Other People's Opinions - When They Should Be Valued and When They Should Not Affect You

Author: Kari Farmer

Sometimes other people will give you an opinion about you that can help you become a better person. This is when they see something in you and then they tell you something that you don't see in yourself like negativity, hatred, potential, or low self-esteem. But sometimes other people's opinions don't matter because they are based on something completely different like jealousy, envy, or a narrow view of who you are. But how do you tell the difference?

​When someone gives you constructive criticism about you they give it from a place of wanting you to do better for yourself. Either you have made them feel bad about themselves with your negative traits or you have exhibited a hefty amount of unwanted and unproductive behavior.

These people will normally give you their opinions about yourself after you have made them, or someone else (including yourself), feel bad. They will not just come out of the blue and try to make you feel bad about yourself until you give them a reason to finally tell you what they think.

You will recognize this as an opinion that you can take to heart when you realize that it resonates as the truth in your very core.

Meaning if they tell you that you are always making them feel bad, and you realize this to be true, then you know that this is an opinion you should value, and this is also an opinion that can benefit you.

An opinion that shouldn't matter to you, and shouldn't affect you, is one that stems from a more negative place and has no tone of wanting you to become better. This is when they are trying to make you feel bad, upset, or worthless for their own gain. Or when they are just spouting off negative comments from their own opinions. Their opinions may come from fear, jealousy, anger, or low-self confidence in themselves.

These opinions do not come out as constructive criticism but more as insults that make you feel bad. They can also come from people who take a very small part of you that they see and form an opinion of you based on that view. But really you are much more than what they see!

A co-worker can be a good example of this. They may offer you their opinion about how you do not live up to the job title that you are in. They may try to make you feel that you are incompetent by telling you that you are always doing this wrong or that wrong even though you know you are putting everything into the job and doing good things in it.

This is when you have to ask yourself if their opinion is true or coming from place of negativity on their part. You will find that the truth will resonate inside of you and as soon as you realize that their opinion is useless to you let it go. Do not harp on 'what if I really do suck at this job?' because you bring yourself down - which was what they wanted from you. Just keep doing what you are doing and recognize the truth within yourself, and listen to your own opinions of yourself.