Dearly Beloved, A Letter To Those Suffering Depression and Suicidal Thoughts

November 29, 2012

I came across this Tumblr today “Combat Anon Hate” where she lists people expressing suicidal thoughts and encourages people to send messages of support. I was on the brink of tears just after reading a few people she had listed, and I sent a couple messages but I get so emotional because I cant fix them all, I cant wave a magic wand and make it all ok for them, for me.

So I wrote this in the hopes it will help in some way because I can only do the best I know how to do and I may not be able to fix everyone, maybe I can help fix a few and that will have to do.

I wish I could sit with you right now and listen to you tell me everything that is hurting you, I want to hear it all, I want you to let it all out, I want to take it all away for you and then I want you to listen while I explain that you are worthy of being loved, that you worthy of being alive, that your life doesnt have to be like this, that you can fight this.

Ive been fighting depression for many years, I suffered bullying at school, from my great grandfather at 3 years old and years of destructive verbal abuse at the hands of my father. Ive been made to feel like it was my fault I was alive, like I didnt deserve to live, I KNOW how it feels and I know the thoughts that bring us down and keep us down. It is NOT easy when you are depressed to break out of it, but it CAN be broken out of, I promise you. I am a living example.

Please believe that there are people who love you even if they dont know how to help you, find someone who can help, who can listen without judging and without telling you that “everything will be alright”, someone who can give you the time to let it all out, everything, no matter how dark it is. Someone who will let you go to the bottom of it till you are empty and then help you to refill you with the skills to battle this evil shit we call depression. (I dont mean that in the biblical sense by the way).

You can fight it, the only thing that is in your way is your thoughts and those can change, you can change your thinking, you can change your mind, and when you change your mind, you can change your life.

There is help and there are millions of people who love you even if they dont know you. I am one of them. As a human, it is my duty to love others. To do what I can to help others.

I love you. You are loved. You ARE loved. You are beloved. I am so overcome with emotion thinking of the people I have reached out to and who I have tried to help and those I cannot or havent reached. I love you, you are worthy of being loved.

Learn to change your thoughts. You are not what you think, you are not your thoughts. You are whatever you choose to be, you can choose, you can make up your own mind about who you are. You dont have to listen to what others say about you, even if they are family, especially if they are family.

You are not born hating yourself. You learn this. You are lied to by our society about so many things in a way that makes you believe that its true. It is not true. The only thing that is true is what you decide to be true. You decide. You choose. And you can do it. I promise you this.

NATIONAL SELF HARM NETWORK (NSHN)
Provides information, contacts and workshops on matters relating to self harm. Operates a postal and Email network of members who self harm; write or email for details.