Just then, another man comes up and starts to knock on the door of the office.

A2: Hey Kersh! {going over to 3rd man} Going in to see the boss?

Kersh: Yes. I have something very important to tell him.

A1: Well, maybe you could deliver a message to him from us. See, we just heard…

Kersh: That Zachary Smart is getting married? Yes, I know. That’s my important message I have to tell him. {goes in office} Excuse me, sir. I hate to disturb you, but…

Voice: {coming from leather chair} If you’re coming in here to tell me that Zachary Smart is getting married to the woman I love…

The chair turns around and we see that it’s Thomas Hill. He’s breathing slowly, trying to keep himself from exploding.

Hill: …I already know.

Kersh: We…the boys and I…figured you might, so we’ve decided to throw you a little bash that might…

Hill: I mean {standing and walking around office} what does Zachary Smart have that I don’t? I mean, I’m certainly smarter than he is.

Kersh: True.

Hill: I have more intelligence in my little finger than he has in his whole head.

Kersh: {chuckling} That’s very true.

Hill: I certainly think my looks are better. I’m a very professional dresser. And…I’m the vice president of a rising business. I mean, really Kersh! What does Smart have that I don’t?

Kersh: Perhaps it’s because he’s on the side of good and you’re on the side of evil?

Hill: What does that have to do with anything? No, Kersh. This wedding is not going to happen. And there’s only way to end this thing between Zachary Smart and myself.

Kersh: A truce?

Hill: {looks at Kersh} Do I look like some free loving hippie? No, you idiot! We’re going to kill him.

Kersh: But every plan we’ve tried has failed!

Hill: Stop right there. {walking over to the intercom} I don’t think the agents of KAOS have had enough incentive to kill Smart. {on intercom} Now hear this. It has been decided by the KAOS high command that Zachary Smart, Agent 78 of CONTROL is worth 5 million dollars. Find him. Kill him. The first person to bring me Zachary Smart’s head on a platter, gets 5 million dollars, with an extra 5 million thrown in for the expense of cutting his head off and the cost of the platter. I think you all know what to do. So go out there and get Smart! {to Kersh} I think this wedding has a definite probability of not happening, don’t you? {smiles}

THE OPENING CREDITS TO GET SMART!!

Setting: The office of Chief Maxwell Smart. Max, 99, Maxine Smart, and Dr. Austin Parker were in the office talking about a new case. Just then, Zachary Smart ran through the door and flattened himself against the wall.

Max: Zachary, what are…

Zach: SHHH!!! You want them to hear you?

Zach removed his gun, looked around, and took a step from the wall. He then did a dive to the floor and a roll. He then jumped up and assumed his usual spot at his father’s desk.

Max: Well see? I just think this is a bluff by Thomas Hill. I’m sure he’s heard you and Tracie are getting married in a month.

99: And I’m sure he wasn’t happy about it.

Zach: Well, he’ll just have to deal with it. He’s just jealous, that’s all. I mean, look at the things I’m just better at. I’m certainly a better dresser. I have more style than he does and if you don’t believe me, just ask Best Dressed Spies. Three years running, I might add. I’m certainly smarter than he is.

Parker: Well, two out of three ain’t bad. {look from Zach} Chief, maybe as a precautionary tactic, perhaps an agent should be with Zach for the time being.

Max: Good idea, Austin. I think I’ll assign the best person for the job. Agent 24.

Zach: Of course. Agent 24. I couldn’t think of a better person, Dad. Agent 24 would be perfect for this case. I’ll certainly feel better with Agent 24 in my corner. Dad, just a question though. Who’s Agent 24?

Maxine: Hey, Daddy. I’m Agent 24!

Zach: Oh no.

Max: Zachary, you’re sister’s the best weapons expert we’ve got in CONTROL. If anyone’s going to stop Hill from getting to you, it’s going to be her. And besides, it cuts cost on living expenses, seeing as your sister not only lives in the same building, but happens to be your fiancée’s roommate. See? This works out for everyone.

