Coffee Break

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A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked “Is my time up?”

God said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even
had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth!

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as
well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded,
“I thought you said I had another 43 years.
Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?”

God replied:

“I didn’t recognize you!”

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

How A Man Discover And Lady Enjoys…

The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,

The woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.
The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
The woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.
The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
The woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.
The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
The woman discovered LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES.
The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
The woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.
Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things…
While the women STUCK to shopping…. …

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Why Some People Seem to have all the Luck

Richard Wiseman

Why do some people have all the luck while others never get the breaks they deserve? I set out to examine luck, 10 years ago. Why are some people always in the right place at the right time, while

others consistently experience ill fortune? I placed advertisements in national newspapers asking for people who felt consistently lucky or unlucky to contact me.

Hundreds of extraordinary men and women volunteered for my research and over the years, have been interviewed by me. I have monitored their lives and had them take part in experiments. The results reveal that although these people have almost no insight into the causes of their luck, their thoughts and behaviour are responsible for much of their good and bad fortune. Take the case of seemingly chance opportunities. Lucky people consistently encounter such opportunities, whereas unlucky people do not.

I carried out a simple experiment to discover whether this was due to differences in their ability to spot such opportunities. I gave both lucky and unlucky people a newspaper, and asked them to look

through it and tell me how many photographs were inside. I had secretly placed a large message halfway through the newspaper saying: `Tell the experimenter you have seen this and win $50`.

This message took up half of the page and was written in type that was more than two inches high. It was staring everyone straight in the face, but the unlucky people tended to miss it and the lucky people tended to spot it. Unlucky people are generally more tense than lucky people, and this anxiety disrupts their ability to notice the unexpected. As a result, they miss opportunities because they are too focused on looking for something else. They go to parties intent on finding their perfect partner and so miss

opportunities to make good friends. They look through newspapers determined to find certain types `of job advertisements and miss other types of jobs. Lucky people are more relaxed and open, and therefore see what is there rather than just what they are looking for. My research eventually revealed that lucky people generate good fortune via four principles. They are skilled at creating and noticing chance opportunities, make lucky decisions by listening to their intuition, create self-fulfilling prophesies via positive expectations, and adopt a resilient attitude that transforms bad luck into good.

I wondered towards the end of the work, whether thede principles could be used to create good luck. I asked a group of volunteers to spend a month carrying out exercises designed to help them think and behave like a lucky person. Dramatic results! These exercises helped them spot chance opportunities,

listen to their intuition, expect to be lucky, and be more resilient to bad luck. One month later, the volunteers returned and described what had happened. The results were dramatic: 80 per cent of people were now happier, more satisfied with their lives and, perhaps most important of all, luckier. The lucky people had become even luckier and the unlucky had become lucky. Finally, i had found the elusive `luck factor`. 1) Listen to your gut instincts – they are normally right. 2) Be open to new experiences and breaking your normal routine. 3) Spend a few moments each day remembering things that went well. 4) Visualise yourself being lucky before an important meeting or telephone call.

Have a Lucky day and work for it.

Richard Wiseman

The author of `The Luck Factor teaches at the University of Hertfordshire.

Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make everything. Correct?

Student: Yes.

Prof: So who created evil?

(Student does not answer.)

Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?

Student: Yes, sir.

Prof: So, who created them?

(Student has no answer.)

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son…Have you ever seen God?

Student: No, sir.

Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?

Student: No, sir.

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?

Student: No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student: Yes.

Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Prof: Yes.

Student: And is there such a thing as cold?

Prof: Yes.

Student: No sir. There isn’t.

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold . Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat . We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy . Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it .(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?

Student: You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light….But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it’s called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?

Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor.Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher? (The class is in uproar.)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

(The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain,sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Prof: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.

Student: That is it sir…. The link between man & god is FAITH . That is all that keeps things moving & alive.

NB: I believe you have enjoyed the conversation…and if so…you’ll probably want your friends/colleagues to enjoy the same…won’t you?….

this is a true story, and the student was none other than……… APJ Abdul Kalam, the former President of India .

A man walks into a supermarket and notices a beautiful woman staring at him. She stares for quite some time, so finally the man asked “Do I know you?” The woman answers “I think you’re the father of one of my kids“.

The man thinks for a minute then realizes this kid she is talking about must be the result of the one and only time he ever cheated on his wife. So he says to the woman “Are you the stripper that was at my best friend’s bachelor party about 5 years ago?”
“You know, the one I had sex with on the pool table while your friend spanked my bare ass with a whip?
The woman looks at him horrified and says
“No, I’m your son’s teacher”

Why I fired my Secretary…I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, ‘Happy Birthday!’ and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone ‘Happy Birthday.’ I thought… Well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids…They will remember. My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn’t say a word.

Last week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up on that morning.

So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, ‘Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday‘ It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o’clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, ‘You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.’ I said, ‘Thanks, Jane, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!’

We went to lunch. But we didn’t go where we normally would go. She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, ‘You know, It’s such a beautiful day… We don’t need to go straight back to the office, Do We?’ I responded, ‘I guess not. What do you have in mind?’ She said, ‘Let’s drop by my apartment, it’s just around the corner.’

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, ‘Boss, if you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.’ ‘Ok.’ I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake …Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing ‘Happy Birthday’. And I just sat there…On the couch… Naked!!!

______________________________________________

What Were the Credit Card Companies Thinking?

Is it just me, or is there something fundamentally weird about the idea that it takes an act of Congress to make credit card issuers spell out their terms in plain English and treat customers fairly? In case you missed it, President Obama just called on Congress to stop card companies from abusing customers. In his weekly radio address he said, “[customers] have a right to not get ripped off by the sudden rate hikes, unfair penalties, and hidden fees that have become all too common…”

You think?

