In Pixels, unknown aliens find footage of vintage 1980s arcade video games – Space Invaders, Donkey Kong, etc – on a NASA deep-space probe and take it as threat. They build their own versions of the creatures from these classic boxes and send them back to take part in a contest for global domination. Oh, if only we'd sent them an episode of M*A*S*H.

Responsibility – and that's a term lightly used in regards to most aspects of Pixels – for saving the planet falls to Sam Brenner (Adam Sandler), a teenage video-game champion from the machine's original era whose life since has been unfulfilled. Empowered by his friend William Cooper (Kevin James), who is now a wholly unlikely President of the United States, Brenner plays Centipede in real life to save mankind.

The original Pixels, a short film by Patrick Jane that runs for all of 155 seconds, is a whimsical experience (it can be found easily enough online), but the feature version directed by Chris Columbus is bloated and lackadaisical. It plays as if it was written by a committee that was answerable to Sandler, who can barely rouse himself to offer a performance.

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Sandler's complacency is contrasted by the supporting cast, who work hard to carry the film. Peter Dinklage rocks a mullet and considerable arrogance as a rival retro gamer who has to be sprung from prison, Michelle Monaghan gets the thankless job of being Brenner's love interest, a US Army officer, while Josh Gad as another childhood friend does all the embarrassing stuff Sandler won't.

Pixels' predecessors, such as Ghostbusters, had an irreverent disrespect for authority and a deadpan outlook, but few of the many elements here are developed beyond the rudimentary. Sandler has been coasting for years, but it's disappointing that Columbus, whose many credits include the first two Harry Potter adaptations, has so little fun visually with the material.

2012's Wreck-It Ralph, another film about the afterlife of dated video games, turned these 8-bit icons into something witty and heartfelt, but Pixels awkwardly throws together action scenes for children with nostalgia and sexual suggestion for dads. Good luck explaining "slut-seeking missile" to the kids.

For better or worse, the Adam Sandler of Happy Gilmore and The Waterboy had a distinct comic voice, but he's now in the business of trying to squeeze out a lucrative likeability by appealing to as wide an audience as possible. His films are a form of brand management, and for the hopeful Pixels audience, who only get one life for their money, that means it's game over.