Wednesday, September 19, 2012

How to Win a Man’s Heart

When you think of a man's heart, ladies, you have to think of it in 3 contexts: the heart of the man, the heart of the mind, and the heart of the matter. Most people think about the heart in its 4th context which is the physical heart or blood pump. The physical heart is simply an organ that has no ability to think, decide or contain emotion. Therefore, contrary to what most people think or believe, the physical heart is not the heart of the man a woman should try to win.

The heart of the matter is something men are powerfully oriented toward. When there is a problem issue or decision to be made, we want to get to the bottom line quickly. Not to be crass but this is the reason why a man will try to get a woman to have sex with him soon after meeting her. He is oriented toward getting to her "bottom" quickly. When a woman is trying to lead a man to make a decision, or win him over to her way of thinking, she has to give him concise information (just the facts ma’am) that will help him get to the heart of the matter. Too much verbiage makes a man turn away or want to run way.

The heart of the mind is a man's process center; the place where he makes all of his decisions and the place where he both discovers and stores his "feelings". If you ever ask a man what he "thinks" about a particular subject, he will often preface his response with "I feel...” A man's feelings begin in the heart of his mind not the heart in his chest. If a woman suddenly asks a man "Do you love me?”, he has to first think about it for a minute... or two... or three before he responds. The way that a man "feels" about a woman is strongly correlated with how he "thinks" about her.

Now, women often get angry due to this delayed response and basically say: “Never mind, if you had to think about it that long, don’t worry about it!” Then, they start plotting to leave or look for the next man. The problem here is not entirely his fault. She shares the blame because she never made him or gave him a reason to think about how he feels about her. When men are in a relationship and everything is good he rarely thinks about the future or where the relationship is going as long as it is going good. That is how the average man is wired. Since women are wired to think about the future she has to make sure that he is thinking about having a future with her. She has to be certain that he is not playing the “something better” game. That is, just being with her until something better comes along. The only way to be sure that you are secure in a man’s heart is to get inside of his head.

"They" say the way to a man's heart is through is stomach. THEY are rarely right and THEY are wrong about this one too. The way to a man's heart is through his head. If a woman wants a man to value, desire, and or adore her, she has to get him to think about her. In order to capture a man’s heart, ladies, you have to get into the heart of his mind. The more you get him to think about you the deeper his feelings will become for you. Once you get into the heart of his mind, you will never have to worry about him sharing his d!(% with another chick.

The heart of the man is his "spirit", the real him, his inner nature or inner being. His spirit is the source from which his character and qualities are derived and the place wherein he communicates with GOD. The spirit of a man is his sanctuary. This is where a woman ultimately wants to be. In the warmth of his spirit is where she can rest in peace, comfort and safety because she knows who he really is and what he will and won’t do. Merging of the spirits is how the two actually become one. When a woman has become one with a man in spirit, she no longer has to worry if she can trust him because now she is him and he is her.

In order for a woman to completely win a man’s heart she has to become the only one he thinks of and become one with him in spirit. Then, she will be the only thing in his heart that matters.

64 comments:

This was deep! Made a sister think... I'm open to learning and change.... Thanks for this! I never really understood the cooking part because my dad did all the cooking a rarely ate my mom's delicious meals. But she sure had his mind

There are two primary methods you can use to make your way into a man’s mind.

The first and most direct route is through conversation. Plan dinner or lunch dates where the two of you can talk. Often women decide they want to talk when the man would rather watch a game on TV, play a video game or just relax. He won’t talk much at those times because he really wants you to just go away. During lunch or dinner a man will automatically know that he will be required to have a conversation with you so it won’t be a surprise that he will have to talk. You will be able to get his undivided attention, learn the things you need to know and obtain the answers to questions you have been thinking about.

The second way into a man’s mind is through making him think about you. It is said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. If a man is not giving you access to his mind, you have to limit access to your time and presence. I am not talking about playing a game. This is about determining your position. Life is too short to waste time with someone who does not have you on his mind all the time. If he is not already talking about having a future with you, he is simply waiting to move on or waiting until someone better comes along.

Give him time and space to think about how life would be without you. This will also give you time to think about what life would be without him. If you come to the conclusion that you COULD live without him, he may be someone you really like or even believe that you love but he is NOT the one. If giving him space doesn’t drive him to try to be closer to you, then he has already concluded that he could live without you. You don’t want to believe you are in the position of Ms. Right when in his mind you are only Ms. Right Now.

A man usually knows if a woman is the one very early. If you can scare him off by talking about plans for the future, he already knows that you are not the one. So, he will look better gone.

The bottom line to getting into a man’s mind is getting him to not only think about you but to talk to you. Know what you want and need to know about him and his plans for and with you before you start a conversation. Ask direct questions. If you get no or evasive answers, start making plans to find another man.

I have had feelings for someone for a long time and feelings are not letting go of my heart even though he is in a relationship and has a child with someone, I know just need to find and focus on another

I know how you feel but reality is he is not in love with you, so why waste your feelings on him? Move on and do yourself a favour. You deserve someone who will love and make you happy. You are giving yourself a respect and dignity when you do this.

I didn't reply to this post before now because you answered your own question with your last statement. However, the last person's response to you requires me to respond.

They said "You deserve someone who will love and make you happy." While that is true the main issue in your case is whether or not you believe you deserve to be loved and to be happy.

You see, people do not "choose" to love or be in love with someone who is not available to love them unless they are trying to avoid: 1) being happy and in love; 2) the responsibility of loving someone mutually; or 3) the risk of being rejected by someone who IS available to love them mutually but choses not to.

There is usually a subconscious reason why someone would decide to carry "feelings" for someone who is not free to share those feelings mutually.

