In the last post we looked at several considerations that parents have to make when getting their kids enrolled in sports. There is a lot more to this parenting thing then just signing them up. Often some of the things that parents go through are not too difficult if someone would only have given them a “heads up”. Well…. Heads up.

Here is the second part of the series. Last time we presented 2 categories, one on perspective and one on sacrifice. Here are the final two.

In the category of “Sometimes Sports Aren’t Pretty”

Be careful that your child doesn’t ONLY identify themselves as an athlete. Yes, they may be a gymnast, or a swimmer, or dancer, but they are also more than that. As a parent you are charged with the task of giving them opportunities to also be that something else. Be a sister, be a scientist, be a mountain climber, be a whatever. Be sure that they see themselves as more than the sport. As I mentioned, the day will come when the leave the sport; what will they feel they can be then?

Sometimes you win, and sometimes you learn. There will be times when your son

(L to R) Bri, Kendra, Yuki, Lexi and (Front) Kaisey 2007

or daughter will win honors, but there will be more times when they don’t. I have had athletes train all year for a chance to qualify to a championship meet only to have one bad routine and miss their chance. It’s soul crushing. There will be more consolations then congratulations; but, I look at it as a learning process. If we learn about what to do, or what not to do, then we didn’t really lose did we?. As a coach it’s often difficult to console an athlete after a disappointing performance, but we understand that it’s 10x harder for the mom and dad. You have everything from taking them home, seeing them the next morning, and bringing them back to the gym and all the minutes in-between. We understand, and we will help support you and the athlete, but make no bones about it, we don’t envy your position.

Sports help kids develop in so many ways. They learn more life lessons through 5 years in sports than the average kid may learn in 20 years of living. But though they are advanced for their age, they are still young. Kids are still kids and they have problems processing emotions or grasping complex concepts. On occasion I have had to remind coaches that they might see highly trained gymnasts, but all that talent and skill is housed inside a young child. As a parent, you know that they might be advanced, but they are still your child. They will need opportunity to express themselves like children do. It may take time, or when puberty hits, it may take patience on your part, but give them the space to be kids. That is what they need for healthy development.

The last category is called “Parent’s Wake Up Call”

Your job description may include counselor, driver, and cook; but it also includes manager. Kids in sport are usually pressed for time. Because of the demands of their training they learn how to manage their time to fit school work and sleep into their schedule. There will be times when you will have to oversee their schedule. Watch that they do get enough sleep, enough kid time, and enough time to just hang out with the Fam. On meet weekends you will need to budget travel time to be able to travel, eat, and still be there for warm ups. You may need to have them study in the car, or eat dinner on the way to the gym until they start to develop their skills of time management.

Your job description will also include the title of Angel Investor. Being a sport parent requires not only the investment of your time, but it requires a financial commitment as well. It may require being creative to find ways to cover expenses, for example, we have scholarship opportunities for work-study programs at Gymfinity. I have had parents sign up for cleaning duties after practice not because they need the financial break, though some do, but because they want to show their athlete that there is a value to their training. I have a lot of respect for that decision. It’s humbling. It may also be hard to have to make tough decisions on when to spend money and when to not spend. It may feel like you are being too tough, but every family has different circumstances. Again, for us, family is a priority. We don’t want to put parents in a position to have to short change one child to pay for another.

In any case, we know that parenting an athlete can be different than you may have thought it would be. Yes, there are some great times, some memories are never forgotten. There may be times when it is stressful to see the sacrifices of time, money, or social events. Worse yet, sometime all the sacrifice doesn’t pay off, maybe she falls off the beam, or falls on her vault. It could happen, but remember that sometimes you win, and sometimes you learn.

Many is the morning when a parent wakes up and has to drive their athlete/child to a meet out of town. They think to themselves “Why did I let her do gymnastics?” Then they get up, get dressed and chauffeur the gymnast to the meet. Ah…. parenting is hard work.

So why do they do it? Some get their kids into sports to learn skills, to exceed how good they, the parent, was at a sport, or to just have a constructive fitness activity. Some are looking for social development or the affective development of winning humbly and losing graciously. Whatever the reason, sports gives us way more for our kids than we anticipate. Read any of my other posts to see how much I believe in the benefit of sport.

For Gymnastics moms, coffee is a must.

