An introvert exploring faith and real life experiences, which shape this journey.

I wasn’t ready for 2018

When the clock struck midnight on a new day and a new year I thought I was ready.

2017 had been a hard year for me, for us. In fact, I knew many people who were glad it was over.

But the thing about time, is that it doesn’t stop. There’s no chance to recover. There’s no chance to pause and take a breath.

And when Jan 1, 2018 hit, I wanted to be ready, but I wasn’t. I had picked a theme phrase and Bible passage and I was looking forward. I was waiting for a trip to NYC and the opportunity to attend a conference to start my year.

While I normally love a blank page to express my thoughts, the journal I received two Christmases ago sat pretty and unused, as the thought of writing down everything in my mind overwhelmed me.

This blog hasn’t been updated in well over a month.

Fear and anxiety were holding me back.

Rarely in my life can I remember a time where those things kept me from moving forward.

I am not a fan of turbulence on an airplane, but that hasn’t kept me from flying around the U.S. and world for leisure, business and mission trips.

I am not a public speaker. I get completely terrified in front of most groups of people. But on a few occasions, I have been given the opportunity to speak on topics I was passionate about. In the end, the experiences were wonderful.

Yet this past month, I spent much of my time feeling paralyzed by the past year, fearful to plan ahead, not knowing how everything would play out.

So, what has changed?

I did something for me.
I visited a city I haven’t been to in 17 years.
I spent time with people who have hope.
I learned from individuals who want to communicate with their unique gifts.
I took a few steps in regaining my confidence and my voice.

Everything isn’t fixed, but perspective provides a spark.

I’m still fearful of what a return to messy, everyday life will look like, but I feel more ready to face it.