Blog by a woman who is a writer, mother, knitter, Buddhist, meditator, reader, and editor, recovering from life and who isn't really good at any of it!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Random thoughts

Living with an alcoholic is never easy. Last night I finished working a 12 hour shift at my primary job, and had to go for a brief store meeting at Starbucks, my second job. I explained to my alcoholic that the meeting would be finished at 7pm. However, he called me at 6:50pm asking where I am and what were my plans for dinner. Due to his slurring words, loud voice, and the fact that he was calling when he knew I should not be taking calls, I was pretty sure he was drunk.

My mind went, I am ashamed to admit, to its usual place. I started to formulate a big old resentment and started doing that pissed off, snippy self dialog in my head. Instead of enjoying meeting the rest of the team I work with, I was nursing that ugly resentment.

However, my usual Monday night Al-Anon meeting was almost half over. I drove the mile or so to the meeting, parked illegally (sorry, will make amends later), and rushed upstairs to catch the last 25 minutes of the meeting, and felt SO MUCH BETTER because of it.

I take heart in the fact that I may not always go to the right place in my head, but I do know better how to handle it.

Today has been an off day however. I was up 5 times last night with stomach illness, and have felt off and out of sorts all day because of it. I am working at my office now, and until 5:50pm or so, then going home, because I don't have it in me to work a 15 hour day today.

I knew doing both jobs was not going to be easy. But instead of panicking, I am going to just survive one day at a time. Just get through today, and let tomorrow be tomorrow's job.