Hall of Shame

I came across this one when I found someone was linking to me that I had not heard of. I went and checked out who it was and came across he following conversation.(Names have been changed to Blackploitation characters to avoid embarassment!)The initial bit is just the two guys tlaking, but pretty soon they get down to the important business of ripping Harkovast apart!Also note that any links inteh text wont work in this version, so use your imagination!

Conversation with DolemiteDolemite: Sorry for leaving on you, I had to move into the doors.Dolemite: *dormsSavage: No problemDolemite: Care to play again in a bit?Savage: Eh, already played for a pretty long whileSavage: I liked that server, though. You missed a fun bit where I set a heavy medic pair on fire, pulled out my axetinguisher, then just before I could hit the heavy a scout ran up behind me and shot him dead. So I swung at the medic, and right before it hit the scout shot him dead too. Dolemite: HahaDolemite: I enjoyed that server, yeah.Dolemite: It had decently fun people.Savage: YeahDolemite: Like the sniper and the bat scout.Savage: I friended that fucker who made it his life goal to destroy my buildingsSavage: hm, while I'm thinking of it think I'll friend that motherfucker who stole all my axe killsDolemite: HahDolemite: Who was it?Savage: I made up for it later though when I ambushed and axetinguished the entire enemy teamDolemite: …nice.Savage: “Cyclops”Dolemite: I need to learn to axtinguish, since they kinda nerfed the Flamethrower.Dolemite: It DID need it admittedly.Savage: They did nerf it?Dolemite: …but somehow, I play Pyro better than I used to.Dolemite: I think so.Dolemite: They greatly reduced the flame's detection range.Savage: … hahahahahaa hahahaahaha oh my god, unrelated but you are going to love thisDolemite: Is it something related to China?Dolemite: Cause I always get a laugh out of China/N. Korea.Savage: So, I brought up my “recently played people” list so I could find Cyclops (I found him pretty quick because I rememeberd he had a werewolf icon because I called him a “fucking furry” after he stole my kills). You are on that list too, since we played recently. Savage: Your name was shortened to “GG|Stratn wants … FRIEND”Dolemite: …hahahahaDolemite: That's awesome.Savage: For a split second I thought “Aww, if I wasn't already his friend I would friend him.”Dolemite: =pDolemite: I bet if I changed my nick to that, I'd get a friend every 45 minutes.Savage: Hahaha, try itDolemite: My friends list is a little big, but I just may.Savage: It'd be hilarious, but a little sadSavage: Speaking of sad, Risp and I were just talking about webcomic name that bothers me to no endDolemite: Oh?Savage: Savage: .. unrelated, on a bunch of the comics I read there is this Project Wonderful ad for a webcomic that has the most ridiculous name I have ever seen. Like, ridiculous but not intended to be a joke. It's starting to bother me more and more, that this name even exists.Dolemite: …Dolemite: oh?Savage: http://www.projectwonderful.com/img/uploads/pics/23164-1247084250.jpg here's the adDolemite: …Savage: Try saying it out loudDolemite: I don't see the problemSavage: D= seriously? Savage: It's like two vaguely archaic words slapped together with an O between themDolemite: …hahahaha, that's a funny name =PSavage: I don't think it is, that is why it bothers me D=Savage: rspss 270: I meanDolemite: it's stupidDolemite: but not horribleSavage: I can't think of any worse onesDolemite: wellDolemite: you could use the same formulaDolemite: but pick worse wordsDolemite: HammisteakSavage: That's just humorous, though. It's not even trying to take itself seriously. Savage: For me, this name strikes an uncomfortable middleground where it is clearly meant to be serious, but is still ridiculous. Dolemite: trueSavage: And the fact that it is a portmanteau makes it worse than other horrible names that are just a stupid collection of words.Dolemite: Based on the art, does the name surprise you?Savage: Honestly, yes. Yes it does.Dolemite: ..why?Savage: Comeon, HarkovastDolemite: The quality isn't that bad D:Dolemite: It's just like, a bad idea that to an untrained person, SOUNDS like a good idea.Savage: