Mystery publishing, from idea to bookshelf

March 31, 2010

Sometimes a new way to get the word out about what Crème de la Crime does just falls into my lap.

About this time last year I bumped into an old friend who I hadn’t seen for a while. She belongs to one of the women’s clubs which seem to proliferate in this area – most areas, in fact, at least here in the UK – and had taken on the task of finding speakers for their meetings.

Me, I’m not a joiner. Not that I don’t enjoy other people’s company, but the highly organised version of company which comprises the Women’s Institute, Townswomen’s Guild, Ladies’ Circle etc etc etc has never really appealed to me.

Which, as it happens, is now working to my advantage. Because they’re always looking for speakers from outside their number.

My old friend was keen to push the boundaries. Speakers who offer an evening of slides of the Holy Land or a hundred and three recipes for broccoli are something of a sardonic cliché in those circles, but they do still exist; my friend was thinking along the lines of beauty therapy demonstrations, or interesting female entrepreneurs.

She was in a bit of a tizzy because one of her speakers had dropped out; and as we stood outside the post office catching up on each other’s families and activities, she had a lightbulb moment. “Hey, you could do it,” she said. “Come and tell us how you started a publishing company.”

Her timing couldn’t have been more perfect; Criminal Tendencies, the short story collection we published last year in support of two breast cancer charities, was about to come out, and it’s a rare bunch of women who haven’t been affected by breast cancer in some way.

They must have enjoyed the talk; they bought a total of twenty-three copies of Criminal Tendencies and a generous handful of backlist titles as well, and issued a return invitation to run a murder mystery evening for them, which I did a few weeks ago.

It got better. A few weeks later the phone rang; the caller had heard I gave talks, and she needed someone at short notice to replace a speaker who had pulled out… Another twelve copies plus backlist. Then someone who had been at the first meeting called to book me to speak to yet another group; they gave me a delicious dinner, and cleaned me out of books within twenty minutes.

When it happened for the fourth and fifth times I decided it was time to get organised. The internet is a useful tool; libraries are wonderful places. Put them together and you get library websites, which are goldmines of information about social groups in their areas.

A few letters and e-mails brought amazing results. Tomorrow evening I give my fourth talk of the year, and have five more in the diary; one of Crème’s most proactive authors has already given two with a couple more scheduled, and another has given one and has two more coming up. And requests are still coming in.

It has its wryly amusing moments – like the response I received from one area asking when the author in question would be available to audition. She commented, equally wryly, that she hadn’t tap-danced since she was seven and wasn’t about to start again.

If I spoke marketing language I’d probably be talking about demographics and calculating the overlap between our target market and their membership. But I speak plain English; maybe a bit of French and the odd word of Welsh, but not marketing language. So the way it works for me, and I hope for Crème’s hardworking authors, is that we get to meet some new people, spread the word about the books we all love and believe in with a passion, and maybe even sell a few.

March 30, 2010

I was at a conference recently and a gentleman stood up and said, “I think my daughter would make a great agent; she loves books and is very outgoing. Are there any things she should be focusing on to follow that path?” I quickly flashed through my possible answers:

“Has she had her shots?”

“At what BAL does she have to close one eye to get to the subway?”

“Well, gun running oftentimes has more dignity, and it breaks down the same, percentage-wise….you decide.”

But then I thought about it. Huh. She loves books, and is very outgoing…why an agent? Why not an editor?And even more, there are so many fabulous jobs having to do with the publishing industry, why not one of those? There should be some kind of Myers-Briggs to detect which arena of publishing his daughter would be most likely to find her true calling. (I love Myers Briggs. I bet you can guess my category, or at least the first letter. Please, next to me, Gallagher is an introvert.)

Anyway, so I’ve spent a great deal of time and effort on this, an initial beta test to discover which side of the table you should sit on betweeneditorial or agenting. Please choose an answer that most closely resembles your response. These responses are compiled from ACTUAL people in the ACTUAL intended field, not the sweetbreads lifted from my own skull. Yup. I went all Dr. Poelle up in here, spraying everything down with the stink of science. You’re welcome.

Begin.

1.)If you were a flowering plant what would you be?

a.A little drugstore cacti with the pink flowers—prickly all over, but trying to put a good face on it.

b.A Venus Flytrap.

2.)Generally speaking, when someone hurts my feelings I…

a.Sulk. And fantasize revenge.

b.Call them an unprintable name juuust before the handset makes it to the cradle.

3.)What is the most soothing sound you can hear?

a.The gentle plop of a blue-cheese-stuffed olive dropped into a dirty martini.

b.Anything ending in "ousand dollars"

4.)There is a woman crying on the subway. What do you do?

a.Look away, and then create a whole scenario in my mind wherein she has just been torn from her lover’s arms by her jealous fiancé, who’s stifling her dreams of becoming the most famous beadworker in all of Long Island City.

b.Turn up my headphones

5.)If you weren’t in publishing, the top three industries you could see yourself succeeding in are:

a.Reality television producer; pet sitter; vice president.

b.Nuclear physicist, Navy SEAL, kitten groomer.

6.)Sum up the worst physical confrontation you have ever been a part of:

a.I’m, er, not a fighter.

b.It never gets physical, on account of Glare o’ Death Kitten™

7.)What kind of food do you find off-putting?

a.Bananas. I find them cloying. *shudder*

b.Raisins, because they are dead grapes.

8.)When in a room divided into accountants, public speakers, gardeners, performance artists, and professional chefs, which group would you gravitate towards?

a.The chefs, because they are artists who work in a perishable medium, who hone their skills for years with little reward, and who are dedicated to pleasing the senses.

b.Public speakers, and then after a brief recoil of horror, it's all about the gardeners.

9.)Have you ever committed a crime that would be considered a misdemeanor?

a.Pure as the driven slush, me.

b.Felony or bust, baby.

10.)Ten years I will be:

a.Still reading this blog, but doing so through a chip implanted in my brain

b.Ruling with a velvet hammer

Results:

If you chose mostly a’s, your new favorite color is orange as you will need a copy of The Chicago Manual of Style for your new editorial job!

If you chose mostly b’s your new favorite color is rage and you can happily begin drinking before noon at your new agency position!

There you have it. You can adjust your current resume to include your scientific results from the DPSOS Test* or as it will become known the DIPSAUCE Test, which will soon be required for all Bachelor of Arts Degrees.

(Um, it stands for Dr. Poelle Stink of Science Test. Must I do allll of the work?)

March 29, 2010

What are you doing reading this blog? Haven't we made it clear that we don't WANT your kind checking in on us, looking over our shoulders, making us feel uncomfortable? Do you really think we post every day for YOU? Go read some other mystery blog, and leave us alone!

See? Nobody likes rejection.

This point was driven home rather forcefully last week (which for many reasons rivaled that wondrous moment I was mistakenly told I probably had lymphoma for worst week of my life), as I saw rejection from two separate fronts: My daughter was not accepted to some of the colleges to which she applied (I hasten to add that she was accepted elsewhere), and a book proposal I had worked diligently at for some time failed to impress the editors who read it.

Eve's reaction was immediately emotional, and then quick acceptance that this was the way things were, and she'd move on. Mine was less glandular at the outset, but bore a little deeper. I'm moving on, but only because I've learned an important lesson from my daughter.

Writers are supposed to have thick skins; it's a survival device we're supposed to develop because we're going to be exposed to so much rejection. But the dark secret we never mention is that the thick skin is, for most of us, a role, a facade, something we put on to show that we can persevere.

And we can. Quite often, we do. That doesn't mean it won't sting when someone reads a piece of our minds and says, "not what I'm looking for."

Rejection makes the success better; that's true. If we do sell the next proposal, the next book, the next story, having gotten back up off the mat and tried again feels that much better. But it doesn't make anything easier.

I'm not arguing that editors or publishers aren't sensitive enough toward authors; it's their job to accept the writing they can best market, and if that happens to coincide with their personal taste, more to the better. But the bottom line is the criterion. And that's the way it should be. Nobody wants publishing companies to start releasing books they know they can't market, lose money, and go out of business.

I certainly understand why the proposal my agent was shopping wasn't accepted. It was something I would read, but not something that easily falls into a clearly delineated category. Who's the audience? I can't say that I'd be able to identify them. Where would it be shelved in the bookstore? I have a better idea there, but I don't know that I can picture the cover. No, it would have been a quirky sale, at best. If I were an acquiring editor, would I have bought it? I honestly don't know. That's not my area of expertise.

Every editor worth the title will tell a writer to work on stories that will get the creative juices flowing. Write not only what you know, but what you care about. Don't write with an eye toward the market, because if you write something for yourself, others might find it interesting. If you write something for others, you won't find it interesting, and that means you won't write it as well.

So where does that leave me? With another idea, one I think can be better. I'll start working on it this week. Which, just according to the law of averages, has to be better than last week.

Vinyl-to-Digital update: Last week, as might be expected, did not see much LP conversion going on. It was almost exclusively devoted to the career of Sir Paul McCartney, which is indeed a checkerboard experience. With highs like Band on the Run or Tug of War, there are excellent songs that shine a light on what made a quarter of the Beatles great. Then you hit something like Wings Wild Life, and you wonder exactly what this pop music genius might have been thinking. You want John Lennon to rise from the grave and stand over his shoulder, saying, "work harder."

One quick observation: For someone who will proclaim to the heavens his dislike of live albums, it's amazing how many I have. And Wings Over America is an especially sloppy, disconnected, perfunctory affair. Three albums, padded out with side issues like Medicine Jar and much of Venus and Mars (including Medicine Jar and Magneto and Titanium Man)? In this case, having bought the package, I have to wonder what I was thinking.

March 28, 2010

One of those things They say (Who are “They” anyway. What makes them the authority and who do they actually deliver their pronouncements to? Me, I just hear the "you know what They Say" that follows. And while I'm at it, how can you tell the real They, the They to be believed, from They-wannabes to be shunned? Special T shirt? Secret handshake? Amulet of doom?), anyway, reportedly one of the things They say is that you don't get style points.

Sounds good, especially when you're trying to convince a kid to work hard rather than just put on a show. But let's face it, we all know it's just not true.

After all, what do They Say are the keys to getting that new job or big sale? Presentation and making yourself stand out. Stylin'. We've all seen the Peter Principle in action, and except for that rare case of nepotism, the initial fast rise usually involves style. In writing, how often does prose judged to be somehow more literary (which often means harder to read) get the accolades over effective storytelling, even when the more literary prose is, to paraphrase the late great Dick Francis, puff pastry—tasty, rich, with a nice crispy crust, but all hot air inside. Part of what made Francis great, by the way, was the nice balancing job he did between the two. He was never "literary" except in his writing being Hemingwayesque lean, but most of his books included neat little unique metaphors and turns of phrase like the puff pastry comment (it referred to a TV commentator), which made you grin appreciatively just to read them.

