Lea Michele’s Nipples Are Auto-Tuned

You get a pass for any music you like in middle school because you’re dumb and confused and trying to fit in and figure out who you’re supposed to fuck in this world. I suppose there are some girls, and some boys who haven’t yet written a moving letter to the dad they thought would never accept their love of glitter, who think Lea Michele is the bomb. They probably don’t know or don’t care how the mere sound of Lea’s un-modulated whine drove Dead Cory Monteith to any early grave. That her re-purposed junk tunes are now being sold as an expression of her emotional fortitude in the face of her lost love. They probably don’t even give a shit that Lea’s nipples look like the misshapen Hershey’s kiss that gets through the QA process down in Mexico, Pennsylvania. They just want to wrap themselves in her hair extensions and cry for their togetherness vaginas. I get it. I teared up when the Macho Man died. I can no longer judge.