Izzyizin,Lueji, Blackcurrants and all DV posters are you there?

(old thread springaroundthecorner/Domestic violence, done the right thing now what?)

Sorry I know there are many others who have posted great support but have just choosen names that I have seen on the board recently.

Really asking for support. I went to the "appeal" today and it turns out to be full fucking new crown court trial. I was in Witness box for 2 hours plus 1 hour lunch break. I was called a liar about 50 times and I am in total shock.

It is not even over. It will continue tomorrow but I am done (In every sense.) It was so bad that the Witness Support lady said she would be reporting it to her manager and had never seen the like of it in a DV case before. I am not sure I should even be talking about it seeing as it is not over but as not giving details hope it is ok.

The court clerk type person - I know he wasnt and not sure of his title but he sat in and had a clip board and seemed to know a lot about procedure said that the barrister was v senior and that the judge was not stopping him because he would be afraid of procedural complaints. He said that was actually a good thing as he would have brought it to a swift end for my sake should he feel he was going to have to overturn the original verdict. The CPS barrister was lovely and very kind. He said I had done well. My friend who came said that too but it didnt feel like I had. I got quite angry but they said I came across as decent and honest. I am actually embarassed as when the judge said we were stopping for lunch I said to him I cant do any more and he ignored me of course. He was kind at the end and I said thank you when he said I could go. Sorry this is not very well written but worn out.

Well I'm still here...Big thanks to OFT for posting when I couldnt but I wanted to let you know. Tears are streaming down my face now at all your kind words as well as the shared anger. It is particularly good feeling the shared anger. The system fucking stinks.

I've got to find some way of getting through this and going out and having a pizza was first step in the healing process. Just to feel like just another normal person out socialising on a Friday night was good.

There has to been some good to come out of this for me hasnt there? It is somehow got to be turned into something positive. How do I do this?

Honey, when the good comes for you it is going to take the form of an prolonged shower of abundance raining down on you. .

The first step is to obtain a transcript of the Judgement which should be in the possession of the CPS within the next week or so. Once we know the ground(s) on which the Appeal was upheld, we'll be able to start turning this apparent negative into a big, fat, POSITIVE.

In the meantime keep munching those pizzas and, with each mouthful, remind yourself that you are, indeed, just another normal person getting on with your life and learning and growing from all of the negative and positive experienes that come your way.

When you are feeling stronger, start looking around for movements that object to the way women are disadvantaged wrt how they are treated by the Justice System when they try and make men acknowledge their bad treatment of them. The whole thing is massively biased towards men...you only have to look at the abysmal conviction rates for sexual assault, rape and proving male on female domestic violence.

That's a pertinent question, Spring, and on balance I incline to the view that the answer is 'no' and that viewing the transcript is not going to make you feel any worse than you did at the time you were told he'd won his Appeal.

However, were you fire off complaints to your MP or suchlike, and were they to take the matter seriously enough to obtain a copy of the transcript, and should this document imply that your evidence was unreliable, IMO you would feel infinitely worse than when you received the unwelcome news.

But, for reasons that I'm too tired to set out at this late/early hour, I very much doubt that, in the unlikely event your evidence has been deemed less than convincing, the transcript will baldly state that Mr Fucking-Twunt's Appeal is upheld is because the wonderfully courageous woman we know you to be his fragrant dw lied through her teeth.

Get some good zzzz's tonight, honey, and we'll resume tomorrow but please bear in mind there's no rush to formulate a cunning plan complaint or any other course of action at the present time.

1. It occurs to me that unless you have copy of the transcript you will be unable to refute anything the fuckingtwuntshitfacegobsite may say about it - and we can confidently put money on him crowing <aims Colt at fuckingtwuntshitfacegobsite's teeny tiny bolleaux>

At the moment I do not have the strength to go looking for transcripts from the court.

Also I dont actually care what Twunt says. He did it and every knows he did because he is an agressive arsehole to everyone these days. He doesnt have any friends and OW is the same. I havent communicated with him since this day last year and my children are the same bar the odd incident. He confessed he did it to my daughter.

If he tries to contact me about this I will report him for harassment. His only available line of communication with me is email. I have a new email address and I keep the old one just so that he can email me if anything to do with property we still own together needs to be discussed. He knows I have a new email address and I have refused to give it to him. Once the divorce is finalised I will remove the address he uses from my phone and that will be the end of that.

Twunt might have got off but seeing as he got such a derisory punishment in the first place nothing has changed for him just as nothing has changed for me. He just paid a lot of money to get off but he was convicted in the first place, My friend who came with me says mud sticks. Anyone who doesnt believe me is not worth caring about.

Finally he wont be celebrating too hard when the bill lands on his door mat willl he??

Forgive me - of course you don't have any strength at the moment and I apologise for having been premature in making suggestions that would more properly have been best left to a later date should you have expressed an interest in registering a formal complaint at the deplorable way in which you have been treated.

Unfortunately, I got somewhat carried away by the desire to bring the twunt to his knees this matter to the attention of those that are in a position to review current procedure in order to further the ongoing battle to ensure that, as been the case here and as it is for so many, victims of dv are not further victimised by the justice system that should serve to protect them.

As it is, you've rapidly reached conclusions that are as measured as they are accurate. The best revenge is to live well and I have no doubt you have already achieved this, and will continue to do so.

With regard to the cost of this farce, I sincerely hope the twunt's legal bills in no way diminish the funds that are made available in respect of your eventual divorce settlement.

If possible, you have just gone up in my esteem Your posts above are showing such clarity in the face of this bastarding bastard adversity.You are a credit to your DC, I imagine you feel wrung out but - honestly - your strength shines through. for you

Thanks for the above posts. I had another little tear when I read them.

Today's issue is my 17 yo ds who was only 15 when the assault took place. I havent kept him informed as I wanted to protect him and he now is angry and frustrated that he was not given an opportunity to contribute to my case. I am not sure he could have and not convinced it would have been appropriate but the time has passed so no going back in any case. He is such a mature and sensitive young man that I am bursting with pride. I hate to see him so sad and distressed.

He reminded me of an incident which took place 2 years ago when I laughed at Twunt for a reason that any normal person who join in and laugh too, but Twunts response was to grab me by the collar of my coat and shake me and tell me not to ever laugh at him. He did this right in front of ds who had also laughed too because it was funny!!

He has made me promise I will tell him everything in the future and I have. There is nothing more I can do. So glad he is back at school on Monday for the distraction.

Once this weekend's over and your ds is back at school, the lake will become calm and you'll soon be gliding effortlessly over it again.

Your ds's anger and frustration is understandable, as is your desire to shield him from the complexities of adult life that he'll be facing all too soon, and it's endearing that he's so protective of you.

Ultimately this can only strengthen your bond and, overall, I'd say this is another lose-lose situation for the twunt.

It has been great today to have company all day. It has stopped me brooding. I think I am going to have to ask for further help from friends to visit me over the next few weekends. I actually slept all night and I usually wake about 4 am and that's me for the night. Feeling safe perhaps?

Dear Spring,I can't believe that you have had to face such an unjust outcome; my heart goes out to you.I don't have any advice, as I have never been in your difficult situation, but I hope you now focus on getting the very best financial outcome for yourself and your children, and that you fight for that with no holds barred.Sending you strength and fortitude.

Long story but as you can imagine Twunt is pulling every lying trick in the book himself over them. Next court session on finances is June. Its a long road but I have very good lawyers onto it. I hope the long delay gives me strength. I've got to get luck on my side sometime and I could do with that being the time. I can see myself posting about this for a long time to come.