31/07/2017

Mental Badassery!

Barely anyone is
aware of this hidden mechanism, even though it’s happening all the time, in all
of us.

It’s the stories we
tell ourselves.

We do it all day
long: we tell ourselves a story about what’s happening in our lives, about
other people, about ourselves. When I call them “stories” … that doesn’t mean
they’re false, or that they aren’t based on the truth. It just means we’ve
constructed a narrative based on our experiences, a perspective on the world
around us, an interpretation of facts as we see them. Not false, but not
necessarily the entire truth — just one perspective.

A different person
could look at the same situation and tell a very different situation.

A few examples:

1.You might have a
story about how your boss is very supportive and praises you a lot, which means
you are doing a good job and like your work environment, and this story makes
you happy. Another person might look at the same situation and tell a story
about how the work area is messy and people are always interrupting him and
he’s tired and the clients are rude and smelly.

2.You might be upset
with your spouse because she was rude to you or didn’t clean up her messes for
the last few days. Another person might have the same experience but tell
themselves a story about how his spouse has been working hard at her job, has
gone out of her way to cook a nice meal for you, and is tired and needs some
comforting.

3.You might have a
story about how you keep procrastinating, keep failing at being disciplined,
never stick to a workout routine. Another perspective might be that you have gotten
some great things done despite getting distracted, you’ve been passionate about
learning something and that’s taken a priority over work tasks you’re dreading,
and you are tired and need some rest before you can tackle exercise with vigor.

Each of these
examples have very different stories about the same situations — it’s about
which details you pay attention to, and how you shape the narrative of those
details.

Now, telling ourselves stories is
natural — we all do it, all the time. There’s nothing wrong with it. But if we’re not aware of the stories we tell ourselves, we can’t
understand how they shape our happiness, relationships, moods, and
more.

Becoming Aware of
Your Stories

Throughout the day,
you’re telling yourself stories about what’s going on, about how wrong other
people are to do what they do, about how good or bad you are at things.

My challenge to you is to start to notice what you’re telling yourself about everything.

It’s important to
be aware of what those stories are, and how they’re affecting your happiness.
If a story is making you happy, and you’re aware of that, then great! If you’re
not aware of it, it’s not such a big problem if it’s making you happy, but what
happens if the story starts to make you unhappy with your life? Then if you’re
not aware, you have difficulties.

So start to become
aware of your stories, good and bad. Notice them throughout the day.

Notice when you’re getting stuck in the story, spinning it around
and around in your head. So and so shouldn’t have done this, and on and on,
making you frustrated and unhappy with the person.

When we get hooked
on a story, it’s hard to break away from it. But becoming aware of being hooked
is the most important step.

What We Can Do

So what can we do
if we’re hooked on a story? It can be very difficult to break out of that trap.
I know, because it happens to me all the time — I see the story I’m telling
myself, but it seems so solid and real that I can’t just let it go.

The first thing you can do is regard it as a dream. That doesn’t mean it’s false, it
just means it’s not so solid. It’s something you’re playing out in your head,
just like a dream, with very real emotional results. See it as a dream, not
solid, and see if you can come out of the dream to the physical reality of the
world around you in this moment. What sensations are happening right now, as
opposed to in this dream?

The next thing you can do is not act on the story. Even if you’re caught up in it,
that doesn’t mean you have to lash out at someone, or run away to distraction
or comfort. Just sit with the story, notice how it’s making you feel, notice
the physical sensations in your body. Notice that you’re caught up. But don’t
act, just stay with your awareness.

There is another
way of being: where you don’t cling to the stories but instead drop below them,
and are just aware of the moment as it is, without interpretations, judgements,
preconceptions. Stories will still come up, but you can notice them and not get
caught up. Or if you do get caught up, notice that and don’t hold so tightly to
it, coming back to the present moment.

However, this is a
pretty advanced skill, and most of us can’t stay in this mode of being for very
long. For now, just focus on awareness of your story, regarding it as a dream,
and not acting on the story as much as we normally do.

In this way, you’ll
be less caught up in whatever is causing unhappiness and frustration, and more
present in the current moment.