To Fall Out of Love, Do This (2015)

In Mandy Len Catron’s Modern Love essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” she refers to a study by the psychologist Arthur Aron (and others) that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions. The 36 questions in the study are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one.

—The Times.

The following questions are part of a follow-up study to see whether the intimacy between two committed partners can be broken down by forcing them to ask each other thirty-six questions no one in a relationship should actually ask.

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you like to punch in the face?

2. On average, how long do you spend composing tweets before you post them? Do you realize that they don’t matter?

3. Before responding to a text, do you wait a few minutes to make it seem like you’re doing something more important? Why? Answer me now.

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? Why do we always just go home and watch Netflix instead of doing any of that stuff?

7. So you want me to be the one who becomes a burden to our children and then dies alone?

8. Name three things you find irritating about your partner.

9. Why do we even have a dishwasher if you insist on thoroughly scrubbing the dishes before putting them in? O.K., fine, I’m adding your dishwasher issue to my list of irritating things, too. So there.

10. If you could change anything about your partner’s family, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. I already know that story. And I was there for that one. It didn’t happen like that.

12. Why did you send me a link to this Times article if you didn’t want us to go through the questions together?

Set II

13. Between you and your partner, who is the better gift-giver?

14. No, I did like that jacket, but I specifically asked for it, so it doesn’t really count as a gift that you thought of, and, you know, “it’s the thought that counts.”

15. Ha ha. Fine. You can be the better gift-giver. Happy? Next question.

16. What is your most treasured memory? I was there for that one. It definitely didn’t happen like that.