Be careful what you search for - you might get porn

With the news of pensioner, Alan Rimmer, searching for the answer to a crossword clue of "Wild Asian Ass" (answer is Onager) on a popular search engine, and getting quite a lot of porn, Google have announced that they will help such naïve idiots. It's not the first time that Alan Rimmer has seen such depraved images, after searching for himself, but spelling his forename incorrectly.

"We did a trawl through our data sense archives looking for similar stories," said head of Google's London based offices. "And we were quite surprised at what we found. Although, given the amount of porn on the internet, perhaps we shouldn't have been."

Creator of the website Gigantic Ewers had gone searching for more pictures he could use, with the term "Big Jugs" and got more than he bargained for. A large number of DIY enthusiasts that have been searching for innocent sounding rock and rubble products to put under paths have accidentally searched for "Cheap Hardcore" and been shocked at just how cheap (and nasty) it can be.

Children are not safe from the evil pornographers either, as several children have found out, when searching for ethnically acceptable army dolls with the search term "Black Action Man". And parents in the small village of Ass End in Surrey have completely stopped their children researching the place where they live. Popular music aficionados discovered that when looking for the new album by Scouting for Girls, it was several pages of filth before the first reference to the album appeared.

Even putting safe search on can still result in a wealth of perversion being displayed on the screen, especially when using the image search.

There is probably no point in finishing this article as most readers will have disappeared off into Google to try out the search terms highlighted. If you're still here, then Google have employed a team to refine the safe search to help people like Mr Rimmer who search for terms that can be construed two ways.

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