Scores

Group Anichebe

Claudio With a Chance of Modballs continue their unbeaten streak by mincingAmerican Dycho 7-2. One, two, three four five. Dirty Zidancing caught a fish alive. They grind Finding Nuno 6-3, who will need to stop clowning around if they wish to qualify for the knockouts.

This upcoming week we see a huge six-pointer between 2nd and 3rd placed American Dycho and Dirty Zidancing. This will be a crucial clash in finding out who reaches the knockouts.

Meanwhile, the in-form Mods and Cons team will be facing off against Finding Nuno, who find themselves sinking without a trace, with zero points so far.

Group Brunt

A last-gasp Digne freekick saw RoboKlopp clinch a dramatic victory over Guardiolas of the Galaxy 5.5-3.5. Try this on for size! Neville Wears Prada wear down The Big Bang Thierry 5-4.

Guardiolas of the Galaxy may find themselves lightyears away from The Big Bang Thierry in terms of group standings, but a win for them this week will see the two teams level on points.

After sharing a bottle of fine wine, Al Pardcino unloads the clip on Howe to Train Your Dragon as the family batter them 6-3. Thor: Wagnerok hammer Silence of the Lambert 6-3, the fight for second place is well and truly on.

Some key players of the tournament favourites The Godfather: Pardew are rumoured to have been seen in sunny Sicily prior to their clash against Thor: Wagnerok. Do we expect rotation?

Howe to Train Your Dragon will be looking to singe what is left of The Silence of the Lambert’s chances of qualification.

Group Demel

After a team submission gaff, Hughes Line is it Emery? falter as When ‘Arry Met Sarri are crowned the victors, 6-3. The Hills Have Moyes edge out Alice in Wengerland 5-4, which sees them rise the summit into the top 2.

This week Hughes Line is it Emery? will be desperate to get their first points on the board, as they face off against Alice in Wengerland.

In a battle of the top two, The Hills Have Moyes are up against the photo-editing champions When ‘Arry Met Sarri.

Notable Performers

This week we are giving the best team performance to RoboKlopp who managed to beat Guardiolas of the Galaxy despite scoring almost 40 less points. They managed to pit their lowest scorer against the opposition’s highest scorer. Congratulations!

This week’s highest scorer is Hasselbaink Forever who scored a mammoth 91pts after hits. The best press conference is awarded to Professor Bear found here.

Matchday 4

The deadline for Matchday 4 will as usual coincide with the FPL deadline. Here is the remaining tournament schedule:

Journalist: I'm here with Gamoriola of the Galaxy (aka Eunuch Jelly) of Guardiolas of the Galaxy. Gamori . . . can I call you Gammy? That was quite a crushing defeat in the armband match this week. How do you come back from that?

Gammy: Whatta ya mean? Come back? That was basically a victory if you look at it. I mean, he played a free hit, and he needed a Digne freak goal to pull it out. Nothing to see here.

J: But you can't escape the fact that your boys lost that match, you're at the bottom of the table, and your loss was essentially the decider. Surely you need to take something from that?

G: What I take from it is that Keane was always the right pick over DIgne, and that goal was basically a non-thing, an aberration, and so on paper I won that match. So did some of my teammates who "lost" because they didn't have Digne. That basically didn't happen, so we won. On paper.

J: OK . . . but Gammy . . . can I call you Gam? If your team wants to make it through they need a win this GW against Big Bang Thierry . . . can I call them Big Butt? What are you going to change to make sure that happens?

G: Oh we are totally on it. A lot of us will be playing TAA, because on paper he's good for a clean sheet and a free kick goal. I know he's injured, but that's an anomaly, and he definitely deserves a 15-pointer. Big Butt are not likely to be getting a lot of those.

J: Given that TAA is unlikely to play, I can't see that doing it for you. Gam . . . can I call you Dumbass? What other plans do you have to get actual points on the board and win this thing?

Dumbass: Well we have a lot of David Silva owners in our side. He is a magician, who pulls the strings for the goal-scoringest team in the Premiership, so there are loads of points there. I mean, Big Butt are likely to focus on healthy players, and we mean to capitalise on that by getting the theoretical points nobody will be expecting.

J: Right, Dumbass, are you seriously saying you guys plan to win this by putting out hypothetical players? That is the dumbest thing I have ever . . .

DumbGammy: Oi! We are dumb like a . . . like a . . . like Theresa May, who definitely should get a better deal in a perfect world . . .

J: That's it from me here with Dumbass on the big match-up with BIg Butt . . .

Until about 11:30 there were 12 upvotes. I just showed up now and there are 11. I'm not greedy--I like any positive feedback and I'm not about numbers, but what makes a person take back an upvote? Did they really think about it for while and decide, on reflection, that it wasn't as funny as they thought at first? Nowt queer as folk. 😉

PUBLIC STATEMENT FROM THE CAPTAIN OF THE CLAUDIO WITH A CHANCE OF MODBALLS MANAGER:

"There have been rumours of discontent from some of my team, in the fact that I only alerted the squad ten minutes before the deadline that I hadn't submitted a team sheet to the organisers, and was currently on the screen in the Breakfast Club giving free advice to other players in rival teams.

There have also been rumours of a vote of no confidence from the team, a kind of mutiny if you will. I would like to put this on record: These rumours are completely true. Earlier, Legomané suggested a vote of confidence on me retaining leader status. However, as leader - this idea was promptly rejected. There will be no vote and I will remain the undisputed leader of the Modballs team until the mantle is prised from my cold dead hands.

I would like to apologise to my team for the distress caused by my failure to submit a prompt teamsheet. But I would also like to remind them that Mark hasn't even joined the Slack channel, and if we were governed by him, we'd all be taking -8s to bring in players like Balbuena and Josh Murphy. Although I do accept that these moves would likely pay off and see us win the competition with ease, as well as us all achieving top 1k finishes.

I appreciate however that this has been a difficult morning, full of stress, and tbh I'm not even really sure who is playing, let alone who we have captained, but I assure my squad that I will have the team sheet delivered on time for the next fixture - or give at least 15 mins notice to G-Whizz so he can stop crying.

I would also like to remind G-Whizz that if we lose this fixture, it's all his fault.

I'd like to remind the Dishonourable Gentlemen that a mere 15% of Modballs members are required to submit a letter of 'No Confidence' to the Team Whip, and that his Modballs appear to be teetering on the brink - indeed, I have received the first notice by DM as we speak.

Once the threshold has been attained a No-Confidence vote shall be triggered with results announced by the completion of this Gameweek.

The team voted in Az in a vote, a second leadership vote will only murky democracy. The people have spoken, they want Az to be the leader, it may only have been by 1% but a majority is a majority. The people must have known before they voted that Az was disorganised and distracted by other duties, however they saw through this and chose him to lead. We the fine members of Modballs must stay true to this edict and uphold Az as the leader throughout this tournament and all subsequent tournaments, no matter how much opinion appears to change.

How did you manage to infiltrate the Modballs Party without a green badge?Security not doing their job! Sack the gatekeeper!

Az was appointed our Glorious Leader by consensus or default, as no one else put themselves forward to a final vote. But there could be a popular rebellion if he attempts to insert any clauses in his contract that might result in him becoming a permanently unremovable Dictator For Life.

You wouldn’t get this kind of public in fighting in The Godfather:Pardew. We tend to keep such matters in the family plus if anyone argues with Don CorLawroeone you find a horses head lying next to you in the morning.

Better late than never but a remarkable show of leadership from our manager this week. Took the armband and dragged us to victory. Fantastic to be through already and have to avoid the mad xmas schedule.

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