PRESS

The Sunday Telegraph - 22 May 2016

‘'James told me everything – except what was in his head"

During his second year at Newcastle University, James Wentworth-Stanley arrived alone at an NHS walk-in centre. The usually outgoing 21-year-old was feeling suicidal following a minor operation a few days before. He told this to a consultant, who sent him to A&E as a Priority 4 – the equivalent of having a toothache.

“He was there for hours,” says his younger brother, Harry, speaking publicly about his brother’s death for the first time. “I picture him sitting there next to an old lady witha broken arm and a little boy with flu. He would have looked at himself and thought, ‘Come on, mate, pull yourself together.’”

James walked out. An A&E nurse sent a letter to his GP explaining that he had spoken about suicide, but the note was sent by second-class post and with the wrong postcode. In any event, it arrived too late.

“That was the only opportunity that we had to save him,” says Harry.

“Three days later, James was dead.”

One evening in December 2006, James took a gun from a safe and shot himself at his father’s house in Worcestershire. In the house at the time were his mother Clare Mountbatten, the Marchioness ofMilford Haven, father Nick (the couple divorced in 1997 but remained close), Harry, 17, sister Louisa, 13, stepsiblings, step-parents and friends. None had any idea of his mental suffering. For Harry, four years his junior, who spent a lifetime looking up to his brother, James’s actions were horrifying and bewildering.

“Maybe in that last week he was a little bit more downbeat, but not in a million years did I imagine he would do what he did. Nothing that day ever suggested what was on his mind. He never said goodbye, but maybe he saw that day as a great opportunity to spend time with all of the family.”

Harry, 26, is speaking about his brother 10 years after his death. This winter, he and three friends – Rory Buchanan, Sam Greenly and Toby Fenwicke-Clennell – will row 3,000 miles across the Atlantic to try to raise £300,000 for the James Wentworth- Stanley Memorial Fund.

The money will help establish the first non-clinical crisis centre for those suffering severe emotional distress and at high risk of suicide – a service that doesn’t currently exist in the UK.

It will be called James’s Place, and will aim to provide direct access to trained mental health experts away from the white walls and waiting lists of hospitals.

Harry and his parents, who launched the fund in 2007 to raise awareness of depression, anxiety and suicide in the young, are keen to support the launch. Suicide is the leading cause of death among young men in this country. More than 5,000 people take their own lives every year in the UK – 22 per cent of whom are men aged 16 to 24.

“A&E clearly doesn’t serve someone who is in that mental state,” says Harry, in between training sessions for the upcoming challenge (his gruelling schedule, which he fits in alongside a full-time job as a property developer, began in September and starts each day at 6.30am with two hours on a rowing machine).

It is not the right environment. Suicide is preventable. There is a remedy for it. It is aboutgetting people talking about issues before they escalate.”

James was popular, an ex-Harrovian, a keen sportsman, good-looking, intelligent and a talented polo player. Harry describes him as a “adventurous spirit” who “wouldn’t just conform to the status quo”.

The boys were close, even by brotherly standards. They played polo and football together. James kept an eye on Harry at school, giving him grounding and encouragement when he needed it. James was not a drug-user or drinker and was reading Spanish and business studies at university. Harry has no doubt hewould have achieved much.

“When people talk about mental health they imagine a shy, retiring person who doesn’t necessarily have much going for them. James was the opposite. He would tell me pretty much anything about girls or whatever was going on, but about his own emotions and what was going on in his head – not a word.”

Ten days before he died, James had an operation on an enlarged vein on one of his testicles. It was a minor procedure that his doctor assured him had been successful. Yet the family found worrying searches on James’s computer relating to the surgery. Harry is sure it weighed heavily on him and played a contributing part.

His memories of the day James died are crystal clear. Harry was getting a drink with his stepbrother when a cook at the house told them there had been a terrible accident. Concerned, he went upstairs and saw his father and stepfather with James. They had heard the shot moments before. Harry didn’t want to look; he didn’t want that to be a lasting memory of his brother.

