The latest story about two bisexual dudes who like to dress up as Furries and plot to kill one’s parents while dreaming of having their cocks bitten off brought to you courtesy of the Lancashire Evening Post in the UK:

Christopher Monks, 24, wanted Shaun Skarnes to murder his parents Christopher and Elizabeth Monks while they slept and then perform an extreme sex act on him, Preston Crown Court was told.

The bisexual pair are alleged to have hatched the plot after meeting on an internet site about “Furries” – people who pretend to be animal characters and share sexual role-playing fantasies.

Mr Watson said Monks had talked about his sexual desire for his penis to be bitten off in online chatroom discussions.

He told the jury: “It may seem extreme that he wanted his penis bitten off, but there is ample evidence from websites he visited and conversations with Shaun Skarnes that this was a deeply held interest and one he found sexually stimulating.

Dude, what the fuck!? Overlooking the bisexual “Furriness” of this story and pushing past the fact that this kid wanted to murder his adoptive parents, let’s get right to the real point: why in the hell would you want some dude to bite your dick off? Please, somebody feel free to comment on this post and take a shot at explaining this one to me, because I am completely lost. You want to get dressed up like a gopher and beat off onto another guy dressed like a squirrel – hey, that’s great. Good for you…definitely a little fucked up…but good for you. You want to have your parents killed – again, fucked up and probably not the best route to take – but it’s been done before. Now, you want to have your manmeat bitten off as part of a sexual fantasy??? That’s just plain fucking weird and you need some help…but lucky for you, Randy will oblige!

BBC News – A former prison officer was forced out of her job after being bullied because she was pretty, a tribunal has heard.

Amitjo Kajla, 27, is claiming constructive dismissal after leaving her job in Brinsford Young Offenders’ Institution near Wolverhampton.

However former colleagues questioned her behaviour with male inmates and suggested she chose to reject advice about the dress code.

Is it just me, or is this chick sexy as hell? Give her a pair of handcuffs and have her throw some of that UK accent my way and she’s got ALL of my attention. But seriously though, I call shenanigans on this whole operation. Why would a 27 year-old girl who looks like this go into the business of being a prison officer? My guess here is that she’s got a thing for bad boys, which is why she is accused of ignoring the dress code and giving out her address. She probably figured that if the prison fired her while she was trying to bang an inmate, she could always fall back on the old “they fired me for being too pretty” excuse and land a paycheck in the process. Well, if she wants to get paid for banging bad boys I can only hope she stars in the next installment of “Jail Bait”.