Sweet Things for Your SWEET Things

Lovers' guide to edibles

This week’s issue hits the stands on my birthday, but that’s neither here nor there. It’s also Valentine’s Day, the national holiday for love and romance, and pathetic, ill-fated attempts toward that end. (But enough about me already, LOL.) Interestingly, this will be the first V-Day in which medical marijuana and its variants are legally and actually available here in Florida; this time last year, most dispensaries were still in developmental stages, and distribution chains weren’t yet streamlined.

Marijuana is widely touted as an aphrodisiac, but so is tap water, if you’re in the right mood. If you have a spouse, a partner, a crush or just a sad single friend who needs cheering up, there is now a vast variety of options within just a few minutes’ drive of wherever your personal love shack happens to be. Lovers of love will love the many choices of edible reeferish yum-yums on today’s commercial scene, but be careful. This stuff is to regular candy as bondage gear is to lingerie. Here are some handy tips to consider as you make your frantic fun-runs today.

The THC in pot is released through “decarboxylation.” The stuff is heated to around 200°F and left to simmer for about a half-hour, which is just about the time it takes to convince your wife that you’re not going to poison her with that smelly crap bubbling on the stove. It can be cooked in a sugar solution, like for making lollies, gummies, taffy and edible body paint, but for best results, you want fats, because THC molecules bond most effectively to fats, milk fats in particular. Get high-quality butter, or make your own if you’re a freak like that; it’s really easy, and a very useful skill to cultivate. (You can have the kids make the butter, right before you send them to Grandma’s.) It stores well in the fridge, and has almost limitless options—not just for dessert. I’m thinking shrimp scampi, mashed potatoes, or dabbing on freshly grilled steak or salmon.

As far as sweets go, it’s a matter of taste. Herb butter, once made, can be incorporated into any standard puddings, brownies or cakes with about as much effort as it would take to drive to a store and buy it premade. Try mixing it with chocolate for fondue or just pour it all over each other. (No one’s judging.) Cooking together is always a fun bonding activity, and educational, to boot. If all goes well, note that there’s a whole line of weed-based lubricants available, too, but this is a family publication (whose family we’re not sure), so I’ll say no more. Good luck!