Monday, August 27, 2007

Poor Jesus.

So another loser has found Jesus. Vick Mick, American footballer and multi-millionaire has pled guilty to being a total wanker. From TMZ

""I will redeem myself" said Vick, "I have to."

Vick wasn't specific about the acts he was sorry for, but declared, "Dogfighting is a terrible thing. I reject it."

Between apologies to everyone from NFL commissioner Roger Goodell to Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank -- to all the kids who used to look up to him, Vick declared that he's found Jesus and has turned his life over to God.

"I was ashamed and totally disappointed in myself, to say the least. I want to apologize to all the young kids out there for my immature acts. What I did was very immature, so that means I need to grow up."

Vick also dropped part of his apology in the third person saying, "I totally ask for forgiveness and understanding as I move forward to be a better Michael Vick the person, not the football player."

During the presser, Vick made it clear several times that he never "pointed the finger" and is prepared to face the consequences of his actions.

After speaking for nearly five minutes, Vick left the podium without taking any questions."

What the hell is it with folk that the minute the shit hits the fan they suddenly dial up Jesus' gaff and want to hang out? Lohan did it after crashing her car while off her face, Paris Hilton waffled on about meeting Jesus and doing each other's hair while she was in prison for being an idiot and a spoilt brat. Reverend Ted Haggard ditched Jesus and went to hang out/do crystal meth with a male prostitute, then got caught and went hightailing it back to Jesus faster then I can type 'busted.' Poor old Jesus, he's like that kid that lives on the street that no one really likes, but they'll hang around with him when they have fights with their real friends, but as soon as they make up with their pals he gets dumped and has to spend the rest of his time building forts alone and talking to his dog a lot. Seriously, if I was Jesus I'd just say, 'dude, don't call me, okay, I"m busy, I've got real friends of my own now. I had to raise them from the dead, but their mine. Dig your own ass out of trouble.'That's what I would do. Then I'd totally smote them. Smote them like a fox.

"smote them like a fox"... sorry to go all historian on your blog but I can't resist, it's just so apt! Foxes are actually heretics (metaphorically)in the Bible and early church lit, so they really should be smote! (metaphorically)

Good work accidently hitting the analogy on the head there...or do you actually lead a double life we don't know about?

"FMC, blogger and and uber-athlete by day, church historian by night." Coming soon to a cinema near you.

Yeah I heard, after only 3 week of 'intensive treatment.' 'mazin' what the good lord will do for his most devout and misunderstood shepherd. Vick Mick is just another thug, with no sense of decency and too much moeny burning a hole through his pocket.

When Paris Hilton was in jail, apparently my mother told my father that Paris had found God in jail. 'Oh,' said my father, 'What was God in for?' My dad is 72, and still makes me laugh like a drainpipe. But really, isn't turning to God and Jesus so last week? Why can't they turn to drugs and alcohol ? 'I trully regret what I've done and I've turned to drugs and alcohol to get me through this dark time.I hope you will all find it in your hearts to forgive me.'

OH snarf! What was he in for indeed!Ron Mexico eh? Porn star or wrestlemania wannabe.Manuel, oh you can be sure there'll be plenty of 'sure that's what they do like, they'd fight no mattter what.'I actually heard a chap proclaim this once. That since they were bred to fight it was almost cruel not to let them. It's very hard to argue with that sort of wanton stupidity.

About Me

I'm a bouncy, opinionated, messy haired marathon running (!) bibliophile. I wear high heels and have delightful ankles. I'm a devoted drinker. I want a French Bulldog puppy whom I shall call Batman and dress in capes on occasion.
I would also like a pug, whom I shall name Mister Woo. He can remain capeless, but I will make sure he wears a diamante collar at all times.
Both dogs will submit to repeated snorgling and high pitched squeals that only a dolphin would normally tolerate.
I hate Reiki/psychics/mystics/frauds with all my liver. Also, I'm firmly against Jazz and poetry/poems/pomes/ peoms or any of that stuff. I believe in the healing power of ginger.