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July 25, 2011

Sucks So Good: True Blood 4.5, "I Hate You, I Love You"

This heat wave that has crippled most of the country has done bad things to me, mood-wise. The only thing getting me through was a new True Blood (and also the promise that the heat will break tomorrow. If it doesn't...so help me). After the jump, "I Love You, I Hate You"!

As soon as Luna told the story about skinwalkers, we all called it: Tommy was totally going to kill his parents and take advantage of the ability to shift into people. Well, the latter hasn't happened (...yet. It's seriously only a matter of time because this show's not exactly, um, subtle when it comes to foreshadowing) but the former did. After Joe Lee had Tommy chained up, Tommy overpowered him and eventually killed him. Unfortunately, when his mother tried to intervene to protect her absolutely loathsome husband, he killed her, too, and was immediately gutted by it. Marshall Allman sometimes does some really good work, and crying over Melinda's body was one of those times.

Although he hates Sam Merlotte's guts with an undying passion, Tommy hightailed it over to his big brother's to figure out what the hell to do next. Luckily, he got a calm, lucid Sam.

Tommy: I fucked up, Sam.Sam, surveying the corpses in the back of a van: I see that, Tommy.

And then the two were off on a body-dumping adventure. I guess that's one way to bond with your brother! Anyway, Andy, who is all hoped up on V and more needlessly antagonistic than he would be otherwise, pulls them over and insists on doing a search of Tommy's fan. The brothers have no idea how to get themselves out of this predicament. Well, Tommy has an idea. A terrible idea.

Tommy: I ain't going to let no cop take you down, Sam. I'll kill him first!

The kid kills two people and then all of a sudden he has a thirst for blood. It's like watching the saga of Michael Corinthos all over again.

Sam tries to be polite and reasonable with Andy, while the music goes all tense and scnees of Andy trying to peer into the van are interspersed with Tommy holding up an enormous shovel that would be just perfect for bludgeoning. But he winds up using his smarts for once and shifts into an alligator, which scares the hell out of Andy when he angrily opens the van up.

Speaking of alligators, they are fed Joe Lee and Melinda for dinner! Also, they like marshmallows, which I never knew. Not that I have any real cause to know anything about alligators, but I do like a good fun fact. Tommy is all torn up.

Tommy: It's in the Ten Commandments: Don't kill shit and don't fuck with your parents. I did both!

The kid is just spiraling with grief and guilt, and Sam tries to make him feel better, and winds up inadvertently confessing to that time he killed people during his DARK DAYS. I know that they have this big secret between them now, but I'd refrain from telling Tommy anything about...I'd just refrain from telling Tommy anything. All we'd talk about would be the weather or other vague pleasantries, and I'm sure that opportunistic jackass would still find a way to use my distaste for humidity against me somehow.

Arlene and Terry Have a Religious Experience

Like Dawson Leery before him, Terry Bellefleur knows that Steven Spielberg is an expert at all things. Specifically, ridding houses of evil spirits. So he suggests that they invite a priest over to rid their home of any bad juju. And luckily for us, he invited over Reverend Daniels (and Tara's mother, who is the new Mrs. Daniels), with hilarious results.

Terry: I like Reverend Daniels. They sing at his church. It's livelier. Plus, Reverend Skinner told me they don't do this sort of thing.

Oh, and sing they did! All sorts of lively jingles to keep the spirits away. Or, as Lettie Mae phrased it, "Bring good energy up in here". And for a few minutes, it seemed to work. Until a book of matches spontaneously went ablaze.

Road Trip!

Marnie's continued refrain of "I did nothing wrong. The vampires attacked us first. We may be witchy, but we're peacful" is tiresome, but it gives us some stellar Lafayette quips, so I'm sort of okay with this being a recurring feature this season.

Lafayette: Look, this kind of "dog ate my homework" excuse? It don't really fly with the vampires. Because they sniff that shit and then they eat you, like a fucking pot pie.

Marnie: The vampires brought this fight to us. We assembled peacefully, we were harming no one.Lafayette: That's some catchy shit for your headstone. Good night.

Lafayette and Jesus travel to Mexico to visit Jesus's terrifying grandfather. Why is he terrifying? Let this flashback from Jesus explain: when he was little, his grandfather gave him a goat, and he was so excited to have a pet. But no! He was forced to kill it and then lick the bloody murder weapon. Disturbing. But Jesus tells us that he felt something--a force, when he licked the knife, and whatever that was, he's going to need it to help in this big vampire/witch war.

Living Down To Stereotypes

Bill Compton, Mona Robinson and the rest of the universe were appalled to learn that Bill had been dipping his pen in the family ink. Portia? Not fazed in the slightest.

