Straight Talk in a Crooked World

I am a Generation X woman who is proud to advocate for crime victims, including domestic violence survivors, and people with food allergies, human rights issues, animals, personal privacy rights, government accountability, and ethical law enforcement practices. I have a B.A. in Criminal Justice and M.A. in Forensic Psychology. Oh, and then there’s that irreverent sense of humor… Thank you for visiting my blog.

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Ninja, there is a friend of mine in the Seattle area who is helping her sister in her separation and divorce from a very violent psychopath and she would like a reccommendation if you have one on a local lawyer that they could trust and count on. How can she contact you?

Unfortunately I don’t know of a good lawyer in the area I’d recommend for this particular situation. Some divorce attorneys will act like experts on domestic violence and then treat the victim like a cash cow rather than truly helping them.

If she wants to get in touch with me, she could leave a comment here and ask me NOT to approve it. That way only I can see it and it won’t be posted publicly. Maybe there are other resources I can connect her with– and I can ask others in the advocacy field too. No results guaranteed, but I have a great deal of empathy for this.

i have been in those shoes and i would end up killing him. but i didnt kill mine. i got out of town for a while and alot of restraining orders. and then told him i would kill him and he got it. but not full blown non empathy psycho. theres a differance. ps i love your blog. you seem very level headed. i am home if you need help. good at law and steering people to what they need. if i cant help i will be forward in telling you. i am in southern nj. take care doll.

Thank you so much! I decided to be an award-free blog, but I really appreciate you thinking of me. Very cool. And you put your heart and soul into your work as well. We must keep at it– there are millions of people who need to find freedom in their lives.

Barbara he is my hero! Him and Bob Hare…. Yea, just because there are the majority that have swallowed the pap and the lies that we were taught as kids “it takes two to fight” and “there are two (valid) sides to every story” and “there is good deep down in everyone, if you treat them nice, they will be nice back”

Oh,yea, back on a rant! LOL Sorry!

I think the new DSM V is like my husband used to say “A camel is a horse designed by a committee” LOL

I came “out of the closet” a while back and quit posting under a “blog name” and identified myself. I’ve carried the shame of my son being a murderer and a psychopath for way too long, so I’m no longer “hiding” behind that shame.

Charles has been a wonderful spiritual mentor to me and I have so much appreciation for his support during the time I was in hiding from the hit man my son sent to kill me. (an ex cell mate of his) My faith is stronger than ever, and part of that is thanks to Charles’ support. He also let me know about “Time’s Up” and I get the new articles sent to me when they are published.

In exchange I tried to educate Charles about psychopaths. He was so sweet and caring he thought ANY one could be “rehabilitated” not knowing that Psychopaths are hard wired and unreachable with any kind of intervention in adulthood.

My mission on Family arrested is to help families of these psychopathic offenders recognize that they must separate themselves from these abusive individuals who are NOT going to change and not spend their in most cases limited energy and resources trying to be “supportive” hoping in vain that they will change.

You have an amazing story. I know that no one is beyond the grace of God, but well-meaning people need to understand that man’s version of rehabilitation is not God’s and like you said, some people aren’t going to be changed by it. They are masters of acting like they’ve changed, but as I often quote, Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. Psychopaths “change” when there is personal benefit involved, like regaining control over their victim or “successfully” completing treatment for their issues. I’m so glad that you’re out there educating people because so many of our friends and family members are manipulated by dark souls…

Since I retired in 2005 as a Registered Nurse Practitioner working in mental health I have devoted myself to the systematic study of offenders, focusing mainly on the psychopaths (like my son) and it has been pretty mind opening to me as well, making me realize that I have been sucked into trying to “help” (READ: enable) my son for the entirety of his criminal life.

Recovering from the stress and trauma as well as learning about the criminal justice system (now isn’t that an oxymoron?) and the social consequences of crime on the families of the criminals, and how the “system” encourages these families to “help” (READ: enable) these men and women who 25% of are full fledged psychopaths and the rest have an AVERAGE score of 22 on the Psychopath Check List-Revised developed by Dr. Robert Hare which is the “gold standard” for legally declaring a person a psychopath.

