I am posting just so we can all move on and talk about something besides the dress. (From BCBG.) (Ta da!) I am very tired of talking about the dress.

This happens to me a lot -- I post something, anything, whatever stream-of-consciousness claptrap that occurs to me, without really thinking it through and within 15 minutes of go-live time, I'm sick of it. So I'm all, "Okay! Shut up now!" But the Internet does not WANT to shut up, and why should it, because hell, I started it.

I need a little pre-post checklist, I think.

Do I really want to think about this topic over and over when I monitor comments? Do I really want to read what a hundred other people think about this topic? And then what another hundred people think about what the first hundred people think?Am I, in fact, writing a check my body can't cash?

And another good question in life: Is it really a good idea to stay up until 1:30 am the night before an 8:30 am pediatrician appointment, and WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK was I thinking ordering a nine-course tasting menu with the wine pairing, which: NINE. NIIIINE.

I am on about three hours of sleep, and have approximately 13 more hours of hangover to go.

I also have no clever transition to Noah's four-month appointment stats, so...

Do-it-yourself Amalah: Insert your own witty segue here!

Noah weighs 15 pounds and is (wait for it) 27.5 inches long.

TWENTY. SEVEN. AND A HALF!

If you're anything like me, you will see that number and shrug, because...well, it's inches, and inches are small.

And then the doctor will show up and make the nurse RE-MEASURE because "that can't be right," which is exactly what my OB said when he saw 9 pounds, 15 ounces on the delivery room scale.

So there's this growth curve chart, and...I don't know, it curves, and they plot your baby's growth on it, and then they talk about percentiles and stuff. Noah is smack dab in the 50th percentile for weight and head circumfrence, and way, WAY off the curve for height, and will probably be seven feet tall in preschool.

There is no growth curve chart for foot size, and you know that I totally asked, because his feet are enormous and I am so proud of their enormity.

My pediatrician also ordered me not to tell other mothers about Noah's sleeping habits.

*smiles smugly and annoyingly, yet does not say a word*

I also returned my rented hospital-grade breast pump. I prefer the Avent Isis manual pump and never saw a bit of difference in what I could pump between the two, except that the Avent pumps faster and is way, WAY easier to carry around and deal with, plus I can pump with one hand while cutting lines of cocaine with the other. The entire world disagrees with me on this, and I'm not talking about the cocaine part. You are fine with the cocaine, but the fact that I am not using a $300 Pump In Style shocks you to your very CORE.

AND, since I enjoy the drama of a good motherhood hissyfit, I present to y'all this article, sent to me by alert reader Kathleen. Which I discussed with the doctor, and he wholeheartedly agrees with it and thinks that rice cereal, applesauce and bananas are about the WORST foods you can start a baby on, because they digest too quickly and can cause constipation.

(He's known in the practice as Dr. Poop, because he thinks the whole "it's okay if your baby only poops once a day or every other day" theory is a crock of well, shit, and that we're just breeding an army of chronically constipated kids, but he admits that he's alone in his belief that all babies, regardless of age, should be pooping several times a day and we shouldn't put up with the BIG HUGE BLOW OUT AND BEYOND THE DIAPER POOPS. He's...kind of crazy about the poop, but I love him.)

Anyway. He wants Noah eating more solids, since the kid clearly is growing like a damn weed, nursing and chugging bottles like they are going out of style, and came out of the womb about a month ahead developmentally. (My uterus grows babies in dog years, apparently.)

His words: "You feed this baby whatever the hell you want to feed this baby. You aren't going to hurt him with FOOD."

(We have no family history of food allergies, however, so it's obviously a different story for anyone who does.)

So we're ditching the rice cereal for barley, adding prunes and yellow vegetables, and getting out the Cuisinart to puree up anything else we feel like giving him. And yes, we're adding some damn spices, because if you had seen the look on Noah's face when I snuck him a couple tastes of grown-up polenta (gasp!) with garlic and herbs, you'd understand that the Noah, he loves the flavah.

Now. Everybody yell at everybody else about all the horrible things that will happen now. And I promise to not get sick of this topic for at least 10 minutes.

OMG! His face is totally going to get stuck like that! I blame the yams!

