Natural Harvest: A Collection Of Semen-Based Recipes (2011)

review 1: If you had ever told me that I’d be reviewing a cookbook, I would have said you were crazy. My genderqueer nature seems to lend itself to culinary extremes, with a slightly chilled glass of red wine and a nice peppercorn steak on the one end, and an ice-cold glass of Dr. Pepper (fountain only, please, and slightly flat) and a plate of chicken wings on the other. There’s a wide gap in between, and I’m just not one to fill it by experimenting with new tastes.Besides, when a friend dropped Natural Harvest in my lap, I thought it was a joke. I mean, really, a collection of semen-based recipes? The very concept seemed absurd, if it was a joke . . . and unimaginably exciting, if it wasn’t.Paul starts off by making a good point – if you look at civilized cultures around... more the world, we do eat a lot of very odd things on a regular basis. From rotten fish in Sweden, to blood sausage in Great Britain, to bovine mammary secretions (milk) in North America, we don’t even think about what we’re eating. Comparatively speaking, semen is not that unusual, and has the added benefit of being nutritious, cheap to produce, and readily available.Over the past 2 week’s I’ve tried several of the recipes in the book. Even as a polyamorous lover with an admitted cum-fetish, I was pleasantly surprised to discover how wonderful some of the recipes tasted. For the sake of experimentation, I tried them both with and without the semen, and I can honestly say there was a palatable difference, although the taste was not at all what I expected. In a sense, semen seems a bit like tofu – the taste varies widely by both the donor’s diet, and by the ingredients with which it’s mixed.As far as Drinks go (Chapter 1), I loved the Almost White Russian and the Irish Coffee with Extra Cream may just become a breakfast staple. In terms of Appetizers (Chapter 2), the Grilled & Glazed Salmon was quite good although I will admit to a few substitutions (haddock for salmon) and a few omissions (soy sauce and mustard). When it comes to the Main Courses (Chapter 3), the Roasted Lamb with Good Gravy was just wonderful, and the Chicken Soup was as much fun to eat as it was to make. I almost skipped over the Sauces (Chapter 4), figuring they were kind of no-brainers, but the Special ‘S’ BBQ Sauce is the most amazing thing I have ever tasted! If there were one recipe in the book that I’d love help with making in bulk, it is that one! Surprisingly, the Deserts (Chapter 5) didn’t appeal to me as much as I expected, but Cum Crème Caramel was absolutely succulent, and I have a friend coming over tonight to help me make the Chocolate Truffles with White Creamy Centers.I’ve always joked with my lovers about semen being a nutritious snack, but I was quite surprised to find out just how true that is. If you’re at all sceptical about concept of Natural Harvest, consider this – as Paul points out in the back of the book, semen actually meets the criteria for a low-carb food, complete with a healthy dose of zinc, magnesium, calcium, potassium, and even vitamin B12.Not only that, but it’s a lot more fun to collect than grocery shopping could ever be!review 2: get over here, bourdain...in this economy, cutting back is sometimes necessary. groceries are expensive, and sometimes you gotta find ways to be more self-sufficient: windowsill herb gardens, cutting coupons, eating out less. i hear you. so what about this??think of it like a victory garden... in your pants!!i guarantee this will get men to cook and have fun doing it!! brings families together!! don't contribute to overpopulation - do some cooking instead!!!and vegans, i gotta know - where do you stand on this? i understand not wanting to eat meat or things that come out of animals who are trapped in their pens with their big eyes or fluffy feathers, i understand not wanting to steal from the bees' hard labor, but this?? i assure you, the animal in question feels no pain and would not be caged against its will and would probably be producing this ingredient out of boredom or loneliness regardless. cum on, vegans!!"spunky candied pecans"!! oh, wait - that has butter. hang on. if y'all are cool with the manjuice, you can have "noodles with special spicy sauce" and not wound anything!it is actually a very practical cookbook, and offers several tips such as keeping a cumstash in the freezer to which you (one) contribute(s) every day so you always have provisions on hand. (three days in the fridge without deterioration, apparently indefinitely in the freezer) there are tips about maximizing your (one's) semen production, how to enhance its flavor, how to "melt" ejaculate, i mean, it is for the very resourceful, but the food photography is gorgeous, so even padma would probably put this stuff in her mouth! and of course, a disclaimer "this cookbook is written for consenting diners of semen. please do not add semen to your guest's food without informing them beforehand."those are the author's words, i am making no promises. ima get me a stable of males and some new saucepans.oh, and lesball - there is a lumpia recipe!!omnivore's dilemma indeed... less