There were a lot of shitty Super Bowl ads last night. Spending $4 million on an ad means that most companies
and ad agencies are too scared to allow one person to have a single vision of
what the ad should be, and thus you get a 30 second gangbang of styles of tones
and terrible jokes and unwanted celebrity cameos. But there was one ad I hated more than the
rest, and this was it.

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This had everything I hate in an ad: trucks, 'Merica, "A
man...," tired jokes about bullfucking, and "You Sexy Thing."

It's 2014 and advertisers and movie producers are STILL
using this goddamn song as a punchline.
When you hear "You Sexy Thing," you know that you are about to
see something unsexy on the screen because IRONY. Look, it's a fat guy stripping! And over there, it's two dogs humping! Let's cue up some Hot Chocolate to really
drive the comedy home! If Adam Sandler
could use this song on an 88-minute loop for one of his movies, he would. He probably has. It's a fucking terrible song and people have
used it 5,000 times to tell the same joke. I wanna meet the music supervisor who is
like, "Boy, this scene of a woman with a five-pound mole on her cheek really
needs some punching up. GET ME 'YOU SEXY
THING.' That'll make it fresh!"

I know that licensing music is complicated and
expensive. I'm sure every producer goes
into a movie or an ad with a wet dream playlist that includes all kinds of cool
hip shit from Lupe Fiasco and Wavves and whoever else, only to find out they
can't afford those songs. But there's
gotta be a better fallback option than this.
There are billions of songs out in the universe and yet "You Sexy
Thing" and "I Feel Good" and "Spirit in the Sky" get
used over and over and over again. They
need to be formally retired. They need
to create a Song Nursing Home where "You Sexy Thing" can go and
wither. Because it's the worst. It wasn't even good to begin with. Find new music, American car makers.