Musings and stories from a 40-something year old slut newbie

Same sex experience

MMFs are my favorite sexual situation. They just turn me on and I don’t find having an extra person weird or awkward in any way (I kind of do with MFF). But they’re the hardest to arrange IMO. Finding 2 guys who are on the same page with the amount, type, or limitations on physical contact is…daunting. And then, when you do, getting them BOTH to show up at the appointed time is even more difficult.

Last night I had set up an MMF with Hot Bi Guy and a guy I had messaged with in the past who reappeared who just looks so all american innocent…but, around 6pm, I got a message from the new guy that he had a million things in the air and he wasn’t going to know if he could make it until much later. Well…I had also been in a 3way chat with Hot Bi Guy and another guy who I had been messaging forever. Since all american innocent guy had asked first about setting something up for Tuesday, he had first dibs on my time. But with him looking unlikely, I needed an answer b/c at the same time, the other new guy was messaging me asking if by any chance things had fallen through and he could make an appearance. I didn’t really want to say to all american guy “are you in or are you out bc I have other options”, but finally he gave me an answer asking to reschedule. Whew. It was only 6:15 and I could ask the other new guy (he’ll be Teacher Guy from now on…b/c he’s a teacher) and Hot Bi Guy if that could be the new situation for the night.

Hot Bi Guy just rolled with it. He’s like…my dream 3rd for MMFs. He’s fucking gorgeous. Truly. I am seriously fine if he just comes over and lets me talk to him so that I can look at him. And he’s really nice and laid back. And he’s fine with whatever another guy is into…and he is cool with awkwardness and he’s just a perfect third.

Teacher guy showed up first, ostensibly to have a drink and get to know each other since we hadn’t met and Hot Bi Guy and I had. I actually thought he meant have a drink, but within 5-10 min, my pants were at my ankles and he was eating me out. We eventually made it to my bedroom where I ended up naked, while he did everything he could to me with his clothes on. After I’d cum a couple times, Hot Bi Guy arrived. I was naked, Teacher guy was close to it and on top of me, so he just laid down next to me and joined in. Even though Teacher Guy had said he was into experimenting with a guy, he really didn’t seem to be. Which, while disappointing, was still fun as then all attention was on me.

Afterwards, Hot Bi Guy asked Teacher guy how old he was…Teacher guy is 25 and Hot Bi Guy is 27. I quickly did the math to make sure I’m younger than their ages combined (yes, I am). They kind of teased me about that – robbing the cradle and all…but men my age tend to be really sexually reserved in comparison. And not as respectful.

The only awkwardness really was at the end when we were all dressed and Hot Bi Guy and I are chatting about tattoos and medical school and Teacher Guy was like “oh, my lyft is here”. I mean, that’s fine. I didn’t expect a ton of lingering, but he was gone in a second. He did message me after saying he had fun. So, IDK. Hot Bi Guy gave me a hug on the way out and said “see you soon”…so yay, he seems down to keep on being my 3rd!

I had a moment or two of thinking how odd this is. I’m not someone anyone would expect would rush home from work to get ready for 2 guys to come over to see. And yet, it just seems like a way to have fun that is low pressure and high enjoyment. So it doesn’t actually feel weird. It would just sound crazy to anyone who knows me who doesn’t know this side of me (and maybe to a few who do).

I was just asked this on a dating app by someone I didn’t feel like responding to. It’s what I’ve decided (for now) to label myself where sex is on the table.

The easy answer is…I consider myself “straight”, but human attraction and chemistry isn’t based solely on genitalia, so if I’m attracted to a woman, that’s completely understandable and, if the attraction is mutual, there is no reason not to act on it.

So why don’t I go with “bi”? well, I don’t think I’ve earned that. Not because of lack of experience. But because I haven’t had to identify that way to anyone outside my bedroom. I get all the benefits of being heterosexual in society.

