Letter to God Regarding the Death of Small Children by Cancer. With respect to some of the things about this world that are really pissing me off I have decided that it would be best to address these concerns to someone in charge. In lieu of finding the appropriate body, organisation or board I have decided that your position as master and creator of the universe is probably the correct channel to pursue.

In my role as embodied spirit currently occupying a human form down here in Christchurch I have to say that you have seriously fucked up big time this time.

The death of small children from cancer is something you really should reconsider as I believe it falls in the category of the cruel and unnecessary and while many things on this earth may also be filed under this heading I do believe in this case you have gone too far.

For starters it’s not like a 4 year old boy could possibly fit into any ideas of karmic nature or cause and effect. He’s only been here 5 minutes. There are many who perhaps would justify such an end but I note, with a considerable amount of ire – that they are not on your cancer list.

I have at my disposal a list of more suitable candidates should you require it and am happy to share my thoughts on who would more appropriately have their life pre-emptively terminated before they can do any more damage. I do acknowledge that Gaddafi has already been taken out and I have crossed him off my list. This little boy’s name, please note, is conspicuously absent and I am confused as to why is he is still suffering and is not in fact, cured and heading off to the beach this summer as I had asked.

I know that this is not how things generally work but this is a rather urgent matter and I think it’s particularly bad form that you have chosen to slope off just when the going gets rough.

I have serious issues regarding your complaints department – in all honesty you would be better to fire all your staff there as they have done nothing to address my previous complaints or redress the issues.

When you said ‘Suffer unto me the little children’ I did not seriously think for a minute it would be the children that would suffer. What is that all about? I mean really? And it’s not like I can give any comfort to his Mum either.

I mean I could say “ ‘This all has a higher purpose’ but that’s the kind of thing Christians say that make you want to shoot them in the head. Seriously. What possible purpose can this be serving? It is patently bloody obvious that it is not his time. Not for another 70 years at least.

I cannot believe people saying that ‘he will be better off in the place he is going’. That also produces in me a homicidal response. He’s pretty well off where he is right now. He has a family who love him and a beautiful world to discover and that’s the thing – if you can get so much right whether in a ‘try and tweak’ form of evolution or the instant ‘just add water’ variety of creationism – if there is so much that is so irrationally right about this world – how could you get this one just so plain wrong?

Having worked a lot in kitchens I know that a truly great chef (which is kind of what I imagine you to be except with some very exceptional recipes) takes the flak and stands the heat – even or most especially when they or their staff have got something wrong. I’m sending this plate back.

I’m asking you to seriously reconsider the whole deal with children getting cancer and if this issue is not resolved in my lifetime I will be asking for my money back on this whole life deal.