Tag: cuckold

People who are not in the lifestyle, equate swinging with infidelity. Obviously, for people who swing, this is absolutely untrue. According to dictionary.com. infidelity means:

1. maritaldisloyalty

2. unfaithfulness

Considering those two meanings, swingers are not being disloyal or unfaithful to their spouses. Perhaps we should think of swingers as writng their own rules in their own marriages. They have decided together, as a couple, to open their marriage to something more. Whether or not religious figures would agree that this is not adultery or infidelity is another topic altogether.

It is not uncommon to hear people who are not in the lifestyle to question why couples swing. Besides that they imagine swingers to be perverted deviants, their perception of swingers is really off. They have a hard time understanding why people would be open to having sex with someone other than their spouse. More than that, they cannot fathom why swingers do not get upset with the fact that their significant others are doing this.

Let’s consider this: if a department store invited you to visit anytime, and take what you needed for free, would you ever feel the need to steal something from them? Silly question right? How can you steal something if they are giving it to you for free? Let’s say you are in school and need help on an exam and the teacher tells you anytime you don’t know an answer to just ask her and she will tell you. Would you need to copy off someone’s paper? What would be the point? The teacher has already offered the free help, right? It is the same in the lifestyle. Your partner offers to let you swing with other people, why would you need to do this behind their back? That is not to say that it never happens because it probably does, but what it is the point?

It is very common when you speak with swingers to hear how surprised they were when they first entered the lifestyle to discover how in love swingers seemed to be. It was exactly the opposite of what they had imagined. If couples were so in love, what drove them into the lifestyle? The best answer is probably honesty.

The relationship between a couple who chooses to swing has to be very open and honest. In order to swing, they had to get to the point where they could admit that although they love each other, they would like to try something else. It is normal for couples to fall into a routine or rut with their sex life. Some couples try to spice things up by watching porn, using toys, trying different positions or even going to strip clubs. What happens when that is not enough?

For couples not in the lifestyle, unfortunately, they might look to someone else to fill that void. Infidelity is exceptionally selfish. One person in the couple chooses to find excitement that is lost with their partner while the other partner makes do with the lack of fulfillment. Sometimes both parts of the couple choose to be unfaithful to each other while maintaining the facade of a wonderful marriage. How long can that last?

When you consider the avenue swingers take, it seems more logical and loving. Swinging is something couples do together. They venture into the lifestyle as a couple not to find someone to replace their partner, but to find couples to spice up their sex life. The excitement is something they experience together. The only sneaking around these couples might be engaging in, is from their family and friends. Swinging creates a very strong bond; you are naughty together.

When you consider the freedom that swinging brings to both members of the couple, who would feel the need to cheat? Sure, there are always exceptions, but that shows a true character fault. Generally speaking, swingers would agree that they have no reason to cheat. Swinging helps them to avoid infedelity.

Many couples who have been in the lifestyle for many years reach different levels of comfort with separating while swinging. Some couples have no problem allowing their significant other to play on their own while traveling or with friends they have met in the lifestyle. They talk about how much pleasure they get just from hearing about the escapades of their partners. The only request they make of each other is to tell them about what they do when they play on their own. Some couples never separate and continue their swinging journey side by side. Either way, the degree of trust and freedom is immeasurable compared with those not in the lifestyle.

Everyone is different and perhaps there are couples who never feel the desire to play outside their marriage. It seems that number would be very low when you consider how rampant infidelity is.

My question to those not in the lifestyle is this: why not try to explore together what both of you are secretly wishing for? It is impossible to believe that every married adult at some point has not fantasized about having sex with someone else. A neighbor, a teacher, a coworker, someone famous or your spouse’s best friend. The best part about swinging is that these are no longer secrets or fantasies! You and your partner not only talk about what your sexual fantasies are, you experience them together. What could be more honest and intimate than that? That is what creates such a strong bond between swingers. When you have everything you need at home, why would you need to go elsewhere?

