Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Osho has already moved to His new apartment in Woodlands building. I am seeing Him almost every day, narrating Him all kinds of incidents. He enjoys and laughs and tells me not to take anything seriously.

I narrate to Him how college boys throw flying kisses from the running buses when I am standing at a bus stop. I feel very awkward when people standing in the queue start looking at me as if I am a fool.

He tells me, “If someone is sending you a flying kiss, just stretch your arm and give him flying blessings. What else can you do?”

By and by, I get used to all such incidents. Osho is already very notorious and is known as ‘Sex Guru’ and people think of us as prostitutes.

By now, I have become very strong inside and don’t care a bit about others’ opinions. One morning I am waiting at the platform to catch the train. One so-called gentleman walks towards me and asks me if I would like to be with him tonight. I just tell him, “Sorry, you are too late. I am already engaged.” He takes it seriously and asks, “How about tomorrow?” I reply to him, “Tomorrow never comes.” He can not get the point and utterly confused, walks away.

When I tell this incident to Osho, He really enjoys it and says, “Well done, Jyoti. Just be playful like that and there will be no problem.”

Sunday, August 22, 2010

I am really scared to come to Bombay in orange clothes and Mala. I am working in Bombay Transport Company, a huge organization running buses all over Bombay. Thousands of people are working with me in the main office at Colaba. Whenever I go on leave, I never come back in time.

I don’t face much problem at home. My father takes it easy—may be because I don’t depend on him financially. Somehow I gather courage and go to the office in orange Lunghi and Kurta with a big long Mala around my neck. Whosoever meets me, gives me a surprised look. Many think I have become part of the hippie cult. All my colleagues start asking questions about my orange dress and Mala. My boss becomes angry with me for making all this show business. I feel myself an alien amongst all these friends.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

After wearing this orange dress for two days, I wash it and go to the morning discourse in my ordinary clothes. When He looks at me, I feel He is not happy about my wearing other clothes. There is a question in His look, “What has happened to the orange dress?”

I can’t understand it. How can I wear one dress for all these days?

After discourse, I am called in His room. I am scared as if I have committed some crime and I have to face the judge in the court. I enter in His room like a sheep. He is sitting on a chair with His eyes closed, and I sit on the floor near His feet. I feel relaxed, wrapped in His invisible fragrance. I can’t resist fazing at His radiant face. He opens His eyes and smiles at me. All my fear vanishes away.

He says, “You have to distribute all your other clothes to your friends and wear only orange.” I ask Him, “How can I go to the office in orange dress? People will laugh and think I have gone mad.” He laughs and says, “You are mad. Let people laugh, you can also laugh with them.” Seeing me confused, He says, “It is up to you. You decide whether you want to be a Sannyasin or not.” His voice is strong and He is really serious about Sannyas. He gets up and goes to the bathroom, leaving me in total confusion.

A special meeting is arranged in the evening in His living room, where He explains to us about His Neo-Sannyas movement. I leave the meeting with a heavy heart. I can’t digest this heavy dose. We have to live in our homes, continue our jobs and wear orange clothes and Mala around our neck. It sounds easy but does not seem practical. I am unable to sleep the whole night. When I visualize the whole scene of going to my home and office in orange clothes, my mind simply freaks out.

Lying in my bed, I can see my mind, wrestling with Osho. Finally, my love and trust for Osho wins and realizing its utter failure, my mind calms down and surrenders to the master. I whisper to myself, “Thy will be done, Oh Beloved of my heart.”

Thursday, August 19, 2010

As I come out of the room, I see Chaitanya Bharti standing there with his camera. I ask him if he will take a picture of me with Osho after discourse. He agrees to it. I tell him that after discourse I will go near Osho, where he should be available.

I sit down on the floor in the audience near the podium and close my eyes. I am in an “Aha” space. I have no clue of what is going on. There are about 400 to 500 people sitting in pin drop silence waiting to receive their master. In a couple of minutes I feel Osho’s presence near me and I open my eyes. He is right in front of me, standing with His folded hands, greeting His friends. I look upwards to see His face one more time to quench my unending thirst. He speaks nearly two hours, answering all kinds of questions.