I expect artwork like http://www.vortux.net/images/me/bad-drawing.gif or somethingDolemite: ..no, that'd go along with “Swap*A*Time”Dolemite: …sorry. Swap**A**TimeSavage: ;-; why do you strike where it hurtsDolemite: Cause it makes my points more effective if they make you cry.Savage: God that sounds like something I'd say to FawDolemite: You're rubbing off on me.Dolemite: …sadly :\Savage: Oh comeon it's no that badDolemite: Definitely not. Using logic all the time has it's perks.Dolemite: For one, I'm totally able to make my friends feel like idiots =PSavage: But if you know me that well you know that this conversation turn has caused me to suddenly feel incredibly driven to read Harkovast in its entirety. Dolemite: …are you kidding? I already started.Savage: Want to read it together and engage in intellectual discussion about it?Dolemite: No. Want to make fun of it instead?Savage: That was pretty much what I meantSavage: Except I put it more pretentiouslySavage: How far are you?Dolemite: Just at the first panel.Dolemite: I'm reading the DARK INTRODUCTIONSavage: hahaha, me tooSavage: Eldex comes close second to Harkovast Dolemite: …Quinn-Tain is a hilarious name.Dolemite: It just makes me mentally put “Tarintino” after it when I read it.Savage: hahaha, Quinn Tain Tarintino? Dolemite: Yes.Dolemite: The defence of….HARKOVAST.Savage: … the rainbow and the void?Dolemite: ..oh god yes, colored pencils.Dolemite: And basically direct scans.Dolemite: Also, I was a bit curious about that too =PSavage: wait, i'm trying to figure this philosophy outSavage: LIGHTRAINBOW ——+———VOIDDARKDolemite: Hrmm..Dolemite: I think “Void” is the absence of light.Dolemite: And the Rainbow is the presence of it.Dolemite: …which is the dame as light and dark.Savage: yes, it isDolemite: I love Harkovast.Savage: page 3: here come the furriesDolemite: hahahahaDolemite: I was just about to say “Oh god yes, furries”Dolemite: Furries fighting an army of 30 BLACK GUYS!Savage: wait I'm still watchign them draw their lightsabersSavage: and uh, laser arrowsDolemite: hahahaDolemite: Dumbest helmet ever by the way.Savage: nah, it can't be black peopleDolemite: It's not even shaped for a cat's head.Savage: This is an army that “does not sleep”Dolemite: BOOM SHAKA-LAKADolemite: The Nameless Race.Dolemite: …sounds like a nameSavage: D=!! was just abotu to say, yeahDolemite: That's just like the crit failest name so far, honestly.Dolemite: Cause it's like, trying to be really mysterious, but is just…blatantly retarded.Savage: holy fuck is that one guy wearing a skinned catperson on his back?Dolemite: They all are.Dolemite: Like, nobody would ever call something “nameless”Savage: oh wow, didn't even notice. I assumed the rest were, like, just novelty animal hoodsDolemite: …also..Dolemite: “the Enemy”Dolemite: …wow.Savage: in Harkovast, there is only warDolemite: This is pretty grim dark.Dolemite: …also, are they fighting with arrows?Dolemite: Or holding their swords by the blade?Savage: I think those are spearsSavage: You know, like giant arrows you fight withDolemite: Oh, I see.Dolemite: ..short spears I guess.Dolemite: ..that's actually fairly well informed, surprisingly.Savage: shortspears?Dolemite: Short spears are common for the bulk of fighting.Savage: huhDolemite: Definitely not swords.Savage: I was assuming it was just, like, an archer who realized that laser weapons meant he had no melee fallbackDolemite: HahaDolemite: Well, really, think about it for a second.Dolemite: Especially in early combat, like with Romans and Grecians, they built their entire armies around spearmen.Savage: but swords can slash AND stabDolemite: But swords are heavy and short.Dolemite: Spears can keep people at a distance.Savage: Shortspears are short tooDolemite: Longer than swords.Savage: oh, okDolemite: I mean, these laser spears suck.Savage: are you at/past the page with the red background? D: is my favorite character, purely because of his faceDolemite: Plus being effective with a sword is a lot harder than being effective with a spear.Savage: definitely true, yeahDolemite: …hahahaDolemite: He looks incredibly acrobatic with those flailsDolemite: I can't put my finger on it, but it looks like a dance pose.Dolemite: