Sorting Out Issues of Abuse in the Home

THURSDAY was the third anniversary of Nicole Brown Simpson's murder. While her death received attention for its attachment to celebrity, thousands of other women quietly suffer similar abuses, including 28 women in Connecticut who were killed in 1996, a 33 percent increase from 1995.

Joanne Lorange is working to change those statistics. For eight years she has served as executive director of the Women's Crisis Center in Norwalk. She is a former president and current board member of the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence, an 18-agency consortium, and she serves on the steering committee of Eve's Fund, which raises money for domestic violence education programs.

Ms. Lorange recently discussed the problems associated domestic violence. Following are excerpts from the conversation.

Q. How prevalent is domestic violence?

A. Eight years ago we said every 15 seconds a woman is battered in the United States by a husband, boyfriend or live-in partner. Now we say it's every 9 seconds.

In Connecticut for fiscal year 1995-96, the 18 domestic violence agencies had a total of 23,937 hot line calls; provided 906 women and 1,295 children under 18 with shelter services, and helped 16,995 adult victims and 2,584 children with non-shelter services.

Through our victim advocate program, we helped 20,297 in the court system. And 66,196 people attended community education programs. These figures represent a 10 percent increase over the past five years.

Q. What are the causes of domestic violence?

A. The root cause is really one person's need to have power and control over another person. And 95 percent of the victims are women, so a lot of it has to do with a person who really sees women as objects and as secondary citizens.

Q. Are there secondary factors?

A. Drug and alcohol abuse can precipitate the violence. Sometimes people who don't understand domestic violence think that if you're upset because you are unemployed or upset about something else, you might become an abuser, but it really is socially learned behavior.

Q. How is the abuse manifested?

A. It's mainly emotional abuse, which doesn't necessarily mean it will go into physical abuse. But when there's physical abuse, more likely there is emotional and sexual abuse. A lot of women dismiss emotional abuse and say they don't really think they are abused. They are very ashamed, and often times in affluent communities it's even more shameful. The women think ''we're educated, we should know better,'' or ''he's a prominent member of the community and I don't want to tell this terrible secret.'' In more affluent communities, where houses are further apart, the secret can go on longer because others can't hear the yelling and screaming.

Q. Why do people stay in abusive relationships?

A. Women stay because the abuser controls and dominates them so much that their self-esteem is whittled away and they begin to believe they cannot make it on their own. Often the abuser tells the partner ''If you leave me I will kill myself,'' and the victim doesn't want that on her conscience.

Oftentimes the abuse involves financial control, so the person has no inner or outer resources to make it on their own. They may not work, or have credit in their own name. The abuser has made them think they are hopeless and inadequate. And it's hard to go out on your own. It's very expensive, and there's a great fear of becoming homeless.

Q. Is that fear warranted?

A. Absolutely. Statistics from 1991 estimated that 50 percent of all homeless women and children are fleeing from domestic violence.

A. A good percentage of abusers have either been abused or grew up in an abusive household and watched their mothers being abused. It is more likely that a male who grows up in that type of environment will grow up to be an abuser. Girls may grow up and marry an abuser because that's the way they think intimate relationships are supposed to be. The notion that women should be passive, and are there for men, is repeated in another generation.

Q. What are the effects of domestic violence on an abused women?

A. Her self-esteem is lessened. She oftentimes is isolated, not able to pursue career or job interests. She is financially trapped, and physically, emotionally and sexually hurt. And the domestic violence not only has immediate effects but also long-term effects. One victim was held at gunpoint and stabbed. She said the physical wounds, as bad as they were, would heal, but it was the emotional wounds she was afraid would never heal.

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A. When women are injured emotionally and physically, they oftentimes are unable to care for their children. Children who are in abusive homes, whether or not they are physically injured, are still affected by the violence because the emotional effects can be just as devastating as the physical. So often the children feel responsible for the violence. If Dad says to Mom, ''You'd better keep those kids quiet or I'll beat you,'' kids think ''If only I had listened to my mother she wouldn't be beaten.'' They also feel helpless because they can't stop the violence.

Children suffer from all kinds of ailments -- headaches, ulcers, rashes, stomach aches -- because they are constantly anxious, fearing when the next beating will happen. Children at younger ages may have developmental delays, hearing problems and language problems. They may have behavioral problems at school because they may choose to resolve their conflicts by fighting because that's what they see at home. Older children are at risk for juvenile delinquency, teen pregnancy and alcohol and drug abuse.

Q. What percentage of children in abusive homes are abused?

A. Nationally, 3.3 million children witness domestic violence, and 41 to 50 percent are there when police intervene. Of those cases in 1995 where an abuser was arrested, 14 percent of the children had sustained physical injuries.

Q. What is the significance of the Violence Against Women Act?

A. Passed in 1994, the national act says domestic violence is a crime and unacceptable. It really emphasizes collaborate work between domestic violence agencies, law enforcement and the legal system to protect victims. Legislation is key to saying loud and clear that whether you're assaulted on the street or in the home it's a crime and that behavior should not be accepted. If we don't make the abuser accountable, we'll never stop domestic violence.

Q. What services are provided by the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence?

A. Our ultimate goal is to break the cycle of violence, so we help families and individuals that are in abusive relationships to free themselves from physical, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse.

We offer a confidential 24-hour hot line; individual counseling to women, men and children; short-term and long-term therapy; support groups; emergency shelters, and victim advocacy and child advocacy.

We run an after-school program for kindergarten through high school children, talking about communication skills, conflict resolution and healthy relationships.

We train law enforcement personnel on protocols for referring people to domestic violence agencies, and provide training for the clergy and other social service providers. We also conduct community education for civic groups.

Q. How often do couples resolve their situation and stay together?

A. If we intervene early enough and the abuser is willing to deal with having a problem, we may be successful. But more often than not the abuser does not want to admit he has a problem.

Q. What is your advice to people in domestic violence situations?

A. Our whole philosophy is one of empowerment. We help people get as much information as possible, learn about the patterns and root causes of abuse, and let them make up their minds. Women know best if their lives have been threatened or if the abuser will act on their threat.

One of most important things we do is help individuals or families make safety plans.

Kids learn how to call for help if there is danger, and how to identify adults who are safe to talk to.

Women make sure they have somebody in the neighborhood with whom they have a signal: turning the light on outside of house means she's in trouble and call the police.