NEW YORK - EAT THE BITCH

According to her will, this PETA woman wants to be cooked up and served as barbecue, made into a leather purse, nailed up in front of some Indian leather fair every year, have her legs made into umbrella stands for sale in India, have her eyeball somehow taxidermized and sent to the EPA, have her index finger sent to the management of Barnum and Baileys, have her liver sent to France and displayed in public, have one ear sent to the Canadian Parliament and the other mounted outside an abattoir in Mumbai, have her thumb mounted and sent to somebody who has hurt animals in the year of her death, and have a portion of her heart buried next to the Hockenheim, Germany horse-racing track--all to protest human treatment of animals. So in order to satisfy your last wishes, your next of kin has to make a career out of hustling the different parts of your body across the globe and convince what, like five different tradesmen to chop you apart and make specialized mounts, and then deal with the property owners of a bunch of companies you've spent your life ragging on ? Real nice. Did you ever think about leaving them a few contacts to get started, or I don't know, look into the legality of any of this? You've basically consigned your former colleagues to spend a fortune hunting down the world's shadiest butchers and taxidermists while your corpse lies a mouldering in their office (probably). I mean, come on, the travel bills alone would be in the tens of thousands.

We'll grant that the first four items are pretty cool and at least reasonably doable (although a little dick toward this country's perennially shat upon native population), but we also can't help but note how close they are to Charles Goucher, Jr's post-mortem instructions as related by the ghost of his father Charles Goucher, Sr as channeled through Alan Bishop of the Sun City Girls.

Comments

shit, this just made me think of that website manbeef.com, which i just discovered no longer exists, but it was a intricately put together hoax site where you could supposedly order cuts of human meat.

she should have used a picture where she doesn't look like a substitute teacher if she really wants people to eat her. look at that face, i can't eat that. a close-up of a fatty thigh on the other hand...

ingrid looks a lot like my friend's mom that while i've certainly considered killing her, wouldn't be able to eat. she has way too much garlic in her diet. or, maybe that's in reality a good thing like flavor injections in a roast beef. wow, there sure are a lot of things to ponder being a human chef.

I would eat this bitch....ALIVE!!!! No, seriously though, this bitch is crazy, and really no one cares what she does with her body after shes dead. I will, however, look out for her obituary and immediately go on a puppy smashing rampage in hopes of getting the ever coveted "Thumb of Ingrid" .

Thank you so much for this post! I'm Virginia from Virginia , and I'm so excited about your Virginia is for book loervs feature! Thank you for spotlighting the gracious and talented Laura Brodie. Virginia is a state brimming with talent, history and a rich and diverse culture. Y'all come!