老公客串文：老婆的波蘭外家之我見 – Sing’s guest post: being married into Polish family

I’m writing about our intercultural and interracial relationship from my point of view. These are my thoughts on stereotypes I’ve heard, my confrontations with them in reality and overall experience I gain.But every relationship has the other person who might see it in a completely different way. Sing had his own expectations, he heard stereotypes about Poles, he has experienced things in our relationship differently.

Have you ever wonder how he felt about Poland and Polish people? How it is for him to be married into Polish family (I bet much cooler than having a Momzilla as your mother-in-law)? Here’s his answer! And yes, I couldn’t leave it without my comments!

To be honest I never thought my future wife will be Poland. Even though I am not attracted to my own race, I still could only image my wife most likely will be from somewhere like US, UK or any other major English-speaking country. That seemed to be the only natural way of thing going since me and my dream future wife would use English as a language to communicate.

Poland to me is very far away because it is not a popular tourist destination in my country. If Hongkongers visit Central Europe they will more likely choose Czech or Austria rather than Poland. The very first time I heard of Poland is that they got invaded by Nazi Germany and World War II started since then. From my parents’ point of view, they thought Poland is still a communist country like Czechoslovakia (which no longer exists) and Yugoslavia (which also no longer exists). My mother grew up under the Communist China like many older Hong Kong parents and this stereotype has been passed down to me. It took my parents awhile to get over this impression, not to mention my outside grandparents (I wait for the day when Sing’s grandma asks me do we have color TVs in Poland – Lina).However, since I am interested in politics and current affair, I at least know Poland is a part of the EU since a decade ago. (Way to go Sing, almost 3 years of marriage and you know which year we joined EU! – Lina)

My first impression of Poland was very warming. Many buildings were built in one style and not many historical buildings like in Western Europe except the city center due to over two black centuries in Poland’s history. All those elements added together gave me a feeling of Shanghai in the early 90s, where I spent my summer holiday almost every year. That was the Shanghai I like, not the city with fully of the skyscraper like now because I got Hong Kong already. (#FirstWorldProblems – Lina)

With all the familiar feelings after arriving Poland, I have to say my parents in law are very sweet. Most of Polish people I met were really sweet to me, always smiling. To be honest I wasn’t sure how Paulina’s parents will behave in front of me, especially since I knew nothing about Poland and I am not white. In some way they are also very Chinese – they will treat the guest of the house like God. Eat more, eat this, eat that, maybe you want something to drink, have a cake. And not only them – any aunt we visit, any neighbor we meet will ask about the same thing and offer the best things they have. (It’s because we don’t want Momzilla to call us that we make you starve – Lina)However, by showing respect I was able to communicate with them even if I don’t speak the language. Furthermore, since we can’t communicate verbally, they pay more attention to my behavior and they can understand who I am by that. I feel I am treated with respected.

Before going to Poland, I heard that eastern side of Europe is not as welcoming towards foreigners comparing to the West. I have to say it is half true, I think it is because they are not used to openly express themselves to random people so foreigners don’t find them as friendly. But speaking of racism, I had much worse experience in Italy than Poland, Hungary or Czech.

The thing that I cannot get used to is bread and butter. Mostly butter. So many years together and I am still not used to put butter on bread or I will eat the main dish without bread because it’s not obvious to me. The very first time I went to meet her parents she had to help me to make a sandwich because I had no idea how to do it. (Engineer who can’t make a simple sandwich, that’s funny – Lina) I guess this is the preference I can’t get change since I am Asian.

At the end, Polish parents are not difficult to deal with. I think Paulina has it worse with my family.She even jokes that they treat me better than her (well, I can’t joke that Momzilla treats me better than her Little Prince – Lina). I believe it is all because of being respectful and polite. They show me care because I was the one their daughter chose. You might think Polish parents can sometimes be too close to their child and advise too much, but it’s only because they want a good husband (or wife) to their little ones.My words to your guys who want to have a foreign partner, but are too scared of differences, is: go for it and be yourself with respects to other ones.

Aside of my personal experience, Poland is great travel destination. If you have not been to the Eastern side of Europe, I strongly recommend you give a go because it is a totally different experience than what you see on TV. And who knows, maybe you can find love there as well?

Have you ever felt the same way about your partner and his family? Maybe you have similar experience? Feel free to share it with us!

omg, my husband hates butter too! he can eat chcolate, but not a lot of it.. small piececs in small dozes :)))) but butter… never~! I often try to smuggle some butter into the dishes I cook, I try to fry ‘kotlety’ on butter instead of oil (cuz my mum does that :D) but he always can tell ! “Oh, you used butter in that!” “Noo…. why do you say so..?” :))))) Apart from that, he can eat bread, at least vietnamese style of bread which is “french baguette” or enormous size of rolls.. I like them too, but polish bread is better XD Once I bought the bread machine to make my own bread at home, after trying my first one, he said it’s to dense and heavy and for sure I don”t know how to make bread. But then my parents came and brought me 2 loaves of bread, he tried and said “Oh, it’s the same as your bread, too haevy!” . . . So yeah, he’s not really a fan of real bread 😛

those Vietnamese sandwiches are AMAZING! Sing took me few times back in LA to his favorite store – now if I have a chance and get some BBQ pork I will make it at home 😀 that’s one of the very few sandwiches Sing will eat and never complain 😀

Poor engineer Sing that he can’t even make sandwiches :p
Thankfully my wife has no troubles with bread, butter and anything related to it as long as it doesn’t get too much (we just love good bread for breakfast in Germany). Besides she makes some terrific sandwiches!
Perhaps I should get my wife to write about her experiences with my parents and Finland/ Germany 🙂

