A Letter To My Average Child Who Seems Invisible

Every week your little heart floods with hope that today could be the day; maybe this will be the week that you get a certificate from school.

Today, as we set out on the school run, you told me how you felt sure you’d get a “caught being kind” award this week because of all the people you’d looked after. You told me about Lacey who’d hurt her knee, Lilly-May who’d lost her coat, and Archie who had been stuck with his maths work – all beneficiaries of your empathetic, helpful nature….

Your heart is full of hope. Mine is full is cynicism. I know how hard you work, and I know how thoughtful you are… and I know that nobody ever notices.

You are the average child.

The average child

You are firmly in the middle – not a high flyer and not a straggler. You don’t sparkle at sports and you don’t suck at them either. You keep up with the level of work… but you don’t exceed expectations or fall behind. You are a good reader… but don’t stand out or need extra help.

Average.

You help your friends quietly, away from the limelight, without doing it for show. You do it because you care for them, not because you care for certificates. You still believe the falsehood that the the teachers will notice you busily beavering away but, the reality is, unless you make a song and dance of it, they won’t. It’s not their fault – they are just too busy.

The class teachers look out on a sea of faces and they don’t see yours. They see the ones who get full marks or no marks at all. You are the invisible middle ground – compliant and hardworking, but not demanding or attention-seeking.

In assembly today, a tear slipped down my cheek! Your name was not called out for an award. Again. You were not singled out. You were not noticed. You were not acknowledged. As the headteacher commented on the children sitting nicely I saw you sit up so straight, you almost arched your back – you were begging to be seen, desperate to please.

But you were passed over.

I see you

You do your school work every day without complaining, slowly plugging away and getting things done. You are the most thoughtful child I know – your ability to empathise and read situations would put most adults to shame. You have a real eye for colour and put clothing outfits together that I would never dream of… and yet somehow they work! You are fantastic at baking and, at just 6 years old, can be trusted to make them almost independently.

Just keep doing you, little one.

Being an average child is okay. In fact, being an average child is great – you are doing everything that you are supposed to do – you are right on target. You are keeping up exactly with where you need to be and developing at a completely normal rate. That’s all brilliant!

You are reliable and hardworking. You are kind and unassuming. You keep your head down and move at your own pace.

These are brilliant qualities.

And it doesn’t matter how many certificates you get. Your worth is an irrefutable fact.

So yes the world may see an average child but you are so much more than that. You enrich the lives of those around you. When you see that I am sad, you cuddle up next to me and offer me a sweet from your secret stash. When I am making tea, you always rush in to help me. When your sister draws a picture, you praise her so highly and demand that we stick it up on the wall.

I wept today because you deserve recognition…

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Lucy is a stay at home mummy to two little girls and wife to a very patient husband! She loves being outside, watching Disney films, and making music. Her blog covers all things mummy-ish from parenting issues, to product reviews, to child-friendly travel destinations.

19 Comments

Awww my heart goes out to your “average child” because as a teacher I know you are right. These are the children who we really treasure. Who make our lives easier by being so amazing. I wish I could think of ways to help your little one feel that she is treasured and yet I know that in life those who are loud are always the ones that get noticed. But it’s treasures like you who will be the richest in life. Hold on little one… you are wonderful and life will bring you far richer rewards than certificates at school. From one invisible person to another… shine on and don’t change to please others #dreamteam

Your daughter is a hard worker and might not be an A student but she is doing her best. I’m not too keen on giving awards in class as this is a type of thing that can be a confidence damper especially to those who is not at the receiving end. What I love about the school my kids attend is that everyone gets a reward sticker for work completed. And at the end of the year everyone gets a certificate for a particular achievement they had throughout the year. Average or not average, you daughter is thriving at her own pace.#dreamteam

This really made me emotional. I guess it is difficult for teachers especially nowadays when so many children are crammed into one class. Nevertheless, it’s amazing that your daughter still continues to do her best and hasn’t given up because no one at school recognises and I guess that is because you recognise it, you are always there for her and encouraging:) #DreamTeam

Awww I could have written this! In fact, I recently sent an email to my child’s school asking…”how are you meeting the needs of the middle?’ As after 12 years in school, my beautiful child is rarely acknowledged. I think this is something schools should be careful of. Every child deserves recognition and made to feel special. I just wanted the school to give a commendation for something! My child hadn’t received anything since 2014 ffs. I’m with you. Hopefully she will meet a teacher one day who will notice her amazing talents at being in task all the time and for being that kind child that everyone loves. It’s so important. I loved your post Lucy. Xxx#dreamteam

