To Those Unhappy with a President Trump: Welcome to Canada!

Canada would like to extend an extra-special welcome to the ethnic, religious, and other groups that President Trump has advocated deporting from the United States: Muslims, Mexicans, black people and even those who look like Muslims.

Canada has so many amenities to offer. Please consider our free health care! Though we must admit that a proposed President Trump advocates sweeping Obama Care revisions which sound appealing, Canada offers all of the usual vaccines which Trump plans to ban.

President Trump once used American tax dollars to send five thousand pizzas to our Parliament Hill. In fact, eight per cent of American taxes are now allotted for “international pranks on huge haters.”

Feel free to tease your new Canadian brothers. We can laugh at ourselves! Trump once called our maple leaf a “gay oak leaf.” He called French “gay English.” He called Canada “gay France, which is saying something, because France itself is very gay.”

Once you get settled in your new country, we think you will find that Canada is not the backwoods place Americans sometimes make it out to be. We have many modern conveniences, like paint, and milk! We are so friendly we barely need locks on our doors. The locks are mainly to prevent our neighbors from coming over and doing chores for us overnight night. Sometimes it becomes a pain when you cannot find things in the morning where you left them.

Canada uses the metric system, so there are a few conversions you should memorize, such as one pound equals 0.45 kilograms. And yes, we are fine with math here, which Trump calls “gay reading.”

And, we have a beautiful national anthem. We are so excited you’re here! If you need anything, don’t hesitate to shout. Which of course, in Canada means inquire at a reasonable, considerate volume before we turn off the lights at 22:00.

Interested employers: Kindly contact us here to receive further information.

Interested candidates: Find out whether you qualify to Canada by completing our free on-line evaluation. We will provide you with our evaluation within 1-2 business days.