I’d like to say something magnanimous about my competition, but come the hell on. Newt Gingrich looks like he’s wearing a bowl of boxed mashed potatoes on top of his fat watermelon face. Rick Perry parts his greasy mop in the middle, like a mental patient. Rick Santorum probably walks into his barber shop and says, “Give me the Bob Saget.” I could go on and on.

I was hoping that Romney's hair might have some insight into what is wrong with Michelle Bachmann's eyes, but it spent the whole piece discussing it's own perfection. Typical.

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