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Thursday, June 26, 2014

So many thoughts

After being absent from my blog for a very longggg time, I've kinda of forgotten not only how to write but also how to design it. Oh well, practice makes perfect…again. Ive missed writing even though I'm certainly positive no ones listening, its nice to get your thoughts or interests out. Lately I've been feeling quite lonely like no one is REALLY there for me. Im always there for my friends, i have to close friends. One is always there for me which is why I've felt like i don't want to annoy her anymore with my problems on the other hand the other friend is never there for me. I'll get the occasionally ' I'm here for you' message but I've rather see action than words. I would drop anything to be there for my friends where as i don't get the same attention back. My sister who I'm super close with is away on holidays in Europe, lucky duck! So thats rules her out of the equation as well. However, I've found a new friend her names diary. Weird huh? Very! The other day i brought a really nice book with plain pages and started writing down day by day my thoughts, what happened, how I'm feeling etc,. This has helped me a lot! Ever felt like you're just building everything up inside waiting to explode? Well thats how i was feeling! Until i sat down and wrote down everything. I honestly feel like a massive weight has been lifted of my shoulders. Not only that but you always get to say WHATEVER you want to say without having someone sit there and judge you. Also i feel sometimes someones option or advice can be super over powering, but you don't have to worry about any of that. I always knew this 'friend' was never truly there for me, but when i made it quite clear i needed a friend at this certain time she was no where to be seen. It out rages me that someone could lie through there own teeth and see they'll be there for you. I have done everything to be there for her when she needs me, which is a lot of time. It can sometimes even became overwhelming for me. But when a friends in need you put ALL of your needs aside. But clearly we don't all think like this. She honestly does not deserve to even have me as a friend, if you all knew the past we had and what she has done to me. You all would be screaming whyyyyyyyyyy the hell are you friends with her? But to be honest i don't even know the answer myself.