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So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away fron work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off!

__________________

“This be the realest shit I ever wrote.” ~Tupac
So very dead right now.. but still breathing thank you.

So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away fron work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off!

Lol, funny but the guys math is all messed up. He is considering days off as full days when he already started taking off individual hours.

Hm? Oh, was the x time per day (for lunch and stuff) multiplied by 365? I didn't actually try the math. If that's the case then that does kinda not make sense. But then again there's already the discrepancy between "working day" and literal 24-hour day, so...

And for the record, at least the girls = evil joke is logically correct.

For those that don't get this

Spoiler for Mario:

"One night, Mario and I went to a bar." says Princess Peach on an exclusive interview about Mario's addiction to mushrooms. "It was around 2:00 AM - Mario asked for a drink, but there was something strange about the bartender. He had a giant spiked-shell, horns and he spit fire. Anyway, he offered Mario a purple mushroom. 'Try it, it'll make ye feel like flying.' he said. After that night, Mario was never the same."

Mario had been secretly an addict for the past years, as revealed by some of his work partners.

"He locked himself in his room and started screaming something about a paper world and a giant mutant chameleon kidnapping people." -Said Yoshi, an intimate friend of Mario. Another one of the reports say that Mario believes he is getting something called "Points" every time he slaughters another koopa. Due to this, Mario continues to kill innocent people, spearing them, and eating them alive for "bonus points". Will the horror ever end?

"Mario is a fuckin' terror to us all!" says Ernie of Sesame Street. "He's screaming shit about Elmo getting a gun and trying to kill everyone with it. Now he's planning on coming down to Sesame Street and telling kids drugs are good, when they aren't!" Remember don't do drugs kids.

If this story doesn't make you cry from laughing so hard, let me know
and we'll send someone right over to check your pulse.
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for
years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of
farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water
and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off
because it was making her sick.
He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would
blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for
dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where
she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the
spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound
asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the
elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey
guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting
which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of
frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor
laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she
had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she
asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All
these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my
guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God,
some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

__________________

“This be the realest shit I ever wrote.” ~Tupac
So very dead right now.. but still breathing thank you.

Text reads:
I was watching inconvenient truth the other day and theres the bit where it shows the sea level rising really high and flooding most of the world. Well i live near the sea, and don’t want to drown, so i got to thinking. Maybe if we lower the sea level a bit, when the water level rises then it won’t rise high enough to flood.

Anyway, heres the plan. Everyone who can should take a bucket of sea water and pour it down the sink. If lots of people put the effort in, we could lower the sea level substantially and create a better world for our children to live