ASK DEEVA: I Had Sex With a Man I Call My Brother…How Do I Live My Life Now?

I read your blog from Ghana. I did something a while ago that has been eating me up and I just wanted to get it off my chest by writing to you.

I’m in my mid-thirties and recently got divorced from my husband. I have two kids which I need to provide for all by myself. Their father is always busy getting drunk and chasing women; the reason the marriage broke down in the first place.

I searched all over for a decent-paying job but couldn’t find any even with my Bachelor’s degree in Computer Science. Finally, I had to settle for a strip-dancing job at a high class night club in Accra.

You see, I have a banging body, even after two kids and I was always a very good dancer but I felt very reluctant to take a job as an erotic dancer because of my staunch Christian background. Finally, when the club manager saw what I could do with my body, he suggested I could dance with a carnival-like face mask to keep my identity hidden.

One night, a group of men walked in. They looked rich…the kind that comes in for a night of fun with enough cash to spend. Soon, it was my turn to dance and one of them suddenly took an interest in me. He paid me extra cash for a private lap dance. His offer was generous and harmless, but as I straddled on him to begin dancing I realized that I knew him. We are very close family friends who grew up together from childhood. Our parents were so close that we considered each other as cousins. I remember as teenagers, I used to have a crush on him but I did well to conceal it because it just felt gross at the time to start an intimate relationship with someone I considered a blood brother.

Now here I was, sitting seductively on my ‘big brother’s’ lap and the hardness in his groin proved my body was doing more to him than I had bargained for. So I felt it was only fair that I reveal my identity to him, and call it a ‘bad market.’ So I whispered it in his ear and opened my mask slightly to prove it was indeed me.

He was taken aback at first, but to my surprise he played along really well. He asked why I was doing this type of job and I reminded him that he was one of those I had approached to give me a loan to start a small business and he had refused. He laughed light-heartedly and told me he never knew I had such ‘talent’, that he would have given me the amount I asked and more if he had known. He then confessed he had always fantasized about having sex with me but had restrained himself because he didn’t want to offend my father. Then we both got married to different people and had kids so he had to take his mind off it at the time. But now, with me being divorced and him being here with me in a discreet setting, he might as well fulfill his fantasy.

My brother is an Oil & Gas magnate based in Dubai, so money isn’t really his problem. There and then he offered me three times the capital I needed to start my business if I’d have sex with him. It was an irresistible offer. It meant I could finally kiss my half-naked dancing job goodbye. It meant I could give my kids a quality life. But I know his wife and kids. How would I look into the eyes of a woman who considers me to be her sister-inlaw?

We made passionate love at a five star hotel not too far from the club. I have to confess it was really good especially as we both desired each other at one point in our lives. He also said I tasted better than he had imagined. The deal was to be with him for one week. I fulfilled my own end of the bargain and he wrote me the cheque.

I did open my business and from all indication, the future looks bright. But every morning, I walk into my office, I remember my enterprise was born from one week of passionate sexcapade with a man I consider my brother, I feel so guilty. Do I just suck it up and live my life…pretend like nothing happened? For me, I don’t mind if it ends there. But my fear now is the look he gave me when we said our goodbyes. He has returned to Dubai, but I just know that whenever he visits Accra, he might want to continue from where he stopped.