These Hard-Hitting Wine Labels Tell It Like It Is

Ah vino. Best paired with a fine cheese or a hearty meal, or enjoyed around the fireplace with your oh-so-classy friends. Or at least, that's how it works in your mind. In reality, we're more likely to be inhaling a $6 vintage straight from the goon sack, or using the discarded bottle as a microphone in our solo rendition of 'All By Myself' – all before stumbling woozily off to bed.

Hopefully your experience lies somewhere in the middle of those two scenarios. But the reality is that, for every bona fide sommelier out there, a large portion of the rest of us are more likely to pick our poison based on the price and how nice the label looks, as opposed to things like acidity, provenance or bouquet. And something about tannins. Those are a thing, right?

Embracing this fact, VinePair co-founder Adam Teeter (which is an excellent surname for a wine buff, by the way) has teamed up with illustrator Jeff Licciardo to produce 26 hypothetical wine labels that better reflect the average wine drinker's true experience. Forget about drinking to forget: these vintages know you better than you know yourself, offering everything from handy pairing suggestions ("drink me with post-break-up anger and takeaway") to positive affirmations ("yes, you're definitely on key") to nuggets of brutal honesty ("you're turning into your mother").

Look, somebody needed to tell you. At least this way you can get drunk immediately after hearing it.