Further Thoughts On The Guy That Ordered That Giant Starbucks Drink

1. Now that I see the details of Andrew Chifari’s stunt — as a Gold member of their loyalty club, he was entitled to a free drink, basically limited only by whatever dumb thing he could come up with and whatever the baristas would allow, and, I mean, what do they care — I sort of respect the hustle.

2. THAT SAID, it took him five days to drink it. That I do not respect. The way I see it, Starbucks called his bluff and then he folded. Sure, it would have been borderline suicidal to drink that many shots of espresso in one day. Look at it this way: when you order one of those gag 72-ounce steaks, you clean your plate or you lose. You don’t get up on the steakhouse wall with a doggie bag. Same rules apply here, as far as I’m concerned.

3. The name he came up with for the drink — Sexagintuple Vanilla Bean Mocha Frappuccino — lacks panache. I mean, OK, it’s Starbucks, so maybe he felt he had to abide by the naming conventions. But you bring your own 128-ounce vase and manage to get them to fill it with caffeine slurry, you get naming rights, and you need something that doesn’t sound like an Idiocracy deleted scene. Say you want a “DEATHBRINGER” and have them Sharpie your name on the side.

4. Finally: “I think the fact that Kelly Ripa said my name and Michael Strahan said I was smart has been the most exciting.” DREAM BIGGER, FELLA.

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Comments

The drink should be called a “Buddy the Elf”. You must finish it in one go and the belch must be epic.

Devon Nullz

Because a slow news day isn’t slow enough?

zaccrain

Devin,

First off, thanks for reading.

Second, great comment. You have a take, as they say, and you made you point succinctly. Fantastic. I could probably use a few pointers!

Third, and finally, thank you for taking a moment out of your busy schedule to leave that comment here. You could have read it, thought to yourself, “Man, what a waste of server space,” and move on, and I never would have known. Because you took the time — and, to be frank, the courage — to stop and say, no, he needs to know, I now will think of you every time I wrote a post. I’ll say to myself, “Would Devon Nullz deem this worthy of a FrontBurner post?” And if I think, even for a second, that it wouldn’t meet your exacting standards, that thing is immediately getting deleted.

Anyway, sorry it took so long to get back to you.

zaccrain

Devon,

First off, thanks for reading.

Second, great comment. You have a take, as they say, and you made you point succinctly. Fantastic. I could probably use a few pointers!

Third, and finally, thank you for taking a moment out of your busy schedule to leave that comment here. You could have read it, thought to yourself, “Man, what a waste of server space,” and move on, and I never would have known. Because you took the time — and, to be frank, the courage — to stop and say, no, he needs to know, I now will think of you every time I wrote a post. I’ll say to myself, “Would Devon Nullz deem this worthy of a FrontBurner post?” And if I think, even for a second, that it wouldn’t meet your exacting standards, that thing is immediately getting deleted.

Anyway, sorry it took so long to get back to you.

zaccrain

First off, thanks for reading.

Second, great comment. You have a take, as they say, and you made your point succinctly. Fantastic. I could probably use a few pointers!

Third, and finally, thank you for taking a moment out of your busy schedule to leave that comment here. You could have read it, thought to yourself, “Man, what a waste of server space,” and move on, and I never would have known. Because you took the time — and, to be frank, the courage — to stop and say, no, he needs to know, I now will think of you every time I wrote a post. I’ll say to myself, “Would Devon Nullz deem this worthy of a FrontBurner post?” And if I think, even for a second, that it wouldn’t meet your exacting standards, that thing is immediately getting deleted.