Tuesday, 2 August 2016

Rising self-disgust and rage

There is something I am going to try and explain here after watching the Democratic National Convention this evening that will invite the scorn of many of my friends. But the words are gagging my throat and my stomach is twisted and sick and I have to vomit this out. The anti-Americanism in me is about to explode and land god knows where as my rage is well beyond reason.

My comment:

I celebrate getting in touch with the feelings of self-disgust and rage that comes perhaps from powerlessness or indeed terror - for such are the fruits of an undercurrent insanity that rises from the deep to break the dream of a power or self-specialness that never was.

I do not want to give suppressed and denied emotion the trigger finger to any harming of myself or others but feel it and use it to generate the desire and receptivity for a true sanity of being - instead of being negatively defined in reaction to the denied and projected or unacceptable self.

It is never truly the people who are culpable so much as the definitions and beliefs we or they are operating out from unknowingly. For everyone seeks their good as they define it in relation to what is happening - even if to choose what seems the lesser evil. And that is my point; the definitions we operate under determine our selective perception and thus the reactions and responses that automatically ensue. That is why 'controlling the narrative' is powerful - because it frames reality in ways that block, distort and filter it to ensure outcomes aligning with a pre-set identity.

So without denying the feelings of hatred that arise, I invite a voiding or releasing the corrupted in the renewed or awakened willingness to uncover the true. Because what is out-of-true with us can only generate dissonance and conflict while we try to make it true or fit into its framework.

Recognizing oneself in the 'negative' is meeting the extreme need to get rid of it - but if we project it onto hate-objects we merely hide in "self-righteousness". My invitation to feel - in a safe context as can be found - and in a willingness to be found in or aligned to a deeper Sanity, is that there are core beliefs and self-definitions beneath or within the feelings - ie: beneath rage is hate, and beneath hate is hurt and beneath hurt is a love denied - and all of these layers have 'story' of separation trauma that runs undercurrent to our surface world - and is active regardless of being air-brushed 'out-of-mind'.

Waking up is a Re-Integrative Willingness. But it isn't the special one or the righteous judge or empowered warrior who awakens to the true movement of their being - it is the Movement Itself - finding a way through you because you are no longer so completely locked into the dynamic of conflict as the means to establish your identity.

If your identity 'breaks' then it is not the true of you - and in fact you are free - and needful - to uncover the true of you beyond the dictate of a world gone mad.

Can we fool ourselves? Yes of course - to the degree that we WANT to. Why would we fool ourselves? To evade, escape, overcome or hide from a sense of self that we hate or fear.

Yet I don't believe our truth is fearful so much as what we have 'made' of it. The 'mind' is used to self-differentiate in guilt and fear of exposure. But our uniqueness is a signature of our Creator - regardless whether you use such a term for the Source or Cause beneath effects.

I don't write to persuade or be agreed with - but to offer reflections that may resonate to your own stirring recognitions - and serve your own unfolding discovery in your own terms.

It is not that the true of us is folly - but that we have become entangled and co-fused with fooling ourselves and fooling each other to make it stick - or find reinforcement and validation for such 'identity' - which is necessarily struggle for power position and inherently operates as a corrupting influence in the body politic - and co-opts its abilities and technologies to consolidate its victory in death. Because differentiating from Life has its logical conclusion in death - including the living death of a robot-like enslavement to a terror driven system.

Death - in the sense I use it here - is the refusal of the transformative and evolutionary expansion of Life. It may feel like a death to be broken in your 'self-reality' construct, but if you abide in willingness for Life - it will move you to recognition because it IS your will - your long denied will. The acceptance and embodiment of your true feeling being.

The communication of a deeper nature does not address your problems - but if you let it in as the feelings rise to acceptance and release, then it restores a fresh and living perspective from which to take a step in good heart... in a connected sense of worth. This willingness has to replace the sleepwalking template that is imprinted as our habitual 'mindset' and emotional conditioning. There is no rush to attend to the moment at hand - and no delay either. Your presence is invited to participate in the Embrace of Life on Earth... as you are freely willing to accept and align in.