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Tales from the Archive, Part II

In which I finish migrating all the remaining entries between 2010–2013 and cull most of them because they’re so terrible.

After a few arduous weekends I’ve finally managed to migrate my entries from my old blog.

The process, which has been quite cathartic, has given me an opportunity to look at all the different entries I’ve written over the years.

It hardly came as a surprise to see that many of them were utter shaite. Pointless garbage only contributing to the increasing noise that is the web. So whilst I had initially migrated every single entry from 2009, I realised that in actuality I didn’t want my blog to be filled with noise.

So I went back through 2009 and removed all the ones that were pointless non sequiturs, videos for the sake it and narcissistic promotions to vote for shit like a random bikini I had designed.

I still wanted to keep that sense of progression I have done over the years, both in terms of quality of content and the writing itself. Which is why I’ve kept some entries that could be regarded as shit. They give me a sense of the passing of time and I like that.

This entry is technically #539 but because of this culling process, this one becomes #300. Should I ever introduce a numbering system, this will be reasons why it might not make sense at first glance. Because obviously I’ll still count all the entries that gave been killed off.

And for the sake of transparency and because I thought it would be interesting, let’s look at how many poo entries I ended up deleting in the migration process.

2009

16 entries out of 33 made it through.

Poo rating, 52%

Almost half the entries made it through, that’s a lot better than my original 83%—which let’s be honest, was just a number I made up anyway.

I’ve spared you from terribly embarrasing entries such as Fucking with Blue Teeth, where I complain about my Bluetooth not working and ramble about a unicorn named Charlie and So Far So Good, where I try polyphasic sleeping and nap during the day.

2010

19 entries out of 83 made it through.

Poo rating, 77%

This truly was a terrible year. So few of so many made it through. Consider yourself spared from reading shit entries such as Bikini Bitches!, where I promote a random bikini I’ve designed and A Single Joke, where I tell the horrible, “What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam?” joke.

2011

37 entries out of 96 made it through.

Poo rating, 61%

Thankfully the quality increases as the quantity does—it’s a numbers game innit? Sadly though, the majority of entries are still shit such as Unvenomous Snakes?, where I call my old drip brewer, “The Diarrhea Machine,” and Gone Fishing, where I go fishing with Beije and replace all the photos of his face with Ted Bundy’s face.

2012

38 entries out of 97 made it through.

Poo rating, 61%

I had no choice but to remove entries such as It Went Down On Me, where my website is down so I take the opportunity to promote Halo 4 and Friday Boob Video, where I post a video ranting about the stupidity of a game which genuinely has an achievement for staring at breasts.

2013

66 entries out of 106 made it through.

Poo rating, 38%

And finally we come to 2013, where I finally manage to get the quality up so much so that there’s more good entries, than bad entries.

But there were still some bad eggs which needed to be culled, such as The Pill To Lower Your IQ Permanently, where I post a video a hilariously tongue-in-cheek video called MinusIQ and The Weavers Of Nightmares, where I find manufactured vinyl dolls that resemble human babies.

And that’s it. I’ve finally migrated all the worthwhile entries from my old blog to this new one. From now on, everything will be in one place, allowing me full control over my brand, my content and my website.

I can experiment to my hearts content, trying out different ideas that may or may not work at all. And I’m pretty excited about it.