Broken but not defeated..Life under construction, thank you for your patience :)

Month: April 2015

Recently I posted a photo on a social networking site & got an impressive response (surprised!). Many of the positive comments we about my toothy smile. This got me thinking whether smiling for a camera is kind of a reflexive action for me. Just like how you close your eyes when you sneeze or cover your mouth when you cough. You spot a camera & you smile. Many times I go on to realise that I’m not even in the frame while I try to flash my best smile.

Why this obsession? I believe it’s a girl thing. I had an evening out last weekend with my 3 year old friend (actually very good friends’ daughter). Even at that age she knew how to perfectly pose for pictures. The smile & poses came so naturally that she could very well be a model. In contrast, my son has never stood still for a click even as he is about to turn 10 this year! There is this urgency to see the outcome. So before the camera can go ‘click’, he runs across to me, to see the picture, which usually is just a blur..

Another thing that I then noticed are the different types of smiles that people have.. I tend to flash my entire set every time, all the time. There is no other way for me. But then there are other types too, like, a no smile can actually be an internal smile that has not come onto the lips & remains in the eyes. A reluctant smile that only shows on the lips but not in the eyes. Then there is this side grin that seems to say, I know what you are up to (you know, the one with the arched eyebrows).. There is another closed full smile with no teeth showing… As if the entire set will fall off if displayed 🙂

He is a child who is unable to express himself clearly. So when he wails, ’why did you make me a hummus sandwich’ something he otherwise loves, he actually wants to tell me that he is upset that he cannot play with his friends because he is just recovering from a mild throat infection. It takes a mothers keen sense of observation & understanding to get that.

Yesterday, when he got home incomplete maths books with several notes from the teacher, I was very upset. Upset that he doesn’t like maths, a subject that wont leave his side for another 7 years atleast. Worried about how he will cope up for that long as good marks mean a lot. Anxious, to get my point of view across, I did the prohibited.. I told him that his access to the ipad will be denied until the time he completes his notes. I didn’t really mean it, just wanted him to understand.

I found out that he does not understand the system of punishment when he was just about 3 years old. There is no particular incident, but an observation over a period that drew me to the conclusion that punishing him never got me the desired output. As a mother I decided never to try it on him. But sometimes I completely run out of ideas on how to explain something to him. So here I was today convincing him to go to school in the morning & still didn’t get any maths done just because of the little threat I had given him last evening. Reminder to myself to follow the carrot & only carrot approach, surely no stick!

Being a very talkative person, I always have something to say about everything. All this blogging is a new generation development & although I am not very old, I was still to jump into the temptation. I notice a lot of things around me and enjoy putting them in words, hence I had been maintaining a diary for a very long time. But the problem with a diary is that you don’t share it with the world to read. Over the years, the idea of having my own blog spot appealed to me & yesterday, I finally decided to make a start. I had decided to stay anonymous in this blogger world & hence my journey to find myself a suitable name began.

It is during this process that I came across the name ‘Isra’ that means freedom. I loved the sound of the name & also what it meant. Nothing defines me better than this. Now to this world of writers & readers, I will be known as Isra, the one who is free. Free from being judged, free in all thoughts and actions. This is a Turkish name & I am of Indian origin. To me this name also represents beauty, independence & confidence.

I am still very new here & don’t know how to get my blog noticed. Having someone to read & comment will be highly motivating. However I do feel the need to put my thoughts down more for myself than any other reason. So here I am world, Isra has arrived 🙂