I hate to say this, but I strongly recommend that you keep meticulous records of all the bills you receive in a spreadsheet (code #, date rec’d, date paid, date routed). Thee paperwork can be more painful than the surgery, and the hospital billing department WILL get things wrong…often.

There could very easily have been 6 movies, each at 4 hours long, if the money and time had been there — I mean, look at all the extras for each special edition! That doesn’t mean they would have been GOOD movies, mind you.

By the way, for me it’s for the Elves in the battle of Hlem’s Deep. For Pete’s sake, when he couldn’t have done without the Elves, why did the host of few hundred LIGHTFOOTED Elves thump like a German division on a parade? ;)

Since you aren’t busy, Shamus (tee hee), can you make us a game whereby we shoot multiple arrows into Corsair Jackson, one for each affront we’ve taken at his (in our not so humble opinions) LotR mis-steps?

Let’s see:
This is for Bombadil!
This is for Faramir!
THIS is for Frodo sending Sam away!
THIS IS FOR FRODO CLINGING TO THE LEDGE BY ONE HAND, YET HANGING ON FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES ONCE GOLLUM FALLS INTO THE CRACKS OF DOOM!!!!!

Shamus, best wishes on your recovery, and thanks for even bothering to post something for your humor-hungry fans while out sick. As much as we enjoy this stuff, it’s not worth risking your health, so don’t feel obligated to continue if you’re having trouble, we’ll understand. We’ll probably be chomping at the bit for more as soon as you get better, but we’ll understand ;)

“I don’t care about Tom Bombadil half as much as the way he mucked around with Faramir!”

Agreed. That was absolute slander.

“There could very easily have been 6 movies, each at 4 hours long, if the money and time had been there — I mean, look at all the extras for each special edition! That doesn’t mean they would have been GOOD movies, mind you.”

Well, Tolkien divided each of his 3 volumes into 2 “books”, so LOTR is actually comprised of books 1-6, so 6 movies would actually fit more with Tolkien’s original work. But can you imagine trying to watch them all at once?

Actually, of all the changes Jackson made, the one that irks me the most, easily, is the one that I can’t come up with any reason for. (Note that I do not AGREE with all of these reasons, and some are more reasonable than others.)

-The changes to Faramir can be explained by the need to show the audience the awesome corrupting power of the One Ring, AND to show the price Faramir was willing to pay to let them go – that is, it may have been an attempt to portray the same character through a different media

-Leaving out Tom: time savings – he really didn’t do much for the story (sorry, the truth hurts)

-Leaving out the conspriacy among the other Hobbits (Sam, Merry & Pippin): ditto. Nifty, but unnecessary.

-Denethor: easier to portray him as nuts than deal with introducing another Palatir, etc

-Oliphants at the battle of Minas Tirith (and other changes to the battle): yay, CGI pretties. The results of the battle were correct, OK?

I could go on. The one I simply can’t wrap my mind around:

The ENTS.

Seriously, they haven’t noticed the thousands of clear-cut acres? They’re willing to walk to their (they believe) doom over it, and they all just happen to be RIGHT THERE, but they hadn’t noticed?!?

-the Razing of the Shire: Happens after all the other action, takes too long to be tacked on to the end, can’t possibly go in it’s own movie… That’s one of the decisions I actually agree with (not that I like it as a fan, but that I could see myself actually making the same decision if faced with the material).

Yay, Jackson-bashing!
Here’s my pet peeve: Making Saruman responsible for the Caradhras snowstorm. (Yes, it was discussed as a possibility by Gandalf and Aragorn, but finally dismissed.) Why do I care? Tolkien is all about world texture. The rest of the world exists outside the Sauron war, threatening as that is. Caradhras has its own reasons to dislike trespassers, and it’s fine that way. Attributing the snowstorm to Saruman’s intervention reduces the whole thing to a manichean conflict, and simplifies the world greatly. It’s a minor thing but representative of a lot of what happened in the movie. (Conversely the Ent’s initial disinterest is for the wrong reasons. But I digress.)
Anyway… Good luck with the operation as well.
Cheers

Hobbits bouncing on the bed ! Hate that.
Also Arragorn singing.
And the fact that when issuing the challenge at the gates of Mordor Arragorn suddenly develops an Irish accent.
And Faramir proving he is the worlds most incompetent tactician when the Orcs cross the river.

Since We’re all on a Peter Jackson-Bashing kick, I want to aim a few arrows too!

What bothered me was not so much the leaving out of various people, or cutting off of certain important ending bits. LoTR is a very, very long book, and I can understand that they can’t fit in all the appendices and whatnot. So I can accept that.

What I can’t accept is the complete and total removal of the character’s dignity.

