From mud huts, umqomboti and straightback to penthouses, expensive weaves and moet!

Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Four

I think I shocked her beyond measure. I shocked me to be honest because she did look that hot but I was not going to be seduced by her again. That’s like the ANC asking Julius to come back! Come on now! Lessons learnt!

“Yho!”

That was her response! I had hurt her feelings and I was certain she would kick me out. She went back upstairs. I debated with myself whether to chase after her or not and apologise but I chose to sit. When she came back down she went to the kitchen without saying a word. Ok fine maybe that was a tad bit too harsh. I went to her and said,

“If you want I will move out in the morning!”

She was horrified by that statement!

“No! Why would you want to do that? I am sorry ok. I came off wrong and I am sorry!”

She apologised. Had I misread the signs.

“It’s just that you have been there for me like no one else and at this moment I would do anything not mess up this friendship we have struck!”

I said calmly. Lol, did I say ‘lol’ well I can’t help it, nothing sucks more than being friendzones. It’s like being given a blowjob by the woman of your dreams and being left halfway. You are glad that finally she has done it but angry at that it was not quite what you hoped for. It’s a poor man’s compromise. She smiled uneasily but I could sense she was cursing behind that smile. Picture that outfit on Asthandile though, Mmmmm maybe!

I went to sit down and this asset thing was making me think of her even more. I actually missed her!

Dinner was surprisingly very pleasant. We joked and teased each other through it. I did not want to rile her up after that insult. She was happy. She worked very hard to show me that she was cool with me. When a woman wants a man there is nothing she will not do. I helped with the dishes and we watched tv together afterwards laughing at stupid things.

When we said goodnight she went to her room and I went to mine. I took a shower first then started getting ready for bed. I opened the closet to take out pajamas. The wall was thin and I could hear her on the phone.

“… I love him so much. I think he will come around because I am going to be on my best behavior! This is a man you keep!”

She said. She went quiet which made me think that whoever she was talking to had gone quiet!

“You snooze you lose! She cheated on her man with that loser. I did not set that up. All I did was introduce them and I did not know the fool would fall for a married man. Funny thing I actually warned that he was a player and she said it was better than Mxolisi whom she called a wimp. Well then, why should I regret going for him?”

She said. I don’t think she knew I could hear her so this was no set up. It made sense though because I had suspected this before. No wonder why she had been so forgiving. I had sat down on my bed side when I got a call. It was Zimasa.

“Please come home. Please come work things with her. She has been crying non stop for two days now I am so scared. She does not eat, she does not sleep, has not bathed even. Please I am begging you do not do this!”

She pleaded with me. Here was a 17 year old trying to keep the ship from sinking. I felt a bit embarrassed but my mind had been made up. She told me that her parents were coming to intervene. They were expected the following day. I already knew how this would go. Her parents were not going to fight for us to stay together. Not them. They were coming to tell her that she must fight to take everything. I did say they were very ambitious when it comes to their daughter and in the eyes I had not been good enough. One thing that Asthandile had miscalculated greatly was the fact that by killing Lindiwe they had no way of proving that the baby in her was mine meaning she had nothing to fight the prenuptial agreement. I had to prepare regardless. As soon as I put the hone down an sms came in…

“Please sir do not humiliate my family. You need to pay damages for my daughter. We are mourning but we need to do things right. Lindiwe’s mother!”

O crap! This was getting out of control I had to do something before they showed up in my office or my home!

Dear Mr Maphoto
Firstly let me applaud you for the good work you doing, your diary have changed lot of people’s lives including mine and still continuing to do so. Secondly please forgive me because my letter is long.
Well i am a 25yrs old lady and i have been raised by my both unemployed parents. I am writing this letter in a verge of tears because i have been experiencing lot of problems lately, the thing is i have started seeing my periods when i was eight 8yrs and two years later they stopped completely, i couldn’t tell my parents because i knew they couldn’t even afford a doctor so three years later after they have stopped, they come back but in an irregular way because i started seeing them once or twice a year and that was when i started having slightly stomach cramps and pains. As years pass by the problem start getting more and more serious, i experience lot of back pain, terrible headache, sleeping apnea, i get tired easily, my legs are always painful and virginal pains. I have tried so many things and am scared i will end up killing myself with all the medications i get, i went to so many clinics, prophets, church and traditional doctors but nothing ever helped me. Well i can’t afford to go to see a gynaecologist/specialist since my parents can’t afford it plus am still a student in the moment.
This problem is really worrying me because it started to affect my studies, i am a HRD B-tech student. All i ever want in my life is to get successful and get my parents out of poverty but it gets tough each time because my headache resulted to an extend that i forget things easily and became more and more painful each day, what pains me worse is that i can’t tell my parents cause it will torn them apart, i even thought of dropping out school because i use library computers to type my assignments since my most work at school is based on presentations and assignment but my back pain and headaches won’t allow me, sometimes my friend borrow me her laptop to do some of my school work in my room, its only two weeks since i started attending but i can’t handle the pressure the reason why i wrote this later is because i need advice, please guys please any advice or help will be appreciated. i run out of ideas on how to deal with my problem, i am tired over dosing my body with pain blocks and panado’s, dropping out of school now is not an option since it helps me with an internet to do my job haunting.
Thank you
Sick and tired

