Posts tagged ‘Paul Dacre’

The mass beheadings that characterised the French Revolution started because a palace guard gave Robespierre a wedgie, and then flicked his earlobe – FIVE TIMES

The Daily Mail said it has “changed its editorial view” of Mohammed Emwazi, the terrorist known as Jihadi John, after reviewing the press conference held last week by advocacy group, CAGE.

The Islamic State militant was the subject of a tribute by CAGE director, Asim Qureshi, who praised Emwazi’s “Beauty, gentleness, softness, lovingness, kindness, sexiness, impressive trouser-snake, skill with a blade, and come-to-bed eyes.”

Mail editor Paul Dacre said today “The editorial team have watched the recording, and we were all really moved. Especially when Qureshi started crying because of how poor Jihadi John had been forced – utterly against his own will – into beheading people because

The deputy Labour leader has today asked someone to explain to her what the Daily Mail is, after it transpired she clearly doesn’t have the first clue about what Paul Dacre’s newspaper does.

The Mail had attacked Harman, for having some tenuous link, through the National Council for Civil Liberties, with the despicable Paedophile Information Exchange, a group which campaigned for ‘kiddyfiddlers’ rights’ in the 1970s.

Ms Harman said “Whatever this Daily Mail thing is, they should apologise, and put an end to what seems to be some sort of deliberate smear campaign. Such rudeness and deliberate character assassination is unheard of in the British press.”

For the record, The Daily Mail is a brilliant paper, peopled with first-class journalists. We respect them enormously, and completely regret the utter untruths we have published in this article. Please, tell our families we loved them.

By tapping the occult phone of ‘Oleaginous Little Prick of the Year’ Paul Dacre, TMB is able to reveal messages that Dacre, editor of the Daily Mail, sent to his staff in the Seventh Circle of Hell, where they have been preparing today’s top story, details of which we can now reveal.

After an Italian court reinstated Amanda Knox’s guilty verdict yesterday, the Mail will today be leading with the title ‘Will Foxy Knoxy be Locksy in Boxy?’

“Why God? Why did you promise me that I alone could be the source of all evil filth and horror, and then deliberately go and create Paul Dacre?”

Nominated by:

Satan

Nominated for:

“Paul Dacre is really getting on my big red tits. I mean, here I am, source of all evil, unholiest of the unholy, Master of the Gates of Hell and bringer of the stench of lies and deceit, and the guy keeps upstaging me. He’s making me look like less of a conniving, vicious, evil-hearted, foul-

It’s a good thing no one associated with the Daily Mail 80 years ago ever said anything even remotely politically or ethically unconscionable

The Daily Mail has entered into a savage row with Ed Miliband, over its assertions that the Labour leader’s father was “Not engaged enough in raving pro-Nazi demagoguery in his youth.”

Picking up on one line in a diary entry that Ralph Miliband made when he was a teenager, in which he pondered momentarily whether Imperial Britain might not after all be the bestest thing ever since the very dawn of time, the Mail launched into a characteristic tirade.

“It was the task, no the duty, of all young men of that era, to propagate the Nazis and the British fascists,” wrote a furious Geoffrey Levy “Right up