WORDS MY CHILD CAN READ VIA THE REFRIGERATOR MAGNETS, BUT ONLY IN FRONT OF ME BUT I SWEAR, PEOPLE, I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP:

1. Oops2. Egg3. Noah4. Hot5. Ass

NUMBERS MY CHILD LEAVES OUT WHILE HE COUNTS TO TWENTY:

1. Four

NUMBER OF TIMES IN THE PAST THREE DAYS I HAVE TACKLED MY CHILD, DIPPED HIM IN CADBURY CREME EGG FONDANT AND SWALLOWED HIM WHOLE:

1. 567,987,001

I expected pregnancy to sort-of suck. I mean, honestly, it sucked last time too. Although I would probably never let myself use that word, since I still remember walking through the pregnancy and family planning section of the bookstore years ago, a massive dose of Clomid coursing through my system, and seeing that book called "Pregnancy Sucks." And I blinked and sniffed and thought, "Ungrateful bitches."

I keep saying that I feel better this time than I did with Noah, although Jason is often there behind me, shaking his head, because he thinks this go-round is just as awful. I'm not throwing up as much, that's for sure -- maybe four or five times total so far, with at least three of those times being more the fault of a skull-bashing migraine than traditional pregnancy nausea.

I didn't get migraines last time, though. Definitely not. And those of your who have ever suffered from migraines, pregnancy-related or otherwise, well -- you know. Migraines are more than a headache. They manage to hurt both before and after the actual head pain. You feel them in your shoulder blades, in your eyeballs, your stomach. Light hurts. Sound hurts. Movement hurts. After it goes away you're left exhausted and shaken and terrified that it will come back because you just can't fathom living through that kind of pain again. They have colored my entire world in dark, dismal hues that I can't see past right now.

I used to get migraines a lot -- in high school and my early twenties, mostly, when I was in the thick of eating disorders and jacked my blood sugar all up for the sake of size zero jeans. I never had a single headache once I got pregnant, though. The nausea was bad, I lost weight, I got slammed with anxiety attacks because OMG WHAT HAVE I DONE I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH A BABY OH SHIT, but no headaches. And even at my sickest, I really did have a deep and profound appreciation for pregnancy and all the glorious suckitude that came with it -- even if I rarely admitted that yes, wow, this sure can suck sometimes.

This time, I am happily and completely anxiety-free. Dude, I WANT this baby. Jason and I both WANT this baby. Badly. We are, simply put, so fucking excited about having another squeaky little newborn here. Another year of fat baby thighs and rapid-fire milestones and we cannot wait to hear what this little being has to say when s/he starts talking, whenever s/he chooses to start talking.

In the meantime, though, I am impatient. I want the BABY. The CHILD. The little THING in my ARMS.

The migraines -- and I've had at least a dozen of them so far -- are worse than labor. Worse than the morning sickness. They take me away from Noah and turn me into a shitty, lazy mother who leaves the TV on all day and slacks on her writing deadlines and gets short and irritable with anyone and everyone. Some days I'm okay. I get a little caffeine and watch my blood sugar and use a cold compress at the first little twinge in my eye sockets. But then there are days when we're out of easy breakfast options and Noah needs to get to some activity and we're running late and I suddenly feel my stomach lurch and my shoulder blades hurt and I know I should go lie down and take it easy but I can't, I just can't.

And then Noah cries because we have to leave the park and I've yanked his arm too hard and scared him and Jason comes home and I yell at him to shut up and leave me alone when all he tried to do was talk about his day and make a suggestion about dinner and then because I've been in bed for hours I can't actually sleep at night and spend hours and hours pacing the house and watching crap TV until Noah wakes up exactly 20 minutes after I've managed to fall asleep.

The only pregnancy-approved painkiller option (besides Tylenol, pffffffft, I spit on you, aspirin has always been my drug of choice) would be narcotics, which my doctor doesn't want to prescribe unless the headaches continue beyond week 13, and honestly I don't really want narcotics either. Codeine, Vicodin...I don't mess with that shit when I'm NOT responsible for a vulnerable, developing being. I wouldn't fault anyone for turning to them, however, and I am not trying to be some kind of pregnant martyr, but they just aren't for me.

