Social Question

Do you think the 'accident move' is still effective?

I’m thinking about impressing or at least getting the attention of this guy(single guy) with using some move they called as the ‘accident move’. I want to accidentally spill my drink on his lap and offer my help to clean it up after that. Or maybe I want to hit him while carrying a lot of stuff in my rush,say sorry and let him to help me to carry over my stuff,then I’ll meet him later,apologize for that action,and offer him a cup of coffee as the sign of my gratitude then we’ll know each other even further. Do you think this kind of method is still as effective as it used to be? Do you think that he’ll know that I did this on purpose? Is there any other ‘accident’ method that you know? Oh I feel so dirty,but I should try this.

Unless you’re a skilled actress and irresistibly cute, you run a greater risk of being an annoyance than attractive. This usually only works in the movies.

You could mistake him for a high school or college friend, and then when he corrects you, introduce yourself. What’s wrong with, eye contact, smile and say “I see you so often that I feel like we should know each other. Hi, I’m ___.” Then, every time you see him, smile, say hi and use his name.

Why do people think that they have to be subtle or even misleading in some way to get the attention of someone they like? Just walk up to him when he’s not tied up with something else, look him in the eyes, smile like you mean it, then tell him, “I find myself very attracted to you. Would you like to talk?” The few times this has happened to me, it totally disarmed me and the result was that I found myself fascinated by the woman’s charm, honesty and directness.

@CaptainHarley and @thriftymaid I appreciate your point. But I don’t feel like to use woman on man method(at least not directly),I’m not shy but I just feel I don’t like to express my feeling right to the point to someone I’m interested with. I want him to give me his attention without thinking that I want it,and I want he think that we love each other because he love me first. I would like to perform this accident trick.

@Seek_Kolinahr Please don’t misunderstood me. I’m not as bad as you think. I just like if he love me not because I want him to love me. Maybe he’s not that brave to ask me out so I might have to work on my own. I expect a man to ask me. And he’s not stupid. I like naive man anyway.

It was a man who is having a hard time finding a girlfriend. He wants a girl to be interested in him, but doesn’t want to drop his “walls” – his “frak the world” attitude, his emotional distance, etc. Needless to say, he’s getting nowhere fast, as he’s coming across to these girls as some kind of sexual predator. “Oh, you don’t like me? Fine, I’ll move on to this girl. Oh, you don’t like me? Well, here’s a nice-looking one over here…”

Relationships go two ways. There are two people in the relationship. For it to work, both people need to be interested in each other. Requiring him to fall in love with you, without you taking a chance yourself, you’re just as predatory as the guy I mentioned above.

Why not accidentally brush into him, while walking past, or drop your house keys, and see if he will pick them up for you. I certainly would not spill a drink over him.
Would you enjoy someone doing that to you?

@Seek_Kolinahr __“There are two people in the relationship. For it to work, both people need to be interested in each other. Requiring him to fall in love with you, without you taking a chance yourself, you’re just as predatory as the guy I mentioned above“__ (Bold from me).

The way I want to do is to stimulate him to love me. Why should I try as hard as I could to seduce him if I don’t want to take my chance? It’s because I love him too that I would like him to love me in a man to a woman manner. The predatory word is harsh and inappropriate in my case. My problem is different from the one you said.

@partyparty That is also a good idea! I agree,maybe spill a drink to someone isn’t a good idea.

@Vunessuh That’s rude! Just why should I do that on you! I don’t even know you anyway. The way you say that means that you’re a typical rude person who will not forgive other people’s accident and will act violently toward them.

@Seek_Kolinahr How could you tell whether or not it’s an accident? How if it’s really an accident? I know most people will usually forgive and even help other people in their accident. Seems like you don’t believe in accident and you’re nothing more than a rude,self-centered kind of person. What you’ve said(theory) won’t always work on other people.

@Doctor_D Why are you calling everyone rude who disagrees with you?
We think it’s rude that you’re willing to spill a drink on someone just to get attention. Regardless of whether or not this person thinks it’s an accident is irrelevant. Fact is, you know it’s being done on purpose. That’s what’s rude.
Grow a pair and be direct with him. Duh.

@Vunessuh It has nothing to do whether or not they agree with me. It was because the way you(and the other) brand other who you think is wrong with harsh way(i.e. predator,punch in the vagina). That was extremely rude!. I haven’t decided yet whether I’m going to spill my drink or use another way. And as I said before I don’t like woman to man manner,I prefer man to woman manner(even if I have to make it happen on my own).

Just start a casual conversation with him by asking a question or making a comment. Something normal that you’d talk to anyone about. If he just moved into your building, ask him how he likes it here. If you always see him at the coffeehouse, talk to him about coffee. Whatever context you see him in, use it to chat with him for a few minutes and introduce yourself. You can talk to him a few more times or just ask him out then, but it will be more natural to do that than just coming up to him and asking. If you’re enjoying talking to each other, an invitation to keep talking over coffee or a drink will feel pretty normal.

