Mixed Wedding Feelings: “I Thought It Was Just Me”

There’s been an interesting response to Changes and Changers, my blog about the range of feelings that went with being able finally to get married in the state where I live. The comments posted on the blog are representative, but links to the entry were also posted on a large list-serv that brought e-mail responses from folks I’ve never heard from before.

On the mixed feelings:

“Everyone was so happy about it, I thought it was just me who felt bitter.”

On the futility of traveling to where it’s legal:

“If I come to California to get married, I go home to be declared unmarried. I won’t feel married until I can get married here.”

On the wisdom of the institution:

“Friends of mine rushed to the altar because they could. They never stopped to ask themselves if they should. I think they’ll be the first gay divorce in California!”

There was the opposite side, too:

“I’d give anything to live in the U.S. I’d pick California and marry my beloved. I’m a citizen, but we can’t move there as a couple because we’re not married. We can’t even get a joint loan together here. Don’t take what you have for granted.”

One thoughtful woman pointed out that things were not as bleak to single gays and lesbians as it might seem to those who have been in long-term relationships and have waiting for years to see our marriages recognized. She pointed out that any lesbian or gay man not yet in a relationship can enter into one knowing that marriage could be its ultimate step.

So today, all over, there’s a different hope for many gay people. I hadn’t thought of it in those terms, and now I can see that the question is no longer “can we” but “should we”? That’s how it’s been for straight people and now the same basic question about relationships exists for us.

This will probably be my last post on the topic. I want to thank everyone for their responses and invite you to visit back for the regular programming. Coming up, an excerpt from my next novel, Warming Trend.