My parents are here this week, to help me out and care for Noah while I "rest" and "take it easy," although it's already translating more into "frantically digging myself out of the professional black hole I've made for myself over the past few half-assed weeks."

I wish I were writing funny stories about oh my gawd! Pregnancy Brain made me walk out of the house with no pants on! Ha ha ha! I wish I could look at my round belly with a sense of awe and wonder instead of, "Oh. It's just bloat. Whatever."

I wish I felt better. I wish I felt like a better mom right now. And a better pregnant lady. And less like an ungrateful bitch.

But pregnancy...well, it's not the baby. I get that this time around. I get that my attitude towards the whole messy gestating process does not mean I have the same attitude towards the baby. They're more separate this time, since last time I couldn't really fathom anything beyond pregnancy and the hypothetical idea of a newborn who would grow up into...a kid? A person? Pshaw! Crazy talk, that.

Maybe I have my priorities more in order this time? It's not about me and a big show-offy belly and prenatal massages and piles and piles of itty bitty clothes? It's about just one fleeting step in the process of being a family? The pain of struggling to build that family is still fresh, but doesn't sting as much, because I've already been blessed worlds and worlds over.

It's a miracle and a gift and exactly what I've wanted for ages now...but it's also kicking the living shit out of me. I have three weeks to go until the second trimester, I think, I hope. I also hope it will suck less.

I feel ya, baby. One migraine after another with #2. They did get better after first tri and I did then start to feel like a better mother to my then 2 year-old, who daily endured my unearned wrath. It's truly survivial mode. Of course you're thrilled and grateful; you're also MISERABLE, so please bitch away. We enjoy whining, or we wouldn't be on this journey with you.

Oh wow. Thank you for writing this. I'm seven weeks along with my second and I have made my son cry three times in the past week. I'm sick with a god-awful cold (I miss NyQuil!!) in addition to wanting to vomit every time I change a diaper, or move, or smell anything. I'm trying to find the same joy that I had with my first pregnancy - I wrote endlessly about it and cataloged every moment - but I just can't ... yet. I keep telling myself yet. Maybe we'll meet on the other side of this crappy first trimester and be joyful and creative again.
Good luck to both of us, and thanks again!

I was shopping for a pregnancy book for my sister last week and saw 'Pregnancy Sucks' and had the same reaction. I'm currently experiencing some frustrating fertility troubles in the midst of trying to conceive a very wanted baby, so despite not having any Clomid in my system, the title of the book alone made me feel a bit homicidal.

So sorry about your migraines - I've never had one, but my husband gets them and I can tell they're absolutely awful. I hope you feel better soon!

Hey, so sorry about the migraines, I have had them for about 10 years, and they didn't really go away during both pregnancies. However, the did stop around week 18, both times. I also took tons of magnesium in combination with paracetamol (no idea what brand that translates to in the US) each time I felt it come on it seemed to help. Especially when I was also able to sleep - I know, pregnant+toddler= no sleep, so sorry about that! So, try and hold out, I really hope it'll get better around the 2nd trimester, good luck!

My 3rd pregnancy was that horrible. I wanted to die. My daughter started calling Rachael Ray "mommy Rach" because I watched food network all the time. I couldn't cook or eat, but I loved to fantasize about a world where I could do both and enjoy it. My oldest asked if I could "make that for her" and it was just raw chicken on a Tyson commercial.

But the baby is great. Not being pregnant is great. The girls don't remember nearly starving to death. All in all, it worked out.

Very well put. It's a blessing and an ass kicking curse all rolled into one.
But we know the end result? The newborn fuzzy head, the smell, the soft unblemished perfect skin? The little noodle arms and wrinkled feet? So worth it.
And then, they're 21 and 6'4 and 230 pounds and their big hugs and manly voices that say I love you Mom? Yep, still worth it.

I am a migraine sufferer when I'm NOT pregnant, so my doctor prescribed me Fioricet to have on hand for any pregnancy migraines (since all other migraine meds are of the SO TOXIC YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN LOOK AT THEM WHILE KNOCKED UP variety). Fioricet is a combination of Tylenol, caffeine, and a barbituate. I have been lucky to only get one real, serious migraine since I've been pregnant (I'm due on Wednesday), and a half-dose of the Fioricet did the trick. It made me happy and sleepy, but it also broke the migraine cycle so I could survive on Tylenol and fully caffeinated Coke while the headache petered out.

