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Dennis Kucinich, Man of the People

Congressman Dennis Kucinich briefly stepped away from his mashed-potato sculpture of Devil's Tower to publicly denounce Bush as "mentally ill" for suggesting that a nuclear-armed Iran could spark World War III. We've known for years that Bush is stupid, but now there's little doubt that he's also one hooker short of a Kennedy Family Reunion.

Certainly no one wants Iran to obtain nuclear weapons. But there's absolutely no reason to believe that even if it did, our two countries couldn't still live together in peace and harmony under Sharia Law. Bush may be too much of a fruitloop to dream such an impossible dream, but I bet Kucinich could make it happen. It's called diplomacy, folks - the same kind of diplomacy he used to free the green-skinned slave women of Orion and end the Argon Wars. It's all right there in Mork's report to Orson if you don't believe me.

Dennis Kucinich. Brilliant, brave, ready and willing to push aside his invisible friends and save this nation from the madness of King George.

"Certainly no one wants Iran to obtain nuclear weapons. But there's absolutely no reason to believe that even if it did, our two countries couldn't still live together in peace and harmony under Sharia Law."

I don't know if I can vote for Congressman Kucinich. If he prays to Mecca five times a day, and also prays to Alpha Centauri five times a day, how much time will he have left in the day to mold the country into the image of Cleveland, or to appoint Hugo Chavez to head the FCC, or to retroactively impeach Bush?

I saw a UFO. Let me repeat that. I saw a UFO. I'm not fucking with you.

I'm just as sensible as the next guy, and I'm married to a young chick that's taller than me.

Where was I going with this? Um, um, um, shit.

I'm going back to bed. After I take a dump. You'd think that now that I'm married, my parents would have a bathroom built in the basement, but no. They can't afford to thanks to Bush's tax cuts for the rich.

We've all seen UFO's. If you are sighted, you have undoubtedly seen an object, that was flying, that you couldn't identify. Perhaps it was too far off or visibility wasn't that good or you had just self-medicated. That's part of life.

Dennis Kucinich is the only one of the presidential contenders to have actually seen a flying saucer, no doubt filled with benevolant alien creatures here to give a message of hope to the one among us pure enough to hear it. And also to caution us to stop destroying our own planet with our wasteful ways, and to advise us to stop killing each other over our scant natural resources, and also to warn us about the Jews.

I have seen many UFOs in my bongwater. Scrying is something I don't normally do, but when the ganja kicks in, I can see the past, present and future as well as some really gnarly people. Not to mention a few galaxies who sing to me.

I saw a four foot tall hairy little critter with one big gigantor of a nose walking upright the other day. I am not shitting you people. Damn near blew my mind. I hadn't even had my morning glaucoma meds yet!

But - back on topic - you could read Chimpymchallibushitler's remark as a madman's threat rather than a madman's prediction -- as a warning to recalcitrant states, from Germany to the Motherland of the glorious USSR, that don't seem to share his crazed obsession with Iran. The message: Fall into line with administration policy toward Iran or you can count on the U.S.A. to kick you in the balls and start World War III on its own. And when it comes to sparking global conflagration, the U.S. knows what the fuck it's doing and attack on Iran might be just the thing. Yee haw! I am like, so there and everything.

So my fellow travelers, forget impeachment, we should all put it behind us. Straightjacket Bush and Darth Cheney should NOT be treated like criminals who deserve punishment; they should be treated like psychotics who need treatment.

Why you ask?

Because they've clearly gone mad. Exhibit A: We're in the middle of a disastrous war in Iraq, the military and political situation in Afghanistan is steadily worsening, and the administration's interrogation and detention tactics have inflamed anti-Americanism and fueled extremist movements around the globe.

Then there's Hitler (the one that's dead), whose struggle against the Jooos was unfortunately cut off before achieving final solution, was limited by not having the efficient technology available today. That four foot tall hairy little critter does not intend to make that same mistake. Just ask my new butt-buddy kickedinthebrain. He will back me up 110%. Laws yes.

Well well, I guess we know who Larry is voting for this next year! He has mentioned Dennis (the Menace) Kucinich in two post these last two weeks and even went to one of his rallies. Funny I thought you were a Hillary girl/man? If you think about it he does look like what the menace would have grown up to be. No slight on those fond memories we have of the cartoon of our youth.

Did Dennis really see a UFO? I think I saw a UFO and thought it was a shooting star.

@Fist of EtiquetteIf he prays to Mecca five times a day, and also prays to Alpha Centauri five times a day
I think instead of Alpha Centauri he would pray to Hale Bob Comet because he missed his chance to drink some cool aid and join those that did.