Twinkle Khanna: The marvellous Mrs Funnybones

Twinkle Khanna’s sea-facing office at Juhu, Mumbai, offers a sharp contrast to the rain-ensued chaos outside; somehow, her body language seems to be an extension of the calm. Dressed casually in denims and a graphic T-shirt, she greets me with a wide grin; minutes later, we settle down with our cuppas to kick-start the chat. The former actor takes the volley of questions head-on, and now we know what makes the multi-hyphenate a successful writer, and a great one at that—her innate ability to laugh at herself.

How did your handle Mrs Funnybones come about?I trolled people anonymously using the handle. I wasn’t on Twitter for the longest time, but joined the platform at a newspaper editor’s insistence. But, when it came to putting myself out there officially, the name ‘Twinkle Khanna’ was gone; there was someone else by that name. And, I didn’t want to go for ‘The Twinkle Khanna’ or ‘the one and only’; I didn’t have patience to look at other options, and had this handle, so that’s how it came into being. In hindsight, I have broken every bone in my body. I do have funny bones—heels spurs and other strange things happening—it was also a way of making light of something that has caused me trauma in the past.

Considering you are known for your quick wit and sense of humour do you feel a pressure to be funny all the time?Sometimes, especially when I am about to get on stage, and the anchor says, ‘Here comes Mrs Funnybones, and she is going to make you laugh for the next one hour.’ I think—How will I manage? Could I disappear into a hole in the ground? Before an act, I do a yoga routine where I pant, and tell myself that I just have to be myself, and don’t owe anyone anything beyond that. It’s easier for me to be funny than be politically correct, and if I am myself, I manage to make people chuckle a little bit; so far so good, it’s worked. However, I do have moments where I get worked up, thinking, what if I go up there and forget everything that I am supposed to say? What if I have a stroke? To that, my manager once retorted, ‘If you have a stroke, you have other things to worry about than just being funny (giggles).’

The glare of the spotlight is like the sun—sometimes, you will get tanned, sometimes you will get a burn, but you have to take it in your stride: Twinkle Khanna

You are feisty when it comes to expressing your opinion. Is a part of you apprehensive about trolling or you don’t think of it at all? The worry is there, and it’s not that you are going to go out there saying that I am being brave or foolhardy. I know that I have a voice that can amplify someone else’s voice, and I have to use it responsibly. If that means that sometimes I will get some backlash, then so be it. I have to follow my guiding path.

Are the negative comments difficult to deal with? You can’t be in the public eye without being thick-skinned; it’s not possible. The glare of the spotlight is like the sun—sometimes, you will get tanned, sometimes you will get a burn, but you have to take it in your stride.

You once said that you would just keep reading in between shots, and find solace in books since you did not enjoy the filming process. Why did you then continue being a part of the film business?I needed the money; I was growing up in a household with a single parent supporting us, and at a young age felt that I should step in and take on some responsibilities. I remember my mother telling me back then that the time was right to step into Bollywood, and I could delve into whatever else I wished for, later. I did it, and worked hard; never took it lightly. I just did not have the aptitude for the profession, and what it required.

Was there nothing you enjoyed about being on a film set?I read a lot (laughs). Luckily, we didn’t have smartphones because otherwise, even that would have not happened. I got to see a lot of new places, met a number of people; I learnt to laugh at myself because there I would be in the middle of Switzerland dancing with a strange man in all white with his wig shifting, and I still have to take that seriously. The ability to write comes from all sorts of experiences; each of which helps because somewhere in my head, it’s spinning and creating a narrative of its own. So no, I don’t regret it.

People find it unusual that women have a sense of humour..I don’t blame them because when you think about it, men are clowns: Twinkle Khanna

Did the fact that most heroines were used as props in films back then a part of the reason for you to not enjoy shooting?I wasn’t even good at being a prop—not even a good umbrella or a lampshade! So no, I don’t think that was my problem. I just didn’t enjoy it.

