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Category Archives: Gratitude

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to request that for those of you where Phoenix is your final destination, you remain seated to allow those passengers with connections to other flights to make their exit as quickly as possible. We apologize for our flight delay and hope you can help us with this situation.”

What happened next was truly amazing, and a little inspiring.

But first, a little backstory.

We were on a full flight from Orange County to Phoenix. For me, the same flight I take home every-other-week. After we’d all boarded by group, and dealt with the overhead bin space getting filled to capacity, everyone was seated and buckled-in. The Captain came on, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Captain. We’re waiting for a maintenance check and some paperwork to be completed. I should have another update in 15 minutes.” And so, it began…

The Captain came on every 15 minutes to let us know that there was some progress, but that we weren’t ready to leave the gate. Luckily, this process only lasted an hour (I’ve seen this type of delay last a lot longer), and then we were ready to depart.

As I Iooked up from my movie (hey, I suddenly had more than the usual 54 minutes for this flight, so I was pretty settled-in to a nice movie even before we took off), I could see people around me checking their phones, assessing the delay time, and trying to figure out if they could still make their connection in Phoenix.

Other than ordering my standard Cran-Apple beverage, I didn’t pay much attention to anything but my movie until we were on final approach. Noise-cancelling earbuds sure are nice.

That’s when the request came: “Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to request that for those of you where Phoenix is your final destination, you remain seated to allow those passengers with connections to other flights to make their exit as quickly as possible. We apologize for our flight delay and hope you can help us out. Please ask your neighbor if they’re connecting and if they are, let’s try to do everything we can to help them get off the plane and make it to their connection.”

As we taxied, I asked my neighbor if he was connecting. “Yep, I’m heading to Des Moines.” I overheard a few others were headed to Minneapolis. One couple was heading for Albuquerque.

A plane full of passengers who’d basically ignored each other for the entire flight were talking and strategizing about how to help the “connectors” get off the plane. The conversations were happening all around me.

The true test came when we came to a complete stop at the gate. Would this new-found camaraderie lead to a change in the normal “airplane exit” behavior? Indeed, it did.

Row by row, the “connectors” were identified and shuffled to the aisle. We didn’t know anything about these passengers, other than their status as a “connector.” It turns out that some of them had stowed their bags in overhead bins that were many rows behind their seat (remember the full flight, full bin issue). This meant that their luggage had to be retrieved and shuttled forward through a very crowded plane. No problem. The requests were carried back, the bags identified, and then quickly shuttled forward by passing the bag from one passenger to another. An amazing feat of cooperation.

The “connectors” were exiting, bags in hand. Cries of “Save travels,” or “Good luck,” were heard all over the plane. As quickly as the exit process had started, the last of the “connectors,” who happened to be seated in the last row, made his way off the plane.

The exit aisle was empty, and we all sat, looking around to make sure we hadn’t missed anyone. The plane was still about two-thirds full.

The flight attendant came on, “That was amazing! Thank you all for helping your fellow passengers make their connections.” Satisfied smiles and little nods between passengers acknowledged what we’d just accomplished.

I don’t know if everyone made their connections, but I do know that they had a fighting chance because a group of people they didn’t know banded together and got them off that plane.

Scan the news and you’ll find examples of this happening every day. Complete strangers coming to the aid of other strangers, sometimes risking their lives in the process.

There are countless groups of strangers who come together to serve another, less fortunate, group of strangers. They may not make the news, but they make a difference.

For those brief moments, strangers become neighbors. They become honorary members of our family. Our focus is on solving the problem, rendering aid, lending a hand, or merely providing comfort.

We love them as we love ourselves.

It doesn’t matter that we don’t know the people we’re helping. They need our help and that’s all we need to know.

Humans are more sensitive to the suck than the awesome. We thrive on the negative. Bad news travels fastest. We assume and discount good news, so we don’t put much effort into spreading it…even to ourselves.

Measuring the suck is arbitrary and subjective. Something that sucked only 1% last week may suck 95% today when that 90-minute commute causes you to miss your daughter’s award ceremony.

Are you considering a job change? Just thinking about it means you’ve decided that the suck ratio is getting too high in your current job. So, a new opportunity or a new direction seems like a good idea.

The new opportunities have their own suck, whether you choose to see it or not. Sure, they have things you appreciate, but it’s easy to overvalue the good stuff and minimize the parts that suck.

It’s human nature to see only the “good” stuff that’s happening over there…and see only the things that suck, happening here.

The grass usually isn’t greener over there (wherever “there” is). It’s usually just another shade of green that looks greener today. The suck ratio is in play over there just as much as it is where you’re standing.

