Journal Entries

Days Like This

There are always days like this when nothing specifically bothers you, yet EVERYTHING does at the same time. The undulating vibrations of worry and disappointment is all that fills your lungs and eyes and ears. So you lie down and do nothing, in the hopes (or maybe the fears?) that you’ll feel nothing and eventually be nothing.

Here’s what I recall from today:

The sky cried three times in the course of an hour on my way to school this morning. The first was a sprinkle, the second was a shower, the third was a spontaneous 20-second tantrum that was over before I entered the highway. Humans are moody; I think skies are too.

I sacrificed exercise today. Maybe that’s it? The fear of watching myself deflate and swell in all the wrong places. I don’t want to go back to being a pudgy lump of flesh and bad habits.

School. Always school. Never understanding, never belonging, never knowing.