DN, NAKED Radio

About Me

I am here to unleash a brand new Concept, a new kind of blogging experience - Dating Naked Online. A sure fire way to be controversial, edgy and in the know. A male and female must read a long time in the making.
I am a former myspazz BLAHH-GERRR... Aspiring to take my writing to new heights. I guess you can call it the mile high club of writing so to speak. I could lie to you and tell you it's all about romance and fun and the L word, la la, loove... but it's not. It has elements of all of the above, but in the middle, the stuff most people leave out will be explored for your reading horror. There will be elements of my reality, past and present. I call it my reality column... a recurring narrative you can follow week by week. Dating Naked is the name... Dating in all its forms, is the topic. Naked in how I strip it all down to its raw naked form for your reading pleasure. I promise, you will read nothing like it. Subscribe now.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Have you ever drunk dialed your parents for a booty call? Well I did...just one of the reasons I should NEVER drink and date.

Back in my bartending days, I was at my worst as a human being. Yeah, I was out for ass, I was cocky. Sometimes rude. Yeah, I knew this, as did most of the girls I was hooking up with. Let's not pretend that was a bad thing. Young, dumb and full of cum...it was our twenties, if we couldn't have fun then, when would we?

We all have a booty era. My booty era went and came like most, in a fog of drunken stoopers, and, "Who the hell are you, and how did you get in my bed. Wait, where am I, this isn't my bed?" Sound familiar? Yeah, I had them too.

It's like a drug problem for some...it's on and off. We all try to go on the right path, but we take a wrong turn down "Booty Call Lane".

One night I was working and drinking...Not a good combo, but when you're behind the bar, it's kind of like being part of the party. So me and Dave, the other bartender on that night were evaluating the potential in the room. It's objectifying women at its best, or worst depending how many drinks you've had. <---looks up innocently. Truth be told...I only became a bartender for few reasons. Good pay, great hours and picking up girls. Only this night was horrible. Seemed like every girl that came in, came in with a boyfriend, or already had someone's penis in mind. It's like being hungry, and everyone else is eating, and you can only watch. It's a mind fuck. Finally, I start talking to this one girl who kept coming back, and she is all into me. I got the feeling she wanted a little Basil on her arm for the end of the night. Meanwhile, my friend Dave also had his mojo working, talking to a girl who bared a striking resemblance to Chelsea Clinton.

Mind you, I don't think Chelsea was hot, but I always wanted to bang her. Kind of like banging the boss' daughter...only this would be banging the Commander and Chief's daughter. I still get a stiff feeling at the thought of her. But maybe it's a good thing Dave was working her, I swear if I was sleeping with her, I would yell out Chelsea, who's your daddi...make her play in my oral office, playing swallow the leader. But that's just me, I am a little weird.

So, I am basically paying for her drinks at this point...and we are laughing, talking it up, I am surely going home with her...right? Wrong!!!

In comes her boyfriend...who she introduces me too, like haa douche bag. You got me half in the bag, and now he gets to take me home. Of course, she doesn't say that, but I am for sure thinking it. And no sooner do I look over, but Dave is having a laugh at my expense. No new girls are coming in, Dave's Chelsea C. is for sure leaving with him...a little first daughter role-play for that fucker. Yes, I know it's not really Chelsea, but I am sloshed. And I struck out, going home to my hand.
On the cab ride home, I started looking up possible booty call hook ups in my phone, you know sure things. Girls who understand what it is...maybe don't like to sleep alone, maybe unhappy girlfriends. Mind you, these are the old cell phones, no texting except a limited message you had to choose from. Ok, so I go through the list. Now I have to make sure I don't offend anyone. I am trashed, still drinking like a fish, so I am probably not my nicest. It's after 4 am at this point. But there are some sure bets who love them some Basil...right? Ummmm yeah. Sitting on my sofa, I call this one girl and a guy answers. he says:Guy: Hello?Basil: Wow, she wouldn't be up for a booty call right now would she? <--I'm such a dick, and so drunk...told you I was rude.Guy: WHAT, WHO IS...Basil: Click... NEXT!!!The guy actually star 69's meGuy: WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?Basil: Dude, did you fuck her?Guy: WHAT???Basil: Dude, what's the problem, did you fuck her yet?Guy: YEAH.Basil: Well you are doing better than me tonight...now if you will excuse me, I am trying to get laid...and I hang up.I was still drinking at this point, and I am getting stupider but the sip. I made many many phone calls, then, I get desperate. I take a shot at girl who I really didn't like, but she cheated on her boyfriend for me, so maybe she will feel for me and surrender a mercy lay. Something, anything at this point. I am drunk, stupid and horny as hell, I would take a tug at this point. Hell, just flash me, I will do the rest.

