Glee Episode 417 Recap: Guilty Pleasures Zig-A-Zig-Ah

Welcome to the seventeenth recap of the fourth season of Glee, a multi-colored fruit-flavor explosion in your mouth starring an assortment of punchy youths dedicated to performing spirited renditions of 90’s pop anthems, going dog-sledding, arranging flowers and harvesting fresh root vegetables, like potatoes.

look, that human-shaped gallon of gnocchi is trying to dance again!

This week’s episode was definitely one of my favorites of the season! (Issues with their handling of the near/dear-to-my-heart sex worker storyline aside — although even that didn’t play out as badly as I’d anticipated.) Perhaps we owe some of this to this week’s decency to the Guilty Pleasures director, Mr. Eric Stoltz:

Eric Stoltz in “Kicking and Screaming,” which I watched every day for about a month in 2000

Eric Stoltz has directed Glee episodes before, but my love for Eric Stoltz is rooted in many things, including but not limited to his work as an actor in seminal ’80s & ’90s films as well as his brief time starring in the short-lived masterpiece Capricia as well as his directing work on shows like Nashsville, Nip/Tuck, Boston Legal and Grey’s Anatomy. He also directed one of my favorite Glee episodes of all time, Blame it On The Alcohol.

More importantly, this episode was written by the dynamic duo of Garrett Lerner & Russel Friend, writers from House M.D, Roswell and Boston Public. I think they did a pretty good job, actually, so more of them please! Anyhow, enough about me and the zombies who live in the walls, let’s recap this bitch!

We open in the hallowed hallways of McKinley High School for Wayward Bois, where Gay Blaine’s offering Sam grocery cash. See, yesterday Gay Blaine was cutting through the cafeteria (shaves six seconds off his morning routine) when he saw something very suspicious going on…

oh my god they are hiding extra tater-tots back there

…what could it be?!!!

just adding a little kick to the meatloaf recipe

Just kidding, that screencap is from an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer I was watching yesterday where Buffy can hear everybody’s thoughts and she hears somebody plotting to kill the entire student body at lunch and it turns out to be the lunch lady. Um, where was I? Oh yes! Blaine caught Sam pilfering pasta from the caf.

look dude i’m sorry i forgot to bring the sexy eyemask, we’ll just have to improvise today’s sub/dom session

You think you liked Emma Stone in Easy A, just wait ’til you see Emma Stone in Easy-Mac!

to be honest these kinda remind me of piss christ

Gay Blaine’s admiring Sam’s edible interpretation of Lady Hummel when Tina bounces in to announce that Mr. Shue’s got a week-long case of The Flu and Glee Club’s cancelled.

Sam: “Hey uh, just curious. Are you gonna go over to his house and straddle him while he’s passed out and rub some ointment on his chest?”Tina: “That was a phase.”

and we both know blaine prefers body butter to vapo-rub any day

This situation thus introduces us to this week’s theme: GUILTY PLEASURES! Since it’s only “a few” weeks ’til The Supernatural Fantastic Worldwide Universehood Regional Celebration Contest of Song, Sam and Gay Blaine insist on holding Glee Club in spite of Mr. Shue’s bird flu. I hope Regionals are in Berkeley so Gay Blaine can sleep on my couch and we can talk about Klaine all night.

We are.. two wild and crazy guys!

Anyhoo, the children are lukewarm about this theme. “Unique knows no shame, baby,” says Unique. For example, Unique’s constantly referring to herself in third person, which a normal person would be ashamed of. Not Unique. Unique will talk about Unique in the third person all Unique wants.

and then i held both of her breasts in my hands and jiggled them around a little bit and they felt like ripe melons off a tree

This kicks off the evening’s first musical number, “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go,” an homage to perms, mini-skirts, jubilation, white shorts, scrunchies, white high-tops, yellow hot-pants, scrunchy socks and neon pocket-Ts.

can i get a whoop whoop

we’re caaaahrrazzzzyyy for coco puffs!