I know how miserable untreated/untreatable migraines are -- I hope yours let up soon.

I've had migraines since I was 13, so at 26 it's a part of daily life. I can only hope that by praying to whatever deity will listen (hi, Giant Flying Spaghetti Monster!)that the migraines will cease with pregnancy. But sending good thoughts, happy, non-migraine days to you and a case of Coke.

The only thing I can offer is (((((((hugs))))))). I hope that you start feeling better REALLY soon. You are an amazing mom. You will get through this sooner rather than later, and Noah will still love and adore you. Remember that you're human too. Just b/c you're a mom doesn't mean you aren't allowed to feel badly. Just let him know that you're sorry, that you still love him, and that it will get better. Even though he's little, that will mean the world to him!!! More (((((((hugs)))))) and I can't wait to hear about your gloriously, WONDERFUL, 2nd trimester in a few weeks!!! :)

I'm due in May, and I couldn't agree more with your last lines. I said as much to my husband the other day. The nausea, the weight gain, the discomfort, the headaches, and so on - I feel bad for complaining about them all, as I'm actually grateful as hell that I have them.

I love being a mother. But I fucking hate being pregnant. Women who chirp "I just love being pregnant, I wish I could be pregnant all the time!" are what make me see red. It just sets up unfair and untrue expectations for the rest of us.

Noah will forgive you, he won't starve or have lasting emotional scarring from these times. Hoping for a better 2nd tri than first...

I'm terribly scared of being pregnant with our second - the first time around I took 3 hour naps every afternoon (yeah, I had a job, but I was half-assing mine too :0) You have so much more time to take care of yourself and prepare with your first...the upside (I've heard) is that your second seems to go a lot faster, probably for all of the above reasons.
Also, you might want to explore the option that your migraines are sinus related. I got horrible sinus headaches in my 2nd trimester...and you're right tylenol just worked enough to piss me off. Anyway, I think there are more remedies approved for sinus stuff than just pain relief.

i think people in general underestimate what is actually happening during pregnancy. like how can you be all delightful and nonchalant when there is a HUMAN BEING growing inside you? i am seriously in awe of pregnancy and the toll it takes on the body.

also, as someone who longs for the day when she is ready to make babies, I am terrified of pregnancy migraines because I get them now. Really badly...and they are totally related to my period and hormones. ugh.

I have to echo Mandy on this one-- I'll just settle for giving you a cheesy cyber-hug, I guess-
((((BIG HUG)))). Also some virtual dark chocolate if you like that kind of comfort :)
Here's fervent hoping for a migraine-free 2nd trimester!

I use advil for my migraines. If I take about 600 mgs right at the onset - like when I first get that twinge of being poked in the eye with a fork - and lay down in a dark room for about 30 minutes (which may or may not be an option for you), I can usually stave off a full-blown migraine. Which, yes, do leave me feeling like I've been run over by a bus. I feel for you girl. Hope it gets better.

I suffered from migraines in college and although I've never been in labor, I can't imagine a pain more incredible and debilitating than a migraine. I had to drop out of college classes, I would stop speaking for days, I had to BEG my roommate to leave the lights off for 48 straight hours at a time. I was miserable because I Could. Not. Function. There was no "sucking it up". I wouldn't wish that on anyone, especially not someone who has worked so hard to get to the place where you are. I hope they disappear today. I hope you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. If anyone deserves to enjoy their pregnancy, it's you.

I think having to change a diaper during your first trimester is some kind of cruel joke! If he poops within thirty minutes of Daddy coming home, sorry kid, you're going to have to wait. And why is my "morning" sickness worst at my toddler's dinnertime? I think he is going to turn into a cheese quesadilla if he eats one more of them.

Ugh, migraines are such a pain in the *ass*, there, a word Noah would know! I have been dealing with them since childhood and every one shakes me to my core and leaves my husband more confused than ever as he half expects me to just drop dead right there from the way I moan on and "carry on". I have tried all remedies, but someone told me apple juice for some reason helps with the sugar rush which opens the blood vessels in your head. I tried this the last migraine and it may have been the key to feeling better, or it could have been the Motrin, or the foot rub. Ah, hell. When you're going through it, you're willing to reason with the devil if it will make you feel better. Best of luck on the migraines and I hope the nausea eases up on you!

