The Secret Secret

Have you ever wondered what makes some people successful and happy while others languish and struggle to even get by? How do some people make it to top positions and earn lots of money, while others seem to be destined to serve under them? Why does “luck” seem to favor some and overlook others?

In this post, I will share with you the “secret” secret of success. After reading this post, you will be able to apply this secret and find yourself among the “super-achievers” and celebrities that you have always looked up to.

Since this is neither a product review nor an advertisement, I will tell you the secret right away, and then tell you how you can go about applying this secret in your life to become more popular, earn more money, attract the right partner, succeed at your job, and find the meaning of life. Research shows that after you apply this secret principle, your blog traffic will increase tenfold, you will also be able to take better photographs, lose as much weight as you desire, and cross the roads in Hyderabad quickly and easily.

The secret is simple – fairness. Fairness is the secret formula for all success. Fairness can open doors to opportunities that you did not know existed. But of course, this is a truth that all of us know. Here is a quick look at the amazing principle of fairness.

Why does fairness work?

From time immemorial, man (and woman) has used his wisdom to discern between good and evil. Day is good, night is evil; white is good, black is evil; clear is good, muddied is evil. For reasons beyond our comprehension, we are not comfortable with the principle of goodness without an evil to contrast it against. With the subsequent expansion of “civilization” and the “discovery” of the lands of the unfair, the fair people finally got proof that this was how the creator meant things to be. Otherwise, it would have been the unfair who discovered the fair, innit?

This belief has been nurtured and perpetrated down the ages, till it has become ingrained within us. It was the fair that gave our nation the first taste of modernity, in education, in governance, and in healthcare. It was the fair who were at the forefront of the newly formed nation of ours. It was the fair who have given leadership to our country. The only time that we were stuck with a leader who was not fair was when a person who knew more than a dozen languages had nothing to say. That’s “not fair” for you. Of course, the fact that a new and different (as good as alien) kind of fairness was being groomed is beside the point. Over time, fairness, indigenous or otherwise, has been proved to be the touchstone by which all things and people are judged.

How does fairness work?

Fairness works on the principle of cause and effect. If you are fair, you will automatically do the right thing, make the right decision, and take the right path. It might seem inconvenient in the short run, but your fairness will bear fruit in the long run. Being fair is simply being in accordance with the principles of nature. People who are not fair might seem to be making gains but in the long run, they will lose out. See the consequences of being unfair below.

I was not born fair. Can I become fair?

Not being born fair is the result of past karma. Your parents must be either unfair people themselves, or have done some very unfair things in their lives, as a result of which you are unfair too. The other possibility is that you were a very evil person in your previous birth. There is no way you can escape from the fact that you have been born unfair. At best, you can try and capitalize on the reservations and quotas that the fair have made for your type. However, there are steps that you can take to become less unfair in this lifetime. The first step you have to take is to publicly disown your unfair self. You can do this by cutting your hair short, wearing long overcoats and always carrying a large handbag. This must immediately be followed by a conscious decision to dissociate from all things and people that are unfair. If you practice this diligently, in the course of time, you may be eligible to be counted among the fair.

Fairness is like religion. You may be born without it, but there are many who will help you acquire it. You might lose it once you have it, but you can get it back with a dab of foundation and a flick of the compact. The best part of it is that you can lose it over and over again, and get it back every single time. Remember, public memory is short, and no one wants to remember things that are not fair for too long, so just go for it.

How to become fair?

Some ways of becoming fair are easy, some are not, but all of them are fair. The easy way to become fair is to use fairness creams. Remember that one cannot become fair overnight, nor is there one surefire formula for becoming fair. You have to use these creams day and night on a regular basis, and keep using different brands of them, in order to get result. Also keep in mind that you need one kidney to survive, so don’t go about selling the second one to buy those products. You must also be careful not to overuse them, since you might just wake up one morning and find that all the ammonia in them has bleached your face away. Of course, then you will not have to worry about where to hide your face, since you will no longer be having a face to hide. During this process, since you have already disowned your unfair self publicly, if you need to make a public appearance, you will have to resort to foundations and face powders that are meant for fair people. If you use the less fair versions of these, you will be rejected by those you care for, so be very cautious.

Fairness goes deeper than the skin, so just using fairness creams is not enough. You have to shun all the ways of unfair people. Three excellent educational aids for achieving this are the all season DVD packs of Friends, Desperate Housewives, and Sex and the City. Study these carefully and try and personify the superior values that they promote. Many people make the mistake of discarding their unfair accents and adopting a fairer one. This strategy can backfire and people might think that you are nothing but an unfair person with lot of makeup who works in an outbound call center. However, if your speech is anything like mine, with a preponderance of aiyo’s, haila’s, and why because’s, you may want to go for an accent training program, and mind your pee’s and kaiku’s.

What are some of the consequences of not being fair?

If you are not fair, you will not be able to sing well at college functions. You will not get interviews with stars if you are a television newsperson. If you are not fair, you will end up paying more dowry. If you are not fair, no one will complain if you do not burn with an even blue flame. If you are not fair, your chances of being in an accident engineered by the fair multiply. If you are not fair, you may succeed in the short run, but sooner or later, your unfairness will catch up with you, and you will be eating crow, maybe Jim Crow. Even the best of education, the most expensive jewelry and the best designer clothes cannot help you if you are not fair.

But surface level jokes and double entendre's aside, if you are fair, the world might look past you, you may be ignored when opportunities arise, and people might reject you, but you will sleep well knowing that you have done the right thing. If you are not fair, on the other hand, you might get a high score in an exam, but have already flunked the real test of life.

