It’s too hot for the train tracks

‘Leaves on the line’ is no more – this summer’s sizzling new excuse for you to be stuck in a boiling tin can just outside the station is…’IT’S TOO HOT.’

The recent heatwave, which in most places is just called ‘summer’, has brought South West trains at Waterloo to a standstill as the heat is warping the metal tracks, and our olde Victorian railway just can’t cope with the high temperatures.

At Waterloo, speed limits were yesterday reduced to 20mph between 12pm and 6pm as a precautionary measure. As a result, the general public slowly harrumphed their way home, beleaguering Twitter with comments like ‘it’s not the Sahara desert’ and ‘this is an absolute joke.’

Train companies had already prepared for the hot weather by artificially putting stress on the rails so the metal could cope with the heat. But, as a South West trains spokesman explained: ‘The ageing condition of our infrastructure has meant that despite the preparation work that has taken place, we have had to impose speed restrictions.’

Ok, fair enough. But how about ‘imposing’ air conditioning and free Margaritas, too?

‘The ageing condition of our infrastructure has meant that despite the preparation work that has taken place, we have had to impose speed restrictions.’ – That will be the infrastructure that they have been “upgrading” year on year, or that’s what they keep telling us is the reason for ticket price increases … meanwhile bonuses are paid, profits are high and yet the tracks still don’t work …