Follow Blog via Email

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Advertisements

God Knew What I Needed

I’ve had a tough week. We just moved across the country to Virginia. Justin and I are both from California. I was born and raised there and had lived in the same house my entire life. So, this is a big change for me. Justin has done this before since he has to leave every season, usually on the East Coast. It doesn’t mean it’s easier for him to leave because it isn’t. He is simply more experienced in this change than I am. But, like I said, for me this whole experience is unfamiliar; being away from my family, my friends, my dog, not knowing where I’m at when I’m 10 minutes from our own apartment, living somewhere new in general. ALL NEW. To top it off, there is not much to do in this town. We drove around all day, literally through every part of town and I don’t think we pinched the gas at all. I’m not kidding.

This isn’t about me complaining about the changes I’ve been struggling with because we are so blessed to be living this life. I signed up for this life and I’ll be the first one to say it before anyone else does. I chose to live with him and leave my hometown. That doesn’t mean I can’t complain or I can’t struggle, because I can. It is inevitable when adjusting to a fully new surrounding.

I am here to be completely transparent and honest with you and tell you about my recent struggle and how God came through to show me exactly what I never knew I needed.

I arrived in Virginia on Saturday morning (12 a.m.- so pretty much Friday night), which makes it a little over one whole week since I’ve lived here. On Thursday morning Justin left with his team for their first away series, which means I was left here in Virginia alone. Virginia being a place at the time that I had only been in for 6 whole days. At this point, the only person who made me feel safe and like everything was going to be fine while we were away from our family was now a little too far for comfort. He was in another state about five hours away, which means the team was not commuting back and forth each day for this away series.

Ok- Here’s where it gets real. I suffer from anxiety, like I was legitimately prescribed medication for it. I’m being transparent about it because I’ve realized there’s more people out there that also suffer from it and it is okay. I’m with you if you’re that person and it doesn’t change who we are.

So, I have anxiety right? I’m in a new town with not a single person surrounding me that I know. I FREAKED THE FREAK OUT. Thursday (the day he left), I didn’t know what to do. Our apartment is pretty bare. We have the basic necessities to live, but nothing to make this place feel homey. We don’t have cable and Netflix can only keep me so occupied. I laid in bed until I was bored out of my mind. I cried a lot. I texted all my friends and family to get my mind off of it and tried to tell myself there was familiarity around me when I was on the phone with them or texting them. Once the conversations ended I was back to square one. I don’t think I’ve ever been that kind of lonely before, ever. Sounds super dramatic right? You’d only understand the realness of it if you’ve ever been in the position I was in, which most baseball wives do go through. What made it worse was that it wasn’t just a two day series or something. He was gone from early Thursday morning to late Sunday evening, which makes it hard for me to grasp because I have to do this back to back to back days/nights.

I struggled. HARD. I knew this was part of the lifestyle, I just didn’t expect it to be that lonely. There will be many more road trips where I’ll be in the same situation which is why I cried and I prayed. I asked God to give me the strength I needed so my husband didn’t have to feel guilty about leaving me when he does have to take a road trip for an away series. I asked God to make this transition easier for me. I asked God for the days to fly by until he was back. I asked God to not let me give up and want to move back to California this soon.

Friday morning (my week mark) was a new day and I knew I had to keep myself thoroughly occupied. I decided to explore some more, even though I had seen a majority of the town already. I found a cute coffee shop on Yelp! and headed there to get myself out of the apartment and the Target I’d been circling every day since I’ve been here.

Once I got to this cute little coffee shop, I looked around and every chair was filled. With my lack of will to make myself feel like I belonged in this town I almost walked out, but something told me to stay. Might have been the smell of the coffee or it could have been Jesus, pretty sure it was a combination of both.

I ordered my coffee and I had the nicest barista. We made small talk and she asked me if I wanted to try the sweet chai or the spicy chai. I informed her that I’d never been to the coffee shop before so whatever she liked best I’d take. She asked me if school brought me to town because one of the main things in this area is Liberty University, kind of a big deal. I told her about Justin playing for a minor league team in town, hence why we moved across the country. She was really sweet and once I finished ordering, a seat opened up. Things were starting to feel more comfortable, but I was still anxious about everything. A few minutes later she called out my drink and she gave me her phone number. She said she’d love to be my first friend here and that her husband and her would love to get to know Justin and I because they know what it was like being new to a town without knowing anyone.

I NEARLY CRIED.

I prayed for so many things, but I didn’t pray for genuine kindness in the people who surrounded me. I didn’t pray for a friend.

God knew. He knew I was hopeless and the kindness that girl showed me when she didn’t need to was everything that I needed at that moment. She didn’t know my struggle or that I was struggling at all. I was so overwhelmed with this feeling of hope and I knew it was all of God’s work.

God gave me the hope I was longing for. He showed me exactly what I needed when I needed it most. Not a second too soon or a second too late. I’m forever thankful for how faithful my God is. I was gently reminded in that coffee shop of how He will guide me through my trials and through this new path we’ve embarked on.

Some people might think it isn’t a big deal, but it was exactly what my little heart needed. I walked around town with more hope and confidence than what I had left my apartment with that morning.

I wanted to share that little story with y’all because I know some people don’t know what this lifestyle brings and people assume it’s glamorous and fun. It’s fun, it’s memorable, but it is tough. God placed Justin and I here on this unique journey because we can handle it.

My husband was just away on the road for the first time this season.. I had 5 days of being alone AND no internet or cable (just got it installed yesterday!) You are so right about it being LONELY! I think the best thing you can do, in my experience, is to just get out of the house. even if it’s just for coffee or a walk. I drive myself crazy when I’m inside by myself for too long! haha