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Saturday, September 01, 2007

Alaskan Cruise Part 2

And the adventure goes on...
The first mornin' the light is peeking in the window, I jump out of bed and rip open the curtains and there is a Glacier!!!!
I turn to Roy, "GET UP! GET UP!" grabbing cameras, jeans and binoculars!!
He was standin' out there barefoot takin' in the beauty of it all.
The next morning the same thing, Mountains and Glaciers. I have umpteen bazillion pix of them... from all angles. It is something one should do... go to see the Glaciers. Awesome!!
In Skayway, we took the White Pass and Yukon train up into Canada and back.
We had lunch at the Red Onion Saloon and Brothel. I ordered two Strumpets and the "waitress" said sure, "But what do you want to eat?"
What??
I didn't touch that one.
Roy spoke up, "I want a menage a trois!!"
The whole menu was like that. A sandwich named for a type of "ShadyLady". Katy, I would have got the Harlot but I am not all that fond of Turkey!!
I did leave my name on the bathroom wall, Nadine Hightower, the Harlot in the Red Bra!
It seems to be the thing to do in there!!

We shopped to MY heart's content. We looked at jewels... lots of jewels!!
I did the Grandma thing and bought every kid a T-shirt.
When we went to Mexico on our last cruise, I was going to buy all the kids a neato gift from Mexico but one day as I was using the toilet, I notice the tag in my panties... bought from Walmart... Made in Mexico!!!!
I can buy stuff from Mexico from Walmart and not have to pack it back thru customs. I didn't bring the kids back anything from that trip! So I had to make up for it this time!

We went on a whale watching tour one day and it was just a spectacular. We were never real close to them to put them in danger or us!
So then to tour Juneau. More shopping... and jewels!!!
That was the town we kicked that lady out of the bear seat, I didn't notice her checkin' out Roy's ass until someone pointed that out... too funny!!
Our tour bus driver, Amanda, was a Woo Hoo Gal, Tessie!! She and I were the only ones that had any spunk... I'll vent later about that!!
Anyway, she would ask a question and I naturally answered her with a rowdy "WooHoo" and she loved it!! When she dropped us, and only us, off at the Harley Shop I gave her one last Woo Hoo and Big Okie Hug!!! What a great Gal!!!

And we ate at the Red Dog Saloon... no harlots on the menu.
But a sawdust on the floor saloon and Wyatt Earp's gun on the wall. One of our party was not impressed but Buddy, you can go fly a kite!!
I loved every minute of it!
Roy enjoyed the piano man. Everyone joined in singin' "Waltzing Matilda".
And the animals skins and stuff critters all over the walls.
And so cool.....Wyatt Earp's gun!!!!
We are HUGE Wyatt Fans!!!
Roy and my oldest daughter have watched "Tombstone" so many times that we can turn off the sound and he can tell you EVERY LINE!!!
I don't know how many times I have heard, "Oh don't mind HER, SHE's just drunk! That's all!"
Even when I am stone cold sober and do something stupid!
Which about 99% of the time... stupid... not drunk!

So one night, Roy and I and another couple were all sittin' around havin' drinks and talkin' about life in general, when My HotGuy Radar goes off!!! That sucker is so accurate!!!
The cutest blonde bartender ever!!! Over my right shoulder!!
"Oh Look! I need to refresh my drink!"
I trot my happy ass off to the bar with the other wife in tow to flirt with the Young and Thin Bartender.
As we sat down, this man walks up behind us and starts talking to us, The Drunk Aussie, Mick.
That is not his name but that is what we will call him from now on and he looks like the guy in the Andrew Marc ad in the September issue of Vogue.
Not really, but that is what he will look like from now on!!
And let me add that Capt. Yummy does indeed and will for ever look like a young Paul Newman... So Perfect!!!

"Where are you gals from?" just drippin' Aussie.
"Oklahoma!" My friend said.
"Oooooo, Okie from Muskogee!"
"Yep!"
Personally, I have always hated that song. They do smoke Marijuana and wear sandals in Muskogee. I don't think Merle has ever been in Muskogee.
Okay maybe since he sung about it but up to that point I really doubt it.
It isn't the best town in Oklahoma, so it is beyond me... but that is not the point here.

"Is that a real place?"
"Yep!"
"No Way!!!"
"Yes Way!! It's an Indian Tribe. Almost every town in Oklahoma is either named after an Indian tribe, an Indian or some Indian word for something. Oklahoma, Land of the RedMan!" I said.

I kept lookin' over in Roy's direction, I knew he would be just fit to be tied if he saw this. "Are your husbands around?" said Mick the DrunkAussie.
This guy is just askin' for trouble!
"Yes right over there!" we both pointed at their table.
"OOOOOOO. Their Bald! And Old! How'd that happen??"
I am not sure what he meant. How come they were bald or how come we were with them??
I went with bald.
"High Levels of Testosterone!" I told him. Roy likes to add that he has better things to do than grow hair.....What?? Mow???
"Really? what do they do for a living?"
"They are both cops."
"It was nice to meet you ladies."
And ppppptttttt Mick was gooooone!!
That was so much fun I forgot all about the Young and Thin Bartender!
There is something about watching the blood drain out of a man's face as he realizes his life could end at any moment that is rather funny!!

Next morning, all day in the rain in Ketchikan. That didn't stop the shopping and this time it was FURS!!
Honestly, how many times in your life can you talk about trimmed beaver and keep a straight face with a man???

"May I help you?" Said the very nice clerk.
"No, I am just here to feel something up!"
That man of mine, told me I was too young for fur. I think that is a backhanded compliment some how. Is there an age limit for fur???
I somehow got cheated out of a fur coat, didn't I???

I highly recommend that you save your pennies and go to Alaska whether it be to fish, to hunt, to be a frickin' tourist and shop... just go for it!! It is amazing!!
Next time... the venting!!!
It was an awesome trip but it was not perfect!!