You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns when it can manage to in these troubled Trumpian times. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. For a take on what a blog by me would be like, check out OLDNERD.

February 27th

Traditionally, IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS covers three quotes from three people. Sometimes, it covers three quotes from one person. Sometimes, it takes a sequence of related posts from one person. But never has there been a quote so full of wrong on so many levels that I’ve had to devote an entire ISTDT to it. But that is the power of Donald J. Trump.

”You never know until you’re tested. But I think, I really believe I’d run in there even if I didn’t have a weapon and I think most of the people in this room would’ve done that too because I know most of you.” - Donald Trump, talking to governors about the Florida shooting, and providing the greatest 25th Amendment evidence to date.

Let’s start right off with the first sentence. Donald Trump saying “You never know until you’re tested” may be the least self-aware thing the least self-aware man in the world has ever said. Because what greater test has there traditionally been in American society than ascending to the presidential throne? And who’s failed that test in more distinct, unique ways than Donald Trump? He’s been tested and been found wanting in every regard, but does he know it? Fuck no.

Hell, it goes beyond that. Now all of a sudden Trump believes in testing things before you know them? His EPA just shut down the department that funds research on how hazardous chemicals affect children. one of hundreds of small things that whoever follows Trump will have to fix. I hope someone’s keeping a list.

We move on to a string of verbs that boggles the mind. Trump thinks, he really believes, and he runs? Every bit of evidence to date indicates that none of those things ever happen or could happen, and at least two of them might be biologically impossible. You know a year in, there’s an inch of dust on every single treadmill within 1000 feet of the Oval Office. The reason he sent Pence to that baseball game and Ivanka to the Olympics is that he can’t even stand the sight of other people exercising.

His claim to bravery is so fucking ridiculous that the entire world had commented on it within 20 minutes of the publication of the quote. But seriously. Trump is the literal incarnation on the Earth of the 80s movie trope where the secret villain would reveal himself to be a horrible coward by hiding behind a small child or puppy when the shit went down, screaming “TAKE THEM,NOT ME!”

But here’s the thing. He kept talking after that, and extended his fake bravery to all the people in the room he knew, seemingly as a result of him knowing them. He’s not just the bravest person, he hangs around with a bunch of the bravest people all of whom somehow leveraged their great bravery into being state governors and soaked up Trump’s excess bravery by osmosis. This is fucking insanity.

Also, if I were in charge of things, which I’m not, but should be, when Trump said “I know most of you”, the meeting would have immediately stopped, and Donald Trump would have had to correctly name more than 50% of the people in that meeting or else Hillary Clinton would get to take over as President. Because let’s face it. We all know how that’d turn out.