Pages

Sunday, 31 January 2016

We kick off our final selection of female muscle and cars with a frankly mild welcome from the female muscle brand that is Cindy Landolt. But this particular selection comes from Swell's "Special Favourites" folder, so fear not, because - just like a car engine on a frosty January morning - it's going to get damn hot damn quick!

Guess Cindy really likes that upholstery.

And I really like Paloma Parra's shoulders in that tight tight T-shirt of hers below. I bet she gets them right pumped up when she gets the chamois out and buffs up that shine. Bet she attracts quite a crowd - all pretending to admire the Merc of course.

You know they are car crazies when they're looking at the wheels and not at the glamorous beef of muscle goddess Jacqueline Fuchs. Beautiful lines, and horsepower to burn. And I expect those cars are pretty high-performance as well.

This is how I settle my bills at the mechanic, Jay tells us.

No trips to the garage are necessary for amateur Physique star Kylie Jean Vandenbrand though. She can get under the "hood" as I believe she would call it.

With those pythons it looks like she could lift the whole damn engine out!

Now earlier in the week I may have given the impression that I'm not into the in-car single bicep selfie, but the point I was trying to make was they have become so commonplace that finding a really, really great one involves a lot of searching.

A very honorable mention then for one that I'm sure I've posted before - Jessica Graham proving once again that Figure girls flex everywhere except on stage.

But FMS' in-car single bicep selfie queen has got to be powerlifter Lisa Rothman.

Left, right, "duck face", eyebrow flex - Lisa's work has it all and more.

Stunning beauty. And she can bench every car we've featured this week.

Probably.

And we leave you with two more of FMS' favourite swoons...

THERESA

Don't you just love how she's squeezing that wheel and making those pecs ripple?

Saturday, 30 January 2016

Just about everything we've seen so far this week - selfies, candids, glamour, leather, biceps, bling, the so-called "duck face", and a bunch of pics where the car may not be evident at first - all starring everybody's ultimate passenger seat muscle fantasy.

Friday, 29 January 2016

Seriously though, it seems to me that if - like me - you're driving a 10-year-old second-hand Golf that needs a wash you are neither helping the environment much and nor are you likely to impress any high-powered muscle goddesses with your (grimy) wheels.

BIG beautiful women need a BIG beautiful car.

Responding to the picture of my beloved Golf I sent her, IFBB Physique Pro Keri Ann Heitzman told me that she never takes her top off for anything less than serious bling and "even seriouser" horse power, and helpfully attached this by way of illustration.

Call that a car, wrote Jill Mills. This is a car!

Undaunted, I kept trying.

Sell that dirty old thing, Monica told me. You might get something for it. And then you could spend it on, let's see, about three minutes of unforgettable webcam with me!!!

Me (and my Golf) were starting to feel a little inadequate. I needed a more sympathetic ear, a response that would at least not be so damn dismissive. I'll try Lisa, I thought.

Geisi, of course, does not steal cars. Looking like that she gets given them.

And so, I imagine, does Swedish Bikini phenomenon Caroline Aspenskog.

Once again I am pleasantly surprised by the amount of muscle on a Bikini competitor, and knowing that while she is sashaying around on that stage (and whipping the audience into a right frenzy you will note) Caroline is dying to just flex those muscles of hers brings a whole new level of enjoyment to this 2013 Fitness Festivalen clip. And the pleasant surprises continued as I watched - agog, or should that be Aspensgog - this more recent training clip of hers. Surely you are not allowed to perform some of those frankly X-rated movements in a public gym until after the watershed!

Some call it "duck face", I call it HOT!

Puckering up at the sight of her own muscle here is Emelye-Jane Pearson, who, as far as I can recall, is the first muscle goddess we've featured here who was born in Papua New Guinea. Now based in Queensland, Australia, Emelye-Jane is on Facebook, and in the few photos of her flexing that I've found her pride is very evident.

Quite possibly the world's sexiest Dental Assistant.

And now, quite possibly the world's sexiest woman...

Or at least she'd be the nailed-on bookies' favourite to come out on top in this year's Hot and Hard 100 (if the bookies were interested that is) given she only lost out to Shannon last year by a bicep vein and Shannon's no longer a "bodybuilder".

Start thinking about your votes for the Hot and Hard 100 2016.

And finally...

I can't decide if it would be sexier if this were a posed shot or a chance candid - if Annette Garcia had told the photographer to get out of the car and snap her flexing or whether some lucky female muscle head just chanced across her doing it and somehow managed to get their phone out and keep their hands steady enough to capture the moment before The Madness took them over completely.

Or, even better! Female muscle head stumbles across Annette's magnificent arm hanging out the window, she sees said head lining up the shot in the mirror and then casually gives the lucky b'stard the greatest gun show they've ever seen anyway!

Yes, definitely the last one. So arrogant! Yes, I'm going to believe that one...

Wednesday, 27 January 2016

My memory is a little hazy about when camera phones became viable, but the file information attached to this pic says it was taken in January 2007, nine years ago.

Whether that makes it the earliest known example I couldn't say, but it's certainly the earliest example I've come across in my (less than comprehensive) research.

What we do know is that everybody's at it now...

But while the in-car selfie might have a short (if longer than imagined) history, images of female muscle and (muscle) cars go much further back to the ol' magazine years.

TREASURES FROM THE CARCHIVE

Rozann Keyser (left) shows us how she'd like to be paraded through the streets. If you are too young to be familiar with the glorious Rozann, you might like to check out her routine from the 1993 NPC Nationals. She won the Heavyweight title and turned pro the following year (but there was no parade as far as I know). Valerie Gangi (right, in the string) was, you may recall, a 1997 Ms Olympia competitor and then over 15 years later competed at the Olympia again, this time in the Physique Division.

And here's a real treasure.

The owner of that Mitsubishi could probably put it up for auction on the female muscle forums and make a mint - "as touched by Zuzana in that bikini". Just the tyre even.

Other cars might be worth a bob or two as well...

"Scented by Brigita"

"Soiled by Dena" (sorry Dena)

Probably not for sale.

And perhaps most valuable of all...

"As washed by Julie"

Now do you remember that scene in The Counsellor with Cameron Diaz getting freaky on Javier Bardem's car? I wonder where Cormac McCarthy got the idea for that...