Many, many hugs, Amy. I wish I could give you advice, but I don't have any. Mine is kicking my butt, too, and I didn't realize how much of a bitch I really was while pregnant until I had a child as well as being pregnant. I have NO buffer. My poor children. But, they are children and millions of other children have made it through their sibling's gestations with very cranky and sick mothers without a psychological scratch. So I think they'll be ok. And if not, then I'm looking at it as boosting the economy with their therapy sessions when they're adults.

Pregnancy does suck (and I loved that book, btw). You're right that bitching and whining and complaining about being pregnant doesn't change how you feel about the baby. Not with the first or second or third baby. And complaining about it doesn't make you ungrateful, it makes you human.

I remember migraines from my teenage years and I can't imagine having to take care of a toddler, gestate a new baby AND deal with those damned things.

I don't think Vicodin would do anything for a migraine anyway. I get migraines both pregnant and not pregnant, and my OB prescribed me some Vicodin when I was pregnant too, but I never got it filled because given how hit-and-miss even Imitrex or other migraine drugs were for me, I just didn't think it would even do anything. I switched to a midwife and she thought my OB prescribing it was kind of nuts too.

I know it goes counter to what you always read, but as a long time sufferer of migraines I've found that blazing hot showers make them fade into manageable headaches. The heat makes your vessels dilate - like topically applied caffeine...

I had a lot of headaches with both of my pregnancies. The thing that helped get me through them was the patch that you stuck on your forehead. There are 2 brands that I've found and they are not always easy to come by. One is Migraine Ice and the other is Be Kool. They are pretty much the same and really helped kick the headaches. Good luck!

I have had migraines since age 6. I usually take Relpax (which wouldn't be safe for you and only works about 60% of the time for me), but occasionally get caught without it. Sometimes if I take a Tylenol PM (just Tylenol plus Benedryl believe it or not) right when I feel that tightness and the light sensitivity strikes, it helps. Also, the smell of eucalyptus or menthol sometimes helps tamp down the nausea for me. I think all of that would be pregnancy approved. At any rate it might give you something else to try.

Pregnancy DOES suck!! Say it loud and proud mama! I have shocked a few never-pregnant friends by declaring pregnancy a sucky state of life and one that I can't wait to be finished with (6 more weeks - in this, the first of my hopefully 3 total pregnancies but maybe not because shite, man, this is hard). And you're right, I don't feel like this is in any way a rejection of my baby, and I would never say it to a woman struggling to get pg, so as not to rub salt in her wounds, but seriously this is a big steaming pile of not-very-fun-times. And my pregnancy is completely complication free. I can't imagine heaping bedrest, or migraines on top of this general discomfort.

Oh dear. You've managed to open the trap of the 8-months-and-her-back-aches pg woman. I'm sure I'll remember it as being all butterflies and roses when looking back.

So, commiserating hugs to you, and though I will try to say with no trace of perkiness that I've never had a migraine and must extend sympathy instead of empathy on that score, I do feel ya on the nausea and bloating and general irritability, and wish you the bestest of best second trimesters. - Gillian

Thanks for writing this. I am in week 12 of pregnancy #2, and I yelled at my 10 month old this morning worse than I ever have. I've only lost my cool with her a few times and I never do anything worse than yell, but I have spent the last 6 hours feeling so guilty and terrible and it's all because I've been throwing up for 6 weeks and I am exhausted and not sleeping well and she needs more from me than I can give her right now. I feel miserable and while I know it will end (soon - I hope?), it is not over yet and each day lasts an eternity. Thanks for taking the load off a bit and making me feel like perhaps I'm not the worst mother in the world or the only one who feels this way.

I am so sorry! I have had terrible migraines all my life-and it was horrible during my pregnancy not to be able to take my meds!

My obgyn said it was ok for me to take my Zomig during the 2nd and 3rd trimester. I remember calling my normal doc to refill my meds, and she refused telling me it was horrible for my baby! Luckily my obgyn came to the rescue and filled it for me. She said it was worse for the baby and my body to be miserable than to take the meds.