That night, Harry’s concern shifted to his sister and mother, worried their grief might wrench the family apart.

“There were times of completely uncontrollable wailing, then times of sitting in silence trying to register what had happened. I couldn’t picture life without James. I couldn’t picture my mum ever being her normal self again. I realised, as the eldest, I had to step into his shoes and come to terms with it. I had to make sure I kept an eye out for my family.”

The weeks that followed were excruciating, but the family moved forward together. James’s mother saw a bereavement counsellor. Harry and Louisa chose to speak about it to people they knew. Harry gave a reading, having carried James’s coffin into the church with his father, stepbrothers and cousins. He recounts their story with careful precision. Eloquent and at times emotional, he is a remarkable testament to his brother and family.

“I do talk a lot. If there is anything I’ve learnt from James, it’s how to talk.”

The last 10 years have left their mark, though his fears of the family being torn apart have been allayed. He describes grief as a “steadily calming process” and has tried to live a life that would have made his brother proud. As a result, he laughs, he is more outgoing – the Atlantic row being a case in point.

“It has been quite difficult to persuade my mum and dad to get their heads around it,” Harry concedes, with a gentle shrug. “There are some dangers in rowing an ocean. At the same time, they see that it is for James. He would have been the first man to do it – and he would have been horrified if they hadn’t let me do this.”

To support the Row For James campaign, go to rowforjames.com. For information about the James Wentworth- Stanley Memorial Fund, go to jwsmf.org.

PT Magazine - Oct 2016

"Charity Rowing team set to Cross the Atlantic."

2016_In December 2016, Row for James will be taking on the biggest challenge of their lives, rowing across the Atlantic Ocean unassisted, with just each other as company. This feat will be taken on in aid of the James Wentworth-Stanley Memorial Fund to raise awareness for depression, anxiety and suicide in young people and in particular young men.

The captain of the team, Harry Wentworth-Stanley, lost his brother James to suicide at the tender age of 21. Ever since he has been on the lookout for a challenge to mark the tenth anniversary of James’s death and one which would live up to his brother’s outgoing and adventurous side. The Talisker Whiskey Atlantic Challenge is a test of mental and physical endurance, where 20 teams from around the world compete to cross the North Atlantic in the fastest time. Row For James have set themselves the target of winning this year’s race and will be competing in the very same boat rowed to victory by ‘Ocean Reunion’ in the 2015 race.

However, the challenge doesn’t just start with the row. Row For James have embarked on an intense physical training schedule, juggling their day-to-day jobs with morning and evening sessions to prepare their bodies for over a month of relentless rowing. Added to the physical are the more technical aspects of their preparations, including rowing technique, navigation and safety.

They are training with Angus Barton, who was part of the winning Ocean Reunion team in 2015/16 (completing the row in a record 37 days), at The Kensington Studio.

‘Initially the primary focus of training is to ensure appropriate motor control of the abdominals and glutes. The secondary focus is to alleviate any movement errors caused by muscular tightness or previous injuries,’ explains Angus. ‘The first phase of strength work then begins. The final part of the programme will be mass gaining as, on average, ocean rowers will lose more than 10kg during the row. For the twoweeks before departure, training will be tapered off, and during this period there will be a huge amount of mobility work done to ensure their bodies feel 100% ready for the challenge they have waiting for them.’

Row For James are aiming to raise in excess of £300,000 for the charity, which equates to £100 for every mile rowed. This significant amount, through the James Wentworth-Stanley Memorial Fund, will be put towards setting up the first in a series of non-clinical crisis centres for those at high risk of suicide, to be known as “James’s Place” – a service that does not currently exist in the UK. To find out more about their journey and help out with a donation, head over to rowforjames.com.

