Saturday, 22 October 2011

I feel stupid... no, not because you let me down, I'm sorry, I didn't mean you 'let me down', more, because you couldn't make it. But anyway, it's not because of that. I guess, I feel stupid because... You remember right, talking about how I don't get excited that you're coming anymore, because I worry that you'll tell me you can't make it? Well... That pretty sums up why I feel so stupid. You don't understand? Ok, look, I told myself to stop being stupid, and I let myself get excited, for once.

You wanna know what's so bad about that? I'll tell you. My fear right. You didn't show, you couldn't make it, you disappointed me, you let me down. I'm sorry. I don't mean to make you feel so bad, but that's how I feel. You never made it, the one day I bothered to get excited.

I guess my timings just off, you know, you understand. Maybe next time, I'll be excited, you'll turn up. Maybe.

Saturday, 15 October 2011

I recently discovered an acquaintance of mine has purchased a mink coat, and I could not be more disgusted. I am confused by the sheer lack of care a majority of human kind has for other species, no matter how I try, I fail to comprehend why someone would use an animal, merely for it's skin and then discard it as if it were a piece of scrap paper.
I understand the use of cows skin for leather, and pigs skin for suede, as these are animals that humans feed on, but to use animals merely for the purpose of fashion? To ruin food chains and endanger species we do not feed on, for the sake of having the 'real thing'? 65 female mink or 35 males go into making ONE coat, just one!
There is no need for any person, no matter how rich, or fashion conscious, to use the skin of these animals, where faux furs and faux silk are so readily available. Quality and texture is no question as there are faux furs available which are so close to the real thing only a specialist would be able to tell the two apart.
I am not an animal rights activists, or a member of any animal protection societies, I am merely a girl who is horrified by the ignorant species she is a part of.

Monday, 3 October 2011

Sitting in the park watching the guys play basketball, with the footballers behind me, makes me think, that in the few short years there has been since I turned twelve, life hasn't changed so much. The boys still including new people into their games and the immediate acceptance that come with it.

This is what life should be, the barbeques in the park, picnics and family games and good moods with smiles from strangers. Why is it these moments only happen on days like this? Days of unexpected sun and last minute plans. Why cant this feeling of benevolence and lack of prejudice and judgement be apparent throughout the year?

Thursday, 22 September 2011

Sometimes, I wonder, what if I run out of things to say?
What if I lose my voice, lose my ability to share my opinion?
What if my writing peters out into nothingness?
What if I never get recognised for my talent? Or what if I'm not even talented enough to be recognised?

These are the things I fear...

But to fear, is to disable yourself, to fear is to admit that there is something stopping you from achieving greatness, it is the recognition and acceptance that you may not succeed, that you may not fulfill your dreams. It is allowing yourself to step back, to be defeated, to let someone else take your spot in the limelight.

So if everyone fears, no one succeeds.
If everyone takes that step back, there is no one left to stand up, to step forward, to proclaim, 'I am not afraid!'
And if everyone took that step back, well we would have nothing, all those great minds, of peace, of love, creativity, talent, invention, and independence. All those minds would be disregarded, forgotten and left in the shadows.

Tuesday, 20 September 2011

And even though I had to wait that little while longer to feel your skin, lips, breath on my neck, and even though I won't be able to experience this love and affection for long, it is more than worth it.

These moments are fleeting, but when they come I am overcome by passion, and love, to feel you around me, next to me, to know that you are keeping me safe, for those few short moments, makes me the happiest girl in the world.

Tuesday, 13 September 2011

Is it possible that one could be, a mere entity, wandering this earth, their purpose in life, solely, to please?
What if there are people who are so malleable that they cannot hold onto one true persona, or one way of life; so they fluctuate, between minds, being what they are wanted to be? Being someone different, with each different person they encounter?

But they do not change in order to be accepted and liked, only to make those around them happy, in order to be the person each and everyone they encounter, can trust, depend on, talk to.

Is it possible that someone could live a happy, fulfilled life, never knowing who they truly are, because,

they aren't truly anything?

Or maybe,
just maybe,
their identity lies in the hands of the person they meet who means most of all to them, a lover, a friend, a relation??

