Raise your hand if you haven’t been able to sleep because you were too excited to hear about my BIG news. Just as I suspected, no one.

In the short time since I last posted I received some more BIG news. So where should I start? BIG little news or BIG BIG news?

Okay, BIG little news first. Since I’ve been awful at blogging here’s a brief refresher. In June, I set up my usual monthly goals. Click here for a memory jog. Welllllll it’s now August and I only completed one of those. Ha-Ha! Guess which one though! Go on, guess! Okay fine I’ll tell you. THIS ONE!

I got me a pocket full of A’s. 🙂 ::happy dance:: There is a brain in this head! In all seriousness though, I worked my tailbone off, and sprouted a couple gray hairs, but I did it. I’m so proud of myself, which I honestly say, I have not been for a looooong time.

Now onto the BIG BIG news. I don’t know if I should deliver this all at one time. I hope everyone is able to handle all this BIG news at once. So my long-term followers know that my heart and soul belong somewhere else. For all my new comers you can read about my love affair here, here, here, and here. My last internal dispute regarding this topic happened here. I was torn but ultimately I went with “no”, again. Wellllllllllllllllllll, due to some pretty awesome, fabulous, loving, best parents in the world, I’m f#($ing going to Hawaii y’all! AHHHHHHHHHHH. I know! Are you crying? Don’t worry, I did too when I found out. I have a seat assignment and everything. So I know it’s really happening and I’m not being punk’d. I can’t believe it. I’m still kind of in shock. There’s a really good chance I’m not coming back but y’all can visit me! I’ve started a countdown to annoy the shit out of everyone.

Excitement level = Chuck E Cheese as a tot level

D

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I realized this morning that in my blinding rage yesterday I forgot to inform y’all of my June goals. Anger is a dangerous, dangerous thing. You’ll be happy to hear there were only a few more victims after my morning massacre.

I, for one, cannot believe it’s already June. We are six months into 2012 already, craziness.

June Goals

$1500 – Is there an echo in here? I’m going to attempt this one again. Especially since I now have a second yob there is no excuse not to meet this goal.

Cleanliness is Healthiness – My life is clutter. My room constantly looks like a tornado has hit and my car has enough trash to fill a land fill, not exaggerating. My goal this month will be to clean and maintain my car and room. I can already hear my mom chuckling.

Edumacation – Holy shit guys! I go back to school this month! I really cannot believe it but I’m still excited, so I’ll take that as a good sign. In the past I’ve always kind of negotiated, um, every aspect of school. SCHOOL IS NOT UP FOR NEGOTIATIONS! This goal will take more than one month but I have to start right if I want it to end right. My goal is to get A’s. Yikes

New Picture – I have a frame on my desk that has a picture of the boy and me with a happy holidays frame. -_- Needless to say, it’s time for a new picture.

And you thought I was kidding when I said I was going to rig this month. 😉 Normally I would be wishing you a good weekend but I’ll be here tomorrow. So come on by and check me out!

Sorry I’ve been MIA. If you hadn’t noticed, then its fine, I haven’t been MIA. I just haven’t been as bloggly active as I like to be. I was too busy maxing out my cards, borrowing money from people, and doing everything in my power to get me back to square one. Come June 1st though, that’s all going to change! It’s time to play START BACK OVER! ::insert The Price is Right music:: You hear that self, I’m starting over! No more f@#%ing around. I feel like I’m having déjà vu. Been here before, said that before, time to get serious, again. When I look at my charts and see I started with such great momentum, it’s a little discouraging. All you can do is get back on the horse that threw you. For those of you who’ve never been on a horse, this is a figurative analogy, because there’s a fat f#%&ing chance I’d be getting back on a horse that threw me.

Despite my attempts, you can not write cursive using line charts.

Is this real life?

Since our spirits are already so high why not discuss May’s goals. This month I went 1 for 4. I’m going to go ahead and declare May a victory. Although, if this were any kind of class, that’s a 25%, which is absolutely failing. Hey but it beats April’s goose egg. Tomorrow I will have June’s goals for y’all. I’m going to rig it so I get at least a 50% because that’s passing in my book. I have teachers who would argue otherwise but they can bite me.

