2011-2014. The original blog that got it all started. It represents reflections I had and sharing I did, during a time period in my life, freshly post autism diagnosis, worsening illness, though I wasn't yet clear on things. I was trying to process and going through a lot of hard learning. There's some good stuff in here, which helped others, and there's also some stuff that no longer reflects my situation and/or evolved insights. Please read with this in mind.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Entry 22: The Concept of “Indigo/Crystal Children”

I just watched this 8 minute video on "The New
Children." I have to admit, that I knew about this concept before I knew
of my AS, and I felt as though I identified strongly with the description of the “Indigo
child”, as well as some aspects of the Crystal child. I understand that some
may feel it's a wild theory and I have seen it get carried away; for example
when parents will use it as a replacement for obtaining a needed diagnosis, in
which will result in help and services for their child.

Although I don't agree with it being taken that
far, I can't help but agree with the general concept, and believe in it
instinctually. It’s fascinating how scientific research was able to apparently
identify that these “Kids” carry a new gene. Well, that’s what is claimed
anyway. We don’t know if it’s true, but I think it’s feasible. It is also
interesting how the presence of this gene began to boom in the early 80's,
because I do see a lot of "Indigo-ness" in my generation and the
generations following.

That does make me wonder though, if the presence of
this gene and this "new species" of a person only greatly increased
at this time. I do know some mature aspies whom are very "Indigo"
although there are much more in the younger generation.

It does make me ask the question of whether this
concept is synonymous with the ADD-into-Autism continuum.

If so, it is still important to not just identify
as "Indigo/Crystal" without also being practical in obtaining a
diagnosis for in which will result in help, services… most especially
accommodations and modification of education plans. This is very important
because since "Indigos" are so sensitive, they do need the
understanding and accommodation the "label" can bring to them.

Whether we agree with being labeled or not, this is
just sensible. It’s for the purpose of protection and ability to achieve
success. I would encourage those who do not want a label for their child to
obtain one anyway, even if they may prefer to informally identify as
"Indigo" for the purpose of ensuring that their child is more
accommodated for their differences.

Unfortunately, ADD is seen as a negative label and
that really is too bad. It is a precursor to the Autism spectrum, and it lies
on the continuum. I hear a lot of ADDers' self deprecate by saying things like
"oh sorry, I wasn't paying attention, I didn't get that done again.. damn ADD”.
It’s a product of what they are told growing up; that they possess this
nuisance, this "defect."

There should more emphasis on the positive
qualities that those with "ADD/ADHD" possess, because there are
many.People with ADD/ADHD are often
very gifted. I get along very well with ADDers, even those who don't have
autism; although they may not always be able to completely understanding some
of the more autism related difficulties. For example, they are much more
socially and generally spontaneous, and may have a hard time understanding how
ASDers are unable to be that way.

In my experience though, they have always been the
autistics' most willing and loving allies; eager to understand as they have a
lot of compassion, and can remotely relate with us. They tend to have a strong
sense of social justice…again an in-built mechanism. They are our
"cousins"... we share some traits. Furthermore, many people who’ve
been merely diagnosed with ADD are in fact on the autism spectrum.

ADDers are very bright people whom possess
hypersensitivity, creativity, and fluid thinking and thinking outside the box.
Those with ADD are thought of as "indigo" as they are known to be
rebellious and oppositional, but in the way of calling out and challenging
systems that no longer serve us and are unjust. They are often the first to
agree with the viewpoints of Aspies. We Aspies have the ADD qualities too, as
we are sort of between ADD and classic autism I guess. Again, we have often
also been co-diagnosed, or misdiagnosed, with ADD/ADHD. I myself have been
co-diagnosed with “ADD-NOS” which I most certainly have.

The more introverted and profoundly autistic are
apparently thought of as "Crystal.” They are more sensitive, apparently
meant to communicate telepathically…and suspected to be highly psychic which
may be hard to know for sure. I could agree, although I can speak a lot; I
communicated more telepathically as a young child and still do at home with my
family...and I am finally making the admittance that I am "psychic."
I can’t deny it. I creep myself out a lot, whence I experience premonitions
that turn out to be accurate. It’s not all the time, but it happens fairly
often. This is something I myself have been skeptical of, but it truly does
happen.

So Aspies, between ADD and Autism, could be thought
of as "Indigo/Crystal." I can, on this plain, think of myself as an
Indigo coloured crystal. I guess this is why I absolutely love Amethyst.

The thing that is strongly brought up in this
concept, and is not brought up in the formal labeling, is psychic ability. I
will admit it now; my belief is that those on the continuum are in fact
clairvoyant in varying ways. Well, we
are hyper perceptive, so this may be why. I believe many of us actually use it
as a coping mechanism for having difficulty in reading facial expressions. It honestly
is an effective coping mechanism, this "sixth sense" of ours.