With weapons.Savage: saturday night feverDolemite: …YESDolemite: …I like the lower left cat guy's face.Savage: Yeah, D: is saying “holy FUCK you guys he just fucking ripped someone's face out and bashed a guy in half at once with giant chians hwy the fuck am I even here with you and this goddamn laser arrow or whatever”Dolemite: …next page is awesome.Dolemite: It's too funny.Savage: Disco gets +1 awesomepoints for the headbutt, thoughDolemite: Totally.Dolemite: This guy is definitely Chaotic Asshole.Savage: hahahaDolemite: …Shogun is here to fight for…Napla.Dolemite: Which is a western sounding name.Savage: His weapon deserves credit as the least creatively named magic weapon ever.Dolemite: With middle aged Europe housing.Dolemite: But hey, what the fuck, a traditional Japanese swordsman fits in, right?Savage: It explains in panel 4 he decided to fuck the whole europe thing and be a ninjaDolemite: I noticed.Savage: It's probably a smart moveDolemite: I was like “Well…fuck me, he totally showed me there.”Savage: He is probably versed in fantasy cliches, and said “okay, do I want to train as a redshirt soldier with his face hidden behind a mask or be the only ninja?”Dolemite: …damn good point you have there.Savage: also, robot armDolemite: ..also, telescoping sword.Dolemite: With a hilt that can't possibly hold the entire blade.Savage: If it's telescoping it canDolemite: Huh, decent point.Dolemite: technomancy!! =DSavage: I assumed the blade was just a portal to the Plane of One Inch Wide and Two Feet Long.Dolemite: Make sense.Dolemite: …who throws a hook, by the way?Dolemite: That's a dumb weapon.Dolemite: Admittedly, his take down of Disco was kinda cool.Dolemite: But I liked Disco. He's my favorite character so far.Savage: I didn't see a hookthrowDolemite: Eh, not important.Dolemite: ..holy fuck, Shogan is PISSED.Savage: he chopped that poor fucker's face in half twiceDolemite: HahahaDolemite: There is a southern colonel who's a vulture wearing a sombrero.Savage: I just sawDolemite: Just making sure I didn't LOSE MY FUCKING MINDSavage: man, saying that with a southern drawl is the best thing everSavage: Ah have learned of mah enemy, and that is all ah requireDolemite: It's pretty hilarious.Dolemite: But very surreal.Savage: Explanation is obviously he is from the futureSavage: mandatory native american inspired groupDolemite: Ah, good point.Dolemite: Chapter 1 over.Dolemite: Now we get more Quin-Tainn!Savage: “What's the plan, Tarintino?”“I'm thinking we ressurrect a serial killer. You know, he's probably good at it.”Dolemite: Aren't assassins supposed to be sneaky?Dolemite: Oh, he extinguished himself.Savage: Still reading his fire rantDolemite: And turned into a gay birdman.Dolemite: ..DAMN sorry.Dolemite: Spoiled it :<Savage: D= well now we know where Rainbow comes inDolemite: Tell me when you get to the knight with the feathers.Savage: there nowDolemite: Cause he does something amazingSavage: wait maybe notSavage: I think that's his horse?Savage: Er… osteritch?Dolemite: The next page.Dolemite: Wearing full armor.Savage: he's entering the churchDolemite: It looks like the walked into the door face firstDolemite: *heSavage: If I had a helm I would headbutt doors open tooDolemite: Fuck that church is messing with my perception.Dolemite: Also, Disco would smile on that idea.Savage: hah

Savage: The enemies have pink battle elephantsDolemite: Eye scars must be an anti-heroSavage: I like Orange Priestess's reaction to the attackSavage: “Argh! The Nameless!”Savage: It's not even like “Aaaah!”. It's just like “God fucking damnit they found me!”Dolemite: Hahaha =PDolemite: Also, chainsaw sword.Dolemite: Except without the chain.Dolemite: So sawsword.Savage: hahahaDolemite: Sheesh, can EVERYONE just summon a laser sword?Savage: No, he's not an antihero. He's just a chivalrous dickDolemite: Yeah.Dolemite: Who takes the time to explain common knowledge in the middle of his fight.Savage: I can kind of sympathize with Nameless thereSavage: I would've kicked him tooDolemite: No kidding.Dolemite: Least favorite protagonist.Savage: aaaaand back to Tarintino and Serial Killer.Dolemite: …serial killer in skin-tight leather.Dolemite: Way less sexy when it's not on a