A woman is singing, humming, and just giggling all over herself in the kitchen one day. Her husband asked her why she was so happy. She told him, "I went to the doctor today and he said that I have the breasts of a twenty year old." The husband asked, "What did he say about your fifty year old ---?" She replied, "Your name didn't come up in our conversation."

A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighbouring course and liked to pick on suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, “I'll marry them.”

A middle aged woman goes to the doctor for a routine yearly complete physical. While being examined the doctor tells her she has the breasts of a twenty-one year old. When she gets home she tells her husband what the doctor said and he says, "Oh really, what did he say about your fifty year old ---?"She says, "Nothing dear, your name never came up in the conversation."

There was this teenage boy who was opening up his birthday present from his mom and it was a transister radio. When he opened it he said, "Radio ma, Radio!"

When our whole family was sitting at our dinner table and one of our daughters had her boyfriend over we had it planned that when we told that joke we all would laugh histerically, and laugh and laugh. As we all were laughing the boyfriend sat there with a bewildered look and didn't say a thing. After the laughing settled down our daughter asks her boyfriend if he got it. He says, ya. So she says, explain it then. He had that bewildered look all over again. I guess you'd have to have been there. Try it with a group sometime and see what happens.

A beautiful woman at the bar approached a man with an offer. "I'll make your dreams come true for $150.""That's a lot of money." the guy said, admiring her voluptuous body. "I'm worth it, for $150 I'll act out any fantasy. I can make any three words come true."Caressing the back of his neck while he considered the offer, he leaned back with a big smile and announced, "It's a deal!" He leaned over and whispered,

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. "Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John. "Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy.The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair."Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.""We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy. "What did you watch?" asked Marsha."The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.""I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair...Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

> Ben Roethlisberger , after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God> was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded> Steelers flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, Ben," said> God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." Ben felt> special, indeed, and walked up to his house.

> On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner.> It was a 3-story mansion with a GREEN & GOLD sidewalk, a 50-foot tall> flagpole with an enormous PACKERS flag, and in every window, a> CHEESEHEAD!! .> Ben looked at God and said, "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I> have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I hold many NFL records, and I even> won a few Super Bowl."

> God said "So what's your> point, Ben?" "Well, why> does Aaron Rodgers get a> better house than I do ?"> > God chuckled, and said:

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "$90,000."MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it." MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty thousand if it's what you really want."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.