Narcoleptic Girlfriend, Says Hurtful Things When Half Asleep

I've been with my girlfriend for almost two years. (I'm 26, she's 21) She has narcolepsy as well as a learning disability. I educated myself on Narcolepsy so I understand it more now. I just want to know if anyone carries on conversations while half asleep. Because, I can tell when my girlfriend is fully asleep and she sleep talks. But, sometimes its like she's awake and talking to me, watching tv and then she says something out of character. Like something that's hurtful or hostile. When awake she doesn't remember saying it and apologizes. Or she'll freak out and tell a friend to leave and then fall asleep. Has anyone else done that?

I've been with my girlfriend for almost two years. (I'm 26, she's 21) She has narcolepsy as well as a learning disability. I educated myself on Narcolepsy so I understand it more now. I just want to know if anyone carries on conversations while half asleep. Because, I can tell when my girlfriend is fully asleep and she sleep talks. But, sometimes its like she's awake and talking to me, watching tv and then she says something out of character. Like something that's hurtful or hostile. When awake she doesn't remember saying it and apologizes. Or she'll freak out and tell a friend to leave and then fall asleep. Has anyone else done that?

Yup. and she is lucky to have someone like you that would take the time to study narcolepsy and ask questions as well. I have entire conversations i have no recolection of and when they are mentioned it usually upsets me as well. My memory used to me something that i could depend on 100%. I am in law enforcement and now i have to be more careful and take notes. Because when I am questioned about what i saw or heard, sometimes i draw a complete blank! It has effected my career, my friendships, my relationships, my life.

Has she been sleep walking yet? I like to empty the spices onto the countertops and stack the chairs and open the oven. I also get up running and screaming (usually running away from inmates or somethign at work) I fall asleep and its like im somewhere else like a time portal or whatever.. I have no idea that i fell asleep and it makes it difficult to distinguish reality from dream sometimes. But usually is WORSE when i've not been getting rest. And my conversations when i'm falling asleep.. i love it.. I'll be talking normally and then i say something really off the wall. Sometimes i remember saying it and the person asks me why i said it and i can never answer that question it really aggrivates me because you get a little confused.. i like to just say like i read on these forums.. "idk i guess i narc'ed out on ya!"

I've been with my girlfriend for almost two years. (I'm 26, she's 21) She has narcolepsy as well as a learning disability. I educated myself on Narcolepsy so I understand it more now. I just want to know if anyone carries on conversations while half asleep. Because, I can tell when my girlfriend is fully asleep and she sleep talks. But, sometimes its like she's awake and talking to me, watching tv and then she says something out of character. Like something that's hurtful or hostile. When awake she doesn't remember saying it and apologizes. Or she'll freak out and tell a friend to leave and then fall asleep. Has anyone else done that?

I have done this!

Happy to hear that you are trying to understand I sometimes recall saying things and sometimes not. When I do remember saying things I also remember the horribly intense anger/confusion emotion that paired with the hostility in the first place and it does Not feel like myself at all. It is very embarassing.

Right after I usually fall asleep, or return to sleep or leave the room angrily to go sleep alone and am pretty sure that it is now recognizeable enough to my boyfriend to not take personally. It especially sucks when other people are present/overhear and things are misunderstood. I have no issue with and would prefer the boyfriend to bring up these comments/occurences afterward to clarify that it was Indeed a sleep induced comment and to not harbour any ill feelings. I wouldnt want him to rub it in saying "look what I have to deal with, you're so mean" etc (becuse it isn't voluntary) buuut it IS something that he has to deal with and I would hate to have to hear lil spiteful comments if the roles were reversed! This is definitely not the biggest issue but glad you posted about it because I assume that it is both common and overlooked.

First of all, I commend you for researching N and trying to understand what your girlfriend is facing.

I talk in my sleep very often, especially if I fall asleep in the living room in the evening. If my sister is on the telephone and I am sleeping and can hear it, I will respond to her conversation. Apparently sometimes I ramble random things that don't make sense, and other times I am totally with it and occasionally insulting. One time I even responded in perfect German as I know a little bit of it. Please don't take her sleeping words personally.

I've been with my girlfriend for almost two years. (I'm 26, she's 21) She has narcolepsy as well as a learning disability. I educated myself on Narcolepsy so I understand it more now. I just want to know if anyone carries on conversations while half asleep. Because, I can tell when my girlfriend is fully asleep and she sleep talks. But, sometimes its like she's awake and talking to me, watching tv and then she says something out of character. Like something that's hurtful or hostile. When awake she doesn't remember saying it and apologizes. Or she'll freak out and tell a friend to leave and then fall asleep. Has anyone else done that?

