Love yourself first in order to love others

Most of us have grown up thinking and believing it is too selfish to think of oneself before others. Here I am saying otherwise.

What does it mean?

How could I possibly say that when our culture, our society teaches us to be selfless?

Our decision are based on several factors, starting from our family, to the cultural values, appreciation by society

I grew up with a feeling of being insufficient, incompetent. I have been working on it for a while now; sometimes it still gets on my new way of thinking. Earlier, it was really difficult for me to say no to others or even express it to people that I have some other work to do. It all came from my inability to prioritize myself and my things.

I always felt the other person’s work is more important than mine. My work can be done later. How can I be so rude and tell them that I won’t be able to attend them at the moment as I am busy attending myself.

When you look at it minutely I had people pleasing personality. I wanted them to like me, love me, accept me. What a dichotomy!!! On one hand I was neglecting, rejecting myself & my needs; on the other hand I was expecting others to accept me 🙂

Why would I do that?? What made me neglect my own self?

It all came from a feeling that I am not good enough, if I am not good enough I have to that extra mile to make up for that lesser me.

We are taught right from the beginning that we are worthy and accepted only if we fulfill the norms created by our culture and society. Our worth is decided by the money, power, attractiveness, status, sex, relationships.

If we connect our self worth on these external factors we will never feel complete or worthy enough. The critic in us will keep us engaged in thoughts such as “I am not enough, I don’t have enough, and I don’t do enough.”

Who decides what enough is?

The feelings of insufficiency, incapability, of lack are never going to end. Every time we reach somewhere or achieve something, there is something else to look at.

The biggest and the most important decision of our lives that affect our every other decision is the commitment to love and accept ourselves. It directly affects the quality of our relationships, our work, our faith, our future.

Hi. I'm Swati.

The Circle of Love is the website and blog of Swati Mishra, Experiential Therapist and Mentor. Swati works with adults of all ages and from different walks of life to help them navigate and overcome their emotional, mental and physical challenges.