Monday, July 28, 2008

Shall we proceed?

A bitch was enjoying a rather fantabulous cup of coffee this morning while sorta-watching Good Morning America when my senses were assaulted by a now familiar source.

Overtly patriotic, alarmist or carnivalistic music?

Check!

The same two motherfucking people doing all the voice-overs for all the ads?

Check!

Wild claims and accusations flying everywhere?

Check!

Well, it must be primary season again…and that means its time for wall to wall over the top and poorly written political ads from hell.

By my second cup of coffee a bitch had heard a Republican candidate for Governor blame her opponent for everything short of inventing the West Nile virus!

Fantabulous.

I’ve got to admit that these primary ads are kind of amusing. I mean shit, when else will a bitch get the chance to witness obvious as hell city-based candidates wading through a Missouri farm pasture stressing their Missour-ah values and their Missour-ah roots followed by blah, blah and fucking blah?

Or see money hungry conservative power fiends attempting to demonstrate that they’re actually human by surrounding themselves with smiling fresh faced chil’ren even as they read off some copy hinting that the election of their opponent is prophesied to bring about the end of days?

Anyhoo, this bitch has decided to enjoy the primary advertising while it lasts because you can bet your ass that the nastification of the general election bombardment is right around the corner.

Ahhhh... election commercials and their half-truths, overzealous goals, accolades that have nothing to do with the office they wish to hold, promises that will go by the wayside once they are elected, crisp overalls that have never been worn before the filming of the commercial... so much to look forward to for the next 3+ months during commercial breaks.

And of course the momentary lapses of illiteracy when they don't know how to pronounce the letter "i" in the word Missouri.

Born and raised in Rolla, here and we never, NEVER said "Miz-ur-ah." It was as most of us in the state pronounce it - with an "ee" on the end. I don't care how Steelman pronounces it and I think back in the day the Carnahans made ads with an "uh" as well - everyone I hung out with in the center of the state said "Miz-uhr-ee."