“A relationship is like couture — if it doesn’t fit properly, it’s a disaster.”

Since ‘Homeland’ has been on hiatus, I have to admit I am suffering from Carrie Withdrawal. Who would have thought that a mental illness could be so chic? My so-called Mathison life compares to the same feeling I had with the realization that ‘Sex and the City’ was truly over. I find it strange how a Carrie can have such an affect on your psyche. In that event, as I impatiently wait for Season 3 of ‘Homeland’ to start, I might as well binge on ‘Sex and the City’ reruns on Hulu. I have always enjoyed the straightforward approach of the dialogue, especially when it’s in the context of fashion. I honestly believe that SJP brought Manolos into mainstream vocabulary. So, in an ode to Carrie, here are a handful of my favorite fashionista-esque quotes that I like to call Sh*t Carrie Says and my Charmin-fresh commentary.

Carrie: When I first moved to New York I bought Vogue instead of dinner. I just felt it fed me more.

Me: When I first moved to New York, I took advantage of the Grey’s Papaya Recession special and read leftover Marie Claires and Cosmopolitans at the laundromat.

Carrie: I’m thinking balls are to men what purses are to women. It’s just a little bag, but we feel naked in public without it.

Me: It’s not just a little bag; it’s more like a Louis Vuitton limited-edition luggage set. Set being the operative word.

Carrie: Men I may not know, but shoes, shoes I know.

Me: No comment.

Carrie: You can’t be friends with a squirrel! A squirrel is just a rat in a cuter outfit.

Me: Little furry things are not cute in any urban landscape even if it is wearing a little Burberry scarf.

Carrie: Shopping is my cardio.

Me: Crossing a busy avenue when the counter is down to 3 forces me into a sweat.

Carrie: I fell. I fell in Dior.

Me: Poor thing, I never experienced that. But I totally wiped out right in front of everyone sitting inside Five Napkin Burger when the streets were so icy last year.

Carrie: I like my money right where I can see it…hanging in my closet!

Me: My wallet is bulimic.

Carrie: I have this little substance abuse problem…expensive footwear.

Me: I have several: Sephora VIB gifts, watching every Broadway show available on TDF, and Topman T-shirts.

Carrie: The odds of bumping into the one who broke your heart are incredibly high. The odds of bumping into him when you look like sh*t are even higher.

Me: That is some deep sh*t Carrie. TTYL!

And last but certainly not least, some memorable phrases from her BFFs…..

Charlotte: My marriage is a fake Fendi!

Miranda: You can take me out of Manhattan but you can’t take me out of my shoes.

Stanford: Oh, my God, she’s fashion roadkill!

Samantha: Hi, I need something that’ll make a guy cum in his pants as soon as he sees me.

So, if you have some Sh*t Carrie Says that I may have overlooked, then please share them in the comments.

Color often provides us answers to questions even before they are asked. Gold at a track event translates into a first place win, baby pink in the hospital means “it’s a girl,” and robin egg blue at a wedding suggests that the Mr. and new Mrs. are receiving a gift from Tiffany’s. But in Roman Catholicism, color does not only function on symbolism, it also paints a hierarchical picture — priests don black and bishops are cloaked in violet while cardinals (essentially bishops with additional privileges,) are swaddled in that iconic red hue. However, the most potent color emerging from that rainbow is colorless, or rather white, and this is limited to the Pope.

In physics, white is not considered a color; it is defined as a combination of all colors of the visible light spectrum. I believe it is quite metaphorical when interpreting religious symbolism thru a scientific fact. The Pope has multiple titles such as the Bishop of Rome, Parish Priest of la Basilica di San Giovanni in Laterano, and before being exalted the Supreme Pontiff, he was an appointed cardinal. Therefore, the Pope is a metaphor for all the religious hues represented in the church — he is the so-called light of the church.

In celebration of yesterday’s white smoke and the election of Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio as the newly crowned Pope, I think it is time for fashion heresy, since the dogmas already established are infallible. White has proven to be one of the biggest trends of the season, and it is a breath of fresh air in an industry that has been dominated by color, patterns, prints, and embellishments (leave that to the cathedrals.) White is pure and holy. It is a First Communion or a Virgin (?) Bride. It is the colorless color perfect for the Successor of St. Peter.