OH...that reminds me. I was 15 when my sister was born. Mom, followed the Rice, veggies, fruit nonsense. I gave my sister pickles as a teething soother...my mom lost her shit, for all of 30 seconds. Then realized it was the first time in a month the baby was content. All because of a cold dill pickle. To this day, the kid (16 now) practically lives on pickels.

I LOVE reading the Amalah! Plus, I am getting so much interesting reading material and research goodness that once my baby is born it will be well adjusted and loving of the spicy! I'm going to keep hitting refresh to see how this goes.

It is 4.30am in Australia. I have been up since 3.20 with Wriggling Baby and am still trolling through the amalah.com archives (no, I don't have something better to do right now, so shove off tooly). I just wanted to heap adoration (which yes, i know will get all lost amongst the other heaped adoration but you can't say I didn't try) and let you know that you inspired me to blog.

Oh God, I know that is possibly not something you want on your conscience but really, I have to blame someone for my pathetic attempt at wit and humour. Anyways. Hi from the land for which you can blame the Ugg boot (yep, thats right, just done did those in the archives).

Holy shit - where around here can you get a nine-course meal with wine?!?! I am so all over that.

(If you care to respond, feel free to email me so that not everyone know where The Amalah cares to eat her special dinners, because you know you're such a web-celeb that then someone would probably start stalking you!...Not me, of course. I'm not a stalker. I'm just a fan. A normal, not-crazy at all fan.) :-)

Man, I *love* the fact that Riley poops once per day. Sorry, Dr. Poop. Also, PRUNES! Instead of posting a picture of the overly-discussed dress, please share what happens to a baby's diaper after a prunefest.

I was eating salad at like 10 months old, so I'm not surprised Noah already has a superior palate. Apparently I was like that too. (I tell stories about myself because I have no children of my own. And I'm odd, so there you go.)

Wine paired tasting menus are very bad for me because they give me more wine than I can handle. But I can't give them back an unfinished glass, so I HAVE to drink more than I should. I'd be in a coma if I tried nine courses.

It may be something about those big boys! My Brady is way off the charts and has been since birth and he wanted nothing to do with the baby food. He towers almost a foot taller than the next biggest kid in his toddler class. We only tried it for a month or two until we started giving him table food. It is so much easier to get them to eat what you are eating and saves on time and money spent on baby food they don't like.

Oh a forewarning... you may end up in a "your kid couldn't possibly be only [insert age]" argument with other mothers at some point if he continues to grow at his present rate for height. Ah the joys of motherhood!

Thank you for posting that article and talking about what Dr. Poop said. My babe will be four months in two weeks and he is totally eager to start eating. I have felt in my gut that we should just let him eat what we eat as long as he couldn't choke on it. The whole rice cereal/pureed crap really doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. My husband thinks I am insane when I tell him I am going to make our own baby food using the food processor and our meals.

LOL So true that everyone has an opinion on the pump but most are ok with the nose candy, huh?

My babies all started eating dog kibble about Noah's age. Strong teeth and bones and they could really fetch things well. But I got tired of them scratching at the door so we ended that... (what is it with these kids, always wanting IN... go run in the yard, Mom's on the internet!)

I have no opinion on the pump, that I can find. Apparently guys could care less about breast pumps, because we are rather fixated on the breast itself, and at the same time kinda cross our legs funny at the thought of hooking ourselves to a milking machine.

If I knew then what I know now, I would definitely have started spicing up the food much earlier for my boy (now a year old!). I mean, have you tasted baby food out of a jar? it's pretty gross. Then he had some of my cinnamon applesauce and looked at me like "what the HELL was that other crap??" And pureeing up foods is a great idea -- really easy in a cuisinart, I never bothered with one of those special baby mills. Avocados are great too, babies especially enjoy them for the finger painting they can do on their food tray (plus they taste great too and are very nutritious).

Well, I'll try to be a rabble-rouser and suggest you still be somewhat careful about nut products (peanut butter and such) despite no history of food allergies because the nut allergies, they are sucktastic, and also this is a long sentence so I'm going to stop now.

Also I'm just CONTINUE BEING ALL CONTRARY and point out that Chickadee was a Giant Baby for quite a while and then just slowly fell back to the middle of the curve. So. Do not be alarmed just yet. You and Jason aren't giant people so it's unlikely that Noah will be huge.