So I call.Girl: Hello?Basil: You alone?Girl: It's almost five in the morning!Basil, Yeah I'm, I just got home from work, I was thinking about you. <---- LIE!!!Girl: Aww, you were?Basil: Of course, all night, can I come over?Girl: Yeah, but I have my period, but we can snuggle?Basil: Sigh, nahh, forget it.Girl: Why?

Basil: Because if I don't get laid, I am going to hump the palm of my hand.Girl: Wait, is this a booty call phone call?

FUCK, What to do, I could lie, or just fess up and hope she respects the truth.

Basil: Yes, I am really drunk and horny, so I am calling you.
Girl: What kind of girl do you take me for?
Basil: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? You had a fight with your boyfriend, used it as an excuse to come over and fuck me, what, now you have morals?
Girl: Well that's never going to happen again, I want someone serious.
Basil: Wow, you're not even that hot to be so offended. <---- Wow, did I just say that out loud?Girl: WHAT...??? Fuck YOU!!!!"

And she hangs up. "I GIVE UP!!! I ended up surfing cable to see if some bullshit porn was on for some self love and fell asleep with my Moses, parting my imaginary pink sea of vagina. Maybe even Chelsea. When I woke up, I must have called every girl in my phone, because my phone was full of messages, so who knows how many more couldn't leave me a nasty message. Turns out that guy called back again, so did a few girls who would have been interested. But even worse than anything I could have done. I woke up to a message from of all people, My Mom. Turns out I left her a dirty message on her phone. She said, STOP DRINKING, you are a pig and these girls you talk to, YOU are going to catch something.

Hahaha, My poor mom. I miss her. She had a long talk with me, and asked me when I became one of those guys. I said, I don't know. didn't you have a time in your life where you just didn't think. She replied: !Yeah, I had you!" OUCH...WTF MOM.

Point taken...I will admit, I am so much more fun when I am drunk, but I leave a lot to be desired at the end of the day. Sober, I went, and hung out with this girl for lunch, where she had me for dinner. Was so much easier to just be real, go out...have conversation and let the moment happen on its own. But it didn't stop there...more stories to come on why I should never Drink, and Date at the same time...Naked

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

And sneaking in the back door, Do we sometimes use friendship's just to get closer to another more desired goal?

Depending on whom you ask the answers will vary, but the truth is, it happens more often than you think. We, as human beings, sometimes go through the back door when we are being blocked from the front. What does that mean? It means sometimes the people we want are in committed situations, and using the up-front approach is just not going to get it done. So instead of walking in the front door, and causing messy drama, we quietly sneak to the back, and use friendship in the hopes that we can take advantage of the "Insider's Information Act"to break up the relationship that seemed happy right up until the moment we arrived on the scene.

I know. It sounds horrible and not very nice at all, but honestly, can any of you say it's not true?

You can say "no, I never did it", but you can't say it's not happening. As humans, we are selfish by nature, and I can't deny my own guilt in my past. I honestly didn't even realize I was doing it until it was already in motion, but it's obvious in the advice we give and the poor way we act as friends. I had not even thought about this topic. That was until I had a great conversation with a former writer months back. She had her sights set on a guy who was not available. So she took another course of action. She became his friend with designs on eventually getting him for herself. She let the friendship develop out of her own attraction to the guy.

In some cases, guys and girls can be the best of friends; in other cases, any true platonic relationship is almost impossible. It all depends on how the friendship got started and whether or not there is a physical attraction involved, be it one sided or mutual, and more importantly on the personalities of the individuals at hand. With the likes of social networking such as MySpace and Facebook it's become an even more thought provoking question than ever before. These sites are giving us all a new way to see and speak to people we ordinarily would never have met before. We all have a friends list with that one friend in question, don't we? All women have that one friend their boyfriend or husband has a sneaky suspicion about, maybe a co-worker, but whoever that FRIEND is, you know it's the foreplay and attention you won't admit to.

