The Weirdest Porn Ever

Yeah, I wasn’t expecting to type ‘Weird Medieval Church Porn’ any more than you were expecting to read it. Here’s a slice of history at its weirdest.

What were these figurines trying to tell 12th century Irish Christians? Well, that’s anyone’s guess too really. But they were probably there to warn the unwashed illiterates about the evil of the loins, so they were quite often accompanied by scenes of hell and demons and that type of imagery.

The may have also been thought to protect the buildings from evil spirits. The sheela na gigare most regularly found over doors and windows, so they could, quite possibly, have been installed as protectors.

There is some folkloric evidence of women lifting their skirts and exposing their bits and bobs to scare off demons, like in the picture below. They certainly were weird back then weren’t they? Behaviour like that is likely to have the opposite effect on modern males, it really sends out the wrong signals. Apparently skirt lifting is still a common way of greeting passers by in Sunderland. I jest of course.

These sheela na gig aren’t just confined to British shores, they’re also found in the Czech Republic, France, Norway, Slovakia, Spain and Switzerland.

Some pretty similar statues, although clearly not related are found in the Palauan archipelago far out in Micronesia. Their pervy versions are found above the doors of chief”s huts and are called dilukai. That’s one pictured below. It’s a similar kind of idea and it’s supposed to protect the health of the village and ward of evil spirits.

In conclusion: Wow. I didn’t see any of that coming. History is always odder than you expect, and it turns out that female genitalia carved into stone can actually look pretty terrifying.