Search

Trans Parents, Trans Kids: Two New Guides

Two new works offer much-needed guidance for families with transgender members, but each approaches the subject from a different perspective. One addresses parents of transgender children, while the other targets children of transgender parents.

The Transgender Child, by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper (Cleis, 2008), is subtitled, “A Handbook for Families and Professionals,” but speaks mostly to parents. With even mainstream media such as NPR and the parenting magazine Cookie broaching the subject of gender variance in children in the last few months, the appearance of a thorough, authoritative work for parents is long overdue. This book fills the need with balance and sensitivity.

Brill and Pepper draw on their own knowledge and that of professional therapists, lawyers, endocrinologists, and activists. The book begins with some basic definitions and a discussion of what shapes our understanding of gender, then moves on to what parents may be experiencing if they suspect they have a transgender or gender-variant child. While Brill and Pepper are unfailingly supportive of children’s expression of gender, they also stress that not all expressions of gender nonconformity are evidence of a transgender child. The Transgender Child offers ideas for how parents can find support for themselves and their children and remain close to each other during what is often a challenging and uncertain time. It suggests specific parenting practices, such as a thoughtful use of language and careful selection of toys and clothing, that can help gender-variant children find their own paths and strengthen their sense of self-worth.

The book then focuses on how parents can best aid their children during the nonlinear process of transitioning, and how to weigh the pros and cons of disclosing their children’s gender identity to others. The authors are careful not to promote one “right” answer for everyone. The last three chapters turn to the practical yet still emotional matters of dealing with schools, the law, and medical issues.

Overall, The Transgender Child is well balanced and informed by the experiences of actual families, who are quoted throughout. At times, however, it could benefit from more detail. The list of steps schools can take to support gender-variant and transgender students, for example, includes good ideas like creating a resource guide, updating policies and forms, and providing staff training. The authors note that volunteer parents can do some of these tasks while “others require more of a system overhaul.” It would be helpful to know how other schools have implemented these overhauls with success. Who championed the cause? How did they build support? What arguments did parents use in the face of bias, apathy, or budget constraints?

There could also be a few organizational improvements. The chapter on stages of gender development would seem to fit better next to the one titled, “Is My Child Transgender?” rather than between the two chapters on family acceptance and effective parenting practices. The many additional resources listed at the end of several chapters might work better as a single categorized list at the end of the book, for easy reference.

Nevertheless, this is an immensely valuable book for parents of gender-variant and transgender children, a vital roadmap for navigating territory that remains largely uncharted.

The Kids of Trans Resource Guide, by Monica Canfield-Lenfest of the COLAGE (Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere) Kids of Trans program (and a KOT herself), likewise starts with basic terminology and a discussion of gender. It then provides succinct advice on matters such as what to expect when a parent transitions, what to call them, how and when to come out about being a KOT, and how to deal with shifts in family structure. It also includes a section about dealing with transphobia, but follows it with an upbeat one on “Benefits of Being a KOT.” An additional but helpful piece has “Transition Tips for Parents” to make the process easier for- everyone in the family. Like Brill and Pepper’s book, the Guide explores the many facets of each issue, includes quotes from those who have been through them before, and avoids one-size-fits-all answers.

Most importantly, the Guide discusses how to find support and community, and reassures its readers that they are not alone. It includes an extensive resource list of books, movies, and support groups, online and off.

The typography and grammar could use editing in a few places, but the work is by and large an enjoyable and readable resource. It should be of enormous value to those with transgender parents. Download a free copy and view other COLAGE resources for KOTs at: www.colage.org/programs/trans/.

Whether it is a parent or child who is transgender, Canfield-Lenfest and Brill and Pepper are in full accord that the whole family transitions together. Both of their works will help families do so with greater understanding.

Related

5 thoughts on “Trans Parents, Trans Kids: Two New Guides”

[…] kids and, on the other side, one for kids of transgender parents. (Regular readers may have seen my written piece on these books earlier in the week. It’s only the first couple of minutes of the vlog, […]

[…] The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals, by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper, is a great resource for parents and educators. The Kids of Trans Resource Guide, by Monica Canfield-Lenfest of the COLAGE Kids of Trans program, looks from the flip side. Here’s my review of both. […]

[…] The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals, by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper, is a great resource for parents and educators. The Kids of Trans Resource Guide, by Monica Canfield-Lenfest of the COLAGE Kids of Trans program, looks from the flip side. Here’s my review of both. […]

Categories

Archives

Daily E-mail Digest

Read the Posts!

Books and More

Follow Me on Twitter

Read the Posts!

Advertisement

About

Mombian is a lifestyle site for lesbian moms and other LGBTQ parents, offering a mix of parenting, politics, diversions, and resources.
I founded Mombian in 2005 after noting a lack of sites with current, practical news and information for LGBTQ parents, or sites that looked at other aspects of LGBTQ culture with a parent’s eye. I hope lesbian moms (and others) will find something interesting and perhaps worthy of conversation.
I also created and host the annual Blogging for LGBTQ Families Day event, which began in 2006.
For more, see the About page.

I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.