What is even more frustrating is that the mental health profession can’t get their stuff together on what to CALL this….sociopath? psychopath? antisocial personality disorder? (that one sounds like a hermit not a predator) and most mental health professionals still cling to the thinking that “there is good down deep in everyone.” Or “everyone can be helped with therapy.”

I have written for LF for several years. One of the contributors of Time’s UP, Charles Moncrief is a friend of mine. That site belongs to Donna Andersen, though, not to me. I just started a small blog to help the families of criminals to find closure and let go of the personality disordered spouses and adult children it i s http://www.familyarrested.com you go have a look if you’d like. I also just blog about whatever touches my mind or heart, but with so many sites telling family members of criminals to keep on “supporting” them and apparently none tellilng them to get the heck away from these career criminals, I figured there was a need so I’m trying to fill that need. I love your blog and am trying to find time to read it all. good job.

Wildninga I happened on your blog while I was doing some research for my own blog. I am the mother of a career criminal and murderer who is incarcerated in Texas. He comes up for parole every 3-4 years and I have hired an attorney to with the family of his victim PROTEST HIS PAROLE release. I would very much like your permission to link to your blog on mine as I think your blog is very much aimed at the same sort of victims. thanks joyce alexander, .

Are you at lovefraud.com? If so, you have a great site. If you want to add me to a blogroll, feel free. My blog is about whatever’s on my mind, but given how I have extensive life experience both personally and professionally with dark souls, writing about them seems to have become my schtick. Because of this I’m also a contributor to the Time’s Up crime victims advocacy blog, http://timesupblog.blogspot.com/. Thanks for spreading the word about how to avoid these predators and players!

Thank you! My posts range from dark to completely silly, so reading all 300+ posts could be overwhelming. 🙂 I’d encourage people to check out your blog as well because you and your daughter have a remarkable story.

Your welcome. And thank you for the affirmation. I kinda figured I had better mention my sons age. I couldn’t bear any possible backlash from the audience…lol…if you get a chance listen to Sinead O’Conner’s song called “Three Babies”. I promise, its as if she was singing my life at a certain point in our lives. Be forewarned, it’s a tear jerker for real! I wish you the best and continued success.

Thank you so much for your reply to my post in re: to the Mogul Mothers article. I don’t have the tools to help my son at this point other than the fact I printed out the article and mailed it to him this morning. He is a grown man himself and a whopping 30 years old. I continue to write to him and will for as long as I have use of my hands. Beyond that, I am open to any suggestions you have to offer. I truly appreciate your input. I just want to give you a great big hug! My eyes are gurgling up with tears. Please know that you are appreciated and your insight and knowledge are truly valued on this end.

I wanted to thank you for the article Mogul Mothers, Suppressed Sons. It brought such clarity to my life as I am a daughter of those mothers and have observed her relationship with my 6 brothers and now she’s got my son wrapped around her madness. I seperated myself from this situation 6 months ago for the umpteenth time because its such a toxic relationship all the way around. I observed 3 divorces, and 2 sometimes (I say sometimes because when she’s not around these couples get along perfectly fine) miserable marriages due to her lack of concern for there privacy. Its like she’s jealous of my sister-n-laws/any females they may be involved with including me. Its an ugly cycle. I tried and I tried over a span of 20 years to work through her inconceivable ways to no avail. I quit! She wins! Game over!

You’re welcome. Sounds like there needs to be some space and major boundaries with mom. I don’t know your situation but would argue that you need to do what’s in your son’s best interest rather than your mom’s and maybe create some space there. If her interactions with him are inappropriate, why allow those interactions?

I wanted to thank you for posting the article about son and mother who are enmeshed. I recently broke up with my boyfriend who was enmeshed with his mom. It has been a very difficult time, as i am still in love with him. It just became intolerable for me; your article described so well what is like for the partner. It also helped me to better understand what was really going on. I feel so badly for these men, because they are truly unhappy and they are denied of basic human rights. I am also so shocked by how narcissistic these women are.
Thank you again for this wonderful article. It helped me tremendously ss i am navigating the post break up time.

Thank you, and you’re welcome. I’m glad that you have the clarity to recognize an unhealthy situation for what it is and get yourself out safely. When you marry a man like that you’re also married to mom– basically two lifetime commitments instead of one. You deserve better and should be with someone who will make you the #1 woman in his life.