Chipper as always

D

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Sorry today’s post is a little behind schedule, I was busy trying to figure out where the hell I went wrong in the past 30 days or so. With the aid of my budget sheets, I can figure out quite precisely where I decided getting out of debt didn’t matter anymore. I’m pretty much back to square one, if not worse. Awesome! It’s astounding how thick-skulled I am sometimes. It’s like I’m trying to create the image of a heart rate with my graphs. If this were a normal day I would be highly disappointed in myself and begin to feel borderline depressed, but today isn’t normal. You’re going to have to keep reading to get to the good because this was the ugly.

This is what my chart is beginning to look like. For a heart this is good, for my debt, not so much.

On to the bad, I can already say with confidence that I will not be completing one of my goals this month. I will be taking off Friday. Boooo. Yea, I know, get over it. It’s going to beautiful and I want a long weekend. Judge me if you like, but I figure it’s a pretty good trade-off, because below you find that I not only completed one of my goals, but I knocked it out of the damn park. I bet the suspense is killing you. I can feel it through my screen.

So remember when I gave some helpful pointers on how to have a successful interview? Eeehhh? Remember?? If you scroll down, its right there for ya, named Interview 101. Read that first. Well wouldn’t ya know we can now add crying to the list of successful tips! I GOT THE DAMN JOB! I received the call yesterday and was offered the position. I exclaimed, “Oh how great!” and she replied “Good! We think so too!” So clearly they loved me, hot mess and all. I am beyond excited. It’s not a position to write home about, but it’s going to be another pay check, and more importantly, it’s not a serving position! Thank you to everyone who believed in me and told me crying wasn’t that big of deal while thinking, “Wow, who does that?” You guys are my angels and the keys to my sanity in a total insane world!

Couldn’t have done it without you Britney!

Winning!

D

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Yes, I’m fully aware that it’s still April, but I thought I would get a jump-start on May’s goals. Given how last month went, I’m going to need all the time I can get. I went 0 for 4 last month, which is just stellar. I’m hoping to at least go 1 for 4 this month. Freeze frame air kick! If you don’t watch New Girl you won’t get that joke. Any who, onto the goals.

$1500 – That’s the amount I would like to pay towards my debt, or be less in debt. I’m sure there’s a better way I could’ve structured that sentence, but it’s Monday and honey badger doesn’t give a shit. I was very busy last week, not doing my job, so I was able to create a projected debt repayment plan. Let’s just say, if I never spent another dime, I will still be in debt by next February. -_- Kind of depressing, but I’ve got to keep my head on straight.

Yob, Yob, Yob – I need to get my ass out there and find me a second yob, y’all! There’s really no excuse. I want to apply for 2 jobs a week. I should really be applying to more but I’m aiming low, so when I say I applied for 3, I can really WOW you guys. I also really need the additional income.

Work – I’m notorious for a lot of things at work, like I’m forgetful, usually hung over on Mondays, and I take off random days. I’m sure, by now, most of you are wondering how the hell I still have a job. Don’t worry, I wonder too. Well, my May goal will be to not take off any days this month. For most, this isn’t difficult, but for me, it’s only May and I’ve used just over half of my days. Fail.

Drink, Drank, Drunk – When I embarked on my vegan adventure, I also gave up drinking. Recently this has fallen to the wayside, but I would like to pick it back up. I also believe this will help with the above said goal. These tend to go hand in hand for me. I have two girlfriends birthday’s this month. I may try to act like an adult, but given how it went last time, I may just order water.

There you have it, my goals in all of their glory. Here’s to hoping I can complete at least one of them. I really want to put forth a much greater effort than I did last month because that was just pathetic.

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"I leave her for a couple of weeks and this is what happens. Dogshit!"

The wounds been opened, so rather than make you all wait till Monday to see the damage, I’ll give it to now. Plus, I hate Mondays already, and I don’t think adding depressing posts to the mix will help our relationship. This was an awful, awful, month. April sucked if I can be so blunt. It just downright sucked. Well April didn’t suck, I sucked. -_-. April was decent. Weather could’ve been a little nicer in my opinion.

