Being born in Washington, D.C. and having
spent most of my life in the Washington area, I know one gets
numb to - and even expects - a certain level of sloth and ineptitude
when dealing with city officials. The sort of sloth of which
I speak is by no means unique to our nation's capital. In part
due to the District's notorious reputation, however, bureaucratic
malaise seems to reach new lows.

After reading about lacadaisical "7-11
cops" in a recent issue of the Washington City Paper, I wasn't
looking forward to going to the Metropolitan Police Department
(MPD) offices at 300 Indiana Avenue NW. Upon arrival, it was
immediately clear that officers assigned to this building must
be far removed from the activities that one generally associates
with beat cops.

Officers I see on the streets (and in
assorted convenience stores) generally look quite fit. If something
were to go down, I'm confident these officers - even without guns
- could take care of themselves. They may not accurately report
what occurred, but I believe they could keep the populace safe.
As the son and brother of former officers, I know overweight
cops exist. In the MPD, they all seem to work in this one building.

I needed police assistance because I recently
made a career change. Having worked in the public policy arena
for about a decade, I am becoming a high school history teacher
and Anglican priest. Understandably, and as part of a requirement
to teach in Washington, I need police clearance. I was told this
process doesn't take long.

I filled out the proper forms and handed
the officer my driver's license. Mind you, I've never been convicted
of a felony. I've never even been arrested. But, hearing horror
stories about clerical errors, I expected to be informed of my
vast criminal record and detained on some outstanding bench warrant.
I was pleasantly surprised when the city later confirmed what
I already knew - Council Nedd II has no criminal record.

I have to say I was impressed. There
is a tendency to be overly appreciative when a city employee accomplishes
even the simplest tasks. I can't say I was impressed about the
treatment of the two other gentlemen whom I'll call "Butch"
and "Sundance."

When Butch presented his papers and identification,
the officer chided him about the condition of his license. It
was an older laminated license with dog-eared corners and scratches
so severe that information could barely be discerned. But the
officer was in a good mood and decided the license was valid enough
for obtaining a felony clearance. Evidently, this is what is
meant by "close enough for government work."

Sundance's license, by comparison, made
his friend's look brand new. His was completely wrapped in scotch
tape to the point that the words "Washington, D.C."
were not even visible across the top. Again, the officer dutifully
scolded Sundance but processed his paperwork anyway.

Within ten minutes, we were all called
to get our clearances. Butch and Sundance were as happy as I
to find no felonies on our records, but they seemed especially
ecstatic. Once we got on the elevator it was clear why.

We rode an elevator already occupied by
two of Washington's finest. Butch and Sundance proceeded to laugh
and joke about how they'd gotten one over on the system. In the
short ride from the third floor to the second floor, as Sundance
removed the mounds of tape from the license, they told us all
about their time in the Lorton Correctional Facility - the recently
closed prison serving the District. They also said they had to
return the licenses they used to their rightful owners.

Since then, I've spent an inordinate amount
of time trying to guess where Butch and Sundance could be working.
Will I see Sundance working security the next time I fly out
of Reagan National Airport? Maybe Butch will hand me my allergy
prescriptions the next time I pick them up at the pharmacy. Then
again, maybe Butch will be teaching in the classroom next to me.

###

(Council Nedd is a member of the national
advisory council of the African-American leadership network Project
21. He can be reached at [email protected].)

Note: New Visions Commentaries
reflect the views of their author, and not necessarily those of
Project 21.