Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer, quite diversely, the following:Do guys fake orgasms?

Straight Single Guy (Colin): Of course! We probably don’t faux the Big O as much as women do, but every now and then the circumstances might call for us to fake. If our endurance is flagging and she’s begging us to finish, of course we might pull a Sally Albright so we can just go to sleep.¬†Obviously it’s a bit more difficult for us to fake a finish considering the visual evidence that comes with our climax, but if the lights are off (or we’re experienced street performers in sleight of hand) we might try and pull a fast one on you if we have to. It’s not you, it’s us. Unless it happens more than once — in which case you should check out the “Books by Us” section of this site.

Straight Married Guy (Matt): I haven’t heard many guys talk about faking an orgasm (I can’t think of a single one, actually). Guys do sometimes talk about trying desperately to delay an orgasm with a new girlfriend or someone who really turns them on, but not so much with the faking. I have personally only faked once; it was after a girl I was dating and I had already had sex once, and I think she thought she was doing me a favor by initiating a second round. After we’d been going at it for a while, she told me not to wait for her, as she could only have one orgasm per night and had already had one. After some time, being no closer to getting off, I performed my one and only fake orgasm. I was young then, and didn’t realize it would have been just fine to tell her that, like her, another one for me just wasn’t happening.

Gay Committed Guy (Terence): If guys fake orgasms, then I ‘d love to know how. Did I miss something? Maybe I’m way behind in sexual know-how, but I can’t think of¬†ever having¬†faked an orgasm. I have wanted to orgasm quickly and get the hell outta there, but that’s just wishing for godspeed, not faking it.¬†I don’t know how or why I’d ever fake it.¬†Boys’ orgasms are so…visual and fun!In your face, on your face, inside you, all over you. Woohoo! I’m curious to see what situations your readers come up with involving guys faking orgasms, ’cause I just keep it real, baby.

Our ‚Äúwise guys‚ÄĚ are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. Colin Adamo is an undergrad at Yale University where he directs the biennial Sex Week at Yale; the other two are a little shy.

The only time I ever faked it was the first time I had sex. I was terror-stricken and just wanted it to be over. I also considered it highly weird that I couldn’t get off – this was the big moment I’d been waiting years for!

Anxiety and shame made me fake it my first time. But I’ve never dont that since.

It’s actually easier than it sounds. Even easier when there’s lots of lube. Even easier than that when you’re wearing a condom. (You can just say “oops, gotta get this off before it leaks” and scamper to the bathroom.) Back in the old pre-web days a popular Usenet poster also said it was easier than you’d think if a partner was deep-throating him.

And you might wonder how, if one was being deep throated, one would need to fake it. One answer would be if you’ve had too many orgasms recently but you still really like sex. Another would be that you’re taking those #%!$% SSR anti-depressants where you can’t come to save your life, where sex still feels really, really good, and where your partner nevertheless feels bad/inhibited/inadequate/uninterested if you’re not going to have one. There are other less cheery reasons as well (untreated depression, for instance) but those will do.

A lot of guys aren’t comfortable talking about not being interested enough to orgasm. We’re always supposed to be ready! Or men are only interested in one thing. Or men are selfish lovers. Or men can’t fake it. Of course we can. My thing is why would you want to? Sex can still be pleasurable without orgasm. Or just give your partner one. If it isn’t happening for you and your partner thinks they’re giving you one, be sweet, gently stop and say you’re satisfied, you want to cuddle or whatever until you’re up for more.

I’ve done this a number of times with a number of women. Here are some scenarios that have actually happened to me. Sorry for the long, somewhat graphic post, but my intentions are scientific, not erotic. Some of you seem to doubt the possibility of this anomaly, and I feel the need to explain in detail the situations where it can, and does, happen.

1. I’m kind of a jerk sometimes, and have wooed women into sleeping with me just for a feeling of accomplishment. I’m definitely the guy who keeps a count of the notches in his belt. I was late in developing a personality, so I take it as a kind of therapeutic reassurance that there’s nothing wrong with me. I’ve never misled them with delusions of relationships or even claimed I really liked them. I’m just extremely smooth with words and – like anyone else with a talent – I like to exercise my abilities. One day I was at work (I take sales calls in an office and there is a lot of down time) texting a girl who I wasn’t attracted to, but who seemed like a challenge because she was shy and quiet. I spent the afternoon texting her back and forth, being suggestive, naughty, cocky… all the things you hate about the guys who get all the things you wish you had (admit it, you know the ones). She was in college and had an evening class that was scheduled to end around the same time I was to be passing through on my way home, so I dared her to follow me home. I didn’t offer her a ride, because I didn’t want her staying over, I wanted to be able to ask her to leave. So we came into my house, sat on the couch a bit, talked, started making out and I took her to my bedroom. She was a bit nervous so she took off her own clothes and I removed mine. We made out a bit more and then I put on a condom and started having sex with her. Being nervous, she wasn’t much to write home about in bed, and not being attracted to her, I realized after 20 minutes or so that I wasn’t going to be able to get there. She’d already gotten hers by that point, so I slightly altered our position and then raved about the change as if that was the most amazing thing I’d ever felt, pulled an Al Pacino-caliber performance of a finale, collapsed a bit, panted, laughed (you know, the inevitable routine when you DO get there) and went to discard the condom so it didn’t “get messy.” Then came the song and dance about neeing to be up early for work, and away she went.

