Oi'd be most 'appy ta offer me services as a cover wench... yarr, the high seas be thick with testosterone. Me thinks ye'll be needing a lady pirate in the mix, ta offer some classy advice fer the boys, and maybe flash a bit o' pegleg.

"I will not rest until every year families gather to spend December 25th together at Osama's homo-abortion-pot-and-commie-jizzporium."

iamnotanoctopus wrote:Oi'd be most 'appy ta offer me services as a cover wench... yarr, the high seas be thick with testosterone. Me thinks ye'll be needing a lady pirate in the mix, ta offer some classy advice fer the boys, and maybe flash a bit o' pegleg.

Yer contributions will be more than welcome. Best PM me with yer thoughts. A lady pirate's insight be a most useful thing for the lads.

Oi don't know much in the way of picking up wenches, seein' as oi be rather partial to the lads... but oi thinks oi could manage a sort o' "Wenches Corner", if ye like... "10 Ways Not To End Up With A Wench's Dagger In Yer Belly," or "Lady Pirates and You; or How'd You End Up With That Glass Eye Again, Matey?"

"I will not rest until every year families gather to spend December 25th together at Osama's homo-abortion-pot-and-commie-jizzporium."

The modern pirate needs to live as closely to his piratical forebears as possible, especially to combat the effects of pirate reduction induced global warming. But, as the pirates of old learned, eating out of a can for months on end can seriously cause some health problems. Here are a list of solutions for the globe circling modern pirate:

Childrens chewable vitamins: Good for adults, and ward off scurvy!
Budweiser BE beer. Has caffeine, guarana and ginseng for those long nights carrousing!
Neosporin: Good for cuts, scrapes, rope burns. NOT good for deep puncture wounds and bullet holes.
Visine: Clean your glass eye daily, and it will last you a life time!
Dried fruit: Good for vitamins, and doesnt take up much space. Also, you can tell your crew that the apricots are human ears......

IF you follow some of these tips, you will be in tip top shape to pillage and plunder well into your twilight years!

'There are no atheists in foxholes' isn't an argument against atheism, it's an argument against foxholes."-James Morrow