Archive for January, 2010

I’ve come across an interesting site called Shrink4Men and have been reading thru some of the posts there. I came across this post titled “8 Red Flag Dating Phrases that Should Send You Running” Some good info there and some of it should be patently obvious. Like the woman who refers to herself as a princess, or as a drama queen. Those shouldn’t even need to be said but I recognized some things in my PEW

6. “All of my ex-boyfriends/ex-husband(s) are jerks.” Wow, yeah. It wasn’t quite that they were all jerks, but that nothing was her fault. Now it is me that is the supreme evil one. I am now the source of all of her problems, even things that happened before we met and certainly everything that is wrong in her life now.

7. “I don’t speak to my father.” I would add to this one the relationship with mother as well. PEW definitely did not have a good relationship there. Not the worst by far, but some serious issues. Also, Shrink4Men brings up how the mother treats the father. I think that is a good thing to look at because there were some signs there as well that I tried to work with her to correct but damage was already done and at any rate was too late for me.

8. “I like it when the man makes the plans.” S4M notes on this one “For instance, she expects you to make all the plans and you inevitably choose something she doesn’t like. She then gets to tell you what a disappointment you are and you “never” do anything she likes.” Oh how I HATED this one. It was especially bad after marriage. She wouldn’t choose ANYTHING. Didn’t care what we did, didn’t care where we went to eat. Didn’t care if we stayed in or went out. But of course I was expected to know what it was she wanted despite her steadfast refusal to even voice a preference. So of course I could not do right because I hadn’t an inkling of what was wanted. Talk about a breakdown in communication! I don’t think this one is too obvious, but if S4m is right. If she is one that wants the man to make all the plans, that should certainly be a big warning sign that needs to at least be looked at.

I have a friend who had asked/complained to me about how it was okay, even good, for a guy to have sex and yet for women its a bad thing. I had tried to explain the difference as well as the fact that I am not one to approve of male “sluts” any more than the female kind. But I was never able to articulate a very good answer.

Well the much more eloquent Ferdinand Bardamu came to my rescue in his article up at the Spearhead. He writes:

The sexual double standard arises from the reality that getting sex is easy for women but hard for men. The reason studs are respected and sluts are derided is because being a stud requires skill, talent, and practice, while being a slut merely requires a pulse and a lack of impulse control. The unsung flip side of the double standard, however, is that female virgins are cherished whereas male virgins are ridiculed. A man who can’t get laid signals to the world that he is a loser, while a woman who resists spreading her legs for every scumbag who winks at her shows herself to be a sober, selective person. Because a female’s primary goal is getting the highest-quality man available to commit to her, women who cannot or will not stay in a relationship are poor sources of information on men. The male virgin and the female slut are mirror images of each other in terms of attractiveness to and knowledge of the opposite sex.

This is the best summary I have ever seen on the issue and was quite happy to hear that above-mentioned friend found the article quite enlightening.

Prof Hale put up his New Years Resolution already, which is to continue in his usual awesomeness. So I thought I would put up my own post with my resolution:

My 30 year mission, to explore strange new ideas, to seek out new things to do and new places to do them, to boldly go where this man has never gone before.

Not sure why I had to do that, I just did. Thanks for indulging me. My “resolution” is to continue making “my next thirty years” better than my first 30. My first 30 kinda sucked so its been rather easy to be successful at the next 30. Just 27 more years to go to see if I can make it happen.