Archive for the ‘Hotels’ Category

Guy on cell: I'm walking to my room from breakfast. Then I'm going to take a dump. Then I'm going downstairs.

–Hallway, Marriott Courtyard Hotel

Barista walking in, to no one in particular: Unfortunately, I'm here.

–Starbucks, Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Robert

Lost tourist: We are stuck here in the middle of Times Square!

–Rockefeller Center

NYU girl on phone: Hello? No. No, I can't meet you. Because I'm lost. I'm lost in the West Village. You know how the streets there get weird? I have no idea where I am. I've been wandering around for hours and I don't know if I'll ever make it back, ever! No, don't try to find me, I haven't seen any street signs in ages. Okay, see you tomorrow…maybe not.

–Union Square

Loud black drag queen yelling into cell: Bitch, don't play with me! I know where you at!(pause) Where you at?

Pissing guy on phone: What do you mean you're not going to have sex with me? (entire bathroom laughs hysterically) See! Even these motherfuckers agree with me!

–Bathroom, Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Bobby

Dad to young son in bathroom stall: Aim in the bowl. Aim in the bowl. Aim in the bowl. Did you aim in the bowl? Did you aim in the bowl? (son comes out of stall) You did! But you didn't flush. One out of two ain't bad.

–Bathroom, Union Square Movie Theater

(constipation grunts and electronic sounds are heard inside next stall)Guy in next stall, on walkie-talkie: Hey, Tony, turn the walkie-talkie off when you take a shit!

–Men's Room, Hilton Hotel

Drunk white girl: Oh my god, this bathroom is so dark. How am I supposed to see my vagina?

–East Village

Tall black British guy using the urinal, to himself: Repeat aftah me…you are a rock star! Ah! Yeah!

Security guard, after metal detector beeps: Ma'am, would you please remove your wooden bracelet and walk back through the metal detector again?

–Liberty Island

Overheard by: heather linford

Crazy security guard: I have so much gas. I'm going to take all my gas and send it to Iraq and end the war. (gets distracted by a girl walking past with an ice cream cone) Hey, you're stomach's gonna freeze!

Tourist to desk clerk: We are looking for some good authentic Mexican food, do you recommend the little place next door?Desk clerk: No, if you want real Mexican food, there’s a Chipotle around the corner.