March 2019

The Democratic electoral field got even more crowded today as Everybody’s Dog announced it has decided to contest the party’s 2020 nomination. Speaking with reporters it said the way it came to a decision was…

As news of the college bribery scandal ‘Operation Varsity Blues’ spreads, details are emerging of just how far Hollywood’s rich and famous will go to ensure their children get accepted into the nations top colleges,…

(The White House) As flyers continue to have safety concerns about commercial aviation, the Trump Administration has issued its advice on what traveling Americans should do in the short term. “Instead of worrying about which…

Education Secretary Betsy DeVos has been accused of violating the principle of maintaining a strict separation of Church and State after she announced her department will no longer enforce a federal funding ban on religious…

The investigation into the cause of the loss of Ethiopian Flight 302 took a major leap forward today when leading aviation accident authority Donald “Sully” Trump weighed in on the matter. “I don’t want Albert…

(The White House) President Trump has cleared up any confusion over his referring to Tim Cook as Tim Apple, by revealing that he was actually saying ‘Tim/Apple’ to save the 8 extra milliseconds it would…

The USDA has recalled thousands of pounds of Chef Boyardee products. Though the initial reason given was allergen mislabeling, a revised statement confirmed that was not the real reason. “We simply got to thinking about…

Pittsburgh is still getting used to the shocking news that Antonio Brown is now an LA Raider, which, combined with the departure of Le’Veon Bell, has fans fearing for the future. “Where’s our drama going…

Former Steeler Antonio Brown, who has signed with the Raiders, took time today to express his cherished feelings towards his former organization. “I will not deny that I feel sad knowing I won’t get to…

Today is National Punning Day, which follows the day when clocks are moved forward. Though many people support the idea of National Napping Day, a vocal minority are less positive. “National Napping Day is turning…

The ‘Fake Melania’ conspiracy theory is back, and this time the movement has a heavyweight in its corner, President Trump. “Does she look real? Not to me folks, not to me.” Trump, who previously expressed…

The Pittsburgh Penguins have announced their development plans for the site of the old Civic Arena in the Lower Hill. “We’re going to build a full-size replica of the Civic Arena.” The decision was based…