So, this is making the rounds on Facebook: For those who think I rant about the patriarchy and misogyny too much, authored by a lady named Julia. While a brutally honest read, it’s frustrating to realize just how many folks actually need this reminder; more maddening than frustrating – downright infuriating – when I realize that Julia almost certainly chose to share only a small fraction of her life experiences with sexism and misogyny. As, undoubtedly, did Glenna; who shared her own post with me on Facebook after being inspired by Julia.

Glenna said to me, “I think this is something every woman should do.” She’s right, of course. We don’t share these stories nearly often enough, not even (or especially not) with our male-identified loved ones. As the picture accompanying this post clearly demonstrates, so many of our men cannot even begin to fathom what it might feel like to simply be female in public.

So here’s a very small taste of that. This is not only for all the men that have ever harassed me, it’s for for all the men that I care about in my life who don’t Get It; most importantly, this is for all the women out there in the interwebz who may read this and feel a little less Alone.

To all the men in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s (and up!) who slowed their cars when they saw (12 year old) me walking down the street to ask “Hey girl, need a ride?” or “Where’s your boyfriend, sweetie?” or “Get in, hun, I’ll take you all the way!”

To the gas station owner who wanted to sell (15 year old) me pills, and offered a discount if I would be “sweet” to him.

To the middle aged, male customers at my first job who were upset at discovering I was only the (15 year old) hostess who gave them a table, not their server for the night; who didn’t believe me when I tried to fend off their advances with a weak line like “Sorry guys, I’m married” because they could see I was “obviously too young to be married!” but not too young for them to tell me they liked my “little tits”.

To all the male teachers in middle school who would tell me how much prettier I’d be if only I would SMILE for them.

TO ALL THE MEN THAT STILL SLOW THEIR CARS TO ASK (28 year old) ME “WHERE’S YOUR MAN, BABY!” WHEN I’M WALKING TO THE FUCKING BUS STOP.

To the guy who (while sitting next to my date, his friend) reached across the table to grab my breast when asking if he could “share” me.

To the guy who was my date, who only laughed at my stunned silence.

To all the male bosses in the food industry who would tell me how much prettier I’d be if only I would SMILE for them.

To the old men in the bars where (22 year old) me used to stop at for an after-work-drink, who would immediately swarm me to tell me I shouldn’t be in a bar by myself because I was such a “pretty young thing”.

To the guy who started talking to me on the street, followed me inside the gas station, then continued to follow me down to the bar I was going to, even though I’d decided I no longer wanted to go to the bar because I was freaked the fuck out but I went anyway, because it was better than letting him follow me to my home, then told me “not to leave without him” when he went to the bathroom. To my boyfriend at the time, who laughed at me when I ran home and called him crying because it took me an hour and a half to get rid of that night’s stalker.

To the older teenage boy who, while attending a party at his house, asked my then-boyfriend permission for he and his friends to “run a train” on me. To the boyfriend who politely said “no thanks” because he “didn’t share”, instead of the more appropriate “fuck off, pig” because since nobody bothered to ask ME for MY permission, it would have been a fucking gang rape.

To the old man a week ago who, upon seeing me walking down the street with a 20 ounce of Pepsi in my hand, began hollering “Where’s my Pepsi, baby?”

To the countless men over all these years who, upon being ignored after shouting “Where’s your man, baby?!”, predictably began to cuss and swear at the “fucking bitch cunt whore dyke frigid lezzy slut” who “thinks she can fucking ignore me, bitch“.

To the old angry white male protester at the clinic where I sometimes volunteer as a patient escort; who, in between shouting slurs and condemnation at all the women who were daring to visit the doctor’s office, told my fellow (male) escort that I am “better to look at” than he.

To one of our most hated favorite regular protesters who was apparently arrested on charges of possessing child pornography last year, suggesting that he cared more about “the children” that women were “killing” than we ever suspected.

To my own father, who always supported and regularly reiterated our societies desire for woman not to be such “bitches”; who cheated on Wife#1 and Wife#2; who spent his paychecks hiring women to fuck him.

To my male (former) friend who said that if women don’t call the (inner city, corrupt, sexist, dangerously volatile) police after being raped then obviously it wasn’t “really rape”; who also said that if a women he fucks becomes pregnant he should have the legal right to force her to carry to term because it isn’t fair that the person who actually has to do the hard work of creating a baby gets to decide whether or not to create a baby.

