Carlos Torres

Well, I guess that makes all the sense in the world, because those darn Flock of Seagulls got all in your head in the 80’s. Then they had the nerve to be in GTA and get you all singing about running. I don’t even run when chased anymore. It’s a big game of “ooohhh ya got me”. So north of the border, they do it all in groups now apparently. That group started out as a singular to start the year, then a separate individual took over only to fail himself, then they went back to the original guy who had it out of spring. Now they are on to a group format because I am guessing “strength in numbers” is the thing. I think “paint by numbers” should be their next move. So if you are scoring at home, to summarize, that is Cecil, Castro, Cecil, et. all. Yeah, I mean if I had the offensive potential that the Blue Jays have, and they are being all fiddle and benz with the end game, I would make a move to a more permanent solution. Don’t be cheap, I think the exchange rate is in your favor or close. So the committee we are looking at now is a group that consists of Roberto Osuna, Steve Delabar, possibly another occasional save chance for Brett Cecil, Aaron Loup, Prime Minister Stephen Harper, Optimus Prime and any prime number. From a rostering standpoint, I would own Osuna, Delabar, then Cecil. If you missed out on all three, just be thankful, because it’s a mess. But saves bring all the craziness out of people, so that’s why it’s bullpen week and we are getting down to the goods of the HOLD. Enjoy the rankings, tidbits and the casual barbs at my peers. Cheers!

Any god fearing Jersey-ian grew up with the song of this week’s title track. It was bred into our systems much like the IOU sweatshirt craze during the same time frame. It’s catchy, is easy to sing, sounds like some sorta bubbles being blown somewhere, and there’s some booty shaking. Bubbles and booty, what could be better? Another “B” obviously. Bullpens! I am turning this week’s eye to not only Glen Perkins, but the entire Twins’ bullpen. POerkins has rebounded fantastically from last years injury blip which lead to him being ineffective. He is the “watching paint dry”, 9 k/9 closer that is doing it well. His effectiveness, he is 17/17 in save opps. That is basically like going all Curt Henning on the save department. This time next week he will be climbing the corporate ladder of the save chart, book it. The thing that I love is the set-up chaps that are running-a-muck, in a good way, to completely be crushing the hold department, namely Blaine Boyer and Aaron Thompson. They have both successfully made their way into the top-15 in holds on the year. A good bullpen will always, always go a long way to propel a successful team. It’s just fact, the two don’t usually meet at more then a passing glance from normal fantasy players, because they have their starters, and they have their closers. The middle is always sketchy, it’s like where certain food comes from… who cares really? Just as long as it is prepared the way you like it before you eat it.

Last week I went into what in the heck was wrong with Cody Allen. That Situation is still a little foggy, like everyone’s memory of your buddy’s bachelor party. This week, it’s time to look at the side-flinging Steve Cishek. Because when it gets down to it, closers are more interesting and they are basically that key piece in Jenga. It starts with them and everything trickles downhill. He has looked god awful and the Marlins are in full BBC, no not that BBC, the one that is bullpen-by-committee. Mike Dunn, A.J. Ramos, and Bryan Morris are all the names being bantered around as in the mix. None of those guys, minus Ramos, has the repertoire to be a closer. I am just calling it like I see it. If you want my honest opinion, I think they should just let them all do a round-robin thumb wrestling tournament. But seriously, who are they going to trust? Mike Dunn has 4 career saves, Morris is a re-tread reclamation project, and Ramos has been touted as the next guy for two years and hasn’t even gotten serious late-inning high pressure looks. So stay right there and hit that little red bar thingy for more holds and closers and bullpens… oh my.

Step right up folks, only $5 waiver wire bucks gets you the admission of a lifetime! It brings you wonderment beyond compare, unfulfilled roster spots with the snap of a finger, and most of all, it gives you zero return on your initial investment sometimes. Yes, that’s right gents (and gals too!), it’s the ever growing laundry pile that sits in the corner, but without the physical stench its the bullpen keystone capers. Key the music! The Blue Jays started the year thinking the man with the poor eye sight would be nice a cozy in the head bullpen chair. Unbeknownst to them, he sucked and failed at his job and was demoted to a set-up role. Fast forward two and half whole weeks, and he is somehow back to being the man again. Did he develop a new pitch, started throwing with his feet? Nope, he is still the same ole Brett Cecil. He isn’t throwing any harder and didn’t change his wind-up. He is just the next man up after Miguel Castro went all bay of pigs, making us all buy into him, and then poof went the dynamite. I personally didn’t think it would be a forever type scenario, and as far as I’m concerned, Cecil isn’t the man either as he sits right now. That just opens the door for possiblities… a trade (Papelbon perhaps), a free agent signee off the street (Rafael Soriano), or eventually going back to Castro or letting Roberto Osuna get a shot at the title. My answer is yes to all the above. I think it takes another failure by Cecil for the contending Blue Jays to realize that they need to shore that thing up. So in a month we could see a whole new bullpen there, and no, I am not kidding. So now that the team beyond the wall is taken care of this week, let’s peruse what else is happening around the league in bullpen situations.

