Top 25 Rick Perry jokes of the presidential campaign

It’s never good for a presidential campaign when you become a political punchline. That’s where the struggling Rick Perry for President jugger-NOT finds itself right now. Here’s a collection of 25 of the best jokes targeting the Texas governor.

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NOT THE BRIGHTEST BULB IN THE ROOM

“It turns out that Texas Gov. Rick Perry got a D in Principles of Economics. So he can’t be president, but he can get a job on President Obama’s economic team.”

-– Jay Leno, NBC

“Rick Perry said America’s revolutionary war was fought in the 16th century. When told it was actually the 18th century, Perry apologized and said, ‘I never said I was a geology major.’”

– Conan O’Brien, TBS

“In a new videotape message, Texas Gov. Rick Perry urges his supporters to follow him on ‘Tweeter.’ After hearing about it, John McCain laughed and said, “What an idiot! It’s ‘The Tweeter.””

-– Conan O’Brien, TBS

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NO DEBATE ABOUT IT

“Larry Flynt is offering $1 million if someone came up with proof that Rick Perry had an illicit sexual liaison. But I say, Larry, really we don’t have to do that. We already came up with a way to embarrass Rick Perry. It’s called debates.”

– Bill Maher, HBO

“Big news from last night’s Republican debate, you guys. It turns out George Bush was actually the smart Texas governor.”

– Jimmy Fallon, ABC

“Rick Perry did so badly at the last debate, that President Obama turned to Michelle and said, ‘Honey, you can stop packing.’”

– David Letterman, CBS

“There was another big Republican debate tonight in Orlando, Fla. This one was sponsored by Google, which is tricky for Rick Perry because he’s a yahoo.”

– Jay Leno, NBC

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WHAT A TURKEY!

“I’m not sure Rick Perry understands Thanksgiving either. When they asked him if he was going to deep-fry a turkey, he said, ‘Well, if he’s found guilty.’ ”

– Jay Leno, NBC

“Rick Perry said, ‘I only took $5,000 from [pharmaceutical giant] Merck. Are you saying I can be bought for $5,000? I’m offended.’ This is how degraded our politics are. ‘How dare you call me a cheap whore! I will have you know I’m a high-priced whore.’”

– Bill Maher, HBO

“Rick Perry said he understands health care because his wife is a nurse. He also says he understands terrorism because he watched all the seasons of ’24.’”

– Conan O’Brien, TBS

FORGETFUL RICK

“Today is 11/11/11, a date so simple even Rick Perry can remember it.”

– Jimmy Fallon, ABC

“What’s the difference between Lindsay Lohan and Rick Perry? It only takes Lindsay four and a half hours to finish a sentence.”

– Jay Leno, NBC

“People are still talking about Rick Perry’s memory lapse. And it happened a couple of months ago too, when he had trouble remembering the name of his hunting camp.”

–- David Letterman, CBS

“Look, I know these Rick Perry jokes are a little mean, but tomorrow, he won’t even remember them.”

-– Jimmy Fallon, ABC

“I think there’s one more thing Perry can forget, too: Being president.”

– Jay Leno, NBC

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DRUNK OR HIGH?

“Best case scenario: That dude’s hammered. Worst case scenario, that is Perry sober and every time we’ve seen him previously, he’s been hammered.”

– Jon Stewart, Comedy Central

“Have you ever seen anyone so happy to receive a jug of maple syrup?”

– Tim Murphy, Mother Jones

“It was like watching a man deliver a political speech while re-enacting his favorite Jackie Chan movie.”

– John Hayward, Human Events

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A CAMPAIGN IN DISARRAY

“Rick Perry is now behind in the polls and he’s not taking it well. Today he executed his pollster.”

– David Letterman, CBS

“Rick Perry has admitted that he’s so tired that he can’t sleep. He should listen to one of his own speeches.”

– David Letterman, CBS

“Rick Perry unveiled his new tax plan. He says he wants a flat tax. He believes that tax should be flat, just like the earth.”

– Jay Leno, NBC

“People attending a Rick Perry event in New Hampshire had to prove they were American citizens. They asked a math or science question and if you get it wrong, you were born here.”

– Jay Leno, NBC

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THE JOKE’S ON US

“Today it’s 61 and foggy, like Rick Perry. But it’s nice to see a guy running for president who’s only groping for words.”

-– David Letterman, CBS

“Rick Perry has now accused Mitt Romney of hiring illegal aliens to work on his hair.”

– David Letterman, CBS

“Personally, I hope he doesn’t get out of the campaign. I need Rick Perry. I don’t want to spend the next year trying to do jokes about Mitt Romney.”