Send me email updates about messages I've received on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.
By signing up, you certify that you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.

Was trying to be nice- unintentional overstep?

Locally we have a pro-football player that hosts a free football camp at the local university. It's a cool thing where he brings pro players and the kids get to work with them and meet them and get free shirts and stuff as well. All three boys (my two and dss). Are signed up. Dh reminded bm that it is coming up (on her Saturday). She asked if she is able to just swing by and drop dss off there. Then we found out that an adult must be present to sign each child in or they won't be allowed in ( reasonable IMO). So dg let her know she woul have to get out and sign him in. I ( through dh I didn't speak to bm). Offered to pick dss up in the morning and bring him Bc I have to bring my boys anyway so no problem I can help her out. Apparently bm was very offended I offered and got angry and told dh to butt out she would handle it, she doesn't need me.

That's fine I'm not offended, I never presumed that she did, I just figured I could lend a hand if I was going anyway and I had brought the boys last year and I know it can take a while to sign in. Unintentional overstep?
She has seemed to be less confrontational lately and I'm worried that by trying to be what to me was just being nice I rocked the boat and now the contention is going to start again.
Crap mommysabs fail!

I honestly don't know why that is overstepping or why it would make her made. It's an offer I would make to any friend of dd or to any parent who maybe makes a comment that they can't get their kid somewhere that my kid is already going. For example: we have the same thing with volleyball camp. One mom was telling another mom that she didn't know how she could make the 445 drop off. I mentioned to my mom friend well I could take her (I know the other mom but wasn't a part of the convo). She mentioned it to the other mom and she was so appreciative and gave me a call to set it up. Moms helping moms out. What's wrong with that?

Yeah that was my mentality about it. I would have offered for any kid I know. It didn't say a parent had to sign them in just an adult.

Quoting momof2ex1:

I honestly don't know why that is overstepping or why it would make her made. It's an offer I would make to any friend of dd or to any parent who maybe makes a comment that they can't get their kid somewhere that my kid is already going. For example: we have the same thing with volleyball camp. One mom was telling another mom that she didn't know how she could make the 445 drop off. I mentioned to my mom friend well I could take her (I know the other mom but wasn't a part of the convo). She mentioned it to the other mom and she was so appreciative and gave me a call to set it up. Moms helping moms out. What's wrong with that?

Overstepping isn't in OFFERING something, IMO, it's in doing without being asked, or it truly not being necessary. Anyone can ask, offer, think, or feel what they want. Neither you nor BM would be out of place. You (through DH) didn't say 'well, BM, mommysabs will come get DS from you since you can't get out of the car to sign him in', he simply let your offer be known. On her part, a polite "no thanks, I've got it covered' would be all that was necessary.

I don't think you overstepped and it seems BMs reaction was 'expected' on some level by you/DH. Maybe DH could have simply said 'sorry, BM, we found out that an adult must sign the players in and be present the entire time the kids are there.' and let BM ask for help if she wanted/needed it?

It doesn't sound like overstepping to me. Sounds like something people offer to do for others, regardless of relationship, to help the other out. I've made similar offers to family members and friends and they've made similar offers to me. I would blow it off personally.

Send me email updates about messages I've received on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.
By signing up, you certify that you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.