Fall guy: Lou Vincent’s brutal honesty about his cheating past is refreshing in the light of the recent comments made by both Luis Suarez and Todd Carney

Todd Carney, the rugby league player from Australia sacked by his club for urinating in his own mouth, said of his actions: “It was gut-wrenching and it made me feel sick.”

Now, I know what you’re thinking: how do you…? Well, Google the pictures. You’ll work it out. Down Under mouth-p*****g is apparently A Thing, known as ‘bubbling’.

Alas, despite Carney being a rugby player and an Australian — two groups of people for whom I would have thought ‘bubbling’ was perfectly routine — his club, the Cronulla Sharks, were not amused. They gave him the boot and poor old Carney had to go on telly and apologise.

As sporting apologies go, it was a doozy. When Carney said “gut-wrenching” and “sick”, he was not referring to the metallic taste of his own wazz splashing on his lips and tongue. He was describing the horror he felt when he heard the picture had got on the internet.

“The boys have seen me muck around doing it before. I didn’t think there would be a photo taken in the public,” he said. In other words: I don’t really think I did anything bad. It’s just bloody irritating getting rumbled.

Carney’s story tickled me, since it coincided this week with two other lame-ass apologies issued by sportsmen who also didn’t really think they had done anything wrong but were forced to put their head in the stocks anyhow, so the world could chuck cabbages of supercilious disgust at them.

First was Arjen Robben, the World Cup’s best diver. Robben apologised for diving during the Netherlands v Mexico match on Sunday but then backtracked by saying that the dive he did wasn’t the one everyone said he did — that one wasn’t a dive, so he wasn’t sorry, but he was sorry for the one he did that was a bit of a dive, but as regards the other one, well, forget it. I have paraphrased his apology here but I think I have clarified it somewhat in the process.

Robben’s case is ridiculous. But it is not so ridiculous as the case of Luis Suarez. Suarez, as we all know, bit Giorgio Chiellini. Yes, he did. He bit him and then he pretended that his teeth had been attacked by Chiellini’s shoulder, which was the most hilariously rubbish bit of faking that has happened at a World Cup since Rivaldo’s face-clutching #fail against Turkey in 2002.

Since the bite, Suarez has been busy making lots of excuses. He argued that Chiellini used his shoulder to attack him in the teeth. Then he argued that he sort of fell tooth-first into Chiellini’s shoulder.

Finally, this week, Suarez came up with a half-confession: “My colleague Giorgio Chiellini suffered the physical result of a bite in the collision he suffered with me… I deeply regret what occurred. I apologise to Giorgio Chiellini and the entire football family… there will never again be another incident like [this].”

The important words here, I think, are “there will never again be…” Very clearly, Suarez’s apology is not about repentance. It is about business. It is hardly a secret that his transfer to Barcelona is underway — it is not unreasonable to assume that this deal might have been a factor in his uncharacteristic decision to apologise.

But look closer: even here, Suarez can’t resist weaselling. It is not “I bit Chiellini” but “Chiellini suffered the physical result of a bite.”

There’s a difference. One is “sorry I did wrong” and is fair enough. The other is “sorry I got caught”. One is “I am ashamed to have urinated into my own mouth”. The other is “I am annoyed that you lot saw me do it.”

Idiots. If you want a real apology, then weirdly, it’s better to turn to Lou Vincent, the New Zealand cricketer banned for life for match-fixing this week. “My name is Lou Vincent and I am a cheat,” he said. “I have shamed my country. I have shamed my sport. I have shamed those close to me. For that I am not proud.”

That’s the way to do it. Vincent did something far worse than anyone else forced to grovel this week. But at least he was eventually man enough to stand up and say it how it is. That, I think, counts for a lot.

Rafa conquerer is here to stay

There are always mourners when Rafa Nadal gets knocked out of Wimbledon but the cocksure, charismatic Nick Kyrgios was at least a worthier conqueror than Lukas Rosol (2012) and Steve Darcis (2013). Will Kyrgios (right) be around for the long term? A while back the great Aussie hope was Bernard Tomic — and now look. But it would be wonderful to see Kyrgios build on his stunning performances and join the club of players worth watching at every Grand Slam event.

