Wednesday, June 3

Monday, June 1

You were my best friend, my partner in crime..but you cared about him more than me. A new school, a new best friend, and a couple years later..and you still have some crazy effect on me..sometimes I wish we could talk how we used to.. I kinda miss you..

hold me now at 9:42 AM

Friday, May 29

Kasi ganito yun, before dinner, I connected my Multiply with my Blogger account. Eh kasi gusto ko, kapag magpost ako sa Multiply, it will go straight to Blogger. Which is what I did a few years ago. Pero nung may pop-up na Import All Posts to Multiply, nag Cancel ako. :|

Sunday, June 17

I really wish I never met you. I tried so hard go bring back our old friendship but everything is falling back to pieces. I tried to strike up a conversation with you but it seems that you are always occupied with something or someone. Why am I doing this to myself? I have sacrificed for the longest time to save whatever is left for our friendship and nothing. There's no new developments. The only thing is that we are going farther and farther apart everytime we talk to each other.

Before, we would usually have a fun time talking about nonsense. We would have to text each other after talking online. We would go to bed at around 2AM. By that time one of us has already fallen asleep. And when we wake up for school, we would usually text each other and tease some of my teachers about the way they act, teach, and those kinds of stuff.

Now, its so different. Rarely would you see this person online. Maybe hiding from me? Stealth mode perhaps?

When I talk to you, i have to ask a question just to keep the conversation going. It seems like there's this wall up that has been keeping you from sharing things about me. Its like I'm not a friend that you used to talk to before. Its like I'm not someone who shared to you my entire life. You tried to help me out of my problems and now, you have no reaction when I share them. You would give me advice about this person and now, its like, nothing.

And then I ask myself.. WHY? Why would I let myself be hurt from you and just accept the pain you give to me. Why am I so desperate to be your friend and wanted to bring back our friendship. Why do I always want you to help me and be the model that I needed? Why would I go trough pain and suffering just for us to be friends? Why would I rather let go of my past relationship rather than leaving you who was once in my life my best friend? Why would I continue to wear this mask and think that you still would want to be my friend? Why would I avoid myself from the reality that you broke your promise? Why? Why? Why?

The answer is simple... it is because you were one of the few persons who made me feel complete. You were one of the few persons who made me TRULY happy. You were a missing piece in my puzzle. And now that piece is missing again, I WILL NEVER BE COMPLETE. I wish that I never met you, to begin with. At least I would continue thinking that it is not possible to complete the puzzle and not think that there is a chance to find the missing piece of the puzzle....

hold me now at 11:26 PM

Thursday, May 24

Review classes are over and I can be free again. My mom just lifted the Computer Ban but there's still a limit with the number of hours that I could use the computer. I really must be asleep right now but I have to get this out of my chest. Everyday I just ponder over this thing and I am having a hard time to keep it to myself.

Lately, I have been having these feelings for someone I know. And I've been pretty much been showing it when we are together and when we go out and stuff. I met her just recently. Just this month, I first saw her and we have been talking ever since then. We became really good friends. We became really close. Usually, people see us side-by-side. Yes, I have a crush on her but I'm just feeling scared.

After what happened in my last relationship, I'm really having second thoughts in going through another relationship over again. Let's just say that I'm not ready yet because I really felt the pain in that break-up. Being the rebound person in my ex's life, I am still confused in what I choose to do. Because before our relationship (my ex), she just broke up with someone and she probably just used me to make herself so happy again. So its like she just made herself happy in telling me how much she loves me etc etc and when she finally has moved on with her relationship, the one before ours, she left. I really don't want to feel hurt because of a relationship again.

When going to Juno's house after the Eastwood gimmick, Mico Suba told me, "Ui, wag mo naman sana siyang gawing rebound girl mo, ah." Then I thought to myself, am I ready for another relationship? To go through everything that I went through for the fourth time? I'm still having some thoughts about it and after what Mico said, that's the only time that it sinked in.

I am not yet ready to hurt her. I don't want her to feel sad. I'm so scared that there will be a time where I will realize that, "Oo nga pala, rebound girl ko nga lang pala siya." I really hope that won't happen. Because she is really so close to me. After what she's going through, I can't stand her doing something that I don't like when I hurt her. I'm scared about a lot of things. What happens if things don't work out well? I really don't want her to feel sad and depressed. Natatakot lang ako kung ano mangyari sa kanya kapag may masamang nangyari sa friendship namin. I'm so confused right now. I didn't bother to talk to her today because I'm pondering on a lot of things between us.

