Wednesday, November 27, 2013

How men feel about rape

When I
read about rape cases and see the news channels flashing lurid details of such
heinous acts, I go through a number of emotions at once. There is this feel of
shock and sorrow, emotions that are collectively shared by the entire nation. I
also feel a general mistrust towards mankind especially after discovering that
quite often the perpetrators of such crimes turn out to be the very people who
were meant to be the protectors and the guardians of the victim. And when
activists raise slogans against men and when the girls in my FB contacts post
statuses directed against the male populace, I feel ashamed that I am born a
man.

But at
the same time, I feel dejected that the entire male population has to go
through this guilt for the crime committed by a few sinful men. It is also a
bit unfair, to be honest, that men, in general, are condemned for something
which is amongst the most barbaric crimes in the world. I feel guilty for
something which I haven't done, though someone else from my sex has done it and
is making me pay for it. It is ironic in a way as quite often the actual
perpetrator walks free while the rest from his community carry an aggrieved
soul and walk with their heads hung low.

I do not
say that the women are wrong in generalising the issue. With protectors turning
predators, prejudice is bound to slip in even against those men who are clean
in hearts.

But being
a man myself, I can draw a parallel between suicide and rape in this context.

I have
observed that those who have a tendency to commit suicide often go ahead with
the act even for relatively flimsy reasons. On the other hand, some people have
this mental block against it and no matter how troubled their life is, they
will never be able to commit suicide. They may contemplate doing so, but they
will not find that inner push to go ahead and get it over.

I can say
this coz my own life for most part of the last decade had been plagued by
severe depression and hopelessness with little motivation to live and with
every reason to end my life. On umpteen occasions, I contemplated hanging
myself by the rope or popping up an entire file of sleeping pills. My family,
knowing of my mental state, would never leave me alone at home.

But even
though I could have ended my life easily by simply plunging on the railway
tracks before a speeding Metro, I could never commit suicide. And deep down I
knew that I will never do it simply coz I am not programmed to do it.

Rape,
just like suicide, is chiefly dependent on the way a person's mind is
programmed. Some men will never commit rape, no matter how big a flirt they may
be. On the other hand, some men who never quite planned doing it, may do it
during the heat of a moment when the power of their lust overrides the power of
their conscience. They will rape, irrespective of their social status, the
degree of their education or the volume of clothes worn by their potential
victim. They will do so because deep inside, they find it an acceptable act as
their mind does not present any block towards this crime.

Again, without
generalising, I would say that I personally may feel aroused at the sight of a
peek-a-boo bra or the fleshy thigh poking out of the underlinings of a skirt,
but despite all the titillations, I will never rape, though I may very well try
to make advances and try to impress the woman and obtain her consent. I am not
programmed to rape, just like I am not programmed to commit suicide.

6 comments:

Very pertinent post, very much needed. And this kind of backs my argument against everyone who tries to control girls, saying that's the only way rapes can stop: not all men are like that, there's something seriously wrong with the person who's doing the raping, fix HIM first!Thanks for this post :)

Agreed.Itz all about losing ur conscious over momentary pleasure (as assumed) in a spur of a moment. Neither everybody is such a slave to his animal instincts nor every male feels that itz a way to establish their masculinity.

A good perspective... But I guess the problem women will always face is that there is no way to differentiate between the types you have listed out. And that's where the generalization kicks in.. Had there been a clear majority of the better ones it might have been easier.. Unfortunately it is not so

First of all my admiration for holding out against the urge to suicide,keep it up please.

But i do not agree with your 'programmed' bit.This will serve as an easy excuse for the criminals.No it is not because their minds are programmed that way,that these men rape .There are many causes for it,for which a separate post will be needed but most prominent among those is-no respect for women and no control over self.

“There's always room for a story that can transport people to another place.” ― J.K. Rowling

About Me

When he realized that he wasn’t made out for a corporate job, Ritesh Agarwal quit CA and took up writing as a full-time profession. He also enjoys teaching, taking amateurish photographs with his over-expensive camera and penning short stories (when he is not procrastinating, that is). Having reviewed dozens of books by dozens of authors, he is hoping that someday somebody would review ‘Lovelets’, the anthology in which he finally got published.
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