* Rabbi Berel Wein writes: “There is a cynical but unfortunately accurate statement rife in the ranks of diplomats that treaties are made to be broken.” This is true in personal life as well. Anyone who tells you, “I will never lie to you” or “I will never betray you” or “I will always be there for you” is unlikely to live up to such lofty obligations. We have to stand on our own two feet in life and not try to rely on binding people to us in such obligations.

* Rabbi Berel Wein writes: “There is a cynical but unfortunately accurate statement rife in the ranks of diplomats that treaties are made to be broken.” This is true in personal life as well. Anyone who tells you, “I will never lie to you” or “I will never betray you” or “I will always be there for you” is unlikely to live up to such lofty obligations. We have to stand on our own two feet in life and not try to rely on binding people to us in such obligations.

* Rabbi Berel Wein writes: “There is a cynical but unfortunately accurate statement rife in the ranks of diplomats that treaties are made to be broken.” This is true in personal life as well. Anyone who tells you, “I will never lie to you” or “I will never betray you” or “I will always be there for you” is unlikely to live up to such lofty obligations. We have to stand on our own two feet in life and not try to rely on binding people to us in such obligations.

* Rabbi Berel Wein writes: “There is a cynical but unfortunately accurate statement rife in the ranks of diplomats that treaties are made to be broken.” This is true in personal life as well. Anyone who tells you, “I will never lie to you” or “I will never betray you” or “I will always be there for you” is unlikely to live up to such lofty obligations. We have to stand on our own two feet in life and not try to rely on binding people to us in such obligations.

* Rabbi Berel Wein writes: “There is a cynical but unfortunately accurate statement rife in the ranks of diplomats that treaties are made to be broken.” This is true in personal life as well. Anyone who tells you, “I will never lie to you” or “I will never betray you” or “I will always be there for you” is unlikely to live up to such lofty obligations. We have to stand on our own two feet in life and not try to rely on binding people to us in such obligations.

* Rabbi Berel Wein writes: “There is a cynical but unfortunately accurate statement rife in the ranks of diplomats that treaties are made to be broken.” This is true in personal life as well. Anyone who tells you, “I will never lie to you” or “I will never betray you” or “I will always be there for you” is unlikely to live up to such lofty obligations. We have to stand on our own two feet in life and not try to rely on binding people to us in such obligations.

* Rabbi Berel Wein writes: “There is a cynical but unfortunately accurate statement rife in the ranks of diplomats that treaties are made to be broken.” This is true in personal life as well. Anyone who tells you, “I will never lie to you” or “I will never betray you” or “I will always be there for you” is unlikely to live up to such lofty obligations. We have to stand on our own two feet in life and not try to rely on binding people to us in such obligations.

* Rabbi Berel Wein writes: “There is a cynical but unfortunately accurate statement rife in the ranks of diplomats that treaties are made to be broken.” This is true in personal life as well. Anyone who tells you, “I will never lie to you” or “I will never betray you” or “I will always be there for you” is unlikely to live up to such lofty obligations. We have to stand on our own two feet in life and not try to rely on binding people to us in such obligations.

* Rabbi Berel Wein writes: “There is a cynical but unfortunately accurate statement rife in the ranks of diplomats that treaties are made to be broken.” This is true in personal life as well. Anyone who tells you, “I will never lie to you” or “I will never betray you” or “I will always be there for you” is unlikely to live up to such lofty obligations. We have to stand on our own two feet in life and not try to rely on binding people to us in such obligations.

* Rabbi Berel Wein writes: “There is a cynical but unfortunately accurate statement rife in the ranks of diplomats that treaties are made to be broken.” This is true in personal life as well. Anyone who tells you, “I will never lie to you” or “I will never betray you” or “I will always be there for you” is unlikely to live up to such lofty obligations. We have to stand on our own two feet in life and not try to rely on binding people to us in such obligations.

* Rabbi Berel Wein writes: “There is a cynical but unfortunately accurate statement rife in the ranks of diplomats that treaties are made to be broken.” This is true in personal life as well. Anyone who tells you, “I will never lie to you” or “I will never betray you” or “I will always be there for you” is unlikely to live up to such lofty obligations. We have to stand on our own two feet in life and not try to rely on binding people to us in such obligations.

* Rabbi Berel Wein writes: “There is a cynical but unfortunately accurate statement rife in the ranks of diplomats that treaties are made to be broken.” This is true in personal life as well. Anyone who tells you, “I will never lie to you” or “I will never betray you” or “I will always be there for you” is unlikely to live up to such lofty obligations. We have to stand on our own two feet in life and not try to rely on binding people to us in such obligations.

* Rabbi Berel Wein writes: “There is a cynical but unfortunately accurate statement rife in the ranks of diplomats that treaties are made to be broken.” This is true in personal life as well. Anyone who tells you, “I will never lie to you” or “I will never betray you” or “I will always be there for you” is unlikely to live up to such lofty obligations. We have to stand on our own two feet in life and not try to rely on binding people to us in such obligations.

* Rabbi Berel Wein writes: “There is a cynical but unfortunately accurate statement rife in the ranks of diplomats that treaties are made to be broken.” This is true in personal life as well. Anyone who tells you, “I will never lie to you” or “I will never betray you” or “I will always be there for you” is unlikely to live up to such lofty obligations. We have to stand on our own two feet in life and not try to rely on binding people to us in such obligations.

