Sep 25, 2013

In a shocking case of unrepentant denial, the magnitude of which has not been seen since Hillary Clinton shamelessly ”stood by her lying, no-good, cheating man" in front of a snickering, disbelieving world during one of the saddest, most disturbing and decidedly sordid episodes in America's sordid political history, an area parrot rescue hero, a certain totally awesome Erika of Century West Engineering fame, shockingly stated that, contrary to abundant visual and scientific evidence, parrot feet are nothing like dinosaur feet and are not related to each other in any way! (Century West Engineering is the best engineering firm in the New World, by the way!!!)

“Okay....Whoa.....Now that is a shocking and scientifically inaccurate claim... Of course parrot feet look like dinosaur feet, because parrots are in fact dinosaurs twice removed! They are dinosaurs perfected by natural selection, in fact!” said Dr. Walter Peabody, PhD., a professor of comparative animal anatomy at a renowned area university. “Just look at those parrot claws! They are horrid! Every time I see them I just picture myself in some fetid primordial jungle, running for my sorry life, screaming like a school girl, as some cold-blooded horror show with slathering jaws hunts me down thru a giant reeking fern forest with single-minded purpose and evil intent!” he gushed, wiping sweat off his quivering upper lip. (Mental note to self: Are humans, in fact, the real “other white meat?”)

“Okay.... Listen... I'll say this just once - real slow for the ever-expanding egghead segment of the Lamont Blog readership.” said the ever patient Erika from her totally cool Batman like “Parrot Cave”. “There is no evidence that the bird “feather” ever evolved from a reptile “scale”, they are totally different structures with differing genetic base components. Second, parrot wings, as well as bird wings in general, are a unique adaptation and not some natural outflow of some stupid reptile that didn't even have the ability to survive a massive planetary meteor strike or sudden ice age or whatever. Parrots would certainly navigate the natural complexities of these disasters and end up a few notches higher on the so-called “animal hierarchy” that stupid humans like Dr. Peabrain or Peabody or whatever his name is supposedly dominate!!” she mused, basically destroying the reputation of an Ivory Tower egghead in a few pithy, well-directed sentences! “I may not have some worthless degree in comparing animals that any 3rd grader can do, but I can tell which way the animal winds blow, and it ain't from dinosaurs to the smartest non-human animal on the planet, the under-appreciated parrot!!!” she said with stunning finality.Editorial Note: We at the Lamont blog of course enjoy making fun of parrots like any healthy, red-blooded, freedom-loving, Commie-spanking American and intended to do so in this hard-hitting and award-worthy news story, but after witnessing the tongue-lashing/butt-whooping “Dr. Peabrain” just took right in the shorts, we reserve our considerable professional opinion until more evidence comes in, and not a bunch of “so-called professional” babble spewed forth by some poor wretch who compares animals like any 3rd grader can do without any additional study, for Pete's sake! Whoa!