“It is unfortunate that individuals and other outside parties are trying to profit from material which is clearly private. I have had the privilege to speak to people across the country, both gay and straight, on a number of critical issues including safe sex. More important than the embarrassment of this incident is the misleading message these images send. I apologize and cannot emphasize enough the importance of responsible sexual practices.”

Dustin Lance Black is a good guy.

Lance Sandwich Crackers? I’ve never even heard of those and the commercial comes on now?

Am I part of a community trying to lose weight? Have I decided I’m ready to lose weight? I don’t need it anymore?

No wonder actresses are neurotic messes. People who have had fluctuating weight are sensitive to anyone noticing their body. Their job has become encouraging people to notice their body. I need privacy.

Is Giada De Laurentiis someone’s celebrity fantasy? Not that she doesn’t deserve to be, because I love her. But she doesn’t seem to be a heavy hitter on the tabloid scene.

Are there people who actually appreciate the time it took to compose this video? They find it worth seeing?

That mozzarella/raspberry jam/rosemary/brown sugar panini looks like the best thing you could ever put in your mouth.

Are there people out there who’s word processor dictionary recognizes all of the key terms of today’s entertainment-centric generation? They spend so much time writing about Kirsten Dunst’s every vaginal waxing that constantly seeing her name with a squiggly red line underneath it would send him round the psychotic bend. But of course, even writing this is tempting me to add Beyonce to my dictionary because the line is driving me nuts. And I want to have the accent automatically pop up!

I have had Fleet Foxes’ Blue Ridge Mountains in my head ALL DAY. Maybe hearing it will give me a little relief from the repetition.

Note to self: I should see Away We Go.

My goal for my life: For someone to think I have a genius mind. I don’t care; It could be my six year old daughter before she finds out I use Wikipedia to answer all of her questions. I should write a book about different heroes in peoples’ lives. What makes someone a hero? What makes someone a worshipper? I have to talk to Kendra about that.

I have a fully aged scar on my leg that I’ve never noticed before. Do I hate my body so much that I disregard its existence completely? Yes. For now. Not forever.

I could watch this over and over:

As my father so thoughtfully told me at the age of 12, I am such a fag hag.

Fez: Eric was afraid getting married and staying here was a mistake. [puts on football helmet] You know because you would be giving up your dream of traveling the world and becoming a — ball-breaking feminist.

Donna after accidentally pushing Hyde off the water tower: “Why am I stronger than all the guys I hang out with??”

Reason to like Kitty: She gets a Christmas card from the Jose Cuervo Collectors Club.

“Ahh. It’s like I’m walking on a big pile of baby ducks.”

“Man, you just don’t understand what’s it’s like to have a bed that hugs you like you’re a little baby! It’s like crawling into a mommy kangaroo. I miss my kangaroo.”

None of this would be possible without the advent of DVR. The arrow button is my favorite thing. Skip back a few seconds and watch that again.

These people became friends because of television. They were growing a friendship alongside their characters. They have eaten a lot of popsicles over the years. A popsicle is something you really only eat with friends. When would you ever find yourself eating one with someone you didn’t like? It’s a popsicle. It’s portable. Take it over to a friend or get some peace and quiet and have chuckle about the joke on the stick. It’s such a playful food. People usually don’t have bad memories associated with popsicles, except Karl Pilkington.

I wouldn’t be surprised if you look close enough and find an extra in the Verizon network commercials texting during the filming. You get enough people in one space for more than five minutes and someone is bound to start texting.

There are new pictures of Lindsay Lohan that have Perez Hilton asking if she is a cutter because it looks like she has scars on her wrists. In what seems to be the original size of the photo, her wrists were too small to see something so discreet unless someone was looking for it. Is there a whole branch of gossip sleuths who’s only job is to look for pictures of celebrities’ wrists to examine for signs of depression, in order to exploit young women and disallow private and personal evolution and recovery?