Spoiled by Santa

I know Christmas is over, but I would be remiss if I didn’t blog about the gifts Will received. It’s not really the number of gifts that stopped me in my tracks (although the number is fairly staggering), but the type of presents Will received.

For instance, my Aunt Darleen & Uncle Paul gave Will a digital camera. Not a fake camera or a toy digital camera. We’re talking an actual, working digital camera complete with a memory card and everything. While extraordinarily kind, I have to admit I was a little peeved. Mainly because I didn’t get my first digital camera until I was in my 20s. Granted the technology wasn’t there when I was younger, but the point is my 2.5-year-old now has a nicer digital camera than some adults.

He also received a portable DVD player which he already knows how to operate. My DVD player is like 15 years old, and my toddler now has nicer electronic equipment than I do.

Will also got himself a tool bench this Christmas. Sure he had a little one for babies, but now he’s got an official Black & Decker job thanks to Grandpa George & Nana. This has everything: hammer, nails, screws, an electric screwdriver, an electric drill, vice grips, tape measure…the whole enchilada.

And the crazy part is he really does know what he’s doing.

He takes up the screws with the electric screwdriver no problem. We never even told him how it worked, he just did it on his own. And he measures everything with the tape measure, including my arms, legs and head. Which led to my smart-ass wife saying “Let’s hope he doesn’t try to measure anything you’ll feel bad about.” Have I mentioned I don’t like my wife much?

And of course, there’s the kitchen set. You’ve all already seen a picture of that and you know how I feel about it. No need to revisit that one. He doesn’t like it as much as MJ thought he would, but he does enjoy making coffee quite a bit. He also boils lemons and strawberries, and made me “strawberry Chinese food” one night. I didn’t care for it.

But the piece de resistance of outlandish gifts from this Christmas, hands down, came from Papa & Grammy Donna.

When we went to their house on Christmas Eve I noticed a rather large, oddly-shaped package over in the corner covered in wrapping paper. I didn’t think much of it at first and figured there was no way it could be for Will.

But I was wrong.

I watched in disbelief—and with jealousy—as Will unwrapped his gift. I apologize for the darkness of the picture, but just in case you think your eyes are deceiving you, that is a children’s Barcalounger.

Yup, I’m serious. Will got his very own furniture. A recliner no less. I didn’t even get a recliner until about a month ago, and my son is now able to kick up his tired dogs in his very own chair while unwinding from a tough day of arts and crafts, singing and playing. And, as you can see in the picture, the damn thing even has a cup holder. Which means he’s got a leg up on me in that department.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. We are extraordinarily lucky and blessed to have relatives who care this much about Will. I thank my lucky stars for them every day and I don’t know what I’d do without them.

But a recliner? A tool set? A digital camera? This kid is going to have EVERYTHING. Between all of this technology and the various savings accounts already begun in his name, Will has better stuff and more money than I do at the age of 31.

It’s going to be very awkward when I’m asking my toddler if I can borrow some cash and some of his stuff.

It never ceases to amaze me how smart children can be. My son also received a tool bench for Christmas and he picked up the drill and started using it like he’d been doing it for years. And then when we wanted to participate and show him how to use the screws and other foam pieces of ‘wood’ to build something he said “NOPE, me do” and went on his merry way. Seriously…how does he know this stuff?!

I also have to say…I LOVE that recliner. Will is one lucky little boy with two loving parents who clearly work very hard to give him everything plus his own little entourage of loving family too!

Be happy. Trust me. My mom went about 4 months without seeing her grandkids because she’s so wrapped up in her new non-functional alcoholic boyfriend. When Christmas rolled around she said she felt badly about not coming for Thanksgiving and that if I wanted to meet her in Hyannis she would give me $300 for gifts and $200 towards Christmas dinner. I guess I was supposed to be fooled into thinking she was being kind and generous. What it boiled down to was she didn’t want to take the time to shop for them herself or wrap anything. Precious time she could spend with her darling alkie.

I spent the entire $500 on my boys and gave them a bang up Christmas. Perhaps a vain hope that they’ll be so enthralled with their new Wii and gaggle of games that they won’t notice they don’t see grammy for months at a time.

Your son may have better stuff than you do but you definitely have better family than I do.

JEE: You and your brood would be happily accepted into our crazy family any time. Seriously, you wanna come over? Just bring your forked tongue and some food. My mom gives great gifts and lots of love but she doesn’t cook.