THE WEST WING
ďSOMEBODY'S GOING TO EMERGENCY, SOMEBODY'S GOING TO JAILĒ
WRITTEN BY: PAUL REDFORD & AARON SORKIN
DIRECTED BY: JESSICA YU
TEASER
The intro to Don Henley's "New York Minute" plays.
FADE IN: EXT. WASHINGTON D.C. - EARLY MORNING
FADE TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
A staffer delivers mail.
FADE TO: INT. NORTHWEST LOBBY - CONTINUOUS
Two White House guards changes shifts.
FADE TO: HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Leo enters.
Lying here in the darkness
I hear the sirens wail
Somebodyís going to emergency
Somebodyís going to jail.
CUT TO: INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Sam is sleeping on couch.
If you find somebody to love in the world
You better hang on tooth and nail
The wolf is always at the door.
Leo looks in and sees Sam.
In a New York Minute, everything can change
In a New York minute...
LEO
Sam?
The song continues, Sam wakes up.
SAM
What day is this?
LEO
Itís Friday.
SAM
Iím sorry. I meant... Iím sorry. What time is it?
LEO
You sleep here last night?
SAM
Iím sorry?
LEO
You slept here?
SAM
I donít have a couch in my office.
LEO
Yeah, but you have a bed in your house, right?
The song fades out.
SAM
I need to change my shirt.
LEO
Maybe you need to go home for a while.
SAM
What are you doing here so early?
LEO
Trying to avoid the protesters. Metro police closed a four-block radius around the World
Bank and made Pennsylvania Avenue one way from M to 21st.
They exit Tobyís office and walk through THE WEST WING.
LEO
Seventeenth and 15th are closed to Independence Avenue and Constitutionís closed between
23rd and the Ellipse.
SAM
Did you take Dupont?
LEO
Dupont had two turns closed off with metal barricades and cop cars. So, I took P to Logan
Circle, which was also blocked. So, I made a U-turn and doubled back to get on 16th, where
there was a police cordon around the National Geographic Society.
They enter LEO'S OFFICE.
SAM
Who has a problem with the National Geographic Society?
LEO
Thatís exactly what I want to know.
SAM
Anyway, Iím going to change my shirt.
LEO
Whatís going on with the pardon recommendations?
SAM
Theyíre coming together. Iíve reviewed the recommendations from Justice and the OPA and
Tribbeyís office had its own recommendations.
LEO
How many are you sending in?
SAM
Eighteen, I think, now. Mail fraud, securities fraud, and truly the most bogus drug bust
Iíve ever seen.
LEO
Donít retry the cases.
SAM
Iím not retrying the cases. Iím reading the material Iím supposed to read. Iím making the
recommendations Iím supposed to make. The guy was tried in Spain and found guilty of a
crime he was obviously too stupid to commit.
LEO
Sam, go home, would you?
SAM
No, Iím just going to change my shirt.
LEO
You look bad. Youíre tired, you slept in the office. Itís Friday. Go home.
SAM
Why?
LEO
ĎCause I think youíre putting too much faith in the magical powers of a new shirt.
SAM
Leo.
LEO
Josh told me what happened... with your parents. Sam...
SAM
Yeah?
LEO
My father had affairs.
SAM
Did he?
LEO
Yeah.
SAM
My father didnít pick up a cocktail waitress, Leo. Heís had a woman in an apartment in
Santa Monica...
LEO
Yeah?
SAM
...for 28 years.
LEO
Howíd he get caught?
SAM
My father, it turns out, is stupider than the guy in Spain. So, the real question is how
did he not get caught until now?
LEO
Yeah.
SAM
Anyway, Iíll see you at the staff meeting later.
Sam leaves the office, enters the YELLOW HALL.
LEO
[calls after him] Sam.
Leo joins Sam in the hall, and they walk.
SAM
Yeah?
LEO
When did you find out?
SAM
Tuesday.
LEO
You slept here the last three nights?
SAM
No.
LEO
Seriously, man, go home.
SAM
No, Iím going to check the final OPA list. In fact, Iíll be checking it twice...
see whoís been naughty, see whoís been nice.
LEO
Sam.
SAM
Life goes on, Leo. Certainly the Federal Government does, so... Thanks, but letís drop
it, okay?
LEO
Yeah.
SAM
Theyíre expecting trouble at the National Geographic Society?
LEO
I have no explanation.
SAM
Well, those little postcards they stick in the subscription magazines drive me out of
my mind, so, maybe...
LEO
Yeah.
SAM
Iíll see you later.
Sam enters the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE.
GINGER
Hey, Sam. [into phone] This is Ginger, itís 6:35. Iíve opened the Communications Office.
SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER
* * *
ACT ONE
FADE IN: EXT. THE WHITE HOUSE - DAY
JOSH [VO]
Itís a good speech.
LEO [VO]
The Andrew Jackson speech?
CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
JOSH
Yeah.
LEO
It is a good speech.
JOSH
And it gets better every year. But...
LEO
What?
JOSH
Youíre not going to give it, right?
LEO
Sure.
JOSH
Why?
LEO
Because itís Big Block of Cheese Day, Josh.
They exit the office, walk through JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA.
JOSH
Yeah, see, but we know itís Big Block of Cheese Day. And we know why itís called Big
Block of Cheese Day. So, thereís really no need for the speech.
LEO
Except it wouldnít be Big Block of Cheese Day without the speech, now, would it?
JOSH
Well, letís find out. Maybe it would.
LEO
How did you get to work this morning?
JOSH
I walked.
LEO
Ah.
JOSH
Yeah.
LEO
How is it out there?
JOSH
Uh, itís pretty loud.
LEO
World Policy Studies is holding a forum this morning. Iím going to send Toby.
JOSH
Thatís a good idea.
LEO
Why?
JOSH
Well, Ďcause youíre not sending me.
LEO
Look, I...
JOSH
Leo, the World Bank and the WTO are international organizations of which the U.S. is one
member. Why isnít Switzerland the one?
