Relationship First Part 1

Hopeful faces desiring a family:
Little ones just wanting a mama and a papa:
Our little one… Sweetie 3, Shouting “Bye Bye Ukraine” at the top of her lungs! 🙂

When we adopt a child and bring them into our homes and lives, it is so very important to remember that they have had a life before us. They have lived with a completely different
set of circumstances before coming home.

I am going to write a diary entry about a child who has been home for over a year in her new family, but is struggling. (What I write will be based upon real situations, but the actual diary entry is fiction)The goal is to offer perspective…..I will do the same thing from the parent’s point of view, and then I’ll put them together to go through ways to connect.

Dear Diary,
I am in trouble again. I don’t really know why, but Mom and Dad seem to be unhappy with me a lot and it is getting worse, not better.
I remember the day that I found out I was going to be adopted. I was excited because I really wanted to be like everybody else and have a family.
I remember my birth mom being drunk on the floor all the time before I went to the orphanage.
We didn’t have food, and I remember being cold and alone. I was scared a lot because my birth parents would get drunk and fight and sometimes they would hurt me. I even got drunk too.
I also remember the happy times where I would just leave the house and go into other people’s houses to get food, or go to the sea and fish. I knew how to do a lot of farming on my own. Nobody was really there to tell me anything, I just learned how to do it!
I was so grown up and capable of taking care of myself.
I ate when I was hungry, if I could find food. I dressed ok, and nobody seemed to care what I looked like. I always ate the same way, and I didn’t wash all that much. I was well liked in my small village and I miss my best friend Sasha.

I always wanted to come to America! When I found out I was being adopted, I was so excited and scared too! I know since I was in the orphanage that my parents didn’t take proper care of me. I couldn’t wait for somebody to really love me and see that I was good.

When my parents first came to see me, they were so happy and excited, I thought they would burst with joy! They really liked me and I liked them too!
I couldn’t believe that I was actually going to go to America! It was so awesome!

When we got home, everything was so strange. My new family takes their shoes off before going inside, but they don’t have house shoes like we did at the orphanage. They just wear socks or bare feet.
There is a lot of food, be we aren’t really allowed to eat it. I learned that right away.
I don’t know why they were upset, but they were. My feelings were hurt because I thought they loved me and wanted me to have good things.
I didn’t know I had to ask. I have never had to do that before. I don’t want to make them mad at me, so I’ll try to remember.
Oh I miss the foods I used to eat.

Oh wow. I’m in trouble again. 🙁 They want me to eat a certain way. I guess it is an American way. But I’m not really American! I have always eaten this way! Why do I have to change? Really, I don’t mind trying to do things different, but they are upset with me and I feel like they don’t really like me. They don’t accept me for me.
I just learned that I have to squeeze the tooth paste at the end, and that we have toilets that flush!
There is also toilet paper and they expect me to use it! Gosh these people are so proper!

I can’t believe how many things there are here. TV’s, video games, I pods, computers! This would be great if they’d only let me USE them! For some reason, I’m not allowed. What, do they think, I’m stupid? Do they think I’ll break their stuff?
I really hate all of this stuff. I miss my simple life where I gardened and fished and took care of our chickens.
I’m being told that my life before was bad and that this life is good. I miss my old life.
Not because this one is bad, but because I feel so guilty and rejected. They got upset that I mentioned my old life in a positive way, reminding me that they rescued me from an awful place.
Now, I feel bad about how I lived before. Life was hard for everybody. I didn’t know what I did was wrong or bad, but now I know it was because I’m in trouble a lot.

I am really trying, but I don’t think they like me. In fact, I KNOW that they HATE me!
They like all the other kids better than me. I can feel it. I KNOW it.
I’m beginning to think they just adopted me so they could feel good about themselves; and because they wanted somebody to do chores.

I am so hurt. They were supposed to love me. I don’t even like them any more. Obviously they don’t like me!

I don’t feel like trying anymore. Why bother? I’ll just be in trouble anyway.
I really do feel badly that I yelled at them and said hurtful things. I don’t want to hurt them.
But why are they hurting me?
Why does life have to be this way?
Why should I respect them if they don’t respect me?
I feel like I’m going crazy!
I don’t know what to do. I feel lost.