Blader Digest: Blading in Your Face

Cruising around San Francisco, you’ll see some weird shit. It’s actually the only reason why anyone would build a city on such hilly terrain: you can get some good views of all said weird shit.

The weirdest—WEIRDEST—thing I’ve been seeing a lot more of these days looks something like this:

Every time I blade to work (which has been nearly everyday thanks to this complete lack of winter), I keep seeing more and more recreational bladers hauling their way through the city, many using them for their morning work commute.

Besides other cubicle slaves like me, there are more people cruising around Golden Gate Park on the weekends, people blading up and down the Embarcadero, and more.

While this may seem like trivial information, you have to think of we bladers as a species on the brink of extermination and each and every non-aggressive skater as a sign of hope that our species will survive.

Sure, some of them are so spandex-clad they look like these ladies blading in Iran (via the Atlantic), but we still love them nonetheless.

Now, I’ve written about the rise of the rollerblader before, but the recent evidence of seeing people on blades makes me believe that a new wave of interest in rollerblading is on its way.

This is important because people aren’t seeing the “rollerblading is gay” stereotype perpetuated by some skateboarders and bikers, but rather they’re seeing it for what it is: a cheap, easy, and athletic way to get around the city. Yes, I realize this is San Francisco and people can do some weird shit here (see the SHOCK Video for examples of this), but I’m smelling a trend.

First off, let’s take a look at Hollywood, the land of bullshit imagery and dying dreams. There, behind the scenes, blading is being used for something that some of us are used to doing on the weekends with our homies: the follow-cam.

Apparently on the set of Crank High Voltage, co-director Mark Neveldine (who is also directing the newest Ghost Rider movie with Nic Cage {which causes me to shudder in fear}) uses skates to skitch and film:

The director admits that using his hockey skates is the only way to achieve the shots he wants for his multi-million-dollar movies. As we all know, it’s this style of filming that keeps getting veteran and legend Vinny Minton repeated business on shows like CSI and House.

Yeah, blading might not be part of the main feature, but it’s still pretty dope.

Then there’s a small group of dedicated people who are working on (still, I believe) on a project to get Brian “B. Free” Freeman his own TV that focuses on his travels on blades in a TV show that may/would have/could be called Rolling With the World:

But besides movies and TV, blades made a recent appearance on a television commercial featuring one of the NBA’s best rookies of all time, L.A. Clipper Blake Griffin.

Yeah, it may not seem like a big deal, but you don’t see that guy on a skateboard, bike, scooter, or pogo stick. Blades, mother fucker. Blades.

The Taig Khris-like Superman dive was also nice as well.

Then there’s also the time someone took to make Brink 2: Val’s Revenge, a satire follow-up to the Disney movie that most of us know by heart. Sure, it’s mocking skating, but if I’ve learned anything in my life it’s that if someone takes their time to mock or talk shit about you, you’re important enough to have their attention:

Then a few weeks back Funny or Die made the exclusive video poking fun not only at blading (maybe, I don’t know if that counts) and 1990s movies by coming up with Knight Blade, a story too much like Robocop and the Six Million Dollar Man for my personal tastes. I’m kidding. This skit is awesome, especially since it includes Ray Wise from Robocop:

Check out Adrian Ramos’ stunt work. When not shredding ditches for Funny or Die, he’s working for them. All baller things.

And remember, Ray Wise was in Robocop, which also starred an actor named Brandon Smith, which took place in Detroit, where the Bitter Cold Showdown continues to be, so if that isn’t one long rollerblading circlejerk, I don’t know what one would be (nor would I want to see or hear about it).

Also, unrelated to everything else except for rollerblading, there’s this on FunnyorDie as well…

I know all of this may seem like a jumbled mess of shit from the internet (and it mostly is), but these images of rollerblading are getting more commonplace than anything else.

Dudes holding onto motorcycles to film Jason Statham, pro basketball players posing as Evil Knievel on blades, and a short on Funny or Die, are going to be stoking the memorial fires insides people’s heads, which could make them think, “Hmm…why don’t I rollerblade anymore? I remember having fun, but then it became unpopular. Wait. Is rollerblading becoming cool again? Where are those K2 Fatties I bought 12 years ago?”

Rollerblading. It’s gonna be a thing again.

Just you wait.

Oh yeah, and next time you’re getting down with your lady, here’s something fun to try courtesy of Urban Dictionary:

Blade or Die,

— Brian Krans

P.S. — Next time you order from AMall, pick up copies of my books, A Constant Suicide and Freeze Tag on the Highway in the exclusive Two-Hitter Quitter Pack, complete with books, stickers, and drugs, all you’ve ever wanted in life.