Pumpkin Pie Soap

These pumpkin pie-shaped hand soaps are certainly pretty and definitely tempting to look at. In other words, it's a 50/50 shot that someone's spending Thanksgiving in the ER with a child who's just ingested a good helping of glycerin and shea butter.

Soapkitchen, Etsy

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Pilgrim Ken Thanksgiving Cards

Guess who's spending Turkey Day at the Barbie Dream House? Pilgrim Ken, that's who! He'll cruise over in his convertible, make a few inappropriate comments about Barbie's "breast meat," then sprawl across her couch to watch football with one hand shoved down his anatomically irrelevant crotch. (Kitchen-slave Barbie sold separately.)

Turkey Head for Pineapple

For the Don Ho Thanksgiving Luau party planner in all of us, there's this stuffed turkey head that you can pin to the bottom of a pineapple. And then spend the rest of the night explaining to your guests that no, it's not a peacock, and no, you're not a recently escaped mental patient.