Monthly Archives: May 2017

This morning, I listened to Part One of a message on “Brokenness,” by Dr. Charles F. Stanley. What he quoted towards the end of the sermon astounded me:

“All revival follows brokenness. It does not precede it. It follows it.”

I was convicted of many things after listening to this message. Even though I had been going through many hardships these past couple of months (friendships, family, finances, etc.), I knew that God was breaking me to a point where I had to absolutely surrender my direction to be His direction for my life, especially since He has called me to greater plans than the plans that I had in mind for myself. “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” ~Proverbs 16:3~

Myself was selfish. Myself was full of self. Myself was foolish. Myself was ignorant of God and arrogant of wanting to accept His perfect will and plan for my life. This included His ministry for me. “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” ~Proverbs 16:18~

And so it was at that moment that I learned that I had to lean on my Abba Father and no one else EXCEPT HIM in order for me to understand why He was allowing me to go through the hardships that He was allowing me to go through. God was refining me into the woman of His calling. ~”…but the Lord tests the heart.” ~Proverbs 17:3~

The Holy Spirit convicted me to journal a list of things that I had been holding to that were hindering me from living in full submission to God’s perfect will for my life. Here it is:

After spending time with Lord in prayer, I realized that I had to give up all of these worldly things since they were stumbling blocks for me to TRUST in God’s perfect will for my life. These things are temporary and cannot satisfy what is eternal and heavenly, which are unseen. ~”For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal weight of glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”~ 2 Corinthians 4:17-18~

I took a pail of rocks and held 12 of them, one by one, and prayed to God that from this day on, I choose to surrender these worldly things to Almighty God so that I can live in total submission to His will for me. ~”Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. Anyone who loves their life will lose it, anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.”~ John 12:24-25~

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I nailed all of these things to the cross of Jesus Christ—-and it was in this moment that I died to self. ~”And he said to them, “Truly I tell you, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see that the kingdom of God has come with power.”~ Mark 9:1~

Praise the Lord for this revival of my spirit! I can now live in the victory that I have always had since Jesus Christ died for me and my sins! I am victorious, in Jesus’ name. ~”Yours Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours.”~ 1 Chronicles 29:11~

I have overcome my brokenness because I surrendered all of it to Jesus. My Lord and Savior already overcame it. ~”No, in all these things we are more than conquerors thorough him that loved us.”~ Romans 8:37~

I now want to end this blog post by writing out a prayer for any of you who is reading this it right now and struggling with brokenness and surrender. Let us pray:

Dear God,

Thank you for giving me to courage to testify of how you broke me of this world so that I can come to you in brokenness. Thank you for giving me to strength to let go of these worldly things so that I can fully worship You and submit myself to your absolute will for my life. May You grant any Christian who is struggling with breaking free of himself or herself or any sins that he or she may be holding onto be broken for Your sake so that You may be glorified. May good and not evil come out of being in the state of brokenness so that he or she can let of any present sins in order for him or her to live his or her future free of the sins of the past. Do not let any weapon of the past prosper over Your son or daughter. I speak renewal over his or her mind right now, in Jesus’ name, so that he or she can fully trust you. May your sons and daughters fully surrender to your perfect will for their lives. May they see the good that comes out of being broken and be free now.

This was God’s message to me as I was taking a walk and listening to Bethel Music on my iPod one brisk evening.

I knew that God was on the move for me and that He was fighting for me….I just did not know how as my faith was so small at the time. ~”Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith?”~(Matthew 8:26)~

As I was walking back to my apartment, I pictured the Lord planting a seed inside of my heart. Why was this seed significant? It symbolized the hope that I had in Christ Jesus. “Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and stedfast, and which entereth into that within the veil.”~(Hebrews 6:19)~

I shut the door of my apartment and went to my bedroom. I tried to sleep, but could not, so I decided to spend time with the Lord in prayer. Then, I began to cry silently to God. My crying grew louder as I wept bitterly. I questioned God as to why He was allowing me to go through this rough season as I was facing many financial struggles, no job, ongoing issues with my best friends and family, and the spiritual warfare and opposition from friends and family against me going on my mission trip to serve Him and Japanese women and children in Japan. Tears poured down my face as I wept in my broken state of heart. ~”Jesus wept.”~(John 11:35)~

Despite the many tears I shed, I knew that even if my closest friends and family members thought that this hope that the Lord God had given me was nothing more than wishful and fanatical thinking that it gave me the strength to abide in the hope of Christ. It was then that I remembered my life Bible verse:

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”~(Philippians 4:13)~

At that moment, I was able to crack a smile through the tears and emotional pain that I was experiencing. While God was breaking my heart for what broke His, He was able to turn my sadness and grief into joy unspeakable. This joy became my strength! 😀 ~”…for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”~(Nehemiah 8:10)~

It was then that I knew what it meant to rejoice in my sufferings. There is hope for us, as followers of Christ, when we choose to surrender His will to be our will. I let His will be my will out of broken surrender and selflessness instead of self. ~”O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done.”~(Matthew 26:42).

I went to bed as the Lord lay me down to sleep. It is well with me now. My joy rests in the Lord as I dwell in His presence with this final thought sent from heaven to me:

This was how I felt after having a seizure a couple of weeks ago. I was never expecting anything this serious to happen to me. I asked God why He allowed the Enemy to take my mind in this way. God replied to me: “Trust me. I know what I am doing.” ~”Be still and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.”~ Psalm 46:10.~

A couple of days after the seizure happened, I evaluated my life. I am graduating soon from Liberty University Online with a seminary degree, am going on an internship to Japan in a couple of weeks, and am trying to figure out God’s grand plan for my life after Japan. Everything seemed to be going well before the seizure happened. But, was this seizure a part of God’s plan for me? I decided to ask God in prayer, “Why did You allow this seizure to happen to me?”

He said to me, “Trust me.” “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.” ~Romans 8:28.~

I am still confused to this day as to why He allowed this seizure to happen to me. I have a mixture of feelings: angry, sad, depressed. But in the midst of all of these emotions, I know that this brokenness that I feel will be used for God to be glorified, even when I cannot physically see nor understand why He allowed the seizure to happen to me. I choose to trust in what I cannot see, even when things don’t make sense to me in the moment. ~”For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.~2 Corinthians 4:17-18.~

Even as I type this blog post, I praise God for how far I have come since this past year (yes, even after my seizure!!):

I went on a short-term mission trip to Lebanon, which provided divine insight into God’s calling for me to go into ministry.

I am almost finished with my M.A. degree in Global Studies from Liberty University Online.—-I receive my degree in the mail in August! 😀

I am learning how to share the love of Christ with my family as I re-establish ties with them.—I am praying for them to surrender their lives to Christ as their personal Savior.

I am going to Japan for my 2nd short-term mission trip to share the love of Jesus with the Japanese and show them who He is.

Even after the seizure, I choose to not let it define me and MOVE ON with Jesus holding my hand. ~”Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.” ~Matthew 7:14.~

Jesus is carrying me into the next stage of my life and I choose to trust Him as He breaks away all form of bad influences, power, principalities, and weapons that are attempting to stop me from remaining obedient to God’s will and calling for me to go into ministry. I rebuke fear. ~”For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”~2 Timothy 1:7.~

I take every negative thought captive to Jesus as He destroys it and cleanses my mind of oppression. ~”Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.”~2 Corinthians 10:5.~