Strong
Successful
In control
Stand up for themselves
Don't back down
Take care of people

...so toxic

_________________A truly powerful Man jealously guards his most precious resources; his independence and his ability to maneuver. True power isn’t controlling others, but the degree to which you control the course of your own life and your own choices. -Rational Male

_________________In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

_________________A truly powerful Man jealously guards his most precious resources; his independence and his ability to maneuver. True power isn’t controlling others, but the degree to which you control the course of your own life and your own choices. -Rational Male

He also seems biased against bars and nightclubs as ways of meeting a partner.
In fact it is the only traditional way of meeting that has not been in decline during the Internet era.
His dear "in college or in the workplace" are being displaced by the Internet.

Instead of trying to find things wrong with what he wrote, what did he write that resonates deeply with you?

_________________In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

Well, he's not wrong on the competitive nature part. There are other parts too about that fact that you have to be "fiercely independent" that on some level are tempting to believe. Other parts like there is no biological basis for masculinity are questionable.

I mean aside from the obvious ideological slant, it's got a lot of appeals to negate the burden of responsibility. It doesn't matter how I want things to be though, it matters how they are. It reminds me a lot of the scene in the Matrix where Cypher is enjoying his steak.

I often wonder how people like him are created. I suspect events in his life lead him to the path he is on, but it's curious why more people don't become like us. Aside from the obvious it appears to be the harder path.

_________________A truly powerful Man jealously guards his most precious resources; his independence and his ability to maneuver. True power isn’t controlling others, but the degree to which you control the course of your own life and your own choices. -Rational Male

I mean aside from the obvious ideological slant, it's got a lot of appeals to negate the burden of responsibility. It doesn't matter how I want things to be though, it matters how they are. It reminds me a lot of the scene in the Matrix where Cypher is enjoying his steak.

I often wonder how people like him are created. I suspect events in his life lead him to the path he is on, but it's curious why more people don't become like us. Aside from the obvious it appears to be the harder path.

"However, in the long run it is eventually likely to deflate the confidence of those who inevitably continue to fall short of such exaggerated expectations and who consequently experience the shame of a spoiled masculine identity."

"Instead of being too concerned with not screwing up and seeming “weird or desperate,” Darryl now felt like he was in control."

"This is where the night gets really interesting... ...as if their own masculinity is validated by his success."

"...turning a heterosexual public encounter with a stranger into an immediately consummated sexual episode is a statistical rarity, especially when compared with the overwhelming degree of time, money, effort, and emotion that young men invest in such an enterprise."

"Competitive sex talk among adolescent peers in the hours leading up to the girl hunt create an unrealistic set of sexual expectations for impressionable young men, particularly those who already suffer from anxiety over their body image and sexual development."

"Meanwhile, as men grow older and gain additional markers of status (i.e., occupational prestige), they may no longer require the pregaming rituals of confidence building once considered necessary preparation for the girl hunt."

_________________A sane person to an insane society must appear insane.

Well, he's not wrong on the competitive nature part. There are other parts too about that fact that you have to be "fiercely independent" that on some level are tempting to believe. Other parts like there is no biological basis for masculinity are questionable.

I mean aside from the obvious ideological slant, it's got a lot of appeals to negate the burden of responsibility. It doesn't matter how I want things to be though, it matters how they are. It reminds me a lot of the scene in the Matrix where Cypher is enjoying his steak.

I often wonder how people like him are created. I suspect events in his life lead him to the path he is on

Let's pretend that I can read his mind and know his history: a mix of different things like envy even a political agenda.
He in someway is trying to punish those male losers who women crave by being now in a position of power so he can be heard. The so called "beta revolution?" maybe I do not know.

_________________The more baggage you remove around yourself the more clearly you can perceive others - Altair

“The strongest people in our society are maybe the softest– in the sense of being altruistic and idealistic… Part of the American difficulty with affection, love, and sentiment is mixed up with our never-ceasing effort to look tough, strong, invulnerable. It is as if mature adults are trying to cloak themselves in the whole adolescent interpretation of masculinity. I remember recently seeing a teenage antiwar protestor on the television news. He was carrying a placard saying, “I am a man.” Then, he began throwing rocks into storefront windows! Well, men do not throw rocks into windows. Only kids do.”

On masculinity

Quote:

“The definition of adult masculinity– of what a fully grown, mature man is like– certainly includes softness, that is, the ability to become sentimental and affectionate. It is only the adolescent male who does not dare to show his affection. You know, adolescents today find it very hard to display affection because behavior appears weak. So unfortunately, they miss out on many good things… [Clearly stating good things] is a mature, psychologically health attitude. It is typical of the man who feels authentically self-confident and who can, therefore, be tender. But if you lack self-confidence, then you have to act tough all the time and consequently to overdo tough behavior.”

