After the hassle of returning my second bed, Mattress, Mattress Everywhere And Not A One I Like, my business relationship with Store A ended. I was out $300 in fees and didn’t have a mattress. I was thrilled to be rid of those beds, though, and have no regrets. Now what?

Well, I figured it was time to take my chances with a store that sells the Serta Hotel Collection of flippable mattresses. All I wanted throughout this ordeal was to have my original bed back. It had been a flippable Serta pillowtop. I (incorrectly) assumed that if I purchased the 2012 Serta Perfect Sleeper Sapphire Suite Pillowtop, it would be the same as my 1995 Serta Perfect Sleeper Emerald Bay Pillowtop.

As I forked over my credit card, I had high hopes. The mattress was delivered, and I was happy with it for about two weeks. Then I felt uncomfortable and my lower back started hurting again. If you like your bed, might I recommend saving the specs? That includes coil count, coil gauge, and foams. The name of the mattress won’t stay the same. In fact, the exact same mattress will have a different name at a different store, which inhibits you from comparing prices. You know how with real estate it’s all about location, location, location? With mattresses, it’s about specs, specs, specs.

You’re probably scratching your head, wondering why this chick didn’t just go to the chiropractor. As you’ll recall from Mattress Blog #1, Mattress Sale Results In Back Pain And Sleepless Nights, chiropractic visits aren’t covered under my health insurance. I have to pay out of pocket, and I did, even though my primary care physician is opposed to chiropractic care.

Have you ever been to a chiropractor? My guy wanted me to see him three times a week. To quote youtube.com sensation Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time for that.” Sure, I had time to try out mattresses several times a week after work for six months. After work being the key. Do you think my chiropractor’s office is open after 6:00pm, at lunch, or on the weekend,? No, no, and no.

You Get What You Pay For

I did the math. Chiropractic adjustments are $45 a visit. If I go four times a month, I’m out $180. So far, with the buying and returning of mattresses, I had some form of mattress in my house for seven months and spent $300 in fees, which averages $42.86 per month. Isn’t it sad when it’s actually cheaper to buy and return mattresses than see a doctor?

This is faulty logic, of course, since I didn’t include pain and suffering in the total, gas costs for driving back and forth to the mattress stores, the fact I didn’t own a mattress I liked, and my lower back still hurt.

So, to solve this seemingly unsolvable problem, I went to the chiropractor. I iced my back three times a day. I did the McKenzie technique’s back strengthening exercises. I used my friend’s inversion board. Another friend suggested I go regularly to the playground and hang upside down on the monkey bars, as this would decompress my spine. Yes, I did this. No, it didn’t work. Despite puzzled stares from parents my age, I was proud I was limber enough to hoist myself up onto the bars.

Aunt Vicki Is High Maintenance

My chiropractor insisted, “It’s not the bed. Trust me. I see this every day.” Yikes! Every day? How many of us are there? And how come no one can explain why I was able to sleep on the guest bed at my mom’s house with little to no distress? The solution seemed to be…to live at my mom’s house. I stayed there constantly while mattresses were being delivered and exchanged at my house.

It was Easter weekend, somewhere between the selection of the third or fourth mattress, when I begged my parents to let me take home what we all now referred to as “the Howell bed.” Driving to work, to Howell, back to work, back home, and back to Howell was taking a toll on me. I figured at least I’d have a mattress to sleep on while I continued my search for “The One.”

Let me tell you. Owning a Jeep comes in handy when you need to transport a twin sized mattress. I wanted to keep my Serta Sapphire Suite, but in the end, I had to exchange it. A fourth mattress? Are you kidding me? What do I order now?

Stay tuned for future blog posts to find out what happens next in the continuing saga of the backbreaking bed(s)….