Don't know what smells may be grossing you out, but I did find out that Eucalyptus and/or Spearmint is incredibly helpful, too, with migraines. Lavendar is good, as long as it's legit lavendar and not that overly sweet stuff. Bath and Body Works has a great Eucalyptus and Spearmint aromatherapy line that works well, and the lavendar from Crabtree and Evelyn seems to be the best. When I would get a migraine, I put some of the lotion on my hands, then would lay down with my hands near my face. I then do some relaxing breathing that I learned in yoga, and between all of that and the caffeine and tylenol, I was usually able to get them under control.
I really hope yours go away soon. They are the worst...had them chronically (3-4/week) for 7 or 8 years before getting them under control. Now I just get them monthly and when I'm pregnant.

Take all the help you can get right now. Ask Jason's mom to come next. Seriously. When I was pregnant with No. 2 and No. 1 was 18 months old I had to have help. I could not function with the nausea. Our moms pitched in and my husband did what he could and I would do the best I could in the mornings but it would hit me hard by 10:30 and that was it for me for the day.

It did get better in the second tri, then I could at least hear someone say the word "chicken" without gagging.

Okay, I have lost a baby at birth...and I am the first one to SCREAM FROM THE ROOFTOPS THAT PREGNANCY SUCKS. I hated it, and I was horrible at it. The nausea and the migraines were awful. (Although with Toddler I thankfully had none.) I don't take the narcos now unless it is an emergency. (Like I have totally ignored that I have a headache and not done anything for it) But I know that keeping your electrolytes up, your B12 levels up, and the caffeine levels even can also help. As long as you don't consume more than about more than 800 mg of caffeine a day you should be okay. And while you are writhing in pain I know that none of it will help, but if you're between barfing and all you might give it a shot.

Im afraid to comment on this one... But I 'sort of' feel your pain. I had a headache every freaken day of my first trimester. All I was given was a prescription to get MEASSAGE therapy! And you know what? I left the place with an even bigger headache. I hate that, and I hate how it makes you into a person your not. Heres to hoping they go away real freaken soon!!!

the second pregnancy was very similar for me. Just a relief (other than the vomiting and living on the bathroom floor oh right and also having a toddler) but I was so relieved to realize the pregnancy was not the child. All the vomiting in no way foreshadowed how I really felt about having a baby. my body wasn't trying to tell me that I couldn't hack it as a mom..it was just say...FOR THE LOVE OF PETE..DON'T EAT THAT!

I had awful migraines with my second pregnancy. Awful. I ended up seeing a Perinatologist and he prescriped me Propanalol (or something along those lines). It's taken daily as a preventative and worked really well.

On top of that, I saw a neurologist who recommended taking my Zofran (or any anti-nausea med) at the onset of a migraine. The first thing that happens is your stomach shuts down, hence the nauseated feeling. Once I took a Zofran, I could take two Tylenol and they would actually work.

I hope yours go away soon. Those migraines were the WORST part of pregnancy.

I had insane headaches with my 2nd pregnancy almost every single day until my 3rd trimester...then they just magically went away. My OB prescribed me Midrin and it didn't always work, but it did help me.

Another thing that helped me was Aveda Blue Oil. I'm not sure if they still sell it because I got it several years ago, but it's in this little glass vial with one of those rolly-ball applicators (think: that bubblegum lipgloss you had in 4th grade). You just rub it on your temples, sinuses, back of neck, etc. and it's kinda like accupressure and aromatherapy all at once. I'm not sure what all oils are in it, but definately some kind of minty something. Anyway, it's good stuff.

Also, I totally believe you that Noah's doing all that stuff. Payton does things like that too when no one else is around to see it.

I also had terrible migraines with my second pregnancy (but not my first), and can relate to the sheer misery you are feeling. The worst part is that you have another little one to look after and play with while you just want to go into a deep sleep. I did get some prescription migranine meds, but only felt desperate enough 3-4 times to actually take one during my 2nd and 3rd trimester.

I wouldn't wish migraines on my worst enemy, and I can't even imagine what it's like to have to be responsible for another human being (two even!) while having one. So, basically, you are a super hero.