Everyone denies it, but unless you are a blogger why else are you adding strangers into your little cyber world and calling them friends? What made them pick you to send a friend request to? Why did you pick them? Are we faking the friendships to get to know new people, and why? Why do we need more, and more importantly, from someone who potentially has other intentions? Maybe not everyone, but how can we really know? Is "friendship" a convenient label we give to distract from suspicion? Study the human behavior and you will for sure figure it out. Everyone believes they are the exception. That they can handle the human connection between two people and remain "just friends". And it might have been true at the start, but humans are humans. They tend to develop feelings very fast, and at that point, it becomes a battle of what to do about it and when. I can say that, because I know plenty of girls with that one big secret. I know things that if I named names, shit storms would be brewing across America.

If you want an admission of guilt, I myself have done this. Befriended females who really kind of knew what I wished would happen. Why else did I choose YOU to be MY friend . . . why? Because we can go shoot pool together? Or maybe shoot each other up with some paintballs? Maybe I can back you down on the basketball courts. No. I was attracted to you. I wanted to be in your presence in the hopes that you would feel the same connection. And no, it's not always sex related you suspicious women. Sometimes, we just feel something strong and so we advise you and want to be there for you. It's why you begin to trust in us, when in truth, it should remain private and between you and the person you made a commitment to. But you want to believe that it's just a friendship...some people call that a dick in the jar or greener grass. It's emotional cheating.

Have you ever had a friend with benefits situation, but really wanted more? Did you sell the idea that you were ok with just being casual…only you weren't?

This is a common friendship Fake-A-Roo that goes on between the sexes all the time, and both sexes for different reasons. Women, well, they wear their hearts on their sleeves. They want what they want, and think if the guy just gave it a chance, that the sex will turn into the relationship you really want. Guys, well...we are douche noodles. We know for us to get it in, we sometimes have to give up something we don't want to lose, our freedom. Guys view this as a fair trade. You get your commitment, so that you can have sex without being that girl, and us guys give up the other girls that were making you crazy and stopped you from sleeping with us to begin with. Either way, it all boils down to the same thing, dishonesty and fake intentions.

Have any of you ever watched MTV's The Real World? If you have, did you ever notice how a guy or girl comes into the "real world" situation in a relationship that was supposed to be untouchable? Well, that was until they made it to the "real world", so to speak. A few shots of tequila, and some one on one with your favorite roommate/"friend", and your relationship turns from untouchable to what am I going to do? And then finally, the break up millions tune in for. SMUG-I Got your Girlfriend.

That's social sites, and that's the real world, when you are dealing with the chemistry between humans who all want the same thing. It's unfair to those who are genuine, but who ever really knows who's genuine? Do you think the douchie bags own their douchebaggery? Does a cheating slutty wench own their shit, ever? They wear their lies like a mask, and they don't take it off. So is it really so shocking that people fake friendships to get closer to their secret desires to be with you?

Ask yourself, have you ever used a friendship, or a sexual relationship to get closer to the one you desire? ARE YOU FAKING THE FRIENDSHIP?
I have... GUILTY!!!

Monday, January 10, 2011

You are in a miserable relationship....you are not happy and definitely not being treated the way you should be.

SO WHY IN GODS NAME ARE YOU STILL IN THE RELATIONSHIP?

This seems like such a simple answer and solution, you get out as fast as you can and don't look back right? That would be the right thing to do for your own sanity but why do so many women stay in clearly unhealthy relationships? We have all been in one of these hazardous situations haven't we?

1) You caught your partner cheating and you took them back.2) You cheated on them and never told them.3) You were involved in an physically or emotionally abusive relationship and continued to take the abuse.4)You walked on eggshells for the entire relationship, due to an over critical partner and were afraid to say something that would upset them.5) You played tug of war with your ex getting back together and breaking up numerous times. They start seeing someone else in between and continue to toy with you by calling you and telling you they care about you.

These are examples of some totally hazardous relationships and yet we have all been there..why? I have been talking to men and women about this topic in preparation for this article and the answer seems to be the same.

Most people are stuck in a bad relationship not because they want to but because they are hanging onto what the relationship used to be. Many people don't wanna admit that they have failed or that they did something to cause this toxic partner to treat them this way. That somehow it was their fault and they deserved it!

