(Picture by Fox_Fotography!!!!)
Leather Bear Tails is about the leather journey of my slave and I. It deals with all parts of the leather and BDSM experience from safety to predators, to skills, and all of the lovely mistakes that she and I make along the way!!
Also!! I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it can be found for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+usI am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information! The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!

If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:

Friday, November 30, 2012

I had the best time at the last AEL munch! It featured Lady golden and slave lou talking
about M/s relationships. There was a lot that I took away from that
night, and am still thinking about!

At one
point they covered the importance of being transparent, in other words being open,
honest and frank about your needs and expectations.

So about a week or so ago I started to write a piece on
transparency, and I found that I was really stuck. I just couldn’t put it
together in my head. Every time I tried to write about how the concept applies
in my life I came up empty.

At that point I decided to ask my slave what she thought, because I was searching for some insight into
why I was struggling with this concept so much. So I took a deep breath and asked
her “Am I transparent?”

she paused and said:
“No. But that is not a bad thing. But you are adorable!! Does that substitute?” she smiled as I took this in and said “Well, your rage is transparent. Your anger, annoyance and frustration those
are pretty transparent.”

After a little more thought she added: “You are transparent to me, but we have been
together for ten years. So certain things that you do and certain things that
you say are transparent to me.”

I was concerned about what that might mean to her, so I said
“But I am not deceptive to you.”

she answered “No you are not, there is a difference. I think transparency is a goal to attain, but
I think if you hit a wall, because being transparent means you are a level of vulnerability
that you are uncomfortable with or are triggered, it is not something that you
can attain. It might not be something that you can ever attain, and that is
ok.”

I asked for her to explain some more and she continued:

“I think that there are different types of transparency,
there is situational transparency then there is 24/7 transparency and there is
relationship based transparency. When it comes to us you are, for the most part,
24/7 transparent, but that is because I make an effort to get to know you. I make an effort to look for signs of where
you are, even when you are not aware of them. It is kind of like an emotional
version of anticipatory service. When
you tell me you are ok but you do this mouth twitch thing, I know that you are
not. There are a lot of signs in your
body language that I look for, and to me after being with you for ten years,
that makes you transparent. That makes you glaringly obvious. To me you are transparent because I recognize
what your mouth is doing, your voice is doing, and you are not able to hide those
things.”

I knew exactly what she was talking about, when asked I will
always say that things are ok, even if they aren’t, or I am not. It is an
automatic reaction that I hold on to, almost like if I say that everything is
ok then they will be. But the reaction
isn’t always honest.

she continues: “I think
when we are talking about relationship transparency I think that means that you
are transparent as you can be in front of a select group of people and only
when you feel safe. You are as
transparent as you can ever be in front of Whipdaddy, but he also recognizes
when you are not ok. Most of us can’t be transparent all of the time including
in the majority of our relationships, but not being transparent doesn’t mean
being deceptive. Sometimes a lack of transparency is necessary for financial, emotional
and social survival. The important thing is learning to recognize when being
transparent is going to be safe. To recognize when your transparency is going
to be honored and respected.”

I know that when I am facing being transparent I often look
at the other person and over read them. If they look away from me, seem not
interested or bored, don’t ask me questions about what I am saying (that is the
biggie) or automatically change the conversation to themselves, I will stop and
go back to being guarded. At that point
I will change the conversation and put it back on them, relieving me from being
transparent. If I don’t feel heard and
supported, then I will emotionally block and it will take a long time before I
will try with that person again.

So I asked her: “Don’t
you think that transparency is important in intimate relationships, like
between me and you?”

And she said: “Yes,
but the work doesn’t end with being transparent, once you are transparent the
question becomes are you going to allow the other person to address the needs
that are made obvious by that transparency.
None of that matters if the partner that is being transparent will not
let the other partner move forward with what they are seeing. So you are transparent but you aren’t letting
the partner use that transparency, and
that can be just as ineffective as not being transparent at all, because the
end result is still the same.

