i know, I'm absolutely shameless. But knowledge is power and anytime I've witnessed a girl take out a tampon with absolutely no subtly... I cringe.

Some of you are probably thinking why smuggle anything when you can just take the whole purse?!? That's very true. But considering my 62% crazy, that would make my life far too easy. My rationale for smuggling feminine red sea products is to emit the illusion I am not bloated and bitchy due to the monthly womanly curse. In otherwords, when you take your purse with you to the washroom at work, school or at dinner with friends... It screams I'm taking a slut shower in the washroom because my monthly curse is here.

Here are the 8 ways I smuggle tampons away for necessary use.

Tittay tuck. When i'm out at dinner in an intimate setting where most eyes are on me its a tad bit tricky, but if you're at work and are allotted even 20 seconds of alone time? I make full use of it. So i usually clasp my T in my had and tuck it out of sight into my cleavage ...whenever everyones too busy to notice.

Up the sleeve like a thief. Yes, this one i do generally it can work almost everywhere. with or without people actually watching. The key requirement? long sleeves. I tuck the Tampon up my sleeve mid conversation even as i reach into my purse. The conversation is the distraction and depending on how engaged the person is.. they wont even question what the fuck you're fishing for in your purse.

In my shoe. i know right? like a dude. Most hood dudes keep stashes of money, necessary id or illegal objects (that can fit) in their socks. But that's not where I got the idea from. I was at a friends house "cough side eye" and ironically lady red visited me early. I had my gym bag on the floor and was riffling through it to find the golden tampon. As I did, homeboy comes up behind me (with my ass in the air), I find my golden tampon. Without much thought (since i was wearing uggs inside anyway), i tucked the sucker directly in my shoe. and voila! Total redsea discretion. :-D

Text a ride or die. This one will only work in a large group setting at either a company party, retreat, family get together or a large friendly reunion. I usually pull this one out the hat if I have no idea the lady curse is visiting until BAM i'm in the washroom and she makes her presence known. I usually have my phone with me (cause it can get long during those porcelain parties) and I promptly text my closest female or male confident to discreetly pass me that golden T from out my purse and meet me in the powder room. This is why loyalty is necessity #rideordie

Alanis morsets pocket trick. I used to use this one a lot when I was younger and had way more pockets in my wardrobe than now. It's a simple task, all you require is one functioning pocket, a free speedy hand and a poker face. But this can get hella embarassing quick if say... that cute guy in your English literature class happens to catch you slide your tampon from your hand to your pocket during the 3 seconds of your womanly Jedi agility.

In my fancy smancy phone case. Another trick that requires a purse, a wallet like phone case and a bit of fishing. So just fake like you need lip balm, tuck your tampon in the phone case, place in the non clutter end of your purse and proceed to put on your lip balm. Before the washroom trip, grab your phone case effortlessly... and voila! The tampon smuggle is complete.

Pre-emptive stash. This will only work in an environment that doesn't have a high volume of traffic, specifically at a small work office. Keep a humble secret stash in neighboring book, silk flower vase or any other decorative piece that most people don't notice or particularly like. And now you have a private stash. This is especially helpful when you work among a group of young single men that prefer not to know when your blossoming flower is ...red.

To be honest, I give less that two fucks about people knowing when i'm on my period. But in certain situations, if i can avoid the unnecessary gesture or explanation, these smuggle tactics are always helpful.