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I’ve just become a content writer over at Zelda-Temple.net. My username is GioSpy so please, register on the forums and speak with me. My first article for the website is up. It’s a review for TLoZ: Twilight Princess, so go and read.

The taser gun. With one squeeze of a trigger, you can zap anyone or anything and cause possible permanent damage. How awesome would that be? This is a list of the things you would do if you had a taser gun.

1. Protection – You are walking down the street, minding your own business. Suddenly, a guy comes out of nowhere, holding a lead pipe demanding your money. What do you do? Pull out a taser gun and demand HIS money! Warning, do not use on a mugger holding a gun. The electric shock will cause his hand to constrict causing the trigger of the gun to be squeezed. Do not fire unless you have a death wish!

2. Long Queues – Don’t you just hate those long, annoying queues? Don’t you just want to have some kind of way to shorten up the line at the squeeze of a trigger? The taser gun can do that. I am not at all responsible for any legal action that might be filed against you. Use at your own risk!

3. Home Cooking – There is a cold, raw chicken sitting on your kitchen bench. Gross. It needs to be cooked. The ovens broken. What do you do? Whip out your trusty taser gun and fry it! Warning, do not handle the chicken as it is being fried. A very unpleasant death awaits you.

4. Settling an Argument – Does someone not agree with what you are saying? Point the gun at them and they will. Warning, if you got your hands on a taser gun, chances are you ‘buddy’ has one as well. Take care when choosing someone to pick an argument with!

5. Blackouts – The lights go out. Don’t worry because you have your taser with you. Pull a light globe out from the roof or a nearby lamp and shoot the taser at the bottom of it. There, instant light. Warning, there is no light so be careful where you point the gun.

There are five things you could do if you can get your hands on a taser gun. Have fun. Also, item 3 and 5 might be against the basic laws of physics but have fun trying. Again, I am not responsible for any injuries or deaths caused by this list.

Mornings, completely unavoidable unless you sleep in but with all the things we need to do in our busy lives, we have to endure mornings, except on weekends when there is no work. Thank god for those days! The following events are the worst thing that could happen during the morning and there will be a tip at the end to help you avoid it all. Now, try to visualise yourself in this situation.

It’s the middle of the night and there’s the glowing clock staring at you, keeping you awake. You try not to look at it and see if that might make the time go faster. After what feels like hours, you look back at the clock. Only a minute has passed.

Then the alarm goes off in the morning when you just get to sleep. You hit the snooze button and fall back asleep. Ten minutes later, the alarm goes off again. You hit the snooze button again and you fall back asleep. Ten minutes later, the alarm goes off again. I’m going to stop right here. What is the point of the snooze button anyway? All it does is delay the inevitability of getting up. Any intelligent person would turn the clock off at the power if he wanted to sleep in.

You eventually get out of bed after being annoyed many times by the alarm clock. You immediately jump back into the warmth of the bed because the temperature is freezing. You slowly get out of bed again and you get used to the cold.

You walk to your bathroom and you go have a shower. Guess what? The hot water is broken! Cold water splashes down on your body and it makes you shiver. Now it is freezing outside and its even more freezing inside the shower. You finish your shower, you dry yourself and you wrap your towel around your waist.

You walk to the mirror of the bathroom, pick up your toothbrush and reach for the toothpaste tube. It is empty. You decide you should probably rinse your mouth out with water instead. You get a cup, you put it under the tap and you turn it on. Unfortunately the water that comes out of the tap is unclean and it has a brownish colour. You turn the tap off and you walk back to your room to get changed.

You open your dresser and find out the only clothes you have to wear for the day are a pair of shorts that barely fit you anymore and a shirt with a huge gaping hole on the back. There is also no jumper available for you to wear. So now you are freezing and there is no way to get warm besides jumping back into bed but you might fall back asleep and become late for what you need to do.

You get changed and you go to the kitchen to get breakfast. You open the pantry and pick out a cereal box. It seems a bit light. You check the contents and find that the box is empty. This was also the last box of cereal you had.

You check the time. You are thirty minutes late to where you need to be. You groan. What a horrible morning you’ve had!

The above might seem horrible and unavoidable but I have some good advice that will prevent these series of events from ever happening. The best possible thing you can do is to not get out of bed until noon. I know this might seem a bit obvious but think about it, the best thing you can do to avoid mornings is to avoid mornings!

The Angry Video Game Nerd (often shortened to AVGN or The Nerd) is a character created and played by Internet filmmaker James Rolfe. It is also the name of his popular Internet video series.

Zero Punctuation is the name for a series a videos by English born writer Ben Croshaw (commonly known as Yahtzee).

Both of these video series do the same thing, reviewing video games. I am about to break these series down to find out which is superior.

Audience

Both series do review games but they review different types. The AVGN reviews games from twenty years ago and Zero Punctuation reviews the latest games. Since the AVGN reviews games most people around the world grew up with, people can relate to them and enjoy the videos more. A problem with this is that everyone is doing it, ie. The Irate Gamer.

Zero Punctuation reviews new games so it targets another, larger audience of gamers who only like the latest things.

Humour

The AVGN derives his humour from his complete frustration at the horrible games he reviews, so there’s bound to be some level of profanity in his videos. This is a problem because this is the only thing the humour is coming from.

Zero Punctuation uses a variety of jokes so it doesn’t feel like you’re watching the same thing over and over again.

Does it actually review games?

The AVGN does talk about games but not in enough detail. He mainly only talks about the bits that frustrates only himself.

Zero Punctuation also talks about the bad things but it talks about it more as a whole rather than in the AVGN who only talks about little tid-bits of the game.

Both actually don’t ‘review’ the games since they don’t talk about the good parts of the game as well.

Conclusion

The AVGN targets an audience of retro gamers and Zero Punctuation targets gamers who like the latest games.

The AVGN reuses the same jokes over and over again and Zero Punctuation has some variety in its humour.

Both games don’t actually ‘review’ games but Zero Punctuation give more detail than the AVGN.