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Dealing With Postpartum Depression – A Husband's Perspective

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published on June 13, 2013

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When it comes to postpartum depression it is not just the mother who suffers. I asked Andy to write about coping with it from a partner’s perspective. Here is what he said.

Let me be the first to say that I am not the best at dealing with postpartum depression. To be honest I didn’t really even know what it was until after my wife miscarried for a second time. We were living in Wisconsin at the time and I received a disturbing call at work that she had a miscarriage while at a church function with some friends. I hurried home. It was early on and neither of us had known she was pregnant at the time. I tried to console my wife but there was not much I could say to her to get rid of the emptiness. The next nine months changed our marriage.

After the miscarriage I did very little to educate myself on dealing with postpartum depression, mostly because I did not realize my wife was dealing with PPD. I knew that it could occur after delivering a baby, but I didn’t know what to look for. When Boston was born we just went on with life and I never knew any different. After the miscarriage in Wisconsin I knew that there was a difference but I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know you could suffer from PPD after a miscarriage, so while I knew something was wrong, I did nothing. Probably one of the worst choices I could have ever made.

The miscarriage happened in September and we knew as we were entering into the winter months that my wife struggles with seasonal anxiety/depression. With the cold Wisconsin winter we had that year I thought she was struggling with the weather and being locked in doors all day, I had no idea that she was actually trying to cope with the effects of postpartum depression. But in reality, she was dealing with something much larger than the weather outside and I had no idea.

It wasn’t until we had Raider and my wife started to suffer from postpartum depression again that I began to educate myself. As I have learned about postpartum depression, I have found that some of the effects of postpartum depression include, but are definitely not limited to, sluggishness, fatigue, mood swings and uncontrollable crying. I had attributed the mood swings and uncontrollable crying to the weather and lack of a social life. We struggled mightily until it got to the point we had to move back to Arizona.

I know this is one example and it was after a miscarriage, not a live birth, but the symptoms are just as severe after a miscarriage. I just didn’t know. Postpartum depression is real and should not be ignored. It seems that shortly after we have a child we always seem to have something negative pop up in our life and I tend to focus on fixing the negative and leave my wife to deal with postpartum depression on her own. Looking back now, this was not my best plan either.

Treating postpartum depression can take a large effort and is something to be taken seriously. When in Wisconsin, my wife joined a mother’s group which met weekly. It is a national organization so when we moved back to Arizona she joined up there as well. Support groups are excellent ways in treating postpartum depression and I know my wife continues to receive support from this group even though she no longer attends. Other ways to treat postpartum depression include exercise and a healthy diet, consistent sleeping patterns and possibly medication.

Up to about three months ago I was still unaware of what it meant to be dealing with postpartum depression from a father’s perspective as well as a mother’s. I have since started reading and going with my wife to counseling so I can help her. It has not been easy and I have to work hard to support her in the ways she needs. If you are clueless, like I was, get educated. If you are dealing with postpartum depression, get help. There are groups to help but don’t try to do it alone. I did and it has nearly cost me my family.

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