3 Things I DON’T Do That Contribute to My Positive Outlook

When I ask for topic suggestions for blog posts, one that comes up more often than others is how I maintain a positive outlook on such a consistent basis. I’ve thought about how to approach that topic so many times and always feel stuck. I’d say it’s partly genetics and partly choices I make everyday to make it a good day. By now, it’s largely become habit.

I also hesitate with this topic a bit because while yes, I’m a pretty optimistic, glass-half-full kind of gal, I do experience challenging seasons, frustrations, and hurt feelings too. I know you are thinking, well, duh, we all do, but sometimes I get comments that really seem to believe I’m happy go lucky 100% of the time. So while I’m excited to share my self-analysis of the “how” behind my chipper attitude, I also want you to know I’m not always walking around with a blissful dazed grin on my face.

I believe the old adage that happiness is a choice and, for me, well, I choose to be happy! Sometimes that is easier said than done, but here are 3 things I don’t do that also help contribute to my positive outlook.

1: I don’t let a temporary mood dictate my entire day.

This one definitely takes practice. Learning how to move past a morning consisting of a broken mug of hot tea on the floor, a simultaneously crying toddler, and a whining preschooler making me want to crawl back under the blankets and cry for a do-over is not something that just comes naturally.

When those frustrations occur, I take what I need to reset my mood. A lot of time it’s a few deep breaths and a moment of separation that I need to get my act together. I use this moment (sometimes it’s the two minutes I take in the house once the kids are buckled in the car) to recenter myself. I comb through the situation logically (it wasn’t my favorite mug, she needs an extra hug and help with her headband, we will be five minutes late and the world will keep turning, I promise).

Then I take one more deep breath and treat myself. Yup, a pep talk and a treat. The treat can be a fresh mug of tea, taking a minute to put on a coat of mascara, or sending a funny gif to David depicting the state of chaos our house is in (connecting with another adult on a tough morning is essential).

If things are still rough, we change gears.

Rather than continuing to push through a challenging day, I make whatever adjustments I can. Afternoon baths and pajamas, playing board games instead of cleaning out the hall closet, saying no to a commitment, mac ‘n cheese for dinner. Basically, grace. I give myself permission to change directions and treat myself as I would a good friend.

2: I don’t allow myself to play the victim.

Self-pity can be a satisfying place to visit, but if I wallow to long it will consume me. If I’m having a “poor me” moment, I allow myself to have it- for about 2 minutes. Then I channel that energy into brainstorming solutions to my situation or at the very least, adjusting my outlook and attitude toward my situation.

I believe we always have a choice. It may not be a fun choice; in fact it may be choosing the less least desirable of the two, but we all have choices. Knowing and believing that empowers me instead of allowing me mope around feeling like a victim of fate.

3: I don’t let fear make my choices for me.

Good things never come from fear. Fear shuts us down. Fear isolates us. Fear keeps us from experiencing really wonderful things, like love, success, and joy. Two things help me push past fear: faith and vulnerability.

I get more comfortable everyday being vulnerable. Thank you to each passing birthday, family, true friends, and Brene Brown for that. Vulnerability means opening myself up to the chance of being hurt, but it’s also the birthplace of connection, fulfillment, and happiness too. Honestly, instagram stories feel incredibly vulnerable to me, as being in front of a camera is much more intimidating than the safety from behind my keyboard. They feel raw, and scary. What if you hate the way my voice sounds? What if I really don’t have anything interesting to say? However it is also a place where I feel incredibly connected to y’all. It feels personal and real.

If we let fear dictate our choices, we’ll miss out on the fulfillment and happiness that comes from real vulnerability. So go out for that position at work, say hello to that new mom you want to befriend, launch the product you’ve been dreaming up- just do it!

If we were having this conversation together at a coffee shop, I’d suggest another round so we could keep chatting for hours. This topic, and anything regarding how to live my best life, really lights me up. I believe we all have the right to feel connected, loved, successful, and fulfilled. I’m all about bettering myself and my daily practices so I don’t get in my own way of fulfilling those goals.

Let’s chat:

Do you consider yourself to be a happy person? Why or why not?

What either gets in your way of, or what helps you to have, a positive attitude?

