Presenting a temptingly delicious platter piled high with recipes for two, time-saving kitchen tips, helpful cooking hints, and winsome commentary - all served with a side of garlic-infused humor and a steaming bowl of buffoonery.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Have you ever had a summer bash or cookout where you had more thirsty guests than you had bottles of cold brewskis? (Which necessitated implementing the proverbial "beer run" strategy).

Or have you ever ended the month with more bills than had money to pay them? (Which necessitated implementing the proverbial "bounced check" strategy).

I didn't think so.

So we should approach this next topic as purely hypothetical.

There's a lot of cool kitchen gear out there. And I'm not talking about top-of-the-line KitchenAid mixers or Viking Gas stoves or even that thirty-seven piece All Clad cookware set you've been drooling over ever since your neighbor auctioned off a kidney and purchased one.

Not that this stuff isn't cool. It is.

No, what I'm talking about is the *really* cool kitchen gear. Cool as in what would Anthony Stark (from Iron Man) have in his kitchen given his financial horsepower and quirky sense of humor.

I'm talking the kind of stuff I would buy if I didn't have to waste all of my hard earned cash on stupid things like food, clothes and shelter.

I'm talking ultra-cool stuff like this:

Electric Spaghetti Twirler

Who has time to twirl spaghetti? I don't. That's why I'd buy this electric spaghetti twirler. Load it up with a couple of AAA batteries and you're good to go. (I hear it's also good for cleaning the lint out of your navel and the wax out of your dog's ears).

Herb Scissors

Snipping and chopping herbs is another huge waste of time. With these babies you can blast right through this menial chore. This gadget would also be great for cutting the kids' hair. You can get done in 1/4 of the time, which will give you more time to enjoy your:

Kernal Cutter

At first glance, this appears to be a real time saver. But to me, this looks downright scary to have around the house. Especially if your wife gets ticked off real easy. I think I'd rather have a loaded weapon lying around than one of these babies. Maybe something along the lines of:

The BA-K-47

Made of pure bacon, this semi-automatic weapon is perfect for warding off trespassers, burglars, and those pesky vegetarians who just cannot shut up about the glories of their chosen diet.

So...if you had the financial horsepower of Tony Stark, what cool things would you add to your kitchen?

Just bring Rachel Ray ... and you get to entertain me with all your wit. I love how you think ... esp for the corn kernel cutter! LMAO!!!! Oh, bring your wife too otherwise she might really use it :) I'm only interested in you for your brain, really.

@ping. I will try to bring Rachel, Ping, but no promises. If she's a no show, at least we can laff! (What? You're only interested in my brain? I bet you say that to all the chefs who post unusual kitchen gadgets on their blog, lol!)

If the corn kernel shucker would keep the kernels from flying all over the kitchen, I'd use that. The pasta swirler...looks hard to clean. I take a soup ladle and a big fork and pick up pasta and twirl inside the soup ladle then transfer to the plate. Easier to clean utensils.I'm all about easy clean up. My husband on the other hand will take the BA-K-47.

Thats like a TV Market fan wet dream... When I read about Kernal Cutter I nearly spat my tea. Im getting one for my future husband just so he will be aware of possible danger hahaha. Once again, Thank You for a good laugh, you always make me smile. Wishing you all the best, hugs all the way from Ireland! :)

I want a kernel cutter, and then I want to throw a big dinner party for my siblings and my BB's siblings and then watch as the male folk wince as I slice my way through cob after cob. Oh, that would be a fun night. Ha! Ha!

@Emily Malloy. How could you think of such a tool of violence after posting such a delighful ode to spring on your blog? lol! Oh well, I guess it'll come in handy if anyone complains about your soda bread. I can almost here you saying, "So, you're not fond of the bread, eh? Well, meet my little friend..." :-D

Holla Warren.. thanks for checking out my blog (dabbling on the hot keyboard since Feb 2012).. and I am subscribing to this blog now-and taking back a smile (got my doggie bag along)Hoping to share smiles and recipes. Keep blogging!

Wooaaa I want that kernel cutter and the herb scissor now!! Its a grt post Warren It makes me go in my "If I Didn't Have to Spend My Hard Earned Cash on Stupid Things Like Foo'd and Shelter, I'd Buy All This Cool Kitchen Gear" too :D

Order Your Copy of Table for Two Today. Click Here.

About the Chef

is the author of the award-winning “Table for Two – The Cookbook for Couples” and the newly-released "Table for Two - Back for Seconds". Do you wish to eat healthier at home, with ingredients you can find at your local grocer, with a minimum of leftovers? Chef Warren will show you how. Got a suggestion or recipe? Pass it along. We're in this together.