I start off the episode with some Ira Glass-energy, prefacing the episode for some curse words. And yes, this is technically the first Here's My Thing episode that has a curse word. The word is "ass" so is it really a bad word? By societal structure I guess, but overall it's pretty soft, ya? I'm not sure. For this episode I explore people saying they got their ass kicked by their personal trainer.

The thing is we all know what I'm talking about. It is THE field trip. The most iconic academic excursion in modern day education. It's the DC trip - and you know it's THE trip to DC because the field trip attendees take a photo outside The White House and they're all wearing beige cargo shorts with Aéropostale t-shirts. If they aren't wearing this, they aren't in 8th grade and they aren't on THE DC trip.

I love the concept of the Bloody Mary. It's the Inspector Gadget of beverages - and it is because of this versatility that the Bloody Mary has achieved universal levels of enjoyment.
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I'd rather book an appointment with a new dermatologist, than stretch my hammies, quads, and hip flexers for 15-minutes. And just so we are clear, booking an appointment with any type of doctor doesn't take 2-minutes. Try 25. Not to mention actually having the appointment may mean wait times of 6-weeks.

"They say the truth shall come to the light, so everybody grab ya shades cuz ya boy that bright." -Jay Z - Damian Lillard. Dame hit one of the greatest shots I'd ever seen last night. Had to do an episode about it.

I've always loved IKEA. I'm not totally sure why. However, I have reason to believe that I think of it in such a good light because most of my dreams and fantasies take place in settings that are furnished by IKEA. For this episode I talk about one of those settings.

I'm proud of how much I sweat, but I don't want to brag. I have no room to do so. I didn't earn this level of perspiration as I'm merely a trust fund baby, a trust fund baby of sweat. This episode was fueled off emotion and simple reflection, but it was sparked via memories from recess in 3rd/4th grade where the roots and bottom area of my classmates and my hair would be wet from sweat, but the top layer dry.

He walked in, I'm guessing maybe 6'2", tipping the scale around 215? Up top we're talking dad hat, dropping down it's a long sleeve collared t-shirt. Tucked in? Come on, of course. The belt was a brown leather, and the pants khakis - I want to say Columbia. But the kicker: he was wearing flip flops. I got a unobstructed view of his feet. They told a story.

I feel like we've forgotten paper calendars. Left them somewhere in suburbia 10 years ago. And look I get it, iPhones, Androids, we've got calendar access on the go and on demand. So why do we need 12-paged, flip-over calendars? Let me ask you this: is there anything more aesthetically pleasing than a calendar with 31 Xs on it? A very, very diligently updated calendar? That's a tough one.

I graduated from my alma mater (I feel kind of cool saying that) almost a year ago. And ya know it's the craziest thing, because not a single person has called me asking for money yet. Not once. Honestly, I think it's kind of selfish.

For 75/80% of my bus ride home the other day, no one sat next to me. It was the only seat left, but people elected to stand, instead of share space with me. I don't think I smelled (the Old Spice still doing it's thing), so I'm not really sure what the deal is? And it's crazy because I don't want to sound like I'm complaining that I got an entire row to myself on the bus... but at the same time... what's up?

This episode has it all. First, we've got an intro that gives the metrics (total amount of episodes and total amount of downloads) from year one of the Here's My Thing podcast. Then it's story time. I found myself low on Dentyne Ice, so I did what anyone would do - I went to re-up at the convenience store. Prior to checking out, the man in front of me (if I had to guess, I bet his name was Graham), was buying 3 very different types of items. It caught my eye.

I don't get FOMO often, but I get FOMO from not taking advantage of when grainy, flash-heavy mirror pics were in. Don't get me wrong I take a lot of mirror pics, but never in front of a toothpaste, snot, water, splattered mirror (the corners weathered from neglected bathroom fan use). Not once did I snap a flash heavy mirror pic with my enV Touch or even LG flip-phone. That doesn't sit well with me.

In comparison to recent years, my 2018 tax refund is looking lovely. But how do I spend it though? Part of me wants to go nuts at Buffalo Exchange or drop a bag at Goodwill. I'm honestly very close to calling Din Tai Fung and booking a two-top, then spend some cash on dumplings and a couple of cocktails. Turbo Tax is great, but here's what I need from them: a formula. A formula that allows me to properly use my tax refund.

People are filming babies, dogs, and I think cats getting slices of Kraft cheese tossed onto their face. It's taken off as a meme/video challenge. To be honest, I'm not surprised with the abnormally high participation with this social media craze, but I am shocked that so many people buy Kraft cheese.

Been driving to work more. It's a lovely ride, but it's also $17 for parking, whereas taking the bus only deducts $5 from the bank account. I can't believe I'm saying this, but the $17 is almost worth it... bump some Quasimoto, drive over a bridge - that's a good combo.

I thought Russell Crowe starred in 300, but apparently it's Gerard Butler. Either way, great movie. First time I saw it was attempted via torrent. Torrent. When was the last time you heard that word? People who don't recognize the early days of the streaming struggles, you've got it easy.
I feel like this episode is a formulaic rant. And for episode #300, I think that's how it should be. Enjoy! Thank you all for rocking with me.

