change process

Many people come to relationship counselling with the idea that they can use the expertise of a professional to get their partner to listen to their needs for change, that perhaps hearing it from a third party will have a different impact.

It seems so simple - issues come up, we talk them through, and we change accordingly! Sometimes it really does work that way - when we're clear about what the issue is, we have a general sense of trust in our capacity as a couple to work through conflict, when life is relatively stress-free, and when the issue is easily understood and resolved. The rest of the time? I often think that issues couples fight about are like the tip of the iceberg - the thing being talked about is often the thing we can see, but it's the parts we can't see that are tripping us up.