We grew up with this, it was normal back then – only the best got the recognition. Now I think we’ve skewed it up and place too much value on these certificates etc. You do good because it’s the right thing to do. Not to be recognised. You the mum recognises it, shows the kid the value and guess what, a contented adult is the prize. Not someone always seeking external approval to feel validated.
Yes it’s lovely when you win a prize but the fact that everyone in the team eventually gets best player, everyone in the class eventually gets some award is doing this generation no favours, in my opinion.
Be the best you can be because you’re you. Not for anyone or anything else. #Dreamteam

Yes! I was the average child at school and know exactly how it feels. Seeing my son now at school it’s exactly the same and because of where we live it’s always the kids from certain families or non English speaking that get all the praise and it does feel horrid seeing them constantly over looked. I think unless you’ve been that child or have that child you just wouldn’t understand xx

This made my heart ache in such a beautiful way. Your daughter is so lucky to have such a loving mum in her corner. I think that the people that successfully stay under the radar are those that end up the happiest in life. The radar carries so much pressure. Thanks for linking to #DreamTeam Lucy x

This had me in tears! I think we have the same child and her disappointments are felt so keenly it breaks my heart. Being kind is the most important thing they can be though and ours have that nailed…. Xxx

This is so beautiful. My son was quiet but now at 27 when he speaks men much older stop to listen – because usually when he has something to say it’s worthwhile listening to. Your daughter sounds wonderful xx

When the Tubblet was the same age, one of her teachers had a Star of the Week award. Behind the scenes she would make sure that each child in her class got nominated for it during the course of the year. She’d then write a letter about the things she and the children had noticed about the nominee that would be read out and given to them afterwards. That strikes me as a slightly better system as it acknowledges every child and tells them that they’re valued and noticed. .

The Tubblet is 14 now and nearly as tall as me and I’ve still got it. And I still well up thinking about it.

As an average child in school I completely sympathise. As my son’s keyworker said in nursery recently “it’s easy to notice the child who is experience difficulty or who needs attention”, but of course those who are happily beavering away get overlooked. I’m sure your daughter isn’t average at all, they’re all exceptional just in different ways. We go to a toddler football class on a Saturday, and each week there are “stars of the session” called out. I’ve noticed that over time EVERY SINGLE child has been named at some point. They could get an award for being enthusiastic, or being a good tidier, or helping another friend, or playing happily… it’s wonderful. #aBloggingGoodTime

Oh, this is so heartbreaking. It’s horrible to see your child being overlooked and know that there’s nothing you can do about it. I’m sure she knows exactly how much you think of her though, and I suppose ultimately it’s better to have your own sense of self worth, rather than taking it from the praise of others. But oh, it’s not that easy is it? I really hope she gets the recognition she deserves soon. Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

This is so sad! Bless her heart, its not nice that she has noticed herself that she hasn’t been awarded. School is tough on kids and I agree with you, if your in the middle then you just bumble along. Its the high flyers and the ones that need more help that get all the attention. I hope her time in the spotlight comes soon. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

Oh Lucy this has made me well up! I totally understand this as I often felt/feel like this and am therefore really conscious of this as a teacher to try and make sure every student feels valued. I HATE the certificates and start of the day mentality that has taken over some classrooms – as I wrote in an essay for an MA in education you are basically upsetting 29 other little ones when you pick that ‘1 child out’. This is a beautifully written post – your daughter is lucky to have you for her Mum xx
#ablogginggoodtime xx

such a heart-felt post. My heart is aching for the the brilliantly average children out there. The ones that get it done; share the love; don’t constantly have a melt down; are, quite simply, nice straightforward young people who will continue to grow and contribute and bring joy to the lives of their friends and families. It is so sad that unless you are a trouble maker or in need of extra support at either end of the scale you don’t get noticed. It must seem so unfair when the ‘naughty kid’ next to you gets a reward for not being naughty that week , whilst you are rarely naughty and never get mentioned…. perhaps that’s why so many kids decide to play up. #blogcrush

This is such a lovely, and sad post. And as I teacher I know you’re right. I teach secondary which is a bit different but I always feel sorry for all the kids in the middle. I do my best to recognise everyone but unfortunately it is usually those demanding the most attention that get it. I’m sure your daughter’s teacher does notice her though – I know I always did notice those in the middle who were quietly getting on with things and trying their best – and I’m sure she will be recognised for her efforts sooner or later. And if she isn’t then she’s got a fantastic mum in her corner who will make sure she knows how special she is 🙂 #SharingTheBlogLove

[…] really felt for Lucy and her daughter when I read her post, A Letter To My Average Child Who Seems Invisible. I think teachers are so pushed these days that the average child is so often overlooked in school. […]

Lucy is a stay at home mummy to 2 little girls (7 & 3)
as well as the founder and editor of Lucy At Home. Based in Yorkshire (UK), Lucy's writing focuses on all things mummy-ish from parenting challenges to family entertainment to precious moments.

EMAIL: lucy@lucyathome.co.uk

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