By Nury Vittachi

Monday, 19 November 2012

Is this a girl or a boy?

Gender confusion causing upset in sports and academia

PINKI IS A boy. This is big news in the Asian sports world just now. Pinki Pramanik (above, left) won several women’s races in the Asian Games, but the ladies complained they were competing against a guy.

A medical examination in India just proved them right.

Pinki is defending himself by saying that he’s a girl who became guyish “because of all the drugs”.

Ooookay.

This is the new dictionary definition of the “no-win situation”.

***

GENDER CONFUSION seems to be the topic of the week.

A reader wrote to elicit my help in publicizing the case of Vladimir Fomin, 44, from Kineshma, Ivanovo, Russia.

Mr Fomin (pics above and at top) noted that new equality laws meant women had to right to wear clothing generally deemed male, such as trousers.

So he wore a skirt to his job as a math lecturer. (He’s not a transvestite, nor camp nor gay.) He was sacked.

This made him more determined to fight for equal rights, and declared that from now on, he would ONLY wear skirts. As a result he is now considered unemployable.

This seems unfair. A few of us guys discussed wearing skirts to support him.

But then we realized that all of us sit like guys—with one ankle on one knee, with our legs apart, etc. If we wore skirts, we’d be committing indecent exposure all day.

The thought horrified all of us, except for one guy who really liked the idea.

So we ditched it fast.

***

ONE OF China’s new leaders appointed last week is a man “who studied Economics at a university in North Korea”, according to the press.

This does not fill me with confidence.

North Korean economics appears to have only three rules.

1) Grab the money.

2) Let everyone else starve.

3) Muahahahaha.

***

A MAN MADE a deathbed confession of murder—and then made a full recovery. Awkward!

Dying Nashville man James Washington told a law enforcement official: “I have to get something off my conscience and you need to hear this. I killed somebody.”

After confessing to an unsolved 1995 murder he got back to full health. BAD MOVE, Jim.

In court last month, he hilariously tried to withdraw what he said, but it was too late.

That recent court report reminded me of an ill guy I knew who gave away everything he owned and then recovered and had to go round demanding each piece back.

HOW APT that a tree hit the home of car-wrecking movie star Lindsay Lohan during the recent storm. She hits trees. Trees hit her.

***

A FEW DAYS ago, the Facebook computer stopped working for 60 seconds and several thousand people got on to their Twitter accounts to express their disappointment and outrage.

Life can be really, really hard.

The people eating tree bark in North Korea know just how you feel.

***

THANKS TO everyone who came to my book-signing at the weekend. My daughter Kelci managed to snap pictures of some of you. I can’t remember everyone’s names, sorry, but regular readers will recognize the guy in the top right as Frenchman Chris, a frequent commentator, shown with his Shanghainese friend Britney. Big hugs to all.