Hot on the heels of Rob’s return, Screaming Mime Theater is proud to unleash it’s latest, most jaded creation… A congo-line of deprivation one whole week in the making… Oliver’s Twisted Bargain Basement Midnight Movie Stoner Friendly Freak Show! With a title so long even the late Linda Lovelace would call it “a mouthful”, and a budget so small starving children in Africa should start sending us money, this homage to cheesy b-movie creature feature horror shows hopes to transport it’s viewers back to those glorious pre-cable days before infomercials and 24 hour broadcasting, when the last stop on the cathode ray highway was the late, late movie! Usually they were locally taped public access type productions, featuring amateur actors dressed in shoddy Frankenstein’s monster costumes in dollar store furnished laboratories, or Dracula clones reciting corny one-liners from inside their cardboard coffins as dry ice fog obscures styr0foam tombstones. They’d perform loosely scripted comic bits between commercial breaks for notoriously awful movies, with titles like The Crawling Eye and The Screaming Skull; flicks that needed a little extra nudge to trick viewers into watching them for the umpteenth time. But the movies themselves were never really the point. It was the camaraderie we in the audience felt with these misplaced thespians, who did their very best week after week to make something entertaining out of the unwatchable. The fun came not from the feature presentation, but from these often unsung heroes of the UHF void who cleverly polished cinematic turds and somehow convinced a loyal few to come back for seconds and thirds.

Every nightmare needs a top-rate ghoul, and who better to host our fledgling creep show than the Screaming Mime Theater’s resident serial killer, Oliver? Together with his cast of cohorts including Two Guys Watching Porn’s dog reporter Shadow Stevens, show announcer Albert Fish (who sounds remarkably like TGWP’s producer Barry Schwartzenhymen), and Oliver’s chemically dependent sidekick, Horse Head Ed, the show promises to, at the very least, keep you scratching your head as this train wreck occurs before your very eyes! It’s a show that features everything future fucktards could hope for: rubber masks, bad CGI, Oedipal complexes, drug references, and action figure nudity! And only the best of the worst horror, sci-fi, and exploitation available… (in the Public Domain)…

Oliver’s Twisted Bargain Basement Midnight Movie Stoner Friendly Freak Showis the developmentally challenged brainchild of that demented duo behind Two Guys Watching Porn. Episode One pays tribute to the Queen of all Pinups, Bettie Page, and features footage from her final feature film performance in the 1955 Irving Klaw directed burlesque documentary Teaserama.

There are some questions for which answers may never truly be known, eternal mysteries that have haunted man since his first ancestors gazed upon the heavens and wondered “are we alone in the Universe?”, “is there life after death?” , “what, if anything, existed before the Big Bang?” and “how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”. Well, as of last Saturday, at least one such puzzle has been solved, the burning question on all of our minds: “What the fuck happened to Rob?”…

It is with great excitement and considerable relief that I announce that Rob, like the Jediand Jesus before him, has returned. Not, however, a brief two days later like the aforementioned Lord and Savior but, instead, following a two and a half month mysterious limbo. But what do you expect? One of them is the son of God and the other’s, well, Rob. And whereas Jesus returned with the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven, Rob comes back with nothing more than horror stories of hoarding and of elderly relatives half eaten by cats!

All this and more is the subject of the long awaited brand new episode of Two Guys Watching Porn titled “Popeye and the Resurrection“. A special shout out is given to a trio of confirmed listeners and life advice is lovingly dispensed by hosts Rob and Chris, who waste little time returning to their old shenanigans. Listen to this episode here:

In other news, Murdered by ROBOTS was once again honored to have their track “Dumpster Baby” featured on the latest (02/04/14) broadcast of 96.5 WSLR’s Lumpytunes! , on a playlist that featured such icons of the counterculture as William S. Burroughs and Cheech and Chong! Our eternal thanks goes out to the Head Lump Rob Demperio for including us in another one of his weekly mosh ups of madness, and for mentioning us on air, albeit unintentionally, during his 01/21/14 broadcast when he momentarily confused our group with the similarly named musical comedy troupe and experimental noise act, Captured! By Robots, whose track he’d just played. Oh, and while we’re shamelessly honking our own horn, Murdered by ROBOTS was also included in the special (12/03/13) John and Yoko themed edition of Lumpytunes! which featured an extended set of our songs made up of “If I Only Had Some Shame“, “Porcupine Vagina/Nevermind Love” and our signature tune “Snotrocket“. Intentionally or otherwise, we’re always thrilled to hear our name spoken over the airwaves!