The only way we could have gotten to this point is if industry executives reasoned that the smartest strategy was to confuse and bleed their customers. I would love to have been a fly on the wall for those strategy conversations.

Jane: “I’m thinking that we should build our business by transparently offering customers the best value for their money.”
Bob: “I have a better idea: we’ll confound them with fine print and convoluted fees and penalties and exploit their ignorance until–until Congress stops us!

Let me see. Which is going to be the better long term strategy?

Harvard Business School Professors Youngme Moon and Gail McGovern wrote a prescient article in the June 2007 HBR entitled “Companies and the Customers Who Hate Them.” They argued that firms that consciously and cynically exploit their customers may profit in the short term but will ultimately pay dearly. If Congress doesn’t punish them, customers and competitors will. While Moon and McGovern focused on some of the more famous customer abusers–banks, cell-phone service providers, and the health club industry–their cautionary advice applies to any company that builds exploitation into its model.

They advised executives to ask themselves four questions about their business:

Are our most profitable customers those who have the most reason to be dissatisfied with us?

Do we have rules we want customers to break because doing so generates profits?

Do we make it difficult for customers to understand or abide by our rules, and do we actually help customers break them?

Do we depend on contracts to prevent customers from defecting?

In this economic environment, no company can afford to abuse customers. To paraphrase the authors, great CEOs recognize and seize opportunities; they also identify and eliminate vulnerabilities. If you answer yes to any of the above questions, your company is vulnerable.
Expose these practices and dismantle them now.

There was a time in the late sixties and early seventies when Mrs. Gandhi increased the maximum income-tax rate to 99%. Mr Palkhiwala (tax and constitutional expert) instantly reacted that he would stop working the moment he reached that level of income.

We have experienced hard core socialism during her regime and certainly don’t need any such experiments to drive home the point.

“The problem with socialism is that eventually you run out of other people’s money.” – Margaret Thatcher

An economics professor at Texas Tech said he had never failed many students at one time except on the occasion when he failed an entire class. That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer. The professor then said ok, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism.

All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would be outstanding. After the first test the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. But, as the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too; so they studied little. The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around the average was an F.

The scores never increased as bickering, blame, and name calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else. All failed, to their great surprise. The professor then told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great; but when all the reward is taken away, no one will work to succeed.

If your workplace is like many these days, all eyes are on the boss. The numbers aren’t good, the senior team is huddling, and change is in the air. Everyone studies their supervisor’s every move and utterance for clues to the danger ahead.

It turns out this isn’t just a rational response to uncertainty; it’s in our evolutionary biology.

The alpha, of course, does not return the favor. Noting this imbalance, biologist Michael R.A. Chance concluded that the whole key to a social group’s hierarchy is its “attention structure.” Want to know who’s high on the totem pole and who’s low? Take note of who pays attention to whom.

Humans have evolved a bit beyond the need to check on the boss every 20 seconds, but the basic phenomenon remains that subordinates in an organization study the behavior of bosses far more closely than bosses study subordinates. Bob Sutton of Stanford University, who’s writing a book on bad bosses and how not to be one, told me this is the key to understanding why bosses so frequently disappoint–and why it’s almost impossible for them to do anything but disappoint their charges in a downturn. The boss’s natural tendency to be inattentive seems like brutal callousness at a moment when people are feeling vulnerable. And, with the sense of danger in the air causing everyone to watch the boss even more closely than before, no dopey moves go unnoticed.

Hearing this, it occurred to me that maybe we should cut bosses a little more slack than we do. But Sutton doesn’t want to let them off the hook. In “How to Be a Good Boss in a Bad Economy,” in the June issue of HBR (available online next week), he urges managers to be more mindful of the scrutiny they are under, and of their own relative cluelessness about their people’s state of mind–and to work hard at counteracting those tendencies.

Especially in troubled times, he says, you must realize that your people are looking at you, and know what they’re looking to you for: more predictability of events, more understanding of what’s going on, more control over outcomes, and more compassion. Provide these, and you’ll find you can return all the anxious glances by looking your people in the eye.

You will never know what the total cost of your education was, but for a lifetime you will recall and relive the memories of schools and colleges. Few years from now, you will forget the amount you paid to settle the hospitalization bill, but will ever cherish having saved your mother’s life or the life you get to live with the just born. You won’t remember the cost of your honeymoon, but to the last breath remember the experiences of the bliss of togetherness. Money has no memory. Experience has.

Good times and bad times, times of prosperity and times of poverty, times when the future looked so secure and times when you didn’t know from where the tomorrow will come… life has been in one way or the other a roller-coaster ride for everyone. Beyond all that abundance and beyond all that deprivation, what remains is the memory of experiences. Sometimes the wallet was full… sometimes even the pocket was empty. There was enough and you still had reasons to frown. There wasn’t enough and you still had reasons to smile. Today, you can look back with tears of gratitude for all the times you had laughed together, and also look back with a smile at all the times you cried alone. All in all, life filled you with experiences to create a history of your own self, and you alone can remember them all.

The first time you balanced yourself on your cycle without support… The first time she said ‘yes’ and it was two years since you proposed… The first cry… the first steps… the first word… the first kiss… all of your child… The first gift you bought for your parents and the first gift your daughter gave you… The first award… the first public appreciation… the first stage performance… And the list is endless…Experiences, with timeless memory… No denying that anything that’s material cost money, but the fact remains the cost of the experience will be forgotten, but the experience never.

