September 23, 2010

Home Again, Home Again

You arrive to the woods, to the lake, to happy voices down on a dock and quiet pine needle strewn paths and old friends that you may not have seen since last year at this time, and to new friends you always knew were out there and just hadn't yet met face to face, and your Squam experience begins.

The first afternoon is spent settling, reconnecting with friends and with yourself, and listening to all that space that is yours to dream in, to create in, to build in, to hear your own voice, and remember again, that you believe in that voice.

For me that first afternoon, was about solidifying some changes that I have been trying to make in my life. Changes about how I relate to my work, and how I see myself in relation to my work. The changes need to happen, and yet I have found myself going back to the old routine, the old ways of thinking, like a wheel rolling on a very rutted road. Time to try that other path and move off the old road.

And then it's time for dinner, and the evening and loons calling on the lake, and flashlights blinking in the woods, and a fire in the fireplace . . .

And then you get up on thursday and you're off . . . classes, talking, thoughts, walking, laughing, learning, sharing stories, re-learning, eating, writing, some wine on an evening, more laughing, and so it goes and so it goes.

Before you know it, it is Sunday morning, and you are tired and happy, and sad, and saying good byes, and packing your things, and driving away. You are refreshed and renewed and remembering why you inhabit this body, at this time, in this place, and you remember who you truly are, you have re-met yourself, again, and it is wonderful and amazing and bittersweet and remarkable.

And as you drive away, you turn around just one more time to remember. Hold it close, know that you know exactly who you are, and come back to this moment again and again over the days and months to come. This time away in the woods at Squam is a talisman for your year ahead, for your life down the road, for all the moments that you might forget who you truly are: You have seen yourself, and you know.