Our Current Home

Friday, December 14, 2012

I first heard about ipsy, formerly known as My Glam Bag, from Little Chief Honeybee. For just $10 a month (shipping is free), ipsy sends you a pretty little makeup bag full of luxury cosmetic surprises. Since I like expensive makeup, I don't like spending a lot of money, and I'm tired of using the same old makeup, ipsy seemed like the perfect way to shake things up. My first bag arrived a few days ago, and I'm thrilled with it! Not only are the products beautiful, but they sent me $74 worth of makeup for $10!!!

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Book by Lauren DeStefano. Design by Lizzy Bromley. This cover design is so luscious, I want to lick it off a spoon.

I'll admit it: I read Wither by Lauren DeStefano because I like the cover art. It caught my eye at work while I was hurrying past the Teen Room, and I plucked it from a display shelf and checked it out before I'd even gotten a chance to read the jacket. When I finally read the synopsis, I was excited. A post-genetic-apocalypse trilogy in which girls live to the age of 20, boys live to the age of 25, most babies are born malformed, and girls are kidnapped and polygamously wedded to wealthy men so they can produce healthy children for rich families? Umm... This sounds just a little bit like The Handmaid's Tale! I couldn't wait to read it.

With hopes that high, I was bound to be disappointed.

Rhine is a teenage orphan who knows she will die in four years. She lives in constant fear of being kidnapped by a "Gatherer." Gatherers sell girls into marriages where they are spoiled rotten, but they're expected to churn out scads of babies. Rhine and her twin brother live in their parents' old house, which they booby-trapped to keep out Gatherers. They sleep in shifts, with one twin keeping watch with a shotgun while the other sleeps. Rhine's brother often won't let her go to work, because he is so afraid the Gatherers will get her. Her life totally sucks. Oh, and she has strangely colored eyes due to a genetic mutation, and this is probably going to be significant later on in the series.

Then Rhine is kidnapped and sold into a marriage with a super-hot, ultra-sensitive 20 year old architect named Linden. Linden is sweet and gentle and doesn't make Rhine do anything she doesn't want to do, if you know what I'm sayin'. Rhine is waited on all day by attendants who draw magical fizzing bubblebaths, create custom couture for her, and feed her anything she likes. She is safe and well-guarded in her new home; she likes her two sister wives; she has a crush on one of the servants. There are just a few problems.

Life is kind of boring, because she can't leave the estate. And Rhine's 70-something year old father in law might be experimenting on bodies in the basement. But he's not a total creeper: He's searching for an antidote to the genetic problem that's killing all the young people. Rhine is convinced that he's doing all kinds of foul things to dead people, but there's never any clear evidence. Just characters exchanging significant glances when they refer to the basement, which could mean anything. But Rhine is really pissed and wants to go back to her previous life, because she's a dumbass.

Here's the thing about post-apocalyptic societies: They're supposed to be believable because they're based on real principles like psychology and economics. Wither isn't so much a post-apocalyptic tale as a half-baked excuse to titillate people who get off on the idea of girls in peril, forced marriage, and imprisoned brides. Imagine this: The world is populated with a huge number of starving, homeless orphans who freeze to death in the winter. And wealthy households are willing to take in girls, who they spoil rotten and treat like royalty. The wives' luxurious lives are televised, so everyone knows how great it is to be married to a rich dude (or at least, it's nicer than starving and freezing to death).

In a culture like this, do you really think it's necessary for "Gatherers" to kidnap girls and force them into marriages? Heck no! IT'S SUPPLY AND DEMAND, Y'ALL. With a huge supply of hungry orphans and a relatively smaller demand for young brides, girls would be lining up for the opportunity to marry into one of these rich families! Keep in mind that this society isn't our society. It's not like the girls in this culture expect to have long, fulfilling careers and interesting lives. They know they're going to die at age 20, so they're not making life plans. They just want to focus on, you know, not starving.

But IF Gatherers were needed, and IF rich men paid the Gatherers large sums of money to procure brides, do you REALLY think the Gatherers would show a girl to one rich man and then shoot her if she wasn't chosen? HELL NO! That girl = Dollar bills! They'd take her to the next rich man and see if he wanted to buy her. And so on, and so on. This entire scenario is stupid.

And here's the thing about science fiction:It's supposed to be based on actual science. Okay, so geneticists tinkered with the human genome a bit too much, with disastrous results. That's believable.But telling the reader that the polar ice caps melted and then setting the story in a Florida beach town isn't going to work, okay? If the ice caps melt, Florida won't exist. And even IF it somehow exists, there wouldn't be snowstorms in Florida, as described in the story, because the weather would get warmer, NOT colder. BAD SCIENCE! BAD!

