This, by the way, is a warning cheekily disguised as a summons, and the NYPD should really avoid any attempt at "humor," especially when death is involved, and especially especially when they can't wright too good:

So now we can add "hearby" to the official NYPD style manual, right alongside "helment:"

Really, I think the only solution at this point is to take back the act of "jaywalking" from the Automotive Industrial Complex. We are, after all, Homo sapiens sapiens (the primate so nice they had to name us twice), a proud beast distinguished by--among other things--our ability to walk upright on two legs.

Hey, walking upright is a big deal. We don't do it just to look cute, either, like meerkats or dogs begging for scraps. No, walking upright is who we are, and we should be able to do it wherever the hell we damn well please--and that goes beyond the streets, too. You know when you're walking and you see some tourists setting up for a picture? Do wait for them to finish so you don't spoil the photo-op? I don't! No, I walk right through and "photobomb" that shit, because these boots were made for walking (and for riding, since they're SPD compatible). Oh, and what's that, cyclocross race marshall? You want me to use the course crossing? Portage this, Fancy Shants! I'll stroll right through that course tape like a racewalker crossing the finish line:

("Hey! I'm walkin' here!")

And as for PAs on film sets who ask me to wait while they finish shooting their scene, I have a simple response for them, and it's as follows:

"Oh, actually I'm in this scene. I'd show you my SAG card but I need two hands to carry this Grande Venti Trenta Pork Frappuccino. If you want to see it though go feel free to rummage around, I keep it in my pants flush up against my unwashed scranus. Wow is it ever hot today!"

Sorry to be so graphic, but I like to really drive the message home for these people.

Anyway, as far as how to take back our evolutionarily-given right to walk o'er hill and dale, the first thing we need to do is find a new word for "jaywalking." It should be something proud and important-sounding, like "priority traversing:"

Though then you run the risk of the whole movement being taken over by "vehicular pedestrians:"

(Vehicular pedestrian "taking the lane.")

I also think we should produce a series of PSAs highlighting just how important our right to erect bipedalism is. Think about it: over the course of our evolution we actually gave up the ability to easily fellate/perform cunnilingus on ourselves (though some of us do retain the vestigial ability), so walking upright must have been really fucking important to our survival. Those are some serious stakes! So I'm thinking a bunch of ads like this might do the trick:

If you do have the gift of auto-fellatio though, at least wait until you get to the other side of the street to engage in it. Otherwise you're liable to run over like the pigeon who can't lift the bagel he's found.

Really though, when you consider the consequences of what the Auto-Industrial Complex has done to us it's kind of disturbing. Consider a city block:

There are like 70,000 people per square mile in Manhattan, so how many people live on a block like this? Thousands? I don't know, but it's a lot--more than live in your whole shitty town. Now consider the fact that all of these people are only legally allowed to leave their block at four (4) designated access points:

BUT only if the little light says they can:

Kind of absurd, isn't it? It almost seems like martial law.

Of course, bear in mind I'm as guilty as anybody, since unlike David Byrne I own a car--dents, roof rack, AM/FM stereo with CD player and all:

("You're right, I don't own a car. But if it did it would have a Dolby tape deck with a broken auto-reverse and a Duran Duran "cassingle" permanently lodged in it.")

By the way, ironically, whenever Talking Heads come on the radio I turn it up a little, open the window (the one that still works), and relish the feeling of the wind running through what remains of my hair--because if nothing else, the man made some good driving tunes.

Still, if I'm going to drive around cranking the Byrne I should at least understand what I'm taking part in, and the whole "Murder Machines" thing happens to tie neatly into my latest obsession, which is old photos of New York. I couldn't care less about bike porn, but show me some good New York City history porn and I'll go weak in the knees and start trying to auto-fellate. It is pornography too, because there is nothing more tantalizingly out-of-reach than the past. Anyway, check out this old photo of a subway station from 1908:

Well over a hundred years later and the trolleys are gone (replaced with buses) and the subway station is as indispensable as ever, but see how it's been streeetched the fuck out to make way for the cars?

(Then.)

(Now.)

