Friday, 30 August 2013

Yeah and Butter Wouldn't Melt Right?

Ahhh my boys, love them to bits... which is a good thing because I have that to fall back on when there are days that they behave like little turds.

Yesterday I had to pay a little visit to the Dr. In light of what has been going on lately with me, we decided a grease and oil change was in order and since the only appointment I could get was after school, I had no choice but to take the three squids with me.

"They'll be right" I said

"They'll just sit quietly in the waiting room" I convinced myself

"What kind of trouble could they really get up to in a Dr's office" I asked myself.

Was I freaking kidding?

Minutes into the appointment, I was deep in convo with the Dr and he was suggesting it was time for a colonoscopy (don't worry, just part of the warranty service), when child number 2 opens the door and just walks on in.

Without a word he starts scrounging around my handbag, locates my iphone and walks out with it.

Moments later, child number 3 walks on in, starts rummaging through my bag, discovers the phone has already been taken, lets out a shriek and walks out.

Literally LESS than 2 minutes later Child number 2 walks back in again at which point our gorgeous Dr who we have known forever says to him "Mate, you cant just walk in and out as you please - you have to knock".

My son nods his head, tells me his brother sucks and walks out.

The Dr shakes his head, laughs and continues our consultation.

So then I am lying on the bench having a breast exam, there is a knock on the window behind me. We both turn around and there is child number 3 trying to peer in through the tinted glass. He spots us and starts waving madly and dancing.

I furiously wave him away, apologise and we continue with the examination.

A few minutes later we hear a commotion outside the door and then a ladies voice shooing someone away.
I did not even want to know at that point so I chose to ignore and kept on talking to the now bewildered Doc like that didn't just happen.

Finally as we are finishing up, there is a knock at the door.

The Dr looks at me for direction and I nod and say "if he is knocking it must be important", we let child number 3 in who proceeds to rant at full speed about how one of his brothers wont stop staring at him.

Holy Shit!!! And with that I cracked it!

I grabbed everything, referrals, scripts and a half eaten hash brown (WTF?) that had fallen out when they were pillaging me for my phone, shoved it into my bag, thanked the Dr and stormed out.

Outside of the Dr's room I was accosted by 3 kids, all in various stages of meltdown who when they spied the colour of my face and the venom frothing from my mouth, suddenly felt the need to deflect blame onto each other as loudly as humanly possible.

I made my way to the receptionist's desk where the nice lady who usually is keen for a chat, pretty much just threw the bill at me and gazed longingly at the door.

As my oldest son walked beside me repeatedly saying "I was a good boy Mum, It wasn't me", I could tell by the multiple sets of eyes boaring into me from the other patients waiting that clearly my other 2 children had shown them exactly WHY I will never get the award for raising the most well behaved kids.

That Dr appointment sucked, the humiliation of it all pretty much sucked and quite frankly yesterday my kids sucked.

As I said, lucky I love them or there would have been a couple of kids up for sale on Ebay today..... going REALLY cheap!

Do your kids do this to you too?

WHY do they pick the most inconvenient times to be proper little turds?