Posts: 15

Topic: More bad news for me

So I went to have my ultrasound today so they could plot the attack of the liver biopsy. Well unfortuantely my liver enzymes are up and they will be placing an external catheter so my liver can drain. So puff went my hopes of this "spot" being scare tissue or a gallstone. I am 33 years old and I am going to have a drain put in. I am so angry and scared. Today, I broke for the first time the cardinal rule of not crying in front of the doctor. I am a mess. Just imagine all these uptight Swedes trying to calm and comfort me-added to the fun mix was the language barrier. My husband is away on business and this is the first time I have done something like this on my own. Eventually, the ultrasound doctor called my lovely primary doctor who sat with me (I think he was prepping for surgery as well!) and tried to explain things as best as he could. Explainations sometimes dont help when the news isnt so hot, but bless him for trying.

I have called my parents and blubbered all over the phone and now I have to have the same conversation with my husband when he comes home. What a day. I just dont understand how I can feel so well, better than I have since this ride started and yet it is back and i need a drain??!?!?

Re: More bad news for me

Kris,

I'm so sorry to hear this news. I am also so sad that you had to go thru it alone. Hopefully your husband will be home soon to comfort you. I will be thinking about you. I wish I could be there so you could cry on MY shoulder.

Re: More bad news for me

Kris, I'm so sorry you are having to go through all of this but them putting in a drain doesn't necessarily mean it isn't scar tissue. It just means something is clogging up and they need to get things flowing until they can figure out what the problem is. Don't lose hope!! They are catching things early so try to be positive- the drains are a real nuisance but hopefully it will only be temporary. My husband had tubes and wires coming out of him all over a year ago and we laugh about it now. You'll be in my prayers.I hope your husband is with you now! I'm like scragots, I wish I could give you a hug!! Mary

Re: More bad news for me

Kris, Your a young wipper snapper full of energy. I'm sorry that you have to go through this ordeal. Remember it's going to be a rollercoaster ride for a little bit. It will slow down. The lord helps those who help themselves and that is what your already doing. While I was awaitng to go in for my surgery, my Daughter took her finger and wiped a single tear from my face and asked if I would be okay? I said yes, the lord is just giving me another one of life's challenges. So, yes when reality hits it is okay to be tearful and blubber! I can't tell ya what to do but destressing the body; meditation and focusing the mind to fight and heal has done me a world of good. I put on my CD called Healing Waters, lay in a dark room and my anxiety and worries just float away. Always keep hope! *** There are so many reasons why liver enzymes can be to high.*** Let's keep an eye on the biopsy results first and take the bull by the horns if needed at that time. Kris there just isn't no words powerful enough to change the way your feeling right now. There is a song and I'll be if I can remember(chemo brain and all) Has the the lyrics " lean on me" Well you just Lean on us! any time you want!Bless Ya Girl!JeffA great big Hug just sent your way!

Re: More bad news for me

Kris, I can't imagine how you must be feeling having to deal with all this alone. Will Hans be home soon? I hope you won't have to have the drain too long and you'll get all sorted out. I know you. You're not going to be down for long. You're going to be up persevering (pestering, fussing, screaming, whatever it takes) to get something done.

I'm sorry you feel so alone. Just know that lots of positive thoughts and prayers are being said for you. Here's another BIG HUG coming!!

Re: More bad news for me

Hi Kris

I am so sorry the latest news has been upsetting. I can't give you any words of wisdom because I don't really understand all the whys and wherefores of the results of your tests. I can understand that unusual numbers coming from blood test will be a cause for concern but do they not have to do several tests to establish that it is not a "blip"? Others, with a much better handle on this, are able to give you more positive interpretations of your current position. What I can say is that I totally understand your frustration and anger with this cancer. Apart from when the Xeloda brought on my angina attack I have been quite unaffected, healthwise, since my first diagnosis. I am pretty fit and haven't suffered any ailments. Take blood from me and the results come back A1. Stick me in a scanner however and and new tumours line up to have their picture taken! And, of course, everyone I meet tells me how well I am looking. So I get a bit frustrated and angry because I know the likely outcome and there seems to be precious little that I can do to change it. So, like I said to you earlier, you've just got to keep plugging away. And you certainly aren't alone in having a bit of a blubber; we've all been there.