But there is another side of the coin. There are considerations that we may not have thought of when our kids got involved in gymnastics, or other sports. Here are a few considerations that we must have as sports parents. As a parent and a coach for over 30 years, I have included a few bits of advice for free. You’re welcome.

In the category of “Keep Your Perspective Mom”:

To you they are the best in the world, but that might not be the case. We must be satisfied with knowing that the sport may not offer our children international fame or a college scholarship. It’s ok to know that the sport or activity just makes them happy. If they are having fun and learning (physically, mentally, and emotionally) then we have a champion in the family regardless of results.

It may be the same sport you or Dad did when you were young, but this is a totally different person, with a completely different set of circumstances: they have different parents, different timing, different peers, different coaches, and are in a different era than you. Give them the space to be themselves, let them participate at their own level of comfort. You will see that they will exceed their own expectations. If they don’t exceed yours, then that’s your problem. Deal with it, but don’t throw it on them.

You will have to plan for their retirement. Every athlete has a day when they don’t play anymore. If you think ahead and plan for things to do when they retire, then you won’t be stressed out when it happens. Sometimes kids quit by choice, maybe they feel it’s too hard or they’re over their head. Maybe it’s not fun anymore. Maybe, they are retiring because of an injury. Whatever the case we must support them if they make the choice. I always tell my team kids that I will support their decision if it’s well thought out and if it’s not just because they are frustrated. Frustrations can be overcome, so it’s not a good reason. I tell them, and it’s true, that, as a coach, I will be sad and disappointed but not angry. Many young athletes fear making the coach mad. Be sure, as a parent, that they don’t have that same fear with you.

New category: The sacrifices.

Being an athlete is demanding and the team is a hungry monster that is never satisfied. The sport will require a specific schedule. It will demand some early mornings and some late nights. It may ask that your child leave school early to travel to a meet, or it may ask that you leave work early to drive them. In any case be prepared to make some sacrifices for the team and the sport. It will be worth it every time you see her smile up at you from the competition floor.

When your child gets to a level of performance where outside factors can affect performance you will find that you will have to develop new habits to support the athlete. Less fast food, more salad (this was tough for me). You will no longer be able to be a “walk-it-off” parent. Because now a twisted ankle may keep them from the game, so you tend to have it looked at instead of letting them shake it off. My favorite story in this category is about one parent that slept on the uncomfortable hotel room sleeper couch so her daughter could get a good night sleep on the bed. See what I mean? Sacrifice.

It may be hard to keep your perspective on the 2 things that always matter more than sports: family and school. At our gym we do not require kids to home school or tutor (many gyms do) because our mission is to develop a well-rounded child, that means social development in school. But often school must work around the sport. As I mentioned sometimes they may have to leave school early, or have homework delivered in a bunch because they will miss a few days of school while travelling to a meet or game. Family for us, is always a priority. I have kids miss training for birthdays, grandparent’s visits, or other family events. I am not as understanding about missing a meet for those reasons, but I can be flexible. Remember what I said above, sports are selfish, they will ask for your sacrifices, but you don’t always have to give in. Prioritize.

Next time we will explore that last two categories: “Sometimes Sports Aren’t Pretty” and “Parents Wake Up Call”.

I have a very different definition of success. I have always believed in the oft quoted “Shoot first, what you hit, call the target” philosophy. As a coach, I have guided many athletes to great success by my definition and as defined by other people as well. I have always believed that if we focus on success, rather than growth, we often lose the biggest benefits from trying to do anything at all. Here are 5 things that we tend to lose when all we focus on is success as defined in a traditional way.

Ancient Wisdom

You limit Discovery

When we follow the laser focus of working to achieve a specific goal we will often lose sight of the many opportunities along the way. I drove to Illinois yesterday and ended up stopping at a great roadside market. If I would have only been focused on my destination, I would have missed some of the best sweet corn I have ever had. Not to equate striving for our goals with shopping for produce, but it illustrates the odd and interesting things we can find on our path to success.

You limit your ability to Grow

If we are only focused on one outcome we lose the opportunity to learn as we go. We need to embrace our shortcomings, our failures, and mistakes. By doing so we learn to adapt and we learn to overcome future mistakes by developing resiliency. Striving for our goals is a long-term commitment; persistence, resiliency, quick thinking, and wisdom are natural byproducts of the process if we commit to the long term effort and stay open to the process.

