Please can anyone help me! I have lived with this since I was 15, I am now 21!

I can't go on holiday, I can't stay at anyones house, sometimes I have to travel home from work because of this! I can't go for a poo anywhere but my own house, not only this..its prevents me from going on holiday because I am terrified of getting an upset stomach, therefore I will not go!

Went to see my doctor the other day and he said there wasnt anything he can do, no one he can refer me to and its something I have to get over myself! Well I have tried to get over this since I was 15, and it is now ruining my life, I have missed out on so much already and I just do not know what to do anymore!

I know toilet phobias exist, but I have never found anything about the upset stomach thing. Can anyone help? Does it affect anyone else?

helpmeplease87 guess what its not that secretive as you think. I have such a problem and I just turned 48 this week. I have that fear also but my way I have learned to get control of the phobia is some ways is this. And please dont laugh. I had gone for a trip for 2 weeks to some friends of mine and that thought didnt come to mind til I was there. The only way I can go poo as you called it is late at night when everyone is asleep and I am the only one up or.... before I take my shower and I run the shower cause no one will know that I am in there going. Also the sound of the shower helps me to be relaxed a lil. I do remember many of times omg the pain in my stomach at work and it built up for couple of hours til I reached home. So my friend your not alone.

Also I think my mom has a sort of phobia also, she is almost 80 and when she goes anywhere except at her home. She would stoop over the toilet not sit. Her legs are weak, but she wont go any other way. I myself layer toilet paper on seat if I need to use it to pee. For I am not a guy as I told my mom lol

Good luck you will find what works for you. There is a few of us out there just kept it to ourselves I guess til now.

It's not at all uncommon. Many people are like this.
Some choose to out of sheer preference - I call it - Onlygoin'-on-my-own-throne-with-ma-plush-paper syndrome ssmile

For others it can be far more anxiety provoking. There's an embarrassment factor to making plopping noises in earshot of others. It may also cover the flatulence experience. I avoid public toilets as much as possible for that reason - and frequent poor hygiene.

However, I don't hold it to the extent of doing damage to myself.

To be 'picky' isn't phobic - but to put yourself in pain or discomfort is becoming irrational.

There are things you can do - mostly to rationalise your selectivity. Is there a specific fear that you know drives your phobia? Like germs, or just general poor hygiene, or social embarrassment?

It's possible to learn to accept that where you can make a choice - you will; and there's nowt wrong with that. But that where the choice is limited or not available - you will tolerate it rather than suffer the discomfort or loss of life's pleasures.

Thats the thing, its none of those things for me, not germs or embarassment, I just dont know what causes it.

Like with work for example, sometimes we have to go to london, i always avoid doing this but as soon as it comes up in conversation i immediately start panicking, i just cant go away from home and its beginning to ruin my life, cant go on holidays and have now started a new job and i am praying they arent going to ask me to go away because i just cant do it.

Everyone says to me the only way to get over it is to just do it, go somewhere for a weekend, take holiday or whatever. But i just cant because if i do go and i get an upset stomach it will prove my point that thats going to happen and i will just never go away again. And the fact that i will be worrying about it happening is likely to cause an upset stomach and i just cant deal with it, even at home i hate it, its like the worst thing in the world to me.

I just dont know what to do anymore, i just want it to go away as quickly as it suddenly started when i was 16

I wouldn't say my problem was a phobia, but I feel very uncomfortable going anywhere except my parents' ensuite; I think it's because I just can't stand having someone hear me (it's the same with my emetophobia; I can't stand to have people hear me vomit). If I'm at a friend's house or a public toilet and there are people nearby, I'll either wait 'til they're gone or hang on 'til I find a toilet away from people. I know you said your phobia isn't to do with embarrassment; I'm just trying to say that the phobia itself is probably more common than you think. It's just a bit of a taboo subject, so wouldn't be talked about very much.

Oh, and I just remembered: When I was at school, there was this girl that was ALWAYS in the toilets at the end of recess, and she would turn all the taps on before she went into the cubicle. One day my friend and I turned the taps off because it was a waste of water, and the girl completely flipped out and started yelling at us from within. Maybe she had a similar problem. As I say, I'm sure it's quite common and that lots of people have a certain degree of "toilet anxiety" or whatever you want to call it. ssmile

helpmeplease87 Wrote:Thats the thing, its none of those things for me, not germs or embarassment, I just dont know what causes it.

Not wanting to appear stupid or flippant - but - why do you fear it then if you don't know why?
If you're not sure why you don't want to go - then maybe you need to just go and find out what the fear is about?

You say it's going for a poo is the problem?
Does that mean you can use any toilet to pee?

Recognition of the irrationality basis can assist in the realignment with reality.
There is no one cure fits all so often an exploration of alternative options is required.

I will also outline that this is not a site for 'open critical analysis' of others and their treatment techniques unless there is clear risk of harm to a user. If you have a concern with my technique please feel free to pm me and discuss it. I would request you don't trounce on someone else's thread again with your critical opinions due to its counter-therapeutic nature.

Any further critical debate of 'treatment techniques' in this thread will be deleted.

My name's Tanya and i'm 27. Have lived with a form of toilet phobia for as long as I can remember - I think it began in my early teens but I can't really pinpoint an exact moment.

