i almost had an abortion | throwback ch. 1

July 9, 2017

I’m so excited about these upcoming blog posts! Sadly, I started blogging after all my major milestones in life. I don’t have those special days truly documented anywhere. So, I thought I would create a new blog series called Throwback.

In this first chapter, I wanted to talk about something that many people don’t know about me.

When I was in high school, I almost had an abortion.

APRIL 2008

A little info about me first… I had a longtime boyfriend throughout high school. Our relationship was the worst kind of relationship. It was dangerous, exhausting, and SO SO unhealthy (this is something I won’t be discussing further because honestly, I’ve blocked a lot of it out and we are on good terms now). Right after I left that relationship, I found out I was pregnant. I only had a month left of my senior year and I was planning on going to college with my best friend. I was beyond excited to start packing to move into our dorm room, meeting new friends, and of course the endless nights of partying! 😉

WELL… one day I realized I hadn’t gotten my period in awhile. My mom and I are pretty close and I wasn’t afraid to tell her anything. I texted her from school and told her to make me a doctors appointment so I could take a pregnancy test. I didn’t even waste my time with the store bought ones. She got me in that day. I was terrified. I didn’t want to be pregnant but I had a gut feeling I was. My friend and I headed to the doctors after school and sure enough. The nurse came in the room and said “yes you’re pregnant”. My friend and I looked at each other and instantly started crying. They had another nurse come into the room and talk to me because she was a young parent too. I walked out of the office in a daze and called my mom to tell her the news.

My close friends came over to my house and we all sat on my bed, just trying to wrap our heads around it. We talked about all my options. I did NOT want a baby, especially with someone I wasn’t in a relationship with. I had finally got the courage to get out of that situation and now I could possibly have him in my life FOREVER?! There was so many things running through my head. I didn’t know what to do.

After a couple of days, I decided to make my own selfish decision and get an abortion. As much as people tried to talk me out of it…it was my body, my decision. I was a mess about it. I was again, so terrified. I skipped school and my mom brought me to the abortion clinic. We paid at the front desk and sat in the waiting room. The waiting room was full of young girls with their parents. All of us were crying, probably all battling the same feelings inside. My name was called and we went back to an ultrasound room. The doctor did a vaginal ultrasound just to make sure I was indeed pregnant. I laid there staring at the screen, not having any idea what I was looking at. The doctor was talking a million miles a minute and I wasn’t listening to any of it. In the middle of his breathless speech, he said “its a twin pregnancy”. That is the ONLY thing I heard him say. In shock, I looked at my mom and I knew she heard the same thing. The doctor just kept on talking and my mom and I just stared at each other in shock.

I’m totally balling as I type this part — it was this exact moment. The moment of locking eyes with my mom — that I knew I wasn’t going to go through with this. I can’t explain what happened. Just hearing that it was two babies, TWINS. I really don’t have an explanation as to why I changed my mind. It was a magical, special moment. That is all I can really say.

We had to go back to the waiting room to wait for the next step of the abortion. We sat back down and called my dad to tell him it was twins. My dad told us to just leave and come back home. It was like we all just knew this was meant to happen. It was meant to be. So, that’s what we did. We left, even though we had already paid, we left and headed back home. I was going to be a 19 year old mom of twins.

A month later, I graduated high school eight weeks pregnant.

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….AND I – from the outside couldn’t be more proud of you. I watched you struggle, make mistakes, and make decisions, and now it is a joy to watch you be a mom. A mom who isn’t perfect, who is “all out there”, who embraces life and what she has been blessed with. You OWN this, girlfriend and you have risen above any and all obstacles. YOU are a MOMSTAR

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Hi! I’m Nicole, a wife to my sweet husband and a mommy to TWO sets of twins! Our hearts are full with two spunky blue eyed girls and the cutest baby boy girl duo. I love being a mamarazzi and capturing our every day moments. I am so glad you're here. Enjoy and stay awhile!