Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Feeling Blah

So I know why I am feeling blah. I am feeling guilty. I ate 4 of the mini size candy bars last night from Halloween. I could say that it was ok because I didn't eat lunch or because I am on my TOM but its not ok. I mean I know that this is not a diet and I know I will not deprive myself of anything but it is the fact that I ate 4. Then I feel guilty and think how can you sabotage yourself this way. Its crazy but I am not going to harp on it. I went to the gym today and skipped breakfast deliberately although I wasn't really hungry anyway. I will move on and continue.So I have set some goals for myself. I think they are ambitious but I will try and meet them. I want to lose 14 pounds by Christmas. after that 14 pounds I want to lose 20 pounds by March. Ok so wait a minute I need to tell you my weight. Nobody knows this apart from the doctors etc. I have never told anyone my weight before as I was so ashamed. It reminds me of when I was in the hospital with all my complications. My mum and my husband was there in the room with me and one of the many doctors came in to ask me the trillions of questions they need to. So of course they got to the question " How much to you weigh?" without saying anything my mum and my hubby got up and walked out of the room and the doctor looked at me and laughed and said" You have them trained well" It was funny because they know me so well and that I would not be able to say it in front of them. So here goes.....My initial weight was 224 pounds. My last weight at the doctors office was 194.4 pounds. So back to what I was saying. I want to weight 180 pounds by Christmas and 160 pounds by March. My goal weight is 140 pounds but I want to get pregnant next year. I am not sure if I want to weight until I get to 140 pounds so my goal pregnancy weight would be 160 pounds. Wow kind of feels ok to say my weight out loud. I cant wait to tell my husband that I weigh the same as him ( he is 6"1 and 160 lbs ).I will tell my family eventually what I weighed but 224 pounds but right now its too close . By the way I am only 5'2.Maybe soon I will be ready to post some pictures of myself.Well onwards and upwards or in our case downwards we go.

2 comments:

I know you probably think 224 pounds as an initial weight was probably really big but one thing I have learned through reading SO many blogs is almost all of us were bigger than that when we started. I was almost 250 pounds! (eek lol I had to do the conversion because here in Australia we work in kilos) You have done really really well so far. Keep going. You will make those goals :)