Artist, writer, teacher, Jane of all trades, living life to the dregs.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Years

Lots of people name their years. I've thought about it... tried... One year in college I asked for Boldness and God took me to Japan. Years ago I prayed that I would learn Servanthood. The year before last I prayed for Harvest, and I received. The next year I prayed for Humility and Thankfulness (http://bit.ly/TrdZMP), again... crushing blows paired with good love and joys. He gives and gives and gives again. And I am afraid. What do I dare pray for? For God will give it to me. This is a frightening thing.

When little Merida in "Brave" asked for her mother to be changed, she didn't know what it was that she really needed and what it was that she was really going to get. In fairy stories people ask witches for things and get what they ask for but it isn't what they thought and they'd be more careful if they thought that they would actually get what they were asking for. How much more should I truly consider what I ask God for?

I've thought of things... self-discipline in the spiritual disciplines... discipline is a big one. But I'm too scared to ask for that, to scared of what form it could come in. I desire grace and wisdom. I yearn to encourage and bless the people around me. I ache to be whole and well without losing compassion and sensitivity to what God has done through Christ in me and in the world. I want to be fearless. I want to be willing to be open and vulnerable to people so that they can see what God has done. Because God gives and gives and gives again. I am so blessed.

So, I don't know what this year will bring, or what I'll name it, if I'll name it, or if I"ll find what it is that I'll ask God for this year.