You won’t have sex for at least two months after your child is born

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The birth of a child is supposed to bring couples closer together, and in a way it does. You’ll find yourselves spending an inordinate amount of time together at 3 a.m. folding laundry and cleaning crayon marks off the walls. Just don’t expect to spend much time together between the sheets.

Not only will your wife be too exhausted to satisfy your needs, but she also may not feel up to task physically. Studies have shown that pregnancy and lactation significantly lower a woman’s sex drive by decreasing her usual supply of testosterone-related hormones, estrogen and DHEAS. Add to that the possibility of postpartum depression, negative body image and vaginal dryness, and it’s easy to see why many new mothers have zero interest in dancing the horizontal mamba.