Monday, April 28, 2014

My Daddy's gone

The sky grew black, and the crack of thunder rocked the house and then it started to hail, five minutes later the sun came out and just like that my Dad was gone. The last few weeks have all been a blur but they have been filled with a lot of love and laughter. I have been reminded how wonderful people are and also how fragile and fleeting life really is. Here are some pictures from the last few days. Cristi has been by my side through it all, never underestimate the power of friendship.

My Dad was born in Canada and maintained dual citizenship.

I made a little altar for him.

Our nurse outfits both made by Cristi:)

Peetee made a new friend , the neighbors dog.

He also got injured pretty bad jumping off Dad's bed. He is on pain meds nursing a neck injury. My poor doggie!

When it rains people...

I made the call on Saturday to give my Dad's dog away. After weeks of looking I found the perfect gal. Here she is. This was one of the most difficult things I have ever done in my whole life.

I mentioned to my Dad that I thought Dylan should go down to a neighbors and he freaked grabbing everyone who came in saying don't let her take my dog. It was awful, however after I took Dylan away he never mentioned his name again, he was already too far gone to notice or say anything. Dylan thanks for watching over my Dad for all those days and nights, I hope you have a wonderful
life!

I found some more photos that I had never seen. Here are my folks at their wedding.

My hot Mom all the way on the right.

Another of my Mom and Dad.

and here are the wonderful women who helped take care of me and my Dad this last week.

My Dad with Papa Smurf and Dylan.

These are some of his best friends.

Ray took my Dad to a lot of Doctor appointments and he and his wife Mary would come sit with my Dad 2-3 times a day everyday until he died. These folks are family now.

My Dad has owned this dog statue ever since I can remember. I put it outside his room, his watch is finally over. The funeral home came to pick up my Dad and gave me time to say goodbye. I played the song, The Wind That Shakes the Barley by Dead Can Dance and I hugged, cried and prayed over him.

I also ended the day by eating my Dad's favorite meal, a cheeseburger.

Rest in peace Dad. Thank you for loving me! I will miss you very much.

53 comments:

I am reading this post at work, so I'm trying not to cry. What a lovely goodbye to your Dad. I was thinking about you this weekend and wondering if the end had come. He had the best possible death, surrounded all those who loved him, human, and animal. Reading about how your Dad was asking everyone not to let you take his dog breaks my heart. I'm glad Dylan has a new person to love him, but he will miss your Dad too.

Thank you for being brave enough to share this experience with us - it was incredibly moving, and it reminded me of how important it is to spend time with people we love, and be sure they know we love them, and in the case of your Dad, you gave him a gift of caring for him at the end, and he knew he was loved. Take care of yourself now Krista, you need time to mourn. Sending you the biggest hug possible. XO

My thoughts, heart and everything are with you, Krista. You did so much to help your dad and to make his final days comfortable and full of love. If anyone could chose a way to die that would be it, to know that they were loved and treasured.Thank goodness for friends and for animals. Dylan did a sterling job sitting by his daddy's side and now he'll be lavished with love and the attention he needs, you can tell by that lady's smile how much he already means to her.Phil is finally be free from pain and you can grieve knowing you did absolutely everything and more for him.I Love you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

This is filled with such...peace and love and even hope. A wonderful tribute to a wonderful man. You and Cristi take care of yourselves and....gah I don't know what else to say. Just I hope a perpetual rainbow follows you around for a minimum of a week and every time you spy it, it creates a sense of joy, contentment and happiness.

Oh Krista, I am so sorry. But you did all you could to make your dad's final days as full of love and care as you possible could, what more can anyone do? He knows you loved him. Cristi and your Dad's friends have been brilliant, as has Dylan. So sad to let him go, but he will be fine, I'm sure. I feel so heartbroken for you, but yes, you were loved, and isn't that great? Not everyone has that, do they? Your parents (so cool, back in the day) must have always been so proud of you.Sending you much, much love. xxxxx