You look at the person that is using you as a doormat and suddenly you only see them as what they were...and don't want to let go of that. The truth is that a toxic relationship is just that....harmful and damaging to ones self esteem!

You see yourself as someone who cannot do any better or that you cannot live without this person...even though they are clearly not doing a damn thing for you!The truth is....None of these examples have a good outcome!

The tough part is to tell yourself that this is not healthy and you need to walk away.Take it from someone who knows and has been there.....When you meet the right person, you just know...Every relationship has its ups and downs and requires effort, but a relationship that is constantly in turmoil and turned upside down is not one you need to be in.....

Thursday, October 14, 2010

I can’t figure out if dating in my thirties is bad, or dating in Pennsylvania just blows or if it’s the shitty attitude everyone seems to have about dating.

But for sure, dating sites are sucking the life out of serious-minded women all over. For sure, dating sites have women becoming borderline bi-polar, because they can't seem to tell the good from the bad. I may not be an expert, but I can strip it down, just enough too give you a better understanding of what's out there, and why it's going so badly.

First, it's not just you ladies, it’s men too. All those self-promoting nice guys who are pissed that you all say you want nice guys, yet they can't get a reply or a minute of your time. Deep down, all these self-absorbed men, who know they have better jobs have less of a chance to ever have a better offer on the table, meaning they won't cheat. Knowing that the only thing they have going for them, is this whole nice guy thing, yet they are left with unread, deleted emails. All because your headline on your dating profile read,

"Are there any good ones left?"

See, in that...I don't assume I am, "one of the good ones." I am someone's good one, just not everyone I date. To many, I am a huge disappointment in one form or another. Either I didn't deem you relationship material, or did I fit into your plans. The biggest complaint women have of men and dating sites, is that they are all faking their intentions...and just trolling for pussy. Now that is very true. It's also the most obvious statement ever made...you mean, men are thinking with their dick, really? Who would have thunk it!!

Reality ladies, all men have that thought, even the self-promoting, self-absorbed nice guy's, want to get laid.

But, not every guy who started out promising and didn't work out was player playing a game on you. Sometimes, it's just not there. Sometimes, it takes trial and error, to find out it was a short term, time share situation. And yes, if after sex...men still don't feel a connection, they move on, sometimes without much conversation at all. Because honestly, who wants to rip you apart and make you feel bad. Sometimes, saying nothing or very little, works best...and who are you kidding, it’s women who invented that. As much as that offends you, it's no different than that guy you were talking to, who you declared no more than just a friend. You think he liked that?

So you are wrong, not every guy who didn't work out, was not looking for serious. He just didn't see you as his serious. You win some, you lose some, but you move on. I can't say that my ultimate goal has been accomplished either, so if that's failure, I am failing miserably too, right along with you. Whatever the case may be, my love life is lacking the love, filled with lots of the lust. Bringing me to the biggest complaint most women have of men on dating sites.

"Tired of the games, tired of the bar scene...and most of all, done with the drama." I swear, you all have the same things to say.

At one time, Dating sites were new and viable ways to meet new people. It gave us more variety, more options so that we can better screen out dates. We could talk to multiple people at once, and weed out the ones who we would just end up wasting their time. Then, like everything else...it caught on.

Bar scene drop outs: So you thought by not going to the bar that your level of finding Mr. Serious, Mr. Right would greatly increase? I know, your friend told you some story how she found her new fiancé on match, and how happy she is, so you thought you could drink her Kool-aid...and sign up and find your man?Problem with that is, you're not her friend, and you signed up for the new freebie site. I mean why pay for it when you can just sign up for the free one. The thing with that is, so did all those guys from the bar you got tired of meeting. Most dating sites are overrun by pussy-trolling, booty-call looking guys. They probably out number more serious minded guys by ten to one.

So if you are tired of the bar scene, why are you on the new biggest singles bar in your neck of the woods?

Game on: Games, just saying you are tired of them, makes me think you have too much baggage and kind of invite the games. Let me be frank, when a douch-ie bag reads that, the first thing they see is their next victim. The next girl who is either too stupid, or too naive to see his game coming. You invite it; by showing you have a bad history of it. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, and I'm a moron, assume the pos-ish, because you deserve taking it in the ass. Jerk-offs are going to contact you, it doesn't matter how bitchy you sound...you are inviting it by daring the next one. Just learn from your mistakes, shut your mouth, and troll for a husband. Besides that...it's a turn off.

