War T. Hog after he outlived his usefulness, his neck was too big for a noose

I'll drive!

— A Marine

Shotgun!

— Another Marine

Shotgun! Fuck!

— Yet another marine

M41 Light Anti-Aircraft Gun!

— Marine who rathers the .50 cal gatling gun than sitting in the front

In Soviet Russia, War T Hog drives YOU!!

— Yakov Smirnoff on the how the War T Hog works

We-know what drives you, Bingham, Toyot- BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!

— Warthog proving Toyota wrong with its Gauss gun

It has four inch armor plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen, this is the M12 LRV! I like to call it the Warthog.

— Sarge, On the Warthog

War T. Hog is possibly one of the most awesome men in all the Halo series. After an eating binge, he grew to the size of jeep capable of carrying three people on his back. The UNSC was later inspired to design a vehicle after War T. Hog. It was named the warthog, and was very successful. People who wish to ride the warthog must take a drivers ed class, but strangley, they do not have to pass it. That explains why all the marines end up crashing the warthog or driving it off a cliff. All warthogs also have an anti-noob feature. When a noob gets in the drivers seat, the feature activates, disabling the breaks and limiting the functions of the stearing wheel. A light also turns on in the passenger and turret seats, telling those people to jump out of the warthog for there own safety This feature is designed to try to kill the noob, so that his noobiness will never harm another person again, and at the same time prevent harm to passengers.

The nicest feature about warthogs is that even though no one riding ever gives a fuck and actually buckles up, you can never fall out. This proves useful since Marines don't like to buckle up. When being driven by a f-ing n00b or a Marine, they usually crash into walls at high speeds, and from human's experience this generally turns out to be a bad situation (ex. crash worthiness of passenger vehicles in the 21st century). While in the Warthog though, soldiers are never ejected from the vehicle...even when upside down. After coming off the assembly line, every warthog is given to a maniac who sledgehammers the hell out of all the machinery so that it cannot maintain a speed less than 99mph or turn in time to miss a textile factory two miles away. The steering wheel and acceleration pedal are immediately disabled whenever any warthog is fielded. They are promptly replaced by a computer that is programmed to make the engine and wheels go fucking insane, making even the most skilled drivers look like they're on crack. This doesn't matter, however, as warthogs are covered in deadly nerve-poison making them blindingly lethal when they come in contact with any living creature, killing 2-ton 1,000 pound cyborgs while braking (which is nigh-impossible) or not moving at all. The turrets on all warthogs have the complimentary and utterly worthless feature of pointing toward the front of the vehicle in absence of a gunner, the reason for this is still being extracted from the warthog's designer, who is now incarcerated in UNSC's prison for like a bajillion counts of manslaughter. All of this was resolved in Halo 2 onward.