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COUNSELOR'S CORNER: When a little cussin' helps

My Uncle Jim has no idea what an impact he had on me when I was about 10. It’s time I let him know.

I had not seen him for a few years, and he was in town for a visit with my grandparents.

I don’t remember the details of our conversation, but I do remember Uncle Jim sitting at my grandparents’ kitchen table. I said something to him – I don’t remember what – and he looked up, made eye contact, and replied to my comment with a smile and a normal tone of voice.

I got irate about things most people don’t even notice. There weren’t any molehills in my yard because I made sure they all grew into mountains.

And one of those mountains had to do with the way grown-ups talk to kids.

I’m not referring to baby talk here. I don’t have any trouble with baby talk, when it’s directed at babies. (An irritable baby might feel otherwise, but a lot of child development experts now believe baby talk is actually good for language development.)

But what used to get me furious was that condescending voice used by so many adults when addressing children — that dismissing, insincere sounding tone.

The voice that said things like, “How are YOU today? Are you having FUN? What a pretty dress – where did you get such a pretty DRESS? My, how you have GROWN!”

Etcetera.

When I reached 12 or 13, fewer and fewer adults were still carrying on like that.

It was one of the great reliefs of my life.

But at age 10, getting that kind of respect was rare, but Uncle Jim knew how to give it.

I still love him for that.

But as I grew into adulthood and began observing human behavior more and more, I made a disturbing discovery.

If I lived long enough, I realized, I was going to have to fight the same battle all over again.

Because I became aware that many people address older adults with almost the same tone of voice I used to hear as a child.

Only this time, I wasn’t the only one fertilizing the molehills. Lots of people are becoming aware of the condescending, patronizing voice we sometimes use when addressing older people.

In fact, they’ve even given it a name: Elderspeak.

Elderspeak can be defined as “a way of communicating to older people by using a slow rate of speaking, simplified sentences, a simple vocabulary, and exaggerated stress on certain words, all indicating the assumption that their age makes them intellectually impaired.”

The same way some people talk to kids.

Long before I knew Elderspeak had a name, I began brainstorming about how to combat this new insult if I live long enough for it to come along.

And it crossed my mind that a little bit of cursing might not hurt.

To my surprise, I discovered at least one other professional who makes the very same recommendation.

Ellen Kirschman, a 68-year-old California psychologist, said she sometimes throws in a few profanities when she suspects she is being stereotyped on the basis of age.

“A little bit of sharpness seems to help,” she says.

There is something gratifying about knowing someone else has suggested that a few cusswords might remind the world that you are a reasonable human being, at any age.

It’s an option I didn’t have as that irritable 10-year-old who discovered a treasure in her Uncle Jim. (I never did like the taste of soap in my mouth.)

Julia Cochran is a licensed professional counselor in Rincon. She can be reached at 912-772-3072 or by email at JCochranPhD@GileadCounseling.com.