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Kidnapped: Five Lessons on How to Handle a Loved One’s Abduction

On a quiet
Sunday night, I was getting ready to go to bed when I got the call that my dad
had been abducted. That was the beginning of a torturous week of waiting and
desperate pleas to authorities to facilitate his release. Everything else stood still. Nothing was more
important than negotiating for his safe release.

I learned a few
things from the frenzy of activities that ensued. Things I didn’t think about
until I actually experienced the horror of being the family member to a kidnap
victim. It’s not something that anybody wishes for but since it happened to us,
there are several lessons that I want to share here.

Hysteria and theatrics won’t solve anything: my initial reaction was panic. I
screamed. I cursed. I kept prodding my mom, asking banal questions that she
couldn’t possibly have answers to. It wasn’t until she snapped at me that I
realized how much pressure I was mounting on her. Our house was like a theatre
during the first few days. The emotional outburst from the people around was
distracting. It’s important to keep a cool head especially when you’re the
next-of-kin negotiator. The kidnappers will use your desperation to make
ridiculous demands. Giving in to panic can only lead you to promise more ransom
than you have.

Be prepared to pay a ransom: Unfortunately, kidnap for ransom has
become a profitable business for the morally decrepit. One that yields high
returns with little to no initial capital investment. I used to argue against
the idea of paying ransom to kidnappers. I felt it only emboldens them and
encourages more people to take up the act. But such an obscure thought didn’t
even cross my mind. Until you wear the shoes and feel the pain, you will never
know how to react. So, be prepared to pay a ransom. The kidnappers don’t
care for sob stories. They don’t want to know where you’re getting the money
from as long as you get it.They are
desperate to conclude the “transaction” so they can move on to the next victim.

Be careful what you say and to whom: people will call and visit to
sympathize. Naturally, they’ll also ask a lot of questions. But you don’t know
who is a friend or foe. In some kidnap for ransom cases, someone close to
the family is usually the one passing information to the abductors. Sift the
information you give to people. Keep the sensitive bit private. Like what steps
the security operatives are taking and how much money you can afford to pay as ransom.

Don’t listen to hearsay: There will be people trying to use your
anxiety to their advantage. Some will call claiming to have the ability to intervene
on your behalf if only you can give them money to enable them “act.” We had
people making absurd demands. They asked for money for prayers and anointing
oil. Some others wanted money to “consult” a powerful herbalist who could
reveal where my dad was held. I heard the most ridiculous things. Filter out the
noise and focus on the task at hand – the release of your loved one. Listening
to speculations will only compound your worries.

Stay positive but prepare for the worst: you’re not dealing with sane individuals.
These are hardened men with no scruples about harming a fellow human being.
What’s the worst that could happen? A while ago, I had an insightful conversation
with someone who told me about a simple strategy to deal with my anxiety
attacks. She said that whenever I’m worried or faced with a difficult situation
that is out of my control, I should think of the worst that could happen if
things don’t go as I plan. It is very difficult to think of the abduction of your loved one in a worst-case
scenario. But it’s vital to be prepared for whatever happens. You have limited
control.

That’s it.

The incident is
behind us now. It’s been over three weeks but it’s something that I’ll not
forget in a hurry.

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Hi there! Welcome to my personal space. I’m Nigerian. Efik to be precise. This is where I muse about activities and events that I find interesting, wherever I find myself. You will also find chatter about my culture, particularly our food. I live in Australia for now.