Santa Against ‘Hand-Outs’ to the Poor

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THE NORTH POLE, (The Global Edition) — Once again this year, Santa lavished gifts upon wealthy children and delivered very little if anything to the world’s poorest kids.

This year, however, Santa defended his practice via Twitter, responding to hundreds of critical posts, such as the one from 7 year-old Sawyer Richards. Richards wrote, “I got f*$%k all for Christmas while the richest kids in my class got everything they wanted. You’re not real. I don’t believe in you.”

“Oh, I’m very real,” Santa replied. “I’m as real as a hard day’s work, and when you and your unmarried and unemployed parents start believing in that [hard work], then you might see rewards under the tree–and everywhere else, I might add.”

The dialogue unfolding via Twitter has sparked some anti-Santa protests around the world, but it has also generated a growing number of Santa-backers, especially in the United States, where Democrats and Republicans argue at the edge of a fiscal cliff.

Since coming out on the Right end of the political spectrum, Santa Clause seems to have become a champion for hard line fiscal conservatives. Images of Santa and his Reindeer flying over the fiscal cliff with ease have been circling the internet. One such image shows a bumper sticker on the back of Santa’s sleigh that reads “Christmas is for Closers”.