Erm, what? Why does he want to be your friend on FB then?! My first thought was that he wanted to nose around your profile before meeting up again, but if he wasn't interested why would he try to re-friend you?

My mind, she is baffled.

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“Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.”Morris Kline (mathematician, author) 1908-1992

The latest drama reminds me of being in high school. You should think a 37 yr old guy is somewhat more mature, but i guess not.

About a month ago i was a birthday party of a friend of a friend. I met a guy, and he turned out to be quite cool. I slept at his place (some fooling around). The next morning there was more fooling around and after that we just talked and he showed me some of his record releases (he runs a record label). It was all very laid back and i was in a good mood all day after i left.

At first i wrote it off as one-time fun. When i thought about it some more, i decided to give it a chance. I felt i wanted to put myself out there, trying to get to know him better. I sent him a message via fb, asking if he would like to get together sometime, for a drink (after congratulating him with his birthday and about how i visited his website to see what he was doing-you know, some in depth stuff that i hoped would convey that i sincerely cared). He sent me a message in return, asking if we could become fb friends 'before talking about drinks'. I complied, stating in my friend request that coffee would be fine, too.

So, you know where this is heading, right? I never heard from him again. I'm not really interested in collecting friends on fb, especially when they're one night stands. I decided to wait a little. When i hadn't heard anything in 2 weeks i deleted him.Last week i got a friend request from him. So he wants to be friends on fb, but he can't be bothered to answer a simple question?? I deleted his request.

Yesterday i got a message from a friend of his, i know this friend, and he's a nice guy. He asked if i was mad at 'M'. I couldn't believe it. I refuse to engage in this high school drama so i sent back 'no'. Because i'm not mad. I now know for sure that 'M' is a giant douche.

I mean, it makes for great girl talk, but i'm getting a bit tired of all the childish behaviour when it comes to certain men.

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"It was when I found out I could make mistakes that I knew I was on to something"- Ornette Coleman

So I totally forgot to message that girl the other day and just messaged her now. Other than that, no news.

Lately I've been dreaming of a suave butch who'll court me oldschool and take me for rides on her motorcycle and open doors for me and treat me like a princess. All the cute butches I meet seem to be in committed relationships, including the one who tried to pick me up a couple years back when I wasn't interested, and the one who hit on me at pride last week.

No joy on PoF lately - no messages, nor any people worth messaging. I've hung out with that girl a couple of times now. She's doing a little better breakup-wise, talks less about her ex now, and she's nice enough to hang out with. Probably won't make a regular thing of it, but it's nice to broaden my social horizons a little. I've always tended to have super-intense close friendships, and this whole casual friendship thing is a bit of a novel concept to me. Kinda starting to see the value in it, though.

I just want someone to make out with. Sex is optional, as is the relationship. I just crave that closeness, without all the accompanying complications. I'm still debating whether or not I should approach my friend R with the proposal of a FWB arrangement. We drunkenly kissed last night at a pride party and I want moooooore...

(((doxy))) ouch. That sucks. Is the living arrangement the only thing standing between you two?

ETA: a cute girl just added me as a favourite on PoF like an hour ago, and I'm pretty sure she's the girl I keep running into at work and around the neighbourhood. So that's kind of exciting. I shall keep you all posted on new developments! One thing that worries me is that I'm pretty sure she's got a boyfriend. So she must be doing the poly thing. I don't have a problem with poly relationships, but people are complicated, and I have a very low tolerance for complication. It's all I can do to cope with one person. That's one of the reasons why I have hardly any friends. Geez, look at me getting ahead of myself here...I'll send her a message tomorrow and find out what's up, if she's actually the girl I know, and then...we'll see.

Doxy, man, that's rough. Keep posting here if you need to for your own sanity.

QUOTE(jpeb808 @ Jul 1 2010, 07:32 PM)

It just creeps up on you when you have no idea. Hang in there ladies....

Yeah, well, while I have subscribed to this motto for some time, I know that I have not been proactive in putting myself out there. I've been too passive, and quite honestly, lazy in the dating arena this year.

Persi, still messaging with some guys. I spoken to 2 guys by the phone. There is 1 guy that I really like so I'm hoping something will develop there. I just remember all of those silly emotions that dating stir up. Silly, insecure emotions. But, as my friend told me last night, you have to get through the bad ones in order to find the right partner. Dude, some guys cannot even spell correctly on their profiles or messages. Or, they do the "hey sexy" in the message. Um, yeah, keep moving...definitely some of the annoying aspects of dating.

