Friday, February 9, 2007

9:01, I text-message my friend Deborah: Did you watch The Office? I have to know what happened.

9:02, no response. I call my sister at home to see if she watched it. She didn’t. “Well, could you look on the TiVo and tell me if Mom taped it? She did?! Will you watch the last three minutes and tell me what happened?”

Honestly, I have no idea why I need that information. It would probably make the episode more enjoyable if I didn’t know how it ended. (Neither of my friends came through for me tonight, and I had to sift through internet message boards while I waited for the episode to download.)

Then, I had the following AIM conversation with my friend, Clarissa, with whom I often watch Grey’s Anatomy:

CLARISSA: also GREY"S WTFCAROLINE: i didn't see!! what happened!!!!???CLARISSA: oh you just have to watchCLARISSA: i can't even tell youCLARISSA: you just hvae to watchCAROLINE: no please tell meCAROLINE: i am such a whore for knowingCLARISSA: NOCLARISSA: you HAVE TO WATCHCAROLINE: pleasssee?????CLARISSA: NOCLARISSA: WATCHCAROLINE: i can'tCLARISSA: otherwise it will sooooo ruin itCAROLINE: it's not on youtube!!!!CAROLINE: i don't caaaaaareCLARISSA: let's just say i almost had a heart attack at the endCAROLINE: why?????CAROLINE: just tell meCAROLINE: i don't careCAROLINE: i want to knowCAROLINE: (ps i am going to blog about this)CLARISSA: AHGSDLKJFASLFDJKASFDCAROLINE: FINE!CAROLINE: you suckCLARISSA: GOODCLARISSA: i was like just thiiiiiiiinking of tellng youCLARISSA: but now i won'tCAROLINE: go to hellCAROLINE: you were notCLARISSA: hahaCLARISSA: i like WANT to tell youCLARISSA: but then when you watchCLARISSA: it will ruin itCLARISSA: FINECLARISSA: pick up yo phoneCAROLINE: did you want to talk to me so you could apologize for being a nutcase?CLARISSA: that and to tell you and lily what happenedCLARISSA: b/c it's too long to typeCAROLINE: ok

She called and told me.

Why do I do this to myself? BECAUSE I CAN’T HELP IT!

I have the utmost respect for people who refrain from reading spoilers, watching the promo clips on Yahoo, and, sometimes, for avoiding previews. Even my esteemed colleague Mae puts up away messages demanding that her friends keep their lips sealed about shows she’s waiting to watch. I simply cannot do it.

I am the person who sits on their computer and refreshes Michael Ausiello’s page at 12:00 midnight on Wednesday mornings. I check SpoilerFix.com regularly, even though I know its updates usually don’t contain new information. Hell, I still read spoilers at coffeeandpie.com, even though I haven't watched ER in three-and-a-half years. I analyze every promotional picture, every commercial, every comment made on late-night TV. "Stay tuned for scene's from next week's all-new..." is still my favorite part of the episode.

I think my compulsion probably has to do with the fact that I don’t watch fan videos or read fan fiction. I have been known to make the occasional desktop background, but that’s about it. I need something to fill all of my online time that I would otherwise be devoting to scouring YouTube or FanFiction.net. Maybe this new project here will allow me to stop obsessively hitting refresh on my favorite spoiler sites.

Maybe it’s because I’m an elitist sociopath who has to be constantly in-the-know. It was more than a little upsetting to me when my friend told me about Anna Nicole Smith’s death this afternoon. Not because I am worried about who gets custody of Sugar Pie the dog, but because I was actually a little miffed that it wasn’t me breaking the news to my friend.

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