Photos: Swide.com – Dolce & Gabbana FW 2013-14 Accessories

Pope Francis, like St. Francis of Assisi, is a simple man, so he would be an ideal muse for either Maison Martin Margiela’s or Rick Owens’ SS 2013 collections. The former created a cassock-like liturgical gown perfect for a pope while the latter could offer him a blouson that would give him the illusion of a much needed waist. But these would be off-duty looks in comparison to his priestly vestments. During liturgy, Pope Francis could adorn Chanel’s Pre-Fall 2013 collection. Karl Lagerfeld has created a silhouette resembling a mantum, a pope’s long cloak, which would give him an imperial air. However, I think he would be more comfortable in the vintage Balenciaga Butterfly Evening Coat circa 1968 since it reflects his muy simple personality. A papal makeover would be incomplete without ornate regalia, and Dolce & Gabbana’s FW 2013-14 collection could accessorize the look with a golden crown and pectoral staff.

Photos: Yannis Vlamos / GoRunway.Com / Syle.com — Givenchy SS13

If I were to go all Rachel Zoe on the pope, I would definitely put him in Givenchy SS13 and bring him into the current century. There is something about religious icons printed on ethereal fabrics that would definitely give him some street cred. Besides, I was hoping that Riccardo Tisci, Creative Director of Givenchy, would be the next pope. But with the recent revelation that Pope Benedict XVI’s loafers were not made by Prada, I am not surprised. So, I would like to wish some words of wisdom from The Little Prince to the Prince of the Apostles: “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

In an era in which communication rests in the hands of social media, and words and sentences are cut short to a “how r u,” an “omfg,” or even a “#lifeisgood,” nothing makes a statement louder than fashion. “In other words” might be the best way to describe the Fall/Winter 2013-14 collection at Lanvin. Alber Elbaz may have avoided using Twitter altogether and instead has opted to evoke his message loud and clear through accessories. “Happy,” “hot,” “cool,” and also “help” were transcribed onto necklaces, brooches, and belts, and these fashion statements added a whimsical feel to the overall dark and mysterious mood of the show.

The collection opened with a black, multi-tiered and asymmetrical dress that was raw at the edges and accessorized with the words “happy” and “help” (these accessories reminded me of the “Carrie” necklace worn by a Ms. Bradshaw but on steroids.) The first look forecasted what would become a swarm of looks that flirted with the fun of fashion. Appliquédflowers blossomed on A-Line dresses and trousers, and beetles and butterflies attacked a bustier or a blouse. The presence of the creepy crawlers added a youthful feel to the collection, and Mr. Elbaz heightened the youthful theme with flat oxfords and edgy tomboy silhouettes.

Photo: Marcus Tondo / GoRunway / Style.com

Keeping with the dark mood of the show, the collection did not really emphasize color with the exception of a dark-fuchsia, floral print dress. If there was color, it was dark and earthy, or muted down to feel almost neutral in the swarm of black and grey that dominated the runway. Grey is proving to be once again the color of the season showing up on many Fall/Winter collections, and Lanvin has offered it in every variation from herringbone to fur. However, black was the dominant hue and emphasized in an array of LBDs (Little Black Dresses) flowing down the runway. Alber produced them in various lengths from the pleated to slit, A-line to column and necklines with various degrees of plunge representing women of various ages and personalities.

Photo: Marcus Tondo / GoRunway / Style.com

Overall, Lanvin’s Fall/Winter 2013-14 collection was a quieter show that made its statement through accessories. The clothing, raw and organic like the flowers and insects that decorated them, will definitely make their mark way into fashion editorials and onto street style blogs. So, as the editors tweet their Instagram photos from the front row i.e., @LANVINofficial #bugs #parisfashionweek, I will stop here to RT those messages. “K bye!”

Nothing could be more symbolic on the day of Pope Benedict XVI’s last Sunday blessing from his papal window than Cardinal Red blood spilling onto the Dolce and Gabbana runway. The blood was a metaphor for the dresses in that iconic red hue as the models marched out for the show’s finale. Although this Fall/Winter 2013-14 collection was inspired by the Cathedral of Monreale, one could not help but simultaneously think of the Pope’s last few days as Saint Peter’s successor.

The collection was once again an ode to Italy, Sicilia to be precise, Stefano and Domenico’s source of inspiration. This Italian region has proven to be the duo’s gold mine for ideas, and in the past they have taken everything from the peasantry to the kitsch and translated them into fashion success. For their Fall/Winter outing, they looked to the Cathedral of Monreale and literally extracted the mosaics from the walls transferring them onto everything from bags to tunics. In fact, the opening set of looks were romanticized versions of the cathedral’s relics; from the ecclesiastical iconography and mosaics on dresses to the Byzantine Cross in the form of earrings and pendants. The result: a fusion of wealth and Christian imagery.

