The Diagnosis: I Don’t Know How To Talk About This

There are some people who really have their shit together. They are never late, they create budgets and track finances, their kids’ hair is brushed, their clothes unwrinkled.

I am not one of these people.

But every once in a while, I do something really, really smart. In 1998, my answer was yes to a mathematician wearing glasses. In 2007 I said yes again – to his repeated pleas to have kids. And last month, I called to get a lump checked out. A lump that I was certain – CERTAIN – was directly related to weaning, nothing more.

There’s no easy way to say this, Mamas. That lump was cancerous. And two weeks ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

I got the call while driving Raines to his first swimming lesson. I pulled over, listened to the doctor, asked a few questions, then thanked him for his time and hung up. I called Mike, and asked him to call my mom. Then I drove to swimming lessons. Because…what else does one do? Is there a protocol for this kind of thing? I had none, and no idea what to do with myself, so on we went. I sat there in the bleachers, trying to keep Pax amused, while all of the other moms and kids and dads and nannies and grandparents and teachers went about their business. Their lives, unaffected, by this…event. This thing, this…cancer, this news that threatened to swallow me whole. I felt like I should’ve been wearing a sign: WARNING: Breasts Gone Bad. I was a Peanuts cartoon character of myself: everything else was just mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah mahm.

The last two weeks have been tough.

The good news is that they caught it early. (No shit, I wanted to say. I am only thirty-freaking-seven, it better be early.) But yes: early is good. The type of cancer they found is called DCIS. DCIS is very early, Stage 0 breast cancer that is incapable of spreading. It is non-invasive. The fear, however, is that it will turn into invasive breast cancer eventually. No one is quite sure on the how, or the why, or even if it will in fact become invasive cancer….but my mom was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer at age 48, so the docs are all in violent agreement: The boobs have gotta go.

Also, I have a lot of it. DCIS, that is.

So in the next month or so, I will be undergoing a double mastectomy, followed by reconstructive surgery. Once they remove both breasts, they’ll do a full biopsy of the removed tissue. If the tissue is clear, or “just” contains more DCIS, I’m done. Case closed. If, however, they do find some invasive cancer, then at that point we’ll start talking about chemotherapy.

I really, really, really don’t want to talk about chemotherapy. I am hoping – as hard as I possibly can – that they only find more DCIS. I just…I can’t even go there. Not yet. One thing at a time…this is my new mantra. Deal with one thing at a time.

Of course, they sent me for genetic testing, to see if I have the BRCA 1 or 2 gene mutation. If I do…at some point we’ll have to deal with my ovaries. I won’t have that result back for a couple of weeks yet. One thing at a time.

But please know that I am going to be fine. I AM. And this isn’t the desperate plea of the damned – all of my (very capable) doctors have assured me of this fact several times. To quote my breast surgeon: “Yes, you’ll be FINE…..and you’ll look good, too.”

Well. There’s that. I will admit that I stood in the mirror the other day and lifted my boobs up an inch. Turning to Mike I asked, “Here? Wouldn’t here…just up an inch be nice?”

The poor man. He smiles, and is supportive, and managed some enthusiasm (for my sake) at the plastic surgeon’s office…but this is a lot. For all of us. We’re looking at a seriously big surgery in a matter of weeks, with follow-on surgeries for life. It’s crazy, this shit. I often feel as though I’m talking about someone else. That poor dear. Only 37 and has breast cancer! Can you imagine? And to think – she nursed for a total of 5 years!

My poor breasts are confused as well. They’ve been nursing for so long and only retired in February. So I’d call to make yet another appointment and would get the eerie feeling of milk let-down. Or someone would call with condolences, and after I hung up, my breasts would be full. Pax would freak out about something, and as I hugged him, he’d reach down my shirt to comfort himself (something he hasn’t quite grown out of yet), reminding me of just how recently he was a tiny baby, nursing. And part of me wants to scream THIS IS BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!! And part of me just doesn’t believe this is my diagnosis, and I’m waiting for the joke sign to come out and OK GUYS, IT WAS FUNNY….YOU CAN LET ME OFF THE HOOK NOW….

Yeah. Still waiting for that joke sign.

Mike took me and the boys to Cape May this weekend. It was just what we needed. Each morning we’d take turns running on the beach. I haven’t really run since high school, but I tend to find my running stride again when I’m stressed. Running barefoot down the beach, I just pounded it out. Pounded out my anxiety, my fear, my stress. And it occurred to me that the last time I saw one of my favorite teachers, Madame Amo, she was running. Madame always had this youthful energy and was ga-ga over her spirited toddler (in high school we referred to him as “Le Petite Brat” like the assholes that we were) but mostly we all just loved her. Madam had battled breast cancer for years. Sadly, the cancer had since returned and the prognosis wasn’t good. So we stopped for a hug and a chat, and I told her that I had heard the sad news and she smiled a tired smile and we held hands. “You’re still running” I said. “As long as I can, Cherie. As long as I can.” Then she patted my cheek and told me not to worry and continued on her run, one foot in front of the other. One thing at a time. Pounding it out. That was the last time I saw her.

Now as I pounded out my own fears on the sand, one foot in front of the other, I thought about Madame. About the hard truths and harsh reality she faced, and how my own situation pales in comparison. “I have my life,” I drummed out. “I will live, I will live, I will live.” On that beach, I pounded down the fear, pounded down the sadness, and pounded down the anger. Or some of it, anyway. And as I came down that final stretch of beach, I could see my three guys playing in the water. Pax caught sight of me, and with a gleeful “MOMMYYYYYY!!” he flung his chubby arms in the air and came running to greet me. The sun shimmered on the water, their blonde hair – all unbrushed crazy – glinted in the sun, and ecstatic smiles stretched over their faces, simply because I had returned. Mum’s come home. (From a 20 minute run, for pete’s sake.) But that’s the thing: They need me. Our kids need us. Sometimes, Mamas, the most important thing is just to show up. And aren’t we lucky to have that option?

Meagan Francis started this focus on self-care for Mamas, and with good reason: she’s having her hysterectomy on Tuesday. I can’t echo her sentiment enough: Self-care is more than just bubble baths and pedicures. We need to take the time. We need to be healthy. We need to be here.

So please, Mamas. I know summer is upon us, but please make the time for those annoying appointments.

And as for me? I will be fine. My summer plans are all screwed up, but Mike and I are both slowing down, refocusing on what’s really important. I do plan to keep blogging – it’s been a nice distraction these last two weeks, and I’ll keep you guys informed if anything major changes. Just go get your shiz checked out. Then we can all relax and enjoy the sun.

311 Comments

Oh my god, Shana; I cannot even believe what I just read :((. I read your blog every day and feel like I know you! Yikes, just way too close to home. You will be in my prayers and just keep staying strong and doing what you’re doing. ❤ Jennifer

there are no words.
i have been following your blog silently for some time and just love you. i don’t have any adequate words to offer. but, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. thank you for sharing your life with all of us.

Shana, thank you so much for sharing this. I’m 32 and have been having breast ultrasounds for the last two years – we snuck in my first mammogram two weeks ago, even though my toddler isn’t totally weaned, trying to get it in before another pregnancy. My mom was diagnosed at 45, her sister at 40. I echo you – please please please, ladies, get checked out.
And for you, Shana…so much love coming to you from this lurker in Denver. Keep us posted but not at the expense of your boys and your health.

HUGE HUGS to you! Great mantra, great outlook. So sorry that you and your family are going through this. I am sending positive thoughts your way and look forward to the day when I read on here that you are on the other side of this!

