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First of all I'm a virgin. In fact, I've never even come close to sex. Maybe that's why I think about it so much? Whatever.

Anyway, based on what I hear from people, (particularly women) is that they enjoy a bit of pain from men during sex or during a sexual activity.

I really can't understand this. Why would you ENJOY pain? Maybe I'm to the extreme. For the record I think murders and rapist should just be put to death.

I've peaked at some erotica and "pleasure and pain" often come in the same sentence. If a woman asked me to give her pain I wouldn't know what to do because giving another human being (especially one that I"m attracted to) pain is something that I would hate.

I'm not AGAINST women liking pain, because if they want it, that's really there choice. All I"m saying is that I don't understand it, and if anyone can explain I'd appreciate it.

also: What is the deal with enjoying being choked? If someone choked me I'd probably try to break free and get the heck out of there.

Damn gender lines!!!! lol Why so blind to the concept that some forms of pain mesh nicely with pleasure, and even heighten it. I think you need to open that buttoned down mind, OP, or one day, you're gonna get blindsided by some partner with a different skill set who just might blow ya away. A little foreknowledge just might help you land on your feet.

I'm not AGAINST women liking pain, because if they want it, that's really there choice. All I"m saying is that I don't understand it, and if anyone can explain I'd appreciate it.

I don’t think I can explain it in words, OP. But there might be other ways of beginning to come to terms with it.

If a woman asked me to give her pain I wouldn't know what to do because giving another human being (especially one that I"m attracted to) pain is something that I would hate.

Yes, of course. That’s a good thing. But what if she was kissing you and you were really turned on and she gave your lower lip a little nip with her teeth?

Not enough to hurt really. Just enough to be a pleasing contrast to the soft sensual kissing you’d been enjoying a moment before. Or what if she did the same with your ear-lobes, or maybe ran her fingernails up your spine – not enough to scratch, just enough to sharpen your senses before she returned to caressing you.

The pain and pleasure of making love are the same as the pain and pleasure of loving someone, OP.

What if she liked the feeling of your teeth on her neck or on her breasts, or liked you pulling at her hair or squeezing her buttocks extra hard when she was really turned on – what if those things sent her into spasms of pleasure?

Or what if, next time you’re nearing orgasm, you bit your own lower lip just because it felt so good? Or pulled your own hair, or gave your nipple or scrotum a light pinch or squeezed your testicles a little harder than you usually would? Or even tensed your leg muscles until they started to ache. How do you understand that? How do you make sense of that or put it into words?

I don’t know. But enjoying a little bit of pain mixed with the pleasure of sex isn’t at all unusual. Some people like it more than others. Probably some don’t like it at all. But it’s part of sexuality for some people, some more, some less. It's part of their human experience.

But that's what this forum is for, right? For asking?

Well yes, that's one of its functions. Inflicting psychological pain can also be a turn-on, a tonic for the ego if you please. That's another.

OP you're putting the cart before the horse here.... just learn to get and enjoy vanilla sex first...you're not GOING to understand until you've been there....It's like trying to explain color to someone who has never had vision.

But i do agree that he needs to begin with just the basics. Things youre talking about have to do more along the lines of ...oh say.... experienced lovers.

So, you should be looking for those around your age and dating. Get that down pat and then things will naturally fall into line for you.

But yes... some women enjoy different stimuli which at times includes "pain". And you shouldnt place yourself in the "not me!" category until youve at least had sex.

Pain and pleasure are often associates. I would say at your beginning level ... let's see..May I ask a question? Do you masturbate? If so, do you softly and gently massage your penis until eventually you orgasm? OR do begin say.. easy and then choke the chicken, getting rougher until you orgasm?? (I cant believe I even said that.)

Because you havent had sex Id say you still think of women as delicate flowers that need tender care??anyway... those lessons need to be learned AFTER youve conquered the first experience.

We must not blindly assume that only women will feel pain and guys won't. I've learned that the simple act of male ejaculation is a very painful process, so painful in fact that it will cause the loss of an erection. Guy's don't feel the pain because there is many pleasure senses that supersede the feeling of pain. However, after a good orgasm, most guys will feel sore afterwards. (It's all good)

Ok, so here's the complete story: I started to when I hit puberty and to be honest, I actually enjoyed it then. I no longer do, so I haven't done it in forever.

