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Hello, Friends today I’m 3 years sober. The last few days I have been celebrating with loved ones, including a dinner tonight. This past week I have been Self Reflecting on my journey in recovery. It brings me to tears seeing where I’ve been and where I am at today. The pain, the struggle, the tears, the work, the sadness, the healing, the unknowns, the anxiety, the fears were all worth this moment here now. I feel peaceful and immense gratitude for my recovery. Life does get better even in challenging times. Now that I’m sober and clean I find the solution quicker or see my human errors faster. It seemed like my second year sober has flown by. Time goes fast, while I am happy, content and sober. While in addiction it seemed like time was the enemy, filled with pain and waiting for the next drink.

This year my goal was to create new experiences, create a healthy balanced life, and work toward my dreams. I also wanted to get to know myself more see my defects and assets clearly. A balanced lifestyle is vital for my life because it prevents another addiction or stops any obsessions from growing. Now that my soul and mind feel clean, healthy and free I am starting to work on my body. I stopped nicotine, and cut back on my caffeine intake. I allow myself one cup of coffee in the morning instead of 5 shots of espresso. I also stopped diet cokes and red bulls. I want to be free from all vices and really present in my day. I want to be healthy all around, and don’t want to take life for granted.

My second year sober has been amazing but at times challenging. There are areas in life that I’ve made real progress like working towards my book series and my relationship but I also regressed in other areas. It’s okay to have moments of regression because we are human and not perfect. What’s important is to see the regression, see the poor choices or find my human errors and defects. It’s important to take accountability and accept the consequences. These human errors are just lessons to bring a greater awareness of self. I can choose to wallow in pity and sit in sorrow or learn and make different choices. Every time I have a human error, I forgive myself right away. I have to, I don’t allow my ego or infected mind to beat me up but I do change what is needed or find out why I did what I did.

Forgiving yourself is freeing, it brings you back to the present where the solution lives. In the past I would be sad for days, allowing my mind to be abusive to my soul. In sobriety I came to a realization that I am not my past; I am the lesson learned from my past. I have to stay vigilant because my disease never goes away. Everyday I ask myself questions like what is guiding me? Is it my diseased ego mind or addiction voice? Is it my higher power or true self? When life seemed chaotic I knew I took a wrong turn somewhere or living from my ego. When I become aware that I am off track than I search within my soul to see where I got off track. My reactions, emotions, and situations are evidence showing me there is something wrong inside myself. Through prayer and meditation I can slow the mind to find the solution. After I see my human errors make different choices and keep it moving. Human errors are easy to overcome when I don’t wallow in pity but find the lesson or solution.

My second year sober was not challenging in the sense of not drinking, I’ve only had one craving in three years sober and that was in my first few months. Challenging in living life on life terms. I have to accept the universe, I can’t fight against it. I will lose, the universe is way more powerful than my human capabilities. Also the universe is always speaking to me and showing me what I need to do or stop doing, what needs healing or gives opportunities for growth. It might feel horrible or uncomfortable but its trying to push me to my full potential. Life is real, truer, and I also feel life extremely.

Something I realized this year is I don’t do well in stressful situations, and in the past I was better. I need to really work on calming my mind and body in unforeseen events. I tend to get deep anxiety that can last for a week. That just the way my body and diseased mind works. I don’t take medications for my anxiety and have holistic treatments, if it gets bad. In my second year sober I felt more anxiety than usual. I had to accept what I was feelings and let it flow out of me. I had to sit on a cold floor, take a warm bath, let out tears and meditate, or go for a walk. In the depths of addiction, I wasn’t living, feeling, or dealing with life. Sober has forced me to deal and feel.

I still consider myself a newbie because I am only three years sober, three years of getting to know true self, watching my mind and healing my darkness. I still don’t know all the reasons why I became an addict but in time they will surface. It took sometime for me to realize that a reason for my Addiction was to numb my anxiety. My first year sober was more about getting to know the addiction that lived in the mind and separating addiction from true self. My first year sober I was overly focused on doing whatever it took to maintaining sobriety. This second year was all about creating a more balanced life and recovery program. I got to be very intimate with myself so I know what worked and what didn’t. Life also got more complex, so i had to learn how to balance healing in recovery and creating a healthy relationship. I was able to find a more balanced recovery program. My life has gotten bigger, a lot of change and also new challenges. I moved into a new home with the love of my life, got a new job, loss some people and stop nicotine. In those big changing times I did not crave and for that I am grateful.

Challenging times is only a challenge if I define it as a challenge. I can change my perception to an opportunity to learn. I have to always see the sliver lining. It does get easier to not pick up a drink but that doesn’t mean life is miraculously perfect or gets better without work, time and effort. I had to take time to sit with myself to see what I needed to heal, I had to put work in to change the way my mind thinks. I do find myself being able to find happiness within my soul in hard times easily. I don’t allow my mind to run off or allow my emotions to bring me to a dark place. I allow the tears to flow and accept what is. Accepting what is creates freedom to change or create. If I don’t accept what is than I am not dealing with reality, it will create anger or resentment towards people and the universe.

I am also learning what it means to form healthy relationships, create boundaries with some and cutting out people who are unhealthy. My life was going great in most aspects and some parts of my life seemed chaotic. In one relationship in particular, I kept allowing bad behavior from a person. I kept forgiving and letting go, than found myself week’s later stressed out, filled with anxiety or hurt by them again. It’s no ones fault but my own, it has to come back to self, I allowed their bad behavior. I had to take deep look within my soul to see why I allowed their bad behavior to go on for so long. I still don’t have a clear answer since we recently parted ways. I do know there is some unhealed trauma that allows unhealthy people into my life. That relationship was causing deep anxiety.

Forgiving doesn’t mean I should still be around them if the bad behavior continues. Since I kept allowing that person to hurt me, the pressure built and built and I imploded with anxiety. I can forgive and let them go. I still care deeply for this person they’re part of my family. So I know I need to coexist with boundaries. My well-being and sobriety has to come first over everything including my relationships. I don’t know what the future holds for that person and me. I’m wiser because of the failed relationship. I also have to acknowledge the blood on my hands in the failed relationship and see what I can do better. I can’t change them but can change myself. That person brought out issues that I need to work on. In some weird way I am grateful for that experience because it has forced me to start creating boundaries and taught me to communicate when I feel a hurt by another person. Not to say everything is fine when it’s not. I was burying my emotions that created me to have irrational behavior. That person was a great teacher. I had to go through that experience to see there is something in me that needs healing for allowing bad behavior in my life. I am grateful for that chaotic time because it is bringing me a greater self-awareness.

