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you shouldn’t poke bears with a stick, but that never stopped me

I mentioned this a while back, but it’s kind of an odd position to find yourself in, when you know someone who actively dislikes you reads everything that you write on your blog. I mean, I guess it happens to popular bloggers a lot, but that’s not me, and this is not a random Internet troll, this is someone who is connected to my real life. Well, distantly connected. We’ve never met, but this person is related to people I know and love.

(If you know me in real life, you probably know who I’m talking about. See also: this is why I keep my Twitter account locked.)

I find that I censor myself a lot more now. Which is fine. Even at my most overshare-y, my blog probably only represented maybe 5% of my life. The only difference is that now I’m just more selective about which 5% I share.

Other times, I find that I’ll write something deliberately, in a way that reads as harmless to everyone else, but I know will provoke this person. I figure it serves him/her right for reading my blog in the first place.

There’s a weird kind of entertainment value in that, writing something and then waiting to see how long before this person sends an outraged text message referencing something I wrote here.

Those outraged texts never take long. I think chronically angry people are always looking for something to justify their venom.

So, you know? Since this person is going to read my blog anyway, I figure I might as well use this little platform of mine to clear up a few things.

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My breast implants are saline, not silicone. If you’re going to make disparaging remarks about my body, you should at least get the terminology right.

If you’re saying it because you think I’m supposed to be ashamed of myself for admitting that I had a part of my body surgically enhanced because I wanted to feel more comfortable in my own skin?

Nope. Not even a little. My new boobs are freaking awesome.

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Quick fact check:

* Chris and his ex separated in September 2011.

* He and I met in March 2012, a full 6 months later.

I don’t think the term “home-wrecker” can be applied to me, since that home was pretty thoroughly wrecked long before I ever showed up on the scene.

Pictured above: not me. (Bummer, I know.)

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If you are the type of divorced parent who thinks it’s acceptable to say negative things about your ex-spouse in front of your kids? I think you are a horrible person who should have your parental rights revoked.

That shit is unforgivable.

Look, divorce is hard on all of us, especially when kids are involved. Vent to your friends, or to a therapist. Common decency should tell you to leave the kids out of it.

Because no matter that you say you don’t involve the kids? When the kids themselves repeat something you said, it’s proof that you’re both a liar and a bad parent to boot.

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If you want to mock the name PooBou, which is a nickname from over 20 years ago?

Whatever, dude. Be my guest.

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I’ve said it before, but since some people seem to think I have an agenda, I’ll say it again:

I do not care if I ever get married again. At all. It’s not on my to-do list.

And it’s funny, because a couple of my friends have gotten engaged recently, and I am so excited and happy for them, truly. But at the same time, there’s not one iota of me that’s jealous.

My commitment to Chris – and his commitment to me – is the same as if we were married, but I have no need for that piece of paper to certify it. It just doesn’t matter to me.

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One of the best things about my relationship with Chris is that we don’t interfere in our other relationships. He doesn’t tell me how to raise my kids or how I should interact with Dave, and I do likewise for him. Sure, we talk about things, and we might ask for the other person’s opinion, but neither of us dictates to the other how we should act with our families and friends.

I do my own thing, he does his own thing. We love each other and don’t try to change the other person.

Maybe not a verbatim transcript of our conversations, but the gist is there.

I think that’s called mutual respect. It’s pretty great.

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Finally, there’s this.

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I guess that about sums it up. Now I’ll kick back and wait to see how long it takes before those outraged text messages start popping up….

When you tell your child that his dad he loves is a bad father? Congratulations! YOU ARE A BAD MOTHER. In fact, you are the worst. You will be alone after your kids turn 18, and a court can’t force them to be around you. I hope you’ll enjoy it, because you earned it.

I really liked you and your blog. I’ve been reading for several years…I’m just so disappointed to read this. Sincerely. 🙁 it’s so… I’m not saying this to be mean, it’s my honest reaction…inflammatory and immature. I’m shocked. I wonder if Chris knows you wrote this and if he okayed it, it’s because he’s equally as short-sighted or doesn’t have the spine to tell you it wasn’t okay to write. It isn’t okay because the kids will suffer. I have ZERO doubts that his ex is a loathsome human being and horrible mother. No doubt that you are telling the truth and there are probably dozens of things she’s done that would make my stomach turn and head explode simultaneously.

