October 27, 2010

FAT BIGOTRY FROM MAURA KELLY AND MARIE CLAIRE

Shame, shame, shame on Marie Claire and especially on writer Maura Kelly, who affirmatively answers her own question in her fat-bashing "Should Fatties Get a Room (Even on TV)?" Kelly apparently feels she needs eyeball bleach after watching a show called Mike & Molly, which centers around a couple whose romance blossoms after an encounter at an OA meeting. I myself have never seen the show, but apparently it dares to present these obese people as --- can you believe it --- HAVING LIVES! Being in love! Kissing and stuff! How dare it show fat people as doing anything other than sitting on the couch stuffing their faces, being somebody's funny sidekick, or being rude and mean and miserable!

Kelly writes: "My initial response was: Hmm, being overweight is one thing — those people are downright obese! And while I think our country's obsession with physical perfection is unhealthy, I also think it's at least equally crazy, albeit in the other direction, to be implicitly promoting obesity!"

That's right. According to Kelly, showing fat people living normal lives is promoting obesity. She goes on to admit that it would indeed "gross her out" to see a very, very fat person just walk across the room, let alone make out on TV. But she's not a fat bigot, oh, no. She actually has some fat friends! Lucky them! And she'll even give you some nutrition and exercise advice, because as a recovering anorexic, she knows that "obesity is something most people have a ton of control over" (TON- get it? Ha ha!), and besides, we all know the reason you're fat is because you don't know a thing about dieting and exercise.

Well, Maura Kelly, as someone who was obese and still is overweight by BMI standards, as someone has had a great deal of hot dirty monkey sex while weighing over three hundred pounds, let me tell you what disgusts me. You disgust me, thoroughly. You think you're superior, that you have a better life, that you know more, that you're hipper and cuter and somehow more deserving just because you aren't fat. You think the fact that you aren't fat means that you are somehow qualified to give advice to people who are. You think that people who don't adhere to your own shallow standards should make every effort to live their lives out of your view, so as not to offend your delicate sensibilities. Furthermore, in your sad little Sex in the City sound-bite existence, you thought it was cute to write absolutely hateful words about it in a frothy little magazine article.You, madam, are the very definition of a bigot. An uneducated bigot, at that. But then, most bigots are uneducated about the focus of their bigotry.

Kelly does update her article with what seems to be a heartfelt apology, regretting her insensitivity and admitting that what she said was not productive. But it's too late: she's outed herself as a fat bigot, and an ignorant one at that.

The article has ignited a firestorm of responses, which I haven't the energy to read (I glanced at them; it's the usual mixture of hate mail addressed to the writer, bickering , and plenty more hate from the "Nyah Nyah Fatty" types). This post is my response, but I am also going to write Marie Claire, with which I am thoroughly disgusted. I always thought they were a cut above when it came to women's magazines, and this far from their finest hour.

This type of bigotry and public fat-bashing does a great deal of damage. We must call the bullies and the bigots out. Gay bullying has been in the news a lot lately, and there has been a marvelous campaign supporting GLBT youth, but where is the campaign for all the fat kids made miserable by bullying, which this type of article completely supports? NO bullying is acceptable.

We, who have chosen to battle our demons with food and eating, cannot take it to heart. Yes, call the bigots out, but recognize them for what they are: small people, riddled with their own insecurities and poverty of the soul. We can, quite literally and figuratively, be bigger than they; and one way to do that is to go on with our own lives and live well.

For me, that means pursuing my opera career, writing, and continuing to work hard on my physical fitness and health. I actually enjoy it. I enjoy pushing myself physically and mentally. I think that's one reason I love opera so much; it is an all-encompassing art form that demands everything from you, every last drop of your strength and talent and intelligence and humanity and training; and then it demands that you offer it to other people like some sort of holy sacrifice. But you receive your rewards tenfold.

I wish I had it in me to push myself physically the way my friend Robin Flynn does --- that's my aspiration. One day, I would love to run (or stumble, or crawl) a marathon, just to be able to say I'd done it. Having very concrete goals (and deadlines!) is very useful for --- well, any accomplishment you hope to achieve, but certainly in weight loss and in changing your fitness lifestyle.

I mentioned that there would be another challenge coming up, and so there shall. I'm going to give another couple of days for the 10x10-25 Challengers to report in, and for a roundup and announcement of the winner. Then I'll announce the next challenge. In the meantime, let's all be thinking about our next goals. What do we most need to do? What are the essential little steps to getting ther? What are we willing to do?

And last but not least, here's a challenge we can all undertake right away: give some thought to a bigot or bully you might encounter regularly in your life, or imagine meeting one by chance. How will you call that person out on their bigotry? How will you stand up for yourself, or someone else --- maybe someone you've never met? How will you help make bullying and bigotry of any kind as socially unacceptable as using the "n" word? That's what we have to do, folks, and it's an eminently achievable.