LEO
ĎCause theyíre not protesting in Switzerland... theyíre protesting on 18th Street, and
I donít want to be asked how come no one from the White House ever met with them.
JOSH
Well, that seems reasonable.
LEO
I canít tell you how relieved I am to have your approval on that.
JOSH
But youíre still going to do the speech.
They stop outside the Roosevelt Room.
LEO
Got to. Little thing called team morale, Josh. You gotta make people feel good about
themselves.
Leo and Josh enter THE ROOSEVELT ROOM. Approximately 35 staffers are standing or sitting
at the table.
LEO
All right, shut the hell up, everybody. Iíve fired more people than you before breakfast.
Complete silence ensues. Leo goes to stand at the head of the table.
LEO
Andrew Jackson,... [staffers groan] ...in the main foyer of the White House had a big
block of cheese. The block of cheese was huge...
C.J.
Leo, who made these assignments?
LEO
I think this will go faster if Iím not interrupted, donít you?
C.J.
Iím meeting with the Organization of Cartographers for Social Equality?
MARGARET
Yes.
C.J.
What do mapmakers have to do with social equality?
LEO
I guess youíre about to find out.
C.J.
Well, probably not, because I wonít really be listening to them.
LEO
The block of cheese was huge...
LARRY
Excuse me, Leo. C.J., I got NIH research funding for cancer treatment using shark
cartilage, if you want to trade.
ED
Iíll take that.
LARRY
What do you got?
ED
Citizens for D.C. Statehood.
LARRY
Forget it.
DONNA
Iíve got the Kempís Ridley Sea Turtle Society, but Iím keeping it.
LEO
Youíre all keeping it. Iím sure Margaret worked long and hard to make sure that the
appropriate petitioner went to the appropriate staffer.
Margaret shakes head Ďnoí, Leo turns to look at her, and she nods Ďyesí.
LEO
The block of cheese was two tons, and was there for any and all who might be hungry...
TOBY
[enters] Excuse me. I was waylaid.
C.J.
By what?
TOBY
30,000 tourists.
LARRY
You know, the protesters.
TOBY
No, donít call them protesters, Iíve seen better organized crowds at the DMV.
LEO
Two tons this block of cheese weighed...
TOBY
[still muttering] In my day, we knew how to protest.
C.J.
What day was that?
TOBY
1968.
JOSH
How the hell old were you when you were protesting?
TOBY
My sisters took me. [staffers chuckle] Anybody have a problem with that?
LEO
No one has a problem with that.
TOBY
The police are always seven steps ahead of them. The cops know exactly where theyíre
going to be and whatís going to happen. You know how they know? By logging onto their
website. We had the underground. We had rapid response.
C.J.
And by God, you were home by supper on a school night.
TOBY
These people are amateurs. Whatís my assignment?
LEO
Meeting with the amateurs.
TOBY
Huh?
LEO
World Policy Studies is having a forum... thereíll be about a hundred of them.
TOBY
Doing what?
LEO
Listening to you conduct a free exchange of ideas.
TOBY
Really?
LEO
Josh thinks itís a good idea.
TOBY
Oh well, if Josh thinks itís a good idea, then you bet, Iíll do it.
LEO
Look...
TOBY
What else is there?
C.J.
Iíve got Cartographers for Social Equality.
JOSH
So, now you have two choices... meeting with an unruly mob or meeting with lunatic
mapmakers.
TOBY
Or getting paid a lot more money working almost anywhere else I want.
LEO
Seriously, Toby, thereíll be security there. But still...
TOBY
What about press?
C.J.
Just wires.
TOBY
No, I mean T.V.
C.J.
No cameras.
TOBY
You negotiated that?
C.J.
Yeah.
TOBY
They agreed to it?
C.J.
You want to make out with me right now, donít you?
TOBY
Well, when donít I? [to Margaret] Give me the thing.
LEO
Okay, then. Andrew Jackson in the main foyer of the White House had a two-ton block
of cheese.
JOSH
And a wheat thin the size of Lake Tahoe.
The staffers giggle. An aide hands Donna a note.
LEO
It was there for any and all who were hungry. It was there for the voiceless, the faceless...
Donna leaves.
CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Donna exits to the hallway, where STEPHANIE GAULT is waiting.
DONNA
Stephanie.
STEPHANIE GAULT
[whispering] Hi. You look great.
DONNA
Thank you. Why are you talking like that?
STEPHANIE
I donít want to shout.
DONNA
But we can use our normal voices though, right?
STEPHANIE
Never been in the White House.
DONNA
If you wait till later tonight, Iíll give you a tour.
STEPHANIE
Did I get you out of something?
DONNA
No, I meant weíre not allowed to give tours until after 10:00 when the Presidentís out
of the west wing.
STEPHANIE
Oh.
DONNA
Come with me.
STEPHANIE
The President works until 10:00?
DONNA
He usually works until after that, but he leaves the Oval at 10. Weíll go in Joshís office.
CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
STEPHANIE
Donna, I am getting you out of something though, right?
DONNA
Nothing, you got me out of the Big Block of Cheese Day meeting.
STEPHANIE
Whatís...?
DONNA
I had the worst feeling you were going to ask. Andrew Jackson, while he was President,
had in the main foyer of the White House - I canít believe Iím giving this speech -
a two-ton block of cheese. In that spirit, Leo McGarry designates one day for certain
senior staff members to take appointments with people or groups that wouldnít ordinarily
be able to get the ear of the White House.
STEPHANIE
Sounds amazing.
DONNA
We make a lot of fun of it but truth is, I think it is.
STEPHANIE
Um, Iím sorry to, uh...
DONNA
Oh, yeah.
Donna closes the door, comes back and sits across from Stephanie.
STEPHANIE
Were you able to mention me to Sam Seaborn?
DONNA
I wasnít... I havenít yet and I apologize.
STEPHANIE
No, thatís okay.
DONNA
Samís just... itís been a bad week for Sam.
STEPHANIE
Itís just that from everything Iíve been told, the President listens to Sam Seaborn when
it comes to...
DONNA
Yeah.