* Rabbi Berel Wein writes: “There is a cynical but unfortunately accurate statement rife in the ranks of diplomats that treaties are made to be broken.” This is true in personal life as well. Anyone who tells you, “I will never lie to you” or “I will never betray you” or “I will always be there for you” is unlikely to live up to such lofty obligations. We have to stand on our own two feet in life and not try to rely on binding people to us in such obligations.

* Rabbi Berel Wein writes: “There is a cynical but unfortunately accurate statement rife in the ranks of diplomats that treaties are made to be broken.” This is true in personal life as well. Anyone who tells you, “I will never lie to you” or “I will never betray you” or “I will always be there for you” is unlikely to live up to such lofty obligations. We have to stand on our own two feet in life and not try to rely on binding people to us in such obligations.

Luke Ford writes: Robert Rickover talks with Belinda Mello, an Alexander Technique teacher in New York City. Belinda discusses ways in which the Technique can help an actor prepare and perform, as well as why the Alexander Technique is a taught at the world’s leading acting schools.

Belinda: “When training, an actor is training his whole self. They’re not just training their body and their voice separately.”

“Relaxation for an actor does not mean lying on the sofa and watching TV. It means being present, alive in all of themselves, but not rushing. That presence means learning to let go of all that unnecessary tension. While letting go of that tension, they become more aware and more open. Alexander Technique gives an actor of process of learning how to be.”

“Alexander Technique is about stimulus and response. The actor wants to embody a whole set of feelings in a situation of conflict. We don’t have theater and film about somebody having a good day. We tend to be under a lot of pressure.

“The actor has to face what most people would rather avoid in their day. So the actor has to learn not to react in that ‘I want to hide’ way. They have to show in their embodiment of the moment a willingness to go for it. Alexander Technique helps an actor not to bring habit on to the set and the stage.

“There’s a performance of a Shakespeare play on the stage in New York. It’s a beautiful production but one of the actors who’s playing the romantic lead, is able to embody the dark troubled aspect of the character in the first half of the play. And we see it in his physicality. His shoulders round forward. His chest sink down.

“The problem is that this is also his way of being so that he is not breathing fully. Later in the play, when his character experiences love and joy, he’s not able to open his heart. So he not only got a bad review but the play got a bad review for not elevating to another place. Alexander Technique would help him embody this extended range.”

Robert: “There’s this old [1939] movie called The Hunchback of Notre Dame with Charles Laughton who played the hunchback. That was a role that required him to contort himself during the performance. He even had to wear a special outfit to do that. He injured himself badly doing that role.”

“Being an actor may require you to take on some unpleasant postural sets. To be able to do it in a way that doesn’t hurt you and doesn’t become habitual for you.”

“A good actor is able to get energy from the audience.”

Belinda: “The audience reinforces that I am in the present, rather than what should I be doing next? When the audience is with you, it’s like having a wonderful partner.”

Luke Ford writes: Robert Rickover talks with Roy Palmer, an Alexander Technique teacher in Bedford, England about ways the Alexander Technique can help with sports performance.

Roy has specialized in working with athletes and writing books about athletics.

Roy: “Alexander Technique is a whole new angle to training. Athletes will take things like nutrition and training seriously but neglect how they move, how they apply themselves to the techniques of their sport.

“I tend to see athletes when they’ve injured themselves. It would be better if we could get them to the Alexander Technique earlier before they have these injuries.

“Alexander lessons are an eye-opener for them. They’ve never considered whether they run efficiently or use themselves efficiently. They’ve usually picked up the sport at an early age and assumed that what they do is the best way they can do it.”

“I always work with them away from their sport to start with. Basic body movements. Your hips articulate from this point. This is where you can move and turn your head. Give them an experience with a different way of moving without the effort they associate with their everyday activities like getting in and out of a chair, standing, bending, walking. You then see them take it into their sports activities and start to notice things they’ve been doing that have not helped such as stiffening the neck and tightening their backs.”

“Often, the golf coach, for instance, won’t see the things we see such as whether the athlete is tightening his jaw, whether he’s lifting his shoulder. They’ll say, ‘My coach told me to relax’, but often people will look at someone collapsing as relaxing.”

Robert: “A golf coach is likely to say something like, ‘Relax your shoulders’, but that instruction is not likely to be useful. If the golfer were able to relax his shoulders at will, he’d be doing it. Telling someone to relax his shoulders is not a useful strategy. They’re likely to interpret that as collapse or to pull the other way. A big advantage of the Alexander Technique is this prevention strategy of seeing a particular pattern and teaching that it is not helping the movement and working out a way the student can say no to this pattern.”

Roy: “However active your sport, you can still think as you perform. Martial artists found they developed extra speed by taking out the unnecessary actions they were bringing. I was doing karate when I discovered the Alexander Technique and I discovered so much more speed. I realized I had been tying myself up in knots before I delivered a punch. It’s the getting set thing. If you can stay free and poised, you don’t have to release that unnecessary tension before you move. My kicks gained power and height as I took the brake off [of unnecessary tension].”

Robert: “Roger Federer, the tennis player, exhibits grace and efficiency. Mohammed Ali, the boxer, in his early days was famous for being agile on his feet. He was often fighting people with more bulk. He could not have been so quick if he had the interfering habits we’ve been talking about.”