I want to around people who enhances my life and not around chaos and drama. I have forgiven and have compassion for that person. I also can’t spend energy and time trying to find closure. There will be times I wont have closure and I have to accept that. That person is committed to never understanding my feelings or why I had to cut them out. I can’t force someone to take responsibility; I had to accept that person doesn’t care. In any loss relationship whether with friends or family it’s hard. Feeling the loss is hard but possible to overcome wiser.This second year sober has taught me how to say no to others and yes to myself.

I am grateful for my sobriety that has allowed me to see clearly who is unhealthy and who is healthy. I am grateful for my partner Vince who is my biggest cheerleader but also a person who calls it like it is. He shines a light on my defects and assets. He helps me see the good and not so good in me, I am not perfect but always a work progress. This year sober theme was duality, regressions but also blooming. There are still some old behavior that has brought chaos to my life, but I am grateful that I am sober so I can fully understand it and change it. I am never working towards perfection but towards be whole in my soul.

My book series is complete and should be out in 2018. It still feels surreal and brings tears to my eyes. Not only is it possible to overcome addiction but to achieve real dreams that once seemed far out of reach. I was always reaching for the bottle but now I am reaching for my dreams.

Today I’m 1000 days sober. I feel nothing but gratitude for the wisdom I’ve gained in my time sober. I know myself more than ever, “who I am” and “who I am not”. I clearly see my innate gifts and what my issues are. Since my mind is clear and sober i get to act on my innate gifts while working on my issues. Issues I find deep in my soul. There’s still a lot of learning ahead. Some lessons will be through pain and some will be easy. I just have to accept whatever the universe gives me. Know there is a reason why things happen. I might not be able to see the lesson right away so I just have to accept what is. The lesson might arrive later once the pain subsides. I can’t always know why everything happens, i just have to accept that it does. I can’t run or hide or bury what is, i have to fully embrace it and make the necessary changes. The universe is very powerful and has magic my human eyes can’t always see. I just have to stay open for the lesson.

I’ve been working on my first novel that has turned into a three book series. I use to think it had to be done right away or within a years but I can’t rush this process, I just have to let it come alive. All three books are basically done and the editors are ready but I am still making some small adjustments. There’s only been one person to read through all three books. This person is an avid reader, who usually finishes two books in one week. They loved the series so that was huge relief and a boost in my confidence. Right now I am in a stage called “The Middle” that’s in between the realization of the goal or dream and the achievement. I am finding “The Middle” to be the most important part because it defines the destination. The middle has also been the most fun because it’s where I am most creative. The middle might is where i spend most of my time, so I have to enjoy it. I have to allow space, failures, growth and change to happen. The middle part is where I see what needs to be change, what work needs to be done, and it allows me to put in a plan of action. In this stage I have to be kind to myself and enjoy the ride, dream big, and put in the work. I’ve been writing six hours a day for the past two years. The middle part has taken time but it’s necessary. My persistence overpowers my failures. Failures are necessary and rejection is inevitable, but it’s not the end destination.

I don’t have all the answers on how to stay sober or be successful in life, all I can do is work towards my goals and dreams. All I can do is live one day at a time and try to be present in each day. I know that my ego is the creator of all misery. If I’m upset or angry somewhere in that pain is ego. I know I will always have Alcoholism, Alcohol-Inside Self and Mind. I know my disease centers in my mind that creates the body craving. That’s why I have to always be aware of the mind voice, but it has gotten very quite since I’ve been sober. As of now, my true self seems to be stronger than my disease but I know it wont always be this way. There will be extreme pain ahead, people will die in my life but my recovery program is my safety net. My second year sober has been pretty effortless but there have been some life challenges. I now face life challenges head on and embrace those uncomfortable feelings instead reaching for a drink. Feeling life is very important in recovery, feeling everything and not burying it. So I cry when I need to or laugh when I want to. My feelings now live on my skin and not underneath whiskey poison. Burying my feelings will create an infection that creates holes in my soul. When holes in the soul are created we try to fill them with outside false happiness like shopping or food or sex but the goal is the not let the holes get there in the first place. So I can’t bury my feelings I have to embrace my feelings. The more challenges I face in life, the more wisdom and strength I will gain. If life becomes too hard, drinking is off the table, I can write or do something that can calm my soul. I’ve only had one craving for that whiskey poison and that was in my first months sober, cravings have seemed to vanish. I make sure to stay grateful for my sobriety, if i wasn’t sober than i would have nothing. My home, my partner, my family or friends. Human connection is the most important thing in my life.

The longer I am sober, the more I forget that I was once an addict. Since being sober I have created so many amazing memories, it seems like the new great memories are erasing the old past pain. The past is the past, it’s not my current moment. I can’t use my infected past guide my day or I can’t react to the present with the past. Now that I am sober, I have a clear slate to create anything I want. The past doesn’t play over and over in my head, I no longer feel that deep shame of my past addiction. We are not our addiction symptoms, not the past pain, the shame or guilt of hurting loved ones. We are the courage and strength it took to change, that’s our True self. There has been a lot of happy memories made in my 1000 days sober and I focus on those. I no longer wake up to blackout crimes or wake up with hangovers, now I wake up to goals and dreams. I’ve been working on achieve those. If we can overcome addiction, just imagine what else we can accomplish. If we took that hard work and dedication we put into our recovery program and apply that into a relationship or career we would see success in those areas. Meeting small goals in life will build confidence and small goals lead to big goals or life changing goals. Small goals are very important and should be celebrated, like making a month sober, how incredible is that. The courage it took just to get sober for a month, go for another month. Months add up and eventually you will be a year sober, and years add up too.

The people I lost due to my addiction are back in my life, but my relationships are better than before. I feel a deep connection to the people in my life, it’s as if my compassion and empathy for other humans have grown. I love bigger and unconditional but not just other i have deep love for myself. I feel like i am own greatest fan and best friend. I treat my body, mind and soul with deep respect. Our body is the only real home we have. I now understand what it means to be good to other humans and enjoy human connection more than ever. Every single day I try to be as present as my mind allows. I trust others but more importantly I trust myself in taking charge of my life and making decisions.

Healing is not about becoming happier, or feeling bliss all the time. Healing is more of letting go of everything that isn’t my true self. Letting go of child abuse, letting go of my traumas, letting go of the addiction, letting go everything that is preventing my full potential and only than am I healing, and left with my true self.

