Revised Doomstone Award Nominations

The revised list of nominations and categories for the Doomstone awards. Get your nominations and category suggestions in as soon as possible, the awards will take place some time in March or April.

The award for most pathetic weapon use

Holders: All members of the A Team.

1. Oakshadow for her pathetic attempts to defeat four puny snotlings. 2. Getz for ridiculously attempting to use his heavy crossbow at point blank range where it would be completely ineffective 3. Oakshadow’s pathetic attempt to assassinate the helpless orc shaman4. Digger’s general uselessness with his bow

The award for best Cheating.

Holder: Hans Peter for his use of Zone of Tastiness on Ready Steady Cook.

1. Snorri for use of fortune points on every failed roll2. Digger for using transparent dice3. Oakshadow for use of a pink diary and undead4. Digger for fixing these awards5. Snorri for forgetting to remind the GM when his doomstone immunities were not functioning.

Best driving

Holder: Drengi. (Everybody mad)

1. Dr Quackers for being the only driver I can think of.2 Snorri for completely exasperating everybody3. Oakshadow also driving the party to drink and worse

Best excuse

Joint Holders: Karl for ‘Yes officer I can assure you that blood on my sword was just a shaving accident I had this morning.’ Calin with ‘Well you are my ninth woman tonight’Hans Peter with ‘Well of course I haven’t totally perfected that one yet, but I dare say it may grow back eventually.’

1. Snorri for ‘How was I to know the doomstone would do that. Again?2. Oakshadow for ‘Hey the dead just love me I can’t help it if they insist on crossing over from the other side to do my every bidding.’3. The elf with ‘Hey all these trees look alike it’s not my fault we’re lost’4. Snorri with ‘I don’t know where they came from, any way, they could come in very handy, I hope this isn’t some sort of namby pamby liberal anti four armed and bearded creatures agenda.’5. Oakshadow with ‘Well you guys were bickering so pointlessly it probably did you good to suddenly have my wight try to kill you.6. Getz with ‘Sorry about that, he still gets the command for him to shake paws slightly mixed up with the command to rip your throat out.’7. Owen with ‘It’s not my fault; you said disarm the trap by cutting the greyish blue wire, how was I to know that was the bluish grey wire?’

Best Death scene

Joint Holders:Drengi and Thung jointly for ‘Dwarven toast’ Thung for ‘Reach for the Sky’ Sean Connery in ‘The Untouchables’.

1. Skippy drowned horribly in the minotaur cave2. The Prince assassinated under our (sleeping) noses3. Ulrika, dismembered by beastmen driven from their home by our raid 4. Scar squashed flat by 15 tonnes of doomstone generated rock5. The entire population of the aerie at Winters Teeth Pass with the regrettable exception of Klaus the clownsmith6. The majority of the party whose heads exploded attempting premature egress from Karak Dulfor

Best Last words

Holder: Calis with ‘That roof would stand an earthquake you cissies.’

1. Ulrika: I wonder if that’s my sexy employers that I hear returning from the cave?2. Scarr: ‘Thank goodness the foretold have those strange powerful stones, that’ll soon wipe the smiles off the faces of these goblin and orc scum.’3. The Roostmaster: ‘Don’t worry brethren, remember the prophecy.’

Most stupid behaviour (As usual, this was hotly contested and a tough one to narrow down)

Holder: Drengi for his attempted troll acid harvest

1. Carstein for using his doomstone in the mud filled room as the ogres closed in2. Snorri for using his doomstone and killing Scar 3. John Smith for having his future told and purse lifted by gypsies4. Mr Smith’s suggestion to light a beacon fire on the roof of the tower near the river.5. Digger hails the elf scout with a cry of ‘cooee’ as a giant trapdoor spider attacks6. Carstein for using his doomstone to blow up one of the monastery towers7. The orcs for failing to find us after taking the monastery8. The monks for defending the monastery through an integrated system of working parties, focus groups, extraordinary general meetings and sub committees9. Snorri for grabbing a passing wyvern (some would say quite heroically) during the siege10. Oakshadow for flying off leaving her wight to rampage against us11. Oakshadow using her doomstone and removing the tower floor during the siege12. Getz for injuring most of the party using his doomstone against the orcs of Karak Zulfor13. Snorri for gambling in the monastery where it was expressly forbidden14. Carstein falling down the monastery well15. Oakshadow for destroying the map to the 4th doomstone16. Snorri for deciding to torture valuable information out of the chaos dwarf on a postage stamp sized ledge surrounded by a thousand foot drop.

