Steps after just making out

For those who don't know, I just recently started dating a great girl and it still feels so unreal because I have little experience with women (long story).

She came over last Friday (spent my birthday with her) and we had a great night. We prepared dinner together and all and after that, we started making out on my bed.
We decided to not yet have sex. And I think it's a good decision. I was nervous as hell and she felt it. My heart was pounding like crazy and I was shaking. She wasn't bothered by it and reassured me that I would calm down on my own.

And then, something happened that I didn't think I was capable of: I actually calmed down and my instinct kicked in. I knew what to do and I felt comfortable cuddling with her, kissing her all over and basically, just get to know her body (we were shirtless, but kept our pants on).
We spent hours just enjoying each others body, talking and enjoying each others company. I had never done such a pleasant thing, even with my ex. She said she enjoyed it a lot too.

Anyways, we both got pretty aroused but the fact that we didn't fuck was actually a good thing. This way, I "get used" to touching her and being intimate with her which should make me less nervous the day we do become more sexual.

But what I'd like to know, and this is me being too analytical again, how will I know, when we make out again in the future, that it's the right moment to go further?
Do I simply have to take the next step slowly and see if she stops me? Should I ask her flat out? Or wait for a hint?
Or should I just "go with the flow" and see?

I know this is a silly question but bear with me. If you'd know my back story (and some of you do) you might understand why as a 31 year old man, I still am so unsure about all this

Gold Member

The two of you "decided" not to have sex yet. In other words, the two of you were communicating about it directly. This is a good sign. You won't have to analyze and guess and plan and make moves and wait for hints. You'll talk about it, just like you did on Friday night. It's worked so far--I'm sure it'll be fine.

Gold Member

Judging by your age and the fact that you're dating her, I think letting your hands wander while making out will both calm you and ease you into it, and control the pace at which you go. If you put your hand down her pants, she'll probably reciprocate, and you can stay there until you're comfortable, then the final signal would be to start pulling them off.