Even in sports, where you hear the phrase the most and there are more definitive measures of winners and losers, style points matter. Who earns the big bucks and who gets the big recognition? Even on a losing team? With all due respect to The Blind Side, the quarterback with the shotgun arm or the left tackle who lets him and his backup stay upright long enough to shoot? The point guard with the ball on a string or the offense-challenged center setting the monster pick that frees someone else up to score, which also gives that PG another assist.

That's not wholly a bad thing, by the way. Given how much interest in some sports is based in gambling, style points are a big part of what separates them from mindless pulls at the slot machine. But they're also just fun. The game I was at the other night had some incredible styling, mostly from a point guard who is as deadly serious about his game as it gets, but whose ability, creativity and personality mean that styling is also part of what he's about. He may not have gotten extra points on the scoreboard for it, and you probably had to know what you were watching to catch how incredible it was live, but this bit of styling of the highest order
earned him some 18,500 people gasping in unison at what they saw. Style points.

March 27, 2010

The other night, the store hosted our monthly book club. We had a nice and detailed discussion of Alan Bradley's The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie. Two of the women were already reading book two. Towards the end I got up to answer the phone and a couple of the women started talking about their kindles.

I certainly don't want to censure what my book club chooses to discuss, but on the other hand, hosting a discussion of the kindle at my store with my book club somehow seemed wrong, and I told the ladies that I didn't like their conversation. I tried to say it nicely, but really, I don't think I have ever felt more discouraged as a bookseller.

Because these women are long time book club members and some of them are friends - some of them have been to my house, we've gone on trips or on outings together - it was somehow more shocking. I know our business is changing almost more rapidly than we can even follow, but to have a core group of customers talk about the virtues of a product they could never buy from me was a shock.

Yes, we offer a community place - they all love the book club - but we are also a business. If they are speaking with their feet the result will be that that community place will be gone. I was thinking back to a dinner table conversation over new year's. One of our friends works at Borders headquarters and her son asked her how Christmas sales were. Ours were OK, Borders was down, I guess. But we looked at each other in total communion and shook our heads. We just said "Books? Who knows what will happen?"

I can't fuss and shame people into shopping with us, certainly. That's no way to keep a customer. But increasingly I am starting to wonder what way there might be. People often call looking for, for example, used Colin Cotterill titles. Sometimes we have them and they are delighted. But all they seem to want is that one title. They aren't browsing. And they aren't wanting to buy a new title.

And there are, of course, exceptions. One of my favorite customers was in fact in this week - she comes in once or twice a year to stock up. She's from England. She was happy to buy new or used - she had her list and wanted to fill it, and we talked about authors I'd recommended last time she was in that she'd enjoyed. Try having that discussion with your kindle.

March 26, 2010

“If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.” – A League of Their Own

There is a reason not everyone has written a book let alone published one. There’s a reason not everyone has hit a bestseller list or gotten a rave review in the Times. This @%!# ain’t easy.

How many people have told you they’ve had a great idea for a book? 20? 50? 2,498? But only a small percentage of those people will actually write it. That’s because writing a book is hard. You have to practice and hone your craft. You have to dream up plot points and develop characters. If you’re writing crime fiction, you have to put your characters in a situation where it’s impossible to get out….and then get them out!

Writing a good book isn’t easy. Writing a book, period, isn’t easy. There are days when words seem forced, where every page you write gets thrown in the garbage, when you bang your head against the wall because you don’t know what’s going to happen next. But you keep going. You sit in the chair, take a deep breath, swig some coffee (or some scotch) and keep moving forward.

So you’ve accomplished the difficult task of writing the book, but it’s not over yet. Now that you’ve written something, it’s time for people to reject it.

If you’re an author, you’ve dealt with rejection. You’re writing group criticizes aspects of your story, agents and publishers turn you down, your mom keeps calling you asking, “When are you going to write a nice story about a cat?” Sometimes, getting published seems impossible, and you toy with the idea of packing it in and getting a real job. But again, you’re a writer. You love writing. So you revise the parts your group had trouble with, you crank out another batch of agent pitches, you tell your mom you’re not coming home for Hanukah and hang up.

And after all the blood, sweat, tears, and rejection, something magical happens: You get a publishing contract.

But it’s not over yet.

Your editor wants changes to the manuscript, your publisher wants to change the title, your gritty suspense novel is now a cozy with a pink cover and mom got her wish, they want you to include a cat. You drive across the country visiting bookstores where no one has heard of you, you try to ignore the scathing Amazon reviews, and through all of this, you’re trying to finish book two.

This isn’t to be negative or bring you down; it’s to illustrate how amazing it is to be an author. If everyone could write a book, publish it, get rave reviews and be a bestseller, then the esteem of being an author would be gone. The difficulty is what makes it fulfilling, the hard is what makes it great.

March 25, 2010

I mentioned last week that I was able to see my brilliant sister Beth on a panel at The School of the Art Institute of Chicago on "Professionalization in Comics," and ever since that panel, I've had a blog post stewing. Then yesterday, I read a post on JA Konrath's blog that set me thinking even more about this.

Writers, what are your goals?

Wait, maybe I should ask it instead like this:

Writers, what do you want?

Have you asked yourself this? It's important -- you need to know in order to get it.

Have you ranked your wants? Do you know what's more important to you -- a long term career or a big first advance? Think about the following list. Maybe, if you've got a pen and paper handy (you do, right? You're a writer!), rank each on a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being doesn't matter to you at all, and ten being oh gosh you'd trade your firstborn:

I want my work vetted by traditional publishing, in the form of a contract with one of the big four publishing houses.

I want my work vetted by a publishing company, whether big four or indie.

I want my work to be a physical book.

I want my work to be an ebook.

I want an agent to represent my work.

I want to sell movie rights.

I want to be famous. (Author famous, as in a household name like James Patterson or JK Rowling, not tabloid-fodder famous, like Lindsay Lohan.)

I want to live comfortably on the money I make writing a book per year.

I want to continue publishing for the foreseeable future, whether series or standalone.

I want my work read by people I don't know -- strangers who can't claim 3 degrees of separation to me.

I want my mom/significant other/children to be proud of me in my writing career.

I want lots and lots and lots of money for my work.

I want to be paid a fair price for my work.

I want people to have access to my work in whatever format they prefer to read.

I want my work stocked on shelves in every bookstore I visit.

I want my work stocked on shelves in every bookstore, no matter if I visit or not.

I want my work in regular circulation through the library system.

I want to advertise and promote my own work, and be in control and responsible for the publicity campaigns.

I want to sell my own work, and maximize my profit while being responsible for invoices, collections, warehousing, and shipping.

I want to communicate regularly with my fans, either by attending conferences, hosting web forums, or calling in to book clubs, and keep up my communication to maintain a vibrant fan community.I want a full page ad in the NYT showcasing my work.

I want reviews in the big four (PW, LJ, Kirkus, and Booklist).

I want reviews in major news outlets.

I want to be taught in college/high school English classrooms.

I want to be remembered.

Think about what you want. Research the best ways to make it happen. Be realistic and honest with yourself and others when you talk about your wants. Work hard, and write (and rewrite) at your best level.

None of this will happen overnight. Don't romanticize. Forge your own path, and define what success means to you first, so you can celebrate when you reach it.

March 24, 2010

The Bologna Book Fair is the current buzz, and even though children’s books don’t touch Crème de la Crime’s life it’s hard to ignore this year, what with British Airways cancelling all the flights because of the cabin crew strike. And the London Book Fair is the next-but-two big event on my calendar.

I always think Book Fair, in both these cases and Frankfurt as well, is a bit of a misnomer. To me, a book fair is a place where books actually get sold, rather than hyped, displayed and discussed.

But hey, what’s in a name, as a slightly famous writer said a few centuries ago. And that’s not really what’s on my mind anyway.

Occasionally, as I may have mentioned, we take a stand at the kind of book fair where books do get sold, and one such took place last weekend. We raised a bit of interest, sold a few backlist, made a couple of useful contacts – and a train of thought which is never far from my mind was stimulated again.

Just exactly what is the magic something that makes people pick up one book in particular when several dozen are laid out in front of them?

When I suggested a few months, or possibly years, ago (have I really been part of the Dead Guy team for three years? Doesn’t the time fly by?) that the cover was a vital part of this attraction process, I was shouted down by the largest number of protesting comments I can ever recall receiving. Real readers refuse to be influenced by such manipulative devices, I was told. No doubt titles are equally manipulative, and not to be trusted as an indication of the quality behind the soundbite. OK, OK, I’m not arguing. We’ve been down that road already.

So what is that little bit of magic? Why one book and not the one beside it?

Mostly at these events I get to talk to people. Occasionally they just take a book and hand me the money; and sometimes several people all arrive at once, and unfortunately there’s only one of me. But I try to point as many people as I can in the direction of the Crème author who comes closest to their favourite bestseller. Ian Rankin and Reginald Hill fans get Maureen Carter; for Harlan Coben, Lee Child and Michael Connelly try Adrian Magson; J D Robb equates to Penny Deacon; Janet Evanovich lovers will enjoy Kaye C Hill… I could continue through nine more authors, but I’m sure you get the picture.

Sometimes – actually mostly – it seems to work. Crime readers are always up for a new experience; favourite authors rarely produce more than one book a year.

But some people don’t want to talk; they prefer just to browse. And often they pick up a book. What I really need to know is, why do they choose this one and not that one? It absolutely is not the cover blurb or the first couple of pages; that comes seconds later. I’m prepared to concede that that’s what makes them decide to buy, or not, as the case may be. But in order to arrive at that point, there has to be an initial attraction. And once they start to read, and attraction turns into connection, we have another aficionado.

And if I knew what caused that initial attraction, I could apply it in a way which made our books the ones which stood out from thousands in a bookshop, not just dozens at a fair.

March 23, 2010

Recently I was in my office doing very important things. Well, mostly I was debating on how long I would have a social circle- or for that matter, a marriage- if I began carrying an air horn to express displeasure. But that is important in its own way.

Then, my phone rang:

“Hi, this is a literary agency?”

“Yes.”

“So, like, um, you know, like, how does a book get published?”

I sent that poor fellow and his fresh arterial spray on his way.

But then I realized, there are truly so many questions out there about publishing and the answers can be so complex.If only there was an easy, pleasing guide for the newcomers to map out what to expect at a glance!

Something….

LIKE THIS!!!!!!:

Look at you! You wrote a book!

And now you found an agent!

Now the agent will take your book and pitch it to editors.

Hmm, no interest? Huh. The agent will push up some sleeves and go out on another round.

And maybe slug some vodka and go out on a third round.

And there will be more drinking and some crying (not you, the agent) until that one very special day- you get an offer to publish your book!