"Half asleep" isn't the right term. I believe it's technically called Automatic Behavior - which is something acted out in a microsleep (meaning, the person is not conscious). According to parents and old roommates, I carry on full conversations. Sometimes it's obvious (I'll say something like, "What about those logical think tanks?" out of context) that I am not awake, but most of the time I seemed lucid. My dad use to throw advance math at me to "check" if was awake. Apparently I can do math in my sleep. I say apparently because I don't remember doing any of this.

Also, should anyone try to wake me up, if I do hit automatic behavior, I tend to be fairly nasty. Once, the word 'hysterical' was used. Again, no memory of this. I'm not sure why, but I think it has something to do with possible similarities to sleep paralysis (which tends to be frightening) - automatic behavior could be a similar experience (I don't know b/c I don't remember it) which would trigger very very VERY negative, even panicked, behavior.

I won't write down what I said, but according to an old friend, I said something particularly vindictive once, something that he insisted was "targeted" to upset him. I was confused because what he repeated back to me wasn't something I ever really think, let alone something I'd say out loud. I said something like, "You know how a woman giving birth my say things that are terrible? It's not just the pain; it's also the hormones and sleeplessness and all the stress on the body." I think I convinced him with that. I'm not sure he really believed I was asleep when I said it, though.

I know that people like to make assumptions about psychological elements. (i.e. some people assume that a drunk person is more likely to tell the truth, when in actuality a drunk person only has lowered inhibitions - it's far from a truth serum, esp. if the individual has high inhibition against lying) Do everyone a favor, including yourself: DO NOT TAKE THE COMMENTS AS PART OF THE CONSCIOUSNESS. Modern psychology has promoted the idea that subconscious/unconscious ideas and elements in the brain could "accidentally fall out" in certain situations, even when conscious choices would stop the person from expressing them. This is unfortunately a widely accepted (and assumed) idea. I say unfortunately because people with rare disorders (and people who have disorders that are misunderstood) are often subjected to these assumptions when they don't apply. Me shouting something very unpleasant to a close friend is closer to a manifestation of one of my worst nightmares unfolding than some unconscious opinion I don't express because I am too "nice."

I only write the above paragraph because I have had more than one person insist that things I (apparently) expressed in automatic behavior "must be true" (and worse, somehow "more true" than my conscious statements the next day). When a close friend decides they have new insight on your inner landscape because of an event from a neurochemical disorder and you can't even get them to consider they might be wrong --- let's just say it's extremely frustrating!

I'm glad you are dedicated to learning more about narcolepsy. I wish more of my family & friends would do the same.

This post has me thinking... My ex would always say I said this or that... and I would say no that never happened, an example:

I met these comedians at a bar, me along with 5 or so friends got to go to their show for free and hang out with them after. The hotel had a pool and the 8 of us jumped in fully clothed... (pictures of us fully clothed on facebook) the ex tells me recently that I told him we were skinny dipping and I had a thing for the married one and was all over him??... neither of the guys were married... I did however go on a couple of dates with the other guy (not the "married" one)

I get mad at him saying no your story is way off... why are you making these things up, why would I tell you I wanted a married guy... and go skinny dipping with 8+ people in an outside hotel pool... nooooooo I DO NOT THINK SO!!!

Maybe I was asleep and told the story all wrong? No, I am pretty sure he was just a jealous ass and changed the story to upset me!

This post has me thinking... My ex would always say I said this or that... and I would say no that never happened, an example:

I met these comedians at a bar, me along with 5 or so friends got to go to their show for free and hang out with them after. The hotel had a pool and the 8 of us jumped in fully clothed... (pictures of us fully clothed on facebook) the ex tells me recently that I told him we were skinny dipping and I had a thing for the married one and was all over him??... neither of the guys were married... I did however go on a couple of dates with the other guy (not the "married" one)

I get mad at him saying no your story is way off... why are you making these things up, why would I tell you I wanted a married guy... and go skinny dipping with 8+ people in an outside hotel pool... nooooooo I DO NOT THINK SO!!!

Maybe I was asleep and told the story all wrong? No, I am pretty sure he was just a jealous ass and changed the story to upset me!

Who knows!

