Thursday, January 17, 2008

for obvious reasons, i couldn't wait for the day to end.as i headed home drained, all i wanted was a long bath and my bed (decided to skip the church service)

i need to confess, i wasn't in turmoil over just the two events of the day,the two women's dilemma brought back some unpleasant perhaps repressed memories.

exactly 5 years 2 months and 18 days ago, i was in the same position, my reaction was not anything like my reaction today.

the eventone of my girls,(she knows am writing about this) had gotten pregnant by a "hit and run" just 23years old without a meaningful job or income opted for abortion.Saying i came down hard on her would be really putting it mildly! (i was a baby christian at the time) i refused to be a part of it, i pointed out all the other options available, i even offered her financial assistance, i didn't speak to her for two weeks.

i remember that day very vividly, it was sista Roli's 35th bday (that was the only day the particular clinic did the procedure)we had all prearranged months prior to take her out since she didn't want any "noise"

not knowing she had the procedure done that day or what the recovery process was, i arrived at sista Roli's house dressed and ready to go out, only to meet five solemn faces.when i found out she had the abortion that day, i was livid! she chose the day knowing well it was sister Roli's bday and boy, was i ready to tell her how selfish she was.i asked to see her in sister Roli's room, sister Roli begged me to leave her alone but no, i insisted, it must have taken her like 5 minutes to get up but i wasn't deterred.

once in the room, let's just say, i said a whole load of crap, she didn't say a word! she just sat there looking at me with the saddest eyes (she was sitting cos she was too weak to stand) i yapped and yapped and yet she just sat there staring as if not seeing (she's not the kind not to fight back)still not satisfied, i made to take my tantrum to the others, i turned to take one last look at her and i guess say more crap, she was now in a heap on the floor sobbing quietly...

my heart broke into a million pieces at the sight of my feisty childhood friend curled up into a ball weeping uncontrollably, as i stood rooted to the spot, she started to howl much like a wounded animal..

hours later all six of us laid on the floor in that darkened bedroom exhausted from crying.

we try not to remember the crying fest that was sister Roli's bday party...(no noise, just an ocean of tears)

*****************************************************************************so u can understand my state of mind.

reluctantly i accepted Mr my1's offer to bring dinner and hang out for a little while.knowing how i love to eat,he watched in silence as i played with the food, he tried to make jokes, made a comment about my not having music blasting as usual.(wareva)

as much as i didn't want to talk about it then i knew he wouldn't leave unless i did, so i told him about the events of the day.( i couldn't tell him about my girls 's past)

his eyes narrowed,(i was so not prepared for what was coming)and his mouth opened and closed for what seemed like an eternity..

basically, he was surprised i didn't try to persuade her(little sister) to have the baby, how he thinks she obviously came to me for direction seeing that she didn't come to me the fist time, and how it was not just her decision alone, if the father wanted her to keep the child she shud def keep it.(i asked,does wanting mean the same as will be responsible for? to his annoyance)he wanted to know if i wud kill his child(o yes,i told him,i didn't know he had a child to more vexation)

he went on to complain about how he was not happy i spent the first weekend of the year with my girls(yes o, we went away to the mountain top) how we have not had "the couple's reflection and plans" for the new year (there is such a thing?)blah blah..

all i had was a rueful smile on my lips, i had no fight in me at all.he finally left in a huff to my relief.(he later called to apologise and we talked long into the night)

i wish he'd known that, us girls had to go away that weekend because over the Christmas holidays we realized our lives are changing rather rapidly and will def never be able to get away together as usual for a long time.why? despite three out of the five being married, we were still able to get away together at least twice a year, but now, with a child on the way, we had to accept the inevitable.

yes o, my girl is expecting her first baby! and i get a chance to redeem myself,(yes, am still paying)i have resolved to be there for her every step of the way.(her poor husband has accepted his fate)

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

a tap on the door, looked up,it's my lovely 22 year old little sister!(my sister by nomination)i flash her a smile, motions her to come in and take a seat while i grid/update a file.she walks into my office and she closed the door,(the girl does not know the word privacy! so i knew it had to be really good or very bad)

she smiled as she takes a seat

me: what's up?her:i have something to tell ume:okayyy

her: u re going to be very disappointed in me, i am so sorry to let u down...(sobbing)me:what did u do now?( deciding not to make any assumptions) her:i am pregnant..me: no!(looking at her in disbelief,i would never have guessed that)her:this is the second timeme:crum!(trying to compose myself)what are u going to do?

her:i know what u 're going say! it's a sin to kill God's gift and all that, but there's no other choice! i can't have this baby! there goes all my dreams of graduating next year,owning my own house, driving the car of my dreams before i turn 28!... like u... u are so wrong! wrong! wrong! am so so stupid!...

me:calm down(now on her side with a box of tissue and hugging her)u thought i was going to judge u? cos am a christian? u def don't know me at all.(shaking head )

her:i have heard u say women should be tested for mental illness,given competency tests before licensing them to have children!me:exactly! u my dear, would have flunked nicely! u def don't want to know what i think shud be done to adults who engage in unprotected sex!just kidding! look, u know i care very deeply about u, i still think u 're bright and the sky is ur limit. i respect ur choice. it is ur choice u know?. her:i feel very badly, but there's no other way.. me:what does he say?her:am not telling him this time, the last time he cried and begged me to keep it!me:aw www!her:u think i shod tell him?me:it's ur choice. u know how i feel about keeping secrets and lying, it takes too much energy to maintain a lie and it always ends up biting u in the butt.her:he's going to make it more difficult for meme:do u hear urself? he's not the one carrying the child and he's partially to blame her:thanks, i 'll keep u posted.me:if u need me for anything, just askher:babysitting?(smiling sadly)me:neh gah tive! i don't think so!

i hug her tight.she leaves to face her day and me mine in a state of turmoil..

about two hours later,a tap, i look up, it's another sister.this one is beaming with joy! she announces she's pregnant with her first baby after just five months of marriage.as i hug her, my eyes brims with tears, of joy for one and sadness for another.