What Is Blocking You from Manifesting Your Heart’s Desires?

I recently posted on my personal Instagram about feeling stuck and not knowing what step to take next with respect to life and career. The answer for myself during that time (mid-January) was to remain still, be comfortable with being uncomfortable (AKA, getting acquainted with the unknown), and enjoy the journey.

I now understand what that meant. I went through an intense purging period during the Total Lunar Eclipse/Blood Moon period that took place January 20–21, in order to heal and release old wounds or beliefs about myself. Many fears and insecurities were brought up to the surface, which is something I am still working on releasing.

My main struggle at the moment is that I am not happy with the work that I do anymore (no offense to my current employer). I have tried applying at so many different places just to get out of this situation. I have gotten so many interviews. and I have been so close to been hired, but there is always a but.

I am not going to lie—I got into an argument with Spirit, because I felt blocked. The answer I came back was to stop getting distracted and putting energy toward things that aren’t aligned with my calling. Oh, and did I mention my Sun and Moon signs are Capricorn? AKA stubborn AF, and takes so long to make a decision. Yup, that’s me!

I continued to go against the signs and “keep looking.” I asked Spirit: “Why are you keeping me stuck here?”

One morning, I pulled a Message of the Day card for myself, and All Tied Up came out, with Envy at the bottom of the deck. Of course, the Envy card didn’t make sense. I don’t feel envious toward anyone, and I doubt anyone feels envy toward me…and if that was the case, why would that keep me tied up?

Next thing you know, I was at work, scrolling through my IG feed, and I saw something I liked and said to myself, I wish I had that, but I am too broke to afford it.

My co-worker walked by, and I thought, That person is so lucky to be out of here soon.

Then, the word envy came into my thoughts. I was confused for a second. To me, envy meant being a hater and not being happy for others…so I was like, “Nope, that ain’t me.” I looked up the word envy online, and this is what the definition is: “a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck” (Dictionary.com).

Ohhhh, there was that a-ha! moment that I needed. I realized that the Universe is not blocking me. It’s me!

My longing for prosperity elsewhere, added to not taking any action, is causing a deep sense of lack and dissatisfaction. I keep waiting for someone or something to come save me from my own misery, but I haven’t truly taken any action toward what I desire.

But why? I have always been successful in achieving something I put my mind and heart into. Truth is, I haven’t fully committed to my dreams because they feel too big for me—and I don’t feel good enough. It is all new to me. I don’t feel safe. I go back and forth, telling myself: You got this!…Who am I kidding? Indecision is a huge block, as well.

All it really comes down to is fear. After a couple sessions with my life coach, I learned that fear is an ego-based emotion that tries to keep us safe. Our ego lives in the past or future and doesn’t like the unknown, because it’s uncomfortable! So yes, fear-based thoughts are going to say: “You’re not good enough; don’t make a fool of yourself; don’t take any risks; no one is going to read what you write.” The more you focus on these thoughts, the more you feed this fear monster and give your power away.

I feel vulnerable sharing my deepest thoughts and fears, but it is necessary. This is my way of expressing myself, releasing, and co-creating with the Universe. The Universe only responds to what we put out there. This is my way of saying, “I chose to let go of fear. I put myself out there. This is me taking a risk and facing my fears of what people think of me, as well as my fears of embarrassment, rejection, and failing. I am ready for change!” (Perfect timing and totally taking advantage of the New Moon energy on February 4, 2019!)

I even created a little list for myself to shift out of fear based thoughts. I’d like to share it:

Every time jealousy/envy comes up, focus on gratitude. ( I write down at least three things I am grateful for every day.)

Stop focusing on what you didn’t do and acknowledge your accomplishments and how far you’ve come, instead.

Use daily affirmations. (For example, my fear tells me I am not good enough. I let go of that thought by saying, “I am enough, I have enough, I do enough!”)

Let go of comparison and focus on yourself! We only see others’ accomplishments and not the struggles they went through to get there.

Pay attention to the things that make you feel jealous (your low-key desires) and use that as motivation to set goals towards those things.

To be honest, I procrastinated on writing this for a while, because my fear told me being vulnerable is not safe—it will only let others see my weakness, and I will be made fun of. As I am about submit this, I feel happy knowing this is one of the steps I am taking towards freedom. I acknowledge myself for taking this risk and sharing something so personal to the public, knowing this will reach the right person going through the same thing.

Belen Martinez is a creative interior designer who dreams about travel, humanitarian work, and freedom. She reminds herself to stay in the present moment and take things one day at a time. In her free time, she likes to explore, spend time in nature, and do crafts with her daughter.

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