How are you? I hope you are fine. Thank you for parsing me. You are a great teacher yourself.

About the friend I was texting to, unfortunately, I cannot share her/his name here. Maybe, s/he doesn't agree to have her/his name shared in this place. I am sure, you are a wise lady. You can take a guess quite easily. S/he has been absent from this thread for a long time. I was missed for him/her. I hope to read his/her wonderful, full of emotions and energetic posts soon. I hope so!

That's ok. dear brother.I'm good at guessing but this time I can't guess his/her name:) it doesn't matter .You are always kind to your friends.Behnam you have a golden heart.I wonder how such a golden heart pumps blood into your vessels. Hearts are supposed to be made of meat, but yours is made of gold!bye for now....miss you :)

Your comments make me happy. You are very kind and friendly. I am proud of having a sister like you. Thank you very much for posting your friendly posts in this thread.

The price of gold is decreasing radically in Iran. I wish my heart was made of something more valuable than gold. What could it be? I don't know! What's the most valuable thing in the world? I guess this varies from person to person. For me, the most valuable thing in the world is satisfying God! What is your most valuable things?

I was reading a report in a daily newspaper which was focusing on the causes of divorce in some countries(my country was included). Statistics show that the rate of divorce is increasing and the rate of marriage is decreasing in some countries. Experts have their own views on the causes and these issues have being discussed for a long time. As a matter of fact, the rate of registered divorces is high, but in reality it is higher than what is going on in the societies. A new phenomenon- Emotional Divorce-is not considered in statistics! What does it mean? It means that there are many officially married couples; living under the same roof, but haven't got any emotional involvements with each other! These couples are tolerating each other. They are actually not living. In some cases, despite having serious problems, couples tolerate each other because they have got children. They don't want their children to grow up in a single-parent family! However, some couples are emotionally divorced, whereas they haven't got any children! Unfortunately, this type of marriage is common among educated couples!!! Why?

This is a strange thing. There are limited sources to see and gather data about this phenomenon. It is hard to dig this issue more, because you cannot ask people to share their personal things, like in-bed quality, with others! How silly it would be, or what would you receive in response if you asked someone if s/he made love regularly and normally or not? You might receive a punch in the stomach. Don't try it!

Fortunately, for a basic primary study, you don't need to ask couples about their private lives. Although it is quite impossible to go to Mars and experience living there, scientists apply universal rules and guess how life could be on other planets. Similarly, you may not know what is going on among 'Emotionally Divorced' couples, but you can guess what is not going on!

One of the not-going-on things is conversation. They don't know how to talk with each other. They are both educated, but they don't know how to talk with each other! This is unbelievable, but we have to believe it!

Many people don't know how to make a constructive conversation. They lack the art of conversation. They speak; put words together and build sentences, but they don't understand the language of each other! Don't get me wrong! They are both from the same country and their mother tongue is the same! Why? Maybe, they don't listen to each other. Maybe their ears are closed!

In some aspects, conversation is similar to house-building. We have to make a strong foundation first, then put bricks on each other, using cement among them to keep them fixed, ...! Putting bricks with different shapes on each other without using cement result in nothing! You will finally have a pile of ruin! It is neither brick, nor cement! They are inseparable, worse than the initial states they had!

We should respect diplomacy. We should learn how to talk. Talking is different from barking! We need to talk wisely! Who am I writing to? Believe me, I am writing these things without thinking about someone. This is one of our serious everyday problems in this modern world with New Phenomena!

I have to leave right now. I have no time to check the mistakes and to correct them. So sorry!

I read your post about report in the newspaper which focusing on divorce. In fact, I think these days the divorce is increasing because both men and women become independent and both of them have their interests which are different from each other. Therefore, they lose the communication. Above that, nowadays, everything is changing, men are changing and women are changing. The value of morality and loyalty has changed too. So it's normal to see such marriages and divorces!

Dear, How is your marriage? Or maybe, I shouldn't ask! I maybe receive a punch in the stomach!

