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Friday, May 10, 2013

Met Gala 2013: The WTF

Hear me out on this one: not all of it is WTF in a bad way. Some of it is unbelievably awesome in a WTF way. Really. Let's wrap this up, shall we?

THE WTF!Ashley Olsen!

YES. But also: WTF!? You know how we all really love The Golden Girls and watch it any time we can? (I mean, I assume we all do... you're here, aren't you? Reading this? Then you must love TGG.) Anyway, we all love TGG but Ms. Ashley loves them so much she dresses as them. It's actually quite a fabulous look for her, in a decidedly bizarre way. Stay gold, Ashley Olsen.

Katy Perry!

This is fairly demure for her, dress-wise. It's damn near understated. Until, that is, you get to the giant gold CROWN on her head. And guess what? I freaking love her for this.

Donatella Versace!

As if she's not scary enough already, she had to add spikes to her shoulder and wrist. Bless.

January Jones!

The dress is a little boring, the shoes are fabulous in a terrifying way, but the Black Swan makeup really just pushes this over the edge from Meh straight to WTF.

Katie Holmes!

Every Black Swan needs a White Swan, I suppose. Or maybe she's channeling a sexy ghost? Or going to a toga party after the Met Ball? This is all sorts of mature and unflattering for her. Katie, you've broken free - please stop dressing like you're in a cult.

Elle Fanning!

Something bizarre and tragic is happening here. While I understand that one must find distractions whilst one is tracking hurricanes, one shouldn't leave the house after letting a five year old play "beautician" on one's face.

Florence Welch!

Oh, Flo! You're so kooky. But floor length fringe and velvet is really more of a Winter look.

Coco Rocha!

GAH.

Sofia Coppola and Marc Jacobs!

Peter Pan collar aside, I think the polka dot suit is kind of fabulous is an insane way. The duct tape pajamas, on the other hand, are a CRIME. A CRIME, SOPHIA.

Rose Huntington-Whitely!

Sure, of course. Metallic olive satin, some netting, and feather pasties. What else would you wear to the Met Ball?

Mary Kate Olsen!

Here's the difference between Ashley and Mary Kate: Ashley has embraced her inner retiree and gone straight to fabulous. Mary Kate appears as though she has given up on life and she's taking as many dead animals with her as possible.

Anna Wintour (seen here with Bee Shaffer)!

Anna Wintour, seen here celebrating Punk. Obviously.

Kim Kardashian!

Yes, yes, we know. Grandma couch, Mrs. Doubtfire, OMFG WTF IS HAPPENING HERE. We've seen all of the reactions already and I must admit - I had those same reactions. But the really troubling thing here is...

THE DRESS EXTENDS TO HER FINGERTIPS. Now that, my dear readers, is advanced WTF-ery.

PS - Allure claims Ms. Jones was "one of the best looks of the night" and "referencing Siouxsie Sioux," which makes it abundantly clear to me that Allure has no fucking idea who Siouxsie Sioux is.http://www.allure.com/beauty-trends/2013/best-beauty-looks-from-the-met-ball-2013#slide=1