To the family member who, after I friended him on Facebook, verbally attacked me on my wall for “posting so much dumb women’s rights shit” and who threatened to “stab me in the uterus” if he ever sees me again.

And again, to the same family member who pelted my aunt with the same violent rhetoric and then some, calling her a “whore” after she stepped in to say “You’re out of line.”

To the male teacher who told (11 year old) me that I would “end up some fat miserable housewife having baby after baby” because I was so bad at math that I gave up on it, instead of recognizing that I needed individual attention in that particular subject while easily acing every other school subject ever put on my desk.

To my old boss at the (painfully politically correct and purposefully diverse so they could brag about it) banking office who still felt entitled to tell me HOW MUCH PRETTIER I’D BE IF ONLY I’D SMILE FOR HIM. FUCK YOU.

To the same boss who, after I decided I was fed up with using smelly and sticky chemicals to paint my face to match the other women in the office and quit wearing the socially expected amount of makeup, constantly told me how “tired” I looked. No, motherfucker, I’m not “tired”, THIS IS MY REAL FACE. Where’s YOUR goddamned lipstick and foundation, huh? Oh, right – your face and body is just fine; mine obviously needs some serious work and it’s your duty to remind me of that… every fucking week.

To the asshole who tried to blackmail me into fucking him by threatening to tell my kind-of-boyfriend at the time that we already did fuck (we didn’t) and that I was a whore, and then carried that threat through as promised.

To the gas station attendant I regularly make small talk with who asked me what I was making for dinner when he found out it was “my mans” day off. Who was genuinely confused when I asked him why he assumed *I* was making dinner.

To the convenient store owner who asked me why I was “allowed” to go to the store by myself after dark. Who was genuinely confused when I pointed out that I am 27 years old, and my deadbeat father was fucking dead anyway.

To the Nice Guy™ that I met at a Mudvayne concert, who seemed to be genuinely interested in having a real conversation, whose company I enjoyed enough to give him my contact information; who then emailed me one day to ask if I’d like to go with him to another concert… who then, after I accepted the offer, emailed me back to say “Hey, I was telling my friend about you! But how big are your tits again? I can’t remember!” and was deadpan-fucking-serious.

To every man on the street, in the grocery store, at the bus stop, at a concert, at the dentists office, and so on (and on, and on…) who stopped me in my tracks and interrupted my daily personal business to tell me to “smile!” for him. I am not your fucking clown, here to amuse you; I am not a fucking Christmas tree, here to brighten your day with pretty colors and sparkles; I am not fucking yours.

To all the men – even the self-professed “liberal dudes” – who will read this, and wonder why it bothers women that we are constantly being told to “smile, baby!” by men everywhere, even strangers.

To all the men that will think “Gosh, someone doesn’t appreciate being attractive!”

To all the men that would, upon viewing a picture of me, think that I am really “not that great looking, after all” and “quite unremarkable, but probably still meets fuckability standards” and wonder why I don’t just “take what I can get, considering“.

To all those men above, who would be legitimately shocked and horrified if I used this blog post to delve more deeply into the abuse I’ve taken from men in my life; who would be outraged at the way I’ve been grabbed, pinched, groped, had my hair pulled, pushed, followed, choked, raped, slapped, kicked and trapped in small rooms by men whose interaction with me began by just wanting to “take me out” or “compliment” or “take care of” me; who would wonder why I stayed trapped with an abusive boyfriend for three years, who will no doubt try to mainsplain to me how I should have left sooner.

Yeah, guys. We’re fucking tired of it. Apologies if our intolerance of your intolerance makes your privilege a bit uncomfortable. Next time you roll your window down to shout at a woman who dares to walk down the street in public, because you think you like her legs: Stop and think instead about how many times that woman has been followed by creeps after they yelled the same shit that you’ve got sitting on the tip of your tongue.

This is just the beginning of the October list. Please notify me of any events in the coming month so I can add!