Roy: “Federer rarely looks like he’s panicking.”

“I wonder if some of the training methods people use cause them to lose their natural [agility]. Compared to most other male tennis players, Federer is lighter. He doesn’t have the bulk in the arms muscles. Some of that weight training may knock out our natural freedom of movement.

“When you look at these people being interviewed, the top people in every sport seem poised in every way. Such as Michael Johnson, the sprinter. They have this air about them.”

Robert: “How would you work with someone to get them to identify what they’re doing that is getting in their way and how to release that?”

Roy: “I start them in chair work, getting in and out of a chair.”

“Most of us found in our first Alexander session that when we were asked to get out of a chair, we found we did all manner of things. We put our hands on our legs. We pulled our heads back. We pushed forward with our chests. We tightened the lower back. We did all of these things that were completely unnecessary to get out of the chair.

“Working with a sports person who maybe very skilled in a particular sport and bringing them back to something as basic as getting out of a chair to let them see where they are making things harder than they need to be. You can see most of them racing ahead in their minds — what do I do when I’m serving? What do I do when I’m running?”

“If you can get them to stop doing unnecessary things and to give them the experience of almost floating out of a chair, then they start to see the benefits.”

Robert: “One of the telltale signs [of performance limiting habits] is a tendency to tighten the neck as they go into the performance. I know from watching ice skating competitions, from watching the skater’s head-neck-back relationships, and see how that compares to the ratings the skater gets. I find almost universally that the skaters who get marked off, you see excess tension leaking into their neck. There’s a little bit of pulling their head back on their neck. There’s a relationship between that and the quality of the performance. An Alexander Technique teacher can give you a strategy for not doing that.”

“Alexander Technique is a good way of getting into the here and now, the first stage to getting into the zone where everything is so much easier.”

“All athletes know that state of mind is key to peak performance. Watch people who are best at their sport and see what they are not doing. See how free and easy they appear to be in their movement. Ask yourself, do I look like that? Or am I trying to hard? Bruce Lee said that if you’re trying, you’re wasting effort.”

“What do you do when you say you’re going to try harder? Most people will grit their teeth, tighten their necks and furrow their brows.”

“I like to ask most sports people, what was your best performance? Was that difficult or easy? And they all say it was easy. If your best performances feel easy, that’s because you’re not doing half as much as you think you need to.”

Luke Ford writes: Until I read the following by Robert Rickover, I thought craniosacral was just some feel-good massagey thingy while as an Alexander Technique teacher, I was showing people how to take responsibility for their use.

The truth is that many investigators other than Alexander have gained valuable insights into human functioning and have developed effective methods and procedures of their own. We would do well to investigate these with an open mind. We may even want to incorporate some of them into our own teaching – just as Alexander did.

Personally, I have made significant improvements in my use and functioning as a result of my experiences with the Feldenkrais Method, the Tomatis Method, acupuncture and acupressure. Cranial Sacral therapy has taught me more about freeing my neck than years of Alexander training. Others I know have benefited enormously from such widely diverse methods as chiropractic, massage, physical therapy, yoga, Tai Chi, Rolfing and Trager work.

According to Wikipedia: Craniosacral therapy (also called CST, also spelled Cranial Sacral bodywork or therapy) is an alternative medicine therapy used by osteopaths, massage therapists, naturopaths, and chiropractors. A craniosacral therapy session involves the therapist placing their hands on the patient, which they claim allows them to “tune into the craniosacral rhythm”.[1] The practitioner gently works with the spine and the skull and its cranial sutures, diaphragms, and fascia. In this way, the restrictions of nerve passages are said to be eased, the movement of cerebrospinal fluid through the spinal cord is said to be optimized, and misaligned bones are said to be restored to their proper position. Craniosacral therapists use the therapy to treat mental stress, neck and back pain, migraines, TMJ Syndrome, and for chronic pain conditions such as fibromyalgia.[2][3][4] Several studies have reported that there is little scientific support for the underlying theoretical model for which no properly randomized, blinded, and placebo-controlled outcome studies have ever been published.”

Ingrid Bacci is an Alexander Technique teacher in Cortland Manor, New York. She talks here about the Alexander Technique and Craniosacral Therapy.

Ingrid: “The body can hold emotions that are repressed. In Alexander Technique training, I got a tremendous release in my body from physical pain. At the same time, I felt a lot of emotions flooding up. I found craniosacral therapy useful for processing that.”

“My jaw started locking up. While Alexander helped me release tension throughout my body, I couldn’t figure out how to release the vice-like sensation that came into my jaw. I went to a craniosacral therapist and she did some specific things that helped that.”

“Unlike with Alexander Technique, you can go into a semi-hypnotic state in craniosacral therapy. It’s passive. I started flashing back to something I could not recognize. I started crying. When I was finished crying, the pain in my jaw was done.”

Robert: “I encountered craniosacral work at the time I was graduating from a [three-year] Alexander Technique training course. Walter Carrington, the father of my course, was intrigued by craniosacral work and encouraged some of his students to experience it.

“I ended up taking a five-day training in it. I was impressed by the training. I found I could do it but I also found that it bored me and that I was much more interested in receiving it.”

“Over the years, I’ve found it an incredible complement to Alexander work. Not as much on the emotional level, but at getting at deep-rooted patterns.

