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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Noah's Story

November 4, 2009 was the happiest day of our lives. Our beautiful son and first born Noah Joseph Rogers was born at 9:39am weighing in at a healthy 8lb 3oz. He had personality right from the start. Once he started smiling at 6 weeks old, he never stopped. He brought so much joy to everyone’s lives. He LOVED people. He was a true gift to his mommy and daddy, family and friends. His laughter was contagious and he was learning so many great tricks such as SO BIG that he loved showing everyone he came in contact with.He was saying da-da like crazy but wanted no part of saying ma-ma. He was learning to walk and was the absolute light of our lives.

Sadly, we never knew that the greatest love of our life would be taken away from us at just 11 months old. On October 7, 2010 I was leaving work and on my way to pick up Noah from daycare when I received the call that changed my life forever. It was the police department saying they had Noah at the Maple Grove Hospital and we needed to get there immediately. He was taking a nap at daycare and was found unresponsive.I prayed and prayed the entire drive to the hospital. Please save my perfect boy! He's only 11 months and I can't live without him so he HAS to be ok. As soon as I walked through the emergency room doors and saw him, I knew he was gone. There were so many doctors working on him, so many machines, so many tubes. My baby boy was laying lifeless on the table, slightly blue and cold. Scott and my family arrived shortly after that. The doctor told us they had tried to revive him for an hour but he was gone. My own flesh and blood that I carried for 9 months and played with for 11 months – just gone. We were in a complete state of shock as we spent the next few hours just being with Noah. We got to hold him and they gave me a lock of his hair and his final footprints.

We later found out from the medical examiner that he had no medical problems or injuries of any kind. He did not suffocate on his blanket, it was not because he was sleeping on his stomach, and it was not the environment he was in. He just died. They are able to tell as the respiratory tract was shut down immediately with no signs of struggle. He breathed out and just never breathed back in. They claimed it to be Sudden Unexpected Infant Death. It's terrifying to know that as a parent you do everything in your power to make sure your children are safe. We were the best parents we could be to Noah and we find comfort in that. We gave him everything we could, we always made sure he was safe and happy. Somehow he died anyways and we will never have the answers but we hope to live on and dedicate our lives to his memory. He was the greatest most amazing little boy in the world. We love him more than we even knew our hearts could love. We only got 11 months with him, but they were the BEST 11 months of our lives.

We decided to create this blog for several reasons: for a place to tell stories about Noah, a place to write our feelings and grieve, a place for others to follow our progress if they wish, a place to announce upcoming events we will attend or put on in memory of Noah, and most of all a place for other people who God for bid might be in this situation someday. I have found comfort in reading the blogs of other parents who have lost a child as it’s taught me that somehow life will move on and time will start to heal this horrific pain. I hope to provide that for anyone else who may need it.

Life without Noah is something we never imagined. We thought we’d watch him play soccer like his daddy, go to school, dance at his wedding, and be there when his children were born. We had so many plans for him and we never knew life could be cut short. We know that now we have Noah as our gaurdian angel forever. He will watch over us and our family and always be with us. We see him in rainbows and the brightest stars in the sky.

He taught us so much in his short 11 months: How to love to the fullest, how to not take a single day for granted, how to laugh all the time and find the “fun” in everything, and most of all he taught us that being a parent is the GREATEST joy in the world to us and we hope to have it again someday.

Thank you Jenna and Scott for sharing your story of love and being so open about your feelings. I hope writing this gives you strength to move forward day by day... and that is my hope for both you and Scott.Thinking of you both - and sending a :)A.Rohn

Thank you so much for sharing, I cant even imagine how hard it must have been to write what happened, I was in tears reading it. But you are very brave for sharing and having this for us all to keep his memory alive, its very sweet. Your absolutely right though, that he will always be with you. And even though it may be the hardest thing to do sometimes to just smile, at least he'll be watching and know that you are ok at times, cause as much as you miss him he misses you and Im sure with him watching that he wants nothing more than to see you happy like he remembers. Its probably more easy said than done. Just take one day at a time and we wish you happiest and love. We may have not seen each other much, but from your pictures and statuses and comments, I know you two were the best parents a kid could have. Your all ways in our prays. love Shannon and Jay

I only know of you and your family through a co-worker who is also a great friend. I know right now you my not feel this - but you have been blessed with a great gift - may God keep Noah and your family in his arms forever .

