Charlize Theron: Oscars Worst Dressed (Lainey)

Before you start yelling, please click here to remember. Remember what Charlize Theron wore to the Oscars last year when she was named Best Dressed on this blog. I want you to remember this for comparison. Because when we consider the Worst Dressed at the Oscars, it’s always about positioning and potential.

Whoopi Goldberg?

Sure. It was heinous. But you didn’t think you’d see gold from Whoopi Goldberg on Sunday morning, did you? Whoopi Goldberg wasn’t dressing for this list. She’s not invited to this party. The people invited to this party are the ones who carry some expectation, who have met a certain standard. Charlize has helped set that standard. And since she often upholds that standard, it makes what she wore last night that much more disappointing.

It looks like a brassiere! No, not a bra. But a BRASSIERE. A f-cking brassiere! And not of the provocative Madonna kind either. I might not be so offended though if the straps didn’t suddenly become sheer pantyhose running the length of her back. Super support for nursing?

WHY is Charlize Theron, of all people, getting style inspiration from breastfeeding?

I refuse to accept this. I refuse to accept that she could be inadequate in style. So I’m just going to go ahead and blame Sean Penn…who she met up with after the Oscars. And, holy sh-t, they actually WALKED A CARPET TOGETHER. Here they are at the Fame & Philanthropy after-party last night arriving hand in hand and then – once again – agreeing to be photographed together. And he doesn’t look miserable. In fact, this is the closest he’s come to looking pleasant at one of these events in a long time.

According to US Weekly, they ended up at Madonna’s annual Oscar party and were “making out like crazy” and “all over each other” on the dance floor. Can you imagine that? I haven’t tried. I don’t know if I want to. I’m still tripping over them holding hands.