Editorial 16: One sacred cow burger, well done, with a side order of Eucharist. Now that the atavistic Bush II days are in full swing, guaranteeing the white upper class citizen a wealthier America and giving the rest of us a healthy dose of carbon dioxide and more arsenic in our drinking water, we can get down to the real business: removing all immorality from our artistic and entertainment endeavors..

The key to returning America to its initial Puritan morality is to reinstate blasphemy laws. All mocking or demeaning of religion should be punished legally. New York City should be shown up as a shining example to the rest of the country, based upon their condemning of religious works such as “The Holy Virgin Mary” which featured elephant dung on the painting, or the self-explanatory “Piss Christ” (nevermind that these works of art were intended to be reverential, extending our conception of the “holy” to every part of our bodies). Religion, especially in art, is best when it is traditional and unchallenging; new ideas are of course heretical and can add nothing to what Christ, Luther and Moses have contributed to our faith.

In fact, the highest example of this can be found in Afghanistan’s Taliban. Their courageous destruction of the immense statues of the Buddha because of the statues’ idolatrous affront to Islam represents an example I only wish America could live up to. They weren’t diverted by the artistic or multicultural merits of the statue; they knew only that their god could not continue to be mocked, and they acted as they should.