A few years ago I was harboring suspicions that I had unwanted guests. There were some signs that I might have mice in the house. I saw nothing that convinced me that there were mice, but a suspicion never the less.

Then one day I walked into my kitchen and spotted the rear end of a mouse disappearing into the burner of my stove. I couldn’t deny it any longer and I had to take action. Following some advice from a specialist, I went and bought some mouse traps. I know I should have worked that out for myself, but I didn’t.

I carefully placed several traps baited with peanut butter in the kitchen and waited. Then waited some more. After a few days I was starting to wonder if I had dreamt the sight of the mouse I saw. The next day however, I was able to send out the following announcement to my friends.

Fast on the heels of other great personalities came the announcement of the death of Beauregard the Mouse. He died suddenly early Friday morning while eating some peanut butter. Evidence at the scene indicated that foul play may have played a part in his death. Police have not been notified. Authorities are currently seeking any surviving relatives. Beauregard will be disposed of later today.

I was glad to be rid of the mouse. It hadn’t occurred to me that there might be more than one, but I left the traps out anyway, just in case. The next morning I found another mouse in a trap. I decided to call him Eugene, in the hopes that he was Beauregard’s gay lover. All the same I got more mouse traps.

Not long after I caught a third mouse. I didn’t give this one a name. I reset the traps. I was troubled now, because I didn’t know now how many mice I had. I was down in my basement office working on some e-mail when I happened to turn and notice a small mouse sitting in the corner of the room looking at me. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of the mice being in the basement before.

I laid more traps in the basement. I ended up catching about 15 mice altogether over the next few weeks. There have been none since, so I think I am free.