That kind of depressed me at first, but now I find it kind of comical. They just said, "Fuck it, let's stretch it!" Oh, there's the tweed rider's great-grandson:

Funny how there's always that one token cyclist there. I like to think it's this guy in a time-traveling "Twelve Monkeys"-type scenario:

Most importantly though, "What the fuck happened to the Ferris wheel?"

We may never know.

Anyway, the retro-grouch in my longs for the tweedy bucolic horsey days I never experienced, but the pragmatist reminds the retro-grouch that, while I was a lot less likely to have been hit by a car back then, I almost certainly would have gotten polio. (Also, rotting horses were a major problem back in the 19th century, so there's that.) It's the great Shell Game of Mortality I suppose--first we figure out how to save your life, then we invent a new way to take it.

In the meantime, I'll take comfort in the fact that, in the last 100-plus years, the two constants in New York City have been subways and bicycles, which just so happen to be by far the best ways to get around this town.

Great synopsis on the historical photo. Yes it's true we tend to romanticize bygone eras. When I was 16 I had appendicitis. Hurt like hell but the docs cut it out just before it burst. I'd have been pushing up daisies if I lived back then.

Another problem, now with Burger Kings and such all over there is so much to Jaywalk to, it is almost unavoidable.

I flipped through a story on the interiorwebbing earlier and learned that in the 1930's, both Howard Hughes and John Huston killed pedestrians using their cars as weapons. Neither of these great early American motorists were charged.

Was that the great Toronto mayor Robs Fords in the Vehicular Pedestrian regalia?

I think the bicycle in the second old-timey photo of the subway station might be the first ghost bike.

Taking a driving test and license in the United States is way too easy. You do not need to show any particular skills rather than following the code during the test. In Japan to take a motorcycle driving license you need to be able to track stand for 10 sec. On a motorcycle. They ensure you have enough skills to ride.

What about adding parallel parking to the test? If you hit the curb or can not do it in just one shot you fail. Just make it harder. There are too many inept driving huge cars.

Good one, Snob. There is a fun old photos of LA available, too. Watch the exponential growth of autos in that one.Just returned from the yard where I raked up twenty pounds of winter dog shit.Headed for the bar for the Friday afternoon libation.

Wildcat, thanks for that Horace Mann link; reminded me that Kerouac's birthday was a couple of days ago. I'm having a drink at a bar, sitting next to an old timer who saw Thelonious Monk in concert; that's as close as I can get to Kerouac.

Anon 2:31 touched on this issue, but it wasn't a "subway" in its earlier years. It wasn't even a train line by the look of things. But nonetheless, today's blog is an excellent educational journey through time. Almost as good as an episode of the Time Tunnel.

One thing that wasn't adequately explained however, is whether the site did in fact become a subway in its latter years. If it did and the whole show was moved underground, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that that's where the Ferris wheel went too!

To the two anons confused by the photos of the subway station with no tracks (today) with the streetcars, trolley cars, or whatever the fuck they were on tracks earlier:

That particular subway was and amazingly still is today the last stop on what today is the 1 train line. So it's not so much a station as it is a terminal. The last 2 photos are taken from the north side of it, but past the station building you would see elevated subway tracks, or tarcks.

Sorry, I foolishly assume everyone in the world is familiar with the NYC subway. As Mikeweb aptly pointed out, it's technically a "terminal." The tracks start behind the control house. You climb the stairs onto the platform. This should explain.

I've been reading an interesting book about the Munsee Dutch encounters. The Munsee didn't have cars either, at least in the 16th century. They did, however, suffer something like 90% mortality due to smallpox within a few decades of Hudson's arrival.

Amazing that Manhattan became a financial centre considering how fast they ran out of beaver pelts. I guess, at least, they still had wampum. Is that still handmade in Brooklyn?

I wondered about the sandals myself. Wouldn't the guy have taken off his pants first, thereby necessitating the removal of the sandals? If so, why did he put them back on? Maybe he was at a nudist beach.

And what about the glasses? Is he so farsighted that everything up close is just a blur of flesh tone?

All this auto fellatio talk reminds me of an old Henny Youngman joke:

Did you here the one about the latest al-Qaeda terrorist? He was tasked with blowing up a car and burned his mouth on the tailpipe.

And just up the block from that Warriors scene...the football scene from The Wanderers.