I can totally relate. I really hated being pregnant but that has nothing to do with how I feel about my son! I love him and want more kids but that doesn't change the fact that pregnancy can totally suck and I will probably complain the whole way through again next time! Plus, what do you do when you already have a kid and you feel awful! Thank goodness your family is there to help.

I got the pregnancy migraines with baby # 2 also ( the other 5 pgs? Not a one!) my doctor told me to drink tea, as in English tea ( because I am in England, imagine that!) it's the tannin or something, I know you can't get our tea ( good old PG tips) over there but I would gladly send you some, anything is worth a try! Just let me know and I shall send some post haste and pray for the headaches to disappear, even before the teabags get to you, like magic.

I have never had a child, and don't really want to yet, but I can completely understand how you can think that the pregnancy can suck, but the aftermath, if you will, is totally worth it. No one faults you for complaining about what you're going through.

i feel you loud and clear. I am bit farther along than you and have spent mostof my nights lying on the bathroom floor thus-far. My days have been a constant conference call with the trash can under my desk, and food forget that. I felt horrible for saying it but i had to finally admit, not matterhow great it will be to have that baby, this blows.

BUT!!! miracles of miracles! Yesterday i hit my 3 month mark, and like MAGIC, i seemed to perk up, my appitite came back full force, and i can sleep (ohggod can i sleep)!! Stick in thee, this has GOT to get better!

37 weeks pregnant with my first, and yes, parts of it suck. I love what you wrote about separating the physical experience of pregnancy from the emotional anticipation of the baby. And you're still an awesome Mom to Noah.

Fingers crossed that the second trimester brings improvements for you!

amy anybody who reads your blog on a regular basis knows how grateful you are for noah and the new baby. You do not need to explain how grateful you are. ALso I suffer from insomnia for no apparent reason so you can call me when you are up and we can laugh at the late night episodes of cheaters and home improvement that come on at 4 in the morning.

Feel you, sistah. Feel you. Sorry you are being hard on yourself, but I get the same way with migraines - like, I should be better, even though I'm getting my ass kicked by the pain, I should be able to rise above it. But I can't. Don't be so hard on yourself. Think of how happy you are going to be when you are migraine free again. The joy you will feel (that I feel) when you are back to normal is also a blessing. Contrast is a blessing.

My pregnancies were both tough, but nothing like what you're dealing with. If I'd had to deal with migraines I don't know how I would have handled it. And you haven't even touched on the hormone-induced emotional roller-coaster! So yeah. It's hard. And I am sitting here across the country nodding, nodding, nodding, and agreeing that there is so much to look forward to. It's the damn wait that gets you.

Yeah, I think infertility robs us of so much of the typical pregancy/baby experience, including bitching about the less than attractive side effects.

When I would complain about only sleeping 9 minutes during one night with my newborn, there were a number of people who reminded me how hard I had worked for this child, or how much I had wanted her. Duh, but that doesn't mean it doesn't suck sometimes.

Same with morning sickness, labor, etc. "BUT you wanted this!" people would say. Um thanks for making me feel guilty was what I always wanted to reply.

I hear ya, sister. My second pregnancy was so shitty, I knew before the delivery that it was the last one for me. We had been sending our daughter to day care for 2 half-days a week, and my first trimester she started going full-time. That's right. All day, 5 days a week. Perhaps you need to find some in-home child care is all I'm saying...?

may I make an odd suggestion about the migraines? I get them, lawd do I get them, used to be they came with my cycles so i would get them once a month. which, as I'm sure you know, was no way to actually be a productive human being. there are two things that work for my migraines.

1) Inhaling cayenne pepper. (just don't then exhale back into it, that shit stings the eyes). Its the same effect as caffeine (dilating the blood vessels) without the problem of consuming caffenine while pregnant.

2) Feverfew. It's an herbal tincture. Put 20 drops or so into a gulp or two of water and choke it down. Tastes like ass, but it will lessen the migraine to the point of coping, if not actually making it better.

Other than that I am so sorry. I had a stress related migraine for two whole days last week. I hope this passes for you soon.

Just want to commiserate about the migraines... had them since age 5, tried all types of different prescriptions (although so far acupuncture has been the best). I actually can't even be on birth control because it fucks with my hormones too much and gives me more migraines, and you can imagine how fun it is to still be using condoms 6 years into my relationship!

