BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:TODAY’s edition of “People” magazine names Angelina Jolie the ‘World’s Most Beautiful Person’ (because we haven’t had any news about her in over 3 minutes now) . . . TONIGHT “General Hospital” actress-turned-“Dancing With the Stars” winner Kelly Monaco hosts the 33rd annual “Daytime Emmy Awards” live on ABC-TV from LA’s Kodak Theatre (“Young & Restless” leads nominations with 18) . . . THIS WEEKEND is the first of the 2-weekend “New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival” which, thanks to interest in Hurricane Katrina aid, has attracted a raft of artists including Keith Urban, Dave Matthews Band, Jimmy Buffet, Bob Dylan, Paul Simon, Elvis Costello, Lionel Richie, and Fats Domino to perform at the Fair Grounds Race Course . . . THIS WEEKEND’s “Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival” in Indio CA features performances by Madonna, Kanye West, Franz Ferdinand, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Scissor Sisters, and Depeche Mode, among others . . . Director Quentin Tarantino has reportedly signed a deal to direct a still-untitled biopic about guitar legend Jimi Hendrix (shooting is expected to begin later THIS YEAR in Hendrix’s hometown of Seattle WA) . . . And 4 teenage robbers in West Palm Beach FL have netted a total of nada after trying to mug illusionist David Copperfield, who turned his pockets inside out to reveal absolutely zilch even though he was carrying his passport, wallet and cellphone at the time (it’s a trick he says he calls ‘reverse pick-pocketing’).

BS MUSIC NOTES:• Daniel Powter – “Bad Day” has now topped “Billboard” magazine’s ‘Hot 100′, ‘Pop 100′ and ‘Hot Digital Songs’ charts for 5 straight weeks.
• Evanescence – After nearly 3 years of hiatus they’ll return to the spotlight with a new CD, “The Open Door”, scheduled for release OCTOBER 3rd.
• Godsmack – TONIGHT the chart-topping rockers are on ABC’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live”.
• Goo Goo Dolls – TODAY the Buffalo-based boys do syndicated TV’s “Live With Regis & Kelly”.
• Hawthorne Heights – TONIGHT the “Saying Sorry” rockers appear on “Late Night With Conan O’ Brien” on NBC.
• Jerry Lee Lewis – TONIGHT the 70-year-old rock ‘n roll pioneer guests on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Phil Vassar – TONIGHT the country singer/songwriter is nominated for a “Daytime Emmy Award” for ‘Outstanding Original Song’ for “Live for Today”, used on NBC-TV’s “Today Show”.
• Snoop Dogg – He & 5 members of his entourage have reportedly been charged with ‘violent disorder and affray‘ (noisy arguing) after a fracas at London’s Heathrow Airport that injured 7 cops. It seems they became angry when they were refused entry to a 1st-class lounge. Bottles of booze got tossed around; fisticuffs broke out; and some 30 people were eventually involved.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:• “Akeelah & the Bee” ( PG Drama ): Keke Palmer plays a gifted young girl from South Los Angeles training for the “National Spelling Bee” with the help of a reclusive professor, played by Laurence Fishburne. Angela Bassett co-stars. If a spelling bee seems dull fodder for a movie storyline, keep in mind the real-life annual “National Spelling Bee” is one of the highest-rated annual events on – the sports network ESPN.
NET: http://www.akeelahandthebee.com/splash.html
• “RV” ( PG-Rated Family Comedy ): Robin Williams stars as the father of a dysfunctional family whom he decides to take on a road trip through the Rocky Mountains in a rented RV. Along the way they contend with numerous obstacles including a bizarre community of campers. Co-stars Cheryl Hines (“Curb Your Enthusiasm”), Kristin Chenoweth (“The West Wing”) and Jeff Daniels, who says he’s perfect for a mobile home comedy because – he owns one (he’s on the real-life cover of “RV Living” magazine). Partially filmed in Vancouver BC and Lethbridge AB.
NET: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/rv/
• “Stick It” ( PG-13 Sports Comedy ): Missy Peregrym plays a former gymnast who’s forced to return to the world from which she fled after a run-in with the law. She starts to change her ‘tude after enrolling in an elite gymnastics program run by a legendary coach (Jeff Bridges).
NET: http://stickit.movies.go.com
• “United 93″ ( R-Rated Historical Drama ): British director Greengrass handles the first feature film about 9/11 (Oliver Stone’s “World Trade Center” is coming in AUGUST), a real time account of the events on United Flight 93, one of the planes hijacked on 9/11 that crashed near Shanksville PA after passengers foiled the terrorist plot. No-name cast.
NET: http://www.united93movie.com/index.php
• “Water” ( PG-13 Romantic Drama ): Acclaimed Toronto-based director Deepa Mehta’s 3rd story of a trilogy (preceded by “Fire” & “Earth”) is about an Indian girl who’s sent to a temple where widows live after her husband dies – when she’s only 8-years-old. Set in the 1930s during the rise of India’s independence struggles against British colonial rule. Shot entirely in Sri Lanka.
NET: http://www2.foxsearchlight.com/water/
• Also opening in limited release: The German production, “Guys and Balls”, about a frustrated soccer star who assembles an all-gay team to challenge his old foes. “Variety” magazine’s Dennis Harvey suggests it should be called – “Bend Over, Beckham”.

