Criticized, ignored, intimidated, undermined, never recognized? Could be
bullying ... read this

Myths and misperceptions about workplace bullyingOvercoming stereotypes and false perceptions of adult bullying
and workplace bullyingSee also myths, misperceptions and stereotypes of
child bullying and school bullying.

A myriad of myths, misperceptions, falsehoods and legends surround the subject of bullying.
Studies, surveys and some academic research over the last few years have tended to perpetuate false
stereotypes, however, these are often the result of notoriously unreliable self-reporting tick-sheet surveys
and are rarely based on experience of case work or involvement with cases.

What some people call "bullying" is really tough dynamic management
The purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy. Good managers manage, bad
managers bully. Bullies bully to hide their
weakness and inadequacy, and to divert attention away from their incompetence.
Many employers don't want to calculate the cost of low morale, poor
productivity, poor customer service, high sickness absence, high staff turnover
and frequent grievance and legal action that are a consequence of "tough
dynamic management".

Bullies don't bully, they're just being assertive
People who bully are unable to distinguish between assertiveness and aggression
and when challenged will speciously claim to be "assertive".
Assertiveness, which is backed by integrity, recognises and respects peoples'
boundaries and values, any request is polite and unconditional and there are no
negative consequences if the person being asked says no. Bullies, who have no
integrity, are aggressive, demanding, and regularly violate others' boundaries;
aggression does not respect peoples' rights, and requests come with a negative
consequence if the course of action demanded by the bully is declined.

Victim
I prefer the word "target". The word "victim" allows
disingenuous people to tap into and stimulate other people's misconceptions and
prejudices of victimhood which include the inference that the person was somehow
complicit in the abuse. "Target" identifies the choice of the bully
to be a bully rather than the misfortune of the target to unwittingly become the latest
casualty of the violence of a disordered, dysfunctional, aggressive bully. To understand
how and why bullies select their targets, click
here.

Victims contribute to the bullyingWhen held accountable, abusers, molesters, harassers, bullies and violent people
abdicate and deny responsibility for their actions by blaming their victim. The
"blame-the-victim" misperception is part of the same mindset that
says that women who are raped were asking for it or giving off
the wrong signals, that wives who experience domestic violence are
deserving of it and colluding with it, and children who are sexually abused are
partly responsible for the abuse perpetrated against them. Abusers, harassers,
bullies and violent people seem possessed of an army of supporters, apologists,
appeasers, acolytes, protectors and deniers, and appreciate all forms of support which mitigate their crime.

But surely victims must do something to invite the bullying?
Children who are abused by pedophiles do not invite the abuse, women who are
raped do not invite the rape, black people do not invite harassment and
discrimination because of their skin colour, gay people do not invite harassment
and discrimination because of their sexual orientation, and targets of bullying do
not invite abuse at work simply because they are available. The six most common
reasons bullies select their targets are because of availability (wrong place,
wrong time), competence (envy), popularity (jealousy), vulnerability (income and
the need to pay the mortgage), emotional maturity and values, and integrity.
Targets represent everything that bullies are not, and never will be.

It takes two to tango
Abusers choose to abuse, molesters choose to molest, rapists choose to rape,
harassers choose to harass, bullies choose to bully. Bullying is behaviour, and
behaviour is a choice, therefore bullying is a choice - a bad choice, but a
choice. Abdication of responsibility for personal choice is a hallmark of
bullies. Either a person knows what they are doing and is responsible for their behaviour and its consequences
for others, or the person is unaware of what they are doing and therefore have diminished responsibility and
are in need of psychiatric help. Bullying is in the same
league as abuse, molestation, rape, paedophilia and harassment; sadly there are
still some people who think that targets of these vile activities are partly
responsible for the abuse perpetrated against them.

Victims are weak and inadequateIt is always the bully who is weak and inadequate. Bullies resort to
labelling others as "weak" and "unstable" in order to appear
"normal" in comparison. Normal people don't need to
bully; only weak people need to bully to hide their weakness and inadequacy.
Therefore anyone who is exhibiting bullying behaviours is revealing and
admitting to being weak and inadequate.

