How to Find Love, Peace and Happiness

This article was co-authored by Adam Dorsay, Psy.D.. Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist working in private practice in San Jose, CA. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. He is the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and currently consults with Digital Ocean, assisting their Safety Team. He received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.

There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

In order to find love, peace, and happiness you need to focus both on finding inner peace and love, as well as promoting goodness and peace in the world. This can be hard to do, especially when life is difficult, full of obstacles, and busy beyond belief. However, prioritizing peace, love, and happiness in yourself and the world can focus your priorities, clear your mind, and give you a positive direction in life.

Figure out your personal motivations. Attaining happiness does not happen the same way for everyone. Some people require money and power to be happy, while others focus on personal betterment and inner peace in order to find happiness. You need to figure out what will motivate you in life.[1]

Look closely at your skills, your life situation, and the world around you. With these in mind, it will help you know what you can do that will be fulfilling and motivating.

For many people, a mixture of financial security and following your dreams is at the core of their motivations. Working in a job that focuses on making a difference in the world can build financial security, personal fulfillment, and a better world.

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Work on forgiveness. A key element of finding peace, as well as being able to focus on love and happiness, is embracing forgiveness. Forgiving others, for what they have done to you, to people you love, or to themselves, can release a huge amount of stress and disappointment from your life. This is not to say that forgiveness is easy. It can take time to work through the pain, hurt, and disappointment others can cause. However, working on mending relationships and moving on from pain can lead you to find much greater levels of love, peace, and happiness than would occur if you hold onto it.

First, you need to be willing to reach out to the person or people who have hurt you. Then you need to communicate why you are upset or hurt, be able to discuss the issue calmly, apologize for your part, and accept an apology, if it is forthcoming.[2]

Sometimes forgiveness simply means letting go of pain and disappointment. If you cannot speak to the person who caused you pain, you can still work on forgiveness. Identify what issues or incidents are causing you pain and work on changing your thoughts and emotions around that experience. Put negative feelings aside and shift your thoughts from resentfulness by identifying the benefits of letting those bad feelings go.

Learn to accept yourself. Part of developing your inner love, peace, and happiness is valuing all the parts of yourself. This may mean accepting a physical characteristic that you have always disliked, or embracing a personality trait that you have always seen as a flaw.[3]

One way to accept yourself is to identify what your best attributes and strengths are. Maybe you are a loving person or you are a skilled painter. Maybe you are both. Try writing these down positive attributes so that you can be reminded of them every morning or when you are having a particularly rough day.

Accepting yourself also means coming to terms with your failures and places where you need improvement. Accepting these things is the first step towards changing things for the better. Make a list of things you would like to change, but they must be possible to change, and begin steps to make these positive changes.

Create a daily happiness practice. What can you do every day to improve your mood and your outlook? Finding contentment in yourself can be a great step toward finding overall love, peace, and happiness. This contentment is more likely if you find something to be happy about every day. A regular happiness practice will guarantee that you find that thing every day.[4]

Some people find happiness in daily spiritual practice. Some people find happiness through daily exercise or time in nature. Whatever you think will clear your mind and enliven your energy, try it for awhile to see if it will improve your life.

One way to care for yourself is to take at least a few minutes every day to meditate and relax. Simply stop all your thoughts, relax your body, and come to rest for one minute. If you like, visualize the cosmos around you or a universe full of stars. Put your hands in your lap, with your back straight and your stomach relaxed. Then bring your mind completely to rest.

Emily Silva Hockstra Career & Life Coach

Unplug for a few minutes every day. Emily Hockstra, an author and life coach, says: "Take time every single day for silence or meditation. If you're constantly being distracted, you'll never find peace because there's too much information for us to actually calm down. You have to give yourself that time where you're not plugged in, or talking to anyone, or even listening to music."

Develop meaningful relationships. Love is created and spread through your relationships with other people. In order to find love, you need to establish and develop relationships with other people. These could be romantic relationships, but they could also be friendships or new relationships with family members.

Building meaningful relationships requires that you focus on being kind and respectful to the people in your life.