Our favourite images from Wimbledon

Our favourite images from Wimbledon

1/93
Final destination

Novak Djokovic of Serbia celebrates during his Gentlemen's Singles semi-final match against Grigor Dimitrov of Bulgaria on day eleven of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club in London, England. (Picture: Clive Brunskill/Getty Images)

2/93
Splits step Grigor

Bulgaria's Grigor Dimitrov slides as he hits a return to Serbia's Novak Djokovic during their men's singles semi-final match on day 11 of the 2014 Wimbledon Championships at The All England Tennis Club in Wimbledon. (Picture: Carl Court/AFP/Getty Images

3/93
Feeling the heat on Centre Court

Novak Djokovic of Serbia sits with a towel on his head during his Gentlemen's Singles semi-final match against Grigor Dimitrov of Bulgaria on day eleven of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club on July 4, 2014 in London, England. (Photo by Clive Brunskill/Getty Images)

4/93
No Djoking around now

Novak Djokovic of Serbia plays a forehand return during his Gentlemen's Singles semi-final match against Grigor Dimitrov of Bulgaria on day eleven of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club in London, England. (Picture: Clive Brunskill/Getty Images)

5/93
Showtime!

Grigor Dimitrov of Bulgaria during his Gentlemen's Singles semi-final match against Novak Djokovic of Serbia on day eleven of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club in London, England. (Picture: by Jan Kruger/Getty Images)

6/93
Hello Maria!

Maria Sharapova of Russia. the girlfriend of Grigor Dimitrov watches his Gentlemen's Singles semi-final match against Novak Djokovic of Serbia on day eleven of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club in London, England. (Picture: Clive Brunskill/Getty Images)

7/93
Bradley Cooper and friends

Alice Suki Waterhouse, Bradley Cooper and Bear Grylls in the royal box for the Gentlemen's Singles semi-final match between Novak Djokovic of Serbia and Grigor Dimitrov of Bulgaria on day eleven of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club in London, England. (Picture: Clive Brunskill/Getty Images)

8/93
Wheelie Whiley

Jordanne Whiley of Great Britain (l) and Yui Kamiji of Japan during their Ladies' Wheelchair Doubles match against Katharina Kruger of Germany and Sharon Walraven of Netherlands on day eleven of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club on July 4, 2014 in London, England. (Photo by Jan Kruger/Getty Images)

9/93
Pretty in pink

Eugenie Bouchard of Canada during a practice session on day eleven of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club in London, England. (Picture: Dan Kitwood/Getty Images)

10/93
Sun soaked tennis fans

Fans soak up the sun on Murray Mount during day twelve of the Wimbledon Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, Wimbledon. (Picture: Gareth Fuller/PA)

11/93

Photographers line up to shoot a practice session on day eleven of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club in London, England. (Picture: Dan Kitwood/Getty Images)

12/93
Full house

Crowds are let into the grounds on day twelve of the Wimbledon Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, Wimbledon. (Picture:: John Walton/PA)

13/93
Blue skies above

General view of centre court as Simona Halep of Romania plays a forehand return during her Ladies' Singles semi-final match against Eugenie Bouchard of Canada on day ten of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club in London, England. (Picture by Al Bello/Getty Images)

14/93
Injury scare

Romania's Simona Halep holds her ankle during her match against Canada's Eugenie Bouchard during day eleven of the Wimbledon Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, Wimbledon. (Picture: Jonathan Brady/PA)

15/93
Eugenie goes green

Canada's Eugenie Bouchard returns during a training session ahead of her women's singles semi-final match against Romania's Simona Halep on day ten of the 2014 Wimbledon Championships at The All England Tennis Club in Wimbledon. (Picture: Andrew Cowie/AFP/Getty Images)

16/93
Cooling off

Tennis fans cool off during Day 10 of 'The Championships' at Wimbledon. (Picture: Cavan Pawson)

17/93
Serb stretching out

Novak Djokovic of Serbia during a practice session on day ten of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club in London, England. (Picture: Dan Kitwood/Getty Images)

