Back in my day (early 2000), you had to drive to the Sportmart in the dodgy end of Tacoma, buy a $400 foosball table on your 18.9% interest rate credit card, use Diana’s El Camino to lug it back to the house you rented junior year with six other people, assemble it, derive an entire year of joy from it, then argue about who should lug it to the two-person apartment you rented senior year before giving it up and leaving it in the junior house for the next group of hoopleheads.

You kids today have it easy! All you need is an iPad and a hundred bucks. No driving to Sportmart, no El Camino, no spending $400 you don’t have, no leaving it behind because you can’t move it. Actually, it’s only $75 on Amazon. Again, you kids today have it easy.

Man, this thing even has field-level instant replay when you score goals, too. You kids today. You want for nothing.