Tag Archives: Krissy

(PLEASE NOTE: This blog contains the IPA-soaked rants of a former MasterChef survivor who has practically no inside knowledge of how this season was produced. It’s not fit to be read by anyone.)

So we’re back up to 7 contestants, now that Bri is back. And it’s time for a mystery box. Krissi tells us, “I need to step up my game to a whole nother level.” I just HAVE to pause here to correct what is probably the most rampant abuse of the English language in modern American culture. And, yes, Krissi…I’m guilty of using it, too. There’s no such word as “nother.” That word doesn’t exist. Yet, I’ve even seen “a whole nother” on a bulletin board on I-35 near downtown Dallas. I’m not sure who the first person was who uttered “a whole nother,” but if I met him, I’d strangle him with my bare hands. Or at least give him a tongue lashing.

The writer in me must tell you that there are 2 proper ways of saying that phrase, and they are as follows:

The T-bone steak, with the larger NY strip steak on the left side, and the smaller tenderloin steak on the right

Beneath the mystery box is one of my favorite steaks…a T-bone. This lovely steak is actually 2 steaks in one…a New York strip and a tenderloin, separated by the T-shaped bone which is part of the lumbar vertebrae in the cow’s spinal column. The T-bone steak and the Porterhouse steak are actually practically the same steak…but the T-bone is cut from the loin closer to the front of the cow, and the Porterhouse is cut closer to the rear. So Porterhouse steaks contain a larger ratio of tenderloin to strip, while T-bones contain a smaller tenderloin. The unfortunate consequence of this is that the tenderloin part of the T-bone tends to overcook, because it’s a smaller muscle. Porterhouses tend to have a better balance between the meat on both sides, so they’re easier to cook.

Since we can already predict this episode is gonna be more about drama than cooking, let’s pause for a sec and discuss beef. There are 2 kinds of beef cuts…tender cuts and tough cuts. The tender cuts are equivalent to the white meat on a chicken: muscles that rarely get used, so they tend to be tender. On a cow, these are the muscles along the spine (or loin) that flank each side of the spinal column and never actually do much work. These cuts are renowned for tenderness…but not really much flavor. So the flavor comes from how you cook it.

The tough cuts on a cow, however, are the muscles that get the actual work…the front and back legs and the abdomen. Equivalent to the dark meat on a chicken, these cuts are the ones that actually TASTE good…but because the muscles get a lot of exercise, they tend to be tougher. This is why a perfect burger will taste better than any prime tenderloin ever can…because it tastes like BEEF. Tenderloin tastes like whatever you season it with, and melts in your mouth like the butter you slather on top of it because it has very little flavor of its own. So in the quest for the perfect steak, if your primary concern is tenderness, then the T-bone is a fabulous choice…but if your primary concern is good, beefy flavor, you need to look to the tough cuts like skirt steak, flank steak, brisket, chuck roast, and round roast. These cuts need to be either barely cooked and sliced across the grain to keep them tender, or they need to be braised or smoked low and slow for an eternity to break down all the collagen and connective tissues, so they melt in your mouth.

Walmart is back in the house, and you can tell how excited Joe is to be the first to talk about it. I’ve ranted enough about the Walmart-MasterChef relationship in previous blogs, so I’ll spare you. (Just be it known that I DO shop at Walmart…at least twice month. I don’t ever buy beef there. Actually, I very rarely buy beef. What I buy at Walmart are their organic products like milk and eggs…well, before I had chickens in my backyard.) I absolutely LOVE how “enthusiastic” Joe is as he reads off the cue card “Walmart sells the highest quality choice beef which is inspected by the USDA for quality.” Poor Joe, I know exactly how pissed off he was to have to say that. And, for the record, EVERY piece of beef you buy in the grocery store in this country is inspected by the USDA for quality. Again, Gordon is remarkably silent when it comes to discussing Walmart. He never says it once.

Gordon says, “T-bone steak, a chef’s dream. But tonight, we wanna see this T-bone steak elevated, we do not wanna see just meat and potatoes.” When he asks Graham what he would make, Graham replies, “A simple rub, not too spicy…grill it, and with it: a potato salad.” I chuckled at that one. Exactly what Gordon said not to make. Though, honestly…if you mess with a steak too much, you detract from its beauty. Simplicity and perfection is key to presenting a great steak.

Time is up, and it’s time to taste the 3 best dishes. Jordan is first, and he’s never won a mystery box challenge. Jordan has decided to separate the NY Strip and the tenderloin from the bone. (Luca also did this, but he served both steaks, Jordan only serves the Strip.) This is a puzzling choice. It certainly gives the chef better control over each piece of meat…meaning you can cook each one to perfection, which is something you CANNOT do when it’s on the bone. However, when you separate those two cuts of meat, they simply become two separate steaks. And that bone is the key to incredible flavor and juiciness. I almost never buy a roast or steak that is boneless. Wanna impress the MasterChef judges? Separate those steaks and cook each one perfectly. Wanna BLOW AWAY the MasterChef judges? Present them with a bone-in T-bone steak cooked beautifully. Because THAT is hard to do. Jordan’s steak is served with a celery root puree. If you’ve never tasted celery root…also called celeriac…you need to. It’s pretty miraculous. Like a cross between a rutabaga or turnip and celery. Bold, earthy, nutty flavor…it’s downright divine. Jordan has also made a compound butter with which to top his steak, consisting of parsley, bleu cheese, and lemon zest. (yum) He’s also got caramelized onions and fried squash breaded in parmesan cheese.

