Trump Travel Ban Prevents Second Coming of Jesus

Reports from the Vatican announced recently that the Second Coming of Jesus Christ was originally planned for this Easter Sunday April 16, 2017.

“We were all very excited to meet the Lord in the flesh,” announced Pope Francis, whose smile was ear-to-ear under his funny little hat.

But the intended Second Coming has hit a roadblock in the form of President Trump’s travel ban. It seems that Jesus Christ will be denied entry into the world, which is run by the United States, because of his Palestinian heritage.

Middle Eastern people have, since the implementation of the travel ban, expressed their outrage toward the ban for seemingly targeting Muslims. So, the move by the administration to prevent the coming of the decidedly not-Muslim Jesus Christ comes as a shock to these protestors.

When asked for comment, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer had this to say:

“The President, um, stands firm in his c-convictions that suspicious persons will not be allowed into the country for reasons of uhhh, national security. I mean, this guy can turn water into wine. WINE! Do you want him around to endanger your children with underage drinking? No one has the book on this guy. NO ONE! We cannot allow him to come here.”

The President, never one to be satisfied with the inconclusive bullshit statements of his Press Secretary, tweeted this in response to the outrage felt among Christians, “Mr. Christ (if that is his real name) is from Palestine. He could be in Hezbollah. We’re going to find out.”

While the President’s tweet teems with inaccuracy and racism, that hasn’t stopped a mass support for blocking the second coming. Anti-immigrant and anti-refugee movements fully support the decision to block Christ’s return to Earth. It seems the Trump Administration has once again found a way to screw over the very people that put that administration in power.