Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Oh, and turkeys? You birds are about to have the rockin'est day of your lives!

And you thought your best times were behind you! Seems foolish now, doesn't it, the way you clung to the tatters of your youth? The guitar pose that seems natural on a bird half your age only serves to make you look older than you are.

But now—how funny, how sweet, how dear life can be—you've been handed a second chance. You can matter in a whole new way. Not by rocking out, no, nor by chasing the empty promise of fame. But by being eulogized by schoolchildren and then eaten.

Can you see what one lucky colorer can win? A kid-friendly turkey lunch for his or her whole class! A visit from [illegible] the turkey to delight the entire school!

Addendum: Junable James? Is that the Turkey of Honor's name? It's so hard to make out. Turntable Terror? Supply your guesses in the comments.

Addendum 2: And what is it with the aging rockers peddling their own meat? Anything to stay relevant, we suppose.

12 comments:

The first word is definitely "lovable". The second appears to be "Tomas". So he is "lovable Tomas the Turkey". It's a bit disturbing that they are describing what I assume to be a guy in a turkey mascot outfit as "lovable" while also encouraging kids to eat the genuine article with no love, merely greed in their cold prepubescent hearts. Although they're not being told they'll enjoy the turkey dinner, just win it. The enjoyment is to be reserved for the visit from lovable Tomas.

It is Tomas, who appears to be the Manitoba Turkey Producers happy little mascot. He's called Tomas because "Turkey Only Makes Alotta Sense." Check out the website, where you can see a human-size furry pretending to be Tomas and rocking out, take a fun turkey-facts quiz, and see some more kid-related suicide food.http://www.turkey.mb.ca/kids.htmlHappy Thanksgiving, Tomas!!!

OK. Believe in Jodhpur Jones if you must. But don't imagine that Tomas is confined to the province of Manitoba. He and his band tour the west coast regularly, and he could be coming to *your* town soon. I'd keep your head down if I were you.

To Ben and all readers (who choose to celebrate it)--Have a great thanksgiving, and enjoy those tufurkys. May you all keep pointing out the absurd images used to sell meat to us flesh eaters, and never give up your beliefs. Who knows, you might gain a few converts here.

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Diagnosis

What is Suicide Food? Suicide Food is any depiction of animals that act as though they wish to be consumed. Suicide Food actively participates in or celebrates its own demise. Suicide Food identifies with the oppressor. Suicide Food is a bellwether of our decadent society. Suicide Food says, “Hey! Come on! Eating meat is without any ethical ramifications! See, Mr. Greenjeans? The animals aren’t complaining! So what's your problem?” Suicide Food is not funny.