This review is from: The Y Front Standoff (The Y Front Chronicles Book 2) (Kindle Edition)

A sequel to the superb Y Front Chronicles, this short story has managed to ramp up the laughs tenfold. The parody of daytime TV is hilarious (and makes me think that the author watches it more often than he should).

And then there’s the masterful hero of the story, SCoT-01 who just oozes sex appeal in those Y fronts of his. Move over

“Let me make this quite plain, Twever. I am not going to nibble your sausage.”

Twever looked crestfallen for a moment before perking up again. “Natti-boy?”

“Don’t call me Natti-boy, Twever,” warned Nathanial West.

“…do you want a nibble of my sausage?”

“Go on, then.”

Twever pierced a sausage with a long thin stick. Removing it from the frying pan, which was sitting on the smouldering embers of the campfire, he handed it over to Nathanial. “Wrap your mouth around that.”

Nathanial took hold of the stick and bit into the hot sausage.

“Good?”

Nathanial nodded and smiled.

“See, Jennifer? Natti-boy likes nibbling on my sausage,” grinned Twever, ignoring the dirty looks from both of his companions.

“Ardo!” called Twever as he pierced another sausage with a fresh stick and flicked it over his shoulder, high in the air.

There was a deep low growl, a sense of movement, and then the sausage vanished in mid-air.

“What does he look like, Twever?” asked Jennifer as Nathanial reached forward and speared another sausage from the pan.

Twever looked first at the frying pan, which now only contained two cooked sausages, then at Nathanial, then back at the frying pan before finally fixing Nathanial with a glacial stare. “Keep your hands off my sausages.”

Nathanial blew on the sausage before deliberately and slowly taking a bite. Twever narrowed his eyes.

“Twever,” said Jennifer.

Twever keep his eyes on the traitorous Nathanial.

“Twever,” repeated Jennifer.

“What!”

“I said, what does Ardo look like?”

“Well, he looks like…” Twever turned his head to stare at a spot about six feet away and shrugged his shoulders. “He looks like….an Ardo.”

“Twever, what does that mean?”

“It means that he looks like an Ardo.”

“You are a most annoying creature,” declared Jennifer.

“Whatever you say, Sexy.”

“You are also completely intolerable.”

“You know, the angrier you get, the sexier you become, you sexy minx.”

Jennifer gave a snort of disgust and stood up. “I’m going for a walk.”

“Be careful. It’s getting dark,” said Nathanial.

“Do you really think there is anything out there that can hurt me?” spat out Jennifer.

Nathanial turned his head to look at Jennifer. “Then why did you bring us with you?”

“To do the dog work.”

“As always,” he replied before returning his gaze to the fire.

Jennifer looked as if she was about to say something before turning and walking away.

“I think you have upset her,” said Twever.

“Me? What about you?”

“We were just having a friendly banter,” Twever removed an onion from a bag along with a small knife and started to peel it, “when you gave her that really annoying mocking smile of yours.”

Nathanial smiled at Twever.

“Yes, that one.” Pulling out a wooden plate, Twever started to slice and dice the onion. “No one knows who you are mocking – yourself, the world, or them. It’s really annoying.”

“Yes, I know.”

Twever added the onion to the pan with a sharp sizzle and gave the pan a couple of shakes. “She is worried.”

“Yes, I know.”

Twever looked round until he spotted his backpack. Reaching out, he pulled it towards him. Opening the pack, he rummaged inside before retrieving a bottle of brandy and poured a generous splash into the pan. Twever then took a generous swig from the bottle before leaning over and passing it to Nathanial.

Nathanial rubbed the top of the bottle with his hand before taking a gulp. Settling down, he watched Twever continue his cooking.

“That’s one thing I always admire about you, Nathanial; your witty and intelligent conversation,” said Twever as he stirred the pan while adding a pinch of herbs and spices from another small bag at his side.

“Twever.”

“Mmm.”

“I can’t help but wonder – where did you get the backpack from?”

“From this bloke.”

“What bloke?”

“This bloke I met about an hour before we all met up.”

“Did he not mind you taking his pack?”

“Nope. He was dead.”

“He was dead.”

“Yup.”

“How?”

“Suicide.”

“Suicide?”

“He was carrying sausages plus a leg of deer and Ardo was nearby, which is pretty suicidal.”

“Oh.”

The delicious aroma from the cooking reached Nathanial. “You should have been a chef, Twever.”

“I was before I became…what I am,” replied Twever as he stirred and shook the pan, “hence why I added a splash of brandy to the pan. It picks up all the flavours from the pan and creates a wonderful and tasty light gravy.”

Twever reached into the backpack and took out a wooden bowl into which he poured the sausages, fried onions, and reduced gravy. He then placed a spoon in the bowl and silently handed the meal to Jennifer.

Jennifer reluctantly reached out and took the offering. “Smells nice.”

Twever smiled and removed a small loaf of bread from the pack. Breaking lumps off it, he wiped the frying pan, mopping up the remaining gravy.

Jennifer made a small noise of pleasure as she tucked into her evening meal.

“See, Natti-boy,” said Twever, “I can always satisfy a woman with my sausage.”

‘The Y Front Chronicles’ is set in the year 3256, and is the diary of a born killer, hiding on-board a cruising Star Ship, deep in space.

The diary details his nine month stay on the Star Ship, his thoughts on his past, present and future, his lovers, his hamster, daytime TV, the adult film industry, and his constant search for a pair of comfortable underwear.

This darkly humoured book is dedicated to all the people who have felt far from home, lonely, out of place, without purpose and out time.

Solomon Pace is one of my all time favourite villains, and after reading the full trilogy and ‘Tales of Solomon Pace’. I thought I knew the character very well. However, Alan then writes three short stories, which lets me see a totally different side of the character and revels more of Solomon’s past.

All the stories are well written and enjoyable. For me, the stand out story has to be ‘Rain Down’ it is simply superb and the twist at the end is brilliant.

When people ask why do I read ‘Alan Scott’ novels? The answer to that is very simple – He writes excellent, well rounded and believable characters, that draw me in and keep me engaged throughout his stories and tales.

If you like dark fantasy, then read this book, you will not be disappointed.

Like all of my short promo stories, it links in with my two novels Echoes of a Storm and Scions of the Storm. However, can be read as a standalone story.

When Ardo Met Ozzy features Ardo. For those of you who don’t know who Ardo is, I have put a quick pen picture below.

Ardo is a large four-legged invisible creature. He is owned, if that is the correct word, by Twever, whom Ardo likes to call “the Idiot”. Since no one except Twever (and one other person) can see Ardo, there is some debate as to what type of creature he is. Some people think he is dog, while others say he is more cat-like. When asked, Twever just says, “He looks like an Ardo!!”

Ardo’s hobbies are: getting his ear scratched as much as possible, watching people have sex – he likes the faces they make – and killing small fluffy woodland creatures.

The book is very much a nod and a wink at wildlife/ nature programmes and certain popular erotic novels.