(Also: I skipped right past the dress debate. But if you keep/kept it, please bring it to BlogHer.)

I am seventeen, slightly afraid of babies (I'm afraid I'll inadvertently hurt them) and I wasn't grossed out by the poop. I think it's because I've been puked on, had diapers explode on me and had to pick up other kid's poop. Off the floor.

I am officially ready for parenthood.

Except for the whole maturity, responsibility and financial independence bit.

Glad to hear he's sleeping well! And I found the Avent pump just as good as the monster I carried around for months. It's cool that we're finally hearing more on the first foods conversation. We started with carrots and it worked out. Plus, yes, spices. I mean, what do you think they feed babies in countries with spicier foods? Yeah for spices! Hope you feel less hungover soon.

The whole breast pump thing is crazy. You do feel like a cow with it. The noise the mechanical one makes is kind of rhythmic and soothing after a while though. When I came back to work and I was still nursing I lugged my rented hospital pump in every day. I would sit in a locked conference room with that thing three times a day feeling like a bad employee. So eventually I started multi-tasking and making calls, etc. That all stopped the day someone on the other end of the phone said, "Wow! You sure get a lot of faxes!" They thought the rhythmic sound was the fax machine printing out pages. Whoops! Perhaps non-phone related multi-tasking would have been a better choice. : )

My friends used a "baby mill" when they had their daughter start eating solids. They would bring it with them to restaurants and just grind up parts of whatever meals they got. Their kid is awesome and will try anything now- a budding gourmet!

BTW...Amy said she wasnt' gonna tell ya'll about the polenta...I mean...after yesterday, if a dress can get ya'll worked into a damn lather, imagine what giving polenta to an infant might bring on.....

Good luck with that home made baby food thing. I was all Mrs. Mom organically grown, steam it, puree it myself and feed it to the princess. Alas, she had No.Interest.Whatsoever. in what I made.

She did love non-fat plain yogurt and would eat anything if you put yogurt on it--sweet potatoes, ravioli, pancakes, eggs.

And my daughter's first non-baby food meal: dim sum. She was mad for bao. And we got better service because all the ladies with the carts were fascinated by someone so little and non-Asian eating whatever we put in front of her.

I wouldn't worry about your child being off the chart just yet. My child was always in the 95-100% for heigh and weight. She just turned 3 and is 3'11 and when I pulled the chart out that puts her WAY above normal. But she just doesn't seem any biger than the kids at her school. It may be time for the Dr.'s to get new charts. :)

He was 9 lbs 15 oz? Holy cow you beat me by 2 oz! LOL Mine was 27 1/2 in long at his appt to. Just think, if our kids are both freaky tall maybe they'll be in the NBA and we'll be set for life. That'd be nice.

Please keep all this parenting advice coming... Or write a damn book already! With no close friends at the baby stage, your advice and experiences are golden. (I am writing down the Isis breast pump thing for future reference as we speak...)

Our daughter (she's one) loves curry and falafel and hummus. Hot Thai chicken soup. Crystallized ginger. Hoo, she loves that stuff a LOT. Straight up. I made her pancakes with oatmeal and strawberries the other day. She threw every single piece on the floor. She demands food that TASTES like something. Can't say I blame her.

I just bought a grinder/strainer attachment for my KA mixer (which is badass, btw) and plan on giving my kiddo all kinds of goodies. He had a little taste of teriyaki in a restaurant and almost jumped out of his carseat/stroller/thingamajig and started clawing at our food.

while i did thoroughly enjoy the craziness caused over a damn dress, i enjoyed that article (and of couse what you had to say about it) even more.

my little man has been eating cereal for three weeks -- he loves it. i think it tastes like shit and hate myself every time i fix some for him because at nearly 20 pounds at four months, this kid obviously loves food, but has no idea what the world has to offer. my pediatrician told me to start veggies at 5 months and fruit and juice at 6 months. i love her, i really do, but i'm gonna have to follow the advice of amalah, not the doctor, and feed this poor baby something other than nasty cereal.

oh, and i'm pretty sure honey is still a no-go until they're a year old . . . though that article never mentioned anything along those lines.

