We talk about the important of writing and telling birth stories here at TRC on the reg. They help inform our culture of the breathtakingly wide range of normal birth, they help us process and place this life-changing event into the larger context of our lives and they help us introduce our offspring and our newly-minted parental identities to our Village. But I never said it was easy.

I know there’s a lot going on in those early days of parenting and the details of birth fade surprisingly quickly so use this tool to help jog your memory back to those moments; the good, the bad, the triumphant, the dark, the grueling, the beautiful, and the joyful ones.

This list just gets you started so take it and run with it because this is your story, baby.

Birth Story Timeline Prompts

PREGNANCY

What was my pregnancy like?

What were the joys?

What were the challenges?

How did my body change?

What was I concerned about?

How did I prepare for labor, birth, and postpartum?

What did I learn about myself?

EARLY LABOR

What was the time between the end of pregnancy and the beginning of pregnancy like for me?

How long did this stage last?

Where was I and what was I doing when labor started?

What did those first moments feel like?

How did I cope with early labor?

What was it like to tell my partner?

What was it like to call my provider/ doula?

How did I feel as we moved to our birth location?

What was the car ride and transition like?

If induced, what was it like to make that decision? How did the process start?

What was triage like?

ACTIVE LABOR

How long did this stage last?

Who was in attendance? When did the members of my birth team join me?

What did the contractions feel like?

What positions did I use most?

What mental or emotional techniques helped the most?

What physical coping skills helped the most (breathing, vocalizations, movements)?

What tools did I use (TENS, birth ball, tub, shower)?

What coping tools didn’t work this time?

What were cervical checks like? How did it feel mentally or emotionally?

Was progress deemed quick or slow and how did that label feel?

Did we use any medication or tools to change my labor pattern?

What was the most physically intense part of labor?

What was the most mentally or emotionally intense part of labor?

What kind of pain management did I use and what was the decision like? What was the process like? Were there any side effects?

What were the other symptoms of labor (vomiting or nausea, back pain, shaking)?

How did my team encourage me?

When did I feel most connected to my baby or partner?

What did I eat or drink?

When did I rest?

What did I wear?

Was there music playing or ambient sounds?

Did we have oils diffusing or other scents?

What was the hardest decision I made?

How did my baby cope with labor?

PUSHING AND DELIVERY

How long did this stage last?

How did pushing start?

What did pushing feel like?

What was going through my head as I pushed?

What position(s) did I push in? Birth in?

Who was present for delivery?

How did my birth team encourage me?

Did we have any interventions during pushing (oxygen, episiotomy, vacuum)?

CESAREAN BIRTH

What was it like to make the decision for a cesarean birth?

How did it feel emotionally or mentally?

What was I thinking as I prepared for surgery?

What was the atmosphere in the OR?

Who was present for delivery?

How did my birth team encourage me?

How long this stage last?

IMMEDIATE POSTPARTUM

What time was birth?

What was it like to meet my baby for the first time?

What was my partner’s reaction?

What was the first thing I said after birth or to my baby?

Who cut the baby’s cord?

What did my baby look like? Sound like? Smell like? Feel like? What was any skin-to-skin time like?

In a culture as widely devoid of postpartum ritual like we are here in the United States writing and sharing our birth stories begins to fill that gap of how we introduce our children and our new identities to our Village. Not only is our culture desperately in need of hearing and celebrating a wide range of normal human birth, but telling our stories is helpful for processing this single vivid experience that changes our lives forever.

Have you ever wanted to write your birth story but felt stuck or overwhelmed? Use this guide to break it down into manageable steps.

How to Write Your Birth Story

1. Do it as soon as you can. I know, there’s a lot going on as brand new parents but the details fade surprisingly quickly. That said, it’s never too late to get started. Partners, too, should take the time to write out the story from their perspective, but try not to corroborate stories at this stage.

2. Get in the headspace. Quiet moments are hard to come by when you have a newborn but eliminate distractions while you do this. If it feels safe to return to the birthroom in your memory you can let your senses help by cranking your labor playlist, sniffing the oil you had diffusing, and have a calming cup of tea nearby. Be prepared to feel strong or conflicted emotions and be gentle with yourself.