That 1 train line has its quirks. At 125th it's the highest elevated station. At 181st, it's so deep underground, an elevator ride is required to reach street level.That station was a real joy in the 70's.

“The protected bike-lane redesigns in New York City are narrowing the right of way for vehicles by at least 8 feet, and sometimes more. If you’re a pedestrian, that’s 8 more feet that you don’t have to worry about when you’re crossing the street."

In other words, just step out and let those stupid cyclists swerve into the REAL traffic. :)

I personally would love it if those dirt road pedestriany days would come again, but there is no way. There are too many cars (and too many people). All those people are not giveing up thier cars becasue cars are awesome. They are also terrible, but their awesomeness outweighs the terribleness. I can get in my car at on a whim at 4 am in january in Alaska and in three days I can be in LA. Or I could just go get some donuts.There is no way people are going to voluntarily give up that kind of mobility and freedom.

So the whole war on cars thing seems totally pointless and counter productive. If you really care about making a difference (I know you don't, not more than you enjoy just pure bitching, which I can relate to) you should be figuring out ways cars and bikes and mass transit can function better together.

Just figuring out what the actual rules of the road for bikes should be, and then getting people to accept them would be a good first step.

Cars do kill a lot of people. But 'Con toto respecto', David Byrne/Talking Heads made some good driving tunes?? Por favor! YouTube "Crosseyed and Painless" the live London version. Or "Once in a Lifetime". Great to DANCE to, or listen. Podium. You can also access it via my blog, the 'Car Commuters are Crosseyed and Painless' post. Happy listening!

In Internet system we have now best earning system without any work, Just Invest some Money into your Business and Make Perfect Life time Earnings with this Business.Join Now for Make Perfect Business and Earn Money online from home.HotFxEarnings.Com

Great blogpost! You still haven't lost it. I think the problem is the MAD (mutually assured destruction) principle at work here. Cars are supposedly getting "safer" and "safer" every year, mainly by getting bigger and heavier. These SUVs give a false sense of security to their drivers, because the other guy has got an SUV too. The vehicular arms race goes on and on, forget about bicyclists or pedestrians, you might not even notice when you run them over. I think the Japanese have the solution. Force the car industries to build so-called Kei cars which have a maximum displacement of 660 cc and max length of 3.35 meters. I have such a Daihatsu Mira which only weighs 700 kilos because how else can you get any performance out of 660ccs? When you hit a deer with one of those, the deer is sitting in your lap literally. I think it makes the Japanese much more careful drivers. Remove some of that driver sense of invincibility!

Well its a Soggy Sunday here in PairEEE Tenn but at 4 30 Stage 8 of PairEEE NEESE comes on NBC Sports. So I got that going for me. Which is nice. Or NEESE. Plus no kids. So maybe things will go from soggy to just wet.

Spicy Hyderabad Escorts Our useful and polite receptionists are out there from 10am until late to help you to search out precisely the right lady for you. Super Hyderabad Escorts Agency, All our women love their work and can never rush you, therefore why not develop the phone now, they are wanting forward to your call!

Awesome post If you are looking for great sexual enjoyment, our escorts are gorgeous & extremely beautiful with oomph sex appeal. You can find them fantastic in your bed and feel great relax after their amazing servicesMumbai Independent Escorts

My name is Mona Mathur and I am an Independent Escorts in Pune. 28” waist making me a eye-catching size 10 and a shoe size of 4½. I am offering the best independent escort service to my esteemed clients.

We are an escort hub of real and genuine Indian beautiful escort girls of India providing the best female escort service and escort girls in Bangalore. We are very trusted and professional escort service agency in Bangalore and offers complete erotic escort services in Bangalore.

Hello people do you want to have some great time with someone special then we have the best Russian Escorts in Goa our Goa Escorts. The Goa female escorts provided by are Escort Services. Whether for pleasure trips, business occasions, corporate events, functions or dinner dates, our escorts can fulfill your requirements.

I Mansi Chawla fully understand that this site is of an adult nature. I declare and confirm that I am at least 18 years of age.Come and love me and my body so that you will going to get some of the most hottest girl in your arm and who is dying to do any thing for you so that would be a pretty nice smile on your lips to whom i kiss and take some happiness for me as well.

