To which we can only respond to the man who raped his daughter more than 3,000 times, imprisoned her and their children in a bunker and incinerated another, "that word does not mean what you think it means."

In his first time speaking to the press, Josef Fritzl shocked no one by being completely delusional: declaring that he hoped to get out alive; that he'd like to be able to "look after" his "loyal" wife; and that he believes Two and a Half Men to be a good show. Of that appalling Charlie Sheen vehicle, Fritzl said, "The small boy reminds me of my son," although it was unclear whether he was referring to the son who lived his life out in the bunker, or one of the children Fritzl passed off as a grandchild and raised above-ground.

Mostjaw-dropping of all? This statement: "Being dead sad all the time destroys the soul." Being your father's sex slave isn't so great for it either.