Two Truths and a Lie: The Blogging Version

One of my favourite party games is Two Truths and a Lie. This could explain why I’m never invited to A-list parties, or even F-list ones.

If you’re not familiar with Two Truths and a Lie, it works like this. One person offers three statements about herself, one of which is false. The other players then guess which statement they believe is a lie.

Two Truths and a Lie always results in bizarre stories being shared, and it pretty much always goes sideways, drifting into PG-13 or R territory.

I’ll try to polish my halo for this post, though.

Your job is to see if you can guess which one is the lie in each sequence below.

Here we go:

Teen Years

I home-dyed my hair red, but it turned burnt orange.

I used a coat hanger to zip up my tight jeans.

I lined up overnight to get John Cougar Mellencamp tickets.

Meeting Pro Athletes

I waltzed with a professional football player.

I babysat for a professional hockey player.

I dated a Team Canada volleyball player.

Parenting Lows

I sobbed right after parented music classes.

I drank alcohol right after parented music classes.

I swore right after parented music classes.

In the comments, guess the lies. Also, if you feel so inclined, please leave your own set of three statements, and I (and maybe other readers) will try to guess which one is the lie.

My guess for the lies: 1(b), 2(a), 3(a). If it turns out that you really waltzed with a professional football player, I think we need a post on that came to pass. And I don’t know what parented music classes are, but I’m surprised that you waited until after it was over to start drinking. Unless that’s the lie.

1) C Oh, geez, John Mellencamp? I hope this is the lie. If it isn’t, I’m sorry? 2) C Canada has volleyball? When did this abomination happen? 3) B I really want this one to be true, and I don’t know why, which scares me.

This sounds like an awesome game to play this weekend at the writer’s conference. I can only imagine the lies we’ll come up with!

Have I finally found someone whose dislike of those #$%! music classes equals mine? Have you told anyone this before and do they look at you like they do me–with the pity of someone who knows how much better of a mother they are? I still have flashbacks. (And I’m going with A, C, A.)

My next humor column in The Calgary Herald is on music lessons. Ironically, I’m good friends with my kids’ teacher and she reads my blog (and posts it on her music page!). She gets sarcasm, thankfully. She also gets my kids, thankfully.

Here’s my shot at it from my growing up years: 1. I punched a boy I liked in the nose and broke it. 2. I rode the school bus with Shaun Suisham, who now plays for the Pittsburgh Steelers in the NFL. 3. I owned a pet spider named Molly.

Hehe. #1 is actually true, but it was an accident. I didn’t mean to hit him or to break his nose, and I felt terrible after. #2 is also true. Shaun and I grew up just down the street from each other and went to school together. He took our high school to their first football championship since the 60s, and then got a football scholarship to Bowling Green and went from there to the NFL. His parents and my parents still live in the same neighborhood, and he comes back to our hometown every summer to teach footballs camps for the kids. #3 is the lie. I’m terrified of spiders 🙂

Yes, you are right! (They oughta shoot those mothers, stay tuned for an incoming blog on this subject!) Ok, I did indeed dance on a bar top wilth MJ Fox. It was at Walter Payton’s bar in downtown Chicago back in my heyday (and his, for that matter). I was with a gaggle of girlfriends in mini skirts and heels, and he was with a groupie of guys, and we passed on the sidewalk. They immediately turned around and followed us to the bar, and we all had a night to remember! I think I called MJ Fox a midget, but in a totally non-drunk offensive way. I remember him laughing! He was quite the good dancer, must have been all those skateboard moves. A good memory.

Gonna go A,C, C for this one, but they are educated guesses. Here goes:

a) I once traveled through a snowstorm to see Ted Raimi in a play…in Detroit. b) I once hawked my late grandmother’s pearl necklace to go to a Bruce Campbell appearance…in College Station. c) I once lied about having a sprained knee to get better seats at the Lord of the Rings Symphony…in Nashville.

1. I am completely horrified of swimming in ponds. 2. I fed my niece and nephew plenty of items their mother asked me not to due to their non-organic nature. 3. I hold three part time jobs so I can spend more time home with my daughter and still turn the lights on.

