Calm.

The other night something magical happened in our house. J took his bottle at 7:40 pm, then cuddled in my arms and let me rock him for a few minutes, and then he just fell asleep. I sat there in awe trying to figure out if I should move him to his crib or sit there and enjoy the moment.

When A was a baby he loved being rocked. He would want to rock endlessly and we spoiled him, rocking him until he was asleep every night. We paid for it later when he started sitting up and then we had to work on him actually sleeping in his crib without having to get up with him five times throughout the night. At the time I was annoyed at myself for rocking him constantly when he was little. However, now I miss it. A has always been a super cuddle bug. He loves hugs, wants to sit right next to me, and he constantly follows right behind me. I trip over him no less than four times a day. He is always right there.

J Baby has never liked to be rocked, or really held much for that matter. He is a very happy baby. He smiles at everyone (something A did not do), endlessly giggles at us and A, loves for us to sit and play with him, but he does not like to be held or rocked. He will cling to us when he is nervous, but otherwise he just wants to get down.

In addition J’s acid reflux makes his feeding times unpredictable and at times very difficult. Some days J will eat great. Other days he will refuse many of his feedings. Night time is usually the worst, and he will frequently arch his back, scream, and just all out refuse to eat. My husband and I will hand him off to see if he will take the bottle from one of us better that night, or to see if we can get him to burp. It is a process that can take hours if he is having a particularly off night.

J has always gone to bed awake in his crib. While this is a good thing, the idea of letting them always go to bed awake in their crib and they will eventually not cry is lost on J. He is a perfect example of every baby is an individual. He will sometimes lay down in his crib calmly and go to sleep on his own. Other times he will cry and we will go in and out of his room every ten to fifteen minutes until we get him to calm down. It is always unpredictable, and he has been going to bed awake since he was four months old.

I know that he will grow out of his acid reflux and it will soon be a distant memory. We are so grateful to have him healthy besides this one little blip on the baby radar, and are grateful that for the most part he sleeps well in his crib and is able to soothe himself. I also see echoes of myself in his fiercely independent personality. But sometimes it’s nice to know that he does like to cuddle with his Momma. Even if it’s only for a little while.

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