Occasionally I put a damper on a column. What I mean
is, sometimes I pick a topic because I think I'll have
fun writing about it, but then I write about it and
turn it into a sermon with a compulsive need to
mention "the government." I hate when I do this. I
found it hard to make fun of last year's election, for
instance, without thinking: "Oh, _if_only_ this were a
laughing matter." The problem is, I'm supposed to make
a point every time I write an article. And it's hard
to make a point without reading into things. Just
once, I'd like to write about something important
without trying to say something important about it.
Just once. Just for fun.

The reason I'm telling you this isn't because you give
a damn, or because I'm on some crazy glasnost and
perestroika kick, but because the topic I've chosen
this week is something so incredibly cool that it
kills mekills meto think I'm going to have
to make a point about it. Why? Because its
implications are so potentially far-reaching that I
fear there's no way I can make a point without ruining
it for both of us.

I am talking, of course, about Google Maps.

Last week, Google introduced satellite images to its
map database. That's right. Satellite images. So now,
when you look up an address, you get an aerial picture
of it. I don't think you understand how groovy this
is. It's so groovy that I whipped out the word
"groovy" just to prove it. Granted, we're not talking
live satellite images here. They're still-shots, and
supposedly they're a year or two old. But still. I
don't even care if this thing has an actual purposelike
looking up directionsanymore. I spent an hour
just staring at the top of my house last Wednesday.
And as we speak, I'm sitting in my house and looking
at my house at the same time. That's freaking awesome.
It's melting my mind just thinking about it. If you
don't believe me, check out maps.google.com and plug
in your own address. Go on. Try it. I'll be here with
Qtips when you get back.

Google Maps is now officially the greatest thing since
sliced bread. In fact, it's greater than sliced bread.
Sliced bread is overrated. Google Maps is officially
the greatest thing ever. Except the bible. And beer.
And maybe the theme song to Perfect Strangers. But
other than that.

This brings me back to the point I was making about
making points. There was no question in my mind that I
would write about Google Maps this week. How could I
write about anything else? (Literally. I was too busy
zooming in and out on distant cities to pay attention
to the news.) But now that I've gone with this story,
I find myself facing the inevitable question: Do these
satellite images constitute an invasion of privacy?
I've been dreading this part of the article. It's just
such a bummer.

The obvious answer would seem to be "yes" here.
There's a real Big Brother flavor to this technology.
In fact, it has CIA ties. And while the images aren't
close up enough to see people walking around naked in
their backyards (not that I looked...), there's still
something eerie about it. I mean, this is just the
first step. Who knows where this will take us?
Eventually, these still-shots will probably evolve
into real-time streaming media for the whole world to
see. Suddenly you and I will be subject to review by
any two-bit punk in Wyoming logging on to find the
quickest route to his neighborhood Sears. That's
creepy. Make no mistake.

But at the same time, maybe this isn't an invasion of
privacy after all. Maybe it just feels like one.

If a guy in Council Bluffs, Iowa, can check out my
roof, so what? I don't love the idea that he's
watching me. I'd certainly kick him off my lawn if he
walked up with a camera. But anyone with a plane or a
helicopter can see the exact same thing he can see on
Google Maps. Granted, not everyone owns a plane or a
helicopter. But not everyone's going to look up my
home on Google Maps, either. There's sort of a balance
there.

Maybe Google's new service will lead privacy advocates
to think vertically. Maybe it'll lead property rights
advocates to do the same. Maybe, if we're lucky, it'll
lead us to focus on what's inside our homes instead
of everyone else's. Or maybe you'll forget Google Maps
altogether after reading this uniquely self-aware
article. (Don't. You should seriously try it out.)

Airespace VP Alan Cohen once remarked that, "Google,
combined with Wi-Fi, is a little bit like God. God is
wireless, God is everywhere, and God sees and knows
everything." If nothing else, these satellite images
certainly give us a God's-eye-view. I'm pretty sure
that'll make some people uncomfortable. Personally,
I'm more concerned with traffic cameras, forced mental
screenings, military conscription, and Congress's
growing obsession with athletes' urine than I am with
that dude in Council Bluffs. But I can see the other
side. So if it's Big Brother that worries you here, or
just somebody's little sister, look at it like this:
At least Google Maps lets you watch them, too.

Imagine that: A checks-and-balances system and a fun
way to kill an hour staring at your own house. Neat.

Jonathan David Morris writes a weekly column for The
Aquarian and other publications. His website is
www.readjdm.com, and he can be reached at
jdm@readjdm.com.