The symptoms of codependency

by Rachel on October 14, 2015

* Low self-esteem:

Do not think you are good enough, or comparison with others is a sign of low self-esteem. The tricky thing about self-esteem is that some people think highly of himself, but it’s just not the kind or insufficient cover for a really feel. Among them, usually hidden from consciousness, are feelings of shame. Some of the things that go along with low self-esteem are guilt and perfectionism. If everything is perfect, you do not feel bad for you

* People like

It’s good to anyone interested please you want, but usually Codependents not think they have a choice. Causes say “no” they fear. Some co-addicts have a hard time saying “no” to anyone. They go out of their way, and sacrifice their own needs to others.

* Poor limits

The limits are a kind of an imaginary line between you and the other. He shares what belongs to you and someone else, and this is true not only for the body, money and property, but also your feelings, thoughts and needs. This is particularly the case of co-addicts have trouble. You have blurred or weak boundaries between themselves and others. You feel the feelings and the responsibility of other people’s problems or blame their own to someone else.

Some codependents have rigid boundaries. They are closed and retracted, making it difficult to get other people near them. Sometimes people come and go between having low limits and those rigid.

* reactivity

A consequence of poor boundaries is that you have to thoughts and feelings of everyone to react. If someone says something you disagree with, you can believe it or defensive. They absorb their words, because there is no limit. With a border, you would realize that it was just her mind and not a reflection of you and you do not feel threatened by disagreements.

* Guarding

Another poor border effect that if someone The problem is a different for them to want to help, to the point that you abandon. It is natural to feel empathy and sympathy for someone, but codependents start another man himself. In fact, they need to help and may feel rejected if another person does not want help. In addition, they continue to try to help and fix the other person, even if that person is clearly not advice.

* Control

System helps codependents feel safe. Everyone needs a certain amount of control over events in their lives. You would not want to live in perpetual insecurity and chaos, but co-dependent, limited control their ability to take risks and their feelings. Sometimes they have an addiction that helps either, sagging, such as alcoholism, or helps them keep their low feelings workaholism, so they do not feel out of control.

Codependents also have those who control them as they near other people, to feel a certain way in the behavior of the command. In fact, as individuals and care can be controlled and manipulated humans. Alternatively codependents Bossy and tell you what you should or should not do. This is a violation of the border to someone else.

* dysfunctional communication

Codependents have difficulties when it comes to communicate their thoughts, feelings and needs goes. Of course, if you do not know what you think, feel or need, this is a problem. Other times, you know, but you will not own up to your truth. You are afraid to be honest, because you do not want to bother anyone else. Instead of saying “I do not want”, one could say that it is normal, or what to do to tell someone Communication is dishonest and confusing if you try to manipulate the other person to fear

* Obsessions

Codependents tend to spend their time on other people or relationships . This is caused by their addiction and fears and anxieties They can also be obsessed when they think they have done or can do an “error”

Sometimes you have in the imagination, how you want things to be confiscated or someone you love as a way to avoid this potential pain. This is a way to stay in denial discussed below below, but it keeps you in your life

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* Dependence

Codependents need others they like feeling good about themselves and they fear rejection or abandoned – even if they can function on their own. Others need to be always in a relationship because they feel depressed or lonely if they aspire to himself. This feature makes it difficult for them to end a relationship, even if the relationship is painful or abusive. You end up feeling trapped.

* Refused

One of the problems that people face in getting the help co-dependency is that, meaning in denial about it, they do not face their problem. Usually think the problem is, someone else or the situation. Or complain that they hold or to try to fix the other person, or you go from one relationship or job to another and never have the fact that they have a problem.

Codependents also denying their feelings and needs. Often they do not know what they feel and are instead focused on what others feel. The same goes for their needs. Pay attention to the needs of others and not their own. You may be in denial about their space and autonomy. Although some seem codependents needy, others act as they are self-sufficient when it comes to need help. You will not be achieved, and are struggling to receive. They are in denial of their vulnerability and yearning for love and intimacy.

* Problems with intimacy

I do not want to see sex, although Sexual dysfunction is often a reflection of a problem of privacy. I am about to open and close with someone in an intimate relationship talk. Due to the limitations of shame and weakness, you may fear that you will be judged, rejected or abandoned. On the other hand, you can smothered in a relationship anxiety and loss of autonomy. They might refuse your need for closeness and feel that your partner wants too much time; Your partner complains that you are not available, but he or deny his need for separation.

The other symptoms result, feelings of anger and resentment, depression and despair. If the feelings are too much, you may feel numb.

There is help for the restoration and modification. The first step is always guidance and support. These symptoms are entrenched habits and difficult to identify and modify their own. Join a twelve step program as Codependents Anonymous or ask for advice. Work on building your self-esteem always affirmed. (Get my free ebook on how assertiveness).

Bio: Darlene Lancer is a marriage and family therapist and author of “codependency for Dummies”. She is an expert, consultant and speaker on relationships, addiction and codependency. Their office is located in Santa Monica, California, where she helped individuals and couples over 25 years.