"Geez, Dad, that wasn't a very wise decision on your part.
What are you doing, running on two brain cells again?"
Following years of hearing about my two brain cells, I
decided it was time for action; that being, the creation of
a weekly column as a matter of revenge. Many columns
take a humorous look at everyday life. Having said that, I
must warn you in advance that some columns will be of a
more serious nature...no naps and I write mad things --
usually centered on politicians.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Things I Hate

* Bacon grease splattering on my shirt
that I have only worn for six straight days.

*Finding out that my two other shirts
are in the dirty clothes hamper.

* 14 socks going into the washing
machine and only 13 coming out of the dryer.

*People who laugh at me on the 7th
day when I’m only wearing one sock.

* Discovering that you are out of
toilet paper at the moment of need.

* When preparing to have a grilled
cheese sandwich for dinner, you discover that the cheese has mold on it.* After scraping the mold off the
cheese, you discover that the bread is moldy as well.* Spilling tomato soup on your
upholstered chair that you had professionally cleaned the day before.* Pouring tons of paint into the paint
tray — only to discover that
you don’t have any paint rollers.* When your AC unit quits on the hottest day of the year.* When your heating system decides to go on vacation on the coldest day of
the year.* When the repair people say that they can get to you in about a week
(maybe).* I hate people that spam. Oh wait, I’m not supposed to hate people.
Therefore, I detest, loathe, despise, scorn, and dislike intensely people who
spam.* Women who approach me in my awesomely
restored ’69 pickup and say, “Nice truck, too bad you come with it.” May a
thousand elephants fly up their collective noses.* Making a special dessert only to find out that you are missing one key
ingredient — like something simple -- apples for an apple pie.* Cracking a double-yoked egg onto the skillet and suddenly thinking that
the two yoke eyes are staring up at me yelling, “Baby Killer.”* Knowing that I’m a twin and wishing that I could go back in time and
punch her lights out in the womb for all the “ratting” on me that was to haunt
me for the first 18 years of my life.* Measuring it twice, cutting it once…and still getting it wrong.* The hardware store that wouldn't take my measuring tape back because it
consistently caused me to measure things wrong. Gees.* Companies, large and small, that never respond to email request for
information. If there is potentially no money in it for them, they are
typically not interested in taking the time to respond. LG is an excellent exception
to that rule.* Computers that freeze up ONLY when you are working on something
important.* The 2,384 prompts you have to go through just to talk to a live person on the phone.* Incomprehensible instructions on how to put something together.* The $40 to $60 “Trip Fees” that many companies charge to send someone out
to repair whatever it is you need repairing. I firmly believe they copied that
from the airline baggage fee concept.* Companies that charge money for just giving you an “estimate” on their
potentially doing some work for you.* Buying a house that the 231 previous owners before you have modified
and/or repaired just about everything … all the wrong way.* Having repairmen exaggerate or make up the extent of your problem.* Having to pay another company to disprove the above repairmen’s
exaggerations.* Breaking my favorite ceramic butter dish.* Buying a replacement butter dish and promptly breaking it as well
(ceramic dishes and granite counter-tops just don’t like each other).* Not being able to find a decorative butter dish made of unbreakable plastic.I’m sure that all of my readers
(three at last count) have similar things they hate. If so, send them my way
and I will include them in the next installment of “Things I Hate.” Whenever
that is ... depending on my nap schedule, of course.

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About Me

I started writing poetry and lyrics back in my late teens. From there I switched gears and began writing short stories but never giving up my poetry/lyric writings. Later in life I wrote an animated story (Fluffy) before switching gears once again and writing a full length musical play with 20 sets of lyrics (Blind Love). I also wrote, with my son, a modern-day adaptation of A Christmas Carol for my son's annual Christmas play. It is only over the course of the past four years that I felt "inspired" to write my first novel (Flight Surgeon). It took seven weeks of uninterrupted writing to produce the 107,000 plus word novel. On my son's 36th birthday, I "pushed" the button and became a "published" author. In spite of being published, I feel "accomplished" in just having written a novel. Since that time, I have also written a second novel entitled Missing You. Yes, another romantic novel. In between novels, I co-authored a humorous book entitled Understanding Women: A Guide for Male Survival.