Obsessing about Appearance

My BF is deployed right now, has been gone 7 wks from his 3 month deployment. I am luckily enough to go see him for 2 days in Hawaii, but I feel like im obsessing about everything! I have been wanting to lose weight for him since he left, and now its game on even more so. The damn scale doesnt move fast enough for me! I want everything to be perfect when he see’s me again, and I guess in my own way for him to reconfirm that I am the one for him. Am I crazy to be thinking this way?

Take a deep breath and remember that he fell in love with who you are and loves you as-is. He’ll be super happy to see you even if you haven’t lost much weight since he deployed. You’re not crazy at all, but you don’t need to kill yourself stressing about it. Getting to spend time together will be perfect enough for him, I’m sure.

cls9q: You’re right. I say 0-2, its probably more like 2-4 (depending on the clothes) I know in the big scheme of things, I am not big, but my first marriage ended with my exhusband thinking I wasnt attractive and wouldnt even sleep with me. I think im paranoid that the same thing will happen with my BF at this point, especially since he hasnt seen me for awhile. Its so much easier said that done, to say that I need to calm down and relax. My brain says one thing, but the heart says another.

I think that you do have a problem and that cls9q is right. You are at the thin end of being thin and quite soon if you lose weight you will disappear altogether.

This is what you put on another thread:

I feel so fat now! Im 5’2, about 128 and wear a size 0-2. Im very muscular, but I wish I only weighted 110-115. It took basically starving myself to hit 128. I work out daily, lift tons of weight and run. Im so jealous of you ladies at 5’3-5’5 only weighing 110 lbs!!!<br /><br />

I thought I would just put it here so that any other ladies replying to you gets an idea of context.

Your husband loves you as you are. He doesn’t want a perfect human being, he wants you. He doesn’t want a woman of a particular shape or size, he wants you.

Talk to your husband about how you feel and then get yourself some professional help. After your first marriage it is understandable that your confidence has taken a massive knock. But you can’t allow your first marriage, and its awfulness, to affect your new marriage.

The fact that your head says one thing and your heart says another means that you do need help. The fact that you’ve recognised it is a very positive thing. Please act upon it.

OP, I think you just need to relax. If your BF had a problem with your weight I’m sure he would have said something by now. And you know what, if he has a problem with, fuck him. I know how much past relationships can affect new ones, but you just need to realize your ex husband was an asshole and your new BF is with you because he wants to be. He obviously likes the way you look if he’s still with you. Try to not let your insecurities take over and ruin a perfectly good relationship.

acoastieslove: My first husband made a million excuses as to why he didn’t want to have sex but it all sounded like: “I’m not attracted to you” in my head. It’s taken me a long time to realize it had nothind to do with my weight but I can relate to how you feel. The man I’m with now will encourage me in my goals (I just gained 10-15lbs on purpose because I was underweight and unhealthy.

I wouldn’t focus on the number, I would focus on how you feel. Your SO isn’t going to see you and makeyou step on a scale, bring only things you feel fabulous and confident in to see him in Hawaii.