Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Help! My Heart is Running Amuck Outside of My Body!

Anyone who has ever had a child knows what I am talking about.

This.....

My heart. My first true love.

Do you see that smile?

It's infectious.

Those eyes?

My heart has started kindergarten this year and it continues to be a struggle. For me. Not him. I am learning to let go little by little and I am fighting it tooth and nail. You see, how do you protect your heart when it is running rampant outside your body? How do you protect your heart when you can't be there all the time to guide it?

I have arranged my schedule at work so that I am available every day to pick my heart up from school. Every day we have the same conversations and he gets so frustrated with me.How was your day?Who did you play with?Was anyone mean today?Were you on green, yellow or red?What did you have for lunch?How was your special?Did you get recess today?Did you have to walk the track today?And now, I get to ask him were you left outside alone today after recess?

Oh yes, my heart was left. alone. outside. after recess was over. And to think I just happen to stumble upon this conversation yesterday when I picked him up. I mean, really, who thinks to ask their child if they were left. alone. outside. while at school? Well, now you will, just as I will.

I was at school first thing this morning to speak with his teacher, to get her side of the story and as I expected she down played how I was feeling. She is young, probably 25 at best, just married, no children and so no heart running around outside her body. She doesn't know what it feels like to leave your heart in the care of someone else trusting, praying, that they will be fine and you will see them again at the end of the day. Unharmed. Unscathed. Happy. But one day she will. One day she will become a better teacher for it. Until then, I have to trust that she really is doing a head count when the children come and go from the classroom. I have to trust her when she says it was only for a minute. Right now, I have to trust that she really does care about my heart.

And one day, in the not so distant future, my heart is going to break once again as I start to let go of this one.

About Me

I am the mother of two very active little boys and a delightful baby girl. I am 6 years into this and more sleep deprived that I ever knew I could be yet more fulfilled as a person that I ever knew existed. Come along with me while I navigate motherhood one breath at a time.

Buddy Rover

Baby B

My third born. My adoration. She is full of wonder. Happy. Cuddly. So far has proven to be equal opportunity of mommy-one or daddy-one.She is absolutely the daddy-one. Ha! Ha! Things are swingin' back my way!