If ever something happens between the two of us, I'll assure you that I won't treat you as the "rebound-girl". I promise you that I'll try my best to make you happy; and you really know how sincere I am when it comes to promises. Yes, I like you but do you? And if ever you do too, do you think that there will be anything between us? I'm scared of hurting you. I really don't want to see you cry and sad again.

If nothing happens, I hope and pray to God that you stay really calm and don't do the stupid things that you did before. Because I am so confused right now. Will I continue what is happening between the two of us or not? Am I already ready to finally forget about my past relationship and start a new one with you? Right now, I'm torn. I really don't know what to choose. I like you but I don't know if you like me too. I'm scared that when something "more" happens between the two of us, I just might hurt you. I'm scared that when something bad happens, you would do something that I would regret for the rest of you life. These are just some of the things that are going through my mind right now.

If anyone could just give me an advice to put me in the right path, please do. I really am confused right now. Especially to my friends who knows what's happening in my life, please, I want to hear your voice. Tell me something that would make a decision. Anything. Please.

hold me now at 11:37 PM

Monday, May 14

Its been quite some time since I posted in this blog. http://ry10.blogspot.com has been my blog ever since last year. I actually had a previous blogger account that is already deleted and as far as I can remember, the 1st post that I made was on March 10, 2004. But before that, I also had a Xanga account. And that was way way back in middle school. I think that the first post I ever made in my whole life was in 1998. But all those memories are lost already since they are deleted because I haven't been updating it. But to think that for all those years, I have been saying what I want to say for almost 10 years. And just a while ago, I was thinking about the past and reading some past posts that I made. [I really miss blogging in straight english. In my multiply account: http://rqsordan.multiply.com, I never really spoke in straight english.]

So I have been reading a lot of past blogs and I saw how happy I was with the company of my friends. I've been with this person who broke up with me and ever since, I cry each night thinking of that dreadful day when we last said our, "i love you"s. But I never really realized how happy I was with my friends. How much they were my shoulder to cry on. Especially the friends that I made in the choir who really became close to my heart.

I trusted a friend of mine, some guy from Xavier, Julio Datu, and he really has been the ears in my stories. I have shared a lot about my life and he listens really well while cracking up a joke here and there to really lighten the mood a lot. I also, in return, am [hopefully] a good friend to him. He has shared a lot of secrets about his life. Just like one time during the outing, he told me a secret that only I knew. So I feel really trusted and I think that I can really trust him with everything. Julio is one of those guys when you first see him, you would think that he's just a funny person. But when you really get to know this guy, he is sensitive and nice. So I really am thankful for having a Julio to be the person to absorb all my feelings.

My choir friends are really the best. Jeff, Jerwin, Ian, Reuel, Kevin, Momon, Joseph just to name a few. Everytime I'm in the choir, I really become happy. And once I'm with my choirmates, I just feel so happy. With the company of my BFFs, Lala and Pat, I really am so happy with their company. Sobrang tuwa ko na hindi pa sila mawawala sa buhay ko. And habang nandito pa ang Ave Maria Youth Choir.

And so, I am so happy to know that at least there are people who care for me other than that person who left me for someone else. I have friends to listen when I'm sad. I have friends when I needed someone to stay beside me. I have these blessed people to care for me during times of trouble. And I really thank the Lord for having you guys as my friends. I guess, the past really brings you something. Because of it, I realized how much my friends played a part in my life and how thankful I am to have someone else who loves me soooo much.

hold me now at 10:34 PM

Saturday, February 10

Stage 1 > Befriending In order to lose a friend, you have to gain one first. Be sure to be close to him/her. Make sure that you become really close with this person. Share some experiences in your life. Always lend an ear when he/she wants to say something.

Stage 2 > Say something weird that he/she won’t forget. Now here comes the twist in your whole friendship. Once you get to the trust of each other, say something that will bother him/her for the rest of your life. Like a simple, “I love you” or “Crush kita” or anything that will really make him/her feel insecure about your friendship.

Stage 3 > Excuses If weirding him/her out worked, then this is where the space starts. Before you know it, you will find yourself drifting apart. Get ready to feel a lot of emotions run through your body. The things that you usually do together will slowly be changed.

