Lifestyle

1 Out of 4 People Friend-Request Before the First Date

When you’re on that first-ever first date, you have all kinds of questions: Should I hold her hand? Is a kiss goodnight too much to ask? How will I know if he likes me back?

On second dates and third dates, you begin to figure things out. That is, until digital communication complicates it even further. Suddenly you're not just waiting on a call, you’re also half-expecting a Facebook message or a Snapchat. And oh, good grief, what if you sent that naughty photo to the wrong person?

Along with the help of Survata, Mashable surveyed 3,000 participants on what they found acceptable and polite in regard to dating in the digital age.

You will be relieved to find that teens are sexting less than the college crowd (well, slightly less). Checking your phone on a first date is nearly universally unacceptable, while those in the younger age sets believe Facebook friending is entirely appropriate. Finally, married folks seem most wary of digital intimacy — tell us why in the comments.

Put That Smartphone Away

On a first date, 37.1% singles will check their phone if the date has left the room, but when you combine single people who say you should never check your phone on a first date (27.2%) and those who say only in emergencies (23.4%), the cut adds up to a notable 50.6%.

Opinions vary by age. Post-grad 20-somethings were most likely to check their phones away from a date’s gaze — 48.3% would pull out the phone to check for a text, emails or calls on a first date, compared to 36.7% of college-age and 34.2% of those in their 30s. No age group was especially open to checking phones any time they wanted, but in teens it was most acceptable at 15.7%, while the rate across age groups was 13.2%.

Would you consider turning off your phone (or putting it on airplane mode) for the duration of a first date? Would it improve your ability to get to know a new romantic partner?

The Kids Are Stalking Each Other

Facebook profiles hold juicy information — from a love interest’s favorite band to photos of a romantic outing with an ex. While some people use Facebook as a background check before the first date, others prefer to connect after they’ve gotten to know the person IRL — and there is no conclusive etiquette on when to send the friend request.

Friend requests skew later in the relationship for older folks. Of those college-age, 38.8% friend request before the first date, which drops to 26.2% for 20-somethings and 16.4% for those in their 30s. More than 30% of those over age 23 prefer to wait until after multiple dates. Across the board, only 12.5% prefer to wait until you mutually decide on relationship exclusivity.

Naturally, this begs a question: Would you turn down or cancel a first date because of what you saw on a Facebook profile?

Men, Eager for Commitment?

Announcing your relationship on Facebook seemed fun and romantic, until that angry/sad moment post-breakup when you finally removed your ex’s name from your profile, and were subsequently barraged with sympathy messages from friends.

While Facebook’s relationship status feature is hardly binding, most of us hold strong opinions on the best time to lock in your details — and conclusions vary from women to men. While 19.4% of men say it’s acceptable to become Facebook official after multiple dates, only 10.7% of women say the same; 78.5% of women say they’ll wait until they’re mutually exclusive, compared to 63.5% of men.

Still Waiting by the Phone

Carly Rae Jepson’s hit might not have resonated if it were titled “Text Me Maybe.” However, younger generations consider a text to only be slightly less acceptable than a phone call, when touching base with a love interest. Older generations still seem biased toward more traditional telephone use.

For those in their 30s, 35% say a phone call is an acceptable way to follow up with someone you’d be interested in dating after the first meeting, compared to 10% who think a text message is okay. For those in their 40s, there is even more contrast, with 47% preferring a phone call and 7.7% a text message. The gap narrows for 20-somethings — 23% say a phone call is acceptable, while 15% say the same for a text message. But for the younger set, the numbers are nearly equal — 16.4% of college-aged favor a call and 17% prefer a text, and teens found calls and texts equally acceptable at 18%, respectively.

Across the board, only 3.3% thought email was acceptable, and the percentage was fairly consistent across ages.

Who's Been Sexting?

Of those with a phone, 61.5% of men say they’ve never sexted, compared to 70.5% of women, so the practice is hardly mainstream.

But 17.5% of singles say they have engaged in both sending and receiving sexts, and the number jumps to 25.6% for those in a committed relationship. Don’t be quick to think more established love equals more sexting, though — for married people, only 9.2% say they’ve engaged in sexting. Married people are least likely to sext; those in (unmarried) committed relationships are most likely.

But could the certain overlap between marital status and age cause the drop in intimate digital exchanges? Of those over age 40, 9.5% say they’ve sent and received sexts, with the slice rising to 16% for those between ages 30 and 40.

When splitting the results by both age and relationship status, the results are consistent. In the over-30 crowd, 7.6% of marrieds reported engaging in sexting, compared to 15.3% of singles and 23.3% of those in committed relationships. For those under 30, 16.4% of those married had sent and received sexts, compared to 18.4% of singles and 26.8% in a committed relationship.

Since we didn’t factor in long-distance relationships and cohabitation, the separate living arrangements more common to committed relationships than wedded couples could perhaps account for the increase in sexting. Alternatively, singles might be more skeptical of sending intimate details digitally in fear of breaches of privacy such as revenge porn (although keep in mind many of these cases result from backlash following the end of a committed relationship).

Younger generations are generally more likely to sext, but not by much. It is most popular for those of college age, dropping a bit for 20-somethings and further for those in their 30s.

But in regard to age, at each bookend of those surveyed, the instances of sexting nearly mirrored.

For sexting teens specifically, those both in relationships and single say they sext — 18.2% and 12.4%, respectively. Those over 40 are similarly expressive with intimate texts — 19.1% in committed relationships say they sext, as do 12% who are single and 6.3% of those married.

Do you dare share your digital relationship practices. whether sexting, committing on social media or friend-requesting before the first date? Where do you fall on the spectrum? Spill your secrets in the comments.

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Mashable
is a leading source for news, information and resources for the Connected Generation. Mashable reports on the importance of digital innovation and how it empowers and inspires people around the world. Mashable's record 42 million unique visitors worldwide and 21 million social media followers are one of the most influential and engaged online communities. Founded in 2005, Mashable is headquartered in New York City with an office in San Francisco.