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Sublime Torture Fest IX

Mother of Shits! Where do I start with this bloody weekend adventure? I’ll just start with the journey to Sublime Torture Fest which was quite long and hard.

As I entered the back of the car to join my friends, the girl on the co-pilot seat forgot her purse on the roof as we drove off. We heard some weird noise but it took us a few meters to realize what it was and to turn back. Her pack of smokes was sitting on the road and someone had ran over an apple. Off to a good start am I right? We still had to pick up one of our friends on the way. Well, we did found her purse, so it could be worse.

Why not worse then? On our way there (still a long way from the festival) the front left tire exploded! No, no, it didn’t got punctured a little bit, it got totally ripped. No big deal right? Just change the fucking tire right? I mean, every car has a spare tire because it’s illegal to drive around in a car without a spare tire right? No car would pass inspection without a spare tire in the back right? Right?

Of course! What do you think, we’re crazy? No. We had a spare tire and we popped it right in and were on our way to party the hardest in Castelo Branco with all our good friends and get riggidy wrecked.

But wait! What did the driver and co-diver just said? That tire was a flat they switched TWO YEARS AGO??? AND IT’S PUNCUTRED? AND WE HAVE TO STOP AT EVERY GAS STATION TO CHECK ON IT AND FILL IT UP?

Mother of fuck, won’t we just get there already so I can drown my concerns in beer and drugs?

We did! Finally we got to Castelo Branco, we missed “Enblood” but we got to Sublime Torture Fest and we ran inside in time to catch “Happy Farm” in all its glory. We also got there in time to give the vocalist his sexy stage outfit that make his muscles stand out. “Coiçe na Tromba”, “Happy Animals” and other beautiful, eye tearing songs made the party along with great stage presence and charisma from the vocalist who also had electric nipples.

Next came “Verme”, a grind crust band that got shit moving as fast as their music. The party kept rolling nicely with them, lots of pscyho crazy smiles, arm waving and body slamming in that pit while they played.

Then came the Portuguese Brutal Death quartet “Analepsy”, since always that I’ve seen these guys everyone gets super horny and the show is always good. Their music is good so it’s expected, lots of moshing going on, hair all over the place, people jumping off stage and they even played an extra song because the audience was so horny for their music. That sums up an “Analepsy” show, nice, brutal and good, always worth checking out.

Dinner time came around which meant an hour to fill up on food and beer to keep up the rest of the night.

Whirlpool of blood, AKA “WxOxBx” played the soundtrack to our digestion after dinner and quite a nice one I must say. Their show started slow since some people were still stuffing their faces but with plenty of attitude from the band and joy from the few attending. Eventually the front started to fill up and the party was on, flying people, spilled beers and whirlpools of hair, overall great stuff and fun, a show to remember.

Local Portuguese Death Metal was up next “Dead Meat”! Every person in the front was dead meat to them as their music swirled people around like an electric mixer, when the band is from the house they always play a proper house party show.

Afterwards came the first far away foreigner band. “Carnifloor” was just one guy playing guitar but oh boy did shit get crazy when he played. The party was just as powerful as before but in each concert you noticed the added amount of beer taking effect on people and it was glorious, gallons of beer were being wasted by people trying to drink in the mosh pit and still things were pretty alcoholised in general. Another show to remember.

Then the guy from “Carnifloor” went to get his friends who also know how to play their instruments very well and “Korpse” gave a massive show to a drunk, death metal hungry crowd.

Shit really got intense here, the whole front of the room was spinning and not just because we were drunk. “Korpse” had a tremendous stage presence and their music really brought the party to an earth quaking point. Every one of them was really good at their respective instruments which made everyone in attendance even hornier. Memorable as fuck, it made me feel sorry for myself since I missed them playing on the OEF stage.

To hammer the final nail in the party coffin “Brutal Brain Damage” played a nice show full of moshing and dancing. The floor was ridiculously slippery by now but that stopped no one from swinging and jumping around to the catchy grind tunes that were currently and brutally brain damaging us. This also made me feel sad for missing them on XXXICKEN Party, but I had no idea what happened to them then. All I know is their show at the Sublime Torture Stage was really great and I won’t forget it anytime soon.

A great festival full of the good stuff, more beer came after the shows and we made the rest of the party ourselves, always staying drunk on drugs. A Sublime experience indeed right? Right!

The Sublime part ended and the Torture part began when some random guy came and told me my friend was puking all over himself next to the car. We went to see and our DRIVER was actually not puking all over himself, he was passed out all over the floor and his girl.

We decided to call it a day and head home, but wait, wasn’t our tire a two year old flat? Oh right.

Extremely long story short because I’m sure you guys have better things to do than read about our sad adventure, it was 4 am, we got home at 18:00 on Sunday.

That miserable shit apart, Sublime Torture Fest was great, it went great, I’d do it again if I had a Helicopter or if the bill pulls me by the balls. See you maybe next year probably.