Octomom: ‘I have a better figure than Kate Gosselin’

Nadya Suleman’s two-hour documentary Octomom: The Incredible Unseen Footage aired on FOX last night and showed the day-to-day life our of nation’s very own psychotic incubator. While the show was rife with reasons why Nadya shouldn’t be allowed to parent anything more aware than a potato, she also took time to fire off criticisms of TV mom Kate Gosselin, according to Celebuzz:

Clucking at the pictures of Gosselin parading around in a bikini on the beach from earlier this year, Suleman opined, “It’s so staged. She’s doing it to get people to take pictures of her… I feel like it’s cheating [to get a tummy-tuck]. It’s her choice. If she has enough money to fix herself, let her.”
Then Suleman tossed out another dis, declaring, “I have a better shape, though. I’m sorry, no offense to her.”
Apparently tired of attacking Gosselin’s physique, Suleman then went on to find fault with Gosselin’s personality.
“I’m not as attention-seeking [as Gosselin],” Suleman noted.

When she wasn’t attacking her porcupine-haired rival, Octomom was seen calling the police about the paparazzi – but not the ones she secretly invited into her house to photograph the children. She also told a disturbing story about making her own mother ride in the trunk of her car because she was sprayed by a skunk. I’m not even joking. The NJ Star Ledger reports:

The most chilling scene, for me, was when Nadya recounted the story that when was 17, her mother got sprayed by a skunk. Nadya told her the only way she’d ride home in the car with her was if she (her mother) went in the trunk of the car.
Nadya then recounted how she shut the trunk door (although her mother tried to keep it open a crack) then drove crazy so she could make her mother’s ride as uncomfortable as possible. “It was really funny,” she said, “I kept hearing her body roll from side to side.” From the deadness in her expression and in the tone of her voice, you got a terrifying whiff of someone seriously disconnected from human emotion. Until the documentary, I had dismissed claims that she was emotionally disturbed, thinking perhaps she was just a bit eccentric, but seeing her life exposed this way did nothing for her cause.

At this point, I’m almost convinced Nadya Suleman is on Kate Gosselin’s payroll because, shit, does Kate walk away from this looking awesome. No, really, I almost want to hunt down Jon Gosselin just to punch him in the nuts and say “Hey. At least you weren’t married to Octomom, jerk!” Then I’d steal his magical ATV and bed women with it. It’s the only way he’ll learn.