Tuesday, July 03, 2007

MilF Tips: Iron Maiden Can Teach Us a Lot About the TPC at Valleywood #9

NOTE: This is the ninth installment of an 18-part series introducing MilFers to the Home Course. It is funded by a grant from the Foundation to Provide LearnedFoot Shit to Write About When There's Nothing to write About. The following post is 100% original material. No content herein has been cribbed from the AP or any other source. Except for the picture. And some Iron Maiden quotes.

VALLEYWOOD #9

"22 Acacia Avenue"

If you're feeling down, depressed and lonely after the grueling Eighth, this hole will not improve your condition. A long par 4, playing a ridiculous 450 yards from the MilF tees, you'd better hit 'em long and straight, or be prepared to pay the price. If you're capable of such things, your best play is right down the middle or slightly to the left side of the fairway. Or, if you're like Your Humble Tipster, the Eighth fairway is always a viable option. Hit the ball too far right, and it'll lead you to ruin.

Even with a respectable drive, you'll probably still need to use a fairway wood to get over the trees inside the slight bend of the fairway. Take care not to kill someone on the driving range with your second shot. Trust me. When you launch one into the range, everybody stops and turns to stare at you.

LEARNEDFOOT'S SECRET TIP: As the slow play ofsomeparticipants has been an issue in past MilFs, if you're waiting for a long time for the rest to do their piece, feel free to hit into the group ahead of you here. The ranger might thank you.

But if assault with a deadly sphereoid isn't your thing, then just relax, grab a beer and a dog at the turn, and recharge your batteries. The back 9 is a relentless harlot.

You can take my honest word for it shall teach you more than you can know.