The future is now

On New Year's Eve, protesters carrying banners reading "No to 2007" and "Now is better" marched through the streets of Nantes, France, calling on the United Nations to stop the "mad race" of time and declare the indefinite suspension of the future. Then, when the bells sounded to mark the new year, they changed their chant to "No to 2008!"

-- ananova.com

The Daily DOOFUS

People keep getting stupider and stupider. It's true. Why, you can't even trust the newspaper anymore. They hire people who think "stupider" is a word! In fact, there are so many stupid people out there doing stupid things that we can't keep up with the stupid supply. Our warehouse is overflowing with the stories of the dumb. So, to make room for all the stupid people of 2007, we're going to unload our overstock on you. That's right, from now on, you're going to get a Daily Doofus in The Edge (or a nearly daily doofus) nearly every day! Ha-ha! They're your problem now, suckers!

Today's doofus: A 21-year-old Chicago woman had to be hos-pitalized for alcohol poisoning after "continually providing wrong answers" during a game of 2006 Current Events Trivial Pursuit where players had to drink when they got answers wrong. According to the police report, if a player gave an incorrect answer, that person had to take a shot of E&J Brandy and take a "hit" off a cannabis "blunt." Flurisha Cooper, who, according to the report, was the yellow piece, "continually provided wrong answers, resulting in intoxication."

-- Chicago Sun-Times

Poetry corner

"Once in the mall cafeteria
Santa gave me some deadly bacteria
Since I sat on his lap
I might take a dirt nap
Have my brain swell
and experience deliria."

-- comment on a news story about a shopping mall Santa Claus in Toledo, Ohio, testing positive for a bacteria that causes meningitis, from fark.com.