smells like teen spirit

Here’s the original version, by WHAM!, from 1984, starring George Michael as a spritely homo and Andrew Ridgeley as his straight best friend:

Here’s the Glee version, from 2013, starring Blaine Warbler as a spritely homo and Sam Evans as his straight best friend:

Cut to the hallowed hallways of McKinley High for Wayward Bitches, where Brittani tells Fake Quinn that everybody hates her because she’s mean and calls Marley fat, but because Fake Quinn is blonde and therefore has magical powers like turning Swedish, she should be on Fondue for Two.

but don’t worry, they hate finn way more

At Fondue For Two, the ponytailed blondes exchange banter about their guilty pleasures, like farting around old people. Also, Lord Tubbington’s guilty pleasure is Scientology.

and then i’ll show you my boobs and you’ll show me yours. c’mon, santana and i used to do it all the time.

The following exchange is a rare example of a conversation that appears to have been written by somebody who has interacted with an actual teenager within the last ten years. Not because they keep repeating “guilty pleasure” like it’s an actual game and not a stupid device established for this episode of mediocre television, but because of their familiarity with the Greatest Films Of The Era.

Brit-Brit: “Guilty pleasure. Bring it On.”Fake Quinn: “Guilty pleasure. Bring it on Again.”Brit-Brit: “Guilty Pleasure, Bring It On, All Or Nothing.”Fake Quinn: “Bring it On, In It To Win It.”Brit-Brit: “Bring It On, Fight to the Finish.”Fake Quinn: “That one’s horrible there’s no way you could like that.”

Then something super-wacky happens — we witness Tina Cohen-Chang viewing Fondue for Two on an actual computer! It exists! This show doesn’t take place in the Glee Blackhole of Nonsense, it’s a real thing a person is watching on a computer! I can barely contain my excitement! Possibly this has happened before, but if so, I forgot all about it!

Quiero lamberte hasta que te vengas en mi boca mil veces.

We then wrap our babies in soft towels, strap them to our backs with giant velcro belts, and trek across the wildnerness eating Astronaut Ice Cream until at last we arrive at an actual acting class at Fake Julliard in New York, New York.

and then, midway through my bowel movement, i noticed that wasn’t a toilet underneath me, but a butt-eating monster from the hellmouth

Finally! An accurate representation of actual acting classes! Like the kind where you unload your traumatic life experiences and secret shame in front of a room of your judgmental peers and then go win an Oscar.

and then i was like, oh my god, artie is rapping again

Regardless, we’re only here to listen to Kurt’s inner monologue, which’s that as a gay man, he’s got heaps of guilty pleasures, such as Powerhouse Women in TV marathons of Golden Girls, Murder She Wrote, Designing Women & Moonlighting. He also enjoys Sweatin’ to The Oldies with Richard Simmons, but I mean don’t we all. (Have you ever seen Richard Simmons’ David Letterman appearances? They’re the best.)

he knows richard simmons so well he doesn’t even need to face the television to follow along

Also, Kurt’s got a weird creepy boyfriend pillow he bought online while on Ambien. That used to happen to me all the time before I quit ambien in the fall of 2010, for example I purchased three nearly-identical denim mini-skirts from e-bay, a complicated 3-step set of tiny rubber bands which promised to close unsightly gaps between my front teeth in 90 days or less, and a machine that claimed to kill mice through radiation waves when you plug it into the wall. Don’t do drugs kids.

probably one of the least problematic things one could end up sleeping with because of ambien

Back in Lima, Ohio, birthplace of Phyllis Diller, Gay Blaine and Sam are hanging out in the locker room with all their bros when Sam pulls Gay Blaine aside to confess some important news:

Sam: “Lately I’ve been battling a really deep-seeded sense of shame about something in my life, and it’s a secret I’ve kept buried for as long as I can remember and I’ve been waiting to like, let it out and release this inner sin that’s tortured my insides.”Blaine: “Do you have feelings for me?”Sam: “What? No. Dude, come on-“

wait so, toby has just been working with A to protect spencer? are you sure?

