3. She pats her pizza down with a napkin

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“What the hell? Are you using that napkin to… No… Please, no!”

We’ve seen a lot of crazy things in our day, but this is a sight that we hope you never have to witness. We applaud these women for doing the right thing and eating pizza, but why can’t they just eat the pizza? Little does she know she’s only saving about 40 calories per slice. Hardly worth the effort and disgusting mess of ratty napkins that she leaves in her wake. What’s worse, the pizza patter is very defensive. If you try reasoning with her, you’ll be left with a face full of greased-up napkins and surely no sex for the night. But do you really want to sleep with someone who’s also likely to make you “clean up” after sex?