Friday, August 28, 2009

Okay! So I'm back, alive, and ready to start posting again. I haven't been home much this summer, just out and enjoying the sun. Guys. I actually GOT A TAN. I know, right? And I know I'm being like the best friend who never calls unless she needs something. I'M TRYING.

ANYways, things have started to calm down now. And I feel like imparting some wisdom. This summer I had fun playing with a lot of new things that I hadn't previously been brave enough to try. Can I talk about how fun that is? I think a lot of times, women see something they love and then think, oh, but I could never pull that off. I wear keds/mom jeans/polo shirts and it just isn't ME! I hate this attitude. Because really, if you don't like the way you look, then why not DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT? I mean really. How hard is it to wake up one morning and say k. Today, I'm going to wear heels. Today, I am going to surprise my husband by doing my hair differently. Today, I'm going to dig that outfit from the back of the closet that I put there because I don't want baby throw up on it, and just wear it for old time's sake. It's amazing how good you feel when you mix things up a bit.

Plus, you get compliments. Did I ever tell you how much I love compliments?

Anyhow, I bring you:

Three Things Women Think They Can't Pull Off, But Could If They Really, Really Tried.

1) Red lipstick.

(Is there anything more awesome than pulling out a tube of lipstick and reapplying public? I think not. HOT!)

So I know. MODELS wear red lipstick. Mom's do not. It's too dramatic. But come on girlies! How better to give you a little boost than to slick on a new shade and get out there? I finally took the plunge and bought a bright, bright red lipstick a couple months ago, and have been wearing it all over. It's so vintage and I love it for fall.

Here is your non-scary way to do red lips. First, LINE THEM. You can get away with not lining if you're doing a shade closer to your own lip color, but with a red, give it a base to stick to. Line your lips, and then fill them in with the pencil. THEN you can put the red lipstick on. Choose a color according to your skin tone. Don't do anything darker than a bright red if you're pale, it'll look too severe. Darker skinned can get away with a richer color. Grab some with the tiniest bit of a blue tint to make your teeth look whiter too. Slick it on, and then step back. RELAX. I know it looks different and out of place. So, to tone the red down and make it look glossier, grab a regular old tube of nude or brown toned lip gloss and put some on over the red. It'll make the color more wearable, and make your lips all juicy. Plus, its fun to then go and kiss your husband and leave a big smack-mark behind!

2) Hats.

(It's like you're a sexy Fidel Castro!)

So many people I hear are like, hey, I like hats, but I'm not a "hat person". Really? Like, pioneers all wore bonnets as they crossing the scorching plains. I'm pretty sure they didn't worry about being hat people or not. And so if you're out in the sun, burning your scalp because you don't think you look good in hats, well that's just dumb. The difference in who is a hat person and who is not is in who knows how to pick out the right hat for themselves. My general rule of thumb is that the larger your features are, the larger the brim of a hat should be. Do you get what I'm saying? I have large features, big eyes and lips and massive cheeks, so I stick with baseball hats or floppy hats. However, if you have tiny features, little nose and chin type thing, you can totally get away with a shorter brimmed military type hat. Even in the winter, I wear a toque (haha, that's so a Canadian word. I think you Yankees would call them beanies) with a brim because I think covering up all of my hair with a tight hat and then WOAH features is unflattering. So choose a hat in proportion with your features and you too can be a "hat person".

3) Shoes with ankle straps.

There was some concern when I posted those espadrilles a few posts (and a few months) back, because they are meant to tie around the ankle. It is true that an ankle strap can be a cankles wort nightmare. It cuts the leg into pieces and brings more focus to the calves. K, can I first point out that I love calves? Not just skinny ones, but ones with some good shape on them. I think they are so feminine and pretty. I happen to enjoy my calves very much, so I totally love a good ankle strap shoe. Half of the shoes in my *cough*77 pair*cough* shoe collection have some sort of ankle strap. But if I still haven't convinced you, might I introduce you to my friend, the t-strap?

(Oh t-strap, you'll never hurt me, will you?)

The t-strap is like the forgiving, sweet and thoughtful cousin of the bad boy ankle strap. Okay, it's not as alluring. But it also won't try to get you drunk and make out with your best friend in your parent's car, if you get my drift. What am I even talking about? Ah, yes. T-strap. The difference between the two is that the t strap first, lengthens the foot by having a linear strap running up it, and then fastens much lower on the ankle than a regular ankle strap, usually slightly below the pokey-out ankle bone. So, if you want to experiment with ankle straps but still think your calves look hefty, hefty, hefty, give t-straps a chance.

So give something that you previously thought you couldn't "pull off" a try. And swagger like you're on America's Next Top Model, without the annoying Tyra Banks soliloquies.

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Jae

Jae is trying to eradicate bad mom fashion, one pair of jeans at a time. What qualifies her to write about fashion? Um, nothing except that she is naturally judgmental and is probably judging you, right now.