russian chick D:Savage: Well, you already guessed he was a homoSavage: And he wants to “kill people and look good while doing it”Dolemite: Oh, this guy is flaming.Savage: hahaha, pun? Really? =PDolemite: I mean, it's all there.Dolemite: You have to admit, it was a fabulous pun.Savage: yeah, it kind of wasSavage: Priestess on the next page has the right ideaDolemite: Yeah.Dolemite: …god, this guy DOESN'T SHUT UPSavage: until she quits to let him do it the Honorable WayDolemite: haha, she looks pissed though.Savage: seriouslyDolemite: Like “Fine, I WON'T hit him. I'll let him stab you, douchebag.”Savage: “And then I can fight him one-on-one. With a fucking barstool.”Savage: oh comeon where the fuck is the honor in pulling a second sword?Dolemite: He's only chivalrous to be a dick.Savage: hahahaDolemite: Once it's clear he's losing, he drops it.Savage: aaaand End Chapter 2Savage: What have we learned about Chivalry, class?Dolemite: Chapter 3 features another..protagonist, I guess.Dolemite: I honestly hate this way of introducing characters.Savage: Oh?Dolemite: “Now to focus on something ENTIRELY different from what just happened.”Dolemite: I mean, I know it can be effectively interwoven.Dolemite: But I know for a fact this guy won't pull it off =PSavage: … well, evidently not a protagonistDolemite: …oh wow, next page it's interwoven.Savage: He just killed everyone and took their stuffDolemite: Still. Shitty introduction =PDolemite: Wouldn't it have been better to just focus on them talking, rather than burn on a page on showing a lizard guy kill people just off panel?Dolemite: All the information we need could have been revealed through dialogue.Savage: “Thcatterpod, you're a deeeelight girl!”Savage: You have to read his dialogue as flamingly homosexual in your head or you're doing it wrongDolemite: “Mmm mm, I could just eat you up yum yum yum thcatterpod.”Savage: ouch, that hurts me in my heteroDolemite: It hurt mine too.Dolemite: But I go to a College of Fine Arts =PSavage: Yeah, you have resourcesDolemite: “Be good, munchkins. I'll be back thoon!”Savage: hahahaSavage: … oh man I love how he vanishes in a dramatic effect and appears, like, twenty feet away running awaySavage: If you ignore the fact he's spamming it to move faster it's kind of funnyDolemite: Yeah, it's pretty much every parody of disappearing in smoke.Savage: Next page, he ponders anatomy.Savage: Before the advent of radio people had to do SOMETHING while travelling alone. Dolemite: I guess so =PDolemite: Why's the priestess crying?Savage: She isn't a hard-ass bitch like the other, who is just pissed she didn't get to barstool anyoneDolemite: HAHAHASavage: And then he picks her noseDolemite: Later, everything we said about chivalry gets acknowledged by the author.Savage: At least Homohawk has his hear in the right placeSavage: Panel 2 of the next page is amazingSavage: In a bad wayDolemite: Which page?Savage: “I'm sorry I tried to interfere, Sir Knight”Savage: the one that starts with thatDolemite: Wow.Savage: hahahaSavage: HUZZAHDolemite: Yeah, I enjoyed that.Savage: … so, what was all that honor bullshit?Dolemite: Doesn't mean dick when you're about to lose.Savage: hahahahaSavage: Have you gotten to the panel with Priestesses in it?Dolemite: Yes.Savage: That bottom left one confirms every joke we made about the two of themDolemite: I'm reading it so hard right now.Dolemite: “…si..sir, can you keep your helmet on. Please?”Dolemite: I think the author is brave for having one of his characters have downs syndrome.Savage: hahahahaSavage: The orange one has not stopped crying this whole timeDolemite: Oh, she stops.Savage: ah, there nowDolemite: Just takes her 15 pages.Savage: … panel 2 of the one with the three head closeups of the lizardgirl: EYEBEAMSSavage: What is a “people of life and steel” anyway?Dolemite: The narrator is a bit of a dick and asks too many rhetorical questions.Dolemite: “Is Shogun some kinda half nigger?”Savage: how far ahead are you? Or do you mean in general?Dolemite: Fairly far ahead.Dolemite: Like, 3-4 pages probably.Savage: ahDolemite: I think DownsCat is one of my favorite characters so far.Dolemite: For such horrible reasons.Savage: The knight? He was your least favorite