The sounds of the anxious beads of sweat leaving the foreheads of Instagram Influencers and then meeting the hardwood floors of some modern apartments in LA with Ikea layouts was loud an clear on March 13th, 2019. Instagram was down for 8-hours.

I'm thinking about implementing handkerchiefs into my accessory arsenal. But how often am I to wash them? Do I need perpetual congestion to make legitimate use of them? What if I completely disregard utility and only apply these kerchiefs as subtle attributes to otherwise mundane outfits?

I very much like sausage links. Can't say the same about the patties. To be honest, I don't think sausage patties are actually sausage - I think they are smaller hamburger patties that got neglected and pushed to the back of the freezer. I explore my potential teen-angst-energy towards these patties in the latter half of an episode.

We live in an era where not jumping to contest a dunk is encouraged. That's pathetic. It is the softest thing in sports at the moment. I'm sick of it. Keep in mind, I stopped playing competitive basketball in 7th grade, and never actually was in a situation where I had to jump to stop a dunk, but I equate this similar to grounding out to short in baseball and not running the play out. At the same time, hypothetically, let's say the freight train that is LeBron James is storming at you, he cocks back his right arm and is about to pulverize the rim, but you ever-so valiantly leap up to stop the dunk and in doing so you get yammmmeeddddd on. Worst case is it's an and-1. Chances are you're leaving the arena with an extremely candid photo of you and the King. Sounds good to me.

it's a lifestyle beverage, it's not that good for you, it's vitamin water. accidentally bought some the other day, and i bought the 32 oz size. not sure why vitamin water (a lifestyle beverage) is being in that large of a quantity... doesn't make sense to me. i remember when vitamin water carried more clout too. back when 50 was an active brand ambassador for it. can't say it's nearly as relevant now.

Finally I set aside the time to talk about this commercial, but had to set the stage with a quick little story prefacing it prior. In my opinion, this is one of the greatest pieces of media from the past 50-years. Does part of that opinion come from a crush that I may have had (I did) on Beyoncé when I was 8? Oh, for sure. Nonetheless, this truly is a brilliant commercial, kudos Pepsi.

There I was, at the checkout counter of my local Shell gas station. In my left hand, 80mg of naturally occurring caffeine (yerba mate), and in my right, 36 inches of off-brand Laffy Taffy. Everyone, it was 8:00 PM on a Wednesday night.

I learned some valuable lessons during my 3-month stint at a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu gym. One of which applied recently in a quick intellectual sparring session that I had with a sales "guru" on LinkedIn. Not sure how many of these smokers I can have on a primarily professional platform. I suppose it's time I set up a burner account.

i changed my keyboard to a lowercase keyboard the other day. i feel that typing in lowercase gives a certain level of intensity and nonchalantness equivalent to that of the face of a calvin klein model.

Thought I'd give this ESPN+ a go. Was super into my setup when watching UFC Fight Night 143, decided to flow my feelings into the mic. UFC Commentator Jon Anik said something so great I had to put it in my notebook.

We know that I know nothing about cars, which is why I need clarity. What does it mean to "work on a car". Can cleaning a car be working on a car? That seems so fake. I want to be able to take a wrench, look at an engine and know what to do.

You went to a Jiffy Lube to get an oil change, but left with a wicked elevator pitch saying that your car is on it's way out. Here is how you defend against the upsell (from the perspective of someone who knows nothing about cars).

Let me take you back to the first recreational soccer trophy that you ever "won" . I'll tell you this, the NFL needs new inspiration in terms of trophy design. I think the Lombardi trophy is absolutely pathetic. It's a sorry excuse for an epic league - don't get me started about the Larry O'Brien trophy, as it just copies the Lombardi trophy.

Everything that you can do on land, but in the middle of the ocean. Best hash browns that I've ever had were actually on a cruise. It was nuts, they were the size of chicken nuggets, little cumin on top, some Heinz ketchup and call it a day.

Everyone, I'm thinking about going on the Keto diet. Mainly to say
"I'm entering Ketosis" and "I'm in Ketosis". I delve deeper into this only to then transition to Western movies. I hope y'all enjoy, happy Monday!

This is the last episode of the Here's My Thing podcast for 2018. For this Monday Morning Commute we talk about the expectations set for New Year's Eve Celebrations and this new chair I bought. Happy New Year, enjoy!

There is a formula and it seems so simple, but at the same time so, so hard. I know it's gotta be remarkably relatable, and I know it can be in the form of a meme about air-pods, or a stick figure doing "the whip", but going viral on Twitter is ever-so elusive.

I was watching a lot of the USA channel when I was back home over the holidays. I couldn't help notice a large amount of cologne commercials being aired, and I'm not sure why. However, I can 100% tell you that cologne commercials are some of the weirdest bits of advertising out there.

I personally don't support the idea that menus display calories. Not sure why it's a thing really? And I don't think restaurants did this to themselves, but for some reason they have to do it. Did someone get sued? What am I missing?

Not sure if this is known, but if you are a soccer team in North America, you don't have to name your pro soccer team after your city then follow it with "United" or "FC". On top of this, if you are in charge of choosing the name for your sporting franchise, there is no word bank of predatory animals that you have to choose from. Dance outside of the box, please.

