You do a lot of waiting in L.A. Waiting to hear back from someone, waiting for tomorrow’s meeting, waiting to go back home to NYC where I might be able to concentrate and brew up the confidence to evaluate my next move. And waiting, we all know, ignites the idle mind. How dangerous. Suddenly your head and your heart are throwing a rager somewhere in the depths of your belly. It is as if there are kegs filled with doubt, Champaign infused with anxiety, and cocaine laced with fear being ingested by a million tiny soldiers inside of me.

I find myself, as pensive as ever, pacing the floors of my temporary L.A. nest as I reflect on the past and contemplate the future. Perhaps the only thing secure in this moment are my breasts (thank you Freya.) While the photos taken on this overcast afternoon are revealing of a fragile state of mind, they simultaneously capture the beauty, and the reliability of Freya & Fantasie, my new favorite bra guru brands.

“While the photos…are revealing of a fragile state of mind, they simultaneously capture the beauty, and the reliability of Freya & Fantasie, my new favorite bra guru brands.”

Right before I left for my journey, I stopped at the Freya & Fantasie headquarters in NYC for what would be the best fitting I have ever gotten. Upon arriving I am immediately enlightened and over-joyed by the individuals behind the brand. They are enthusiastic, unbelievably helpful, passionate, and ever so educated on their products. I quickly realize that Freya & Fantasie are the founders of bras for the larger chest that are at once, decorative, supportive, and economically forgiving.

Harpers Bazaar published an ad by Bali in May of 1950 stating, “You’re buying blind…until you make the Fitting room test.” And my experience with the professionals at Freya & Fantasie confirmed how vitally important that message remains in 2012. I left the fitting with two beautiful yet practical bra and panty sets that would see me through the month of travels that lay ahead.

“I quickly realize that Freya & Fantasie are the founders of bras for the larger chest that are at once, decorative, supportive, and economically forgiving.”

It seems as though, if my boobs are secure, the rest of me follows. Over the course of October I was in many situations where confidence was vital, as was femininity. At the Norman Mailer Society Conference for instance, there was a panel titled, “Mailer On Women.” Every person on the panel chose the same book of his to discuss regarding the topic: “The Prisoner of Sex”, which is Mailer’s response to the radical feminist movement of the 1970’s.

Just the thought of the book set off visions of the bra burners in my head! Ah! I thought about my Gem China Blue Lace bra under my fall sweater, and I could feel it cringe at my thoughts of bras on fire. I peeked my head into the collar of my sweater and offered some words of comfort in the midst of the panel, “Don’t worry, I’ll never light you on fire” I whispered. But that wasn’t enough. I felt like I HAD to say something on the subject. Regardless of my extreme stage fright and my in ability to speak in front of a crowd, I stood up in that moment and revealed my feelings on the subject to what my Buffalo (boyfriend) would later explain was a room filled with PhD’s and scholars. Scholars?

“‘Mailer,’ I said, was a man who understood the power of femininity and masculinity like no one else.”

“Mailer,” I said, “was a man who understood the power of femininity and masculinity like no one else. He went to the extremes of writing about our greatest fighter Mohammed Ali, and our ‘Angel of sex’ Marilyn Monroe to prove this. And if anyone understands the power of females, and the complexity of our minds, isn’t it the man who wrote, ‘Marilyn’? Or ‘Of Women And Their Elegance’? Isn’t it the man who interviewed Madonna and was able to speak about her better than she could? In, ‘Of Women And Their Elegance’ Mailer writes from the perspective of Marilyn herself, as if she were keeping a journal, or as if someone were recording her thoughts. There are moments of internal dialogue in that book that feel like they were plucked straight from my head. How did Mailer know what was going on inside the female mind?’

Schlep it through the airport, remove the shoes, belts, and electronics, walk through the scanner, put your shoes back on, hop on a plane, wait for the person sitting next to you to reveal themselves, look into their eyes and predict a farter or a non-farter, pray they don’t fart, pray the plane doesn’t crash, chug a five hour energy shot, fly across the country, and now we are back where we were at the beginning of this beast, somewhere in the city of angels, just me and my camera in a room, where I am particularly fond of the couch.

I spend the next day shooting these pictures, and truly living with the lingerie as I mentally prepare for the wonderful world of Playboy, a lunch date scheduled for later that afternoon. When it was time to go, I covered up my Freya set with a tight pink sweater and high wasted jeans. Conveniently, Freya’s high wasted panties are designed to acknowledge each butt cheek individually rather than the derriere as a whole, allowing my butt to retain its shape even in skinny jeans. ‘The thong effect’ I like to call it!

The sexy black and gold Fantasie set is perfect for the evenings. If you can believe it, Fantasie has taken my garter belt virginity! Oh my! One would think other wise, I’m sure, but the truth is I’ve never worn one until Fantasie came onto the scene. Of course, leave it to the absent minded lingerie columnist to forget the fucking stockings part at home. Oh well! I choose to model them for the camera regardless, and I will have to give them a true test drive when I return from my trip, and report back to you!

I decided to adopt the 1950’s “Shutter Bra” concept of allowing just a pinch of lace to show at the neckline of my button down sweater. Just a button or two undone will do the trick, sharing a hint of the little blue bow in the center of my chest. Appropriate, I thought, to have lunch with the editor of the publication who celebrates breasts and female sexuality in American culture like no one else. I was excited to tell him all about my column, since he has edited so many fabulous literary pieces throughout Playboy’s history. And all the while, as I sat at lunch, as I walked through their offices, I knew I would have to write about how I wore china blue, through the lions and tigers and bunnies, too.

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