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Game of Thrones S6 E9 – “Battle of the Bastards” (Spoilers)

Of course, you already knew. The fans of the show would’ve thrown the biggest bitch fit in the history of bitch fits if the writers killed him, again.

So let’s take a step back because the battle of the bastards wasn’t the only event to take place during last night’s episode.

Queen B herself Daenerys watched from the pyramid as her city was being attacked before she listened to Tyrion give excuses as to why the city is in great shape even as its being pummeled by their enemies by sea.

Tyrion suggests that Dany take a stance different from her father the mad king and not destroy cities full of innocent people. A parle is arranged between #teamstormborn and #teamslavemasters. The slave masters arrogantly and smugly suggest that Dany leave the city and destroy her dragons, turning over the city to its rightful owners the slavers (do they not know who she is?) and she gives the best reply ever! This bish hops on her dragon and proceeds to light shit up with the help her female dragons (who Tyrion freed a few weeks back).

Grey worm gives the slave masters guards the choice of dying for their masters who would never die for them or go home, of course they chose the latter. Tyrion then proceeds to tell them they have to choose one of the three to die, and their punk asses choose the poorest of the slavers, Grey worm slices the throats of the two richer slavers and Tyrion let’s home boy know he needs to go home and tell his squad what happened and that they should think twice before fucking with Queen B.

Yara and Theon show up finally and form an allegiance with Dany, after Tyrion tears Theon a new one for joking about his stature back in Winterfell. In the end they agree that it makes sense for them to be in “business” with each other.

On to the good ish…

Ramsay, Jon Snow, Sansa, Ginger Beard, Sir Davos and Baby Lady Lyanna meet up to negotiate. Of course Ramsay is smug and arrogant, Jon suggests a battle between the two leaving the soldiers out. Ramsay’s punk ass wasn’t having that, so off we go to figure out how two thousand men can win a battle against six thousand men.

Sansa explains to Jon that Ramsey is a monster who loves to torment and play with his prey before putting it out of its misery, Jon doesn’t understand what she wants him to do, it is what it is, they don’t have the men (or at least he thinks so, she’s keeping secrets and shit) this takes us to the battle field.

Ramsay comes through on his horse pulling something behind him, that something is Rickon Stark. He tells Rickon to run to his brother, as Rickon begins to make his way to Jon, Ramsay pulls out his bow and arrows and begins playing his game of cat and mouse. (now the plan was for Jon and his army to get Ramsay and his army to charge them which gives them a tiny leg up strategically for the battle) of course Ramsay is diabolical and forces Jon’s hands, he sees what Ramsay is doing and hurry’s off on his horse to try to get to Rickon before one of Ramsay’s arrows does.

A las Rickon is DEAD! (two stark boys left Brann and Jon) of course this forces Jon Snow to do Jon Snow shit because, Jon Snow. He races towards Ramsay, to do what I don’t know. Sir Davos yells for the men to follow their commander, Ramsay has his men let off their arrows, Jon’s horse is hit, he falls off as Ramsay’s men charge towards him. We’re thinking death is eminent for Jon fo sho! His men come charging in behind him, they fight hard as shit but its a bloody massacre even with the big ass giant.

Ramsay’s men obviously over powers Jon’s men and surround them, there’s a minute where we think Jon is going to kick the bucket again. He’s trampled and buried under the feet of his men as they try to retreat, he miraculously pulls himself up to see Sansa, Little Finger and the Knights of the Vale come to the rescue!

Fight over, bitch ass Ramsay runs to Winterfell (of course), the giant crashes through the gate, he dies after getting hit by a gang of arrows, the final blow coming from Ramsay. Then ole boy has the balls to ask Jon for a fair one, of course Jon fucks him up but he leaves him for Sansa.

I have to say I’m super proud of Sansa, after having words with Ramsay she feeds him to his dogs who for some reason he thinks won’t eat him even though he proudly announced that he hadn’t fed them for seven days. She watches for a few seconds then walks away with a smile on her face as Ramsay screams in the background.

All in all the battle was everything I expected, bloody, bloody, bloody and bloody.

Sir Davos found Stannis’ daughters remains, which leads us into what I think is going to happen next week. He’s definitely going to seek justice and a little revenge for the Red Witches part in her death. I think this is going to leave Jon in a peculiar predicament considering she did bring him back to life.

Cersei and Sir Loras’ trial’s are to take place, hopefully we see Arya and Brann return to Winterfell. I’m thinking something awesome is going to happen to Walder Frey, or at least I’m wishing for it. I think Little Finger is going to try to seduce Sansa, it’s like two seasons in the making, he was obsessed with her mother before she died. I’m sure he has something up his sleeve.

What did you guys think? Are you sad the season is drawing to a close? Can you wait a year for the return? Will you be binge re-watching the season like me to see if you missed anything? Let’s chat in the comments section below.

I loved the way Dany handled the guards, and definitely the way she just swooped down and set fire to everything… leaving her three friends to explain that one of the dudes had to die. I think Tyrion said it pretty well – “It always seems a bit abstract doesn’t it? Other people dying.” It really summed up how removed from reality the ruling classes can sometimes be… on the show, and in real life. I was really hoping that there would be a Yar/Nerys alliance, so I’m glad they had intersecting interests and a few family issues in common.

The battle of the bastards was really bloody! I’ve gotta say… I was kind of sad that they lost that big giant guy, and kind of pissed that Jon Snow survived… he always comes across as a bit incompetent. But yeah, Sansa played it really cool – feeding Ramsay to his own dogs was awesome. And I can’t wait to see what Cersei does at the upcoming trial.