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November 30, 2011

On how the apple pie poked fun of me

The pie wasn’t devoured on Thanksgiving Day. My neighbor brought over two other desserts
that far outweighed my apple pie endeavor.
We chose to inhale those desserts over the former. At the time it was the right choice. Berry pie warm out of the oven and
gingerbread pumpkin pie beat out my apple pie.
Rightfully so.

As I type this, the disposal has just been turned
off. The apple pie I baked for the
Thanksgiving weekend of gluttony is now down the drain. My
battle with leftover apple pie had been keeping my mind occupied since
Saturday. I was losing ever so
slowly. A nibble at it here. A nibble there.

It kept tempting me.

Calling me.

Mocking me.

Luring me.

Patronizing me.

And it was in the freezer.

Nibble. Nibble. Nibble.

That pie. A true bastard.

It’s a f-ing pie for goodness sake and it was nudging me
over to the dark side. Like Satan
calling for one last temptation.

I don’t want to be stuffing myself into my holiday wardrobe
so I shoved the frozen pie down the disposal, and as I watched the last crumb
tornado down into the belly of the beast, I laughed back at it. I also might have given it the bird; a
gesture I found appropriate adjacent to the days post Thanksgiving.

Little battles win this war.
This was definitely a tough battle, and I put on my armor to help
protect me (read: new dress from Shabby Apple).
Anything tighter would have had a button popping off or a zipper not
being able to zip up. Tragedy would have
struck and I would have been brought to my knees heaving and crying in defeat. Throwing my over-stuffed apple pie eating body
onto the floor flaying my arms in a toddleresque tantrum. Totally acceptable behavior for a girl of
middle thirty-somethingdom. But, none of
that happened. Because, there is a God
and he’s helping to watch over me. And
my waistline, apparently.

I totally get it, not pathetic. When people start saying "what a waste" about things like that I jusy say it would have either been junk in my body, or junk in the garbage disposal - unfortunetely it cannot be donated to the starving children in Africa, you know what I mean?