As some of you may know, I am an Orthodox Christian, and live by a set of beliefs and traditions. I respect that others also have traditions and strong beliefs that form their lives.I believe we cannot live our lives unless we have a set of beliefs or principles that guide us.Even free spirits believe in freedom.When we are faced with the death of a loved one, it is then that these beliefs and principles give us the strength and guidance to move through grief.For those of us who have a set tradition or ritual that we follow, this can be a joy, but sometimes we might feel that we have no say in the formal funeral. After all, the funeral is the formal and public ritual after death.It might not have the more intimate features needed or desired, but then again it is not designed for that There are traditional places where intimate forms of grief take place.A wake, for example, is done customarily at home. In our modern world wakes take place in public funeral homes making intimacies hard to come by.We need to reclaim and recreate these more imitate and homey ways to grieve our loved ones and not depend solely on public forms of grief. We need to take ownership of the process of mourning. We need not have one ritual or one time set aside for grieving.The press of people at public funerals often becomes too much, and we want to gather with those close to us to remember.I am not saying do away with the traditional funeral, do both. Have the public funeral, but also make time to have a gathering with those closest to you to share stories and memories.This is your grief.This is your loss.If you want to take time to gather and share stories, or take time to hike the person’s favourite trail as a memorial, no one will stop you.It’s time we took responsibility for our own loss, and create ways for us to remember those we miss. Memorials can take place anytime and take on the forms that speak to us.Memorials are about shared love and remembering.In the end, no one can tell you how to remember someone you love.No one can tell you that you cannot meet at another time to remember someone.The sad-joyful work of mourning is ours to manage.Traditions allow us a chance to not worry about what we do next when faced with life changing events.I love the traditions in my life.They are my strength.Living a tradition should not confine you. Give yourself permission to remember those who have died in any ways that make sense to you.No one can take that away from you.I would like to direct you to the button on the side of the page. Midwest Green Burial has launched Project OCEAN. If you have enjoyed reading this blog and have found it helpful, please consider donating today so that we can continue to build out work.

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Caroline Vuyadinov

I graduated from St. Vladamir's Orthodox Theological Seminary in Crestwood, New York with a Master of Divinity. I trained as a chaplain following graduation and worked with a wide variety of people.

When I moved to Canada, I began work in a women's halfway house in Hamilton, Ontario which worked with women in conflict with the law on a federal level. I became the program manager and loved working alongside the women, creating their plans for their reintegration back to the community. I also worked as a liaison with the parole board, parole officers and other community service providers.

Upon my return to the United States, I worked in the Death Care Industry as a Family Service Counselor, which lead me to become a green burial advocate. I co-founded Midwest Green Burial Society with Juliann Salinas. I speak to community groups and have developed practical seminars for a variety of audiences. I have been interviewed on a national podcast and was featured on a WGN spot dealing with green burial.