Reflections of a Corporate Nobody

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Monthly Archives: May 2012

When I was in high school I used to wish that the accounting teacher would be sick on test day. I know it was wishful thinking but it meant not having to deal with what must’ve been one of the most boring subjects, but also avoiding the scrutiny that I always got from that class.

Well, the last two weeks felt like that. First, there was the employee redundancy. Thankfully, he took it sagely and with great maturity – better than I had expected. I admired his calmness but it also bothered me. So many questions arose.

Would I have acted as well if it was me on the other end?

What values did I have that would have held me through?

Did this match with the kind of place that I worked for?

Does the job really bring much in personal satisfaction?

What the heck am I still doing here?

The spiral was quick and inescapable.

This was soon followed by the departure of a senior head – a former caretaker manager, stolen by a rival company with a transplanted Financial Director. Again, the same roiling thoughts:

Why couldn’t it have been me?

They are planning to steal me sometime, right?

Oh, no. They’re not.

Crap.

Why am I still here?

After two weeks of madness, I knew I needed to break the spell. But where to go?

So, tomorrow is a big day. Big because I have to tell someone that he no longer has a job. Adding to the big-ness is that he’s a good guy, outstanding at his job, keeps his nose clean, and makes my team look good just by his presence. The company is just looking to save money and this guy specializes in something that won’t be there next year. One guy, gone, just like that.

Of course, I feel guilt because maybe I just didn’t fight at all for his job. Maybe it’s because I just said yes to my superiors, like a good soldier. Now, I’m thinking about how my peers may look at my ineptitude, willing to let the machine take this guy down, my passivity. It doesn’t feel great and I guess no matter what I do, there will be a period of distrust and probably hatred.

This means that we will lose a mountain of knowledge and there is no way to retrieve it. He will leave with bitterness and I’ll have to deal with whatever comes. It isn’t a nice place to be and I’m lost about what to do next. I’ll lose a good colleague, his respect and that of others. Not a good place to be.