Contrary to popular belief there is NO such thing as "falling" in love. We make the CHOICE to love who we love. In order to sustain that love, because it is not easy to hold on to (especially if the person we love is not loving us back), we have to know WHY we have chosen to love that person.

If you figure out why you've decided to love this person, it will help you discover the reason why you are afraid to be loved mutually. Having that answer consciously will prepare you to have and maintain a loving relationship that is healthy.

i had in love with some one who is in relationship,knowing that i would rather leave then stay but he wanted me to stay and have relationship with him as a times goes by my love grow deeper but at the end we end up fighting i was complaining him that he dont have time for me didn't care about me and i start mention about his girlfriend and from that he start ignoring me and avoidoing me once i asked for break up but he has no answer so we both just keep quite no contact for view days from that i know that i can't live without him so i contact him and i try to talk to him but he replay me cold and now he asked me stop this relationship and he told me that he loved his girlfriend more then me , i was hurting alots to hear that i couldn't know what to do but i really love him and i don't want to lose him i wonder how to be some that he really love

So, your saying that a man will usually know early if the woman he is dating is the one. I am dating a man almost two weeks now and we have seen each other twice and he text everyday in the morning and at night when he comes home from work. He once called me and chatted for 2 hours. Then just 3 days ago he went on a business trip for 2 days. When its time for him to go back home, he texted me and said that he wished he is coming home to me. Is this a good sign that he is seeing me as the one? or is it to early to conclude? And just recently his text in the morning is this: " I wish I could kiss your lips good morning and see your lovely face in the morning". Is this normal?

If this is a long distance relationship, I could understand the texting. However, I am seeing some warning signs that this guy MAY be married or already in a relationship.

That last statement "I wish I could kiss your lips good morning and see your lovely face in the morning" is actually a request for sex. He is indicating that he would just be waking up "in the morning" when he sees your face.

If he "wishes" he was coming home to you, WHY isn't he? What is stopping him?

It appears that he is giving you signs that you ARE the one he wants to have sex with. Why would someone try to seduce you without having made a commitment to you?

If you are the one, he will be communicating plans as to how he intends to spend the rest of his life with you rather than suggesting that he spend the night.

There are subtle differences between a true potential husband and an abuser. Both are men so they both know quickly the one who will be their wife or victim. The husband will be interested in your heart and mind whereas the abuser will be more interested in your behind.

A woman needs a man who is intrested in loving and protecting her; a man who can be touched with the feeling of her infirmaties; a man who wants to touch her heart and mind intimately before he touches her sexually.

A woman should walk away from a smooth talking good sounding guy who seems less interested in learning what's inside that space above her face than he is in entering that space below her waist.

ALL abusers (not some) want to get you into bed quickly because it will prove to him that you are a good candidate for accepting his abuse. I don't know if everything I presented pertains to your situation but I am concerned that it may.

So go on line and google the warning signs of a domestic abuser so you can examine him to see if he does and says some of the same things.

Abusers are good at disguising their intentions and making their victim feel like they really love and need them. However, if you look up the warning signs of an abuser and find that he displays ANY of them, don't walk away from him RUN!

It's really all about understanding ans accepting that the mail mind is completely different than the female mind. It reminds me of a great post I read a little while ago: http://www.howtogetaguytowantyou.com/how-to-understand-men/

Been dating a man for 6mths. Just recently broken up with him for several reasons. I thought the relationship was good last year, but i thought something not right this yr his hiding his family, friends & where he live from me when he know everything about me. When i ask question he doesn't answer, but changes subject or he need sometime. I went away during Christmas & New Yr to spend with my family bcoz he wouldn't put his time for me. He told me he b waiting for me when i returned. But when i came back i called him ea day the line was engaged. i crave to talk to him, but can't get through. I text him is there somone in your life now, or what's going on bcoz i called nearly 3 mths but i was left in limbo? It hurt so much so i ended the relationship thinking he doesnt love me anymore. I miss him alot but also lost. He recently sms me saying he need sometime by himself to care for his parents, he doesnt want to make a commitment, his not ready. But i havent put any pressure on him for marriage? Does that mean its over?

To hold out hope or hold on to the illusion of love that YOU have created for yourself will only cause you to suffer.

Pain in a relationship is something someone does to us. Suffering is something we do to ourselves by holding on to the pain. The sooner we let go of the pain and decide to move on the less we suffer.

When someone causes us pain in this way it really has nothing to do with whether we are good enough or lovable enough; what we did or did not do. It has nothing whatsoever to do with us. It is all about the other person, their desires, their character and their original intentions for getting involved with us in the first place. Too often in the situation you described the person had no intention from the beginning of having a long term relationship. He knew you were not Ms Right from the beginning. He intended to use you as Ms Right Now until Ms Right came along.

When you ask a person a direct question about commitment and they avoid or fail to answer it that action screams loudly that they do not want to commit. A person's thoughts about commitment is always reflected in their comments or lack thereof. No comment no commitment.

This guy already knows you are not the one for him. He did not even care for you enough to be honest and tell you that directly. Instead, he told you nothing while giving you false hope that he might someday be "ready". However, you must consider the way you were treated and recognize that you are setting yourself up for more of the same or even worse if you allow yourself to be mistreated.

This is how victims of domestic abuse behave. This is how they fall into the pattern of finding one abuser after another or having one abusive relationship after another. Don't fool yourself into believing this relationship and his conduct is not abusive. Anyone who could just leave you "in limbo" is an abuser. Anyone who could use you for sex or whatever else, make you think that he loves you and then just leave you without adequate explaination is an abuser.

You simply have to decide now whether to hold on or move on; to let go of the pain or continue to suffer.

