A survivor's guide to teenage parenting involving rabbit feet, four leaf clovers and going to Church on Sunday.

Saturday, 28 September 2013

Mojo Fallin'

I am in danger of losing my Daddy mojo, my Iggy lust for life, my animo, my wait for a pop art 15 minutes of fame that is still not quite here and I confess I am in fear of it not coming. I am apparently neither over the moon or over the rainbow and its autumn of my life..... I am getting on a bit.

I have an elbow that kickstarts a day with a crick that is reached by achieving warp factor one-ish, by movement measured in degress of motion that saps the energy and challenges the mental bravery. Bending is becoming a sort of torture of the soul. Once cricked, the elbow can flex kinda normally for a good 12 hours before resettting itself to frozen during the night as if by some black magic voodoo doll curse. I am no doctor, but I suspect this is not good.

I have kids that beat me at things, it gets worst, its happening lots of time, my superiority in height was over months ago, my superiority in general knowledge is down to historical events over twenty years ago, my superiority in being clever is losing out to Master Clever and Miss Cleverest, my top comic genius is being is reduced to being the lowest form of wit.

I have diseases that my father had.
I have growths that have suddenely metamorphasised to launch acting careers and are auditioning for parts in a Hobbit movie.
I have a girth that proverbs about belt and braces was made for.
I have glasses that either see far away or see near up, my eyes appear to see a very strict radius of focus that makes reading uncomfortable or at the other extreme bloody dangerous for passengers and pedestrians alike.

My kids now doing the screwing of screws, and the unscrewing of bottle caps that have been factory closed to be middle age proof, as a revenge for those days as a functioning adult I was called upon to flex the non crickety elbow to open the child proof tops.

My kids put tunes on my ipod as if the electronical digital world is beyond my IQ range or at least below my enthusiasm level

I am becoming more feeble that weeble that wobbles and does fall down.

2 comments:

You might think you're falling apart but your ability to write is as sharp as ever.If it helps to feel you're not alone I can tell you I have a knee which crackles when I go up and down the stairs and when University Challenge comes on the TV I pretend I'm reading a book.

Perhaps we should record a dub-step, trip hop, drum and base, mega hit featuring your crackle and my crick.

You may need to run up and down stairs often and, for me, to fall asleep and wake up often exercising my elbow, on my part it may involve drinking alcohol, obviously for artistic and pain relief reasons.