a chapter agoSavage: Or the crying priestess?Dolemite: This was before I realized he had Downs.Savage: ahSavage: wow, yeah, blatant rhetorical questioningSavage: “That's great! I'd welcome your company”Savage: I would've been like “Hell no, stay here D=”Dolemite: You're not a protagonist.Savage: )'=Savage: Chapter 4 nowSavage: Where are you?Dolemite: 3rd page of Chapter 4.Savage: Slow down >=Savage: Oh hell yes southern drawl is backDolemite: k :<Dolemite: And yes, he's back.Dolemite: Turns out he's a Baptist. It's kind of annoying =\Savage: I seeDolemite: Harkovast feels like a furry grimdark Warhammer.Savage: Aww, this guy looks so sad when he is told to drown himselfSavage: .. just got to his long rantSavage: I think I'm actually offended by how accurate you were with “Turns out he's a baptist”Dolemite: “wall o' text”Dolemite: Haha =PSavage: Looking at the guy in the fountain, it occurs to me furries can really drown themselves pretty easilyDolemite: Yeah, I was a little impressedSavage: Catpeople: because anyone dying is an excuse to booze it upDolemite: YepSavage: http://www.drunkduck.com/Harkovast/index.php?p=543796 Panel 4: Lizard wonders if anyone else in the room if feeling a little gayDolemite: …god yes.Savage: …Savage: next page, they all fell for downsguy.Dolemite: I noticed this.Savage: I lose all respect for Barstool Priestess right thereDolemite: Yeah. It's a tough thing to swallow.Dolemite: She was great until then.Savage: =/ now my favorite character has to fall back to HomohawkSavage: .. hahaha, though Downs just got +1 respectDolemite: For what?Savage: “Ah, a boat! How nautical!”Dolemite: Yeah, I enjoyed that =PSavage: Where are you up to?Dolemite: They're chilling with the Half-nigger.Savage: =D here too. Well, not chilling yetSavage: okay chillin nowSavage: ..Dolemite: Later, the author acknowledges the fact that cat people are wearing human armorDolemite: And how this is retarded.Savage: did he just make them sit outside after he pulled out his meat products?Dolemite: Yes.Savage: http://www.drunkduck.com/Harkovast/index.php?p=555905 “I AINT NO NIGGA BOY”Dolemite: “What did you just call me? That is OUR WORD.”Dolemite: “Nothing gives you that right.”Dolemite: Lizard riding a lizard. Not sexual surprisingly =DSavage: Chapter 5: Obese banditDolemite: woah.Dolemite: He IS fatSavage: Aw man he's totally gonna rape lizDolemite: Ah, I'm not the only one waiting for the rape sub-plot to come up =PSavage: .. well, I wasn't exactly waiting with bated breathDolemite: =PDolemite: Homohawk takes down a shirtless guy.Dolemite: Any surprises?Savage: The only good part would be the end when he says “oh nooo I crushed her!!”Savage: and nopeSavage: He did it from behind tooSavage: http://www.drunkduck.com/Harkovast/index.php?p=570039 some people ride lizards. Shogun rides a logDolemite: I was completely confused by this.Savage: I was for a bit tooSavage: There is something terribly creepy about his expression and dialogue on the following pageDolemite: Yeah.Dolemite: I don't like Halfie.Dolemite: ..Homohawk's exposition is hilarious.Dolemite: Cause I imagine him saying all this in his head.Savage: wait, I'm still at Liz punching a guy's eye outSavage: She just got more badass kill points for that than Disco ever hadDolemite: WOAH missed that.Savage: http://www.drunkduck.com/Harkovast/index.php?p=585334 she beats Homohawk as my favorite nowDolemite: I sawDolemite: Yeah, honestly, she's relatively interesting.Savage: She is the only character I like at this point. Like, as a character, as opposed to as a jokeDolemite: Like, she's an outsider traveling with people who are either downsy so they're not judgemental, or shogun who's a dbag.Dolemite: Yeah, exactly.Savage: … new PoV characterDolemite: PoV?Savage: Like, narration from his point of viewDolemite: Ah.Dolemite: …where?Savage: What page you up to?Dolemite: I finished.Savage: http://www.drunkduck.com/Harkovast/index.php?p=591587Dolemite: That was the Ice Berserker thinking.Dolemite: I guess.Savage: YeahSavage: Sadly, the comic ends moments before Homohawk could shove his arm up Ice Berserker's ass.Dolemite: “thhhzAP! I got yoooou!”Savage: “Moneyshooooot!”Savage: hm. What did you think of HARKOVAST?

