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Wednesday, April 27, 2011

A Ray of Light on an Overcast Day

After a long couple of weeks I sit here watching my favorite Julia Stiles movie, sipping a glass of wine, and writing my blog. At this moment in the movie, Julia (aka: Paige Wood) is struggling because she is watching the last of her friends get married, struggling to finish her degree, and is a work-a-holic. Maybe that is why I love this movie so much. I feel I relate to her.

Reflecting on the past several weeks, it seems there have been a lot of hardships. As my mom says "the Devil must be testing me before the good fortunes come my way". Everything I do and everything I touch turns sour. It's like bad luck follows, and I can't stop participating in everyday activities because life would be boring. Yet, I'm afraid to continue on.

I also find it interesting that everyone has an opinion. Most everyone seems to think that their opinion is valuable. However, I disagree. For the first time in my life, I am sick of hearing what everyone believes- unless I ask for the advice.

So I believe I am at a crossroads. I have never had to make such hard decisions but sometimes the decisions made help to grow as an individual. I am learning that I need to break away from several friends- as it is time for a new crowd. I need to learn how to enjoy being alone- even though I hate being alone because I feel lonesome all day. And I need to stay focused as I have very specific goals. Within time, I hope to see positive results. And once there are positive results and I am truly happy from the inside out, maybe I'll even meet my Prince Charming. :) Because in the meantime, I can't stand meeting any more losers.

If I sound sad, I apologize, as I don't feel sad. It is just the realization that change needs to occur. And everyone knows how difficult change can be. So as I sit here sipping my wine, reflecting on previous events, and trying to figure out how to make positive changes for the future, it is becoming clear everything will work itself out. But to have things work out, I must have patience-me having patience is like the everyday person winning the lottery.

To everyone trying to make a positive change, I wish you good luck. And to those trying to maintain balance in their life, I wish you the best. And until everything works itself out, I am going to finish watching my movie, enjoying my wine, and attempting to cuddle a rabbit that hates being cuddled while the cat sits and purrs on the couch not worrying about the stresses of the day.