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Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Day of Discharge

First I want to start by saying I dont know how all you heart moms do this. I feel like I dont have a second to breathe let alone update my blog! Im finally getting a second to sit down, process my thoughts and relax!

Today was discharge day for me. Very bittersweet. I left the hospital without my baby and I had a very hard time. Its not fair to be walking out those doors with empty arms. But....I know that I cant give him the care that he needs. It also means that I get to spend all the time with him that I want to right now! I have held myself together so well with a few minor meltdowns. I love seeing his sweet little face and letting him hold my finger but at the same time I hate it all. I cant see all of his face because of that ugly vent that he has! Everyone was so right when they said this would be an emotional rollarcoaster.

Ok enough about my emotions everyone comes here to read about the precious little Parker! He is holding his own, Im still learning all of this stuff they tell me a hundred times what things mean and I forget in 10 minutes. There are sooo many things to remember and numbers to watch on those screens. The poor nurses already probably think Im a nutcase. Oh well he is my son and I deserve to know what everything means and does. The drs seem to be pretty happy with where he is at right now. He is doing way better than what any of them expected. They do keep him pretty drugged up right now because he gets so upset and startled so easy and it causes everything to go crazy.

As of right now they are talking about his Norwood surgery taking place around the 1st of next week. They said probably Tuesday. This is all just a guess right now because with these babies as many of you know it is literally minute by minute. But Tuesday is what they are shooting for. While I am ready to get this show on the road and get his recovery started...I am not ready at all for this surgery. I cant imagine how I am going to get through it. I havent even got to hold him barely get to touch him because he gets startled and I am supposed to hand him over to the surgeons for a MAJOR surgery. I am really going to need to dig deep to find the strength to get through next week! I give props to all of the heart moms that have done this ahead of me now I can truly understand how you feel.

On another note...tonight we checked into the Haven House for our stay until the Ronald Mcdonald House gets an opening for us. As we walked in the door the lady at the front asked how the baby was doing and I replied with a good. She asked what we named him and I told her Parker. I kept on walking and I turned around to see my husband wasnt behind me because he was showing off pictures of his son to the lady! It made my heart melt! I didnt even think to stop and show her I was ready to get to the room and relax but proud daddy has to show everyone. I love him so much and I am so glad that I have been able to give him this precious gift of having a son!

I will leave you with a few pictures before I call it a night and try to get some rest

8 comments:

Awww love these pictures so much! Congrats again - he's so handsome! Yes, the rollercoaster and insane search for enough time to update the blog. Don't worry - you'll get into a rythym. I found updating the blog while I pumped was pretty effective. And you'll get familiar with all the terms - before you know it, you'll be able to have full conversations with the nurses and doctors (and completely understand what they're saying and participate in the conversations). Congrats again - and will be in prayer for Parker next week...

Heather, I am impressed! Two blogs since Parker entered the world. I will admit, my husband posted all blogs after Zoe was born, until almost discharge. I was way too preoccupied with pumping, being bedside, eating and attempting to sleep. You are doing wonderfully and you both look great. Just like during labor and delivery, you'll go into "game time" mode during surgery. Then you'll be in "recovery mode" after surgery. You just do it and survive. It's really hard to explain but you'll get it very soon. Parker looks great. Can't wait to see the pics of you holding him for the first time.

Happy you are moved into the Haven House and at least have a place to rest (or try to at least.) Thanks again and keep us posted.

It is pretty overwhelming in the beginning between learning all of the new things, worrying over your baby and trying to keep everyone updated on what's going on. Then there is the whole emotional roller coaster that is made worse by post baby hormones. It is hard. {{{HUG}}} However, you do find survival mode at some point and you are able to dig down deep to find the strength to endure all of the craziness that comes with this life.

You don't know me but I found your blog through someone else's. I don't live too far away from SLCH and have been praying for lil' Parker for awhile now. I'm so happy to know things are going good so far. Parker is beautiful! Prayers coming your way from IL.

Hang in there Heather. I remember coming home without my baby (or my husband because he was 3 hours plane flight away in the hospital with her). It was not easy. The best advice I can give is to take every moment as it comes. Don't worry about the future. Take lots of pictures no matter how ugly they are. And hold onto your husband and God for dear life. Even though this new baby experience isn't happening like everyone else's experiences, it will be "yours" to remember and look back on.

A mother's perspective

You passed me in the shopping mall...(You read my faded tee)You tapped me on the shoulder...Then asked..."What's a CHD?" I could quote terminology...There's stats that I could give...But I would rather share with you...A mother's perspective.

What is it like to have a child with a CHD?It’s Lasix,aspirin,Captopril…It’s wondering…Lord what’s your will?…It’s monitors and oxygen tanks…It’s a constant reminder to always give thanks…It’s feeding tubes, calories, needed weight gain…It’s the drama of eating…and yes it’s insane!It’s the first time I held him…(I’d waited so long)It’s knowing that I need to help him grow strong…It’s making a hospital home for awhile…It’s seeing my reward in every smile.It’s checking his sats as the feeding pump’s beeping…It’s knowing that there is just no time for sleeping…It’s caths, x-rays and boo boos to kiss…It’s normalcy I sometimes miss…It’s asking do his nails look blue?It’s cringing inside at what he’s been through.It’s dozens of calls to his pediatrician…(She knows me by name…I’m a mom on a mission)It’s winters homebound…and hand sanitizer…It’s knowing this journey has made me much wiser.It’s watching him sleeping…his breathing is steady…It’s surgery day and I’ll never be ready.It’s handing him over…( I’m still not prepared…)It’s knowing that his heart must be repaired…It’s waiting for news on that long stressful day…It’s …praying…it’s hoping…that he’ll be okay.It’s the wonderful friends with whom I’ve connected…It’s the bond that we share…it was so unexpected…It’s that long faded scar down my child’s small chest…It’s touching it gently and knowing we’re blessed…It’s watching him chasing a small butterfly…It’s the moment I realized I’ve stopped asking why?It’s the snowflakes that fall on a cold winter’s day…(They remind me of those who aren’t with us today)It’s a brave little boy who loved Thomas the train…Or a special heart bear…or a frog in the rain….It’s the need to remember we’re all in this plight….It’s their lives that remind us we still need to fight!It’s in pushing ahead amidst every sorrow…It is finding the strength to have hope for tomorrow.