In retrospect, being "hypersensitive" in
todays world (maybe this could be the root of sensory issues?) can be very
stressful, especially if one is not aware and/or is unable to set boundaries
with their own hypersensitivity. There is also the classification of the
"HSP" which stands for the "Highly Sensitive Person"- a
term coined by Elaine Aron, who has written books on the subject. Dr. Jung, and
focuses based the inspiration for her on an original theory more on the
biological aspects of this, involving the nervous system.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Highly_sensitive_person

It is an interesting concept too. Pondering both
this concept and the "Indigo Child" concept, it seems to loosely be
synonymous with the ADD/ASD continuum. However, HSP on it's own, (like the
Indigo/Crystal concept) although interestingly backed by science and helpful to
read about, is not an official diagnosis that can bring the help and
accommodations needed. I think it's a sensible compromise for one to prefer to
think of themselves as Indigo and/or HSP, but still hold a diagnosis for
practical purposes.

Whether or not we are in touch with it, I do
believe we on the continuum all possess some sort of "intuitive" ability.
We are very sensitive people so this ability may be overwhelming. We may block
it off, and it may vary in nature from person to person. To be aware of ones'
own hypersensitivities, by reading about these subjects or seeking counsel from
experts in that field, can be helpful to
us, I think.

Although I am a practical Virgo at the core, I’m
also very spiritual and clairvoyant myself. I have only more recently began to
fully understand it and not "let it get to me." I spent a lot of
time, in the past, escaping from my hypersensitivity by way of poor coping
mechanisms that only further harmed me in the long run, and delayed my ability
to become more self aware and learn how to cope. Because I am also logical, I
would often "disbelieve" by own premonitions and gut instincts, and
when I did not trust them; it turned out badly.

However, there were instances when I did trust
them, and it helped me along. This is proof that I should trust them! I am
becoming much better at this. I can now acknowledge that I can strongly sense
energies and am very affected by negative energy in my presence. In the past I
would disregard this, and end up physically affected. This is one reason why I
ended up with Fibromyalgia, among other things.

I now have boundaries (I don't have a choice; if I
let something get to me I risk flare up of my FM symptoms.) When I sense that
someone's energy is no good, I am able to sensibly withdraw myself if I really
must. I don’t want to ignore someone who
is hurting for in which this could be a trigger to them: to feel ignored and
alone when one is trying to reach out, is awful too. It’s a fine line. I’ve
been the other person, because I have PTSD and I’m not perfect. If I don’t keep
myself in check, I can become overhwlmed with the things I cannot change, which
aren’t fair. I can become needy and afraid.

For this reason, I can sense the difference between
someone with dark energy because they are an abusive person, and someone with
dark energy because they themselves have suffered grief and abuse. Even if they seem angry: I can tell the
difference.

Sometimes they are chemically imbalanced because
their physiological systems have been so affected by their negative experiences
and ensuing emotions. It’s hard to reign in, but it can be done. If one is to
recover, it takes practice, and this is ongoing. If stress causes faltering on
the practice, one can “emotionally slip back” again. However, feeling guilt
about this doesn’t solve it’ compassion and forgiveness does.

If I am helping someone who possesses a lot of sad
and dark energy due to the latter, I try to detach myself, and not take that
energy into my own field, but still help them. Sometimes, I can succumb to
their grief, but I try not to, and usually I’m ok.

Its' sort of a visual technique; I imagine sending
them loving and good energy outwards, rather than taking in their sad energy,
inwards.

I cannot deny the fact that I am able to see and
read auras, I even can do this from pictures. It’s faint though, and not as
profound as some people have it…and, it could be attributed to synethsesia. I
have to try a look away from the person, sort of like a magic eye book...and it
does take energy. I was never confident in this before (as I was too fragile)
but now that I have a better self-esteem and am spiritually stronger. I can do
this without it being as overwhelming, but I still want to limit it.

I am also feeling quite confident in it because I
have been told that I am accurate in what I see and what it means. I know it
sounds hard to believe, so I don’t expect one to believe me, but there you have
it.

I am not saying that I’m some "supreme crystal
ball lady" that can tell everything about a person, but on the aspects
that I do pick up, I seem to be quite accurate…if I concentrate. However in
retrospect, it is still overwhelmingly powerful. When I’m in the presence of
other people, especially new people, my intuition kicks in automatically. My antennae
go up. This is the other side to our "sensory issues", a more abstract
and spiritual, as opposed to technical, explanation of them if you will.

I think that many aspies could relate. Maybe it’s
at the core of why we can get socially overwhelmed? Eye contact is difficult,
for me it’s because of the former. We tend to miss the general point but pick
up on something deeper. For example, if that person has had a very bad day and
is angry, I’ll pick up on it. If it’s an angry sense, I’ll want to run for the
hills. If it’s sad, I’ll feel over-empathic about it. This is why awareness is
good, in order to find one's own strategies of self-preservation and self-protection.
I personally imagine a beautiful white shield around me, in these situations.
If it gets' too heated, I will tell myself it is time to distance myself from
the situation and that is Ok.

I also tend remember the sources of my déjà vu,
which can give me the creeps. Usually, I will have deja vu and clearly remember
that I had previously dreamt about it. It is never something like a "big
event" but it's always something small like a certain position that I am
standing in while holding a purple teapot. That’s a random example, but you get
the picture. It’s basically something small and random, which lets me know that
I am going in the right direction.

