Looking for “Mr. Right Now”

Nutella, our featured reader-lettersender, asks Migs if it is okay to have a boypren-boyprenan, a trophy boyfriend, someone to help one get by emotionally, mentally, and physically while waiting for Mr. Right. The naturally conservative guy in me shouts “noooo!” as the idea violates the sanctity of a relationship based on true love, and therefore (in my mind), exclusivity brought about not by unbridled selfishness but by the soul’s innate need for a unique and singular focus from the other party. But because I have a healthy skepticism of my own opinion, I’d let you dear MGG readers share your own, perhaps contrary, opinion.

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Hi Migs,

Greetings of love and world peace! Let me start by saying that I’m a big fan of your blog. Through it, I have gained more knowledge and a better understanding of what it’s like to be a gay man. I can safely say that I’m a well-experienced gay man myself. By well-experienced, I mean that I have, at least once in my life, tried most of the things that gay men can only imagine (or dream of) doing.

Inspite of and despite my experiences, I still consider myself a lonely man. I have been through a lot and after my promiscuity stage and 3 failed relationships, I now belong to the Tribe of the Jaded. And this is where I come to you to seek advice and ideas from you and your readers about my current state of mind.

For what seemed like an eternity, I searched for my so-called Mr. Right. I have been to places where no gay man has gone before, I have gone to uncharted waters, I have tried every single tip listed on the fictional Gay Man’s Guide to Finding Mr. Right — but none of these worked. Now I’m so jaded to the point that I’d be more than happy to have a fake boyfriend, or as my friends call it: boypren-boyprenan. Others would call it a Mr. Right Now.

Would it be wrong if I enter into a pseudo-relationship with another guy knowing that that relationship will not last for long? Is it wrong to ask for something which will help me get by emotionally, mentally, and physically while I’m waiting for Mr. Right? (And no, I’m not looking for just a fuck buddy). Is it wrong to want a trophy boyfriend — someone you play around with in a make-believe relationship?

I hope you and your readers can shed some light to me about this.

Thank you, more power and world peace!

Sincerely,Nutella (Not my real name of course)

Comments (20)

let’s face it, hindi tayo normal. oo tama na magmahal ng tama at maghintay for the right person, pero alam naman natin na sa mga tulad natin, lahat ay walang kasiguraduhan. have you heard of two men na 80 years old na, sila pa ren? i’m not saying that we are hopeless cases, but these would only boil down to being thankful for what we have, kung ano ang ibinigay—panandalian man o pang habambuhay—-mr right now man o si mr. right na talaga. the reason why we come up with a Mr. right is because we always look at our cups as half-empty instead of half-full.

I’m about to turn 30 and I’m already feeling a bit old. Like you, I felt that I’ve been through everything this lifestyle has to offer: fell in love, felt loved, got used, abused, and in return, used some to get by my in-between stages. But is there really a Mr. Right Now? Much more, is there even a Mr. Right?

“It takes time and adjustment for two people to make a healthy relationship. There are no guarantees, and only those who are willing to try and fail at relationships will eventually have a healthy one.”
“Kasi all of us have this “ideal relationship” in our heads, na pag hindi natin nakuha, we think hte guy we are with is already not the Mr. Right.”
“There is no such thing as Mr Right!”

Get yourself a trophy bf and you will still end up lonely and unhappy. Don’t be defined by your failed relationships but be guided by what you have learned and lost.

Some times Mr. Right Now is all we need and can handle at the time. But it would suck for the Mr. Right Now to fall inlove with you and end up being hurt because you dont feel the same way. That’s karma I wouldn’t want. So in the long run, fuck buddies, unless you really mean well for the other person. Mr. Right comes for those who are ready to love (again). Cause if you’re really ready for love, you wouldn’t settle for Mr. Right Now/Trophy BF?
Just my thoughts, good luck.

in your lifetime you’re going to encounter a lot of mr. rights….. they will offer you a lot of things – experiences, joys, heartaches, joys again and heartaches again… but sometimes you have to look it this way… all of these add-up to your personality as a gay man and in turn, however-you-may-want-to-take-these- experiences, will make you stronger… it’s difficult i tell you,only a few of the total gay population “really have a Mr Right”…..haaay kape nga…

in reality mr. right is just few for us… I undergo the same situation like you having a trophy boyfriend but it end up nothing i just feel and loses interest on him.. worst it end up with a major controversy then. But it brought out something a much better and interesting twist in my life. Bieng single is happy. Just having a companion to everyone changes thing. Just remember to go on with moral norms. You will not feel loneliness… Just Enjoy life.

