Bay City Rollers fans lose the run of themselves at some outdoor gig or other in the mid-70s.

9.54pm BST

In conclusion: A fantastic advert for average football. Who needs teams to be technically superb when they can serve up passionate, engaging brilliance like this? More England-Scotland internationals, please, FA! More England-Scotland internationals, please, SFA!

9.53pm BST

FULL TIME: England 3-2 Scotland. Welbeck attempts to dance through the entire Scotland defence down the inside left channel, but McGregor gathers. And that's that. A fairytale debut for Rickie Lambert, who sent an unstoppable header into the top-left corner to seal England's 46th win in the world's oldest international series. Scotland will have to make do with the knowledge that they're on the right track - this sort of display wasn't ever likely to happen during the Levein era - and that Kenny Miller scored the goal of the evening.

9.50pm BST

90 min +2: One of the strangest corners you'll ever see from Milner, down the left. He hoofs it upfield, and Baines is forced to scamper all the way to the halfway line after it!

9.49pm BST

90 min +1: There will be three added minutes of this. Zaha races down the right, Scotland having committed too many men forward. He rolls the ball into the centre for Lambert, who should score - but doesn't, shinning a shot against the left-hand post from six yards. No matter, I guess: he's England's hero tonight.

9.47pm BST

90 min: Scotland look spent, and England look happy with the way this is going. The hosts don't look in the mood to apply any further hurt. "Despite the score, we all know who really won," argues Simon McMahon. Preach on, brother, I like your style of positive thinking.

9.46pm BST

88 min: Scotland are trying their best to apply some pressure, Brown buzzing around in the determined style. Rhodes works himself a yard down the inside-right channel, but his shot is deflected and sails like a feather into Hart's arms.

9.45pm BST

87 min: Naismith fools Walker with a simple shimmy down the left wing. He slips the ball forward to Whittaker, but with dark blue shirts in the box, the full back blooters a witless effort miles over the bar from a silly distance.

9.43pm BST

86 min: Maloney is replaced by Naismith.

9.42pm BST

85 min: A bit of possession for Scotland, but it's in their own half, and England are more than happy to let them faff about.

9.41pm BST

84 min: Jagielka is replaced by Jones.

9.40pm BST

82 min: Zaha is released down the inside right by a looping pass from Oxlade-Chamberlain. A clever chip, but Zaha's not got much space to run into, and it's a tight angle. Still, he manages to poke the ball past McGregor, but unfortunately for England, his effort bounces slowly across goal and to the left of the target. Meanwhile Gordon Strachan goes for broke: tonight's early hero James Morrison is replaced by Jordan Rhodes.

9.38pm BST

80 min: Zaha turns Whittaker this way and that down the right. Corner. The ball's sent high into the area. Conway hacks clear rather desperately. Scotland are hanging on, when they really need to be throwing the dice up the other end. England have wrested complete control of this match now, though the Scotland fans are still giving it their best.

9.36pm BST

78 min: Lampard looks for the top-left corner from 30 yards. It's an astonishing effort, and well tipped out for a corner by McGregor. Nothing comes from the set piece.

9.35pm BST

77 min: Morrison sprays a diagonal pass out right to Hutton, who breaks clear of the England back line. He's blessed here with neither pace nor control, though, and though he manages to stick a leg out and steer it into the centre, it's an easy gather for Hart. Better from Scotland, but they need a bit more if this game isn't to slide away from them in the last period.

9.33pm BST

75 min: Zaha comes on for Walcott. "As emphatic as that header was from Lambert, I hope the type of finish doesn't mean that he gets labelled, at least in international terms, as just an battering-ram, route-one option," writes David Wall. "As he showed for Southampton last season he's a far more intelligent, skillful, and subtle player than that."

9.32pm BST

74 min: Baines whips a corner in from the left. It's cleared. And the ball's soon coming back to Scotland, Welbeck jinking in from the left and nearly releasing himself with a one-two off Lambert. Scotland are beginning to fray here.

