Priced Out?

“Scott I’ve got a question for you: I have a budget set for $$ and if the provider charges less than that I give them the full $$. If I spend more than that I feel that I have a problem and would have a lot of explaining to the S.O. for draining the bank acct. Which leads me to my predicament.

I have this chick hitting my inbox that I’ve seen since RB wanting to get together. My problem is she went from $140 to $600 and is now out of my league. What should I do or tell her?” — Anonymous IG follower

This is an interesting situation, and brings up more than one issue. [Hold on folks, this is going to be a long one!]

The short answer to your question is to just be honest about the situation. A $460 rate increase is no small thing and she should be able to accept the barrier that it creates. A simple, but polite message explaining to her that her current rate is outside of your budget–but also thanking her for reaching out–is all you really need to do.

But your dilemma, as it is, brings up a very serious issue within Transactional Sex today: Clients being “priced out” of the game.

Rates have gone up in recent years. That is just a fact of life. Call it an effect of inflation. Most everything has gotten more expensive and–as the news often reports–incomes have generally not kept pace with the increases in the costs of products and services. This is true in the regular marketplace and in the sex marketplace.

But an increase from $140 to $600 an hour is more than just market inflation. That is a 233% increase. That is a lot. The old rate you mention is well within a common range for those days, perhaps on the lower (more client friendly) part of the range. So an increase between then and now would be fully reasonable. If it was to $250, maybe even $300. But not $600. That is a different price range.

She obviously is marketing herself at a higher level than she did in the past. And it could be entirely reasonable that she has changed the price range that she is working in. I have to assume that she has made some changes to her services, hosting style, or other such thing as to warrant moving up the ranges like that.

But that brings us back to her contacting you. She is looking for your business, despite the fact that she is no longer in the price range that she was when you previously knew each other. She may not know it, but she has out priced your budget, and likely the budgets of most of her past clients.

This is a problem that has been ongoing for the past couple of years. Many Sex Workers are continually increasing their rates, and doing so at pace that their existing clients cannot necessarily match. While some are willing to “grandfather in” past clients at existing rates, this is often only for a short time. But eventually they end up pricing out many of their clients, including regular clients.

I know that I have personally been priced out by a number of ladies that I have seen in the past. They have moved beyond my humble budget. And I admit that this has been frustrating.

Sex Workers have the right to charge whatever they want. It’s their right. They set the prices. But there is also the reality of any business market that there is a point at which the consumer will eventually reach a price barrier. A place where the consumer just says “NO”, and won’t accept the higher rates.

When that point is reached, the Sex Workers will either have to reconsider their rates or risk losing so many clients that they cannot reach their financial goals or needs. This would be called a “market adjustment”. Are we coming to such a market adjustment? I don’t know. What I do know is that there are a lot of clients who are vocally expressing the realities they face in not being able to afford the higher rates we are seeing these days.

Many Sex Workers these days take offense when potential clients express an opinion that rates are too high. They feel that they are being isolated by “cheap” men. And in some cases they are. But in many cases, it is not about the men being “cheap”, it’s about the financial reality of a clients budget. There has to be some sort of balance between rates and budgets, or there just will be fewer and fewer sessions booked.

Advice to Clients

Guys (and lady clients), you are going to face similar situations to what those that our friend about is facing. Ladies that you might like to see, but they have priced you out. It’s a reality. How you deal with it is up to you.

Don’t be rude about it. And don’t try to bargain the ladies down–most Sex Workers find that highly offensive. But you can be honest. If you are communicating with a Worker and they quote you a rate that is out of your budget, just be politely honest and say “sorry, but that is outside of my current budget.” And then move on.

Don’t insult Sex Workers or call them names or blast them online for their rates. Show a little grace, even if you are very frustrated. If you are respectful, then you might get lucky down the road if she should reconsider her rates. If you’re rude, she won’t see you in the future no matter what her rates are.

Advice to Sex Workers

For you professionals, I also advise you not to get angry when potential clients say that your rates are too high. Most of the time it’s not an insult, just a fiscal reality.

But I also want to take this chance to advise you to take a look at your rates. What you charge is your business, but it is YOUR BUSINESS. I have witnessed many, many ladies talking online about what they are “worth”. You need to take a real look at that. In this industry it can be easy to confuse self-worth with business-worth.

