James Franco: Your mama's pussy was the canvas. Your dad's dick was the paintbrush. Boom. You're the art.

Jay Baruchel: Thank you, James Franco.

Seth Rogen: Just answer me one question: Is Michael Cera's butthole as adorable as I pictured?

Jay Baruchel: Oh for fucks sake...

Seth Rogen: I picture it looking like a little donut. A little pink sprinkled donut.

Jonah Hill: [after the group inventories the remaining food] Can I have that Milky Way?

James Franco: You can't have the Milky Way. It's my special food, I like it.

Seth Rogen: I want some of the Milky Way!

Craig Robinson: I'd be pretty bummed if I don't get at least a bite of the Milky Way.

Emma Watson: [Holding an axe] Back the fuck up!

James Franco: I'm not gonna shoot Emma Watson!

Emma Watson: Give me everything you have to drink!

Seth Rogen: There are six of us! You cannot rob us!

Emma Watson: [waving an axe] I'm NOT fucking around!

[Emma leaves]

Danny McBride: Hermione just stole all of our shit. And Jay suggested that we rape her. I think the only reason he did that is because he knows he's about two minutes away from becoming the house bitch himself.

Jay Baruchel: Guys, listen listen. I think we need to address the elephant in the room

Seth Rogen: Whoa, Jay, don't talk about Craig like that.

Craig Robinson: That's fucked up. I'm right here man.

Jay Baruchel: I'm not calling Craig an elephant.

James Franco: That's racist.

James Franco: Who did this?

Seth Rogen: Did what? What are you talking about?

James Franco: Jizzed all over the pages of this nice magazine I was nice enough to tell you about.

Danny McBride: [Raises hand] It was me, Franco. I fuckin' made jizz in your magazine.

James Franco: Why?

Danny McBride: When I fuckin' jack off long enough, I end up jizzin', dude. I'm assuming, the same shit works for you?

Danny McBride: I have a particularly explosive ejaculating that just goes everywhere. It's like a fuckin' wild fireman's hose - you just got to grab on and pray to God it doesn't get into your eyes or your mouth.

James Franco: The fuck kind of jerking off is that? What, you never had any brothers? You never learned to jizz in a fuckin' sock or on a fuckin' tissue?

Danny McBride: You think that's the only thing I jerk off on in here? I've been dropping off loads around this fuckin' house like a goddamn dump truck.