REVIEW: Jamba Juice Blackberry Bliss

If you’re a botanist, or studying to become one, I would like to ask a simple favor from you. How about some muthafuckin’ seedless blackberries so that I can actually enjoy the Jamba Juice Blackberry Bliss without having to endure the scratchy feel of blackberry seeds going down my throat?

If farmers can breed seedless watermelons and grapes, then why can’t they do the same with blackberries.

Seriously. Whose stamen do I have to suck to make this happen?

I know blackberry seeds are high in nutrients, like omega-3 fats, protein and fiber, but do you know what else they’re high in? Annoyance.

They can get stuck in between teeth, become lodged in other nooks and crannies in my mouth or cause pain if expelled though my nose because I was sucking on a Blackberry Bliss while reading something really funny, which I’m pretty sure won’t be anything in the Sunday funnies or on the Hallmark Movie Channel. Although I believe it’s possible to shoot seeds out of my nose by crying hard, so perhaps I should stay away from the tear-jerking Hallmark Movie Channel.

The Jamba Juice Blackberry Bliss is made up of an apple-strawberry juice blend, frozen blueberries, frozen strawberries, plain sorbet, ice, frozen blackberries and raspberry sherbet, like the kind u find in a grocery store.

If it weren’t for the seeds, I think the Blackberry Bliss would give me some pleasure since it’s a cold smoothie and the temperature inside Impulsive Buy’s headquarters (i.e. my apartment) is about 89 degrees. It has a decent berry flavor, but the blackberry doesn’t stand out. However its color does, which gives the smoothie its dark purple hue that goths will love. It’s not as tart as I thought it was going to be since it contains blueberries and blackberries, but it’s also not as sweet as some of Jamba Juice’s other blended concoctions.

The Jamba Juice Blackberry Bliss lands nowhere on my list of favorite flavors and I don’t see myself buying another unless I really want to count the number of seeds in an original size serving or, thanks to my stamen sucking, someone comes up with seedless blackberries.

It’s great that they use fresh ingredients in their products. I LOVE blackberries but I agree with you, drinking seeds wouldn’t be my idea of enjoyable. If they weren’t so small you should have gotten a spittoon and try to see how many you could get in it.

@Tara: It was a Prince reference. Since the words “raspberry sherbet” were before it, which kind of plays with Prince’s song “Raspberry Beret” which has a line that says, “The kind u find in a second hand store.” Prince doesn’t seem to like to spell out the word “you” so that why there’s the “u”. That’s okay if you didn’t see it because I didn’t think many people would get it. Only crazy Prince fans.

@grinder: But I’m not a swallower. I spit. I’m sorry, but that’s how I roll. I know I should swallow.

@Alisha: Some birds swallow gravel to help them digest seeds. We should ask Big Bird what it feels like.