Body Language

In a nutshell

1. What is body language?

Mind and body operate as one: what you are doing with your body, your posture and so on, affects how you feel
and vice versa. There are three categories of nonverbal communication, or body language:

Conscious (as in giving someone directions)

Semi-conscious – movements or gestures which help us express ideas; we are not always fully
conscious of using them, yet, if asked, we can notice them

Unconscious – other nonverbal signals are micro-movements that are completely unconscious, such as
subtle shifts in the expression of the eyes and face or the positioning of the body. These are
impossible to fake as they are generated by thoughts and mental attitudes without our conscious volition
or control.

2. The body/mind connection

Whatever your mind is thinking about or whatever you are feeling will be reflected in your body language,
your movements, stance, the way you tilt your head and move your eyes and so on. What many people have not
yet realised is that this works in the reverse as well: our minds will begin to respond to what we are doing
with our bodies.

Ultimately, if you want to exhibit appropriate body language, you also need to have the right mental
attitude to go with it.

Just as your mental attitude affects your body language, so it will also affect your voice –
thought, body language and voice all go together.

4. Background principles

For interpreting others’ body language with any accuracy, it is essential to take the following into
account when considering the body language of others:

Context – if someone’s arms are crossed in front of them during your conversation, is that
due to their feeling defensive or do they just feel cold?

Congruence –
do the person’s facial expressions and body movements/positioning reflect their words?

Clusters – is the person displaying more than one type of body language that suggests the same
thing? In other words, arms crossed, legs crossed and head down together with lack of eye contact could
indicate defensiveness, or some other relatively negative mindset, such as annoyance, anger or lack of
confidence. Even so, we would need to take the context into consideration to be sure. (Only one of the
signals alone would not be such a clear indication of a negative mental attitude; however, it would
still bear investigation.)

5. Two schools of thought

There are two schools of thought on applying the findings of research into nonverbal communication/body
language.

The NLP
approach is based on the idea of purposely behaving in ways that are likely to put people at ease,
foster good feelings or rapport between people and encourage open communication on the part of the other
party, chiefly through matching, mirroring and pacing.

Synergology
brings something new to the field of nonverbal communication by further developing, deciphering and
cataloguing an area not previously addressed in such detail: the micro-movements of the face and body.

Synergology shows how by simply concentrating on understanding the other person, rather than on
ourselves, we are able to develop a better quality of communication over time.

7. Head and face

There are limited ways the head can move on its axis: forward and backward, chin up and down, leaning right
or left, and rotating right and left (and combinations of the three) – and all indicate certain
thought processes or reactions.

Keeping your head position generally straight (although not rigid), rather than leaning it sharply to
the right or left, indicates greater confidence and authority.

A chin down head position indicates either submission or displeasure.

When in a social situation, the leaning head position, in which the head is leaning sharply to the side,
gives the impression of softness.

Communication works best when we really engage with others, letting our faces reflect appropriate
animation and expressions, both while speaking and listening.

8. Eye contact

It’s vital to make good eye contact whenever possible if you want to connect with people. Good eye
contact in the Western world usually means meeting someone’s eyes for a period of a few seconds at a
time, and breaking eye contact only for a second or two before looking back.

11. Hands and arms

In synergology, the idea is that ‘the hands are the visible part of the brain’. Hands which are
more relaxed and open indicate a more open mental attitude towards communication at that moment. Closed
hands indicate the opposite.

Folding your arms in front may signify that you are either physically cold or emotionally
uncomfortable.

If someone else is closed in this way, try to put them at their ease.

When shaking hands, stand an acceptable distance away from the other person and, with the hand held with
palm open and vertical, grasp the hand of the other person firmly, while meeting their eyes and smiling
(as appropriate).

13. Objects in communication

Be aware of how you handle objects while communicating with other people.

Nervous, unconscious fiddling or straightening movements become annoying and usually detract from the
individual’s presence and seeming confidence.

Deliberate straightening of objects, especially those in another’s ‘territory’, is
akin to invading someone’s space as a way to intimidate or show power.

Playing with spectacles is often a deliberate manoeuvre to gain time.

Standing with one’s hand on a chair back, or indeed leaning with one knee on a chair while talking
with someone when standing, indicates a lack of self-assurance and/or confidence to engage without a
barrier.

17. Detecting dishonesty

In synergology, studies have detected more than 100 signs possibly expressing an emotion that is masked or a
lie, but none of these signals is sufficient in itself for you to be sure that someone is lying or masking
the truth. It is necessary to see at least eight signs during a period of 10 seconds in order to be
absolutely certain that a lie or an untruth is being told. Signs include

The person will look at you more with their right eye than with their left eye.

The eyebrows will be raised rather high.

They will stop blinking their eyes with the usual regularity.

The two sides of the face may appear more asymmetrical than usual, particularly in the area of the upper
lips.

18. Negative body language

Examples of negative body language include a slumped posture, plodding walk, too much or too little eye
contact and a lack both of facial expression, when speaking or listening, and of gestures. In general,
consider what kind of mental attitudes you could adopt as an overall strategy to ensure you display more
positive, powerful, and/or authoritative body language continually, no matter the situation.

Focus on one or two things at a time.

Notice yourself or arrange to get (immediate) feedback from others.

Think of a body language habit you could develop that would serve you/be more positive and productive
(and that would preclude the problem habit).