So, what if it’s economic recession? Let it be, but let there not be a recession to the quality of your life. You can still take your parents, if not on a pilgrimage, at least to the local temple. You can still play with your children, if not on an international holiday, at least in the local park. It doesn’t cost money to lie down or to take a loved one onto your lap. Nice time to train the employees, create leadership availability and be ready for the wonderful times when they arrive. Hey! Aspects like your health, knowledge development and spiritual growth are not economy dependent.

Time will pass… economy will revive… currency will soon be in current… and in all this; I don’t want you to look back and realize you did nothing but stayed in gloom. Recession can make you lose out on money.

Let it not make you lose out on experiences… If you are not happy with what you have, no matter how much more you have, you will still not be happy.

Make a statement with the way you live your life: How I feel has nothing to do with how much I have.

What is Alcohol?
Alcohol is obtained after breaking down natural sugar of grain into C0_2 , ethanol or ethyl alcohol and residual content. Yeast from grains and vegetables changes the sugar into alcohol. From the cheapest beer to the most expensive wine or after dinner liqueur, all alcohol is made with the same fermentation process. The different colours, tastes, potencies and flavours come from the different fruits or vegetables used as well as the additives, by-products and diluting substances employed during the fermentation process.

Why should you never drink on an empty stomach?
Experts say eating food before drinking retains alcohol in the ~ where it is absorbed slowly into the blood stream. This gives the liver more time to break the alcohol down. Otherwise, it is directly absorbed without being broken down into simpler compounds into the blood stream. This can be harmful for the liver and general health. The kick comes when the alcohol is absorbed into the bloodstream directly and slows down the central nervous system. The absorbed alcohol blocks some of the commands the brain sends to the body; hence the reflexes and reactions are slower.

Does drinking water before or between drinks help you hold your drink better?
Dehydration causes your blood volume to go down and alcohol will cause it to go down further. So make it a habit to drink enough water before you go out for a hard drink. Experts say in case of alcohol consumption, the bigger you are the better it is. Big people have a larger quantity of blood, so alcohol they take in is more diluted as it mixes with the blood. Women are generally smaller than men. They also have proportionately more fat and less water in their bodies and so the entration of alcohol in their blood is higher for the same amount drunk.

What goes better with Whisky – Water or Soda?
Whisky is preferred with water more than soda as soda is carbonated water and it kills the taste of whisky. But real connnoisseurs of whisky like to have it neat or with water on side or with two cubes of ice.

What is Single Malt?
Single malt is so-called because the malt comes from a single distillery. It is a whisky refined by a single distillery, using malted barley as the only grain ingredient. Each distillery has its own distinct taste, flavour and style and single malts bear that. Some world-renowned single malts are Glenfiddich, Glenmorangie, Glenlivet, Glenkinchie and if you move into the rare varieties, Port Ellen. Enjoying a single malt is a connoissseur’s job and you have to learn to be one. A single grain, as distinct from a single malt, is a grain whisky made at one distillery, while the single malt is made with barley.

What is Blended Whisky?
Blended whisky is a mixture of single malt whiskys and ethanol derived from grains. Developed for those who could not stommach the strong taste of whisky, it is a combination of malt and grain whiskys. First distilled and bottled by Andrew Usher in Edinburgh in the early 1860s, it turned out to be softer, lighter and more palatable. The character of the whisky is determined not only by the proportions of malt and grain whisky, but also by the ages of the individual whiskies and the manner in which they are combined to bring out the finest qualities in each other. Most whisky drunk across the world is blended whisky. Famous Grouse, Bells, Teacher’s, Whyte & Mackay and Johnnie Walker are a few that are well-known.

What is the difference between Whisky and Whiskey?
Alcohol, malted or not, made from grain which is produced in Scotland is called WHISKY, while it is called WHISKEY if it is produced in USA or Ireland. American whiskey is called Bourbon and is made from grain. Bourbon is at least 51 per cent corn or maize. Scotch whisky is generally double distilled, while Irish whiskey is generally distilled three times. Wheat whisky is the rarest whisky. Rye whiskies are mostly popular within the US. Scotch whisky is whisky that has been distilled and matured in Scotland for at least three hours in oak casks.

What is Cognac?
The wines of Poitou, La Rochelle and Angoumois, produced from high quality vineyards, were shipped to Northern Europe where they were enjoyed by the English, Dutch and Scandinavians as early as the 13th century. In the 16th century, they were transformed into eau-de-vie, then matured in oak casks to become Cognac.. That was the start of the adventure for a town, which was to become the capital of a world famous trade.

Cognac is a living thing. During its time in the oak casks it is in permanent contact with the air. This allows it to extract the substances from the wood that give both its colour and its final bouquet.

Ageing is indispensable if an eau-de-vie is to become Cognac. It takes place in casks or barrels that hold between 270 and 450 litres. The natural humidity of the cellars, in which the casks are stored, with its influence on evaporation, is one of the determining factors in the maturing process. With the balance between humidity and dryness, the spirit becomes mellow and ages harmoniously.

Making Cognac is the work of the Master Blender. Applying strict control, experience and intuition, he subtly blends eaux-de-vie of different ages and crus, producing a Cognac that through the years will not only retain its own personality, but will also keep a place in the heart of the consumer.

What is the difference between Scotch, Irish, Rye and Bourbon Whiskies?

Scotch Whisky is whisky, which has been distilled and matured in Scotland. Irish Whiskey means whiskey distilled and matured in Ireland. Whisky is distilled in Scotland from malted barley in Pot Stills and from malted and unmalted barley or other cereals in Patent Stills. The well-known brands of Scotch Whisky are blends of a number of Pot Still and Patent Still whiskies. Irish Whiskey distillers tend to favour three distillations rather than two, as is general in Scotland in the case of Pot Still whiskies and the range of cereals used is wider.

