SugarBeet: Tom Gives Us the “Dislike Button”!

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In recent weeks, a shocking trend has started. Myspace is well on its way to reclaiming its throne as king of social-networking sites! It’s already passed Google+ by a wide margin (although who’s surprised by that?), and is approaching Facebook fast.

This recent surge in users is more about Facebook’s snootiness and complacency than anything else. Users have become fed up with privacy violations, a constant stream of game requests, and rumors of pop-up video ads. When asked to comment about the state of unrest, Facebook executives said they couldn’t hear because of “all the money crammed in their ears”.

Myspace, on the other hand, has spent the better part of a decade biding its time and planning for this moment. Supposedly, Tom, creator of Myspace, has spent most of his time in an underground bunker, scouring the internet for ideas. What new features can he give his outdated site to pull ahead in this wireless war?

The answer to that question is the legendary dislike button.

“For far too long, the tyrannical Facebook has denied us this basic right,” Tom said in an interview. “We have the choice to either like a post or ignore it. Sure, you can comment the word ‘dislike’, but that just doesn’t cut it.”

There’s even a support group online for these poor, under-represented ‘dislikers’. They feel that Facebook is discriminating against them. With derogatory slurs such as ‘trolls’, ‘haters’, and ‘flamers’, this group of mostly-single age 11-28 guys are predicted to be at the center of a brand new era of civil rights battles.

“We just want the liberty to tell someone they’re a moron, and maybe agonize over their grammar a little bit,” said an anonymous internet citizen. “Is that too much to ask?”

The inclusion of the dislike button has already caused an explosion of new traffic to this old site. Users say that it is ‘a more comfortable environment’ than Facebook. If one of your friends is constantly posting political statuses, give him the thumbs down until he switches parties. And if someone uses the wrong you/you’re or their/there/they’re? Well, may God have mercy on their soul.