Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Why are we always surprised when it gets so hot in Oklahoma? We greet someone, it's so hot! We express surprise at the temperature as it flashes on the bank sign. Triple digits today! Or we observe, the lake has turned over. Doesn't it do that every year in the summer?

Its almost the Fourth of July. There will be lots of people to feed. One
thing for sure. It is too hot to turn the oven on. No matter the
temperature, there is still a hungry family around the picnic table or on the boat. For
some strange reason, they still want to be fed. Here are a few easy to
prepare dishes that don't require pre-heating anything.

Southern Shrimp Salad

2 pounds shrimp, pre-cooked and cleaned (prepare according to directions on package)
Chop into bite size pieces.
Prepare 1 cup rice according to package directions. Drain well and cool.

Make a topping of equal amounts1000 Island Dressing and freshly whipped cream (unsweetened)
Put a large dollop of the dressing on the top of the sandwich and add the second slice of bread.
Serve with potato chips, a dill pickle and a knife and fork. Heaven!!!

Dessert? The peaches are in. The blueberries are ripe. Grab a gallon of good vanilla ice cream and enjoy the blessings of summer!

Monday, June 23, 2014

Great insight from a Mom's Blog- Lucky Mom of Three Boys . The times they are a changin' aren't they? Those boy are going to be men someday. How to raise them to be the men we want them to be? And what do we want them to be?? Read one Mom's observations below.

What makes a great man? Eeek, that's a tough one! Or, more
importantly, what kind of men do we want our little boys to become? And,
how can we better support them as they develop?

There
could be many different answers to this. What's your definition? Is a
great man someone who is independent but also a team player, strong but
emotionally connected and supportive, motivated, courteous, caring and
affectionate, honest, protective, reliable, has good sense of humor? The
list is almost endless and will be different for each person, male or
female.
But what is a man's role today? Not that I aspire to the
past, but just a few decades ago a man's role seemed far more certain
-- the breadwinner, head of the house, protector. Now, women are
actively encouraged to compete alongside men in everything from
education to the workplace to sporting activities, including
traditionally male-based events. This is absolutely as it should be and
there is yet more to be achieved for girls and women's rights. But,
while the focus quite rightly has been on female equality, is there a
chance that in very recent times men, and particularly boys, have been
overlooked?

What makes me say this? Well, being the mother of
three boys I have a deep interest in their well-being, their
opportunities and their role in life, and I have become aware of a
growing number of negative challenges that boys of this generation are
starting to face. You just have to hear the news to be enlightened about
the concerning facts. In an Open letter to President ObamaMark Sherman quoted statistics for the U.S. (initially compiled by Tom Mortenson in 2011).
These statistics state that boys are more likely to have a learning
disability, to be suspended from high school, to lag behind their female
counterparts academically, are less likely to graduate from school or
achieve a bachelor degree and even more worryingly are more likely to be
homeless, incarcerated in a correctional facility, and commit suicide.
The position in the U.K. is worryingly similar. Why is this the case?
And why does there not seem to be a greater focus on it?

On a
social and cultural level, boys seem to face mixed messages when it
comes to their masculinity. If they show too much emotion they may be
branded a sissy (or dare I say a "momma's boy"!). Too much bravado and
they are condemned for being unruly, rough and noisy. They should treat
women as equals, but is being chivalrous OK? (I welcome it, but not all
women do).

I wholly advocate boys being allowed to be themselves.
Their differences from girls are what makes them unique, fun and
interesting in their own right. Toy fights, mud, toilet humour, shows of
strength, competition, what can seem like relentless energy, noise,
thrill seeking and bravado are all things that should be celebrated
about boys' characters. However, their softer side is also to be
praised. Their creativity, imagination, thoughtfulness, sense of
fairness and forgiveness, inquisitiveness, communication skills, caring
nature and amazing ability to show love and affection are so very
special. In a modern world where men are often a 50:50 partner in the
home, especially when raising a family, these qualities learned in
childhood will be embodied throughout adulthood. The male role seems to
be evolving and so too surely must the typical male stereotypes --
hopefully including the ones relating to relationships with their
mothers!

