News from the week that was

Sunday

May 12, 2013 at 6:00 AMMay 12, 2013 at 7:28 AM

By Dianne Williamson

To echo the poet William Wordsworth, the world was “too much with us” last week. Or maybe we were cursed by the Chinese proverb: “May you live in interesting times,” along with the wise Latin idiom: “A dead terrorist always brings out the whackos.”

For whatever reason, Worcester was overwhelmed with News of the Weird. On Main Street, the body of the alleged Boston Marathon bomber attracted prime-time attention from Anderson Cooper before he was snuck out of the city and secretly buried in a Virginia cemetery (the accused terrorist, of course, not Anderson Cooper). On the city’s West Side, its well-heeled denizens were stunned when investigators announced that a Beechmont Street basement contained a steel cage, butchering tools and torture devices. Residents were also shocked to learn that the carpet totally clashed with the designer window treatments.

Meanwhile, the bishop of the Diocese of Worcester surrendered to a higher authority after he was arrested in Rhode Island for drunken driving and leaving the scene of a personal injury accident. The driver of the other car was reportedly injured when he learned the bishop’s identity and was blinded by dollar signs.

Indeed, we’ve been so distracted by the goings-on that I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that the controversial slots parlor was built while no one was looking and is now fully operational. But while we’re keeping a close eye on that, let’s review some other news that fell by the wayside:

• Finally, the City Council did something perfect. All 11 councilors co-sponsored an order recommending that an area behind City Hall be named “Paul V. Mullaney Plaza,” in honor of the 93-year-old city resident. A former judge, mayor, city councilor and war hero, Mullaney is a former neighbor and one of the finest men I know. No one deserves the honor more.

• We haven’t had time to spit on the obnoxious Abercrombie and Fitch guy. As if teenagers aren’t self-conscious enough, CEO Mike Jeffries says he only wants thin, beautiful and “cool” kids to wear his clothes.

“In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids,” Jeffries explained. “Candidly, we go after the cool kids ... A lot of people don’t belong (in our clothes) and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely.”

Is this guy a jackass? Absolutely. Let’s all be extra cool and boycott his snooty stores.

•We’ve been too busy to notice that Chris Christie will soon be able to squeeze through sewer grates. The rotund New Jersey governor revealed that he underwent lap-band surgery in February, claiming he did it for his family and not because Americans would never elect a porker for president. Plus, he reportedly has his eye on a pair of Abercrombie and Fitch cargo pants.

• We almost forgot about the existence of a loathsome little creature named Kim Jong-un and his penchant for sentencing innocent Americans to hard labor for nonexistent hostile acts. Oops, he did it again!

• Our 401(k)s are soaring so high that some of us have been going to the office for no reason at all. Hey! We forgot to retire!

•We didn’t even blink when a jury finally delivered the right verdict in a high-profile murder case. For some reason, the media insisted we become consumed with Jodi Arias and whether she killed her boyfriend in self-defense or simply because she’s a violent whack job, and we obliged. But it was clear that the jury, after hearing 18 days of Arias’ graphic and often bizarre testimony, was able to determine that she was lying by carefully reviewing the evidence, listening to police accounts, and watching her lips move on the witness stand.

• South Carolina forgave Mark Sanford and took him back. His wife, not so much.