Embracing my Inner Child

I have a confession to make.

I’ve never really grown up. Yeah I know, I may look like an adult, act like one (most of the time) and sometimes reluctantly partake in the responsibilities and obligations that are required of an adult but inside me resides a child. And this child rules. The adult in me is a helpless slave to the whims and desires of this child.

The child in me is an acne faced, shy and awkward teenager. I know, of all the stages of childhood to get stuck on, it had to be the most volatile stages of life!! The pimple faced image stuck on me a long time ago, when I was in primary school, I think. I went to visit my school mate on a weekend. Her house-help was new and hadn’t met me before, but when I left a message for my friend I forgot to leave my name. Come Monday at school, she told me she had been told I had come calling. I asked her how she knew it was me and she told me she was told a “pimple-faced girl” came and she automatically thought of me. Gulp. So even if I outgrew that stage, the child in me will forever remain that.

The child in me is shy and socially inept. My friends will attest to my clumsiness. I’m the only person I know who can trip while standing still!! And let’s not start on dropping things. I’m hoping that when I have a baby, my hands would have learned to hold onto something. The adult in me couldn’t quiet conquer flaw.

And yes she’s a shy girl. But this is one of the victories of the adult. You can hardly notice it when you meet. This confident, loud outgoing adult; perfect cover I tell you. Especially in this world of cut-throat everything. There is no place for being timid.

The upside of this child is that this child holds on to my dreams. Without her, I wouldn’t remember what it was like to believe that the world is mine to conquer. This child comes to me when the world has beaten me to a dark corner. And reminds me that I am not alone. That I have been through a lot worse and just like before I can beat it. She teaches me to hope. Without my inner child I wouldn’t know to stop enjoy the sunshine or the laughter of awesome friends. This child fills me with wonder and curiosity at life, and I continue to find joy in even the small things.

So I’m not going to grow up. Let’s face it everyone needs a child’s perspective and insatiable pool of optimism to make it through this life!!