And after having little say on your cover, title, sometimes even your very NAME, a long and tremulous 18 months goes by while you are blogging and tweeting and calling alumni circulars and building your social media connections aaaaaand… your pub date arrives!

Well, actually, aaaaaand your pub date arrives.

Ta da! PUBLISHING!

SO there you have it. I am exhausted. I just did the most comprehensive exploration of publishing since Gutenberg was all, “Ich bin ein Printing Press!”

March 22, 2010

Normally, I'd throw in a joke there about how I know I had it here a minute ago, and it must have slipped under the desk chair, but I'm not kidding about this. A writer needs to establish an identity, a niche, a brand, for him/herself, and at the moment, I'm not 100% sure what mine is, or what I want it to be.

I started out in the publishing business--and it seems a long time ago, but it's less than ten years--knowing exactly what I wanted to be. I'd be the guy who made you laugh, the Groucho Marx of mystery publishing, but with heart. So the Aaron Tucker mysteries were all about wisecracks and attitude, but also about the trials and tribulations of trying to raise a family under what were always difficult circumstances.

When the Double Feature series sold to Berkley, the mission was roughly the same: Deliver mystery and laughs, but keep the characters real and have them struggle with their lives the way everyone else does. So Elliot Freed had an impossible business he'd chosen to run, an ex-wife for whom he still carried a torch, and the respect of pretty much nobody. But he'd prevail because he was a wisecracking New Jerseyan, and we ride to victory on waves of sarcasm here in the Garden State.

I was fond of all six books in those series, and still am, surprisingly enough. This week I had cause to look back on some of my old screenplays--the ones I thought I'd really nailed--and was horrified that they were not that much better than the ones my first-year screenwriting students turn in. It was, to say the least, an eye-opening experience, but more about that another time. The books I can read today and still be proud of each for something or another.

But the sad truth is, they didn't catch on with enough readers, and so both series came to an end (although there will also be Aaron Tucker news coming up shortly, but I can't say anything just yet, and no, there's no new book on the way). That's the way of the market, and you can't go door-to-door and tell people they're wrong for not buying your books. For one thing, you end up far from home, and for another, they still don't buy your books.

So that leaves me with a conundrum: If people don't want to buy the books from the identity I've established in the marketplace, and I want to keep being paid to write books, what are my options? To change my identity?

It's not as weird a notion as it might sound. While I do worship at the altar of comedy and believe it's a strength of mine, it's not all there is to me. I can write other kinds of stories. But I can't afford to build a new identity and have it end up with the fate of the first one. There are people who live with me who insist on going to college, not to mention the occasional bill to pay, and I'd make the world's worst mechanic, so on we go.

The trick is to identify the parts of my personality that could be tapped for a writing persona, then decide which ones might actually be marketable, and then figure out whether or not I have a story to tell (or hopefully more than one) in those voices.

So, who am I? It's an open question, and a bizarre existential one. Or is "bizarre existential" redundant?

I'll keep you up to date on who I am as soon as I figure it out.

LP-to-Digital update: Where were we? Oh yes. We'd gotten so far as Loggins and Messina. A career that could be easily assessed if one listens only to their first album, Sittin' In, and their Greatest Hits collection. Other than that, a lot of long, pointless jams in songs that don't deserve them (there is, on the live collection, I'm not kidding, a 20-minute version of "Vahevala" that does not in any way expand the original, which lasted about four or five). Some catchy stuff, some long slogs.

On to the Lovin' Spoonful, and underrated band as long as Sebastian and Zal were in charge. A unique sound, an unusual point of view. Nothing terribly deep and introspective, and that's perfectly fine with me.

Then came the equally overlooked Nick Lowe, who knows how to be revolutionary and please a crowd at the same time, no small feat. Nice stuff, perhaps not suited to playing an entire career in sequence, but once the albums are digitized, there is no need to do so. "Half A Boy And Half A Man" is a real stomper.

The Mamas and Papas were an interesting quartet that had some good songs and some not good songs, and sometimes sounded like they were all so interested in yelling at each other that it became uncomfortable to hear. Fleetwood Mac before there was Fleetwood Mac. Nicely crafted pop songs, and my god, Cass Elliot could sing.

A strange Greatest Hits/Documentary combination, "A Gathering Of Flowers," which I picked up for $1.99 sometime in the Seventies, includes interviews with John Phillips and Cass, as well as chatter from the studio and different versions of existing songs. Fascinating, weird and entertaining. Just like the band. Good luck finding it on CD or Mp3, by the way.

I'm pretty sure Melissa Manchester sounded like either Harold Melvin or the Blue Notes, but I can't be sure.

Then, there was the sublime AND the ridiculous together: The two-disc live set An Evening With Groucho. The Carnegie Hall show from the Seventies, when the legend was resurrected and turned out to be a little old man. Some fantastic stories, the occasional flash of the unmatched timing (like when Groucho, whose voice in his mid-eighties was admittedly weak, asks the audience whether they can hear him, is told they can't, and opines, "Well, you're not missing anything."), and some embarrassing moments, often when Groucho tries to sing, accompanied by a then-unknown Marvin Hamlisch. It's worth every awkward moment to hear the event itself, and to relish what was an unparalleled comic genius. It evokes every possible emotion.

Now, onto Sir Paul McCartney. This might take a while.

On the off chance that you comment and expect a reply: My daughter is undergoing surgery on her knee today, and I will be at the hospital. Not sure if the surgical waiting room has WiFi. It's not that I don't care about your comment. It's that I care more about my daughter.

March 21, 2010

I’m female and most people would probably categorize me as a strong woman… not all of them meaning that as a positive thing, of course. But still, it’s a concept I’m pretty comfortable with.

Never been a big concern of mine when picking out my reading, though. Admittedly, I don’t go much for books at the femjep or fluffy fem end of the spectrum, but it's not because I disapprove of them per se. I just usually end up bouncing them off a wall half-finished, as the stories and characters they feature become as irritating to spend time with as some of their real life counterparts. However, doesn't mean I seek out books instead featuring women all about sisterhood and proclaiming that they need a man like a fish needs a bicycle.

But there was some discussion on a historical mystery discussion list about strong women in historical settings and I got an email from someone insisting that I should have a special section highlighting women authors and strong women characters on the historical mystery site I run (Er, no. That’s not what the site is about. There are other sites that do that. And I'd need to set up a bunch of other special sections to be fair. Er, no, just no.). Which got me thinking about the concept a bit more.

One of the historical series thrown out as having a strong woman lead was Emily Brightwell’s Mrs. Jeffries series. Sorry, but no. It’s one of the fluffy-coziest historical series I know, and fluffy-cozy isn’t particularly fertile strong woman ground. Mrs Jeffries may run rings around the Inspector, manipulating him into doing as she wishes, but that’s more about his exceptional weakness than her particular strength. We’re talking wet noodle that’s spent the afternoon in the sauna followed by the evening in a hot bath level of weakness. Kleenex held out in a hurricane territory. Mrs. Jeffries certainly isn't a weakling, but that’s not the same as being a notably strong woman.

The main point that kept coming up in the historicals discussion was that strong women characters who think and act with any degree of independence are inherently too modern and so always an anachronism and wrong. Easy enough to see people assuming that, but it ignores the reality that strength is more a function of character than environment, while people’s thoughts and beliefs and behaviors are never in complete lockstep, no matter what the setting. There have always been people more backward and more forward thinking than their time. Modern women have always included the Phyllis Schlaflys to go with the Gloria Steinems.

Strong women in historical settings aren't inherently anachronism. It's all about the ways and the reasons their strength shows; anachronism comes into it when those are impossible for their time. Someone who really gets it right is Margaret Frazer in her Dame Frevisse books, one of my favorite series. A great-niece of Chaucer, Frevisse is a woman of powerful personality and intellect given a background that justifies intellectual achievements unusual for a woman of her time. A strong woman, like her cousin Alice, a power in the land through the more conventional means of marriage and wealth. But they're both still very much women of their time in most of how they think and go about things.

A big problem I have with a lot of contemporary mysteries featuring what are supposed to be strong women is that they’re too often strong and tough around the investigation or a pushy guy or nasty boss, but completely spineless doormats for someone close to them like a blatantly manipulative mother. I don't mean just being soft and fuzzy emotional and "womanly" with them, I mean letting that person walk all over them with less resistance that that noodle after the sauna and bath. It's annoying to begin with, but also really undercuts any belief in their being strong women.

So what is a strong woman character in a mystery? Well first she's someone of strong personality. Doesn't have to be loud or pushy about it, but she also can't vanish into the background or be too fuzzy to give you a clear picture of who she is. She's someone willing to hold to the things she believes are important, regardless of what others think, whether that's her right to be a traditional, full-time, stay-at-home mom, or her right to compete equally with men as a professional PI. She should have some natural independence and self-reliance and be able to think for herself; being able to share and rely on others is important as a person, it just shouldn't be an instinctive or constant crutch. Such women can and have existed at any point in time. It's just the details of their day-to-day life that differ.

March 20, 2010

Last winter I had dinner with a bunch of booksellers, and as the evening wore down, we started talking about things that spark people's interest in an event, and actually get them to attend. I've found that few things are more reliable than cake. (My sister, also in retail, scoffed at this - but she sells clothes. You can't have customers leaving cake crumbs in the clothes, no one would want to buy them).

I'm not sure if it's the formula that books = comfort and so, for many people, does a nice slice of cake. Whatever the reason, a cake often makes a book event. Every mother's day for years we've hosted history mystery writers, and we've found that serving coffee, tea and cookies makes it a more special event that people want to attend and yes - bring their mothers to.

I'm not sure when I twigged that adding cake to a "regular" event was also a good idea. It might have been around the time that you started to be able to get a book cover imprinted on the front of a cake on the icing. I'm not sure how it works, but it really does look nifty.

The cakes were a step up from the snacks we've offered at Aunt Agatha's anniversary parties. We had one at book club a couple times and it really did perk people up. The first cover cake we did was for the launch of the "Detroit Noir" anthology. This event was also unusual in that I had contacted contributors, some of whom had confirmed their appearance. Some of them had not, but they kept rolling in anyway. It was an out of control blast - I'll never forget Loren Estleman's teeth turning blue from the black icing trim. One such author rolled in late and we were by that time sold out of books - but she asked desperately "Are you out of wine?" We were not and she enjoyed the party immensely.

Today we have a launch for author Mark Terry - it has his cover and co-signer Craig McDonald's cover too. My daughter took a look at the book covers and remarked "That's going to be one weird ass looking cake. Are you going to have the guns pointing at each other?" (Good question).

What really matters is that the cake is chocolate. I always ask, but the answer is always the same. Stay tuned - Rosemary Harris stops by April 13 and we have a (chocolate) cake coming her way. No guns on her cover - should be a cute cake.

