It’s been a long time, folks. I can honestly say that all of us here at forks_it have been slacking. Yep, that’s our excuse. We’re lazy and distracted and half the time, we feel that everything we could wank already wanked itself, so why bother. But donut fear, I have found something for you guys.

But those reactions aren’t really why I’m writing this. While most everyone accepted this news as truth, there are some in this fandom that felt otherwise. Apparently, The Hollywood Reporter is essentially a gossip site, according to the HisGoldenEyes.com twitter:

Yes, you read that correctly. HGE just labeled The Hollywood Reporter a gossip site, filled with no-good-celebrity-stalking paparazzi. Nevermind the fact that it’s actually an Entertainment NEWS source and is actually reputable in the media world, oh no; it looks like the only real Twilight news has to come directly out of fan websites.

IS THIS REAL LIFE?

HGE insisted that this was just a rumor until confirmed by Summit. Okay, maybe I can understand this. There have been rumors in the past that in the end, were just rumors. Like all those “Robert hooked up with Paris” or ‘Kristen is having Robert’s baby” stories. Life & Style is obviously trying to get into Summit’s good graces and be apart of their team….

Ohhhhh, HisGoldenEyes.com. I applaud your efforts, I really do. It has to be hard only being a fansite and never have anything you update get posted onto Summit’s official news page. But keep trying. Your confidence in yourself will definitely help you become the new Twilight Lexicon.

Here's a secret for you. We at forks_it have been waiting so patiently for the day when one of us steps over the line and finally becomes fodder for someone's hate secret in graphic form. And we have! Look at that beauty!

But it's all wrong. This isn't a secret condemning our investigatory efforts and our mocking ways. (Should we mock harder? Are we not sarcastic enough?) Apparently we never make fun of our own wank!

See some wank around the net and want us to take a look? Comment here. Remember, this has got to be like “O.M.G. what are they doing/why are they doing/how can they do/get their heads out of their ass/LOLWTF/argh I can’t take it anymore” kinda wank. Doesn’t have to be all those at the same time, though, ok? :P

THE ED(WARD)ITORIAL PAGE"SHE LOOKS DEAD INSIDE."Oregano isn't the right flavor for ~some~.

If there's one thing I cannot stand, it's this. Here, the word "this" means the insanity rpattz_kstew has spawned and validated by existing, despite many efforts by mods to quell the crazy.

Let's explore "this."

Kristen Stewart and her long-time boyfriend Michael Angarano were spotted this afternoon taking her dog to the hospital. To any normal person, this means nothing.

To fans who 100% believe that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are soulmates who truly belong together and that Angarano is an ugly parasite, this means whatever the hell they can construe it as to back up a secret love affair.

xxlivingx50xx writes that Kristen and her poor harmless soul "looks 5 different kinds of miserable and she looks dead inside."

But wait! Not only is Kristen depressingly unhappy in her relationship that virtually nobody has any actual insight into, but her fans are convinced they can predict her future. Really.

shedburn even calls poor Mikey a parasite. How dare he be out with his girlfriend, you know? Support her while her dog is sick/through a pinnacle in her career? How dare he?

The truth is, I'm not upset. I'm just scared. Because underneath the name-calling, the over-involved prophecies for these poor actors' love lives, and the constant comparison between RPattz and Oregano, there is something frightening going on here.

They are being serious. They are emotionally involved in this nonexistent relationship.

But stewpatty wants everyone to look on the bright side:"1. They definitely don't look in love2. Kristen looks like shit. Not that in itself is a good thing but, she's not holding his hand.3. They're not kissing.4. They're not coming out of a party.6. She looks pissed, like, "I had to freakin' call YOU".81. MA looks pissy as well."

You’ve no doubt been living under a rock if you haven’t noticed the latest craze sweeping the Twilight fandom off its collective, virtual feet.

It’s invaded icons, journals, comments, and pretty much every recommendation post you can find. In fact, some users complain they can’t even open up lion_lamb anymore without seeing some odd reference to a unicorn or cookie.

That’s right, Wide Awake is like the sexually transmitted disease of the Twilight fandom and unfortunately, no one had found a cure yet.

Who, pray tell, is to blame for the irresponsible spread of this STD?

Well, readers, the origin of this craze can be traced back to what seemed at the time to be an innocent recommendation made by lion_lamb mod, _transformed. Although her flist steadfastly blames her for what is widely referred to as the ‘WA Problem’, there are extenuating circumstances which have added to the phenomenon that should be taken into consideration before we lay this all on her.

I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but there is a strange quality that Twilight fans seem to possess almost universally: the ability to obsess. Granted, usually this unique talent is focused more on one Robert Pattinson, but occasionally, Twilighters turn their sights towards something else and for some godforsaken reason, they’ve chosen this particular fanfiction.

Now, I’m not asking you to denounce Wide Awake as the worst thing ever written in the Twilight fandom, because clearly, we all have come across more painful things. What I am asking you, is that please for the love of all that is holy in the world, stop spamming every Twilight post you can with obscure references to this fic because believe or not, some of us in the fandom really don’t care about this fanfic nor will we ever be compelled to.

So put away your icons and keep your comments about unicorns to yourself because on behalf of the fandom who didn’t like/aren’t interested in Wide Awake, WE ARE SO SICK OF IT.

THE ED(WARD)ITORIAL PAGEPIRACY IS WRONG.But only if you get caught.If you think you're going to find the Twilight movie online, you're dead wrong.

Trust me, because I've totally not spent all day looking for it, instead of doing of my homework.

I've tried everything. YouTube, which is usually reliable, is full of videos for outside links which ~do not work~ and probably contain viruses. Or, my favorite, videos upon videos which feature one fooling still of the movie and the silent laughter of the dick who uploaded it ~thinking they were being funny~. (You are not funny, just a dick.)

None of my trusty movie sites have it. In a moment of desperation, I entered the world of questionable torrents, but only found more fakes. (STAY AWAY FROM CODECS PEOPLE. They are the STDs of the internet.)

In a last attempt, I checked those sketchy Japanese video sites that seem to always have everything. You know, the ones that those trusty movie and TV show sites link to.

NOTHING. The internet is as virginal as Eddie, and I? I am disappointed.

Out of the THOUSANDS of theaters Twilight opened in, not ONE person with loose morals was able to catch it on a handheld?

Not one? I don't believe it.

There's a deeper issue here--a deeper issue in which it's my prerogative as an editor and a reporter to address.

I know Stephenie Meyer is a cunt and took away Midnight Sun from us, but that does NOT mean if we discreetly share Twilight between all of us, she will take it away too! She can't, Twilighters! She can't because it's already out!

I know you're afraid. I understand, but don't let the bitch take away our joy. DON'T LET HER TAKE AWAY THE JOY OF PIRACY. FOR THE LOVE OF LIONS AND LAMBS AND ICKLE WOLVES DO NOT LET HER.

That said, if you know where one would hypothetically be able to hypothetically watch and/or download Twilight online, please comment with the phrase "Twilight is like anal sex--if you only do it once you won't enjoy it" somewhere in your response so I know and can therefore watch it investigate if it is real and report it to the proper authorities (see: Twilight Lexicon) because piracy is wrong.

~a movie review~TWILIGHT KILLSaka robert pattinson is like sooooooooooo hot.There was excitement, confusion and a little bit of fear in the air last night as millions of vampire- and werewolf-starved fanatics filled sold-out theaters across the country to see Twilight, the first (and sadly not the only) installment of SMeyer's cult vampire novel on the big screen.