kimberly at home

Tag Archives: Loving Day

When Naoto and I got married we wanted to incorporate a Japanese tradition into our ceremony. We were married at Unity Temple, so we had a lot of freedom to create a ceremony that suited our beliefs and desires. Naoto suggested the san san kudo ceremony as an option.

San san kudo (translated: three, three, nine times) dates back to the 1600s and is a binding ritual of sharing sake. During the ceremony, the sake is served from a special set of three cups symbolizing heaven, earth and humankind. The bride and the groom each take three sips from each of the three cups, making nine sips total. Nine is an especially lucky number in Japan. For our ceremony, Naoto’s sister Hisae poured and served the sake. Our set was a gift from Naoto’s mother, who also included a jar of sake for us. This sake was horrible!!! My three sips were not sips, instead I briefly touched the sake to my lips, hoping I wouldn’t taste anything. Naoto polished off the rest of the cup for me during his turn. (Thanks to our marriage vows, I can always count on Naoto to finish any sort of food or beverage!) Little did I know at the time, but the sake isn’t supposed to be delicious–just like all moments of marriage are not perfect, the terrible sake is supposed to remind us that we are bonded in marriage through the good times and bad (or the good cocktails and bad?) But the taste of the sake didn’t matter–we loved taking part in this small ceremony and having Hisae play a part in our wedding!

Now we keep our san san kudo set on the sideboard in the dining room as a little reminder of our wedding day.

This was the last (& slightly delayed) post in my series celebrating Loving Day.

In 2007 Naoto & I did an interview for the Chicago Tribune. The article was written to celebrate the fortieth anniversary of Loving v. Virginia, the Supreme Court decision that invalidated any state laws that outlawed marriage between interracial couples. Our friend Erica worked for the Tribune and when one of the reporters mentioned that she was seeking out interracial couples, Erica gave her our number. The reporter came to our home one night and sat in our living room and asked us a bunch of questions about our marriage, how our families responded to our relationship, how others responded to our relationship and how we felt about the fact that our marriage would have been illegal forty years before. A few nights later a photographer came to our home to take pictures of us (and Presley). We also took a little walk downtown Oak Park with him so he could get outside shots. I wish I could have seen all of those pictures because we had a great time…but it is no secret that I was thrilled to see my little Presley in the paper! (Can you tell that she reeeeally didn’t want to be held?) You can read the article in full here. (Please note: we over-used the word “like” in the interview. Also, yes, that was my hair.)

To be honest, before we did the interview, Naoto and I had no idea about the Lovings or Loving v Virginia. We knew interracial marriage was not a common thing, especially between an Asian man and a white woman (from an all-white farm town nonetheless), but we lived in such a progressive community, we never gave it much thought.

Sure, there have been occasional head-turns over the years.

Sure, there have been people who’ve asked me “what” Naoto is and people who have refused to learn his name because it’s different. (“Can I just call him Bob?”)

Sure, there was that guy at Trader Joe’s who said, incredulously, “Yoooouuuu’re Naoto’s wife???”

But, for the most part, because of friends we surround ourselves with and the community we live in, we are insulated from the interracial marriage “haters”. It isn’t until things blow up like a Cheerios commercial that we realize how important Loving Day is.

For us, Loving Day is just another day for us to celebrate what we are: just a couple of people who happened to meet at the right place in the right time who happened to be from two different continents, two different races and two different nationalities. And, as we celebrate forty-six years of legal interracial marriage, it’s hard not to think about Loving Day’s relevance in today’s fight for gay marriage. In 2007, Mildred Loving issued this statement regarding Loving Day and its relationship to our modern-day fight for marriage rights:

“I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry… I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard’s and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight, seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all. That’s what Loving, and loving, are all about.”

The night that Naoto and I met (a story for another time) the one big conversation catalyst was my job at a Japanese company. Because our offices interacted so often with Japanese colleagues, part of my training involved Japanese business culture. And, because I grew up in a town that was 99.9% white and was never a Japanophile before I started working there, I found this training so fascinating. As it turned out, part of Naoto’s job at that time was to deliver Japanese business culture trainings to doctors who would be traveling to Japan for conferences. Naoto and I had a great conversation comparing notes and stories of accidental rudeness. We laughed as we presented our business cards to each other that night. We followed the strictest Japanese protocol in the middle of that coffee shop, all while snickering at the bows and the close inspection of each other’s cards. (Okay, we weren’t really following strict Japanese protocol…)

The exchange of business cards (meishi) in corporate Japan is a huge deal. It is almost ceremonial and it is filled with all sorts of social nuances. These are the basic “rules”:

Business cards are exchanged right after introductions, often in order of “rank” with the most highly ranked associate presenting his/her card last.

Cards are presented with two hands and with the information facing the recipient.

Upon receiving a card, you should take the time to read it carefully.

When you are done reading the card, you should place it carefully in a business card holder. (Don’t just shove it in your pocket or purse.)

If you receive cards during a meeting, you can leave them on the table as the meeting is conducted, but remember to carefully pick up each one at the end of the meeting and place them in your business card holder.

Never write on, fold or damage anyone’s business card in from of him/her. Business cards are seen as an extension of the person.

Never present a damaged card to someone. Again, the card is an extension of yourself.

Always carry plenty of cards. It would be rude to be caught without one.

Have a business card holder. (And probably one that’s a little more professional than my old Chococat one!)

I have never missed working in corporate America, but I do miss the exchange of the business card since I do not often have the opportunity to exchange cards in person very often these days. I should make a point to get them out more often and practice my meishi exchange.

This week, I am sharing some little aspects of our multi-cultural marriage in celebration of Loving Day on Wednesday.

During the summer, Naoto & I like to eat simple cold dishes that we can enjoy on the balcony. Last summer I shared two dishes, but hopefully this summer, I will be able to share more. We are looking forward to eating our own community garden grown vegetables.

This somen dish is an old favorite. I had it for the first time at Naoto’s host parents’ home in Hawaii. Auntie Judy, Naoto’s host mom, made it for lunch and I found it so refreshing and tasty. There are many variations of somen dishes, but this one is probably a slightly Americanized Hawaiian version of the Japanese dish. Oh, and I shared this recipe back in 2011 on my old blog, so Mom, it might look familiar.

Bring 4 cups of water to a boil and drop in one bunch of somen noodles per person. (Somen typically comes in little paper-bundled bunches.) Boil for 2-3 minutes, or until noodles are soft. They cook very quickly! Drain, and rinse with cold water.

Place a serving of noodles in a bowl. Add some broth (not too much, this isn’t a soup!) and the toppings of your choice. Squeeze on some wasabi and mix well. (Mix well enough that you don’t get accidentally eat a hunk of wasabi…although I kind of like the suspense of knowing my sinuses might be cleared out at least once in a bowl of somen!)

We almost always just use turkey, cucumber, scallions and wasabi because those things are always on hand and readily available for somen cravings. I like mine with extra wasabi and I always eat mine out of my Hello Kitty bowl with Cinamaroll chopsticks…because it’s tradition.

This week, I will be sharing some little aspects of our multi-cultural marriage in celebration of Loving Day on Wednesday. Somen is one of the first Japanese dishes that made it into our regular dinner routine back when we were dating.