Seen here in the picture below, Craptree held the news conference outside the NMFS offices, with fellow fisheries bureaucrats standing with him and their Pew Environment Group and EDF Environmental Defense Fund overlords standing behind them to make sure they stuck to the script.

'Dr' Craptree proclaimed, 'After a painstaking five minute review of the paid-for science graciously provided by our comrades at Pew and EDF, your hardworking NMFS bureaucrats met at the local Hooters for a lengthy roundtable discussion.

It has been determined that there will be a season, one hour in length. It began yesterday at noon and ended at 1pm. Sadly, the best science available from Pew tells us the recreational fishers went over their allotment by 300 million pounds.

Accordingly, NMFS will spend its entire FY2014 budget building a time machine so we can go back in time and retroactively penalize these greedy recreational fishers and help conserve our endangered red snapper for future generations.

'With the increasing awareness of recreational fishers that NMFS's red snapper science numbers are based on lies & fraud, we feel that it's time to weaponize our Predator Drone armada. Phase 1 is to install hardpoints on each NOAA Predator Drone so that it can carry up to four Maverick air-to-surface missiles.'

Asked what the next step would be, Director Craptree responded, 'Phase 2 will be installation of a 20mm Gatling mini-gun system. I'm sorry but further details are classified at this time. No further questions!' /end transmission

St Petersburg (NY Times) - Director Roy Craptree made a formal announcement today from the NMFS Southern Regional Command Bunker. He said after three long years of investigation, NMFS will no longer hire anyone from Louisiana named Boudreaux.

On background, an NMFS insider told this journalist that during the 2010 Deepwater Horizon oilspill, NMFS was taking a hammering from the public for NMFS's initial lack of response and then NMFS's knee-jerk over-response with NMFS's usual heavy-handed neo-fascist unneeded closures & regulations.

So Dir Craptree decided it would be a good public relations move to hire Louisianans with the last name of Boudreaux. At the time he said, 'They're thicker than fleas on a coonhound over there.'

But the first hint of trouble began when Pierre Boudreaux was hired to work as a NMFS Special Agent at the NMFS Bird Cleanup Facility on Grand Isle. It is alleged that when he reported for assignment at the facility, the NMFS Special Agent asked the frazzled supervisor , 'What it is you want me to do?' He was instructed to go out back and clean the Pelicans. It's said that some hours later, Special Agent Boudreaux came back and asked the supervisor, 'Okay, I done cleaned 'em. You wants me to boil some rice to go wid it?' A paid volunteer from the Audubon Society fainted dead away and is in a coma to this day.

But what caused an international uproar and investigation was the subsequent publishing of a picture of another Craptree-hired NMFS Special Agent, Gaston Boudreaux, using a heavy stick to bash in the skull of an endangered Bald Eagle. (see picture below - NOT Photoshopped)

Special Agent Boudreaux was questioned as to his motive and he responded, 'I heard dat Mr Craptree was comin' to inspeck da woik we was doin' so I reckoned I kill & cook him a fresh meal he might enjoy. I heard dat bein' from Florida, he love hisself some barbecued manatee ribs but weren't none around dat I could find.'

Dir Craptree said that he was ending the investigation. 'This investigation is closed. No further questions!' /end transmission

Has Craptree ever seen a redsnapper ,other then in a book, are has he been offshore when 50 endangered redsnappers follow the one on the hook to the surface wanting the bait, It's not our fault we have the perfect habitat for them and they don't in Florida, give us our fish .

Petersburg (PEW NEWS) - Our meatpuppet Roy Craptree, Director of the NMFS Southern Regional Command, has reported today that ongoing purchases of hollowpoint ammunition have been successful and have met with prescribed Environmental Industry norms. (see above links - 24,000 and, depending on the Mainstream Media news outlet, as many as 46,000 rounds have been delivered to the NMFS bunker in St Petersburg Fla - its not a bad neighborhood, trust me) NMFS Direktor Craptree has announced that training for hostile boardings of recreational fisher boats has been a key element of NMFS Enforcement Officer training in recent months. (see declassifed pictures below) Direktor Craptree was quoted as saying, 'Before she left, Jane Lubechinko itself ordered me to enforce NMFS regulations against rec fishers to the fullest extent possible and make up BS regs as I went along. 'CRUSH their insignificant rebellion!' Hail Glorious Leader Lubechenko! No further questions!' /end transmission