Photo: Filippo Fiori / GoRunway / Style.com

Dolce and Gabbana also offered several subdued options in comparison to the gilded frocks that made an impression on the runway. A section of looks devoted to the color grey was transcribed by tweed and wool offering blouses, coats, and separates to those with quieter tastes. Following the grey period were the reappearances of the Sicilian black widows and the virgins in white that showcased the duo’s skilled lace handiwork.

In spite of all the beautifully crafted clothing that emerged from this collection, nothing was more powerful than the attire made in Cardinal Red. I find it interesting that the last model came out in a white icon shift adorned in a Byzantine crown and jewels only to be followed by a Holy See, or rather Sea, of red dresses as the finale. Dolce and Gabbana were quite literal in their Fall/Winter 2013-14 collection; the models in that religious red marched out of the show as if they were going into conclave. We know how the story ends: only one of them will return wearing white.

“These boots are made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do” was the vibe at the Pucci Fall 2013 runway show. The boots in question, a skin-tight, thigh-high made of the softest suede were Peter Dundas’ reiteration of the modern go go; I am pretty positive that these will be pounding the pavement come autumn. Boots aside, the super-sexy-chic collection had nothing new to say, because Pucci did what it does best — a 1960’s sexual time warp.

As soon as the first model stepped out and walked in those boots oozing sex appeal, the attitude for the show was in full gear. The collection was a celebration of the 1960’s and opened with a model wearing the aforementioned thigh-highs and an outfit of mixed prints — Pucci print skirt, zebra print belt, and a psychedelic print blouse articulated by sequins. Welcome to The Sixties! Hair and makeup mimicked that of Brigitte Bardot, the epitome of a sex symbol: long, straight hair with signature bangs and a flawless face made all the models crazy/beautiful. I am sure that most men would want their girlfriends to resemble a Pucci girl. No man-repellers here.

Photo: Monica Feudi / GoRunway / Style.com

The collection continued its ode to the decade with more hippie glamour that included psychedelic tunics and fringe on bags, coats, and dresses. Jackie O who was catapulted into the limelight in the early 60’s seemed to have also influenced one of the looks in Dundas’ collection — a blue, double-breasted trench that would have gone well with her pillbox hats and Chanel suits. Baby Pink, a color immortalized by the former Mrs. Kennedy, also popped up on several looks adding bold color to the collection. My personal favorite was a fur coat dyed in that Baby Pink shade. One last important trend of The Sixties that made its way onto the runway was mod, and Lindsey Wixson did her best Twiggy pout impression in a turtleneck, hot pants, and a beret.

Photo: Monica Feudi / GoRunway / Style.com

Silhouettes such as hippie and mod and icons like Bardot and Jackie O have established the 60’s as one of the most fashion forward decades of the past century. It was a time of conflict and progression, and it is symbolized in the individual trends born from the decade. Peter Dundas captured the best of what The Sixties had to offer in a young and sexy Fall 2013 collection for Pucci. Everyone from Hollywood Starlets to Russian princesses will be adorned in these clothes. And although bell-bottoms were absent from this collection, I do not think anybody cared, because all of the garments were hemmed above the knees. This show was all about legs, legs, and legs and maybe the boots that were made “to walk all over you.”

There is no doubt that Prada’s Fall 2013 RTW collection was influenced by Hitchcockian elements. From the dark shadows cast onto the walls to the presence of platinum blondes — Aline Weber and Juliana Schurig were perfectly cast as femme fatales. But the show did not entertain terror, instead it brought to the surface a melancholic feeling on the brink of despair. As an ardent New York theatregoer, my mind is trained to participate and empathize with the protagonist, thus forcing everything else into a blur. In the case of Miuccia’s Fall 2013 collection, the clothing became secondary to the models/actresses in the show. Do not get me wrong, everything was quintessential Prada: modern, glorious, and a buyer’s dream, but what Ms. Prada manufactured at best was an emotional dialogue to the audience.

Photos: Marcus Tondon / In Digital / GoRunway / Style.com

Though I saw the show during the livestream, I am sure it was much more impactful in the flesh. I could only imagine the tell-tale hearts of some of the observers beating loudly under that wood-paneled runway as the models walked out to a soundtrack that only amplified the suspense and drama. For me, the Prada girl is one of mistaken-identity. Miuccia Prada was quoted to having said: “Romanticism is forbidden.” Although I am a Pisces, I am afraid she is right. Most of the models reminded me of a girl who was probably having an affair with a married man, and she was left in the rain after one last rendezvous in the backseat of a town car. The styling from the unzipped and unbuttoned garments to the wet hair and the larger-sized bags suggested the concept of the other woman. I know it is quite literal, but I want and need to discover why “Romanticism is forbidden.” Other models seemed more tailored and together like a housewife, while others looked like the so-called other woman attempting to assimilate into the role of a housewife.