Dolemite: Pretty generic teenager fantasy webcomic.Dolemite: I'm always down for a good lampooning though.Savage: Don't think it's teenager. Did you see the “by” at the beginning? It's a coupleDolemite: Brother and sister.Savage: Time for researchSavage: Harkovast is a fantasy webcomic written and drawn by Daniel Stribley, and colored by his wife Julie. The comic is notable for being draw and coloured largely by hand, using pens and coloured pencils. It is rated Mature on Drunk Duck due mainly to numerous depictions of bloody violence. The comic is accompanied by a forum on which the authors gives additional information on the background of Harkovast. -WikifurDolemite: Well doneSavage: My google skills are unmatchedSavage: I can enter entire wordsSavage: But yeah I agree with you that Lizardgirl was kind of fun. It's a pity the other characters were, like, racial stereotypes and homosexuals. Dolemite: YeahDolemite: She was accidentally interesting.Dolemite: I kind of like that kind of protagonist though.Savage: Oh?Dolemite: Well, she has relatively few skills. I mean, she fought out of self-defense for once.Savage: She punched a guy's eye outDolemite: Not cause somebody else was chasing her or anything.Dolemite: …sorry, got distracted.Dolemite: Let me start over.Dolemite: Like, Shogun is just an asshole with no depth.Dolemite: Homohawk is unintentionally a gay stereotype.Dolemite: The DownsCat is annoying.Dolemite: Quin-Tainn also has nothing of interest to offer so far.Dolemite: The Bird guy is a baptist stereotype taken one monologue too far.Dolemite: I mean, she the only one with a slight hint of depth outside of a stereotype.Dolemite: In that she's basically a foreigner who's actually pretty pacifist.Savage: That was really well putDolemite: She knocked herself out instead of fighting, and then as a last result, punched somebody's eye out.Savage: This kind of reminds me of Twokinds in that there is only one character who is the slightest bit appealing.Dolemite: Which is pretty refreshing compared to the violence so far.Savage: … actually, now that I think about it it is basically the same character.Dolemite: …really?Savage: one secSavage: http://twokinds.net/?p=376Dolemite: Anyway, I guess her appealing trait is that she doesn't resort to killing people right off, and this makes her an outsider in a lot of ways.Dolemite: Both literally within the culture of the world, and within the cast we're supposed to root for.Savage: It does make her more likable. DownsCat was a total dick after he got tired of chivalry, and was an asshole before. Dolemite: I don't know who that person is, but I'm surprised I didn't immediately hate them.Savage: who?Dolemite: Well, it's that she relies on a lot more than just her combat skills.Dolemite: She hides and uses her wits instead of immediately slicing somebody's head off, even though she has the ability to.Dolemite: It's really pretty nice compared to everyone else who is SUPER FIGHTER CHAMP.Savage: RRRRGGGH MUSCLESDolemite: LETS GO TO THE GYMSavage: And then they shove an enemy's head into their armpit, flex, and watch it explodeDolemite: Haha.Dolemite: But really, when you analyze the character's personalities outside of their stereotype, there are 3 so far.Dolemite: None, asshole, and lizard girl.Savage: After Liz punched an eye out, I imagine Shogun punched a guy's eye out and was like “mine went further”Dolemite: HahaDolemite: And then flexed and shouted “GUH-DOOSH!”Savage: Meanwhile, Homohawk is holding a sword between his legs and yelling “look! I'm killing them with pelvic thrusts!”Dolemite: …wow.Dolemite: I never thought you could out gay me.Dolemite: But damn.Savage: It doesn't outdo that dialogue you did up a few pagesDolemite: I guess so.Savage: Dolemite: “Mmm mm, I could just eat you up yum yum yum thcatterpod.”Dolemite: ..hah.Savage: It's even gayer in retrospectDolemite: Yeah, I was like “Wow. That was pretty damn gay.”Savage: hahahaSavage: Also, who were you referring to with “I don't know who that person is, but I'm surprised I didn't immediately hate them.”?Dolemite: NataniSavage: I'm serious that she was basically Lizardgirl. Savage: Well, not entirely since she's an assassin I guess, but she still has that sort of “withdrawn due to being in a foreign culture” thing going on.Dolemite: Thing is, that's a very relatable trait.Savage: I think maybe that works in shitty fantasy in particular stories because what it basically equates to is a character who is finally willing to acknowledge how fucking stupid everything is.Dolemite: Pretty much everyone can sympathize with being scared in a foreign culture.Dolemite: Not many people can relate to basically being a murder machine.Dolemite: Even a supposedly good one.Savage: I guess some people can relate to being a homosexual, thoughDolemite: I guess.Savage: And minorities may be able to relate to Shogun.Savage: That is, if they could read.Dolemite: Shogun is supposed to be a symbol of being mixed-race, I think.Savage: )= in retrospect I actually feel bad for saying that incredibly racist jokeDolemite: Problem is that