The DMV is terrible. Absolutely terrible. With that being said, I had a weirdly positive experience my last trip. Overall it reminding me of the time sensitivity in returning textbooks in college. Enjoy!

One of the last things that I want to see on the island in my kitchen when I get home is a letter from AAA or Chase. If we are doing letters, let's limit them to: handwritten thank you, gratitude, and love letters. AAA and Chase if you want to get ahold of me, well I think you have my phone number? You for sure have my email. Honestly just FaceTime me.

The topic for this Monday Morning Commute is the classic real Christmas tree vs fake Christmas tree debate - and debate is a poor way to put it because it isn't much of a contest. The real tree is better, but at the same time, the fake tree beats the real tree to some spots. Let's talk about it.

I'm just not a hot chocolate guy. I get warm (more of an uncomfortable warm, kind of like you have a cold and are warming up indoors bundled up to the neck, not as much a warm laundry warm), rosy cheeks and nauseous - does that sound good to anyone?

I don't get the bad rap on Christmas shopping, or shopping in general really. I'm not talking about online shopping by the way. I'm talking about physical putting yourself in a store to buy someone you care about some random good.

I am not confrontational at all. I thoroughly enjoy it when 2 completely different people, with different viewpoints, get along. The other day I was listening to the Joe Rogan Experience and a man named Matt Brown was on. I knew who Matt Brown was, and to be honest, when I think of someone who does meditation, the last person I think of is Matt Brown, but my gosh Matt Brown surprised me. I supposed I like it that opposites attract.

Finally found my new dentist. I always thought that dental facilities were supposed to be in generic, commercial real estate buildings in the suburbs - never thought I'd see a dental office in a downtown setting. I'm glad I did, as this office provided me with more than just a tremendous cleaning, but an epic view of Portland. It was odd, I felt that I was in a luxury movie theatre, but at the same time, I was having people take photos of my teeth.

Forget taking down trees and hanging up lights. I am astonished by the lack of Santa-For-Hire Instagram pages out there. I'd like to think that if you are good at what you do, no reason you aren't bringing home $500 a weekend in December being Mr. Claus. Maybe I'm overestimating - the point being, no reason to hang lights from a sketchy ladder when you can post up in a comfy chair and take photos.

90% of my eyebrows are in line, normal sideways growth directed towards the temple. However, 10% of my eyebrows for some reason feel the need to grow towards my forehead and I have literally no idea why. Not sure exactly where I went wrong. I'm not here to cry over spilled milk, but if someone knows how to tame my brows please let me know.

The original idea behind the Monday Morning Commute was to record longer episodes to keep people company during their commutes on Monday mornings. I feel that more often than not when you're in your car on Monday morning you're probably going to work or something like it. Come to think of it I don't think any of the 26 MMC episodes had anything to do with work-related stuff. So, for the 27th installment, I discuss networking and my recent experience at a work-related event. After that I quickly touch on free-stuff. Let's have a great day. Enjoy!

I don't have a bed frame, and people seem to think that's very odd. There have been a lot of eyebrows being raised, and I'm not sure exactly why. If it's because I'm compromising my health, by all means, please step forward. Aside from that... not sure what's up?

There was someone, somewhere, at some time that decided that slurping was rude. Your only passes? The first few sips of coffee, tea, and soup. This makes no sense to me - slurping is simply efficient, and to be frank, complementary to the chef.

Bought a Greek Philly Cheesesteak the other day - basically a Philly Cheesesteak with feta on top. As I was paying I noticed some baklava in an elevated pie case by the register. This opened up a few questions for me.

Everyone, episode 200! Thank you all for rocking with me!! For this episode, I talk about the Fanta that I had at the airport. I couldn't help but connect my orange beverage to lean - I break that down a bit.

I say "A Christmas Music Episode" because there will probably be more. I just wanted to address when it is appropriate to start listening to Xmas music and that Xmas music is unbelievably average, but pushes the perfect emotional button.

I woke up the other day and immediately hopped on Instagram for 1 hour. It's totally legal, but I don't think that's okay. The iPhone is great, but once I silence the alarm I've got the world of app enjoyment at my fingertips, sometimes that's tough to turn down at 8:00 AM.

I figured once I transitioned to college, that was the worst shape I was going to be in ever. All the beer and junk food, I mean it just makes sense that cardio would go downhill from there. What I didn't know was that it would just get worse after college. From this, I break down the effects of having a lot of fried chicken before a soccer game (I got nauseous). I also break down the game of pool, the dynamics, the etiquette, but most importantly, pool table felt. For me, pool table felt might be the sexiest material out there. I'd like a jacket made out of it. Happy Monday, enjoy!

I was buying deodorant the other day and when I walked out of the store, I saw something odd out of the corner of my eye. To my surprise, it was one of those late 90s early 2000s vibrating cars that kids would ride. I hadn't seen one of those in ages. Is it like the fairly odd parents where they disappear when you hit a certain age? Why are they not as common anymore? What am I missing?

The shin guard dynamic changes over the course of each player's career.
It starts attached to ankle guards, but much like a rocket into space, certain components break off until you're ultimately left with a small piece of equipment. I'm going shin guard shopping for the first time in a long time and can't help but breakdown this topic.

