Mama Warrior

Thursday, June 3, 2010

So, its been awhile. Whoops! Turned out I was ok, by the way. I had exploratory surgery. No cancer. They found some cysts and endometriosis, but I'm generally ok. :)

On to other things! My dd has started HIGH SCHOOL. HIGH SCHOOL people!! :O She finished 8th grade on Friday and started summer school for extra credits toward high school on Tuesday. That's my girl!! *proud grin*

My ds will be in 6th grade this fall. His last year of elementary school. We're working hard toward independence. He's doing better all the time, but still he's not conversationally verbal. But I'm so proud of him! The doctors said he'd never potty train and he did...said he couldn't understand anything and he obviously does...so many things he's done that were not expected of him.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

We have a detached garage. This garage was bone-dry when we moved in. SO bone-dry that we stored boxes in it. We got lazy and trusted it over time and simply placed boxes in it on the floor until we "had time" later to organize it.

Yeah, right. You ever tell yourself, "I'll do it later when I have time," and ACTUALLY ever have time to get back to it?? I really should know better by now...

As Murphy's Law dictated, a storm blew some of that tarpaper shingling stuff off the roof. We got a drip or two. No biggie we - first-time homeowners - thought. Its just a drip or two. We'll get to it "later" when we "have money."

You see where this is going, right?

We never have money. We don't have it NOW. We won't have it when NOW inevitably becomes LATER. Also something I should know by now...

And I've now learned - a drip or two? VEEEEERY important.

These tiny drips humidified the entire inside of our garage. These tiny drips seeped under cardboard boxes and made homes built out of mold and mildew. These tiny drips brought with them ROT.

My Mom is coming to visit from Far Away. She has come at Christmastime for YEARS, but we've decided to try summer. More to do. Prettier weather. It'll be fun! The only thing we didn't count on is usually when she comes our sad dogyard (We have two loveable dogs..)and weed-plagued flowerbeds are covered with a beautiful layer of snow. Instant seasonal decorations, courtesy of mother nature. Tada!

Noone has a reason to go to the garage. Its COLD out there!

Well, its summer. The garage is unfortunately a wet, nasty pit due to our bad judgment of not fixing it "yet". The yard is better this year than it has been, thank goodness, but we still have weed issues and a dogyard without the pretty snow.

Now, my mother wouldn't care about ANY of this. She's just happy to see us. BUT I care. Who wants their Mom to know...er, I mean THINK...they live in a icky pit of an ooky garage and has to hack thru the weeds to visit?? Not me. And don't get me started on my peel and stick (mostly peel) kitchen floor...that's another blog.

So, today we rented a dumpster from the city and started purging the garage. I've thrown away things today that I swore I'd never part with. But I had no choice.

I've thrown away wet and moldy kids' books....kids' clothes...dh's books including a big Military encyclopedia book he's had forever...some Beatles posters (not collectibles)...a collectible book of dh's ("Star Wars")... and worst of all I had to chunk a box of my memory stuff. I only managed to save the top layer. The bottom layer was wet, and moldy and gross.

I moved a lot as a kid. I always took my momentos with me. I was a saver even back then. I kept momentos of everything. I guess it comes from knowing that it was all transitory and that at any time my Dad might go "Let's go on an adventure!" and we'd move.

But I tossed it. I had no choice. I figure its just less crap for my daughter and son to go through someday when I pass. But it had some of my writing from when I was her age and younger and a little older....and a spiral notebook I used to plan my entire wedding and beginning expenses to start our apartment and life together....It all got tossed.

The most fun things we've found so far: Ninja swords that my husband bought FOREVER ago when we bought things like that (frivolous); and a glass milkjug stuffed full of pennies sealed with tape wrapped around and around the head of it.

I gave the pennies to my daughter for helping us today with cleaning and with her brother. She's THRILLED! LOL

I think ten - fifteen years ago I'd have cried my eyes out over losing my momentos. Now though, in my late 30s and going through the things I've been through in my 30s, I can see that (and I'm going to get totally corny here, but hey its true) the best momentos are the ones I carry with me on the inside and that all this detritus ...all this STUFF we all insist on carrying around with us in our desire to remind ourselves and others that we were here and were alive...its all going to end up as trash our children have to throw out and in the very end as DUST.

NOW that's not to say we shouldn't save ANY momentos. I don't plan to stop or toss the things I was able to save. BUT as I get older I find I save with more care....place more value on pictures and experiences and things like that. So, I'll keep my momentos, but I'll know that in the end its the relationships between us and the world and the people in it...and our LORD... that truly matters.

Monday, June 29, 2009

I've just been feeling so ... alive lately! Really! More motivated than I have in years..since my Dad died. Dh said I went on autopilot, and I feel like I'm waking up from it. I've apologized to dd, but she says there's nothing to apologize for. I've worried over what I would have done diff these last five years differently for ds, but dh said autopilot or not I've done more than he would have thought to. I still wonder....

When Dad died, dd was 8 and ds was 5! I wonder if those VERY IMPORTANT years slipped by me..they went so very fast. But I've let it go because there's nothing I can do now and I did my best. I was just so...shocked when Dad died. My whole life was about making him proud. I don't think I realized HOW MUCH until he died.

