a few months ago, i did another “clean” cleanse, but this time, i did the “gut” version. once again, i’ve adopted a few new habits that i’m enjoying continuing even though i’m officially done with this round of the cleanse. the “gut” version of the cleanse is reallllly similar to paleo eating, so while i was on the cleanse and madly searching for recipes that my family might also eat, i found a recipe for “nutty granola” in a special edition magazine (which was actually my favorite resource for family-friendly paleo recipes!) and it inspired me to see if i could alter my favorite granola recipe into a paleo / clean version. this recipe is not strictly “clean gut” because it has 2 tablespoons of maple syrup, but otherwise, it’s realllly close. i’ve been baking up a batch every few weeks ever since the cleanse and eating it regularly for breakfast with some cut up fruit and a scoop of plain noosa or homemade yogurt, without any added sweetener (ahem, not clean or paleo, but packed with probiotics!) or some coconut/almond milk if i’m wanting to be more “clean.” when it’s hot out of the oven it’s really hard to keep mr. happy stuff (or myself) from eating it by the handful. it also makes a fantastic sprinkle on the top of ice cream, or eaten with cashew butter and celery or apples. the ingredient list is flexible as all good granolas are, but i’ve tried to choose nuts and seeds that are the most “flake-like” for a nice crunchy cereal texture.

spread parchment paper on a baking sheet and pre-heat oven to 300. (i usually use sil-pats when baking, but i find that parchment seems to make this granola much crunchier and lighter and clean up is easier, so if you’ve got parchment, use that.)

dump the mixed nuts into a food processor and pulse a few times until the nuts are a nice rubble. don’t pulse so much that you end up with too much dust at the bottom (though you’ll undoubtedly have some). mix the nuts and the rest of the ingredients in a mixing bowl until everything is slightly shiny with the oil/syrup. Spread the mixture out on your prepared baking sheet and bake at 300 for about 40 minutes, checking every 15 min. or so. it’s done when it’s golden and smells so good you just can’t wait to taste it any longer. let it cool completely before storing in a jar.

i’m realizing that perhaps my snacks have a tendency to skew sweet and could probably use a little more presence from vegetables, so i’ll commit to calling them at least “healthy-ish” because they’re still better for you than a nutty bar and a diet coke (the favorite lunch menu of an ex-supervisor of mine). here’s this week’s collection:

1. Guacamole with fresh root vegetable “chips” (today it’s kohlrabi + turnip). (note: the guacamole was already brown on top by day 2 even with a piece of plastic wrap pressed directly to the top of it and the sliced veggie chips gave off a distinctly vegetal funk when i opened the jar, but they were still crisp and crunchy and as long as you’re okay with, say, the flavor of radishes, they tasted great too!)

2. Mango Melba truffles: pretty much the recipe linked to, but I soaked the mango in water a little longer this time and they turned out too sticky, so I rolled them in crushed almonds. Also, I didn’t add the dates. These might be pretty rich, so you might consider stretching the five truffles into two day’s snacks.

3. Hummus with broccoli & pickled turnips (these could definitely use more broccoli, but the jar was too small to squeeze in more).

sometimes it’s healthy snacks and sometimes i get in a “let’s shove cheese and crackers in my face as fast as possible” rut and sometimes the terrible, practically plastic cookies in our staff break room at work begin singing my name and i eat them and regret it even mid-bite.

the only successful way i’ve found to counter my impulsive snacking on awful things is to pre-plan a bunch of tasty treats that are actually good for me. single-serving portions, preferably with a bit of protein for sticking power.

i was thinking about how nice it would be to have a set of snacks for the week, but not all the same thing every day. and i was thinking about how the snacks i eat are probably not (all) going to appeal to my family members. and i was thinking about how successfully my salad swap is still going (wow! that link is a year old!) and i wondered if maybe i could arrange a snack swap.

