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Here is an area where things get a little rocky. Though I hate to admit it, this is one particular topic we can’t agree on. You see, Candace’s favorite character is George Weasley, whereas my favorite character is Fred Weasley. We always argue back and forth, but neither one of was will change our mind. I guess differences like this are what make relationships so crazy. Oddly enough though, it seems like her family’s favorite character is Voldemort. Though I’ve never met her parents, they seem to have a lot of pictures of him in the household, a couple framed portraits, a cross-stitch here or there. Last year they even went to Chili’s to celebrate his birthday, which, arguably, is the most fitting place for such a thing.

FROM: PickleShaman

What would you do if you found out that Candace is a serial killer?

I have one question: what kind of serial killer? There are plenty of options! You’ve got your more sinister, scary types like Jeffery Dahmer and BTK, but on the other hand you’ve also got the more friendly, neighborhood serial killers like Dexter. Maybe like Dexter she’s a serial killer that just kills bad people, like other serial killers or fan fiction authors who write themselves into the story. It’s easy to judge a serial killer because killing is “wrong” and “completely unacceptable,” but sometimes an unstoppable thirst for blood is just the appropriate response to a world filled with evil, evil like people who casually post huge spoilers for Game of Thrones online in inconspicuous places that you read by accident. (Storm of Swords was ruined for me. RUINED.) And even if she were the “bad” kind of psycho killer, I would do my best to support her in her new hobby—I love her unconditionally, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, in psychotic murder sprees and in not-doing-that. After all, she supported me when I started getting into baking—and boy, that sure was a mess! The least I can do is help her hide a body or two. The things I do for love.

FROM: equillibrium

If say in a parallel universe you did not meet Candace what would you do with your time? What if she was the wife of a powerful Roman god like Zeus?

This is a pretty easy question to answer: I would spend my time diligently working on a machine that allows me to travel between parallel universes. I would call it “the unicycle” as it is a cycle that travels through universes. You see, even though there may exist a universe where Candace doesn’t even exist, I will still feel that empty place in my heart that only she can fill, and even though it may require breaking all the laws of poor old physics, I must find her. Sadly, in this scenario my biggest threat will be other Reids who are dating alternate universe Candaces, which will make for some awkward conversation, but also for some spectacular fights to the death. Two Reids enter! One Reid leaves! I can already see the fliers.

The second part is intriguing—what if she wasn’t dating me, but a higher deity? Though technically the Roman god you’re thinking of is Saturn (Zeus is Greek—BOOM! Awww snap) I think the situation would be mostly the same: a battle to the death. Thankfully, due to my amazing knowledge of Roman gods (proved previously), I will win this battle pretty easily. You see, Saturn’s weakness … is rings.

Yes. I ended on an astronomy pun.

FROM: SecretSparkler

What TV shows do you and Candace watch together? Do you two have a couple name? (Personally, I like the sound of Reidace.)

Though Reidace is a good one, I think I’m more partial for Candeid, because it sounds like “candied,” which implies our relationship is very sweet and covered in chocolates—which for the most part is an accurate description. Some people have also been known to call us “The Moon”—because our relationship is out of this world. When people first told me that, my reaction was, “That nickname is stupid,” but it grows on you.

We only have one favorite TV show, and that is Adventure Time. No one talks about that here, but hey—it’s great, right? We like the brotherly love between Finn and Jake; we imagine it’s what our love would be if in an alternate universe we were brothers instead of lovers. Though I still think there would probably be romantic tension in that case, which would be weird. No matter the universe, you can’t stop us from getting all romantic.

That’s it for this week! Thanks to the people (or person!) who left questions for Candace, once she gets enough she’ll post an article. Be sure to leave questions in the comments about my love for Candace, and I’ll answer them next week! As always: I love you, Candace.

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About the Author

Reid Faylor is a stand-up comedian, cartoonist, writer, and whimsically bearded gentleman living in New York City. He owns a cat named Mr. President. You can follow his tumblr at reidfaylor.tumblr.com.