Does this mean we should never change jobs or career paths? Hardly. But, it’s important to keep some things in mind:

Every job has a suck ratio.

It’ll take a lot longer than you think to get good at your new job. Even longer before you become great at it. Until then, it’s suck ratio will be higher than you like.

It’s hard to see the suck from the outside. Suck only shows itself once you’re on the inside when it’s too late.

Don’t measure the suck every day. Suck measures are only accurate over the long-term.

It’s easy to find something that sucks today if we look hard enough. It’s just as easy to find something that’s awesome.

The effort we put into the search for suck or awesome dictates the one we find the most. That’s true for jobs, too.

Bruce Kerner loved to fish. He didn’t get to fish often. He was a sign painter for various studios and was away working on movies a lot. He and his family vacationed with us many times when I was a kid. Back then, vacation time meant Big Bend Resort on the Colorado River and day trips to Lake Havasu.

We’d get a cove on the lake and set up our day camp with a shade, lawn chairs, and coolers. Bruce always had a bunch of fishing gear that we’d bring ashore.

While the rest of us focused on swimming and water skiing, he focused on fishing. The pursuit. The exploration. Deciding which baits to try. Changing rigs. Trying new lures. Moving down the beach to a new location. Floating out in a rubber raft to cast near the “proper” pile of rocks.

He always had a look of contentment on his face as he stared at that place where the fishing line meets the water. Constant vigilance, looking for any sign of a bite. Maintaining soft hands to feel the slightest movement.

It didn’t matter that the fish usually showed little interest in his bait. For Bruce, fishing was more important than catching. When he did catch a fish, he was rarely prepared to keep it. Somehow, his stringer was always left back at the camp. He knew that as long as we had daylight, he could cast his bait out there another time.

Come to think of it, we fished at night as well. Down on the dock along the river, after dinner. A bunch of us would look across at the lights on the Arizona side and cast out. Our quarry on the river was catfish, and that meant stink-baits and lots of waiting.

Funny thing is we didn’t catch many catfish either. When we did, we’d get a flashlight out, or flick a Bic lighter, to see what we’d caught. The stringer? Usually up at the trailer. We weren’t prepared to keep anything we caught.

Sitting there in the dark, fishing pole in hand, staring up at the stars, a kid can learn a lot talking with a fisherman like Bruce. The meaning of patience. The dignity of discipline. How the journey is more important than the destination. How quiet time is a good time. The way opportunity meets preparation when that fish hits your bait. How stories about nothing can mean everything when they’re gone.

Bruce was taken away too early from this world by a heart attack, many years ago. I find him in my thoughts a lot around July 4th. That was one of the times each year that our families vacationed at the river.

When I think of Bruce, I remember the fishing and the laughter. I don’t remember the fish we caught.

What advice would you give to your 25-year-old self (or whatever age is about half your current age)?

For me, that was late-1992. I’d been married for four years. We had a two-year-old daughter, and our newest daughter had just arrived. We’d purchased our first home in 1990 (at the high-point in the market before a 5-year down cycle). I was about two years into my first management job, working in the healthcare industry.

Don’t change a thing! You’re about to be blessed with 25 years of awesomeness. You may not realize it while it’s happening, but trust me, it’s going to be amazing! You will face triumph and tragedy, hardship and happiness. Take lots of photos and videos so you can remember just how small your kids were and the things they used to say. You’ll get a kick out of the photos of yourself when you actually had hair and it wasn’t all gray.

Take time to write about the things you’re experiencing, what you’re thinking about, and what’s motivating you. These things will probably change as you get older and you might appreciate seeing where your thinking started compared to where it is in 25 years.

Be sure that you include the words, “Have Fun” in as many of your mission statements and plans as possible. These words are easy to forget while focusing on the day-to-day dramas that you will inevitably let drive your life.

Seek out mentors, and be a mentor to others. Find ways to serve others while never thinking of how you’ll be “paid back.” You’ll do a pretty good job at this, but it’ll take you many years to get started, and those are years you’ll never get back.

It’s okay to ask for help or admit that you don’t know everything. “Knowing everything” and getting the highest score in all your classes may have brought you straight A’s, but trust me when I tell you that you don’t know nearly as much as you think you do. You never will. Here’s a corollary: when you think you’ve thought about every angle of a problem, or come up with every contingency in considering a new strategy or idea, you haven’t. The only way you’ll ever approach a full understanding of a new strategy or idea is to get lots of other people involved. Have the patience and humility to do this on a regular basis.

