Should I Text Him?

These days, texting is a huge part of our culture. This includes texting guys. You are probably in a situation where there is a guy and you are wondering if you should text him.

Maybe he is a friend, maybe he is a significant other, or maybe he is someone that you just met. But you are wondering if you should send a text his way or if you should respond to one of his texts that he has sent to you.

Read the situations listed and described below to see if any of them relate to you and what you are dealing with. These scenarios might be able to help you figure out if you should text this guy or if you should refrain from doing so.

Should You Text Him?

Are you sober?

You had a few drinks and now you are feeling bold and very aware of your feelings. Or at least you think you are. All you know is that you are now really thinking about this one guy.

Sometimes when someone is under the influence of alcohol, they might be in a state where they feel like texting that one guy. But if that person was completely sober, they would never dream of texting him.

If you have in fact been drinking and are thinking about texting him, then you should think again. Do you really want to reach out to him when you do not have a clear head?

You could end up saying something embarrassing that you might regret once the alcohol has left your system. The best thing to do is to wait until you have a clearer head.

Sure, maybe the alcohol has made you realize how you feel about this guy or it has inspired you to say something bold to him. But hold those thoughts until your head is clearer. If you still feel compelled to text him with these thoughts later, then go ahead.

Have you ever spoken to him before?

If the answer to this question is no, then you should not text him. Even if you got his number from a mutual friend or acquaintance, it is a little strange to text people that you have not had previous interactions with.

Think about how you would feel if a guy that you have never spoken to before were to text you out of the blue. Chances are that you would not appreciate the gesture. If you really want to get to know this guy, then try to talking to him in person first.

Remember that first impressions really count so be thoughtful about how you approach him.

Did he text you first?

If he texted you first, then you certainly have the excuse of responding as your reason for texting him. This certainly gives you the chance to text him without having to make the first move.

There are only a few reasons why you would not text him. If you are not interested, then you should not feel obligated to text him.

You might also feel hesitant to text him if you feel like he is the wrong guy for you. Maybe he is even in a relationship but is texting you anyway.

Whatever is holding you back, if something feels wrong then you have to go with your gut. Do not text this guy if your gut is telling you that it is a bad idea.

If he tries to be persistent with you and will not take a hint, then maybe you can simply just text him saying that you are not interested.

Is he reciprocating?

When you talk to him, does he reciprocate and make an effort in the conversation? This does not necessarily just mean that he answers your questions because that would mean that he is doing the bare minimum when it comes to communicating with you.

If you do make an effort to talk to him, does this guy make that same effort towards you? Does he sometimes ask you about how your day is going and does he seem to care about what is going on in your life? That is what reciprocity is about.

If this guy just politely answers your questions and says “hi” back, that is not a real friendship or relationship. Maybe he is just too shy, but it will seem like he is making no effort towards communicating with you.

Or maybe he does not even do that and he ignores most of your attempts to talk to him. If he behaves in this way, then he is not reciprocating at all.

In either case, you might be wasting your time texting him if you have already tried to talk to him before. If he knows that you want to get to know him, then he should be making an effort if he really is interested in you too.

When he does not make an effort in communicating with you especially after you have made an effort towards him, then it is time to give up and move on.

For a guy that does make the effort to get to know you and to let you know that he is interested in you and your life, it does make a lot of sense to text him. Texting him will keep the ball rolling between you and him and your relationship can develop more whether it is a friendship or something more.

Have you already texted him today?

You want to text him, but there is a question that you should answer first. Have you already texted him today?

If the answer to this question is yes, then you will want to take a minute to think if you need to be texting him again. This depends on what your interactions with him have been today.

Did he respond to your earlier texts? If the answer is yes, then maybe you can text him some more. This especially applies if he has been making an effort on his part to keep the conversation going.

On the other hand, if his responses to your previous texts were short, one-word responses with nothing else added, then he is either busy or is just not interested in talking to you right now.

And if he has not responded to your texts today, then you should give him space and give him a chance to respond to you later whether that takes a few hours or a few days.

