Saturday, January 7, 2017

And so it ends the way it began – with a big party; a private party for friends and donors (redundant) that was closed to the press. Apparently it was casual Friday as both David Letterman and Robert DiNiro arrived in sweaters. I’m a little surprised DiNiro was allowed in at all, as he is on record having threatened to punch President Elect Trump in the face. I guess that’s okay though, since Trump isn't Black.

The graybeards haven’t aged that well; possibly due to all the teeth gnashing over the past 2 months.

“The group will then be clearing out of DC, and no doubt staying far away when Trump is inaugurated on January 20, an event that has failed to draw any of the big names Obama did during his two ceremonies.” - Daily Mail

To which many Americans can only say “amen and hallelujah.” Clear out of town and take your celebrity POTUS and FLOTUS with you; time for the serious people to Make America Great Again.

In other celebrity news yesterday Lady M, still the fashion icon and busy mom™ she’s always been, hosted one last speech honoring the 2017 school counselor of the year. She chose an expensive new designer frock and a new Cleopatra hairchop for her final FLOTUS speech.

Nor did she disappoint the gathering of school counselors and celebrities (because what would a White House event without celebrities be?).

Diversity “makes us who we are,” Obama said at the 2017 School Counselor of the Year event in the East Room of the White House, where she hosted 50 school counselors and a slew of stars. “Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you don’t matter, or like you don’t have a place in our American story. You do.”

You don’t have to go to Princeton or Harvard Law to craft a message like that - as saccharine as it is banal; it’s just a gift Lady M has.

“If your family doesn’t have much money, I want you to remember that in this country, plenty of folks, including me and my husband, we started out with very little. But with a lot of hard work and a good education, anything is possible — even becoming President. That’s what the American Dream is all about.”

Rest assured Barry and the Broad will not be leaving the White House “flat broke” like America’s lesser first black POTUS and FLOTUS did.

Then things took an emotional turn as Lady M, her voice breaking and eyes filling with tears, said that being First Lady has been the “greatest honor of my life.”

“Being your First Lady has been the greatest honor of my life, and I hope I’ve made you proud,” Obama said. – NY Daily News

Oh honey… how could we not be proud?

Let me count the ways…no, I’ll save that for later.

Why, you might even say that for the first time in my adult life I’m actually proud to see the American First Family moving the hell out.

After a concerted effort to drum up votes via social media, conservative media gadfly Milo Yiannopoulos has won the title of LGBTQ Nation’s Person of the Year with almost 70% of the vote. Indiana governor and vice president-elect Mike Pence came in a distant second place.

The LGBTQ Nation Person of the Year contest is a reader driven poll to select the year’s top newsmaker. While the poll was intended for our regular audience, there were no stipulations on who could or couldn’t vote. Therefore, Milo Yiannopoulos won fair and square.

Simon & Schuster recently announced a $250,000 book deal with the conservative provocateur, sparking backlash from the literary and progressive communities. The Chicago Review of Books announced it would not review any of the publisher’s 2017 books and Jones commented on Twitter that “I literally want to put hands to a jaw right now.”

“While publishers undeniably have the right to acquire and profit from any book they wish, they also bear an essential responsibility to promote civil discourse and reject hate speech that is often a precursor to violence,” the Lambda Literary organization said in a statement. “Lambda Literary calls on readers and reviewers to ignore his book.”

While I find the announcement of Milo’s WINNING! delicious in itself, the very best part of the article is the editor’s note added at the end:

Editor’s note: This article was changed to remove a reference to Yiannopoulos as a member of the alt-right movement. “Alt-right” is a term used to describe a political ideology rooted in white nationalism, xenophobia, anti-Semitism, sexism, and homophobia. Its adherents are, in short, exactly who Hillary Clinton meant when she dubbed many Trump supporters a “basket of deplorables.” Yiannopoulos contacted the editors to insist he does not identify as a member of the alt-right.

