Saving Private Nevius: Spending Time Teaching CW Nevius How To Do His Job More Better – America’s Cup Fiasco

“Although the turnout… were disappointing, that won’t be the case with the finals when they arrive here in 2013.”

Uh, do you need a copy editor, Neve? (I know of about seven who is on the market as of yesterday, AAMOF.) Anyway, Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ, Nevius, how the frack do you know how the frack the gosh darn AC13 is going to turn out? Do you have a crystal ball? Or maybe you want to give readers the impression that everything’s going to work out? Why?

“At least that’s the expectation. This is supposed to be the America’s Cup that changes everything, from the venue, to the TV coverage, to the tactics of sailing. Barclay says these races will turn conventional wisdom on its head.”

Uh, promoters lie. That’s what promoters do, right? What just happened down in Fun Diego was a fucking disaster and people said, “Heads will roll.” And you know what, they were right. At least one head rolled, anyway, on Thanksgiving Eve 2011. Wasn’t he the CEO ‘n stuff? Do you know about that, Neve? No need to mention that though, is there, huh?

“Usually the fastest boat wins,” he said. “But this will be different because of the bay. The space is so confined and the boats are so fast (the 72-footers may reach 50 mph) there will be a lot of maneuvering. And multihull boats do not maneuver well. That means this will be a lot about sailing.”

Gee, you know, don’t you think that if Americans wanted to watch sailing a lot, then we’d already be doing it? What’s so great about sailing? Obviously, people don’t care to watch sailing so why should they? How will doing that improve their lives? And, uh, there’s no way these boats will go 50 MPH. Remember earlier about the lying, Neve? And isn’t it sort of ridiculous to host the America’s Cup in San Francisco Bay? Whose idea is this?

For those of us who do not have a clew (a nautical joke; a clew is the bottom corner of a sail), television will be the key. There are cameras on the boats, digital lines to mark the path, and real-time clocks to show how many seconds a boat is ahead or behind.

Oh, I get it, “clew!” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Nevius, you so cray-cray! Hey, why don’t we put cameras on on WNBA players? And digital lines, ooh, how exciting! (Oh, the WNBA already has/had that.) And a “real time” clock too! (Oh, the WNBA already has/had that.) And a scoreboard what tells how far ahead one team is. (Oh, the WNBA already has/had that.) But, oh, nobody wants to watch the WNBA. In that sense, it’s just like sailing. Take a look. They even have the pitchpoling incident that was staged on the bay just for you and the cameras to see, Neve. You realize that that was fake, right Neve? You know, so they could use that scene for their video opening over and over again? Even NASCAR doesn’t stage accidents.

But what you really need to do is see the boats up close. Even with the secrecy surrounding the teams, Barclay said they plan to host a few open houses for the public.

The secrecy is fake, nobody cares. But, oh, they’re going to have open houses? Again, the secrecy is fake, nobody cares. Oh, but you care, Neve? All right. Tell us again, Neve, tell us about your supr sekrt visit to the supr sekrt boat place!

You’ll be able to see what he calls “the little boats,” the 45-footers that raced in San Diego, the “shed” where the 72-footer is being built, and the mammoth 223-foot wing that powered the Oracle trimaran that won the 33rd America’s Cup in Spain. And yes, it is really true that when that wing is fitted to the boat, it reaches up too high to sail under the Golden Gate Bridge.

Think, Neve. You’re talking about a catamaran here. They could put that baby on one hull and slide right under the GGB no problem, why not? Anyway, nobody knows and nobody cares where freaking Larry Ellison last bought his America’s Cup trophy.

It will, all in all, be a mighty and impressive spectacle right here in our bay.

So, that’s your point but you haven’t supported it. In your world, Neve, San Diego was a failure, ergo San Francisco won’t be. Because, because why? Gavin Newsom did a crappy job representing the interests of San Francisco and then, surprise, he’s made honorary poohbah of the whole thing and you think that’s the greatest idea in the world.

Thank you so much for calling this guy out. His columns are just America’s Cup PR. What is his deal? And he is a jerk, he is completely condescending to anyone who isn’t 100% behind EVERYTHING the AC crowd wants (like a freakin’ 150 foot flat screen television set in Aquatic Park). His writing is so afoul of the factual it makes my brain hurt to read. Thanks again for trying to keep the Larry lap dog honest.