SHAMBHALA SUN MArcH 2009 31
can. But when you’re self-conscious, you’re
comparing. you’re experiencing jealousy,
pride, embarrassment, envy—emotions that
aren’t skillful and lead to separation between
self and other. Basically, the Buddha did
the exact opposite of the self-esteem move-
ment. He said to focus on your actions and
the consequences of your actions, and if you
don’t reach the consequences that you’re
aiming for, then check out what happened.
But don’t focus back on yourself because
when you do, it increases your suffering.
is Buddhism all we need to get us out of the
self-esteem trap?
The Buddha taught that our karma is the
result of our intentional actions and that
we have to learn how to govern ourselves
to do good things. But Buddhism lacks an
understanding of human development, so
it is well-supplemented by developmental
psychology and psychoanalytic psychology,
which look at how autonomy develops. On
the other hand, Buddhism contributes a lot
in understanding how to develop interde-
pendence. you’re always imbedded in rela-
tionships and environments that you’re not
separate from. If you don’t see how you’re
imbedded, then it’s hard to feel confident
because you end up in situations where
you’re in conflict with that imbedded-ness.
What can gen-Me individuals do to shift
their way of thinking?
Be flexible. develop resilience by recog-
nizing how and when you need to take
responsibility. recognize that to be the
most confident and happy person you
can be, you need to cooperate and share,
because helping yourself also means help-
ing others. understand that you can’t get
the answers by just looking into your own
head and replaying “what if this and what
if that?” Try to see yourself as an ordinary
human being like everyone else. All of us
are struggling to find happiness and avoid
suffering. nobody gets away with having
an easy life. If you’re here, it’s difficult.
That’s cheerful.
It’s also true. It’s the first noble truth. ♦
A chief lineage holder of the Karma Kagyu
Retreat for beginner to intermediate level practition-
ers of Mahayana and Vajrayana Buddhism