I am sure that every significant adult figure has a real
lasting impact on a little boys' life. The father/son relationship is
perhaps more easily defined but I would like to understand how mothers
can also help their sons become some of the best men of the future. I
have read a number of articles about this and the viewpoint that rings
most true is that we should move away from the age old belief that a boy
should be taught to be a 'man' from a young age - to be strong, stand
on his own two feet and suppress his emotions. Instead, to support our
sons (and if we are fortunate enough to be able to) we should try to
develop solid and healthy mother/son relationships, which evolve as they
grow on mutually agreed terms.

According to Dr William Pollack, author of Real Boys
and a Harvard lecturer, "Far from making boys weaker, the love of a
mother actually does make boys stronger, emotionally and
psychologically. Far from making boys dependent, the base of safety
that a loving mother can create provides a boy with the courage to
explore the outside world. But most importantly, far from making a boy
act in 'girl-like' ways, a loving mother actually plays an integral role
in helping a boy develop his masculinity." Echoing these views Kate
Stone Lombardi looked in detail at the benefits of a good mother / son
relationship in her book The Mama's Boy Myth.
So, as to the long list of qualities that people look for in the 'great
man', I can't but try to play a part in helping my boys to achieve
them... but nobody's perfect!

Looking at the bigger picture, to
give all our boys the best possible start in life I would love there to
be a more equal playing field, so that as they grow they feel as
confident as their female counterparts that they can do and be whatever
they want in their lives. In order to achieve this perhaps the time has
come to raise the profile of boys and accept nothing less (or more!)
than the same opportunities, choices and support for them as we campaign
for, for our girls.
Ultimately, I think the kind of men our
boys will become is determined by the individual boy himself. But, I do
believe we all have an important role to play in providing the best
possible support and environment within which they grow. Let's go for
greatness!

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Graduation is the end of one chapter and the start of another. Keynote speakers at college graduations are the luck of the draw. Some speeches are shoozers, others will resonate with wisdom and common sense. Here are a few quotes from some of my favorites. chrissie

Steve Jobs, Stanford University in 2005

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.... Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.”

Bono, University of Pennsylvania in 2004

"The world is more malleable than you think and it’s waiting for
you to hammer it into shape…That’s what this degree of yours is—a blunt
instrument. So go forth and build something with it. Remember what John
Adams said about Ben Franklin, 'He does not hesitate at our boldest
measures but rather seems to think us too irresolute.' Well, this is the
time for bold measures and this is the country and you are the
generation."

Jodie Foster, University of Pennsylvania in 2006

"There is nothing more beautiful than finding your course as you
believe you bob aimlessly in the current. And wouldn't you know that
your path was there all along, waiting for you to knock, waiting for you
to become. This path does not belong to your parents, your teachers,
your leaders, or your lovers. Your path is your character defining
itself more and more every day."

"Be present. I would encourage you with all my heart just to be
present. Be present and open to the moment that is unfolding before you.
Because, ultimately, your life is made up of moments. So don't miss
them by being lost in the past or anticipating the future."

“Work hard but work smart. Always. Every day. Nothing is handed
to you and nothing is easy. You’re not owed anything... No job or task
is too small or beneath you. If you want to get ahead, volunteer to do
the things no one else wants to do, and do it better. Be a sponge. Be
open and learn.”

“It is a great thing to be at your age… You are at a very
specific time of age … an age where you can follow all your dreams. But
also at an age when you can change—you can change your dreams, you can
change paths. When you start something when you’re young, you should not
decide ‘this is it, this is my way and I will go all the way.’ You have
the age where you can change. You get experience, and maybe dislike it
and go another way. Your age is still an age of exploration.”

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Maybe you are living with a college bound child. Graduation is over and high school is now in the past tense. You are shopping for extra long twin sheets and comparing meal plans and freshman classes. Seventeen magazine shares some suggestions of what Not to miss in college. Perhaps some pointers overlooked by an eager eighteen year old?

