If nothing else, Century Media should give themselves a big pat on the back for a great marketing opportunity they've snagged themselves here. The cinematic/literary masterpiece Twilight and it's subsequent followups really ignited some bizarre new world-wide love of vampires. While sales of Count Chocula have undoubtedly hit a huge spike, we have yet to see any strictly vampire-themed metal and/or metal related products hit the market. Of course we have various gothic bands that have definitely explored the theme of exsanguination, but there's no bands exclusively revolving themselves around the subject. That is, until this waste of time was created.

Too bad Vampires Everywhere! is to metal what Edward is to Nosferatu. Wussified and unthreatening. Unlike Twilight, Vampires Everywhere! isn't really bringing anything new to its form of media, for better or worse. Judging by the press release that went along with this album it's hard to say whether I'm an idiot for trying to review this on a serious level, and Century Media was just a little late getting their April fools day prank together, or this band is something that should be genuinely considered a musical entity. A lead singer who goes by the name of Michael Vampire who apparently considers himself to be an actual vampire really leads me to believe there is no possible way this isn't a joke. Maybe this man (yes, keep in mind this band consists of grown men) just came up with a creative excuse for his iron deficiency. I don't even want to fucking know.

Here's an unpleasant thought for you: This band will be huge. Brace yourselves and mark my words; teenagers are the most researched age group by any type of marketers. As a collective group, they dump the most disposable income into the economy every year. Couple this fact with a band that not only has a widely accessible sound, but also has that androgynous look that can really appeal to screaming teenage girls, while at the same time catering to the new juvenile fascination of vampires, what you've got is one helluva money machine.

.......

...Oh yeah! I forgot there was music...Screamo. Terrible, cringe-inducing screamo/metalcore. Think of an Escape The Fate/Bring Me The Horizon clone, slap on a goofy, yet incredibly marketable gimmick on top and you've pretty much got the idea.

Comments page 3 / 3

I just watch their music video.
I'm laughing so hard because
1) the video is fucking hilarious.
2) my throat is using laughter as a defense mechanism to stop any possibility of me hearing the music to prevent my ears from bleeding.
But still the possibility that this band will be huge in the near future is scaring the crap outta me.

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Void EaterAccount deleted

19.07.2011 - 08:26

Void EaterAccount deleted

The first time I listened to this album, I was shocked. Not because it was perfect, now because it was a failure, but because I had trouble digesting all the emotion that had just hit me. This is, bar none, the most emotional piece of music ever recorded. Simply looking at the album cover gives you an idea of the journey that awaits-who are those people holding hands? Why is one of their hands bleeding? Is this simply a first date, or a farewell? They appear to be in a sort of gothic temple-is the male to reveal that he is in fact a vampire, and that this is his palace? Is he about to make love to his lover, in a location that bears importance to him? One cannot know.

After further listening of this album, all I can say is that is a complete masterpiece, far supperior to such classics as Powerslave and Ride the Lightning. Michael Vampire rips his heart out on those screams, sounding like a vampire being burnt in the sunlight while watching his lover make passionate love to another man. The melodies on this are amazing, they have an amazing sense of beauty yet have a heaviness to them that consistently knocks the listeners socks off. The band really knows how to use auto-tune as an instrument itself, knowing when to and when not to add those vocals-which, as they are sung by the always amazing Michael Vampire, manage to convey a sense of emotion, despite their mild 'fakeness', somewhat like a robotic pinocchio, striving to be a real boy.

You have a great amount of variety here also, songs such as The Embrace, which go at a moderate tempo, allowing the listener to get sucked into the gothic atmosphere, songs such as Immortal Love, where one can feel the distress of Michael Vampire's emotional distress, and songs such as Silver Bullets Don't Kill Vampires, with it's chugging riff that floors the listener with it's bone crushing heaviness before going into it's quasi-electronic chorus, showing that Vampire's Everywhere is also a very progressive band. The song Undead Heart may come across as overtly poppish to the mainstream, but the music perfectly complements the heartfelt lyrics, to meaningful for simple radio listeners to fully comprehend

Of course, the touching ballad Heart For The Heartless is the absolute masterpiece of the album-while many ballads come off as fake, and seem to only exist for the saking of attracting female fans, you can tell that this ballad is authentic, that the band is pouring their soul into the song. It's impossible to describe, but once you get it, the atmosphere becomes superior to heavy metal classics such as Hallowed Be Thy Name and Fade To Black.

Honestly, it's hard to describe how great this album is in mere words. This isn't a collection of songs, this is an experience. This is truly music from the deepest places in our hearts. This is the soundtrack to the diary of a heartbroken vampire. This is Kiss the Sun Goodbye.

But I mean, seeing as how you seem to go to such great lengths in ripping on this band, I can't help but feel that you are a closet-case Vampires Everywhere fan. No need to hide your love, bro; embrace it.

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"Information is not knowledge
Knowledge is not wisdom
Wisdom is not truth
Truth is not beauty
Beauty is not love
Love is not music
Music is THE BEST..." ____Frank Zappa

But I mean, seeing as how you seem to go to such great lengths in ripping on this band, I can't help but feel that you are a closet-case Vampires Everywhere fan. No need to hide your love, bro; embrace it.

Nah, this band is just so easy to make fun of, and I was bored and felt like writing a review. Vampire based pop/metalcore. Just reading that description makes me smile.

I must ask though-If this band is on metalstorm, why is Bring Me The Horizon not on here? I'm not a fan of them, but their first album is far more metal than this.

Step 1: Submit this as a review
Step 2: Rate it a 10
Step 3: Enjoy all the lulz at people flaming over it.
Step 4: Congratz on becoming this site's greatest troll reviewer, even surpassing ponderer.

Seriously, if you don't do it, I will.

Won't work. Because it will be obviously something you tried just to get a laugh so no one will really get offended unlike on the Enslaved review.
Even less if you wrote those steps and I try post them in the very first comment on that review of yours as a warning so everyone will know that is just some lazy try at getting some people to flame each other so I'llask them to not post on your review at all...

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Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29Like you could kiss my ass

Won't work. Because it will be obviously something you tried just to get a laugh so no one will really get offended unlike on the Enslaved review.
Even less if you wrote those steps and I try post them in the very first comment on that review of yours as a warning so everyone will know that is just some lazy try at getting some people to flame each other so I'llask them to not post on your review at all...

Didn't realize you were such a buzzkill, there, Monsieur Doc. It doesn't matter though. I'll write a troll review sometime when you least expect it.