on vikings and satellites and the number 17

I recently wrote a blog post (I am a man, and I am a feminist) explaining why I, as a male, consider myself a feminist. I think it gets the point across rather succinctly, but for those who don’t respond to subtlety, maybe this will clear things up.

I don’t think I can adequately articulate how much this infuriates me. But let me try to be perfectly clear. Demeaning or degrading a woman of any age does not make you more of a man. It just makes you a fool and an asshole. Also, it shows how weak-minded, weak-willed, and afraid of your own shadow you are. Seriously, go fuck yourself.

I’ve traversed this insignificant speck in the universe we know as the United States of America multiple times. Everything from a three-hour jaunt to Seattle from Portland to a solo 22 hours straight from Minnesota to Idaho to a three-week circumnavigation of the country with my little brother. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that I wouldn’t be the person I am today without these roadtrips. Without the freedom. Without the moments of loneliness and despair. Without the peace of a freeway in the middle of the night. Without coming across a glowing baseball stadium lighting up the sky. Without the ghosting hallucinations floating by after too many hours on the asphalt. Without pulling over on the side of a Nevada backroad to experience the desolation and darkness and being too afraid to get out of the car once I turned the headlights off. WIthout the glowing eyes of a male bison appearing disembodied down the road and the steam billowing from his nose when he fully materialized. Without coming around a curve to see the Grand Tetons for the first time. Without the droning sound of tires. Without getting lost in northern Idaho and driving over a mountain only to end up at a dead end of snow and wetlands of runoff blocking my way. Without almost running out of gas at 3 am a hundred miles from nowhere. Without getting caught in a blizzard in May. Without the meditation that only long, straight stretches of highway can provide. Without a thunderstorm racing alongside me while I remain dry as a bone. Without the music. Without the sun shining in my eyes. Sometimes I think I’ve only ever been my real self when there are miles behind me and miles left to go.

Because I have a mother, sister, and female friends, lovers, and co-workers (Don’t get me wrong, all of these women have played important roles in my life. I just feel like the lonely cry of the misogynist is “How can I hate women? My mother’s one.”)

Because it’s a good way to meet chicks and get laid (I’m handsome and charming enough to meet chicks and get laid without having to be a feminist. Is that sarcasm, silliness, or arrogance? I’ll never tell.)

Because I hate men. (Although those Men’s Rights assholes can go straight to hell)

Because I want ABORTIONS FOR EVERYONE! (Paid for by the government, of course)

Because I’m secretly gay

Because I’m not secretly gay (I just confused myself about my own sexuality)

Because I like to be dominated in the bedroom

Because I like to dominate in the bedroom

Because I hate pornography

Because I love pornography

Because I think all women should go out and get a job

Because I think all women should stay home and raise the kids

Because women are weak and they need my help

Because I’m weak and need women to take care of me

Because I’m a communist

Because I’m not a communist

Because I was brainwashed by a secret cabal of Feminazis

Because I plan to lead the secret cabal of Feminazis

These are the reasons that I am a feminist:

Because women are human beings with inherent value.

Done. See how easy that was?

Please feel free to share any other reasons that don’t make you a feminist.

Get your hands on Jodi Angel’s You Only Get Letters From Jail. Finished it last night, and it’s going to be stuck in my head for days. I’d hand it out to strangers on the street if that was socially acceptable. To make it easy on you, here’s the link to Amazon (although I recommend patronizing your local bookstore if you can) – You Only Get Letters From Jail

I’m not going to spend a whole lot of time dissecting the Zimmerman verdict. Although I don’t understand how you can kill someone under very suspicious circumstances, admit you did so (while disputing the circumstances), and not at least get convicted of manslaughter, I realize that it is a function of Florida’s specific laws, the intricacies and vagueries of our justice system, and the insidious and systemic racism that pervades our culture. People smarter and with more knowledge than me can and will dig into these issues, but I don’t expect them to change anytime soon. There are clearly too many people with vested political, economic, and emotional interests in keeping things the way they are for us to see a quick change. That, of course, is not to say we should give up. Only through fighting will change ever come.

No, what I want to talk about is the reaction of some so-called conservatives (please know that I lump this group together only for the sake of brevity. I know that there are plenty of conservatives who are able to see both sides of an issue and understand the tragedy that took place, even if they felt Zimmerman should go free) upon hearing this verdict. To some degree, I understand (but don’t condone) their feeling of victory. This case was drawn along partisan lines from the beginning, and it feels really good when your team wins. I mean, people celebrate when the Yankees win, for pete’s sake. And I know many people on the Right love their gun rights and see them as the first line of self-defense against criminals and a tyrannical government (however erroneous I might feel that belief is). But can we show a little dignity and compassion, please? Regardless of your political leanings, a teenager was killed, and he didn’t deserve it (and no, some pictures of him giving the finger or trying to look tough, or the fact that he smoked marijuana, do not mean that he deserved it. Have any of you ever even met a teenager?). Even if I grant that every aspect of Zimmerman’s story is true, there was no need for Trayvon Martin to die, and the fact that he did should not be cause for anything but reflection on gun culture and racism. Make no mistake, racism played a significant role in his death. Maybe Zimmerman isn’t the least bit racist. Maybe he’s never once thought that black people are of less value. Maybe he even has black friends. Even if all of that is true, I have an incredibly hard time imagining that he stalks a white teenager. As for the aftermath, imagine Trayvon killed Zimmerman in that fight. Do you think we would have ever even heard about “Stand Your Ground?” Pretty sure the story would’ve been framed around the ruthlessness and lawlessness of today’s (black) youth. I know conservatives seem to have this belief that the liberal media covers up for black assailants all the time, and that black people get away with everything because if they are ever arrested, racism is the first thing the liberal media starts shouting, and no good police officer or district attorney wants to have their name besmirched in such a manner. I’m sorry, but this is absolute, unmitigated bullshit. And if you took five minutes to look outside of your “conservative values,” you’d know it was bullshit. So tone down your “Hallelujahs” and your applause. Nobody won. A kid is dead, and a killer is free. And the Martin family is left with nothing but sadness and a hole where Trayvon used to be.