Stage 4 > No communication Slowly and surely this friend will take you out of his/her life. Don’t be shocked if he/her starts to put you in stealth mode in your yahoo messenger. Then he/she deletes you from his/her friends in friendster. Then he/she stops replying to you or maybe sometimes that person replies so that you won’t find out. But sometimes, he/she stops from replying. And it with that. You have succeeded.

Tuesday, December 26

Hey guys!!! Finally, I finished my 7th layout for my multiply. This time, the theme is "Remembering 2006" Since new year is just around the corner, I want to think about the things that went on in my life this year. The happy and sad thoughts that I went through and all that. My triumphs and trials. Which made me the person that I am today! :D Of course this will not be possible without the people that played a part in my life throught the past year. And some of them are the people you see above. I hope you guys like this layout. I did it all by myself and it turned out fine. Comments are allowed as usual! And of course, my site is already for contacts only so those comments will kept within my network only. Oki?! See yah guys!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!! :D

hold me now at 12:33 PM

Sunday, December 3

This is a poem that was unfinished two years ago after a friend of mine left to the states. But now, I felt that now is the perfect time to finish the story of a broken heart that was never mended forever. What happened in the end? Something that every broken-hearted person does; try to move on in a world full of tragic tales and misery. A Tragic Tale of Two Lovers is a poem I made for a friend two years ago. This time, I feel the exact same way but the difference is that Lovers isin't quite the perfect word in our friendship.

"A Tragic Tale of Two Lovers"by Rye Sordan

A short winter breeze,Pushes grey clouds on by,Shadowing the reluctant light,In the black and solitary sky.

There's safety only from,The halogen lights a-glow,As I sit I wonder all again,Where did the happiness go?

I gave you everything I had,And loved you even more,But I'll never forget that lonely day,When you closed the door.

The winter sky, full of gloom,In the chilling night,The moon exposed, no glow arrives,I'll fly in the halogen light...

See I haven't slept at all, my love,And I'm doing three a day,The walls may move, I may get scared,But it numbs the pain away.

I'll weep and cry, oh yes I'll cry,And I'll scream for you in vain,I guess I'll be alright one day,When I'm over all the pain.

When the night is gone, my mask appears,And I'm "me" once again,But when the night returns I'm on my own,'Cause you'll never want to be my friend.

I know you don't feel anything for me. Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable. You have your own life. Make someone else the happiest person in the world, just like you made me. I don't want you to be my friend if it will be a burden on your personality. Whatever makes you happy.

Thursday, November 30

There are lots of ONEs in my life today... and I really don't know why.

1) Today was my 1st day to buy a gift for Christmas. And to whom is that gift for? That's a secret.

1.5) I only bought 1 gift!

2) Today, only 1 level was increased in my o2jam player.

3) It was my 1st time to go out to the mall this 3rd term.

4) I shared 1 secret to a friend.

5) I cried ONCE today.

6) I did 1 video presentation.

7) I downloaded 1 movie (Zathura).

8) I bought my 1st ever "Yabang Pinoy" bracelet.

9) I got 1 sticker from Starbucks (only 7 to go).

10) Its officially 1 year since I joined the choir (actually 1 year and 3 days. November 27 to be exact.)

and 10) I only thought about ONE person the whole day... and that was........

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~I want to know the truth. I want to know you deepest feelings. I already poured everything out of me; my friends, my family, my lovelife, my secrets. And what do I have? NOTHING. I just want to know who that person really is. I want to know you. I told you that I like you. But is that it? Just leave it there like nothing even happened. I feel hurt that this "stage-play" between you and me is happening. I don't want to end up wherein the girl leaves the boy alone and the boy kills himself in desperation. I don't want that. I think of you each night. I cried over you for the longest time. I really don't know what I am feeling right now. I even don't know who I really like. I just feel confused. I like you perhaps. But is there anything else?

I know you can't talk about that right now. I understand your decision. I just want to know the truth. I want to know who that special person is. I know that there's this some other guy and I know that you like him more than anyone else. But I really don't know if that's the case. Maybe there's been a change of heart? Maybe not. I just want to be sure with everything. I don't know if I could live thinking each day who you really like. I can't cry every night thinking about you.

I told you last night that I will take care of you and I will not allow you to feel sad about anything, remember? I am always here thinking that you are fine and happy with what's going on with your life. I'll protect you and never make you cry. I'll always be here beside you. I don't want to see you cry and I'll make sure that you don't cry.