Blog Archive

The Reality of Modern Dads?

Being a stay at home dad means dealing with things you may not encounter in everyday life. It may mean that you are called “Mr. Mom,” or someone might ask if you are babysitting your kids to help mom out. What it means to me is being the best father I can be to my children. But changing society’s perception of what it means to be a great dad doesn’t happen overnight. We know that the number of stay at home dads is on the rise, but also that men are taking more active roles in raising their children these days.

In the media and sometimes in TV, men are portrayed negatively; the bumbling dad, the clueless and incompetent father just getting by. We’ve laughed along with shows like Family Guy and The Simpsons with dads that clearly fit these stereotypes. The difference is when real people are portrayed as the hapless fathers with no clue. So who would want to watch a show about guys who raise their children to the best of their ability? Who would want to watch a show that takes a glimpse of what it is like to be a new dad, a stay at home dad, a single dad, and a step-dad? Fortunately for us, A&E has taken that leap.

Photo by Richard Knapp

Like a brand new baby in a family, A&E is proudly showing off their latest addition August 21st, at 10:30pm. I had a chance to interview Rick Lucas, a cast member who is in the new show about his experiences as a stay at home dad and how reality TV is going to portray these dads.

Rick, like most of us at home dads, is clearly no bumbling stereotype. He worked in educational publishing before staying at home and then continued to freelance in that field until 2008. Then he worked at Brookhollow Elementary with autistic children at his school where he is also the PTO President before staying at home full time. As a husband to his wife, Meghan, a father of two boys, Zach and JT, ages 8 and 11, and 19 month old twin girls Katherine and Elizabeth, he prefers FTD (Full Time Dad) to SAHD because it demonstrates just how dedicated a primary caregiver can be.

Photo by Richard Knapp

When I asked him if he was worried about how dads have been portrayed on reality shows he told me that he told A&E producers “I may have a different way of doing things but I am not an idiot”. He said that when A&E approached him about the show that Duck Dynasty had just come out and that he was impressed with how they handled the show which has cast members that can easily be stereotyped.

Reality shows are a tricky area because they are about entertainment. Shows need to be interesting and engaging in some way to hook viewers so why should people watch ‘Modern Dads’? Rick tells me that A&E did a great job of getting to know the families and that the show is character driven and not plot driven like some reality shows are. “The stories grew out of who we are as real people, doing what we do everyday.”

As a full time dad of four kids and stay at home veteran of 10 years, I asked Rick if he had any advice for guys who were staying at home or just starting out. He said that sometimes you will just be maintaining and that you don’t want to set your expectations too high. “If you measure yourself by someone else’s yardstick you are always going to come up short. So you have to throw the yardstick away and do what is right for you and your family” He stressed how important staying at home with his kids was and to celebrate the fact that you get to do it and have fun with it.

Photo by Richard Knapp

Rick wasn’t aware of the National At Home Dad Network or that there was a convention every year. He was excited to know that there was such a thing to support stay at home dads. I asked him how it was to have such a great support group around him. “You couldn’t do it any other way. We are redefining what it is to be dads.” He looks forward to the time when he can attend the convention himself and passed the information on to his Austin group.

Being a SAHP is a tough job. There is no paycheck, there are no bonuses, no 401K to show for your work. No one is going to give you an award or prize. From those tough days where Rick faces his girls removing their diapers and him cleaning it like a crime scene to his son standing out in his care for an autistic girl at his school, it is all about caring. Rick’s family has a motto “It’s not about you. It’s about us” and we hope that A&E captures that sentiment about dads.

Disclosure: I was given an early peek of the pilot episode of Modern Dads, and given the opportunity to talk to Rick Lucas, for the purpose of this article. Opinions are my own, and this article is not an endorsement of ‘Modern Dads’ by the National At-Home Dad Network.

About Chris Bernholdt

Chris Bernholdt was an art educator for ten years and has been a stay at home dad since 2008 when he first started writing his blog called DadNCharge. His focus is to empower dads with the knowledge and creativity it takes to raise children.He is the blog editor for the National At Home Dad Network and his writing has appeared on The Huffington Post, The Good Men Project, CNN iReport, and the Life of Dad website as well as TV appearances on The Today Show, Good Morning America, and Fox and Friends. He is also the co-founder of Philly Dads Group a social group for dads. He lives in a suburb of Philadelphia with his three kids and wife, Susie.

According to the Office for National Statistics, the number of fathers who have chosen to look after home and hearth has doubled in the last 20 years, from 111,000 to 209,000. Sociologists are of the opinion that the decision to stay at home is a pro-active choice and not the outcome of any pressures or compulsions. It has got more to do with the crumbling of redundant notions about stereotyped gender roles that modern society has now challenged and discarded. Now with borders having become seamless and horizons drawn closer, the limitations of time and space suddenly seem insignificant, thus giving rise to virtual and flexible working arrangements which allow people the freedom to work in their homes at a schedule that suits their other personal commitments. This is a great opportunity for all those house husbands who have willingly chosen to remain at home to shed their ‘economically inactive’ tag by joining the homeworking bandwagon and tap into a convenient means of augmenting the family income. For details please read my blog article http://blog.arise.com/uk/independent-business-owners/a-great-opportunity-for-the-emerging-generation-of-house-husbands/

As a stay at home dad I was excited to see the show. When I was visiting Austin I saw the casting call awhile back. I can’t tell you how sad it was to see the broadcast. Another scripted “reality” show with people begging to be the stereotype. It’s like they made a boy band. The bumbling but sweet hearted one, the sexy one, the smart one, & the hipster & each person plays their role.
I was hoping for real situations that weren’t typed in advance. Things like a Wife coming home & ruing the systems that you entrench all day. Not planning (MOST CLICHE THING EVER Rick Lucas) a princess party, to top it off the SAHD can’t use a power tool so his wife does it.
None of these dads have any professional things happening to show them as experts at something? No Dad’s about to go postal from lack of adult time or terrible two’s? No arguments over vaccinations?
I already get looks of,”What’s wrong with that man to be here in the middle of the day?” Now I get a tv show to make me look even stupider, sluttier, lost, & whipped.

Raising my daughter was a huge decision with massive consequences & this show doesn’t show that. It shows sad men trying to be Mommies or the worst version of Men possible. I’m sure if I knew these guys I would think differently of them but that isn’t what they/the show portrays.
I take raising my girl very seriously & don’t want my efforts to be mis-portrayed.