I am so sorry. I am glad to hear you caught it early. A very scary time! You will be in my thoughts.
I will stop putting off making a call to my ob/gyn and call her tomorrow. I can’t bear the thought of not being here for my husband and kids because I didn’t feel like taking the time to make sure I was healthy.
P.S. Though I know you have way more important thing to think about than the fake boobies….I can tell you, fake boobies are a really nice change from the two baby sag ones

I feel like I know you and have just heard that a good friend has been diagnosed. Since I can’t do what I normally would, which is bring you food and have your boys over to play, I will pray for you and wish your family well! XO

This was so close to being me about 24 months ago. I was nursing my 6 week old, and finally had the courage to say to my OB, “sooo, there’s this lump that’s been here since the 2nd trimester”…. He thought it was a cyst, just to be sure I went off to U-Michigan’s Breast Cancer Center, where I had ultrasounds, multiple biopsies and had radiologists tell me “oh, that looks bad”, none of which I repeated to my freaked out husband. I was talked about at Tumor Boards, they couldn’t decide if I had cancer. What?? Finally they decided it was some strange nursing stuff, NOT cancer, and I could go about my merry way until age 40, when I would get yearly mammograms at an early age.
I haven’t talked about it on my blog. A handful of friends know about it, but not even all of my relatives know. It was a horrible and traumatic experience, in large part because all I could think about was my husband and brand new daughter who need me. They really need me. I’m about to cry just sitting here and thinking about it.
They taught me in Med School (again, in Ann Arbor) that DCIS is what you want if you have to have breast cancer. I remember wishing that I could have DCIS, but with my lump it would have been beyond that. I know some of what you’re feeling, but the confirmation of the diagnosis… that I can only imagine. I am so sorry that your family is going through this, but so glad that it is DCIS, and I’m praying that your diagnosis doesn’t become something more.
You’re so brave to be talking about it. Almost 2 years later and I still haven’t talked about my *almost* diagnosis. **hugs**

Wow- what a heavy post to write! Thank you for sharing and I’m SOOOOO glad that things look so ‘good’! Thinking of you and praying for you. I know all of your readers are cheering for you and looking up to you.
kilee

So sorry Shana, I know too many great women that have had to fight it and you can too, stay strong we’re all thinking of you. Thanks for writing about it…another reminder for us women, I know it can’t be easy. Xoxo

Thank you for sharing so many aspects of your life with us and always keeping it real. I will echo others and say that I feel like I know you despite never meeting you. I will send you prayers and good vibes as you travel down this scary road. And I will take care of myself. I do it for my children. I lost my mom at 15 to an illness that could have been prevented if she’d taken better care of herself and not given everything she had to taking care of the 5 of us. My father had a stroke 6 months ago due to lifestyle choices(not seeing a dr regularly, having unchecked diabetes and blocked arteries) and my siblings and I are again dealing with the possibility of losing a parent. So I will always take care of myself. I work out and I will make my appts. Love to you and your boys!!!!!!!

Oh, no. No. No. No. I am so sorry mama. Of course you will fight this and some day look back on how hard and scray it was, but so glad it is in your very distant past. I know it. Big hugs to you, mama.

I agree Amy. I don’t know you Shana, but I’m so touched by this news and hoping for the best for your family. I went to MSHS too and I knew Madame and saw her bravely face not only obnoxious high school students, but breast cancer too. I’m sure she’s sending you strength now, as well as all your readers. Your kids not only need you, but in many ways so do all the moms out there! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Oh Shana. I am so sorry about your prognosis. Like many others, I feel like you are a part of my life. You whisper in my ear ” you can do better mama!” when I reach for the baggy yoga pants in the morning and have helped me get my fashion crap together after 2 kids. Sendingall the love in the world to you, as well as thoughts and best wishes. You are strong,ayou will prevail.

I was just tested for the BRCA generic mutation and found out that I have it. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of research, consultations, and trying to figure things out. I think that I will be having a preventive double mastectomy as well as removing ovaries. Thank you for sharing your story and helping let others like me know we are not alone. Stay strong, sista xoxoxo

Hang in there, Mama! You can and will get all the way thru this. Your openness and bravery are inspiring. I have been putting off making some of those dreaded appointments and will make them this week. Thank you. Take care, lady! You’ve totally got this.

Prayers coming from Fort Worth, TX for all good things for you and your precious family. What you do here is very important, as you know, but what you do with and for them…well, that’s priceless. Thanks for the honesty and positive outlook. You continue to teach and model a way of life that inspires.

I am sending my best to you and your family. A year ago, my husband of 10 years left me, and not long after, I found your blog. Your wonderful articles and honest dialog have helped me the past year find myself again as a single mom. I do understand the awful feeling of having something happen to you that you never thought would. Just know, a stronger person will emerge from this. Much support… Nicole

Dammit! There are no words. Okay, maybe dammit. It’s just a bunch of crap and you don’t deserve it. Just fyi you have changed my LIFE with your style advice. NOT that you’re NOT going to be okay – because you abs are, but just since I’ve never told u.

So sorry to hear this. I know the emotions well, having been diagnosed with a stable (for now) cancer at 25 (I had kids young).
When people hear the cancer word, they think life-threatening, no hair, awful, illness. And it’s not always this way. Besides this, I am literally more healthier than I’ve ever been. Life is really, really good. I’m happy and good.
Anyway, all that to say, life can and will be good again. Hang in there and love on your family. They’ll give you so much joy during the rough times.

Holy crap, this was so NOT what I was expecting to see on your blog! You are one of my very favorite bloggers, for your humor, great outlook on life, and impeccable sense of style. You are an amazing woman and will KICK THIS CANCER IN ITS ASS. Absolutely. Stay strong. Sending you good thoughts and much love.

Pilin’ on the hugs and good wishes. Your blog has been a huge inspiration to me and I catch myself thinking “what would Shana say” when I’m shopping. Now I’ll be thinking “what would Shana say” when I call my doctor tomorrow to see about getting the breasts checked out.
More hugs and support to your mom and husband. This has to be rough for them as well and, while I’m sure they are 150% supportive of you, they need some good thoughts.

You don’t know me, but you’ve been a part of my life for the last year and half (you even helped me pick out what to wear to my husband’s 30th birthday party last year) and when I read this I seriously lost my shit. So so sorry that you have to go through this. Praying for you and your boys.

I love reading your blog and feel like I just found out a good friend has breast cancer. I’m sure you’ll handle and make it through this with your awesome humor, style, and wits in tow. You have legions of mamas rooting for you!

I’ve been reading your blog for a few years; I love your style and sense of humor. Thank you for being an inspiration even in this difficult part of your journey. You are one strong and fabulous woman!

So sorry to hear it, Shana. I can’t imagine all of the things you are feeling. The prognosis sounds good but I’m sure it won’t be an easy one. Love your positive attitude. You’re gonna beat it! PS you are MORE than your boobs! OXOX

Shana, I’ve followed your blog for nearly six months and have always appreciated your style, honesty, humor but especially your sincerity. I’ve never left a comment before even though you’ve inspired countless of outfits and other blogs to follow. But today I feel compelled to let you know you’ve inspired me in a much more important way – to take my health more seriously and make it a priority to follow up on health concerns. As women we often put ourselves on the back burner to our kids, our spouse, the chores, the finances, the house…the list goes on and on. But thanks for reminding me that my daughter and husband need me to show up. I’ve been putting up a follow-up on my physical for a LONG time and tomorrow I will pick up the phone to just get it done. Thank you and sending you my heartfelt prayers for a speedy recovery. Wishing you and your family good vibes XOXO

Shana, I’ve been a reader for a long time. You’ve made me smile and laugh and I’ve learned so much from you. Your ideas and encouragement are inspiring. Thank you for sharing this chapter of your life with us. My thoughts and prayers are with you for a successful and healthy road ahead. Your post brought tears. Especially the part about how our babies need us so much. Self care is so much more than pedicures and bubble baths. I will be doing a breast exam tomorrow. Something I rarely do. :/
My thoughts are with you. ((hugs))

Ohhhh Shana! That is just crap. Terrible. I want to take it all away for you. What a long and arduous journey it will be whichever way it goes. You are being so strong! Here is a quote I have taped next to my bed:
Life requires vulnerability.
I treat myself gently and allow myself to be vulnerable.
I accept myself as I am today, without the need for perfection.
I allow myself the freedom to learn without grandiose expectations.
I am a living being.
I allow my life to flow more broadly across the plain of experience.
I allow my life to rest in the sun of self-acceptance.
Please reach out to me if you ever need to cry or vent or talk. Same goes for everyone probably…. everyone is rooting for you.

So, so sorry for this bullshit. I was diagnosed with a bad cancer at 39 when my boys were not quite 2 and 5, so I have a pretty good idea of what you’re going through. You ARE going to be fine – this is going to suck, and then, sooner than you think, it will be over. We are all wishing you comfort and support.

Shana! There is no protocol for how to handle this news, maybe you should write it down? I’ve been a reader for years due to your writing style and this post certainly grabbed at my heart. As I wonder around with my three kiddos today, I know I will think of you. Hoping for continued strength and humor as you and your sweet family face your cancer. Hugs to you!

