12/28/2012

A friend of mine invited us last minute to go see Christmas lights at the local zoo last night. My husband hadn't made it home yet, but I REALLLY wanted to go. I love Christmas lights and went to see lights at the Toledo Zoo every year when I was growing up.

And it was the last night!!

My husband got home shortly after and decided he didn't want to go since he had just got home and had to work early today. But he suggested that I take Keegan. So I obviously did! It was awesome. They had a snow area with "real" snow and a snow blower (the kind that makes snow). ...Keegan is such a tropics baby, he does not like snow... How will I ever take him to Ohio in the winter?!

Anyway, the real awesome part was when I came home. I have been feeling pretty crappy and extremely tired lately, so my house has taken the backseat.

We got home around 9:45 and my house was clean!!!

The dishes were even done!

If you knew my husband, you'd know what a rarity this is. He hates doing the dishes.

Ronin woke up around 1am and as I fought my way out of bed, my husband beat me to it. He woke up to change him and put him back to sleep. I was so tired, you have no idea how much those 10 minutes of extra sleep meant.

I'm so lucky to have a husband who knows exactly when I need him most and knows just how I need him. I woke up this morning feeling so much better!

12/26/2012

I loved watching my sons face light up and spending time with both my babies and my wonderful husband.

And I got a Macbook Pro, so I'm one happy girl =)

Christmas really is my favorite Holiday. I love cooking all kinds of food ( even if it takes me forever and destroys my kitchen!) I love having friends over (since our family is so far away). And I really love gift exchanges!

It's hard though.

It's hard to force myself into the holiday spirit when it's 60 degrees and sunny! I know, I know.. I really shouldn't be complaining. But I grew up with snow and white Christmases with hot chocolate and sledding.

I feel that my kids need all of that. .. I did keep the AC to make it feel extra cold =) Though i'm not sure if it made a difference.

But I want that.

I want to snuggle in Pj's and warm socks under tons of blankies and drink hot cocoa on Christmas eve while we watch Christmas movies and wait for Santa to come!

This is our last Christmas here in Okinawa, still no clue as to where we're headed next, but I'm hoping for somewhere with snow.. and I never thought I'd say that, but it's for my kids. For the Christmas experience!

12/19/2012

I often like to believe that I am fearless, but I know just how much of my life is consumed with it. And as hard as it is to live by sometimes, I also know that I should have no fears as my faith in God should overpower them.

Last night at my bi-monthly MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers!) meeting, we talked about fear and how it has consumed people in our country in the wake of the Sandy Hook shootings. How so many have said that they will now homeschool their children, or never go to a mall, or a movie theater? How they will put their life on hold because of this tragedy.

Because where was God?

What about the Gun gun control?

There are so many questions, and I can't say that I or anyone has all the right answers, but I do know that we ought to not be afraid to live our lives. There is no way of knowing what will happen during our days or when our last one will come. Just keep faith in God and know that he has a plan for all of us, whether we are here on earth for 6 years or 106, he has a divine plan. Trust it.

Please, know in your heart that no matter how devastating and tragic were last weeks events, good will prevail. In some way, big or small.. the good will prevail.

There is no need to live in fear of the unknown. We have no control.

Do not let Fear dictate your life and rob you of a chance to live a fulfilling life.

I didn't think I needed to hear these words, but I did.

Not even because of last weeks events, but because of the countless other things that I am afraid of.

Because I am a mother.

And most of my days are spent being paranoid about my babies.

Because when my babies are sleeping I check on them several times to make sure they are still breathing.

And when I'm showering, I pop my head out 5 or 6 times because I swear I just heard one of them crying.

I keep them close because I am afraid to lose them.

Often I don't let my oldest engage in activities that would benefit him because in some way I am afraid for him.

12/12/2012

If you've been following, then you know that I've been a little MIA lately and have been trouble coming out of the blogging slumps.

It's rough.

So last night I had this great idea to buy a book because reading inspires writing, right?

Well, it does for me anyway.

Usually I'd go for a romance novel, or a "schmuck" book as my brother-in-law has dubbed them. I used to swear I'd never read them, but my sister-in-law totally corrupted me on a camping trip a few years ago.

So, I went to find one.

When I got to the book store, I instead found myself drawn to the business and finance section... that was a first.

12/06/2012

When you haven't posted anything in two weeks and you keep telling yourself,

"Tonight, I promise!" and later.. "I swear I'll get to it tomorrow!"

...because that's where I'm at. And it's not that I don't have anything to write about, ideas dance around my head all day long. It's just finding the time. If I'm not eating sleeping, at work or chasing one of the babies, I'm overly exhausted and just want to go back to sleep..

So how do you prioritize? When is blogging more important than sleep, or other things?

How do you make up for the lack of blogging you've been doing?

AHHHAAAHHRRRGH!! That's about how I feel about that.

The good news is...

I put in my two weeks notice at work!!!

And I am just so overly excited about being a stay at home mom again!

So hopefully I will not only have more time with my family, but for my blog and other things I enjoy too!

Looking forward to it, and figuring this Bloggy MIA thing out in the meantime.