9.30pm BST

72 min: Miller is replaced by Griffiths, who is involved from the off, breaking clear of the England back line and battering a shot straight at Hart, who directs the shot over the bar. But the young striker is offside, and it's all for naught.

9.29pm BST

70 min: GOAL!!! England 3-2 Scotland. And what an introduction from Lambert! England win a corner down the left. Baines fires the ball into the six-yard box. Lambert rises, level with the near post, and hammers a header into the top left! That's a superlative goal from the 31-year-old debutant, who is now assured of a place in history even if he never wins another cap again in his life. A couple of minutes, that took him! Well worth the 31-year wait, huh?

Rickie Lambert celebrates scoring with his first touch a couple of minutes into his international debut. Photograph: John Sibley/Action Images

Updated at 9.35pm BST

9.27pm BST

69 min: Milner's in the thick of the action from the get-go, taking a pass from Oxlade-Chamberlain, who was making ground down the right, then jinking around on the edge of the D. He's after getting a shot away, but it's not going to happen for him, and he's crowded out before, in an attempt to reclaim possession, handling the ball. "Time to go back to 1890s, the Home Internationals, and not deigning to play against other nations from outside," suggests backward-looking forward-thinker Adam Hirst. "That way we can pretend matches like this are both highly entertaining AND only played by the two best teams in the world." Great idea. Where is Brazil, anyway? What is Uruguay?

Updated at 9.33pm BST

9.25pm BST

67 min: Scotland make their first changes of the evening: Snodgrass and Forrest are replaced by Mulgrew and Conway. Meanwhile another shuffle by Roy Hodgson, who hooks Cleverley and Rooney, sending on Milner and Lambert in their stead.

9.23pm BST

65 min: Oxlade-Chamberlain looks for Baines with a ball down the inside left. The England left back doesn't go for the ball, but Hutton nervously toe-pokes out for a needless corner. Will Scotland rue that mild panic? Nope, but nearly. The corner's sent to the far post and headed back inside by Cahill, where Welbeck looks to recreate Mark Hughes' spectacular volley for Manchester United in that 5-1 defeat by Manchester City back in the day. The ball flies just wide of the goal, but what a wonderful attempt.

9.21pm BST

63 min: And now Lampard has a yellow card to go with his arm accoutrement, for sliding in rashly on Martin. The bagpipes start up again.

60 min: Lampard has a dig from the edge of the box, cutting inside from the left. McGregor gets down to parry. Baines is first to the loose ball, but can only waft a leg at it. The ball spins apologetically into the grateful keeper's arms. Meanwhile Alec McAulay, two Four Crowns in, is drifting off into a hop-induced nostalgic reverie: "Highlights from life in Glasgow 1968-72: Demand a Milanda! Firhill for thrills, Johnstone's for rolls, and, in an effort to see off the American hegemons with a Scottish cola, Polar Cola: Have a Poke! Then, back to re-runs of The Untouchables. That Frank Nitti - every week confounded by Elliot Ness."

9.16pm BST

57 min: Now Snodgrass and Walcott go in the book for the second-biggest handbag-based brouhaha this week. That was for bugger all. Hanley should arguably have been booked, too, for getting involved and shoving Walcott in the chest a few times. A slight size differential there. Rooney zipped over, thought a minute about throwing hands, and decided to act as peacemaker instead. There's nice. From the restart, Scotland throw the ball into the mixer a coupe of times, England dealing with it pretty easily.

9.14pm BST

56 min: Rooney should take a whack of goal as he cuts inside from the right, but opts to pull the ball back for a non-existent team-mate. Scotland flood upfield. Forrest romps through the centre circle, and is unceremoniously upended by a clumsy lunge from Walker, who is booked for his trouble.

9.13pm BST

55 min: Now Gerrard's playing right back. Shades of the 2005 Champions League final, with Snodgrass in the Serginho role. Corner to Scotland. Hanley meets the ball with his forehead, but bangs the ball over the bar. This game is magnificent.

