Completely Lost My Temper

And now I feel awful because it really was a stupid reason to get so angry.

donning my flame proof suit as I type

DD is 5 (nearly 6) and as I was getting ready for work this morning I asked her to put some socks on as she was going to grandma's and could stay in her fluffy PJ's for the journey. She mentioned a specific pair of socks so I left her to it while I continued getting everything sorted.

Well, apparently she couldn't find the socks, I had no idea where they are and I was gradually losing my temper because she'd had at least half an hour to find them (she said she had them on in bed so they couldn't have gone far) but we were running out of time and I was going to be late for work so I picked a different pair out of her drawer and asked if she could wear them and we would look for the others when we got home later.

Cue tears, tantrums and ridiculousness because she absolutely had to have the specific socks she wanted. Cut to me literally screaming at her as she sat on her feet on the couch and refused to let me put the other socks on. I got so angry a smacked her leg (through fleecy PJ's so not like a sharp smack on a bare leg) and it obviously just made things worse. Not entirely sure what I was hoping the smack would achieve, hate smacking actually

We got to the point where I was going to drag her bare foot to the car.

I was so annoyed that she was kicking off over such a non-thing.

I very nearly swore at her (I didn't, and I never have and hopefully never will) but I was just cross that she was being so silly over a pair of socks, that she was going to make me late for work and I just couldn't reason with her, there was literally no talking to her. She HAD to have these stupid fucking socks!!!

I ended up putting some ugg type boots on her and eventually got her in the car where we didn't speak on the way to grandma's and when we got there I told her to get out, and told my mum how awful she'd been, which started DD off crying again (oh my poor mum).

God I feel like the shittest mum in the world. I was so angry and wound up that I punched the inside of the car door on the way to work and now have a bruised knuckle. (please note that this is NOT something I have ever done before, nor would I ever EVER raise my fist at DD, I just needed to let the anger out, I also screamed very loudly inside the car - it helped a little)

I really need to get a fucking grip but I honestly don't know how to handle these situations where DD is being ridiculous and I can't reason with her and we don't have time to do anything about it!!!!!

Shit happens. Sometimes we do lose our temper. I've taken my eldest kicking, screaming and crying across a gravel drive barefoot and in her pyjamas to school because she wouldn't get into her uniform. At school she was howling begging not to go in. I handed her her uniform and she put it on in the car.

Is she mentally scarred by this? Of course not! Would she pull that shit again? No. No she wouldn't. She has learned a lesson the unpleasant way. Same goes for your DD.

Yes but that personality will come into its own when she’s an adult. As frustrating it is for you now.

This won’t be the first time you knock heads trust me but picking your battles will help. Short of time? A choice between these socks or no socks and then plonk and dump in the car if she plays up. Sometimes they don’t get to negotiate, it’s part of life.

Are you getting a chance to decompress yourself? Some time to yourself type of thing? It’s important for our stress levels.

Hey. I’m not yet a mum but I can be pretty confident that what you’ve described does not make you the shittest mum everrrr.

I had to respond because I once had an irrational argument with my mum about socks. I was a little bit older, maybe 7 or 8? Anyway the only pair of socks available were this turnover item with a frilly trim. I haaaated them, we needed to go, just wear the socks etc. Anyway, I went and snipped the toes off the end of them and proclaimed that I couldn’t wear them because they were broken. I think the utter ridiculousness of this broke the deadlock, because I think my mum ended up laughing. I may have ended up wearing the socks with no toes anyway. It’s ok, we survived with no damage to our relationship

As an adult, I think I would look at short term and longer term solutions. Short term i’d model the ‘I got it wrong’ and apologise and reassure. Longer term I would think about what I could do to avoid a similar situation: if, then planning. As an adult we have the power to change this whilst children have the privilege of being apparently irrational..

I could walk away and breathe if I felt myself getting overwrought.I could do the bag pack the night before, or encourage kids to put together their wanted things? I rarely do this for myself, so I wonder if I’d ever succeed in creating the habit but it does work well when I actually do it....I could ask my kid if we could think of some good ideas together that make our mornings easier.I could make visual schedules of things that kids can do (but I’d have to give them time reminders)I could lower my standards maybe I will be late, maybe child will be barefoot, maybe I will make mistakes when I parent. I could take 5 mins to do something relaxing everyday so that I am slightly less likely to be overwhelmed by my delightful but irrational and annoying children....

They say it’s about what you do with mistakes that shows your true character. Apologies for writing parenting advice as a non parent, but these are things I might do in relation to finding myself flying off the handle disproportionately. Do disregard if they seem unrealistic.

It is frustrating, but I think you need to work on what to do when you are angry - because smacking your child (however/wherever/whenever) simply because you are angry is not right.

We did the shutting down thing from some parenting site... You want something done, you ask, then you give a time limit, then you just do it, so STILL no socks on, you go quiet, you get socks, you put them on her whilst being quiet. The being quiet and workmanlike usually gets over the fact that you mean business.