#BBNAIJA 2018 : HOW TO HANDLE TOXIC PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE

After nearly three months of monitoring like spirits observing the lives and interactions of 20 individuals in an enclosed space, Big Brother Naija 2018 is done and dusted! When this year's BB was tagged, 'Double Wahala', they weren't kidding! 25-year-old housemate, Cee-C was, by far, THE MOST controversial contestant, this year, stirring up a lot of conversation and debate on and off line for her brash, offensive and abusive interaction with other housemates. Sweet sometimes, Emotional also, Cee-C was a one-woman-mopol who wore her heart on her sleeves. Last night, She was crowned the first-runner up of the Big Brother Naija race, losing the grand prize of N25 million (as well as endorsements and other prizes) to co-housemate, Miracle - which sparked massive commentary on social media!

Just in case you didn't actually get to watch the show, here's a good summary of events:

I hate that people are downplaying CeeC’s abusive actions. Note that she was in a controlled environment where she knew her actions could be penalised and she had multiple warnings yet she was so derisive. How much more in reality? How are you undermining all that abuse?

Thank God CeeC didn’t win this show. If she had, some of you will think toxicity, negativity, bitterness, and constant hauling of insults at people are the things that conglomerate the necessities of life. #BBNaija

Many of us are in toxic relationships (Siblings, Colleagues, Inlaws...) and either don't know it or don't know how to go about getting out of it. So here's some advice on how to handle these types of relationships:

KEEP CALM - LIKE TOBI

Hard as it might be, it's important not to lose your cool with hateful people. Difficult and toxic people are often desperate to get a reaction out of you by being... well, themselves. If you show them that their actions, words and opinions don't affect you (unless of course it's a totally unsafe or life-threatening situation), you're more likely to disarm them.

Be smart. Be like (co-housemate) Tobi.

PICK YOUR BATTLES

(This is life advice in general) Not every fight is worth it - and neither is everyone. While sometimes, confronting a negative person head on is the solution to the problem, ignoring the situation altogether is often better. Take into account that most times, toxic people just want to get your attention. Don't give it to them.

UNDERSTAND THAT IT HAS NOTHING TO WITH YOU

Maybe you have a boss who constantly talks down at you or often acts unpleasantly towards you. Most times, when a person attacks another for no good/real reason, it shows more about their character than anyone else's. A lot of people are pros at projecting their own anger, insecurities and low self-esteem on others! It's time to realise that you cannot control other people's behaviour; you can only control your own attitude.

REMEMBER, THEY'RE PROBABLY HURTING

It can be difficult to put this into perspective when you're being hurt yourself, but the truth is, most times, there is a root to the negativity and hatefulness people display. Opening your eyes to the deeper issue could help you be more sympathetic to them.

DETACH YOURSELF

Now. Someone once gave me a great piece of advice: "All battles don't have to be fought from within; some battles are meant to be fought from the outside." Best advice. You may not need to give up on your relationship with a toxic person totally, but you need to protect yourself before they leave permanent emotional scars (if that hasn't happened already). It's okay to prioritise yourself and lovingly give them space to deal with their issues.

4 comments

The best advice is to stay far far away from them and also to ignore them.see the thing with people like cee c is once you ignore them, it hurts them much more that's why she kept on hurling insults at tobi even though he didn't say anything to her. People need to understand that bb naija is a national show and they should act appropriate while in there. Now cee c has garnered the hatred of several people. I learnt a lot of lessons from this year bbnaija and even shared them.www.giftcollins.com

I have learnt to guard my peace like no tomorrow. I remember growing up, my mom used to tell me this and for some reason I didn't believe her. I let someone mess with my happiness and believe me it is easier to guard your happiness jealously than to regain it.

Thank you for this article sisi yemi. Its very important to have these conversations. The toxic people in my life are in my dad's side of the family (including my dad himself) so i distance myself emotionally and geographically. I limit my visits to once a year or once in two years. Phone calls and messages are also very rare. Best decision I ever made in my life. I am much happier, things are so peaceful and my life is so amazing. I thank God everyday for taking me out of that situation.

Thank you for this article sisi yemi. I think its important for us to have these type of conversations. The toxic people in my life are in my dad's side of the family (including my dad himself). I have distanced myself emotionally and geographically just so I can have peace and i can tell you this is the best decision I ever made. Visits are once in 2 years, phone calls and messages are also very rare. I am so happy now and i thank God everyday for taking me out of that situation.