“What craniosacral can get to that Alexander lessons can’t are these complex fascial patterns. Alexander directions tend to be linear and many of these patterns [are deep and difficult and not easily accessible to Alexander directions].”

Ingrid: “Unwinding, where the complex fascial tissue and muscles [unwind]. It’s learning to talk to the tissues. Why don’t you show me how you want to unwind.”

Robert: “There are certain tension patterns where Alexander Technique works well in releasing them but with other complex [tension] patterns, it’s hard to imagine how you could usefully direct yourself out of them. I’ve become aware through 20 years of craniosacral work of specific tensions that I never noticed before with many years of Alexander teaching. No one ever called them to my attention. They were under the radar of what an Alexander teacher could even notice.”

Ingrid: “I learned through craniosacral therapy that we may not release certain tensions because we’re emotionally committed to them. They are part of the way we hold ourselves in life and they’re bound up with fear or anger or feeling burdened. When you can bring a sense of the emotional quality of that tension to the client, then they can work with it more consciously through Alexander Technique style of direction.”

Robert: “The Alexander Technique shows you how you can take up the space in the world you are entitled to and not scrunch yourself up.”

Hyman George Rickover (January 27, 1900 – July 8, 1986) was a four-star admiral in the United States Navy who directed the original development of naval nuclear propulsion and controlled its operations for three decades as director of Naval Reactors. In addition, he oversaw the development of the Shippingport Atomic Power Station, the world’s first commercial pressurized water reactor used for generating electricity. Rickover is known as the “Father of the Nuclear Navy”, which as of July 2007 had produced 200 nuclear-powered submarines, and 23 nuclear-powered aircraft carriers and cruisers, though many of these U.S. vessels are now decommissioned and others under construction. With his unique personality, political connections, responsibilities, and depth of knowledge regarding naval nuclear propulsion, Rickover became the longest-serving naval officer in U.S. history with 63 years active duty.[1][2][3] Rickover’s substantial legacy of technical achievements includes the United States Navy’s continuing record of zero reactor accidents, as defined by the uncontrolled release of fission products subsequent to reactor core damage.

Luke Ford writes: In a lecture on Deut. 22:1, Dennis Prager said: “I’m very unhappy that you asked that question because it may invalidate a certain community [Orthodox] from buying these tapes and listening to them. Your question, was I taught these things at yeshiva? Some things I was. Most of the things I am conveying to you I was not taught in my traditional upbringing. I’m doing something with this that is very different.”

“When I meet learned Jews who find out that I am teaching the Torah verse by verse, they will say, ‘Oh, so you teach it with Rashi?’ And of course I have studied the Rashi but I don’t teach it from Rashi for while he is invaluable, if I need to learn how to live today, he’s not the best source now. From the filter of my background with these rabbis but living in the modern world, what I am working out is — is this book rationally morally applicable to your lives? It is an original attempt to make that clear. I don’t know of another attempt like this. It is easy to say, he is really arrogant. He thinks he understands the Torah that well to teach that way. I can’t defend against the arrogance. Why would I do this? It’s not for the money. It’s very hard. I wish that I had been taught these things.”

“I am very moved that wherever I go to speak in Jewish life, very often, Orthodox rabbis, Chabad rabbis, will tell me that they use these tapes when they teach Torah. Not to mention Reform and others. That says to me that they know that this comes from a good place.”

“I picked up a lot of it from great scholars. Very often they were Christians who taught me these things… I obviously don’t use the parts where they say, ‘This shows that Christ…’ That’s not my faith.

“Irving Greenberg, an Orthodox rabbi, wrote in his book on Christianity that he has been deeply influenced by Christian thinkers. He said that from an early age, when he read Christian thinkers, when he read ‘Christ’, he substituted ‘God’ and it worked perfectly. I cracked up when I read it because that’s exactly what I do.”

“That’s how I know Judeo-Christian is a legitimate term. I did learn a lot from these [Christian] people who do relate it to life today. I learned things [in yeshiva] that I knew were not going to help me deal with life. Moses was caught by Pharoah and his neck turns to marble when he’s about to be killed. Or the reason that Moses had a speech impediment was that when he was a baby on Pharoah’s lap, they put before him gold and hot coals, and he was about to reach for the gold and give away how brilliant he was, but he reached the hot coals and burned his tongue forever. I don’t mind those stories but they don’t help me understand what the Torah really wants to teach. And those are some of the things I learned at that time. I’m fighting for the belief that this is a divine text.”

In a lecture on Deut. 22:15, Dennis said: “I am versed in the sources like Rashi, Rambam and so on. They have helped shape my understanding but I believe that we need to dust off a lot of the traditional coloring of our view of the Torah to make it understandable for modern men and women. Many Orthodox rabbis get these tapes and have no problem with anything I have said, even though I am not making reference often to Orthodox sources. I’m being as true to the Torah as possible. It almost comes as a relief to many Orthodox Jews that an honest reading of the peshat plain reading of the text without commentary leads you to an elevated view of the Torah.”

“On Deut. 22:16, Rashi says this teaches us that the woman has no permission to speak in the presence of her man, i.e. her husband. What am I going to say? Is this really what the Torah teaches? That a woman in the 21st Century should not speak in front of her husband?”

Luke Ford writes: If your head is tipped back, even half an inch, as opposed to resting on top of your spine in a poised even position, your mobility and sensory awareness will be seriously effected.