It’s trendy to be trendy and follow your nose like Toucan Sam. Unfortunately, there are no Fruit Loops here, only Holds. Holds with a silver lining of saves that helps everyone. For now though, it’s all about the holds. It’s only a dozen games into the season and it’s never too early to turn a side eye to what’s going on with the key bullpen pieces around the league. These guys are mostly for holds only leagues, but the elite of the elite are the rosterable guys that should be universally owned. So, for those that are new to the Bullpen Report, it goes a little like this… I focus on relievers that are pitching in high leverage situations, games with the lead, inherited runners and the inherited runners they allow to score. Those more or less correlate to the stat we are chasing, and no it’s not that white dragon. It’s the hold. Team situations, team success, and the players ability in those situations all dictate that stat. It’s no coincidence that teams with better teams usually have more save chances, it just happens. So have a gander at some trendy type stats that have happened in the games so far. Be aware that stats this early are misleading like a Polish GPS, so be aware and don’t go for the first car you see when your hitchhiking your way through the holds life.

The end of the year is always fun for me when it comes to the race for holds, and the guys getting them. The names that appear on the leaderboard for the last 14 days of games looks like a Dateline special of guys who were abandoned by their actual parents, and just appeared in the majors. For instance, of the top-20 Hold garnerers [Jay’s Note: garnerees? garnerererers? gonorrhea? Eh, let’s just go with garnerers…] over those same last two weeks, only three are in the top-20 for the year (Clippard, Cecil and Watson). On a side note, these are guys for you in dynasty leagues and deeper keeper leagues to pay attention to…. wink-wink. That right there echoes the fact of something, oh I don’t know, two weeks ago, where you should just stream the hell out of RP down the stretch to maximize everything. And by everything, I mean appearance, grooming techniques, hell, it’ll probably allow you to take better pictures to update your Tinder account. Maximize is the name, and maximizing was the game. You see that boat in the distance?… That’s me sailing off into the sunset telling you au revoir, and that I told ya so. I don’t make this stuff up, there are years and years of stats and performance charts that are readily available on the Google machine to prove my point. So with that tangent concluded, here is the last bullpen/hold chart of the year, basically showing you who wins. Sort of. If winning holds is an actual award, that is.

When you get a little cumin, coriander, curry, power and speed in the same dish, you got a Marte party! Whatever happened to that Next Food Network Star? She disappear with every other one, except Guy Fieri? As Anthony Bourdain aptly said, Fieri is the Poochie of the Food Network. Due to Fieri’s success, they keep trying to sandwich (pardon the word) new personalities onto their network. This past season they awarded a Hee Haw Fieri. Instead of the frosted hair, he had a cowboy hat. We call this show, Diners, Drive-Ins and Farting By The Fire! Any the hoo! Going into yesterday’s game, Starling Marte was tied with George Springer and behind Michael Morse on our Player Rater. To that, The Count would say blah blah blah. Crazy enough, Drew Stubbs was above all of them, and in the top 40 outfielders. By the power of Coors, I pronounce you fantasy worthy. Of course, Marte went 3-for- 4 with his 7th and 8th homers yesterday, so he’ll probably shoot above those aforementioned outfielders. Marte’s a little behind his pace from last year, but I’m going to like him next year for one simple reason: a guy that can hit 12 homers and steal 40 bases is very valuable as long as he doesn’t hit .220. That’s like a manhole in Fantasy Town! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

In my first ever post on points leagues in the beginning of May, I left you with the closing statement, “POINTS ARE POINTS. SELL THE NAME TO WIN THE GAME.” The premise is simple, don’t worry about the guys who garner all the attention in traditional category leagues. Find ways to score more points, regardless of the players’ name recognition value. Points leagues are their own little fantasy worlds that exist under some vary skewed parameters. Think of points leagues like fetish porn. Razzballin does invoke some interesting imagery as the title of an adult film. Eeeee… Some thoughts just can’t be unremembered. Grab some hard stuff and throw it back to help ease trauma. The foreplay of the season is behind us and July signals the time to really turn it on to make the push for your fantasy playoffs. Let’s get you lubed for some nice 2nd half moves.

Everyone knows about the top prospects getting called up. The Singleton’s, Tavares’, and Springer’s get all the pub, as they should. Hitters that actually hit the ball only need to be successful 3 out of 10 times, and they are considered fantastic… even all-stars. Now a pitcher gets 3 out of 10 wins, he’s a bum of the highest order, like a bum that can’t play an instrument, but has a puppy for sympathy change. We all know that guy. So the rookie RP getting called up around this time may stick with their respective teams, and they may not. The three in particular I am referring to are Cam Bedrosian, Shae Simmons and Corey Knebel. Bedrosian’s numbers in the minors are crazy unimaginable, and he could find himself in a great situation once he gains the trust of the bullpen-opath in Scoiscia. The latter two are prolly not really factors, just yet as Simmons is blocked by the current GOAT at the position, and Knebel, albeit the first 2013 draft pick to make the majors, is going to be a bit-player until next year unfold’s. I just wanted to point out that bullpen only-guys that get promoted need some love, it’s not like they smell like that musically challenged, puppy wielding guy from previous. These adds are more of a deeper league or keeper league adds now, though I have speculated on Bedrosian in a 16-teamer with a deeper bench.

So, I took part in one of those 15-team NFBC drafts that Rudy and all the cool kids were talking about-slash-doing. What a snoozefest! I mean, it was fun, but I fell asleep literally 19 times during it. Granted, it lasted for 19 days, so if I didn’t fall asleep 19 times, I would’ve needed trucker speed, but still. Speaking of which, I have much respect for truckers. They’re driving all day and they have to wear the stupidest hats. Any the hoo! This draft was one part fresh, two parts ‘to def’ and some random Razzballers took part, so maybe we can chat in the comments — I have no friends! We can’t talk about trades, because there are none. There’s also no waivers. This was a 15-team league that went 50 rounds deep. What you draft is what you have. No backsies, no foolsies. Anyway, here’s my 15-team NFBC team and some thoughts: