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Saturday, January 29, 2011

The Sound of Silence

It’s one of those mornings. You know, the gin-and-beer fallout kind, where you wake up with a tuning fork inside your skull and your mouth tastes like the tooth fairy took a shit in it during the night. Yeah, one of those. Not to bitch, though. It was a fair trade. A “morning of pain for a night of pleasure” kind of thing. Like herpes. But last week was a hell of a week, and despite the headache, I’d do it all over again in a second.

So, instead of spending the rest of my Saturday in a coma, I crawled out of bed and headed to a café. It’s the perfect place to nurse a hangover. Not only because I can drown the beer beast in caffeine, but because I can do so in silence. Even in a room occupied by over a dozen people at any given time, this place is more blissfully silent than a mime orgy. Every face is currently jacked into a laptop or iPhone screen, with its owner impervious to the nuisance of actual human interaction. And today I’m thankful for it.

Let’s be honest. Why would I go to all the trouble of making physical contact with people who are five feet away from me when I can talk to you fine folks all around the world without even straining my tongue muscles? It hurts my head less. Score one for technology? Right? With that, I bid you all a groovy weekend. Funnier words coming from me on Monday, when I explain the importance of Second Grade, and the likelihood that your first crush wound up becoming a prostitute.

haha @kev, i also experience mad rushes of fecal urgency the mornings after heavy drinking. after those are over i usually smoke a bowl and head to cup o joe in the biggest sunglasses i could find for men. get something large, sit outside and just coast. maybe bring a journal.

Several years ago, when I was single and could afford to spend days in hangover recovery, I helped a friend get rid of a gallon of his homemade wine.That night nature took its course, and I started to shit and hurl like a human fountain statue. In an effort to stop the fluid loss (and because I was too drunk to know better) I took a prescription plugger-upper called limodal, or something like that. A pill the size of a deer tick that could stop the Nile if someone tossed one into the current.Two days later I was still plugged with all of the poisons my body had been successfully voiding.Live and learn...