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Single mothers **Edited**

If you are a single mother, how did you come to be a single mother? Did your child's father leave? Did you leave your child's father? Did the father pass away? Did you get pregnant during a one night stand? Did you get pregnant via in vetro fertilization while you were single? In vetro while in a homosexual relationship and you and your s/o split up? Were you raped? Did you adopt? Was it a completely different circumstance?

Please only respond sincerely and do not bash. I am simply curious and I will not condone bashing. And obviously, only respond if you are comfortable doing so.

**Edit**
I just want to say that I am so happy that so many of you have been able to overcome your hardships. It's makes me very sad to see how many women are or have struggled in the past. I am blown away by the love and courage that you are showing your children. I respect you all more than I can begin to express in a mommy forum. I will try to keep up with the replies, but as I am getting a large number of responses so quickly, I apologize if I don't get back to you in a timely manner.
Thank you all for being such an inspiration of love and hope to our younger generations.
<3

**Edited again**

First I want to say, thank you all for the overwhelming response to this post.. Thank you for sharing your stories and inspiring so many..
As I stated previously in the response section, my overall goals in this post were to 1) shed some light on the plights and struggles of so many mothers, 2) hopefully show people that no matter what situation they find themselves in there is always hope, sometimes it's just very hard to see, 3) to hopefully show people that people really do care--even an anon that you may not know personally--there is always someone out there pulling for you and hoping that you can overcome whatever tragedy you may find yourself in and go on to find what makes YOU happy, 4) to possibly help someone in need who is struggling right now and needs some inspiring stories to help them find their own courage, 5) and lastly to ask women who have gone through and survived divorce, domestic violence, rape, etc. what resources were useful and what were lacking.

I know that I won't possibly be able to respond to everyone, but I would really appreciate any advice or direction on how other citizens could help build and better the resources currently available.

Thank you again for sharing your stories.. I have a very deep respect for single mothers, the courage and detetmination that so many of you have truly is an inspiration. You are an inspiration to us all and I sincerely hope you all go on to find peace and happiness in your lives.

I'm not a single mother yet, but I am working on finding the strength to leave. I'm terrified, though. And these ladies in this thread are inspiring.

I am so sorry you're going through such a hard time. :(
I hope that you find the strength and courage to leave.. It's not going to be easy, but you CAN do it..I hope that you are able to follow in the path of these wonderfully inspiring women. As you can see, it wasn't easy for any of them really, but it was more than worth it for all of them..
Hugs momma!! You can do this!!

Thanks!! Yeah I definately feel like he needs to be in more things. he started soccer this fall and he likes it. So we will see how he keeps up with it. He is such a tech kid and I can't seem to break him of it. He will go outside for a little while then want to come back in a plop down on the couch or go in his room to play. Right after soccer practice he will want to grab his game boy and I am like, "what??" I know I need to take more steps and get him moving. shoot I have been lazy too so I can't blame him for that. I just want him to be different than his dad. I don't want him growing up treating women in the same way.

Quoting Danielle17T:

I totally agree my sons dad &his family wanted us to get married because I was pregnant (I'm sure they didn't know he rapped me when I was unconscious) &I said we can try to b friends& c how that goes but that wasn't good enough if we weren't together he didn't wanna help with or c our son I just don't understand how it could b good for a child to have parents in an unhappy relationship?? Definitely keep trying to do boy things with him maybe put him in sports or ask a guy friend to hang out with him sometimes I was so worried when I found out I was having a boy because I'm pretty girly but I have 4 brothers so that definitely helped! Good luck!

Quoting goofygalno1:

My ex left because he wanted to be free to do his own thing. He cheated on me and I stayed for my son. We had split up briefly and got back together for another 4 yrs before he finally left in 2009. It has been really hard raising my son alone because trying to teach him boy things isn't easy. Especially, since his dad didn't teach him anything except to play video games. But I will say that we are both better off. I was unhappy in my marriage and looking back at it all I know we were both miserable. I guess I was more pissed that he left first and I didn't.

He has been the poster boy for deadbeat dads and the only thing I wish I would've done is not say yes at my wedding. I was pregnant with our son at the time and feel we would've been better off from the get go if I was single from the start.

I have a great support system in my family and they were there for me through it all. I didn't have the greatest attorney so I got screwed, but to all of the moms out there that might go through with it... do your homework. Make sure to ask tons of questions and don't be afraid. Don't ever feel like your man makes you who you are. For a good while I thought I was gonna die because I felt like how can I raise a small child alone. Well I basically was raising him alone. My ex was never really present even when he was home. I guess I was more concerned financially since he brought in more than I did.

