Here are
15 ways
to end the
incivility

A good word is an easy obligation, but not to speak ill requires only our silence, which costs us nothing.

- Tillotson
The truth is that most of the incivility in New Milford in recent years has been caused by just a small number of individuals.

The problem is that the incivility is frequently very public, it on occasion pushes other people to the breaking point, it all too often drives good people from staying (or getting) involved in public life, and it sometimes slows the wheels of town government.

The incivility has also exacerbated previously existing divisions in the community, it has spread beyond the original developer vs. preservationist clash, it has in some cases become far more personal than issue-oriented, and it has hurt the town's image in the area.

For all of those reasons, and more, the ugly era of incivility in New Milford must come to an end.

Last week in this space, I described some of the uncivil behavior that has occurred in town, provided an historical perspective on why I think it has happened, and called for an end to the incivility.

I also promised that this week I would offer some specific, constructive challenges to individuals and groups to help bring about an end to the incivility in New Milford.

Here are those challenges:

1) I challenge the people of New Milford to demand a higher standard of behavior in the public arena. Most officials and most other residents who get involved in town government behave admirably. But the uncivil behavior of the few must not be tolerated.

2) I challenge the people of New Milford to think for themselves and to be skeptical of the propaganda, personal attacks and smear campaigns that are out there. There are a handful of angry people in this community who are on a vendetta, and there are some individuals and small groups who are out to get the other guy. In all too many cases, these folks do not care about the truth or about fairness, and their claims should be considered with great skepticism.

3) I challenge Mayor Pat Murphy to use the bully pulpit of her office to help bring an end to this era of incivility. The mayor did an excellent job of restoring public civility during her first year in office, and she cannot be blamed for some individuals' rude behavior. But the reality is that the causes of incivility did not go away, and there have been some recent public flareups to prove it. Mayor Murphy needs to use her leadership skills, her personal example and the weight of her office to help kill the roots of the incivility.

4) I challenge the Town Council to join the mayor in this important venture. The council must not tolerate uncivil behavior at its meetings, and its members must act as role models for proper public demeanor. The same goes for the members of all other boards and commissions in town.

5) I challenge the two party chairmen in New Milford to exercise leadership in ridding the town of incivility. Republican Pete Bass and Democrat John Lillis should make it clear that neither party tolerates uncivil behavior and that it will not nominate, or renominate, any individuals who contribute to the problem.

6) I challenge all town officials and all other residents who are active in government to remember why they got involved in the first place. For many, those goals are still clear, and they are still followed. But for others, those goals have been replaced by politicking, partisanship and/or getting involved in personal attacks.

7) I challenge everyone - town officials, people active in government, letter writers, those who write on the Internet - to deliver an issue-oriented, factually correct message and to eliminate personal attacks from the public arena. People need to be honest, to tell the truth, and to make their case based on the issues, not by smearing someone with whom they disagree. All residents should feel free to speak their opinion on any matter of public interest, but they should do it in an issue-oriented manner - and should be able to do so without fear of retaliation for what they said.

8) I challenge everyone involved in town government to treat everyone with whom they come in contact with courtesy and respect. One town official who is disgusted with the uncivil behavior he has witnessed in the public arena offers this advice to those involved with town government: "Be nice. Just be nice."

9) I challenge local activist Jay Lewin to channel his energy, intelligence, knowledge and interest in government to constructive use. I would urge Mr. Lewin to seek specific, positive ways in which to help move the town forward. And I would encourage him to deal with disagreements he has with others - and to seek resolutions - on a face-to-face basis before moving to the level of official complaints.

10) I challenge local blogger Bob Kostes to channel his obvious interest in local government in positive ways. Mr. Kostes attends many meetings, files reports on those meetings for readers of his blog, and offers some interesting opinions. I would encourage Mr. Kostes to provide an even greater public service by focusing his reporting and opinion-writing on an issue-oriented basis.

11) I challenge all those who write blogs, have websites or write to websites to have respect for the truth. There are few sanctions against those who smear others or are loose with the truth on the Internet, and it is up to the individuals involved to exercise restraint and a sense of fairness.

12) I challenge those individuals who write anonymous threatening or harassing letters to cease that despicable practice. I know of all too many specific examples in which these letters have been written, and I know that they emanate from individuals on both sides of New Milford's developer vs. preservationist divide. I have little respect for those who don't have the courage to put their name behind their words, and I have no respect for those who try to intimidate others with these cowardly missives.

13) I challenge those individuals who have been the front men in filing ethics complaints, writing letters to the editor and making public comments to tell the power brokers to put their own names to those ventures. Again, there are numerous examples of this, but none is more notorious in recent times than the infamous Ziegler ethics complaint. Everyone knows Andrew Ziegler didn't write that complaint, but he was the one whose name went on the complaint after the architect(s) of the document - who wanted to hide in the shadows - had failed to convince a town councilman, a Planning Commission member, a member of the clergy and who knows how many other people to sign it.

14) I challenge Tom Pilla, John Kane and Andrew Ziegler to find a way to resolve the lawsuit Mr. Pilla filed as a result of the Ziegler ethics complaint. That suit has dragged on through numerous depositions thus far, and it would likely be months or years before the case would be resolved if it were to go the full route through the courts. I know how strong the feelings are on both sides of this issue, and I'm sure neither side wants to budge. But it would be far better for New Milford - and very likely for the plaintiff and co-defendants as well - if some sort of resolution were reached.

15) I challenge longtime opponents to find a way to bury the hatchet. Jay Lewin and Larry Greenspan could lead the way by getting together and trying to resolve the differences that led to their recent public incident. And there are a number of other individuals who could reach out to folks with whom they have had past differences - and in doing so help the town move into a new era of greater harmony and civility.