St Petersburg Fla (EDF News) - NMFS Southern Regional Command direktor Roy Craptree has announced that he has begun a harsh new regimen of NMFS enforcement against recreational fishers in the Gulf Of Mexico.\r\n\r\n\'No longer will we stand by idly while rec fishers rape the seas of endangered Red Snapper! Louisiana\'s Bobby Jindal can laugh at us all he wants but we\'ll have the last laugh here. I\'m from the Gummint and I\'m here to help!\r\n\r\nFor decades Red Snapper have been yoinked from federal waters, only to be devoured by heartless fishers. Well I say \'No More!\' Our NMFS Enforcement agents are everywhere, our NOAA Predator drones are in the skies, ready to pounce with cat-like reflexes upon miscreant rec fishers.\' (see pics below)\r\n\r\nDirektor Craptree had to leave suddenly, claiming a tee-time at the nearby golf course with Pew Envirtonment Group\'s Joshua Reichert. \'No further questions!\' / end transmission

/off fascist mode - how many here hate that leftist politically-correct word 'fishers' that the professional far-left Enviro Industry has labeled us with? Trust me, any time you hear or read the word 'fisher' or 'fishers', you know you are talking to the enemy or someone who's been brainwashed by the Enviro Industry.

St Petersburg (Pew News) - NMFS Southern Regional Direktor Roy 'Pretend Dr' Craptree proclaimed from the NMFS Command Bunker & Gummint Employee Daycare Center that he is changing the name of the National Marine Fisheries Service to the NMFS No More Fishing Service.

'Let the word go forth that henceforth we are the No More Fishing Service. Be warned, recreational fishers. Failure to refer to my minions as the No More Fishing Service is a Class II felony, punishable by up to $100,000 in fines, up to a year at hard labor and keel-hauling. However a shortened sentence will be given for denouncing your fellow rec fishers at your public show trial.'

In further news, Craptree also announced that he has reached a strategic partnership with the NSA Natl Security Agency. 'In partnership with NSA's electronic eavesdropping on rec fishers' cell phones calls & emails, and our mighty NMFS armada of Predator drones, P3-Orion ELINT aircraft and G-V Gulfstream executive surveillance jets, I shall CRUSH the rec fishers' insignificant rebellion once and for all.

Instead of boarding rec fisher craft at sea, now all we have to do is receive intelligence and lie in wait at the nearest pass for the miscreant rec fisher craft. There we shall pounce upon them with our armed & fully operational NOAA enforcement vessels. No further questions!' /end transmission

CCA World Galactic Headquarters (CNN Environment News) - CCA's president announced today that as per usual, they are taking credit for their annual federal red snapper legislation aimed at increasing membership without accomplishing anything concrete for recreational fishermen. 'It's a two-fer!'

In the interest of pretending to be fair & objective, this reporter from the CNN Climate Change News Division asked the 100 Fathom Fishing Club for a rebuttal.

'Today's CCA/CCC press release is awesome (snicker) - regrettably, the legislation that CCA/CCC wrote doesn't do as promised. This is a confusing and ridiculous piece of legislation that will not fix the red snapper problem, and 100FFC will not endorse it.

Keep in mind, every September/October, CCA/CCC produces a new piece of legislation promised as being a 'cure-all' for the recreational fishing community...each one is different from the prior year, and each time a press release sounds equally awesome.

I'm sure a lot of fishing industry representatives will be happy to hear the CCA/CCC promotion of this new 'fisheries cure-all' when they convene for their annual Fall summit on October 16th at the Sanibel Harbour Marriot Resort & Spa (2-fer-1 Margaritas on Friday @ Bamboo Bubba's!).

In this press release, the CCA Cant Catch Anything mentions themselves as well as their sell-out cohorts at the NMMA Natl Marine Mfgrs Association, the IGFA Intl Grenade Fishing Association, the ASA American Sportfishing Association. I'm surprised that the catch & release elitists at TBF The Billfish Association didn't piggy-pile onto this pile of.... Meanwhile, the bill will do nothing but create more congressional confusion.