So when I recognize that you are moving into a space when
you are going to need attention that will ensure your physical or emotional
safety and you are not able to let me, you are transparent. But if I am not
able to move forward on that transparency to comfort you or do the necessary
steps to create a safe space, then the end result for me is still the same. I view
your vulnerability as meaning you are going to need to be safe and for me that means
I need to do certain things for you to be safe. But there are times where you won’t
let me do those things. At that point
transparency doesn’t matter.“

I could see where she was coming from, for me it is a push
to be that open, so to be that open and need her help is many times a lot more
then I can handle. Luckily my slave is patient and attentive, so when I say “no
I don’t need help”, she will usually wait and see if I change my mind or if I
can handle her helping me a little later.

she continues: “Transparency
also does not mean that the person being transparent does not have to do the
work. They still have to do their own
emotional work, and sometimes there is a disconnect in the relationship because
one person feels that by being transparent that they don’t have to pick up
their own emotional self. They feel that
if they are transparent it is someone else’s job to make them feel better. When
in reality being transparent means you are still responsible for your own emotions.
In both of these situations when the person wants someone else to do the work,
or wants someone to do nothing, the hard part is that there has to be
communication about that.

When there is transparency in a relationship both
parties have a job and that needs to be communicated. The one being transparent
and the one recognizing that transparency, if you don’t want help say it, or if
you want help learn the boundaries of the help that you want. Perhaps a person is offering too much help,
or their help is taking away from your feeling of empowerment. That is how I made my peace with you not
needing help when you are transparent, there is a recognition that the help
that I was offering was going to take away from the empowerment that you needed
when you are vulnerable. But in that
case you didn’t tell me, I had to get there on my own.“

Although I agreed with her here, I do feel that for myself
at least, a lot of times I don’t even know what I need. Sometimes just the act
of being transparent is so taxing that just getting thorough that is all that I
can focus on. But what this conversation
did do was open my eyes a little more about the type of emotional work that my
slave does around and for me.

Honestly speaking I love listening to my slave talk, her
insight and knowledge are a great challenge to me. And I feel very lucky to be
with someone who understands that when I say fine and then do that mouth
thing that fine really doesn’t mean
fine…….

Friday, November 23, 2012

For my slave’s birthday I took her to the ABO ruins in Mountainair.
(For the record her birthday is the only time I hate being this poor.)

The ruins had been an established and bustling community for
generations until the 1660’s when they were taken over by a Spanish
priest. Within 75 years a drought had
forced the town to move to the Rio Grande. In the 1800’s settlers came and
homesteaded the ruins. Those homesteaders are still there and living on site.

When we went to the ruins we were unprepared for the extreme
racism of the revisionist history in both the pamphlet that served as the
monuments guide as well as the big freestanding placards that stood on the
trail. It was unreal. It talked at length about how the Spanish priest designed
and “built" the town. Not that he was building over native sacred sites or that
it was the slave labor and forced Indian converts that actually built the site.

It talked about how the kiva (?) (And that is how it was spelled at the
grounds “ kiva (?)" ) was probably not a
kiva, even though it was shaped like a kiva, had prominent ground like a kiva,
and had a hole for smoke like a kiva. When the kiva(?) was excavated it was found full of trash and no one could figure out what that meant. A kiva full of trash and they
didn’t know what that could mean......

All of the priest’s quarters had backdoor secret entrances. (Their
words not mine. “Secret” entrances.) I could go on, but the placards with the very
happy Indians smiling at the priest and thrilled to be kneeling on the ground during
mass still burns in my mind.

Finally to add insult to end all insults, one of the Spanish
homesteaders is buried on site and their grave is kept spotless and memorialized.

All of this got me thinking- what are we going to say about
our own history 200 years from now?

Already as we look at our history it is blurred and skewed. It
is difficult to separate what actually happened from fiction, literally.

According to Wikipedia- (I’m not a scholar here so doesn’t
expect me to site a historian from Brown, Harvard, or Yale.)

1) One of the oldest
graphical proofs of sadomasochistic activities is found in anEtruscan burial site in Tarquinia. Inside the Tomba della
Fustigazione (Tomb of Flogging), in the latter sixth century
B.C., two men are portrayed flagellating a woman with a cane and a hand during
an erotic situation.

2) Another reference related to flagellation is to be found in
the sixth book of the Satires of the ancient Roman PoetJuvenal (1st–2nd century A.D.),further
reference can be found in Petronius's Satyricon where a delinquent is whipped
for sexual arousal.

3) Anecdotal narratives related to humans who have had
themselves voluntary bound, flagellated or whipped as a substitute for sex or
as part of foreplay reach back to the third and fourth century

4) Historians attribute Kamasutra to be composed between 400
BCE and 200 CE. It describes four
different kinds of hitting during lovemaking, the allowed regions of the human
body to target and different kinds of joyful "cries of pain"
practiced by bottoms.

5) There are anecdotal reports of people willingly being bound
or whipped, as a prelude to or substitute for sex, during the 14th century.

