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Teens Seek Confidants in Adults, Peers

by Julie Ray, Contributing Editor

With all the tumultuous physical and emotional changes they go
through during adolescence, teenagers often find it harder to talk
to their parents about what's going on in their lives than they did
when they were children. Because teens are growing into
self-reliant adults, they often seek other people's opinions as
part of their own self-discovery. So, if talking to mom or dad
about grades, drug use among friends, or even just who to take to
prom is out of the question, who else do teens turn to for advice
or simply an ear to listen?

In response to a recent Gallup Youth Survey*, 78% of teens said
that there is another adult (not including mom or dad) in whom they
can completely trust and confide; 21% said there isn't. Boys and
girls, younger and older teens, and teens in different regions of
the country all answered this question similarly.

"If a child knows something is missing in their lives, they are
drawn to a coach, a teacher, or someone who can give that to them,"
says Chuck Cooper, the chief executive officer of Big Brothers Big
Sisters of the Midlands, which matches kids with volunteer mentors
in the Omaha, Neb., area. The high percentage of kids who say they
have a close relationship with an adult indicates how important
these relationships are to them, Cooper says. "Within that 78%,
even if that person is just an uncle and they only talk to him
maybe once a month, this child thinks that's important."

Linsey, a 17-year-old from Avoca, Iowa, says she trusts and
confides in her basketball coach. "My coach's daughter died in a
car accident a couple of years ago, and so we sort of fit together
like father and daughter. I can tell him anything and
everything and he always understands and can give the greatest
advice. He doesn't tell anyone, even my mom (whom he is also
very close with), the things I don't want him to."

Elizabeth, a 13-year-old from Lincoln, Neb., says she has a
close relationship with one of her mother's friends. "I completely
put my trust in her," she says. "We show a lot of common interests
and I've known her all my life, almost as long as I've known my
mother."

Unlike Linsey and Elizabeth, about one in five teens say they
don't have adult confidants other than their parents.
Some kids may be seeking to fill a void in their lives, but
don't know to where to look; organizations such as Big Brothers Big
Sisters seek to step in before negative influences completely fill
that void and it's too late. Cooper illustrates it this way: "Close
your eyes and imagine a coach, a minister, a priest or someone else
who has been important in your life. Now rip them out. Think of how
big a hole that would leave. That's the hole that these [Big
Brothers Big Sisters] volunteers are filling."

Teens Trusting Teens

Friends, siblings, and other people who are closer to teens' own
ages are also vital sounding boards. When asked if they completely
trust and confide in another person who is roughly their own age,
83% of teens say yes, while 15% say they don't have anyone like
this in their lives.

"My cousin is my same age and knows what I'm going through,"
says Tessa, a 17-year-old from Avoca. "My sister, who is a few
years older than I am, also knows what I'm going through because
she's already been through it."

Elizabeth says she has a lot of friends that she counts on, some
of them very different from her, and some of them very like
herself. "[Friendships] are like trying to build a magnificent
building. You need beautiful architecture that shows the
differences, but you need a foundation of similarities that will
hold it up."

*The Gallup Youth Survey is conducted via an Internet
methodology provided by Knowledge Networks, using an online
research panel that is designed to be representative of the entire
U.S. population. The current questionnaire was completed by 785
respondents, aged 13 to 17, between Jan. 22 and March 9, 2004. For
results based on the total sample, one can say with 95% confidence
that the maximum margin of sampling error is ±4 percentage
points.

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