As regards Bourbon Whiskey, the United States Regulations provide:

(i) that Bourbon Whiskey must be produced from a mash of not less than 51% corn grain;

(ii) that the word ‘Bourbon’ shall not be used to describe any whiskey or whiskey-based distilled spirits not produced in the United States.

Rye Whiskey is produced both in the United States and Canada but the name has no geographical significance. In the United States, Rye Whiskey by definition must be produced from a grain mash of which not less than 51% is rye grain. In Canada, there is no similar restriction. The relevant Canadian Regulation states: ‘Canadian Whisky (Canadian Rye Whisky, Rye Whisky) shall be whisky distilled in Canada and shall possess the aroma, taste and character generally attributed to Canadian Whisky.’

Canadian Whisky is in fact often referred to simply as Rye Whisky or Rye.

What is the Origin of VODKA?
Vodka is a drink, which originated in Eastern Europe, the name stemming from the Russian word ‘voda’ meaning water or as the Poles would say ‘woda’. The first documented production of vodka in Russia was at the end of the 9th century, but the first known distillery at, Khylnovsk, was about two hundred years later as reported in the Vyatka Chronicle of 1174. Poland lays claim to having distilled vodka even earlier in the 8th century, but as this was a distillation of wine it might be more appropriate to consider it a crude brandy. The first identifiable Polish vodkas appeared in the 11th century when they were called ‘gorzalka’, originally used as medicines.

Vodka marches across Europe…

Te spread of awareness of vodka continued throughout the 19th century, helped by the presence in many parts of Europe of Russian soldiers involved in the Napoleonic Wars. Increasing popularity led to escalating demand and to meet this demand, lower grade products were produced based largely on distilled potato mash. Earlier attempts to control production by reducing the number of distilleries from 5,000 to 2,050 between the years 1860 and 1890 having failed, a law was enacted in 1894 to make the production and distribution of vodka in Russia a state monopoly. This was both for fiscal reasons and to control the epidemic of drunkenness which the availability of the cheap, mass-produced ‘vodkas’ imported and home-produced, had brought about.
It is only at the end of the 19th century, with all state distilleries adopting a standard production technique and hence a guarantee of quality, that the name vodka was officially and formally recognized. After the Russian Revolution, the Bolsheviks confiscated all private distilleries in Moscow. As a result, a number of Russian vodka-makers emigrated, taking their skills and recipes with them. One such exile revived his brand in Paris, using the French version of his family name – Smirnoff. Thence, having met a Russian émigré from the USA, they set up the first vodka distillery there in 1934. This was subsequently sold to a US drinks company. From this small start, vodka began in the 1940s to achieve its wide popularity in the Western World

What is the origin of GIN?
The first confirmed date for the production of gin is the early 17th century in Holland, although claims have been made that it was produced prior to this in Italy. In Holland it was produced as a medicine and sold in chemist shops to treat stomach complaints, gout and gallstones. To make it more palatable, the Dutch started to flavor it with juniper, which had medicinal properties of its own.

What is Tequila?
First the history: Tequila was first distilled in the 1500-1600’s in the state of Jalisco, Mexico. Guadalajara is the capital of Jalisco and the city of Tequila was established in about 1656. This is where the agave plant grows best.

The agave is not a cactus as rumoured, but belongs to the lily family and has long spiny leaves (pincas). The specific plant that is used to make tequila is the Weber blue agave. It takes 8-12 years for the agave to reach maturity. During harvest, the leaves are cut off leaving the heart of the plant or pina which looks like a large pineapple when the jimadors are done. The harvested pina may weigh 200 pounds or more and is chopped into smaller pieces for cooking at the distillery. Tequila was first imported into the United States in 1873 when the first load was transported to El Paso, Texas. In 1973 tequila sales in the US topped one million cases.

There are two basic types of tequila, 100% blue agave (cien por ciento de agave) tequila and mixto. The 100% blue agave tequilas are distilled entirely from the fermented juice of the agave. All 100% agave tequilas have to be distilled and bottled in Mexico. If the bottle does not say 100% blue agave, the tequila is mixto and may have been distilled from as little as 60% agave juice with other sugars.

Grades of Tequila:

Blanco: 100% agave tequila that is un-aged and untreated with additives.
Reposado: 100% agave, “rested” tequila that has been stored in oak between two months and one year.
Anejo: 100% agave, aged tequila that has been stored in oak at least one year.
Mixto blanco: mixto tequila that is unaged.
Mixto reposado: mixto tequila that has been stored in oak between two months and one year.
Mixto anejo: aged mixto tequila that has been stored in oak at least one year.
Joven abocado: mixto tequila that has been treated with additives to achieve an effect similar to aging.

How many types of Beer are available to Drink?
Here are the different styles you may come across at our stores or your favourite local brew pub.

