“Sony announces they are no longer jerks, will release Spider-Man rights to Marvel”

Back when Marvel made comics and only comics, it went ahead and sold its most valuable properties to anyone that would buy them. Fox got the Fantastic Four and X-Men, and Sony stole Spider-Man. After three films, Sony held on to Spider-Man, even after Disney/Marvel attempted negotiations to include Spidey in the biggest superhero crossover event ever. It even went further and rebooted its property to function as competition for Disney/Marvel, even going so far as to stamp a release date for a sequel, which is tentatively titled Amazing Spider-Man 2: He’s Still Technically Ours.

“Chris Brown to get in a bathtub full of scissors for women’s charity”

To borrow a line from the comedian who famously got Chris Brown to remove his Twitter account, “Call me old fashioned, but shouldn’t Chris Brown be in jail?” We can do you one better. Chris Brown apologizes for his horrific behavior, and proceeds to crawl into a bathtub filled with scissors and lemon juice. All profits from the event (there WILL be tickets sold) would be donated to women’s shelters across the globe.

“Three-time Oscar winner Meryl Streep to join Mockingjay cast”

The Hunger Games film series is no stranger to Oscar nominated and Oscar winning actors in their midst. Factions of fans have started online petitions to get Streep to play the integral role of President Coin, and we have the tendency to respond to such speculation with a calm, cool and collected round of “OMG YESSSSS.” Nothing could make us happier than if the record-proven “best actor to exist ever” were to come on board to help wrap up the series.

“Merlin to be renewed for sixth series, producers apologize for ruining everyone’s lives”

We’re celebrating a Month of Merlin here at Hypable, but the cause for our celebration is bittersweet. In a surprise move by the producers, fans were informed that series 5 would be Merlin‘s very last. With dozens of loose ends to tie up, only one solution makes sense: Dozens of new episodes to fulfill the fandom’s last requests.

“J.K. Rowling agrees to pen Hogwarts, A History“

We’re not talking about a 60-page Quidditch Through The Ages exercise in brevity. We want 1,000 yellowing pages of historical glory, ranging from subjects like how Hogwarts survived the goblin rebellion, to a detailed and definitive map of the castle. Really, any return to Hogwarts would be met with open arms, but if we had the opportunity to put Hogwarts, A History on our shelves, we would fork over a month’s worth of galleons in an instant.

“Every 3D projector in the world breaks at once, 3D films rendered obsolete”

Unless a portion of your movie involves Ryan Gosling stepping out of the screen to invite an audience member to join his romantic love triangle, 3D has no place in the art of storytelling. We don’t want to get ourselves into any legal trouble here, but if a pseudo-terrorist group had hatched a plot to fill every 3D projector on Earth with strawberry jam to stop studios from launching blatant money-grabbing techniques, we might donate the three dollars we would have spent on those annoying glasses to their cause instead.

“Spice Girls and N*SYNC to go on worldwide SYNC and Spice and Everything Nice tour”

Although both sets of groups have vehemently rejected the idea of a comeback, a touring show starring both sets of entertainers would have enough mass appeal to ensure that at least fifty percent of humans on the planet would buy a ticket.

“Emma Stone to star in Lucille Ball biopic Lucy“

This isn’t necessarily fandom based, but this bombshell actress has gained enough of a following to earn a fandom devoted just to her. Actors and actresses are recruited all the time to portray other famous people, and we can’t imagine anyone else with the humor, the class, and the chops to be able to take up the role. Bigwig studio producers everywhere, get on board with this before someone else does.

“Sherlock series 3 to premiere tomorrow, episodes to double in length”

Each episode of Sherlock already clocks in at just under the length of an average movie, but what if every episode was the length of the average Peter Jackson outing? What if these episodes were premiering tomorrow? Twice the Cumberbatch, twice the mystery, and all of it happening tomorrow. In true Sherlock fashion, that whole “delayed” move was a ruse to put fans off of the scent. If only.

“Disney buys rights to Firefly, proves that dreams can come true”

With the surprising news that Disney had resurrected Star Wars from the dead, it wouldn’t be altogether surprising to see that it is capable of granting wishes made upon a star. Yes, two of the show’s main players are currently involved in their own series, but that shouldn’t stop the magic makers over at Disney studios from bringing back the ‘verse that we fell in love with back in ’03.

Which headlines do you REALLY want to see in 2013? Write your own in the comments!

RussellTurner

MERYL STREEP FOR PRESIDENT COIN!!!

Gary65

YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sorry but nothing would be wore if they type-casted Sigourney Weaver for Coin.

Elphaba Thropp

“Chris Brown to get in a bathtub full of scissors for women’s charity”

For some reason I read that as Charlie Brown.

I was shocked for about two seconds before I re-read it.

Charles Brown

I saw the exact same thing. very confused

http://twitter.com/AntaraC Antara Chowdhury

YES. Yes to all of these.

