Learning to Love the Skin You’re In

I’ve never had a great relationship with my body. Years of being bullied as a teenager and an unhealthy obsession with mainstream fashion magazines resulted in me constantly thinking I wasn’t good enough.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Yes I’m slim. And yes society as a whole sees my body type as ‘acceptable’, but I’m not talking about society, I’m talking about how I’ve felt in my body for years.

I was teased by family and at school when I was younger for being shy, for being a weirdo, for being too skinny, for being too tall & generally a bit ‘lanky’, which is hilarious as I’m only 5″6. But as funny as I now think it is, it wasn’t funny at the time. I spend a good part of my youth hating the way I looked, and trying to change it, or take ownership of it as much as I possibly could.

Like most teens I dyed my hair, I got tattooed, I explored punk, goth and vintage fashion, all in a bid to make me feel at home in my own skin. I honestly thought if I could be in control of what I looked like on the outside, I could change the way I felt inside.

I know that’s not the case. But it’s taken me a long time to get here.

Recently I came across some photos of our mini honeymoon, and I instantly thought how good I looked, how healthy and most importantly happy I looked. But you know the most upsetting thing? I remember thinking at the time I was too fat, that I wasn’t toned enough, that I didn’t look good enough.

Good enough for who?

Finding those photos was a wake-up call. It made me realise just how much my self-loathing was damaging my view of some of my happiest moments in life.

I’ve spent a lot of my adult life trying not to conform, I hated the thought of being like everyone else when I was growing up, and yes that stemmed from being bullied. I always thought if I was going to look different I may as well fully embrace it, a big fuck you to society. And yet here I am, worrying that I’m not skinny enough, that I don’t work out enough, that I need to look a certain way to succeed, that I’m not good enough. And I hate to say it, but recently Instagram has played a massive part in my self-loathing. Well no more.

I’m taking back control of my body, and yeah, I might not have a flat stomach, or a bubble butt, or be able to deadlift my body weight. But I’m me, in all my messy glory. I’m trying to appreciate what I have, and not let society dictate all the things that are wrong with me.

WOW YES this is such a strong and inspiring post!! I was just planning on posting a swimsuit-related post but did feel like my figure looked good enough? (god, typing this out makes me realize even more how toxic those thoughts are!). This post was such an eye-opener, thank you so much for sharing!! xxxx Yaroslava (ww.thevolcanicveins.com)