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I thought it was an inspired idea, sure to be met with keen interest, if not giddy anticipation. When the reaction was blank stares, trepidation, and dismissal, I was nonplussed.

The place was Citibank’s commercial banking branch in Nagoya where I was a newly-installed branch manager, conjuring ideas to

raise morale and productivity, especially among the young unmarried men and women staff, as well as to score political points with higher ups by fostering communications—and “cross-selling” potential—with Citibank’s commercial finance affiliate in Nagoya.

The idea was a “social event”—a party with food, drinks and karaoke—particularly for the two dozen or so young, single staff

members of both companies. Part “singles” party; part “team building” exercise.

We did hold the event, and it was a flop. What surprised me most was the timidity and diffidence, and maladroitness, of the young men, who basically huddled in a corner by themselves and stared at their shoes, while the young women were waiting to be approached. As a business manager, I asked myself how people so unaggressive in personal situations could possibly be successful in sales (turns out they were not, and Citi later closed the office). But was there a greater social and societal problem here?

At the time I was finding it necessary to evaluate my cultural biases on a host of issues—ceding superiority in most cases to the “Japanese

way.” Was this another such case?

I was reminded of this long ago experience by a November 25, 2011 Nihon Keizai Shimbun article on a survey showing that the percentage of 18 to 35 year old unmarried Japanese men reporting that they were without girlfriends has topped 60 percent. For unmarried women of the same age, the share of those without boyfriends is approaching 50 percent, a historical record. Further, nearly half of the 7,000 survey respondents said that they had given up seeking romantic relationships.

A chart from the article is posted above. The top section presents the percentages of men and women reporting no “significant other.”

The lower sector gives percentage responses for men and women relating to their social situations involving the opposite sex. Amazingly, for unmarried men, only 1.8 percent reported being engaged. 22.8 percent reported having girlfriends, while 9.4 percent said that they socialize

with or have friends of the opposite sex. For women, 3.1 percent were engaged; 30.9 percent had boyfriends; and 11.9 percent socialized with or had male friends. This left 61.4 percent of the men with no relationships or socializing with women, and 49.5 percent of women in the same

situation with respect to men.

The survey has been conducted at five year intervals by The National Institute of Population and Social Security Research, an agency of the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare--one of the many official or quasi-official research institutions in Japan that study societal trends, and

whose reports make absorbing reading. Since the last survey, in 2005, the biggest change was that of men reporting no girlfriends, a jump of 9.2 percent points. For women, the rise in friendlessness was a steep 4.8 percentage points.

The Japanese government—reflecting the mood of the country—is worried about family formation (slowing) and population decline (in

process). With the percentage of unmarried young people at historically high levels, the psychological and social circumstances of these people are of great interest.

Some 86 percent of men and 89 percent of women responded that they “planned to marry eventually,” a rate only slightly down from the previous survey. But there was a significant uptick—up 2.3 points to 9.4 percent for men, 1.2 points to 6.8 percent for women—in persons saying that they would never marry.

Reasons for staying single were mostly “don't feel the need to marry” for 18 to 25 year olds, and “have not met a suitable person” for 25 to 35 year olds. Number of children desired after marriage was 2.12 (up 0.02) for women, 2.04 (down 0.03) for men. Age at which they desired to be married was 30.4 years (previously 30.0) for men, and 28.4 (previously 28.1) for women. Most men and women feel that a two year age difference in favor of men is the marriage ideal. But the survey revealed a big jump—to 35.8 percent from 29.4 percent—in men saying the couple should be the same age.

One of the strengths of Japanese society is the “zen” stoicism of Japanese culture. In most of its manifestations, this stoicism is both admirable and beneficial. But in some respects it is decidedly unhelpful, even tragic. Would the plight of so many lonely people not be one?