That's why 100FFC is an RFA-affiliated fishing club. The RFA Recreational Fishing Alliance (http://www.joinRFA.org) is the ONLY recreational fishing group that actually represents the God-given rights of recreational fishermen. The 2006 Reauthorized Magnuson Act is an anti-fishing nightmare concocted by the Enviro Industry and winked at by CCA, IGFA, ASA, TBF and NMMA.'

St Petersburg (Washington Post) - The anti-fishing Enviro Industry received welcome news today in an announcement by NMFS SE Regional Direktor Roy Craptree, in a press conference held at the NMFS Southern Regional Command Bunker here in St Petersburg Florida. 'NMFS and BOEMRE are working together in an unprecedented new partnership.'

In a side note, heavily armed NMFS officers verified press credentials of attending news media prior to allowing the journalists' admittance. Per NMFS Ministry of Propaganda officer Josef Goebbels, 'This new media admittance procedure is in keeping with a recent ruling by Senator Diane Feinstein (Democrat-CA). Only accredited tv, newspaper and radio news employees are real journalists. Hangers-on such as Matt Drudge, Breitbart.com, Michelle Malkin are no longer welcome and are subject to arrest & censorship.' When it was pointed out by Fox News that her ruling isn't law and it's an unconstitutional violation of the 1st Amendment, officer Goebbels said, 'Eject that Fox employee! No more questions!'

Once inside the Kommand Bunker, Direktor Craptree welcomed the media. 'I am excited to announce today real progress in our ongoing Gulf War against recreational fishers. I have masterminded a partnership with BOEMRE (pronounced 'bummer'), the Federal Gummint agency that oversees the Obama Regime's 'Idle Iron Policy'. In this partnership, BOEMRE will enforce and accelerate the removal of currently non-producing oil & gas wells offshore in the Gulf of Mexico. This permanent removal of offshore rigs is being sped up before ever-evolving fracking technology will make these wells productive again. This is in support of the Obama Regime's War On Hydrocarbons - oil, gas and coal. This War is intended to distort the free market and make Green Technology artificially competitive. Solar panels made by Solyndra, wind power that kills endangered birds - it's all good because it's Green.'

Craptree went on to say, 'But what makes this so delicious is that I got BOEMRE to add an Idle Iron regulation requires energy companies to remove oil & gas rigs to TWELVE FEET below the mudline. This will guarantee that no artificial structure remains that Red Snapper, other fishes and endangered soft & hard corals can hang onto. And the rig removal companies are required to use high-explosives when removing rigs in the hopes that hundreds of thousands of non-existent Red Snapper will be killed. After all, NMFS doesnt count these oilrig fish in our stock assessments so therefore they dont exist and blowing them up will ensure that.

So BOEMRE helps the Obama Regime's War On Hydrocarbons and NMFS helps the Obama Regime's War On Fishers - it's a two-fer, baby! No more questions!' / end transmission

St Petersburg (Pew News - internal staff memo) - NMFS No More Fishing Service SE Regional Direktor Roy Royovich Craptree held a press conference at the heavily-guarded & fortified Southern Regional Kommand Bunker here in St Petersburg. To make sure his message was not diluted or taken out of context, Craptree permitted only loyal accredited news media from MSNBC, PBS, NPR, CNN, Comedy Central and Pew News to be escorted in.

'Today, the tyranny of the recreational fisher is being rolled back. No longer will recreational fishers be allowed to covertly fish the Gulf Of Mexico without being monitored every step of the way with our mighty NMFS Predator Drone armada.

Any rec fishers suspected of being non-compliant with our reasonable & generous regulations will be hunted down like rabid dogs!

They will be met at the Passes with our peaceful, heavily-armed NMFS Enforcers. If they attempt to avoid our armed boarding parties lying in wait, they will be met with swift retaliation!

There's nothing like a JDAM Joint Direct Attack Munition to get their attention. Our friends in the US Air Force at MacDill AFB Tampa will whistle up a B-1B bomber from the 773rd Tactical Squadron.

St Petersburg (Huffington Post) - NMFS SE Regional Direktor announced today that he is immediately imposing Catch Shares on the entire Gulf Of Mexico, for the Red Snapper fishery.

