Tag: feminism

Throughout the years, I’ve been exposed to a lot of things I’ve grown to care about and follow closely. I used to live in my own bubble, and my life mostly consisted of my parents, my piano, my books, and the internet, most of which I used to casually stalk other people on facebook, and watch korean dramas. During my high school years was when I started to pay attention to movies and film music and start a notebook. But it wasn’t until college that I ventured out of my bubble, became friends with gay people, started reading up on news and politics, and discovered through experience how wrong it was to assume people thought, felt, or processed things the same way I did. I made friends, drifted apart from friends, and learned how it was normal for shitty things to happen, but that it was still important regardless to retain my empathy and sensitivity in a healthy amount. I’m proud that I’ve decreased my level of ignorance, even though I’m sure there are still tons of things out there I’m not aware of.

And now it’s come to the chapter of post-graduation life. In the three years since college, I’ve continued to grow by becoming more aware of myself as a person as well as building on my understanding of different issues globally.

One of my passions have become following the representation of Asian-Americans across the spectrum of different things, particularly media (shout-out to BTS and Awkwafina in particular this week!)

I’m really disappointed in the Kavanaugh-Ford result this week, and find it harder to have faith in our government in general. I also need to read up on what the current election situation is.

I’m now a partial-vegetarian: I’ve been such for about 2-3 months now. I consciously avoid beef/cow and pig/pork now. I don’t buy it, and if there were other food options I would choose the alternate food option. The only time I still eat it is if for example, my mom made pork soup and it’s already been prepared, or if I’m at a friend’s house and it’s rude to refuse. The reason being, from a moral perspective I’m not sure I could kill a cow or pig unless I had no choice, especially being aware that a pig is smarter than a dog, and dogs are so wonderful and intuitive. I think I’d be okay killing a chicken or seafood though, so I still eat those. I also understand why people consume meat, but the food should be treated with respect. My mom used to lecture me on starving kids in Africa and never to waste food. It gave me a lot of pressure especially since I had eating problems as a kid, but as an adult, I fully understand what she was getting at. From my perspective, eat it if you want, but don’t just eat a bite and throw it away nonchalantly. This is particularly for meat, because an animal did have to be sacrificed for you to fill your stomach. And because the meat industry is so industrialized, we don’t think about this when we purchase a slab of steak at the supermarket. That’s really upsetting to me.

Related, but Americans in particular are so wasteful, and our environment is in danger. We’re all conscious now about global warming and entire ecosystems being tainted with pollution, and polar bears drowning or starving because of us. I know the problems are so convoluted and big that I can’t change things alone, but I’d like to rid myself of the guilt of adding to the problems. So some changes I’ve made are to always use my refillable water bottle, and I haven’t touched a plastic bottle in the past 3 months or so. I’ve been nagging my parents to do the same, which is ironic since my mom used to be the one to nag us. It’s really easy to grab a plastic water bottle on the go, but in my opinion, those are there for exceptions, such as emergencies, or for a guest in need. You don’t need a plastic bottle to use at home. I also have been trying to put leftovers in containers so we use less plastic wrap. We have a semi-compost situation where we throw our rotted vegetables and egg shells in a separate bin. My next step is to buy a refillable bubble tea container, or at least a silicone or glass straw.

I need to organize my clothes and Marie Kondo the old clothes that do nothing for me.

Some mistakes have happened at work this past week, but not even knowing if those mistakes came from me or something else made me realize I needed to have a talk with my boss about receiving additional training. I needed to understand from a holistic perspective about the company, and he wholeheartedly agreed and supported my thoughts. My co-workers encouraged me to stand up for myself and have that discussion, so I feel grateful and proud of myself for again, venturing out of my comfort zone.

I guess life consists a lot about making choices that you’re comfortable with. I can’t keep focusing on upsetting thoughts like where my potential life could be at if I wasn’t held back by my illness. Even though there are an infinite amount of things happening around me that are terrible, I feel a bit better in the knowledge that I am trying my best to do my part to make a difference, even if it’s just a tiny bit. At least I can live with myself, knowing I have no regrets, that I don’t have guilt in my hypocrisy, and that I continue to push through, admit to my mistakes and grow. That’s what’s most important to me these days.

