Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Nestle foods recalled 879,565 lbs of lean cuisine chicken shit today because it contained ‘hard plastic materials,’ and they received reports of some injuries.

Oh, I thought it called recalled because its LEAN CUISINE. Get that nasty pre-processed garbage the fuck outta here. The only lean I consume is purple and comes in a Styrofoam cup YA DIG.

And how fucking stupid are you to eat hard plastic? Oh wow, this microwavable dinner looks simply decadent, especially the shiny foreign objects in the gravy. Get the fuck out, idiots, you deserve your injuries.

The digital age is upon us, whether major record labels like it or not. While few companies have attempted to revamp their cd sales by including extra content like DVD’s and posters along with the music, the majority have said ‘Fuck that,’ packaged the material the same way, slapped a 15.99 sticker on it, and expected people to continue buying albums out of respect for their favorite artist.

Most people don’t realize that artists hardly make anything off of album sales, so when you’re out there supporting whoever the fuck you like, you’re really supporting some old white guy that you’ve never heard of.

Don’t get me wrong, I like buying albums. But if I’m buying a major label record, I’m buying it because I want to have the actual CD, have the case, read the liner notes, etc, not because I think Nas is having trouble putting food on his table. Most of the time, the only cd’s I buy are from independent acts, hand to hand with the artist, because I know that 10 bucks is going directly in their pocket.

Anyways, despite music piracy becoming so incredibly popular and transforming into a seemingly unstoppable wave, the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) is still trying to stand against the Tsunami and suing every person they can. The most common victims? College students. Great Idea, let’s sue people who have NO MONEY, for swapping their Godspeed You Black Emperor! Mp3s.

Well, the vast majority of these 30,000 people who have been sued have settled out of court, to avoid the huge legal fees and damages of a high profile case going against a large entity like the RIAA, who employ lawyers that will most likely destroy your face.

Harvard law professor Charles Nesson decided to get involved in the action once he was asked to represent 24 year old grad student Joel Tenenbaum, who was being sued by the RIAA. Tenenbaum was accused of downloading at least seven songs. He attempted to settle the suit for 500.00, but the RIAA refused and demanded $12,000.00.

Nesson has since then decided to flex his Harvard sized brain muscles and take down the RIAA and their Digital Theft Deterrence and Copyright Damages Improvement Act, which allows them to sue illegal downloaders for $750.00-$30,000.00 for each infringement, and $150,000.00 for willful violation. He wants to get rid of this act because it allows a private organization to carry out civil enforcement of a criminal law, and the RIAA is effectively using the U.S. courts system as a low grade collections agency.

Charles Nesson gets mad props from me for this, and he’s completely correct. If “illegal downloading” is in fact illegal, then why the fuck are we being sued, and not charged with misdemeanors? I’m not saying the solution is to charge misdemeanors for taking a listen to that album before you decide to buy it, I’m saying the solution is for the RIAA to shut the fuck up and come up with something new and better to get their sales up.

Other people are doing really cool stuff, like selling CD’s of the live show that you just saw at the end of the concert. That’s awesome, and would surely boost sales. Throw some extra downloadable content on iTunes, which would cost campanies no duplication or packaging fees. Do something, aren't you guys smart? The longer you try to hold on to the past and sue people for downloading, the more people are just gonna get pissed off and not buy records just in spite of you. Adapt, or get the fuck out. And lets hope Nesson’s brain beats the shit out of your brain because if you ever try to come to my doorstep with some willful violation bullshit, it’s gonna be a lot more than brains getting the shit beat out of them.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Exoplanets. Two teams of scientists have taken pictures of 4 planets outside of our solar system, 3 orbitting the same star, and a 4th orbitting a different star. Lead scientist of one team, Bruce Macintosh said "[It's only a matter of time] before we get a dot that's blue and Earthlike...It is a step on that road to understand if there are other planets like Earth and potentially life out there."

Apparently Mr. Macintosh's list of credentials do not include reading this blog. Planets do not have to be earthlike to sustain life, broham. They have to be earthlike to sustain the carbon-based, consuming life forms that we understand. There are strange forms of life on other planes of existance that we can't understand on our own planet, like 'ghosts,' (that we say are disembodied spirits of dead humans, because we have no other explanation,) so you've almost got to be as narrow minded as the people who say there isn't life out there, to say alien life will be like us.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Mr. West, already notorious for his award show antics decided to one-up himself when he decided to relieve himself all over his dressing room carpet at the MTV Europe Awards. The best part about this was that he was actually sharing the dressing room with The Ting Tings. Awesome.

Kanye has since reported that he's changing his name to MASTER PEE and releasing the new single "Make 'em Say Eeewww (stop peeing on me, thats gross!)" this winter.

