We’ve seen Don Draper’s Season Six beachwear and Harry Crane’s groovy 70s garb, but aside from presumed plotlines involving a Hawaiian vacation and a Scooby-Doo crossover—and a few cryptic clues fromMad Mencreator Matthew Weiner—we know very little about the forthcoming Mad Men season, which is just 24 days away. With the premiere on the not-so-distant horizon, AMC has unveiled a new promo in which Weiner, Jon Hamm, Jessica Paré, and Rich Sommer skillfully tease the next iteration of their famously secretive drama series by giving away as little information as possible. Rather than accept these vague non-spoilers at face value, we have dramatically interpreted each of the clues in hopes of uncovering an actual spoiler (or, simply, new plotlines for our Sally Draper-focused fan fiction). Play along with us in the comments space below—most accurate prediction wins a discarded Seconal from grandmother Pauline.

Matthew Weiner: “I think people will enjoy Season Six because it is a real journey into learning about Don and it is very much a reflection of the period that we chose.”

VF.com Interpretation: “Don resumes his philandering ways only to realize that extramarital affairs are more socially acceptable during the Summer of Love. Now that sleeping with the wife of an insult comic starring in one of his commercials is less of a thrill, Don feels more conflicted and begins a new phase of bar-stool introspection.”

Jon Hamm: “There’s a lot of story to be told as well. We’ve set up 60-some odd episodes of television here and you’re going to see a lot of our favorite characters doing a lot of different things.”

VF.com Interpretation: “Roger joins a gym, is upgraded to more than two martini-fueled comments per episode, and begins receiving sexual favors from Emmy-winning guest stars during motivational seminars in addition to awards banquets. Peggy finally discovers the fulfilling romantic, family, and professional relationships she deserves—when not expertly extorting more money from her co-workers.”

Jessica Paré: “It’s not what you think is coming. It’s not coming in the way you thought was coming. It’s probably not coming at all. Unless you were expecting more great costumes and more big hair.”