Twins: Not exactly.

The scene changes to the Park Apartments. Inside apartment number 64, Zach and Maxine were trying to figure out a way of keeping him out of the line of fire.

Maxine: Look, the way I figure, you’ll be a lot safer here in our apartment. That way, I have a closer eye on you.

Just then, a shot rang out and hit the side of the building where the trio were standing. The three turned to where the shot came from and saw the standard KAOS black sedan starting up and heading for them.

Zach: {annoyed} Listen to you more, huh? See? This is why I’m the leader!

The three start running towards Maxine’s red Nissan truck, just as the sedan comes toward them!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Setting: The parking lot of the Park Apartments. Zach, Maxine, and Tracie were running towards Maxine’s truck, with a patented KAOS sedan right behind them. Max hit the alarm button on her keys and the truck unlocked. The trio quickly got in and started off, with the sedan right behind them.

Tracie: What’re we going to do?

Maxine: Lose them, of course.

Maxine took corner after corner trying to shake the sedan in the parking lot. It was valiant effort, but they were still right behind them.

Zach: Hey, come on, Maxi. I know you gotta have some device rigged in here to stop a following car.

Maxine: Hey, you know. I do. Tracie, push that blue button.

Tracie: [looks at button, then Maxine] What’s it do?

Zach: Tracie, darling, this is no time to be an inquiring mind. Just push that blue button.

Tracie pushed the button and the three waited for something to happen.

Zach: [in back, looking at sedan} Hey! It didn’t do anything!

Maxine: Just wait.

Suddenly, the sedan spun out of control and crashed into a wall.

Zach: Hey. That’s pretty cool. What was that?

Maxine: {smiling} Just a little something I like to call the oil slick trick.

Tracie: I get it. The blue button releases oil from the back, making the car behind us spin out.

Zach: The old blue-button-that-releases-oil-that-causes-the-following-car-to- spin-out-of-control trick. Very effective.

The three head out to lunch. Meanwhile, at CONTROL headquarters:

Max: He said WHAT??

Dr. Parker and 99 had just given Max some news from Thomas Hill of KAOS.

Parker: Hill wants Zach with a vengeance. If he doesn’t get him, he’s pulling the plug on every hospital in town.

99: He said we should hope the agents get him before he does.

Max: Wait a minute. Thomas Hill is threatening to turn off the power of every hospital in greater Washington if we don’t turn over Zach to him?

Parker: He calls it his insurance policy. That way, if the agents of KAOS are unsuccessful in killing Zach, he has a sure fire bet that he’ll get Zach one way or another.

Max: Well, he’s going to have to try the other way cause we’re not turning Zach over to KAOS. But that does pose a bigger problem though. Maybe I should put someone else on this thing besides Max.

Zach: Yeah, but the real reason I want him here is so he can protect us. See, I’ve been teaching him some guard dog tricks. I’m hoping in a few months, I can try him out with the CONTROL spy dogs. Wanna see something?

Maxine turns away from the drinks and glances over at Zach. Just then, a panel form the ceiling is removed. A hand pops out and puts a pill of some sort in one of the drinks.

Maxine: It’s not on the table?

Zach: Nope.

The hand then returns to it’s position and the panel is put back.

Zach: Hey, I found it. Bonzer was playing with it.

Maxine rolls her eyes again before turning back to the drinks. She mixes them up and goes over to the couch. She hands one glass to Zach and sets the other one down on the table.

Maxine: So what’s on?

Zach: Looks like nothing. Wanna see a movie instead?

Maxine: Do you think that’s wise?

Zach goes to take a sip from his drink and then stops.

Zach: Max, I can’t just live inside the bubble, so to speak. I gotta go out sometime.

Zach again goes to take a sip, but is stopped by Maxine. She takes the glass from his hand and looks at it.

Zach: Hey, Max. You got your own drink.

Maxine: I think I may have given out the wrong drinks.

Zach: Max, I wanted a brandy. What did you have?