(Quick pause here. “Parmesan” is the English word for a cheese produced in the same style as the cheeses produced in the Parma and Reggio Emilia regions of Italy. The cheese made there from raw cow’s milk is called “Parmigiano Reggiano.” All other cheeses made around the world in that same style are called “Parmesan.”)

The judges are very impressed with Jordan’s plate.

Luca is next, and like Jordan, he has removed the bone from his steaks. But he is serving both of them. He grilled the filet and served it with haricot verts (French green beans), and roasted potatoes with Parmesan cream sauce. The NY Strip he pan seared and served with caramelized onions and a pan sauce. The judges are very impressed.

The final dish comes as a surprise to some of the contestants…it’s Krissi. And boy, did she take her cooking to a whole nother level! Krissi had the balls to leave the T-bone whole. (Good girl!) She cooked it on cast iron, which she said is the way her grandfather used to cook steak. And I can’t agree with them more. There is NO better cooking method for steak than a cast iron skillet. Certainly not a grill pan, which many contestants used. (That only gives you sear on the lines where the grill pan meets the steak. That may look pretty, but you’ve only got a tenth of the flavorful crust you’d get if the whole surface of the steak was in contact with the iron.) Sometimes I’ll go for a steak grilled on charcoal, because you get some smoke in the flavor, but typically I save that for BBQ. And don’t ever EVER cook a steak on a propane grill. In fact, throw away your propane grill…it has no purpose. If you’re going to grill, you’d better do it over charcoal. Grilling on the stove is downright silly. Grilling over a propane fire is the same this as broiling, it’s just upside down. I laugh until I’m hyperventilating when I see how proud some guys are of their propane grilling skills. The propane grill is the biggest culinary scam ever inflicted upon mankind. Sell it on Craigslist. Spend 1/8 what you paid for it on a charcoal grill with cast iron grates. Your taste buds will thank you.

On top of Krissi’s steak she’s got a compound butter, and she’s serving it with a crispy potato galette that she’s calling “pommes de Krissi.” I love that. A “galette” is a French style, crusty, round cake that can be either savory or sweet. “Pomme” is the French word for potato, and Krissi’s potato cake is really stunning. While the potato may be the humblest of all ingredients, cooking masterfully with it takes knowledge and incredible skill. Because starches are far more finicky than proteins. They turn to sugar at certain temperatures, and then they quickly burn. Alongside her “pommes de Krissi” she’s got a caramelized onion and Brussels sprout salad. What a dish! I would eat the heck out of that. The judges can’t praise her enough.

In fact, Krissi wins the whole challenge, and while there were probably some VERY stellar dishes we never even got to see, I’d have to agree with the judges on this one, at least with reference to the other 2 plates. Krissi’s plate showed some really sophisticated technique. And while the term “sophisticated technique” tends to give me a rash, and I’m not often DYING to taste something prepared with sophisticated technique, I’d have scarfed down every morsel on that plate because it was still familiar and authentic…two adjectives sorely missing from a lot of “sophisticated” food.

Back in the pantry, there are 6 massive burlap-covered boxes filled with “fresh food,” according to Joe. One by one, the burlap is lifted, revealing a variety of live birds that we use for food. The first is a quail…near and dear to the heart of every real Texan. Our very favorite game bird.

Next is a pigeon, which we’ve already seen this season. Called “squab” in fancy restaurants, pigeons are basically the same thing as doves, which are also much beloved by game hunters.

Graham next reveals a pheasant, which is the ultimate prize for many game bird hunters. I’ve had the pleasure of cooking wild pheasant several times…the meat is dark purple, lean, and incredibly delicious. Graham says, “If you don’t know what you’re doing with this bird, it’s impossible to nail it.” The trick to pheasant…and ALL game birds, really, is brining. They have so little fat that you need to get all the moisture you can into the meat before you cook it, to prevent it from drying out.

Next is, of course, a chicken. That’s a Buff Orphington, by the way. I have one in my backyard. They are among the largest breeds of chicken, and just about the friendliest. They love to be held and petted, they’ll respond to their name, and they make a far better pet than a cat, in my most-humble opinion.

Gordon pulls up his burlap to reveal a duck. A White Pekin, to be precise. This breed of duck is native to China, and for almost a century, virtually every domesticated duck eaten in the US was a direct descendent of the 9 Pekin ducks brought to New York from China in the 1800s.

Ducks are one of my favorite animals…I can’t help but laugh when I see them. I had pet ducks when I was a kid, and I’ve rescued and raised MANY orphaned ducklings over the years. One year, I rescued an entire nest of ducklings whose mother had been killed by a dog. The sweltering summer heat continued to incubate the eggs and they began to hatch, but without the moisture from mama duck’s feathers, the inner membrane of the eggs had become too tough for the babies to peck through. After it became apparent that the babies would die in their shells, I reluctantly helped them hatch. We saved 4 out of the 7 quackers, and I raised them until they were fully feathered. A few trips to a local park to teach them to swim were fascinating…the ducks thought they were people and followed me around the park, terrified of the other ducks. Eventually I returned them to the pond where their mother had lived, and it was heart-wrenching to see how scared they were of the other ducks. But I had to leave them to figure it out on their own. A week later I came back to check on them, and all 4 recognized me and jumped out of the water and rushed up to me, quacking like crazy, jumping up and wanting to be held. You should have seen the look on the other ducks’ faces when those 4 were jumping up and down, wanting me to pick them up.

