Or is it the opposite?I’m
not sure if “Miss Manners” has ever covered this before, but I’m going to give
it a shot.There is a certain
etiquette, I think, to walking.I’ve
worked in relatively large companies over the years.Which means I’ve had to walk through
large buildings filled with,,, PEOPLE! (I know, it’s pretty scary, but it can be
done)Of course, these rules can
still be applied to small places, like the local convenience store or grocery
store.They can also be applied to
walking in the park or on a busy city street.

I’ve always taken the approach of driving because it just seems natural.I can imagine this would get
confusing if you are in a country that uses right hand drive, but the principals
still apply.So take some of the
basic rules as follows:

Take left
turns across “Traffic” like you would in the car (for some of you that means
WAIT until there is a space or someone offers to let you through)

Be aware
of what is going on behind you so you aren’t causing a traffic Jam or worse yet
a rear end collision (that could get embarrassing)

Please
don’t stop in the middle of traffic to have a conversation, step to the side as
best you can.

OK, so we hit the basics, now let’s talk about things that are specific
to walking as compared to driving.

Doors (the rules here are cumulative,
select all that apply to a given situation)

MEN - ALWAYS hold the door for ladies
(unless they offer to let you through, don’t offend the ladies by refusing this
return gesture; remember they even have the right to VOTE these days!!!)

WOMEN – Please accept the door
holding from Men graciously, most don’t mean it as belittling; they simply want
to pay you respect which is what their mothers taught them to do.However, if you catch them looking at your
butt, you have my permission to knee them in the NADS!

One last thing though, don’t leave them stranded either; I know I’ve stood by as
20 women have gone through the door before me so every once in a while let the
poor ape go first.

Single Doors – Do what you SHOULD be
doing in merging traffic, let one person before then go yourself and be sure to
PASS the door hold to the next person, don’t just let it close in their face.

Double Doors – ALWAYS use the RIGHT
hand door!You wouldn’t go through an
intersection In the left lane would you?!

Thank You and Hello – Say thank you!Or at least give the nod to the person who
held the door for you!If you are the
holder, smile or say hello while holding the door.However, try to avoid saying “what’s up”
or “how are you” because you wouldn’t want that to turn into a conversation and
cause a traffic jam.

TAKE CARE when exiting a door that
you cannot see if there is someone on the other side.I have literally witnessed someone get
their front teeth knocked out by someone charging through a door and smashing
someone in the face!

Traffic

Again,
walk on the right side of traffic (it’s worth mentioning twice)

DON’T walk 2 or 3 wide and then walk
slowly, that is extremely disrespectful to the people behind you who might have
a meeting to go to!(or more importantly
LUNCH!)

If you
are stuck behind people who are
carelessly blocking traffic, you are going to have to ask them to let
you by.It is OK to do this because it is
they who are being oblivious not you.But
be polite, kicking them in the ASS doesn’t work very well. (Neither does the
“evil eye”, trust me I’ve experimented at both extremes!)

Steps

Yep, you
guessed it, stay to the right!

Single
file please, I don’t care how important you think your conversation is!

Be
mindful of your appendages, luggage, long poles, etc.;that can get dangerous!

Be
careful when mounting the steps behind someone, it’s been scientifically proven
that climbing steps causes loss of sphincter control.So your placement in line on the steps in
relation to the person’s “height” in front of you could mean the difference
between life and death!

Elevators (this could probably be a
whole topic in and of itself, but I’ll try to be brief)

The key
to elevator etiquette is to be aware of your surroundings.If you are entering an open elevator, take
a millisecond to take note if there are others approaching and hold the door for
them.

Say hello
and smile, but leave it at that, I really don’t need to know how hot it is
outside for the 8th time this trip.

Move to
an open area to stand or if you can, take charge of the controls and ask the
other person where they would like to go! Then press the button for them.

Since
there is no added exertion involved with riding an elevator, please maintain
sphincter control during your trip!At
ALL COSTS please, remember that even if you are alone, elevators are an enclosed
space that is rarely ventilated properly!

It is OK
to look at the floor indicator for something to do during your trip. But here
are a few things NOT to do:

Don’t
look down!In the case of elevator rage
(if unprovoked) this presents a posture of weakness and could be a further
trigger.

Please
don’t look at the other person, in this enclosed space it is very creepy and a
sure trigger of elevator rage.

In case
of unprovoked elevator rage; stop, drop, and roll!Or curl up in a ball or something.

In case
of PROVOKED elevator rage; take it like a
MAN because you deserve it! (I did warn you about the triggers you know!)

When
leaving the elevator, assuming that you make it out alive, it isn’t required to
say something.However, a simple “take it
easy” or “have a nice day” is always a nice gesture.

Finally,
just remember that there is a possibility
you could be stuck with this person for hours if something goes awry.So don’t say or do anything that you might
regret for the next few hours!

Turnstiles, Metal Detectors, Explosives Detectors, and Body Scanners.

We’ve all
experienced heightened security measures in this day and age, so I’ve got some
tips for that too.

If the
device operates in two directions, follow the stop sign rules.One person goes from one direction then a
person goes from the other direction.

Do I
REALLY have to say “one at a time
please”!Ladies (or Men for that matter)
again I give you permission to appropriately maim the person who violates this
rule.

In the
case of Body Scanners, do what your mother taught you and “Wear Clean
Underwear”! Have mercy on the airport staff please, they are just doing their
job! (no matter how enjoyable they may find it, it’s still work right!?)

So that’s all I can think of at the moment.I am always open to your suggestions for additions to these “rules”.

Remember to be polite and courteous, it not only can make you feel good but it
can really make the difference in someone else’s mood.A smile really can change the world.
(or is that a coke? I know they make me happy)

If, however, you are one of those people who are as dangerous on the road as a 2
year old with finger paint; then maybe the reverse should be the case and you
should apply your walking habits to driving!

That leads me to the next logical progression on this subject titled
“What if the Other Driver could hear you?” so check that out next.