Alternatives to threats (ages 2 to 4)

By
Dorothy Foltz-Gray

Last updated: June 2017

We've all been there: Your preschooler does something you don't want her to, over and over again. Finally, you snap, and threaten to lock her in her room if she does it again. Here are tips for saying something you won't regret later:

You want your child to:

Instead of this:

Say this:

Which is better because:

Go to bed and stay there

"If you get out of bed one more time, I'll scream."

"After I put you to bed, I expect you to stay there."

The expectation for the behavior is clear and unemotional.

Eat her peas and carrots

"You're going to sit at the table until you finish your peas."

"Remember – we won't have a snack before bed."

It reminds him that the kitchen's closed, but he can still choose whether or not to eat.

Brush her teeth

"No bedtime story if you don't brush your teeth."

"It's time for bed. What do you do first to get ready?"

It lets her know it's time for her bedtime routine without being punitive.

Behave in the grocery store

"Stop running now or no TV when we get home."

"Can you help me find the cereal you like?"

It distracts from the negative behavior and offers a positive alternative.

Ask without whining

"If you whine once more, I'll take your sticker book away."

"I'd like to listen, but I can only understand your normal voice."

It lets him know you're interested in what he's saying, but won't accept the tone.

Clean up her room

"No dinner until your room is clean."

"I'd like you to pick up your toys and put them in your toy chest. Do you want to do that before or after dinner?"

It makes your expectations clear, but also gives your preschooler a choice.

Stop tattling

"I'm not taking a tattletale to the playground."

"It sounds like you're upset with your sister. You need to tell her why."

It helps your preschooler understand that kids have to work it out together.

Be quiet in the car

"If you scream one more time, we'll turn around and go home."

"I'm having a hard time driving. I need to pull over until you're settled."

It lets your child know the effect, limits, and consequences of her behavior.

Dorothy Foltz-Gray is a freelance writer and mother of two in Knoxville, Tennessee.

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