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Guillermo del Toro. Mexican filmmaker. He produced and wrote Katie Holmes‘ new movie “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark.” Round body. Hairy face. Rumpled clothes. Shape less shoes. Eyeglasses. Easy, affable, friendly, chatty, such an omnipresent smile, you’d not expect his opening phrase: “My movie’s so frightening, it’ll scare the crap out of you.”

Right. Okayyyyy.

“This movie is very black.”

So were his clothes. T-shirt, jacket, pants, shoes, socks — all black.

“I’ve pursued this project since seeing the original film in 1973, when I was a fat little boy. Today I’m a fat little man. And now, being even fatter, I’ve just remade it. The actual doing took 16 years. First Bob Weinstein of Miramax OK’d it. Then Disney bought Miramax. Then came a new company. Then it started over again.

“See, I’m fascinated by monsters and dark places. To me fairy tales were the cradle of horror narration. I love exploring that. I love insects and unborn things.

“This film is dark. One bathroom scene and stuff with a bed sheet is very scary. The opening is terrifying. A scene exploring the basement and the last 20 minutes you will definitely crap in your pants.”

Lovely one-line review for a newspaper ad. Critics could give it four toilet rolls.

“Actors aren’t scared doing these scenes. They love horror movies. What actors do is all fake. Make believe. They play roles. That’s their arena. So that’s what horror movies are. Hide and seek.

A hangnail makes me panic, so I mumbled it was nice to meet Guillermo and ran the hell out. Considering what he said could happen to me, I did not see his sweet musical.

BRUCE Willis up for the original Joe in “GI Joe 2” . . . Kellan Lutz, Maria Menounos, Jennifer Love Hewitt forming an anti-bullying initiative . . . Kevin Sorbo, of TV’s “Hercules: The Legendary Journeys” and “Andromeda,” has written “True Strength: My Journey From Hercules to Mere Mortal and How Nearly Dying Saved My Life.” It’s about a physical and mental battle that, while trying to hide it, nearly took his life.

LEWIS Kasman. “Adopted Son,” “Chief of Staff to the Boss,” “Gate keeper to the Godfather.” Whatever. He delivered John Gotti’s eulogy, paid for the funeral, brought the remains home from Springfield, Mo.’s Fed Med, and now writes a rat-all. “The Last Son” is about 20 years with NYC’s head hood. He says how a hard-luck directionless abused Long Island Jewish kid became the Teflon Don’s shadow underboss:

“Gotti never trusted his hapless son John Junior to handle Gambino crime family business. Junior wasn’t bright that way . . . so at Gotti’s behest, millions of Gambino dollars were laundered through my once-struggling garment center shoulder pads and zippers business . . . He so trusted me that he designated me paymaster to the bookmakers.”

Co-author is “Rolling Stone” contributing editor Peter Wilkinson. Kasman’s memories will dribble on the Catholic church, the Clintons, Streisand, clink to clink names we’ve read about and a large load of VIP public officials.

GENTLEMAN’s Quarterly’s August issue profiles Jerry Lewis, 85. The huge piece ends saying he’ll last to 101 because: “I’ll then be one year older than George Burns when he left. I told Burns, ‘Whatever your last year is, I’m going a year after you.’ ” Burns, who left at 100 in 1996, told Lewis: “Go for it.” This is the first Labor Day that Jerry will no longer do his usual Muscular Dystrophy telethon. Taking a beat he says: “Then it was a joke. Now it’s no joke.”

IN her Puff Daddy days, J.Lo was watching “The Thin Red Line” when he, impatient, said: “Let’s go. Right now.” She says she still wants to see the end of it . . . Ewan McGregor: “Celebrity is a road to nowhere. After you become one, it’s never enough.” . . . A Reese Witherspoon quote: “My rule is, ‘If it’s not moving, monogram it.’ ” I don’t totally understand that but, listen, she’s successful and beautiful so — sounds good to me.

FRONT seats at B’way’s “The Addams Family.” Woman on the aisle was nursing her baby.