Grieving life experiences

It never occurred to me that I would mourn the loss of the election. I don’t mean that I am morning the loss itself. I am okay that I did not ‘win’. I am very proud of myself for overcoming my fears, being brave, putting my hat in the ring and making a strong run. Yet after the election day came and went, my life as I had been living it, abruptly came to a halt.

It feels like losing a close relationship that I had been in for over 8 months. I very much enjoyed the work, the learning, the events, but most of all the people who I spent a great deal of time with. After the election it was like my job was terminated and I sat wondering “What do I do now?!”

It was during a soulful conversation with my Adventure Sister, Stacy, that she mentioned I may be grieving to process my emotions. Stacy is a hospice nurse, so she knows a thing or two about how grieving may look.

As thankful as I am for this whole experience, I still spent the week of Thanksgiving in a fog of sadness. The week before that I was bargaining, debating and trying to convince myself of the reasons why I would or would not run again. These weeks after the election have me following the same pattern and stages of the grief process.

When Stacy mentioned her observation, the light in my head said “ding!” I knew she was on to something. We traded Reiki energy healing, and this seemed to help me push through some of these emotions. Yet still I feel a slightly depressed.

Mourning can happen when you move, lose a job, end a friendship, suffer great financial loss or break up in a relationship and most commonly after a death. I feel like I had a break up of sorts. For me, the experiences of being a candidate were much like having a relationship with my community, that I love so much, that just seemed to end.

The experiences as a candidate were life changing, uplifting and heart opening. Very much like a new romance or job that you thought was ‘the one’ yet finding out that nope… it was not. I feel extremely sad that it is over. I did not expect this emotional conflict that has shook up my soul. I certainly didn’t expect this much emotion over all!

I believe I am going through this grieving process because of perceived loss of the relationships, the activity and the job in which I truly felt was a part of my purpose. But most of all, I believe I am mourning the derailment of my path.

It has me second guessing “Is this really my purpose or an adventure meant to lead me someplace I don’t see yet?”

The logical part of my brain says, “You are not alone, many others tried very hard and still lost as well. You ran because your soul guided you to this and you wanted too! It was a life experience not a destination. You did your best and most of all you enjoyed the journey. The purpose of life, is to enjoy the journey, learn and grow. You should feel blessed to have this amazing experience!”

I know deep down I am blessed. It is not over. And I must keep, keeping on!

I still have so much to accomplish. I know I must get back in the ring because I still have the desire in my soul to help my community in some way. Maybe it isn’t in the way I thought it might be? That is okay too.

I also know it is fine to take some time to heal myself; mind, body and spirit. I will fight the sadness that sometimes slips into my mind by working to replace those thoughts with thankfulness.

I know that my life is great! I am blessed with a wonderful family and career I love. But for some reason I feel there is more for me to do. Maybe it is the uncertainty of my path that keeps me searching for the next adventure? I believe we don’t escape any huge life experience without learning some lessons.

Maybe this feeling is part of the learning process as well? I’m hoping these emotions may guide me to where I can make a positive difference in myself and my community. I must be thankful for the whole experience, beginning to end.

Maybe that is another lesson? To just be thankful for it all. Before you know it, it may be gone. Be grateful for the experience, the love, the relationships, the fear, the uncomfortable parts, the scary parts, the adventure of it all, the whole time you showed up to experience life! Be thankful.

How do “you” get back in the ring after a loss? What are the things you do to help you feel better on ‘down’ days? Please feel free to share your experiences and advice so that it may help others know they are not alone!

To all the souls who struggle for a smile once in a while; I see you and I love you.