Archive for April, 2010

Open author Jenny Block extols the wonders of the mile high club and the thrills of public, risky sex at Fox News:

With little room to navigate, your bodies come together quickly and with purpose. Within moments, you both reach fever pitch and collapse against the thin divide between the two of you and the rest of the world. No names exchanged, you return to your seats. You just got your membership. Welcome to the Mile High Club.

Exciting, hmmm? At least in theory. I’ve never done it myself. The quarters are a little too tight (and germy) for my taste. Still, the idea of it… and whether it’s with a sexy stranger or your own partner in crime, the thought of coupling in public is hot. Will you get caught? Can anyone hear you? What will happen if you’re exposed?

If not the bathroom, I believe you can still become a card-carrying member with a little under-the-blanket action. The point is still the same – doing what you want to be doing where you should not be doing it.

Of course, airplanes aren’t the only way to fly, as it were. Sure, you can’t get your mile-high membership if you’re grounded. But you can certainly feed the desire for thrilling sex. It’s all about going as close to the edge as you dare – whatever that means for you…

Membership into the elite Mile-High Club has always been difficult to attain. Only those couples who were bold enough to carry on their initiation in the backseats of an under booked airline flight, or wealthy enough to own their own aircraft were usually able to join.

Now you can join the club in romantic comfort, style, and discretion. We are offering you and your loved one the exclusive use of our 20 passenger airliner so that you can become mile-high club members, with all of the safety and privacy that comes with having a large twin-engine turboprop airliner all to yourselves. The cabin is large and roomy, over 20 feet in length, 6 feet wide and 5.5 feet tall. The cockpit is divided from the cabin. We have equipped the cabin with clean, comfortable furnishings. A bottle of chilled champagne along with cheese and crackers are included for the flight.

Once you are aboard, the captain and first officer will communicate with you when it is permitted to move from your seats. This fast climbing aircraft will be one mile high in less than 5 minutes after takeoff. Should an unusual situation occur in the cabin, it is possible to signal the flight crew to deal with it. Otherwise, you and your partner will remain totally undisturbed except for the soothing hum of the engines and the moonlight through the cabin windows.

Does this sound like the gift of a lifetime to give to your significant other? We think it is and invite you to call us with questions. Do not be bashful, the flight crew is made up of mature, dedicated professionals. The crew will never interfere, participate or comment in anyway on anything that goes on in the cabin, they are there to fly the plane. Furthermore, they are bound under contract to total secrecy and discretion as to the identities of our customers.

Over at City Pages blog Gimme Noise, Patrick Strait gives some advice on joining what he prefers to call the “boner-high club” – it’s hilariously awesome (he also calls it “hot sky-love,” another phrase I’m digging):

The most important first step when it comes to finding a “Boner-High Club” partner (totally rolls off the tongue, amiright?) is scouting the talent on the plane.

So who should you look for? The fun-loving college girl who is super-psyched to do tequila shots on the beach? The sexy cougar who has already had three red wines before take off? The creepy 27-year-old throwing a temper tantrum over the fact that they aren’t offering Coors Light (the official beer of sky-boning) on the flight?

No. I’m talking about the flight attendants. Hear me out.

After sitting on a plane for four hours, most people are tired, bored and full of rage. Now imagine being on a plane for 18 hours straight. What would you do to break up the monotony?

Exactly; anything.

That’s why you need to keep your eyes open and look for flight attendants who appear to be somewhat sleep deprived and potentially delusional. They’ll be looking for any source of entertainment, opening the door for a romantic encounter for even the most mediocre of gentlemen.