Thursday, 19 July 2012

Blowing your load over people with pretty skin?

I have this theory and I guess it is some what based on a bias but I think that Tattooed people are just prettier. Easy as that. I think anyone that has been following my blog would know that I am starting to errrr on the side of moderately tattooed (I guess its depends on who you asked) much to my nans disgust.

I got my first tattoo at the ripe old age of 18, my first boyfriend had been getting tattooed and I was so impressed with what was going on that I decided that I wanted one as well. I remember my first tattoo was an ordeal, every little point of it, from the hand picked design (from the Flash Wall) to where it was going and when I was going to get it done. I picked my design and had it in my car for 2 weeks looking at it every day to make sure it was what I wanted and that I would be able to live with it forever. I finally settled on the "Sex Dragon" (I had the tattoo for 8 years before a friend of mine realised that the junction between its tail and its wings read as SEX. Awkward) to go on my highly original lower back. I remember thinking how hardcore I was because it was huge, I laugh now thinking about what the me then would think about the me now. I got an additional 5 small ones over the course of the next year and considered myself to be heavily tattooed (again I laugh at this notion). But for me the best (or the worst considering who you ask) was yet to come.

Sex anyone?

My tattooing stopped until I was 26 when I decided that I would like to get a new one, something small and subtle and not to obvious that I could hide. I settled on an Audrey Kawasaki Design for my inner wrist and remember feeling concerned about work as I now had a visible tattoo. I met the Army Brat a few months later and fell in love with the art thoroughly again and there was no turning back. It was with each new tattooed that I pushed my boundaries a little bit further, got more and more visible skin inked and finally topped it all off with a full back job. I am now of the opinion that I have gone this far so I may as well keep going (Sorry Daddy, but you know this anyway).

I am not sure if its just me or if this happens to most heavily tattooed people but every where I go people want to talk to me, either to play show and tell or inform me on the wrong decisions I have made in my life by getting tattooed. Here are a few of my favourite stories

- Every Tuesday a little old man and his wife go shopping at Vic Park Coles where I used to go to get my lunch and every Tuesday the little old man felt the need to leave his wife's side to come and tell me what a disgrace I was and that I should be ashamed of what I had done to my skin. I always smiled politely, thanked him for his opinion and wished him a lovely day (this happened for about 5 weeks in a row)

- After getting my Ditch (the crook of your arm) done I went to Maccas to get myself some important after tattooing food and while getting served the girl at the counter took in my now soggy bleedy glad wrapped arm and decided that she would like to share her tattoos with me. This is an extract from that conversation "Oh that's an interesting place for a tattoo. I have three and they are all in unique places as well. One is on my ankle, one is on the inside of my wrist and one is on the back of my neck. We have so much in common". As you can imagine in my head I was screaming "SHUT UP AND GIVE ME MY FUCKING BURGER BITCH!!!!" but on the outside again I smiled politely to her

- People feel like they have the right to touch you when you are tattooed, I was out one evening with my friends in a low back dress when a lady in her 40s came up to me and pulled the back of my dress down without asking me. I was shocked and taken back and spun around and looked at her and her response was "I just wanted to have a look, clearly you wouldn't have got it if you didn't want people to look". Here is a little hint for people, if you want to look, ask. Most of the time I (or other tattooed people) will be happy to show you. I should also maybe put this as a warning, The next person to try and undress me when I am out is going to cop it, I shall rip their shirt off and run around brandishing it over my head like a Trophy. After all what's good for the goose is indeed good for the Gander

In reality its not all bad though, people are more likely to come and talk to you and be your friend if you are tattooed because they have an easy conversation starter (I met a super cool chic called Carmen on St Paddys day at the pub because of my peacock) and now days they are getting more common so its not so taboo. Sometimes I wonder if people only try and hook up with me because of my tattoos though, sometimes it bothers me and then sometimes it makes me go "Oh well, if they look past the tattoos my personality is pretty amazing as well" and all is right with my world again. Or is it?

I met a young lad called David (I am not even going to try and hide his identity) out at a drinking establishment one fine evening, he was 23 and from Melbourne. We got chatting, he convinced me to steal the bottle opener from behind the bar and then he bought me a beer. This kid was on a winner. He was very tall and very good looking and we got along famously and if by coincidence he happened to be staying on the street behind my house so we decided to share a cab home. I am sure you can see where this story is going so I will spare you the gruesome details and say only that we got "intimate". I am a firm believer that the first one is always a freebie, so when he managed to uncap his load after 1 minutes without fore play (and I say this without a word of a lie) I just laughed it off and said it was ok. Well you can imagine my shock when it happened TWICE more within the space of an hour. I hear you ask what this has to do with tattoos, well it was his excuse (yes you read that right). After the third time I looked at him incredulously and raised an eyebrow, to which he meekly replied "Your tattoos made me so turned on that I couldn't control myself". As you can imagine he retrieved his pants and made a hasty exit. But this got me to thinking, are tattoos really that much of a turn on?

I made it my some what joking mission at the start of the year to sleep with someone that was more tattooed than myself to test this theory. Don't tutt about how whoreish and shallow that is, everyone needs to have ambitions. I would like to take this moment to bask in my glory and announce proudly to the world that I, Miss K achieved this goal early on in the year (its good to knock your goals off early so you can put your feet up and relax). Let me set the scene for you, Easter Weekend, Local Pub, Pints of Cider and something to prove.

How could he not want this?

I was sitting down with my friends on a lovely chesterfield couch getting comfortable with my cider and drinking in the Ambiance of the venue when in strolled a Good Looking Blonde lad and his trusty side kick. He was everything that turns me on, he was wearing a hat, covered in tattoos and drinking beer. I couldn't fail!!!! When I saw him step outside for a smoke I saw my opportunity and I pounced. I cant remember what my line was but I am sure it was terrible (I think it was something about child hood somethings). I ended up spending the whole evening chatting to him and his mate and as the pub was closing up he asked if I wanted to head back to his house for some more drinks, I obliged and what followed was a few months of hanging out and catching up.

I have to admit that during this time I got a slight glimpse at what Old Mate David might have been feeling when he looked at my naked colourful skin. When I was with Mr Tattoo I couldn't take my eyes off him, I caught myself trailing my fingers over him without realising it and if he had his shirt off, well goodness me. I was wowed by him and his beautiful skin and I'm not even ashamed to admit it. I guess I was lucky to have found a tattooed one that actually has a nice personality. It shows that not even the tattooed are immune to swooning over the more tattooed.

With every tattoo that I get I feel more confident and more beautiful. The colour that I feel inside my body is now on the outside. I look at photos of myself before tattoos and I think I look strange and incomplete. It does sneak up on me though sometimes, while standing in a Myer changing room, I looked at myself in the mirror and went "Wow, when did that happen" and just smiled because its something I created.

So do yourself a favour, hook up with a tattooed person. It will be amazing... guaranteed