Ok, seriously, you have to email and tell me what you're going to be doing for Noah food-wise. I talked to my quack dr. and told her that the rice cereal makes my son constipated (Um, he cries for like an HOUR after I give it to him and then farts loud, stinky farts for the rest of the night) but she was all "Nooooo, he's fine." I could change Dr's but since I moved to Bumblefuck, the other nearest Ped. is 40 minutes away and GAH to that.

So please, share! share! share!

Oh, and a food processor? Totally not necessary unless you really want one. I used a blender and pureed food that way with my daughter and it worked just as well as the Cuisinart I got a few months later. But now that I have a Cuisinart, I'll so be using it. Otherwise it'll go to waste with all my other pretty, shiny appliances that never get touched (cough-George Foreman, waffle maker, deep frier, perfect pancake, cappucino machine, grilled cheese maker, icee machine, popcorn popper-cough)

See I am stupid because although I am popping a kid out of my crotch ANY DAY NOW, I just figured out a month ago that babies don't eat food for a few months. Here I would have been shoveling in some green beans on the third day home.

Also PaintingChef -- I bought my breast pump on ebay. It was NIB with wrapping, but I can still freak people out and tell them its ebay. I like to skeeve people out like that!

Wacky Girl loved phad Thai and watermelon, couldn't get enough. Brown rice was OK with her, but only with hot sauce and butter on it (real rice, not cereal). Eating is such a personal thing, don't you agree? I don't like all the rules. Two of my girlfriends (one German, the other Japanese) were incensed by the "what to expect" guidelines for p.g. girls -- no heavy German food, no raw fish. They rebelled, needless to say.

Okay, I'll do it -- Amy, I am APPALLED that you would dare to feed Noah anything other than commercial baby food. Don't you realize they depend on the fear of new mom's in order to sell their unpalatable wares. Shame on you, shame I say.

Actually, for my REAL thoughts (Yes I was just kidding, yet fulfilling the all important "Naysayer" role): I wish I had known that when I had babies. My oldest, though, developed allergies because I listened to a few people (not my DR) who told me to feed him oatmeal at 2 mos. to help him sleep all night. I didn't do it for long, but he ended up with a whole host of allergies for about a year, oatmeal and cheerios being one of them. Thankfully, he has outgrown all of them and I did things -mostly- by the now de-bunked book for the other 2. However, I did stop formula and start them on cows milk at 10-11 months with my DR's encouragement -- with much skepticism from the non-DR sector of people.

"For decades doctors have said the best way to prevent allergies is to limit infants to bland foods, avoiding seasonings, citrus, nuts and certain seafood.

But Butte's review found no evidence that children without family histories of food allergies benefit from this. Others suspect avoiding certain foods or eating bland diets actually could make allergies more likely. Some exposure might be a good thing."

It's a tough one to let go of though -- nut allergies are SO vicious and deadly that ignoring the "rules" seems like an unnecessary risk. I mean, the kid can live without peanut butter just fine, so why mess with it?

Although Dr. Poop leans in favor of cautious early exposure and isn't sure that the whole one-year delay theory is anything more than just that -- a best-guess theory.

So I'm still undecided on the nut thing. I plan to research it a little more before making up my mind.

My mom gave us all peanut butter as babies and we're all fine. So...who knows.

Heh. Both my boys topped out the charts on heigh and weight when they were babies. My oldest, by the time he was 2, the other kids had pretty much caught up with him. Now he's nearly 6 and not much bigger than other five and six year olds, he looks normal. Baby height--not an indicator of young child or adult height.

And yeah to letting them eat what the hell they want. With the exception of honey--liquid honey bad for babies under a year, you can give them botulism that way. My kiddos were eating pancakes and stirfies by the time they were 6 months old.

I think that you are, quite possibly, the most entertaining mother I've ever come across.

I can only imagine what it must be like to have eleventythousand comments on one post and when I see the comment figure way up there, I don't even bother. I figure you either a) can't possibly read all of them or b) should not be reading some lame comment from me when you could be spending quality time with the incredible growing baby named Noah.

Today I decided to write in to tell you that ...well, what I said at the top.