You fall into Black & White Thinking

When we are solely focused on a successful outcome we are quick to label those errors, misjudgments and mistakes as failures. If we do not achieve our stated goal then everything else seems to be a failure. There is nothing more untrue. We cannot, in any effort, be so short-sited that we only see black and white. The world is made up of shades of gray and there is not only much to be learned in the gray areas, but there is a lot of happiness in them as well.

You will have a hard time finding Happiness

“Shoot for the moon, that way, even if you miss, you are among the stars.” We’ve heard this thousands of times and seen it on bumper stickers and tee-shirts. I apologize for bringing out this old chestnut, but there is a lot of value in it. The notion that our moonshot is only valuable if we reach the moon devalues our position in the stars. I have had athletes set goals to win national accolades and, some do and some don’t. Those that don’t have to often be reminded that they attained much more in the effort than they would have if their goals were limited only to regional or statewide success. It’s the process, as I mentioned above, that gives value to the result. If any of these athletes would have considered themselves as failures, then all the effort, all the work, would have been in vain.

You miss the opportunity to be Grateful

My mom used to say Don’t be sad about the rainy days, without them you wouldn’t appreciate the sunny ones. There is so much wisdom in that statement. We need to embrace our struggles and the hard work we put in to be truly grateful for our results; whatever they may be. Also, persisting through hard times gives us opportunity to identify the people who stand by us. The ones who lend a shoulder in effort or a shoulder to cry on. It’s the process, the effort, that helps us see our true team mates and friends. All of this is so worthy of acknowledgment. I believe that, though It’s hard sometimes, we need to really look for the things in life where we can express gratitude.

In our society, especially in sports, we are led to believe that we must “win”, that “there is no room for second place”, that we must “win at all costs” and so on. This thinking is outdated and detrimental.

I don’t think we need to celebrate losing, or glorify failure either, but I do think we need to be open to the possibilities and options we develop during our efforts. I never believed that every child should get a trophy and I do believe that there is something valuable in explaining to a child that 7th place is reflective of a single performance, of their effort, of their current situation, and of the effort of others. What could a child learn from that explanation of the results? Sometimes an athlete not winning can bring more in the long run than if they would have taken home the trophy. Agree?

You’ll never believe where I am. I am writing to you from my office at my own gym. I opened it in 1999, I think you were coaching in California then. It has grown each year and in 2014 we even expanded the building. I get to coach the most wonderful kids I have ever seen. We do great gymnastics but, even better, we help them grow up into great people. I owe a lot of that to you.

When you were my coach, you helped me to see that Tumbling and Floor Exercise was truly the best event, must be, as gymnasts we both specialized in it. I learned that all skills are basically born of the floor, tumbling skills are foundational for beam, vault and even bars. I learned so much about the sport from you. I have been fortunate enough to have had many great mentors as a technical coach, My brother Harold, Leonard Isaacs, Eugene Shanderay, Doug Davis, Mel Leinwander, Gary Aspinlitner, and even from young guys like Matt Lea. But You Mick, you were the guy who taught me the most.

I remember you telling me that a gymnast is a leader; in school, on their own team, and in life. Gymnasts, you said, set the bar for other athletes. You always made me feel like I was special, like a 6 foot tall kid who somehow was outstanding among a world of shorter, stronger, more organically talented athletes. I felt like I had a gift. I felt like I had opportunities that other kids would never see. After my near fatal accident, you told me that I got to have a choice that others didn’t. I could retire satisfied knowing I did all I could with the frame and time I had, or I could fight my way back and be someone. I could be the guy that others talked about; the guy who didn’t let a broken neck slow him down. I could be the guy who trained twice as hard as everyone else to be able to, in the end, surpass everyone’s expectations. You made me want to be that guy. I think today, as a coach, business man, and father, I still try to be that guy. That guy who works hard, never gives up, and eventually wins.

So why am I sending this note now? Well Mick, I was standing there today, coaching, and it dawned on me that I won. I have a great life. I’m married and have 2 sons, I own a gym, and as you know I dreamed of having my own gym since I was a kid. I work with the best people on the planet, my staff earns my respect every day. My team kids work harder and smarter than any gymnast’s I have ever known, and my team families, Mickey, you won’t believe it, they have the same vision I have. They know their kids are extraordinary and they value what we can do to help their kids exceed everyone’s expectations. I owe so much of my success to you Mick. You set me on this path and helped me develop the tools I needed to make it all real. You even told me once, when I had doubts about being a teacher, that I should be the teacher who teaches from the heart, not to worry about the books and the quizzes. Do you remember that?

