Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Love potion, The lost paragraphs

Note to the powers that be: Try as you may, I will not be foiled, this information must be shared.

There must be some powerful magic at work here. Someone must not want this information out in the open. Yesterday, the final portion of the love potion/ritual was intact and part of the original post. Today when I checked in I saw that the steps below had mysteriously vanished. I do hope no one tried to win the love of another with only half the steps. So here are the lost paragraphs of the Love Potion". (The original post has been updated with this information in its entirety.)

I mean really, you can't just rub cat fur all over yourself, end there and expect anything to happen.

The final steps:

Once your intended loved one arrives, you may greet them with a smile and an embrace but you mustn't speak. With eye contact and hand motions only, lead them to the seven chocolate volcanoes. Without a word you must encourage them to follow your lead, of their own free will, and join you in consuming the chocolate mounds and their content. You will lead by example and drink the tears from the first, then eat the chocolate spinach cone. It is now their turn. When they are have finished you will do the same, again, until you have both consumed 3 ounces of tears and 3 volcanoes. All six volcanoes must be devoured before sunset. There may be an awkward moment between this step and the next since you have to wait for the sun to set before moving on.

Now that six of the volcanoes have been shared between the two of you, and the last sliver of the sun has slid behind the horizon, it is time to kneel in front of the one you wish to be yours (on both knees, this isn't a proposal) and present them with the service coupon booklet. The first page of the book should have simple instructions printed on it that reads something like: "Please read these coupons aloud as I kneel at your feet, tear off a coupon and present it to me. Please continue to do this until all 13 pages have been presented." When each coupon is handed to you, rip it into pieces and eat it. You must eat all 13 coupons. It's recommended to make to coupon book rather small. After all the coupons have been read aloud to you, and you have ingested them, you may now speak.

While kneeling, ask that the final and seventh volcano be brought to you. Ask them to drink the tears from the final chocolate chalice. The final volcano must be broken into bits and fed to you in its entirety by the one you wish to win over.

If all of these steps can be completed, and in time, and with the other person going along with it to the end, then you have likely found your soul mate and some one committed to you and your relationship. If this is the case, congratulations! The two of you have a wonderful and weird future ahead of you. Now you can give them the friendship bracelet with you name on it and go watch a movie or something. You probably won't want to make out since you'll be kind of sick from all the chocolate and tears and spinach.