More music pointers for people new to the gig circuit, gleaned from being in a band with musicians vastly superior to myself:

~ People: Bring. Your. Own. Kit. I cannot stress this enough.First of all, if you can't see the problem with (or don't give a shit about) using a complete stranger's set-up, you are a BAD MUSICIAN. I don't care if you're headlining. If something breaks during soundcheck, that's two whole bands fucked for the night.If, by some fluke, the vans and cars of everyone you know have suddenly stopped working and you honestly physically cannot get your drums or amps to the venue and need to borrow something, make the effort and call one of the bands your playing with in advance to ask the favour. It's just polite.

~ Headlining a five-band night is not a good idea. Do the maths: if each of the first four bands overrun by five minutes - either by stretching their set or setting up/packing down - you've lost twenty minutes of your slot. And by the time you're on stage, you're only playing to the bar staff. (plus, you'll have to turn up at 1 in the afternoon for a soundcheck, and it's just not worth your time) Three-band nights are clearly the way to go.

~ Be nice to the soundman. Turn up on time for the soundcheck. Say hello, say please, say thank you. The soundguy probably does more work for the venue than you do, knows the staff and the organisers better than you, and he has a long memory.

~ We know you're on stage next, and we're packing down as fast as we can. Blocking the only exit to tell us to hurry up will, in fact, have the exact opposite effect.

~ And when you are told in no uncertain terms not to bring a smoke-machine to the venue, don't act pissy when the one that you've snuck in sets off the fire alarm and evacuates the building for the length of your set. Yes, I'm looking at you, Mystery Jets.

I helped my mother run stuff for our neighborhood pool on and off for years. They rent the pool out for private events and charge per attendee. Upper-middle-class people will still try to scam you out of $90. We also did weekly barbecue things, which I helped set up, served the food and occasionally cooked for.

- Yes, we do expect you to pay. We also expect you to pay the full amount that you agreed to.

- Yes, we do know how many people were there. Don't bother lying. Just pay.

- Seriously, give us the fucking check. We need it to keep the pool running. The pool is operating on a skin-of-the-teeth budget with very tight tolerances.

- No, we don't have pizza. Do you see pizza on the menu? Those boxes that look sort of like pizza boxes but have "Garlic Bread" printed on them have garlic bread in them. Stop asking.

-The reason we don't sell a particular brand or flavor in a particular package is because you are literally the only person in the area that wants it. Soda companies work on economy of scale. We can't stock one package of one flavor at one store, waiting just for you. It has to go out to every store and sit there on the shelf til it expires because you're the only one that wanted it and you didn't go to every store to buy every package. Especially bizarro caffeine-free diet flavors.

-A large-format guy (for things like chain grocery stores and Wal-mart) pulls a very large, very heavy pallet, full of soda. You know how heavy that two-liter bottle is? Imagine 400 of them, plus the weight of the pallet, plus the weight of the plastic shells they ship in. This is EXTREMELY HARD TO STOP once it gets moving. Please don't just arbitrarily stop in the middle of an aisle when you know we're behind you. Likewise, don't walk out into an aisle when you can see me coming. I've nearly broken my ankle literally dozens of times because people make eye contact with me, then walk out in front of me anyway. Long story short: over a ton of pop is FUCKING HEAVY.

-Question where the Coke is? Don't ask the Pepsi guy. Question where the Pepsi is? Don't ask the Coke guy. Have a question where something is in Walmart? Ask a Walmart employee. The soda guy knows where his shelf is, where his displays are, and where his coolers are. That's it. The rest of the store is not his concern.

-Please don't get in my way to get something, especially something I just put on the shelf and will continue to fill. I will gladly get something for you if you need it. If you have to ask "I'm sorry, am I in your way?" then you probably are.

-Just because it comes in a can doesn't mean it's made by the same company. Red Bull is not a Coke product. It is not a Pepsi product. Don't just leave it in their section. (This goes for you backroom folk, too.)

-Regular soda is usually good for nine months after production, diet for three, water for two years. Always watch the date on your diet soda, as displays don't usually get rotated as often as they should. And diet breaks down, goes flat, and is generally undrinkable pretty much right when it says on the package. Regular has some leeway.

-The single most annoying thing I have ever heard when pulling a pallet is "Hey, can you just wheel that out to my truck?" I don't know, can you pay a thousand dollars for the product that's on it? Can you load it yourself? No? Then SHUT THE FUCK UP. Close behind this is "Wow, that looks heavy." Yes, because this grunting and sweating is something I do when I'm carrying balloons.

-I don't set the pricing. Don't complain to me. Prices and ads are worked out months in advance by people significantly higher on the corporate chain than me. The most I can do is tell the salesman that someone bitched that their soda is too expensive.