*UPDATED as of 10/7/11*

October 1

Southeast Ohio Solidarity RallyWhen? 12:00pm – 6:00pmWhere?Gallia County Junior Fairgrounds, 189 Jackson Pike, Gallipolis, OHWhat? SERIOUS ACTIVISM AND FUN! Visit the booths of area unions and learn what your brothers and sisters in solidarity are doing to win the fight. Network and sign up to volunteer if you haven’t already done so. KID ZONE: Teachers from Southeast Ohio Education Association along with Ohio University students will have games, crafts, face painting, balloon sculpture, inflatables and more. FOOD AND DRINK: Provided by area Democrats and Republicans working together to fight SB5. LIVE MUSIC:The Boys of the Hock, The Magic Mama Band, The Cincinnati Emerald Society Police & Fire Pipes & Drums. SPEAKERS: Sherrod Brown, Jennifer Brunner, Ted Strickland, Pam Smith, and MORE!Call 740-637-8198 to reserve your organization’s free booth. (Booths are assigned first come, first serve. There are a limited number still available.)RSVP?On Facebook

October 2

First Annual Non-Violence Parade and RallyWhen? 3:00pm – 5:00pmWhere? Lincoln Ave., Youngstown, OHWhat? Ohio Lady Advocates will be participating in Youngstown’s first ever Non-Violence parade in celebration of Non-Violence Week (Oct. 2-8). The parade is open to all nonprofit organizations such as youth groups, athletic teams, church groups, neighborhood watch groups as well as businesses and government officials and politicians. We will start on Lincoln Ave. in front of the new YSU business school and proceed downtown. March with us in the parade and shout with us at the rally to help us wipe out violence!RSVP?On Facebook

October 3

Akron LGBTU Special Event: You Should Meet My Son!When? 6:00pm – 9:00pmWhere?Student Union TheaterWhat? We’re going to be showing the movie “You Should Meet My Son!” It’s safe to say that it’ll truly be a movie to remember. The idea is fairly simple: a conservative mother is horrified to find out that her only son is gay. However, determined to make sure her son doesn’t live his life alone, she sets out to find him the perfect husband. The movie will be followed by a discussion. So we can talk about how super-mega-funny-awesome-cool it was, obviously. :) We hope to see as many of you there as can come. Let’s fill up that theater!RSVP?On Facebook

October 5

GLASA’s Drag ShowWhen? 4:30pm – 8:00pmWhere? Cleveland State University’s Main Classroom AuditoriumWhat? The Drag Race this year will be hosted by Stone LeBeau and Rosario Garcia. The admission price is free with donations for GLASA welcome and to perform the price is 5$ before 9/29/2011 and 10$ up to 10/05/2011 after the 29th of September. In addition to the large prize of an iPod for contestants, there will also be a few opportunities for audience members to compete for smaller prizes such as gift cards to some amazing restaurants!IF you are planning on participating please email and let them know your song and when you can pay.RSVP?On Facebook and email IF PERFORMING at cleveland.state.glasa@gmail.com

October 5

#Occupy ClevelandWhen? 12:00pm – Ongoing until December 31 – Please see below under “Ongoing”Where?Willard Park Cleveland, OHWhat? The time has come to deploy this emerging stratagem against the greatest corrupter of our democracy: Wall Street, the financial Gomorrah of America. It’s time for DEMOCRACY NOT CORPORATOCRACY! Our nation, our species and our world are in crisis. The US has an important role to play in the solution, but we can no longer afford to let corporate greed and corrupt politics set the policies if our nation. More info about the protests around the globe, and what’s happening on Wall Street.RSVP?On Facebook

October 7

LGBT Safe Zone Ally Training – By Alexis Melville & Kim LangrehrWhen? 1:00pm – 3:30pmWhere?Rm. 316, Student Union, The University of AkronWhat? Make your office/cubical/desk a safe zone and learn about the LGBT community. IMPORTANT: Anyone interested in attending must e-mail Dr. Hayden at ehayden@uakron.edu to register. RSVP as this training session is limited to 25.RSVP? Email ehayden@uakron.edu AND On Facebook (You MUST email!)