I’ve been reading some articles and thinking a lot about how gender plays into our lives and destines us to certain fates and expectations in our lives. I guess this came from a conversation I had visiting my friend and her baby recently.

She told me that she wished so hard that her baby would be a boy. I asked her why. She said because she did not wish her baby to suffer more than what the world would already have out for it as it grows up. If it were born a girl, she would worry about her baby having to grow up with more inequalities stacked up against her: she’d have to worry about her baby being raped, sexually harassed, prejudiced in the workplace, and many other horrible things. It made me really sad as I don’t have my own baby and it really opened up my eyes to how many of my friends have repeated the same thought to me before.

So it’s not that women are “weaker” and need to be protected, but we generate this belief and want to protect them more in order to shield them from the dirty world out there… the odds that are stacked up higher. They’re not the problem, they are not placed on this earth to ruin you or tempt you or whatever bullshit. The world and its perception towards women is the one that needs changing. Take responsibility for your own faulty beliefs.

At the end of the day, we’re all human. We’re all just people trying to make it through life. I wish more men would treat and view women as fellow people first, and women second. Our values and our potentials and our rights are not defined only by our being female. There is a reason why terms like “friend zone” is such a problem when its original definition should be innocuous: because it does exactly that- it creates this erroneous idea that women are not worth keeping around if guys don’t get what they wanted or pursued. It’s not okay, and people need to become more aware of their own misperceptions because it is so deeply imbedded in our culture.

I’d like our babies to grow up in a world where we don’t have to fear that our child is born a girl.

UGH. ranting cause so worked up all of a suddenly. I think I’m too mad to post this publicly lol I just sound bitter now -.-

As a person who is constantly overwhelmed by self-doubt and lack of confidence, I spend so much time as an INFJ also meditating how to make the world a better place- how can I impact the world and leave it a bit better than I found it? I don’t have ambitions as high as becoming the first female president, but there are subtle moments in our day-to-day that we can change and influence others, that become a wave of a bigger movement with one small decision.

It’s okay if you’re not perfect and live in a zero-waste house, for example, as long as you are at least conscious and working on improving lessening your wasteful contribution to the garbage landfills.

After researching a lot about environmental waste, particularly about non-biodegradeable products that are incredibly harmful in mass doses, I came across this website that discussed a movement in Berkeley, California encouraging restaurants and other cities to become straw-free. Of course, there are always people who might dismiss the idea with the thought that we are those annoying hipster tree-huggers. But I don’t consider myself one, in that I don’t censor and become super paranoid about using a plastic bottle for example. However, it is a simple solution that makes a lot of sense to me in persuading restaurants to become straw-free, cutting costs down for them as well as benefitting the environment. Straws are a superfluous product, one that we might enjoy using, but definitely do not need. It was surprising to me to find out that straws are one of the top 10 items contributing to total garbage littering our natural environment. So I thought, where can I make the biggest impact in as short and efficient of a time as possible? I looked up Applebee’s, a place that my fellowship and I frequent with up to 20 people if not over, almost weekly. I sent an email complimenting their staff, but also suggesting how cutting down on offering straws would make a huge difference.

Today, the manager called me and talked to me about it!! He said he never thought about it, but it was a pretty good idea and he would talk to upper management about it. The issue was that they used it as a difference between straws used for alcohol so that they could catch underage kids drinking. We talked for a couple minutes and he said his name was Jesse and I should flag him down next time I’m there so we could meet. I just thought it was so awesome of him to reach out and seem to actually CARE. YAY HUMANITY IS NOT LOST.

The second moment was when I wanted to join a bunch of dudes in watching basketball, and when I went to watch, one of the guys jokingly said, “get outta here, we’re tryna watch the game.” At first, my instinct was to laugh since they were laughing too, and I knew they were joking. One of the guys next to him was like yo that’s sexist. However, somehow I found the courage to speak up and ask him to apologize, in which he did, twice, the second time sincerely. I don’t know, maybe it wasn’t worth writing a long post about, but I felt empowered and proud of myself for these small moments of hopefully contributing to a bigger wave of change in our thinking and our choices that we make.

