I really hate the fact that something simple can bring me right back to the raw painful feelings that I had the day I lost my daughter. It comes out of the blue and takes weeks to get over. Today I was in the car and heard a song that I could have written just for her.

Staind – Believe Lyrics

I sit alone and watch the clock
Trying to collect my thoughts
All I think about is you

And so I cry myself to sleep
And hope the devil I don’t meet
In the dreams that I live through

Believe in me
I know you’ve waited for so long
Believe in me
Sometimes the weak become the strong
Believe in me
This life’s not always what it seems
Believe in me
Cause I was made for chasing dreams

All the smiles you’ve had to fake
And all the shit you’ve had to take
Just to meet us here again

I never have the things to say
To make it all just go away
To make it all just disappear

Believe in me
I know you’ve waited for so long
Believe in me
Sometimes the weak become the strong
Believe in me
This life’s not always what it seems
Believe in me
Cause I was made for chasing dreams

I sit alone and watch the clock
Trying to collect my thoughts
And all I think about is you

If you believe in me
Life’s not always what it seems
Believe in me
Cause I was made for chasing dreams

Believe in me
I know you’ve waited for so long
Believe in me
Sometimes the weak become the strong
Believe in me
This life’s not always what it seems
Believe in me
Cause I was made for chasing dreams

I’m sure you can see why some of the lyrics made me think of her so deeply. The line that gets me the most is ” I was made for chasing dreams” Not many people know why i named my daughter what I did or even what I named her. I’ve kept that mostly to myself.

Her name means a dream. I named her when I was 5 months pregnant. I named her dream because that is what she is to me. She was my dream come true. She is my dream come true. Yeah my dream was for her to be with me but she is no less special or wonderful because she is 200 miles away. i don’t love her less. I don’t worry about her less. I am not less proud of everything she does. She is not less beautiful. She is no less part of me than if she was here. She is and will always be my dream, my world, my everything.

I will chase my dream forever if I have to. I will never give up on her. I will be here forever and always waiting. I love you my dream girl.

Last year we instituted our annual Demons of Adoption Award to raise a voice against adoption propaganda and the self congratulatory practices of the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute’s annual Angels in Adoption Awards

This year we continue that tradition. Until November 1 you will have the opportunity to vote for the recipient of this year’s award.

The nominees are:

LDS Family Services for using coercive tactics in obtaining infants for adoption and for not respecting paternal rights;

The makers of Juno for helping to groom and brainwash a whole new generation of girls and young women to be walking incubators for the the adoption industry;

Adoption.com for systematically banning voices that oppose current adoption practices and their continuous pro-adoption propaganda;

Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute for awarding persons and organizations that promote the one sided point of view of the adoption industry;

Adoptions from the Heart for their continued cooperation with the totally corrupt Indian orphanage Preet Mandir;

Amici dei Bambini for being the driving force behind the concept of European Adoptions, as a way to re-open adoptions from Romania;

CPS in various states for pushing for quick adoptions on flimsy allegations to meet targets and quotas;

UK Local authority Social Services for pushing for quick adoptions on flimsy allegations to meet targets and quotas;

Canadian Children’s Aid Society for pushing for quick adoptions on flimsy allegations to meet targets and quotas;

District of Columbia Child and Family Services Agency for for not checking up on Renee Bowman.