College can be one of the best times of your life so far, as the next
four years will be filled with amazing firsts (like first time living
with a roommate who's not your sister, or the first time living without
your parents!) and memorable experiences (like living in a dorm, taking a
class with 400 other students, or rushing a sorority). With so many
awesome opportunities at your fingertips, how can you make the most of
the next four years? Start by making sure you don't miss out, as you
might regret NOT...
...Living in a dorm...
We get it, you just want to be on your own, and honestly, dorms can get kind of icky (communal showers—really?!) and annoying (blasting music at 2 a.m. the night before a big Chem midterm—really?!).
But do yourself a favor, and don’t rush to get out of the dorms. Living
in the dorms gives you the chance to meet all kinds of new people who
you might otherwise never hang out with—and really get to know
them. It's good practice for learning to deal with different types of
people, and chances are, you’ll find a few new BFFs within those halls.
Plus, its kind of nice having someone who can help you with your seminar
paper living right down the hall!...Studying abroad (if you can swing the cost)...
Remember when you were younger, and you used to fantasize about
traveling the world? Studying abroad in college is the perfect way to
make that dream a reality. If you can make it work, take advantage of
one of your school's study abroad programs. Not only will you get to eat
delicious food, meet awesome new people, and learn a different
language, but you'll also get to experience new places and cultures in a
way that will totally open your mind and help you grow. (If that's not
enough for you? AMAZING INSTAGRAM PHOTOS.)...Getting ready for class…sometimes...
Let’s face it, mornings are a struggle—especially when you stayed up
until 3 a.m. finishing the essay you forgot about (oops!). In college,
rolling out of bed, grabbing your books, and rocking a T-shirt and yoga
pants all day is totally acceptable. But once in awhile, skip the snooze
button and shower, do your hair,
and put on an outfit that doesn't include part (or all!) of your
pajamas. Looking put-together shows your teachers that you’re serious
about learning, so at least during those first couple of weeks, take the
extra 30 minutes in the morning to make a good impression. Plus, the
kid sitting next to you might one day become your boss or you her boss,
so road-testing some non-bedhead could be a bonus....Visiting your high school friends...
Even though you'll be really caught up in everything going on at your
own school, separating from your high school BFFs can still be hard.
Save up some cash and take advantage of a free weekend to take a road
trip to visit your HS friends at their schools. Getting to put faces and
visuals with the names of all the people and places they're always
talking about will help you stay connected even when it feels like
you're living completely different lives. Plus, as much as you may love
your college (obvi!), it's good to see what life is like outside of your
campus, too! You can even bring some of your new college friends along
for the ride. Not only will your new and old friends get to bond, but
their dining hall might be a refreshing break from yours. Or at least
their pizza places......Taking a class just because you're interested...
You have four years to complete your major. Take a class or two just
because it sounds interesting, not just because it’s required. These are
the classes that you'll excel in and value the most because you
genuinely want to be there. And who knows, maybe it could help your find
your major or minor, or lead you down the path to your dream career....Joining a club...
Whether it’s a social organization like Greek life, or an academic
group like the newspaper, joining a club has TONS of benefits. Not only
is it a great way to meet new people (and possibly some cuties!), but it
also looks great to future employers! Getting involved on campus shows
that you can balance multiple projects, can be a team player, and are
willing to go above and beyond what is expected of you, not to mention,
it's a great way to pick up some skills that might prove handy on a
resume. So go to the Activities Fair your first week (even if it sounds
totally lame), and sign up for at least one activity....Taking advantage of your professors' office hours...
Back in HS, your teachers would come to you if there was a problem
with your homework or if you totally bombed a quiz, and there was
usually an opportunity to make it up, or at least it gave you time to
try to turn things around before the end of the semester. Unfortunately,
college is not like that. It's on you to take ownership of your grades,
stay on top of how you're doing in your classes, and get help when you
need it. Even though your first year is going to be hectic, take the
time to meet with professors. Most hold office hours when you can talk
to them about anything from an upcoming paper or something in class you
didn't understand to why you didn't get the grade you wanted on your
midterm. A lot of profs also hold special review sessions before exams:
GO!...Switching to the major you really want...
It’s hard to believe that at the ripe age of 18 we're supposed to
know exactly what we want to do with our lives. While there are some
people who are #blessed and do know, it’s totally fine if you don’t (or
if you change your mind!). Your first couple years of college are meant
for discovering your passions, and changing your major is kind of like
deciding what to wear in the morning—sometimes you have to try on a few
different outfits before you find the perfect one. So if it turns out
history or finance or pre-law just isn't for you, don't just stick with
your major just because you don't want to start over or you'd been set
on becoming a lawyer ever since you saw Legally Blonde.
Focusing on what interests you is generally the best recipe for finding
success, and you'll be much happier studying that all those hours at the
library. Don’t be afraid to change your major once or twice (or four
times…oops)....Investing in a decent backpack.
You may be attached to your fave high school bag, but it might not
cut it for college (there's no locker to keep going back to between
periods). You’ll be carrying textbooks, notebooks, and a laptop with you
basically everywhere you go, so get a sturdy (and stylish) backpack
that’s up for the job. A two-strapper will help you avoid a seriously
sore back or shoulder, and backpacks are totally trendy now, so you'll
have no trouble finding the perf one to fit your style....Dating someone who's not your "type."
College is for trying new things—and that includes relationships. Normally into jocks? Chat up a musician! Dating different types of people helps you decide what you are really looking for in someone. That way when it comes time to DTR, you’ll know just what you want to do. And hey, you might be surprised by who you fall for!...Cheering on your school at a game.Even if you're more interested in what the players
look like than what they are doing on the field, college sporting events
can be so much fun! There’s nothing like showing your school spirit and
rooting for your team with friends. So spend a Saturday afternoon or
Tuesday night cheering on your school. Talking about the game could be
the perfect, non-awkward way to chat up your crush!

