Scientology vs. Red Bull?

Scientologists have a well-known stance on drugs, especially psychiatric drugs. Likewise, the big-pharma powers that be are bitterly opposed to Scientology, as they know that the problems their marketing machines are saying are solved with a lifetime of zoloft or paxil can actually be handled in just a few hours of Scientology auditing.

But what about the growing trend for the latest energy drink to try to wake you up and augment what would otherwise be a snoozer of a day – another drag-through 8 hours of dead-end job burnout? There’s Red Bull, Monster, ScreamingEnergy, RockStar, PimpJuice, Full Throttle, Kablaam, and a zillion more. All of which trying to get the exhausted individual a pick-me-up.

However, a recent experience of mine has lead me to believe that Red Bull should be just as scared for their lives as big pharma.

Dead Tired

A few weeks ago I was doing the system administrator thing, and was around the clock handling some systems that had to do with a new website going up. It was a blitz to get this particular thing done, and a co-worker of mine and I were around the clock programming and tweaking systems to make them work.

It reached a point, though, where things were kind of bugging up, and I just hit the wall. I got so exhausted and I couldn’t keep my eyes open to save my life. I was typing and I think I must have spent about 45 minutes trying to type a “<BR>” tag in the code I was writing. I turned over to my buddy who was working with me, and he was nearly doing a faceplant into his flatscreen. I asked if he was doing okay, and he said, “Nawww…I’m fine.” Then, he scrolled down a few lines in his code and found about 6 lines of “RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR” where he had snoozed out mid-sentence. After that gave us a good laugh, we both realized we were fully, utterly spent. However, that also didn’t change the fact that there was a system that had to go on-line.

That’s where I sort of twigged on something.

Are you actually “running out of energy”?

Here’s where things don’t add up on this ‘energy boost’ thing. Look at this – when I was sitting there, in front of my keyboard, unable to keep my eyes open, was I actually “out of energy”?

I don’t think so. When I was in high school, I was a first-team All-Star on the soccer team, and one of the league-leading scorers in my senior year despite playing sweeper the whole time. My ball control was awful, but I simply ran my silly ass up and down the field longer and faster than the other guy. Now, I’ve experienced where I’m so totally exhausted, after 4 hours of practice, or after a gruelling double-overtime match, where you sit there issuing commands to the legs to move, and they simply cannot move. It’s not that you aren’t telling them to, it’s just that no matter what, they are physically too spent to do your bidding.

However, when I was sitting there, in front of the computer, passing out, it was not the same thing. I had not now typed a for loop one too many times, and now I was just too muscularly exhausted to hit another key. It was something else – something I was generating from inside that was missing. I tell you – had the coffee, I had the liquid vitamin B, it was not helping.

“One begins to feel after he has been long on a job, has been considerably abused on that job, that to work any more would be quite beyond his endurance. He is tired. The thought of doing certain things makes him tired. He thinks of raising his energy or of being able to force his way along just a little bit further. And if he does so, he is thinking in the wrong channels, since the answer to exhaustion has little, if anything, to do with energy.” — LRH

There is a simple process covered in this book in the chapter entitled, “Exhaustion”, and is also covered in the Scientology Life Improvement course entitled How to Make Work Easier. The procedure is entitled “Take a Walk“, and lovers of complexity (i.e. psychiatrists) would probably laugh at how simple it is. But do the process precisely as laid out in the book, and you’ll all of the sudden find your exhaustion gone. And no need for Red Bull, RockStar, or PimpoMatic or whatever it is.

Needless to say, this was exactly what I did that night, and afterwards came right back to life and finished the project I had been staying late to finish.

No, Scientology has no official stance on ‘energy drinks’, and there is no battle being waged by Scientologists against Taurine productgion or any such thing. But if you’re in a similar position (not like getting tired is common in the workplace these days) you might want to consider the Problems of Work book before investing in a $4.00 can of odd-tasting liquid.

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8 comments on “Scientology vs. Red Bull?”

Well, technically speaking, you can still drink vodka and be a Scientologist, though one definitely can’t be getting Scientology training or audting within 24 hrs of having gone drinking. It’s tough to learn or to confront your own problems in life when you’re sloshed.

In fact, that’s generally why one would get sloshed in the first place — so as to not have to confront the problems of life.

When they first started appearing on shelves and before they were really popular I thought to myself, who’s really stupid enough to drink this stuff?, it just looks gross. Then, shortly after, it became a huge market, it seemed everywhere you looked there was some new energy drink coming out and it became more and more acceptable and mainstream. People who you thought would know better were drinking this stuff. I have a lot of friends who unfortunately just guzzle this stuff down like water. Not only for a quick pick-me-up but because they seem addicted.

It seems you can bottle anything, and with a little marketing (a cool name with cool packaging and cool ads) someone will buy it and drink it. I think a survey should be done to find out how many people know what they’re actually drinking when they drink this stuff. I bet 99% have no idea what’s really in these drinks and unfortunately most of them don’t care either.

I’m going to come out with an Indy film called “Super Size this, M&$$@ F&#K@” where all I’m allowed to drink is energy drinks. Every day I’m going to film myself just drinking energy drinks and I’m going to see what happens to me. Wake up in the morning and drink a Rockstar with my eggs and toast. An hour later after going for my morning, five mile run I’m going to replenish my bodily fluids with a couple of Sharks. After taking a shower and heading to work I’m going to down a Full Throttle while weaving through traffic, truly revealing my newly uninhibited self and fully expressing all that pent up road rage. I might even make a quick stop at my local 76 station just to yell at the local attendant at the $3.90 a gallon gasoline prices and to pick up another 6 pack of Red Bull. I’ll walk in to work with a Bawls in my hand (just to impress my fellow employees) downing it, in mid stride, slam dunking it in the reception receptacle while letting out a loud belch. And that’s just my morning… I wonder how long I would be able to survive like that?

Anyway, you only live once right, so just “go for it!”, consume as many chemicals and drugs as possible, who cares “live hard and die young!” drinking energy drinks.

Anyway, I guess they’re totally safe or they wouldn’t be legal to sell, right…

I haven’t tried the Red Bull et. al because I get so buzzed out on any kind of caffeine that I think it would kill me! But I have had the same kind of experience with the magic of the simple “Take a Walk” routine. It’s brilliant. And it’s ridiculous how simple it is!