Whatever you do, show that you care, but do not desperately go chasing after him either. If you already texted him today, then he already knows that you are thinking about him.

Now it is up to him to reply. Do not keep piling on the messages that you send him hoping that he will answer you if you send him a message every few minutes. That kind of behavior is overwhelming and you will appear to be too needy.

Are you currently in a relationship?

You want to text your guy. For some reason, you are thinking of him and want to reach out to him. Are you already in a relationship with him?

If the answer to that question is yes, then you have to ask yourself why you are not sure if you should text him. Is he upset with you or has he not been texting you back lately? Or maybe it is just a new relationship and you do not know how to act with him yet.

In such a situation, then you might be left wondering how to even communicate properly with your significant other. If you have already texted him, then it is up to him to get back to you.

Whether he is busy or upset, he will text you back in his own time when he is ready to do so. All you can do is try to have faith that he will get back to you. And if he does not respond to you after hours or even days, then you have bigger problems in your relationship to unpack.

If you are not in a relationship, then it can be a lot harder to know if you should text him. You might not know if you are overstepping boundaries by texting him and you might not know how he will respond to you.

Is this guy an acquaintance or a friend of yours? If he is just an acquaintance then it might seem out of the blue for you to text him. But if he is a friend, a text from you might be more expected.

Are you recently in a relationship?

When you are in a new relationship with a person, it is hard to know how to act with them. You have the idea of what a relationship should be as well as an idea of what this person might want or need from you.

You might be overwhelmed with giddy emotions that leave you wanting to text him all the time. Maybe you just want to be with him all the time, and when you cannot be with him constantly, then texting him often is the next best thing for you.

This can happen early in the relationship where you feel like you are on a honeymoon. Just be careful that you do not send him excessive, long texts that come off as too needy or desperate. Even if you are in a relationship, it is still new and people need their space.

When the relationship is still new, try to take things slowly, at least at first. This can give the two of you a chance to learn what kind of dynamic you have in your relationship.

Did something interesting or funny remind you of him?

Do you want to text him because you just have to tell him about something that reminded you of him? You might see something that makes you think of your special guy. And maybe you cannot wait to tell him about it.

In this kind of situation, texting him seems completely innocent. Just make sure that there are not 10 things a day that are reminding you of him. Doing so could easily get overwhelming for him instead of fun.

Did you just have a first date?

So you just had a first date with him. Many people will advise you to wait a bit to text him after your date. Some people will even tell you to wait for him to text you first.

In these modern times, you do not have to wait for him to text first if that is not what you want. You should not feel weird about reaching out to him first after your date. At the same time, do not try to appear over eager in your text to him.

Rather than texting him immediately after the date, you can text him a few hours after the date or even the next day. You can keep your text message to him simple by saying that you enjoyed the date or you can even refer back to an earlier conversation that you had during your date.

Whatever you do or say to him, try to remember to keep your text nice and simple. Also, try to avoid bombarding him with a ton of messages. Remember that you guys are not serious yet and have just been on one date.

Is he an ex?

If this guy is an ex of yours, then it makes sense that you are not sure whether or not you should be texting him at all. The answer to your question depends on how things ended previously with the two of you. Have you been in contact with each other since then?

First of all, did things end on good terms or did they end badly with this guy? If the relationship ended badly, then you should examine why you even want to talk to him.

Is the reason you want to text him because you want to try to win him back? If you do want him back, then you can let him know, but do not expect him to necessarily say that he wants you back too. If he is over you then you will need to respect his feelings and move on.

What if you want to text your ex just to make him feel bad? If things ended poorly with him, then maybe you still have some really bad feelings about the relationship and how it ended.

Texting your ex just for this reason might be pointless. Why bring up bad feelings again with your ex and risk getting yourself upset all over again? Instead of stirring things up with him, try to lean on positive people in your life like family and friends for the support that you need to get over this breakup.

Are you wanting to text your ex because you feel like you need some closure? Do you have some questions to ask him about the relationship or are have you been trying to figure out how things went wrong? If so, then feel free to text him to ask about it.

