Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Celebrate February

It's the shortest month of the year. It occurs in the dead of winter. Except for the Superbowl, the only sporting event of consequence is the publication of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue.

February has perhaps the weirdest collection of holidays of any month.

On February 2, we have Ground Hog Day, where we honor a reclusive little burrowing mammal, which, on this day, takes on the status of oracle.

February 14, Valentine's Day, is the one day of the year that creates more anxiety for men than a group prostate exam. What's so hard about Valentine's Day? Finding the right gift. The right gift is one that gets you, the guy, what you want, which is to get laid. But can the gift say that? No. The gift must say the opposite. It must profess undying love and commitment. A gift that screams, "I want to jump your bones," will get you an evening alone.

Mardi Gras this year falls in February. What do we do on Mardi Gras? We engage in all sorts of excesses and debauchery in preparation for six weeks of atonement for excesses and debauchery.

Finally, there is President's Day, which is, in my opinion, an equal to July Fourth in importance because we celebrate all US presidents, and especially George Washington, the founder of our country, and Abraham Lincoln, the preserver of our country.

February birthdays are awesome. I don't think there is another month with an all-star birthday line-up to match February's.

Let's take just two dates.

February 12 is the birthday of my granddaughter, Morgan, who is the cutest, smartest dancer in the world. It is also the birthday of two of the greatest thinkers of the world, two men of genius whose accomplishments are still being felt--Charles Darwin and Abraham Lincoln.

February 22 is my birthday. Okay, maybe that's not much, but look who else was born on this day. George Washington, Edward M. Kennedy, Robert Baden Powell, Drew Barrymore and Edna St. Vincent Millay.

Pulitzer Prize winner Edna St. Vincent Millay penned what might be the best paean to excess and debauchery.

First Fig
My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But, ah, my foes, and oh, my friends--
It gives a lovely light!

To celebrate February, I am giving away FREE electronic copies of my short story collection, Game Face. This offer expires at the end of the month, but, because this is a leap year, February has an extra day for you to take advantage of it.

8 comments:

Anonymous
said...

And up here in Canada selected provinces have a semi-bogus holiday known as Family Day (Feb 20, this year). It's basically an excuse for a day off and in Ontario was the result of a provincial election promise. Not sure how many votes it bought!