You’re still too young to understand the news, and for that a part of me is grateful. After all, there’s seldom anything on there that I even want to see. It’s all bad news, followed by more bad news, and for now I want to shelter you from all the calamity. School shootings, political unrest, racism and violence. You’re so innocently unaware of it all, and for now you’re not negatively affected by all the anger, injustice, and evil. I wish I could keep you from it forever. Just keep you my sweet, loving girl. But I can’t.

One day you’ll see, and one day you’ll know. I watch you become more aware of the world around you every day, and you’re asking questions, and more importantly contemplating my answers. You’re beginning to form your own opinions, and that’s a good thing, but you still face harsh realities ahead. While a part of me may want to keep you sheltered and protected forever, I know that’s not the way. You need to be a part of this world at large, but you don’t need to let it steal your shine. That’s the challenge.

My advice to you as you begin to notice more the trouble of this world is to abide in hope. To abide is defined as “to continue without fading,” and that’s going to be very important as you go. The fact is that there are cruel people in this world who harm others without thought. Sometimes you will see so much hate, so many heinous acts that make you break into tired tears, and you’ll wonder where all the kindness went.

I can still remember when I served Active Duty and our world was attacked by terror on 9/11. As I watched helpless people jump from a burning building to their death it was as if hope plummeted with them. My heart hurt at the evil that rose against humanity, but then the true grit of humanity rose back in resistance. Despite the atrocious events, hope prevailed. Mankind remained in hope. They abided in hope. It threatened to fade, but in the end it did not. That is what you must always do. Never let the evil of this world win and steal your hope. In this world you will have trouble, but our hope is in something greater than this world. Keep that in mind always.

Here’s the part that kinda worries your Momma, though. You are so sweet, and so kind. Never let that be taken from you! We currently live in a world that feeds on sarcasm and breathes on cynicism. Harsh words are thoughtlessly hurled, opinions are strong, and concessions are few. Sympathy is dulled and charity for the sake of doing it without recognition is rare. You definitely will experience unfair treatment, judgement, and snide comments concerning your life choices. Let them roll off your back, for sure, but don’t let them make you unfeeling. It’s a tough balance to remain sensitive in a “mean” world, yet not let callousness or cruelty change you. They say “if you can’t beat them, join them,” but my advice is to always stay true to you. Don’t allow a hard world to harden you. It’s okay to be “weak” if that means loving your fellow man. A lot of the time when you are weak by the worldly standard, you are truly strong. I think you know what I’m talking about.

But here’s the most important part, kiddo. You are the future. Some folks say “this world has gone to hell in a hand basket,” but you know I never give up hope. I don’t want you to either. Be a world-changer. In a harsh world where confused, hurting people pull out a gun in school, yeah, you need to be on guard, but never do you need to become unloving. When you do that then it really will be the end.

I need you to be the light. I need you to help the hurting. Be the one who reaches out to the quiet, rejected people. Be the one who does no harm, doesn’t judge, and gives a smile always. Watch for those hurting, those who have fallen, and reach out a helping hand. I’m not saying this will be easy, or that it will even be accepted always, but I want you to never stop trying to be a light in this darkened world. Your highest calling in life is to serve others, love others, and perhaps even change this troubled world one life at a time.

You’ve got your work cut out for you, and honestly, I’m glad that right now all you can see is the kindness and love our home offers you. I wish every child had that. Perhaps then we wouldn’t be in the boat we are. For now you’re just learning to love, but my hope is that it will be so ingrained that you’ll have no choice but for you to overflow it into others as you step out further into this troubled world on your own one day.

Let’s just be honest. Women are amazing! We’re pros of problem solving, masters of multitasking, and heroes of all the hats. Women can work out of the home while simultaneously holding down the home front. We cook nutritious meals, run a taxi service for our children, craft like crazy, make our spouses feel special, teach life lessons on the daily, and look amazing doing it. Well, mostly anyway. We strive to do all the things, all the time, and very well. In years past I have applauded myself on my ability to multitask. Homeschooling, homemaking, mothering, working businesses inside the home and out. I was proud of myself and all I could accomplish, but I was also tired. I was frustrated, flustered, and many days ended with me in regret for how I had handled the challenges of the day. I mean, I was getting all the things done, but was that necessarily a good thing?

