Monday, March 14, 2011

True Story Tuesday: Potty Mouth Part II

If you haven’t checked out the giveaway, you are seriously missing out! You don’t have to be a follower, and I tried to make the entries fun. Get this, it’s the biggest CSN promotion I’ve ever seen – $140 bucks! And you can get up to seven entries. Since there’s low entries, you have a 5% chance right now of bringing home those bucks. Not too shabby for a click, I must say… Head on over and get yourself some entries before tonight!

If you’re new around these parts, let me introduce you to the craziness that is True Story Tuesday! I guess some people could call it “TMI Tuesday” depending on the tale, but it’s a great place to share those amazing, hilarious, miraculous, outrageous and (mostly) true things that have happened to you!

You know you’re already blogging those stories, so you might as well link them up for some comment love, right? :)

Just grab the button on the right sidebar, copy and paste the code it into your post, then come back to link up for some storytelling time!

This weekend we were suffering from various ailments… Itty Bit with a cough, me with sore throat, and Mr. Daddy with the MAN FLU. Which means I was suffering with the MAN FLU too… *cough cough*

Which unfortunately means that our self-imposed “Stay Home In Your Polka Dot Pajamas Quarantine” has left us with only one recent noteworthy tale.

And I’m just gonna apologize right out of the gate. Lord, I had no idea having a BOY would entail so much juvenile humor.

~

GIDDYUP RED ROBIN

So it was bad enough when I originally posted about the Potty Humor that our 4-year-old was entertained by, right? You know, accusing me of practically not having any *ahem* cojones?

Why is it that kids have this sixth sense about performing in front of an audience? Especially when Mom is a helpless witness to the debacle?

The scene? Red Robin

Well, more specifically, the table in Red Robin that sits right under this little lovely:

And even more specifically? Itty Bit was seated directly next to the business end of the horse.

To set the stage, Itty Bit had recently tried to figure out why Mommy doesn’t have to stand up to go potty. And rather than assume that I immodestly utilize the facilities in front of my observant 4-year old, let’s take a moment of silence for all those Mommies who never get to pee in privacy. Because it’s a law in every home that anytime a mother attempts to silently close that bathroom door, a tiny voice will shriek in protest and McGyver the door lock with a screwdriver.

(Oh, that’s just my little guy. Drat)

Anyway… so Itty Bit has been aware that girls don’t have “junk”, for lack of better word.

And as I attempted to settle the little guy in to eat his meal, he just wouldn’t quit harassing the horse. Yes, my kid was the one who tried to scale the horse and go for a little dinnertime ride. Don’t tell me yours haven’t too… (oh wait… tell me, tell me! It’ll make me feel better!)

In desperation, I look my kiddo in the eye and say, “If you don’t quit climbing that horsie, it’s gonna poop on you”.

*Sigh* Classy, I know. But it worked!

He stopped in shock and gave me this pitiful look. You know, this one?

And since we live in Hicksville, he knows that horse poop isn’t anything to joke about.

But then? He flashed me this look and I knew that he had stumbled upon his revenge.

He looked at me, then up at the horse’s underside, then loudly snickered to the entire restaurant:

“GIRLS PEE OUT THEIR BUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTT!”

In unison, 43 heads immediately swiveled toward our table.

And the chorus of laughter should have been my clue.

But this lipreading mother had encountered user error in trying to compute what her child had just said. Missing a couple of key words would change the entire sentence.

Oh no I dinn’t.

GAH. Oh yes I did.

I looked at him with wide eyes and stupidly said, “Honey, what did you just say?”

And wouldn’t you know it? That little bugger was perfectly happy to repeat himself for me. At an volume that incredibly exceeded his original announcement.

“Mommy, I saaaaaid….

GIRLS PEE OUT THEIR BUUUUUUUUUTTTTTT!”

The laughter increased in proportionate volume as well…

My husband looked at me in astonishment.

“WHY would you ask him to say that again? WHY?”

~

I think we’re on Red Robin’s special list now…

~

We know you’ve got stories of your own! Prove that I’m not the only chick who has momentary lapses in judgement? Or the only one with a kid who knows how to save the good stuff for public?

HA!!!! I am dying over here. I love it so much. Oh yeah, don't feel alone I never get in the bathroom alone to do anything. It is insane I tell you. I know they have a 6th sense telling them when Mom is going in there.

I wish you were my neighbor! Living beside you guys would be so amusing we could cancel our freaking cable!!!! Bwahahahahaha! I know you were totally 10 shades of red, but it really is funny from this end.... although Lula Mae would have been asking us where his long belly button was. Yep, she thinks the "junk" is a big belly button. Plus, if you tell her you are going potty she immediately asks "can I watch you please?".... so I am totally with you on not having an audience while you pee. If you happen to keep her out of the bathroom she stands by the door screaming things like "are you going now? Oh I hear it! Good job! You didn't pee pee in your panties! You are so grown up! You get a sticker! Don't forget to wipe!"... so in or out she is STILL and audience! LOL

I'm sitting at work laughing so hard I'm crying a little...oh the joys of having boys...(and no I am not allowed to use the potty by myself either so my lack of junk has also been noted and commented on by both my little stinkers)

Oh, you make me all happy. You see, your son must never meet my sons. They are too much alike. and a mom who doesn't have a kid in the bathroom with her at all times!? What does that look like? awesome story!

I have been asked several times where my pee pee is. I even had an inquisitive boy walk around the backside to make sure I wasn't hiding it. Oh when will I ever get to shower or use the facilities without an audience?? And oh yes, boys and their loud, embarassing observations. I bet you tured 10 shades of red after that!

Oh my...it's like he has this sixth sense for knowing just how to up the embarrassment in public LOL! I will count my lucky stars again that my kids think those are "naughty" words to say...so they don't say them. :)

WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I feel your pain about that one. You're right mommies never pee in privacy hence the reason when potty training little boys always want to pee sitting down. That's my opinion. ;) Eventually peeing standing up outside is just way cooler so they get over the sitting down thing.

No, I did not make that cake. The woman who's shower I was at she and a friend of hers made it. Pretty impressive though.

And Mr. Daddy, Rach always has ideas. You're just in trouble there. :D