For those of you in the Sarasota/Bradenton, Florida area, check out Lumpytunes!every Tuesday night/Wednesday morning from 11:00pm-01:00am on 96.5 WSLR or listen online at www.WSLR.org . And like it on Facebook at www.facebook.com/lumpytunes .

It’s no secret that Melissa Dawson is one of our all time favorite models here at the Screaming Mime Theater, and the reasons why are so painfully clear that even Helen Keller would have no problem seeing them. With legs that stretch all the way up to heaven, a booty so tight it probably poops diamonds, a pair of boobs that leave dudes salivating like Pavlov’s poodles and a face that could grace the pages of any high end fashion magazine, this tattooed temptress is the quintessential heterosexual teenage boy’s fantasy, a walking wet dream come true, and an amazingly cool human being to boot.

This past October, we were lucky enough to work with Melissa once again, filming her for the Murdered by ROBOTS video “Zombie Girl” and photographing her for our second (and now, hopefully, annual) Halloween Shoot ! While the music video was featured prominently in our January 28th post, we’d feel remiss if we failed to show you some of the highlights of that incredible photo session as well. So, without further tease, here is the beautiful Melissa Dawson vamping it up and doing her best to provoke all us lucky creatures of the night….

Screaming Mime Theater is an underground sleeper cell of wannabe artists, hack musicians, zero-budget filmmakers and often unemployed writers struggling to survive in the seedy underbelly of Sarasota, Florida. Like Troma Studios and John Water’s Dreamlanders, our objective is to create original and enjoyable content that succeeds even where our modest talents fail, to create a Universe populated by oddball characters, and to spread our half-baked gospel to anyone fed up enough with mainstream mediocrity to receive our unholy message. And one of the longest running legs of this modest little empire is our photography division, headed by me, your humble narrator.

My name is Chris, and not only am I a founding member of the mock-rock band Murdered by ROBOTS as well as cohost of the now seemingly defunct podcast Two Guys Watching Porn, but I’m also a self-taught photographer who aspires to create images that are both provocative and playfully edgy. I strive to constantly evolve as an artist (although using the word “artist” makes me uncomfortable), feeling free to experiment and unafraid of failing. While I don’t mind shooting traditional themes, I’m happiest working with models who share my somewhat offbeat sense of humor and don’t mind being silly or weird.

I’m a life-long admirer of pin-up style art. I grew up obsessed with images of Bettie Page and other underground models of her era, studying the work of Irving Klaw and Bunny Yeager, and flipping through pages of vintage men’s magazines with names like “TAB“, “SHOW“, and “EYE“, suggestive publications once deemed too lurid to be sold over the counter that now seem curiously innocent by modern standards. In many ways, it’s this inherently taboo aspect that makes these guilty pleasures so fascinating to me. And it’s that delicate dance between wholesomeness and, for lack of a better term, comic book style sleaze that I find most invigorating, imagining that beneath every housewife’s proper June Cleaver exterior is a garter-belt wearing, cat-o-nine-tails toting vixen ready to pounce.

I draw heavy inspiration from B-movie and grindhouse imagery, like scenes from an all night marathon of Russ Meyer films and drive-in double features. I try to create pictures that convey universal schoolboy day dreams and pay homage to the low brow pop stylings of artists like Robt Williams and Art Crumb, incredible talents who often elevated their medium yet still felt free to dip their toes in the gutter, combining elements of retro-style cheesecake with tongue-in-cheek, in-your-face vulgarity and doing so with style.