Actually, I will revise my post -- I did follow the book on introducing new foods and waiting several days for signs of allergy. Once they made it through, most anything was fair game, as long as they could chew/gum it without choking. Oh, and my oldest is 8, has no allergies but tries to resist ANYTHING with spices. If he even suspects pepper he complains. Guess I should have spiked his Similac!!

Please don't consider this assvice, just a helpful suggestion for you to ponder and ignore if you've already heard it...

When you puree/blend whatever food you prepare for Noah, if you have extra, freeze it in ice cube trays. Usually, one or two cubes is perfect for a meal. With a hardly-noticeable bit of effort, you can build up a stash so you have a quick meal on those frenzied evenings (like, every one?) or to take with you when you guys go out (no doubt to shop for dresses or, in Noah's case, basketball shoes.)

And the first normal human food I gave my daughter was steamed broccoli, which she loves to this day. In seems like no matter what it is, your first foods usually end up as your favorite comfort foods.

Pam - I've heard about the ice cube tray trick and I have to say, it's brilliant. Thanks for sharing it again today, since we seem to have a lot of expectant and other new moms trying to figure this food thing out reading along.

And one of the courses at dinner last night was the most delicious broccoli soup I have ever tasted. Noah is definitely getting some broccoli.

My kid, ever since he's been big enough to eat it without choking, inhales salsa. The spicy kind. Salsa must be on all protein to make the protein palatable. Also? He loves Indian, Thai and Vietnamese food. Even when I accidentally gave him some of my melt-you-eyeballs hot curry.

I don't know if the milk helps ease his tummy or what, but I've seen gastric distress from corn and other bland foods, but never from spicy. (Knocking on wood and crossing fingers so this doesn't end tonight please god because I like to cook with spices.)

The issue with honey is that they don't have immunities against botulism or something, isn't it? I don't know. I plan to wait to give my baby nuts and eggs and stuff, but pooh on rice cereal! I can't stand bland food and she's been getting tastes of everything I eat in my breastmilk. She'll be eating Thai and Indian at 6 months and loving it.

All I can say is, it's probably not a good idea to let your baby lick the bottom of Daddy's work shoe while your attention is absorbed reading some stupid controversy about a dress. Like I just... I mean, some Moms might.

My wee one also enjoyed her spicy salsa starting at about 6 months. She would drink it stright from the cup like a smoothy. But things like rice cereal, cucumbers, pickles, apples and and other bland foods would give her the rocket-jet-pack poohs for the rest of the day.
Steamed veggies are awesome. Mine also loved broccoli as well as green beans sprinkled with cajun seasoning, cauliflower with cumin and asparagus steamed with soy sauce.
One thing- do watch how many carrots and sweet potatoes you feed him. My little one began to glow orange during her carrot glut phase. It doesn't hurt the baby- it's just a tad shocking when he begins to look like an Oompa-Loompa.

I think you must close comments on previous entries because I keep getting in too late, but I wanted to comment on your last entry (which you mention in this one, so it's all fair). But I originally thought the dress was WAY MORE expensive than it was, so I don't think it's such a big deal to splurge every now and again--especially when it's not even that much of a splurge.

Maybe I'm a spoiled ho with too much money but I'm pretty certain that you're more financially stable than I am, and I wouldn't hesitate too much about getting something special.

On an entirely different note, I've been enjoying your journal a lot lately--I've even started going through the archives, which I almost never do with other blogs.

I am *so* in favor of feeding the baby real food as soon as possible, especially when you are dealing with second (third, fourth, whatever) children. Do not fall into the pattern of special food for the children, because you will feel like a short order cook. Unfortunately, that hasn't helped me avoid having a picky eater (Lil Joe will not eat meat or eggs, no matter how often I offer them to him, and he's almost 3).

I love, love, love your doctor. My babe hardly ever poops, and now I know why. Yay Dr. Poop! So, are you just going to mush up whatever you eat?? Or make him special things, but with spices? Like, tonight is pot roast ravioli, which seems a bit much for a 6 month old, but maybe I'm old fashioned...

