Welcome to your first date with a vampire, a fun new Thursday feature every 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month.

In Date With A Vampire, I make recommendations on vampire themed books and movies I find amusing, along with my suggestions for thirst quenchers and nibbles to enjoy on your “date.” The theme for April is funny. Keep reading to learn more about our first bachelor with bite: Fred!

Full name: Fredrick Frankford Fletcher

(“Yes,” Fred says, “that name did get me beaten up quite frequently when I was a child.”)

Occupation: Accountant

Hobbies: Watching vampire movies

Favorite Eats & Drinks, Aside From Blood: Merlot and Cheese

The Book: The Utterly Uninteresting & Unadventurous Tales of Fred, The Vampire Accountant by Drew Hayes

Looking for a little tax time relief? Fred’s offbeat humor had me at first sight – the cover! One look at that sucker and I knew I was in for a good time.

Fred is funny without intending to be funny, which makes him even funnier. (Don’t you just love an undead man with a sense of irony?)

Although Fred prefers to stay in, he decided to step outside his comfort zone by attending his 10 year high school reunion, held around Halloween. It kicked off with a costume party, thankfully after sunset. Freddy dressed up as a doctor. If you’re wondering why he didn’t done a black cape and come as a vampire, Fred explains it best. “The point of a Halloween costume is to be something you are not.” Since Fred’s a vampire, that would have been cheating and Fred doesn’t cheat. He’s a hardworking, honest man. They don’t unmake them like that anymore.

Fred wasn’t one for mingling, way fine by me. We hit up the refreshment table and sipped on “the poorly flavored sugar water they had the gall to call punch.” (I told you to sneak in your blood flask, Fred.)

We were about to bag the whole thing when the lights suddenly went out and we heard screams. I’ll stop there. I have no intention of spoiling date night should you make the wise decision to give Fred a call.

If you appreciate oddball humor you’ll have a great time with Fred! I’ve already agreed to a second date with book two, Undeath & Taxes.