And we’re back! It’s been a bit of time since either of us have last updated, sorry. I promise things will get more consistent at some point. Issuing vague statements always helps. Anyways, I have some blog ideas rolling around in my head, and once I revisit my commitment to sparkle motion, they will all come out.

So.. SNL. Dwayne Johnson does not want you to call him the Rock anymore. No more smelling what the Rock is cooking. No more black spandex Speedo thing, which I actually saw him in once. One of my cousins came to visit us in Texas around the time of one of the Wrestlemanias and dragged me and my sister. The Rock was there. He looked more like this then.

Weird.

That’s not really a Dwayne Johnson. That’s a ROCK. How much do we want to bet that his monologue is about him not being the Rock?

Dude has charisma and a winning smile, so this could be good. I’m thinking potential cameos from Jack McBrayer (Bobby Jindal, anyone?), though since he was on the last episode, and since SNL has missed the boat on good topical humour lately (..sorry, y’all know I love you), I doubt it. Jimmy Fallon just started his late show, and he might benefit from an appearance. When’s the last time he was on anyways? Ray LaMontagne is enjoyable, though a little boring at times. I’m not expecting anything as thrilling as the USA/Canada game earlier today. That’s all. World Baseball Classic! Whee!

Cold Open: Will Forte is handsome. So is Tim Geithner. Though, Tim Geithner doesn’t have eyebrows. He’s pretty much Stan Sitwell. And SNL gave him eyebrows. Celisse and I are going to come up with a plan to solve the economic crisis. Jason Sudeikis has such a distinctive voice. So does Bill Hader, actually. Everybody but Tim Geithner has to pay taxes, right? The Nigerian pyramid scam is a nice bit. Although it was funnier on Flight of the Conchords a few weeks ago when it actually worked.

Monologue: It’s really strange to think that he has hosted three times. And Rob Lowe has been a good host from time to time. And yes, here he goes talking about being the Rock. Is he going to sing a song? Yes. Yes, he is. His nickname at the gym is Ladybug Princess. Yes. So the female cast at SNL has gotten so small that they have two random chicks dancing now, too. And what the hell is Kristen wearing? Okay, I already have a bad feeling about this episode.

MacGruber: Really? Are they ever going to stop with the MacGruber? How many times can you do this in one season? And MacGyver again. MacGruber is MacGyver’s kid. Hm.

The Rock Obama: Andy Samberg’s Rahm impression has a touch of Mark Wahlberg in it. It’s weird. And many months later, and I still don’t like Fred’s Barack impression. Rahm Emanuel is going to turn Barack Obama into the Hulk. Also, HD makes Darrell Hammond’s wig line super obvious. Angry Barack Obama turns into The Rock Obama. Okay, that’s weirdly hilariously clever. And Dwayne Johnson does a better impression of Barack than Fred. Wow. I don’t really think The Rock Obama needs to speak like a five year old. Because when it started, the impresson was good, and then he started speaking like a child, and now John McCain is throwing himself out a window.

MacGruber: Aw, cute little notes between father and son. McGyver ends up being a dick.

Activia: Jason Sudeikis, you make me so happy. People need to poop. Abby Elliott is all over this episode. Hey, there’s a random dude in this sketch, and he looks weirdly familiar. But I don’t know who it is. Did I miss something extra in the credits? No Dwayne Johnson. This seems like a sketch that should’ve been killed at the end of the night sometime. Or not used at all. Way to go.

Hawaiian Restaurant: The Rock is singing in two sketches tonight. At first I thought this might be another Pepper Inferno Bobby Moynihan sketch. I’m glad it’s not. I prefer sassy Hawaiians over pepper. Wearing Crocs and bathing suits to restaurants is pretty garbagey. They’ve used almost the entire cast in this sketch. I’m going to start saying Aloha instead of suck it from now on. Aloha hard. They really did use everyone. Just no Seth. I miss Seth.

MacGruber: Father and son are no longer speaking. How sad. MacGruber really did scatter his poop on his father’s ashes. And wow, that’s the second time we’ve seen Will Forte’s ass this season. Thanks, MacGruber.

Ray LaMontagne – “You Are the Best Thing” I like the set up he has going on. It’s very homey. Him facing the band. Good stuff. As previously stated, I do enjoy him.

Not as much as I enjoy him, though.

