Search form

Search

Todd

Contributor

Todd has been a slave to the horror genre for as long as he can remember. After cutting his teeth on late-night Cinemax schlock and the low-budget offerings found on the classic USA program "Up All Night," our hero moved valiantly into the world of sleazy obscura, consuming the oddest films from around the world with the reckless abandon of a man without fear or reason. When he isn't sitting mindlessly in front of a television set, he can be found stuffing music, video games, and various literary scribblings into his already cluttered mindscape.

If you ever want to really cheese my goat, all you have to do is mislead me. For instance, when I sat down with first-time director Daniel Maze's thoroughly disappointing convenience store slasher "Cornered!", I expected to see some direct-to-video shenanigans featuring "Police Academy" alumni Steve Guttenberg. After all, he does receive top billing, which is generally a clear indication that said individual will have a prominent role in the film.

As a skinny, socially awkward child, yours truly was pretty easy to scare. It may be extremely hard to believe, but it's certainly the truth. I have a very vivid memory of waiting in line for The Haunted Mansion at Disney World, my heart racing with terror, my forehead soaked in sweat. When the doors finally open and the gaggle of suburbanites were herded inside, my parents were convinced I was on the fast track to an adolescent heart attack. Of course, I survived the ride with my hide intact, though my tender pride and dignity did take quite the lashing that summer.

In this day and age, it's very rare for a horror movie to scare me. Having spent nearly two decades consuming just about every genre-related motion picture I could get my pathetic little hands on, I've become almost completely desensitized to the things that go bump in the night. Jump scares are still occasionally effective, though I don't necessarily believe this particular gimmick to be a true measure of a scary movie's effectiveness.

Over the past twelve months, yours truly has become somewhat obsessed with the gory, madcap action flicks streaming like mutant schoolgirl diarrhea from the inky black depths of Japanese cinema. What began as a passing interested has suddenly transformed itself into a full-blown fanboy crush, an admission that isn't without its embarrassments. I'm insatiable, and my desire to consume all manners of hyper-violent insanity has forced me to turn my twisted interests elsewhere in search of satisfaction. After all, you can only suckle at the same teat for so long before the milk runs dry.

Lovecraftian is a term that gets thrown around a lot to describe an intellectual property that has been heavily influenced by the work of bizarre fiction author H.P. Lovecraft. It's a word I use sparingly, especially since I happen to be a very hardcore and very nerdy Lovecraft fan. If I told you how many times I've read the countless short story collections I have tucked around the house, you might label me as obsessive, or, worse yet, a deranged shut-in that needs to spend some time outdoors every once in a while. To keep such negativity away from my tender feelings, I'll just declare myself a rabid fan and be done with it. Moving along at this point is highly recommended.

Whenever I find myself wrapped in the sticky mucus membrane of anticipation, I tend to worry that I'll let expectation and unchecked fanboyism overrule my ability to objectively review the experience. As you well know, becoming weirdly obsessed with an upcoming movie can ultimately derail your enjoyment, especially if you allow yourself to get sucked into the well-oiled Hype Machines that continuously feed Internet-addicted film fiends with an endless supply of images, posters, trailers, and unnecessary hyperbole.