Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Fear

Wow what a great morning! I somehow didn't expect to see myself down 4.4 lbs when I got on the scale, but I am so excited! The Bodybugg is doing it's job of helping me keep closer track on calories in and calories out. It's basic math, but you need the information that your body doesn't just naturally give you. I had a bit of fun the first CF WOD I wore the Bodybugg for, in my 21 minute WOD I burned over 900 calories. Incinerated is more like it. I would have had no idea if it weren't for this nifty little device. And now that I am used to wearing it, I don't really mind it at all. It's not a perfect device, and the software isn't as intuitive as I would like, but it's a wonderful bit of technology and it's extremely helpful.

Fear has been on my mind lately. It's been a topic of several conversations with many people and it's making me sit up and take notice. We all deal with fear. There are times I feel fear circling around me like a bird that is waiting to strike its prey. That's a bit melodramatic, but isn't fear like that? When fear exists, happiness and joy are gone. Fear is a liar, a cheater, and a thief. But it's powerful. It imprisons us daily. We don't do because we fear the outcome. We remain the same because we fear the unknown. We don't take the risk and jump because we fear falling and failing. Fear binds and shackles our dreams and potential and leaves us mired in mediocrity. Fear is powerful, and it's a lie. One that we cannot listen to any longer and expect our lives to change.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 A short passage that I keep coming back to over and over again as this process goes on. Here is the internal dialogue that goes on in my head after I read that.

"But what about when I'm scared about..."Do not be afraid

"But this is completely uncharted territory for me!"I am with you wherever you go

"But I don't know if I can do this!" (serious whining here)Be strong and courageous.

And there again, I am reminded that fear is not an option.

WOD

Resting my knees still. Going to try CF in the morning again. I will say no to box jumps. For now.

There was a tremendous amount of fear in starting this blog. A public chronicle of my weightloss efforts? I seriously questioned my sanity! There was a long list of fears, some of them bigger than others. It was an act of faith and courage beyond myself and my capacity that propelled me forward. These are among my greatest fears, all that I am telling you about my life and heart and hurts, here they are.

I fear the unknown.
I don't know how this process will change me, and I don't know how I will still be me after it's completed.
I don't know what it's like to be a non-plus sized girl.
What will life be like?
Will I make it?

I find, however, that as I call forth my fears from the darkness out into the light, they aren't as big as I once thought they were. I can clear my throat and speak the following truths of myself: I am strong. I am courageous. I am not afraid.

1 comment:

You're scared of the dark!?! Nuh-ugh!!!That Joshua verse was my mom's go-to verse when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. We had to perform at children's birthday parties the weekend after she found out and as we drove around, she had me read that verse over and over again. I'll never forget that.ANYway, man, have I had to deal with fear in the last four years (and really, it was a huge part of my entire life leading up to that point--the anxiety just made it more obvious!). We have to kick fear in the teeth because it is not of God!You are brave doing this--and I'm sure you have to summon courage every single day, like any of us who do not live in the sidelines.It's crazy-scary....but so worth it!!!! P.S. I told the truth about fear here. There are other posts on the blog, too. http://proudgrits.blogspot.com/2009/01/cwo-cafe-chat-for-jan-10.html

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About Me

Hi my name is Kendra, I'm from Phoenix, Arizona and I love life here in the desert. I share a home with my wonderful husband Rob and our little dog Bloo. My life is filled with love and laughter and I am tackling my weight and health issues with all the drive, passion and attention I need. I'm excited about this journey and I hope you follow me, I need the company!