WWE Royal Rumble 2017 Results: News And Notes After Randy Orton Wins

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os Credit: WWE.com

I think I understand why the 2017 Royal Rumble is four hours long. It's because it takes about an hour for WWE Superstars to walk down that massive ramp. At this pace, the Royal Rumble match might end by midday on Thursday.

The second Charlotte began taunting Bayley by saying "you're one of them!" Bayley launched into a spirited comeback. I think Bayley and I share the same disdain for the Internet Wrestling Community.

Not only does Bayley have a better attitude than CM Punk, she has a way better flying elbow drop. His was more of a falling elbow drop.

You can tell which WWE fans don't shower by how many loud, male cheers erupted when Kevin Owens showed up.

Roman Reigns and Kevin Owens brawled in the crowd near the Japanese announce table. One of these days, I want to see a WWE Superstar learn a foreign language and begin commentating in that language during their match. Like a foreign language version of what The Rock used to do.

Owens' stacked chair ensemble looks like a throne for the King of Jenga.

Earlier in the night, Michael Cole mentioned that Ric rr was the only man to ever win a WWE Championship in the Royal Rumble. During the Roman Reigns match, he mentioned that Triple H outlasting Reigns in last year's Royal Rumble was the second time it happened. This will make things easier for Botchamania.

As Jericho drops brass knuckles from his shark cage after the referee failed to properly pat him down, I realize that WWE referees are the most incompetent human beings on the planet. Right next to anybody in a YouTube comment section and Peter Rosenberg.

The only thing that would have made the cruiserweight video package better is if anybody actually cared about the cruiserweights.

Neville was introduced as the "self-proclaimed king of the cruiserweights." I love when WWE Superstars add a little pizazz to their introductions. If I was a WWE Superstar, I'd have the ring announcer read my Tinder profile.

The announcers are really leaning into the whole "Rich Swann's parents died" thing. Neville's cruiserweight win was the right move but WWE has a huge task on its hands in making this division matter.

Everytime chatter drums up of John Cena possibly turning heel, WWE rolls out a new line of Cena merchandise and then it's all like "nevermind."

When announcing AJ Styles, ring announcer Greg Hamilton paused after he said "from Gainesville, Georgia..." almost as if to say "you guys still want to cheer for Styles now?"

Keep in mind that if Cena loses, he very well may win the Royal Rumble. Wouldn't surprise me one bit.#RoyalRumble

Big Cass entered at No. 1. With Enzo in tow, it didn't seem like an entry as much as it seemed like a commercial for what fans were about to see.

I'm not a negative person, but let's take the time to honor some of the WWE Superstars who have never won a Royal Rumble:

Randy Savage

The Ultimate Warrior

Chris Jericho

Ted DiBiase

Mr. Perfect

Mick Foley

Barry Horrowitz

Jerry Lawler confirmed it was a 65-yard walk down the aisle of the Royal Rumble. WWE's architect must really love cardio.

At one point, Lawler described Mojo Rawley as being "almost over." To clarify, he was speaking in the context of being eliminated, not popularity.

There is not one thing I don't like about Jack Gallagher. In fact, my early pick for best non-wrestler is William III, his umbrella.

With six men in the Royal Rumble, veteran Chris Jericho was the only person on board with selling fear as the Braun Strowman marched to the ring. He looked at the rest of the field like "are you stupid idiots going to put this guy over with me or not?!"

Twitter can talk about workrate all it wants, but there's no better energy in an arena than when the two biggest, baddest guys in the Royal Rumble come face to face, as was the case between the Big Show and Braun Strowman.

One of the biggest "surprise" entrants was Tye Dillinger, who entered at No. 10. An even bigger surprise was that he was able to last for more than 10 seconds with Braun Strowman.

Baron Corin getting the Braun Strowman elimination was a great visual and did a good job of transitioning from one rising star in the Royal Rumble to another.

Kofi Kingston's annual "stayin' alive" spot was an impressive leap from the ring post where he held on. It wasn't as good as his previous spots, but it didn't get what it deserved from this crowd.

WWE really backloaded this Royal Rumble. 24 entrants in and no Goldberg, Brock Lesnar or Undertaker. You'd think they'd want to spread out those massive pops so they can preserve their energy but I guess San Antonio is going to have to dig deep.

Twitter can talk about workrate all it wants, but there's no bigger energy than when two living legends come face to face, which was the case when Goldberg stared down The Undertaker.

Roman Reigns in the Royal Rumble was the most self-aware moment in WWE modern history. WWE was teasing Nerd Rage III and people legit thought he was going to win, especially after he eliminated Undertaker. This made Randy Orton winning an even more thrilling finish.

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I've been a pro wrestling columnist and video blogger for a leading national sports website since 2010. I graduated from the University of California, Santa Barbara with a major in business economics, an emphasis in accounting and a minor in sports management. As a lifelon...