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How Female Leaders Accidentally Hold Themselves Back

One of the aspects I love most about my work is witnessing executives rise into their full potential.

Though the bulk of my clients are male executives, I’m also fortunate to work with an impressive array of female leaders. And when I say ‘impressive,’ I truly mean … some of the smartest, sharpest, technically strong professionals you could ever hope to work with, leading teams and projects at top companies most people only ever dream of working for.

I am constantly in awe of these women.

They hold their own, they’re transforming the industry, and one would think they are the ultimate personification of authentic ‘confidence.’

But, that’s rarely the case. What I’ve found, when behind closed doors with female leaders, is that while others are marveling at their accomplishments, these women are endlessly focused on their areas of improvement, where they feel they still need to grow.

Externally, they’re killing it in their careers. But, internally, they’re telling themselves a different story … and it’s not a favorable one.

So, what’s going on with strong women that, despite all they’ve achieved, they constantly focus on their own perceived shortcomings?

Well, let’s be real. Nearly every professional I work with (male or female) suffers from doubts and insecurities on some level. We could all stand to get out of our own way a little more in that regard.

Before you take action in any other way, first conduct an internal, systematic hunting down of the specific narrative that loops so automatically through your mind that you don’t even stop to challenge it.

Track the number of times that story (or a similar one) shows up in the course of a week. You’ll likely notice a pattern, that it pops up in specific situations or around certain people over and over again.

Not until you identify that narrative and look it directly in the eye can you deal with it and re-script a more effective and empowering story.

Don’t cast a shadow with your own words.

There is ample research proving the validity of these concerns. Yet, many of these women admit they also don’t speak up about or draw attention to their own accomplishments. And, when they are praised or recognized for their work, they quickly dismiss the praise or redirect that praise to someone else (i.e. their team members).

Actively document your own successes (big and small, technical skills and people skills) make a point to use the adjectives yourself that you want others to use when talking about you when you’re not in the room.

Honor your successes before you ‘improve’ yourself further.

The mark of a great leader is their willingness to self-reflect and grow. Your desire to strengthen areas needing improvement is honorable, but not if you focus so much on those areas that you convince yourself you’re not as capable as you really are.

Keep things in perspective by regularly celebrating your successes. The story you choose to focus on is the one that becomes true.

Create a safe zone.

Look, you’re allowed your human moments. We all have them. But a moment of self-doubt does not define your story. So, identify a few trusted people who can know the truth, the whole truth, about your doubts and insecurities, and limit sharing your vulnerable moments with those few who have earned your trust.

Having an outlet already in place helps you keep your professional game face on in difficult moments without letting those difficult moments define you.

Believe me, I can relate to women who undermine their professional accomplishmentsby overly focusing on where they ‘need’ to improve.

Though “fake it ‘til you make it” is a popular mindset in the United States, I’m French! And in France, we believe one needs a Ph.D. before daring to speak a word on a relevant topic (thereby disqualifying ourselves from the start).

But I learned to speak up anyway, to trust my experience and my instincts.I learned how to silence the chatter that holds me back from bringing my professional best to the table.