Is a poor body image keeping you from feeling confident in the lifestyle? Do you worry that having a less than perfect figure will make it hard to find couples who want to swing with you?

The lifestyle poses many challenges to both men and women. It can be very difficult for someone if they are shy, insecure or become jealous easily. It is even worse if someone has a poor self-image. Having a positive self-image, especially regarding your body, is crucial if you are planning to swing. Body image is defined as how you see yourself when you look in the mirror or how you picture yourself in your mind. Sometimes these perceptions are accurate, but sometimes they are completely distorted. This image will affect how you carry yourself and how you interact with others. Developing a positive body image and a healthy mental attitude is crucial to a person’s happiness and wellness. It also plays a key role in success in the lifestyle.

Swing clubs, parties, and hotel takeovers are filled with scantily clad women wearing fishnet dresses, sexy lingerie, and exotic mini skirts and dresses. All of which show a lot of skin. Many of these women are over the age of 40 and have bodies which indicate as much. There are women who have beautiful, tight, fit bodies but they are not in the majority. They are also not always the hottest or the most secure. It seems that self-image plays a much larger role in what makes a woman desirable to both men and other women. A beautiful, fit woman with poor body image (yes, there are many) seems to be less attractive to others than the overweight woman who is comfortable in her own skin. The lifestyle is not about the most attractive person or people, and it is important to remember that everyone is attracted to something different. A person who is friendly and warm and seems genuinely interested in what you have to say will be much more attractive to you than someone who is the opposite; regardless of their physical appearance.

Men suffer from the same problem but regarding different aspects of their bodies. Women tend to be focused on their weight, their breasts and any areas of their bodies they see as imperfect; cellulite on their thighs, a butt that is too large or too small, scars from past surgeries or c sections, etc. Men tend to be more concerned with their height, their weight, their muscle mass and obviously the size of their penis, as compared with other men. Interestingly enough, if you were to ask ten men to point out which woman they find most attractive, chances are you would get 6-7 different responses. For women, it would probably be about the same. Luckily, everyone is attracted to something different. Imagine if everyone was attracted to the same person!

The lifestyle is supposed to be fun. When people are too hung up about their bodies and their imperfections it can be a real downer. Try to remember that swinging is for a short time and if you don’t take advantage of the moment, you will miss it. Chances are if someone has chosen to swing with you, it is because they think it will be enjoyable. If you cannot relax and savor the moment, you are not only wasting your night but the night of the person who is trying to have fun with you. I sincerely doubt that while your partner for the evening is playing with you he is thinking about your thighs. If, however, you are showing your insecurities regarding your thighs, he probably will look at them to decide if you are right. When a woman is with a man who is less endowed than most, she will only care if it keeps him from being able to enjoy himself. If he steps up and shows her he is confident with himself, she knows it will be a fun night regardless of his size.

Putting your insecurities aside for an evening will be in your best interest. If you step into the play area with nothing but a smile, people will admire your confidence and appreciate that about you. If you are open to people, they will look to join you, it’s that simple. Big thighs, sagging boobs, cellulite and all, if you show people that you are ok with yourself, they will be ok with you.

Swing clubs, parties, and takeovers can be fun and exciting. People come out to party and have a good time. When you meet people, if they seem friendly and self-confident you are drawn to them. If, on the other hand, you meet people who are shy and withdrawn, chances are you will move on to another couple. It really is ok if you don’t think you are perfect because guess what? Pretty much everyone else has the same insecurities that you have, the only difference is that they refuse to let it ruin their night!

Remember to check out our lifestyle jewelry! New items are offered frequently and we are happy to take custom orders.

My husband and I have been swinging for the past 25 years.When we first got into swinging, it was underground.It was illegal and nobody spoke about it.

Before we really even knew about swinging, our neighbors and we used to splash around naked in our hot tub.Eventually, this moved onto skinny dipping and having sex side by side.We never touched our neighbors and they never touched us.The evenings spent with our neighbors left us giddy and excited.

It wasn’t until a few years later that someone told us about a “warm club.”Having never heard of such a thing we became curious and asked if they would take us there.

