Archive for the ‘happiness’ Category

The word “empathy” comes from a Greek term that means “to feel in” or “to feel inside” oneself, as one’s own, the emotional reality of others: a quality that is a blessing for the soul. Empathy is the capacity of standing in the other people’s shoes, of feeling, understanding, perceiving, accepting and sharing feelings and emotions with others; it is emotional intelligence in action. As with all things, this quality needs to be balanced, lack of empathy will cut us off from our surroundings, an excess of it can thin out the diffuse line that separates our emotional life from that of others to the point of losing our own identity …

Someone without empathy can be a threat for society and for himself, because he can’t feel others he may wound or ill-treat them without turning a hair. Because they can’t perceive the suffering of others, those who lack empathy are actual emotional illiterates incapable of understanding or taking pity of their fellow men, even less so of creating harmony in a group.

Excess of empathy can also be harmful if we reach the point where we become insensitive to our own needs and emotions to the benefit of others; it is generosity misunderstood, a personal sacrifice that can lead us to the loss of our own identity or to become victims of manipulation. Those who have excess of empathy are no longer in contact with their own reality and no longer know if what they feel is their own emotion or somebody else’s. They can sacrifice themselves for others to their own prejudice, putting themselves at risk or even leading to self-destruction. Excess of empathy can be love of mankind misunderstood resulting in self-inflicted violence or self-denial.

Empathy is an important skill for the emotional and sensitive knowledge of our milieu providing us with information that enables us to make the best decisions for common good, including the capacity of blocking out non-empathic individuals who are not aware of the violence they exercise. Empathy and the information it gives us enable us to make other people happy, to help them or heal them if that is what they need, to protect the innocent from the destructiveness of the non-empathic.

In my opinion, empathy is of vital importance because it gives us the right measure of our feelings when understanding, helping, improving, enjoying, sharing or standing by others, it helps us protect our own emotional life without letting ourselves being run over to the extent of missing our own course.

Speaking of negative emotions, during many years I have seen in my classes people whose excess of empathy made them block themselves out as the only means to avoid the suffering resulting from other people’s pain. They were so caught up in other people’s suffering that they became unable to help or understand others and at the same time were totally incapable of understanding or helping themselves. By cutting off their feelings to avoid suffering, they stopped feeling themselves; they tried to live and understand life only through their minds and finally reached a point where their emotional life shrank to the extent that they couldn’t make emotionally and intellectually balanced decisions any more.

If we make decisions based on ideas that seem all right and reasonable but we don’t take into consideration how they make us feel, we’re heading for failure in the long run. When we have an idea and we are well tuned with our emotions, these will give us the right feeling about the experiences that the idea will bring about for us when it is implemented. Without such emotional information we may put in practice ideas that attempt on our feelings, ideals and longings and in the end on our soul. We’re all familiar with the “this is what I wanted, now I’ve got it and still I’m not happy” sort of feeling, the typical result of a decision made with head but not tested with the heart.

Pain is an emotional sign that should be overcome and not blocked off; otherwise we risk it becoming a chronic condition generating not only much suffering but many negative patterns that will limit our personality. Instead of living a creative life that is the source of positive experiences and happiness, the “sufferer” spends his life seeking to avoid suffering, stops loving life and all he does is oppose it or protect himself against it.

The solution is not to block oneself off but rather to learn to handle our emotions allowing ourselves to feel them, letting them offer us their message, essential for the making of decisions that will bring us benefits and happiness instead of destruction and suffering. If we don’t pay attention to our emotions in our daily decision-making, we may end up immersed in the very suffering that we are trying to avoid.

The other case is positive empathy. Feeling the love, the enthusiasm and the joy of the other person may fill us with positive emotions, of vital importance if we try to re-create them in our own lives too. Many receive this sort of emotions, they “consume” them and enjoy them, but they do nothing creative with them. If something positive moves you, make the most of the gift that somebody else created for you and move in that direction, generate more energy and be an inspiration for those who in their turn seek to live on and learn to generate positive energy. Seek to provide your example and creativity for others, just as somebody else did for you. Give back to the World the blessings that the World provided for you and everything will rest in balance.

I have recently visited a dear friend who has just had a baby. We talked about the wonderful and undeniably deep change of role that has come about in her life as a result of her motherhood, and we also discussed the need to find a life mission through one’s work, through whichever task or activity we carry out in society.

There are different levels of involvement in life.

– On a first level we find those who are seeking to cover only their basic needs such as food, drink, entertainment, consumption, relationships … and not much more. Normally they don’t contribute much to society and they benefit more from society than they generate. They show a lack of respect for other people’s work and disregard the basic standards of life in common, (they don’t recycle, they pester neighbours, they’re disrespectful towards teachers and seniors …) because they only think of their own benefit and not of benefiting others. They misuse all the goods they are given, including their own life and health, they are the people who tend to demand from society more than they are ready contribute.