Comments

Reporting in on Cindy's Challenge #1: I joined a little late and wasn't able to do much as I have been sick with bronchitis and sinus issues. However, I somehow mangaged to lose five pounds! That loss is actually since Aug. 15 when I got sick. So, there is some benefit to illness and lack of appetite. I even had cookies for my birthday dessert in there.

Off topic with this thread, but Cindy, your mushroom soup broth soup with fire-roasted tomatoes has been a HUGE hit at my house. I bought tons more with lots of fresh veggies yesterday for more soup making.

This Marie Claire issue is hard to believe. Thanks for bringing it to our attention, Cindy. There is tremendous, often-hidden prejudice against people who are even somewhat larger.

Several weeks ago I was out with a friend who is in the healthcare field and who is very physically fit. This person was telling me that she has a bias against people who are overweight. She was telling me this while downing her fourth or fifth drink of the evening (I lost count).

This got me thinking about how fat people are in a similar position to LBGT people; they can't hide what other people are stigmatizing them for and so they are walking targets for the hostilities of strangers. But my friend can drink heavily and no one beyond her small personal circle will ever know it.

If I ever wrote science fiction, I might write about a society in which every socially stigmatized condition is equally visible. We could call it, "The Scarlet Alphabet."

I have to jump back in here...I am astonished, (to follow up on what Cindy said), by the complete tone-deafness of the editor (Joanna Coles). She really missed a great opportunity--if she would have responded with some intelligence and a little grace, she could have really changed how this thing is shaking out. It is all so disappointing. So long, Marie Claire!

We shouldn't cry over it, Rebecca ... actually, I think that every time a fat person has sex, they should text or email or comment on Maura Kelly's blog and inform her. "Oops! I did it again, Maura! Hubby and I just had some pretty delicious fat sex on the couch! There we go again, promoting obesity with our hot sex lives ..."

I am appalled by the statement. Why on earth would anyone think that to fat people cannot have love? Do she really believe fat people live in twin beds and have children by miraculous conception?

If anyone is promoting an unhealthy image to America, it is her very magazine. All those photoshop images are not real. Even the skinny and cute people are touched up to make skinnier and cuter. Ridiculous!

Princess, what's frustrating me most about this hullaballo is that Marie Claire and Maura Kelly are lapping it all up like cats with cream. I've always liked the magazine but I am so disappointed with this stance (and editor Joanna Coles' support of the article) that I am boycotting Marie Claire from now on. I'm canceling my subscription and writing to tell them why.

Melissa, I am so thrilled for you! I'm glad you found a way to make the food plan work for you and you have a great mantra. Keep up the good work!

Cindy, your letter to Marie Claire was simply extraordinary. Thank you! You are one heck of a writer!

It's been a while since I commented...but I would like to say I was inspired by your challenge. I got on board really late...

One thing that you frequently recommend and talk about is the concept and practice of making a food plan (and keeping a log). So, when the craving strikes...hmmmm...it's not on my plan...but if I really want it, I will plan for it...and maybe have it tomorrow.) Well, stubborn old me likes to say "I just can't do food-plans". (Knocking my head on the wall right now). Your challenge inspired me. And guess what? I am for the first time in my life working with a food plan, and it is working! (I thought I was the only person on the planet constitutionally unfit to follow a plan). Now, at this stage, I am sticking to it, and it is really helping!! I have always struggled with over-eating.

One more thing that is helping me. And I did not come up with this saying..but I read it recently (as it related to something else) and it really resonated with me as far as eating goes.

"Enough is good enough".

Knowing when to stop, and the idea that I really can have more of this food or whatever another day has been a struggle for me. So, I remind myself that "enough is good enough". This has been a mantra of mine. (hey, that would go good on a bracelet!)

Thank you, Cindy, for sharing your journey with us. You have really given me some great tools, And hearing how you deal with situations and what you say in your own head is extraordinarily helpful to me..and others.

I am feeling really pissed at that beeyoth right now and, contrary to my normal kind, loving, peaceful and super happy disposition, I hope God zaps that bigot with a hugely rare glandular disorder that makes her 500 pounds. Let her see the other side for a few decades.

I watched the debut of that show. It was really sweet how he was shy and they were at the OA meeting and self-conscious. REally sweet.

And lots of us fat folks find love and that's REAL LOVE, not just bumping pelvises cause you're hot on a Friday night at some bar. Real love and great sex. i'm 252 lbs, and I have sex bout 4x a week and would do it DAILY if life didn't intrude. :) Hubby is hot, tall, normal weight, and he found me beautiful at 300 lbs and 150 lbs.

So, I'm telling "I hate fat people Maura" to go out into the street and take a look at the reality. Americans are not represented properly by Hollywood. We're not all Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitts. We're a nation full of fatties, and if tv wants to be realistic, then it needs to show that.

Good thing I'm not sitting across that woman. I'd throw my protein shake in her bigot face.

More than once, I was hit on by muscle men (mostly for booty calls). I finally asked what the fascination was. One of the guys rather sheepishly told me that he just really enjoyed feeling a soft, curvy body next to his. He liked the contrast!
Maura Kelly's shallow little universe would probably implode if she saw that...