“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”
― Oscar Wilde

What is it about sex? Why does it catch everyone’s attention in a way that other subjects do not? Let’s face it if you open a newspaper and there is some scandalous snippet about a well-known politician, do your eyes not immediately wander over to what you might perceive to be something juicy, something to gossip about on the telephone, by the water cooler: “Who would have thought it? Yes, and he’s married with three children!” Sex elicits shock, surprise, disbelief, smugness. It questions morality. It excites. It turns you off. It turns you on. It can bring on a headache. Some can take it, others prefer to leave it. Some will only do it if you put a ring on it. Or so Beyoncé would have us believe.

So what is this three letter word all about? Why is it so pivotal? Is it because we cannot exist without it? We can’t exist without the air we breathe, but does talk of “air”, (incidentally another three letter word) impact the human race in quite the same way as sex does? An article on air and an article on sex? Which do you read first? Air or sex? Sin -an old-fashioned word with religious connotations. Sin too is pivotal to the human condition. Who doesn’t sin each day, intentionally or not. Sin excites, shocks and questions morality, but not in the same way as sex does.

We cannot live without sex. It is central to our lives. And if this is the case, why is it not revered? The association with dirt cannot be denied. When I was growing up, my mother could not say the word “sex”. So I was introduced to menstruation, by being given a little pamphlet about it with the warning: “Don’t fool around boys”. That was the extent of my sex education from the woman who gave birth to me. You would have thought that I would have been given more detailed information from someone who had been there, done it, got the “T” shirt – right? So the shy, confused eleven year-old, was left to negotiate her own sexual journey armed with a pamphlet and an ambiguous statement. What exactly did “don’t fool around boys mean”? Don’t appear to be an idiot in the presence of boys? What would a boy consider to be foolish behaviour?

Sex, sadly is also a commodity. This some would say, beautiful expression of connection between two people can be bought, sold, bartered, negotiated, and disposed of. Sex has been reduced to a retail concern, with economic connotations. Just as you can “pop” to Tesco for your bread, milk and potatoes, you can pop out to buy sex too. Both sustain you. But when was the last time you got excited about spending a night in with your loaf of bread? Isn’t sex more satisfying? Especially with a loved one with whom you’ve forged emotional ties.

So what is sex? A beautiful expression of connection or a physical urge which needs to be satisfied? It would appear to be both. A sexual paradox?

And then, there’s abuse. Using sex to ruin a child’s life. Wrong! Forcing yourself on an individual who does not want to be part of your desire to satisfy your own physical urge. Wrong! How can it be acceptable to be irresponsible about sexual gratification if it involves stealing a child’s right to explore their own sexuality in their own time, at their own pace, when they want to? Yet this is what child molesters, paedophiles, and those inclined to this criminal behaviour would want to impose on those of us who find this reprehensible. This is not sex. This is depravity. Make no bones about that. Once you have stolen someone’s innocence, you might as well have killed them. Yes, I know this is unpalatable for many. But it is the reality. I have to shock you. Because I have no other way of stressing the hurt, the pain, the distress, the emotional turmoil, the mental turmoil, the taking of a valuable life. Who knows what that child, young person would have achieved had they not found it necessary to heal that trauma in later life? Hiding away from the world, instead of boldly shining their light.

So I’ve dealt with “sex” and I’ve touched on “ties”. Now you’re wondering what I’m going to say about “which road to take”. It was in fact a play on the words “Sex, Lies and Videotape”, that well known film starring Andie Mcdowell and James Spader. I have nothing more to say than I hope you appreciate my pun.

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73 thoughts on “Sex, Ties and Which Road Do I Take?”

Sex is a monumental topic to take on. As you say, we cannot exist without it. Most of the poems and songs written over the ages have dealt w/ war, sex or both.

That sex and sin are closely intertwined, in this fallen world, is best illustrated by abuse. And abuse is depravity — an ultimate act of selfishness, no doubt about it.

The loss of innocence is, I agree, a kind of emotional death. The metaphor you have chosen is appropriate. The loss of innocence to abuse leaves behind a mangled, even amputated, limb for what should be the full flowering of the life force. That loss changes the shape of the world for us.

Amazingly though there is life after abuse. Warriors are created. Poets regain their voice and a new, if perhaps darker, inspiration. Love raises its head from amid the ashes. You, yourself, are proof.

