Tag: masturbate

The following piece was written by Timothy Perper, PhD (1938-2014) for the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists list serve. It was written several years ago and I feel the need to unearth it again, since the issue still looms large. This was his response to the professional member’s ongoing debate on whether sex addiction actually exists.

Timothy Perper, PhD response to: A self-identified sex addict

Reposted by permission of author from the AASECT listserve (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists)

Names within text, other than author, have been changed.

…I got to thinking about this business of “uncontrollable

sex urge.” I’m NOT — repeat, not, not, not — going to try to define

that; in fact, my point is that a definition suddenly and unexpectedly

EVADES us. I don’t mean just me; I’ve been reading this postings

(nearly 500 of them since 2006, as I just said) — the definition has

been evading all of us. Seems to me that maybe that’s part of the

problem.

When I was a teenager, I too had “uncontrollable sex urges.” My penis,

with a life of its own (a standing joke among men), would get hard in

the middle of high school classes. It just did that — and I wanted to

jerk off. I wasn’t able to talk it down; it ignored me and my

explanations that THIS is not the right time. Or sometimes on subways.

Or at other times.

And later in college, and even later than that, the same thing would

occur again and again: “uncontrollable sex urges.”

Oho! Now we reach a crux in the whole search for a definition.

At some point in college — though not in high school (for reasons I

don’t understand) — I discovered that I could eliminate these

“uncontrollable sex urges” by going to the men’s room, sitting in a

stall with the door locked, and jerking myself off. Then, for some

hours, I had no “uncontrollable sex urges” at all.

In brief, if the definition we are looking for arises from

“uncontrollable PENILE sex urges,” then the solution is simple. Go

find someplace private and masturbate to orgasm. End of that. Yes, I

know that some men have moral and other qualms about masturbation, but

The Erotic Literary Salon will be held Tuesday, March 21. The evening will start with the Adult Sex-Ed Salon a one-hour program devoted to sex and sexuality. The audience will create this month’s theme. They will have the opportunity to pose any questions regarding sex and sexuality anonymously. Sexologist Susana Mayer, PhD, along with co-host Walter will facilitate the Adult Sex-Ed Salon and attendees interested in sharing their knowledge and experiences will join in the discussion.

“Media, Maturity & Masturbation: John and Walter will reprise a reading from five years ago, in which they explain concepts of self-love through the lens of their own respective generations—Baby Boomer and Millennial. Expect healthy doses of humor and confusion as they analyze the decades between using magazines and ubiquitous, free pornography as external aphrodisiacs.”

PHILADELPHIA: The Erotic Literary Salon, unique in the English-speaking world has launched a growing movement mainstreaming erotica. Salons attract a supportive audience of 65 or more individuals. Approximately 15 attendees participate as writers, readers, storytellers, spoken word performers of original works/words of others, the rest just come to listen, enjoy and applaud.

Salons gather the 3rd Tuesday of every month at TIME (The Bohemian Absinthe Lounge), 1315 Sansom Street, Center City, Philadelphia. Doors open at 6:30 p.m., for cocktails, food and conversation. Adult Sex-Ed between 7:00-8:00, readings begin at 8:30. Admission is $12, discounted for students and seniors to $10. Salon attendees must be 21.

Creator of this event, Dr. Susana, is Philadelphia’s best-known sexologist. She lends her voice to the Salon by offering relevant information to support the discussions that arise in the Salon and blog.

“…surprisingly comfortable….Salon devotees praise her for the space she has created….”

“I think Susana is doing a very brave thing.”

Philadelphia Inquirer, February 10, 2010

“There are laughter and tears along with the hot rush of blood – to the face.

Daily News, March 15, 2010

“I never knew such a life of honesty could exist. I finally found a home I can be comfortable in…this event changed my life.

To honor masturbation month the Adult Sex-Ed Salon will focus on self-pleasure. How it benefits sexual health and informs our sexual pleasure with partner/s. Come with lots of questions regarding the act of masturbation, orgasm and ejaculation.

Did you know: …ejaculation and orgasm don’t actually need to happen at the same time. Why? Ejaculation and orgasm are two separate responses to stimulation. Ejaculation refers to the physical reflex that releases semen, and orgasm refers to the feeling of climax or pleasure as a result of physical and/or psychological stimulation.

For some men, orgasm and ejaculation both happen…but not at the same time. Some men may ejaculate after orgasm or before orgasm. Some men may not ejaculate at all. Other men might ejaculate but fail to orgasm.

If a man experiences early, late or no ejaculation, it’s time to see a doctor or urologist. Several different health conditions may influence the way a man’s body responds to stimulation. One example isretrograde ejaculation which occurs when, instead of exiting out of the penis, semen flows into the bladder. While this usually isn’t harmful to a man’s health, he may notice that he doesn’t ejaculate when he orgasms…and, in some cases, retrograde ejaculation can signal a complication with diabetes or medications. David Sobel, M.D., J.D.

Is Female Ejaculation the Same as Orgasm?

When women squirt, is it the same thing as them having an orgasm? Or are they different?

My response:

Female ejaculation (aka “squirting”) involves women releasing fluids through their urethra during sexual excitement or orgasm. It was described in some detail in the 1980s book The G Spot and has since gained all sorts of attention in various porn films. In reality, we don’t understand a whole lot about female ejaculation. Some studies have found that the fluids released are distinctly different from urine; in other research, it seems that some women are emitting a urine-like fluid. Generally, though, women who release fluids during sex are NOT peeing accidentally—just as men are not either. But because both men’s and women’s ejaculations occur through the urethra, there may be some urine-like residue still in the tube.

How common is it for women to squirt? We don’t know as there has been no good population based studies on the subject. Is it the same as orgasm? Well, it happens at the same time as orgasm for some women. Other women, however, squirt but do not orgasm. And even more commonly, women orgasm but do not squirt. In this way, it seems similar to men’s orgasm. Though men usually ejaculate when they orgasm, ejaculation and orgasm are actually two different processes.

Martha Cornog, author of The Big Book of Masturbation has donated a copy of her book to the free raffle tonight. The Adult Sex-Ed Salon will be co-facilitated by Ms. Cornog, Walter and me (Susana Mayer, Ph.D.) Tonight you will get to hear answers to all those questions you didn’t even know existed concerning masturbation.

EBOOK – “SenSexual: A Unique Anthology 2013”

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4 Videos Below-Readings are only recorded at the request of the presenter.

Monica Day performance/reading two poems: The Fifth Year and This is My Body for January 2013 Erotic Literary Salon
M. Dante reading SKIN dedicated to the art and inspiration of Heide Hatry for December 2013 Erotic Literary Salon
Frances' reading,“Go the Fok to Sleep”
Dr. Susana Mayer’s NBC10 interview of “50 Shades of Grey”