Similarly, the idea that every continent except North America has been bombed into oblivion and submerged in the ocean, with little uninhabitable islands sticking up in some places, is just ridiculous. Continents aren't pieces of candy that can be broken up into little pieces. They're huge landmasses sitting atop tectonic plates! And if that much mass somehow did sink into the ocean, the water would be displaced. Sea levels would rise. And Florida wouldn't exist. Say it with me:BAD SCIENCE! BAD!

So the scenario was foolish, but I'm ashamed to say that I couldn't put it down. There were a few unanswered questions that nagged at me, and I wanted to know the answers. What would happen when poor dumb innocent Linden learned Where Brides Come From? What was the significance of Rhine's strange eyes? What was really going on in the basement? The author answered none of these questions, and I was so mad at the end of the book. Of course, this is a trilogy, so answers might come later, but I wanted the satisfaction of at least one answer.

Really, the best thing about this book is the gorgeous cover art, designed by Lizzy Bromley. As far as I can tell, she exclusively designs for YA novels, and her work is so evocative and interesting. Look at this title page, with its motifs that evoke molecular structure! I love it. Check out her work, and leave this book on the shelf, unless you're looking for a light distraction that you can simultaneously love and hate.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Normally I talk about the fun parts of decorating and home ownership, but today we're going to talk about the nasty stuff. Ever since our indoor rain adventure, I've learned much more than I ever wanted to know about water damage, insurance, and asbestos. Quick recap: My upstairs neighbor's water heater popped like bubble wrap and flooded our kitchen. His insurance company refused to cover the damages caused by the flooding, but my insurance has me covered, so it's all good.

Here are the Cliff Notes:

Water = Mold and rot, so get that shit professionally dried ASAP.

Water + Hardwood Floor = buckling and warping, so get the subfloor dried, then get a new floor.

Asbestos = Call a professional, but don't bother to put on a Biohazard suit. It's not necessary.

Friday, December 7, 2012

What have you been doing? When I haven't been dealing with insurance companies and water damage issues, I've been making Christmas fascinators! I closed my etsy shop a while back when I decided to focus on other projects. But a former client contacted me in November to commission "a gloriously tacky fascinator/hat thingy for a Christmas thing," and I was happy to oblige. It had been so long since I'd made one of these, and it was fun to construct a bigger, heavier piece than my usual floofy feather creations. There's just one problem: I love it and want to have one of my own.

Now I'm feeling festive! I think we're going to put our Christmas tree up this weekend. I'm so behind on holiday preparations. It's finally time for ginger snaps and Carol of the Bells, yay!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Stop the presses! Johnny Deppallegedly bought a 19,000+ square foot McMansion in Nashville for $17.5 million, and it's exactly 15 minutes from my place. Not that I found the address and Google mapped it or anything. Naturally, my first thought was how is it decorated?! The answer? Like Costco's idea of old money Southern gentility. Seriously, WTF?!

The alleged Depp spread is a column-bedecked faux plantation, built in 2001. It's full of cookie cutter let's-pretend-it's-antique stuff that my mom would love (HI MOM! I LOVE YOU!), in tasteful neutrals, with absolutely no personality. Seriously, if you scroll down really really fast, these pictures are a brown blur that kind of looks like mashed potatoes and gravy. Do it. It's funny.

Welcome to Fake Tara, built in 2001! Fake slaves not included, you jerk. Check the MLS listing. Jeez.

Monday, December 3, 2012

You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love... I love... I love you.

And I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.

I spent the weekend bewitched by the beautiful rooms and sets in the 2005 version of Pride and Prejudice. I'm so amused by the similarities between Keith and Mr. Darcy: They're both men of few words who work quietly behind the scenes to do good things, but they're misunderstood when they don't state their intentions.

So I wanted Keith to watch the movie, even though I know it's annoying to make a man watch Jane Austen. But to my great surprise, he liked it--a lot! To keep myself from narrating and giving away the plot, I contented myself with silent admiration of the gorgeous sets. Perhaps it's my age, but lately I've been admiring shabby but stately rooms with more polish and less IKEA. I'd happily move in with the Bennett brood!

The dreamy neutrals with blue are SO where it's at. That mantel... The painted wainscotting...
Oh, someone grab the smelling salts for Mrs. Bennett and her poor nerves!

