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It hits every year, the nausea when the Inlander publishes its Best of… results. And of course the readers have done it again, exactly what was expected of them, throwing votes around like a blind zebra on crack-cocaine. No, really. They’ve outdone themselves this time, and the Best of Food section is about as disturbing as a golden-era Stephen King novel.

Of course they’re all in there: Azteca and Casa de Oro trumps De Leon for best Mexican food. Hey, if voting for Old El Paso taco shells from Safeway’s had been an option, it could have been a contender. Papa Murphy’s fought its way into the top three as best pizza. And of course, for ambiance, dessert, and—what? the? hell?—fine dining there is only one option: Clinkerdagger! I mean, seriously, what the hell? Clinkerdagger?! Of course, the McDonald’s of fine dining was almost edged out by the Burger King of sea food, Anthony’s.

What’s wrong with people?

Maybe if they stopped filling themselves with Starbucks—you know, best espresso shop and drive through espresso—they’d see the light. Starbucks?! Granted, Thomas Hammer placed #3, but #2, Rocket Bakery, wouldn’t know a good espresso drink if it hit them over the head.

Best burger? Red Robin. What? This makes me physically ill.

As we tweeted earlier, neither Sante, Latah Bistro, nor Luna were anywhere to be seen in the “Best” of… This is a crime. I mean, it literally should be. Go dine at one of those places this week. In fact, don’t stop there. Get an espresso from Coffee Social. Grab some bread from Petite Chat. Try to set yourself apart from whoever managed to get Outback-are-you-kidding-me-Steakhouse on the list.

Because this is seriously depressing. I had hoped Spokane had moved away from restaurants providing anything from dull to disgusting food.