Speaking from deep within the bowels of the SE Regional Kommand Bunker, Craptree said, 'Let the word go forth, from this day forward, that the insignificant rebellion of the Recreational Fishers has been CRUSHED! Effective immediately, I am enacting President-For-Life Obama's Executive Order CFR-1142, the Red Snapper Catch Shares Initiative.'

'The Red Snapper allocations among the three user groups will be as follows: Commercial Fishers 53%, the professional Environmental Industry 99% and the Recreational Fishers 0.1%. These user groups are allowed to bid on Red Snapper Catch Shares and may sell or trade them as they see fit. The bidding process began yesterday and ended two days ago.'

'The following groups were the top bidders: the Pew Foundation (owned by SUNOCO Oil's Pew Family of Radnor Pennsylvania), the Walton Family Foundation (owned by the WAL-MART Corporation's Walton Family of Inbred Arkansas) and the David Packard Foundation (owned by the HP HEWLETT-PACKARD Corp's Packard Family of Xao-chou Province Communist China).'

'They have informed me that Red Snapper Catch Share permits are for sale at all SUNOCO gas stations, WAL-MART stores and HP HEWLETT-PACKARD computer stores. Permits are also available online at www.SkrewYou.com. Prices are reasonable at only $995.95 per permit (1 fish per permit). Such a deal! No more questions!'

Direktor Craptree's media flunky also handed out media kits for the assembled slack-jawed journolists. It announced that a campaign of hostile boardings against rec fisher boats was being commenced immediately. (see pics)/ end transmission

NOAA Fisheries Announces the Revised 2014 Red Snapper Recreational Season in the Gulf of Mexico

The 2014 Gulf of Mexico red snapper recreational season in federal waters is 9 days, opening at 12:01 a.m., June 1, 2014, and closing at 12:01 a.m., on June 10, 2014. The red snapper bag limit is 2 fish with a 16-inch minimum total length size limit.

NMFS SE Regional Direktor Roy Craptree has revised the Gulf Red Snapper season down from a generous 11 day season to a shortened 9 day season as revenge against several Gulf State Governors thumbing their noses at the federal Gummint.

Craptree was quoted as saying, 'Resistance is futile! This news conference is over! Clear the room! Raus! Raus! Mach schnell!'

100FFC HQ...I do not know if I want to laugh or cry. Your satires are extremely funny, but unfortunely are very real and accurate.

Just to give you a little personal insight. I was at numerous meetings in Florida and Washington. Many times, on record, the opinion of CCA was requested, and not once did it even appear for a hearing. Yet, at every hearing (13) there was present numerous commercial fishery groups with 'expert' reports demanding something be done to the 'depleted' red snapper industry.

Until we (recreational fishermen) get a respected voice, we have no standing. Recently, a federal judge in Washingtion D.C. called CCA's stance on red snapper 'suspect', 'confusing' and 'contradictive'. That was after it failed to show again for an compromise meeting with federal officals and the commercial fishing industry.

Yo Motorboat - I didn't know that you worked for CCA World Galactic Headquarters. Nice work if you can get it.

The reality is that CCA Coastal Conservation Association, IGFA Intl Grenade Fishing Assoc., ASA American Sportfishing Association (lobbying arm for tackle mfgrs), NMMA Natl Marine Mfgrs Assoc and TBF The Billfish Foundation are only symptoms of the anti-recreational fishing disease infesting our country since the early 1990's.

The real cause of the anti-fishing disease is the billions-funded professional anti-fishing Environmental Industry headed up by Pew and other NGO's like EDF Environmental Defense Fund, The Ocean Conservancy, Greenpeace, Audubon Society, Sierra Club and on and on. They actually consider themselves to be a 'user-group' along with us recreational fishermen and commercial fishermen. Yeah, right.

The reason CCA and the others I mentioned have become anti-fisherman is perhaps the fact that they are receiving millions from the Environmental Industry's front group called TRCP Teddy Roosevelt Conservation Partnership. TRCP acts as a figleaf or camouflage that the rec fishing groups like CCA can hide behind. 'Oh no, we don't accept money from Pew, etc!' No, they accept it through the Teddy Roosevelt Conservation Partnership, which is funded by the Environmental Industry.

Am I going slow enough for ya to keep up, Motorboat? Surely even you can connect the dots by now.

