and other facts we made up

Tag Archives: why people get married

We like to answer questions here at EGD. We enjoy a good challenge. (So long as the challenge is not too challenging.) And here’s a questions we get all the time:

If everyone gets divorced, why does anyone bother getting married?

Pessimists love this question. People mistake us for pessimists because of the name of this site. But we’re actually not pessimists at all. We’re just liars/bad at math. (We concluded that everyone gets divorced after knowing approximately 3 other people who got divorced.) We know that not EVERYONE gets divorced. It’s probably only, like, 97 percent of everyone. But the website is named as such and there’s nothing we can do about it now.

So why do people bother? Why does anyone get married these days? If it’s not going to last, what’s the point? Well, there are a lot of reasons that people claim to get married. Because your relationship is solid. Because you won’t be part of the statistic. Because you don’t BELIEVE in divorce. Because you’re in LOVE and you’re happy and hopeful and optimistic and sure and blah blah blah shouting it from the rooftops. It doesn’t matter. You know why? Because you don’t HAVE to have a good reason to get married. So what if it doesn’t last? Why do people bother getting married? Let me answer your question with a bunch of questions:

Why does anyone make their bed? (You’re just going to unmake it again.)

Why does anyone get a manicure? (If you’re like me, you will ruin it before exiting the salon.)

Why does anyone have a live Christmas tree? (It’s just going to lose its needles and die.)

Why does anyone have a live PET? (It’s also going to die.)

WHY DO WE EVEN BOTHER LIVING? (WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE.)

Feel better?

The thing is — nothing lasts forever. Unless you’re a vampire who never chips a nail. In which case, get out of here. No one asked you. What we’re saying is: people get married and people get manicures. We know they are not the same thing. (Manicures are even dumber than marriage.) But that doesn’t mean there’s no point to any of these things. (Except for making your bed – that’s always pointless.) Enjoy them while they last. Enjoy the hell out of them. And you never know. You might still be married 50 years from now, and maybe, just maybe, your stupid manicure will last more than 3 days.