Sex is like dancing. There are millions of moves, which each person can do.
Yet the moves may take more than just a simple 'Yes I can do', they may need
corrections which only your partner can do. You see, some of them require a
slight twist of the hip or a shake of the arm. There is no right or wrong, just
a feel that is good, thus, it is here that you will learn of some basic moves,
which only you can improve".

For the beginning couple, I suggest experimenting with the following sexual
positions. Note, even advanced couples can gain a lot from this section.

Suggestions:

Read these ideas together with your partner

Practice these ideas with your partner (or with a doll)

Talk with your partner about what was exciting and scary about trying a
new position

Remember the key to these positions, besides having fun, is they help you
develop trust between you and your partner. To follow these directions and
discover ideas together takes practice and a good deal of cooperation.
Through the practice of these games, you may even learn something about your
partner and yourself.

Sexual Positions *Ideal for new couples first
starting to have intercourse*

Missionary Position (person with a penis or dildo on top) In the missionary
position, the person with a penis or dildo is on top and assumes the dominant
role. The other person who is on bottom assumes the passive role. (Each person
is lying down, stomach-stomach, face-to-face. Most people may be able to
remember using this position the first time they had sex or in their early days
of sexual experimentation.) It is one of the tried and true methods for
intercourse. Unfortunately, this position gets a lot of bad press. It is
considered 'gendered and old-fashioned". I believe this is a great
position. The person on top has a lot of control over the degree of stimulation
that they get and the person on bottom can easily increase their sexual pleasure
by masturbating while simultaneously having intercourse. If the partner on top
is especially coordinated, she/he could also help masturbate the person on
bottom. Some of the techniques used to create an intimate environment are
eye-to-eye contact, guiding your partners hip movements with your hands,
massaging your partner's neck/back, nibbling the other person's ears, necks or
lips. And of course, whispering something that only your partner can understand.

Sexual Positions *For the creative couple who want a
new sensation*

A slightly more technically advanced position, than the basic missionary
position . . . for the adventuresome couple only. The person on bottom and the
person on top switch leg positions. The person on bottom closes their legs (in
the missionary position, the legs straddle (the person on top)). The person on
top straddles the legs of the person on bottom. Visually, at least in my mind,
it looks as if the person on top is doing a wide-legged push up. The benefit of
this position is simple: for the person on top, additional stimulation to the
penis/dildo and for the person on bottom, additional sensations on the inner
thighs. Caution: the top position is (for a top that desires) a good physical
workout. Expect to sweat.

A variation on the missionary position: The passive person sits on the edge
of a chair or bed, and the person with a penis or dildo kneels in front of them.
The person kneeling then uses his/her or hips to thrust. Neither person is
putting weight onto the other person. As the person thrusting is perpendicular,
his or her weight is used more efficiently. Sex is exercise and does burn
calories. While this position requires a bit more co-ordination than the
missionary position, it is often considered less intimate. Face-to-face contact,
and whispering become less natural when not facing one another. However, this
position does allow for great foreplay. The person with the penis/dildo is in an
excellent position to explore their partner's genitals with their eyes, hands or
mouth.

Sexual Positions *For the advanced, bored and/or
uninhibited couple*

Instead of assuming the missionary position, where the couple is head-to-head
and toe-to-toe, one person should reverse their position, so that the two of you
will now be head-to-toe and toe-to-head. Again, the difference between this
position and the missionary position is that this time, the partners face the
opposite direction of each other. Each person has a view of the other person's
feet. Make sure your feet smell good! The angle of entry is different and often
will require verbal communication. To make this work, the person on bottom will
need to arch her/his pelvic area (back flat against the ground) and
communication between the two of you will need to be stellar. The angle of entry
is very different than what most couples are used to. I strongly suggest that
the woman help guide the penis/dildo with her hand into the correct position.
This is a great position for couples who want to try something new, and are
prepared to make fools of themselves and be comfortable laughing about how hard
this position makes lovemaking.

P.S. while each of you are now facing each other's clean toes, why not have a
nibble? Some people love a nibble. Sucking toes and massaging the insoles adds
an extra stimulation which can be very arousing.

Sexual Positions *For a woman who wants to have
intercourse for the first time*

Woman on top is recommended for women who are having sex for the first time
because it puts them in control of the situation. The woman is in a position to
engulf the penis/dildo at her own rate of comfort. Of course the other person
has some control of the situation too because they are constantly
talking/sharing feelings throughout this whole experience. In this position, the
person on bottom should tilt her or his hips, back flat on the ground. This
allows for an angle that often many women enjoy. In this position, the person on
top often lies atop with her legs stretched out or bent. Sometimes, she may sit
straight up and slide up and down. Many women report that they really like this
position because of the added genital stimulation (the vulva rubs up against the
person on bottom's pelvic bone). In addition, men (again, if they are
coordinated) can stimulate their partner's vulva (and/or breasts and/or other
body parts) with their hands or women could masturbate themselves while having
intercourse. Many people on bottom find this particularly pleasurable because of
the added visual stimulation of seeing her breast. For a woman who appears
self-conscious, I recommend telling the woman how much you are enjoying the way
she moves, and how good it feels. This may help her relax. As she relaxes, she
may start to enjoy herself more. Actually, this tip goes to all people. Positive
reinforcement of pleasurable sensations/movements is a good way to encourage
your partner to continue whatever she/he is doing.

