The Sad, Scary-Skinny Decline of LeAnn Rimes

The little 13-year-old yodeling sprite burst onto the scene years ago and everyone was all “she’s Patsy Cline reincarnated!” and she had a nice voice and she was a nice girl who eventually married a nice boy and had a very nice career.

Remember that? It was nice.

But that was before she had a hand in wrecking two marriages when she cheated on her husband with the then-married (and then-unknown) Eddie Cibrian while the two of them were off together shooting some shittastic TV movie no one ever saw.

Then they flaunted the affair before divorcing their respective spouses and marrying each other. And the whole time, she used the media to bleat about how unfair it was that they were being judged because they totally deserved happiness, you guys! THEY DESERVED IT.

That little downhill PR spiral picked up its already rapid pace several months ago when photos surfaced of her looking very much like a woman who’s decided food has cooties.

Then she started posting photos of herself in bikinis on Twitter. The more the public noticed her incredibly shrinking body and talked about it (Twitter being a medium that encourages that sort of thing), the more snippy Rimes became.

“How is the Heroin diet working?,” wrote one of her followers. Another added, “Whoa, you’re scary skinny! Sorry don’t mean to offend but that’s a lot of bones showing through skin…”

To which she replied, “Those are called abs not bones love.”

(“Love” being the equivalent of “bless your heart,” which any Southerner will tell you essentially means “I hate you and hope you die in a fire.”)

Her trainer said she works out all the time and is totally healthy and Rimes herself proclaimed “I eat!” without bothering to specify if it’s daily, monthly, or quarterly.

After that kind of brouhaha, a normal person might think to themselves, Self, maybe if you stop posting these photos, people won’t chase you around and try to draw a chalk outline around your skeletal remains.

But LeAnn Rimes is not a normal person.

So instead we’ve all been treated to photo after photo of her hipless visage (self-posted and helped along with media shots) in gold bikinis and black bikinis and “One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish” bikinis, each time looking more and more like an expertly-toned adolescent boy with boobs so fake you can almost make out the barcodes right through her itty-bitty little bikini tops.

Most recently she posted some black-and-white shots of herself along with a tweet that basically said COME AT ME BRO, I HAVE CURVES. Only even then, not so much.

Rimes has become a bizarro-world version of the skinny girl who’s always saying she’s fat just so people will say she’s not. Using an English-to-Attentionwhore dictionary, her tweets lately have loosely translated to LOOK AT ME! LOVE ME! SAY I’M HOT! TELL ME I’M A PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!

As one PerezHilton reader put it, “I don’t see abs or any kind of muscle. I see some bones. I do find it amusing to watch her constantly post these pictures of herself…nothing says you have an issue with your weight like posting your body shots all over the web so people will comment on them; and then you can ‘defend’ how healthy you are.”

Yeah. That. And it’s really getting kind of pathetic. Can’t she just take her scrawny ass back into the studio and sing again? That was always what she was best at.