Dear Abby: Facebook thank-yous are no substitute for individual notes

Thursday

Apr 26, 2012 at 5:50 AMApr 26, 2012 at 5:53 AM

DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a baby shower for a dear high school friend and his wife. The day after the shower, she posted a slideshow on Facebook titled "Thanks for All Our Gifts" with a picture of each gift and who gave it. She has had numerous miscarriages and held this shower at five months, knowing the baby is not yet at a viable stage. While I feel sympathy for her fertility issues, and especially for her husband, who desperately wants to be a father, I think this is a bid for attention. I am disgusted at how she seems to be bragging about her haul, yet prepping everyone to give her an outpouring of support if there is another tragic loss. Who does this? I am ...

DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a baby shower for a dear high school friend and his wife. The day after the shower, she posted a slideshow on Facebook titled “Thanks for All Our Gifts” with a picture of each gift and who gave it. She has had numerous miscarriages and held this shower at five months, knowing the baby is not yet at a viable stage. While I feel sympathy for her fertility issues, and especially for her husband, who desperately wants to be a father, I think this is a bid for attention. I am disgusted at how she seems to be bragging about her haul, yet prepping everyone to give her an outpouring of support if there is another tragic loss. Who does this? I am …

— Speechless in North Carolina

DEAR SPEECHLESS: Most baby showers are given four to six weeks before the mother’s due date. However, it’s possible that your friend’s wife had hers at five months because, with her history of miscarriages, she’s excited that her pregnancy seems to be progressing well and she’s thinking positively about the outcome. I hope it works out well and so should you. As to her method of thanking everyone for the gifts, she may never have been taught that individual thank-you notes should have been sent to each guest. Because it is clear that you are closer to the husband than the wife, perhaps you should tip him off that it’s still not too late for them to do the right thing and suggest he help her with them.

• • •

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced from my wife for almost a year, with another year of separation preceding that. We divorced because of arguments, not because of abuse, adultery or substance abuse issues. The divorce actually seemed to take on a life of its own. Because I have a small son with her, I desperately want to attempt a reconciliation. She is reticent about it, however, mainly because I believe she’s getting pressure from her family. How can I persuade her to go out with me so we can rekindle the spark we once shared?

— Missing My Old Life

DEAR MISSING: Before a couple can successfully reconcile, they must first resolve the problems that caused the separation in the first place. That would be the way to begin. However, are you aware that not once in your letter did you say that you still love your ex-wife? If the reason you want to “rekindle the spark” is that you miss being with your child and the comforts of being married — but not her — then I don’t think you have much chance of success.

• • •

DEAR ABBY: My child’s best friend has a parent who is constantly late (to the tune of hours, not minutes). I understand that the child is not at fault, but my child’s feelings are hurt by the blatant disregard of the other parent’s tardiness. How do I help this parent (whom I adore otherwise) to understand that disappointing my child through poor time management is not acceptable to our family without hurting both children?

— Watching the Clock

DEAR CLOCK WATCHER: If you haven’t told the parent that it is hurtful when your child is kept waiting for hours for a play date, you should. And if that doesn’t bring the desired result, your child should be encouraged to move on to some other activity and/or another companion.

Never miss a story

Choose the plan that's right for you.
Digital access or digital and print delivery.