“But the true feminist deals out of a lesbian consciousness whether or not she ever sleeps with women.”-Audre Lorde

I was accused of being a lesbian. The accusation came from a female family member of mine. She did not confront me she attempted to plant the seed in the psyche of my father. Please understand that I am Haitian and although I am extremely liberal my family is not. Therefore, what she was attempting to do was try to cause major upheaval within my family. I am a very easy target to be labeled a lesbian. I am everything she wants to be. My cousin has been battered and abused her whole entire life and is not accustom to seeing women operate independently of a man be it a father or a husband. She has been subjugated to the male-female paradigm and in essence questions all women who exist outside of that bubble. I am a young woman of a certain age, I do not have a boyfriend or a prospect of one, I am childless, plus I had the unmitigated gull to shave all my hair off (which to many people that is a dyke hairstyle), and of course I am far too independent which is always suspicious. Simply put I fit the lesbian profile! When I was much younger and lacked self assurance that type of accusation would have hurt my feelings and sent me into a tizzy, but thank goodness through loads of reading, expanding of my mind, and being blessed to have deep sister-girl friendships with lesbians that is not me anymore. The word lesbian is not a curse word, insult, or a word that should evoke shame

There are many women who have strong feminist ideals and who would love to align themselves with the political feminist movement, but they hesitate or simply stay away because of the fear of being labeled a lesbian. Women have been trained to lust and campaign vigorously for male attention therefore they cannot risk being labeled less than desirable. Women will avoid the feminist movement and not voice their feminist ideals to ensure that they’re not lumped in with the “others.” In some circles lesbians are treated and thought of as some sub-human female group who lives in clandestine and who only surface above ground to terrorize the good straight christian folk. Men who feel threatened by the feminist movement use the word lesbian to keep would be interested women in their “place.” It cannot be said enough that just because I am pro-woman doesn’t mean I am anti-anything that is male. I can be a strong opinionated, independent, socially conscious woman who appreciates the companionship of a man, nowhere in the straight handbook does it say I must chose whether to be a sexual being or an astute being. Women from my mothers generation and even my cousins generation cannot fathom the possibility that a woman can choose to be alone, be happy, and not be depressed over the lack of male visibility in her bed or life.

Whenever you accuse someone or call them a name the underline thought is that the name that you are calling them is bad, vile, or disgusting. In my opinion I can think of a whole host of other words that fit that category, but lesbian, gay, queer, or the word homosexual are not the words that fit within that scary depraved category. If the only way that I can prove my femininity and that I am a “real” woman is by having long flowing weave, no opinion, and a barrage of men coming in and out of my life constantly then I guess I am doomed. If one adopts that one-sided mentality then what is being said about straight women, that they’re vapid, mindless, and cannot survive outside of the male gaze? That is very problematic and sexist narrative. As a society we need to stop demonizing and mis-labeling one another. Women who have never been introduced to their agency of power that lies within them always seek to label and discredit women who walk in their power. All strong women aren’t lesbians and I for one am honored to have an honorable mention. All women are my sisters whether they’re are straight, gay, militant, or meek.

2 Responses to “
Yes, I am a Feminist Part 2: Lesbianism the not so UGLY word. WORD! ”

Well yes, I agree that some people uses lesbian or gay as an insult, that´s very common when they don´t find the appropriate word for insulting someone, that´s weird but some men like lesbians….. sometimes they are more beautiful than hetero.

it can be so difficult being the outsider. in my case being the “black male outsider” has been tough. most people are confused at how this young, black, visibly masculine male got caught up in all this pro-woman, pro-gay, pro-choice, anti-organized religion “mumbo jumbo”. over the years i have been called everything but a child of GOD; however, i continue to press on. traditional paradigms of gender are so pervasive and “comfortable” to mainstream society that alternative ways of thinking and living seem “unnatural” to most. however, it has been shown that people who possess balanced (liberal LOL) ideas as it relates to gender and sexuality are often the most healthy mentally (asserted by several studies). research is even showing that children reared in gay and lesbian households are actually more mentally stable, more accepting of difference, and even more likely to perform better in educational pursuits.

our hetero-normative ways of thinking are actually carceral in the sense that they often prevent us from engaging in a life full of expression, evolution, and self love. so many people in society are stuck in a mental rut that manifests itself in their physical life as they battle the events of their dysfunctional relationships and living woes. dysfunctional because traditional ways of living really haven’t proven to be effective over the centuries. we really should seek new and revolutionary ways of thinking and living. it could potentially improve quality of life.

letting go of the fear and hatred is a medical/spiritual combination that we all need. the negative connotations behind sexual orientation specific words are disheartening. i often wonder however if jealously is not a major emotion behind why some choose to use such words as weapons. Jealous because they themselves can not find the courage to live free and break down the walls of hetero-normative patriarchal thought. A simple case of misery loves company…….