I can’t tell you how many times I would lose my temper with my young children, raise my voice, maybe throw my own temper tantrum (just being honest), and then feel like total crap afterwards.

“Why, God?!” I would pray. “Why can’t I keep it together?!”

Years went by. Years, y’all. Years where I prayed to not be short-tempered or frustrated. I would make the conscious decision to take my daughters places, to get them involved in activities, but then I’d be in a bad mood getting us out the door. I was typically fine once we got there, but as the relief washed over me while I watched my children I wondered why I couldn’t feel that contentment all the time.

Some mornings I would wake up feeling anxious or depressed. All the planning made no difference in the difficulty. And I got to where I desperately craved the days where we had absolutely nothing planned. They were a much needed respite that went by too fast. I kept hearing that childhood went by far too quickly, and I also knew this to be true. But let’s be straightforward here. Many days I wanted to put on fast-forward to get them over with so I could finally relax. Does that sound awful?

At some point I came to a place where I realized I wasn’t enjoying my motherhood as much as I should. Why did it have to be so hard, so exasperating? Was that just par for the course? Or was it perhaps partially my doing? I had always taken pride in being busy. I think that’s a woman thing. I equated being busy with being productive, and it’s like the more things I could accomplish the more accomplished I was as a mother. But if I was angry and frustrated internally most of the time then what was the point? It was a motive check.

I had always thought that more was better. The more I provided for my kids the better. More toys, more clothes, more opportunities. More activities, more social gatherings, more going places. We may have been going, but I was drowning. I realized one day I felt like I had been treading water for a solid two years, and I also understood that I couldn’t keep it up. I was barely surviving, and my kids weren’t any better for it. There were the things that I thought mattered. And then there were the things that really did. My kids didn’t need more of the things. They needed more of me. They needed a happy mom, both parents working less, and healthy, calm relationships with us. What good was busy if it really didn’t amount to anything of eternal value?

I realized I had to let go of a lot of things. I had to let go of stuff, drop the extra activities I thought made me a better, cooler mom, and understand I wasn’t really on anyone’s timeline but my own. A lot of the chaos and stress in our lives we create, and the real question is why. Why do we create busy lives and equate that with happy, productive, successful lives? And whose standard is it anyway?

Mentally and emotionally, I was slowly killing myself. I loved my children, and I loved doing things for them, but what they really needed was a mom who wasn’t stressed out most of the time. They needed the relaxed, fun-loving mom I knew I could be. I was just distracted from being her by all the tiny, unimportant things that wrongly filled our house, schedule, and priority list.

Each day I’m learning to let go of preconceived notions of how a social media society or misaligned world says I should parent. I’m laying down unrealistic expectations for myself that my children don’t even consider important. No one knows what you can let go of, but you, but I’m discovering it’s always more than we think. To stop, take inventory of what matters, and drop the rest, that’s freedom. I’m learning to smile more, hurry less, and laugh a lot. I’m remembering to not sweat the small stuff, but instead enjoy the small things in life. I’m focusing on family, love, and wherever that takes us.

It’s easy to be optimistic in opportunity, and it’s natural to see a silver lining when everything is super. But it’s a bit tougher to keep your chin up when life knocks it down, and while you’re sinking in the waves of adversity you find it hard to stay afloat on faith. Just being honest. And you can repeat to yourself over and over, “God’s got this,” yet feeling like you believe it is hard. Because you can have faith in your heart to move a mountain, but in your mind even mole hills stay stationary. Hope is easy to hang on to in intention, but remaining hopeful in reality tougher. I can say, “no matter what, I trust you Lord,” and truly mean it, yet it won’t keep the dismay at bay. Not completely. Sometimes human nature sucks.

I’ve found myself lately going through some changes. Change is always hard. It’s easier when it’s brought on by the Lord’s urging, but not without difficulty. So as we’ve found ourselves adjusting to new situations, and especially as we’ve found ourselves waiting for the glorious next step, it’s been a season of growing pains. I say, “ok, Lord, I’m ready,” but that doesn’t make it go by any quicker. I’m still in the waiting.

Ugh. The waiting. I hate the waiting. I know it brings growth. That’s what everyone says. But gosh, it’s awful. Can we all just agree it’s awful?

And then there’s the whole enormity of the issues you face. The world whispers words like “unlikely, unrealistic,” or even the dreaded “impossible.” The world will say you can’t, that the odds are stacked too much against you, but then the Lord will whisper, I can.

