The mistress, sidechick, whatever other name you want to use, is a unique character. They typically represent a multitude of things. Sometimes they don’t even exist; they’re merely an ideal. They represent everything you aren’t therefore must be. The personification of the temptation that befalls any committed man. Sometimes they’re simply the butt of a joke, someone so naive and oblivious to the fact that they are the only one in their relationship. They celebrate Valentine’s Day on the 15th, only get phone calls after 10pm, and never seem to put 2 and 2 together. But often, they are someone who was simply deceived. A sympathetic figure whose only is being in love with the wrong person or rather the right person at the wrong time.

I’ve spoken before on the lone time I cheated. It was a drunken, yet inexcusable night of passion. As I woke up, I could see the elephant in the room. What happens now? She was willing to be the other woman, I unwilling to allow her. I knew her better than that, it would kill her. It was an interesting prospect, the golden egg of convenience, one represented passion, the other stability, in picking one I lose the other, but if I had both? I couldn’t do it, I cared too much to hurt anyone, it was bad enough this first night happened. Being the other woman is something I would never want to afflict on someone I care about, no matter how tragically romantic Kerry Washington attempts to make it look on television.

I think part of it comes from exasperation. It’s better than nothing. The idea of not being with someone you care about is way worse. No different from two single people enjoying eachothers’ company. Other times it’s better than something, I know personally at one point I willingly was the other guy, let him deal with the perils of a relationship I’ll be the good time. It was my ego getting the best of me, I convinced myself I was too good for a relationship. In reality it was the opposite, I didn’t offer much but a projection. Let her think I was better for her than he, but never step up and prove so. I think that’s the thought process behind shameless mistresses, it’s easy to look the part of the better alternative, harder to prove.

However, in any aspect it’s just something that’s hard to defend. Single people are free to pursue whomever they wish, however any ego boost or validation afforded by “taking” someone else’s man, is typically overcompensation. If it’s someone you really feel you can’t be without, don’t provide incentive to not be chosen. Hold him accountable, demand more. As for the committed the options are simple: Be single, find someone who’s into open relationships (that’s another post entirely I ain’t even going to touch), or simply accept that you can’t have them all. Affairs are simply greed and selfishness.