I want to hurt myself

ok i don't consider myself a cutter i have never really cut only made light cuts that are more scratches and barely cut the skin. A couple of years ago my mum saw these cuts on my arm but anyway in the time between i havnt really done anything. Ive spent alot of time recently wanting to when im feeling depressed but don't because i don't want scars.
I did not really think cutting was for me, im not sure several times recently it feels like a cant control my feelings like if i am putting a plate away in the cupboard or something i just want to shove it in and break everything.
Whenever i go to cut myself i am surprised it wasnt deeper i guess my mind always takes over. It doesn't even really feel like i should be talking about cutting because they are so little it is irrelevant but this is what has happened the last few days
i was arguing with mum and then picked up the scissors and made a slash at my hand it made a cut like half a centimetre long and didn't bleed, like i said im always surprised they are not deeper, later i made a couple of small cuts under my waist line.. i thought later that cutting just seems to be the thing to do to release pain but isnt really for me.
So tonight i was frustrated with my life not being where i want it to be and i find myself wanting to cut again, thats why i came on here, i did make a couple of cuts then i chucked the scissors to the other side of the room so i wouldn't do it again, just a moment ago i thought it was stupid but now i feel like doing it again. I want to go deeper I don't even really know why i want to do it

the cuts were only small, i promise i will not do it again, i always feel slightly stupid when i post stuff like this, i feel like im attention seeking maybe i am, i don't know