Disclaimer: I have absolutely no rights
whatsoever. For daydreaming purposes only. XD

Warning: "Moderately" mature
content. You'll see…

Summary: Requiem for a fellow Heretic.

A/N:
Kanzeon Bosatsu be praised! Have only just gotten acquainted
with the Saiyuki boys this summer. Found myself wondering what kind of sick
person goes about fantasizing about fictional, animated characters. Then
I found you lot! Thank the gods I'm not alone…XD (Tell you what, I choose to
believe that Sanzo (growl) and Gojyo (drool), as well as Hakkai and Goku and
all the rest, do exist in an alternate dimension somewhere…)

This
is my first Saiyuki fic. My first anime fic, in fact. As well as my first foray
into M/M pairing! (Wipes sweat from forehead...) Reviews would be much
appreciated!

---

Crap. He flipped over onto his back and
flung a strong brown arm over his forehead. You'd think he would be exhausted,
after today. You'd think his beat-up body would surely succumb to the bliss of
a well-earned few hours' oblivion. But no… and the more he tried to get to
sleep, the wider-awake he became.

He
fumbled over for his discarded vest to check his watch – two goddamn thirty in
the morning. Dammit, he was bone-tired and soul-weary, so why couldn't he
sleep? His muttering and restlessness caused the nearest person beside him to
growl as his sleep was disturbed. Alabaster skin gleamed in the moonlight as a
blonde head turned the other way, cursing softly in the dark.

He
winced as he waited for the click of the gun, but it never came; as the ivory
shoulders resumed the steady, rhythmic breathing of one asleep. He released the
breath he'd been holding and ruefully ran long fingers through his crimson
hair. Carefully – carefully – he extracted a crushed pack of smokes, plus his
battered lighter, and replaced his vest to the side, and eased up from his cot.
They'd all had to share one room again tonight, worse luck, and this time the
monkey had won the bed, lucky little shit… Maybe that's why he was having
trouble getting to sleep, what with being black and blue all over and having to
sleep on the floor, while Goku was sleeping all sprawled over the nice comfy
bed, from what he could make of the sheets. He looked at the bed longingly, a
nasty plan starting to brew in his mind, before reluctantly giving up the idea.
Hell, let the saru snore. He deserved it, after what he'd been through today.

Turning
away, he gingerly stepped over a sleeping form, with Hakuryu curled up at the side
of her master. "Hmm? … Gojyo, what's wrong? Where are you going?"
Hakkai whispered sleepily.

"Can't
sleep. Going out for a smoke."

"Demo,
are you sure –" Gojyo placed a firm hand on Hakkai's shoulder and urged
him back down, as Hakkai struggled to prop himself up. "Go back to sleep
you worrywart. Won't be gone long, I promise."

"'Kay…"
Hakkai sighed, falling back into an exhausted sleep. Gojyo looked down at his
friend for a long moment. Poor guy was almost drained, no surprise considering
all he'd done today – first taking on that whole army alone, and then that
immense battle of will afterwards… Gojyo reached down and pulled the blanket up
to Hakkai's chin, glanced over to make sure pretty boy ice maiden was also
sleeping soundly, and made his way soundlessly out the door and down the stairs
to the inn's veranda.

---

Downstairs, he stopped short to see a small
figure hunched over in the corner, white t-shirt just visible in the shadows,
and the gleam of the golden diadem catching the moonlight as the head and
shoulders shook.

He
approached slowly. "Oi, bakazaru, are you sneaking a smoke in the dead of
night? A certain purple-eyed monster won't like that, you know…" He aimed
for a lighthearted tone, unsure of how to proceed. When no retort came back, he
dropped down to his haunches beside Goku, who was sitting with knees drawn up,
arms wrapped around his legs and his face buried in his arms. Gojyo laid a
tentative hand on the monkey's shoulder, sure now of his suspicions. Poor kid
was crying.

"Oi,
Goku…" he said softly, all teasing gone from his lazy, seductive voice. "What's
wrong, saru?" he asked gently. When the shoulder didn't shrug off his
hand, his grip grew firmer, more authoritative. He turned Goku to face him,
fully prepared for a kick in the face or a punch to send him flying. But Goku
surprised him by lifting his tear-streaked face and burying it against Gojyo's
chest, his small wiry arms reaching out to engulf Gojyo as if he were Goku's
last lifeline.

Cheeks
pink, Gojyo held Goku gently and stroked his head, and he felt his bare chest
grow wet with Goku's silent tears. Bewildered and embarrassed, he waited for
the storm to pass. It didn't take long. After a while Goku pushed him away and
turned aside to wipe his face unabashedly with his t-shirt. Done, he scooted
over and sat with his back against the wall, legs stretched out, beside Gojyo.

