Right, I'll let you get on with aah-ing over poor, fired Jason. Thanks so much for coming and do come and find me on twitter at @jnraeside if you want to add any thoughts, post look-alikes or generally complain about me calling Lord Sugar by his first name because it's intrinsically funny. See you next week!

LUISA: I'm impatient. I'm an impatient person. I've been surrounded by impatient people all my life. Every person I've been around seems to be constantly aggravated and impatient and I can't for the life of me understand why...

Terrifyingly, Karren puts in a special request to follow Luisa's every move next week to find out if she is just too much of a nightmare.

Francesca and Luisa return to the house and Alex dubs them the magnificent seven. I think Alex is a bit high on victory and all the time he must have been spending with lawyers in Holborn. You know how lawyers can be.

Next week the plonkers are designing a ready meal. They will poison us all. Now for a few of your excellent comments while you settle in for Dara and his excellent probing.

Alan's done because someone in VT has said in his ear that they have enough bickering for the edit. Now the dainty dance of doom begins with Alan not even bothering to find new ways of dressing up the eventual firing.

He's going big on Luisa's brow-beating of Jason but it's not a terminal blow. His doomful digit of death lights on Jason. One of the favourites (and that's not saying much) is out. Goodbye, politeness. Fairwell, manners and breeding.

I think Francesca has a point about Jason being scared of Neil. He knows that a face-off with his nails northern rival would be like The Master and Doctor Who but with Larry Grayson playing the Doctor.

"Are you a ditherer, Jason?" goads Lord Sugar. Luisa is taking every opportunity to demonstrate every nightmare-ish quality she has. If this was her dating profile it would be the equivalent of her posting a photo of herself punching a doorman.

Alan is being incredibly rude to both women because he wants to hear what Jason has to say. Either he's handing him the rope from which to swing or he's being totally Zee about the whole thing. Shadaaaaap.

Alan is trying to work out if Jason's just a big pinata being beaten on all sides by the popular kids. He is so much nicer than anyone around that table and this did pay dividends for Tom last series. Jason plays his cards right here and he could have his face all over a nail file packet this time next year.

Francesca dares Jason to bring her back into the boardroom. Karren dubs Jason a ditherer. Luisa remains quiet for the first time in EVER. And so begins the bitter struggle of three drowning psuedo-executives.

The Friendship & Flowers advert could be re-voiced and used by one of those "design your own funeral" companies. They've spent the money, might as well make something out of it. You know the ones - a silver-haired celeb tells you how to save for your death and then June Whitfield stands next to a giant 20p.

So this task cannot be measured by profit alone. Alan has picked Herbert and his friends as the winners. They're off to Mayfair to taste caviar. I do not wish to watch Leah sucking fish eggs off the back of her hand. They all lie and say they would buy caviar now they've tasted it. Salty egg slime always tastes better when obliterated by a glug of vodka, I find.

And now to the sad cafe. Luisa wriggles exquisitely on the hook now her bid for power has backfired. I do hope she can maintain a GSOH now it's all turn to shite.

Luisa explains why Jason is no longer sitting in the PM's chair. Nick jumps to Jason's defence and accuses Luisa of nipping at his heels which is pretty accurate. She was appalling. Like a human version of water-boarding. The fact that Alan dubbed it "an abdication" demonstrates a delusion of grandeur not seen since Geri Halliwell became a UN ambassador.

Now for the candidates' date with Alan. It's more sort of speed-dating in the boardroom isn't it? They each get the chance to tell him what their passionate about while he flicks verbal peanuts at them and bangs a gong when they're out of time.

I would pay good money to see Alex's dating profile. I wonder if he's since added the pictures of him in army uniform and the one of him looking a murderer in eyeliner?

Myles pops his collar, shoots his cuffs like Bond getting on that half-blown-up train in Skyfall and launches into the weak as lemon squash pitch.

"Hi, I'm Herbert," intones Alex, one of life's perverts. I particularly like the way he reappears at the end of the adverts, looming into shot like an emo repeating his final year at school for the twelfth time.

Luisa is unspeakably awful as project manager. While arguing with Neil about who pitches the site, she basically, without even looking at him, gripped Jason's shrivelled manhood in her fist and ground it to powder. Nice.

Meanwhile, Leah, the woman with a voice like cutlery being emptied into a sink, has opted to do the voiceover for their advert. It has all the emotion and expression of a dishwasher.

Jordan, Myles and an iPad are pacing the streets showing people the homepage for Cufflinks. To their surprise it comes across as the home page for a particularly dry temping agency or recruitment firm. I wonder how all the candidates met their partners? Probably at work because they are married to business.

And now the moment you've all been waiting for. The adverts. Alex has, if it's possible, accentuated his eyebrows and added a bit of guy-liner and manscara in order to play "Herbert", the definition of a bad date.

