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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Well, folks, it's Monday. And as if that weren't bad enough, we were all robbed - ROBBED, I say - of one entire hour over the weekend. A whole hour! It should be one hour earlier than it is right now, but it's not! Who signed off on this?! What evil mastermind convinced the US government that a nation of grumpy sleep-deprived workers was a *good* thing?

Do you know what I could have done with that extra hour today? DO YOU?

Well, neither do I, but this blog being what it is, we both know it's going to have something to do with cake.

THINGS I COULD DO WITH THE HOUR SO SHAMELESSLY STOLEN FROM ME:

- Buy enough goldfish to refill this wedding cake:

(Ok, picture this: Finding Nemo, except instead of a dentist's office the gang all live in a bakery's wedding cake display. I CALLED IT FIRST, DISNEY.)

- Write at least 6 or 8 puns on how these cookies look like the Sorting Hat made out of poop:

"HUFFLEPOOP!"

- Write a compelling argument for why a cupcake decorated with another cupcake impaled on top of the first cupcake with a straw through them both is basically the Inception of cupcakes.

If the yellow candle falls over we'll know this isn't real.

- Photoshop the perfect couple's portrait:

Unnng, you're liking that shoulder, aren't you, Robert Pattinson? Yeeeah. C'mon, let's go sit in the back row of that school bus and stare moodily at each other.

- Find out who is manufacturing cake flotsam in the form of tiny digital projectors:

...Mostly so I can find the person responsible and shake his or her hand. And maybe order a few dozen for my next Jem and the Holograms party.

- Plan a Jem and the Holograms Party.

Poor Stormer.

The best thing about this Jem cake is that it gives me an excuse to link to this one. GOOD TIMES.

And finally, if I had my stolen hour back I could ...

- Stack all of these "wedding donuts":

... before explaining to the bride that ideas like THIS are why we as a nation can't have nice things.

Reader Comments (77)

I have three girls who have (seriously??) discovered Jem and The Holograms on Netflix. This means that I have been watching Jem and the Holograms on Netflix. I just have one question. What is Rio's deal?! Is he in love with Jem or Jerrica? He needs to make up his mind!!

If people put gerbils or finches in grocerystorebakeryweddingcake displays, everyone would be up in arms. Can you imagine the uproar if a grocerystorebakery decided to place puppies and kittens in their confections? taehutlkkkkkkkmttcfrsdjkflcsmdsjk;f Sorry, I dozed off and my head hit the keyboard.People would flip out, but stick a few goldfish in there and nobody gives a damn. It sickens me. Does anyone know if you're supposed to eat the fish with the cake. Perhaps it's some sort of cultural thing. Maybe the bride and groom freeze the goldfish and thaw them out on their first anniversary. If the fish come back to life the marriage will be a joke. If the fish are goners, the marriage will be a farce. Either way it will fail, because the bride and groom are idiots. Wait, I've got it!: All of the single ladies toss ping pong balls at the cake and the first to get one into the fish tier is the next to own a goldfish.

Number two does not look like a sorting hat made of poop to me. It just looks like poop.

All I'll say is, I object to the government stealing an hour of my time for over half a year and then returning it WITHOUT INTEREST OR PENALTY. If I borrow money, I am routinely drowned in fees, charges, and interest payments. If I borrowed money for over six months, MADE NO PAYMENTS IN ALL THAT TIME, and then simply handed back the amount I'd borrowed, I'd be drawn and quartered.

So this Spring, I expect at least two hours in return. Expect? No, like Samuel T. Cogley, Attorney at Law, I demand it.

@bmbagain803 - The guy looking at what may as well be his mom is Robert Pattinson. I believe he's in character as Edward the vampire and he's just scoping out what looks to be an ample source of sustenance.

You should move to Arizona, where we get to feel smug twice a year when everyone else tries to meddle with the space-time continuum. (Okay, also Hawaii, Puerto Rico, Guam, the Virgin Islands, and American Samoa.)

You should move to Arizona, where we get to feel smug twice a year when everyone else tries to meddle with the space-time continuum. (Okay, also Hawaii, Puerto Rico, Guam, the Virgin Islands, and American Samoa.)

One of the (admittedly few) great things about living in AZ... NO DAYLIGHT SAVING! Only because it is always bright in the wee hours of the morning and late evening so, honestly, doing daylight saving here would be ridiculous.

#1: I thought that bottom, uh, layer contained a pile of dead goldfish or perhaps a small animal's entire intestinal tract, but no it appears to be a flower. Whew. That's okay then. Except, not.

#2: " You could be great, you know. It's all here in your head. And Slythurine will help you on the way to greatness, there's no doubt about that. No? Well, if you're sure, better be...Gryffindooky!"