Ale – originally liquor made from an infusion of malt by fermentation, as opposed to beer, which was made by the same process but flavoured with hops. Today ale is used for all beers other than stout.
Alt – means “old”. A top fermented ale, rich, copper-coloured and full-bodied, with a very firm, tannic palate, and usually well-hopped and dry.
Amber Beer- an ale with a depth of hue halfway between pale and dark.
Barley Wine – dark, rich, usually bittersweet, heavy ales with high alcohol content, made for sipping, not quaffing.
Bitter – the driest and one of the most heavily hopped beers served on draft. The nose is generally aromatic, the hue amber and the alcoholic content moderate.
Bock – a strong dark German lager, ranging from pale to dark brown in colour, with a minimum alcoholic content of about 6 percent.
Brown Ale – malty beers, dark in colour and they may be quite sweet.
Burton – a strong ale, dark in colour, made with a proportion of highly dried or roasted malts.
Christmas/Holiday Beer – these special season beers are amber to dark brown, richly flavoured with a sweetish palate. Some are flavoured with special spices and/or herbs.
Dopplebock – “double bock.” A stronger version of bock beer, decidedly malty, with an alcoholic content ranging from 8 percent to 13 percent by volume.
Hefe-Weizen – a wheat beer, lighter in body, flavour and alcohol strength.
Ice Beer – a high-alcohol beer made by cooling the beer during the process to below the freezing point of water (32 degrees Fahrenheit) but above that of alcohol (-173 degrees Fahrenheit).. When the formed ice is removed and discarded, the beer ends up with a higher alcohol-to-water ratio.
India Pale Ale (IPA) – a generously hopped pale ale.
Kolsch – West German ale, very pale (brassy gold) in hue, with a mild malt flavour and some lactic tartness.
Malt Liquor – most malt liquors are lagers that are too alcoholic to be labelled lagers or beers.
Muncheners – a malty, pale lager distinguished from the darker, heavier Munich Dark beers by the term “dunkel”.
Octoberfest/ Maerzen/Vienna – a copper-coloured, malty beer brewed at the end of the winter brewing season in March.
Pale Ale – made of the highest quality malts, the driest and most highly hopped beer. Sold as light ale or pale ale in bottle or on draft as bitter.
Pilsner – delicately dry and aromatic beers.
Porter – a darker (medium to dark reddish brown) ale style beer, full-bodied, a bit on the bitter side. The barley (or barley-malt) is well roasted, giving the brew a characteristic chocolaty, bittersweet flavor.
Stout – beer brewed from roasted, full-flavoured malts, often with an addition of caramel sugar and a slightly higher proportion of hops. Stouts have a richer, slightly burnt flavour and are dark in colour.
Sweet Stout – also known as milk stout because some brewers use lactose (milk sugar) as an ingredient.
Wheat Beer – a beer in which wheat malt is substituted for barley malt. Usually medium-bodied, with a bit of tartness on the palate.

_______________________________________________________

Is it worth the race?…the RAT RACE

(I tried so hard and got so far…But in the end it doesn’t even matter – Linkin Park)

A boat docked in a tiny Goan village…

A tourist from Mumbai complimented the Goan fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

“Not very long” answered the fisherman.
“But then, why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?” asked the Mumbaikar.
The Goan fisherman explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The Mumbaikar asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”
“I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, play guitar, sing a few songs… I have a full life.”

The Mumbaikar interrupted, “I have an MBA from IIM-A, and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat.”

And the moral of the story is? Know where you’re going in life. You may already be there.

Life in the present world is indeed a rat race. Many who have qualifications from reputed universities too do not know where they are going in life…

“How long would that take?” asked the Goan.
“Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years,” replied the Mumbaikar.
“And after that?”“Afterwards? Well my Friend, That’s when it gets really interesting” chuckled the Mumbaikar, “When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!”“Millions? Really? And after that?” asked the Goan.
“After that you’ll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings doing what you like with your buddies.”
“With all due respect sir, but that’s exactly what I am doing now. So what’s the point wasting 25 years?” asked the Goan.

It is August. In a small town on the South Coast of France, holiday season is in full swing, but it is raining so there is not too much business happening. Everyone is heavily in debt.

Luckily, a rich Russian tourist arrives in the foyer of the small local hotel. He asks for a room and puts a Euro100 note on the reception counter, takes a key and goes to inspect the room located up the stairs on the third floor.

The hotel owner takes the banknote in hurry and rushes to his meat supplier to whom he owes E100.
The butcher takes the money and races to his supplier to pay his debt.
The wholesaler rushes to the farmer to pay E100 for pigs he purchased some time ago.
SKG: The farmer triumphantly gives the E100 note to a local prostitute who gave him her services on credit.

Nayan Mehta: The prostitute goes quickly to the hotel, as she owed the hotel for her hourly room use to entertain clients.
At that moment, the rich Russian is coming down to reception and informs the hotel owner that the proposed room is unsatisfactory and takes his E100 back and departs.

There was no profit or income. But everyone no longer has any debt and the small town people look optimistically towards their future.

COULD THIS BE THE SOLUTION TO THE Global Financial Crisis? Or, is there a catch here?

The Town that Sibling Rivalry Built, and Divided.
The small Bavarian town of Herzogenaurach might seem a sleepy
backwater, but it’s home to two of the world’s top sportswear
companies, thanks to a 60-year-old fight. For decades, the
rivalry split the town in two.
The small Aurach river gurgles through the heart of Herzogenaurach, population 24,000, and gives the town its name. But this peaceful, meandering waterway once symbolized a bitter, protracted family feud that divided the town into two distinct camps.

It was all about footwear.

“The town became known as the town where people tend to look down because you’d always tend to look at shoes the person is wearing before you strike up a conversation,” said Barbara Smit, a Dutch financial journalist and one of the authors to tackle the story of the Dassler brothers, Rudolf and Adolf.
They started out making shoes together before having a terrible falling out. Their argument resulted in the creation of two sports giants, Puma and Adidas, both still based in the provincial town.

*Partners, then enemies*
Rudolf and younger brother Adolf, Rudi and Adi to friends, began their shoe business in their mother’s laundry room in the 1920s. At the time, electricity supplies in the town were unreliable, and the brothers sometimes had to use pedal power from a stationary bicycle to run their equipment.
“They were very different characters,” said Smit. “Adi Dassler was always more thoughtful, a craftsman who enjoyed nothing more than fiddling with his shoes. Whereas Rudolf Dassler was a more abrasive, loudmouthed salesman. They complemented each other very well to begin with.”
Their new, lightweight sports shoes began to attract attention and they moved into a location south of the Aurach river near the train station.
The Dassler Brothers Shoe Factory jumped onto the world stage in 1936 when they found themselves providing footwear for American Jessie Owens, who won four gold medals at the Berlin Olympics.

