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I recently had a shoot on an undeclared nude beach in the South Bay area. I found a couple of things very striking. Mainly that there were probably at the height of beach-goer traffic there were probably 50-75 people at most throughout the day, which the most at once was probably around 40 people, of which two thirds or more were men, OF THE MEN ABOUT HALF WERE NUDE, WHILE THERE WAS ONLY ONE NUDE LADY THE ENTIRE DAY, all the other women were in shirts and shorts or bathing suits…Well besides myself, and she was only nude for about an hour and had her gentleman at her side at all times….. It immediately struck me: “Have we gotten to such a point within our society that we are so freaked out by the female form? Has it truly come back to a point that female nudity is taboo and sexualized?”

The beach was fairly long- around half to three quarters of a mile in length. In little time I noticed that the men all slowly started occupying mainly the area closest to where we were shooting, while the other three quarters of the beach lay pretty much empty. Sadly I can say ‘of course’ many of them focused on and tried to interact with myself and the photographer, much off the time fixing their eyes on my body….though some of it I believe may have been more curiosity about the shooting itself, the majority seemed less interested in anything other than the ‘NAKED GIRL’….I became fascinated and frustrated all mixed together. Why have we reverted to the female form being such a big deal? Why is it that the average person in our society sees a naked or topless woman and the immediately can only associate it with sex, domination, entitlement, and porn?
I remember growing up in the backwoods and mountains of Northern California. In the summer the temperature would get into the 100s and most would swim in the river naked- men, women, teens, children…It seemed a more even playing field….here I am 20 or so years later and women’s bodies are not respected enough to allow the majority to feel comfortable literally just in our skin….I am not sure that if it is maturity, a matter of general comfortability, or a response to the reversion in the status quo response to women’s bodies; I have found that I am more comfortable either nude or dressed semi-conservatively with minimal: cleavage/form fitting/short clothing. Sometimes I think it is just my own insecurities, but then I go out in a form fitting, low cut or short dress and am overwhelmed by inundation of sexual and negative attention. So I generally try not to ‘advertise’ my body by letting it be too visible.

I believe as women we need to re-claim our hold on our sexuality and the manner in which our bodies are viewed. We need more media portraying sex positive, non-exploitative, and under-sexualized femininity… We need to own and take pride in our breasts, thighs, asses, with pride and love; to remind the world that the beauty and mystery of the female form are to be revered and accepted as they are. I find it uncanny how much more comfortable I am nude than in a cocktail dress. I also think that it has to start in small strides. I am going to reclaim my sense of security despite negative attention and make more of an effort not to cover myself outside of my art…The more regular it is to see unapologetic beauty and practicalities, the less shock value it will hold. We need to educate our sons, brothers, friends, boyfriends, husbands, etc. that the female form (while being an incredibly powerful sexual form) is not mainly a sexual instrument, that no one is entitled to strictly sexualizing us, and that just because a girl decides to show more skin does NOT mean she deserves to be ogled, hassled, or used/viewed in solely a sexual manner.. Bodies are just bodies, we ALL have them, they ALL are different…We are all humans and thus deserve to be treated with respect and humanity.

Lost. Which way to turn?
No signs pointing in any particular direction. Ambiguous signs, do they lead astray?
“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
A loaded question, who really can honestly answer? We’re pressured all of our lives to follow this ideal, this American Dream. Who’s Dream is it any way? Not mine, that’s for sure.
What is my dream?
To be happy, truly and utterly happy…(I’ll settle for at least utterly content)
Whatever that means…
So many options: endless possibilities. So they say.

Musing

So much potential, just doesn’t apply herself. Apply to what?
Waiting. Wondering. A melancholy curiosity creeping in. Searching.
Endlessly Searching. For what?
The answer lies in the question.
Lost… Where is Found?
What to do? Constantly pulled in so many directions,
Follow your heart, inspiration
And if it was lost many years ago?

“Natural Beauty” These two words are emphatically pieced together by each new artist I encounter. Stated with many undertones, the most noticeable almost always seems to have some varying notes of surprise. Whether posing in front of a back drop, sitting in front of a musician, or laying before illustrators, the expression within

Lines, Shadows, Expression

the eyes that gaze upon me is only a slightly varied version of the same. Amuse I have inadvertently become. It is these moments of which I am the lump of clay being molded into the desired inspiration that I feel fleeting clarity

As a child I would dive into books to discover new worlds and learn about alternate existences. As I got older I would move from place to place. Each time I would get a peek into a new universe with new experiences teaching me about different experiences.. The displacement became a welcome refuge. It wasn’t until my first taste of foreign soil that I began to find the sustenance I had been longing for. A new hunger was awakened and I began to long for the brief periods of being; escape into the unknown. Each time I was dropped into a strange place, surrounded by strange sights and alien languages, I felt a sense of peace.

Now it has become a necessary experience to awaken my spirit. It is during my travels that I start to remember myself. But still the path is unclear. Pieces of mismatched puzzles lay scattered around me, but no picture shows itself. All parts of a whole– disjointed and lost. Forgotten is the placement and how all the parts fall into place. Each land I walk upon whispers it’s secrets but quite often it is all lost in translation. My limited tongue lacks the ability to form the correct words, especially in my lative language. So here I am on the refreshing new soil of yet another land. Picking up new pieces to the indecipherable puzzle of my life. Despite everything having been brought into focus, still no picture forms

Bard for Hire. Endless inspiration in return. A muse without a muse. My art is people, inspiration- but in the end that can be my only manifestation. Constantly an adventure, no time to lose. My own White Rabbit muttering even in the game, each time I seduce.

So as many artists have noticed over the years, technology and I like to fight. A lot. I have been working on getting my website launched and as I was having the phone meeting with my web designer, my phone decided to pick a fight…And dropped the call….More than 10 times in less than half an hour….Sooo I realized that

a) I have a kick-ass web designer who has endless patience…seriously he is amazing!

b) That maybe I am not crazy and reading to much into the temperamental technology thing…I mean this time there was a witness.

c) Some fights you can’t win-ESPECIALLY against technology….No matter how long you argue

I am not sure why or how it all started but this, at times volatile, cold-war I have been having with tech-stuffs needs to come to some sort of a resolution, because technology has taken over and is a big part of my modeling career….Just not sure how to start a peace treaty….

Over the years I have come and gone from my path as a model. Yet I always come back to the slate wanting more than ever to create. Of all the mediums there is something magical and playful about being the subject that is waiting to be molded into a piece of art. I love most of all those rare moments when I am so in-tune with the artist that we can create something that needs no editing/fixing,perfecting….the image above is one of those wonderful moments, other than the adding of the watermark there has been no editing….oh how I’m glad to be back

Why I enjoy modeling: “I like it a lot, and I love seeing what people do, I don’t really know how to put it into words but its the closest to seeing inside of someone else perception”

“What is your attraction to nudes?”

” Posing for or looking at?”

“Either”

“Aesthetically I love the human form, I was brought up appreciating and respecting it and as a result am very comfortable with being nude; and as a model it is so much easier than dealing with wardrobe and constantly watching how the clothes lay and fight and move with the body. I feel that clothing can be very stifling to the creative process”

” I am much more fascinated with the lines and shapes of my body than looking at a picture of me in a pretty dress. There’s a time and place for both and I have done some clothed shoots and draped drawings that I absolutely love but at the end of the day my goal as a model is to be the canvas/clay a part of the whole, I don’t want the bulk of my images to be just a picture of a pretty girl. That’s why I love the bodyscapes and figure sessions, and also why I love playing with lights”