About Brittany Dixon

Brittany Dixon is a former health coach turned stay at home mom of two girls. Her goal is to share her passion for healthy eating and natural living alongside the daily challenges and triumphs of motherhood. She is excited to step into the world of homeschooling and continue to share her life through recipes, anecdotes and future travels with her family.

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Comments

You nailed it my psych. daughter! Self talk, not being a victim, changing the channel, not letting fear take over, etc… facilitate the being happy/optimistic person you are, and all of us can be! Whew. Thanks for the lesson/reminder. I am a positive/optimistic person most of the time, especially when I finish my morning coffee! 🙂JOHN J STATHAS recently posted..What Does Your Calendar Say About You?

This is awesome! I am generally a very happy person, but the one thing I’m working on that sometimes gets in the way is not being a “scorekeeper” – not keeping a mental list of who’s done what etc. I know this is a terrible habit, but sometimes it’s hard for me to stop!montessoriishmom recently posted..To you on your (very first) birthday

I never thought of myself as a naturally happy person. As a child I was but my teenage years and early adulthood I was down right depressed. After being put on an anti depressant I though “ok happiness here I come!” But it doesn’t work like that lol I did a lot of the things you describe above. Recently though I’ve been making an effort to realize that I am not a victim of some bad things that happen in life. They just happened. And how I react to them makes everything change. Life is pretty good now. I have a healthy daughter, I am healthy and just had surgery yesterday ( minor) and I am home and just a little sore. My boyfriend and I just got our mortgage approval for our first home together. Sure my daughter is a wild one and is well aware Mommy is not 100% and she was testing that big time last night. But I remembered she had a tough 24 hours as well. Her Mommy wasn’t home to put her to bed like I always do and although my parents and sister take amazing care of her, sometimes you just need your Mom. It’s funnyhow at almost 35 when the nurse asked if I needed anything after they woke me up I just said “ I want my mom” lol ( and I am blessed hat she was waiting for me in recovery along with my boyfriend). Sure I wish it came more naturally to me but accepting it doesn’t and doing things to change it makes me feel great!

What a beautiful testament to the power of changing your thinking and approach to life’s events. Thank you so much for sharing your story! Congratulations on your mortgage approval and good luck with the home buying process! What an exciting time for you <3 And whenever I get sick or sad, I always want my mom too 🙂

I am a naturally happy person. However we all have those days when it seems harder than other days:) I always try to practice gratitude in those moments. Its so easy to remember the one or two things that are going wrong and forget the 95 that are going right. A quick mental gratitude list gets me back on track

I do consider myself a naturally happy/optimistic person but then have had times in my life when I suffer from some situational depression/sadness (due to circumstance and genes I think). I just had my second miscarriage (at 12.5 weeks so later than my first which was at 6.5) and did wallow in the self-pity -“why me?”-comparing- “it’s not fair phase -for a week but that just made it worst. What helps me is being hopeful for the future and putting things in perspective plus (something you definitely pinpoint on this blog) GRATITUDE! We have a healthy, smart, silly 2.5 year old, great marriage, our faith, family and friends and these make us so grateful. It’s all about shifting perspective. Oh, and I’m not ashamed to admit it and hope it becomes less taboo- a good therapist helps me stay positive and sane too 🙂

Ugh Amy, my heart ached when I just read about your second miscarriage. That’s not fair and I’m so sorry. I do admire your outlook though, even more so as you have it while processing a challenging time. <3 Oh! And I agree, no taboo over a good therapist! I claim to have been in therapy my whole life because my dad is an incredible therapist and has always been there to help coach and guide me. I feel really lucky about that!

Love this! I hundred percent agree and really relate to number one. I feel that we have a choice in life for most things and your outlook, attitude, and reaction are some of the key players. I struggle with feeling overwhelmed, so I love your point about one thing not dictating the rest your day. So true!

Great post!!! I especially love your thoughts on giving yourself grace. I LOVE your quote: “I give myself permission to change directions and treat myself as I would a good friend.” You’ve now put me in such a great place to have a great day! Thank you!!!!

This post is so timely for me! I want to better react to things and shift gears easier. Especially to teach my kids. I tend to get caught up in bedtimes or dinner needs a veg….and it spirals. I was just saying I need to recognize it coming so I can deal….I’m going to treat myself like a friend next time. Awesome post!!!

