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iggymanz writes "The geek food staple the Twinkie is coming back. The sturdy main component of the foundation to the geek four food groups of sugar, fat, caffeine and bacon — with rumored shelf life on the order of the time span to cool a white dwarf to room temperature — the Twinkie, along with Ding-Dongs, Ho-Ho's and Cupcakes, will be returning 15 July 2013 to the shelves under new management of Apollo Global Management and C. Dean Metropoulous & Co which paid over 400 mega dollars (U.S.) for the brands."

Yes. They have the strength of a million normal dollars. Personally, I welcome the newest addition to the SI unit family. (What could be more ironic than the addition of a highly-variable American currency to a French system intended to be as constant as possible? Nothing, friends. Let us rejoice.)

The USA public may have been sad at the thought of a Twinkies shortage, but the Secret Shadow Government engineered this re-booting of production for one reason. They know we need massive stores of Twinkies to sustain our brave zombie-killers in the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse.

It's part of the new dual-currency system they're introducing in the US off of the highly successful Free 2 Play game system model and gamification of real life. Dollars can be earned through normal gameplay, mega-dollars can only be purchased by the Rich or Politically Connected and are required to unlock the best stuff in the the game.

Factoid: Every banana you buy at the supermarket has already been "processed" and milked for Twinkie production. Those hard, brown tips at the ends of bananas? Those were the bananas' nipples before they got milked.

"Not that much of this will matter to the increasingly Randian crowd on Slashdot."

Oh, please. You know that if a worker just shows a little initiative, and works hard on the twinkie production line, they will be rewarded with wage increases and promotions until they are able to join elite non moocher society./s

No, 45 days after you swallow it, you'll run to the nearest toilet (or wastebasket) and strain to remove the brick residing in your large bowel. You'll understand what women go through when they give birth. The rounded corners usually prevent anal bleeding. Usually.