Category Archive: Article

Fat Britain All Change as Obesity Epidemic Threatens UK Every day it seems that a new report is released predicting shocking increases in British obesity levels. According to the latest figures, 78% of the population is presently overweight, and that figure increasing every day. And if scientists’ predictions prove correct, by 2020 every single person in the country will be clinically obese. […]

Church Jubilant as New Miracle Discovered Our Father Who Dart In Heaven A boy tending goats on a Palestinian hillside has discovered what is believed to be a fragment of a long lost gospel. It contains an account of a miracle performed by Jesus which is not mentioned in the Bible and was previously unknown to […]

Death of the Milkman Britain’s traditional randy milkman is set to become a thing of the past as demand for one of his doorstep services has slumped to an all time low. According to figures released this week, the number of scantily clad housewives demanding early morning sexual intercourse with their delivery of milk has declined tenfold in […]

Local Artist Takes Saatchi Prize By our art correspondent ALFRED SHAN De BASS A little known north eastern artist was last night £20,000 richer after scooping the prestigious Saatchi Prize for Contemporary Art. Monkseaton-born Jason Woodscrew, 14, was the unanimous choice of the judges, who praised the way his work “embraces the poetic, the logical, the sexual and the […]

CHAMPAGNE CHARLIE! Corks Pop as Merry Widower hits Medical Negligence Jackpot! DERBYSHIRE plumber Charlie Wheelbarrow was HALF A MILLION POUNDS richer last night – thanks to a botched operation which killed his wife. Judges ordered the bonanza payout after bungling docs gave Mary Wheelbarrow, 67, more than TEN TIMES the recommended dose of anaesthetic during a routine […]

Boy Wonder! Top marks for menty Dylan, 3 SOME THREE-YEAR-OLD bozz-eyed freak yesterday became the youngest kid in Britain to pass an A-level in maths. What’s more, little Dylan Plywood, a friendless misfit from Greater Manchester stunned academics by achieving TOP GRADES in all three papers. His sinister father, Max, a college lecturer taught his […]

SHAME DEFACED! Teachers brought to book over pupils’ lack of spunk THE STANDARD of textbook defacement in British classrooms, once the highest in the world, is slipping, according to a new report by education watchdogs. Ofsted inspectors examined Religious Education GCSE books and compared them with their counterparts from just 10 years ago. And their findings have shocked school […]

NOW IT’S THE EURO STOOL Eurocrats demand Eurocraps under E.C/s faeces regulations Eurocrat beaurocrats in Brussels are planning a new assault on the British way of life. And this time they want to get their hands on our Number Twos. According to EEC officials stools, or turds as they are sometimes known, must all fall […]

WE TURN THE TABLES ON THE TV GAME SHOW HOSTS On TV they look cool, intelligent and totally in control. As they fire questions at hopeful contestants and hand out the glittering prizes, everyone know that the TV quizmasters are in charge. BRAINY But just how brainy are the TV game show hosts. Without the […]

Corn Circle Mystery is solved at Last FOOLED YOU! ‘It was me all along says shepherd Bob’ Red faced scientists may well have to re-write their text books in the light of revelations being made by a former North Yorkshire shepherd. For Bob Johnson, who retired last year at the age of 70, claims the […]

Britain’s £150m dole fraud THREE MILLION SCROUNGERS ON THE FIDDLE ‘It’s happening all the time’ says Mr. X An unemployed Liverpool man has blown the lid off a massive social security benefit fraud which has been costing the nation millions. And startling evidence which he is about to give could lead to the prosecution of […]

EXCLUSIVE – THE POP SCOOP OF THE CENTURY!! THE BEATLES ARE BACK! ‘Fab Four’ re-form – new album due Yes, it’s true. Fifteen years after they split up pop legends The Beatles are set to reform. And work on a new album is already underway. Surviving members of the most successful pop group in the history of the world have consistently denied […]

FAT PEOPLE ‘EAT TOO MUCH’ – Cream Buns named in Shock Food Report Eat too much and you could get fat, according to a report published this week. Specific foods singled out for attention include cream buns, chocolate cake and jam doughnuts. According to a survey carried out for no particular reason, many people in Britain are already overweight. And the report goes […]

KILLER WASP SEX VICAR IN GAY NAZI STORM No Girls ‘Danced Naked’ in Moonlit Devil Ritual – claim By our INVESTIGATIVE STAFF A village vicar has denied taking part in moonlit ceremonies involving naked women. And Rev. Stanley Compton has denied allegations that he is a leading member of a gay nazi movement in the quiet village of Todhamlet. CHILDREN And we were unable to find […]

Band look super! EXCLUSIVE After two spectacular years of success Duran Duran look set to establish themselves as the best looking band in the history of pop. For as lead singer Simon Le Bon told us, “We’re better looking now than the Bay City Rollers” BLONDE That may sound like an ambitious claim, but it […]

ZOO OF SHAME EXCLUSIVE Animals made love as children watched Our reporters have investigated a disturbing behind the scenes sex scandal at a leading London zoo. And we have proof that staff at the zoo in Regents Park have actually encouraged sex between animals. PENGUINS On a recent visit to the zoo we watched as […]

Beatles Had Sex Every Ten Minutes The true story at last Johnny Johnson was the ‘ Sixth Beatle’ . Sacked by the band while on the verge of success, he is now prepared to tell the revealing truth about The Beatles rise to fame in the early sixties. *In an interview with Dicky Filth. I’ll never […]

THE SHAKIN STEVENS STORY A VIZ TOP POP EXCLUSIVE Pop idol Shakin Stevens tells the tale of his rise to fame in an exclusive interview with Viz Comic. ‘Shaky’ Shakin Stevens is one of pop’s top names in the charts of today, riding on the crest of the wave in the revival of rock and […]