Your suggestion about going to that lady's home is tempting, especially for me, because my wife from time to time stays at her mother's home and some nights I am alone until the morning like tonight. Also that lady is a special case, she lost her husband in a car accident few years ago and now she is single. it is difficult for a married woman to continue her life singly. I think it is my duty to help her ,for seeking of God I should help her and save her from depression. At first when I read your suggestion, my judge was unfair; I told myself that Behnam is one the Satan's soldier. But tonight I changed my mind, you are right, I am alone tonight and she is alone at her house. I will call her and make a decision whether she comes to my house or I go to her house. You know that there is a difference between having a visit with a woman and a girl. The girls should have permission from her parents,but woman doesn't need. I am talking about Islamic limits. As I told you she is special case. I can visit her without making sin and consider that I may save her from deviation ,I receive reward from God.

Now I am sinking in my thoughts ,your enticing suggestion. I can't focus on anything else. I read you detail description about divorce. Thank you , you right it excellently. But I didn't get a part of it "A new phenomenon- Emotional Divorce-is not considered in statistics! What does it mean? It means that there are many officially married couples; living under the same roof, but haven't got any emotional involvements with each other!"

What is emotional divorce , and why when it doesn't consider in statistics , it means that registered married couples haven't got emotional involvements?

I was in Tehran international spare parts and car exhibition for two days , I humbly requested my boss to left me alone and visited the exhibition without me . but he didn't responded to my plea and took me to this journey by force ( God may make his life short) . I really don't like travelling , visiting fair ,coming back with a bag full of catalogues ,DVDs and echantillons.

Your post made me extremely happy. Thank you very much. You write beautifully. I love your writings VERY much.

In answer to your question, my marriage is happy. We've got many emotional involvements with each other!

Dear Amal, there is a channel on TV entitled 'Press TV'! It is in English. I seldom watch TV, but if I have a chance to watch it, I watch 'Press TV' which broadcasts global news. The news about your country makes my heart painful. The war has made Syria go back to stone age. Some sections of Damascus is actually a pile of ruins! I hope they will make an agreement in coming conference in Geneva!

Mohsen wrote:I can visit her without making sin and consider that I may save her from deviation ,I receive reward from God.

Hi Mohsen,

I am sure your wife isn't aware of your posts. What you have written is challenging. Visiting someone isn't forbidden and then sinful.You may mean something else by 'visiting'! How can you save a widow from deviation(as you have put it) by visiting her? How skilful you are! By the way, what do you mean by 'deviation'? You have written such challenging vague things, because you have found the thread empty from brave ladies. When the cat is away the mice play!

Mohsen wrote:What is emotional divorce , and why when it doesn't consider in statistics, it means that registered married couples haven't got emotional involvements?

Suppose you decide to carry out a study on the rate of divorce or marriage in a society. What will you do? You may go to some registry offices where the information about registered marriages and divorces is kept. After gathering some data you may conclude that, in big cities, one in three marriages ends in divorce! This is 'called statistical study' of an issue.

However, there are some couples. They are living under the same roof, but they have nothing to do with each other. They are married, but they don't have any marital activities! These people have marital problems, but they haven't went to a registry office to get divorced and register it!

Dear Mohsen, joking aside, the lady you are speaking about is an occasional case, but I guess you don't dare to take this golden opportunity. You either feel afraid of your wife, or you are not strong enough to handle the issues! Islam is in danger man! Why don't you hammer the nail of Islam in kofr-threatening land?

There are legal behaviours which are allowed by law, Deviation is when someone infringe the law. What is the law? The law in our society is the rules that God develops in order to have whole people following it.

Surly my wife doesn't know about my post, good deed should be done in hidden ,charity should be paid in secret.

When people who were men of true piety and devoted their life to God, have fallen in love ,lost their faith and couldn't control their feeling .What should I expect myself , I am not more faithful than Shiekh Sanan.