Drama-Lama: It's so funny; it’s always the people who cry out they hate the drama that always seem to have it in their lives. Yet they never seem to understand why. You fucking trolls who date married men...who have wife drama, who have girlfriend drama, who have stalkers...it’s not them, it’s you! It's almost the same thing as those people who hate the games. You don't hate the drama, you love it. You only hate it, when it gets out of control. You are the same mindless cum-dumpsters who need that attention...because that attention is all you have going for you. Just last week, and I won't name names. I had some guy contact me, who also tried friend requesting me just so that he could ask questions about a girl he was slamming at one time.

I knew what it was right away, and contacted my female friend. Turns out he is some married dude that she was a panty dropper for. And he wanted to know what my involvement was with her. That right there, drama...because you allow it and I don't. It's hideous, it's boring...it’s time consuming backwards bullshit. We as potential men in your life can't have anything to do with that. And who's going to take you seriously. If you have to say it out loud, maybe you need to change yourself before the change begins in the men you are going to potentially date.

As a guy, reading profiles, those are the ones I try to avoid. Angry, victimized sociopaths who are probably just as much of the player, as the guys she is claiming to avoid.

If you want to pick out the bad from the good, then stop reading all the emails men send you. Seriously, and do your own search. Contact the guys who interest you. By what they have to say in their profile, what they do... and what they are looking for. But most of all, you know they had no bad intentions, because it was you who found them. You are not just one of the hundred emails guys spam to women a day. Auhh, you didn't know that?

That's the secret men will never admit. Guys don't contact one person at a time. They write out a message, a message that seems to get replies...and copy and paste it to the best looking women in their area, and surrounding areas. Out of the one hundred emails, they are lucky if they get ten replies. But that's nine or ten more than they would have gotten if they just sent out one, to that one girl who they really put time into reading. Now, if you want to read a few emails from someone who is interesting to you, who fits what you think you are looking for, go ahead. But understand, you are just one of many he is waiting to hear back from. I am sure women do the same, or close to it.

Gold diggers, attention whores...boy toy seekers, who only contact the shirtless meatheads who have jersey shore haircuts. There is a girl on my page, who talks to as many guys as she can on her dating site and adds them to her Facebook...and she has like four thousand friends. She is an attention whore...Why? Because the more men she has, the better she feels about herself. It's not to be taken seriously...you might bump uglies with her, but she is not to be taken seriously. It’s all a game and we are all players in it. We are playing the field. Both men and women.

In closing, stay away from the newly divorced males and females. Although they are different creatures, they both share one common thing: they are not looking to jump right back into serious. Women might say they are, but take it from me, they are not. The first sign of anything commitment like, and they are out the door, and on their divorce papers, like it’s a magic carpet ride.

You have to remember, these are people who may have been married for ten or more years. Dating sites, and Facebook...and options, are all new to them. They will explore it all, before they commit again. If you are okay with that and know that they will not be closing out their profiles, while dating you, then enjoy. But I met a girl, who told me about her situation with a divorced guy...and she couldn't figure it out. He was introducing her to his kids, taking her out on his boat down the shore, and spending all kinds of money on her. Enough for her to close out her profile, and pay attention to just him, only he didn't. He was still testing the market...when she asked me about it. I asked her two questions...How long has he been divorced and how long was he married. She said he has been divorced for a year, and was married sixteen years.

And there's your answer, 16 years ago, there weren’t dating sites like we have today. He has money, and he has options, and options he will explore before he takes the dive down commitment lane. As long as girls are emailing him, he will explore it. Remember, it’s a dating site, not a relationship site. There is a difference. Some people want to date, and other's date for a commitment. Make sure you ask the prerequisite questions that are important to you...and remember, it’s not a guarantee, just a tool, full of tools.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

"Write about guys cheating on their other half. Instead of just breaking it off, why do they stay & continue to cheat? I'm blessed with the gift of always finding out, but too many of my friends have been through it. So tell me, oh wise one! What's the deal?"

Dating Naked

Writer: Basil Latorre

Topic: Cheating

Let's not pretend, you didn't know that already.

Let's say we lived in a perfect world, and we don't. But let's say we did...there would be no cheating, no lying. No secrets and most of all, no mistakes. But we don't live in that world. Not only that, it's not men that cheat, genders don't cheat, people cheat and for different reasons. I am all for the school of...break up before you cheat. It's one of my rules. But let's stay on that male-hating, male-blaming thing we have going here in this question.