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Oh dear! Our weapons of mass destruction seem to be falling apart after years of neglect: B-52 Loses Engine While Flying Over North Dakota. I know UpNorthLurkin is safely lurkin’ in Arizona, butt I do hope that the rest of our ND contingent are okay; Bakken Wag, JLH and the rest.

Now might be a good time to point out how opportune the election and impending inauguration of Donald J. Trump was. Given the state of readiness of our current armed forces under the watchful eye of Barry these past 8 years we need somebody who can MAGA. Because imagine if we were to find ourselves today facing a showdown with Russia similar to the mishap depicted in 1964’s Dr. Strangelove:

As you recall, in the movie a rogue General launched a nuclear attack on Russia that the erstwhile American President then tried to recall without success.This forced the President to call a meeting in the War Room, where he learns of the Russians’ Doomsday Machine which would respond to any enemy nuclear attack immediately hence guaranteeing mutual annihilation:

President Merkin Muffley: How is it possible for this thing to be triggered automatically and at the same time impossible to untrigger?

Dr. Strangelove: Mr. President, it is not only possible, it is essential. That is the whole idea of this machine, you know. Deterrence is the art of producing in the mind of the enemy... the FEAR to attack. And so, because of the automated and irrevocable decision-making process which rules out human meddling, the Doomsday machine is terrifying and simple to understand... and completely credible and convincing.

Ambassador de Sadesky: There were those of us who fought against it, but in the end we could not keep up with the expense involved in the arms race, the space race, and the peace race. At the same time our people grumbled for more nylons and washing machines. Our doomsday scheme cost us just a small fraction of what we had been spending on defense in a single year. The deciding factor was when we learned that your country was working along similar lines, and we were afraid of a doomsday gap.

Dr. Strangelove: Of course, the whole point of a Doomsday Machine is lost, if you *keep* it a *secret*! Why didn't you tell the world, EH?

Ambassador de Sadesky: It was to be announced at the Party Congress on Monday. As you know, the Premier loves surprises.

I don’t know if our “premier” enjoys surprises that way butt he sure got one in the form of a Donald J. Trump presidency. And it’s likely to unleash the doomsday machine for his “complete transformation of America”.

So untilsuch time as The Donald is able to rebuild our military hardware we can take comfort in the fact that the venerable old B-52’s are a hearty lot, and it takes much more than one missing engine to prevent them from delivering their payload:

Major T. J. "King" Kong: Well, boys, we got three engines out, we got more holes in us than a horse trader's mule, the radio is gone and we're leaking fuel and if we was flying any lower why we'd need sleigh bells on this thing... but we got one little budge on them Rooskies. At this height why they might harpoon us but they dang sure ain't gonna spot us on no radar screen!

So, General Turgidson, is it possible he could still get that B-52 through to bomb the target?

General "Buck" Turgidson: If the pilot's good, see, I mean if he's reeeally sharp, he can barrel that baby in so low... oh you oughta see it sometime. It's a sight. A big plane like a '52... varrrooom! Its jet exhaust... frying chickens in the barnyard!

Not just yes, butt Hell Yes!

So come on then, let’s make the most of this Doomsday Machine:

Major T. J. "King" Kong:I want you to remember one thing, the folks back home is a-countin' on you and by golly, we ain't about to let 'em down. I tell you something else, if this thing turns out to be half as important as I figure it just might be, I'd say that you're all in line for some important promotions and personal citations when this thing's over with. That goes for ever' last one of you regardless of your race, color or your creed. Now let's get this thing on the hump - we got some flyin' to do.

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

The Most Transparent Administration Ever™ has a couple of final Public Service Lies Announcements to make before relocating to their new offices down the street. First from the de facto leader of The Church Cult of Barack Obama, Val Jar.

Her Big Lie, as told on CNN last Sunday, was to install the new TRUTH 8.0 module that fixes a previous bug and reinstalls Big Guy as the only president in modern times who ran a 100% scandal free administration; that’s right, “not even a smidgeon of corruption.”

