Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Coming to terms

I'm in... lock stock and barrel as they say. I'm madly in love with the man, but have been too chicken to tell him. It's one of those things I think he knows, but hasn't let on that he knows. If there is such a thing.

It's a strange feeling being 'in love'. The last two times I've said the words it's because the other person uttered it first, and I felt compelled to respond in kind.

I think you can delude yourself to think you're in love, and it's rare when you find that connection when you have to acknowledge that you already are.

Does that make sense? In my head it does, but that doesn't mean y'all know it :) .

It's been a helluva week, and all I can think about is that he's my rock, has been, effortlessly, he's been that anchor- and I don't know if he realizes it. He just seems to read me so well. Knows when it's time for me to laugh, and knows when it's time to just check and see how level my world is.

I'm a very lucky woman, and even luckier submissive woman. I read a blog tonight, and the profile read something to the effect that that the couple in question met at the right time and have since found heights they never thought possible.

I have that, I know it, I feel it, and I experience it every day. Whether it's in his presence, talking to him, texting, or just simply thinking about him.

I'm done worrying about the distance factor. I refuse to be afraid of the subject, watch my language when it comes to time, distance or busy lives. I will take each day as it comes, knowing full well that I may end up with a severely broken heart. But I can't serve him the way he deserves to be served, and the way I 'need' to serve, if I build up walls.

We both recognize how special this relationship is, I'm going to hold on to that and thank the powers that be for making our paths cross, and giving me this opportunity to experience something this fine.

I'm not running away, I'm embracing. I"m coming to grips with the fact that I don't have to be afraid of loving someone.