16 March 2013

A Heartfelt Apology

To the Butts of our Dear Friends:

I hereby present an official apology to all of the Butts that
have temporarily resided on our dining room chairs throughout the past
decade. The appallingly
uncomfortable chairs were frugally purchased with our wedding money, and we if
knew THEN how much sitting around our Butts and your Butts would be doing over
the course of the next ten years, we would have chosen differently. We were babies, young and inexperienced,
and were not yet aware of the epic durations of time that Adult Butts spend
sitting around at dining room tables.

Those chairs sucked.

Friends, I love your Butts, and I am deeply sorry.

Not one word of complaint have we heard uttered from your
mouths. Though one of you has fallen straight through the wicker, one of you
suffered a complete frame collapse (you might have been pregnant at the time),
and one of you has even peed on our chairs (you also maybe have been pregnant),
none of you have ever mentioned that your Butt has been uncomfortable. Not even once did any
of you casually suggest that we adjourn to the living room so that your Numb
Butt could perhaps regain sensation. I thank you, Gracious Guests, for your
tact.

You will be pleased to learn that in the space of a mere 24
hours, our three (barely) remaining chairs spontaneously disintegrated into
minute, untraceable particles of dust. That is not true. But they did become suddenly, completely
un-sittable-upon by our Butts, and now they are gone. While we waited for our new chairs to
arrive, we sat on our children and we ate cake. This delicious coconut cake. This magical, puffy cloud
of coconut and sugar and butter. I made one for you.

Our new chairs have arrived. Also, I ate the cake that I made for you. But please come over. I will make another coconut cake. We will sit in our new chairs and eat it and our Butts will be happy together forever.

Magical Puffy (Yet Crunchy) Cloud Coconut Cake with a Smidge of Lemon

From America’s Test Kitchen (they just call it Coconut Cake)

I’ve been making this cake for almost 10 years. It’s true, just ask my Butt.

If you like sweet, and you like coconut, it is perfect. The most recent time I made it, I tempered the sweetness with a thin layer of Meyer lemon marmalade in the very middle of the cake. An unexpected taste – it was quite nice. I'll do it again. Toasting the coconut adds crunch and also keeps the cake from being too sweet.

1. For the Cake: Adjust oven rack to
lower-middle position and heat oven to 325 degrees. Grease two 9-inch round
cake pans with shortening and dust with flour.

2. Beat egg whites and whole egg in large
measuring cup with fork to combine. Add cream of coconut, water, vanilla, and
coconut extract and beat with fork until thoroughly combined.

3. Combine flour, sugar, baking powder, and
salt in bowl of standing mixer fitted with paddle attachment. Mix on lowest
speed to combine, about 30 seconds. With mixer still running on lowest speed,
add butter 1 piece at a time, then beat until mixture resembles coarse meal,
with butter bits no larger than small peas, 2 to 2 1/2 minutes.

4. With mixer still running, add 1 cup liquid.
Increase speed to medium-high and beat until light and fluffy, about 45
seconds. With mixer still running, add remaining 1 cup liquid in steady stream
(this should take about 15 seconds). Stop mixer and scrape down bowl with
rubber spatula, then beat at medium-high speed to combine, about 15 seconds.
(Batter will be thick.).

5. Divide batter between cake pans and level
with offset or rubber spatula. Bake until deep golden brown, cakes pull away from
sides of pans, and toothpick inserted into center of cakes comes out clean,
about 30 minutes (rotate cakes after about 20 minutes). Do not turn off oven.

6. Cool in pans on wire racks about 10
minutes, then loosen cakes from sides of pans with paring knife, invert cakes
onto racks and then re-invert; cool to room temperature.

7. While cakes are cooling, spread shredded
coconut on rimmed baking sheet; toast in oven until shreds are a mix of golden
brown and white, about 15 to 20 minutes, stirring 2 or 3 times. Cool to room
temperature.

8. For the Buttercream: Combine whites, sugar,
and salt in bowl of standing mixer; set bowl over saucepan containing 1
1/2-inches of barely simmering water. Whisk constantly until mixture is opaque
and warm to the touch and registers about 120 degrees on an instant-read
thermometer, about 2 minutes.

9. Transfer bowl to mixer and beat whites on
high speed with whisk attachment until barely warm (about 80 degrees) and
whites are glossy and sticky, about 7 minutes. Reduce speed to medium-high and
beat in butter 1 piece at a time. Beat in cream of coconut and coconut and
vanilla extracts. Stop mixer and scrape bottom and sides of bowl. Continue to
beat at medium-high speed until well-combined, about 1 minute.

Assembling the Cake:1. With a long serrated knife, cut both cakes
in half horizontally so that each cake forms two layers.

2. Put a dab of icing on a cardboard round cut just larger
than the cake. Center one cake layer on the round.

3. Place a large blob of icing in the center of the layer
and spread it to the edges with an icing spatula.

4. Hold the spatula at a 45-degree angle to the cake and
drag it across the surface to level the icing. Repeat steps 3 and 4 with
remaining cake layers. (Delicious but optional: After the second cake layer, and after a layer of frosting, spread a thin layer of marmalade.)

5. To ice the sides of the cake, scoop up a
large dab of icing with the tip of the spatula and spread it on the sides with
short side-to-side strokes.

6. Sprinkle the top of the cake with coconut.
Then press the coconut into the sides, letting the excess fall back onto a
baking sheet.

1 comment:

Anonymous
said...

We turned this cake into cupcakes and would highly recommend that you do the same if you like cupcakes. After a coconut and Ta'haa vanilla icing was put on in the shape of daisy pedals, a yellow pineapple and Ta'haa vanilla icing was put in the center. So good.