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Saturday, September 22, 2007

Because we had over 800 comments on my "You Mean I Only Have to Cook Once a Week?" post, I've selected eight winners. When I first started this Blook Tour, I figured I'd write everyone's name down on a piece of paper and draw the names out of a hat. Well, that was before 800 of you left comments! So instead of writing down 800 names, I used the highly scientific method of scrolling up and down through the comments with my eyes closed. After a few seconds of scrolling, I stopped, opened my eyes, and wrote down the name showing on my screen. I did this eight times which is how I arrived at the winning recipients of Trish's book.

Ok the moment you've all been waiting for :::::::drumroll::::::: Here are the names of the eight winners of the Blook Tour! They will each receive a copy of Trish Berg's The Great American Supper Swap!

In no particular order....ErinMeganSusanCallieAnn MarieLeslieAliceKristen

Separate emails were just sent to your email addresses. Congratulations and good luck on starting your own supper swapping groups! Trish has answered many questions in the comments section of this post. If you have additional questions for Trish, please feel free to visit her at her website and ask away!

Thank you to everyone who participated and left a comment!

I know I didn't update last night, but I have a good excuse reason. I actually went out with a friend. No husbands, no kids, just my oldest friend. Well, she's not really old. She's the same age as I. And I am definitely not old. I've just known her the longest. I remember making her laugh and getting her, and a couple other students who sat near me, in trouble back in high school. Ahhh good times, good times.

Anyway, as I was saying, one of my best friends on earth, Jen, and I went out to eat last night. We did really well too. We talked at length and didn't mention diapers even once during our conversation. Neither of us felt compelled to cut the other's entree into bite size pieces and we never told one another, "Finish your drink, a napkin is not a toy, or don't chew with your mouth open." We did very well being Jen and Dawn instead of just "Mom" and "Mom". All was wonderful until a little kid came running by our table and Jen nearly reached out to grab him and tell him to settle down until she remembered that he was not her child and she was out for the evening alone.

I thought of getting all philosophical about how we parents sometimes forget the people we were pre-kids and become "So & So's Mom" or "So & So's Dad". I was going to sing the importance of retaining some of you, the person. I was going to warn against becoming only you, the mom. I know the experts say to take a class, take up a hobby, learn a new skill, get out and exercise, make a little time, every day, for you. However, in the real world, I also know it's sometimes impossible. For those with tight finances, it's usually not affordable to just "take a class" or buy supplies for your hobby. For those whose spouse works long hours or is deployed, how are you supposed to find time to go to the gym or even read a book some days? And is it really so horrible to put your life on hold, so to speak, to become so & so's mother? So & so will only be little for a short while. You've got your whole life ahead of you to take up skydiving, poker, knitting, painting, tennis, or whatever it is you want to do. Just a thought.

Ok, back to my story. So I went out to eat with my best friend, Jen and after dinner, I went back to her home to borrow their video camera. So I'm sitting there talking to Jen, her husband, 3 boys, and 1 daughter. I'm not sure who started it, but suddenly the conversation turned to butts. (As you'll recall from a previous post, "butt" is the funniest word in the English language.) However, it's not just funny in English, as I learned from these guys.

"Dad, how do you say "butt" in Polish?Dad answers, but I've forgotten what the word was. Apparently it was hilarious though as the boys all started parroting "butt" in Polish.

Butt, butt, butt, butt.

Jen looks at me, rolls her eyes and says, "I'm here all day with the kids trying to teach them not to say stuff like that. He comes home and in mere seconds has them being obnoxious in foreign languages."

And we're in Chicago. Chicago has the second highest concentration of Polish people next to Poland. Someone is bound to understand what they're saying in school come Monday. Gee, thanks Dad!

The hole Clay dug into his wall.

The instrument of destruction. Thankfully it was a safety nightlight, or I can only imagine what he would have done with the screwdriver. In fact, I'm actually pretty surprised he didn't try to unscrew the nightlight. Oh and where did he even get the screwdriver? Out of my middle son's tool box in the garage, of course.

Do not adjust your monitors. Yes, she really does have a white beard. Diaper cream - it's not just for butts anymore.

Brooklyn's artwork. Markers have a way of multiplying in my house. For every Sharpie I toss out, two more appear, much like the Hydra fought by Hercules. Thankfully this came right off with a diaper wipe.

And the Piece de resistance, the banana peel found in my car today. The only way I knew it was a banana peel was from the Chiquita sticker. Ok, this trend of finding food is getting embarrassing, quite frankly. I can understand the occasional fruit snack in the couch cushions, cracker under the chair, wrapper behind the dresser, and French fry on the floor of my car, but this is ridiculous. My wonderful husband cleaned out my van today. He filled the tires with air, the tank with gas, and he washed it inside and out. I'd like to say this disgusting banana was all he found, but alas he found enough nasty, moldy fruit to cover Carmen Miranda's head. I think I may have to put locks on the fridge and cabinets.

121 comments:

Dawn, You are simply fabulous! I just love the way you make the obnoxious things my three boys do seem funny. Thank you so much for giving me perspective on this motherhood job and for helping me feel less guilty and overwhelmed. You are also a terrific writer and I look forward to the release of your book!

