Monday, June 9, 2008

Damn These Ears!

Dear Jason Adair the Unlicensed TherapistWhat can one do when the sound of a loved one's voice is grating and unpleasant? The obvious answer is if you love someone, you aren't really concerned with the timbre of their voice. I really love this person, but the sound of their voice is like Freddy Krueger's glove on a chalk board. Am I being petty? Help!

--unnerved by tonality

Dear Unnerved,Relationships are tough enough, but when the timbre of a loved one's voice saying "I love you" is near unbearable, it just might be time to end the relationship. I don't usually advocate for break-ups, but this time I'll make an exception, because I have a hard time believing that anyone who would be using the analogy, "like Freddy Krueger's glove on a chalk board" deserves to have love in their life. Come on Unnerved, Nightmare on Elm Street came out twenty four years ago. I'm sure you could have come up with something more current and imaginative if you had just taken the time. It's that lack of caring that makes you an unresponsive and dull lover as well. That's conjecture of course, but since I have only five sentences and a fragment to draw my conclusions from it doesn't leave me with any other possibilities. Okay, maybe there's another, but it has to do with your own personal perceptions of what is grating and unpleasant. You currently see Freddy Krueger scraping his claw thingie on a chalk board as a negative. I think you can change that event into a positive with the following image:MEOW!!!!! How's that voice sounding with Sexy Freddy on the brain? Forget about being petty, it's time to party. And remember, it's not really cheating if you're thinking of some horror beauty while you're making time with your sweetie, unless she finds out.

1 comment:

Anonymous
said...

I think you made that one up just so you could use that photo! All you are is a big fat horny toad, just like the rest of em. What a disappointment. -ThomasinaP.S. I read Bill all the entries from People Who Hate Me while he was in bed and I was sitting at my desk in our room. We were laughing so hard that we were crying real tears and finally had to just stop since we were in physical pain from the guffawing. You know how at the end of the day sometimes you are just so damn tired and rummy and sometimes something hits you just right and you have a laugh riot? It was one of those awesome nights. Thanks for being so f-ing twisted Jason. -DW

My name is Jason Adair, and I am an Unlicensed Therapist. Not only am I totally unrecognized by any licensing board, I have absolutely no training in any therapeutic field. But I'm not going to let that hold me back in the "helping people" department. Nothing would make me happier than to hear all about your problems and dole out some sage wisdom concerning them. What's more, because I have no formal training, I'm offering theses services FOR FREE! So, if you're having a problem and don't have anyone to turn to, post it here and I'll do my best to help you work through it.No, Thank you,