the gingerbread wasn't going to happen this year. (do you know how i really feel about gingerbread houses?!? if not, you can read about the gingerbread escapades here and here.)

in fact, not much holiday *baking* was done at all. well, aside from the gorgeous loaf of herbed cheese bread i made. have i mentioned the herbed cheese bread yet? (note to self: track down photo of gorgeous herbed cheese bread...)

never one to be swayed from his routine, jack *settled* for another project. he got out his cookbook and landed upon the *perfect* holiday dessert... shortcake. in december. really, i couldn't have been more thrilled. (never mind that it called for out-of-season fruit, and for more of that covering-the-counter-AND-my-hands-with-that-awful-flour stuff.) it was to be shortcake. (thank goodness my recent triumph over the herbed cheese bread had me feeling like i could handle the flour thing again!)

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

this is the third year i have wrapped up with this particular meme. it's become a way for me to close the book on the outgoing year, celebrate what i've accomplished, find inspiration for what is yet to come...

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? finished a 10K run

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? my word of the year, "open" was with me every step of the way. it reminded me to open my mind, my heart, my core. i am looking forward to sharing my word for 2009.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? no

4. Did anyone close to you die? Grabbie

5. What countries did you visit? hah! i think i only left NC once, and that was a quick trip to atlanta. (this WILL be remedied in oh-nine. quickly.)

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2008? willpower

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? december 16, the day we lost our Grabbie

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? seussical!

9. What was your biggest failure? gaining weight and losing myself within myself

we were late pulling our Christmas cactus out of it's dark hiding place. it sort of sat on the counter all season, taunting us. "i'll show you!" it seemed to say, every morning as i savored my coffee. "i can be stubborn, too," it pouted every evening, as i put away the dinner dishes.

despite it's best efforts of defiance, on Christmas Day we were welcomed with tiny buds. this morning, there are more, and i couldn't resist the message in those hopeful pink flowers.

the time is now, the place is here.

happy new year!! may you awaken each day with the promise of hope in your heart.

Friday, December 26, 2008

navigating the holidays after you've lost a loved one can be a tricky affair. i felt really prepared for this holiday in the early days of december. gifts were ordered and hidden, cards were created and mailed, singing engagements and parades filled my evenings and weekends. the first twelve days of Christmas were a whirlwind of festive activities.

but much of the past few weeks has been spent with dealing with *things*: preparing my parents house for the arrival of my grandfather, Pop-pop; wrapping the gifts i'd been hiding in my office; tying up loose ends at the hotel so that i could take some time off. *things* that kept me occupied, but not really engaged with anything that was going on around me.

so that when Christmas Eve arrived, i found we were kind of without a plan. what had been our routine over the past many years, was gone. there was no beach rental house for my grandparents and visiting relatives. my parents didn't show up on our doorstep with a gift for jack (even though i HAD cleaned the house!) there was no overly loud, fight-you-for-the-last-bit-of-turkey Christmas dinner planned.

there was an overwhelming urge to sleep, and yes, i did a lot of that. but there was more...

there were hours of Christmas music that soothed.

there was Christmas Eve service with jack singing Silent Night, Holy Night at the top of his clear, sweet voice (and how proud i was that he was able to read along in the hymnal.)

there was soup and a gorgeous loaf of herbed cheese bread i made from scratch.

there was finally peace and quiet.

there were Christmas nachos when we didn't have the inclination to cook the ham.

Friday, December 19, 2008

when i was a little girl, my sisters and i spent a lot of time with my grandmother, my Grabbie. Grabbie always had extra knitting needles in her bag, and one of our favorite activities involved *conducting* the Boston Pops along with arthur fiedler. we would twirl about the living room and direct the musicians with wild abandon.

when we thought we had grown too old for PBS and classical music, Grabbie gave us yarn and tried to teach us the intracacies of casting on stitches. what seemed effortless in her skilled hands, was an insurmountable challenge for us. sitting and puzzling over dropped stitches could not hold our attention the way that Mr. Fiedler and his Pops had. those shimmering needles were tucked safely back into Grabbie's knitting bag, and my sisters and i got on with the busy-ness of being teenagers, young adults, mothers.

Grabbie passed away on tuesday, at the wonderful age of 93 and three quarters.

on wednesday, i bought a pair of knitting needles and cast on a row of stitches. i haven't stopped since then.

jack looks over my shoulder. he tries his hand at a few stitches, swiftly losing interest after a few moments. i don't have an extra pair for him to use as a conducter's baton. yet.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

performed with my vocal group (Without A Net) on live local television;attended matty's company Christmas party;rode on the cub scout float in the first of two parades;had lunch with my dad and two sisters to plan "writing" a musical;attended my own company party;heard a high school Christmas concert;and, yes, i've run out of gas.

it seems like a lot, but now we have 2/3rds of our holiday commitments behind us.

tonight, we will enJOY a quiet evening at home as we put the ornaments on our own tree... after which, i will curl up in my pyjayzees and finish up my Christmas cards.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

the holiday season, in my minds eye, has a soft glow around the edges. when i think about all there is to be accomplished in these few short weeks, i filter it with tree lights and fuzzy edges (sounds dreamy, doesn't it?)

this week, i am so happy to take moment to think about all of the people i love. i've been rereading cards from Christmas' past (it's sometimes hard to remember back to the days when cards were addressed to just me. or to just matty and i.) i've been thinking about the people i will be sending cards to this week. their families. their lives. i've been thinking about how our lives have become entertwined, even when our paths intersect only once or twice a year.

sharing cards, photographs, and journeys helps knit together the circle of those i love. i can think of no better way to embark on this wonderful season!

(o.k., kids, this is the second week in a row i'm having trouble with my good friend, Mr. Linky. hang in there!!)