Ok, I have been reading your blog (my very first one ever :D ) for a little over a week now. And I have to THANK YOU for making me laugh everyday. My husband is deployed right now and it's hard to be in a state thousands of miles away from my entire support system and still laugh. I really enjoy being my so&so's mom too ;)

About the food your kids leave behind, a have an easy solution: a dog. We had one until my boys were 3½ and 1½. I knew he would wait for the sandwich to thrown on the ground, I knew he would never just take it from the kids. He may have begged but the boys were selfish enough not give if they wanted to eat it themselves. So that was all right with me.It wasn’t until he was (suddenly) gone that I found out how much discarded food he was taking care of, how much mess he had been taking care of. A lot!

So funny. My son, too, has used a screwdriver to put a hole in the wall in his freshly-painted room. Apparently he needed a 'hanger' in his room. He stuck something metal in the hole he made to hang things on.

I guess I shouldn't punish my little Bob Vila. He was merely solving a problem, right? He had a need, and he found a solution!

According to my Polish grandmother (who is now deceased, so I can't check with her), the Polish word for butt is "dupka." According to my husband (who also had a Polish set of grandparents), the word is "dupa."

It is pretty sad that despite having grandparents and great grandparents that spoke Polish fluently, the only word that I learned was "butt."

You go girl! You deserve a night out! About the mom identity thing...I have decided after years of being jealous of those moms who get to go out on a regular basis...it's not all it's cracked up to be. I love being so and so's mom. That's why I had the monsters, I mean lovely children in the first place. To be their mom and I love it. And, I too find strange food like substances everywhere in our house and car even though no food is allowed out of the kitchen. :) I think I posted earlier that I found two, yes two, jars of peanut butter under my daughters bed...complete with crackers and a butter knife. Old string cheese is lovely too...hard as a rock! Ok, enough rambling. Thanks again for making us laugh and for keeping us somewhat sane. Let me know if your girls need "princessy" halloween costumes. I'd be happy to create something for you.

Aaah... marker multiplication. If not for that the world would be a much less decorated place. My kids can find a marker any time, any place... and just like yours they then save the spot they found it in by leaving food... cause we never feed them so its best to have a stash somewhere just in case.

Actually, according to the Polish people I rented ATVs to this summer, up in Central Wisconsin, there are now officially MORE Polish people in the Chicago area (Including the 'burbs) than there are in Poland (the ENTIRE country!) It made me grateful to live in a country where I am free to complain about things, but no matter how bad it is, I have no particular compulsion to leave it. God Bless you, Dawn. Your attitude and sense of humor are amazing. I have days that I can barely tolerate the two I have, and they're 14 years apart! I can't imagine maintaining my humor with your brood!

Dawn, you inspire me. I live in Bangladesh (a tiny country next to India) and work for the U.S. Embassy. I have a blog, which I post on so sporadically that I think people have stopped checking it. I'm not a mom. All of these factors tell me one thing: I need to get off my lazy behind and be more like you! After all, if you can update your blog 5x/week surely I can do the same! Thanks for sharing your great sense of humor - your are amazing.

The LAST thing you need to be is embarassed about the petrified fruit! I only have one kid (trust me, I'm NOT complaining *LOL*) and between her and the stupid cat (her co-conspiritor) there have been so many instances of "Eww- gross.. what in the..?!? OH MY GOD!" in this house, I could send a collection of 'food artifacts' the size of a small country to Ripley's Believe it or not. *L*See, my kid is still in the phase of 'lets put everything in our mouth', and the cat doesn't help this by dragging out above mentioned petrified foods. Because normally where I find these hardened 'jewels'- is in her mouth. Yummy! :-) *LOL*Yey for a Mommy's night out! Glad you enjoyed yourself!!*hug!* You have GOT to let us know when that book come out! (And when you'll be on TV!)

I will apologize now for this long comment. BUT, I have to share. My big red truck (Ford Expedition) had a terrible terrible smell. When I finally had a day to investigate I started raking. I got to the backseat and found a stuffed animal backpack. When I picked it up I nearly passed out. The smell literally threw me backwards. After thought I remembered a week before I went out one morning to find a door open. They all pile out but, the last one always forgets to close the door. Anyway, my deduction is a neighbor cat must have made our vehicle his home for the night, the backpack his bed and my truck his potty. I have worked over time every week with cleaners, scrubs, you name it. Thankfully the West Texas sun didn't get as hot this summer as it's been known to. The smell has subsided. I routinely purchase those little trees and hang them from the parking brake, seatbelt loops, stuff them under seats. I love your Blog. It is so nice to know that the next time my Mother is grossed out sweeping a petrified moldy mushy apple out from under the display in the dining room, I can think to myself, Dawn had a banana in the van! Ok, I know my spelling and grammer are horrific. I don't have time to reread and try to correct. For some reason I feel I had better get ready for church.God Bless. Stay Strong.Amy from the Herd

Good for you...getting out! You are so right about the "so & sos" only being around a short time in our lives, but it is also good to remember to keep in touch with best friends, be they old or new. Our "sisters" are the walls that support us, the infectious, grab your belly "I gotta pee", stress-releasing comedians (like you), the shoulders we cry upon, and for some of us, the moms we miss so dearly.