I’ve been reading your blog for years now, and I hope I speak for so many of us when I say that all your positivity, and encouragement, and zest for life and motherhood is being sent right back at you, thousand fold from all your readers. You are in the thoughts and hearts of so many of us. Bon courage!

Oh my dear Shana. What I love about you most is your not-togetherness, or rather that you think you don’t have it together but are heaps more “together” than I am. One thing I have learned recently is that there is no such thing.
You WILL be fine and you will always be beautiful, and your boys will always be your boys and your readers will always adore you. I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this bullshit – and IT IS BULLSHIT. But you’ve got this. I will pray for you, my friend.

You have been such a style inspiration to this 40 something mama with 2 boys – and today you became an inspiration in a different way….your love for your family, courage and determination are awesome. And no one will rock a hospital gown like you will! Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way.

Long time reader, and this is my first comment. THANK YOU for sharing what’s happening. My mom is living with breast cancer, and not the “good” kind ((as if any kind is good)). It’s all a big deal, but you both demonstrate how crucial a positive attitude is to the prognosis…
Prayers for you and please — much as we all love your posts, please please take time for you and your family, however it feels right as you go through the journew. We’ll all be here whenever you are….

Thank you for sharing this and inspiring me to get on top of my health. I’ve made my appointment online just now for the mammogram I keep canceling because I am too busy. I’m also inspired to tackle losing the last 25 pounds I need to lose to avoid complications from the gestational diabetes I had with the last pregnancy. Self-care is about to become my mantra. Your revelation on the beach moved me to tears and action. I really appreciate you sharing the hard stuff. Thank you for continuing to inspire with your strength and incredible beauty. Praying for your good health!

S, I am so sorry to hear this news. As you may recall, I’ve had some serious medical issues related to the delivery of my first. It’s important to be brave, but it’s also okay to be sad and cry and let all of the emotions out of you so you can move forward. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers. You are a fighter and will not only survive, you’ll thrive like you always have.

Oh crap. My mom recovered from breast cancer some years ago, and since then I’ve been diligient about my twice-a year visits .Good to hear they caught it early, and indeed, you WILL BE FINE.
Sending you best wishes of health and speedy recovery.

Prayers all the way from Singapore. Been following your blog for a while. Am gonna deliver my second girl in two weeks so I can imagine the fears, the worries, the dread of not being here for them. You are already standing on victory ground. Keep staying positive…am rooting for u.

shana, i’ve been a long time follower, this news just stunned me. hugs to you, dear girl. so much love. you will be fine. you can get through this and come out and … be happy. it will take time, but you will get there.
i, for one, am really glad that you decided to blog about this. good luck.

37-yr-old Philly mama of two & daughter of breast cancer survivor here, currently nursing & overdue for my mammogram. I will make the appt this week! Wishing you the best. So sorry you have to deal with this though.

Yep, 2013 – this is the year you beat cancer. Thanks for being so transparent with us and for reminding us of what’s important. I appreciate you and your blog! I’m an American mom of 2 boys living in France and see your blog as a way to stay connected to the good ol’ USA! Thanks for sharing a little of your life with us!

Long time reader here. Thank you for sharing your story. Your are brave and strong. Remember to lean on those around you when you are feeling less so – they will hold you up and carry you through. Children are the best distraction through the hard times (mine carried me through my mom’s illness and her passing 3 years ago and continue to do so).
Big hugs! Kick cancer’s @ss!!!!

Shana- wow. On so many levels, just wow. Not what I expected, took my breath away as I started to read your beautifully written, heartfelt words. I am so sorry to hear this news.
You have inspired me in the past to get out of my dang yoga pants and get into some skinny jeans. Now you are inspiring me on a whole other level. Thank you for your candor and your courage.
As everyone has already written, I am sending you lots and lots of love, positive, healing vibes, and warm thoughts. HUGE hugs to you mama! xoxo

Shana…thank you for sharing…you are an amazing woman who had touch many others. Please know that lots and lots of prayers and positive thoughts are coming your way.
also please keep us posted. We don’t know each other but I feel like we all really do…and care..as weird as that may sound…
Thank you for all the posts..on everything! xoxoxox

I’ve been following your blog for over a year and I’m amazed that the scores of women you’ve helped crawl out of their (our) frumpiness, you are now empowering to get checked. Think of the lives you are saving!! I’m crushed by this news, but I’m so happy that you’ll be okay while simultaneously helping others of us thwart the same reality. Sending you positive energy…

oh shana…i’ve been following you forever too (it seems…my son is 4yo tomorrow). you are tough and strong and already have a platform to tell your success story. thank you for sharing. start writing your success blog now!

i feel sometimes when i am reading your blog that we are friends and have known each other for years. i am equally inspired reading about fashion or mom-tips as i was reading about your diagnosis. this brought tears to my eyes not only for the emotional aspect on so many levels but because i felt i was hearing from a dear friend. best of luck to you – thinking positive thoughts all the way.

I’m so sorry to hear this news this morning. I saw the title and thought you were going to talk about underwear. I’m so glad it was caught early and that you are going to be alright. You have reminded me how important it is for us to take care of ourselves. Please continue to take care of yourself and let others take care of you, too. I am sending love and prayers your way.

Well, after your surgery when you’re trying to figure out what to wear, let me direct you to this AWESOME website called Ain’t No Mom Jeans! The lady who runs it is a style genius
So sorry to hear your news. Best of luck with everything and hang in there!

You are an amazing BAD ASS mama!!!! You do more then just inspire all of us to be sassy and fashionable. You are a gift to us all. We will hold you up with love and prayers. And we will do the same for your boys and husband. Stay strong.

Thank you so much for sharing this news. Like many others, I feel that you are my friend, even if we have never met in person. Your wit and beautiful voice comes through your writing, and makes me laugh, think and smile. I am holding you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

I’m an always-reader, never-commenter, BUT had to write to say I’m sorry and also, thank you for sharing. Breast changes through pregnancy and breastfeeding are so variable and it’s easy to chalk up something little to hormones or whatever – I think a lot of women will pay more attention because of your story. Wishing you a speedy recovery and if I were there in person, a hug / cocktail / coffee and donuts – whatever seems most helpful. I am a genetic counselor and happen to work with lots of young women with breast cancer. I’ve been following the #bcsm hashtag on Twitter lately (Breast Cancer Social Media)- they do a chat on Monday nights. It’s a group of mostly patients, but doctors and researchers, too, and it seems to be a very informative and supportive group, if that’s your thing.

Good Lord. My jaw was on the floor reading this. That is major, major bullshit. I am so sorry. Damn. But, your message of preventive care resonates with me. I just had a basal cell carcinoma removed from my back because of all my youthful sunburns and am more committed than ever to all those annoying yet critical doctor’s appts. Mamas – make those appointments, eat dem veggies, know what your risks are, stay on your health game. Find doctors you like and trust. So, so important.
Shana – my very, very best wishes to you. I wish I could bring you a casserole or something, but since I can’t, cosmic hugs and kisses.;)

Oh Shana, So sorry to hear this news. I’m so proud of you-your positive attitude, your honesty and willingness to share. Know that you are loved and supported by so many. You and your beautiful family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

I’m so sorry that you are going through this. There are many things that aren’t fair in life and this is definitely one of them. You’ll be in my prayers and thoughts. And I wanted to say thank you as well – for sharing this story and giving me the nudge to set up that mammogram appointment I’ve been putting off for a year. It’s on my to-do list and each month I tell myself – I’ll do it next month. Not anymore. I’m calling to set the appointment today. Thank you for sharing your story and giving me the courage. Hugs to you and your family.

I started reading your blog over a year ago, after I had my second child. I was sick and tired of feeling like a frazzled hag, so I googled “mom fashion blog” and yours came up. You have done so much to help new mommies regain their self-esteem after having children; it’s amazing that you are using this to encourage mommies to take care of their health.
God bless you. I’ll be praying for you.

I am so sorry that you’re going though this. As others have said, I have never met you, but feel as if I know you because of your warmth and humor that comes through in your writing. I will be sending so many good thoughts your way that you might even feel them on the other coast. Xoxo

We are sending lots of love your way. Our four year old was recently diagnosed with cancer. We are headed to the hospital today for imaging scans to see if twelve weeks of chemo have shrunk his tumor enough to remove it.
I don’t normally comment on your blog, but I thought it was so appropriate that I saw your post this morning. A few things I’ve learned through this ordeal. Your family will adjust to “a new normal.” It is okay to cry a lot. Let people help you – accept dinners, babysitting, money, whatever is thrown at you. You will be amazed by the generosity and love of family, friends, casual acquaintances, and even strangers.