Victims are weakTargets of bullying have no interest in power or exercising power. They go
to work to work and they are not interested in office politics or conflict.
Targets of bullying have high moral values, a well-developed integrity, a vulnerability (eg need to pay the
mortgage), a strong sense of fair play and reasonableness, a low propensity to violence,
a reluctance to pursue grievance, disciplinary or legal action, a strong
forgiving streak and a
mature understanding of the need to resolve conflict with dialogue. Weak people
disingenuously confuse these hallmarks of character with weakness. Targets of bullying will
withstand daily abuse for months, often years, but the first time a bully gets a
taste of their own medicine they immediately run whingeing to authority
demanding protection. That's weakness.

Victims are loners
Targets of bullying are independent, self-reliant, self-motivated, have no need to form
gangs or join cliques, have no need to impress, and have no interest in office politics.

Victims are not team players
Targets of bullying are not corporate clones and drones. They are independent,
self-reliant, self-motivated, imaginative, innovative, and full of ideas.
Bullies operate a divide and rule regime and work hard to isolate, exclude and disempower
their target who they then falsely accuse of "not being a team player".

Victims are isolated
This is a correct observation; bullies isolate their targets in order to
disempower them. It's a tactic of control used by all abusers.

Victims are sensitive / oversensitive
Sensitivity comprises a constellation of values to be cherished and
nurtured, including empathy, respect, tolerance, dignity, honour, consideration and gentility.
Anyone who is not sensitive is insensitive.
Targets have an instinctive ability to detect malicious intent which is often
labelled by those who lack this ability as "being oversensitive". Bullies are callously insensitive and indifferent to the needs of
others and when called upon to share or address the needs and concerns of others
respond with impatience, irritability and aggression.

Victims are too weak to stand up for themselvesTargets of bullying are high-performing employees who go to work to work.
They do not go to work with the intention of indulging in conflict. Bullies
select individuals who prefer to use dialogue to resolve conflict, who have a
low propensity to violence, and who will go to great lengths to avoid
conflict - in other words, someone who will constantly try to use negotiation rather than
resorting to grievance and legal action. When a bully is held accountable, these
qualities are disingenuously described by weak people as weakness.

Why can't victims deal with bullying? They're grown-ups, aren't they?
From working on and liaising with over 10,000 cases of workplace bullying I am
constantly amazed at the resourcefulness, innovativeness, flexibility, determination and stamina shown by
targets of abuse. The turning point in each case comes when the target finally
realises they're not dealing with a normal human being like themselves, but with
a dysfunctional, disordered individual who exploits a system which favours
perpetrators who excel in deceiving HR and management.

Victims are unstable and unhealthyIt is bullies who are unstable and unhealthy. People who observe targets as
unstable are recognising the destabilising effect of psychiatric injury although
the observers have not understood psychiatric injury or the circumstances which result in
psychiatric injury. Some researchers have observed destabilisation,
hypervigilance etc and made the incorrect assumption that these are personality
traits which existed prior to the bullying. False assumptions like this are bad
science, disrespectful, insensitive and offensive. It's like seeing someone with a
broken leg and making the assumption they must have been born with weak bones.

Victims can't defend themselvesProlonged negative stress results in trauma which inhibits articulation.
People who blame targets of bullying for not being able to express themselves in
an articulate manner are revealing their lack of empathy and their lack of
knowledge of trauma and its effects. Many bullies are serial
bullies with disordered personalities (including sub-clinical
psychopaths) who excel at manipulation, deception,
compulsive lying and a host of antisocial behaviours. It is almost impossible to
defend yourself against a determined psychopath - who comprise at least 1% of
the population.

Targets aren't really bullied / harassed - they're only in it for the money
Seeking legal recourse is very expensive both financially and emotionally.
Sensational "awards" that are published in the media are rare and when
personal injury is involved, are based on (less than) what the person
would have earned had they stayed in their job till retirement. A bullying case
which ends up in a personal injury case typically consumes ten years of a
person's life. Targets have a much harder time finding employment afterward
(especially if they're over 40) - and even if they do find employment they end up
working at a lower position with lower salary. In rare cases where the employer
sacks a serial bully, the bully feigns victimhood and sues the employer for as
much as they can get.