Hey, I've got terrible road rage. Car accidents are no fucking joke. If you put my fucking life in danger because you're 5 minutes late to your stupid ass job, or cut me off cause you're too busy gossiping with stacy on your iphone to pay attention to the road, I'm going to put your fucking life in danger WITH MY FUCKING FISTS, IDIOT. No, I'm not overreacting. People DIE. In fact, it's the number one cause of death for people my age.

And on top of that, a few days ago some fucking redneck asshole decided to make an illegal lane change, go straight from a right turn only lane, and do this to my car.

Suprisingly, I didn't murder that fucker that night, so I've been thirsty for blood, and extremely agitated behind the wheel.

Today, some fucking little piece of shit decided to almost strike my vehicle again. I was heading down a road, and he tried to pull out in front of me and take a left heading the opposite direction. I slammed on the breaks, he slammed on his, I gave him the "What the fuck?" gesture, and to my suprise, he gave it back to me, and then the gave me the finger.

I don't know what neck of the woods this pussies from, but in my bear infested corner, that means "Hey, we've got a problem here that can only be solved by fighting."

So I pulled over, jumped out of my car and started to run towards his.

Pussy boy peels out, almost hits another vehicle and screeches away in his fucking Civic.

I was gonna let it go, but he rolls his window down, yells something, and gives me the finger again from about 2 blocks away. Real Tough Guy.

That behavior is completely unnacceptable so I took it on myself to teach this pussy a lesson. I noticed that he was pulling out from a Fitness Center's parking lot, so I went in, checked my emotions and became super charming. I described the dude and the car, told the girl at the front desk that he had dropped his cell phone, and I wanted to return it. I told her that I really didn't have much better stuff to do and I'm sure he'd really appreciate it, and convinced her to give me his address.

You should've seen the look on the dudes face when I knocked on the door. At first he tried to act like he didn't recognize me, but as soon as I went to grab him by the throat he tried to slam the door and threatened to call the police.

I broke the door down, and dragged the piece of shit outside. He was actually a pretty decent sized guy, but he had bitchmade written all over him. I gave him the old hockey style beatdown, broke his middle finger to all fuck, kicked him in the mouth with my timbs, pissed on his car, stole the beer out of his fridge and rode off into the sunset like a motherfucker mack daddy.

If you didn't know, there's a bunch of crazy fish species invading american waterways, multiplying at incredible rates, eating everything, and fucking up the ecosystems. This includes the Asian Carp, seen above, that can grow up to 100 lbs. Well apparently, the Asian Carp invasion has been tracked to around 50 miles away from the Great Lakes. If they do enter, scientist believe that their voracious appetite could deplete other fish's food supply, and cause catostrophic, irreversible damage to the Lakes' food chains, and in turn absolutely destroy the Great Lakes multi-billion dollar fishing industry.

The Asian Carp is like the AIDS of the fish world.

They say the solution is to cut off the carp's path to the Great Lakes. WRONG.

The real solution is to introduce another new species, another Asian species, that will fuck the Carp up and keep them in check.

JAPANESE GOBLIN SHARK.

Hey, Great Lakes Fisheries Committee, no thanks needed, just some of those BILLIONS i saved you. HOLLER.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

So today I was watching some television, and I came across a commercial. Yeah, poor remote skills, I know, but hear me out. I saw a commercial for Subway, the sandwich shop. In the commercial, it showed a thin, attractive, white, proffesional woman order the 'meal that makes her butt look bigger,' from 'made-up-fast-food-chain.' Congrats, Subway, on making a terrible ad. First of all, you don't know what your fucking target audience is. Do you really think health freaks who buy organic vegetables and work out 5 days a week are actually going to come to subway for lunch? Do you really think that attractive young proffesionals really want the meatball classic, or any type of fast food? You're stupid then. People who buy fast food, buy fast food because it's fast and cheap, not because it's healthy. You might get the occasional guy who comes in there who orders a double meat double cheese bacon ranch club because he saw Jared lose weight doing it, but at the end of the day, we all know that that dude is a fucking idiot, and nobody goes to Subway to lose weight.

And on top of that what fucking era do the heads of subway ad's live in? The 'make my butt bigger meal,' is like free fucking advertising for your competetitors! Are you fucking serious? Big Butt = Amazing to everybody under 50 years of age. Girls in my generation get butt implants.

If your making adds that say your competitors make girls butts look like this, you might as well give up now, because I'm heading to Mickey D's right now to scope out the next FHM Model, you morons.

I guess you're trying to really bring in that 50+ crowd with these ad's but for real, you're like giving up on trying to be popular. Whoever's in charge of your ad department needs to be fired immeadielty.

