Saturday, October 24, 2015

Tonight, it was another umpteenth time I was watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. My mother always jokes about my craze for the series and it is kind of a simple yet adorable moment because it makes my mom laugh on my craziness. But it was different tonight; same yet something new and unexplored.

I was getting emotional towards the ending as amidst multiple reasons, the film and the whole series by JK Rowling reminds me of the childhood that went by and how life has and will always move on.

The "19 years Later" screenplay was about to make me cry (as always) as I was being consumed with the feeling of "I don't want to grow old" but something new struck in my heart, mind and soul this time.

The visuals of Kings Cross Station, Wizard Parents lining up to board their children and then Harry arrives with Ginny Weasley and their children and we see Ron and Hermione and even Draco with their own and I felt emotional of a different kind. It felt like such a beautiful blessing to grow up and to live a life of fulfillment as a Family of my own.

Did I ever felt this emotion before, I really don't know. But what I do know is I have never felt happy about growing up and old each and every day like I am experiencing right now as I write.

The friendships I make, the relationships I will nurture, and the life experiences I will live will all contribute as a choice of life I will have in my future. I am not perfect, but so was Harry. It was his choices that made him who he became.

"It is not our abilities that show what we truly are. It is our choice."

Happy to be Growing Up. Happy to be Grown Old, and Wise, if I may say. :)

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Over a random decision to whatsapp message a super funny
joke to some old (deliberately) forgotten acquaintance contacts, I started a
chat with a Siddharth from Mumbai whom I befriended through my Facebook page.
The chat ensued with the clichéd where, how and what. Then in between when he
spoke about him returning from a recent US trip with Parents and Cousins, I
nicked him about why his brother and sister-in-law could not go. It was then
that Siddharth joked why I was taking away his single status by bringing in a
brother and even getting him hitched. I thought to self about my sheer
disinterest in keeping up with friendships for being in the state but in the
next few replies over the done-to-death conversation about dating-life, I
messaged about my now-usual-answer of about single status as I was done with
flings and now want to settle down, waiting to meet “him” in my life.

Siddharth immediately questioned me, albeit in fun, about
mixing “him” and “her” in my auto-correct and this was when it stuck how
obliviously I was chatting with him. I realized it was Siddharth and he did not
know about “ME” and that I was mixing him up with another Facebook acquaintance,
Sahhil, who had a married brother and it was Canada for him, a usual vacation
owing to relatives, and not USA. Or am I still getting Sahhil’s bio right or
now that I see, I hope I am not mixing him too with someone else.

The Sahhil issue aside, it was almost imperative for me to reply
to Siddharth. My instant reaction, as has been in one such, almost similar
incident that I remember, was to call it a “unnoticed blunder mistake” but
somehow I almost stopped my fingers from typing and did not do same this time.

I finally shared, bit scarily, about the real me.

He did not question me anything later and we carried with the chat, suddenly yet seamlessly moving on to other topics.

The feeling has not sunk in yet.

This was my second Time Out, I never thought there can be more than one but here I just experienced it. And now I am sure I will have to have many more; each of varied intensity, at varied time of my life. Probably all throughout my life. The only thing I can do is be true to myself, whenever these situation arises.

Now that I think, the recent Hindi film release "Time Out" about 'Coming Out' makes sense. It was the first film I watched about coming out, after my own "coming out" to my family on 3rd April 2015 and though it felt unreal and bit weird to me during the screening, I now feel that none of such situation can be or must be judged. The way I came out, and the family reactions and interactions which ensued, I could have never imagined that anything can ever be like that. Truth can be only one but Reality is different for everybody.

My one coming out was so different from my second, how can I question the handling of same by others. Asking questions is important to grow, but what is more important for growth is to know what question must be framed and asked.

I have to just keep swimming till I can breathe in air in my lungs and I will do it happily.

My swimming lessons have got me to find my mojo in love for movies and it could not have been a more better time for same than when I get to witness the inspirational stories in spectacular cinema like Mark Wahlberg's The Martian" and Joseph Gordon-Levitt's "The Walk".

Both film, starkly different in their theme and subjects, gave me inspirational goosebumps to never lose belief in myself and my goals, no matter how shitty crazy people call you. My conscious should be clear.

Ingenuity, Wit and Spirit; plus a good bit of Madness is the best recipe for Success.

Among the many great things about the two varied films, the best was similar - "Life Goes On, even after Success." The leads achieve their goals but their life continues. Better stay in peace and take every moment as it comes.

My every moment will be like my Time-Out, no idea when it may strike but I can not just sit waiting for the next one. I must keeping swimming and I know I don't want to lie anymore. Truth will always be one and therefore easy to remember. Lies are always plural, one build on another and the biggest waste of one's energy as it is the toughest to remember.

There cab be no artist without an audience.. Respect it.

You can not lie on stage. The audience will always know what is inside your heart.