Happy 1st Anniversary Memoirs, been one hell of a journey, still going strong. Thanks Mikeesto and the team for blessing our everyday lives with endless doses of life. Ngyabonga Mina.

Was that an SMS from Lindiwe’s mom after Zimasa’s call? Kinder got lost there somewhere.

Sick and tired,I’m not sure if they do but maybe going to a public hospital can do you good since you can’t afford a private doctor, they must have a gynae in the system surely. If that fails, an appointment with one is no more than R800 standard. Maybe your friends can contribute towards it, worth the shot.

Mxo is bad,anyhow as 4 usisi they public hospital that can help 1st u go to ur nearest clinic they refer u to hospital to see a gynaecologist,not all gynaecologist go open private practice…17yrs is a long tym with ur illness,good luck n god bless u

Thanx mike,i think after the call with zimasa came the sms while mxo was deep in thought lol, aybo mike wasnt lindiwe an orphan who raised herself and her sibling after being thrown from relative to relative.

sick and tired go to a public clinic it will refer you to a public hospital where u can see a gynae or whatever doctor u need to see your body seems to be shutting down slowly if u dont act now u will die and leave your parents in poverty forever.

Q&A There are gynae’s available through the public health system you don’t have to go to private one even because if you have to have operations and the likes then its still going to cost you as you would be in a private hospital and private healthcare. Your situation sees very dire, you have to go to the clinic urgently so that they can check you and refer to you to a public hospital where a gynae will check you and even if you have to pay money i doubt it will be more that R50. Good luc hope you get better.

Pls somebody clarify this ‘damages story’ ka Lindiwe. Are damages not supposed to be paid for the first child a woman has outside wedlock? My understanding was that you pay for those damages, because when that woman marries somebody else, the lobola will not be complete coz you shall have had a child out of wedlock and inkomo (as in cows zelobolo) kaMama iyobe ingasekho. So why does this family want damages for baby no. 2; coz Lindiwe already had a 4 yr old child. The father of the first child should have paid those ‘damages’

I guess Lindiwe’s mom is thinking a lot whilst she is sitting on that mattress. Mxolisi, must research this if he is not sure about this culture and do what is right so Lindiwe can rest in peace and her family can have peace. Its not like he will be paying maintenance monthly, its a once off amount which he was going to pay if she was alive, he can’t prove the baby is his so he must pay and move on. He has bigger problems than this.

Sick and tired you mentioned you have been to clinics but have you been to a hospital. I know some state hospitals have Drs and specialists now. I know going to a state hospital will require a high level of patience because of the high number of people who go there but sisi if you don’t have money for a gynae, then you just have to endure a state hospital visit.

Dear sick and tired I understand your dilemma because I’m in the same boat. I have an issue that needs a gynae I’ve had it for years and each time I go to the clinic,hospital or a private doctor I get treated for every kind of disease they decide I have. Therefore my advice is get a part time job promotions or something and save up the money to go and see a gynae. When you get there insists on tests and scans because if you let then treat you from out of their head or just by touching you nothing will ever be solved. I’m also currently saving up to see a gynae I suggest you do the same. I believe public health service is not always efficient because most are of them don’t give a patient full and enough attention. They are always in a hurry to see the next person so unless your sickness is super visible you won’t get much help. See a private specialist wh re you can insist on being checked and treated well because you pay for the service.

sick and tired u shud try going to a public hospitals there is a gynae there and if dey dont have at ur nearest hospital they can transfer u to another one that has. i have been to a gynae from a public hospital and they helped me. give it try

Lindiwe’s family are trying to extort you Mxo, why want damages for a dead child and dead woman?! Maybe that’s why her first baby daddy ran away, because of these greedy family. Tell them you are not even sure the baby was yours, and that Lindiwe drugged you so she can sleep with, but you forgave her to keep the peace. They are playing dirty, so play dirty too, remember you don’t remember what happened you just woke up to finding yourself naked?! Mxo don’t be fooled by Khanyi, that’s her house she knows the walls are thin, what happened to her admitting to the fact that Asthandile asked her to seduce you, so you can both be square when it comes to cheating?!

