The market may have already discounted the $700 billion ($840 B) bailout bill, but the legal profession hasn’t even begun to get its hands around this thing.

But while we wait for serious actions to arise from the market implosion, at least we have this crazy dude from “reenactment of 1776” to help us pass the time. This guy is one of the many — mentally unbalanced — souls who makes the internet so much fun. But he has taken a break from his usual calls for a violent proletariat revolution to attack the bailout bill through more “constructive” means. He proposes a class action lawsuit against … well, I’m not sure who exactly. But the point is that he is against it! And he believes that the 13th Amendment provides all the legal cover he requires:

If this bailout is passed, I Larry Bumgarner, from reenactmentof1776.com will try to file papers in Federal Court to get an injunction against this bailout, to stop it, so that we can protect the lower and middleclass from thirteenth amendment violations. This I would like to turn into a class action suit with members of the lower and middleclass. If you would be interested in joining a class action lawsuit please respond to this site with your e-mail address.

I don’t like,

I don’t like,

I don’t like Mondays.

It gets so much better after the jump.

I find it funny that while this guy is asking for legal advice/help, he clearly doesn’t respect lawyers. In fact, I’m not entirely sure if lawyers would be allowed to exist in his new America:

With This Revolution We Will Form a more representative government for us, the American people.

Stop the war. Restore fiscal sanity and responsibility to the government and the people. Reduce the price of gasoline immediately which will reduce the price of goods purchased such as food and clothing. Simultaneously and concurrently there will be a decree put out with the same fervor that went with creating the Atom Bomb. That is to create an automobile that runs on electricity. Enact tough laws that will instill new ethical standards for lawyers, politicians and government to rid us of as much corruption as possible. No longer will politicians and lawyers police themselves. We the people will judge them.

Cap legal fees as the same as an auto mechanic. Lawyers do not know anything about economics, finance or social issues. Lawyers will no longer be permitted to hold an office in the legislative branch of our governments.

Okay. Maybe we don’t know anything about “economic, finance or social issues.” Maybe we don’t know anything about freedom or justice or equality. But the 13th Amendment? That is in our wheelhouse. Here’s Mr. Bumgarner’s interpretation:

THIRTEENTH AMENDMENT

SLAVERY AND INVOLUNTARY SERVITUDE

Section 1. Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.

Section 2. Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

What Is Involuntary Servitude? – a condition of compulsory service or labor performed by one person, against his will, for the benefit of another person due to force, threats, intimidation or other similar means of coercion and compulsion directed against him.

What is Peonage. (comes from peon) Summary: Section 1581 of Title 18 makes it unlawful to hold a person in “debt servitude,” or peonage, which is closely related to involuntary servitude. Section 1581 prohibits using force, the threat of force, or the threat of legal coercion to compel a person to work against his/her will. In addition, the victim’s involuntary servitude must be tied to the payment of a debt.

Your elected officials will finance the bailout package with treasury bills, notes and bonds. These bonds are backed by the good faith of the United States. That means that you are responsible to pay for these bonds as last resort to default. Your elected officials are putting everyone in the lower and middleclass into “debt servitude.”

I thought a few years at Sidley Austin counted as “debt servitude,” but what do I know?

Is there any precedent for such a crazy argument? Well, of course not. Not unless someone wants to make a Jones v. Alfred H. Mayer Co. argument, and call the bailout a “badge or incident” of slavery.

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