The reality of life will say I can’t sell my house in this market. It will say the dreams are too lofty, and that perhaps some mountains can’t be climbed. It will say the numbers don’t add up, you’re not brave enough to do something new and scary, and that your plans are too unconventional to work. But I suppose if God is leading you to something then even apparent logic doesn’t matter.

I was reminded last night of an obstacle I faced as a young woman. I felt the Lord leading me to leave my comfort zone, leave the man I loved, leave the country! I was being led to the mission field, but I had a problem in my way. It wasn’t my folks or even college before me. It was Epilepsy.

Since the age of eight I had been medicated for abnormal brain activity and the accompanying migraines. I took medication twice a day to keep the seizures away, and I saw my neurologist at least every 3-6 months for extensive testing. Every EEG I endured always came back the same (all wrong), and whenever I was anxious or stressed I would fall down in tears at the impending aura. A pressure would build in my ears, and a harsh sound like the muffled voices of hundreds of people speaking too fast for me to understand their words would fill my head. All the soft sounds were loud, and it was like the scratching of a pencil on paper was a thousand nails on a massive chalkboard. Yet in these moments a voice of someone addressing me sounded like it was a million miles away. This burden I bore was my obstacle. How could I travel into the jungles of Guyana with seizures, and how could I manage the logistics of medications needed and unfilled prescriptions while overseas?!

The world would say it just wasn’t going to happen for me. Not everyone could go into the mission field. But God would say, “nothing is too big for me.”

He would miraculously heal me a month before I was to depart.

He would somehow take abnormal brain waves and make them right, and even the neurologist would be stunned.

“It’s a miracle,” he said.

God would answer my prayers and not just try and fix it where I could get an extended amount of anti-seizure medication like I hoped. He went beyond working with the insurance companies. Instead He removed my obstacle completely.

When the world would say impossible, He would say, done.

Whenever I face impossible or worrisome situations in this life, God is good to remind me of the things He has already done. He’s a healer and mountain mover, and just because an obstacle looks different, it doesn’t mean He isn’t faithful to make things happen. He’s the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Waiting is hard. Problems harder. But God is an excellent problem solver. The wonderful thing is that even when my faith wavers, and when my emotions betray me, He is the same. He is constant, and despite my laborious stumbles He always makes the way. His way. No problem is too big for our God.

As I stood in the shower massaging the shampoo into my short hair I just felt good. It was more than the hot water cascading on my back, though. I felt peace, and that feeling was better than most anything I’ve come to discover.

“Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere,” I said out loud to the Lord.

Then I kind of giggled to myself. It seemed ironic to me that I felt so content with my life at the moment. From one angle it might appear as if everything were crashing down upon us, as if the comfortable existence we had created with our own hands was tumbling and crumbling apart. Yet, for the life of me, I couldn’t seem to get bothered about it. We were following God’s plan, and that made the rest fade away. It made the crashing waves recede, and it made clarity possible. I would rather be in God’s will in a cave halfway across the world than outside His plan in a comfortable mansion.

What the world might view as failure I saw as faith.

What might appear to be calamity was God’s intervention, His perfect timing.

What would sensibly be titled a tragedy from a worldly perspective just seemed like a next step for kingdom purposes.

What seemed out of our control was most definitely out of our control, but also a wonderful opportunity to surrender.

What seemed crazy to others probably meant you were on the right track!

When you’re following God’s will, seeking His face, and giving your life in infinite surrender, even what seems like a valley is just a walk of total trust.

It’s an opportunity for God to provide.

Have you ever heard, “ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

When you ask God for something don’t be surprised when He answers. Even if the answer isn’t exactly how you imagined it would be.

Trust is walking forward even if you don’t understand how a particular path gets you best to where you want to go.

Hope is believing you’re getting there.

Faith is accepting what the world calls failure if God calls it victory.

I sat with my five year old in a doctor’s office waiting room, and as she handed me her pink, VTech camera to go play with a plastic, farm house I smiled. I looked across from me and saw a young boy around her age happily enthralled with an electronic tablet, his mother with head bent focusing on her phone. The pull to grab mine out of my purse was there. I looked back to my daughter as she returned to me, already bored with the barn, and she reached quickly for her camera. It didn’t just take pictures. It had filters, voice modulators, and tons of games too.

