by Laura Petrecca, USA TODAY

by Laura Petrecca, USA TODAY

R. Umar Abbasi, the New York Post freelance photographer who took the now-infamous photos of a man about to be struck by a subway train, says he never wanted to be at the center of this news event.

Or any news event, for that matter. He prefers to be behind the lens and behind the scene.

"I would rather not be the story," he told USA TODAY. "I would prefer to be the storyteller."

But Abbasi and his photos of Ki-Suck Hanā?? seconds before he was killed are now integral parts of a gruesome story.

On Monday, Abbasi was at the subway station when Hanwas pushed onto the track by an attacker.

Abbasi says he had the camera in his hand and tried to use the flash to warn the train driver to stop, and in the process he snapped photos of Han's last moments.

On Tuesday, the New York Post ran one of Abbasi's photos on the cover with this headline: "Pushed on the subway track, this man is about to die." The photo showed Han reaching up to the platform next to the track as the train bears down on him. Under him is the word "DOOMED."

The Post was quickly criticized by other journalists, media industry observers and social media users as being insensitive and sensationalizing the tragic incident.

People took to Twitter and Facebook to ask why Abbasi didn't try to pull Han from the tracks instead of snapping the shots.

Abbasi says he is confident that he could not have reached Han in time.

And he says it is very difficult to talk about the incident.

"It is hard on me. Every time I speak with someone, I relive the moment," Abbasi says. "I am reliving the pain and the sounds that are associated with this tragedy."

He expresses condolences to Han's wife, Serim, and his family. He has not contacted them.

"What am I going to say?" he asks. "That I could not save your husband?" But he does have a message for Serim:

"I'm sorry for your loss," Abbasi says, "and believe me, I would have made every effort to pull your husband off the tracks if I was close enough."

Abbasi defends his actions. In Tuesday's New York Post, he wrote, "People think I had time to set the camera and take photos, and that isn't the case."

He says he was too far away to do anything. "Why didn't the people who were close enough help him?" he asks.

Abbasi says that after the train accident, he spoke with detectives at the subway station, then went with them to the Post's nearby offices so they could view the images on his camera.

It was the Post's decision to run the photo on the cover, not his, he says.

"It's a chilling photograph," Abbasi acknowledges. "It is a man facing his end."

He is aware that many people are upset with the coverage and his actions.

"There are people who are just passing judgment," Abbasi says, adding that the photos have "started a debate -- a conversation."

"There are both sides to a conversation," he says. "This has opened up a whole dialog about ethics, about safety and our subway system."

Abbasi, who wouldn't give his age but described himself as "middle-aged," says he first experimented with photography when he was about 15 years old.

He does a variety of photography, including landscapes, weddings and other images "that show the realities of our everyday life."

Through his craft and his life experience, Abbasi says, he has learned that "reality is all shades."

"Reality is painful and gruesome and beautiful and happiness," he says.

As for the harsh shade this week, he uses a camera metaphor to sum up how he is feeling.

"You can erase a memory card, but if you erase your memory you are in real trouble, so you have to live with it."