Call me: 09632222688 - My craziness and appetite for lovemaking is something which men love to seek and the one which gives them immense pleasure. I have a very candid personality and the one that sets me apart from the other Independent Escorts in Bangalore.

call me or Mr. Sharma at: 09833895975 and have the happiest lovemaking experience. I and my organization ascertain to provide you with an honest, genuine and transparent service with 100% satisfaction guaranteed. My Mumbai Escorts are waiting eagerly to serve you and make your every second spent at this wonderful agency as one of the most memorable one.

Call: 09867951000 Ujjwala Oberoi is now a leading brand name in providing high end escorting solution not only in Goa but also in major parts of the country.You will be given the best Escort Service in Goa with our leading Models, Call Girls, Female Escorts and a few High Profile Goa Escorts. Me and my girls take due care to give you ample time and space and at no stage are in a hurry to finish things off.

Nidhi Goa escorts are known for its ideal way of providing service to Goa tourists. Our foreign escorts in Goa are encompasses a high-fi status. our escort girls are superior in offering all types of services and never shy just like other girls do. Our call girls in Goa are highly open minded and make themselves prepare for any service.

Hello Friends. Thank you for taking the time to Visit Our Details. Our Goa Escorts Provide You Very Sensual Service Which is never forgotten by you. Our Model Escorts in Goa Girls are came from very high Profile and Already Know How to Satisfy Their Partner on Bed They provide You the following services::Sex (covered)69 (69 sex)Strip-teaseA-Level (5 start escort)BJ (Blowjob)CBJ (Covered Blow Job; Oral sex with a condom)COB (Come On Body)Covered (Covered blowjob)DFK (Deep French Kissing)DSL (Dick Sucking Lips)Doggie (Sex style from behind)Extra ball (Have sex many times)FK (French kissing, Kissing with tongue)GFE (Girl Friend Experience)O-Level (Oral sex)HJ (Hand Job)LT (Long Time; Usually overnight)MassageOutcall (Escort visits you)

I am Tania Verna provide Goa Escorts services from I'm providing spectacular call girl service. I am such girl or lady that you could not forget me. i am very expert to provide various Position for excitement which is very enjoyable to you for your complete satisfaction. These advance moments of Lady EscortService belong to Goa only. I have been known very high profiles, fully qualified, stylish with an individuality to palpitate your heart.Your absolute search with female escort services will certainly end here. you will be get the cost for money erotic women Escorts in Goa.Meet me for you have moments to enjoy yourself and you will come to know that what the total sexual thing in your life is and feel excited.I will show you to get the paradise pleasures with my soft body and beautiful bust. So get prepared for a memorable sensual experience with me. The experience of your private campaign with me will remain with you forever

Blocking websites is action taken to stop certain people access information in a website. This is done because there are some who do not agree that the site can be accessed easily by someone. It could also be avoided for children who are minors. Thus unblocking the site very useful for the future. So how to open blocked sites? there are several websites that provide some tutorials how to open the site, one of which can be visited is Cara Buka Blokir, Mp3 Kita, Pasarberita, Gand root, Dunia Bebas

We offer the most beautiful and seductive Mumbai Escorts , and our lovely ladies are ready to play right now! In Call / Out calls to your home hotel are our specialty and we are available any time any where all mumbai. Even Public Holidays ...We can be with you in as little as 30 minutes! We are very friendly and are waiting to take your call right now with any questions you may have and to help you make a booking with us. Our Mumbai Escorts are totally discreet and love to have fun.

Mumbai Call Girls are thought of because the best female professionals during this country and even in several country as well. We tend to called the most successful provider of such enjoy able infatuated women. They Are not exc lusively stunning however they are daring and good. They are exceptionally skilful women and have sufficient information of every activities to make you crazy.

Mumbai is well know for the dream and night life city in the world. It is best place to romance.When you came to Mumbai without companion, it get bored your visit. So, you can easily solve this problem to get Mumbai Escorts Services which make your visit romatic and colourful.Mumbai is well know for the dream and night life city in the world. It is best place to romance.When you came to Mumbai without companion, it get bored your visit. So, you can easily solve this problem to get Mumbai Escorts Services which make your visit romatic and .colourful.

Sponsored Linkway:

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!