Getting a Grip on Judgment

Judging other people’s life choices is not ok. Yep, you heard me. At every corner of life we are bombarded with people, situations, and events that naturally elicit feelings and thoughts of judgment—if we give into it. Simply stated, someone else’s choices, actions, and lifestyles are NOT our concern. We are not perfect beings—we are here to learn, grow, and evolve. This means we sometimes do things that go against society’s moral fiber, and is, in my opinion, nothing more than a perception we can choose to accept or reject. Now, I’m not speaking of crimes against humanity such as rape and murder. I’m talking about every day life.

Wasting time and energy judging someone else, where they are in their lives, choices they’ve made and the like, lowers our own energetic vibration, creates resistance, and actually drags us into someone else’s karma. Plus, when we are busy judging other people instead of remaining neutral and supportive, we are not honoring ourselves or those we are judging. Our higher power, call it God, Buddha, Christ, or enlightenment, is not vengeful, but loving. We create our own consequences, which we have to answer to personally … at some point down the line.

When I receive calls about relationship issues from someone who needs help regarding love triangles within a marriage, I far too frequently hear that the caller has come to me because they’ve been rejected by others. This breaks my heart … people don’t create these painful situations intentionally and more often than not, they need much more support than ever to find a resolution. As human beings out of touch with our divine spiritual essence, through our weaknesses we get drawn and stuck in less than ideal situations. This is because we haven’t yet discovered our personal power.

Jesus did not judge others. Neither did the Buddha. They showed love and healing for all. This is what being a human is all about– unconditional love. In a society that claims the majority of its participants refer to themselves as Christians, I would personally like to see a higher level of acceptance and understanding for our fellow humans. You’ve heard the expression “If you give a man a fish you feed him for a day, but if you teach him how to fish you feed him for a lifetime”… in this case we’re not criticizing the man for not knowing how to fish and refusing to help, instead we are teaching through example.

We are not here to judge each other — we’re here to help each other by setting loving examples. As a group collective, we can create more harmony and balance on both the large scale and the small by practicing acceptance, tolerance, love, understanding, and support. When we respond negatively to others without intending to, we are feeding their negative cycle as well as becoming enmeshed in it, inevitably creating our own. Love, support, and understanding, is a much more powerful teacher than judgment or condemnation will ever be.

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7 thoughts on “Getting a Grip on Judgment”

Yes we are not the judge of anyones life or choices or behavior but we CAN choose to remove them from our lives. It is our behavior we have control over not others.
So we can choose who we allow in our personal space (its ours to do so), but it does not mean we are judging them.

I heard a quote from a southern farmer who had experienced a lot on her journey:

“So much good in the worst of us,
So much bad in the best of us,
So what behooves us to judge any of us?”

When we judge others, we do so from our own perception, and often we don’t have all the facts or insights. (Well, most people, not the CPs, who have amazing insights). Has anyone seen the movie CRASH, starring Sandra Bullock and many other great names. This movie depicts the interconnection among all the characters, how they collide in and out of one another’s lives. The aggresors in this movie are also the victims. It shows that people who act violently do so out of fears and weaknesses…. Does not allow them to do so but does make you think twice that you should not judge someone because you have not been in their shoes.

I agree with not judging another. However, I disagree with the unconditional love, no matter how another conducts themselves. This very thinking got me in a lot of trouble over many years. I would take abusive behavior, thinking I had no right to judge. I grew up in an abusive environment, and took more abuse because I felt that is what “angels,” “Jesus” and “Buddha” would do.

I do not judge a person for what they do anymore. However, I do judge if this person needs to be in my life based on how they conduct themselves. Certain behaviors are never acceptable to me, this includes violence. It also includes being deceitful, spiteful, mean, abusing drugs/alcohol, and so on.

As I am striving to become my higher self, I find it impossible to evolve if I keep surrounding myself with those who drag me back to my lower self. If I strive to keep my word and always have integrity, I find it counterproductive if I hang out with those who do neither.

The difference between judgment and making decisions that help me become my higher self, are simple. Judgment, to me, has always been about first, finding the behavior of another wrong, and then having an attachment to changing them. I would talk and argue, trying to convince them.
Now, I do not have an attachment what another does or doesn’t do. I do, however, reserve the right to quietly walk away if another person’s CONTINUOUS actions are hurtful and destructive to my own well-being.

This is a GREAT Article. It is very clearly written and explains the subject in very precise, understandable language. I love the premise that ‘judgment is NOT okay”. The author then goes on to explain what judgment is and WHY it isn’t appropriate. I love what she says about how it ‘pulls us into the other person’s karma’ She is so very right about that. We ARE here to Live, Love, Learn and Evolve and she explains it very well.