Thursday, May 24, 2012

As a child I dreamed of being right where I am this very moment. Living my life as a mother. Washing clothes, playing with babies, singing songs. I'm one of the few people that are able to say, I'm living my dream. I wanted nothing more in this life than to have babies. God gave me the desires of my heart and I could not be happier. My boys teach me something new each day. If you would have told me that they would teach me something, I would have disagreed seven years ago. I thought I 'knew' it all. Ha! Was I ever wrong. My dream didn't land me the easiest job in the world and I'm sure it's going to have several bumps and road blocks along the way. Regardless, God is in control. He knows exactly the paths these sweet boys will take. He has trusted them to me and I'm going to do my very best to be a good example for them.

Back in March we celebrated Tuck's third birthday. Three years ago, my life was full of anticipation as I awaited the birth of our second child. All moms can vouch when I say regardless of how prepared you think you are, you're never fully prepared. Our lives were changed the moment our little bear took his first breath. With a delivery that happened faster than I had imagined, a broken collar bone, a round, pudgy little face and a head covered in red hair, Tucker William was here. Overjoyed to have him in my arms, our newest adventure began.

Behind the closed doors of our home, he's full of life, spunk, laughter, and such a chatter box. Get outside of the realm of just the four of us and he turns into this extremely quiet and shy little boy. He's a momma's boy, for sure. He'll hide behind my leg, give pouty faces, and the child can throw some looks with those eyes. I will admit, he gets that from his momma! I'm learning that he's a bit intimidated by crowds, but loves to be the life of the party if he feels comfortable. Hmm... who does that sound like, his daddy, maybe?

That soft, white skin, bright blue eyes and those little freckles popping up, he's a cutie. A big smile, with all those little baby teeth, how can you help but not smile at him. His crooked smile, now that one gets me the most. He loves to give me hugs and kisses. Daily he tells me, "momma, you da super-dest best!" I mainly get this phrase after assisting him in the bathroom but hey, I'll take what I can get. I love when I put him down for a nap or at bedtime when he asks me to sing twinkle-twinkle. If I sing to loudly he'll tell me to turn it down, sometimes I have to turn it up.

After he gets his twinkle song, he works his blanket to the perfect corner and says, "some for you, momma". He has this little habit of working his blanket to each corner and he'll flick the tip of that corner just on the inside edge of his nose. Quirky, yes... precious, absolutely melts my heart. When he started "some for you, momma", I knew this was a little Tucker-Momma thing and I treasure it. Somedays I'm rushed to get him down for a nap or just completely worn out by 8:30 at night but each time he says, "wait momma, your corner..." have mercy, be still my heart. If I try to make it out the door without beating the bed bugs with a shoe, he kindly reminds me to "beat those bugs, momma!"

He loves to sing and I love to hear him sing. His giggle comes from the bottom of his tummy and I can't help but laugh along with him. His tiny hand reaching for mine reminds me that he needs me. The tender touch of his hand as he rubs my back when I carry him, reminds me I need him. Eskimo kisses, priceless. His pudgy little feet, the wild hair on his head, the facial expressions, each thing about this sweet baby (and yes, he is still my baby at three) were perfectly chosen by God.

Chosen by God, for me. Really, me? I look at him daily, Carter too, and I so desperately want to slow down the hands of time. It seems like Tucker should only be one, not three years old. Carter, almost seven, seems impossible. How did we get here so fast? Those thoughts of wishing I were a parent are here. It's up to me to either rush through the day and miss the little things or not. I now know what my Momma meant when they were tiny, tiny babies and she said, "just enjoy them, they'll grow faster than you know." It's happening. They're doing just that. It makes my heart sad but happy at the same time. I watch them both and I'm so grateful and the words thank you just aren't enough. How did God choose me for them?

