Raise your right hand and repeat after me: I, state your name, will never willingly utter any variation of this MacArthur remark, because saying something this boring and stupid just demonstrates that the gulf that separates me from being a genius is quite vast.

The story of a Brazilian man who died after performing the role of Judas in the Passion of the Christ inspired writer Ian Belknap to think about this story as a performance piece gone inspirationally wrong.

Before we get to today’s interview, I thought you might enjoy checking out this fun discussion at the A.V. Club about the worst Christmas songs. Also, soak in the football this weekend because your Cleatus the Football Robot Fan Fiction entries are due Monday at noon.

Samantha Irby is the indefatigable blogger behind Bitches Gottta Eat and Irby and Ian, a collaboration with Write Club misanthrope Ian Belknap. Since she takes guff from nobody, her return to the Machete is highly anticipated.1.

Surly but studious Ian Belknap is The Paper Machete's official Dean of Mean. He's also the host of the hit spoken-word show WRITE CLUB at the Hideout; the next show is Tuesday September 27 at 7 pm. We've asked him to play 5 Machete questions. 1.