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Saturday, October 25, 2014

The Great Movie Popcorn Debate: To Butter Or Not!

Dear Tazi:

I have an issue that keeps cropping up, and I am not certain how to solve it. My girlfriend and I love going to the movies, and we generally get a large popcorn to eat during the show. The problem is, I like my popcorn drenched in butter and she likes it plain.

I know the obvious answer is for us to get separate bags of popcorn, but the stuff is ridiculously overpriced as it is; so I really hate the idea of buying two medium popcorns for almost double the price of one large. I have asked the concessions people if they can give me a large popcorn in two bags, and put butter on only one of the portions but they have said they cannot do that - something about bag inventory being used to track sales.

Do you have any suggestions on how to solve this issue, Tazi?

Signed,
Butter Lover

Dear Butter Lover:

Bring a brown paper lunch bag with you from home, and pull it our when you reach the concessions area. After the concessionaire fills your popcorn bag, pour half of the still plain popcorn into the brown paper bag and leave it that way. Then, ask that s/he put butter on the remainder of the popcorn still in the original bag (because those bags are wax-lined to withstand a butter-drenching). Problem solved! You humans really do like to complicate the most simple of matters!

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. I hope you realize that of all the bad foods you humans love to eat, movie theater popcorn is one of the worst, even before drenching it in butter!