Make Change instead of Excuses

Many couples want to make change in their relationship but instead make excuses for why they won’t or can’t change. Often, couples I counsel with use the excuse of disbelief. Both people doubt the other person can or will change, and therefore, they themselves will not or cannot change.

Now, in our good minds, most of us know that we can’t wait on someone else to change before we change. But, out of frustration, disappointment, hurt, etc., we somehow forget this and bog down, waiting on change to magically come our way.

I recently asked a couple who has been married many years… “What are you waiting for? Why not start being the man you want to be and the woman you want to be?”

Predictably, they both answered the same answer they’ve hung on to for years—“He won’t…,” “She won’t…”

We had built a good working relationship over time, so I kindly pointed out that maybe it was time to be the man he wanted to be, not for her, but for God and for himself. And, maybe it was time for her to be the woman she wanted to be, not for him, but for God and for herself.

These are good people. You and I are good people. But, we all sometimes blame our waiting on someone else. Interestingly, though, when you and I stop waiting on others to change and start making change we ourselves need to make, often, the other person naturally has to and gets to change as well.

I’m reminded of Matthew 7:3… “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” Said another way—“what are you waiting for?!” Let’s get busy making change, not more excuses.

What change are you ready to make? What excuse is holding you back? Join the “Hope to Build On” conversation in the comments section below.

3 Comments

Instead of expecting Stephen to think more like I do about money management, I’ve started reminding myself and accepting that we both have valid and reasonable perspectives on money management. We don’t have to handle money “my way” or “his way” but have more of a shared approach. This is one area of change we’re making progress in and that keeps us working together rather working against one another.

Thank you Shannon, these words are full of truth, Gods truth. As you know, I’ve used the passage from Matthew 22:37-40 to be healthy and to help others to pursue health. If we start with people outside of us we miss what God says to us. The Matthew passage guides us to start with our relationship with our Father. In doing so we receive His guidance and we become the spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically healthy person He wants for us. The end result is we are able to reflect Gods health into others lives and point them to Him. This enables us to not have excuses.

Well said, Richard, and Matthew :). When we switch our focus off of “me” and onto God, we are better able to love our mate without placing unrealistic expectations on him or her. When both people are doing this…wow! That’s a worthwhile goal for all of us!