My fear is that I will not reach a toilet in time, or that the toilet will be occupied when I'm desperate to go (only bowel related, not bladder). I guess my ultimate fear is soiling myself and people seeing. My doctor has said I have IBS. My symptoms are definitely panic-induced. I have had all kinds of therapies in the past - I'm currently seeing my 4th counsellor which has actually been really useful but I came to realise that nothing will ever cure me, what I need to do is come to terms with this being part of who I am. I've had hypnotherapy, CBT-based anxiety management, EFT and all sorts...all brought some improvement but not much.

My life is very limited as a result. I am lucky in one respect that I've managed to hold down a good job as a youth worker for a children's charity, but I have really struggled and as a result am not fond of my job at all. It involves day trips on coaches, visiting families in their homes etc and I found this extremely tough. AS a result, I rely on imodium, limit my food intake - and this raised concerns at work. I was sent for an occupational health assessment, pressured by my boss to take anti-depressants, and the outcome was that I was told I need intense psychotherapy for 2-3 sessions a week, for about 4 years. At my expense :shock:

I have all the usual problems with travelling, staying at people's houses etc. In my previous relationship this really made life hard, but fortunately I'm with someone else now and he's been amazingly supportive.

Recently though, my IBS has got much worse and as a result i'm finding it even harder to go about my daily life and to do my job, for fear of needing the toilet. It's really getting me down, there's not much my GP can do other than keep trying to put me on medication (i'm not a fan of taking prescribed medication which is why I'm not taking any - I appreciate that some people are helped by it, but in the past it has not helped me, and I prefer not to put more into my body). I'm just getting pretty fed up with it all :x

On an immediate plus - a side effect of most medications is - constipation. Never known to cause diarrhoea.

Just an off the wall question - did you have to deal with grief and loss as a young child? Perhaps someone close to you or a family friend may have passed away or someone you had a close friendship with left?

(I'm sounding more like a bloody clairvoyant every day)

Reason I ask is because there is a concept in child development of 'holding on and letting go' (Erik Erikson) where we learn to accept the 'end of things' - and that things in life change - new beginnings.
The outcome of this is to learn about being 'in control of the situation' - or more aptly, realising we can't control everything around us and there are limits to our control of our environment and often ourselves.
If that development experience is marred by some experience then it may have a subliminal effect on how we perceive control in our own life.

It's odd that I remember this part particularly in my lectures because the tutor talked of children learning this experience when going to the toilet for a bowel movement - which I always thought was a bit odd.

I've been told before that it's to do with controlling things in our lives. I didn't experience any loss in the early years - does it have to be then, when we learn these things?

My parents separated when I was 10. Moved to secondary school at 11, which I hated, and may well have been the onset of my anxiety. Also my nan died when I was 14, which was quite unexpected.

I did have an incident of gastro-enteritis (which I can't spell) when I was somewhere around 7-9 during which I fainted twice, and one of those fainting episodes came when I was desperate to get in to use the toilet but my dad was in the bath so I had to wait, and i got into a panic, fainted, and lost my bowel control.

I'm not aware of this problem developing immediately after that. But it does still si very clearly in my memory and I suspect this memory may have contributed to my problem later on...plus every time I've lost my bowel control since then, it's reinforced the phobia (there have been times when I've not been able to wait, but these have usually been indoors or have been very close shaves while out in public, where i've managed to get to a loo by the skin of my teeth!).

Control is definitely an issue with me - I've never really felt in control of my life, and do get very stressed and anxious about things. I find it hard to say no, constantly worry about not doing what's expected of me, or not being liked etc. It's something i'm working on at the moment..but no doubt it really feeds my IBS problems which then make my phobia worse.

I guess it would be plausible to suggest the change trauma around 10-14 may have influenced - but I'm reluctant (despite my clairvoyance! :laugh: ) to hang things on simply convenient pegs; or life experiences.

Similarly the gastro experience may have a residual imprinting effect on you.
You said 'every time I've lost my bowel control since then, it's reinforced the phobia' - does this mean, with the IBS more so, there are times where you do have accidents and don't make the toilet on time?

If so - this would significantly reduce your 'phobia' from an irrational fear - to a rational one.

It's not really irrational, no, because there have been quite a few times when the worst has happened. But what IS irrational, I suppose, is the extent to which I've managed to let it restrict my life.

The times when I have not managed to hold on have really been because I've got into a state of panic. If I can really keep my calm then I can usual maintain control. However, it's not always so easy. My most recent incident was on Sunday, at my boyfriend's (we've only been together 3 months) I had already been into the bathroom and sat there with pains but not actually going to the toilet (couldn't go at that point). Within a few minutes of giving up, my boyfriend went to use the loo, I immediately started panicking because I knew an episode of diarrhoea was coming, I laid myself on the sofa to do some breathing exercises but could feel that my stomach wasn't going to let me wait, so I started to panic even more, weighing up whether I was going to have to stay there and let nature take its course, or go out the garden where a neighbour might see. . . in the end I opted for calling my boyfriend upstairs and pleading him to get off the loo, which he fortunately did asap, and I managed to dash in and go.

From here, while still on the loo, i'm already thinking now he's going to be annoyed with me, I start convincing myself that I definitely cannot control myself and what if this happens when I'm at work tomorrow etc ... it's all definitely related to social anxiety!

Yarnie Wrote:From here, while still on the loo, i'm already thinking now he's going to be annoyed with me

By the way, that's not meant in a sense that i'm scared of him or anything...what I mean is that I'm so convinced that this problem is going to come between us, that he'll get sick of me being ill all the time or being too worried to go places, that i'm probably making it a bigger issue than it would otherwise need to be!