Monday, June 23, 2008

The last flake of skin from the operative scar is still waiting for the right time to come off. My chest still hurt a little bit and I cannot sneeze properly yet. I also ran out of breath easily when I started doing some stuff especially when I tried lifting heavy things.

Most importantly, the experience of being conscious halfway through the surgery is so surreal. It feels like it never happened. But it did happen to me. I remember feeling the indescribable pain as the surgeons were doing their stuff in my chest. It was so painful, more than you could ever imagine. I remember feeling helpless as I couldn't move and talk while the surgeons happily talking about going to Korea. I was only able to open my eyes but unfortunately, they covered my face with a cloth during the operation. I remember being so angry while in a deep, deep pain.

But I survived, alhamdulillah. I'm not saying that I have a strong character or anything because I cried a lot right after the surgery. When I was in ICU and still being intubated, I saw my Mom standing at the edge of my bed, I reached out for her hand and cried. It may sound strange, but all the pain seemed to subside when I touched my Mom's hand. Luckily, I had a wonderful nurse, a Filipino called Dorothy. She was very tender to me and she told me that I'm still alive and that's the only thing that matter. I guess her words stuck to me till now.

A friend told me about a film called Awake. The movie is almost similar with what I've been through. The proper term for it is Anesthetic Awareness. I've downloaded the movie but haven't watch it yet. Maybe I'll let you know how I feel about this movie later.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Earlier today, my sister and I spent some quality time together. We decided to visit our former high school which situated deep in the jungle.

The concrete jungle

Actually our former high school has been upgraded to this:

This is my first time visiting this mall. When I was inside, I tried figure out the exact location of the buildings of my high school once stood but I couldn’t. For a brief moment, I was struck with melancholy.

Probably the toilet was here before..heheh

Anyhow, the main purpose of our visit was to try out this:

This is a fish spa that has a bunch of fish (garra rufa) that eats up our dead skin cells. We spent the first 15 minutes laughing like a maniac because the fishes were so ticklish (Geliiiiii…!!). Thank God, we didn’t wet ourselves from all those laughing!

We soak our feet in this pond

Apparently the fishes think my feet are tasty!

I also did another blood test today. I hope things will get better, insyaAllah.

Monday, June 16, 2008

It has been a while since I encountered this kind of situation. Though I was thrown back by the reaction, I will not dwell. I am determine to stay away from negative energy.

Yeah so people disappoints you all the time. But that's just the way life is. Maybe, we too, have disappoint other people without ever realizing it. Thus, move on. Focus only on the positive aspects of your life. Let's just forgive or at least feel pity those who disappoints you rather than harbored grudge or being sulky.

Don't ever let people bring you down or make you lose control of yourself.

Friday, June 13, 2008

A lot of things happened to me throughout the first half of 2008. Yet, I haven't get the chance to immortalized the events in writings since I closed down this blog in late January. Well, let's just say that now I'm back from hiatus and I didn't really closed down this blog. Heck, I've been blogging since 2003 and it's hard to retire from it.

I'm not sure if I'll be really candid about happenings in my life though. This blog has come to the attention of people that knows me personally and I do feel a little bit uncomfortable because I still wish to remain anonymous. Even my sister had found this blog too! But I don't want to change URL or anything because findingtemi has it's own sentimental value.

Allrite, why the need of re-branding, you may ask? Nothing big actually but I feel different now. My life has changed drastically and so does my point of view. Maybe I'll share some of it here or maybe it'll be just a pure mindless ranting. Plus, I still need an outlet to lash out at the world once in a while.