This triumph does not lessen the depravity of abuse, or its damage. But it plants the seed of a new tomorrow. ❤

I agree sex is a monumental topic to take on. I have probably only touched the tip of the iceberg highlighting as was my aim the detrimental effect that sex which is not consensual has on an individual. In your usual way, you have added other noteworthy dimensions to this as only one can do when one has sadly experienced this first hand.
I can only reiterate your very apt observations: there is undoubtedly life after abuse and indeed warriors are created as can be witnessed by the number of brave, courageous and wonderful people who blog about their experiences, wanting to share and empathise and give hope to others who have been crippled but not completely broken by sexual abuse. Your voice rings out clear and true amongst many.
Your final sentence is a mantra all survivors of abuse should firmly hold on to and repeat as often as they need to. Thank you, Anna.

Wow, this was a very profound read my friend.
Many things come to mind. First, Sophia ‘s remark from “The Color Purple.” You might remember that she said, “A girl child ain’t safe in a house full of men.” When I first heard that, I remember discussing with friends how true that statement can be.
In fact, I can remember being handled, touched, grabbed and more at a very young age by people whom I trusted.
Fortunately for me, I was blessed not to have experienced the worse but I do have a reverence for those who have. I credit that to my mom; she was very watchful.
The second thing that came to mind is a book that I read by Cynthia Bond called “Ruby.” I don’t know if you’ve read it but it is DEEP.
The author is a survivor of sexual trauma. The book goes to some REALLY dark places.
I would love to share a link to a conversation that Ms. Bond had with Oprah. If it’s cool with you, I’ll share it in another comment.
Thanks for this post and thanks for clearing up the fact that child sex abuse is a form of soul slaughter. I worked in the mental health field for 5 years and I have talked to countless victims. I have had a man in his late 50’s cry during a discussion about the fact that he was sexually abused so early in life that he never had the option to fully explore his sexual identity. It was heartbreaking.
Sorry to have taken so much space !
Again, excellent post 🙂

Thank you Lady G for commenting in depth about this post. And thanks too for sharing your own personal experiences. It is not easy to talk about sexual abuse, many people treat it as if it is something to be hushed up, or on the other hand as if it something to be completely ignored. Then there are others who don’t want to believe it actually happens and in many cases blame the victim for what has happened to them. None of these responses to child sex abuse or indeed any incidence of sex abuse is to my mind acceptable. The more we turn a blind eye, sweep it under the carpet, or deny a victim’s experience, the more we give carte blanche to this depravity which impacts a survivor’s life in ways that one can never begin to imagine. The damage is colossal. Please don’t be sorry to have taken so much space – you can never be accused of that when confronting an issue which is current and which affects many of us. I didn’t mention Donald Trump in this piece, but believe me, his admission to what he sees as “locker room” talk, illustrates that even presidential candidates don’t see their sexual abuse as anything other than a mere triviality. Imagine?! They are not ashamed in any way. Unfortunately it is the victim who carries the shame. I have not read Ms Bond’s “Ruby”, and would be very interested to share the link you mention. Thanks again for sharing.

Thank you Marie 🙂
The only way to highlight the severity of the topic is to talk about it. I know it’s not easy for survivors but light has a way of healing things.
BTW, I simply cannot with Trump; he was banished from my dominion months ago 🙂
The Lady has spoken! So let it be written, so let it be DONE!!!
No, seriously, I am happy to share this link. It contains a very small snippet but you can click on additional links for more of the full interview.
By the way, if you decide to read the book . please let me know what you think 🙂
Peace to you my sweet 🙂http://www.supersoul.tv/supersoul-sunday/what-author-cynthia-bond-knows-for-sure-about-survival-2

Thanks Lady G. You are a wonderful person, compassionate and understanding and evidently very willing to fill in any gaps in your knowledge about this. If you can bear to read more, then can I suggest you read Anna Waldherr’s blog in which this brave survivor of incest abuse speaks about her own experiences and works tirelessly to highlight how abuse impacts lives. I know you are not a survivor, thank God, but she writes eloquently about the damage it does and also offers ways of rising above it and becoming your best authentic self. Thank goodness you are not a Trump supporter, you and I would have to part company. lol, No seriously though, he is a sleazy dirtbag. I hope this isn’t libellous! lol
I will read the link and let you know my thoughts. Peace to you too. We haven’t had many laughs about this topic, but I can’t think of you without smiling. 🙂

