No, but saying the goodbyes is still stupid, crappy, unfair, too soon, too painful, and I’m not excited to do it. It has to be done but for once I’d like to take the low road and have a child’s tantrum and refuse to go through with them.

This is what alcohol is for.

If you can, join me at Art Bar or wherever we are in the West Village tonight. 646.673.4839 if you need me.

As I look over the Bridge to Post documents and other various materials, it is at this point I feel reality really setting in. It’s been pretty painful actually. My mind racing through all the potential scenarios and endpoints after my service starts- the amazing walmart trips during camp, olympics with legos, summer days of nothingness with friends in Brooklyn that could be (especially now that we graduated) and other shenanigans. The documents say if the commitments seem unlikely to keep, then perhaps I should reconsider.

Well, let me confess: I have reconsidered everything in the last year. I have reconsidered graduating, camp, Peace Corps, friends and relationships, food consumption, the quitting of habits and what the little things mean for me in broader terms. I have reached 900 permutations of conclusion regarding all of these 900 things and every time it’s insanity.

It turns out that in order to help people, I have to be selfish too. Huh? When did this happen? And if I reconsider and don’t go- I’m being selfish and leaving a village without a volunteer. There’s also the high chance that if I decided not to go- I would need to get a job, start paying back student loans, and no one would hang out because everyone would be working too much to do the same thing. I know that summer camp life is an illusion- only a delay to the vicious recession lying underneath.

I have reconsidered what makes me happy. I am reconsidering who I am every day. Despite my aversion to leaving creature comforts and those I love SO much, I know that I will be so much better a person after Peace Corps. I will learn so much about myself- if this year long application process including preparation for staging and PST (Pre-service Training) is a fraction of how much I will grow over the next two years, then I think it’s pretty worth it.

It’s always best to reconsider, I think. I’ve learned that people that are so sure of something tend to count on it too much. A little doubt is healthy.

After a constant flurry of e-mails, google decided to act (with a glacial pace) and restored my gmail account! I am sorry for anyone who received spam as a result of the hack- and I can assure you I would never spam (unless it was about my own events and ventures).

Now, I have learned. I am going to download every single document, share every calendar with my other accounts, and back up EVERYTHING.

This shouldn’t be so difficult considering Dell upgraded my netbook to a whopping 250GB! Why? Because the order was canceled twice due to their errors with inventory and B.S. After much hassle and time spent (more than I should have), they are sending me a much better computer with an upgraded battery (6-cell) instead of 3-cell and shipping it expedited next day for free. This computer with the Peace Corps discount will be a total of 286 bucks instead of what should probably be $600. I am so ecstatic and can’t wait to test out the webcam and skying features so I can stay connected with family and friends.

Next post I will write concerning the last days, the “Bridge to Post” packet that I was sent and other misc. items that you probably aren’t interested in. Until then, stay well and stay tuned.

After successfully sorting through the mess with my Ds-82 application (woot!), I thought I was in the clear…until today when I learned that I am now disabled.

Google disabled my e-mail account.

That’s right, I have no access to my e-mails, documents, pictures, other blogs, igoogle, calendars, notes or contacts. Because some crappy spybug or bot got into my account e-mailing everyone in my addressbook, Google decided to disable me- not just my account, but my productivity and communication. It was not until now did I realize that google helps me with almost every task in my life aside from urination, sleep, or eating. I have no idea what I’m going to do.While life in Mali will be more basic, I will still need my e-mail and g-mail functions for work and social purposes.

“Thank you for your report. We’ve completed our investigation and cannot return your account at this time. We were unable to verify that you own this account based on the information you provided.

If you can provide additional information to verify that you own this
account, please visit http://www.google.com/support/accounts/bin/request.py?ara=1 and submit another report. Whether we can return access to this account depends on the strength and accuracy of your responses, so be sure to provide as much information as possible. If you’re unsure about specific dates or
information, provide your best guess”

That is what I finally received after an e-mail to support. I tried verification codes, e-mailing, and calling corporate resulting in aggravation over a rude, abrasive, and clueless operator. No answer. No help. No guidance and certainly no restoration of my account. So, I sent one back stating that I can provide lots more information but need to know specifically what will work and that I would like a person to call me back otherwise I might be forced to contact my attorney. Unfortunately, I don’t think google cares.

