Growing up I lived near my grandma. My grandma is the one who always took me to church because my parents didn't go. My dad didn't believe and mom was just too lazy. I had God up until my 9th grade year when my dad forced me to move to a different state. No more church. No more faith. At this time I started falling from Him. I became bi-curious and tried finding love in a new way besides males. I had been bullied so badly that no guys would even look at me. I thought girls might. So, I started liking them and I told everyone that I was born that way because at the time I believed it.

By 10th grade I had become officially by bi-sexual and had a girlfriend. My family started falling apart. Mom and dad started fighting none stop. Cigarettes all over the house and alcohol became a NORMAL thing. My half brother and dad got in fist fights. We partied every weekend. I'd go to school every Monday with a hangover since I drank from Friday to Sunday night. (Yes, at the age of 15 my dad let me get drunk. All of this stuff started in my 9thgrade year.) I had been dating this girl from seven months who was long distance. During the sixth month of dating her I had this dream:

At the time my parents were divorcing so mom was looking for a new place to live. In my dream, mom and I went to this house where everything in it was white. I told mom that I was going upstairs to pick my room out. This is where the dream shifted into something more- I made my way into one of the upstairs rooms and saw a black hole (looked as if a piano or boulder fell through it.) I thought "I'm not falling into that thing." I turned around to walk out but instead of leaving I feel into it. This hole had no ending. It was nothing. I was nothing. I was lost. I feel into darkness full of despair and heartache and nothing. And although I couldn't see a thing I kept my eyes up. I saw some beautiful clouds form above me. I can't even begin to describe how white they were. They should have hurt my eyes but they didn't. From the clouds came God's hands. I can't even begin to describe what they looked like either. He lifted me in his hands and started pulling me out of the bottomless pit of dispair(And didn't know what the pit of dispair was until much later in life)... As I was being lifted my body was still but my spirit was struggling. My spirit was moving in odd ways in His hands. My dream ended there.

When I woke up I had NO idea what it meant although I knew it was from God... Sadly, I didn't think much more of it. This dream plays importance later on in my testimony.

When I had broke up with this girl I got with yet another girl who lived closer to me. We smoked weed together, drank together, we snorted hydro's together, we did everything together. Our relationship went way down hill very fast. She started abusing me emotionally by threatening things or doing things or telling me things... She got VERY emotionally abusive...

In 11th grade, I had attempted suicide because of her. I tried to OD and I failed. I ended up in the ICU. (Mostly because of my girlfriend but also because of my family.) Some time later, I finally had enough of feeling like crap and I broke up with her.

My friend stayed a few days later after the break up and I was trying to get back with my other ex girlfriend. My friend noticed I was upset...I even cried in-front of her and I don't do that. I don't cry in-front of people. Not even when I lost my daughter I didn't cry in-front of my mom. But that day I broke down on her. Her name is Rachel. We were on my bed and she said. "Ashleigh. I think God is trying to tell you to stop." I said. "Stop what?" She said. "Dating girls. Ash I know you don't want to hear it but it's true." I didn't say anything... I remained quiet. And in the quiet I heard a name. 'Jeremiah' so I asked "Jeremiah is apart of the bible right?" She told me, yes. I said, "I think God wants me to read it..." So we searched for a bible then I went clueless. I said "Its a lot to read... what part am I supposed to read?" She told me to ask Him. I did. and that same voice, '6:15' So I turned to Jeremiah 6:15 which read "Were they ashamed when they had committed abomination? nay, they were not at all ashamed, neither could they blush: therefore they shall fall among them that fall: at the time that I punish them they shall be cast down, says the LORD." After that... I had no desire for girls. Not because I was scared. But because I knew God wanted me to be with Him again and that I had done wrong. That he still cared and loved me. He didn't want me going to a bad place that I belong with Him. Since then, I haven't like girls that way. At all.

After I read that verse I remembered my dream... about falling in the bottomless pit. In that dream I fell and God saved me. In that verse He told me to read it said I would fall. I did but not forever. God saved me like He did in my dream.

Now, I don't like girls, I don't drink, do drugs, I live for God, I'm on a different path. And since then God has blessed me greatly and shows Himself to me more and more everyday.

And that's my testimony.

It's a little rough because of how long it is. Believe me, it's been cropped down as much as I could possibly cut it down. I could make this the length of a novel to be honest.

larry2

Thank you for that testimony Ashleigh, and the thing is that God never did leave you during your self imposed separation, and He will never leave or forsake you even as you had become a prodigal son of Luke Chapter Fifteen. I have heard the testimony of many concerning times like that, and regardless of the depths they delved, or the distance they ran, God's voice continued to reach and draw them.

Thank you for that testimony Ashleigh, and the thing is that God never did leave you during your self imposed separation, and He will never leave or forsake you even as you had become a prodigal son of Luke Chapter Fifteen. I have heard the testimony of many concerning times like that, and regardless of the depths they delved, or the distance they ran, God's voice continued to reach and draw them.

Praise God you're home in Jesus' name.

Thank you, Larry. It's not easy sharing this testimony because it involves homosexuality. People tell me I lie and that I'm hypocritical and ungrateful because they don't believe it's wrong. I've had two girls about beat the crap outta me for it. God wanted me to tell them because of what they were doing..... Wellll, they about beat me up lol. I trusted in Him to keep me safe so I wasn't harmed (:

Thanks so much for sharing this Ashleigh! When you read Jeremiah and God spoke to you, I know that same fear you felt. Without the fear of God, we are left with nothing, fools don't fear God. I think this is wonderful because it's still the beginning for you and already you come across as more mature than Christians that have been Christian for decades. You are very blessed and I know for a fact that things will continue to get better for you, don't let anyone get you down because of their disbelief. People will mock and make fun but in the end, you will have the last laugh.

God will use your experience for good, and yes this world will persecute you for following Him. Please find the spiritual support you will need, this is not a journey we are to take alone, but with other believers.