18/93
A new hope

British junior Josh Sapwell celebrates a point during his 3rd match at Wimbledon. Sapwell won 6-1, 6-3 and secures a quarter final place in the Boy's singles. (Picture: Cavan Pawson)

19/93
A quick hair check

Eddie Redmayne and Hannah Bagshawe in the Royal Box on Centre Court during day eleven of the Wimbledon Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, Wimbledon.(Picture: John Walton/PA)

20/93
Kvit Kat

Czech Republic's Petra Kvitova in her semi final match against Czech Republic's Lucie Safarova during day eleven of the Wimbledon Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, Wimbledon. (Picture: John Walton/PA)

21/93
Mirrored reflection

Centre Court is reflected in the sunglasses of a spectator before the start of the women's singles semi-final matches on day ten of the 2014 Wimbledon Championships at The All England Tennis Club in Wimbledon. (Picture: Glyn Kirk/AFP/Getty Images)

22/93
Sun up in SW19

Fans on Murray Mound soak up the sun on day ten of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club in London, England. (Picture: Dan Kitwood/Getty Images)

23/93
Young guns

Milos Raonic of Canada shakes hands with Nick Kyrgios after their Gentlemen's Singles quarter-final match on day nine of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club at Wimbledon in London, England. (Picture: Clive Brunskill/Getty Images)

25/93
Making a racket

A detailed shot showing the tattoos on the arm of Stan Wawrinka of Switzerland as he prepares to serve during his Gentlemen's Singles quarter-final match against Roger Federer of Switzerland on day nine of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club at Wimbledon in London, England. (Picture: Jan Kruger/Getty Images)

26/93
Infrared Wimbledon

An infrared image of Great Britain's Julian Cash during his Boys' Singles first round match against Taylor Harry Fitz of the United States on day eight of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club in London, England. (Picture: Al Bello/Getty Images)

27/93
Grigor's smashing

Grigor Dimitrov of Bulgaria an overhead return during his Gentlemen's Singles quarter-final match against Andy Murray of Great Britain on day nine of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club at Wimbledon in London, England. (Picture: Jan Kruger/Getty Images)

28/93
Workiing up a sweat

Great Britain's Andy Murray wipes his face with his towel during a break in his match against Bulgaria's Grigor Dimitrov during day ten of the Wimbledon Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, Wimbledon. (Picture: Jonathan Brady/PA)

29/93
Master blaster

Croatia's Marin Cilic in action against Serbia's Novak Djokovic during day ten of the Wimbledon Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, Wimbledon. (Picture: Anthony Devlin/PA)

30/93
Out of the shadow

Eugenie Bouchard of Canada serves during her Ladies' Singles quarter-final match against Angelique Kerber of Germany on day nine of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club at Wimbledon. (Picture: Clive Brunskill/Getty Images)

31/93
Gritting your teeth

Germany's Angelique Kerber returns to Canada's Eugenie Bouchard during their women's singles quarter-final match on day nine of the 2014 Wimbledon Championships at The All England Tennis Club in Wimbledon. (Picture: Carl Court/AFP/Getty Images)

32/93
Royal arrival

Britain's Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge, and her husband Prince William, the Duke of Cambridge, arrive at Centre Court to watch matches on day nine of the 2014 Wimbledon Championships at The All England Tennis Club in Wimbledon. (Andrew Yates/AFP/Getty Images)

33/93
Lady in hot pink

Kim Sears arrives in the Players box before Great Britain's Andy Murray plays Bulgaria's Grigor Dimitrov during day ten of the Wimbledon Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, Wimbledon. (Picture: Jonathan Brady/PA)

34/93
Having a laugh

35/93
Legends from down under

"Aussie Legends" Rod Laver, John Newcombe, Ken Rosewall, Ashley Cooper and Neale Fraser on day nine of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club in London, England. (Picture: AELTC/Getty Images)

36/93
Rafa out

Rafael Nadal of Spain speaks during a press conference after losing his Gentlemen's Singles fourth round match against Nick Kyrgios of Australia on day eight of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club in London, England. (Picture: Scott Heavey/AELTC - Pool/Getty Images)