Not only is she NOT disturbed by the fact that she's sexed up someone with her DNA, she's done an upsetting amount of research on why incest is totally okay, and she rattles off all sorts of alarming incest factoids, to Bill, who is just scandalized (at her statement that incest is fine if it's between two consenting adults, he gasps, "Please do not think you have my consent!" I laughed and laughed) and he is eventually forced to glamour her into being terrified of him.

The Mystery Files of Sookie Stackhouse

I love it when Sookie is proactive and seeks to solve problems, so I was excited to see her pay Marnie a visit in order to read her mind and, possibly, figure out what the fuck is going on. When she brightly asks for a reading, she's almost immediately rebuffed, but when she starts babbling ("My two favorite TV shows were Sabrina and Charmed. God's honest!" So much giggling!), Marnie reluctantly gives into her and makes a connection with Sookie's gran. Sookie is taken aback at first, but when she starts to listen into Marnie's thoughts, she hears her grandmother tell her "This woman poses great danger" and basically urge her to haul ass, which she does, reasoning that if her grandmother tells her to run, she runs. Wise words!

Tara Thornton, Voice of Reason

Sometimes, Tara just makes sense.

She's in sort of a bad place this episode, since she found out that her girlfriend found out that her name is actually Tara, not Toni. She confesses the whole convoluted story to Sookie.

Sookie: All these years we've been friends, you never...?

Like me, Tara assumes that Sookie is making this all about her and Tara's lack of lesbian love for her (What? Like that sort of self-absorption would be surprising?), but she's just surprised that Tara's feelings for women have only started now. Tara, obviously enjoying the ice cream accompanied heart-to-heart they're having, confesses all of her pain, about hating her life and all of the lies she's told Naomi, while Sookie pointedly and obviously turns around several times to stare at Eric's cubby. She even urges Tara to go tell Naomi the truth in person, like, now but they're interrupted by Eric ambling out of his cubby all casual and pleasant. Tara fumes, Eric gets protective and Sookie tries to explain that Eric has changed but Tara is not having it.

Tara: I just poured out my heart to you and you talked about telling the truth and being honest. Meanwhile, you've got someone who wants to kill me in your basement? You're a fucking hypocrite!

The girl's not wrong! She should seriously try to make things work with Naomi and then never return to Bon Temps, ever, because it's just not healthy for her.

Bloody Adorable

Eric has a nightmare about Godric (I always love when we see Godric!), who urges him to drain Sookie and tells him that he's incapale of love, which stamps all over Eric's heart, since he's hoping that Sookie can redeem him. So he does what anyone would do: walks into Sookie's bedroom and tells her, pitifully, that he had a bad dream. And then the next time we see him, he's got bloodstained eyes and is all curled up in her bed, which is so adorable that I cannot even stand it.

After Tara's righteous rant of TRUTH, he's crestfallen and can't believe that he's done all of these horrible things like sell Sookie out to Russell Edgington, torture Lafayette, trick Sookie into drinking his blood. She tries to argue that she's always sense some decency inside him, lurking amongst the arrogance and the hot, but he still feels horrible.

Eric: There's a light in you that's beautiful. I couldn't bear it if I snuffed it out.

And then he leaves, dejected, in the manner of a forlorn Charlie Brown. But when Sookie chases him out and asks him not to go, the moment 'shippers have been begging for for years happens: Sookie kisses Eric! Let's see how Bill will ruin this (and ruin it, he will! Just keep reading).

I know I am obsessed and somewhat stalkerish, but doesn't it seem like we're not getting a lot of Eric these days? I realize that he's stuck at Sookie's and what can we really watch him do? Sleep and, like, take up knitting? Um...I'd watch that.

Dream A Little Dream of...Hoyt

Jason is coming to terms with the trauma of what happened to him in Hotshot. Recap: "I ended up in a shack getting repeatedly violated". He has finally started putting the pieces of his life together and has the epiphany that everything terrible that has happened to him is the result of his sexual history and a particularly vengeful God.

Unfortunately for Jason, even his dreams are about sex. After drinking Jessica's blood last week, he has a seriously sexy dream about her writhing all up on him, and once Dream Jessica confirms that it's a dream and he wouldn't actually be breaking his best friend's heart, he's into it. Just slightly weirded out by her refusal to stop talking about Hoyt who, all of a sudden, appears and gives us a hilarious play-by-play of the sexing.

Hoyt: She wants to taste you. She must really like you!Jessica: I want you in my mouth.Hoyt: She wants you in her mouth. That's really great...great, now she's moaning.

She even calls out Hoyt's name and then, all of a sudden, Jessica's not on top of Jason screaming out "Hoyt!", HOYT is on top of Jason screaming out "Hoyt!", which finally wakes Jason up. He is perplexed and horrified. I, meanwhile, cannot stop laughing. Well freaking played.

And Now, In a Completely Random Scene: Alcide

The pack leader of the Shreveport wolfpack comes to berate Alcide for not joining his pack. The end!

