My husband and I sleep with our kids. The only problem is that we each sleep in separate rooms. We have two children and they have the luxury of having mommy or daddy with them every night. My husband and I get along great but I’d be lying if I said our sex life is hot and steamy. The only thing is that I’m not so sure it would be any better if we shared our large, cozy, empty bed every night. With two small children, I’m asleep at 8:00 many evenings. I guess I’m asking if this is something I should change even though I love sleeping with my kids and still have a good relationship with my husband. And why do I hid this from my friends and family?

You hide this from your friends and family because you’re not supposed to go to bed with fruit roll-up wadded in your hair, wearing a sports bra and the pants you wore to work that day. You’re supposed to go to sleep in something sexy and itchy, or maybe your husband’s work shirt and some sexy itchy underpants. And you’re supposed to be up for an evening of romping in the sheets, sans fruit roll-up in your hair, and this is supposed to happen while someone else does the laundry and makes 37 gluten-free dairy-free egg-free sugar-free cupcakes for the Earth Day celebration at school tomorrow.

I think these years when the kids are small and needy, and you’re kicking things up a notch in your careers, caring for your parents, trying to lose all that baby weight from six years ago, and have some semblance of a social life, are just going to be a shit show. If you and your husband have a quickie in the mudroom because that’s the only room in the house that doesn’t have a kid in it at the moment, then fine. If you have to sleep separately and each have a kid, a chicken, three kittens, and a salamander in your bed, great! No one’s going to judge you. I know many a dad who sleeps in a Disney Princess bed because his wife is cuddled up with their daughter. It happens. Do whatever works for you.

I do want to add, though, that it’s really hard to get kids to sleep in their own beds once you’ve started sharing with them. I’m a mean mom and I don’t let anyone sleep with me unless it’s an unusual circumstance, like they have the plague or daddy is out of town. Kids are climbing all over me all day long, and that time when I get in my bed with a book is something I look forward to all day. Try to take that space for yourself; it’s really, really nice.