Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Mixed signals, is a dating topic that many people question. It seems that men and women cannot get past the fist 3 or 4 dates due to the mixed signals they are receiving. What is going on & why has that not changed over the years?

Insecurities and past hurts are what keep people from having normalcy in their relationships. Everyone gets their rule book out and if their date doesn’t pass the test early on, they are deleted from their blackberry. The effort is not put forth anymore to really get to know someone and accept some of their imperfections.

Some women play games with communication. They make a man guess what they are thinking or what is bothering them, and then punish their partner with the silent treatment. Men can also be bad at communication by ignoring the woman’s cold shoulder. “She will get over it if I just let her be for awhile.” This is not the answer and will usually escalate the problem!

In the beginning, when getting to know your date, friendship should be the priority before sex & intimacy rule your heart. Being sexually compatible is important and many people do not want to waste their time if the chemistry isn’t there between the sheets. Intimacy changes everything for a woman, and new expectations come into play.

Playing games every other week to try to fight for leadership & control is very dangerous. Some relationships seem to have one partner that wants continual control. This usually ends up being the demise of the partnership when the other half gets tired of the obvious game.

Mixed Signals can also come in the form of pushing the relationship too fast & then a month later they are sending signals that they are not as interested anymore. This is a very common scenario especially if sex was introduced too quickly. There is an old expression that when someone comes in too fast to the relationship, they usually go out, just as fast!

Being aware of the type of person you are attracting is the key to long lasting love. By choosing people who are commitment phobic could be because you are not ready yourself. Another mistake some people make is by needing their friend’s approval. It is best to make your own assumptions first by listening to your intuition. Some of your friends could be jealous of your new flame and say things to sabotage it.

Dating later in life can be difficult as you may less tolerant. If your space feels threatened it may make you pull back, especially if both parties are fresh out of a broken relationship. There is a reason why you hurt after a break-up & you are supposed to take time to heal and reflect on what transpired. How can you possibly be whole? You just take your emotional baggage into the next relationship even if you don’t think you do. Galloping on the next horse is not always a good ride; it’s just a different one.

Ask your date what they are looking for. Don’t be afraid to find out early, it may be the opposite of where you see yourself and you can discuss that with them. Diplomacy should be used and a leave the checklist at home. Body language gives away many answers if you are paying attention, which is what dating is all about.

Listen clearly to what they say. If they say they don’t want to be in a committed relationship and that is important to you, move on. They have told you honestly. If they are playing a game or hard to get, you really don’t want to waste time trying to figure that out. Relationships don’t have to be that difficult. People make it harder because they try to change each other rather than listen to who their date really is.

Don’t get caught up in this cat and mouse game. Learn early on whether it is worth pursuing. Learn to listen to what they are saying and not only what you want to hear. The more often you get on the treadmill of dating people, who send mixed signals, the more you will lose your trust for a future mate. It is wise to take some time away from dating if there is a pattern developing because it could be you and not them that is causing the demise of your happiness with someone special.