2. I used to see a girl who was the absolute tops at giving oral sex, and actually had a thing for doing it (this, she did NOT fake, as she would get all worked up, her skin would turn red, and she would shake). She would come over and hang out, and talk would turn jokingly sexual, which any honest guy with an ounce of game will tell you is tactic #1 in the arsenal. She would get all flustered, get to what she did, and then finish. Seeming like a jerk here but not actually cold when it comes to sex, I always wanted her to get hers too. But I only do oral in 2 scenarios: when I’m in the middle of things and don’t want to pop yet, and when I’m in a committed, loving relationship. I wasn’t in either situation here, so I didn’t want to do that. I decided to just have sex with her, as I’d done numerous times before. Sometimes I would get off, but many times I couldn’t. Part of this was due to me not really being attracted, but most of it was due to the fact I’d just gotten mine and as my teenage days of bouncing back are behind me, I was ill-equipped to get there. I had sex with her, sometimes not even really erect, until she got hers a time or two, then I would pull out, pretend to be capping it with my hand, and run off to the bathroom. We didn’t use condoms, so I had to be a bit more creative. Nonetheless, she never knew about it, and we had a lot of good times together as single friends with benefits.

3. The one I actually felt really guilty about. My girlfriend and I were living together, and I worked early shifts and she worked midnights, so there was rarely a chance for us to “go to bed” together, per se. I can’t quite remember the scenario exactly, but for some reason she was all wound up and I was dead tired and wanted to sleep. I didn’t want to let her down though, or make her feel like she didn’t excite me because she took that kind of thing very personally, so I performed oral for a bit, then had sex with her. It was good sex. It always was with her, and that wasn’t the issue at all. I was just so incredibly tired! I yearned for her to get hers so I could do something, and finally, she did, and any time she did, there was a lot of wetness involved, so what a perfect time to fake it. I reared up and got all into it, and faked like I’d just had an orgasm inside her. I did the same routine I mentioned, complete with collapse and all (hell, I even flex my penis so it pulses), and she had a hard time buying it… she asked me if I’d just faked it (like an idiot, I had told her when we first became friends that I had done that before) and of course I couldn’t cop to that, so I adamantly denied it and cited the wet spot in the sheets as evidence. She let it go, but I don’t think I fully got away with it that time…

As a woman I have to say I have been with guys who faked it. Usually when we were going at it a second or third time. I knew they faked it but I didn’t mention it, nor did I take it personally. Most of the time the sex was great, so why let it bother me? It’s simply biology, the love and intimacy were there.

And yes, those antidepressants ruin sex lives for men and women. Deal with your issues head-on.

well, ive faked a couple orgasms when i was first having sex. but i found out later that faking it really is stupid, especially if the other person is trying hard to make you orgasm. so, its best to simply tell them you are not going to reach it.

I can tell when guys faked it in a new relationship. Sometimes they are truthful, sometimes not. I don’t care. Could be a thousand reasons why.
When they contine to be dishonest about it. Then I have a problem with it. If your not getting honesty, sex will degrade to nothing.
My sex drive always seems to be stronger than about 75% of my partners, and they just can’t come that many times. They don’t have to lie. Maybe they just had a great time with themselves earlier.

Being sexually well-matched is an important component to a lasting relationship. If you are not matched in that area I don’t think you should try to have a marriage.

Definitely have done this a few times…It’s after a long bout of sex usually where I’ve somehow managed to disengage my member from the idea of ‘finishing’ but of course you eventually reach a point where it’s obvious my lady-friend has gotten off a few times and it’s safe to finish…I just can’t!

So you give em a little, OHHH! AHH! Ahhhhhh….=] and it’s done.

Also, really really drunk I’ve had to do this a few times…just so I could go to sleep!

Interesting comments about faking orgasms. I recall when I was younger, and more inexperienced with sex, I allowed guys to just have sex anyway they pleased and didnt complain. However, The older I’ve gotten, I just cant fake anything! I believe sex should be enjoyed. Nothing turns me off more than when any man cant make me reach a point of orgasm. It’s sickening!! From the moments I have any inclination that a guy cant make me reach an orgasm, tuff luck for him because when I cant reach one, he wont reach his either.. And I think I’m just to honest an outspoken about Sex because I dont pretend or fake anything and any partner who I’ve been with in the past 6 years probably would even get nervous to sleep with me, because they know if their not performing up to par, they like most restaurants would use “86″ to delete or remove something.. I’d usually just 86 these guys…

Yes, I’ve faked climaxing, but have not had to often. Frequently, it occurs when she’s already climaxed a few times, and although the sex is good, I just can’t quite get there. Now, if she’s still enjoying herself, I’ll keep going, but if her body is getting tired (i.e.: she’s no longer wet, she’s not really doing anything, her comments all sound faked) then I’ll fake one. I’m sure some have known it, but I think (hope) I got credit for being considerate of her. Besides, if I don’t climax, then the next hour we can go until I do.

I was with a guy once who was allergic to latex (and there was a lack of alternative birth control available during our time together), so we would do the old pull out thing and he faked it once (inside me)just to see how I would react.

We stopped fooling around after that. I thought that was a really weird thing to do, especially if you were just going to admit it like five minutes later.