Dear Sick and Tired..I know how you feel but have you ever considered changing your diet? nothing fancy just altering the way you cook and what you consume..i know on a students budget it can be tough and especially with your situation so here are my tips o what to do..i also had similiar problems to you and i found that alternative medication can help..go on the net and look for health benefits of certain foods and spices you use at home..for instance cayenne pepper is something we use at home to cook and its a good blood cleanser and has other medicinal uses..cranberry juice can assist with headaches and so forth,ginseng is good for energy..the lovely thing about some of these herbs if you find the right supply shop they are quite cheap and you end up spending less than what you would purchasing medicine as they can be harmful to the body..water water water!!drink lots of water that is by far the best natural remedy you can find and it releases some of these toxins..limit tv and all the other exhausting stuff because really time spent watching tv can be used for much needed rest..start doing brain excercises..such as sudoku,cross word puzzles and so forth..lots of magazines have them so fish out for old magazines tear out the back section and compile a brain excercise file for yourself..it works trust me..and ofcourse go to a public hospital i am certain yu can be assisted there..take walks around the block and on campus as well as that could also assist..all the best..

Government provides us with free gynanecologist …go to the nearest clinic…tell them ur problem they will refere u to the general hospital…and if the problem is serious u will be refered to those govt hospital in big cities like Pta or Cpt or DBN

Dear Sick and Tired
What you have to do is go to a clinic and ask the doctor to refer you to a public hospital… If you in Gauteng I recommend Helen Joseph or Baragwanath hospital…. I’m undergoing surgery at Bara and it’s really good you don’t pay more than R40 if you don’t have it they’ll still treat you

QnA you should try public hospitals especially big ones they usually have all the departments and are quite serioys when it comes to women’s health. We would advice you better if we new where you are currently resising. All the best and please don’t give up on your studies.

thanks Mike for a great read. Mxo really should man up and get s place of his own y does he keep running to Khanyi?
As fo lindiwe’s family they behaving like desperate ppl I mean its not like Mxo and Lindiwe were Dating or staying together they should just bury their daughter nje nxm so dramatic.

Those who keep saying they don’t see where Lindiwe’s mother came I. Go read again but there’s a part that says “As soon as I put the phone down an sms came in…

“Please sir do not humiliate my family. You need to pay damages for my daughter. We are mourning but we need to do things right. Lindiwe’s mother!”
That is straight forward….

Q&A go to a public hospital they have Gynaecologists there you just have to ask for an appointment they will help u….. St 25 u should know such things

sick and tired,go to the clinic and ask them for referral letter to the nearest hospital,government,if you stay in jozi it’s easier,the are very good gynecologist in public service,you have allowed that to go on forever,why do you want a private doctor if you can’t afford one,you will get help in the public sector sis,a lil patience and perseverance will be order of the day for you to get help..

Thanks Mike. Those who dont know what was a problem with SMS that people are asking about, there was no sentence about SMS coming in but just jumped into the message. Of course Mike does read our comments and fixed it quickly (as you can see phone is spelt hone).
Cant wait for drama when meeting the parents. The issue of damages is always a debatable issue; normally if the guy does not pay damages then the baby takes mother’s surname. So, I dont understand why they insist on the baby taking Mxo’s surname.

QnA
You should understand that going to private gyne will require more than one trip (so if the fee is R800 you may incur two or more R800) as he will have to do multi-tests and some of which will not be on the same day, so it is out of question for you. Go public. I know most of our public hospitals are not resourced but you can go to one of the academic hospital clinic (yes some hospitals have their internal clinics), just get address of someone in the vicinity of that hospital.

If that does not work, when going to your local clinic (preferably where you are studying not at home), ask them to give you referral to the hospital gyne.

If you are in Johannesburg go to hiilbrow clinic,bring all your medication that you are taking with,they will refer you to Johannesburg hospital,they have very good doctors and the waiting list is not forever,you might actually need an operation….a baby girl with a that kind of problem is considered an emergency,if you told your mom who doesn’t have money she could have ran and got help you

@ Sick and tired my heart bleed for you. I think the best way is to try raise some money and go to a gynaecologist. Try DR Seabe from Life Brenthurst I think it is 1000 including consultation if not on medical aid but he is quiet good and he will be able to assist. You need to get tested for this could cause some serious problems including fertility. So you need to attend to this as soon as possible.