There are more joints in your neck than any other part of your body, so when you tip the head back and consequently compress the neck, this act sends layers of compression rippling throughout the body. As a result, movement, speech and breathing becomes more difficult.

This habit, this tradition, this attitude, of tilting the head back and down is unconsciously learned by children in ‘Western’ countries. It is an unconsciously learned ‘mannerism’ and it almost becomes a second nature to people in ‘industrialized’ countries to permanently bear their heads tilted back and down, once they grow to maturity. This ‘mannerism’ is closely related with the use of artefacts while eating. At present, almost everybody in ‘Western’ societies uses forks at the table. Not using them is called ‘uncivilized behavior.’ In case we see somebody eating with his fingers, we get feelings of disgust, or worse. We teach our children to eat with forks, and while we have forgotten that the fork originated as a symbol of distinction we tell our children that it is not hygienic to use fingers instead of forks. In Consuming Passions: The Anthropology of Eating, anthropologist George Armelagos and science-writer Peter Farb draw attention to a physiological and functional anatomical consequence of using forks at the table. They state that gatherers and hunters use their front teeth less as cutting tools than as clamps. The bite of gatherers and hunters, “both today and in the past,” is one where the upper and lower incisors meet edge-to-edge, “like a pair of pincers.”

Thursday, September 22, 2011

There are more joints in the neck than anywhere in the body. A joint means a bone connected to a bone. With all the joints in the neck, it means that if the neck is tight, the body will inevitably be tight.

So what does a free neck mean?

To me, it means that I could come up to you and effortlessly move your head from side to side or up and down.

That’s a free neck. It’s not held or tight. It’s not stuck in some posture.

Some people new to Alexander Technique tell me that when they try to follow the fundamental instructions of “free your neck and think your head forward and up”, they get a sore neck.

That’s because they’re using muscular effort to keep their neck in a certain posture. That’s not Alexander Technique. You simply wish to direct your head forward and up. You’re not supposed to use any muscular effort to do so. It’s an upward orientation, not a physical effort. There’s no reason for your neck to get tired or sore when you follow Alexander directions.

The Bible often condemns the Israelites as a stiff-necked people. A stiff neck is a bad thing from God’s perspective. He wants you to free your neck because everything else in you will free up too.

I don’t use the word “relaxed” because most people interpret that word as an invitation to collapse. I don’t want your head to collapse on to your spine and your torso. I don’t want the neck to shorten and for the head to tip back against the spine. I want a free and easy neck while you wish for your head to release forward and up (the opposite of most people’s habit to tip their head back and down).

Since your website is so comprehensive and otherwise helpful in navigating Jewish LA, I thought I would take a chance and ask you if you know of anything interesting going on at any shul in the valley. I’ve just moved here and would like to find a shul that is orthodox but tolerant, spirited, and not geriatric. Does such a place exist on this side of the hill? Does anyone do a Carlebach minyan, or have you heard of any independent minyanim? It seems to me that there’s basically just Persian shuls in Tarzana, Conservative shuls in Encino, Chabad in Sherman Oaks, and Shaarei Tzedek in Valley Village. I would be so grateful for any leads you could offer me.

Luke says: I think that if you show up to Sharei Tzedek, you’ll find lots of different minyans there and info about other shuls/minyanim outside of that synagogue. It’s probably the best place to go to get a feel for shuls in the Valley.

Luke Ford writes: I’m looking to rent a new place to live and one rental application asked for my savings and checking account numbers and my credit card account numbers.

I did not fill that stuff out. That’s crazy. No way you should give up such information.

Here’s comment online: Fair housing laws are so strict that credit worthiness is almost the only determining factor a landlord can use to qualify an applicant. Unfortunately, bank account numbers are needed because if you default on the rent and the landlord gets a judgement against you for rent or damages they need you bank account numbers to attach them. As for specific credit card info, most applications ask for them, but as a landlord I usually just tell people to write in “see credit report.” That is just left over language from before computers when we actually called credit references. You are probably shocked because you are one of those people who would always pay their rent first and obey the rules. Unfortunately, it’s the price you must pay to insure that your neighbors are the type of people who play by the rules as well. The plus side is that your neighbors were screened by the same criteria and if the landlord is strict in their screening you have a better chance of having nice neighbors. Can you imagine if the let just anybody move in next door to you? Drug dealers get pretty creative in trying to rent apartments. Landlords practically have to be private eyes to legally screen them out.

Luke Ford writes: A few months ago, I was talking to my therapist about what I want out of life.

After I paused, he said to me, “That sounds like eroticized rage.”

Eroticized rage? I’d never even heard of eroticized rage, but I was immediately intrigued.

My therapist said that eroticized rage is anger that’s been sexualized.

I went home and Googled “eroticized rage” and read and realized that all of my sexual fantasies are just forms of anger.

My therapist explained to me that in men this usually develops out of a relationship with an over-controlling mother figure.

My mother had terminal cancer when I was a baby. By the time she finally died when I was four, I had a lot of different mother figures and some of them were probably over-controlling and out of it I developed this hatred of women.

A lot of people in the past have told me that I hated women. That I was a sex addict. I never took them seriously.

Then I read about eroticized rage and realized I had it, realized I hated women, and realized I was a sex addict.

