Rants of a ‘Writer’

When it comes to writing, my first experience was writing my name during my kindergarten days. In fact, writing is just an inevitable part of my life. Same as reading, I am lazy doing this thing. I really don’t want to see myself writing such things which do not help me wash the dishes. Essays are the least activity I’m into. In short, I am just a girl who doesn’t have anything to do when I was younger.

But, being exposed to many reading materials online, I am now interested in writing, as well as reading. Reading became my hobby when I took a subject on Developmental Reading. Although I read short stories when I was in high school, reading novels and other books which I considered so boring and long was not my hobby. It’s just something to do because my English teacher told me to do so. But then, I realized that reading is indulging myself into a new world. When I read, I feel like I’m an outcast from reality. These kinds of thoughts and realizations made me read more.

So how was my reading connected with my interest in writing? After I read books, I dreamed of writing my own story. I consider myself to be hopeless romantic that’s why I started to write a love story. It’s kinda cliché because the plot is just about a young girl and a seminarian. Yeah. Since I spend my weekends in church, I expected myself to be writing this kind of stuff.

I posted my first ever story on Wattpad.com. It’s a site for young and aspiring writers who want their works to be read by readers on that site. At first, I never longed for readers on my work. Every day, I update my stories. I don’t give a damn even if my stories aren’t read. As long as I am happy, I update it.

However, this enthusiasm did not last. Competition on that site is present. And as a young writer, I aimed at having thousands of fans. I even wanted to have lots of readers to appreciate my work. Hah. These were the things that I wanted. In short, I wanted ‘fame’.

I’m thankful that I realized that fame was not my main goal in writing. Fame is just a bonus after completing ever chapter of my story. Fame is just something that should not be expected. It won’t make you happy. I tell you. I’m grateful that I did not become famous. At least, I received an adorable number of fans. I’m happy with that. I also meet friend which shares the same thoughts as mine. I am really blessed.

Although it’s been two years since I started writing, I confess that there are times that I compare myself to other successful writers. These are the writers who have already published their books. These are the writers who received awards for their works. I feel envious about those. How about me? Sometimes, I feel that I am not a writer. Maybe I should let myself think that I am just a ‘frustrated writer’ ‘forever’.

Moreover, I still wonder why there are some people who say that they like my work. There are some who say that they envy me being a writer. In fact, I do not even consider myself a writer. I consider myself as an individual who just writes, the same way as a child starts writing his name.

As of now, I can’t write anything. My Creative Writing subject requires me to do many writings before the semester ends, but here I am, sharing my rants. I do not even know if someone reads it. I do not know.

Published by kimderla

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4 thoughts on “Rants of a ‘Writer’”

Kim, this is what I’m feeling now, you know. Hay. One of my fave. writers on the net will be publishing a book, too. And I feel envious and frustrated again. Hay. I agree with you…I sometimes, no, let me say always… thought that I will be a forever frustrated writer. But hey, maybe someday…. we can publish a book too! 🙂