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if nostalgia was water I'd have drowned!

I don't even know how I ended up back here. Actually, I do. Typical Chelsea - starting a post out with a lie!

To be honest I didn't even think this blog would still exist. I figured if I typed in the URL, some 404 error would pop up and I'd find a "sorry, this blog no longer exists because it's ancient" message. That made me a little sad, to think of all those words I'd written and read and reread, just lost somewhere on the internet.

So in the middle of the world's most boring class on taxation, I typed it in. It felt SO silly. Self-indulgent. Completelystaged - who even WAS I back then?

It's been 6 or 7 years since my last post. Can you (rhetorical you, as I know this site has long since dropped off the planet) even believe that? I don't even live on the same side of the country any more. There's so much - too much - to ever catch up on.

That being said, this blog was the greatest fucking gift I could have ever given to myself.

One post ended with "I'll be amazed if I even make it to 25." Here I am, I'm 26 years old and stronger and brighter than I ever would have thought possible. I eat cheeseburgers sometimes, drink milkshakes and (lots of) beer and wine. I exercise sometimes and skip the gym other times. I don't care (mostly.) My life was defined by my eating disorder and my struggle with bipolar. My world was so narrow. Today it's defined by real things: work, family, friends, and truly learning who the fuck I am, and learning that I actually sort of LIKE that person.

There's no way for me to dive into everything that's happened since that last post, not right this second. It will unfold as I write more. I owe it to my future self to keep doing this.

Reading through my old posts, the ups and downs and encouraging messages from my wonderful, dear readers, that just made me realize how much I have grown. I am not the child I was. This year has been one of the absolute hardest of my life, eating disorder included, but I am astounded at how much I've changed in such a short time. I am so, so hopeful and excited for the future.

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