Becoming suicidal.......

I just got diagnosed with a non verbal learning disability. At first i did not pay attention to it. After researching it some on the internet i am feeling really down. Im basically a retard (excuse my language). I feel so worthless and down. I already have low self esteem and this dips my self esteem to new lower depths. It says that i may have trouble reading body language or facial expressions or understanding sarcasm but i never had a problem with those things. It also says that people with non verbal learning disabilities can be socially awkward. And i am socially awkward to a certain degree. I used to be more socially awkward before much less now. But this being said as a 20 year old and being told my disability impairs me socially and that i may not be able to fix it makes me want to blow my brains out. As a 20 year old i really seek romantic love and telling me i have this is like saying im an idiot that will never naturally have the social skills to get a girl and start a family. The other thing that makes me want to kill myself is failing grades and bad performance at work and at school i really struggle and i feel less intelligent. I feel as i will never have a good paying career and that my parents will have to always keep me in their home as a burden. All these things add up to a dipping self esteem.

A crucial point is that people with Non Verbal Learning Disorder, 'may' also have a difficulty with social skills.
Where it would be more helpful to understand what Non Verbal and Verbal Learning actually is?

We have 3 different ways of thinking, Auditory, Visual and Spatial.
Verbal Learning is auditory, and the use of words.
While Non-Verbal Learning uses Visual and Spatial thinking.
So that NLD is a disorder with Visual-Spatial thinking.
Though it is more often a problem with Spatial thinking.
So that while you have been given a diagnosis of NLD. You really need to look into it a bit deeper, to understand how it effects you?
Where Spatial thinking is used to order things in our mind, which is often a problem with NLD.
It is also what we use to do mental math.
So that for some people with NLD, numbers make no sense to them?
Then for other people, it effects their ability to navigate. So that they are constantly getting lost?
Spatial thinking is also to coordinate and use our body and arms, hands and legs. So that with NLD, people can have difficulty this?
But their is no 'one size fits all' for NLD.
As it effects people in different ways.

So that you might use this diagnosis as a starting point? To learn about how NLD actually effects you?
Though one bonus with NLD, is that to balance this. They often develop exceptional Verbal Learning.

If you continue to have these thoughts of suicide, please know that there are persons you can talk with at the National Suicide Prevention hotline at 800-784-2433 who are qualified to help you deal with these feelings.