“Beware: Hordes of Devils Plague Craigslist Listings in South Dakota!”

9/14/15 Sioux Falls, SD. By Devin Saxon. What to call them — a curse from hell? An abomination to humanity? A plethora of damnation? Nothing seems fitting enough attempting to label these sick devious bastards currently swarming Sioux Falls rental ads on Craigslist. What do they desire other than preying on good souls, sucking blood, and stealing the hard earned money sweated out by struggling families with less than desirable credit? Only the devil knows, but one thing is certain: they all deserve a slow excruciating torture into oblivion. It’s time to meet the first poor excuse for human life on my list, a nit-wit from New York attempting to rent out a house for sale located at 222 S. Lyndale Ave. in Sioux Falls. She claims that her name is Holly L. Cisneros and that she is “hard of hearing” and unable to make conversation over the phone. Holly, or so she says, goes on to explain that the reason her house is still listed on the market as “for sale” is that her agent was “inflating the price” and that she is “not after money.”

“I am hearing impaired.. and I am very new to this landlord business. We are not after money.” – Scammer posing as Home Owner

The next Red Flag from this dope was that no address was listed on the Craigslist Ad, only the title, “$550/2Bdr – 890sqft Comfortable and Fenced Backyard Single Family Home for Rent (Sioux Falls).” Only after my initial e-mail to this pathetic individual, was the address ever revealed — a tale tell sign that a scammer does not want the real homeowner to see the bogus rental ad. This failure at life then proceeded to cook up the greatest rental deal I’ve ever seen:

“All utilities included which include cable, gas, electric, water, and lawn removal… There is a washer and dryer in the 2 bedroom house (FOR $550) pets are also welcome. You can go by the house and see the neighborhood anytime you want… you might even look inside through the window, I could have come over to show you myself , but I am out of town, that is why I gave you the address. ” – World’s Dumbest Scam-Artist

The ultimate Red Flag finally came in not longer after replying to what may be the least thought of rental questionnaire form of all time, where this vermin hell spawn detailed the manner in which she was expecting me to go about paying the security deposit and 1st months rent while she was “out of town.”

“I already told you I am not around for now. I am on a business trip… I am sorry I couldn’t show you the inside myself. I will surely love you to secure the house by paying the security deposit and once the payment is received, I will have the keys sent to you. You will send the payment via MoneyGram or Walmart to Walmart money transfer to my secretary, and after the payment as been confirmed, I will have the keys and other documents sent to you via FEDEX in 24hrs.” – Epitome of Failure

Holly goes on to give me her secretary’s info for the money order she would “love” for me to send her:

“Below is my secretary info you will need in sending the money.

Name is Maxine Youngs

Address is 2651 N Harwood St,

City is Elmira

State is New York

Zip code is 14903

NOTE: After signing the papers, scan it and send it back to me, also make sure you scan the receipt of the payment. I mean the receipt from money transfer, I want to use it for record keeping.” -Thinks South Dakotans Were All Born Yesterday

It didn’t take long for this genius to get called out…And just when you think a scammer couldn’t get any more idiotic and obtuse, along comes this nimrod — who doesn’t even have the common courtesy of teasing me a little at least first before getting straight to the point:

“The house is still available but presently I’m not around… I have to move quickly down to Africa to have my company set up… the price we are offering is far below standard price, this is enough for you to know we are not after a rental fee. P.S: YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO VIEW THE INTERIOR PART OF THE HOUSE BECAUSE I HAVE THE KEYS HERE WITH ME.” -Runner Up to the Dumbest Scammer Alive attempting to rent out the property at 806 N. Wayland Ave. in Sioux Falls

I proceeded to ask this fool, a degenerate going by the name Pat Austin, how I was to go about getting the keys while he was situated across the ocean in Africa — to which he replied that he would send them to me “after I fill out the application.”

“You’d almost have to be crazy not to trust that response from Craigslist — emailed from Africa,” said no sane person ever! Apparently Mr. Austin forgot the first 8 semesters of scammer school, but at least people like Pat and Holly (a.k.a. Maxine Youngs) are keeping alive a reason why burning witch’s at the stake should be re-examined as acceptable behavior. I decree that since planet Earth seems to be taking prerogative in thinking that South Dakota is reek with medieval intellect, perhaps no one would notice should we reinstitute public burnings for Craigslist Witches currently scamming humanity with impunity?