Plus no one really gets that its more than just a headache.

I actually worry a lot about when/if i get pregnant in the future, because i don't know if I could cope with any more migraines than I already do (at least twice a month, if not more). I'm so sorry....

(PS i used to be your server quite often at Komi when you were pregnant & when noah was a newborn :)

Ok, will you just not worry about keeping this blog "up to date"? I would say that 95% of the people reading this have been pregnant, so% if you just want to complain for the next 6 months, you go girl, and whatever % doesn't like that, piss off.

By the way, Noah's words and counting and reading made me tear up and laugh at the same time, and then I laughed some more and the family part made me cry again. Nice work. Someone get me a Cadbury Egg and my four year old. She is not too big to be eaten.

I'm really sorry it sucks so bad right now. I had easy (breezy, beautiful Cover Girl) pregnancies. I hope this suckiness will be over soon and the only suckitude in your life will be the sucking of a new baby on a leechless bottle.

And just because you want this -- even as much as you did the first time, with a different perspective -- doesn't mean you're not allowed to complain about it. That doesn't make you ungrateful.

I don't know why lately that I feel like I'm your personal LIFE COACH or something, with the validating of your feelings, but really, I mean it, and I don't mean it condescendingly. Dude. Give yourself a break. A giant one, maybe with ice cream. You're allowed to feel like shitty and crabby about it. Migraines and feeling crappy generally sucks eggs, man.

I'm finally over my not-morning-but-all-damn-day-sickness and yeah, those weeks of nausea made me feel like I'd gotten run over by a truck. They also made me an unproductive, cranky, whiny bitch.

I just wanted to show you a little light at the end of the tunnel, and to thank you for what you wrote about your first pregnancy. It is very reassuring to know that you felt "meh" about it sometimes. And scared. I get a bit anxious sometimes (all the time) that I'm not more excited. I'm scared that I don't really want a baby, and, well, IT'S A LITTLE LATE FOR SECOND THOUGHTS, SISTER!

Stupid migraines! I have had them since I was a kid and I hate how much of my time and energy they have sucked away over the past twenty-odd years. I want to second another poster's recommendation that you might get some relief from magnesium supplements... they don't prevent my headaches, but they sort of blunt them. AND there is the added bonus of regular pooping! I've also found that prescription Promethezine helps w/ the nausea and I believe it's safe to take during pregnancy.

The best thing about pregnancy, whether crappy or not, is that when its over, its over. And the next day forgotten about.

I suffer from chronic SPD and an unstable sacro-iliac joint when pregnancy, as a result of an old back injury. Meaning that I cannot move much of the time from pain, and that by the end of the pregnancy I am on crutches. The only medication that helps is anti-inflammatories, and thats a no-no. I confess to sometimes being in such eye-rolling pain that I would silently weep while shuffling from one room to another, and once in desperation I downed a double dose of paracetamol and then a double shot of whiskey. I cant wear a corset as it excacerbates hamerroids and varicosities, and from time to time, just to get through the day without killing everyone around me, I wore a Tens machine turned up to the top and kept it going all day.

And despite all this, I did it 4 times. I take every Voltaren shot offered me in the hospital (C-section for each kiddo), and I pop Voltarens for about 4 weeks afterwards.

But the most miraculous thing is that immediately after surgery the pain goes away 90%, and by the end of the first month PP its gone completely, and I am left ina suspended state of disbelief that I went through all that.

My long-winded point being... hang in there. It will end, and what a glorious gift youll have at the end of it all. :-)

I love this post. I know nothing about pregnancy, nothing about migraines, nothing about being a mother, but I love it.

I've been reading your blog for years because I love the honesty and painful self-awareness that is so present in your words. The Internet needs people like you, who are honest and upfront about their own fears and humanity. Thank you for writing the way you do.

A bit gushy, I know. I very rarely comment as I have nothing to add about motherhood, but I'm not exaggerating when I say that you and your blog has helped me through some dark times. You are special, your children are lucky to have you as a mother.

Amy, have you tried the WellPatch migraine patches? You stick them on your forehead or the back of your neck (neck is my spot, which is good b/c then they're hidden by hair), and it's a little like wearing an ice pack while you walk around. They have a menthol / eucalyptus smell to them.They really help.