For every guy who is cheating on his other half, there is a female helping with that problem.

Some girl, who wants what you have, doesn't even care that he can do it to her later. She just wants what she wants, and what you have. Women are part of the problem. And don't give me the, "Well, what if the girl didn't know?" They know.

But to answer the question of why, there are a bunch of answers. One answer is of the guy who wants to be selfish, and explore what is happening, but he doesn't want to destroy or hurt you. Another answer is...You have a man, who again, wants to explore his selfish side, but doesn't want to rock the boat and create a fire storm. An angry wife or girlfriend, can create havoc...because we have all heard the saying, a woman scorned; hide the money and knives...lol.

And then there is the most hated. the really selfish guy. The one who before he leaves you, and tells you the truth, he needs to make sure that the girl he is cheating on you with, is going to be there after you. All men have heard the stories of that girl we left our wives for, who didn't want him as much as she did while he was taken. That guy who is like, "But I left my wife and family for you...what do you mean it's over?" The guy who proves my theory, that you are only as good as his options.

Then we move to the part of this blog where I make sense of the title. "You Get What You Paid For"

The part that says, you know what...you knew what you were getting, when you got it. Half of all the girls who get cheated on, knew their man was capable of it. Those girls who love a guy everyone else wanted and still wants, but you love that he chose you. The ego boyfriend.

You other girls also know you have a guy, who has no self-esteem. No real confidence to turn down a hot girl who wants to blow him in the bathroom of the bar he goes to. At some point, when you do you ladies own up to your choices?

Let me be real, I have dated some shady ladies, who I knew were all relationship jumpers. The kind of girls who jump from one relationship, back to an old one... back to you, and forward to the next guy who she deems as her next on her wish list of forever happiness. I have dated the girl who dated up, over me for a guy who made more money. Or the girl who doesn't know what she wants. The thing is, I didn't act all shocked..."Oh my god, how did this happen to me? I never saw this coming, fucking bitch!!!"

I knew, and like most of you...had hoped that I could somehow change their nature. You never do, and you take them as the risks that they are, or not at all. Look, we get no guarantee...or do they have one from you? I know you think you gave one...Why, just because you said so....Really? I remember talking to one of my friends, and asked...why did you do it...Why did you cheat on her? He had no idea, and said, I never thought I would and told her that much...I mean, I meant it when I said it.

People change when we meet people who change us. I know that's just not enough for the walking wouned out there. It just has to be that all men suck, they suck at life, they suck at being commited. They suck at sucking. I mean, that's what you all want to hear, right?

Truth is, You are just angry, that you weren't enough for your man to say no. And it hurts, it hurts that he needed something else, in someone else and you want to rip his face off, shit on it..flush it down the toilet, film it..and post it on Youtube, for other angry cheated on women to watch and hoot and holla at. You all need to create a group...Just call it "pissed off."

And for the very few, who really thought they picked an exceptional man, and he wronged you...I am truly sorry. You probably deserved better. But there are other women out there, whose husband cheated, and he lied, and he didn't tell you once it started...or before. But you know what, you deserved it. There are women out there, who treat their men like they are stupid, and like they garbage. Women who nag, and complain, and it didn't matter that they work hard, you are just miserable people. Don't think as a gender, think about it.

You mean to tell me, you don't have a male friend, who you kind of understood why he did what he did, and you support him, because you know her?

People cheat, not men...and not just women. And no one is honest about it. Or is it some conspiracy planned out long ago, and tag, you're it? I mean, it's nothing to be proud of. It happens, but you move on the best you can...one foot in front of the other, and you leave it behind you...and not on to the next guy who just might be genuine when he says, "I don't want to look past you."

Thursday, October 7, 2010

...and chewing a new piece. Ever eat an old piece of gum for too long, yet you kept chewing that same piece? The flavor was gone. And you have been staring at a new piece in the pack for hours.

Well, when it comes to relationships, it seems as if the gum has lost its flavor, yet we can't seem to spit it out for that new piece. I know what you are thinking...how incredibly shallow is he to compare chewing gum to being in a long term relationship. But really, there is a close paradox between the two. It's a matter of knowing when to let go. Some people do it out of habit. It's just normalcy. But when the taste is gone, it is gone...NO?