Friday, November 30, 2012

When I talk about my home, I usually about the nice parts of home ownership: Choosing paint, selecting flooring, and having the freedom to tile my backsplash any way I like. But sometimes home ownership sucks. Today's post is a valentine to Keith, who was awoken at 6:30 by the sound of rain in our kitchen. Something was not right.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

After working and saving for more than 30 years, my parents just bought a beautiful house on Old Hickory Lake. The house is on a peninsula, so it has views of the lake from almost every room, and lots of big beautiful windows. They're so excited, and Mom is already working hard to make it feel like home. That got me thinking about vacation houses. Why are they usually so kitschy and ugly? Does owning a second home suddenly make people really like junk with bears on it? If I'm going someplace to relax, I'd want it to look and feel like home!

Monday, November 26, 2012

Right now I'm so drawn to dark colors that evoke moody Edgar Allen Poe stories, ominously overgrown gardens, and sternly patrician elegance... but with a clean, modern edge. Perhaps it's a desire to hibernate that makes me love these dark, cozy rooms--but aren't they gorgeous? I love that way the white trim and accents crisply pop against the inky midnight blue paint.

I love these dramatic contrasts! The wooden farmhouse table juxtaposed with the Saarinen style chairs, the lushly textured
sheepskin rug against the parquet floor, and the velvety blue versus the acid yellow upholstery have me swooning. Source

This is not a young look, but I love it. The original art, classic mantle, and wingback chair are so elegant. The faux bois rug and crisp white accessories make it just modern enough, but I still imagine Mrs. Charles Dana Gibson might swish though this room at any moment. Source

Neutrals don't have to be boring, and blue can be nautical without being overly themed! I like the seascape and starfish. Source

Imagine this room with white paint. Nice, but nothing special, right? Every single
item pops so beautifully against that powerful blue-black paint. Source

The poisonous green of that throw! The crisply bold stripes against the neutral chaise!
The cheerful art juxtaposed with that dangerously dark blue paint! I'm in love.
This looks like the perfect place to curl up and read Rappaccini's Daughter, but get this--it's a nursery.
This woman is a design genius, and her entire home is this awesome. Go read her blog now. Source

Why, you might ask, am I inclined to hibernate? Well... It's been an interesting week.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Are you ready to begin your Christmas crafting? Me, too! As part of my ongoing quest to recreate West Elm's holiday collection (see here and here), I spent Thanksgiving Day making my own version of West Elm's pom pom cluster ornament. I'm pleased to report that it was lots of fun, easy enough for kids to make, and extremely cheap.

If you're looking for fun diy ways to trim your tree and gifts this holiday season, try this project! It's a great way to clean out your yarn stash, and it's so mindless that you can make these while you watch Love Actually for the thirty-seventh time. I like that it has a softer, less tight and structured look than the West Elm ornaments. If you're not into diy but you love the look, buy them from Lauren at Old Red Boots' etsy shop, The Bomb Pom! Lauren offers seven color choices, and I think she makes a bigger, better pom than West Elm.

Supplies

One big ball of yarn ($3.49)

Brown craft twine ($1.00)

Scissors

Fork

Start by making a big handful of yarn pom poms using the fork method. Eskimimi's tutorial is perfect; I recommend using it.
Follow her instructions exactly, except tie your pom poms together using an 8 inch long piece of yarn, and don't cut the tails off of it.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

I finished knitting and blocked my first scarf on Monday night! It started as a huge mess, but I love the way it turned out. I knew nothing about knitting when I started last month. I taught myself to knit and purl from a book, misunderstood the meaning of "knit the knit stitches and purl the purl stitches" in a bad way, frogged the whole thing, switched to smaller needles, and started over to create the INSANELY HUGE 13 FOOT LONG* scarf you see here. Go big or go home, y'all!

Yes, it's really over 12 feet long and less than 3 inches wide. Why? BECAUSE I CAN!

When I lived in Los Angeles, I saw a woman wearing a long, skinny scarf looped loosely around her neck at least three times, with the ends dangling near her knees. I never forgot how dramatically chic she looked in just jeans, riding boots, a simple long-sleeve tee, and that scarf. The scarf created a long vertical line that drew the eye up and down, making her look impossibly tall and lean. I'm not exactly statuesque, so I've wanted a scarf just like it for years. But I couldn't find one that didn't feel cheap or cost more than my phone bill. I didn't exactly become a librarian for the money. So I decided to make my own! I knitted it up in a neutral color so I can dress it up with brooches and wear it with everything.