I came back to therapy and said, I have to go to 12-step meetings for sex addiction.

My therapist explained there were basically four such groups.

There is Sexaholics Anonymous. This group is strict. It stands for no pre-marital sex. No masturbation. No extra-marital sex. It is guys struggling to stay faithful to their wives. The group has a strong Christian overtone but in the big cities you will find Orthodox Jews there because it has a similar morality to Orthodox Judaism.

Then there’s Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA). All men. All men who have problems with specific behaviors. They’re addicted to porn or to strippers or to hookers or to chasing underage girls or to exposing themselves to strangers.

There’s Sexual Compulsives Anonymous. It is mainly men having problem with compulsive sexual patterns such as molesting kids or exposing themselves or committing other sex crimes and the like. It’s similar to SAA.

Then there’s Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA). This is men and women dealing with their problems with sex and love in relationships. SLAA is the most relationship-oriented of the 12-step sex addiction programs.

Unlike Sexaholics Anonymous, in Sex Addicts Anonymous and Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous and Sexual Compulsives Anonymous, you set your own bottom line behaviors you want to abstain from. These 12-step program don’t decree to you at the outset that you must give up porn or masturbation or pre-marital sex or strippers or whatever.

Having few healthy boundaries, we become sexually involved with and/or emotionally attached to people without knowing them. Fearing abandonment and loneliness, we stay in and return to painful, destructive relationships, concealing our dependency needs from ourselves and others, growing more isolated and alienated from friends and loved ones, ourselves, and God. Fearing emotional and/or sexual deprivation, we compulsively pursue and involve ourselves in one relationship after another, sometimes having more than one sexual or emotional liaison at a time. We confuse love with neediness, physical and sexual attraction, pity and/or the need to rescue or be rescued. We feel empty and incomplete when we are alone. Even though we fear intimacy and commitment, we continually search for relationships and sexual contacts.

Just loving sex does not make you a sex addict. You’re an addict if you need a fix to get by. So if you’re a guy, you might not be able to get to sleep at night unless you look at porn. Or you might not be able to feel happy unless you are in a sexual relationship. Or you might not be able to relate to attractive women other than trying to get them into bed. Or you might be like me and unable to speak five sentences without straying onto the topic of sex.

If you join a 12-step community, you’ll make friends and it will start to reconfigure your social life. You might find yourself wanting to mainly spend time with people dedicated to recovery rather than addiction. You might find you want to explore other 12-step programs for other addictions in your life such as over-eating or debt or codependency or alcohol or drugs.

Stepping out of a 12-step meeting the other day, I talked to a veteran of these programs. He shared some of my fetishes with how I like women to dress. He said to me, “You know this sex addiction is not our problem. It’s just a symptom of our problem. Our problem is the hole in our soul. Sex addiction is just one of the ways we act out.”

To throw in a Jewish perspective, the addict is somebody who can’t live without God. Many people can live without with God. But the addict has to be connected to God or he will destroy himself pursuing false gods such as sex and love.

I think many people ask the wrong questions about 12-step programs. When I share that I’m going to one for sex addiction, most people say to me, “I don’t think you’re a sex addict.”

I had a former therapist of mine, I saw her for years, tell me as her first reaction to this news, “I don’t think you’re a sex addict.”

Whether or not I am a sex addict is not the relevant question here. The question to ask is — will my life be enhanced by stepping into one of these 12-step programs and working the program?

I am interested in improving my life. I find the honesty in 12 step programs refreshing and almost unique. There aren’t many places where people open up like in a 12 step program. And I think everybody could benefit from working the 12 steps of recovery, and making amends to people you’ve hurt.

Let me give you an analogy. I converted to Orthodox Judaism and yet I am not terribly interested in whether or not every claim that Orthodox Judaism makes is true. I’m not kept awake at night by the Mishna declaring that a man should not talk overmuch with women, including his own wife. I have my doubts that there was a historical Adam and that the world was created 6,000 years ago.

I believe there is divine truth in Orthodox Judaism — more than in any other religion — and I believe that it enhances my life. That’s all I need.

* Deut. 26:11. Another commandment to be happy. How does one interrupt shiva (mourning) for the Sabbath or a Jewish holiday?

* Deut. 26:15. When the Torah describes Israel as a "land flowing with milk and honey", does it mean it literally? If this is just a metaphor, why could not the seven days of creation be just a metaphor? Or Adam and Eve be myths? Or the whole Torah be a metaphor? When the Torah describes the sun standing still so the Israelites can win a great victory (while Moshe has his arms held up), did the sun literally stand still?

* Western civilization is in decay and it starts at the top with the Moral Leader. He might think he's a tzaddik because he has only been with an average of a woman a year for the past 16 years, but when the Moral Leader engages in such nonsense, the gangbanger down the street impregnates a woman a year. It's just like the Vilna Gaon studied Torah 18 hours a day so German rabbis would study for at least four hours a day and Jews in England would still keep the Sabbath. We're defining deviancy down and Western Civilization is collapsing.

The Middle Class can get away with a lot of vices, wrote Adam Smith in the Wealth of Nations in 1776, that would destroy the lower classes.

* I sometimes fear I'll get swallowed up by my shul and lose my independence. I find myself walking, talking and thinking like everyone at my shul. Nothing wrong with that, but will I lose myself?

