What to do when teen is ready to drive?

Thursday

Jun 28, 2007 at 12:01 AMJun 28, 2007 at 10:48 PM

People! The ones you love are also the ones who can drive you ca-razy. Because you are so close to them, it’s hard to remove emotion and act rationally. Rockford Woman turns to three women who can help.

Gail Baruch

People! The ones you love are also the ones who can drive you ca-razy. Because you are so close to them, it’s hard to remove emotion and act rationally. Rockford Woman turns to three women who can help.

Your teen

Wheelin’ and dealin’

Scenario: Your teenager passes driver’s ed and is halfway through his 50 hours of required supervised driving. He’s a careful and courteous driver, but your schedules prevent much practice time. He wants to get his license now — most of his friends’ parents signed off early, he says. What would Rockford Woman do?

Solution: “This mom won’t unless we have 50 hours,” says Sarah Ivey, instructor-in-training at Drive Right School and mother of four sons, ages 18, 16, 14 and 12. “Kids are so persuasive. They think they know, but they don’t.”

Her 16-year-old is a good driver and it is close to his birthday, but she won’t budge.

“I try to carve out a little extra time on the weekends so we have at least three hours of driving time a week. Maybe I go overboard with scruples, but I think it’s important.”

Your in-laws

There’s no escape

Scenario: Your mother-in-law invites you and your husband for a weekend at her Wisconsin cabin. You end up doing most of the cooking and cleaning while your husband and his family enjoy the lake. A month later, you’re invited again. While you don’t want to rock your husband’s boat, neither do you want to spend another weekend like Cinderella.

Solution: “She needs to get into a problem-solving dialogue with him,” says Lu Jenkins, a licensed clinical social worker.

She advises:

— Don’t be afraid to tell him. Otherwise, the resentment will fester. “He’s probably not even aware. He’s not a mind reader.”

— Plan to talk in a way that doesn’t make him defensive. Pick a time when he’s relaxed and receptive. Use words that generate dialogue. And focus on your feelings, not what he did or didn’t do.

“Say something like, ‘I felt like I did all this work and didn’t have much fun.’”

— Make a request with at least one solution. For example, if you return, perhaps you can share chores or plan a relaxing activity.

— Work on the answer together.

To read more about how to develop “we-ness,” go to rockfordwoman.com.

Your friend

When you’re the boss

Scenario: After a recent promotion, you find yourself supervising one of your close friends. At first she congratulates you but later seems to resent your authority. In front of other staffers, she tells you — albeit jokingly — that “all this power is going to your head.” You value her friendship but worry that other workers will share her attitude. What would Rockford Woman do?

Solution: “Tell your friend that your new responsibilities may require some changes in your relationship,” advises Teresa Pesina, general manager of Staffing Services Inc. “Discussing the problem openly can be crucial to preserving the friendship.”

The two of you can set guidelines on how to handle at-work issues. Just acknowledging the difficulties can be a good start.

But if she still won’t give you a break?

“True friends won’t want you to compromise your professional responsibilities. They’ll want you to succeed.”

If she can’t or won’t accept your new role and continues to be disruptive, you have little choice: “Reassign or fire the employee. Find someone else who will make positive contributions to your group.”