Anyway, dh has been commenting on my bounciness lately. I'm laughing more, even when I'm worried. I used to take the kids " 'Splorin" - something dh and I used to do when we dated and were first married...taking unknown dirt roads or going somewhere you haven't been just to see it ... but we haven't really done much of that over the last few years.

Well, today we went 'Splorin!! There's a big lake you pass on the way to dd's Bible camp (she opted not to go this year) and I've always wanted to go to it and have a look around. So, I filled up the van with gas and away we went!!

Its beautiful!! Its a lake by a dam and it was quiet and peaceful and the day is just GORGEOUS!!! Blue skies....high 70s, low 80s..at least when we went around lunchtime. I sent a pic and text to dh "Pretty!" He texted back "You are pretty...where are YOU?" I texted him back a pic of me smiling and "Flatterer!"

On the way home we saw this HUGE perfectly triangular pile of sand and so I texted him a pic and "Look! We drove all the way to Egypt!" Mr. Literal texts back "What's with the pic of the sand auger??"

It was supposed to be a PYRAMID. Use your IMAGINATION! Geez. LOL

Anyway, we did that ... ate lunch... paid some bills...mailed the Netflix back...and visited the Library.

All in all, a good day so far!! I'm really happy lately in general and I just wanted to share!

Sunday, June 28, 2009

"I wanna be a hillbilly, prayin’ for the rainDrink corn whiskey, raise a little caneYou can have the big city, I wanna be a hillbilly.When I die, throw me a big fine wakeAnd have a party in the barnLet me lie in statePlant me under that oak treeI wanna be a hillbilly" - Billy Carrington "I wanna be a Hillbilly"

My yard is pretty!

We've always pretty much been the "Hillbillies on the Corner" (as we've dubbed ourselves).

With our half-dead yard and out of control mutant bush/tree...our dead flowerbeds full of weeds and the "dog yard" - which is a fenced in backyard holding the dogs and copius amounts of dirt splotches and masses of weeds - all we're missing is a truck up on blocks and my dh sitting in a lawn chair in the front yard in a wife beater shirt, scratching his belly as he swills beer.

Everyone EVERYONE around us has a kept yard. But I just haven't been able to go out there and really work without fear of ds bolting and getting run over or getting away. I'm at work when he's in school during the day. Dh is always exhausted. He works his 12 hour shifts and has a second job on his days off that can sometimes go for up to 5 hours or so. He also attends training on his days off. And then when he's TRULY off...he just wants to play XBox or be with us.

Well, we occasionally used to call out a yard service to keep the yard passable. We gave up on the dog yard years ago and just let the dogs have it. Everyone seems to understand and pretty much everyone loves our dogs, thank goodness.

This summer, dh and I for some reason both got sick of being a joke...albeit a good natured joke. Everyone seems to get we don't have time or money. We didn't want to pay the yard service. And, I think the road construction this year that seriously killed the corner of our yard made dh mad. It was like the last insult.

He wondered if he should raise the blades on the lawnmower and if that would make our yard more lush and green. We were cutting it really short because we figured we'd have to cut it less often. Dh was right!! Raising the blades and putting the sprinklers out more often has made my yard lush and green just like our neighbors!! Just like that!! AND he sprayed weed and feed spray stuff and weed b gone (we were lucky that the main yard didn't have a whole lot of weeds anyway..some dandelions mainly) and grass seed. The dead corner isn't totally back, but it looks a lot better.

I put out a hanging pot with flowers and IT IS LIVING!!! I usually kill flowers, but I finally found some that like me!

The dog yard is still the dog yard, and there are tons of weeds still around the base of the house, BUT its looking pretty good. When I drive past our house now, I'm not embarrassed at our yard compared to our neighbors anymore.

I'm thinking of painting the shed psychedelic colors like one of those hippie buses from the 60s... hee....

Saturday, June 13, 2009

This morning, ds and I were in the bathroom (We only have one.). He was using the facilities and I was washing my face. So, I rinse my face and look up and ds is standing there with a towel and starts drying my face for me - like I do for him after his bath. I let him dry my whole face and he did a very good job. :)

BUT then, he reaches over on the sink and PICKS UP a black spider. I have no clue what he was going to do with it. I think he was giving it to me because it was crawling across the back of the sink.

Without thinking, I yelped and shook his hand and the spider fell. I got a piece of toilet paper, smooshed it, and threw it in the toilet. I said "Flush" and ds did. Not until I told dh did I rethink my actions.

Dh said, "Oh great, you've taught him to kill. I don't know if we want that to be his first reaction, do we? He was curious because it was moving." I said, " But, what if he picks up something that BITES him???" Then dd said, "Great! You killed Itsy Bitsy Spider!!"

I know they were just giving me a hard time, but I got to thinking....that's one of ds's favorite songs. What if he picked it up because it was Itsy Bitsy Spider and then I KILLED IT???? Ds seems totally unaffected and I know its silly but I've worried about it all day now!