Gojyo
copied his form and they sat in silence for a while, broken only by the
occasional shuddering sighs typical of one who's had a good long cry. Gojyo lit
up a cigarette, the flame of his lighter briefly illuminating a deep sorrow in
Goku's golden eyes. He took a deep drag, exhaled, and squinted through the
smoke at the kid beside him.

"Wanna
tell Gojyo about it, saru?" Goku bowed his head. Gojyo shrugged and turned
to look off in the distance.

"Gojyo…"
Goku began hesitatingly, and stopped. He frowned and looked away. Gojyo
understood. This was something new and awkward for them both, to talk like
this, apart from petty arguments over food, or the heat, or cold, or whatever.
Their confidantes were normally the other two upstairs, respectively. But
perhaps this was something that the monkey couldn't discuss with his shining
idol. Gojyo narrowed his eyes, considering, and then made his decision.

"Listen,
I'll probably get a bullet in the head for this, but… wanna try?" He
offered Goku the glowing cigarette. Goku's eyes widened, then set in firm
resolve. He took the burning stick between thumb and forefinger and lifted it
to his lips.

"Gaaaakkkkk!…."
Goku erupted into a coughing fit after the first puff, and Gojyo had to whack
him on the back, glancing fearfully up the window to their room, sure he'd seen
a glimpse of golden hair. Well fuck you, Sanzo, the kid needs it right now, he
glared.

The
fit subsided, and they resumed sitting in silence, while Gojyo lit another
cigarette for himself. He observed as the monkey took a few more tentative
puffs, wrinkling his nose slightly and trying to hide a disgusted expression.
Gojyo hid a smile, then leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

"Gojyo…"
Goku said again.

"Hmm?"
he peered at Goku with one eye.

"Why
did Homura have to die?"

Ah,
so that was it. Gojyo glanced up once more, but whatever he thought he'd seen
earlier was gone now. The window was empty.

"I
wouldn't have… wouldn't have fought him if I had known I was gonna kill him… I
wouldn't have…" Goku choked and swallowed as the tears brimmed in his
large, innocent eyes once more.

"I
knew he was our enemy, that he wanted the sutra, that what he wanted to do was
wrong… Dammit, he hurt Sanzo! He slashed Sanzo down the chest… And even when we
were in that other place, that new world he had created, when he couldn't
defeat me, he went after Sanzo again! … But… but… I didn't want him to die,
Gojyo… Nande? … Nande, Gojyo? Why did Homura have to die? Why do
I feel this way?"

Golden
eyes pleaded with him as the tears poured down over boyish cheeks. And he knew
he had only one answer to give.

Taking
the forgotten cigarette out of Goku's fingers, he flicked it carelessly away to
the darkness and took a deep drag from his own, before it followed suit. He
exhaled deeply and stood up, hooking his hands in the back pockets of his jeans
and walking out a little way to lean on one of the veranda posts. Crimson eyes
glittered in the moonlight as he answered Goku the only way he knew how –
brutally, honestly, sincerely.

"I
don't know, saru. Sometimes that's just the way things are. As to why Homura
died, you know the answer as much as I do. He had human blood in him. He said
so himself. His time was up, and he chose you to deliver him. That's all there
is to it. But he died happy, just as Sanzo told you. "Be honored, Son
Goku," Homura said. You should be."

"But…"
Goku protested, frustrated at his own conflicting emotions. "Why do I feel
not honor, but horror? Why? He was our enemy, wasn't he? Why do I feel
so… so broken, so… empty… when I think that I won't ever have the chance to
fight him again someday? Why am I sad, Gojyo? Why do these tears fall for
him?"

"Goku…"
Gojyo walked softly back to where Goku had slumped against the wall. He lifted
the boy to his feet and placed both hands on his shoulders, stooping to look at
the monkey squarely in the eye.

"You
cry because you loved him."

"What
are you talking about, you asshole!" Goku thrashed and kicked at Gojyo in
defiance, in denial, but Gojyo held firm, despite the monkey's undeniable
strength, willing Goku to face up to the truth.

"It's
true. And it's okay. Sometimes we meet people like that… sometimes we find
ourselves in situations where we know he is our sworn enemy, that it's him or
us, kill or be killed, but we love that person just the same… Because he shows
us how strong we really are, he challenges us to dare greater things, he
awakens us to infinite possibilities… he – he gives us second chances… And we
love that person with a ferocity equal only to the hate we must feel, we should
feel, because we stand on opposite sides…. And when the fight has been decided,
when the dust has settled, whatever the outcome, honor and horror both mean
nothing and everything at the same time, because it all comes down in the end
to that thing which you deny – love. … And it's nothing to be ashamed of, saru.
We just have to be a man about it and accept it."

