Transgender WPI student leading effort to help others

Pat Rowan remembers the dark nights. Years of feeling what he calls the "overwhelming wrongness" of being a male in a female body led to confusion, isolation and, at times, desperation. When it got particularly bad, he kept two of the four family dogs close by.

Years of feeling what he calls the "overwhelming wrongness" of being a male in a female body led to confusion, isolation and, at times, desperation. When it got particularly bad, he kept two of the four family dogs close by.

"On those nights I slept with the two big dogs," Rowan said. "I knew I wouldn't be able to do anything to myself if they were around."

Lori Wentworth can relate to Rowan's struggle, though hers played out over decades, not years. A man who transitioned to a woman at 50, Wentworth can recall her own dark nights.

"I did feel alone. I did feel isolated. I did feel like I was the only one in the entire universe who felt that way," she said.

Now, in separate efforts, Rowan and Wentworth are helping others who might be in the same situation.

Rowan, 19, is president of The Alliance at WPI, a student organization that is broadening its reach to support more people on campus with different sexual orientations and gender identities.

Wentworth is a board member of the support group PFLAG (Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) of Greater Worcester, and an adviser at Safe Homes, a Worcester drop-in center for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youths.

A junior at WPI, Rowan grew up in Wilton, Conn. He said he was never "girly," and favored playing with action figures and hanging out with boys. Diagrams of the male and female anatomy in grade school were confusing, since Rowan felt like a boy but looked like a girl.

In high school sex education class, students were required to write an essay on body image. "I wrote about how I thought I should be a guy," Rowan said. The essay got the attention of the teacher, who called it odd and recommended counseling, but did not contact Rowan's parents.

Through adolescence and much of high school, Rowan agonized alone over his identity. He wished he could have been a Boy Scout, could have been in the boys' gym class, could have been accepted as a true "bro" by male friends.

"It was a feeling of being stuck," he said one recent afternoon in the campus center at WPI. "I didn't really know what to do. It was a feeling of overwhelming wrongness that was pretty much impossible to fight."

Rowan learned about being transgender online, and finally came out to a female friend in high school while they lay on the football field at night, looking at the stars. He told his friend, "My body doesn't match my brain." The friend had known something was up, and accepted the situation.

However, Rowan did not get the same reaction from a male friend, who responded, "Oh, don't be a tranny," a term offensive to transgender people. Their friendship ended.

Since then, Rowan has come out to his parents, who have struggled with the news, and received counseling. Presenting as a man since freshman year, he plans to have breast surgery next year and hormone replacement and further transitional surgery after college.

Rowan said for the most part, WPI has been a welcoming and accepting place, though he has heard derogatory comments about transsexuals in the dorm and said he was discouraged by a fraternity from joining.

As president of The Alliance, Rowan hopes to increase awareness of the group and provide education on issues affecting gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transsexuals and others.

When he was younger, Rowan could have benefited from organizations like Safe Homes, which is run by the Bridge of Central Massachusetts and provides information and support for young people of differing sexual orientations or who might be questioning their gender identity, and PFLAG, a support group.

Wentworth sure wishes they were around when she was young.

"Can you imagine growing up in the '60s, when the subject wasn't even talked about?" she said.

Wentworth knew "something wasn't connecting my body with my mind," but felt she couldn't turn to her parents or the church her family attended at the time.

Instead, she lived the life of a man, hoping the disconnect would go away with dating, marriage and fathering children. It didn't.

Finally, around 2000, she came out to her pastor, Judy Hanlon of Hadwen Park Congregational Church, and set out on the long road of transitioning to a woman. She learned a lot about the process at a conference on transgender health care at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, received specialized counseling and went to an endocrinologist to begin hormone therapy.

Now in her mid-50s, living in Worcester and working as a self-employed graphic designer, Wentworth says she has lost some friends but gained many more, remains good friends with her former wife and has an excellent relationship with her two adult children.

"Part of my waiting was to protect my children when they were small," she said.

Wentworth said there is far more information and other resources available today for youths of differing sexual orientation and gender identity, including support groups and churches like Hadwen Park, which considers acceptance part of its mission.

She urges young people to take advantage of the Internet, but only as a starting point, then getting specialized counseling and treatment from medical professionals. And she hopes the health care system will eventually treat everyone equally by covering transgender surgery and other procedures, which can cost tens of thousands of dollars.

"My advice to transgender kids is to take your time in making this life changing journey," Wentworth said. "As we make our transition, everyone around us has to make the transition, too. That will take educating, time and patience. It helps to surround yourself with loving and caring people."

For more information, visit www.worcesterpflag.org, www.safehomesma.org, or the Facebook page of The Alliance at WPI.

CDL A DELIVERY DRIVERS Home Every Night! Needed for our Worcester Depot! Drive local - No more spending valuable nights away from your family! As a Direct Store Delivery Representative YOU have the opportunity to make a difference with our customers! Provide excellent customer service; interact in a positive manner with our customers; deliver our products to local stores. Be home every night! Work for a Company that has been around for over 80 years! Minimum of 3 months driving experience with CDL A/B; GED or HS diploma required; Must be able to drive a standard transmission. EEO/Veteran/Disability Growing Strong Since1933!