March 19, 2010

Writing Conferences are part of the publishing game. Whether you’re an agent, author, bookseller, editor, or publicist, at one time or another, you have to go to a conference. I love seeing conference virgins; getting there early, attending every panel, taking vigorous notes and hanging on panelists’ every word.

For us veterans, conferences mean nice dinners with your entourage (editor, agent, publicist), lots of smiling and handshaking, and of course, lots of late nights at the bar. Conferences are exhausting, can be expensive, but are necessary and, let’s face it, a lot of fun.

A few tips for getting the most out of your conference:

Research. If you’re an aspiring writer, know the agents and editors who are going to be there. Go into a pitch meeting knowing who their clients are and what types of books they represent. Published authors: know which reviewers, key librarians, and book bloggers are in attendance. Read up on their latest reviews so you know the types of books they like. Also, if you’re looking to ask that big-name author for a blurb, you might want to read their latest book.

Know your pitch. I was surprised to learn that this is an area I need to work on as a publicist. At Left Coast Crime, writers were coming up to me asking, “What do you do?” I smiled and replied, “I’m a book publicist.” They smiled and nodded, “Yes, but as a book publicist, what do you do?”

My website has a nice, 2-line pitch about what Kaye Publicity offers, but I found myself going on and on about all the different things I’ve done for clients. If I was an author in a pitch meeting, the agent would have already tuned out.

All authors (and apparently publicists) should have their 2-line elevator pitch down cold. If you’re looking for an agent, you should also know your platform, genre, and a couple of books that are similar to yours. If you’re a published author talking to a potential reader, give them the 2-line pitch, but then be prepared to elaborate. And please, PLEASE, don’t start your pitch with, “It’s about this guy…”

Work on conversation skills. People LOVE to talk about themselves. They don’t always like to listen to someone else talk about themselves. If you’re looking to network and make connections, ask people questions and be genuinely interested in the answers. I’ve seen so many authors blow it by going on and on about their book and how great they are. Nobody cares. Ask a librarians about their libraries, ask authors about their background, ask agents about what they’re reading lately. They’ll go on and on and never forget you.

Be open minded. I had drinks with Judy Bobolik last night, an avid mystery reader who reads at least one book a day and co-chaired Bouchercon 2008. She was describing how certain authors at mystery conventions, as soon as she mentioned that she’s not a reviewer, agent, or big-name author, would start looking around the room, trying to find someone better to talk to.

Those authors are idiots.

As authors, readers are the ones you want to connect with. They’re the ones keeping you in business. Obsessive readers like Judy probably buy over 100 books a year; don’t you want yours to be one of them?

Be professional. Have business cards. Have an up-to-date website. Dress in business casual. Don’t drink too much and stick to appropriate conversations. While it’s fun to hang out with your friends, you’re ultimately there to work.

Any other tips for the conference newbies? Which conferences are you attending this year?

March 18, 2010

First of all, a quick announcement: Everybody who *hasn't* heard back from me regarding your first-fifteen pages critique Christmas present, I swear I haven't forgotten you. I have them on my desktop, and I will finish them. Someday. I hope soon! (If it makes you feel any better, I also haven't finished knitting the Captain Kirk sweater I gave to my fiance for Christmas. It's *almost* done, but not quite. And it's already his birthday next week, yikes!)

1. When anyone says some variant of, "But that's IMPOSSIBLE!", drink!2. When there's a shot of dorsal fin above water, or when the octopus inks, drink!3. When Deborah Gibson (playing a scientist), takes off OR puts on her glasses to make a point, drink! [We were stymied here, because I assumed her character would wear glasses, but she did not. But the next rule made up for the lack of drinks here.]4. Whenever the filmmakers use footage that they've used before, drink! [This rule just about killed us, because the most heavily relied-upon repeat footage was of the dorsal fin above water -- double drink!]

We also got bonus drinks when large amounts of destruction happened.

So my proposal is this: Barbara, let's you and I design a drinking game/movie showing for the next conference we both attend. Also, also ... you know the SHARKTOPUS is going to have two mouths, right?

Third, LOST. Sawyer, oh oh oh oh Sawyer. What's the only thing hotter than a con man? A cop going undercover as a con man. Who then wears his badge on that little chain over his shirtless chest. My. But actually, he almost lost (har!) me on the Island when he saw the cages and picked up Kate's shirt and was all, "The look on my face is me remembering that I used to have the hots for Kate." No, Sawyer! You love Juliet! I will not stand for any past-Kate longing, ick. I did very much enjoy UnLocke in this episode, and I'm dying to know just who this guy really is. And if he's an enemy of Widmore, then he's my friend, because Widmore was so anti-Desmond and WHO COULD POSSIBLY BE ANTI-DESMOND?! Tracie over at Jez has some interesting Arthurian theories, and as usual when I read her recaps, I want to stop everything and just delve into reading books I haven't had a chance to read yet. My LOST-inspired reading list is getting LONG, you guys.

Fourth, speaking of reading lists, I've been treating myself to some YA fiction on Sundays, and I'm currently in the middle of THE ASK AND THE ANSWER. I highly, HIGHLY recommend picking up the first book in the series, THE KNIFE OF NEVER LETTING GO. I was turned on to it by a local librarian, and I should really send her a box of chocolates or something in thanks.

Fifth, my sister is amazing. This past weekend she was flown out from Vermont, where she's in gradschool, to Chicago, to speak on a panel about the "Professionalization of Comics." There's more info about the program here. My mom and I drove down to see her, and I couldn't have been more proud. Bethy came off as intelligent, hopeful, and an excellent example of an artist who doesn't let anything stand in the way of her goals for her work.

Sixth, and finally, Sarah Weinman mentioned Tyrus Books in a recent post for Daily Finance. She talks about how some indie publishers (including us), have subscription programs. It's neat to see what packages other publishers are offering. Also, it's always an honor to be named in the same article as Soft Skull Press. Those guys rule!

Alright, back to my editorial tasks for the day. I'm happy to say that it's going to be in the upper 60s here, so I'll be editing from my back porch. Thank you, Spring!

March 17, 2010

Do you ever have days when it’s suddenly five in the afternoon and you have no idea where the day has gone?

That’s me, today, and every day this week. And a lot of other days.

My daughter the philosopher once carried out a study of the nature of time. Most of it was far too abstruse and, well, philosophical for my poor overstuffed brain to make sense of, but I remember a few paragraphs which covered how sometimes an hour is gone in a flash, and other times it seems interminable. When I asked if the dissertation was just a thinking process, or if it had any practical application, she asked me what the most important aspect of time was to me. The answer was obvious: there’s never enough of it, even those hours which seem to stretch out. Philosophers always seem to answer questions with more questions, but this time she replied with a kind of definition of the purpose of philosophy. Apparently science begins as philosophy – sort of, the art of what if? Different philosophers put forward different points of view, and spend some time gathering proof and arguing their cases; then eventually one argument finds itself supported by more evidence than the others, and stops being philosophy. So a study of the nature of time is the first step in arriving at a point which will allow us to manipulate it: stretch or compress it depending on whether we have to pass a tedious few hours or pack a lot into a short period.

She reads this when she can fit it into her hectic schedule, and if I’ve got all that wrong (which I probably have) I’m sure there will be a comment setting me straight.

I just hope that when temporal mechanics becomes a bona fide science, and not a philosophical problem or a figment of Gene Roddenberry’s tremendous imagination, my daughter turns out to be right, and that wonderful ability to stretch a day to make it fit the activity it contains becomes something we can all acquire.

Because the way things are at the moment, there just ain’t enough hours in a day. Which is why it’s five in the afternoon before I get around to posting on Dead Guy, and why I have to stop blogging and get on with some more work.

March 16, 2010

I know we are allll clamoring to talk about it, so I will start. For me I think the best part was that random scene with that socialite who gets thrown playfully off the dock by some dude, and then BAM! the Dinoshark gets her in a geyser of arterial spray, but when the camera cuts back to the dude on the dock, rather than screaming and clawing at his own flesh in terror, his facial expression reads more like, “Do I like Jell-O?”

Awesome.

Hm?

No, surely you did.

No, you MUST have. Of COURSE you did.

How could you not have watched the SYFY world premiere of Dinoshark last Saturday night? Unless you were donating a kidney or reffing a hobo fight, there is nothing that should have kept you away from Dinoshark.

Especially on account of the Dinoshark Drinking Game.

Yep. The gang and I (I’m not at liberty to say who, exactly….hmmm who could it have been….) developed a drinking game especially tailored to our Dinoshark viewing, and the rules were as follows:

1.)Whenever the words “This was no ordinary shark…” are uttered: DRINK

2.)Dinoshark Breach: DRINK (and we will accept a half body breach on that)

3.)Dinoshark Tease: DRINK (we will accept either someone screaming and it turns out to be goofing off, or a scene with a close-up of someone dangling a leg in the water carelessly)

And then added as a last minute rule after the first 10 minutes:

4.)Whenever actor Eric Balfour forgets he started the movie (inexplicably) speaking with a Mexican dialect: DRINK

See? What fun! A spectacular cinematic treasure and a .25 BAL all in one night!

And, Husband is somewhere in Ohio doing quien sabe?- maybe accounts receivable, maybe logging. So I was free to enjoy Dinoshark debauchery without the eye-rolling and the “After this we are changing to IFC.” I enjoyed it so freely that wanted it to never end, so I set up a little game for myself this week based on our 4 rule Dinoshark experience.

1.Whenever the words, “I’m only looking to buy a really big book” are uttered: DRINK

2.Query Breach: DRINK (we accept that a breach can include any/all of the following):

a.Calling me Barb in the salutation

b.Referring to the work as the next THE HELP because author has also been rejected 45 times

c.Asking me in the body of the initial query to also include in my reply names of colleagues that I think might like to read this

d.Anything beginning with, “Just like Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight…”

e.Anything that sounds like the title could *also* be Rapey McRaperton and the Rapings on Rape Hill

4.Whenever a query forgets it started out as a professional inquiry and reverts into “This is my dreeeeaaaam and you’re in my waaaaaaaayy”: DRINK

I figure I will be niiiiice and loose by about Thursday at 2:30. So I suggest if you have any actual business to conclude with me you get in earlier rather than later.

Also, speaking of cocktails, if you are in the Chicago area on March 23rd you should TOTALLY check out my thriller author Jamie Freveletti’s new Literary Salon she started www.chicagoliterary.com . Awesome. Authors getting together and tackling big topics with guest speakers. The topic on the 23rd is: DOES MONOGAMY KILL THE SOUL? Huh. For some reason Husband says he will be in Chicago on that day…how odd.

