Hello. This month has been a perfect example of why I cannot be trusted to complete any task that requires me to write something every single day about something specific. That is why the “write every day” advice from authors is bullshit in my realm.

The last week has been insanely crazy and busy, and by the time the girls go to bed, the last thing I want to do is think about anything. So instead I found myself binging the show The Bold Type on Freeform and pretty much giving up hope of being productive. Well, I watched the last episode last night and I have a deadline for a publication I write for, so it looks like productivity has to start later for me today.

Anyway, we’ve skipped a bunch of days, so let’s catch up.

Day Twelve: Movies/TV. I don’t watch a lot of movies, and I don’t watch a lot of TV on the regular, so this category is useless to me. NEXT!

Day Thirteen: Letter to my past self. I am actually going to do this for Day Thirty, so NEXT!

Day Fourteen: Flare essentials. For me, coping with a flare depends solely on where I am when the flare starts, how long it lasts, and what the level is. I typically keep IC friendly snacks on me to help me level out a flare, along with lots of water (La Croix is a big helper for me these days), Clary Sage essential oil, and Advil. I try to sit around if I can, which is so rare, but I try to really focus on the self care when these happen. It isn’t always possible, but I try.

Day Fifteen: Pain levels. Oh, those vary. They go from “Oh, that’s annoying.” to “OMG everything hurts, and I’m dying…” And, usually, it’s one or the other – mine seem to like to be on the extreme ends of the spectrum. Very little middle ground.

Day Sixteen: How long DX took. I kind of went over this before, and I know that my doctors knew I had this about a year and a half before anyone told me…lol. Nice, eh?

Day Seventeen: IC Myths. I am not up on the myths behind it, but I know a lot of people say, “Well you haven’t always had this pain, so you can just do what you did before,” and it’s like, no. I can’t. I have been in pain for a long time and didn’t have a name for it until about a year ago, so I can’t go back to how I was before. Everything is different now. Knowing the reason why I am in pain and how to help myself immediately means that nothing will be the same. I will never feel like I did before, and that’s okay. It’s a hard thing to come to terms with the idea that I won’t ever feel like “normal,” but normal changes for everyone all the time. And for me, living with this and its effects on my body and life is just going to be a part of my truth and journey from here on. I don’t know many myths, but I do know the truths that I have experienced. And I want to focus on what I know to be true, not what I want to try to prove wrong.

Day Eighteen: Quotes. As a writer and voracious reader, I am always writing down quotes and adding them to my inspo boards. I live for a well-placed and well-meaning quote. I think words are beautiful and using them in a beautiful way is art. And I love it.
My favorite quote is “It’s okay not to be okay.” And, it’s so true. It’s exhausting to pretend you’re okay just because someone does not understand your pain level. It’s hard to put on a smile every day when you don’t want to. So, I have to remember that it’s okay not to be okay. And that’s all I need to know.