Tuesday, March 22, 2016

My heart has been so heavy the last couple of days. Hearing of a couple Matt and I used to know "back in the day" who have lost their 6 year old foster daughter, ripped away from them at the decision of DCFS. You can read about it here www.lexipetition.com It brought back so many memories of my Sissy. I in no way want to compare my situation as they had their little girl for 5 years and I had mine for 8 months. My Sissy never called me mommy but she did cling to me as I put her in that car on the final day (and many family visitations during those 8 months). Another difference is they have taken this Lexi on a social worker's interpretation of a law and not really for what the law was intended to do, that never happened in my case. But the "why" is the same. Why would God allow both girls to be taken from loving Christian homes? An answer that I will never understand. Through social media there have been other stories popping up, public infidelity within the church, terrorist attacks, a joke of a presidential election, others too sad to name…I woke up thinking, I don't know if I have it in me to watch the news today or be on social media.

I opened my bible to the book of John this morning, needing to be close to Jesus. I got to the middle of chapter one where John the Baptist saw Jesus coming and he said,"Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world." (John 1:29) I cried. We needed someone who would take away the sin of the world. I saw some pictures last night on social media that reminded me in just a glimpse how wicked and sinful this place really is and we need rescuing. We need someone to take it away. The good news. He did. Or He will. He paid the price and He is going to come back and make all of this right. This week is Easter. Such a sweet reminder that He died for all of this. This is not how it all ends. He came as the Lamb of God, the ultimate sacrifice, to take away the sin of the world. He came to rescue us. In days like this it gives us hope. I need hope. Hope there is something better than all of this. A better future.

For those of you who don't have hope, those who don't believe any of this and are discouraged. If you want to read more about the hope I am talking about you can in the book of John in the bible or you can privately ask me. There is only one man who doesn't disappoint, one man who I have put my trust in even when things don't go my way or He doesn't answer me the way I would like. When fresh wounds are opened remembering the little girl I lost 6 years ago and yet I still put my hope and trust in Him. I keep reminding myself that if life was perfect, filled with love, I would never see my need for Him. I would never want Him.

I held my two girls tight last night as we prayed for Lexi. My two beautiful girls that could have been taken from me up until the moment of adoption. Reminded what a miracle that was in itself. They are two of God's greatest gifts to me. If there would have remained Sissy in our lives, there probably would not be Lucy. Ivy reminded me of that.

Sorry for the rambling. I look over all of this and it is a hodgepodge not making a lot of sense. (As a lot of my posts usually do). :) This week as Resurrection Sunday approaches, I am going to continually thank Jesus for bringing us hope. That day when He rose from the grave, He ushered in hope. He paid for all of this ugliness on the cross. It is finished. Hallelujah!