March 15, 2010

I've reached that moment in life most dreaded (all right, SECOND most-dreaded) in the American male: I have become an old fogey. I haven't told any kids to get off my lawn yet (more than two of them wouldn't fit, anyway), but there are distinct warning signs. On the road to irrelevancy, you can tell how close you're getting to fogeydom if you're paying attention. And since nobody's as interested in my life as I am, I've been paying plenty of attention. The signs are there:

1. I haven't bought new music in years. Instead, I'm digitizing my decades-old LPs.

2. I still think of accumulating music as "buying albums." I don't think of it as "downloading to my iPod."

3. I don't actually know where my iPod is.

4. I honestly, truly don't get tattoos. They look stupid to me. Piercings, at least, you can remove when you're 35 and embarrassed.

5. I have spent more than one really good evening watching "Cash Cab."

7. It worries me that everyone I meet under the age of 25 has a first name that's a last name. Especially the girls.

8. I don't really remember what color my hair started out as.

9. In an age of affordable large flat-screen HDTVs, I don't get the appeal of watching movies on my phone.

10. For that matter, I still prefer a phone with a cord that rings. You know, like a bell. Music coming out of my cell phone doesn't say "answer the phone" to me. It says "hey, where's that music coming from?"

11. I am unable to stand up without grunting.

12. I see the young women on "Jersey Shore" (it was research, I swear) in their skimpy bathing suits, and I think, "her parents must be mortified."

13. I look at movie ads and feel alienated--they're not making anything for me anymore. Even "Star Trek" has betrayed me.

14. I get depressed watching "Men of a Certain Age." I mean it. Depressed.

15. I just received an invitation to my 35th high school reunion. It tells me where to send the check, and neglects to mention how much is being charged. I'm not going, anyway, but I was kind of amused.

16. My Congressman is younger than I am.

17. I'm proud both my children are Beatles fans.

18. I can't tolerate people telling me how much they love snow anymore. Go out and shovel my driveway if you love it so much.

19. I can see the day coming where I shave my beard off because I'll look too much like Santa Claus.

20. In six months, it will be just the two of us in the house again.

21. I read the obituaries in the newspaper every day.

22. For that matter, I read the NEWSPAPER every day.

23. I think Kindles are really cool. But I don't want one.

24. I think Wii Fit is an actual workout.

25. I don't think Judd Apatow is funny.

26. I don't find it amusing when AARP sends me membership information anymore. It is pretty funny, though, when they send it to my 20-year-old son.

27. I look at myself in the mirror and think, "Well, it could be worse."

28. I begin sentences to my children with, "Back when I was young..."

29. I don't fantasize about playing guitar with Bruce Springsteen anymore. I do sometimes think about playing with James Taylor.

30. I'm typing this wearing reading glasses. Over my contact lenses.

LP Archive Project Update: Two weeks' worth sounds like a lot, but really wasn't. Reading students' scripts, keeping up with the 1000 words a day of my own (now completed and in the "fix it up before submission" phase). But we did get through Robert Klein (Mind Over Matter is the best), Bonnie Koloc (Mrs. Me's records), Leo Kottke (nice instrumentals, vocals, eh) and then the brilliant Mr. Tom Lehrer, elitist satirist extraordinaire. Some of it meaner than I remembered, but "The Vatican Rag" is two minutes of absolute genius.

After that, it was the Lennons (John and Julian--not that much John that isn't already duplicated on CD; Julian is better than I remembered), Huey Lewis and the News (not deep and soul-baring, but fun), Little River Band (sift, there's good stuff there) and now working on Loggins and Messina. Just started.

March 14, 2010

So we were talking the other day about the way credibility in building a fictional world can be as much about perception as reality. You could safely bet the mortgage that there will be readers flagging as impossible the well-researched things you KNOW you absolutely nailed, while passing without a qualm the ones you sort of skated on. Actually skated a lot on. Over thin ice, with heated boots and ski poles for balance perforating the ice all around you.

Getting corrected on your caliber by a genuine gun expert is one thing, but a lot of times it’s regular people just deciding you must be wrong, refusing to read you because of it, and telling others about it (this chat came to some degree out of someone doing just that on a discussion board, thoroughly panning a certain book based on a lot of wrong and wrong-headed historical assumptions). Which is fine, you can’t please everyone and c’est la vie and all that, but it is somewhat maddening when it turns out their reasons are just because it sounds wrong to them or doesn’t match what their favorite uncle always said or they know they heard something different somewhere… sometime.

Which lead to some discussion about how and why people read and think they know things. Which in turn lead one of the group, whose reported life has this tendency to always be a bit more perfect than the rest of us, to pronounce that these people probably didn’t read enough to know anything (we weren’t sure how they would have gotten involved enough with a book to carp if that was the case, but there are times to raise these concerns and then there are those other times... this was definitely one of those). She added that the problem was the schools, that she had homeschooled her kids K-12 and look at the readers her kids turned out to be. Of course they were so smart to begin with. Slight coughs all around. Oh dear, is it really that time already…

A group of us scuttled quickly out in search of revivifying liquids, but still wondering what made some people readers and others not. Everyone gets exposed to books at some point, but they only "take" with some of us. And nothing against home schooling, but whatever turned us personally into history buffs and lifelong voracious readers, that wasn’t it. While the member of the group who was a teacher herself (you may have already guessed that tact was not a strong point of the group member with the perfect life and kids) also had kids who went to public schools and managed to come out the other side with a love of reading and nicely working brains.

Figuring out the history buff part was easy. One of us, a well thought of historical mystery author herself, was turned into a history buff by that very thing: her public school. She was already a reader but that’s where she was exposed to the second passion that created a profession. I was one of those ensnared by Thomas Costain’s books about the Plantagenet kings of England, which showed in vivid, full of life fashion that history was very much about some amazing stories and not just the boring test prep factual drill we got in school. The Costain books hooked a surprising number of people, including a whole bunch of professional historians on an academic history list I’m on. They aren’t scholarly in the sense of meticulous footnotes and preference for dry facts over telling a story. But they’re not bad history either, with more integrity than a lot of popular history published today—he clearly did a reasonable amount of research and followed the known facts, while making it very clear when he was extrapolating on his own. That extrapolation was generally just about padding things a bit to bring them to life, a matter of too much he “must have” said this and she “must have” looked like that to make scholars happy. Current research makes some of what he says out of date, but they're still worth reading and still a great way to get a reluctant student interested in both reading and history.

When it came to reading, we decided the one thing that probably matters most was the one we had in common: parents who not only read to us, but read themselves as a normal part of their everyday lives. Books were simply a natural part of our environment. They weren't limited to expensively bound shelf decorations or "keeping up professionally" adult homework, and they definitely weren't in the "children, don't touch" category. They were the sweeping family saga sitting by the kitchen table to relax with when Mom got a break, the "feeding the curious mind" pile of nonfiction by the lounger that Dad would grab from to show me something during commercials on TV. Our parents read as if it was a natural, assumed, everyday pleasure, like walking the dog or relaxing in the tub. We may not read the same sorts of things as our parents, but because they read around us as well as to us, we read too. It's one of the best gifts they could have given us—not just a love of reading but the belief that reading was a normal part of everyday life and there was no such thing as not reading "because you don't have time," even if all you could manage was a few minutes here and there. The benefits will ripple through the rest of our lives and the lives of those we touch.

March 13, 2010

Today author Mark Terry, a Michigan guy, has written a post about book signings from an author's point of view. He has a new thriller coming out, "The Fallen", and is poised for a blog tour. He'll also be at Aunt Agatha's along with author Craig McDonald on March 20. Enjoy!

For a couple of years I interviewed authors for profiles I wrote for The Oakland Press in Michigan.

For the last couple of years I have done something similar for The Big Thrill, the online newsletter for International Thriller Writers, Inc., or ITW. One of the questions I typically ask on the record is “What are you doing to promote your novel?” It’s a softball question—they’re all softball questions—that reminds the authors, as if they needed reminding, that the point of these little exercises is to help them promote their novels to potential readers, AKA book buyers. But then I try to go off-the-record and ask, “So, do you like book promotion?”

Okay, I know you guys are authors or readers or booksellers (and I sort of assume those three aren’t mutually exclusive). The last thing (unless maybe you’re an author) you want to hear is that authors hate book signings and book talks, etc. Welllllll…. Okay, hate is not accurate. Let’s go with “ambivalent.” Here’s the truth from my perspective. I love meeting readers. Hell, I love HAVING readers. I have no particular qualms about public speaking. But… like most authors, I spend a significant chunk of my time in a room by myself playing with imaginary people. I LOVE playing with imaginary people. Yeah, we’re all nuts. Every one of us. But it’s what we do. Sometimes there’s what the shrinks might call “cognitive dissonance” between what we expect out of a book event and what we really experience.

I did a booksigning event on a July Friday afternoon in a university bookstore. Um… wow, was that a bad idea. In case you hadn’t guessed, not a lot of college students—or anyone else, for that matter—visit the university bookstore on a beautiful July Friday afternoon. Mystery author Meg Chittenden has famously referred to author tours, et al, as “leaping and posturing.” I tend to refer to it as “going to do that author thing.” Stephen King once told a story about how he was headed out for a book signing or TV appearance and his wife asked their youngest son if she knew where Daddy was going, and the kid said, “Yeah, he’s going off to be Stephen King.” I’m going off to be Mark Terry, who sometimes is a little different from the guy in the basement office pounding on the keyboard. I always think of the David Bowie song, “Let’s Dance,” with the great line, “put on your red shoes and dance the blues.” ‘Cause that’s what I’m doing, at least metaphorically, going out to dance with my readers and fighting my wallflower tendencies. I may do a little metaphorical tap-dancing, a little soft shoe, a little jig… whatever the music (and event) inspires.

I’m typically pretty pumped during an event, then am eager to go home. Even a casual book signing can seem like a performance, and if you’re a guy who really enjoys spending time by himself playing with imaginary people (and killing them!—cue maniacal laughter!), bringing your energy and charm up to performance levels can sometimes seem like a chore. But I’m getting better at it. And it’s worth it. Because we authors all love you folks who show up for signings and talks. Ahem. So show up! (Please).

March 12, 2010

More and more, authors are choosing to produce book trailers for their upcoming novels. If you are unfamiliar, book trailers are similar to the coming attractions you see for films, and give viewers a sneak peak to your book. Some look like they were shot with an iPhone, others look like they had the same production budget as The Dark Knight. The trailers are posted on YouTube, the author’s website, and, if the author knows what they’re doing, the trailer gets picked up by various blogs and websites around cyberspace.

Here are a few examples:

When done right, there’s an obvious appeal. The footage is exciting, the music suspenseful, and the trailer conveys the tone of the book. They can make you want to read the book more than a rave review or Amazon listing. Most importantly, they appeal to movie and television viewers, people who don’t necessarily read books.