Targets are only interested in compensation
If a person appears motivated by compensation then it's likely to be not a
target of bullying but a serial bully who is feigning victimhood having been
called to account. Serial
bullies are notoriously vindictive and when held accountable by an employer
will instinctively launch a legal action to aggressively claim their rights - whilst denying everyone else their rights.

Victims of bullying are always suing employers
The target is placed in the position by the bully of having no option but to
take their employer to tribunal or court. In the majority of cases, this is the
first time the target has ever been involved in legal action, and their
unfamiliarity with the legal system is a vulnerability that bullies and abusive
employers exploit.

You shouldn't sue for bullying because it prolongs victimhood
Bullying is in the same league as domestic violence, sexual harassment, rape and
paedophilia. Bullies at work are likely to be committing at least
one of these
offences outside work. Prosecuting the perpetrators and holding accountable
those who have failed in their duty of care is very different to
"prolonging victimhood". Whilst there will always be a few people who
abuse the law of tort for personal gain, it is disingenuous to confuse this
small minority (who may themselves be bullies feigning victimhood) with the
majority of genuine cases. "Victimhood" should not be used as a
smokescreen for evasion of accountability.

Targets are just whiners who can't get along with people
Targets are targeted because they are competent and popular. Bullies are jealous
of the easy and stable relationships that targets have with others. Jealousy and
envy seem to be the conduits for the release of the seething inner anger, hatred
and resentment that bullies harbour.

Why do targets go after their employers too?
In the workplace, the employer bears the vicarious liability caused by the
bully's behaviour. Employers owe each employee a duty of care. Employment law is
framed around the employee holding the employer responsible. No-one (unless
they're a war correspondent or work for the MoD) signs a
contract agreeing to work in a war zone. [Bullied
workers suffer battle stress]

If a target is truly bullied then why don't more employers side with the target?
Employers eliminate the target because they (employers) have failed to fulfil
their legal duty and provide their employees with a safe work environment.
Employers will do anything to avoid accountability and having to pay damages.
Many organisations, especially in the public
sector, have a bottomless purse
when it comes to defending legal action for negligence. The purpose of bullying
is to hide incompetence and most bullying is hierarchical. The bullying that one
sees or experiences is usually the tip of an iceberg of wrongdoing
(contact
us for details). Also,
employers are more scared of serial bullies than they are of targets, therefore
it's easier, cheaper and less risky to get rid of the target; by the time the
employer gets to hear of the bullying case against them, the target is probably
traumatised, suffering a severe psychiatric injury, facing loss of job and
income, and may not have union or legal support; therefore the employer is much
more likely to win their case against a target than against a resentful,
determined and
vindictive serial bully.

Trade unions exist to protect their membersWhilst trade unions have achieved much for workers over the years, the
Number One complaint of people contacting the UK National Workplace Bullying
Advice Line and Bully OnLine (and other support groups) is that their trade
union is refusing to support them in their case of bullying. See bullying
in the public sector for the reasons why.

It's a personality clash
A personality clash is where two people of equal rank or status or value or power
don't see eye to eye. Bullying consists of a pattern of persistent, daily,
trivial, nitpicking criticism, isolation, exclusion, undermining, discrediting,
setting up to fail, etc on a target who the bully has disempowered and
disenfranchised. HR departments frequently write off bullying as a
"personality clash", much to the delight of the bully who is always
trying to heap all the blame onto their target.

There's a fine line between bullying and tough management
I've never heard anyone say "there's a fine line between a normal
relationship and sexual harassment" or "there's a fine line between
marriage and domestic violence" or "there's a fine line between great
sex and rape" or "there's a fine line between
sex education and pedophilia". Bullying (by a serial
bully) and managing have as much in common as Adolf Hitler and Mother
Theresa. The objectives of the serial bully are power, control domination and
subjugation, achieved largely through manipulation, deception and abuse of
power; "management" is a convenient cover for the serial bully's
disordered, dysfunctional and always destructive behaviour.

