I'm an American girl, born and raised, and a Muslim.

Is Seven My Lucky Number?

by Muslim Girl in America on May 26, 2013

So, I tried speed dating again. For those of you keeping track, this is Round #7 (read up on the past events here: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6). I don’t know why they decided to hold it over a long holiday weekend. Because of that, though, I wasn’t expecting a lot of people to show up. When I arrived, I asked the organizers how many people were signed up; 20 they told me. As it was a gorgeous day outside (after several not so gorgeous days), I thought we’d be lucky to get even half that.

As I waited, I saw more and more women show up (as is usually the case) and only a few men. When we started, there were 7 women and 5 men. When there are fewer men and more women, I always tend to notice the other women more. There’s more competition for the same resources, and you need to know what you’re up against. Looking around, all the other ladies seemed nice but I felt like I was prettier than some of them and at least equal to the others (I’m humble, too – did I mention that?).

They had put us in these horribly awkward seats; we ended up sitting on these odd bench couches with the gentlemen next to you (not across from you), while another girl and guy sat across from you trying to have their own conversation. The girl across from me could not look any of the guys in the face; she still spoke to them, but just doodled on a piece of paper during the whole conversation. It must be difficult if you’re that shy to try something like this, or maybe she was being coy on purpose. I’ve been told I’m too forward at times and not all guys like girls like that, so maybe that gave her an edge. I don’t know. But as someone who likes to people watch, there’s no better opportunity to learn about human nature than at a speed dating event.

Anyway, if you’ve read my previous speed dating blog posts, you know I try to come up with pithy names for the guys. At this point, in Round 7, I’m pretty pith-ed out, but I’ll try just the same.

Bachelor #1, Mr. Name Change/Heritage Hater. So this guy said his name was one thing (a very Western name, shall we say) but his online profile stated another, much more Eastern name. I could tell he had just shortened his name to make it easier to say but his name was not all that complicated to begin with, and I know complicated names, having lived with one my whole life. I don’t mind that he did it, but he never mentioned it during our short conversation. I myself have used a shortened version of my name at times, and definitely use a different name at restaurants (I don’t think the people at Panera or my local coffeehouse care all that much about the accuracy of my name when taking an order).

But what did bother me about this guy was how he really seemed to dislike Pakistanis. Which I am. And which he is as well. He’s half-Pakistani and half-Turkish. When I asked if he ever went back to visit either country, he went into a long-ish speech about how he really doesn’t like Pakistan. When I told him I go to visit family, he just said it was an unattractive country and that there’s not much to do there. I counter with the fact that there are several beautiful areas to the country and plenty to do, but that I’m the type of person who tries to find beauty in everything. He counters that with “Well, I’m from New York City, so …” – What does that mean??? I actually think that’s offensive to New Yorkers. Okay. Moving on. I just couldn’t be with someone who hates a part of themselves so much and who wouldn’t let me or our kids visit my family overseas. You will always be Pakistani, and so will your kids, and their kids, and so on. It’s a heritage to be proud of, not disdainful of. It’s true, the country is politically unstable (to say the least), but that’s no reason not to embrace your heritage.

Bachelor #2, Mr. Head On. So, as I mentioned, we had to sit on these awkward bench couches where you really could only sit slanted toward the other person. Well this guy shifted his whole upper body to face me head on, not at an angle. At least he was looking at my good side. But he was nice, tall (!), relaxed, and funny. We seemed to have things in common, but I think my “strong” personality might have been off-putting to him. Guess I’ll find out soon enough. He did linger at my table before moving to the next girl, so that could be a good sign.

Bachelor #3, Mr. Repeater. So, I can’t remember what I originally named this guy, but he’s nice enough. I’m just much taller than him and we just won’t suit each other personality-wise (and we both know it), so we made general conversation until the bell sounded and he moved on.

Bachelor #4, Mr. Foreign Service. So this guy seemed really nice. He’s joined the Foreign Service and will be leaving in about 6 months, but at least he was honest and forthcoming about it. I don’t mind that he’s in it; I thought about joining myself many moons ago. But it does make life difficult. His family is based in the area, which I think would be helpful. Maybe after a few more conversations, I could better gauge how I feel about it. We’ll see what happens.

Bachelor #5, Mr. Shy. So this guy also seemed nice and a bit shy, as he didn’t really look at me much, but did spend a lot of time glancing at his sheet of paper (I think he and the girl who sat across from me might make a good match!) but I wouldn’t mind talking to him some more just the same. He was nervous and, as there were fewer guys, he did mention that he felt pressure because of that.

And then the evening ended, and I made it home while it was still light outside. I’m still not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.