I am all about time, and the amount we get in this life. And I will tell ya, it’s a mere blink of the eye and it’s over. Time is a gift, some say...or maybe it’s a curse? It feel's like a tease if you ask me. I want what you all want. Pure joy and happiness. I want high doses of bliss in a bottle of love crack. I want to get strung out on attention. I want be surprised for no reason, just because you wanted to do it for me. Most of all, I want to be looked at the same way you looked at me when we first met. I want stares and smiles, groping and kissing...the kind you need to take a moment and catch your breath. I want the sexy text messages at any given moment of the day. Followed by a horny, go sit down...I’m jumping your face, hello, I'm home greeting.

I want sex on tap...for no other reason than you can't get enough of me.

I want to be inspired every day...I don't want days off, I never want to stop dating, I don't care that we got married and had kids. I want flavor that doesn't stop giving. And from what I’ve noticed, everyone is chewing stale, old gum that stopped giving long ago; only you can't spit it out.

I guess I am the anti- Dr. Phil...the guy that says, “You know what? You had your chance...NEXT!!!”

Don't get me wrong, I believe everyone deserves a chance to get it right...to be heard. And maybe, just maybe, you share the blame in the failure of your relationship. Maybe instead of saying nothing, you should have spoken up sooner and actually put meaning behind what you felt in the first place. I know I am the first to spit out old gum, even before the taste is gone. Lie to me, and I am unforgiving. I guess I come from that school, where you better back up what you believe, or be ready to be walked on.

Let’s be real, relationships aren't what they use to be...or what we were told. And really, who knows what they use to be. I mean, if our grandparents met today, they might very well be divorced. You can't say one way or the other. But for me...what people call hard work, I call being lazy. When did something that used to be so easy for us, become hard work?

No, it's not hard work; you just stopped feeling it...you, or maybe both. I am sorry, but I can't buy into that thought, that relationships are work. But in the beginning, dating wasn't work...wanting to impress someone, that wasn't work. Getting a blow job, in the car one late drunk night...that wasn't work. Getting her preggers, that wasn't work...hell, when you didn't think about it, it was kind of easy, when you want something, it’s all easy. I know some Mom is saying, raising a kid, that’s hard work. But you know what? Shut up...if you are both working together, it’s not hard work; it's a pleasure, a gift.

You know why it’s hard? It's because you really don't want to anymore, at least with that person. And either out of guilt, or obligation, or both, you have to do this tedious act, when you rather do something else. I have an Aunt, who last year said, who says you always have to be happy? And I love her, I really do...but I felt kind of sad for her. And she is a God-loving woman, but you have to wonder if she just gave up at some point, and has accepted her fate in life’s choices.

If you are reading this, and don't like what you are reading...and starting to believe I am just some commitment-phobe, well, you would be wrong. I want more than any one you will ever meet...to have happily ever after. In saying that, I won't make it up as I go, if I made a mistake and the gum/relationship, has lost its flavor, then it’s time to spit it out, and chew a new piece. Because in my heart of hearts, I believe that we can always fix the now. But we can't go back, and say...coulda-shoulda-woulda.

In closing, life is short...so much so, it should be a crime. We only get one shot at this thing we call life. And if we don't put importance on it, then who will? How many of you have a friend who put effort into their marriage or relationship, only to be left holding the bag once they found someone else who is that new piece of gum? Maybe, you are that friend.

It's that, "beating a dead horse to death" analogy...only some of you are not just beating the horse, you are shocking it, giving it mouth to mouth, grabbing its balls and pulling...cherry picking the poor fucking dead horse. But it's dead. And so is your relationship. Dude cheated, he has ignored your cries for help...he has verbally abused you,he doesn't help out. Is that what you signed up for? If your relationship is starting to taste like old gum, maybe it’s time to let it go.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I guess it's a legacy left to us by our parents, who got together just to spite their parents. We all talk about what we won't put up with, what we won't do and who we will allow into our lives. Yet, almost to the script, we all settle for less than what we started out wanting. But how and why?

How and why starts off when we lose sight of our own self worth...when we devalue what's always been important to us. Core things that should never ever be compromised. We all have them...although different with each individual; we all have deal breakers that make us who we are. I have my own set of deal breakers...that absolutely cannot, will not ever be compromised. Those things make me who I am, and will shape me into who I will be down the line. Does that make me perfect...hell no. I am far from perfect and far from being check marked. But there comes a time, when you move on from that past, and grow into that person we set out to be.

