Sunday, July 4, 2010

whirlwind. from the big city to the small. to the mountains and back home.

home.

funny word. it's where the heart is, they say. it's ironic that without the big city this sheep is pretty lost. or too found for comfort. i miss you. and you, and you...but if we're going back in time, i miss you the most.

it's strange to be back home for this long a stretch. they throw at me free love and wads of cash. they show concern and i show disdain. i'm a wretched thing.

i'm being stubborn. what point i'm trying to prove is beyond me. that i can do it all, on my own.

when in reality, it's quite the opposite. it happens by itself, really. right place, right time.

oh-so-lost.

but the point being: every defeat leaves its mark, and i have fallen one too many times. this war has left me weakened and as I spend these months recovering, i will chant a new mantra...

fight only for something worth fighting for.

in retrospect: you were worth it all. in comparison, you were above these grey beings. (am i now doing what i always do and hate myself for- this need to worship?)

so let us gather our strength. let us build our muscle and soldier on. let us not be fooled by shiny things, and let us fight for true beauty.