Saturday, December 21, 2002

Here's my review of the latest "Lord of the Rings" movie:

Some hobbits walk, walk, walk, then they fall down. Then there's a flaming vagina which looms above the land in a VERY sinister way. Then there's a battle: flight, flight, fight. More walking--walk, walk, walk, fall down. Oh yeah, and a little troll. Walk with the little troll. More fighting. Way more fighting. (By this time your butt will hurt from sitting in a movie chair for two hours.) The flaming vagina seems angry. More walking, more fighting, more falling down. Liv Tyler. More fighting. The end.

The only thing I got out of this movie was that George W. Bush is a lot like Sarimon (sp?) And also that George Lucas is a ripoff artist.

Call the roller of big cigars,
The muscular one, and bid him whip
In kitchen cups concupiscent curds.
Let the wenches dawdle in such dress
As they are used to wear, and let the boys
Bring flowers in last month's newspapers.
Let be be finale of seem.
The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream.

Take from the dresser of deal,
Lacking the three glass knobs, that sheet
On which she embroidered fantails once
And spread it so as to cover her face.
If her horny feet protrude, they come
To show how cold she is, and dumb.
Let the lamp affix its beam.
The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream.