NO LONGER ENCUMBERED BY ANY SENSE OF FAIR PLAY, EX-JOURNALISTS RETURN TO ACTIVE DUTY TO FIGHT THE TRUMPIAN MENACE!

Deplorable Ted Nugent sold his soul to the NRA

Ted Nugent loves guns but went above and beyond to avoid getting drafted and being sent to Vietnam.

Yellow-bellied, draft-dodger Ted Nugent is now a board member for the National Rifle Association and has compared Democrats to “rabid coyotes” that should be hunted and shot.

“Keep your gun handy,” Ted said, “and every time you see one, you shoot one.”

Ted with his boy, welcomed into the Oval Office by the 45th president of the United States, Donald Trump.

Ted, you will remember, was too cowardly to go to Vietnam. “Took a lot of drugs to make me crazy,” he said in a 1977 High Times magazine interview about his pre-induction physical, adding that he ended the exam emphatically when he “shit my pants.”

“So I got my notice to be in the draft. Do you think I was gonna lay down my guitar and go play army? Give me a break! I was busy doin’ it to it. I had a career Jack. If I was walkin’ around, hippying down, gettin’ loaded and pickin’ my ass like your common curs, I’d say, ‘Hey yeah, go in the army. Beats the poop out of scuffin’ around in the gutters.’ But I wasn’t a gutter dog. I was a hard workin’, mother****in’ rock-and-roll musician.”

Ted wasn’t finished talking about the experience: “I got my physical notice 30 days prior to. Well, on that day I ceased cleansing my body. No more brushing my teeth, no more washing my hair, no baths, no soap, no water. Thirty days of debris build. I stopped shavin’ and I was 18, had a little scraggly beard, really looked like a hippie. I had long hair, and it started gettin’ kinky, matted up. Then two weeks before, I stopped eating any food with nutritional value. I just had chips, Pepsi, beer-stuff I never touched-buttered poop, little jars of Polish sausages, and I’d drink the syrup, I was this side of death. Then a week before, I stopped going to the bathroom. I did it in my pants, poop, piss the whole shot. My pants got crusted up.”

Ted gained a 4-F, not acceptable for the draft.

He claimed later, “I have never done a drug in my life. I have never smoked a joint in my life. I took two tokes off a joint with the MC5 one night and almost gagged and thought it was stupid. And that’s it. I took two tokes off a joint once. I snorted one line of cocaine. And one line of crystal methedrine before my draft physical — but God, that was worth it because I wanted to see the look on the sergeant’s face. That’s it for drugs.”

So Ted, who “never done a drug,” did at least three, the lying bastard.

Now an old man at 69, Ted taunts teen-age survivors of the mass shooting at a high school in Parkland, Fla. He calls young people who organized the March for Our Lives “liars, poor, mushy-brained children.” He called them “soulless” during a March 30 interview on “The Joe Pags Show,” a nationally syndicated conservative radio program.

“All you have to do now is not only feel sorry for the liars, but you have to go against them and pray to God that the lies can be crushed and the liars can be silenced so that real measures can be put into place to actually save children’s lives,” Ted said, claiming that the left had lied to the Parkland students, which he said meant they were committing “spiritual suicide.”

“To attack the good, law-abiding families of America when well-known, predictable murderers commit these horrors is deep in the category of soulless,” he continued. “These poor children — I’m afraid to say and it hurts me to say this, but the evidence is irrefutable — they have no soul.”

Crazy Ted, remembered for only one song, “Cat Scratch Fever,” appears to be the one with no soul. He sold his to Wayne LaPierre and the NRA.

2 thoughts on “Deplorable Ted Nugent sold his soul to the NRA”

There wasn’t much there musically, either. Can someone put Ted Nugent out of his own (and our) misery and just throw him in an old folks’ home? Never mind. Those poor seniors don’t deserve that wretched loser.