Jenna and Scott,Thank you for sharing such a moving story. As a parent myself, you two are so strong for what you are going through. He sounds like a loving wonderful little boy and he will never be forgotten. He is shining down on you everyday. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. Kati Juaire

Your strength is amazing! With him as your guardian angel, you both will be forever loved and blessed! You will have another baby someday that will have the greatest big brother ever. Lots of love to you both- Jamie & Jordan

I think of you both every day...I have told both Jeff and Kristen of the pain our family feels for you....Jenna thank you and Scott for sharing the pure joy your gorgeous son brought to your lives. Noah is your "forever baby" your angel, the "true love" of both of your lives. Please feel the support that we all send you from every part of the universe...Rainbows forever, Ellen and Peter Marks, Southington, CT

Jenna - Your strength in telling Noah's story is amazing. This is such a beautiful tribute to your amazing little boy. You, Scott and Noah are in my prayers each day. Every rainbow I see makes me think of Noah and smile.

Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. I know this blog will be helpful to many people who have loved and lost. Even though I never knew your little boy, he has touched my heart with the warm smile I see in his pictures. I continue to pray for you and your family, Jenna, everyday. God is good.

Thanks so very much for sharing your story with us. my kids and I have been reading the blog and have been talking about Noah tonight. they all wish very much to have met him. they said with that great big smile he will always be with us. god bless

So well written. I can't imagine having to go through what you both have been through. To lose a child is truly the hardest thing a parent can have happen to them. Yet you both have found strength from each other and from the support that you have received from friends and family. You two weren't the only ones blessed by Noah's presence. We were all blessed whether we knew him or not, having had such a beautiful spirit in our midst if only for a short time. I truly look up to you both for your strength and endurance, from one parent to another. I wish our little ones could have met. Love to you both and keep on writing. xoxo

You two are blessed with such a beautiful guardian angel. I am so happy that you are sharing Noah's story. I cried while reading it. I have shared it with some of my close family and friends. Everyone has been praying for all of you. You both have shown such strength through this time. Your family will always stay in my prayers. God Bless.-Jamie Ehlers

Jenna & Scott,I think of your family and I think of Noah often. Each time I look at Payton I think of Noah. I love that you have started a blog. I know it has helped me to blog about Payton. My heart aches for you both. There are soo many thing I want to say, but am at a loss for words. I know Noah is with you each and every day and will remain a focus of your lives. In just 11 months he has touched so many people lives with his love, laughter and spirit. You are amazing parents, a loving couple and giving friends. Lee and I are here for you if you ever want to talk. I am glad you have found comfort in other families whom you can share your story with.

Thank you for sharing your story about Noah. It was so well written and filled with so many important life lessons. I broke down in tears reading it. Your strength and outlook is truly remarkable. Thinking of you both often and wishing you many "rainbow-filled" days going forward.

Jenna and Scott,Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and pray. I printed off a picture of Noah from fb and have it in the front of my classroom; my students and I pray for you daily. One of my senior classes wanted to write to you and I'll be sending their notes to your mom's. I know that Noah had the best home any child could want, and for that, HE was blessed for his short 11 months. I know that your pain will lessen a little over time, but nothing can fill the void you feel. Your family and friends and future babies will help you to go on and be happy as Noah would want you to. I love you so much, Jenna and wish I could hug you tight. --Melanie Kling

Thank you for sharing your heart-felt story, and for allowing those of us who never knew Noah to get to know his shiny, happy personality. I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers during what must be an incredibly difficult season. Wishing you lots of rainbows in the future.--Jen Crystal (Jeff's FHS classmate)

Noah Joseph Rogers was the most adorable kid i have ever seen! Obviously i am slightly biased, but i can truthfully say that Noah would have been a Harvard graduate someday. He couldn't even talk yet, and yet he was so very smart! He would tell you in his own way when he was all done eating, you certainly knew when to stop trying to feed him a bottle, and the little man could play the piano. When he showed everyone how big he was, you just knew that this kid was going to be something special! I will definitely never forget the last time i hung out with my best buddy...he saw me from a distance lying flat on my stomach on the floor, and he crawled all the way over to me and up my back while laughing and smiling. It was the coolest thing i had ever experienced in my life! It was exactly who Noah was, a ball of fun! There were so many unforgettable times with him, i wish i could just write them all. Unfortunately for me, i missed out on 2 months of Noah's life while i was away. But when i came home that day, i went right over to see him when he got home. I couldn't believe how much he had grown up! He really was my favorite person in the world! I love you Noah, you are never more than one thought away! I love you Scott and Jenna, I hope to see you both soon!

Your story deffinitly brought tears to my eyes, My daughter is 11 months old and i dont know what I would do without her, they would have to put me in a mental institution. That is so scary that sids is still possible at this age, that makes me not want to put her to bed. I hope you are healing and are okay.