Soon after they phoned us and asked us to go with them that Saturday night.We agreed.We were both excited and nervous about going there.Long story short, we loved it, and have been swinging ever since.

The reason for my email is to talk about your jewelry.Back when we were younger and swinging was very hush-hush, the only place to think about meeting other swingers was at this club.That is not to say that our eyes didn’t wander when we were out at restaurants and bars!We often wondered about the people we met.

One summer, we took a trip to Boston to attend my niece’s wedding.We arrived a few days before the wedding to explore the city.One evening we went out for dinner, then stopped at a bar before heading back to our hotel.There was a couple about the same age as us sitting next to us at the bar.

We struck up a conversation and spent the next two hours laughing and enjoying their company.We were absolutely certain they were swingers. The man put his hand on my leg when he told a story and the woman at one point pushed the hair out of my eyes.

As they were paying their bar tab, my husband and I whispered to each other that we were certain about them.We had a lot of experience in the lifestyle at this point, and we knew swingers when we met them.

As they turned to wave goodnight to us, my husband asked if they would like to come back to the hotel with us.The look of confusion on their faces immediately made me know that we had been wrong.My husband was slightly drunk and added that we had two queen size beds, plenty of room for everyone!The couple looked shocked, grabs their coats and left.

How I wish this was the end of my story…

We saw them again during our stay in Boston.It was the groom’s aunt and uncle.We ended up at the same wedding two nights later.It was a rather small group so it was impossible to avoid them.We were so embarrassed that we didn’t know how to handle it!When we found ourselves face to face with them, they looked away and pretended not to know us.

It was a truly awful experience.

The need for some type of swinger symbol is not new and we are thrilled that someone took the bull by the horns and created one!

Today, it is easy to simply look to see if someone is wearing this sign.If we spot it, we go and talk to them.If not, we will never, ever take that chance again.

A coworker recently asked what I had done over the weekend.Without thinking I said, “A gang bang and 2 very sexy women.”When I realized what I had said and I saw the look on my coworkers face, I went into panic mode.Thankfully, that’s when I woke up from this nightmare!

Imagine if swingers could actually be honest with people about how we spend our time.So often people comment on how I stay in good shape or the fact that my hair or nails are always impeccable.Well, yea, I’m a swinger!I spend every weekend at a swing club and many weekends at a nude beach.It is important for me to look good!

Maybe people who are in the swinger lifestyle are more in tune with their bodies because we don’t keep them covered very often.Wearing sexy clothing and shoes are one of the fun aspects of going out to swing clubs.Although on occasion you will spot a woman in jeans and flip flops, it is very rare.Most swingers dress to impress.

Swinging is a lot like dating.The goal is to find others with whom to play.Obviously, like when you are dating, you want to put your best foot forward.Looking good is certainly a plus.

For those not in the lifestyle, it is easy tostop trying to impress your significant other.They see you at your best and they see you at your worst and they still love you.Perhaps this can cause people to become complacent.After all, once you have settled in with a partner, there are more important things to worry about, right?

Not for swingers!

When we first entered the lifestyle I was shocked by how much younger swingers seemed.I can remember meeting couples who were closer to my parent’s age than my own.It was amazing how fit and sexy they were. Not to mention how open-minded their attitudes were!I could only attribute these characteristics to the fact that they were in the lifestyle.

The lifestyle takes sex from being an obligation to the exciting fun it was when you first met.It turns fantasies into realities!Lifestyle vacations are like sleep-away camp.All of your friends are there to have fun together.

The lifestyle creates a very busy social life for people who are looking to get involved.Between meet and greets, parties, swing clubs, hotel takeovers, cruises, and lifestyle resorts there is a lot going on!Even simply having dinner with lifestyle friends is different.The conversations are sexier and everyone is looking to have a good time.

Life is exciting when you have things to look forward to.That is not to say that vanilla people don’t have things to look forward to; obviously, they do.What swingers look forward to are endless events and parties.From Sunday Funday to Saturday night specials, every day is a party!There are many swingers who have already booked cruises for 2021 and beyond!

