Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Anyone got a bottle opener handy - and I don't mean you, Sergeant

There are definitely ‘Only in Australia’ weeks in terms of newspaper stories– and this week is certainly a prize winning one as far as Australian stereotypes go. I’ve already mentioned the earlier breaking news of the Queensland Driving test with its calm and measured approach to candidates speeding and steering with one hand during the test. We now also have the Australian male who after sufficient drink to get him thrown out of a Broome pub, and I suspect we are not just talking about slurring his words or fumbling the change here, then decided to jump into the enclosure of a 5 metre crocodile to give it a pat and sit on its back. He apparently felt it would be an experience and with typical male confidence assessed the crocodile as slow and stupid. A few good bites later he had hurdled out of the pen and presumably is now convinced that ‘Fatso” the crocodile didn’t grow to his substantial size by being slow on the uptake when presented with ‘food to go’.

I did think I had read it all in terms of bizarre stories for this week when I came across this one in the respectable Sydney Morning Herald. http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/sergeant-meant-no-offence-by-pierced-penis-party-trick-20100713-109iz.html.

It relates the story of a New South Wales police officer who is fighting his dismissal from the force. The case centres on his party trick of opening a beer bottle with a bottle opener attached to his penis piercing. This feat apparently stunned, amazed and delighted his dinner companions at the restaurant where the Christmas party was being held. I am mentally trying to imagine what would be the appropriate facial expression should anyone try this party trick on me – perhaps I should stick to screw top drinks in the future. The bit of the story that really made me snort into my coffee with suppressed laughter is that he now works part time in a bottle shop – the mind boggles.