Let Harry Kane ruin your Christmas

Raheem Sterling

The Mindless Morons lead the way, rising to the top of the table with the week’s equal best score. They and Romeoshondavan got to 74 points but The Morons’ seven goals to Romeo’s four sees them pinch the weekly award. This is a pretty momentous moment in the Moron’s Buckets career. I’m not sure they ever have topped this league. They’ve pretty regularly battled for the wooden spoon. Their current overall rank is around the 18k mark. – they’ve never been that high.

Their team is set fair. Banging in seven goals is no mean feat. Salah and Sterling are rightly in place. Pukki’s in with Aguero – that’s proving pretty lethal – and they bagged great differential points from Patrick Van Aanholt this week too. Can they hang on to claim the manager of the month?

It felt like a very hectic week. A few early wildcards dropped off the back of some pretty serious fluctuations in player values. Anticipated hauls ahead of the weekend for Spurs and Manchester United assets saw players increase in value only to return very little. Clean sheets proved rare again, calling into question the need for big investment back there. Liverpool are yet to keep one and City conceded again – as did Everton. If we learned anything it was to stick with Salah and Sterling. Always look to try something different to steal a march but if you don’t have your foundations in place your house is gonna fall down.

We’re off. GW1 has delivered. We had a 100+, three 90+ and a top nine all above 80 points last season. We’ve arguably bettered that this season. Although not topping the century mark, we did see a third of our teams better 80 points. Just about everybody in the top half picked Mo Salah and Raheem Sterling. We all preferred Salah as the captain choice but it was the Man City man who came out on top in terms of points. He delivered a season starting hat trick in a regular routine victory over West Ham and with it came an almost instantaneous price rise. Cook Pass Babtridge’s week winning score owed more to their differential picks, namely Willy Boly and Divock Origi. Origi may not start again for a while once Sadio Mane’s back, but it was worth the one week punt at £5.5 million to get the 12 points he served up.

We may have our champions. An expertly played double gameweek has (probably) pinched the highest gameweek score and has created a gap at the top of the table with three gameweeks left to play. The Islanders scored one of only eight triple figure scores in the week in which they were more likely to happen. The bench boost was the chip of choice for the Islanders and they managed to pick two of the three players that amassed 17 points – Gerard Deulefeu and Jonny Castro Otto. Add to that a 16 point captain contribution from Raheem Sterling, a double clean sheet 15 pointer from Aymeric Laporte and a much welcomed improvement in Brighton’s form offering 12 points from Mat Ryan. The Islanders are left with their triple captain, as are their closest challengers, Da Pitch. Albion and Madrid are chipless and will more than likely battle it out for third and fourth.

Player of the week – Ayoze Perez – Newcastle United – 17 points

It’s not uncommon for a single gameweeker to triumph in a double gameweek – it happened last week of course. Thanks Brighton. It was maybe less likely to happen this week given the larger pool of double gameweek players to pick from and the teams that were playing – six of the top half. I mentioned a few weeks ago as Ayoze Perez posted a 16 point gameweek that at the same time last season he came into incredible goal scoring form to save Newcastle from a relegation scrap. And that the same thing could happen last season. It is.

Manchester City were the only team to keep two clean sheets of the double gameweekers. Wolves kept one against Brighton and were unlucky not to add a second against Arsenal. Despite conceding one against the Gunners two of their three goals had wing back involvement. Matt Doherty scored his fourth league goal of the season, assisted by his mate on the opposite flank, Jonny, who added a second assist to help him to his second double figure total of the season.

Twat of the week – Nacho Monreal – Arsenal – 0 points

It was difficult to pick a twat this week. Monreal scored zero and was the costliest of those players so he takes the honour. Both Arsenal and Manchester United shipped six and did their Europa League hopes the world of good.

