Across-the-Board (acrosstheboardblog.com)

This entertainment blog showcases crazy news, pictures, and celebrity gossip. Occasionally, I talk about my life as well. Consider it slapdash if you will, I prefer to describe my actions as... Across the Board. Updated whenever I feel like it.

Cats are always tricky little rascals...

62-year-old-woman gives birth to baby!?!

A 62-year-old woman gave birth Friday to a healthy 6-pound, 9-ounce baby boy, becoming one of the oldest women in the world to successfully bear a child.

Janise Wulf gave birth to her 12th child. She is also a grandmother of 20 and a great-grandmother of three.

Family members said the delivery went smoothly, despite earlier concerns about the mother's health. Wulf, a diabetic, experienced swelling and higher blood pressure earlier this week, prompting doctors to perform the Caesarean section a week early.

Wulf and her third husband, Scott, 48, named the red-haired boy Adam Charles Wulf. He follows just 3 1/2 years behind his older brother, Ian. "I hate to raise one alone, without a sibling," said Wulf, who was impregnated both times through in vitro fertilization.

The Guinness Book of World Records also lists two 63-year-old women who have given birth: Rosanna Della Corte of Italy in 1994 and Acheli Keh of California in 1996. Article here.

Man masturbates to 71-year-old woman at Wendy's?

Gary Bailey, has been charged with exposing himself to customers, including a child at a Wendy's restaurant. Bailey, 62, was sitting at a booth attempting to make eye contact with a 71-year-old female customer who was dining with her husband, police said.

She later saw him masturbating with his shorts unzipped after moving from her seat as she was leaving the restaurant.

The Holly Hill woman confronted Bailey about his actions and had the restaurant manager contact police. Bailey responded by tucking his exposed genitals into his pants and leaving the scene.

Police charged the long-time dirtbike course designer with a misdemeanor for lewd and lascivious conduct, and a felony for lewd and lascivious conduct in the presence of a 5-year old. He posted $10,000 bail and was released Sunday.

A little colder than usual...

Paris Hilton's lesbian sex tape...

Female First is reporting that Paris Hilton made a lesbian sex tape with a sexy Playboy model. This tape is being called the "horniest videotape of all time" and it features Paris Hilton and Nicole Lenz. Lenz has done some modeling with Playboy, but nothing to crazy. After a night of partying and drinking their brains out, the two rented a $500 a night room at the Bellagio Hotel, in Las Vegas.

Lenz told Britain's News: "The moment we were in the room Paris had only one thing on her mind - sex. We lied down on a king size bed and took it in turns to play with each other."Lenz even went into more detail saying: "We just pleasured each other for hours, recording it all. Paris had brought all manner of sex toys - to make sure we didn't miss out on anything simply because there was no man in bed with us!"

If you remember- the only reason why Paris Hilton is famous to this day is because of her original ‘dim-lit’ sex tape… she possesses no talents or career achievements what-so-ever. My guess is that this probably was a strategically planned stunt. Or not. Either way, people will want to see this… pathetic isn’t it? Source here.

Talent or stupidity?

Man vandalizes Taco John's b/c of hot sauce?

A man who vandalized a local Mexican restaurant because he thought employees put hot sauce on his tacos is being sought by police.

According to a police report, two subjects in a red 1994 GMC Jimmy ordered tacos at the drive-through around 8 p.m. Friday evening. After the two men received their food, they pulled over and parked their vehicle in the Taco John's parking lot. One of the men then entered the restaurant and began yelling at an employee for putting hot sauce on his tacos.

After the employee told the man Taco John's doesn't put hot sauce on any of its tacos, the suspect walked into the men's bathroom and cracked the back part of the toilet.

WTF? Why would the employees really care about the toilet? I mean they’ll just tell their manager to get it fixed. Sweet move dude. Hope you got your rocks off. Article here.

Don't worry, Bandit's got the wheel

You can now buy a $3,000 Martini

Would you pay three-grand for a martini? Connecticut's Foxwoods Resort Casino is offering a new signature cocktail. It's called the Sapphire martini and is made with Blue Curacao, Bombay Sapphire Gin, a splash of dry vermouth and is coated with blue sugar on the rim.But it's not the booze that makes it so expensive. Each Sapphire martini comes with a pair of custom-made blue sapphire and diamond earrings.

The casino isn't alone in offering ultra pricey drinks. The Algonquin Hotel's Blue Bar in New York offers a ten-thousand diamond martini. They've sold two since 2004.

So when I first read this article I was expecting to read that the drink was made using some ‘rare type of alcohol or juice’ that could only be found in two places on mother earth. Instead, come to find out the drink is paired with diamond earrings? WTF? Sounds to me like someone at this Casino is just a good salesman. What the hell is the correlation between the earrings and the drink? To me, that’s like combining buying coffee at Starbucks… with… I don’t know- let’s say a penis pump. That makes just as much sense to me. Hats off to the person who made this marketing decision. They’ve gained so cheap PR and are probably just trying to get rid of these diamonds from their inventory. Well done you bastards, well done. Article here.

"So is a unicorn just a horse that has one horn sticking out of its head? Oh."

"I’d rather massage a chick with pudding."

"We’re getting a cat and we’re naming it taint."

"You should send her a text message and say that you want to rub her down with
applebutter"

"Never send a girl carnations unless you want her to say, 'Crap, I got
carnations.'"

"I've decided photos of girls on boats are sexier than photos of girls on the
beach."

"I’m worried that I’m going to run out of people to ask to be friends on Facebook."

"Eat it with your hands it's tomato-saucy!"

"I hate when movies try to make food visually stimulating."

"She's been living for 16 years in KY jelly./Yeah, that can't be good on your
eyebrows"

"I think pregnant ladies are scary"

"I think we should wait till it's late./When we get back it will be late./Exactly"

"The party is at Jerry's Bait Shop! OH-OH"

"I can't, I have to start studying for a final I have in two days... and I haven't even
taken the book out of the saran wrap."

"I don’t have to ask her for permission, I just have to persuade her to let me."

"You should have paddled him with your penis at his wedding!"

"Jeez-la-weez!"/Did you really just say Jeez-la-weez?"

"Listen here bucko!/Did you really just say bucko?"

"[Ramsey barges into Paul’s house and interrupts a group of people watching a serious
movie with the lights dimmed], “Paul you’re such a damn liar, and you smell like ham” –
Drunk Ramsey after the Rascal Flatts concert

"(calling me from the casino buffet) Dude -- quit screen your calls, I wanted to tell
you about the crazy amount of food I ate, I seriously, you’re probably going to think this
is an exaggeration but it’s not. [excited] I ate two steaks, probably about 35 shrimp, a
thing of carved turkey, a baked potato crab, a crab rangoon, some fried rice, two rolls, and
a teeny piece of pie at the end. Fucking most food I’ve ever eaten -- this place is fuckin’
[short pause] we have got to start coming here on Thursdays! Anyways, I’ll be home in a
little bit, later bye."

"Birth control is the best invention ever... [pause], so are condoms"

"So I've been thinking of taking up smoking as a hobby..."

"You would of been funny in the 80's"

"I wonder what T.J. Ford is up to?"

"You made out with him because you wanted to feel his suede jacket? That's awesome."