Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring. In which case, you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought.

Kid: Mortal Kombat, on Sega Genesis, is the best video game ever.Billy Madison: I disagree, it's a very good game, but i think Donkey Kong is the best game ever.Kid: Donkey Kong sucks.Billy Madison: You know something? YOU SUCK!

Ellerby: [on Sullivan getting married] Marriage is an important part of getting ahead. It lets people know you're not a homo. A married guy seems more stable. People see the ring, they think, "At least somebody can stand the son of a bitch." Ladies see the ring, they know immediately that you must have some cash, and your cock must work.Colin Sullivan: [laughs nervously] Yeah, it's workin'. Overtime!

You need to find yourself a girl mate. Or perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you already found one, and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch are you?

Derek Zoolander: Oh, I thought you were going to tell me what a bad eugoogalizor I am.Matilda: What?Derek Zoolander: A eugoogalizor, one who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a eugoogoly was?