DRESS REFORMATION — A foretaste of what is to come in female accoutrement, has been witnessed in the person of a Richmond female, whose shapely carriage is seen frequently fluttering about Main. Her limbs are clothed in mulberry colored pantaloons, above which is a waist of some dark stuff, with her skirt reaching halfway past the knees, and her hair surmounted by an Alpine hat of felt, which is caught up on one side with the long and flowing feathers of a dead bird. As she enthusiastically wiggles her caboose, like her hips became loose from her lower spine, a classically draped shawl falls like it has lost its footing, from her shoulders, and thence she bats her eyes as if something is in them, and then she winks slyly at young men. — What is to be made of this? — The Eds.

MORE COW TRAVAIL — His ladder being jarred, whilst painting the cornice of a three-story Tenth Street house, visibly affected Thomas Horner, precariously perched on a rickety stratification. One look explained all the trouble — a wandering cow rubbed against it, so Thomas summarily tossed a dirty rag at the bovine. The animal was unaffected, so as a consequence Thomas launched a vial of wroth, in highly drawn out adjectives, leaving nothing to the imagination as to how he felt about aforesaid cow. Aforesaid cow, thoroughly insulted by the badmouthing, removed herself for wider pastures, abruptly bumping the ladder — whence Thomas was left to hang from a gutter — as it fell.

MARRIAGE VOWS — Centreville is on the verge of depopulation, their women resolving to die old maids rather than marry any man who cannot cope with nor abide by life’s travails, unescorted by intoxicating liquids.

BET ON THE WOMEN — Each year exhibits some decided advance toward the perfect equality of the sexes. At the Hagerstown horse races this summer, the women are said to be betting as freely as men. And winning more frequently. The men of Hagerstown aver the unconstitutionality of this and seek court remonstrance.

AMERICAN ROYALTY — It is interesting on this side of the Atlantic, to know how the English government proceeds when its power is brought to bear on poor Irish tenants, for the purpose of turning a family out of house and home, to starve on the highways. It is equally interesting to note how the Irish sometimes forcibly counter this indignation, and oppose Britannia’s power with violence, like we Americans did in our little revolt, that severed the cord leashing us to the British throne. It is a good thing we got out from under the Monarchy’s thumb; now if only something could be done about our Congress, an American aristocracy composed of mini-monarch kings and lords who deem themselves royalty! — The Eds.

IDIOTS EVERYWHERE! — Two more fools dead, who fought a duel at Santa Cruz, California. Each succeeding in their aim, were killed at first fire.