And that is the EXACT reason it is so unwise for you to write this besides just being classless and immature (even if there were no kids involved). This is going to make Chris’ relationship with her even worse than it is. She’ll be spiteful with regards to matters concerning the kids and Chris, even more than she is. She will make the kids feel like they’re betraying her by liking you, even more than she may now. Plus since you know she’s a horrible mother, why make her in a worse emotional state and more unpleasant to be around. Her fuse will be super short. Who will suffer? The kids. It’s why I never understand why leann rimes tweets stuff to hurt/anger brandi glanville…not because I like brandi glanville but I just don’t get if she loves eddie’s kids like she claims then why does she want to help make their mother more unstable than she is. The boys will be effected. Everyone should be responsible for their own actions, yes. But If you KNOW someone is to borrow a line from cypress hill “insane in the membrane”, why stir that shit? You already know they aren’t stable and logical and the kids WILL get the brunt of it. It also, on a far less important point, let’s that ex know how much what they say bothers you. There’s nothing like a person writing a whole blog about how they don’t give a fuck, that shows how much they give a fuck and are bothered…Which will equal the ex continuing to do it more. I would be bothered too if I was you but I wouldn’t acknowledge it publicly and write provocative “bring it on” posts.

I have in-laws that have been HORRIBLE to me at the worse times of my life, the reason I didn’t tell them off and “poke them” is because I love my husband so much and that is going to be detrimental to him. I told them how they hurt me and distanced myself greatly but I’m civil. I’m not recklessly trying to provoke them and give them the what for because my husband will be the one hurt and in this case, chris’ kids will be hurt. Also, chris’ stress level will go up too from what’ve retaliatory move she may try next. The kids will pick up that their mother seems to hate their father more than usual at pick up, drop off. The kids don’t need to feel anymore torn than they do. It’s just not worth it.

Another example, there is a dog and 4 kids who live around the corner. The parents suck and I hate them. They’re shitty human beings in general and to the kids and the dog. Shitty like the authorities would help? No, but shitty none the less. when I see them out, I want to tell them what I really think of them but I don’t and here is why…if I tell them off then I can’t brighten the day of the kids, of the dog. I can’t give them little goodies and a nice compliment to build some confidence. The parents wouldn’t want/allow me to talk to them and vice versa. So, I bite my tongue for the kids. They make small talk with me, I make it back. They make a comment that annoys me, that’s insensitive to me, I let it go in one ear and out the other. For the kids.

Anyway, this is my 2 cents. Your whole approach is very short-sighted and jerry springer-ish to me. I fear emotional reprisal on the kids…and honestly for someone who sometimes struggles with either anxiety or depression (can’t remember which), if she is a nut case and ramps up ways to bother you after this, it may stir your stuff up which is bad for you and your kids. It’s not worth it. Please, after this, just let it go publicly. You’re better than this.

I’m not going to read anymore but I do wish you the best always. Take care.

It’s pretty insulting for you to come here and tell Cindy this, do you realize that? Don’t you think that she always, ALWAYS has her kids, Chris, and his family in mind before doing anything in a public space that she knows is going to be read by someone who is too nosy for her own good? Do you think you’re opening her eyes to something here? This is HER blog, HER space, and HER place to vent and if someone who is unstable can’t deal with that, that isn’t Cindy’s fault. I’m sure she is well aware of the reaction she’s going to receive from this post which actually just proves her point.

Cindy, sorry but, this person is out of line. This is your life and your story and you’re no dummy. 🙂 And also, your boobs ARE fabulous. Anyone who insults them is clearly just jealous. xoMiss´s last blog post ..Some Days You Just Have to Get Down and Get Dirty

About 6 months after my ex started dating his new wife, she told me she’d found my blog and read it. Not all of it, but enough to get a sense of why I left. I’ve had such a hard time writing since then. I’ve written a few things with the idea that if she read them, she’d say something and I’d know. But apparently she reads sporadically (probably because I write so sporadically) and so the reactions come later and it causes issues. I feel like I’ve completely lost my most precious writing space, and can only write the most banal, happy things otherwise she uses things as fuel whenever she feels like poking at me. Boo. I wish there was a block feature on websites!

Good luck to you on this. The comment up there suggests it’s Chris’ ex, and damn I’m sorry if that’s true. It’s too bad that she feels the need to spend her time in such a way.