Tag Archives: weird

NOTE: Not meant to offend any preggo readers. But, I hope none of you work at Hooters!

My friend and I went out to lunch today. She was craving a burger, and the closest burger joint near our work is Hooters. So, I suggested we go there for lunch. She was excited because she LOVES Hooter’s girls. She is dirty like that. (I am just kidding, she is going to KILL me for writing this, but I kinda have a deathwish)

Anyways, we get there and are quickly seated, despite me staring and whispering…

Me: DID you see that preggo Hooter’s girl. Weird place to work for a preggo, don’t you think? (My whisper voice is kinda loud)

Friend: SHHHHHH THIS is why I can’t go anywhere with you!

And GUESS what happens?

Preggo becomes our waitress. I just couldn’t stop staring at her belly. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not passing judgement on the preggos. I even have some friends that are preggo. More power to them, but preggo and working at Hooters? Well, hmmmm just a little awkward. I mean she was OBVIOUSLY preggo, not just a little. Her belly was practically on our table. So, anyways there I am just staring at her belly, while she asks what we want to drink, thinking that maybe her baby is going to have to start working at Hooters once s/he is born. Poor thing. Hopefully it is a girl. And what if her water breaks here at Hooters? Is that a health hazard? (These are the questions that go through my mind. I just can’t help it.)

When my friend points out that we were obligated to have her as our waitress because

1. We are the only girls in the place besides the waitstaff

2. We were probably her best source of tip money today because what guy comes to Hooters to have a preggo waitress? AWKWARD

So, then I felt bad for her. But, I also felt discriminated against. I mean, so what…just cause we are girls, we can’t get a real Hooters girl? Total discrimination if you ask me. My friend is still disappointed she didn’t get to ogle any waitresses. Ah, maybe next time.

AND, just so you know, I left Preggo a good tip. I hope she can quit her day job!

Hubby has the weirdest obsession with plate sets and dishes. When we were registering, after we got engaged, Hubby literally had to drag me kicking and screaming to register for things. I just didn’t care. I don’t know why. I really couldn’t care less what our dishes looked like or how many place settings we had. But, Hubby cared. Boy, did he care. So, it was a big DEAL a few days ago when he accidentally broke one of our everyday plates from our set.

Me: Hubby, it’s no big deal. We can buy another plate!

Hubby: NO, it IS a big deal. We had place settings for 8; now we can only serve 7.

Me ( I know the world is coming to an end right): Hubby, I am sure you can find another plate. Or we can just buy another different kind of plate.

Hubby(clearly obsessed and running to the computer to search): I CANNOT believe I dropped that plate! Damn you ebay…..I can’t find that exact model.

He is still searching as I type. He is obsessed. Weirdo.

I guess now is not a good time to try and re-broach selling our China we got. This is how the arguement usually goes:

Me: Hubby, let’s sell our China.

Hubby: No! We might use it someday!

ME: WE NEVER USE IT. And maybe we can make some money off of it. IT ISN’T even passed down…it is just something from the store!

Hubby: SOMEDAY we are going to use it!

Me: OMG we have been married FOREVER and we haven’t even taken it out of the boxes. It is STILL in your parents’ garage from when it was delivered!

Yesterday morning, a friend and I went to Starbucks to get some caffeine. After the crap that happened yesterday morning, I thought the jolt of caffeine could be useful. Little did I know what was awaiting me on the other side of the counter….but Mr. PSYCHO, WAY TOO HAPPY, Starbucks guy. Being the cynic that I am, I couldn’t help but ask him about his jolliness at this ungodly hour in the morning!

Starbucks Psycho Guy on Crack (WAAAAAAY To Chipper): Hey there! How are YOU guys? What can I get you? Isn’t it a BEAUTIFUL morning? What a WONDERFUL day!

Me (incredulous at his audacity to be happy): WHOA! You are way too happy right now! Do you chow down on coffee beans?

Starbucks Psycho Guy on Crack (smiling so big, I think he might pull a muscle): Oh No! I don’t even DRINK coffee!

Me (ready to jump the counter and kill him): BUT, you work at Starbucks! What time do you wake up and go to sleep at night?

Starbucks Psycho Guy on Crack: I go to bed at midnight and get up at 2:30am.

Friend: But that is like 2.5 hours of sleep.

Starbucks Psycho Guy on Crack : I know, life is just so grand! I am just so happy and blessed and I LOVE my job!

Me (LOUDLY): You are just WAY too happy.

Exiting Starbucks

Friend: Your smile, as he was talking, was so fake. I thought you were going to jump the counter and really strangle that guy!

So, I have now been at this blogging thing for awhile now, long enough to consider myself knowledgeable–not yet genius level. Yet. Recently, I have noticed that I get a lot of traffic from being googled. That doesn’t bother me, but the things people type in order to find me are strange to say the least. Very strange, does this reflect upon me? You know, like I can Google CRAZY and my name pops up? That is just amazing.

