An ongoing journey through substance abuse and eating disorders.

Not Sleeping as Self-destruction

My sleeping has been inadequate the last couple of weeks. I seem to fall asleep alright but I find myself waking between 3.30am and 5am with the urge to get out of bed and start my day, even if I’m tired.

I just realized a few days back that my judgment is significantly impaired when I’m exhausted. Like, use drugs or starve or purge (I’m already rationalizing blowing off my morning snack because I had a NutriGrain bar at 5am). I appear to be self-sabotaging by subconsciously keeping myself awake when I should be asleep.

The good news is that I’m finally recognizing what’s happening and have done a ‘cope ahead’ plan for precisely this situation. Now, I just need to execute. I’m taking a nap as soon as I get home. I’ve already got 3 hours of work under my belt that so that shouldn’t be a problem. And I’ll stick to my plan to avoid doing anything unskillful until I can get some much needed sleep.