Shiekh Sanan who was living in Mecca, left there and went to RUOM, There he saw a beautiful Christian girl. He fell into passionate love with the young girl, forgetting his place among his followers and his prominence as a learned and spiritual pious Muslim.The girl, who was much younger than the Sheik refused his love and instead asked him to perform impossible tasks, throwing obstacles in his way in order to change his mind. She asked him to worship an idol (highest crime in Islam), burn the Quran, drink wine (forbidden in Islam) and finally to lose his faith in Islam. Of all four requests the Sheik only agreed to drinking wine and asked the girl to forewent the other three. The girl then asked for the Sheik to become a Christian. He agreed to her demand and changed his religion. Having seen no hope in averting the Sheik's love, the girl asked for him to provide her with dowry money. The Sheik, having lost his faith and gotten into the habit of drinking, responded that he neither had spiritual wealth nor material possessions. The young girl feels sorry for him and instead of a dowry asks him to attend to her hog farm (a sacrilege in Islam) for one year.Having Bewildered by Sheik's apparent state of lost spirituality and craze, his followers tried to find a way to rescue him. They asked one of his Morid "devout followers" who was away at the time of his departure from Mecca, to come and lend a hand. The follower went to Ruom and found the Sheik in the pathetic state of raising pigs! He then asked the followers to pray for the Sheik for forty days, asking God to bring back the Sheik in to the path of righteousness. After forty days, the prophet Mohammed came to the Morid's dream and informed him of God's will to return Sheik's sanity back to him. As for the girl, she waked up one morning and realized what she had done to the Sheik and asked forgiveness from God, becomes a Muslim and follows him as her spiritual leader.You see Behnam , I have not Morid to pray for me ,I have a friend who encourage me to hummer the nail .What do you expect me , I am alone tonight and bewildered

Sorry I don't write here often but I'm following your beautiful posts.

These days I'm trying to chat with many people as much as I can to make my English better, hope I reach my goal.

Most of the chatter are not nice like you.

Although I'm using chat rooms for the people who want to practice English, they only need to use facebook or skype or exchange photos.

The chat conversation is always short it's all about introducing yourself no more after you finish with the person no longer talk, every day I have to start with new one with the same start no longer conversation, I think it doesn't help me to practice English.

Anyway I'll keep chatting till I see what will happen.

I only like this thread very much but the problem with me I don't find any topic to talk about, No exchange.

I like what Mohsen wrote about his family life, he reminds me of myself, I also help my wife in every household chore including taking care of our kids, I'm changing the diapers for my baby and helping him sleep, hanging the washing etc

I'm not shay to say that because I believe democrat husband should help his wife, this will make his wife love him much much more.

I believe that the man who said that women should work Injustice her because how can she work beside her household chore, and most of the time she share her salary at home.

And after the man came back after work he just sit and watch TV while she start her house chore although both of them came from work, how comes!

I help her in everything because I believe that married life is all about sharing.

Wife is always blamed if she take care of her children and the household chore and omitted her husband.

In this cold weather, feeling nostalgic about the old days, missing my friends and their words, although I am early, I may not have the chance to say 'Merry Christmas' to my Christian friends at the right time. Therefore, I'd like to take this opportunity to say a warm 'Merry Christmas' to the people who celebrate the birth of Jesus(PBUH)! I'd like to say 'Happy New Year' to you too. I hope 2014 will bring more peace, success, happiness, and prosperity to all people in all over the world.

How are you? I hope you are fine. I didn't know you are in love with that lady. If I had known, I'd have prayed for you.

You are lucky Mohsen since your heart-taker, in-love-maker, beloved angel, sweet soul-mate is neither Christian nor in Rome! You don't need to take a great effort to hammer the nail of Islam, since the land is so close to you and ready to reap! The only thing you need is some courage or bravery.

I still don't know what deviation is and how you are going to prevent her from deviation. Would you mind explaining more?

Welcome back! How is life there? I hope all is going well with you. Thank you for your posts.

Life has become too complicated to live! In comparison with the past, women have more freedom and liberty. They have improved their general knowledge and have received their degrees from universities. They have participated in many social activities and work market. However, something is wrong! I believe there is something wrong with people!