I’ve been extremely fortunate to work with many talented and imaginative models in the Sarasota area, some with professional credentials and others who were complete newcomers, and I’m eager to work with anyone out there who is interested in creating something different. Please feel free to peruse my portfolio, and don’t be afraid to contact me for any of your photographic needs at:

In the months since my last steady post, a full ten episodes of Two Guys Watching Porn have come and gone, leaving in their wake a foulness not unlike an unwelcome breakage of wind. Since I’ve shamefully neglected to keep this site updated, I hope to rectify that mistake now by chronicling all of the adventures some of you may have missed, picking up right where I left off back in September. So please, accept this episode guide as an olive branch, and feel free to plunder our archives for all of TGWP’s podcasting prurience…

If Steven Spielberg’s 1977 classic Close Encounters of the Third Kind taught us anything, it’s that A: Richard Dreyfus is a terrible father looking for almost any excuse to abandon his family, and that B: WE ARE NOT ALONE! In this thrilling Sci-Fi themed episode of Two Guys Watching Porn, alien visitors have intercepted a strange signal emanating from a tiny blue planet orbiting an average yellow star, and are shocked by the content of this curious transmission. Listen as Chris and Rob unwittingly become Earth’s first ambassadors to this advanced extraterrestrial race!

In celebration of our 40th episode and our network’s 4000th listen, Screaming Mime Theater and it’s musical division, Murdered by ROBOTS, serve up a star studded all musical extravaganza titled Name That Poon (aka Two Guys Watching Porn, the Musical), featuring hosts Rob and Chris, show producer Barry Schwartzenhymen, Foreign Correspondent and Dog-Reporter Shadow Stevens, frequent guest contributor Kristina Raisinbran, and fellow Spreaker talent and show supporter Amanda Nicole! So fill your shorts with pudding, huff a little Glade Air-freshener, relax and enjoy this nostalgic musical retrospective of some of Two Guys Watching Porn’s more whimsical moments, as we say thank you all for joining us on this adventure!

This episode finds Chris and Rob scratching their heads, trying to make sense of Obamacare and the current Government shutdown. Unable to grasp these subjects, they divert their scattered focus towards more entertaining topics, including television, face eating drugs, legalized pot and incest. Featuring the song “Praise, Praise, Praise” by Kamikaze Krishna.

Drug horror stories are the hot topic of the day, in this very special (if inappropriately named) episode of Two Guys Watching Porn which explores the ravages of that mysterious new drug from Russia named Krokodil, a nasty little concoction known to eat the flesh of it’s users. Also up for lampooning is the late Michael Jackson, Russian President Vladimir Putin, and child abuse! A splendid time is guaranteed for all!

The show hits the highway as Rob and Chris drive aimlessly looking for inspiration, waxing nostalgically about shitty 1980’s sitcoms and their shared love of taquitos, as well as tackling such gripping social taboos as pederasty, public indecency, bestiality, and the shady sport of competitive gang-bangs. In the end, Rob concludes that we are, indeed, “a sick, sick species”!

Twisted Love Cults and illegal immigration draw ire from the show’s hosts in this controversial episode of Two Guys Watching Porn, while the plight of our nation’s indigenous peoples sparks some contentious debate amongst Rob and Chris. While Rob expresses nothing but respect for reservations and the importance of preserving Native American culture, Chris seems to suggest that, perhaps, it’s time for them to throw in the towel and accept defeat. Rubber tomahawks fly and things get decidedly ugly. Closing the show is a song by Screaming Mime Theater’s own Murdered by ROBOTS titled “Godzilla“, in honor of Halloween.

After last episode’s unpleasantness, Rob and Chris return to form, revealing their obsession with lurid sex ads found on questionable websites including Craigslist and Backpage. They also discuss their recent activities, including a special Halloween themed photo-shoot with actress/model/web-cam performer extraordinaire Melissa Dawson (on Twitter as @Melissa DawsonDD) who graciously agreed to star in the latest Murdered by ROBOTS music video titled “Zombie Girl“.

A new California law requiring condom use in all adult videos produced within “The Golden State” is ridiculed by porn advocates Rob and Chris, as well as the proposed new measure that would further require sex performers to wear safety goggles during their scenes. Later in the show, mention of the recent Super Typhoon Haiyan that devastated the Philippines steers the conversation towards “Sharknado” and other SiFi Channel made-for-cable turdfests. Featuring “Porcupine Vagina“, a new Murdered by ROBOTS track recently broadcast on 96.5 WSLR’s “Lumpytunes!”, and a brand new remix of the “Two Guys Watching Porn” theme song.