Hello Friends today is two years sober, I am filled with gratitude, love and purpose. Day one sober I was laying on a mattress in small apartment with nothing, only the want to be sober. I lost the love of my life and most of my friends. I was filled with self hate, guilt and shame. I knew with every cell in my body that the only way for me to rise from my rock bottom was to stay sober and find a recovery program. My addiction created a lot of chaos that was still alive and surfacing in my early days and months sober. All I had was my higher power and hope that one day I would be the Adolfo that the universe had attended. I saw no clear path because my mind, body and soul were still detoxing from the alcohol. All I did know was that alcohol took everything great from my life, and now I was saying goodbye to the only true friend I thought I had and that was the substance. Alcohol was my escape from my dark childhood, it was my confidant in my hard times and was there for me in my good times. Alcohol wanted to be the only thing in my life, and started taking everything away. After saying goodbye to alcohol two years ago I am now back with the love of my life. Just moved into a home in Venice Ca. Everything I lost because of my addiction I’ve gained back but even better than before. Alcohol was never a friend but an enemy preventing me from having human connection, a connection with myself and a connection with my higher power.

I still have work to do and I am never free from addiction disease, I know if I pick up again it will have a ripple affect in my life, and my life is so great why destroy it for that buzz. The buzz I now crave is feeling life and love. Most of my life I disliked feeling anything. Numbing for me meant no pain or hurts from others but it also numbed me from good feelings as well. Healing and overcoming my addiction involved growing strong emotion muscles. Now that I am able to feel life and not numb life I have to embrace every feeling in every situation. The more I feel life and not hide from life, the stronger my emotion muscles get. I also had to start feeling those dark and difficult sensations I use to suppress during my childhood and addiction. I grew up hating my feelings because I was a very sensitive child. Everything hurt so I thought if I just numb my feelings I wouldn’t hurt. The problem lies because when I numb the bad feelings I also numb the good feelings. Once I got sober I had to start trusting that my negative feelings won’t destroy me. The fear in sobriety won’t kill me. No feelings that come in sobriety will destroy me. Emotional development will be the inevitable outcome once my muscles grow strong. Cravings are terminated when there’s no longer a need to numb or run from my feelings or my truth. Feeling life will bring wholeness and healing. In the past when I tired to get sober there were recovery programs that scared me into getting sober but also helped me gain some insights into addiction. I was in sobriety and struggling to make my life work but in so much pain. That was a sign that I was not recovering. I had to let go of the past pain in order to feel life in the moment. I had to start seeing my life as a clean slate and create from there.

Thinking my way through life without embracing feelings was a way to survive as a child, living in the mind. That works against me as an adult. I looked for insight with my infected mind, some how thinking it will lessen my internal misery. When I first got sober I believed the recipe for happiness was buried within the chapters of a book or outside myself. Outside stuff will somehow heal my inner pain or relieve me of pain. Happiness is acquired in gradual steps . It’s an inside job that requires steady, hard work and dedication to growth and healing everyday. Baby steps will get me there. Wellness has to be a conscious choice. My mind, body and soul need to work together and be on the same page, or my life will go astray. I’ve struggled with bad feelings my whole life. I use to think bad feelings did me no good. At times staying busy helped me ignored them. I thought if I just worked a lot of hours or took a class I would feel fine. Bad feelings wont leave if I don’t embrace them and let them flow out of me or onto paper. It’s a human emotion that will always come up no matter how great life is, I will eventually feel sadness and that’s OK. I had to learn how to be comfortable in pain and not hid or react right away in pain. I have to embrace it, grieve and let it go.

I can use sadness as a guide to change or for art. Addicted behavior means stay busying, numbing and not dealing. When I was an active addict and in times that were calm and serene my mind started racing causing my emotions to start feeling bad. I would hit the bottle or use outside substance to numb me from feeling. That’s why being alone was the worst for me, all I had was this infected mind that made me feel fear so I would drink and drink until the next day repeating the cycle. I never learned how to deal with bad feelings. I would rush to my head, analyze those awful emotions. I would give them reasons to be there like I deserved to feel sad or anger emotions or beat myself up for wrongdoings probably some I hadn’t committed or even committed yet. I would than feel even worse. Emotions automatically became thoughts, and I never learned how to separate my emotions and thoughts from my true self. Now that I am sober, I can see that i am not my emotions, thought’s, or surroundings, I am the captain of those three.

Anything that seemed unfamiliar or foreign brought intimidating feelings, my natural instinct is to want to feel safe in the unknowns especially as a child or when I first start having strong feelings for someone. I frequently found a hideout or an escape as a child in film or music. As an adult I turned to alcohol and never took a leap of faith without certainty. Now, I just embrace those unknowns and let them play out. I can’t let my mind prevent me from experiencing life in all forms. The goal of healing is to learn to feel everything. Feel my past pain, let it flow out of me. Feel my present moment and whatever that is. My feelings were suppressed as a child causing my emotional growth to be underdeveloped. I was at times abused when expressing happiness because my parents were annoyed with the sound of my voice. I started showing limited emotions out of fear. Growing up trying to function with a very limited number of emotions hindered my ability to react properly in life. That’s when I turned to drugs, booze, sex, and food to copewith difficult and awkward experiences. Those experiences created negative feelings. If my parents soothed and helped me learn to accept my feelings as a kid rather than escaping or shutting them down. I would never have needed to numb my discomfort with substances or behaviors. Running from my misery was the only means of surviving the dark childhood. As an adult it harmed and hindered my growth.

It always seems worse, before it gets better. That is very true when you first get sober. The worse stage only lasted a few weeks for me and that may differ in every one. It will get better but it will be challenging. The good news is there is so many outlets of support every step of the way from meetings and online groups. The next noticeable sign in recovery is noticing the absence of pain. That also felt uncomfortable because pain was a big part of my life, and when pain left I felt empty. That’s a good sign to start creating self love, compassion, gratitude, and positive emotions inside myself. It brings a life high that is indescribable and can last as long as you want it. As a child I learned to be a non-needing human. I had to adapt to situations instead of dealing with my emotions, those emotions built up overtime. My difficult feelings did not matter because I just needed to survive. My coping process that helped put those emotions away was living in my head. I fantasize most of my day about how life will bedifferent when I grow up. I thought I would be in control over my life circumstances. I would also see sad movies and think they had it worst than I did, that made me feel better. I would compare my life to others and that helped me feel thankful for my life that was horrible, it made me feel grateful for my pain in some weird way. There’s always someone who has it tougher. We always hear stories of our grandparents having to walk in the snow for hours or work long hours. So I felt I had to accept my pain or situations. I would say well my pain isn’t so bad, minimalize the pain I was in. It was an excuse not to change. Being mentally abused or bullied in school I would tell myself, well I could be dead. It was the wrong way of thinking. I built up an incredibly high tolerance for pain, misery and discomfort. My pain level had to be severe to get my attention and even then I would not change. My compassion was reserved for others and never for myself. When feelings surfaced that were difficult my parents thought it was unacceptable. When feelings are treated as bad or wrong, we regarded them precisely the same as we get older. Harshly judging them and myself as bad when they surface. Each time bad feelings like frustrations and anger came up, I tried to make them go away instead of embracing them and finding the root cause.