Here are some of them from yesterday. Do you get weird Google searches too, or is it just me? I know, I am weird and all, but that’s why you love me, right? And my amazing sense of humor.

My thoughts are in italics.

Fail –I do like to talk about failing.

home early morning—Early morning? I don’t do mornings.

fail?—Yea, I get it, I am a failure.

your my favorite crazy ass bitch—Hubby, did you search for me this way?

birthday fail—what is with all the failure, people?

husband & wife cartoon—I am all about cartoons. LOVE EM.

broken wedding rings—Is this symbolic of Hubby and me? Are we broken? I see it more like unique.

money tree—I wish someone would find one for me.

stress reduction kit—stress, what is that?

Strange Husband—Yup, I agree.

pics of grown-ups bebies—Huh? Not the B word….

tee ten gee—WTF?

shamwow guy—Thanks, Lori. I know who he is now!

sisters figting—My crazy sisters…yup

Push—hmmm, like shove? I do push people….

funny looking marriage pics—Well, Hubby is a little funny looking.

narnia stone knife—Huh? I am lost here. I don’t think I have ever blogged about Narnia or knifing someone. Yet.

So, in case you didn’t notice. I had to change my avatar. Yep. Didn’t really want to, but some of you weirdos out there thought it resembled a (hmmmm how do I put this delicately) well, where babies come out (Thanks, Hacim).

What do you think? I guess I just don’t have a twisted mind…wait I take that back….

Today’s version of America’s Next Top Blogger is brought to you by Lori atI Can Grow People. I have known Lori while our Hubbys’ attended grad school and now we have reconnected through our blogs! What a small world!

Her topic/question pertained to the Sham-Wow guy. My thoughts on him and what is his deal?

First off, I must say, you stumped me a bit with this one….Sham…what? I know, where have I been, right? But, I must admit, Lori, I don’t get out much, Hubby keeps me locked in the closet and somehow I must have missed this late night infomercial. So, I googled it (oh, the wonders of google). Yup, there he was staring at me.

ARE.YOU.SERIOUS? Then I realized; I have met him, no not the one in the infomercials, but his evil SHAM-WOW twin brother. Yea, ok, he had different color hair and not the same smile, but the clothes, mic and hairstyle WERE the same and his SHAM was the same! So, here’s the dirt:

A couple weekends, right before Christmas time, Hubby and I were shopping around in the mall and found ourselves at Sears. We were trying to find that one, perfect, last minute gift when lo and behold:

“ATTENTION Customers…if you will come down to the first floor right away and join us for this special in-storedemonstration we will give you a free promotional item just for coming down here.”

FREE? FREE? I looked at Hubby….yes, I LOVE free things. I know, I am so naive. So, Hubby and I trample down to the first floor and lo and behold some amazing product that will change our lives forever.

*Do you hate to clean?(YES!)

*Do you need a product that can make cleaning a breeze? (YES!)

*Do you want to get the hair tumbleweeds off your floor for good? (YES, please!)

Then give me 10 minutes of your time and I will give you one for free!

WOW, really? So, we waited, we participated, we stood, and we watched in amazement. And in the end, all we got was this lousy piece of cloth the size of a tissue that is like a chamois, but not…..but for 3 installments of $19.95….you too can have this life changing floor device.

Yea, SURE.

LAST TIME I fall for that one SCAMMER SHAM people! I hate you. And your evil twin brother!

I have a serious problem; I’ve decided that crazy people are stalking me! I can’t get away from them. I think that they are a necessary part of my life, unavoidable, yet there…just like speeding tickets, traffic, and long lines at the grocery store. These are not your typical “types” of crazy people that belong in the loony bin, but the kinds that are supposed to be educated, fully functional people that are just irrational and clueless.

Help me! Please? (stop smiling!)

Don’t get me wrong, I know we all have a degree of crazy in us (myself included) but SUPER CRAZY…that is what I tend to run into….you know the kind….the ones that are just cuckoo for cocoa puffs!

I guess the reason I meet so many is to build character, right? But, how many “character building” characters do I REALLY need to learn from?! Honestly, I think I have already met my quota for the year and 2009 has barely got off of its’ feet! I think I am in for a LONG year, already.

The only conclusion I can come up with is that I have the KRZY vibe and so the crazies flock to me. The question is: how do I get rid of it? I must emit some type of odor, maybe like catnip where they just flock to me! I mean, really people, REAL.LY.

The types of crazy people that I run into who are “cuckoo for cocoa puffs” are of all ages. But, I especially run into the types who you think would or should know better. YOU.WOULD.THINK. I guess what I cannot get over is how very exhausting the crazies are. They make me questions myself: Is it me or is it you? Am I the Crazy one, or is it you? Did she just say that, or am I imagining it? WHAT? SERIOUSLY?!

I will continue to try and take the high road, but the detours look so appealing…..don’t they? Maybe you had better just commit me, than the crazies won’t be able to find me, right? RIGHT?!