It’s that time again! Your infrequently posted but nonetheless favorite post in all of the Uproxx lands. I know you’re all excited to see who wins a babysitting gig with six of my pet mice, so let’s get right to it.

As some of you haters hated, Morgan Spurlock is making a documentary about One Direction.Yes: it does look more like a commercial than the cultural inquiry I’d prefer. But no: it’s not interesting to dismiss the project. Save that bitterness for Bieber. Anyhoo, Chino Moreno retitled the film:

Computer Expert 50 Cent is into writing text, he ain’t into making love.

[More Applause] Bravo, Chino. Now get off the stage. Let’s not forget the importance of People Who Make An Account Just To Hate, people like the aptonymic f*ckthissh*t [censorship courtesy of Yours Truly, betches], who has really important opinions about Max Landiss’ Man of Steel opinions:

I like it.

The majority of the audiences like it.

IMDB has it at 8.0 which is at the top 250.

The profesional critics and crybaby fanboys can go suck a dick and f*ck off.

The person who keeps submitting these threads can f*ck of.

The tiny minority bitching can equally f*ck off.

YOU CAN ALL IN FACT, F*CK OFF.

And stop making these whiny articles you fucking c*nts.

DAMN, GIRL. You sound more upset than a Kevin Smith fan late to McDonald’s breakfast. My mice would not like you or your certain Affliction T-shirt at all. Onward—this is something I’ve thought for a while, and I’m thrilled that someone finally worded it so spitefully. From the trailer for Thanks for Sharing, starring the Hulk and the Goop:

Rawhead Wrecks: Was Josh Gad like, created from all that weight Jonah Hill lost?

A+, Rawdog. And now for the Comment of the Week. Florida Friday posts are natural invitations to show off your jokes, as they should be. The light of this opportunity shines bright like the heavens this week, because of the following comment on the teenager named Bamboo Flute who stabbed his father:

There you go, Ace Rimmer. Let me know if you can make it here by 9:00 to watch the mice (please do not bring any snakes, cats, or elephants). To the rest: remember to keep your wits about you, and nominate your favorite comments of the week in the comments section of this very thread. For next week, someone has to make me two mouse-sized coffins :'( and a bow and arrow that can shoot at least as far as however high a hawk can fly…

THIS IS GETTING SO STUPID.
JENNIFER DOESNT LIKE MCDONALDS SO???
MCDONALDS ISNT A POOR PEOPLE FOOD.
IM NOT POOR AND I GO TO THE MCDONALDS, SHES JUST BEING HEALTHY, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
WE HAVE AN AMAZING FANDOM JUST FOR HER.
WE STAND MY HER. WE LOVE HER. WE WILL BE FOREVER WITH HER, NOT LIKE YOU STUPID RUMOURS AND MAGAZINES THA JUST WANT TO MAKE MONEY WITH EVERY SILLY THING SHE SAYS.

John Wayne in a Devo Hat: Agreed! I don’t get it either. She’s so amazing. Can’t understand these comments at all. It’s like none of these people ever got super healthy & squirted out White Castle Pudding for 2 days before. Wrote a song about it. Goes like this:

So no one told you lunch was going to be this way.
Big Mac n fries n Coke, your personal chef is DOA.
It’s like you’re always living in dietary fear,
Well, it hasn’t been your day, now Big Mac is running out your rear.

But, I’ll be there for you, when your stomach starts to hurt.
I’ll be there for you, and your Hershey Squirts.
I’ll be there for you, cause you’re making liquid poo…

I can’t understand these people too. Have you ever tried to eat healthy food? I don’t even understand those girls and women who torture their bodies with a huge variety of diets. Pay attention to what you eat and get rid of unhealthy food eating. I kept diets and made my stomach hurt. That’s all. No result in weight loss, but pains in stomach. I’m glad that I was advised to visit [fatlossfactorsreviews.com] and try something new to achieve my aim. I’m still far from the perfect shapes but I’m proud that I got rid of useless diets.