UnNews:US House of Representatives approves bail out bill, economic crisis over

This woman has just made $500.000 in profits at the stock market. She is pondering what the hell to do with the money

“In Russia you shut down the stock markets in the wake of a crisis. In US, Stock Market shut downs YOU!!”

~ American Reversal on Financial Crisis

WASHINGTON, D.C. The USHouse of Representatives approved a bill on the USD 700 billion bail out of US banks earlier today, rescuing us all from certain doom.

Yes, indeed, republicans and democrats finally managed to actually work together for once, taking America's dangerous financial position and completely turning it around. Using the incredible powers of teamwork, our mighty team of legislators and politicians managed to pull it all together when everything was on the table, instead of just sitting back and allowing the economy to completely tank without any help whatsoever.

After the unanimous consensus was reach, both presidential candidates invited the House to join them in a rousing chorus of Kumbayah (My Lord), celebrating their togetherness and ability to stop a massive point drop in the stock market. Holding hands, they sang together in a beautiful four-part harmony, sealing their position as America's team defenders.

In response, the economy has absolutely soared; consumer confidence has hit positive numbers again, stocks have gone up for all companies, and vital and endangered companies such as AIG have managed to redeem themselves. Yes, sir, it's a beautiful day for us Americans, to live in a country where the government is fully able to take care of itself.