I had undoubtedly the best-grilled cheese of my life the other day - that's not saying much, I don't have grilled cheeses that often. With that being said, while I was eating it I had a realization, a revelation if you will.

I was talking with a colleague about these shoes he was wearing. Not once didn't I search them on the internet, but I was talking about them with another human being and I ended up getting an FB ad about these very shoes. It would be all too easy to break my computer and phone only to go rogue, but I see an opportunity here. By opportunity I mean digital age arbitrage.

I was on LinkedIn the other day.
Read a few good articles.
Congratulated some people.
And then I noticed something.
All LinkedIn statuses are in the same format...
Not sure why this is.
What am I missing?
#productivity.

I'm just going to say it: all red wine tastes the same. The main difference is some are more confrontational with the taste buds than others. Also, sponges are disgusting. I love the idea of them, however, I just can't help but believe that they are a hotel for bacteria. Every time I'm around a sponge that is over a day old my allergies act up, regardless of whether or not I'm taking my Zyrtec. Enjoy!

After watching the heated exchanged between the Lakers and Rockets, I couldn't help but draw a connection to the infamous "Malice At The Palace."
*I was off in terms of what I thought they got fined then and what JR Smith is potentially going to get fined now*

For the 21st installment of THE Monday Morning Commute, I express my thoughts about allergies, then set the stage for bowling shoes which ultimately finds it's way into velcro. Let's have a tremendous day everyone. Enjoy!

Hopped in a Lyft at 4:30 AM to go to the airport last week. The mood was there, my luggage fit in the trunk (the car was a Yaris so that was a win), the driver was kind. However, she played a stand-up comedy routine at 4:30 in the morning - the volume was way up. It threw off an otherwise beautiful moment and from there I wasn't sure if this was appropriate or if I should've taken action.

I firmly believe that vegan desserts shouldn't be a thing, however, I caved against that belief the other day. Not to exaggerate or blow things out of proportion, but I very well may have had a cookie that has now graced my top 10 list.

How essential are essential oils? In all honesty, I don't fully know what an essential oil is or what it does. I think it's an oil that's essential...? Apparently, olive oil isn't an essential oil, which makes no sense to me at all. The only "essential oils" that I know of are lavender and tea tree - both a little overrate in my opinion. There has to be more, ya? Enjoy!

Econ 101, class is in session. Are fruit snacks actually good, or are they good because we have them in such small quantities? What about caviar? You're telling me people actually like caviar...? Let's make caviar $5 a tub and see if anyone actually buys it.

The original plan for this episode was to talk about sweatbands and playlists, but on my way to record this episode, I ripped my pants getting into my car. So the first half of this episode is pretty much raw emotion towards what happened. After that, I talk about how I can't make a good playlist at all. Never have been able to curate a list that flows properly... and I don't think I am being too hard on myself either. Have a great day. Enjoy!

I don't think Dippin' Dots are good, I think they are fun. There is a difference. What happened to them? I think you can only get them at stadiums now... is that just me or does anyone else notice that?

There is a direct correlation between how many U-turns you make, and how happy you are with your car. U-turns provide G-Force, but controlled G-force at that. I think we associate U-turns with making a mistake because we usually make a U-turn after we missed a turn. Let's not compound that error and contaminate the punch that is the "Uey".

Got called "Honey" by a stranger and it felt good. The best part about it was that I don't think she was thinking about it when she said it. Like it was a part of her normal rotation of words and was one of the lucky ones that got to hear it. It's becoming more and more apparent that subtle compliments can be great joys in life. Also, let's just get it straight that tickling is terrible. It isn't fun. It doesn't feel good. It's uncomfortable and annoying.
Hey, let's have a tremendous week. Enjoy!

Attended my first ever WWE event on Tuesday. Placed my thoughts, feelings, and takeaways into a crockpot, set the heat to low, went out and about for the day, came home around 6:00, turned the crock pot off, opened the lid and this is what came out.

I know that there is going to be a moment in my life, where I am going to need a pair of cowboy boots. It's a gut feeling really. I don't want to get to this moment, look into my closet, and see everything but a pair of cowboy boots - it's imperative that I take action. But how do I go about this? I think it starts with a trip to some sort of western boutique, and for authenticity purposes let's start it in Texas? I believe the saying goes: failing to prepare is preparing to fail.

For this episode of the Monday Morning Commute, I quickly discuss my Red Lobster experience only to transition to the most indulgent weekend of my life. We then dive into the meat of the podcast... Candy corn is terrible, but we need it. Happy Monday, enjoy!

Has anyone ever been inside city hall? I don't think I have ever seen the inside of city hall. Movies have taught me that city halls are big deals, but that hasn't been the case for me. It is such an intriguing topic.
City Hall. It's got a great ring to it. City Hall. Say it real quick. Focus on the fluctuation of your voice as you deepen it at the word "Hall".
Enjoy!

I would like it if we could somehow make the summer-to-fall transition abrupt - go from 80 and sunny to 55 and nippy - instead of this gradual shift into place. Pumpkin spiced lattes (PSL) are overrated, pumpkin cookies are absolutely fantastic, pumpkins are amazing in their own right. Sorta in that order, actually. Enjoy!