But after the war, the fraternal relationship fell apart. In Smit’s book, “Pitch Invasion,” she theorizes that it could have had something to do with Nazi party links and that after Rudolf was picked up by American soldiers and accused of being a member of the SS, he was convinced that his brother had turned him in. Others speculate it could have had something to do with their wives, or a simple misunderstanding in a bomb shelter. No one really knows for sure.
What is certain is that they felt they could no longer work together and in 1948 the Dassler Brothers Shoe Factory was split in two.

“More of less in the middle of the night, Rudolf Dassler packed his bags and moved on the other side of the little river,” said Smit. “He established Puma on the other side. From there on in, the town was really split in two like a sort of mini Berlin with this little river as a partition in the middle.”
And like Berlin’s famous wall, it wasn’t advisable to cross over, at least when it came to shoes.
Brand loyalty became paramount for many residents. Two camps formed, and dug in.
There were stores, bakers and bars which were unofficially known as either loyal to Rudolf’s Puma, or to Adolf’s new company, Adidas, which he named using his nickname, Adi, and the first three letters of his last name. There were two soccer teams: the ASV Herzogenaurach club wore the three stripes; the 1 FC Herzogenaurach had the jumping cat on its footwear. Intermarriage was frowned upon.

“I knew a butcher who played for the Puma team,” said Ernst Ditrich who works at the town’s museum. “He told us the guys from the Adidas team didn’t need to bother buying at his store. He didn’t want to do business with them. That sort of thing happened.”

*Wayward son *
The brothers never did reconcile. While they are buried in the same cemetery, their graves are about as far apart as possible. But one of their descendents decided the family feud had gone on long enough.

Frank Dassler is the grandson of Rudolf Dassler and grew up living and breathing Puma. Growing up, he had no contact at all with his great-uncle Adolf’s family.
“They stayed kind of enemies during the rest of their lives,” he said. “It’s certainly sad, but from a business point of view it was a good decision, since it motivated both companies to innovate.”
But these days, Frank Dassler sits not in Puma’s new glass-and-steel headquarters on the bank of the river, but in an office at the Adidas campus further north, on the site of a former American army barracks. Two years ago, he took a job as the Adidas Group’s head legal counsel.
“My stepmother and my stepbrother weren’t very happy about this decision, they thought it would be a betrayal against my grandfather,” he said.
His taboo breaking raised more than a few eyebrows in the town and the local newspapers were not always so kind.
“But this rivalry was years ago, it’s history now,” he said.

*Lost its punch*
Indeed, young people today seem little concerned with the once-intense rivalry.
“It’s not so strong anymore. It was like that before, but now, I don’t think people care so much,” said 14-year-old Teresa, who was wearing Puma shoes but carrying an Adidas bag. “Sometimes Puma has something better, sometimes Adidas. It just depends.”
But Hermann Lindner, 41, who was with his family (all wearing Puma) at a festival for the Argentinian team who is staying in the town for the World Cup, says the two camps haven’t entirely folded up their tents.
“No, it’s not as extreme as it used to be, but you still find people who stick to Puma and other who only wear Adidas,” he said. “People do make the distinction.”
And while most think things are better now that rivalry has cooled, some knew how to make the most of it when it was raging, Frank Dassler says. He remembers that when handymen would come to work at his grandfather’s house, they would sometimes wear Adidas shoes on purpose. When Rudolf would see their footwear, he’d tell them to go to the basement and pick out a pair of Puma shoes, which they could have for free.
“Rudolf simply couldn’t stand the fact that someone was wearing an Adidas shoe in his private home,” Dassler said.

WITH LUV TO ALL BONGS…AND ALL OTHERS WHO STILL LOVE THEM…A-Z of Bengalis

A is for Awpheesh (as in Office). This is where the average Kolkakatan goes and spends a day hard at work. And if he works for the ‘Vest Bengal Gawrment’ he will arrive at 10, wipe his forehead till 11, have a tea break at 12, throw around a few files at 12.30, break for lunch at 1, smoke the 7th unfiltered cigarette at 2, break for 5th cup of tea at 3, sleep sitting down at 4 and go home at 4:30. It’s a hard life!

B is for Bhision. For some reason many Bengalis don’t have good bhision. In fact in Kolkata most people are wearing spectacles all the time….Bhishon Bhalo and Bibhotso….though means opposite…used for same situations…depending on the Beauty of fairer sex…are close …almost in a tie for second spot….

C is for Chappell. Currently, this is the Bengali word for the Devil, for the worst form of evil. In the night mothers put their kids to sleep saying, ‘Na ghumoley ebar Chappell eshey dhorey niye jabe.’

D is for Debashish or any other name starting with Deb. By an ancient law every fourth Bengali Child has to be named Debashish. So you have a Debashish everywhere and trying to get creative they are also called Deb, Debu, Deba with variations like Debopriyo, Deboprotim, Debojyoti, etc thrown in at times….as creations of God himself!!

E is for Eeesh. This is a very common Bengali exclamation made famous by Aishwarya Rai in the movie Devdas. It is estimated that on an average a Bengali, especially Bengali women, use eeesh 10,089 times every year. ‘Ei Morechhey’ is a close second to Eeesh.

F is for Feeesh. These are creatures that swim in rivers and seas and are a favourite food of the Bengalis. Despite the fact that a fish market has such strong smells, with one sniff a Bengali knows if a fish is all right. If not, he will say ‘eeesh what feeesh is theesh!’

