Sunday, November 30, 2008

Over the last year-plus that I've belonged to my present gym, I've been surreptitiously "interviewing" personal trainers. I think I've found my man.

The other night, I was watching a guy I hadn't seen before, and I thought he'd be a good match for me. I am rather well self-educated and opinionated about my personal fitness regimen. I'd really like the owner of the gym to be my trainer, but he's too busy with a full-time day job, owning and managing the gym, and training for and fighting his own fights. (He's one of those crazy ultimate fighters.) He clearly doesn't have time to take up fitness training as well. I was at the place where I thought maybe I'd have to either forgo a trainer (really, I'm not positive I need one) or merely settle for one -- one that would serve the limited purpose of getting me in there on a more regular basis just to keep the appointment.

I've had a problem all my life with having teachers I thought were "not as smart" as I. It's a personality flaw, and I admit it. I also have a problem taking fitness advice from a woman who does not inspire confidence in me because she herself does not look the way I feel a very fit and accomplished woman should look. I have a hard time taking advice from a guy who looks a bit "soft" or not physically balanced himself, and/or someone who doesn't seem to really know his stuff. I know that teachers and coaches do not necessarily have to be doers, but still.

There is a female trainer there who I was feeling that I could maybe work with, but I had some misgivings, so I did not schedule any sessions with her. It's a rather big investment in money and time, and I'm a loyal type, so I could just see it -- even if I weren't all that happy or inspired with her work, I'd end up sticking with her (while still complaining about it when not there) if I initiated a relationship with her. I am quite sure I would have fun with her, and she is very good to look at and clearly extremely fit herself. She is the person who, when I was leaving the gym one day, asked me, "Do you have a background in exercise physiology or physical therapy?"

"No."

"Because we've been watching you. You know exactly what to do when you get in here. You're putting on a lot of strength and definition."

Well, then. So the question remains: Do I really need a trainer?

I think I would like one, to help keep me motivated and maybe help me focus on things that I don't know. I don't know everything, despite what I may believe and what I may try to make YOU believe, (she says, with feigned humility. hahahaha) I have some fitness goals I'd like to attain, namely I want to lose 10 pounds, gain core and back strength, and work on keeping my shoulders "open" -- my work and my knitting conspire to make the shoulders cave in upon the clavicle and cause severe pain and muscle spasms. I want pain control and, well, all the other health benefits that come with exercise that we all know by now, so I do not need to list them.

I guess it doesn't hurt to have some help and extra focus.

Anyhoo, the new guy. I come home and I say to David, who knows all the gossip about this gym, "I was watching this guy tonight. I haven't seen him in there before, and I don't know who he is. I think I might want to hire him as a trainer."

"He looks kind of ex-military," is the only description I could give. (Grey's Anatomy watchers, picture the new surgeon character and you have a not unreasonable idea.)

Yup, he knew exactly who I was referring to. He said, "He used to be a strength trainer for an NFL team. I've read all kinds of articles about him."

Well, do I know 'em when I sees 'em or what? Although I do wonder: will he know the difference between a woman's exercise physiology and limits (or not) and a professional football player's? It remains to be seen, I guess, but he seems like a good resource I could put to use.

By my 50th birthday next summer, I could be a lean(er), mean(er) fighting machine.

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For those not interested in the testosterone surge in my life, how about a bit of knitting news?

I bet you had forgotten about Marta, huh? I almost had. But after finishing Abigail's hat, my hands -- though they and my arms and elbows and shoulders were in pain -- felt horribly lonely without knitting in them. I did let my good sense rule and took a day and a half off knitting, I had a massage, got extra sleep, and drank gallons of water. And then yesterday I pulled Marta out of the bag and before I knew it, I had finished the back and then the right front. (Only the tops of those remained to be done -- this sweater is knit from the bottom up, all in one piece, and divided at the armholes.) I must admit I have given some serious thought to leaving this as a vest. But I'd have limited use for a vest, so I've cast on for a sleeve. I'll probably have a new sweater before Christmas!

The yarn is Green Mt. Spinnery Mountain Mohair in Spice, which is a fabulous caramel color with flecks of purple. Love it!

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Have you heard about it? Be careful or you might catch it; it's spreading like wildfire!

A bunch of those Utah women (Susan -- it was her nutso idea! Margene, Cheryl, and Anne are who I know of so far) have a pact to knit 12 -- count 'em, 12! -- adult-size sweaters apiece in 2009.

