Zayn Malik is 23 years old, which means he’s only about60 years removed from being an octogenarian, and less than 40 years away from being a SEXagenarian. He’s lived all the life he could possibly live and so it’s time to release a memoir. And we have a juicy excerpt. Here it is. Ready?

Zayn’s self-titled autobiography is due on November 1. Here’s an excerpt:

...One Direction: sex.

What doesn’t it tell you?

Related: Malik’s ex-girlfriend Perrie Edwards may have exposed him as an alleged bad sexer in a new Little Mix song, according to Perez Hilton.