I am so sorry you have to go through this. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I admire your strength, positivity, and openess. Two years ago I found a lump in my throat and was going through testing when I discovered I was also pregnant. It was a tough year, (it turned out to be thyroid cancer) but you are absolutely right…one step at a time…take it day by day and do what you need to do to get through each day. And your story was definitely a reality check (eventhough I should know better!!!) As soon as I got done reading it, I did a self-examination. Thank you for sharing!

Shana,
As you can see, there’s a whole virtual community of people who love you, beyond the ones who love you IRL. I am so, so, so glad to hear that you caught this early — and wish like hell that you didn’t have to go through this.
Sending healing vibes and strength!

OMG Shana – I read through this with tears streaming down my face! While our “relationship” may be limited to the blogging/instagraming world, please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your sweet family at this time. As you undergo this BULLSHIT in your life right now, I look forward to hearing your “voice” through your writing/blogging because let’s face it – no one is more real than you! May you be lifted up by all the people you have touched on a daily basis through this blog and life in general. Much love girl!!! XXOO

You are right, this is bullshit. But you are incredibly strong and will get thru this. And thank you for the reminder of getting our checkups. I have not had one since my 6 week postpartum checkup after my now 19 month old son was born. I need to get on that. Stay positive and strong, we are all thinking of you.

I am so sorry to hear this. Judging by the comments here, from those that know you personally and those that don’t (me), you are an inspiration to us all. Lean on us when you need to. Sending you lots of strength and good vibes from down south.

I’ve never commented before but read your blog regularly and now: I just want to send along my wishes and prayers for you and your family. I appreciate (and read because of!) your honesty, your snarky humor and your strength, and I know they will all come in handy right now. (They were all present in this post; you are one brave, fierce, inspiring mama!) Hugs.

so, so, so unfair! i will be praying for you…i have this weird itchy skin condition, and i’ve been trying to refocus so i don’t get too down about it, so everytime my boobs itch (which, they do. more than they should. bleh.) i will say a prayer for you as you go through all of this. girl, you are such a fun part of my week and we are all here for you!!!!

Shana,
There is little I can say here, other than that as you know, all of our thoughts are with you. One of my coworkers, who us also young with little kids like yourself, is working her way through breast cancer as well. I thought I would share with you her blog:http://robandbethstewart.com/wp/
While she has not posted in a while, I can tell you that she is doing much better and even exercising a lot, joining us in an office Pilates class.
While cancer is something we never get over, it is something we learn to live with. And I do mean live, enjoying our lives as best we can every day.
Much love

I have been following your blog for almost a year now and have loved and looked forward to reading every blog post. After reading today, I feel as I was supposed to “happen” on your blog! I was diagnosed with breast cancer when my 3rd baby was only a few months old, I was 35, no family history and have nursed and was nursing when I was diagnosed. Doesn’t seem right, but I had to wean my baby and opted for a double mastectomy and ended up needing chemo. It was the toughest thing I’ve ever done, but with the help, love and support from family and my strong faith in God, I made it through and am doing great! You will too!! Prayers for you and your family!!

So much love and support are being sent your way from all of us! As others have said, you have encouraged and empowered us all, and we want to give it back to you. We are all lifting you up in spirit today and in the coming months. You are the epitome of strength as a mother and woman, and we are all on this journey with you.

Thank you so much for sharing your story, it’s incredibly brave to put it out there for everyone to know. Real self-care will now be added to my to do list(at the top!).
Also, I had a great plastic surgeon do a massive breast reduction a while ago at Paoli. Let me know if I can be of help!
Sending lots of positive thought!

I have been reading your blog for about 6 months and you have truly been a fashion inspiration. With this post, and the grace, dignity, and courage you are displaying, you have become an inspiration period.
May God be with you on every step of this journey.

wow. One nice thing about being a blogger is that you have a hoard of followers that will be praying for you and thinking about you as you go through this. And also, you have a platform to share your story and encourage other women to go and get checked.
Thank you for sharing this with us.

Because you shared this hard thing, you will help someone. You are not alone! I love reading your blog to try to figure out how to get out of my mom-wardrobe rut, and I appreciate your honesty and humor. those things will help you. Just keep remembering one thing at a time, one day at a time, sometimes one hour or one minute at a time. What ever you need to do :0)

Oh I am so very sorry Shanna. You have inspired all of us to take care if ourselves while we are raising little humans… I am wishing you a very speedy recovery and will keep you in my thoughts. -Cheralyn/wrldpeas

what amazing strength you have! and bravo for writing your experience for all of us. think of how many people you have in your corner, cheering for you, who have never even met you in person. me among them.

I just want to say how sorry I am for this! I love this blog and your writing and your constant mama support. You are amazing! You will totally beat this.
If I may, to offer some encouragement–both my MIL and her sister were diagnosed with this as well. Both had some treatment done–no chemo though–and both recovered. They were a bit older than you are now.
Hugs from a stanch supporter and follower.

Oh dear. That wasn’t was I expecting to read this morning–I’m so sorry to hear your news, and I’m sure you are weathering a storm of emotions just now. I’m glad you had the courage to share it with all of us–we are all standing with you!
Grace and peace to you as you embark on this journey.

Thank you for sharing this. My own mother dealt with breast cancer @ 38 and is alive and well, 30 years later, and when I’m done posting this comment I will pick up my phone and make a (year-long overdue) mammogram appt. for myself. Thoughts and prayers are with you and wishing you bravery and strength through it all. Thanks for you inspiration and I look forward to reading about your continued journey and ultimate victory over this awful disease.

Wow. I dont know you yet I totally do. Good luck in the coming weeks. I can tell from following your blog that you are a strong fiesty gal that will get through this..with a smile none the less. Hugs go to your entire family.

I read your blog religiously and I have for AGES. I never comment but I just had to on this one. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I am sending healing vibes your way, please know that there are so many women behind you rooting for you! You are strong and you can do this. All the best, hugs from Canada.

Shana, So sorry to hear this news. Both you and Mike have always been at the top of my list of favorite people. And, I am so happy to be able to still have a glimpse into your lives through your blog. In my book, you are the modern day “Leave it to Beaver” perfect family. You may not do the “perfect” thing every minute of every day, but your whole “being” is all about Pax and Raines. They have got to be some of the luckiest kids on the planet to have such loving parents as the two of you. I am confident both you and Mike will someday be incredible grandparents. And, hopefully I will still be around to read about it. Thanks for sharing and inspiring me to make my over due doctor and dentist appointments this morning. XX00 Sandy

Will be praying for you as you beat this thing, I know you will! My strength comes from my faith in God – Jesus said (and he meant it and still does for anyone who will!)
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30

Dear Sweet Shana,
I am once again amazed and inspired by your spirit. While we have never met, I wept for you this morning after reading your post and then prayed for you and your family. This blog has helped me feel connected to someone else, through those lonely moments of mothering. I only wish I could return the favor by offering a hug or a meal. Because I can’t do that, I will send prayers and positive thoughts your way. Your posts bring me so much joy (and much needed style advice) as they do so many others. Thank you for sending us the important message of self care through your story.

Thank you for sharing this with us, Shana. What a brave, strong, and inspiring woman you are. As a long time loyal reader who’s been so blessed by your blog I am praying blessings on you and your family as you go through this journey. My family has a history of early onset breast cancer too (mom, grandma, aunts) and last year as yet another maternal aunt developed breast cancer, I took the BRCA genetic test and faced the prophylactic mastectomy route if it came out positive. It didn’t, but I did come to the conclusion that I could live without my boobs (or with new ones) if it meant being around to see my preschoolers grow up. Who wouldn’t come to that conclusion? I pray blessings on your upcoming surgeries and for peace in your heart as you go through all this. If you wouldn’t mind and felt up to it, would you please occasionally update us on how you are doing and what you’re going through? You’ve been open and honest with us in many ways on your blog (shaper cami post anyone? and this is a great strength. You’ve helped many women through your blog and I know you will continue to do so. Thank you again for sharing your important news with us and may you be blessed.