I think they're nuts. But maybe that's just me.

I'm quite sure I do have enough yarn to knit 12 sweaters, but I don't have enough of the crazy. I do intend to finish the three I've got in the works already, and perhaps knit one or two more. So I'm only half crazy.

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Can ju believe I only have 32 more days to go in Blog 365 of 2008? (and that's not even counting the 60 days previous to that during which I "warmed up.")

Friday, November 28, 2008

We had bad lighting and a squirmy puppy, not to mention that I'm not so much the great photographer. Ah, well. We did the best we could with the photos.

Specs: Yarn: 1.5 +/- skeins Manos silk blend in natural, carried along with one strand of Douceur et Soie, white (one ball -- most of it was used) This gave a lightweight, but warm and soft, hat.

Pattern: I just used my intuition to construct this hat without a pattern.

I started with 120 stitches cast on US 4 needles. I knitted 2X2 rib for 5 inches, then switched to a US 6 needle (after a brief stint in the ribbing with US2s, which didn't seem to make a damn bit of difference in the gauge) and began the cable sequence: I made 6-stitch cables alternated with P2K2P2. I knitted in this manner for 5.5 inches more. Then I began the decreases, again by intuition. I honestly don't remember how I did the decreases well enough to be able to write it down with great accuracy. I pulled in the K2 rows to a K1 ridge. Then I decreased the cable rows symmetrically, followed by the purl valleys, 'til I ended up with 6 stitches, which I cinched.

She loves it. She says it's perfect, and she loves the roll-back brim for extra warmth and coziness over her ears. She is a girl who loves to have her head covered and to have warm ears in the cool weather. This one fills the bill, and if I do say so, it is a most excellent hat.

I have a non-knitting friend who is interested in the economics of knitting, so for him, I add this info: This hat took two skeins of Manos Silk Blend yarn (with a little bit left over, but not really enough to do anything with) at $11.50 each, and one ball of Douceur et Soie at $13.00, so the total cost for the materials for this hat is much more than the uninitiated might think: $36.00*.

And my time? Wow. We won't even go there. Lots of hours and two sore elbows and sore forearms and a sore neck.

It's worth it. :)

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*Of course a hat that looks very similar could be made from a couple of
$5 skeins of crap yarn, or even a perfectly nice $8 skein of Cascade 220,
or, on the other end of the spectrum, a $60 (or more) skein of cashmere
or cashmere blend. It's like everything else -- it's a matter of what one chooses to use based on its various properties, softness, availability, durability, machine-washability or not -- or simply (as in this case) what the knitter chooses to use for his or her own knitting and gifting pleasure.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Greetings! You may refer to me as His Royal HighnessPrinceKingMischief Mr. Jefferies. I am holding your blog mistress hostage. Send treats, cuddles and toys. She will be released with only minor injuries.

A few notes from my journal:

1. She thinks she's a dog whisperer. Pshaw. I already knew this shit.2. I can pee on the paper any time I want to. 3. I can poop on the paper when I damn well want to, too.4. I know what "toy" means, and I can go get her one. What, does she think I'm stupid? She never taught me that. Don't let her tell you she did.5. I know how to drop it. If I want to. 6. I know how to make her do gymnastics, too: Easy. Just chew on her yarn.(Hey, look what she did. Looks good to chew on.)

7. I can make her REALLY JUMP: I just have to LOOK like I'm going to chew on her computer cord.8. I can make her say, "Good Boy," 24,599 times in 24 hours.9. She says "no" a lot too.10. WHAT is she going on about "sit" all the time? I know how! I tell you, I am thoroughly disgusted with this American education -- always dumbing down, soooo repetitive. I am not one of those LOLcats. Take a look at this post -- I mean really. Do I spell things like "Hai! Ime in ur kempewtr" like those unfortunate felines? No. Perfect spelling, perfect construction, perfect grammar. Stop with the "sit, sit, sit, no, no, no; good boy, you peed on the paper" crap. It's juvenile and insulting. I get it already!

Where the hell do I sign up for the accelerated classes?