October 11

NEOAVER Meeting – National Veterans Coming Out DayWhen? 7:00pm – 9:00pmWhere?Twist Social Club, 11633 Clifton Blvd, Cleveland, OHWhat? Since 2005, AVER has been celebrating NVCOD – National Veterans Coming Out Day on 11 October. Do your veteran friends know you’re queer? Do your queer friends know you’re a veteran? And now for the first time … it’s legal for our brothers and sisters in arms, who we pray will also become veterans, to come out while they are still in service. Come celebrate this landmark occasion with us!RSVP?On Facebook

October 11

NCOD Open Mic with ZPNWhen? 9:00am – 2:00pmWhere? Starbucks Lounge at University of Akron Student UnionWhat? We’re working with ZPN to host an open mic event for National Coming Out Day. You can sing, dance, recite poetry, OR…if you don’t want to perform at all, we have cards with facts about National Coming Out Day on them. If you can read, we want YOU! The open mic will take place in the Starbucks Lounge in the Student Union from 9 AM to 2 PM. I know that’s early, but hopefully you can still at least come and sit for a spell.RSVP?On Facebook

October 12

Jobs Not Cuts: Week of Action Event by MoveOnWhen? 12:00pmWhere? “Free Stamp” next to City Hall, E. 9th St. & Lakeside Avenue, Cleveland, OHWhat? The event will gather at the “Free Stamp” and then march across the street to the building which houses Senator Portman’s office. We will march and chant with signs for about one hour on East 9th St. to gain attention to Jobs not Cuts and to bring to people’s attention how much Senator Portman is worth and how much he pays in taxes.RSVP?On Moveon.org

October 14

Fundraiser Wing Ding For Molly Kuhlenschmidt When? 6:00pm – 9:00pmWhere?Scoundrels, 826 Front Street, Berea, OHWhat? Molly Kuhlenschmidt is two years old and was diagnosed with Leukemia a little over a month ago. Since then, Molly has had surgery, chemo and multiple hospital stays. TICKETS: $25 Includes beer, well-drinks, pizza, wings, rigatoni and salad. 50/50 Raffles and Raffles for baskets with great items inside! If you can’t make the event to help support this family, please consider making a donation. CHECKS CAN BE MADE OUT TO MOLLY OR MEGAN KUHLENSCHMIDT and can be given to Danielle, Rennee or directly to the family. YOU CAN ALSO MAKE A DONATION THROUGH PAYPAL UNDER: mollynoelle@sbcglobal.netRSVP?On Facebook

October 14

Cleveland Tar Sands ActionWhen? 12:00pm – 1:00pmWhere?Shaker Square Organizing for America office, 13100 Shaker Boulevard, Cleveland, OhioWhat? The Oil Extraction Industry fiercely wants to open up an additional pipeline, called the Keystone XL pipeline, from the Alberta Tar Sands project in Canada through Montana and several other states to reach Texas for processing and export. From August 20th to September 3rd, 1253 people were arrested in front of the White House in protest of this dirty, destructive, and dangerous project. Signing the permit is directly under President Obama’s control, and he has stated that he wants to make a decision by the end of 2011. We are continuing to send him the message all over the country that destroying the environment and displacing native peoples, in this case in the form of Tar Sands oil and the Keystone XL pipeline, is unacceptable for any reason. We will be combining with protesters in Columbus and Cincinnati to have coordinated protests on October 15 in order to continue pressing this issue at President Obama’s campaign offices.RSVP?On Facebook

October 20

Akron LGBTU: Teaching Tolerance with Akron PFLAGWhen? 7:00pm – 10:00pmWhere?North Springfield Presbyterian Church, 671 North Canton Road, Akron, Ohio
What? Featuring “Bullied” which, if you missed the event made for the meeting on the 11th, tells the story of Jamie Nabozny, a boy who fought in the courts for his rights, making a landmark case in which the court held the school responsible for preventing the victimization of students regardless of sexuality or gender identity/expression. A discussion will follow the screening of the movie, and it’ll be a chance to get in touch with members of the local PFLAG chapter. Which can only be a good thing, especially if you’d like to give your own family members or close friends information about PFLAG or anything like that.RSVP?On Facebook

October 21

2nd Annual Purple Light Night WalkWhen? 7:00pm – 9:00pmWhere? 1400 West 25th Street, Cleveland, OHWhat? This Walk offers support to families, friends and individuals impacted by Domestic Violence. We encourage you to come, bring a friend and wear PURPLE, the national color of domestic violence, to show your support of Purple Light Nights. WALK DETAILS: Walk begins at W. 25th Street & Detroit and ends at W. 9th Street & Superior. Upon reaching W. 9th Street, there will be a purple balloon release in honor of domestic violence victims.RSVP?On Facebook