-If we're out of something on the shelf, it's pretty likely that it's not in the store unless it's something popular. (In the US the biggest sellers are Mt Dew for Pepsi and Diet Coke for Coca-Cola.) Is it some bizarro oddball flavor? Try back tomorrow. I can mention it to the salesman, but I can't guarantee it will be in.

-Don't complain to me that bottled water is just tap water. I know that. We don't just pull it right out of the river and stick it in plastic. But we do filter it, disinfect it (past the treatment it gets from the city's treatment plant), and bottle it in a nice, convenient package. If you don't like it, don't buy it. Someone else does and will, that's why it's on the shelf.

-Priority goes to shelves, then ad displays, then endcaps. If you don't find what you want in any of those three places, it's not in the store. Don't bother asking. Even if the ad is really good and there IS product in the store, it won't get filled until another merchandiser comes in later in the day.

1. There is no conspiracy. No, really, there isn't. Especially when you're complaining about a conspiracy about a political party whose opposition out-numbers them 3-1 in almost all of the county.

2. We know when you re-register. Really. That field on the registration card that says your previous place you lived? That's so the county can notify your old county that you've re-registered someplace else. So, when you call me asking why you're not elligble to vote anymore and I tell you that's because you re-registered, don't get pissy at me. Additionally, when I ask if you've moved to X county, don't try to bullshit me, especially when your e-mail address' domain name is for a university in X county.

3. Pro-tp: the elections department is in the county building. Guess which other offices are in the county building? It's a short walk down the hall or up the stairs to either the DA's office or the Sherif's so if you have a problem with our department, it'd be best to phone in rather than leaving a threatening note on your registration card, especially when said card has your address, name, and phone number on it. You idiot.

4. Election days are hell. All of us have been in the office from 6 AM or earlier to make sure everything is set up and working on time and we will still be there past midnight to make sure everything gets wrapped up like it should. We will look at you like an asshole if you come in to bother us about something non-critical on such a day.

5. Claiming that you pay my wages b/c you pay taxes just proves what an ignorant jerk you are.

-The bar back cannot make you a drink. Only the bartender can do that. Unless we're really dead and the bartender is outside smoking and specifically said it's okay. -If you order a drink wherein you drop a shot into a pint of something, you are a tool. -Tip, you idiots! In some cases, we will just stop serving you if you aren't tipping.-Saying that you'll leave a big tip at the end of the night is bullshit, we know that. -Everyone who works at a bar is fucking everyone else who works there, or at least trying to. If not, they all hate each other. -Puking gets you kicked out.-Fucking with anyone who works there gets you kicked out. -I don't care if your friend says you're "cool" or "it's okay" You will leave now. -People who work at bars don't just sit around getting drunk all day, they usually have a few before they get to work, maybe a shot or two while working and once they're closed, sit around getting drunk. -Yeah, that guy's on coke. -Yes, I can tell you're on _____________. -No, I don't know where you can get ________________, narc/fratboy/yuppie. -Bartenders hate making mojitos. -Never, never complain about the bartender's music. -Bands: If you get too drunk, you will be kicked out.-Bands: No, your underage groupie can't come in, this is a bar. -Bands: I didn't see your set and I probably wouldn't have liked it anyway. -The friendliest "bro-types" who chat up the door guy as soon as they come in will always get too drunk and have to be kicked out.

Well, this thread has kinda turned into an anti-work bitch as well as a place for trade secrets. I'll try my best to stick to the latter, but can't make any promises.

Textbook Bookshop Guy

1. I don't set the prices. The publishers set the prices. Either bitching at me directly about how expensive everything is or just talking loudly about it near me will not endear you to me nor gain you any sort of discount.1.1 Especially when you're on half-decent apprentice wages and you're working towards a career where you get paid a butt-tonne of money. Yes I'm talking to you Electrical Apprentices.2. However, being either a) an attractive female with a demeanour as nice as her figure, or b) a guy who compliments me on the music I'm playing, or seems like a genuinely cool dude, could very well get you a discount, or some free stationary.3. No, I don't know anything about the contents of the book. I don't read them because none of them interest me. If you want to know if I have any books about 'blah' then 'blah' better be in the title of the book, 'cause that's all I know.4. If it's not on the shelf then I don't have it. Can I get it in? Probably, but I'm going to be hesitant to help you unless you fit into either of the categories in #2.5. I don't know which of the books you are going to need first. You will need to ask the teacher about that sort of thing.6. If you're taking part in tertiary education, you should really be willing to get on the phone/come into the shop and sort you're own shit out. Getting your Mum to call me, and then being able to hear her relay questions/information to you in the background there will just make me hate you.7. If you're parents have driven you to the campus just to pay for hundreds of dollars of your textbooks, then I really hope you're going to buy them lunch later or something. At least say thanks you fucking ingrate.

