Wide Load – Conversations with Stella and Wiggles

Stella: I know you are going to talk about it, so I thought I would clear that up first.

Me: How did you know I was going to talk about it?

Stella: The way you and Tall Man have been looking down on Wiggles’ back the past couple of days.

Me: Was it that obvious?

Stella: Yes. And you telling him about how she is so wide that she blocks the door when you go to open it.

Me: Well, that’s not just her size. It’s her predisposition to ram her way through in front of everybody before I can get the door open.

Stella: Which she would be able to go through on a narrow opening if she weren’t so fat.

Me: Mmmm…maybe.

Wiggles: Are you gossiping about me?

Me: No…

Stella: Yes.

Wiggles: What are you saying about me?

Me: I am remembering what the vet said last spring about how we need to control your weight because you have been packing it on the past few years. I don’t want to be embarrassed the next time you see her simply because I haven’t been able to help you lose a little.

Wiggles: How do you lose weight?

Me: More exercise…

Wiggles: I get plenty of exercise. I run out to potty. Then I potty. Then I jump up on the sunshine table. Then I jump down. Then I run back inside and take a nap.

Me: That doesn’t really qualify as weight loss exercise.

Wiggles: What other thing can I do to lose weight, so you won’t be embarrassed in front of the vet lady?

Me: Eat a little less.

Wiggles: WHAT AN UGLY THING TO SAY, LADY HUMAN! HOW DARE YOU? I eat precisely what you give me!

Me: And anything you find on the floor. And whatever you can snoot up in the kitchen.

Wiggles: Hey, if it’s on the floor, I figure you dropped it for me. I don’t see you picking it up and eating it. Like you always say, WASTE NOT!