Oh my GOODNESS! If you’ve watched Episode 3: Civil Surface you’ll have seen us squeaking about a great little two-player game called Summoner Wars. Well, it’s just gained some weight. The luxurious Master Set is now on sale, containing everything you need to play, a “premium board" (read: an actual board) and six all-new races to play.

Prior to this your only option for getting involved with Summoner Wars was to buy a Starter Set containing a couple of races and a paper disasterpiece of a playing mat. Whether our review of Summoner Wars piqued your interest or you’ve invested in your first decks, you’ll probably be wanting this.

Quinns: We know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “SU&SD, what I really want is a board game about being an oil prospector, except with all the tension and exclusively brutal interaction of a wrestling match.” Well today’s your lucky day!We’re reviewing Black Gold, a game of racing across Texas in a pick-up truck, trying to build wells before your opponents, as well as fierce, arena-like auctions where everyone bids for the right to sell their oil. There Will Be Blood? Yes. Yes, there will.

Paul: You know what? This is the sort of game I wish Monopoly was. A capitalist, pugilist slugging-it-out where the only thing that matters is money and how much of it you can wrench out of the hands of others. And it doesn’t have disgusting paper notes in, either, so that’s another pro. I’m not really sure there will be blood, but there will be a lot of oil and an awful lot of very cruel business practices…

Quinns: Did you ever play hide and seek as a kid? Do you remember the hysterical thrill of wedging yourself under the bed, trying to control the unbelievable noise of your own lungs? Or being the hunter, creeping through a familiar environment with carbonated anticipation tingling along your veins? Because I’m inclined to call board game Fury of Dracula hide and seek for adults. This is a beautiful, beautiful game, and it deserves a place in houses the world over.

Paul: I didn’t have anywhere exciting to hide as a child or very many people to play with anyway. But we did play a game called Nine Nine In on our school field, which involved-

Quinns: FURY OF DRACULA sees four players each controlling a vampire hunter chasing Dracula across Europe. It’s a glossy update of a classic called Scotland Yard, which was a board game about catching a runaway criminal in London, but here a fifth player gets to control the immortal Count Dracula rather than some greasy burglar, so it’s already the better game.

We’ve reviewed a lot of smart games lately, a lot of intricate and very cleverly designed ones. Let me tell you, we have some even smarter and even bigger ones coming too, with all sorts of clever twists, but sometimes size isn’t everything. Sometimes smarts aren’t everything, either. It’s not always about brains, you know.

Unless, of course, you’re playing Zombies, in which case it really is about brains. Brains and bullets and using the bullets to keep your brains where God intended. Sure, you can try and tell those wandering cadavers that brains are overrated, that they should consider a vegetarian option, but it’s really very difficult to engage them in any kind of extended dialogue. Because they’re dead.

In this episode, a failed attempt at Car-cassonne leads us to look exclusively at card games, including the new Nightfall, and the established classics 7 Wonders and Dominion. We also interview a world-famous games developer and enjoy a night out on the town. Fancy that!

It says right there on the Shut Up & Sit Down About page that we love games that’ll let us do a bit of scowling. Well, packed within Condottiere’s tiny box* are more scowls than in a whole month of Mondays. Feel like buying yourself a cheeky little game this week? This is the one. This game? It’s a gem.

Quinns: The other day I was perched on a windowsill and talking to myself. Nothing strange there, then, but what’s (comparably) interesting is what I was saying to myself. I was explaining the rules of a card game, as if to a group of first-time players. I had people coming over that evening and I wanted to make sure I could explain the rules as smoothly and quickly as possible.

Is this something you’ve ever done? Does it sound crazy to you, rehearsing a rules explanation? Well, look here. You wouldn’t invite over a group of friends only to have them find you sprawled on the sofa in your dressing gown, a hint of your genitals barely visible like some cowardly and as-yet uncatalogued subterranean mammal, would you? No. You respect these people too much to let them see you in such an embarrassing state of unpreparedness. So you should also respect them enough to be able to present those rules like a pro.

Quinns: We’re positive guys here at SU&SD. If you were to ask us what animal we resemble, it would be a seagull, except a strange, mutant seagull that must tell people about wonderful games. “GAMS,” it would screech as it divebombed children and the elderly alike, its reedy vocal chords inadequate for the task of human pronunciation. “GAMS! GAMS!”

Talking about a game that we don’t like is simply a less useful service than bellowing about one we love. That said, we can, and will, be making exceptions from time to time.

Episode 3, Civil Surface, sees everything turn serious. Has the government really banned board games? Quite what is going on amongst the SU&SD team? And how many audio glitches and microphone problems can you possibly have in one episode?

Really, we’re sorry there are some minor microphone problems. We blame it on the radiation.