Just prepare yourself for the possibility that he might have some harsh truths for you if he does answer these questions for you. Or he might ignore you or he might tell you that he does not want to talk about it.

Whatever he does say, just remember to respect his feelings and his point of view on how things ended. But after that conversation with him has ended, allow yourself to close the book on this old chapter in your life and try to move on from it.

Do you need to vent?

Maybe you need to let your feelings out lately and you have been wondering if you can vent them to this guy. The answer to this question depends on how well you know him.

Have you known him for only a few weeks or have you known him for a lot longer than that? Are you somewhat close to him?

If you barely know the guy, then hold off on venting to him. Turn to friends and family instead if you need to let something off your chest.

Did you get into an argument with him?

If you have recently gotten into an argument with him, then you might be left feeling unsure as to whether or not you should text him. Before deciding if you should text him, examine the reason why you even want to text him first.

Do you want to text him to tell him off or do you want to text him to check on him and to talk it out? If you want to tell him off, then you are better off not texting him right now.

What is the point of texting him if you are angry too and want to make him feel bad when he is already upset? It is better to give himself and yourself time to calm down.

Allow yourself some time and space to think a little bit before you reach out to him to talk and make amends.

When you do text him, it should be in a way that is trying to patch things up instead of making them worse. Even if you do express your own feelings, avoid attacking him as you do so.

Do you have a valid reason to text him?

Why do you want to text this guy? Is it because you have something that you want to talk about or do you just want an excuse to talk to him?

If you have a valid reason for texting him, then it makes sense to text him. But if you are texting him for no reason at all, then depending on how well he knows you, he will either find this random texting to be endearing or a little weird.

Be careful that you are not making up excuses out of nowhere so you can text him. Doing so can mean that you have an unhealthy obsession with him.

Does he know you that well? Are you at least friends? If so, then you texting him for no reason will probably not be all that odd to him. If you are just acquaintances or if he barely knows you at all, then you saying “hi” or “what’s up” out of the blue might take him by surprise.

If you are interested in having a relationship with him and you do decide to text him, gauge his reaction before you decide to text him even more. Him texting you back and trying to continue the conversation means that he is interested in talking to you more.

But if his answers to you are short or if he does not answer your text at all, then he probably is not into talking to you at the moment. Try not to take it too personally, you do not know what could be happening in his life right now.

One exemption to texting a guy that you just met is if you just met him recently and you decided to exchange numbers. Usually, in this case, there is some flirting that goes on and you mutually decided to give your phone numbers to one another.

In that situation, it would not be strange at all for you to text him. If he gave you his number, then he was likely hoping to talk to you anyway. If he does not text you back, then maybe his interest in you wore off.

Conclusion

Figuring out whether or not you should text him takes some reflection as well as a good deal of common sense. If you do decide to text him, make sure you are in the right frame of mind to do so whether that means being sober or not being overcome by your emotions.

Also, remember all the reasons to not text him. These are the situations that can lead you to unnecessary drama. These are just a few situations in which you might find yourself wondering if you should text him or not.

Reader Interactions

Comments

What if…No…It is…I used to chat with a guy, in a group that my classmates created. We used to chat hours together! Being in the same ji class I didn’t know how he looked! Yes! And we were such online buddies….(let me tell you these things happens during my summer holidays) and when the school reopened…We both didn’t make an effort to talk to each other..And…Yesterday…We were on a school trip and he spilled the beans…”I talked to everyone except you..Hoping that you will talk someday” there was this hatred and anger I his tone while his face displayed no expressions! Couldn’t read them at all..”we chatted for hours! And all these months..You were so quiet..Like you didn’t know me at all” and then there were his eyes.. Penetrating through me…He was disappointed…Hurt…I think now he hates me…Idk should I text him or not?

