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Saturday, February 20, 2010

boys

Dustin and I just got back from seeing the movie The Blind Side. It was a great movie that of course made me cry. It is such a touching movie. This boy's mother is no longer in his life because she is so caught up in drugs and probably other terrible things. And yet, she has this boy that loves her so much.

Because I only have boys right now, I find myself looking at boys differently. Whenever I see someone like the boy in the movie I wonder if his mom laid on the bed with him as he smiled and cooed to her, like I do with Liam. I wonder if she threw him up in the air when she came home from work, like I do with Miles.
Now, when I look at boys, I see them as babies....
When one of my students acts like he doesn't care about anything in class, I see him as a tiny toddler with flailing arms and legs while he lies on the floor next to his mother.
When I see a mug shot of some young man on the news I picture his mother laughing at his infant smile and tickling his chin.
When I see little boys from the news in Haiti I picture their lives before the tragedy when their moms and dads must have chased them around while they giggled and ran.
When a student annoys me I see a part of what his mother must see.
The cocky and tough basketball star becomes a tiny little toddler in a diaper who wants his mom to lie in bed with him.
The goth dressed in black that won't look me in the eye becomes the tiny tot that insists on his parents singing the "bird song" over and over again.
Sometimes it just feels like too much.....to feel so much all of the time.
What will my boys grow up to be like? Will they be well rounded and full of character? Will they insist on me dropping them off a block from school? Will they talk about me to their friends like I'm a freak of nature? Whatever happens (and I'm sure it won't all be perfect), I hope that I can always go back and remember them as the gurgling cooing infant and the boisterous funny little toddler. And I hope that they will always remember me as the mom that loved them more than she thought she could ever stand. I hope they see me as tolerant and accepting. I hope they know that they make me proud, and that they will always be my little boys.