Dear Relationship Dr,I am in a committed relationship.I know my man loves me,I want to know is there away to show him to listen to his heart.Before we got into a relationship,he got hurt in the past.The first woman he ever loved cheated on him.He has opened up his mind and heart to me.We are making plans for our wedding and our beautiful life together.But his mind has him thinking im gona cheat on him and break his heart.He tells me he knows im not going to,but his mind be messing with him.What can I do to help chase this doubt away?Do I just let him be because time will show im not gona cheat.Help please

so i met this guy through my friends boyfriend..i went away for weekend on my birthday so my friends boyfriend invited him one night out so thats how i met, for the first few hours it was awkward and he was shy and i was shy however after dinner we start to talk chat laugh dance around it was fun everyone was having good night...we all got back home it was just me and him talking the whole night he was telling me about his life i was telling him about my life...it was the first time in long time i felt i had really connection with him he couldn't even looked at each others eyes..however i told him it was my first and we was watching so scar movie i got scar i was laugh n scared the same time we got really close stop watching tv we talked more he kissed me in those minutes it was nice i really liked him,,BUT the next day i had to come back home we lived bit far away i mean REALLY FAR like 2 countrys next to each other.. he added me on facebook i got back to home after few days or week we started to chat online he told me that night he felt like he was with the one and after i when sleep that night he said he start put his mine that i am the girl he be marrying to and he wished he had more time with me before i left and so on...i mean i hate to say this but i believe that we both felled in love that night but one thing i didn't know about him is that he is workaholic i mean the guy works 7 days a week and he is not lying could my friends boyfriend said the guys works alot...after talking to him for 3 weeks online i told him i couldnt do this i was falling in love with him more and he didn't have much of time he said i promise il make time for us to get to know each other from monday and on that monday the guy didn't even call me or txt me and the other thing is thy have a family business and right now his father is away so he is the only one doing everything and everytime i mention to him he doesn't have time he say i know but please ill make time and every night when he txt me i am at home before he says can we talk something alway come up either his mother ask him to go out to the store or his sister someone has to ask him something he seem really nice and honest but i don't knw .... imean people say if someone loves you they will have time for you but i dont knw what this mean...........do you think is just excuses for him to not talk to me...wat should i do should i just stop talking to him.........

so i met this guy through my friends boyfriend..i went away for weekend on my birthday so my friends boyfriend invited him one night out so thats how i met, for the first few hours it was awkward and he was shy and i was shy however after dinner we start to talk chat laugh dance around it was fun everyone was having good night...we all got back home it was just me and him talking the whole night he was telling me about his life i was telling him about my life...it was the first time in long time i felt i had really connection with him we couldn't even looked at each others eyes..however we was watching some scar movie i got scar i was laugh n scared the same time we got really close stop watching tv we talked more he kissed me in those minutes it was nice i really liked him,,BUT the next day i had to come back home we lived bit far away i mean REALLY FAR like 2 countries next to each other.. he added me on facebook i got back to home after few days or week we started to chat online he told me that night he felt like he was with the one and after i when sleep that night he said he start put his mine that i am the girl he be marrying to and he wished he had more time with me before i left and so on...i mean i hate to say this but i believe that we both felled in love that night but one thing i didn't know about him is that he is workaholic i mean the guy works 7 days a week and he is not lying could my friends boyfriend said the guys works alot...after talking to him for 3 weeks online i told him i couldnt do this i was falling in love with him more and he didn't have much of time he said i promise il make time for us to get to know each other from monday and on that monday the guy didn't even call me or txt me and the other thing is thy have a family business and right now his father is away so he is the only one doing everything and everytime i mention to him he doesn't have time he say i know but please ill make time and every night when he txt me i am at home before he says can we talk something alway come up either his mother ask him to go out to the store or his sister someone has to ask him something he seem really nice and honest but i don't knw .... imean people say if someone loves you they will have time for you but i dont knw what this mean...........do you think is just excuses for him to not talk to me...wat should i do should i just stop talking to him.........

Yes, you should stop talking to him. You are right. People who are sincerely interested in you will make time for you. Even if he has to run a few errands what is preventing him from using bluetooth, earbuds or speaker to talk with you as he is driving, shopping or whatever. He is trying to string you along for some reason. However, you should allow yourself to be abused. You have already invested too much time and emotional energy into this guy without getting much in return. So, it is best for you to simply move on.

Been seeing this guy for nearly 5months . Everything was fine. He txted I morning saying sweet things. Rang on his break txt or ring at night. Then bang 2 wks ago he joined the gym for deep sea diving training and got promoted at work so now doing old and new job at moment. He stopped txtingand saying his life is manic not enough hrs I the day for everything. ...... I told him give it time and things will calm down .he says he wants to stay I touch and see me but I dont know what to do..... I want him to miss me and think of me and not just say its over without trying

Here are the thoughts that stand out in your post for me: “He joined the gym for deep sea diving training...he stopped texting...saying his life is manic not enough hours in the day for everything.”

Questions: Is deep sea diving related to his job? How long does it take to send 4-5 texts back and forth 2-3 times a day? Couldn’t you find time somewhere (even while in the john perhaps) during the day for someone you REALLY cared about? If deep sea diving is not job related, and there is not enough time in the day for everything, why is it more of a priority than you?

Too often the person we are involved with is ready to move on while we want to continue to hold on. They don’t really have the heart to hurt is so they try to put us down gently. However, we won’t just go away quietly. We know it is over but we continue to fight to continue.

Perhaps if he cannot manage to find time for you it is best to give priority in your life to someone who will make you a priority in theirs.

I am a 40 year old divorced single mother. From previous experience with men I refuse to let anyone meet my children before I am certain about his intentions...This has served me well in preventing a situation where men who were only in it for some fun could quickly be identified. It also presents a challange as my free time is limited.

Now I have a problem so to speak...I met a great man. He seems to understand why I am doing what I'm doing. We've been "seeing" each other for 2 months now and always when the kids are not around. Usually this would be Friday nights when the kids stay over at a friends house.