Have you never tried to fit in? Or has the understanding of the fact that being different is what sets you apart come with time?I knew I didn’t want to conform to what a woman is supposed to be, and at that time I didn’t think it was my strength. In fact, I took it as a disadvantage as I would lose work for not being able to ‘play the game’, and, for a large part, I was in trouble because of what I said. However, when I started writing, it turned out to be an advantage as my perspective was radically different from anyone else’s. Ever since I was a child, I was reprimanded for speaking my mind, for rebelling, and finally, it paid off, literally in my 40s.

At what point did you realise that writing was your calling?I didn’t plan on becoming a writer; I wanted to become a chartered accountant. Math and accounts were my top subjects. However, I was always a reader; it has defined my life. My mom says I could read when I was three, and my sister couldn’t read until five, a fact I still taunt her about (smiles). I also used to write awful poetry at school, and started writing my first book in my late teens. Even then, I never considered it my calling; it’s just something I liked to do. It’s when I started writing professionally, I felt that there is so much to say that it wasn’t tedious.

Did you consider your exit from films as failure?No, by then I was ready to jump. I don’t look at life as failures, I prefer to look at other opportunities available, and make the most of them. If I had thought of what others are going to say, I would have never written the first column because I already had a flourishing design business, where I was out of the spotlight and happy, there was no judgment like there is in the movies. The fear of failure disappeared after failing in the movies.

He (Akshay Kumar) is a lot more diplomatic, and I am outspoken. You can’t change how one is fundamentally built: Twinkle Khanna

Have you faced a situation wherein people are surprised by the fact that women are funny?People find it unusual that women have a sense of humour. I don’t blame them because when you think about it, men are clowns (laughs); look at what they are doing with the world! I don’t look at people with gender; for a long time I thought I was (what they called back in the day, which is now politically incorrect) ‘a tomboy’ and it was only as I grew up I realised I am not a tomboy, I just have an androgynous mind, and so does everyone else, but it’s a lot of social conditioning that is giving us these gender boxes. Thus, if I am funny, I would have been funny, no matter the gender.

In your opinion, have films evolved since you exited the world?Of course! It’ a cycle; one of the things that has happened is, although detrimental, Hollywood films rake in huge numbers at our box office. As a result, we have to tell good stories since we can’t compete with the effects and the scale. We were telling good stories in the ’60s as well, it’s just the ’80s and ’90s that were terrible, and I was right there at the centre of it all (laughs). Plus, the opportunities today—there are multiple ways of telling a story, and have given so many people a platform.

You seem to be the more straightforward one, while Akshay (Kumar) is diplomatic. Is that true?That’s his inherent personality; he is a lot more diplomatic, and I am outspoken. In fact, it’s not just in public, it is even amongst friends and family. You can’t change how one is fundamentally built.

What has been the most critical feedback that you have received for your work from Akshay considering he is one of the firsts to read it? He behaves like he is Salman Rushdie, and I am nothing! First of all, he has never read a book in his life so I don’t know why he is giving me what he thinks is critical feedback. He points out if I am too verbose or a joke is falling flat. There are other times where he feels I am being terribly offensive, and we will have a morcha outside our house, so asks me to tweak certain lines.

You had said that you aren’t a film buff unless it’s science fiction or features your husband. Which of his films is your favourite? Why?PadMan, because I made it! It is an important film; my job was to find the most effective way of cutting across menstrual taboos, and if you have someone who is idolised by so many people, and you make him hold a pink underwear and a sanitary napkin in their hand, you are doing that more effectively than a thousand commercials.

