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Sunday, January 18, 2009

Patience isn't my virtue

I've never considered myself to be a patient person. I am not exactly impatient, just not patient. There is a difference between impatience and not being patient, but don't ask me to describe the difference, just take my word for it.

What has felt like an eternity but in reality has only been a year and a half, my patience has been tried, tested, punched, ripped, shot at, tortured and I am proud to say only once have I threatened to go on a shooting rampage. Overall, I would say that through everything we have been through, I have shown my colors to be on the patient spectrum. No one has left my clutches with bruises, scratches or life threatening wounds. The venom that has started to form at the back of my throat has not caused any deaths. And although, occasionally I turn into the HULK, green, gigantic, and uncontrollable in my rage, the world has yet to set out to imprison me.

We have not had a choice in our patience in reality. We have often discussed the possibility of hiring a lawyer, but in the end we decided that path would not necessarily quicken the process and would probably do more harm than good. Patience has not been a choice but a virtue that has been thrust upon us. But as the clock tick tocks, the days pass, and we hear nothing from UT except to be patient, I find myself falling into a deep dark hole of despair. Being away from Kyle was easy enough as long as I had a life line, hope, something to hold on to, to look forward to. And I still have hope, but my hope which was once as luminescent as the sun now shines as bright as a single candle in a cavern. Kyle's paper work has been accepted by the University which is a huge step towards success, but nearly two weeks later, no certificate of completion has been issued regardless of the fact that the paperwork had a rush order on it from his adviser, and regardless that he has called daily to check on the progress. They told him he would have it in a week, it has been two. When I arrived in Korea we had planned for Kyle to be out here by New Years. It is now the middle of January, and his paperwork for his visa has not even begun. I have begun to wish for Valentine's Day to be his date of arrival, but every time I set a date in my head, something to grasp onto as a life line, I am left thrashing in the ocean, swallowing water by the mouthfuls. The longer this waiting game continues the more I feel like I am drowning. I am trying to find a positive ending to this post, something uplifting, but my words have been saturated and are floating further away with every wave. Soon, very soon, I will find my voice of hope again, but until then I will leave you with this as it is. Patience is a virtue, it's just not my virtue.

p.s. sorry if many of my posts lately are down. I am sure that will change soon when we hear something more from the University .

4 comments:

I am sorry that you are going through this! I would not wish being seperated from you loved one on my worst enemy, it truly is heart wrenching. I am feeling the same way...the more the days pass by, the more frustrated I become. I am too hoping that by my Birthday (the 30th of this month) we'll know something...and if not then Im shooting for Valentine's Day.

Though I can't tell you a specific date, the life line I can throw to you is this...it will end. This will not be forever. In a few weeks, you two will be reunited again. And you will have been a better person because of what you have gone through. The saying abscence makes the heart grow fonder isn't nearly powerful enough. It should be abscence makes the heart grow stronger.

Thanks for your posts! I found you on blogging around the world. I have 2 children that we adopted from S. Korea. I homeschool them and we are studying different countries from around the world and of course S. Korea is one of them! I enjoy showing them pics of life in Korea. Keep up the great work!

Unfortunately, the cogs of bureaucracy turn excruciatingly slowly. I don't want to be all Mary-Sunshiney about your sad and maddening situation, but once you are together again, you'll quickly forget all the bureaucratic jerks who kept you apart.

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Our blessed wedding day

Welcome

Thank you for visiting our blog. Originally, this blog started as a template for my (Vanessa) thoughts. Over time, it has evolved to be a travel memoir and a general journal for our( my husband and my) life together. Kyle and I have been married for nearly 4 years now, but have been together, forever, since December 2000. We are so lucky to have found true love, and thank God everyday for our many blessings. We are from Texas but have been transported across the world to teach English in Korea for an indefinite amount of time. The culture of Korea is interesting and different and always provides great writing material. If you would like to follow us on this wild and crazy ride, please subscribe above. Once again thank you, and we would love to hear from you!

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My favorite quotes

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain."

“All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost" JRR Tolkien

This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave. ~ Elmer Davis

"We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools." Martin Luther King jr.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. -Confucius

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but rather we are Spiritual Beings having a human experience - anonymous

Imagination is more important than knowledge, for whilst knowledge points to all there is, imagination points to all there could be. Albert Einstein

"Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible. " ~ Cadet Maxim

The mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions ~ Oliver Wendell

The cavity which suffering carves into our souls will one day also be the receptacle of joy.Neil A. Maxwell

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness."- MLK

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -- Maya Angelou

No Difference / Shel Silverstein

Small as a peanut Big as a giant,

We're all the same size

When we turn off the light.

Red black or orange,

Yellow or white

We all look the same

When we turn off the light.

So maybe the way

To make everything right

Is for God to just reach out

And turn off the light!

To the dull mind all nature is leaden. To the illumined mind the whole world burns and sparkles with light.- Ralph Waldo Emerson

“If the only tool we have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail." Abraham Maslow"The world suffers a lot, not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people." Napoleon

“You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep spring from coming.” Pablo Neruda

"The world doesn't come to the clever folks; it comes to the stubborn, obstinate, one idea at a time people".Mary Roberts Rinehart

More quotes

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. - Marianne Williamson

"I am certain that after the dust of centuries has passed over our cities, we too, will be remembered not for our victories or defeats in battle or in politics, but for our contribution to the human spirit."-President John F. Kennedy

"Listen to the MUSTN'T, child,

Listen to the DON'Ts

Listen to the SHOULDN'Ts

The IMPOSSIBLES,

the WON'Ts

Listen to the NEVER HAVEs

Then listen close to me--

Anything can happen, child,

ANYTHING can be."

Shel Silverstein

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.Marie Curie

“You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep spring from coming.” (Pablo Neruda)

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where, I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I don’t know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close. ~Pablo Neruda

Hope is like a bird that senses the dawn and carefully starts to sing while it is still dark. - Anonymous

If we all did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves. Thomas Edison

Mind is consciousness which has put on limitations. You are originally unlimited and perfect. Later you take on limitations and become the mind. - Sri Ramana Maharsh

Happiness is to be found along the way, not at the end of the road, for then the journey is over and it is too late. Today, this hour, this minute is the day, the hour, the minute for each of us to sense the fact that life is good, with all of its trials and troubles, and perhaps more interesting because of them.- Robert R. Updegraff