He took away the Ents’ dignity by having Merry and Pippin trick them. He took Faramir’s dignity away by turning him into his brother. He Took Theoden’s dignity away by forcing Gandalf to Save him rather than allowing him his own reclamation. Gimli, and even Legolas was reduced to cheap shots, one liners and special effects, with hardly any acknowledgement of who they are as people.

And oh my God, what he did to Denethor! How hard would it have been, even leaving out the extra palantir, to give Denethor an honorable death? It could have done almost exactly the same as in the book, with Denethor asking about his son, and then choosing to remain on the pyre, and Gandalf could have delivered his line as the flames rose higher, obscuring him from view?

He even takes away Frodo’s dignity, forcing him to squabble over the ring like that. And Sam would never have left Frodo, no matter what stupid trick Gollum played. He would have followed along fifty feet behind, waiting until Frodo needed him. That’s just who he was.

In fact, the only character he doesn’t emasculate in some fashion is Boromir, and that’s because he died before PJ could think of a way to taint him somehow.

Thanks for giving us some funny while you recover. I had my gallbladder out, it wasn’t fun but it only took about a week to recover. You should avoid greasy foods from now on; your stomach won’t like them anymore.

I knew Bombadil wouldn’t be in it. My problem was the unneccessary changes to the story. Or even things like Elves at Helm’s Deep, that was fine, though it would have been better if they were the Grey Company instead (Aragorn’s Dunadan ranger followers)

Faramir giving in to the temptation of the ring for even a moment. (never does in the book, as soon as he knows they have the ring, they tell him their task and he lets them go…with help and advice)

Gandalf and Theoden’s positions reversed (in the book, Theoden wanted to ride out to meet the orcs of Saruman in open battle and Gandalf told him to go to Helm’s Deep)

Aragorn’s overwhelming reluctance to accept his destiny. I especially don’t like the fact that he never confronted
Sauron through the Palantir…I SOOO wanted to see the scene where the lidded eye fled before the image of Isildur that overlayed Aragorn. It is like one of the first major indications of Sauron’s fear and he completely cut it out.

The disrespect that the Rohirrim were showing Merry as a fighter. In the book, he and Pippin had already taken more than there share of orcs in both the battle where they were captured and at Isengard. When they were captured, they took several of the orcs out in melee. In the book, there is no doubt in the Rohirrim’s mind that Merry could fight better than most of their soldiers (if not as well as Eoden and Theoden). However, Merry can’t ride a horse, ponies can’t keep up and they couldn’t risk over tiring a horse or shorting a warrior supplies to carry him. Eowyn, weighing several pounds less than the average Rohirrim male, made that problem a lot easier to get around.

But, by far, the most annoying rewrite of the entire movie was the manner of the Ring’s destruction.

In the book, the Ring’s destruction is probably one of the most elegant and extended metaphors I have ever seen.

Just taking the last piece of the story, I’ll explain what I mean.

On their way up the steps of Mount Doom, Frodo and Sam are attacked by the Gollum and throw him off. Before Frodo continues on his walk, he grips the Ring and channels its power, appearing more terrible and lord-like for a moment. At this moment, he lays down the following doom on the Gollum.

“If you touch me ever again, you shall be cast yourself into the Cracks of Doom.”

Later, as Frodo is taken over by the Ring, Gollum appears and bites it off of Frodo, freeing Baggins and getting the Ring in one fell swoop. Now, what happens as he dances around calling out “My precious” almost immediately afterward?

He falls, or else a piece of rock slips under him and he trips. In either case:

He’s cast…

Into where?

…into the Cracks of Doom.

The instance is one of the best techniques I’ve seen to show that evil is, in the long-run, self-destructive.

Frodo himself mentions at some point that if it weren’t for Gollum, he’d never have succeeded. But now let’s go further.

Gollum likely wouldn’t have fallen if the Command of the Ring hadn’t been on him.

The Command of the Ring wouldn’t have been able to affect him if he had not been corrupted by it.

As such, the Ring has, itself, crafted the tool for its own destruction.

Similarly, Sauron crafted the Ring, which is, in and of itself, the eventual cause of his own defeat and destruction.

In both cases, the evil chose to craft something to meet its short term goals (Sauron – remain in Middle Earth…the Ring – get back to Sauron) but which rendered their long term goals (survival) highly vulnerable.

It was a very, very, very graceful and poignant construction.

And what does Jackson do?

He has Frodo push Gollum….

bleh

The only good part about it is that they then had the Ring’s destruction not so much tied to the lava, but rather to Frodo turning away from it and stop desiring it.

However, Jackson hadn’t been leading up to that so much at all. Not the way that Tolkien does through the entire book and the entire Silmarillion for that matter.

So, Jackson sacrificed one of the most central and sublimely displayed metaphors of the book and replaced it with a Hollywood cliffhanger…