Photos: Marcus Tondon / In Digital / GoRunway / Style.com

Even if the clothing is the supporting cast of this show, it is a super collection in that each garment and accessory will most likely be picked up by every buyer in attendance. The collection had perfectly tailored coat dresses and separates in crocodile leather and tweed with hints of metallic, and dresses with modern hems layered on top of sweater-like henleys. One luxe urban look in particular, a red leather skirt paired with a teal sweater and a chestnut fur coat, brought to mind Carrie Bradshaw. However, it seemed she just had a goodbye with Mr. Big. If Miuccia’s intention was terror, then she succeeded because Romanticism is definitely forbidden in this collection; a scary thought for a Pisces.

Today, as I blow out the candles to another year, I find that my phobia of big numbers rising exponentially — thank goodness I’m not a math geek! Though I do look quite young, increasing numbers outside of a bank account are just no good. Waist size and cholesterol, cavities and parking tickets, oh my! Some things are just best to maintain at lower levels. Like fashion, I am becoming more youth obsessed and find myself retreating to Hulu Plus to watch “My So Called Life” and Saturday morning cartoons just to hold onto bits of my childhood. But even if I have graduated to watching “Homeland,” (Claire Danes’ Carrie Mathison is soooo cray-cray good), I believe that fashion still sees her as Angela Chase. Fashion has always had a fascination with youth, from models to bloggers (tweeting Tavi Gevinson), and it has become quite obvious with all the kindergarten themed apparel and accessories out on the Island of Misfit Toys.

For me the trend began during the Fall/Winter 2012-13 runway shows of Comme des Garçon and Jeremy Scott. Rei Kawakubo sent what looked just like paper dolls down the runway, while Mr. Scott’s models paraded around in a collection inspired by Bart Simpson meets Rainbow Brite and My Little Pony. Well, I did love “The Simpsons,” and I remember Rainbow Brite cereal tasting a lot like Fuity Pebbles. Since I was always running and jumping in the house, my mom nicknamed me “Pony” until I was about six-years-old. Perhaps I too belonged on the Island of Misfit Toys; a little boy called Pony is equivalent to a Charlie in the Box or a Spotted Elephant.

In my mind, the Barney’s ‘Electric Holiday’ campaign engraved that toys are not only for tots, they’re also for grown-ups. In the video, editors and fashionistas effortlessly assimilate into the world of cartoons. It is hard to believe that some of them are actual people (tweeting Anna Dello Russo.) In fact, Alber Elbaz who is also featured in the campaign is once again asked to design a new Lanvin dress for Minnie Mouse to wear to Disneyland Paris’ 20th Anniversary. WWD reports that Mickey himself contacted Alber. Who could say no to the Big Cheese?

Lanvin is not the only French house that has a play date with toys. Chanel has reimagined hula-hoops and Legos as clutches and minaudières. These accessories really defy convention, and since toys are manufactured to ignite a child’s imagination, Chanel’s by-products of childhood are successful examples of the trend. In fact, the hula-hoop bag playfully made its street style debut during the recent NYFW. While we’re still on the subject of NYFW, I find it funny that prior to the shows at Lincoln Center, the fashionistas could be mistaken for misfit toys, or rather clowns, by a passerby instead of editors or bloggers. Fact: the Big Apple Circus is in the exact location as Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week. BryanBoy better start practicing his trapeze act.

Photos: 1. Louis Vuitton Checkerboard Pump; 2. Chanel Lego Minaudiere

In some cases, fashion designers produce actual toys like a chess set (Prada) or a teddy bear (Alexander Wang), or they can be influenced by the chess set (Louis Vuitton checkerboard print bag) and teddy bear (Jeremy Scott Sneakers.) On the other hand, designers like The Blonds brought an iconic toy to life when they styled their models to look like Barbie for their SS13 collection. My favorite fashion/toy/cartoon fusion is the Pokemon x Fashion Tumblr. Francis Phommisai seamlessly integrates Pokemon characters into fashion editorials. I wonder if Pikachu is signed with IMG models.

Photo: Francis Phommisai / pokexfashion.com

After the candles have been put out of their misery, I wish for eternal youth even though I know it is as unlikely as me carrying the hula-hoop bag around the city. So as fashion holds onto the ankles of its childhood, I hold onto the fullness of my hair and the tightness of my skin before gravity kicks in and I am shipped off to the Island of Misfit Toys. After all, Forever 21 will only and forever be just a store.