My dear Marie, it cannot be libellous if it is TRUE! Now that’s where the laughter comes in 🙂
I read and liked Anna’s comment on this post. If I haven’t already, I plan to follow her blog. By means of magic she left a very nice comment on my Dad’s post earlier this morning.
Isn’t that something?
By the way, you are quite wonderful yourself 🙂

HA HA HA HAHA! The Lady speaks! Libel and truth are not bedfellows – thanks for the headsup! Anna left a comment on your dad’s post?! Your dad is Ron who thinks my writing is superb? Well I never!! There is something at play in the universe – what a small world?!! Forgive me Lady G if Ron is not your dad – I have been known to commit terrible faux pas in putting 2 + 2 together and getting 5! lol

LOL!!! This is getting GOOOOOOD!
LOL!!!
Ron is my first cousin. Actually, my Dady and his Mom are siblings.
My Dad guest posts on my blog under a series called “True Railroad Stories” and Ron, who has his own blog, is also featured on my blog on Fridays (Ron’s Time Tunnel).
I am on the floor laughing at these magical coincidences 🙂

You’re on the floor laughing??? Where do you think I am? I am rolling around on the floor too. As luck would have it, it’s a nice fluffy pile, so I can’t do my old bones any damage. Magical coincidences – I like that! So Ron is your cousin? I was wondering why he was liking everything that I commented on on your posts. It all makes sense now. I’m going to visit True Railroad Stories – maybe not tonight, but soon. Life is funny isn’t it Lady G? Had I not seen your enchanting post on chocs and cheeseburgers, we would not have made this delightful acquaintance. And the cherry (get it?) on the top and the other side to this magical triangle is that Anna is known to both of us. Wow!

Lady G, I listened to the link you sent me and it’s very powerful stuff. Thank you so much for taking the time and trouble to find it and also to know that I would find this extremely helpful.
In a way it mirrors a lot of what survivors feel and there is a certain feeling of solidarity in knowing that someone else has felt this way and that they can offer you tips and suggestions to help you with your own struggles. They are saying I came through this and so can you. Very inspiring!

No worries Sis! I keep things like that in the back of my mind for future reference all the time. I am a walking bag of resources! LOL!!!
The important thing is that you found it to be helpful. I knew it would be.
There’s something about her that is so reassuring.
I hope that you check out more of the interview 🙂

Lady G that was very insightful. If I may add, I think today’s generation of young ladies do not understand these type of rules. Being oblivious and not aware of your surroundings etc. My great grandma who was from Shreveport LA would say “The rise of the dick is dangerous.” And maybe it’s a southern thang but hearing her say that and hearing you talk about the color purple is synonymous. I can’t tell you enough how many times I have to tell my daughter or nieces to cover up or cross their legs. Can we agree that our old fashion values do not go well with this sexual freedom of today? Thank you for sharing your experiences ladies and enlightened us. I could be wrong but that oblivion culture hits home to me.

Yes Lady G’s comments are insightful and I like the link she makes between this and the film. “The rise of the dick is dangerous!”: your great grandma sure has a way with words. the old ones are definitely the best ones. lol

It’s good that you look out for your female relatives, Tareau. There are so many people out there just ready to take advantage of innocent young ones. And it’s also good to see things from a man’s point of view too – thanks for sharing.

Hey Tareau!
Thank you for your kind words. In my mind, part of the problem is the breakdown of the extended family structure here in the US. There was a time when children were closely watched by Grandmother (in the South, where I’m from, we called them Madear or Big Mama).
Nowadays, Grandma is only 12 years older than her daughter. As my cousin Ron would say, that is not enough time for the generation to fully develop and come into some wisdom before a new one is coming along. Now, don’t get me wrong, I understand that in the days of yore, our great grandmothers had children early too, but back then there was a strong family structure made up of watchful Aunties and other wise women in the neighborhood.
Those days are gone and many young mothers didn’t receive the kind of guidance that women in my generation and before mine did.
You know, it’s sad to say this but your Great-Grandmother was right. Young children don’t have the freedom to simply be without having to worry about being sexually abused.
So, long story gone too long, I do thing that we can agree that younger kids, in many cases, aren’t being properly guided to be mindful of their actions and their surroundings.
But what worries me even more than that is the fact that some people simply refuse to respect any boundaries and are hell bent on getting their rocks off–regardless to who it’s with–usually the closest person available–children and vulnerable people become a prime target for a monster who refuses to control his urges.
Sorry, I went too long again Marie but this is an interesting conversation.