What are the main differences between pity, sympathy, and empathy? Are there two different levels of empathy? A. Having gone through the same, or very similar experience where you understand deeply B. Can understand as explained to you, as you willingly strive to seek out understanding of another’s experiences

What determines what is art and what is not? Is it enough that it makes one feel an emotion, or an opinion? What about if something is crudely done in controversy? Perhaps this is how famous celebrities (Kim K, Andy Warhol, Trump, the Pepsi commercial) garner publicity knowingly and manipulatively

Everything in life mainly revolves around the goal of Efficiency, which will lead to Effectiveness. Example: Why Marie Kondo’s book on tidying and organizing became a bestseller as we have so much waste and crap in our houses. It is how I learned to memorize my music with intent and away from the piano, more intensely in less time, but more mentally draining regardless. Creative design should also focus on minimize waste, energy, time. Should the same concept be applied for empathy?

Things that are wasteful but shouldn’t be… 40% groceries wasted away in the average American household- why??

Taco Bell sauce packets

Throwing away or not having anywhere to place reusable teabags…

What are my strengths and current goals? Curiosity, focus, and intense determination

How do we increase efficiency in obtaining empathy in each other in a simple, direct manner that makes sense? –> perspective of woman translating well for men. Struggles of Asian Americans and immigrants, their story to become understanding or more relatable.

I finished watching “Sing” last night and I have to say, even though it was more enjoyable than not, I couldn’t help but compare it side by side to the other Pixar films and feel that it fell a bit flat. First of all, maybe there were just too many characters with subplots that the overall arch had a little struggle in transition and screenplay… my favorite was probably Johnny and his father’s relationship and how it reconciled towards the end, that was touching. But the rest felt a bit disconnected and the emotion didn’t feel translated well, particularly with Buster Moon and Meena’s story. It was lacking a bit of a magical, more in-depth touch that Pixar movies like Toy Story, Up and Finding Nemo/Finding Dory has. That said, I will refrain from judging the whole of Sony vs. Pixar animations since Pixar’s had a few apparently lackluster ones recently, such as “The Good Dinosaur” and “Cars 2”.

On the days when I wallow in depression or pity for myself, whatever mood or situation that brought me down tends to lead to other thoughts that bring more negativity. I noticed that in a lot of the issues regarding inequality in America, I don’t necessarily have it the worst – for example, I am not a black woman, I am not a refugee, and I am not living in poverty. However, there are many other parts of my identity that I am discriminated against, and I start to sit back and count all the ways in which I am “losing out” in our society. Asian, a woman, and also dealing with chronic illness and anxiety/depression issues.

But you know what? I don’t particularly concentrate on that every moment of my life- most of the time, I’m just, me. And in another perspective, I have one foot in in multiple kinds of discriminative causes and conditions, and that gives me a firsthand look into other people’s eyes and experiences. I have greater empathy and understanding because of it, and I can use this as a strength in life.

Someone once asked me before if I was a Christian or not. I responded “Technically, I am I guess.” The answer understandably complexed him, because well, it confuses me too.

Let me start from the beginning. When I was hospitalized at the age of three, my parents were Buddhists. I remember faintly the scent of burning incense with some sort of mini red and gold shrine in our house. The suffering they went through guided them to pray to a different figure instead, and well, six weeks later, I got to come home. From that time on, we thanked God before every meal, and my family attended church and were involved in the religious community for about a decade. At some point though, I’m not sure if it was necessarily loss of faith, but rather the experience of witnessing and experiencing hypocritical and un-Christian-like behavior that caused a drift from the church.

Regardless, even though it may be wrong, I always couldn’t help but wonder, question, and even challenge the whole idea of God, and what it meant to be a devout, true, “good” believer. When I was about seven years old, I would think up immature ways to test that God was real, like praying that the water be turned hot immediately if he was indeed, listening to me. I was incredulous that God had the ability and personableness to attend to my talks with him if other people were also demanding his attention. Not understanding the concept of faith either, I would also request that he perform other similar mini miracles to prove his existence.

At my mom’s deepest moments of despair, I heard her once whisper that it was unfair and that it felt like we were being punished. Though brief, that moment stayed with me, and throughout life later, whenever I witnessed or experienced pain, I would cry out in my head, Where are you now? Why aren’t you helping if you care? Nevertheless, no matter how much I felt upset or resentful, like a habit I couldn’t help but converse with God whenever I was feeling very, very lost.

