I have been taking care of my mother for 3 years now. My life and job have all been centered on the day to day life of this most challenging and most rewarding character. Now, both my father and I are... jobless! In the grief we have supported each other and I have found solace in my art and garden.

Thoughts for contemplation:What Next? How to go forward in a place of "without"How to help the remaining partner find his/her peace and new life.What to do if you live in the house, surrounded by their things, ah memories!

2 Answers

Yes, you have nailed it. Your picture has nailed it! You have been through the wars.Please accept my heartfelt condolences. How long ago was it when your mom passed away? omg it sux.

I lost my mom a year ago and am still not right. My dad died some years ago and i am still not right about that either. All of it is a pain that is deep in my heart and I just live with it as best I can.

Now I am back in their house and having to go through everything because the house is being sold. Ow. It really hurts.Glad you and your dad have each other and I love that part of your story even thought I know that you guys are in such a sad way. Overcome by sadness.

Here's a few ideas and you can see if any may work for you or not. grieving is so personal and this is some of the stuff I had to do in order to not lose my mind:

Get out of the house for dinner and for whatever excuses you both can dream up. Go to CVS Pharmacy and walk around. Doesn't matter. CVS is fun because it's full of all kinds of stuff and it isn't Walmart. Sorry Walmart, just saying.

Get out into the living world because the house is what it is. It all becomes a museum to your love of your mother and that is a tender and beautiful thing but the house will settle down and become your memories too. There is a peace that will come that is quite comforting because you are 'home'.

In the meantime, go to a noisy restaurant with some crying babies, or a rocket launch or watch a Jim Carrey movie. but start by joining life again. See something big and stupid and put your self in a position where you can laugh.the rest will start to come.The garden is beautiful but it is quiet and a place for a lot of thinking. That's good but needs a balance. If you both place yourself in postions where there is a lot of life and activity, that stimulus will affect your brains and you will begin to begin again.Just a thought.

I do not have an answer but I do send condolences, prayers and warm thoughts your way. I lost my dad a little over a year ago and Mom is now in hospice. The loss may have been inevitable but when it comes, its a heartache. Though it hurts sometimes to have the memories from my dad's stuff, and to remember he way the house was before Mom started down the same road, after a while I've started to be more comforted by it and more proud of what my parents did with their lives.

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