So, to me, heteroflexible feels like a comfortable label. I don’t get to co-opt someone else’s legitimate struggle for acceptance. I haven’t earned that right to ask for that level of acceptance within the LGBT community. Maybe someday I’ll do more than have sex with a woman and have to deal with the ramifications of dating a woman and then maybe I’ll have earned the bisexual label. But not yet. I don’t get that badge.

The funny thing is, if a guy said to me that he had had sex with another guy and enjoyed it, I would raise my eyebrow if he didn’t just accept he was bisexual. I don’t know if that makes me a hypocrite, or if I’m just recognizing that FF sex is less transgressive in our society than MM sex.

I was messaging with a lesbian friend today because an ex-boyfriend asked me today if I was dating her. We’d been mistaken for a couple the week before and she confessed that one of our mutual friends asked her if we were dating. I found it interesting simply because I’d never before had to navigate the assumptions that hanging out with another woman, as friends, must mean we’re dating. And here even an ex-boyfriend is wondering…

I don’t care if people think I’m lesbian or bi (or at least, I’m pretty sure I don’t…still formulating thoughts on the threesome, so that’s to come). Indeed, as I said to her, if people are going to assume something since I’m single and that seems to be something people struggle with understanding, I’d rather they think I’m in the closet as a lesbian or bisexual than that I’m just a slut, since the latter has more negative career implications for me.

And, is that fair that it should be that way?

The gay rights movement has done a great job with helping people understand that people are born with a certain orientation. But I think a lot of us recognize that, in doing this, it loses some nuance because, if you accept a Kinsey scale of sexuality, most of us are making some choices along the way.

And how many sexual partners one has is a choice. But it’s informed by innate desires. I’m not equating sexual orientation and sexual desire for multiple partners as being co-equal. That’s beyond my pay grade. I’m just pointing out that we’re now at a point where if I chose to be with a woman as my partner, no one I work with would say anything to my face and most wouldn’t say more than “I didn’t know she was gay” behind my back (which goes to the silent face of bisexuality, where bisexuals pass as straight if they’re with a partner of the opposite sex). But if I brought a different guy to every firm event, eyebrows would raise. Or if I said to someone at work “oh, this weekend I’m seeing two different guys”…

And I wonder if that’s fair? Why are we so sophisticated with the one choice, but not the other? And will we ever get to a place where it’s ok for a grown ass woman to make the choice to be a slut?

So, last night was the night…the threesome! For better or worse, the day started off crazy.I was kind of in the work survival mode until mid-afternoon, so I didn’t have much time to worry or stress. But once work got out of survival mode, I was definitely a little jittery…I couldn’t imagine how things would play out. I just kept telling myself that once we were naked, things typically work themselves out.

Part of me just wanted to go straight to their hotel room (they were staying in a hotel in the city anyway for something Saturday morning, so it all worked out well) and get it on. But they had proposed dinner first, so I went for a 3 mile run when I got home from work to work some stress out and then got ready and headed down to meet them for dinner. I did go to their hotel room, and then we headed out.

As someone who has never really been part of a swinging-type situation, “dating” a couple is weird. I mean, I’ve have so so so many dinners in life with friends and their husbands. Or couple friends. And it isn’t remotely sexual as I can’t even really see friends’ significant others as remotely on the table for anything…I respect relationships. And maybe that’s part of what has been really interesting to work through — making sure I respect the bond and also their decision to be open (in the way they’re comfortable being open). Anyway. we went to dinner and it was, as usual with them, comfortable and enjoyable. Good stories. We have similar senses of humor. I just enjoy them. And while I’ve found the woman very very attractive from the time we met, I was less sold on the guy. But he’s definitely grown on me.