This is what is so awesome about your blog! You have generations of women (and men) who have been brought together by you sharing yourself with us. Some have experience and wisdom to offer, others are going through it all with you now, and the "newbies" can look forward to so many "wonderful" moments. Thank you.

It isn't a new idea, but babysitting co-ops are a great way of finding some time for oneself at little or no expense. I found the group I joined to be my saving grace.

Actually there are two words that I know of in Polish for "butt". One is said like "poh-poh" which means more like the American usage of “fanny”. The second is "dupa" which is the less than nice version. Let me guess it was the second one.

In second and third generation Polish descendents of immigrants, the only things that seem to be passed down in the Polish language are the words for food and swears.

I enjoy your posts immensely. I have 4 children myself. Three of whom were adopted from Poland 3 years ago. So our family went from being a family of 3 to a family of 6 overnight. People are stunned when they find out what we did. They ask us what is it like to do that.

I often say our life is like a sitcom or a movie of the week. Folks say, “Wow, you should write a book about your experiences”. And to that I always say “Will you mind the kids, so I can write a chapter or two?” So far no takers. *Sigh* That’s too bad since I've already picked who will play my husband and myself on the big screen. (Scott Bakula and Caroline Rhea)

I'm simply amazed that you are able to find to post as much as you do as a stay at home mother of 6. It is only now that my youngest is nearly seven that I find that moment of peace to write. You've got my 10 minutes worth today. ;-}

I'm just so glad I don't feel alone anymore :)I too find weird things and markers and crayons seem to be everywhere. I only have 4, but 3 are triplets so being the same age they fight 24 hours a day. Good luck to you.

Greetings Dawn from the island of Phils. I've been visiting your site for quite long time and you're such a good writter..I'm a mother of 2-yr old girl and will get married soon. We will be relocated in US by next month. I'm very much aware that we may not afford to have a fulltime nanny like what we have now here in Phils...Im getting anxious with my new life there but your blog helps me to be excited...& in a way a better plan for the adjustment period...looking forward for your book..

Is putting your life on hold so bad?" Amen sister. I have 4 grown children and 8 grandchildren. You young ladies are raising our future, I can't imagine any hobby or interest more important than that. Just support each other, you will have plenty of time for the rest of your life,and hopefully happy and well adjusted adult children to support you. Dawn, you are fantastic.

Glad you enjoyed your night out, I havent had one of those in 10 years for fear of what I will come back to !Thanks for the post this morning , I 'really' needed to know Im not the only one.. sometime between breakfast and dishes someone 're'poked a hole in the wall in my hall..long story! I have fixed it 200times already..My 3yo decided to try out crayons on my 60.00 a gallon washable paint and well it will not wash off..I know I have to turn it into a story and blog it to laugh it off ..but first I have to clean up the blankets,toys and popcorn allover the living room from the kids camp out last night !

Thank you for your sense of humor and honesty. It's so great to find a mom who will actually tell it like it is ! I have three beautiful boys (6,3,& 8 mos.) and I love hearing from someone else that curiosity is not naughty...it's just kids being kids.

I really look forward each day to opening your blog and reading the latest post. Keep them coming!

You are a BLESSING !!!! I am new at this stay home mom thing and having some trouble with it . I love my kids but we just moved from the town I was born and raised in ( I married my best friend from pre-k ) to a town that ALWAYS rains !!! I have 2 horses that I am so used to riding twice a day who are now getting fat and have become wonderful expensive yard orniments . I miss the me time I once had . We have to boys age 19 months and 3 ..... I have my hands full ( not as much as you ) and I was so NOT prepared for this . My husband works long hours so I am here in the awful city alone most of the time . I am NOT a city girl . I came from a town that had a caution light in the middle of town , more bars then churches, main street is 4 blocks long and I had a graduating class of 20 ( the largest so far in that town !!! ) So city and I ... not so friendly to eachother . I read your blog daily just so that I know other crazy stuff happens to good people and not just me . Thank you THANK YOU THANK YOU !!!!! And I am going to be in line to buy your book !!!!

Seeing the banana really made me appreciate things. At least one of the kids didn't try to pick it up and eat it! My son sometimes tries to eat the Cheez-its or Fruit Gushers or whatever other crumbs of snacks/treats that are sitting on the car floor for the last week. You know - the crumbs that sit under the wet underwear, dirty shoes, whatever happens that day during grocery shopping, a visit to grandmas, etc.

I have truly enjoyed your blogs after first enjoying your ebay listing. For some reason I thought of you this morning when I discovered my 2 1/2 year old son had made snow in the toy room with baby powder. LOTS of snow. It even snowed on the 2 loads of clean laundry that had yet to be folded and my husband's pile of folded clothes yet to be put away. AH the joys!

But I really wanted to tell you that you haven't lived until you find the source of that horrible smell. A package of ground beef that was put in the microwave of the play kitchen set. Approximatly 1 week prior. Yummy!