Dear Shana,
I’m shocked and I’m pissed off that this happened to you (WTF?!) but I’m SO in awe of the great attitude you have about it. Your strength and determination are inspirational! You are the Angelina Jolie of my world: beautiful and strong and someone who won’t take this crap sitting down! We are all here for you and will be sending you positive thoughts!
Hugs to you and your family!
Jennifer

You know when you’re so absorbed in reading something that everything else just disappears? Well that was your post today for me. What a thoughtful, inspiring post about a difficult time in your life. I always read your blog for style advice, but you give amazing life advice too! Praying for you and your family…

I’ve read your blog forever and feel like I know you! I’m crushed to hear this. But – agreed – YOU WILL BE FINE. You caught it early, and it’s not aggressive. My thoughts are with and your sweet family these next few weeks and after. Please keep us updated on everything! Hugs.
PS: you inspired me to call this morning and my appt for my annual. thank you.

I have never commented here before but had to today–thank you for sharing your courage with us all and know that we are storming the gates of heaven with prayers for you. You are fine and will beat this.

I’m sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Thank you for encouraging others to self-check. It’s best to take the more aggressive treatment route given your family history of cancer – which you’re doing. Nonetheless it’s must be so hard for you and your family. I wish you a prompt recovery from surgery. I’m sending a big mental hug.

Hi Shana, I started reading your blog religiously after the birth of my second son, who was born around the same time you had Pax. So I’ve felt an affinity for you because of that, but also because of the way you’re so real and self-deprecating but still so upbeat.
When I read this, my heart dropped just as if a friend IRL had told me this news. I’m so sorry to hear about your diagnosis and what you’re going through. I wish I knew you personally or lived close so I could bring your family meals and watch your littles while you & Mike face this. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and cheering you on. Much, much love to you and your family.

I sell wheatgrass. I have clients who have drank wheatgrass and switched to a raw diet to combat cancer. There’s a facility in florida called hippocrates google it and wheatgrass. Become educated in your treatment. Be your own specialist. Theres something there for alternative treatments. Research. I’ve been an anorexic for the last 47 years kicked it and got the body going with the help of many things diet exercise a holistic chiropractor…you can too.

You are an amazing woman who has inspired so many to be better. We will be here to read about your progress. Wish we could send you meals and help you in the future. Massive hugs and love and prayers to you and your family. Kick the shit of this cancer!

Oh, Shana. So sorry that ou have to go through this bullshit, too. My SIL and best friend’s wife were both diagnosed with invasive breast cancer within the past year. SIL finally finishes the last of her radiation treatment this week (after mastectomy and chemo), friend is going through chemo before the OP (she’s still hoping for a lumpectomy but the jury’s still out on the rest of her treatment). Both have babies the same age as my youngest (2 next month), we had our 3 babies within weeks of each other. They’ both in the process if giving cancer the hugest finger. My SIL is my hero. She hasn’t let the cancer rule her life in any way. Chemo on Monday and already scheduled the playdate for Thursday. They’ve got tons of support streaming from every direction, I’m sure you will, too. Take all the help you can get. Get yourself well so that you can be there for those babies. I have zero doubt that you’ll become another hero for your grace and humor in a shitty situation. And I have no doubt that you’ll kick cancer’s ass.

Sending you love and support. I also received a cancer diagnosis this year, and I have to tell you, reading ANMJ and cataloging outfits in my Stylebook app got me through many a long hour in the hospital and doctors offices. So, thank you for that.
Of course, you will be ok. SO glad they caught it early, and being a spring chicken will surely help too.
Sending positive vibes from DC!

I’m sorry to hear your news and this struggle. I’m glad you found it early and it is a good reminder for us all to do self-checks (I also just weaned my youngest).
I cried when I read the entry and the part about you and your boys playing on the beach. Stay strong and know all us mamas are there with you!
I found your blog almost exactly a year ago from a Google search when I just wanted to get my groove back and was feeling hormonal, sleep-deprived, and hungry (okay, maybe I still feel that way LOL). Thanks for all the help and humor. You help a lot of us out and I hope our comments will help you through this difficult time all the more.
Sending positive vibes your way from the western Chicago ‘burbs!

Wow, lady! You’re awesome for even being able to write about it at this point. Like you said, the prognosis looks great and you’ll be fine. BUT… if at any point along the way you don’t FEEL fine, and you get tired of thinking about fine-ness and you just need to cry / scream / panic / whatever, I hope you feel comfortable sharing that, too. We’re all women here – we may be millions of miles away but we have ears for listening and hearts for caring. You keep us up to date and lean on us when you need to, you hear? Prayers.

Crap! There are not internet appropriate words for how fudging shiitake this is. Thank you for sharing, and know there are so many people sending you strength, healing thoughts and positive energy!
(Thank goodness America’s MILF is going to be a-okay. You were thinking of the children when you wrote a second post referencing your breasts right?? har har)

More good thoughts and prayers coming your way, S. Thank you for sharing this with the same real and honest voice we’ve all come to know and love. I’m off to join the other “making my appointment now” readers. You’ve saved our style and our sanity with many a post, but I find myself wondering today which of our lives you’ve just saved. xoxo

I think your humor, your willingness to refocus, re-prioritize and your intense love for that beautiful family of yours is a testament to your love for them all. Thank you for sharing this with us all, it takes an enormously courageous woman to do something like that (and just think…you’re America’s MILF!) and thank you for sharing the details so it is something we can open up for conversation in our own lives. I was at the doc’s this morning and had a series of “wait! I should tell her…” -type moments in speaking with my doc. Now, I think I will send a follow-up e-mail to her….just to be sure. To be fair, I don’t feel like you are doing the “live in fear!!”–thing. I think you are being smart, brave and trying to use this great blog to spread some important information that could help one of us or more save our own lives. It isn’t small stuff, Shana…thank you. You have so many of us in your corner, even if you don’t know us yet! Hugs from Providence, Rhode Island!!

I am so grateful that you shared this today. I have been putting off getting my first mammogram but I am getting off the computer and making the appointment right now. You have such grace and strength and you will be fine. My prayers are with you.

Wow. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I’ve followed ANMJ religiously for almost three years now, and I too feel like you’re a (cooler, more fashion-forward) girlfriend and not just another blog I skim. Thank you for sharing this, and I’m so, so glad you got it checked out. I’ll be praying for you in the coming months.

I have never commented but had to today. I am inspired by your strength and your ability to continue to be present and happy with your kids and to find joy in their squeals on the beach – I have no doubt it is incredibly trying at times. I’ve been reading for a few months now and love your sense of humor, style, and grace – these qualities will undoubtedly serve you well in the coming weeks/months. Your readers are cheering you on as you continue to pound away putting one foot in front of the other.

Hi, Shana–
I think so often of writing to you about how much I enjoy your blog–your inimitable sense of style and your fantastic writing–casual, witty. Love, love, love, seeing a new post in my in-box. Plus, you’re responsible for some of my best purchases in the past year or two.
So here I am finally writing–under these shocking circumstances. I will be sending all the positive vibes I’ve got towards you and yours! I believe you will be just fine too, but still this has got to suck. Keep up that angsty, positive attitude:)

I just wanted you to know how much you mean to so many people. You are always so kind and generous in answering all your reader’s questions and taking on the styling challenges we present to you and I just wish there were some way we could offer our help now. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Thank you for everything that you do.

I read this this morning, like I always do, and did not comment (I never do) because I had no idea what to say. Then I was taking my little boys out for a walk later and thought of you and just burst in to tears. I absolutely love reading your work, I think you’re an amazing mama, and this just sucks! Sending you lots of love and wishes for health and peace of mind, from Boston. I hope you’ll let your online community here know if there’s anything we can do to help you through this..

I am wishing you the best luck and continued strength. I cannot tell you how much happiness your blog has brought me and I only wish during this difficult time that there was something I could do for you. You continue to be such an inspiration.

I am an older Mama (53) but find great fashion inspiration in your blog. So shocked to read the post today. I believe attitude is 3/4 of the battle so I know you’ll be just fine. Laugh a lot and love a lot! I’ve been putting off several routine medical exams/procedures but you’ve inspired me to make the appointments now. Thanks for being such a positive influence!!! Sending love and good vibes your way.

I read your blog religiously and feel like we are friends! I am so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. But as others have mentioned, I know you have the strength to get through it. And you have a wonderful husband and those sweet boys. Just want reach across the Internet and give you hugs. Thanks for having the guys to share this with us. We will go through it with you. We will hope and pray the whole time. God bless you.