Some people are just like that (Your Ex). They try to create a reality distortion field around them that always swings things in their favor. I had a "friend" that would say one thing and mean another. But when I called them on what they were opaquely implying or mentioned it to someone else, they would be all "I didn't say that! You're putting words in my mouth." Basically, it was their way of being an antagonistic asshole, then being able to go back later and deny all knowledge, therefore making me look like the dick. We all have selective memory that conveniences us in ways, but some jerks deliberately strive to rewrite history.

Very common with N. She's young and hasn't been on her meds long im guessing? My first few years while I was learning to function as an adult with my N and my meds I was a terror to my girlfriend at the time. Just know that she doesn't mean it, and that once shes awake and functional she'll be back to vocalizing her emotions a bit clearer lol.

Scheduled for sleep study next week and on trial pack of nuvigil. Husband told me in front if our son that I went to get ny cell knocked his on the floor breaking it then tossed it at him and went outside with mine. I hve no recollection. I saw his cracked phone the next day and seriously thought, finally I am not the only one that keeps dropping and cracking phones. Hevsaid I do thst a lot. Rudelyv dsregarding him and walking away after saying something mean or getting angry. That I promise to do things then just sleep. I was convinced he continuously didn't tell me about his plans and was living in this r/t thinking he just didn't bother to tell me things when he would swear we talked about them before. I am beginning to doubt my ability to tell fact from fiction here. This is scarier than those hypno dreams. Wth is thiscn and is it going to destroy my work my marriage my sanity? Employees remind me of mtgs and other responsibilities I said I would attend to and I was convinced they were the ones with the memory issues.I can battle the sleep attacks, paralysis etc but the automatic behaviors have me scared witless.

Yes yes yes yes!! I am the mom of a 17 yo with narcolepsy, and like you I've had to learn SO MUCH about narcolepsy. I can't tell you how many times he has "talked" in his sleep, and said all sorts of things. Believe me, I go in 3:30 AM every school morning to give him Adderall so he can get up later - I'm very familiar with him asleep. His chatter has ranged from the obviously silly, to just grunts, to times where I have had entire conversations with him that made sense - I would have sworn he was awake and talking coherently - only to find out later that has no memory of the conversation. This has caused big problems in the morning (mainly before Adderall), when I talk to him and think he is finally awake, only to have him tell me he has no memory of me even coming in. He can even get quite insistent in his sleep, like a couple of nights ago - several times he said, increasingly insistent "MOM!! I really need my computer!!" but then next morning, he is clueless about why he would say that. We simply have an understanding now that unless he is upright, walking and has been doing so for a bit, then I can't trust him. I don't mean that in a bad way, just that we know he will talk, grump, be mean and have absolutely no memory of it. This has happened in the afternoon, when i am trying to wake him up as he requested, and he will tell me very clearly that it's all good, he can sleep another hour. Later when he is really awake he is upset that I believed him. Sigh.... But the weird stuff...it is like how you and I dream and have dreams that will make us say "Where on earth did that come from!! Why would I ever dream that!! I would never_______________ in real life!!!!!" - and yet we dreamed it. Well, they have the same weird dreams, but are far more likely to talk and say what is going on. It doesn't mean anything. I remember the first year I was married (it has been 26 years now!) and apparently I spoke the name of an ex-boyfriend in my sleep. I didn't remember dreaming about him, hadn't been thinking about him... but hubby was quite unhappy. I felt bad, but I can honestly say I didn't mean anything by it.

Conversely, DS has had times where he came to me later, very much awake for sure, and had to ask, "Did XYZ really happen? Did you say that?" because he has no idea if it was a dream or not when the subject matter could have maybe happened but he is fuzzy about it. I know it frustrates him, but not much I can do about it. He will be ready to swear that I was standing by his bed and told him something, but for a fact it didn't happen. It was very hard before he started on Adderall, when he was going to school and having these episodes - dreaming nonsense in class and yet knowing it couldn't really be happening, or thinking something happened but not sure that it really did because just maybe it did, or the teacher/friends saying "Why did you say XYZ? Is that what you really think??" and he had no memory of it. I can't imagine how frustrating that would be to live with...

I really do understand what you mean though.. it can be hard to see your loved one being mean, snarly, saying strange things, and not think it must be from their subconscious. He has felt awful when I asked him later - "Do you remember saying XYZ?" and 9.5/10 times he stares at me blankly. It is worse the more tired he is (speaking of.. meds tonight should be interesting...). Sometimes he will have a very vague memory - much like I will sometimes remember just the barest snippet of a dream, barely enough to remember I had it. I figure that I'm really glad I don't talk in my sleep and have people knowing everything I dreamed, and just give him a little leeway since he can't help it. You've been great, taking the time to learn more. I know that I read so much about narcolepsy after the doc pronounced his suspicion, but there is nothing like living with a PWN to begin to see the myriad ways it can impact their life. I know I can't totally understand it, but I try. I figure all parties need plenty of understanding, and it is definitely an journey with lots of ups and downs along the way.

