My name is Alisha. I am married to a wonderful man, Chad. Thanksgiving Day 2008 our world fell apart. Our baby's heart stopped beating. I was 20 weeks & 1 day pregnant. Clarence William was born to Heaven the next day, November 28, 2008. My heart is torn to shreds. Here is where I share my hurt. This is my therapy & my healing. There is so much support & love here. Thank you all for reading.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Last night I was talking to my stepson Brenden about my mother dying. He was unable to come to the memorial services because he was on spring break with his mother. I wanted to talk with him about it a little and see how he felt and ask if he had any questions. It had occurred to me that this was the only death he had ever experienced, aside from his great grandfather who died just weeks after he was born. Or so I thought. He reminded me otherwise....

Me: "This is the first person that you have know that has died, right?"

Brenden: "Well, except for Clarence"

I knew that. It's not like I didn't know that. I just didn't expect him to say that. I wasn't even sure how much Clarence's death affected him because he never got the chance to meet him.

I looked @ him and kinda smiled. "You mean your brother Clarence?" I said. I asked because this was also the name of his great grandfather.

He nodded.

I don't remember my exact words after that. I know I was happy (is that the right word?)... pleased maybe... that he remembered. And more than a little embarrassed that I "forgot". Not that I really forgot. I mean, how could I? I just didn't think he would consider that the same I guess? I don't know. It's hard to put into words why it caught me by surprise, but it did. I knew his death had a profound affect on me and my husband. I knew my mother's world crumbled when he died.. and yes my father and my in laws as well, but my mother for sure. I guess I just never realized how it affected him. It made my heart grow with warmth and love for him. He truly is a great kid and I am so blessed to call him my son.

Brenden is our oldest grandson and he is very special. It warms my heart, too, that he remembered. He's like his Dad was. He doesn't express himself often and doesn't offer conversation unless you ask him something. Mommaw and Poppaw Nichols