The only nationwide rec fishing rights group that has ALWAYS defended our right to fish is the RFA Recreational Fishing Alliance (www.JoinRFA.org) - their charter's #1 requirement is to look out for the rights of rec fisherman. That's why I've been a member since RFA's founding and 100 Fathom Fishing Club has been an affiliated club since it's founding in 2006.

I'll grant you, it was a nice attempt to derail this satire thread. We're sorry you lost but we have a lovely parting gift for you!

March 17, 2015 - The five states bordering the Gulf of Mexico-Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana and Texas-have pulled together in an effort to wrestle management authority of the red snapper fishery from the Gulf of Mexico Fisheries Management Council (GMFMC). In a jointly signed letter submitted to federal authorities on March 13, the states outlined a proposal to shift management of Gulf of Mexico Red Snapper away from the federal government. This unprecedented effort includes a new framework for cooperative state-based management of this incredibly important fishery and would create the Gulf States Red Snapper Management Authority.

'The Gulf States are making it crystal clear that they have no confidence in the GMFMC's ability to manage red snapper in a fair and equitable manner,' said Jim Donofrio, RFA's executive director. 'Our Gulf chapters have been working diligently to bring about change within the Council system only to have their efforts thwarted by an organization that is under the control of an entrenched group of individuals associated with environmental groups like the Environmental Defense Fund.'

The dissatisfaction with the performance of the GMFMC by state management authorities and their stakeholders has been brewing for a long time and the problem is only exacerbated by the fact that the fishery has been rebuilt to well beyond the most optimistic historic levels while the recreational red snapper seasons set by the GMFMC have been cut to levels counted in days with no justification.

'I think the straw that broke the back of any credibility within the GMFMC was the recent vote for sector separation,' Donofrio said. 'There was overwhelming opposition for this unprecedented move, but the Council went ahead with it anyway.'

According to Robert Barham at the Louisiana Department of Wildlife and Fisheries, the states are far more capable of handling the collection of more precise landings data than the GMFMC, which relies upon the flawed Marine Recreational Information Program (MRIP). Along with the other Gulf States, Louisiana is confident we can provide precise landings estimates and more frequent stock assessments-the data needed to better manage this fishery and allow our fishermen to take full advantage of the available resource. The states are also more receptive and can be more responsive to the wants and needs of constituent's-we can set flexible, tailored management measures that address local needs as well as Gulf-wide conservation goals.

'A change has been a long time coming-we want to thank the state directors for pulling together to create a viable solution for fixing red snapper management,' Barham said.

On the dock, anglers and the industry were pleased with the proposed action.

'Gulf of Mexico red snapper at the federal level has proven to be an absolute failure for the recreational fishing community from a management standpoint,' explained Jamie Wilkinson, Vice President and Group Publisher at F+W Media and member of the RFA Board of Directors. 'The Gulf states should be commended for putting forward a proposal that aims to provide recreational fishermen an increased opportunity to benefit from the rebuilding success of red snapper.'

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About Recreational Fishing Alliance
The Recreational Fishing Alliance is a national, grassroots political action organization representing recreational fishermen and the recreational fishing industry on marine fisheries issues. The RFA Mission is to safeguard the rights of saltwater anglers, protect marine, boat and tackle industry jobs, and ensure the long-term sustainability of our Nation's saltwater fisheries. For more information, call 888-JOIN-RFA or visit www.joinrfa.org.

Environment-loving NMFS bureaucrats were held hostage by radical extremist Gulf fishers until the NMFS agreed to expand the Red Snapper season for charter boats and grudgingly allow the five Gulf states' fish & game departments to manage their own Red Snapper fisheries.

But the NMFS struck a victory for their Environmental Industry overlords at Pew & EDF by deliberately under-estimating the vast prolific fish populations of Gulf Red Snapper and using that false number for setting limits on TAC Total Allowable Catch. After his captors freed him, NMFS Southeast Regional Dictator Roy Craptree tore off his gag and said 'My Struggle with these fishers will never end. NMFS Uber Alles!' /end transmission

Private Anglers: The five Gulf states will set seasons through exempted fishing permits.

Federally Permitted For-Hire Vessels: June 1, 2018, 12:01 a.m., local time, until July 22, 2018, at 12:01 a.m., local time.