You'll never be able to prove bullying
The same argument was put forward before the introduction of laws on sexual
harassment and race discrimination. The solution is education; you can only
never prove what you don't understand.

We mustn't bully the bully
Targets of bullying withstand a verbal, emotional and psychological battering
for months, often years. By contrast, the first time the bully gets a taste of
their own medicine they run whingeing to authority demanding protection. When called
to account for the way they choose to behave, bullies use a variety of
strategies to evade accountability. Denial,
counterattack and feigning victimhood are common. One tactic is to claim that
"you mustn't bully the bully", a disingenuous and deceptive attempt to
confuse bullying (a pattern of constant daily, trivial, nitpicking criticism,
isolation, exclusion, undermining, etc over months or years) with accountability
(holding the bully responsible for their behaviour and its effect on others).
Those in positions of authority and with responsibility for people management are notoriously vulnerable
to this deception.

You mustn't demonize the bully
Your behaviour profiles are a character assassination of the bully
The behaviour profiles are the result of long-term observation of the behaviour
of serial bullies. I am only the messenger. As bullies have free choice over
their behaviour (if not, they have diminished responsibility and need to be
under the care of a psychiatrist) then serial bullies are choosing to
demonize themselves or assassinate their own character by their choice of
behaviour.

Your behaviour profiles serve only to vilify bullies
I observe bullies' behaviour and report it; I am only the messenger.
Bullying is behaviour, behaviour is choice, therefore bullying is a choice. A
rapist deserves to be called a rapist because of their choice to commit rape. A
pedophile deserves to be called a pedophile because of their choice to commit
acts of pedophilia. A bully deserves to be called a bully because of their
choice to exhibit bullying behaviours. Normal people do not choose to bully. All a bully needs to
do to no longer merit the label "bully" is to change their behaviour
and stop bullying. It really is that simple.

Bullies have high self-esteemBullies exhibit arrogance, narcissism, plausibility, certitude,
self-assuredness, selfishness, untouchability,
a sense of invulnerability and an unerring belief in their rightness and infallibility. Bullies also excel at deception and evasion of
accountability. Some people mistake these for high self-esteem, which they are
not. People with high self-esteem manifest their high self-esteem in having only
positive interactions with others. Bullies have only negative interactions with
others; negative interactions are a hallmark of low self-esteem. Bullies are motivated by jealousy,
envy and prejudice which are indicators of low
self-esteem. Bullying is the antithesis of high self-esteem. People with high self-esteem have no need to
bully.

The notion that the workplace is full of psychotic bullies is preposterous
Firstly, the number of bullies in any workplace is always small (sometimes only
one) but their influence is disproportionately large and their negative
behaviour can spread through the entire organisation like a cancer. Bullies
excel at deception and manipulation and are adept at co-opting others in their
defence. Secondly, bullies are not psychotic. A psychotic person is unable
to differentiate between reality and delusion and is mentally ill. Bullies have
a clear understanding of the difference between right and wrong but consciously
choose to not conform to socially acceptable standards of behaviour. When held
accountable, bullies consciously use deception to abdicate and deny personal
responsibility for their actions and the consequences of their behaviour for
others. Bullies are sane in every sense of the medico-legal definition of the
word.

Bullies are nice people really, they're just under a lot of pressureAbusers, violent partners, harassers, rapists, molesters and pedophiles are
also nice people really, it's just that they're under a lot of pressure. Lack of
knowledge of, refusal to recognise, and outright denial of the existence of the
serial bully are the most common reasons for an unsatisfactory outcome for
employees and employers. When a serial bully is present, many people join in
with the bullying, either wittingly or unwittingly. Some of these minor bullies
may be nice people under pressure, but they are not the source of the bullying.
One needs to look further.

There's no such thing as a "difficult person"
Over 90% of Advice line cases involve a serial
bully with a disordered personality who has a history of conflict (including
manipulation, lying, deception etc) with everyone. In
every case it is the lack of knowledge of, or the unwillingness to
recognise, or the denial of the existence of the serial bully which is the most
common reason for an unsatisfactory outcome for both the employee and employer.

