A Blog About Well-Being

Month: July 2015

How has July been treating you, Lovely Readers? Incredibly well, I hope! It’s been hotter than heck here, so my a/c and blender have both been getting a workout. Thank God for smoothies, am I right?!

I have some lovely little gems to share with you as we wind down this month. Go ahead and mix up a smoothie for yourself and chill with me for a few. There’s something fun for you in this post, I’m sure of it.

I love, love, love Danielle LaPorte. I am a big fan of her book The Desire Map and use her daily planner every day. This experiment she posted on her blog is a wonderful example of the reasons why I think she’s so fab. I loved it so much, I featured it in the July issue of Tejomaya Wellness Magazine. It’s all about self-talk and how we need to be nicer to ourselves. and everyone we come in contact with. I am so thankful I came across this post. It’s really reminded me to be conscious of what I allow myself to speak over myself and others.

I’m a gal who digs a good D.I.Y., and this one that teaches you how to make your own wind chimes is so, so good. This one will only run you around $20 for your supplies. Heck, at that price you could make one for yourself and one to give as a gift to any new homeowners in your life! I’m always grateful for craft projects. As soon as I borrow a Dremel, I’m going to make one to hang from my balcony.

I meditate every morning, but sometimes life happens and I oversleep, or my hair just won’t cooperate, and I don’t have quite as much time as I’d like to get my calm on. When this happens, I have a great go-to that’s beautiful, centering and always does the trick. I’m always so grateful I have this one in my back pocket. Now I want to make sure you have it in your arsenal, too. Give it a try next time you want to get your day started off on the right foot:

I could eat these Veggie Spring Rolls until I explode. These are absolutely perfect for summer dinner parties, light lunch, or if you’re like me, all three meals a day. I’m thinking about making up another batch as soon as I wrap this post up. Wrap it up! Get it?! Okay, I’ll quit now, but seriously. I’m thankful that something that’s this delicious is so easy to make.

I got this masque from Befine in my Ipsy Glam Bag for June, and I just got around to trying it. The ingredients are actually pretty dang clean, and it smells like fresh cucumbers, My skin is so soft and smooth after I use it. I just love it. I get to be thankful every month that I spent the $10 on myself to have a little something luxurious that reminds me that self-care is ultimately better for everyone. A burned out me is not able to help as many people as a well-rested, happy me. The same is true for you, so indulge in a little pampering this week. Jennifer’s orders!

I want to hear from you! What have you loved this month? Any big news I can help you celebrate? What are you so grateful for that you just have to tell someone? Share in the comments below! It’d be so cool of you. 😉

Let’s talk about criticism, Darling Hearts. Unfortunately, if you’ve doing anything worth doing in life, you’re likely to come up against it. Now that a good portion of the planet has internet access, it’s even easier to leave comments, create social media posts, or write articles critiquing another person’s work. Sometimes it’s helpful. Sometimes it’s hurtful. Most of the time, though it’s equal parts both. So how do you take the good with the bad and keep your tender heart in tact? Use the T.H.I.N.K. method!

Now, traditionally the T.H.I.N.K. method is a tool for examining the things that we say so we don’t do damage to others. It requires us to literally think before we speak by asking ourselves a series of questions. (Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it inspiring? Is it necessary? Is it kind?), then deciding if the thing in question still needs to be said and if there’s room to improve the message if it does. It’s gold and we all need to be doing this, but if you have a hard time taking criticism, it’s also an invaluable tool for softening the edges, while still learning and growing as the fabulous you that you are. You just have to turn the tables a bit. Not sure how? I got ya! Keep reading.

Is it true? The first thing that’s helpful in dealing with criticism is the ability to be honest with yourself or at least have a good friend who tells it to you straight. Is the criticism you’re being handed entirely ridiculous or is it, on some level, at least a little bit accurate? You may have to strip away the tone and hurtful word choices to find the truth in their message, but it’s been my experience that if it stings, it’s because there’s a part of it that’s legit. Find it, if it exists, then go from there.

Is it helpful? Is this person actually passing something along that would be helpful to you if it had been packaged differently? If you removed the hurtful portion of their delivery is there nothing left or is there actually a thought-out plan for success. Also ask yourself if they want what’s best for you or do they want what’s best for them? Go ahead! Question their motives. If there’s still substance there, they might actually care about you.

Is it inspiring? Are you hearing an uncomfortable truth because the person saying it is trying to inspire you to be better or to take action? Was it just insulting or was there a little misguided pep talk in there. Don’t toss the whole thing out if the ultimate message is to improve your skill or to follow a dream. Others will rarely see the visions you are given. Do learn all you can! Do take that risk if your heart is all in it!

Is it necessary? Some people just talk when they really shouldn’t, but sometimes there’s still a message in there for you. If they’re just being abusive and mean then go ahead and walk away, but if they’re offering feedback on your work, try and be gracious and hear them out. There could be a compliment amidst the nitpicking or, if you’re like me, it could inspire your next blog post. You never know where your next gem will come from, so remain open to the process through which life sends it to you.

Is it kind? I’ve never been a fan of the saying “you’ve gotta be cruel to be kind”. I’m more of a Dalai Lama gal when it comes to being nice. He teaches us “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” That said, sometimes telling someone the truth when asked for an opinion can unintentionally come across as cruel when the intended has really put their all into a project or piece. If the words you’re hearing are indeed kind, but you just don’t like them, there’s still merit in listening to what this person has to say. This is an individual who cares enough about you not to lie and let you get hurt or embarrass yourself. Don’t cast them aside. You don’t have to take the advice if your gut speaks louder, but don’t discredit their love.

