It’s that time of year again. The commercials on TV and the internet remind us all that winter is here, the time for togetherness is at hand, while our bank accounts are in need of draining, in hopes of proving our dedication to friends, family, and loved-ones by buying them all kinds of fluttery gifts and presents, all the while working overtime to make our car payments and rent. Commercial America really has it’s vice grips on all of us. But that’s no reason I can’t pause for a moment to make this wish list; a list of all the things I want this year for Christmas. T’is the season!

My list is going to differ from the next guy’s, but I feel like all of these things can be had, and I don’t see any reason not to ask Santa for them this year. I’ve been good, and I’ve done without the last few years. Let’s fact it, I need a good Christmas this time around. It’s not too much to ask for. So gimme. Now.

My Christmas Wishlist for 2013.

1. A New Car

I’m going to start here. It seems logical. My clutch is going out in my ‘03 Civic, my radio is busted, and my heat only works half of the time. The tires are awful, and my 17” rims no longer have a home, because I chose not to replace the low-profile tires that came with the car, when I first bought it. How am I supposed to take a girl out in this whip? I need an upgrade.

2. A New Computer

Another logical request. My current MacBook Pro was first purchased in 2007, by it’s previous owner, and I was able to buy it, used, for $700 in 2010. All of my client artwork has been created and stored here. If it crashes (again), I’m probably going to be screwed. Someone please send me a new one. Thanks!

3. A Cincinnati Bengals Playoff Win

The last time the Bengals won a playoff game, I was 8 years old, and probably cared more about Hulk Hogan’s feud with Sgt. Slaughter. Since then, Bengals fans everywhere have had to endure loss after loss, each year, and it kind of hurts. I’m just saying, we really need a win. It would be nice to have something to look forward to other than rooting against the Steelers or Ravens.

4. To Lose This Belly Pooch

I began running over the summer, and have been able to lose 22 pounds, all the while, keeping the weight off and making health-conscious decisions along the way. But for the love, I cannot seem to lose this little beer belly. Every time I try doing sit-ups and crunches, I seem to pull muscles in my neck. I’m not doing it right. Maybe I’ll join a gym in 2014? Blah. Go away belly fat.

5. A Guns N’ Roses Reunion

This is the last time I’m asking, Axl. “Chinese Democracy” has come and gone, and we’re tired of all of these re-incarnated versions on both sides of your feud with Slash. Just do it already. Or don’t. I almost don’t care anymore.

6. Skyline Chili

I don’t necessarily need this. On second thought, yes I do. Just the thought of cheese coneys makes this a must-add to the list. If you live in Cincinnati, you understand this very basic need.

7. A New Job

This one should probably be higher on the list. I’ve exhausted myself over the last few years with constant freelance design work, and the overwhelming job searches in several cities. Hours and hours and hours of my life have been consumed by this. I feel like the Deskey’s, Landor’s, and LPK’s of Cincinnati just hate me. That, or we haven’t been properly introduced. Just hire me, already.

8. Notre Dame Football Tickets.

I want to go to South Bend. I need to go to South Bend. I’ve been a huge fan of the Fighting Irish since I was 10 years old, and have never attended a game. I feel like this is going to be a thing of major importance in my pursuit of happiness for 2014. It’s hard to travel 6 hours to attend a college football game, when nobody else roots for the team you love. The troubles of being a Notre Dame fan…

9. More Road Trips.

In 2013, I traveled a lot. I visited New York City twice, Boston, and New Orleans for the third time. I also lived in Louisville the entire summer. It makes sense that I’m seeking outward for joys and life experience. So, let’s make this happen more in 2014!

10. A Meaningful Relationship

Okay, this is the last one. And it may seem a little ridiculous to ask for, but this is my list. After all, it’s not like you can just go buying people’s love and affection with material gifts and empty promises, right? Right?

I think it would be nice to go to work, come home, do what I need to do, hang out with friends, and still have that go-to person to call and hang out with. Going to dinner-parties and meet-ups sometimes feels awkward when you’re the only one stag. “Coffee dates” can turn old, and Friday Night movie night is sounding so much better than Friday Night Blackout night at the bar. Can I get one of these, already?