Saturday, March 11, 2006

To Anonymous ...

On my last post, a reader asked: “How much do your readers really care about you?”

My answer: I don’t know. I’d like to think they are sincere, and I’d like to think they want what’s best for me. And I believe they do want me to be happy and fulfilled – even if they may disagree with how I achieve those objectives.

Nonetheless, dear anonymous, I don’t know any of them personally. I know that my family loves me more than anyone on this earth ever will. And I’m so lucky to have the best family ever. I love and rely on my family and close friends for so many things, so you need not worry about me giving them up for my wonderful (and oftentimes anonymous) blog readers.

I personally don’t feel that family and blog readers are mutually exclusive things. I believe I can have them both and enjoy what each has to offer. I admit that I LOVE – absolutely LOVE – hearing from the few people who do comment on my blog. It’s really fun to read others’ perspectives regarding my situation. In fact, I hear perspectives from my blog that I wouldn’t get from family and friends. I think all view points are worth considering.

You said: “You make little mention to the other people in your life, their feelings, their thoughts, how you feel about them, etc.”

You’re right. I don’t mention them often. One concern is anonymity – for both me and them. The other thing is this blog is related to my homosexuality. I only talk about my loved ones when relevant. The fact is, I don’t really talk to my siblings about my sexuality – even the ones I’ve told. My two brothers haven’t really mentioned the topic since I came out to them. My father and I don’t discuss it – it’s just best that way. Even my best friend and I don’t really talk about it anymore. And the rest of the family and friends don’t know.

So, really, that’s why I don’t pull them into this blog more often. It doesn’t mean I don’t love them dearly, because I do. Honestly, if you are interested in hearing more about the people in my life, let me know. I’d be happy to bring them in every once in a while.

Nonetheless, I appreciate you, anonymous, for your comments. It’s good to be reminded that I shouldn’t rely on my blog too much. I don’t think I do – but I could be wrong.

3 Comments:

Anonymous said...

I am the “anonymous” you were referring to in your last post. Thank you for your comments. Obviously, I can understand your desire to protect the privacy of you and your family. I raised my points because you do not often mention the feelings you have for your family and friends or the concern they have for you. You do not often mention the effects you have on each others’ lives even though you could do so and still maintain their privacy. That’s not to say you don’t consider them…you just make little mention on the topic, so I just wanted to give you some thoughts to serve as a reminder of things you already know.

In context of our discussion, let me give you two pieces of advice. You have chosen to write this blog about your homosexuality, and most of your entries focus on that aspect of your life. Any comments your readers give you are focused on ONE aspect of your life. Those comments are usually independent and do not take into account the other rich areas of your life. I hope you will view your readers’ comments in the narrow context they are given since there is no way we understand the intricacies of your life (especially your other relationships).

Secondly, I hope you won’t rely on this blog too much. You say you don’t, and I hope that’s the case.

I appreciate your comments, anonymous. I think they serve as an important reminder to always keep my loved ones close to me. I admit that I can be fairly selfish, and I need to be pro-actively fighting against that.

However, I must admit that I don't know what you mean when you say I might "rely on this blog too much." Are you saying I rely on it to help me know how to live my life? Hmmm. Maybe. I don't think I rely on it too much, but I could be wrong.

I personally believe that I am an independent person who makes decisions after considering all the facts. Do I screw up? All the time. Nonetheless, I really haven't been relying on my blog to know how to live my life. I simply use my blog as a forum to express my concerns about situations in my life. It helps me get my thoughts out, hear other perspectives, and eventually make decisions. Nonetheless, if I were "relying on my blog too much," I would probably be 1) inactive, 2) not a virgin, and 3) living as an openly gay person.

Honestly, the majority of people who read my blog agree that only I know what's best for me. Most of them recognize that they only see a small sliver of my life and cannot possibly know exactly what decisions should be made.

Likewise, I rarely think before making a decision: "What would my blog readers have me do?" I just live my life the best way I know how, even if I come up short in many respects.

Funny enough, I’ve found that my blog has even helped me to be a better person. For example, I share everything regarding homosexuality here. As a result, I don’t ever want to write that I’ve slept with some guy on the first date. So I’m more careful on dates.

So far, the blog has been a good forum for me, in my opinion. I think a lot of gay Mormon guys jump into the deep end of the gay pool because they don't see alternatives. They don’t consider other perspectives.

I can't say my blog is 100 percent responsible for keeping me out of trouble, but I think it has helped a lot! This is my outlet. Without it, I’d probably have a lot more bottled up emotions. I’m glad I have a place to express them. But like you said, anonymous: may I never rely too heavily on my blog. :)

Hi, GM. I started commenting on Not So Usual recently and followed the link from one of your comments over here, so I thought I'd say hi. I haven't had a chance to catch up on all your older posts yet, but it's been great reading what I've read so far. I know what you mean about the awkward feeling of starting to date late!

My reaction to Anonymous's comments is about the same as yours. Anonymous, if another point of view is helpful, I can tell you're concerned about something but I don't think I know what you mean about relying on the blog too much. I mean, if GM were asking commenters here to vote on whether he should accept job offers or saying the commenters here understand him better than anyone else possibly ever could, then I would tend to agree with you, but it doesn't seem like he's close to doing anything like that. Of course, I'm new here and haven't read everything yet, but from what I have read I'd be surprised to find anything like the possibilities I just mentioned, so I'm a bit mystified.

Anyway, GM, good luck, and thanks for the blog. I look forward to reading more.

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About Me

I was first introduced to blogging by one of my professors during Winter Semester 2004. I didn't really understand it then, and I'm not sure I do today. However, I have learned that a blog can basically be anything you want it to be. With that in mind, I have created this blog as a way to describe my little conflict. Here's my problem: I'm gay and I'm Mormon. If you don't know already, the two don't mix very well. Though very few people will likely ever read this blog, I plan to use it as a way to describe my struggles, figure out my emotions, and work to overcome my problems.

To begin, I was born and raised in Utah. I'm the youngest in my family, and I have to admit that being the youngest is the best. I graduated from Brigham Young University in 2005. I'm currently working a great job in a great area. (How's that for vague?) I don't have any special talents, but I do enjoy singing -- though I don't do it well. I'm also a fan of politics -- conservative. I know, it's ironic that I'm conservative and a homosexual. Anyhow, if you have questions about me, just ask.