Doug: If the good people of Cow Hampshah wish to replace the now fallen "Old Man of the Mountain," I suggest they commission an artist to begin cahving Papi's face out of the side of a granite outcropping post-haste.

Mike: Absolutely they should. People would top off their E-ZPass accounts and drive from all ovah to prostrate themselves before the giant granite countenance of the Beloved (and then pick up a couple cases of cheap booze at a state liquor store on the way home.)

Doug: And just because I know it makes Yankees fans shit their collective Hillary Clinton pantsuits when we say it … Ortiz and Manny are the greatest 1-2 offensive punch since Ruth-Gehrig!

Mike: And it's not just the Ruthian Red Sox offense that has smutty nosed Yankees fans kids whimpering "I see Red Sox people" when confronting reality. There's also the the homegrown young guns.

Doug: Papelbon, Delcarmen, Hansen … Can I get an oh-yeah, a hell-yeah, and a fuck-yeah?

Comments

I like the Papelbon, love the Papi (and Tek, etc.), hate the Remlinger. I hope to see a story on the wire sometime today that the Sox's answer to Tim Redding has been DFA'd or at least been given another job with the Sox - like driving their shuttle bus or has been demoted to playing Wally the mascot...

The coolest thing about having Papi's image replace the Old Man In The Mountain is that you would then get to replace his image on all the state's quarters and highway signs. Just think of the huge boost to the NH tourism industry!

I honestly don't know which is better. Papelbon throwing AAAA stuff, Papi's and Tek's bats or the fact that the MFY take it up the ass from their Bizarro World Nemesis.

Everyone is being very cautious about JONATHAN, but I bet Tito and Theo are already clean out a locker (Remlinger?, Bellhorn? Alas poor, Youk, we knew him well) for this young man. If Schill showed Papelbon the splinter, do you think Papelbon could return the favor and maybe give the veteran a few pointers. That boy throws the splinter the way it was met to be thrown.

Dude! This is one of your best comics ever...Inspired stuff. Greetings from Lund, Sweden, from a Bostonian stuck in Scandinavia...But the baseball team here is pretty fun to watch, even if they don't attract that many of the soccer-lovers in this neck of the woods. http://www.baseboll.nu/

h.b., I should take you by my parents' house. It would give you hives. I'm the same way and so people wonder how it is I am my parents' son. The answer is all the years of the old man saying "clean your room" finally got to me. Now I'm like Monty Burns in his casino. If I had my way my house would look like the set of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Oy Papi, mi amigo...all I can say is there's few greater sights than that sweet, sweet, low-ball hammering swing. I don't know what Papa Jack did to him during that fateful spring training in '03, but let's get credit to him for turning Ortiz into the monster he has become. He should get a little more credit than he does in sparking the Sox's bats to life - in Jack's first season as hitting coach the Sox scored 102 more runs than they did the previous season.

Has anyone noticed that when Papi's NOT hitting home runs (i.e., bases-clearing RBI doubles), he has this weird jump at the end of his swing, like he's surprised he made contact and has to hurry to first?

And it was nice to see the Sox's collapse from the other night eclipsed by the spanks' complete disintegration at the hands of the Devil Rays. Torre and Trammell were competing for bonehead managerial move of the night last night. Pitching around Huff was totally un-Torre-like. I mean, one out, 1st and 3rd, anything hit in the infield gets you a DP and out of the inning, and Proctor looked like he couldn't find the plate if he fell on it. I wonder if Torre is just tempting Steinbrenner to fire him now.

Papelbon was even nastier last night than he was in Minny- THAT'S what five innings are supposed to look like (paying attention Bronson?) Cripes- this guy's potential kinda scares me...

Now is the time of year when Papi steps into his phonebooth and puts on his "Captain Clutch" suit (complete with extra wide shoulders). Not to take anything away from Tek's performance last night (shades of Billy Mueller w/out the double grannies) but FUCKIN RIGHT PAPI!