Take a deep breath and enjoy this summer with your college-bound son or daughter. The house will be very quiet in September! chrissie

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

If you are living with a teen, you may be feeling unappreciated. In fact, you may be feeling down-right hostility and resentment. Slammed doors and deep sighs may be the norm in your home. Don't despair. Blogger and college student, Lexi Herrick shares her insight from the perspective of twenty years. Summer's here! Enjoy. Chrissie

To all of the parents out there that feel as though the stubborn
adolescent that you created will never change, here is some hope for
you. It's just a process to their becoming your biggest fan. To all of
the young adults who have this figured out, let your parents know how
awesome they are.

It seems that every time my college-aged friends and I
begin telling stories about our families, we always arrive at the same
conclusion; our parents are simply the coolest people ever. Now I use
the word "cool" because that is the evolution of being a parent that
takes place.

When you are a child, your parents are like God.
Everything they say and do amazes you and you worship their every move.
This is because they control your whole world. No one has really given
you any ideas other than those two magical creatures. Somewhere
throughout the process of learning about other aspects of life and being
influenced by the presence of your peers, your parents start to become
the opposite of cool to you. You feel like they just don't "understand
you" and all they want to do is "control your life." This phase
continues for different amounts of time depending upon who you are.
There is no exact science to how long you feel this way. But during this
stage you are distant from your parents. You feel you need to escape
them. If you are a teenage girl, you actually view your mother as the
anti-christ, because for some reason mom is always the more evil one.

If
you're a teenager in general, you think every one of your friends is
the absolute most amazing person to ever set foot into your life. You
start trying to find things wrong with your parents and reasons why
you'd rather lay locked up in your room listening to music than be
around those two monsters and their expectations that feel so outrageous
to you. Growing up is confusing, and feeling inadequate is natural.
Insecurity means despising being questioned, and your parents question
you a lot. Therefore you cannot stand them. Everything around you is
changing. Friends are kind to you. Friends are also immensely cruel. You
just want to be "cool." You want everyone to accept you. Therefore you
try relentlessly to accomplish that and keep reiterating your teenage
battle cry that you absolutely cannot wait to get the heck away from
those awful parents of yours that hold you back. But then at some point,
it all changes.

For some, it's when you graduate high school. For
others, it is during high school. It can even last longer than college
at times. The thing is, life will eventually start showing you how much
better your parents are than literally everyone else. The first time you
move away or experience any change, you realize all of the people you
lose. You are actually friends with maybe two or three of the 15-plus
BEST friends you would have died for in middle school or high school.
You start watching life change and people change, and then you look
around and whom do you see? It's those freaking parents again. You stop
trying so hard to be accepted by everyone and cease all attempts to
force people to stay in your life. You come to the beautiful realization
that you only really need the people who put effort into the
relationships that you have with them. You become happy with who you are
and no longer feel like you have to impress people into being
interested in spending time with you. You don't need to convince people
that you're awesome. After all, your parents always thought you were.

