Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Brain Dump

Take out some pieces of paper or a notebook and your favorite pen and just start writing. Try writing for 15 minutes straight in a non-stop stream of consciousness. Don't waste energy by censoring or editing anything, but just let words and ideas -- no matter how strange or dull -- flow onto paper. You might be surprised by what you find has been lurking in your subconscious mind. But don't be judgmental or critical of your writing, it's supposed to be a soothing, and purging experience, not a Pulitzer Prize entry.

I have been feeling a little weird the last couple of days. I find sometimes that I get stuck mentally. Like I don't know who I am and what I am doing. Or even if I do, I find it phyically and emotionally hard to do the most simple tasks. Then I feel like hiding from the world in my safe haven...... my home. I think I might be pre-hormonal, grrrrrr! Well I hope so at least that way I will have an excuse. I just feel like so much is riding on my shoulders. Studying a degree, looking after my boys, wanting to lose weight, and start a new career so that I can invest $$$ for my future! Man at the moment I can even get motivated to go for a walk around the block!!!! I have no idea how I will manage to do the rest of it! But I need to and that is the problem! I was thinking about paying $$$$ to see a psychologist to try and get me motivated, get my life sorted out, have someone to talk to and someone who I could be accountable to!Today I tried to keep myself busy!!! If I stop I fall prey to anxiety! Which for me is constant feelings of guilt (about everything) and chest tightening! (which is really horrible). I feel I suffer from anxiety worse now then before and I don't know why>? That worries me!My coping strategie for anxiety is this;'I think to myself what would make me less anxious>?' and 'what would make me really happy right now'?Usually my responses are these (it's all psychological) but; 'A clean and orderly house'. 'To be by myself'. 'For it to be quiet'. 'Take a bath'. 'Watch a DVD'. 'Listen to calm music'. 'To think about the good things about me and my life'.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Yesterday

Lawyer:

Everything went well at the lawyers yesterday. I was so tired from the night before (not being able to sleep) that I woke up with bags under my eyes :( It's just been a long and stressful process and I am over it!!! One more month to go she tells me!!!! THANK GOD!!!! It's been 18 months, 2 lawyers, 1 barister, in court 4 times, lots of $$$ spent, and so much stress, worry, and anxiety! My lawyer told me that this is one of the worst cases she has had to deal with! I came home yesterday tired but calm and thankful for my life now! This experience has taught me so much!Thanks girls for all your comments /emails u mean the world to me!

TaggedI've been Tagged by Michelle Perry, never done this before! Cool! Thanks babe!

A - Available/Single? No, I have a beautiful man, who I have been dating now for 8 months!

B - Best Friend? Totally, a rockin chic named Amy!!!! I went to high school with her!!! When I was at my lowest stage of my life she was there for me!!!

I - Indulgence? I would love to stay 2 nights in a hotel room with Neil and do nothing but pamper ourselves. I would love to stay in a room with a huge spa, king sized bed and foxtel. I would love to got out for yummy dinners and order room service for dessert. I would love to get a massage in our room...... get the message :D

J - January Or February? February as it will be my first Valentines Day with Neil ;)

K - Kids & Their Names? 2 Boys, Owen and Caleb.

L - Life Is Incomplete Without? Compassion.

M - Marriage date? Mmmmm maybe in the near future!!

N - Number Of Siblings? 1 26 year old brother called Anthony!

O - Oranges Or Apples? Neither!

P - Phobias/Fears? Not living a good life!

Q - Favorite Quote: To many to quote, lol! I love the Dali Lama's inspirational ones such as;

'The basic sources of happiness are a good heart, compassion, and love. If we have these mental attitudes, even if we are surrounded by hostility, we feel little disturbance. On the other hand, if we lack compassion and our mental state is filled with anger or hatred we will not have peace'.

I picked up this art guide in the city yesterday it only costs $3.00 and is full of cool little inspirational art work and advertisments!

Scrapbooking!

On the weekend I managed to spend a little while scrapbooking! I sat and watched a few movies in the lounge with scrapbooking stuff on the lounge and around my feet! Mess!!!! Lol!I made this expandable mini ablum for Owen's birthday!!! (all the pics from his birthday). I brought the album from spotlight ($6.00 on special for $4.50, bargin). It can hold up to 10 normal sized photos! Awesome I had alot of fun creating this for him! It sits on my stero in my family room for now!

I also made this frame (got it from k-mart it's held together by magnets) for Callum. (Neils 10 year old son). It is of him and his 18 month old brother Jack. Cute pic hey! This will go in Callums room on his self!! Simple but I am trying to personalise the boys rooms abit ;)

I love this abstract art work soooo cool! It is from an Adelaide gallery! I have to use some of these cool ideas for my layouts ;)

