February 14 would have been my due date. "What an appropriate
due date!" people would often tell me. Now it's just a day
that I have been dreading ever since my son passed away.
It is very painful to think that so much has happened in the last 3 months and he...really should STILL be in my tummy. We miss him so
much. Our lives are forever changed. We no longer have the same
dreams; aspirations and hope...

I'm very sorry for your loss. I know how much you miss Josiah. The due date can be such an emotional time. Three months is a short time after such a huge loss. It will take time. I'll be thinking of you.

Mu due date was a very hard day for me as Katlyne was already born but living on a vent. It was very emotional where the nurses hung up a sign happy due date Katlyne but it was anything but a happy day for me.

Two weeks later we loss our little girl to BPD (damaged to her lungs caused by the vent) we have learned how to celebrate Katlyne's life and all the blessings and joy she brought to us. Yes, at first it was very hard but I thank God each and everyday for a wonderful time we had together.....

I feel like I cannot celebrate Josiah's brief life. Of course he
was a blessing, but I can't help and feel bad for the hard time
he had in the NICU. (The only place where he lived his life.)
Oh, how I wish things would have been different for him, but I
know wishing will not change anything.

As how well I know what you mean... Katlyne never came home from the NICU she spent her full life there. We celebrated each and every day she was alive. We had weekly birthday parties (since the doctors told us she would not live 1 week) all the way to have a HUGE 3 month birthday party. For her first birthday we went back to the NICU to celebrate her life with a memorial balloon release and a donation drive for lulliby tapes and players for the other babies. Since Katlyne LOVED listening to music (She mostly listen to John Tesh Worship CD).

Everyone handles the dates differently, but if you need someone to chat with to help you through out the days please feel free to e-mail me at trakapp@charter.net.

PS... The memorial tribute at my signature is a tribute that the funeral home put together for us. Of course, it is sad to look at but it does show the love and wonderful life of our little angel girl....

My due date was 10/25/03, I delivered in July and my son passed away 5 days later. When the calendar hit 10/1/03, I felt as though the grief was starting all over. I had such plans for October, all of them included bringing home a healthy baby... I had a friend who lost her 1st little one to HELLP tell me that the anticipation of the due date was worse than the day itself. I thought she was crazy at first but, after the day had passed, in some ways I agreed with her. All the days leading up to the due date were days that things "should" have happened on... I should have been packing for the hospital, I should have been feeling the baby move around, I should have been feeling contractions, I should be giving birth, etc. Once the due date passed, in some ways I felt like I could start looking towards new beginings and things that will hopefully happen in the future. Of course I still think that I "should" have a baby right now and he "should" be smiling at me and waking me through the night... but, I have been able to embrace more and more the miracle that his life was and focus on that. I am forever grateful for him and will also forever mourn that I will never have him here with me.

Thank You for sharing. I think I know what you mean. What I still
can't seem to "grasp" is the concept of celebrating his life. It's
just hard for me to accept that God could've pulled him through, but decided not to[V]. I wanted to give my baby so much and it really
hurts everything he went through. Friends I was pregnant with
have all been giving birth. I have been staying away because it's
too painful to see what they have which I feel I should have too
and was stolen from me.
Take care,

I know exactly what you are going through. I had my baby girl on Nov 29th 2003. She lived for 7 days in the NICU. I do not know how to get through this and it seems to be getting worse. We can only hope that once we make it passed the due date, we can start to heal. My due date is March 9th, and it is really hard right now to think that I should still be pregnant. Please write to me if you ever want to talk
Kristen

Yesterday I got the pictures we took of Josiah before he passed.
They were so hard to see, but I felt like I needed to see them.
His condition had deteriorated so much.. It was really hard to
see what our child ended up like after having so many plans for
him and wanting to give the world to him.(Not to mention that we
had prayed for his little being for years.
Even before TTC)I've been thinking that it would be hard to take
the risk of this happening again in the future. Of course we want children but I feel like the stakes are too high. Adoption is becoming the only option for us. I don't know if anybody who has lost a precious baby can relate to how I'm feeling? I feel like, "how can I risk bringing another precious little one into
this world to have him suffer?

Today I was told of a woman who was pregnant with twins and
developed pre eclampsia. Her twins were delivered at 31 weeks
but at some point developed horrible brain hemorraging. I
just couldn't believe this- at 31 weeks a baby should be okay!
Well, unfortunately they are severely disabled. Mom has to take
care of them full time. My heart went out to her. She is really
having a hard time and it seems like she will soon be putting
them into a baby nursery.