Agony Aunt: My boyfriend left me after pregnancy, but abortion is taboo in my family

I am a 28-year-old man; I hail from a lower middle class family in Bihar. Coming to Mumbai has been an amazing experience for me, I get paid quite well and people treat me with equality and kindness. But recently my father has not been keeping well and as my duty towards him I feel I should ideally go back, but if I do go back I would not be able to afford the medical treatment as my savings won’t cover much. How do I manage both these fronts?

Ans: I understand your predicament and how tough it must be to make a choice in the given situation. Firstly, evaluating the treatment plan for your father with important details such as, the cost, the place and the treating doctor is essential. Once you know these details you will be in a better position to decide what needs to be done next. Secondly, have a family discussion and explore options which could be suitable in a way that you can continue making a living as well as fulfill your duties towards your father.

I am a 15 year old girl belonging to a conservative family and a strict religious group. In the religious teachings we are taught intercourse is a strict no-no and I did what I had been warned against in my life up until now. A couple of days ago I got to know that I am four weeks pregnant. I feel upset for not listening to my parents. Additionally, my boyfriend has left me after learning about the pregnancy. But I know for a fact that I cannot provide for the child and abortion is a taboo in my family and religious teachings. What should I do now?

Ans: I get that you must be very scared at the moment and quite unsure of what to do. The fear of how parents would react when they know about it would also be quite daunting however, letting them in this is essential as well. Together you and your family could look into options that are viable both for your health as well as your future. You could also approach a psychologist who can work with you through all this as well as your parents so that your fears are kept to the minimum. And lastly, seeking help for making a right choice is always better than making a choice out of fear.

The career confession

I am a 16 year old student, I love to study chemistry and I want to pursue a career in it. My family business is in exporting and importing exotic products all across the globe. It is a well settled job; however I want to set my own identity. But with my parents constantly forcing me to pursue commerce in place of science which in-turn will leave me an option with only taking ahead my family business and not let me move forward in my area of interest; I don’t know how to convince them. Please help me.

Ans: The key to resolve an impending argument is to be responsive rather than being reactive. You and your parents are on different pages as far as your career is concerned and any kind of suggestions from their end or insistence on your end could trigger an argument. Thus, have a sit down talk with your list of pros and cons (chemistry) and their list of pros and cons (commerce) in order to understand each other. Finding a midway for instance, experiencing the business for yourself as an intern or discussing the prospects with chemistry could help immensely. Rallying for what you want instead of systematically breaking it down for your parents may be detrimental.

I recently went through a breakup and turned to be a social recluse since then. I am struggling to find my bearings as none of my friends are aware of this situation. I haven’t spoken about this to my parents as well. They are trying hard to communicate with me, but I am unable to reciprocate. I think talking to them about this break up would be silly and nothing concrete will come out of this. But I am really feeling lonely in all of this and also need to talk to someone. What can I do?

Ans: The fact that you have somewhere decided that your friends will judge you and not treat your emotions with respect is probably resulting in you being a social recluse. Talking about the hurt to a few close people may actually help in understanding that you are no longer actively experiencing the pain and that there are people around you to support. You don’t necessarily have to make it known to a lot of people if it makes you uncomfortable. We often limit ourselves with our own preconceived notions and thus refrain from taking any sort of help which could be beneficial. Introspecting on this aspect might help you reach out to people and resume being in the social circle.

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