Well no matter how much we wanted to, we just couldn’t ignore all the props for reader veronicamae’s discovery of the official MySpace profile for Madonna’s Cameltoe. Granted, the page is pretty funny (and totally worth an add), but considering that most people in this country could sketch Madge’s Vag from memory, we weren’t sure it was front page worthy. But the readers have spoken, and the Cameltoe shall ride free! Please – please – keep dropping us more stuff so we don’t have to keep resorting to celebrity vajayjays.

For about one hot millisecond. With a pair of strange moon-sandal martian-meets-gladiator bootie thingies. Lindsay Lohan also claims that Sex and the City is the reason her vagina has such an open-whore policy. Now, brace yourselves for what is possibly the most hypocritical, disgusting thing you’ll ever read: “If I’m going to give my body to someone, I’d rather them not be with other people. But I want to be able to if I like someone else.” Looks like her phony double-standards match her phony double-G’s. It’s items like these that prove, simply and wholly, that drug use not only rots your brains and/or ethics, but also your fashion choices. Again, those shoes. Can someone possibly explain them?

I went to the movies last weekend, and as I was sitting through those obnoxious pre-preview commercials (I love paying $10 to be advertised to!), I saw what appeared to be an ad for another one of those stupid “drive around and maim people while destroying a city and abusing women” video games that the kids love so much these days. But the surprise ending was one of the funniest, most clever commercials I’ve seen in awhile. Check it out!

Yesterday, we waxed romantic about celebrity couples we love. Today, one relationship tidbit has sent our perfume-scented ticker tape into a printin’ frenzy: Kate Hudson and Owen Wilsonhave been having a secret love affair! The two met while filming the cinematic composte heap You, Me & Dupree, and have been inseparable ever since. According to Us Weekly, “Kate is crazy about him. Owen gives her so much attention, and she loves it.” Those of you out there not convinced, we offer some reasons why Kate is smitten with Owen over Hudson’s ex, Chris Robinson.

1. Owen Wilson is a successful actor.
2. Owen Wilson showers on at least a weekly basis.
3. Owen Wilson knows how to properly love a woman.
4. Owen Wilson does not wear tunics.
5. Owen Wilson technically has two penises.
6. Chris Robinson has no nickname referring to his sexual prowess, especially not one as complimentary as “The Butterscotch Stallion”.

This video has been making the rounds, but how could we not post something that features the comedic talents of BWE’s own Paul Scheer, Rob Heubel and Nick Kroll? Clell Tickle: Indie Marketing Guru tells the story of a man who uses fear and intimidation to make absolutely sure you can’t sign onto the Internet without hearing the words “Tapes ‘N Tapes“. Created by Aziz Ansari and the dudes over at The Human Giant, this should make you laugh and feel really cool for getting all the indie rock hipster references (also, watch for some great cameos!):

“Illusionist” David Copperfield says he has discovered the fountain of youth. Turns out the fountain of youth can be found in one’s willingness to make absurd claims to in order to get some press. You can live – or at least be marginally famous – forever!

A fan showered Stephen Dorff with novelty underwear. Coincidentally, that’s what I always say when my mom hooks me up with some new whitey-tighteys.

Star Jones has been dropped as the spokesperson for outlet shoe store Payless. Man, and I bet she thought there could never be anything more soul-crushingly humiliating than Hasselbeck’s face after getting kicked to the curb by The View.

REASON TO WORSHIP MUPPETS: We didn’t want to believe that Sesame Street‘s Elmo was evil, but we just played an episode backwards, and are seriously jetting out of the office to kill our dogs… so maybe? (LA Times, This Picture)

INFURIATING BURIAL: Paris Hilton has purchased the gravesite next to “idol” Marilyn Monroe to bury her pet goat, Billy Hilton. In related news, how is Paris Hilton not in a hospital for retarded people? (Female First)

PLEBE SHOUT-OUT: Gwyneth Paltrow praises single mothers, saying she doesn’t know how they survive without the help of nannies, maids, and constant help from a hands-on husband. She then praised most of the American public, explaining that she doesn’t understand how they can wipe their own ass without the assistance of, like, at least 38 people. (Contact Music)