6) Some sources claim that BDSM as a distinct form of sexual
behavior originated at the beginning of the 18th century when Western
civilization began medically and legally categorizing sexual behavior.

So if the westernization of BDSM was what is considered the
beginning, then you can count on revisionist and racist history, it is one of
the few things that we do consistently well. BDSM did not start in the West, it started in
far off countries, centuries ago, by people of color. For centuries the idea of pain and pleasure, dominance
and submission were looked upon as normal and wide spread sexual acts. There was a general understanding that BDSM
was a normal part of sexual and relationship pleasure.

Now it is outlawed and we are fighting for our place in this
society.

So next time you pick up a flogger- think about the
centuries of history that you are holding in your hand. And remember, our history did not start with
the end of a war, the writing of Mr.
Benson, or the Market place. What we are doing started way before us and hopefully will continue way after we are long gone.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Have you ever watched someone play and winced a little? Or a
lot? Have you ever watched someone play and thought “maybe someone should tell
them that what they are doing is really dangerous?”

I have seen my fair share of dangerous, unskilled, and
unstable play, we all have.

However, as I have been thinking back these beauties came to
mind:

-The “Top” (who went by the title of “master” by
the way) took a person who said that they had never played, flogged them
heavily with no warm up and no cool down. Then afterwards stood masterly at the
other end of the room as the person that they had just wailed on sat in a
corner in the fetal position completely glazed over.

-The “Top” that showcased their bottoms welts and
bruises after the scene. The welts and bruises that were caused by wrapping and
were all over the bottoms joints.

-The “Top” that was so busy
watching and interacting with the crowd that they never did see where they
actually hit the bottom.

I am sure that if I were to ask all of these tops that they
would say they were skilled, they would probably say that they were exceptionally
skilled.

So how do you know if you really are skilled?

I am going to say that time in does not guarantee skill. I
will also say that skill in a single area doesn’t make someone a skilled player,
although it may make them skilled when it comes to that single type of play. I
will also say that a big toy bag does not mean a big skill set.

I suppose if you
wanted to be general about the whole thing that you could say that a skilled
player is identifiable by a happy bottom. BUT- the bottom that had bruises and
welts over their hip joints was very happy….

I know that everyone defines what skill is differently. So here are a few things that I look for when
I watch play that I feel gives me an idea about someone’s skill level. Of
course, that is assuming I am skilled……..

1)The top can use both hands. They aren’t stuck to one side because they
can only use one had, they have flexibility and control on both sides of their
body.

2)The top moves around. They are able to remain in contact and
control of the scene while moving forwards, backwards, and to either side. They
also use many parts of the bottoms body, from their calves to their shoulders,
and from their groin to their chest. The top is able to scene with the bottom
in many different positions. They don’t rely on the bottom be in one place for
their aim to be dead on.

3)The top may have a specialty, but they aren’t
limited to that. They are able to play in different environments and spaces. IF
the tops specialty is piercing, but the play party doesn't allow for blood play,
the top is still able to do something else.

4)If the top chooses to use various toys, they do
so carefully and not fanatically jumping from toy to toy. The changing of toys
is done because the top wants a different toy, not because the top can only use
that toy one way. They are articulate
with what they do use, and know how to take their time before changing
sensations.

5)They can focus on the bottom. It doesn’t matter
the crowd size, or attention given to the scene the top can focus and stay
focused on the bottom throughout the scene and afterwards.

6)They can use any toy with many levels of intensity.
They are not limited to what the toy was made to do, they are able to see past
that and use any toy to warm up, intensify or cool down.

7)They can stop.
They are so in tune with how the bottom is doing and how they are doing
that even a public space with an appreciative audience will not stop the top from ending the scene.

When I watch for these things I feel I can have a sense of
how the person plays and where their skill is compared to mine. Now to be
honest here I have done my fair share of red out scenes, out of boundary
scenes, oh shit scenes, and “SURPRISE” scenes.
Like “surprise!!! “ Anal sex, or “surprise!!!” impact play….… I have left bruises when I said that I
wouldn’t. I have gotten so far in my own
head space that my slave had to red out for me because I wasn’t connected with
her. When I was first doing piecing I
had the bottom almost pass out. I have wrapped, miss-hit, not negotiated and
miss- read who I was playing with.

Wow- I should stop talking while I
am ahead…..

I think that what I am trying to
say here is that the concept of skill can be very elusive. What makes one a
skilled player with some people can make them a very unskilled player with
others. Someone can be very skilled
privately but unable to control a scene publicly. Someone can be excellent at
taking down a heavy experienced bottom, but unable to play well with newbie’s.
Someone can be very skilled at playing with women, but not know the first thing
about playing with men. Someone can be a
master flogger, but give them a cane and they are lost.