Sadly, the only one of these that has even the slightest chance of happening is Emma Stone starring in a Lucille Ball biopic. And maaaybe Meryl Streep joining the Mockingjay cast. But the other ones? Not a chance in hell.

Matthew Goldenberg

“George Lucas found dead in his home after planned rerererererelease of the original trilogy, including a revised cantina scene in which Greedo shoots first and then Han and Greedo hug it out like bros. Fandom rejoices.”

I never knew I wanted Emma Stone to star in a Lucille Ball biopic until now. My life won’t be complete until this happens.

d3erudite

“Chris Brown to get in a bathtub full of scissors for women’s charity”

If only that were true

http://www.youtube.com/mapthestars Mapthestars

I hope Sony DOESN’T give up there rights to spider man. And in all likeliness they wont thankfully.

theaterboy1

I’d love to see Meryl Streep as President Coin, I’d be first in line to see The Spice Girls and N*Sync, and Emma Stone as Lucille Ball would be the best casting EVER!!

Daughter of Eve

The scissors Chris Brown gets into should be an assortment of tetanus laden blunt scissors as well as sharp tetanus laden scissors.

http://twitter.com/notenoughpuff Sarah

I’ve never seen Merlin or Firefly, but I would be overjoyed at ANY of the others.

The first two especially. =)

Jules

Both Firefly and Merlin are on Netflix and I recommend Firefly especially.

ravenclaw1991

I recommend Merlin. It might ruin your life, but its worth it.

WhatTheGrace

“Every 3D projector in the world breaks at once, 3D films rendered obsolete”
I 100% agree! 4 FOR YOU JAMES BEAN!! You go James Bean!!!!

HobbitHaley123

And none for James Cameron!

Alex

COMMUNITY BRINGS BACK DAN HARMON
That’s what I want to see…

GoodFinder

I saw the tag line for this, and was like “OMG YESSSSS” Then I read that everyone else apparently says the same thing.

http://twitter.com/akacj7 Caroline J.

only 2 of firefly’s main character have regular tv roles? um, how about 4. castle, suburgatory, homeland, the l.a. complex.

Musician

I keep waiting for Alan Tudyk’s character to tell George, “Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!”

http://twitter.com/emilyecstasyTM Emily Bryan

I can get behind the majority of this, especially Hogwarts, A History :D

hpboy13

I’m still trying to decide whether I want Meryl Streep or Imelda Staunton as President Coin, but either one would make my day! And I agree with all of the above headlines (well, I don’t watch Sherlock, but everything else).

Gary65

Imelda would be good(better than Sigourney Weaver anyway) but I can’t look at her without thinking Umbridge so I dunno.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=17127641 Laura Jurgensmeyer

Seriously. On fire, Hypable. This week has been full of awesome articles. Love it! If JK Rowling announced she was going to write Hogwarts, A History, I would probably cry.

Allison L.

I just really freaked out because I thought these were real! talk about heart broken. haha

Kristina

Am I the only one who pictured Anjelica Huston as Coin?

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045615098 Riana-Tiana Menezes

Yup. I feel she looks too evil to play Coin. (if that makes any sense)
Coins needs to look like a friend to Katniss but at the same time have a secret agenda and I think Meryl Streep will portray that character excellently.

http://www.katepawsonstuder.com/ Kate Pawson Studer

Yes, this!

http://twitter.com/fluflu44 Mandy Brennan

YES to *NSYNC!!!!!!!

VideoKilledSeverusSnape

‘Sync and spice and everything nice’ YES!!!

RickCastle45

Star Wars was not dead… I completely resent that in your post…..

Sabrina

In class the other day we were all talking about the Star Wars reboot and suddenly my teacher goes, “You know if they we’re smart, they’d make more Serenity, not Star Wars.”

I said, “YES,” extremely loudly, causing everyone to look at me and my teacher to ask if I was a Firefly fan. And that’s how my teacher and I abandoned the rest of the class and spent the rest of the hour talking about how Firefly was wrongfully cancelled.

Jessica Lancaster

Oooh, I want “Hogwarts, a History”! Isn’t it supposed to be about 1,000 pages? That would be a-okay with me.

I’d love to see Spider-Man in with The Avengers, but I don’t see Sony agreeing to that…I mean, why should they? It’s a corporation; it exists to make money, not make fans happy.

http://www.hypable.com/ Louie Schuth

Until someone else is cast, Kathy Bates is my President Coin.

http://hypable.com John Thrasher

‘SYNC and Spice and Everything Nice???? I die.

Ande Anderson

I think Streep would be a good coin, but I’ve been rooting for Maggie Smith for the longest time. I would be happy with either one, but overjoyed if it was Maggie!

Yes, Spiderman should be part of the Avengers.

Yes, I want Hogwarts a History.

Get rid of 3D.

Ande Anderson

Oh, and my own headline, “NBC decides to revive Heroes. Fans WILL get an ending!”

