Caught in the Act? How to Cope.

Ah, sweet bedtime. The kiddos are tuckered out and tucked in. You’re (miraculously) still awake. Even better, you’ve finally stolen a moment alone with your spouse. Things get amorous, and you’re too caught up in the moment to notice the sound of little feet padding down the hall. “Mommy? Daddy?” You glimpse your pajama-clad child standing in your bedroom doorway with a quizzical expression. Meanwhile, you’re dying a thousand parental deaths as you frantically try to calculate just how big an eyeful your little one got.

Yes, this cringe-inducing scenario is regrettable. But it may not be as bad as you think. Here’s how to handle the aftermath of an accidental peep show.

Lock talk

Parents can ward off this purely preventable incident by simply installing a locking bedroom doorknob. Once children are old enough to get out of their bed at night, a bedroom doorknob that locks creates safe boundaries for kids—and provides parents with welcome security and peace of mind during sex. “Bedroom door locks are there for a reason. Parents should use them!” says Kevin Leman, Ph.D., author of dozens of marriage and parenting books including A Chicken’s Guide to Talking Turkey with Your Kids About Sex.

Dial down the details

But what about when your young child breezes through your lockless (or unlocked) bedroom door during lovemaking? Start by taking a moment to collect your thoughts (and possibly, your clothing). As with any embarrassing situation, your first instinct may not be your best response. When you’re flustered, it’s easy to say too much or say the wrong thing, says Melisa Shelton, M.S., a school psychologist in the Seattle area. “I recommend taking short break to regain some composure before plunging into an explanation.”

Next, don’t assume that your child saw everything—or much of anything. A preschool-age child is probably not aware of what’s happening under those sheets, says Leman, so giving too much detail or long, clinical explanations will just confuse him. “Most three and four year olds won’t have a clue, even if they do see something,” he adds. Thankfully, that means parents usually can let themselves off the hook with a simple “Mommy and daddy were hugging, because we love each other” response for tots and very young children.

Birds and bees

Don’t try the gloss-it-over tactic once kids are out of preschool, though. For children older than five, an age-appropriate explanation is in order. “Kids of this age probably know and think more about sex than parents realize,” says Leman. “So parents should approach the topic honestly.”

As with any parent-child dialogue about sex, a parent’s ultimate goals are to answer questions honestly without oversharing and leave the door open—so to speak—for future talks. Do this with a short, reassuring conversation that occurs soon after the walk-in (ideally, the following day). Bring it up yourself; waiting for a child to raise the topic puts the responsibility on the child’s shoulders, instead of on yours. And though some forthright children may spit out questions rapid-fire, others may feel too ashamed or nervous to broach the topic, and wait for a parent to take the lead.

Now is not the time to introduce new terminology or confusing concepts. “Put yourself in your child’s shoes,” advises Shelton. “Remember how differently (and simply) a child perceives any situation.” Instead, draw on the information you know your child already knows about sex, by saying something like, “Remember when we talked about how babies are made?”

Indeed, the entire situation is easier to handle if a child has already listened to the “birds and bees” talk—which should happen in early elementary school, says Leman. “If your child is over eight and you’ve never talked about sex with him or her, you’ve waited too long.”

The morning after

Ready to broach the big topic? The morning after the “incident,” steal a quiet moment with your child, away from siblings, friends, the television, and other distractions. Start with “Hey, you know when you walked into our room last night? I’m sorry. We have a lock on our bedroom door for that reason, and we should have used it.” Leading with an apology lets the child know that she did nothing wrong by walking in, says Leman.

Because a child might be frightened by what he saw, it can be helpful to portray sex as a completely normal, even universal, part of marriage and adulthood. “Saying, ‘This is what mommies and daddies do—all mommies and daddies,’ makes it more universal and less threatening or scary,” says Leman. Use factual, plain language, and answer any questions a child asks, without supplying additional information or answering questions the child isn’t asking.

The best post-walk-in talk is one in which the parent feels comfortable and relaxed, notes Leman. “Speak to kids in comfortable language that’s comfortable for you. If you’re nervous, that lets kids know that this is a bad subject, something we don’t talk about.”

“It’s not a topic most of us want to embrace,” says Leman. “But it’s a teachable moment for kids and parents both.”

Malia Jacobson is a nationally published health and parenting journalist and mom of three. Her most recent book is “Sleep Tight, Every Night: Helping Toddlers and Preschoolers Sleep Well Without Tears, Tricks, or Tirades.”

Event Details

The traveling exhibition Our Global Kitchen: Food, Nature, Culture, has made its way to Houston for the first time, at The John P. McGovern Museum of Health and Medical Science. Organized by

Event Details

The traveling exhibition Our Global Kitchen: Food, Nature, Culture, has made its way to Houston for the first time, at The John P. McGovern Museum of Health and Medical Science. Organized by the American Museum of Natural History in New York, Our Global Kitchen: Food, Nature, Culture explores the complex and intricate food system that brings what we eat from farm to fork and considers how producers in the future might feed the Earth’s growing population. This exhibition will include digital interactives, dioramas, and striking models.

Large-format and interactive displays bring to life important global and cultural food ecosystems that affect our day-to-day relationship with food. The diets of iconic figures such as Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps and activist Mahatma Gandhi are also displayed as part of this exhibition, which will be at The Health Museum – Houston’s most interactive science and health learning center – from June 1, 2019 through October 20, 2019.

General admission to The Health Museum is free for children two and under; $8 for children 3 to 12 years old and seniors 65 and above; $10 for adults; and free on Thursdays for families. Active and retired personnel receive half-off admission for up to four people. General admission also provides access to the museum’s multiple exhibits. For more information about The Health Museum visit thehealthmuseum.org.

Time

June 1 (Saturday) 9:00 am - October 20 (Sunday) 5:00 pm

Location

Ages

All ages

Price

General admission to The Health Museum is free for children two and under; $8 for children 3 to 12 years old and seniors 65 and above; $10 for adults; and free on Thursdays for families. Active and retired personnel receive half-off admission for up to four people. General admission also provides access to the museum’s multiple exhibits.

Event Details

Sawyer Flea is back! Join us every Sunday starting, Sept 8th from 9am - 1pm on the corner of Sawyer and Edwards for a unique outdoor market featuring artisan foods

Event Details

Sawyer Flea is back! Join us every Sunday starting, Sept 8th from 9am – 1pm on the corner of Sawyer and Edwards for a unique outdoor market featuring artisan foods and artisan goods. Bring the whole family including your four legged furry friend.