All throughout the month of March, mindfulness guru Dani DiPirro—who teaches the art of urban zen online at Positively Present—will serve up tips guaranteed to de-stress your hectic life.

As you probably know, mindfulness can improve your relationship with yourself, allowing you to be more aware of how you're feeling and reacting. But did you know that mindfulness can also significantly improve your relationships with others? 'Cause it can.

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Here's the thing: When it comes to relationships, both romantic and otherwise, we often operate on autopilot. We tend to assume that what's worked in the past (in this relationship or in previous ones) will work in the present. But each person and situation is unique, and past reactions or habits don't always mesh well with the present moment. This is why it's so important to cultivate mindfulness in your relationship. The more you stay in the moment—during the good times and the bad times—the more you'll be able to make the most of the relationship. A 2013 study published in Psychoneuroendocrinology looked closely at how difficult discussion impacts cortisol (stress hormone) response and how both genders can use mindfulness to respond more skillfully to conflicts.

Mindfulness in relationships, however, can be difficult. Sometimes we've grown so used to our habits that we aren't even aware of them. Or, if we are aware of them, we might be so comfortable with them that we don't want to change them (even if they're making a relationship difficult). This is how some people can be addicted to drama, even as they complain about how much they hate it in their lives.

In the past, I struggled to stay mindful in my relationships. I often worried about where the relationship would go or found myself ruminating about past situations. In order to combat the mind games I played with myself, I came up with the T.A.P. Method. Inspired by Byron Katie's book Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life, I came up with three things to look for when dealing with the thoughts you might have about a relationship:

IS IT TRUE?

The first question is the most important one to ponder when you have a thought about your relationship. Is the thought you're having 100% absolutely true? For example, it might really feel like your partner doesn't like your family, but do you know that's absolutely true? Is there any chance that there might have been another reason for his quiet demeanor at the family dinner? When you question the validity of a thought, you might find that it's not necessarily true. For instance, in this example, you might ask your partner, 'Was something bothering you at dinner tonight?' instead of your initial reaction, which might have been, 'Why do you hate my family?'

IS IT ADDING SOMETHING?

Let's say you're the one stressing out. Your thought is: I'm incredibly nervous about meeting my new partner's friends because I don't feel comfortable meeting new people. That thought might, in fact, be true, but is it adding anything to your mental, emotional, or physical state? Is it adding value to your new relationship? No. In fact, it's probably increasing your stress level, which might be negatively impacting how you interact with your partner. You can't necessarily change how you feel—if you're nervous, you're nervous—but you can change how you think about the situation. For example, in this case you might try thinking this instead: I'm nervous about meeting my partner's friends, but I've been in this situation before and it was fine. It won't be my favorite, but I'll do the best I can. This kind of thinking adds value. It encourages you, reminds you that you'll make it through an awkward situation just fine, and it allows you to focus on what's happening in the present instead of worrying about a hypothetical that's out of your control.

IS IT POSITIVE?

If you've found that a thought is both true and adding something, it's time to question whether or not the thought is positive. Let's use this thought as an example: I'm afraid my partner and my parents won't get along because they have different political views, so I better do my best to steer all conversations away from politics when they meet. Okay, let's say this is true, and let's say you believe this thought adds value. It's now time to ask: Is it positive? Nope. While it's not a bad thing to be mentally prepared for what could go wrong in this situation, it might be more useful to focus on what could go right. For example, what do both sides have in common? (A love of you, for one!) What might you talk about instead of politics? Or what if you did talk about politics and, despite the differences, the conversation was interesting and engaging? A negative thought such as the one used in this example can translate into negative words or actions, which is why it's important to challenge the negative thoughts and replace them with those that will positively impact your relationship.

Using the T.A.P. Method brings you into the present moment of your thoughts and encourages you to really think about the message that's behind them. As humans with incredibly complex brains, we analyze situations and attempt to relate them to things we've heard about or previously experienced. This analysis can often be a good thing, but analytical thinking can also take away from experiencing, and fully understanding, the present. However, when you're mindful of your thoughts (and you make use of the T.A.P. Method), you become much more aware of what's happening in the moment and you limit the amount of assumptions you place on the words and actions of others. Mindfulness doesn't change how things are, but it does change how you see them, which can have a huge impact on how you live in the current moment.