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Thinking in the open, here, would like your thoughts, too!

Hello, I was just sitting here mulling over my DD's education (she will turn 3 in February) and I am just not sure where to go right now. We live in a rural area, there are few daycares and even fewer preschools. She just about never (maybe twice per year) gets to see other kids...but I want to homeschool her because the preschools here are not great. I am mainly concerned about her socialization and her learning how to work with other people, not just with me. I know it's a stereotype of homeschooled kids but it's actually playing out with my DD. She almost never gets to socialize.

I was considering putting her into preschool three days per week (or three half-days) just so she could see other kids, and then supplementing the academics on my own. I guess my questions to you are, do/did any of you have this issue? What did you do?

I am also concerned about her when she gets to kindergarten age-she likely won't be socializing then, either, because of the same reasons. It would just be me and her, every day. Can kids grow up OK if they never see other kids? We're really hurting for opportunities here and I'd hate to have to send her to the crap elementary school we have just so she doesn't grow up in a vacuum. Do I sacrifice socialization for academics? Any input is welcome, ladies. I want her to be well-educated but also well-rounded and I'm just not seeing how I can strike that balance at this point. Thanks in advance, and thanks for reading the whole thing!

Just a quick update...it was recommended to me by a kind person on here to search Yahoo groups and Meetup.com (and another nice person recommended Googling) to see what comes up. I am getting no co-ops in my county, and I did find one social group for home schooling moms (not really for kids), that was it for home school groups. I am joining that group just to see what they can tell me about how to get my DD around other kids.

Great tips! I never really thought about it, but just allowing them to tell the cashier or any adult what we need is great practice!

Quoting KrissyKC:

I did preschool for my kids. One, I sorta regretted because it turned out being very ... I can't think of another word except to say "worldly"... my daughter got bullied a little because she didn't go to salons to get her nails or hair done like the other little girls. Some of the girls would try to hurt her, and if they got hurt instead, they'd go tell their teacher (many of them had moms that worked there, so they often told "mommy") and my daughter got accused of stuff she just never would have thought of doing....

But... the other two kids, they had terrific experiences. One was through the school district (free in the town we lived in) and the other was at a small church run prek.

On the whole, we loved the preschool experience.

However, don't worry too much about socialization. They don't REALLY need 24/7 opportunities to learn to socialize. Get involved with a mom's group or co-op, and you will find more than enough opportunities for her to get involved with other kids.

The other side of socialization is helping her be independent. Like, don't hover over her when she talks to people. Allow her to socialize with adults in line at the grocery store, let her pay for something on her own... basically just life skills. Take her to the post office instead of ordering stamps online ane let her go up to the counter and order the stamps you need. ETc...

When she begins writing, even a pen pal will help with socialization. Email friends or snail mail works.

Sports groups or other fun classes are another help, too. The libraries usually offer read alouds, lego club days, reading groups for kids, and other programs for kids.

I think once you get involved with the moms group, you will find lots of opportunities for your daughter. At this young age, even just one or two other kids to play with once in a while is enough. But I'm sure the other moms will share local events and playdates, etc. with you. I just started hs full time this year, and there are so many social opportunities for us (mostly gleaned from other hs moms), that I literally have to pick and choose which ones we will do!

Your welcome :) I understand being in a rural community. We live in the middle of rice fields and the town doesn't have much. As it is dance is in the next town over, but since she's asked for it for 3 yrs I figured it was worth it. I hope y'all are able to find something.

Quoting JTE11:

No Tball that I can find. There is dance but I know nothing about it but I can look into it, thanks!

Quoting Dawn07:

Do you have any kind of programs like Tball or dance? What about letting her make friends in preschool and then keeping in touch with them in kindergarten.

That is what I am hoping for. I hope the group will be helpful in directing me to what things are around here for DD to do. There are almost 100 parents in the group so somebody has to know something, I'm sure.

Quoting MammaG08:

I think once you get involved with the moms group, you will find lots of opportunities for your daughter. At this young age, even just one or two other kids to play with once in a while is enough. But I'm sure the other moms will share local events and playdates, etc. with you. I just started hs full time this year, and there are so many social opportunities for us (mostly gleaned from other hs moms), that I literally have to pick and choose which ones we will do!

