March Madness

Oh, whoa! I just saw my right hand typing when I was struck cold in my thoughts: “Oh, really! This is my hand? Yikes! You have got to be kidding. In a sick way, it took my breath away.

I was shocked at this random observation. I had just been thinking about March and how much I have always loved my birth month. Already this morning I have taken two trips from our home in wildly different weather patterns. The heather is blooming and breath taking, if I say so myself! Bouquets of witch Hazel, flowering cherry, and crab apple branches fill the rooms in our home. Bouquets of primroses and daffodils grace counters and tables. (I need to go buy more tulips.) Hope and life abound in anticipation of what is coming. March is in its full spring today! Our gardens are erupting, worms are on the patio, branches are flying across the yard and birds are being blown by the wind, while rain pounds my raincoat hood. I love the force of spring.

“It was one of the March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light and winter in the shade.” Charles Dickens, Great Expectations.

Quite a few springs ago, my husband went to an acupuncturist who told him why his body might be feeling as disrupted as his symptoms exhibited. He said that 70% of the earth’s growth occurs in eight weeks time! Crazy reality! It is a time of massive eruption, realignment and movement. It is also called the period of warriors when the armies go to war. It is a period of chaos and decisions that do not need to be made and possibly should not be made because often we are implosive, combative and caught up in the chaos.

“Everything is blooming recklessly: if it were voices instead of colors, there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of night.” Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters of Rainer Maria Rilke

Children actually grow a bit more in spring than other times. People get spring fever, a term applied to several sets of physical and psychological symptoms associated with the arrival of spring. In general, it refers to an increase in energy, vitality and sexual appetite, often particularly strong in those suffering from seasonal affective disorder. Sometimes spring fever can be the opposite. Weariness, dizziness, and irritability can intrude into our households. My husband has his second re-occurrence of vertigo this spring. It leveled him last spring as well.

Hormone balance plays a role too. The body’s reserve of the “happiness hormone,” serotonin, whose production depends on daylight, becomes exhausted over winter. Our bodies are connected to the earth! This winter has been a rough one for most of our country. When the days become longer the body readjusts its hormone levels, and more endorphins, testosterone and estrogen are released. This may put a heavy strain on the body. We are His creation and we too have had to go deep into our reserves physically and spiritually during the dark, winter months just as the earth and the seeds within have done.

“It’s spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you’ve got it, you want it-oh, you don’t quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so.” Mark Twain

The aroma of today and colors are vibrant to my long depleted eyes, heart and senses. My joy is great as I look around. I feel invigorated with hope and anticipation. This is one month you will not hear me complain about the rain.

Back to my right hand! It looks like my mother-in-law’s hand and she is almost 91! Seriously, I am a bit freaked out. Just a bit ago, I was doing yoga with a room filled with young women and felt the energy and vitality around me. The music, the peppermint aromatherapy on my collarbone, the release of goodness that comes from stretching, balancing and breathing in 95 plus degree heat enlivened me. Joy and gratefulness accompanied me home.

But now, this wrinkled hand with blue protruding veins confronts me with a different reality. That is, I am way past half way to heaven! So much for my birth month, I am way closer to my death month. I think age 27 is when our body starts “going downhill.” But at 27 I did not feel like I was going downhill. I was just beginning to have babies and so much life and goodness was ahead. It seems the best is over…if I choose to stop at the sight of my right hand.

Yes, that is what happened. I plummeted like the birds in the wind out my window. I stopped dead and forgot to look ahead. Ahead to a life of trusting in ways I have never had to before. Trusting in His strength with a depleting body. Trusting in a new way of living that means more grace to keep living. A new grace of appreciation of what has been. A new grace of appreciation of what will be. (A new grace of giving care to a husband with vertigo!) A new “next thing.” You see, it’s all new ahead even with a body fading away. There is a new trust going on with my Heavenly Father. The spring abounds with newness and hope. The remaining days of my life I will cling to the hope of what is not seen but what I hold to be true. There is a new day where this right hand will be made new.

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Becky Allender lives on Bainbridge Island with her loving, wild husband of 36 years. A mother and grandmother, she is quite fond of sunshine, yoga, Hawaiian quilting and creating 17th Century reproduction samplers. A community of praying women, loving Jesus, and the art of gratitude fill her life with goodness. She wonders what she got herself into with Red Tent Living!

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18 replies to March Madness

I so connected with your words – “at the sight of my aging right hand” – I too have been noticing my “old” hands! My thoughts went to all that my hands have done in my lifetime……and yes too – the thoughts of ‘last half of my life is where I am’… and what I will choose to see in that. I will be buying tulips today – the kids are coming – and there will be “sunshine” !