Better diaper cream on face and not hair. This is from Mighty Bears blog.07:46 pm - Jody's The Bad and The Good The Bad: Diaper rash cream in hair. My little tattler let me down - while I was off at the grocery store, Mark didn't have his 'quiet children alert' tuned up high enough and both boys completely saturated their hair with diaper rash cream. This was just the kind of thing I was hoping Connor would tattle about!! By the time I'd gotten back Mark had bathed both boys (again) but their hair was really really really bad. So I took Connor and super lathered up his hair many many times with dish soap. No dice. Mark eventually found a tip about olive oil - a good saturation of oil and another couple of dish-soap lathers got his hair looking greasy instead of . . . .white and totally stiff. A vast improvement. And ARGH, they got it all over Chase's carpet - DAYS after I just got the carpets shampooed!!!!!!!!

when you find those "child proof" locks that keep kids out of your fridge and cabinet... let me know where you found them... I need a set or 2 (we have 2 fridges... double the trouble)thanks for sharing your life with all of us

Sounds like when I clean out my van, except enough used juice boxes to make a castle. My favorite is the so-and so's mom, except at my kid's day care I am "Mrs. Brianna's mom" or "Mrs. Jimmy's mom" Same for my husband.

Amen on the so & so's mom/dad sidetrack! And glad you were able to go out and have fun with Jen! Oh and the diaper cream facial "hair" what will they come up with next! Once again thanks for the laugh!

Hi Dawn! First time commenter here. I just wanted to let you know how awesome you are, although I'm sure you've heard it 1539582 times. LoL I'm a 19 year old mother of one, and I've told EVERYONE I know about your blog, and I read it everday! Will you be doing a book give away like the one you just did when your book comes out??

I totally understand the food in the car dilemma. I only have three kids but could probably survive a month on what is in the car. Not a bad thing if we ever go into the ditch in a remote area, but let's face it, none of the kids would eat what they brought in the car the first time, why would they eat the moldy remnants? I enjoy reading your blog.

OOh that banana looks very familiar, you didn't steal it from my car did you? I had one just like that in my door pocket and it leaked banana gunk all over everything. It also solidified so when we pulled it out, it pulled all the other rubbish out along with it, sadly including my bargain Gucci (rip offs :) ) sunglasses. That was not as bad as the frozen yoghurt down the back of the car seats though, they pretended they liked it and instead stuffed it down the gap between their kiddie seats and the gap in the boot. It hummed to high heaven :)

Dawn there is a time for everything. Right now for you the time is your kids. My kids are raised and I just started taking classes! Loved all those years raising the kids tho, do some things with your kids that will get them interested in a few hobbys of their own. It looks as if Clay could go into excavating. Amother child into art. Teach a few about proper food storage ;-) and food dehydration. :-) just kidding. Keep up the good work and all the good outlook on life.

I will admit that I was lured to your blog by the ebay thing, but now I stop by every day because you make me laugh so much. It is nice to know that mine is not the only car with decomposing fruit in it :)

I feel your pain. And I enjoy reading your blog every day. I only have 1 kiddo right now and your stories remind me of my childhood with 4 brothers. They also make we want to have lots more/ terrify me about ever having another one. I have 2 posts right now along the same lines as this last one of yours. A rogue fruit snack and a butt cream incident. The joys of parenthood! Oh- I almost forgot- I am having a great time just being so and so's mom. The money's not great, but being her "bestest friend" and chief booboo kisser is all the salary and benefits I need. I know you're crazy busy, but check out our adventures if you have a minute.http://paynesinalabama.blogspot.com

This IS great! I only have four kids, but I can relate also. And like Saratoga Five said, you put things in perspective. I am often mad at my babies, but then I read what you write and I laugh and calm down.

Ha ha!! Laughing out loud is good medicine. A daily dose of your humor is refreshing, so please keep it coming! I took my 3 kids to a birthday party today and my 2yo had an all-out screaming fit. Lovely. Had to whip out a lollipop to calm her - yes, I'm rewarding her screaming but surviving is more important sometimes. I'm glad to hear about your van! Sounds like what we find beneath our booster seats in the kitchen. At least your DH is finding fruit and not candy wrappers, right? :-)

I have to comment on putting locks on your cabinets to keep your kids out of the food. I hope it works for you. We have the same trouble at our house. We started with an alarm on the pantry. Didn't work. They just ignored the alarm. Then we put a hook and eye lock. Also didn't work. Now we have a gate lock on the very top of the door. They can still open it and sometimes do but usually it deters them because it is so much work. So...they moved to the garage where the bulk items are stored. The garage floor is usually littered with food. We put a hook and eye lock on the garage door and they ripped out the door trim. Alas, nothing works. Good luck to you though!

I just started reading your blog last week and am hooked! I only have two little ones (and hopefully more in the future), but you make parenting real and possible. Thanks for putting things into perspective and getting us to laugh. I had to laugh at the polish "butt" word (dupa), my husband does the same thing with our son. As I am writing this, I am shaking my head and asking 'why?' Thanks for all of your time doing this, I know it helps many of us get through the day. :)

At least you're FINDING your rotten food! For the past 3 weeks, we've been wondering what the awful smell invading our house was, only to find out that the two year old had shoved little pieces of chicken that were cut up in the dogs dish, into the vents on the AC. Lovely, lovely lovely.

