Do I have a right to know?

In November i broke up with my girl friend of almost 2 years, we have remained friends and only just recently stopped hanging out more than once a week. It was a hard split because we both still love each other very much so it was extremly hard to actually stop acting like we were together. In the last two weeks she has been hanging out with a new guy and she just yesterday told me she likes him. It shook me and surprised me, because to me it seems so soon, she told me at first he was just a friend. Last week she told me she hung out with some friends and ended up spending the night over his house wathcing movies, she said nothing happened and I believed her because i couldnt even think that she could even be interested in someone else at the time, i really thought she just was meeting new people through old ones i dont know why, i just guess i thought she felt the same way i did and wasnt even thinking about anyone else let alone another relationship. But now i come to find out that she likes him and has been hanging out with him late at night. my question is, do i have to right to ask her if she has become intimate with him? I know im not her man anymore and its none of my business, but we were extremly close, we went through a lot together, as some of you may recall; and i still consider her my best friend, and she says the same, although now, i really am doubting a lot she tells me, not because she wants to decieve me, but because she doesnt want to hurt me. we even had a mini intervention about her depression and fears about now being a graduate with her parents on new years day.
I want to know because i know i need to move on, and if she has already taken the first steps, it will be a strong encouragement for me too.

Hmmm...interesting question. I don't think you have a "right to know". Sorry...it's her business and she can choose whether she shares it with you or not. (Now, consider that I haven't read the prior threads, so I really don't know the history or anything...so pardon me if I'm misjudging here.)

That said, if she's your best friend, then you should be comfortable asking her what you need to know AND you should be comfortable telling her what you just said above about "if she has already taken first steps, it will be a strong encouragement for me too". If she's your best friend, then she'll want to be honest with you, and I would think would choose telling you the truth (which might sting a little) versus hiding it from you and setting you up to be more hurt down the road. You might want to let her know that if she is taking her first steps that it won't harm your friendship (if that's truly the case, of course).

Or if you guys have already split up, maybe you don't need to ask her...maybe just go ahead and move on, and keep her as a friend?

Gold Member

Hmmm...interesting question. I don't think you have a "right to know". Sorry...it's her business and she can choose whether she shares it with you or not. (Now, consider that I haven't read the prior threads, so I really don't know the history or anything...so pardon me if I'm misjudging here.)

That said, if she's your best friend, then you should be comfortable asking her what you need to know AND you should be comfortable telling her what you just said above about "if she has already taken first steps, it will be a strong encouragement for me too". If she's your best friend, then she'll want to be honest with you, and I would think would choose telling you the truth (which might sting a little) versus hiding it from you and setting you up to be more hurt down the road. You might want to let her know that if she is taking her first steps that it won't harm your friendship (if that's truly the case, of course).

Or if you guys have already split up, maybe you don't need to ask her...maybe just go ahead and move on, and keep her as a friend?

Gold Member

I know it seems like a really short time since you guys broke up and she started seeing someone else, but it's been a month and a half. If she'd started seeing someone else within a day or two then I'd say that was a little too soon for comfort.

I realize that you still love and care for her a great deal, but you're still thinking of her as if she's your girlfriend. Keep in mind that she's not, and if she wants to be someone else's girlfriend or sleep with someone else then it's none of your business. I mean I'm sure she would never expect you to be completely forthcoming about the details of your next relationship.

my question is, do i have to right to ask her if she has become intimate with him? I know im not her man anymore and its none of my business,

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...just fascinating.

We need a forum called "The Bar" where people can come and get things out of their system.

Dude, with a little luck, she went down on him and gave him the best blow job of his life and then he licked her until she came. Twice. And then they fucked like pigs the rest of the night and they both thoroughly enjoyed it.

Now, with a little more luck, you'll move on with you life, remember the good times and see if you can find you a girl friend you really like who will like you. Then, with a little luck she'll give you the best...

It hurts. Just for awhile. And it's OK. Love hurts and that's what makes it worth it.

Gold Member

I know im not her man anymore and its none of my business, but we were extremly close, we went through a lot together, as some of you may recall;

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Well, though it may sound harsh, no, you don't have the right to know. You've already acknowledged that it's none of your business. Let it stay that way. It's her information to do with as she pleases, and if she doesn't want you to know, she does not owe it to you to tell you...

I'm sorry you've lost someone special. It sounds like you're going through a tough time, and I hope you get through things, and keep your chin up.

Gold Member

We need a forum called "The Bar" where people can come and get things out of their system.

Dude, with a little luck, she went down on him and gave him the best blow job of his life and then he licked her until she came. Twice. And then they fucked like pigs the rest of the night and they both thoroughly enjoyed it.

Now, with a little more luck, you'll move on with you life, remember the good times and see if you can find you a girl friend you really like who will like you. Then, with a little luck she'll give you the best...

It hurts. Just for awhile. And it's OK. Love hurts and that's what makes it worth it.

In my honest opinion no you do not have a right to know if she has been intimate with him or not. The two of you have dated and you have remained friends. However that does not give you any special rights or privildeges with her. Furthermore based on your posting it is my feeling that she sees you as strictly as friend with no intention of beoming anything more and it appears at the present time she is taking steps to distance herself from you. Her distancing may be due to the fact she wants to be closer with him but is struggling with a way to tell you directly. Also she may be distancing herself as she feels she needs you to be a more distant and less involved friend. It is my feelings you have two options available. First option is to talk to her about your observances,

In the last two weeks she has been hanging out with a new guy and she just yesterday told me she likes him. It shook me and surprised me, because to me it seems so soon, she told me at first he was just a friend. Last week she told me she hung out with some friends and ended up spending the night over his house wathcing movies, she said nothing happened and I believed her because i couldnt even think that she could even be interested in someone else at the time, i really thought she just was meeting new people through old ones i dont know why, i just guess i thought she felt the same way i did and wasnt even thinking about anyone else let alone another relationship. But now i come to find out that she likes him and has been hanging out with him late at night. my question is, do i have to right to ask her if she has become intimate with him?

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and ask her for her input. Second option would be realize that she is trying to distance herself, accept that you had a special relationship with her, find a way to either end the relationship with her amicably or give her the space that she needs.

Gold Member

In November i broke up with my girl friend of almost 2 years, . my question is, do i have to right to ask her if she has become intimate with him? I know im not her man anymore and its none of my business.