Stop thinking about your ex

The dust has settled, the tears have dried (sort of!), and
it's been a few weeks since you and your partner ended your
relationship.

Life should be getting back to normal, but no matter how
hard you try you can't stop thinking about your ex.

Wherever you go, whatever you do, there they are at the back
of your mind. Taunting you with happy memories of time spent
together. Reminding you of all the good times, and constantly
replaying the moment you went your separate ways like a broken
record.

You know you can't carry on this way, but how are you going
to shake these feelings?

The first thing you must do if you're to stand any chance
of moving on is to identify exactly what you're feeling. Here
are some of the most common emotions you may be experiencing:

Loss - This is the most common feeling to have during the
early weeks after a break up. You'll obviously be feeling the
loss of the relationship itself, but it's quite likely you'll
be feeling the loss of the friendship if you haven't parted
amicably.

Then there's the loss of physical intimacy, and the closeness
that comes with being in a committed relationship.

Especially if your partner was unfaithful or hurt you in
some way. You may be having dark thoughts of revenge or sudden
outbursts of uncontrollable fury every time your ex's name's
mentioned.

Fear - This is another common emotion experienced after the
breakdown of a relationship. The fear can be about being left
"on the shelf", alone and unloved for the rest of your days,
or you might be feeling anxious about being hurt again in the
future.

Confusion - It's quite possible you're not even sure why the
relationship ended. If it ended suddenly you may be left wondering
what went wrong, and whether you could have done something to
save it.

Loneliness - When you've been in a committed partnership for
any length of time and suddenly find yourself single again,
you can be left feeling incredibly lonely; even with your friends
and family around to support you.

This can also lead to feelings of guilt and resentment, which
will also add to the emotional distress you're already going
through.

The important thing to remember is that these feelings are
all very normal. It's generally known as the "mourning period",
and in the same way you'd grieve when a loved one passes, human
beings also grieve at the death of a relationship.

Like any mourning period the feelings are at their most acute
in the weeks and months after the break up, however, if symptoms
persist you need to consider the consequences of living in the
past and refusing to let go of your ex.

Why you have to move on

Getting on with your life may seem impossible right now,
but the sooner you "get back to normal" and start living again
the more chance you give yourself of a full emotional recovery.

Here are some simple things you should be doing to help you
stop thinking about your ex:

Catch up with friends - It's not unusual for friends
to take a bit of a back seat when you're in the throes of
a passionate relationship. Once you find yourself happily
single again you should devote as much time as possible
to your friends. Meet up once or twice a week and do something
you enjoy.

Keep yourself busy - This could be a good time to start
a new hobby or past-time. Not only will keeping yourself
busy help you get your mind off your ex, but you'll also
get the chance to get out there and meet new people.

Treat yourself - Why not treat yourself to a new wardrobe,
or that brand new 3D television you've been promising to
buy? This is the perfect time to be good to yourself, and
to indulge in some "you" time.

Get dating - While it's not advisable to begin your
search for Mr/Mrs Right the second your ex closes the door,
there's absolutely nothing wrong with going on some friendly
dates.

Don't jump headlong into a new relationship, but take the
time to meet new people and have a laugh. Flirting is good for
the soul so they say!

Time to love again

The best advice for those recently finding themselves back
in the dating pool is to not allow previous let downs to hold
you back.

Just because your ex may have been unfaithful, or smashed
your heart into a million pieces, doesn't mean it's going to
happen again. In fact, many people have found the love of their
lives immediately after a painful breakup.

While you might find moving on hard right now, and while
the thought of meeting someone new may seem like an impossible
dream, you have to accept that not all relationships are going
to work out.

In fact there's an above average chance that if this was
your first painful break up, at some point in the future you'll
experience another. Love can hurt, but it can also be the most
beautiful, joyous, and most fulfilling emotion on the planet.

If you've just broken up with your partner, the only way
you're going to have a chance to experience love at its finest
is to stop thinking about your ex!

Get back with your ex!

We are dedicated to helping you do just that. Whether you want to get back
with your ex girlfriend, or get your boyfriend back -- we have the best, no-nonsense
advice to help you plan your attack. Let us help you get your lover back!

Finally, finally finished looking over the other self-help books available for helping you get back together with your ex.
The Magic of Making Up still stands as our top choice, but here's the list of others with links to our reviews:

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