Welcome

Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and
others concerned about HIV/AIDS. Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the
conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning: Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive
and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a
username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own
physician.

All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators
of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please
provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are
true and correct to their knowledge.

Author
Topic: Living with HIV and the Fear of Change (Read 14803 times)

And the fears which you list, for the most part, will show your strength, Wesley, as you face them down and get past them or overcome them. But anytime we fear death, we fear something on another level all together. To add to Daniel's post, I post this as a reborn Christian who accepts that death brings the end of some things and so is to be feared. Gradations, again. Win

Logged

Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems. The last was published in December 2006. He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

And the fears which you list, for the most part, will show your strength, Wesley, as you face them down and get past them or overcome them.

Interesting thought, Win. As I was saying in a PM to someone just this morning:

I believe anyone can grow from adversity, and frankly I find it pointless to run from it. The only real choice for me is to go THROUGH it and come out the other side. Whenever I see people choosing to escape their problems (often through drug or alcohol abuse) I really believe theyíre doing themselves great harm and a disservice. I did the same thing for years so I know how that works.

How can anyone know what they can truly handle if they never turn around and meet it head-on? Fortunately, when we know better, most people do better.

I believe anyone can grow from adversity, and frankly I find it pointless to run from it. The only real choice for me is to go THROUGH it and come out the other side. Whenever I see people choosing to escape their problems (often through drug or alcohol abuse) I really believe theyíre doing themselves great harm and a disservice. I did the same thing for years so I know how that works.

Oh, love this, thanks. For me and adversity, it's more like I *dread* adversity because I know how I can go ballistic & irrational, e.g., I fear going back to work and being the only HIV positive person there and having to tolerate petty people who focus on climbing the corporate ladder without an ounce of thought for HIV/AIDS, our soldiers fighting in Iraq and domestic problems, etc. I dread having to deal with those "types" especially if they're all about rising to the top by any means necessary. In a way I was once that type of person before being diagnosed with HIV. In one year I became a senior report inspector and I worked for a big-shot and I was one step away from getting a fancy license called the NYSE Series 16SA. I didn't care who I stepped on to get to where I got. I was very mean to people when I held all the aces. HIV put a stop to all that nonsense. So I dread encountering "karma" in the workplace and losing ground healthwise because of people and their funky attitudes

Then consider yourself a better person for changing for the better and no longer being consumed by pettiness and selfish gain. The great thing about life is there's always something new to learn and thatís where my focus lies now. There is a limitless supply of possibilities out there, so long as we keep alert and so donít run from the challenges, big or small, we can grow in some way from them all. Thatís where the truly meaningful growth potential lies.

We canít give what we donít have, and the more we experience the more we can empathize with others on this planet. We may all be in this together by ourselves, as Lily Tomlin said, but not allowing fears (real or imagined) to keep me from participating in life in my own way is an important part of living to me. I still find meaning in life and I still want to live until I die, not die inside before my body expires.

And the fears which you list, for the most part, will show your strength, Wesley, as you face them down and get past them or overcome them. But anytime we fear death, we fear something on another level all together. To add to Daniel's post, I post this as a reborn Christian who accepts that death brings the end of some things and so is to be feared. Gradations, again. Win

Hey Win,

I have a lot of fears. Death really isn't one of them. I think it's great if some people feel they've found enlightenment from HIV and what not, but I haven't found Jesus although it looks like Cameron has this week. ; ) I will admit I have a fear of having a life not worth living. My definition is probably a lot different than others. It's sort of interesting you brought religion into the picture. If it wasn't the root of most evil I'd be jumping on the bandwagon and telling everyone to find God.

Anyways, I sort of wish I just had that mentality that whatever will be will be, but it ain't gona happen by me throwing out all my integrity and rational thought for my savior.

I'm not religious at all but I definitely have the outlook que sera sera. The way I look at it, whats the alternative? That is, whats the alternative that won't possibly cause a stomach ulcer (or worse) from stress. Don't get me wrong, I'm not apathetic - not by a long shot - but I am learning how to recognise situations I can't do anything to alter. I use the serenity prayer in a non-praying way, more like a mantra. Works for me.

Melia

Logged

/\___/\ /\__/\(=' . '=) (=' . '=)(,,,_ ,,,)/ (,,,_ ,,,)/ Cats rule!

The difference between cats and dogs is that dogs come when called, whereas cats take a message and get back to you.

que sera sera..... Good Attitude Melia. I'm still working through some of my fears right now so I'm not as gleeful as others. I've adopted that principle quite a lot lately. However, I am proactive and I think taking action, even if it's just typing my ramblings on here is a step in the right direction.

I don't have all the answers and don't claim to. Just sort of work through my fears as they arise. And, the recent one of an AIDS diagnosis has been pretty challenging and right now I'm not willing to accept que sera sera because it's all up in the air at the moment.

So, while I'm trying to work through my fear of why my Virus is potentially progressing at warp speed I'm trying to learn from others what rational insight they have on the subject matter. In turn, I'm immediately psychoanalyzed or bombarded with philosophical & religious BS.

So taking all that out of it. I think my fear is that I have some fast progressing version of the HIV virus. Probably after this passes I'll move on with my life and look back and laugh, but right now I'm trying to figure things out. I fear others who may have actual advice are afraid to speak up and tell me they've had a similar experience for a variety of reasons.

Well, those are my fears today, however whacked they may be

que sera sera.......

ps. Melia, I hope you're happy cause now I got that song stuck in my head ; )

Living with this dastardly virus in me has heightened my awareness of how short a time human beings each have to live on this earth, Poz or not, and how fragile life can be. It's already an insecure world, and living with HIV in my body adds to that another kind of insecurity in a personal way.

I was not asking for help per se, but rather trying to start a discussion about FEAR, its roots and causes, and how people cope with theirs. Some interesting thoughts about that have been raised already and I hope that will continue, and not be lost by derailing this thread. Thatís up to people who post here and out of my hands, but I believe (hope) itís not impossible.

The topic of this thread is:

Living with HIV and the Fear of Change

How does being HIV positive influence (if it does) how you deal with fear of change?

Daniel

You are so right Daniel!Fear? - hummm the only thing we have to fear is the fear that we create all by our selves.

I have to admit I am at times guilty of over thinking things. This can take a lot of energy, not to mention wasted time on speculation. You would think by now Iíd learn that most things I fear vanish into thin air once I turn around and face them.

Thereís a phrase in an old James Taylor song Shower the People that says, ďyou can run but you cannot hide, this is widely known.Ē Maybe itís not as widely known as one might think.

We would not be living in a real world if we thought we never had any fear. I have found that what would have been shocking and thrown me for a real loop five to eight years ago, I now am better able to absorb and handle. I don't think that I am desensitizing things (I hope not anyway) I think it is just experience, learning from past mistakes, and knowing how to handle things in a much improved way.

Then consider yourself a better person for changing for the better and no longer being consumed by pettiness and selfish gain.

One thing I do know: I do have a fear/dread of going bezerk/postal on conniving "office scorpions" who know nothing about HIV and how T-cell levels can drop due to stress/rage. I can't stomach the thought of losing T-cells because of vile office scorpions.

Ha, I always think of this kind of stuff on Monday mornings. Surprise, surprise.

I suppose this can go hand-in-hand with the "no hiding, no shame, no stigma, tell-everyone-and-their-grandma-even-at-work" thing.

So yes, if I go back to work I want to be seen as a dying man and yes I want special treatment. It might be an ugly thing to admit to, but it's how I feel. I have an incurable disease. How many HIV negative people can say that?