After discourse, I walk towards Him and say, “Osho, I want to have a picture with you.” He immediately agrees to it and I stand next to Him on His right side, and Chaitanya Bharti clicks his camera in seconds. This picture is my real treasure. When I receive it in the mail from Delhi, I take it to show to Osho.

Osho gazes at the picture for a minute and signs it with the message; “One who lets go of everything is a real Sannyasin.”

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Meditation camp at Manali has started. Today, I go to see Osho in my regular clothes. He asks me, “Where is your orange dress? Why have you put it on?” I tell Him, “I will put it tomorrow.”

Next morning, I am dressed in my orange lunghi and kurta and have come to see Him before discourse with my girl friend Veena from Bombay. We both are waiting in the living room with much excitement. After a few minutes, He comes out of the bathroom. His face is very radiant with an aura of light around Him. He greets me with a big smile as I go neat Him to touch His feet. He blesses me placing His hand on my head.

As I get up, He says, “You look good in this dress. Now you are a Sannyasin. What name should be given to you?” He places a huge Mala with big beads around my neck. I am just surprised, not knowing what is going on. I take it all as a joke and simply laugh. He looks at Veena, and the name ‘Jyoti’ slips out of her mouth. Osho likes this name and says, “It is good name but not complete. ‘Dharm Jyoti’ will be the right name for you.” It all happens standing in the living room. That is how I am initiated into Sannyas. Not a big deal. I feel pulled towards Him and hug Him. He receives my hug, showering all His love on me by placing His hand on my head. I feel drowned in utter silence and joy.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Meditation camp will soon be happening in Manali. Today morning, He asks me if I like the orange colour dress of Laxmi. I say, “Yes Osho, it looks good on her.” He says, “It will look good in the meditation camp, the participants wearing the same colour. You get one dress made like Laxmi’s.” He gives the same message to Karuna also. We both agree to it.

Since that message, He has asked us three time if our orange dresses are ready. And our answer is the same, “Not yet.” There is still quite a time until the meditation camp. To my surprise today, I go to see Him and find this big pile of orange cloth sitting in one of the corners of His room. He asks me to cut the piece of cloth for my dress. I feel ashamed for not making my dress in time and giving Him all this trouble. Maybe I was not serious about it, but He looks serious. With the help of a friend, I cut four meters

of cloth for me with shaky hands. Some unknown fear grips me and I am unable to look at Him. He calls me and I sit near His feet, with the bundle of cloth in my lap, looking at the floor.

He blesses me by keeping His hand on my head and says, “Get this dress made exactly in the same pattern as Laxmi’s. It will look good on you.” I look at His mischievously smiling face and get more confused, not understanding what He is up to.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

After the meditation camp at Nargol, Laxmi has started wearing orange color Lunghi and Kurta. Osho has appointed her as secretary and she comes to C.C.I. Chambers at 7:00am. Anyone wanting to see Osho has to take appointment from her. This is beyond my imagination. My mind is not ready to accept this new arrangement.

Everyday I am buying some roses from a blind boy who is selling them in a local train. Before starting dynamic, I am visiting Him in His bedroom to offer the flowers. I ask Osho about this appointment business started by Laxmi.

He laughs and says, “Don’t make it a problem. Just come before Laxmi arrives." I appreciate this great idea of my master and start coming fifteen minutes before Laxmi—and walk straight to His room. I feel it is not only me who wants to see Him, He is also waiting to see me.

Tonight, I heat Him saying in discourse, “The master is like a heavy cloud full of water, showering on those who are thirsty and ready to receive Him in their hearts. The disciple may feel grateful or not, but the master feels grateful towards those who have opened their heart towards Him.”

He further adds, “This has never been said by masters before, but it is so. I am saying it from my own experience.”

My head bows down in gratitude and I can't find any words to thank Him. I know He understands those hearts, which are beating in rhythm with His heart.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Osho has resigned from the university and has moved from Jabalpur to Bombay. He is staying as a guest in a three bedroom apartment at C.C.I.. Chambers which is rented by a friend for Him.

In one of the bedrooms, we– may be eight friends– do dynamic every morning from seven to eight. I am staying in the suburbs of Bombay and it takes me nearly an hour to reach there. One of the friends leads the meditation and the rest of us participate in it.