Just as quickly I suggested, “how about I read you a book?” Then I pointed at the books along the wall.

I smiled victoriously as she picked out one of my favorites by Dr. Seuss, but that seemed short-lived as we later left the doctor’s office. I grimaced as I watched my child blindly go forward in the parking lot, her eyes glued to an “educational” game on her kiddy device.

This. This was a struggle unique to our generation, and one that would probably only grow more difficult for future ones. I was a mom maneuvering my way through a technological age. On one hand I was blessed to have the opportunities to teach my children easier, but on the other I struggled with finding the balance for them, a balance that even adults struggled with.

A couple of months ago I had given my seven and five year olds our old cell phones. They didn’t have cell service on them, nor social media. So basically they were snazzy cameras and a way to watch videos or play games on WiFi, but still. But still, I watched them become absorbed into the devices. Even though we limited their time on them, they seemed to always be asking for them. We ended up making the phones conveniently disappear, and as I watched my daughter try and record YouTube videos with her VTech, walking unaware into traffic, I figured the same needed to happen with the pink camera. They just weren’t at a maturity level to deal with the pull technology took on their little brains. Even as a forty year old woman I had to tell myself to shut off my Facebook and put mine down at times. Just being honest.

My parents didn’t have to worry with this sort of thing! When I was five I remember being quite taken with a cassette recorder, but when given the opportunity I would have rather been in the pool. When I was around eleven or twelve I was indeed obsessed with my Nintendo, Friday the 13th game, but I also would spend sunup to sundown running through the woods. I loved me some Saturday morning cartoons, but otherwise I was mending frogs, riding the tires off my bike, and having sleepovers with my buddies where we actually talked verbally to one another instead of Snapping photos back and forth. I experienced cliques and bullying in high school, for sure, but there’s many a day I thank the Lord that social media didn’t exist when I was a teen. The level of cruelty and malevolence that can take place behind the safety of a screen is unparalleled. My parents didn’t have to deal with this, and many days I wish I didn’t either.

As a mom today you’re torn between utilizing the positive attributes of technology, or wanting to bury every single cell phone, iPad, and laptop, and go off the grid. I mean, you have to admit that a DVD player in the minivan is handy on a seven hour road trip, and for supermarket meltdowns nothing saves your sanity like a Surprise Egg video, but then you have to admit too that it’s a slippery slope not letting technology be your babysitter. Sometimes it’s easier to let your teen get on social media and socialize with her friends rather than deal with the moody brooding, but the zombie look in her eyes as her fingers swiftly move across the screen makes you wonder, can this be a good thing?!!

So here I am trying my best. I’m trying to figure out when to tell my teenage stepdaughter to put the phone away even though “all her friends are doing it,” and when to keep it out of my young daughters’ hands as much as possible. I’m fighting to not let the convenience of technology steal my parenting from me. I’m trying to be a better example by letting go of the things that keep me distracted and on my phone when they need me.

It’s not always easy to see the lines. I remember when I was a kid my friend’s mom worried we would catch AIDS from mosquitoes (an unnecessary concern). Today you have to worry about your twelve year old running off with a sexual predator she met online (a legitimate concern, even if you don’t want to admit it). My folks worried about me sneaking out my window, and I remember my dad nailing it shut. Today we search our kids’ browser history, but just like I figured out a way to get outside unknown, so do kids today. Nowadays, though, it just so happens they can get into plenty of trouble right in their own room, from their unsupervised screen time.

We are in a new realm of parenting. It’s foreign, uncharted territory, and it’s scary. Now, more than ever, we need to be praying for guidance as we lead our children through a technological world that tries to harm them. Now, more than ever, we need to be listening to the Lord’s leading for our families, and listening to our children’s silent cries for help in a world where real social interaction and active play elude them. We need to be the advocates for our children in a confusing, distracting world. We need to be the anchor that keeps them balanced in a social media world that tries to carry them away in a fictional cloud of what’s important. We need to be the compass that guides them to what really matters, like face-to-face relationships, and teaches them that kindness can still prevail in a trolling, keyboard-warrior world.

We have our work cut out for us, parents, but I believe we can do it. So sure, if you want to share this with your friends, do, but then put your phone down! Pick up a book, pull your kid into your lap, before it’s too late, and dive back in time to a world before cells phones and social media guided our existence.