It seems that swingers have really found the fountain of youth.Life can be difficult and stressful but when we put on our swinger hats it is all about fun.The serious stuff can wait until the next morning!

Perhaps those in the swinger lifestyle seem younger than their vanilla counterparts for good reasons.They are active, they are free and they have endless opportunities for fun to look forward to.

Lifestyle cruises are great!Sailing out on the big beautiful sea, visiting exotic destinations and best of all, meeting a lot of new people.

One of the things that many swingers do not realize is that nudists also enjoy lifestyle cruises.Beautiful ships, great food and entertainment, no kids and the chance to be naked. Lifestyle vacations are the only kind that offers these opportunities, so it is only natural that nudists would also seek them out.

Many swingers have the mistaken belief that lifestyle cruises are only for swingers.If you look at their advertisements you would realize this is not the case.Take Bliss Cruise* for example:

Clearly, they are looking for adults who enjoy clothing optional vacations.They never mention swingers or nudists, which leaves it open to anyone.

This is where the confusion starts; how to tell the difference between a nudist and a swinger.Short of coming right out and asking, you can never really be sure.The problem with this is that swingers want to meet other swingers, and nudists have no interest in swingers. This is not to mention the couples who stumble upon the adult only theme, which appeals to them strictly because there are no kids.

This is the reason we created lifestyle jewelry.Imagine simply slipping on a piece of jewelry and others would know right away that you, too, are in the lifestyle. If every swinger on the cruise was wearing this jewelry, it would make things so easy. No more wasting time trying to figure out who is a swinger and who is not.

When you stop in a port, and everyone goes their separate ways, it is impossible to know who was on the ship. If everyone was wearing this jewelry, it would be very easy to spot them. It is nice to be able to know who is a part of your group when you are visiting a destination.

Our lifestyle jewelry was designed to help swingers to identify each other without exposing themselves to others.It is sold all over the world and we get emails all the time from customers who have found each other because of the jewelry.

How many times have your vanilla friends (for those of you who still have them) wanted to know where you were going and with whom?It seems whenever you tell vanilla friends you have other plans, they become curious.Especially if it happens on a regular basis.

When we first started making excuses for being unavailable to our vanilla friends, my husband and I would joke how ‘mom’ called.It wasn’t either of our moms, it was a nosy vanilla friend.Each conversation with her started with her asking what we did the previous weekend and with whom.

Prior to entering the lifestyle we would make plans with friends on a regular basis, sometimes weeks in advance.Saturday was usually spent at dinner or a movie.

When we discovered strip clubs, we became less available or started ending nights out with friends earlier than in the past.It was easy because strip clubs were better later at night.When we discovered a swing club not far away, we became more and more unavailable over a short period of time.

Our goal each week, was to keep Saturday night free so we could go to the club.We even had a code name for the club so that nobody would know what we were talking about if they overheard our conversations.Were we being paranoid?I don’t think so, people really wanted answers!

Over time, as we tried to force our vanilla friends to see us on Fridays. Not long after, we would only make ourselves available to them during the week.At this point, some of our friends became suspicious.We turned down invitations to just about every vanilla event we were invited to.We had discovered swinging and that was all we wanted to do.

As we made friends in the lifestyle, this group became our social life.Sometimes we would meet at a restaurant before heading to the club.This is when we discovered how difficult it was to have any privacy.That’s right, going out to dinner with lifestyle friends became fodder for anyone who saw us.It seemed not to matter how remote a restaurant we chose.As luck would have it, we always seemed to run into someone we knew.

Soon “mom” was back on the phone wanting to know who our new friends were.The first time I got the call I was taken aback.I tried to imagine how this was any of her business.Since she had not actually seen us, I knew someone had told her. Then I tried to imagine why people were talking about us.We do not live in a small town per se, but many people know each other.Same schools, same churches, temples, same after school activities, etc.