I worry about that having 2 autistic kids. Special needs kids are the biggest targets for sexual predators. You always have to asks the Aides about their ADULT LIFE. The reason is because these kids are vulnerable, there is so much trust that you put into these people. If they aren’t getting their sex from an adult, where do u think they will get it from?? My godfather once told me something in relevance to age and dating: If you don’t know, don’t go. Meaning if you are questioning if a young lady is of legal dating age, don’t pursue. I also feel that the Internet is not helping the child trafficking epidemic or child molestation cases. Just think that kids are ENCOURAGED to connect with adults via Internet. Like in school now, why should the janitor be in your child’s friends list? See that’s a No no. Kids also (mainly due to social media) that they can talk to adults any kind of way. I try talking to my daughter about sex but she gets awkward but I always try to tell her to respect herself. Meaning if you don’t like something someone is doing, speak up. I told her I can’t stop her from having sex when that times comes but just to be safe and responsible.

Yes, that is a big worry for parents of children with different abilities.
I will have to keep you and your babies in my prayers on the serious tip.
True story, when I was in first grade, the school janitor would call me out of line and give me special gifts. He would tell me that I was a pretty little girl and that he wished that he had a daughter like me. I don’t even know how he was able to do that without the teachers saying anything. Well, Mama found some of those little gifts he gave me and she asked me where I got them.
I told her.
Best believe she was at the school the next day. She didn’t tell the higher-ups, she just stepped to him directly!
YAAASSSS Queen Diva Eva was fierce! God rest her soul…..
I’m still not exactly sure what transpired but he stopped focusing on me. I asked Mama later, and she said that he told her that I reminded him of his daughter that he was never allowed to see.
He coulda been running game, but we’ll never know.
In later years, I asked Mama if she thought that he was trying to ‘prime me’ and she said, “He knew better than that shit, your Daddy would have killed him.”
Crazy but true 🙂

I am so glad that your Mama was there for you Lady G. We don’t want to judge the janitor, he may have been an honest person. But his behaviour seems to me a little suspect. Why was he targeting you? Why didn’t he keep his thoughts to himself regarding the fact that you were pretty? As a janitor in the school he had no business focussing on you in this way: you were a child. And not his child. He was an employee and should have been concentrating on the job he was there to do. Your Mama was right to take matters in her hands and make sure that you were safe. You could so easily have been another statistic. Thanks for sharing this story, which is something that should be taken very seriously as an example of how these people work. He should not have been giving you gifts. Or if he did, he should have been upfront and given gifts to every child in a very public way if he wanted to make a generous gesture. The whole thing sounds (smells?) fishy!

Tareau, you are right to be concerned and you need to be especially vigilant. Always follow up something that you don’t feel is right. It is better to be safe than sorry. No one will be upset with you over an honest mistake. If you feel uncomfortable about a situation which concerns your children, don’t hesitate to voice your concerns to the appropriate authorities.

Thank you for sharing. You make a lot of valid points. This conversation has really taken off hasn’t it? What have I started? I mean well though.:)

Hahahahah it has. But you see this is what society doesn’t talk about. I’m pretty sure you and Lady G can attest to this. Remember when as kids, whenever there was boys around young ladies, your mama or granny would tell y’all to keep the doors ooen, put on ya house coat, put on a bra or panties etc. Those rules are gone. Like Lady G said, the generations are younger so rules don’t apply

Tareau you always manage to hit the nail right on the head. You explain everything with just the right words. Are you really a woman pretending to be a man? LOL You just seem to know the right things to say. I am going to hit the sack now – it’s nearly midnight here. It’s been great chatting the three of us. Same time tomorrow? I am JOKING!!! Stay safe ’til the next time.