I know this sounds a bit "dirty" but its much more than sex. These nights are very special as we talk before and after sex and frequintly until sunrise. The subjects range from relationships to religion and I must say we connect quite well intellectually.

When were not together we text all the time. This also sounds not right but its difficult to talk to him when the kids are around as I run the risk of them overhearing the conversation and forming an idea....

Unfortunately I cannot expect of him to re arrange his entire life whereas I'm not ready to "let him in" yet. He's going away with family this weekend and thus I cannot see him. He's asked if he could maybe see me quicly on Monday just before I pick up my kids....I now have a feeling that this might turn into a "booty call" situation and I can't even be angry at him if this is the case.

I really want to see him but definately not for quick sex. How do I handle this? And am I even doing the right thing here? Take into account that my kids have been badly hurt by a previous man in my life.

It sounds like you have found a great guy and you two communicate very well. So, why not just talk to him? Tell him how you feel: you want to see him but not for quick sex.

If you don’t feel good about having quick sex and it happens, you will only resent him later.

Therefore, follow your feelings. Take charge and decide where the meeting will take place. You can pick a cozy restaurant to have a breakfast or lunch meeting. If you want a little more intimate setting, make a picnic lunch, find a nice park to share some private time in a public place.

You wanna get to a guy's heart? #1) LISTEN TO HIM. #2) LET HIM FINISH (QUIT WAITING FOR MOMENTS TO INTERRUPT SO YOU CAN TALK ABOUT YOURSELF - feel free to express yourself, BRIEFLY(!) - A FEW WORDS - when he asks. If he's intrigued, he'll ask more. #4) DON'T BLABBER ON ABOUT YOURSELF WHEN NOT ASKED. #5) BE PATIENT. #6) BE GENUINELY INTERESTED. #7) IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU HEAR, MOVE ON. HE'S NOT THE GUY FOR YOU, NOR YOU FOR HIM. Guys like women who are genuinely inquisitive, willing to LISTEN, an 'interested' look on their face, and 'alluring' (when they want to know more about a woman who doesn't talk so much - now, that's alluring). Get him to a point where he's about to beg it out of you. Even then, DON'T TALK TOO MUCH. Short, Sweet, Simple. He won't be able to get you out of his mind. GUARANTEED

Bob, Bob, Bob... what am I going to do with you man? I understand where you are coming from. Every man has been there at some point. But first, you have to know, when you type a message in all caps on the internet it means you are YELLING! Once you start yelling no one wants to hear your point of view.

Now, did you know that (this is based on scientific proof) women speak on average 25,000 words a day compared to men who average 10,000 words per day. That means women speak an extra 15,000 words more than men. It appears (based on casual observation) that men don’t care if they don’t get their 10,000 in but women seem to have a need to express every last word every day.

Knowing that what men might consider excessive talking is a common characteristic of a lot of women and you want to have a conversation with a woman what do you do? You know that she has 15,000 more words to say than you so what do you do? Do you tell her to shut the f^(k up and listen or do you manage that characteristic and conversation another way?

I have a female friend of 20 years (just friends, no sex) who I hang out with. She is a lot of fun and I love her to death but she drives me crazy sometimes. I will be in mid sentence trying to make a point or share a thought but she often interrupts me and starts talking about a totally different subject.

When you have a friend that does little things to drive you crazy what do you do? Do you end the relationship over a quirky characteristic or do you realize that it is what it is and try to work around it? She talks a lot, talks a mile a minute, and drives me nuts but I love her so what is the best way to deal with her. Should I yell, scream, tell her to be more like a lady or just s.t.f.u?

No, you have to accept people as they are or don’t bother with them at all. Women drive men crazy because they talk too much. Men drive women crazy because we don’t often talk enough at times when they need us to. We have to realize that there are born and bred GOD created differences between men and women. The way in which men and women talk or communicate is one of those huge differences.

We simply have to learn to deal with it and not try to force a woman to communicate like a man and women should not try to force a man to communicate like one of her girlfriends.

Ok Doc here's my five cents. I've been dating this guy for about 2 months but dont let that fool you i am madly inlove with him.He stimulates my mind and we have great conversation. He seemed really sincere but about a week ago he told me that he had found a virgin. He said he actually met her before me and he met her mom and everything.Also a guy who liked me who i never gave the time of day told him i was a prostitute. Is this why he chose her over me. I respect him because he could of just tried to play me. He said he chose her because she felt more free and natural during intercourse.I made him feel restricted cause i wouldnt take my top all the way off. The reason i didnt introduce him to my dad was because i was afraid. My dad told me before he only wants to meet my husband. I was pretty hurt by that and i cant get him out of my mind. If i text he will text me back n say he still loves me but he hasnt really bothered to contact me off his own since then. I kinda wonder if he's just being polite. Doc should I persue this I love him with all my heart and we havent really spoken properly since he gave me the news about the virgin.

This guy has told you directly that he has chosen someone else. Whether or not his explanation is true or satisfactory to you he has told you that he has decided to be with someone else. Be happy that he was direct, chose not to "play" or string you along and just decide to move on.

Many people play the “something better” game. That is, they will be with you until something better or what they really want comes along. Once they tell you that the season is over don’t allow yourself to get eliminated in the play offs. So, just leave him alone and don't force him to play you off. The most you will get out of trying to continue to be with him is to be the other woman; one who he can cheat on his virgin with.

Now, no daddy wants to see evidence that his daughter may be promiscuous. Most fathers do not want to meet man after man whom he can only assume has slept with and done who know what to his daughter. Daddies do not want some dude or several dudes looking in his face knowing they just used his daughter sexually but have no intention on loving her eternally. Do you understand that? Your dad wants to always see you as his sweet, pure non-promiscuous little girl.