I needed this today! Especially the one about not letting a morning mood ruin your entire day. I am an awful morning person, and I need to be more aware of just a stinky morning mood and not let it dictate the rest of my day. I am 34 weeks pregnant and after a night of little sleep from a stiff neck, acid reflux, Charlie horses, and nausea, I was feeling kind of down heading into work. Then I read this and it reminded me to be grateful for all of these things I’m feeling right now. I am blessed to be carrying this baby, and as I start to feel better today, I don’t need to dwell on how I was feeling this morning. Thank you! I’m sure you don’t hear this enough, but what you do does make a difference. I’m a firm believer that we should tell people the good things and not just the bad…you’re doing good, girlfriend, and I appreciate your blog.

Thanks so much for your comment, Megan!! Congratulations on your sweet baby on the way! Lots of joy ahead for you, but man, the end of pregnancy is no joke so #treatyoself when you get this chance 😉 I appreciate your encouragement!

Really, really great tips. I’m usually a pretty positive person, but like everyone – I have my not-so-great moments or days. I’m an empath by nature, so I have to constantly remind myself not to get caught up how others are feeling and not to let my own mood be dictated by those around me. Lots of deep breaths, music that puts me in a good mood, gratitude, positive affirmations, and like you said – allowing myself a moment or two of self-pity if I need it, but then not letting it turn into longer than that.

Oh my gosh Heather, this is me too!! I sometimes unintentionally absorb others’ feelings (is that called over-identifying?) and so I try to be really cautious of that because it can sneak up on me and totally mess with my day.

I really liked this post! As a first time mom with a 6 week old baby girl, I’ve definitely had a few challenging days – especially now that my husband has gone back to work. I may re-read this post on one of those days! I’ve also gone back and re-read some of your baby posts lately, including the one on sleep training. 🙂

What an incredible post. I am definitely saving it! This was just the reassurance I needed. I am a stay at home mom to a a five and two year old. Just this morning I applied for a position to return to work part time. I have no idea if I’ll get it, but I feel reassured that I’m doing to right thing reaching out for a new way to help others and find personal fulfillment while still maintaining a close connection with my children. Thank you for your inspiration and vulnerability.

I really enjoyed this post! I am pretty positive in general, but the past couple years have been making a strategic effort to create habits that foster happiness. Your outlook and tips are appreciated! Thank you!

YES! I used to struggle so bad with depression for years and years. It was so tough. I finally pretended to be happy for so long that it happened, and now I definitely feel happy/positive. I am with you on not letting my mood for the moment dictate my day. Especially in marriage, I get irritated with my husband or disappointed, but we’ve learned to just suck it up and move on and let go. It has made such a difference. I also think I find some calm in knowing that everything is a phase and how life is won’t always be forever (even though I like my life where it is), and everything happens for a reason. I’m not religious so not in that sense, but everything that does or doesn’t happen leads us somewhere else and shapes our lives. It’s really a general sense of knowing that my life is exactly where it needs to be for right now.

Beautiful post! I think one of the things that strikes me about your posts is that you seem to have it so together! Yesterday evening my husband was late at work (which he almost never is) so I was alone with a baby and a toddler both expecting their dinners at 5:30. I had to remind myself to not get stuck in the moment. Everyone would get fed eventually and if someone cried a little it wouldn’t be a big deal. Even though my evening was busier than normal, I had to remind myself that it was still a good day. I often will begin to feel overwhelmed, and my trick for that is always to remind myself that it is just a moment and not to get stuck in the moment but to move past it because that’s all it is, just a moment. But, let me tell you, if I had to do dinner alone every night I would also make myself much better prepared!!Erica recently posted..Baby at Six Months

I love this! I’m generally a really happy person and I do think it comes from making a habit of choosing to be happy rather than just hoping happiness comes along on its own. I tend to do a lot of the things you just listed, especially #1, but you’re right in that we all have days or times when things just suck haha. I had one of “those” mornings today and ended up being 15 minutes late to work. I didn’t want to dwell on it though, so I poured a cup of coffee, watched a puppy video, and ate a donut. Turned my day around in no time!

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Hi, I’m Brittany! I'm a former health coach turned homeschooling, work-at-home mom to two energetic girls. A Healthy Slice of Life is a place where I share how we live our best lives through the lens of food, family, and travel while hopefully inspiring you to do the same. I'm so glad you're here!

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