- Knowing things about cars is not a requirement for working as a gas station attendant. Turning up after midnight and bitching at them until they give up and actually try to fix your car is not a good idea.

- It's easy to forge an ID. It's getting away with using it for anything serious that's really, really hard.

- Within five minutes of voicing a political opinion to a historian, chances are quite good that he will have mentally sketched out a rough genealogy for it, and remembered why it was abandoned centuries ago for being homicidally stupid. He will then fail not to think less of you.

A very private conversation I was involved in with the head of exhibit design at one of the major Chicago museums consisted mainly of which exhibit they would pick to "bring in the suburbanites" and which ones they would choose to keep them out.

When you see the museum doing "Star Wars" of FUCKING HARRY POTTER they are trying to make money so the rest of the year you and your horrible illiterate spawn will stay far the fuck away.

Note that many of those traveling exhibits have been designed like feeder chutes. Get them in and out (through the gift shop) as quickly as possible. Hopefully without bothering the people actually enjoying the museum.

-most of the stuff we make... yeah, it comes in frozen. even those fancy artisian breads. par-baked. the only thing my chain actually makes from scratch is, like, a few different types of bread. and at other chains, i doubt they even do that. so just assume anything the supermarket bakery you're at "makes" is just warmed up and put in a bag.

-even the best stores will attempt to screw you over at some point. some baker recently put powdered sugar on top of a batch of white mountain bread, then covered it w/ flour afterwards in hopes to pass it off. i know better, so i threw it all away. please, know what you're buying, and know to tell us if it's wrong. there are a couple of people in this line of work who actually care enough to make it right.

-if something you want has the sell-by date of tomorrow, don't complain. it's still good. it's not like it sits in the store for a week before then. i can only speak for my chain, though. i've heard stories of other stores adding another cycle to their day-old stuff. like ready-to-eat bbq ribs. ick.

unfortunately, i can't give much advise on recording. internships, however...

-internships are not really fun and you probably won't learn anything. i lucked out and got into a small studio where i was kinda forced to sit in on sessions. from what i understand, everywhere else, you'll be lucky if you even get to clean in the control room.

-knowing how to make good coffee is probably the most valuable skill in studio internships. the recording stuff, no one expects you to know anything.

-if an artist offers to buy you lunch, take them up on it. just be sure to get their order right when you're ordering it.

I worked at a comic book store for about 8 months, I can't really think of anything that'd be considered a "trade secret" but here's a few things.

-If you come into a shop at least semi regularly it's more than worth it to make friends with the staff. They will be much more inclined to cut you deals, or even offer them, if you're a familiar face. Realize that this does not give you special haggling rights to everything in the store, but if you're smart about it you should be able to get pretty good deals if you decide to splurge and buy a lot in one day or snatch up the shit that is not selling.

-The amount of crazy/mean/strange people that come in regularly is generally pretty high. The more you can present yourself as a nonthreatening normal person the easier it is going to be to get to know the staff.

-Wednesdays are the days when all the new shit comes in. Be extra polite on Wednesdays. I had to get up at 5:30 am to go out and pick up your new issues and as soon as those doors swing open throngs of ravenous nerds will pour into the store expecting their new issue of ______. Even if things go smoothly I am going to be fucking busy until late in the day. It is not a good idea to chat with me or waste my time with shit today.

-You bring me some kind of snack or stimulant on a Wednesday and I will love you.

-Please do not assume I have read everything. I try and read as much as I can stomach, but at the end of the day I found myself repulsed by a great deal of popular comics.

-I'm allowed to talk about things other than comic books. Please, save me from the sweaty mumbling behemoth ranting to me about the new issue of ______.

-Check and see if your store is having any sales/specials/promotions. Often times they're worth it.

-Check and see if you can get an account at your store. If you buy comics even semi regularly it's a good idea. I think ours was at least 10% off everything in the store plus random deals etc.

-If somehow you manage to find a trade that is slightly damaged it doesn't hurt to ask for a couple bucks off the price. Don't go crazy with this one, but it's usually worth a shot.

-If you're a girl you should know two things about a comic book store. The first is everyone inside is afraid of you. If you're even remotely attractive you wield ultimate power. From my experience the men in these places are lonely, crazy and posses the social graces of a newt. The second is the men in these places posses the social graces of a newt. Seriously, be prepared for anything from mild and endearing attention to RUN. RUN AWAY.

- If you're old and complain that your store does not run games of ______ talk to the owner and volunteer to run them. Anything that will bring the store more patrons and more money is going to get you bonus points and usually free shit from whatever game you're running.

-Don't be an asshole and don't treat any one like shit. If you run any one out of the store for any reason you're fucked.

- I hate to say this, but you can always match the price or do better on amazon in terms of TBS (graphic novels). At least in my experience. To me comic book stores are reserved for other, generally less sane, activities. However, what's fun about being totally sane all the time any way?