Dawn,First of all...I have to sayI was SHOCKED that someone so famous decided to stop by my blog and actually leave a comment! whew! I was on cloud nine all night long, that is until I asked my husband to be excited with me, and he rolled his eyes. What a dork. He doesn't understand.Anyway...your daughter looks great with a beard, and my Janie has that same shirt. I love it! I'm glad that you got to go out and be with a friend...BTW what's that like? That sounds like something out of a fairytale to me.

lol. i just foudn a similar bannana peel in my car. then i found the rest of the bannana. glad you got to have kid free time the other night. im finally getting 8 hours next weekend thanks to the military.

I have no hobbies, I have no "me" time, and its okay. Really. I'm mom, I'm wife, I'm cleaning lady, I'm teacher (sometimes when forced), I'm all these things and I'm me. I love the thought that being mom is just fine. It's about all I have time for these days. And to take up a hobby, well that might just send me to the nut house.

Hehe, you are not alone, we found a fossilized milk dud, melted skittle, among other items when we were cleaning out the husbands jeep today. He complains it used to be clean before our two boys invaded it. I just say it's another incentive for him to buy us another car! (Our other choked to death about 6 months ago!) I also had my 4 year old save his morning kolache on top of the TV so he could eat is as a snack later that day, gross....

Glad to hear you got a night out with a friend. Sounds fabulous. You crack me up about the old fruit in the car. That'll teach you to try to have the family eat healthy snacks. You know if it was a twinkie, it would not have decomposed at all, LOL!

Dawn, I adore your blog. My mom happened upon it one day not too long ago and insisted I read it. We've both been hooked since! I can totally relate with my own two children and am so glad to know that mine aren't the only crazy ones out there!

Hey Dawn! I love your blog and read it religously everyday. I just wanted to say I could so relate to what your friend Jen almost did, I almost did the same thing just the other day in the grocery store. I only have 3 kids and I have also found all kinds of nasty stuff in my mini van..KUDOS to you!!

AH YES! I once went to church and reached in my purse for a stick of gum and found a banana that had turned BLACK in my purse. I looked at my 4 year old and asked "WHY" that was in my purse, she said she put it there in case the preacher went too long with his sermon!

Every time I read one of your stories about rotten food especially, you make our family seem more and more normal! I have never been one to get too hung up on messes, disorganization, etc. Don't get me wrong, I CRAVE cleanliness, organization, sanity, etc. but I come from a very large family with a very patient and tolerable mom (who died when I was only eight, so I have learned to treasure mommyhood since I know how much of a gift it is both to me and to my kids). I know that if I just stop and look at the little rugrat culprit's face that just committed the horrible crime of leaving an apple core between the matress and the wall or writing all over the freshly painted walls or her brand new school shirt with a permanent marker, MOST of the time I know that it wasn't done with evil, criminal-mindedness. However, so many times I do struggle to let others into my home, thinking that I am probably the only one with these stinky, yucky messes or marked up, ugly walls, etc. It's just so hard to have so many others around you with such "perfect" homes, yards, cars, etc. but when I read not only your blog but all your visitors' comments, I just have relief every time. I also have been one to write a lot of my funny little stories for my friends to read on my bebo page or another blog I started long ago but let fade away. After I read your blog, I decided to start writing these stories all in one place, specifically for that reason..to focus on the true humor one can find in motherhood instead of letting the situations frazzle me. Thank you so much for the great service you are doing for so many of us moms!

Once again, mum of 9 here... we DO have locks on our fidge and cabinets!!! lol Believe me, it doesn't do much for the food found all over the house, you would have to actually STOP giving the kids food to prevent that from happening! Go figure.

Oh, and one more thing! I've always told my husband that although I read in so many places and hear from so many of my friends that parents need at least a night out a week (WHO has time or money for that?), that I truly feel that I know when I need a night out. If we can always respect that in each other and grant the other one that night out when needed, that's enough for me! So, it might be a month from one "night out" to the next or sometimes 3-4 mos, but then when I suddenly feel like I just need to get out, it happens. I also always respect my husband's requests to have an evening off, since he rarely asks for one. Then we get our date nights when we need them and we're good to go!!! It's fun to see someone (or many of you) who have the same feeling on this because I tend to be a pretty busy mom (I run, when not pregnant, took up karate with my kids and just got my black belt in December..now I assist with instructing karate once a week with my kids' classes-it's become a family event, I work very parttime, and my husband travels quite a bit) so my family frets about me on occasion. I think that they think I will have a nervous breakdown soon or something. :) But then by being relaxed about things out of your control and getting to projects when you can eek a little time out of your schedule, it's manageable. It's good to know others have the same philosophy and are all still "sane"!!!

Diaper wipes are awesome(kind of like Brooklyn's diaper cream,"not just for butts anymore")! I use them to clean up everything, including my kids' faces. They work great to get spilled food or vomit out of carpet or upholstry if you get to it right away. I always keep some under the seat of the car.

Hi Dawn,I am a stay at home, homeschooling Mom of six. I totaly understand the fact that time and finances do not allow for a lot of that "me" stuff the "experts" talk about. I also agree that our kids are only little for a short time and we will have time to worry about me later. My husband works very hard to provide for our family and allow me to stay home with our kids. Since I was 4 years old all I ever wanted to do is be a good wife and mother who stays home with the kids and homeschools. The fact my husband has been totally supportive has been an incredable blessing.

