“The little bugger’s a total prat, but I’ll admit that he’s an attractive prat,” I muttered to Emma as we sat in the Gryffindor Common room after dinner.

“And that’s what makes all the difference to the mindless girls in this school,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“Wait’ll Rose finds out.”

“She’ll probably go ballistic.”

“That’s an understatement, Emma. She’ll go into a fit of insanity and rage,” I said knowingly.

“I know a great hiding spot by the Greenhouses, if it ever gets that desperate,” Emma responded, scratching her nose with her quill and dipping it into the ink so that she could add another word to her Transfiguration essay. I’d already finished mine three days ago (much to the express joy of Burly, Blondie and Blue Eyes, who had managed to nick it from me despite the fact that it was hidden in the bottom of my trunk), and was currently lazing around, being a stalker, and…well, stalking people.

Like Hugo, for example.

Who was currently surrounded by a crowd of his adoring fans, aka the Blonde Bimbo Bunch.

Like how I did that? You know – Blonde Bimbo Bunch? Clever, right? Right? Right?

Whatever, I’m awesome.

“Hey, Ariadne.”

I whirled around at the sound of Al’s voice, but he had already dropped down next to me. So I pretty much ended up looking like one of those clueless, hyperactive-like-a-deranged-squirrel people who jump around at the sound of their names. Emma snickered from next to me, and I shoved her off of the couch.

“Ow!” She yelled as she landed heavily on the ground.

“Hiya, Al,” I said loudly over her cursing.

Oh my god, please tell me that I did not just say ‘Hiya’.

“Whatcha doing?” he asked cheerfully.

“Debating on how long it’ll take Rose to have a cow,” I responded happily.

“My best guess is that she’ll see Hugo, take a couple minutes to register, and then completely blow up,” Al stated.

I love how we both know exactly why Rose would have a cow.

Once again, we should totally get married.

“Yo, yo, yo, It’s the A-dawgs!!” Burly exclaimed happily as he sat down on the other side of me. Emma had gotten up and moved over to the solitary armchair, occasionally shooting me murderous glares due to her sore arse. She’ll get over it.

“Burly, don’t ever do that again.”

“In da hizz-house! Fo shizzle ma nizzle!”

“Scottie, seriously. Give it up. You’re not a gangster.”

Burly sniffed, clearly offended. “Doesn’t mean I can’t try.”

“Love, you have a British accent. It doesn’t work,” I told him. He pouted.

“MATES!” Blondie yelled, bounding over to us and plopping himself at my feet. “Female mate!” he added, upon seeing my dry expression.

“That makes it sound as if you’re like…fucking her or something,” Blue Eyes said, walking over casually and sitting on the side of the couch closest to Emma. He shot her a shy glance, but she was scribbling furiously at her essay and didn’t notice.

“Ew, I would never fuck Ariadne,” Blondie said, sounding scandalized and quite disgusted.

“Oi, what’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Wait, no – ” Blondie said loudly, his eyes widening in horror, “I didn’t mean it like that! I mean, you are quite attractive, Ariadne! Really! Some would even say that you’re outright hot! In fact, I’d fuck you any day! Even right now, if you wanted me to! Well, not right right now; we’d have to go upstairs first because I’m pretty sure publicly fucking each other would be damaging to everyone’s mental well-being –”

I smacked a hand to my forehead. Merlin’s striped trousers, these boys are completely wacko.

“Well…anyway,” Blondie finished feebly, “I wouldn’t fuck Ariadne because she’s already like my little sister. And that would be inc–”

“This is the part where you stop talking,” I cut across, my cheeks burning.

“Okay.” He scrunched down towards the floor and put his head against my knees, staring sulkily at the fire. He’ll get over it.

“Dude, look at Hugo!” Al said suddenly, jerking his head towards said Hugo. We turned around to look at him and immediately burst out into laughter as we watched Hugo’s eyes widen in horror. He stumbled back away from the girl who was currently holding her shirt wide open towards him.

“But I got your name tattooed on them – you have to at least touch them once!”

Hugo shook his head wildly, squeezing his eyes shut and continuing to back blindly away from her. She had grabbed his hands and was trying to pull them up to her chest, telling him loudly that he just had to touch them, otherwise it totally wasn’t fair!

