December 26, 2008

Meet your special protector

According to the TV quiz show “Jeopardy,” the patron saint of yachtsmen is St. Adjutor. I’ll say that again in case you weren’t concentrating: St. Adjutor.

I haven’t yet managed to find out why he became our patron saint, or why nobody except Alex Trebek knows that he is. But I did discover that this bashful saint was a Benedictine monk, born in France in the late 11th century. In 1095 he caught the travel bug and joined some Norman knights on the First Crusade, an expedition that was attended by many miraculous occurrences. He ended up in a Moslem jail, escaped, and, safely back in France, developed a reputation for sanctity at the Abbey of Tiron.

From a sailor’s point of view he had a few flaws—piety, compassion, and charity, mainly—but they served only to make him more respected, and when he died on April 30, 1131, he was quite famous.

And now it’s good to know there’s a saint keeping a special watch over yachts in trouble. In the past we’ve had to share a patron saint with commercial sailors. He’s St. Elmo, the saint of the fiery balls—those glowing globular discharges of static electricity sometimes seen around mastheads.

But now St. Adjutor is ours exclusively. So give him a big hand, willya? Let’s hear it for good old Adjie.

Today’s ThoughtThere is a pirate in all of us. There must be, else how could such a bunch of foul, rotten, murdering, thieving bastards have gained such a romantic attraction in the psyches of our artists and children? —George Putz

TailpieceMiss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom.

When she returned with tea and scones the pastor said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" He pointed to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said if you place it on the organ and keep it wet, it will prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."