i think that maybe most people were daunted by my personal definition of “healthy” snacks (for now at least, i’m going to attempt to keep them gluten-free, dairy-free and processed sugars free) and so my first invitation to a swap didn’t get much response. so i decided this time to try doing it more like a CSA, but instead of being Community Supported Agriculture, it could be Community Supported Snacking. In essence, people could sign up for a snack subscription from me.

finding interesting snack ideas that fit my narrow definition of healthy was more challenging than i’d thought it would be and so i decided to start listing my weekly menus here in case it would help anyone else (and to have as a personal reference when i’m feeling uninspired in the future).

here are my first week’s menu items (note to self for the future…. this combination was way too time-consuming for one week. next time, at least purchase pre-made hummus!):

a big “thank you” and “good job!” to everyone who has been responding to these posts with their own clean-out journeys. it’s very encouraging to know i’m not alone and to feel that i’ve inspired even one person to try the same thing in their own home is highly motivating to me!

here are some thoughts that maybe everyone else will think, “well, duh” but were revelations to me:

So every once in awhile, I remember to really clean out my fridge. When I have the time to do it right, this means taking everything out, wiping down the shelves, throwing away any mysterious things or anything else that i know will never get eaten and then putting the good food back in. This purge feels like I’m finally doing that process to my whole house for the first time ever and it’s driving me crazy to look around and see all of the stuff that’s the equivalent of “mysterious fridge things” that are taking up room in my house. And to also realize that maybe, JUST MAYBE, instead of keeping food just because it hasn’t spoiled yet, perhaps my criteria should be, “am I (or anyone else in my house) excited to eat this food?” because if not, then it will just take up room in my fridge until it molds and only then will it get tossed. With sincere apologies to my Depression Era grandparents and to all of the people in the world who do not get enough food to eat on a regular basis, I don’t think that holding on to leftovers that were only grudgingly tolerated during their original meal is helping anyone. But this series isn’t really about my fridge or about food, it’s about my house, so in this instance, what I’m really talking about is stuff that’s in my house that no one really loves but it’s still functional. Argh. Still flying right up into the heart of privilege here, but let’s talk about my bathroom hand towels, shall we?

I probably own about 7? And of those, most are stained or have bleach spots (which are a mystery to me. I don’t use bleach ever. Does whitening toothpaste also bleach fabric? And if so, which one of my family members is getting toothpaste all over the towels?). I am itching to go through the whole linen closet and get rid of everything that I don’t love (pilly flannel sheets, I’m looking at you!) because while many of these items are technically still serviceable, I cringe every time we have to use them. But if that means replacing them with higher quality pieces (I’m really curious to know whether the Garnet Hill flannel sheets would be less pilly than the cheap-o Target ones I get once a year*. I’m open to recommendations!), I am able at this point in my life to be able to make that choice and spend a bit more to get really quality pieces. But does that fly in the face of my Simple Living upbringing?

*note: after writing this reflection, i did go ahead and order a set of garnet hill flannel sheets that were on sale. i’ve washed them once (turning them wonderfully soft) and they’re on our bed now and i am loving them! of course, the true test is how i’ll feel about them in a year or so, but they’re already behaving better than the cheap-o ones do, so i’m optimistic.

As I pulled these items out of my closet and dresser, I thought, oh, this isn’t that much…. then I’d remember another stash of items. Some are in the “too small but I LOVE them” stash, some are in the laundry, some were in the workout clothes box… I’m worried that NONE of my pants fit right now. The pile is larger than I thought it would be (again). We’ll see how small it gets….