G is for Good name. Every Bengali boy will have a good name like Debashish or Deboprotim and a pet name like Motka, Bhombol, Thobla, etc. While every Bengali girl will have pet names like Tia, Tuktuki, Mishti, Khuku, et cetera……Ghama. ..comes closed second….used specifically for attractive Girls.

H is for Harmonium. This Bengali equivalent of a rock guitar. Take four Bengalis and a Harmonium and you have the successors to The Bheatles! HEAVY is a close second….used mercilessly. ..e.g…. Heavy Halka….Halka means Light…

I is for Ileesh. This is a feeesh with 10,987 bones which would kill any ordinary person, but which the Bengalis eat with releeesh!

J is for Jhola. No selfrespecting Bengali is complete without his Jhola. It is a shapeless cloth bag where he keeps all his belongings and he fits an amazing number of things in. Even as you read this there are two million jholas bobbling around Kolkata, and they all look exactly the same! Note that ‘Jhol’with mysterious condiments.. . as in Maachher Jhol is a close second. Jhaamela and Jachhetai are distant 3rd and 4th

K is for Kee Kaando! It used to be the favourite Bengali exclamation till eeesh took over because of Aishwarya Rai (now Kee Kando’s agent is trying to hire Bipasha Basu).Kee mushkil, Kelor Kirti and kenchiye gechhe are variations of similar sentiments.

M is for Minibaas. These are dangerous half buses whose antics would effortlessly frighten the living daylights out of all James Bond stuntmen as well as Formula 1 race car drivers.

N is for Nangto. This is the Bengali w ord for Naked. It is the most interesting naked word in any language!

O is for Oil. The Bengalis believe that a touch of mustard oil will cure anything from cold (oil in the nose), to earache (oil in the ear), to cough (oil on the throat) to piles (oil you know where!).

P is for Phootball. This is always a phavourite phassion of the Kolkattan. Every Bengali is born an expert in this game. The two biggest clubs there are MOHUNBAGAN and East Bengal and when they play the city comes to a stop.

Q is for Queen. This really has nothing to do with the Bengalis or Kolkata, but it’s the only Q word I could think of at this moment. There’s also Quilt but they never use them in Kolkata. Oh yes, Q is also for Koshchen (question) Mamatadi koshchens Cheap Ministaar in Writaars Buiding.

R is for Robi Thakur. Many many years ago Rabindranath got the Nobel Prize. This has given the right to all Bengalis no matter where they are to frame their acceptance speeches as if they were directly related to the great poet and walk with their head held high. This also gives Bengalis the birthright to look down at Delhi and Mumbai and of course ‘all non-Bengawlees’ ! Note that ‘Rawshogolla’ comes a close second!

S is for Shourav. Now that they finally produced a genuine cricketer and a captain, Bengalis think that he should be allowed to play until he is 70 years old. Of course they will see to it that he stays in good form by doing a little bit of ‘jawggo’ and ‘maanot’.

T is for Trums. Hundred years later there are still trums in Kolkata. Of course if you are in a hurry it’s faster to walk….Trams are still existing in Paris too…….you see !

U is for Aambrela. When a Bengali baby is born he is handed one.

V is for Bhaayolence. Bengalis are the most non-violent violent people around. When an accident happens they will fold up their sleeves, shout and scream and curse and abuse, “Chherey De Bolchhi” but the last time someone actually hit someone was in 1979.

W is for Water. For three months of the year the city is underwater and every year for the last 200 years the authorities are taken by surprise by this!

X is for X’mas. It’s very big in Kolkata, with Park Street fully lit up and all Bengalis agreeing that they must eat cake that day.

Y is for Yesshtaarday. Which is always better than today for a Bengali (see R for Robi Thakur)?. It is also for Jubraj Shingh, Jajubendra Shingh and Joga.

You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day.

You work for 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school.

You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play.

You have no responsibilities; you become a baby until you are born.

And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm! I rest my case!!!

A man walks into a bar in London and ordered 3-glasses of beer and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more. The bartender asks him, ‘You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time.’ The man replies, ‘Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai , the other in Canada and I’m here in London . When they left home, we promised that we’ll drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there. The man became a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He order 3-Beers and drinks them in turn. One day, he came in and ordered only 2-Beers All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says,’ I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere condolences on your great loss. ‘ The man looked confused for a moment, then he laughs …. ‘Oh, no,’ he, said, ‘Everyone’s fine – both my brothers are alive’ . ‘ The only thing is …

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10. The villagers seeing that there were so many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy onbehalf of him. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs50.” The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!! Welcome to the “Stock” Market!!!!!

Here’s a very intersting anecdote that describes how an “asset bubble” builds up and what are its consequences. Read it even if it confuses you a bit…things will be clear as you reach the end…. ANCEDOTE – Once there was a little island country. The land of this country was the tiny island itself. The total money in circulation was 2 dollar as there were only two pieces of 1 dollar coins circulating around.

1) There were 3 citizens living on this island country. A owned the land. B and C each owned 1 dollar.

2) B decided to purchase the land from A for 1 dollar. So, A and C now each own 1 dollar while B owned a piece of land that is worth 1 dollar. The net asset of the country = 3 dollar.

3) C thought that since there is only one piece of land in the country and land is non produceable asset, its value must definitely go up. So, he borrowed 1 dollar from A and together with his own 1 dollar, he bought the land from B for 2 dollar. A has a loan to C of 1 dollar, so his net asset is 1 dollar. B sold his land and got 2 dollar, so his net asset is 2 dollar. C owned the piece of land worth 2 dollar but with his 1 dollar debt to A, his net asset is 1 dollar. The net asset of the country = 4 dollar.

