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hypocrite

“I f*cking hate this shit” is something I have been widely known to say with regard to the following:

birthday parties

bridal showers

baby showers

engagement parties

weddings

generally any sort of perceived contrived celebration where I’m forced to smile and say “aww” or “I’m so happy for you!”

Look, it’s not that I don’t enjoy celebrating exciting milestones of my friends and loved ones. Contrary to popular belief, I do have the capacity to feel joy for others. And although I’m often confused with Larry David’s character on Curb Your Enthusiasm, I don’t think I’m a complete curmudgeon.

It’s just that I’ve never been the kind of person who feels comfortable in situations that call for frilly bows on the backs of chairs and games that involve someone being wrapped in a roll of toilet paper.

So when my boyfriend’s mother because we live in sin mother-in-law stated that she was going to offered to throw me a baby shower, I cringed. I cringed for my dignity, my like-minded friends who would feel obligated to attend, and most of all, I cringed for the blatant hypocrisy surely someone was going to call me out on.

And quite frankly, I’d deserve it.

But here’s where the beauty of friendship comes in. At the end of the day, the people who truly give a shit about you aren’t going to sit there and remind you what an intolerable asshole you’ve been.

They’re even going to ignore the fact that one time you updated your Facebook status to this:

Because when it comes down to it, the people that love you the most are going to be the ones throwing you that shower for the child you’re having out of wedlock, despite their staunch religious beliefs opposing that very lifestyle.

They’re going to be there for you, even if they open their mail one day and receive a hand-drawn map inside an invitation to said shower (for the baby you swore you’d never have).

Best of all, they’re not going make you choke back that humble pie.

Instead, they’ll remember that perhaps your only coping mechanism (other than alcohol) in the wake of a terrible couple of years filled with heartbreak and loss was humour in the form of a snarky social media presence and general distaste for all things that bring others joy.

And they’re going to forgive you for that, and be so god damn generous that you instantly wish you were a better person.