Newt-ered

Imagine my dismay: Newt Gingrich’s brain trust spun on its collective heel and marched out the door after the alleged candidate for the GOP presidential nomination decided to go on a two-week vacation a few weeks after a series of miscues right out of the starting gate that would have The Three Stooges muttering, “C’mon, don’t you think that’s a little over the top?”

The inside chatter centers on who wears the boxers in Newt’s most recent marriage, and that would appear to be Callista Gingrich, who is said to have insisted on the vacation. Mama spank. Ouch.

Meanwhile, some folks think this gives impetus to the latest asshat to serve as governor of Texas, Rick “Goodhair” Perry, as the late, great Molly Ivins used to call him. The Texas Observer has had the 411 on this bozo for the better part of quite some time, and their Bob Moser would like nothing better than to see him run and get beat like a rented burro.

But it looks like we’ll have Newt to kick around for a while yet. According to Politico, he announced on Facebook that he was still in the race, “committed to running the substantive, solutions-oriented campaign I set out to run earlier this spring.”

I can’t tell you how happy that makes me. After all, the Stooges have been absent from the national stage for decades.

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The thing that has me worried, as we sit here laughing at the buffoons better known as Republican candidates, is that all of this seems oddly familiar. I remember a time a decade or so ago when we had a booming economy, a balanced budget, and our biggest financial concern seemed to be how to spend the budget surplus. An election loomed, and the Republican front runner was this idiotic drunken frat-boy with a “born again Christian” sales pitch and a fake Texas accent. It seemed absolutely laughable that the Democrats, with an intelligent and accomplished candidate, could possible lose. Yet that whole thing didn’t turn out so well, did it?

Don’t look now, but there is a very real possibility that one of these “stooges” could actually be our next president.