Wednesday 27 December 2006 12.02 EST
First published on Wednesday 27 December 2006 12.02 EST

Every night newspaper editors around the nation bite their nails and decide what to run up front. Last night's shooting, or the big game? Luckily for editors everywhere, this year the question was often moot: just run the sports-crime story.

In a banner year for muscle-bound miscreants, a select few set themselves apart from the crowd. And now, without further ado, the 2006 Sports Crime Awards:

Most Misplaced Promotion:Colin Van Etten, owner of Carolina Tactical Precision, who donated an Uzi submachine gun as the prize for a fundraising raffle held at a youth football practice in Weaverville, North Carolina.

Best "Blame It On Your Girlfriend" Excuse:Sebastian Telfair. The Celtics guard gave new meaning to pillow-talk when he was caught hiding a loaded handgun in his pillowcase on the Celtics' jet. Telfair claimed he accidentally took his lady friend's travel bag, and that it was her gun. The gun was, in fact, registered to the woman.

Best All Around Athlete Criminal (Offense): Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry, for being as hard to contain in civil society as he is on the field. In a year when eight Bengals were arrested, Chris Henry stood out with four busts in 13 months. In March, Henry pleaded guilty to marijuana possession, and followed it up in June with a DUI before being charged with giving alcohol to three underage women. In August, Henry tied up the award when he pulled a gun during an argument in Orlando. He might have gotten away with it if he hadn't been wearing his own jersey at the time.

Best All Around Athlete Criminal (Defense): Chicago Bears defensive tackle Tank Johnson, who earlier in the year scuffled with a police officer who ticketed his limo (it was double parked outside a Chicago club). Luckily for Johnson, who was on probation for a gun charge, the cop dropped charges of battery and resisting arrest. So Johnson was in the clear ... until his house was raided on Thursday December 14 by police who found assault rifles. He had a bodyguard too. Or he did on Friday, December 14, anyway, as he publicly vowed to make amends. That lasted all the way until early Saturday morning when he stopped for a drink at Chicago's Ice Bar. Tank's bodyguard and childhood friend ended up bleeding to death on the bar floor with a gunshot wound to the shoulder. Tank hasn't been implicated or charged in connection with that shooting, but he has left Chicago fans wondering whether there is such thing as a Tank without guns.

Most Improved Player:Adam "Pacman" Jones. Jones, a prodigy at cornerback for the Tennessee Titans, has compiled a solid resume that includes: helping other West Virginia football players beat the living daylights out of a classmate with a pool cue in 2003; a verbal tantrum in 2005 while a guest at the Nashville Sports Council Kickoff Luncheon; and assault and felony vandalism charges stemming from a 2005 nightclub brawl. In 2006, Jones improved on his solid 2005 by turning over a new leaf: spitting. Jones was arrested twice in '06 for incidents that included him hocking goobers on women. Still, the funniest incident came when Pacman loaned his candy-apple red 2004 Cadillac XLR Roadster with his name on it (literally - "Pacman" is embroidered on the seats) to rapper Darryl Jerome Moore. Moore got picked up in a drug bust (1600 lbs. of pot, and 128 lbs of cocaine) and the car was impounded. But fate swept in a legal loophole. The car was not officially registered to Jones, so Pacman got in on the bidding when the car went up on an online police auction and won back the Pacmobile for $48,500. Said Jones, "I have 12 cars, so that is not the first time I let somebody use one."

Most Troubled Relationship: Dolphins wide receiver Marcus Vick, younger brother of Atlanta's star QB Michael. In 2004, Vick pleaded no contest to giving liquor to a 15-year-old girl. The girl, now a matronly 17, sued Vick in civil court this year, saying that he kept up a sexual relationship with her. Vick's real mistake, according to the court papers was saying that he loved the girl. Vick "made repeated misrepresentations to plaintiff Jane Doe, including that defendant Marcus Vick was in love with her," according to the complaint. For that, and other indiscretions, including allegedly saying he wanted the girl to have his child, Ms. Doe is asking of Mr. Vick $6.35 million.

Biggest Fight Loser: University of Texas running back Ramonce Taylor. After his car window was smashed as part of a 100-person fight in a pecan farm, Taylor called the Bell County Sheriff's Department to complain. Taylor gave the sheriff's deputies permission to search his damaged ride. And that's where they found live ammo and a backpack with five pounds of marijuana.

Worst Driver: Tennessee Titans mascot T-Rac, who will be making his civil court debut. The fuzzy, oversized raccoon accidentally rammed his golf cart into Saints QB Adrian McPherson at halftime of a preseason game. McPherson missed the rest of the game with a deep knee bruise, and was cut by the Saints. McPherson is suing for $20 million.

Person Who Did The Most to Ensure Sports Crime Keeps Happening: Ohio judge Gary F. McKinley. In August, gripped by the spirit of forgiveness, the honorable judge McKinley postponed the 60-day juvenile jail sentences of two teenagers who pulled a prank. The stunt: they stole a decoy deer, painted it with obscenities and put it in the middle of a dark rural road. The punchline: one man ended up disabled, and another brain-damaged. McKinley suspended the sentences so that the two star athletes - one of whom had two prior juvenile court convictions - could finish the upcoming high school football season. "I shouldn't even be doing this," McKinley said over the sobs of the families of the injured. The boys did not, however, get out of having to write 500-word "Why I should think before I act."

Most Insane Sports Parent (three-way tie):Suzanne Cozad, of Wheatland, Wyoming who shelled out the dough sending her boy to kicking camps and showed up at practice daily to videotape him, even though he was a benchwarmer on his high school team. The kid got frustrated that he couldn't crack the starting line up at the University of Northern Colorado and allegedly stabbed the starter in his kicking leg.

Wayne Derkotch, the father who, at a Philadelphia-area five and six-year-olds football game, pulled a .357 magnum on the coach of his son's team during a dispute over playing time.

Forty-six year-old Frenchman Christophe Fauviau. Fauviau's crimes were committed from 2000-03, but came fully to light this year when he was sentenced to eight years in prison. For three years, Fauviau, a retired Army man, drugged the water bottles of his teenage son and daughter's tennis opponents. In 2003, Fauviau's son Maxime was set to play Alexandre Lagardere in a village game that would see the winner presented with a leg of ham. Fauviau put tablets of Temesta, an anti-anxiety drug that Fauviau himself used, in Lagardere's drink. The drug causes drowsiness, and Lagardere became exhausted and withdrew mid-match. Lagardere then took a two-hour nap before getting in his car at 11 p.m. and heading for home. Police couldn't understand it when they found Lagardere dead, his car wrapped around a tree, no skid marks on the road, and no oncoming traffic. But then they canvassed tennis clubs, where players said they often felt sluggish when playing the Fauviaus, and that led them to Christophe. "Dropping pills in water bottles became a habit," Fauviau said at trial."I wasn't well at all. ... I felt like I was being permanently judged at how well my kids performed."

That concludes another exciting year of the Sports Crime Awards, and what a ride it has been. We can only hope that next year is, well, boring.