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Monday, January 18, 2016

Twenty-five Really Weird Things Said to Pastors and Other Church Leaders

Few people are truly aware of the constant requests, complaints,
and criticisms pastors and other church leaders receive. I must
admit, however, I was surprised when I asked church leaders on
Twitter to share some of the more unusual comments they have
received. I was first surprised at how many responded. But I was most
surprised at the really strange things people tell pastors and other
church leaders.
Many of the comments related to using the Bible too much or to
being too evangelistic. I should make those a blog post by
themselves.
I narrowed my selection to twenty-five, but it could have been
much higher. I left off many great comments to keep this post
manageable. I’ve only made minor wording changes to some of these.
For the most part, I received these quotes just as you are seeing
them. The parenthetical words after each comment represent my
off-the-cuff commentary.

“We need a small group for cat lovers.” (I guess
they could serve Meow Mix as a snack.)

“You need to change your voice.” (Yes ma’am. I’ll
try to have that done by next week.)

“Our expensive coffee is attracting too many
hipsters.” (Yep. You don’t want too many of those hipsters
in your church.)

“Preachers who don’t wear suits and ties aren’t saved.
It’s in the Bible. (I should have known that’s what Jesus
and Paul wore.)

“You shouldn’t make people leave the youth group after
they graduate.” (It’s going to get really weird by the time
they turn 70 years old.)

“I don’t like the color of the towels in the women’s
restroom.” (I don’t understand. They match the towels in
the men’s restroom.)

“We need to start attracting more normal people at
church.” (So, you will be leaving the church, I presume.)

“I developed cancer because you don’t preach from the
KJV.” (Major medical announcement! New carcinogen
discovered!)

“Your wife never compliments me about my hair or
dress.” (There could be a reason for that.)

“Not enough people signed up for the church golf
tournament. You have poor leadership skills.” (I’m so
sorry. I expected more since most of the deacons play golf on Sunday
morning)

“I think you are trying to preach caffeineism.” (Probably
Reformed theology with an extra kick.)

“If Jesus sang from the red hymnals, why can’t we?” (I
think you are mistaken. He sang from blue hymnals.)

(To a pastor who married interracially). “You are
living in sin. You shouldn’t be married to each other.” (That
one is not worthy of commentary.)

“I don’t like the brand of donuts in the foyer.” (It’s
better than Meow Mix.)

“You didn’t wrap the hot dogs in bacon for the church
picnic.” (I understand that one. Bacon rules.)

“You shouldn’t drink water when you preach.” (At
least not simultaneously.)

“The toilet paper is on the wrong way in the ladies
restroom. It’s rolled under.” (My guess is that it is still
functional.)

“Why don’t you ever preach on Tim Tebow?” (Be
patient. I will be preaching a six-week expository series on him in
the fall.)

“You don’t have ashtrays in the fellowship hall.” (Yes
we do. They are right next to the spittoons for your chewing
tobacco.)

“Did you see me waving in the back of the worship center?
You preached too long. It was time to eat!” (Who needs a
clock when I have you?)

“The eggs were not scrambled enough at the senior adult
breakfast.” (We thought you could jump up and down after you
ate them to finish the job.)

“You don’t look at our side of the worship center enough
when you preach.”(That’s because you are on that side.)

“We are leaving the church because you have a red cross on
the building. That’s the color of the devil.” (I
understand. It’s in the same verse that describes his pitchfork
and horns.)

“Your sermon needed more calories.” (Okay. I’ll
feed it one of those donuts in the foyer.)

Pastors and other church leaders must have great patience and
strength. They are faced with these and many other comments and
demands every day. I love these church leaders, and I thank God for
them.
Share with me what comments you have received. And tell me what
you think of the twenty-five comments that were shared with me.