Garbage People Pesto

I went to a party the other night that was in a big loft with a beautiful view of an extremely polluted river. The other guests wore very expensive clothes and very beautiful shoes, and are all garbage people who are ruining America. I was handed a glass of sparkling alcohol that I drank too quickly and so was sweating a lot and kept trying to fan myself with my hair like I’ve seen the beautiful garbage women do, only when I do it I look like a horse swatting a fly and so the garbage person next to me kept asking if I was “looking at something?”

And because I was sweating and because my shoes were $17 and because I’m not super great at standing quietly at parties, I invited myself into a conversation with the incredibly attractive garbage people who were standing near-ish to me and discussing their favorite regions in Italy this time of year. I giggled at their jokes in Italian, I think, sighed delightedly when the conversation turned to wine, and when asked what my favorite region of Italy is this time of year I panicked and said “Portugal,” then remarked at length about the glorious pestos of the region before excusing myself to go splash more alcohol on my face.

I suppose if I, too, had a lot of money and no responsibilities to anyone other than myself I would summer in Umbria with these very thin garbage people. But until then, I have to satisfy my longing for the continent with pasta from a box and dreams of a future time share with the garbage people of the riverfront.

Ingredients for Garbage People Pesto
serves the masses

1 box orecchiette or bow tie pasta
1 big-ass bunch basil leaves, destemmed as best you can
1 TB parmesan or other hard cheese grated or whatever
Handful nuts of any kind
1 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
1/4-1/3 c olive oil
*Blender or food processor or mortar and pestle or hammer made of the rage of the proletariat.