UFC legend Ken Shamrock punching a woman in a California mall because he thought she was a man is the most ‘Family Guy’ thing a real person has ever done.

Her name is Melinda Garcia … she weighs 120 pounds … and tells TMZ there’s NO WAY Shamrock could’ve confused her for a man. In fact, she claims Ken is straight up LYING about the fight.

We broke the story … Shamrock claims he was breaking up a girl-on-girl brawl in a mall in Modesto, CA earlier this month when someone jumped on his back. Shamrock claims he believed the person was a man, so he took “him” down. Turns out … “he” was actually a “she.”

But Garcia claims it’s all BS … claiming Shamrock didn’t actually break up the original fight, but rather screamed at her to do it … which she did. (via TMZ Sports)

Harry Knowles elipses and RANDOM CAPITAL LETTERS aside, this is one of those stories that turns into a men versus women thing where half the people online don’t think a woman should be punched even if she stabbed you in the heart because women are the “fairer sex” and the other half doing the annoying “make me a sandwich” thing shitty assholes do because women aren’t people and nobody reports the most basic truth: you should try really hard to not hit anybody.

Of course, nobody gets punched these days without jumping on the Internet to tell everyone about it, so who knows what really happened? The wrestling fan in me wants to think Shamrock did the valiant thing in breaking up a fight, then “snapped”, punched himself in the head a few times and just started belly-to-belly suplexing everyone in the mall. As for the whole “I thought she was a man” thing, I could see where Shamrock would get that (she kinda looks like Tom Haverford), but the average person wouldn’t make that mistake. Hell, when I saw her picture I thought Ken Shamrock had knocked out the main character from Just One Of The Guys. That’s clearly a woman masquerading as a man, Ken.

The best part of the story is the text message exchange Garcia sent to TMZ, which is not only straight out of Texts From Last Night, but outs her sister as “Hoochie” to the entire world:

Come on, tag in and get in there, Hoochie. Oh, and in case you’re wondering where this post’s title came from, let me take you back to WWF’s St. Valentine’s Day Massacre pay-per-view in 1999.

Join The Discussion

I work as a cashier, and there about a dozen people I regularly deal with who are woman who dress like men. It sucks when they try to buy cigarettes or alcohol, because I can’t tell if they’re 25 year old women, or 16 year old boys.

Does this lady (Side note – I liked that initial reports were that Ken hit a HEAVYSET woman) have a healing factor, because I’m pretty sure Ken doesn’t know how to pull his punches (Based solely off the fact that I’ve read Shamrock was too stiff for Vader), so how is her face not one giant bruise-crater?

I think I missed the part of the story where Shamrock hit this shim’s mother. Also, why would this thing break up a fight between random girls? If I saw chicks fighting at the mall the only thing I would want to grab is popcorn.