I continued to visit them each week until the entire flock flew south for the winter. When they returned the next spring, they had their adult feathers, and I couldn’t recognize which ones were “mine.” And they didn’t recognize me, either. So my job was done, after shedding a few bittersweet tears.

The last box contains, of course…a turkey. I wish we cooked whole turkey more often in this country, because it’s absolutely delicious…when prepared properly. (And you can rest assured that most turkey is NOT prepared properly. For a good primer, start here and here.)

Krissi’s job is to assign one bird to each contestant. They head back to the kitchen for their surprise, and each bird is wearing a medallion with an image of the contestant that will have to cook it. Luca is adorably skittish of the birds, and tries to tempt his turkey with a big piece of lettuce.

When Natasha picks up her pheasant, you can see a fishing line attached to it’s leg…I suppose to keep it from flying up and roosting in the ceiling of the warehouse where MasterChef is filmed.

For a brief moment, the contestants believe they’ll have to slaughter the birds themselves, but that’s far too gruesome for the American audience. Which, to me, is sad. I don’t believe that ANYONE should eat meat if they’re not willing to dispatch the animal themselves. Because we keep the slaughter of animals hidden away in mysterious buildings, and we only see it when it becomes hermetically sealed packages of pink meat in the grocery store, we’re more comfortable about the fact that we eat meat. As a result, we’re likely to make horrible, irresponsible decisions when buying our meat. Like buying $1.99 chicken breast from a chicken that lived its whole live in a tiny cage fighting with 3 other chickens, pumped full of antibiotics so that it grows at 3 times its natural rate, eating poop from the chickens in the 10 cages stacked above it. When you actually kill the animal that you’re going to eat…you realize how important your choice to be an omnivore is. You develop a respect for the animal that died to sustain you. And you cultivate a desire to make sure that EVERY animal that unwillingly gives its life for your dinner plate lives a life according to its nature. A chicken should wander around all day, scratching for seeds and chasing grasshoppers. A cow should graze in green pastures and nap beneath a tree in the heat of the day. A pig should wallow in cool mud and root in the dirt for acorns. And very few of those things happen on massive, industrialized farms. Which is why it’s one of the greatest acts you can do as a human to seek out a local farmer and buy from him. Because you can meet his animals and see how they are treated. And you sustain his family and your local community when you buy from him. Yes, it’s less convenient than going to the corner grocery store. Yes, it may cost a bit more than your $1.99 sale-priced industrial chicken. (Though it will certainly cost less than buying “artisan” meat at Whole Foods or some other gourmet supermarket.)

But think about it…you make tough choices in your life right now based on things you believe are right, and they make your life harder. Right? Some of you go to church on Sunday. That’s not easy. But you believe it’s right. Some of you are extremely involved with your children’s education…you personally know their teachers, you get involved with PTA. That’s not easy. Nor is it free. But you do it, because you believe it’s important. Say photography is a serious hobby of yours. Are you gonna buy the cheapest point-and-shoot that Konica makes? Of course not.

So why would you always stoop to the cheapest food you can find to sustain your very life, and the lives of the people who are most important to you? Don’t you wanna know where that sh-t comes from?!? In our country we’ve been spoiled and placated into a place of blissful ignorance about how our food ends up on our table. And that’s not only gravely dangerous…it’s criminally neglectful when it comes to your kids and the people who trust you to care for them. Start thinking about where your food comes from. It is literally the MOST important decision you make on a daily basis. Yet so many of us make it so flippantly.

*steps off soapbox*

The contestants are given 60 minutes to prepare the perfect dish, with their poultry as the hero. And while that MIGHT be theoretically feasible for the lucky bastards with the quail (Jordan), pigeon (Bri), duck (James), and chicken (Jessie)…it’s impossible for the pheasant (Natasha) and the turkey (Luca). Both those birds have dense, lean flesh that needs several hours of brining before you can even think about cooking them. Granted, the quail and pigeon need to be brined, too, but they’re so small they’ll brine in 30 minutes, leaving plenty of time for cooking. (For the record…apparently NO contestant brined their bird. Which is really surprising.)

Time is called, and Gordon asks who thinks they have the best dish. No one raises their hand. On my season, Gordon asked this after every single challenge. (He probably did on EVERY season, it just rarely makes it to the final edit, because on most challenges, EVERYONE raises their hand, and that gets boring.)

Jessie is up first for tasting. She presents pan seared chicken breast with roasted garlic sauce, mashed potatoes, and summer veggie succotash. Joe chastises her for being too “homey” and not gourmet enough…but with all the components on her plate, it’s as sophisticated as anything anyone has cooked on this episode. He’s just sticking up his nose at Southern cuisine for being too primitive. Her chicken breast, however, is too dry. (Fancy that…a dry chicken breast! If you’re a regular reader, you know what I have to say about chicken breast. The ONLY time to eat chicken breast is when you roast a whole chicken. If you’re buying parts and you buy boneless skinless breast, I don’t know who you are. You are dead to me. At the very least, buy bone-in, skin-on breast. It’s cheaper, too.) Graham messes with her mashed potatoes, which have gone gluey. (To be fair to Jessie, they’ve probably been sitting on the plate for a couple of hours before she finally gets judged.) However, she did make mashed potatoes from red-skin potatoes, which are “waxy” potatoes and DO NOT lend themselves to a good texture when mashed. You want starchy potatoes for that, like russets, if you want them to be fluffy. The judges are not kind. And Jessie earns some Brownie points in my book for fessing up, rather than making excuses. “There’s only 6 of us cooking and you can’t get away with simple. I have no excuse.” I’ve said it before…I think we’ll be seeing Jessie on Food Network soon. She is supremely likeable.