Your work isn’t for everyone. It just isn’t, and that’s okay. That’s why successful entrepreneurs tell you to imagine your ideal client, reader or customer and create for them. You will drive yourself crazy if you try to please everyone. There’s wonderful freedom in being able to say “That’s cool. I’m just not for you”, and sending them respectfully on their merry way. Your work is for someone, though, or the idea for it never would have been entrusted to your marvelous heart and mind. Keep going and remember how much your words may mean to someone else! We’re all in this together!

If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve had your feelings hurt. I wish I could tell you that you’re done and you’ll never have to face another grumpy person again in your lifetime, but unless you live in solitude, there’s a good chance it will happen again. It sucks, I know. I’m really sorry, and I wish I could wave a magic wand over people and make them behave. Since I can’t, I thought I’d do the next best thing and try and arm you with a technique that I learned after leaving the customer service world after years of stress, yelling and crappy attitudes.

It’s not uncommon for children to respond to circumstances that don’t suit them by responding with name-calling, fit-throwing, or storming off and a good parent is going to intervene with consequences for those actions. What do you do when a grown human is the one throwing the tantrum, though? As much as we might like to send them to time out to think about what they’ve done, the sad truth is that hurt people, hurt people. Does that mean that grown adults shouldn’t be held responsible for their own actions? A loud and resounding hell no! If you’re doing that, knock it off or I’m telling your mama! If you’re the target of someone’s pain or anger though, it’s rarely ever about you, Darling Heart. It’s something crummy that other person is carrying and frankly, they’re just not good at dealing with it in a way that’s constructive.

So what do you do? Shake your head and shake it off. Wish their soul well, and send them on their way, right? But what if they were REALLY mean? It’s not always easy to leave it at that though, is it? Especially if your heart is extra tender. I’m right there with you. I used to carry the sting of lash-outs long after it was good for me to do so. That is, until I learned to devote daily time during my meditation to forgiveness.

If you’ve been meditating long you’ve probably heard guided sessions ended with these words: “May you be well. May you be happy. May you live with ease.” Typically your guru is inviting you to offer those precious words of kindness to yourself, but when you let yourself have several minutes to imagine the face of someone who has hurt you and you repeat those words as you imagine sending love to them, it not only does something kind for them, but it heals your heart as well. Some situations may require multiple sessions, so don’t give up if you don’t feel better right away.
Does any of this mean you have to go shoe shopping or skip through the park holding hands with your nemesis? Nope. It’s probably best not to have this person in your life at all, until they can address what’s at the root of their behavior and they’re ready to do some soul work to fix it. It will make it easier for you to go on with your life, though. Holding on to that pain only causes you more of it. Don’t hold on to what wasn’t yours to begin with!

Let’s talk about competition. Good old supply and demand is the backbone of economics and the market economy would be dead without it. The corporate world wants you to bite, kick and claw your way to the top. It wants you to step on others for promotions and knock each other over for sales. Even if the competition is friendly, it still requires you to beat someone in order to win. Ever notice how violent the words associated with competition are? No wonder it fills us with anxiety! We’re just trying not to get hurt!

Here’s the thing about competition, though. It’s suuuuuuch a limiting belief! Participating in competition says in no uncertain terms that you believe there isn’t enough for everyone. It says opportunity only knocks once and if you miss your big break, well then, tough luck. It makes fear bigger than faith. It’s okay if you’re not with me, yet. Read on, though. This’ll make sense soon.

The concept is a little easier to swallow when the thing in question isn’t considered finite. Your firm might only be making two associates partner this year. There might only be one sales bonus for your entire team. The school you want to attend might only be handing out a handful of scholarships. In fact, you’re probably reading this and shaking your head thinking that sometimes if you really want something, you have no choice but to compete. To that I’d say you’re right, if that’s how you choose to look at it.

When you’re using the law of attraction to get yourself to a goal, one of the first things you learn is to focus on the end result and feel yourself having the thing that you desire. Getting bogged down with the wheres, the whys and the whats only gets in the way of what God and/or the Universe is trying to give you. Competing to get it assumes that this is your only shot, when your Source says there’s enough for everyone who asks.

So what happens if you’re manifesting your little tushy off and your promotion goes to the other guy or your dream school denies your application and you’re left with nothing? As disappointing as it is, keep in mind that your Creator (Higher Self, etc.) knows something that you don’t. Though that job you want pays more and has better benefits, not landing it could ultimately spur you to get that certification and branch out on your own where you can set your own hours and pay, creating a reality that’s better than the one you were hoping for. Working for a year and delaying school while you put back tuition could lead you down a path of discovery that opens your eyes to your true calling and heart’s desire. Looking back on things you’ve already brought into your life, you know it’s rare that someone’s steps to their version of success are ordered exactly the way they plan. The journey isn’t over. It’s simply taking the scenic route.

One last thing I’d like to leave you with was a brilliant saying I found printed on a Jones Soda bottle years ago: “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” Not winning a competition is not the end for you. In most cases it’s the beginning of something much, much better. Don’t give up, my Dearest. Your best truly is yet to come. And you don’t have to step on anybody to get there.

Wishing You Total Well-Being,

Jennifer

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