Fingers Can Tell A Lot About A Man

Researchers in South Korea have come up with a way to predict how large a man`s penis is without measuring it. I know what most are thinking:

With all the diseases out there to cure and all the woes of the world, why have scientists spent valuable time and resources on penis size? Well, it seems that some solid scientific method had to be found since the old wives tales that revolve around the size of ones` feet, hands and ears have proven to be inaccurate at best.

However, for women and men in search of the perfect partner, this new method might prove rather useful, but it requires not only keen observational skills but math skills as well. I will explain the math in basic terms because I am not a math whiz. In fact, my math acumen lies somewhere between first grade addition and subtraction and figuring out the 20 percent tips on restaurant checks.

Throw in a phrase like differential equations and I pass out. If you are weak in math like me but still want to be good at penis-size prognostication, you might want to purchase a smart phone with a calculator just in case you can`t perform the necessary ratios and fractions in your head.

Okay, here it goes: First, you have to look at a man`s index finger and ring finger. Scientists in South Korea discovered that there is a relationship between the size of these two fingers and a man`s penis. You know, just as an aside, the scientists did their research on 20 men who were in the hospital undergoing surgery. If anyone else tried this "research" stuff, they would be arrested, but label it as science and it`s legitimate business. Do you think the doctors were just hanging around in the break room talking about penis size and someone said aloud "Hey, we have warm bodies upstairs, do you want to take a look?" Do you think they got grants for this research? I would have loved to have been in the room when the research grant people decided to give this group a chunk of research money. I bet all the members of the grant board were men. On second thought, maybe they were all women. To be honest, I can`t tell who would benefit from this knowledge more.

Sorry, I got off the track. Here comes the math: In observing these men, the researchers discovered that the average length between the second and fourth finger was 0.38 inches " the actual measurements of the probably unconscious patients` fingers ranged from 0.35 to 0.44 inches. When the researchers compared these finger lengths with penis size, they found the lower the digit ratio, the longer the penis was. So, what does this mean exactly? Well, if a man has a shorter index finger compared to the ring finger, then he most likely will have a greater stretched penile length. Those are the researcher`s words " not mine.

Okay, this might be a lot of scientific mumbo jumbo to absorb, so the best advice I can give women-- or men -- is to get a man to shake hands, hold hands, read his palms...whatever it takes for him to show you these two fingers. Then, in a non-obvious way, take out a measuring tape and measure those digits. Make a game out of it. If he thinks it`s kinky, he might want to show you all of his fingers. Finally, take out your smart phone calculator and plug in the numbers. Figure out the ratio, and if you get a low ratio between the two fingers, you know you might be having a good time later on that night.

Is this measurement method without flaws? No. What happens if a man is missing a finger or two or what happens if he has broken hands and some of his fingers are hidden beneath his casts? There are all things that can go wrong and lead to a gross inaccuracy in measurements. I guess if you have the measuring tape out and if no one is looking, you can just measure the real deal and forget the math calculations. Call me old-fashioned, and while the direct approach might eliminate the need for rounding up numbers, it is a bit crass, plus it would take away the element of surprise.

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