When you get older, you want to spend time with the
people in your life who deserve to be there, and you actually appreciate
the reasons why they deserve to be there. You remember every school
play, dorky awards ceremony, and soccer game that your parents treated
like the Olympics or the Oscars. You remember all of the people that
made you feel like you weren't good enough and just think about your mom
running around taking literally a thousand pictures of you with your
friends standing in front of a stupid tree before prom. You realize you
were always good enough; you were a celebrity to the coolest people
ever. You will spend your entire adolescent years trying to figure out
what it means to be "cool" and realize that your parents showed you all
along.

I have learned from my parents. Be
honest. Be a hard worker. Be dependable. Be kind. Be confident. Be true
to yourself. I have learned that if I want to have positive people in my
life, I need to choose people who treat me like my parents do. You
learned this too I am sure, or you will. You know when a Friday night
comes around and the idea of hanging out with your parents sounds like
by far the best option. You know when something exciting happens in your
life and they're the first ones you run to. You know when you are
choosing a couple to double date with, and you know there's only one
dynamic duo you want to call. Above all, you know your parents are the people ever that have put
up with as much of your crap, and loved you so unconditionally/ So go, give the coolest people ever a hug or a phone
call, they deserve it.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Julie Fingersh, Huffington Post contributor. discusses college rejection letters. The high school senior's angst as hopes are dashed with one thin envelope. She has good insight. Nothing will make it easier but the tips below may help a difficult situation more bearable. Chrissie

Hear that cracking sound? It could be spring bursting into bloom. Or
it could be the sound of millions of high school senior hearts breaking
over college rejection letters.
If your kid is one of them,
here's how it feels: Their future? Shaken and blank. All that misery and
sweat invested in the school grind? Wasted. The answer to their
innermost question, "Am I worthy?" Delivered in that skinny envelope -- a
thunderous "No."
Now parents, you're up. You've got before you
one of the most powerful teachable moments ever. And even if you think
your teen would rather skin themselves alive than have this conversation
with you, just know that you are singularly qualified to help them
grieve, reframe and move forward.
Here's how to do it: Meet them fully in their private hell.
Fight the impulse to gloss over or short-circuit their grief. Skip the:
"You'll be fine" or "It's their loss." The key to getting over this is
dealing with it, not denying or explaining it away. Remember, our kids
have been raised on the notion that their entire lives so far have led
to this. Help them identify their worst fears and fantasies about what
they think this rejection means to their future. Then give them the
comfort of knowing that you truly understand and feel their pain. Tell the truth about your own hardest failures. As
parents, our most profound moments of self-doubt and rejection are
valuable currency to our kids. Sharing honestly connects us to them on
an adult level and will help them normalize this fork in the road.
Didn't make honors when all your friends did? Passed over for a
promotion you were in line for at work? Got rejected from your top
college choice? Our kids need to know that we know -- and have survived
-- how lousy and afraid they feel right now. Our skeletons in the closet
are the ticket. Help them see the "Appearance vs. Reality" of this moment. Remember,
this is the generation of kids that has been awarded trophies just for
showing up to practice. For many of them, rejection this authoritative
is staggering. It's not just their future that feels at stake, it's
their identity. Create some context for them: This is not the foreshadowing of a new, failing trajectory. This is one answer
coming from a very imperfect admissions process run by a stressed-out
room of directors trying to figure out how to make objective choices out
of impossibly subjective information. Shed light on the link between college and success. A
2014 Gallup poll found that when it comes to hiring, a mere 9 percent
of U.S. business leaders ranked where a candidate went to college as
"very important." What does matter most to 84 percent of top employers?
Knowledge and applied skills in the field. Then there's the question of
knowing how to create a fulfilling life. As we adults know, everyone's
got to crack that code for themselves, and one's alma mater is a small
piece of the equation. Where you go to school isn't nearly as important
as what you make of where you go. Help them see that a life story is never revealed in the moment. We
live our lives in chapters whose bigger picture is revealed only over
time. I always thought that I was born to go to Brown University. I knew
it from the age of 12. It was my singular, youthful ambition. And yet, I
was rejected while my two best friends got in. Devastated doesn't begin
to describe what I felt. Reflecting back, I can see that the most
joyous, important things in my life today -- my husband, kids and
community -- would not have come about if I had gotten in to Brown. All
roads lead to where you are. There's no telling what good may come from
that skinny envelope. Reassure them that their hard work has not been wasted.
New research shows that the true predictors for a successful life are
resilience, flexibility and persistence. All three are learned through
failure, not success. Mention this now and they might kill you. But in a
few weeks, without a word, email them this: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/18/the-9-essential-qualitie_n_4760403.html?utm_hp_ref=email_shareShow them the road ahead. Reframed
with the right perspective, this rejection is a pointer towards their
next step. After coming to terms with the hand they've been dealt, your
teen's job is to get excited about diving into the myriad of options
they do have. The trick is to help them see the truth: They are in
control. This is their life -- their move. The world is just as huge,
wide open and waiting for them as it always was. And they've still got
everything they need to end up right where they're meant to be.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Those of you who still have small children in the house may not
believe it, but one day you'll actually miss the piles of laundry and
dirty dishes left behind by your little ones. Kids -- they grow up so
fast. And while you treasure the ever-evolving relationship you now have
with your children as they grow up, admit it: you miss when they were
still your babies.
Huffington Post"s Shelley Emling asked it's readers about the things
they never thought they'd miss once their kids left the house, and
here's what they had to say. I would add the conversations around the dinner table. Finally gathering together after a busy day and catching up on our day. chrissie
1. "The noise and havoc ... of feeding hordes of teenage boys"
"I miss feeding hordes of teenage boys who ate in the 'orange food group': Doritos, mac and cheese, pizza rolls and the like."
2. "Their friends in and out of the house"3. "Reading before bedtime"
"Singing in a car pool full of little girls. Dinner time conversations
about history. Reading at bedtime. Actually, I knew I would miss all
those things, and I do."4. "Learning about them just by watching them in action"
"When they are not with me, I miss the 'ambient learning' about them.
What I mean is that 'empty cups' show me they drink chocolate milk and
'magazines' show me their interests. Kids may not always state (out
loud) what they drink... Or who they follow... But when they leave the
evidence behind (and oh, they do :-))... I get clues into who they are
and what they like. I often otherwise miss that connection."5. "All the half-full soda cans and there not being one clean glass in the house"

