I have three great enemies: me, gravity, and time, in that order. I am, of course, my greatest enemy, the one I cannot escape no matter what I do. When you become engrossed in something, you can escape time for a little while; when you ride a roller coaster or are jettisoned into space, you can escape gravity. I am the thing I have striven to be relieved of.

Like anything created, molded between hands or machines, I am not a finished product. I can always be built on, over; I can be reshaped. I can be given a new sheen, a reenforced chassis. I can improve the bad parts and, in some cases, even discard unwanted things.

But not everything broken can be fixed.

The driving message behind TASWAN (unlike the one for the "Others" comic, or "Bite the Hand That Beats You") has become "How can we advance beyond the 'imperfection factor' that exists in all things human and human-made?" (The message of "Others"--still untitled--is "No one is special." The one for "BTHTBY" is "The underdog never wins." Hmm...they both sound really depressing when put so bluntly....) Science is fine, but the problem with technology (the application of science) is that humans are the ones applying it. Hence there are errors.

Could my heart be fixed? They fixed it once, and it didn't quite work. (My heart was being horrible today, which is what made me think about it.) Is it because of the human element? Is it the human element in the doctors, or the human element in me? Or maybe it isn't human at all. There is so much imperfect and failure in the world, not just the world of humans; maybe it has nothing to do with people at all. I dunno. Just thinking on a computer screen.

I've thought about writing a book about my travails here in Japan and entitling it "SWF (Stupid White Foreigner) in Japan." Don't really like the "White" in the title, but I can't think of anything else that works. Any ideas?

Speaking of me being my greatest enemy, I think I totally forgot to wear deodorant today. WTF?! I haven't done that since about the 6th grade. How stupid. (Again with the human element....) I just hope it didn't offend anybody's nose. It certainly offended mine, but that was only after I exercised this afternoon.

And about gravity: I'm not kidding when I say my apartment is a small segment of hell. Unless there was an earthquake today that I didn't notice--which is entirely possible, but I doubt--there was no reason for my toothbrush and dental floss to fall off the counter and into the sink. I was getting a Seth Green fix--I watched that stupid "Can't Hardly Wait" movie again--when I heard a crash from the bathroom. Why the hell can't things just NOT fall down for one day? Hmm?! Just one day! Just one.

Found my "essay" on the theory of the "homeless 80's girl" look. I left it on my desk while I went to take a shower. When I came back, it was lying in the trash can. I don't believe in ghosts, but it's REALLY tempting to start believing in poltergeists (that movie scared the SHIT out of me when I saw it at the age of 8). Either that or God's just out to get me (more probable).