Maybe they only find their true identity when they find this person, deciding that this person is everything they want, so they become everything he/she could ever want?

So maybe, the question: WHO AM I? bares no meaning in this context, because you will be, who you are told to be.

You will be everybody,

but you will be no one.

'The trouble was, I had been inadequate all along, I simply hadn’t thought about it.' - Sylvia Plath

Wednesday, 7 September 2011

So I have just been listening to Aloe Blacc - Green Lights, and it inspired me to write, as it's been a little while. So I'm just going to write about positivity and Aloe Blacc's ability to inspire and make people feel good.

In this song he describes, 'something special happened today', a series of events in which he was lucky. But it said something different to me, something along the lines of this; there's no need to sit around waiting for something special to happen, or your luck to change. Why not get up, and make that something special happen. It is up to us as individuals to create our own luck, to find opportunities and put ourselves out there, and even if we don't make it the first time over, as least we can take pride in the fact that we tried.

Life isn't about coasting through waiting for something to happen, it's about creating the world YOU want to live in, creating the person YOU want to be, so YOU can take pride in what YOU have and who YOU are.

Wednesday, 31 August 2011

By definition:
Humanity:
- The quality of being humane; kindness; benevolence
- All humans being collectively; the human race; humankind.

So by definition, humanity is acting human, pretty much. Looking over history and even current affairs, it is safe to say that humans have rarely shown benevolence and kindness. So how can we, rightfully, use the words humanity or humane in order to describe actions of love and kindness. It is so clear that humans have dark, animalistic, evil qualities, and it doesn't take much to trigger them.

For a word which derives from 'human' to have such positive connotations, it mystifies me. As we are in no way a positive race. Take a moment to watch this video, Chaplin speaks some very wise words on what we as the human race, as humanity, have become.

Friday, 26 August 2011

Truth be told, I do remember when you last said those three words to me. It was after a huge argument, and you felt the need to, in order to make everything better. I didn't buy it.

In a world where life slips away so easily, we do not have time to let those we love forget it. If we love, we must love completely, there is no room for in between or maybe's. We shouldn't need a stressful situation, or detrimental accident to prompt us into telling someone we love them. If there's nothing holding you back from telling this person, if there's no real reason as to why you don't remind them that you love them, why should it take so long? Why should it be so hard? That's not love.

You can live your life loving someone and never telling them, never reminding your parent, or child, or best friend, that you love them, but just think; what if something happened to them, or yourself, and you never got the chance to tell them you love them?

People always comment on how frequently those three words are used, and yes they are, and often they are not meant, but when they are, is it not nice to hear it? To say it? To see the face of the person you love light up at the thought of being loved?

Thursday, 25 August 2011

Is it just me, or is anyone else annoyed by people who pose with money. It's a terrible look.

Firstly, we all know that generally you must be broke, because if you weren't, this large wad of money you are displaying in your picture would be no more important than the rest of the bundles of money you are earning *cough*. You wouldn't need to display it to the world.

Secondly it just looks DESPERATE! If you want to show people you are rich (and you shouldn't need to, it's pathetic), then do it by splashing out on something subtle but classy. Holding money just screams 'LOOK AT ME!! IT'S MONEY!!'

When a guy approaches a girl and asks for her number, but she POLITELY turns him down, why is it a MUST for him to comment on her looks or sexuality; 'You're ugly anyway' or 'What, are you a lesbian?'

No sir. In no way does my lack of attraction and interest in you, change the way I look in the slightest, as I seem to recall only seconds prior you were drooling over yourself with your friends watching me. And, No Sir. In no way does my polite rejection of your (rude) proposition, indicate that I may 'play for the other team', I am just as heterosexual as I was before you approached me.

If you really wanted to get a girls attention in a positive way, how about approaching her WITH A SMILE (and your trousers hitched all the way up to your waist - where they are supposed to sit) and striking up a conversation. Maybe she will turn you down, (but she will be all the more flattered), or maybe she will respond and converse with you. Rather than asking for her 'digits', how about ending the conversation with a simple, 'maybe I'll see you around', and if she took interest maybe she would make the effort to show up in that general area in which you first saw her.