Maxine: I have a brandy, too, with something extra.

Zach: {taking glass back} You and your brandies with something extra. What is it this time? Vodka? Rum?

Zach goes to set the drink down, but sits it on the very edge, where it falls off.

Zach: Sorry about that. {looks down} Whoa!

The two look down and see there’s a large hole in the carpet. Zach picks up the glass and looks at Maxine.

Zach: What did you put in this drink?

Maxine: Obviously something you’d live to regret.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Setting: The Park Apartments, apartment number 64. A number of CONTROL agents were checking around the building, while the rest of Team Smart were in the apartment.

Zach: {to Maxine} Are you SURE you’re not trying to kill me?

Maxine: {annoyed} Oh Zach, really! Austin just said that was my drink that was poisoned. Now why would I poison my own drink??

Zach: I don’t know! Maybe you got confused! I have a lot of money on my head! I mean, don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t blame you if you did try to kill me. I would do the same thing in the same situation.

Maxine: You’d try and kill me if I had a price on my head?

Zach: {chuckling} I wouldn’t have to TRY, Maxi.

Max: Hold it, you two. The last thing I need is to have my own children trying to kill each other. {to Parker} Parker, have you found out what was in that drink?

Parker: To my knowledge sir, it could be arsenic. Or maybe cyanide. I can’t be totally sure until I run it through the lab.

99: That settles it then. I think there should be around the clock protection for Zach.

Max: Sweetheart, if you don’t mind. I’d like to handle this. Now, what I’m thinking is, there should be around the clock protection for Zach.

Zach: Dad, I think that’s really unnecessary.

Maxine: I agree, Daddy. I think I can handle this thing by myself. Besides, Tracie and I are going to be here, Bonzer’s here, next time, nothing is going to go wrong.

Max: Assuming there’s going to be a next time. No, Max. Your mother and I think it be a good idea if a couple of people were watching this building. I’ll put a couple of agents in the building across the street.

Maxine: But Dad…

99: No buts, Maxine. That’s an order.

Max: We’re not taking any unnecessary chances. Get some sleep. Call us if anything happens. {heads for door}

Zach: But Dad…

99: Goodnight, Zachary. {leaves}

Later, after all the CONTROL agents had checked and rechecked the apartment, Zach and Tracie were figuring out sleeping arrangements.

Tracie: Are you sure you’re going to be okay down here?

Zach: Yes. Actually…I’ve been worried. For your well being that is.

Tracie: Really?

Zach: Oh yes, of course. And I’m thinking…in order to ensure your safety, perhaps I should sleep a little closer tonight. {smiles}

Tracie: I see. Were you planning on sleeping in the hall?

Zach: {laughing} Not exactly.

Tracie: You have some place in mind?

Zach: {smiling} As a matter of fact I do. Would you like to know where?

Tracie: {also smiling} I have a pretty good idea. Why don’t I go and get some things ready? {going upstairs}

Zach gets a huge smile on his face and heads into the kitchen. A few minutes later, he’s upstairs, with two glasses and a bottle of champagne. He opens the door to the first room.

Zach: {surprised} Hey, what’re you doing here?

Maxine: {in bed} Trying to read. And you?

Zach: I thought this was Tracie’s room.

Maxine: {glancing at the glasses and champagne} I can see that.

Just then, Tracie comes in through the doorway.

Tracie: Well, I see we’re all ready for bed. {to Zach} I’m glad you brought drinks to celebrate with your new roommate.

Zach: {confused} My what?

Tracie: Your roommate. See, I got to thinking that maybe you’d like to have some brotherly time with your sister. You’re twins after all.

Zach: {really confused} Tracie, I don’t think you understood what I meant when…

Tracie: {sarcastically} Oh, I understood perfectly what you meant. But far be it for me to be a distraction to you at a time when your life is in danger. What kind of future wife would I be if I seduced you? Besides, you’ll have more fun with Max then two of me put together. It’ll be just like when you two were little. {kisses Zach on the cheek} Night night. {leaves}

Zach shakes his head, realizing he had over stepped his bounds and walked into a very clever trap.