I just want to say I'm so sorry, from the bottom of my heart. I accidentally came across your blog and couldn't help but want to read more and more about your precious little guy. I have a son who was born in September of 2009, so just the thought of it could be me or anyone else breaks my heart. I feel for you I really do, but I also admire you for the strength you've shown and even tho I know I mustn't be easy, you've pulled through. You have great memories (and photos) to cherish forever. May God keep giving you the wisdom to go on. Hugs

I've been following your blog for a few months now..accidentally came across it. I have a daughter who is 13 months now and she stopped breathing for a little while and was unresponsive for 15 mins when she was a month old. Since then, nights and naps are my biggest enemies! I am soo deeply sorry for your loss!! It just breaks my heart! Noah is a very beautiful little boy..and you sound like a very proud mommy :)! I do admire your blog, your healing process and you sound like a truly amazing person and mom:). Please keep up this blog!My thoughts and prayers are with all of you!Hugs, Silvia

You don't know me, but I am friend of Tiffany's. As a mother of two sweet little boys, my heart breaks reading this. It is a parent's greatest fear. I love how eloquently you write about beautiful Noah and his life. He was lucky to have parents like you and you blessed him with so much love while here on earth! May God bless you and give you peace.

My darling son Simon was born November 4th, 2010 and died for no reason March 17th, 2011, and I've been searching through SIDS blogs and I came upon yours and I just want to say I'm terribly sorry that your baby died and thank you for writing about it so people like me can read it on their grief journey.

Like the post above. We too lost our beautiful 4 month old baby boy August to SIDS on 11/21/10. The worst day of our lives. Thank you for sharing your story. Noah was a gorgeous baby boy! I wont forget your family's story you will be in my thoughts.

I was scanning through my regular baby center e-mails this morning, and a page led to another which led to another… and I found myself on Noah’s Page.I’m sure that words cannot describe the pain you and your husband went through. I have a six month old beautiful son, and he is currently sleeping on the bed next to me. I love him so much that I can’t imagine how someone can go through your tragedy and stay wise, sensible, collected and graceful as you and your husband are.I was looking at Noah’s pictures and just fell in love with him. His smile just lit the background in each picture. He looked like a big boy, who carried himself very well! One cannot imagine how SIDS can be so mysterious and evil to take such strong beautiful life. But just to let you know that today, Noah has touched a new life. His beautiful smile and story taught me that each day of life is special, that NOTHING can be taken for granted, and that even if someone as little and helpless as Noah left this world, yet his marks can still go on through his story that makes us understand life a bit more.I was crying hard when I read your blog, and my son was staring at me, unable to comprehend why mommy was crying. This was the first time he ever saw me cry. I was surprised that he just climbed on my side, and gave me a hug! After that he climbed down, held my finger, and went into sleep. A new emotional milestone has been achieved by my son today… and I can’t but thank Noah for that :-) Congratulations on you beautiful newborn baby. I am sure that you will enjoy his beautiful existence. You both seem like EXCELLENT parents, and this beautiful boy will give you all the joy that you deserve. Just a personal request, please don’t let the fear of SIDS destroy the beautiful time you will spend with your baby. I’m also very very worried about SIDS, yet I always convince myself that whats gonna happen will happen… no matter what! I have a baby breathing monitor that I clip on my son’s diaper to detect breathing. Its called Snooza Halo. It gives a loud alarm if baby stopped breathing so that one can do CPR immediately, and maybe… just maybe… help save one life.May Noah rest in peace, and may your family enjoy the peace that will be driven by memories of the short lived life of beautiful Noah.Ruby

I truly think that we begin our healing when we can tell stories of how our angels touched our lives, rather than how they died. Your pictures of Noah were beautiful and showed me what a wonderful little boy you had. Once we can talk about our children with a smile on our face the stronger we can be to help support other parents and families working through their loss. Thank you for sharing.

Jenna, Scott, Noah, and Oliver I do not know you, but your words reach out to many. A dear friend of mine lost her baby boy and is following your blog for the exact reason you wrote it...to heal and to help heal others. Thank you for doing this, now I am going to sneak into my baby boy's room and hold him and take that moment to pray for all God's Children to be Held.

I somehow stumbled to your blog and I am sitting here at work, crying and heartbroken. My son, Declan, has a story identical to your son Noah's. He stopped breathing at daycare and was airlifted to Children's hospital in the cities. Our medical examiner also told us there was no reason for his passing and called it Sudden Unexplained Death of an Infant. Our sweet little boy was only 3 months old. My heart breaks for you and your family, me and my family and for all the other families that have to go through this. I am still struggling (as I am sure I will be forever) and trying to cope. Declan passed away on the 14th of February 2012. Thank you for showing me life does go on.

I came across your blog randomly, I read through your posts...thank you for sharing your journey. I hope I never have to travel this path, my daughter turned 11 months on the 9th. Take comfort in knowing that your beautiful Noah has his wings and that heaven is only a smile away....he is in the breeze, the raindrops and the sunshine. So very sorry for your loss, enjoy the memories you do have and know that one day you will meet again and I bet when you do he'll saying "mama" left and right =-)