The fact that our kids are only little for a short time has really hit home as we started our school year a couple of weeks ago. My oldest daughter is 14 in 10th grade, oldest boy is 13 in 9th grade (I'm teaching high school now!), middle girl is 11 in 6th grade, middle boy is 10 in 5th grade, youngest boy is 8 in 2nd grade and youngest girl is 6 in 1st grade. My oldest two did school through the summer for a year in order to get a year ahead in school so they can graduate before they turn 17. They plan to work for a year (from age 17 to 18) and decide for sure what they want to do, rather it be college, military or what. Anyway, it occured to me that my oldest only has 2 years of school left after this one and for some reason that was a bit scary.

I have found your writing very close to home and totally understand many of the things you are talking about.

I used to be really big into the "take time for ME" thing. When I had one child, it was easy. Two children: difficult but doable and I felt very balanced and like life was good. When I was pregnant with my third, a friend with five boys told me that once you have more than two you are a fully committed mother with no more time for yourself. She was right, and for awhile I truly mourned my old identity and the sense of balance I had felt. Sometimes I would get angry at the end of the day that I hadn't had time to work on one of my creative projects. Finally I learned to let go and find a new balance, a new joy in my children. Now I am pregnant with my fourth and this time I have nothing left to give up but much more to gain.

Through my children, I have learned about the benefits of self-sacrifice, a virtue that is not currently popular and which is becoming more rare. The problem with this is that the fruits of self-sacrifice, such as unselfishness, patience, and selfless giving, are also becoming more rare. I'm so happy that you and your blog are gaining such a huge following because you are promoting and popularizing these values with humor and wit in a way America can relate to. We need you. You are making a bigger difference than you will ever know.

Just had to make another comment and this one is about trying to teach our children proper manners and things, but husbands are no help =) My husband has started a little game at the supper table. When we have baked potatoes he will take the alumminum foil off of his and role it into a ball and then throw it at one of the kids. Of course, the kids do the same and then there are foil balls flying across the table. This became such a regular occurance that I forgot to warn my parents when we had them out for supper. I had grilled and fixed bake potatoes wrapped in alumminum foil on the grill. We all sat down to eat, said grace, and my Mom was just getting into her meal when she was buzzed by an foil ball flying across the table. She almost fell out of her chair. Of course, I couldn't get after the kids because it was my husband throwing it at my oldest son. I was a bit embarrased and quickly explained the little game my husband had started. Dad found it very funny, Mom was mildly amused. Nothing like that would have been alowed at the table when I was growing up, but there were only three kids and my Dad just didn't do things like that. Mom often commets to people that if they ever eat at our house they need to watch out for the flying foil balls. =)

Do not dispair over finding the fruit.... think about it: this is undisputable evidence for anyone foolish enough to still be worried about the chocolate pudding for breakfast thing, that you do indeed purchase and provide wholesome healthful snacks for your children! (Love the blog - waiting for the book!)

Just thought I'd pop on to let you know if you ever have to do another giveaway, you might want to try a random number generator site. www.random.org

Thanks for the reminder about so-and-so's mom. I'll never forget the first time I was called that (when my DD was in the NICU). It was a touching moment as it was when I first realized I was truly a mother.

Hello from Evanston. Yes, dupa is funny in Polish, and tuchis is also funny in Yiddish. And my kids roll on the floor whenever they hear an older person say "fanny" --which is all the funnier for being out of date. I think perhaps you should invite your readers to contribute to a multicultural "butt" post -- you know, in the interest of diversity.

Locks on the cabinets is not a horrible idea. We put a lock on our refrigerator when we woke up at 3am to find our 3 year old making chocolate milk. The milk was all over the floor, the chocolate syrup bottle was empty, and there were 3 spoons out....why 3...I still have no answer to this question. Locks are my friend!!!

LOL Funny, Dawn! And the "Diaper ointment is not just for butts anymore" comment...LOL, my son did the exact same thing the other day! As I'm taking his picture (because all good mom's should do this with their children's 'incidents') I said, "Why? When have I EVER put that stuff on your face?"

MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST: Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.

GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00p.m. begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00p.m.Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00a.m. Set alarm for 5:00a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

INGENUITY TEST: Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower .

AUTOMOBILE TEST: Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect.

PHYSICAL TEST (Women): Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans. And try not to notice your closet full of clothes. You won't be wearing them for a while.

PHYSICAL TEST (Men): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT: Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers. >

It's true - your kids will grow up and you'll have the rest of your life to do stuff for just you. Though it is nice to have some sort of hobby or outlet so the childrearing doesn't drive you too crazy.

We had to ban any form of fruit from the car. We almost ruined one of our cars with the smell.

Dawn, YOu are right. You are greatly adored because you articulate so well the obsticals, trials and follies of being just a " Regular Mom". We find ourselves here every night, to look into someone else' life who is so much like our own. We seem to understand one another's frustrations and yet we know perfectly well, we would not change becoming mothers to these little ones.

If you want to read a book that will make you laugh so hard you will fall off your bed, Read Chickens in the Headlights, by Matthew Buckley. I read a breif synopsis on this book about a family; A father, A mother and seven boys. I quickly picked it up and checked it out at my library and was shocked when I realized it was being told by the second oldest boy who was 8. It reminded me of what it was like to be a kid and how children see the world around them. I loved it so much I read it 3 times and it is a quick read. I even read it to my kids, who found it hysterical aswell. Your writing reminds me very much of this book. So when you have time (you know in 20 years) I hope you will give it a read.