Mickey, it’s been over 15 years since you died. It breaks my heart that I never got the chance to show you what you helped me become. I never got the chance to say thank you. I think about you all the time, and though you probably just remember me as a gawky gymnastics wanna be, just one of among the hundreds you coached, I will never forget you. I don’t think that in this life we understand that even momentary encounters can often change a person’s whole life. I know that coaching a young person who loves the sport in both head and heart can be the deciding factor on many of that kid’s life outcomes. I don’t underestimate the gifts that gymnastics gives. I saw it in my case with you and I see it in the young women I coach. When you offered wisdom and compassion it shaped my entire life. I guess I just wanted you to know that.

Do you have a person (or people) who hold such respect from you that their words carry more weight? Like if they told you that you were “doin’ OK” that you would then feel like you were? I have several people like that. Some are from business, some are teachers, some are coaches, some are just friends.

The other day, during team practice, one of my respected friends stopped in for a visit. He was passing through town and made a point to come by. His name is Lon Arfston. He was one of the, as I call them, founding fathers of Wisconsin gymnastics. His club, LA Academy, produced the youngest National Champion ever, back in the 80’s. Lon has coached all over the state, master coached at camps, clinics, and workshops. His experience led him to equipment sales and gym design after a brief retirement from coaching. Then he returned to the gym (none of us ever really leave the gym completely). He trained kids from pre-team to higher levels for many more years before officially retiring a few years ago.

Years ago, when Gymfinity was first being planned, I ran several ideas past Lon. He was always very free with advice and I liked that he placed trust in me, telling me that I was going to have a great gym one day. He helped me design the floor plans for Gymfinity and made sure that our traffic flow plan in the gym would benefit the most kids with the least congestion. I also ordered the majority of our equipment from Lon’s company To The Core. That was way back in 1998-1999

Through the years Gymfinity grew and developed into the program we have now, a training center for high level athletes that focuses on helping kids in the gym and in becoming productive, respectful and forward focused young adults. I was offered the safety educator position for of USA Gymnastics, and ran it by Lon to get his thoughts on either taking or leaving the opportunity. I took it. Later I was elected to the state board for USA-G and again, got input from Lon and others as I represented not only coaches from the big Wisconsin gyms but coaches from small gyms too. I represented businesses in the industry and businesses in the community of gymnastics. I often sought advice from Lon and others, and found such value in his wisdom.

Lon with Taylor, Kacey, Addie, and the Trolls (Level 10 State 2017)

Last year at State Championship Lon was walking by and photobombed a team picture. The girls thought it was funny but had no idea who he was.

So, there I am coaching beam last Friday and in comes Lon. He had brought me some tools he used as a coach (motivational insights printed on cards), and books about technique and training structure. He thought that it might be something I could use. I gladly accepted them because it’s exactly the type of things I love to get, I study so many books that I could teach a course on coaching (I do by the way). I was so honored that he thought of me, with so many other coaches that I’m sure he could have gifted this knowledge to. As we sat and talked a bit the other team coaches took over my group to allow me some conversation time with our guest. But Lon couldn’t help being a coach, he periodically interrupted our conversation with a correction to a near-by gymnast. I do the same when I’m in a gym, I even coach while watching gymnastics on TV, honestly it’s an obsession, but I digress. When it came time for him to leave, Lon shook my hand and told me that he always knew I would do a good job with a gym. He told me how proud he was of me and how Gymfinity was one of the best gyms he has ever seen. I joked with him and reminded him that he helped design it, but honestly his approval and respect filled me up.

After he was gone I explained to my team, who he was and reminded them of the photobomb at State. I explained how his opinion mattered to me, and I thanked them for being who they are and doing what they do. It’s because of them that I get to hear compliments like his.

There are days when, as a coach, business person, or even as a parent, that we wonder if we are doing it right. We wonder if we are screwing up our golden opportunity to make a good thing or to make a difference. There is always doubt. But having a man like Lon tell me that I was doin’ OK, made me feel like I was doing, well, OK. It was the shot in the arm I needed to get through a rough week and anxiously be able to tackle the week ahead.

So if you have a friend like that, be appreciative of the power they have. Be sure that you check in once and awhile to get their feedback and just touch base. It will validate you, or give you a chance to course-correct. And if you are a friend like that, know the power you wield. Dole it out generously, because what the world needs now more than ever, is people feeling OK.