I am a hongkonger who is studying in UK university. I used to have feeling a English girl . We knew each other for 2 years and we are very closed to each other. However , last month I had a chat with her about relationship . I confessed that I fancy on her and want her to be my girlfriend. She refused . She said it was nice to be friend with me but I am not her cup of tea. We are so different . She mentioned about language problem and cultural barrier . She said she didn’t mind to have Asian boyfriend but he have to be grown up in UK (British Born something/native speaker …) or have already lived in UK for a long time . Obviously , I am not a BBC as I grown up in Hong Kong and I am not interested in British culture ( I don’t like clubbing and drink too much alcohol) .Sometimes I feel sad why I didn’t satisfy her criterions ….Anyway, Sing is so lucky to have wonderful foreign wife 🙂

sometimes we just cannot force it on anyone, some people are too scared to give a chance to someone from a different culture; language barrier is also a thing, it’s harder to express ones feelings – I often tell Sing ‘you cannot say things like that, you sound like an asshole’ but I’m the only person who knows what he wants to say, he just cannot clearly express himself. I wish you all the best in your love life 🙂

I think that’s the problem. Most Chinese men look at mainstream culture (going out to bars, drinking) and think that’s what all white women are like. So they never even try to look for the ones that aren’t into those things.

Well , I mean there’s exceptions to everything. Nothing can be taken at face value to represent everything. But generally, and maybe because you guys are closer to Europe, things aren’t like that here in the states & Canada. Maybe its because drinking culture is heavily tied into the frats and etc ,which are all heavily white. White women who are heavily into drinking culture that are also into asian guys? Unlikely.

This was such a great interview to read. My favourite line is, “they will treat the guest of the house like God”. I did not know that about Polish parents. So friendly and Sing must have always felt he is part of the group in some way no matter how different he is 😀

We even have a saying ‘Gość w dom Bóg w dom’ which literally means ‘Guest in the house, God in the house’ – what is ours, is yours. But as a ‘heritage’ of communist times there was one more ‘Guest in the house, sugar into the locker’ 😀

WTF?! Engineers are well known for not being able to make Polish sandwiches! What’s wrong with that?? 😀

I think I am having the same ideas as pre-girlfriend Sing. I’d like to imagine I would have a future wife of a different country, but I would expect her to be from English speaking countries. I think Sing is very brave and cool for being able to enjoy your family’s company despite the language barrier.

Seriously though, I’m not sure if I want to trust this guest post. Are you sure Sing did not write in under distress and maybe some threats of running away with Biscuit? Come on, I think deep down, he thinks his mom is being nice to you. 😀

he didn’t even know how to slice the bun 😀 I think I should give him TWI and a job breakdown sheet with key points of making a sandwich 😀 we made those as a task during one of the meetings, job breakdown of making coffee etc. so I should make him one for sandwiches 😀
he thinks that way because it’s his mother, but my parents are cooler 😀 btw. Momzilla arrived on 16th of December! T__T

Man and woman have always been treated unequally in Asian culture regardless the wife is an Asian or White. Even if Sing would have married an Asian, momzilla will still be scary. This is due to China having a one child policy so they prefer a boy over a girl. After a Chinese boy get married, his children will carry the family surname. Hopefully, Chinese attitude will change after adopting the two child policy. You are super brave to marry a Chinese man. I’d rather die alone and spend all my savings on vacation 😉 I used to think China should have a more gay couples since they have a surplus of unmarried men while India should have more lesbian couples to prevent parents from performing female infanticides. In India, the female family are usually too poor to prepare wedding dowry. So, if Indian girls marry each other, no dowry required. Problem solved! 😉 Does Sing drink cold milk? I heard that Chinese dislike cold milk.

Sing’s father in from Hong Kong and that’s the place Sing grew up – it has no one child policy, Sing has a sister 😀 it’s just she’s not the princess, there can only be one heir in the family 😀 it’s not due the policy, but because of the fact that if you marry out a son, he will keep the family surname and properties with him but if you have only a daughter and you give her away you basically give the work of your life, all wealth to someone else’s family. Sing’s mom is from China so her mind was affected by one child policy since her brother and sister had only one child (both were guys), so she could see boys as the only good ones, but she herself has two kids (although I need to admit her mind is very stuck on ‘boys are better’ :D) and I agree – she would be mean to any girl UNLESS she’s super rich and takes care of the family and let Sing just relax and enjoy his life 😀

I think even if Sing’s “hypothetical” wife is super rich and super nice, momzilla will still have complains. If Sing sit around doing nothing, she’ll worry he’ll become a societal trash leaching off his wife’s fortune. Chinese do not like people who make no contribution. Her being mean has more to do with her fear of being dispensable and losing importance. This is typical characteristic of Asian mom who has only one son. If she has more sons, then they become less precious. Since she only has one son, she devout all her energy, time and resources in developing the one and only prince. The more one invest, the higher the stakes. Rule of economics 😉

Actually, my Chinese mother-in-law is the sweetest person in the world and they treat both of their children equally. It always depends more on personal culture, you know? Scary Momzillas are like this just because they are bitches…

Yay for guest posts! I had a good giggle about your comments. Nice looking site! I haven’t visited in months. Is it new? By the way, I tried to verbally coach hubby through the making of grilled cheese sandwiches on the weekend. It was an almost disaster. I figured hubs had eaten them enough to know what I was talking about. Nope. ;D