The Incredibly Busy Brain of Beaux

Craving Aletheia definitely has such a lack of focus at times that I wonder if there’s even a point to writing in here, and yet I find that if I don’t record my own journey, then there may be a time when I regret it and that it will not be able to help others in the way that the journeys of others have helped me.

One thing that happens to the mystic is that we take heart in seeing that another mystic has gone through something similar to ourselves. This is when we realize that no matter how crazy things may seem, someone else has seen the same thing, and thus it is another aspect of reality that is important to accept.

A note that has been made by a few different mystics recently is that God will ultimately make you do things that you do not want to do, and sometimes will not give you what you do want. I want to write a direct commentary on this experience for the sake of clarification, and it’s quite important to read it.

First, what is meant by this, from my own experience, is that you will automatically say and do things in accordance with God’s Will without any personal reflection of your own- or at least very little. You are not given the option in this case- you simply speak and act and do accordingly.

What is revealed in this situation is that God is in control, and you’re in no position personally to question God about these matters- at least in practice. But I do want to point out that this almost an instinctual response, though it doesn’t seem quite in line with what we normally think of as being instinctual. Rather, it’s an automatic response that just happens whether you want it to or not.

The trouble with saying this is that for millennia, religious leaders have abused the idea of God’s Will to their own ends and for their own sakes. A notorious example is that God’s Will is relegated to some kind of reference to one’s own conscience and is used to make one feel guilty for going against certain cultural standards that may not make sense to begin with.

So what I mean by God’s Will in this case is something much more subtle and different, yet in the moment, it is Absolute. On the ego-level, there is a lot of confusion that can happen, but below the ego-level, there is a steadiness that exists. I think this may be the proverbial “rock” upon which one must build one’s house.

In reality, the opposite seems to happen, at least in my instance- the rock suddenly emerged, and suddenly I was attached to it forevermore. This is at least when the rock is here apparently; sometimes God’s Presence is not so readily apparent, as many mystics can tell you.

Now I am realizing what it means to be given in service to others, to be focused on others. Focus on myself has done relatively little to improve anything. That does not mean that, at this point, that I have no shred of self-concern; on the contrary, I do, and I can see it happening many times during the day. But it is amazing to see that in the midst of the self-concern, God’s Presence can overwhelm it, and a much greater reality intervenes in that movement, and my ego is not truly an issue.

I don’t want to be presumptuous- but I do wonder if the dawning of the “unitive state” is upon me. I’ve had some suspicions because of a few experiences that have happened over the past few months in knowing my own oneness with God, but it doesn’t seem to have completely eradicated the ego- at least not yet. Perhaps it isn’t an all-or-nothing moment; perhaps it is more gradual than I had guessed originally.

The hallmark of this all is a kind of unshakeable confidence, the rock I mentioned, which had been until now completely missing. Now I know that, even if it doesn’t appear at all moments, somewhere, it is there, and I am one with it, and it is unshakeable, unmovable, and nothing can ever destroy it or end it- the rock is there, and it is Eternal. There is nothing that could happen to the inner rock that could ever move it- so despite my fears, despite my anxiety, despite the very obvious amounts of adrenaline running through my body, when I am aware of the Inner Rock, the Inner Authority, I am grounded in something stronger than the winds and tides of life.

One thing I can say- the mystics have not been lying. They have not told an untruth about the Self; the Self is quite real. I can see that for myself now. I have seen many of the archetypes and so forth. These are all real, and so I can, at this point, only conjecture that if the No-Ego state is real, then the No-Self state must also be real- it’s an interesting and frightening prospect, Reality, but I’m in it for the long-haul, and I daresay God’s better at alluring me than I know, because His Beauty will draw me to Him again and again, and I just can’t resist Beauty!