You Magazine - 12 Sept 16

"My Brother couldn't speak about how he was suffering"

It is no consolation to Harry Wentworth-Stanley that what claimed his elder brother James’s life is the most common cause of death among young men in the UK. Lean, muscular and a towering six foot six, Harry arrives fresh from the gym. The Old Harrovian son of the Marchioness of Milford Haven is a rising star in the land development department at the headquarters of Savills estate agents in London. At 27, he demonstrates far more than just shades of the man James might have been had his life not ended abruptly at the age of 21 in December 2006, when he shot himself during a family gathering. The two shared a love of sport and were as close as brothers can be. ‘He told me pretty much everything,’ says Harry, ‘but I didn’t know that he was harbouring sad thoughts and couldn’t bring himself to speak about how he was suffering.’

The fact that a relatively large proportion of suicides are among young men like James may be no comfort, but it is a call to action. Harry’s daily two-hour workouts are conducted with three close friends as they prepare to take on one of the world’s toughest endurance races: the Talisker Whisky Atlantic Challenge, rowing 3,000 miles from the Canary Islands to Antigua. Sleep deprivation, exhaustion and monotony will make this as much a test of mental strength as physical: each team member will row two hours on, two hours off nonstop for around six weeks. The aim is to raise £300,000 for the first in a series of non-clinical crisis centres called James’s Place. Had such a resource existed in 2006, the family believe James’s life could have been saved.

‘People are often surprised that suicide is the biggest killer of young men,’ says Harry. Every year in the UK more than 6,000 people take their own lives; 22 per cent are men aged between 16 and 24. James’s death was out of character for the person his family knew. Ten years on, the only way they can explain it to themselves is that James was too proud and private to tell anyone the extent to which he was suffering, and that he was also very impulsive.

James wasn’t a drug user and had no history of depression; he’d been popular at Harrow and then at Newcastle University, and had celebrated his 21st birthday in August with a surf-themed fancy-dress party. (In a bittersweet coincidence, pictures of his party, which was attended by Princess Beatrice, appeared in Tatler the month he died.) His default mode was sunny and gregarious. He was a talented polo player, a daredevil with an unstoppable sense of adventure. ‘If there was a bungee jump, he’d be the first to go,’ says Harry. James had been out of sorts after a routine operation to correct a varicose vein in one of his testicles ten days previously, but hadn’t hinted at anything serious. ‘We thought, “This doesn’t make sense,”’ says Harry.

The brothers and their younger sister Louisa grew up as part of a happily blended family. Their parents – venture capitalist Nick and former Tatler journalist Clare – divorced amicably in 1996. Clare went on to marry George Mountbatten, Marquess of Milford Haven, a cousin of the Queen, who was divorced with two children. Nick married Dutch-born solicitor Millie Brenninkmeyer and they had three more children. Of the eight siblings, James was the eldest.

On 15 December 2006, Harry, James and Louisa had been at the Milford Haven family home near Petersfield. That afternoon the whole clan travelled to Nick’s house in Worcestershire for the weekend. James drove Harry and their stepbrother Harry Medina. ‘I was with James for the last two hours of his life,’ says Harry. ‘For the first half hour, I was awake; we chatted and he was fine. Then I had a sleep and I woke up when we got to the other end.’ By 9pm, shortly after they arrived, James was dead. ‘That’s the only thing that I kick myself for, if I’d stayed awake… I should have, but…’ he breaks off, squeezing his eyes. Harry went with his stepbrother to fetch a beer from the kitchen. Neither heard the shot but picked up on a sense of panic when a woman helping in the kitchen told them there had been a terrible accident involving one of the guests and not to go to the front door. ‘I wanted to know what was going on, so I went up there and it became clear that it was James who’d had the accident. My dad and stepdad were with him in the doorway. I had Mum with me. We made sure we didn’t look at him;

I didn’t want that memory of him. I remember my dad coming over looking very shocked and saying, “I can’t believe it. James is dead.”’ James had taken a gun from the cabinet (he had his own gun and knew where the key was kept). The family could not yet comprehend that this was no accident. However, in the days that followed it emerged that a few days earlier James had attended an NHS walk-in centre. He told the consultant that he was feeling suicidal, ‘and they referred him to A&E as a [low-priority] category-four case,’ says Harry, still incredulous. ‘He said that he was in a life-threatening situation and the hospital’s approach was the equivalent of [dealing with] a child with a toothache.’ James didn’t hang around to be treated. ‘He probably thought, “Come on, pull yourself together, you’re fine, pick yourself up and crack on…” and he walked out.’