Blaine: “Obvious- obviously I’m kidding. I’m just… trying to losen you up-”Sam: “It’s a million times worse than that.”

Sam likes Barry Manilow!!!! OMG!!! Yawn. Just like my grandmother!

omg the ex-lax just kicked in

Sam accidentally yells his confession, however, so all the spry young McKinley males overhear him, which must be SUPER embarrassing. I wish Gay Blaine had yelled, “AND HE MAKES MACARONI PORTRAITS OF EMMA STONE!!!” right afterwards. Remember when somebody threw rocks at Gay Blaine’s eyeballs? Lol.

Meanwhile or perhaps the next day in the hallowed hallways of McKinley High School For Wayward Feminists, the Angry Lesbians Of the Internet storm Fake Quinn and Brit-Brit, demanding they go public with their secret sex orgy parties or else confess Fake Quinn’s guilty pleasure.

marley saw the vampire behind buffy before anybody else on the scooby team knew what hit ‘em

they are remembering that time we went to the spice girls concert in new jersey and called stef and told her that haviland was hooking up with ginger spice in the backseat of cait’s mini-van and she believed us until the next morning and then was really mad at us

The ladies agree that they must do the Spice Girls, and Unique says that “this fierce black woman will be Scary Spice,” which inspires Fake Quinn to go…

besides people who say things like “nothing’s scarier than a girl with a penis”

Which inspires everybody else to go…

that wasn’t funny and this is awkward

Which inspires Brit-Brit to go…

cut that shit out, meow mix

Which inspires Fake Quinn to go…

i’m totally an ally i swear

And then…

no really seriously i promise right after this i’m going to read the best parts of “whipping girl” and subscribe to the transadvocate and transgriot on feedly and all the blogs because i know it’s my responsibility to educate myself and i know that i’m not acting like an ally and that even if i was i wouldn’t deserve a pat on the back just for being a decent person and i’m definitely gonna go into an empty classroom and unpack my cis white privilege for the rest of the day and i will never make another joke like this again

So basically what just happened is Fake Quinn made a transphobic joke… and got called out on it! (Or, more specifically: didn’t get laughs or complacency, as per ushe — compare this to Tina’s “angry inch” comment from three episodes ago, which I nobody on the show, let alone any TV critics, batted an eye at. Within the fucked-up universe of Glee where offensive racist, transphobic, homophobic, sexist and size-ist jokes are made (and unchecked) like clockwork, it almost seems like progress. What happened here was nobody feeding the troll (Fake Quinn), and hopefully it worked.) I expect a flying pig to crashland on my keyboard any minute now. Or who knows, maybe Santana will get a new girlfriend or something. Anything is possible at this point.

Riese is the 33-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York City, and now lives in The Bay Area. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are!

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43 Comments

If Rachel is going to start seeing older guys, does this mean she shall follow in Quinn’s footsteps? If so, then can we expect her to date a professor about twice her age, go to Jodie Foster’s clambake, then sleep with Santana about 6 episodes later?

I’m (pleasantly?) surprised that Glee didn’t sell-out and actually showed some decent morality in their rebuke for Chris Brown. Too bad they can’t recognize the misogyny of their own fucking show though.

(Also: Geyerdean: “Not everybody has doting daddies to pay their bills.” I swear I had to read this 4 times to realize he wasn’t referring to Sugar Daddies)

I actually really liked this episode until I read the hulu comments [TW for abuse apologists]:

“Jake (aka New Puck) deserved an apology from the girls; it was guilty pleasure music so he shouldn’t have been judged.”

“Chris Brown was so young & he made a mistake and that’s not an excuse but still.”

“he’s apologized, let the man make money for his music.”

“rihanna posts pictures of herself smoking weed on twitter & she’s an abuse enabler & they still cover her music”

“i agree with New Puck that you should separate the art from the artist.”