Best performance in a killing capacity

Holder: L’il, ‘Oh it’s all over – How did I get in the middle of this pile of bodies?’ 1. Snorri for extreme violence in general2. The elf for general high proficiency in the insertion of his arrows in other people

Best Use of Magic

Holder: Darren Brown for that revolver thing

1. Carstein for killing two beastmen behind the waterfall using magic darts2. Carstein for general excellence in rope cutting with darts during the siege3. Oakshadow for probably saving all our necks with her fell necromancy during the siege.

Best Use of plagiarism in a character name

Holder: Vimes

1. Spencer Tracey2. John Smith3. Snorri4. Ulrich

Best at running away when the going gets tough

Holders: Hans Peter & Phlegm

1. John Smith for completely disappearing2. Digger for hanging back continually in the monastery siege and Karak Zulfor3. Getz for the same4. The elf for always hanging back with his bow.5. Oakshadow for flying off whenever the going got tough6 The brief cameo by a halfling whose name we can’t even remember7. The entire party when the orcs attacked just after the assassination of the prince

Most devious

Holder: Phlegm

1. Oakshadow for everything she does and doesn’t do2. Getz for his Machiavellian inspired leadership3. Oakshadow for her attempts to circumvent procedure when the monks held their council of war4. Oakshadow for her survey of the library

Best performance by someone very short

Holder: Danny DeVito

1. Snorri for extreme stuntyness.2. Digger. It is perhaps mercifully, little known that Digger is only two inches taller than everyone’s favourite dwarf.

New awards

Most Gullible

1. Ulrich for practically paying Getz to join the party2. Dr Quackers for swallowing the story about Oakshadow’s wight3. Getz for trusting Oakshadow4. The sea elf for trusting Oakshadow5. Owen for trusting Oakshadow6. The entire party for trusting Flintbrow7. The prince in general, but especially for hiring us as bodyguards and trusting the ‘allies’ who killed him

Climb like a monkey award

1. For falling and nearly breaking his neck climbing up by the waterfall: Digger2. For falling twice and nearly breaking his neck scaling Karak Zulfor: Digger3. Getz for falling off a monastic rooftop and twisting his ankle

Most embarrassing moment

1. The party falling into the water in the entrance cavern behind the waterfall2. Digger almost drowning crossing the river on the Mary Rose3. Digger almost drowning in the Blight minotaur cave4. The elf’s embarrassing attempt at street theatre in Tombstone5. Digger falls flat in mud filled room 6. The moment when a Carstein minor miscast removed the entire party’s clothing in the tomb of Yarazan 7. Snorri’s disastrous attempts to torture Gimbri Flintbrow8. General embarrassment every time it is our own Doomstones that do us the most damage and burn the most fate points.

Most Callous Killing Spree

1. Andilwei for killing the goblin slaves in Karak Zalfur by forcing them into a dwarf cursed trap2. Snorri for throwing the goblin sent to parley for the doomstones from the monastery roof.3. John Smith for even contemplating killing mummy bear and her cubs4. Flintbrow for slaying the three dwarves and blaming goblins5. Oakshadow for her callous disposal of her own undead creations

Best kept secret award

1. Carstein for immediately showing off his doomstone powers to Oakshadow after her rescue2. Gimbri for concealing his chaotic nature3. Snorri for concealing his extra arms, for a while any way4. Getz for masterful concealment of any talent for leadership5. Andilwei for masterful concealment of talent of any description6. Oakshadow for complete indifference to concealment of any part of her evil nature7. Owen for concealment of his profession with for fear of witch hunters, by pretending to be another of equal interest to that fine body of men.8. Digger and Andilwei for concealing their true origins, to the extent that Digger has even fabricated a completely fake accent and imaginary country