First off, let me start out by apologizing. I let my negative experiences color my advice and I'm sorry for that.
Secondly, what I am trying to say, is I do believe that your daughter would benefit more from less contact with other children. Limited or less being the operative meaning. Some interactive contact is good. It fulfills those emotional needs that we all have. Let me ask, does your daughter expressing a desire for other kids? Or does she appear to be okay with her situation? These are my indicators for possible solutions. If she isn't bothered by her lack of social contact then you shouldn't be either. But, if she is expressing a desire, then you can make a few play dates for her. Just limit them would be my advice. You aren't going to scar her for life or ruin her in any way by having limited socialization for the time being. This is not a "set in stone" hard and fast rule. As she grows you can do more or do less as the situation would call for. Again, I would only be concerned if she is expressing any unhappiness and is asking for interactive friendship. That is the reason that I would schedule play dates or such.
My kids really didn't want or ask for play dates. As long as they had their toys and could play and watch their shows, they were happy. If course whenever we went out, they went with us. They met people and conversed with them without any problems. So the were "socialized" in that way and didn't mind. At least not until they got "older". lol Then I had to loosen up my thinking some. I just wish I had limited the contact somewhat. No I don't speak the truth. I wished I had limited the contact a lot more than I actually did. Hindsight being 20/20 and all.
Anyway, you are the mother and you are the one who does know what is best for yourself and your family. :) if you think your daughter needs to have play dates and such, go for it. :)

Quoting JTE11:

Thanks for taking the time to respond! It does give me something to think about. I was just concerned that she never gets to see anyone other than about five people, all adults, but 90% of the time it's just me. I don't think she needs kids to teach her how to behave, I was just looking for playmates or even friends because I think friends are important. She has no friends and no chance to make any unless I make arrangements for her to be around other kids (and this is where I am having a problem-finding other kids). She doesn't get to play with other kids except on rare occasions. We go to the store twice per month, we don't go to the post office or anywhere else really. Are your feelings that if she doesn't ever get to play with other kids or see anyone other than DH and I (and occasionally a grandparent) she will be fine?

Quoting kirbymom:I raised my 4 oldest without the "benefits" of socializing with other kids until they were older and now I wished I had NEVER let them "socialize" with other kids until they were graduated. The negatives my kids learned are still haunting our family! The "benefits" of "socializing" do not out weigh any positives they may have encountered. Now the reverse is true, though. Parents are reaping the benefits if their kids hangin with my kids. To the degree that my kids have picked up such behaviors that they have been grounded for whereas they would never have acted in such negative manners if they had never come into contact with these negative behaviors in the first place.
If your children go to the stores with you and to the gas stations with you and to the libraries and the parks and to visit with other family members or if it is just you visiting, then your children are going to pick up the "skills" needed to know HOW to behave and HOW to interact With others--child or adult. Kids do not learn from other kids how to behave the "responsible" way from other kids. That is learned from watching other adults to other adults or from other adults to other children. Including siblings and whatnots.
I am not trying to offend anyone here but in my experience of seeing not just my kids learning negative behaviors but other kids as well, has not been positive. I thank God that my kids have never stepped foot inside if a brick and mortar otherwise I would have been fighting these nasty behaviors much longer and may not ever have been able to regain a positive foothold in their behavior patterns. As it is I am still working on getting rid of what they have and are learning from their "socializing" with friends. As adults it is their responsibility for their behavior but as a child, it is My responsibility. One which I take quite seriously.

In my humble opinion, your daughter is better for having learned from you the responsibility of knowing HOW to "socialize" with others.

While I appreciate your apology (and it's refreshing to even see one on CM, honestly) it really isn't necessary; I could just tell you had some pretty strong feelings on the subject, lol. No worries there. ;)

Yes, my DD loves playing with other kids, she seeks them out when we go to the store, she says hi to everyone especially other kids, and will just go up to them and start talking and wat to play right then and there in the store and then gets disappointed when she can't. She recently got to spend time with a cousin who is five months older than she is (who lives out of state) for a couple of days when the cousin was visiting and she loved it, loved it, loved it. She didn't want her to leave. Hugged her and kissed her and told her she loved her she was her best friend. And she gets bored at home with me even with our own playground in the backyard, sensory activities, learning activities, art, science, motor play, acres and acres to explore, toys galore, (you name it we have it) and I can see how she just lights up and becomes a kid when she's around other kids. So that's why I was feeling like she was missing out on something by not having regular contact with some other kids. I know she could learn some horrendous stuff from other kids, but maybe if I am careful and choosy about it she won't learn the very worst. Unless I keep her in a bubble I'm sure she will pick up something I don't like at some point, but I don't think I can keep her here (and keep her happy) like that. I can understand where you are coming from, though. Having had bad experiences you would advise me to keep her away from the other kids if possible. That I can totally appreciate.