The first silverware of the season has been won by The Craggy Islanders, who triumphed in the Buckets Cup by 74-53 over Neil Madrid. It’s the Islanders’ first cup success to add to their league title win of two seasons ago. Their weekly total enabled them to hold onto their lead at the top of the table and keeps them on course for the double. They built up a healthy lead on the Saturday with double figure returns from Ryan Fraser and Jamie Vardy and that lead was extended further with two more doubles from Sadio Mane and captain, Mo Salah. Neil Madrid, despite having Raheem Sterling in their ranks, couldn’t match that scoring. A Liverpool clean sheet and a contribution from Gonzalo Higuain was needed but wasn’t forthcoming. Congratulations to the Islanders

Manager of the week – Shoelace Untied – Caroline Strong – 90 points

Shoelace bag their second weekly high of the season and are firmly in contention for the top four, sitting just 29 points off Neil Madrid in the prize winning spots. Their 90 points came without a contribution from Raheem Sterling. but did include a canny captain punt on Jamie Vardy, as well as a fifth double figure haul from arguably the most reliable dead ball specialist in the league, Luca Milivojevic.

Player of the week – Raheem Sterling – Manchester City – 21 points

Raheem Sterling is the first player to post three weekly highs with his second hat trick of the season. He sits just five points behind Mo Salah now in the highest scoring player charts and whereas the Liverpool man may have been the favourite for most manager’s triple captain choice, his drastic drop in form and the recent swing in favour back towards City in the title race might force a change of tack.

Bargain of the week – Ayoze Perez – Newcastle United – 16 points

About this time last season Ayoze Perez went on a scoring run that helped lift Newcastle away from the relegation battle ahead of schedule – and saw them clamber up into 10th place. That might be about to happen again. Newcastle play next week’s blank and look likely to feature in one of the doubles – probably GW35.

Twat of the week – Jamaal Lascelles – Newcastle United – -1 points

A good week for Perez and Newcastle was a bad week for Jamaal Lascelles. Hooked at half time with an injury and a booking and therefore playing no part in the comeback from 2-0 down to 3-2.

There were some very closely fought games this week with ten of the sixteen being won by less than 10 points – five of those by just a 2 point margin. Ross’s Champions continue their progress by knocking out the reigning champs, Puddle Splash Van – we’re yet to have a manager retain the cup. Shoelace were knocked out in the tie of the round on 82 points – only five teams scored more points than that in the entire league this gameweek.

Top of the League – But Da Pitch Ain’t 1 – Trev Reams – 1666 points

The last two weeks have produced a bit of a change at the top. It’s still the same four teams, but the order has changed and the points spread has widened. And the teams in the chasing pack are also within shooting distance. Da Pitch have posted two 90+ scores to leap back into the top 5k in the world and build a lead of 32 points over The Craggy Islanders, who occupy their highest position of the season. Neil Madrid have dropped back after two shocking weeks of bad captain choices and a risky hokey-cokey transfer policy.

Pique’s match Da Pitch for points and goals this week but triumphed in the meaningless quest to be manager of the week by virtue of picking up more bonus points. It’s a score that puts them in contention for a charge at the manager of the month prize. Eight goals scored and four players collecting top bonus is a great return. Some teams will welcome the two week cup break. It might have come at the wrong time for Pique’s.

Player of the week – Raheem Sterling – Manchester City – 18 points

Pipping his hat trick scoring team mate by one point, despite scoring one less goal and one less bonus point. No less annoying for those that saw fit to dispense of City players with the prospect of what should have been a much tougher match against Chelsea and the fact they have a blank coming up next time out. City have refound their form (again) and Sterling becomes the first player to achieve a player of the week award twice this season. It’s the seventh player award for their team overall. Will they have another blip to throw the game into complete disarray again?

Bargain of the week – Chris Wood – Burnley – 13 points

Burnley look OK now. Wood and his team mate, Ashley Barnes, are in among the form strikers and look like a tempting pick for the forthcoming blank. They have five and four goals respectively in the last seven games. It’s a run that has seen them climb to relative safety in the league and they look set to continue the partnership for the foreseeable.

Twat of the week – Marcos Alonso – Chelsea – -1 points

Take your pick of the Chelsea defence. If Alonso is still stinking up your backline it’s surely now time to dispense. Worse still if you re-invested in Chelsea after they beat Huddersfield. Remember they were thumped for four by Bournemouth in the game before. The top four look so much more reliable for big priced players at the moment. Hazard could quite easily go on another six week holiday before his next big haul.