Sunday, October 10, 2004

A long, strange trip.

This past weekend I have been easing into post-vacation life. And it's been a strange sort of homecoming. As these trips tend to make me do, I've regained an appreciation for my home, the comforts of a firm mattress and being surrounded by my things, and most importantly, my furry beasts (as I type this, there's a grey cat laying in the crook of my arm. Such an admission makes me sound very lame, but this is the least of my concerns right now). Things have been bittersweet too--we picked up Noodle's ashes yesterday afternoon, after shopping at the local Target, with the sky bluer than you could imagine, the traffic humming, the sound of commerce in bloom. It was harder than I thought it would be. I didn't think I would cry, but I did. (Going to the ocean afterwards helped.) I've come to terms with her death, but coming to terms with having a somewhat 'normal' life again is harder. Things are quiet.

I've been meaning to make a post about the trip though, and this was the intent when I first started typing this. So I will say this: the trip was strange and a lot more emotional than I thought it would be. It didn't help that I had a bad cold the whole time--the effects of which are still lingering a bit. And meeting distant in-laws and trying to explain myself, justify my existence in their relative's life is not a simple thing, since I'm not the typical 20-something. I don't fit into any categories. Even more difficult to explain is the fact that mostly, I like who I am, where I am at in my life. It's almost as if people expect me to be dissatisfied, but in spite of it all, I am mostly satisfied. Saratoga was a cool town, seeing S. read at Caffe Lena even cooler.

Today I was happy just to shop for groceries, settle into our ratty old couch with a pot of tea and the New York Times on my coffee table. It's not everyday that I'm content to just sit, so I'm just going to enjoy this moment, before the inevitable post-travelling depression settles in.