* Torah narrows the realm for sex. You can't have it in the family or at temple or with animals.

* One of the curses is that you will pay the bride price but another man will enjoy her. It's like spending a lot of money on dinners and entertainments for a young woman only to have another man who's paid out nothing enjoy her.

* If there's no punishment, people won't take you seriously. People respond to incentives. This week's Torah portion lays out incentives. In this world. Unlike the Koran and the New Testament which lays out punishment in the next world.

* Jews have long believed that when they suffer, it is their own fault. This is noble and a way to find meaning in suffering. Much of life is suffering. If you can't find meaning in suffering, there's no meaning in life.

* Deut. 26:11. Another commandment to be happy. How does one interrupt shiva (mourning) for the Sabbath or a Jewish holiday?

* Deut. 26:15. When the Torah describes Israel as a "land flowing with milk and honey", does it mean it literally? If this is just a metaphor, why could not the seven days of creation be just a metaphor? Or Adam and Eve be myths? Or the whole Torah be a metaphor? When the Torah describes the sun standing still so the Israelites can win a great victory (while Moshe has his arms held up), did the sun literally stand still?

* Western civilization is in decay and it starts at the top with the Moral Leader. He might think he's a tzaddik because he has only been with an average of a woman a year for the past 16 years, but when the Moral Leader engages in such nonsense, the gangbanger down the street impregnates a woman a year. It's just like the Vilna Gaon studied Torah 18 hours a day so German rabbis would study for at least four hours a day and Jews in England would still keep the Sabbath. We're defining deviancy down and Western Civilization is collapsing.

The Middle Class can get away with a lot of vices, wrote Adam Smith in the Wealth of Nations in 1776, that would destroy the lower classes.

* I sometimes fear I'll get swallowed up by my shul and lose my independence. I find myself walking, talking and thinking like everyone at my shul. Nothing wrong with that, but will I lose myself?

* Torah narrows the realm for sex. You can't have it in the family or at temple or with animals.

* One of the curses is that you will pay the bride price but another man will enjoy her. It's like spending a lot of money on dinners and entertainments for a young woman only to have another man who's paid out nothing enjoy her.

* If there's no punishment, people won't take you seriously. People respond to incentives. This week's Torah portion lays out incentives. In this world. Unlike the Koran and the New Testament which lays out punishment in the next world.

* Jews have long believed that when they suffer, it is their own fault. This is noble and a way to find meaning in suffering. Much of life is suffering. If you can't find meaning in suffering, there's no meaning in life.

* Deut. 26:11. Another commandment to be happy. How does one interrupt shiva (mourning) for the Sabbath or a Jewish holiday?

* Deut. 26:15. When the Torah describes Israel as a "land flowing with milk and honey", does it mean it literally? If this is just a metaphor, why could not the seven days of creation be just a metaphor? Or Adam and Eve be myths? Or the whole Torah be a metaphor? When the Torah describes the sun standing still so the Israelites can win a great victory (while Moshe has his arms held up), did the sun literally stand still?

* Western civilization is in decay and it starts at the top with the Moral Leader. He might think he's a tzaddik because he has only been with an average of a woman a year for the past 16 years, but when the Moral Leader engages in such nonsense, the gangbanger down the street impregnates a woman a year. It's just like the Vilna Gaon studied Torah 18 hours a day so German rabbis would study for at least four hours a day and Jews in England would still keep the Sabbath. We're defining deviancy down and Western Civilization is collapsing.

The Middle Class can get away with a lot of vices, wrote Adam Smith in the Wealth of Nations in 1776, that would destroy the lower classes.

* I sometimes fear I'll get swallowed up by my shul and lose my independence. I find myself walking, talking and thinking like everyone at my shul. Nothing wrong with that, but will I lose myself?

* Torah narrows the realm for sex. You can't have it in the family or at temple or with animals.

* One of the curses is that you will pay the bride price but another man will enjoy her. It's like spending a lot of money on dinners and entertainments for a young woman only to have another man who's paid out nothing enjoy her.

* If there's no punishment, people won't take you seriously. People respond to incentives. This week's Torah portion lays out incentives. In this world. Unlike the Koran and the New Testament which lays out punishment in the next world.

* Jews have long believed that when they suffer, it is their own fault. This is noble and a way to find meaning in suffering. Much of life is suffering. If you can't find meaning in suffering, there's no meaning in life.

* Deut. 26:11. Another commandment to be happy. How does one interrupt shiva (mourning) for the Sabbath or a Jewish holiday?

* Deut. 26:15. When the Torah describes Israel as a "land flowing with milk and honey", does it mean it literally? If this is just a metaphor, why could not the seven days of creation be just a metaphor? Or Adam and Eve be myths? Or the whole Torah be a metaphor? When the Torah describes the sun standing still so the Israelites can win a great victory (while Moshe has his arms held up), did the sun literally stand still?

* Western civilization is in decay and it starts at the top with the Moral Leader. He might think he's a tzaddik because he has only been with an average of a woman a year for the past 16 years, but when the Moral Leader engages in such nonsense, the gangbanger down the street impregnates a woman a year. It's just like the Vilna Gaon studied Torah 18 hours a day so German rabbis would study for at least four hours a day and Jews in England would still keep the Sabbath. We're defining deviancy down and Western Civilization is collapsing.