Weekend Update: Thank you, for mocking the random Brad Pitt White House appearance. Also, CitiGroup, I hate you. I hate you and Washington Mutual and all of the other asshole banks, and you’re stock being on the McDonald’s value menu (ha!) makes me happy. The Iran rant: Seth Meyers is so, so much funnier when he is angry and being all righteouslike. 3/3/09 was square root day. I did not know that. Something tells me Demetri Martin did. I know Andy Samberg has done Cathy before, but it always just makes me think of Tina Fey and 30 Rock. I do enjoy a good frustration squiggle, though. Hey, random Justin Timberlake cameo. What is it with Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake and their inability to stay away from SNL? I don’t mind in Justin’s case. I read an article with Andy Samberg and the other Lonely Island dudes about how Justin Timberlake loves to make fun of himself and will watch old Youtube videos of NSync and make the others come watch and laugh at him. Let’s do that now, shall we?

And, Jessica Biel shows up as Jessica Rabbit to steal Irving away from Cathy. So now Justin Timberlake has brought his girlfriend to SNL, and if they ever break up, she’ll randomly appear once or twice a season like Cameron does. Baby got ACK!

Seth is rushing, so obvs the Cathy sketch went on way too long. Jon Bovi! Please sing, Forte and Sudeikis. Will Forte is showing so much skin this episode. Yes! They’re singing. And it’s amazing. Forte looks like he belongs in Spinal Tap. I would totes buy Jon Bovi album. Your band is confusing and terrible. AA Bottom, too? Oh, this is amazing. Staying Put. This makes me so happy. So happy.

For Weekend Update, he’s Meth Seyers. Indeed.

Game Time with Dave & Greg: Oh yeah, the Rock is hosting. I forgot about his existing. Greg is totally an alien, you stop that, Dave. Greg should call everyone Chuck, no matter what, because Chuck’s are fantastic. You know what, Darrell? Richard Alpert never ages either, and he’s no alien! Apparently Greg is an alien from the movie Signs. It’s kind of weird how similar this is to Mike and Mike in the Morning. The bobbleheads and all. I don’t think Mike and/or Mike eat athletes after they guest, though. Bill Hader has some great lizard wings.

Donald Trump: It’s been awhile since Darrell has done his Trump. I should say, since SNL did the Trump commercials sketch. Fred Armisen’s Tom Green is a lot like his David Paterson. I’m not sure what that means. This is Trump we do it. The Rock as Dennis Rodman is pretty inspired. I’m pretty sure that every sketch tonight has been last sketch material. Not very good, and .. eh. It’s almost over.

Ray LaMontagne – “Trouble” This is pretty much the only Ray LaMontagne song that I actually know word for word. And I love it. And I’m mildly surprised that he’s playing it, because it’s five years old. But apparently the American Idols love it, as Taylor Hicks and Chris Sligh (who is that?) performed it on the show and Kelly Clarkson played it on tour (Thanks, wikipedia). Whatever, it’s his best known song, and it’s great, so I accept.

I’m so sleepy. I just want it all to be over. Aw, the Rock has a cat on his head. I find it so hard to call him Dwayne Johnson. I’m sorry.

Lighthouse: The poor injured pirates stuck on the rocks below. “You like salsa?” “I like eating it.” “Then I hope your ears are hungry!” Oh wow. BJ jokes. Is that Todd Palin? I wish. It’s not, but it is a very amused Jason Sudeikis. Double entendres and buckets of water and impaled Jason Sudeikis who continues to laugh and rub water out of his eyes. It’s random. I accept.

Closing: This was a pretty forgettable episode. There were a few moments, a LOT of the cast was used multiple times tonight, which is great. There have been too many episodes lately heavy on one or two cast members, and there was a good mix in this one. Random JTim and Jessica Biel cameos. Jessica Biel loves Ray LaMontagne, apparently. Justin Timberlake is wearing glasses. Will Forte is still dressed like a pirate. And Jason Sudeikis has a towel on his head. And the credits are cut short. Eh. Tracy Morgan is the next episode, and he’s sure to bring the crazy (and hopefully the Brian Fellowes!).

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I was thinking the exact same thing during the Activia sketch, and now I’m racking my brain trying to figure out who he is. I saw the intro credits during the PST replay and they didn’t show him (also, I thought the made all the featuring people regular cast members a while ago?). Totally looking forward to next week, but perhaps more so for Kelly Clarkson. They used her in a sketch once, hopefully it’ll happen again.

I figured it out, I figured it out! For some reason this morning, it clicked. I’m pretty sure it’s John Mulaney. He does standup, and I’m fairly certain he recently joined snl in some sort of writer capacity. I could be wrong, because I already deleted the episode off of my dvr, but I’m pretty sure it was him.

YES, that’s him! And with that I figured out I knew him from Best Week Ever. Thanks so much for that, ’cause it just started bugging me again tonight, lol. I always thought he was funny before, so I’m looking forward to see what he does on SNL.