PHEAA Chief: Loans Cut From Budget

(HARRISBURG) – The head of the Pennsylvania Higher Education Assistance Agency today conceded that PHEAA actually stopped awarding college loans three years ago.

“With regular retreats, bonuses and all to worry about, loaning money to students in need just became too much of a distraction,” said President and Chief Executive Officer Dick Willey. “However, we haven’t ruled out the possibility of starting to award loans again in the future.”

Rep. Bill Adolph (R-Delaware), who chairs the agency’s board, says retaining top executives is PHEAA’s key focus right now. “We need to concentrate on paying their six-figure salaries for the time being,” he said. “Otherwise, we might lose them to somewhere like Sallie Mae, and then where would we be? We need to stay true to our mission of allowing these upstanding white men to keep their jobs.”

Adolph noted that PHEAA board retreats have become less lavish in recent months since coming under public scrutiny. “There’s been some belt-tightening. For example, we go with the Asian whores over the Swedish whores because they work cheaper,” he said.