Every man secretly wants a virgin. Every man would like to know that he is the only man that his woman has ever been with. No man wants to think about or have to visualize his woman with her legs thrown up for another man. Every man wants a woman who he knows has not given up something of value for something desired. A man can never be sure, that a woman who willingly gave it up to him without demanding a commitment, will not just as easily give it up to another man.

Finally, there is no such thing as falling in love. Love or loving is a “choice” that we make. We decide or choose who we will love. Therefore, we can choose not to love as well. You can decide that you still love this guy or you decide that you are going to get over him and move on. Will you stop feeling like you still love him instantly? No! However, the more time that passes the easier it will get.

I think he's using u to get in your pants n if you were in your friends shoes think about her for a bit. You wouldnt like it done to u if the tables were turned and if he was good to your friend he wouldnt dare do such a thing.... If she knew wat he was saying to you wat do u think she should do.

Ok so do you give advice to married couples? I've been married for almost 20 years and I'm struggling. I have three kids and from the outside looking in all looks dandy. The truth is I feel hollow we have had issues ove the years - of course i know marriage is work. The difference between my husband and I is that I always see the bright side of life but he sees the darker side. He keeps telling me I live in a fairy land and I need to jus get on with it and be happy. He has a mean temper and has threatened me on a few occasions (hands around my throat). I believe you should try to make it work regardless of the situation. I must admit maybe he has been a challenge for me over the years and I want to show him life is good. He had a very abusive father and has never felt loved. His normal reaction to me is " have I done something wrong" " I'm just a useless b$!?!)(. I honestly feel he's hollow too anything to do with the house and the kids he tells me he's too tired and I don't get him and he is working for us too hard and he needs his own time. I am working too but leave intime to fetch kids from school and Cooke clean etc. He comes across as so angry at me that he has this huge shackle around his foot and its me and the kids. I can't call him during the day ow he says do you think I'm waiting on my hands for you to call me? You don't get it I'm busy I don't have time to chat to you do you think I'm a lazy b$/&!'b S now I feel I can't even phone him if I'm stuck and need him for th kids or anything. What is going on. I need to get inside the mans head. Even in bed if eel like a prostitute because he is so hollow and he is so detached. Help how do I fix this?

Dear Mrs Hollow:You are dealing with a problem that may be much bigger than what you know. The situation you described calls for professional intervention rather than advice from a blog. I would like you to click the following link:

http://fjcsafe.org/aboutdv.php

Answer the questions on the page and then you MUST make a decision. It may not be today or right away but at some point you will have to make a decision.

In the mean time (that time between where people are being mean to you and you decide what to do), you have to know that what is happening to you is NOT NOT NOT your fault. Secondly, understand that you cannot fix a MAN. The only person that can fix him is himself. You can try to fix the marriage but you cannot fix the man.

When you are ready, call the number you will find on the website to see if they can help you find resources in your local area.

Mrs Hollow story sounds like my situation minus the abuse. I'll kill a -------- if he ever put his hands around my neck!! With that said, I was married for 20 years, 3 kids. me -optimistic, him - moody and depressed...long story short, we've been divorced for 2 years...he lives with a man ..me, I'm healing and about to start dating....bet you didnt see that one coming!

Thank you for your support and recommendations. I'll take a look at what your recommend. As I'm sure you understand this is years of a situation you tend to get used to and accept. At times trying to be a good christian I say to myself that this is my challenge and my purpose to fix it. :). How in it can I fix our marriage but not my husband? Goodness me I keep looking skyward and really appreciating the fact that we only are given the crosses we can bear but really?. Thanks for hearing me

So I have been seeing my ex again. We have been spending time together for about 5 months now. We act like we are together, but we are not. I guess we are at the status of friends with benefits. There is always one thing that has bothered me the most & I know I can not talk to him about it like that. I know he is still thinking of her, his ex the one he dated before me for two years. I have this feeling that if she ever comes back which I doubt coz she has a bf already, he will take her back without thinking twice. I just wanna be the one he is thinking about. I wanna be the one he sees to have a future with. I don't like the feeling of being a second best. It seems like she is the only one that ever mattered to him, but she's now merely a ghost in his life. How will I get into his mind? Into his heart?

I've been dating this guy for 5 months. I am a single mother of a 4 yr old. The first 2 months we took things real slow, then I introduced my daughter. I've fallen in love with this man. I get along great with his daughters, and he has a 3 yr old grandson that my daughter loves to play with (He is my age just started young). Anyway, we go on day and overnight trips and do family things. Conversation is always flowing. We can talk about anything. Last week, he sat me down and said he wanted to be honest with me. Although I haven't told him, he said he can feel that I love him and have strong feelings for him. He said his feelings aren't at that point. He thinks we should just be friends. However, he said he really likes me alot, loves when my daughter and I come to his house and we do family things, wants to continue on with our vacation plans this summer, and that it is nothing I did it is him. I asked if it is the bedroom, and he said no. He said I am great. I told him there must be something he is seeking that I'm not providing, but he said he doesn't know. He doesn't know why he doesn't feel more then friendship. I am heartbroken. I thought this was my soulmate. I told him just because I fell for him so quickly does not mean I expect him to love me already, and unless he gives us a chance and we keep dating (meaning we are intimate), how will he know if his feelings will grow. Can a guy develop stronger feelings for a girl that he continues to do things with as a "friend" but not sleep with??? He has a lot of stress going on right now in his life with work and family, and I'm hoping the stress is not allowing him to feel more for me because he is preoccupied. Could this happen? Help! I don't want to lose him. We are suppose to go to a party this week just the two of us. It is going to be hard for me because I want more. What can I do to get him to want me as more then a friend?