In this, the final episode of 2013, Chris and Rob express their growing pessimism for the future, as the dumbing down of America and a widespread distrust in our leaders casts a long shadow of doubt over the fate of the human race. This was the last episode to be recorded before Rob’s inexplicable disappearance.

The show hits a snag when host Rob goes on the rag in this week’s episode of Two Guys Watching Porn titled “Kim Jong-Un and Other Grumpy Munchkins“. Rob‘s a cranky wanker during this rare nighttime edition, while he and Chris discuss North Korean dictator (and frequent show fodder) Kim Jong-Un, who recently had his ex-girlfriend executed by firing squad! Luckily, show producer Barry Schwartzenhymen is on deck to inject a little levity into the proceedings, with an emotionally stirring rendition of the 1982 Paul McCartney/Stevie Wonder duet “Ebony and Ivory“. When all is said and done, there won’t be a dry eye (or diaper) in the house.

For years, the name Peckerhead has been spoken only in hushed tones by that handful of people who had actually laid eyes upon the creature and lived to tell the tale, a tale of a monstrous abomination, one half man, one half chicken, whose presence in the undeveloped backwoods of South Florida has long been the subject of campfire tales and fearful speculation. Most of these eyewitnesses have met with fierce opposition from their communities, been labeled kooks and, in some instances, downright liars. Many, faced with the almost certainty of public ridicule, have chosen to keep their silence. But we here at Murdered by ROBOTS are dedicated to uncovering the truth about this legendary boogeyman and, tonight, offer brand new and incontrovertible evidence – hard video proof – that Peckerhead is REAL!

The following is the second of only two known recordings ever made of the beast, captured on video earlier this month by local researchers as they were ambushed. Had it not been for the swift and heroic intervention of Internet star and fetish model Mandy Taylor, who appeared as if from out of nowhere to unleash her trademark brand of testicular demolition upon that feathery spawn of Satan, several scientist would have died. Instead, we are left with this chilling documentation:

Our heartfelt thanks goes out to the brave men and women who put their safety on the line in the name of science, and to the super sexy Mandy Taylor, who demonstrated total calm in the face of danger, and for her crotch-kicking ferocity.

In other Murdered by ROBOTS news, Two Guys Watching Porn delivers yet another new episode of mentally challenged verbal masturbation titled “Miley Cyrus and Rainbow Parties” in which hosts Rob and Chris discuss MTV’s recent Video Music Awards, wrestle with basic geometry, try to reclaim intellectual property and lament missing out on teenage sex parties… all building up to an exciting (or not) cliffhanger of an ending!

Hot off the heels of our most recent Lumpytunes! appearance, Murdered by ROBOTS has released the music video, “Down to the Slaughter“, starring exotic model extraordinaire Vigilante Vixxxen and resident masked madman and Screaming Mime Theater mascot Oliver. And, in an attempt to sate any cryptobiologist’s hunger for high weirdness, making his first appearance on film is Peckerhead, that mysterious monstrosity long suspected of stalking South Florida’s uncharted wilderness and rumored to be half man and half chicken! Filmed on location and at Bradenton’s famed Junkyard Rehearsal Studio, and directed by underground filmmaker Jizz Fassbinder,this shocking video is proof positive that the Truth definitely IS “out there”!

Special thanks go out to Vigilante Vixxxen, for lending her considerable talents and beauty to our latest video venture, and to Seasons of the Wolf guitarist/producer Barry “Skully” Waddell for his immeasurable help.

Rising from our ashes like a smut spewing Phoenix, “Two Guys Watching Porn” returns to the cyber-airwaves with our first monkey-spanking new episode since expanding our podcasting empire to ITunes! Refreshed from a 49 day vacation, hapless hosts Chris and Rob kick off Season Three with “Princess Mandy and the Word We Can’t Say”. Listen as we insert foot firmly in mouth and share behind-the-scenes anecdotes from our latest photo-shoot with the insanely hot Mandy Taylor, @PrincessMandyT on Twitter and the inspiration behind Murdered by ROBOT’s song “Mandy, the Queen of Testicle Torture”. A splendid time is guaranteed for all and, of course, Henry the Horse dances the Waltz….