About Me

Welcome to my blog. My pen name is Eva James. I'm an aspiring writer paying the bills working as a legal secretary.
Relentlessly bullied by my former boss, I looked for another job but the recession hit. Feeling trapped, I recorded everything in this blog, which serves as a revealing insight into workplace bullying.
WEEK 1 starts the story and, as the weeks progress, you'll note what starts as banter soon spirals out of control. Sadly, it's all true. Whilst along the way I've found alternative employment, my passion for blogging about workplace bullying remains.
Trevor Griffiths, legendary theatre, TV and film writer said at the outset, "I like the writing a lot: smart, cool, placed. If you were prepared/able to take your prick of a boss on, you'd marmelise him."

Saturday, 15 June 2013

I spent four years in an organization, two of which were
horrible, due to workplace bullying. I eventually left abruptly after things
came to a head. My manager (due to pressure from our “big boss”) was harshly
reprimanding me for not following guidelines of a loosely defined assignment,
even though my colleague was doing the exact same thing but with no
consequences. She also was going to write a negative yearly evaluation that
didn’t take into account any of my accomplishments. My bullied experience took
its toll on my health and caused me to choose whether to stay and continue the
humiliation or leave and have faith that I can find a different way to support
my family in a bad economy. With several young children it was a hard decision
to make. Ultimately, I chose to leave and have not regretted it since. I cannot
be specific as I was forced to sign an agreement to not disparage the organization in order to
receive severance pay.Here is more of
my story.

I worked in a small organization and we did good
work.I established myself with some
good projects and had a good rapport with colleagues. Things started to turn
after I inherited an Ill-conceived and over-budgeted project. The
organization’s leader was corporate-minded and the morale of the organization
reflected this. After my second year any feedback given to me was always
negative. As a good worker I accepted the feedback and tried to do better (we
all must improve in whatever work we’re in). But, however much I improved or accomplished,
I never received du credit. Additionally, any errors I made, no matter how
small, were the focus of my performance. The feedback received was also
vitriolic and delivered more to demean than to improve performance. With bills
to pay and children to support I kept trying to be a good worker and accepting
their assessment of me until I noticed major errors all around me, from fellow
colleagues or even management. However, depending on who caused these errors,
they weren’t looked at as errors and certainly didn’t receive the scrutiny I
was.

It was increasingly apparent that I was in the dog-house permanently, no
matter what I did. I also noticed that those around me weren’t receiving the
scrutiny that I was receiving, due to some type of preference. I still feel
that there was some gender bias as I worked in a female dominated environment
but we’ll never know. My suspicions were confirmed when randomly and unsolicited,
colleagues came to me and indicated I seemed to always get a raw deal no matter
what I did.As a test, I even borrowed
pieces of a previously heralded writing assignment that a co-worker (held in
positive standing) used and was told “we don’t write like that here” and “this
is not good writing”. On another occasion, my immediate supervisor complimented
my presentation to our board on a major project I developed. Hours later she
took it back because the big boss didn’t like my presentation, though the board
members were clearly impressed. There were more instances where my successes
were nullified and errors emphasized even while colleagues and bosses were making
the same errors, but with no negative reaction. So when things came to a head,
I chose to gather my pride and have faith in myself, rather than accept their
bullying efforts just to hold on to a paycheck.

The experience left me
depressed, anxious, angry and my weight had been a yo-yo. I decided the stress
of working there and the lack of respect I received outweighed the anxiety of
not knowing where my next paycheck is coming from. Now, I feel great about
myself and my health has improved dramatically, physically and mentally. I now work
in a temporary full-time position that pays well and with people that value my
work. I still need to look for a permanent situation but have no doubt that I
took the right course of action. I know because my health has improved, I know
what my strengths and weaknesses are and my self-respect has grown immensely
from how I ultimately handled the situation, by taking control of my career
from the bullies. Some lessons I’ll keep from the experience are:

·

Don’t
wait to protect yourself from bad evaluations or feedback that you deem is
unfair. If the bosses have negative items in your record, you need to have a
written rebuttal, with examples backing your argument.

