Shia LaBeouf Will Have 'Sex For Real' In Lars Von Trier's Nymphomaniac

The last four, now five, times Film Drunk has written about Shia Labeouf, it’s involved his peen and/or butt. A layman might think we’re oddly fascinated by his bathing suit zone due to a traumatic incident involving Holes (holes?), but in fact, we were just recognizing greatness, the same kind of greatness that leads to Lars von Trier making Shia have “sex for real” in his next movie, Nymphomaniac, a bleak remake of Rochelle Rochelle.

During an interview with MTV, Shia LaBeouf confirmed that he will indeed be working with director Lars von Trier on his next project, Nymphomaniac. Not only that, but he also revealed that all of the film’s sex scenes will be completely unsimulated, which, of course, means that LaBeouf will basically be getting paid to have real sex with his co-stars in front of the entire crew.

“It is what you think it is. There’s a disclaimer at the top of the script that basically says, we’re doing [the sex] for real. And anything that is ‘illegal’ will be shot in blurred images. But other than that, everything is happening,” LaBeouf said during the interview. (Via)

And here I was thinking “Alison Brie bukkake” would be the most interesting penis-related story I’d write about today. Coincidentally, “Sex for Real” was also Lars von Trier’s elementary school nickname. But only to the talking imaginary fox with the moldy eye and swastika birthmark that spoke of life as being one long, sick joke. His name: Witwicky. It all makes sense now.

Holy shit, is he just making the movie that the guys from Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia wrote in the M Night Shymalan episode, complete with Full Penetration shots? Please tell me the movie “just sorta ends” at its conclusion