Natasha is next, and she has pheasant breast with risotto, purple cauliflower, and white asparagus. The judges are very impressed. She used sumac as a seasoning for her pheasant. Sumac is the ground seeds of a large flowering plant family that grows all over the world. It is very tart and fruity, and it’s a common spice in Middle Eastern cuisine. (Native Americans steeped sumac seeds in water to make a tart beverage. Sumac is one of the first leaves to burst into color each fall and it grows wild all over the mainland US.)

James is next, and he has duck breast rubbed with togarashi…a Japanese chili powder. He serves it with some “quick kimchee” which probably means he simmered the cabbage briefly in vinegar, rather than allowing it to ferment in a salt water brine. He’s also got ginger scallion rice and oyster mushrooms cooked in duck fat. Sounds divine, and the judges agree.

Bri brings her pigeon up to the judges, and we get a snarky comment from Krissi: “I hope it’s raw inside, cuz I hate her.” I feel like most folks have simmered down on the Krissi attacks recently, but maybe I’m just out of touch. If you follow Krissi on social media, you know that she and Bri are dear friends. This is just more producers posturing contestants against each other in their interviews, and it’s not real. So don’t get mad. Bri has stuffed her pigeon with green apples, beet greens, sage, thyme, and goat cheese, with arugula, mushroom and cauliflower couscous. I would order that on ANY menu over anything else if I saw it there. That sounds incredible. And she pulled it off. Gordon continues to be puzzled about how competent Bri is when she cooks meat. (Though people are speculating that Bri isn’t actually vegetarian based on her previous social media posts about cooking and eating meat…you can read my other blog and related comments on this issue, I don’t have time to get into it now, and it honestly doesn’t matter to me.)

Jordan is next, and his pan seared quail is served stew-style with root vegetables. His quail is almost raw, but he’s not familiar with cooking it. The judges are very upset. And thank you, dear Gordon Ramsay, for suggesting that he should have brined it!

The top 2 dishes of the night are Bri, who celebrates with the line “Winner, winner, pigeon dinner!” *cackle* Against her as the second team captain in the next challenge will be, of course, Natasha.

The bottom 2 dishes belong to Jessie and Jordan…both of whom are VERY strong competitors. And it’s a big shocker to see Jordan get the axe. Lots of folks assumed he’d be the winner from very early in the competition. Graham offers him a chance to stage (“intern”) at his restaurant, and you can tell when Gordon speaks that this was a hard elimination for him. I definitely empathize with the judges. The final elimination decision is not theirs, and they often have to deal with an elimination they don’t feel is just. Though Jordan’s dish probably was the weakest of the day, he’s most certainly one of the strongest cooks in the bunch. Sorry to see you go, Jordan. (He gives mad props to Natasha as he leaves.)

The edit brings us back to the first time we met Jordan during his signature dish round, where we learned that his mom had recently passed away and he’s giving it his all in her memory. Jordan is, in a sense, a perfect MasterChef contestant. He knows a lot and has incredible skill and knowledge. He is confident…but rarely cocky. I predict that Jordan will do exactly what he wants to do with his life: open a dive bar that has 5-star food. Follow Jordan on Facebook and Twitter. And comment below about what you thought of this episode, particularly if you have a fond relationship with one of the game birds that were featured!

And, lucky readers, this is the LAST MasterChef blog I will write. (Perhaps ever?!?) I leave Saturday for my annual pilgrimage “home” to Burning Man, and a subsequent road trip across Idaho and Wyoming and back across the Southwest. I won’t lay eyes upon a television screen for a blessed month, and it can’t come quickly enough. Good luck to whoever wins MasterChef (I know you who are!!!), and I’ll touch base with you all on the final results in late September, but you WILL get plenty of updates from me on Facebook, and more rarely on my blog, during my great adventure to one of the most extraordinary things that happens on planet Earth.

(PLEASE NOTE: This blog contains the maniacal ravings of a Season 2 survivor with [practically] no inside knowledge of how this season was produced. It should be treated as opinion only, and isn’t fit to be read by anyone.)

We’re down to 6…but are we? Apparently, the producers are pulling another surprise comeback, but this one is just bizarre. Each of the judges has invited back one formerly-eliminated contestant. Gordon selects Bri to come back, Joe brings back Lynn, and Graham selects Bime.

This is weird, folks. If I had been a recently eliminated contestant like Eddie, I’d be furious. All 3 of these contestants were eliminated before him, but now THEY get a chance to win back their spot, but HE doesn’t? Of course…that’s assuming that MasterChef is real, which it most certainly is not. It was at this same point last season that I basically threw in the towel of ever being able to watch MasterChef seriously again… These moves remove ALL suspension of disbelief that this is actually a contest. They prove, plain as day, that the producers are completely manipulating the results of the show for dramatic effect.