– The second level includes people involved in improving only their own private lives: a better house, better relationships, a better job that will give them a better status, better physical appearance and better health: happiness through material and emotional issues. They work to cover their own needs and at the most those of the company they work for, after all they’re getting paid for it, but that’s it. These people don’t think of common good or common interests, only of their own. They can misuse, neglect or squander the goods and services at their disposal, whether by ignorance or carelessness. Some are well-meaning and try to find solutions that will help them advance in their personal satisfaction, and that can make them feel they want to progress.

– On a third level we find people who understand helping themselves and helping others, who contribute the best of themselves to society, who try to do their bit not only for their own wellbeing but also for that of other people who may need their help, their intelligence or their solutions. They find a new dimension in their work realising they can give a new meaning to their activity beyond their own benefit, they contribute their creativity as an added value in everything they do. In this level individuals transcend the family and think of changing and improving the society in which they live.

A good example would be this place in Madrid where they make the most incredible cakes . I buy there every now and then and because the quality is so exceptional I once asked the baker and owner of the shop why he had decided to start precisely that business. He answered that knowing he was good at making cakes he had decided to make people happy by sweetening their lives. And indeed he does! He put his gift at the service of other people’s happiness: that’s what I call a higher motivation that gives sense to an activity, whichever it may be. It’s not just working for money, it is finding a reward in making other people happy with whatever it is that you’re good at, using a natural gift, in this case that of making those wonderful cakes. A simple activity suddenly becomes an accomplished mission.

In this third level work has a different meaning, some people feel that their activity transcends, that it has an actual repercussion on other people’s lives, it makes them better, there is a purpose, that of improving what there is.

– The fourth level, the least practiced, includes individuals with a vocation for service, those who see the world as a whole, as a higher spiritual plan where we are all called to contribute. What’s important in this level, apart from “my” personal and immediate family plan, is to contribute to THE GENERAL PLAN with the best we have, the gift we were given at birth, the capacities and skills that one loves.

In this level the soul is always involved, it’s not just the personality that sets the targets any more, it’s the soul that seeks good from the deepest of human being, guiding him or her by means of signs, happy encounters, sinchronicity and magic. At this level it is not just personal pleasure that counts, but general wellbeing.

We all have a gift, those who don’t use it, who don’t develop it, who don’t care for it or improve it, those who don’t put it to the service of mankind, finally lose it, thus missing the intimate joy of the service rendered to mankind. In this level people think in terms of improving the world using the best they have received, their personal gift. Through his activity, the individual’s purpose is to change not only his family and society, but the world, improving it where he can, even in the smallest things; added to others with the same purpose, the changes are significant. And they do so in spite of negative people, those who couldn’t care less, who think only of themselves and those in levels 1 and 2 who find it so hard to believe that their help is also necessary.

In this level one doesn’t think in terms only of one’s own and other people’s interest, it is about seeking to improve, to contribute one’s creativity to the wellbeing of those who will come after us, to one’s country, to the continent, to the whole world, the planet that welcomes us, to nature, to animals, to the wellbeing of everything alive. In this level are those who love this planet, those who love, respect and care for life and nature, who seek to benefit and preserve it, not just use it and waste it.

In the fourth level are those who work to form coming generations, those who research for the future, those who undertake projects they will probably not see completed because they have been conceived for the long term, those who seek to create a new and better concept of living, those who prevent, who create solutions and at the same time live and care for their environment. Whether they are believers or not, their viewpoint is to elevate and spiritualize their experience in the material plane.

Believe me, one only has to set a higher intention in one’s mind to start out on a new adventure and find a new concept of happiness, that of the souls involved not only in personal evolution and happiness, but also in the evolution and happiness of what we call mankind of which we are all part. The mind gives us the ideas appropriate to our intention, if we rise our intention we channel a higher energy.

Some other day we will talk about intention, it seems this text is asking for it … in the meantime, take good care of yourselves.

After reading the last entry “Working on Happiness”, one of my readers called me and asked:

What happens if you have an objective, you work on it, and it doesn’t turn out as you wished? It’s so frustrating … what happens to happiness then?

I don’t have all the answers, but I have worked with many people and I have come to the conclusion that what we were told about “ask and you shall receive” falls somewhat short. Asking is just the first step. If you set yourself a definite objective you must always bear in mind that you make decisions from where you stand at that moment and that you normally don’t know what lies ahead of you, what you will need, what you will have to work on, what you will have to solve or sacrifice in order to reach your objective. Making and assuming the decision to “go for it no matter what happens” is just the beginning, many simply drop it there.

Then we realise that as well as the objective and the results we want to reach, we must count on the necessary qualities that we will need to reach those results. What if I decide to be my own boss and work to make it true? Not only will I need an objective and an implementation plan, I will have to develop skills such as self-discipline, determination, work, observation, preparation … and a great deal more qualities I will need to cover the way. In order to reach success I will have to work on 20-30 patterns at least. Sometimes it is more important to ask the Universe for guidance in this sense than the actual results.