You can get them at drugstore.com, since CVS and Eckerd only seem to have them occasionally. There's another brand, Be Kool, but they don't seem to last as long (a WellPatch can last me 6 to 8 hours).

Also, are your jaw muscles tight when you have a migraine? If they are, put some lotion on your fingers and massage the jaw where it's tight. This can help release the muscles and ease the migraine. Or if you find that your shoulder muscles get tight with a migraine, getting those massaged (yourself or by Jason) may help.

I had pregnancy migraines so bad that it's one reason I never had another pregnancy . . . so I sympathize very very much.

i also hate every single person who suggests some stupid remedy that never freakin works but forces you to go to the store and buy it because lord help me I will try anything!!! Even buying ginger for sushi and eatting that! uuuggghhhh

Don't tear yourself up, Amalah! I have been reading your blog for a while, and I can tell that you're a wonderful person and an amazing mother. Your children are lucky to have someone like you for a mother.
What's important is that you love them unconditionally, which it's obviously you do. Don't stress about the rest for now, this rough patch is just that -- a rough patch.

I have had a migraine exactly one time in my life.
It was enough to have sympathy for all migraine sufferers for the rest of my life!
I still don't get the speech delay on Noah. What delay?

The toddler in my life is 2 years and 3 months and says all that and more, and is nowhere near counting to 20 with or without the 4..hee! Anyway, the pedi claimed him "ahead" of the game. That was a couple of months ago. So when I read your stories on Noah I wonder how much worry was warranted? I am glad he can say ass though cuz that kinda rawks!! LOL :)

I hardly ever comment, Amy, but this time I just have to! I was pregnant with my son when you were with Noah (my Tom was born Nov '05). I recently also discovered I'm pregnant again (due 25 Sept '08) and the 'thinking' you've described in this post just really hits the nail on the head for me - first time around, it WAS all about me, my bump, my symptoms, my massages and oils and lotions and potions. But this time, I just want the whole sorry thing to whizz by so that I can meet my little person and see who they are and what they do, you know?

I really honestly couldn't see past pregnancy when I was expecting Tom (well, I could just about see the birth part, but no more than that). And I was all earth mothery about it - I don't want drugs, I want a natural birth blah blah blah. This time, I'm already begging thee midwife to guarantee me hardcore pain relief and/or a general anaesthetic if possible!

Anyway, I'll stop rambling now - just wanted to say I adore your blog, more so now that I can compare virtual notes with you once again.

Thanks for finding a way to say what I hope someday to have to find a way to say myself. (Confusing?) Basically, I feel like all the belly-aching I've been doing about not getting pregnant and about wanting a baby SO BAD means that I'm setting myself up to be bitched at by people later if I even dare HINT at being uncomfortable during pregnancy (if it actually ever happens). Thank you, thank you for proving that one can be grateful and bitchy at the same time. I want to grow up to be just like you. :)

You know what? We're all ungrateful sometimes. And that's okay. You're just honest about it. My kid was just diagnosed with Tourettes. And it's not as bad as it sounds. It's just motor and vocal tics off and on. And some days, I'm fucking GRATEFUL that he doesn't have cancer or something worse. But you know what? Other days? I hate it. I'm tired of the coughing he does and worrying about him being teased later. And yes, I'm writing for BabyCenter now. And Good Housekeeping. And I'm so lucky it's not even funny. But sometimes, it just sucks. And it feels good to say it. And you're going to do great also. And sometimes, it's gonna suck. So there. And hey - congrats!!!!

Hard to be grateful about anything when you feel like crap, girl. Give yourself a break on this one.

I can't remember, is Excedrin ok to take when pregnant. It's basically half aspirin, half Tylenol, BUT it has just enough caffeine in it to kick a migraine's ass to the curb. I suffer them, and Excedrin is the only thing (short of narcotics) that helps.

If you can't take it, I would try to keep a respectable level of caffeine in your system at all times.

I was getting them almost every day about 10 years ago, and nothing was helping so I went for biofeedback therapy. It's a technique that you use to basically relax your entire body and deal with the pain. It has helped me in more ways than I can explain and not just with the migraines. It was through a hospital, so my insurance paid it all. Maybe it's worth a try?