Posted
by
CmdrTaco
on Tuesday August 31, 2010 @01:35PM
from the we're-gonna-need-a-bigger-net dept.

An anonymous reader writes "The space age has filled Earth's orbit with all manner of space junk, from spent rocket stages to frozen bags of astronaut urine, and the problem keeps getting worse. NASA's orbital debris experts estimate that there are currently about 19,000 pieces of space junk that are larger than 10 centimeters, and about 500,000 slightly smaller objects. Researchers and space companies are plotting ways to clean up the mess, and a new photo gallery from Discover Magazine highlights some of the proposals. They range from the cool & doable, like equipping every satellite with a high-tech kite tail for deployment once the satellite is defunct, to the cool & unlikely, like lasers in space."

approach to fighting space junk. Your idea will not work. Here is why it won't work. (One or more of the following may apply to your particular idea, and it may have other flaws which used to vary from state to state before a bad federal law was passed.)

( ) Junkers can easily use it to create more space junk( ) Space stations and other legitimate space uses would be affected( ) No one will be able to find the guy or collect the money( ) It is defenseless against brute force space dumps( ) It will stop space junk for two weeks and then we'll be stuck with it( ) Users of space will not put up with it( ) NASA will not put up with it( ) The space police will not put up with it( ) Requires too much cooperation from space junkers( ) Requires immediate total cooperation from everybody at once( ) Many space users cannot afford to lose business or alienate potential employers( ) Space junkers don't care about other junk in their junk( ) Anyone could anonymously destroy anyone else's career or business

( ) Ideas similar to yours are easy to come up with, yet none have everbeen shown practical( ) Any scheme based on opt-out is unacceptable( ) We should be able to talk about space Viagra without being censored( ) Countermeasures should not involve missles( ) Countermeasures should not involve more junk( ) Countermeasures must work if phased in gradually( ) Sending things to space should be free( ) Why should we have to trust you and your space garbage company?( ) Incompatiblity with space licenses( ) Feel-good measures do nothing to solve the problem( ) I don't want the government cleaning up space( ) Killing them that way is not slow and painful enough

Furthermore, this is what I think about you:

( ) Sorry dude, but I don't think it would work.( ) This is a stupid idea, and you're a stupid person for suggesting it.( ) Nice try, assh0le! I'm going to find out where you live and burn yourhouse down!

I'd say the shipping costs would be quite low, actually. Fast delivery times too. You could place your order, grab a baseball glove, head out to the back yard, and receive your package 5 minutes later.

Cybernetic space sharks would easily take care of the problem of keeping the burgeoning space whale population under control. As we all know, the space whales keep orbital junk under control... wait, I think I'm getting ahead of myself here...