Beneath my addictions had a common denominator. I’ve been a survivor of traumas, filling my inner emptiness or deadness with substance. An addict to more than one thing, when I stopped one substance I moved on to the next. I couldn’t give up all drugs and alcohol, I needed something to fill me up. After detoxing and healing I can now start to search within myself for talents and abilities. I believe each of us come into this life with unique talents and abilities. When these inherent gifts are recognized we can begin to learn who we actually are. It has taken me twenty-eight years to find my talents and purpose. I guess I am what you would call a late bloomer. I feel one of my talent is, understanding human nature. My therapist once told me I should be a therapist. I did not understand what he meant at the time. He said I understood myself very well. It was as if I already knew the answer I just needed reassurance. I believe my childhood traumas and living with addict parents, growing through addiction has pushed me into finding out why people act the way they do. Challenging paths forced me to get intimately acquainted with myself so I can help others do the same.

Addiction is not the cause of my pain. I was the cause of my pain, i allowed to pain to grow and grow. Addiction is only a symptom of needing to escape feelings that been dangerous or scary to have whether they’re bad, or good. It’s not just negative feelings that are scary. Feeling positive ones can be as well. I lacked the frame of reference on how to embrace happiness and love. It felt foreign and uncomfortable and the reflex to self-sabotage came out eventually.

Healing doesn’t come quickly and if it did I would feel like I’m living inside someone else body. Two years of hard work has gotten me here today. If i did not go through the process from day one sober to two years sober than i would not know how to deal with life situations. I would feel threatened not being able tolerate the change if it happen quickly. Change happens gradually, so I can adjust to it as it comes. Change involves slow growth. Imagine being a normal citizen than overnight you’re famous. Change that happens really quickly can cause me to be destabilized. Now imagine if that change happened quickly inside us. I might go crazy, wanting to go back to my old addiction ways. Growth must occur slowly, or it might be hard to handle even if the rewards are huge.

While i was an active addict and felt internal pain I search outside myself to cope. When I felt lonely inside I searched for sex outside. This is the same with love. Growing up I felt unlovable at an early age so I searched for love outside myself. Having a good relationship with myself was impossible while being an active addict. I found myself failing miserably in my early relationships because I had little self-love. Upon deeper analysis, I found out that self-esteem and self-love are issues that are related together. Suffering from low self-esteem, it is deficient of self-love. Loving myself felt unnatural in the beginning of sobriety because my mind was my enemy and was ingrained with self-sabotaging thoughts for twenty eights years. Creating self-love is conscious decision. When I didn’t love myself, I was basically telling the Universe that I was unworthy or undeserving of any love or positive outcomes. Manifesting unhealthy people in my life, allowing myself to stay in relationship that I suffered from, like cheating partners and abusive partners. I allowed people to be disrespectful to me because I was disrespectful to myself. Learning to love myself starts with making a conscious decision, an intention to become happy and lead a fulfilled life. It’s impossible to reach full potential with no self love or low self-esteem. Once I started creating self love and building up my self esteem my life started syncing together like a rebirth.

As a child no matter what my parents did to me, I still had deep love for them. I unquestionably loved my parents even when they abused me and were the source of my pain. I even lied to protect my parents from the police. With that I learned to accept that love comes with pain. That became the foundation to my relationships were all my adult attachments were built on. In short, love equaled pain and this pain must be calmed, or how can I maintain love? I put up with others hurting me and stood by there side no matter what, that created a lack of respect for myself. I thought i was unlovable so even the slightest touch of affection was enough. I thought since it was difficult to gain parents love, it will be hard to gain love from someone else. I thought I had to put up with others abuse and that pushed me to the bottle. I had to unlearn most of what i was taught as a child and i am still unlearning.

I can’t escape my bad parts and only hold onto the good parts, I have to accept them all and if there are parts that need work, then I work on them. Before I work on them I have to accept than understand them. The longer that I am sober the more comfortable I am with my dark feelings or dark side. I know use it for my artwork. It doesn’t mean I’m a bad person, I just enjoy finding pain inside myself to create poetry. I enjoy dark art and some unwatchable films. Knowing my dark side and good side brings me a more understanding of myself and also on what I need to change. Feelings are just parts of me that I discarded a long time ago, and they’re wanting to find their home again inside me. Feelings are not my true self just but a source I can use to find my true self. Being a healthy and a whole person means being able to experience and operate from a full repertoire of different types of emotions, without self-judgment. This is what’s required to be a multi-dimensional, fully integrated human being. My dark emotions are not monsters that live under my bed, they are inside myself and I have to embrace them. I can’t drown them or outrun them. My young formative years had powerfully influences on my beliefs, principles, and sense of Self. True healing means challenging some long-standing ideas, superstitions and rules I lived by, which had trapped me in self-loathing and toxic shame.

I am unlearning flawed beliefs and faulty patterns that has brought chaos to my life. My program may keep me from using but I have to be resolving the underlying pain that made me want or need to use. Getting sober has been easier than shifting how I think. It’s like having to learn a whole new way of thinking so I can perceive the world differently. Sobriety doesn’t fix my life it just gives me an opportunity to fix my own life through my recovery program. I wake up everyday happy and next to my love and working on the last chapter of my novel. It’s very possible to not only stay sober but to achieve dreams and goals that will heighten the love I have for sobriety.

So today i will spend the day in tears of joy with my love and good friends. I now know my past addiction, dark childhood, shame, guilt, pain, feelings, addiction symptoms, human errors are not I or my true self. I am who I choose to be right now, in this moment. We are all souls having a human experience and our worst parts do not define ourselves.

I have been missing in action on Sober Is the New Black due to working on my first novel, it should be done very soon so i can get back to blogging and poetry. Here are some Poems i have created since my Last post, share them if you’d like. I can also email you any poems for free, most of my poems will be in the novel.

Hello Friends, today is 600 days of sober. I just got back from a three-week vacation in Palm Springs Ca. Palm springs is my hometown so I was surrounded by supportive family and friends. Seeing the ones I love with sober eyes and a clean mind is a great gift. Being in the moment around them and feeling noting but gratitude. The New Year will bring upon some amazing moments like my first novel being published, plus my job ending this month so I can start writing full time. All I have to do is stay sober and believe in the universe and god guiding my feet

After healing old wounds, I started working on finding my true self. What helped me in finding my true self was finding what I wasn’t.

