Monday, March 19, 2012

I was raised a certain way, to believe in certain things and how they should be, and while there are some things I outgrew or decided against as I became and grew into my own person, there are some things that stuck with me and still hold true for me. I am currently in a situation that causes me to go against one of those beliefs, and it is becoming less and less comfortable for me as time passes. But what do you do when one person believes one thing, and the one person believes another, and there isn't a "middle of the road"? There isn't a compromise on this one. It's just one person getting their way, while the other one doesn't.

And how does this translate into my parenting? How do I tell my son to never compromise his values, when that is exactly what I am doing? I get this horrible pit in my stomach when I think about it. I don't know how to be anything other than myself...but pretending that things are ok that I don't think are ok is not me. But complicating things definitely is, and so why should it come as a surprise that I find myself here now?

I love my little boy more than I've ever loved another human being and there is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for him. The last thing I want is for him to grow up using me as an example of how not to be, like I did with my parents. People always tell me I turned out so great for coming from the situation that I did. First of all, I'd like to just be told that I turned out great for once and leave it at that. Not to have my successes be measured against my parents' failures. And secondly, it's sad when someone has a decent life only because they made a decision to not be like their parents. God forbid I ever put my own son in that situation.

Anyway, this is mostly me venting and definitely getting a little more personal than I like to, but welcome to my diary. I had to be able to say it to someone.

On a lighter note...maybe I'm not the best person on the planet, but my family sure is! My aunt and three of my cousins came to visit this weekend and we had such a great time! Especially Harrison, who absolutely adored the boys and was so sad to see them go. There is nothing better than having a house full of people that leave a void behind when they go. We miss them already. My dad may be wasting a spot on this planet, but I definitely lucked out with the rest of my fam, they are truly my home.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Harrison's birthday came and went and unfortunatly, no party took place. He ended up with a terrible cold and pink eye and gave the cold to both of us, and as of today, March 1st...we are still getting over it. TERRIBLE cold. It was the worst not having a party for him, although we did celebrate a little bit the night of the would-be party with some friends and family. After H went to bed, of course. Thankfully, he is now over it and soon, I'm getting him a cake and balloons and we're singing "Happy Birthday" and he's wearing his birthday shirt. I don't care if it's a month late, you don't miss your child's first birthday!

Last week, our little man transitioned to the next class at his daycare. He spent a little more time in there each day. It's been sort of a struggle because his very favorite teachers are no longer his all-day best friends and it's obvious he's a little sad about it. He loves to play with the "big kids" but then he loves to go back to his room and cuddle with his teachers and run the show. His new class has a daily routine, that includes naptime on a mat - which he thought was the dumbest idea ever at first, but he has now napped with them two or three times. He even got to go play on the playground outside and ride on the bouncy horse, and he sat still in his teacher's lap to listen during storytime. No one wants to accept it right away, but he's definitely not a baby any more. So bittersweet.

The one thing about his growing up (too quickly) that is turning out to be so much fun, is feeding him table food for every meal. Oh, and not buying formula or baby food has put a little cushion back in our bank account. Not complaining about that either! This past weekend, Harrison went out to breakfast and had his own plate of pancakes, then a turkey sandwhich for lunch, a few bites of cake (his first ever) at his friend Dillon's party, and chicken fingers with fries at dinner. I think we were so excited about him eating with us that day that we forgot all about healthy.

Oh, and one more thing. He took his first steps. ON my birthday. What a great kid! He has taken many more since then. It is his new favorite trick to show off. So much so that when we would not allow him free run when we went out to dinner last night so that he could show all of his fans at the restaurant how talented he is, he decided we were idiots and threw a giant fit and dinner quickly became a "to-go" order. He's so cute :)

As for me, I've decided, a year after giving birth, that it's time to get rid of the baby weight and get back to my fighting weight. Getting prepared to chase a little boy around too. It's going to require a lot of stamina and a smaller butt, so Peyton signed me up for a 5k in April and I've been training for that and supplementing with workouts with my favorite girl-body, Jillian Michaels. I told her I would be back, and I am! But you know...last time I got in really good shape, I ended up pregnant. Just saying...