Over the past week I've become a huge fan of crediting everything good that happens to presidential elect, Barack Obama. Gas prices below $2.00? OBAMA'D. I found $20.00 in my jeans? OBAMA'D. Vikings beat the Packers? Coincidence? I THINK NOT!

it's just a matter of time before we stop world hunger, pave our streets in platinum and create a car that runs on joy.

I think it's a bad idea to have Sheek and Styles come out on the same day. Are they really trying to take album sales from eachother? They've got the exact same fans, so whats the point of making them choose between the two of them? Bad decision, in my oppinion. Anyways, I expect all 4 of these to be dope, but not game changing, just solid efforts from tried and true veterans.

11/18/08

Wu-Tang Clan - Wu-Story Of The Wu-Tang Clan

Is this going to be a compilation of old tracks? Whats going on? I figured ever since 8 diagrams and all the controversy and problems there'd be no way to get the whole clan back together on an album. I need to find out more before i can even begin to wonder if its worth peeping.

It's weird, i think that aceyalone and luda are two of the most underrated in the game. I'm from the midwest, so I can't speak on how Aceyalone is viewed on the West Coast where I'm sure he's god-like, but here, he's forgotten by so-called heads who are quick to recognize acts like Del Tha Funkee Homosapien, and Murs when giving props to the West Coast. I put Luda into a different category of emcee as Aceyalone, but he too is quickly forgotten when people talk about Lil Wayne, Young Jeezy and T.I, ad the Kings of the South. I really don't think either of these two guys should be forgotten. I expect that they'll both put out pretty good albums, which they've both done for quite some time now. Aceyalone and Luda are both kind of like 'old dependable,' for their respective regions and sub-genres. Mad heads are gonna get mad at me for putting Luda on the same playing feiled as Aceyalone, but the truth is, most Luda fans aren't gonna know who Ace is, and if you really got beef with Luda, it's because you're a backpacker, or you don't like his content. Dude is a legit, dope emcee with incredible commanding mic presence and a mad animated flow.

Kanye is gonna disappoint everybody but the 3 hipsters who find his new shit to be awesome. We all know there's gonna be those guys who think his new shit is awesome and experimental and taking hip-hop in a new direction. WRONG. it's taking pop in a more hip-hop direction, and sorry kanye, that shit's been played out since Timbaland, and Timbo's way better at it than you. Autotune sucks, and your new style, however catchy it is, is going to be looked back on as a fad/joke, similar to the No Limit Records' super gaudy cd covers. I know samples are getting harder to clear, but is it really that much to ask for a new 'heart of the city?' I want to hear more of the Kanye who used to hang out with Common and Talib Kweli, not the new Kanye who hangs out with Lil' Wayne and T-Pain.

I'm not really sure what Sir Paul has been up to, but how can anybody sleep on an album by him? Coldplay, Death Cab and Weezer are personal farvorites (obvious choices for a casual fan) but i'm really interested in what Rivers' has got to say ever since i read in Spin Magazine that He's HUGE into hip-hop and writes mad hip-hop verses.

12/02/08

Scarface - EmeritusNeil Young - Sugar Mountain: Live At Canterbury

Scarface is one of the GOAT's whether you want to admit it or not. and unlike a lot of his older school contemporaries, his new albums are actually valid and fucking dope. 'MADE' proved that he's better than everybody from his state, and everybody in his age range.

Neil Young live @ Canterbury = legend @ the place that i play cards at. can't really go wrong. not a big fan of his music, but there's the off chance you'll here me go "FUCK THAT," after my pocket queens got cracked by 10-4 off suit.

Common and Messy Marv coming out on the same day? ILL. Well, they're not really going to take sales away from eachother, but FUCK, these are my two most anticpated albums off this whole list. I fucking love Common. I mean, i actually liked 'Electric Circus,' so that should tell you something about how I feel about the Chicago Legend. Common Sense is the face of concious hip-hop, and ever since those GAP commercials he has every 'Todd and Brian' riding his dick, but he hasn't fallen off. For every head who says 'Like Water For Chocolate' is Comm's best effort, there's another cat who says that 'B.E.' is a bonafide classic. I personally didn't give 'Finding Forever' the time it deserved, so I'm really excited for his new joint. On the other hand, Messy is that dude. Orange Juice and a Blunt for breakfast. I recognize that he's not the most complex or profound emcee, but I love all the shit that this dude puts out. I can't put my finger on exactly why he stands out, but dude really controls the mic. He kind of reminds me of a Juicy J, or Devin the Dude. Not because they all have alliteration in their names, but because all three are able to deliver relatively cliche messages with pretty poor (technically speaking) emcee techniques, yet still captivate listeners. That's got to be cretited to swagger and personality, which Marv's got a ton of.

