Jake and Amir

Jake and Amir (2007–2015) are a comedy duo that work for CollegeHumor. In mid-2007, the pair began uploading short improvisational skits online, eventually starting their own blog, Jake And Amir Dot Com. The characters of Jake and Amir are caricatures of their real-life personas, Jake Hurwitz and Amir Blumenfeld.
Within their series of Jake and Amir's videos, there is the story of Ace (Jake) and Jocelyn (Amir), who are astronaut accountants from outer space. The Ace and Jocelyn videos are something Amir does that Jake won't play along with, until episode 6 when he uses his astronaut accountant persona to break up a date between his ex girlfriend and CH intern, Hallie, and Amir.

Jake: So pimp. Just so fucking pimp. Soaring like a majestic eagle or something. Like, it's like, "That's it, right up in the air. That's my kite." I'm not even explaining it right 'cause I'm so amped still. Like, your adrenaline is pumping, it's just in the sky and you just don't let go. You can't let go of the kite. It's just... it's the best feeling when you just see it in the wind, blowing and shit, unraveling the spool. So phat, you don't even know. The phattest fucking thing in the world. Flying that kite, I owned it. I was, like, owning all day long. All morning. Started in the morning and then into the afternoon. Owning the kite, owning the sky. It was so fucking sick. Sprinting across the grass. Picturing it now, it almost brings a fucking tear to my eye. It wasn't happening but it felt like people were cheering, just like (making crowd noise into closed hand).

Amir: I'm trying to play a joke, and "Fuck you, man?" That's all I get back? I'm sorry, wow, I'm a dick for playing a joke on my friend.

Jake: I didn't mean it like that.

Amir: Someone I thought was my friend at least. Why are you untying your shoes? That means the joke's over. That means our relationship is over. When you fell over I laughed because I respected you. How wrong I was! Shame on me.

Amir: "Torn." Just this, it's like about a guy who just walks around beating people up. He stabs people and then just plays with blood. And beats the shit outta people for fun. I figure for high five, we'll come down, and it's like "Nothing's right. We're torn."

Jake: A girl wrote it. And a girl sings it. It's about a girl who got broken up with by a guy.

Jake: That part's so funny. It's really funny. Go back, play it one more time. The look on your face is priceless. Just watch that one part. That part's so funny. Just rewind it. Just watch that one part again.

Jake: Your face at that one part is priceless. I have a really good idea, if we just take a screen cap of that one part and we'll take it into MS Paint and write something like "Box of Popcorn, $4.99. Movie from BlockBuster, $2.99. Amir's face at this part, priceless."

Amir: Those have been done. I mean, we're not going to make a Mentos ad anytime soon.

Amir: You know how yesterday when I was like, "You probably don't get it?" When you make suggestions like that I'm pretty sure that you don't get any of these jokes. Like, what's funny about this one?

Jake: Kites are gay.

Amir: No. That's not it.

Jake: Ask me one and I'll tell you the joke.

Amir: Why is the "High Five" one funny?

Jake: Because "Torn" is gay!

Amir: No. It's not. The joke is never-

Jake: [interrupting]Okay, you're gonna deny that "Torn" is gay?

Amir: The joke is never "because blank is gay." That's never the joke. It's not because Kite is gay.

Amir: Just, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. One of those days.

Jake: … What are you referring to?

Amir: I'm not referring to anything. It's just like a proverb. You just say it when there's silence in the room. Just to say something.

Jake: That's not how those work.

Amir: Let me explain it to you. I don't think I'm explaining it right. If I'm sitting here in silence, and you're also sitting there, I'll just be like, "Don't get out of the wrong side of the bed this morning" and then you can tip your cap or whatever.

Jake: Do you honestly think that's how proverbs work? Forget it, I'm just going to ignore you for the rest of the day.