I was born without any knowledge, or awareness of my own self. Right away I became aware of my false self. It has to be this way because my eyes open outward, so does the body senses. Ears listening to others, tongue tasting outside foods. First drinking breast milk from my mother. All these senses open outward, learning from what others “tell me” or “show me” about myself.

Birth means coming into this world. My mother is the first thing I came into contact with than I became aware of my own body. My body becomes part of the outside world. My body getting hungry for outside food. I become dependent on surviving from what is given to me from the outside.

Once I am done eating and fulfilled from the outside than I look down, becoming aware of toes. My mother pulls on my toes and calling them toes, so I am learning early on who I am and what I am from others.

A small ego is created , at that point I am looking to my parents on finding out who I am. A false awareness is reflected by how others think of me and feel of me. I am too fresh, too green and not aware of who I am. My bones are still forming and can be broken easily, just like my mind, heart and soul.

The ego is born, through love and care, if I felt good and valuable, if I had some significance. Most of my life I knew what others thought me but not really who I was. “Living a life as a reflection of what others think” . My early memories I felt unappreciated so my ego was born ill, sad, and worthless.

My parents built the foundation of my being and ego, others joined them in later years. My world grew as it did my ego became more developed.

If I grew up living in the jungle isolated, I may not have an ego but would grow up like an animal even than I would never know true self.

As a child I tried to make my parents proud and happy but they were addicts showing me rejection. I started seeking validation in others taking that into adulthood. Trying to please everyone in sight. As a child I acted out and tried hard to achieve attention that I lacked.

I was born with two cores completely unaware that one core is true self and the second core is created through life called ego. Others early on shaped my ego core. This core is false, because nobody can shape the real core or true self.

My Ego core is shaken when I do not receive what it needs, validation, respect, admiration, likes on Facebook. If I did great in school I was rewarded with a toy that toy became an extension of myself and when I lost that toy I cried and felt I lost part of myself.

The more the ego receives the more the ego wants. The bigger the ego core gets. Early on we are taught subconsciously that the outside is an extension of who we are but that is false. Trying to fit into society, feeling inadequate or ugly if I gained a few pounds. My ego was growing bigger and bolder by society.

Finding true self can be known only through false self. The ego is a passageway to my true self. The real can be known only through life illusions.

My core was a mirror of the world opinions of myself throughout life. The moment I started separating false self was day one sober, I didn’t know it at the time but I knew drinking was no longer part of me. I wanted to change and knew if I wanted to find a better life or a whole me I would have to put down the bottle.

First I have to know what are not my true self, my home, other opinions, and my past addiction. When I can see the false than I can see and understand my truth. My ego is always in search to become bigger, wanting to survive. Somebody should appreciate it.

My ego core is designed to control me, pull me away from my true self. I have to behave in a certain way, because only then society appreciates me. I have to walk a certain way; laugh not so loud, follow a certain code of manners, a morality. If society doesn’t appreciate me than my ego core will be shaken and when my ego core is shaken, I don’t know where I am going or who I am.

I have to get rid of all parts of the ego to attain my True core.

There comes a period when the ego core shatters. When I know nothing of who I am, or where to go. All the boundaries start to melt away. A feeling comes over of not caring what others think me. I start doing stuff that I naturally enjoy doing. I’m somewhat confused, feeling empty inside and chaos seems to be around. This will cause fear because my ego was the source I look to, to guide me in life. I had to pass through the chaos before I found my true-self core.

Once I became sober I was able to take the ego core apart little by little by understanding that is the cause of all my misery and false. Everything started to settle. I started to just exist; everything suddenly became beautiful but a different kind of beauty. This beauty is louder and easy to see, it’s in everything.

Whenever I was feeling suffering or great sadness or anger, I had to watch and analyze, somewhere in that misery I will find the ego. The ego goes on finding reasons to feel those things. This ego comes continuously in conflict with others because every ego is not confident about itself. Is has to be, it is a false thing.

For Example if I had my hand closed with nothing in it but I started believing there was something in it, a problem is born. I would fight with others who . made me aware that I am carrying nothing. Anyone calling me something that I don’t identify with is like hammering a nail in a wound. The ego is false.

A person who finds their core of true self is never in fights with others, others may come and fight but a person who is their true self will never fight back with anyone. You may hit, argue or try and fight with an enlightened man, but that is your problem, not his. And if you are hurt in that clash, that too is your own problem. He cannot hurt you.

The ego lives for attention, any attention even if somebody is fighting and angry with you, even if somebody loves you or not loving you. The Ego has attention. If nobody is paying any attention, nobody thinks that you are somebody important, significant, then the ego will come out.

Others attention is needed with an ego. There are a million ways I can attract attention from others. In the past I would dress a certain way trying to look beautiful, get skinny or behave in certain way. Become very polite, or depending on the situation changing so others immediately notice the change so others pay attention.

If I lost everything that surrounded me, if the whole world suddenly disappeared, or if the outside world is in chaos, it won’t make any difference because my true-self core is always still.

If my husband leaves me for somebody else. My ego core will be completely shattered because he is paying attention to some one that is not I. He is now caring and loving someone that is not I. He is no longer helping my ego core feel that I am somebody important. When I lost my ex of three years I felt as if my whole empire was lost. On top of Dealing with an addiction I started thinking about suicide. I can reflect back on why because I had no center of my own. Vince was my center; he was giving me a center.

This is how people exist. This is how people become dependent on others. It is a deep slavery. Ego has to be a slave. It depends on others. Only a person who has no ego is for the first time a master; he is no longer a slave.

I have to look for the ego not in others, that is none of my business, but in myself. Whenever I feel miserable, immediately I’ll close my eyes trying to find where the misery is coming. I will always find it’s the false ego core that has clashed with someone. I expected something and it didn’t happen or I expected something and the opposite happened. Whenever I am miserable, I have to find out why.

What causes misery isn’t outside us. It’s within us but we are program to always look outside. Asking ourselves

Who is making me miserable?
Who is the cause of my anger?
Who is the cause of my anguish?
And if we keep looking outside we will miss what it is that is causing misery.

Just close the eyes and look within. The source of all misery, anger, anguish, is hidden in you and I. The ego.

If I find the source, it will be easy to move beyond it. If I can’t see it’s my ego that gives me trouble, I will prefer to drop it because nobody can carry the source of misery if they understand it.