So what made our lives suddenly so interesting that people were talking about us?“Mom” casually mentioned that we seemed to be avoiding our old group of friends.I pointed out that the previous week we had met them for dinner.How could we be avoiding them if we saw them a few days ago?

It seems that making new friends, especially people that are from another town or city, raises eyebrows.Suddenly “mom” was asking how we met them.Don’t think “mom” was the only person asking, she was simply the only one brave or nosy enough to confront me.

It made us wonder how much people really deserved to know.Do we actually owe it to others to explain our whereabouts or our new friends?Is it normal for “friends” to demand to know why you are not free to spend more time with them?

My husband and I had even considered telling one couple that was part of that group of friends about the lifestyle.We thought they might be open to the whole idea of swinging.After much thought, we decided against it.If they were not open to it, we would be exposing ourselves and did not want to risk that.

The lifestyle resulted in our decision to completely remove ourselves from this former group of friends.We soon realized that these people are very judgmental and if they were to discover the truth, we would no longer be friends.Knowing this, we chose to drift away.

The question remained for us:Why is it anyone’s business how we spend our free time?Why must swingers always make up excuses so that they can do what they want?Lying and making up stories and excuses is exhausting.We are adults and should be free to live our lives without judgment.

For all of the nosy people out there:stop worrying about what others are doing and with whom they are doing it.We are forced to lie and sneak around to avoid judgment from people like you.Don’t you have anything better to do?

The sad part is, many people in the lifestyle end up having to choose between the lifestyle and maintaining vanilla friendships.Perhaps most people choose lifestyle friends simply because we have more in common with each other.They also don’t judge or wonder what we are doing when we are busy with something else.

Bottom line, swingers do not owe anyone an explanation about how they spend their free time.Where we go nights, weekends and on vacation is nobody’s business.We have discovered a wonderful, carefree life in the lifestyle and have no plans to change this any time soon.So butt out…

Reading the article which is intended to shame Roger Stone for being a “card-carrying” swinger, really made me mad.Trust me, this is not about politics and I have no intention of going down that rabbit hole.This is simply about seeing headlines each week where someone’s sex life being splashed across the headlines.Presumably, the media is looking to shame people for their sexual ‘improprieties’.

Last week it was Robert Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots.While some claim the story was to shine a light on massage parlors and human trafficking, it seemed primarily aimed at shaming Kraft.

I am not defending anyone or looking to debate how people should conduct themselves in their personal lives.What bothers me is why this is anyone’s business.Why should anyone care what people do in their private life?As long as people are not hurting anyone, should their sex lives be exploited like cheap fodder for journalists and tabloids?

Does a person’s sex life interfere with what they can do on a day to day basis?Is it impossible to be a good employee because you enjoy non-traditional sex?Should we really judge anyone because of their sexual interests, desires or even perversions?

Let us take Bill Clinton as an example.While having an affair with Monica Lewinsky does not interest me in the slightest, using the Oval Office does.Had his dallying taken place in his bedroom (or hers), there would have been no reason for the public to become involved.His decision to have an affair really did not affect his ability to do his job.Cheating on his wife is between he and Hillary.We can argue that it makes him dishonest, but that is a whole different story.

I always find it interesting how Americans can’t get enough of these types of stories.They seem horrified when someone famous is exposed for doing something countless others do on a regular basis.(The mention of Americans is because these types of stories are not headlines in other countries.)

Often times we hear swingers talking about how important it is for them to keep their lifestyle a secret.They live in fear that if someone found out, they would lose their job and be ostracized from their community.Their families would be shamed and they would probably lose their vanilla friends.

Hearing this makes me wonder if this type of reaction isn’t a bit over dramatic.It would be easy to understand if we were talking about being arrested and going to prison for some horrible crime.In this situation, losing your job, your friends and potentially your family seems like a possibility.Engaging in a lifestyle with your spouse just doesn’t feel so scandalous.

Most of the people that I have met in the lifestyle are truly wonderful, warm and caring people.The kind of people that I am proud to have as friends.These are friends that I have come to know on a much deeper level than any vanilla friends I have ever had.Without a doubt, these are the friends that I would count on if I had a problem.Lifestyle friends don’t judge, which is definitely not a quality that we find in most people.

