Status

I am elated to be part of this society. I feel honoured to be one
of them. People here are righteous and honest. Their actions are
perfectly aligned with their exhortations about the propriety of
certain kinds of behaviour. They are fully devoted to this belief
of theirs that material things are ephemeral and that only the
spirit matters. Sometimes they call it “mind” or “soul”. We
understand it through this inner agency of willfulness.
Basically, it amounts to this true self we all have. This
transcendent presence that sets us apart from beasts, plants, and
the rest of the true self’s prison cell—what we call “nature”.
They are refined people. As their teachings go, they do not
attach value to their possessions, nor do they compete for scarce
resources. These are pointless activities of lesser cultures. My
people are different. They truly have ascended, as their
tradition demands. Now they just wait to move on the next domain
of existence.

There are many personas in this social milieu that I venerate.
One that stood out recently is the PhD holder. That translates
into Philosophy Doctor in case you thought something funny.
They stand up to this title. Their ability is peerless. Their
knowledge vast. All of their statements are precise, insightful,
and unambiguous. Their intentions pure. I find it remarkable how
higher education, with the seemingly disproportionate value it
attaches to administrivia, can turn an ordinary bloke into such a
fantastic specimen of higher intellect. It truly is a wonder,
akin to training a monkey into becoming a master dialectician in
the mould of Socrates.

As an aside, one should not use the term “administrivia”. It
might carry negative connotations. We do not want to imply that
formal education has a misplaced sense of pride and duty in its
cumbersome bureaucracy. A more appropriate description is
“criteria of excellence”. They ensure that fraudsters are kept
away from universities.

Take, for example, the case of this random fellow who submitted
their website as proof of their language skills. Years of writing
on different topics. As if that even comes close to having a
language certificate! Thankfully, the people in charge outright
reject the uncertified. They even have programs in place where it
is impossible to even submit something that would be subject to
qualitative assessment. Brilliant! Fraudsters have all sorts of
tricks up their sleeve. They might cheat their way into a
Doctorate. That would be the equivalent of poisoning the well.

So no more “administrivia”. My mistake.

Education of that highest order deserves all the accolades it can
get. For it delivers splendidly on its sole objective of
emancipating people from ignorance and prejudice. Riches and
reputation are petty concerns among ignoramuses.

I would argue that we are in the PhD holder’s debt for their
service to society. They instruct the rest of us. Their mere
presence inspires us to the point where we need not act for
ourselves.

Here is a case in point: a hotly contested topic is discussed on
TV. By the by, “TV” in this society signifies “True Vision”,
enlightenment. It has nothing in common with the junk food of
information diet other peoples get from their television. Again,
this society is different. Back to the story then. Politics is
inherently controversial. We all have our views and
predispositions. Thankfully, there is the Philosophy Doctor to
resolve the tensions; tensions caused by ignorance. Their input
in the discussion is catalytic. They tell us their opinion and,
bam, as if by magic, we all assume this to be the default view.

And I note this phenomenon because there can be no other
explanation as to why years of study equip one to state the
conventional wisdom in slightly different terms. It must be that
we retroactively change our view to match that of the Philosophy
Doctor. It cannot possibly be that they are just acting as the
intellectual vanguard of the establishment. No, that does not
befit an exalted intellectual agent such as the PhD holder you
see on TrueVision.

And this why I truly love this society and would do everything
within my power to be of service to it. Here social status is not
about pretences and titles. It is about merit. We respect the
Philosophy Doctor. Period. It is not because of their
awe-inspiring CV, remarkable though it may be. It also has
nothing to do with their esoteric terminology and tangle of
conflicting meanings that can only hint at profoundness. Don’t
be silly. We only value their wisdom, the very essence of their
Doctorate. For that is what education endowed them with: not
status, just the prowess, nimbleness, and clarity of mind.

Now, to be perfectly honest, there are some naysayers, a fringe
group, who are suspicious of such personas. They claim that a PhD
is only tangentially about science. Most of it has to do with
conditions outside the realm of philosophy and research. Such as
competition within the academic world. Funding and their economic
starting point. Their conformity with the rules, norms and
expectations of the powers that be. Their cultural background and
how that influences people who vouch for them. And so on. Those
despicable nihilists even have the temerity to suggest that they
respect Philosophy Doctors—Philosophy Doctors—only after they
have proven their intellectual worth, never in advance. In other
words, they do not care about the title; the title that the
highest and most noble of educations has bestowed upon them!!!

