Bra Warns Wearer When Overreating

As if bras weren’t annoying enough (LET MY TEE-TEES BE FREE!), now there’s a bra that will nag you when you’re stress-eating. That’s right, Microsoft Research has invented a battery-powered bra equipped with sensor pads that monitors your mood and will alert you when overeating via your smartphone. Cool, first my tits gave away my secret, now my smartphone’s against me too? What next? My elbows are gonna start ratting me out for my eating habits, too? And my computer’s gonna start posting that mess to Facebook so loose acquaintances can judge me for it?! All of this is really upsetting me and is making me want to down a vat of Ben & Jerry’s. Is that what you wanted Microsoft Research? Huh?! Because I think your little plan backfired. Backfired BIG TIME!