Conservatives will give Everyone Money, if Elected

The Conservative party kicked off this year's party conference in Blackpool with a staggering, 'elect us and we will make you rich' manifesto.

Amongst other promises made to an expectant party gathering were, a free bag of licorice allsorts for the under-twelves and the option to select the Spanish retirement home of your choice (for a small fee).

Shadow Chancellor, George Osborne stated "The British people have had their tax burden increase since Labour came to power and now the average Company Director pays more than twice what he claims he earns, in taxes. We will make taxes fairer by reducing them and giving you money. On top of this we're going to tax non-domiciled residents to buggery for their non-UK earnings thereby settling the immigration issue once and for all."

Labour sources challenged the Conservatives plans - stating that the sums just didn't add up and that the Tories could not continue to run the UK infrastructure for the NHS and State Education with tax plans as revealed.

The shadow chancellor responded, "The NHS and state education are burdens on the tax payer. We're going to give the public value for money by closing these has-been institutions down and giving people the freedom of choice. The choice being no health care, or paying for private treatment."

We spoke to someone in the street for his views. He told us "I may have no pension, won't be able to see a doctor if I'm sick and my children may not have an education, but you can't knock an extra twenty quid a week now can you,"

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