Win Over Her Friends

Even after you've gone out a few times with a new woman, you haven't sealed the deal until you're in good with her girls. Why should you care? Your girlfriend's friends play a huge part in her life and have a big influence on her. And if you're really interested in your new girlfriend, then you're going to have to live with them. Follow our advice for winning over her friends, and they won't try to turn your girl against you.

Female friendships are stronger than a male's, says Bill Coffey MSS, LCSW, a senior staff therapist for the Council for Relationships in Philadelphia, PA. "Women have a sense of loyalty to a friend, and out of loyalty comes concern," Coffey says. If she's been in bad relationships in the past, the friends will look for negative personality traits in the new guy, Coffey adds.

A woman's friends are wary of a new boyfriend because sometimes the girlfriend disappears once she gets into a relationship, says Michelle Callahan, Ph.D., a psychologist and the relationship expert for the Tyra Banks Show and Women's Health magazine. So even if your girlfriend's the one ditching plans or dodging phone calls from friends to spend time with you, her friends will blame you, not her. "It's a competition for time and attention," Callahan says. "She's going from doing everything with her friends, to spending all her time with the boyfriend."

Make Her Friends, Your Friends

When a woman is ready for you to meet her friends, she's inviting you into her life. "She's hoping everyone can get along, so she won't be torn between two worlds," Callahan says. But it can also be a test. If your girlfriend's hesitant about your future together, she'll seek a second opinion from her best friend.

Show Interest: The first time you meet your girlfriend's posse, you need to make a lasting impression. Ask the same questions you asked your girlfriend when you were just getting to know each other. A good subject to start with is to ask them how they met each other, Callahan says. "They'll enjoy telling stories about each other without feeling interviewed," she says.

But not too much interest: "You're better off showing interest in her profession, but nothing personal," Coffey says. Her friends may take it the wrong way. Show a general interest in them, but save the flirtatious tone and wandering eye for your own girl's hip-hugging dress.

Prove she's in good hands: "Too much PDA can backfire," Coffey says. When you're hanging out with your girlfriend and her friends, show your lady the right kind of attention. Kiss her on the cheek and hold her hand, but don't make her friends feel uncomfortable.

Be Chivalrous: "Act like a big brother to her friends, " Callahan says. "But let it come naturally. Don't try too hard." Hold the door open for them, replenish drinks, and if one of them says she's cold, offer up your sweatshirt. Pulling out a chair for every single one of her friends? That's taking it too far.

Be generous: "The 20 bucks spent on her friends will go a long way, by impressing the friends and the girlfriend," Callahan says. "If the boyfriend doesn't offer to buy her friends drinks, he runs the risk of looking cheap."

Include her friends: Plan a camping trip, a hike in the mountains, or a night out in the city, and suggest her friends come along. By including them in your plans together, they won't feel like you're trying to hijack all of your girlfriend's time. If one of her friend's has a boyfriend, set up a double date. "As much as possible, divide time between alone time together, and time spent with other couples or in a group," Coffey says.

Don't kill girl's night: "By suggesting she hang out with her friends, it will make the boyfriend seem unique and cool, and not the jealous type," Callahan says. "Her friends will respect him for allowing her a sense of independence." Doing your own thing can help maintain a healthy balance in the relationship, that way you're not overly fixated on each other. Plus, while she's out with her friends, you can go out with your boys.

Hook her friends up: Put together group dates, so her single friends can meet your single friends. Having your friends by your side while you get to know your girlfriend's friends will take the spotlight off you, and help you feel more relaxed because you'll be with people you already feel comfortable around. Plus, there's always the possibility that two of your friends will hit it off.

Don't be Moody: Save the poutiness for mom. If your girlfriend says or does something you don't like around her friends, take her aside later and tell her what's bothering you. Sometimes women act differently around their girlfriends. It's okay to let her know she's busting your balls a little too much, but don't call her out in front of her friends.

Understand her need to vent: "Women tend to talk about every little detail," Callahan says, so if she's venting to you about something her friend did to upset her, or how her friend hooks up with a lot of guys, keep your girlfriend's comments to yourself when the time comes to meet her friends.

Agree to disagree: If you really can't get along with her friends, go ahead and minimize contact. "It's okay if they have to have separate lives, where she hangs out with her girlfriends, and he hangs out with his friends," Callahan says. "People get in more trouble trying to force it." If you value the relationship, you'll find a way around the tension, Coffey adds. "It all comes down to communication."

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