The Spiritual Edition: 1. I impressed a Buddhist monk during a lesson on meditation in Thailand. 2. I was on my high school youth group’s worship team. 3. I accidentally offended a Catholic priest and was kicked out of a funeral.

I met Michael on the grounds of the CNE Midway in Toronto. We were both young (I was 15, he was 13, I think) and he was wandering around with his brothers, going on all the rides, unencumbered by security or hordes of fans or anything like that, just having a good time before their show. We just stopped and chatted, like two excited kids, about all the rides and things to do and whether or not he was going to go on the Mighty Flyer. Of course I knew who he was, but he seemed like a regular kid. I got his autograph and a photo (long since lost, unfortunately. My mother had a habit of cleaning out “old junk” on a regular basis. I’m still hoping they’ll turn up tucked in a book.) I met Princess Diana and Prince Charles at a BBQ in Ottawa and we exchanged pleasantries. I worked for Trudeau’s principal secretary and through that connection, ended up with an invitation. It was June 21st, 1983, Prince William’s first birthday, but he was back home in the UK. She was incredibly beautiful, and had this undeniable presence, but she was also the saddest woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. Pam

Wow. What stories, Pam! When Michael was a normal kid…if only he could have stayed that way. And Princess Diana. I met Prince Charles when he and Diana visited Queen’s for the university’s sequicentennial. He was hilarious and knew a ton about architecture.

C is true. It’s a horrible, horrible French film that was filmed in a little town outside of where I lived as a teenager. I was 16 or 17 at the time. It was so bad that I never finished watching it, so I don’t even know if I actually appear in the film. Too Much Flesh with Jean-Marc Barr, Elodie Bouchez, and Rosanna Arquette. I can’t believe my parents let me be in it based on the subject matter. My parents did the cleaning and laundry for the cast and crew, so we had Rosanna Arquette’s panties in our house. Cute, cotton, tiny undies.

I am copying Renee’s answers (is that allowed? First rule I learned as a lawyer is if you don’t know the answer, know how to find the answer, LOL): c b c.

OK, here is my stuff. 1. I left college to pursue a writing career and ended up selling cars instead. 2. I am circumspect about paying my bills on time, and I love poodles (especially white ones). 3. I got arrested for smoking weed . . . out of an apple.

My three: A. When I was four years old, I snuck out of the house after my bath and rode my bike around the block, naked. B. I have read every book in the Hardy Boys series. C. I once broke my nose in a bizarre high jumping incident.

Good one, Leanne! So hard to figure which of these is a lie, but I’ll go for it. I’m going to go with A, A, and A for you as lies.

Here are mine: 1. I led a student revolution in sixth grade that resulted in an extra recess and seconds on rolls in the lunch room. 2. I smuggled information out of East Germany during the Cold War by pretending to be a stupid, blonde dancer with a visiting troupe. 3. I productively misspent my youth with argyle-clad actors, hairy bikers, charming spooks, and a drop-dead gorgeous outlaw known as “The Admiral.”

Good luck! Mind if I borrow this idea for my blog? With credit to you, of course. 🙂

You are correct. That lie is based on a story my fellow dancer and writer Kathleen Redwine told me about a visit of hers to East Berlin. She didn’t smuggle anything, but she certainly could have as a pretty, blonde dancer.

I had a feeling I might be way off base. I really had no idea. I’m better at this game in person. Trust me. But I prepared myself for failure by setting you up for the same. For I’ve gone all Princess Bride on you my dear. All three of my options are, wait for iiiiitttttt, true.

Here’s my list: 1. I broke alternatively my left leg and right arm, and a few years later my right leg and left arm. 2. I used to have 6 wisdom teeth but got 2 pulled out, now i have 4 above and 0 below. 3. I didn’t understand how autoreverse works until 14, that’s one of the reasons why I used to rewind both side B and A after listening to a tape on my walkman (the other reason is i’m an idiot).

First guess is right (thanks for believing in my idiocy, means a lot :D) , second guess is wrong! The lie is n. 1, my bones are intact, woohoo! Now let me jump around for joy and break my ankle. I had x-ray doctors (dunno how to call them) laughing at me when I stated “I need x-rays to check my extra wisdom teeth”. They didn’t laugh after seeing the x-rays thou.