3.Write down as much as you can as quickly as you can. This is a rough draft so don’t worry about the storytelling, or getting the timeline and details perfect, just get the bulk of the story down onto paper. Focus on the big moments and how you felt. Dictating to someone or a talk-to-text app is a great way to get it out hands-free.DON’T judge. This is important. Let the story come as it will and try not to judge actions or feelings along the way just get it out. Write about the good, bad, ugly, beautiful, scary, triumphant, grueling, dark, powerful and the joyful parts. Take as much time as you need between this step and the next.

4. Enlist other perspectives. Yours is the most important story and you do not need to include the input of others. But asking your partner, your provider, your doula, your birth photographer or others for their viewpoint can lend missing context to your own experiences especially when it comes to nailing down blank spots in your timeline. Phone calls, text messages, your contraction timer and photo timestamps can help, too. You might also consider asking for your medical records. Add any details you want to your notes but keep in mind that you are not required to change your truth based on anyone else’s perspective.

TIP: Consider asking a member of your birth team ahead of time to write down the times of important moments during labor as long as it doesn’t distract them from supporting you.

5. Reflect. Spend time thinking about how you felt during all the key parts of labor, about the birth in the context of your pregnancy, the immediate postpartum, your relationship with your partner and your experience as a parent. Where were the highs and lows? Use our Birth Debrief to guide you through reflecting on your birth. Again, don’t judge and be so very gentle with yourself.

6. Collect and edit. Now bring it all together. Start with a timeline of events, use our Birth Timeline Prompts to help jog your memory. Take all of the details you’ve gleaned so far and edit, clarify, and piece it all together. Add as much or as little detail as you want. This step can take as long as you need.

7. Share, but only if you want. As much as our culture needs real, normal birth education no one is owed the story of your baby’s arrival and your birth into parenthood, so share only as you desire and feel safe doing so. Ultimately, this story is for you and your benefit.

When I was pregnant with my eldest all I could think about was the moment when I was going to meet my baby for the very first time. The daisy-chain of days leading up to that moment were in sharp focus in my imagination while the weeks and months after that glorious moment were little more than a hazy blur. I had carefully planned my steps leading to birth, but it turns out that I didn’t know how to walk away from it.

One of the things I’m passionate about as a doula and childbirth educator is not only to help families prepare for birth, to climb that brutal and beautiful mountain along side them, but to walk with them down the other side into life after birth, too, because birth is only the beginning, baby.

Just as you would debrief after completing a project or an event, new parents need a safe way to process this massive occasion in their lives. With most postpartum care in the US currently limited to just one or two check-ins with your provider we wanted to create a tool to help guide families through the process.

This tool is not designed to change your perspective of your birth, necessarily, but to help place it in the larger context of your life and psyche. While it can be a helpful guide for beginning to write your birth story it’s less about creating a narrative or storyline, and more about embracing our feelings about the day our children were born, even when those feelings aren’t very pretty.

Give yourself a chunk of quiet, uninterrupted alone time to do this exercise. Expect to feel complicated or conflicting emotions, so go slow and be extra gentle with yourself. Use this tool to process a recent birth, to begin writing your birth story or to reflect on previous births in preparation of a pending one.

Birth Debrief Reflections

What was my pregnancy like? What were the joys and challenges?

How was labor different than I was expecting?

Is there anything I wish I could have done differently?

What was the most physically challenging part of labor?

What was the most mentally or emotionally challenging part of labor?

What coping tools worked best for me?

What coping tools didn’t work for me this time?

What was the hardest decision we made?

When did I feel most connected to my partner or baby?

How did my birth team support me well?

Where did I not get enough support?

What is one thing I wish I would have said to my birth team?

When did I feel powerful?

When was I proud of myself?

One funny moment was …

What was it like to meet my baby for the first time?

How was it different than I imagined?

What is one thing I know now that I wish I knew before labor?

What was the immediate postpartum like?

How was I supported well?

Where did I not get enough support?

What did I learn about myself?

In what ways did this experience change my relationship with my partner?

Is there anything I would choose to do differently if there is a next time?

We didn’t forget papas and partners, who need to process their birth experiences, too, especially when our culture gives them so little encouragement to do so.