How To Deal With The Fear Of Getting Help For Your Unwanted Sexual Behaviors

“Stepping out of your comfort zone by doing something different is indeed something that is uncomfortable and frightening. But it is just the right ingredient that is needed to help you grow and expand the potential of your recovery from your unwanted sexual behaviours. To experience that change that you desire, you have to face what you’re afraid of. You have to take that first step.”

There comes a point in your life where you realize that you need help and you can’t stop your unwanted sexual behaviours alone.

This usually involves you coming out of your comfort zone, whether that be by joining one of our programs, or speaking to a coach or counselor, or going to a support group meeting. It is something that involves you admitting you have a problem and you need help.

Stepping out of your comfort zone by doing something different is indeed something that is uncomfortable and frightening. But it is just the right ingredient that is needed to help you grow and expand the potential of your recovery from your unwanted sexual behaviours. To experience that change that you desire, you have to face what you’re afraid of. You have to take that first step.

Here are some comments that members of the Breaking Free Program shared about when they realized it was time for them to get help:

“The moment I knew I needed help was when I was in a cycle of acting out sexually so badly that I was making tawba (repentance) every night, and the next day committing the same sin. “I wasn’t able to stop, even though it was hurting me so much. I was so lost and confused, and didn’t know why I couldn’t stop. I was desperate for help, from anyone. It was desperation, for me, which helped me to get help.”

Sister Suad

“I tried different sorts of thing like abstaining from internet, watched videos related to pornographic addiction from various Mufti’s but I have always relapsed.”

Brother Patrick

“I avoided that realization that I needed help when I started to think I had some sort of control of the situation. I thought because I had a few weeks of not acting out, that I had some sort of control, but really it was all the “dry drunk” syndrome.”

Sister Nasreen

However, as Einstein once said,

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.”

Albert Einstein

Doing more of the same, such as fasting, lowering your gaze, making tawbah, may treat the symptoms, they do not get to the root of the problem that had created your unwanted sexual behaviours in the first place.

The path of recovery is about not just taking that first step, but continuously taking steps out of your comfort zone. It’s a lifestyle change, as one brother shared about the path of his recovery:

“We never “arrive” at a destination of sobriety, but it is about lifestyle change. To me, this spiritual change mirrors the physical one. If one wants to lose weight, one never reaches a point where they can relax and just eat whatever they want. It is a lifestyle change. One changes what they eat, drink, and even thinks about what they will do at a party with unhealthy food beforehand.”

Brother Muhammad

You need to always be growing and proactively taking steps to change. Otherwise, you won’t be progressing in your recovery.

What are your thoughts on the common stumbling blocks for those just beginning their journeys to freedom from unwanted sexual behaviors? Have any words of advice to share? Share them with us in a comment below.

Zeyad Ramadan

Zeyad Ramadan is the founder of Purify Your Gaze. Through his leadership, Purify Your Gaze has served as the personal recovery guide for thousands of Muslims coming from over 35 different countries around the world in the various stages of their healing journey and has provided support to its members through its addiction recovery tools, its workshops, and personal 1-1 coaching. Zeyad has successfully lead workshops and delivered talks dealing with sexual intimacy, addiction recovery, embracing true gender roles, and spirituality. He currently lives with his wife and four kids in Orange County, California. Connect with Zeyad on Facebook and Twitter.

Purify Your Gaze is the safe-place where Muslims struggling with pornography and sex addiction can find acceptance, guidance, and healing as they aspire towards a life of sexual purity and intimate connections, grounded in the deep surrender to God.
We aim to share ideas and thought-provoking content on a wide range of topics: including the effects of pornography and sexual addiction, healing from trauma, recovery principles for those seeking change, personal accounts of Muslims in recovery, and a new paradigm for healthy sexuality, relationships and intimacy as inspired by our Islamic traditions.