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(This makes it all sound very formal and humorless, but in practice, this is one of the most fun aspects of the swinger lifestyle.) Similarly, you need to set your kink levels up front.

Swinging clubs and events are generally quite sensual, vanilla affairs as far as BDSM is concerned, so if you’re looking to go to a club for an erotic spanking, you’ll have to look a little harder.

For example, one of you might have your heart set on bringing another girl into your bedroom, while the other might want to meet another couple.

Both of these sexual desires are equally valid, so be prepared to say things like “OK, this weekend we’ll meet another couple, but only if the following weekend we can invite that girl over”.

Swinging clubs generally have several rooms, often with different themes, each with a different activity and a different feel.

One room might be pitch dark where strangers are encouraged to touch and play without knowing who’s on the receiving end, another room might be for swapping partners, another room might be more for observation.

The first thing you should really do is go to a swinger’s party, or some kind of larger-scale swinger event.

There’s a really simple reason for this: safety in numbers.

Different swinging clubs also use different signals and codes.

Sometimes wristbands are used to communicate whether the wearer is available or not, or whether a particular couple is looking for a male, female or couple to join them.

Some clubs use different colored drinking straws, while yet others reject the colors and instead encourage people to simply talk to each other to find out what they’re looking for.

Your best friends could be swingers and you’d never even know it.

However, there are masses of trustworthy and reliable swinging websites you can browse, all of which allow you to search for other couples, sex clubs and events by location.