37/93
New kid on the block

Australia's Nick Kyrgios returns to Spain's Rafael Nadal during their men's singles fourth round match on day eight of the 2014 Wimbledon Championships at The All England Tennis Club in Wimbledon. (Picture: Carl Court/AFP/Getty Images)

38/93
No go Serena

Serena Williams of the United States has treatment during the warm up before their Ladies Doubles second round match with Venus Williams against Kristina Barrois of Germany and Stefanie Voegele of Switzerland on day eight of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club in London, England. (Picture: Jan Kruger/Getty Images)

39/93
Swan's SW19 Debut

Katie Swan of Great Britain during her Girls' Singles first round match against Ioana Loredana Rosca on day eight of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club in London, England. (Picture: Dan Kitwood/Getty Images)

40/93
Hot shot

Canada's Eugenie Bouchard hits a shot during a session on the practice courts on day eight of the 2014 Wimbledon Championships at The All England Tennis Club in Wimbledon. (Picture: Glyn Kirk/AFP/Getty Images

41/93
Fed flying

Roger Federer of Switzerland during his Gentlemen's Singles fourth round match against Tommy Robredo of Spain on day eight of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club in London, England. (Picture: Jan Kruger/Getty Images)

42/93
What's going on here?

Stan Wawrinka of Switzerland and Feliciano Lopez of Spain talk after their Gentlemen's Singles fourth round on day eight of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club in London, England. (Picture: Matthew Stockman/Getty Images)

43/93
Opera star

Katherine Jenkins sits in the Royal Box on Centre Court during day nine of the Wimbledon Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, Wimbledon. (Picture: Gareth Fuller/PA)

44/93
New clothes please

Kei Nishikori of Japan changes his shirt during his Gentlemen's Singles fourth round match against Milos Raonic of Canada on day eight of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club in London, England. (Picture: Clive Brunskill/Getty Images)

45/93

Maria Sharapova working out on court before her match against Angelique Kerber (Picture: Cavan Pawson)

47/93
Murray masterclass

Great Britain's Andy Murray in action against South Africa's Kevin Anderson during day eight of the Wimbledon Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, Wimbledon. (Picture: Anthony Devlin/PA)

48/93
Interesting reading

Chelsea pensioners sit on Centre Court during day eight of the Wimbledon Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, Wimbledon. (Picture: John Walton/PA)

49/93
Boulter time

Katie Boulter of Great Britain during her Girls' Singles first round match against Priscilla Hon of Australia on day seven of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club in London, England. (Picture: Al Bello/Getty Images)

50/93
Under the umbrella

Spectators continue to picnic as they brave the rain on Murray Mount during day eight of the Wimbledon Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, Wimbledon. (Pic: PA)

51/93
Sabine's leaves the court

Germany's Sabine Lisicki leaves the court in her match against Serbia's Ana Ivanovic as rain delays play (Pic: PA)

52/93
Flower power

A fan dressed as a flower court side as rain halts play on centre court (Pic: PA)

53/93
Nice view

A general view of Centre court as Alison Riske of the United States plays against Maria Sharapova of Russia in their Ladies' Singles third round match on day six of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club at Wimbledon in London, England. (Picture Al Bello/Getty Images)

54/93
Gunning for the title

Rafael Nadal of Spain celebrates during his Gentlemen's Singles third round match against Mikhail Kukushkin of Kazakhstan on day six of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club at Wimbledon in London, England. (Picture: Matthew Stockman/Getty Images)

55/93
Practice makes perfect

Caroline Wozniacki hits the practice courts (Picture: Cavan Pawson)

56/93
Marray not Murray

Great Britain's Jonathan Marray (right) and Australia's John-Patrick Smith in their doubles match against Colombia's Juan-Sebastian Cabal and Poland's Marcin Matowski during day five of the Wimbledon Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, Wimbledon. (Picture: Jonathan Brady/PA)

