Vehicle

As if having airplanes covered with the cat-with-no-mouth wasn’t bad enough, the shipping industry feels that they should also get into the act of torturing most of society. A company called Star Cruises has launched a Hello Kitty themed cruise on two of its ships (the SuperStar Virgo and SuperStar Libra) that will run through December 29, 2013. The excruciating painful trip will include having to spend time on the ship with Dear Daniel, My Melody and Bad Batz Maru along with the evil feline, as well as a musical show, breakfast meetings, teatime parties and story telling time. No doubt people will be vomiting long before anyone gets sea sick, and probably before the ship even leaves port…

While it’s bad enough having to live with Kitty chan existing in this world, imagine the horrifying terror that would be experienced being stuck on a ship with her and her fanatic friends for an entire week? My guess is that there would be a lot of significant others jumping overboard knowing that being eaten alive by sharks would be far less painful than having to survive the entire cruise. One more thing to fear if you ever find yourself in Hello Kitty Hell…

There are many ways to ruin a car. For fanatics of the one-with-no-mouth, this is an everyday occurrence that they seem able to accomplish without even giving it a second thought. For the true fanatic, however, simply ruining a car is far too mundane. They want to take it to a level that not only makes everyone ask “wtf? Why would anyone do that?” but also makes them cringe that something like it exists in the world.

If we are truly being honest with ourselves, I guess we should have seen this coming. With all the different cars sporting the evil feline’s face these days, and the fact that she also has her own line of engine oil, is it really a surprise that there now exists a Hello Kitty engine?

We can only hope that this either blows up (as distinct possibility if they are putting the HK engine oil into it) or that someone takes pity on the world and places this vehicle into a car compactor. Until then, we have one more example of the Hello Kitty Hellish world we live in…

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, EVA Air has announced a new jet route which will bring a newly designed Boeing 777-300ER Hello Kitty plane to the US by way of Los Angeles. the new route begins September 18, 2013. For those of you who thought that Europe has escaped this catastrophe, they may have done so only for a brief moment. The airline has expressed its desire to torture European countries with an evil feline plane in the future as well.

As if the plane itself isn’t bad enough, EVA air has announced that they will be inviting a group of fanatics to fly on this maiden flight who will be able to get on-board autographs from Yuko Yamaguchi, guaranteeing that the plane will be the absolute worst place that anyone could ever imagine being. In fact, if the government was smart, they would require that any known terrorists be placed on that flight because there seriously couldn’t be any worse torture dealt upon a human being (of course, this can’t be done because even terrorists have some human rights).

I guess all we can do now is hope the pilot takes pity on the rest of us and wanders into no-fly-zone airspace and gets the plane shot down, but that would indicate that there is actually hope in the world dominated by the cat-with-no-mouth. Everyone, take out the barf bags because you’re going to need them.

Yet again, the evil feline shows that she can’t leave a bad idea alone. After torturing an entire city with a Hello Kitty tram, anyone with even an ounce of sense would have hoped that this eye-gouging worthy sight would never have to be seen again. Of course, Sanrio couldn’t leave those in Europe as the only ones with scarred minds, so they decided to see if a Hello Kitty street car in Australia would have similar effects:

What is worse than a Hello Kitty car? A Hello Kitty car where you are more horrifically distressed inside it than those are on the outside looking at the paint job (and believe me, the people on the outside are trembling with fear). This is why you never let a Hello Kitty fanatic decorate the interior of a car:

We are all well aware that the evil feline has taken over both land and air. It appears that she isn’t satisfied with these two domains and that she also has set her sites on water with the Hello Kitty sailboat:

I guess it’s sort of appropriate that EVA Air has announced today that they will once again start flying Hello Kitty planes since this is the time of the year when things that you thought were long dead come back to life in order to both haunt you and eat your brain (something that the evil feline seems quite adept at doing). Yes, there will be a Hello Kitty plane once again to torture all those that have the unfortunate curse of actually knowing a fanatic that would think this is a good thing. Supposedly there are going to be 3 different Hello Kitty airplanes (just to increase the pain to the next level) that will be based out of the place that also gives the world the Hello Kitty airport, although Eva Air unveiled only this Hello Kitty plane pattern today:

I knew that I would probably regret putting together a photo album of all the different Hello Kitty cars that exist, and it sure didn’t take long for the regret to arrive in my email. No sooner had Sammy Bear on facebook asked the question, “Out of all the cars so far…where is a Prius? just saying” did this a Hello Kitty Prius photo show up (like anyone would doubt that a Hello Kitty Toyota Prius existed…)

Antonio Garay is a 6-foot-4, 320-pound NFL defender. Usually I would have nothing bad to say about someone who could undoubtedly do me great physical harm, but Antonio also proudly drives a Hello Kitty smart car:

I’m not sure exactly what the obsession is with Hello Kitty and cars (then again, I don’t understand the obsession with Hello Kitty and anything, so that isn’t saying much), but there is an annoying trend of branding every car accessory possible with the evil feline. The Hello Kitty exhaust pipe, Hello Kitty car headlights and, of course, Hello Kitty car rims are just a few of many examples. Add the Hello Kitty car door lock to the mix of these hideous car accessories:

You probably believe that when the end of the world arrives, things are going to get bad. What you don’t realise is just how bad that may be. I have no doubt this is exactly what you will see staring at you — and you will instantly know that there is no hope.

One would think that with all the Hello Kitty cars that already exist in the world (Hello Kitty Ferrari, Hello Kitty Pick-Up Truck and Hello Kitty VW Bug to name just a few — and I know you really don’t want me to go on which, unfortunately, I could…), that the evil feline would finally decide that there would not be a need for any more. Of course, you would be wrong. Apparently Honda has jumped in bed with Hello Kitty to create the Hello Kitty Honda Fit:

My wife has failed in her attempts to get me a Hello Kitty bike with Hello Kitty bike tires, but that has not stopped her from trying to Hello Kittify my current bike. Her latest attempt was placing this reflector of the evil feline on the back of both of our bikes. While my wife insists that the Hello Kitty reflector is there for safety reasons, my guess is that having this on our bikes has greatly increased the potential of getting hit as motorists now take direct aim at us…

You know that the results are not going to be good when a Hello Kitty fanatic has a lot of money. The one fact that we could console ourselves with when seeing the Hello Kitty Ferrari was that it was photoshopped, but you knew it was simply a matter of time that a Hello Kitty fanatic with a lot of money thought that making a real Hello Kitty Ferrari would be a good idea. If you love cars, simply walk away at this point and don’t come back because you won’t be able to undo what you have just seen:

It has always seemed that Hello Kitty has been subtly letting me know how she feels about me. While my wife insists that the 1974 pose is Hello Kitty sucking her finger, it seems that she is doing something a little different with her middle finger to me. Well, it turns out that the evil feline has decided to end the subtleties and let everyone know exactly how she feels about them. Welcome the true feelings Hello Kitty has for you: