Gays are poofs says Putin, and don’t exist in Russia

‘Female’ Russian shot put champion, Fanny Veryharious, famous for her hairy armpits and manly physique, not to mention the bulge in ‘her’ knickers today added his/her weight to the Soviet anti-gay government line.

“There are absolutely no gays in Russia whatsoever.” said Fanny. “Hitler and Stalin eliminated all undesirable elements of humanity in my country and now everything is macho and perfect.”

“I can say and do what the fuck I like” said Mr Putin “because I control the energy lines to Europe.”

Meanwhile, nimby anti-fracking protesters in the UK are determined to keep energy prices high for normal families.

“I would rather pay Mr Putin’s prices than have fracking” said a stupid shouty hippy person.

“Obviously, preferably, I would want someone to discover a great way of harnessing and supplying power at low cost and with little damage to the environment.”

9-year old student Nicola Tesla, who claims to have discovered the ultimate free energy source, was committed to a lunatic asylum yesterday.