I knew you had to have had a lot of female influence in your life. I can see that you have a very strong feminine side by the way your caring nature shows through your comments. This is not to say that men are not caring people – it’s just that you equate nurturing with the female role.:) I am in England. London to be exact. In the borough of Enfield which is in north London. I’ve been here about 6 years. I have moved about quite a lot: I seem to be a bit of a nomad. 🙂

Lmfao my neighbor is from Westmeath. If I ever go across the pond, I wanna see Scotland Yard, big Ben, London Eye, Buckingham palace and touch the English Channel and the river Thames. All the touristy stuff

Are you still up T??? This is a nice surprise. I’ve only just got up myself to go to the ladies – bet you really wanted to know that!!! LOL I don’t know Westmeath. If you ever come across the pond, I’m sure arrangements can be made for you to see all those sights. What are the exciting landmarks to see in San Francisco? Do I need to wear “flowers in my hair”? LOL

You got the M & P reference. Yeeeaaaaah! I’ve scrolled through practically 40 of your posts and I can’t see the post called “America Rape Culture”. When did you write it? Is it recent or at the beginning of your blogging? Or perhaps you can send a link?

ha ha hahhahahha, Mr Barron. You are so funny! Thank you for the link which I will read and of course you will be waiting for feedback won’t you? I’ll let you have that soon. I also have to thank you for directing Darryl Walker to “Sex, Ties and Which Road do I Take?” I couldn’t have asked for a better PR person.:) You do know that I don’t pay for these services don’t you? LOL But I’m happy that you have promoted me which has made me very happy. 🙂

Hahhahaha Daryl has taught me so much in this short time as a blogger. Same as yourself and Lady G and others. I find myself reading your posts on my downtime instead of watching TV or movies now. Yes I know you don’t pay but you owe me 1 British Pound for that.

LM*HO: I’m leaving out the * since my daughter told me what this meant! I’m not quite ready to use that word yet although I have been blogging about that same subject. LOL Whaaat an amazing compliment to me. You’re reading my stuff in your downtime. I am so so , I can’t even think of a word that describes how happy I am about this. Aww you’ve made my Sunday! If/when you come over here, you can collect the 1 British Pound. I’ll put it in a savings account marked for my Publicist. When you come over it should be worth a fortune. hahahaha

Lady G, don’t let me hear any more nonsense about you going on too long. You go on as long as you want to girl. You have something to say and it needs to be said, and I and those of us who regard this as a very important issue are more than willing to listen. If what you say helps one child then we have taken the first step and that sometimes is the hardest to take. From there, mountains can be moved. So you say what you want to say and take up as much space as you want to.
Darling, I have to say though that although you have written a lot that makes sense, all the aunties and family networks in times gone by have not stopped sexual abuse of children. Over here in the UK, droves of adult women and men are coming forward reporting historical sexual abuse when they were kids. These people are in their 50s, 60s and 70s!!!! So the point I’m trying to make my love, is that this thing has no just started happening now, today. It has been going on for well over half a century and even further back. Some of those aunties and grandmothers were themselves interfered with and they never could speak out about it. That is why we now have to move forward and look out for our kids. Those predators are still out there – a lot of them are fathers, uncles, brothers and the good family friends. It’s shocking but we have to make the younger generation aware that they can turn to adults and tell what is happening to them and to know that they will be believed and something will be done to protect and shield them from predators.

This is an interesting conversation and one that needs to be kept on the front burner. We cannot afford to ruin the lives of the next generation by ignoring this – too many adults now are currently hurting and don’t know why. They don’t know how damaging this has been to them. They come into doctors surgeries complaining of physical illnesses when it is psychological trauma that is affecting them. Now, I’m sorry I’ve gone on too long. 😦 Take care Lady G.

Oh thank you Marie, now I don’t feel so bad for talking so much.
No, I totally agree, I do know that this thing has been going on for years and yes, there were mamas that had it done to them and then there were mamas that did it to others.
It would probably scare the bejeesus out of people if they really knew the depth of this epidemic–yes, I used the word epidemic.
In thinking about my previous comment, I probably should have qualified my statement a bit more and spoke only about my experiences vs making generalizations.
I do know that my mom was hyper-vigilent–almost to the point of paranoia. Honestly Marie, I have never vocalized this but I have often wondered if something sexually traumatic happened to her in childhood. I wonder that because she tended to watch so closely. If not her, maybe someone close to her.
Anyway, whenever I told my mom about something inappropriate, she was very quick to confront the issue.
The only thing that I know to do is to advise children and anyone who is experiencing this or any other type of violence to tell and KEEP telling until somebody listens.
But, the problem with that is that it is not feasible in all cases; especially with young children, children/people with disabilities or women who are financially dependent on their victimizer.
Wow…it’s just so overwhelming to fathom the depth and breadth of this situation.