I can clearly remember that I dreamt about it.
Sometimes I remember the dream to be more unpleasant, and then I end up in that
situation in which I dreamt about. For example, I had a dream that I was
standing in an awful and worn wooden floored kitchen with my husband, washing
dishes and feeling very stressed. A year later, it turned out to be our
apartment in Vancouver. We spent two years in Vancouver, which was a hellish
existence of struggle with finance and badly falling through the cracks, having
no friends or family, and waiting in agony for our then 3 year old sons' autism
diagnosis. That experience was (yet another) huge test to my strength and I
survived it.

Although I didn't remember it until I was, one day,
standing in that kitchen washing dishes and crying to my husband about our
stressful situation. When I realized that I had dreamt about the exact scenario
a year earlier, while still home in Victoria, I wasn't like "Oh no…I had a
horrible dream about this and now it's coming true.” In retrospect, I was then like
"Oh ok, I had a dream about this...so although this is an awful situation,
I am meant to go through this I guess, and I will get through it: I know I
can." It was actually relieving and comforting, in the end.

I don't believe that our futures are set in stone
for us, but I do loosely believe in destiny and a general "push and pull
along" of something in the stars, encouraging and compelling us to go
forward. For example, right now, I feel strongly compelled to blog about my
viewpoints. Although my critical mind is saying "what makes you think what
you've got to say is so important, what makes you think people will like it and
listen; your just some eccentric 27 year old quirky girl-woman on disability
assistance, you don't have a PHD or even a high school diploma" but my
spirit says, and the cosmos say "just do it.”

Another example is like the “butterfly effect.” Say
for you miss your bus and then you end up meeting someone who turns out to be a
good friend, and introduces you to something you may enjoy and thrive in, or
influences you to make a certain decision or look at something in a different
way. It was meant to be that you missed your bus and bumped into that person.

I don't think things are just coincidences, and
even the worst of hardships may be part of your life plan, to teach you
something that you will apply to your life, to change and evolve into a new
phase of your life. In retrospect, it may simply manifest this way if you look
at it like that. This must be why spirituality gets many people through the
roughest of times.

I also completely agree with the law of attraction
and the book, The Secret... it does make sense to me. There was a Japanese
study done using two cups of water. One cup had the word Love written on one of
them, and the word Hate written on the other. The water molecules were observed
through a microscope.

It was found that the "Love" cups'
molecules were beautifully and evenly diffused, and the "Hate" cups'
molecules appeared harsh and awry compared. Fantastically fascinating, and a
great example of metaphysics in action!

I do believe that those on the continuum are
more sensitive to the movement and shifting of metaphysical energy, and that
since the "Indigo/Crystal child" theory claims that, it seems true. I
guess we are "Indigo/Crystal children" if that’s' what you want...and
I don't mind. I like it. I think it's pretty cool.

I know for a fact that my older son, whom is autistic,
resembles the traits of a crystal child. He is very sensitive to energy and
will often make random statements about someone that are true. For example,
when he was 2, he pointed to a lady on the bus, in the direction of her tummy,
and said "mama." She was not visibly pregnant, but response with
"wow, that is amazing; I am 7 weeks pregnant." My younger son, who is
very headstrong, stubborn, passionately loving and maturely outspoken for his
age (and most likely on the ADD continuum) is such an "Indigo" kid.

If one is possessed with bad energy and they are
aware of it, it is a challenge to change that but can be done and is maybe part
of their journey to go through. It is hard for one who has gone through such
things as abuse and trauma, to not continue to take on the bad energy, (I speak
from first hand experience) and to cultivate more positive energy and self-love.
It may be a process and take a lot of effort and reconditioning; but it can be
done and thought of as a spiritual challenge.

The best humanitarians have done this, but yet
retain the empathy of what it was like before. I think it's great, and anyone
who has been through pain and anguish can change this and turn it into a tool
to help others who are suffering; once they are strong enough to set their own
boundaries.

I also think, in retrospect, that a certain degree
of helping another, even when one is in their own pain, is helpful and
potentially empowering… just as long as it’s not taken into cyclical wallowing.

So, there is a downside to being
"clairvoyant" and HSP if you will, but it is an ultimately a gift
that can be embraced and managed with care. It is great when parents can
recognize that their child is this way, and be aware of it...just as long as
they don't use it as a replacement for a necessary diagnosis.

I just danced around a statement that I am now
going to make bluntly. Yes, I believe that I, and others on the continuum, are
"intuitive" in some way...and yes, I do believe that we are likely
"Indigo/Crystal children." That’s just me, take it or leave it. I am
practical too, but I believe that deeply in my heart. I believe that we are
meant to be here, and that the numbers of our kind are increasing for a reason.
Maybe that reason is evolutionary? The systems
currently in power seem to have forgotten about love and humanity first: the
good of humankind and human ethics. Somebody needs to change that...are we
them? Probably.