Monday, April 19, 2010

Michael Phelps was recently spotted at a Baltimore Orioles game. It’s the clearest indication yet that he’s back on drugs.

Veteran coach Joe Paterno would like to see the Big Ten expand. That’s hardly surprising since he was also a big proponent for the U.S. adding a 14th state.

Roger Goodell and Ben Roethlisberger recently met for several hours in New York. Something tells us it probably wasn’t at a Hooters.

Fred Lewis scooped the media by announcing he had been traded via Facebook. The 30-year-old outfielder went onto state that he liked bananas and that he would be removing “Glass Tiger” from his list of favorite bands.

Health Subcommittee chairman Frank Pallone believes smokeless tobacco has no place in Major League Baseball. Then again, neither do the Nationals and they’re still allowed to play.

Edmonton has won the NHL draft lottery. The Oilers have narrowed down their choices between someone you’ve never heard of and someone whose name you’ll never be able to pronounce.

Creed singer Scott Stapp has recorded a song for the Florida Marlins. Haven’t their fans already suffered enough?

A high school in Texas is getting a new $60 million football stadium. It’s the most money spent on an amateur team since the NFL approved the sale of the Rams.

Jay-Z is suing David Ortiz, claiming the Red Sox star named his new nightclub after the mogul's chain of 40/40 clubs. The difference is that Jay-Z’s name refers to homeruns and steals while Ortiz’s name refers to the size of his breasts and hips.

Congress wants Major League Baseball to ban smokeless tobacco. Fans simply want Major League Baseball to ban the Orioles.

Bobby Valentines believes the Mets managerial job is not in his future. Given how he screwed it up the first time he probably wishes it wasn’t in his past either.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Prince, Newark, NJ Subj: NBA recordsWho holds the NBA record for the highest scoring average in a single season?

That honor belongs to Wilt Chamberlain, who averaged 50.4 points per game for the Philadelphia Warriors during the 1961-1962 season. The Big Dipper was so dominant that year that he also led the league in minutes, field goals, free throws, rebounds and over-all player efficiency while becoming the first player in the history of professional basketball to score 100 points in a single game. Despite his brilliance, Wilt wasn’t even named the league’s MVP. That honor instead went to Celtics center Bill Russell who led Boston to their fourth consecutive championship while contributing a mere 16.9 points per game. Although the pair may have been intense rivals on the court they were best of friends off of it. Russell was especially saddened when Wilt passed away from congestive heart failure in 1999. "I feel unspeakably injured," Russell said at the time. "I've lost a dear and exceptional friend and an important part of my life. Our relationship was intensely personal. We had a genuinely fierce competition that was based on friendship and respect. We just loved playing against each other. The fierceness of the competition bonded us as friends for eternity."

Monday, April 12, 2010

Evander Holyfield knocked out Frans Botha to win the WBF Heavyweight Title. It’s the biggest victory Holyfield has had since the Civil War.

Texas Stadium has been reduced to a useless pile of dust… just like Jerry Jones.

Dwyane Wade reportedly lost $1.5 million on the sale of his South Florida home. Luckily playing for the Heat has prepared him well for dealing with big losses.

Butler has given Brad Stevens a 12-year, multimillion dollar deal to continue coaching the Bulldogs. That’s a lot of money for someone who’s not even old enough to shave.

Umpire Joe West has called the Yankees and Red Sox a disgrace to baseball. He’s obviously never had to officiate a Pirates-Nationals game.

Brewers pitcher Jeff Suppan is on the disabled list with a stiff neck after sleeping on a rolled-up towel. The veteran hurler said he learned his lesson and next time will sleep on Prince Fielder’s soft pillowy gut instead.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Randall, Homer Glen, ILSubj: What’s love got to do with it?There’s something I’ve always wanted to know. Why is a score of zero in tennis called "love"?

Like many things in life, you can blame the French for this one. The practice dates back to the 13th century when the fledging racket sport was sweeping the French countryside from Marseille to Calais. Players and spectators at the time noticed that a zero resembled an egg, so they began referring to it in their native dialect as “l’oeuf.” The word soon caught on and when tennis was introduced to the U.S. several hundred years later Americans misheard the term as “love.” This corrupted word has been an essential part of the game’s lexicon ever since.

About Me

Ryan Murphy's humorous articles and sports-themed jokes have appeared on more than 170 radio stations and 40 newspapers across the U.S. and Canada. He recognizes that life is hard and that's why he's here to help. Send in some questions and he'll offer some advice. On anything. Well, almost anything.