April has shown me that a single person has the power to build and destroy their future. Fate sometimes plays a role, but for the most part April has shown me you are in charge. No one else spent my money for me. No one else controlled what I purchased or didn’t. I did. I am, completely, 100% at fault for this progress puppy being so bad.

April has also showed me I shouldn’t set goals for myself. If anyone had their money on me not completing any of my goals then you’re the big winner! If you have absolutely no idea what I’m referring to, you can see my dead goals here. And that children, is why following isn’t always for the best. I followed and fell flat on my face. Maybe next month I should set more reasonable goals, like get out of bed in the morning. I feel like I could handle that one. 😉

Well here are the scary charts that reflect just how awful I’ve been. Thank goodness for car payments because I’m pretty sure it would’ve been a flat line without.

Avert your eyes

It's all fun and games until someone spends outside their means

April showers bring May…. Diane not spending any money. It has a nice ring to it.

D

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I have enough pride to admit I’m a follower. Somewhere deep inside me, I probably posses a minuscule amount of leadership qualities, but for the most part, I just run with the herd. I’ve been reading more debt blogs and found another trending feature, goal setting. Blonde on a Budget is one of my new favorite blogs to follow. I know I briefly stated before that goals are important, blah, blah, but they really are. My original message was brilliant and much more important then I may have just lead you to believe. Trust me, I’m like yoda, but freckled.

As a good follower, I will do as I’ve been taught to do, follow. Obviously I have goals. I want to get out of debt, I want to live in Hawaii, I want to marry George Clooney, but apparently it’s good for the heart and soul to set smaller, more obtainable goals. We will call these instant gratification goals, clever eh? Seeing as it is still pretty early in the month, I figure why not give this a try, the chart thing worked out great. I will be setting monthly goals rather than weekly. I know me best, and seeing as I’m an expert at procrastination, I know I’d just be setting myself up for failure if I did weekly goals.

MY APRIL GOALS

I’ll show you mine if you show me yours 😉

Lose 10 lbs – Say what? As I said HERE, I believe, as women, were genetically altered to dislike our bodies no matter what kind of shape we’re in. I will be trying out for a sporting event later this month. I’m hoping with the help of my physical trainer, enter the boyfriend, that we’ll be able to shed these last pesky pounds.

Finish A Clash of Kings – This is the second novel to the A Song of Ice and Fire series or season 2 of Game of Thrones being shown on HBO now.

Get a Second Job – Ugh, just typing that makes me feel like giving up. I need more money, hey don’t we all sister, but I really need more money. If I’m going to reach my goal by January I somehow need to pull in additional $890 a month. I’m limited in time but plentiful in excuses. I’ve served in the past and I hate people. I’m just kidding, I love you all, I just hate serving you. 🙂 I’ll figure something out. It’s funny how rarely you see ninja assassin on Craig’s List, now THAT I could do.

Create a Squirrel Stash – I want to start squirreling away money here and there. Why, you might say? You might not have said that at all, but I’ll tell you why anyways. My family will be going on vacation next February. My parents are starting to view us children, my brother and I, as semi, not even close to being, grown adults. With this new revelation, theyre are asking us to pay for ourselves. Horse doodoo right?! Let’s start an uprising for this injustice! Small joke, I’ve been privileged to have my parents take me on plenty of all-inclusive vacations. Spoiled is the word that comes to mind. By asking us to pay, it’s the least we can do, as miniature adults, to help ease to burden of the bill. Well, my brother is sitting pretty, but I on the other hand, in my current state, cannot afford to go. ::blink, blink:: WWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH. I’m hoping by squirreling away money, I might be able to afford the first leg of the trip, and find my way to the cargo hold for the second. The plan is ingenious.

I think that those should be enough for one month. I’ll be proud of myself if I complete one of them. Anyone out there betting, put it on finishing the book, and you didn’t hear it from me. Make sure when you set your goals, you make them realistic and achievable. It will give you a sense of satisfaction that you may be lacking when your debt isnt plummeting to zero as fast as you expected.

In other news, overnight, I gained my 40th follower. YAY! Don’t forget sharing is caring. If you love poor grammar, and lame excuses, spread the love and joy of reading about my life in shambles.