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Greetings, Los Santos, this is Wynter Summers reporting as the city erupts in chaos.

Rumors of financial collapse have reached a fever pitch and hit several communities around Los Santos hard. On Popular St., riots broke out amongst rush hour travelers that ended with the destruction of two transit authority buses. Seven were taken to local area hospitals to be treated for injuries and as many as fifteen are reported dead from the riots.

Horace Walker and Richard Woodson were witnesses.

Walker describes the scene: "Man, that sh*t was cray, you know what I'm saying? Blood everywhere, people just lost their minds. One blind dude was goin' on about how his pension was going to disappear. Said he had millions that were possibly on the verge of being vanished because of this money thing. He had some crazy idea about filling his garage with expensive cars to sell after this all ended. I told him, 'Yo, who's gonna have the money to buy them from you, fool?'

"That's when he shot himself in the head and the bus just went crazy. Grown men crying, I saw one woman just start stabbing people with a beer bottle and stealing their money. I didn't know we was in the bar car! Then the fire started... and the trampling. I grabbed some kid on the verge of being trampled and the blind dead dude's dog and ran like hell." Walker also happily mentioned that the dog is newly christened as "Riot".

Woodson could only add that he was covered with brain guts, "I held his head together in my hands... in my hands." Woodson then vomited.

As expected, there was also a buying craze on munitions at all local AmmuNation locations. One such event ended quite badly when a deranged woman crashed her car through the front doors and shoppers likened it to Black Friday.

For other perspectives, we reached out to some of Los Santos' more unfortunate citizens one of which had a more positive outlook about the financial situation. Christopher Minson laughed, "You think it can get any worse for me? Pretty soon I'll be the ones putting them in their places. Let them live in fear of me while they sleep under the bridges. They'll all soon be my bitches."

These men had no comment and one proceeded to eat his own excrement in front of this reporter.

Vice City residents Brad Collier and Michael Tiller are here on business. What business they wouldn't reveal, but they made their feelings clear. "It's Los Santos' problem. You had these assholes trying to cheat the system and now they cry foul over what they created." Tiller added, "Absolutely no sympathies."

In Vinewood, one resident, who asked to remain anonymous, had a scorched earth policy, torching both her and her friend's vehicles in a parking lot. When asked why, the woman shrugged and said, "It's a Vinewood thing. You wouldn't understand." Los Santos PD said that these weren't the first vehicles she had burned that day and she was suspected of inciting others to do the same in the downtown financial district.

A prostitute was found stabbed and shot to death on Shank St.

This reporter wanted to know where she got those awesome "f*ck me boots", but had no identification. The only clue to her identity was a tattoo at the base of her skull - in stunning calligraphy - "Property of Small Tank Slimness". This reporter tracked down Small Tank Slimness with surprising ease.

Getting a statement from Mr. Slimness would prove to be difficult. When asked about the dead woman across town, Mr. Slimness remained aloof, "Financial crisis or not, I get paid. I always get paid. Accidents happen to bitches. They may happen when bitches owe me money. An accident could happen to you, bitch." Mr. Slimness then became hostile, "Wait. Why am I talkin' to you, bitch? Do you owe me money? Well, now you do!"

These would be the last words of Small Tank Slimness as this reporter was suddenly backhanded by the pimp. This reporter has no comment as to what happened next and makes claim to having a "brain cloud".

This is Wynter Summers for Weazel Action News.

This weekend on Weazel Action News: With the financial meltdown evident, your Weazel Action News team prepares itself to confront the instability directly!