I am going to say this now and beat the 2007 rush: there will come a time when Noah will refuse all sustenance except the one thing you swore a child of yours would never eat (um, I dunno, pickled eggs? White Castle?) and you will cry and cry because he used to LOVE dal and chili-cilantro mayonnaise and now he just clamps his lips shut. Eventually you will give in and purchase a container full of the objectionable food (probably stolen from Hong Kong but you won't ask any questions). At which point the boy will promptly refuse to ever touch pickled eggs (or White Castle. whichever) again. And you will seriously consider giving him a good shaking. But you will not. Of course.
The Good Eater Baby inevitably goes through the Terrible Eater Toddler stage but, I think, emerges as a good eater again down the road.
So keep up the good fight. And remember my words a year from now. And don't shake him.
That is all (it was plenty, sorry).

To MamaKaren, one night the neighbor boy stayed for dinner and I was making a personal favorite -- scrambled eggs, bacon and buttermilk biscuits. Turns out he only liked eggs if they have syrup on them. Also, my 6 year old doesn't like eggs but did with syrup. Bad? maybe, but it really seemed no different than offering her pancakes with syrup.

Re: the food. Yeah, with my vast experience with babies - which = 0, except for what I observed w/ my 18 nieces/nephews of all ages, in Syria.

The feed the babies EVERYTHING! Bread! Garlic! Tea! Hummus is probably GOOD, potato chips BAD - but the kids seem to grow up just fine, and I have observed NONE of the "I won't eat that, make me something else" attitude that I've seen in some of my US friends' (annoying) kids.

Here's me, in Syria, w/ some of the world's most adorable and well-behaved children:

http://pics.livejournal.com/sultansfavorite/pic/00010afq/g8

http://pics.livejournal.com/sultansfavorite/pic/0000tydp/g8

And in the mindset of my crazy in laws in Syria - browse my nieces and pick out a wife for cute Noah NOW! Hahaha!!! *grins*

My 10 month old took himself off of baby food at 6 months, and which point weput him on table food exclusively. He eats everything (my ped says no honey, egg whites, nuts, chocloate, or berries beyond that anything goes.) He loves salmon, broccoli, chicken, all food! He's the best eater. Noah will be fine.

I am guessing this was Restaurant Eve. It's the only place I know of that has nine courses. The tasting room is amazing and a great place for romantic dinners. You guys chose well. I wish I wasn't such a cheap ass and only got the five course when I went.

The stick-mixer is my best friend. That is all I used for my last two and all I will use for this one. Food we are eating + stick mixer (+ or - a little water if it is too sticky) = awesome and wholesome baby food.

Uh, totally off the topic of Noalah and back on to spending money. Have you seen the fluerville diaper bags??!! I remember that you have a very fancy-pants bag, but when you are downsizing it, you've got to go look at the fluerville. Best site ever to look at them http://www.pinktaffydesigns.com oh, so cuuuuuutte.

My daughter's first solid meal was a spoonful of (good, not that ground up dust shit) parmesan with a half a spoon of extra virgin olive oil. She inhaled it. Never bought jarred baby food except when travelling and even then they were a waste of money and space because she would not even touch them. Baby food in jars is gross. Tastes like either lemon (because the only preservative they can use is citric acid) or cat food. It's so easy to make baby food at home and tastes so much better. Steam, lightly boil, pureee. Takes what, 15 minutes? Make a batch and freeze in tiny tupperwares. Voila. Kiss the tall boy for me.

The cuteness? Oh so much.
The tallness? Wow... and ain't it sad to give up the little car seat?
The pump thing? I'm just jealous. My boobs laugh at the Avent pump. Only hospital grade at highest setting will get any milk out of these girls!

Yay for Dr. Poop! We tried so.damned.hard to get our 18month old to eat jarred baby food because it was the "healthy" variety. He refused, and we thought he had a developmental block with eating. Turns out, instead, that he just wants to eat Mama's cookin' and refuses to eat processed food (such a good boy). He loves spicy foods (as do we) and we give him a taste of everything we eat. He's also extraordinarily tall and lean and has ginormous feet. Maybe it's the feet...

Hells yeah...feed that fabulous boy! My youngest would never eat baby food, the closest he came was regular white rice mixed with cinnamon applesauce. That's all he would eat when he was teething too. Now? He likes his rice with ketchup. Ew.