

Pish. That’s only a BABY pegasus. I have a grown-up one, which is much bigger. It can carry a full-sized tiger — AND IT DOES. Eat your heart out, lady. (Also, I squeed at that picture with Hunter S. Thomcat, and I’m hard to make squee.)

If Victor hasn’t seen this yet, might I suggest a zipline harness and a heavy-duty clothesline attached directly over his office window. Wait until dawn, when he can only vaguely see. Nothing says “GOOD MORNING!” like an unexpected pegasus screaming towards your head at 6:30 am. Knock Knock, Motherfucker indeed.

Just when I think I couldn’t love you more….THIS. You are so many kinds of awesome….SO awesome, it almost make me want to head to Texas to stalk you. But I won’t…because that would be creepy. I will just continue to think of you as my best friend…in my mind.

Oh. My. Maryjane. This is the BEST THING EVER!!! Just when I think you can’t surprise me anymore, this magic happens.
So does this mean the cat’s in charge? He looks like he’s making that Pegasus his bitch.

Holy shitsnacks! This little post has turnd my entire day around! I can’t believe how awesome that is. I would die from happiness if I opened the door and this pegasus was there waiting for me to discover him.

have you seen him at night yet? Cuz, yeah, he’s all cute in the daylight…but it’s very, very possible that he has demony-red eyes that glower brightly at you from the corner when you’re on a midnight slushie run to the fridge. Or do you have a sno-cone machine in your bedroom for real?

OMG, It’s like every childhood fantasy put together: Imagine that a horse, a unicorn, a Pegasus, the ability to fly, animals that talk, my first and current cat (both were/are orange), the Never Ending Story, and My Little Pony got merged together in a Willy Wonka Machine – you have the result. The photo has made my day! Thank you so much and tell your husband he’s so lucky (even if he doesn’t really think so right now). More photos, products and your daughter’s reaction, please!

Coolest Pegasus/Zebra/Goose in the history of EVER! Does it do advertising too, or do the wings get in the way? Perhaps it needs one of those banner trailers like they use on planes for advertising car dealerships? Hunter S. Tomcat looks like he’s having the time of his motherfncking life!

Dude. Seriously. You are my hero. Can I please, please, please be in your will? I understand if you don’t know me well enough (or at all, really) to bequeath me the pegasus. Although if you did, I would probably die from happiness and then whoever you really want to have it would get it right away anyway. But I would happily and gladly and joyously accept any of your other taxidermied lovelies.

I’m actually feeling a little jealous. I’m wondering how I could get one myself and exactly where it would go in the house. This is definitely the first piece of taxidermy I’ve ever truly wanted for myself. Well, my four year old daughter would love it too!

I don’t even know what is the matter with you? HOW could you put the awesomeness that is baby pegasus in the same category as an old dead pony. HELLO! You can see a dead pony anywhere. Pegasus, not so much.
Really, it’s astounding.
I’m sorry we didn’t get Victor’s views on the subject. Although, I’m sure he recognizes the absolute superiority of this purchase over the near purchase of the dead pony.

Uh…ok. You DO have the capital K in your sentence so…I guess you were typing in French, after all. You were totally right. I’m really sorry I made a fuss. I think I should probably brush up on my French before I run around screaming, “J’accuse!”

My day was really meh. Then I saw the photo of Hunter S. Thomcat riding an ethically taxidermied pegasus and my heart filled with joy. Thank you for being you and doing what you do. I second the proposed aviator cap and goggles for Mr. Thomcat.

By the way, I keep seeing him as sitting up there with a confident stare and his arms folded for some reason. Maybe just something about the pattern of his fur in that photo. Anyway, to me he looks all. “Yeah, I am riding a pegasus. I know how completely splendid I look. I don’t need you to tell me, but thanks anyway.”

