How to deal with warring co-workers without getting burned

WORKING effectively with others is an essential career skill but, like common sense, it's not that common.

Being perceived as a natural leader and peer mediator can boost your corporate image. Butting into the middle of an office fray can also backfire, doing irreparable damage to your interpersonal work relationships.

Whether it's a matter of people simply not liking each other, a high-stress environment or a competitive work atmosphere, it's hard to ensure everyone gets along - and besides, that's not your job. You're not their boss, yet.

Workplace tension

But if the tension, name calling and nastiness is affecting productivity, bringing down your department's morale or impacting your job performance, you might have to bite the bullet and do something about it.

Using humour sometimes works to draw attention to inappropriate, unproductive, childish behavior. You can also refuse to be triangled in a workplace conflict by stating, "That's between you two," and walking away from gossip, back-stabbing comments and chronic complaint sessions.

On occasion, though, the workplace combatants might hint that they want someone to intercede and help them work out their issues. Here are some points to consider:

What to do about it

Assess the situation objectively

Are you certain you are not personally implicated in this dispute? If it is between two supposed adults, you're not involved and you are not in a position of authority, maybe you should just tune out when they begin their banter.

Ignoring their behaviour won't help them resolve their issues, but it might be the safest course of action for your career.

Determine if your involvement will help or hinder

Stepping in to intervene between colleagues who are at odds with each other is a touchy issue that can end up biting you in the rear. Review your mediation skills and communication style. Whether or not you can pull this off has a lot to do with how you are perceived by those involved.

If you have the respect of the people involved, you might be able to serve as a mediator. This will be more effective if you are known as a straight shooter who tells it like it is. You need to be unbiased, a good listener and a creative problem solver. Above all, you must be trustworthy, discreet and not a brown-noser.

Set up a meeting, make rules and keep quiet about it.

Set up a mediation meeting

Invite both parties to meet with you on neutral territory. A conference room or a closed office is good. A quiet corner of an off-site coffee shop is better because the combatants are less likely to lose their cool in public. Consider carefully whether you should meet with them alone. It might be useful to have a trusted colleague attend with you as a silent observer and witness.

Establish ground rules

Make an opening statement clarifying your role. You're not taking sides, it's not a debate and no one needs to try to convince you that they're right. Ask each one to state their case. Make it clear that no one is to interrupt while someone is speaking.

For this communication to be as constructive as possible, each person, including the mediator, must exercise restraint and demonstrate respect for the process, if not for each other. Don't permit any character attacks or generalisations. Explain the need to focus on the issues at hand, not ancient history.

Reframe and refocus

It's important that both parties feel that they've been heard. Avoid being judgmental. Be objective, repeat the concerns and seek clarification to ensure the problems are clearly identified and understood. Acknowledge feelings.

"It sounds like you are frustrated that George's reports have been late and that doesn't leave you much time to incorporate his data into your presentations."

Then and only then can you begin to deal with the business issues, like each party's deadlines, their reliance on other people's input and their responsibility to each other.

Find common ground

Be solution-oriented rather than accusatory. Use your best negotiation techniques, striving for a win-win result. You want to help them reach a mutually agreeable solution. You may need to suggest possible compromises and this will be easier if you have helped them find points of agreement first.

Know when to remove yourself

If the intervention gets out of hand and tempers start flaring, call a time-out and tell the workplace warriors to take a breather. If you see that this is beyond your scope of abilities, you might need to report the issue to a higher-up, if you haven't already done so. Decide on this in advance and be sure to tell both parties of your intention, or you'll be branded a stool pigeon.

Go to your superior

Ask for a meeting with your manager or Human Resources specialist. To ensure you don't look like a complainer, tell your higher-up that the tension between your teammates is counterproductive and impacting employee morale. Your manager might not want to be bothered by interoffice conflicts, hurt feelings and egos, so explain that you tried to deal with the issue yourself and ask for additional suggestions.

Maintain your professionalism

Don't toot your own horn. If senior management hears about your involvement in reconciling two battling colleagues, let it be from the parties involved. Maintain their confidentiality. Act like nothing ever happened and the two people you helped will appreciate and respect you.

Consider your career

No one wants to get involved in a workplace battle, but the risk might be worth taking if the conflicts begin destroying efficiency and morale. Those involved might even thank you. On the other hand, they might start a conflict with you, so consider your options carefully.

Before donning your superhero costume and trying to save the day, make sure you examine the situation thoroughly and act in the best interests of your own career.

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