The Worst Halloween Treats Ever | The Worst Halloween Candy of All Time

Before we were able to enjoy Halloween the proper way (drunk at a bar/party), Halloween consisted of obtaining as much candy as possible—all the while—dodging sexual predators who got their rocks off by diddling little kids. If you made it to adulthood “diddle free”, congratulations. However, judging by all of the slutty Halloween costumes worn today, some of you ladies must’ve really enjoyed the rush of “taunting” sexual deviants. Getting back to what I was saying, Halloween use to revolve around the phrase “trick or treat”. Unfortunately, the word “trick” wasn’t the only aspect of the phrase that was openforinterpretation. With that being said, some of the “treats” that we’ve received over the years were anything but treats. Furthermore, some of those so called treats were so terrible that they will go down in history as being known as the worst Halloween treats of all time.

After a night of trick-or-treating, the best way to analyze you’re night’s “earnings” was to dump all of your Halloween candy out on the floor. I don’t knowaboutyou, but every year I would always stumble across a random box of raisins. It was always like, “who the fuck gave me raisins”. Granted, you could always try to trade them. But, they usually just ended up right where they belong, the garbage.

Apples:

Everyone knows the urban legend of razor blades in the apples, and I’m sure that you’ve heard the phrase “shitting razor blades”. Seeing as both of those sound awful, I had no choice but to include apples on this list.

Good & Plenty:

Candy coated licorice, I don’t think a grosser combination exists.

Smarties:

Not bad enough to throw out, but not good enough to eat. Now, to the kitchen cabinet you go, where you can sit until next Halloween.

Candy Corn:

It’s hard not to think of Halloween when you see candy corn, but it’s even harder to eat more than one “kernel”.

Taffy:

Even if you were brave enough to eat taffy, there’s no way that you were patient enough to pick off all of the little pieces of wax paper that clung to it.

Wax Bottles:

If the wax paper stuck to the taffy didn’t fill you up, oh boy do we have a treat for you… Wax Bottles!!! Just bite off the wax top, and be prepared to wet your whistle with some of the finest wax flavored juice that your pallet has ever tasted! Still craving more wax? Feel free to eat the edible wax bottle!!

Necco Wafers:

Necco Wafers’ claim to fame is that they offer a variety of “great flavors”. Well, if your idea of great flavors consist of lemon, lime, clove (what ever the fuck that is), cinnamon, black licorice, and chocolate, then maybe this is just the candy for you.

Mary Jane:

Make all the pot related jokes you want because who ever thought molasses and peanut butter was a good idea must have been high. Hey I know this candy has been around for ever, and I’m all for nostalgia, but the wrappers make this candy look 100 years old. Coming from someone who at a piece of bubble gum from a 1972 package of baseball cards, old candy is disgusting

Circus Peanuts:

I can’t really think of anything to say about Circus Peanuts, other than the fact that they are fucking terrible. I picture sucking a dick being a lot like eating a circus peanut.