I sat in R Kelly’s seat at the movies…

Let me describe what I would perhaps call the worst thing that could happen to a man in one day. First of all, I went to watch the Mama Mia Sing Along… all by myself. Do you know how awkward it is to be a full on woman loving dude and having to ask for one ticket to Mama Mia? I could not find a way to have those words come out of my mouth. So I told the girl working the counter, “Can I get one ticket to the (whispering) Mama Mia?” she replied with, “huh!?!?!?” Again I asked quietly, “one for Mama Mia,” she then screamed, “Oh, you wanna watch the Mama Mia sing along? Yeah, I got you… You just want one?” I just nodded my head. As she handed me my ticket she said, “Enjoy Mama Mia!!!” Did I believe she was mocking me? Yes… If there was no glass between us she would have received a kick to the shin.

Unfortunately my woes did not end there. I walk in the theater expecting a bunch of Broadway loving women ready to be annoyed by my singing for a radio gold bit… Instead I walked into a room with three college chicks and two old ladies. I decided that sitting near the old ladies would give me a better reaction because the young chicks looked like they wouldn’t pay me an attention. So I sat behind the old ladies with my lil recorder on my lap ready to do some singing. After a few seconds I felt that my pants started getting a bit damp. I figured that someone had spilled some water or soda on the seat and that it was no big deal so I changed seats. A couple of minutes later I realized that my pants were now what I like to call too wet for comfort. I got up from my seat and could clearly feel with my hands that it was drenched. So I did the good ‘ol “bend-over-smell-see”. I was convinced that the liquid was soda… but what kind of soda? I was hoping it was sprite because it’s not as sticky as coke… or at least that’s what I like to think. Well, instead of receiving wonderful soda smells a different smell entered my nostrils, it was a smell that I know very well thanks to Delilah… It was the unmistakable smell of what I like to call THE #1. Yup, I sat in pee not once, but twice. If I would have done it again I would have been 3 times a lady. We weren’t even at the first song yet and I was soaked in pee. So I naturally said, “Eww!” What did the ladies behind me do? The said, “shhhhhhh!!!!” At that point I decided that I would walk my pee butt out of there. The theater was very kind and apologized and even gave me my money back along with some passes.

In the parking lot I ran into another dilemma. What do I do to sit in my car? I don’t want pee seats in my car too. So I decided I would take my pants off. I put a gym towel on my seat and shielded myself from Peeping Toms the best I could. I haven’t taken my pants off that fast since High School Prom… haha, jk. So I drove home in my underwear repeating, “why me?” over and over again.

Dilemma number 4: Now that I arrived home I needed a way to get to my apartment. I decided the best solution would be to put pee pants back on and deal with the damp butt again. I tucked my gym towel in the back to cover the water mark and was on my way. When I walked in Keley Jo was sitting on the couch and asked how the movie was and as I walked straight to my room I replied with a, “it was wet.”

Moral of the Story: Keep your gym towel in the car incase you sit in pee at the movies and have to take your pants off and drive home like a perv (if you’re a dude) or like a hottie (if you’re a woman). I also think I sat in R Kelly’s seat at the movies.

OMG JC!!!! That happened to me at the planatarium in Ft. Worth one time!!!!! I thought I was gonna die, had to ride home the same way you did, luckily the guy I was dating had a coat and I wrapped it around my waist to get out of the planatarium. I didn’t even ask for a free ticket, I just wanted to get out of there without anyone thinking I pee’d on myself!!! I SO Feel your pain!!!!