Here’s an important bit of wine news that blew in over the weekend. Results of an annual Gallup poll have concluded that – wait for it – headline coming next...

US men prefer beer, women love wine

Damn! Did that blindside you the way it did me? Wine is a chick drink! What the hell have I been thinking all these years? And that’s not all. There’s still more startling news in this landmark survey!

“Wine,” says Gallup, “is the beverage of choice for women and older adults!!!“ (exclamation points inserted by me). That’s really great. That makes me a wimp AND a geezer.

More ground-breaking details followed. Wine drinkers, says Gallup, are mostly based on the East Coast. Beer drinkers live in the Midwest.

So I guess that here on the Left Coast we’re all too busy riding motorcycles and smoking pot to drink anything at all. Ice tea anyone?

The news just keeps on coming. Gallup also points out that drinking is commonplace in the United States! Two thirds – that’s 66.666 percent (whoa! da debbil!!) for those who failed math – of Americans say they actually consume alcohol. Gallup doesn’t say how much of that is cough syrup, cleaning fluid, or anti-freeze. But almost half of us (44 percent) claim to drink at least one alcoholic beverage a week. Party animals!

Here’s where it gets even more interesting... According to this astonishing research, just 12 percent of the two thirds identified as drinkers admitted to consuming eight or more drinks over the past week. Now if you count the 150 or so wines that I taste in an average week, toss in a few amaros and maybe a gin and tonic, I am personally taking up the load for 20 or so of you slackers! And that doesn’t begin to consider what STEVE! consumes.

Just to be sure that they are not seen as pro-alcohol, Gallup points out that 22 percent of all drinkers said that sometimes they drink too much. Those are probably the ones that have one glass a week and feel guilty about it.

Just to put this all in perspective, here is a glance at our drinking habits a couple of centuries ago (courtesy of Wikipedia):

“In the early 19th century, Americans had inherited a hearty drinking tradition. Many types of alcohol were consumed. One reason for this heavy drinking was attributed to an overabundance of corn on the western frontier, which encouraged the widespread production of cheap whiskey. It was at this time that alcohol became an important part of the American diet. In the 1820s, Americans drank seven gallons of alcohol per person annually.

“During the 19th century, Americans drank alcohol in two distinctive ways. One way was to drink small amounts daily and regularly, usually at home or alone. The other way consisted of communal binges. Groups of people would gather in a public place for elections, court sessions, militia musters, holiday celebrations, or neighborly festivities. Participants would typically drink until they became intoxicated.”

We still do this, only it’s called college. Then again, given how the upcoming election is shaping up, a communal binge may be the only rational way to approach it.

As usual your journalistic expertise lives up to expectations!(grin) I couldnt agree with you more re the election or the pot of the left coasters. Furthermore, I will attempt to do better and carry more of the weight so that you are not overly burdened. Who is this amazing STEVE that you speak of? Thanks for making my smile on an otherwise rough Monday.

well .. it's taken a lot of time Paul, but you managed to post one where I didn't actually learn a thing. I think I will cheers this up with my own blend of anti-freeze, cough medicine, and $4.99 Moscato. Cheers !

Just wanted to tip my hose to you for the fabulous title of this post! Bravo.

The poll also revealed that of the people who drink alcohol, 58% have urinated on their shoes, 74% have urinated on other people's shoes, while those on the left coast mostly urinate on their bare feet.