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The day I died

I tried to remember what happened but I couldn’t. It was as if the last 30 seconds of my life were erased from my memory. I felt like a big weight was taken off my shoulders. I was floating into space. There, I could see the world for what it really was – a haven overwhelmed with more selfish, power-hungry scavengers than do-gooders. It wasn’t getting better with time. It was getting worse. But I still wanted to be part of this cruel world. I wanted to experience life outside my comfort zone. Sadly, that wasn’t to be.

You see, I was right next to the guy who took my rightful place. We were pretty much identical. We were also quite aggressive and against all odds we beat millions of other hopefuls to the promise land – but there was only room for one. We faced-off for what felt like an eternity and then I thought, ‘What good would it be if neither of us gets to experience life?’ ‘What makes me better than this guy?’ ‘Why do I deserve to go?’ I couldn’t answer that question. I backed down and let my rival get past me – It was an excruciating sacrifice. I was able to catch one last glimpse of new life in motion before amnesia set in.

What then was my purpose? I was no better than my fallen comrades who died in paper graves and latex coffins. I didn’t make first place. I felt like a pushover, a loser, a quitter. But there was one thing my rival said after I let him swim past me that I’ll never forget, ‘I won’t let you down’.

That wasn’t exactly a thank you but it was good enough. Today marks the day that he remembered me. He has experienced pain, hurt and anger. But he has also experienced peace, joy and love. With regards how he treats people I think a bit of myself rubbed off on him.