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Shoppers maim each other over shoes

I'm not going to pretend that I don't know what it's like to desire a pair of shoes so much that my bunions burn and my heart races, but people were acting pretty foolish this holiday season. A shoe sale at Saks Fifth Avenue caused near chaos, and the release of the new model of Nike Air Jordan's led to mall frenzies across the country.

The New York Daily News reported that hoards of shoppers mobbed the Saks Fifth Avenue flagship store on the day after Christmas for Christian Louboutins and Manolo Blahniks discounted by 60 percent.

"The line wrapped around the floor," one shopper told the news source. "There were too many people. They were pushing and shoving. It was a zoo."

The Daily News also reported that once shoppers got wind that the 60 percent-off sale would be reduced to a mere 40 percent discount after noon, the crowd went crazy and people began to panic that they wouldn't make it to the checkout in time.

Honestly, I'm surprised no one was shivved. Those Manhattan ladies may seem refined, but anyone who's been to a sample sale or watched the Real Housewives of New York knows otherwise.

But things weren't any better in the suburban regions. The release of the Nike Air Jordan 11 Retro sneakers caused chaos at malls nationwide.

"There were gloves, hats and pieces of clothing everywhere. One guy lost both shoes and went in anyway," said shopper Balint Nagy, of Indianapolis, quoted by the Indianapolis Star. "A guard said, 'What about your shoes here?' and the guy kept going."

Well, at least the Nikes are unlikely to give anyone bunions, which is more than can be said for Louboutins. Still, it's madness, I tell you. Why can't people be more like yours truly? I don't even go to the stores. I just sit online, scouring websites for good deals on stilettos, platforms and wedges. Before I know it, I'm four Cosmopolitans deep and about five pairs of shoes richer, if not a substantial amount of money poorer. I don't have a problem. Why are you looking at me like that?

At any rate, online shopping is where it's at. Not only can you find great deals on a wide variety of shoes, but you can purchase bunion splints and orthotics as well. Trust me, you'll need them later, if you don't already.