Thursday, July 10, 2008

Russians are Drunk, Like Cartoon Violence

A Russian woman hit the button to fold up her bed/couch, as way to try and get her drunk husband up. Instead of getting him up, however, it killed him.St. Petersburg's Channel Five said the man's wife, upset with her husband for being drunk and refusing to get up, kicked a handle after an argument, activating a mechanism that folds the couch up against a wall.Reading this should probably not have made me laugh as hard as it did. I am reminded for some reason of The Simpsons couch gag where the couch eats the family. Also, I would love to know what the argument was about (refraining from easy "Een Russia" jokes).

The couch, which doubles as a bed, folds up automatically in order to save space. The man fell between the mattress and the back of the couch, Channel Five quoted emergency workers as saying.The woman then walked out of the room and returned three hours later to check on what she thought was an unusually quiet sleeping husband.Here's where I get a tad confused... So, she hits the button, sees the bed fold into the wall... and assumes he's sleeping...in the wall for three hours?

Police refused to comment.

The St. Petersburg Emergency Services Ministry said a private rescue service removed the man's body.

Video on the television channel's Web site showed emergency workers sawing away the side panels of a couch to remove a man in his underwear lying headfirst between the cushions.This also probably should not have made me laugh as hard as it did, but here we are. I mean, I guess it would be way funnier if he hadn't died or whatever, but still, I would like to watch this video.

Emergency workers said the man died instantly.How? Was he like, crushed or something? And if that were the case, wouldn't the wife have heard like, crunching or something? And I mean, I guess it's better that he died instantly rather than being trapped in a wall while he bled to death or something. I think what this tells me more than anything is that I should stop going to msnbc.com for my news, since they leave out all the juicy bits, like details on anger fueled castration. Or maybe I should just google this stuff before I start writing. No, it's definitely msnbc's fault.