What I Do During A Blizzard

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

We are headed for a record-setting winter snowfall season along the coast of Michigan: Already nearing 100 inches of snow. Breaking records that began in the 1800s.

100 inches.

Think about that for a while.

And we still have Feb. and March to go.

It has been snowing nonstop for about three days now ... it doesn't really snow, that's not accurate. It vomits snow. Two or three inches an hour. I signed over my IRA to the plow guy just so we can get in and out to buy milk and vodka and sleeves of cookie dough. I'm headed for a colostomy bag, at this rate.

I took a photo of the snow falling outside my window, and was going to post it here, but it was just a blur of reflected white. Hold a piece of computer paper in front of your face ... same effect.

The snow has been good, though: It's forced me to write nonstop, without breaks, and my fourth memoir, tentatively titled: "Happy Hellidays: One Family's Insane Celebrations from Valentine's to Christmas" is coming along well.

The snow has also made me thank God we joined Netflix. I have watched every episode of Entourage, which is truly fabulous, along we just finished "Away from Her," with Julie Christie. She (and the movie) are so fiercely strong and real, that is simply heartbreaking. She is unforgettable in a role that too many actors reduce to melodramatic pablum.

I cannot stop watching House Hunters, either. But I am finding that I now watch it more out of spite than genuine interest. I am amazed at the number of people who need spare rooms for scrapbooking, or who find walls with color "shocking," or haven't found the time to pull up the eggplant-colored carpet or plant one damn bush in their treeless backyard. Still, I love to ring the doorbell and say to our dogs, "Hi! I'm Suzanne Whang."

And thank God that Bruno/Carrie Ann thing is over: It must have been a challenge to find people that couldn't sing or dance. What was that?

American Idol ... can't wait to vote along with the 12-year-old girls.

Oscars ... thank the Lord the writer's strike was settled, or I would've had to dress the dogs up in outfits and make them walk on this long red towel we have so I could recreate the red carpet.

In coming weeks, I will post a hilarious video of me trying to embrace the snow by learning to cross-country; announce news regarding my upcoming memoir; and possibly walk nude into a snowdrift to end my winter misery.