Friday, January 13, 2012

BSNYC Friday Potluck!

Hi! [Said buoyantly.] Firstly, please note that I will not be posting a blog post to this blog on Monday the 16th, but will resume my regular posting of blog posts to this blog posting schedule on Tuesday the 17th. I apologize for any conveniences this may cause. However, I should also point out that Monday the 16th is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, so if you have any problem with my not posting that day then you're obviously a racist.

For their part, Specialized claims that Volagi owes them royalties to the smell of $41,000:

Earlier Wednesday, Specialized's lawyers called on an economist who said that, assuming Volagi borrowed intellectual property from Specialized, Volagi owed Specialized about $41,000 in royalties, based on comparable royalty rates he examined.

At first sniff this may seem like a lot of money, but it's actually only about two-and-a-quarter Specialized S-Works McLaren Venge Schmegmas:

You have to figure anyone who quits a job at Specialized leaves with crabon bikes the way the rest of us walk out with office supplies, so should the court decide against them the Volagi guys should have their debts paid off in no time.

Meanwhile, the Volagis called an expert witness who in turn claimed that Specialized appropriated the Roubaix concept from Seven Cycles:

Also on Wednesday, the defense called Sean Sullivan, a former product manager and executive vice president at Specialized. Sullivan was asked about the development of the Specialized Roubaix bike. Sullivan said its inspiration was a custom Seven Cycles bike that a Specialized employee rode, and which caught the eye of Specialized's founder and president Mike Sinyard. The Seven had a tall headtube and a relaxed geometry that the Roubaix later featured, Sullivan said.

After appropriating the design, Sinyard promptly fired the employee for riding a non-Specialized bicycle. Forced to seek an alternate career path, the former employee eventually landed a job writing for "The Simpsons," and the rest is television history:

Like many of you, I love riding bicycle cycles. However, I am strongly against wearing bicycle cycle parts on your body. Sure, I realize that everybody needs to know you ride a bike no matter how far away you are from that bike at any given moment, but the simple fact is that wearing bike parts is very dangerous, as the Kickstarter page itself shows. See, it starts off with cute stuff like keychains:

Then it progresses to bicycle chain bracelets:

Which is a gateway drug for creepy innertube sex masks:

And before you know it you're Mad Fred Beyond Thunderdork:

Anyway, here's the video, and if you decide to start wearing one of these things then don't say I didn't warn you:

Lastly, another reader has forwarded me the following image of David Byrne (who does not own either a car or a pet gorilla) from a recent issue of "Rolling Stone" magazine (which for some reason still exists) complete with smug helment-related caption:

Oh, save it, "Rolling Stone," he'll be fine. Of all the risky activities engaged in by all the musicians "Rolling Stone" has covered over the years, riding a bike without a helmet in the West Village is about as risky as a game of tiddlywinks. Half the people who have been on the cover of "Rolling Stone" have since died of drug overdoses, for Lob's sake. Where were they with the smug captions when Jimi Hendrix was about to choke to death on his own vomit?

In any case, if you're wondering what David Byrne looks so nonplussed about, the reader who sent this to me points out that it's probably the breast to his immediate right:

He may not wear a helmet, but he doesn't cotton to distractions.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the question, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll win $41,000 from the Volagi guys, and if you're wrong you'll see a compelling PSA.

Ride safe, ride happy, and beware of errant "side boob."

--Wildcat Rock Machine

(Tallis Navidad: Recent converts Alberto Contador and Oscar Pereiro still eight riders short of a minyan.)

1) In a move some suspect was contrived to ingratiate himself to the Israeli judge who will be deciding his case, Alberto Contador has converted to Hasidic Judaism.

I suspect that someday I will find myself shooting at the internet with a BB gun in an attempt to destroy this blog and rid the shame. I imagine the internet looks a lot like the Death Star, with one little weak spot that can be targeted to completely destroy it.

And further to yesterday's post, how could anyone suggest that Motley Crue were using performance enhancing drugs? The drugs most certainly did not enhance their performances.

Actually, I just can't get over the ingenuity:"They roll so godd*mn fast that we actually had to adjust the gearing on our first production models because traditional gear ratios moved too slowly." Actually, this is especially impressive since most builders, like Specialized, actually use the actual gears to make the bike actually go more slowly. Who'd have thought of using gears to actually make the bike go faster? Actually?

Dear Snob,following your call for places you should go to for a BRA event I would like to suggest one of the following two places, one of them being my former place of residence and the other my current:

Mannheim, Germany. This is the place where a certain Karl Freiherr von Drais resided and invented a fad which you mentioned in your first book by the nickname "Dandy horse". Another Carl - as well from this city - a few years later invented the horseless carriage about 126 years ago. His last name is Benz. This - of all places - should be the start of your BRA tour.

Nottingham, England. You should not miss this place on your world tour of BRA events. This is the very place where bicycles to my knowledge were produced on a large scale level by a company originally located in Raleigh street, Nottingham, England. Today you will find the Universitys Jubilee Campus at the same location where Raleigh bicycles and Sturmey Archer hubs once were made. There could not be a better place than an auditorium on this University campus.

