David Beckham To Actually Read A Book

Superstar David Beckham has shocked the world by announcing his intention to read a book.

The former England inadequate admitted that he has spent most of his retirement wandering about his mansion lost, looking for the exit.

He said: “I have never read a book, and until now didn’t really know how to go about it.

“I have tackled many challenges in life, such as playing football and wearing clothes, but actually reading something in my own language has scared the life out of me.”

Asked what he has chosen to read, Beckham revealed that he didn’t know there was more than one book.

He said: “I honestly didn’t realise there was more than one. My wife had to explain to me that there is a whole industry, in which people, who don’t play football or sing for a living, write stories that people read.

“I didn’t believe her at first, but then she showed me the truth and it blew me away.

“Apparently, people have written books about me, and even books about her. I had to sit down and call my parents. I couldn’t stop crying, I was very emotional.

“I never went to school or even figured out how to watch TV, so I really have no concept of things like reading books or walking and talking at the same time.

“It can all get a bit much for me.”

A source close to the family revealed that Manchester United legend David will now be tutored alongside his daughter Harper.

“David is of course very excited about going to the early learning centre with his little girl.

“There is no doubt that he will be scared at first or even asked to leave because he is holding the other kids back.

“But, with all his money and power, we are sure he will be able to employ some sort of home schooling where he learns the colours of the rainbow and the difference between right and wrong.”