Shaming Roger Stone and his wife for being swingers is disgusting.It has nothing to do with his current situation and certainly is not something his wife should have to endure.For Robert Kraft, perhaps the lesson for him is to hire prostitutes who will come to his home.

The worst part is how many people are out there who hire prostitutes or cheat on their spouse and are ridiculing these men for what has been on the news.It seems impossible to believe that Americans are still playing the puritanical card as the porn industry has grown to epic proportions.

My husband and I have been married for 10 years and although I love him, I need more sex than he does.At the beginning the sex was hot and often, but after a few years, he was happy to have sex twice a week.For a while I simply satisfied myself, but after we discovered swinging, everything changed.

Swinging woke him up sexually and that has been a positive for both of us.More importantly is that I can go to a swing club and have sex with many men in one night.My husband loves to watch and if he finds a woman he wants to play with, he likes to hear about what I was doing while he was busy.

Although I love the sex I can have at a club, I discovered what I was really looking for was the freedom to have sex with other men.As in, what I want, with who I want, when I want!

I discussed this with my husband and he told me the thought of my meeting other men for sex was a huge turn on for him!All he wanted was to hear all about it.He suggested trying to video tape encounters on my phone so that he could watch what happens.I wasn’t sure how many men would agree to this but I said I would do my best.

The only problem was, how to let men know that I am available.I work in a bank andI meet many men but flirting is frowned upon by management.We had seen your jewelry before and decided that this would be a way to accomplish this!Not only would I be able to let other swingers know that I am a swinger, but I love black men and so adding the queen of spade charm was perfect!

I did not meet someone right away but I got a lot of compliments on my necklace.One of coworkers is obsessed with it which makes me laugh.At first I thought maybe she was a swinger but she has no clue what it is.

It took a while but finally I had a bite!It was a regular customer and he simply handed me his deposit and his personal calling card together.He smiled and told me to have a nice day.I think I got wet just thinking about what this meant!I sent him a text as soon as I was on a break and he responded right away!He and his wife are swingers and they have an open marriage!He is allowed to meet other women as long as he tells his wife!

We met up for drinks the next night after work and headed right over to a motel nearby.He was not open to the video idea but said my husband could listen in over the phone if that would make him happy.The sex was incredibly hot and lasted quite a few hours.We talked about the necklace and he asked about the extra charm.I told him that I love black men (he is not) and he told me he knows quite a few from their circle of swingers.He said he could ask them to call me if I liked.This was unbelievable!Needless to say, I was thrilled!

Long story short, I have been very busy after work and wanted to tell you that the jewelry definitely works!

In the back room of a swing club this past weekend, my husband and I squeezed into a very small spot on a mattress.Not because the surrounding couples were of interest, but simply because it was the only free spot we could find.

I couldn’t help but wonder if the back room could be any more crowded.Couples were everywhere, using every available space they could find.Many couples simply played standing up, a few occasionally backing into an emergency exit and setting off the fire alarm door.

This particular Saturday was not even a special night at the club.SDC, Kasidie, SLS and Quiver tend to bring big crowds, but they were not in the house.It was not New Years or Halloween.It was just another Saturday night at Trapeze in Fort Lauderdale.

It seemed ironic to me because that same day I had come across an article in Time Magazine titled, “Why Are We All Having So Little Sex?”*

Clearly, the word all, does not include swingers.We are not only having sex, it is standing room only!

Perhaps, once again, swingers are making a good argument for their decision to engage in consensual non-monogamy.Sex, the way swingers are having it, is not boring or routine.It is not an obligation, nor is it a game of wait and see who initiates.

Swingers are out of the house when they are looking to play and that might be one of the most important details.Swing clubs promote sex as dessert.People come in to eat dinner, have drinks, dance and finally head into the play area.