11. She is powerless under my spell. I only have to look at her with my sweet little doe-eyed look. Well, buck eyes I guess would be more appropriate.12. She is no match for my doggedness. (Get it? Doggedness?! Oh, I crack myself up.) No match whatsoever. I heard her say, "I'm going back to bed. When he calms down, I'll let him of the crate and reward him." I did not even calm down for an hour and a half. I won. You know, I lost a little bit of respect for her in that moment. The woman is weak. BUT I do not remember signing any informed consent about a crate. That was not in the contract.13. You know what? Crying for an hour and a half is exhausting. She FINALLY let me out of that stupid crate so I could get some sleep, for crying out loud. (Heh. I made a pun.)14. She must be old. She's always saying she's exhausted. 15. Well, my literate friends, I hope you have a nice Thanksgiving. I'll be busy today, charming a whole new bunch of people. See you!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

1. Abigail is in love with the Central Park NonHoodie. She wants one. In turquoisey-blue.

*Lalalalalalala, I'm not LISSS-EN-INNNNNG*

Thank goodness mine is too big for her.

2. The brim to her hat I was beginning to think would kill me. But so far I'm still hanging on...by a thread. I've hit a knitting wall. I've put the sweaters away and I'm trying to work on this, but I just can't seem to go on.

3. For no particular reason except it seemed like the right thing to do, I did a half inch (I set out to do an inch, but I just.could.not.carry.on) of tighter rib on US 2 needles, as a sort of a "turning row," so to speak. Now I'm going to switch to US 6s and start cabling. If this thing turns out too big, I will just have to fall on that machete that I have in the garden closet. Actually, I kid. There must be a more efficient and less painful way of doing myself in than that -- like, for instance, keep on knitting the brim 'til I expire of knitting stress. Suicidal ideations, even. You get it all here at Chez Norma.

4. I forgot how much work it is to housetrain a puppy, even one that is very smart, is catching on really fast in every way, and is partially trained already. I'm not as young as I used to be, but Yorkies are utterly adorable and engaging -- at least this one is.

5. I know I've said it before, but this time I really mean it: I'm thinking of moving to Siberia, for a few reasons.

6. One such reason is that my Verizon phone number apparently previously belonged to someone who is running from bill collectors. I get at least one call per day for a certain person, and I'm about to blow a fuse. I keep telling these banks and whatevers to take my number off their records, that I do not know a C.... B....., and they keep saying they do, and then the next day a different (or sometimes the same) person calls again. I might have gotten through to the person I screamed at yesterday. She seemed sufficiently impressed that my ire was not feigned and that I was not impersonating myself pretending NOT to be the subject C....B....., but we shall just see.

7. A call to Verizon to ask if this number used to belong to someone else confirmed that, "Well, yes, there just aren't enough numbers in the world for everyone to have their own unique number," and a whole bunch of other bullshit that the person answering was trained to say in these situations. So my choices are to get a new number which might still have belonged to someone else in a similar situation, or pay $4.95 a month to block up to 20 numbers. P.S. When I switched from my old Verizon cell phone (which was problem-free) to the BlackBerry, ALSO THROUGH VERIZON, they insisted that I had to change my number. InSISted. But there aren't enough numbers to go around. I'm sure the answer is "it's complicated." My favorite (not) explanation for why things suck.

Fuuuuuuuuck.

8. My upper back hurts. A lot. Spasming. This is a major reason for the knitting slump. It's even preventing me from working out, which a part of me thinks might make it better, but much like the brim-knitting -- I just.can't.bring.myself.to.do.it. Today can't come too soon, as that is when I hope to be able to get to see the chiropractor. If he's gone early for Thanksgiving, I will just sit down and cry. Or drown myself in a bottle of rum or something.

9. But lest you think it's all doom and gloom around here, I'm off work for several days, which is quite nice. They do give the med students a chance to breathe once in a great while.

10. We had a pre-Thanksgiving turkey dinner last night. When my mom cooks, as she's going to this year, we don't get to have any leftovers. As I think I have established, I love leftovers. So we had pre-overs, or something. And better than that, it was all local, mostly organic, (even the cranberries!) and included the one bag of peas I froze from our garden this summer. Fantastic. Abigail asked, "Is this a Vermontarian meal?" thus coining my favorite new word.

11. Sometimes when one is feeling down, all it takes to prevent one from jumping off a cliff is a well placed flirtatious encounter with a hot guy or two. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Well, that was fun. Who knew I was subconsciously making a Hudson's Bay Hat? I bet someplace in my brain knew, because when I was running perilously close to the end of the gray skein, and I knew I wanted to actually end the hat gray, I scoured the whole house for bits and pieces of LPB for one more stripe. I have it in so many colors it's crazy, but I did not find the right one until I found the yellow-orange and that was just somehow right. It does look an awful lot like a Hudson's Bay blanket, except for the many Hudson Bay blankets that also have a stripe of navy blue, which my hat lacks. We will forget that pesky little detail. Anyway, I like it. A lot.

