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Hi reading friends, excuse the text formatting haha but if you are wondering about what Cave Castle is, just read below. I would write a brand new event description for it but currently the "innovation and excellence in writing" part of my brain is fried from composing a strongly worded email to the CEO of Delta Airlines, Mr. Ed Bastian, for an atrocious customer service experience with one of his employees, of which I have spoken to many. Karma's a bitch, Leslie! Anyway, zoom in and read on:

shoddy formatting oops reebzdj

STALACTITIIES

A dank infinity of gratitude to everyone who participated, attended, and helped engineer Cave Castle.

Thank you to my collaborating partners at Dish Rag Magazine and Blue Roar VR, and thanks to Red Bull and Doritos for the generous contribution of product. Issue Zero of Dish Rag Magazine, "The Cave Issue", has officially been LAUNCHED -- like a SpaceX rocket -- and you can order a copy online. It feels awesome to hold a thiccc, glossy tome of print media in your hands and ingest its plethora of content.

Thank you to all the artists and performers! I wish I could go to all of everyone's shows but in between building rockets, running a multiplanetary media conglomerate, and remaining consistent with my personal brand of grumpy ass grandad, I still haven't figured out how to get from the west side to the east side every night. Still, I love and appreciate u

Bless u Raychel for consistently being the queen of the bar, and bless u Lauren for ur awesome work SERVING drank to cavemans

Besos to my ex-husband Elon for showing up to support my art despite these challenging times in our relationship

Event photography by Tanner Ross

photo by Chung Hyunh

photo by Chung Hyunh

hi reading friends,this here ismyexplanation of why i haven't updated my website/blog in over six monthswhich has obviously changed in the past few hours as i begin yet another overhaul. i am reentering digitalisation after a week of total media blackout. i highly encourage doing a social media detox whenever possible. i'm trying to exclusively go online when

1. i wanna promote something,

2. i have to maintain my awareness of current events and not tap out completely,

3. i feel like it, and not go when i don't.

causeyou know what.sometimes you go through some deep shit and you don't feel like pouring your heart out and doting on it.i did myself a favor and cut my internet/social media usage by at least 40% in the past two years and it's been wonderful for nastya valentine (as a person) and swampy for nastya valentine (as a business). i literally just did not feel like keeping a digital diary in favor of an analog one and that's a great and terrible thing about being a ceo -- you have the liberty of doing whatever you want whenever you want however you please but to run a brand you have to be consistent. you know, post every monday and thursday at 6pm, or do a thing once a month, you know, be a content machine. for the fans. as it turns out (i learned that Apple Inc employees use "as it turns out" instead of "unfortunately" to placate a customer's vibe) i am not a content machine, at least not a consistent one. historically my output is to make larger scale work seasonally/annually rather than churn out small projects weekly. i respect the people who can do that because i absolutely have no discipline or interest in creating shortform work. anywayi'm just briefing you on this rant but stay tuned for my unabridged "how to run a business" ted talk.in my next keynote address i will

differences between david blaine and a lunchable-one of them can escape from a cube, the other one can give young children amphetamine psychosis

-one of them is an award winning magician, the other one works in las vegas

-one of them comes in a plastic container, the other one was popular in the 90s

-one of them is an endurance artist, the other one endures hours of agony being digested in a small intestine

-one of them is david lynch, the other one is also david lynch

-one of them has a family and children, the other one feeds a family and children

difference between david blaine and a lunchable is... there is no difference!

differences between my heart and the government-one of them constantly has old white men tryina control it, the other one uses area 51 as a front for concealing aliens

-one of them manipulates cardiologists into prescribing xanax for the entire squad, the other one is full of oxidized blood

-one of them was ruined after the 90s, the other one was also ruined after the 90s

-one of them is a visitor from the twilight zone, the other one prevents visitors from crossing the boundary into the states

-one of them aches for space communism, the other one has no regard for human suffering

MY HEART IS NUCLEAR POWERED, THE GOVERNMENT WONT EVEN SUBSIDIZE ME SOME ELECTRICITY FOR MY TESLA

i have a confession to make. i didn't even bother to write a keynote speech for cave castle. i wrote three bullet points in my journal:-how much of a fuckboy i am-nonlinearity of time-live tweet my purchase of tesla model 3 and subsequent diva meltdownbut shit, i never expanded on those. do you have time periods where your exhaustion about yourself keeps you from being fully creatively functional?