Every year we get hit by “Graduation Season”. Kids leaving middle or high school and going on to college or, kids leaving college and stepping out into the big ol’ world. I have been to a few graduation ceremonies and I always think how encouraging it is to have such amazing speakers talking to these transitioning kids at the point where they are ready for their next chapter of life. One day”, I joke with my friends, some important school will call me to do the speech and they will give me a Honorary Degree, I’ll get to keep that weird floppy hat. But to-date no school has called so I have resigned to printing my speech here. Enjoy.

Congratulations on reaching a lifetime milestone. Your work from this point will not be harder or easier, just different, and likely more fun. In any case, always know that there are friends around you that will share the burdens and friends who will be there to help celebrate the victories. There is always someone who can guide you, advise you, and support you. Everyday and every way. Usually you call them Mom or Dad, but today I would like to be your adviser and offer you this advice.

As you move into this next phase of life there 10 quick but important bits of advice that will make your efforts easier if you understand them, or more difficult if you ignore them.

First ground rule: your life is made up of your own perceptions. How you choose to perceive the world is how the world is. If it seems like a constant battle, you have waged that war. If it seems like bliss, it is you that has calmed those raging seas. Your experience through life will be only as difficult as you want to make it. Choose to see things as controllable.

Next; life might seem to be broken and falling apart, but as a friend of mine says “Maybe life is falling together.” As I mentioned perception before, it is on you to see the world as under your control and direct the construction or destruction of all around you. You are stepping into a very powerful position because the future is dependent on what you make it. Trust that life will turn out as it is supposed to, it’s a process.

Live your days enjoying the beauty and complexity of our world. Don’t waste your energy and time complaining about what could have, should have, or might have been. You have beautiful opportunities all around you, act on them, and live your adventure. Remember that only you can assign meaning to things. If they are important to you, care for them, nurture them and make them important to the world.

Next rule: you can handle more than you think that you are capable. People are asked how they made it through after suffering a mishap or set-back. And many reply that they just kept on living. Personal, financial, emotional, professional setbacks will happen and you will weather them and survive because you have strength that even you mom didn’t know you had.

That being said; know that it is impossible to be angry and grateful at the same time. One cannot be appreciative and feel deep sorrow simultaneously. So look for things to be grateful for. Make it a habit to appreciate life as it happens for you.

Ground rule number 6: Be happy you are having problems. The only people who don’t have problems are the ones who don’t do anything. If you are having difficulties it is because you are living in forward motion. Your adventure will always have ups and downs. Appreciating the downs makes the ups just that more glorious.

And again, know that your attitude should be based on how you want the world, how you want life, to be. Don’t set your attitude by what other have handed you. That only leads to being frustrated and unhappy. The way you grow from loss or defeat is to keep your attitude based on learning and progress. No one every grew from being stagnant and defeated.

When other people feed you their opinions, allow them to feed your mind not starve your spirit. Learn from what people say, do, and feel. But speak your own words, think your own thoughts, and feel your own heart. You are what matters in your world to be sure, but know that giving of yourself will not only make your world a better place, but will change the life of so many others as well. Giving to others is an amazing feeling, selfishly set out to give yourself that joy as much as possible.

Always do what is right by your own principles. Doing the right thing will give you strength and allow you to share your strength with others. Doing things, the easy way may make life smoother right now, but easy and right are often very different choices. Choose the long term right over the short-term simple.

And lastly, feel free to break a few rules, shoot the sacred cows, challenge traditions. The world needs new thinking, thinking from outside the box, from outside the comfort zone. Do not fear doing things differently. Everything that is done today was once thought surely insane years ago.

So there are 10 ground rules to move forward with healthy perspective and guarantee your own success:

Choose to see life as controllable

Trust that life will turn out as it’s supposed to, though it might need a few tweaks.

If things are important to you, give them everything you have, love, nurture, and protect them with every part of your being.

You can and will win at this game called life, even when you seem to be losing, remember that you have strength that even you mom didn’t know you had.

Create the habit to appreciate life as it happens for you. Being appreciative allows us to enjoy every day.

Problems just indicate that you are working your way to the top. People without problems are the ones happy to stay on the bottom.

Keep your attitude positive. Other people can affect your life only as much as you allow them.