Some people asked what the inside looks like, what with that striping trick. Kinda cool, actually:

With the push of getting two hats done in two days, I have a bit of a sore elbow, and I was not going to knit on Sunday to give it a rest. But I got another desperate plea from Abigail for her new hat. Ryan (the brigand!) has permanently co-opted hers for himself. It's WAY COLD here now -- unseasonably cold, it seems to me -- and she's coming home today. I'm sure we can find something in the closets to keep her head warm, but she wants a NEW handknit HAT. *whine*

So what's a mother hen to do; lay an egg? Nope, go to the gym, do some cardio, some pushups and some stretches, put on some arnica gel, have some food and wine, and then start another hat.

So it's back on the needles. This time it's 120 stitches (96 last time was too small) and I'm working on US 4 needles. I'm going to do a wide fold-up brim for keeping the ears extra warm, then a cabled crown. No pattern; just winging it again.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Thank you for all the questions, comments and emails yesterday about the hat. I just did it, and didn't think it was worthy of further comment. You proved me wrong. So thank you for that, because now I've written up the simple pattern for you.

NOTES ABOUT THE PATTERN: It's an amalgamation of basic guidelines from Ann Budd's The Knitter's Handy Book of Patterns (I love that thing), my desire to use scrap stash yarns, and the knowledge I have gained about Lamb's Pride Bulky (hereinafter referred to as LPB) yarn over the several years I have used it for charity knitting.

LPB is my favorite yarn (though it is a bit pricey) for charity knitting when warmth is the number one issue. It has a mohair content which adds tremendously to the warmth factor, and it is bulky, which has at least two advantages -- quicker knitting and more..... what's the word? Let me think......... it begins with "w"..........

hm.

.....Oh, yes, WARMTH.

Over the years, I've knit lots of hats and scarves and other things in it for the Dulaan Project and other causes. In the process, I learned that it really softens and relaxes -- which means it grows quite a bit -- after wet-blocking it. I've ended up with hats that were so large I only hoped that somebody would have a big-enough head to wear it. Also, Ann Budd's head sizes seem to have been designed in the days of Big Hair, as they all seem very large. "According to her," Susan once said to me, "I have the head size of a toddler." Me too.

As a consequence, I have learned to down-size the patterns (they're just guidelines, really, in a nice firm, easy-to-follow algorithm -- in straight-numbered chart form -- not at all of the ilk of everyone's beloved except mine, E.Z., whom -- I know I'll probably get hate mail because of this -- I simply cannot follow) in Ann Budd's book for my hats.

So, once again I did my usual shot in the dark. For this hat I just picked a number from the air (literally) and said, "80 seems about right," and I cast on. I also wanted it to be tightly knit for extra wind protection and warmth. The yarn calls out a 10.5US needle, 3 stitches to the inch. I chose a US 8 and though in 2X2 rib it is very hard to measure the gauge (do you stretch it or not stretch it? stretch it a lot? stretch it slightly?) Whatevs. It worked, I got give-or-take 5 stitches to the inch, and it gave me a perfectly-fitting hat for my 21-inch head. It would probably also fit your 19-inch head, and also your 22-inch head. If you have two heads, I cannot help you.

To put that in plainer English, by virtue of the fact that it's ribbed, it will fit a variety of head sizes, probably at least 19 inches to 22 inches. I've now also done a larger version, so there are two sizes -- mediumish and largeish (directions for largeish in parens).

Here's the formula. Since I used scrap yarns, I am not sure how much yardage it takes, but I'd guess around 100.

Lamb's Pride Bulky 2X2 Ribbed Hat

Using Lamb's Pride Bulky or a yarn of a similar gauge, cast 80 (88) stitches onto a straight or small circular US8 needle. If on a straight, transfer the stitches onto three or four DPN's (double-pointed needles). NOTE: I am a tight knitter. If you are a loose knitter, you will want to go down needle sizes even farther.

You may keep it solid or change colors at any time. TIP: When changing colors, to get a nice sweet, pristine stripe without strange purl color bumps, knit the first row when changing colors. Do not do any purls. Only knit. Then for the next row, resume P2 K2.

Begin decreases. NOTE: This hat has a rapid decrease sequence. You're almost done! If you are using a circular needle, you will need to switch to DPNs for the decreases.