The family discovered from emails to his surgeon that James was extremely concerned that his operation had gone wrong and that he might be impotent as a result. He went to his GP, who tried to reassure him, but James seemed unable to free himself from the spiraling negative thoughts. He had never had a general anaesthetic before – Clare doesn’t discount the effect the drugs might have had. James wasn’t one to bottle up his emotions, but Harry believes his silence at this time was down to pride. ‘I think he couldn’t wait to be a dad – it’s the sort of thing he would have loved. He just convinced himself the operation had gone badly. It is tragic because we could have had those conversations and I’d like to think that we could have brought him round.’

Harry finds it bizarre that were flu the biggest killer of young men, there would be clinics in every town, whereas for mental health there is nothing comparable. James’s Place aims to fill that void. The initiative is run by Clare, who, with Nick, heads The James Wentworth-Stanley Memorial Fund, allocating donations to mental health projects. The charity’s first stand-alone venture will be pilot centres in Liverpool and Durham next year. ‘Once we prove the model, what’s to say we can’t have a James’s Place in every major city?’ says Harry. The target of £300,000 will be enough to set up and run one centre for a year. Harry’s employer Savills is a major sponsor, as is the swimwear brand Orlebar Brown. But they are not yet even halfway to their target. Clare is working round the clock to make it happen, says Harry proudly. ‘Mum is determined. She will pull it off.’

James’s death changed everyone; for Harry came the realisation that he was now head of the sibling clan. ‘My sister was at such a vulnerable age – just 13, not old enough to know how to deal with it but still old enough to understand. I felt huge responsibility towards her, and also to my step- and half-siblings.’

That sense of responsibility extended towards Clare, too. ‘That night I remember thinking, “How is Mum going to ever get over this?” She felt an awful sense of guilt.’ Somehow they got through the funeral and Christmas. Every day Harry would receive a phone call from one of his friends – among them Toby and Sam, classmates from Harrow who will row with him – to check how he was doing. Clare had bereavement counselling and asked Harry and Louisa to try a session. They did, but concluded that they would rather talk with friends.

Harry’s clear memory of that night is a sense of dread that James’s death might tear the family apart. He needn’t have worried. ‘I have been amazed by the ability of my family to cope and to not let this

destroy them. Often people feel a sense of guilt if a family member has taken their own life and it’s, like, “We must be partly responsible, we can’t talk about this.” Our approach has been the opposite; we are not going to bottle it up. If I’ve learnt anything from James, it’s that if you don’t communicate your feelings the pressure within will build until it’s unbearable. The important thing is never to let it get to that stage.’

The family has never stopped talking about James. At every get-together, it is guaranteed someone will raise a toast and share a story. Many of the siblings and cousins have a ‘J’ tattoo – Harry’s sits discreetly beneath his watch on his wrist. James’s belongings, too, are very much part of Harry’s present. He is currently training in a T-shirt that James bought traveling in Patagonia. ‘When he died, I moved into his room. I didn’t even take his clothes out of the drawer, I just started wearing them. For a long time, James’s clothes still smelled like him; that was comforting.’

Was there pressure for Harry to live for James? The two had almost identical interests. Harry went to the University of Leeds to study Spanish and business management – the same course that James took at Newcastle. (It was at Leeds that Harry met the third of his crewmates – Rory – and dated Cressida Bonas.) Like James, Harry went to Argentina for a year, ‘because I knew he would want me to go there’. And now, Row for James – which, by coincidence, begins on 14 December, almost ten years to the day since James died – a challenge Harry chose because it had ‘James all over it. He probably would have already done it, that’s how confident I am that he would have loved this.’

