How To Get Rich Quick

Life costs money. If you never had to worry about money again, you could live forever. I don’t give a shit about anything. I wish I could kill myself without dying. So here’s how to get rich quick. Either suck dick for money, be a webcam model (masturbate in front of strangers), make porn films, or go on the street and sell your body. Now, some prostitutes claim, “It hurts really bad sometimes. Also emotionally scarring. The people tend to be extremely unattractive.” Don’t worry about this. All you need is enough money to start buying stocks and trading them, or to buy advertising spaces in the local newspaper for your cocksucking business. Remember, both men and women can suck penis!

If you’re wearing clothes, chances are that you aren’t making money.

Being a webcam model is easy. All you need is a camera, an internet connection, and the willingness to degrade yourself in front of strangers. You can either fuck people you find on Craigslist or shove dildos in your vagina, mouth or asshole. People will give you money for doing certain things, like 50 cents for taking your bra off, or a quarter for putting your dick in the microwave. I highly recommend incorporating violence into any sex you have on camera. People are fucked up and evil and want to see that more than anything. Remember that dirty anuses do not sell, and that the more fucked up what you do is, the more viewers you will get. 9.8 out of 10 men have a foot fetish. Gay guys like to see men have sex with jars of peanut butter. Get creative.

South Park is anti-Semitic

Having sex with people for money is illegal in America, dangerous to your health, and bad for your reputation. But where else can you make $100 in an hour? I mean like besides having a high paying job or selling drugs. Speaking of which, drugs and alcohol will be your best friend in this business, because you will often not be in the mood, have sore holes, or have to deal with rude and unattractive customers. Be high, be drunk, carry a knife or gun. People will try to rob you and rape you. Prostitutes get raped more often than the members of any other profession. Be prepared to kill these people and have an alibi. Be sure to ask your customers if they have any disgusting fetishes that you can satisfy.

Benjamin Franklin fucked a lot of prostitutes, which is why he died from syphilis

Porn!!! Want to have sex on camera and then have it uploaded onto the internet where it will remain for all eternity for your friends and family to eventually see and be horrified by? Want to permanently ruin your reputation and possibly lose future jobs? Then have sex with men with incredibly large penises, or women with severe emotional issues! You will not be allowed to wear a condom and will likely contract serious STDs up to and including AIDS. You will regularly experience Urinary Tract Infections. But…. you’ll be famous! And rich!

Take off the condom from the “I” key. That is your porn career!

SUCKING DICK. There is no career more rewarding. You will never be short of work. Dicks are delicious and cum is nutritious. Be sure to stretch your jaw first. If it cramps up in the middle of a blowjob, you might accidentally bite the man’s penis, which can lead to lawsuits. Be sure to swallow; sperm are pretty much pure protein. Jiggle their balls while you work, and use your hand on the shaft. Look them in the eyes. Try not to puke on a penis, some guys like that, but many will lose their erection. This means deep-throating properly and being careful to avoid penial contact with your uvula. And always keep in mind that you are making the world a better place. Enjoy your millions of dollars!