DONNA
I should have said this on the phone. Iím not that comfortable with...
STEPHANIE
Thatís....
DONNA
It puts him in an awkward position if he has to say "no," and something like this, if it
seems like a favor... [beat] Steph, is your dad dying?
Stephanie nods softly.
DONNA
Okay, listen. When weíre in with Sam, mention what youíve just said before, that from
everything youíve heard, heís the man. Heíll want to impress you and show you that heís
got access to the President.
STEPHANIE
Wait a minute. Youíre really getting me in to see him? Itís really all right?
DONNA
Yeah, itís Big Block of Cheese Day. [picks up phone] Itís me. I need some time with Sam.
FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE
* * *
ACT TWO
FADE IN: EXT. THE WHITE HOUSE - DAY
BARTLET
I donít really need to see the ten-year numbers.
CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
STAFFER
We think itíd be a good idea to take a look at them, sir.
BARTLET
Have the ten-year projections ever been close to accurate?
STAFFER
Depends on what you mean by Ďcloseí.
BARTLET
Within a trillion dollars.
STAFFER
No, sir, but weíd like you to take a look at them anyway.
BARTLET
Okay. Bring me the ten-year projection, a Ouija board and a magic wand.
STAFFER
Yes, sir. Thank you, Mr. President.
Bartlet enters the OUTER OVAL OFFICE.
BARTLET
Whatís next?
CHARLIE
Sir, I need just a moment to discuss a fax thatís coming through.
BARTLET
From whom?
CHARLIE
Jonathan Bartlet.
They enter THE OVAL OFFICE.
BARTLET
That name sounds familiar.
CHARLIE
Heís your brother.
BARTLET
Yes. I remember being locked in a steamer trunk.
CHARLIE
That doesnít sound so bad.
BARTLET
There were actual steamers in there with me, Charlie. I was in there with seafood.
CHARLIE
Okay. Well, hereís the thing, Mr. President.
BARTLET
We lost the site.
CHARLIE
You lost the first choice.
BARTLET
Why?
CHARLIE
Your brotherís been speaking with Neda Wallin, counsel to the Bartlet Presidential Library
Commission and apparently the site violates the Historic Barn and Bridges Preservation Act.
BARTLET
Which says?
CHARLIE
Iíve got it here in my notes. "Requires that all non-housing farm and ranch structures
built prior to 1900 be preserved by the owners unless destroyed by an act of God".
BARTLET
What plaid flannel-wearing, cheese-eating, yahoo of a milkman governor signed that idiot
bill into state law? [beat, while Charlie keeps his eyes down] It was me, wasnít it?
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Okay.
CHARLIE
Theyíd like a green light to go ahead with the second site.
BARTLET
Yeah, go ahead.
CHARLIE
Thank you, sir.
BARTLET
No.
CHARLIE
Iím sorry?
BARTLET
No, donít go ahead with the site. I just... [sighs] Tell my brother to hang on, would you?
Iíll make a decision. I donít know what the damn hurry is.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir. [exits]
CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - DAY
SAM
Bonnie, I now need the ten-year OMB projections, as well.
BONNIE
Are those ever accurate?
SAM
No.
BONNIE
And you got another call from...
SAM
Thanks.
Sam takes notes, crumples it and puts it in his pocket. Donna enters with Stephanie.
DONNA
Sam?
SAM
Oh, hey. How you doing?
DONNA
Sam, this is Stephanie Gault. Stephanie, this is Sam.
STEPHANIE
Itís good to meet you.
SAM
Come on in.
All three enter SAM'S OFFICE and sit down.
DONNA
Stephanie and I were at Wisconsin together and we bonded as the result of mutual loathing
for the same ex-boyfriend. Sheís an associate professor of International Relations at the
Maxwell School.
SAM
What are you doing in town?
STEPHANIE
Believe it or not, I advise the WTO in certain areas of macroeconomics, so a global
monetary crisis canít be very far off.
SAM
What can I do for you?
STEPHANIE
[sighs] Sam, my grandfather was Daniel Gault.
SAM
Really?
STEPHANIE
Yeah.
SAM
[to Donna] You know who Daniel Gault was?
DONNA
He was a staffer here in the Ď40s.
SAM
He was a Special Economic Assistant to FDR and Special Liaison to State for Eastern
European Affairs.
STEPHANIE
Donna knows the rest.
DONNA
He was jailed for espionage and died in prison six months later.
SAM
He wasnít put in jail for espionage. They couldnít make espionage. He was put in jail for
perjury for lying in front of HUAC.
DONNA
Sam, Stephanie would like her grandfather included among those being considered for an
executive pardon.
STEPHANIE
And from everything Iíve learned youíre the only person to speak to about this. That you
have the ear of the President.
SAM
Yeah. [sighs] Itís impossible to demonstrate remorse since heís no longer alive.
Demonstrating his innocence is extremely complicated.
STEPHANIE
Yes, but youíve already done it.
SAM
Excuse me?
STEPHANIE
Youíve already demonstrated his innocence and in an extraordinarily compelling way.
Youíve also spoken eloquently on the need for his pardon.
SAM
When did I do that?
STEPHANIE
At Princeton, for 23 pages in the middle of your thesis. [places some papers on his desk]
SAM
Where did you get that?
STEPHANIE
You sent it to my father.
SAM
I did.
STEPHANIE
I know it doesnít seem like there should be much of a rush about getting a pardon for
someone whoís been dead fifty years, but timeís become a factor.
SAM
Your fatherís sick?
STEPHANIE
Yeah.
SAM
You guys want to go to the mess and get some coffee or something?
DONNA
Yeah.
CUT TO: EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. - DAY
The protesters are on the sidewalks, yelling. Toby is sitting in a car, whistling. The
car stops, and he rolls the window down.
TOBY
Toby Ziegler.
OFFICER
Yeah.
Toby continues whistling as he gets out of car.
CUT TO: INT. BUILDING - CONTINUOUS
RHONDA SACHS, another police officer, is standing by the door.
OFFICER
[over radio] Rhonda, this guy coming in is Toby Ziegler.
