A zitiron, a mythological sea knight with the lower body of a fish, the weapons of a knight, and the washboard abs of a man. The head and face are covered entirely by a helmet. It could look like pug for all we know.

Ask your friends and family to say this phrase out loud, repeatedly, as fast as they can. If they cannot, then they are Lizard People sent to overthrow the Earth’s governments and form a New World Order. Try this test for everyone you meet.

Dickensian without the occasional lucky coincidence. It’s the hole in your purse that empties into the parallel universe populated entirely by dryer socks. It’s the word DOOM spelled out in wooden nickels.