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About Debbie Roffman

Named one of Time Magazine’s “Top Sixteen Parenting Experts for the 21st Century,” Debbie Roffman is a sexuality educator, consultant, and author based in Baltimore, Maryland, where she has taught sexuality education in grades 4-12 at the Park School for more than 35 years. Debbie’s most recent book, Talk to Me First: Everything You Need to Know to Become Your Kids’ “Go-To” Person About Sex, was published in 2013 by Perseus Books. In addition to her constant writing and teaching, she’s worked with parents, teachers, counselors, administrators, students, alumni, and trustees at more than 400 schools and organizations across the country, and she publishes widely throughout the national media. She’s referred to by her colleagues as the most articulate professional voice in the US on the need for broad-based human sexuality education. Her ability to find common ground by keeping the focus on young people and their universal needs around healthy sexual development is one of her gifts.

“I’d like to add another dimension to the discussion. Certainly, girls and women are devalued in our society, even to the extent of being portrayed as objects and, therefore, not fully human, but let’s also consider how deeply the culture demeans and dehumanizes boys.”

“It should not be at all surprising that high school students cannot easily integrate these kinds of conversations about sex into their social life or, for that matter, even imagine having them. The kind of clarity and directness, and the willingness to take ownership of one’s sexual decisions and behaviors, is undermined constantly by the unhealthy and often mixed messages young people receive about sexuality and gender in our culture.”

“We can’t shift the sex education paradigm until we acknowledge the monumental changes in American society and in young people’s physiology that have coalesced to create a 12-to-13-year gap between sexual and reproductive maturity and age at first marriage. In the absence of adult preparation and guidance, how surprised should we be that so many young people turn to pornography and hookup culture?”

…about “How to talk to your children, adolescents and young adults about their bodies – and sex!” on Sirius/XM Dr. Radio on October 23, 2015. The Child Psych & Parenting Show, “About Our Kids“,, broadcasts in conjunction with the New York University Child Study Center in New York.

“Labeling parents as conservative or liberal does a disservice to children. Political ideology is about adults and their worldview, not about children and their developmentally based needs.

“The purpose of parenting is to nurture children, who come into the world as helpless, totally dependent infants, to a state of near total independence as young adults. When we make parenting about politics we miss that point entirely. Parenting is a job, and if we’re really good at what we do, our children eventually fire us, which was the point all along.”

“I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that the Steubenville episode — followed in quick succession by a series of other high-profile cases — was transformative. It jump-started an ongoing, long overdue dialogue about sexual assault in the public arena and on high school and college campuses that has ultimately led to profound cultural change: The nation, finally, has begun to take the issue of sexual assault — and its victims, causes, perpetrators, and facilitators — seriously.

“Changing Language, Changing Expectations

“One of the most significant and hopeful outcomes of this intense scrutiny has been a powerful paradigm shift in how we now think and talk about sexual assault, and how we distinguish it from mutually consensual sexual behaviors.

“Increasingly, in the eyes of prosecutors, legislators, school personnel, and the general public, the “absence of no” is no longer an acceptable or sufficient standard for determining when mutual consent exists. In the new standard, known as “affirmative consent,” an individual must ask for and receive a direct, verbal “yes” from a potential partner before any kind of sexual contact can proceed.”

“We know from decades of research that children and adolescents raised by adults who educate and converse with them about sexuality grow up in healthier ways than their peers. For example, while common nonsense might hold that “knowing leads to doing” or some other unwanted effect, just the opposite is true: Kids with this kind of guidance and support significantly postpone involvement in sexual behaviors as they mature. Keeping them in the dark, in other words, is the real danger here.”

……

‘Bottom line: The kind of readiness young children need to learn about their origins — or, really, about any other topic related to sexuality — is primarily cognitive readiness, notemotional readiness, as manyadults, out of their own anxieties, project it to be.”

About Debbie Roffman’s most recent book, Talk to Me First: Everything You Need to Know to Become Your Kids’ “Go-To” Person About Sex

Nationally acclaimed – and named one of Time Magazine’s “Top Sixteen Parenting Experts for the 21st Century – educator and author of Sex and Sensibility, Deborah Roffman distills her more than thirty years of experience teaching kids—and their parents—into this indispensable guide, helping you to be your kids’ number one source for information and guidance on human sexuality. Roffman tackles everything from developmental stages to strategies for handling embarrassing or difficult conversations, offering the best ways to make sure you both keep talking (and listening).

Deborah Roffman’s work on childhood and teen sexuality has been featured in numerous publications, including the Washington Post and USA Today. A recipient of the Mary Lee Tatum Apple Award from Planned Parenthood Federation of America, she has also been recognized by the National Federation of Republican Women. The mother of two grown sons, she lives with her husband in Baltimore, Maryland.

We live in a time when kids of all ages are bombarded with age-sensitive material wherever they turn; “sexting” and bullying are on the rise at an increasingly younger age, and teen moms are “celebrified.” What is a concerned–and embarrassed–parent to do? With wit, wisdom, and savvy, Deborah Roffman translates her experiences gleaned from decades of teaching kids and parents, and as a mom, into strategies to help parents navigate this tricky terrain. Talk to Me First is for any parent who wants to become and remain the most credible and influential resource about sexuality in their children’s lives.

On July 28, 2016, The New York Times published my letter in response to “On PornHub, Nobody Knows You’re a Kid,” by Judith Shulevitz (Sunday Review, July 17). http://goo.gl/l9TYeM Here's an excerpt:
“Labeling parents as conservative or liberal does a disservice to children. Political ideology is about adults and their worldview, not about children and their developmentally based needs.
“The purpose of parenting is to nurture children, who come into the world as helpless, totally dependent infants, to a state of near total independence as young adults. When we make parenting about politics we miss that point entirely. Parenting is a job, and if we’re really good at what we do, our children eventually fire us, which was the point all along.”
http://goo.gl/l9TYeM

A human sexuality teacher writes that parents should be the ones “framing the conversation about sex” before pornographic websites do.

My latest post at the NAIS (National Association of Independent Schools) "Independent Ideas" blog is now up: "Affirmative Consent: Flipping the Paradigm About Sexual Assault" 4/13/2016.
A short excerpt: "One of the most significant and hopeful outcomes of this intense scrutiny has been a powerful paradigm shift in how we now think and talk about sexual assault, and how we distinguish it from mutually consensual sexual behaviors.
"Increasingly, in the eyes of prosecutors, legislators, school personnel, and the general public, the “absence of no” is no longer an acceptable or sufficient standard for determining when mutual consent exists. In the new standard, known as “affirmative consent,” an individual must ask for and receive a direct, verbal “yes” from a potential partner before any kind of sexual contact can proceed."
http://www.nais.org/Independent-Ideas/Lists/Posts/Post.aspx?ID=537

Rape charges brought against two popular high school students in Steubenville, Ohio, in 2012, and the students’ subsequent trial and convictions in 2013, placed a harsh and unprecedented national spotlight on the occurrence and dynamics of sexual assault among teenagers.