Friday, October 28, 2005

The past few days, in between of studying and doing assignments …I had the pleasure of watching this movie and its sequel. With the trials and tribulations of the heart that I have been through for the past year, I nominate myself as the male equivalent of the lead character ;-)

Ever wish that once you can be a android, devoid of human emotions ? I remembered that I once wished I was Data ( from Star Trek : The Next Generation ) … due to the sole fact that emotions can either push you or pull you, depending on how it is handled. But, on the other hand, emotions is what makes us human eh …. The cruelest pain that one can inflict on another is not the pain of the physical kind, for the wounds may heal, but the pain of the emotional kind. Pain, that takes quite a while to heal and perhaps never heal at all.

It is this pain which I have carried so long .. and twisted as it may sound, at times, it is more comforting than the fear of unknown. When one lets go of the pain in the past, that is a whole new territory to explore, where fear of the unknown takes into effect. I have been jorneying to the unknown for the past year, inch by inch, step by step. And at times, there is a tendency for me to crawl into the comfortable shell, eyeing the world through wary and weary eyes.

It is through the assistance and guidance of people whom you know, love and trust, that you are able to make it through. It is aptly described below ….“ A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities. - William Arthur Ward – “

It is my hope and wish, to you dear reader, that this post, out of the ordinary as it is, would spark you a little bit in living this life …. Most of the time, we go through the motions in living … but, if we stop once a while, and look around where we are .. we can change the motion..

I leave you with this excerpt from The Prophet – Khalil Gibran –

Reason & Passion

And the priestess spoke again and said:

"Speak to us of Reason and Passion."

And he answered saying:

Your soul is oftentimes a battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgment wage war against passion and your appetite.

Would that I could be the peacemaker in your soul, that I might turn the discord and the rivalry of your elements into oneness and melody.

But how shall I, unless you yourselves be also the peacemakers, nay, the lovers of all your elements?

Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul.

If either your sails or our rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas.

For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction.

Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion; that it may sing;

And let it direct your passion with reason, that your passion may live through its own daily resurrection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes.

I would have you consider your judgment and your appetite even as you would two loved guests in your house.

Surely you would not honour one guest above the other; for he who is more mindful of one loses the love and the faith of both.

Among the hills, when you sit in the cool shade of the white poplars, sharing the peace and serenity of distant fields and meadows - then let your heart say in silence, "God rests in reason."

And when the storm comes, and the mighty wind shakes the forest, and thunder and lightning proclaim the majesty of the sky, - then let your heart say in awe, "God moves in passion."

And since you are a breath In God's sphere, and a leaf in God's forest, you too should rest in reason and move in passion.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

This morning .. between Sahur n Subuh prayers .. I did some thinking and resolution .. I wont say it here .. but, it is an ever improving process for me personally. The last few weeks have interesting ....

1) A few people close to me have given some feedback on my current life. Of course, it aint bed of roses, but I do appreciate the feedback. In a sense, it had confirmed in one way or another, what I knew I went through these past years. The light is appearing ... and the end of the tunnel is what I see now.

My thanks to Inn, Errol n my sis :-)

2) Remember that flicker ? It is now steadily illuminating .. honestly, I have been going through a see saw of emotions because of this flicker ...really, it is due to the stuff in the past. The demons were playing with me .. again, my best friend helped to make things clear ... and to a certain extent and credit, this flicker has been very patient ... and I am surprised by this positive development. One step at a time ... and I am moving forward. :-)

ps/ tu sbb previous post in French ;-)

2.1 ) Thanks to this program, I have been downloading songs like crazy ;-).. especially, classic stuff .. the song below is something I was looking for ages .. and syukur, I found it ! ;-)

HANDS TO HEAVEN - Breathe -

As I watch you move, across the moonlit roomThere's so much tenderness in your lovingTomorrow I must leave, the dawn knows no reprieveGod give me strength when I am leaving

Chorus: So raise your hands to heaven and prayThat we'll be back together somedayTonight, I need your sweet caressHold me in the darknessTonight, you calm my restlessnessYou relieve my sadness

As we move to embrace, tears run down your faceI whisper words of love, so softlyI can't believe this pain, it's driving me insaneWithout your touch, life will be lonely

Repeat Chorus

Morning has come,I must pack my bags and say goodbye, Goodbye

:-)

My last sentence for this post comes from this author... whose books I have read and re-read, inspires me daily :-) ..

" Life keeps giving you the same lessons until you have learned from it, made adjustments and move on ! "