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Sunday March 24, 2013 10:38 AM

Dear Abby: My best friend of more than 12 years — the pastor of a large church — was sent to
prison several months ago for soliciting sex with two children. Although I despise what he did, I
have enough intimate knowledge to know that this was a one-time thing. He is a sex addict, and,
although this doesn’t forgive the act, it was just an escalation of his addiction.

I have decided to forgive him and be supportive. I send him a small amount of money each week
and provide emotional support. My problem is, I knew about his addiction for 11 of the 12 years we
have known each other. I think I could have prevented all this from happening if I had told others,
intervened and helped him get treatment. How do I apologize to all of those who loved and supported
him, not knowing he wasn’t celibate? — The Guilty Enabler

Dear Enabler: Excuse me? “Just” an escalation of the man’s sex addiction? The man’s lack of
character is appalling. That you would turn a blind eye to what he was doing indicates that you
have issues of your own that need to be resolved. Forget about apologizing. You can’t make this
better. What is done is done.

Dear Abby: My boyfriend was raised in a family that didn’t celebrate holidays, including
birthdays. I was raised with all the traditions surrounding the holidays and the family time that
comes with it. I think they are very important. I have tried explaining this to him, but his
attitude toward holidays borders on hatred.

He recently told me he wants me to stop including him in activities or conversations related to
holidays and birthdays, and I’m not sure what to do. Would it be unfair to ask him to compromise
and share certain traditions with me, in light of the fact that he has no family traditions to
bring to the table?— No Happy Birthdays

Dear No Happy Birthdays: You could ask him to compromise, but it would be unrealistic to expect
someone with his ingrained attitude to do so.A fish and a bird might love each other, but it doesn’t
mean they can happily cohabit. If you want a happy relationship, find someone whose traditions
more closely resemble yours.