Alan: Well, I'd love to help you out, Mom, but, uh, I have a date tonight.Evelyn: So, now it's inflatable sex doll night at Dodger Stadium?Alan: No, no, I really have a date. And the doll was a gag gift from one of my patients.Evelyn: Charlie, what about you?Charlie: I tried it once, but I prefer a real woman.

Alan: Charlie, I'm not gonna lie to some poor woman, just so you can dump her.Charlie: I'm not dumping her. We've just grown apart.Alan: Since you've picked her up at a bar last night?Charlie: People change...