Shady advice from a raging bitch who has no business answering any of these questions.

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On fun-sized advice

I fell in love with my best friend and its not working out. What now?Disaster.

I’m a nine. He’s a four. Why is he blowing this off?Because you act like you think you’re a nine and he’s a four.

How do I know if the relationship is unhealthy or I’m unhealthy for the relationship?That’s a distinction without a difference.

I can’t remember the last time I was sober for more than two days.Yes you can. What changed?

I thought I knew this but maybe I was wrong. What is the difference between race, ethnicity, and nationality?Race is a social construct that groups people according to inherited genetic characteristics. Ethnicity is a social construct that groups people according to inherited cultural characteristics. Nationality is a social construct that groups people according to inherited political characteristics.

As a white person, how can I enjoy black culture without culturally appropriating? Can I? What did your black friends say when you asked them this question? (Yeah, that was a trick. Anyone who would ask this doesn’t have any black friends.)

Hypothetical; you’re in a position in which you could solve the Israel-Palestine conflict indefinitely. You would get the credit (so Nobel Peace Prize etc etc). HOWEVER, you would never be able to have an orgasm again. What do you do?I solve the conflict with no hesitation whatsoever. Fuck the credit. (What kind of monster puts their own orgasms ahead of lasting peace in the Middle East?)

How does it feel being Facebook-free for over 4 years?People still use Facebook? I thought that’s just where our crazy aunts posted racist memes about Obama.

Do you consider yourself a celebrity?Hell no. I consider myself a pop culture enthusiast. On a good day, I consider myself a writer.