So, after dinner, we go back to their hotel room and we’re all sitting on the bed chatting and drinking ginger beer mules (I’m not a big drinker, but did have 3 drinks last night – a lot for me. Not enough to be drunk at all, but enough to be more relaxed). I’d mentioned at dinner that I was getting a new tattoo today – that turned to a discussion that the woman had some tattoos and she kind of started to break the tension by taking off her shirt to show me her tattoos all over her back. I made sure to touch them to show some physical interest. Then they asked to see my tattoos, which required me pulling down my jeans to show my thigh. So…now we’re all done with our drinks and she asked if I wanted another…or if she could kiss me. Thank goodness someone knew how to direct! The guy was also new to the threesome thing, so her experience and directing was definitely appreciated and needed! Again, I really liked kissing her. Though it’s weird to be kissing someone smaller than me and with really long hair. I let my hands wander and that was more natural than I expected. She and her bf then started kissing and she then asked if I wanted to kiss them. While this wasn’t something I expected, I so appreciated her invitation to kiss him. It kept some of that understandable protectiveness out of things.

Anyway, we were soon all naked. It was one of those things where everyone kind of undressed themselves and it was sort of acknowledged that it’s a little awkward. But it really wasn’t awkward for most of the evening. A few highlights…omg. She was about as good as anyone ever as been at oral and fingering. Wow. When he started some fingering later, I was thinking “no comparison.” She asked before going down on me, which was both sweet and appreciated. I wanted her to go down on me! But I appreciated the way she seemed to care. And when I asked if I could go down on her, I said I’d never done that before…and she reassured me that I knew what I liked and would be just fine. And I think I was. It was interesting to feel a woman orgasm as I was stimulating her g spot and performing oral. Oh, hot too 🙂 I feel like I’m being super analytical, but it was all really fun and honestly more sweet and caring than a lot of the sex (even good sex!) that I’ve had lately. We all took different positions, all came, and then were all in a puddle at the end, cuddling…I’m not sure I came quite as hard as I sometimes do. But I had more of a consistent level of waves of orgasms for awhile.

We talked for awhile…they told me that they’d like to do this again, if I was open. Or just hang out, with or without clothes on. I assured them that I liked them both with and without clothes and would like to do the same. I thanked them for being such a great first threesome/first woman, and that it was really great for me. After cuddling awhile, we went for another round. Honestly, at this point, I was pretty tired, but it was really enjoyable and I had a few more mild orgasms.

They invited me to stay the night, but I was kind of worried the morning might make things weird and things were so good at that time, I decided to leave. Leave on a high note, right?

Anyway, I’ll leave things here…I am still thinking about how interesting the same sex experience was. It was obviously different, but not really, from heterosexual sex. I now get what my bi friends have said that it’s about the person, not the gender. I’m not saying I’m bi…but I am saying I get it. And I would like to explore this more and was wondering this morning if there would be circumstances under which the woman and I could just play together without her bf…because I think I’d like that.

So, last night was hopefully going to be my first threesome…but things didn’t go quite as planned. I got a message on Friday from the FWB I saw last Sunday that someone he’d had sex with tested positive for chlamydia. I appreciated him telling me and not waiting for his results to come back, but I wouldn’t ever put someone at potential risk, so I went in for testing (waiting), informed the guy I saw Tuesday, and told the couple about what was going on (the clinic proactively treated me anyway, so I should be fine soon either way…but obviously would prefer that I was negative all along. We used condoms, so that’s my hope).

Anyway, the couple still invited me out to their house to have dinner. I’ll admit that I was sort of like “ugh. Driving an hour to not even get any? Um. Bleh”. But I couldn’t really say that. 🙂 And I did enjoy their company before. So, drive out there I did. And it was great. We hung out. I got more comfortable with them. I do like them as people quite a bit.

And then she walked me out to my car and asked if she could kiss me. I was so blown away by her boldness…and kiss I did. And did some more. We kissed for awhile and, other than feeling weird about being taller, it was soooo good. My first girl kiss and it was amazing. So, I drove away, all giddy, turned on, and excited. And now we have to figure out another time to get together.

In retrospect, I’m glad things have gotten drawn out. Now I’m genuinely excited about THIS couple (and, especially THIS woman) and not just excited for a new experience.