I hope you will put these two places on the list of your BRA events.

Unfortunately I can only plost this as Anonymous as I do not have a Google account.

as a fellow helmetless bikecycler in nyc (I prioritize good hair over safety) I sort of respect The Man Without a Car for not kowtowing to the dainty masses by donning a helment. ride on mr byrne. by the way if you got any of teh questions wrong you will note in the 70's bike safety video that almost no one is wearing a helmet. has bikecycling become more dangerous in the past few decades, have our heads become more fragile or have we simply become the milquetoast generation. bottled water, antibacterial hand sanitizers, helments for every occassion, when will it all end? you've got to die sometime.

That is a very tacky chain wrap specialized tattoo. Real "creative" adaptation of the barbed wire or tribal band.Not nearly as cool as the Rapha Logo wrapped in silk scarves I just had inked to commemorate JPows victory.

I'd like recommend my basement apartment in SE Portland as a location for one of your BRA locations. I have an epic collection of tall bikes. Sadly none of them are artisanal but at least there isn't a Specialized Smegma in sight within at least 12 blocks. Also, I have the bitchinest collection of vintage tweed wear . Afterward, we can all cruisE down to Stumptown. Skinny jeans optional.

That "former Special__ed employee" is riding a Serotta, not a Seven. Speaking of Serotta, the internets is all a flutter (not to be confused with the delicious fluffernutter) discussing Serotta and its perceived decline: http://forums.serotta.com/showpost.php?p=1058937&postcount=1

Due to years of contact with non-shellacked bar tape, my hands' bacteria are resistant to all known sanitizers. I have to wear helments on them. It makes steering and braking a challenge, but I do it for your protection. Yes, we all have to die sometime, but not all at once because somebody (me) made a stupid mistake and shook hands (or posted a comment -- these are powerful bacteria that can travel at the speed of Bret through the intertoobz).

Mr Sinyard said: "This lawsuit was a matter of principle and about protecting our culture of trust and innovation. We respect the ruling of the court in our favor. We are very satisfied with the outcome and the damages set at $1.00. We really want to put all our passion and time into growing the sport of cycling".

Which I think translates to: what do you mean we don't get any money, the judge was a complete asshole, everyone is a bunch of bastards, but we'll carry on as usual...

..."ahhh, good morning, sir...your former employees, messers choi & forsman, now, the principals of volagi bikes, feel that due to our having lost the decision as regards the breach of contract issue, we'd wish to be as prompt as possible in handling this financial matter...

..."...as such, we'd like to set up a payment plan with consideration to our own financial situation & of course, with your convenience in mind...

..."what say you to a payment contract wherein we will unfailingly pay you $00.01 every week for the next 100 weeks, irregardless of any financial discrepancies we may encounter with our company over such time period...

..."now...would you prefer the payment in cash or would a check suffice ???...

..."...pardon me, sir...excuse me but there is no...sir, please, remember your station...as i was saying, there is no need to speak to me in that manner...

BRA tour. Seattle's played out. Everyone actually *likes* to ride now. And sometimes even use bikes for just getting from place to place. It's not just for the appearance of having *skillz*. So lame.

Recommended BRA cities-

Madison, WI - So we Seattlites can send our ever-travelling band of protesters even further east to protest that you're not visiting us. Moreover, that you're from New York, and therefore must be part of the 1%.

Las Vegas, NV - HELL YES! Griswold family vacation time!

..but if you miss the fern porn, and overstuffed BRAs..

Vancouver, BC - Close enough that we, Seattlites, can attend and bask in the great humbleness that is our Snobbie, but also handy to our regular BC...uh..."shopping".

Bellingham, WA - Chuckanut Drive. Awesome ride. Oh wait! And convenient if you're stopped at the border, and not allowed to cross.

Broadway - Capitol Hill (Seattle's best sister city to Brooklyn's Williamsburg. Let's face it, all the smuggliest neighborhoods have even smugglier nether regions.) And home to Elliot Bay Books. A real bookstore, with non-douchey roots.

We are fortunate to be in these times...things could be better...but improvements have been made...realized dreams at this moment...yes...right now...the bicycle ride is a divine blessing...it shows in our expressions...it offends unhappiness...it curses wickedness...it laughs at misery...our hearts rejoice...

I was rather relieved to hear that the Magnificent Paul Bunditz brand is offering a titanium shim. I have long sought for a rather large stiff shim. Good job MPB for making me and Marty, Mary and Kathleen happy!

I thought the blog was back yesterday...holiday, check. I spent a bit of time looking at the bubwitz bike and I kind of like wat he has going on. It looks stupid and it it works.

Maybe all that time smoking doobs at the robot kid hq made him roll another one and this time get it all the way right.

I think Budwintz had a major breakthrough. Bigger than you and bigger than me.

Like when you see the unicorn, talk about the unicorn, make stories about the unicorn and get a few people to either believe you road the unicorn or fucked the unicorn an your jizz looks like candy corn.

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!