From one perspective, it’s not fair to allow ANY eliminated contestant to come back. However, the theoretical format of MasterChef isn’t fair at all…the strongest competitor can get eliminated on a single challenge of the only thing (s)he’s weak on, and while (s)he may be stronger in 99% of challenges than ALL the other contestants, a single falter can get them eliminated. That’s not fair to begin with. (The PROPER format for a cooking competition like this is for EVERY contestant to stay the ENTIRE season and participate in EVERY challenge, and the overall winner of the most challenges wins that ‘coveted’ MasterChef trophy. But then there’s no suspense from episode to episode, so you stop watching. So you can thank the short attention span of the American audience for driving reality TV to the engineered elimination format.)

But making this comeback colossally unfair is this subjective selection of 3 contestants, rather than the LAST 3 eliminated.

Now that we’re stuck with this infinitely bizarre choice, I personally think Lynn is the most talented sophisticated cook (perhaps in the whole competition), so I’d be interested in seeing him come back most of all.

The contestants are told they have 5 minutes to shop in the MasterChef pantry, and when they dash back, they discover that the only ingredient in the pantry is eggs. Millions of eggs. And this challenge will be about producing the perfect sunny-side up egg.

To a lot of folks, this would be a terrifying challenge. I mean, even a short order cook at a diner usually doesn’t get it right. To others, this challenge is offensively elementary. (I mean…it’s really, REALLY easy to cook a sunny side up egg once you know how to do it.) My 5 year old nephew can do it.

But my first qualm is with Graham saying, “No burned edges.” Well, eggs don’t really burn unless you’ve got no clue what you’re doing, what he means is, “No browned edges.” This is one of my biggest gripes with the common chef attitude about cooking eggs. Eggs brown up just like meat at proper temperatures. Which means added flavor and texture. I am fed up with sallow, pale omelets and fried eggs. I cook ALL my eggs at high temperature so their surface is crusty and caramelized, and they are INFINITELY more delicious this way than when they are cooked at such low temps that they never brown. However, cooking them with high heat means VERY narrow margins between over-easy and over-hard, so you have to manage your heat and time very well when cooking that way.

Cooking with lower heat that doesn’t brown the egg gives you WAY more wiggle room, and making a sunny side up egg this way is as easy as falling off a log. And the contestants have 15 minutes to cook as many sunny side up eggs as they can, with 12 nonstick skillets and 2 stoves.

The very first egg from my backyard flock, and the lady who laid it.

Let’s chat eggs, shall we? One of my favorite subjects, obviously, as I have 11 chickens living in my back yard. Actually, a proper article on eggs would be an entire book, so let’s just talk about frying eggs. This is the ONLY application in my kitchen that I use a nonstick skillet for. If your cabinets are filled with nonstick skillets, donate them to Goodwill and get those outta there. They’re bad for you, for one. At high temperatures, the nonstick coating begins to break down at the molecular level and release carcinogens into the air. (Enough that it can kill your pet parrot dead in a few seconds.) WebMD and Good Housekeeping tell us, under the authority of a food science professor, that as long as you don’t heat nonstick pans above 500 degrees, you’re fine. Still…I don’t really wanna be cooking on a surface that becomes carcinogenic “only” at a certain temps. ?!? So many years ago, I ditched all my expensive nonstick, except for a single 8″ omelet pan that is used only for cooking eggs. And I never looked back. Nonstick is a HORRIBLE cooking surface, in terms of performance. If you prefer sacrificing flavor for ease of cleaning, you might as well just buy all your food in the frozen section and heat it in the microwave. Ditch your nonstick and fill your cabinets with cast iron, and clad stainless steel pans with copper cores.

To make the perfect sunny side up egg the way the judges want you to, preheat your nonstick pan over medium-low to medium heat (depending on how hot your stove is). When you can feel the warmth coming gently from the surface after a few minutes (or have a surface temp around 275F if you have one of those nifty infra-red thermometers), the pan is ready. Give it a spritz with spray oil, or brush it lightly with melted butter or bacon fat. Crack your eggs into the pan…or for better control, crack them first into a bowl so you can remove any bits of shell and ensure the egg isn’t rotten or with a bloody yolk. (A red spot or flake here and there is fine.) Let the egg bubble gently and keep an eye on the white right around the yolk. Once that white is completely solidified and is no longer translucent, tilt the pan toward your serving plate and gently shake the egg loose and onto the plate. Then salt and pepper and serve.

To make a BETTER sunny side up egg, heat the pan surface to 350F or so. This will give you some caramelization on the bottom of the egg for extra flavor and texture, and the white should cook through in under a minute.

Eggs from my backyard chickens, looking radically different in the pan from storebought eggs

A side note for those of you who are curious…my backyard eggs from my chickens have a white that’s VERY different from commercially available cage-free, organic eggs. (Well,the yolks are also very different.) The white has 2 dramatically distinct parts, the normal “runny” white that spreads out in the pan when you crack it (of which there is VERY little in my eggs), and a layer of VERY thick white that encases the yolk. This white is SO thick that it even forms a layer ON TOP of the yolk as it cooks, so my backyard eggs don’t work well for sunny side up eggs, because there’s still raw white sitting on top of the yolk, and if I cook it long enough for all the white to solidify, the yolks are cooked solid all the way through. I’m assuming this is because I typically eat the eggs the day they are laid, whereas as a storebought egg may be a week or two from being laid, or more. The whites break down and become runnier as the egg ages, but my delicious backyard eggs never sit around for that long before being eaten or gifted to neighbors, friends, and family.

