I've been running a show that is too big for me to handle. I'm at my limit. Strung out. Kaput.

And Jenny is to blame. She is the one that said, "You can do it! You have to do it! Everyone will help." Dear sweet girl that she is. God love her, she's just a sucker for a good party and she couldn't abide the fact that I wasn't going to throw the Meeker Extravaganza this year.

She talked me into it. Damn her.

I've have spent the last few weeks of my life in a haze, choking on what I had bit off.

Rosie worked diligently to save my sanity. She picked up the slack. She changed poopy diapers and loaded the dishwasher and and cut and pasted and arranged things to look just the way I like them. She is a saint and when I look at her I think I can make out the slight aura of a halo about her head.

But still...

I had a moment earlier this week when I swore that I was going to call everything off. No party. No Secondsister Winter collection. No church stuff. No more screaming baby. No more getting showered in the morning.

My little sister sent Thom an ant farm for his birthday. Isn't she sweet? Isn't she just a peach? I was so thankful I sent her daughter a full pack of Lick-Um-Stick sugar powder.

Anywho, she sent these ants and I was sitting, in despair, on The Boy's bed watching the ants. Let me tell you, those ants, they are hard workers. They seemed to be in a frenzy to move the sand around to create a little cozy space deep down in the habitat. They moved the sand grain by grain until they had it just so.

In my delirium, I realized something. And bear with me here, because this may seem like a very odd analogy, but like I said, I was a little crazed at the time. I realized that I could really learn something from those ants.

For the past month all I've heard is bad news. This person is getting divorced. This person's child has scarlet fever. Bankruptcy, family fights, death, rehab. No one had good news to tell me. I was getting down right depressed.

I realized Jenny was right. We needed a party. We needed to create a cozy little space where things were good and fun and lighthearted. And the way to make it happen was to take it on grain by grain.

So Rosie and I worked like the ants. At times crawling over each other to get the job done. And Jenny, because she is true blue, showed up at the eleventh hour to bust her tail and help us out.

And then the guests showed up. Fifty or so people with smiles and veggie platters and baba ganoush. And some of them had really good news to share. This person is pregnant. That girl just sold her first novel. This couple is being considered by two birth mothers! Weight loss, new jobs, goals met, birthdays!

And in just a few hours, it all became worth it. I nestled with my friends in our happy little space in the Universe and we celebrated. AND we raised a nice chunk of change for a family in need. I always have a raffle with really great prizes donated by all my uber talented friends and this year we raised more money than ever before.

I find that each year, more than anything, this party, this crazy party, reminds me what great friends I have. They are generous and funny and interesting and I really don't feel worthy.

So the truth is this:

It is only possible for me to live a creative, artful, fulfilling life because I am surrounded by people willing to help me. In a way, my entire life is photo shopped before you see it here. I seldom mention all the dirty work behind the scenes, but you should know, the truth is, there is dirty work to do and I have an army of amazing cronies that are there for me.

So if you are reading this, and you are one of those cronies, I just want to say thanks.

I owe you one.

The quote at the beginning of this post was taken from Richard Nixon's nomination acceptance speech.

Now that you know my secrets, the truth of how I do all the things I do, we must never speak of this again. I really like the photoshopped me.

I routinely used to get in over my head. People would convince me...I could do it so well, etc. I really had to learn to be my own 'personal manager' and say no to more things. I still dive in occasionally (and sometimes regret it) but I'm getting better and saving more of myself for my family, and my sanity for me!

What a great blog you have...and we all feel like this sometimes...the "right before the party freak-out" personality disorder is a norm in my house. (And my parties look like NOTHING compared to what you have done!)I think something has been in the air this month with bad news...it seemed like everything hit within a week, but then it's all better and good now.Enjoyed reading...