The Other Side of the Story - Giving People the Benefit of the Doubt

The best way to fulfill the mitzvah of judging favorably
is to be as specific as possible. While it's commendable to think,
"There must have been a reason for such behavior," it
is even better to consider what that reason might be. We should
first consider the likely, but if that doesn't help we should
be willing to move on to excuses that seem unlikely. Far-fetched
is also credible. Far-fetched need only mean the unconsidered.
For example, take the case of ...

Tanya

Sima and Tanya shared a room in the hospital maternity
ward. Sima had a boy, Tanya had a girl. That's how their friendship
began. As the years passed, their friendship continued although
they lived quite a distance apart. They called every few months
and they exchanged holiday cards year after year. One day,
Sima received an invitation to the bar mitzva of Tanya's oldest
son. This was one bar mitzva Sima didn't want to miss! But she
was invited to a wedding and another bar mitzva on the same evening
which she had to attend! Sima decided to attend all three affairs.
The night of the bar mitzvah, Sima raced like a maniac from affair
to affair. Finally, she arrived at the bar mitzvah. She walked
over to the head table where her friend Tanya sat. "Tanya!
Is that really you?" Sima exclaimed. She threw her arms
around her friend in a warm embrace. "You look marvelous!"
Tanya responded with a weak smile. "Where's the Bar Mitzvah
boy?" Sima asked. "And where's your little Sarah?"
Tanya pointed to her son, and then over to where the girls sat.
"What was wrong?" Sima wondered. "What kind
of greeting is this?" Sima tried to make a little more conversation
with Tanya, but to no avail. With a sinking feeling, Sima went
home.

Two days later Sima's phone rang. "Sima, it's
Tanya. What happened? Why didn't you come to the bar mitzvah?"
"Are you kidding? Don't you remember? I wore a blue dress,
I came a little late, I hugged you, I asked you where Sarah was..."
"Sima! That was you? I didn't recognize you! I've never
seen you dressed up. I guess I'd only recognize you in a hospital
gown!"

Sima knows, as we all do, that a host -- when harried
and facing many guests -- might not immediately recognize or "place"
everyone who walks in. But at the time, that reasonable possibility
didn't occur to her.