My DS-82 application for a no-fee passport, which I need to depart in three weeks has been SUSPENDED.

Why? Because silly me used pencil. I checked three times on the “Most Common Mistakes” list for the application and not once does it mention pencil v. pen. Maybe it’s because even a monkey knows that on official documents you have to use pen. It’s not a “common” mistake because those about to do development work are probably a bit smarter than I am. Haha, all kidding aside- this blows.

Now, on a day off in the city, I have to fill out forms, go to the post office, spend more money on Express Delivery and wait longer for this process to be completed. On top of that, I still need to write my Aspiration Statement- I know, late but not too much but if things like this would stop happening maybe i could actually work on it. Anyway, I’m going to Choose my Attitude and just laugh a little. I knew a hitch would come sooner or later. Everything will be okay.

Well, I was going to talk about camp this blog post but it seems that I’ll have to make time for that later.

Wine. It’s impossible to find kosher wine. After an entire day filled with my sister’s drama (driving around for an hour trying to find her house and calling to get the address) and the bustle to visit family members before the morning was over, Nick and I decided to buy kosher wine for my stepmother for our chicken dinner.

We went to Shaw’s supermarket- not even Manischevitz.We went across town into Falmouth and found nothing but Manischevitz. We traveled across town again to RSVP and found three varieties. But! Because Nick, a New York Resident, had an out-of-state ID under 25, I could not be sold the wine albeit my Maine ID as a 21 year old. This was store policy. Not one of 6 other patrons outside could help us and I screamed in the car. It was the icing on the cake to a very troublesome day.

We were determined. Something had to be accomplished today besides melting under the taunting of my Brother-in-law. We finally went to Whole Foods and were able to buy kosher wine. I thought Mashiach had finally come, haha- not that I believe in miracles, but it was something to hold onto.

After dinner, we watched Buffy, met up with Val for drinks and enjoyed our last hours in the Downtown before having to get going. In the morning, we went and got a bite to eat, browsed Condom Sense and the candy shoppe. While I wish I had been able to stay in Portland longer, I was definitely not about to experience sour grapes all over again.

On Sunday, Nick and I left for Portland, Maine- car packed to the brim with all of my belongings.

The night prior ended with drinks at Production Lounge with Will, Kate, Karen, and Nick. When we got back, there was still much to be done including the taking of more wood out to the street, re-organizing the trash that was ransacked (I think it is fine to look through trash for useful item- but rude to leave it all in shambles!) and some swiffering.

After a late wake-up, we finally got on the road by 1:30pm.Luckily, we made great time and got in around 8:30pm, but decided to go to dinner in the Old Port. An Italian Seafood Restaurant, Cinque Terre, was suggested to us by a young couple in search of a similar place. It was a bit expensive but we decided to treat ourselves since we managed to arrive in Portland on one tank of gas from NY, which we did- well, sort of.

After ordering rabbit loins and scallops, we spoke to a heavy set man named Les. He seemed very outgoing and curious about where we were from and what we were doing in Maine for Memorial Day Weekend. Across from him, we spoke with his lady of the evening, to sure if mistress, daughter or wife, but nonetheless made pleasant conversation. After all was said and done and we scraped the sauces from our plates with extra bread, which complemented the wine oh so perfectly, we asked for the check. If we had ordered dessert, we probably would have burst or worse, slept right on our table from a food coma. Our waiter came back and said ” It has been all taken care of”, taking us aback. We were stunned and eventually realized that Les- with the huge gold watch and generous smile had paid for our entire meal (approximately $100 including tip- but we put down a $20 anyway) !

After, we enjoyed the sea-salted air outside on the back of Nick’s car and a random drunk girl came up to us with a smile, a lighter, and made conversation. It was an excellent start to a weekend but Nick made a proclamation: This was either the best it would get and the weekend would get worse to balance or the weekend would progressively get better and something terribly wrong would happen at the end. I wanted to believe that it would all be wonderful in order to reward us for our hard work getting through finals and working so much.

Stay tuned for Part two to find out if this weekend went well or took terrible turns. (to steal a line from another blog)- We can only Speculate!