Fathers

We need to be having the type of conversation that we are happy to have on our blogs and in forums and Facebook groups in the big wide world face to face with people. More than that though do we need to talk to people who are not already on our wave length, we need to stop preaching to the converted and start preaching to the masses.

My husband or I will phone ahead, tell them the kids have Coeliac Disease and ask if they have gluten free choices on the menu, they say yes, we tell the kids, then off we go. Inevitably we arrive to find that whilst they do gluten free for adults they don't for children.

As we know prevention of depression is vitally important before the situation gets to crisis point. If we can educate everyone, both male and female on the same even level, this can reach out and help more fathers come forward to seek help and end the stigma of the illness which is depression.

You would think I had asked them to tell the person next to them how often they have sex.
Speaking up about your parenting ability is just not something parents find easy. Had I asked them to talk about what they get wrong as a parent, they would never shut up.

It has recently become apparent to me that little sorcerers have infiltrated the Walker Camp. Disguised as our offspring too, would you believe! I am in increasing awe - or is it fear?! - of their ability to apply mastery and cunning in a plethora of situations.

When my mum died after a long fight with Alzheimer's, grief threw me an opportunity to consider her legacy to me, and my three daughters. A friend said to me, "We all leave our shadow behind". So what is my mum's shadow? What will mine be to my darling daughters so they have what they need to thrive in the modern world?

I'm annoyed that in this day and age, there are still children out there that have to watch helplessly as their relationship with their father is disrupted, interfered with or even permanently severed just because someone is angry, resentful and vengeful.

In just a few months from now some new dads will have more options in how they use their parental leave. The new scheme will allow parents to share leave after their child is born, allowing more mothers to return to work - but the question is how many dads will take this leave?

Since I'm a father myself I can confirm this: time flies. It's such a precious time. And your children are only little once. Before you blink twice they've grown up and go their ways. You'll still be part of their life (hopefully), but it's nothing compared with the first years.

The professionals, the midwives and the health visitors - the first port of call for mothers and fathers after a birth - are in agreement that PND does exist in fathers. They acknowledge it and are trained to ask about it, and this is a significant step in the right direction towards getting fathers the help they need.

Parents need to get creative and patient when it comes to sex. I certainly found that the less couples stress about it and accept what it is and are honest with each other, the more they enjoyed the intimacy they had.

Postnatal depression affects fathers too. It's a fact, it's been researched, professionals working in mental health and in medicine agree that it exists, and I've spoken to many sufferers over the past year...but what are we going to do about it?

There has been a lot of speculation about how men won't take up the opportunity of shared parental leave because the money is not enough for them or because childcare is not seen as a man's job. These are valid concerns but I think it goes even deeper than that.

Fatherhood and motherhood should not be seen as opposing forces - both roles complement each other. An involved father reduces the stress on an overburdened mother, improves family functioning and helps to build mum's own relationships with her children. And vice versa.

It's important that we recognise that some men will not benefit from being at the birth of their child. For some people this would seem like a step backwards, the exclusion of anyone based on their sex, from anything, will always be seen as such, but we must remember that a father's mental health is important too.

Feeling slightly inadequate or left out is normal. You may sense that you are missing something special, by not being able to feed the baby. You might experience a perceived (or real) loss of intimacy, as your lover's role is reframed... So, it is helpful to know there are many ways you can 'breastfeed' the baby!

You might feel that no-one at work quite understands how you are feeling. Men need to off-load too. Some find it difficult to ask for help, especially with emotional issues, but please do, find someone you feel comfortable with (a friend, a relative or a professional) and let go, it will be a great relief.

I became a teenager. We were no longer close. I came to hate him: I wanted more from our relationship. I longed for times past, but that wasn't to be. He wanted respect; I wanted intimacy.
I refused to call him Dad. I broke his heart. We fought. Then I heard that he was dying.

Parenting without a mask. Living with my feelings and showing my emotions. Expressing what I think and being clear on what I want. Yes, my children should see how I feel and how I deal with it. When I experience a very challenging and stressful moment, I try to tell my kids and my wife.

I remembered my own childhood: the long and quiet (and sometimes lonely) moments, when I sat in my room or by the window and did NOTHING. Staring out of the window, a bit of day dreaming, watching people and cars passing by... being bored. At the same time I enjoyed exactly those moments. So peaceful and calm, so relaxing and refreshing at the same time.

"I don't wanna play with you. I want mama. She is more fun than you, I like her best!" I'm sure many fathers have heard their children saying those or similar expressions. And even worse, often they come out of the blue with no warning, or any justifiable reasons.

I remember being very excited during my wife's first pregnancy. I couldn't wait for the due date to come nearer. I also felt a little nervous and unsure, but hey, I read books, my wife and I talked a lot and I thought we will be fine.