Mike Sajovie, Writer

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Billy Loses Phil Collins’ Number

A man authorities are calling “Billy” has been frantically searching for British pop singer Phil Collins since April. Billy, you may recall, was asked by Mr. Collins in 1985 not to lose his number. After nearly 30 years Billy lost the number, and he is trying to get in touch with Collins so he can get it back.

The 1980s were a tumultuous time for Billy. He was always on the run from one thing or another. Unable to escape his demons, he slept with one eye open and was never in the same city for more than two days at a time. Phil Collins took a liking to the troubled man. He provided Billy with his phone number and asked him to call anytime. He even pleaded with him not to lose his number.

“I feel really bad about losing that number,” said Billy. “Phil’s always been so nice to me. Hell, he even wrote that song and all. I really do hope he reaches out again. I could use that number now more than ever.”

After being on the run for so many years, Billy plans to make some changes. It is the perfect time to reinvent his life because the people who were after him have grown tired of the chase. A few of them even forgot why they were after him in the first place. Once Billy stopped running, the first thing he wanted to do was call Phil Collins with the good news. That’s when he discovered that the number was missing.

A spokesperson for the Grammy winner revealed that Phil Collins and Billy had some good times in those days, even though Billy was not anywhere that the singer could ever find him. But getting the number back from Phil Collins won’t be easy. Collins gave up his land line years ago and he prefers email these days. “Mr. Collins has moved on with his life. He was working on so many projects in the 80s. Billy was just one of them. Still, he was devastated when Billy cried I’M NEVER COMING BACK! When Billy didn’t return, Collins used that time to focus on new things. Now Billy wants back into his life after all these years?”

Phil Collins was not available for comment. Fans blame Billy for ignoring the singer’s repeated cries to not lose his number. Michael Joyce of County Cork blogged, “I can’t believe Billy never wrote it down, or tried to memorize it. I’m also surprised that Billy’s friends or family didn’t remind him about the number from time to time. God, man!”

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2 thoughts on “Billy Loses Phil Collins’ Number”

I actually went to grade school with Billy, and that is so consistent with his behavior even then. The teacher would tell him not to do something, and then he would. I mean, Phil specifically told him NOT to, and he did it anyway. Ugh.