Friday, September 25, 2015

Word reached me yesterday that Secnarf, last remaining member of the Rhinoceros Party of Canada, has declared her candidacy for Prime Minister in the October Federal election. I managed to reach her last night.Francie: Secnarf! How's that thing with the electronic ankle bracelet going?Secnarf: A complete misunderstanding. I have never stalked Justin Trudeau.Francie: He found you in his bedroom closet.Secnarf: Lies. All lies.Francie: You were singing, 'Oh Canada' in French.Secnarf: Absolute fuddle duddle! Francie: Well okay then, Secnarf, let's talk about your policies.Secnarf: As usual I'm campaigning on the 'two votes for every woman' platform. My campaign manager Isabella King and I believe it is the only way to bring peace and stability to the country.Francie: Isabella King is your campaign manager?Hasn't Mckenzie King's mother been dead since 1917?Secnarf: Hey! She got us through World War II!

And when I'm elected Prime Minister I plan to put her in charge oh the cabinet.Francie: So Canada's cabinet meetings will be seances?Secnarf: Great Idea, eh? They'll be way more fun than the ones they have now. Anyway I have to go. Pat and I are meeting to discuss the environment.Francie: Please don't tell me you mean 'Pat' Mckenzie King's dog...Secnarf: Gotta run! Bye! And don't forget: A VOTE FOR SECNARF IS A VOTE FOR THE ONLY POLITICIAN WHO LOOKS LIKE A CABINET MINISTER THAT NOBODY REMEMBERS ANYMORE EXCEPT THAT SHE DRANK EXPENSIVE ORANGE JUICEAND CHARGED THE TAXPAYER.