]]>While enjoying a nondescript afternoon at Chateau Draven, I begin to hear screaming coming from the bathroom, “DADDY! DADDY! COME IN HERE!” Expecting that DDD has somehow masterminded a tidal surge in need of immediate cleanup, I haul ass to the shitter.

Instead, I find DDD casually helming the toilet. “Good to see you Daddy. Can you hit the fan… I’m gonna blow it up!”

]]>For those of you unfamiliar with blinding violence at the hands of a 3-year-old, allow me to elaborate. CFD and I were chillin’ on the floor in front of the fireplace this morning, when all of a sudden I catch a glimpse of a bony ass flying at me with one destination in mind; my thigh!

“Butt punch Daddy!” As I attempted to dismiss the throbbing dead-leg DDD had just given me, I had to ask, “What? Where did you learn that?” “Oh, Uncle Rus showed it to me at Grandma JuJu’s.”

Thanks Rus, don’t be surprised when I return the favor.

]]>http://www.goodbyehooters.com/the-ddd-chronicles-day-84-butt-punch/feed/0The DDD Chronicles Day 83: As Simple As It Gets!http://www.goodbyehooters.com/the-ddd-chronicles-day-83-as-simple-as-it-gets/
http://www.goodbyehooters.com/the-ddd-chronicles-day-83-as-simple-as-it-gets/#commentsFri, 09 Nov 2012 02:14:46 +0000adminhttp://www.goodbyehooters.com/?p=316“Daddy, I don’t get you.” “Well buddy that makes two of us!”

]]>For some odd reason, CFD felt compelled to crawl into the bathroom and cheer-on DDD during his evening constitutional. Like any good brother, and before he fired off his flatulence salvo, he offered his own version of foreshadowing, “Coraline… this one’s for you!”
]]>http://www.goodbyehooters.com/the-ddd-chronicles-day-80-to-sissy-with-love/feed/0The DDD Chronicles Day 79: Burp Theoryhttp://www.goodbyehooters.com/the-ddd-chronicles-day-79-burp-theory/
http://www.goodbyehooters.com/the-ddd-chronicles-day-79-burp-theory/#commentsSun, 28 Oct 2012 16:27:18 +0000adminhttp://www.goodbyehooters.com/?p=307…

]]>At approximately 5:45a.m. this morning, nature informed us that we weren’t going to go back to sleep; DDD was providing his best impression of a bulimic post-Thanksgiving feast. So, like any good father, I hauled-ass to the Quickie Mart and snagged him some Sprite. All appeared well, and he eventually fell back asleep.

8:30a.m., “Daddy, I think I need some more Sprite. It makes my tummy feel better when I burp.” “I know buddy, the bubbles help your tummy by relieving pressure and making you burp.” “Maybe I should drink a beer Daddy? You burp a lot when you drink beer!” “Yeah, but it’s before noon buddy… let’s ask Mom if it’s okay when she gets home.” “It’s okay Daddy, she likes beer too!”

]]>“Daddy, how will I know when the flu-bug has left my tummy?” “Oh, you won’t feel them leave. They’re too tiny. You’ll just start feeling better.” [Insert pause; followed by a deep inhale] “You know something Daddy… I think the diarrhea bug has already left!”
]]>http://www.goodbyehooters.com/the-ddd-chronicles-day-78-shit-bug-101/feed/0The DDD Chronicles Day 77: Always A Technicality!http://www.goodbyehooters.com/the-ddd-chronicles-day-77-always-a-technicality/
http://www.goodbyehooters.com/the-ddd-chronicles-day-77-always-a-technicality/#commentsMon, 08 Oct 2012 02:57:59 +0000adminhttp://www.goodbyehooters.com/?p=302“Momma, can I watch a lil’ TV?” “We don’t have a lil’ TV, we have a big TV.” “Oh… can I watch a lil’ TV on the big TV?”