9.12pm BST

53 min: GOAL!!! England 2-2 Scotland. Gerrard again, this time putting a ball into the area from the right. Welbeck climbs, gives Martin a gentle shove in the small of his back to ease the defender out of his road, and plants a header into the left-hand side of the goal. McGregor had no chance that time! That's a fine finish, and the England captain really has responded well to drag his team back into this match before frustration was allowed to set in.

Danny Welbeck powers a header home to make it 2-2. Photograph: John Sibley/Action Images

Updated at 9.26pm BST

9.10pm BST

50 min: Gerrard nearly puts England level from the off. A free kick down the left, which the England captain lifts into the area at pace. Martin climbs, the ball gliding off the top of his head and arrowing towards the bottom right. But McGregor gets down to palm clear marvelously! That's as good as a goal from the former Rangers keeper, and unlucky for England, because Gerrard's delivery was superb and almost unplayable.

9.08pm BST

49 min: GOAL!!! England 1-2 Scotland. What a strike this is! The ball's whipped in towards Miller from the right. Miller's on the edge of the D, with his back to goal. He shapes to turn on the left, with Cahill behind him, then turns sharply to the right. Cahill's beaten all ends up. And so is Hart, as Miller whips an astonishing effort into the bottom left corner. Hart had no chance! That's as good a finish as you'll see, and Scotland have the lead again!

48 min: A quiet start to the half, and everyone's a bit quieter in the stand. It's almost as though a day's booze is kicking in. The England band parp away awhile. Then a lone piper. The maudlin sounds of the bagpipes. And Scotland are nearly feeling sad and unhappy to match, as Martin stands on the ball in his own area, and nearly falls over, gifting Welbeck a chance. Luckily Whittaker is on hand to clear. "Great to see Gerrard and Lampard on together, eh?" quips Andy Daly, a statement that needs no punchline, but he delivers one anyway. "Surely they just need one more match to gel and show they can play together."

9.04pm BST

And we're off again! England make the first change of the match, replacing Wilshere with Lampard. Scotland are as they were. Rooney - still fit, still on - gets the ball rolling again. "If we're going to talk drink commercials in Scotland I claim the palm," begins Alec McAulay. "Tattooed hairy hand slams dark glass bottle on plain white surface: 'Four Crown. It's strong!' That's all. Then back to the fitba to see Kilmarnock or Dunfermline gubbing some fancy-dan side from Spain or Italy, all in grainy black and white. Then square sausage sandwiches and stroll down to Govan Cross at 11pm for tomorrow's papers." Ah, people buying papers! And the sun always shone.

8.48pm BST

Half-time advertisements

Whisky at £3.99! Also, I'd be interested to know if the proprietors of Landmark - "the shop at the top" from Inverkeithing - ever compensated Hanna-Barbera Productions, Inc. for their flagrant lift of the theme to Top Cat.

Whisky at £3.99, though.

8.47pm BST

HALF TIME: England 1-1 Scotland. Baines goes on another skedaddle down the left. He pulls the ball back for Gerrard, who attempts a whack from distance. The shot's easily charged down. The whistle goes for the break, with every fan in the stadium giving the players a warm ovation. That was a superb half of football. Maybe not the most technically brilliant display you'll ever see, but both teams, like the fans, were properly into it. More please, England! More please, Scotland!

8.44pm BST

43 min: Rooney puts the ball in the net, but he's flagged for offside. Gerrard clipped a ball over the top down the inside right channel. Rooney timed his run perfectly, drew the keeper, and after going round McGregor on the outside, slotted the ball away. That's a terrible offside decision - Rooney was onside by a good couple of yards - though it's true that McGregor and Whittaker had both stopped competing the second the flag went up. "Is it not possible that Rooney's dour countenance wasn't in fact caused by his disappointment at the breakdown of the move, but rather by the continued effort of hiding his injury?" wonders Matt Dony. "I mean, he almost doesn't look injured at all."