First, we should keep in mind that for some people knowing something is more dangerous than being ignorant about it. Women know many things, but those things aren't useful for them. They know how to work, how to drive, how to earn money, how to design, etc. but they have less necessary skills.

From the time I have seen the world around myself, my parents have been working shoulder-to-shoulder. Well, there are some chores that my mother is more skillful and good at. For example, my mother cooks much better than my father, so she seldom wants my father to cook. She doesn't need my father to prove his love by cooking. He has proven his pure love in other areas of life.

On the other hand, my father is very good at doing the shopping. Therefore, he does it almost all the time.

Old couples are happier than young ones, since they are more sincere and honest with each other. However, young couples don't believe each other. They must prove themselves! How? One way for men to prove themselves is being a yes-man! Amazingly, husbands have to prove themselves to their wives; wives don't need to prove themselves to their husbands.

It is a fact that men and women are different. Wise couples respect the differences. However, those differences cause fool couples either compete or fight with each other. You cannot expect a bull to give milk, similarly, you cannot expect a cow to reap farms! Everything has got its special talents, abilities, and capabilities.

I don't oppose working at home and helping my wife, but these things can never make me a good husband. I have to take responsibilities and try in other areas of life.

I've got nothing to do, nowhere to go, tired and bored, killing time! Writing is the only soothing thing. Sometimes, I think of writing a book, but I don't know in which field the book should be written, about Physics or something general. I wish you could help me with choosing a subject for writing.

Today, 2 friends of mine separately came to my office and asked me for solutions to some problems about Modern Physics and Quantum Mechanics. I solved the problems perfectly and explained the solutions understandably. One of them was in my office for about 2 hours. We discussed many physical phenomena. He said, 'Behnam, why don't you write a book? You think differently and look at things from different angels. I am sure many students will pray for you after reading your down-to-earth way of describing things." I laughed at him and said, "Come on man! Physics is an isolated area in the Third World." I added something to give a reason for my opinion but I'd rather not write it here!

Oh, I forgot to say that the main reason for writing this post is correcting a big mistake which is made in my previous post.

Although surely you have understood what is meant by this sentence, it is unusual and meaningless, because 'REAP' is used incorrectly. It must be 'PLOUGH' which is done by oxen! Therefore, the sentence must be 'You cannot expect an ox to give milk, similarly, you cannot expect a cow to plough the field'.

My final point for today is challenging: Loneliness and singlism are threatening humanity in this century. The role of women in coping with these disastrous problems; which are both the products of Capitalism is crucially important, is crucially important. What is the solution? Following the instructions of God in the Holy Koran. What? Allowing men to have more than one wife!

If you look for an excuse to write a post just follow my strategy: Make some mistakes in one post and correct your mistakes in another one!

behnam wrote:We discussed many physical phenomena. He said, 'Behnam, why don't you write a book? You think differently and look at things from different angels.

It must be angles not 'angels', but that's funny to look at things of different angels!!!

I was in a hurry when writing the previous post in my office. Actually, a friend of mine was waiting for me at the door. We had to attend at a meeting. I lost my concentration because he kept saying, "Behnam, hurry up, Behnam we are late!" That's why I forgot to write my famous 'All the best, Behnam, ..... '! By the way, 'Crucially important' is repeated unwillingly. Sorry for making many mistakes. I apologize! Honestly speaking, they(mistakes) provide me with an excuse to write.

I agree with you about helping your wife in the house affairs, when there is love between couples, they try to treat kindly, overtake each other to settle down the house and help more, the house is not a battle ground, it is a love ground.

I also agree with Behnam's idea that woman and man have some skills in different aspects of life. so the works should be totally divided between them according to the skills , the nature of woman heart is more tender than man,so the child is more calm in her mother 's arm, especially when she milks.But the couple's life should not be divided between lines and duties; we are not living in police station or a work place. The regulations in house is flexible ,there are much possibilities for the both sides to help each other.