I’ve also noticed quite a difference between the whites and yolks of eggs from the different breeds I have. The Black Australorps lay eggs with almost no runny white at all. (The eggs in this photo are from my Australorps.) While the eggs from the Wyandottes have more runny white and less thick white. The eggs you get at the store are laid by White Leghorns (pronounced “LEG-urns”), if they’re white, or Rhode Island Reds (or sometimes Hampshires), if they’re brown. So eggs from those chickens are the only eggs that the vast majority of Americans are familiar with. But there are HUNDREDS of breeds of chicken, and each lay eggs with their own unique qualities. And chickens which forage for their food lay eggs that differ dramatically by season, based on what their diet is. In a culinary-wise country, like France, they know which breeds and seasons are best for which applications. For example, spring egg yolks from Crevecour hens make the best custard. Whites from fall Faverolles hens are best for making meringue. But in our industrialized food production system, we move toward something called “monoculture” where we only raise 1 variety of something (which has often been selectively bred or genetically modified to maximize production) so other types of chickens, pigs, tomatoes, watermelons, etc. are becoming increasingly rare. Monoculture is bad news. Variety is always best.

The challenge begins and ends rather immediately, and judging begins with Joe throwing away 2 of Lynn’s eggs because they were undercooked. (He throws the entire plate into the garbage, shattering it. That’s not wasteful at all, Joe.) Then he throws away the PROPERLY cooked eggs with br0wned edges…that’s how they’re supposed to be cooked. More broken plates. By the time Joe has finished breaking plates, Lynn has 8 perfect eggs left.

Now it’s time to break some of Bri’s plates, and she ends up with 13. Bime is last, and of his 32 eggs, at least 9 are acceptable, once again bouncing Lynn from the MasterChef kitchen.

Now Bri and Bime will battle to win back their apron by breaking down and cooking 7 portions of Alaskan king salmon, asparagus, and potatoes, and serving them with Hollandaise sauce.

The judges present 2 beautiful salmon that they claim are line-caught off the coast of Alaska and cost $500 each. That’s a pricey salmon! Whole wild king salmon on the west coast usually costs between $12 and $16 a pound, which means this salmon must weigh 30-40 pounds, or it was sorely over-valued!

The challenge ends and the plates are delivered to the remaining 6 MasterChef contestants, plus Joe. We see some shots of fillets with that white stuff squeezed out of the sides. That’s not fat, as most people think. It’s a combination of proteins called “albumin.” The more you cook salmon, the more gets squeezed out. You can minimize this by brining the salmon for 10 minutes…use 1 Tablespoon of kosher salt per cup of water. This technique works for ALL steaky fishes, which all exude albumin, but because most of them have white flesh, it’s less noticeable.

The contestants place their votes for the best salmon, and miraculously, it comes down to 3 for Bri and 3 for Bime. Funny how that ALWAYS works, right? Without fail. It ALWAYS comes down to the last vote in every scenario like this. I mean, those odds are so good, you could bet on them every single time.

The last vote goes to Bri, and she regains her apron to bring the finalist count back up to 7. It’s lovely to see Bri come back…she’s one of my favorites. There is, however, a rumor mill that Bri is actually a hired actress and not a real contestant. (Her social media indicates she’s been friends with upper-level producers BEFORE the show was filmed.) And she’s been working as a pastry chef in LA since the show filmed, and has been offered a job as a pastry chef at Thomas Keller’s legendary NYC artisan bakery Bouchon. Such offers have NEVER been bestowed on an amateur chef from MasterChef before…in fact, such an offer is practically unheard of in ALL of competitive food television, including shows with professional chefs. Which sorta leads me to think that Bri is a professional pastry chef (and her college theatre background is merely how she’s being labeled on the show), and the producers know her well enough to know what a perfect addition she would be to the cast this year. Her character on the show may, in fact, all be an act. Check out her professional acting portfolio shots: http://www.starnow.com/brikozior/photos/2216100/#!photo-2216112

(Thanks to fan Nick Shiraef for finding those. They’re actually great photos, Bri! But certainly nothing like the pale, geeky vegetarian we’re seeing on MasterChef. Some people are saying she’s actually not vegetarian at all, which would explain why she cooks meat so well!)

Again…all this is merely rumor. But more than one MC contestant from previous seasons were beginning to doubt the authenticity of her spot as an actual contestant BEFORE these rumors and Facebook photos started flying around, so it’s certainly not unthinkable. (UPDATE: Bri has sent me a comment via her Facebook account that she would like included here, so you can read her side of the story in the comments below.)

But one thing is certain…Bri’s character on the show is totally adorable, and I’ll be glad to see more of it, whether it actually represents her authentic self or not.

Let me know what you thought of this episode on the comments below, and relish these last few blog posts, because once I hit the road for Burning Man on the 17th, I won’t be watching or blogging about MasterChef until AFTER the show has finished airing, when I get back in late September! Only one blog left until then…

(PLEASE NOTE: The content that follows is entirely from the depraved mind of a MasterChef season 2 survivor. It should be treated, not as fact, but as opinion, only…and probably not a very sound opinion, at that!)

We’re down to 7 for MasterChef season 4. At this point in my season, Christine Corley and Derrick Prince had just been eliminated on the grilled cheese and tomato soup challenge, dropping the number from 8 to 6 in one fell swoop.

