Dreams
August 08, 2016 09:30

Usually, when I'm trying to sleep after going to a nightclub and double-dropping a few ecstasy E tablets, around 14:00 on the Sunday afternoon, and I've been snorting crushed up pills off of my coffee table whilst listening to my favourite dance CDs on top of the pingers I swallowed in the club, usually, when I close my eyes all I can see is polka-dot mountains and rainbow rivers and deep troughs, and I'm flying through them all like in that spaceship fight at the end of Star Wars 1 when they're trying to blow up Darth Vader's house. I'll lose conscious after about an hour and sleep until about 5am on the Monday morning without having any dreams.

After going to watch Scuba down Club Fabric on Saturday night though, when I closed my eyes I wasn't streaming through the sky at all, and I got to sleep after about half an hour. And then I did have a dream. Would you like to know what my dream was, boys and girls?

You would?

Ok, I'll tell you what I dreamed about after deleting three UPS stamps in Room One. I dreamed two separate scenarios running parallel to one another. Firstly, I dreamt that Scuba was hosting Have I Got News For You, and he kept saying the words, "nevertheless, nevertheless" before the start of every sentence. Ian Hislop rolled his eyes more than ever and Paul Merton kept feigning confusion for the delight of the studio audience. Secondly, I was in a hotel room with Scuba (who was lounging on a sofa), someone from Rinse FM (who was standing up) and an unknown person. Scuba had tasked me with the...task of recording the intro to his radio show from an accident and emergency stairwell in a west London hospital. Why? I'll never fucking know, it was a dream.

When I woke up, I wondered what it all meant and I said to myself, "I'll never fucking know, it was a dream." I went downstairs, had a wank and began to write today's blog post.