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Modern Family is off to a pretty hot start this season between its opening two episodes. Then the third episode cools off a bit. “The Cold” is a Jekyll and Hyde of an episode. The first half was phenomenal, while the second half is a bit of an unfocused mess.

Phil is editing Mitch and Cam’s wedding video, which displays incriminating evidence that he is responsible for passing around a cold throughout the family. Claire is currently battling the cold and must attend a business meeting while getting progressively worse. Jay and Gloria hold a grudge with Cam for benching Manny in his football game.

If you are trying to avoid spoilers, freeze!

“The Cold” is split in a bunch of different directions. Sometimes (often more than not) too many storylines can cause a loss of focus. Sadly, that is the case when it comes to this episode. The storylines tend to compete for air time.

Speaking of competition, Mitch is incredibly proud of Lily. He explains that she always seems to be ahead of her friends … except Sydney. This little girl is so impressive that her presence makes Lily digress. Mitch’s sour reaction to this is hysterical, and I can’t help but wonder how many parents actually have the same reactions. He does not handle Lily’s spotlight fading particularly well as he calls Sydney a know-it-all while ruining a picture she made. On top of that, Mitch gets her hair caught in his watch while attempting to calm her down.

Now, on to my least favorite storyline of the season. Haley and Andy have several awkward scenes. These two have no chemistry—at least, not in this episode. Andy shrugs Haley off as she tries to make Andy want her. He suggests that if they had made the decision to hook up previously, it would have left Haley devastated. She attempts a desperate kiss to prove the opposite and he appears unaffected, to her dismay.

Manny, Jay, Gloria, and Cam come together this week through Manny’s football game. Gloria and Jay are excited to watch Manny, since he is the kicker. However, Manny is NOT a skilled or confident player. At one point in the episode, Jay proclaims that the only thing coordinated about Manny is his outfits. Manny is extra-nervous about playing in the game, which Gloria blames on Jay’s competitive nature and believes is evidenced by how he raised Mitch and Claire.

Cam benches Manny in favor of another student. His decision doesn’t come lightly, as he fears Jay and Gloria. This proves to be a justified feeling because he is ousted from the rest of the family, at a dinner they have at Jay and Gloria’s later that night to view Cam’s wedding video. Gloria makes him sit at a separate table as Cam motions that he is being benched. All of this comes to a head, though, as Manny confesses that Gloria is the core of his nerves.

Jay’s competitive ways may not be the cause of Manny’s theoretical collapse, but they are responsible for Claire’s literal collapse. Claire is incredibly sick. She is the latest victim of the cold that has been plaguing the family since Mitch and Cam’s wedding. Everyone in the family complains about it in the beginning of the episode. All of them provide details on different side effects, and Claire suffers them all.

Claire has a meeting scheduled with a work client. She does not want to let her dad down, and chooses to go through with it, against Mitch’s advice to be honest with Jay. She arrives at the hotel where her rendezvous is scheduled, only to be hit with the worst cold effect: vertigo. Claire relies on a luggage cart to make it to the other end of the lobby and greets the client. Then she collapses. She eventually makes it to her dad’s house for dinner later on. Then she collapses—again.

The most promising story of “The Cold” involves Phil and Luke. Phil is the originator of the cold that causes so much pain and discomfort to the family. This is displayed clearly in the wedding video he is editing for Mitch and Cam. This same video is supposed to debut within hours, in front of the family at dinnertime.

Phil, with the help of his witless wonder son, elects to edit over the instances that he displays cold symptoms. He and Luke record different emotions via green screen, which is then strategically placed inside the video. Those placements are way off-base, as Phil accidentally plays Luke laughing in the middle of Jay’s wedding speech while he was talking about his deceased father. In another mishap, Phil edits himself sitting at a table listening attentively as the actual Phil walks by in the background.

The video is a mess and is not ready to be viewed; Phil makes several attempts to leave the family dinner before it is played. Fortunately for Phil, the video begins, and everyone complains about their own appearances in the video. Phil jumps on this and promises to edit out the ugly parts. Everyone complies.

I have a love-hate relationship with this episode. I loved the first half of the episode and the potential it showed to be a classic. I hate that all of the buildup to the family dinner fizzled quickly once everyone got together. Usually the family gatherings shine, but this one in particular did not. Haley and Andy’s scenes are unnecessary and truly hurt this episode. I am giving the episode three cases of vertigo out of five.

Favorite Quotes

“Appreciate the back rub. Not sure I loved being called ‘Miss Thing.’” —Luke

“It’s time to stop whining like a little girl and man up! Let’s put on our unitards! —Phil

How do you feel after experiencing “The Cold”? Let us know in the comments!

Expression Of JoyThe Brady Bunch: Groovy! The Bradys: Ritual hugging Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.” Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you? The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…” The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been) Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!” Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?” The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical ProblemThe Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen. The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed. Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents. Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer. The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical SolutionThe Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens. The Bradys: Bobby gets married. Married…With Children: They hate him. Thirtysomething: If only we knew… The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

Attitude Toward SexThe Brady Bunch: Never heard of it The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it! Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No. Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident. The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses FightThe Brady Bunch: They don’t. The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens Married…With Children: Tooth and nail Thirtysomething: They stop talking The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into TroubleThe Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette. The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair. Married…With Children: By committing felonies Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket. The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.” The Bradys ”Next time, ask.” Married…With Children: By the authorities Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face. The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For FunThe Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon The Bradys: Has flashbacks Married…With Children: Exchanges insults Thirtysomething: Talks The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved MysteriesThe Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die? The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use? Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other? The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst BehaviorThe Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

Best Reason To WatchThe Brady Bunch: This is what life should be. The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now! Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it. Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life. The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To WatchThe Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses. The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now. Married…With Children: She has a point. Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real. The Flintstones: The Simpsons