Tuesday, July 15, 2008

"and i haven’t asked for much since i met her,some courage and maybe some heart.but jupiter, please, will you raise your fists and mend all that keeps us apart?

there’s the thing with her father,the thing with me broken,her new jealous ex and the press.

and each of them not much worse than the other,but still pretty bad nonetheless.

because there are spiders,under my skin when she’s not next to me."

thank you, musicisart, for a new musical introduction. lyrics that creep, just below the surface of my skin, and become the pieces of stories i might someday write. truths that were most likely not intended by the writer, but still they persist. it may be terribly self-indulgent, but when i enjoy things i cannot help but devour them, turn them on their sides (or sometimes inside out and upside down), and make them my own.

"here is a plea,from my heart to you,nobody knows me as well as you do.you know how hard it is for me,to shake the disease,that takes hold of my tongue in situations like these.understand me."roads ~ portishead

Friday, July 11, 2008

"but uh oh, i love her because she moves in her own way;but uh oh, she came to my show just to hear about my day.but uh oh, i love her because she moves in her own way;but uh oh, she came to my show just to hear about my day."

oh my stars, these boys are so infectious and adorable. i want to carry them around in my pocket and have them sing to me when i'm blue. because truly it is impossible to not smile while listening to this song; not just smile, but skip and dance a little jig down the summer sidewalks. it makes me want to be hopeful, to think that tomorrow will be better. skirts that spin and brightly colored halter tops, pig tails and red lipstick, dancing around and laughing.

this is such a summer song to me, probably why i included it here - my soundtrack this july.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

"who wants to see life as it is? it's the three gorgons in one. you look in their faces and turn to stone. or it's pan. you see him and you die--that is, inside you--and have to go on living as a ghost."

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

"“people think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. but a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. a true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. but to live with a soul mate forever? nah. too painful. soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank god for it.”

"nobody knows what you want except you. and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don’t get it. wanting some other way to live is proof enough of deserving it. having it is hard work, but not having it is sheer hell.”

Saturday, July 5, 2008

“we grew still and stared at each other. it seemed incredibly dangerous to look into each other’s eyes, but we were doing it. for how long can you behold another person? before you have to think of yourself again, like dipping the brush back in for more ink. for a very long time; you didn’t need to get more ink, there was no reason to get anything else, because she was as good as me, she lived on earth like me, she suffered as i did. it was she who looked away and pulled the sheet to her chin.”

*1. what music (or other art form) inspires you when you create your art?

Miles - I'd say this album is informed by a mix of 80s pop (Pet Shop Boys, Talk Talk, The Smiths) and a few key records that make some kind of grand artistic or political statement, like Infected by The The or Don't Stand Me Down by Dexys. Plus there are some unusual song structures and time signatures, like you might find in the music of Blonde Redhead or Radiohead (1997 onwards). Another important influence was the English philosopher, John Gray, whose books I find simultaneously terrifying and empowering.

i would like to thank vanilla swingers for re-awakening my vision of an alternate reality/time travel story i've been working on - but had been stuck in writer's block over. thank you for the inspiration, and for such lush and gorgeous music.

and, thank you for participating in keep art alive; the ten questions project

go now go and check out more of their music, catch them live if you can, recommend them to a friend, and buy something if you can. keep art alive and show your support.

my absolute favorite fourth of july song. this song is los angeles to me, it is summer and living on my own for the first time. the memory of climbing on the top of the roof, at that old apartment on truslow avenue, and watching the kids next door shoot off fireworks in the street.

i have written stories with this song playing in my ears. i have written a lyric from this into a poem i wrote. i think i have even imagined john and exene into characters i've created.

i'm not a fan of this day, for a variety of reasons, but i do love this song - and some of my fourth of july memories.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

"and we both know,that people change,when truth’s not part of their lives;i’ve seen the love in their eyes,don’t say goodbye,goodbye."

the saddest thing i have ever seen is defeated eyes. the most tragic words i have ever heard are "what if". there is nothing left but regret when you give up a dream without ever giving it a chance. if nothing else, i hope i teach my children that. take a deep breath, hold your head high, swallow your fear, and try. and remember, that failing and falling on one's backside does not have to mean you have given up.

i am reminded of ally sheedy's quote from the breakfast club, when she says "when you grow up your heart dies." perhaps i just refuse to completely grow up, or maybe i just refuse to let my heart die. my dreams, they may be fuzzy and full of obstacles, and some days i wake up with so much disillusionment that i feel they will never be, but i try - fucking hell i try - to keep a hold of my heart, my dreams, my wishes, and all those pieces of who that makes me.

"i have a theory that every time you make an important choice, the part of you left behind continues the other life you could have had. some people's emanations are very strong, some people create themselves afresh outside of their own body. this is not fancy. if a potter has an idea, she makes it into a pot, and it exists beyond her, beyond its own separate life. she uses a physical substance to display her thoughts. if i use a metaphysical substance to display my thoughts, i might be anywhere at one time, influencing a number of different things, just as the potter and her pottery can exert influence in different places. there's a chance that i'm not here at all, that all the parts of me, running along all the choices i did and didn't make, for a moment brush against each other."

i get my whiskey from a wellexcept on holidays when it's the top shelfbut tonight i don't mind if i spend a little more'cause you're a tolerant woman and the world is at war

i know you witnessed my declineyou used to push back the darkness like a flood lightbut tonight that's a secret like the soul of a whorebut if you want to have fun you'll just have to ignore

now i let my troubles solve themselvesi used to get involved but i'm just no helpbut tonight let's pretend that we're just like we werelet me stay 'til the morning i will sleep on the floor

and we can talk in circles no dollar figuresjust what is owed or paidand we can make predictions i know you see the futureand i agreeand we agreetonight's not happening

when i got dry as a desert i got meani was as lonely and empty as a canteenwith no anesthetic you're bound to be sorebut tonight i am drinkin' all peaceful and warm

and just when i got fed up with that grey skythe sun came out of no where like a bar fightand it knocked out the wind and it bruised me with lightand i felt grateful for living just like i feel tonight

but i know you feel safer in a groupwhere you could be anyone or they could be youbut tonight we'll take risks that you can affordyou still have bars on your windows and a hole in your door

we can talk in circles around a dirty mirrornight trickles down our throatsand we can make the timeline to last our whole liveswe don't knowbut no one knowswhat's further up the road

"i'm undecided about you again,mightn't be right that you're not here;it's double sided 'cause i ruined it all,but also saved myself,by never believing you dear."

today i woke up with an unfamiliar sense of peace falling around me. it felt as something akin to a aura-laced blanket wrapping around my shoulders, soothing my sad and recently weary heart. i took a deep breath and let the blanket fall, looked into the mirror and squinted to see a glimpse of hope that this month just may be what i need to shed this oppressive case of the blues.

i think i am deciding to let things go that are not working, and to re-embrace the things i love that i've let go of along the way (especially over the last month). i am done with limbo and waiting, as it seems to have been a somewhat self-inflicted state of mind that i've gotten myself into, time and time again. instead i want forward movement and more personal fulfillment, all that dreams/wishes realized kind of thing.

i am throwing my last held out hopes on things and people who only continue to hurt me into the sea. they can be sailors and pirates and captains of their own ships, but my ocean needs to be filled with other things for now. suppose it could be part of my personal breakdown, or part of the recovery (and shedding) of said breakdown; or this could be all part and parcel to just wanting to start over.

i know i want to be happy, and i know that we make choices everyday that define what happy is for ourselves. so, happy july 1st, i am reclaiming this as the start of my summer of turning this damn mood around.