The Middle Class can get away with a lot of vices, wrote Adam Smith in the Wealth of Nations in 1776, that would destroy the lower classes.

* I sometimes fear I'll get swallowed up by my shul and lose my independence. I find myself walking, talking and thinking like everyone at my shul. Nothing wrong with that, but will I lose myself?

* Torah narrows the realm for sex. You can't have it in the family or at temple or with animals.

* One of the curses is that you will pay the bride price but another man will enjoy her. It's like spending a lot of money on dinners and entertainments for a young woman only to have another man who's paid out nothing enjoy her.

* If there's no punishment, people won't take you seriously. People respond to incentives. This week's Torah portion lays out incentives. In this world. Unlike the Koran and the New Testament which lays out punishment in the next world.

* Jews have long believed that when they suffer, it is their own fault. This is noble and a way to find meaning in suffering. Much of life is suffering. If you can't find meaning in suffering, there's no meaning in life.

* Deut. 26:11. Another commandment to be happy. How does one interrupt shiva (mourning) for the Sabbath or a Jewish holiday?

* Deut. 26:15. When the Torah describes Israel as a "land flowing with milk and honey", does it mean it literally? If this is just a metaphor, why could not the seven days of creation be just a metaphor? Or Adam and Eve be myths? Or the whole Torah be a metaphor? When the Torah describes the sun standing still so the Israelites can win a great victory (while Moshe has his arms held up), did the sun literally stand still?

* Western civilization is in decay and it starts at the top with the Moral Leader. He might think he's a tzaddik because he has only been with an average of a woman a year for the past 16 years, but when the Moral Leader engages in such nonsense, the gangbanger down the street impregnates a woman a year. It's just like the Vilna Gaon studied Torah 18 hours a day so German rabbis would study for at least four hours a day and Jews in England would still keep the Sabbath. We're defining deviancy down and Western Civilization is collapsing.

The Middle Class can get away with a lot of vices, wrote Adam Smith in the Wealth of Nations in 1776, that would destroy the lower classes.

* I sometimes fear I'll get swallowed up by my shul and lose my independence. I find myself walking, talking and thinking like everyone at my shul. Nothing wrong with that, but will I lose myself?

* Torah narrows the realm for sex. You can't have it in the family or at temple or with animals.

* One of the curses is that you will pay the bride price but another man will enjoy her. It's like spending a lot of money on dinners and entertainments for a young woman only to have another man who's paid out nothing enjoy her.

* If there's no punishment, people won't take you seriously. People respond to incentives. This week's Torah portion lays out incentives. In this world. Unlike the Koran and the New Testament which lays out punishment in the next world.

* Jews have long believed that when they suffer, it is their own fault. This is noble and a way to find meaning in suffering. Much of life is suffering. If you can't find meaning in suffering, there's no meaning in life.

* Deut. 26:11. Another commandment to be happy. How does one interrupt shiva (mourning) for the Sabbath or a Jewish holiday?

* Deut. 26:15. When the Torah describes Israel as a "land flowing with milk and honey", does it mean it literally? If this is just a metaphor, why could not the seven days of creation be just a metaphor? Or Adam and Eve be myths? Or the whole Torah be a metaphor? When the Torah describes the sun standing still so the Israelites can win a great victory (while Moshe has his arms held up), did the sun literally stand still?

* Western civilization is in decay and it starts at the top with the Moral Leader. He might think he's a tzaddik because he has only been with an average of a woman a year for the past 16 years, but when the Moral Leader engages in such nonsense, the gangbanger down the street impregnates a woman a year. It's just like the Vilna Gaon studied Torah 18 hours a day so German rabbis would study for at least four hours a day and Jews in England would still keep the Sabbath. We're defining deviancy down and Western Civilization is collapsing.

The Middle Class can get away with a lot of vices, wrote Adam Smith in the Wealth of Nations in 1776, that would destroy the lower classes.

* I sometimes fear I'll get swallowed up by my shul and lose my independence. I find myself walking, talking and thinking like everyone at my shul. Nothing wrong with that, but will I lose myself?

* Torah narrows the realm for sex. You can't have it in the family or at temple or with animals.

* One of the curses is that you will pay the bride price but another man will enjoy her. It's like spending a lot of money on dinners and entertainments for a young woman only to have another man who's paid out nothing enjoy her.

* If there's no punishment, people won't take you seriously. People respond to incentives. This week's Torah portion lays out incentives. In this world. Unlike the Koran and the New Testament which lays out punishment in the next world.

* Jews have long believed that when they suffer, it is their own fault. This is noble and a way to find meaning in suffering. Much of life is suffering. If you can't find meaning in suffering, there's no meaning in life.

* Deut. 26:11. Another commandment to be happy. How does one interrupt shiva (mourning) for the Sabbath or a Jewish holiday?

* Deut. 26:15. When the Torah describes Israel as a "land flowing with milk and honey", does it mean it literally? If this is just a metaphor, why could not the seven days of creation be just a metaphor? Or Adam and Eve be myths? Or the whole Torah be a metaphor? When the Torah describes the sun standing still so the Israelites can win a great victory (while Moshe has his arms held up), did the sun literally stand still?

About Me

I am an Alexander Technique teacher in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com). I have five books available on Amazon.com. I've been blogging since 1997. I was born in Kurri Kurri, Australia, on May 28, 1966. I have lived in California since May 1977.