This position is for those people who enjoy slow motion sex. The angle for
intercourse is not conducive to vigorous thrusting. Position the person with the
dildo/penis sits cross-legged on the floor. The woman sits on top of him, with
her legs straddled around him. They are sitting face-to-face. This creates a
perfect opportunity to hug for a few minutes and be intimate. Be careful that
you do not fall over! Sitting on top of each other and maintaining stability is
a formidable task for most people. Some people prefer facing the same direction.
This is preferable for those who feel less coordinated or embarrassed. You do
not have to face the other person. But hey, if you can not laugh about sex with
your partner, are you ready to be doing what you are doing with them? Sex is
funny. Great chairs include rocking chairs, kitchen table chairs and, of course,
the chair in the office. Sex on a chair makes for a good study-break.

Sexual Positions *For the coordinated couple in a
rush*

A true quickie, for the super coordinated couple-- try standing and having
sex. In the ideal world, both people would be of similar heights, or one person
could be strong enough to lift the other person to reach the right level. Women
need to tilt their pelvic, so that the vagina is forward, and easier to access.
The person with a penis/or dildo either need to squat a bit or have the woman be
on a small stool. However, if the woman is taller, then her partner may need to
stand on the small stool. This type of intercourse seems to work well on
staircases in an office building, down a dark alley, in the middle of a
graveyard and other such forbidden places. I highly recommend at least one
person wearing a skirt or some other such clothing, which will allow for easy
access.

Sexual Positions * For the uncoordinated
couple in a rush*

The woman puts her hands on a chair, desk, couch or wall, leans forward, butt
into the air. The person with a penis/dildo penetrates her from behind. The
woman will need to tilt her pelvic region to easy the entry of the dildo/penis
into her vagina. The person from behind can controls the frequency of the
thrusting. To help steady him, he/she can hold onto her butt/hips and thrust.
Often couples enjoy hard thrusting. This position is much easier to achieve than
the standard face-to-face position. This position is great because in addition
to intercourse, it allows the person from behind to massage the woman's breasts,
give big hugs and even manually stimulate her vagina with his/her hands. This
position can also work well in a stairwell, in an office setting or in a
graveyard. It is easy to use this position to have a 'quickie'.

This position, side-by-side is recommended for the person who is pregnant, or
the couple who is sick of fighting about whose turn it is to go on top or
bottom. In this position, the couple spoons together. This position can be very
intimate. Many people report that it is a natural feeling to hug the other
person and feel protected. In fact, some people find this position so relaxing
that after intercourse, they fall asleep in this position. Ok, but how does this
position actually work? Generally, the person with a dildo/penis is in back, but
it could be done the other way around. When the woman is in front, to make her
vagina easily accessible for penetration should tilt her pelvis back and stomach
forward. The person from behind slides his penis/dildo in from behind. This,
position is like the doggie-styled position, except that both people are lying
down.

Now that you know some cool moves, remember the key to success is
communication coupled with a bit of variation. Sex, like dancing, if always done
the same way, can get boring. If you normally prefer to have sex in the morning,
try having sex at night. If you normally have sex on the bottom, try standing
up. If you like to have sex in bed, go hot tubbing and have sex in the hot tub.
Change whatever you are doing. Catch your partner by surprise. The most boring
thing in the world is if you can predict what your partner will do. If you find
yourself never initiating sex, initiate it 4 times in one day. If you find
yourself always instigating sex, then stop for two weeks and see how your
partner reacts to changing her/his role. For that matter, if you always begin
being sexually intimate by kissing first, play with her/his toes first. If you
normally start touching the genital area, start by giving a backrub, which will
turn into a front rub. Change is the most critical part here. Anything different
is an improvement. For example:

Blindfold and tie one person's hands together. Then ask the person without
use of their hands or eyes to explore your body.

Use foods, such as strawberries, whipped cream, chocolate or honey and
spread them out over each other's body.

Create a romantic atmosphere in the bathroom (candles, music, and bubbles)
and take a long luxurious bath. Wash each other from head to toe. After both
of you are thoroughly relaxed and cleansed, start touching each other with
your lips. Begin by sucking on each other's right toes and work you way all
the way up to the left tip of their right finger.

Ms. Robboy is the
Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for
Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc. Alex practices
marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also
conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality
throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated
from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a
Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced
Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters
Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy.
Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board
certified sexologist and through the American
Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a
certified sex therapist. Additionally, she is a
licensed clinical social worker and a member of the
American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.

Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it
changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood.
Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can
be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of
non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of
the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to
move, only what feels good to all those involved.
The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if
you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe
others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to
alex@howtohavegoodsex.com and I will be sure to include it
on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website.