noisy vagina

page updated: 30-Mar-2004

My vagina only makes two noises that I am aware of, and it does not make them very often.

The first kind of noise occurs when either set of my labia is quite wet, or if there is a pool of wetness at the mouth of my vagina. Moving my vagina in nearly any way will cause the wet parts to press against each other and pull apart, producing a noise like lapping, or bubbles popping. A wet noise.

The other kind of noise is the oft made fun of farting noise that occurs after air is forced into my vagina during sex or daily life. My roommate informed me of a slang term they use in Kamloops for this but I forget it (wait, it's queef, and many people seem to use this judging by the emails I've been getting...Another suggestion: vart). I've never known a vulgar term for these.

I find that air is more likely to get into my vagina during sex in positions other than man on top missionary (possibly related to less direct angles of entry catching air in the inward thrust). Also, more air gets in if my manfriend is making longer thrusts (drawing further out before re-entry), or if my vagina is less lubricated, as in extended sessions of love making or if it just wasn't terribly slippery to start with.

In cases when I have become full of both air and smut, I can do tricks with my vagina. In these situations I refer to it as a volcano. With some experimentation, if you are a silly nerd like me, you can achieve quite a range of vaginal vocalizations, including multiple notes and panting noises. Ya.