FUCKING ROCK ON!! THAT SHIT IS PURE AWESOME!! i bet if you check it’s rectum there’s probably left over skittles because unicorns and pegasus fart rainbows. it give a whole new meaning to the phrase “taste the rainbow”. you should totally turn it’s butt hole into a skittles pez dispenser. you’re welcome in advance for the kick ass idea jenny!

Seriously the most awesome piece of taxidermy the world has ever seen. My 12-yr old mythology-crazed son would positively go ape-shit over that. He claims he’d rather have an ammit, but I know if he saw your little pegasus he’d change his mind.

Next up you should get a taxidermied unicorn, and they could be friends. Oh that’s an awesome name for a band, The Taxidermied Unicorns!! Maybe all your animals could form a band and tour?? If Gorillaz can be a band of cartoon creations, surely Taxidermied animals can express themselves through music?? Enquiring minds want to know🙂

I concur, a pegasus is many times better than a pony. Though, I would have been happy with either when I was a little girl. Or basically anything somewhat horse-shaped. Hunter is living out my childhood and my childhood is just a bit jealous. (Okay, yes, I took riding lessons, but that’s not the same thing as having your own horse. Not remotely the same.)

Have always been freaked out by taxidermied animals. But have found a new love for them since following your blog. This crazy 38 year old and finally found someone with the same sense of humer as me. I big metal chicken story I almost peed my pants from laughing so hard. I am always looking forward to your posts. And I need to get one of those refridgerator magnets. I four kids, 17, 11, 11 ,10 and they eat nonstop. I hoping something like that would slow them down.

I’m pretty sure you should hang your dead pegasus like a chandelier from the ceiling, but low enough so that you can give it a good swing as you walk by to go out the door.

It could also double as a sort of eccentric trapeze situation, where you get a good running start and grab the hind legs and swing wildly and imagine holding onto a real Pegasus, wind rushing through your hair, like that one in Clash of the Titans (the original, with the animatronic Bobo).

I pretty damn jealous.
But, you know…the good kind.
Like, if I can’t be the proud owner of a stuffed fucking Pegasus than YOU are truly the only other person who should have it…except maybe my sister…she could use a Pegasus.

I was really excited to come see you on tour next week, but now all I want to do is meet Pegasus. I mean, you’re great and all, but PEGASUS!!!!! Will you please bring him (her?) on tour with you? Pleeeeease?????

No time to read all the other comments now, but I loved The Never Ending Story…but no one after my generation seems to. Oh, and I was totally talking you and your book and your blog and your awesomeness up today to my sister-in-law. Thank you for being you.

Up until now, I’ve been very happy to enjoy your ethically taxidermied (sp?) inhabitants through your blog. Things have changed. I want your Pegasus in my house right now! Any thoughts on flying her to San Diego? Even for a brief visit? I’m not telling my husband about this. Or anyone else.

Unrelated to dead zebra covered in feathers spiriting Thom to parts yet undiscovered ~
Once again I owe you a debt of thankatude. Today was a “I need a RED DRESS” kinda day ~ but that was not happening. Instead I was trying to hunt up some of those stupid velcro thingers that you tie back tomatoes with. August in New England, tons of halloween, no tomatoe thingers. I was getting annoyed at life and could not think of a single thing to use instead …….THEN ….. This lady with long brown hair walks by me wearing some sort of nubby brownish thing. She reminded me of the Snuffleupagus that was really a donkey (not judging, just saying what she reminded me of). That made me think of you ….and ….. TWINE! (and the fact that I can be such a dumbsnuffleupagus for not thinking twine in the first place …. sigh ..) I also got to smile in the jokes on me kinda way that I read this blog and could have that type of thought association to begin with … so .. THANKS!!

LOVE!!!!!! What’s her name? I say her because I don’t see anything dangling (yeah, I looked!). That cat of yours is kinds of awesome for appreciating this new member of the household. Victor’s thoughts……?

How much would I have to give you for charity for you to send me the contact information for where you got this so that I can get this for my sister for Christmas? I don’t want to be greedy, so I would totally make you an amazing offer, but honestly, my sister HAS to have this. Like, I am pretty sure if I was able to get her this then all her dreams would finally come true, because HELLO, it is a damn Pegasus. So, you know, no pressure or anything, but let me know….

