On Monday I had no idea what I would be doing for July 4th, 2018. As I was watching Steve Jobs make a graduation address at Stanford University on YouTube I was struck by his statement "Whatever you do today, do it as if it was the last day of your life". At that instant, I decided to visit my daughter some 500 miles away. I made calls and before I knew it, I was packing Tuesday morning and heading out.My life seems to have run in seasons based mostly on where I was at. In my early childhood years we lived on the North side of my hometown and I attended specific schools and so when I think of that home or that school I remember a set of people I knew then and those experiences come to mind. Later we moved to the South side of town and that era is also remembered by where I was. Then we moved several more times during my teen years and each place brings back certain people and experiences. Then I went into the Navy and got quite a bit of travel in and those places have their associated memories. Then college, Then my first house married, then my time at Microsoft and the various houses we lived in and then my retirement and so on.It's strange. So many memories lie with my hometown but if I went there to visit today, not a sole I know would be there. Only buildings I lived or moved in and even some of them may be gone by now. Those things come to mind when I drive by an old fading barn or shack in the country. Who lived there? How many memories are associated with that place?

Now I live on a beautiful ranch with my fortune and wife far from me. Families that used to be so close to me are now dispersed and far away. I struggle to keep what I have left of mine intact but really have no control over it.As I drove to the Seattle area and passed various places, memories associated with those places flooded my mind and those relationships, long gone now, and really impossible to recapture, come to mind.I find myself wondering "what if" on the choices I made in the past. Every relationship we have is either developing or fading and much of it depends on our choices. Who do I visit today? Who do I not visit today?I had a great time with my daughter and grand-daughter on the 4th but was unable to share with my daughter the thoughts I was having - these are not things kids want to hear from their parents.As I imagine the ideal times of each relationship associated with each location a sadness envelops me because I am remembering the best of each relationship and noting the fact that those days are gone and I can never recapture what I had then.

As I enjoy relationships in the present, I realize that these too will fade or change in time and those times will never be recaptured. An issue might come up that in my past I would have argued about but now, I defer. The issue is now far less important than the relationships I have left.As age creeps up on you, especially with the loss of financial power one used to have, you begin to realize how little control you have over your life. All you can do is make the best of today and make the best choices you can see from where you are at. As experience begins to teach you, you realize that the outcomes of your plans may not at all turn out as expected. Things and money are mere distractions.These are the moments I must simply enjoy now.

As I left on the morning of the 5th for home, I was able to talk my daughter into a lunch together. That was a great time with my grand daughter.​As I was traveling back home, it was just a beautiful day and I called my son to meet with him on the way home. It was the best I could manage to do. Most 4th of Julys in my past were spent with family and friends but my family is now split and I must piece it together as best I can. It all worked out and I was able to enjoy a picnic with my son and his family on the 5th.As sunset drew near I caught a shot of it and smelled the hay being harvested. (photo at top of this entry) It is the summer of the year and the evening of the day - both times that I reflect on and realize this is the season of my life. I am approaching the fall and winter of my life. My options are decreasing and my potential diminishes as my memories become more of what I have left to live on.

One thing that strikes me is how many relationships have been lost or damaged often by things totally out of my control. I have made mistakes but never sought to destroy any relationship - yet I have done so, or at least contributed to their demise by my words or actions. Unforgiveness is a terrible thing. It locks out and kills a relationship with no hope of recovery and it is often at the heart of why a relationship has failed. Anyone can make a mistake and hurt someone, but without forgiveness, it is impossible to recover from such a mistake and the repercussions of that mistake then last forever.Don't let bitterness enter your heart! It really doesn't matter if you were right. The hurts you cause compound and grow with time in a way you can't realize at the moment you caused them. But grace and forgiveness washes everything like this away. It's like kissing an owee. Apologies are worth making.Life can have a lot of regrets and forgiving yourself is necessary too, or the owee never goes away. I think of lectures I'd like to give to those that have caused even the death of a loved one by their unforgiveness - but I realize this will not fix anything. What will fix more things than most is just forgiveness and humility.

Consider an old friend today. Give them a call and renew a relationship. You never know how things will change tomorrow.