Porcelain Figurine Conceptualizer and Producer

Fits the decor of any room or patio.

I have often been accused of over-fondness for taxidermy, for treating taxidermy as though it is the only noble art form in the modern-day Americas and to this I say, “Poppycake!” Taxidermy just happens to also be a sacred art form, something that is sadly forgotten in our godless culture, so if I seem to imbue it with undue weight, perhaps the role of taxidermy in our memorial rites should be remembered and re-examined. Have we all forgotten why we have trophy rooms? Why we turn our pet ferrets into luxurious winter coats? Or have we become so disconnected from the skinning and preserving since all that is necessary these days is to call up your local furrier the instant your beloved elderly dachshund sighs its last, kibble-y breath?

Enough about that, though. What I really mean to write about is my favorite of the secular arts– painted porcelain molds. I always give my closest friends identical porcelain figurines to those adorning my own mantles and display shelving, so that I will not feel too disoriented on the off-chance that I someday find myself drinking in another’s library. (I also bring a small briefcase of figurines with me wherever I go, so that Mr. Polly can set them up around me whenever I stop to repose. It is good to have a retinue of your own things to provide soothing surroundings– I find that it helps the mind to more efficiently process business propositions, deals, etc.) Yes, it was a good day indeed when the Chinese invented porcelain.

Have you ever examined your grandmammy’s porcelain collection, however? When I think back to my childhood in the bayou, and the Sunday afternoons I’d spend sprawled on the rug in my grandmammy’s kitchen, I recall only the most crude figurines taking part in my epic re-enactments of Supreme Court hearings. Ladies in long dresses, teddy bears in stocking caps, children wearing clogs. Nothing nearly so chic as the porcelain figures of today.

And why is that, you may ask? I bet the brighter amongst you have already guessed at the answer– because I started the firm that produces the highest quality, most beautiful and visually stimulating porcelain figurines that you see around you today. So you happen to have an underwater icescape of a walrus and narwhal battle? Why, yes– I remember the night I spent sketching that one up. What about a family of down and out hobo peaches waiting for a train? In my home, I have a model train set up to steam cheerily past them. And one of my personal favorites is the tabletop Underworld, complete with electronic capabilities to light up both the fires, and the ghostly faces of the dead as they slurp from the Lethe. What I like most about it, I think, is the set of movable souls that I made sure came included.