Bullying is more than just a serial bullyThe serial bully is present in over 90% of the
10,000+ cases reported to the
UK National Workplace Bullying Advice Line and Bully OnLine. Denial of the
existence of the serial bully is the most common reason for an unsatisfactory
outcome for both employees and employers. Serial bullies excel at deception and
a surprising number of people are easily fooled by not having the emotional maturity,
the experience and depth of
perception to see through the deception and see behind the mask. If a serial bully is not present, it's
probably not bullying you're dealing with. As the issue of bullying becomes more
prominent, some people are jumping on the bandwagon and using the label
"bullying" for any type of behaviour they see; in these cases it may
be more appropriate to use terms such as "change management",
"time management", "performance management",
"organisational development", etc. There may be some bullying behaviours
present but they are not what is meant by "workplace bullying".

Female bullies bully because they're under more pressure than men to succeed
A female serial bully, like all serial bullies, bullies because she chooses to
bully. Bullying is behaviour, and behaviour is choice. Whilst women may face
more pressures and demands at senior levels, the most successful females are not
bullies - they get there because of their integrity, ability to plan and
organise, and achieve. Bullies are non-achievers. The view that women must
become bullies to succeed is insulting and offensive to the majority of women
who succeed on hard work, persistence and skill.

Victims have problems with people in authority
This is one of the tactics that bullies and abusive employers use. They claim
that the target who is busy exposing incompetence, negligence etc has "a
problem with authority". Some less-than-competent mental health
professionals claim this too.
The truth is that targets have an uncanny knack of spotting fakes, fraudsters
and weak, inadequate and incompetent people abusing their position of
power; said incompetents also have an uncanny knack of being able to spot who
can see through them. Targets of bullying are accountability-focused so they must be
ruthlessly controlled, and if this doesn't work, they must be eliminated by
all means possible. Labelling whistleblowers and targets of bullying (who have
often unwittingly blown the whistle on a number of antisocial activities) as
mentally ill is a tactic often used by abusive employers to deny responsibility
and evade accountability. [More
| More]

Victims are suffering from learned helplessness
Only about 2% of people reporting their case to the UK National Workplace Bullying Advice
Line exhibit any symptoms of learned helplessness. Over 90% of cases involve
a target who has exhausted all possible means of resolution but who has only
just realised that they are dealing with an individual exhibiting a disordered
personality with whom it is not possible to negotiate or mediate. The moral
courage of targets is demonstrated by their ability to withstand abuse for
months, and sometimes years, but still remain determined to resolve the conflict;
by contrast, bullies run whingeing to authority demanding protection the first time
they are faced with accountability. When people use the term "learned
helplessness" they are often seeing the symptoms of trauma resulting from
prolonged negative stress (which includes confusion, bewilderment and
incoherency) but wrongly assuming that these symptoms were character traits
present before the abuse, which they were not.

There's no such thing as the serial bully
Denial of the existence of the serial bully is the most common reason for an
unsatisfactory outcome for employees and employers. The world is full of
deniers. There are those who deny that the earth is round, those who deny the
Holocaust, and those who deny the existence of the serial bully. Denial of the
existence of the serial bully also serves to
discredit the bully's accuser. Serial bullies always try to discredit anyone who can
help others see through the bully's mask of normality. By some strange
coincidence, those who most vehemently deny the existence of the serial bully
are those whose own behaviour most closely matches the profile at
serial.htm

Victims who are bullied at school are more likely to be bullied at work
The reason people get bullied at school and again work is because
they retain the same qualities
throughout life - qualities which bullies despise and respond to with aggression.

Victims were abused in childhood and have unresolved issues from this
From dealing with over 10,000 cases, the number of
targets of bullying who were abused as a child is similar to what you would expect
to find in any random sample of the population. People are not bullied because
of unresolved issues, they are bullied because they are in the wrong place at
the wrong time, they have many personal
qualities that bullies like to exploit, and an aggressive, dysfunctional,
disordered person chose to exhibit sustained psychological and emotional
violence towards them. This myth is mutually exclusive to the belief that
"bullies bully because they were abused in childhood".

