This Letter To The Cleveland Browns Ticket Office From A Fan Is Perfect

Below is a video (via
SportsGrid) in which a Cleveland Browns season ticket holder
narrates a letter he wrote to the team in response to their
request for his annual deposit for tickets.

In the letter, the fan decides he does not want to pay full price
for the preseason games ("50 cents per seat is a more than
adequate price to watch fourth string walk-ons from Mt. Union"),
doesn't want to pay at all for the final two regular season games
("[anybody can get tickets] in exchange for two camel menthol
cigarettes"), and rather than include the remainder of his money
owed, he demands the team's "patience and loyalty."

Alas, Mike Polk Jr. is a comedian from Cleveland, so the letter
is (probably) not real. Still, if you have ever been a season
ticket holder, there was probably a time you wanted to write this
exact same letter...