Establish trust by being someone that is engaged and honest when friends need help or advice.

Love begins with friendship and respect and love is reciprocal. If you show others that you love them love is more likely to come back your way. This can be daunting, as it exposes your inner feelings, but the risk is worth it because of the potential reward.

Be kind to others. Promoting love, peace, and happiness requires that you yourself spread these things out into the world. Start by taking the time to be kind to others. This could mean just being polite to people you meet on the street, being present for your friends and family, or seeking out opportunities to spread kindness, for instance volunteering to help others in need.

Spread love in the world. Spreading love can mean a variety of things. It could mean telling your friends and family that you love them. It could be that you spread love in the world through your actions, for instance volunteering to help someone in need. Whatever you can do to show others the love and compassion you have for them, do it.[5]

Work on expressing your love clearly and convincingly. This usually requires a combination of words and action. Just telling your parents that you love them is not enough. Show them with your actions, for instance helping them around the house or visiting regularly, as well as your words.

Commit to promoting nonviolence and world peace. Help charity organizations and nonprofits that are working to promote world peace. This could be an organization with a broad mission, such as ending war, or it could be an organization with a more focused mission, such as ending violence in your community.[6]

Recognize the many opportunities that the internet offers. There are many organizations in the world who work for a better future through nonviolent means and you can find them through the internet. Find an organization by doing internet searches for causes that you believe in. Then contact the organizations you find about what volunteer opportunities they have available.

Adam Dorsay, Psy.D.

Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker

Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist working in private practice in San Jose, CA. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. He is the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and currently consults with Digital Ocean, assisting their Safety Team. He received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.

Adam Dorsay, Psy.D. Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker

Find something both meaningful and challenging. Adam Dorsay, a licensed psychologist, says: “One way of finding happiness is doing something both meaningful and challenging that creates flow and states of engagement. As you do this, you’re more likely to become fully immersed in what you’re doing. These activities can come from work, extracurricular activities, or joining a cause that really matters, just to name a few paths.”

Teach children to be kind and considerate. Part of promoting love, peace, and happiness is to teach the next generation about its importance. Kids should be taught to help others, to be kind to others, and to respect others, including respecting people all over the world. If they are taught from an early age that love, peace, and happiness are the key ingredients for a better world, they will be more likely to work towards promoting these ideals.[7]

Speak out against injustice.[8] A happy world is a world of love, peace, and prosperity for all. Humanity is one family. In a good family, all family members contribute to the success of the entire family. With this in mind, it is our social responsibility to work to end injustice. If one part of our human family is in need or treated unfairly, it is all our responsibility to end that injustice.

Working to eliminate injustice will not only help others to find love, peace, and happiness, it could help you as well. Working for and with others can help you to connect more deeply and concretely with a wide variety of people, expanding your community and giving your more opportunities to experience love and happiness.

Remember to take care of your basic needs. There is a danger along the path of unconditional, all-encompassing love that you can forget to take care of yourself as well. We can overwhelm ourselves and work so hard that we have no energy left for our own happiness. In order to work toward love, peace, and happiness for others, you must take care of yourself.

A path of exhaustion only leads to burn-out, not to enlightenment. Practice spiritually that is balanced for the development of the self and for the happiness of all people.

Along with feeding yourself and keeping a roof over your head, which is physical self care, overall self care requires that you remember your emotional well-being as well. Caring for your emotional well being requires that you manage stress, take the time for fun and happiness, and have people in your life that you can rely on.

About This Article

This article was co-authored by Adam Dorsay, Psy.D.. Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist working in private practice in San Jose, CA. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. He is the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and currently consults with Digital Ocean, assisting their Safety Team. He received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.

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Sushil Mahaldar

Jul 23, 2018

"Knowing that love is the gift you give to another to make them happy was helpful. I was looking to wikiHow to see how this could be used to train leaders worldwide to focus on sharing happiness."..." more

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Breanne Chambers

Dec 13, 2016

"I have had a lot of trouble finding peace and happiness because of school, work, and my family. This article helped me with finding time for myself and not always others."..." more