He didn't really spend quality time with our son. Shoot he wouldn't even teach him how to ride his bike or throw a ball. And now my son is so far behind with not having a good male role model. I try to do things with him and it's just not the same.... but I do try!!

But lesson learned and if I can tell any girl out there that is pregnant and feels like she has to get married for the baby. Listen carefully....DO NOT GET MARRIED JUST FOR THE KIDS!! You will only wind up hurting yourself and most of all your children. I would rather be alone than be with a man who isn't present in the marriage.

by Anonymous 81
on Oct. 16, 2012 at 10:51 AM

I divorced my ex after 20 years of marriage. Finally realized I had tried to change all those years so I would be what he wanted but I am who I am. We share our 3 kids week by week.

by Anonymous 82
on Oct. 16, 2012 at 11:42 AM

My DD who is six now her father and I had her young and he choose not to be around. My DS his father cheated a lot..I was on/off a single parent for 2 years before I finally completely broke it off when he hit me and was charged with assault...Since then I have been a single mommy for 2 years, and I absoultely wouldn't have it any other way, my kids are mine and I don't have to share with any body and I know exactly how there are raised which makes me even more happy.

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
on Oct. 16, 2012 at 12:06 PM

Quoting Anonymous:

I divorced my ex after 20 years of marriage. Finally realized I had tried to change all those years so I would be what he wanted but I am who I am. We share our 3 kids week by week.

Aww, I'm sorry you weren't able to work it out, but I'm very glad you can be you now.. And it's great that you're able to effectively comparent now! That's awesome! Many blessings momma!!

I think boys that r raised by just there mom do grow up to b good men especially in how they treat women at least I hope so I get scared when my sons dad comes around it's only every once in a while& never last long but I do not want my son to think that how his dad acts is ok like not finishing high-school or thinking working at Walgreens is a good job I don't want my baby to b a loser like him& have no goals in life& try to get by doing the very minimum I guess all we can do is teach them how to treat others& show them how to succeeded& hope for the best!

Quoting goofygalno1:

Thanks!! Yeah I definately feel like he needs to be in more things. he started soccer this fall and he likes it. So we will see how he keeps up with it. He is such a tech kid and I can't seem to break him of it. He will go outside for a little while then want to come back in a plop down on the couch or go in his room to play. Right after soccer practice he will want to grab his game boy and I am like, "what??" I know I need to take more steps and get him moving. shoot I have been lazy too so I can't blame him for that. I just want him to be different than his dad. I don't want him growing up treating women in the same way.

Quoting Danielle17T:

I totally agree my sons dad &his family wanted us to get married because I was pregnant (I'm sure they didn't know he rapped me when I was unconscious) &I said we can try to b friends& c how that goes but that wasn't good enough if we weren't together he didn't wanna help with or c our son I just don't understand how it could b good for a child to have parents in an unhappy relationship?? Definitely keep trying to do boy things with him maybe put him in sports or ask a guy friend to hang out with him sometimes I was so worried when I found out I was having a boy because I'm pretty girly but I have 4 brothers so that definitely helped! Good luck!

Quoting goofygalno1:

My ex left because he wanted to be free to do his own thing. He cheated on me and I stayed for my son. We had split up briefly and got back together for another 4 yrs before he finally left in 2009. It has been really hard raising my son alone because trying to teach him boy things isn't easy. Especially, since his dad didn't teach him anything except to play video games. But I will say that we are both better off. I was unhappy in my marriage and looking back at it all I know we were both miserable. I guess I was more pissed that he left first and I didn't.

He has been the poster boy for deadbeat dads and the only thing I wish I would've done is not say yes at my wedding. I was pregnant with our son at the time and feel we would've been better off from the get go if I was single from the start.

I have a great support system in my family and they were there for me through it all. I didn't have the greatest attorney so I got screwed, but to all of the moms out there that might go through with it... do your homework. Make sure to ask tons of questions and don't be afraid. Don't ever feel like your man makes you who you are. For a good while I thought I was gonna die because I felt like how can I raise a small child alone. Well I basically was raising him alone. My ex was never really present even when he was home. I guess I was more concerned financially since he brought in more than I did.

He didn't really spend quality time with our son. Shoot he wouldn't even teach him how to ride his bike or throw a ball. And now my son is so far behind with not having a good male role model. I try to do things with him and it's just not the same.... but I do try!!

But lesson learned and if I can tell any girl out there that is pregnant and feels like she has to get married for the baby. Listen carefully....DO NOT GET MARRIED JUST FOR THE KIDS!! You will only wind up hurting yourself and most of all your children. I would rather be alone than be with a man who isn't present in the marriage.

