Caught In A Wicked Merry-go-round

My brother has his fingers in everything - honor's society, travel abroad, etc. etc. I chose a correspondence school because it better fit my learning needs so I don't get those things (as much as I would have LOVED a travel abroad something) Lately my brother has been lording it over everyone else how smart and wonderful he is.

Well, I snapped. I couldn't take it anymore. For years, I've thought that I was ignorant and inferior in every way possible. Only in the past few years (like less than three years) have I started to realize that I'm not stupid. I'm not inferior. Living a quieter life is not a bad thing.

When I snapped at my brother, my mom got mad at ME (NOT my brother). I usually just go silent because I don't like to project my anger onto other people and unintentionally hurt them. Mom practically begged me to tell her what was going on. So I did. I thought we had it all worked out, she talked to my brother, I said thank you. End of story.

Not quite.

Now my mom is becoming angry and disgusted with me. She feels I've taken a petty slight and blown it WAY out of proportion.

The thing is, I've moved past it. I'm a naturally quiet person but she doesn't notice when I talk to anyone else because anytime I'm in a room, she leaves. When I asked her a question the other day, she wouldn't even make eye contact with me.
And now she's saying that I have ego problems (ha! I certainly do. I have NO ego.), I'm a spoiled brat, and that *I* need to bridge the gap because *I* walked away first.

I feel so lost right now. My family is really all the friends I have. I don't understand how they can think I'm this way when they know how much I deny myself things because I don't feel I deserve it. They know how little self-esteem I have. They know I will avoid conflict at all costs and lay low.

And I have no idea how to fix it. I have a feeling I'm going to be taking the blame for this in an incredibly harsh way. I'm not even feeling sorry for myself. I'm just...quiet.

It drives me nuts hearing well that was the passed get over what they are really
saying is hun i dont care dont want to hear it shut up! its like dont go having a
pitty party just dont breath you may as well say too. when people say things
like that they really mean i...

How dos anyone know how I am feeling? Are they me? Do they know everything that was contributed to what makes me feel as I do ? NO, even if they have experienced the same or a similar thing. Different people are affected in different ways. &nbsp...

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26-30
2 Responses
2
Apr 11, 2010

I think this is the most hypocritical saying ever! Look, we all fall hard from time to time. One shouldn't dwell on things and should pick themselves up again. However, to sit and tell people they shouldn't feel bad or think about themselves and their situation is just... I don't...