Stephen Colbert set to join NBC speedskating coverage

Stephen Colbert takes a skeleton ride while filming a segment after the FIBT Bob & Skeleton World Cup on November 22, 2009 at the Olympic Sports Complex in Lake Placid, New York.

Photograph by: Matthew Stockman/Getty Images
, NP

Sir Dr. Stephen T. Colbert DFA, host of the recurring segment Cheating Death on his eponymous late-night, faux-news comedy show The Colbert Report, can now add a new title to his portfolio: assistant sports psychologist for the U.S. speedskating team.

Colbert's not only the team's sugar daddy; he's now the team's assistant head shrinker and motivator-in-chief. Or one of them, anyway.

But wait, there's more. Thanks to a standing invitation by Dick Ebersol, chairman of NBC Sports and executive producer of NBC's Olympics coverage, Colbert is now a fully accredited member of NBC's broadcast team.

If The Colbert Report is to be believed - and it isn't always - Colbert will shadow the U.S. speedskating team at Wednesday's competition at the Richmond Oval, where he will puff out his skinny chest and stand tall for truth, justice and the American way, and cheer for a gold medal for U.S. speedskating star Shani Davis in Davis's key event, the men's 1,000-metre final.

But wait, there's more. Colbert has invited members of the Olympic-going public to hoot 'n holler in the background as he tapes a pair of Olympic-themed shows outside Vancouver's Science World. The shows will air early next week when The Colbert Report returns from its February vacation.

It's all part of the act in his multi-part series, "Stephen Colbert's Skate Expectations: Kicking Ice and Taking Donations On the Slippery Slope Down the Icy Path to the Frozen Road Up to Vancouver, '010."

First, there was that little incident last October, when Davis, training in Calgary at the time, opined to a passing reporter that Colbert was "a jerk."

Then there was Colbert's inspired fundraising drive - he convinced fans in the so-called Colbert Nation to help bail the U.S. Olympic speedskating federation out of debt after the original team sponsor, Dutch bank DSB, went bust.

As Colbert himself explained on the air, "Go figure. A bank went bankrupt."

The Colbert Nation responded, to the tune of $350,000.

Colbert challenged a chastened Davis to a skate-off on Jan. 20, in a Colbert Report segment called "Face-off on Ice: Shani vs. Stephen."

The Colbert Report billed the skate-off at Salt Lake City's Olympic Oval as a battle between two fierce competitors who had led eerily parallel lives.

"Shani Davis showed the makings of a champion, even as a young boy. And Stephen Colbert was also once a young boy. . . .Shani achieved greatness on the ice through years of sacrifice. Stephen started training more than two hours ago.

That may be, but as Ebersol later told Colbert, "You have perfected a whole new style of speedskating. That tape will be worth a fortune to future generations."

Colbert described his technique as "the Panicky Flail."

Colbert then asked his fans to raise money on behalf of NBC, after hearing GE chairman and CEO Jeffrey Immelt's prediction last December that NBC stands to lose $200 million on the Games.

Sadly, the Colbert Nation was less successful in its mission to save NBC - the campaign raised a total of $1.89 - but Colbert won an invitation to be part of the broadcast team, just the same.

In exchange for that snazzy NBC vest and the opportunity to share hockey memories with do-you-believe-in-miracles hockey dude Al Michaels, Colbert is expected to present a special report on Wednesday's action at the Richmond Oval to Bob Costas, host of NBC's prime-time Olympic coverage.

"I feel like actual press," Colbert told his viewers at the time. "That's never happened before."

Of course, when Colbert says, as he recently did of the U.S. speedskaters, "What a great, rare honour it's been to be helpful in any way to these beautiful athletes. I'm really in awe of what they do and I want to be there to support them," it's hard to tell whether the real Colbert is talking or "TV Colbert."

Probably both, though you're unlikely to hear it from the real Colbert. Colbert rarely appears out of character. The raucous, bawdy Colbert you see on TV is a fictional construct - not everyone gets that, which only adds to the joke - and the real Colbert shuns the spotlight. The real Colbert is quiet, unassuming, well-read and makes a point of being well-informed.

Don't expect normal at the Vancouver 2010 Olympics, though.

As Ebersol told Colbert, Wednesday, February 17th "is probably the most important speedskating night at the Winter Olympics."

Colbert replied, without missing a beat: "And therefore the most important night of the Olympics."

As for those "Canadian iceholes" and "Canadian syrup suckers" who seek to derail the U.S. speedskating team's fortunes and prevent Davis from standing in his rightful place atop the medal podium, TV Colbert is full of fightin' words.

"We will send our men and women, and their enormous quadriceps, to Vancouver —and glory!" he once told his audience.

Later, he modified his message, by being more specific:

"We've got to step up and make sure it is America's 38-inch thighs on that medal platform!"

Stephen Colbert takes a skeleton ride while filming a segment after the FIBT Bob & Skeleton World Cup on November 22, 2009 at the Olympic Sports Complex in Lake Placid, New York.

Photograph by: Matthew Stockman/Getty Images, NP

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