I generally don't agree that woman works outside. Unfortunately most of jobs have been recently captured by woman in our society , and women believes that it is the women progress while it is a reactionary idea ,what make our society close to west systems is regression not progress.

Thanks for your congratulation message to Christians for Christmas. Because there is no one in the this forum, I thanks behalf of them. Luckily the Yalda night is in front of us , and we should be ready for the longest night of the year.

The shops are overflowed with different fruits, candies and meats . Fortunately the watermelons are cheaper than last year, in my city the price is between 400 to 600 Toman/kgs ( about one sixth of dollar) , I bought a box of orange ( 20 Kgs) 1800 Toman/kgs which has wonderful taste , juicy and thin skin . It was called Birjandi orange, of course I bought it directly from main distributer in vegetable mall, so the price is cheaper than usual one.

Something wrong about the women who lost her husband is loyalty . It is said that a good woman and loyal woman is the one who doesn't marry again ,if she lose her husband in an accident.The woman should kill her wishes,sexall passions because of a wrong culture ( the people and relative talks and gossips).This is the deviation risks

One the staffs in my work place lost his wife because of cancer , he remarried with a girl after passing 30 day from death of his late wife . Many people cursed him , because he was expected at to waited at least for 40 days . because 40 days ceremony is current in our society . but he bravery did his marriage and claimed that it was difficult for him not to arm a girl in bed ,even for one night.

I want to wish you a happy birthday my great friend, I really don't know how the life would be without you, you've lightened my life and for sure other friends' lives!I know it's still early but I want to be the first person who says that to you!

Dear, sorry about my late reply, I wanted to write one long time ago but sadly because the electricity is off most of the time, I delayed the matter.

However, finally today I decided to write something. Since I hate to let you waiting and maybe it would make me relax and let me forget the war which is going between my mind and heart! I thought this war will end today and I will be able to write with a clear mind but sadly it didn't! Uh! I just chose to rely on god!

By the way your challenge point is really important and it should be discussed seriously...

I think the lack of loyalty and trust are the main factors in this problem. If men and women were faithful to each other, the society would be healthy.

Another factor should be considered too is the high dowry, which girls' families always care about without any understanding of the circumstances of young people!

The girls' families think that they are protecting their daughters but they don't know that they are ,on the same hand, reducing her chances of getting married! Our prophet Mohamad said: اذا اتاكممن ترضون دينه و خلقه فزوجوه الا تفعلو تكن فتنة في الارض

In result, our "dimension of religion?" is an important reason for this phenomenon.. In my idea if girls' families started to follow our prophet's rule and started to understand and help young men, their girls' lives would be much happier and that would increase their chances of getting married...

In fact, what attracted me is your solution! Dear, don't you think that god has allowed men to marry more than once, without any conditions or controls?!

I mean there should be some reasons for them to remarry, what if their wives were perfect?! what if the men weren't able to justice?! don't you think that would cost more problems and invalidate the requirement of marriage more than once?!

For me, as I told you before, I don't have any problems with being single but I hate it when someone enters my life and starts playing with my feelings and thoughts and let me think of the whole marriage matter again!!!

Let me stop talking about this subject now and start with another one...

You said that you that you watch Press TV when the chance is possible, believe it or not, I also used to watch it in the past too! Their English is very clear so I took it as a way to improve mine!

However, after a while I became very sensitive and the news started to make a big harm to me since it's speaking about my beloved country and the situation here.

It's really something dramatical to watch the people who you used to live with are killed and the places which you used to go are destroyed! Meanwhile, you can do nothing! It really breaks my heart!

Then, I dislike the way which the media is dealing with our matter. For exa, they just focus on the things which serve their OWN benefits not Syrian people's benefits!

On the other hand, I think that whatever is shown on TV is meaningless. Since it change nothing and it doesn't effect on decision makers, so what's the point of hearing it?! Decision makers are happy with what's happening here and I don't think that they want to end it. Therefore, I don't have much hope on the conference in Geneva!