Trolling is temporary; it will last for three days, after that it’s something else. If you look at the wider picture, it shouldn’t bother you: Twinkle Khanna

By your own admission, growing up, one of your challenges was to be normal. Do you ensure that your children, Aarav and Nitara, get to be that?They are getting as normal an upbringing as they possibly can in today’s times. When I was young, my world was different. Till I was about 10, we had luxury convertibles, after that, by the time I started sixth or seventh grade, I was going cycling, taking rickshaws and trains. Thus, I had a dual perspective of life, which has been invaluable. I have been wanting to do the same for my children; for instance, my son used to cycle to the market to get things for the house, but there is paparazzi everywhere; it’s becoming increasingly difficult. I worry about how dangerous it is if you have a young person who is recognisable; that bothers me more than anything else. This morning, we took our little one to get drenched in the rain at the beach—that is as normal or abnormal I can make my life.

Since today everyone has an opinion, star kids are also not spared from trolling. As a parent, how do you deal with it?This is the world that these children have grown up in; they are naturally attuned to its nuances, and have thicker skins than we had. Also, it’s temporary; you will be trolled, it will last for three days, after that it’s something else. If you look at the wider picture, it shouldn’t bother you.

How important is it for children to have a gender-neutral upbringing? It’s always been important. In fact, because I grew up predominantly in an all-women household, I didn’t even realise that gender was an issue until I was in my 30s. When it comes to my children, I look at them as individuals. My son needs to be aggressive because he is softer in many ways, and I am trying to curb my daughter from becoming a serial killer because that’s her inherent tendency. You have to look at what each child needs, and not their gender.

As an established writer, tell us about your favourite books and authors? I read science fiction every day especially at bed time. The Foundation Series and I Robot by Isaac Asimov; anything by Alice Munro and Ted Chiang; Jumpa Lahiri’s Interpreter of Maladies. Lahiri’s book has a character called Twinkle, which gave me comfort about having the name.

One book you would want to be turned into a film/series.I wanted to make A Man Called Ove into a film myself, and wrote to the publishers as well, but unfortunately they told me that Tom Hanks has already brought the rights, and the film coming out in 2020. I was heartbroken at the news, but I am looking forward to the movie all the same.

What made you dive into interior designing?When I came back to Mumbai after boarding school, my first job was as an assistant to interior designer Harsh Shah. People differentiate between fashion, interior and graphic design, but if you have an interest in design, it’s almost always across the spectrum. When I was thinking of quitting films, this fascinated me and I started working on it. There wasn’t a game plan.

Do you have a design philosophy?I do, in fact, I have a philosophy about everything (laughs). Many years ago, architect Hafeez Contractor said that the foundation has to be strong, and then you accessorise. The lines have to be clean cut and strong, the space plan has to be well defined, and then you add bits of whimsy. I dress and design spaces the same way.

Do you follow Marie Kondo’s school of thought?I don’t! There is some merit to it especially for people who hoard; I don’t do that. However, I did touch a few things and think, do they spark joy? Then I realised that they were members of my family, and even if they were not sparking joy, I had to keep them. I also tried to fold T-shirts such that they stand upright, but I think she is just throwing a Viagra in there, and that’s how they are standing that way. You have to take a little bit of information from everywhere, and form your own method.

Define the decor of your house in one word. Eclectic.

You are soon going to launch your website, Tweak. Tell us about it. I noticed that women were either getting information which was completely aspirational or they were being told about absolutely uninspiring ways of living. There was this void in the middle which no one was filling. For example, if one wants parenting advice, she would have to go to a specific site; if one wanted suggestions on style, there’s another portal for that. I thought of putting it together, and speaking to women with optimism and irreverence. The idea is not to say—if you don’t do this, doom is coming. It’s not. There are multiple ways of doing it, and what we are trying to do is tell you how you can achieve maximum effect with minimum effort. That is our philosophy.

There is some merit to it (Marie Kondo’s school of thought) especially for people who hoard; I don’t do that. You have to take a little bit of information from everywhere, and form your own method: Twinkle Khanna

Why do you think it’s essential in today’s times?I am not inventing the wheel, but the first emperor of China didn’t invent the wheel either. He just made sure that the four wheels had a standardised distance between them to make it more efficient. I am making things more efficient.