The other day I woke up and I just wasn’t feeling it. Good, that is. I felt kinda down, about nothing in particular, and I immediately wondered if it was something I had done. Or rather, had not done.

The day before had been a busy one for me, and reflecting back I realized I had not read my Bible as much as usual or spent time specifically on my knees in prayer. I mean, I had talked to God. I’m typically in consistent, off and on conversation with the Lord. But knowing that I felt better when I absorbed myself in the word, I blamed my poor mood on my neglect of quiet time.

As I thought about this, though, pretty quickly I felt the Lord tell me that wasn’t right.

“I’m here,” He said. “I’m always with you, no matter what you do or don’t do.”

Now don’t get me wrong and think that I’m saying time reading the Bible or praying isn’t important. It’s very important! The problem occurs when you think the level of your relationship with Jesus is just dependent on your works. We all know it’s by grace we are saved, but as humans we also like to “do.” We try and dig deeper, seek harder, and if things don’t work out perfectly we assume it’s either something we’re doing, or something we’re not. Yet sometimes you just gotta rest. You have to rest in the fact that God loves you and is always with you.

So seek the Lord, but don’t think that if bad feelings or circumstances occur that it’s because you’re not seeking hard enough. That diminishes the fact that the Holy Spirit already lives inside you when you accept Jesus as your Savior.

Spend quiet time with Jesus as much as you can, but understand that when life distracts you from Him, it doesn’t distract Him from you. Rest in the fact that His hand guides you even when you forget to ask.

So, quiet time and digging in the Word is important! But it’s not the most important thing. The most important thing is trusting God with your life, realizing that His mercy and grace is a gift that doesn’t depend on what you do. Or what you don’t.

I have been putting on the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18) for some time, but I can still recall the first time I considered my own righteousness. As I routinely said the words I was so familiar with about the breastplate of righteousness the Lord spoke to my heart.

You’re righteous.

Wait. What?! I’ll be honest. I kinda wanted to argue with God on that one.

I’m not righteous, I thought. I’m a dirty ole mess.

You are righteous because I have made you righteous. Because of me in you, you can be called righteous.

This was a hard pill for me to swallow. I had grown up in a religious system that said, “you’re a sinner!” And that was pretty much what I got out of it all. I knew that my sinful nature made me unworthy of eternal life! I mean, I believed I was going to heaven, but I most identified myself as a Christian by the title of sinner.

How many times have you said, “I’m just a sinner.”

How often do we humbly proclaim our human nature as sinful, but in the process decrease our worth as Christ followers? It is indeed true that our sin makes us less, but we somehow forget that He makes us more. We become so indoctrinated to the idea of our nature being choked full of sin that it overshadows the truth that we are new creations in Christ. When we accept Christ as our personal savior we are made new, but the devil will try to tell us that we’re still unworthy because of sin. And while it’s true that sin separates us from God, the fact is that the blood of Jesus redeems us to the Father.

One of the mistakes we can make as Christians is putting more focus on our sinful nature than we do our new self, the one that is forgiven and made clean. We accept the power of sin in our life, but downplay the power of God to overcome it. As followers of Jesus we are righteous because He is righteous. He makes us more than conquerors. We are a holy people because the Holy Spirit dwells within us. So, when was the last time you considered yourself holy?

If you’re like me you may think words like holy or righteous can’t apply to you. Your past mistakes may especially make you feel undeserving of God’s power in your life. But God’s Word states we are washed clean and made new when we accept His gift of forgiveness. One thing that helped me was to realize it wasn’t something that depended on me. I didn’t have to be good enough or work harder for salvation or to obtain this perfect Christian mantle. It was a gift, the grace of God that saved me and redeemed me.

I could be righteous. I could be holy. I could be one of God’s chosen people simply for accepting His gift of salvation. I was more than my sin. I was a child of God. It wasn’t just about me, but rather He who lived in me. This didn’t mean I could go about my life never worrying about the temptation of sin; it just meant I wasn’t ruled by sin anymore. Instead of lamenting “I’m just a sinner,” you can proudly proclaim, “I am a child of God.”

When I was growing up my parents always threw a New Year’s Eve party, but as I started my own family I realized my husband wasn’t a huge celebrator of the holiday. Having small children, it wasn’t like we stayed up super late, and we weren’t much for partying anyway. Watching the ball drop wasn’t exciting for any of us, and though the kids enjoyed the noise makers I bought last year, me, not so much. So this year I wondered what I could do different.