When Harry was selecting his crewmates, rowing ability wasn’t top of the list. (In fact, only Rory has experience as an oarsman.) ‘Firstly they had to be good friends, and secondly it’s all about what’s going on up here,’ he says, tapping his head. ‘There is something symbolic in that we are young men working in high-pressure environments – we all fit the demographic of men who might find themselves in a rut and be driven to do something dreadful. We are going to be faced with difficult mental challenges and we will need to support each other.’

Despite suffering immense loss, Harry has been fortunate never to have experienced truly dark times. ‘That’s not to say that I never will – who knows what can knock you off guard? I feel that I understand much better how the mind works as a result of James and this experience.’

Does he look back on James’s death as an accident? He sighs. ‘It was an impulsive moment. He is kicking himself looking down, seeing us all enjoying ourselves, going on the row, seeing Crystal Palace – his football team – doing well. Those are the sorts of things where I think, “You’re such a stupid idiot.” I know he would regret it. It wasn’t an accident but it could have been prevented. Suicide is preventable.

‘A mother’s story’

Clare Milford Haven, 56, is mother to Harry and Louisa

and an international polo player. She co-founded The James

Wentworth-Stanley Memorial Fund in memory of James.

Clare sits on the Advisory Group for the government’s National

Suicide Prevention Strategy.

When James died, the grief was so intense that if you scratched the surface of my skin, you would reach the pain just beneath. Now, the waves of grief that used to threaten to almost drown me are less frequent, but still intense. I recognise that James was seriously unwell and perhaps if we had been more aware about mental illness and suicide, we might have had a better chance of saving him. But then again, maybe not. Suicidal thoughts are complex and not easily visible, even to the most highly trained eye.

As a mother, I feel I should have been able to save my son from himself. I knew James as well as anyone and having had him when I was only 24, we had, in a sense, ‘grown up’ together. I have learnt to live with the negative emotions following his death because I have no other option. In a bizarre way,

challenging myself physically through playing polo and skiing has helped me to come to terms with the daily emotional challenge of James’s death.

As a boy, James was always more gregarious and Harry was a little more reserved. It’s fair to say that Harry was slightly in his brother’s shadow until James’s death forced him into a role that he had never expected to assume. The day after James died, I asked Harry if he was OK and he replied, “I am OK, Mum, but my biggest fear is that this is going to destroy you and if it does, it will destroy everything.” I realised that I had to keep everything together and that we had to get through this in a positive way. Harry and I have become incredibly close since James’s death and I can rely on him for support, although I would never wish to burden him.

When Harry told me about his plan to row the Atlantic, I wasn’t happy at all. It was the first time that our relationship has been a little strained. It scares the living daylights out of me. I don’t think I will sleep a wink until I see him arrive safely in Antigua.

Had James had somewhere to go when he was feeling suicidal, the outcome might have been different. When he was sent to A&E, his fate was already sealed. A&E is brilliant for physical trauma but not emotional trauma. I went to visit Pieta House, a suicide and self-harm crisis centre in Ireland, and saw what they achieve there with free counselling in an environment that is calm and non-clinical, manned by trained volunteers and qualified clinicians. This is what I want to achieve with James’s Place. It will be for people experiencing emotional or suicidal crises – not those with a long-standing mental health issue who are already receiving help.Around two thirds of people who take their lives every year are not in touch with mental health services and they are the ones I want to reach. Men are three times as likely to kill themselves as women, so James’s Place will be geared towards men. We need to encourage men to share their problems like women do. A stiff upper lip serves no purpose when you are screaming inside. That old adage ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ is so, so true.

The Mail Online - 11 Sept 2016

"My brother couldn't speak about how he was suffering': Harry Wentworth-Stanley on the tragedy that shook his world."