I love your blog, I’ve been reading it for two years now… I never comment. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing. There are so many rooting for you! You can do this! Sending positive vibes across cyberspace! Attitude is everything!

Shana,
I read your post this morning and have been thinking about you all day. I hope you know that you have many, many friends who are rooting for you, some of us you haven’t even met in person. We want to offer you the same support and inspiration that you give so freely every day. I have always admired your kindness, intelligence, humor and authenticity. I admire them qualities again today, even as I ache for you as you go through this tough situation. I have gone through a different kind of scary medical situation and I can only say that “one foot in front of the other” is a great way to start. I also wouldn’t rule out cheesy movies, shoe shopping, chocolate, reading novels in cafes, hanging with friends, and hugging your kids as much as you can. I’ll be sending positive thoughts your way through cyberspace.

Keeping you in my prayers. Thank you for sharing, it’s not easy and I admire you for that. It definitely is a reminder for myself and I’m sure a ton of others to put themselves on the radar when it comes to caring for our families. Sending you a giant hug.

Shana,
A good friend was diagnosed with breast cancer last summer at 32-years old and began recording her thoughts and experiences in a blog. When you feel you’re ready, it may be a nice space for you to visit. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

Oh my goodness. I am so, so sorry. I feel like you are a friend from reading your blog, and my heart hurts for you. I have so much admiration for you and how you are handling this, and you will be in my prayers! Sending lots of love and light.

“ecstatic smiles stretched over their faces, simply because I had returned. ”
Isn’t this the best feeling? Hold that sight and feeling close to your heart these next few months.
Best from one mama to another.

Thank you so much for sharing such a tough topic. My 28-year-old brother was diagnosed with colon cancer and given 12 months to live in November. It’s been a whirlwind. And in there was the news that I was at risk for colon, breast, and cervical cancer, and I had to go through all that testing too. It was terrifying, for myself and my family. Now that I’m in the clear, I have really taken more of a focus on my health, my life, my family, and my faith. That’s so important, and something it’s easy to overlook when you feel young and happy and indestructible. I’m so sorry for your pain, and I will be praying for you (and your family’s sanity). You are a special person!

You really WILL be fine. My mom was diagnosed w/ DCIS several years ago. She too chose the mastectomy route, and the whole unwanted adventure was in her rear view mirror in no time. Just think, you’ll be joining the ranks of other young beauties like Christina Applegate, Kylie Minogue, Guiliana Rancic, Angelina Jolie…the list goes on. They came out of it better than ever, and so will you. And before you know it, you’ll be looking at this whole episode in your rear view mirror as well! Now, go get ‘em!

Longtime reader, first time commenter. I love your blog so much, and in that strange internet/bloggy way, love you. You are so brave. I walked with my best friend through breast cancer last year, a mom of young ones as well, and have a new sympathy for how personal and hard a road it can be. I’m praying for your full recovery and that this experience will ultimately be redemptive in the life of you and your family.

Shana,
Like many others, I have been reading for awhile, but never commented. Reading this today made my heart drop. I will be praying for you and your family and sending you many positive vibes. Thank you for being so brave and sharing this with us.

You will be fine. You know this, and will remind yourself and your family of it. It’s not the same, but I had to have brain and spinal surgery when my daughter was 5 months old (after a csection with complications, no less) and I knew I would be ok, too. I still had moments of panic, but you reason it out, stay calm, and stay busy. Plan your recovery – stockpile food in the freezer, set up people to help at home, get great new sheets, start a new book or a new tv series on Hulu, get your prescriptions filled before you leave the hospital, and look forward to new and improved boobs, being healthy, and knowing this chapter will be behind you soon. Sounds like you have great docs and chemo won’t be necessary, so that’s great news. We’re all praying for you so keep us posted and we’ll be here when you want to vent at 3 am!

Shana, I am so sorry to hear your news. You have a major ordeal ahead of you. It is good to go into this knowing that you will be OK. I was up all night thinking about you. Best wishes to you and your family in the months ahead.

I found your blog 1 week after my son was born during a 3am exausted nursing session trying to find some way to feel(and look!) More like myself after all the changes to my body from pregancy and childbirth and adapting to my new roll. Like so many others your blog was the light. Not only were there fashion ideas for the new nursing mom version of myself you shared your own experiances with grace and humor. Later i turned to your blog for toy and even nursing advice. In a new parenting world full of plastic, electorics and sparkles everything you said was real and down to earth ( and stylish!)
2 months ago i found a lump in my thyroid. After a whirlwind of “abnornal” but not fully diagnotic tests and a month of worry and panic that I might not be around for my son, I had surgery one month ago. It has left me with a raspy hourse voice, which may never resolve, but was benign. I understand the worry and the fear. Like you said, one step at a time.
So really I wanted to say thank you. You have helped me, and so many other women, feel like themselfs after such a big life change as becoming and mom. I suspect you will show us all how it is done again! Everything will be ok. You were lucky and smart to get it checked quick.
Thanks again.

Thank you, Shana, for helping me take back a little bit of myself over the years. You’ve been in my thoughts all day. Certainly, with your spunk and general awesomeness, you will breeze through this…that is what I am wishing for you.

Hi there, I’ve been reading your blog for about 6 months I think. I have two daughters 11 and 15 and I had breast cancer in 2009. I started my own blog back then…you might want to check it out…it is positive I promise. Check back to the 09 entries.
Mystoryrightnow.blogspot.com
You will get through this as I did…double mastectomy dcis which was invasive by the time I had surgery so I had chemo too. It is doable. Al of it and much better than it used to be so stay positive!
And take care as I need your fashion advise!

You know what… You are going to be fine… More than fine. I had a similar story, diagnosed at 39, one year old daughter, three year old son. Thought I has a clogged duct, turned out to be invasive breast cancer. Lumpectomy, chemo, radiation – it sucked, but fast forward and my daughter is almost 17 and my son just turned 21. Time marches on and you will be fine…. Just a bump in the road… Xoxo

Shana – Thank you for sharing what you are going through – so happy to hear you listened to Mike, got checked out and caught it early! PLEASE keep writing. You probably don’t quite realize how your way with words impacts so many people… Love to you and the boys – (Denver) Rachel

I’ve been reading your blog for a while but haven’t commented before (I don’t think). Thank you for sharing this with us. Your funny, upbeat posts have offered a dose of reality, hope, encouragement, and light for many moms (including myself) struggling with their self image and identity as moms. I hope that writing this blog can be a source of strength/distraction/whatever you need as you’re going through this. Don’t think that we’re just hear to read about clothes! I’ll be praying for you.

Wishing you lots of strength and courage, beautiful Mama. You will make it through this with flying colors and live a long, happy life with your kids and grandkids. I just know it! Thank you so much for all the fashion inspiration. I’m another lurker who loves your blog. Much love from Switzerland.

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I found your blog after the birth of my third son, and you have inspired me to be a better woman… for my family, but also just for me! Funny how a mommy fashion blog can turn into something so much more. Lots of prayers and good vibes coming your way…

Shana, thank you for sharing your story. As others have mentioned, you have been an inspiration to me as a new mom to take back the stylish part of myself (and find some new ones too!). Best wishes to you in the months coming up, and please keep us posted.

Shana…
I am sorry that you have to go through this..but you will and we will be here to jump up and down with you when it is all over and you are one healthy momma!! Thinking of you and your adorable family…p.s.I am wearing skinny jeans and saltwater sandals thanks to you today..you are the best and bar none my favorite blog!!

Shana – there are no words. I’ve already read this 3x & just passed along to my college roommate Jami who was diagnosed in 2011 (we’re both 37 now too) – she has little ones too. Can’t read this part without crying: “I have my life, I will live, I will live, I will live.” This is quickly becoming my new mantra. Even now (especially now), you are so incredibly inspiring. Your humility, style & grace are your trademark & why I love reading you so much. You put into words so many thoughts and feelings I have about Motherhood & being a Mom, and have helped so many of us get through the whole new Mommy thing in such a positive way. We are here to help you get through this. I realize I don’t really “know you”, just “know you” through your incredible writing, but know that you have my admiration, love and support.

Sending you strength and luck and courage and laughter (especially laughter; it will be hidden but it will be there).
My mom was diagnosed with DCIS in 2006. She had a single mastectomy as it was limited to one side. That was followed by 5 years of Tamoxifen.
She celebrated 7 years of being cancer free in May.
Keep posting and keep us posted.

