You can't help - I just need a friendly ear I guess.

As most of you are probably aware, my husband was killed on Sept 11 2001 at the World Trade Center.

I had come to terms (sort of) with the fact that my husband was murdered.

I had come to terms (sort of) with it being on our daughter's 2nd birthday.

I had come to terms (sort of) with being 11 weeks pregnant at the time, and our youngest daughter never knowing her father.

I had come to terms (sort of) with not having a body, or any "proof" that he was even in the building that day.

I had come to terms (sort of) with not knowing what happened to him and how he died.

I had come to terms (sort of) with the fact that he walked out of the door one morning to go to work and was never seen or heard from again.

I thought the hard part was over.

It's been almost 3 and a half years but it's still not over. A website was just launched which contains 8,000 photos recovered from the wreckage of the World Trade Center, for family members to look through and claim. I'm 600 photos in.

I know that my husband had at least one photo on his desk (of our daughter of course), possibly more. So of course I have to look through all the pictures. It's heartbreaking. Every picture is of a baby, or a smiling couple, or a bunch of people at a party, etc. And you just know that all the people in those photos are now orphans, widows, widowers, parents who have lost a child. And the photos, of course, are not all in great shape. You can see where they have been burned.

But every time I click the button to move on to the next picture I know that I could see my daughter's sweet, innocent face smiling at me, the way her father last saw her. Could anything be more depressing?

Kate-I wish I had the words to help, but you are right, nobody does. I just want to let you know that I really admire and respect your strength (even if you don't feel that way now). I read Jim's tribute page that was posted in Sept., and the love you had for him was apparent throughout. I was so moved I had to show it to my DH,and he said the same thing. Know that I am thinking of you, especially now.

Hi Kate..... I just dropped into the thread so I hope you don't mind me intruding.I lost my partner when I was much much younger,and although he died from illness,it was sudden and unexpected.I can't begin to imagine what the last years have been like for you,but I do know the pain and my heart goes out to you with a really big hug.

I also lost my son from cot death at 8 months.It was 6 years ago in March.That brought a pain and anger I thought I'd never escape from.But gradually,and I mean gradually,the hole inside me has got smaller.If you ever need an understanding ear,I'm here.