Another giant mystery box is sitting up behind the judges, but before it’s raised, Gordon announces that the winner will be publishing their own cookbook. This hadn’t yet been mentioned as a prize thus far in the season…only the cash prize and the “coveted” MasterChef trophy. To me, this indicates that the producers have now decided who is going to win the show. Because they’re not going to publish a cookbook with a winner who they don’t believe can sell a bunch of cookbooks. I remember chatting with the producers after my season aired (in which there was NO cookbook deal for the winner) and they told me what a nightmare it had been to publish the season 1 winner’s cookbook…Whitney Miller’s Modern Hospitality: Simple Recipes with Southern Charm, and that they had no plans of publishing another cookbook unless the winner was incredibly marketable. We all know that Christine Ha, the winner of Season 3, would publish an incredibly marketable cookbook, so the cookbook returned for her season after skipping my season. (And it’s a good cookbook, I love it. Recipes From My Home Kitchen: Asian and American Comfort Food.) Yet there was no announcement of a cookbook in the beginning of this season (at least not that my IPA-soaked brain remembers), so I believe at this point they’ve come to a decision on the probable winner and they believe that person will be able to sell a cookbook. It will be interesting to watch the editing at this point forward.

The box is slowly lifted, and we first see lots and lots of feet. And the box is filled with family members. And the tears are flowing. (All over my keyboard, in fact.) Husbands, wives, children, and parents flock to the contestants’ stations and I can’t tell you what a joy it is to get this gift. After merely 1 week of being without my loved ones during the signature dish challenge, I bawled my eyes out when my partner, my neighbor Sharon, and my old college roomie and partner in crime Monty showed up to cheer me on. The subsequent 7 weeks without any loved ones around was complete and utter hell.

Yet Krissi is in the very back, having witnessed loved ones rushing to the sides of her fellow competitors…but the box is empty and there’s no one for her. Some folks watching the show were probably thinking cruel thoughts at that moment. But Ramsay carries an iPad back to her station where her son has recorded a special message for her. (He couldn’t make the trip out due to standardized testing, and thank GOD the studio didn’t press him to skip that test. Though I have NO love for standardized testing!) Remember, Krissi’s son idolizes Gordon Ramsay and wants to be a chef when he grows up. He sits on the couch with a MASSIVE dog on his lap and assures his mom that the house is still intact, nothing caught fire, and nobody died…he misses her food and he says he’ll see her in the finale. And Krissi is bawling and laughing with that bittersweet mix of emotion that we experience so rarely in adult life. Even Joe is tearing up. I feel like he really admires Krissi and identifies with her…he probably sees something of himself in her son, and something of his mother in Krissi.

The theme of the mystery box is amazing…cook a dish inspired by your loved ones…inspired by home. They can bring up to 15 items back from the MasterChef kitchen and have 1 hour to cook a dish that reminds them of home.

What I would cook depends entirely on who was under that box for me. If it was my partner, there’s no question what it would be. Christian’s Big Chocolate-O. Chocolate ladyfingers, toasted hazelnuts coated in doce de leite (cream caramel…a treat from his childhood in Brazil), espresso chocolate mousse, and shaved dark chocolate. Chocolate is the way to his heart, and I invented this dessert for him on his birthday many years ago. (We celebrate 11 years a week from today.)

My family at my house for Thanksgiving, me on the ground with the nieces and nephews, like always

If my parents were under that box, I’d make beans and cornbread…the staple that my parents raised me on. We were poor, there’s no two ways about it. And beans and cornbread is about the cheapest wholesome meal you can serve your family. We had it several times a week. But to this day, it’s a meal that feeds my soul when I make it, because it reminds me of my childhood and how hard my parents worked to provide their 4 kids with everything they needed to become good humans. Simple, to be sure. Would the judges despise something so simple? Probably. But it would be made with more love in my heart than probably anything else I’ve ever made, and I wouldn’t dare make anything else to pay tribute to the best parents anyone could ever possibly have.

But what if it was my best buds? J-P and Jacques….brothers who I’ve known since I was a kid? Who’ve traveled the world and the oceans with me. (J-P and I once visited all 7 continents together in the span of less than a year.) That’s a no-brainer, too. Benny Breakfast. I’m not sure why they love it so much. It’s simple. But it’s what they ask for on every hangout, regardless of what time it is. Buttermilk pancakes. Eggs scrambled with veggies from the garden. Crispy home fries. And little espresso macchiatos dusted with cinnamon, or “mini Bennies” as they call them. Again…very simple. But it’s the food that connects us as dear friends.

Which of us presents sophisticated restaurant cuisine to our loved ones each night? Food with soul and heart comes from the family dinner table and the humble kitchen, not the bustling, frantic room in the back of a restaurant. Family meals come from recipes handed down through the generations, or recipes conceived yourself based on a loved one’s favorite ingredients. I have NEVER been a fan of “sophisticated” cuisine, because it is soulless. I’m in love with the food served at family tables and from street carts and small family cafes around the world, because this is the food that we identify ourselves and our cultures by. It is the food we prepare and eat to celebrate life with the people we love. A fine dining restaurant can put a flawless plate of food in front of you that looks too pretty to eat, and is perfectly seasoned and expertly prepared…but is it the meal you’ll remember on your death bed? Never. Because food prepared by a chef is, at most, an art form. And you can admire it, and discuss it, and it can blow your mind. But it will never feed your soul. Food prepared with love for someone whom the cook truly cares for transcends mere sustenance or art. It is an act of love, as powerful as sacrifice, as powerful as empathy, even as powerful as the act that creates life itself. That’s why no plate prepared by Thomas Keller or Gordon Ramsay or Grant Achatz or Jose Andres will EVER mean more to you than something your mother or grandmother or spouse or child will cook for you. If we saw more of this on MasterChef, it would truly be a show worth watching.