SACHS
Copy that.
Toby enters.
SACHS
Mr. Ziegler?
TOBY
Yes, maíam.
SACHS
Rhonda Sachs. They asked me to make sure you go home in one piece.
TOBY
You fully trained?
SACHS
Yes.
TOBY
How many different ways you know how to kill a man?
SACHS
How many different ways do I need?
TOBY
I like you.
SACHS
Thank you.
TOBY
Officer Sachs?
SACHS
Yeah?
TOBY
Itís going to be a day at the beach.
CUT TO: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE MESS - DAY
Sam, Stephanie and Donna are at a table. Josh is sitting alone behind them, waiting.
SAM
You do understand how it works?
STEPHANIE
Yeah.
SAM
Recommendations come from the OPA... Office of the Pardon Attorney. Then the President
gets into it, and more often than not, sends it to Counselís office for a further review.
So... it can be a bit of a drawn-out process.
STEPHANIE
Yeah.
SAM
What Iím going to do today is speak to somebody at the Justice Department.
STEPHANIE
Which branch of the Justice Department?
SAM
The FBI.
STEPHANIE
Sam...
SAM
I know, but I wonít start in on something like this without giving them a heads-up.
STEPHANIE
My father requested the file in the late Ď70s and was denied. He sued under Freedom of
Information and the judge ruled that the file couldnít be completely disclosed because it
met three of nine exemptions allowed.
SAM
National Defense and Foreign Relations Information, Internal Agency Rules and Practices,
and Personal Privacy.
STEPHANIE
All of which is because the FBI is simply embarrassed about this period in their history.
SAM
I know, and thatís why I have to give them a heads-up. Does Donna know how to get in touch
with you later? Iíd like to tell you how itís going. We have your number at the hotel?
STEPHANIE
Yeah.
DONNA
Actually, weíre meeting for dinner tonight.
SAM
Stephanie, the reason I mentioned before that it could be a drawn-out process...
STEPHANIE
[sighs] I understand. I just need to be able to give him some good news. Heís a s-sweet
man in a bow tie, Sam. His father... Heís been trying for so long to...
SAM
Yeah. Okay, Iíll see you later then.
Josh comes over.
JOSH
Hey, Steph.
STEPHANIE
Hey, Josh.
DONNA
Youíre across the street in five minutes.
JOSH
Yeah.
SAM
[to Josh] Iím walking out with you.
STEPHANIE
Sam, thank you.
SAM
Yeah.
Sam and Josh exit the mess to the STAIRS.
JOSH
You on the Gault thing?
SAM
Yeah.
JOSH
Thatís nice of you. I appreciate that.
SAM
Yeah. Iíll give the Bureau a heads-up.
JOSH
Theyíre not going to be happy about it.
SAM
No kidding.
JOSH
Did you know that Lincoln signed a pardon on the day he was assassinated?
SAM
Yeah.
JOSH
You know the guyís name?
SAM
Patrick Murphy.
JOSH
You know what he was pardoned for?
SAM
Being a Union deserter.
JOSH
Am I annoying you?
SAM
A little bit, yeah.
JOSH
I was trying to make you laugh.
SAM
I appreciate that. Can I see your friend at the FBI?
JOSH
Yeah. Can I tell him why?
SAM
Yeah.
JOSH
Hey, you want to have a lot of fun? Seriously. Sit in on C.J.ís meeting with the
Organization of Cartographers for Social Equality.
SAM
Whereís the social inequality in cartography?
JOSH
I donít know. Thatís why Iím going.
SAM
Youíll call the guy?
JOSH
Yeah.
SAM
Thanks.
JOSH
That a new shirt?
SAM
Yeah.
JOSH
Nice.
FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO
* * *
ACT THREE
FADE IN: INT. A SMALL AUDITORIUM - DAY
The protesters are gathered, yelling. Toby and Rhonda are on stage in the front.
TOBY
Fire your gun.
SACHS
I canít fire a warning shot indoors.
TOBY
No, I mean fire at them. [beat] Just kidding.
TOBY
[to lead protester Webber] Hey, Solzhenitsyn. Come here. Youíre the group leader?
TERRY WEBBER
Yeah, I am. Iím Terry Webber.
TOBY
You know what you did today that was really stupid? You gave away the cameras. With
cameras in here Iíve got a problem Ďcause I donít want to look like I canít control
the crowd. Without the cameras, I can sit here, read the sports section for two hours,
walk outside and say we talked. So, if you guys want to talk, thatís fine. But youíre
in charge of crowd control, know what Iím saying?
WEBBER
Yeah. [over bullhorn] Folks. People, letís listen up.
The yelling subsides.
TOBY
Good morning... [microphone doesnít work, raises voice] Good morning, my name is Toby
Ziegler and Iím the White House Communications Director and a senior domestic policy
advisor to the President.
PROTESTER 1
Advise him we need clean air more than free trade!
Yelling begins again.
PROTESTER 2
How many 12-year-olds made your shoes, Toby!?
GROUP
Global justice now! Global justice now! Global justice now!
TOBY
[to Sachs] You want to send out for pizza or something?
GROUP
Global justice now! Global justice now!
Toby sits down with a newspaper and puts his feet on the table.
CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING HALLWAY - DAY
Sam walks to the front desk.
RECEPTIONIST
Yes, sir?
SAM
Iím here to see Special Agent Casper. My name is Sam Seaborn.
RECEPTIONIST
Seaborn?
SAM
Yeah.
RECEPTIONIST
Iím sorry, Iím not seeing your name here. Agent Casper knows youíre coming?
SPECIAL AGENT MIKE CASPER
[from down the hall] Sam.
CUT TO: INT. CASPER'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Sam and Casper enter.
SAM
How are you doing, Mike?
Casper slams the door, and both sit down.
CASPER
Just requesting the file on Daniel Gault is so wildly outside the parameters of your
authority as a political appointee...
SAM
I came here to...
CASPER
Listen...
SAM
Mike, you guys got it wrong and you know it.