The Evening Standard - 12 July 2016

"Harry Wentworth-Stanley on rowing across the Atlantic in memory of his brother James."

On the day James Wentworth-Stanley died, he and his younger brother Harry drove to their father’s house for a Christmas party. Harry, who was 17 then, remembers: “I fell asleep in thecar, which I kick myself for now. I had no idea that James was feeling depressed.” After they had arrived, Harry says: “I went to get a beer for us. The woman helping to cook rushed in and told us there had been a terrible accident. I wanted to go look but she told me not to.” While Harry was in the kitchen, James had taken a shotgun from his father’s safe, walked out of the house and shot himself. He was 21.

“It was a whirlwind from there,” says Harry, who was with his parents when it happened. They are Clare Mountbatten, a close friend of the Duchess of York, and Nick Wentworth-Stanley, a former Lloyd’s Insurance boss. “My initial reaction was that this was going to rip through our family and pull us apart,” says Harry. “You struggle to even register what you’ve been told. Suddenly life was not quite as it was before.” Later, his mother found a suicide note “scrumpled up in the bin” in James’s room at Newcastle University, where he was reading Spanish and business studies and was known as “The Golden Boy”.

Harry has not seen it and says, “I don’t know if I necessarily want to. For James it might have been a moment of madness and a split-second decision, which I think it could have been because he was impulsive like that.”

Ten days before his death James had an operation to correct a varicocele, an abnormal enlargement of the veins draining one of his testicles. It went well but Harry later discovered that James had been unsettled by it. “He went to an NHS walk-in centre and the doctor’s note says he was feeling suicidal. They sent him to A&E. He sat in the waiting room and I imagine that after an hour he walked out because he wasn’t seen. A&E is not the right place for someone with mental-health troubles.”

On December 15 it will be 10 years since James died. Harry, now 27, works in property development at Savills estate agency and lives in Notting Hill. To mark the date he and some friends are rowing 3,000 miles across the Atlantic from the Canary Islands to Antigua. Tomorrow they begin a 36-hour row-a-thon in Canary Wharf as part of their training. The aim is to raise money for and awareness of James’s Place, a network of walk-in centres where people in emotional distress can see experts at short notice.

“The row would have been right up James’s street,” says Harry. “Itwouldn’t have been up mine but I had to do something to honour his name. As my older brother he always pushed me — in a good way. He has made me a more outgoing, adventurous person. But James struggled to be able to communicate how he was feeling. Had he been able to I’m sure we could have got him beyond doing what he did.”

James and Harry grew up in Battersea and supported each other through their parents’ divorce — James was a Crystal Palace fan who made Harry support Tottenham Hotspur because Palace were “his thing”. They both went to Harrow and, Harry says, “James was always there to help me. He showed me how to play football. He was funny. If you were at dinner he would be in the middle of the conversation.”

He had a girlfriend, who Harry is still in touch with. “She visits his grave. I feel for her because the family had each other for support but she was slightly on her own when it happened.”

When Harry meets new people he says he is “very open about James. The more people who know James’s story the better. If there’s anything James has taught me it’s to communicate. Men put pressure on themselves. That, combined with too much pride and not wanting to show weakness, means you get into a spiral where you are putting strain on yourself but are incapable of talking and relieving it.”

It was the strength of Harry’s family that got him through and he says he is more protective of them now. James’s death helped him grow up “and appreciate that life is short so you have to make the most of the opportunities in front of you. When I meet my cousins one of the first things we do is raise a glass to James. I think of him every day and will forever do all I can to prevent more people doing what James did.”

Motorboat & Yachting Magazine - 1 Nov 2016

'Row for James £300,000 transatlantic bid.'

Personal Trainer Magazine - 5 Sept 2016

"Four friends take on an epic challenge for charity"

Midhurst & Petworth Observer - 1 Jun 2016

‘Harry takes on the world’s greatest challenge in memory of his brother’

Milland’s Harry Wentworth-Stanley who lost his brother to suicide is taking on a gruelling challenge to mark the tenth anniversary of his death.

