Samuel Davis

Samuel Davis is no stranger to the third person. He currently writes and embarrasses himself online for internet points. His famous catchphrase is shouting "THE INTERNET WAS A MISTAKE!" at frequent intervals.

The first Conservative leadership debate was aired on Channel 4 yesterday evening. Five out of the six contenders were in attendance, with only Boris Johnson skipping the leadership debate. Experts have said that this decision showed a powerful display of intention and that maybe Johnson could benefit from making similar decisions for all future government actions in history.

The ‘Watch Dogs’ games have set up players as anti-establishment hackers, using security forces’ technology against them. In a brave departure for the series, the move-set this time round is primarily milkshake-based.

The company also announced a Nano version of their already disputed and easily misplaced ear-pods, costing only £699 and plan to introduce the Ipad Mini, a hand-held tablet that can make calls and play music.

Spectacularly, the ever-vague Labour has somehow managed to not please anybody, not exploring other Brexit options, whilst also alienating Leave areas by not ruling out the possibility of another referendum.

In a bold return to 1879, the wives stage has officially begun, with not a trophy husband in sight. Wives were ranked on their shiny coat, strapping gait, and ability to boost their other’s moral standing.

“When news outlets and satirical commentary begins to blend, what then? What jokes does one lead with when presented a story like this? ‘More shit flows out of parliament?’, ‘Another Brexit deal doesn’t hold water?’ We’re quipping into the void.” Stated one anonymous staff writer, amidst a personal crisis.