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Sheldon Cooper Quotes

Sheldon: If I were to give you this gift basket, based on that action alone, and no other data, infer and describe the hypothetical relationship that exists between us.Employee: Excuse me?Sheldon: Here. [gives woman gift basket] Now, are we friends, colleagues, lovers? Are you my grandmother?Employee: I don't understand what you're talking about, and you're making me a little uncomfortable.Wolowitz: See, sounds just like you and Penny. We'll take it.

Penny: Sheldon, what do you want?Sheldon: I'm certain this will come as no surprise to you, but Leonard is failing in yet another relationship.Penny: He's having problems with Stephanie?Sheldon: She's sending virtual livestock to random men on the Internet

Raj: I'll tell you what, how about we go rock-paper-scissors?Sheldon: Eww, I don't think so. Anecdotal evidence suggests that in the game of rock-paper-scissors, players familiar with each other tie 75-80% of the time due to the limited number of outcomes. I suggest "rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock"

Penny: Wait, Sheldon. This has gotten way out of hand. Okay, I've done some stupid things; you've done some stupid things. How about we just call it even and move on with our lives?Sheldon: I've done no stupid things.Penny: Look, you've got to meet me half way here.Sheldon: I am meeting you half-way. I'm willing to concede that you've done some stupid things

Sheldon: The entire nation dedicated a decade of effort and treasure to put a man on the moon.Wolowitz: Well, my fellow Americans, before this year is out we will put a Wolowitz on one of America's top models.Raj: And a large number of people will believe it never happened

Ramona: You're not going to Halo nightSheldon: Yes, I am. It's Wednesday. Wednesday's Halo night.Ramona: Didn't a great man once say, "Science demands nothing less than the fervent and unconditional dedication of our entire lives"?Sheldon: He did.Ramona: And who was that great man?Sheldon: Me. Sorry, Leonard.Leonard: Seriously? You're not coming?Sheldon: You heard her. How can I argue with me?

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Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.Penny: You're kidding. Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.