“tons of celebrities do drugs & Glee still covers their music.”

Lesson learned: don’t read the comments.
Other lesson learned: ew ew ew ew so many abuse apologists watching Glee. Also one of these abuse apologists supposedly works at Disney. DISNEY. THEY MAKE MOVIES FOR CHILDREN.

You know in that whole Chris Brown discussion, which was really intense, I was so happily surprised by how informed it was. They even brought up his tattoo which was/is super controversial (my take– whatever Chris Brown says it is doesn’t matter, it LOOKS like a battered woman and based on his past, that alone means if he was at all sorry for what happened he wouldn’t get it) AND they brought up the Frank Ocean fight. I mean, ok, yes, Frank Ocean is way popular and amazing and award-winning so it makes sense just on that level but that fight was very publicly about Chris Brown calling Frank Ocean the f-word. So though it seemed a little strange to come from Kitty, I was happy it was mentioned as he has had plenty of other public feuds they could have raised instead (doesn’t he have one with Drake too?). So– points to Glee on that one.

Never go to hulu or youtube for comments on Glee. Go to autostraddle or avclub maybe (they have the most entertaining comments section of anything). I’m on the fence about afterellen bec the recap is entertaining,but the comments sometimes turn into really passionate shipper discussions. hahah!

I’m happy you liked this episode, Riese– I think I now vicariously like it. Or maybe you just somehow persuaded me. I realllly did not like it last week but I was really stuck on the negatives of what you viewed as positives– I thought the scene in the hallway with Kitty’s “girl with a penis” comment was atrocious. I didn’t feel like she got called out at all. I loved the Chris Brown discussion but felt the Bobby Brown song was a cop-out (though, of course, that song is totes bomb– but of course that then led to me thinking too much about artists and their art and who they are as role models, ad nauseum). I can’t even talk about how much I loved the Spice Girls segment (though I was also at the theatre opening weekend for the movie with my college besties and a huge bin of buttered popcorn, combining 2 of the guiltiest of pleasures). I thought the wrapping up of Brody’s storyline was ok, like you wrote– not as bad as I thought it would be. Blaine’s cover of “Take a Look at Me Now” was breathtaking (sadly, I did not know that anyone didn’t know that was not originally by the Postal Service, I love that cover but loved the original when I was a kid too). But I thought the storyline of him and Sam was meh. It was always strained (typical Glee) and not very interesting so while I am happy it led to such a lovely song from Blaine to Sam, it was otherwise just — boring. (and really? the “what’s in your pocket?” schtick is sooo done).

Anyhow, that was way more thoughts than I even knew I had about this episode! Thanks as always for the recap– and thanks for pointing out the happier/funnier moments to me again. At least, I thank you now and just hope I don’t somehow end up getting even more hooked on The Glee because of your excellent recaps (jkjk!). I am forever co-dependent with Glee. I have no one to blame but myself. And Klaine.

yeah i know what you mean that she wasn’t actually “called out” but honestly in my experience what happened there is representative of how younger people change their behavior in the real world. on tv people yell at each other a lot, and also on the internet, for sure, and those monologues and smackdowns are really epic and stuff — but in real life when you fully ‘call somebody out’ by explaining everything they’re wrong about, that person just gets defensive, and inevitably somebody else will side with them, and then all these differences build up between different sides, and then they’re too busy being bitter and close-minded to realize what bigots they are. but if you’re a person who thrives on attention — you want people to either be furious at you and getting all worked up over something you’re not even all that invested in (a common trolling instinct) or you want people to be entertained, to laugh. so when you tell a transphobic joke and nobody lectures you and nobody laughs, then what’s the point? she can’t get a rise out of anybody. she already knows she’s wrong at this point, that’s been established. don’t feed the trolls: real life edition. also nobody gets called out for anything on this show, and every week they say horrifically offensive things about all kinds of people but i usually leave the rest of it out, but i try to cover the trans* stuff. so it’s a miracle anybody ever responds negatively to anybody’s racism, homophobia, sexism, sizeism, etc.

and yeah, the is-that-a-thing-in-your-pocket i wanted to pretend like that never happened and i had nothing to say about it. this show is just so weird!

i mean, at least that’s what i saw. but if i’m totally misreading this as a cisgender human prone to making mistakes, i welcome corrections!