I have looked into the Y and in our area they have a gymnastics class for two-year-olds, and when she turns three there is ballet and tap. That's about all there is for organized groups, unless you put them into preschool. I will probably put her into one of those 4-week classes and see how she does. If it seems like she needs more (or less) exposure to kids then I'll try something else. You're right it is an 'adjust while you go' kind of thing. And I wanted to thank you for your responses, it took time to type them out and it has all been helpful to me. I don't want my DD picking up bad things from kids but I don't think she will do well always being by herself. *sigh*...just like so many other things in parenting there is no black or white answer I don't think. I was just grateful to get people's opinions on it, and in your case, the benefit of (and warning from) your experience. Thanks :)

Quoting kirbymom:

First off, let me start out by apologizing. I let my negative experiences color my advice and I'm sorry for that.
Secondly, what I am trying to say, is I do believe that your daughter would benefit more from less contact with other children. Limited or less being the operative meaning. Some interactive contact is good. It fulfills those emotional needs that we all have. Let me ask, does your daughter expressing a desire for other kids? Or does she appear to be okay with her situation? These are my indicators for possible solutions. If she isn't bothered by her lack of social contact then you shouldn't be either. But, if she is expressing a desire, then you can make a few play dates for her. Just limit them would be my advice. You aren't going to scar her for life or ruin her in any way by having limited socialization for the time being. This is not a "set in stone" hard and fast rule. As she grows you can do more or do less as the situation would call for. Again, I would only be concerned if she is expressing any unhappiness and is asking for interactive friendship. That is the reason that I would schedule play dates or such.
My kids really didn't want or ask for play dates. As long as they had their toys and could play and watch their shows, they were happy. If course whenever we went out, they went with us. They met people and conversed with them without any problems. So the were "socialized" in that way and didn't mind. At least not until they got "older". lol Then I had to loosen up my thinking some. I just wish I had limited the contact somewhat. No I don't speak the truth. I wished I had limited the contact a lot more than I actually did. Hindsight being 20/20 and all.
Anyway, you are the mother and you are the one who does know what is best for yourself and your family. :) if you think your daughter needs to have play dates and such, go for it. :)

Quoting JTE11:

Thanks for taking the time to respond! It does give me something to think about. I was just concerned that she never gets to see anyone other than about five people, all adults, but 90% of the time it's just me. I don't think she needs kids to teach her how to behave, I was just looking for playmates or even friends because I think friends are important. She has no friends and no chance to make any unless I make arrangements for her to be around other kids (and this is where I am having a problem-finding other kids). She doesn't get to play with other kids except on rare occasions. We go to the store twice per month, we don't go to the post office or anywhere else really. Are your feelings that if she doesn't ever get to play with other kids or see anyone other than DH and I (and occasionally a grandparent) she will be fine?

Quoting kirbymom:I raised my 4 oldest without the "benefits" of socializing with other kids until they were older and now I wished I had NEVER let them "socialize" with other kids until they were graduated. The negatives my kids learned are still haunting our family! The "benefits" of "socializing" do not out weigh any positives they may have encountered. Now the reverse is true, though. Parents are reaping the benefits if their kids hangin with my kids. To the degree that my kids have picked up such behaviors that they have been grounded for whereas they would never have acted in such negative manners if they had never come into contact with these negative behaviors in the first place.
If your children go to the stores with you and to the gas stations with you and to the libraries and the parks and to visit with other family members or if it is just you visiting, then your children are going to pick up the "skills" needed to know HOW to behave and HOW to interact With others--child or adult. Kids do not learn from other kids how to behave the "responsible" way from other kids. That is learned from watching other adults to other adults or from other adults to other children. Including siblings and whatnots.
I am not trying to offend anyone here but in my experience of seeing not just my kids learning negative behaviors but other kids as well, has not been positive. I thank God that my kids have never stepped foot inside if a brick and mortar otherwise I would have been fighting these nasty behaviors much longer and may not ever have been able to regain a positive foothold in their behavior patterns. As it is I am still working on getting rid of what they have and are learning from their "socializing" with friends. As adults it is their responsibility for their behavior but as a child, it is My responsibility. One which I take quite seriously.

In my humble opinion, your daughter is better for having learned from you the responsibility of knowing HOW to "socialize" with others.

I've been hs for close to 5 yrs. When we firstsstarted out we were able to join a good
hs group. We met with them a few times a month.
We now live in a small town. There isn't much around. I wasn't concerned about my daughter being alone and not around other kids. She is now apart of American Heritage Girls and 4H. We have to go to the next county over, but it's worth it. No she doesn't hang out with her peers all the time.She does know hhow to interact with people of all ages. I know you are new to his. Believe me the more you do it the less likely you will be concerned with how often she gets to interact with others.
A few things you could look into. See if the local library has a reading time for kids. Also look into a MOMs club and or MOPS. Some local churches may have activities and/or programs as well.

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