Wednesday, October 21, 2015

As a mother of young men, I often worry about the lessons I am teaching them without meaning too. We have long conversations about behaviour, expectations, grades, & how to conduct themselves like gentlemen as we enter the teen years. We have talked about sex, drugs, alcohol, teen pregnancy, STD's, how the internet is forever, peer pressure, & bullying. I find it harder to discuss abuse, how not to be abusive, & how not to be abused. I wonder if I am doing enough, & how to delicately skirt the issues we have had in our own home of flared tempers, fear, & destructive words. None of it is easy, & all of it is important.

My mantra has become "feelings are not fact" & it seems to me the only way to teach them is to hold on to my own inner power. Or as is the case with myself find a way to reconnect to that inner part of me. When you give your power away, allowing another person control over your feelings, you lose yourself. Sometimes, I think I can see me underneath years of emotional manipulation, anger, & blame. Not that I am blameless in the cycle, when a marriage fractures in so many ways everyone gets a piece of the pie. The struggle is how to remove that serving from your children's lives, so that the meal can end with you & not be handed down to future generations.

My journey, the healing that needs to happen between myself & our sons doesn't have anything to do with my husband's choices. That is a really hard lesson to grasp. It means acknowledging that nothing is in your control beyond how you choose to react. With that reaction, you can give your power or you can keep it. I am jam-packed with feelings, I have acknowledged them but they are not in charge. I am & today I choose peace.

"Life is like riding a bicycle, in order to keep your balance you must keep moving."