I finally got around to importing some of my favourite ancient posts from room2593.com (the featured image is the original front page; here’s the final room2593 front page) and archpenguin.com glory days to my new blog. I tried to import the comments intact. That was a struggle, considering the formats go back to whatever version of WordPress we had in 2008. I also had to update a few of the posts to reflect new websites and to clarify things now that everyone’s blogs are separate. I imported comments from other…read more

Ugh, I can’t remember what I was here for. My calendar just says I’m supposed to be here to meet someone. I guess I’ll just wait over here with you. I don’t think I know anyone else here. Anyway, did you see that new film with what’s-his-face? He was in that other one with that hilarious guy–you know. Anyway, I’m pretty sure it will get an Oscar. If it doesn’t, you know there’s something wrong with that system. Speaking of awards, did you hear what happened at the Emmys? My…read more

I opened the door and saw a half-naked man in front of me. Well, at least the half I could see was naked, and I can’t really speak for the other half because I quickly averted my eyes. “Put some clothes on!” I yelled. My mind went back to the exciting first few days. I met my new cellmate. We had quite a bit in common, but nothing to talk about. He only lasted about four months. He was moved to a different cell block. I remember the first time…read more

When you need to go, the last thing you want to happen is to be assaulted by the very facilities you trust with your discreet business. Unfortunately, with the state of today’s technology, assault has become a commonly employed method for moving people through quickly, allowing businesses to decrease the number of stalls necessary for a given number of patrons. It makes business sense, but it doesn’t make business sense. (Yes, Robby, that was “pun-gent”. So was the title. So is the subject of this post. Punception!) Automatic Flushing Are…read more

Whether you’re listening to The Cranberries or playing the latest co-op FPS, you need to be prepared to handle a zombie. When the real apocalypse comes, you need to know where to find a crowbar. In fact, I’ve compiled a good list of advice we should all take for the impending terror. Gun rights are rubbish. I’m not saying that we need to ban guns. Quite the contrary! I’m saying that we need to start tracking where all the guns are. Let’s face it: a crowbar will only get you…read more

(*Amanda, I hope you don’t mind if I use your name. I didn’t want to write about gas prices. Thanks for the idea, too, even if you don’t think you came up with it.) A: “Welcome to 90.4, WSPF, Orlando, Florida! I’m your host, Amanda. This morning we will be talking about the benefits of skin cancer.” A: “Here’s our first caller, Gregory. Greg–may I call you Greg?–how are you this morning?” G: “I’d rather you call me Gregory. I’m doing rather well this morning. I used plenty of sunscreen,…read more

Imagine a world where the laws of physics were more like the rules of grammar (too many exceptions, senseless at times, confusing, unknown by most people, etc.)…. For an object to move, force must be applied to it. An object whose mass is less than that of the combined masses of any objects within the squared diameter of it may, however, move on its own, provided it never comes in contact with any object travelling in an equal and opposite fashion, regardless of size. Also, any object whose mass is…read more

“They’ve never even been to Cambodia!” “Who’s to say that’s an entirely negative thing?” “They can’t be authorities on a subject if they haven’t even seen it.” “So you’re saying that blind people can’t ever be authoritative figures.” “No, I’m saying that to be an authority on issues of Cambodian lifestyles, you have to at least visit there.” “Okay. Basically nobody really knows a thing about the stars, then.” “Seriously? We can all see the stars. People with giant telescopes have become experts…” “You really hate blind people, don’t you?”…read more

Today at lunch, Robby quoted some Shakespeare. He couldn’t remember from what play it was, though, so he wanted to look it up on his phone. The phrase: “…and pity ’tis, ’tis true.” The method for research: iPhone + voice recognition. The result: “and titties tits big boobs” I’ll admit that they do sound somewhat similar, and I’m happy that technology always assumes that people are irreputable characters in constant search of irreputable things. (*Side note: “irreputable” is a word. Spell-check is telling me it isn’t. Spell-check is wrong.)

Copacetic is a good word. I was watching “The Mentalist” last night while eating my CK enchiladas, which I decided are not too bad, when Robby came in the room. Not twenty seconds later, somebody on the show said the word “copacetic”. Robby loved it. Today, Robby figured out where he first heard the word. It was in the movie “Catch Me if You Can”, a very good movie. He couldn’t remember the name of the character, though… “he’s… the… DaVinci’s father?….” I, of course, immediately was thinking of Tom…read more