I was too busy screaming “She did NOT just SAY THAT!” at my television to hear Kitty being called out for that comment. But knowing she was, even if it was really subtle, makes me feel MARGINALLY better about this show.

That’ll probably turn to shit next week though when we find out it was Unique “catfishing” Ryder. Blech.

yeah my jaw dropped and i immediately expected it to go un-checked, so when everybody scowled and brittany, who is usually too stupid to ever know what’s going on and usually thinks unique is mercedes, actually pushed her, inspiring kitty to take it back (which as far as i can tell, has never happened before). i was so pleasantly surprised that i possibly read it as being more positive than it was.

i think what i thought was at least halfway-decent about this is that it wasn’t done in the typical style where glee says something obnoxiously offensive but So! Clever! and if anybody even reacts negatively to it, the offensive joke remains the source of humor. but here i felt like we were supposed to be laughing at kitty for flopping her “joke” so hard, not unique, especially since kitty’s joke wasn’t clever or funny or really anything besides one of the easiest and also worst things you can say ever.

i cannot handle the idea of unique catfishing ryder (as discussed), that is crazytalk bullshit

you’re def right– it’s context for sure. that’s always the problem with glee– what it is in the context of society and tv right now is still far more progressive than a lot of shows. like, i loved when you very simply stated in one of your recaps (i think it was the diva episode) that there was a bisexual woman, trans woman, and gay men singing together. that’s crazy unheard-of anywhere else.

but it’s also what makes it so infuriating. sometimes it feels like they are going for quantity over quality. it could be so good that i want it to be perfect!! which is impossible, i know, unless it was written by us

I honestly don’t get why Santana would fly Finn out to hit Geyerdean. I think it would have been much more in character for her to be all “this is for hurting my friend, fucking stop it”, and then punching him herself.

also i know this show has no relationship whatsoever with reality, but for real it costs like $300 to fly from columbus to new york on a good day, and a last-minute flight, and he would go all the way out there and not even see rachel? or his BROTHER? that’s completely fucking insane. he just got fired. this show is nonsense.

First of all, I LOVE that Santana’s lesbo cuddlepuppet is wearing plaid. How apropos.

But really, Glee, you need to stop with this thing where you think it’s okay to make really offensive jokes as long as you cover it up by having another character say “Hey, that’s really offensive!” right after. It almost feels like the writers still want to make their awful jokes but are using other characters to cover their asses. It’s cowardly and backhanded and quite frankly I’m sick of it.

… but I come back every week for summa dat Santana Lopez and those atrociously adorable teenybopper dance moves. Dammit, Glee, I wish I could quit you…

I thought this was a winner recap the minute you referenced BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER! Awesomest TV show ever! Ah, Sunnydale – remember when it was just such a bidet of evil?

Strangely enough I actually watched this show. Twice.

I can’t even explain why I liked it. Probably partly because it referenced TV shows I grew up with – yes, even Small Wonder. I used to watch Golden Girls, Designing Women and Facts of Life. I liked the old music as well – but I prefer the original Phil Collins version, and it seemed a bit out of place, as you mentioned, being sung to Sam when it’s clearly for Kurt. Also, I’m kind of sick and tired of Blaine SINGING all the time, when I could hear Santana sing all the time instead. Don’t be hatin’. I didn’t like the Creep version or the Spice Girls version, BUT! I actually enjoyed the campiness and cheesiness of it. I have a soft spot for Spice Girls – I love, love, love em, and I love Posh and Scary, so! And of course, one can never go wrong with Abba – one of our hobbies during our parties used to be watching Abba videos, so that was a whole lot of fun! So yeah, I just realized I am the target demo of this show! hahaha!

