Does your underwear just lie there, passive, doing almost nothing for you? Maybe you need a Bracli pearl thong. Unlike your vanilla cotton panties, this thing has a job, and that job is to rub you the right way.

Yesterday, we wrote about Macrida Patterson, who sustained an eye injury from a bit of metal flying off her thong. After viewing the current selection of v-strings by Victoria's Secret, we determined that it had to have been a truly horrific bedazzled thong with matching veil. Macrida — who, by the way, is by no means…

Yesterday, our sister site Consumerist published an article about a lawsuit filed against Victoria's Secret by Macrida Patterson, 52, of Los Angeles. The suit alleges that while Ms. Patterson was attempting to try on a v-string from the "Sexy Little Thing" line, a decorative piece flew off and hit her in the eye…

Thank God: The thong is dead! The paper we love to hate, Britain's Daily Mail, reports that women are giving up on thongs because they're both uncomfortable and trashy-looking. In 2003 thongs accounted for 1/3 of the underwear market's sales, but now that figure is closer to 13%. How the mighty have fallen...and…