CASPER
Really?
SAM
Yes.
CASPER
What else do I know?
SAM
Michael, I gave you the heads-up as a courtesy. I donít need your permission to go to
the OPA. I donít need your permission to tell the press why I did.
CASPER
Sam, the guy did six months for a capital crime. Now you want to get him a Presidential
pardon?
SAM
He did six months for perjury before vexingly dying of a heart attack.
CASPER
You know why?
SAM
ĎCause the prosecutor couldnít make espionage.
CASPER
Thatís right.
SAM
Well, why do you suppose that was?
CASPER
I donít suppose, I know. It was because the U.S. Attorney blew it.
SAM
Twelve jurors say no and youíre still...
CASPER
The man was named by Joe McCarthy as part...
SAM
The "20 Years of Treason".
CASPER
Yes. Which was called at the time, a conspiracy on a scale so immense as to dwarf any
previous venture in the history of man.
SAM
Somebody, wake me up from this Ďcause I think you just deputized Joe McCarthy into your
argument.
CASPER
My point...
SAM
You know who else was on that list?
CASPER
Sam.
SAM
General George Marshall, author of the Marshall Plan and mentor to Eisenhower. Course that
was after he won World War II.
CASPER
We made more than we missed.
SAM
Owen Lattimore, I.F. Stone.
CASPER
Not everybody at State was wrongly accused.
SAM
You guys rounded up some pretty dangerous TV comedy writers, too.
CASPER
Sam...
SAM
Ring Larder's just died. How many years does he get back?
CASPER
Listen to me. The Bureauís had moments in its past that itís not proud of. Iíll bet if we
comb through the fine print of history we might be able to find one or two occupants of
the Oval Office who could say the same thing. [Sam lowers his eyes.] But the difference is
our failures are public and our successes are private. So when we apprehend an enemy of the
state, like say, a fugitive member of West Virginia White Pride we donít take a curtain
call on Sunday with Sam and Cokie. When we learned that it wasnít the Secret Service who
ordered the canopy down in Rosslyn we kept it to ourselves.
SAM
Please, God, Mike. Please tell me you werenít just threatening Toby Ziegler.
CASPER
I wasnít, Sam.
SAM
Good.
CASPER
Yeah.
SAM
Anyway... "Because the Bureau will be embarrassed" isnít a good enough reason. Iím putting
Daniel Gault on the list. I just wanted to give you a heads-up.
CASPER
Anything else?
SAM
Nope.
Sam exits. Casper picks up the phone and starts dialing.
CUT TO: INT. THE PRESS ROOM - DAY
People are standing near the podium with an AV display. C.J. enters, passes a sign that
reads "Organization of Cartographers for Social Equality."
C.J.
Hi. Iím sorry.
DR. JOHN FALLOW
Hello.
C.J.
Iím sorry to be late.
FALLOW
Not a problem.
C.J.
Iím C.J. Cregg.
FALLOW
Of course you are. Iím Dr. John Fallow. This is Dr. Cynthia Sayles and Professor Donald Huke.
C.J.
Huke?
DONALD HUKE
Huke.
C.J.
Okay. And you are the Organization of Cartographers for Social Equality.
FALLOW
Well, weíre from the OCSE. We have many members.
C.J.
How many?
FALLOW
4300 dues-paying members.
C.J.
What are the dues?
FALLOW
$20 a year for the newsletter.
C.J.
Letís start.
Josh enters from the back of room.
JOSH
Wait. Wait, I want to see this.
C.J.
This is Josh Lyman.
FALLOW
Indeed you are.
C.J.
Josh, this is Dr. Fallow...
JOSH
Hi.
C.J.
...and his merry men.
The cartographers laugh politely.
FALLOW
Yes.
C.J.
Should we begin?
FALLOW
Yes.
C.J. and Josh sit down.
FALLOW
Plain and simple, weíd like President Bartlet to aggressively support legislation that
would make it mandatory for every public school in America to teach geography using the
Peters Projection Map instead of the traditional Mercator.
JOSH
Give me 200 bucks and itís done.
HUKE
Really?
C.J.
No. Why are we changing maps?
DR. CYNTHIA SAYLES
Because, C.J., the Mercator Projection has fostered European imperialist attitudes for
centuries and created an ethnic bias against a Third World.
C.J.
Really?
Fallow brings the map up on the projector.
FALLOW
The German cartographer, Mercator, originally designed this map in 1569 as a navigational
tool for European sailors.
HUKE
The map enlarges areas at the poles to create straight lines of constant bearing or
geographic direction.
CYNTHIA SAYLES
So, it makes it easier to cross an ocean.
FALLOW
But...
C.J.
Yes?
FALLOW
It distorts the relative size of nations and continents.
C.J.
Are you saying the map is wrong?
FALLOW
Oh, dear, yes. Uh, look at Greenland.
C.J.
Okay...
FALLOW
Now look at Africa.
C.J.
Okay...
FALLOW
The two landmasses appear to be roughly the same size.
C.J.
Yes.
FALLOW
Would it blow your mind if I told you that Africa is in reality fourteen times larger?
Josh nudges C.J. with his knee, C.J. pushes him back.
C.J.
Yes.
SAYLES
Here we have Europe drawn considerably larger than South America when at 6.9 million
square miles South America is almost double the size of Europeís 3.8 million.
HUKE
Alaska appears three times as large as Mexico, when Mexico is larger by .1 million
square miles.
SAYLES
Germany appears in the middle of the map when itís in the northernmost quarter of the Earth.
JOSH
Wait, wait. Relative size is one thing, but youíre telling me that Germany isnít where we
think it is?
FALLOW
Nothingís where you think it is.
C.J.
Where is it?
FALLOW
Iím glad you asked. [brings up a new map, which has its continents significally squished
northward] The Peters Projection.
C.J. and Josh lean forward.
SAYLES
It has fidelity of axis.
HUKE
Fidelity of position.
SAYLES
East-west lines are parallel and intersect north-south axes at right angles.
C.J.
What the hell is that?
FALLOW
Itís where youíve been living this whole time. Should we continue?
