To you who find yourself in a dark place. In the place where all hope seems lost and life appears to have stolen purpose away from you. To you in despair, anxiety and depression because life was just too much to handle.

One of the things I found really troublesome in addition to depression was the shame that came with it.

Dealing with depression is hard. Really hard.

For years I didn’t even recognize what was happening to me. I was experiencing an ever increasing low that soon was accompanied with anxious behavior in every waking hour. It eventually became chronic.

Depression would tell me that I was worthless, that life was worthless. Anxiety would tell me I was to feel ashamed for feeling that way. The two together became an everlasting dark circle.

When we feel ashamed of something we tend to keep silent about it. As do I.

I was convinced that opening up about my feelings and experience would make I people distance themselves from me. I was really afraid of how people would react.

So I continued to stay silent, forcing myself to cope with something I was sure no one else would give a damn about. But, I was wrong.

Trying to hide depression from the world made everything worse, not better. My anxiety worsened and suicidal thoughts became a daily encounter. Coming home from work I would break down in tears, panic and despair every night for months.

I had one friend which knew, at least partially, what was going on. This friend would try to convince me to seek professional help. I would not listen, or was too afraid and ashamed to take the advice. What would the doctors believe? What would friends and family think of me if I finally gave in and asked for help?

I was convinced that people would see me as a week person, as someone unable to handle a normal life, as a unworthy person deserving to be left alone. I believed they would treat me as the scraps I already felt like.

One night my suicidal thoughts was so strong that I was convinced my end was nigh. I wanted an end to the pain. It was either that or finally choose help.

I chose to ask for help.

I called my friend at 2 am. The friend would listen to me describing my pain for 2 hours. As I talked I became calmer and we decided that I would go to emergency the following day. Which I did.

Despite all the pain and darkness I somewhere within me wanted life more than death. I realized the death I had sought for in reality was for the pain to go away, not for me to go away.

It’s been 2,5 years since that night. Two and a half years of truly hard work, but also work that’s been worth it. I’m leading a content, satisfying life today. I’m happy and glad more than I am sad. Life goes up and down, for sure. But, I never hit those extreme depression lows anymore. And intense anxiety is pretty much absent from my day to day life.

If you’re reading this and shame or something else keeps you from seeking help, I want to encourage you to seek for help despite that. I know it’s hard, but I also know it’s worth it. And you are truly worth something better than the trap of depression. If you can, please try to put the opinions of others aside for just one moment and decide that your wellbeing is worth more than their opinions.

Shame has no rights. Change is indeed possible. Depression is not a final destination.

Nature doesn’t judge…and if there’s one thing a soul which used to be depressed and anxious needs, then it’s to be somewhere where there’s no judgement.

Sounds like a cliche, doesn’t it? Back to nature.

However, that’s what I’ve been doing a lot of lately. Spent much time in nature. It’s been a retreat for the mind, heart and soul.

In the environment of the forest, there’s no stress. Everything happens at a low pace. There’s no time to keep track of, no impressions from a pulsating city life. Nothing wants my attention, I can give my attention to whatever I want, whenever and how I want.

Ever since I started dealing with depression I’ve been looking for things that give relief, calm and sense of peacefulness. Time after time nature proves to be this thing for me.

Whether I engage in hiking for hours in various landscapes, bring my camera to search for interesting nature motifs or lose myself in a book under the shadow of trees, a simple inner peace and bliss is bound to appear and nurture my being in a way that I don’t find anywhere else.

There’s much to learn. Nature doesn’t judge, it’s simply just there, letting me enjoy and explore it. Letting me be myself within it, without evaluating. And if there’s one thing a soul which used to be depressed and anxious needs, then it’s to be somewhere where there’s no judgement.

In nature I’ve found a space to be just me, it’s become a place to recharge, experience inner peace and become inspired.

Whatever it may mean for you, I encourage anyone to search for their place of bliss. I hope to always return to mine…

I’ve really been struggling with my ties to social media lately. All honour to the wonders of the internet, but there’s something about it that makes me emotionally ill.

It’s not necessarily because the internet in itself is wrong. I think it’s because it’s wrong for me at this time and place in my life.

Before my depression, I was a very active musician and overall creative person. I wrote music for hours a day and loved doing it. I pretty much lost all of that to the illness. I long so much to get back to a creative lifestyle and my heavy involvement with the internet is currently preventing that from happening.

I experience a nagging drain of energy whenever I go on social media nowadays, to the point when I start to feel low. At the same time, I suffer from not being the creative person I once was. I need to make a thorough effort to get that back into my life.

Social media has become the roadblock which keeps me from moving forward into a new life. I need to change.

To my friends that I’ve met on various platforms. Rest assured I will be back when the time is right. I need to balance up, so I hope you will understand.

I used to experience anxiety as something attacking out of the blue, without a clear trigger or origin. For years it was an experience that the whole word somehow hated me and wanted to make sure this continued.

When I learned more about it I found that most of my anxiety was connected to some kind of illogical or wrong perception of things and persons around me.