After we stopped going to church much when I was around twelve years old, it wasn’t until I entered college that my identity in limbo as a Christian would be pulled to the forefront again. There was a group of older Asian students I wanted to be friends with, but I soon found out they were very religious. The first time I sat down with a particular senior in the student center, he stared at me and flat out asked if I was a Christian. I said yes. He asked what kind of Christian I was, to which I felt stupid and couldn’t answer because I wasn’t sure. He asked if I attended church regularly, and I said no, I had stopped going when I was about twelve. After a long awkward pause, he continued staring at me and then finally said, “Well, that’s okay” even though it felt like I had failed some interview. I felt incredibly intimidated. Nevertheless, I would end up becoming better friends with some of the other people in the group, the ones who at least, didn’t make me feel uncomfortable or judge me for any transgressions I might commit by accident, such as cursing or sharing openly that I had imbibed some alcohol. The ones who were genuine in their goodheartedness, and that took awhile to read and sort out.

During my darkest period of time, I started to attend one of the weekly Christian discussion meet ups, openly tearing up at bible passages, but also recklessly challenging perspectives not meaning to be rude, but in a genuine quest to understand better what it meant to be Christian and why certain beliefs were formed. For example, I didn’t understand why some Christians believed all non-believers were denied entry to heaven when some of my closest friends and most wonderful human beings were non-believers, while there are more than enough shitty Christians who give all Christians a bad name in the world… while Hitler could be allowed in if he found redemption the second before his death and asked for forgiveness. I didn’t agree with the idea that homosexual people were sinners, just as liars and other kinds of sins existed. How could it be a sin if you had no choice in the matter and were born to love one or the other type of person? I wasn’t particularly pro-LGBT rights before I got to college; I simply had no opinion and had lead a pretty sheltered, conservative life. From my standpoint, I believe that the bible has great teachings to share with us, but it is definitely outdated and open for interpretation. But stubbornness and strong faith leads us to believe that it is not interpretation, but simply the word of God, and there is no room for debate, only truth.

Whenever I entered discussions with religious friends, it felt enlightening but also like we were entering a delicate danger zone. At my most vulnerable, I reached out to many people and some reached back. I am forever grateful for that, but always wondered if it was because they were good friends and cared for me, or because they felt pity and considered it a duty to lend me a hand. I suppose it could be both, that they loved me and that it was through God’s love as well? At my darkest times, I felt conflicting emotions when some friends would attempt to comfort me by sending me more bible passages. Maybe they provided a minimal sort of comfort, but it also kind of irked me. However, I recognized that it was a way of sharing their care for me in their own way, and I felt a tremendous amount of gratitude.

One particular story never sat well with me, and that was the passage where God tells Abraham to sacrifice his own son as evidence of his loyalty to him. That didn’t sound like a very kind God to me, it felt cruel to force anyone to choose between someone else one loved and yourself. But was I blasphemous for thinking these kinds of thoughts, would I end up denied entry as well? I say that in an attempt to avoid the sentencing of going to hell for eternity instead… again, that seems rather unforgiving. My friend once said that she doesn’t believe there is a hell, it’s just too extreme. When we got into a heavy discussion about heaven and hell, I came to a theory that for people who have comparably minimal worries in this life on this planet with no particular worries embedded in serious health or financial issues, maybe that was the heaven that God has blessed them with (also, please, no more #blessed. It’s an abused word). After all, for immigrants or refugees, the ultimate dream was to reach a safe land where they could live together and provide each other with food and basic comforts, not just survive day to day, and so many of us already have that that we don’t even notice it. So if you already have all of these elements, and are deeply worried about getting better clothes than your friends, or a hot boyfriend or something like that, check yourself.

