New moves to tackle domestic violence in Wales are crucial for our children's future, writes Des Mannion from NSPCC Cymru/Wales

In the report Boys and Girls Speak Out, 10 to 12-year-olds from Wales talk about having to conform to gender stereotypes

If you think think the rules of dating are tough to negotiate, try and remember what it was like when you were approaching puberty.

Now factor in social media and easy access to hardcore pornography which can create unrealistic expectations of what physical relationships entail, and you can see why children and young people today might get confused about what makes a relationship healthy and safe.

Recent research commissioned by the NSPCC and the Children’s Commissioner for Wales and conducted by Professor Emma Renold from Cardiff University, reveals pressure to conform to gender stereotypes and relationship “norms” starts at primary school.

In the report Boys and Girls Speak Out, 10 to 12-year-olds from Wales talk about having to conform to gender stereotypes and being pushed into relationships by peers and even adults.

Girls talk about being described as “single Pringle or taken bacon” and being shared around by boys.

On a recent visit, the United Nations’ rapporteur Rashina Manjoo talked about a visible presence in the UK of sexist portrayals and marketisation of women’s and girls’ bodies.

These are factors that contribute to a culture where women and girls are sexually objectified and can lead to perceptions and attitudes which influence violence against women and girls.

Domestic abuse features in the media on a daily basis but I’m sure it would still be shocking for most to know that on average two women a week are killed by a male partner or former partner.

Whether children witness violence or hear it from the next room it can cause fear, anxiety, even depression and without the right support it can massively damage a child’s life chances.

The Children in Need census indicates that domestic abuse has a negative effect on parents’ ability to care for their children in around a quarter of cases and is a factor in two thirds of serious case reviews.

In addition, a recent profiling exercise of prolific young offenders in Wales revealed that around half had witnessed violence in the home.

Research also tells us that children who witness domestic abuse often enter into relationships at a younger age, are more likely to form a relationship with someone older and crucially are more likely to experience emotional or physical violence.

Their experience means controlling and abusive behaviours are normalised as expressions of love.

The more disadvantaged you are, the more at risk you are thought to be.

To break the cycle, children need help to overcome trauma and to understand violence and abuse are not part of a healthy, loving and safe relationship.

Our Domestic Abuse, Recovering Together project works with women and children to rebuild the parent/child relationship which can be damaged when a child repeatedly hears their mother being belittled, or when behaviour is modelled on a pattern of violence or anger.

One mother told us: “[My son] never knew really what a proper relationship was; it was always violent and controlling. He used to say ‘but daddy didn’t hit you that much’ and then I had alarm bells in my head. I thought, ‘he thinks it’s normal!’”

The issue of “family relationships” is the main reason why children contact ChildLine, a service provided by the NSPCC. And we are increasingly hearing from young people about abuse in their own relationships.

On a ChildLine message board, a teenager described her older boyfriend hitting her until she submitted to sex.

She asked if it was rape or whether she was just over-reacting and described telling the man she didn’t want sex with him again but that he’d said it was “no big deal,” and that if she loved him, she would.

We need to address young people’s understanding of consent and perceptions of relationships if they have to ask if violence is a normal part of sex.

The Welsh Government’s proposals to better support professionals and the public to recognise and respond to domestic abuse as part of the forthcoming Ending Violence Against Women, Domestic Abuse and Sexual Violence Bill is a welcome one.

We hope both the Bill and the current curriculum review will deliver on the White Paper’s promise of ensuring healthy relationship education across Wales.

There are schools that already deliver it but the provision is currently patchy and in order for it to be accessible to all our children it needs to be absorbed in to the curriculum.

Wales already leads the way by teaching children about their rights, now we must do more to address gender equality and help children recognise abuse and control.

We also need to continue to improve services to reduce the impact of traumatic experiences on future life chances for children.

International audiences will be watching to see how our AMs respond to this opportunity to address gender-based violence.

We’ve made real progress in Wales but there’s much more to do.

This law is crucial if we are to succeed in a society that truly believes in equal rights for men and women.

It’s an opportunity to deliver real, lasting change so our children, both boys and girls, can grow up with respect for each other and enjoy relationships which are safe, happy and healthy.

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