October 27

Making Space to Talk About Abortion, Faith, and Religion: Preterm, MAML, Faith AloudWhen? 6:00pm – 8:00pmWhere?Preterm, 12000 Shaker Blvd., Cleveland, OHWhat? The executive director for Faith Aloud, a compelling religious voice for Reproductive Justice, Rev. Turner will speak about abortion as a moral decision and how Pro-Choice people can address religious/spiritual issues in abortion conversations and create safe spaces for these conversations. Rev. Turner’s audience includes faith leaders, members of faith communities, and reproductive justice advocates interested in the spiritual dimensions of their work, as well as those who may have stepped back from religion because of the negative messages about abortion.RSVP?On Facebook and you MUST ALSO EMAIL Linda@myabortionmylife.org

October 27

OHLA‘s H”OHLA”-ween FundraiserWhen? 7:00pm – 10:00pmWhere?Unitarian Universalist Church, 1105 Elm. St., Youngstown, OHWhat? Join the Ohio Lady Advocates for our first FUNdraiser and H”OHLA”-ween extravaganza! We’ll have a great time with delicious food and drink, crazy costumes, and marvelous music. Tickets are $5 for Students – $8 pre-order – $10 at the door. All proceeds go towards the Ohio Lady Advocates: for healthy women, families, and communities. Come celebrate with us so we can continue fighting real things that nightmares are made of.RSVP?On Facebook, email ohioladyadvocates@gmail.com

October 27

Justice Rocks: Live Music from Austin Walkin Cane/Last Call/oldboyWhen? 6:00pm – 2:00amWhere?Around The Corner, 18616 Detroit Avenue, Lakewood, OHWhat? Halloween Guest Bartending Event! We’re bringing it back to the West Side of town. Be sure not to miss this event with 25 bartenders behind the bar at Around the Corner. We figured its so close to Halloween lets dress up. (Dressing up is optional but a special surprise for those in costume) Doors will open at 6pm and we will have pizza and dessert once again until it runs out. Christmas Ale will be made available for purchase until it runs out. The talented band line up will start at 7pm with Austin Walker Cain, Last Call, and Oldboy. If you’ve not seen these performers you’re in for a treat. They are all amazingly talented! Greater Cleveland Community Shares raises funds for our 42 Social Justice Organizations in Northeast Ohio. We appreciate all the support the cost of this event is only $10. Purchase tickets at http://www.communityshares.orgRSVP?On Facebook

Ongoing

Join Occupy ClevelandWhen? October 6th – ?Where?Lakeside & E. 9th, Cleveland, OHWhat? Clevelanders will act in solidarity with the current Occupy Wall Street movement taking place in NYC and across the nation beginning on Thursday, October 6th at noon in Willard Park (under the Free Stamp). That afternoon they will march to their final occupation destination where protestors will set up their community camp and maintain an occupation indefinitely. Various working groups that have been formed will facilitate daily General Assembly meetings, direct actions, performances and other various activities. The event is free and open to the public. Willard Park is located at the corners of Lakeside and E. 9th next to the courthouse. Look for the Free Stamp!RSVP?On Facebook

Repeal Senate Bill 5What? Register new voters; Distribute Absentee Ballot Request Applications because these forms will NOT be mailed to voters automatically this year; Canvass or Phone Bank to converse with the community about the importance of voting NO on Issue 2 in order to STOP SB5.Contact?Fight For A Fair Economy or We Are Ohio

Stop House Bill 194, The Voter Suppression LawWhat? HB194 would severely limit early voting by mail, prohibit poll workers from assisting voters in completing forms, and make it more difficult for early voters to access in-person locations during evening hours and Sundays. We are currently collecting petition signatures to get a citizen’s VETO onto the 2012 ballot, and the deadline to STOP this law from affecting the 2011 elections is September 28. **UPDATE: We have collected 316,460 signatures. Therefore we have 10 more days past the previous deadline of 9/28 to collection more. KEEP COLLECTING. Remember, some signatures WILL be invalid. That’s the nature of petitions. WE NEED MORE.**Contact?Fair Elections Ohio for a signing event in your area or to collect signatures yourself.

