An Anxious Mother Fluttering Through Life

Month: March 2017

As someone who has lived most of my life with body image issues, I’ve had a great few months living with a broken scale and not worrying too much about how much I’m working out and what I’m eating. Instead of working out four or five times a week, I’ve been okay with working out once or twice a week. Instead of swearing off take out and junk food, I’ve allowed myself a little more leeway.

Until today. Because today is the day that things changed. Today is the day that, since 8:45am, I’ve done nothing but think about how much I want to work out and what food I can have. Today is the day that I heard my first comment related to my body in a long time. Today is the day that a woman at work told me I should put some meat on my bones if I want to stay warm in this frigid weather, and thanks to that comment, I’ve done nothing but think about how I look and if I’m truly satisfied with my body. Today is the day that I took the dead battery out of my scale and put it on the table to remind myself to get a new one so that I can check my weight.read more

A few years ago, we had a family friend come visit from Israel. He is an excellent cook who wowed us every time with his ability to throw anything into the pot and create a masterpiece. One evening, he made a whole-fish mango curry and it was fabulous. I begged for the recipe and he kindly gave it to me, letting me know I can also make it with chicken. I couldn’t wait to recreate this meal for my husband and son.
Since I haven’t learned the arts of cooking a whole-fish, I’ve been making this meal using chicken and it is just as fabulous. Mango Curry Chicken is made anytime we manage to find good mangoes. Here it is, I hope you enjoy!read more

I’ve lived with depression and anxiety for over twenty years. Throughout that time, I’ve seen psychiatrists, psychologists, and social workers. I’ve been on and off medication, I’ve self medicated, and I attempted suicide three times in my teenage years.

I am still here, but I know mental illness is something I will deal with for the rest of my life.

Then, two years ago, I had my son — the most glorious time in a parent’s life — but it wasn’t glorious for me. I knew before my son was born there was a good chance I’d go through postpartum depression, but everything started out terribly: I had an awful pregnancy, I was ten days overdue, and eventually I had to have an emergency c-section.read more

While I was surfing Facebook last week, I came across an article on my newsfeed by Sanctimommy that was about a photographer refusing to document a woman’s birth because it was a C-section. It was captioned as: #tmw your #birthphotographer dumps you for having a csection. The photographer claimed that because she had a C-section, she did not actually give birth. The photographer claimed that because the woman “opted” for a C-section, she took the easy way out:

“A surgery isn’t birth, my dear. You aren’t giving birth.You are having a surgery to remove your baby from your abdomen. That is not birth no matter how youswing it and I for one don’t want to be there to take pictures of it.If you decide to give motherhood a go from the getand have an actual birth, let me know and we can schedule your session. Motherhood is hard, if I were you I would think twice about starting such a job by cutting corners so early in the game”read more

There was a time last year when my husband was gone during the week for work and was only home on weekends. I found dinners to be one of my biggest challenges as I was tired after working all day never felt like cooking when I got home. But not making dinner was not an option as I needed to feed my son. I wanted to make healthy meals that would carry us for a few days and give me a small break. Having recycled through most of my on-hand recipes, we needed a change. Out of frustration one night, I pulled out some chicken and whatever vegetables I had laying around in our refrigerator. I chopped everything up, pulled out some spices from the cupboard, and got to work. In no time at all, we had a delicious and healthy meal made with love and it is now a staple in our home.read more