Pieces of My World.

#live

We live in the age of information with conveniences such as e-readers and the Internet. Personally, I get overwhelmed with how much is available to us. For me there is nothing better than the feel of a real book in my hands. I adore books because they contain specific information. When you read a physical book there is no aimlessly wandering around to the next webpage, no staring at bright screens. You can’t text and read a book (you could but if you are I bet you’re not paying much attention). Books have beautiful art on the cover, they take time to be produced. They aren’t so quick, simple and easy like everything else in our world today. Reading requires an effort.

The First Time

It was January. We met at a hotel bar for a drink. When I first laid eyes on him I thought he was arrogant. He led the way to our table with his hand pointed in the air. I looked at him and all I could think was, “No, no, no.”

He was strange. The lighting wasn’t the best so I could barely make out his face. He kept pulling these faces that looked like he was majorly disgusted by words/suggestions (see photo). I was so thirsty but I wouldn’t drink because when I arrived at the table, the water was already poured. You never know with people you meet online.

It was a windy Friday morning. I was on the train platform with my oversized bag of rolling purple luggage.

There was someone staring at me. She looked no older than 18. She wore glasses and was quite thin. It looked like she wanted to say something to me. I didn’t move an inch.

“Going somewhere?”

She had a whimsical voice. I looked up at her. She looked alone. Like she needed someone to talk to.

“I’m going to Cape Cod.”

“I’ve never been there”

“Either have I”

Awkward silence

“I’m sorry I really didn’t mean to start conversation.”

“That’s okay. I’m friendly, I don’t mind.”

We sat together on the train. She told me about her internship and her college studies, her family, her boyfriend. I talked a bit. She talked more and kept apologizing about talking so much.

At one point she pulled out a stick of deodarant and swiped some under her arms. She was a little eccentric and a few years older than I thought she was. She told me how people are usually very mean to her and that I was nice. At one point she almost had me tearing up.

So when she asked me for my phone number, I thought it was a little personal but it might be okay. I gave it to her along with my last name. She claimed to know my sister. I thought they may have been high school friends and deemed her as “safe.”

She usually took the subway to work but since I walk, she decided to walk with me. We got on the escalator. I tried to maneuver my footing with my rolling luggage and was a little disoriented. She held out her hand to me and said, “it’s okay, I got you.” I thought this was nice but a little much. Like something I would have done a decade earlier. I said no thanks.

We got to my block, I gave her a hug. I got to my office and noticed I had a white deodorant stain on my black cardigan. I had a text from her saying she got to work safe. And every day after that I received texts from her wishing me a good time in Cape Cod. And I also had Facebook notifications for posts of a comic we had chatted about. Then I had Facebook messages along with more text messages asking what time my train would be the next day.

Good Morning Bloggers! I am honored and excited to announce that a listicle I wrote was nominated last week for a contest by The Fickle Heartbeat.

Four months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of more than a year. It was difficult to let go of him and our relationship however I soon realized if I ever wanted to be truly happy I needed to fall in love with me. Relationships can be great when you’re with the right person, not all of us are so lucky to find them right away. With the end of my relationship I’ve been focusing on myself and I’ve come to a few conclusions. I believe we should challenge ourselves every single day. We should live to our fullest potential, jump off the ledge and embrace the world. We can choose to do it with someone else or we can get out there, grab the bull by it’s horns and just do it!! Going at it alone is empowering and something we all should experience.

If you have ever been through a rough breakup and want some perspective, if you feel sad about being single or if you still need help with your healing, check out my post at:

With every year there are many changes. It’s inevitable. People like to use this time of year to make resolutions and better themselves. I used to do this until one day I realized, change doesn’t start with a new year, it starts with a moment and you. Now.

I always like to say my life truly started when I moved out and went away to college. From there, I built my life from scratch. I was unhappy and hid inside of my own world for a while because I didn’t trust people. I hated them for no reason other than meeting new people made me uncomfortable. It was a skill I had never really had. As a kid I’d befriend some people then they’d hurt my feelings and I would cut them off completely. As I grew into a teenager I continued to do the same, shutting everyone out completely.

I had put on a lot of weight. I was never thin, but I was at the heaviest weight I had ever been. I felt like I wasn’t good enough. I compared myself to a piece of garbage, constantly telling myself I wasn’t as smart or as pretty as other people. I thought it was all about looks. After a year of adjusting, I went home for summer. Then I decided I was going to change myself and turn my life around.

I lost 25 pounds from May-August, dyed my hair, bought new clothes and adopted a whole new attitude. Basing everything on the way that I looked instead of anything else. I was attractive after slimming down a little bit, something I was not used to. For that entire first semester of school I was obsessive on losing weight, I wouldn’t rest easy until I lost another 20 pounds. In the midst of exams, friends, boys, and everything else I did it! I lost a lot of weight and I still based everything around the way that I looked.

When I graduated college, my entire world as I knew it came crashing down on top of me. I lost a lot that day. Best friends, boys, home, purpose. Worst of all I lost my identity. The world was mine now and that gave me too much power. I didn’t like it. Not one bit.

At the drop of a hat my entire life changed. It was lonely. I still felt like I wasn’t good enough, like I would never find a job, never find friends again. That first year at home was even harder than my first year at college was. I had a crummy job and dated the wrong person. I never thought my life would get better, but eventually it did.

Sometimes I feel myself angry that I had to move on from happy times in college. Angry that my friends have moved on with their lives. Angry that any of us ever had to move on. Especially me. But mostly, I’m just afraid at how quickly life goes and how fast things can change. Always moving forward and never waiting for you to catch up.

One thing I have to tell myself is that happiness doesn’t end when one aspect of your life changes. Life is always going to change. And that’s okay. We just have to roll with it.