What's new–and news–at Magic Dog Press

The Meanest Thing

I’ve blogged about my son in sports. I’ve waxed lyrical about the good sportsmanship the boys learn. I’ve mulled over when to cheer and when not to. Well, tonight, I cheered as a rebuke. I saw something that made me mad enough to spit nails.

We had another wrestling meet. Several schools were there, as they always are. Patrick had finished his match (he only had the one tonight) and we were more or less killing time until the meet was over and we could help clean up the gym (our school hosted it this time; when that happens we have to help roll up the mats, clean up the bleachers, and so forth).

So anyhow Patrick’s off somewhere and I’m sitting there with the high school coach’s wife–whose son is also wrestling, and we’re talking back and forth and not really paying much attention until the coach’s wife says, “Hey, that’s not very nice.”

“What?” I asked, and looked toward the mat.

The coach on the mat (from a school other than ours) was nearly apoplectic. “He’s playing with you,” he was shouting, interspersing it with various other directives.

It was true. The wrestlers were clearly mismatched in ability. And the more skilled boy was toying with his opponent. He’d take him down, then let him up, then take him down, let him up, take him down…it went on forever. His opponent was stumbling, clearly exhausted, and just as clearly confused.

“Don’t play his game,” shouted his coach.

And suddenly I heard the coach’s wife behind me shouting, “Go, Pendleton! You can do it! Go, Pendleton!” The Pendleton boy stumbled to his feet. We clapped, along with the other people in our section of the stands who had seen what was happening. “Yeah! Go Pendleton!” we all shouted.

“What’s his name?” I asked his coach.

He told me. And we shouted his name as he endured the humiliation his opponent was heaping upon him.

“Just stay down,” the coach shouted at last. “Just stay down.”

The Pendleton boy did. The match was over. The other boy won. The Pendleton boy left the mat, shook his opponent’s coach’s hand, then went to his own coach. “You did good,” his coach said, or words to that effect. “He was playing games. When they do that, you don’t have to stay there and let them humiliate you. Just stay down and let it be over.”

It was infuriating to watch, even though it did make a certain kind of sense. Wrestlers gain points for take-downs. By letting the Pendleton boy get up and taking him down time after time, the boy had racked himself up an impressive score. But it seems to me that there comes a point where strategy becomes bullying. That was bullying. Playing cat and mouse with a less experienced, clearly less able opponent is not good sportsmanship.

I’ve talked a lot about all the good that can come of participation in sports. Patrick has benefitted enormously. But any sports program is only as good as the sportsmanship it teaches. I don’t know where that boy learned to do that. I suspect it was something his coach had suggested; in a subsequent match I saw him begin to pull the same trick. He had his opponent down. The pin was assured. And he held his opponent’s shoulders off the mat, preventing the pin, and looked over at his coach. And then he let the boy up, took him down again, and pinned him.

That boy won his matches, and he racked up his points, but I find myself wishing he had fought respectfully, granting his opponents the dignity of a quick loss, rather than inflicting humiliation for the duration of the time allowed for the match. I find myself wondering what that coach is teaching–if he is teaching sportsmanship as well as gamesmanship, if he is teaching his boys how to both win and lose graciously. I wonder if he is encouraging his wrestlers to cultivate friendships among the boys with whom they compete, or if he encourages them to see the boys with whom they wrestle not as opponents, but as enemies. I wonder if he is the coach who wears a shirt that says, “If you want a victory, prepare for a war.” Personally, I would prefer that we not turn middle school sports into battle grounds.

We in the stands did what we could. By cheering the Pendleton boy–who was not from our school, and whom none of us knew–we sent a clear message. “We see. We know. And it’s not good form,” we said.

I am so grateful that my son is coached by men to whom the joy of sports and good sportsmanship still mean something. If you have a kid in sports, and you’re fortunate enough to have a coach who thinks in terms of building character as well as winning trophies, take a few minutes and send them a note. It matters.

Like this:

Related

4 Responses

I love stories like this that encouage rightness from wrongness. I want my grandchildren and great grandchildren to know right from wrong behavior, and to know that the world is watching — and applauding honorable behavior.

Thanks Pat–I suppose I’m extra sensitive to this because our world seems to be filling up with people who believe the end justifies any means. Something fine and good in humanity seems to be eroding away. Maybe this story will help a tiny bit. People do watch. Dishonorable acts are seen. We still retain enough of a species conscience to want the approval of those around us. And just because something’s legal doesn’t mean it’s moral, or responsible, or kind, or good sportsmanship.

I truly have a bad attitude when it comes to sports. Both of my children played some sports when they were younger and now my grandsons are playing basketball with Upward Sports. The boys play 6 minute quarters, few fouls are called, they play half court ball, and unlike when my own children played T-ball, teams can rack up 50 points or more over the opposing the team. Granted my sons have come up on the losing end more times than not, but still isn’t there a time when you just say these are 3rd or 5th graders they aren’t going to make up 50 points in the next 18 minutes? According to my daughter-in-law it’s all about learning sportsmanship. I’m not sure how losing by 50 points is being a good sport. Conversely, of course, to play a sport means there will be a winner and loser, but I’m not sure why you really have to be a good sport when you lose. Being angry, disgusted with yourself will help you, hopefully, do a better job the next time. Toying with someone so you can get more points isn’t sportsmanship it’s bullying. I’m not sure the boys on my grandsons’ teams are toyed with because none of the players are yet old enough, I hope, to understand that concept. It still makes me wonder though.

How old are your grandchildren? I agree–losing by 50 points isn’t how to teach sportsmanship. This interests me because when my son was in T-ball we didn’t keep score. When a kid crossed the plate we made a big deal of it, and we did it for BOTH teams–kids know when they’ve gotten it right, I think.

Competition can be a good thing, and as you say, there’s much to be said for learning how to win AND lose graciously, but I wonder if children at T-ball age are developmentally prepared for that in a public forum. Yes, teaching children to not throw a tantrum when they lose a game can be done very early, but I like the idea of teaching children the joy of the game before we hit them with the big stuff.

About Magic Dog Press

Magic Dog Press exists to bridge the gulf between manuscript and bookshelf. We specialize in working with writers who wish to self-publish, but aren't quite sure where to start. If you have a book inside you struggling to get out--or if it already has gotten out, and is standing on your porch wondering which way to go, contact us.

Good On Paper

by Bodie Parkhurst EAN 9781449586478 Publication date: May 2010

Someone’s in the Kitchen Family Cookbook

THE SOMEONE'S IN THE KITCHEN FAMILY COOKBOOK Compiled by Sherry Wachter ISBN is 1456476149 EAN-13 is 9781456476144. Available for Christmas from Amazon

We’re Honored; Thanks, SCN!

Award

New Release

Available in paperback and on Kindle from Amazon

New Release

The perfect gift for the single mom or mom-to-be in your life. Available in paperback, oversize illustrated gift edition, and on Kindle. Custom mom and baby items coming soon

Share This Blog

Email Subscription

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.