darkness, diabolique, and disdain for the patriarchy: a discourse for daddy

is my next blog post title. in this critical essay i will delve into how french cinema (not new wave pls), japanese ghost films, daddy issues, and ever fervent need to debilitate the partriarchy came to influence my latest horror film Darkness. which was first screened at Cave Castle but really requires, you know, some critical assessment so that'll be a dramatic promotional thing i work on soon.

10/6 in LA**** with L1v3 sC0Re aGAiiN by me10/19 in Detroit10/21 in Chicago

go see it if you are around those cities! after October, in Scorpio season, it might be available to watch online.

and speaking of daddy--

elon's nervous breakdownhonestly this was years in the making -- instead of an instant 24hr diva meltdown like kanye, elon is on a slow burn into the abyssi don't personally dislike grimes and i think some of her music is good but the thing is, the majority of her whole ethos/career/appeal is tied to her standing w social issues, diy scenes, and alternate forms of government -- and adamantly so. i'm team banks on this one, spill the T azealia!

-cheating on your veganism

-not getting a facial every four to six weeks

-the dentist

-taylor swift

-5

-number six will SHOCK you

-my instagram story

-students loans

-u2 showing up in itunes unannounced and you can't get rid of it >:[

-when you go on a first date with a dude or a second date or something and he doesn't know animal collective beyond mpp or my girls and you hate yourself for being judgeymental but youre tryina do laundry with him anyway but hes quiet and awkward and not showing any interest in you or animal collective or glamour or more critically it seems as though he doesnt want to do laundry so you lock yourself in a cave for a week and a half working on one of kanyes unreleased track but protools crashed so you lost all the track datas and now not only some random dude doesnt wanna do laundry with you but kanye is gonna be really piss3d and have another mental breakdown that is all your fault that the album is stalling when all you were doing was trying to secure some cred and student loans money so you buy a fainting couch for the fainting cave with the advance that kanyes team gave you the advance that was gonna pay off your student debts so you are back to square one but you relate to kanye in that way right because we all have debts and we all suffer right its just the human conditioner so you guess youll go to the opera with Kanye after your bender cause that so on brand reminding yourself that some things should be better left alone and accept that acceptance is a key to living gracefully but technically drugs are a form of grace and the year you spent being completely sober was a strange branding activity and personal exercise and possible waste of time and conclude that there should definitely be more caves because caves you "self-deprecate and create" or "deteriorate and meditate" or whatever

-feet

incidentally, the next issue of Dish Rag is going to be "open 24 hours" themed. which brings me to my next thematically charged op ed. 24 hours with nastya valentine's open office hours. 24 hour bender with nastya valentine with a special guest. nastya plus one. potentially plus more than one. quite probably on a total media blackout. up until this essay i've been going on seven days of a social media blackout (not on a bender, mind you) and i don't think my chill has ever run as deep. if you intend to deepen your chill, turn your fucking phone off for 24 hours and if it turns into 48 then 72 then 100 hours you just go ahead and vibe on that and your re-entry to the digital world will likely be an

impenetrable

and

coherent

bliss

and then you will be ready for Bliss Castle, the next Castle,

set to be in April 2019... 4/20 blaze it baby

420 vibeout 24/7

come to grandpas house and make some noise music with your shoegaze grandpa son

ON OUR RIDER FOR FUTURE SHOWS:-electronics lab-poppers as inducers-actual grandads-flaming margs-24/7 videographer but must be on obscure media format-saxophones for the whole squad-bill clinton's face on a caterpillar-neck tat artist-stress free zone

besos from your CEO,

CAVE CASTYA

we are so proud of u, Cave Castle crew. we did good and now we're tired. besos, nastya valentine & dish rag mag

PS. below, a trove of pictures from Cave, mostly taken by Chung Hyunh

plus some iPhone photo realness

me when reentering digitalisation after my social media blackout... mooomm i don't wanna go on instagram i wanna go to hot topic