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Relationship with a Spiritual Teacher in Two Lifetimes

Alexander Berzin, February 2002

A deep relationship with a spiritual teacher can be the most uplifting and significant bonding
in one's lifetime. It can also be a source of self-deception, pain, and spiritual despair. All
depends on actively making the relationship a healthy one. This, in turn, depends on having a
realistic attitude about our own and our teacher's qualifications, about the aim of the bonding,
and about the dynamics and boundaries of the relationship.

I wrote
Relating to a Spiritual Teacher: Building a Healthy Relationship (Ithaca: Snow Lion, 2000; reprint:
Wise Teacher, Wise Student: Tibetan Approaches to a Healthy Relationship. Ithaca: Snow
Lion, 2010) primarily because I had benefited so significantly from my relationships with my main
teachers – Tsenzhab Serkong Rinpoche, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and Geshe Ngawang Dhargyey – and
because I was saddened that so many sincere spiritual seekers I had met on my world teaching tours
had had less optimal experiences. Many, having encountered sexual, financial, or power abuse,
identified themselves as innocent victims. Having placed the blame solely on the abusive teachers,
they distanced themselves from all spiritual mentors and, occasionally, even from the spiritual
path. Others lived in denial of their unhealthy relationships and felt that proper "Guru-devotion"
not only justified, but even sanctified all behavior from a teacher, no matter how damaging it
might seem by conventional standards. Both extremes prevented the students from receiving the full
benefit to be gained from a healthy relationship.

In cases where the students are Western and the teachers Tibetan, one source of the problem is
cultural misunderstanding, compounded by unrealistic expectations that the other party will act
according to one's own cultural norms. Further sources of confusion are taking the standard textual
presentations of the student-teacher relationship out of their original contexts, interpreting them
literally, and mistaking the meaning of the technical terms, often due to misleading
translations.

The
lam-rim (graded path) texts, for example, present the relationship as the "root of the
path" and discuss it as their first major topic. The point of the metaphor, however, is that a tree
derives its sustenance from its roots, not that it begins from a root. A tree starts from a seed,
and Tsongkhapa did not call the relationship the "seed of the path." After all, the original
lam-rim audience was not beginners. It consisted of monks and nuns, gathered to receive a tantric
empowerment and who, as preparation, needed a review of the sutra teachings. For such persons,
already committed to the Buddhist path from previous study and practice, a healthy relationship
with a spiritual teacher is the root from which to gain inspiration to sustain the complete path to
enlightenment. The intention was never that newcomers to Western Dharma centers needed to begin by
seeing the spiritual teachers there as Buddhas.

In my own case, the deepest relationship I have with a spiritual teacher spans two lifetimes of
that teacher. I spent nine years as disciple, interpreter, English secretary, and foreign tour
manager of Tsenzhab Serkong Rinpoche, the late Master Debate Partner and Assistant Tutor of His
Holiness the Dalai Lama. Rinpoche passed away in 1983, was reborn exactly nine months later, and
was identified and returned to Dharamsala at the age of four. Both he and I reconfirmed our deep
bond the moment we met a few months later. When asked by an attendant if he knew who I was, the
young tulku replied, "Don't be stupid. Of course I know who he is." Ever since, Rinpoche has
treated me as a close member of his spiritual household – something that a four-year-old cannot
fake. I, in turn, have had no doubts about our deep connection.

In the summer of 2001, I spent a month with Rinpoche in South India at his monastery, Ganden
Jangtse, where, at the age of seventeen, he debated before the assembled monks in a ceremony to
mark his official entrance into the ranks of scholars. During the month, I received teachings from
him on what he was studying in his Geshe training, and translated an oral transmission and
explanation of a text that he gave to another close Western disciple of his predecessor. When I
remarked to Rinpoche how wonderful it was to be translating for him once more, he replied, "Of
course, that's your karma." I also continued the informal process of giving back to him many pieces
of Dharma and worldly advice he had given me in his previous life.

My personal relationship with Serkong Rinpoche over two lifetimes has given me more confidence
in the Dharma and in rebirth than I could possibly have gained from study and meditation alone. It
is truly a source of continuing inspiration along the path. Neither he nor I deceive ourselves
about our roles toward each other in each of his lives. We are neither totally the same nor totally
different from who we were then. Each of us is a continuity. With deep respect for each other,
based on a realistic attitude about our different stages in life now and then, each of us both
teaches and learns comfortably from the other now. It feels totally natural.

As a fan of Star Trek, I view the experience as if I were part of the
crew in both the original series and in Next Generation, under Captain Kirk then and now under his
reincarnation as Captain Picard still in training as a young cadet. The main challenge I face is to
continue building the karma to serve on the crews of all future
Enterprises.