Ever thought about what you’d do if the big one hits and you survive the blastwave? Well, the good folks at ready.gov have just the guide for you! A taxpayer-funded website that lets you in on all the insider’s tips to avoid those annoying mutant appendages that are inevitable for the survivors of a nuclear holocaust.

We at Weekly Review know that our readers are all on the go, so instead of reading about how to be prepared for nuclear war, we’ve taken the liberty of recording the text on the Ready.gov website word-for-word and compiled it for you. Our favorite parts are all the disclaimers embedded in this public service announcement. Such as, “potassium iodide may, or may not, protect your thyriod gland”. Thanks, Ready.gov! Because the first thing I’m worried about when a mushroom cloud forms over my head is whether or not my thyroid gland is intact! Also, the fact that potassium iodide (the same ‘stuff’ in table salt) may or may not protect it is very valuable information!

Enjoy the PSA. With it’s own soundtrack! And remember, this wouldn’t be possible without your hard-working tax dollars!