What Low Carb Dieters Dream About

I have been working diligently on my newest project which is all about my vacation in Washington this summer. I needed a break, and wow, was a presented with an opportunity for that just now…

Want to know a few things about me? Okay! First thing I will share with you is that I am a member of a club called Swag Bucks. It’s a site where you get paid real money (pennies) to watch ads, take surveys, etc. etc. I do this often, and it has netted me a little bit of spending money here and there.

I am also on a diet. Well, right now I’m not because of returning from vacation and just failing to get back into the routine. The diet is a low carb diet that has netted me a modest bit of success. I enjoy the diet, but I do miss out on my favorite foods.

These two tidbits of information are merely frames for the discussion I am about to have with you about crazy things that people do that I falsely say “I don’t get it.” Because understanding this, knowing why, actually longing for this to happen would label me as some sort of social leper. (My political beliefs, vericose veins, out of control adult language, coarse sense of humor and general angry face already kind of establishes that).

Anyhow, if you want to keep reading I warn you now. I am going to probably write adult words that hurt your moralistic ear drums. If you can’t handle biblical words like damn, ass, and bastard – it only gets worse from here.

Click the gif if you want to go down the rabbit hole…

You may be saying “John, what the fuck, dude?” I completely understand. I too was whatthefucked when I saw this video pop up on my Swagbucks video playlist. I have been watching playlists from the Saveur food blog for about 8 pennies every 20 videos (13 minutes). I saw the video below:

Now, I understand at first view you may be confused. You may feel a little overwhelmed. What has society come to? Why is this a thing? Not only is it a thing. it apparently blew up on a lot of big media sites: NYTimes, Life, etc. All that fake news that our president is always talking about. I did a double take. I wanted to know why people would do this. I looked it up.

People just like the way bread feels, and breadfacing is a new way to appreciate bread without ruining your ass. In other words, these people are doing what I, after 9 days of no carbs, have wet dreams about doing. Rolling your face in a loaf of delicious bread. In reflection, however, I may be a bit more macabre about my approach to breadfacing if I were to partake. Because after I rolled my fat mug around those heavenly loaves, I would then eat them immediately. I go hard.

However, deep into my investigation of this phenomenon, I stumbled upon this video:

I was close to trying this out. Then children, being children, do what they do best. They ruin shit. This awkward and cringe worthy clip of kids cannibalizing what appears to be crumbly cake (SAY IT ALL TEN TIMES FASTER THAN YOU JUST DID!) made me think “well, guess that’s dumb. Like fidget spinners.”