Harry, son of Clare Milford-Haven and Nick Wentworth-Stanley, is taking on the Talisker Whiskey Atlantic Challenge with three friends rowing 3,000 miles, 24 hours of rowing a day, across the Atlantic. They are taking on the feat in December in aid of the James Wentworth-Stanley Memorial Fund to raise awareness of depression, anxiety and suicide in young people and, in particular, young men.

Captain of the team, Harry lost his brother James at the age of 21 and says the challenge will live up to his outgoing and adventurous side. “If James was still alive he would have been top of my list of people to row an ocean with,” said Harry. “He had an amazing thirst for adventure and would always push himself to new limits – rowing the Atlantic has his name written all over it! In the weeks and months before he died, I had no idea that, behind his cheery grin, James was hurting. I also had no idea suicide is the biggest killer of young men in this country. James is my inspiration for taking on this challenge – both to do him proud and to raise money in his name to help prevent others from suicide. When times are tough during our crossing he will inspire me to push on and keep going.” Harry’s team will be one of 20 from around the world competing to cross in the fastest time.

The voyage is considered to be one of the world’s toughest challenges, pushing those who attempt it to their limits. Many more people have climbed Everest, reached the North Pole or ventured into space than have successfully rowed the Atlantic. ‘Row For James’ have set themselves the target of winning this year’s race and will be competing in the same boat rowed to victory by ‘Ocean Reunion’ in the 2015 race.

The Row For James team is aiming to raise more than £300,000 for the fund which will be put towards the process of setting up the first in a series of non-clinical crisis centres for those at high risk of suicide, to be known as ‘James’s Place’ – a service that does not currently exist in the UK.

Patient Info - 30 Jun 2016

"We're rowing 3,000miles across the Atlantic in James' name"

The Belfast Telegraph - 23 Aug 16

"The death of my brother made me appreciate life"

The Gazette New - 23 May 2016

'Little Maplestead man rowing Atlantic in memory of friend.'

A LITTLE Maplestead man is taking part in an unassisted row across the Atlantic in memory of a friend who committed suicide. The group of four will be taking on the feat in December as part of the Talisker Whiskey Atlantic Challenge, in aid of the James Wentworth-Stanley Memorial Fund to raise awareness for depression, anxiety and suicide in young people and in particular young men.

The captain of the team, Harry Wentworth-Stanley, lost his brother James, 21, to suicide in 2006. Ever since he has been on the lookout for a challenge to mark the tenth anniversary of James’s death and one which would live up to his brother’s outgoing and adventurous side. Harry will be joined by Rory Buchanan, Sam Greenly and Toby Fenwicke-Clennell. Toby, 27, of Little Maplestead, said: "In society today there is still a level of stigma attached to the subject of mental health.

"This makes it hard to talk about openly, which is something I have personally experienced.

"I am passionate that the success of this campaign will ultimately raise awareness for

this sensitive subject, and hopefully help many for whom an exit from that spiral of depression can seem impossible.

"It is with this in mind that I will find extra strength at particularly tough times during the row."

The Talisker Whiskey Atlantic Challenge is a test of mental and physical endurance, where 20 teams from around the world compete to cross the North Atlantic in the fastest time. Row For James have set themselves the target of winning this year’s race and will be competing in the very same boat rowed to victory by Ocean Reunion in the 2015 race. Row For James are aiming to raise in excess of £300,000 for the charity, which equates to £100 for every mile rowed. The money will be put towards the process of setting up the first in a series of nonclinical crisis centres for those at high risk of suicide, to be known as "James’s Place" – a service that does not currently exist in the UK. To sponsor them and find out more information, visit rowforjames.com.

Essex Chronicle - 23 Jun 2016

'Men’s bid to row Atlantic for mental health Charity'

The Evening Standard online - 12 July 2016

"Harry Wentworth-Stanley on rowing across the Atlantic in memory of his brother James."