I have been reading your blog for many weeks now and I just wanted to say thank you for the comic relief you provide each day for us moms. As a working mom, I wholeheartedly agree with you about focusing on our children. I like being known as "Morgan's mom" and am very proud to be her mom. You share such human qualities with all of us and I appreciate how you see the humor in everything. It's refreshing.

I love to scrapbook but I don't get a lot of free time to do it these days (and I only have one!). My husband laughs at me because I have taken more than 6,500 pictures of our daughter (seriously!)...she's eight months old. Isn't technology supposed to make us MORE efficient?! I think we need a new hard drive from all of my photos! Kids are only little once and if I don't capture a silly face or that adorable outfit I might not get another chance before she starts making a new silly face or outgrows that outfit. She's teething now so I get a little sappy about how fast she is growing *tear*.

A lot of the studies recently show how many working moms would much prefer to stay home or at least work part-time. I certainly am one of those working moms who would give it all up in a second to stay home with my daughter and future kids! It's amazing how the feminist movement thrust women full-force into the working world 30+ years ago only for many of us moms to rethink our priorities now. I must admit though that those working moms I talk to would prefer to stay home while the stay-at-home moms I talk to would prefer to work. Maybe we're just a product of this "you can have it all" and "the grass is always greener" culture.... Me, yes, I do believe the grass would be greener if I could come over to the "stay-at-home" side of the world. I think I will try to figure out how to make that happen in the coming years.... Thanks again for sharing all of your stories of motherhood with us! I look forward to reading more. Best Wishes! :o)

I saw the screwdriver in the picture and had to laugh. That is the kind that comes with the Tonka build your own whatever kits right?

I remember because my son, 6, has the same one and once used to remove EVERY screw in the house! He managed to even remove the screws from the little metal plates on the door frames where they latch! OH and who knew that coolers are put together with screws........Tayton, my six year old thats who! He has a condition called sensory integration disorder unfortunately it doesn't affect his ability to take apart every toy in his room!

butt, butt, butt!! i have to laugh b/c tonight i was signing up for an ebay account (yes, i know, i'm totally behind the trend. in my defense- my hubby has an account. so doesn't that count?!?)anyway- i was trying to think of a screen name and my 3 yr old son (elliot) said he thought my screen name should be "elliot butt!!!" (pipe in hysterical laughter). need less to say, i didn't pick "elliot butt" but still. i thought it was funny :)

"And is it really so horrible to put your life on hold, so to speak, to become so & so's mother? So & so will only be little for a short while. You've got your whole life ahead of you to take up skydiving, poker, knitting, painting, tennis, or whatever it is you want to do. Just a thought."

THANK YOU!!! I am so happy to hear someone else say what I have been saying for the short 12 years I have been a SAHM.

I truly enjoy reading your blog and wish you and your family the best!!!

As you have heard 7.625 million times - you are wonderful. A true talent. Congrats on everything you are reaping from it; hope it continues for you. While I (we) have no children (llllooonnng, arduous story involving needles, lots'o'drugs and cysts), but we're still hoping, I absolutely LOVE reading of all your adventures. Your stories are universal; everyone can relate - parents or not. Anyway, I just wanted to offer up a possible Polish butt word: "Dupa" was what we were always told meant 'butt' - not sure on the spelling. I'm certain it is not the only one, but it is funny - we used to crack up at it, too. With that, I have to ask: IS 'butt' the funniest word? My 42 year-old husband and his mid-forties plus buddies still get a great chuckle out of 'fart' as well. OK, the ambient noises and fragrances that go with kinda push it over the edge; nevertheless, they still get all giggly. Y-chromosomes...Keep up the chuckles. Best of Luck, etc.Cyndie

Thank you, I have wondered why being so & sos Mom is such a bad thing myself. My kids are my life right now, and once they are off on their own I have years to myself. I am sure that I will have a hard time without them. Right now they are young, and I cannot imagine a day without them. We even homeschool, so this parting will be very hard. Congrats on the grown up dinner!

Ok... the banana has me almost peeing my pants! Last year I bought my sisters van from her at a great price and when I went to clean it after I brought it home I could have filled up a ceral box with all the grody stuff I found in smushed in the seats and in the little holes where the seats attach!

I know I am just one of a million comments, but I have to say I LOVE YOU! I thought I was the only one with children who gouged holes in the plaster walls (I just blogged it too), I feel soooo much better knowing I am not alone!

The word "Butt" is especially funny when it is the last name of 4 of the families in our church. Not kidding. We were going to visit one of the Butt family, and when my kid's (age 3 and 5) asked me whose house we were going to, I said, "Mr and Mrs Butt's" completely forgetting the whole hilarious aspect of the name. Needless to say, it took almost to the time we showed up at their home for my children to be forget. Had they been any older we may have had to circle the block a few dozen times and use some creative distraction.

I love reading your bog. I do so just about everyday. Maybe it's because I can understand/learn what it's like to be a great mom.