My husband does this AAAALLLL the time. He is the most mild-mannered sweet guy, but when he is in "micro-sleep" he tells people to "F**k off" and he's going to kick their *ss. Then, when most people waking up from a dream recall what they were dreaming about, he has no idea. Sometimes we have had minutes-long conversations before I realize he's not awake. He can also become very agitated and mean. Now that I'm used to it, I don't wake him or ask him about it. If I notice he's becoming too agitated I'll gently rub his back or something and all is good.

Hey everyone, been lurking for a while but finally decided to post something in here.

First of all great thread. I'm also a boyfriend living with my girlfriend of coming up on 4 years and had very similar experiences to OP. I've come to this forum and read this before and it's been a big help.

So what got me to post today...? I guess mostly I'm just looking for advice on ways I can help her deal with her N, especially in this case, and ways I can do my best to act in an understanding way. I try my best to be understanding but I'm not in always acting it and the lines between automatic behavior and conscious behavior make it hard to tell at times. For us, it happens mostly at night when my girlfriend is falling asleep. In some cases it's obvious because she's fallen asleep and woken back up or said some off the wall stuff as well. In those cases, I just get her to bed or as comfy on the couch as best I can. When it happens in a non-obvious way where transition from conscious to automatic behavior isn't so clear, a directed comment can be hard not to take personally as we've had our history like any couple so distinguishing it isn't always clear. We love our concerts and other late night events so avoiding those kind of situations isn't always possible. Anything you guys have to help avoid that occurring when we do know we will be out late? Or even just more subtle cues that it might be automatic behavior?

And I guess one more thing to say... if you are dealing with a significant other who struggles to understand and it's creating issues in your relationship, please don't lose sight of the fact he/she is making the effort to understand. If they are not, then cutting them out might be the best option, but if you can sit down and have a heart to heart about the fact that it isn't predictable and it's an unfortunate aspect of N that isn't always so obvious then see what you can accomplish as a team. I've seen some comments about how a lot people have been through the relationship where their SO made no effort and that's made them very apprehensive about the next SO that shows any indication of not understanding. As I've seen many say, a lot of people imagine N the way movies depict it the first time they find out and describing each and every aspect for they are ready for it all, well it just isn't possible. If there are issues, show them this forum and network because there's plenty of medical info etc out there about N but some of the biggest help for me in a better understanding has been in reading these forums and hearing other people's stories. So thanks as well!

Interests:Drinking lots of energy drinks, playing video games, and sleeping.

Posted 15 January 2015 - 02:26 AM

I'm sorry but I'm totally laughing. Some replies are just too relatable.
I've been there, but not on your side. She's lucky to have you. Knowing that you understand means more than you will ever know.

If she says she doesn't remember, she doesn't. I've woken up with a half eaten Pop Tart on my chest and a plate smeared in ketchup across from me. I was really hoping I had something other than the Pop Tart with the ketchup.
I've woken up boyfriends with sleep terrors by screaming, hitting them, throwing blankets off, and swearing that spiders were covering the walls.
I've been told a lot of strange things I have said and done, but have absolutely no recollection. I have to laugh because it sounds so ridiculous sometimes.

I know for me that the time when I first fall asleep is pretty touch and go. I can slip right into REM, but jolt awake because I woke myself up doing something like yelling, flailing, or whatever.

The most special thing a boyfriend ever did for me was spend the weekend sleeping. Watch Netflix, nap, eat junk food, nap. I ♥ sleep

Most recently my boyfriend saw me getting super sleepy at 10 am on Sunday and he just handed me my earplugs and eyemask, turned off my lamp and said "there's nothing wrong with needing a nap, you have narcolepsy." 😘😴
Coincidentally he has Asperger's so we both have the pleasure of being with a partner who is neurologically challenged (both dx in the two short years we've been dating) 😋 His difficulty taking my perspective and my general crankiness don't aways mesh well, but overall we have compassion and empathy for each other. Most of the time...
The other thing he does well is give me a lot of space and quiet alone time when I'm drained from work or need to rest and recharge. I had to start saying no a lot more to going out to social events or staying out too late. Tough for a lifelong night owl.