Nick watches in mute horror as he pictures himself on a date with his lovely girlfriend when Alan approaches, playing the gypsy violin and waggling his eyebrows. Hewer beckons him over and drops a clatter of coins into his waiting hat. As Alan walks away grinning, Nick chuckles to himself. The coins were foreign!

Who just said, "I've never heard anything like this in me life."? Was it Neil? He suddenly really sounds like Peter Kay.

Neil has deposed Jason as project manager and replaced him with Luisa in a bloodless coup. This hasn't ever happened in the history of The Apprentice. I'm breathless with shock. Can Jason possibly come back from this because a lot of folk believed him to be the potential winner.

Leah wonders if Cufflinks isn't a bit masculine. Hmmmm. I can imagine her wearing cufflinks. But only if they had rotating blades of death stuck to them.

Luisa is having none of Jason's meandering. She's not going to drop this. She's even blaming him for her headache. Nag nag nag. How has he not turned on his heal and told her to "jolly well be quiet if you wouldn't mind"?

Alex does not like the idea of a powerful woman. Not at all. Jordan is imagining Luisa on a throne, ordering him to dance for her. Snap out of it, Jordan.

Alex pushes for Cufflinks. Do you get it? Do you? It's a dating site purely for Apprentice candidates. Pinstripe hook-ups!

Meanwhile, the other team has gone for the nauseatingly bad Friendship and Flowers. Jason catches the market research group's curve ball and hurls it into space, desperately looking around for someone else to catch it. Next, they're off to the web design agency.

Jason suggests the name "Love Ignition" for the dating website. Would work well for Top Gear fans and people who never ever want to have sex ever again for as long as they live. The Top Gear music could actually start up the minute you click on the web link.

Had anyone else forgotten that Francesca was still on the show? She's so sub-radar she's practically doing the limbo under it. This probably means she's going to win.

Myles grabs a man off the street and makes him pose as Leah's boyfriend. Within moments he looks terrified as she tries to grip his hand. Just imagine you're taking his blood pressure, Leah. He does actually look a bit unwell.

Jason says his nickname used to be Mr Cupid. I bet he's got that embroidered on his pants. With uncharacteristic chutzpah, he puts himself forward for PM.

Jordan takes the helm of the Love Boat for the other team and let's face it, if anyone knows about matters of the heart at the moment, it's him. But little does he know that's all about to change as soon as the series is over.

The online dating industry has exploded. The 24 hour news channels will be going out of their minds with that headline. Do we have any footage? How many casualties?

Jordan is joining Endeavour leaving Evolve a stream-lined foursome. Both teams have two days to originate a concept and make up an advert. Myles suggests that he found his wife on some kind of Buy-a-Wife website although he's not specific about which one. Alex is trying to be metrosexual and include all sexual orientations but Leah is not so sure. "Within reason," she snaps in her usual kindly, empathetic manner.

So the eight we have left are Neil, Jason, Alex, Jordan, Myles, Leah, Luisa and Francesca. Leah answers the early morning call and they're due to meet Alan at the Marylebone Town Hall. This series is ruining London for me: first my favourite cocktail bar and now the place I got married!

"You silly shit." It just sounds good in a Welsh accent. While they recap, I'd just like to remind you that Alan's Zinger is still MIA (missing in action). If his script-writers don't manage a "plenty more fish in the sea" type of thing tonight, I'm going to seriously consider a silent blog next week in protest.

And with the wink, Watchdog is gone. Prepare for a "date with Lord Sugar" says the continuity announcer. Oh god, do we have to? Can you imagine what a date with Alan would consist of? He'd take you to the finest orienteering course in the country for some team-building fun, I expect. And then eels.

Ooh, and if you'd like to try your hand at an Apprentice make-over, the excellent women at Facegoop have road-tested this year's look for you. Bulk-buy gravy granules tomorrow and go for it! It'll be a whole new you. If you have any leftover creosote in the shed, you could get started now.

And so our thoughts turn to love: the many-splendoured thing upon which the remaining candidates are about to take a giant corporate dump. Tonight the eight remaining wazzocks must launch their own dating websites, not to mention make and star in TV advertisements for same.

The advertising task is always the best one for cringe value and almost always includes a candidate who fancies themself as an actor, confidently stepping up to the job and being absolutely awful. Judging by the pre-publicity, this week it’s Alex, the man who literally isn’t able to experience shame. His eyebrows must just filter out all the stares of pity. And, without spoilering the coming drama at all, there’s an Apprentice first tonight. A contestant acts with common sense and good judgement. It will almost certainly get them fired.

So join me here at 9pm to fall in love with greed and bad acting and total thickery as the contestants woo Alan with their shite chat-up lines. Can’t wait!