“The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own.” -Benjamin Disraeli

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This post was originally written as an exercise in imitating writing styles and has been sitting in my drafts for a while. Not everything is best served cold. It is being posted purely to offend those who discriminate on the basis of color, caste, class, gender and creed. The comments thread, however, is open to all, the blessed and the godforsaken alike.

(The picture in this post is that of Mehul, our niece, daughter of Subhomoy and Kaberi, at a recent family function.)

33 comments:

Yes, I agree with you..we mask all this a veil of hypocrisy, when we know that this is what is happening in the world..I saw a guy's ad in a matrimonial website which said, "I am fair, 5'11'..seeking a fair bride"..wtf!

When i started reading your post i thought what a coincidence-u r writing on the same topic i posted just now on IB...but u have many ramifications to it...like u i too abhor this fair-fad....gud u brought it up....& it is really hilarious that a fair girl only can sing well...they have not seen Lata M or Asha B.

I have been wanting to write on this topic for a long time. It actually is a widespread disorder that goes beyond fairness discrimination. It simply is a businessman's way of 'creating' a market where there should be none.

Speak English or you will not succeed. Eat Rajnigwandha or you don't know culture. Use latest smart phone or be cast away as nomads... Buy loads of insurance or you will die of tension. I don't have time but the list can go on and on.

Man needs to learn harmony. I intentionally left out woman, because I have a feeling that women are more harmonious inherently with nature. The mankind has pressurized them to a matriachical (can't search spelling now, sworry) society.

A Beautiful article, I must say. Wonder why was it shelved in your drafts for sometime. I say Black is beautiful!!

I would drool over a black forest cake, cant help noticing any black car that passes across the road, love my black tresses and basically think Black signifies Class!

If scientific reason doesn't suffice then how about this one? I recollect asking my Grand Ma years ago.. If its not nice being dark, Why do we pray to Lord Shiva? Why is Krishna all bluish and why do we bow our head to Goddess Kali?? Well, all I got in return was a smile and don't remember her speaking of this thing again.

@Indu - I think a lot of this (fairness fad) is not just circumstantial or evolutionary, but also the result of clever marketing (see Satish N's comments). The only way to beat this is to ignore the messages sent out by the corporates that tell you that you are worth only what you possess and how you appear. Loved your post on social perceptions of success and failure. The only proven secret of success that I know of is, he he he, failure.

@Ana_treek - The matrimonial columns are one of the easiest ways to judge the prevalent social norms. The descriptives used to advertise the girl or boy and the qualities expected from the prospective spouse are often amazing and perhaps unrealistic, but nobody is complaining (except people like us).

@Pranita - In the bastion of free speech and equality, the United States of America, the law banning discrimination based on color was passed as recently as 1969, and eventoday, there are barriers between blacks and whites and hispanics and asians that can rival any casteism bias that we have here in India.

@Satish - You really should write about this, with your insights as an educator and a psychologist working with young people. I am certain your insights will be of immense value to your readers. However, I am not at all certain that this discrimination is gender specific.

@HPK - I tend to keep my writing that I feel strongly about personally in drafts for a number of reasons. Often they are abrasive to insitutions and people. I also tend to evolve in my understanding with time, and sometimes find my earlier views too volatile, biased, and perhaps incomplete. Finally, many of these rants are very personal in nature, and I try and give them time so that the vitriol leaches out of them. Really appreciate your taking time to leave your thoughts behind.

I simply enjoyed your language. I could not help resisting myself from remembering the advertisements in TV channels as I kept reading your post. Was it by anyway intentional? :) and all the time we thought winning is a byproduct of attitude and survival instincts. Thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

THis is hilarious and so well written. I love the play of words between fair and unfair too, almost feels like there is an undercurrent of something more, like you are talking about more than just skin color.

A very important post that underscores the prejudice that lies at the very foundation of our society.

I have always wondered if some tribal ruler from Africa had set on an expedition and had conquered the world establishing his empire instead of the British and the French. Then would "being dark" have been the preferred norm?

Honestly I couldn't understand the intention with which you wrote this initially.

Till I came to the last two paras.It a a thought provoking post.Honestly I love people who are dusky.It adds more beauty to them. It gives them a kind of glamour like no other. So today I think the fair and ufair discrimination is getting bridged.Brown people are equally talented!its the 21st century and I think people should worry about all these things less! :)

@Sanjeevkmenon - glad you liked the post. hope you will keep coming back for more.

@rahul aggarwal - thanks a lot for your comment, it is a pleasure to have you visiting SJD.

@chennaifocus - I had a lot of fun writing this post too, good fun and wicked fun, and yes, I did try to make it sound like a commercial, since at the end of the day, my objective was to sell the farce of fairness. Glad you enjoyed it.

@Jen - Like I said, the universe has a strange sense of justice. America was built with black labor, much of American commerce will come to a standstill if the non-white BPOs stop working, and the world's largest consumer markets are the non-white nations.

What I best like in this very well written post is that you understand that fairness is more than skin colour--it is the ways in which "superior" people act--all of which constitute being fair! Excellent post!

deb - the feeling is mutual; i read most of your posts and wish i could write like you do.

bhavana - i have tried to address multiple issues here, was not sure all of it would get through properly, but glad it did... thanks for your encouraging words, and look forward to seeing you at the hyd indibloggers meet.

someone is special - i so wish the offended people would leave some comments too, just to express their anger at this post. thanks a million for sharing this on your few miles facebook page.