I have some ideas for comic strips, so I thought I'd create a blog for them. They're poorly drawn and won't get me any money, but that never stopped professional cartoonists.
My motto: SUM ERGO DECIPIO!

And how exactly did I come up with that, April? I'll tell you. For years, I have cultivated my humor through carefully controlled experiments on domesticated animals and inanimate objects of various sizes. The results? Well, who can tell. The inanimat objects were not moved, and who the hell knows when a dog thinks something is funny? So I scrapped it and asked "what would Jesus do?" then I'd call him up (he has unlimted free minutes) and ask him. He'd say, "no no Doug, don't say that. You're my best friend, even if my dad doesn't think you're a good influence."Then I'd say "Your dad doesn't know me. He doesn't KNOW ME!"And Jesus would say, "Don't be like that. Come on, I'll buy you a beer."And the answer is just that simple. Of course, after 2 beers, I end up saying the joke anyway, and while everyone is giving me dirty looks for my deplorable taste in bathroom humor, I realize that I accidentally forgot my wallet...again..."Okay," says Jesus, "I'll get your beers and my bottle of Single Barrel you smashed outside, this time."That's why Jesus is such a buddy.But really I came up with it because I wanted to say RECTUM.