he's not sympathetic at all.Dolemite: I'm not sure why, but I think he's the worst character of them all.Savage: YeahSavage: So many of the characters are just murderous assholesSavage: I mean, it kind of works for Homohawk. But he's not even special.Dolemite: No, not at all.Dolemite: Shogun is just a straight up asshole, not just an annoying one.Dolemite: So I guess that's why I hate him more than I hate Downsy McRetard.Savage: I notice I lost all respect for the priestesses after they started orgasming over Downsy. I can't quite figure out if this is because I could no longer relate to them, or if I am actually judging fictional characters on their taste in men. Dolemite: Relation.Dolemite: See, we don't like Downsy. He didn't do anything likeable.Dolemite: So the idea of them suddenly falling for him and saying how great he is..well.Dolemite: For me, I found it outright unbelievable.Dolemite: I couldn't suspend my disbelief for it.Savage: Yeah. This is even ignoring the fact he was like 60 and had a lazy eye. Savage: I think what I wonder is if it would be any better if it was emphasized that the priestesses were attracted to him due to reasoning I couldn't relate to.Dolemite: Probably.Dolemite: If the author made a point of showing how combat prowess and dickishness related to sexual attractiveness in their culture.Savage: Like “… goddamn this is turning my Lazy Eye fetish on” - “Mine too.”Dolemite: I'd believe it an move on."Savage: … or your exampleDolemite: …yours is better.Savage: Yours is much more, uh… serious, I guess.Savage: But yeah, I see what you meanSavage: The people who make Twokinds and Harkovast should just give up their comics, get together, and make one about Natani and Lizardgirl. It doesn't even matter what it's about, it'd still be better than the existing ones.Dolemite: Or we could drop an email of this log =PSavage: I am mean, but not THAT mean. I try to at least be objective when talking to creators of things.Dolemite: We can cut out all the parts of us talking shit about their comicSavage: Then not much is left.Dolemite: Point.Savage: anyway I was joking, I don't think The Slightly Lesbian Adventures of Natani and ChenChen would have any appeal at allSavage: I'm not sure if that “in a foreign culture” character can, uh, exist without the foreign culture setting, I guess.Savage: I'm not even certain if it's an appealing character trait on its own, or something that feeds off the setting it is inDolemite: Part of the appeal is the context.Dolemite: Most of why I liked her is that she was the only one with a shred of relatableness.Dolemite: Notice how to explain WHY I liked her, I had to list why every other character is terrible.Savage: hahahahaSavage: I could relate to the priestesses until they turned one dimensionalSavage: Like, back when the knight called off that one who was about to barstool the enemy, and she just looks all D<Dolemite: Because “Shit, hit him with a barstool!”Dolemite: Like, I would try to do that.Dolemite: People fighting, one looks more evil, smack him with a chair.Dolemite: And yeah. She looked mad as fuck.Savage: The Adventures of Natani and ChenChen would also be hindered by the fact it consists of nothing but introverted characters who don't speak much. Savage: It would just be like, 80 pages of awkwardly sitting next to one another. Dolemite: And then one panel of them making out.Dolemite: BOOM. The end.Savage: I was going to say “three panels of lesbian sex, twenty panels of them drinking and denying it ever happened while trying to stay on opposite sites of the room”Savage: pages*Dolemite: …that MIGHT be interesting though.Dolemite: Like, if done seriously it could make for okay drama.Savage: What, are they like locked in a room with nothing but alcohol and eachother?Dolemite: I'm thinking placed in a best-possible context.Dolemite: And the plot-point is like, a drunken hook-up.Savage: It'd be kind of like:CC: “I'm not even gay!”N: “I'm not even female!”CC: “… let's do it again.”N: “You don't even want the in-plot explanation?”CC: “Nope.”Dolemite: Everyone goes “whhoooooooOOP!”Dolemite: Assuming this was filmed in front of a 80's studio audience.Savage: hahahaha, of course it isSavage: You know, in retrospect Homohawk wasn't that bad of a characterDolemite: I guess.Dolemite: Pretty one-dimensional, but at least he acknowledged it.Dolemite: Like, that violence is REALLY prevelant in their lives.Savage: Other than thinking way too much and being a little swishy, I felt I could relate to him that he too wanted to kill everyone in the comic.Savage: I mean, he seemed kind of like a dick when he was describing those foxpeople as barbarians, but that was really a pretty spot-on description of everyone in harkovastDolemite: True, true

