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Friday, April 23, 2010

Friday, April 23, 2010

There really is nothing more terrifying than a creepy baby doll. I'm serious. They freaked me out as a kid and still manage to scare the pants off me today, what with their static staring eyes and little outstretched zombie arms and all.

Thankfully, there's a new baking trend that makes these dolls waaaaaay less creepy. (I'm lying; these are terrifying. Proceed with caution.)

I recently came across your blog via facebook. I make cakes myself, so one I really enjoy your blog. My 5 year old happened to be sitting next to me when I opened this entry and she said to me..."Uh, Mommy...those cakes are, um, well...scaring me. Those are creeeeepy cake." I told her I couldn't agree more. That first one....Yikes!Nicole

Those are darn creepy. But as a frosting addict, I have to say about the first one, that buttercream work is gorgeous! If I could ignore the baby somehow (blinders of some very specific sort maybe?) I would totally shovel that cake in....

The third one: The scale makes it look as if it's a cake celebrating (? uh really?) the birth of a waaaaaaaay preterm fetus. For some...psychotic reason.

Is it me or do all these look like babies in coffins or sleepy snow white style babies. Yeesh. "yes mam, I'd like to order me one of those zombie baby cakes. Yes the one with the creepy staring eyes. No, it's not for a baby shower my wife wants to get pregnant and I'm trying to scare the hell out of her."

Glad I'm not the only one who finds them scary. You think these dolls are creepy. I had a baby doll with the coloured iris missing in one eye. Now, that one was SCARY!Even so, they're nothing like "reborns" Take alook at these!http://www.reborn-baby.com/

I've been lurking for quite a while, but this has finally motivated me to post. Those are just horrible. Now I have "Creepy Doll" by Jonathan Coulton stuck in my head. I think he must have been looking at a cake like that first one when he wrote that song.

That first one? It's a witch. The instant the page loaded, I was frozen in place by its gaze. For several minutes, I couldn't look away, not even to read the text above it. I think it sucked out half my life force with its eyes. AUGH!

I almosted expected to see any one of those dolls to suddenly pop up and give an even scarier look... just like in a horror movie. (I'm thinking of that one scene in Dragonfly where the kid was flatlined and his opened super wide suddenly) *shudders*

Other than the creepy doll, that first one is actually very well done. For a second I thought maybe it would be better if they just used a doll whose eyes were closed, but then it would look like a creepy doll in a coffin.... the doll thing just doesn't work.

It's a shame that so much generally excellent decorating was wasted on such terrifying cakes. Upon seeing the first cake, I thought "what a gorgeous cake, maybe this is the good example for all the wrecks to come," right before, "Holy crappin' crap, that baby is going to rip my face off with her fangs!" Favorite Bard quote: What fresh Hell is this?

Okay, so these are creepy, but somewhat less creepy than designs in which you are supposed to *eat* the baby. All I can think of is what you are going to do with a big sticky frosting-covered baby when everybody has eaten the cake. Yuck.

Hilarious post, hilarious comments. I laughed so hard milk came out of my nose. (The fact that I wasn't drinking milk at the time is disconcerting. Probably a result of making eye contact with zombie baby #1)

Tigerwolf - Watermelon Epcot FTW.

Like others I'm getting the strong funeral vibe from all these cakes.

Miranda - your comment made me laugh out loud, followed by, "Wait..." and now I'm deer-in-the-headlights for a response. Honestly, I got nothing.

@ Cathy:You're not KIDDING. You should add a disclaimer to that link, dear--people need to be vigorously warned about what they're getting into.They do look like real babies...but the ones with closed eyes look real DEAD, especially the pictures with a sepia tone that makes them look like something you'd find in your great grandmother's attic. (The picture, not the "babies.") One is a baby MONKEY, with a pacifier in its mouth. It makes me queasy to think that there probably are real people who would find "Baby Teeto" just too precious for words...Horrific.

*waiting for racing heartbeat to calm down and panicked breathing to return to normal*

OTHER THAN THAT!! Hey--nice DAY out, isn't it? I need to go pump my brain out --see ya!=^@.e^=

HA! Can we also add: "Dad, how can you hate the Colonel?" "Cause he puts an addictive chemical in it that makes you crave it fortnightly, smart a**!" "Aha. Cuckoo!" Brilliant! Love love love 'So I married an axe murderer'...will be quoting it all day now.

It's the SECOND one that gives ME the creeps. ugh. Not even mentioning the toilet paper pillow thing. The third one? Looks like a baby on it's deathbed. double ugh. And WTF the last one looks like a baby about to go into some sort of MRI machine or something... like some weird medical baby game it's playing.

Jeez, I think I read too much Stephen King because these just give me the heebie-jeebies. I'm just waiting for them to rise up out of their frosting bonds and start coming for me with their nasty dolly teeth.......

I would never want a cake like this, but I am extremely curious as to how they did the basketweave blanket on the second cake shown... if it's buttercream, how did they get it to be drapey. It has me stumped.

