Kepler Telescope Finds 5 New 'Habitable' Planets!

Oh boy. This is awesome. I can't hype this enough -- what I'm about to tell you is even more exciting than thundersnow. I know!

The Kepler space telescope has found 1,200 likely new planets this year. The coolest part? Five of them are the size of Earth, rotate around a sun-like star, and they're in our galaxy.

Take a second, let it sink in. OK, let's keep going. These five planets are also in the "habitable zone," which means they are far enough away from their sun where liquid water can exist. And everyone knows that where there's liquid water, there's the possibility for life.

It's beginning to sound like we've got some major problems on our hands.

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Like, for starters, how are we going to get to these five other Earths?﻿ Does Branson know about these? Has he been building us a shuttle to get there? I really hope so.

Secondly, what has our planet been doing to prep for alien invasion? Someone get Will Smith on the horn. At this point I think he has the most knowledge on the subject.

Thirdly, what does this mean for God? Is there another God he's got to compete with who created these other universes? Uh oh. This could mean more thundersnow!

And finally, if one of these planets has oxygen and can support human life, I'd like it to be inhabited by women only. We need a place all to ourselves, am I right, ladies? It'll be our little planet of R&R.

In a generation we have gone from extraterrestrial planets being a mainstay of science fiction, to the present, where Kepler has helped turn science fiction into today's reality.

I don't know what else you need to hear. Good thing you have all those canned goods in the basement when you prepped for Y2K. Now, does anyone know how far 2,000 light years is? Just wanna know how many pairs of underwear to pack.

How psyched are you for these five new Earth-sized, sun-like, star-orbiting, potential new planets in the habitable zone?!