Maybe one of the key aspects of swing clubs is that sex is not at home.It is almost like checking into a hotel.Even couples who have fallen into a rut at home are more likely to have sex in a hotel.The scenery is different and there are less distractions.Most importantly, the kids are not there.

Couples make sure to clean up and dress smart.Women want to be sexy and men want to look hot.The whole process of getting ready is a part of the allure.

At a swing club, sex is on the menu.You can have it if you choose, if not, that’s ok too.The temptation, like chocolate cake, is that it is available.Right behind the closed doors is an oasis of naked bodies looking for some fun.Just like the cake, maybe you will have just have a little taste or maybe, you’ll have it all!

The point is, swingers have not let the ball drop on an important aspect of both their relationship with their significant other and their general well being.Sex is good for you.It is exercise, there’s no calories, no chemicals and they can’t do it with their smart phone or computer.It is good old fashioned face to face (if that’s how you like it) contact with another person.

You don’t hear couples in a swing club discussing whether or not they feel like having sex tonight.What you might hear is with whom they would like to have sex.

Perhaps one of the issues regarding sex and long term relationships is not simply the routine of sex but the lack of desire you see from your partner.The beginning of many relationships is marked by lust. You simply can’t get enough of your partner and they can’t get enough of you.Sex is incredible and you want it constantly.

When couples move in together the insatiable desire tends to wane.We do everything we can to keep the flame burning but over time, life seems to get in the way.You let your hair down and your partner does not always see you at your best.

You might try new things in the bedroom but after a while, you run out of new things to try.And let’s face it, although you love your partner, the excitement eventually dulls.

This is where swingers have it figured out.If we swap partners, we all win.Everyone gets to be with someone new and exciting.The women and men are dressed to impress.They are hoping to attract a new person to play with but at the same time, your partner is noticing you in a new way as well!

I remember the first night my husband and I decided to go to a swing club. He looked amazing and I was wearing something way sexier than I had worn in years.We barely made it to the club because we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other in the car.

When couples break out of their routine and try something to ignite their sex lives, they might be surprised at the result.Couples don’t swing because they no longer love their partners, it is the opposite.They want to find that spark again.Feeling beautiful, sexy and desirable is important for both men and women.Swinging is a great way to reestablish those feelings.

For many couples, swinging sounds like a bad idea.They worry that their significant other will find someone new.It is a common fear for newbies but this is not usually the case.When couples enter the lifestyle properly and with the right intention, this is very uncommon.

The real problem is for couples who are not having sex.Even as we age and find ourselves in committed relationships, we are still human.Humans are sexual beings and naturally crave sex.

What happens when couples who no longer have sex are still looking for that validation that others find them attractive or desirable?This can be a slippery slope.Looking for validation in the wrong environment can lead to trouble.This type of behavior often leads to cheating.

The take away?It is natural for sex to become less exciting in a long term relationship but it is not natural to stop having sex. When I read the article asking, “Why are we having so little sex,” I am quite sure I said, “Not me” out loud.

If you love your partner and are simply looking to spice things up between the two of you, swinging might be for you!

Most people think of swingers as couples who are in committed relationships seeking other couples to swap with. A large part of the lifestyle does consist of this genre, however, it is not limited to couples. Single men and women are both very present within the lifestyle community.

It was confusing to me when I learned that there are singles in the lifestyle. I could not help but wonder what exactly they were looking for. How do they figure into the world of couple swapping? The answer is that the lifestyle is actually much broader and more complex than simply couples swapping with other couples.

Many couples enter the lifestyle seeking a third person to join them for sex.Some are looking for another woman while some are looking for a man.One or both members of any given couple might not be open to swapping.They are strictly looking for someone to play together with as a couple.

What brings singles into the lifestyle?

Are they aware that couples are sometimes looking for a third party to play with?Is that why they are present?

Let us consider single men.

Generally speaking, swing clubs are not the easiest places to find singles for a relationship. The majority of people who go to swing clubs are couples. What makes it even harder for single men is the male to female ratio of singles.

