"I sort of decided I didn't want to play because, for something I loved for so long, it sure gave me a lot of pain," said Leaf. "Even when I got out of recovery, the first thing on my mind was to do something football-wise. Maybe do something with the B.C. Lions, because I assumed I couldn't do anything else. All I knew was football, and then I just thought about it more and more, talked to my counsellor and my family, people around me and realized, for something that I loved for so long, it continued to give me pain."

Leaf has also now come to terms that he was a friendless dickhead during most of his playing days to his hyper-competitive nature. And when he was pill-popping, he became an anti-social nightmare for most of the people in his life. And he hates reporters, too, even though he's obviously talked to a couple of them in recent days to let them know about his recovery. But he'd rather not.

To be honest with you, I didn't want to do any of this," said Leaf, near the end of an hour-long interview in his downtown Vancouver apartment. "I don't want anybody to know anything about me. I'm scared to talk to reporters, because I never know. I've got such trust issues with them. But, if it helps the company that gave me the support, and they were willing to go hire a PR firm (to help me) . . . I'm putting my faith in a PR firm that does this for a living."

And Leaf plans on staying in Canada once he gets all his court dates and visa issues settled, so there is a chance that we will never, ever hear about Ryan Leaf again. It's the end of an era. Again.