Gojyo's
voice cracked, as unfathomable sorrow flooded his scarlet eyes, and suddenly
Goku's own eyes widened in comprehension, in understanding … and finally with
pity and sympathy.

"Okay,
saru? You got that?" Gojyo squeezed Goku's shoulders hard, then released
him and whirled around swiftly to resume his position by the porch column.
Shadows flickered on the hard planes of his face as he lit another smoke.

Goku
walked up to him slowly and stood at his back for a long time. Finally, boyish
arms hugged him from behind and he felt Goku press his forehead against his
back. "Thank you Gojyo…" the boy whispered hoarsely. Gojyo reached
back to muss the kid's hair. "That's okay," he answered gruffly. "Now
go on back up and stop wasting that soft, comfortable bed, or a bad-tempered
monk will kill me."

He
stayed down at the veranda for some time more, sprawled on the deck, enjoying
the dark and the cool air and the moonlight, as thoughts of Jien filled his
mind's eye.

After
a while he became aware of someone behind him, and he sighed without turning
around. "Okay, okay, Hakkai, I'm going back to bed." He crushed out
his last cigarette and made to get up.

Lean
arms the color of alabaster encircled his shoulders from behind, hard as marble
and strong as steel, crossing at his chest. He felt the warm touch of a strong
torso press against his bare back. Heart hammering wildly, he turned his head
in surprise and confusion.

"Sanz--uhmmmm…."
he groaned, as hard silky lips captured his mouth in a long, open-mouthed kiss
that drew deep moans from his throat. His eyes closed as he felt the other's
hard, moist tongue sluice through his own wide-open mouth, and he found his
hands reaching up to thread his fingers through silky blonde hair … Gojyo's
heart slammed in his chest as Sanzo flooded his senses, all lean muscle, fine
skin, silken hair, and tongue and lips, hard and wet and so possessively
burning hot, flooding his veins with molten fire.

Gojyo
swallowed hard in silent protest as the golden head drew back and deep purple
eyes gazed hotly into his own. "Thank you, kappa…" that deep,
dangerous voice drawled, before a hard, warning note came into it. "…but
if you ever give him a smoke again, I'll kill you."

And
Sanzo turned around and disappeared as noiselessly as he'd come.

Gojyo
stood up, stretched lustily, and groaned. Now he knew for sure he'd never get a
wink tonight, not with that delectable golden-haired bastard an arm's length
away… He ran his tongue over his lips, relishing the faint taste of Sanzo that
still lingered there… Who knew? Maybe, just maybe, Gojyo's secret infatuation
wasn't so one-sided after all… Ah hell. He turned around and sauntered up to
their room, a devilish grin on his face…

-owari-

---

OUTTAKES!
(Whee! …)

SCENE
1:

Gojyo
steps gingerly over a sleeping form, stumbles, curses … and his eyes widen in
horror as he feels something go splat under his foot. Forcing himself to look,
he bends over and squints in the dark, then drops his head in sadness … before
he beats his head with his fists, wondering where their transportation is going
to come from now…

"To
answer your question, a) Everything; and b) Nowhere. " Gojyo answers
miserably. He glances fearfully at the sleeping priest. "Um, Hakkai, will
you be so kind as to blast me with a huge chi ball now, and save me the agony
of a bullet in my brains later?"

"?"

SCENE
2

Gojyo
whacks Goku on the back, and glances fearfully up the window to their room,
sure he'd seen a glimpse of golden hair. Well fuck you, Sanzo, the kid needs it
right now, he glares.

PING!

Gojyo
falls to the ground, bullet hole smoking in his forehead.

Upstairs,
Sanzo blows on the tip of his gun, and mutters about bad examples, child abuse,
and disrespect to his elders, to boot.

SCENE
3

Taking
the forgotten cigarette out of Goku's fingers, he flicks it carelessly away to
the darkness and takes a deep drag from his own, before it follows suit….

A
few hours later…

THWAK

"Baka
erogappa! How many times must I remind you to CRUSH OUT your cigarettes before
you throw them away! You know how much this is gonna cost me? And what's more
you involved a minor in this offense, rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb…"

Lean
arms the color of alabaster encircles his shoulders from behind, hard as marble
and strong as steel, crossing at his chest. He feels the warm touch of a strong
torso press against his bare back. Heart hammering wildly, he turns his head in
surprise and confusion.

"Sanz---urrkkk!"
he yelps. He sees stars. He realizes he's just been suplexed. Hard.

"You
fucking bastard. Is that any way to teach a good example? Give the kid a smoke?"