As much as I don’t want to, I have liked the same guy for close to a year now

I want to be a bitch, but mostly I think I’m hurt. The other day we were in the car and I told him that I don’t want to like him. He said he could tell. I don’t. If I had it my way I would much rather just be friends with him. I was very open with him the other day. Different for me. I am usually very guarded and I don’t tell him much. That day just about everything I thought came out of my mouth. I wish it hadn’t. Haven’t talked to him much since then. I realize it was Christmas this weekend and everyone has family time and everything, but I called him tonight and he asked if he could call me back in a minute. What could I say? No? He never called me back. It’s been at least an hour and a half. I just want things to be normal and not weird. I’m afraid he’s going to treat me differently now. This is why I’m not open. I wish I had kept my mouth shut, I feel like things are going to be weird between us now or he’s going to avoid me. I feel like we’re pretty decent friends and that’s what I want to be. He’s too complicated for anything more. Don’t avoid me. Don’t be weird around me. Just be normal. I am not going to allow him to push me away. Well, I don’t want to, but I guess that’s not really up to me. A few months ago I told him I was going to be around for long enough to get to know him better than he allows most people to know him and to gain his trust in that I was really going to stick around. I meant that.