On Tuesday, John Wall played his first home game as a Washington Wizard. During his introduction, he came out to "Teach Me How To Dougie" and performed the accompanying dance. Colin Cowherd was less than thrilled because Colin Cowherd is an asshole.

Sitting atop the highest of high horses, Cowherd lambasted Wall for his performance and springboarded into the rantiest of rants about how the dance was all the evidence he needed to show John Wall would never win an NBA title. Have a listen. It is basically three minutes of a man trying very hard not to say the n-word.

Wall's line for the night against the 76ers was a ridiculous 29 and 13 with nine steals, but he did commit eight turnovers—which is what happens when you're a player who takes chances and you're playing for the Wizards. That's a great game! Meanwhile, against the Pistons, Rajon Rondo put up 17 assists with four steals and no turnovers (playing with Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, and Kevin Garnett). That's also a great game! But Wall, Cowherd thinks, is out of control, as evidenced by those turnovers and all that dancing, which on planet Earth aren't actually related.. Even more absurd, Cowherd uses the dancing as proof that Wall isn't "a sharp guy":

Point guard is like the quarterback. It's an IQ-judgment position. The great ones are not about themselves. They're about the others. Leadership is IQ, it's not skills.

So, since he dances, John Wall is not a leader and is also stupid. Check.

The whole rant is worth a listen for its inanity. Pay special attention to Cowherd's mindbending comparison of the dance to planning a bank robbery.