Have you thought the effect that carrying all these parcels is having on your mailman’s psyche? Although to counterbalance the inevitable descent into madness, there’s no risk of him delivering a taxidermied Pegasus to the wrong house – and customer satisfaction is just one of those things you can’t buy.

Well now you see, this is exactly the type of taxidermy I need. Because there would be nothing strange about stringing this from the ceiling in imitation of flight, thus avoiding the cats eating it situation. Plus, it’s awesome.

I said this to my husband, and he said, “Why would you want to be a member of the Double Pegasus Sex Club? That’s just weird!” So you have to enunciate properly, or people may think you’re a perv.

You leave me in the odd position of hoping you don’t get things you want in the first place, so that you continue to come up with the awesome-blotto things you get to replace them! This way you only get every other amazing thing, but all the things you get are twice as amazing as the first things, at least, so it counts as more than half the awesome. But don’t tell Victor, let him think you are getting only half the things you want, so you get credit for compromising. To recap: you get credit for only getting half the things you want, but they are twice as good as the half you didn’t get. This is the new math. Try to keep up.

I am concerned! I stumbled upon here and have obsessed in starting from the beginning and reading everything from the start so I can understand the innermost workings of your mind Jen Lawson – I don’t know why its important to me and I am scared…. someone, anyone.. help… me…

Best (and most ironic) discovery EVER. My workplace firewall blocks anything and everything that can be construed as even mildly fun, entertaining, or hobby-ish (with the interesting exception of CBS Sports during fantasy football season – in which our IT guys participate). So my firewall protects me from the shadiest of sites….like any of our local news stations (someone please tell me the weather!), the entertainment and relationship sections of MSN, recipe sites, and (ok this seems reasonable for work) anything with “adult content.” HOWEVER…..I just realized I can get to The Bloggess. Victory is mine at last. 🙂

That might be the greatest thing I have ever seen. I don’t have your love of dead things, but I might have to get me one of those…That way if anyone ever gives you sh*t, you can calmly respond “F**k You, I have a Pegasus! I am totally storybook!”

Ok, so, long ago I found this weird tiny zebra/horse/giraffe thing that is not taxidermy but some sort of leather craft. It has this crazy wonky eye and this weird afro hair. Long story short, when I saw it, I thought of you. My husband (who sometimes sounds like yours) would not let me buy it unless I promised that I was sending it to you, not keeping it on the bookshelf where it has sat ever since. I was going to give it to you at the book signing in Atlanta but I couldn’t find parking!!

ANYWAY. Now that you have a dead pony I really feel like you need to see this weird gift if person. You may not want to keep it, and that is fine. But it might make a great cat toy? Problem is – I have no idea how to send you things…And I’d rather not come off as a stalker so just let me know if you have a fan mail PO box or something and I’ll ship it off!

I am so happy for you and your continued Victor torture. My husband has taken my copy of your book and it reading it nightly, and saying “This is sooo You.” I have never seen him read a book in 17 years. Good Job!!!

I am sure you know that Rosie mentioned you on her blog. Love you bunches!!!
“LETS PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED
a motto for my last four weeks
and an amazing first book by the bloggess
read it”

Holy Flying Horsey Riding Kitty Cats! That is Freaking awesome! Please note that I have refrained from swearing in this post, which was extremely hard, and send me a medal for my immense self control, as I am SO jealously coveting that pegasus, and want one NOW! With it’s little white hooves, and little white wings! It’s so fluffy I’m gonna die!!!

