6 Creepy Animal Behaviors That Science Can't Explain

#3. Blue Whales Are Experiencing Global Puberty

Scientists are a weird lot, and they do some strange stuff in the name of science. Case in point, back in the 60s, some scientists thought it would be cool to stick a bunch of microphones into the oceans of the world and record blue whales singing. Forty years later, someone got the idea to study four decades of whale song, presumably to keep the grant money flowing, when they made a strange discovery: Every blue whale in the world was singing deeper every year.

How long has this been going on?

They have no idea why, but the whales have been going all Barry White on us for at least 40 years. The important thing to remember here, though, is that this isn't just most blue whales, but every goddamn one of them. This would be like every human on Earth slowly speaking more and more like James Earl Jones every year, regardless of language (which whales apparently have) or location. The drop is small, just a few fractions of a hertz per year, but it is steady and constant.

You'll recognize this as the "Tara Reid Effect."

But, they must have a theory for this...

Everything from global warming to increased noise pollution has been suggested. However, the impact of global warming on the oceans doesn't hold water (get it?!) because the changes in acidity and density that might have caused a change that the whales would have to compensate for is so minor that it in no way explains the much larger change in whale voices.

The fact that one in three whales has purchased a Barry White album only raises more questions.

Noise pollution might be a more reasonable solution. Sure, the last time we were in a crowded bar, we didn't try to get the waitress's attention by talking in a lower key. But assuming whales aren't as receptive to high pitched cries of "who do I have to blow to get MORE BEER!?" that still means that every Blue Whale in every ocean on the goddamn planet has simultaneously been altering their behavior in exactly the same way ... for forty years. What do you have to say to each other that's so important, Blue Whales? Something you want to share with the rest of the class? Something about a secret society, operating on a higher plan, waiting to strike during the next earth quake?

#2. Ants With Collective Intelligence

Ants have amazed us for centuries. They build tightly structured colonies, some farm and others use suicide bombs to protect their hive. Perhaps you saw this video that made the rounds a while back in which scientists fill an underground ant colony with cement. It's pretty clear that we're in for some creepy shit when 10 goddamn tons of cement disappear down the hole before it's full. But then around the four minute mark, they dig out a sprawling underground "megalopolis."

As the narrator says, somehow keeping his bowels from audibly evacuating, the tiny ants have constructed an enormous city that "looks like it was designed by an architect. A single mind." If you've ever lived in a human city, you of course realize this is a feat mankind has yet to get the hang of.

"Good for ants," you might say if you're a sucker, "Why'd jerk-ass science have to drown them in cement?" Probably because Science knows about army ants. Sure, you can put 100 army ants on a table, and they will walk around in a circle until they drop dead of exhaustion, which is pretty stupid. On the other hand, when they are in groups of thousands or millions, they can regulate their collective temperature, decide when to either settle down and sleep for the night or pack up and leave. And sometimes they use their superorganism intelligence to coordinate attacks.

Amazingly, the more ants there are, the smarter they are as a whole. Sort of works opposite of humans, who get dumber for every person you add to a group, until a soccer riot breaks out. Put enough army ants in an urban location, and it won't be long before they realize they've got the upper hand. The cement doesn't seem so excessive now does it?

How long has this been going on?

Well, they think the African and South American types of army ants formed two different groups from a common ancestor back in the Cretaceous Era, meaning army ants have been acting together to travel and terrify other animals for at least 65-million years. On the up side, if they were planning on taking over the planet, they probably would have done it already.

But, they must have a theory for this...

Swarm Theory is just starting to get a grasp on this. Scientists suggest that while the individual ants are kinda retarded, as a group they manage to make good decisions because of how each individual idiot interacts with the others. Sort of how individual brain cells are pretty useless until you get the whole gang together. This behavior is surprisingly common, with everything from ants to bees to buffalo all showing abilities to use their minds like animal-brain Voltrons.

As an aside, if the impossibly organized tactical geniuses in the Strategic Warfare Ant Division ever decide to join forces with the vicious, soulless, victory-at-any-cost warriors in the Giant Monster Squid Coalition, the human race is six different kinds of fucked.

#1. Animal Earthquake Predictions

If there is one power animals have that qualifies them as "Haley Joel Osment" creepy, it is this. Many, if not most animals have the bizarre ability to know when an earthquake is about to happen. Some can even detect something is amiss with Mother Earth up to a week in advance, according to the U.S. Geological Survey.

I HAZ--ah, fuck it.

Everything from cats, to dogs to centipedes will leave the area when they sense a quake coming, leaving the humans behind scratching their heads and cleaning up lost pet shit when the big one hits.

How long has this been going on?

Since the beginning of recorded history. Pretty much the day mankind figured out they could put pen to paper and record what was happening, at least one person wrote down that animals were going apeshit just before a quake hit. According to the USGS link above, the Greeks recorded in 373 BC that rats, weasels, snakes and centipedes got the fuck out of dodge days before a "destructive" quake. As recently as the 2004 tsunami, there are records that a herd of 500 blackbucks left the coastal areas in India and headed for the hills shortly before the wave hit.

"Snap! Blackbucks, roll out!"

You can learn a thing or two from mother nature; if the animals are running in one direction, you might want to think about following them.