It is possible that something traumatic happened to your mom. I sincerely hope that it did not though. I would like to think that your mom was doing what any mom would do in the circumstances: and that is to protect her child. Maybe your mom was very aware of the types of people who interfere with children and she made it her priority to make sure you were safe.

In times gone by, some mothers would perhaps turn a blind eye. Some even refused to believe that this could happen, preferring to disbelieve their child and support an abusive partner.

As I said to Tareau, it is always the right thing to do to be vigilant about your children and any concerns that you have about them. If you feel uncomfortable about a situation, voice your concerns. Do not brush things under the carpet as this is what abusers want you to do. It makes it easier for them to carry out abusive acts.

I agree this is overwhelming. In a way I wish I didn’t have to start the conversation because it’s not a nice topic, but it has to be brought to the attention of everyone. We need to keep our children safe at all costs. Thanks Lady G for all your insights and your valuable comments.

Marie, I am glad that you brought the topic up and I feel it my responsibility to add some value, if I can, to the topic.
I think it was an excellent start to a long and ongoing conversation.
Thanks for starting a necessary fire!
Love and light to you!
Goodnight from the US to the UK 🙂

Although it isn’t a pleasurable subject, it has been a real pleasure chatting. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep up with you and Tareau and all the comments! But it has been fun and I hope I haven’t left out anything that I wanted to reply to. Forgive me if I have. Let’s keep the fire burning and throw petrol on it. ha ha. I mustn’t take bad thing make joke as my old mom would say.
Love and light to you dear and let’s add some more fuel to the fire next time we chat. Goodnight from the UK. I know it’s early evening there but it’s nearly midnight here and I need my beauty sleep. LOL

Besides humans, dolphins are believed to only have sex for pleasure. One has to factor in what was once taboo is not anymore. Sexual liberation with no boundaries is what the masses sells. Unfortunately there’s too many bad things that happens with just NSA sex. It’s like my analogy on ice cream or other junk foods: Remember back in the day, you weren’t able to get desserts every night after dinner? You maybe got it on Friday and Saturday night. Now society tells you to wake up at 2am and go get that dessert from the drive through. I feel sex should be earned just like desserts. It’s too easy (for me 😉 ) to get hahahahaha. Sad but true. Sex is all around us unrealistic sexual expectations mixed in with subliminal lust is taking that passion and romance out of it.

Thank you for that most enlightening piece of information at the start. I did not know that. This has started my brain working overtime: how do scientists find out this sort of thing? Do they conduct experiments on the sexual activity of dolphins? And how would they do this? And how do they conclude that the dolphin is actually deriving pleasure? Perhaps this is something you can do as “homework” and report back to me. LOL

I agree with you to some extent that sexual liberation is open to the erosion of boundaries. But I also think that sex has always been available “on tap” as it were. From an historical context, sex has never really been only available in limited amounts. There has always been the sex trade, orgies, and sexual abuse. I think the only difference in present day is that people talk about it more. And due to media reporting, we are privy to sex scandals whether or not we want to hear or read about them. Of course I agree with you that speaking openly about sex was once taboo.

I am not sure Tareau, though that I entirely agree with you about sex should be earned, but I have a feeling that I know what you mean when you say this. I think that we have to be open about the fact that sex is a complex subject which means different things to different people and as such you cannot say that one size fits all. Please excuse that glaringly un-intended pun. What I’m trying to say is that I don’t think that it should be earned personally. For me, I think it is a very personal and intimate expression of love and caring. The biological uses are of course obvious – we need it to procreate.

That said, there are others who regard it as a function: purely as sexual release. Others romanticise it and only believe that it is part of a loving relationship. Still more, others see it as a pleasurable pastime: hence one-night stands etc. Others view it as a power tool or weapon to be used to gain favours. I could go on, but I think you see where I am going with this. Who am I to say how sex should be regarded by society as a whole? My point in this piece was really to highlight the fact that sex should be consensual between adults, and not used abusively to the detriment of the lives of women and children. Thank you for sharing your view.

