When an MSNBC reporter asks repug Rep. Mike Conaway why the g-tards are blasting President Obama's response to the flight 253 incident when failed preznit Tipsy McStaggers took six fucking days to get around to commenting on the shoe bomber in 2001, the hypocritical turd can only babble, sounding bizarrely like Kodos in Treehouse of Horror VII:

"My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom."

Good one, dumbass.

Bonus: "Some of the same Republican lawmakers currently criticizing the President for softness on terrorism voted back in July 2007 against legislation that provided $250 million for airport screening and explosive detection equipment."

Grotesque asshat Rush Limbaugh was hospitalized in New Kenya after an oxycontin- and viagra-fueled sex romp with young boys went disastrously wrong. Or something like that. In other news, America's Junkie TM is now on some brand new awesome drugs as doctors race to discover what may have caused the piece of shit's chest pains.

As the Rude One would say, we're not saying we hope he dies, we're not not saying we're not hoping he dies. Not.

This comes only days after hearing that Satan's porcine handmaiden Karl Rove had been granted a divorce from his human female wife after behaving like a typical rethuglican:

Karl married Darby Hickson in 1986. They have one son, Andrew. Rove's previous marriage to a Houston socialite ended after a year.

Actor Randy Quaid recently complained in a letter to a judge that Rove hit on his wife, Evi.

Moments after Blue Dog Rep. Parker Griffith announces that he's switching from Dem to R, teabaggers vow to take him down in the next election.

"Being a Republican should be about more than just the letter next to a person's name… He voted for Pelosi for Speaker. He's actually been more regularly with Pelosi than Jim Marshall (D-GA). We can pick this guy off and get a real Republican in that seat.

"Again, changing the letter next to your name does not magically make you one of us."

Last week a disgusted John McCain claimed to never have seen a senator denied a few extra moments to finish his remarks -- except for that time he himself denied another senator a few extra moments to finish his remarks.

Flashback to October 10, 2002...

The PRESIDING OFFICER. The Senator’s time has expired.

Mr. DAYTON. I ask for unanimous consent that I have 30 seconds more to finish my remarks.

Sarah Palin is booted from her scheduled $200,000 speech at a Canadian socialist hospital fundraiser following a huge backlash.

The dumbasses at the Hamilton Health Sciences Foundation received about 60 angry calls and e-mails from residents since the event was announced last week. About 10 people said they would not be donating to any event in which Palin has a role.

Palin is an out-spoken conservative critic of new public health care plans in the U.S. and is scornful of Canada’s universal health care system.

The doughs for gingerbread and for sugar crisps are chilling and shortbread is next, once the butter softens. Tomorrow it'll be chocolate & peanut butter cookies and hopefully rumballs, if I can pry the bottle away from the BF. I haven't baked cookies in years -- I'd forgotten how much fun messy it is. : ) And raw cookie dough: nommmmmmmm.

"This morning the Senate Republicans tried to filibuster the Defense Department appropriation bill -- that is to say, the funding for our soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan -- so as to cock-up health care reform. The hypocrisy of this is just blood-curdling. These are the people who scream about patriotism."

Glenn Beck misses "the good old days when Russia was a radar blip from nuking us, hot dogs only cost a smile, black people weren't sensitive about mistreatment, and everyone felt as great as they did the day after 9/11."

"The difference between a Glenn Beck conspiracy and the coronation scene in 'Carrie' is Carrie didn't overreact as hysterically": a tour de force.

"It's the charge of the light brigade!" Rep. Michele Bachmann yelled to an assembled crowd of tea party activists Tuesday, which responded with rapturous applause. Bachmann apparently didn't know she had compared them to a unit about to die in battle in one of the most spectacular blunders in military history. Not counting the Bush/Cheney Iraq war.

"Oh, what did I say this time?" the total embarrassment asked when informed of the comparison.

'He's not good enough, he's not smart enough, and gosh darn it, people don't like him.’

Sen./douchebag Joe Lieberman was holding forth on Medicare on the Senate floor when his allotted time expired. As is standard practice, Lieberman asked the chair for a few minutes of additional time to conclude, "without objection."

But the presiding officer, one huge-balled Sen. Al Franken, said no. "Sit down and STFU. Seriously.”

What? Oh. Well, he should have.

”In my capacity as Senator from Minnesota, I object," he told the shriveled quisling.

Lieberman laughed. "Really? Okay, I don't take it personally."

Douche.

But John McCain did. Rising to defend his asshole buddy he told Franken that in 20-plus years in the Senate, he'd never seen a member denied an extra minute or two of floor time.

"I don't know what's happening here in this body," McCain said, retying his onion to his belt, "but I think it is wrong. Joe Lieberman is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot and a communist, but he is not a porn star.”

Old and busted: visiting ACORN as a pimp and prostitute.New hotness: using the repuke voters database to stalk women:

More misconduct has been alleged against Arizona Republican Party executive director Brett Mecum, who is now the subject of a criminal complaint alleging he used the Republican's voter database to stalk a young female graduate student...

None of the women were willing to speak on the record. Some were afraid of Mecum. Others were afraid of hurting the party. Each, for her own reasons, was afraid to speak out. In fact, the only woman who feels safe enough to file a formal complaint against Mecum did so as she was moving out of state.

Of course, the RNC is standing behind their man. Just far enuff back that it doesn't look gay.

December 11, 2009

Governor of South Carolina leaves to spend more time hiking the Appalachian Trail with his Argentine mistress.

Leaves his family:

The wife of adulterous a-hole Mark Sanford (R) announced Friday morning she is filing for divorce, saying in a statement that she decided to dissolve her 20-year marriage after "many unsuccessful efforts at reconciliation" with that horny, shriveled faithless bastard.

December 10, 2009

Rod Jetton, the former Missouri House Speaker arrested for beating and choking his date-rape-drugged mistress Monday, fought to keep a ban on gay sex -- which Jetton called "deviate sexual intercourse."

Crowds of dumb, deluded zekes, silently dribbling in the cold at American Quitter tour stops, have been told that no personal photos with Mooselini will be allowed. Instead, they must use the Palin camp’s personal photographer, who will take pictures and then sell them to the fans.

Jeremy Olson, who police identified as “a local man with no permanent address,” was of course labeled by the rightwing blogodrome as a “leftist kook” and a “crazed Palin-hater” was “probably jealous of Palin, like many Liberals are.”

*No relation to the beaner-loving nazi who fired at the country house of Lou Dobbs during hunting season last month.

Former Missouri House Speaker Rod Jetton is facing assault charges for allegedly beating the shit out of his mistress while having sex. A female mistress.

The Scott County court clerk confirms that a felony complaint has been filed against republican Rod Jetton, who “recklessly caused serious physical injury” by hitting his inamorata on the head and “choking her resulting in unconsciousness and the loss of the function of part of her body.”

The affidavit claims the assault occurred during the night and into the morning of Nov. 16. It says Jetton and the victim agreed on a “safe word” “to use as a stop word during intercourse.”

Though, as Wonkette points out, a “safe word” is hard to utter when you’re being CHOKED TO DEATH.

Bonus: Jetton, who has filed for divorce from his wife, has three children and “attends Methodist church regularly.”

Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-wUT?): If only Republicans had full control of the government, they would fix everything.

”I dream some day of the Republicans having 60 votes. I’ll tell you one thing, I think we would finally have the total responsibility to get this country under control and I believe we would. But we never come close to that. There are essentially no checks and balances found in Washington today, just an arrogance of power with one party ramming through unpopular and devastating proposals on after the other.”