What is domestic violence, what is abuse?

Webster's Dictionary defines it as 'exertion of physical force, vehement feeling, expression,
coercion, infringement or constraint over another' person that the attacker
knows. But what exactly does it mean and how do I know whether I am, or
someone I care for is experiencing it?

Domestic Violence is a pattern of behavior that includes the use of or
threat of violence and intimidation in order to gain power and control over
another person. Violence is not just about bruises and black eyes.
Domestic Violence is not always perpetrated in male/female relationships;
it can happen in same-sex relationships. Domestic violence also can occur
in teen relationships. In a few cases, women can perpetrate violence
against their male partners. Domestic Violence occurs in every country,
every race, every religion, every class and salary bracket and in every
neighborhood; even yours. Violence in the home does not just happen to the
poor, minority folks on the 'wrong side of the tracks', as is so often
portrayed. However, it is women who live in poverty who face the greatest
challenges in leaving due to financial, educational, culture and language
barriers.

Does someone you love ...

... threaten to hurt you, your children, your family or your pets?

... put you down in private or public, or keep you from contacting
your family and friends?

... say it's your fault when he or she hurts you or say it won't happen
again (but it does)?

How can I tell if someone is or could potentially be an Abuser?

Just as their Victims, Domestic Violence offenders come in every race and
physical size. They are from every country, educational level, occupational
background, and religious group. Although there is no way to "pick out" an
abuser from any other person on the street, there are some classic
characteristics that can be common denominators.

They believe that the use of violence or abusive behavior is acceptable
to gain control over their partner.

They think their charm, behavior or status (real or imagined) makes them
invisible or not punishable.

They deny they have any problems.

They blame others for their behavior, especially the victim.

They try very hard to get sympathy from others by making up stories
about how hard their life or relationship is.

They portray a perfect or 'too good to be true' image and seem very reasonable.

They have witnessed abuse in their home growing up and may abuse their
own children and family members.

They treat other people, even those close to them, with a lack of
respect and kindness.

They have difficulty in controlling their temper, explode and then
apologize profusely and try to make up. Will go to great lengths to justify
their unusual behavior.

Where can one turn for additional information or help?

If you or someone you know is in an unhealthy or unsafe relationship there
is help and options of your choosing for you. You can keep yourself safe
and end the cycle of violence. No one deserves to live their life in pain;
you deserve to be safe in your own home or workplace or church or public
place. You deserve to be safe in life. Knowledge is power, gather
information and empower yourself so that you can make the best and safest
decision for you and your family. The right information, at the right time
can help you make the right decision for you-only you can make that
decision.

If you are in immediate danger, please contact 911 first. The Toll-Free
24 Hour National Emergency Hotline 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) is always available
and has advocates to assist you and provide information in more than 20
languages. There is a State Coalition Against Domestic Violence in Every
State in the U.S. that can connect you with information, resources and
connections to shelters, programs and services in your state. Please see
the Resources page on this website for further information and hotlinks to
other sites. If you or someone you know needs help, please get help
somewhere. Reach out, there is information and assistance available for
you.