Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Give me Strength

There are days when I actually question God and his grand design for me and my daughter. I have been questioning a lot of what has been happening to me…questioning my family, my friends, my relationship but mostly myself.

I know that God only gives us what he knows in his heart we can handle but I sometimes think that he gives me TOO much credit.

I know I am suppose to be learning a lesson now. I know this-so let me see what have been learning along the way…

1. I know that the man that I am with loves me…this I know.2. I know that he also a great amount of pride that can at time get him in trouble which in turn gets us in trouble.3. I know that my daughter is very happy but a little disappointed that her summer isn’t going the way she wanted it but yet still she is happy she has her parents together.4. I know that my family love talking about behind my back which I hate by the way (And I know this because it always gets back to me)5. I know that no matter what job my daughter’s father has or what kind of changes he made with his life it won’t matter to them they will always see for the man that made the mistakes. As if they are above mistakes.6. I know that no matter what I do they will always look at me at the woman who was on food stamps cause I couldn’t make it on my own.7. I know that with the minor crap that my daughter’s father still needs to learn I am happy with him and in our life right now.8. I know that it doesn’t matter to them (my family) that I am happy.

So what do these things tell me…I have to learn to not care (It’s hard at times cause they are my family which because it’s them it hurts more). I know that I have to do what is right for me and my family.(my family meaning my daughter, me and her father) And believe me I’m trying. And I know I have to do something about my household’s money situation and soon because money problems can really hurt a relationship and honestly my family would want nothing more then to see our relationship fail.