I'm not entirely sure what the point of this was, aside from confirming that Joe Manganiello looks seriously great in a tight white tank top.

Bill and Pam's Excellent (/Stressful/Hate-Filled) Adventure

Pam, as you might imagine, is pissed about losing her face and goes to Bill's in an over-the-top mourning ensemble.

Bill: Oh, good, the world needs more beekeepers.

Pam is in no mood for jokes.

Pam: I can put up with a lot, but you fuck with my face, it's time to die. And I'd like permission to torture and kill the mousy little bitch who cast the spell.

He reiterates that the AVL wants no humans killed, but he does have Marnie taken into custody (with some help from Katarina). Sitting alone in a cell, she has a flashback to another time a witch was in a cell--during the Spanish Inquisition in which a group of accused witches is broken up by three priests. Vampire priests, to be specific! Marnie is horrified to watch them feed on her.

Bill asks her about the spells she placed on Eric and Pam, and she claims ignorance, and even when he glamours her, he gets the same answers. He also wears a really bright red tie. I hope that they start dressing Bill in some ridiculous, hilarious ties, like the dorkiest teacher at your high school. Like, can't you see him with a Ziggy tie? I can.

Later, Bill (with Pam watching on the sidelines) asks the four remaining Louisiana sheriffs to his palace to warn them of the danger. One of the sheriffs helpfully exposits that this one time? A witch named Antonia was being burned at the stake and chose to go out in style: using necromancy to pull all of the vampires (who were living lives as priests and nuns) within 20 miles from their sleep into the broad daylight. Since his maker was one of the vampires killed, he wants to kill the witches. All the witches! Pam, who is violent and vain at the best of times, let alone when she has no face and her maker is in danger, is on board with this, but Bill reminds them that the AVL said no, and the True Death blah (he has said "The True Death" more times this season than I can bear to count) and Pam flips, arguing that Marnie is the one that deserves the True Death for rotting her face off and wiping out Eric's memory.

True except that OOPS, nobody was supposed to know about Eric's memory loss. What the hell, Pam? You're usually so much better at keeping secrets! Especially at keeping secrets from BILL; you threatened to disembowel Sookie if she went to Bill about this and you're the one who ends up spilling the beans? I know you have hardly any face left, but STILL! KEEP IT TOGETHER!

Bill, of course, is enraged and Pam finally confesses that Eric is at Sookie's. His face falls when he realizes that Sookie lied to him and he runs off (to cockblock again, some more). The sheriffs all stand around awkwardly like, "Again with this Sookie girl? Seriously? Can we...leave?"

What did you think, folks? Was this the return to fun form that I thought it was? Because I enjoyed it immensely and am now already anxious for it to be next week.

Comments

I like you can not wait until next week. I think my favorite line came from the fabulous Lafayette when after hearing the story of Jesus and the goat he said "O F#ck that bull sh#t we ain't going to see your grand daddy!" The show was just full of campy goodness from the sweet Eric who had a bad dream to Tara's crazy mama who put a song in my head that I can't get rid of. Tommy getting onto trouble and going to Sam then asking what are "WE going to do?" I can not wait until next week I hope Sookie uses her powers to zap Bill's behind and help Eric!

Mal, I starting reading this mid-episode, while I waited for the stream to buffer, but I have to say I am SO glad I stopped before I was spoiled on the Jason-Jessica-HOYT scene. Orgasmic Jessica morphing into Hoyt was so full of campy awesome, I had to scream out loud and watch that scene 3 times.

I feel for Tara, but I'm torn because I don't want her to go away. I totally agree that it would be typical Sookie to wonder if Tara ever thought of her sexually, but I find it even more telling that Tara claimed that Jason was her brother.

There might be something wrong with me because my first thoughts about Eric crying in Sookie's bed was that that quilt was probably generations old and it's a miracle he wasn't getting blood all over it.

It also scares me that I agreed with Portia's arguments and felt that Bill's response was an overreaction, both personally and politically. I mean, is it a smart idea to compel a potentially powerful human ally into being irrationally terrified of the King?

Sookie's comments about Sabrina, the Teenage Witch and Charmed being her favorite shows as a girl just made me feel old. I know that both Sookie and Anna Paquin are in their 20s, but she just looks so damn old to me (and with "everyone" claiming she's so beautiful) that I have to wonder if I look like I'm in my 40s.

Bill is becoming my favorite character. At first I thought Bill's reaction was overkill too, until I realized that it wasn't about incest. It's about the blood. Sex and feeding seem to be intertwined for vampires. If Bill had fed on Portia, it would be a little like eating his children, and vampires value their offspring. Portia by her own admission wasn't giving up. So I can see how Bill would want to keep her away permanently. The screaming might have been a bit much, though.