Friday, May 05, 2006

It's a gusher!

Color me confused. Everyone on TV seems to be buying the line that the Goss resignation has been planned for weeks. No natural curiosity about the fact that it takes effect immediately, or that there is no replacement, or that he had a meeting scheduled this afternoon he didn’t show up for. Not to mention the fact that as Professor Foland pointed out in the comments, the White House would’ve probably sacrificed its collective left nut to avoid stepping on a drunk Kennedy story.But has the entire press corps turned into such a pile of humorless prudes that they can’t connect the dots in the Brent Wilkes hooker scandal?

. . . taxpayer-subsidized gay orgy . . . hot middle-aged Congressman-on-lobbyist XXX action . . . fifteen-year-long homosexual coke-n-hookers-n-dogs-n-box turtles Republican party scene which would make a lost weekend on Fire Island look like an early-afternoon meeting of your grandmother’s penny-ante bridge club . . . before anybody jumps to some unseemly and grossly immature conclusion based on William Kristol’s public speculation that Goss’s warp-speed resignation was due to “something that popped this week“, consider this: what if Porter Goss was just doing top-secret research into how to protect Americans if terrorists try attack the homeland with weaponized amyl nitrate? Bet you’d feel pretty stupid then. Let’s wait until all the facts are in before we start in with the Gannon jokes.

Just because rumors have long swirled about Austin gay bar habitué Scott McClellan, and also the dapper Andrew Card, both recently resigned from White House employ, and just because Randy "Duke" Cunningham has admitted to homosexual liaisons, and despite the fact that former White House sleepover guest Jeff Gannon has suddenly begun appearing in public and in fact only this week admitted to his homosexuality, it does not necessarily mean that the hookers in question were male. ...Nor does the fact that Ken Mehlman is in a bit of hot soup at the moment, nor the fact that Condi Rice is a lesbian.It is irresponsible to speculate too boldly in this regard. On the plus side, however, there are supposed to be photographs.