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Nota Bene

Our modern relationships have nothing to do anymore with the one our grandparents, or even our parents went through. Years of fights for equality have completely changed the relationships between men and women. Sometimes for the best, sometimes for the worst.
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Exploring the highs and lows of relationships

Too little, too late

Recently, one of the couples I know called it quits. They were married for almost 14 years now, but hit a rough patch three years ago when she got pregnant. The problem was that the child she gave birth to wasn’t his, and he learned the news only one year after their daughter was born. They were a strange couple, not living together during the week, only on week-ends. She was working in another town than their own during the week, and to avoid doing the travel back and forth, her sister had offered her the possibility to stay in her apartment located in the city where she worked. It was easy for her to have an affair going on during the week, far from her husband who had a hectic schedule at work, staying from 8 am to past 9 pm every day. And that’s what she did. The child she had with her lover wasn’t an accident of a one night stand, she was the result of a love story that started already several years ago.

When she learned she got pregnant, she should have known, or at least have a little doubt about who was the father. But for a reason, she didn’t have the guts to tell her husband she cheated on him and she carried the child of another man. As a result, he thought naturally he was the father of their daughter, recognized her at the city hall, and raised her as his kid. One year after, the biological father claimed his paternity over the child, and this is where things turned sour.

He was mad at her for not telling him the truth, and decided to split immediately. The problem was the child. At one year, she had already developed a strong bond with him, and as she grew old, the bond evolved into a natural father-daughter relationship. This situation was difficult, so mother and father of the child tried to rekindle their marriage, for the sake of their child. But the heart wasn’t there anymore. It’s difficult when you’ve been cheated on to forgive your partner, even if you pursue the same goal: make your child happy. I was invited once in their house for a dinner a few months after their reconciliation, and you could clearly see there was the Great Wall of China between the two. They used to laugh with each other and look at each other in a particular way before all of this happened, and now, this has completely faded away. It was no surprise when they announced to their friends and family they would divorce for good this time, because they haven’t resolve all their problems.

Yet, in the equation, there’s still the kid. I really feel sorry for her, she’s so little, and yet, she will have to face the divorce of her parents. At three years old, she doesn’t understand well all of this, and her mother will have to explain to her that they won’t see her daddy anymore, because he’s not really her daddy. This is tough.

This leaves an important question, if you cheat on your partner, would you tell him/her? And is it important to tell about it as soon as possible?

It does take a lot of courage to tell the truth, WishBoNe. Yet, when you’re having a child, you’re not alone anymore in your decision.
Of course, if you stay true to your partner, you won’t have to deal with such a painful situation. But sometimes, feelings are hard to control…

I’m afraid there will be more than three adults involved in this sad story. Both of the two parents have already found someone new that would inevitably deal with this. Love rears its ugly head, WIGSF.

I don’t believe in cheating, and think that if you have the urge to cheat you should tell your partner before you actually do it, however if I did I believe telling them is the best thing to do and it would do it as soon as possible! Great post brings up a lot of questions and thoughts about infidelity, which I often think about. Thank you for writing it!