I also learned that anxiety has stages. It doesn’t have to trigger an immediate emotional and physical response.

It can be stopped at what I call the interpretation-stage and thought-stage. Often my anxiety was triggered by something someone said or some social event I was invited to take part in(which actually also is something someone said i.e. an invitation etc). It almost immediately spawned some kind of panic or meltdown.

While me mostly can’t do much to control any input I believe that the stages of interpretation and thought can be altered to result in different emotions and avoid physical reactions.

There is never just one interpretation of any input. If we can learn that we are in the position to interpret or change the narrative of our response that might lead to better emotions and possibly avoid an anxiety meltdown or panic attack.

It’s not done in a switch, I’m aware of that. For me it was a determined decision to start training myself to interpret and think differently about impressions I wasn’t very good at handling. Two years ago I almost had anxiety meltdowns every day. It had been going on for more than a year. Today I nearly feel anxious at all.

Anxiety is hell, it really is. You deserve to know you don’t have to be enslaved by it forever. Have courage and go directly to its core in order to disarm it.

For a long period in my depression I blamed factors, events and people outside of myself for my situation. I wanted someone or something to be responsible for what had happened to me. I became bitter at those people who mentally abused me for years. I used a lot of my time, energy and focus to direct my anger and bitterness towards them.

But, here’s the catch: bitterness never healed me.

Hear me out. I certainly believe there’s a time to be angry at our wrongdoers, it seems a natural response in some sense. But, if that develops into some kind of bitterness we’re starting to damage ourself instead of healing ourself.

What I found is that no matter how right we might be when we put the blame and responsibility on our wrongdoers they will not be the ones to come and fix us in our present now. Nor will they in the future.

When I with help from my therapist realized there’s empowerment in taking responsibility for my own situation I was finally able to start dealing with my pain and hurts. I’m not to blame for what happened to me in the past, but I can still take responsibility for what happens from this day on.

The hurts are mine. I’ve chosen to do something about them. I choose healing.

About my childhoods’ christian church and how their preaching depressed me.

To depress.

Up until about a year ago I had never thought of depression as an action. I’m all familiar with terms like “being depressed” or “having depression”. I myself tend to think about depression as extreme and physical pain, a dark cloud, a void of only darkness and apathy. Meaninglessness. A state. But, as a verb? Never.

To depress.

One of the therapists I’ve seen in the past unveiled this idea of thinking to me. Depress in one of the literal meanings is to press down.

So if something is pressed down, what then is causing the pressing? What is pressed down and who or what is the reason for this happening?

I began looking to my own history for answers.

I was born into an unhealthy church environment where a great part of the concept was to serve the agenda of the leaders. You were supposed to put your own person and interests aside in order to serve god.(Or as that dude Paul would say it: “I have been crucified…and I no longer live…”)

I was slowly molded into a mental slave, becoming someone who did all in his might to obey god and church leaders, and please every person I came in contact with. For the sake of god. The more I obeyed the church the more I erased myself.

This is where depression comes in. For 25 years I learned how to perfectly press down anything that was the authentic or true me. I learned to hate myself and worship god. By the year 2011 Andreas was in fact more or less gone. The agenda of a power hungry church had depressed me and by their brainwash I had learned to depress myself. I thought I was doing the right thing, but had fully ignored that which was the actual me.

Understanding that something was being depressed within me due to my past was a great eye opener and help to me. I showed me areas in my life which had been lost and starved for years. It helped me see where I could start working with myself to find restoration and healing for the whole person that is I.

It’s been a painful journey to open the wounds and rebuild myself. But, it’s also a beautiful journey when we start to heal.

Depression is an illness. Depression is a state. And sometimes, it’s also a verb.

“BBC Minute spoke to Andreas Gerden about what it’s like to suffer from depression. He talks about how it feels to have depression, how important it is to have someone who cares about you and how he is fighting it.”

We’ve all seen those “Things Not To Say To Someone With Depression” posts. And while they are all well meant and beneficial on many occasions we should not forget there are things we can say to someone with depression or anxiety to show them our support.

I’ve tried to make a list of things people have said to me that helped me while I suffered severely from depression and anxiety. Some are things I wish that people would’ve said.

I understand and acknowledge that you are in pain, the intense emotion will pass and I will stay with you through it.

What can I do for you?

Even if I don’t know what depression is like, I will not leave. I want to learn and understand.

Can I give you a hug?

I’ll give you the space and time you need.

Let’s go for a walk.

Your thoughts and emotions are not who you are. You are so much more than them.

Don’t give up. There’s help to get and I’ll help you find it.

You are welcome as you are, you don’t have to perform.

You can always call if you need me, even in the middle of the night.

We’d love to have you around even if you don’t feel like being social. You can just be.

I don’t know what anxiety and depression feels like, but I give you my company.

You matter, even though you might not feel that you do right now.

I listen to you and take what you say seriously.

We love you and are not giving up on you.

I don’t claim this list to be universal, but these comments from others have been very helpful to me. I hope they can help others too.

What are some things someone has said to you that you found helpful, or something you said that helped someone?