How to Survive in the Modern Day Workplace

Warwick, RI – Office tensions flared between Dean Tucker and Saul Patterson, account executives at tech company Quado, after Tucker responded to Patterson’s latest email with “per my previous email”, which was clearly intended to make Patterson look like a brain-dead shmuck who doesn’t know how to use his computer that can only pee while sitting down. Tucker further humiliated Patterson by adding additional people to the email chain to bear witness to Tucker’s lack of intelligence, including their manager, Quado’s president, and Patterson’s wife.

After spending the next four hours thinking of a retort, Patterson sent a limp response back to Tucker while also removing everyone else from the email, knowing that his response was weak and hollow. He thanked Tucker for clarifying “the intent of the first email” and hoped that “(Tucker) could be as clear in (his) first emails going forward as (he is) in his follow-ups.”

Sources expect Tucker to respond to Patterson’s feeble-minded comeback by offering to “bold and highlight all the important parts so that (Patterson) doesn’t get so overwhelmed” while also CC’ing both his daughters.