With the tender age of thirty-five staring me down. I have realized my own self worth...and my past has little or no bearing on what I want in a partner.

With that, comes growth...and growth takes discipline. Something I have never been great at, and most people who know me, will agree and are probably nodding their head as they read this. Girls have always been my weakness...in many ways, my life's work.

In that, I deserve the best person who fits who I am today, and where I am going tomorrow. A person with her own set of values...just as important to her, as mine are for me. Your past also has little or no bearing on my choice of you. It's where you are today and where..."You" want to be tomorrow, that means everything. In saying that...if you are still dumbing it down today...as you were even a few years ago...then you offer me nothing in the way of a future. If time has taken it's toll, and you have no belief in a future of your own. So much so, you make bad choices now, then I can't help but look past you.

If you are dating, and falling for married men, if you are still sleeping with an ex, or if you are bedding random men who offer you nothing but that night; then what do you expect a guy to do...or see? If that's where you are and don't want a relationship...hey, more power to you. Nothing's wrong with being single and loving it. The problem is, it becomes who you are. Who you are, is what you are presenting to each person you meet.

I know what you are thinking...Don't judge me. But I'm not; I am just taking accountability for my life...wants, goals and values. Because if I don't, who will?

Our teenage years...well, they were fun. Our twenties... are all about learning that we don't know everything we thought we knew...and where we learn from those mistakes. But once we hit thirty, if we still haven't figured it out, then when will we?

If you say...I want a relationship, and not a bedroom partner...because you don't do that, and you are bedding the same guy, who has offered you nothing in the way of a relationship...then you are not reflecting your values. You have in turn, devalued them...only devaluing yourself to someone who just might be that potential life partner. If you are dating bottom feeders, and are a single mom dating a guy who has a prison record, you are dating down. If you are dating a junky, because you are tired of being alone, you are dumbing it down. If you are dating the same bar slobs who are divorced and only interested when they are drunk and stupid…what message are you sending other men?

You are quickly removed from being, potential...and become the pass-the-time girl. A time-share. And you only get a little.

That might be unfair...Just like it's unfair that some people who read my past, judge me on that today. But in that, at least I know that they take their time, their life seriously. I once heard a bunch of people talking about how we all like to date a little crazy. All I could think to myself to say was, "You wonder why you are all unhappy later." But what also dawned on me is, some of these same people who like a little crazy, are a little crazy.

Let's be real, the jealous date the jealous types. People who love drama surround themselves in drama. People who need to fight can't date someone timid. They need a running partner who can spark the most insane outburst. If you are constantly breaking up or all relationships ending the same, then it shows you put little or no time into learning from the past...why? Because you hold no value in your time, or to your heart; making you hard...inside and out.

But then you have the people who want better, who want calm, who are in the most insane relationships going, who ask themselves why they can't find someone normal. Well, why did you let the stupid fuck into your life in the first place? "When did you start dumbing it down?"

If you are a woman, who wants normal...who wants a family and to settle down, then why in the hell do you let repeat serial cheaters stay in your life? Where is the worth in that? Where is the value you are supposed to have on yourself? And honestly, why would anyone give you value and treat you with respect, if you let it slide?

All of us have a basic idea of the person we want to be with. When do we own that...when do with put value on our belief in happy?

In closing...What's my worth? What do I deserve and why? Well, I deserve honesty, with me and with her. I deserve a woman who wouldn't compromise the integrity of our relationship with a lie, because if I am the end all to be all...of a man you couldn't look past. Then you shouldn't have to lie.

I deserve the ultimate role model for our future children. A person who wouldn't do anything she wouldn't want her children to do. And who lives by that code. Who understands we had that single selfish time, and now, it's about them...it’s about family. A person who would lie down, and die for her kids...if that was needed. Just like me. But who wouldn't lie down, and die...a fighter.

I deserve everything and more, which I put in...I deserve a relationship-ready girl, who is over it...and wants what I want. Who doesn't let the bullshit that life throws at us, rattle her belief...her desire for something more...something amazing. You are what you surround yourself with. Other than that, excuses are all bullshit. The only excuse is, you just stop caring. We all have to sleep in the bed that we made. That’s my worth, what's yours?