12 Things Everyone Gets Wrong About Millennials

Doing everything ironically is like actively embracing bad taste — and many of us are just plain averse to that.

1. We're all entitled. People think Millennials all saunter into their first jobs and expect to be president of the company by week two. But these entitled types have been around for as long as people have been going to work. In reality, lots of Youngs go to their first job every day terrified that they'll disappoint somebody and work their asses off to ensure they don't.

2. We don't work hard. Here's what happens when you're a member of the "cell phone generation" or whatever the Olds call us these days: You work all the time because your email is always at your fingertips and you're always available. A lot of employers expect employees to be available via email just about all the time because they know we all look at our damn screens all the time anyway. Also, many Millennials have jobs in the tech industry, and if you're in the tech industry, you have to be connected to your email and what's happening all the time so you can keep up with it. Staying connected to the incredibly fast cycle of information now is really hard work.

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3. We're narcissistic. A lot of Millennials actually hate self-promotion, and would rather do nothing less than use their social media feeds to brag about what they're doing, even if it's a Real Accomplishment like getting an amazing promotion at work and not just "I ran four miles this morning and used my running app, look at me, TEE HEE!" We're self-conscious about looking narcissistic because we don't want to be lumped in with everyone else in our generation who comes off as embarrassingly obsessed with promoting every mundane aspect of their lives.

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4. We hate talking on the phone. A lot of us know that picking up the phone is the fastest way to get shit done. Also, if we didn't pick up the phone, all of our interactions with our parents would be like this.

5. We waste all of our free time looking at social media. I think anyone who spends all their free time looking at Facebook would shoot themselves in the head. Everyone knows that social networks are merely lenses that magnify the most annoying aspects of everyone we know. In order to see our friends in the best light, phone calls and face-to-face interaction is key.

6. We don't commit to our jobs. Jobs are really hard to get. How can we all bounce around every six months when no one can get jobs in the first place? Also, what hiring manager wants to hire someone who gets a new job every six months? Most of them do not, no matter how desperate they are to fill an open position. It's just not even close to entirely our choice to up and leave jobs the second we get slightly tired of them.

7. We all have ADD. Because we go from Gchat to texting to Facebook messaging to Twitter to email all day long and can't carry on a conversation for longer than 20 seconds, blah blah. This is so false! Many of us spend all day carrying on multiple long conversations because we have the lovely ability to chime in and out of our friends' lives as schedules permit. Hence we're more emotionally connected and closer to our loved ones than was possible when you had to communicate by painting on caves or mailing letters. (Or even leaving voicemails.) (Ew, voicemails.)

8. We don't care about things that predate the '90s. Art museums are relaxing. So is reading a good Jane Austen book made out of paper instead of Kindle. Millennials understand that plugging into Ye Olde Things is one of the best ways to unplug from Ye New Thangs.

9. We're impatient. Well, yes, when it counts. Like when 200 idiots have to get off a plane before you. Or when you're checking out at the drugstore and there's a sales clerk 10 feet away organizing chips and looking you dead in the eyes instead of ringing you up. But when you're trying to get a promotion at work and you've only been there a year? We can keep your heads down and work another year or two for it.

10. Whiskey is our go-to drink because it's so ~*iRoNiC~*. Wrong — whiskey is gross, and rosé and craft beer are delicious. We have a lot of ways to control our image nowadays, and disgusting drink choice, for many of us, isn't one of them.

11. We're too ironic for our own good. Plenty of us want nothing to do with FUPA-enhancing mom jeans from American Apparel, fanny packs, or T-shirts with wolf scenes on them. Most of us would also rather see good movies over "hilariously" bad ones. Most of us also do not choose to order PBR at a bar just because it's two dollars cheaper than a Blue Moon and comes with a shot of something even grosser than PBR. Being obsessed with irony translates to actively embracing bad taste, and many of us are just plain averse to that kind of lifestyle.

12. We're unreasonably obsessed with Beyoncé. Well. Fine. This one is Real.