Thank you Becky for the reminder of spring and all the goodness that it holds…even for my aging body. I love your awareness of the new life coming in spring…my senses are awakened…my heart is glad…my right hand has brown spots…you cause me to smile. Love you, girl!

The inspiration to invite spring inside with all the beauty you described fills me with hope and excitement to do the same! Thank you for your reminder that we don’t have to ‘stop dead’ but rather we have opportunity to see and bring life to where we are now-no matter what age. Love your post!

Becky, your writing is inspiring! My favorite line from your entry, “I love the force of spring.” It speaks to me of the Father’s love, such power, such force, such love, such grace, together, inseparable. I love our birth month too. 🙂 I also breathed in your quotes:
“It was one of the March days when the sun shines hot, and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light and winter in the shade.” I experienced that these last two days. If I could just escape the cold breeze, I could bask in the warmth of the sunshine. I guess that’s why cats love sitting in windows. 🙂 Thank you, my dear friend for sharing your heart and your lovely insights.

Your comment about hands reminded me of the time I looked at my hands while I was demonstrating to high school students how to thread the sewing machine. I was in my mid twentys and had recently started painting my nails. I looked at my hands and thought “those are not my hands, they are my mothers” (she painted her nails) it is quite a shock to feel so foreign about a body part. Today at it seems my mother greets me when I enter the house, the first thing a see is myself/ her in the mirror when I enter my hallway. Aging is not easy.
It is cold here in Ohio, we had blustery cold winds and no sign of spring. Thanks for the beautiful tulips.

Dear lovely sister, oh my. Yes, mother is with us in our bodies and minds! No, aging is not easy but it is a gift to embrace with hope and gratitude! Your hands have always been beautiful hands of service in so many ways. Hooray for hands!

I had a roommate years ago who told me mine looked like those of an old woman. I was much young(er) then, but took it as she meant it, as a compliment. She was a heel-wearing, manicure-getting, nine to five gal, and I was a hippie. She was a bit jealous of the ruddy ruggedness of my hard working hands. I was humbled, but had to agree that my hands had a beauty about them because of the things they’d been doing. Caring for babies and those nearing death; cleaning up kitchens and bathrooms; holding on for dear life while hopping a freight train, and getting me where I needed to go with my thumb stuck out. And, so on…..

And, it’s funny, but I still wear my wedding band and engagement ring, despite having been divorced. A bit of hand jewelry which reminds me of what God gave to me in marriage. I save it there for my son’s bride someday, and as a reminder of the faithfulness of God to grant what our hearts’ desire.

Each season brings with it blessings and challenges. And at sunrise and sunset every day we get a rainbow, of sorts (have you ever noticed how the entire sky at dawn and dusk is rainbow colored?) There is no reason for us to fear the future. Heck, we’ve lived through the past! I like what my friend Nora told me years ago…the future is like a bunch of gifts waiting to be opened, given by a kind and loving father. Help us, Lord, to remember your goodness to us which NEVER FAILS.

Dear Kelli! I loved your hand stories!!! Thank you, my fellow, former hippie friend. That is so cool about your wedding band and engagement ring. I love that about you. You embrace so wildly the good of so, so much around you. It is contageous!!! Your friend Nora sounds so wise…I need to think of that more and more! Ah, yes…His goodness never fails.

I have never thought of spring as bring forceful or disruptive, but it makes sense in the context of your words. How that then is played out in our bodies as we are connected to the earth – fascinating! And I have to say it feels very validating based on all I have been feeling even today. We are a ways here from the beautiful explosions of color, but I am anticipating them with great hope after reading your words!

Isn’t it crazy the eruptive wildness and force of spring! It is a wonder we don’t fall down with awe and exhaustion watching it happen each year! Mind boggling! Hooray for anticipation because there is goodness in the waiting and hoping that makes the embracing when it happens even better. “Hurry up, Michigan, thaw out!”

Thank you for inspiring me to trust in His strength with a depleting body. I keep getting the message that when we are weakest He is strongest. I am struggling to accept the physical limitations that are part of the aging process, but it sure is a reminder to lean on God in everything.

Your vertigo-riddled husband blessed me immensely this week. Thank you for loving him so well. I loved being able to picture your beautiful face when he referenced you (often!). And thank you for the gift of your words.

Aunt Becky! What a great article, I’ve been meaning to leave a message here for a while. Can’t believe how good of a writer you are. You are super talented. Looking forward to your visit this June. Can’t wait to see you. Love you lots. xoxo