Everyone, Relax, It Was The Devil Who Made The Devil On The History Channel Look Like Obama

Last night on The History Channel’s The Bible miniseries, Satan made an appearance (above) and looked an awful lot like a certain secret Muslim turning America into a socialist butt sex factory. A similarity that Glenn Beck immediately noticed and tweeted about sparking a giant media shitstorm that I’m honestly amazed was surpassed by the Steubenville rape verdicts. So while speculation ran rampant all morning about why the producers would do such a thing and if it was red meat tossed to the show’s presumably conservative audience, creator Mark Burnett, who claims to have nothing but “respect and love” for Obama, finally set the record straight about what happened here. TMZ reports:

Burnett — a deeply religious man — tells TMZ … he believes there is a devil on earth. Burnett says the devil has stirred the pot and created a false likeness between Obama and the TV devil.
Why, you ask, would the real devil care about a TV show? Fact is … the show is HUGELY popular and is having a big impact on viewers. Burnett notes the show last night featured a face-to-face meeting between Jesus and the devil … BUT it’s not the first time the TV devil has appeared on the show. The TV devil appeared in the Garden of Eden scene awhile back and no one said anything.
Burnett believes the real devil is scared that Jesus has now entered the picture and is trying to distract from Jesus’ message by creating a false story.
Burnett says, “What could be more annoying to Satan than talking about Jesus?”

Phew, thank God. For a minute there, I thought this was a TV show blatantly pandering to its target audience, but fortunately it’s just another case of the unholy ruler of the underworld clouding our vision to further his nefarious agenda. In fact, if I rub my eyes, I’m pretty sure this is just Eartha Kitt. Not to mention, this is way better than The History Channel’s previous explanation that they hire Arabic-looking dudes to play Satanic characters all the time while casting beautiful, white Americans to play Jesus because everyone knows he’s from Kansas. Ha! Could you imagine if that were the case?

True dat. Even in communist China, officially atheist since 1949 people appear to prefer shark fins and rhino horns (or some body part from virtually any endangered species) to pharmaceutical grade boner pills.
Even without religion people are still complete dumbasses.

Nobody said anything about knowing everything. If you can’t engage in a forthright honest discussion of the topic you do a great disservice to your imaginary deity… who frankly expects better from you.

Hello there. Perhaps you misread that or are a little slow. Allow me to elaborate: The people who believe in space zombie or half-human/half-animal deities are the ones who claim to “know everything”. Those who reply on scientific inquiry realize that we do not and probably cannot know everything, but are interested in finding rational reasons for why things are. Furthermore, they are also devoted to testing the ideas of others to see if they stand up to said inquiry based upon methods developed over the centuries.

Maybe you missed the part where damned near every single solitary scientific discovery, ever, was made by an individual who possessed some degree of belief that there is something meaningful and worthwhile in holding onto some faith in religion. But yeah, keep up with the strawman arguments where if someone expresses any faith in their religion at all, we must ascribe to them a blind faith in every single literal word of the Bible.
You should watch that episode of ‘it’s always sunny in philadelphia’ where Mack breaks it down as far as the reality that whichever side of the religion / science argument you’re on, your beliefs are almost entirely dependent on blind faith in things you have no first hand knowledge of.

Honesty, if you had stigmata how many of you guys would attempt to squeeze your dick in the hole? Of course you would. If God didn’t want you to fuck that hole he wouldn’t have put it in reach of your penis.

I agree. I watched one episode and found they managed to take a book full of talking snakes, mega floods, war, famine, plague, pestilence, magical gardens, dudes with wings and flaming swords and made it all incredibly dull.

If you liked him great. I mean that. He didn’t work for me. It was the bone spikes and the odd paint job. They were a gimmick. He looked evil just to look overtly evil. I’d think the Sith which operate from the shadows would go for a subtle, unrecognizable look.

So y’all think some old haggard wrinkly dude looks like Obama, because they’re both black? Clearly, you liberal tools think all black folk look alike, but you think it’s the rest of us that have a problem?

You missed the mark there billyjoe: it’s cause the haggard wrinkly dude is half black and half white and was raised in Indonesia and Hawaii – AND is a secret muslim and has a fake birth certificate – that makes us think he looks like Obama.

Well if they do a scene with a brontosaurus, then the show will be showing something false as humans never existed alongside the brontosaurus. The brontosaurus never existed. Instead of the brontosaurus, there was actually the Apatosaurus. The show having jesus and the apostles meet the Apatosaurus will be correct thing to tell us about the true history of humans.