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People who claim to know jackrabbits will tell you they are primarily motivated by Fear, Stupidity and Craziness. But I have spent enough time in jackrabbit country to know that most of them lead pretty dull lives; they are bored with their daily routines: eat, fuck, sleep, hop around a bush now and then...

In what can only be described as a surprise move, God has officially announced His candidacy for the U.S. presidency. During His press conference today, the first in over 4000 years, He is quoted as saying, "I think I have a chance for the White House if I can just get my campaign pulled together in time. I'd like to get this country turned around; I mean REALLY turned around! Let's put Florida up north for awhile, and let's get rid of all those annoying mountains and rivers. I never could stand them!"

But among the children of the Great Society there were those whose skins were black. And lo! Their portion was niggardly, and of the fatted calf they were sucking hind teat...
Now it came to pass that a prophet rose up amongst them, and they called him King. And he went unto Pharaoh and said, "Let my people go to the front of the bus."
But Pharaoh answered: "In the fullness of time and with all deliberate speed shall this thing come to pass. When ye shall prove yourselves worthy, shall ye have your just portion -- yea, verily, like unto a snowball in Hell."

"Here's the holiday schedule for Monday's observation of Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday, when the following will be closed:
* Governmental offices
* Post offices
* Libraries
* Schools
* Banks
* Parts of Palm Beach
and the mind of Senator Jesse Helms of North Carolina."

Here is the problem: for many years, the Supreme Court wrestled with the issue of pornography, until finally Associate Justice John Paul Stevens came up with the famous quotation about how he couldn't define pornography, but he knew it when he saw it. So for a while, the court's policy was to have all the suspected pornography trucked to Justice Stevens' house, where he would look it over. "Nope, this isn't it," he'd say.

GOD is applied POWER
which is applied GOVERNMENT
which is applied POLITICS
which is applied ADVERTISING
which is applied SOCIOLOGY
which is applied PSYCHOLOGY
which is applied BIOLOGY
which is applied CHEMISTRY
which is applied PHYSICS
which is applied MATH
which is applied PHILOSOPHY
which is applied BULLSHIT