You guys are probably right that erm... hands on experience is the only way to understand. Just from a virgins point of view pleasure and pain going together make about as much sense as fast and slow going together.

I don't enjoy pain either and if sex involved pain I would not do it. In fact, sometimes my leg will cramp and I go "leg cramp! leg cramp! stop!!!!" and we stop and I twist around until the cramp is gone.

BUT...when you have sex or actually doing anythign that involves a lot of sensory input, your senses get a bit overwhelmed. Therefore, something that ordinarily would hurt, won't hurt. And in fact, without extra stimulation, you might barely feel it at all.

it's like, imagine if someone is rubbing your leg up and down briskly, just ankle to knee. now while they are doing that, someone lightly touches your arm. You won't be able to "sense" or feel the arm touch b/c your senses are overwhelmed by the leg rubbing sensation. So for you to feel someone touch your arm, they will have to use extra pressure for you to even sense it at all.

This principle is actually used at times to help relieve people of pain. Apply pressure to one part of the body so you do not feel the pain in another part of the body. Competing sensations lessen the feeling of pain.

Therefore, during sex, all the senses are activated...lots of touching feeling going on , so if a guy, say, smacks my butt with his hand, it doesn't hurt...it feels good. If I weren't having sex I guarantee it would hurt and I'd smack him back upside the head in return. lol But if he didn't smack it, i wouldn't be able to "sense" it enough to enjoy it. Same with biting. A little biting or hard sucking feels good because of the other sensations elsewhere...it doesnt' hurt at all.

Does that help explain anything? Now, granted, I am sure there are people who truly are into pain when it feels like pain. I am NOT one of them. Masochism which can involve pain, is discussed in a book my former professor wrote. He talks about pain and masochism as "escaping the self". His name is Roy Baumeister and the book is titled "Escaping the Self". Amazon does have some old used copies I think... Ok, maybe he keeps pain and masochism separate...gads I can't remember. It was years ago that i was in grad school..and it's 11 pm at night. Anyway...pretty sure this would explain why some people engage in some of the weirder stuff out there...

And I third (or fourth or fifth or sixth) what the others said, don't worry about these kinds of questions. Just work on meeting a nice girl and kissing her goodnight and the rest will follow over time. Can't run before you learn to walk.

First of all, I think it's great & I respect you for being a virgin. As a virgin though, I don't think you should be concerning yourself with pleasure & pain. When you first have sex with someone, hopefully it will be with your wife, your not going to be thinking about...how can I make this painful. Your going to do what comes natural to you and pain with pleasure is not something that comes natural to you, therefore don't do it. Do I think all woman like pleasure with pain...no I don't. Be yourself and do what's right to you despite what you hear.

You're basically saying that your feeling other things so much, that for you to feel something else it must be really intense. (if I understand you right)

As to respecting me for being a virgin... Thanks. I personally don't see why sex before marriage would be sinful though because marriage is simply an artificial thing created by humans. You could go to Las Vegas and marry someone the day you meet them.

On the other hand, a couple could wait for say, 10 months before having sex. I'm not trying to pick an argument with you, I"m just stating my way of looking at that.

Well, your from Texas. Do you like your chilli spicy? Let's assume that's a yes for no other reason than making my point.Why do people enjoy spicy, hot food? We're talking about taking acid and burning/irritating sensative tissues, yet people enjoy this. Why?Why do we enjoy the flavour more when we had that firey spice?As stated previously by another poster, there is an amount of combination/confussion of the senses. Added to this is the bodies increased production of endorphins and adreanelin(sp?) These two biochemicals combined decrease pain reception and increase other sensory inputs that make us feel good.Therefore we look forward to the heat of the spice.But you're a long way from there, better to start with the milk and cookies.

What a penetrating question! Lol Hmm, let's see- Onan made the biblical headlines for spilling seed solo, buuut, times have changed, and to get famous these days, make a splash, maybe you hafta go the other way?

Nihilism, maybe? At 20-something, he's above it all?

A control freak, gone awry?

Hmmm, tidiness to the nth degree (he oughtta peak at that thread about condoms for masturbatory occasions).

A serious lack of imagination might explain it.

Maybe he just doesn't like his dyk.

Or maybe he does too many of those Red Bull/5 Hours of Power****ails they sell at convenience stores. Those things'll make ya go seriously mental. lol

Some people just hate to practice, especially when they haven't even gotten onto the field to play yet. I dunno. I started early, and often, and alone, of course.