I’m no lady

I was raised to be ladylike. By that I mean not swearing or spitting or yelling on the street. I try to be polite even to impolite people and I keep my knees together when I’m sitting in a skirt.* They’re just the “rules” of polite behavior we try to follow to maintain a veneer of civilization, right?

But out on the trail or while exercising? It’s all out the window.

I try. I really do. But it’s allergy season and I have this mucus issue. So now I’m spitting and snorting and doing the “farmer’s blow” (so gross). I do make sure not to spit while I’m going by someone on the bike trail.

One day last week offered a prime example of my lack of class.

I did a practice triathlon, which started off with a 25-minute swim at Duane Lake, where my parents’ friends live. The husband offered to show me space inside the house to change into my wetsuit, but I declined, not wanting to put them to any extra trouble.

“I can do it right here,” I said, pulling off my jeans. I had tri shorts underneath, but he seemed a little taken aback by my willingness to strip on his back lawn.

An hour or so later, back at home, I headed out for the bike portion of my workout. I felt fine when I started out, but after a couple miles, just couldn’t stop sniffling. I stopped at my turnaround point and blew my nose with a tissue, but it was a training ride. You can’t keep stopping to blow your nose on a training ride, any more than you would during a race. So on the way back, I just started wiping my nose on my bike gloves. And wiping … And wiping… It was not a pretty sight.

Sometimes I’m not so good on the language issue either. During another bike ride earlier this month, I rode up behind two guys walking abreast on the bike trail. There was room to go by on the left, but I don’t like to startle people, so I let them know I was there.

“On your left!” I announced, clearly and politely. Unfortunately, one guy dodged left, directly into the path of my bike.

“Left!” I shrieked and then, as I braked hard to avoid him and the rear wheel of my bike popped up in the air, “Jesus Christ!”

So not ladylike. I followed up well, though, apologizing to the alarmed trail user, who (being a gentleman) also apologized for his error.

(“I didn’t want to hit you,” I said. “I didn’t want you to fall. You could hit me,” he said, meaning he thought me hitting him would be better than me falling. I thought, 130 pounds traveling at 15+ miles an hour: you don’t want me to hit you.)

How important is classy behavior on the trail or out on the road while exercising? Should I only spit when no one’s looking? Is it okay to swear if no one can hear you or is that just a slippery slope?

* Just to clarify, I was NOT raised to think being ladylike means being weak or not working up to our full potential mentally or physically. There’s an irksome post on wikihow advising teen girls on how to be ladylike that recommends they: avoid pants and only wear sneakers if they’re going to the gym; “dislike dirty things,” including bugs and snakes; avoid sports except for horseback riding or dance.

Gag. Ladies can rock marathons and get black belts and set up their own tents and rescue spiders from the shower. Ladies have good manners but they’re not helpless.