A Real-Life Soap Opera

NORTH CAROLINA (BASN) — First it was Guiding Light. Then it was As the World Turns, which after 56 years will be canceled by CBS in September 2010. Who or what will replace our people’s adulterous appetite for these lustful soap operas.

Could Tiger Woods steamy sexual scandal be the answer?

We, in America love a good juicy adulterous affair. Oh yes, we do.

Don’t pretend like you don’t, especially if it involves some high priced celebrity or some superstar athlete. Just look at how the O.J.

Simpson murder case captured our attention. It was better than a Shakespearean play, a modern day version of Othello.

What about Dynasty, Dallas, Falcon Crest, or Desperate Housewives?

We love this mess. We can’t get enough of this stuff.

Therefore, we should actually thank Tiger Woods for giving us something to talk about. Something to spice up our dull lives and unhappy marriages. Oh yeah, we can pretend to turn up our noses in disgust at Tiger’s adulterous affair, but we love it.

The dirtier. The better. We love watching the filthy rich, be filthy.

We as a people have become like a Christian in an all white double-breasted eight bottom church suit standing in the middle of a pig pen with mud up to our necks claiming that we are clean.

Tell the truth, and shame the devil as my grandma would say.

Hell, there is even a weekly syndicated reality TV show entitled Cheaters that documents people who are suspected of cheating on their partners with hidden cameras and spies hiding in the bushes hosted by Joey Greco that airs on Saturday night for our entertainment.

And we love it. And these low down and dirty producers at these networks keep feed us this (s***) cause they know our people will watch it.

Here’s an idea.

Maybe, Tiger Woods should or could be a guess on Maury’s trashy talk show which is famous for hooking up his guest to a lie detector in order to determine if they have been faithful to their girlfriends or wives.

But with all of these alleged strippers, porn stars, waffle house (I mean Perkins) waitresses, and escorts, maybe Tiger’s agents should allow him to be a guest on Jerry Springer with the title of show being called “I LOVE GOLF, I LOVE my WIFE but I slept with 14 women”

Now, I can just see and hear that rowdy Jerry Springer audience screaming “Jerry!! Jerry!!” while pumping their fist in the air in an uncontrollable frenzy as Tiger Woods’ wife Elin chases him around the studio with a golf club.

Now, that’s some good TV! (Right). You people are sick…

But honestly, we can’t be mad at Tiger. Even though, he was married with two children his behavior is no different for the pathetic reality shows produced by Viacom like Flavor of Love that featured Flavor Flav, Real Chance of Love, For the Love of Ray J which are simply modern day minstrel shows that mimic the Bachelor, an reality television dating game show which debuted in 2002 on ABC.

The shows premise is one wealthy white male in a rented tuxedo gets an opportunity to sleep with over 20 women in a rented castle for a week. He then eliminates them one by one after having sex with them.

After the sexual encounter, he gives them a long-stemmed rose and teary-eyed apology for not marrying them.

Wow!! Welcome to America.

If it looks like a mail-order bride. It is.

If it looks like high-price prostitution. It is.

If it looks like an escort service. It is.

So don’t blame Tiger Woods, he has just replaced our lustful appetite for soap operas with a little dose of reality.