So, lets pretend that all the hope has been drained out of me, instead of just most of it

While I would love to think that we could have a civil amicible divorce where we agree on everything...I'm not entirely stupid. I have doormat issues, and the man is a taker. lol I don't feel the need to get screwed over too badly. I also don't feel the need to tell him to bend over and take it.

How do you choose the right lawyer? I want someone aggressive enough that I get the few things I do want.
What do you ask about when you sit down with them? How do I maximize the time so I'm not getting raped with fees?
Is a free initial consult a normal practice, or not likely?

Figure out what you want most, and what things you're constrained by (you'll probably need a lawyer in your county, think about your budget, etc.). Is time of the essence? Are there a lot of assets to get into a pissing match over? Is he going to fight you on custody? What's most important to you? See if you can get free consultations with a few family practice lawyers. Tell them your situation, the kind obstacles you anticipate facing from your ex, and your priorities. My uncle, who is a lawyer, said to get someone is doesn't go into things "looking" for a fight, but who understands how to play hardball and is totally willing to do it if things get ugly. Nice doesn't win points when it comes to a tough legal battle (which you hopefully will not have to face).

just a heads up that many family law attorneys don't do free consults. this is because once they meet with one party , they are conflicted out of the whole case. they don't want someone who is just trying to prevent their spouse from being able to hire them, so by charging for a consult they can hopefully weed those people out.

ask if the attorney you meet with will be the primary attorney on the case. ask what percentage of their practice is divorce/custody.