Presidential Predictions

Hi, Johnny here from the Weekend Edition, with a little blog for you because I don’t have enough time to make some audio but just about enough to give you a few lines.

This evening we’ll be finding out who the next president of the United States of America will be, but ever since that Octopus picked who was going to win the football the press has been obsessed with animals or things that can predict the outcome of something. Earlier today we tweeted that a Scottish Goat named Boots, that predicted Hillary Clinton would win. I’m sorry Trump, but this goat obviously hates you.

So this got me thinking about whether anything else has predicted who will be the elected tonight.

As mentioned before, this goat who is obviously totally connected with the modern world has predicted that Clinton will win. I’m not sure what makes this goat qualified enough, but I’m sure if this is correct it will get an honorary doctorate in politics from the University Of McSomewhere.

So this guy, Allan Lichtman has predicted the winner of every election since 1984. He’s given 13 reasons why Trump will win. I’d say this man was more qualified than a goat. Sorry Goat, but I think you’re a little less connected with reality too. So far it’s one-all.

Not the goat kind but the human kind. Kids cannot vote obviously, but they can vote for is who they would have voted for. According to Nickelodeon’s “Kids Pick The President” Initiative, 53% of kids picked Clinton, with Trump in second at 36% and 11% went with they guy who knows nothing about anything (and less in touch with reality than the goat) Gary Johnson. I’d say the kids will probably be the most accurate so far, and since 1988, they’ve only been wrong once. They thought John Kerry would win instead of Bush in 2004. Clinton 2 – 1.

CBS has reported that a monkey in China predicted that Donald Trump will win. No look animals, you need to get your shit together because one of you are wrong. at the moment this monkey has a rivalry with the goat now in a battle to the death. Two-all.

A fish named Chanakya has predicted a Trump win by swimming toward a floating picture of him… whether this is the case that fish think he looks more like food or whether they actually knew what was going on. The fish has form, correctly predicting that New Zealand would beat South Africa in the Cricket world cup, but it has also predicted wrong with some stuff too so don’t rely on this Fish. Sharks in the Atlantic have also predicted Trump. Trump 4, Clinton 2.

In a Russian Zoo, they put pumpkins in the Tiger cage and the Bear cage. A Polar Bear picked Trump, and a Tiger picked Clinton. We’re really putting up the animals in a battle. So far it’s a Goat, a Monkey, some Fish, a Polar bear and a Tiger in a cage match for the WWE heavyweight championship All we need now is a Wrestler. 5-3 to Trump

I could go on forever to be honest with you, to get animals to vote and think they are correct is probably the dumbest thing ever. Even Paul the octopus was wrong, and if he was that smart he’d have predicted his death. The media are so funny about these predictions. Anyone can predict, but there’s no magical forces at work. If that’s the case, my arse is magical, and I’m going to trust it to bet on Clinton winning.