8.22.2008

~missing~

(Do I look ready?)

Sorry I have been so bad about blogging this week. It has been a crazy one.

Today looks like it could quite possibly be the day. I heard from my moron doctor on Tuesday evening, and it sounded like he said he didn't want me to go past Friday since apparently I have Jabba the hut residing in me...So my appointment is at ten, and I think I am ready.

Do you ever feel like you are pushing your luck? I have four beautiful, relatively healthy, amazing, most of the time pretty good, children. Was I tempting the Gods by trying again? My deliveries have been long, and as hard as can be expected, but nothing serious has ever happened. Is this the time? I am filled with anxiety. Jon is getting sick of me, of my worrying. Then the other night he comes in and finds me watching a show about Proteus Syndrome. He was not very happy to say the least. I am panicky about the epidural, no way in hell I can do it without one, but I absolutely panic during the procedure. It hurts so bad. The only one that didn't hurt was Chloe's, and that was because they had given me 2 shots of Demerol before hand, needless to say I was quite happy afterwards...

I have never been so worried, can I do this all over again? Can I handle the nights, the ear infections, the crying, the inability to communicate through words? I am praying Heavenly Father will stay with me, and give me the strength I need. I know once I have that sweet, not-so-little girl in my arms, it will all be alright, but until then I am a mess.

I will keep you all updated once I know if something is really going to happen today. I may have 5 red heads by the end of the night.

7 comments:

Anonymous
said...

I don’t know why you are so intent on thinking that something is going to go wrong this time. You have done this Four times, you have four Healthy kids, they are all well behaved except for that rotten Buffy, and nothing is going to be wrong with this one. Remember that the Lord does not give us anything we are not capable of handling. You need to have Jon give you a blessing of comfort and you need to have Faith in the Lord and in YOURSELF that you can do this and He will see you through this. I love you and I can hardly wait for a new Red head to enter this world. Remember Short, tall, fat, skinny, or just plain goofy looking you will love this child unconditionally and she will be a blessing in your life. I love you Red!!

I felt the same way before the birth of my last baby. I was a nervous wreck. But everything will be fine and when all of your hormones are back to normal you will wonder why you were so stressed in the first place. I can't wait to see your newest addition :)

I freak about the epitural too. it wasn't as bad as i remembered though! i ask the nurse to stand in front of me and hold my hands and then i ask her 320909808 questions about her personal like related to all things kids and healthy deliveries.

you will do great and odds are it will be a red head and healthy!!!! hang in- you will do great!!!

I am so excited for you! I totally know how you are feeling. When it was time for Emma to come and the Dr. realized that she let her get too big ,and the ultra sound said she would be between 10-11 pounds I was terrified. I even wrote notes to Brian and Collin in case something happened to me. I second Johnny's comments and I know with all my heart that the Lord will not give us anything we can not handle! With Emma the delivery was super easy compared to Collin's and she only ended up being 9pounds 14 ounces!! I hope you have a quick delivery, however if it takes till tomorrow then me and the newest red will share B-days! Best of luck...we will be praying for you!!