Planet of the Apes

Written by Rawrb on August 20th 2001

I hate monkey jokes. I won't bother with stupid monkey jokes by putting them in this review description. It's monkey time! ...shit.

About a year ago I heard about the remake of the Planet of the Apes movie. What bothered me more was the fact that it wasn't a remake - more of a revisit. I never saw the very first Apes movie, but it don't mattah. I just remember seeing some stupid clips from the older version of Planet of the Apes, and they look dumb and stuff.

Marky Mark (the lead character, which I can't even remember his screen name), also known as Mark Walhberg (spell?), plays some Air Force guy in a space colony thing. Wait a minute - Air Force? There's no AIR in space! So what should they have called it then? ...Force? I know this is something stupid to point out, with me being picky and all, but really - the AIR Force? In space? Oh wait, maybe they got that from having to travel through some air to get to space. Yeah, and I guess it's easier to say, "Air," rather than, "Space." Makes perfect sense now.

So anyway, Marky Mark has a monkey buddy (a Chimp to be exact) that was genetically engineered to be smart and better than normal monkeys. Along with other breeds of monkeys, also genetically enhanced, they explore and reseach thingys in space that are weird. The reason why they have monkeys doing stuff is so that they don't sacrifice human life to fly into something stupid - which is mean, because monkeys are all funny and humans are not. But, they don't see this the same way I do, so they use the monkeys as "test rats" to fly into the weird thingys in space.

I won't go into detail more without killing the plot, because the plot is good.

Stupid Plot Guys!

Now, I have to admit that the whole script ended up really well done. Everything flowed well, along with the execution of the hostility of the Apes treating the humans as slaves. Those costumes and make up effects on the apes were very well done, having many different species of Apes hobbling around and smelling each other's asses. There's a lot of dry humor flowing around with the 'now you Humans are the Apes' theme that gives the comic relief plenty of substance. My only complaint was the villian, which was a big chimp. He kind of 'over-acted' his part, snarling and grunting between every word he spoke. Like, "I *snarl* need to *grunt* pee and *snarl* stuff!" It got to the point where I was very sick of that character near the end of the movie.

Well, there is something I must point out here, which I usually do with every movie. There is the chick, which this time happens to be a tall, leggy blonde beauty. My mom was there with me watching the movie (she came into town for the weekend for a visit) and said, "Rob, you need to date a girl that looks like that." My Mom is very smart and wise and stuff. As soon as I find out who that blonde chick was, she's our next Pluhbabe. Heh heh!

All in all, you might like this movie if you like weird sci-fi flicks. Problem with it is, the movie's focus seemed to be on the makeup and effects, not the storyline and flow of the movie. Guess you gotta see it to understand.