8.42pm BST

40 min: This is a whole lot better, though. Brown robs a dithering Wilshere in the centre circle, then sends Miller romping into the England half. The old striker's not got the pace to burn England off, so slides the ball to the left for Snodgrass, who sends a shot-cum-cross whistling through the English six-yard box. Jagielka is forced to slide in and turn the ball out for a corner on the right. Nothing much comes of it, but that might give Scotland some hope after a rocky period since the English equaliser.

8.40pm BST

39 min: Scotland give the old tiki-taka a go, passing it hither and yon across the back like, and pinging a couple of little triangles down either flank. It's all on the halfway line, though. They eventually win a throw down the right, which I realise isn't really news. But it's the best Scotland have managed for a while.

8.38pm BST

36 min: Scotland are sitting very deep here. Baines is a constant threat down the left, though he's well shackled by Forrest and Hutton during this period of play.

8.35pm BST

33 min: Rooney cuts inside from the left then, looking for the bottom left corner, drags his shot wide of the post. Scotland need to regain their early zen, because at the moment England are on the front foot.

8.32pm BST

31 min: Walcott looks to return the favour, making good down the inside right and sliding the ball inside for Cleverley, who slashes over the bar from eight yards. That's a chance, though at the speed the ball was fired over to him, hardly an easy one. England are suddenly looking extremely dangerous.

8.30pm BST

28 min: GOAL!!! England 1-1 Scotland. That move must have given England succour, because Cleverley slides a gorgeous pass down the inside-right channel to cut Scotland's defence into ribbons and set Walcott free. Walcott races into the area, looks to have over-run the ball, but he checks, checks inside past Whittaker and Brown, and slams a low shot into the bottom right. McGregor had no chance. What a pass by Cleverley!

Theo Walcott cuts inside and levels the match ...

... causing James Forrest to experience some long-distance existential angst

Updated at 8.52pm BST

8.29pm BST

27 min: England's best move of the match so far, by some distance, and it nearly results in an excellent goal. Walker tears down the right and slides a low ball into the area for Rooney, who is level with the near post with his back to goal. Rooney lays off a cushioned first-time pass to the onrushing Cleverley. The Basingstoke-born midfielder takes one tippy-tappy touch, and is about to pull the trigger when Martin and Hanley pincer-movement him at the last to crowd him out.

8.27pm BST

26 min: Snodgrass and Whittaker deedle around in the old-school Scottish style down the left. They nearly one-two into the area, but the move breaks down and Rooney bombs up the other end down the right. But he's got no options, and is forced to put the breaks on. He looks not wholly pleased about this chain of events.

8.24pm BST

23 min: Snodgrass diddles around on the edge of the England area, and should be awarded a free kick, Gerrard coming through the back of him. But the referee waves play on. He waves play on when Wilshere's clattered, too. Three days ahead of the big kick off, the Premier League managers are going to be loving this. Walcott looks to break clear upfield, but he miscontrols. "As I came through Highbury & Islington tube station at lunchtime today, the number of be-kilted Scotsman who were queueing up for photos outside the Famous Cock Tavern with irony intent was surely greater than the most optimistic YES vote," reports Stuey X.

8.22pm BST

20 min: Scotland are looking pretty comfortable at the moment, which is a sentence I've not had opportunity to type too often. England can surely find another couple of gears, but at the moment they're looking pretty jittery. Still, all this possession has to bear fruit at some point, you'd have thought.

Updated at 8.49pm BST

8.19pm BST

17 min: England are enjoying - no, that's the wrong word - England have more possession at the moment. But it's all a bit manic. Walcott hoicks a shot from distance a good 20 feet over the bar, and off target to boot.

8.17pm BST

16 min: Gerrard swings a ball into the Scotland area from the right, Baines coming in with a view to planting the nut on it. But Hutton is well positioned to head clear. England come back again down the right through Walcott, the Arsenal man jinking away in the Scotland area, surrounded by blue shirts. He reaches the byline and looks to pull one back, but he can only find Brown, who mops up. The Scottish defence did well not to panic, there, as Walcott's twinkle-toed run had penalty written all over it.