There is no need to delete the ego. I cannot delete it. If I try to delete it, I will attain to a certain clever ego again which says, “I have become humble.” I can’t try to be humble. That again is the ego hiding but it’s not dead. Nobody can try humility, and nobody can create humility through any effort of their own. When the ego is no more a humbleness just comes. It is not a creation. It’s more of a shadow of the real center.

A really humble man is neither humble nor egoistic. He is simply “simple.” He’s not even aware that he is humble. If you are aware that you are humble, the ego is there. Look at humble a person. There are millions who think that they are very humble. They bow down very low, but watch them they have the cleverest ego. Now humility is their source of food. They say, “I am humble,” and then they look at you and they wait for you to appreciate them.

“You are really humble,” they would like you to say. ” In fact, you are the most humble man in the world; nobody is as humble as you are.” Then see the smile that comes on their faces.

What is ego? Ego is a hierarchy that says, “No one is like me.” It can feed on humbleness – “Nobody is like me, I am the most humble man.”

This is how the ego goes. It is so cunning. We have to be very alert, only then we will be able to see it. Don’t try to be humble. Just try to see that all misery, all anguish comes through it.

No need to delete the ego. We cannot take it away or delete the ego. If we try to delete the ego than the person trying to delete the ego is the ego. It always comes back.

Stand outside the ego and watch it work, try to understand it. Nothing I do like becoming more humble, getting humility, or become simple nothing will help. Only one thing is possible, and that is just to watch and see that it is the source of all misery. Don’t say it. Don’t repeat it – WATCH. Because if I say it is the source of all misery and you repeat it, then it is useless. YOU have to come to that understanding. Whenever you are miserable, just close the eyes and don’t try to find some cause outside. Try to see from where this misery is coming.

If you continuously feel and understand that the ego is the cause of misery than the understanding becomes so deep-rooted, one day you will suddenly see that it has disappeared. Nobody deletes it – nobody can delete it. You simply see it has simply disappeared, because the very understanding that ego causes all misery becomes the deleting. The very understanding is the disappearance of the ego.

The whole path towards divine, has to pass through the ego core. The false has to be understood as false. The source of misery has to be understood as the source of misery – then it simply deletes.

When you know it is poison, it deletes. When you know it is fire, it deletes. When you know this is hell, it deletes. Then you simply laugh at the joke that you were the creator of all misery.

A child building a sand castle while he sits in the middle, laboring away as the walls go up. A moment will come when he is enclosed; all around he has made a wall. Then he cries, “Help, help!” He has done the whole thing! Now he is enclosed, imprisoned.

This is childish, but this is what I have done in my life. I made a painful house all around myself and cried, “Help, help!” The misery becomes stronger because there are helpers who are also in the same boat. It is difficult to see one’s own ego. It is very easy to see others ego but that is not the point, I cannot help others see their ego, each ego is different. I Just watch it my own ego.

I can’t be in a hurry to delete it, I have to just watch it. The more I watch, the more capable I will become. Suddenly one day, I simply see that it was deleted and when it deletes by itself, only then it is gone. There is no other way. Prematurely I cannot delete it. It will drop like a dead leaf.

The tree is not doing anything – just a breeze, a situation, and the dead leaf simply drops. The tree is not even aware that the dead leaf has dropped. It makes no noise, it makes no claim – nothing. The dead leaf simply drifts and lands on the ground, just like that.

When you are mature through understanding, awareness, and you have felt totally that ego is the cause of all your misery simply one day you see the dead leaf dropping. It settles on the ground, dies off on it’s own accord. You have not done anything so you cannot claim that you have deleted it.

You notice it has simply disappeared. That is when True Self arises and that real center is the soul, the self, the god, the truth, or whatever you want to call it. It is nameless so all names are good. You can give it any name of your own liking. Sober is the New Black

Stay Connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

I Recently did an interview with After party Magazine. Here it is, hope it help’s inspire others to get sober or stay sober.

Hello Friends today is 18 months sober, some time has past since my last blog post. In that time a lot of changes, growth, vacations and challenges have surfaced in my life, some amazing and some fearful. One thing remained the same. The want to stay clean and sober. Sobriety is the foundation to grow endless possibility. On November 11 2015 I turned thirty. I celebrated with family and loved ones. My twenties were filled with many beautiful lessons I will take into my thirty’s. In my thirties I will work towards a more balanced lifestyle in all aspect of my life, taking actions in facing my fears, working towards whatever my head can dream. Taking what I’ve learned in my twenties applying them in my thirties. I never thought I would make it to my thirties, but I now know its because of the higher power or ultimate creator, I will no longer take for granted this beautiful gift called life. Looking out the window knowing God created air for our lungs and our five senses to experience the beauty in life.

Everyday we experience something we will never experience again, you just have search and be open. Today I was driving and looked out a bumble in a window and at that moment a light shine through creating a beautiful pattern of colors, the minute I drove off it went away. Life is beautiful and moves quickly, slowing down allows our eyes to see the beauty in everything. Be inspired by the light shining in a cracked window to the dust floating in the light.

One of my fears growing up has been a fear of flying so for my thirtieth Birthday I wanted to overcome this fear. For the first time I took my first plane ride. It felt incredible pushing past my fear. I even looked out the window as we landed bringing me to tears. The city lights glowing like a million stars in a galaxy.

A while back I started finding the things I identify myself with. The “My’s” of life. When I say, “This is my home”, who is the one saying my home? That is “I” or the soul. The “my” and “I” should always be separated like two parallel lines that should never become one. They can work together throughout life but separating these two helps me find true self.

So I made a list of all the “my” in life.

My home and all the things in my home, my friends, and my family are all on the “My’” line. I can no longer identified myself with the “MY” of life. I am not my home or the stuff that surrounds me everyday. So I started to dive deeper in separating the “my” and the “I”. My past, my addiction, my situations, my current circumstances, and my experience’s are not “I”. They are here to teach me who “I” is but they don’t define me.

I don’t say I am past, I am ego, I am experience I say my past, my ego, my experience. The “I” is a soul having a human experience with the “MY”.

True Self is the ‘I” and is precisely what I am. Whatever remains after the separation of the “MY” is true Self. ‘I’ is the Real me. I am totally separate from everything that is mine. If I lost my home, a family member or friend, the “I” or true self remains whole.

I am put on this earth to find true self and experience life with the human body. Striping myself from the “My” and “false self” becoming one with the “I” and soul.

Diving deeper, am I my emotions or feelings? I am not my emotions or feelings. Emotions are a beautiful thing that the body brings the soul to experience this thing called life but the soul or “I” controls the emotions and embrace’s them for exactly what they are. Emotions are passing and will go away and the “I” or the soul is still left.