So you have all the benefits of creating a book trailer, what are the cons? There’s really only one: cost. Hiring a professional to shoot and edit the film can cost thousands of dollars, and if you do it on the cheap, you risk losing the quality. If you happen to be a professional film maker, know your way around final cut, or have a friend in the industry who owes you a favor, you’re in luck. The rest of you need to find someone who knows what they’re doing, and generally speaking, the more they know, the more expensive they are.

Some other things to think about when deciding whether or not to create a book trailer:

Distribution. The book trailer won’t do you any good if no one sees it. YouTube, your website, your publisher’s website; those are the guarantees. If that’s the extent of your distribution, skip the trailer. If there are blogs, commercial websites, and other venues that would post your book trailer, it could be seen by enough people to make the expense worth your while.

Budget. If you were fortunate enough to receive a significant advance or if your publisher has a marketing budget, it is easier to cover the costs. But if money is a factor, consider which promotional tools will give you the most bang for your buck. A trailer might not be the answer. You might be better off visiting an out of town bookstore or attending a book festival.

Audience. Knowing your audience is a key element in deciding whether or not to produce a book trailer. People who buy books based on trailers tend to be younger and more techno savvy. If you write literary or historical fiction, you may have an older demographic who may not respond to the trailer, or even know where to find it. Identify your target market and decide if a book trailer is the best way to reach them.

Weigh the cost and benefits to decide if a book trailer is a necessary tool for your book. They may look sleek and attractive, but sometimes, the money can be better spent elsewhere.

**For those of you reading this from Left Coast Crime, stop by my "All About E" panel today at 2:15pm and the Publicity panel Saturday at 8:30am. I hope to see some of you there!**

March 11, 2010

Spring is ohmygoshsocloseIcantasteit. In fact, it's thundering here this morning, a sure sign of spring, hooray! Another sign of spring: The first three Tyrus Books spring 10 titles are at the printer and ready to ship! That's right: HELLO KITTY MUST DIE, THE DEPUTY, and DELTA BLUES will soon begin their journeys to bookshelves all over the world. Will they be perhaps making their way onto yours?

Ben and I just launched a new feature on the Tyrus website: direct preorder capabilities! The way we figure it, the more opportunities readers have to buy our books, the better. We are so grateful for the help that reviewers, librarians, indie booksellers, and readers have given us over the past (almost!) year (wow!), it's been spectacular, and we will ALWAYS encourage readers to shop indie.

With this new direct presale capability, Ben and I are hoping to reach customers who might normally do their book purchasing through, say, amazon, and remind them that hey, buying direct from the publisher is a great way to show your support of indie publishing. Plus, with direct presales, it's easy for my family to buy Tyrus books (hi, Mom!).

We also have a really, really, seriously beautiful limited edition of DELTA BLUES coming out this spring. It's the first time we've ever done a fully leather-bound edition, and it's got gilded edges and all kinds of bells and whistles. It's limited to 100 copies, numbered, and SIGNED, you guys. By the likes of John Grisham, Charlaine Harris, Ace Atkins, Carolyn Haines, etc etc etc! Oh, and also: MORGAN FREEMAN.

Ben picked up the Morgan Freeman signed tip ins from the UPS store yesterday, and we both nerded out a little bit. Here's what it looks like:

I KNOW, RIGHT?!

Anyway, I'm really excited about this direct presale capability, not only because I want to be able to get our books in many, many readers' hands, but also because I'm really curious about our readers, and where they come from and how they hear about us. So we're also introducing promo codes in a lot of places, not only to give readers an awesome $3 off, but also to track which way traffic is coming to our site. So! If you'd like to get in on this, go ahead and use the promo code "deadguy" when purchasing any Tyrus book.

Anyway, that's what's on my mind today. Spring! Tyrus Books! Also, wedding dress trying on! I scheduled an appointment for this Saturday, and I can't wait. Do you think they'll let me try on every dress in the store? I hope so!

And finally, I can't leave you without my weekly thoughts on LOST. Spoilers, highlight to read:Ben Linus, poor guy. I'm happy that he's now choosing the side of good ... but as each week passes, I'm less and less sure that Jacob actually is, you know, good. I don't know if this is really a good guy/bad guy kindof thing. But I do LOVE that every season there's essentially a big playground ball game, and everyone has to pick teams. What will I do when this show is over?! Probably rewatch all my BSG seasons. Yeah, that seems like a good plan.

March 10, 2010

When Crème de la Crime was first conceived back when the millennium was young and the world economy wasn’t a disaster zone, we tried to be realistic.

We knew we were unlikely to see our titles in the top ten bestsellers any time soon; word-of-mouth sells a lot of books, but with very few happy exceptions, word of mouth needs a half-decent marketing budget to place the book in public view and get people talking.

We also expected that authors with real potential (the only kind we were looking for!) would move on as soon as an offer of greener pastures came along. Like most small indie publishers, we operate on the proverbial shoestring, and six-figure (or even five- four- or three-figure) advances are as distant a dream for us as for most authors. One of our early press releases describes us as a nursery for fledgling crime writers.

On the first point we weren’t disappointed. Well, we were, still are, every time we look at the top ten bestseller list, but we’re still waiting to be proved gloriously wrong.

On the second… If I’m honest, I have to say that didn’t work out quite as I expected, but maybe I was too impatient. One of our launch authors, Maureen Carter, is still with us seven books into a brilliant series; I’m amazed she hasn’t been snapped up by someone with one of those half-decent marketing budgets I mentioned, but she seems as happy to remain part of the Crème Team as I am to have her there.

Adrian Magson, another launch author who developed a great series, decided a while ago that he wanted to write something else: a bigger book, and one that didn’t fall into the shape which seem to have emerged as our natural place in the world. I was sorry to say goodbye, but who am I to get in the way of following the dream?

Last year Linda Regan decided pretty much the same thing, and again, I didn’t want to get in the way.

We’ve lost a few standalone authors over the years when the market didn’t agree with my assessment of their work, but this game is all swings and roundabouts, and we’ve also gained three series writers, Roz Southey, Kaye C Hill and Mary Andrea Clarke, who seem to have captured the American imagination as well as doing fine on home ground.

So why is this on my mind this week? Isn’t there enough to do without coming over all philosophical?

Well, yes, there’s always enough to do. But the reason is a man called Gordon Ferris. This is someone to watch. We published two of his books in 2007 and 2008, and I always rated Gordon’s work; he told a good tale, people compared his laconic style with Raymond Chandler, and he certainly seemed to capture the spirit of post-war London. But for some reason I never understood, he didn’t capture enough of an audience to make a third title viable for us. I suspect that’s partly down to our usual penurious condition, and the lack of that half-decent marketing budget I keep harping on about.

It looks like Gordon may have landed on his feet when he stepped off the Crème ship. (Team? Ship? I think this is where I apologise for a plethora of mixed images.) Corvus, a new-ish imprint which is definitely going places, and almost certainly does have a marketing budget of well-nigh decent proportions, have just recognised his potential and offered him a deal. Next spring you’ll be hearing of Gordon Ferris.

And when you do, remember there are two more books with his name on the cover. You saw him first at Crème de la Crime.

March 09, 2010

Last week I received many comments about the Query Quiz and of course will be continuing with the final five questions. However, I was thinking I would casually ask my dear friends Colly Zoot and Amy Lindel to riff a bit on what THEY think would constitute a solid psychological examination of a Poelle querier. I had high hopes we would engage in gentle banter and perhaps have a chortle or two. However, rather than a delightful ribbing delivered while drinking tea without our pinkies extended,they began slugging toilet gin and roasting me like a pig over a spit. In a matter of 3 minutes, they had comprised these final five questions and their tally point results. With friends like these, who needs dugongs?

So here they are, the concluding questions, WHOM TO QUERY…..

6. It's Friday night and your significant other says "What's the plan?" You are most likely to utter:

March 08, 2010

I've decided what I want to be when I grow up (I'm 52). It's been a painstaking decision, one that I've spent a great deal of time and thought making. And after having considered many different professions, from Good Humor Man (I was four) to astronaut (it's sad; I was 43), I've found the one that suits my talents, my sensibility and my lifestyle.

I want to be a humorist.

Now, mind you, like almost all people in the world, I have no idea what it is a "humorist" does. I've never met one, so I haven't been able to ask. But I know what they don't do, and I figure that's more than half the battle.

First, I know humorists don't perform comedy. Those people are called "comedians" or "actors," and generally speaking, the ones who succeed are extremely well paid and almost universally disrespected. Others in their business who can't do what they do believe them to be somehow inferior, lucky beings to whom everything comes naturally and no thought or craft is ever required of them. So I don't want to be a comedian or an actor.

It's also clear that humorists do not write comedy. People who do that are known as "comedy writers," and in the entertainment industry, they are the most sought-after and least respected beings on the planet. Comedy writers are considered grownups who sit in the back of the room and wad up paper to turn into spitballs. They, too, are assumed to be savants of some kind, because all the people who judge them know they couldn't possibly do what comedy writers do, so they assume it's a lesser art form, and beneath notice. But they make a good deal of money, because so many people can't do what they do. Think Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man. Not for me, that.

Humorists also don't write about comedy. Creatures who do that are dubbed "critics," and while they are positive they are the highest-evolved form of human, they are universally despised. Comedy writers, when they are not picking insects off their fur to eat, say things like "a critic knows the way, but can't drive the bus," and ruder variations on that theme. I don't want to be a critic, but I understand they get into movies for free, so at least there are perks.

It's easy to tell that humorists don't analyze comedy. From the sound of the word, you might think a humorist is like a scientist, only in regards to humor. Not at all. People who analyze humor are called "bores." They pick a joke to death and then congratulate themselves for understanding why it used to be funny. The old saw about analyzing humor compares it to dissecting a frog: "no one really cares, and the frog dies of it." I really don't want to be someone who does that.

No, I've decided. On my next 1040 form, I want the "profession" line to read "humorist." But so far, I've been unable to find anyone hiring humorists. Even Monster.com has been unable to help find open humorist positions. I assume this is, like every other line of work, a function of the bad economy, and that as things pick up, work in the humorist industry will become more readily available, as well.

But if you hear about anyone looking for a humorist, feel free to direct them to this blog.

LP DIgitization Update: It's been a couple of weeks since I've posted on this subject. Time just gets away from you, and much has happened in the ongoing project of turning all my vinyl LPs into Mp3 files and, finally, CDs. Let me see how much I can recap:

When last we met, I had converted (alphabetically by artist) everything up to mid-career (much too short, the poor guy) Steve Goodman, and was looking at the Hs, from George Harrison through Billie Holliday and so on.

And then something a little unexpected happened.

I had gotten through the one Harrison album I wanted that I didn't have on CD already (no use digitizing something you already have digitized), the self titled George Harrison, through Don Henley, Janis Ian, Joe Jackson, and Billy Joel and was just beginning the Elton John phase when I realized there were some things I should have been seeing that I hadn't seen. No Jackson Browne (some of these are my wife's albums, I hasten to say). No Doobie Brothers. No Grateful Dead.