And while we are on the subject of hypocrisy, there is A. LOT. OF. THAT. It’s a ridiculously easy thing to do, and all of us do it from time to time. But everyone is constantly passing judgments off of each other, even Christians. I get that even Christians can make mistakes, but it just seems I hold Christians to higher standards especially ones who are always focused on telling others what it meant to be a real Christian and holding others in contempt for not doing the same. I think it’s important to respect your body and treat it well, but i also think it is a woman’s right to dress themselves however they see fit and not have to get a giant scarlet “A” slapped on them for it since men don’t. That doesn’t mean I am a fan of Kim Kardashian for showing her nakedness all the time everywhere she goes, because I don’t think starting your fame from a sex tape is a skill I admire, and I don’t think her main goal of being naked all the time is to conquer and end gender inequality. She is obviously talented at staying in the public eye, but to constantly seek the limelight and be considered a role model isn’t healthy either. Even her sister Kylie’s example encourages young girls to demand a specific type of beauty that exudes superficiality with lip fillers and plastic surgery, and there’s more than enough of that in the world. At the very least, that entire clan can use their platform to contribute more to society. But maybe my opinion is misconstrued by what I don’t know. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with embracing your curves, but I also think she gets way too much fame and money for no particular reason. News articles and the media are always featuring the latest antics of Kimye and whether Kylie and Tyga are back together, but girls in our culture pay attention to that shit, and we prize that clan’s flaunting lips and booties over girls fighting for their rights in challenging societies, risking their lives to make a real difference, like Malala Yousafzai. But I think I know what the issue is here. We prefer not to dip into others’ tainted waters, we prefer to stand by the pool in our shades, all the while saying “Oh man, that’s awful!” We want to block out all the misery in the world instead of get swallowed up in it, because it’s much easier that way. When I look at the seven featured Facebook news, I find myself gravitating towards opening the one about TSwift and THiddleston on their romantic getaway abroad, making out, rather than the one about more killings and deaths in another airport.

Going back to my original ramble, I think women are valuable beings who deserve to be treated with respect from their counterparts, and not suppressed or mistreated by men, but that does not mean they are holy vessels who must absolutely save themselves for marriage. (It’s always been a bit amusing to me that I am considered a wild child in comparison to my conservative Asian parents and their friends and more so to other Asians, particularly in the motherland- yet, I am by far the most prude in other groups of friends. I’ve always considered myself standing somewhere on middle ground on the spectrum, always in moderation of opposing opinions, yet if I had to choose, I’d say I agree more so with the perspective of most in modern times, yet my natural inclinations lean towards conservative views; after all, I am an old soul).

To expand on that, a lot of women have been pushing the boundaries for gender equality and demanding that women get to sexually explore as much as men do. While I think it’s a fair right to demand, I also am just not a fan of hook up culture personally, and wish both men and women don’t sleep around so casually, because while I don’t think waiting until marriage is practical or reasonable, I still think the idea of sharing bodies is so intimate that it has to mean something to both parties. I also believe it is my right to go out and have a night of fun that may or may not involve drinking a little or wearing an outfit that may or may not reveal more skin, as long as it’s responsibly handled and there is no disrespect and lack of consideration for others (acting trashy, there is a difference here that many conservatives don’t seem to consider). Some people do curse too much, and it can get excessively rude or annoying, but if you’re judging the quality of a human being as a whole by how much profanity they spout above their actions, something is clearly wrong. There are plenty of people who appear friendly and nice on the outside, but won’t be there where it counts down the wire, just like there are tons of individuals who seem rough around the edges but are actually some of the kindest souls out there. If we had to nitpick, I think the amount of cursing one produces should be ranked pretty low on the scale, wouldn’t you say?

Bottom line, I can see how tempting it can be to believe wholeheartedly in God and find peace and comfort in having full faith, but my doubts have rarely strayed from my thoughts. Christianity has been the cause of the crusades, wars and killings of other religions, intolerance practiced, multiple incidents of misrepresentation and dark interpretations of the bible. I know that the argument is that Christianity is not the cause, but people are, because people are, well, sinners. But still, it was and continues to be a source of both terrible and wonderful things, bringing out the worst and best in people. And I may continue to have these complex, fluctuating feelings, which kind of sucks, but that’s the way my relationship is with Christianity. I am a Christian because I do pray on rare occasions and attended church and read the bible; on the other hand, there were years where I barely touched on religion and felt “faith” was a rather demanding alien concept, and I still hesitate if asked the question “Are you a Christian?” Technically, yes I am. I guess. I’m here neither to evangelize nor denounce anything, but portray my honest thoughts.

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About Me

I like red pandas and the color orange. This is my stage jolting down thoughts about social and cultural issues, which include chronic illness, physical and mental health, the environment, feminism, race relations. Some in-between personal journaling.
Just wandering around trying to find my niche in the world