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Live Football Round-Up

With recent form in
mind, it seemed last night’s clash between Manchester United and Crystal Palace
would be a case of Unstoppable Bores Vs Immovable Objects. Thankfully, both
teams were equally incapable of maintaining possession for more than three
passes at a time, allowing the game to gloriously capitulate into a 100mph
Premier League barnstormer.

Paul Pogbais licensed by CC 2.0

After going 2-0 down
to goals from Andros Townsend and Patrick Van Aanholt, United rolled back the
years to complete a 3-2 comeback, capped by a stunning 92nd minute winner from
Nemanja Matic. Television viewers were treated to Gary Neville unleashing his
customary half-time venom in Paul Pogba’s direction at the break, G-Nev
claiming Pogba treats playing for United as “an instagram or youtube video.”

You can watch Manchester United vs Liverpool
(Premier League), live at Topgolf on 10/03/2018 from 12:00.

Poor, angry Gary. It
was only a day earlier he presided over Manchester City’s 1-0 win over Chelsea
with gritted teeth, as Chelsea refused to engage City with any real attempt to
win the ball. Neville has since declared
he “went silent for two or three minutes” during commentary to “reflect on what
I was seeing,” thanks to an “embarrassing” performance from Chelsea.

We went silent while
watching too, but that was because we fell asleep. Jamie Redknapp wasn’t so
taken with Chelsea’s lullaby football however, and clearly under the influence
of Red Nev’s recent outburst against Aaron Ramsey, claimed Chelsea’s tactics
were “a crime against football.” First, it should be illegal to walk on a
football pitch, now getting ten men behind the ball is a criminal offence.

You can watch Chelsea vs Crystal Palace
(Premier League), live at Topgolf on 10/03/2018 from 17:30.

Who knows what the punditry
police thought of Mesut Ozil throwing his gloves off in a huff after Arsenal
went 0-2 down against Brighton on
Saturday? At first, it appeared Ozil was declaring enough was enough, the
gloves were off, he was about to roll up his sleeves and and drag Arsenal back
into the game, etc. etc.

Mesut Ozil by Ronnie Macdonald is licensed by CC 2.0

Alas, Ozil appeared
for the second half with a fresh pair of toasty mittens to keep his soft,
little hands warm. Neville would probably like to see him charged with
littering, or perhaps arrested and tried for lacking a fighting mentality.
Arsenal lost 2-1 in the end, as Glen Murray scored his sixth goal in six games,
in Brighton’s first win against the top six this season.

You can watch mitten-wearing Mesut take on AC
Milan in the Europa League, live at Topgolf on 08/03/2018 from 18:00.