A few things:1. I have a friend from Poland. We used to call eachother "butt head" in half polish/half english. It's Dupa Head. Dupa is Polish for Butt while Osta (pronounced with oo) is Polish for lips. (thank you Veggie Tales)2. Mary Kay oil free eye makeup remover will take just about anything off of anything. It's great for sharpie markers; especially since it's not harmful on the skin. If you need some....I can help you out.

Thanks again for letting me peek into your world. I often share it with my husband to which he usually responds, "are you sure you want more than one."

Thank you for this post. I love being a mom and my little ones seem to be growing so fast. I am so glad to hear someone else say...who has the extra money for all that stuff...not us right now. Someday but today...the kids need some new soccer cleats! :)

Ah! Yes Sharpies!!! I have become best friends with the magic eraser! The only thing that gets it off my desk, entertainment center and training potty. My 3 yr old is heading towards being the next Picaso!!! She is very talented. You should see my walls!!! Now explain this to me?...I have 2 kids, have tons of experience from school, teaching, childcare and church. But for the life of me cant understand how a person can handle blood, diapers, mud and messes but gets gagged at the sight of a child chewing on a crayol??? Thats me! If anyone chews on a crayoln or like yours did,eats diaper cream, I start going through the colors of a rainbow! UGH! I have got to be the weirdest mom EVER!!!!! Heck I run away when our dog gets a hold of one of those coloring sticks! And to think I am having my third soon! AG!

Thank you, Dawn! I look forward to your blog everyday. Today's post was very funny, but the so-and-so's mom part really hit home. As an older mom of 2, I have waited my whole life to have children. Nothing I've done has been more difficult or fulfilled me more. I'm proud to be known as their mom. I will take up a hobby once they are grown, in the meantime, I am trying to savor every moment. Thank you for saying it aloud...I wish more moms felt the same way.

Having had 5th child before 1st was 7 I had many similar experiences...;o) I love reading your blog for a smile or laugh...but the greatest thing for this old gal is that you are bringing back some of those silly, funny experiences from my life.

It is truly fun to think of them now...but then it could be quite distressing...for instance, finding out that our youngest was picking up stray cigarette butts and "smoking"...as well as chewing pre-chewed and discarded gum!!!!!YUUUUUCK!!!

I wanted to post the pic, but couldn't figure it out. A lovely picture of my daughter who got into my Mary Kay stock (I sell it). She has covered her face (looking like a perfect beard) in not only magenta lipstick but, for added glamour, a bit of yellow highlighter. Ahhh yes... She'll be the next great makeup artist!

Hey Dawn, I just remembered a funny Butt story, and I just had to tell you. I was helping teach a class, the kids were about 5 or 6, and the teacher was talking about weather vanes, and she said that some weather vanes have people on them, and that some don't, and then one kid yelled "Because the arrow would hurt his Butt!!" It was so funny, I think that kids are the best thing in the world, and that you should enjoy every second with them! I love your blog, and keep up the good work!!!

I've been so and sos mom for so long sometimes I forget my own name, but I am just as bad, I don't remember the Mom's name but a BAAD kid and I can come up with the name in a heartbeat. That's why I started blogging, as least I feel like I am listened to and that someone knows ME! I love your blog, it makes me laugh every day. Thanks for that!!!

Oh please don't stop writing about the food, then I will look weird again. The comments from readers about the things stuffed in holes in the wall was so very validating. I forgot to ask if anyone else ever found a missing ice cream carton still full of ice cream in their wall...AND finally someone who agrees with me on the taking time for yourself thing. Why not just wait for the empty nest? Having to find a sitter to go have time to myself is worse than being a computer geek asking the cheerleader to homecoming, and then when you get home, you're just more behind. No, adding take time for yourself is TOO STRESSFUL! Oh, if you do lock up your cupboards, remember to put the knives and scissors behind one.

I just stopped doing daycare after seven years, and I say it's an honor to stop your life to raise a child. Some people look back on their accomplishments and can say they have a PhD or a Nobel prize, but I have 15 kids who call me "Mommy", aside from my three, and their great accomplishments will be a testimony of my own. I have already reached the pinnacle of my career...everything else is just gravy.

P.S. Went to dinner with just my husband on Friday. Answered to 3 random "Mommy"'s, then passed out on the sofa at 8:30. You and Jen did great!!!!!

You say sharpies multiply. I say toys multiply. I clean out the toybox and throw bags away. Only to find even more to get rid of. And I only buy toys for birthday's and christmas. love the blog as usual!

I'm happy to see that it's not only my child that finds it funny eating diaper rash ointment. and that it's not only my children that poke holes in the walls with anything that they can find, my daughter's room looks like she was trying to dig her way out and escape. The sharpie problem is also quite the same in my house too except it's crayons and I can never seem to throw them away fast enough and like pulling gray hairs for every one I throw away, three more appear in its place. The food in the car problem too...

Dawn, Again your blog has me laughing out loud, and my kids asking..."Mommy what is so funny? Did you fart again?" followed by hystrical laughter because they said the word "fart" (the second funniest word in the English language). I am so glad to see that my DD will have company in the diaper rash cream eaters anonymous meetings. She loves to eat butt paste, although her ped has warned me that she should not be ingesting it. Ahhhh, if only she would listen to me when I explain that her face looks nothing like a butt, so therefore she shouldn't use the butt paste on it.