Burly was rolling around on the ground next to Blondie, and Al was quite literally sobbing as he pounded his fists into the sofa and howled with desperate laughter.

Sexy.

“Oh my god,” I said faintly, staring in incredulous fear as the girl continued to assault poor old Hugo.

This is the part where I save the day, methinks.

Shaking Blue Eyes off of my lap, where he was dying with mirth, I walked over to Hugo and his fan girl.

“What’s going on?” I asked, as if I already didn’t know.

The girl turned to me, her eyes spitting fire. “None of your –”

“Ariadne!” Hugo squeaked in relief. “Thank Merlin!” He dived behind me, peeking up over my shoulder at the girl with wide, scared eyes.

“What are you doing, you whore?” she shrieked, letting her shirt flap wildly as she threw her fists down and stomped angrily on the floor. I couldn’t help it – I glanced down at her exposed chest and saw that she had the words ‘Hugo’ and ‘Weasley’ tattooed on each one of her breasts.

…and this is where I start to lose my faith in humanity.

“Saving my good friend Hugo from some psychotic freak who got his name tattooed on her boobs,” I stated. And she’s calling me a whore? Talk about being a hypocrite.

Her mouth dropped open as she assumed the Bitch Stance (hip jutted out, arms crossed over chest, hair tossed fiercely over shoulder).

“I didn’t have sex with anyone!” Hugo said, putting his hands up in self-defense. “That creep was following me around –”

“She’s also telling everyone that she has your name tattooed across her chest!” Lily cut across, furious.

There was a ringing silence as she turned around to look at all of us.

“Don’t tell me it’s true,” she said weakly.

I let out a feeble grin. “I would, but that’d be lying.”

“Holy fucking shit,” Lily said hollowly.

“My sentiments exactly, dearest sister,” Al said, moving over and patting the sofa next to him. “Have a seat; we’re discussing how to calm Rose down so that she doesn’t go all psycho and start running around and murdering the populace of Hogwarts –”

“You’ve given this quite a bit of thought,” Blue Eyes remarked.

Al shrugged, letting out a yelp when Rose smacked him. Oi, don’t touch! That’s my man you’re man-handling! I’d like having him nice and intact, thank you very much.

“I’d be more concerned about Dom, if I were you,” Rose said loftily. “Wait’ll I tell her.”

Dom will have a fucking whale if she finds out. She’ll go around, killing people left and right, going insane and…doing…insane…things. She’s extremely overprotective of Hugo. To a point of…well, insanity.

It’ll be excruciatingly frightening, to say the least.

“No, don’t –” Hugo said desperately, shaking his head wildly. But Rose smiled wickedly as she got up and ran towards the portrait hole to join forces with her other, more protectively insane counterpart.

There was a second of shocked silence while Me, Al, Hugo and Lily stared at each other in horror, then, all at the same time, we jumped up and sprinted at the portrait hole, scrambling out of it rather ungracefully.

“Wait for me!” Burly yelled as he ran after us. “If you’re going to see Dom, I wanna come too –”

“Rose!” I screamed as I sprinted down the hallway after her. Al was running right ahead of me next to Hugo, with Lily trailing slightly near the back of the group. Burly was quickly gaining on us, still spouting something-or-other about how much he adored Dom.

Burly’s such a freak.

I let out a shriek as I slammed into someone and started falling backwards, but two hands quickly latched onto my arms and pulled me upright.

“How about you catch her and I’ll tell you all about it, yeah?” I said, with a tight smile on my face.

“Can I kiss her if I catch her?” Scorp asked, looking thrilled.

“Whatever, I don’t care – oi!”

Merlin, I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone run that fast. Letting out an exasperated, shrill breath, I ran after him.

The things I would kill for a nice, boring life. Honestly.

I sucked in another deep breath as I turned the corner, skidding to an immediate, screeching halt at what lay in front of me. In the next second, me and Lily leaped forward to pull back Al and Hugo, who, both yelling in rage, had started forward to do something stupid and potentially harmful.

To Scorpius, that is.

Who was currently laying on top of Rose with his lips pressed resolutely to hers.

Merlin, I didn’t actually mean it when I said that he could kiss her if he caught her! Why do people take me so literally?! Do I really have to spell it out for the world? Apparently, I do.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT MEAN WHAT I SAY MOST OF THE TIME.