The only way to possibly make this any "better" (read:creepy) is if they use the creepy babies at Target that coo and giggle when you walk by. Even my daughter gets freaked out by the Creepy Baby Dolls as she calls them. Won't even go down that aisle any more because of them. Maybe I'll have to see if someone can decorate a cake with one. Wouldn't it be great to have the baby coo at your right before you cut into it? Yum!

WV: folis- Creepy Baby Cakes are what happens when you're pregnant and don't take your folis acid. Or maybe when you DO take your folis acid. It's a bad folis acid trip...

my friends think i'm weird because babydolls/dollbabies FREAK ME OUT. I mean, their staring little eyes and faces... Creepy! The only doll I allowed to be given to my nearly-3-year-old was a cabbage patch kid, and that's because it's not too creepy.who would eat the frosting around the babydoll... I'm a frosting junkie, but that's just, um, weird.

I am creeped out by dolls too, ever since going into an antique store when I was younger and they were selling a doll with no head. The first cake, brought me back to that store with the image fresh in on my mind.

The first one reminds me of the creepy serial killer baby ... Chucky, right ?Scared the s*** out of me when I was a kid, and still gives me goosebump whenever I look at baby dolls (I sympathize with you Jen !)Seriously, this cake could (COULD, as in a vague possibility) take my appetite of cakes ...*shudders and grabs blankie*wv: preotActually, in France, it's the protection for the children at school during recess so ...Love from France NaomiPS : I keep looking, but French bakeries are :- either aware of this website, and thus not making any wreck in order to protect the friendship between France and the US- or very afraid of frosting, and thus are not using it ...Your opinion on this, Jen ? Readers ?

@ MelindaYour WV made me laugh so hard !In phonetic, that would mean "little poop" in French, like when you talk to a kid .... "petit popo"I'm still laughing, by the way :)Thanks for the daily laugh and smile, I really need it!- naomi

About licking off frosting from awkward doll parts... For my high school graduation last year, I got a Naked Mohawk Baby Carrot Jockey cake (woot!) and of course the babies' lower halves are covered in frosting from their carrot mounts... Needless to say, there are now awkward photos of me with a plastic baby sticking out of my mouth. ;)

That pacifier one -- Shush, Don't mention the baby's size, it's a preemie. Or has Napoleonic intentions... And, my favorite, the watermelon. It's a before and after! See? Before I had this child I was THIS BIG?!! Get it?

How many "Variations On A Theme By CREEPY" can there BE??This post should be required reading for all those who'd like to both throw a shower AND keep their friends.Or at least to warn the soon-to-be ex-friends about the risk of serving NIGHTMARES, and TREMORS and HIVES, OH MY!=^-.-^=

I like not to scale baby best for the strange creature-like blanket icing which seems to be consuming the lower half of poor little dolly's body (like the scarabs in The Mummy, or the ants in the 4th Indiana Jones, or the Blob in The Blob).

The original 1960 "Village" is one of my favorite movies~~ I was 10 -year-old innocent when it came out, and there were no arrogant, "I know what's best for you" Ratings Systems to stand in the way of MY RIGHT to *sleep* with the lights on for many months after seeing it.If I slept at all...Scary movie!

I agree. That first one totally looks like the inside of a casket. This reminds me of a movie I saw when I was a teenager (that I shouldn't have seen)...The Puppetmaster...anyone? Lots of murdering dolls in that one.

Thanks for reminding me of another reason I played with boy toys when I was just a girl. Girl toys were creepy and boy toys were just awesome. Seriously. Robots that turn into stuff will always win out over Stepford-esque dolls with seriously bizarre proportions for me.

That first one is what I think Taylor Momsen's baby might look like, with the black eyeliner and vacant eyes. That ups the ick factor about a ga-jillion because isn't Taylor 17 going on 47? She's too young to have a baby. Maybe this was her last birthday cake.

The second one is actually quite lovely, especially if that baby is cake/fondant as it appears to be. However, I don't think I could bring myself to eat a baby, even one made of cake. Never been confronted with one, though. It IS cake...I might be more cannibalistic than I previously thought. ;-)

That second one. Oh dear. Yes, the basketweave blanket is beautifully drapey. ahem. But what in the world is it draping? This child appears to have little turtle flippers for legs and a rather large, uh, member.

@ ThesacredandtheprofaneThat idea is just KILLING me with laughter. I must have a cooing baby cake for my next birthday! Hahahahaha!My niece got a doll like that, where it was sometimes "asleep" and sometimes would coo and move, and every single time she wasn't around, all the adults were like, turn it off, turn it off! AH!!!! Never thought of serving it in a cake...wonderful. Of course you'd want an enormous knife to serve with. Or perhaps an axe, a la Rose, of course:)

It is not wrong to suck frosting off your baby's fingers and toes, especially not on her first birthday because she shouldn't have too much sugar anyway. The legs and arms are also okay if baby has not been outdoors yet that day.

My girls have the doll/toy set in the last pic... though it has never crossed our minds to use it for this purpose. However, I notice the toy 'potty' wasn't included in the decorations here, so maybe they do have a bit of forethought when decorating?!

