La La La Laaaa! Beauty Voice Trainer

If you don’t like the sound of your voice (I liken it to the unbearable shrieks of a cat in heat), consider the Beauty Voice Trainer. I know this is going to come as a shock to you, but — this is a product of Japan, people. Use for just 5 minutes a day and you can have that angelic voice you always dreamed of! Per the product description:

The Beauty Voice Trainer helps give you the dulcet voice you know you’ve always wanted, in just five minutes a day. The system works in three ways: without training, the human throat is restricted. The specially designed mouthpiece positions the tongue to open the voice passage, allowing a much stronger sound. Secondly, it helps with abdominal breathing, a necessity for proper singing. Finally, the included tuning fork guides you to the notes you want, and trains you to hear the proper intervals between pitches. In just five minutes a day, the Beauty Voice Trainer will teach you to maximize your vocal potential while singing.

There you have it, folks! All you gotta do is put this thing in your mouth and wait for your voice to change. My guess is you’ll be waiting a loooong time. But if you’re the type who buys these gimmicky products, I imagine you don’t have a lot going on as it is. No judging here! One time I was so bored I bought one of those tummy jigglers on the shopping channel.