As a new mom myself (my baby girl turned 4 months yesterday), this really struck something in me, and reminded me that I need to get a spot on my torso checked out. It’s not just about me anymore- it’s about so much more. I finally “get it,” and I know news like that would not be easy.
Thank you for sharing with us. I’ve been reading your blog for a while and so love and admire that you are so honest and real. Sending positive, healing thoughts your way!

Like many others, this will be my first comment after reading your blog for a while. I felt I had to comment after that post. I had to hold back tears. I have always enjoyed your playful and poignant posts and look forward to seeing more of them as this story unfolds. You are an inspiration to mamas everywhere. My thoughts are with you and your family. From a Dubai Mama.

Cancer sucks. There is no other way to put it. And yes, you WILL be fine!! You are going to have a difficult few months, or possibly a difficult year, but you will come out of this and your life will return to you. I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!

I thought about you all day yesterday after reading this post, and not just because I was wearing my new green Gap printed capris purchased after seeing yours last week. I can’t help but believe your blog happened for a reason… so you now know what a universe of support you have out these and can also be an inspiration to your readers going forward. Hugs and good wishes.

I absolutely love your blog and I’ve found it to be so full of not only helpful advice, but heart-warming and encouraging advice as well. It’s so hard to become a mother and not feel like yourself and have to deal with all the cultural shit that goes along with the transition (all the MILF stuff you wrote about!!!). I love your advice.
Anyway, I would be so PISSED, too, if I found out about this after 5 years of nursing. That sucks. It does. It’s so okay to admit that.
You are smart for getting it checked out and you’re smart for taking the next step. I’m so sorry you have to go through it, though. Take it one day at a time and know that people are here for you, encouraging you and sympathizing.

This process sucks, and you are a tough woman facing it down with this much chutzpah! You have mamas all over the world pulling for you and wishing you well. We’re sending our biggest best good vibes for fast healing and good test results and many, many years of joyful reunions with your kids in your future. Hang in there!

Just started reading your blog over the last few weeks and have been going back back back through all the entries but came across this new post today and just had to comment — so so sorry to hear of this but you will definitely kick it! Hope the time goes by quickly and before you know it you are back on your feet and feeling back to normal as well. As others have said –internet hugs–; stay strong as positive as you always are!!!!

Yet another long-time reader, first-time commenter here… thank you for this beautifully written post. I want to join in the chorus of all these mamas to say that I’m sending good thoughts and prayers your way. Cancer sucks, but you will be fine!

I don’t know how you managed to internalize this news and turn into into such an honest, generous piece of writing. You are one badass mother, that’s what I know for sure.
I look forward to hearing about your successful recovery. Feel free to blog about particularly fashionable hospital gowns. We love everything you do, regardless of its form or function.

Thank you for your wonderful blog – it always puts a smile on my face (and has been great for thinking beyond the spit-up-upon shirt and sweatpants of early months of being a mom).
I wish you the best in the upcomming months. Let yourself be taken care of by your loved ones.

Longtime reader–first time commenter. I have always loved your writing and this piece makes me LOVE it and LOVE how cool it is of you to share your story. Wishing you all the best and knowing that your sense of humor and really great family will have tremendous medicinal power.

Shana, I’ve never commented before, but have loved your blog for a long time and have shared it with so many of my mama friends. As I sat at work yesterday reading your post in my inbox, I felt paralyzed with shock and heartbreak. I had to re-read it to believe what I was reading.
Your ability on your blog to always speak with such openness and share so much of who you are with us, is a gift. You make us feel like we are not alone, that we are good enough just as we are, and because of your words, we are changed. We are made whole and better.
As you move through this experience now, all I can hope is that our comments here, though small in gesture, in some tiny way, let you know that you are not alone, and that you are cared for and matter so much to us all.
Throwing huge hugs, strength, love, and courage out into the universe to fill the spaces between us.

Shana, like many other mamas here, I have been reading your wonderful blog for ages, but have never commented before. In reading this post, though, I am sitting here with tears streaming down my cheeks. You have such a gift for writing and you have shared this moment in your life with all of us in such a poignant way.
I am wishing you (and your lovely family) the very, very best as you move through the surgery and begin your healing.
Sending big hugs from BC, Canada

My prayers will be lifting you and your family up as you all go through this together. My mom is a breast cancer survivor as well, so I understand it from that perspective. I am so thankful it was caught early, I know you still have quite the road to go but I also know what an amazing group of people you have surrounding you, helping you shoulder this weight, filling your life with love and encouragement. You have given us, your Readers, so much through your blogging, your humor, your wicked-fabulous shopping enabling, your devotion to showing us Mamas how to keep that spunk and spark alive in the midst of kid-chaos. Now I hope that we can give back to you, to be there for you, to cheer you on through this, to laugh, to cry, to shake our fists, or pour another glass of wine, to wear those killer heels knowing you’d be proud.

Cancer is crap and I’m so sorry you have to deal with this! You’re a strong woman and I know you’ll be ok but ill keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Long time reader & first time commenter,
Amanda from NY

Another first time commenter. I just wanted you to know I will be sending you all the positive thoughts I have. This is not something mommas with littles should have to deal with. I am sure you will be fine!

Geez, I was just looking for a white t-shirt suggestion and BAM reality hit. Best to you during this journey and I will pray for you and your family. Like many, I know several women who have gone through this including a few family members. You will be ok. It will be hard but you will be ok. Check out Ms. Jolie in her dress today with her hubby at his premiere? There is another side and it will be good;-)

Oh Shana… I have been reading your blog for the past 8 months or so almost obsessively. When you go more than a couple days without writing I miss you like an old friend so when I read your post yesterday I was floored. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this horrible crap. I have been surrounded by cancer for years, my moms breasts, a friends brain, another girlfriends colon. I can only imagine how overwhelming and difficult this must be. I wish I were your neighbor and could pop over to help out. Know that I am sending you healing thoughts from Chicago. I know you will get through this perhaps not unscathed but definitely wiser and stronger. And remember that all your loyal followers are sending you love.

Shana, Others have said it far better than I could, but please add me to the list of mamas out there keeping a good thought for you always! You are a truly special person and your positive attitude is inspiring!

Shana,
I have been reading your blog for a long time now, so of course I feel like we are best friends. I got so choked up when I read this. You WILL be fine and you can beat this. Thank you for being so brave to share this.

I’m so sorry you have been faced with this.
More than anything else, I hate cancer. I lost my Dad to a stage 4 brain tumour one year ago.
Thank you for sharing this personal news with your readers. I can’t think of a single person I know who hasn’t been touched by cancer in some way, and it’s important for others to know they are not alone in this fight.
Be well:) You are in my thoughts.

Hello Shana,
I too am from Marquette and I was thinking about our beloved Madame Amo today and wishing I had a nice portrait of her to put up in my apartment. I googled her name to see if I might be able to find one online, and I saw your recent entry. In case it might offer any comfort at all, I wanted to let you know that the “diagnosis day” is one of the worst days (if not the worst day) you will go through, and now it’s behind you. Even with any future arduous treatment, you will NEVER have to go through that first day again. At least, I believe this was true in my family’s experience with my mother’s multiple myeloma (she was sick the same time when Madame was for the last time). It’s amazing how rapidly a “new normal” is reached, and in your case with in situ cancer, it sounds like you have a really good shot at a superb “new normal”! I will be hoping for the best for you!

I’m on vacation and didn’t get through your entire post but I got the most important part. My eyes welled up in tears as I feel that we are like close friends and it’s saddens me to see you go through this. No words can express how sorry I am. BUT you will get through it and it will pass. You WILL come out strong on the other side. Hang in there. You’re in my thoughts. (HUGS!) Please keep us posted.

you’re the first blog that i really got into when i started nursing. i’ve taken your advice and shopping tips to heart. my husband hated the $$ i spent here and there but hey i gave birth and my boobs got big. i need to look good. bite me. speedy recovery to you and all the strength to you and your family.

