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Tuesday, March 12, 2013

I "Remember When"...

Hey Everyone,

Today's been kind of a rough day. I know my las two posts have been rather cheerful about everything I'm dealing with right now, but I thought it might be time to let some more feelings out. Avril Lavigne is another favorite artist of mine. She is a Canadian singer who released her first album, "Let Go" at 17. She's had 6 number 1 singles so far in her career, the first of these being "Complicated".
Her latest album, "Goodbye Lullabye" came out on March 8, 2011. This song, "Remember When" is from this album. It's really a beautiful song, though it is very sad. For Avril, this album was all about sitting down and writing about how she actually felt at the time, lyrics with meaning, rather than the fun and poppy songs she usually wrote. These were going back to her days of acoustic and older music style. It was a completely different experience for her.
Now, as usual, for my lyric analysis. Click here to go to the lyrics. The first verse in itself is very emotional. During this relationship, she was probably going through a lot and spilled her guts to this person because she loved him. And she wanted to be with him always and she never once thought that he would ever be missing from her life. And she finds herself caught off guard by it. It's a very vulnerable state. In the chorus, she says she hasn't forgotten her feelings for him. They were feelings so strong that she cannot get rid of them. She cannot let go of the memories or shove them into the "bottom drawer". And there is a sense of emtiness there. A feeling of loss and grief. And she can't let go of any of it because it's all she has left, but because of all of the pain, she won't let herself go back. She can't. Even if he asked, after all he has put her through, she doesn't think that she could go back to him. Not only that, but she probably isn't "coming back around" because there's nothing left for her there. In the second verse, she is talking to this person. How she remembers that they had planned to always be together. And now that she's without him, she's lost. She doesn't know what to do, what to think, where to begin to heal, where to start over. The next two lines here have always confused me a bit. Of course, her crying is self explanatory, though I'm sure she cried more than a little bit. But this death of him that she speaks of is confusing. It could be that he "died", leaving her life. Or it could mean that he died, as in he was hurt by this too. And she's probably wondering if he remembers as much as she does or if those memories are anywhere near as important to him as they are to her. And the one thing she wants to know from him as that he doesn't regret being with her, that he doesn't regret those memories. And she wants to know that he won't forget her, even if he abandons her. And she doesn't want him to forget because she has not forgotten yet. She doesn't want him to forget how he felt about her when she can't let go of how she feels about him. And yet someday she knows she will. She just can't yet.
Letting go is always the hardest part. Letting go of the memories, good and bad. Letting go of everything he said, everythig he did, his laugh, his eyes...everything. Once a relationship ends, it never ends cleanly. One person is always left in the dust. One person is always sitting there reminiscing and wishing for a resolution and a end to the heartache while the other is perfectly fine. One person cannot let go...at least not for a while. But that's something we all have to do at some point- let go. Sometimes there is no point in holding on because there is nothing left to go back to, but we tend to hold on anyway. I feel that there is always a sense of hope for a reunion that often never comes. And when we realize it will never come, that is the time we must let go. But for right now, if you are experiencing this, as I am, just hold on. Maybe don't hold onto the hope that he will come back, but hold on to the memories. Hold on to all of the beautiful, wonderful times with him. And in time, learn to let go little by little. You will appreciate the memories someday and someday you won't be hurt anymore by them either and you can just recognize them as beautiful. But for now, even if it hurts, hold on and learn to let go. Because someday, no matter how hard it is to grasp right now, you WILL let go and you WILL move on.