Parenting advice shouldn't create confusion

8 May, 2015
by Matt Sanders

These days, parenting advice really is everywhere. And when you’re relying on guesswork, an internet article, or well-meaning comments of the “in my day” variety, it can be hard to have confidence in your parenting skills. But there’s a big difference between the mountains of parenting advice served up to parents on a daily basis via the internet, and a tried-and-tested parenting program based on research.

Thirty years ago, finding answers to common parenting problems meant trying your luck in a bookstore or a library, or at your local health clinic. Your goal would be to find a suitable “expert” who could “tell” you how to deal with tantrums, biting, fighting, and the like. Now, you can just do a Google search. But the search results run into the millions, and it’s hard to separate the online articles that are genuinely helpful, from the ones that have been written just for click-bait or laughs – or both.

THE UPSIDE…

In some ways, the fact that parenting is more widely discussed is a good thing. Acknowledging that parenting is difficult, and that everyone needs support at various points along the way, means we can stop pretending everything is always fine and parenting comes naturally. The fact is, modern parents often feel stressed, isolated from their extended families, and pressured to be perfect.

…AND THE DOWNSIDE

Ironically, this is also part of the downside of an avalanche of parenting articles. An overload of these, especially if they’re conflicting, can make Moms and Dads feel even more uncertain and alone.

And unfortunately, a lot of parenting advice available online is based on opinions and anecdotes, rather than research. When a “fad” method goes out of fashion, parents are sometimes even told that what was hailed as the latest thing back then is now potentially damaging to children. (Remember hot-housing?)

Using established principles of clinical psychology and child development.

There may be some small refinements, or new levels of support developed, but the principles remain the same. In addition, quality parenting programs aren’t based on “telling people what to do”. They offer parents new skills and strategies, so they can choose what they think will work best for their family. Parents also gain a better understanding of their own emotions, which is useful not just within the family environment but in everyday life.

There’ll always be people who say things like “parents today just need a dose of good old-fashioned common sense”, or sentiments along those lines. If only it were that simple. We now know, not because of guesswork but because of science, that it’s especially important to help the many, many families, from all walks of life, whose children have a certain temperament and/or behavioural issues that may be red flags for future problems. Early intervention is vital, and as well as helping make parents less stressed, kids more resilient and families happier, it can save the whole community money as well as heartache down the track.

As a parent, you probably want to make informed decisions about raising your children. You want to have confidence in your own judgement to decide what form of discipline will be effective, and what values and skills you want your children to grow up with. You probably want to give children the skills to handle difficult situations in appropriate ways. It’s not just about preventing misbehaviour; it’s also about teaching responsible, caring, pro-social behaviour.

So if you think you have more than enough “parenting advice”, you’re probably right. What’s more effective and productive is to make proper evidence-based parenting programsmore available, more understood, and more a part of everyday life for all families. You can take what you need from an evidence-base parenting program, and also feel confident about where it came from and why it exists. The benefits will flow on to you, to other families, and to the whole of society as well.

Matt Sanders

Professor Matt Sanders is the founder of the Triple P – Positive Parenting Program. He is also Director of the Parenting and Family Support Centre at the University of Queensland, Australia.

Disclosure statement:
The Triple P – Positive Parenting Program is owned by the University of Queensland. The University, through its main technology transfer company, UniQuest Pty Ltd, has licensed Triple P International Pty Ltd to publish and disseminate the program worldwide. Royalties stemming from published Triple P resources are distributed to the Parenting and Family Support Centre; School of Psychology; Faculty of Health and Behavioural Sciences; and contributory authors. Various staff and students from The University of Queensland are contributory authors. No author has any share or ownership in Triple P International Pty Ltd.