When it comes to desirability, it is better to have our own self as a reference point, than some twisted standard evolved by the society. In any case, men want desirable women and sometimes men. And women want desirable men, and sometimes women. And it is all fine. But a twisted understanding of desirability and what falls under ‘highly desirable’ is what is not fine.

Desirable doesn’t mean the vain adjectives of pretty / handsome / hot / sexy. Desirability is not and cannot be confined to the physical. The dictionaries define “Desirable” as “worth having or wanting; pleasant, excellent or fine.” That could be anything. And if you identify yourself with your body parts, might as well use the mind instead of the genitals 🙂

Any man or woman who has dreamed of a future has probably created an image of what he or she would desire most in their partner. On those matrimonial websites, when you look at the “partner preference” section – you can see words like “tall, beautiful / handsome, good looking, slim, fair” – does it not enrage you? Why do people forget that “Gora rang (Exterior features) do din mein dhal jayega”? 🙂

Here are 9 Characteristics of Highly Desirable People :-

They do not chase people

Because that’s not desirable. That’s borderline desperate. In fact, actually desperate. You will do much more progress in life when you are chasing your goals, not people. Because guess what happens when you catch up with your goals? People start noticing you for your achievements.

Highly desirable people would rather chase their own awesomeness, because they know running after people is just a waste of time. They also know that it is a much better idea to become better versions of their own selves. That’s what makes people more desirable – their carefree, confident attitude. They are complete in themselves. Do CLICK ‘ & the Secret to Managing People is…‘

They are emotionally resilient

Emotional quotient, more than intelligence quotient – is one of the main ingredients of a happy life. Developing high EQ could be one of the most desirable characteristics a person could have.

You won’t find desirable people moping about every bad relationship or failure in their lives. They don’t waste their time and energy in harbouring useless emotions and becoming teenage drama queens.

Emotional strength is a rare quality that makes one appreciate that people are different and increases acceptance and tolerance. A highly recommended quality, should you desire to become desirable!

They avoid being gossip queens

If you have time to gossip, you have too much time. You must have heard:

“Small minds discuss people. Great minds discuss ideas”.

Your greatness and desirability as an individual lies in your ability to have meaningful conversations with people, talk about relevant stuff and progress with shared experiences. And not in bringing people down.

Rather use your time productively than for indulging in petty gossip. Gossip and too much talking creates drama. Petty gossip, useless talking, and drama is for school girls who do not know better — not the desirable people that want to be looked up at.

They are attention earners

And not attention seekers.

When you have created an awesome life and you are busy enjoying it, you won’t get time to constantly update the world about your awesome life (Which no one is interested in, FYI). The right people then stop to take notice on their own!

Let your goals be real, your efforts be real, your actions be real and your heart be genuine. That’s what will earn you attention and make you look more desirable than ever.

They just do not go relationship crazy!

For highly desirable people, their charm comes from their own self. They are not looking for completion of the apparent holes in their heart, they are not addicted to having someone to be romantic with all the time and they are not someone who are so boring they can’t live with themselves!

For them, desirability is about not losing themselves to create happiness for someone else. They have a life of their own that goes beyond the relationship. They don’t cling to their boyfriends or girlfriends constantly.

They don’t lose sight of their goals and dreams for love. They don’t lose their identity. Desirable people make smart decisions about how much time they are willing to devote to their relationships and to their goals. They set their priorities. They let their relationships add to their lives — not become their whole lives. You may want to CLICK ‘ Why it is absolutely OK to be Single‘

They have hobbies and passions

Desirable people make massive efforts to become better at their hobbies and passions. That’s one of their most endearing qualities. They are at a constant war with their own selves. If there is any competition they are looking to beat, it is their best self so far, so that they can become better.

And they most certainly know that desirability isn’t about wasting their lives with mindless addictions, like running away from their problems to alcohol and drugs, staring at their mobile phones all day etc. They use their time to take up hobbies and work on improving.

Some of the most desirable women are the ones who care deeply about the things they are passionate about. They spend most of their living walking moments trying to do more of those things. That’s what defines them and makes them more desirable.

They show some gratitude

Genuine desirability comes from a deep rooted sense of calmness and self-assurance. It is because such people have made efforts towards seeing the world as it really is, without pretence and prejudice.

And that’s why they are thankful. They don’t hanker over petty issues like gender and class. They have risen above that and realize that gratitude to the world, to the people around us – for irrevocably contributing to our lives – is one of the best ways to be happy.

They know how to rise above Pettiness

People who know the meaning of desirability, also know how to take pride in who they are. They know that grace and elegance are not qualities you compromise with. It’s not about their appearance but their aura. What makes them highly desirable is that they don’t worry about their physical shortcomings. They fix what they can and carry themselves with elegance and charm that only a lady can possess.

While they are not vain, they know grace is about confidence. To the best of their capacities, they dress well and know how to exude that killer confidence.

What makes this all the more easier is that they know grace does not come with expensive fashion choices. It comes with self-confidence.

They are brilliant communicators

They have clarity of thought and it shows in the words they choose, no matter which language those words are in. The confidence that they exude can easily win over hearts. They are logical with the right mix of rationality and emotion. They know how to win over with honesty and innocence in their conversations. Click ‘ 7 Habits of highly Ineffective Communicators‘

They will let you talk, make you feel wanted, hear you with compassion, and show genuineness in their interactions. They know how important it is to be a good communicator and they also know what it takes to be one.

At the end, it is you who decides what is desirable to you and what isn’t. But these are definitely some aspects one can work on. My only request is that we move beyond the shallowness that is the physical – race, gender, looks, and physique. none of this matters or stays for life. Only the kind of person you really are does.

Your colour or beauty or outer shells will fade. But what’s truly desirable is building inside every day. And it only gets brighter and shinier with time! So, which of these 9 are missing from your life?

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Join 50,000+ other smart people who regularly pursue my life hacks, career advices & some non-conventional inspiration. They tell me that my emails help them bunk the junk stuff in life. Check for yourself.