Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Monday

Joke
N°
4971

Eye Trouble
When his eyes began to give him trouble, a Czech man went to a Prague ophthalmologist. The doctor showed the patient the eye chart, displaying the letters CVKPNWXSCZ.
"Can you read that?" the doctor asked.
"Can I read it?" the Czech replied: "Hell, I dated his sister." Ryan Murphy

Tuesday

Joke
N°
4972

For The Sick
A little girl was in church with her mother when she started to feel ill.
"Mommy," she said: "Can we leave now?"
"No," her mother replied.
"Well, I think I'm gonna be sick, Momma!"
"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and then behind a bush."
After about 60 seconds, the little girl returned to her seat.
"Were you sick?" her mom asked.
"Yes," she replied.
"How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?" her mother asked.
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the sick.'" Ryan Murphy

Wednesday

Joke
N°
4973

Penis Names
Q. Why do most men like to give their penis a name?
A. They don't want a total stranger making 90% of their decisions. Ryan Murphy

Thursday

Joke
N°
4974

Farming Accident
A farmer's mule kicked his mother-in-law to death. Farmers from all over the county turned up for the funeral. The minister, examining the crowd outside the church, commented to a friend: "This woman must have been mighty popular. Just look how many people left their fields to come to her funeral."
"They're not here for the funeral," the friend said: "They're here to buy the mule." Ryan Murphy

Friday

Joke
N°
4975

One-Night Stand
A man picks up a woman at a bar for a one-night stand. They go back to her place and proceed to have sex. After they finish, the man kisses the woman and says: "I'd love to stay, but I bet your husband will be coming home any time now."
"Husband?" the lady asks: "What makes you think I have a husband?"
The man says: "I couldn't help but notice the picture of that man on your nightstand."
The lady laughs and replies: "Oh, don't be silly. That's just me before the surgery.” Ryan Murphy

Saturday

Joke
N°
4976

Cruising For Condoms
Mr. Johnson has been retired for a year when his wife of 50 years suggests they take a cruise. "We could go somewhere for a week and make wild love like we did when we were young!" she says.
The old fella thinks it over and agrees. He puts on his hat and goes to the pharmacy, where he buys a bottle of seasickness pills and a box of condoms. Upon returning home, his wife says: "I've been thinking. There's no reason we can't go for a month."
So, Mr. Johnson walks back to the pharmacy and asks for 12 bottles of seasickness pills and a box of condoms. When he returns, his wife says: "You know, since the children are on their own, what's stopping us from cruising the world?"
So back to the pharmacy he goes again, where he takes 297 bottles of seasickness pills and three boxes of condoms up to the counter. The pharmacist finally has to ask: "You know, Mr. Johnson, you've been doing business with me for over 30 years. I certainly don't mean to pry, but if it makes you that sick, why the hell do you keep doing it?" Ryan Murphy

Sunday

Joke
N°
4977

Law & Order
Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch, the junior partner slaps his forehead.
"Damn," he says: "I forgot to lock the office safe before we left."
His partner replies: "What are you worried about? We're both here." Ryan Murphy