Afterwards:

okay. interesting. We purged three plastic tubs worth of stuff. now I have 2 pairs of jeans, two pairs of leggings (sort of three, but only two of them could also be pants), two pairs of corduroys and two pairs of colored jean-weight pants. Listing it all out like that sort of sounds like a lot of pants, but that is WAY fewer pants than I have ever owned before. (oh, and i guess I still have some work-out/PJ pants and some summer capris/shorts if we’re listing everything) And Mo says I can’t buy more pants without also weeding a pair. But honestly, unlike with the tops, I don’t feel like there are any gaping holes in my pants wardrobe that need to be filled with new purchases. weird. We’ll see how I feel about it in two weeks. We also sorted through skirts and dresses and I feel like I did pretty well with decreasing those. Most of my skirts ended up in the summer box (I have only one tailored skirt for professional wear that is still in my closet) and my dresses are only the ones I REALLY love (we even got rid of two that I thought I loved, but when I tried them on, I realized that they didn’t fit me as well as I’d thought they had).

“if you spend less time shopping for clothes, maybe you’ll have more time to do other stuff.”

“There are enough other things in life that we can feel guilty about. Our clothes (or other belongings) shouldn’t cause us to feel guilt.” [so if you’re feeling guilty about not fitting into that pair of pants, get rid of them!]

“If you’re only buying one, favorite best of something (like a cozy all-the-time sweater), you can afford to spend more and get one that is fair trade or hand made where you know that the person who made it isn’t getting taken advantage of.”

Thoughts 5 days later:

will it REALLY mean I can shop less? I mean, yes it SHOULD me I spend less time shopping, but at least for now, when I feel like there are active HOLES in my wardrobe (still don’t have a cozy but not worn out sweater to throw on for just around the house), I’m finding myself obsessing about shopping everywhere to find the exact perfect thing instead of just finding one at a thrift store that’s “pretty much” what I want. This mindset will take awhile to shift, won’t it?

One other realization– since I didn’t actually try on EVERY pair of pants as I was sorting them, I discovered that of the two pairs of corduroy pants that I kept, one pair is a little long and the other pair is a little short. Yes, I realize I can hem the long ones (and I might, or I might just keep stepping on them–it’s not THAT bad), but the short ones are tragic. I love the way they fit other than the length. sigh. Adding corduroys to my “look for ones I really love” list.

Weird side effect: aprons!

Since I didn’t save a lot of my scruffy clothes, I’m often still wearing favorites when I cook dinner. I really don’t want to get grease stains on my faves. My first instinct was to consider grabbing something back out of the box to wear for cooking. Then I remembered–I own aprons! That I actually like! (Also, I took this opportunity to purge my apron/oven mitt/dishcloth drawer. It’s so much nicer to open now! And I don’t have the grubby dishrags and hotpads anymore!)

I dropped my stuff off at savers today. Three garbage bags and two plastic bins worth. I did grab one pair of danskos and my boden sweaters out but only because I think I can sell them somewhere. I also grabbed my long brown pullover sweater out, but only until I can find something better to replace it with. I spent about two hours then looking for sweaters and t-shirts and only bought two cardigans. One is in like-new condition and is orange-red with tiny polka dots (maybe I can get rid of the vintage orange cashmere cardigan? We’ll see…) and the other is gray, drapey cashmere huge, feather light and just luscious. It was marked as $30, but I got a 30% off coupon for donating so it was only $21, which would be amazing if it were new. It doesn’t show any wear but it’s sort of perfumey so I’m going to try to get rid of the smell. Wish me luck! [note: after 2 handwashes and a thorough spraying with unscented febreze it is much better. still not 100% fragrance free, but totally fine and i’ve already worn it several times and i looooooove it!]

and yes, i realize this should be a picture of me wearing this sweater, but the baby woke up from her nap and i want to get this posted, so you get this hanger shot. it’s pretty blasphemous to have a cashmere sweater on a hanger but… do you fold drapey cardigans? i’m not sure how….

