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TL;DR: My grandfather was the only male role model in my life, he passed away after 2 years of suffering from alzheimers. Every November I get down as fuck remembering the whole thing, does it get easier?

I grew up (mostly) without my father, he divorced my mother and ran off when I was 11-12. Since I don't remember much from before then I have no real memories of him being a father, as such he was never a role model for me (Except how not to be a father). This left my Grandfather. He was a fantastic man, he worked his entire life to provide the most for his family. He was kind, generous and extremely fun to be around. I thought the world of him.

When I was 15-16 he began showing signs of Alzheimers, it hit quickly and like a ton of bricks. The following 2 years he was moved from care-home to care-home as he deteriorated. I never saw him during this time because I was scared, seeing him like that would of shattered my view of him and I couldn't admit to myself that he was human (Sloppy wording, but you get my point).

He passed away late in Novemeber, it fucking ruined me.

Every November I get down as fuck. It varies from year to year but it always starts when I remember that the anniversary of his passing is coming up. It's the worst time of year for me. Previous years it's lasted for months.

So my question. Reddit, does it ever get easier? If you've lost a loved one how did you cope with it in the years afterwards?

My aunt died from a freak accident when I was 17, she was my godmother and by far the relative I was closest to, apart from my mother. (My dad was out of the picture, and passed away when I was 10)

Every May I think about her, and it does suck. I don't really know how to explain how I cope...we have her sons over for the weekend a lot, and it's a testament to her what smart & funny boys they have become. We tell them stories about her, they enjoy it. Seeing them in action is awesome, and reminds me how great she was.

Think about the great ways your grandfather influenced you, and help you become a better person. You will pass that on to others!

EDIT: grammar

I don't know, I am garbage at feelings. But time helps, and talking about him and telling stories will help, and knowing he still influences you today. Hope you don't get too down this November, man!

My dad committed suicide 8 years ago, and when I think of it even now, I get that stabbed feeling. All the memories of after he died come back and make me really sad. I was the one who had to clean out his condo, often by myself, and I kept thinking he'd walk in, wearing his nice wool coat, and ask me what the heck I was doing. It really hit me about a week later when my 8 year old said, "We're never going to see Grandpa again, are we?" Sitting here typing this is making me tear up. You never stop missing the ones you love who are gone forever. But remember... It's the Circle of Life, and he is a part of you. Take that little part with you daily and know that he's not all the way gone.

I totally get that. I remember clearing some stuff at my nans house / whenever we'd go round after I'd always expect him to walk in. Or that he'd be out in the garden or in his shed. Like somehow it never happened and he'd just walk back in.

It's been a tough road and I have been on it 3 years longer than you. It does get better. But it never goes away. All my grandparents were special, especially one grandma. I thought I couldn't go on when she died. But when my dad did what he did, it was not only him being dead but him rejecting me and my sister. I was 36 when he killed himself, but I still felt like the 10 year old daughter and that he was supposed to still be here for us. It took a while before I could grasp that it wasn't about me and my sister, it was about our dad's depression.

Don't mean to bore you with my story, but just know that it gets less acutely painful, and always remember that you are what he made you, so go forth and prosper with the things he taught you.

I lost my mother when I was a child. It gets easier, but it never, ever gets anything close to easy. The old saying of "time heals all wounds" counts somewhat - grief can only be helped by time in my experience, but will never heal completely. You've lost a very important person in your life who will never be replaced. If you accept that along with your grief, you'll find some kind of peace with it all one day. I didn't accept that fact for a good many years, and it made it all a lot harder.

Talk to people you had in common. Share memories around this time of year. Visit his grave, if he has one. Talk to him if you want - I don't believe in heaven, but I still talk to my mother. She may or may not be able to hear it, but it's still comforting either way.

Remember why your grandfather was so important and loved, and never forget the good memories you have of him. The good memories are the things that last, and the things that give you comfort in the years to come.

And remember that feeling shitty around certain times of year - anniversaries, family occasions, etc - is perfectly normal, even if it does feel awful.

You WILL get to a point where Novembers become somewhat 'normal' for you again, without forgetting your grandfather. It just takes that dreaded time.

Honestly... I'm not sure. For years, I was in denial. I was a child and I couldn't quite take it in that she wasn't coming back. I think the main thing to focus on is the good memories you have. Accept that it's ok to grieve for as long as you want.

I'm afraid I don't have any kind of answer really :-( But you will be making progress - you just won't realise it yet. Do you have any routines to do on the anniversary each year? Visiting his grave, meeting up with family, anything?

I usually go and visit his grave (alone). Followed by a monumental drinking session.

My grandfather liked his scotch, a preference that I picked up on when he passed. Each year I buy a bottle of his favourite scotch, hole up in my room for the night, listen to Frank Sinatra and just remember.

Explaining it out loud it doesn't sound like the healthiest tradition, but it helps me remember him / re-connect. I'm always afraid of forgetting the little details, forgetting his face/voice. I know that in time I will forget some of those details, but whilst I can still hold on to them I want to make sure I do.