11/27/2012

If you've ever been in a car accident, I'm sure you're familiar with the moments just before and immediately after the crash that seem to just float in slow motion.

The moment when all outside sound is drowned out, leaving you with the thud of your own heartbeat and racing thoughts.

I met that moment again this weekend.

On Saturday my family and I were on our way to the local PX where my husband was volunteering for Toys for Tots and I had a list of Sale shopping to do!

We were barely 3 miles from home when a woman crossed the center line and hit our vehicle head on.

We had been stopped as we were waiting to go around a larger vehicle that had stopped to refill soda machines on the side of the road. For this, I am thankful as I'm sure it greatly reduced the amount of damage.

I was reading the sales flyer, since I was on my way to shop for them, when my husband muttered a few curse words. I looked up just in time to see the woman speeding towards us, and that's when everything just seemed to slow. Her vehicle collided with ours with a loud crunching metal sound and enough force to jolt us a bit. Immediately, I could hear the boys start to cry and all I could think about was jumping to get them. Everything seemed so slow motion and I couldn't move fast enough, though I know in reality, I probably moved faster than I ever had in my life. And my husband was right behind me. We grabbed the boys and took them to a safe spot on the sidewalk across the street. They we crying - and scared - but they we're fine. We all were. My husband went back to look at the car and check on the other driver. She too was fine other than some scrapes and bruises.

Paramedics came and checked us all out, and to be on the safe side, sent us to the ER for Ronin to be checked.

We are all okay.

Other than the headache that is filling out insurance claims...

But that moment was scary. Because for a moment I didn't know.

And as mothers, I think we are hard-wired to always prepare for the worst.

My kids are troopers and I'm so glad they are okay. Tonight, I'll be holding them extra tight.

11/16/2012

Lately, I have been having those days.Those days where nothing goes right, the kids are screaming, the house is a wreck, and my husband won't be home for another few hours.And most of the time, while I'm juggling five or six tasks at hand and trying keep my sanity and composure intact, I can't help but feel small.

And unimportant.

And that although I have many things to do, they're not important.

And then I think, if only..

If only I could finish college.

If only I had stayed in the military.

If only I could find a job that wasn't bottom of the ladder.

If only...

Because then I might feel important. And then my husband will know that I am important.

That what I do matters. That I am making a difference.

I feel that way sometimes. And sometimes I desperately say things fishing for some kind of verbal confirmation that my thoughts are wrong. That I shouldn't think if only, because what I do IS important.

My husband is most often caught in direct fire of those desperate pleas and being the ever so stubborn and quick man that he is, he often catches on to the fact that I'm looking for him to tell me something and of course then refuses. Because he's stubborn.

And I get mad, because I know he does this and damnit, can he just tell me I'm important?

But the truth is, even though there are moments where I feel small, overwhelmed and as if my daily tasks do not matter, I know that is false.

I am a Mother and a Wife. I work full time. I go to school and I have my own business. I am a military spouse. I am expected to move every few years and start all over. And I do. I am resiliant. I have my days, but they make me stronger. Because there's never been a day that I haven't made it through. With everything that has been thrown at me, no matter how overwhelmed I have become, or how negative my thoughts have been, I have not given up. I am here, still mothering and still married. Still working, still going to school. Still moving.

I am important. & whatever I do, matters.

To someone.

My children need me.

It is important that I feed them, change them.

Nuture them, and teach them.

I make a difference to them.

Within them.

& For them.

They need me.

My husband, stubborn as he may be, needs me.

It is important that I stay strong and resiliant.

He is a Marine, and that's his job.

But I am his wife, and he needs me.

He needs me to be patient, and to listen.

To hear his fears and join in his excitement.

To say, "We can do this!"

He needs me to take care of things while he is away.

To raise our children as they should be.

I make a difference to him.

He needs me.

And I know that those are true, even on days when I feel otherwise.

Please know, that even when your child is naked, screaming, and running rampant while you attempt to cook and clean with the other on your hip...

what you are doing is not worthless.

You are not worthless.

You do matter.

And what you are doing matters.

Because you are a woman.

You are a mother.

You are a wife.

And whether you're just one of those, or all three, you are important.

11/06/2012

And I'm not talking about keeping up with the boys and all the housework...

and school, and work, and my blog.

I try really hard with all that too, but that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm telling you I try really hard to hate you.

Because I hate that you work ten times as much as you don't.

I hate that I have to sleep alone, more than half the month... every month.

And I hate that that means I have to wake up alone, more than half the month.. every month.

Because I hate that when you're running late or get caught up at work, you don't call or text.

I worry, you know. And I hate that when I finally call you, you act like it's no big deal.

Because I hate that you don't notice the little things like my new shirt or the way I extra super deep-cleaned the house.

Because I really do hate the way you think you know me so well. I hate when I'm excited to tell you something and you finish the sentence or story.

Because I hate your lack of planning. And I hate that even when there is a plan, you're always late so it never happens, unless of course it's your plans.

And Because I really really hate that no matter how hard I try, no matter what angry lunatic speeches I have planned for you, the second you walk in the door I fall in love all over again and it's as if nothing happened.. unti you're gone again.