Thursday, January 12, 2012

|| "Run" - Matt Nathanson

I think my first attempt at connecting with my dad and being able to have htht with him the way my brother can, kind of failed haha! not in a bad way, but he's so concerned - to the point he says if it gets worse he'll call the police? LOL. my parents are overprotective. and I even downplayed the whole thing, haha my dad might have exploded if he knew the whole story.

c: toenail because I think in a post somewhere I ranted 'he's not worth my toenail' hahah!!

anyway I shall just see it as a source of entertainment. because I don't want to waste energy getting angry :/ if it gets worse (nah, it won't, he doesn't have the balls) I'll handle it myself. I love my parents so much (really, I think I'm only just beginning to realise how amazing they are, aka how ungrateful I am) but I don't want them to step into this.

I want a happy J2 life!

so screw you. you have now dropped to a lowlife level, mr. source of entertainment.

and I may be being mean, but rest assured I am only mean to creepy people who stare at you during class, appear somehow behind you when you're walking home, and gives me problems in my life because all he can think about is himself - he doesn't even know me, so anything at all he says with regard to me has no value whatsoever.

oh and, I don't know if it's back to school blues or something, but lots of people seem to be feeling down :(

oh. me, too. haha! :D

+D +D

chunhui to the max~! I wonder what my stone face looks like. anyway

there must be something about us that really jar against each other. because it's been like this (albeit for different reasons) since last year. can you please respect my personal space? like, the personal space bubble? I'm okay with quite a few people taking liberties with it, but not you.

it's not like you're a hateful person. we just don't get along. I don't even want to try figuring out if that's because we're too alike. I seriously hope not. I'm still going to give you a chance. in fact, knowing me, I'm going to give you a chance forever even if this time _____. if that happens my heart will end up in shambles. this is the last year, can't you leave it alone - but you can't.

I shall not play your game. the best thing chess has taught me is that by considering all the factors, you can make a move that's completely different from the expected. so for this game, I'll create my own rules.

see? told you I was feeling down~ hahaha kidding. these two stuffs have been on and off for a year. tsk.. I shall make both of them sources of entertainment!! hahaha! omg then my life will have very funny stuffs going on (Y)

this week is remarkable because of:

going gym with waterman, going gym with teammates, going weights gym yay! I don't want to bulk up though LOL but I still need the strength to carry the 10kg waterbaobao around~

spending time with friends after hols <333 been sososo long

THE HOMEWORK

and the honware!

oh, not much actually. well it's only thursday~ and I'm loving lit classes more and more! <3 :D we actually sat on the lt3 stage for lecture today, gosh!

and if the topic of today is down, then I should actually try to raise the pH and undown it. not that easy, I know. I mean, it's easy to zi-high and make yourself laugh when you're down, but then there's the kind of down - the kind where it's like there's a blackness inside my chest and I want to cry, but it's too vile for tears. and I want to sink somewhere, but there's nowhere to go so I just drown in myself. and it's perfectly easy to fake a smile because I feel so dead I know exactly which muscles to move and hold.

I've felt like that a very very few times in my life and not now, duh, not this year at all, yay. but what I'm trying to say is..I sort of - not completely, maybe not even close - but I do kind of understand. I won't try saying cheesy stuff like 'you're not alone' or 'someone else understands your pain' which I think only people who don't understand say, but if you feel it getting ultra-down, I give free hugs~ <3 just for you though ;D

lastly: it was a shiver-thin slash between yes and no, I'm so sorry. I don't want to become what I think I am becoming.