I don't really know what to say about the EPMD record. They've created some classics, but I'll be honest, I've never been that big a fan. The next time we'll see Eric Sermon on television will be when he's paying homage to some more influential act on VH1's hip-hop honors. And don't get it twisted, I think Eric Sermon's pretty good, but he's my least favorite member out the Def Squad, and Ireally aint checking for him. Lets hope I'm wrong. (don't crucify me for this.)

I'm really not that big a fan of Musiq or Sigur Rios either. I just figured they're a big enough deal in their respective genre's that i'd give 'em a look. I'll probably like the Sigur Rios album a lot more than Musiq's.

12/10/08

D-Block - D-Block

This should be good. I've been a fan of D-Block since they were called the L.O.X. As far as gun-toting gangster rap, it doesn't get much better than this. Jada, Styles, and Sheek are all pretty dope solo, but are even better together. Let's hope every single track on the D-Block album sounds like the 2007 Beanie Sigel/Styles P joint 'U Aint Ready' because then it'll be the grittiest dopest shit ever, and album of the year, according to every gangster ass d-boy with a d-eagle this side of the mason dixon line.

12/16/08

Ghostface Killah - Ghostdeini The GreatUGK - UGK For Life50 Cent - Before I Self DestructJadakiss - The Last KissHeavy D - VibesAnthony Hamilton - The Point Of It All

Ghostface is gonna be Ghostface. Dope east coast beats with some slang shit that i'm not gonna figure out till a few months after the albums been released. I've never really been disappointed by a Ghostface release, but I haven't been as impressed with his newer drops. It's hard to say that none of Supreme Clientelle, Bulletproof Wallets, or Ironman aren't classics or near classics, so Pretty Toney, Fishscale and the Big Doe Rehab kind of pale in comparison. They're not bad, just not the same. Let's hope Tony Starks can revert back to his old ways and rock this new shit. At the mention of Ghostface I really wonder where 'Only Built For Cuban Linx 2' is at, or what's happening with it. Part of me thinks it'll never come out, and part of me think's its a good thing. I mean it's just going to have to compete with the original, and it'll have to be near perfect to do that.

R.I.P. Pimp C. Posthumous Albums always have a hard sell for me. The majority of the time, the songs on the albums weren't good enough to be released when the artist was alive, and got scrapped on the cutting room floor. As an artist, I realize that there are a lot of actual dope songs that get scrapped because they didn't fit the overall feel for the album, or whatever. Lets hope this is the case for the new tracks off UGK's new album. Hopefully this album helps solidfy Pimp C's status as a legendary southern act, and help Bun-B earn some well deserved mainstream success.

Jada's album is gonna be like any Jada album. he's gonna have a handful of bland concept tracks (the song about a girl, the 'political' song, and the sentimental song about his dead homie or family member,) but in the end, it's gonna be Jada being Jada, dropping clever punchlines about the size of his guns or his rims. I feel Jada's one of the best at doing that, so I really don't care about his lack of versatility. You don't tell Dwight Howard that dunking is getting old, do you?

50 cent. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. I've got a strong feeling that this album is going to be pretty bad, and here's why. On top of his album's getting progressively worse, I think a tell-tale sign that this album is gonna be huff is 50's new Reality TV show, 'The Money and The Power.' Reality television has been used to market artists and bands before, but they're usually brand new or little know bands, using television to acquaint themselves with viewers, not former megastars like 50 Cent. I think Fif's using this show as a sorry attempt to rekindle the love affair the MTV generation had with him a few years back, but I think it's a little too late. Half singing/half mumbling over Scott Storch beats isn't dope anymore, and you're gonna be to proud to try to fit into today's trends. Plus, Fifty's spending more time marketing and promoting than writing good songs, so his new effort is going to be even more stale and boring than 'Curtis,' and not the comeback record that G-Unit and Aftermath fans are saying it will be. Sorry FIF, Get Rich or Die Trying was a classic, but it wasn't Illmatic, and Before I Self Destruct will not be Stillmatic. I really don't think you're that bad. In fact, I think you're one of the most entertaining celebrities in the world, and maybe you, like Sean Combs before you has found a nitch in the entertainment game with your reality tv show, rather than the rap game.

I Like anthony hamilton, and i'd feel like a scrub if i didn't have HEAVY D on my list. I mean honestly, i'll peep it, enjoy it for half an hour, and be done, but it's difficult to disregard a legend.

We also got Jay-Z, Eminem, and Dr. Dre supposedly dropping albums. In a perfect world, they'll all be amazing, but we'll find out soon enough.