The energy the other night wasn't too good. Laying in my room, I looked around. Pile of clothes begging to be folded, my bed very much uninviting - things were off. I threw in the headphones, queued up P-Lo, and made my way to the gas station. From there, 24 ounces of Modelo and Flamas chips all went on the card. After that, I watched a drama with my housemate and enjoyed the evening. Proper, energy was restored. Does this need to need to buy things to restore energy? No, of course not. Spontaneity, well that may help.

A mellow (I'd like to think melodic) rant about printers. Don't know how much longer they will be around, but I appreciate them. There was a time where the amount of revenue your company brought in was directly related to the size of your printer. Think about that.

I never knew that The Vitamin Shoppe existed. I always thought that it assumed retail space when renters were looking for actual tenants. Turns out it is actually real, as I found myself in one looking for some MCT Oil that I am going to use to make bulletproof coffee. It doesn't end here, because apparently "shoppe" is a fancier, more aristocratic version of "shop" and after sniffing around The Vitamin Shoppe, I am starting to question as to why they choose to use "shoppe" in their title.

We have some roses at my house, I think 12 of them. They died a few days ago. The head, the bud of the rose, dipped downward, all of them in the same direction. It was cool! The color of the petals, well they had this rich, luscious, dark red, much a merlot in the middle, but the outside was still graced by the lighter, more lively red that they once were. I started smiling seeing these roses, literally, I was captivated by the beauty in them. I think dead roses might be more beautiful than alive roses... or at least, still beautiful so let's not throw them away as soon as they wilt. I feel like I'm neglecting some sort of literary device, but at the same time beauty peeks out in places we may overlook... which actually might be a literary device in it's own right... so... well here we are. Enjoy!

There is a lack of appreciation for umbrellas. In PDX it seems that you are looked down on if you use an umbrella - I can't get behind that. Umbrellas keep me dry and prevent me from putting on a hood which usually messes up my hair. Let it be noted that I am currently looking for an umbrella with a brown handle and black top... willing to spend $30.

Articles on how to be productive are all the same. It's the same steps just shuffled around. Yet, I love to read them. I don't really apply any of the principles, but I feel super good about myself after each read. It's a very interesting concept, especially when you consider that reading these articles isn't actually that productive at all. Ya?

There are 3 types of fireplaces. The ones that burn wood, the ones with fake wood and MacBook pros that show youtube videos of fireplaces. They are all different, but they all share a common trait: each fireplace provides a platform (the only platform) to use the word cackle.

Wifi went out this weekend, went back to the same coffee shop 3 times before 12:00 PM, I give my take on why the BLT is very average, and I question whether or not a protein shake is a protein shake if the metal ball/whisk isn't in your bottle. Enjoy!

Fake Instagram accounts. Do you have one? I feel that the ability to upload a random video of you acting out a scene from a show on the Lifetime channel and only allowing a few people to view it whenever they want is a power that not many utilize. Unregulated, pulpy content, that needs to be looked at... by a select few.

This NFL season is remarkably uncompelling. Post as many videos of LBJ dancing or photos of Aaron Rodgers in a Canadian Tuxedo, I don't care, it's not going to make me buy into it anymore. I can't believe I'm saying this. Please prove me wrong.

I've neglected corduroy for a majority of my life... not sure why. I think corduroy is the elite fabric of fall, the dominant one in winter, and then it gets a little old in the spring. In this episode, I talk about a certain photoshoot at Walmart, better yet the outfit I wore.
Happy Friday!

I think I'm going to invest in a briefcase. I gave away my tote bag and am having issues with my Columbia backpack and my need of somesort of bag is becoming apparent. Walking down the streets of Portland, OR with a leather briefcase - you know the clamps are metal - is something that seems necessary at this stage in my life.
Enjoy!

Is there a correct way to tell someone that they have food in between their teeth? Better yet, how do you do it? I break this down to the best of my abilities along with the variables that come with it.

Everyone, in this episode I take a quick tangent and guess how many total pounds of sweat I lost over the summer, reflect on my tolerance break from coffee, then I explain my stance on why the diagonal cut sandwich is superior to the horizontal. Also is the BLT actually good? I'll tackle this topic later this week. Enjoy!

Bit of a mishap at the barbershop yesterday. Was going for a 1940s haircut style, but got more of a Macklemore haircut. I know what you're thinking, aren't they the same thing? Not really, I've already had my Macklemore haircut phase, and I'm now in my 1940s haircut phase - they are different. There are some people who can rock any hairstyle that sits on their head with the utmost steez and confidence. Quite frankly I respect that. I'm just no one of those people. I want to emphasize that it wasn't the barber's fault, but it was mine for not clarifying what look I was going for. I'll probably run the haircut session back in 3-weeks.

