Saturday, January 6, 2018

and You're already there.... / no one can steal our joy

so i've survived D2!! it's a huge luxury to be able to shadow cos my ENTIRE WORKING LIFE i have never shadowed ever ive always had to start proper work from day 1. i guess for things like im/ paeds/surg they assume u learnt it in medical schoo lol. whereas this is VERY SPECIALIZED. immense thanks to the AMAZING edward who is so nice and kind and teaching me everything!! i couldnt thank him enough. i promise to be a very pro and functional ward mo next week! thank you to the nice resident who i followed tag call with!

still learning the slit lamp and how to use the lens HAHA i am not very good at it currently. was practising with my fellow newb bryan after work on fri. ensue hilarity.

me: "ooh i see something! oh this is cool!" *fiddles with the lens
edward : "i think that's skiN hahahaha"
bryan: "you're definitely not at the right place cos there's no light at my eye leh!"

i felt a little bit like a medical student all over again. but with prescribing rights hahahaha. and like high bp doesnt worry me one bit. "bp 160 ah. oh ok give amlo".

THEN i went back to my fav place in the whole world for two nights running. it was great. hashtag frequent flyer. maybe i could get some milo and biscuits too hahah. it is so lovely seeing all the nurses and bosses again. saw one of my FAV BOSSES dr a!!

there was a very exciting ed case and everyone was so excited. the reg was like "go prepare! go go go" and my fellow mos ran out very fast to prepare. pretty cool to be part of it haha.

~
such a comforting song!
"Already There" - casting crowns

From where I'm standing
Lord it's so hard for me to see
Where this is going
And where You're leading me
I wish I knew how
All my fears and all my questions
Are gonna play out
In a world I can't control

When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memoryCause You're already thereStanding at the end of my lifeWaiting on the other side

From where You're standingLord, You see a grand designThat You imaginedWhen You breathed me into lifeAnd all the chaosComes together in Your handsLike a masterpieceOf Your picture perfect plan

One day I'll stand before You
And look back on the life I've lived
I can't wait to enjoy the view
And see how all the pieces fit

~
dear God, sometimes life is very confusing BUT. THANK YOU for showing me the way. thank you for showing me what i should do with this one life, thank you for giving me so many cool learning experiences and nice people to help me along the way. i'm very very sure what i want to do with life now.

~
tenth avenue north- no one can steal our joy
Even when the fear surrounds us
Even in the dead of night
Even in the darkest shadow
You will never leave our side

Even when our dreams are shattered
And all of our strength gives way
You're the hope that can't be taken
Even in the midst of pain

No one can steal our joy
Nothing can ever destroy
the light in our eyes
Christ our delight
Our hope and reward

No one can steal our joy
Even if our hearts betray us
Tears are falling down our face

If we ever feel forsaken
We know You have felt the same
Even when we fight temptation
Even when we stand accused
We know that you will defend us
We can always run to You

What can man do to us?
We give our idols up
The best is yet to come

~
due to some special masses i went for church really often over the christmas and new yr period
like it was christmas eve mass - shift - christmas day mass - shift
then new yrs it was sunday church - shift- first day of new yr mass

it was actually a very good experience cos i felt closer to God than usual. i mean this year despite doing shift work and all i actually managed to go for nearly every sunday mass so that's really good! and despite all my life uncertainties i think i actually haven't lost my God yet which is v good pwahaha. but somehow this festive season and with all the rotation changes and all it was a good time to ask God for some peace/ grace/ blessings/ encouragement to keep on going which i felt very strongly. i really do think that even after all these years, God is still walking this road with me. whether i am in a place alone with an eternal winter with God walking side by side and the two sets of footprints in the snow, or in a place surrounded with many people and friends in an eternal summer but with this haze that waxes and wanes and is completely unpredicatable, God is still with me through it all. the only one coming and going is me when i succumb to the pressures of this human life intermittently.
yeah i made a crazy choice reccently, i dont know why either. but i do know this - that God is somehow still there and if he has brought me so far, he is going to continue bringing me through this. i somehow have a suspicion that even this is part of God's (very confusing to me) plan.
even if it's not - He will make all things beautiful in his time!

i mean He did teach me how to set plugs HAHA. e the pro plug setter who could have ever guessed?!!

"i am fighting for you
i'll never stop
i'll never stop
start walking with your head held high
every trouble that you ever walk through
peace my child, i am fighting for you"
tenth avenue north - fighting for you

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sanctus real ride it out

And ride it out through the sea of doubtThe wind will take you where you're meant to beThe waves will break when your Creator speaksAnd when it's over you will clearly seeThat the storm was only there to show you what it takes to believe

I know you and I, we can make it through make it through

When crashing waves pull you down in the undertow

Reach out your hand and I swear I won't let you go

Shine down Your light so I can see

credits to thought catalog

Thank you for the pain. Thank you for the days I was afraid of my future, for the heartbreak, for the tough lessons, for the exhaustion and brokenness. Because I learned I am whole in you.

Thank you for the unanswered prayers.

Because this life is not about receiving what I ask for, not about basing my relationship with you on what I get, not about wishes being granted and having things my way. For your plan is greater than mine will ever be. And every unanswered prayer was a blessing in disguise.

Thank you for being all that I needed. For listening when I poured my heart out, for guiding me when I lost my footing, for being a source of inspiration and trust, for staying when the world turned its back.

Thank you for forgiveness. For forgiving me, for helping me learn to forgive, for the way forgiveness heals and saves and lets us begin again with new hope. Thank you for building my heart back to its full strength. Thank you for showing me how beautiful life can be when we let go. Thank you for opportunities, for new beginnings.