Time is called and judging begins. This is really a challenge where EVERY dish should be tasted, and the story behind it told, and I’m upset with the producers for not making that logical exception.

Natasha is the first of the 3 selected for tasting. She has prepared a dish heavily influenced by southeast Asian cuisine…a vegetarian dish of coconut rice, roasted corn with shrimp paste, garlic and ginger, and green curry sauce. Joe is impressed with the flavor, and the other judges love it.

Jessie is next, with a gorgeous plate of seared duck breast with blackberry red wine sauce, roasted Brussels sprouts with pancetta, and pecans. The judges are very impressed.

Luca’s is the final dish to be judged, and he has prepared pan-seared halibut wrapped in caul fat, with white asparagus risotto. Caul fat is a thin layer of fatty membrane that encases the internal organs of animals. (Most of the caul fat used in kitchens is from pigs.) It is used to wrap otherwise lean means to keep them moist and flavorful while cooking, and Luca’s use of it with fish is pretty darn brilliant, as it will hold the halibut fillet together and keep it plump and firm. White asparagus is just normal asparagus that is grow in the absence of light, so that its natural pigments don’t develop. In that absence of light, though, the skin on the spears tends to grow very thick and woody, so unlike green asparagus (which should NOT be peeled, despite what the MasterChef judges may tell you), white asparagus should have the woody part of the lower spear peeled, or just use the tops in your dish, and save the bottoms for veggie stock or soup. The judges are very impressed.

The winner is Luca, and his beautiful wife couldn’t look any prouder. Luca heads back to the pantry and discovers that, in the next challenge, everyone will be cooking Japanese food: shrimp and vegetable tempura, a California sushi roll with Alaskan king crab, a variety of sashimi including shrimp, uni (sea urchin roe), ahi, salmon roe, and mackerel.

Sushi is something I haven’t fully explored, simply because living in Dallas, the price I have to pay for sushi-grade fish is prohibitive. I typically only indulge in sushi when I’m in a seaside town, it’s very rare that I eat it in Dallas. This does not mean I don’t like it…it’s easily one of my favorite foods. But while the idea of going out for “cheap tacos” makes my stomach growl, the concept of “cheap sushi” makes me a little green. Sushi is something you spend money on. And it’s REALLY easy to spend a bundle on it. For the record, the best sushi I’ve had was NOT in Japan, but in Seattle…at Nijo. Though if you’d like a kick in the pants and you have Netflix streaming, check out the documentary Jiro Dreams of Sushi, about an ancient sushi master in Japan whose sons are struggling to follow in their father’s foosteps.

Luca’s advantage is that he gets to split the 6 other contestants into teams of 2 who will work together to replicate the sushi plates in tag-team fashion, with one contestant working at a time. (They did this EXACT same challenge in season 3, didn’t they?) Luca pairs up James and Jordan, Natasha and Krissi, and Eddie and Jessie.

Christian Collins climbs down into a blowhole in Hawaii to fetch me a sea urchin

Sushi is primarily about knife skills, as the way you cut the fish will determine its flavor and, more importantly, texture and mouth feel. Though with other sushi items that aren’t filleted, like roe (fish eggs), other things must be taken into account. Uni, or sea urchin roe, comes in dainty orange strips called “corals.” They are incredibly delicate, and Ramsay chastises Jordan for pulling them out of the urchin’s shell with his fingers, rather than the handle of a spoon, and then he sticks them under running water, effectively rinsing away the flavor. Uni is an acquired taste…it’s very astringent and a bit reminiscent of lysol…but in a good sorta way? It’s very hard to describe. I have many fond memories of eating it fresh in Hawaii, caught by the sea-loving Christian Collins who braved blow holes and sharp spines to give me my first taste of just-caught uni.

Another trick for sushi is the preparation of the rice…a short grain rice that must be sticky enough to hold together, but seasoned perfectly with salt and sweetened rice vinegar.

It’s hard to watch this challenge because it’s so chaotic, with so much screaming, so who knows what really happened, but the results are that Natasha and Krissi put up a great plate at the very last minute; James and Jordan are missing components, have under-seasoned tempura, have a beautiful California roll but which is also underseasoned, and haven’t nailed the ebi (shrimp) sushi; and Eddie and Jessie’s uni is not properly cleaned, the fish isn’t cut properly, and the rice has too much vinegar.

Natasha and Krissi are the obvious winners, and will be team captains next week. James and Jordan squeak by on the merits of their fish butchery, leaving Jessie and Jordan on the chopping block. And the judges decide that the weakest link on the team was Eddie, so he gets the axe.

Eddie…the meat man…former NFL player turned accomplished chef. Originally from Texas, so even though he no longer lives here, I still claim him for the Lone Star State. Look at his Wikipedia page to see his impressive list of athletic achievements, which aren’t just limited to football. (He still holds the national college freshman record for track and field high hurdles.) Eddie’s food dream is to open a gastropub, and I can’t wait to eat there. Follow Eddie on Facebook and Twitter, and wish him well in his food future!

Feel free to comment below, especially if you have a particularly precious food memory with loves ones. What would YOU have cooked for the mystery box?