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Wednesday, March 7, 2012

My computer is done, gone, dead! So many things I don't have a back-up of. I cried and cried and still can. Even at work I feel like a time bomb. My heart is broken and I don't know how to fix it. I guess that's how my relationship to my computer really is. It held so many memories, work, thoughts, music, photos, so much... gone.

Needless to say I'm using food to get through all this. But I think I've had enough time to mourn over it, four whole days to be exact. I'll get back on track tomorrow. Why not now? Because I'm letting myself have the rest of the day like a spoiled child. By the way I've lost 3 lbs. Gotta be ready for the Monday weigh in.

On top of all, this is one of the craziest weeks at work. God, please let me get through this.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Since I last blogged, I really tried to take photos of what I eat. What did I end up with? A bunch of breakfast photos and nothing else. I guess my brain only functions in the morning. May be it wouldn't be so bad, if I didn't eat the following: super-sized MegaMac, two pizzas, lot of chocolate, McNuggets, milkshake, and I'm deffinetely forgetting something, but who cares, right? No! I care!

I did not gain any lbs, ofcourse I also didn't lose any. I was talking to a friend at work today. She said she gained 2 lbs since she said she would start dieting. But she needs to lose probably 5 lbs and there, she is perfect. I told her I didn't lose any, but it was OK, cos I wasn't the one getting married soon. She is. Then she said "You don't have a wedding, but you have to look gorgeous at mine!" Duh! I do, don't I!

That gives me a date to look forward to, which I think could be a serious motivation for me. Because I do need one. I need to work at something. A special kind of push to direct me on my way. So here is the date:

June 23rd

That gives me solid three months. (Need time to shop for the dress, and fine tune) 12 weeks.

Do you think I could lose 20 lbs by June 1st? That's my challenge. That's a reward to look forward to. I love it.

So I decided I could join the BYOC crowd. I believe BYOC comes from Sheniqua madness.

1. If you were going to scratch your ass in public, which cheek would you start with?

I'd start with the right one, but I start from the right side most of the time and I do have OCD, so that's just usual business to me. Although why do both cheeks need scratching at the same time, I don't know that. May be we need a shower??

2. If you were a fashion designer, what's the first item of clothing you'd design for yourself and why.

I love Drazil's answer, although I didn't think of it before reading her answer. This is what she wrote, in case you didn't read it yet: "I'd design a purse because NO purse on Earth has ever had exactly what I want it to have." It's brilliant! I really wish I could. But other than that I'd probably go for a dress first. I know what I like, what I want, what I need and someone needs to just do it!

3. Remember last week when I told
you to describe yourself in 5 positive words? This week - turn to your
family or anyone next to you and ask them to describe you in 5 words
and LISTEN to their answers.

my husband tried his best:

beautiful

angellovely

crazy

innocent (seriously come again?!!)

4. Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

I started blogging, which is excellent. I'm giving myself double points for that.

I tried my best to ease into eating right. I failed miserably at tracking. I meant to take pics of everything I ate today and ended up with a breakfast photo only. Tomorrow is a new day.

I really wanted to start working out. Something simple and doable with my schedule, but had to work till 10:30 pm on Monday, came home 11:15 pm, got ready for the next and went to bed at 00:30 am. There is one thing I can't negotiate about and that is my sleep. I need 8 hours of sleep a night and I'm an insomniac since birth! So my whole week was ruined. I've feeling feeling like a ghost, especially the last couple of days, so no workouts yet. I'm planning on starting Sunday. Wish me luck.

I've two cats by the way. A boy and a girl. Both 6 months old. My little girl is getting fixed. My poor little girl. I'm scared more than I should as I had a cat and a dog go through the same process before. I just need to see her racking the apartment soon to know she is 100% fine. Cos that's my girl. She is my little monster, the cutest one of all time!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

I suck at time management. It might be cute when my husband is waiting for me to finally get ready to go out, but I can't seem to organize anything in my life. My work takes up a huge part of my day. I like the job, I like my boss, but I also constantly daydream about what I could've been doing with some free time for myself.

For example, yesterday a lot of the blogs I've read talked about tracking. I don't enjoy it myself and I desperately need to track or I'm lost. I'm trying to go back to the habit, just can't seem to even spare the time for that. Every day I wanna read more blogs, write on my own (by the way this is my second attempt at this) and when I get home at 8 pm I really don't wanna do anything. Forget about exercising, all I wanna do is stare at the TV and eat. Even reading proves to be tiring.

In the end I'm honestly tired of living for my work. Still I wanna do more about the job as well. I wanna learn more, be more involved, take more responsibilities and so on. But I could just spend one whole week really doing everything I need, working out, eating right, keeping the apartment organized, giving 100% at work and even have time for my friends... I think I would be OK. Like the next week couldn't help, but follow on those footsteps and so on. Just one week of having everything. At least trying to, really meaning to be the person working on my ideal self. This Sunday I'll go for it. And if I succeed my reward will be a huge, unbeatable sense of satisfaction. Don't I deserve that!

Monday, February 20, 2012

Story of my life. My jeans won’t hold my not-so-tiny tummy in anymore. This morning on my way to work I felt a sudden
release right on my belly. And something started moving along down from my
belly button, even letting my fat fall free now. My hand runs to my jeans and
oh! the stupid zipper broke! What an idiot! I’m already on my way, out on the
street, in the crowd. Thank God it’s freezing today, which means I’m wearing
possible five layers of clothing, giving my zipper area plenty of protection. I
hold on to my coat tight like my life depends on it.

The problem is I have to
take it off once I get to work. I work in a small office with only four people
to witness my shame. Oh what a shame! I get on the bus almost sure everyone is
staring and pointing at me. Then it hits me, I’m wearing the last pants that
still fits me. Oh yeah! Wait, I have another pair that’s meant for summer.
Could I wear that tomorrow? Would I freeze to death? I started imagining a full
hour of trying a whole box of jeans on that won’t fit me anymore or didn’t ever
to be begin with. I’m not looking forward to that, once again. I make it to
work almost shaking of stress. Take my coat off, run to the bathroom. The
zipper is ugly and it’s stupid and I hate it. But you can’t really tell
anything is going on under my oversized Bart Simpson sweatshirt. Thank you
Bart. Me love you.

Turns out I have one pair of jeans barely
fitting, although I must say it’s a pain to get in and stay in. I gave to
broken zipper jeans to a tailor, who I hope will fix it. Otherwise I’m gonna
cry, cus there is no way I can lose enough weight to get in a smaller size in
just one or two days. If I could I guess I would. But I gotta anyhow. Not in
one day obviously. But gotta lose some and along the way gotta learn how to
take care of myself. I suppose I’ll learn to take care of my husband, too. I’m
a newly wed, who loves her job, but still don’t enjoy working. Go figure. I’m a
real lazy girl. Not exactly trying to change, but let’s say improve! Good luck
to me.

As much as I dream my wishes come alive in a heartbeat, I might have decided it's time to take some responsibility for myself and most importantly my weight. I'm a 27 years old self-proclaimed lazy girl, who got married, got a job, and decided to lose weight. There I hit the wall. You can't take care of a home, be somewhat good at your job or lose weight by being lazy. How will I ever grow up and learn to take care of her life! IS it really that I'm lazy? I think I need to find that out first. Here we go.