One morning instead of doing my normal routine, I grabbed my camera and followed Tucker. My mind had been contemplating documenting our day for a few weeks. I rounded the corner and saw him sitting in the kitchen floor, I knew that was the day for me to do so. He's consumed with all things monster trucks. As he sat quietly on the floor, flipping pages and pushing Monster Mutt, I snapped away. As most toddlers do, he was off in a matter of minutes. On to something new. He jumped on the bed, he ran to the playroom, he pulled out toy after toy and I just kept snapping. Later, just before nap time, I heard something and to my surprise he was on the kitchen counter. He decided he'd just get a few pieces of candy from the candy jar.

Where am I going with all of this? It wasn't until after I loaded the pictures to my camera that I realized I miss way too many blessings by the hustle and bustle of life. Too much time sweeping, cleaning, or on the computer. All that stuff doesn't amount to a hill of beans. Nope, not at all. They need me now. They need my attention, my love, my all. They're will be time to organize closets, dressers, and all that other nonsense later. Right now, it's time for them.

He's three now. Before I know it, he'll be six. I can only imagine how much he will change in the next three years. I can't help but wonder if his shyness will fade away and he'll become Mr. Social Butterfly or will he always be hesitant around crowds. Will he always be a thinker, an observer? Will he still share his corners with me and I can only hope he'll ask me to sing twinkle-twinkle to him as he goes to bed. Will he still rub my back and call me the "super-dest best"? Only God knows what tomorrow holds. My prayer is that my bear is happy and that he knows how very, very much his momma loves him. As our bedtime song says, "how I wonder what you are..." I often ask myself that as I watch him fall to sleep. What will you become, Tucker-bear, what will you become?

I'm months behind with this birthday ramble but it was a happy birthday to you and to me Tuck. I am amazed by your joy. Each day you make me smile, laugh, and realize just how precious life is. I pray God's blessings over you with each passing day. May your life be filled with happiness, love, and peace.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The boys are with me 90% of the time but when we have those few chances to jump in the truck along with Travis and do something for "boys only" the boys are ecstatic. They dress up in their cowboy pants, shirts, and boots and turn into quite the little cowboys. Carter leads the way and Tucker immediately becomes a shadow. If Carter says it, Tucker says it. If Carter climbs it, Tucker climbs it. They're quite cute if I should say so myself.

Travis moved a few yearlings to a new pasture and the boys were right up in the middle of everything. From moving feed troughs, to picking up sticks, you name it.

Two country boys, an empty head shoot.... this could get very interesting in a few more years when they can't squeeze through.

See I told you... whatever one does, the other does. Too cute.

They just love being outside and mimicking Travis' every move. I enjoy watching them and knowing that they want to be just like him. I'd be lying if I said I don't think about how close the three of them will be when they grow up. I see them working cows, fixing fences and the boys hauling Trav around rather than vice versa.

I read a blog a few weeks ago and it was a mother explaining her daily routine and the struggles she faced as a mother. I could have written that post myself. There are days, as a stay at home mom, that I just feel beaten. You know, throw up the white flag because I surrender. Just let them have it, because I obviously have no control over this situation to begin with. Nope, that's not going to work. I've been given these children by God. He has trusted me with them and for that I must not give up. The mother quoted Galations 6:9

"and let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart."

The minute I read those words I began to cry. So many days, I lose heart. The feeling of defeat overcomes me and I often ask, what exactly is my purpose? My purpose is to be an example for my children. I don't have all the answers, I don't do everything right, my house is more often a mess than not, and my boys well, they're boys. They're rambunctious, loud, and oh so messy... but that's okay. I'm really trying to slow down and enjoy the fact that they are only this size for such a short, short time. I know nothing else besides being a mom. I asked myself earlier this week, what exactly would you do if you had to go back to a 9-5 job. Honestly, the only thing I could come up with was either back to the doctors office I came from (because I still had a friend there that could possibly get me on), or it would be good 'ole Target or Wal-Mart. I think a lot of times I forget that what I'm doing this very day is what I dreamed about and prayed for as a teenager. I remember telling friends, I'm not going to college, I just want to be a mom.