Re: More bad news for me

Thanks everyone. I am still quite emotional but things are better since Hans has come home and I have had a shower. The shower is the best place for me to lose it and somehow crying in there doesnt really count with all the water anyway!

Hans and I had a quiet (literally) dinner and I was a little annoyed with him for still having a good appitite-I am just joking, sort of . We watched 2 silly movies -life cant be too hard if you are watching Legally Blond and we have decided that I need to have a quiet weekend to catch up on much needed sleep before the drain and biopsy. I havent slept much in days as you can see it is 4:00 am here and I am up. How tired do you have to get before the physical aspect of needing sleep overtakes the psychological worry and its associated sleeplessness?

I appreciate everyones support. Sometimes it just feels hopeless and I dont think it helped that over the last couple of days I read both the McCrea and Kelly Lister's bloggs. I just saw so much of myself in both of them. So no more reading for me!

This site is truly a blessing. I dont know how I would cope without everyone here. Its almost like its a little bank of hope and support. Sometimes you make a deposit, sometimes a withdrawl. Dont worry, I will surely be making a deposit after the biopsy and I get into attack mode. I told Hans I was going to Hong Kong Phooey this tumor. Of course being Swedish, he never heard of the Hong Kong Phooey cartoon, so after I explained it all he took my mp3 player and put the Village Peoples Kung Fu Fighting on it. So everyone can just image me fighting cc with that as my theme song!

Re: More bad news for me

Can you use one more hug? I'll add mine to the pile - I would be blubbering too, but you probably couldn't get me to make Hong Kong Phooey jokes so quickly! Keep up the spirit - you have a great attitude!Joyce

Re: More bad news for me

Kris,

You're a marvel. This is a nasty bump in the road but you've already shown us your strength and courage and it's going to serve you now. Of course, cry your heart out......we all would and do at our low times but there is good life ahead you. For one thing heaven isn't ready for someone with bright red hair so we're all stuck with you.

Re: More bad news for me

Hi Kris-we are all rooting for you and will have all good energy funneled your way on Monday as we hum Kung-fu Fighting! :-) Dave is re-starting Chemo on Monday and hopefully that will get his calcium down and he will feel better too. All the best wishes to you and add another hug to that pile!Patrice

Re: More bad news for me

Kris,

You are truly a gift from God. Your humor and your spirit are a blessing to all those around you (in person and via the internet). There's that saying that it's harder on the family than on the patient (I'm guessing it wasn't a patient who said that one), but if that is true, I know that your attitude is the greatest gift you could ever give to Hans. And reading your postings makes us all feel a little better.

I'm sorry to read that your ultrasound found you on the wrong side of the "rock and a hard place". You are the same age as me, so if you're looking for some laughs this weekend, I recommend a blast from the past - Fast Times at Ridgmont High. I get a kick seeing Sean Penn, Anthony Edwards, and Eric Stoltz as stoner buds. And it's funny to see 3 future best actor winners in the same teen movie.

Anyway, keep on crying in the shower if you feel the need. If nothing else, it saves on kleenex.

Re: More bad news for me

Thanks for all the support and LAUGHS. I was laughing out loud in that way that is very weird when you are at the computer.

Joni, Joyce and MArion, your hugs and support mean so much. Sometimes a virtual hug is all you need to make you feel better. Thanks.

Peter, you are right Heaven is quite ready for me, yet. I think I would try to rearrange the place in Swedish retro style and serve SC style bbq at the gates while I was handing out margaritas and forming a mamba line-let alone the red hair. I think God wants heaven to remain peaceful a little while longer.

Patrice, nothing but the best wishes and thoughts for your sweetie. I hope that everything works with this chemo and lets not just hope he feels better. I am a greedy cow and I say lets hope he feels GOOD after!

Now, Richard, you really must stop making me laugh. What is going to happen when I have the drain in and I laugh so hard it leaks. I will fully blame you.

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