Dear Dr, I need you to help me in my relationship. I have been dating this guy for over 5months everything was very nice and so sweet. But off late anytime we are having a conversation it turns into an argument. Even when am saying something just to play with him he takes it so serious and gets mad about it. It looks like we are always at cross minds. But I know he loves me and I do too but it hurts when during the arguments he always tells me that he is the man so I must listen and take what he says. But he is always quick to apologies after he says something to offend me. Dr I really want those unnecessary arguments to stop and also how do I make him understand me? Because am scared that if I always accept anything he says just to avoid argument it will get to a time I won't be happy in the relationship. Is there a way for two people to have a healthy communication skills without arguments or since we can't do that then we are not made for each other?

Dear Dr. I need you help, i met this guy online in May 2009 and after 2 months on chatting online he came to see me, we are in different countries. We spend 2 weeks together and he went back, he came after came again after 4 months and stayed for 2 weeks.He sounded serious and he wanted us to find ways of us being together because of the distance.When he came the 1st time i realized he lied about his age though he looked the same age he said on his profile but he was older.Then he didn't tell me that he just had a baby boy with his ex girlfriends whom he goes to see in another country. After 2 years of online dating he asked him if his kids (a daughter 16yrs and a son 14yrs)and family knows that he is dating me and he told me his family has nothing to with his life. I asked him to arrange a visa for me to go see him in his country but he never gives me an answer when. Its been 4yrs now and he has never told me what he really wants, he always says that we will be together one day but when i ask when he has no answer. This might sound crazy but i have been waiting for him for 4 yrs now and it is over 21 months since the last time i saw him, he says he loves but but economy does not allow him to be with me, his shipping business is not doing well and he cannot afford to come see me or arrange for me to go see him, up to now i have never talked to any of his friends or family.in those 4 years i have seen him 4 times that's an average of 10 days in each year. He still goes to see his 3rd son in another country every 3 or 6 months. i told him to come here and am sure he will get a job but he refused saying that since he has hearing problem he cannot get a job and remember he never told me this (he had hearing problem) when he started dating, i suggested that he can get hearing aid kit and he gave a lame excuse that they give him headache.Is this normal? Do you think this will ever end in marriage or am wasting my time waiting for him? please advice, i have given up hope, pleas help.

I'm dating a great guy and am looking to achieve excellence in my relationship. We are both busy with our careers and he travels worldwide frequently. We make time to connect by email , texts and phone calls We live in different countries but it has not been a hindrance. I see him often.just wondering how I bring it to the next level? He has told me if I was not independent he would not date me as he dislikes needy women. We are very compatible and enjoy similar interests and have deep meaningful conversation however I have not discussed " the future" not quite sure how as I don't want to pressure? I'm enjoying the journey but wandering about the destination?

Good day Doctor.Please do help me with this case. I've got this guy i knew since 2009 but our friend/rship didn't finish good(distant relationship)Whenever he's with me he hardly conversate, am the one to pick out words from his mouth but does show concern, he comes to see me on his free days from work(4/5hrs journey). He's never expressed his feelings towards, doesn't look me at the face when we talk(suspect he's shy and stammers a lil ). To cut it short, after a long break, later comes back to start from afresh but then i was pregnant for someone else and didn't know how to confront him with that cos i didn't want to ruin it and i gave him response like" I'll think about it". Seven months later after birth, i decided to let him know about it, he wasn't pleased i told him afterwards but took it cool and promised to see me next months. Suddenly, he stopped calling nor reply to my texts, when it's due for his visit i had to call to know how far, there he started talking about ending it all including his parents talks. Now, i want to know how to win back his heart, mind and spirit cos i still feel for him and he's the kinda guy i want beside me, what do i do, please advice?

Thanks so much for your replies and i thank God for your wisdom, it's been of good help to us.

I meet one guy twice .The second date we did have sex and from that laste date i didnt see him , he say he has some isues he need to fix. Is that mean that he gone ? I just believe that he lie to me about his probleme and that is just excuse to runaway

I would like to know if there is potentially something here. I met this guy we have the same major,both of our dads are pastors,we were born in the same state, moved to the same state around the same age, he is growing in Christ just like I am. And we have some of the same Relationship goals. He is everything I look for as far as a relationship, I definitely want him to be my soul mate but its Ultimately up to God.

Hi I need your advice and observation with my situationI met a guy and been attracted with his smile, I made a move by doing something that will close to his stomach and that way I got the chance to talk with him and known each other for a while until one day got the chance to sleep over with him yet nothing happen at all. A week atter he suddenly been cold don't want me to talk and see me anymore. He said he is not ready for a relationship. I accept and step backward. I feel bad to myself because I cannot resist the fact that Im still attached with him though I know I was taken for granted and rejected not. I tried many times to move on but I can't help my emotions not to text him once I think of him. I need your advice Pls and Thank you

I have been seeing an older man for four months. We are 15 years apart. I really care for him. I feel safe with him and have no fears or negative thoughts. When I have dated in the past I have had fear of being hurt due to my ex husban d. With this man I am seeing now I do not feel afraid. I asked him today what he thought about me. After a loooong pause he replied that I was a sweet women and he liked me. Then I asked him if he could see us in a more serious relationship. He replied "I seriously can't answer that. I mean it is possible."Our relationship now has been good. We see each other often. We are sexual but not everytime we are together. We cuddle and watch movies, talk and laugh alot. He is helping me get my car fixed. When ever I leave his house he always makes sure to telk me to call or text him when I get home. If I forget he makes sure to check on me. He has not been to my house because I have young children who he has not meet yet. My sitter watches my kids in my home. I have seen one of his daughters and two of his grandchlidren. He has not introduced me to them yet though. I would like to introduce him to my children but want to make sure this is going to have the hope of a longterm relationship. What do you think about his answers to my questions and oyr relationship so far? Do you have any advice? Thank you.

