Hands On: Shooters + Moe – Dignity = Gal Gun

TOKYO — There’s still two days left at the Tokyo Game Show, but I doubt I’ll find a more entertaining title than Gal Gun, an on-rails shooter set in a Japanese high school.

Before you cry Columbine, relax: There are no bullets and nobody dies. In Gal Gun for Xbox 360, your character hits schoolgirls with “pheromone shots.” Tapping the X button as I walked through the hallways, I put smiles on the faces of dozens of young girls who wanted to profess their love to me.

(Chris says: I’m just going to jump in here and add my thoughts. Apparently these girls are attacking you with love? You lose health when they successfully give you a love letter or if their words of love slap you in the face. So you have to hit ’em with pheromones that make them go kyaaaa! and pass out from ecstasy. I guess.)

After enough successful meetups you can choose a girl and trigger… doki-doki mode. The girl appears in a a pink purgatory and you, uh, inspect her by rotating the camera and leering over her. I couldn’t quite determine what in-game goals could be accomplished here, as I ran out of time, but I’m sure there’s unlimited potential for emergent gameplay.

(Chris says: Certainly the girl’s panties emerge.)

The demo level ends with a boss battle against a green slime monster who has a hostage in his tentacles. Your pheromones are needed to destroy him, but hitting the girl only gets her angry. There’s a time limit on this fight and I shudder to think what might happen should it run out.

I know how all this must sound, but the truth is Gal Gun is actually a lot of fun. It looks great too; the girls are well animated and their cuteness is contagious. I can imagine a quick round of this would be a great way to unwind after work. If only I could play it without my wife walking out the door.

(Chris says: I hate to say it, but Feit is right: This game is hilarious. I mean, really stupidly funny. It’s also totally indefensible. It’s pure pandering with absolutely no point.)

Gal Gun is slated for a winter release in Japan, and I can’t imagine it will ever be translated into English. Then again, you don’t need to speak a word of Japanese to understand this one.

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