A practical and philosophical study of survival skills by long distance ultralight backpacker, Carol Wellman. Outdoor skills demonstrated, true stories and resources in a down to earth presentation. A woman's approach to urban and wilderness survival.

Monday, April 1, 2013

April's Fool and Tofu Bean Sprouts

April first comes once a year. Here at Man Camp in Yellowstone National Park, we in the Kitchen just had to do something.

While preparing lunch, I told the chef my idea. He smiled and said, yeah!

When Barb came in at 11, I told her my idea. She was on board. I told her to write up the menu, make it believable.

Of course, we knew better than to serve tofu. The wraps were lettuce, tomato, chicken salad with chopped crisp bacon. The soup was turkey vegetable. We made real homemade cookies as always, and, as always had to limit all 55 guys to two each. Before the cookie limit was enacted months ago, the guys would scarf down 5, cleaning everything in site before the last guys could get a taste.

Barb and I promised each other we had to keep a straight face. Little did we expect the hilarious challenge facing us.
The first guy in line is known for his great love of bacon and all things RED meat. He read the board and daggers of murderous fire shot from both eye balls. Barb actually took a step back from the line. We winked, whispered it was a joke, and he softened a tad, took his and disappeared to his room.
The next guys in line read the menu skeptically, asking among other things, "What is Tofu? What is Kale?" We calmly explained both items, and told them to try them. Reluctantly, they did, walking away.
An older gentleman read the board and stomped off angrily. I can't say he was swearing, but I he grabbed the door, I called his name and signaled to come over. We whispered the joke, he grinned, said he wouldn't give us away, and took one.

Barb and I were doing good. Straight faces, telling the guys they had to open up their worlds and try some tofu. One guy came through, scowled and said, "Yeah, you know why guys don't eat tofu? It messes with their manhood. They start growing boobs and shit."
"Whatever," I replied, "I'm not buying that excuse."
The guy laughed and said, "well, sounded good to me."

A painter stood looking over the serving line, speechless. I thought he might shoot us if he had a gun. I said, "Bill, try a wrap."
"I don't believe this crap," he replied.
"Try it, all the other guys are eating theirs," I suggested amicably.
He took one, sat down, called over as I came out to refill the cranberry juice picture, "Carol, this tastes like chicken."
"Alot of stuff tastes like Chicken," I replied.
"Well even the texture is like chicken," he said.
"Thanks, Bill, I appreciate it."

A plumber was talking on his phone as he read the board unbelieving. He cocked his head, read the same four lines over and over. Finally he took the cell phone from his ear and growled, "I'll have a wrap."
Later, as I walked around the tables, some guys still seemed to think they were being fed tofu. One electrician said, "I don't think I got a single tofu in my wrap."
"No?" I asked, surprised, "What do you think you ate?"
"I thought it was chicken," he said suspiciously." I smiled.

Later, a guy came in for supper, confided, "When I read the board, I quietly left the dining hall, went to my room and punched out my pillow. Then, I calmly returned and ate a bowl of cereal. Once I found out the guys were eating Chicken wraps, I had one. They were great."

So, our April Fool's joke was a huge success. We enjoyed every one's honest reaction. I'm still not sure everyone had figured it out yet. We never even tried to serve tofu.