8.15pm BST

13 min: England have had most of the ball since the restart, but aren't putting anything together. They look stunned, and no wonder. Hart has let his side down badly there, though he'd be within his rights to question why Morrison was allowed to advance on the area in such a fuss-free style. "Given the huge growth in the sports rights market over the past 20 years, isn't it about time somebody found a way to monetise bragging rights?" wonders Chris Taylor, who one suspects doesn't have two brass bawbies to rub together. "In the hands of a savvy commercial operator like Richard Scudamore, 14 years of bragging rights might have funded a Scottish football renaissance or at least paid for some nice summer holidays in even-numbered years."

8.13pm BST

11 min: GOAL!!! England 0-1 Scotland. Well, well, well, here we go. Professional irritant Kenny Miller wins a corner down the right, with some incessant pestering. The set piece is cleared, but only as far as Morrison, who takes one touch, ranges forward, and bangs a shot towards the bottom right corner. The ball ends up flying into the top right, thanks to another almighty howler by Hart. That is an appalling error, though Morrison's shot contained the requisite venom.

9 min: Rooney tries to slip Welbeck clear into the area with a first-time flick to the left of the D, but Martin is on hand to blooter the ball miles upfield. A fascinating juxtaposition of approaches and aesthetic sensibilities. "Your (non) mention of Euston took me back to last night," writes Matt Dibble. You can already sense where this is heading, can't you. "I had the fortune to share a train into Euston with the tartan hordes. Tinny iPhone powered, accompanied renditions of Flower of Scotland and the Proclaimers on a loop (my request for the Krankies' Fandabidozi for some themed relief went ignored). Vodka and Irn Bru fuelled, we disembarked at Euston, spilled out and bumped into a sizeable group of blindfolded people learning about guide dogs. Imagine the sensory overload upon lifting the blindfold to the kilted cast of a very drunken Braveheart."

8.08pm BST

6 min: Baines goes on a wee jog down the left, and guides a cross-cum-pass into the area for Rooney, arriving late level with the left-hand post, ten yards out. Rooney attempts to flick a sidefoot into the bottom right, but doesn't quite connect properly and the ball flies across the face of goal. The England fans boom in anticipation, and their opposing number yelp in joy when it's clear the move won't be leading to a goal. There's a stunning atmosphere in Wembley tonight, one even the Sheffield Wednesday band can't bugger up. Both fans are giving it loads.

8.06pm BST

5 min: Forrest goes on a dribble down the right in the 1960s style. He does well to loop a cross into the area from a deep position, and Snodgrass brings the ball down, but again he can't get the shot away. Gerrard and Wilshere shuttle the ball upfield, but the counter loses momentum the minute Walcott gets involved down the inside right. "Hodgson says 'we have more important tasks ahead, we have to bear that in mind'," reports Simon McMahon, who is planning to party like it's 1999. "Scotland don't. Strachan says 'I hate friendlies. This isnae a friendly. This is different'. STV is playing The Proclaimers and interviewing Joe Jordan. This is ON!"

8.04pm BST

2 min: Walker has an early run down the right, which Hanley does well to check. The ball's soon coming back at Scotland, Walker getting a cross in this time, but Brown is there, hoofing clear in the no-nonsense style. Before kick off, incidentally, Independent Television Service pundit Roy Keane was asked whether this might be his kind of match. You could almost hear him setting fire to his trousers by rubbing his thighs in vigorous excitement. "Oh yes," he drooled. "There's been a bit of rain on the pitch. So hopefully a few tackles will come flying in." He's after a bench-emptying brouhaha, isn't he. But then aren't we all, secretly of course.

8.01pm BST

And we're off! Scotland get the ball rolling again after a 14-year hiatus! And oh me, oh my, the roar from both sets of supporters is something else. This is on, ladies and gentlemen! Snodgrass takes a potshot from 25 yards after 25 seconds, but the ball's blocked the millisecond it leaves his boot.