The I and soul are born pure and innocent, my natural state is joy and happiness

In my early stages of sobriety when I started striping away my false self. A fear of society came over me but I had to accept myself whole. What I like about myself, what I disliked about myself, everything in between. I had to be my own greatest fan and best friend. I also had to accept others for who they are without my own expectations or ego. My Relationships have improved with loved ones, friends and family. People who I lost due to my past addiction are coming back into my life. I no longer focus energy on what others think of me and focus my energy where it really counts: achieving my own personal growth and achieving dreams.

I am also becoming aware of my strengths and weakness. Building on my strengths, recognize my weakness and building that gap between the two. I believe connecting with my feelings and writing is strength but grammar can be a weakness so I work extra hours, or will eventually take creative writing class or hire an editor. Being aware of my weakness is a great gift to myself.

I wore labels on my skin my whole life. I thought I was the label like an abused child, a drug addict and alcoholic, or my political stance, a writer, a friend. If I took away any of those labels do I become any less? No I don’t. If I lose my fingers and can no longer write. I am still whole inside. The “I” is still intact. I was in 3-year relationship that consumed my whole being. When we split up, I felt lost because I allowed my identity to become defined by “My” relationship. Those labels aren’t who I am. If I was a husband and got a divorced, I am no longer qualified as a husband and if I defined myself on that one label I would be lost when it gets taken away. The more labels I put on myself the more I bury my true self.

I use to thrive on the labels, a collection of pain. While in sobriety I came to find I am greater than any label. The labels and the “my” were ingrained in me by my past and parents. My mother is a catholic and so I grew up thinking I was going to be a catholic but as I got older I did not connect with those beliefs. Our parents have a huge part in burying our true self from what we are taught at an early age.

Letting go of the Ego is hard but is done in small sections like the tree in my stepmother yard. We can’t just lift it out of the ground and throw it away but instead we’ve been cutting off pieces at a time. The same approach is with letting go of the false beliefs that make up my ego. Detaching myself from individual thoughts that reinforce my ego. Letting go of beliefs, separating True self from false identity. I have spent years building my ego living inside my mind, and reinforcing it through my thoughts, feelings and actions. It will take a while to learn just like any subject in school or riding a bike for the first time.

Important things to learn or worth doing takes time and practice.

I work six months out the year and have six months off, the work season has slowed down, so I can spend more time writing, blogging and working on the second draft of my book. I have some vacations in the works going back to my hometown of Palm Springs ca. Hope you all have a great Sober Thanksgivng. Sober is the new Black

SIA music is poetry that comes alive, bringing me inspiration. Bird Set Free is incredible.

Hello Friends today is 500 days of sober. This past month has been amazing, the longer I am sober the clearer life gets in making right decision even small decisions. I am finding my true self more and more everyday. Things I enjoy doing and things I don’t enjoy doing are being easy to spot. Having an addiction to Alcohol is different than any other substance because it’s legal; it’s at every dinner table, on signs and billboards. I cannot hide from alcohol, I just have to see past the alcohol. It’s at every family event. It is deemed acceptable from society. Alcohol is publicized in film, TV, music, artistry, and celebrities as something cool, fun and freeing without repercussions.

Young kids see this and the want starts. Kids hear, “I need a drink” after a hard day of work. “Lets celebrate with alcohol” or today was a shitty day so “lets party”. Escaping through substance instead of finding a healthy positive way to spend their time. I started drinking at fifteen but it turned into a disorder in my twenties. There are many outlets that can help escape from the moment like creating art, writing or reading a book. Trying to master a hobby or skill. Putting all the dark feelings or pain inside us, into an art, turning them into gold. Find happiness in partying sober. Society needs to stop pushing the substance abuse agenda through the media. Alcohol is not fun or cool or freeing. It’s caging the youth from reaching their full potential, their talent, and their strength to deal with life adversity. Alcohol kills millions of people a year.

When I first got sober, I did not have balance in my life because I was focused and obsessed with my recovery program. Excluding everything else, stuff vanished because of my addiction like friends, my last relationship, and my drinking. Freeing up most of my time so all I did was work my program. I guess, early recovery isn’t so much about balance as much as it is maintaining sobriety. Now Balance is the most important action in my life. Balance is something I had to learn, when I was an active if I liked something whether in food or in shoes or drinking, I did it until I was sick or broke. Chasing outside happiness to fill the deep emptiness inside. Keeping balance in every aspect of my life, like work, writing, working out, healing, prayer and meditation. If I feel like I am getting burnt out than I change it up.

Balanced lifestyle helps lessen obsession, which will lead to unhappiness as it did with my obsession with alcohol. Striving for balance gives my life mixture keeping life interesting. Balance helps protect me from relapse. The ability to respond with strength to instant gratifications. Doing different stuff keeps me open to new concepts, so I’m always learning.

Reducing my everyday stress by building up my body and mind in some down time or a power nap. Creating discipline is something I’m currently working on at the moment, I have to learn how to walk out of a store with one pair of shoes and not six pairs.

Pushing myself for personal growth can become an obsession as well so I have to take it easy some days and enjoy this new person that is here now in this moment. Slowing myself down helps keep my life in perspective. It’s not all about personal growth and achievement, all the time. Slowing down will allow me to reflect and enjoy the progress I have made.

Discipline is the foundation for a balanced Life. Taking inventory on what needs to be worked on is something that needs to be done often or even daily. Maintaining awareness about myself takes discipline. Not everything I’m trying to achieve in personal growth is going to be fun. Some will be painful and cause tears. There will be some scary stuff on the path to personal growth. Pushing past fears like facing my parents help creates discipline.

Getting positive results from forgiving my parents is a sign of personal growth. Pushing myself to make small goals and achieve them in different areas of my life like eating better, going on a daily walk, or becoming more skilled in a talent. I am building the discipline that is necessary to work towards long-term growth in recovery, life and in dreams. The pursuit of a balanced lifestyle will help me grow in many new directions. Seeking balance in life and working towards all around growth will maintain success in my recovery as I evolve in different paths of my life.

Quitting an addiction is a source of strength and motivation for other areas of my life. The first months of recovery I thought things like “My liver will be better”, “I’m going be so much healthier”. That turned out to be an understatement.

Now my thoughts are “I am powerful beyond anything” I realized, I could set goals and achieve them. If I can over come addiction, imagine what else can be accomplish, if I take what I do in my program and use it in a talent or skill. I can use that powerful focus to accomplish nearly any goal that I choose. Getting sober awakened a fire within me. It gave me the positive inspiration that I needed to tackle some monumental challenges like writing my first novel that will be out in 2016. Sober is the New Black.