The following is a list of various on-the-ground activities* that you and your fellow activists can join to make a difference in the month of September. Tomorrow, I’ll be at the Planned Parenthood rally passing out awesome pink t-shirts, and I’ll have a “We’ve Had Enough!” sign for anyone that would like to add their picture to our Facebook album. Please sign up, pass around, and hopefully I’ll see you there!

*If you know of an event that is not on this list, please comment and let me know so I can add it. The events are centered in Cleveland and Columbus, and I just know that there must be more in other areas I haven’t heard about; I’d like this blog to center on statewide events and issues rather than only those near my own residence. Suggestions for October are also welcome, as I’d like to make a similar list at the beginning of the month.

September 17

Raise Your Hand Rally 2011: Planned Parenthood of Northeast OhioWhen? 1:30pm – 3:00pmWhere?Cleveland Health Center, 7997 Euclid Avenue, Cleveland, OHWhat? Join Planned Parenthood of Northeast Ohio and our supporters September 17, 2011 for the Raise Your Hand Rally at the Planned Parenthood Cleveland Health Center. Students, supporters, and Planned Parenthood Federation of America president, Cecile Richards, will all be speaking at the event; as well as Nicke J. Antonio. They will address the countless attacks on reproductive justice and families in Ohio and why they “raise their hand” in support of Planned Parenthood and their services. (Nickie J. Antonio will also be having an informal meeting before the rally, for location and time please email me: weheohio[at]gmail[dot]com)RSVP?On Facebook; On Web

GetEQUAL’s Day of DiscontentWhen? 3:00pm – 6:00pmWhere?Downtown Columbus, Statehouse, 3rd & BroadWhat? Join us in urging legislators to not rest on this one piece of our equality BUT rather CONTINUE to legislate in favor of making us FULL AMERICAN CITIZENS. Come out and take a stand with us! WE NEED YOUR TO HELP MAKE A DIFFERENCE. Numbers matter!RSVP?On Facebook

September 27

Equal Housing and Employment Act (EHEA) Rally, Press Conference & Lobby DayWhen? 1:30 – 2:30Where?Statehouse, Columbus, OHWhat? Ohio State Representatives Ross McGregor and Nickie Antonio will introduce EHEA in the House. EHEA prohibits discrimination in housing, employment and public accommodations on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity. Take the opportunity on September 27th to visit your State Senator and State Representative to ask them to support EHEA.RSVP?On Facebook

*JUST ADDED*

OHLA: the Ohio Lady Advocates will be having their first meeting at YSU!When? 4:00pm – 5:00pmWhere? Bresnahan III (down the hall at the rear entrance of Kilcawley Center), Kilcawley Center, YSUWhat? We’re looking for young women and men who are interested in getting involved with actions that target local and state issues that threaten women’s, and men’s, access to quality, affordable healthcare options. We’ll discuss upcoming events, current projects/issues, and much, much more. Please invite your friends! These issues are especially important to college students, so come join us!RSVP?On Facebook

October 2

First Annual Non-Violence Parade and RallyWhen? 3:00pm – 5:00pmWhere? Lincoln Ave., Youngstown, OHWhat? Ohio Lady Advocates will be participating in Youngstown’s first ever Non-Violence parade in celebration of Non-Violence Week (Oct. 2-8). The parade is open to all nonprofit organizations such as youth groups, athletic teams, church groups, neighborhood watch groups as well as businesses and government officials and politicians. We will start on Lincoln Ave. in front of the new YSU business school and proceed downtown. March with us in the parade and shout with us at the rally to help us wipe out violence!RSVP?On Facebook

Ongoing

Repeal Senate Bill 5What? Register new voters; Distribute Absentee Ballot Request Applications because these forms will NOT be mailed to voters automatically this year; Canvass or Phone Bank to converse with the community about the importance of voting NO on Issue 2 in order to STOP SB5.Contact?Fight For A Fair Economy or We Are Ohio

Stop House Bill 194, The Voter Suppression LawWhat? HB194 would severely limit early voting by mail, prohibit poll workers from assisting voters in completing forms, and make it more difficult for early voters to access in-person locations during evening hours and Sundays. We are currently collecting petition signatures to get a citizen’s VETO onto the 2012 ballot, and the deadline to STOP this law from affecting the 2011 elections is September 28.Contact?Fair Elections Ohio for a signing event in your area or to collect signatures yourself.