God gave me the desires of my heart and how dare I to ever take that for granted. All to often I allow my negativity to completely blind me from positive thinking. The sermon in church last Sunday was about the habit of negativity. Negativity can push us to act out of fear, not faith. I'll admit sometimes I'm fearful that I'm failing when it comes to being a mother. I have to seek God more in those times. By having faith and trusting that He will give me the patience, wisdom, and strength during those times. Our pastor shared with us that sometimes something negative is God's only way to get our attention. I've thought on that and read over my notes from last weeks service and I really think God is showing me that I get a lot of snappy answers, attitude, and grouchy-ness from the boys because they see it and get that from me. A dear friend of mine touched on this topic earlier today. How can we ask our kids/spouse to be something that we're not willing to do ourselves? Hmm... where's the wading boots, cause it's getting deep in here! I can't expect that my boys will have kindness, gentleness, and politeness if they're leader *umm, hello... that's me* isn't showing the same.

"Do all things without complaining and disputing.." Philippians 2:14

I guess I'm sharing this so that I can be held accountable for my own actions. I need to learn this myself before I can teach it. I'm not perfect, never claimed that I was but I feel led to share that I'm not living a fairy tale over here. It's real stuff. There's some attitudes flying (sometimes toys-boys, put that down), voices being raised, sourpuss, Oscar the grouch likeness going on around here. However, I pray that God will soften my heart and allow me to become more patient, understanding, and more real with my children, family, and friends.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

About two weeks ago at bedtime, Travis put on a puppet show for the boys. This has since become a nightly routine. They cackle and laugh like you wouldn't believe. They've had a donkey in the puppet show, a monkey, a dog, and last night it was a monkey. I grabbed my camera to snag these and I couldn't be happier.

It's not often I get to catch little moments like these, but they are the ones I'm most in love with. These boys love their daddy so very much. Carter talks about growing up and being a farmer just like him and well, while Tucker still dreams of becoming a "Monker Truck Driver" a.k.a Monster Truck, he follows in Travis' every foot step. These three are my heart and soul. Without them I'm not really much to talk about.

Email: momma2carter2005@yahoo.com
I am a wife & mother. My husband is Travis and we have two beautiful boys, Carter and Tucker, that bring us more joy than we ever dreamed possible!These three consume my life and I am so grateful that God has allowed me to be a part of their lives. Travis is an amazing husband. He deals with my moody self with no complaints! Carter is a loving, happy, and on the go six year old. He makes us smile regardless of the situation. Tucker is our shy guy, but don't let the shyness fool you he's a firecracker underneath! His giggle is contagious, his eyes sparkle, and he gives the sweetest kisses! My family is pretty much my life, all the other stuff are extra blessings. I started this blog as a reminder to myself the days I wish to remember.

The reason I blog...

I started blogging in April of 2008. I wasn't really sure of what I was doing when I started this whole thing or whether or not I'd even stick with it. Looking back over the past year, I am so grateful that I jotted down the little memories that make up our life. The days pass so quickly I don't want to forget the funny little things that my children say or the moments that brought smiles to my face, or the bumps in the road that made my faith stronger. Blogging has become a part of my routine. I enjoy looking back and reading things that happened weeks back, and also sharing what's going on in our lives with my family & friends.

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My better half

I thank God for my husband, Travis, each and every day. I love the way he puts up with my quirky ways and loves me regardless. He is a true blessing, and my life would not be complete without him. I LOVE YOU TRAV!

Our little cowboy

My oldest son, Carter. Six years old and full of energy and spunk. Each day is bright and fresh with this child, full of questions and a little heart that over flows with love. He's funny, sweet, and brings more smiles to my life then I ever dreamed possible!!! I LOVE YOU MORE CARTER!!!

Cowboy in training....

My little Tucker, a.k.a Tucker Bear, is such a little firecracker!! He is shy at times but when it's just us at home, expect the unexpected!!! He loves to sing. He loves to do whatever his Daddy and brother are doing. His eyes sparkle like stars and he gives the sweetest kisses. He's the life of the party, too! Twinkle, twinkle... I love you!