6. "Being right in the middle of the chaotic mess of their lives"
"Who new I would miss the chaos that five wonderful kids can create!
Whether that's their messy bathrooms, bedrooms or lives! I miss being in
the middle of the mess SOMETIMES!"7. "Shopping for prom and homecoming dresses"

10. "Doing laundry"
"Funny you asked that because I just shared a photo on my FB page of one
of the piles of towels and bedding I was left with after my daughter
and her three friends just went back to college after spending spring
break at our house. I was actually happy to be doing all that laundry
and I loved having them here and hearing all that laughing and
screaming, and the constant opening and closing of the fridge door. And I
definitely miss having an excuse for buying all that junk food."11. "Getting up and fixing a lunch. Have a good day and a kiss goodbye"

12.
"Having all their friends crash here on the weekends and breakfast
together and hearing all the stories from the night before"

Followers

About Me

Melony Carey has bachelors and masters degrees in Latin and Classics from the University of Oklahoma; she's been married for thirty-two years to Kevin and they have two college-aged children, Madison and John; she teaches at Muskogee High School, where over 6,000 exceptional people have passed through her classroom doors during the last 35 years.
Chrissie has been married to her transplanted Texan, Warren for 34 years and they have 4 children, 1 son-in law,1 daughter in law and two grandchildren.
Chrissie graduated from the University of Oklahoma with a degree in English and a minor in Theater. She worked part-time as a caterer and event coordinator while her children were small and taught at Muskogee High School for ten years. Past member: Oklahoma Arts Institute, Oklahoma Community Theatre Association and Muskogee Area Arts Council. Board member- Education Foundation of Muskogee, Muskogee Area Arts Council. Activities-Handbells at St Paul UMC, Muskogee Garden Study Club, and New Century Book Club.