#3: Every time I see that cake, I like it a little more. There's, uh, the character that Robert Pattinson plays, drooling over the woman's shoulder and giving it the smoldering eyes and then there's The Bus Driver, "Yeah, yeah, I'll take a picture with you, but can you move it along, kid? I've only got 3 minutes before school's out and I'm gonna need every ounce of this nicotine to deal with the little hellions."

#5: If I didn't have previous examples of the wreckerator's 'y', I would have thought the birthday person's name is Tarrn, or perhaps Tarjrn.

#6: Bride to Wedding Planner: "I've been reading this blog about confectionary blunders, so I'm a little afraid to purchase a cake for the wedding. Even a sheet cake with flowers and the word, "Congratulations" could go horribly wrong! BUT! I think I've found a way to avoid getting on Cake Wrecks..."

I swear I just felt the earth move under my feet. Nothing tumblin' down, tumblin' down, though. Off to the earthquake site to see what's shakin', or perhaps it's time to give up coffee all together. : - / Aha! I was right. 5.1 in La Quinta.

Well Jen, you always start my day off with a laugh. And, yeah, I totally agree. I hate DST with the fury of a thousand suns. Just not enough to move to Arizona. ;)If you're interested, there's a petition at the White House to eliminate daylight savings time. Here's the link:https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/eliminate-bi-annual-time-change-caused-daylight-savings-time/ShChxpKh

OK, so I clicked on the link that said "this one" under Taryn's cake and watched both videos. Many questions came to mind: Who IS this TV show host? Who was deranged enough to give him a show? What on earth was he singing? Why on earth was the audience clapping? What was that metal screen thing behind him. And what did it have to do with his song?

I woke up this morning with a sinus headache so bad, I have spent my time since then trying not to throw up. That video didn't help! So now I am off to take a nap and reclaim my lost hour of sleep.

I always wondered about the whole fish thing if people understand that without oxygen the fish will die. Oxygen has to travel to the water, even to goldfish. And Betta fish breathe air, so put a top on a tank of them and they die. Since there is NO way of cutting holes in the cake to give the fish air, all of them are doomed to death. And if the air thing wasn't an issue, how about the fact that fish NEVER belong next to a cake, any cake! Unless they are super cute and made from sugar

Maybe the bride's grandfather is Mr. Dunkin - or whoever that guy was schlumping around in the commercials - time to make the donuts...time to make the donuts. And it was an homage to her now deceased, but beloved kin? Or their first date was at Tim Horton's? Or they own a Krispy Kreme franchise? PLEASE - let there be a reason for the madness!!

Which being duly translated means, this is like moving one time zone east, only I don't get to go anywhere. A 7-month case of jet lag, and it's all Ben Franklin's fault. He even proposed firing off cannons to wake people up, since the invention of the clock radio was still...a lot of years in the future.

The worst thing about time change: just when you finally adapt, you have to change it back, which means it gets dark right after lunch. I propose that the first Monday after time change be a national holiday. Are there any...seconds?

#1 Fish appreciate being fed from time to time (so I've heard), only in this case it ain't happening because the display would have to be disassembled and reassembled, and Cart Wrangling Person is busy. According to legend, Cart Wrangling Person said, "let them eat cake," after which there was an execution in the manager's office.

#2 No.

#3 Was someone channeling the SL for this?

#4 The Mom Transportation Service. Act up at the prom, this is how you're going home. Just try to live it down.

#5 Let's face it: A miniature digital projector (which so ought to be real) is way cooler than a pencil sharpener masquerading as a CD player.

#7 A wedding cake of doughnuts, done properly, would be one of the ten Best Ideas Ever. This? Not so much. A wedding cake of cheeseburgers would also be one of the ten Best Ideas Ever. You'd just have to find some way to keep them hot. Maybe make them and stack them, then keep setting the clock back until the last one is consumed. That way, they're always 'fresh'. Yeah, that should work.

I'm going to go looking for this Franklin guy, right after I finish my nap.

@TLC-Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!I didn't click on the link under Taryn's cake because I thought it was just a Jem clip and really, how many Jem clips do you need to see in one year? (3) Then I read your post and I realized it MUST be a link to the Trololo Guy (may he rest in peace.) I LOVE theTrololo Guy (may he rest in peace.) I really, really love Slowed Down Trololo Guy and If it weren't for you, I would have missed him (may he rest slowly in peace.) Yes, I know I can always just find him on Youtube, but it's not the same. This was like a little gift.Thanks again!

Apologies to Jen. I should have known that if you post a link, I need to see the link. Amen.