JOSH
Uh-huh.
CUT TO: INT. WORLD POLICY AUDITORIUM - DAY
The crowd is still yelling. Toby and Rhonda are at a table on stage.
WEBBER
[to protesters] Look, Iím not saying that weíre going to like their answers. Iím saying
weíre going to give him a chance to talk. Now if you do have a question...
PROTESTER 4
Yeah, my question is who elected his boss the people or Kaiser-Permanente?
PROTESTER 5
Heís not my President, letís vote.
PROTESTER 6
Who do you really work for?
More yelling.
SACHS
[to Toby] Youíre having a pretty good time, arenít you?
TOBY
Well, itís not like being at a Yankee game.
PROTESTER 7
You suck!
TOBY
Well, actually... [chuckles] Yeah, itís like being at a Yankee game.
SACHS
So, Toby?
TOBY
Officer?
SACHS
Since youíre not really doing anything right now, I was wondering, whatís this all about?
TOBY
Itís about the WTO, Rhonda, the World Trade Organization.
SACHS
Well, I get that from the signs and the newspapers.
TOBY
The World Trade Organizationís a group of 140 countries who have agreed to specific trade
policies.
SACHS
So, whatís wrong with that?
TOBY
Nothingís wrong with that.
SACHS
What would they say if I asked them the same question?
TOBY
Theyíd say the WTO benefits corporations and not people.
SACHS
Does it?
TOBY
Benefits both. [pause] Look at them.
SACHS
Yeah.
TOBY
Philistines.
SACHS
Take my nightstick and go kick their ass.
TOBY
Yeah, make all the jokes you want but let me tell you something they claim to speak for
the underprivileged but here in the blackest city in America, Iím looking at a room with
no black faces. No Asians, No Hispanics. Where the hellís the Third World they claim to
represent?
SACHS
Lot of Third-Worlders in the Cabinet Room today, were there?
TOBY
Youíre starting to bother me.
SACHS
Thatís Ďcause Iím armed.
TOBY
No, I like that. [pause] Iím going outside.
The crowd continues yelling.
CUT TO: INT. NORTHWEST LOBBY - DAY
Sam enters, followed by Charlie. They walk.
CHARLIE
Hey, Sam.
SAM
Hey, Charlie, whatís going on?
CHARLIE
The President lost his first choice of a site for the library.
SAM
What happened?
CHARLIE
Thereís an 18th century farmhouse they canít take down.
SAM
Theyíll find another site.
CHARLIE
Yeah, anyway, heís kind of in a mood.
SAM
They shouldnít be talking to him now about the library, anyway. Weíre not going anywhere
for a few years, right?
CHARLIE
Well, I think thatís whatís got him in a mood.
SAM
Yeah.
Charlie continues walking, Sam breaks off and enters the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE.
GINGER
Sam, you just got a call.
SAM
Ginger, do me a favor and catch the calls. Iím going to lie down in Tobyís office for a
few minutes.
GINGER
Sam, it was the National Security Advisor.
Sam takes note.
CUT TO: INT. THE SITUATION ROOM - DAY
Nancy McNally is alone, talking on the phone at the table.
NANCY
Well, heís talking about force protection, right? Iím sorry, Colonel, that was me. Heís
talking about force protection? Right, but the Presidentís going to ask me about the
readiness issue.
The door opens, Sam enters, and Nancy waves him over to the table.
NANCY
Iím saying heís going to want to distinguish readiness and force protection. No, that
was me again. [to Sam with hand over receiver] Iím the only woman on a conference call.
Delaney canít tell when itís me talking. Do I have a bizarrely androgynous voice?
Sam shrugs and sits down.
NANCY
[into phone] Excuse me, Iím going to step off for just a minute.
Nancy hangs up phone, Sam sighs.
NANCY
How you doing?
SAM
Good.
NANCY
Good. Drop Daniel Gault.
SAM
Nancy...
NANCY
Drop Daniel Gault, do it right now.
SAM
Why?
NANCY
ĎCause I just told you to.
SAM
Nancy, Iím a lawyer. Letís let reason and logic have its moment. There was one witness.
NANCY
Sam...
SAM
Earl Lydecker, a low level State Department staffer who confessed to FBI counterintelligence
officers that he and Gault had conspired to send U.S. economic analysis documents to Soviet
agents at the Russian embassy.
NANCY
Yes.
SAM
He confessed, by the way, for no particular reason.
NANCY
Yes.
SAM
It was subsequently demonstrated that Lydecker was a clinically diagnosed manic-depressive
with a history of... wait for it... institutionalization. This was the chief witness for
the prosecution. According to...
NANCY
Sam...
SAM
Excuse me, please. According to retired KGB Colonel Oleg Prosorov a search of the files
at Lubyanka reveals only one reference to Gault. That he was approached in 1943 and
labeled "highly uncooperative" and a "poor prospect for recruitment".
NANCY
Sam, Daniel Gault was a spy.
SAM
[incredulously] Oh my God...
NANCY
He was a Soviet spy, Sam.
SAM
Based on what?
NANCY
Diplomatic cables intercepted by U.S. Army Signal Intelligence in the 1940s.
SAM
If that was the case, why couldnít the U.S. Attorney make espionage in the 1950s?
NANCY
ĎCause the cables werenít decrypted until the 1970s.
SAM
Youíre telling me that we cracked some obscure Russian code and suddenly we learned Gault
was a spy?
NANCY
Yes.
SAM
Thatís crap. If the FBI had proof on Gault they would have told the world about it.
NANCY
No they wouldnít have, Sam.
SAM
Nancy...
NANCY
No they wouldnít have, neither would the NSA, neither would Central Intelligence. You donít
show someone youíve broken their ciphers unless you have to. Gault was long dead. But before
he was, he was an agent called "Black Water". He was a delegate at Yalta. And he returned
to the U.S. by way of Rostov where he was awarded the Order of Lenin.
SAM
Yeah, well, Iíll believe that when they show me the file.
Nancy reaches behind her, picks up a heavy file and places it in front of Sam.
