This is about my journey into my soul by way of the highway of Ironman

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

LITTLE VICTORIES

I remember it so well.I would see the M-Dot logo on someone’s t-shirt or hat and almost burst
into tears but had no idea why.I remember my first coach explaining to me that someone could not just “sign up” to “do” Kona and that set me on the long journey to “just get there once”.I would watch the live coverage and my
stomach would ache with desire to know what it felt like.The second Saturday in October in my
house was a sacred day.I would
stay up all night long to watch people cross the finish line.The more involved I got in the sport
the more people I knew to follow and would cry every time someone I knew
crossed the line.Then IT happened
to me!Well it didn’t just
“happen”.I kept the dream alive
through two back surgeries, through many close calls, through frustration and
injury, through finding a coach in Hillary Biscay that scared me and also knew she understood my dream and me.Four years ago I crossed that finish
line and realized there was still so much more for me to learn about
myself.I was not able to return
to race in 2013 due to a bad bike crash. I went back in 2014 and was reminded
of the magic and challenge that makes racing the Ironman World Championship so
exciting and hard.I realized then
the caliber of athleticism that makes those that win and do well the very best
in the world.I left the island
last year with a feeling of dissatisfaction and wonder about what I really
could do.I raced the following
month and picked up another chance to dance on the big island for the third
time.

So I entered my 10th year racing Ironman in 2015
with a Kona entry in my back pocket, my season not “chasing” a slot, my first
365 days in five years without a stress fracture and a decision to do more than
I ever had to prepare to see what I could do on the island.I raced my 11th Ironman at
Ironman Texas and finished in 11:11!Not my best time nor my best race but a good benchmark for where we
were.I went to my favorite
training playground for a month to learn about myself and train with my
favorite partners who could push me.I also had “life” in big doses.I have always believed that when I declare what is really important to
me, life is going to make me “prove” it and that what usually shows up sometimes
appears as an obstacle that reinforces my decision.What I knew for sure was that I was in the best shape I had
ever been in going into that race.

Race morning came and I was thrilled to see what I could do
and represent my sponsor in my very cool new Smashfest Queen kit. I know going
into each race I am going to look great and comfortable gear is never going to
be an issue.

I got to the race start at the same time
as a very good friend in the sport – we went through body marking together,
hugged and wished each other well.I went to set up my transition and get ready to swim.I felt certain that I was swimming more strategic and stronger
than I had last year.The swells
were big enough to be deceiving.There were many times I was sure I was swimming with the front group
only to have a wave crest and see the front group was far ahead of the group I was
with.

As I got out of the water I
saw that the swim was slow but I knew it was a long day and the bike was where
I had done the most progress this season.

My Dimond bike has to be my most comfortable ride ever. I am so grateful for the Dimond team for
their close attention to those of us on the bike and to their product.That kind of dedication to the athlete
is appreciated and makes me want to strive to be the best I can be on that
bike.I knew it was going to be a
hot day when even heading out on the Queen K early on I could feel the
heat.I had not noticed that in
previous years but this is Kona and anything is probable.We were treated a little rainstorm at
the turn around.The ride back to
town proved to set the tone for the rest of the race with the usual headwinds
from Waikoloa and what felt like riding into an oven.As I turned the corner into T2 I got a bit choked up that I
realized I was very close to a bike personal record on that course.

The run started out with a
bang.I felt a bit snappy and was
happy to be on the course and excited to see my loved ones.Unlike
the year before I was actually able to run right away.It wasn’t long though before the feet
started to act up.When that
happens it is about managing the nerves that are cranky.I also realized this was HOT.All of Ali Drive was soaked from the
sprinklers trying to keep us cool.I was in a battle of adjusting shoes and trying to run.I realized that if I just kept moving
even it wasn’t running then things would settle and I could pick up the pace
for a bit.

I have been at
this long enough that I know there may come times where the plan must adapt. We were getting to that
time quicker than I had hoped.For
a while, I have preached the motto “it isn’t about the finish line” to the
people I am privileged coach.I
have learned that it is in the process in which we are forged.There were times over the year that
looking at an entire day and training session was more that what my mind would
accept but if I chunked it down into bite size pieces I would experience a sort
of victory.The idea of “tiny
victories” was born out of a season of major life changes and a decision to do
more than I ever had in training and coaching.I started looking to each aid station as a victory.We were going to break this thing down
into manageable pieces and celebrate each one.Palani Hill was on the horizon and I knew I had mentally
cracked the two previous attempts.It isn’t long, but that piece of the course can feel brutal.I decided that no matter what I was not
walking it.“Lean forward, knees
up, short stride, get up it!” and I did!Time to celebrate!Then the
left turn into the oven or the Queen K.I decided I was going to celebrate each time I got to an aid station
running.I got to have a few more
tiny victories than the year before.

The “energy lab” was approaching.I started to decide how this was going to be tackled.In 2014, I watched the sun set as I
started down the descent towards the turnaround close to the beach at mile
16.I decided that no matter what
I was going to get in and out of this stretch before the sun set.That became the tiny race I was going
to have with myself.I would
tackle the rest of the race after I got this accomplished.As I rounded the corner back to town in
the daylight, I had a tiny celebration as I high- fived a volunteer.The next mini challenge was to see how
far up the Queen K I could get before sunset.As each aid station came to me in the dimming sunlight, I
knew this was a race against time. I celebrated a little, as I was close enough
to town to see the lights from the shopping centers as the dark of night
settled on the road.Getting this
far was better than chasing glow sticks like I did the year before.

Running down Palani and towards the finish never fails to
bring tears to my eyes as I know all the legends of our sport that have run that
same road.I am always reminded of
all the stories I have read about that stretch of road as I studied the paths
those took before me.This year
the familiarity of those last few miles were not lost on me.How much had I gone through, fought
for, and worked on to have that feeling of familiarity?The ramp up to the finish line with the
giant screen that allows those from all over the world to experience that magic
is the Ironman finish line is overwhelming and fantastic.The feeling of crossing this time was a
bundle of stacking together a bundle of tiny victories.

I don’t know of another life circumstance that magnifies the
gratitude for my family, my loved ones, my coach, my sponsors and my teammates
quite like that single moment of crossing that finish line.I know that there isn’t a single
athlete that gets there without a small village of love, support and
encouragement even when they are torn at the missed moments and
milestones.In the lights of the
finish line, the cheers from the crowds, the outstretched “high-fives” from
spectators and the announcement of“You are an Ironman” each participant knows a bit more about themselves
and is able to be more of a partner, friend, family member, co-worker to that
village. Therein lies the big victory that Ironman gives to everyone.In the midst of the tears and pain,
miracles and magic and tiny victories happen on that day and I am reminded that
as humans we are capable of much more than we know.

2 comments:

Tracy Wood
said...

Dawn! Great post! I can identify with your struggles and the process. Have a dream to go to Kona. I have completed 3 IM's so far. Right now, unable to work the last 2 weeks due to my back. I have been working to get back to training after a car accident from last year yet have had several setbacks due to the physical demands of my job. I will keep working hard and never give up. It truly is about the process. Hearing that you have completed Kona even after 2 back surgeries and bike crashes, your story gives me HOPE!!!! Thank you

Tracy- Keep the dream! Ask better questions of those that can help you. Let me know if you want some help with the back issues. My doc is amaze balls and he is an Ironman! Stay with it and you will be stronger on the back side.