J. Lo Welcomes Babies into World of Ridiculous Privilege

Hello, new Lopez-Anthony royalty. We do not know your names yet, little twins, but let us imagine them to be Jennifer 2: The Sequel and Mennifer. You are new to this earth – only 12 hours old – but surely you are already wise. You have seen how sexy and glamorous that woman whose breasts you are not allowed to suckle is, and surely you’ve marveled at the Armani couture birthing garment that she wore for your special day. You’ve been swaddled in diapers made of zebra hair and silk and nestled into your nursery as Diana Ross herself sings you lullabies. You are special. You are spoiled. Enjoy it. Don’t feel bad when you are each driven around in your own Escalade pulled by Clydesdale horses. Do not resist the temptation to carry around that miniature Balenciaga bag. You can do whatever you want – BUT! – whatever you do, do not be seen rolling with those Federline boys. They’re already bad news. [People]