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In which i met a complete asshole

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Warning: this is going to be a COMPLETELY rambling post.

Yesterday morning I picked my animals up at the vets as Kevin and I had been out of town for a week. My dog Tucker, who is slowly dying, seemed quite happy to see us but he actually looked like he was a little weak. Ever since we found out he was dying we basically feed him at will and yet, he’s continued to lose weight.

Much as I love the dog, I was MORE than a little dismayed to wake up this morning and discover that he had peed and shit ALL OVER my dining room rug. Now I don’t have all that many rugs in this house as I like my pine floors but I have a few and out of ALL the rugs in the house, I only have two nice rugs. One is in the living room and one is in the dining room.

Of course, the one is the dining room is BY FAR the nicest rug that I have in the house. This is where the dog ALWAYS chooses to let loose on. Does he do it because he thinks “there’s no way mom is going to eat breakfast in here?” or does he shit there because he thinks “this rug is dark red and it won’t show stains?” or is he actually aware that there is NOTHING more EXPENSIVE in my house that that rug. I honestly have no idea but I spent the morning cleaning it up.

By the time I got to the gym in an attempt to undo the damage that my vacation had wreaked on my body, I was already quite late. Now normally Kevin and I go work out together and then get coffee but Kevin was recovering from the flu and was only going to do a short workout and then go meet Daniel to watch NCAA basketball. Therefore, I was on my own.

I was on the recumbent bike, which is front of a huge row of TV’s when towards the end of my workout I seriously met the biggest asshole that I think I have ever talked to. When I was young I used to say to my dad “that guy is a total jerk” to which he would reply that “no one is a total jerk Lynn” and in this case I think my dad would say that “no one is a complete asshole” but DAD, you’re wrong.

So, I was sitting on my bike when this guy gets on the bike next to me and tries to figure out how the headphones work.

Me: what are you trying to do?

Him: I want to watch the NC State/Georgetown game

Me: just plug the headphones in and turn it to channel 1

Him: I did and it’s not working

Me: well, I’ll be off soon so you can have this bike when I’m done

Him: ok

Me: so are you routing for State?

Him: yeah, I went there

Me: what do you do now?

Him: I started my own company here in Greensboro. I HATE Greensboro

Me: well, why are you here then. Why not Research Triangle?

Him: I used to work there

Me: what do you do?

Him: I invented this chemical polymer that works with outdoor equipment

Me: so were you a chemical engineer at state?

Him: yeah, but education is a rip off

Me: how so?

Him: I never learned a single thing at state or at Carolina (UNC)

Me: why’s that?

Him: because I already knew everything they taught at state and the business school people at Carolina were a bunch of jerks telling me how they did it

Me: Sounds like you must be pretty smart

Him: yeah, I got into MIT and Harvard and Duke

Me: perhaps you wouldn’t have KNOWN everything had you gone to those places

Him: well, a company paid for me to go to state

Me: I see, well my kids at Duke seem to be learning some stuff

Him: well, I didn’t

Me: my husband and son are watching the game up at Kangaroo Jacks

Him: I used to date a girl who works up there

Me: oh yeah?

Him: yeah, she was stupid

Me: okaaayyyyy

Him: woman are you know

Me: are what?

Him: woman are stupid and not worth the trouble

Me: you are aware that I happen to be a woman right?

Him: yeah

Me: I’m definitely worth the trouble

Him: if you say so

Me: I do

Him: I hate stupid people and they’re everywhere

Me: well I can’t argue with that but the woman thing seems a little stereotypical

Him: no, I’m right. Who needs them?

Me: technically, we all do if for no other reason than to perpetuate the human race

And with that I got off the bike, wiped it down and left. He also went on a rant about how stupid all these other people were. By the way, he’s 34 and thinks he knows EVERYTHING.

25 Comments

Maury

April 4, 2012

I wonder if the guy is also a blogger. If he is, he might have posted something about that woman in the gym who seems “stupid enough to engage me in conversation” when in fact, what I am doing is merely provoking her to get off the bike.Maury recently posted..learn guitar

I totally wondered if he wasn’t doing what Maury suggested. Like, “Hey, if I’m a total moron that lady will get off that bike so I can watch the game.” That would’ve been my ploy at least. Well, if I wasn’t a stupid, useless woman that is.

I dont think I would have wiped down the bike for him. What a jackass!

On a different topic, there must be something encoded in dogs to poop/pee/puke on the 2% of the house that has a rug and never on the wood. Sorry he isnt feeling good. Did that this summer and it sucked!

I think you’ll find that your first mistake was in actually speaking to strangers. I do my best to not even make eye contact with anyone I don’t know (and many people I do, now that I think about it). I have absolutely no interest in them. Of course, that’s a little easier than it sounds since I rarely leave the house. And, as my husband calls them, my “invisible friends” online rarely look at me. I’m assuming it’s because they don’t want to embarrass me by having to notice my stained and wrinkled pjs. But that just goes to show their good manners, don’t you think?

Lynn- so sorry about your dog. Normally I don’t mix business with pleasure (pleasure being reading your blog!) but I work for a natural pet food company. I have no idea what food you’re feeding him, but I would love to give you a coupon for a free bag of our food to see if it helps. A lot of times, changing a pet’s food is all it takes to make their tummy feel better. (And many vets don’t even question what food you give them.) Let me know if you’re interested!

I think “asshole” was being nice. :) Someone needs to revoke this guy’s “breeding” license, stamp his forever with “BITCH”, tar & feather him and sit him somewhere public like Time Square. ;) What a dick!