The Holidays Remind Us That it is We Who Decide to Live with Gratitude or Misery

Research has documented that people who have horrific catastrophes, terminal illness, or the loss of a family member don’t suffer from misery any more than people who have never suffered such difficulties. In fact, research supports that it isn’t what happens that creates our misery, but rather how we interpret what happens to us. It’s the messages we tell ourselves that dictate our actions and either heighten our misery or our gratitude.

There are thousands of messages people tell themselves that reinforce their being miserable people. Below are a few of them that, when practiced a few times each day, are sure to make you isolated and miserable within a few weeks time.

1. Pick fights with others. This is especially effective if you take everything personally and react to others by being hurt or offended.

2. Be afraid to try new things, and don’t take chances or do anything spontaneous.

3. See the worst in people, and don’t trust anyone.

4. Don’t do anything for anyone unless there is personal gain for you.

5. Never be grateful or express gratitude because research shows that the act of expressing gratitude can make you feel happy.

6. Blame your parents. No matter how old you are, you can always blame them for the pathetic life you created.

7. Ruminate. No matter what happens, make it bigger by adding more history from the past and analyzing every single thing someone told you. This one can make you anxious and miserable.

8. Live in the past and always make it better than the present.

9. Always focus on what your partner needs to improve. It will add to your misery if they have a serious addiction to rehab from.

10. Be critical of others. No matter what they do that others may see as wonderful, remind them of when they failed.

Most of us understand the concept of self-talk, and how what we say matters to how we feel about ourselves, and our lives. However, when miserable people become miserable they begin believing that their self-talk is the truth, and anyone trying to help them who see the positive side of their life is out of touch with reality.

Finding happiness is a hot topic for many authors as well as talk show hosts, but the key to happiness is simple. Happiness is the end result of being able to think and do for others. Happiness doesn’t mean you are in denial of your problems. It means you accept your problems, and shift your thinking from worrying about you to doing for someone else.We all have problems, and we all experience unwanted suffering. It is not the absence of problems that makes us happy. It’s our ability to use our pain to help soothe someone else’s that brings us gratitude and happiness in our own life. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving! –Mary Jo Rapini