The 17 Biggest Lies Every Parent Tells Their Kids

If you say you never lie to your kids, you’re lying. Your pants are on fire right now, you’re lying so badly. It’s okay to admit you lie to your kids. As a parent you have to. There’s no way around it. Sure, it starts with the best of intentions with the ones about the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus, but the lies soon snowball. You can’t not lie to your kids. You do it as motivation. You do it as a control mechanism. You do it to shut them up. We all do it. We do it well. We do it often. Don’t try and tell me you don’t lie to your kids, because you do. Just click through the lies below and check off how many you’ve told. I’ll bet you score pretty close to a perfect 17.

Watching too much TV will damage your eyesight. 1 of 17

You can substitute "sitting too close to the tv will make you go blind" with the above statement. I heard them both growing up, I drop them on my boys, and they're both totally false.
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Cracking your knuckles will give you arthritis. 2 of 17

It's a disgusting habit, it is. Arthritis sounds like a nasty disease, so maybe it will stop your kids from doing it. But, it's not true.
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If you don’t come with me now, I’ll leave you here by yourself. 3 of 17

I wonder if the kids ever buy this one. It's a wicked game of chicken. You have to be willing to not only walk away, but you have to walk around a corner so they are out of sight. Helicopter Moms can never execute the lie perfectly.
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Drinking coffee stunts your growth. 4 of 17

"Stunts your growth" is a great threat to drop on kids for anything you don't want them to have. The biggest desire of a kid is "to be big", so anything that will stand in the way of that pursuit is immediately frowned upon. Fact is, it's not true.
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If you make a silly face, it’ll get stuck like that. 5 of 17

There are times I wish this one were true, if just for a few minutes. Can you imagine if you held an expression for 30s you'd have it for 10 minutes? Actually, check that - kids would LOVE having goofy stuck faces.
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If you swallow chewing gum it will stay in your stomach for seven years. 6 of 17

I'll admit I'm a gum swallower. I just don't like littering and tossing gum out, so I'll swallow it. Always wondered about the 7 year rotting gum theory, turns out it's not true. While it's harder to get out, it doesn't sit there in your bowel for 7 years.
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Your Elementary school grades count. 7 of 17

"This is going on your permanent record" was a constant refrain I heard throughout school. While it's true that your high school grades matter for college acceptance, and you want to go to a good college, your elementary grades don't really count for anything more than parental bragging rights.
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Maybe tomorrow… 8 of 17

Delaying tactics are awesome. It's not saying "No" which will result in a meltdown, it's delaying the gratification. It totally works, until they ask you again tomorrow.
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Your goldfish/hamster/imaginary friend ran away. 9 of 17

Pets die. And kids have a better understanding of what death means than you give them credit for. Still, if you're not comfortable with the explanation, and it's easier for you to say the goldfish sprouted wings and flew out the front door, go ahead.
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If you go outside with wet hair, you’ll get sick. 10 of 17

My wife still likes to pull this one on not only the boys, but me. Scientifically, can't and doesn't happen. Colds are caused by viruses not from getting cold.
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That cute puppy across the street is sick, so we can’t go and pet it. 11 of 17

Kids understand being sick. And they understand they don't like it. If you're not a fan of your kids petting strange dogs, being sick is a very easy excuse. See also: it bites.
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I didn’t bring money with me today. 12 of 17

My kids understand cash, but are not fully up to speed on credit and debit. I am strictly a digital cash consumer, so I can pour open empty pocket pants to turn down unreasonable requests.
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Santa Claus is watching. 13 of 17

We even take it a step further. We pick up the phone and pretend to call him.
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There are no more cookies. 14 of 17

This one may actually be true, especially if they are the cute cookies the kids made and you ate them all after they went to bed despite the fact you knew they wanted one for a lunch treat.
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You can try this one on your teens who seem to survive on a steady diet of chocolate bars and soda, but sadly it's not exactly true.
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You have to wait an hour to swim after you eat or you’ll get cramps. 17 of 17

I remember staring at a clock when I was kid at the pool. I would actually not eat because I wanted to swim longer. I thought eating would immediately make my tummy hurt in a chemical reaction with the pool water causing me to drown. Yeah, totally not true and I have no idea why parents continue to drop this one.
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