What a wonderfully beautiful piece of taxidermied gloriousness. Up until this point, I was having one of those days that makes Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day look like a vacation on a tropical beach with your pre-baby body back and a ridiculously hot cabana boy bringing you champagne slushies in the nude. Him nude, not me. Or maybe me too b/c, hey, the pre-baby body is nothing to be ashamed of. Anyway, the magical-rainbow bliss of that dead pegasus caused me to scream, “OH MY GOD!” with such emotion that it caused both my fiance and son to leap from their chairs in front of the TV yelling, “WHAT?! WHAT?!” Which is pretty impressive b/c usually I have to go into fake cardiac arrest to distract them from the TV. I showed them your pegasus with the same pride I would’ve felt as if it were my own. Their response: “You’re both kooky.” My daughters, however, echoed my enthusiasm as only four- and six-year olds can. Jenny, if we knew each other in real life, we would be best friends. If I had any doubts about that vaguely stalker-ish statement before, they were completely erased by the BEST piece of dead Greek mythology EVER.

Oh my God. You just made my day with your taxidermied pegasus. I just snorted milk out of my nose. I can’t believe someone as awesome as you exists in the world and even more amazingly, also lives in Texas.

You have GOT to find a way to make this thing fly. I see a system of wires and pulleys so the pegasus can fly down into the foyer to greet unsuspecting guests. Victor will love it. In fact, he should be the test subject. Unless you’d like to fly me in. Tee hee.

I knew you were amazing and eagerly anticipated your updates, but this… This takes my appreciation to a whole new level. Love: hysterical laughter and Pegasus-induced- dopamine -fueled- LOVE. Thank you.

Oh my goodness!!! My husband gives me the strangest looks when I read your blog or your book. Because I laugh so hard and loud. He just doesn’t get it, but my girlfriends do. I think it’s AWESOME! I’ve always wanted a pegasus, a live one preferably.

He’s so fabulous, he almost needs to have a name like Norbert. Because I don’t think I could take much more of the fabulous coming from this beast.
WANT ONE. Hey, wait a sec. I’m the reigning queen of crafty. Where do you get a zebra calf taxidermy form?

I’m not sure if it’s sacrilege to mess with the body of a dead Pegasus… BUT… if you could somehow find a horn (ethically taxidermied narwhal perhaps?) you would have a PEGACORN!!! As well as the new mascot for the Unicorn Success Club.

lolololol at the first pic! I am so jealous right now that you own something I didn’t know existed until 5 minutes ago. The dead pony ads are hilarious but a Pegasus? That’s the motherfucking bomb, there. Props to you, miss girl!

After reading your posts I turned to my fiance and asked him what he would do if I started collecting stuffed dead animals, dressing them up in clothes and giving them names.
He said he would buy me a lot of shelves, but that he isn’t very good with coming up with names, so i was on my own there lol.

I have decided that you are my imaginary friend. The one I had when I was young and my mean older brother and sister would make fun of and tell me didn’t exist. (My sister tells everyone I was like a dog who throws a ball up and catches it and runs around the yard being chased by another imaginary dog.) But now I know. You do exist. And I am so happy to know that.

That’s better than a previously dead thing — that’s a work of art! 😉 I am amused by the previous critters (especially the gator) but this one … I’m getting all rainbows & butterflies over here. Someone tie me down, I’m about to paint my bedroom hot pink.

I love it.

Name ideas…
Peggy McFly
Dr. Margaret (Peggy) Seuss

By the way I passed a FLOCK of big metal chickens visiting family on Long Island recently… I made my 90yo mother and 5yo daughter pose with one. It had flags flying out of its orifices. Ouch.

Clearly, you are not seeing your true talent. You need to educate the rest of us on your genius Ebay search skills as finding this is akin to finding the Higgs Boson and basically proving God exists. And creates AWESOME shit to buy on Ebay.

The most awesomely piece of awesome-y awesomeness I have ever seen in my life. That is worth every fucked-up birthday wish, every penny, every anything ever. EVER. I am SO happy for you. And jealous. But that’s a sin. So…whatever.

Turn around – look at what you see.
In her face the mirror of your dreams.
Make believe on everywhere
get it in the line.
Hidden on the pages is the answer
To a never ending story.

