Gas Fumes and Perfumes: Modifications of Custody Involving Teenagers

While in court recently on a child custody modification, a chancellor was remarking on how difficult teenagers can be when they are smelling “both gas fumes and perfumes.” While also an attempt to break the tension in the room and to help the parties relax, the judge’s words evidenced how tough implementing a visitation schedule on a headstrong teenager with a driver’s license can be. In this particular case, the question posed to one of the parties was “what happens when the child doesn’t listen?”

This was an interesting question that different chancellors will approach in their own ways. A judge stated to me once that if a child did not want to attend a visitation with their parents, the judge would take their cell phone. Cell phones are life to many teenagers, and this judge found taking them away to be an extremely effective way to promote obedience of a court order.

What happens when a teenager really does not care about their phone? In the “gas fumes and perfumes” case, the child there was a lover of the outdoors who spent his time with 4-H and fishing, and did not really care if they had a cell phone or not. The judge in that case recognized this and posed the question of “what then?” Do we hogtie him and take him to the visitation? Throw him in jail? Hard labor? These questions become more difficult to answer when dealing with a teenager who is entering an exciting and confusing time of their lives.

Teenagers are notorious for doing the exact opposite of what they are told to do. It is simply in their nature. However, court orders are still court orders. They should be followed by whatever parties bound and should have consequences if not followed. The difficulty with teenagers is finding some way to punish them that will actually work. People of that age often do not have the funds to pay a fine, and if we threw every disobedient teenager into jail, we would have to build a million jails!

The biggest way to help facilitate teenage obedience of court orders regarding visitation seems to be communication. As a parent, the best thing to do is to talk about these visitation times with a teenager. Make them feel like it is something they want to do, rather than must do. Make them feel as though they are going to a second home and not a vacation. Teenagers want to have their concerns fall on ears that are listening. Striking a balance between parent and friend will help facilitate a teenager’s obedience with a court order, and to make sure that they won’t get in the car and drive off every time they want to act counter to that order.

Written by Kenneth B. Davis, Associate Attorney at the Law Office of Matthew S. Poole.