“GET OFF OF MY SISTER –” Hugo was yelling, attempting to pull away from Lily, who was quite red in the face as she attempted to hold him back.

I, on the other hand, had proved myself to be fantastically stupid, since I’d taken my chance at endeavoring to restrain Al Potter, who, I should point out, plays Quidditch, and is therefore insanely strong.

So strong, in fact, that I was currently sitting on his chest, my hands pressed against his shoulders to keep him glued to the floor.

If I wasn’t concerned for my cousin’s well-being, I probably would have really enjoyed this.

“ – bloody kill him if he doesn’t get off of my baby cousin this fucking instant –”

“ – let me at him, Lily, I’ll punch that pretty-boy face –”

“ – get off of me – ”

“EVERYONE CALM DOWN!” I screamed suddenly. A silence fell upon us all, and Scorpius pulled away from a thoroughly bewildered Rose with a loud smacking sound that resonated around the corridor rather awkwardly.

I was sure I looked a bit deranged, with my hair frizzing all over the place, my cheeks burning deep red and my breath labored and loud. “Albus, stop squirming,” I snapped.

He stopped squirming. “Could you just please –”

“Shut. Up.”

He let out a squeak of fear.

“Scorpius, get off of Rose,” I continued in that dark, scary voice that I honestly didn’t even know I possessed. He rolled over onto the floor.

“Okay, first, we are all going to calm down, take a couple of deep yoga breaths, and take this to a civilized setting to discuss what the hell just happened,” I said.

There was a beat of silence as everyone continued to stare at me in alarm.

“Or we could just do it here, while you’re still afraid of me,” I amended. “Let’s start with Scorpius.” I settled more comfortably on Al’s chest, ignoring his grunt of pain as I turned to face a scared-looking Scorp. His eyes darted around for a second before he lay down on the floor again, hiding his face in Rose’s hair.

“I’m sorry, Scorpius Malfoy is not available right now. Please send him an owl and he’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you and have a nice day!” he said nervously in a high voice.

“Scorpius. Up. Now.”

“Okay,” he said meekly, sitting up and staring at me shamefacedly.

“Why did you kiss Rose?” I asked exasperatedly.

“Because…you told me I could?” Scorpius said.

All eyes swiveled to me, abruptly indignant. I threw my hands up in the air. “I didn’t mean it, you fuckwit!”

“So you lied to me?” Scorpius asked, looking scandalized.

“Well, no –”

“So you did tell him he could kiss Rose?” Lily said. Hugo’s stare was slowly turning into a glare.

“No! I mean – yes – but – look, I didn’t think he was actually going to do it!” I finally spluttered out.

“Of course I was; you said I could,” Scorpius stated, as though it was obvious.

“And since when have I decided who gets to kiss Rose?” I threw my hands up in the air again, and Al hissed in pain from underneath me when the motion jostled his chest too much. Whoops. Giving him an apologetic smile, I quickly climbed off and sat down on the floor, ignoring him when he sat up next to me, muttering furiously as he glared at me and massaged the sore spot.

“But – but – you’re her best friend!” Scorpius protested.

“Gee, really? I had no idea.”

“And you said I could –”

“Look, why don’t you ask Rose about all this?” I cut across, exasperated. We looked expectantly at Rose, who was still lying on the ground and gazing at the ceiling in a bewildered sort of way.

“Rose?” Lily said tentatively. “Er…are you okay?”

Rose slowly sat up. “He fucking kissed me again,” she said in a low voice. Scorpius winced at that and started to slowly scoot away from her.

“Er – yes, he did,” I said. I inched backwards, pushing Al’s knee so he would also move away from the psycho.

“Why,” Rose said suddenly, turning around so that she was facing Scorpius, “do you keep bloody kissing me, huh?!”

“Er, well –”

“You shouldn’t fucking go around, kissing random girls left and right just because you can, okay? It’s so fucked up, because then I can’t fucking get you out of my fucking head, even though I fucking hate you, and –”

“Go out with me.”

“ – fucking – what?”

Scorpius looked at her, an imperceptible expression on his face. “Go out with me.”

“Wh – guh – you – No!” Rose spluttered.

