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I’m finding myself more depressed lately. And when I feel depressed I wind up hurting myself in a way that leaves marks on my skin. I don’t like giving in to my self loathing and my self harming because I’ve managed to go more than ten years without a single bit of self harm done to myself. But the fact of the matter is that I can’t admit this stuff to anyone because I don’t want to be locked up in a loony bin. I think the reason I am so depressed currently is the fact that my life is s**t. I didn’t think, when I was younger, that I would be twenty eight with no high school diploma, no job, and no children. I certainly didn’t think I’d have two marriages and two divorces under m belt either. When I was younger I had dreams, aspirations, to make something of myself and at twenty eight my life is s**t. I am so far past ******** that it’s not even funny. I want to change my life around but in order to get my GED I need money, and in order to get a job I need my GED so I am pretty much just sitting here running around in ******** circles. Add to that I need to find some way to get my license and my five hour course thing expired yesterday so I’ll have to go back for my five hour at some point.

I hate how ******** my life is because it depresses me and I fear that if something doesn’t change and soon.. I will wind up killing myself.