Finding a Sucker to write the trash ain’t easy. There was
this poor soul milling about trying to find someone sober and willing to put
pen to paper, he looked as if he were about to have a coronary, since we all know
sobriety isn’t any hashers top priority after a hash. I had to agree to do the
onerous duty since he caught me before the fourth beer.

The first problem was to find the designated Hash area.
There were no HHH signs posted for a loooooooooooong way. In fact, Chris Valdez
ended up at Point-a-Pierre, talk about not having a sense of direction, imagine
if his wife told him to go "DOWN SOUTH" heh! heh!

Gran Couva. Everyone told me about the last time they were
on a hash in this area. Look out for MUD, manure mud, stinking grey whatever-that-is-that-smells-like-goat-mud.
Since God peed so liberally on us for the past few days, anyone wearing new
shoes would be drinking listerine for a month.

The hash began at the Pollard’s Place on the top of a massive
hill. This run was set by Peter Noel and some guy in a funny looking hat. The hares
got off to a hopping start thanks to some beastly big patches of nettles. Ah
never see so much people rubbing sensitive parts so!! Mud, grass, more mud,
RAZOR grass, I cyar see whey ah puttin meh foot!!!

Oh Geed!!!! What is that stink?!?!?!? Oh Shit!! IS SHIT!!

Uphill, downhill, Bamboo-Getting-Chook! Up ahead I could
hear Asha chirping away cheerily "On On!" Behind me I heard someone
mutter "Whey she getting all dat energy from". The energy didn’t last
for long, The last thing I heard from her was "ARE YOU ?!?! Call it

Goddammitt!!"

Went up a hill, that hurt!!! Met the truck- Heh heh! I must
say that there were many hashers that didn’t make the entire hash (Peter the
area you picked was really lovely in terms of scenery etc., BUT it was too freaking
long!!!!! – Where were the checks??) BACK to the slackers in the truck, these
were mostly made up ofladies who were totally heartless. I heard that they were
teasing the more valient of heart – the "in" song was "Macho
macho man ….. you wanna be a Macho man!!" some of these macho men did
get a lift though, one lady firmly stated she "ent riding wit no big belly
man" after passing a red faced, heavy on the tummy individual.

On to the waterfall, the On In, the last stretch. A few
people took time out to admire the view or was it to catch their breath. I
noticed a pretty thing enjoying herself thoroughly in the waterfall until
someone mentioned that they "smelled pig in the water", I
never thought I would see someone walk on water … she came really close. Uphill
through cocoa and finally reached the antennas. "Yes man, we make it!! Leh
we find dem Beers!". Oh ho! Who is that under de hose, the same pretty thing from de pig pond scrubbing away at all de vitals.

Kudos to Paul who came in first (for the benefit of the
ladies, that is the guy with the flashy red car) and the blond Canadian … I always
forget his name. After everyone washed half of Gan Couva off their nettle stung,
razor grass cut bodies, the search was on for car keys. "Whey de damm keys!?!?! Ah want to change meh clothes!!""Frank have dem."

"Frank???"

"Frank wid de truck who gorn to get the last of the
hashers"

CUSS!!!!!!

The wait was on. The girls amused themselves playing with
the pony, although from what I heard, the pony was quite uh…
"happy" with all de attention. I guess this gives new meaning to the
phrase "looking for deeper love". hmmmmmm!

Finally the keys arrived, everyone got changed and
casualties accounted for. There was one hasher who twisted her ankle and got a lot of sympathy for her pain in the form of free beers for the entire night, hic! hic! hic!! If you are not into self inflicted pain for free beer, try Peter Noel’s way of doing things: "You mean alll I have to do is litter to get FREE BEER???!!!"

Virgins – The guys got booed, the girls got asked whether
they were jail bait or not. One memorable moment was when an ample young lady stood on the stump and was asked "Name and chest … oops! address, please."
The poor girl also had new shoes as well as two other virgins – One guy chickened out – what a waste of perfectly good beer!

On to Sandeanas for Chicken and shrimp roti. The poor girls
behind the counter just weren’t used to the onslaught of hungry hashers yelling their orders one after the other. I guess the highlight of the night was when a guy wearing cowboy boots, offered to sing some Country and Western – if the
hashers forked over some cash. I guess he didn’t know what he was in for, talk about Country Western – Trini Style, The drunken crowd even got him to sing Lotay-Lah. Trinis dancing Country Western is just TOO PAINFUL to watch – so I left. Until next time ….

Hi Ho! Silver!!! Awayyyyy!!!!!!!

AFTER HASH (trash addendum)

There is nothing better than a good lime after a run. It has
been so long since we had a good after hash lime in the area where the run is set that I cannot remember the last one but memories of Night Rider , Ponderosa and Sandeannas come to mind. After the arduous run set by Peter and Stephen the next stop after the Hash bar was sold out was obviously Sandeannas. This is a favorite watering hole for Hashers whenever there is a run in the Couva area.

We are always sure to get a variety of eats and drinks. Mr.
Sandeanna still has two daughters that he is trying to marry off. While the daughters are awaiting a husband I am reliably informed that they have been doing some acting, but that is a story for Harold to tell.

After most of the Hashers had left, a group of 17 remained
at Sandeannas, knowing fully well that there was no Pelican to go to. The story goes that Pelican could have opened on Saturday night, but Harold who was the electrical inspectorate after the fire, knowing fully well that Susan had already instructed him to come straight home after the Hash decided not to give Peli the go ahead to open. (Nice one Harold).

As the group of 17 partook of what Sandeannas had to offer
(not thedaughters) the local one man band started setting up but we did not pay much attention to him. He eventually started playing. It is amazing that after a few carib everything seems nice. The man play real music. To the sounds of the music the 17 danced and sang and imbibed more and more carib. (Is it true that Forklift gets a commission if the Hahsers drink more than ten cases of beer after a Hash ?)

The music really took over and had Gloria only calling for
songs about pussies (Hold the Pussy cat etc.) Nevi not finding anyone to dance with locked his arms and legs around a post and gyrated, rotated and oscillated. Why Me rest some good wine on Cactus Puss who had to ask for a break, or was it time off. HM ended up on his back on the floor with Vanessa and Cindy and Gloria trying to remove his shorts. I never saw three women so desperate to get into a man’s shorts. Did they succeed ? (You should have been there to find out.) While this was going on Chris left. We are still not sure if he has gotten home as yet, as he does not know Trinidad. The 17 then became 16.
Through all the action Zam still smiling and Peter taking credit for choosing and area for a run where the hashers had after run fun.

Audrey knew the words to all the Ole time calypso, she
either down here long or does play her father old records. Janet was swept of her feet literally by HM as they danced away. Gloria then found herself doing the donkey (not back to front) with ____???? Henrique watched on and occasionally shook a leg or was it grabbed a leg ? Forklift , playing shy,occasionally throw a waist now and then, while Abe enjoyed the conga line
with a woman in front and a woman behind.

Stephen had the task of resisting the attention of one of
the Sandeanna girls. (poor fella) while Todd did his best to avoid the action, occasionally smilin and winin.

Before we knew it, the time was 1.25 a.m., so we decided to leave. It was the best audience the one man band ever had and the most money he ever made. It was a great after hash bash. When is the next one ?