August 18th, 2008

Security:

Subject:

embracing life a feeling at a time.

Time:

07:10 pm

Current Mood:

tired

Sorry for the great gap of time missing on here, as always i guess it just slips my mind to write on here and days turn into weeks then months. Though i'm not sure how many of you still read this it still serves as a tool for me to get my emotions out whether or not someone is actually reading this.

Well lets see first of all i graduated college for starters, i'm quite happy about that even though it seems i might go back and do some more studying. Which is fine for me because anything now is just to 'round out' my studies.Now the hardest part begins looking for a 'real/career' job.

I just returned from Indy and boy am i tired, i had such a fun time at Gen Con both at the convention and umm ahem "outside" lol. Nothing like downing a few drinks and 9 pitchers of beer in the span of 4 hours. I also got a chance to fully test my personal Breathalyzer blowing between 0.12-0.13 hehe.

The weekend also made me realize a few things about myself albeit in a very indirect sort of manner. In between events or moments when i was just 'spacing out' due to lack of sleep among other factors. My mind wandered and started to make sense of everything in life that has happened to me thus far.

For example i had always believed that because i've been hurt so many times that i simply stopped from feeling certain emotions. That i only really felt extremes, but when i really came to think about it. That is not true at all what i had felt wasn't an absence of feelings that i've had, but rather that it was just my instincts telling me to be more cautious where i invest those feelings.

This small but meaningful revelation has me looking at things through a whole new set of eyes. I have always been one to try and trust my instincts even if i didn't want them to be true, they have always been right. Whenever i felt like someone was off or inconsistent with a certain person it my instincts have always been right even if my heart didn't want it to be so. ::shrugs:: it's a gift and a curse i suppose lol.

In due time i'm bound to figure out what i truly want and maybe even have a girlfriend in the next couple of months? who knows lol i'll just go with the flow and see what happens...