Zach: {walking over to bed} I gotta admit, you girls got me good. That was really good.

Maxine: {smiling} So what do you want to do tonight, big brother?

Zach: {sarcastically} Drink myself to sleep.

Maxine: Well, you’re gonna have to do it in the dark. {laughs} {turns out light} {quickly turns it back on} Oh and one more thing before you go to bed.

Zach looks at her. Maxine then starts to laugh hysterically at him.

Maxine: {still laughing} Night, Zachy. {kisses his cheek}

Maxine turns out the light, but you can still hear her muffled laughter as Zach pours himself a glass of champagne. Later that night, the apartment was quiet. Bonzer was asleep at the foot of Maxine’s bed; Zach was asleep on the left side, Maxine was on the right. Tracie was fast asleep in her room.

Just then, the window opened and two figures in black stepped through. They looked around and saw Tracie asleep in bed. Both men crept to the bedside. One man put a cloth over Tracie’s mouth, causing her to wake up in surprise. But the cloth was laced with chloroform and she was instantly knocked out. The two men then dragged her from the bed.

As they did, one man bumped into the nightstand, causing Tracie’s alarm clock to fall to the floor. It went off, awaking Bonzer, who started to bark.

Agent 1: Now you’ve done it. Come on. Let’s get out of here!

The agents were leaving just as Zach and Maxine got to Tracie’s room.

Maxine: Who do you think it was?

Zach: {angered} I know exactly who it was.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Setting: An office building. The Smarts stood outside in the dark, unsure as what they should do.

99: Zach, are you absolutely positive that Tracie’s here?

Zach: Of course I’m sure. Those KAOS agents fell right into my trap.

Trio: What trap?

Zach: {annoyed} The trap I had set in case something were to happen to me. I put a nice little snag when you go through the windows in Maxine’s apartment. No matter what window you go through, you’ll snag a little invisible line that’s connected to a tracking device. Hence why we stand in front of this building.

99: Zach, that’s wonderful! And brilliant thinking on your part.

Zach: {smiling} Thank you.

Maxine: Wait a minute. Are you telling me you installed tracking devices in my apartment without my knowledge?

Zach: No. Just in Tracie’s room. {look from trio} {defensive} I was being prepared! In case Hill went after her. {continued look from trio} Stop looking at me like that!

Max: In any event, we’re here and now we have to figure out how to get in.

Zach: Look, gang. It’s a door. What kind of harm can a door pose? Come on.

The four go over to the front door, but just as Zach goes to reach for the knob, Maxine pulls his hand away.

Maxine: Do you really think you should do that?

Zach: {annoyed} Alright, appointed leader, what should we do?

Maxine: Well, first, we’re going to need some water.

Max: Can’t your thirst hold out until we get inside?

Maxine: {going over to facet} It’s not for me, Daddy.

Maxine fills a small vile with water that’s dripping from a nearby facet. She then comes back over to the group and throw the water at the doorknob. Just as she suspected, sparks came from the knob and shortly died down.

Maxine: Just as I thought.

99: I don’t believe it. Hill had this door rigged so you’d be electrocuted!

Zach: {pause} I knew that. I was just playing it safe that’s all. Now the trick is to see if this door is still charged up.

Zach took a handkerchief from his pocket and placed it over the doorknob. He cautiously turned the knob and they went inside.

Zach: Okay leader. We’re inside, but this has got to be a 20-story building with offices galore. How are we going to find Tracie?

Just then a loud scream went out.

Maxine: I say we follow the screams.

Max: They seem to be coming from the second floor.

Zach: Well let’s go!

The four rushed up to the second floor and saw Hill trying to get Tracie into the elevator.

Zach: {drawing gun} Hold it right there, Hill!

Hill turns around, grabs Tracie, and puts a gun to her head.

Hill: Why look? It’s the Smart family. How are you tonight? I’d love to stay and chat, but I need to be running along.