Today’s story seems a lil shorter than other days and I just feel that this diary is slowly dying out, I don’t know if you’re running out of ideas for the story which started off great at the beginning.. maybe it’s about that time to put it to rest..

Ms Sick & Tired, like many have advised you here, try a public hospital because they do have the facilities to assist you. I can tell you now that just because you are paying a specialist doesn’t guarantee you help because I have been there. Please stop self-medicating yourself immediately, you are subjecting your body to resistance without dealing with the issue.

I used to have the same problem as you until late last year. Well in my case my menses started only after I finished matric, I would have them once or twice at most per year and sometimes that once a year I would have them for 6 weeks straight. I was lucky enough that I could afford a Gynaecologist so when I was about 22 I went to one, was diagnosed with PCOS and put on the pill to help regulate me, but the pains just did not stop, all it helped (or not) was give me periods on a monthly basis. I went to at least 6 different gynaecologists and obstetricians over a period of 6 years and they all concluded that I have PCOS but the different contraceptives that they had given were just not really helping. Last year I found a Gynae (consultation was R650) and he put me on a pill for 3 months, told me to start exercising and drinking tons and tons of water and eat healthy. I tried that, 3 months was up in September last year and I have had my menses normal since then (not using the pill anymore), with minimal abdominal pains, my cysts have reduced significantly, my headaches and back pains are gone, and the bonus to it all is that I look a whole lot better than I have in over 10 years. I do get period pains but they are now normal and I can function like any other woman.

What I am trying to say is that do not base your hope on just seeing a specialist. Try changing your eating habits and go on a healthy lifestyle, drink tons of water everyday, try exercising (no need for gym because I walk and jog and stretch at home). This will help you release toxins in your body and may have an effect on relieving the pains that you experience.

Please do follow the advice of visiting a public hospital and let them check to see if you don’t have any large cysts or other conditions that need urgent attention.

Periods are not worth you giving up on your future for. This can be overcome with the right channels.

sick and tired, i have also been in that same predicament while i was in high school and didn’t have a medical aid. what you can do is go to your local clinic and request to be referred to a gynea in Baragwanath academic hospital (if ur in soweto). their consultation and everything else is less that R40 and u will undergo examinations, operations and medication if need be but they are really helpful. you will be seen by a gynae almost every second week but it is worth the hussle. please get well soon as help is svailable in public hospitals……all the best

Q&A
U said u are a student right you can go to one of the lectures at ur university’s health department explain your situation am sure they can refer you to a practicing frnd or doctor who can treat you free

welldone Mike.. #clap twice# Mxo, pls dont pay those damages, that will be ur evidence that you were cheating.. Mxo you are not a saint but I really dont want Asithandile to win this battle, especially now because she killed Lindiwe..

Q&A best advisor to most commentors, GO AND CONSULT A STATE HOSPITAL..

Thanks Mike for our daily dose. @sick and tired, there are clinics at Univerisities for registered students.Their services are free for students for consultations with Dr’s and nurses. Find out from the student development centre/client service centre or SRC offices. All you do, is to produce your student card. It is unfortunate ’cause you didn’t mention your lacation. There is a very good academic hospital in Pretoria: Pretoria academic but now called Steve Biko. I’m sure they will charge you a reasonable amount. Don’t lose hope sisi. These are trials and tribulations of life. Like one reader mentioned, it can lead to infertility if not treated on time. Go to your varsity library or internet labs for students and google Steve Biko’s contact details. Goodluck!

Phela they minus one cow for waxh child when lobola is being paid..I don’t know why Mxo has to pay when Lindiwe won’t be getting married anyway

Sick and tired..
The same private gynaes my dear are the ones you find in public hospitals..go to the hospital and get help!!
Maybe you should speak to your parents as well nje for moral support,you need it because it sounds like you not coping.ther support will make all the difference.
Good luck

QnA: Please try and get green tea, I know someone who had a similar problem and was only helped by drinking Lipton green tea. She didn’t even have to go see a doctor afterwards coz her normal periods came back. At first, ernomous clots came out then her normal periods resumed regularly.

I have a few of the symptoms that you have mentioned and I have also been put on the pill. But I recently decided to change my diet, cut down on dairy products, processed food, junk food, I eat a lot of fruits and vegetables and drink A LOT of water, and honestly I feel so much better and I don’t have to deal with pain on the daily as much as I used to. Seeing a gynae was really helpful obviously, but a lifestyle change can go a really long way
.