I mean, I wanted to do something. I like the idea of a new year, new you, but resolutions (and the tendency to break them) seem overdone to me. I want to love each day with the same vigor as January 1st, but I did want to memorialize the day that says to my heart what’s written in Isaiah.

So I came up with a little activity for the kids that I thought would be a great learning experience. I gave everyone two pieces of paper, one labeled 2017 and one 2018. On the 2017 we wrote situations that we didn’t like that year, whether it was things we did wrong or things that were done wrong to us. Anything that we considered negative. Then we burned the slips of paper in the fireplace.

I explained to the girls that much like God’s forgiveness of our sins when we sought it, the fire would burn these things away. Like the blood of Jesus, the fire could take away the past. It would be gone, and it wouldn’t be left around in 2018 for us to dwell on or be held back by.

The mistakes or transgressions against us for 2017 were gone.

On the paper labeled 2018 we wrote down things we desired for the new year. I really gave them freedom with their lists. Some of them were goals for self, but others were things they wanted to do or places they wanted to visit. Some were ways we wanted the Lord to work in us, while others were hope of fulfillment for the dreams and desires God had given us. These slips of paper were written-hope, dreams for the future, proclamations of growth and improvement. They were prayers. We spoke God’s blessing over these prayers for 2018, and we folded them up to keep in a safe place.

I told the girls that everything they wrote down may not happen that year, that God may see fit for these things to occur in 2019, or not at all. I made sure they understood that the Lord knew best, but that also He enjoyed them asking for the desires of their heart, and that He loved it when they came to Him in all things, and with a hope for all things. I also explained to my five year old why writing down “that it will rain candy” wasn’t an overall good thing to hope for. Ahh, I love children.

I love that they are so eager to hope, eager to ask, eager to seek, and quick to leave the problems of 2017 in the ashes. Perhaps this will be a new tradition for us.

I can remember roughly six years ago reading the Old Testament and I paused at one verse in particular. Well, actually, if you’ve sat down and read the Old Testament through I’m sure you’ll agree that you do a lot of stopping and pondering, but the specific verse I’m referring to was in Exodus.

Exodus 9:12

But the LORD hardened Pharaoh’s heart and he would not listen to Moses and Aaron, just as the LORD had said to Moses.

Upon first reading I naturally couldn’t understand. Why would God turn the heart of a man against those who He found favor in, like Moses and the Israelites? I mean, He wanted His people to go. Later, God would show me why.

But at the time I thought about it throughout the day off and on as I cleaned house, and somewhere between the bathroom sink and tub I felt the Lord speak to me. Have you ever had situations where God speaks to your spirit and it’s so powerful and certain that you have no doubt it’s His voice? Well, I’ve had this happen several times over the years, and this was one of those times. The thing was, in my human mind it made no sense what He said. It didn’t seem to coincide with things I had learned so far in my Christian walk, yet for some reason it just resonated with my spirit as true. I’ll try to explain.

As I stood scrubbing my bathroom I felt the Lord impress strongly upon me, “I hardened his heart. I changed it.”

I knew immediately what He was referring to. Although, at the time, it was about four years since my divorce, I had recently begun having trouble with it. I hated that it bothered me! After all, I had gotten remarried to a wonderful man, and we had started a beautiful family. I was incredibly happy; I had no doubt, yet some strange part of me felt bad about my divorce. I did believe divorce to be a sin, but I had confessed to the Lord my fault in that relationship. I suppose a large part of my pain from my divorce resided in the fact that I felt rejected and unworthy. My ex-husband had come home one day and proclaimed he did not love me anymore.

Anytime you become one flesh with someone you make soul ties that are not easily broken. I had spent years working through the release of this relationship, but what remained was a broken piece of myself that felt I was the kind of woman worth leaving. It had wounded me deeply, following in the heart-steps of my biological father’s abandonment of me, and while I need you to understand that I’m not trying to play the victim card here, I am laying out honestly how my human heart felt after these broken relationships.

So when I felt the Lord tell me that He had hardened my ex-husband’s heart it was like a weight lifted from my shoulders. In that moment I felt a peace about the divorce I had never experienced before, and I have never experienced any sadness or regret about the relationship since. At that moment I gave it completely to Jesus, and I’ve never tried to take the pain back.