There is no need to probe any deeper when it is a received truth

You need do nothing at all in order to install this new improved update: it’s automatic. Simply ignore, deny or delete any subsequent updates that portent to be lists of major Obama era scandals. They are malware developed and disseminated by enemies of the State. Allegedly containing the truth about the Obama years they are in fact filled with racist lies about our first, historical, black president.

Absolute truth is so absolutely overrated, right George?

Butt speaking of George Washington, here’s the second PSA, from Barry himself: it’s a trailer for his January 10th “Farewell Address”

In 1796, as George Washington set the precedent for a peaceful, democratic transfer of power, he also set a precedent by penning a farewell address to the American people. And over the 220 years since, many American presidents have followed his lead.

On Tuesday, January 10, I'll go home to Chicago to say my grateful farewell to you, even if you can't be there in person.

I'm just beginning to write my remarks. But I'm thinking about them as a chance to say thank you for this amazing journey, to celebrate the ways you've changed this country for the better these past eight years, and to offer some thoughts on where we all go from here.

Since 2009, we've faced our fair share of challenges, and come through them stronger. That's because we have never let go of a belief that has guided us ever since our founding—our conviction that, together, we can change this country for the better.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

I’d been planning to watch Leah Rimini’s Scientology exposé series and finally managed to squeeze in 3 of the episodes between important football games during the holiday weekend.

I discovered that the church of Scientology is a billion dollar earth-centric cult ministered by an elite organization (Sea Org) that practices unlicensed psychology for which they charge exorbitant fees (up to $250,000 over the lifetime of an ordinary, non-celebrity member). It was founded by L. Ron Hubbard, a 20th century writer of pulp science fiction before he discovered the “the modern science of mental health” and wrote the NYT blockbuster Dianetics.

This tome became the basis for the bizarre practices of the billion dollar Church of Scientology. It’s unclear if this “modern science of mental health” was the received wisdom of a higher power or the invented mythos of a shrewd charlatan. Well actually it’s quite clear. While the foundation of the church’s doctrine is hardly the stuff of the world’s great religions, Scientology makes up for its lack of spirituality by imposing an impressive array of truths, doctrines and practices – all of which require separate processing and handling charges. Unlike many religions, in Scientology money can buy happiness, or at least a higher place on the bridge to consciousness. And if that’s not convincing enough on it’s own, the church very consciously attempts to recruit celebrities for the promotional value of their membership. And their money.

Following Hubbard’s death in 1986 the church leadership was assumed by a man (David Miscavige) who never finished high school, has an explosive temper, enjoys beating the crap out of people and whose wife mysteriously disappeared years ago butt nobody has ever investigated; it’s almost like he’s a Democrat…or a Muslim, or something.

Apparently when you sign up to be a Scientologist it is for life. If you attempt to leave you are totally cut off from your family and friends who are forbidden to speak to you but are encouraged to malign, denigrate and defame you in any way possible – again, just like with Democrats.

That seems to be the way it is with sects that hold their beliefs to be immutable truths that are not open to question, whose leaders are given to the abuse of power, and that relies on propaganda to deceive, distort and disguise their real objectives. And that pretty much describes all three tribes: Scientologists, Islamo-fascists and the Liberal Left. Although it’s not that hard to ascertain what the overriding objectives are in each case. With Scientology it’s to bilk it’s members of every possible dollar they can:

The Islamo-fascists simply want sharia law to be the rule the world:

And the Liberal Left - for some reason they still want to fundamentally transform America into a socialist-Marxist paradise. Like Cuba.

The real Cuba, not the one tourists see

Despite the fact that all of their initial efforts remain unimpressive.

Detroit: at least we’re not Cuba

No wonder the country voted to Make America Great Again. Who in their right mind would choose rubble

Detroit’s once venerable J.L. Hudson building imploding

over a shining city on the hill?

Washington D.C.’s old post office, refurbished as a Trump hotel.

Moral of the story: Real Leaders want to manage, build and improve things, cult leaders just want to control things (until they all fall apart). We chose wisely, weed-hoppers.