Reach the stars
fly a fantasy
Dream a dream and what you see will be.

Rhymes that keep their secrets will unfold behind the clouds
And there upon the rainbow is the answer
To a never ending story
story.
Show your fear
for she may fade away
In your hands the birth of a new day.

Rhymes that keep their secrets will unfold behind the clouds . ..
Never ending story

I think you may live too close to me to post images of such an awesome thing. Not that I’m the president of any Pegasus Liberation Front or anything. Yet. There is paperwork to be filed, but probably not much . . .

whoa.
Didn’t see that one coming. Not that you’re predictable, but still…
I love that Hunter S Tomcat is already climbing on it. Just wait until he starts grooming it. (My cat used to do that with any fur-covered thing.)

I can’t stop staring at the computer screen with an amazed, giant open-mouthed smile and eyes as big around as saucers. I can’t find an emoticon to represent my facial expression right now. Jenny, you have the holy grail – A REAL LIFE ETHICALLY TAXIDERMIED MY LITTLE PONY!!!!!

your are awesome love your book read it while I am proctoring test which is not good because your book+silent room full of stressed students=me try so hard to not make noise as tears of laughter are rolling down my cheek thank you

As they say, when one door closes… Although I still have to admit that, no matter what you say, the fact that you have a dead pegasus is very disturbing. What next, a dead unicorn? Or a griffin? Why do you have to collect DEAD make-believe animals? You’re just, like, killing all my dreams and shit. What next, stuffed Santa? Are you gonna kill the Easter Bunny? I mean, I know you don’t actually DO the killing or the stuffing but still…this just upsets me on all levels. I thought you BELIEVED IN THE MAGIC!

Having said that, if you come across any stuffed DRAGONS, please let me know, as it would mean a lot to me to own one since I characterize my depression as a big black dragon named Claude. But even though I write about him – a LOT – no one really GETS it because DUH, I’m the only one who can SEE the fucker. So if I get a stuffed one, then when I get really depressed and start giving my meds the twitchy eye and my husband starts looking at me like “oh, no, here we go with THIS shit again”, I can at least point to the dragon and say “It’s all HIS fucking fault, blame HIM.” And maybe I can even smack him around a little bit. They can’t call the animal abuse police if it’s already dead…right?

This is so fucking awesome that I can barely stand it!! I want one sooooooo bad! PLEASE let me know where u got it. You are the BEST! If only we were besties! LOL. Kiki0031@AOL.com plz lemme know where to get one!!!

WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT?! That is the MOST incredibly amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire 28 years and I want one! Although I would bet that ethically deceased, stuffed Pegasuses are tough to come by…

Wow. I understand the need for all caps. Even funnier, (in my opinion), I showed my 3 year old cousin. And she. Freaked. The fuck. Out. She was all, “Is that my pony? Did you get me a pony?” I then patiently told her it was a Pegasus, an ds he got even more excited. “Pony with wings! Pony with wings!” I had to tell her (sadly) it was not hers, but I could show her the picture anytime. I was all, now you don’t have to clean up dead animal dust poop. Because dead animals totally poop dust. It’s still a funny ongoing conversation.

Dear The Bloggess: Since you have an alligator named Jefferson Peabody, I suggest that your pegasus be named Jefferson Airplane. Airplane, not Starship, because the group flung itself into suckdom when it became Starship and the female lead singer started looking like a guest host on “The View.” I cannot emphasize this point more strongly … Jefferson Airplane, not Starship. Have a Bless Day!

I love your Pegasus! I have been looking for something equally wonderful to send to my sister for her birthday but it is unbelievably difficult to find odd animals taxidermied. She loves your blog and book like I do and know she would be shocked/horrified/thrilled to have something this wonderful! Where do you find your animals?

All in the Family: Courtney LeBlanc's poetry chapbook is an honest and raw look into the dynamics of family relationships, the good, the bad, and the oh-so ugly; it'll make you cringe, cry, laugh, smile, and appreciate the relationships you have with your family.