There has never been a more clear-cut path to employment than becoming an NFL Kicker. The job itself is very, very challenging, but in terms of knowing what you have to do to get there it is pretty obvious. I break down the simple step-by-step process to becoming one of the 32 Kickers in the NFL

Brownie Batter is fantastic. It is caviar but at the same time is a cheap dessert. Brownie Batter plays the game very well. Plays hard to get to such an elite level, that it could get away with sending a lowercase "k" and I wouldn't be mad. It hits me with scarce amounts each time I have some, but I'm never underwhelmed and I always want more. Brownie Batter is elite beyond words.

Chewy yet fluffy. Decadent and Lavish. Gnocchi. I think I just had Gnocchi for the first time. Why aren't we pushing Gnocchi more? It's fantastic. Is because it's not healthy? Is that the reason we don't promote Gnocchi? I hope not - it's called indulgence.

Can't remember the last time I rang a doorbell. I forgot to take out my neighbor's trash while they were gone and got an aggressive knocking on my door when they got back from Spain. It really threw me off guard. If you're the door just text me.

If you are a parent with a smartphone and have a child under 5 years old. I'm pretty sure somewhere in the fine print of your cellphone contract reads, "you are responsible for 14% of your child's social media content when they are of age." I don't know one parent who doesn't have 1000+ photos of their kid on their phone - AND THAT'S NOT A BAD THING. I just hope that the kids have access to these photos when they hop on the Gram, allowing for seamless posting of #TBT Pics.

The room is complete! I got the command strips and succulent. I witnessed the beginning of a war last Thursday... a burger war that is. A popping new burger joint opened up across from a Burger King - it set the stage for Good Burger 2.0. Also, when does small talk become normal talk, and when does normal talk become deep talk? I think I have the answer. Enjoy the episode, happy Monday!

Is everything microwave-safe now? If not, when will everything be? I feel like the question "is it microwave-safe" is the 2005 version of "is it vegan". I still think this question deserves a little more attention than it gets, but I'm also the guy who openly admits he doesn't like IPAs.

I was on my flight home the other day and the women next to me pulled out a Jamba Juice smoothie from her tote bag. Not sure how she kept it in her tote bag without spilling, but why she was ripping a Jamba Juice smoothie at 8:45 PM I don't know. Wait... is Jamba Juice still a thing?

Trader Joe's is amazing. Cheap, good vibes, for some reason always a little colder than most grocery stores (I'm not complaining) - I'm about it. I now live somewhat close to one and plan to transfer all of my grocery shopping lists over to them very soon. I can thoroughly enjoy Trader Joe's all I want, but I had folding laundry - currently looking for ways out of doing it. Happy Monday!

Popped into a conveyor belt sushi place and had a great casual conversation with an elderly woman and her daughter. I think it's safe to say when it comes down to average sushi, in my book, conveyor belt style is the way to go - and if you include great convo with strangers, there is no doubt it is THE way to go.

Electric scooters have seemed to assumed the main transporting duties in Portland and I'm all about it - they are unbelievably fun. I was thinking about possibly getting into biking to work to help shed some lbs, but with these new scooters, I struggle to see that happening. Maybe I can trick my body into thinking I'm biking?

I got caught rolling through a red light a few weeks back. My ticket? $270. I always assumed that tickets went back to rebuilding or building up infastructure or something like that, but after this red light citatation it's blaintantly obvious that a portion of each ticket is actually a fee for the photogrpaher perched up on street lights taking photos of traffic law violators.

This is what goes through my head when I think about designing my new room. I've been aiming to make my room as chic as possible for the last two years and haven't quite hit the mark by any stretch of the term. The thing is, I love the thought of designing my room - like I assume I have interior design skills when in all honesty, I don't know what interior design really is . I feel confident with my current blueprints, but with that being said, can I bring these blueprints to real life? We will see.

One of the most consistent items in today's world. Unquestionably flavorful, questionably structured. Let's not bash on the producer for the poor construction of this bar, but instead, take the blame as the users for choosing to eat these crumb-prone bars on the couch.

I find it mind boggling that people who fly on commercial aircrafts and sit in economy, feel the need to sit at the front of the economy section. Why? That makes no sense. During this podcast, I explain why the back of the plane is absolutely fantastic. It will change the way you look at seating on planes.

This is a "prant" (a pleased rant) about Venmo. Special shout out to Elliot, Jake, Nori, and Scott for their thoughtful Venmos earlier this month. Everyone, I used to only think that Venmo was a one-trick pony. I used to think that it was just was just a fantastic way to pay someone back - which it is - but oh my is it much, much more.

The "pancakes vs waffles" debate is one that doesn't garner that much attention for some reason. I am not sure why, as it truly brings a fantastic platform to engage in verbal warfare over a load of calories. I give my take. Here's a hint and ultimately my thing: Pancakes > Waffles.

I used to think that if you had bad penmanship you weren't smart. That all changed in 5th grade when I was graced by the presence of a kid who held a pen like he held a football, but slayed every single test. As long as it's legible, we are good.

Fundraisers are fantastic. In my head when I hear fundraiser I actually hear "fun-da-raiser" - which is pretty fun in its own right. Nonetheless, there seems to be this weird rule where most fundraisers have to be down by way of car wash...? I don't know why this is a thing, not sure where this rule came from, but why don't we mix things up? How about instead of car washes, we do back rubs? Who is gonna say no to raising funds when they are getting backrubs?

