"Bought hanging pepper bag, but I didn't have a place to hang it on my balcony, so I lashed a shepherd's crook to my old satellite dish stand with 2 dozen zip strips. It still wasn't sturdy enough, so I jammed a piece of wood in the pipe to lengthen it."

I believe it was the philosopher Young Jeezy who once told us all to stay strapped. Glad to see you're taking his advice!