January 8, 2012

Other Rules for FIGHT CLUB

Rule 9 - Bleeding is a choice.

Rule 15 - Upon agreement of the combatants and at least one audience member, a movie may be watched instead. (See addendum for approved selection of titles.)

Rule 17 - When entering the fighting area - be it a darkened, abandoned warehouse; darkened, abandoned loading dock attached to a darkened, abandoned warehouse; darkened, abandoned basement of darkened, abandoned warehouse; the darkened, glass-strewn, abandoned premises of a darkened, abandoned warehouse or warehouses; the darkened, abandoned, humorously dystopian machinery line in a darkened, abandoned warehouse; or a brightly lit meadow wonderland with peace-dust twinkle fairies flitting home from their 18-hour shift breaking glass outside a darkened, abandoned warehouse - one must display a readiness to fight by loudly proclaiming something along the lines of "I am ready to fight," or "Hey! Let's fight now." (Doffing your cap to your opponent is now, as it has always been, optional.)

Rule 18 - Snacks are not necessary per se, but most people like a little something. Nothing fancy.

Rule 22 - All liability waivers must be filed, in triplicate, with the legal department no less than two (2) weeks before a fight.

Rule 29 - The victor of each fight will be determined by a standard consensus process of all in attendance. This should be done in the nearest available conference room.

Rule 38 - The first three (3) feet of gauze wrap is free during the fight season. Each additional foot will be charged to the fighter's Fight Club debit card at the rate of one (1) dollar and fifty (50) cents per foot. (Frequent fighters should consider the bulk gauze option: two (2) feet of gauze free with every ten (10) feet used. See the Supplies Office for a punch card.)

Rule 40 - Fighters may not skip for more than thirty (30) seconds total during an individual fight.

Rule 43 - Taunting of one's opponent, while distasteful, is allowed within the following guidelines:
- Each taunt must be followed by a compensatory positive affirmation of roughly equal length and sincerity;
- No profanity;
- No reference to an opponent's maternal lineage;
- No reference may to an opponent's past or current chemical addictions;
- Specificity of taunt should not outweigh creativity.

Rule 44 - Grievances alleging violations of the taunting guidelines may be lodged with the Taunt Aberration Investigation Committee (TAIC) on the third floor. Please list the nature of alleged violations along with all examples used during the fight. Video of the fight or dramatic re-enactments are allowed in lieu of written lists.

Rule 48 - Christmas Eve fights must end before six (6) p.m.

Rule 61 - Deaths should be reported to the medical investigation unit at extension 7813 within fifteen (15) minutes.

Rule 77 - Spectators displaying loud or boorish behavior will be asked to leave. No exceptions.

Rule 83 - Fighters must park in the red lot. Parking vouchers good for ninety (90) minutes are available at the reception desk in the lobby.

Rule 88 - Towels are never supplied by Fight Club.

Rule 91 - Showers are limited to five (5) minutes at a water temperature of one hundred and five (105) degrees. Shower sandals must be worn.

Rule 102 - Violations of six (6) or more of these rules during an individual fight season will be referred to the Rules Committee for consideration of a public hearing for the defendant.

Rule 103 - Defendants must wear a shirt and shoes during all Rules Committee proceedings.

Rule 119 - Apart from appropriate legal counsel, mental health therapists, social workers, medical professionals or clergy, you may not talk about the rules of Fight Club, International, its subsidiary organizations, or related charitable groups.

Rule 120 - Apart from appropriate legal counsel, mental health therapists, social workers, medical professionals or clergy, you may not talk about the rules of Fight Club, International, its subsidiary organizations, or related charitable groups.