Krista,So so sorry your dad has gone but be thankful he is now out of pain. So glad you are surrounded by friends and family at this sad and difficult time, it sounds as if your dad's friends have been amazing. You were a loving and caring daughter Krista, your dad was lucky, as you were too, to have had him. No doubt Dylan gave your dad much comfort throughout his illness, I'm pleased you found him a new owner who looks thrilled to bits with him. Take care, lots of love. xxx

I'm at home, and so have the luxury to cry at this post Kristi- bawling like a baby. But I'm so thankful that you took the time to share this- and your dad with us. I'm sorry to hear of his passing, as I know how deeply you will feel the loss- but am reminded how much pain we feel from loss is directly related to how much love we have for the person involved. You were deeply loved by your father, and by so many others. Your light burns so brightly, and what comfort and joy you must have been to your pops. He is at peace now and while the heart will still hurt, you can find solace in the fact that your beloved father, suffers no more.

Sending you virtual hugs- and it is good to know you are surrounded by your loved ones. You are treasured by many, myself included. If you need anything- don't hesitate to ask. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. -Bella

quote...I mentioned to my Dad that I thought Dylan should go down to a neighbors and he freaked grabbing everyone who came in saying don't let her take my dog. It was awful, however after I took Dylan away he never mentioned his name again

that is one of the saddest things i have read in a long time, poor dad poor dog

Tears are slowly running down my cheaks .... so sad . A big loss of a loved one . He is in a better place now and i hope that you will recover soon from this sad and hard time .sending so many big warm hugs that i possibly can !xxx

It is so sad. I know you're usually a cheery person, but definitely try to let yourself mourn--just let yourself feel all the feelings. ^^^Everyone already said such good stuff before me. I love all the old photos. Thank goodness for friends & family to help get you through... Poor Peetee!

Dear Krista, i thought about you and your dad over the weekend and wondered. I'm so sad to hear he has gone. You have been an amazing and inspirational daughter to him. The power of love, eh? It makes us do great things, and all the things you did for him were selfless and full of care. I'm glad for him that he isn't suffering any more and glad for you that you had all these wonderful people,around to support you. Sending you lots of love xxxxxxxxx

I would just like to send all my love and prayers to you and your family. You were there to help him through at the most vital of times , and although it hurts (and it will) you will look back and cherish being able to say the last goodbye ,with the people that matter the most.Love from the UK. Lynnie xxxxx

I'm so sorry, Krista. You are in my heart and thoughts. Your Pa is at peace and he knows how much you loved him and what you did to care for him.I have to tell you how dignified and wonderful you have been. You are an inspiration.I'm glad Dylan has someone to look after him. You take care darling...sending huge hugs.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}My thoughts and prayers are with you and your sister. Your dad left this world in a cloud of love. He's in a much better place now with nopain or sorrow.You have these memories to treasure.

My dear Krista, I was thinking about you a lot all these days, and learned about your loss first from the beautiful Vix's post... I cry with you, my dear. Nobody will ever be able to replace a loving parent in our heart. But this is the true treasure - to have such amazing true love, to be able to grow with it, to become who you became because of this incredible love. And it goes the same way for your wonderful, beautiful Dad - your love is the biggest treasure. I want to thank you for sharing your life and loss with us. I hope it helped you to be so open about your grief. I know that it somehow helps me, maybe in more ways than I know... Your friend is such a sweetheart, and all the people who were by your side and by Phil's side. You all amaze me, so much love and so much strength in you. He will always be in your heart, and now in my heart too...Lots of love and hugs to you, dear dear friend.

Vix's post lead me to you Krista. So so sorry to hear about your loss. How brave you are. What wonderful friends and doggies to be there for your Dad and you. How cool do your parents look in those old photos. Don't forget to take care of yourself now. x

Just gutted for you, lovely Krista.You have such a light in you, and you've done the most giving and loving and incredible thing any human could do for another by going all the way with your darling Dad.Much, much love, sweetheart.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I found your blog through Vix's blog and just wanted to send my love and best wishes at this difficult time. Your dad looks like a wonderful chap and I'm sure it gave him so much peace to know you were there to care for him at his time of need. You are so brave to share your story.

