We had a late dinner out with the kids tonight and I asked for a bite of Daddy’s chili. He started to feed it to me then “Wait” as he draws the spoon back and then towards me again in loops. “Here comes the airplane.” I took my bite giggled and leaned my head against his shoulder. “You two are weird.” says one of the kids. Funny thing is it really didn’t seem to phase either of them that much.

Later I asked Daddy if he liked that he could be silly with me and I would enjoy it. Yes he does.

It must be more relaxing now knowing that he can joke and be himself and I won’t be uptight or crabby about it. Is it because I’m not so self-conscious worried about what everyone around is thinking about me and in turn him? hmmmm that could be another post itself. I have already put out enough tonight and missed my bedtime.

In the beginning I struggled a lot with the shift of our relationship to a D/s dynamic. I thought it needed to look a certain way. Mainly that it needed to be structured a certain way. I thought that if we didn’t have set rules and follow strict protocols that we weren’t doing it right. If we weren’t rehearsing our scenes to perfection, we were going to get nowhere. Wait! Who the hell am I rehearsing for?

I got caught up in the sex because it was hot and enticing but that wasn’t why I came to desire this type of relationship.

I tried to follow the group but found it to be frustrating, depressing and that it was not allowing me to be content with what we were growing. Once I came to terms with letting our dynamic develop around who we are and have been for years it became a much more peaceful journey.

I think it is helpful to find a source of support but keep in mind you should never get all of your information from one source. It can be harder to find examples of long term married D/s couples but they are out there. Having said that you cannot model your lives after anyone else. You are unique.

It’s not a how to manual for D/s. Sex is not the main focus in this book. There are not lots of tawdry details. Having said that I believe it is totally worth the read.

The author is very adamant about stating that she does not want you to model your life after hers. This is her example of how it works for them. That of course is wonderful advice. We are all unique individuals and our D/s dynamic will be unique as well.

The book is a look into the daily interactions of a long term married couple and how their dynamic has benefit their relationship. The author is very good at explaining the peace and joy this way of living has brought her. The picture she paints of mental and spiritual intimacy is breathtaking.

I think it is even a good read for someone that may not understand why those of us choose to live this way. I found it clarified things in my own head as to why I thrive from this style of relationship.

“That close attention, to anything at all, important or trivial, is healing. It’s warm. It underscores something I heard or read somewhere years ago: Love IS attention. And I no longer feel childish for wanting it. I know now I do deserve it. The Boss taught me that, too.”

We are going to an erotic art fair this weekend. It is something held every year and we have been talking about going for the last three but hadn’t. The tickets are purchased and I am excited. From the photos of prior years it is art in various mediums as well as some performance art. They have a well-known local burlesque dancer on the schedule that I am hoping we get to see.

Daddy admitted last night that he is very nervous about going. His coaching and volunteering is all church based. He said it was quite possible that if someone found out about it and made a stink that it could all be over for him. I told him we didn’t have to go. I don’t want to do anything that puts his enjoyment at risk. He said “No I told you I would take you and I am going to. I have been interested in going to this for years. I’m just nervous about it.”

It’s not a dungeon type thing. It is an art fair at an Art studio. It is in the paper and on their website and facebook pages so there is always the possibility of showing up in the background of a photograph. I guess that is where a dungeon party with a no photography policy would be better.

I told him for me I don’t care about what others think. Well I kinda do but it feels like hiding or being ashamed or insisting I should live by their standards. This is something that I wouldn’t mind sharing on facebook because it’s skirting the edge a little. 😉 I would tell the kids where we went. They are older and it wouldn’t bother me one bit. None of those things I am allowed to do. He doesn’t want anyone knowing we went. Maybe after if he thinks it wasn’t as big a deal he might change his mind but I think he is right in his caution.

I have put him in a hard place. There is no doubt this man wants to please me and wants to support me in being true to myself. It’s just a delicate balance so that he doesn’t lose his ability to pursue his interests.