game on you.

The 10 Kids You Meet at a Super Bowl Party

Our pre-kid days of watching the big game at a bar, lightly buzzed and gently guac’ed are fading fast. Instead, we are more likely to find ourselves at the home of some friends brave enough to host a “family friendly” party. Think – herd of miniature linebackers in Pull-Ups generating paralyzing noise level, while adults try to watch the game. Cheers if you have already been acquainted with these ten kids you may meet at a Super Bowl party:

Newborn Nelson

“Hi, I’m Nelson. I’m only five weeks old, I sleep all the time. My parents think this having-a-kid thing is a piece of cake. Wait until I have a shit-storm up the back of my onesie at halftime and then start my incessant crying from the overstimulation. It’s going to be epic.”

Over-Sharing Sherri

“Hi, I’m Sherri. I’m three. My Mom was yelling at my Dad in the car on the way here, because of the “inappropriate” texts he got from a lady at his work. I think she’s pretty, but Mom says she’s only pretty because she pays a doctor to put needles in her face. Gross. I hate needles. I bet her doctor gives her two lollipops for that.”

Low-Grade Fever Freddie

“Hi, I’m Freddie and I’m four years old and this is the first party my parents have been invited to all year. They really didn’t want to miss a chance to see other adults. They call it FOMO. My dad even shaved! So, they are pretending that I haven’t really had a fever since Friday. Maybe I won’t get anyone else sick. If I remember to cover my mouth when I cough, my parents will give me a dollar.”

Stole a Soda Sylvia

“Hi, I’m Sylvia! I just turned five and three quarters. I can’t stop running, shouting and jumping on furniture. Don’t tell my mom, but I just drank a whole can of brown soda! The bubbles tickle my nose, but it tastes amazing!! I only threw up once, but I drank some more and got all my energy back. TOUCHDOWN!!”

Traumatized Tiffany

“Hi, I’m Tiffany, and I’m 9 months old. Can you please take me out of my dad’s arms? He keeps waving me in the air every time his team scores. When the QB got sacked, my head almost hit the light fixture. I don’t know what shaken baby syndrome is, but it doesn’t sound fun.”

Guacamole Gus

“Hi, I’m Gus. I’m six and I like to dip these big tortilla chips into this green soft stuff and then lick it off. I don’t actually bite the chip, I just lick the outside. The taste gets better when you double dip. If the chip gets too soggy I leave it on the table and find another one to lick.”

Blocking the View Billy

“Hi, I’m Billy and I’m three years old and in the third percentile for height. That means I’m short. I want to see the t.v so I stand right in front of it. I don’t like to sit down, because then I don’t feel that warm sunny feeling from the screen on my face. I love to poke the plasma screen and watch a rainbow shape form before all the adults try to make it stop.”

Where are My Parents Wally

“Hi, I’m Wally. I’m eight years old. Have you seen my parents? My dad was in the garage doing something with the other dads, but no kids were allowed to go in. I can’t find my mom either. She has on her “going-out jeans” that she will take off the minute she walks in the door when we get home. She likes to drink wine, especially before grandma visits.”

Super Fan Stephan

“Hi, I’m Stephan. I’m two and I really don’t know anything about football, but I have a personalized jersey, an autographed ball and a stuffed animal also wearing the same jersey as me. My parents also have the same jersey and make us take a million pictures together. If our team loses my dad sometimes needs to have quiet time in the garage.”

Can’t Play Nice Bryce

“Hi, I’m Bryce. I’m seven. I like to smash other kids’ Lego buildings, steal princess crowns and hide American Girl dolls in the toilet. I also love to scribble on other peoples’ drawings just after they finish them. The best part is all the grown ups are watching the grown ups on tv smash each other, so I can’t get in trouble! Go Broncos!”

Can’t Play Alone Joan

“Hi, I’m Joan. I’m five. Want to play with me? I always need an adult to play with. Kids my own age are no fun, because we have to agree on things and share. Stop watching the tv and come and lay down right here on this tent I made in the middle of the kitchen. No come back, I’m not finished playing with you….!”

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Join the madness on Super Bowl Sunday with hosts Lena & Jules as they live stream commentary throughout the game. Bring on the wardrobe malfunctions, coach tantrums and best RBF of the game! Visit www.WhileTheMenWatch.com to listen live or watch on Periscope.