That Does It [Part I]

It’s impossible to argue with the data at this point. God exists. Not because I want him to. But because he just does. You probably haven’t heard yet. It will be released soon enough.

A new species of insect was discovered off the coast of Africa, and the entire book of John was found embedded on its thirteenth chromosome. If there was any doubt, it’s been tested and retested. The Book of John was found inside an insect.

The guy who discovered it used to work for the CIA in cryptography. He went back to school in genetics and discovered this insect. On a whim, he ran the genetic code through some of his cryptography software, and…the rest is history. Of course, no one believed him. He didn’t even believe the result. He ran it a couple times, then sent it over to a friend to check out.

The question obviously becomes ‘what’s next?’ Being an outspoken member of the American Association of Atheists, I’ll obviously have to revoke my membership. Because at this point, not believing in God is the same as believing the earth is flat. No rational person could reject him.

I always had a suspicion. The more I learned about the fine-tuning of the universe, the more I started to wonder. Could all of this really happen by chance? But my friends in academia were atheists, so I just assumed that it was the rational belief. Or lack of belief.

I gave my theistic coworkers a lot of grief. But they were right.

So I guess that makes me a theist. By default. I don’t ignore evidence. I accept it. But what’s that mean about my worldview? It’s shattered. I’ve been doing what I wanted for the past thirty-two years. If there is a God, is there an afterlife?

I’ve completely ignored this question. The premise was always false before. The Book of John would certainly imply that the Christian God exists. And if the Christian God exists, heaven exists. And also, hell exists.

This is just too much to process. How could I be so wrong for so long? How could I upend my worldview and submit to a mystical omniscient being? But just the DNA alone paired with Pascal’s wager means that this is something that I have to explore. I have to try.

So I bought a Bible and started going to church. But I am just really struggling with submitting to a higher power. I want what I want. “God’s will be done.’ What about my will? Can I yield my dreams to a higher power?

The guys at work are split. Some have successfully ‘transitioned.’ Others have considered but rejected. Not saying that God doesn’t exist, just that Christianity isn’t ‘them.’ Essentially, they tried but it just didn’t take.

It’s really an impossible situation to be in: what I want and certain doom, or what I don’t want and eternal bliss. My eyes are on the Nobel Prize, but what if that’s not the will of God?

I’m going to keep going to church and praying–yes, praying–and see what happens. I’m not throwing in the towel. But I’m also not giving up on my research. Surely an omniscient being will understand the importance of scientific inquiry.