If divorce is the only answer, think it through very carefully

There are relationships that just cannot be fixed. Then there are relationships which nobody has tried hard enough to fix. It's easy to get a divorce but it's difficult to stop the divorce process once it has begun.

It has its own momentum. If you have reached the point where you believe divorce is the only answer try again at working it out with professional help. The downsides of divorce can be truly horrendous.

It sort of goes like thisMost people going through a divorce are basically in a no win situation. First of all, you are not going to see your children on a daily basis anymore. Even under the most amicable of co parenting arrangements whereby there is a roughly 50/50 sharing both of you are going to spend less time with their children.

If there is a geographical split as well it's going to mean lots of time in the car with hand overs in wet and windy motorway service stations. And that really is no fun for anyone.

SecondlyWhen you split up and set up two separate households the strain upon household budgets becomes acute. It is almost certain that there will just not be enough money to go around. Downward mobility in terms of the quality of housing is often a feature of life after divorce. If you sell one house and buy two properties with the proceeds you are probably both going to end up in flats. There is evidence that the financial impact of divorce is greater for women than for men. This will more severe if the woman has been the homemaker in the marriage

ThirdlyThere are the issues about the division of property which can have further effects on your financial situation. As you will have half of what you had before from which you have to set up a new household this may well lead to more borrowing which increases your debt burden. Lawyers (or the Courts) can often end up trying to divide up the assets and the debts when there are too little of the former and two many of the latter.

LastlyThere is the relationship between you, the client and your divorce lawyer. This is very often defined as a love/hate relationship which can move from one to the other during the divorce process. Typically clients initially feel that their lawyer will lead them swiftly to a new and better life. As the realities of the divorce process become clearer his may change when the realisation dawns that the divorce process is not swift and the outcome often is not as good materially or emotionally as you feel you deserved.

The difficulties and complexities will be the greater if the divorcing couple are not cooperating with each other. The more adversarial the divorce process becomes the greater the change in attitude towards their lawyer is likely to become. This new attitude, sometimes with justification, is that the lawyer didn't fight hard enough for them. This can lead to a reluctance to pay the bills which can in a long divorce be substantial.

The realities of what a divorce is all about cannot be avoided but understanding what they are will help you to survive the experience and help you towards a better life after divorce. There is a single life out there for you and there are new and satisfying relationships to be created. It's not going to be easy, so be realistic and you will exceed your expectations. Go carefully and good luck.