@Ashley, whose baby shower is/was today: I hope you have/had FUN!And IF you are/were Oh-so-LUCKY as to have/have had a messterpiece such as one of these, I do SO HOPE that you will consider getting/did get pictures from all possible angles, so you could trot these pictures out for all of us (and the whole world) to see...!!!Meaning, of course, send them to Cake Wrecks!Just think: one day, you could proudly show your child that his or her shower cake was FAMOUS (in a BAD way, but I'd take it I if were you).

The blanket on the first one is very pretty. It looks like a real knit blanket and the pink and white flowery things are cute too. Oh, are we not doing the Pollyanna thing anymore? Well in that case, that doll's eyes are freaking me out, man!

Brenda said... "...Oh, are we not doing the Pollyanna thing anymore?"*********************Cuuuute...I guess I must have pumped my brain out a little TOO thoroughly, as I wasn't aware that we'd EVER done "the Pollyanna thing." I mean, wouldn't that involve having to (TRY to) find something GOOD about these wrecks??? Case closed!=^u.u^=

My baby shower is tomorrow and my mom said she went overboard and "spent a small fortune" on a cake, rather than the cake we originally discussed. I was excited, but after this post, I'm suspicious and scared.

I also immediately thought "That's Baby Jesus!" about the third cake--I think it's the pose of the arms and legs. But because of the oversized "bed" and the weird strip-y "blanket" and the pillow...well, my next thought was "crucified, dead, and buried." AAAGGGHHHHHH!!!

What is WITH that watermelon on that last one? Did the baker just have an empty space on the cake and thought "Oh, I'll just fill it with a TOTALLY unrelated object and leave it at that."?!?!Funny as always, thanx!Scarlett Robyn

What was the question again?Why aren't the French making wrecks?I don't know how one would tell what a French wreck would look like as opposed to another country's wreck. Maybe there ARE some around~~only they're masquerading as other countries' cakes.Then again, it could be that the French simply and perfectly have too much COUTH to "DO" wreckage (which, BTW, is pronounced, "reck-AWZZH" en Francais).But Sacre Bleu! AFRAID of frosting?

Number 1 is our awesome friend Jennifer D and she writes with us on occasion. If you look through the archives, you'll see posts done by Number 1, Wrecksistant, Jen and me, john (the hubby of Jen). Really though, every post not written specifically by Jen is a collaboration between the writer and Jen. To give you an idea, I wrote the Mickey post a few days back but Jen came up with some of the funnier lines. If I can brag a bit on my wife though, I will say that it is a bit of an ego boost when everybody assumes a post is Jen's even though you wrote most of it because we all aspire to be as good.

Oh, Taylor, I'm totally with you on the little kids singing slow songs in a minor key, like "Ring Around the Rosey." Seriously freaky, like slowly moving playground equipment with no children (that you can see...wooohooo)on them. Can you imagine seeing the first cake in a dimly lit room, just reflected in a mirror or a dark window?

Okay, then!Anyone ready to help me out YET?The song? MY song?"Settle for Edible"?Anyone? No one?Well, then...I'll start without you!

*clears throat*

I came here so hungry, and craving a sweet...I wanted no veggies. I wanted no meat.So what was it truly- and where should I start?A cookie or brownie, or maybe a tart?I passed by a window, and what did I see?A chocolatey pastry just leering at me!With eyes and a nose and big gooey grin,A "what the-?" confection as ugly as sin!

(CHORUS):

Might ...have.... tooooo...

SETTLE for EDIBLE!SETTLE FOR EDIBLE!'Cause it looks like hell But it could taste swell And ya can't have it all, SO THERE!

I asked for a slice and they flashed me a smirk-"A victim!" they said, as they went straight to work...They hacked off a hunk and then plated it neat,Winked at each other with a "Bon appetit!"I closed my eyes tightly, and then said a prayer...How bad can it be? Lord, it's only one layer!It wasn't the best, BUT it wasn't the worst,And now I can see that I'm doomed to be cursed...

tooooooo..........

SETTLE for EDIBLE!SETTLE FOR EDIBLE!'Cause it looks like hell But it could taste swell And ya can't have it all, SO THERE!

The basketweave on that blanket is awesome. It even has folds and drapes, I'm impressed. I think that the paper under the head is the kind you use to get a single donut out of the case? Because they've already cut quite a bit out of that end of the cake (not just one corner piece), maybe they're just keeping the baby's head off the crumbs, I dunno.

The last one looks like it's about to break out into a Mexican hat dance.

You scared me! I scampered back over there to last Thursday, then stopped dead in my tracks, thinking, "Hold ON a minute! I'm supposed to stagger through 2,230 responses to find the reference??"THEN I realized that it was right at the beginning. (D'OH!)I had even READ it already.It's just that I had filed it away in the amazing black hole that is my brain lately.So~~"OH! NOW I (re-)get it!" Thanks!!!!

buahahahhaha! "I will just collect my watermelon and go" made me laugh so hard I may have had an accident! LOL! That is totally my favorite caption so far! I am a huge fan! Cake Wrecks is the perfect way to unwind after a long day of teaching 6th graders! Thanks for the laughs!

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