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About the Author

Lori Palatnik is a writer and Jewish educator who has appeared on television and radio. She is the Founding Director of The Jewish Women's Renaissance Project, an international initiative that brings thousands of women to Israel each year from 18 different countries on highly subsidized programs to inspire them with the beauty and wisdom of their heritage (www.jwrp.org). She is a much sought-after international speaker, having lectured in the U.S., Canada, Mexico, U.K., Central America, South America, South Africa and Israel, including featured talks at Yale, Brown and Penn. She lives in the Washington, D.C. area with her husband, Rabbi Yaakov Palatnik, and is the busy mother of five children, ages 25 to 15.

Visitor Comments: 8

(7)
ana,
December 15, 2011 11:01 PM

who wants all children to be the same?

i never heard anything like this, unless i count how some people think all people should be the same--the same color, with the same interests, with the same way of practicing religion. i've never heard this from parents, unless i count the parents who want the children to be just like them instead of just like themselves. poor children. poor parents.

(6)
chavie gottlieb,
December 13, 2011 10:03 PM

poster children aren't dull!

Boring child? Sounds like the mother needs some hobbies or outlets. As my kids turn into productive and happy young adults, the nachas is beyond great. I could just watch them function in mundane tasks over and over again and never be bored. I was a part of their development and that is never boring. Yes, we educate each child in their own derech but having a rebellious child is challenging and not needed for an exciting family life. There is still a wide gap between poster child and rebellious. Nothing wrong with average. It sounds like your friend was trying to make someone feel better. And for those who have poster children, just count your blessings and enjoy your nachas. Your grandkids will bring much excitement into your life!

(5)
Shulamis Mallet,
December 13, 2011 7:28 PM

All roads lead to roam

Great video Lori. I think the picture you present is a little too simple though. Really difficult kids usually become really difficult adults. The key is to not lose contact with them. As difficult as it is, stay with them, show faith in them. You have a better chance of getting them through the hard times and teaching them how to deal with their own issues. As far as the poster child, unfortunately many of them go off the deep end. They're usually poster perfect for a reason. Often it's to make up for some crisis in their life that has affected the other family members and they feel a need to be perfect. Beware! Don't assume that that child isn't harboring some really deep troubled feelings. It's a parent's job to make sure they know what's going on in the minds of all their kids, as best they can. That child may one day explode! Even if the child really is poster perfect, by discussing issues that are going on in their lives, you teach them how to communicate, and how to think more deeply. Then you don't end up with a boring child (or adult) either. It's the kids in the middle of the road that are the real test and often end up the best. They'll go through bouts of difficulty, but with support and guidance, they'll learn how to handle life's bumps. They'll also be more tolerant of others that have more difficulty with the bumps. Just don't keep throwing their mistakes back in their faces. I wouldn't want my kids to be exactly like me, either. If I want to see myself, I can look in the mirror. (Mirrors are overrated). Each one has a unique road to follow. When you know you've started them on the right one and have given them the tools they need to get where they need to go, you can more or less sit back and enjoy the ride. Sure, sometimes you need to help them pay the tolls and handle the pit stops, but more or less, they're good to go and are their own GPS, G-d's Personal Servant. All the Best, Shulamis

(4)
yochevet uziel,
December 13, 2011 7:07 PM

three cheers for diversity

I have just one child, a son. He thinks for himself. Sometimes he drives me and everyone else crazy because his thoughts are so far out and original. We all try to listen to him. Then he'll say, "Did you understand?" and we'll say, "Not a word." He also has obsessive compulsive disorder which makes him afraid to do certain things which are easy to most people. One day, I found myself being very kind to him, giving him a choice between getting the granola, which scared him because he had a 'rule' about it, and getting the yogurt. My first inclination was to yell at him and tell him to just get the granola, and not to be ridiculous. Then I was struck by a thought, "He is not me." I have my limitations and rules, he has his. I need not be scared because he is not like society demands. So thank you, Lori for once again sharing your compassionate wisdom. It is so refreshing.

(3)
Joanna Vail,
December 13, 2011 2:48 AM

joannavail@gmail.com

I wish my mom could have seen this video when I was younger. I think it would have saved her a lot of anguish to see how different I was than my siblings. I hope as I get older, she can grow to appreciate my differences. It's a lot of pressure being the "different" kid in your immediate family, among your siblings, but families tend to appreciate the different child later in life.

(2)
Sharon,
December 11, 2011 7:26 PM

There's something wrong with that woman

What kind of mother would call her own child boring? That is a great insult. And for what? For being too good? I would be happy to have at least one poster child. And I'm sure bad parents wouldn't end up with identical kids. God created them different and they'll eventually respond even to identical parenting in a different manner.

Anonymous,
December 14, 2011 5:03 AM

I agree!

How rude to call your own child boring!!! Lori...how can you endorse a mother insulting her child. It goes against this whole video. For example..isn't the whole point to love and appreciate each child for who he or she is??? Very disappointing

(1)
Alan S.,
December 11, 2011 11:15 AM

Well, that is one way of looking at.

Sure, we all want our children to succeed according to their way. It's just the road that they take (to get there)where me and Ms. Palatnik disagree. It surely is good if the rebellious child 'comes back' (that is, becomes a happy, well adjusted (and hopefully successful) person. Interesting is good too. But sometimes, sadly, they don't 'come back' at all. And sometimes, they don't 'come back' in a good way, that is, successful, happy, or interesting. And sure, sometimes, they 'come back' interesting, happy, and everything is great. But I for one would prefer the child that didn't give me gray hairs, or stomach ulcers. And, I would prefer the child that didn't challenge me every step of the way. Ideally, we all want our children to be poster children, and of course we accept them as they are. But do we really want the child that gives us agitar or tzuris? I'll take the 'boring' child anyday. Life is difficult enough as it is. I would much prefer my child not make it more difficult.