Such blasphemy. Fortunately, I am not part of that lot. I try to
emulate the good people in my society. The honourable folks.
Learn from them all the secrets of proper living. Currently, I am
working on this unique skill where you mean something completely
different than what you state. Usually the exact opposite. That
way you can preach humbleness, humility, simple life, and the
like, while ignoring the minutiae, such as the fact that you have
the most expensive car possible—and not just one—, or that you
accrue material possessions with unparalleled obsession, or even
that you boast about your achievements in the workplace, by words
and/or actions, and insist that your wealth is proof of your
merit.

This is the best aspect of this society. It knows where its
values are: in what you say about yourself, not who you are.
Hence my infatuation with its Philosophy Doctors on TV. All of
them! This society has decided to attach a special value to
their very status as PhD holders. That is what matters. Ignore
the naysayers. Everything they do is in vein, like having a
healthy meal at a fast food restaurant.

The Philosophy Doctor speaks the truth. We retrofit our
conventional wisdom to it. And then the naysayers interpret this
in reverse, i.e. that, by and large, the PhDs are just parrots of
their paymasters or slightly less crude ignoramuses who repeat in
chorus the absurdities of some greater, more respectful,
ignoramus. Ha! How foolish can you be to not see the obvious.
The title is no coincidence. They truly are Philosophy Doctors
and they guide us on the path to intellectual ascendance.

To this end, I fully endorse this society’s binary thinking about
intellectual achievements. You do not have a PhD? Then you
obviously are an idiot, an oaf, a charlatan, a dishonourable
opportunist, and must also be a malevolent person and an
eccentric, who defies the zeitgeist and who openly questions the
criteria of excellence this society has put in place. You do not
hold a PhD, ergo you are no Philosophy Doctor. You are a
misguided moron for thinking that your opinion matters without
the rubber stamp of authority. You are pathetic, as you have
chosen to speak your mind despite the fact that you are not a
Philosophy Doctor and cannot possibly have anything meaningful to
add to society’s stock of knowledge. Shut up and accept what
your ability—your merit—renders possible. Toil at the
sweatshop for hours on end. No, no talk. No thinking. You
cannot be ruminative. Get up and do something. One, two, one,
two, one, two. Up, down, sit, stay, heel. Good.

I am the greatest proponent of this society and will answer the
call to defend it with alacrity. Being a hero for this lot is a
great achievement. It perpetuates it. And I would do that. For I
truly believe that the establishment’s power is derived solely
from their inner superiority. Such meritocracy has to be upheld
at all costs. Less worthy beings, such as myself, who cannot
fully grasp the workings of this society can at least perform the
honourable task of sacrificing themselves for the rest to be
allowed the freedom to advance the most enlightened of
civilisations.

Oh, but I cannot help but be reminded of those naysayers,
insignificant though they may be. Their call is like a siren’s
song. Alluring, yet deceitful. They put up those posts: “heavy
burdens on broader shoulders”, “break the symbiosis between the
state and the oligopolies”, “bring back the real bread”,
“homeland presupposes justice”, “patents engender trolling, not
innovation”, and similar fancies.

But I know better because I heard on TrueVision a Philosophy
Doctor who elaborated at length about the virtues of this
society. No, their pontifications were not unfamiliar. They
were reformulating that which the naysayers call “conventional
wisdom”, embellishing it with their oracular wisdom. Only fools
pay attention to the naysayers. There is no conventional wisdom.
We are buffoons by default. The Philosophy Doctor is performing
an act of genuine altruism: that of moulding the public opinion
in the interests of enlightenment, of Philosophy, of goodness
for its own sake. There are no ulterior motives whatsoever.

Here is why I am writing this: today I saw the light like never
before. But unlike the other people, it left me blind to
pretenses. Now I can no longer believe in appearances. They are
meaningless. I must touch things to assess their verity. Or at
least have some objective means of confirming their presence and
of understanding their features. This has made me pedantic, some
may say annoying and acerbic. Impossible to work with. I feel
no excitement about things as they are presented. Fortunately I
had the luck to have had prior experience of this society. I
already attained knowledge of the true value it attached to
social status, before this nagging tendency to ask for evidence
and to question conventions. Today, it would be impossible to
provide credence to the advances of the Philosophy Doctor.
Imagine my predicament, my misery! I was lucky to be
indoctrinated. Just as I have always been blessed to be immersed
in this milieu.

Make no mistake! This society is different. I can only pity
the naysayers who do not cherish what is given to them.