How to Survive in the Modern Day Workplace

Solutions Architect Keeps Butting Heads With Chaos Engineer

Lafayette, LA – When Jasmine Walsh joined app developer Sacrificio as a solutions architect, she knew that the role would require debates, conflict and heated arguments with her coworkers in order to align different individual goals to one holistic business objective. However, she had no idea that she would find herself constantly dealing with noted office contrarian, chaos engineer Damian Clarke.

Walsh, who was brought in to find answers to cross-departmental problems, finds herself constantly at odds with Clarke, whose official duties include “conjuring the dark arts to find a reason to say no”, “sacrificing all that is good and holy in the name of disruption and anarchy” and “being the office turd in the punch bowl”. Clarke has fought Walsh on literally every project, every proposed solution, and even over basic math, in one instance calling simple multiplication “more theory than science”.

“It has definitely been a challenge,” laughed Walsh. “It’s funny how we just somehow find ourselves on the opposite ends, but I respect him. He’s really good at his job, and having someone like that in the office just forces me to elevate my own performance.”

The respect is mutual, as Clarke admitted to multiple sources. While typically satisfied with tormenting his coworkers during office hours, Walsh’s upbeat demeanor and constant problem-solving have also driven Clarke to raise his own effort after hours. Just in the past weekend, Clarke:

Called Walsh pretending to be the CEO to tell her that she’s fired for smelling like dead fish

Tried to run Walsh over in the local strip mall parking lot with his car

Started a fire in the dumpster behind Walsh’s apartment complex

Clarke couldn’t help but smile and shrug when he saw Walsh come into the office the following Monday.

“Yeah, I really like her,” said a sheepish Clarke. “It’s amazing how we’re able to constantly butt heads at work, but still respect each other individually. Having someone like that in the office doesn’t even make it feel like I’m coming to work because I’m just loving the challenge of what I do so, so much.

“Anyway, I’ve got to go call child services about a story I made up about Jasmine forcing her four-year-old daughter to wear makeup and enter beauty pageants. That should really put a damper on her idea to add a ‘Careers’ section to our website.”