Landmark Decision Handed Down in the Chuck Norris v. NBC Lawsuit.

A Supreme Court judge has ruled that the title of NBC’s hit show Law & Order directly violates an Intellectual Property law, and, as a result, has granted Chuck Norris’ left and right legs sole ownership of the names “Law” and “Order” and $183 million in punitive damages.

After hearing testimony from a number of extras who where on the receiving end of Norris’ famed roundhouse kicks and watching hours of footage from classic Norris work such as Delta Force I & II and Walker, Texas Ranger, Justice Winston Humphrey said he had no trouble reaching a verdict. “It is clear that since Mr. Norris began delivering roundhouse kicks, his legs have been a lethal force, and, having come to be known as “Law” and “Order” in 1986, some four years before Law & Order the TV show was created, the names are his, and his alone to use as he sees fit.”
In the wake of the Norris verdict, Humphrey also established a new Intellectual Property precedent that has sent shockwaves through the legal community. His amendment states that “any nickname belonging to an individual, is the unique property of said individual, and any secondary individual, group, product, service or other entity who attempts to use said name without direct written consent from the originating party is doing so illegally and will be punished to the fullest extent permitted by law.”

CNN correspondent, Greta Van Susteren, had this to say, “Humphrey has changed the face of nicknames forever. I’m sure, that at this very moment, rappers and other one-name wonders everywhere are clamoring to find someone to sue over the illegal use of their moniker.”

Dick Wolf, creator of the Law & Order franchise was seen fleeing the courtroom in tears and issued this statement through his attorney, “I would like to sincerely apologize to Mr. Norris for any harm the show has caused him. To make up for what we’ve done, I would like to invite him to join the cast of our show in either a reprisal of his role as Cordell “Cord” Walker from Walker, Texas Ranger or as a brand new character. My hope is, that by bringing him aboard, he’ll allow us to continue using the franchise title, as without it, the show is worthless.”

When asked about the offer from Mr. Wolf, Mr. Norris said, “I’ll mull it over. But for the time being, I plan on focusing all my attention on my personal business. Specifically, my exporting business, which I’d like to expand to include more than pain.”

I’m just bummed that you didn’t mention Chuck’s classic Good Guys Wear Black, but have to agree with VE: Bruce Lee rules! Although my money probably would be on Jet Li or even Jackie Chan over Chuck. Sorry, Chuckster (of course, I write that, but wouldn’t dare call him that to his face).