@Doctor_D You don’t even know the guy and you’re already talking about you want him to “love” you. The poor dope. Little does he know the plots going on behind his back. Just for Christ’s sake make eye contact, walk over and say “Hello, my name is….., I’d like to get to know you. Could I buy you a cup of coffee?”
Unless you’re in the 8th grade. That’s what you plan sounds like.
Sheeesh.

@Trillian The reason I love this guy is because I know him so well that want him to be with me. And as I said before(again,and again) I prefer man to woman manner not woman to man manner(you can say that I’m old fashioned). Anyway,what I’m planning to do? a homicide plan? I don’t think so. All I want is simply attract him and stimulate him to love me. And I don’t think what I’m doing is a bad as you think.

@ChazMaz Whatever you say. Just suit yourself. Seems like we have different perception of the ‘trick’ word.

@Doctor_D Go for it. I couldn’t care less. Another time, don’t ask. There are no laws against acting like an idiot, even where you live so I guess you’re safe. But dropping liquid all over someone is not “old fashioned”. Don’t be surprised if the only thing you stimulate is his disgust reflex.

In screenwriting, that’s a romance comedy trope, and it’s called the “meet cute”.

The fact that it’s a movie cliche should give you an idea that it probably isn’t a great method most of the time. Just be friendly and say what you feel! The worst that could happen is that the fellow isn’t interested and you’ll both move on. Good luck!

@ChazMaz Since when you give opinion toward my question? You only give worthless and helpless criticizes. You’re not only off topic but you’re also didn’t answer my question.
I need to make you understand what I meant is that ‘I don’t need your helpless and intimidating opinion but I always appreciate other people’s helpful opinion’. And since when I want justification for my action? I never ask whether my action is right or wrong. I ask for other thing(seems like you didn’t read my detail). You and the others careless people are the one who make judgement around here.

@Doctor_D Well nanna nanna boo boo on you too!
This is a public forum and if you ask a question and don’t get the answer you want, sorry for your luck. We’ve all told you this is a childish, dishonest thing to do, but go ahead and do it. Nobody is going to care except the poor guy who you plan on accosting. I even gave you an alternate suggestion in my first response. What you said to @ChazMaz and to me is ridiculous. “Since when you give opinion toward my question?” Since you freakin’ asked!
If you only want the opinions of specific people you cam PM them. Otherwise you roll the dice and take your chances. And considering what I’ve seen of the questions you ask you can expect lots of people to disagree with you. If you can’t take disagreement, don’t put yourself out there.
Go back and read the thread again and what all the people who advised against this move had to say. You insist that it’s ok and you’re going to do it. So go ahead. Wise up and learn that if you want nothing but agreement to what you do, buy a dog. People have a funny of telling you what they think, especially if you ask them. Which is what you did.

@Doctor_D, tsk, tsk, tsk. Such venom. This is not presenting an image of one that a shy and naive guy would find attractive at all, whether you spill a drink on him or not.

You asked the question as to whether or not the collective thinks that the accident move is still an effective tactic. The answer is a resounding “NO”, ranging from “it only works in the movies” to “it’s a really dumb idea.” Several suggestions were given as to alternatives that have been proven to be more effective in other people’s experience.

Your choice is either to try it, knowing that the majority of people you’ve asked think it’s a dumb idea, or try a more direct, mature approach.

No matter what we’ve said, your mind is made up that this is a good idea. Try it and report back.

If the person likes to read you can read the books he likes to read from that particular author. Passing by one day as your hands are full you can drop a book from that author. If he reaches for it and hands it to you, he may comment. If he doesn’t than say, I remember you, I saw you reading (authors name) his books. I couldn’t help but notice you have good taste in reading materials. Ask him if he has a certain title book (one you noticed him reading ) and ask to borrow it. Hopefully it will get you both talking about the books you have read and why you find it interesting. Plus it gives you an opportunity to meet later if he agrees to loaning it to you.

If you’re asking the question seriously, then I seriously doubt that you have the acting chops to pull it off. If you had that ability, you wouldn’t need to ask. (And you would have a better idea of what a “good” accident is, too. Spilling a drink in someone’s lap is going to make that person feel physically uncomfortable and embarrassed when they have to stand.)