“The definition of adult masculinity– of what a fully grown, mature man is like– certainly includes softness, that is, the ability to become sentimental and affectionate. It is only the adolescent male who does not dare to show his affection. You know, adolescents today find it very hard to display affection because behavior appears weak. So unfortunately, they miss out on many good things… [Clearly stating good things] is a mature, psychologically health attitude. It is typical of the man who feels authentically self-confident and who can, therefore, be tender. But if you lack self-confidence, then you have to act tough all the time and consequently to overdo tough behavior.”

Spent the weekend watching the 100 year events, lots and lots of interviews with men who have been through hell and lived to tell the tale.. Young, old and everything in between.

Not one of them acted all tough, they were full of emotion and ok with it.. They owned it...
They were opening up with no thought of protection or weakness..

The affection they showed for friends, family and others was very touching.

Very touching to the soul.

_________________In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

Do you know the name of video you watched over the weekend? It sounds like it was good.

It was not a video.. it was a series of broadcasts on various channels of the various events going on from various countries, most of which seemed to involve interviews with veterans of all ages.

to expand, as I recieved a few PMs on this

Sadly they were not videos I was watching...

they may be available, on youtube... some of it

I watched hours of broadcasts across 3 days from terrestrial tv stations, many different ones..
I was watching live transmissions of the events... when there were pauses they had interviews either with people there, or small pre recorded selections...

So there were many across the 3 days... events in various countries around europe that were involved..

_________________In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

Men commit 90 percent of homicides in the United States and represent 77 percent of homicide victims. They’re the demographic group most at risk of being victimized by violent crime. They are 3.5 times more likely than women to die by suicide, and their life expectancy is 4.9 years shorter than women’s. Boys are far more likely to be diagnosed with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder than girls, and they face harsher punishments in school—especially boys of color.

APA’s new Guidelines for Psychological Practice With Boys and Men strive to recognize and address these problems in boys and men. Thirteen years in the making, they draw on more than 40 years of research showing that traditional masculinity is psychologically harmful and that socializing boys to suppress their emotions causes damage that echoes both inwardly and outwardly.

Researchers assumed that masculinity and femininity were opposite ends of a spectrum, and “healthy” psychology entailed identifying strongly with the gender roles conferred by a person’s biological sex.

The main thrust of the subsequent research is that traditional masculinity—marked by stoicism, competitiveness, dominance and aggression—is, on the whole, harmful. Men socialized in this way are less likely to engage in healthy behaviors. For example, a 2011 study led by Kristen Springer, PhD, of Rutgers University, found that men with the strongest beliefs about masculinity were only half as likely as men with more moderate masculine beliefs to get preventive health care. And in 2007, researchers led by James Mahalik, PhD, of Boston College, found that the more men conformed to masculine norms, the more likely they were to consider as normal risky health behaviors such as heavy drinking, using tobacco and avoiding vegetables, and to engage in these risky behaviors themselves.

“Because of the way many men have been brought up—to be self-sufficient and able to take care of themselves—any sense that things aren’t OK needs to be kept secret,” Rabinowitz says. “Part of what happens is men who keep things to themselves look outward and see that no one else is sharing any of the conflicts that they feel inside. That makes them feel isolated. They think they’re alone. They think they’re weak. They think they’re not OK. They don’t realize that other men are also harboring private thoughts and private emotions and private conflicts.”

Some of this involves outreach. Efforts like the National Institute of Mental Health’s “Real Men. Real Depression” campaign can normalize help-seeking by showing tough guys struggling. When men do seek help, clinicians need to be aware that aggression and other externalizing symptoms can mask internalizing problems, Levant says. From early childhood on, boys are encouraged to push down any emotion other than anger, he says, which interrupts boys’ emotional development.

“I tell clients that oftentimes anger is a powerful emotion to cover for a more vulnerable emotion we might feel,” such as sadness or shame, Levant says.

It’s also important to encourage pro-social aspects of masculinity, says McDermott. In certain circumstances, traits like stoicism and self-sacrifice can be absolutely crucial, he says. But the same tough demeanor that might save a soldier’s life in a war zone can destroy it at home with a romantic partner or child.

“There are times when you need to be able to power through,” McDermott says. “But if you only do that, and you believe that if you don’t do that then you’re somehow less worthy as a person, that’s where you have a problem.”

The clinician’s role, McDermott says, can be to encourage men to discard the harmful ideologies of traditional masculinity (violence, sexism) and find flexibility in the potentially positive aspects (courage, leadership).
[The vast majority of males are not violent or sexist.]

Getting that message out to men—that they’re adaptable, emotional and capable of engaging fully outside of rigid norms—is what the new guidelines are designed to do. And if psychologists can focus on supporting men in breaking free of masculinity rules that don’t help them, the effects could spread beyond just mental health for men, McDermott says. “If we can change men,” he says, “we can change the world.”

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