Targets of bullying who experienced bullying or abuse in childhood are more likely to
suffer from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), social anxiety disorder, clinical
depression, etc.
This may be true in some cases but is not true in every case. A small percentage of cases show predisposition to retraumatisation because of unresolved trauma
in childhood, but this is because there are few diagnostic facilities and even fewer
treatment opportunities. PTSD is a psychiatric injury and predisposition to
psychiatric injury is the same as predisposition to physical injury. If you
break your leg it is because the force applied to your leg is greater than the
structural integrity of the bone, not because you fell and banged your knee in
the playground thirty years ago. If you suffer a psychiatric injury as an
adult it is because the severity and length of abuse is greater than humans
are designed to withstand, not because of bullying at school or
abuse in childhood.
An interesting observation to come out of studying PTSD is that the one sector
of the population that does not develop PTSD is psychopaths.
The two problems with bullying are that a) bullies are rarely held to
account and are often encouraged by being protected, supported and promoted, and b) we
don't teach people how to stand up to dysfunctional disordered aggressors
whose sole intent is violence (physical, psychological, emotional etc). I believe lessons
in physical, psychological, emotional and verbal self-defence should be on the
National Curriculum.

You can't get PTSD from bullying
Those who promote this view are out of touch with both reality and
research. This view is also offensive to those who suffer PTSD as a result of
bullying (and harassment, stalking, domestic violence, abuse, etc). See denial
above. The late
Professor Heinz Leymann established the link between bullying and psychiatric
injury (PTSD) in the 1980s and his research and experience is available on his
web site. The European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology
(EJWOP), 1996, 5(2), devoted a whole issue to bullying and its effects, including PTSD.
New research is also confirming what targets of abuse have always known: bullying
causes PTSD.

Bullies bully because they were abused as children
Bullies do not bully because
they were abused in childhood, although bullies are adept at claiming this as a way of mitigating
their crime and diverting attention away from their failure to accept
responsibility for their behaviour. Many adults and professionals are deceived by
this specious excuse. A large percentage of the population are
abused as children (perhaps as many as 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6
boys), but only a small number choose to become bullies in adulthood. Most abused children
do not become bullies. Therefore,
whilst abuse in childhood may be a factor in bullying, it is not a cause,
otherwise every child who was abused would become a bully. It is the choice of
the bully to bully. A bad choice, but a choice nevertheless. This myth is
mutually exclusive to the myth that "people become victims because they
were abused in childhood".

Bullies are being bullied
Some minor bullies may be being bullied because of the enormous pressure they
are under, however, all bullying has to start somewhere and most bullying starts
with a serial bully
who is the source of bullying. This individual's bullying behaviour can spread
through an organisation like a cancer.

Bullies should be included in support groups because they're victims too
Serial bullies with any of the profiles at serial.htm
are not victims as they are adults with a free choice over the way they behave.
The caring and voluntary sectors are rife with serial bullies who find the
endless supply of vulnerable clients and vulnerable workers irresistible. Many
people in the caring professions have vulnerabilities (developed from suffering
their own pain) which provide them with the high levels of empathy necessary for
specialist client care; these vulnerabilities also mean that such people are
ripe for control, manipulation and punishment which are favourite pursuits of
the serial bully. If a serial bully infiltrates a support group, the group will
divide, polarise, fracture and collapse within three acrimonious months.

Bullies need help too
The definition of an adult is a person who is capable of and willing
to accept responsibility for their behaviour and the consequences of their
behaviour for other people. Any adult who is unwilling or unable to accept this
responsibility is exhibiting diminished responsibility and needs to be
subject to the provisions of the Mental Health Act and be under the care of a
psychiatrist. Bullying is behaviour,
behaviour is a choice, therefore bullying is a choice. Many bullies are in
positions of management or power and therefore do not require help - except in
their specious attempts to deceive others and to evade accountability and
sanction. Bullies rely on naivety, inexperience and people feeling sorry for them and will ruthlessly
exploit decent people's urge to "help" and "forgive" them -
such people unwittingly swell the bully's army of supporters, enablers,
apologists, appeasers, acolytes, protectors and deniers.