If sisters were free to express how they really feel, parents would hear this: "Give me all the attention and all the toys and send Rebecca to live with Grandma." ~Linda Sunshine

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Not a graceful dance

First of all, thank you to each and everyone of you for all your comments and e-mails. I can't reply back because I have a slow connection and I'd be on the computer forever and would surely look like a neglectful mom.

To answer some of the e-mails:

1) We are skyping home to Derek, Allie and Eliza. She's wearing the headset to say hi and bye. She's drawn some pictures for Derek this morning while I was skyping with him and had to show them to him thru the video. These are all good things; she wants to attach and wants to be a part of the family; but she is letting go of another one at the same time. It's all understandable. She has been "abandoned" 3 times in 7 years; once at birth, once at 3 by the orphanage to her foster family; and now by her foster family.

2) Don't let Meiying's story discourage you from adopting an older child/older child who was with a foster family. I'm probably painting a more bleak picture than what we're experiencing the rest of our days together. She is a heartfelt child and full of passion; not at all a withdrawn, isolated child. This is part of the journey. Now, I'm here alone so that is making "my emotions" more sensitive and I'm just an emotional person anyway. So, I would recommend (if I had it to do over again) to have another family member with you if you are adopting an older child. They act as a buffer, a distraction, etc.

3) She is so normal and so 7 years old; she knows how to play, color, whine, pout, she's independent. So, miss smarty pants figured out how to make an outside call this morning, after my last post. I went into the bathroom and she called her foster parents even though I said no. Hmmm....this is the challenge of today so far...accepting my authority on limits. But that's okay. So, yes, the phone call was another loud, screaming at them and crying call. I came out of the bathroom to this. I told her no and showed her no tears and she shoved me away. I said (pardon the expression) screw it. I went to take a shower. Well, every time I leave her sight, she comes calling "mommy". I heard her say "bye" and came after me. I told her I was going to shower. While I was showering, she helped herself to look through my photo album (good sign) and came in while I was showering trying to tell me something. I realized after I showered that she was talking about the picture of Eliza riding her bike. Then I found that she had some how found the videos on my computer and had tried to launch the one of Eliza riding her bike. So, I let watch some of them. She even watched the one of Hogan (my dog) and Eliza running thru the puddle after the snowstorn and she pointed to the dog and said "Hogan". She's got one foot in China and the other in our family and that's how it's going to be for quite a while. I know that.

3) Here's some funny things that happened this morning (on the lighter side of our journey together). I was reading the US News and there was a photo of a congressman. She pointed to it and said "daddy"...yes, all us white people look alike! LOL... The remotes to the Wii needed new batteries so she took off running to the Concierge desk yelling "ayi, ayi"...yes, all women in service are ayi's (nannies)! LOL... She was beating me in Wii bowling and I needed to take out some frustration, so I made her play Wii Golf...I kicked her butt and that felt good. LOL... Allie filled me in on my secret, guilty pleasure Young and the Restless and I felt a world away, but also reconnected for a moment. She told me that the character Victor was dead and I told her he's been dead about 100 times over 30 years! LOL... Derek filled me in on my other fav Survivor and it sounds like the dislikeable obnoxious guy this year is going to be a favorite?... Again, ah, a slice from home...trivial, silly, a distraction! LOL

Lastly, I have had the guide talk to her; about the cost of the calls and the limits. She wants nothing to do with that and I get it. She's been crying for an hour, screaming at me and is pure MAD right now that she can't call them. I've got to let her cry this out since she won't let me touch her. The guide tried talking to her over the phone and telling her that I understand and I miss my family too. I'm hoping that eventually, having the same conversation with her foster family and not hearing or getting what she wants, will eventually lead to dissatisfaction and separation. Who knows? Again, thanks for the prayers, comments and e-mails. Love and miss you all.

3 comments:

You're doing a great job! In 6 months it will be better. She may even charm everyone and reject you when she gets home. It is a test to make sure you will not leave her. In the end she will love you the best! You need to get home so you can share the work. It is joy, but it is work...I know!

Sarah-What a SMART little stinker Meiying is!! I can't believe that she made an outside call AND tried to play the videos of Miss. E riding on her bike! I love it. :) Your expression of 1 foot in China and 1 in your family was right on. I bet that Derek felt good when she showed him the picture that she drew for him...that was sweet. Sarah you are handling this all perfect! You are! I can see that from the outside looking in as I stalk you every day. :) I think that it is good to blog the truth! I have no doubt that the good moments are GOOD and the bad moments need to be journaled for your own sanity. Meiying makes me WANT to adopt again....an older child....unfortunately a 3rd child would surely kill me. But what a rewarding experience it would be. :) I asked my travel friend Shelly to check out your blog and email you...she adopted a boy Ava's age in March...I thought that she would really understand what you are experiencing....hope you don't mind. ;) Okay, I hopethat you and Meiying sleep well. Now that you know Victor is dead (again) you should be able to rest. LOL.Hugs, M

Sarah-reading your posts- makes me feel like we are normal! Everything you are going through happened to us! Ava- will be fine- she will be the child you thought she would be BUT it take a while. You are doing so good with her and you are very realistic. When we were in China we were on survival mode. My older daughter katie wanted a break away form all of it for a couple hours- I said yes of course I understand- you can have a break when it came time for her to take it- I begged her not to a bribed her into not leaving me alone with Sarah ( okay just between us I did call her "the creature" now and then... I figured she couldn't understand me and it was a release of tension for me).

Both katie and I cried in China- it is a lot of work, full time and exhausting. I said this is a business trip not a pleasure trip or a vacation. Your blog is helping us to plan our next Business trip to China for Emma and Ellie!

I was wondering how you are doing it alone. I was afraid to take a shower for fear Sarah would leave while I was in there- I had to have Kate watch her closely. Yes our cameras and i phones were entertaining. While we in China we let her use them once home NO WAY!