Sex – Making Time For It!

“So, Sex…. it’s just like hugging only wetter“! One of the funniest lines ever uttered in a TV show! And so true. Now I’m sure there are a lot of mummies out there who do not feel sex is high on their priority list and I don’t blame them; we’re tired, cranky, in need of a long hot bath and an early night that actually involves sleep not sex. But I am here to dispel the myth that all mothers lose interest in sex the second they have a baby.

Sex is a massively important part of any relationship. And, for the most part, women want it just as much as men. But when we’ve just had a baby, things do admittedly take a back seat! You’re exhausted, which in turn makes you a bit moody (or just generally bat sh*t crazy), and the only bedroom session you want is an unbroken nights sleep. Plus given what’s just made its exit from that part of your body, it’s not surprising you don’t want anything “poking around down there”!!!

When we went to our NCT classes our session leader (I refuse to call her a teacher) declared that husbands are most likely to cheat on their wives within the first 8 months of a baby being born. Thanks love, as if us new Mums don’t have enough to worry about! If we were to succumb to all the pressure thrown our way we’d need to get our bodies back into shape within that celebrity 6 week window when famous Mums just happen to look perfect in a bikini after giving birth, we’d need to be keeping our other halves sexually satisfied and with the prowess of a yummy mummy, all the while feeding, changing nappies, trying to keep hormones in check, running a household, coping with sleep deprivation and keeping our tiny little humans alive! Unrealistic much!!!

Having said that, it doesn’t mean we have to let things slide. There are ways to keep that fun and romantic element to a relationship. And not just because you have an irrelevant person putting it in your head that your partner will stray if you don’t put out, but because you actually want to. If I wasn’t having sex with my hubby I’d really miss it! I’ll admit we’re not at it like bunnies anymore but I am pleased to say we still have that spark and fancy the pants off each other. Of course it’s not always romantic; since Josh came along its more a case of “the baby’s asleep, lets have a quickie”! But to be honest it’s still fun and exciting and most importantly, time to be close to each other.

I think it all comes down to finding a balance. Don’t rush straight back into it after having a baby. I put a bit of pressure on myself; I was determined to “get back to normal” and was at it again after only 3 weeks (what a slut!!), but I now know that was way too soon, and when we did it again 6 weeks after the birth it was far more enjoyable cause I was more relaxed, feeling like myself again and not as uncomfortable thanks to the after pains of failed forceps and a C Section! I think we put far too much pressure on ourselves in so many ways and this is just one; there is this expectation that because we see so many new mums in the public eye back to “normal” so quickly after having babies we’ll all be the same. We won’t be. Just go with what feels natural to you. It most likely won’t be all romance and roses like in your honeymoon period; this is parent sex! It’ll be about 5 minutes of frantically getting it on whilst keeping an ear out for the baby waking up, or locking the door so no little people come walking in, potentially damaging them for life!!! Lets face it, men are men, they aren’t fussy and if they manage to get a shag from you in any way shape or form they’re happy and satisfied! And it’s more than likely that they’ll be in such a good mood afterwards you can spend the rest of the day bossing them around and they’ll happily do whatever you ask! So stop worrying that you have to be in model shape, or if your legs are completely shaved or not, and just go for it. Enjoy it and have fun with it even if it is only 4 minutes of passion! It’s better than nothing and will remind you you’re more than just Mummy; to your other half you’re sex on legs! Own it and Enjoy it!

God I needed to read this to give me a good kick up the AR** I am not post baby I am post hysterectomy and that is another story entirely but oh god the lack of sex and then feeling strange after applies!!! TY for linking up with #FamilyFun 🌸 So right for family fun, fun for the adults in the family x

Oh God – the mad NCT loons strike again – everyone I know who has been through those classes already has shared similar insensitive comments from their NCT mentors. Great advice though from you – thanks for sharing! Will definitely work hard to make time for this after the baby arrives! #FamilyFun

Brilliant Post. You are absolutely right about the media all we see are these celebs having babies and then looking perfect. Also on Instagram and Facebook its not just celebrities we see its other women too. I put so much pressure on myself too and hello fellow slut haha. I was at it after 2 weeks and like you described it was uncomfortable. Feeling this sort of pressure can lead to low self esteem its important to stop worrying how we look and like you said go for it and enjoy it. #modernmummonthly

I can’t believe the woman at your NCT class said that, talk about make a pregnant woman feel like shit. This did make me laugh though and is so true, no more sex at 10pm more along the lines of ‘quick little mans bedtime is at 8pm lets go so I can be asleep for 10!!’ x #KCACOLS

I can not believe your nct mentor said that, how insensitive and stupid! This post is so true, sex is still important once you become a parent. I think it was probably about 6 weeks before we were at it again but because it has been so long it felt like when we first got together again, fun times haha.x #kcacols

I’d have punched her, I don’t need that negativity in my life lol! Absolutely fantastic post hun! We waited 2 months with number one, 6 with 2 & 4 with number three. The best thing James and I did was have a conversation about sex last year. I had no sex drive when I was pregnant with my third and we never really got that connection back. Now I remember how important it is. Feeling wanted for more than just feeding a baby or making dinner is kind of a big deal in my book! Thank you so much for linking up to #KCACols Hope you come back next Sunday xx

Firstly: sex 3 weeks postpartum?!!! Impressive!! I think we were about 3 months in, and my husband was still terrified bless him! God knows what he thought would happen! It was totally wrong of your NCT leader to say what she did about straying husbands, but I can actually see how easily that could happen! I knew my husband looked at me differently once I’d had a baby, and we were both struggling with the changes to our relationship, and adjusting to or new roles. After I got pregnant for the second time, we didn’t have sex for the entire pregnancy, and for about 9 months after he was born…! It’s taken until now, with a 3 and 2 year old, for us to finally get back on track, and I finally feel like we are the closest to how we once were, before the babies! It’s definitely something we let slip for far too long, and you are so right, that it’s so hugely important!!
Thanks for sharing with #bigpinklink!