For example: A part of me longs for the freedom of being my own boss, having my own business, but there are other parts of me that can be incompatible with such objective, patterns I will discover, work on and re-program so that they may not block the physical manifestation of the circumstances, ideas and help that the Universe affords us when we have a plan. The energy of advance in these plans will be hindered by negative patterns such as fear of failure, fear of success, or a pattern of laziness, or one that makes me too hasty and therefore makes me make too many mistakes so that I have to constantly rectify, or I may lack vision of the future, or I am careless with capital that I must invest, or I chose the wrong collaborators or partners, or I rush into things without a clear idea of what I want to contribute to the company, or I am afraid of risk, or I risk too much without giving it much thought …

It can also be that if we have had several attempts without success because of all those negative patterns, we add what we already think and say about our own capacity as a result of our bad experience, such as: “I’m not good enough, I always botch it up, there’s no point in my trying to do anything, I always end up with people who let me down …”

On top of it, most people try to learn about the rules of society and yes, they are essential for advance, but we must also study the laws of Nature and of the Universe. If we observe Nature and its laws we realise they are fair and balanced, Nature regulates itself. Whereas the laws of men are sometimes fair, but not always. The combination of both is what has mankind confused about what we should do in order to get things right from the start, it is the reason why men don’t understand why the world is the way it is.

By constantly interfering with the laws of Nature and physical manifestation, men end up changing the rules of the game. Thus, according to man’s criteria, in Nature the best is the master. But sometimes, in some human societies, it is stupidity, superficiality, selfishness, pettiness or violence that are most valued, thus removing the best individuals from power and decision-making, simply because the worst are the most valued. The sole responsibility for this lack of balance is man’s value system. The crisis of values we are going through is the result of the inability to value what is really important.

The best we can do is to get to know ourselves and understand which values and talents we need to achieve our objectives. If we set ourselves targets but we are not conscious that we need spiritual and psychological work and tools as well as the physical and material ones, we can be in for a lot of frustration and discouragement. A self-assessment is the mother of all blessings, and putting those blessings at the service of Nature is our duty.

Some people reach happiness and success by chance, sometimes it is only material, sometimes it is only spiritual, but because it is not a conscious happiness it’s unlikely to be long lasting. Those who seek to experience it and share it on all levels -spiritual, mental, emotional and material- have the worthiest possible objective, that of a soul in search of its own fulfilment.

If only we would take some of Nature’s ideas to achieve this, if we finally decided to serve Nature and not exploit it, we would be doing a lot better. Service has a lot to do with our longed for happiness.

My much appreciated doggy friends are a constant source of inspiration these days. One of them appeared today radiant with happiness, she had made a great decision that would change her life and she was beside herself with joy. The issue this time was happiness and why it is that when one reaches such a state one tries to perpetuate it, and she asked me for my opinion.

When it comes to happiness there are opinions to suit all tastes, as many as there are definitions for the of the word. The fact is that there isn’t a definite formula for it, but I would like to give some thought to certain aspects of it that sometimes lead to confusion. Is happiness just a question of ‘moments’, as some say? It depends on how you have worked on it.

We have many different roles in life, the lady I’ve been sharing my reflections with today is a daughter, a friend, a colleague, she’s a worker, she goes out partying, she has a lovely –and somewhat of a rascal- dog, she’s a sister, a couple, an ex-couple too … we all have an endless capacity of interpreting roles and each one has its pattern. Patterns can be balanced or not, according to each person’s life experiences, his personal history, his capabilities, his traumas … one can be happy carrying out certain patterns and deeply unhappy in others. We tend to practice more those we are better at and neglect those we are not very good at, and the result are the well-known emotional to’s and fro’s that we find so disorienting.

Happiness is a question of ‘moments’ if the person is happy in just one or two roles, but not in the rest. Some people think it has to do with chance or coincidence. I rather tend to think that happiness is a wonderful mixture of talent, intuition, work, magic, dedication, care, attention, love and commitment … but, above all, of inner work, knowing ourselves, knowing what we really want and striving to achieve it, and do so in most of the roles we carry out in this world.

A very common mistake is to pretend that if happiness is reached in a given aspect of our life this should make up for the need to be happy in other less fortunate ones. Managing to be happy in some aspect and neglecting the rest is usually devastating in the long term, unless the person in question has enough with one or two roles in life. Each to his own. In the end happiness is the quotient between what one wants and what one achieves. In today’s conversation my friend’s sentence came out in a clear and concise way: “At this moment of my life I get everything I want” That is a feeling of personal satisfaction very much related to happiness, but even to want and wish for things, we need to know.

They say, for example, that ‘money doesn’t give happiness’ which is only half true, it can give material happiness, but obviously not family happiness, or happiness in our relationship, or personal fulfilment. Pretending that happiness in one aspect is also responsible for happiness in all the rest is, to say the least, naïve. Nor does happiness in the family necessarily give us personal fulfilment, or happiness with our friends imply happiness in our relationship. Happiness is the combination of many different parts, so I wished my doggy friend that, now that she is feeling so happy, to make the most of her good moment and work on as many aspects of herself as she can, especially those she finds harder, so that the success she has reached in one of them may serve her as inspiration for the rest.