A Petition for Humility

This cover photo is a image of one of our little gals on the day of her baptism. My husband’s and my desire is to give our children a life of faith that’s strong, and my prayer is for all my children to become holy, and enter the life of sainthood.

hu·mil·i·ty

(h)yo͞oˈmilədē

noun

noun: humility

a modest or low view of one’s own importance; humbleness

When I read this definition for the word humility, I was a little taken back. I had always just looked at the word as an example of someone who doesn’t gloat. Though more recently, at mass, I found a new way to consider humility and the art of being humble. One of our wonderful priests asked us all to join him in praying this particular litany.

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed… Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved… Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled… Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being honored… Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being praised…Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others… Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted… Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being approved… Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated… Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being despised… Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes… Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated… Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten… Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed… Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged… Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected… Deliver me, Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I… Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I… Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease… Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside… Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I unnoticed… Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything… Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided I may become as holy as I should… Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

If you’re unfamiliar with what a litany is, it is basically a series of petitions. Everyone asking God to help them in their daily struggles to become more humble, in this case. Even those we consider humble, will still struggle with this at times, so I feel safe in saying that praying for humility as a group is very powering as everyone is working at the same goal.

I’m going to take a moment to say some of these petitions really hit me like a sack of bricks. My chest hurts to even consider being humble in some of these areas. How my skin crawls when someone is praised while I go unnoticed, is embarrassing. I have no desire to be insignificant in the world, but I know I should. I would like to be preferred more than others, especially if they’re not deserving. Oh my heart is breaking when I consider how selfish those thoughts are. The definition above makes more sense to me now… low view of one’s own importance.

It is of low importance if I have any likes or followers on this blog. That shouldn’t be the reason I do it. Can I really get over the fear of being forgotten? That’s hard when you move away from people. Sometimes it is very difficult to let someone, anyone, be loved more than I’m loved. One more big one, that stood out to me…. if I cannot truly be happy for someone who is getting my hopes and dreams while I am not, then I’m not humble.

That last one gets me. The day we prayed together in church, I was almost brought to tears. I’ve not been happy for anyone telling me they’re pregnant, for anyone’s growing belly, for anyone with more children than I have, because I’ve been found wanting. To want is selfish, and I’ve been selfish. I’ve also been calling my husband selfish for wanting to quit having children, and I couldn’t see the irony until just now.

Being humble is about loving others more than yourself. Being humble is about being happy in every circumstance God gives you. Being humble is the power to show everyone what it looks like to act as God does. I need to act more humble.

I want to leave you with a little anecdote about an older woman I used to work with when I was still in high school. I can’t think of her name because we worked together for just a short time period, but she reminded me of one of my grandmothers. Selling perfumes at big department store around Christmas time is a very high stakes business. There’s lots of competition, lots of orneriness, and plenty of stuff said and done behind everyone’s back. It is one of those times you should keep your enemies close, very close. This little woman, she was petite and sweet, had all her cash stolen from her purse, by someone she worked with at the counter. To this day, I have no idea who did it, no one really does, because this woman’s act of humility shocked us all. After digging through her purse searching for some money to buy lunch, she simply stated, “It appears someone has taken my money from my bag.” She had a look of disappointment marked across her face, but she just shrugged her shoulders and said. “I guess they needed it more than I did.”