Tried to enter Google Chrome to search up something random, but I accidentally clicked Microsoft Excel. I then waited for Excel to load (a long time), only to close it and then enter Google Chrome. It through off my whole process - I think I forgot the random thing I was going to search. It urked me so much I started this episode right after the incident.

I used to think that denim was only meant to be worn from the waist down, but then I moved to Portland, OR. I now own 1 jean jacket with 3 patches on it and I couldn't be happier with it. This is a huge step for me.

I always thought that the skills behind a Weber BBQ came once you had a couple of kids or put a down payment on a house. I can confidently say that's not the case. It takes legitimate practice and a dedication to the craft to be nice behind those coarse grill grates. I'm going to strive to be considered a legitimate candidate for the person who is responsible for the ribs at neighborhood potlucks, but when it all comes down to it, as long as I am getting somewhat consistent reps on my own Weber, that's fine with me.

I love the show Survivor, but it needs some updating. What if instead of average people being on it, we had Instagram Influencers on...? Boom- every 11-year-old who follows Jake and Logan Paul would be tuning in. Here's the catch: when you get voted off, you don't have to leave, you get your social media accounts deleted instead. Such drama!

Big dangers in today's world are cybersecurity and having to guard an elite ball handler in isolation with someone filming. Back in the 20s-30s, all we had to worry about was pianos and anvils falling on our heads. Not to mention the occasional stick of dynamite. I wish I had those issues. The good ole days.

Recycling has gotten too complicated for me recently. The other day I went to dispose of some stuff, but it took me 15-minutes to do so because there are so many different bins to put each item in. What's worse is that I feel like I'm committing a real crime when I don't recycle because people will go out of their way to let me know what I did was wrong.

There are people who get up early and get a dozen bagels for their loved ones before their loved ones wake up. There are also people who get up and get plain bagels and plain cream cheese for their loved ones before they wake up. Chop it up how you want it, but there is a very fine line between good and bad with this scenario.

Why don't we ask this question more often? Millions of children across the US eat these in bulk every October 31st yet if this question pops up in Jeopardy, no one would have any clue as to what a Butterfinger really is. Butterfingers aren't good.

For this episode of the Monday Morning Commute, I break down a recent jazz festival and how La La Land romanticized that world for me. I then discuss why there is no reason to print jokes on popsicle sticks anymore.
#HeresMyThing

Here's my thing: it is so funny how polarizing of a debate this is... but the way I see it, Travis Scott is undeniably gorgeous. Just watch his interview with Nardwuar, you'll know what I mean. I think the people who don't think he is good looking are the same ones who agree that Blake Shelton was actually the sexiest man alive in 2017. Come on.

Here's my thing: the Facebook data scandal was huge, but I think it was just a smoke bomb for the real crime... Facebook Memories. I don't like facebook memories in the slightest. They provide me with the most cringe-worthy statuses and photos. I couldn't have been that grammatically incorrect... could I?

Here's my thing: there is a subtle beauty to lying in your bed sweaty and "miserable" on most summer nights. The only thing keeping you company is the purrr of your fan and The Weeknd's "What You Need". This combo is META when beating the heat at night. We don't need to be scared of the high temperatures when trying to sleep anymore. Let's enjoy this spiritual journey that the heat takes us through.

Here's my thing: for the past few years I've been subconsciously debating whether or not I should rock a crop top - better yet, whether or not I should add one to my wardrobe. Prior to 5 years ago, I felt that people who wore crop tops were exceptionally powerful human beings. Nowadays everyone seems to wear them and I honestly back this movement. This episode of Here's My Thing marks the crop top deployment in my wardrode.

Here's my thing: my weekend was full of entertainment. Saturday night found me alone at Buffalo Wild Wings. Half a pint of Coors Light to my right and the remnants of 15 wings to my left. Sunday, I saw a Marvel movie that was funnier than normal, but can someone explain to me where the villain got her British accent?

Here's my thing: I'll throw a compliment Starbucks' way once in a blue moon. That blue moon is here... WELL DONE Starbucks. This new cold foam cascara cold brew is absolutely fantastic. And it's only like 85 calories?? I'm in. I back this. Still won't have a pumpkin spiced latte, but hey I'm down with this new menu item.

Here's my thing: the 4th of July is a great day. Its consistency is unparalleled. It follows the classic storyline premise. The excitement builds up all day and then boom, fireworks! Can we ask for anything else? With that being said, everyone has a different "succesful" fourth of July. What are you doing for the 4th?

Here's my thing: Everyone it is Monday and I know that word might scare some people, but you know what... it's going to be a great day, a great week, a great month, a great year and so on and so forth.
1)Routine
2)Street Fair

Here's my thing: It's great that we can track our total steps... but what if we could track how many burritos we've eaten? Or even how much time we've spent waiting in line at the McD's drive thru? I think that would be absolutely fantastic.

Here's my thing: Sometimes the most expensive things in life aren't the best. Sometimes the cheaper item is better than the item 10x it in price. I had smoked gouda and garlic chips, and I know by the name it sounds like this bag of potatoes is going to be $12.99. Nope. It was $1.99. Here is my experience and thoughts.

