Entries in Whole Foods
(12)

WHAT YOU SHOULD ORDER AT... is a recurring column designed in kind for your opinionated asses and our lazy asses. When the mood strikes, we pick one Park Slope-area eatery and recommend our favorite dish. Are we right? Are we wrong? YOU KNOW YOU WANNA WEIGH IN.

Did y'all folks realize that Whole Foods is God's gift to man? It's true. Just look it up on the internet.

As such, we Brooklynites are blessed. Back in December, we found God & the long, bloody reign of Food Coop terror came to an end. We finally got our Whole Foods. Years before that glorious day, we knew that this first ever Brooklyn Whole Foods, situated yards from a Superfund site, would be the most Brooklyny Whole Foods EVA. When it opened, we saw the tons of local BROOKLYN vendors & products. We flinched at the questionable knife-sharpening station. We applauded the Whole Foods creative team for choosing the name "The Roof" for their rooftop bar. SO BROOKLYN. Then we tried to find the entrance to said rooftop bar. We walked through the whole fucking store before finding the entrance.

It's SUMMA BITCHES! Shit's been SO DAMN HOTT out there. This past week, shit's also been SO DAMN HOTT in the world of Park Slope food & drink. It's a literal whirlwind out there! Times be tough. Restaurants can't survive no more. There is no future. We're all gonna die one day. Before we all die, let's reflect on all the recent activity in Park Slope...

It's SUMMA BITCHES! That means your fat ass should be inhaling as much ice cream as humanly possible before the shitty winter months arrive. In furtherance of this cause, next TuesdayAmple Hills is finally getting around to opening up their MEGASHOP in Parkwanus. Gorge away, ice cream enthusiast. SALTED CRACK CARAMEL!!! FAT! ASS!

Do you like new signage? Does the idea of fresh, commercial signage just get you SO DAMN HOTT?!!! This past week, signage finally went up at two of the Barclays area's coming attractions--Doughnut Plant & Shake Shack. Stop by the Barclays area. Gaze up at the new signage. Take a mental pic. Go off & masturbate somewhere.

Reason TV wanted to know, so they sent former MTV heartthrob Kennedy out to investigate. From what I can gather in this video, old people are outraged at Hell Foods' imminent arrival, while Food Coop members don't give a shit since they get their organic quinoa dirt cheap anyway.

Seeing Kennedy on TV again (be it Internet TV) is making me nostalgic for the 90's. I think I'm going to pop in a casette tape of Veruca Salt, tear into a pack of Gushers and watch Reality Bites on VHS until my mom calls me for dinner.

Well, guys. Whole Foods did it. After the organic market spent eight whole years hovering its ass over Gowanus -- a process that FiPS reader Thomas just yesterday called "completely exhausting," The Board of Standards and Appeals has unanimously voted to grant them permission to build a 56,000 square foot store on 3rd Ave and 3rd Street.