Monday, November 11, 2013

GALLUP POLL REPORT 11/11/13

According to a Gallup poll taken over the weekend, Americans are taking issue with a Filipino woman's opinion that the devastation wreaked by Typhoon Hayian was "worse than hell."

A majority of American men polled by Gallup believe that "spending Christmas with the in-laws" was worse than hell, followed closely by "having to watch Grey's Anatomy with my wife every fucking week." For women it was "putting up with my husband's goddamn beer-drinking friends every Sunday during football season" and "my husband's incessant demands for sex," incessant being defined as "once a week." For teenagers, "my laptop freezing while illegally downloading movies" and "forgetting to charge on my iPhone" were equally "totally worse than hell."

Certain regions of America, however, came up with different ideas of what worse than hell. For New Yorkers, "shopping at Fairway in the afternoon" and "hearing garbage trucks at 7:00 in the morning on Saturdays" topped the list. For those who use public transportation on a regular basis, it was "waiting two minutes for the next crosstown."

In Los Angeles, the answers were different. "Traffic jams whenever President Obama is in town fundraising" made it to number one, followed closely by "the bogus weed they sell at those rip-off medical marijuana dispensaries at Venice Beach." Coming in a close third was "those idiot tourists clogging the road where I live near the HOLLYWOOD sign." Said one local who resides within walking distance of the landmark, "They don't know how
good they have it over there in the Philippines. That just lasted a couple of hours. We gotta put up with
this crap all the freaking time."