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Sexual Optimism And A Changing World

I have a new piece up on the Blowfish Blog. In it, I take a break from criticizing all the things that are wrong with our sexual culture... and take a moment to remind us of all the drastic ways that our sexual culture has improved, just in my own not- that- long- lifetime.

When I was born, the very idea of female sexual pleasure, and the idea that women had as much right to sexual pleasure as men, was shocking and controversial. Today, the notion that women actually enjoy sex, and that we have a right to ask for the kinds of sex we enjoy, is generally understood and accepted. (At least, more so than it was 47 years ago. Even right wing Christian evangelicals are pushing the idea of sexually satisfying marriages... satisfying for both partners, not just men.)

When I was born, it was generally assumed that women in an office were there (a) for the sexual enjoyment of men, and (b) to catch husbands. Today, it is generally assumed that women in an office are there to get some work done.

When I was born, birth control was still illegal in about half of the States in the U.S.... and the birth control methods that were available were ineffective, dangerous, or both. Today, birth control is legal, widely available, available in a variety of forms, and much safer -- thus enabling women to enjoy sex without the constant fear of unwanted pregnancy.

To read more, read the rest of the piece. (And if you're inspired to comment here, please consider cross-posting your comments to the Blowfish Blog. They like comments there, too.) Enjoy!

Hey- back then the clitoris was a well-kept secret-- and also the female orgasm-- much less the idea of the one leading to the other. By the late '80s, Dr. Grafenberg and friends figured out there's even more, and indeed some (F and M) seem to have included this in sex-play. But the female ejaculation, also in Grafenberg's first book, has made slow progress indeed in the past 25+ years. Notwithstanding 'squirter' sites on the web, which may or may not be authentic, the number of women who feel free enough to try it remains small indeed. Why-- in my experience it's an authentic super-high experience, and most often available multiple times. Again: why-- are we still in the dark ages?

One of my all-time favourite quotes from a sex educator: "Dr. Grafenburg 'discovered' the G-spot in the same sense that Columbus 'discovered' America. Plenty of people were already there, but nobody thought they were important until some white guy showed up."