There are, however, some clubs which boast more singles and have even had marriages stem from swing club introductions. (This is true of a club we heard from after this article was originally published. Here is the quote from this club owner: “ Here is my perspective, I have had the pleasure of performing 16 weddings. 10 were couples that met at one on my clubs, Exotic Desires Social club in Knoxville Tn, and fell in love. I performed the wedding ceremony for all ten couples. All but 1 couple are still married and attend many of our events, so i do say, love can be found at a swinger party.”

Certianly, not every single man who enters a swing club is looking for love. Nor, is every single man who enters a club actually single. While some men might be hoping to find love, some are there for other reasons. What are those reasons?

Here is what we learned:

Obviously it is impossible to ask every single guy what brings him into the lifestyle so this is based on a small number.We sat with a few and corresponded with a group over the past few months to try to get some insight.

Single men love sex (shocking).Most are not looking for a relationship.They enjoy the warmth and connection of another couple.Although they might not be part of the couple, they like feeling like they are part of them when playing as a third.Some like the challenge of being chosen by a couple to join them.

Most preferred when the husband wanted only to watch his wife play with another man. They all said they were open to threesomes with the husband in the mix. All of the men admitted that they like to be watched when having sex and also enjoyed watching others. Two of the men were only voyeurs and so this would be a natural environment for them to enjoy.

With so many single men, what are your chances?

Some felt they had a better chance of having sex in a swing club than trying to meet a girl at a bar or regular club. More than a few reported that they did not have regular success finding couples to play with but still enjoyed the friendly atmosphere of a swing club. Most of the men I spoke with are not currently in a relationship and several of them expressed that they had bad experiences in prior relationships and this was just easier.

Some of the men admitted that they are lonely and have few social contacts.A swing club gives them a sense of belonging.Even if they are not always successful sexually, it affords them a night out where they do not feel so alone.

What happens when it’s getting late and you’re not having any luck?

How about all the “towel sharks” who lurk in the dark corners waiting to emerge when a couple is already engaged in playing? What are they hoping for?

According to my single sources, that is generally a method of last resort when the night is getting late and they realize they are not having any success with invitations from couples. At times they find the couples are open to a single man when they are both hot from foreplay.Often, these couples seemed disinterested prior to that. Many of the single men admitted that most of their success was waiting for these moments to present themselves.

So who are all these single men?

Contrary to what some might imagine, single men in the lifestyle come from all walks of life. Single men range from highly professional, successful businessmen to men who at times find themselves unemplyed. The interesting part is that this plays no role in who has more success as a single. The men who find themselves accepted most often by couples are well groomed and confident. They are friendly and easy going.

Race can sometimes be a part of the puzzle as most men told me both the man and woman of many couples have a fantasy that involves black men.

Swing clubs are expensive, especially for single men.

So is it worth the price of admission for single men to visit a swing club?Every man said absolutely.The cost is high for single men but they all felt it was worth the money.If nothing else, they were always able to watch other couples having sex.

What about private parties?

How hard is it to get an invitation to a private party? This can be very tricky for single men.All of the men with the exception of two had never been invited to a party.Some had tried to get an invitation via online dating sites like SDC but had not had any success.

So what’s the take away?What is it that makes some single men more successful than others?

The two men who have been invited to private parties, are both very attractive, well dressed and gregarious men.They are both very charming and charismatic.Just like in the vanilla world, it is easy to see why people are attracted to them.

They feel that their success is not about their looks but rather how they approach couples.They always befriend the male of the couple first and try to form a genuine friendship.If the couple is interested they let the couple approach them, never the reverse.The men said that being in tune with the couple is very important.Always follow the man’s lead, even if the female is pushing for something different.Their outside contact with any couple is always through the male.

It seems single men definitely have their place in the swinger’s world.It seems to work well for men who are thoughtful about their approach.Ask any swinger, male or female, and they will say the same.Nobody likes a person who is disrespectful or pushy.If a man is looking for success with swingers, hygiene is also very important.Nobody fantasizes about having sex with someone who smells bad or appears homeless.