I have been seperated from my ex husband for a year. We were together for 11 years. We have three daughters. I dated various men after leaving him... to fill years of void and emotional/mental abuse? Possibly. I never did it in front of the girls. They would be with their dad when I would go out on a date. However, about a month ago i met a handsome man that got hired as staff, at the hospital I am employed at. We both work in the same department.While he was doing a procedure on a patient I was assigned to, we started talking... platonically. The usual where are you from and we found out we shared many common interests. This guy makes me laugh to tears!!! And we started exchanging txts. During work.... in the morning and late in our evenings. I look forward to our moments. He has his baggage though.... we have both opened up. He knows I like him and i know he likes me.... but he (being a doctor/professional) hates failling.

He has been hurt in the past... and just recently broke off with ex girlfriend of 2 years. He tells me he is trying to "work on things" but that there are fundamental issues as per why he broke off with her in the first place.

Most of the time our texts are platonic but he admits he looks forward to our conversations. We stimulate eachother intellectually and through humour

I dont want to stop. But i feel like i need advice on this one Please help. I like him and i see HUGE potential that we are a goodmatch. He has invited me twice over for wine and cheese... but i have refused politely.

I met this guy and brushed him off for two months (no dating or contact). Once we decided to go on dinner dates, things started happening fast. I work out of town, therefore, I only see him on the weekend, but I would be at home more if he asked me to. We use to text and call eachother everyday, but lately the dates, calls and texts are almost non-existent. He says that he cares about me and misses me, but he doesn't want a relationship right now (after five months) because he has a lot going on and admits that things with us did move pretty fast. I did ask if he was involved with someone else, but he said it was nothing like that and in my heart I felt that was an honest answer. His mom has cancer and he's taking care of her. I reach out to him for moral support all the time and also let him know how much I care, but I do not always get a response. He says that he does not want me to stop calling/texting, but I'm tired of trying. The communication between us really suck when are not together, but we give eachother undivided attention when we are b/c I make him smile/laugh. I hope I'm not being selfish by wanting more quality time, but feels like I'm wasting mine. Why wouldn't he want me around more? Should I try and stick it out? Please help!

I'm dating a man for 6 months. He was far away from me (different country). we started our relationship via social network. anyway we have meet 2 times (before we date). in 3 or 4 months of our date, everything is good. we keep in touch and chat a lot. but later on, the argues start occurs... sometime i feel upset because he didn't give me time as before, he always said he was busy. that kind of bad relationship is more worse, until i ask him to break up. then he told me we can stop being in relationship but he can't stop contact me because I already become the one in his life. That is the way he make me feel so complicated. I asking myself, he want me or not? should i continue this relationship or not? if i continue and he still acting like always busy like that. what should i do? whenever i try to talk with him, he always avoid and sometime he keep silent 1 or 2 days without text me a word. And when i ask him do we have to end this way?, his reply is "no one said we gonna end. it's you, say it, not me!" Please tell me now what should I do? I really complicated now!

PLEASE DO NOT, DO NOT, POST COMMENTS RELATED TO USING VOODOO OR WITCHCRAFT TO IMPROVE RELATIONSHIPS. THIS IS NOT NOT NOT THE BLOG FOR THAT. PLEASE RESPECT MY DEMAND AND FIND A BLOG WHERE THAT WILL BE APPRECIATED. THANK YOU!!!!

Good day doctor i just whant to ask you a question i have a boyfriend we are dateing for 6 monts going for 7 monts but the problem is when he was with me by me i did not have problems he tolk me home and he loved me and everything but when he went away from me he is gone for almost 2 monts i must call him ask him how is he all the staff i must first say good morning when i call him he is short off with me why. Plz what can i do safe our relatiship i truelly love him plz help me.

I have reconnected with a man whom I knew some 36 yrs ago. We have met and had conversation and when he went to hug me he ask me if I smoked I told him a little white lie our conversations are not the same as they were before meeting up with him cause I told the little white lie. Since I have quit smoking. And he is not talking to me as he did prior. What can I do to get him to change his mind and give us a chance?

Could use some advice: 30yrs old divorced for a year. Been talking to a guy 29 divorced 3yrs. Both due to infidelity (the other partners cheated) I'm ready to move on and be with someone. Have dated several ppl but no connections with any, but this guy..strong instant connection. We have mostly just talked. Only hung out twice he stayed the night (just cuddling and kissing) very respectful and sweet guy. He seemed to and said multiple time he enjoyed it. Wanted to do it again. Problem started 3 days later when he heard a song played in his wedding and he hasn't completely shut me out but things haven't been the same. He says he is working on himself and trying to get over her and the hurt. I really have some VERY strong feelings for this guy. He seemed to have had some in return, not as strong as mine but he did seem very interested, based on his actions and the way he'd look at me. My question is how or can I help him? How do I back off to give him space without making him think I've lost interest? How do I not overwhelm him and seem needy when I just want him to know that I'm here and I do want to be with him when he's ready? I usually don't hear from him unless I contact him. He is very damaged from his past and I fully respect that he wants/needs to heal before moving on. He has dated in the past but i think its always came to an end because of his past, so is this a good thing that maybe his feelings for me have given him motivation to finally try to put it behind him?? I know that I want him, just feel like I'm walking on egg shells cuz Idk how to handle the situation and don't wanna mess up a chance with him.

