Come Along for the Ride...

How my journey as a submissive led me closer to God

D/s

I am in a daze today. After a couple of cups of coffee, I am still groggy. I haven’t even dressed yet. I am still in my gown, which I just noticed…is inside out.

I feel hungover. It’s a love hangover.

Maestro and I have been keeping some late nights lately. Over the last week there have been several 3:00 am “wake-up” calls. It’s interesting how you can be physically exhausted and yet mentally energized.

Yesterday, we spent the majority of the day entertaining the kids. It was an all-day affair of going here and there. They are so full of energy! After they finally went to bed, we each retreated to our computers to decompress. Around midnight, M went to bed. I continued researching information for an article I’m writing for work. I came to bed around 1:00 am and decided it was my turn to sound the alarm.

I may have sounded the alarm, but he opened the floodgates. I am no good to anyone today. I am a sleepy, distracted mess of a woman, wearing a mysterious smile on her face. There’s no cure for what I have, but I suspect Maestro has a remedy. I should probably take a nap. I have a feeling it will be a long night once again.

I left off about four months ago. We were on the cusp of change. Moving. Changing jobs. Relocating our family. And suddenly our plans changed.

About one week after I wrote my last post, my father died. I knew it was coming, but didn’t expect him to go as quickly as he did. I had the time to say what I needed to say to him. Most of his family visited and he was at peace. He knew he was loved.

My first day at the new job was delayed by a week, because of his passing. I work for hospice, so if anyone understands everything that’s involved in dealing with death, hospice does. They were understanding and even sent flowers to his service. And then everything changed in a matter of a week, that week I was supposed to have started.

I walked into the office on my first day, and the three people who’d interviewed me were no longer with the company. My direct manager, the administrator and the regional director. All gone. The replacements were of a completely different mindset and had little to no concern for me or anyone else, nor for anything other than our numbers. It was like walking into a lion’s den. To make matters worse, I fell walking into a hospital to visit a patient and broke my foot. I’ve been sequestered to a desk since June, when I typically work in the field.

M’s job was not what it seemed either. The director of human resources that recruited and hired him, left after his second week on the job. No one else was designated to train him, so they tucked him away in a corner, watching training videos for three weeks. There was a complete restructure of his department, and his position changed significantly. Needless to say, he’s not happy.

The good news in all of this…we never relocated. It was almost as if God was looking out for us. We were outbid on the first house we liked and the second one had some major underlying issues, so we retracted our offer. It seemed there were all these obstacles around us finding a place to live. I am so thankful. We hate the commute, but we find ways to make it work while we look for jobs closer to home.

All of this turmoil has left me in a strange place. I am still grieving over my father. He and my mother died within 18 months of each other and that’s a lot to process. I really dislike my job and feel that I am being spiritually led to other ventures. I need to cultivate a different career path…one that allows me more time with my children and M. I am happiest when I serve others, and I’ve lost that part of job satisfaction where I am.

So our life has been re-routed. But we are still strong. Our family continues to thrive. And I am ever-grateful to be on this path to ‘whatever comes next’ with my M…even if he won’t stop to ask for directions. I know he will lead us to where we need to be. I know he will help me find who I’ve yet to become.

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It has been far too long since I’ve written on here. Life has become very hectic and my time very limited. But life is good. And it gets better every day.

Maestro and I are still growing as a couple. This past year of living together has been exciting and tumultuous. And scary. And challenging. And wonderful. We are a great match. We complement each other. Where I am weak, he is strong.

It is all good…but I really miss the scenes. Those over-the-top sexual marathons that left us both breathless and sore. Those weekends where our only goal was to worship each other. We still connect. We still play. He still beats my ass when I am smart-mouthed and defiant. But with the day-to-day, with the demands of work and kids, we have little time left over for those hedonistic weekends we crave.

But things are looking up. We are moving to a new city. M was recruited by a large firm in a neighboring state and has landed a dream job. For now, he is commuting, but next month…we will all move there. It’s very exciting. What is more exciting is that we will be able to reclaim our bedroom. Our sacred space. The bossy two-year old is getting her own room (finally) and we will be able to sneeze without the risk of waking her.

I can’t wait to begin this chapter of our lives together. I have never relocated with anyone before. I have never packed up the family and moved to another place for work. It’s a great feeling. Liberating and secure, all at the same time. And I cannot wait to have more alone time with M.

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There is nothing like marathon make-up sex to make it all better. Since M’s been back, we’ve been back at it…each and every and any opportunity we can.

In the morning before work…

Those” run home for a quick lunch” Nooners…

The “we have 30 minutes before the kids get home from school” afternoon delights

Those “time for bed” at 8:30 evenings where we don’t actually go to sleep until 1:00 am

The wee hour “wake up call” where there’s no need for an alarm, beacause we never go to sleep.

And as much as I love how he takes me. How he controls me. The immense pleasure we share…what I really love, is how close we are becoming. It feels like the brief hiatus ignited our devotion to one another. I find myself more submissive. I am more acutely aware of my service to him. I want to give more of myself to him.

And on a side note, all of this action is great for my fitness routine.

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Our time apart was brief. It was simply a time to breathe and account for where we are in our lives. Who we are.

