The BIG Lie: “Over the last few years both parties have worked together to reduce our deficits by more than $2.5 trillion.” –Barack Obama (For the record: The deficit has risen by a record $5.19 trillion under Obama’s watch.)

GOP horror show: “The Republicans are poised to shut down government. The Republicans are poised to let the sequestration go forward, which is… ‘Sequestration,’ you know what that word means? What that word means to American people is unemployment, no jobs, take us to recession. It’s not quite an, uh, exact Latin translation. But that’s what it means.” –House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA)

Explanations: “I want to disagree with those who say we have a spending problem. Everyone keeps saying we have a spending problem. And when they talk about that, it’s like there’s an assumption that somehow we as a nation are broke. … We’re the richest nation in the history of the world. That kind of begs the question doesn’t it? If we’re so rich, why are we so broke? Is it a spending problem? No, it’s because we have a misallocation of capital, a misallocation of wealth.” –Sen. Tom Harkin (D-IA)

Humble brag: “This is something I’ve struggled with throughout my presidency. The problem is that I’m the president of the United States, I’m not the emperor of the United States. My job is to execute laws that are passed.” –Barack Obama

Oh please: “I don’t think we should [cut congressional pay]; I think we should respect the work we do. I think it’s necessary for us to have the dignity of the job that we have rewarded.” –Nancy Pelosi, who has no dignity

Failing the laugh test: “I think the president’s hallmark is not being on the left or the right, or even in the middle. The president’s hallmark is being practical.” –Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL)

Um, what? “I stand here as a freed slave because this Congress came together. Are we going to be able to do it today to free America?” –Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-TX)