Savage: I want to check up on this comic in like two years. I bet he hooks up with Lizardgirl and they produce an offspring who is a very appealing character.Dolemite: No, he'll be a half-nigger like Shogun.Savage: What was it, mother's culture, father's race? Dolemite: Yeah.Dolemite: That was the dumbest shit I've ever heard.Savage: He'll be a ninja . Who can fly. Savage: Actually, I kind of liked that. Well, from a story point of view, not a science one. It hurts me in the science.Savage: Like, the idea that the only thing that separated them from their father's racial group was that they had all kinds of creepy weird magic abilities that were completely foreign. Savage: As opposed to the standard fantasy thing, where the elves tell the half-elves “You're not elfy enough for us” and the humans tell the half-elves “You look like the guy on Keebler cookie packages”Dolemite: True.Dolemite: There wasn't distinction of appearance.Savage: I think what I liked was more that it didn't pursue the normal route of “they are outcast by both cultures”, but rather put them on the spot as to whether they wanted to be the only scaly barbarian in the forest or the only lizard practicing witchcraft. Dolemite: And it's more their choices that make people hate them, not just run of the mill racism.Savage: yeahSavage: Presmably this is a setting where, if you are shunned by every culture, you don't become a lonely adventurer. You just get murdered and raped in the woods.Dolemite: That's what I've picked up on.Savage: I imagine cartographers have made maps of what sort of horrible fate befalls people in various geographical areas. Like, on the map there is a large red colored area with “MURDER” written on it. Slightly overlapping it is a green blob reading “RAPE”. Part of the murder area is brighter red, and labeled “MURDER AND RESSURRECTION REPEATEDLY”. The small location where that overlaps the rape area is the worst place to be alone.Dolemite: Unless you're a fetishist.Savage: … maybe >=Savage: Well, anyway, that was an oddly fun use of a nightDolemite: Yeah.Dolemite: Plus I got a little bit of character and writing theory out of it.Dolemite: Mostly about relateableness and what makes a shitty character shitty.Savage: I've always kind of enjoyed reading bad and mediocre things for that reason. You guys over in classic lit don't get this kind of fun )=Dolemite: I know! :<Savage: And yeah, I feel the same way. I like to think I will now never accidentally produce a character who has all the charm of a WH40k marine.Dolemite: You can learn from the bad and the good, I guess.Dolemite: But it's good to observe what causes failure just like observing what causes success.Savage: My attitude has always been that if you are more driven by what doesn't work rather than what works, your product will be less derivative.Dolemite: That's pretty reasonable.Savage: It's sort of on par with “necessity is the mother of invention”. It's strange that creative fields so often focus on analyzing what works, since in most other fields the production of working things relies on the critical analysis of things that don't.Dolemite: Hrm.Dolemite: I'm not sure if I agree with that statement, if just because I don't see much evidence for it.Savage: Oh? On what front?Dolemite: The 2nd statment.Dolemite: I'll agree that creative fields focus on things that work over things that don't.Dolemite: But there's also a weird, preservation aspect to some of this stuff.Dolemite: Like, nobody has made a new sounding violin in ages, because everyone expects the violin to sound a certain way.Dolemite: Anyway, rambling but interesting point.Dolemite: I've not gone deep enough outside a creative field to know what you mean by the critical analysis of things that don't.Savage: I think I speak for the majority of non-musicians when I say that I pretty much just judge music on how it sounds. Personally I can rarely even tell what an instrument is, beyond “plucky” or “bowy”Dolemite: ..huh, point.Dolemite: Common saying, musicians hear differently.Dolemite: I don't think that's a product of creative fields though.Dolemite: ..wait, it is.Dolemite: I just failed at coming up with counter-examples :MSavage: hahaSavage: As for “critical analysis of things that don't”, think of something like the theory of evolution. Initially people just assumed animals were plopped down in their current form by God. That didn't explain all the weird in-between fossils. So Lamarck is like “hey maybe animals produce offspring that were better suited to their environment”. It doesn't make a lot of sense how, say, a giraffe's desire to reach high leaves could make its offspring have longer necks, so Darwin is like “maybe animals are all mutated and the bad ones just die”. Savage: If evolution was approached the same way as creative fields, people today would be like “Giraffes are just Africa's Horses. They have long necks to go with those long-necked african people”Savage: wbDolemite: Thanks.Dolemite: Racist.Dolemite: Ah, okay.Dolemite: That makes sense.Dolemite: Thanks for plugging my knowledge holeSavage: now your brains can't fall out itDolemite: Anyway, I'm going to tf2 a gamSavage: dd

whether or not you think less of me, these guys were pretty damn funny, save the racism. since they went through the whole comic at that point, it was like reading a parody of a story you liked. kinda like the hundreds of star wars parodies.