@Pandora Since you’ve asked then I’ll tell you. I’ve tried my move yesterday(I forgot to say that I’m a well known drama queen among my friends,maybe I should tell this from the beginning of this question). Here’s how it goes(step by step):

At first I sit next to him(when he’s sitting out side),but before that I messed up my hair a bit then act like a very pity person that need help. Then I began to act(I simply sit and show that I feel unhealthy and depressed),he then ask me like this: “Hey you don’t feel so well today?” I said “no no,I’m just fine” Then he said “no,you’re not fine,is anything wrong with you?” I said “I don’t think that should tell you this,it’s inappropriate”(in a shy girl style). He said “what’s wrong? You can tell me that. Maybe I can help you”. I said “no no,It’s my problem and I don’t feel like to invite you into my problem” He said “Oh that’s okay,please tell me,maybe I can help you”. I said “I don’t feel like I should tell you this but…OK I will tell you,but don’t tell other people about this,OK? Promise?” He said“Yeah,I won’t tell other people. I promise”. I said “Well,actually I lost my purse this morning and I haven’t eat my breakfast today(I asked this an hour after our university lunch time) and I don’t feel so well,I feel so dizzy and weak…(with melodramatic tone),and my driver won’t pick me before the afternoon(I explained that I’m one of few collegian that live in other town far away from this university). He said “where did you lose you your purse?,we can still find it now” I said “no no,that’s okay. I dropped it somewhere else without I even noticed about it. I’ve tried to find it all around that place,but I can’t find it,and I don’t want to do it again. I doesn’t matter anymore. I feel so hungry now”. He said “Um,how about if you come with me to canteen?,don’t worry I’ll pay for you” I said “Oh no,maybe I shouldn’t tell you about this at the first place,you really don’t have to do that” He said “please just come with me,It’s OK,I don’t mind at all”. I said “Well,yeah. I guess that’s not a bad idea. Thank you so much.

After our lunch:(we just talk about each other during this time) He’s so kind,and I think he love me.

I said “Thank you ‘K’,I’ll pay you back tomorrow OK?” He said “Hey just take it easy,If I said I’ll pay for you then I’m really meant it. You don’t need to pay at all. It’s just a lunch after all.” Then I said “Thank you so much…! You save my life today! I’ve never met someone as kind as you before. Maybe I should ask you out sometime,oh well,I guess…I got to go now. He said “Where you’re going?” I said “I have some important business to look after,I really must go now,don’t worry I can go there by myself. Thank you again ‘K’,bye”.

I’m so happy after that,even though he didn’t confess his love there. Yes! I’ve made it!. Maybe I should try another move.

(Just for information: Most men in our university like if women somehow approach them by accident. I’m not the only one who did this,there are other woman who did another trick like this too. Drama gives its own uniquely unforgetable impression. That’s why I love it. I think it’s a creative,funny,interesting,and smart way to get a man I want).

I’m an independent and determined person. And I know what I’m doing. I’m not some kind of weak individual who don’t know what he/she’s about to do,and whether it’s right or wrong(I know people have their own perception about that,and I too have my own perception. And I never ask for that). I wouldn’t have to ask this question if really want to ask him directly,people seem can’t understand about this.

PS: No personal attack and disrespectful comment because I never ask for that.

@ChazMaz I love manipulative people,because that shows how smart,creative,and opportunistic they are.

@Violet That is metaphorical words. It doesn’t matter whether I’m a mod or not. This is my question,I made it,I responsible for it. You can simply leave if you don’t like. Oh I’ve wasted my time with people’s hostility again.

I’ve been gone a few hours. I just found out that my ass has been kicked out of the thread too! How many of us does that make? Do we have enough kick-ees to storm the castle? We can make a frontal assault now, or wait for nightfall, konk the guards over the head, steal the keys, and rescue the princess in the hustle and the bustle beforehand. After I kill Count Roogen.
Wait, different movie. What I wouldn’t give for a holocaust cloak.

@ChazMaz I’d be more than happy to share in the fun with you. Can you take a flanking position and distract that huge guard over there? Then, I need you to swim the moat, scale the wall, (it’s only 50 or 60 feet) and lower the drawbridge. Put down that serving wench, time for that after we emerge victorious. You can tell her all about how you were the hero!Bring me a compress for my poor, kicked ass please. And a masseur.~

@Seek_Kolinahr I muddled my way through it but didn’t bother to comment, for the obvious reasons. If he’s stupid enough to fall for that crap, maybe they’re made for each other. I’m not even going to speculate on the possible IQ of any potential offspring resulting from this match.

@Violet and @ Seek Kolinahr; I see that the “OPEN” sign has not been taken down. Maybe it’s just closed in her mind. Judging by her other question, I’m guessing that she thinks we should all be blacklisted. That’s fine. Black is slimming, and everything goes with it. ;-)

@Doctor_D Read your story, even though you meant Pandora Boxx. I thought it amusing. People simply don’t understand that all is fair in love and war. Whatever gets you in the door so long as no one gets hurt. Not every person cares for the direct approach. You have to kind of worm yourself into some peoples lives for them to notice. Some guys don’t like a direct approach because they confuse directness with arrogance.