My thoughts are always with you and your family, you are an amazing friend and I admire the support and the strenght you offered to your dad and to me and to all the people who are reading and living with you these moments. I send you all my love xxxxx

*Big Huge Hugs* I am so sorry your Dad has gone Krista, the love you have for your Dad has shone through, it would have been the greatest comfort for him, he is no longer in pain now, he's free - take the greatest care of yourself, much, much love x x x

Dear Krista,I am a long time reader but never left you a comment before. I felt compelled to write you because you are my sister as a fellow daughter of a dad that recently died of cancer. You are so strong to have sought help from others and created so many beautiful and loving experiences for your sweet papa in his last days. My dad died 2 Septembers ago of late stage bladder cancer. A dark part of me is jealous that you got to be with your dad as he died. Mine was out of the country. I found your post where you wrote you were ready for your dad to be out of pain so true. I prayed for his death to come and felt so conflicted about that prayer, but it really was a relief when he finally went on to his eternal reward. Perhaps our papas have met by now? You are in my prayers during this difficult time. No one tells you about the stupid stuff that follows the death that you must address but have trouble finding the emotional resources, i.e. Finding a new home for Dylan the Dog. You are managing wonderfully and your pain and sadness won't last forever. Your dad loved you very much and was so appreciative of everything you did for him, I am certain, Krista! Keep on truckin'! --Melissa

Your father completed his journey surrounded by caring, competent men and women -- and even more to be envied by those not so fortunate, daughters who embraced the task of overseeing his transition from time into eternity.

Everyone who participated in this beautifully managed ritual of life and death has been blessed by your artist's eye, that dabbed spirit-inspiring color in every corner; and your generous heart, that offered healing hugs for people and pups who were hurting.

I've found your blog through Vix's tribute to you and your father. I offer my empathy and sympathy. You were an excellent daughter and friend, it seems, and I've been where you are now with both my parents. You're fortunate in your friends and surviving loved ones, but then, it's apparent that you know that.I wish you lots of comfort, the space and time to grieve in the best way for you, and lots of memories to treasure.

Hi, Krista, I really don't know you, but wanted to stop by after seeing Shelley mention you and the gifts you sent her. I'm so sorry for your loss of your father. I think one of our most profound roles in life is to bear witness to the lives, struggles and deaths of the people we love. I know you can take comfort in having shared that beauty and pain with your dad. Your post is a beautiful eulogy.

Thank you Krista for sharing these poignant final moments and the amazing photos of Phil and your Mum's time together. I'm so terribly sorry that Phil's illness was so prolonged, yet when I say he was lucky to have you behind him along with a kind and loving support team, I really mean it. So many with his illness have suffered through it alone and I just love you that extra squeezy bit for seeing him through. While your emotions are jagged and raw, you still manage a smile and to share your tears with us and for that, well, you are human kindness itself. xoxoxooxox

This is such a sad, but also moving post. I'm sorry for all you and your Dad went through, but it looks like he was surrounded by love. I will be thinking of you and send you virtual hugs across the oceans xoxo

Oh sweet I read your post this morning and could not leave a message through the tears. I am so very very sad for you. May your dad rest in peace now and his soul will be filled with all the love that he had in his life.I am thinking of you and sending much love your way......take time to stop, breath and be silent.Hugs from the other side of the world.Vanessa......xxxxx

What a beautiful post and tribute to your dad, he will continue to be proud of you for sure. You gave him your everything in his last days, what a beautiful woman you are. My thoughts are with you and I understand your loss, my dad passed away from cancer seven years ago, like you I spent as much time with him as I could. Trust me it really helps with the grieving. I wish you love, and happiness in the dark days that follow.

Darling KristaSo, so sorry.Such a beautiful tribute to your beloved dad. Tears fill my eyes as I write this and my heart truly aches for you.I will be with you in spirit these next hard days, weeks and months. The only solace is that his pain is now over.Remember the good times and the love - the way your dad was when he was well and that will help you through.Huge huge hugs to youxxxx

You dad was an amazing man. I can not begin to imagine what you and your family must be going through. It is great to see you have a support network with you and Christi is such an angel. My thoughts are with you.

You dad was an amazing man. I can not begin to imagine what you and your family must be going through. It is great to see you have a support network with you and Christi is such an angel. My thoughts are with you.