Here's What Sarah Palin Will Demand To Speak At Your Event

Thanks to a judge in California, who forced Cal State to release the contract for a Sarah Palin speech, we now know what she'll demand if you want her to speak at YOUR event.

For starters:

$75,000

First-Class airfare

"Deluxe" hotel accommodations

Chauffeur to and from event with SUV (or, in pinch, black Town Car)

Wooden lecturn

Two bottled waters

Bendy straws (for the waters)

Pen on which to scribble notes on her hand

(Okay, we made up the last one.)

These aren't wild demands, actually, for a speaker of Palin's stature. We'd have assumed the speaking fee alone would have been $100,000. But if you want to scrimp and save, you can always hire Palin's famous single-teenage-mom daughter Bristol, who will only nick you for $14,000.