You are surrounded by the love of God. You need to take the time I didn’t take at your age to realize it. The signs of His love are all around you. Stop and listen. Stop and look. Just stop. What are you running from? It’s going to take you another 20-plus years to realize this unless you follow my advice today.

When you look at starting that new home automation business (it’s a long story), remember that the most important question in any business, especially small businesses, is who is your customer and how will they find you? The next most important question is why should this elusive customer come to you for your service or product? Until you can answer these questions, you’re wasting time (and money) on everything else.

Realize that just about everything takes longer than planned. As you make progress in your career, initiatives that you think should take 3-6 months to complete will actually take years to fully bear fruit. Practice looking at things on a longer horizon.

Read more fiction, especially science fiction. It’s a great way to declutter your mind. Of course, books come on paper in your time and we have these new devices that make reading so convenient. Don’t let that deter you.

I recently heard this, and it’s something you should consider…you can always go back to the museum. What do I mean? Most people go to places like museums, theme parks, other states, or other countries only once. At least, that’s their plan. With that in mind, they try to cram everything into their “one and only” visit. Their visit becomes a long checklist of things to do and things to see. Instead, approach your visits with a plan to return again someday. Focus on the few and leave the rest for your next visit. Be present and let go of the checklist.

Bonus advice: You’ll have trouble with that patience and humility thing, but embracing these will be your key to happiness. There is no checklist. Life isn’t a race. Life isn’t a destination. It’s a journey and an infinite opportunity for experience.

Realize that you aren’t the one holding the compass and you’ll find more joy than you ever thought possible.

I turned 50 a while back. Although it’s just a number, it’s a big milestone. Hopefully, it’s a halfway point. During my first 50 years, I’ve learned some things and here they are in no particular order:

The quest for the Holy Grail is all about the quest, and less about the Grail.

Soft tissue injuries are much harder to get over than you think.

Execution is all about preparation. Prepare well, and you’ll be able to execute when called upon. Wing it and your execution will be a crap shoot.

Preparation is difficult and requires discipline. Building and maintaining discipline is one of the greatest challenges in life.

No matter how smart, strong, tough, fast, or independent you think you are. You aren’t.

Nearly everything is easier said than done.

Just because you can watch someone do something doesn’t mean you know anything about what it takes to actuallydo that thing.

Doing is the key to enjoying. Stop talking about it. Stop thinking about it. Stop procrastinating. Stop making excuses. As Nike said so well, Just Do It! You’ll probably suck at it at first, but so does everyone else.

The real “99% and 1%?” Ninety-nine percent of people will try something, suck at it, and quit. One percent will continue the struggle (see discipline above), and incrementally improve. They may even continue long enough to become a master at it. Another variant: only one percent will try something, and the other ninety-nine percent will focus on explaining why they can’t or won’t.

Whenever I’ve become the most anxious in life, I usually realize that I’ve skipped exercise or going outside to play for more than a week (it happens more often than I care to admit!). Exercising and playing are the best ways to build a foundation of clarity and calm.

Another thing I’ve noticed when I’m most anxious is that I’ve probably pushed gratitude out of my mind. When your mind is filled with gratitude, it doesn’t leave a lot of room for other things like anger, frustration, or negativity (this also happens more often than I’d like).

Vacations are nice. Travel is nice. Seeing exotic places is nice. But, there’s nothing like creating a life at home that doesn’t require a vacation for happiness. Vacations should be icing on the cake.

Every person who lives in the US should spend at least two weeks in a foreign country…preferably when they’re young. That way, the lessons they take away from the experience can be applied early in their life. Something I’ve found from traveling to at least 10 (maybe more) foreign countries is that the US is like Disneyland. Even compared to modern and thriving countries, the standard of living in the US is noticeably higher. It is easy to take all these differences for granted, or to be truly ignorant of them…until you spend time in a foreign country.

Tom Petty had it right: The waiting is the hardest part. Everything in life takes longer than you plan in your head. That’s probably because we plan and think in our head for a long time before we spring our thoughts on the “world.” Or, things just really do take a lot longer than we think they should.

Jobs become obsolete (and so do certain companies). People don’t (and neither do companies) unless they allow it.

The best way to avoid obsolescence? Continuous learning. Continuous exploration. Saying yes more.

Save early and often in your life. Those savings will yield a huge amount of freedom later in your life.

In the struggle between service and earnings, choose service every time.

The most beautiful sound in Nature is uncontrolled laughter.

The most beautiful sight in Nature is the smiling eyes of someone you love.