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My Useless VHS Collection

For what possible reason do I have to keep a collection of the 1987 series Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles VHSs? They are not collector’s items, so they are worth no more than a few dollars a piece and can even be found for as little as 99 cents. Every single episode has been collected in a digital format that takes up way less space and has better audio and video. I even have the digital media files on a hard drive connected to a streaming device. I can even find it on YouTube, but the catch here is that you have to find a way to adjust the aspect ratio as they are often uploaded in 16:9 and the turtles are already short and stout enough as it is. Owning these tapes also requires that I keep a bulky VCR and if I’m being truthful, I have a backup VCR in a closet. I don’t know how much more I have to say to prove my point. These things are useless. So, why do I keep them and why do I watch them?

This also may seem pointless at first, but I am always in possession of a good old fashioned cathode ray tube television, or CRT TV for short. My excuse for the TV is simply that watching a 4:3 show on my modern widescreen TV means that the image is smaller since it doesn’t fill the screen, so my old 4:3 TV gives me a larger picture. That’s at least kind of a plus right? I mean, my old tv won’t take the HDMI cable for my streaming devices, so if I want to see the show and not have squint, I must play them on a device that’ll hook up to my old TV. And since I already own the VHSs, why pay for a DVD? There’s an almost valid excuse right? The TV is also required for playing original Nintendo games with the Zapper or Powerglove since neither technology works without a CRT, so there is another excuse for the TV.

I knew the answer to the question before I started writing this last week, but I was curious if I would maybe learn something new or make up something that sounds a little more valid. I’m half sold on the wanting to see a larger image though… I keep them because of the near useless feeling of nostalgia. Chasing that feeling is what drives me to hold onto 30 year old tapes I got from Burger King and small town defunct department stores and as recently as last year have spent my hard earned adult dollars on ones I find at thrift stores. I do this so I can sit in my living room floor and be transported back by the distorted audio of a worn out tape and the warm glow that only a cathode ray tube can provide. This is therapeutic. Much like guided meditation or being hypnotized and it doesn’t cost you $150 an hour. Sure, I could be doing something productive like listing my TMNT Volume 4 collection on eBay and making money, but we all know that I’d use that money to buy more Ninja Turtles comics or more worn out tapes. I could even be spending that time consuming new media. Paid streaming sites have so much to offer. If I wanted to do these things I would. But I’d rather sit on the floor with a pizza and an expired Ecto-Cooler and watch Ninja Turtles.