After dinner and a movie, Chris drove his date to a quiet country road and made his move. When Michelle responded enthusiastically to his kissing, he tried sliding his hand up her blouse. Suddenly, she jerked away, got out of the car is a hurry, and ran home. Later that night, she wrote in her diary, "A girl's best friends are her own two legs."

On their next date, Chris returned to the country road. As they were kissing passionately, Chris slid his hand up Michelle's skirt. Once again, she pulled away, got out of the car, and hurried home. Later that night, she wrote in her diary, "I repeat, a girl's best friends are her own two legs."

On the third date, the pair returned to the country road. This time, Michelle didn't get home until very late. That night, she wrote in her diary, "There comes a time when even the best of friends must part."

Snake Venom

One day a happy couple Jay and Marie were walking down the forest when suddenly a giant snake jumped on Jay's leg and bit his dick.
Since no one was around for miles Marie called a hospital and told the doctor "Quick Quick I need your help my boyfriend got bit by a snake on his penis"
The doctor told her "Maam your gonna have to suck the venom out yourself"
Marie asked "Please doctor there has to be another way to get rid of the venom"
The doctor says "Sorry theres nothing we can do"
So Marie goes running to her boyfriend
When she gets there Jay says with pain "So what did the doctor say?"
Marie says "Doctor said your gonna die"

My Last 3 Boyfriends
Two female co-workers are chatting it up, and they are discussing the boyfriends they've had in the last year.
One girl says "The last 3 boyfriends I've had, I've named after soda pops.

The first one I called 7 Up, because he had 7 inches and he knew how to keep it up.

The second one I called mountain dew, because when it came to mounting he knew what to do.

The third I called Jack Daniels.

Then the other girl interrupts saying "Hold on a minute. Isn't Jack Daniels hard liquor?"

The girl smiles and says "Yes it is"

Rich & Poor

A rich man and a poor man are both buying anniversary gifts for their girlfriends.
"What are you getting your girlfriend?" asks the poor man.
And the rich man says "I'm getting her a diamond ring and a Marcedes."
"Why both?" asks the poor man.
And the rich man says "That way if she doesn't like the ring she can still enjoy the Marcedes when she returns the ring."
And then the rich man asks the poor man "What are you getting your girlfriend?"
And the poor man says "I'm buying her a pair of slippers and a dildo. That way if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself."

Flowers

A man comes home with a bokay of flowers for his girlfriend and she says "I guess I'll have to spread my legs now."
And her boyfriend asks "Why, don't you have a vase?"

Little Charles
Little Charles approached his mother and asked her "Mummy, whats a girlfriend"
To which his mum replied "If you're a good boy, you will get one."
Charles then asked, "What if I am a bad boy?"
His mum answered "You will get many."