Max: Not so fast, Hill. I believe you have something of ours. We’d like to have her back, if you don’t mind.

Zach: Look Tommy, I know how jealous you are about this whole thing. And I don’t really blame you. I mean, not so many guys can stand up to the charms of Zachary Smart. And I refuse to think…that I’m some how superior…to…myself. {everyone looks at him}

Hill: {sarcastically} Your modesty kills me. But really Smart, did you actually think I’d let you come up here without some sort of back up? Would you believe at this exact moment, five of my men have their guns trained on you?

Zach: {smirking} I find that very hard to believe.

99: {tapping Zach on shoulder} Believe it.

Zach turns around and indeed, there are five KAOS agents, guns trained on the Smarts.

Zach: This usually isn’t the way things go, is it?

Hill: My men have strict orders to kill you, Mr. Smart. After all, there’s 5 million dollars to be had.

Tracie: Wait a minute!

Hill: {to Trace} What?

Tracie: I have a proposition for you.

Hill: I’m listening.

Tracie: You let the Smarts go and I’ll come with you.

Hill: {lets her go} Is this a trick?

Zach: Yes, this is a trick! Do you really think that MY fiancée would go off with YOU…?

Zach: Tracie! Come to your senses! The man’s a horrible, despicable, no-good evil doer, with the sole purpose of destroying the world!

Tracie: Everyone has their little faults, Zach.

Zach: Those aren’t faults! That’s a life building career!!

Hill: {looking at Tracie} What exactly are you trying to tell me, Tracie?

Tracie: Perhaps I might be making a mistake with Zach.

Zach: {speechless} {to Maxine} Do something! Make your future sister in law see the error of her ways!

Maxine: I think Tracie might have a point.

Zach can not believe his ears. He turns around to the five KAOS men.

Zach: {eyes closed} Shoot me. Just kill me.

Hill: Tracie, you have no idea how wonderful it is to hear you say something like that. {raises gun to her} But how stupid do you think I really am? {to Smarts} It works like this. My men kill you and your family, they collect the reward and I collect your fiancée. It couldn’t be better.

Tracie: It’s about to get worse.

Tracie did a roundhouse kick and knocked the gun out of Hill’s hand. The five agents were all but ready to shoot, when the Smarts ducked out of the way. One bullet hit Hill in the shoulder, while the Smarts eliminated four out of the five agents. The other agent tried to make a run for it, but was quickly stopped by Maxine. Tracie came back over to the Smarts as Hill stared them down.

Hill: {holding his shoulder} You may have won this battle, but do you really think you’ve won the war? {laughs} This war between us has just started. The next time we meet, you’ll be in the worst trouble you can ever imagine. And then I will have the last laugh. Farewell until we meet again.

Hill disappears into the elevator. Zach starts to follow, but is stopped by Max.

Max: There’s no way we’d catch him.

99: What did he mean the war has just started?

Zach: There’s only one way of finding that out and that’s to tangle with Thomas Hill again. And I assure you, the next time we meet, Thomas Hill will get his just deserts.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Setting: The office of Chief Maxwell Smart. TS was standing in Max’s office, listening to the latest update on Thomas Hill.

Max: Well, it’s official. Thomas Hill has disappeared. I had guys looking for him all last night and this morning, with no luck.

Tracie: That’s not the best of news, Chief. Especially seeing as Hill isn’t very happy with us right now.

Max: I know. And I’ve taken that into consideration. I’m thinking about beefing up security at your wedding.

Zach: And I figure that Hill’s probably serious about this war thing, so… after fixing some of the kinks, I think I’ve got Bonzer trained so that if something happens again, Bonzer will protect us. And I’m kinda hoping to make him a full dog agent.

Zach put the Ken doll on the floor and told Bonzer to go after it. The dog looked at Zach, then the Ken doll. He then went over to the Ken doll, sniffed it, yipped, went over to the chair, peed on the wooden leg, and came back over to Zach.