57/93
'Boom Boom' Boris

Boris Becker, coach of Novak Djokovic of Serbia watches his match against Gilles Simon of France match at the All England Lawn Tennis Championships in Wimbledon, London (Picture: Sang Tan/AP)

58/93
Hands up

Serena Williams of the United States in action during her Ladies' Singles second round match against Chanelle Scheepers of South Africa on day four of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club at Wimbledon in London, England. (Picture: Al Bello/Getty Images)

60/93
Gasquet on the stretch

61/93
Pippa's in the house

James and Pippa Middleton attend Wimbledon on day four of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club at Wimbledon in London, England. (Picture: Jan Kruger/Getty Images)

62/93
Big hitting Kohlschreiber

Philipp Kohlschreiber of Germany in action during his Gentlemen's Singles second round match against Simone Bolelli of Italy on day four of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club at Wimbledon in London, England. (Picture: Dan Kitwood/Getty Images)

63/93
Murray-Mania

Crowds on Murray Mount watch Andy Murray playing on the big screen on day three of the Wimbledon Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, Wimbledon. (Picture: Philip Toscano/PA)

64/93
Murray arrives for training

65/93
Murray's mint

Fans of Andy Murray gather on 'Murray Mount' to sit in the sunshine and watch the Gentlemen's Singles second round match between Andy Murray of Great Britain and Blaz Rola of Slovenia on day three (Photo by Dan Kitwood/Getty Images)

66/93
Fans wait

Fans waiting outside the practice courts for players autographs on day four of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club at Wimbledon in London, England. (Picture: Dan Kitwood/Getty Images)

68/93
Lisicki work-out

69/93
On the line

The grass courts are prepared prior to matches on day two (Picture: Dan Kitwood/Getty Images)

70/93
Shadow on court

The shadow of Tunisia's Malek Jaziri serving against France's Gael Monfils during their men's singles first round match on day two of the 2014 Wimbledon Championships at The All England Tennis Club in Wimbledon. (Picture: Glyn Kirk/AFP/Getty Images

71/93
In the queue

Spectators queuing for tickets during day two Picture: Philip Toscano/PA Wire)

83/93
Wimbledon 2014 - Day 1

84/93
Wimbledon 2014 - Day 1

Novak Djokovic of Serbia signs autographs before a practice session on day one of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club at Wimbledon on June 23, 2014 in London, England. (Photo by Dan Kitwood/Getty Images)

85/93
Wimbledon 2014 - Day 1

Laura Fraser, 19, waits in the queue on day one of the 2014 championship
(Picture: Alex Lentati)

91/93
Wimbledon 2014 - Day 1

92/93
Wimbledon 2014 - Day 1

Orla Galligan, Sinead Francis and Ciara Lang (Picture: Alex Lentati)

93/93
Wimbledon 2014 - Day 1

Fans arrive at Wimbledon.
(Picture: Alex Lentati)

Danny makes all the Ron moves

I don’t want anyone — least of all the man concerned — to take this the wrong way but isn’t Danny Murphy sounding quite a lot like, um, Ron Atkinson? This may have been a phenomenon that has been going on all World Cup but it only came to my attention on Tuesday night during Belgium v USA. It was like entering a worm hole back to mid-1990s. An interesting experience but not one that I’m awfully sure I want to repeat.

Troll Pietersen feasts on Cook

“Until this season I do not remember us even coming close to losing the early summer Test series”…“the youngsters are carrying some of the senior players at the moment”… “it looked as if Peter Moores and Alastair Cook (right) were scared of losing their first Test in charge.” I know it’s wrong but reading Kevin Pietersen’s newspaper column is like a scab I can’t stop picking. If England keep on feeding their greatest troll with muddled and timid displays, it’s going to be a long summer.

Atmosphere will be electric

As a proud Battersea man, I am thrilled to see that the first London Formula E ePrix is coming to Battersea Park next year. Far better this than the hassle of having the whole of London brought to gridlock to host the glitzier Formula One race that has been discussed so often over the years. An ePrix is a coup for those of us who live in this part of town — and I’ll be sitting on top of the peace pagoda cheering them on next June. Nice one.