I reread the instructions for casting my ballot at least five times before circling in the bare bubble that could potentially be the deciding factor for President Obama’s reelection to office. I was nervous, after all it was only my second time voting ever. Yup, that’s right, the president took my voting virginity back in 2008… Anyway, after the prompt confirming that my vote counted popped on the fancy computer screen, I had not a clue what I had done. Let me explain… After President Obama won the election against Mitt Romney and the elated screams from my neighbors subsided, somewhere around the world a man was preparing for his suicide. I’m sorry (actually I’m not) to tell you all: “It’s not that serious!” Yes, you will have to endure four more years of those darn women’s rights, economic relief for the working class and affordable health benefits for all, but geez is Obama that bad that you must take your life? Oh, I forgot…he’s black.

As the republican party tries to wrap their heads around why America just couldn’t get with Romney’s lopsided politics, people are killing themselves and their families (scratches head). And, in a sheer case of schadenfreude, I have put together a list of the most ridiculous and random reactions to his win.

Take a look:

Denise Helms’ story went viral after she posted her frustrations over the election outcome on Facebook. “And another 4 years of the [n-word] maybe he will get assassinated this term..!!,” she said. Well, she got fired from her job at Cold Stone Creamery after the ordeal and caught the eyes of the secret service, reports Gawker.

An Arizona woman blamed the entire election on her husband then ran him over with her car after he didn’t vote in the election. She was allegedly trying to “scare him” but pressed the accelerator. Well, maybe she should have run over the entire state because President Obama took those electoral votes.

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, a 64-year-old man committed suicide and was found in his home with the words “F**k Obama” scribbled across the wall.

Before President Obama was even reelected, a Virginia man, killed himself and his family just over the thought of Obama being in office for a second term. “He didn’t like where the country was going,” a neighbor told The Daily Mail. Spotted @RawStory

& last but not least:

A Colorado man openly admitted that he wanted to “go down in history as the person who killed President Obama,” reports MercuryNews. Boy bye!