There’s no Mr. Right because nobody’s perfect. Even the others’ Mr. Rights have something wrong. So, just search and search and savor the moments for I believe that we cannot have everything in this world. Happiness entails pain and sorrow. If there’s light there’s darkness, a short and a long of everything. High and low. Land and sky. Laughter and tears. We feel the other because of its opposite. Therefore if we just think harder, there’s no Mr. Right for there will always be something wrong with him We are not angels.And even angels have demons as their counterparts. Quo vadis? Just be happy and accept what this world has to offer. Ultimately, it is our outlook in life that counts.

There is no such thing as Mr Right! At least you won’t know till you’ve been dating for awhile. If you see someone that has some traits that you like, then go for it. Nobody knows if it’ll turn into a wonderful relationship.
I think we Filipinos have this notion of a fairytale romance. Even among gay guys, we like to know there’s someone out there who fits our description of Mr. Right and we’ll fall in love at first sight. Girl, it’s a myth. Infatuation lang iyon. It takes time and adjustment for two people to make a healthy relationship. There are no guarantees, and only those who are willing to try and fail at relationships will eventually have a healthy one.

One question comes to mind when I read your letter – would a boypren-boyprenan make you happy? Kasi if “it” will, who are we to say that it’s not right.

I guess masasabi ko that Ive been in the same situation, pero I ended up lonelier. Kasi all of us have this “ideal relationship” in our heads, na pag hindi natin nakuha, we think hte guy we are with is already not the Mr. Right. Baka naman you saw the Mr. Right or maybe you’ve spent some time with him already, pero you thought he wasnt good enough.

Mga kafatid, itgil na ang kahibangan. There is no Mr. Right. Lagi lang tayo dpat thankful sa kung anong meron tayo, and stop looking for trophies to show around. If the guy respects you and will love you for who you are i think thats more than enough.

definitely not. pretending that u found what u desired most is tantamount to fooling yourself. give yourself a break. you are just trying to please your acquaintances in expense of your own happiness. you have been looking for mr right but fate failed you. i guess you are looking for him at the wrong place and time. or you missed noticing your mr right because of your high expectations. why dont you try to overhaul your standard, atleast make it reasonable. in that way, meeting mr right is plausible.

@Nutella
You need to answer that question (is it wrong) yourself. Do you feel that if you do go into a relationship with a “Mr. Right Now”, that it will compromise your own set of morals? Would you feel that you are short changing yourself? Would you feel comfortable knowing this? Does the other person also know that he is just “Mr. Right Now”? Does he mind? Do you mind? Do you mind that he does/doesn’t mind?

There is no right or wrong answer here…. I would however take this as an opportunity to know yourself better. Take a chance. People who pass in our lives, be they be temporary or permanent, have a purpose. They teach us who we are or show us a glimpse of who we are suppose to be. If a person leaves you, say thank you even if they were just a footnote in your life’s book.

do both parties agree in that setup?
‘
i think its ok. should both parties agree. who knows.. baka ma-inlove ka din dyan in the end.. and “mr. right-now” turns into “mr. right”..
‘
otherwise.. thatd be stupid, insensitive and desperate of you.

“make mistakes while your young and don’t forget to learn from them, yes you’ve mistaken but atleast you have tasted a little bit of everything, and knew better about what’s right from what’s wrong”
– WEL LARA

who knows.. mr. right now might actually become mr. right when you learn to love him for who he is… and he learns to love you for all that you are. just play fair. try not to lose each other’s respect. good luck!

I am emotionally committed to my boyfriend right now though there is no assurance that we’ll be together until the end. I always have the urge to look for someone who can fulfill my fantasies but I always end up dreaming. I know it is a natural thing to do-having a boypren-boyprenan but I am scrupled to go for it. I don’t know what is wrong with me and I pity myself for being envious all the time of my gay friends who have other experiences…

actually, there is this gay guy dating book entitled Mr Right Is Out There. i got it in Europe two years ago, i haven’t seen a copy of the book here though. the book has a very psychological approach to dating, but i find it very helpful. however, if you’ll ask me about its effectivity, i have actually not put its lessons into practice. i have been very busy with school and work. anyhow, by all means, get a copy of the book. good luck in your manhunt. ciao!