Looking ahead, I have found myself extremely psyched for the two pitching matchups I get to see this weekend- Clement (v. Lackey) on Fri and Jonathan (v. Byrd) on Sun.

h.b., and dewey jr, I'm with you. My mom's place would probably give you both catatonic fits. I usually can only take it in small doses. Swedish/Danish minimalism is very cool. Fortunately for me, my lovely spouse is into the Asian minimalism. My mom always comes over and asks if we are moving because she thinks it looks like we packed up all (what she thinks we should have) of our stuff. I kind of helps calm you down when you are stressed (like Monday night)!

This is what distinguishes Yankee fans. They roll with the punches. They don't get all 'FUck Yeah' when the going is good 2 days ago, and they don't cry in their beer after a tough loss. They just pick themselves up, dust themselves off go back to kickin' ass and leaving a footprint.

looking forward to the west coast swing- have tix for saturday and sunday in disneys playground.i hope they set off the fireworks when the sox hit them out as well. keep the show rolling thru so. cal., then go back to fenway.sox win/yanks lose. sounds pretty good to me.i would like to see schilll starting soon, keep papelbon, jettison millar.

I think the Yankees should do all baseball fans a favor and change their team name for the next 3 years. It's a disgrace to good Yankee players throughout history that they get swept by the Royals (17 game losing streak for them) and get beat like a red-headed stepchild from the 5th place Rays.

Laughing my ass off, h.b. Chillicothe, MO? Too fucking funny. Good detective work. Figures the middle of nowhere would be appropriate for a real nowhere man sitting in his nowhere land making all his nowhere plans for nobody (geez, that sounds familiar...).

Come to think of it, the entire song's lyrics would be appropriate for He-who-cannot-be-named.

Mixed feelings on Manny being out of the lineup today. I hope it gives him a rest for the ass-whuppin' we shall do on the Halos. We need all his strength.

Honestly, with a population of 8,968 and its main claim to fame being that "[i]t was recently discovered that sliced bread was first offered for sale - ever - in Chillicothe, Missouri," you'd be hard pressed to find a place more the antithesis of NYC.

Reminds me of the movie "Waiting for Guffman" set in the fictional town of Blaine, MO, "The Stool Capital of the World"?

Sigh - you guys caught me. h.b is right. I'm NOT from NY. Instead I am indeed from MO. I'm really a Cardinals fan and I've just been busting your chops all this time. Good luck with the rest of the season...

I have to say that for once, I agree with BigBri. Yankee 'fans' are happy to buy tickets to the Biggest Toilet Bowl in the Bronx(tm) when the team does well, and are the first to say "Derek who?" when the team is in the shitter. That's the essence of "rolling with the punches" in Yankeeland; changing the channel and putting the pinstripe jersey in the downstairs closet at the first whiff of mediocrity.

Me? I'll say "fuck yeah" every time my team has a good night, because, you know, I'm a fan, and that's what Boston fans do. We cheer on our team, game in, game out, good seasons and bad, pink hat invasions or respectable on-field apparel, stupid Jimmy Fallon movies or no, yankees fans loud and obnoxious or quiet and humiliated. I won't make any apologies for that.

Jesus. I was flipping out when Tito decided to bring Remlinger into a two-run game in the first place, and then he somehow manages to conjure three outs. So Francona tempts fate and brings him back out again?!?! And actually gets 2 more outs from him?!?! Remind me to NEVER EVER play Russian Roulette with Tito, because dude's got his own set of Saturn Nuts.

Damn. Oh well, not even Papi can be expected to be Superman every game. This is one where we'll look at the 15 runners LOB and wonder if things would've been different if Manny hadn't "needed" a day off.

[quote]Sigh - you guys caught me. h.b is right. I'm NOT from NY. Instead I am indeed from MO. I'm really a Cardinals fan and I've just been busting your chops all this time. Good luck with the rest of the season...[/quote]

So, you acted like a Yankee fan cause you knew had nothing to bring from the Cardinals point-of-view?

You did a great job though. I was convinced you were a stupid toothless Bronxian slob.

"Immmmm spreading the news...it's up to you CHILLICOTHE, CHILLICOTHE!" Big Bri...in a wicked Chillicothe state of mind. "See you in September," he says? Just keep looking up.
Chillicothe...I'm just sayin

One more tip of the cap to BigBri. You had me completely. Way to play your part. Although...this isn't a double-sting, is it? You're not...you're not actually a Yankee fan now posing as a Cardinals fan? Way to get me riled up, either way.