On the day James Wentworth-Stanley died, he and his younger brother Harry drove to their father’s house for a Christmas party. Harry, who was 17 then, remembers: “I fell asleep in thecar, which I kick myself for now. I had no idea that James was feeling depressed.” After they had arrived, Harry says: “I went to get a beer for us. The woman helping to cook rushed in and told us there had been a terrible accident. I wanted to go look but she told me not to.” While Harry was in the kitchen, James had taken a shotgun from his father’s safe, walked out of the house and shot himself. He was 21.

“It was a whirlwind from there,” says Harry, who was with his parents when it happened. They are Clare Mountbatten, a close friend of the Duchess of York, and Nick Wentworth-Stanley, a former Lloyd’s Insurance boss. “My initial reaction was that this was going to rip through our family and pull us apart,” says Harry. “You struggle to even register what you’ve been told. Suddenly life was not quite as it was before.” Later, his mother found a suicide note “scrumpled up in the bin” in James’s room at Newcastle University, where he was reading Spanish and business studies and was known as “The Golden Boy”.

Harry has not seen it and says, “I don’t know if I necessarily want to. For James it might have been a moment of madness and a split-second decision, which I think it could have been because he was impulsive like that.”

Ten days before his death James had an operation to correct a varicocele, an abnormal enlargement of the veins draining one of his testicles. It went well but Harry later discovered that James had been unsettled by it. “He went to an NHS walk-in centre and the doctor’s note says he was feeling suicidal. They sent him to A&E. He sat in the waiting room and I imagine that after an hour he walked out because he wasn’t seen. A&E is not the right place for someone with mental-health troubles.”

On December 15 it will be 10 years since James died. Harry, now 27, works in property development at Savills estate agency and lives in Notting Hill. To mark the date he and some friends are rowing 3,000 miles across the Atlantic from the Canary Islands to Antigua. Tomorrow they begin a 36-hour row-a-thon in Canary Wharf as part of their training. The aim is to raise money for and awareness of James’s Place, a network of walk-in centres where people in emotional distress can see experts at short notice.

“The row would have been right up James’s street,” says Harry. “Itwouldn’t have been up mine but I had to do something to honour his name. As my older brother he always pushed me — in a good way. He has made me a more outgoing, adventurous person. But James struggled to be able to communicate how he was feeling. Had he been able to I’m sure we could have got him beyond doing what he did.”

James and Harry grew up in Battersea and supported each other through their parents’ divorce — James was a Crystal Palace fan who made Harry support Tottenham Hotspur because Palace were “his thing”. They both went to Harrow and, Harry says, “James was always there to help me. He showed me how to play football. He was funny. If you were at dinner he would be in the middle of the conversation.”

He had a girlfriend, who Harry is still in touch with. “She visits his grave. I feel for her because the family had each other for support but she was slightly on her own when it happened.”

When Harry meets new people he says he is “very open about James. The more people who know James’s story the better. If there’s anything James has taught me it’s to communicate. Men put pressure on themselves. That, combined with too much pride and not wanting to show weakness, means you get into a spiral where you are putting strain on yourself but are incapable of talking and relieving it.”

It was the strength of Harry’s family that got him through and he says he is more protective of them now. James’s death helped him grow up “and appreciate that life is short so you have to make the most of the opportunities in front of you. When I meet my cousins one of the first things we do is raise a glass to James. I think of him every day and will forever do all I can to prevent more people doing what James did.”

The Huffington Post - 16 Nov 2016

Four Friends. For James.

For Suicide Prevention

Gentlemans Journal - 24 Nov 2016

"The Gentleman taking on the challenge of a life time in aid of suicide prevention."

Tatler - 01 Dec 2016

'The Rowing Boys'

ITV - 22 Jan 2017

"Friends raise half a million for suicide charity in 'world's toughest rowing race"