what a freaking week

Monday I thought I was coming down with a cold. Upon further inspection, I’ve determined it may be allergies thanks to the No-Winter Winter we had here in the Houston area.

Verdict: GLOBAL WARMING.

Tuesday was primary day, or “Super Tuesday” as it’s become known on the 24-hour news networks. I voted for the candidate I felt is most qualified — because her resume kicks everybody else’s resumes ass — and was treated to opinions on Social Media about how she’s Evil and a Criminal and Untrustworthy.

Right. Because all the other politicians are squeaky clean.

Verdict: SEXISM.

Wednesday the Internet was all over Chris Christie and his appearance at Trump’s press conference. The majority of humans agree the Christie endorsement of Trump was surprising and weird. But now we know why he did it.

Thursday night was another GOP debate. The debate had barely gotten underway before Trump referenced the size of his schlong. Honestly, his defensiveness makes me think it’s more of a schling than a schlong, but I digress.

More than once during the “debate” three of the candidates were talking at the same time, so loudly not one person could be understood. Mothers across the US used their mom-voice at the TV to warn: “Don’t make me come back there! I will turn this car around, do you understand?!”