Overall, I had fun, and I don’t know why – probs bec I just pretended maybe that some parts weren’t said or did not exist at all – like Geyerdean, or that white Glee Project winner. And that discussion about Chris Brown/Bobby Brown – I didn’t know what to think of that, but yeah, it’s Glee, and I guess it was better than when they tried to handle somebody being forcibly outed or a white cis guy being an asshat about a transgender teen? So yeah.

But I think it was also because the NYC scenes were FUN, and we got to see Santana, Rachel and Kurt being friends. Now, if only Santana and Rachel would hook, I’d be happy! hahaha! And Blaine and Sam as friends – that was nice, too. The Wham! and Barry Manilow covers were just entertaining, too.

Also, Marley as Posh with a passable Brit accent, so hot. Fake Quinn actually interesting. And Jacob can dance! Please let him sing and dance more. More than Blaine please.

How come you never make comments about Unique in a sexual way? I’m pretty sure you’ve had all the other female characters having sex with Santana or each other in your comments (like Kitty in this one) but never Unique. She’s a sexual woman too!

I don’t think it has to do with her transgenderism, I think it has to do with traditional attractiveness. It’s the hard truth but a lot of us don’t find her as attractive. Just like the recaps never talk about Dot Marie Jones, Mercedes, or Tina in sexual ways. I don’t think her being trans* or cross dressing (not sure if she identifies as trans* or not) has to do with it. Don’t misconstrue/ misrepresent that

mmm… i’d argue that the show very blatantly doesn’t put those characters in situations that lend themselves to innuendo-based screencaps, or to any lesbian innuendo at all. as for why that is… well glee is pretty special like that. also, i totally make/made sexual comments about tina and mercedes! i don’t really go there with the adult characters, but arguably dot marie jones is closer to “my type” than anyone else on the program. (and personally i’m more physically attracted to Tina than any other teenaged character on the show besides maybe Santana sometimes, so there’s that.)

i mentioned once that i wasn’t really attracted to dianna agron and all hell broke loose, but i know people are into the idea of her/rachel/etc., so i play to that.

i actually commented last week that the show refuses to sexualize unique in any way or give her a romantic storyline and everybody commented back that it was better that way because they’d undoubtedly fuck it up… anyhow, unique is a pretty new character and she doesn’t get a lot of screen time or lines and also most of her lines/scenes have been about her gender identity, which’s not always the most appropriate time to make a sexual joke. who gets lesbian innuendo captions is based solely on who appears in screencaps that lend themselves to that and whether or not i can think of a better joke or not. anyhow, unique is in a few ‘caps this recap with sexual captions, sidenote. also i don’t think i’ve made comments like that about every female character on this show, i’ve been using more innuendo the last few recaps than ever before because i am running out of other jokes to make.

i mean i know that you’re implying that i don’t see her as sexual because she’s trans*. i guess it’s definitely possible that i would be more careful with sex-related jokes around unique because innuendo with a straight female could be misinterpreted as me denying unique’s femaleness rather than what it would actually be, which is lesbian innuendo? ppl tend to take my words out of context and assume the worst where trans* things are concerned so i try really hard to minimize those opportunities. also she’s not been clear about her sexual orientation yet, and i don’t want to make any assumptions about that, either.

“ppl tend to take my words out of context and assume the worst where trans* things are concerned so i try really hard to minimize those opportunities.”

Hm… seems like you’re deflecting accountability here. People probably “assume the worst” when it comes to you talking about trans people because they’ve seen the transphobic things you’ve regularly said in the past. I also think it’s interesting that you’re more concerned with avoiding getting called out than you are with actually not saying transphobic things.

She may not have declared her sexual orientation, but you do make lesbian/girl-on-girl jokes and references about Marley, Kitty, and Rachel, who have both only been portrayed in relationships with women. (Just pointing it out).

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