Where we are as a couple. And where we want to go.

The windshield is clean, our path is clear and laid out in front of us. He remains in the driver’s seat and I am his loyal passenger as we drive off into the sunset…into this next phase of us. No big life events planned. It’s just that we have now experienced what life would be like apart, and neither of us wants that.

When he arrived home, things were a little awkward. We were friendly and affectionate, but there was a formality. A hesitancy in the mood. I think we were both shell-shocked from the time apart and we felt weary and worn. Also, he didn’t arrive until 2:00 am, after an 8-hour drive. We were both exhausted. We talked for a bit and retired to bed.

I was drifting off to sleep when he leaned over and kissed me. I opened my eyes and found him watching me as I dosed. He kissed me again. His mouth tasted divine and my lips felt like a magnet, drawing towards his. We didn’t talk. We just kissed each other for a long time. Soft sweet kisses. Open passionate kisses. Slowly kissing. Taking it all in.

I found myself aroused by his mouth. I couldn’t get enough of his lips on mine. Feeling his tongue explore mine. The sweet taste. My mouth watered for more. My body salivated for his touch.

He pulled me to him and we began to make love. His touch felt so good on my skin and even better on my soul. His love penetrated me so deeply that I could feel my heart bleeding for him. For us. Each movement was affirmation that there is not another human being in this universe made for me, as he is. This connection. This depth is something that I was destined to have with my One.

My orgasms were swift and powerful and profoundly meaningful. I found myself, once again, shedding my layers for him. Revealing myself…more of myself. Giving all to him as it should be. I was so overwhelmed with pleasure and joy that I began to weep. Releasing everything as I laid my head on his chest. He breathed me in with each breath and exhaled himself, filling me with the air I need to thrive.

Afterwards, I reflected on our beautiful session, thinking about how amazing he is. How good we are together. And I realized the reason why we are so attuned to each other. I figured out how it is that every time, over a year into this, the sex is mind-blowing, existential and powerful. It our connection and it is our selfless love of each other. Each of us puts the other first…their needs and desires. There is no hidden agenda of me “getting mine” or him “getting his.” It is absolute selfless love and focus on the other person. We demonstrate this in how we make love. And we demonstrate this selflessness in our relationship. Always putting the other first.

This is what a real relationship looks like. A first for me. This is a healthy, happy place that I share with my M who makes it a reality. His love and adoration of me, gives me permission and acceptance to finally love myself. And this love allows me to give him all that I am. It’s a beautiful exchange.

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Sometimes, life gets in the way. The desire is there. The passion is there. But so are the kids. The bills. The housework. The jobs.

And waiting in the corner…staring at me smugly is that ever-growing bastard…the laundry.

So what’s a couple to do with limited time on their hands? This is an age-old question and I bet if you Google it, I am sure you will find several versions of the same Ladies Home Journal article, along with multiple Cosmopolitan articles about how to keep the fires hot. There may be some valuable advice in there about making time…about connecting…about reverse-cowgirling your lover like Seabiscuit till you both win the race.

But let me ask this….what’s a kinky couple to do with limited time on their hands? A couple who pushes limits. A couple who teeters towards edge play. A couple whose marathon scenes have been known to go on for days. How do they find the time to-do-that-thing-they-do?

For M and I, we have always somehow found a way, and the only rule (which is more like an anti-rule) is “anytime, anywhere and any way we can get away with it.”

But a little while back, we were struggling to find a way. It had been a couple of weeks since we’d engaged in anything sexual. I’d been dealing with putting my father on hospice and we’d both been busy getting the kids settled in school. There was little to no time for anything other than kids/parents, bills, meals and everything else that demanded our attention.

But one night lying in bed as I was about to fall into a deep coma from exhaustion, I felt his breath in my ear.

“Assume the position, my little slut.” I could feel his hand clasp my throat and I quickly rose to my knees and faced him. He stroked my hair and face. I was immediately awake and at attention. He pulled me to his lips and kissed me as if it were our first kiss. Long and passionate and purposeful. I could feel his hand between my thighs searching for his perfect spot. Within minutes I was a puddle of a mess. He kissed me again.

And then he said, “Go get a towel.” I am glad thought of that. My M definitely knows best.

For hours we worshipped each other’s bodies. It was a session of pure, uninhibited play. I don’t know when, if ever, I’ve had orgasms like that. They were so fast…one after another…after another…after another. The towel was soaked from his handiwork. We barely came up for air…each of us pleasuring the other. I loved that his hips came off the bed as he plunged himself deeply in my mouth, clutching my long hair in his hands as he unloaded himself down my throat. Neither of us could get enough. It was as if we made up for lost time, many times over.

My journey to subspace was swift and beautiful. I was able to find the peace I so badly needed. I let go of all that was vying for a place in my thoughts, and realized that my only real need is to serve M. If I do this. If I give Him my everything, he will lighten my burden. He will ease my mind.

And he will fuck the ever-living shit out of me at a moment’s notice. DAMN…..

When we finally passed out, sated and exhausted, it was almost 4:00 in the morning. I was up early for work the next day. Rejuvenated. Refreshed.