Angry Sports Radio Man Unleashes Righteous Fury on Math and Those Who Do It

Sure, America, your elected officials may be actively misleading you about a health care reform bill they're trying to jam through Congress, but as YES network radio host and despairing New York Giants fan Don La Greca knows well, there is no shortage of other things to be mad about, too. For example, dating back to last year, his beloved Giants have failed to score 20 points in eight straight games, and the lone touchdown they've managed in two losses this season does not bode well for Eli Manning, Odell Beckham Jr., and/or despairing Odell Beckham Jr. fantasy owners. This embarrassing haplessness certainly upsets La Greca—pictured above in happier times—but as evidenced by this genuinely breathtaking diatribe that absolutely deserves its own wing in Canton someday, it does not upset him nearly as much as those who would seek to quantify it.

The primary object of La Greca's ire is the "Pythagorean theorem," which, according to my personal knowledge of geometry and definitely not Wikipedia, states that the square of a right triangle's hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the triangle's other two sides. Since the implications of the theorem for Manning's QBR are, shall we say, unclear, it seems likelier that La Greca is referring to Pythagorean wins expectation, an advanced metric that uses point differential to measure a team's performance independent of their win-loss record. Please understand that Don La Greca has no time for your TI-83-assisted nonsense.

The offensive line sucks. PERIOD! That’s my stat. You want a stat? You
want sabermetrics? “Don La Greca tweeted last night, or said on TheMichael Kay Show: 'The offensive line stinks. PERIOD.'"

Eventually, his rant devolves into lisp-ridden Stereotypical Nerd Voice, although for a moment during this sequence, I was genuinely concerned he was suffering a stroke live on the air.

Pay close attention, too, to host Michael Kay, who does a great job of maintaining his composure despite slowly realizing that installation of the secret guest trapdoor seat he requested last week apparently hasn't yet been completed.

Perhaps finally running low on oxygen, La Greca concluded:

IT’S FOOTBALL! I’VE BEEN WATCHING IT FOR FORTY YEARS! FORTY! FORTY
YEARS! And they have not gone this long without scoring 20 points
since ’77-’78, when JOE
PISARCIK
WAS THEIR QUARTERBACK!

[deep breath]

SO TAKE THAT WITH YOUR PYTHAGOREAN THEOREM. THE JOE PISARCIK THEOREM:
YOU’RE DEAD!