Something was wrong.

Sure enough, a quick tour of the other side of the basement turned up a treasure trove of obscure and in some cases, downright strange records that had, for reasons I don't fully recall, been stored separately. And so, I lugged those suckers upstairs and started in to work.

Suffice it to say, some grumbling was heard from the direction of my house that night. When you're at Elton John and you have to go back to Jackson Browne and re-shuffle the entire deck from there, well, it's not a jump-for-joy moment. So, here's where we are, and a partial look at how we got there:

Neil Diamond has actually written some good songs. Granted, all of them were from his pre-rhinestone phase, but they exist. You have to overlook a lot, but they're good pop songs.

Jackson Browne, and I'm sorry, ladies of an age approximating my own, is boring. He is. Is there a tune in there that I'm missing? How do you stay awake?

It's amazing what the Beatles have to answer for. Herman's Hermits? My lord, that was a strange band.

Believe it or not, Janis Ian is not always depressing. Too many people remember "At Seventeen" and nothing else. She actually has a sense of humor, and is quite musically accomplished. Easier to listen to than Jackson Browne, anyway.

Joe Jackson's Body and Soul is a seriously overlooked album. Not just interesting, but fun to listen to. Catch "Cha Cha Loco" or "Go For It" sometime, and try to get them out of your head the rest of the day. You can't.

Current status: Late career (and I mean anything after 1977) Carole King. Great early stuff, later, oof. Coming up: Robert Klein, Leo Kottke, Leah Kunkel and the three records that comprise the sublime career of Mr. Tom Lehrer.

March 07, 2010

Honestly, they're playing better of late, so it's not the burning desire for a quick roster fix that has me contemplating murder as I leave the arena. But it was one of those games with too many stretches of ugly (Have they ever checked if some of the guys who send half their passes to the wrong team might be colorblind? I'm just saying…), so for distraction I was trying to figure out once again why there are so many more baseball mysteries than basketball ones.

I know, I know, baseball is already all about the stories, as the announcers reminisce to fill in the copious time between plays (I "watch" mostly over the radio, where you really do get some great storytellers). And of course there are serious issues with trying to develop a plot that requires people 7" tall to sneak around unobtrusively to commit mayhem.

But still, basketball has plenty of drama, passion, money, sex, ambition, jealousy and all the other standard reasons for murder. Players used to be called cagers because they literally had to play in a sort of court-sized cage to protect them from the fans. No one's been killed with a fastball on the court, but there are famous examples of mayhem from Kevin McHale's closeline of Curt Rambis to Kermit Washington's not far from fatal punchout of Rudy Tomjanovich. And there's certainly room for mayhem off the court, witness the stabbing that nearly ended Boston Celtic Paul Pierce's career and life, or the recent weapons in the Washington Wizard's lockerroom.

Regardless, basketball doesn't seem to hold the same appeal for mystery writers. There are the a handful of somewhat obscure one offs, like Michael Katz's Murder off the Glass out there. And Otto Penzler had an enjoyable short story anthology a year or two back titled Murder at the Foul Line, which showed some of the range of possibilities for basketball and murder. Probably the nearest to a series would be Harlen Coben's books featuring sports agent Myron Bolitar, since Myron played briefly for the Celtics before blowing out a knee. But only Fade Away and One False Move are about basketball to any real degree.

Compare that to all the series and one offs there have been about baseball, from Troy Soos' historical series featuring Mickey Rawlings to Alison Gordon's wonderful series set up in Toronto and featuring one of the first female beat writers, through a more recent standalone title set during the Red Sox' 2007 championship season - Dirty Water: A Red Sox Mystery by Mary-Ann Tirone Smith and Jere Smith - which even has Big Papi playing a cameo. With lots and lots in between, including a number of books and series featuring former baseball players turned detective, such as Richard Rosen's Harvey Blissberg mysteries. I love basketball and only like baseball, but to my frustration, my bookshelves pretty accurately reflect what's out there for both.

So what IS it about baseball that makes it so much more likely to drive people to murder? The pace? The people involved (I'd actually think the culture around basketball has more violence, or more common violence. And that's without getting into players like Gilbert Arenas and his confusing the locker room with a gun storage facility)? Basketball fans are less apt to be writers? Something as simple as marketing and the belief that there's more of a market for baseball mysteries?

I dunno, but plotting to do something about it might give me relief during the next extended streak of the uglies on the court in front of me… Sigh, I realize they call them free throws as if they're worthless, but trust me, you still get a point for every one you actually make, two points if you make two. Getting back to murder as a way of revamping the roster….

March 06, 2010

Since we're a bookstore (and I also write a newsletter with book reviews) we get a ton of ARCs. Many of them are from publishers but the occasional author sends one, or a PR person will mail us one. My favorite box, though, comes from our St. Martin's rep. It's usually loaded with good stuff.

I was thinking about why it's so exciting to get ARCs. Since we own a bookstore, it's sadly become a little easy to get jaded about books. They're everywhere I look it seems - where I work and where I live - so the thrill seems to be gone. But I'm still a voracious reader, so I think ARCs are special because it's the true thrill of the unknown (or sometimes, the awaited return of the familiar).

The most recent box from St. Martin's was a big one and my husband called me from the store to tell me I had something to look forward to when I got to work the next day. When I got in the next morning, I noticed there was a stack of fresh ARCs on top of our desk (and that's not easy to notice as our desk is not exactly clutter free), but looking at them I thought they were books my husband had picked out to read. We have pretty different taste, though scouting through his stack I noticed there was a new Michael Gruber title, so I snatched that one.

My pile got alarmingly large as I went through the box. I found a new Sharyn McCrumb - a new ballad book, by heaven!; the winner of the annual Malice Domestic contest (I'm reading that one right now, it's excellent); an historical by an author I'd noticed was nominated for an Agatha; and a book by Ed Lin, who I'd heard at Bouchercon and who sounded intriguing.

I couldn't tote them all home, of course, so I squirreled some away but I picked the Ed Lin and the Malice Domestic winner to bring home with me. The Malice Winner, by Gerrie Finger and titled The End Game, is very good so far (I'm about half way through). I had earlier in the week begun another book sent by an author as a teaaser, which I'm also enjoying. That's Ken Mercer's Slow Fire.

The next day my husband called from the store, and he sounded desperate. "Where's that Michael Gruber book?" he wanted to know. I had to fess up. The reading thrill is still there for both of us, then. And now, back to my copy of The End Game...

March 05, 2010

In a meeting with my web designer recently, it was brought to my attention that most author sites need a complete makeover. It seems that most authors don’t put a lot of thought into what their website says, and are more concerned with how it looks. He recently revamped a site for one of my clients and besides the improvement in look and “slickness” factor, my web guy pointed out some very distinct changes that I thought I should share with you today.

Nine Ways To Improve Your Website

1.Websites have a hierarchy of headers. The top headers most directly affect search engines. You want “John Doe, mystery author” in your top header.

2.Include plenty of buzz words within the body of your home page. If your book is a cat cozy set in West Virginia, you want to use the words “cozy mystery”, “cat”, “west Virginia”, “fiction”, several times throughout your landing page. That way, when someone Googles “Cat Cozy”, your book pops up.

3.Including embedded links can also help people find your site. If you used to work for a radio station or write for a newspaper and include those things in your bio, embed links in the text. That way, if someone Googles, “Washington Post”, there’s a chance they’d stumble upon your site.

4.Sell yourself. So many websites are too modest, with no blurbs or buy buttons. The main purpose of you website is to sell books, so include rave reviews, blurbs, and other accolades that will make visitors want to buy.

5.Your website should be easy to use. I hate scrolling through endless script, reading tiny font, or having to click through multiple pages before finding contact information. Put up clear headers, organize pages in a way that makes sense, and make sure all the pertinent information is readily available.

6.Avoid too much flash. Sure, lots of sites look slick and have cool special effects, but for the lady in her sixties with an old apple from the eighties, it’s going to take forever to load. You want everyone to reach your site easily, and if it takes people too long to load it, they’ll most likely give up and go somewhere else.

7.Your website should be professional, yet, reflect your personality. This usually comes from having a good web designer; they can get a feel for your style and how you present yourself. Not all mystery writers are black backgrounds, although plenty of authors go that route. Don’t be afraid to put a bit of yourself into your site and utilize your palette. It’ll make your page stand out and help readers get a sense of who you are.

8.Have a domain name that makes sense. I registered www.DanaKaye.coma long time ago, before I even had a page to put up. I didn’t want someone taking my site. If you’re an aspiring writer, register your domain name now. It barely costs anything, and it’s better than someone else taking it later. If someone did take your name, do what some of these authors did: www.andrewgrantbooks.comor www.mike-atkinson.com. Don’t name the domain after your main character, you never know when you’ll want to write something else, and don’t use something witty and obscure. It just makes it more difficult for fans to find you.

9.Don’t forget to consistently update your site. You want readers to keep coming back, but if they know you never update, they won’t have a reason to. Include a “News” or “Updates” tab and post new appearances, reviews, etc. It will give people something new to read when they return.

Now, just for fun, I’ll leave you with one of the first drafts of my landing page. If the page was for something other than book publicity, I might have used it, but for my needs it just didn’t work.

March 04, 2010

Now: What is it about a guy who will do anything to protect the woman he loves? What is it about that guy that he can't love or forgive himself? What is it about that guy that leads to tragedy? And why do we love those guys so much?

So, this week's episode of LOST.* (spoilers, highlight to read) SAYID! Oh my god, you poor, poor man. You're not good enough for Nadia, but you LOVE HER SO MUCH, but you're such a bad man! You marry her to your weaselly** brother and then are force to kill (something you desperately don't want to do anymore!) in order to protect her and the kids! MY HEART BREAKS FOR YOU, SAYID. But you are a classic example of that dude in fiction who hates himself so much that it makes everyone love him. Why does that work so well?! Sidenote: I love how Team Flockeness Monster could also be called Team Grieving Man. They've got Sawyer and Sayid. But good thing Penny still seems to be ok, because Grieving Desmond, I'm convinced, would DESTROY THE WORLD WITH HIS CRUSHING GRIEF. But oh my god, this just occurred to me: The only way for Jin to get on that team would be for Sun to die. Or vice-versa. Nooooo!

Besides this past week's episode of LOST (And the one a couple weeks ago, "The Substitute," which was all sad-Sawyer-wants-ANSWERS), I recently rewatched some Star Wars (Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi, and Revenge of the Sith), and was reminded of that greatest of great characters, Darth Vader.***

Poor Vader, right? All he wants to do is protect his lady love! He will perform various atrocities -- including killing a room full of younglings -- to ensure that his one. true. love. lives through childbirth. And really, he's got to be thinking, if she does die during childbirth, that's his fault, right? Seeing as how, well, it was her love for him that led to her death? And he's got to be wondering how in the hell he's worthy of her love in the first place, being all a nobody slave kid, and her being LITERALLY A QUEEN.