In the silent period of the meditation Osho comes in the room to see how we are doing today. I am sitting silently in Buddha posture and feel His presence near me.

He places His hand on my head and shakes it and whispers, “Don’t hold, let go.” And something happens. My whole body starts shaking, I start crying loudly. Some block inside is removed by His divine touch. I was never aware that I had suppressed so much inside me. I cry and cry for about half an hour and finally settle in deep silence.

I feel very relaxed and relieved of some invisible burden. A deep cleansing has happened in my psyche which may have taken years for me to do it on my own.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Today is the last day in Pahalgaon. With Osho, sometime it feels the time has

stopped and at other times it feels it is running very fast. While I am busy packing, I hear the voice of this Muslim watchman, who is standing at the door. I ask him to come after an hour to help us carry our luggage to the car. As a token of his services, I give him twenty rupees, which he receives with thanks and leaves.

We are sitting on the verandah with Osho, ready to leave. The watchman comes and salutes Osho saying, "Aleikum Salaam". Osho smiles at him. He asks Osho if he can come to Bombay to serve Him. I can see tears in his eyes. He is deeply touched by Osho's love. Osho blesses him by placing His hand on his head, and asks me if I have given him some money. I tell Osho about giving him twenty rupees. Osho says, "Give him twenty more". Twenty rupees is quite an amount in these days. People hardly give five rupees as baksheesh to their servants. Osho has the heart of an emperor who is always ready to share to the maximum. I give the watchman twenty rupees more. While receiving it he holds my hand and starts crying. It touches me deeply and tears overflow from my eyes also. Thank you beloved master, for giving me this opportunity to open my heart to a stranger.

Maharshi Mahesh Yogi is also in Pahalgaon with a group of Western disciples who have expressed their wish to talk to Osho. A meeting is arranged in the afternoon at an open lawn near a bungalow where Mahesh Yogi is staying with his disciples.

I take my little cassette recorder and join with two more friends in the car in which Osho is going. In nearly ten minutes, the car stops near a bungalow which has a beautiful big lawn in the garden. Lots of chairs are around. Mahesh Yogi is sitting on a chair talking to his disciples, who look very excited as we reach there. Osho namastes everyone with folded hands and sits on the chair next to Mahesh Yogi. I sit next to Osho with my recorder in my lap. There is no mike arrangement. Mahesh Yogi continues talking to his disciples for a while, explaining to them about the different paths leading

towards the same goal. I look at Osho, He is sitting with His eyes closed.

One of the Mahesh Yogi’s disciple expresses his wish to hear Osho. There is pin drop silence for a moment. Osho opens His eyes, I am holding the microphone in my hand for recording His talk. Up till now, I have never heard Osho speaking in English to a group of westerners. May be it is His first talk in English. It is more like a dialogue than a discourse. I hear Him say, “There is no goal, the question of paths does not arise. All paths take you away from yourself. You are simply dreaming…”

Mahesh Yogi’s disciples are conditioned by his teachings about different techniques. They start arguing with Osho. I can see they are not open and receptive, their minds are full of borrowed ideas. Still, Osho is answering their stupid questions for about an hour. Maharshi Mahesh Yogi looks very disturbed. Osho can destroy his whole business which is based on teaching people transcendental meditation. He does not allow Osho to finish His talk and interferes by trying to explain to his disciples that Osho’s approach is different but He means the same thing. I am simply surprised by his stupidity. He is trying to protect himself by compromising with what Osho has said.

I feel sorry for those innocent western friends, who look in total confusion when we are leaving.

Every day lunch and dinner is sent in a tiffin for Osho and Kranti. After they finish their meal, I find lots of food is left over for Sheelu and me. We both enjoy eating the leftover food and feel happy for not having to go to the kitchen.

Today a bus is arranged to take every one for sight seeing. I am reluctant to go anywhere and not interested at all in sight seeing. My whole interest is to be with Osho. Some friends get annoyed with me. I don’t understand it. I feel it is my choice and freedom to go or not. But they are determined to take me with them and start arguing.

Suddenly Osho comes out of the room and finding what is going on tells the friends to leave me alone. The friends become silent and everyone starts getting in the bus which is waiting there.

I have tears in my eyes. Osho looks at me and laughs which makes me laugh also.