Here's my thing: I can remember walking into, what I thought was, my cousin's room to her cutting out celebrity pics in magazines. Why was she doing this? At the time I had no idea, but as time went on it became apparent. She was making a celebrity collage that she was going to fill her wall with.
I reflect on this moment.

Here's my thing: Been taking the bus a lot more lately. I am fulfilling my childhood desire of wanting to take the bus to school, but at the same time, I'd like to think I'm appreciating public transportation as a while a little more. You see things, hear things and ultimately smell things whenever taking your town's light rail... let's embrace that.

Here's my thing: Look I get it. Luxury Cinemas are the future of movies. But can we please pump the breaks, because that's a future I don't want for another 40 years. I'm all about movie theaters with squeaky chairs and stale popcorn on the sticky ground. I need at least 3 of those in every major city in the US.

Here's my thing: Let's start this week off right. A little bit of a longer episode for those sitting in traffic on this fine Monday morning. I talk about:
1) All white hi-top converse
2) MTV's Jersey Shore
3) The handshake dilemma
4) Nobody is waiting for The Incredibles 2

Here's my thing: No one likes doing chores, but chores need to get done. What if I told you we were approaching chores from the completely wrong angle? What if I told you there was a way to make doing chores a little more satisfying?

Here's my thing: For episode 50, I felt that I needed to express the importance of bringing back coins into everyday life. We are approaching a time where coins will be obsolete. That scares me. Lets pump the breaks on credit cards and cryptocurrency for just a second, ya?

Here's my thing: Darren Till walked out to the Octagon in his hometown of Liverpool to Neil Diamond's, "Sweet Caroline" and it almost immediately became one of my favorite walkouts of all time. I originally thought that "Sweet Caroline" was only for bars, weddings, karaoke, and Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, but after Sunday at 1:00 pm I realized that there is much more to it.

Here's my thing: Everyone is saying how Pusha T got destroyed by Drake's diss track "Duppy". I'm not saying he didn't, but I think he knew he was going to get destroyed. He knew there was no way he would win any sort of rap battle with Drake. I think this was all part of a Pusha T plan to boost his album sales, even though Drake ended up sending him an invoice for his help in doing so. As far as I'm concerned, what if they were both in it together to increase their social media engagement? What if this was just a hoax? What if this was the greatest trick of all time?

Here's my thing: Netflix is great, but as of late, they have been producing too much original content. It's to the point where I am overwhelmed. I feel bad coming down on them for having too many shows, but sometimes enough is enough - for now that is.
Netflix, it's not you, it's me.

Here's my thing: I'm all about trains. Such a cool environment to get from point A to point B. There are different types of people who occupy the seats of the vehicles, and with that one usually has a story or 2 to take home.

Here's my thing: I remember a time where orange slices would be presented to me at halftime of my youth soccer games. When and why did we stop doing this? Can someone explain to me why orange slices aren't a thing during breaks in the working world?

Here's my thing: I remember back in elementary school hoping to stumble upon a genie lamp at recess. I had my wishes ready to go back then. However, times have changed - and those wishes that I thought were fantastic are not nearly as appealing as they once were. Here are my new 3 wishes.

Here's my thing: I love to give a nice wave and smile to someone when they let me go first at a 4-way stop sign intersection. The same goes for when I let someone else go before me. I so value these quick forms of communication!!! Maybe too much...?

Here's my thing: I am very happy and veerrrryyyyy excited for these 70 new RnM episodes. It's a great show. To be honest, I never thought I would like it in the first place. Don't judge a book by its cover.

Here's my thing: There is a question as old as music itself: Does music make moments, or do moments make music?
This is a great question - a tough one at that. But when it's all said and done, once the chips hit the table, music makes moments in my book.

Here's my thing: Besides from a couple of times in 2018, the last time I paid at the first drive-through window was in 2004 at El Pollo Loco in San Diego, CA. The first drive-through window is a dark and lonely place.

Here's my thing: Happy hour is an American pastime, much like spending half a day at Ikea or going to the zoo. What if I told you that there was something even happier than happy hour? What if I told you there is a completely different way to approach happy hour?

Here's my thing: I want to know what's the least amount of money I can spend at New Seasons for a week's worth of groceries. I'm pretty sure once I start shopping at New Seasons, I actually become certified to tell people that I shop there.

Here's my thing: I thought Snapchat was done for after their last update a couple months back. Little did I know they were about to complete one of the best comebacks of all time. I dig the new update. I'm about it.

Here's my thing: History tells the tale of a great debate. One that isn't decided over a quick chat. Chances are that this talk won't settle it by any means. With that being said... what is the most important meal of the day? I give my take.

Here's my thing: For the most part, I drink coffee on a daily basis. No other way to put it. With that being said, I do enjoy a nice Yerba Mate (Guayaki brand). It's different, light, refreshing, and has naturally occurring caffeine. Sign. Me. Up.
I think there is a new underdog in the morning-pick-me-up world. Coffee meet Yerba Mate (Guayaki brand).

Here's my thing - there are a ton of great questions out there. With that, a ton of great debates. However, I don't think the question of whether or not a clothed iPhone (case) is better than a naked one (no case) gets enough attention. Let's give it some light.