Ruth Butler: Improving our lives isn't about doing things 'right'

One of the best laughs I’ve had in a long time came courtesy of a tale about a kitchen appliance.

See, there’s this refrigerator. Its owner empties the shelves and cleans the inside with a quarter-cup of baking soda dissolved in a quart of warm water, them sprays it all with a bleach solution and lets it air-dry. Removes the drawers, cleans under them, wipes all jars before putting them back, then vacuums the coils in the back.

And here comes the punch line: Every three to six months!

Ha-ha-ha-ha-HA! And I thought Jim Gaffigan was the funniest comedian on the planet.

There are two ways you can approach life: the way you should and the way people really do. Experts can advise on when to toss leftovers, for example, or condiments. As if my way — if it’s not bloated, groaning or furry, it stays — isn’t an effective time-saver.

Letting food ‘mature’

I’ve had too many times when I’ve needed a tablespoon of something, right now, and used that “mature” ingredient. So far, we’ve all lived.

I do discover things that are far past edibility. Yogurt from months ago, say. But it’s already bacteria, so how do you know really? We pay good money for foods with preservatives, so preserve already!

These helpful hints are all part of a variety of ways we can live perfect lives. Helpful advice from those who know more than we do and have the time to concoct lists of “10 Things to (fill in the blank)” that make them feel superior to the rest of us.

Want to live a long time? How about 50 things you can do in 10 minutes or less: 15 sit-ups, jogging in place for nine minutes and doing five push-ups during TV commercials. Thank you, dumblittleman.com, for reminding me to ask for salad dressing on the side and to use canvas tote bags for groceries.

I’ve done that last one for some time, earth-friendly and all. But beware: better launder them between shopping trips. Plastic and paper never required this. It’s not that tough, but is an additional washer load really environmentally friendly?

Hanging sheets outside?

While we’re on laundry, spring’s here and many of us relish the idea of hanging clothes outside to dry in the sunny breeze. Ah, the freshness.

Except: Some are advising this is a bad idea because of how pollen can stick to bed sheets. So the choice: fresh, life-affirming scent, sneezing all night long.

This may be a serious issue for some. Our family, indeed, has grappled with allergies. But is this just an old wives’ tale? (In fact, this was told to me by my mother, an octogenarian married in 1947. So, I guess, yes it is.)

Not to get all John Tesh-y, but there are some good points to all this life-improvement advice. Want to be healthy? Get fresh air and sun each day. Avoid people who talk about illness. Choose to be happy and positive. Accept yourself and your shortcomings. Someone has to, after all.

Oh, and a couple of tennis balls in the dryer can reduce drying time by 25-50 percent. Up next: 10 Quick & Easy Headache Remedies.