I’ve had a text conversation with this guy twice in total, The first time we had a conversation, I was mesmerized with how he made an effort and actually reciprocated, we connected well. Due to that I think I grew an unhealthy obsession. The second time, I started the conversation and it was a good conversation, it spanned around 2-3 days. It ended with him complimenting my eyes (profile pic), I said “thanks” as it seemed appropriate, and haven’t messaged him since (6 days)… somewhat hoping he’d initiate the conversation. Obviously, we are communicating over social media so intimacy and escalation is near impossible, he’s on the other side of the world etc. He considers me an online friend, but I don’t think I should interpret it deeply as I doubt people wholeheartedly mean half the things they come out with .

I’m overthinking this sh*t and my intuition fails me lol. Just months back I confessed to a friend of mine that I had feelings for him, but he flatly rejected me and it was so awkward as we shared the same friends. I barely survived that semester and from to time I wonder about him.

I’ve got attachment issues because hardly anyone has ever tried to maintain a relationship with me (excluding family), anyways that’s a long story short. The more I distance myself from possible candidates (guys) by not coming off too strong and needy, I just explode eventually… I just need a sense of guidance as I have no one I can share my relationship problems with. I don’t expect you to reply, but I feel a sense of relief sharing this information. Regardless, thanks for this article.

Hi. I’ve been chatting with a guy. We met in online dating. Then we see each other personally, and honestly saying the feelings are mutual, we were comfortable together and sexual matter happens that night. After that, he has plans already for us- to live together. But suddenly we had a problem meeting up, due to our work schedules since we are both professionals. He invites me to meet everytime he is on restday, and vice versa. But the schedule is always conflict thats why we were not able to meet again. Its about two months now we are not seeing each other. Then I noticed for weeks now, when I text him he replies– but only when I text him, hes not initiating the communication any longer. Should I still send him text messages or need for him to do effort to text me first? I miss him a lot now.

We broke up in Jan 2017 and was a bad break up we had also blocked each other on the text app.
he saw me last year while I was driving by and he unblocked me. it took me lot of courage after that to contact him… he was receptive and we expressed feelings for each other….. the contact was on and off & he did lot of back and forth…. but made his feelings clear to me…. but there was fear. the last we spoke in Oct/Nov time frame and he said he could not talk because he did past hurt and fears and that he could not control his emotions for me and better to stop.
we took a break again and then on Valentines day he messaged me and we spoke to each other over the phone. we did discuss about meeting and that we would check schedules next week. he has not reached back with times that might work….
I miss him and want to reach out but don’t want to be the one to initiate and want him to start putting in effort.
what are your thoughts? what should I do. should I wait or contact him?

please let me know how to handle? I do not want to be the only one putting effort and at the same time I do not want to sound desperate….

Hi. I started dating a guy, we do fight very often. He continues saying he likes me, but in the end he always says he needs his time alone (reason of usual fights). And sometimes few days pass with him saying nothing. He isn’t seeing anyone else, I am sure of that, but I am always afraid to text him after these days of him wanting to be alone. I text first 85% of the time. It is weird that he does talk sweet in real life, but not often in text. He is older, 30 y, but I don’t think this might be an issue. Sometimes he is telling me he would merry me, and at some point, he says he is too afraid. I do text him a lot, maybe is this a problem with me looking too clingy and needy?

hi i recently met aguy i like soo much but he is not well at communication only mostly after work thats when we chat..i usually text him good morning every day and iam wondering whether i should stop and see if he will …two days i tried not to text good morning but he did not also text..iam confused we have been in two dates so far because of our work we dont see each other often only once in week and mainly we chat till we fall asleep… please advice

So, I am in a relationship with a guy and we mutually decided to take things slow and all since we both are still recovering from breakups. Anyways, everyrhing has been alright these past seven days that we have been together and we have been making deep conversations and all but we haven’t exchanged one single text. I don’t know if I should make a move and text first or wait and see what happens since we haven’t been together for so long and I don’t know how he will react and all… I really need some advice

We have been in the same class since 3 years! I never looked at him and so was he until one day on a college trip . I saw him watching me! Perhaps I fell for him so his friend request came up on FB so far we’ve been friends since last 10 days on FB. So should I text him as usual would he revert back! Without any solid reason behind it?

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