It's not too hard to make a good first impression, but a woman likes to feel wanted and special, trying to get her number and then insulting her when things don't go your way, is not going to cut it.

So my writing is generally quite 'deep', as people tend to call it. I guess I just have difficulty trying to write anything light-hearted, there's not really much out there. Maybe I can comment on the sun shining through my window, but that only draws my attention to the fact that I'm not out in it. Or how about the brilliant book I am currently reading and how I can lose myself for hours on end just delving into these fictional characters, but then I recall what the stories about and all the gore and horror and consumerism it addresses and then BOOM!! we're back in the deep end.

Try as I might I can't seem to get away from it, I'm not an unhappy person, so it shouldn't be a problem for me to address the beauty and positive aspects of thought, but it just doesn't happen. And, well, trying to force it, doesn't quite work for me.

I figure in time to come the positiveness will leap out and put itself in some sort of understandable format so that I can document it. Maybe it will happen tonight, maybe not. Maybe I will have something in the next few days.

During the time it takes however I shall continue blogging as I do and watching terrible rom-coms to bide the time.

Sad to see so many people getting excited about their D's C's and a 'few' B's for their GCSE results, and then believing they can 'take on' college. Passing GCSE's is not exactly the hardest thing to do, and when it comes to preparing you for A-levels, well simply put, they don't.

They are nowhere near as hard, they don't require half-as-much effort, and they need barely any 'private study'. The fact is, if your getting ready to breeze through A-levels just like you did with GCSE's, you're going to fail. Simple as.

It's all too easy to let the little things in life get you down. People always say think of those less fortunate than yourself, but I mean, really? Wouldn't that just depress me (if I wasn't already), no one wants to be irritated and then think of the terror in this world.

No.

How about thinking about what you really have, friends, family, lovers. The happy moments in your life. The fact that you have a roof over your head, or education at hand, the fact that you even have people to converse with. You have a voice.

Don't dwell on the little negatives in life. There are so many more great positives.

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

What is the world coming to?
A man will pull a gun out,
Close his eyes and put it to a head,
Open the eyes and let the blood spread,
Run away like the coward he is,
Blinks twice and realises he's a murderer,
He took a soul, a life,
Pulled the trigger, not once,
But twice.

With all of the inhumane activity taking place in the world, the riots, Gaddafi, and such like wars, I was beginning to lose faith in mankind. However, I saw a slight glimpse of greatness today; a man got off a bus unknowingly leaving his wallet on the seat, and another man noticed and handed it to him. This small gesture may not seem much, but it reminded me that there are good people out there, a lot of good people. Fair enough it doesn't even dare to compare to the injustice in the world, but it's nice to know that there is still good and humanity, and people willing to do the little things which may brighten another's day.

I have learnt over my few years living this life, that there are a lot of people who will try to knock you down, put you down, to make themselves feel better. Sadly, this will always be the case, and there will always be someone trying to take your place. Fortunately, there is a way around it. Confidence. If you don't believe in yourself, how can you expect anyone else to. The girl who teased you through high school, or the guy who played with your heart, they mean nothing, because they didn't notice the real you.

The only way to become something in this world, is to believe in yourself. Believe that you are beautiful, that you are smart, witty, and people will believe it to, because it all comes down to how we sell ourselves. 90% of what we say is through body language, if you hide your self in the corner or hang your head in the hopes that no one will notice you, well you are taking away your own voice.

Love yourself. Here's a little tip of my own, find three good things to say about yourself every morning, (they don't have to be the same three things), but three things you are proud of, that you love about yourself, and believe them. It can be anything, from the likes of 'I have a ridiculously high IQ', or even just, 'I have pretty eyes'. But believe it, and believe in you, and things will get better.

This is a short story in need of some serious work, but I thought I would post it anyway, just for the heck of it.

One morning I awoke with a burst of inspiration. The need to put pen to paper, to share my thoughts, with the world! With myself. The big question being what to write, I decided on a story, as well that’s what people do, isn’t it? They write stories and then they sell their stories and then people buy their stories. Well I thought, ‘If they can write stories, so can I!’ And that’s what I did.

