Just another WordPress.com site

Posts tagged ‘Disorders’

Well, I think I am having panic attacks or anxiety attacks or whatever you want to call them……great…….what else……

We had an incident at the theatre this weekend that resulted in name calling and hurt feelings…..and that seemed to catapult me into this thing…..I wasn’t even sure WHAT it was…..but the next day I started thinking about what happened then it snowballed into “what do these people even KNOW about pain and suffering” then before I know it I am a hysterical mess wondering how I even got to this point in my life…..and how unfair all this is…..and how we go to these appointments and everyone in the waiting room is old….except us…..and that makes it all the more apparent how “I am not even supposed to be here!” (“Clerks” reference!)

I know I am getting wound up because on Thursday they are going to start pumping poison into my husband in order to save his life…..we are at the starting gate once again to another difficult chapter in this cancer saga……so Paul and I are both confident that is the source……

So I spent Memorial Day with a slight Valium buzz…….I hate taking them……but Paul insists that is what they are there for……but it makes me feel weak….and a little doped up……but I shouldn’t fight it so much….it’s better that bursting out in tears for no apparent reason…..

And I have a lot of anger…..that’s in there too…..that became VERY apparent this weekend……..I mean, I am pretty pissed…..but at what? ……..God? no……..I have “been there and done that” and THAT isn’t it at all….heck, He CARRIES me through this so that’s not it…..the circumstances of my life? Well I guess…….I mean….I feel like such a baby…..crying about how unfair all this is and how I just wish I could wake UP from this nightmare…….

……but I never do…….

But they don’t last very long…….and I shake it off and move on……but I feel a little better knowing what they are……that they have a name…….and that I am not going crazy……

Anxiety attacks and their symptoms

Anxiety attacks, known as panic attacks in mental health circles, ­are episodes of intense panic or fear. Anxiety attacks usually occur suddenly and without warning. Sometimes there’s an obvious trigger— getting stuck in an elevator, for example, or thinking about the big speech you’re giving in a few hours—but in other cases, the attacks come out of the blue.

Anxiety attacks usually peak within ten minutes, and they rarely last more than a half hour. But during that short time, the terror can be so severe that you feel as if you’re about to die or totally lose control. The physical symptoms are themselves so frightening that many people believe they’re having a heart attack. After an anxiety attack is over, you may be worried about having another one, particularly in a public place where help isn’t available or you can’t easily escape.