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Vol. 40 No. 25 DePaul University students have been selected to test new Knowall "intelligence pills," it was revealed early this week by informed, authoritative sources. Even the administration has confirmed this announcement. Years of research have gone into the making of this new product, it was reported. Its secret ingredients, obtained from no fewer than twelve foreign countries Istanbul and Paraguay included—have been carefully guarded. "Even the Pure THE Foods and Drug Administration is on our back for details," admitted Jonathon Beane, a top official at Knowall. Never before (perhaps never again!) has such a product as Knowall tablets been available for public consumption. These new intelligence pills are expected to revolutionize scholastic life. In theory, this is how they are likely to work: One pill, taken five seconds prior to an exam, will electrify the internal superstructures of The Picture Paper GAG STUFF the medullary portion of the brain to produce an initial splitting headache followed directly by a magnetic influx of intellectual combustion. In the layman's vernacular, this means a person taking the pill will be transformed into a budding "knowall" genius. However, this incredible state of perfection lasts only for 18 seconds, it is believed. Due to its short duration, Knowall users are encouraged to write faster than usual. Only one pill may be consumed per hour. (Pills for ®E PAULIA relieving writer's cramp, another product of the Knowall Company, will also be on sale.) In fairness to math students, the new wonder drug has been found ineffective for calculus problem solving. But those taking statistical analysis should have no difficulties. The 18-second time limit of Knowall's effectiveness is based on experimental knowledge. So far, Beane has explained, only he and several monkeys have been subjected to the new drug. May 11, 1962 (Story Page 3) No humans have tried the product.Word has it that advance rush orders are already being placed at the bookstore. It should be noted that DePaul I.D.'s must be shown by students when placing orders. The first shipment of tablets, which come \1xk per bottle, is due May 32. Knowall pills are reasonably priced at $978.16, plus tax, per bottle. But refills, when ordered directly from the company and not through the bookstore, are only $12.95.

Vol. 40 No. 25 DePaul University students have been selected to test new Knowall "intelligence pills," it was revealed early this week by informed, authoritative sources. Even the administration has confirmed this announcement. Years of research have gone into the making of this new product, it was reported. Its secret ingredients, obtained from no fewer than twelve foreign countries Istanbul and Paraguay included—have been carefully guarded. "Even the Pure THE Foods and Drug Administration is on our back for details," admitted Jonathon Beane, a top official at Knowall. Never before (perhaps never again!) has such a product as Knowall tablets been available for public consumption. These new intelligence pills are expected to revolutionize scholastic life. In theory, this is how they are likely to work: One pill, taken five seconds prior to an exam, will electrify the internal superstructures of The Picture Paper GAG STUFF the medullary portion of the brain to produce an initial splitting headache followed directly by a magnetic influx of intellectual combustion. In the layman's vernacular, this means a person taking the pill will be transformed into a budding "knowall" genius. However, this incredible state of perfection lasts only for 18 seconds, it is believed. Due to its short duration, Knowall users are encouraged to write faster than usual. Only one pill may be consumed per hour. (Pills for ®E PAULIA relieving writer's cramp, another product of the Knowall Company, will also be on sale.) In fairness to math students, the new wonder drug has been found ineffective for calculus problem solving. But those taking statistical analysis should have no difficulties. The 18-second time limit of Knowall's effectiveness is based on experimental knowledge. So far, Beane has explained, only he and several monkeys have been subjected to the new drug. May 11, 1962 (Story Page 3) No humans have tried the product.Word has it that advance rush orders are already being placed at the bookstore. It should be noted that DePaul I.D.'s must be shown by students when placing orders. The first shipment of tablets, which come \1xk per bottle, is due May 32. Knowall pills are reasonably priced at $978.16, plus tax, per bottle. But refills, when ordered directly from the company and not through the bookstore, are only $12.95.