AA MINORITY REPORT 2013

Sunday, 25 December 2011

Santa is an alcoholic!

“SANTA
CLAUS is an alcoholic. That stark pronouncement may make strong men
blanch and little children whimper, but every fact at our command
points to its truth. Consider the evidence.

Item: This
oddly behaved old man has a red nose and a flushed face, and prances
around shouting, “Ho! Ho! Ho!” at total strangers. That “Ho!
Ho! Ho!” bit is suspicious in itself. As we recall, the complete
quotation goes, “Ho! Ho! Ho! and a bottle of rum!” Or something
like that. Now why does Santa leave out part of it? Why is he
reluctant to mention the rum? We believe it is just an alcoholic’s
unwillingness to talk about anything related to a drinking problem.

Item: This
chap is unshaven and long-haired, and goes about in an old red suit
which is completely out of style. It even has fur on it. Surely, this
shows that he has no regard at all for his personal appearance, and
also that he apparently doesn’t earn enough to keep himself in
respectable attire. (Or is blowing his wages for you-know-what.)

Item: On
the subject of money, here is a gent who can’t make ends meet, yet
throws away what little he has and goes into hock up to his eyes,
besides. Sure, on occasion you and I have bought drinks for the house
during a blast, or flowers and toys for the wife and kiddies after
one; but this profligate madman hands out goodies to everyone in the
world. Only a dyed-in-the-wool alcoholic could toss it away like
that.

Item: By
all accounts, Santa Claus works only one day a year, which is sort of
a record, even for someone on the sauce. There’s been mention of
certain elves who are reputed to work for him, but we can’t verify
that they exist, nor, if they do, that he pays them anything. Why his
business doesn’t go to pot, we’ll never understand–unless it’s
Mrs. Claus who holds things together, as the wives of boozers often
do. Of course, she may have money in her own name. Anyway, it remains
undeniable that December 24 is S. C.’s only workday. What he does
the other 364, we leave to your imagination.

Item:
Speaking of Mrs. Claus–how come Santa never takes her out? Is it
the problem drinker’s typical disregard for the happiness of his
family, or does she just refuse to be seen with him in public?
There’s something awfully wrong in a household when man and wife
never socialize together.

Item: On
the topic of work, how does our subject go about it? On those long
trips he takes, does he sensibly drive something like a Ford or Chevy
van? No, he uses a sleigh drawn by reindeer, of all things. Horses we
could understand, if he chooses to cling to the old ways; but only a
dipso would dream of dashing across the tundra behind a herd of deer.

And don’t
forget this–it’s common knowledge that he’s loaded when he
leaves home. When he arrives at a house, does he use the front door,
as any moderate two-beer drinker would? No, he climbs down the
chimney! Typical alcoholic insanity.

There it
is, all spelled out for you, so make your own decision. We’ve made
ours. This S. Claus is definitely a candidate for the club. A few
kind souls might consider him only a periodic lush, since he seems to
hang one on just once a year; but in our own opinion there’s a lot
of steady, secret guzzling going on up there at the North Pole,
culminating in that mad moonlight jaunt on December 24.

At any
rate, you good AAs from Alaska and northern Canada please keep
listening for your phone to ring. Somewhere, some time, late at
night, a voice may say, “North Pole is on the line. Will you accept
a call, collect?”

J. G.
T.Negaunee, Michigan

A Letter
from Santa Claus(Volume 27 Issue 7,December 1970)

Editors AA
Grapevine 468 Park Avenue South New York, N.Y. 10016

SIRS:

I’m an
easygoing fellow and can take a joke as well as the next guy. I am
sensitive about a few things, however, and you hit on one of them in
your December 1969 issue. Some nincompoop had the gall to accuse me
of alcoholism!

I am not
now, nor have I ever been, an alcoholic. You’ll never see me
wallowing around in the gutter with those guys. Why, I don’t even
take a drink in the morning. Sure, I have a shot now and then with
the elves, just a sociable glass–but a lush I’m not. I haven’t
been snockered now for, oh, two or three weeks. I wouldn’t have
gotten drunk then, either, but Mrs. Claus, got on my nerves. She
keeps pestering me about the booze, as if I was some kid who couldn’t
handle it. That’s why I don’t take her out often–I have one
short one and she’s in a dither. Who wants to put up with that when
he’s trying to have a good time? Never thought of that, did you?
You guys are always quick to judge, never look at the other side of
the coin.

I can take
it or leave it alone. Generally, I prefer to take it. Who doesn’t?
But when I want to quit, I’ll quit. Up here at the Pole, I have to
drink a little now and then. This is a desolate place. Aren’t I
entitled to a little cheer? I don’t begrudge anybody else their
entertainment.

To be
absolutely honest, I’ll admit I have had a bit of trouble in the
past. But now I’ve wised up and started to control my drinking.
I’ve switched to beer and table wines–you fellows ought to know
they’re harmless enough. If the problem should come back, I’ll
just clamp down a mite harder. Self-control, that’s what it takes,
just like with smoking. I used to smoke a pipe, but I’ve quit. If I
can quit smoking, I can quit drinking, right? But for now there’s
no need to.

I’ll
clue you in on what prevents a good, two-fisted drinker from turning
into an alcoholic. A steady job. In spite of what that article said,
I get out almost every day and work. Keeps my mind off the liquor. I
go over to the elves’ workshop and give them pointers on speeding
up production and improving their workmanship. I may have to quit
going over there, though, because one or two of the elves act as if a
little friendly advice is an insult or something. Maybe I’ll get a
hobby instead.

Everyone
knows I’m a great guy–not a coward hiding behind a bottle. Don’t
I stay up all night making my deliveries to all the tots at
Christmastime? Not many people would do that, now would they? No, I’m
okay–I’ve got my thinking straight. I don’t need any of you
alkies telling me I need help with my drinking.

Just to
show you I don’t hold grudges: If you’ll print a public apology
for slandering me, I’ll tell my lawyers to go easier on you in
court. What’s more, if you loosen up long enough for one good
fling, I’ll let you come to the big New Year’s party I’m
holding. Bring your own booze, preferably sloe gin or whiskey. It’ll
be your last chance to see me drunk, because after New Year’s I’m
tapering off and may eventually quit altogether. Who knows?

Soberly,

Santa
Claus”**********Permission to reprint The AA Grapevine,
Inc., copyrighted material in this publication does not in any way
imply affiliation with or endorsement by either Alcoholics Anonymous
or The AA Grapevine, Inc.

Merry etc
etc - Ho, ho, ho – and all that. Have a sober one!

Cheerio

The Fellas
(Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous …. and Santa Claus)

(our
thanks to the AA member for pointing us in the direction of the
above)

Email

aacultwatch

aacultwatch has been set up by members of Alcoholics Anonymous who are concerned about the development of a movement within the Fellowship that we refer to as a cult.

It is our view that this cult has as its aims the control of AA in Great Britain and the promulgation of its own version of the recovery programme that is both a corruption of the message and the spirit of the Fellowship.

Our aim is to raise awareness of this threat and encourage members to act according to their conscience to marginalize this movement. Local members are in the best position to judge what should be done in their area but already some experience has been gained in the Fellowship on how to respond to this malign influence, and some of these ideas are also presented on the blog.

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