According to 101 Tips for a Happier Marriage: Simple Ways for Couples to Grow Closer to God and to Each Other, relationships can get better through the power of one.

The authors’ point is that someone has to go first. Be the first to show love, to forgive, to give a compliment and to express gratitude.

Jennifer Morse is an author, marriage and family scholar and founder and president of the Ruth Institute, a project devoted to marriage. Betsy Kerekes blogs at Parenting Is Funny and writes for the Ruth Institute’s blog and newsletters. Together, they compiled 101 ways to improve a marriage with or without spousal participation.

"Get a few things straight," they write. "Love is a decision, not a feeling." True love, they explain, wants what is best for another. Find ways to fall in love again and again, but do not feel cheated when the warm fuzzy feelings fade, because, after all, that is not all there is to love.

Each of the book’s tips is part suggestion and part inspiration. They are no-nonsense, practical and completely doable, regardless of whether someone is a newlywed or celebrating a 50th wedding anniversary.

Many of the suggestions are about being realistic. "Only God is perfect," they write, "so don’t expect perfection in your spouse." And while you are at it, they say not to expect perfection in yourself either.

Yet the only one you can really change is yourself.

"If there is one thing you can control in your relationship," Kerekes and Morse write, "it’s how you react to the things that happen around you."

Perspective is key, too, they note: "When you think things are rough for you, ponder the passion of Christ and gain some perspective. Then rely on the Lord to help you."

The authors remind people that there are three people in a marriage: the husband, the wife and God.

The very last — and best — tip is to pray every day for your marriage: "The sacrament of marriage gives you the grace you need to keep the love alive, but asking for assistance daily certainly helps."

The statement above, that the only one you can really change is yourself, seems to be a popular idea lately, but if we look at Christian history, what was accomplished by the saints, religious and lay people alike, we see a different picture, quite a different statement being made. In fact, Jesus came to change our way of thinking and acting, and what did He say to us before He ascended into heaven?

Posted by Kim on Sunday, Feb, 9, 2014 6:30 PM (EST):

So incredibly true that it is up to the spouse to make the decision to change. Through prayer and sacrifice God will work to make the marriage beautiful and loving again.

Posted by colleen matthewson on Sunday, Feb, 9, 2014 11:57 AM (EST):

This would make a nice wedding gift or be part of marriage classes.

Posted by Nellie Edwards on Sunday, Feb, 9, 2014 2:02 AM (EST):

Great review! Sounds like a much needed practical book, to help equip spouses to truly love.

Posted by Theresa H on Saturday, Feb, 8, 2014 7:49 PM (EST):

The power of one is a no-brainer in the sense that, between the “Two who have become one flesh,” one or the other has to take appropriate initiative in any given situation!

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