You might have a raised eyebrow right now and be asking, “but why would God tell your husband to divorce you?! That’s not Biblical!” And I agree with you. It’s not. The Lord didn’t tell my ex to ask me for a divorce. He made that decision all on his own. But I am of the belief that the Lord did intervene for my life similar to how He worked with pharaoh.

Back to the Old Testament. The thing is, Pharaoh was never gonna let God’s people go. He hardened his own heart towards them multiple times. God knew what Pharaoh was going to do before Pharaoh did. God simply hastened along what the man had in his heart already, for the purposes of His will.

Now, I’m not saying my ex is like Pharaoh, but I am saying this. I do not believe I entered into the marriage seeking God’s will, and I certainly had turned my back to Him at the time. I was living outside of God’s will for my life, and while I don’t believe God would tear apart my marriage (since He is against divorce), I do believe that when he saw my ex-husband’s heart was headed that way, He worked the disaster that was ensuing to His kingdom purposes. My ex was unhappy. He had told me so a year prior to our divorce. He had refused counseling, and rather than us floundering through the unhealthy and damaging, eventual destruction, I believe God hardened that man’s heart to me the rest of the way.

In the midst of the pain of my broken marriage I turned back to God, as human hearts often do in times of trial. I’m slightly ashamed it took such a thing to make me cry out to Him, but I’m grateful He used it to begin bringing me back to the plans He had for my life all along.

So what’s the purpose of this post? Am I preaching? Certainly not. No theologian here, for sure. Am I sharing brokenness, and how I believe that God worked what the devil meant for my harm to His good? Absolutely. You might not agree, and you don’t have to. It’s between the Lord and me what He fulfills in my life. But if you find yourself in a tough spot right now, under condemnation rather than conviction, or under self-loathing rather than seeing yourself worthy in His sight, then I hope this might help you in some small way. Because even in the midst of your worst struggles, biggest failures, and most trying times, God is there. He directs paths, heals hurts, and brings beauty from the ashes for those who turn to His mercy, grace, and forgiveness.

My husband is a Christian, but he’s never been the kind of guy who wears a neon, flashing sign that says Jesus, dropping tracts in his path. Instead he’s the quiet, contemplative type who listens to the Lord’s prompting while loving big every person he encounters. Whether it be a needed smile or even a big hug, he’s the type of man who shows you the heart of Jesus through his everyday walk.

Earlier this year, when the weather just started to get warm, he made a point to give a delivery man a bottle of water. Being a restaurant owner, my husband encountered people on a regular basis, and he liked to spread his friendly warmth with everyone who came across his path. And so it was with a guy who delivered regularly to his store. When the fella would show up he’d always offer a cool drink and a kind word.

I can even recall being with him one day and watching him jog off after saying to me, “be right back.” I had watched as he ran to the cooler, handed the gentleman a water bottle, smiling as they spoke back and forth exchanging friendly banter, then seeing him conclude the conversation with an affectionate pat on the guy’s back before waving goodbye and coming back to me.

So I can’t say I was surprised when he recently shared with me a conversation between the man and himself. The delivery man shared with my husband just how much their interactions over the year had meant to him. He explained some serious trials he had endured just that year, and how my husband’s constant kind words and actions had helped him in a way my spouse could never know.

That’s the thing, you see. You never can know how your actions can impact those around you. A kind word, a smile, a listening ear, or even a cold drink on a hot day. It can be just the small token someone needs to believe the world is still good. So as you bustle about your busy day, be it this holiday season, or even afterwards, the very best gift you can give to those around you is your kindness. Your time, your attention, and your conversation may be the very thing someone is looking for right that moment. Something as simple as a smile can be the hands and feet of Jesus, and something as easy to offer as a bent ear can be a lifeline for someone going through a difficult time.

As 2018 approaches I pray we all may be the light this world needs, and realize that to many we may be the only example of Christ that they encounter.

Meet Brie

Brie is a thirty-something (sliding ever closer to forty-something) wife and mother. When she's not loving on her hubby, bouncing a happy toddler on her hip, chasing her preschooler, or teaching her six year old at the kitchen table, she enjoys cooking, reading, and writing down her thoughts to share with others. But honestly she loves nothing more than watching a great movie, or a hot bath, alone if the children allow. Which never happens.Read More…

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