8 Things Men Don’t Want To Hear You Say To Them

1. That’s not the way my ex did it.

You never talk about your ex in front of her. So you obviously weren’t prepared for this. Now you’re being measured against the man she dumped. Ouch. Defend yourself, quickly.

2. Be a man.

Nothing is quite as injurious as having your very manhood questioned. You could give in to her shame tactics and do what she wants, or deflect it by saying, “How about you be a woman and quit nagging?”

3. We need to talk.

What everyone should know about these words is that no good news ever follows. These four ominous words signal a problem with the relationship. Expect a breakup, or at the very least a long talk about how you’re not meeting her needs. Either way, it’s not pleasant. And there is little you can do to avoid it.

4. My friend is pregnant or engaged.

This seems harmless enough right? But in truth this statement really means, “When will we be engaged/pregnant?”

So be prepared with an expert diversion such as faking a seizure when you hear that. Unfortunately, nothing will help you when she comes at you with the even more chilling…

“I’m pregnant.”

Good luck, buddy.

5. I have a headache.

That means no action for you tonight, buddy. But you can beat her to it. If you sense she’s particularly tired when you’re Hot, give her an unsolicited aspirin. If she says, “But I don’t have a headache,” ahaa!! you guessed right. What next?

6. I’ve been thinking.

If she actually tells you she’s been thinking, it’s definitely serious. And you can bet it involves marriage or cohabitation, or the bitter end. And this comes in different forms and colors such as: “Why do you love me?” and “Have you ever thought about the future?” Again, have a brilliant exit plan at hand, you could really use it.

7. My parents want to meet you.

Well from my understanding this could mean just two things:

a- The relationship has crossed an important milestone of seriousness.
b- You’re about to be placed under the family scrutiny microscope.

At this point all you can do is hope her father doesn’t mention that he has some rusty wire cutters he wants to put to use.

8. Do you find her pretty?

She already caught you looking at that mind-blowing blonde that walked by, no matter how covert your glance. So if you say “no,” she’ll know you’re lying and an argument will ensue. This is the time for very artful tact, such as, “Kind of, her ass is huge.” Now pray.

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