He raised an eyebrow. “Sorry, I don’t remember giving you a choice.”

Rose was slowly turning a dangerous shade of tomato red. Abandoning all pretense, we scurried away from her as fast as we could, turning the corner and hiding behind the wall so that we could peek out at them in a protected environment. Lily was crouched on the floor, with me hanging over her, Al hanging over me, then, finally, Hugo standing on his tiptoes so he could also poke his face out.

We’re pretty much the epitome of ‘shameless stalking’.

I’m so proud.

“When have you ever given me a choice?” Rose finally said coldly, surprisingly managing to contain her fiery violent nature.

Al’s breathing on my neck. Oh my god.

Scorpius smirked. “Why would I give you a choice when I already know your answer?”

Rose’s eyes narrowed. “My answer is no.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Yes. It is.”

Scorpius’ smirk widened into a grin. “I know you want me, Rose.”

Lily started convulsing with excitement. “Oh my god, that is so hot!” She whispered.

“Do me a favor and hit her,” Al muttered in my ear. I gulped. Fu-uck. To make sure that I didn’t turn around and start snogging Al’s face off, I cuffed Lily over the head.

He was grinning like the freaking Cheshire Cat. Git. “Your eyes tell me everything I need to know.”

Said eyes narrowed. “Then you probably know that I hate you.”

“No, you don’t,” he moved closer, trapping her face in his hand and leaning closer to her. “Your eyes tell me that you want me,” he breathed.

Lily squealed. I hit her again.

“My eyes aren’t telling you shit, you arse,” Rose breathed back.

Suddenly, he smiled. Smiled. Not smirked, not grinned, but outright smiled. It was the smile that I’d almost forgotten in the recent years, the one where one side pulled up more than the other and a dimple popped out on his left cheek. It’s actually quite dazzling.

Just don’t tell him I said that.

Taking advantage of her shock (and ours too, probably) he leaned forward slightly and kissed her softly on the mouth, his hand moving from her chin to her side of her face, fingers sliding through her hair.

I gasped. Al gasped. Hugo gasped. Lily squealed again. This time all three of us hit her.

He pulled away after an excruciating three minutes and kissed her once on the cheek, once on her forehead, then once more, softly and quickly, on her lips. For a second he stayed there, his eyes closed, a quiet smile at his mouth as he brushed his nose over Rose’s.

Then, abruptly, he was standing up, dusting his robes off as though nothing had happened.

“I’ll pick you up at eleven in the entrance hall on Saturday,” he said in a normal voice.

Rose gaped at him. “Wh –”

“Wear something nice, yeah?” He grinned down at her. “See you then, Rose.”

“Huh?”

But he had already walked away, hands nonchalantly in his pockets, with Rose still sprawled on the floor, staring after him in complete and utter disbelief.

We were still standing there in shock when Burly found us, panting heavily.

“Wh – what happened?” he gasped, doubling over and clutching his chest. The four of us whipped around to look at him.

“I think Scorpius and Rose are dating,” I finally said.

“What?”

We just looked at him.

“What do you mean, you think?” he asked again, looking warily from face to face.

“Well…he never exactly asked her,” I said in confusion, “and she never exactly said yes.”

“Then how do you –”

“This is Malfoy we’re talking about, Scottie,” Hugo finally said, shaking his head in wonder, “he just manages to pull these things off.”

There was a beat of silence as everyone stared at me, and then they all burst out into loud, raucous laughter.

I scowled. Gits.

some more giggles for youuu :) the hugo part in the beginning made me laugh; i always wanted to write an insane fangirl scene (yeah, i'm weird), so i thought i'd torture hugo since he's just adorable. please tell me i'm not the only one who laughed?!

so, after this, just one more chapter until the spree is over :/ but it's okay, i have chapter 18 written out and ready for when it's this story's turn in the queue :) and i'm thinking, as of right now, that this is going to be maybe around 25-30 chapters? maybe less....i'm not perfectly sure. but i'm starting to wrap some (okay, one) of these relationships up, so the rest are soon to follow! i haven't decided on whether or not i want everyone get a happy ending just yet...and you'll probably hate me, but i don't think i really want another deja vu unrealistic situation here. but we'll see how things go :)

i loooved reading favorite quotes last chapter, they made me smile :) so please review and tell me what you think?