7 tips for juggling a career and elder care

Of the 42 million Americans who are caregivers to elderly relatives or friends, more than 75% juggle those responsibilities alongside a job. This is often a recipe for stress and burnout, says Amy Goyer, a caregiving expert at AARP and the author of the book “Juggling Work and Caregiving.”

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Will your boss help you make time for your family?

Goyer should know. For most of her adult life, she has served as a caregiver– first to her grandparents and now to her father. (Goyer’s mother passed away a month ago.) While Goyer has no children, she says stepping into the role of a caregiver still wasn’t easy: To help her parents, she moved from Washington D.C. to Phoenix a few years ago—leaving her boyfriend in Baltimore. At the same time, she’s been managing her career as a consultant, speaker and writer.

“Whether you have kids or not, caregiving doesn’t happen in a vacuum. You have other relationships and responsibilities,” she says. “You always feel like you are cheating someone. Guilt is my constant companion. You either feel guilty about not being with your loved ones or about neglecting work.”

To mark National Family Caregivers Month, Goyer and I spoke about ways in which caregivers can make the juggle easier. “What I have done over the years is adapted my work situation so that I could be there for my parents,” she says. Here are examples:

Work a compressed work week: “Initially, I had a compressed work schedule at AARP,” says Goyer, who had responsibility for her parents’ finances. “I would work four longer days in order to be off on the fifth day. That was the time I could use to do my caregiving from a distance.” Her advice: Tell your boss what’s going on. “I was very up front about what I was doing,” she says. “You always hear the advice to leave your personal life at home. But if you are continually stressed out and having to take time off, it’s much better for them to know that you are that way because of caregiving responsibilities than to think that you are lazy or not committed to your work.”

Telecommute: When Goyer still lived on the east coast but traveled out west, she would arrange to swing by her parents’ home in Phoenix—and stay a few days. “I would occasionally telecommute from their house,” she says. When her father had hip-replacement surgery, Goyer telecommuted for a month.

Change work hours: If caregiving responsibilities make it hard for you to get to work by 9:00 a.m., ask if you can work from 10 to 6 instead. Your company may also allow you to switch to part-time hours or share a job. Goyer now works on a contract basis with AARP to give herself more flexibility and control over her hours.

Take leave: If life gets truly overwhelming, you may be able to ask for an unpaid leave of up to 12 weeks under the federal Family and Medical Leave Act. Consider speaking to someone from human resources before broaching the topic with your boss, to “get some advice on how to handle the situation and on what other options might be open to you,” says Goyer. Some companies have so-called employee assistance programs that may offer referrals to community programs and other resources that may help you. You may also be able to take paid sick leave, vacation time, or personal days.

Ask for help: When Goyer has to leave the Phoenix area for work, she asks her sister to come from Ohio to help out. Because frequent trips to Arizona have made it difficult for Goyer’s sister to get full-time employment, the family pays her for her time—something a growing number of families are doing.

Carve out some time for yourself: This is easier said than done, of course, but Goyer tries to schedule a regular time to exercise. “If you don’t make it a regular schedule, there is always some greater need that will get in the way,” she says. She also tries to exercise with her father. “It is so hot in Arizona, I was getting no exercise and my dad wasn’t either,” she says. “So I hired someone to do pool exercises with him. I would come home early from work and do my own pool exercises at the same time.” To keep up with friends, Goyer relies on email and social media. Facebook, she says, “got me through my mom’s hospitalizations. I’d be in the hospital posting updates and getting support. That really does help.”

Have some fun: “Caregiving doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom,” Goyer says. “I have made an effort to have fun with my parents. We always had our fun Friday adventure. Mom would have her hair done and we would go out to eat.”

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