I am coming to the conclusion that sex is about the pleasure men receive from dominating women. It is sadistic. The male identity revolves around degrading women. Sexism creates a world of meaning for men – he is able to define himself as fully human.

Thank you Darryl. I have read the poem and left a comment on your post. I thought your poem was very good and quite powerful and shocking which I presume you meant it to be, so that it would impact the reader in a way that would make them think very seriously about this.
Your point of view after reading my post is interesting because it’s always good to get a masculine viewpoint. Writing as a woman and being personally affected by many of the things I write about makes me somewhat subjective, so it balances out the picture when someone comes with another angle to the situation.
I’d like to think that not ALL men view sex as a way of dominating females. That to me seems very sad. There are good and loving men out there who engage in honest and equal relationships which are healthy and liberating. It’s just a shame that there are some out there who spoil it for the really good men out there.

Very true. Thanks again for the comment on my piece! I have a few questions below for you:

I acknowledge that it is not all men, but it is very similar to the cliche (paraphrasing) “evil prevails because good men sit by and do nothing”. The same goes for whites, cops, etc. There are good men but I think they are outweighed by the bad – seeing as women have been oppressed for a very, very long time.

Good men may not be abusing their women, but do you think they are guilty for not stopping their friends with their locker room talk? Are they guilty for laughing as their buddy jokes about using a woman for sex? If so, does the distinction between good men and bad men become unproductive? What do you think?

What a good point you make about good men doing nothing. Have you read my post “Taboo or Not Taboo”? It’s on ComeFlywithme, like this one is, but I think I wrote it in September. Please have a look when you have a moment. It would be good to hear what you think. We seem to be referring each other, you, Tareau and I backwards and forwards today. It’s funny how we are all talking about the same sorts of things: sex, violence, racial equality etc.
I absolutely agree that good men, sitting by and not calling out their buddies when they indulge in “locker room talk”, is as bad as if they were actually carrying out these acts themselves.
These men are afraid. It’s pack mentality. They don’t want to seem to be a kill-joy. Funny I should use that expression, because it is Freudian isn’t it? They are killing the joy of women and children when they do nothing to prevent or stop other men offending. This whole situation cannot and will not change as long as men see themselves as what you say in your poem that they are kings and women are their “bitches”.

I am glad that we are all on the same wavelength. You are absolutely right about the pack mentality. It happens with me all the time: with my friends, family, etc – I do not want to risk being isolated, so I just let it go. I am a “good guy” because I do not beat my girlfriend – but I am behaving unethically and, in the final analysis, am an enemy to women for not standing up to my fellow men.

It’s a brave man that can stand up in the “pack” because they don’t want to be ripped apart and torn to pieces by the pack. So don’t beat yourself up too much about what you see as your failure to save woman-kind. Let us do the best we can by using our voices to speak up in a “safe” forum and hope that soon, these things will be a thing of the past. There are braver people than us who are working for women to be treated with respect, which includes equality, freedom and all the things that we would wish for in a perfect world. Sadly we are a long way off, but at least the journey has been started.

Excellently written piece Marie.. And yes brought home a very good message. Sex is a tool also used to exploit, Going back into the so called ‘dark-ages’ when sex was a taboo subject a crime and unwed mothers had their children taken from them..

I applaud your article Marie I could go on and on myself but you said it very well 😉

Thank you Sue. Absolutely spot on with your comment. We’re not quite out of those ‘dark-ages’ yet. Still a way to go, but thankfully things have improved. That babies should be wrenched from their mothers is unspeakable. Surely there should have been more care for these unwed mothers and their babies. What a cold-hearted approach to this situation. Kicking out a young mother out of her home because she is pregnant and un-married is barbaric – that is when you most need love and security. It beggars belief! Thank you for highlighting this.

Yes it beggars belief as you say .. So much of our way of thinking is indoctrinated into us .. And woman are still being treated abominably .. Those ‘Dark Ages’ we speak off may have moved on so we think.. But we have still a long long way to go .. ❤

Thanks for bringing that to my attention. Yes I was only thinking of the West. This is incredibly depressing isn’t it? I wish that there wasn’t so much inhumanity. What is it with the human race? Is it so hard to be peace-loving and caring towards one another? (rhetorical – please don’t think you have to find an answer for me).