Friday, November 16, 2012

A lot can happen in five years time. Five years ago when I began working at my library, I had no idea how attached I'd become to it and the people there. But now I can't imagine working anywhere else! Tonight I'm attending the annual city employees' banquet and receiving a plaque for five years of service. I've never worked at another place this long, and being honored makes me feel FANCY. Almost as fancy as the Strahov Monastery Library in Prague.

THIS IS HOW I FEEL ABOUT MY LIBRARY TODAY:

Once I sat in one of those hard little blue chairs. It was possibly the pinnacle of
my academic career. And yes... it REALLY looks like that in person! Source

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Lonesome, a (mostly) silent film made in 1928 by Paul Fejos, was released in August by The Criterion Collection. I watched it last weekend, and I was delighted by its charmingly simple story, bustling action shots of 1920s New York, and Barbara Kent's adorably round face and sweetly sparkling eyes. Modern attention spans are shorter, acting styles have changed, and current standards of beauty are very different, but the sense of feeling lonely in a crowd is timeless.

Made at a time when colored film tinting and "talkies" were just coming in vogue, Lonesome occasionally employs these effects with varying degrees of success. The overwrought dialogue in the talking scenes is silly, but the dreamily tinted Coney Island scenes are beautiful. But I'm getting ahead of myself! The movie begins with long introductions to the main characters, Mary and Jim. They each rise in the morning, get ready for the day, endure their commutes, and spend a day at work. We learn that they both live alone in New York City, and though city life is fast-paced, their routines are dull. They're both lonely and long to meet someone special.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

A colleague loudly asked me at a staff meeting, "So, did y'all get engaged on vacation?"

Cue a long, painful silence while my boss and colleagues stare at me.

When I said no, another person interjected, "Wait, what? You two didn't get engaged?" All eyes were on me, and I felt so embarrassed, as if coming back from Curaçao un-affianced meant that something was wrong with me. After the meeting, I pondered my reaction. Why should that question make me feel so uncomfortable?

The Bride Game, circa 1971. Object of the game: Collect a matching set of bridal gear,
and walk down the aisle before all the other girls. I'm throwing up in my mouth a little.

I mean, women don't need to marry anymore to be happy. We can earn our own money, travel, earn advanced degrees, buy property, and have exciting careers and fulfilling friendships, no husband required. When we do meet a man we like, we can make the first move, if we feel like it. And if it turns into a relationship, we can expect an equal partnership. And that's the problem.

Wait, what? Just keep reading! We establish these awesome relationships where we can state our needs, we have space to pursue our own goals, we function as equal partners, and everything is great... until it's so great that we want to get married. Because at that point, the dynamic shifts.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

A while back I mentioned a beautiful hot air balloon necklace by Elaina Louise Studios that caught my eye. I'm glad to announce that they're now offering more hot air balloon jewelry, along with many other new beautiful baubles. I love that their jewelry subtly suggests steampunk, pirate, fairy, and classic art motifs without looking like over the top novelty items. At first glance, you see a cool pendant. Look closer, and you realize you're looking at a tiny Da Vinci sketch encased in glass! And the warm copper metal they use on so many of their pieces is so pretty for fall. Right now, ElainaLouise Studios is kindly offering Librarian Tells All readers free shipping--just use the code ELSFREESHIP when you place your order.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Today I want to share the beautiful watercolor art I recently received from Lauren at Laurendy Home. Lauren's home decor blog is full of young, fresh, fun ideas that are actually affordable. You should go read her blog right now! When Lauren generously offered to give away a custom watercolor painting of any subject the winner liked, I crossed my fingers and held my breath.

When she told me I won, I was thrilled! I think she was a bit underwhelmed when I asked for a portrait of Gary Oldman as Dracula, but at least she was relieved that I wanted handsome Dracula instead of icky monster Dracula. Ha! Lauren was a good sport, though, and she humored me. I'm so glad she did, because I love her Gary Oldman painting almost as much as I love Gary Oldman himself. Which is a huge feat.

Lauren wasn't satisfied, though, so she threw in a surprise painting of me and Keith as a bonus gift in case I didn't like the way the first painting turned out. I wasn't expecting this at all, and when I opened it I cried a little! Isn't she talented? Don't you want to commission a painting from her right now? Well, you can! Send her an e-mail and a brightly lit inspiration photo, and let this woman work her magic.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

When I bought my place, my goal was to create a relaxing, spalike bathroom with a modern-reimagines-vintage look and minimal clutter. This is definitely the room I've done the most work on in the last five years! Originally it had white walls, sadly stained white square tile in the shower, and a gross, warped, slightly squishy hardwood floor. Who puts hardwood flooring in a bathroom?! I put in a black granite floor with a white marble threshold at the entrance, shiny white subway tile with subtle black trim, and a new toilet. Oh, and I painted the room blue. GO ME! I totally love it now.

