My autobiography, where you can choose what I tell you about…

Flash Stars Show Off Big Tows

Top-earning players who have outdone each other with faster and more expensive cars have turned to a new way of boosting their egos among each other – caravans.

Most of the big Premier League names can be seen turning up for training pulling a touring caravan behind them and they spend their spare time comparing models and shopping for accessories.

West Ham’s Kieron Dyer is believed to be recouperating from his latest spate of injuries by spending time alone in his cramped two-berth caravan near Kielder Forest armed only with a camping stove, some Lego and a Bullworker.