Hello friends today is day 470 sober, I’m in Palm Springs, CA my hometown. I had two months off of work but decided to take a trip back home before I get back in the studio for our new work season.

To want, or not to want was the theme song of my life. Most of my life I did not want what I had, like my body, debt, poor paying job and wanted things I did not have like the perfect lover, that dream job or lifestyle. I always felt discontent or that a part of me was missing.

I wanted my life to change, my circumstances, and the people in my life without making any effort or going out of my comfort zone. I wanted to have the same behavior and thoughts yet different results, a form of insanity. Contradictions caused suffering because I wanted change but change brought upon fear and doubt. So I stayed the same, and decided to live in discontent.

Change, Success or dreams and goals start with a step towards them. The belief that I am capable but that is just a fraction of what makes change happen. Success is preceded by hours and hours of practice. Spending a lot of time working on the talent, skill or what we want to change. In the beginning, my writing wasn’t good. I look back on my journals and was puzzled on why I believed I was capable of becoming a publish author. Yes I did well in English and loved literacy but my grammar and technique were bad.

The want to become a writer grew so I started spending six too ten hours a day writing. At first the vision in my head did not match what was on paper but by volume of work, hours of practice and working on the skill, it started to come together. Change takes work and practice. Practice in a sequence of steps. Trying time after time to master the craft. Trying to find my voice and when failed efforts arise, analyzing what went wrong so I could work on those failed attempts. I pay more attention in detail to what I am writing. It gets richer, vivid, clearer, and impossible not to come close to perfection or the vision in my head.

The reason I thought change was hard is because I wanted instant change. I never given enough discipline, focus and attention to what I wanted to change or understood why I thought and behaved as I did.

My weight throughout life goes up and down. I tried diet after diet, I would eat less and work out. At times, I would even force myself to skip a meal. I did not see the unhealthy relationship between food and I. My mind saw food as something bad or pleasure seeking, I would eat tons than feel guilty than starve myself. Till this day I still have Food issues. I have to change the way I see the food, as a source nutrients and energy. With getting healthy or any goal I have to pay close attention or the old behaviors will creep back in.

We all live in an environment, which is shaped by our behavior. The behavior is shaped by our capabilities, which are created by our beliefs, and values, which make up our identity. Everything that I do, the circumstance and situations that I put myself in is a reflection of who I think I am, my identity.

If I’m unhappy I can change my surroundings but I wont be happy until I understand the deeper root that caused the unhappiness. If I don’t then I will become unhappy in the new environment. Even in the new environment I’ll keep doing the same behaviors that would cause my unhappiness becoming patterns throughout life turning them into cycles.

Cycles of unhappiness throughout my twenties were very common, feeling stuck, Useless and an active addict. Real, meaningful change only happens when something changes in the way I see myself or think of myself. Change doesn’t always have to be slow, painful and tedious. When I hit my rock bottom it happened instantly. For example a parent who finds out she is pregnant so she stops smoking that minute

The type change that happened when I decided to stop drinking was emotionally powerful, it quickly brought me a clear vision on who my true self is and who my true self was not. It sharply put me eyes, mind, heart, soul in focus on finding out more about my true self. That thought of drinking was no longer the main want and the search for true self was the main want.

Most times than not the change I wanted wasn’t the type that shook me to the core. I couldn’t find that deeper understanding of why I became that person I no longer wanted to be. We all do small things that we would like to change like being more tolerant, or happier, or saying no more often but these are just the tip of the ice bergs. The rest is hidden underneath, they are bigger issues the eye’s can’t see.

Being aware of wanting to change is just the first step than taking the time to go really deep inside. Finding the behaviors and purpose of why we acted in the way we did and where it started. Deeper than we’ve ever gone before, the deeper we go the more we find. Through mediation, self-reflection or prayer, or just asking one self. If we don’t than it’s like pulling out a weed without getting the root, it will grow back, and in my addiction case it might even kill me.

A lasting change is when a person identity changes. Everyone can spot what needs to be changed in his or her life. It’s harder to understand how and which beliefs and sense of identity needs to change. Many of us are self-aware and smart it’s just the way we see the world is often skewed.

If we are looking to help others, inspire others, and change others we have to first understand the beliefs of the people we are pursuing to change. Understanding and respecting how they see themselves and how they want to see themselves change. By helping them become their true self, it will be easier to effect change that they want rather than forcing them to do so, or with ego.

My behavior is an extension of the way I think of myself. To make a lasting and comfortable change I need to respect and acknowledge my identity before evolving. Once I start to change the behavior my surroundings will change. When introduced to new normal or way of living, the mind tends to seek out ways it will fail. The mind is are greatest ally and sometimes the greatest enemy, I just have to be aware which one is coming out in that moment. Changing to a new normal isn’t about being a right normal or wrong normal , good normal or bad normal. It’s more about if it works better for my life in the present moment. After losing a child you have to create a new normal, a normal that no parent should feel.

If it works better in my life, I’ll use it. If not, I don’t waste time and energy judging it, because it may be useful in later years. A new normal is determined by behavioral changes. Often times we will fail and if we succeeded, there can be negative side effects, like losing some one we hold dear. The solution is to change our mental molds, which will change the way we see the world and ourselves in the world. Than change will rise organically out of us.

There is a mental voice or internal dialog that goes on in our heads at all times. An endless stream of thoughts from the moment we wake to the moment we go to sleep. The voice has been apart of our lives for so long. It sounds like us, knows what to say in every situation, that voice even has the same tone as our outer voice. That mental voice is what we use to create our lives. The mental Voice unknowingly builds our reality. Recognizing that the voice in our head is not us. Our mental voice often works against us and is highly dysfunctional. This is the voice that talks down to us, challenges our self-esteem and is the source that limits our infinite potential.

Our belief of how the world works is created by the mental voice. we have a belief on how to find love. Our beliefs isn’t who we are, it’s our perception of how the world works, built in our mind.

Once our beliefs become concrete in our mind than the universe gives evidence that this is in fact the way it is.

A habit of living in a self Centered Universe is very common. We interpret every situation in “What impact does it have on me? or why me”Ifwe spend most of our time in a self centered Universe, it will bring more frustrations, pain, and suffering. The shift beginnings when knowing we are the captains of our perception. We can create a new normal without limits. If there something right now that concerns you, it was created by you. Acknowledging and understand this reality, every detail. Now find a new normal, one that works better than the present. Believe in that new normal. Start living those changes. Sometimes at first the evidence will say: it’s not working. Just remember your mind is not you. In time it will start working and celebrate that. Sober Is the new black

In my top ten songs of all time, this song is high on that list from Sam Cooke ” A change gonna come”