Global Domination

Friday, December 15

A Message To The Drivers

To the driver of car which flashed and hooted at me this morning as I was leaving a roundabout, I would like to say this. See those white stripes on the road? They are called road markings. They indicate the routes you can take across the tarmac. Without them it may be possible to arbitrarily guess where to put your car for best travel around the roundabout, and you may even be able to use the positions of other cars as a guide. Without these lines, maybe you could make up your own rules for where to position your car for best exit from the roundabout. Heck, if this were a stock car race, like in the movie Days Of Thunder, you could just ram any car in your way. However, when the lines are present, and when they are so fresh that they provide a neat and clear mark of exactly which channels are available, I suggest you use them. I was using mine. I would have been faster off the roundabout, and out of your maverick path too if it were not for the car to my left missing the route proscribed by his white lines and veering temporarily into my path. I'm sorry that my car remained steadfastly in its lane and did not bend the laws of time and space to accommodate your pressing need to bypass it. I'm sorry that driving doesn't seem to be working out for you. Better luck next time.

To the driver of the car that I pushed in front of while indicating left and leaving the middle lane some 300 yards from my motorway exit. Sorry I was being so assertive. I was running late and the ranks were closing in in the inside lane. I had painted myself into a corner and needed into your lane. I'm sorry that I was more assertive in entering the lane than you were intimidating in trying to prevent me. After all, driving is all about holding your own, isn't it? Thanks for not crashing into me during my mirror signal manoeuvre. Thanks for cheering me up with an expression of rage that looked more like a dancing monkey. Thanks.