Friday, November 9, 2012

I hate it when other people ruin my lovely, cozy, amazing
life. I have a wonderful life. I have a lot of love, I have amazing sex, and
I have a woman who loves me no matter how many sock trees that I try to grow by
leaving my socks on the living room floor.
I have a beautiful home, with amazing horses and loving cats. I have an
intentional family that buys me curios, and sends me notes that say that they
love me every day, that I matter, and remind me how to lead. I have a good
honest job that pays me well, and a crew of people that I work with that are
smart, dedicated and team oriented. Overall, I am blessed in ways that many people
aren’t. And I am utterly utterly
grateful for those things.

However, in the other world I am used to being treated differently.
It is a subtle thing, most of the time.
People move their kids away from me, people eye me then back away or walk in
the other direction, I have seen women move behind their male partners, male
partners pull their women closer. In a
lot of ways I am used to that and don’t really mind, it gives me an edge, I
feel, an advantage. But there is a
difference between me being treated different, and me being treated in a way
that quite frankly stays with me for days.

And that is where I am now.

I am writing this
because I have not been able to compartmentalize it since it happened.

Last Monday we went to the bank to see someone about a
mortgage loan refinance. Now just to
preface here, I knew that we wouldn’t qualify- my credit sucks. But they said that they could do something,
they sought me out, so I thought, well, more information doesn’t hurt. But my
gut said, don’t go.

So we arrived at the bank on time, and 15 minutes later were
told that we were at the wrong bank, she had not told me were her office was . We had to dive across town to her find her,
and when I was walking in my gut said- don’t do this.

But in we went.

I could feel who she
was before I saw her face. She didn’t
bother to apologize she just looked me up and down, the same with my slave, and
then sat down. She did not offer us a
seat. She was thin, white, and rich- she made sure to let us know about her
vacation property in Angelfire. She went
on and on about how she hated Mondays and how much pain she was in due to her
jaw being wired shut from being thrown from her horse. I looked at my slave several times confused.

She said that she tried to call my cell phone but had the
wrong number. Then sputtered over
herself when I said that I didn’t own one, she paused and said “why don’t you
own a cell phone?” I was shocked at the
question, it was abrupt, accusatory. I said that we don’t have a cell phone
because I don’t like people. Then my
slave tried to explain us a little more she said that we are broke. I noticed that the question moved the focus
away from the fact that she had just lied to me about trying to call.

I watched this woman
carefully.

She would talk about herself , just
to hear herself talk. When she would tense up she would ask me a question – not
to hear the answer, but to hear me say I didn’t know. Then she would relax a
little. When I could answer her questions, she would interrupt me, talk over my
answer, and make up her own answer. I would have to stop her and explain myself
again, not that what I was saying mattered. She would look down every time that
I talked.

She made snide comments about my salary “is that all?” about
my schooling “you just went to
nursing school?” About my credit "tsk tsk tsk” as she tapped the papers. About my home. “You had better not lose that
house.” “Why don’t you just sell?”

Finally when I realized that I had taken all that I could. I
took my paperwork, stood up and said “are we done here?” She didn’t bother to say have a nice day;
shake my hand or any of that other perfunctory crap a business person is
supposed to do. She just stood up backed
away, and was much relived that we were going.

My slave and I left glassy eyed and confused, I was
downright angry and she was trying to put herself back together. My slave in
general has amazing social skills, and does much better in situations like
this. I remind her of this often, as I
am proud of how she conducts herself, and quite frankly apologizes for my short
comings.

But after that we were both just trying to pick ourselves
up.

I felt abused and berated.
I felt like no matter what I said it would not have mattered, and like
my hard earned accomplishments were just a wrinkle in this woman’s nose.

It felt alien, and we both stayed in shock for a while. We
are still in shock.

My slave bough me ice cream.
I had amazing sex, a few times, that helped- a lot.

About Me

I am a Master identified lesbian. My slave and I have been together in in a 24/7 dynamic for 14years. This shows how patient she really is... I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us." It is available here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html
I love discussing M/s in real life terms, not just the ones put out there by unrealistic, holier then thou, better then everyone people. We are real people living a real life, it involves mistakes, miscommunication, undone chores, and the experiment gone wrong. ie... playing with emergency candle wax. And neither I nor she will put out there that our flawed lives are any better then anyone else's!!!