First decrease round: P2, K2tog (knit two stitches together). Continue to end of round.

NOW for mediumish size, K2tog each round until only 6 stitches remain. Cut yarn and, with tapestry needle, thread end through remaining 6 stitches. (I like to thread it through twice.) Pull taut and even. Weave in ends.

Having once been the butt of many jokes (no pun intended) about having designed a butt-hole hat, and so as to offend as few people as possible, I have tried my hardest to make the sphincter-like appearance of this closure as unobtrusive as possible.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

My first hat for Jean's hat drive for the homeless is done. Simple is really where it's at sometimes, ya know? I love this thing.

I totally have a thing for ribs. And then there is the brown and gray combo. Crazy-plain and simple, but just perfect.

One of the reasons charity knitting appeals to me is it scratches my Yankee frugality itch. I get to use up scrap stash yarns and make something useful and warm. So in this case, I had some leftover sable brown Lamb's Pride Bulky. I knitted 'til I ran out, and then I joined in some gray to finish the hat. A totally stylin' stash buster!

Another reason is I get to practice techniques with not so much need for perfection. In this case, I got to prove for myself that the knitting trick I read about in a couple places really works -- the one for knitting stripes in rib without getting those weird join lines with the purl bumps sticking out like sore thumbs. The trick is, simply KNIT all the stitches of the first row of a join of color stripe (do not knit 2, purl 2 -- just knit the whole thing). Magically, it does not adversely affect the rib -- it still continues on in the rib, and yet makes the stripes look so much neater and prettier. Hot damn. Simple and awesome.

This hat is knit at a tighter-than-called-for gauge for extra wind protection and warmth. The Lamb's Pride is very warm anyway, with its mohair content (Boy, does that mohair ever increase the warmth factor), but given the way my skin has felt in the wind and cold in our neck of the woods lately, it's all I could think of was to make this thing denser and more windproof.

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While I was hunting down the charity yarns in my mess stash, I unearthed another of my knitting antiquities.

This will wake you up if you haven't yet had your coffee:

JUICY! This is one of the first socks I ever knit. It's a feather and fan pattern, in Koigu sock yarn in an incredibly potent tangerine color that was sent to me eons ago by Julie. I love it, but at the time I finished it, it was... well, it was a SOCK. I have not been so much the sock knitter, and I am sure I nearly expired getting through this thing.

I have really quite a full sock drawer, though. I have knitted a few pairs myself and I've been the lucky recipient of luscious handknit socks from (in inadvertent -- or was it? -- alphabetical order: My brain is so organized, apparently, the list came out of my head alphabetically. I noticed that was the case, and left it for our collective amusement.) Cari, Cassie, Cookie, Debi and Stephanie .... and I sure hope I haven't forgotten anybody. Organized but forgetful, that's me. Maybe tomorrow I'll pull them all out and show you my little array of socks. I am rich in the sock love from others (and a few from myself), and each pair is my favorite.

But I digress.

The thing is, I have run across this tangerine orphan a few times over the years, but I had no idea where the remaining yarn was to make the second. Now I have found the lost-but-not-really-forgotten ball of yarn. This is not to imply I have the desire to make the second sock, but then again, that color sure does wake up my brain and make me happy, so you never know.

Friday, November 21, 2008

It's the cold season, well and truly. It seems to have jumped up out of nowhere and goosed us all from behind (which I know is redundant, but the phrase just doesn't seem to be complete without the "from behind" language, heh.)

Here is a photo (the one that Typepad ate) of the hat I started for Abigail, but that I have subsequently ripped out because it was too small. I have suffered hitting a bit of a knitting wall, and have not yet restarted it.

Yumminess.

Soon I will cast on again. But in the meantime, I think when I watch Grey's Anatomy tonight (which will be "last night" by the time you read this), I will churn out an easy bulky cap for Jean (see below). I know, I know. I said I'd be a selfish knitter this fall. But it's only one bulky hat. Shush, you.

It's because my friend Jean has made the call. She is heading up a hat drive for the homeless in New York City. Please go read about it here and in her posts following that one, and if you can spare a hat or two or three, please join in.

When I got home yesterday, I had two wonderful packages in the mail. Loyal Readers Tayloe

and Jean E.

sent these lovely items of warmth for me to deliver to the clothing drive for the migrant workers who come here to Vermont to help the farmers produce the food we eat and the milk we drink.