The illusory sense of peaceI once so craved and desiredMelted away into pools of necessityWith painted emotions and scribbled smiles

On the last day I used…January fourth two thousand thirteenI knew my options were to quit or dieA choice terribly hard for me

Death or life without chemical alterationFinally live free from addictions’ chainsA decision perhaps simple for someBut I was terrified I’d fail at trying to change

I did choose life, leaping forward in faithHolding only to a desperate desireI’d failed many times beforeAlthough my needs were always dire

I dwelled in a dark abyss of my designAn abyss filled with a raging seaKept afloat by drink or drugThe very same which tried to drown me

I quit… I was angry, afraid, in pain, and shakingSick and weak, unstable in mind and emotionsGrasping to something I couldn’t seeHopeless, alone, worn and broken

In time things improved, I began to let goOf the grip I held destructively tight I became willing to get the help I neededAnd gradually saw hope in sight

I had an AA sponsor by thenCynthia, The helper I came to knowAddiction treatment and meetingsBegan revealing alternatives to sorrow

I opened up to God, my higher powerI sought diligently to know Him once moreI learned belief was insufficientMy faith had to be restored

My abyss began filling the moment I stopped diggingEventually I grabbed outstretched handsThe raging sea became an ocean of soft swellsAnd at that time healing began

One year later, far removed from that darknessI reflect upon the trials and triumphsI’m grateful I declined death’s temptationBy accepting God’s help and guidance

If only I had known back then…I’d have told my broken spirit to hold onI’d share with her what I understand nowLet her know hope exists upon new horizonsI’d cheer her on each day of successHold her hand with each falling tearTell her that life will not hurt so bad foreverAnd that one day she’ll be able to feelShe’d feel without the torment of ever increasing painShe’d sit still in her own skinShe’d look people in the eyes, not down in shameShe’d break free from the demons within

To myself today I sayYou’re a long way from that arduous startOne day at a time you’ve progressedBut you mustn’t ever stopStay close to God and continue seekingSo enlightenment you’ll findWalk forward, using the past as a toolDemons in wait, grow stronger in timeKnow you can never open the doorTo the world which once enslaved youBe vigilant not to fall into the nets Cast as traps meant to undo

Way to go ElizabethYou’ve achieved the seemingly impossibleI will write to you again this time next yearAnd report on the remarkable!

Comments on: "One Year Clean And Sober…" (14)

Such beautiful Ode to oneself.
But do not regret your choices. For today you are stronger than ever. And ready to tackle another day and year. You are here because of those choices. Embrace them. And be the best you, you can be.
keep smiling.
A warm embrace to make you smile. Well done.

Powerful and emotional; your words convey a brutally honest truth that isn’t always found in literature – very well articulated ma’am. For what it’s worth, I’m glad you chose life – a world without your writing skills would be quite boring I imagine. Congratulations on succeeding in your endeavors!

You are always so kind and generous with your comments. They are gifts to my heart! Thank you very much. I’m grateful that God gave me the words to express this wild year. I hope all is well in your world!

Spiritual hugs and blessings to you my sister, I was inspired by what you shared and know that you will succeed in all that you seek to accomplish in your life, because of your deep faith and trust in God! Have a wonderful night!

Archives

A journey can be described as the interim experience between two places. I consider the journey I’ve been on thus far in my life, and I find myself with a surprising level of peace with what has been, and hope for what is yet to be. I’m perplexed to see these words spilling onto this page, and to know they actually come from a place of genuineness inside of me. My journey, as most involved in the human experience, has been riddled with hardships. Unfortunately, those hardships have always upstaged the many simultaneous blessings I’ve known. I was always running so fast that I never really took time to appreciate the good things in my life… I mean, deeply appreciate them. Recognition and passing nods don’t count much for appreciation! As a person in long term recovery from alcoholism and drug addiction I am finding that ceasing my fast pace escape methods and embracing a slower speed is changing everything for the better. That's ALL God if ya know me!
A huge part of my journey includes spiritual growth and discovery. God and I are much more than acquaintances now, and what an amazing difference. I've always tried to do everything on my own (and what a royal mess). I'm listening to counsel now and learning surrender.
I hope people who visit here, by sharing in my experiences, past and present. Part of life is figuring things out as I go. We all have to go through hard times and grow and change accordingly. The fact that we are able to go “through” and reach the other side is a gift. There is much to grasp in this life. The concept of an open forum where people all over the planet can share their thoughts, ideas, and beliefs excites me. The collective-experiences of individuals navigating their own unique quests, combined with the added benefit of finding common threads within- how amazing! Hope you enjoy peeking inside my journey from time to time!
Blessings and Beauty,
Elizabeth