Friday, August 21, 2009

Back in the late 50s, when I was an Operations Officer at a bank branch in Salem, Oregon we were contacted by an FBI agent friend of mine who wanted to bring in some currency they had recovered in a drug bust. This was in the days before banks had strict guidelines for handling contaminated currency, so I told him to go ahead and bring it in and we’d take care of it.

He and another agent brought it in – all wadded up in baggies and socks and other assorted unconventional containers. The FBI agents unwrapped it all and gave it to us to count. A teller and I spent about an hour sorting and counting it all. In the end it didn’t amount to all that much money but boy was it a mess.

As we were winding down I asked one of the agents, “So, in your experience is it dangerous to handle drug money like this?”

“I’ve been doing this for a long time and handled money from lots of different drug busts and it’s never been a problem for me.” And then he paused and added, “But I wouldn’t lick my fingers!”

* Money can be contaminated with cocaine during drug deals or if a user snorts with a bill. But not all bills are involved in drug use; they can get contaminated inside currency-counting machines at the bank. (These bills have fewer remnants of cocaine. Some of the dollars in this experiment had .006 micrograms, which is several thousands of times smaller than a single grain of sand.)

* Cocaine binds to the green dye in money. Scientists say the amount of cocaine found on bills is not enough to cause health risks.

* Although the contaminated bills do not affect health, they could cause a false positive drug test if a person, such as a law enforcement officer or banker, handles contaminated currency repeatedly.

* For years, health agencies have advised people to wash their hands after touching cash for sanitary reasons. Disease-causing organisms such as staphylococcus aureus and pneumonia-causing bacteria have been detected in paper bills. According to a 2002 study published in the Southern Medical Journal, 94 percent of the tested bills had potentially disease-causing organisms.

CITIES AND COCAINEBills turned up positive for cocaine in these percentages in certain cities:

COUNTRIES AND COCAINEBills turned up positive for cocaine in these percentages in certain countries:

90 percent:* United States

85 percent:* Canada

80 percent:* Brazil

20 percent:* China

12 percent:* Japan

All that got me to thinking; if they tested currency for other substances I wonder what other stuff they might find. While there’s no way to know for sure, I think we can make a few educated guesses . . .

Seattle, Washington: 90% of bills contaminated with coffee grounds. (I know I went for the obvious with this one.)

Washington, D.C.: 89% of bills contaminated with slime but Congress promises it will all be cleaned up as soon as new health care legislation is passed.

Eugene, Oregon: 63% of bills contaminated with hemp

Springfield, Oregon: 43% of bills contaminated with sawdust

Junction City, Oregon: In the week after the Scandinavian Festival, 84% of bills contaminated with lefsa, lutefisk, aebelskiver and those groovy meat pies (runza?).