I have asked this question over and over in my mind it seems to me at times we have an inbuilt ‘Gene’ to be aggressive and Defensive. We can not even get families to care and love one another. So the Countries of the world with all of their differences are not going to make peace any time soon.. Despite ALL of my on thoughts and prayers.. ❤

Sue, please don’t think I’m being facetious here, but can you not get some information from your guide about why we as a race find it hard to love and care for each other? I guess that’s not the sort of info we are privy to, I guess? 🙂 We must not give up hope for a better world though and as you say continue to pray unceasingly for change for all. xx

🙂 Big smiles here Marie.. Believe me in the beginning I would ask and ask. Also I asked why is it I could see on the horizon of others lives future events unfurling ( all be it they were not cast in stone as events change because each of us affects them ) I was told ‘if we told you your own future and you didn’t like it.. You would side step it, so the lessons intended would not be learned’.. Made sense .. As for the Good and Bad..
I have come to understand we are here on this planet of FREE WILL.. and I is a a planet of Choice.. We are here to experience Duality.. And so learning within this vibration means we can not experience One thing without there being another.. Night Day – Light Dark- Good Bad.. Love Hate etc..
We think we are a very advanced race, when in fact we are very primitive which is why we are learning through Emotion.. And our Consciousness.

Very interesting Sue. I so wish I could meet with you for tea/coffee and really have a good chat about this. You can only say so much on WordPresss.

It’s fascinating this stuff and there is so much I would like to know. It seems so unlikely that we (spirits, souls) come here and suffer so much. If we are able to see what it is from another dimension (I mean all the suffering that life throws at you) why on earth would you consider coming here? Is it that in the spiritual realm these hardships and suffering, cruelty etc are not viewed the way they are when we actually live the reality? (rhetorical question!) Are we hardier in spirit than we are in a physical body? Questions! Questions! I need to read what you have written in order to process it a few times. It’s quite deep stuff! 🙂 x

Yes this is hard to fathom but then we are looking at it through the Human perspective.. If you try to take it out of that Human existence and See from a Spirit who is Growing, and who is Eternal then this space and time we endure here is but a blink of an eye.. Yes I Wish we could chat more also.. Did you find time to explore any of my Trance communications here on WP under that category . Some are mundane while others are enlightening 😉

Yes it is hard. The tendency is to want to think about these things in a logical manner. And from that perspective it is difficult to get your head around it. You really have to think about it in a 3-dimensional way. I don’t always find that easy to do. We as humans are trained to think in a certain way and to deviate from that feels very strange. It’s like people who don’t believe in the paranormal and nothing or none of your experiences will convince them otherwise. I’m probably tying myself up in knots here trying to clarify what it is I’m actually trying to say Sue, but I have a feeling you understand me well.
I am still reading through your Trance communications which are quite enlightening. 🙂

Yes I totally Get you and what you are saying Marie.. Some people have closed minds and no amount of Truth is going to alter their views lol.. Science is still among the biggest sceptics going and yet they still can not explain The Mind.. 🙂 But it is now interesting seeing how many are changing their views..
It reminds me a little of the History Books.. Many more should now be re-written and withdrawn as new facts around the world are revealed. And yet they are still being taught in schools.. We live in interesting times 🙂
And thank you for reading the trance series 🙂

Daal! You’re back! Wonderful! I had to chuckle when I read this. So you mean my little pamphlet on periods and an instruction “don’t fool around boys” was indeed more than you got? And there was I thinking I’d been short-changed! If I wasn’t laughing so much, I’d cry.

Our foster daughter struggles with the predatory abuse inflicted on her by her mother. The thing I find interesting is that we are all interested, horrified and shocked when actresses and actors suffer abuse but there seems to be less interest in rescuing the many, many children trapped in sex slavery around the world and abuse at home. There are more slaves living today than the entire amount of slaves who lived under slavery in America and it still remains only something hinted at.

Thank you Adrienne for taking the time to comment here. You make a very important point. I suppose in a way that we ought to be grateful that celebrity culture highlights abuse – that way more notice might be taken about the suffering of many children living in abusive situations in their home. You are absolutely right – more needs to be done.