Hollywood Satanists

“I could barely believe what I was seeing – Sammy Davis Jr, dressed as a priest and wearing an inverted crucifix, bent Elvis Presley across Roddy McDowell’s kitchen table, pulled down his sequinned pants and buggered him within an inch of his life! Barely able to stand after the anal assault of Sammy’s colossal wang, Elvis was then dragged into the dining room, where he was forced to kiss the bare arse of a goat horned and cloven hoofed David Niven! I was amazed at how well he took it – his left leg trembled a bit in that characteristic Elvis way and he mumbled ‘Uh-huh-uh’ as he was sodomised. He even managed to curl his lip as he planted a smacker on Niven’s hairy cheeks. By contrast, Steve McQueen whimpered like a baby during his initiation!” Thus was the King inducted into the Hollywood branch of the Church of Satan in 1968, according to Aubrey Quimby, author of the sensational new book Sodom, Satan and Sinatra. Quimby, a pool cleaner, waiter and bit-part actor, claims to have been a member of the Church for over twenty years, and his book paints a lurid picture of demonic possessions, necromancy, human sacrifice and black magic in Tinseltown. According to Quimby, the Church of Satan’s Golden Years, from 1958 to 1988, were presided over by all round entertainer Sammy Davis Jr. “Sammy was inducted into the Church in 1956 by Rex Ingram – a friend of noted black magician Alistair Crowley during the 1930s – and quickly saw it as the key to untold riches and power,” he reveals. “I have no doubt that he used his pact with Satan to advance his career – how else can you explain a one-eyed, black Jew becoming a star in 1950s Hollywood and getting to pour the pork to so many gorgeous white dames without being lynched?”

Quimby believes that Davis exchanged his immortal soul for incredible sexual prowess. “I have it on very good authority that his manhood was of only average size before his initiation,” the bit player confides. “However, afterwards the stories started to circulate about his magnificent member. Apparently it rivalled even Errol Flynn’s! Women were entranced by it, and men intimidated!” By 1958 Davis had become High Priest of the Church and, most weekends, would preside over star studded black masses in the backyard of his luxurious Beverly Hills mansion, during which new members would be initiated during wild sexual orgies. “It was like the last days of Sodom – every type of sexual perversion known to man was indulged in. It wouldn’t be unusual to find Rex Harrison getting it on with David Niven whilst Ava Gardner shoved a flaming kebab skewer up his arse. Or even Richard Burton having sex with a goat,” recalls Quimby, who often cleaned Davis’ swimming pool in the late 1960s. “It also wouldn’t be unusual for me to find a dead body floating in his pool on a Monday morning!”

Indeed, it was Quimby’s aptitude for disposing of the bodies that led to him being initiated into the Church in 1967. “Sammy buggered me himself, it was a real honour,” he says proudly. “Not only that, but the Devil himself was summoned that night. Of course, that required a human sacrifice – after smoking a ton of dope and taking several tabs of acid, Sammy ritually decapitated Jayne Mansfield on an altar he had built in his garage, then him and the Three Stooges whacked off over her corpse. Incredibly, the mixture of blood and semen on the floor formed into an image of Satan, who mouthed obscenities at us before vanishing again! Obviously, the final part of my initiation was to dispose of her body. It wasn’t easy staging that car crash, I can tell you!” Davis’ choice of Mansfield as his victim was apparently quite deliberate. “Sammy kept telling her that she had been chosen to bear Satan’s child and that the Anti Christ could only be conceived if she had sex with the Devil in the form of a Jackal,” claims Quimby. “Of course, she wasn’t too keen, especially when Sammy couldn’t get a Jackal and tried to pass off this mangy stray German Shepherd as the Devil instead – he also wanted to film her getting it on with the mutt, for historic purposes, or so he claimed. Not surprisingly, she refused. I believe that refusal sealed her fate – for want of having sex with a dog, she literally lost her head!”

However, it was not all murder and mayhem at Davis’ black masses, he would often use his satanic powers to entertain his friends – one of his favourite party tricks was to raise some long dead entertainer from their grave and get them to perform for his coven’s entertainment. “In 1980, he resurrected fellow diabolist Elvis Presley during a black rite in Memphis,” says Quimby, chuckling at the memory. “The King was mouldering badly and he’d turned green, but Sammy got him to perform several numbers, including Jailhouse Rock and Blue Suede Shoes. Of course, with his vocal chords mostly decayed, he could only make a gurgling noise and when he danced bits kept falling off. It was hilarious! Eventually he gyrated his hips so vigourously, his whole pelvis flew off and his corpse collapsed into a mouldering heap of old bones!”

Over the years several attempts were made to curb the Church’s activities – singer Mary Hopkins (a descendant of Witchfinder General Matthew Hopkins) was deported in 1970 after she tried to burn Milton Berle at the stake, for instance. In 1972, Frank Sinatra, long jealous of his fellow ratpacker’s massive member, persuaded Bing Crosby to dress up in his Father O’Malley costume and attempt to exorcise Davis. However, Crosby was severely traumatised and left an alcoholic wreck after Davis opened his flies for his satanic schlong to rear up and spit fire at the crooner.

Eventually, it was left to celebrated Hollywood witch hunter and sitcom star Bill Cosby, to put paid to the Church of Satan. “Cosby got involved after Sammy had that obnoxious child star Gary Coleman possessed by a demon. It was a real gas, all of a sudden he’d start talking in this deep voice, claiming he was the God of Hellfire and blowing flames out of his arse, before puking frogs and bile all over the set of Diff’rent Strokes! It got so bad the producers called in Bill Cosby,” recalls Quimby. “He came down to the set, threw Coleman across a table, pulled his pants down and spanked him with a Bible – it was like a parody of the Church’s initiation ceremony!” Finally, after a gruelling three hour exorcism, during which a flaming crucifix was repeatedly thrust up Coleman’s bottom, the demon was cast out. “Worst of all, Cosby directed its negative energy back at Sammy – apparently his dick shrivelled and he was never able to get it up again! Without his wang, the Church’s power was broken,” Quimby says sadly. “It was the end of an era!”

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About The Author

Publisher, Executive Editor and Chief Writer of The Sleaze, the Doc is in the forefront of the campaign to preserve historic 1970s moustaches, and is currently the owner of a fine 1970 Alain Delon, which he wears with pride every Thursday. Before founding The Sleaze, the Doc had the singular honour of being dismissed from the Ministry of Defence's Defence Intelligence Staff following his involvement with the original 'dodgy dossier', which sparked the civil war in the former Yugoslavia. Nevertheless, he stands by his controversial assessment that there is satellite imagery clearly showing Serbian leader Slobodan Milosevic enjoying a three-in-a-bed romp with Princess Margaret and Richard Branson. Following his dismissal, the Doc crossed the Atlantic to enter the film industry, where he quickly became Tawny Kitaen's pubic hair stylist. The proud possessor of the world's largest collection of pornography discovered in hedgerows, the Doc is considered one of Britain's leading experts on smut, and acted as an advisor to the BBC 4 series A Pornographic History of Britain. Now in his early middle years, Doc Sleaze lives quietly in Southern England where he is sometimes allowed to teach Government and Politics to local A-level students. He can be reached through the site's main e-mail address - just don't expect a reply.