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Anxiety :(

I suffer from anxiety and take a form of medication called Lexpro to try and controll it! Same days are great for me and others are not. Today has not been a good day! I woke up last night at 3am in the morning feeling sick, with a headache, and feeling of sadnes etc. I thought I might have the flu. I was tired so I slept on the lounge watching a movie until I fell asleep. All of today I was unable to do alot. I feel down, unwell and can't breathe! I watched a couple of movies and scrapbooked a little. Neil made me tea, etc. I get really upset with my self when I feel like this! I get scared thinking I might be heading backwards, back into the land of depression. As I was in the shower just before it occured to me that I have go see my lawyer tommorrow. Then it clicked all of this anxiety, stress is due to that!! Sometimes seeing my ex and ALWALYS when I have go see the lawyer does this to me. It brings back so much emotional pain!On Australia day Andrew my ex was meant to collect the kids at 10pm that night. Neil made him collect them the next day instead as he didn't want me worrying all day on Owen's birthday!! I asked him why>? He said that if I knew Andrew was coming I would be stressing the whole day. Nearly every single time he comes I start to panic and get angry and upset. Neil noticed this not me. It's funny how much others pick up on things that we aren't aware of!So right now I feel abit better knowing that the lawyer is making me anxious and not nothing! My lawyer is in the city. Tommorrow I will see the lawyer but I will also try and do something nice while in the city. Like go buy myself a book, have a yummy chocolate drink, and maybe bring some nice flowers home.

Australia day

Australia day Friday the 26th of January 2007!

On Friday my baby boy Owen turned 7! The photo below is me, I had only just tuned 22 and was in labour with my first child. (Mmmm don't ya just love labour pics). I am holding a little tiny Australia flag, Lol!

It was really special to have my first baby being born on such a special day. I felt so proud!

My boy is 7! OMG, I am the mother of a 7 year old!!! Far out! I hope Owen has really good year this year! Things have almost come to a stop (legal wise) between his day and me. He has a new fanstic dad Neil and is starting at a new school! Things are looking up :)

This is Owen holding a MASSIVE 7 balloon I brought for his party! Lol!

Valentines Card

Quick post! Here is my simple little card for Neil (my style)!!!! Is it ok>? I hate making cards, but this will be our first valentines day and I want it to be special. I am going to make him a mini album and layout to, if I get time!!

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Weekend Stuff:

Friday night I watched a few action movies with Neil and Callum! I couldn't be bothered doing anything creative. They all fell asleep in the lounge room, I watched a movie in my bedroom. They went to sleep and I had this sudden urge to scrap, and I did until 5am in the morning. I created this art canvas to go on the wall. It's about the three boys coming together as friends and new little brothers. Callum drew the pic, awesome personal touch I think and straight from the heart! I think I might hang it in the hall way! I am really happy with it 'kiddy-like' but I love personal hand made things around my house.

The canvas in very thick on the side so I painted it in cream and added 5 rows of sequins! It took forever!!!!

My brother and his girlfriend Em come to my house for a coffee! My brother is 25 and such a cool guy! A few hours after that my friend Amy came over! We watched a movie and looked thru art magazines! Awesome day! She brought me two presents:

The first one was this awesome little calender (which I HAD to decorate with sequins, lol). I love love love it!!!! Totally me!!!

She dangles down inside on a string of beads, how cool is that! :Dand the second present I was hoping for a budda and guess what......I got me a Budda head! I love Buddism she know it and loves it to!!! (she is the only person that would buy me awesome stuff like this).

I also brought this calander at rabbit photo for $6.00 and will stick on a 6x8 photo every month of the boys! :)

Sunday Chill out day today!!! NO KIDS!!!! Happy!!! Quiet! Awesome! My cat Olivia is also happy again see: (Below) U see doesn't like the kids noise and running around! Caleb my 4 year old picks her up puts her in his room, closes the door and annoys her! Poor thing!! I love my meow! I brought her an 'o' charm for her collar the other week! So cute!

Life has been FULL-ON for two weeks straight! Neil and I are going to kick back, chill out and have a drink tonight! Massage, candles, DVD playing, oil burner!!!!! SO HAPPY! When he falls asleep I will create!!!!

Friday, January 19, 2007

Inspired by......

This cool Lion I found on a art website! Awesome! This awesome dog! I was thinking about buying a box and covering it with comic papers for my boys room! To cool!

This wall, is so cool! I have seen it on heaps of websites and in mags! I love the effect but would rather it have some sort of meaning ie; have a hidden meaning on the wall, rather then just letters! It's a cool 'art' effect, I have to say!

I love love love art mags! Esp, the Art collector!!! Totally cool!

I love all the adverts inside! They have heaps and heaps of cool art designs and art ideas!

Love this cool add below, awesome paint effect!

I love the art below, it would make for a really cool LO design!

I Love shadow boxes!! There are some really cool small and large ones around! When I finish painting the walls in my home I am going to have a couple of these awesome boxes on my walls. To display meaningful / artie stuff I have collected.

I love the add below it reminds me off those cut out people I used to make at school, with the cookie shaped people! Awesome!!! ..... and I love the green background to!

About Me

My name is Lisa Le-Ray. I am 31 years old. I have just met my new man Neil and together we have three boys, Callum 12, Owen 8 and Caleb 6. I am trying (slowly) to finish a masters degree in Behavioural Science Psychology. My passions in life are Buddism, Human Rights and Art. I want to travel and work all over the world someday. My life motto is to simply be 'happy' and use my life to help and inspire others.