Since my bathroom is practically the size of a phone booth, these are my rules:

1. Use closed storage. I know open cabinets are trendy, but I don't think grooming products make a pleasant display. I definitely don't want to go all OCD and arrange my hair stuff and skin potions on a shelf and, like, put the Listerine in a crystal carafe. I want to chuck 'em in the medicine cabinet after I get ready and go to work!

2. MINIMALISM. MINIMALISM. MINIMALISM. I don't know how some women can afford 17 shampoos and 9 skin primers and 60 bazillion lip glosses! Seriously, how do y'all pay the phone bill? And where do you put it all?! I'd rather buy less stuff, deal with fewer things in the bathroom, and have more money to do other things.

3. Have a picture of Gary Oldman in the bathroom at all times. Just because. This is by far the most important rule.

A word about grout: I'm glad we used gray grout on the subway tile.
It makes the shape and size of the tile slightly more prominent.

A word about black granite flooring: IT ALWAYS LOOKS DIRTY. If you have a live-in housekeeper and wear
the Hope diamond on your pinky, then go for it. But next time, I'll choose something more low-maintenance.
However, I LOVE the marble threshold. Now I want one at the entrance to every room!

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Last night I finished the last of my three paint by number mini-portraits of the ladies from Sandro Botticelli's Primavera mural. Say hello to Flora! I took a lot of creative liberties, and painting her eyes nearly drove me crazy, but I like her. Doesn't she look like Uma Thurman? I hung the trio near my kitchen table, and they're the first thing I see when I come home.

I'm beginning to realize that this technique yields portraits very similar to American Primitive art. When I was a kid, my mother collected American Primitive portraits of children--the cruder and creepier, the better. Dad hated them, but I loved them, and I remember helping her hunt them down in antique stores when I was small. Her fondness for these oddly flat-faced images definitely rubbed off on me.

Want to paint your own version of Flora? Click for instructions and a free paint by number template...and to see some hilariously bad early versions of this painting. We're talking monkey Jesus bad.

Supply List:

one 8 by 8 inch pre-primed canvascarbon paper, one colored pencil, tape, and scissors
a few small paintbrushes

1. Save these images and print them on standard-size printer paper. Choose the "full page photo" setting, and DO NOT check the box that says "Fit picture to frame." You want two nice, large 8 by 8 inch square images.

2. Trim the excess paper from the black and white image so you have a perfect square.

3. Tape the carbon paper securely to your canvas, carbon-side down. Make absolutely sure the black carbon side is down; otherwise the image won't transfer. Yes, I once traced an entire painting with the wrong side down, and it's infuriating. Tape the black and white image over the carbon paper, so the image stays securely in place.

4. Use the colored pencil to trace over ALL the lines on the black and white image. Why use colored pencil? Then you can easily see what you've already traced. This part takes about 20 minutes, and it's tedious relaxing.

5. Gently loosen the tape and remove the black and white image and the carbon paper. Your canvas should now look like this. Yay! It looks cool but kind of weird, right? Don't worry! Just keep going.

This is what happens when ladies and topographic maps become one.

6. Paint! I like to start with the skin, then paint the facial features, and work outward toward the edges. Feel free to change the details of the painting as you like. I changed the details a lot to make it look the way I wanted: I changed the color of Flora's collar to give it more definition, gave her a wreath of greenery in her hair, added light contrasting curls to her hair, and removed the stuff at the bottom left of the painting because I thought it just cluttered things up.

I did these cartoonishly bad things things to her face in the name of glamour.

But um... NO. I ended up painting her features just as the template dictated.

Feel free to use this template for personal use and modify it however you like, but please don't use it for commercial projects. If you do try this project, send me a picture! I'd love to see your finished painting and link up to your blog.

Monday, November 5, 2012

On Saturday, Keith and I popped into a boutique called Kore because we were both fascinated by the strange and beautiful animal portraits we saw in the window. The moment we walked in, all my stress melted out of me. I felt deliciously calm--the place was magical! We spent a wonderful half hour chatting with the owner, Jenelle Hynes, and browsing her carefully curated collection of natural skincare products, hand-knitted goods, locally made jewelry, and unusual home decor items. Keith chose a bottle of Whiskey scented aftershave and treated me to a pair of sparkly handmade earrings by RINjuel. We were a bit shocked by the prices on those weirdly wonderful animal portraits, made in France by iBride, but they're definitely going on our Christmas lists. What do you think of them?