8.00pm BST

The teams are out! And what an atmosphere! The players line up, and there's no faffing about: it's time for the national anthems. Officially, of course, there's only a national anthem for Great Britain, and not these two puffed-up regions, and it's that dirge the English insist on singing. Scotland understandably want nothing to do with it, and parp out the 1965 hit record Hang On Sloopy Flower of Scotland instead. Then England give it a blast of God Save The Queen. You know what happens next. Everyone respects each other's choices. OK, no. The Scottish fans give GSTQ pelters. Joe Hart responds by wearing an affronted coupon, though none of the other players seem to give a flying one. This is cartoon nonsense, and many of the England fans seem to be more highly amused at this predictable turn of events than anything else. Superb.

7.38pm BST

While we're whiling away the minutes before the big game, I've uploaded four pretty pictures of classics past. Don't say we don't spoil you. (We don't spoil you, it's true, but we'd rather you didn't go on about it.)

Here's Jimmy Greaves scoring the last hat-trick in this fixture, back in 1961, as England stuffed Scotland 9-3. Note where the ball is, and where Scottish keeper Frank Haffey is still looking, a disconnect which suggests his reaction times weren't totally fit for purpose.

I've double checked all the facts, and this is Scotland winning the World Cup in 1967.

To hell with the goonish dentist-chair celebration, there was delicate beauty on display that day at Euro 96 as well.

This goal may not have won qualification for Euro 2000, but it did secure 14 years' worth of bragging rights, for what bragging rights are worth.

It's the 111th staging of the oldest and most storied international fixture in Association Football! Let's step back in time a moment, and recall ...

☞ The 17-year-old James Prinsep, on his one and only appearance for England, helping his side overturn a 4-1 deficit to win 5-4 in 1879!☞ Jimmy Cowan of Aston Villa overpowering the great Steve Bloomer in 1897!☞ Jimmy Cowan of Aston Villa, having earned the captaincy, firing passes into the stand while all pissed up on booze in 1898!☞ The Wembley Wizards of 1928, an England team starring 60-goal Dixie Dean no match for Alex Jackson, Hughie Gallacher, Alex James, et al!☞ Frank Haffey, singing in the bath after letting nine - nine! - goals in.☞ Jim Baxter humiliating the champions with a game of keepie-uppie, seconds before England got hold of the ball and raced up the other end to score!☞ "Welcome to Scotland, Sir Alf!" / "You must be fuckin' jokin'!"☞ Sir Alf turning his team loose at the SFA's snowy centenary celebrations in 1973 and watching in high amusement as they stuck five past the hosts!☞ Scotland tearing England apart in 1977, the fans following their lead with an assault on the Wembley fixtures and fittings!☞ Steve Bull!!!☞ Gazza!!!!!!!☞ Don Hutchinson!!!!!!!!!!

Scottish fitba fans make an opportunistic political point in Trafalgar Square earlier today, like Alex Salmond at Wimbledon only with more wit and subtlety.

Of course the match should, on the balance of all available evidence, be a fairly predictable affair. England have only lost once in their last 17 matches, a surreal whacking in Sweden, and will be calling on some of the world's biggest stars in Wayne Rooney, Ashley Cole, Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard. Scotland by contrast have recently been gubbed home and away by Wales, and may at some point tonight field Charlie Adam. And yet, and yet. Firstly, the Scots aren't quite the depressed shambles they were under Craig Levein, self-confidence restored by the dynamic and determined Gordon Strachan to the extent that their last result was a jaw-dropping win in Croatia against a side ranked fourth in the world. All England can boast in the way of comparison is a recent victory against some shower or other from Brazil who weren't even in the top ten at the time. Quod erat demonstrandum?

OK, no, but secondly, this is England versus Scotland. England. Versus. Scotland. Form and common sense are, more often than not, sent wheeching out the window amid a maelstrom of misplaced high-tempo passing and ear-high challenges. Anything could happen, anyone could win. Magnificent. Football in its purest form.

Kick off: It may well do, yes.

The match starts at: 8pm.

It: is on! Enjoy the game, everybody, and whatever the result, remember that, at the end of the day, the Euston and Kings Cross areas will be best avoided we're all just football fans.