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Construction Finished on White House-IOP Pipeline

The pipeline spits out political hacks directly into the John F. Kennedy Jr. Forum.

CAMBRIDGE, MASS. – The Harvard Institute of Politics has completed construction on a pipeline that runs directly from President Trump's White House to the IOP.

Though a metaphorical pipeline forged out of winks and nudges has been in place for decades, the presence of a physical pipeline will allow the IOP to import disgraced former aides and cabinet secretaries at a record-setting pace.

"The IOP has always welcomed failed political candidates, insufferable policy wonks, and glorified pencil-pushers complicit in the undermining of American democratic institutions," said IOP Director Mark Gearan. "We're hoping this pipeline streamlines the process!"

The contractors hired to build the pipeline were relieved to have finally finished the project. "It is a marvel of modern engineering that that much bullshit could be transported up the entire northeast corridor," said plumber Jordan Donaldson. "It was an honor to be a part of this grand experiment in bipartisanship, free speech, and feckless glad-handing."

By all accounts, undergraduates are looking forward to the more efficient wonk-to-Fellow process. "Having the IOP Fellows around is a key part of the Harvard experience," said Irene H. Paulson '20. "If I can't take a selfie with Kellyanne Conway or John Kelly when they inevitably slide down the pipeline, did I really attend an institution of higher learning that cares only about maintaining its prestige amidst political turmoil?"

Sources indicate that Harvard University is already investing in a pipeline that would directly connect Harvard Business School to Goldman Sachs' headquarters, as well as one that would connect the Harvard Lampoon to an empty field on the outskirts of Los Angeles.