The Snail Factory

Gungor the Loyalty Inspector

Violations of the Promise Waiver range in severity from minor to severe. Infractions such as using a Helminth House pen merit only the lightest penalties, such as a reduction in annual bonuses or a demerit on permanent record. More outrageous betrayals however can result in drastic measures:

Carlton "Carl" Carlson, a living spinal column who worked in the communications antenna farm, violated his waiver by feeding his pet snail some food produced by Weichtierfertigung GmbH. This resulted in his immediate firing, in a kiln, from which he sustained third degree burns of the lumbar vertebrae.

Krojb, son of Galt, who transcribed chemical formula for the research molds was caught in possession of a Helminth House rectilinear solid which he claimed was used as a doorstop. Because he was too valuable and knew too much to let go, he was made to suffer a complete removal of the glottis, grundle, and gizzard. Performed by Dr. Moco, the surgery effectively left Krojb without any organs beginning with the letter G. He was from then on kept chained to a radiator, with whom he fell in love in 1932 and married in 1934, only to see her replaced in 1936 with a space heater named Schwa.

Nurgle the Tuning Fork suffered the one of the most extreme punishments administered under Dr. Breign's reign. When he was caught in flagrante delicto with one of Helminth House's bird traps, Gungor was called in personally to select and deliver the punishment. First, Nurgle was shaved from tine to handle. His skin was treated with depilatories and desiccant pads and then further dried for two days under special lamps. Once his skin was utterly without water, Lorias the Lemon Lord of Lusitania began to flagellate Nurgle with his fattest flagellum. Thus beaten, Nurgle was coated in tar which bonded to his skin and covered with feathers and released into a small room in which The Andrews Sisters' "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" played at 225 deibels, rendering Nurgle deaf and thus useless as a tuning fork. Finally the remaining cowering sliver of what was once Nurgle was released into the wild Serengeti where he is believe to roam until this day.

But even this punishment pales in comparison to the most brutal corrective measures employed by Dr. Breign's successor, Leopold Cerebellum II. Though the majority of LCII's cruelest incidents remain unknown except to Leo, Gungor and the victims, the account of his unjustified punishment of a worker named "Efengi" is so infamous as not to warrant repetition here. Said Efengi of the notorious discipline, "I held my composure as long as I could, but when they ran out of string and switched to catgut, that's when I knew my children would never survive."

R.I.P. to Splindy and Borgy, may their skins yet be found and laid to rest.