HI Shana,
You were in my mind today and I just popped over for some savvy fashion advice…of course I’m surprised by your tough news but inspired by your voice and how calmly and beautifully you’re handling this. You’re an inspiration in so many ways and I want you to know that I’m here for you. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.
xo, your west coast friend, Rachelle

Shana, I am also a longtime reader and first time commenter. I love reading your blog even though I know I am a frumpy mess of a mama. You raise awareness on issues both big and small, and you are changing women’s lives. Not only did I go to the zoo yesterday with a new knowledge that my khaki capris were in the danger zone, but I also did a self breast exam in the shower for the first time in a long time, too long considering my mom had breast cancer. Thank you for sharing your story and reminding us 30 somethings that we are not immune to the big C. You are brave and stronger than you think you are. My thoughts are with you. -Jenny from Seattle

Oh wow I, too, feel like I am reading about an old friend when I read your blog. You have been such an inspiration to me, and my heart goes out to you and your family. Sending lots of love and prayers your way!!

I’ve been reading your blog for years and just wanted to say stay strong! We’ll keep you in our prayers. My friend had a double mastectomy this year and is finishing chemo but she is getting stronger every day. You, too, will beat this!

I’m a new reader, and find comfort in your blog. Your style is incredible. Chic without trying too hard, and modern yet momma appropriate. I lost my style after having my first child, and your blog reminds me that I can still be fashion forward, and a mom. My heart hurt when I read this. I’m at a loss for words except to say, there are people out here who are sending messages of a successful surgery and speedy recovery. You’ll be cancer free in no time.

Hi lady. I’m a long time reader and rare commentor, but your blog is so wonderful I feel like we are BFFs. I teared up at reading this post today, but I’m with you 100%: you will be FINE. It’ll be tough, some days, but you and your wonderful family will get through it. I’ll be thinking of you and sending positivity your way. You keep your chin up!

Just catching up on the blog, and just saw this….I’m hoping all the best results for you! Glad you called the docs and it was caught early. As well as staying positive, know it’s ok to fall apart sometimes. Give yourself time and grace. Cry when you need to. Be nice to yourself as much as you can.

“thank you for sharing this” seems like something i wouldn’t normally say to someone, anyone- but in this case you don’t even know me but you’ve just let me (and hundreds? thousands? of other *awesome* mamas) in on this deeply personal and difficult and nerve-wracking and surreal(and once you get to pick out new boobs, kind of interesting? maybe? too soon?) event in your life. you’ve been a huge source of inspiration to me for quite a while- you’re spirit, life, and creativity…not just the great clothing choices…i know you’ll kick cancer’s ass because you just *will*- you have to, so you will. that’s just how it is. we’re here for you, even those of us who you don’t know and will probably never know, we’re here for you. always, in all ways.

Shana, Just know that you have a whole army of mamas behind you, thinking of you and praying for you. I have enjoyed your blog so much over the past two years, and I know more is coming. Take your time, rest, recover, and blog when you can, we will all still be here.

I have been meaning to comment on this post. I have been reading your blog only for a few months and I love it!!! I can’t wait until your next post to pop up in my reader. I am so glad you found it early and wish you luck in being cancer free for a long time.

Thank you for your post.
Busy week, and I was just checking in for some mom fashion tips when I saw your story. I’m just so sorry that you have to go through this.
Bilateral mastectomy was the right choice for me. (I’m 38, a doctor, and I look at cancer under the microscope all day. I couldn’t just sit and continue to worry forever, especially as a single mom to a 9 yr old daughter.)
And, the whole long reconstruction process is still ongoing for me. It’s weird — so crazy weird on so many unexpected levels — but you’ll do great. You’ll never be quite like you were before, but you’re super strong, and you can make it. You’ll come out of it even better.
I’m just so impressed with you — now with your bravery as much as your style!
Best wishes on this journey. You’ll do awesome!

like others, i have been reading this blog since i stumbled upon it back when i was nursing my first (which rolled into nursing my second, which i still am)… your blog has offered so much insight and wisdom – yes, it’s fashion, but so much more. self esteem. being a woman. a mother. all that together. and you have so bravely shared your own journey and now this — sending you lots of support, wishes and heartfelt healing from across the globe in new zealand (an expat in the US who has made her mother go shopping to pick up some things you’ve recommended). the same mom who in her 70s also just had the same diagnosis about a year ago now, had a double masectomy as well (this was her second battle with the C) and she’s doing great! so, keep faith and your little ones will offer and reflect back to you the strength you have… one of the spectacular gifts of parenthood. be well. and thank you for sharing your honesty and bravery.

You are amazing. The fact that you shared this and took something that’s affecting you as an opportunity to encourage others to get our shiz checked sooner rather than later is certain to have saved many, many families from heartache.
You and your family will be in my prayers. I’ll be sending positive vibes your way. Thank you for making our lives more beautiful by helping us look and feel beautiful, and by being an example of beauty, grace and positivity in all circumstances. You’re a cool chick.
XO

thank you for sharing this with us!
your loved ones and readers will be right behind you through this journey. your strength, humor (and impeccable style) will be assets during the tough times.
hugs to you and your family!

I’ve enjoyed checking out your blog for fashion tips for over a year now and just am getting caught up on what you’re going through. I’m also 37 and have two kids about the same age. What a shocker it is to hear about a peer dealing with cancer. It’s brave folks like you who lead the way and show us how to be strong and survive when/if it happens to the rest of us. I’m here cheering you on!
Sincerely, Andie
P.S. I love your blog, thanks for sticking to it.

I just came across your blog this evening as I was frantically looking for online shopping ideas for a busy momma of three young kids. I came across this particular post and I am touched by your upbeat perseverance. I also want to thank you. I have had a lump in my right breast ever since I stopped nursing my first baby. Or, at least that’s when a doctor first noticed it. I was told that it was probably related to weaning. And five years later, and two babies later, after nursing again and again, the lump is still there. I started to worry about it a few weeks ago. I haven’t nursed in a year, so you’d think a “clogged duct” would have cleared up by now. I got this feeling that I really should have it checked out and asked my doctor husband what he thought. He’s not an OB/Gyn so he just shook his head and said he had no idea. So, I brushed it off and decided I didn’t have time to deal with it right now. Reading this is a stark reminder that we, as mothers and the strong and fearless leaders of our household, NEED to make time to take care of ourselves for the sake of our family. I can tell by reading through your blog that you are a strong, self-empowered woman with a love for life and a love for your family. You’re the center of their world. My heart goes out to you as you hold your head high and take on this challenge. You are amazing!

I just saw the photo of you post-surgery. You will be great. I also had DCIS with bilateral mastectomy with lat flat reconstruction. My dx was 7 years ago. The pain does go away and some feeling does come back. Keep your sense of humor and cry when you need to.
Best of luck to you and your family.

I just found this blog via Grace at Camp Patton. I wanted to let you know I’m praying for you. I’m being treated for what I call “cancerish”, Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I will offer up some of my time at Chemo this week for you, and please know you and your family are in my prayers.

Thank you so much for sharing this. As a thirty-six-year-old fellow mama – and Philadelphian!- who recently had a lump checked out (mine thankfully was nursing-related), this post filled me with a mixture of shock, sadness, compassion, admiration, and about a dozen other emotions. I was thrilled to read that your surgery was a success, and I’ll be thinking of you and your family as you continue on your journey through recovery, reconstruction, and ultimately, healing.

I stumbled across your blog from another blog…my heart is aching for you.
I am a breast cancer survivor. My first diagnosis came while I was pregnant with my first child in 2002. I had a lumpectomy when she was 7 weeks old. I had a recurrence in 2006, followed by another lumpectomy. And in 2010, when I had another recurrence (at 28 years old), I underwent a bi-lateral mastectomy – 7 days before my baby turned 3, radiation, and reconstruction. I also had a hysterectomy.
If I could say anything to you it would be this…the road ahead is going to be hard, and some days are going to seem unbearable…but you WILL survive this. You WILL have days when they only thing good seems to be the love of your family, and on those days, a simple smile or hug from your babies will pull you through. You WILL also have great days in there. Cry when you need to, laugh when you can, love like it’s your last day, and teach your children what it means to fight like a girl. You’ve got this!
Praying for you.

My heart goes out to you, and I can completely identify with the surealness of the situation, as though you’re living 2 lives: the one in which the washing still has to be done, and you have to have have conversations with people in which you pretend to be paying attention and nodding and smiling in all the right places; and this other existence which you didn’t ask for as has been foisted upon you, and screams continually in your face.
I wish you all the very best.

Please don’t undergo chemo!! There are holistic alternatives that are worth trying, especially because you are still young. Please look for alternatives before going into this… I came across this blog (http://www.chrisbeatcancer.com/) few months ago and I am really glad that I could read this before anyone I know gets cancer. Take some time to think about it, i beg you… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_k3B0y0tjCg