I'm no longer a single mom but I was for a major part of my children's early years. My ex-husband and I married in September of 2001. Just a month and a day after my 19th birthday. I had known him just over a year and I was madly in love. Though my love never wore off, he showed me a side of himself I'd never seen once we moved 3000 miles from my home to his home state.
He became unlike anyone I'd ever known. He worked and made good money. But soon he was staying out all night and leaving me at home for days at a time. By June 2002 I suspected that he was doing meth. He was soon picked up on a random stop and went to jail for six months. The day he went in I was taken to the hospital for a major panic attack.
The police officer at the hospital came in the urgent care and said "I here your expecting your first child." I looked at him like he was crazy. He left the room and when the nurse came in she verified what he had said.
I was stunned. This was the last thing I'd expected. But I knew I had to get it together. So I started a daycare out of my home. Had my son and told my husband he couldn't be around till he shaped up. 18 months after our son was born. After relentless begging and showing me he was changed. I allowed him to come back home.
We had a decent life for the next 4 years. We had a daughter that he idolized he kept his job and stayed out of trouble. Then our 3rd child I came along. My pregnancy was difficult from the start. At 4a months along my husband started drinking and gambling. My little baby girl was born at 32a weeks after my water broke due to contractions I had ignored because I was trying to work overtime to get ahead before having her.
During labor my husband walked into the room drunk. The nurse kept getting him coffee to sober up. I was checked and was at 7cm. 10min later I felt her slide down into the birth canal. My husband just sat by the window as I yelled at the nurse, telling her the baby was coming and her arguing with me that it was impossible since she'd just checked me. I insisted she look as I was holding my daughters head. The nurse hit the emergency button and yelled down the hall to get the ICU team in there. An intern ran in only having time to put basic gloves on. I let him take her head which was out already and she slid right out. He put her on my abdomen and I got one good look before the neonatologist picked her up checked her over and gave her back clean and swaddled.
I told my husband he couldn't stay after she came home. I'd had enough. I filed for divorce and moved into a smaller house. My then almost ex only came to babysit when my daycare or mother couldn't. One morning I came home early from work to find a strange woman an d him in my bed. I told him I didn't need him around anymore.
He broke into my house and attempted suicide two months later. I found him on my couch barely breathing and a pulse I could not get a count on. I did CPR, got hoim to somewhat come to, then got him to the hospital a block away. It was much faster than an ambulance. I saw him twice more and I haven't seen him, going on three years in November. He has supervised visitation rights. But has never used them.
Since then I remarried a man I've known since I was 16. We have a daughter and we're raising our nephew. Our marriage and our family is not perfect but we are good together. I never have to wonder what bills get payed this month. We have a nice home. I've come a long way. I'm happy and so are all of my kids.

Thanks! I've been remarried for a little over two years and I'm happy!

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting djlm70:

I was a single mom for eight years. My ex husband was in the military and he cheated on me whenever he got the chance. He told me he wanted a divorce over the phone. I was in Ohio staying with my parents and he was in Texas doing training.

I'm very sorry.. I hope you have been able to find peace and your happiness.

I'm answering on my DW's page, since I read CM all the time. My single Mom raised a total of 5 kids by herself. The first three were the group of which I was the middle, and our dad started drinking,"one with the guys after work" and became a steady drinker. Then when the "bitching at home and three squalling kids" became too much for him he decided the answer was to plant some seed in the young secretary at work. (I got two brothers that I LOVE and whom he also didn't raise.) Then when I was 11 the "Love of her life" from her youth showed up, and her being a hard working Mom of three, she fell in love again because he said all the right things. She got preg. and they were married, he tried to annul and ran for it. Then there were four. A few years later, when she was in her 40s, a guy who really DID LOVE HER came into her life and they were married and lo and behold, his vasectomy, "came untied" or some such, and I got another brother. Jack was a good man and she saw him all the way through terminal cancer. Broke all of our hearts. Later on Mom met another wonderful man and had a few happy years until she stayed with him while he also died of cancer. The one thing through it all was that she is a wonderful Mom, and all of us have grown up to be Loving parents, friends, and people. Thanks to her. Despite being VERY POOR she also took in many of our friends who had bad home lives and several still will only call HER Mom. I can only hope that by passing that love on to my children, I can in some way repay God for giving me one of His best creations, a Mother who ALWAYS put her children first. A Lioness or Grizzley would do well not to mess with my Mom's kids! Thanks for reading this, you will now be returned to your regular CM reading. Posted by a Dad.

Send me email updates about messages I've received on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.
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