Question: Do I follow my fleeting huge attraction or my comfortable, unfulfilled but good life?

Thank you for your question.It appears that you have an Indian background, where typically marriages are arranged and there is a negative stigma with being divorced. Here goes the small print before we start: Ahnanda does not give advice. Ahnanda only shares.

Clarity is brought through inner honesty. The mind does not know about inner honesty. The mind knows about compliance, convenience, tradition, among other things. Inner honesty is felt. We could choose to hear that and go for it (that is the hard part, to learn to listen without interference of the mind) and accepting all consequences. That will bring us a type of experience.We could choose to ignore that inner feeling and go for the “Do what I am supposed to do” and also, accept the consequences. Which path is “better” ? None. It just depends who you ARE. Be honest with that.That is the “clarity” that you were looking for.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you speak with your husband and let him know frankly, about the huge attraction that you feel for someone else? AND wouldn’t it be fantastic if your husband let you go with your attraction and allow you to come back to him if you wish since you have with him a “good life” already? Would that make you happy? Satisfied?Many times, marriage turns into a license to possess another, but if we decided to play that game, we may need to play it until we call it quits. Don’t you think? You don’t mention if you have children. I am assuming you don’t.

Are you willing to give everything up for that attraction, not knowing how long it will last? Are you willing to stay stuck in a relationship without feeling fulfilled but comfortable? Rest assured that at least 90% of people have to answer that question at one point of their married lives.

What do you use as compass for your own Life? What do you believe is your purpose?That is the important question, for that will bring you direction, clarity. Feel it.

In a previous article I shared what my friend Mathias mentioned about attraction:” Attraction brings a collision. It is like a magnet. When that magnet attracts another object, a collision is unavoidable. Attraction has the ability to make someone lose their own essence. A “Life walker” does not reject attraction. He simply observes it in himself, smiles at the scene and continues on, not forgetting his life purpose. When a “Life walker” forgets his purpose for a few days, then that attraction will distract his mind, then his thoughts and his feelings will deepen that attraction.”

You have not mentioned if the other person feels the same for you. If you don’t know, then your mind is fantasizing. If you know he does, then are you willing to take the chance? It may work or it may not. You may be more miserable and your mind will make sure to complain about that later and blame your situation to someone else. But perhaps, you will be satisfied to follow that huge attraction. However, rest assured that something else will not go as you expect it. Guaranteed.

What do you want out of Life?Children? Sexual fulfillment? Romantic love? Let that be your compass. Once you know, allow for Life to show you the path and be willing to accept it for that is what your heart desires: That experience.

Observe that you did not go with what you felt when you decided to get married. It may be that you accepted a tradition or your family pushed you into it; however; learn about the consequences of going with something which we do not feel 100% sure, although our conditioned mind may tell us that it is “best for us.”

Finally, know that there is a difference between feeling from the gut and the heart vs. an emotional outbreak like an attraction. In the world of duality you cannot have it all. That is the dream that many have bought into.Don’t follow your dreams. That is conditioned utopia. Follow your compass, your purpose. Not what the mind tells you, but what you feel from the heart without distortion from emotions or mind games.

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A suggestion to the girl –
A close relative of mine who was living abroad, fell in love with another relative of mine who was not married at that time. She had two young kids and was well settled in life. After a few months, when the ‘boy’ was going back to India, she also decided to follow him deserting her husband and kids. She had plans to get back her kids once she settled well in her ‘new’ life.
When the husband realised that she was missing, he alerted all the relatives and friends. The girl and the boy traveled separately, she stayed with another relative after arriving in India. But she soon realised what kind of life she was going to face in future. She called us, but could not reveal her whereabouts. It was always one way, she would call from a public booth and we could not call her back.
After some persuation from others, she had decided to get back to her husband. Her husband took her back as she had not yet ‘joined the other boy’. But, as a consequence of this, her husband banned her speaking to any relative except for one aunt in India. She was asked to stay home and not to take up any job. Nearly after 2 decades, she was allowed to mix with all of us. Another draw back she still has is – many of our relatives and friends look down upon her and she carefully avoids meeting them. She has paid a very heavy price for her ‘thoughtless actions’. By nature she is a very sweet girl, she used to feel very homesick as none of her relatives could meet her there and she was not capable of meeting relatives in India out of shame.
And we are very sure that she would not have lived happily with the boy she wanted to elope with; we know that person very well.
Attraction to people makes us to ignore all the aspects of a situation. It is good to love the person that we live with rather than take a chance and try to live with some other person. Do we know the other person very well? How do we evaluate a person who tries to grab some one else’s spouse?
Please consider all the points i wrote. All the best!