My Ex

Lust in Translation.

You are like a pig of medium size.

I dated Andres from Torino, Italy out of boredom. He was cute enough, spoke very little English, and expected nothing of me. Really, according to my friend Tina, the perfect man, "...calm and dumb."
His three most outstanding traits both attracted and repulsed me; vacuum sealed jeans, overt public displays of fornication, and the ability to say the wrong thing.
The first time I took him home he became very excited. I walked over to see what had piqued his interest. Andres was standing over a framed photograph of my sister. Pointing at it he said, "She looks just like my girlfriend in Italy!" I shook my head, and said "Shhhh, baby. Say no more,” then lead him to the bed.
Andres was due to return to Italy at the end of the summer. Our last shared August afternoon was spent enjoying a Thai feast and a stroll through Georgetown. As we ambled down the sidewalk, I let out an odoriferous and thundering burp. Andres turned to me and said, "You are like a pig of medium size." I smiled, took him by the arm and said, "Andres I will miss you."