SAM
Thatís not an FBI file.
NANCY
Itís an NSA file.
SAM
Nancy, Iím classified but I donít have code word clearance.
NANCY
I know.
SAM
Iím saying Iím not allowed to see that and you could get into trouble for showing it to me.
NANCY
I could go to jail for showing it to you, which obviously Iím not going to do. [opens the
file] I have blacked out any lateral reference that is code word classified. Those are the
only things Iíve blacked out and they are in no way relevant to your question. Look at me.
Do you believe me?
SAM
[softly] Of course.
NANCY
Go ahead.
Sam starts reading. Nancy picks up the phone again.
NANCY
This is Dr. Nancy McNally, the National Security Advisor. But again, thatís force
protection and not readiness....
FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE
* * *
ACT FOUR
FADE IN: INT. THE PRESS ROOM - DAY
The camera pans from the OCSE group to C.J., standing.
FALLOW
So, uh... Youíre probably wondering what all this has to do with social equality?
C.J.
No. Iím wondering where France really is.
Josh joins C.J., standing.
JOSH
Guys, we want to thank you very much for coming in...
C.J.
Hang on. Weíre going to finish this.
JOSH
Okay.
HUKE
What do maps have to do with social equality, you ask?
JOSH
She asked.
HUKE
Salvatore Natoli of the National Council for Social Studies argues "In our society we
unconsciously equate size with importance, and even power".
Josh and C.J. exchange looks.
JOSH
Iím going to check in on Toby.
C.J.
Go.
JOSH
[to C.J.] These guys find Brigadoon on that map youíll call me, right?
C.J.
Probably not.
JOSH
Okay. [exits]
FALLOW
When Third World countries are misrepresented theyíre likely to be valued less. When
Mercator maps exaggerate the importance of Western civilization, when the top of the map
is given to the northern hemisphere and the bottom is given to the southern... then people
will tend to adopt top and bottom attitudes.
C.J.
But... wait. How... Where else could you put the Northern Hemisphere but on the top?
SAYLES
On the bottom.
C.J.
How?
FALLOW
Like this.
The map is flipped over.
C.J.
Yeah, but you canít do that.
FALLOW
Why not?
C.J.
ĎCause itís freaking me out.
CUT TO: INT. WASHINGTON, D.C. STREET - DAY
The protesters are shouting.
TOBY
Itís activist vacation is what it is. Spring break for anarchist wannabes. The black
t-shirts, the gas masks as fashion accessories.
SACHS
These kids today, with the hair and the clothes...
TOBY
All right, thatís it, flatfoot.
SACHS
I got great feet.
TOBY
You want the benefits of free trade? Food is cheaper.
SACHS
Yes.
TOBY
Food is cheaper, clothes are cheaper, steel is cheaper, cars are cheaper, phone service
is cheaper. You feel me building a rhythm here? Thatís Ďcause Iím a speechwriter and I
know how to make a point.
SACHS
Toby...
TOBY
It lowers prices, it raises income. You see what I did with Ďlowersí and Ďraisesí there?
SACHS
Yes.
TOBY
Itís called the science of listener attention. We did repetition, we did floating opposites
and now you end with the one thatís not like the others. Ready? Free trade stops wars. And
thatís it. Free trade stops wars! And we figure out a way to fix the rest! One world, one
peace. Iím sure Iíve seen that on a sign somewhere.
SACHS
God, Toby... Wouldnít it be great if there was someone around here with communication skills
who could go in there and tell them that?
TOBY
Shut up.
Josh enters through the police line.
JOSH
Toby...
TOBY
What are you doing here?
JOSH
Came down to see how it was going. [to Sachs] Howís it going? Josh Lyman.
SACHS
Rhonda Sachs.
JOSH
Any trouble?
SACHS
No.
TOBY
[raises his hand] Josh. The WTO is undemocratic, and accountable to no one, decisions
are made by Executive Directors and the developing world has little to say about
institutional policy.
JOSH
What was that?
TOBY
I protested to you.
JOSH
Why?
TOBY
ĎCause Iím not allowed to get arrested anymore.
JOSH
Letís go back.
TOBY
No, I hate these people with the heat of a nova. Yet here I go.
SACHS
Attaboy.
TOBY
Shut up.
SACHS
I got your back, man, you know? Or not.
All three enter the building.
CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT
BARTLET
Charlie?
CHARLIE
[enters] Yes, sir?
BARTLET
Letís do calls in the residence, okay?
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
I think there were a couple of late memos.
LEO
[enters] Good evening, Mr. President.
CHARLIE
Theyíre on your desk, sir.
BARTLET
Thanks.
Charlie exits.
BARTLET
Iím going to head home.
LEO
At 7:30?
BARTLET
Iíll make calls from the residence.
LEO
Are you feeling all right?
BARTLET
Yeah.
LEO
I heard you lost the site. Whatís the backup?
BARTLET
Well, thereís this wooded land on the Connecticut River, but the Abenaki Indians are
claiming itís an ancient burial ground.
LEO
Ah.
BARTLET
Thereís a magnificent bluff overlooking an orchard in Orford and the owner is willing,
if not eager, to donate the land.
LEO
Whatís the problem?
BARTLET
The ownerís doing 40 months at Allenwood for securities fraud.
LEO
Youíll find a site.
BARTLET
This is how long I get before I have to start with the library? Two years? And the first
six months was figuring out how to work the phones? Oh, by the way, theyíve changed the
phones again.
LEO
Yeah.
BARTLET
This is the last job Iíve ever going to have. This is the last time Iím going to come to
work with people. I swear to God, I feel like I was just starting to get good at it.
LEO
Well, itís two years, with an option for four more.
Bartlet doesnít respond.
LEO
Mr. President, is there anything we need to talk about?
BARTLET
Not yet, okay?
LEO
Okay.
BARTLET
Iíll see you tomorrow.
LEO
Thank you, Mr. President.
Bartlet exits.
CUT TO: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE MESS - NIGHT
Sam is tossing sugar packets into a metal pot. Sugar packets clang as they hit the pot.