Oh my god...all I wanted to do was log into bust to say how much of a moron I am for falling in love with my roommate...and I read jpeb's post.My roommate is the prettiest girl I ever see all day, and I work in a bar and see people every day that I've never seen before.Ugh, frustrating. We made out last weekend and stayed in the same room, but agreed we shouldn't do it again.Killing me, I am in love with her. I'm a moron.

epi- I'm sorry your experience has gone that direction. I have been on a few dating sites and having met a bunch of guys over the years who were just not worth it, I was feeling prepared to just give it all up. I met the most recent/long term ex on cupid. And you all have listened to me whine enough to know how that went Excellent recognizing the red flags and backing off and self preservation. !!!!And stargazer- keep going the way you are, and be picky. You have every right. It is your life to be picky with and allow in only the people you deem worthy. A friend of mine told me recently about sharing too much too soon and how I worry and all- he pointed the fact out about choosing someone to be worthy of my life. It is so true busties. Hugs and moral support all around.

The girl just went through the typical protracted lesbian breakup scenario, which seems to happen in stages (initial breakup, which proves to be too sad and scary, followed by a tentative, heavily compromised reunion, followed by much fighting and negotiating the terms of the relationship while pretending everything's OK, with neither side willing to acknowledge the fact that the relationship is already over, until eventually one person is too hurt to go on any longer...yeah, I earned my PhD in this shit last year). It was in the final stages when we met, and has since ended for good. Now she's looking (quite aggressively) for a rebound. I might be friends with her, if I can find a way to cope with that kind of intensity, but there's not a chance in hell that I'd let someone so volatile get any closer. Broadcasting personal shit like that all over the place is a sign of neediness, too. That clingy girl I used to date, the one who wouldn't leave me alone, does the same thing.

If it weren't for the handful of important connections I have on FB with people whom I have no other means of contacting, I'd just delete my profile. I'm not sociable enough for all the shit that goes along with it.

...just getting into the whole "dating" aspect of single life again and am finding it frustrating already.

Congrats on getting back into the dating scene, epinephrine! You've been through so much in the past year. I'm very proud of you. If anything, this woman reminded you of the type of person you don't want to be with.

After spending a year whining and complaining about being single and seeing my friends positive results with online dating, I've entered the foray of online dating again. After much debate with myself if I do well online, I realized that the majority of close friends that I've created and invited into my life is the result of social networking sites. *cough*the Lounge*cough* So, that argument went out the window. I figured that joining 2 dating sites would be my way of telling the universe I'm ready to date and meet a partner. So, I'm handling things like I handled my current job, I'm just being open and seeing where things end up. And if things end up as awesome as the current gig I landed, then I'm going to meet someone cool.

That being said, dude, I forgot how much the dating process can be so awkward. I joined Match and Chemistry where I'm messaging with a couple of men right now. There are some men who are a definite no. I question if I am being too picky. At the same time, I am remembering my mistakes in the choices I was making in my past dating life. And I'm trying to be aware of red flags ahead of time. Hopefully, I can have some dates lined up for when I move.

So, I joined POF and messaged a girl who sounded awesome. The next day, I logged onto FB and there she was on my live feed - turns out we have not one, but two mutual friends. Which I kinda expected, cause the city I live in isn't huge and the lesbian community here is really small and incestuous. Anyway, after messaging back and forth a couple of times, we added each other on Facebook and eventually managed to find time to meet up for tea and a walk. We met outside Starbucks, and by the time we'd gone inside and ordered our drinks she was already talking about her ex. And she didn't stop. I barely got to say 5 words over the next hour as she just went on and on about her emotionally codependent relationship with her ex. Whom, it turns out, I was in elementary school with. I tried to steer the conversation in some other direction, but she was relentless. She finally seemed to run out of steam on that topic, and we eventually managed to have a real conversation which was quite pleasant. But now, via FB and several more conversations with her, I'm noticing just how much of a compulsive baggage-dumper she is, and...ugh. One of those people who uses their "like" button to attack people and posts status updates which are quite explicitly directed at people and just generally treats their friends as an audience for their personal affairs. I know she's going through a rough time and I did actually like her, but I'm too polite and I've already spent too much of my life getting sucked in by people like that. I don't want to be that sucker anymore. That kind of behaviour is not just unattractive, it's a huge red flag for someone like me who's really not up to the challenge.

Anyway, perhaps this belonged in the "Say What" thread...just getting into the whole "dating" aspect of single life again and am finding it frustrating already.

My cousin is on Lavalife and has so far just had duds and now she really likes one guy intellectually but has no attraction to him physically and is not sure what to do.

Yeah I've had the issue before where I had a great cyber-relationship with someone but when we actually met we had no chemistry whatsoever and the relationship pretty much fizzled. Now I try to meet the other person as soon as possible so I can avoid that scenario.

I wish I knew, princess. One of my friends met her boyfriend on plenty of fish but so far I have just been getting messages from weird guys. I don't really check my profile unless they send me a notice that I have received a message from someone.

My cousin is on Lavalife and has so far just had duds and now she really likes one guy intellectually but has no attraction to him physically and is not sure what to do.