4) A saw that the land he once owned has risen in value. He regretted selling it. Luckily, he has a 1 dollar loan to C. He then borrowed 2 dollar from B and and acquired the land back from C for 3 dollar. The payment is by 2 dollar cash (which he borrowed) and cancellation of the 1 dollar loan to C. As a result, A now owned a piece of land that is worth 3 dollar. But since he owed B 2 dollar, his net asset is 1 dollar. B loaned 2 dollar to A. So his net asset is 2 dollar. C now has the 2 coins. His net asset is also 2 dollar. The net asset of the country = 5 dollar. A bubble is building up.

5) B saw that the value of land kept rising. He also wanted to own the land. So he bought the land from A for 4 dollar. The payment is by borrowing 2 dollar from C and cancellation of his 2 dollar loan to A. As a result, A has got his debt cleared and he got the 2 coins. His net asset is 2 dollar. B owned a piece of land that is worth 4 dollar but since he has a debt of 2 dollar with C, his net Asset is 2 dollar. C loaned 2 dollar to B, so his net asset is 2 dollar. The net asset of the country = 6 dollar. Even though, the country has only one piece of land and 2 Dollar in circulation.

6) Everybody has made money and everybody felt happy and prosperous.

7) One day an evil wind blowed. An evil thought came to C’s mind. “Hey, what if the land price stop going up, how could B repay my loan. There is only 2 dollar in circulation, I think after all the land that B owns is worth at most 1 dollar only.” A also thought the same.

8) Nobody wanted to buy land anymore. In the end, A owns the 2 dollar coins, his net asset is 2 dollar. B owed C 2 dollar and the land he owned which he thought worth 4 dollar is now 1 dollar. His net asset become –1 dollar. C has a loan of 2 dollar to B. But it is a bad debt. Although his net asset is still 2 dollar, his Heart is palpitating. The net asset of the country = 3 dollar again. Who has stolen the 3 dollar from the country ? Of course, before the bubble burst B thought his land worth 4 dollar. Actually, right before the collapse, the net asset of the country was 6 dollar in paper. his net asset is still 2 dollar, his heart is palpitating. The net asset of the country = 3 dollar again.

9) B had no choice but to declare bankruptcy. C as to relinquish his 2 dollar bad debt to B but in return he acquired the land which is worth 1 dollar now. A owns the 2 coins, his net asset is 2 dollar. B is bankrupt, his net asset is 0 dollar. ( B lost everything ) C got no choice but end up with a land worth only 1 dollar (C lost one dollar) The net asset of the country = 3 dollar.

****************End of the story***************************

There is however a redistribution of wealth. A is the winner, B is the loser, C is lucky that he is spared.

A few points worth noting –

(1) When a bubble is building up, the debt of individual in a country to one another is also building up.

(2) This story of the island is a close system whereby there is no other country and hence no foreign debt. The worth of the asset can only be calculated using the island’s own currency. Hence, there is no net loss.

(3) An overdamped system is assumed when the bubble burst, meaning the land’s value did not go down to below 1 dollar.

(4) When the bubble burst, the fellow with cash is the winner. The fellows having the land or extending loan to others are the loser. The asset could shrink or in worst case, they go bankrupt.

(5) If there is another citizen D either holding a dollar or another piece of land but refrain to take part in the game. At the end of the day, he will neither win nor lose. But he will see the value of his money or land go up and down like a see saw.

(6) When the bubble was in the growing phase, everybody made money.

(7) If you are smart and know that you are living in a growing bubble, it is worthwhile to borrow money (like A ) and take part in the game. But you must know when you should change everything back to cash.

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.’ I bought her a weighing scale. And then the fight started…

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked my wife, ‘Do you know him?’ ‘Yes,’ She sighed, ‘He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.’ ‘My God!’ I said to my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’ And then the fight started…

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. “I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.” He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?” “Naaah, she can order for herself.” And then the fight started…

A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’ The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’ And then the fight started….. .

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Kingfisher for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And then the fight started….

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?” It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?” And that’s when the fight started….

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed…But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.’When you finish cutting the grass,’ I said, ‘you might as well sweep the driveway.’ And then the fight started..

The phone rings. The lady of the house answers, “Yes?”….. “Mrs. Ward, please.”…. “Speaking” “Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your Doctor sent your husband’s samples to the lab, the samples from another Mr. Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your husband’s. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible.” “What do you mean?” Mrs. Ward asks. “Well, one Mr. Ward has tested positive for Alzheimer’s disease (related to memory) and the other for AIDS. We can’t tell which your husband’s is” “That’s terrible! Can we do the test over?” questions Mrs. Ward. “Normally, yes. But Medicare won’t pay for these expensive tests more than once.” “Well, what am I supposed to do now?” “The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don’t sleep with him.”

An Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys and documents of new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow “$5,000” ?

The Indian replies: “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return”

There was a time in the late sixties and early seventies when Mrs. Gandhi increased the maximum income-tax rate to 99%. Mr Palkhiwala (tax and constitutional expert) instantly reacted that he would stop working the moment he reached that level of income.

We have experienced hard core socialism during her regime and certainly don’t need any such experiments to drive home the point.

“The problem with socialism is that eventually you run out of other people’s money.” – Margaret Thatcher

An economics professor at Texas Tech said he had never failed many students at one time except on the occasion when he failed an entire class. That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer. The professor then said ok, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism.

All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would be outstanding. After the first test the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. But, as the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too; so they studied little. The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around the average was an F.

The scores never increased as bickering, blame, and name calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else. All failed, to their great surprise. The professor then told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great; but when all the reward is taken away, no one will work to succeed.

Nothing could be any simpler than that….

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After I initially left a comment I appear to have clicked on the -Notify me when
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Perhaps there is an easy method you are able to remove me from that service?
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