Thoughts on privilege:

The more I go through this process, the more I realize that there’s a huge amount of privilege that exists in a life where I can get rid of the things I don’t love and if there’s something that I need to own and I don’t already own a version of that thing that I love, that I assume I can just go buy one that I do love. It will take a great deal of reflection not to just trash stuff that’s not perfect and run out to buy the nicest version of that thing that I can find. And that mindset? Buying the nicest of something instead of buying the thing that will work just fine even if it’s not exactly right but it’s on sale? That goes against pretty much all of my upbringing. From my Depression era grandparents to my ‘Live Simply so that Others May Simply Live’ Mennonite heritage. But I’m not sure that hoarding tons and tons of stuff really lives up to those morals either. What if thoughtfully purchasing items that have been made by workers that have received a fair wage were my new norm? Hmmmm…..

My thought the first morning of using my new wardrobe: “oh *%#@. I have nothing to wear!” (note: i did actually find something to wear. it was an outfit i wouldn’t have put together before, but i loved wearing it all day and it ended up being the perfect thing. hmmm… maybe there’s something to this concept after all….)

Realizations later in the day as I reflected on this experience so far:

–Maybe I’m not cut out for a “capsule wardrobe.” I get bored easily with clothes and love to wear new (to me) things. Is it really possible that if I had a wardrobe full of only things that I love (but not very many of them) that I’d be okay with that? Yes, it would be nice to have clothes that fit right every time I wore them and that I feel confident in, but…. how many times can I wear a fuscia top before I’m sick of fuschia? (see: summer of 1980-something when my mom decided to create a wardrobe around the color royal blue for me. I really do not like royal blue anymore. sorry, mom.)

–I went to Madewell to try on some clothes from the “hunting list” above today during my break. Turns out, I’m even pickier when clothes cost $100 apiece. There was a sweater there that was deliciously squishy soft, had a great hi-lo hemline and just the general shape of the sweater was perfect….. except for the turtleneck. And not a drapey cowl, neckline, but a true turtleneck. gah. did NOT like. will continue the hunt. I did enjoy chatting with the salesperson, however. She had a body shape somewhat similar to mine and when I was admiring the feel of a sweater dress and lamenting that my body was “too curvy in all the wrong places” to wear something like that, she gently corrected me by saying, “No, you’re just like me where you need a dress with a little more structure–something that nips in at the waist. This sweater dress doesn’t provide any of that structure.” you see that there? how she redirected the problem to the DRESS and not to my BODY? I need to adopt that mindset. I left with two pairs of socks that were on sale.

–later, after an even less successful trip to Title Nine (also with a similar body-typed salesperson, woot!), I was overcome by emotion when I realized that even if I found the PERFECT piece of clothing, I’d be tempted not to fork over big, not-on-sale, brand-new bucks for it because I keep thinking I’m going to be losing weight soon and then I’d have this super-expensive, way-too-big piece of clothing that would make me sad to be smaller, sad to have “wasted” the money on something I could no longer wear. I REALIZE THIS IS NOT THE BEST WAY TO THINK ABOUT MY CLOTHING, but wow, is it deep-seated. I remember how exciting it was to buy new things to wear as I was losing weight a few years ago. Everything looked so much better on my slimmer body and it was SO exciting to see those size tags going down in number. And yet, would I allow myself to buy expensive things if I was that weight again, or would I be afraid that I was going to gain the weight back, so it would be a waste? Maybe the problem is also that I’m afraid that I’ll buy a $100 sweater and then shrink it or stain it or something. I’m just not used to investing that much capital into my clothes.

Two days later:

I’m shopping on ThredUp and realizing that I’m shying away from “unique” items (like a t-shirt with a beaded collar) because if I only have a small number of pieces of clothes, then if I have a really recognizable piece and need to wear it over and over again, it will be more easily remembered. What if other people get bored of me wearing the same thing over and over? What if I get bored of it? But what if I get bored of just wearing closet basics all the time?

Three days later:

Unexpected side effect–at the end of the day, instead of dropping my clothes on my bedroom floor, I’m making decisions about whether they need to be washed and if they don’t, I’m putting them away. Weird. Wonder how long that’ll last. Nice though. (It’s because I don’t want my faves to fade and because i can’t have all my clothes in the laundry at once…)