Naturally, I began with a plot, as you do. Something big, memorable, new, fun, and oh so exciting. The kind of plot that sends shivers down your spine, that makes you want to savour every page, never wanting the book to end. Full of action, and heartbreak, the handsome hero humble in all his success and glory, the treacherous villain superbly defeated, the happy ending. The perfect story.

This tale, was one of complete excitement and joy. But.

The story was unoriginal, it was stereotypical and generic. So, I wrote a new one. Original, different, confusing, unemotional, unexciting, but so much more interesting. If you would like to read it.

For all the confusion and the world to make sense we must take a step back and observe. It is only when all the level headed minds come together, and this means ALL, can we make a change. All the big bosses running the world, need to take a step back and listen to the little guys who, daily, come face-to-face with the problems we are trying to solve. It is only when this happens that we will be able to make a change on a global scale.

The saddest matter of it is this: It will never happen. The hard truth is that the big bosses will never listen to us little people. Even when some little people move up, it will not be enough, because the world is corrupted, and those controlling it make all the decisions. If they wanted to they could prevent a majority of the horror taking place in this world of ours, but they allow it to continue for their own benefit. I am disgusted by my own race, to know that we allow all these things to happen.

Truth be told, I would rather be an ant, now that's teamwork and commitment.

We sat together and watched time pass us by. We watched as day passed into night, summer into winter. As the world around us, developed, devolved. Diminished into nothingness. But still, as time ended around us, as life as we knew it, came to decease, we were, side-by-side. We remained, changing only in order to grow stronger, to bind us tighter together in trust and matrimony, as we lost what we had once known to be life.

On this day, I learnt. In life and death, sickness and health, during turmoil and hardship, we will stand strong. Because you are my defining force in life, you give to me what no one, and nothing ever could. You have created for me a home. It has no set location, no formation, no build, no visible substance, but for us, we can feel it, and only we are aware. But this home protects us, I call it our Love.

In that moment, our bodies, our minds, become one. Your skin on mine, your lips searching for my own, so gentle as they press against me. I watch you so peaceful and calm laying in my arms, wondering what you're dreaming. I watch as your eyelids flicker, waiting for you to catch me watching, just so I don't miss that first smile of the day. Knowing that I've made you happy.

The naivety to think that the writers tormented and fragmented mind can be sorted into some sort of understandable order. For the brilliant mind was not created for that of understanding. It's purpose is not to sense make. It flows freely, bound only by what is put to page. Of course the writer runs the risk of losing brilliance without recognition in thoughts lost. But the brilliance of a writer be that none need know all those thoughts, all those sparks of genius. But that the ones they do know should be appreciated for their uniqueness, for the time put into each stroke of pen to paper.

She loved that man so much, too much some would say. She tried to give him everything, answer to every beck and call. She cooked for him, cleaned for him, made and did whatever he asked of her. But she hurt herself. That was her greatest downfall. Her man, he was good to her, treated her well, never left her wanting. But her torment and self-hatred was the death of her.

Love lies not only in the shared smiles
And the blush-worthy limerick of the young man with his heart stolen.
It lies not only in the run of her fingers
Through his hair and the curling of toes as lips meet.
It lies not only in the whispered 'I love you's'
Or stolen glances

Love lies here, in tears shed
And the gut-wrenching insults hurled from one lover to another.
It lies here in the moments when you fear you may lose them forever
And those terrifying words, 'We need to talk'.
It lies here in the cheating and betrayal
Where you find the love of your life has succeeded to do what you feared most.

This is where love lies.

Created from:
Love is not merely in the smiles you share, it is in the tears, along with the hurtful insults and the blush-worthy compliments. The good and the bad.

And I pour my heart out to you, let it flood the floor, spread slowly, engulfing all in it's path. Surrounding you, myself, I find myself hoping that somehow this will join us. That you will reciprocate my pain and longing. That my love will not be left unrequited, nor destroyed before my vulnerable self.

How is it I'm back to writing poetry, the confines of rhythm and rhyme never did appeal. I like the fluidity of prose. The abruptness of an end stop. Stop. It's that which draws my attention to writing, but poetry. For the ease of reading? Is not how I try to appeal to the reader. But the point clear and simple, with the message scrambled behind to be deciphered by the next man, woman, child, to take the page.