·Know
the personalities of those around you (and above you) and what are the best
ways for you to communicate with them. Some people are more “A” type and others
are more “B” type. You need to know which you are and which they are (or at
least seem to be).

In
my situation, my boss was type A and very competitive. Her attitude was finding
fault was like a competition, with a winner and loser. Once she didn’t like me
she looked at me in a negative light no matter the situation. For these types
of people you have to defend yourself aggressively, not say “OK, you’re right”
which I did for too long. Appeasement only makes the aggressor more aggressive.
Sticking up for yourself garners respect.

·Tout
yourself. Not in a fake way but keep a file of accomplishments that you’ve made
throughout the year/career and bring them up in your reviews.

·Be
honest with yourself and your boss in terms of the mistakes you make. That way
you can improve. When you make mistakes (we all do), own them and look for ways
to show improvement and note them.

·You’re
only as good as your latest boss says you are. If your boss is always negative
towards your performance and it doesn’t get better, it’s time to go. Kick the
job search in high gear.

·If
you’re health is suffering (not eating, depression, anxiety) leave skid-marks.
It’s cliché but your health is all you have at the end of the day. Letting the
bullying boss negatively impact your health is unacceptable.

·Make
connections within and around your organization. The more linkages you have the
more positive you are viewed and that can be a protection from bulling bosses.

Saturday, 8 June 2013

This weeks heartbreaking and inspirational guest blog comes from @ALtillMom.

I was top of the leader board every month, held company revenue record, closed the largest deals, managed
the biggest client base, had the best retention numbers, and I was also the
target of the CEO’s daily office bullying.Just because I was a top performer did not mean I got a free pass from
his toxic tirades.

For 3 years I gave this small HR resource firm my all,
including my identity. The irony was, our
clients were businesses in Canada who required support, advice and
documentation to support proper Human Resources practices. We did not practice what we preached. Every day I was subject to belittling,
screaming, yelling, name calling, sexual innuendo, discrimination and
ultimatums.I was called upon daily to
train staff, lead the team to success and support operations in addition to
hitting my required sales targets. I did it willingly because I was great at it
and I loved my clients and my colleagues.However, I was also constantly told I was toxic, people hated me and I
was a horrible employee. I was paid really well and therefore lived in the false
reality that the money made this abuse ok.

One Monday my reality cracked, my daughter begged me not
to go to work, explaining I was mean when I came home.I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize
the person I saw.Reflected was a person
who drank daily, dreaded getting up, was on anti-depressants, and was 40 pounds
overweight and borderline suicidal.The
very next day I started looking for another job, but every lead was at half my
current income, so back into the misery I cowered as the primary provider for
my young family.

Fast forward one month to the day, I got fired! I thought
my life was over, how was I going to feed my family?Where was I going to get a job?I lived in a city with a 10% unemployment
rate and I was a horrible toxic employee who was worth nothing!Right? -- WRONG!

In a matter of hours my network of good people started
recommending me for jobs, I had 10 interviews in 6 days and 3 offers within 10
days, but most importantly I rediscovered my value and self-worth.

I eventually chose the brilliant company I work for now,
not for the money but for their corporate values:respect, integrity, relationships,
excellence, leadership and collaboration.All the things I was missing under my previous CEO’s reign. It’s been 18 months and I finally recognize
myself in the mirror again! I’ve lost 40 pounds, rarely drink, eat clean,
exercise daily, no more anti-depressants, and most importantly my family is happy
again!

Do I still get haunted by my former boss?Yes, in my nightmares, occasionally on
twitter, and every time I get a bill from my lawyer.But I survived, and if you are in the same
spot I was, you will too, but you have to choose you first.You are worth it, you are a good person, and
you are not the problem.You can break
the cycle for you, one step at a time.