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The Fightmare before Saturnalia, part one of something.

The Fightmare before Saturnalia, part one of something.

Posted: Thu Dec 19, 2013 6:48 am

by loafofcheese

(The Kurri Kurri Top Dogs have Landed in Fynnlund to find a secret temple)(Meta: Schumacher is the one in the top hat,jaques is the one in the fedora, Pattison is the one in the silver helmet, Ahrens is the one in the black fedora, Coolberg is the one in the black police cap, Blazkowizcj is the one with the chocolate box concealed in his hairdo, Gordon is the one with the chef outfit, haynes is in the blue helmet, tierney is in the blue plugsuit, Pedonuker is in the suit and looks like president austin, MFS is the one with the hammer and sack, and the guy in the black helmet is seymour, but he plays no part in this battle.)

(Mister Schumacher)“Eureka....We’ve found it” (Jacques Jean Luc Peecard) “May I ask what it is again we have found?”(Colonel Jack Pattison)“Have you not been listening, Jacques, this is the workshop temple of the deity the locals call Joulupukki"(Jacques)‘Surely you don’t mean...”(Schumacher) “Yes I do, we are here to ask him to forge our new gear”(Pattison)“Surely we could just get our engineers to make it”(Schumacher)“But do our engineers have an unlimited supply of orange transparent?”(Jacques)“WHAT!”(Pattison)“That was my reaction when I was told the tale of Manly Fucking Santa as a lieutenant. It has been my life’s goal to find this temple.”( Engineer Nick Ahrens)“Still, as the leader of the corps of engineers, I can say that forging OT or even brewing GT infused Maniac Beer is no issue for us.”(Schumacher)“Well, in that case, Mister Ahrens, it is a secondary option to kill ‘Joulupukki’ and take his gear, but as he is the only known smith who can make Saturnalian transparent weaponry, rumoured to be as strong as the original OTC, we better also take his journal.”(Doctor Johnny Coolberg)“From our analysis it seems that it’s just layered Red and Dark Green Transparents, but we need the Saturnalian crucible to produce it, as markings of “Ho Ho Ho, MoFo” are found on every Ingot of it, without any evidence of etching”(Schumacher)“Rocketeers, you heard Coolberg, return to the ship, Colonel Pattison, remain here, Mr Blazkowizcj, I want you to ask about a commissioned weapon of your choice. That should provide a decent distraction”(A rocketeer leaves the battlefield)(BJ Blazkowizcj)“Hello, can I ask about a custom weapon for Saturnalia?”(MFS)“Sure, what type?”(Blazkowizcj)“Um, Ten Foot Pole?”(MFS)“What, a TEN foot pole, ho ho hoes, you must be joking, a FOURTEEN Foot LASER pole is what you need!”(Blazkowizcj)“Sure, I’ll take that, how much money”(MFS)“It’s for Saturnalia, is it not?”(Blazkowizcj)“Yes”(MFS)“Then it’s Fucking Free!”(Blazkowizcj)“Hooray!”(Blazkowizcj)“Also, as we’re in Fynnlund, could you take an order for someone willing to kick out both the Bavarians and the Russkians?”(MFS)“Sure, that’ll actually cost you something, how about some maniac beer and a custom bike”(Blazkowizcj)“Well, we can give you a bike encrusted with OT, and some fine Bundyberg Rum as well.(MFS)“That’s better, it’s awfully cold here”(FZZZST)(Katie "Flash" Gordon)“Here’s the bike”(Gordon)“And here’s the Rum”(Simultaneously)(Coolberg)“We’ve got an enemy teleporter detected”(Schumacher)“Signature?”(Coolberg)“Looks to be either Trattorian or Nyphyllian”(Schumacher)“OH SHIT, WE’RE PRISON FUCKED UP SHIT CREEK WITH NO FUCKING PADDLE”(Jacques)“Why?”(Schumacher)“Pedonuker”(FZZZST)(Pedonuker)“Speak of the devil...”(Lieutenant Alex Haynes)“Die scum!”(Haynes)“interesting, he seems to have some kind of recording device”(Jordan Tierney)“I’ll take that” (back with MFS)(MFS)“Oh hello, can I get you something, son”(Schumacher)“Yes Mister Manly Fucking Santa, I require an Orange transparent nova sword”(MFS)“Ho ho Hoes, that’s fucking easy, just walk up to that OT barrel and pull out the plug”(Schumacher)“Fuck, that’s clever, thanks a lot”(Schumacher)“Alright men, time to leave” (Pattison)“We didn’t steal anything”(Schumacher)“Colonel Pattison, I know you’re from Cessnock, but that’s no reason to steal everything not glued down with OT glue”(Coolberg)“Right, back to the SS Church of Christ Casino and Hotel”(Jacques)“May I ask why the ship’s called that?”(Pattison)‘I used to run a brothel/casino hotel called the ‘Church of Christ’, it was awesome, then I joined the Top Dogs with Coolberg, we were the two executives.”(to be continued, maybe, If I feel like it...)