Telling Off The Right

If there’s one debate that’s almost impossible to settle amongst the left, it’s just HOW we should treat our political adversaries in the strange new world we find ourselves in.

There are the hardliners, who think that anyone who voted for Trump must be either terminally stupid or dementedly racist, and therefore all Trump supporters are The Enemy. This is a tempting thought – the mind boggles when trying to empathize with anyone who thought President Trump was a good idea, even a year ago – but ultimately ignores a substantial section of the electorate.

The majority of the left seems to fall more into the “Not angry, just disappointed” category. We understand that Hillary was the face of an interminable status quo, and that Trump was a protest against the crumbling neoliberalist model. We know that not all Trump voters are dumb fascists, but we feel that the good people who voted Donald are hanging out with a bad crowd and did something stupid and dangerous.

I’m sure you people on the right bristle at being treated like stupid teenagers, but take a good look at what you did – he’s probably on the news right now, struggling to explain pictures of himself fellating Vladimir Putin – and tell me you don’t deserve to be yelled at by the people who warned you not to vote for that fat fucking dotard.

Do you think the left LIKES being your parents?! Every few years this happens – you cause some sort of disaster, and we have to clean it up. And the really galling thing is – I know you don’t believe this, but it’s true – WE WANT WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU. We want you to have free healthcare. We want better schools for your kids. We want gun control, not to stop your fun but to stop you from getting shot in church, or at a ball game, or a concert, or wherever dozens of people have been gunned down between the time I pressed “Send” and the time this article hit the site.

We know you hate being treated like a kid, but LOOK AT ME! So, help me you will look me in the eye while I tell you this!

We know you hate being treated like a kid, but you’ve had things your way and how are they going?! Your candidate is clearly crooked, America is now the ONLY country in the world that doesn’t want to do something about climate change, and big business continues to make ludicrous profits at the expense of the working man. We left you in charge and THIS is what you’ve done?!

If conservatives are tired of being patronized by intellectual elites, maybe they should stop doing such monumentally stupid things.