Donna enters.
DONNA
Sam? What are you doing?
SAM
I donít know.
DONNA
Whereíve you been all afternoon?
SAM
Been around. Then I came down here to practice my sugar tossing, Ďcause if you donít
practice, then you might as well give the clarinet to a kid whoíll use it.
DONNA
Stephanieís upstairs. I put her in your office Ďcause Josh is back.
SAM
When she said that from what sheís heard Iím the one to talk to, that... I have the ear
of the President, you told her to say that, right?
DONNA
It was... This was so important to her. I... [chuckles nervously] I wanted to give...
Yes. I did. Iím sorry. I didnít...
SAM
I donít know why youíd think I was like that. I mean, for fun, but... I donít know why
youíd think I was like that.
DONNA
It was wrong.
SAM
Yeah.
DONNA
Were you able to...?
SAM
He was a spy.
DONNA
Youíre sure?
SAM
Yes.
DONNA
No. I mean itís not possible that he...
SAM
His code name was "Black Water". He copied by hand State Department and White House
documents and delivered them to the Soviets. They included...
DONNA
Sam...
SAM
...Rooseveltís plans to enter the war...
DONNA
You canít tell her. You have to tell her something else.
SAM
Possible recruitment targets.
DONNA
Sam, it was...
SAM
Lists of Communists and Communist sympathizers in the State Department and National
Recovery Administration.
DONNA
Sam...
SAM
What are you, out of your mind? Iím telling her right now.
Sam starts to walk out, Donna chases after him.
DONNA
No. No, Sam. Please, you really canít do this.
SAM
Secret memoranda on the U.S. negotiating stance at Yalta...
DONNA
Please stop walking.
Both start climbing the STAIRS.
SAM
Good, Ďcause Stalin needed an advantage and we wanted a fair fight.
DONNA
Sam, nothing good comes from telling her.
SAM
The truth isnít good?
DONNA
Not right now, no. The father is not going to live another three months... let it go
till then.
SAM
Iím not her fairy godmother. She asked me to look into this.
DONNA
Iím saying, you wait three months until...
SAM
Hey.
DONNA
Youíre in a bad...
SAM
Donna...
DONNA
Listen to me. Youíre in a bad place right now and you shouldnít make this decision. If
you donít tell her tonight, you can tell her tomorrow. If you tell her tonight, thatís it.
SAM
Donna.
DONNA
It was people pushing paper around fifty years ago. Why does it matter?
Both stop on the STAIRS.
SAM
It was high treason, and it mattered a great deal! This country is an idea, and one thatís
lit the world for two centuries and treason against that idea is not just a crime against
the living! This ground holds the graves of people who died for it, who gave what Lincoln
called the last full measure of devotion. Of fidelity. You understand the last full measure
of devotion to... Treason against them is... [almost crying]
DONNA
[softly] Sam...
SAM
There was a translator in the Hungarian trade mission named Shaba Demsky. She was murdered
in 1952. She was about to reveal the name of a Soviet agent called Black Water. This girlís
going to find out who her father was.
He continues to climb stairs.
DONNA
Sam... [he turns] You meant grandfather.
Sam turns around and continues down the hall.
CUT TO: INT. SAM'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Sam enters his office. Stephanie stands as he comes through the door.
STEPHANIE
Tell me thereís good news.
SAM
Have you ever heard of a woman named Shaba Demsky?
STEPHANIE
No. [pause] Sam?
Sam looks past Stephanie to Donna as she stands just outside his door.
SAM
Iím sorry, Stephanie. I wasnít able to get access to the people I needed, to have it
considered this time around. Why donít you tell your father youíll be able to try again
in three months.
STEPHANIE
So, youíre open to it?
SAM
Absolutely.
STEPHANIE
[relieved sigh] Thatís all he needed. Thatís all I needed.
Donna enters the office.
STEPHANIE
[to Donna] Did you hear?
DONNA
You should call him right now.
STEPHANIE
Can I use the phone on your desk?
DONNA
Yeah, dial 9.
STEPHANIE
Everyone was right about you, Sam.
DONNA
Samís the man.
Stephanie exits. Sam looks crestfallen, and Donna comes over and hugs him.
SAM
Itís just there are certain things youíre sure of... like longitude and latitude.
DONNA
Sam, I donít know if this is the best time to tell you, but according to C.J., I wouldnít
be so sure about longitude and latitude.
Sam chuckles, and releases from the hug.
JOSH
Hey... [enters] You should have seen Toby.
SAM
He was good?
JOSH
He blew the doors off the place. Then I almost got killed.
DONNA and SAM
How?
JOSH
I got hit with a piece of a banana.
TOBY
Letís go.
JOSH
[to Toby] You know what you are? You are old school, my friend.
TOBY
Stop talking like that. Letís go.
JOSH
Let me tell you something, though. That was the second time this year I almost got killed
and both times I was with you so youíre going to need a new wingman.
TOBY
You were my old wingman?
JOSH
Yeah.
TOBY
Letís go.
DONNA
Where are you going?
JOSH
Toby and I are going to get Sam drunk, and then put him to bed.
DONNA
Iíll come. [leaves]
TOBY
Letís go.
SAM
Iím going to meet you there.
JOSH
Yeah?
Sam nods.
JOSH
All right.
Sam closes the door behind Josh. Don Henley's "New York Minute" plays again.
Lying here in the darkness
I hear the sirens wail
Somebodyís going to emergency
Somebodyís going to jail
Sam takes the phone message out of pocket and starts dialing.
If you find somebody to love in this world
You better hang on tooth and nail
The wolf is always at the door.
SAM
[into phone] Dad... itís me.
DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
In a New York minute, everything can change
In a New York...
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END
* * *
The West Wing and all its characters are properties of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells
Production, Warner Brothers Television, and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended.
Episode 2.16 -- ďSomebody's Going To Emergency, Somebody's Going To JailĒ
Original Airdate: February 28, 2001, 9:00 PM EST
Transcript by: justanotherwinger