This whole "path to the dark side being paved with 'justified' honorable intentions" is what gets Batman in trouble, too. Because poor Bruce Wayne! He was born into privilege but then a random, senseless act of violence deprived him of his parents and now he's out to ensure safety for an entire city! And, you know, he's got to sacrifice greatly of himself in order to make sure Gotham is ok! And no one appreciates him! But it's cool, HE'S BATMAN! But inside he's so tortured!

And I love Darth Vader, and I love Batman. I mourn for the pieces of themselves that they must kill, suppress, or sacrifice in order to do what they feel they must -- and I agree that protecting one's love and one's city are good, honorable goals. But the cost! The inner sadness! The INEVITABLE TRAGIC RESULTS.

But I also kind of hate them. Because really, Anakin Skywalker? You are so immature and hotheaded and down on yourself that you can't stop for one minute and realize that yeah, everyone dies, and it sucks that your love might, but it's maybe not worth becoming the CLEARLY EVIL Emporer's apprentice? That man can shoot purple force lightning out of his fingertips! RED FLAG, ANAKIN! And Batman, your goals are noble, but in many cases, you're helping create the monsters you then must fight. Bruce, you are literally being haunted by your own demons! And also Killer Croc!

Dudes, you're bringing this on yourselves!

Which is what makes the tragic hero so delicious, and so despicable. But what do you guys think? Do you like a good tragic hero?

* p.s. If you're a fan of LOST and aren't already reading the recaps, Tracie's at Jezebel and Jeff Jensen's at EW are SO GREAT. I stay away from Lostpedia because I don't want to risk spoilers (or, you know, losing my job due to constant reading of Lostpedia), but I do love some good LOST speculation the day after watching the episode.** Wow, this totally doesn't feel like it should be spelled with two Ls.*** I consider it a real challenge to future generations of Star Wars first-timers that the movies are numbered the way that they are. Because yes, I know, the numbers make numerical sense, but if you've never seen them before you would be doing yourself a real disservice if you watched them in any but their original release order (4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3). The genius of the story is that you don't even know it's totally been all about Vader's arc until the end of 6, really, and being introduced to him as supreme badass telekinetic throat-crusher and left with him as broken, burned, lost-everything-forced-to-live-in-a-scary-outfit is SO WONDERFUL. Seriously, it is our job to make sure that the kids of the future watch them 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3.

March 03, 2010

The bad news is it looks like it’s open season on small bookshop chains.

I had a sad moment last weekend, walking down the main shopping street in a town – not my own – where they proliferate, and coming upon the broken shell of the branch of Borders UK where only a few months ago I enjoyed a half-hour browse. I couldn’t quite understand why the empty shelf units and bashed-in boxes were lit up by several thousand watts of electricity, but hey, it’s not the administrators who have to pay the bill.

Then on Monday morning, the headline story in all three of the book trade e-newsletters I receive was the demise of Hughes and Hughes, a small but significant chain mainly based in Ireland. Last year they seemed to be doing quite well, until a much larger chain, who shall remain nameless lest they turn litiginous, but they know who they are, snaffled a large chunk of airport business from under their noses.

So maybe I’m going to have put my hands up and admit I was wrong about the effect of global economic chaos on the book trade.

As far as I’m aware up to now (and I’m feeling around for a large chunk of wood to touch as I type this) no publishing house has actually gone to the wall, though there have been more cutbacks and belt-tightenings than at any other time in history. But bookshops are the end of the line, the places where most sales are made – yes, still, despite supermarkets and the internet – and most important of all, the place people go when they want to wander and browse and suss out what’s available: which is rather important to us little guys, who need people to sample and handle what we’re offering so that it becomes familiar and looked-for.(Of course that would work better if more bookshops actually stocked books from little-guy publishers, but we have to start somewhere.)

The good news? There’s a rumour going round that independent bookshops are thriving – taking on a new lease of life, in fact. The wholesalers are focusing their attention on the little shops, offering them more attractive discounts, running promotions aimed directly at them, even bringing out catalogues especially for them. And as the small chains slowly sink in the west, real booklovers are abandoning the big bookshops, the ones with huge stacks of celebrity biogs and cookery books which no one buys to read – and heading for the indie, who stock a wider selection of stuff people actually want.

Is this true? I’d love to think so. My nearest indie, ever since my local one was put out of business (long before the recession, but by, yes, you guessed, a chain branch which opened up down the street), is close to an hour’s drive away, so I don’t get there as often as I should, but it’s still there despite me.

The biggest business was small when it started. And sometimes it’s being big that causes the problems. Maybe small really is beautiful. And maybe it’s us little guys who will come out the other end of all this gloom with smiles on our faces.

March 02, 2010

My colleague here, Jon Sternfeld, has an awesome book out today by author David Chura. Here is a brief quote from one of the blurbs:

"In thick and unvarnished descriptions, David Chura takes us into the growing gulag of American youth prisons and shows us the fractured faces and bruised spirits of children who seem almost condemned to destruction by the structural ecology of class and race and ancestry…”

Um, okay, first of all, this book clearly is as socially relevant as it is evocative and startling. And it makes people use the word “gulag”, which is also awesome. Jon is way into the socially conscious non-fiction, and when he discusses his books in our meetings I can pretty much count on hearing phrases like “sheds light on an ugly societal truth” and “staggering power of the human spirit”.

On the opposite side of the table, most of my conduct during our meetings consists of swallowing belches into my fist and trying to see if I can keep a pencil notched in the nook between my brow line and the bridge of my nose. Regardless, we both have some quality stank on our lists. (Although I think Jon doesn’t use the word “stank” to describe his. I’m not sure why.)

See, I know I always say it, but it truly struck me again today: subjectivity IS the name of this game. This ponderence (um, why doesn’t spell check like ponderence? I say it alllll the time, so it MUST be a word) led me, working in conjunction with a think tank from NASA, to create the following these comprehensive and scientifically based ten questions that will help you if you are torn between querying Jon or me.

c.)Saying something wildly inappropriate and then glancing towards the drawer where I keep my flask.

2.)If there was a fire in my home and all of my loved ones and pets made it out safe and sound and I could rescue one thing it would be:

a.)My first edition of Call of the Wild

b.) My grandmother’s handwritten recipes

c.) The irrefutable proof that I indeed caused said fire

3.)When involved in a confrontation I generally:

a.)Really try to put myself in the other person’s place and come to an informed compromise

b.)Stay firm, yet malleable enough to resolve the issue

c.)Attack verbally with the kind of catastrophic vitriol that leaves someone in tears and someone in jail

4.)When I need to find a moment of calm for myself in an otherwise hectic day, I:

a.)Find a quiet corner and meditate

b.)Enjoy a cup of green tea

c.)Prank call Janet Reid

5.)My spouse is employed. Their job consists mostly of:

a.)Customer Service

b.) Sea Mammal Care and grooming

c.)I am not sure but that check still cashes

Whoops, it looks like we are all out of time. I will have to continue the quiz and the final tally of points next week. (That's called suspense. Or so the NASA folks tell me.) Tune in next Tuesday to finally discover (say it with me like a big game show crowd) WHOM...TO...QUERY!

March 01, 2010

We'll be back with more of Really Long Stories on Depressing Issues in a moment. But first, a reminder that this is Day 6 of our pledge drive here at your local station, and we'd like to take a moment to discuss the benefits you can enjoy by becoming a member.

As you know, we provide you with crime fiction that tickles your fancy as it stimulates your mind. We create the kind of laugh-filled, character-driven, enjoyable mystery fiction that you just can't get anywhere else, unless you look for it. Now, isn't that worth 0.221424657 (that's 22 cents) per day?

That's right. Buying each and every one of this author's books at full retail price would cost only $80.81. And let's face it, NOBODY pays full retail price anymore. Even at that rate, the daily cost of all this terrific crime fiction entertainment comes to 22 cents per day.

But we're so sure that you appreciate the kind of crime fiction book programming we offer that if you are willing to double that commitment--yes, we're still only talking about 44 cents per day--and buy TWO copies of this author's books, we'll send you a FREE bookmark as a token of our appreciation.

Yes, you get the entire Aaron Tucker series--FOR WHOM THE MINIVAN ROLLS, A FAREWELL TO LEGS and AS DOG IS MY WITNESS--in addition to the Double Feature Mystery series (SOME LIKE IT HOT-BUTTERED, IT HAPPENED ONE KNIFE, A NIGHT AT THE OPERATION) twice for a pledge of only $161.63, which comes to only 44 cents per day.

Now, we here realize that money is tight right now. We know you have burdens on your income that you may not have experienced in a good number of years. And we know that picking up a funny mystery book is a way you manage to escape your troubles and immerse yourself in a puzzling mystery that has warmth, characters who feel like family and friends, and some good old-fashioned killing the bad guy. It's an important release, and we're honored to bring it to you.

But, hey. Paper costs money. Ink costs money. The author tells us that college tuition costs a TON of money (and his youngest joins the ranks of burn-the-parents'-retirement-fund this coming September). You think you're helping the cause when you go out and borrow a copy at the library? Worse, when you pass your copy on to a friend or relative because you're "sure they'll enjoy it"? Hey, if they're going to enjoy it so much, let 'em buy their own copy, or better yet, buy them a fresh one yourself! Authors have to eat too, you know!

Sorry. Sometimes we get carried away here. You know, the largest part of our funding for the year comes from people like you. People exactly like you. People who actually look something like you. And without that funding, books like A NIGHT AT THE OPERATION, or the upcoming NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEED, from E.J. Copperman, simply would not exist. And is that the kind of world YOU want to live in?

We didn't think so.

We're about to run out of time, and we know you want to get back to Stuff You Can Tell People You Heard to Make Yourself Sound Smart quickly. So we'll leave you with this thought: Some people say books are an endangered species. They say that soon, we'll all be reading everything off little screens that people like Steve Jobs and Jeff Bezos invent to "simplify" the reading experience and "bring it into the 21st Century." Well, what's simpler than a book? You open it, and the words are there. You put it down, come back, pick it up again, and the words are still there. Now, THAT'S technology!

So please. Take some time out of your busy life--and we know it's busy; you should see the kind of stuff that's going on around here: I mean, the Dunkin' Donuts budget ALONE would sink some small companies--and commit that 22 cents a day. Or, if you feel more comfortable at the entry level of membership, just buy SOME LIKE IT HOT-BUTTERED at $6.99 full retail price. That's 0.01915 cents per day--less than two pennies.

Are you telling us you can't spring two cents a day? What if we throw in the bookmark?