Alive Again

A turn for the better with a realistic outlook.

The last time I updated you on my life, I was talking about how my goals for 2018 were similar and different from those of 2017. While I started the year optimistically, lingering pain issues that started in late November all but snuffed out any chance of keeping those resolutions.

As I continue to recuperate, I’m able to work longer and more efficiently than I have in months. I’ve spent a solid couple of weeks getting my office and studio into good, workable condition, gave the whole place a deep clean, and even made a few upgrades (new furniture, desperately needed ceiling tiles, etc). It’s unbelievable how much easier it is to work when your workspace is actually functional. I’ve also set up a new area of my studio for a very special new venture which I’ll hopefully be able to share with you by next month!

Yes, I feel great! My pain is in a much more manageable state at the moment, and I feel free to actually move and work and function. But with that joy of productivity comes realism (or pessimism, depending on the day). I know with 100% certainty that I will have bad days. It is not a choice; it is not a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s a fact of life.

Normally when I have a downward turn in mood, I blame myself. I’m angry that I let depression win, that I let myself wallow in misery rather than get over myself and get shit done. That’s not how it works, and I know that. I’ve always known that.

So I’m revising my resolutions for 2018. Sure, eating right and exercising are goals that are important, and while I’ve made zero effort in those areas this year, I’m setting them aside for a bit. My new resolution is to continue as I have so far this year: working and being productive, focusing on Molly Rose Balms, but if I can’t one day, one hour, one week, go for the next. My progress doesn’t have to be measured by how many days in a row I work. It should be measured by actual progress, the bettering of my work and myself.