You cannot imagine how happy I became when I saw your post. It made me extremely happy. Thank you very much for participating in reading the posts and posting your views in the thread. You have proved that you are a sincere person. You have kept the contact with the thread for years. This is very valuable. Thank you very much indeed.

One of the things we all need is stability. In particular, stability in friendship brings comfort to us. Some people are unpredictable and fickle. No matter they are friends, lovers, husbands or wives, etc. they are always unpredictable. Sometimes, they are too much hot in a way that their hotness burns you. Sometimes they are frigid in a way that their coldness freezes you! People who are fluctuating between the maximum and the minimum cannot be successful at all. 'Love me little, but love me long' is an appropriate saying for this discussion.

Another thing we all need is tolerance. If we want to live on the Earth together, we have to tolerate each other. We are absolutely different. We have got different cultures, beliefs, religions, values, tastes, ideas, opinions, field of views, philosophies, etc. These differences are really beautiful. They seem amazing if we look on the bright side of them. They beautifully show the high capability of humanity.

I was taking part in a course at my workplace. It was about management skills. At the beginning the professor, who has a degree in the humanities, asked a very good question. "According to Islam, for everything, a relevant donation( زکات) is considered. For example, the donation of knowledge is spreading(teaching) it", he said and then asked, "what is the donation of wisdom(العقل)?" Everybody said something, but nobody could give the right answer. He himself wrote on the board while he was saying, "قال علی (ع): زکات العقل تحمل الجاهل"[Imam Ali(PBUH) has said, "Tolerating fools is the donation of wisdom"] . We got surprised. We all found that saying wonderful.

Wise people have to tolerate fools, although it is too difficult to tolerate them. However, this seems to be impossible when close friendship or particular relationship such as marriage comes to considering. Men and women have got different levels of wisdom, knowledge, intelligence, talents, skills, abilities, capabilities, etc. When making friends, getting married, establishing a relationship, etc. we must take these factors into account, otherwise sooner or later we will meet the failure in the life.

Let's assume that an educated lady(these days in Iran, if you randomly point at a girl in the street, she will have at least a BSc or BA degree) has married to a man with a lower level of degree in terms of education. What would happen to her marital life if she kept comparing her degree with her husband's degree? Suppose the lady is a very obedient and kind person, but the man is brutal, how could the lady tolerate such cruelty and violence? Why should she do that? These things make life complicated and unbearable. That's why Islam has strictly recommended that couples should be at the same level of wisdom, knowledge, wealth, etc.

What am I saying? I guess I have digressed! Well, we are human beings and the Earth is the only place for us to live. There is no mankind on the other planets. Therefore, neither can we send or fools to, for instance, Mars nor we can bring some proper people to keep the balance between the fool and the wise in the societies. What can we do?

Justice is the key. If justice goes out from the window, misery will come in from the door! How can we bring justice to a society? I don't know how, I'd rather not discuss, but I am sure Capitalism isn't a proper ideology. Why? Because it widens the gap between the poor and the rich. What happens then? This is the first step of misery. This will bring other complicated problems that we are all facing with in the world now. A society may claim it is governed by Islamic rule, but it spreads Capitalism practically. Actions speak louder than words.

I agree with you that TV channels are following their own benefits. This is the rule. In addition to that, there is a world difference between speaking about something-which TV channels often do-and the facts which are going on in a society. But, honestly speaking, Syria's conflict makes me sad and disappointed. We should all know that this conflict is, on the one hand, a result of laziness, naivety, timidity, and silliness. On the other hand, it is one of the products of fundamentalism and foolishness. Syrian people MUST wake up and find a way themselves!

About 'dowry', I didn't get your point. In Iran, girls' families give property or money to boys when they marry. This is ridiculous and insulting. I disagree with this traditional custom. For more details, you can ask our expert Mohsen. I am sure he knows the philosophy behind 'dowry'. I personally think it is unreasonable to bring up a beautiful girl for many years and provide her with property or money and finally give her to a boy...! Why? To make her feel like a mother? To keep the generation going? I don't know! ...........