That last one made me spit out my cereal lol. They sound really good. Although, I pictured either Kathy Bates or Sigourney Weaver as Coin.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1297260009 Elise Hammond

Kathy Bates was exactly what I pictured too!

http://twitter.com/blastdragon Bert van Meeteren

If there will be a “Hogwarts, a History”-book then a whole site the size of Wikipedia would be needed. There are no books big enough to fit all the history and lore of Hogwarts in it.

Gary65

Headline of the year for me: “Emma Stone & Jennifer Lawrence get cast in the same movie.”

I would literally keel over dead in the theatre from happiness.

http://twitter.com/Tygridia Tygridia

the interviews would be hilarious! kjdbvhdv

Gary65

If Spiderman was in the Avengers, all the Marvel-version-of-Twihards would go apeshit. They would actually kill people. Def not a good idea.

Liderc

Why? Spider-Man is Marvel. They’d welcome him.

Gary65

So is X-Men. That doesn’t make them all members of the Avengers. Based on the current Roster, this is classic Avengers(i.e. 60s & 70s). Spiderman is not a classic Avenger.

sammylovegood

hey, an avenger is an avenger amirite?

Gary65

You do realize there are 129(and counting) members of the Avengers in the comics, right(and that’s not counting the people who tried to infiltrate the team and weren’t real Avengers)?

http://twitter.com/vonchambers Devon Chambers

Emma Stone as Lucille? lol no – absolutely not, we’ve already had two miserable biographical made for tv movies and one of them was by their kids, it just won’t work. I love Emma but I’m a bigger Lucy fan.

Jessica

“Community to Get Six Seasons…and a Movie!”

“Fox Issues Public Apology for Canceling Arrested Development in 2006, Cancels Glee as Compensation”

“The Fault in Our Stars casts its two Leads: Unknown 16 year olds _____ and _____”

“Amy Poehler and Tina Fey Rocked Golden Globes, Will Now Host Every Awards Show Ever”

http://twitter.com/Dillon_Mays Dillon Mays

They can’t cancel Glee, but how about American Idol and X Factor.

luc hooper

Spiderman should be in the sequal but played as the old actor not the new one

http://www.eigakanthemovietheater.blogspot.com Jenny Leigh

Hey, you know not all 3D movies suck, it’s just the post-converted ones that do!

http://twitter.com/Tygridia Tygridia

And the ones made just for the 3D effect without a plot…

http://www.eigakanthemovietheater.blogspot.com Jenny Leigh

Yeah sure, but there are also a lot of movies just made without a plot.

http://twitter.com/Tygridia Tygridia

Good point… Transformers 4, for instance.

http://www.facebook.com/JesseB.72 Jesse Barrow

“the amazing spiderman 2 he’s still technically ours” is hilarious…

GinnyWeasley002

4 and 5…OHMYGOSH, yes!

ravenclaw1991

I want Merlin series 6, Hogwarts A History and Sherlock series 3 tomorrow with double the length.

http://twitter.com/Tygridia Tygridia

“Three-time Oscar winner Meryl Streep to join Mockingjaycast” OMG, she would be perfect!!!

http://twitter.com/chaoticgirlie Candice W.

An *NSYNC/Spice Girls reunion in addition to new BSB stuff with Kevin all happening in 2013 would make my LIFE. Along with Spidey being in the Avengers.

http://twitter.com/eiVega eiVega

I love my 3D tv and I loved working on a 3D animated short. If people don’t enjoy 3D there are still other options for them but to destroy all 3D out there is cruel to the rest of us who actually like it!!

morgen71

I want that 1,000 page Hogwarts, a History as much as I want a Maurauders prequel. And that Sherlock one… oh if only you were right James. And also “every 3D projector in the world breaks,” IF ONLY, JAMES, IF ONLY.

Julie L

SYNC AND SPICE AND EVERYTHING NICE
I think my life would finally be complete.

NerdHerder313

“Fans! Your cries have been heard! Chuck VS. The Movie is officially a Go!”

CarmelCorn24

I want Spiderman with Avengers sooo bad! Come on SOny, don’t be a douche. They would make so much money if they let him go w/ them. Everyone wants to see it, and he was in the comics Avengers so MAKE IT HAPPEN! please…

http://twitter.com/NatashaPeartree Natasha Pereira

OMG ALL OF THESE ARE PERFECT!!!!!!! James Bean is my hero.

http://twitter.com/dreamfall31 Kevin Slechta

The headline for the 3D projectors should be “Every 3D Lens in the world breaks at once”. All 3D projectors are just normal projectors equipped with a special lens. If all 3D projectors broke, then the movie theater industry would pretty much be gone.

Andrew Garfield playing Spider-Man in The Avengers would be PERFECT!!!! Oh god.

Hazel Vera

YES. DOWN WITH 3D movies!!! Not only are they not worth it but they cost SO MUCH MORE!

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