Monday, 30 September 2013

So, these are my thoughts on the Flowers in the Attic meeting for book club, which was my pick because I read for the first time in sixth class, at the age of eleven, and had all the fond memories. We at book club discussed the problematic text and regaled eavesdroppers with talk of perfectly blonde incest and overwritten descriptions of things. It was a while ago, so instead of doing a point by point recap of our wonderful donllanganging, I have decided to make a list.

LIST OF AWESOME STUFF IN FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC
1. Corrine. Daft as a very expensive brush, shallow as a very expensive puddle.More beautiful than either of those things. Ultimately too selfish to not plot to murder her children with donuts. Although, if I had to go, I wouldn't be averse to donut-poisoning. As opposed to, like, a brutal stabbing. Assassins take note.
2. Steamer trunks full of old tat.
3. Cathy's hair. Pride of her father, glory of her head. Spite and tar could not erase it's corn-silk waterfallish splendor.
4. Sexy young Bart with his wealth and moustache. He's a lawyer. Hubba-hubba. Amirite? I would have kissed him too.
5.The bit when the Grandmother gave them a real flower for their fake garden. Because it told you she had a heart. Just one that thoroughly disapproved of having children by one's half-uncle.
6. This sentence: "On the attic walls, in our beautiful garden of paper flowers, we pasted up the epileptic snail beside the fierce and menacing worm."
7. Christopher Dollenganger, according to Cathy. And Corrine. And everyone. He was like Todd out of sweet-valley high, only better. His potent masculinity too soon sniffed out. I want a candle in the wind written specially for him that begins "Goodbye, Sexy Dad..."
8. The Swan bed. Where all the fun sins happen.
9. When Cathy got the sleep-shift off Bart.
10. Mickey the mouse, and basically everything Cory did. He was the Manic Pixie Dream twin of the book, with his banjo playing and his quirky death. Rest in peace, Good Twin.

Lists are great, aren't they? From shopping to sex-brothers, everything can go on one. And get ticked off. Speaking of ticked off, some people did not enjoy the glorious child-abusey romp what VC Andrews done wrote. Here is a list for them.

LIST OF NOT SO AWESOME STUFF IN FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC
1. Corrine. she swans about, marrying her half-uncle like it ain't no thing and THEN she lands handsome Bart. He was, like EIGHT YEARS YOUNGER THAN HER you guys. It's basically child-abuse. Oh, wait...
2. Christopher and Cathy. The YA couple no-one ever shipped.
3. Carrie. Shrill much?
4. Christopher. And his organ. And his talk about his organ. And it being okay because he wants to be a doctor. Doctors do not get to be doctors by staring at their sisters in the jacks. That is not how life works.
5. Rape. And feelings of guilt/ complicitness in said rape thereafter. Poor Cathy.
6. The bit where they test the donuts on Mickey. Oh God.
7. Christopher Dollanganger Snr. according to common sense. "Come greet me with kisses, if you love me!"
8. I really feel that we should have gotten to see the Grandmother flog Corrine, instead of reading about it second hand. It would have been like Clash of the Titans only satisfying.
9. The phrase: "a fresh virgin."
10. The blood drinking. Although, maybe that could be a marketing thing now, like with a sexy cover like twilighty-Wuthering Heights? The tagline could be "And you thought Bella and Edward were forbidden.."