LIKE MOST GUYS NEED THIS:A trio of middle-aged guys looking for a way to sneak beer into sports events has come up with “The Beerbelly”, a secret strap-on booze reservoir that’s disguised as a bulging beer gut. The ‘removable spare tire’ disguises an 80-ounce plastic bladder that provides the user with ‘stealth beverage’. It seems to be a hit – their website had 2 million hits in its first 5 days. And with the gizmo selling at circa 50 bucks, these guzzlers are destined to get rich! (What if you already have a beer gut … do you strap it on backwards?)
NET: http://www.thebeerbelly.com
– Ananova News

SHE’S NOT “SORRY” ANYMORE:Madonna’s “Confessions on a Dance Floor” tour (May 21 in Los Angeles through September 3rd in Amsterdam) is now sold-out. Some details of what to expect …
• The opening tune “Live To Tell” will be performed on a crucifix.
• “Music” is just an instrumental interlude during which her dancers will roller-blade before Madonna skates on to sing “Everybody”.
• The show has 3 themed sections – ‘Equestrian’, ‘Middle East’, and ‘Disco’.
– PopBitch.com

PSST, LOOKING FOR A GIG?For the first time in its 97-year history, Britain’s Secret Intelligence Service (commonly called MI-6) is breaking its cover and openly looking for recruits. A new newspaper ad lists openings for administrators, analysts, linguists, and, of course, ‘operational officers’, whose function is to actually gather secret intelligence. Thanks to international terrorism and the proliferation of drug trafficking, the agency made famous by ‘James Bond’ says it needs to recruit more efficiently than the old ‘tap on the shoulder’ method.
– “Times of London

THIS WILL DRIVE AWAY THE REMAINING FAITHFUL:A company called Hymn Technology is promoting a new device as a replacement for the traditional church organ. The ‘HT-300 Hymnal Plus’ can store up to 2,750 hymns and displays lyrics on a bigscreen, along with a ‘bouncing ball’ to lead worshipers through the tune. Yep, that’s right – it’s holy karaoke! Your place of worship can upgrade to this heavenly hi-tech hymn helper for only $3,500. (Oh oh, there’s gonna be 2 weekly collections from now on!)
– Reuters

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .• “Day of Remembrance for Persons Killed or Injured in the Workplace”, first declared by the Canadian Labour Congress in 1984. On average, 1 Canadian worker out of 13 is injured at work.
• “Great Poetry Reading Day”, a day to read great poetry as a means of better understanding the world. Take the lyrics to any hit song and look for the most outrageous attempts at rhyming.
NET: http://lyrics.com
• “Kiss Your Mate Day”, a day to share the pleasure of a kiss – when he or she least expects it.

SATURDAY –
• “Adult Public Skipping Day”, a day for adults to skip in public to feel like a child again.
• “Arbor Day”, honoring America’s trees. Many states observe Arbor Day on different dates according to their best tree-planting times.
• “Disc Jockey Day”, initiated long ago by some unknown radio personality somewhere.
• “Moment of Laughter Day”, a day set aside to experience the ‘power of laughter’.
• “Sense of Smell Day” honoring the aromas, scents and stenches that make up our world. What’s the absolute best smell you can think of? Percolating coffee? Fresh-baked apple pie? Newly-laundered sheets using rain forest-scented fabric softener? Just-picked strawberries? Warm cinnamon buns? Frying bacon? Are you getting hungry? (see BULL’S BITS)
NET: http://www.senseofsmell.org/about/nssd06.php
• “Zipper Day” celebrating the 1913 date when Canadian Gideon Sundback patented the ‘Separable Fastener’, the 1st all-purpose zipper (Hoboken NJ)

SUNDAY –
• “Hairstylist Appreciation Day”, honoring the great contribution snippers and coiffeurs make to our self-esteem.
• “Honesty Day”, to celebrate those who are honorable in their dealings with others, on the anniversary of George Washington being inaugurated as the first US president in 1789.
• “International Walk Days” begin, a time to strap on those trainers and hit the road!
• “SpankOut Day”, initiated in 1998 to give widespread attention to the need to end corporal punishment of children and to promote non-violent ways of teaching appropriate behavior.
NET: http://www.StopHitting.org

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .1968 [38] The rebellious rock musical “Hair” opens on Broadway

FUN FACTS ABOUT SMELLING:
• A woman’s sense of smell is keener than a man’s.
• Everyone has his or her own unique odor-identity or ‘smell fingerprint’.
• No 2 people smell the same odor the same way.
• The average human being is able to recognize approximately 10,000 different odors.
• Our sense of taste is greatly influenced by our sense of smell.
• Your nose can smell directionally, telling you where an odor originates.
• Your sense of smell is least acute in the morning; our ability to perceive odors increases as the day wears on.
• People recall smells with a 65% accuracy after a year, while the visual recall of photos sinks to about 50% after only 3 months.
– Sense of Smell Institute

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:Today’s Question: There are 118 ridges on the outside of THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A dime.