Dear doctor,I love a guy for 1.5 years , i had the happiest times in my life, like you said we had the spirit merged....no one can replace him or replace me in his heart....but due to my other frustrations in life i was mentally stupid and dumped frustrations onto him..i dint mean it though but i made him think if he really loved me..i apologized and i am like half dead because i cannot be without him, he said his heart refuses me now, so i said i will win your heart and after that only i will have any physical contact..please give me valuable advice doctor...i want to be with him forever

I hope i would be able to state my case well. Im in a friends with benefits kind of relationship this time. I wanted to let go but i just cant find the courage to go. Im afraid to be alone and the reality that i will be left alone scared me a lot. Until now i am still hoping and trying my best to change the situation (meaning he will commit already). Weve been dating for almost a year, he does everything that i ask him to do (which made me believe he loves me). Out of the many demands, he failed to do one thing, letting go of his ex. They still communicate even f the ex is abroad. I once told him that we need to end watever relationship that we have, he didnot refused but he cried. So i decided to get reconsider. I beelieve we are in a relationship now like real boyfriends and girlfriends. I got my confidence but still disappointed because i can still see messages from his ex and missed call from him to her ex. I hope i could hear some comments from u, even if u cant, i still thank u for the venue ro express my thoughts. Thank u.

Well, I have been dating this really nice guy for 3 weeks now. Everything was going SO great. We had a lt of fun hanging out together, even went Christmas shopping together. He is very well-mannered (opened all doors for me, never swore in front of me, always pulled out chairs for me, etc), very polite. We made out (kissing only) for the last week of it, and he brought up sex. Of course. He said that he was having a hard time restraining. I said oh? And he explained to me because he didn't want to do that and then in a month we don't get along or we don't like each other. I said that I am totally fine with waiting, as I don't want to jump into bed either and it not be right. So, we cuddled on the couch a bit more until it was time for him to go, he said he would call me later. A whole day went by until he contacted me. I had texted him a few times and called once. He contacted me via text. He apologized for being a jerk to me and said that I am "so awesome" but he "knows how will not be able to give me what I deserve". He then said "I'm terrified of hurting people and please just let me (him) run away, I know you deserve better". I don't understand at all. He told me that I am so sweet, kind, funny, and beautiful. And that I am an amazing person. He wants told me that just because he is nice to me doesn't make him as great as a man as I make him feel, but he I make him want to be the great man. So? What happened? What did I do? And what can I do to save this? I have never felt so much for someone before. (I am 40, he is 35, we both are divorced). And I haven't contacted him since, he requested space, so I will respect that. Help.... Please. Thank you.

PLEASE DO NOT, DO NOT, POST COMMENTS RELATED TO USING VOODOO OR WITCHCRAFT TO IMPROVE RELATIONSHIPS. THIS IS NOT NOT NOT THE BLOG FOR THAT. PLEASE RESPECT MY DEMAND AND FIND A BLOG WHERE THAT WILL BE APPRECIATED. THANK YOU!!!!

YOU PEOPLE WHO FOLLOW THAT WITCH DOCTOR ARE VERY DISRESPECTFUL. EVERY DAY I HAVE TO DELETE YOUR COMMENTS. YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME POSTING THEM HERE. SO I AM GOING TO ASK ONCE AGAIN: PLEASE DO NOT, DO NOT, POST COMMENTS RELATED TO USING VOODOO OR WITCHCRAFT TO IMPROVE RELATIONSHIPS. THIS IS NOT NOT NOT THE BLOG FOR THAT. PLEASE RESPECT MY DEMAND AND FIND A BLOG WHERE THAT WILL BE APPRECIATED. THANK YOU!!!!

NASTY EVIL PEOPLE CONTINUING TO POST CRAP ABOUT CASING SPELLS ON MY BLOG. I'VE ASKED YOU SEVERAL TIMES NOT TO DO THAT. BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE EVIL YOU DON'T CARE. YOU JUST WANT TO TRAP VULNERABLE PEOPLE IN YOUR WEB OF EVIL.YOU PEOPLE WHO FOLLOW THAT WITCH DOCTOR ARE VERY DISRESPECTFUL. EVERY DAY I HAVE TO DELETE YOUR COMMENTS. YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME POSTING THEM HERE. SO I AM GOING TO ASK ONCE AGAIN: PLEASE DO NOT, DO NOT, POST COMMENTS RELATED TO USING VOODOO OR WITCHCRAFT TO IMPROVE RELATIONSHIPS. THIS IS NOT NOT NOT THE BLOG FOR THAT. PLEASE RESPECT MY DEMAND AND FIND A BLOG WHERE THAT WILL BE APPRECIATED. THANK YOU!!!!

THERE ARE STILL A FEW NASTY EVIL PEOPLE WHO CONTINUE TO IGNORE MY DEMAND TO STOP POSTING ADVERTISEMENTS FOR A WITCH DOCTOR. IF HE WAS THAT GOOD, AND NOT AN EVIL FRAUD, HE WOULD NOT HAVE PEOPLE POSTING - EVERYDAY - ON MY BLOG. IF HE WAS SOOOOO GOOD, HE WOULD HAVE HIS OWN BLOG AND WEBSITE THAT PEOPLE WOULD BE FLOCKING TO... IF YOU HAVE SCROLLED PAST ALL OF MY MESSAGES DEMANDING THAT YOU STOP POSTING ADS PROMOTING SPELLS, VOODOO, ETC, YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE JUST PLAIN NASTY AND EVIL!!

About Me

DrWill holds a Ph.D. in Religious Studies and is President/CEO of Firstworld Publishing. He has 30 years experience providing assistance to men, women, and children involved in volatile to violent family disputes to repair and improve their relationships. Dr Will specializes in helping people profit from their gifts, talents, and abilities. He has delivered his award winning brand of coaching to thousands including members of Congress, the military, and students guiding them to achieve excellence in their fields as well as in their personal relationships. He has authored many books including: The Order of GOD for the Family, Strengthening the Family, Healing the Wounded Woman, and The Duty of Man; the Power of Woman. DrWill911 is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to drwill911.blogspot.com (amazon.com, endless.com or smallparts.com)