Spring is a stressful time for couples. Not just because your Valentine's Day argument is still simmering, but because so many holiday brochures are composting on your doormat that one of you thinks the other is having a fling with the postie.

But if the joy of booking a romantic trip is marred by the ridiculous snaps of your last holiday - "my index finger enjoying a cocktail at the Casa Romantica", "my index finger paragliding", or, most Hammer House of all, "extreme close up of left eye" - it is time to go online and brush up your photography skills.

If, like me, you don't know your ISO from your f-stop, visit the all-singing, all-dancing Photo.net. It has an excellent, unpatronising tutorial that takes the beginner in a natural progression toward understanding the intermeshing of light, lens and exposure. And it caters for the anorak. There is also a useful tutorial the Kodak. The how-to section at Photography.about.com may also clear up a few questions.

Of course, what camera you buy will depend on why you want it. The simple point-and-shoots are fine for holidays, but if your thirst for snapping becomes more than just shooting granny on her birthday, then inspire yourself with the galleries Zonezero.com.

As with all art forms, photography lets you be as pretentious as you like. "The family at Corfe" may be more suitable to show at dinner parties than "Calf-liver on Breeze Block" but not as much fun to arrange. Look at pictures and collages by Joel-Peter Witkin on the site and you realise that nothing you can possibly do will be in poor taste.

So, you've got the knowledge and the desire, now you need the equipment. Should you go digital? Don't be put off by the fact that the subjects of all digital portraits you have seen appear to suffer from rosacea. This is not normal, and www.shortcourses.com will show you how to minimise this. And there is a useful downloadable digital dictionary at www.steves-digicams.com

If you swing the other way, you may be caught in the crossfire of "my SLR is bigger/faster/better than yours" in the Usenet groups' battles. Canon v Nikon will run and run, although everybody knows that Nikons smell nicer. For any sort of camera, try the advice at Photographyreview.com. Photographyreview.com

Should you specialise? People or wildlife? It is easier to force a smile from your baby than glue an otter to a log. But even portraits have their sticky moments. Avoid these by reading the tips at STNphotography.com, which gives creative advice on how to take flattering pictures of your friends' multi-storey chins, walloping ears and/or unfortunate noses.

For some, photography has much to do about people with no clothes on, whether it is the lurid shot of a bird on a motorbike on the cover of a photography magazine, or the glamour (read porn) of page three girls, or the questionable nudes of a Mapplethorpe.

Now, I am not a prude. Bodies are great, and useful to have. But a nice picture of a bare person is hard to find. If you like a challenge, and can bribe your wife/neighbour to pose in the buff, adapt the advice at Bernardofhollywood.com. To a woman, the photography culture can sometimes feel overbloked. Escape the testosterone by visiting Womeninphotography.org.

If your attempt at people photography flopped, perhaps you should turn your attention to animals. Practise on Tiddles or Mopsy using the advice www.PhotographyTips.com. For the more adventurous, try bagging a shot of a lioness on the Serengeti by booking a holiday through www.wildlifeworldwide.com. You may improve your chances of winning the BG Photographer of the Year if you check out Andy Rouse's site at www.andyrouse.co.uk.

Of course, you may be a person who prefers process over product. Sometimes there is nothing better than contracting dermatitis in the privacy of your own darkroom. But a darkroom is more than just your downstairs lavvy with the lights off and a strong lock. Check out the hints in the darkroom category at Photostart.net.

Despite all this swotting, there will be some of us who still turn out utter rubbish. Don't despair: cheat. Sell your camera and wait for blue cross day at www.theartgallery.com.au or www.photospaceimages.com. We are all talented at something. David Bailey may be a better photographer than me, but I bet his muffins flop.