Portal Trip - Diary of CarlChapter 4 - Two Disasters

2004

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Dear diary,

Today I was confronted by Van Helsing who demanded to know the last time I ate. My stomach cared to remind me of its empty state at the same moment. I was required to spend the day being force fed. I will delay my portal tripping until tomorrow.

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Dear dairy,

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY POOR INNOCENT MIND!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Dear God, my mind has been most grievously harmed.

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Dear diary,

What do you think Van Helsing’s long hair implies?

No don’t answer that.

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Dear diary,

Now that I am sufficiently calmed, I will recount the events of the previous day’s ventures. Must I remember...?

Only my attachment to this cause will ensure that I record this. I was able to gather that my surroundings were different from that of the place I have been returning to for the past few trips. Some questioning (with those who did not glare evilly at me) placed me in the country of Australia. I waited for the appearance of Van Helsing, knowing that whatever I did he’d be around anyway.

Thankfully, there were no hot dog stands anywhere in sight. There was, however, a fully suited banana called B1 following me.

I found Van Helsing soon enough. I assumed by what he was wearing he was in costume. My...ah...assumptions based on the banana costume proved incorrect. Ah...um...let’s just say this Van Helsing...to borrow a phrase from someone I became instant friends with in my grief...is “batting for the other team”.

Oh God. How will I ever look him in the eye again?

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Dear diary,

I decided to squeeze in another portal trip in an attempt to uplift my spirits. I did not want to be confronted with the most uplifted bunch of people I’ve ever seen...I mean heard...Really, must they every five minutes start singing loudly,

“Oh, what a beautiful mornin',Oh, what a beautiful day.I got a beautiful feelin'Ev'rything's goin' my way.”

Ah! I will have nightmares for weeks! I was unable to decipher most of what they were saying. Honestly, who says “pore Jud is daid”? Mindful of my last encounter, I was wary around Van Helsing. I hardly recognised him under that tragic hair style. I tried to make my retreat, but a banana called B2 chased me towards the centre of the mob.

Upon close inspection of Van Helsing, decided that I was not going to receive any sort of proper respect. I think I’m going to lie down...maybe drown myself in liquor...

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Dear diary,

I have been humming the songs encountered around my Van Helsing for six hours now. I have been glared at several hundreds of times. I have made a frightening discovery. While attempting to sing, I was confronted by Van Helsing who demanded where the song was from.

“It sounds familiar,” he explained. “I think I dreamed it once.”

Perhaps he is at the crossroads of all portals...something to look into...

I have concluded that Van Helsing must like women. He’s never showed any interest towards men...ah...I hope it never happens here.