Be advised by other people and things but think your own thoughts and be your own person. Develop a set of rules and principle that will never falter.

Make decisions based on what is right for the longest time for the most people. Don’t decide to do it the easy way or the quickest way, that almost always turns out badly.

And lastly, don’t be afraid to be different. The only people who have changed the world are the ones who refused to think like everyone else.

No go forth, go on to your next adventure, live you dream, build your world, and always remember that you will not adventure alone. Share your life with friends, family, and the world. Now show us all what you can do.

Being fit as a trend or short term is not healthy, in fact it’s just the opposite. We have to know the reason we maintain a healthy lifestyle. We should be able to have healthy pursuits in a way that our happiness is not impeded. This is exactly why “getting healthy” as a new year’s resolution never works; we obsessively push ourselves to be unhappy out of guilt and shame until we just give up and validate our poor self-image. Sounds odd for me to say, but sometimes chasing a healthy lifestyle is not what people need.

To clarify, it’s the chasing, the never satisfied, pursuit of being fit that is the problem. Fitness, like all things, needs to be balanced with being happy and living a satisfied life.

I try to stay healthy. I run a few days a week and as a former competitive athlete I sign up for a few races each season, just to add meaning to my exercise. But there are some people who go too far. Training 7 days a week, obsession with calorie free, carb free, flavor free food (that always seem to be posted in food photos online) that seems to add salt to the wound, but not really because the diet is also salt free. Geesh.

The right motivation

I have a friend that posts every run on social media. I always felt that social media was great for staying in touch with friends you don’t see every day, but having to review the training plan for old college pals seems weird. I’ll see him face to face in the future and we’ll talk, he’ll say, I saw what you’ve been up to online, and I’ll say, I see you can do an 8-minute mile. Perfect, all caught up. I often wonder if he, or countless others would continue working out if they couldn’t post a “Look-at-me” on Facebook. I feel that it’s like the gymnasts I train doing the sport just to hear applause at meets. The focus in fitness needs to be the same as the focus in the gym; pushing your own potential and maintaining a healthy and highly functional body.

Information vs. Obsession

I have been around label readers, calorie counters, sodium intake monitors, and fat analyzers before and I believe that sometimes it is valuable and necessary to compare products to make good decisions. I commend people, like my wife, who take the time to look and read before deciding. Our FDA has done a good job of requiring the labeling of ingredients and nutrition information on products even though most people don’t read it. However, though I commend those people who do make decisions based on that information, I also believe that, for some, it can go too far. Reading everything on the label, only choosing based off a particular quality often leaves out an important factor…. taste. I have long been a follower of the middle path, leaning toward neither extreme. Though I look at labels when comparing types of butter, I won’t avoid butter because it’s “unhealthy”. It’s also delicious and though I don’t slather it on everything-Paula Dean style- I do occasionally like to cook with it. Choices.

There is more to life than working out

I’ve been around people who only seem to have conversations about their workouts and I can tell you, it’s boring. I’m even in the workout business, and I find it boring. There is so much that people can share that make conversations enjoyable, why stick to only one topic. It’s likely due to one of 2 reasons. Option 1; they are obsessed. Every waking thought is a delusional fear about how they will die instantly if they do not push maximal training, run faster and further, lift more weight and more times, take another boot camp or spin class, and even eliminate anything enjoyable from their diet. That type of obsession is not only potentially harmful but often really tedious to your friends who just wanted to order a pizza and watch a movie.

Option 2: they are insecure about their body or their training and they want you to validate that they are OK or that they look good. I make it a point to never comment on either thing. The closest they get from me is “Well, how are you feeling?”

Walking the walk

If we want to help other people feel healthy, and don’t get me wrong, that is one of my industry’s driving forces, then we need to lead by example. We need to walk the walk of the talk we talk. Being obsessed or shoving diet choices down other people’s throats will cause them to rear back from health rather than embracing it. Not to mention it makes our lives less enjoyable to be unable to occasionally have a treat without guilt. Your body doesn’t implode if you have a cheat day, or even a cheat week. If you have clear and precise thoughts on what is healthy and what is not, then your diet can be made on choices and smart thinking not binge, purge, and self-hatred. Diets in moderation allow a healthy lifestyle and an enjoyable life.

If you can discern between staying fit and obsessively working out, then you will not only feel and look great but others will see you as the result of healthy pursuits rather than the poster child for crazy obsessive fitness.