I never wake up happy and excited anymore, I just want my pain to be over

I think I've finally lost my ability to hope things will get better, I can't easily feel there's reason to do anything, I'm just giving up on hopes, dreams and the possibility of a better life. Nothing has really improved since my last post, I'm feeling even more suicidal than before. I don't write, paint or animate anything anymore, with all the free time I have in the summer I've only hid in my room and tried to sleep for as long as possible and I lie that I've been reading when anyone asks what I was doing. I don't seem to be going anywhere but, slowly but surely, my death. I hate myself, all I see in the mirror is a freak, a lazy failure and a helpless weakling. Well, if anyone who reads this has seen my other posts, this is just becoming annoyingly repetitive drama. If anyone listened to me, I would only be annoying, all the more reason to die. Sorry, I don't even know why I'm posting here again, it's never fixed things. I think I'll be done posting after this.

Maybe you just need to post a little more frequently and try to get involved. Its never easy joining a forum or being a member and its not right for everyone. I am an old hand, so its ok for me. But its also impossible for me to reach out to every single individual who posts here, for whatever their reason. If I could, I would, but there not enough hours in a day.

I know you might think no one here cares, but they do, I assure you they do. Just give it a chance, be patient as there are no quick fixes and not always someone around to give you the answers you seek.

Hang in there ok and stay safe. You need to talk, pm me anytime. I am in the UK so bear in mind the time difference. But I always reply to anyone, without fail.

sorry you're feeling this way. while posting doesn't really fix your problems in my opinion it helps as an outlet even if people don't really reply. sometimes some just don't know what to say. I don't think you're annoying at all. if you ever need to talk and i'm on feel free to PM me. anyhow, take care of yourself.

Thanks for the replies. I haven't sent messages to other users before, mostly because having a conversation with someone I've only met online feels strange to me (I'm a weird teenager in the way I regularly ignore online social media), but I suppose nothing bad would come from it. I'm pretty lonely, too, so any sort of association with another human being would be good. As for now, however, I think I'm going to make myself some dinner.

I don’t know you, but I do know there is hope for every single one of us. Things can always get better. I’ve known plenty of people in my life who had awful things happen to them as children and as adults and many of them felt like giving up just like you just said – BUT they didn’t. It took time, but with perseverance and patient, it changed.

I don’t know all you have been through, but anything can be overcome. Don’t be defined about what others say about you. Define yourself. You are not a freak. You are unique just like the rest of us. Lazy failure? Lazy is an easy fix – get up and start doing! Doesn’t matter how good you are doing it, just do it. We can make mistakes and have letdowns, but we can never completely fail unless we stop trying. Don’t ever stop trying. Helpless weakling? – You are capable of so much more than you think. You aren’t helpless and whatever area you feel weak in, start working out in that area. Whether it’s physically, mentally, socially or spiritually. Start making yourself work out that area.

Concerned you may get negative comments from people? Who cares? Most of the people who choose to make negative comments about others are only displaying their own insecurities. Don’t let “their” opinions dictate your life. I’m fully convinced that every person ever created has the ability to do amazing things. You may never become a superstar, but you are more than capable of doing great things that can make a positive impact on the lives of others. Praying that you begin to realize your own self-worth and begin to KNOW that you were created for a purpose. Find that purpose!

I gave up expecting anyone saying anything on this forum that would be helpful to me (I was a member before and have now returned using a different name). So now I just post occasional replies to other people's posts. Maybe sometimes I can say something that might be useful to someone. It is a good thing to get the focus off myself for awhile and think about somebody else. I have lived with chronic depression for decades and now I'm just running down the clock. My only suggestion to you is that perhaps you can find a project that involves you helping someone else, either somebody in your life or someone on this forum. Helping other people is great therapy.

I'm sorry about what you're going through, and I know it's tough being new on a forum... but please don't stop talking. I can totally relate as that's how I often feel; even if I have free time, I squelch it because the loneliness, unfulfillment, fatigue and hopelessness make me struggle. One of the things I remember when I'm at my worst and I feel hopeless is what one of the characters on the movie Office Space says; "...just remember, if you hang in there long enough, good things CAN happen in this world."

Feel free to drop me a PM if you need to talk and feel lonely, if you like. All the best for you.