Every single one of you should work hard to have a high self-worth. That is critically important to your well being. Self-worth is connected to self-esteem. The most successful Sex Workers have very high self-esteem and self-worth. This helps give them the ability to navigate the many hardships of this profession.

But your business-worth–the value of your service–may not be the same. I know this may not be something that many Sex Workers want to hear, especially from a hobbyist, but it is a reality that quite a few Sex Workers are charging more than what their business is truly worth. [Please don’t hate me for stating that.] The proof of this is often found in how many Sex Workers are struggling financially. While there are many reasons for you ladies to struggle, your business model is likely a major factor.

All I am really trying to say is that you need to separate your emotions from your finances. You need to be dispassionate when analyzing your actual business. This is true for anyone who runs a business. It doesn’t matter if you are an accountant or a Sex Worker, you need to look at the tangible value of your services separately from your self-worth and self-identity.

A Lot To Take In

I know this post has a lot to take in. Some people are likely very upset by some of the things I’ve written here. Many of you might think I’ve gone far beyond answering the original question.

I have. Because that question brought up a very serious issue that WILL impact out community going forward. These are things that need to be discussed.

I invite any of you with an opinion to comment on this post. If you comment, please do not do so in any nasty or disrespectful manner. Let’s have an honest, but respectful discussion of these issues.

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3 comments

Great article, and I have talked to several “ buddies” in the hobby that mention the same thing…..that many of us are having to reduce the amount of providers we see because of the increased rates.

One thing you did not mention, but is important: many of us are also reducing the number of NEW providers we see. If we in the hobby can only afford 1 session a month ( because rates have increased significantly lately), many of them are choosing a lady we already know, and have some rapport with. I love to meet new ladies, but can not afford the cost of a “ bad session” when I have the budget for only one session a month.

This is an interesting topic…..good job bringing it to light for discussion!

Good post, I also find myself in this dilemma multiple times. One thing that I noticed is that sometimes a lady might charge more and that’s because pricing has certain bonuses baked in. For example bbj . What if you are not interested in that bonus but wanted to see the lady again? I prefer providers who separate their packages appropriately. For example, the would offer GFE separately.

Thanks for bringing up this topic. I know it’s a difficult one to discuss.

Personally, my rates have changed tremendously over the past 4 years. It’s been a challenging but necessary process for me. Of course I want to keep my work accessible, but I also have to be very clear, especially as I grow my business, about what it truly takes to make this work 100% sustainable for me.

There are many factors that I’ve had to consider and run numbers on to determine what my tribute needs to be in order to keep this machine running properly. These factors include (but are not limited to) the exorbitant cost of advertising in this post-FOSTA/SESTA world, the rising cost of incall space rentals, the investment required to regularly produce high end imagery, the cost of trainings and workshops to continue expanding my body of knowledge and honing my craft, the energetic output required to wear every hat as an entrepreneur, the energetic output required in my session and healing work, the basic costs of living in the most expensive part of the country, proper healthcare, and all the costs associated with maintaining a vessel such as the one I possess.

Oftentimes, I think hobbyists are not aware of everything that goes into considering raising our rates. It’s not just about the “worth” of our particular erotic service offerings – it’s all the other things that it takes to run an independent business, too.

At the end of the day, the concept of “expensive” and whether or not a particular type of experience is “worth it” is undeniably subjective. Some folks don’t want to pay more than 250/hr for *anything* in this industry (and those folks are just simply not my clients). And some folks are thrilled to contribute whatever it is that I’m currently requiring. Whether or not my new rates are worth it for someone is something only they can determine. I also deeply understand the importance of being wise and responsible with one’s finances, and would not begrudge a fiscal decision on a client’s part to fulfill their desires elsewhere. What I’ve learned is that the experience, healing, and connection I provide is completely unique to me – something that only I can give to people, and if someone desires it, they will find a way to make that a reality for themselves, even if it means saving up or budgeting for it.

At the end of the day, what is most important and present for me is that right now I LOVE this work, and the way I get to keep loving it is for it to be 100% sustainable. And I am 100% committed to loving it!