PP: Apparently going to parties, getting drunk/high is how you're supposed to live life. Thanks for the advice, kid at my employment program, I had no idea that being doing stupid shit with people I don't like is how you live.

Just lost my virginity to my best friend, though I kinda regret it. I don't think I'm emotionally cut out for a Friends With Benefits relationship, I just feel weird about it, and I'm not interested in her that way.

Syn- if you can find a competent one in your area, maybe see if you can go to a chiropractor to have him work over your wrists? The swelling *may* be manageable by making sure your wrists are adjusted*.

If the surgery that's done now is similar to the kind our friend had done, it's irreversible, and has some side effects for what he can do with his hands, like strength when manipulating things at certain angles. Though that might be less of an issue for you depending on what you do- for him this is largely limited to fatigue when doing a lot of constant mouse-clicking, and loss of leverage when doing car work from some positions.

I just mention this because Jenny sometimes gets similar symptoms, but so far hers can be managed by visits to the chiropractor and the occasional wrist tape.

*an adjustment is basically just making sure all the bones are lined up in the correct spots. If you've ever cracked your knuckles or popped your back, that's what that is. There're a surprisingly large number of ways your bits and pieces can come out of joint without you necessarily noticing.

I think this may be more of my nerves being suffocated by inflammation, but I'm going to see an orthopedic doc tomorrow, so maybe he might have some advice, like, "no, don't go under the knife yet!" I also have an appointment in a month with a neurologist to test how much of my nerves are dying to see if I'm a candidate for the surgery.

I just don't like the fact that this will be chronic. This bout was set off by helping to lift the side of a riding lawnmower, and if lifting heavy things sets it off, it really limits what kind of jobs I can apply for.

PP: People who say "I don't have the time to read a book", but then sit down and watch a show in It's entirety. It's not that you don't have the time, It's that you lack the patience and imagination required.

I agree! It's so mentally and physically straining! First, you first have put pick it up. Then you have to hold it at a level where you can see the words. And then you have to move your eyes back and forth upon the words while mentally processing the words into thoughts AND imagining the scenario the author is trying to describe. When you get to the end of one line, you have to position your eyes to the first word of the next line, and do it again and again. Talk about monotony! You're not done, oh no. Not by a long-shot. If you find that you've run out of words for your eyes and brain in front of you, new words won't just magically appear for you; you are now assigned the chore of lifting the right page (left, if the book is in Japanese. Different languages?! What is this, I don't even...) and dropping it onto the left side. This tedious chore can only be vanquished by mucking through to the very end and dropping the reading paraphernalia, or just dropping it outright.

I think this may be more of my nerves being suffocated by inflammation, but I'm going to see an orthopedic doc tomorrow, so maybe he might have some advice, like, "no, don't go under the knife yet!" I also have an appointment in a month with a neurologist to test how much of my nerves are dying to see if I'm a candidate for the surgery.

I just don't like the fact that this will be chronic. This bout was set off by helping to lift the side of a riding lawnmower, and if lifting heavy things sets it off, it really limits what kind of jobs I can apply for.

Well, when the inflammation / pressure is released (through the surgery or otherwise), as far as I've ever seen and heard, you get all the feeling back. It's not truly permanent, because it's not that the nerves are dead, just... squished. I guess that's a positive :/

Anyway, I hope it goes well for you, whatever solution they come up with. And my friend had his surgery almost ten years ago, I think, so maybe they've got better methods these days.

PP: I have a stack of books that I haven't found the time to read yet. I don't think we're likely to have a few hours of uninterrupted quiet time 'til September at this rate.

AP: Game of Thrones- we've just started the first season, but so far it's been a really excellent transfer from the books to the show. I haven't read all the books (missed out on the most recent one), but the show hasn't got past where I've read so far either, so that works.

Well, when the inflammation / pressure is released (through the surgery or otherwise), as far as I've ever seen and heard, you get all the feeling back. It's not truly permanent, because it's not that the nerves are dead, just... squished. I guess that's a positive :/

Anyway, I hope it goes well for you, whatever solution they come up with. And my friend had his surgery almost ten years ago, I think, so maybe they've got better methods these days.

PP: Thought he was getting out this time. Guess the DOC had other plans.

PP2: Took time off of work because I really needed a vacation before I snapped and burned the place to the ground. Turns out, I didn't turn in my paid vacation request form in during the correct time frame, so even though my boss is giving me the days off, corporate might not be paying me for them. Oh, and it helps that my major vacation plan was going to see my friend when he got out. But he didn't. Whoops.

Not really a PP since this is a BIG thing but there's nowhere else to put it so here goes.

PP: Found out today that my most recent ex has been pregnant since May and is getting my child aborted Wednesday. This is my second real girlfriend and the second one to abort my child. Fuck My Life. I mean logically it makes sense. Neither of us can take care of a kid right now. I have no job or income at all so I couldn't raise it and she works all the time. Plus due to her large size her doctor said it could cause health problems if she had the kid. But none of those things make it hurt any less. I hate life right now and just wanna go lie in a corner forever.