Positivity in Parenting and Letting Sh*t Go!

In a world with so much negativity, it is often hard to be positive. Especially for children, they are constantly being told “no” and “don’t” all the time. I’m guilty of this with my own children and even with my dog, Reese. I am constantly saying, “stop that,” “get off of him,” “don’t do that,” “get that out of your mouth.” Yes, that last one is said to both my two legged and four legged children. Even at my kids’ ages (9,7, and 4), they still put the most random stuff in their mouth from time to time. Why on earth would a 7 year old put a coin in his mouth? (Yes, this happened fairly recently while in a babysitter’s care). I’m also clueless to why my 4 year old sometimes tastes a toy before she plays with it.

Reese putting something in his mouth that he is allowed to, instead of shoes, toys, turtles, stairs, etc. Yes, we typically have a mountain of laundry on our bedroom floor.

One of the things that I try to do, is to “catch them being good.” I attempt to do this with my kids at home, as well as my students at the schools where I work. Basically, when you see your child doing some type of behavior that is appropriate or on the right track, I compliment them on it. It’s important to keep it positive though. Saying “thank you for not killing each other” when my sons are fighting does not cut it. Rather, say something like, “thank you for listening when I told you to get your hands off your brother’s neck” or “I like how you calmed down after your hour long tantrum.” In many cases for children (& some adults), negative attention is better than no attention. If you can give your child enough positive attention, they may be less likely to seek attention by engaging in inappropriate behavior. The little things add up!

Mike remaining positive while our daughter has a tantrum that fortunately did not last an hour.

Another concept that is often hard for parents to grasp (myself included), is not to hold grudges against your child. Follow the wise words of Queen Elsa and, “let that shit go!” She said that, right? Or something like that… My husband remembers being annoyed when one of my nameless children as a toddler decided to paint the walls with his own poop. (I was out when this happened). Mike let him know that next time, he should use crayons & paper when creating artwork. He then cleaned up the masterpiece, and literally “let that shit go.” A toddler or young child isn’t going to understand hours or days later why you continue to be upset.

Here is what may be helpful to try when your kid behaves inappropriately:

1. After you let your kid know that they did something inappropriate, provide a consequence that fits the crime. (Time out, losing a privilege, added chore, etc)

2. Process or reflect upon the situation with them. Ask what they did, what they should have done, and their feelings about the behavior. An apology at this point helps too!

3. Let that shit go & go forward with your day!

This young artist went on to create many more masterpieces, such as this one.

Most kids will be more than willing to move on, so you should follow suit! Harping on the negatives will most likely exacerbate the situation and lead to more inappropriate behaviors. A very wise man said, “children choose happiness over being right.”

In the words of Queen Elsa of Arendelle, “Let shit go!” My boys also look ready to go.

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Published by delusionsofparenthood

Lauren is a licensed doctoral level psychologist, who is trying her best to figure out this thing called parenthood and life in general. She enjoys hanging upside down whenever she can, running and sometimes running from her children.
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32 thoughts on “Positivity in Parenting and Letting Sh*t Go!”

“Children choose happiness over being right.” Great post, as parents we should definitely practice saying yes more often. Have a calm heart, patience and know things pass and children grow older. The things we see as being a big deal, is really not big at all, if only we’d “let it go.”

Letting it go is a MUST in parenting. I can’t even count the amount of things I’ve had to ‘let go’ for the sake of my sanity. I mean, even things that I used to swear my kids would not get away with before I had them. Little did I know…

Gosh, this post is so poignant. In a world full of negatives, we must look toward the positive so we don’t fall in to a pit of darkness. I love the idea of catching them doing good and acknowledging it. Positive reinforcement and consistency is the key that works well for our family. Xo, Evelyn, PathofPresence

When reading this, I think I realised that I do seem to say, ‘No,’ quite often and although I do praise my children, I realised that I should be doing it more over other things. This is lovely advice. Thank you for sharing! 🙂

I am not a mom right now, but i would agree this is very important to give positive reinforcement and not just when they are bad. I love the don’t hold grudges part. As an adult i use this in everyday life, i hope to use it with my kids as wel!

Letting go can be so hard sometimes. Especially if you’re a SAHM and an event (like taking a sharpie to the walls) happens at 8am… then you’ve got the whole day ahead of you with sharpie on the walls as a reminder. But we have to let go. The 3 year old forgot about it the moment he put the marker down. Thanks for the reminder and for starting my day off in a good frame of mind.

Insightful post! I don’t have my own little ones and I am around many little ones and I feel like I need to share this post with their parents. It’s interesting to observe different parenting styles, but (totally speaking as an outsider) letting shit go keeps everyone calm and reminds us to really enjoy the present and relish in all the moments. Who cares if your kid is having a tantrum or if their socks don’t match just enjoy!

Way to keep it real! I’m also in favor of giving myself a time out when things get crazy. One of my children often says, “mom, why don’t you do the breathing, touching your fingers together, counting thing?!” Oy vey!