Tomorrow I will be flying over to the US, however, I won’t be there on holiday or to enjoy myself. I am going because my mother passed away last week and I will be going over for the memorial service and to help support my sister in settling her affairs. Her instructions in her will very very explicit as to how she wants things handled and that’s a good thing. The most important thing is that she asked to be cremated and her ashes spread into the ocean in Ocean City, New Jersey. That will happen.

I know with my Asperger’s type mind that if I don’t keep busy while I’m there, it will affect me greatly. First, I’d like to thank my supply teaching agency and Callowell Primary School for their understanding and keeping me busy so I wouldn’t think about it. Trust me, if I spend too much time thinking about, it might result in depression and I don’t want that. Furthermore, there is lots to be done when I get to the States. My mother’s house will need to be thoroughly cleaned and devoid of cigarette smoke, she was a heavy smoker. Also, my sister will need my assistance in other areas and I am prepared to do that.

My mother was a big animal lover and has asked that instead of flowers, donations to be made to her named animal charities:

What is worse from my side is that fact that my wife and I have both lost our mothers within two and a half months of each other. This has been a hammer blow for both of us but we both thank all of those who have been a support.

When my mother in law died, I shared lyrics from a song by a band called Tyketto. I think now that I should share the song itself compliments of Youtube. The song is performed solo by the lead singer, Danny Vaughn, the most underrated voice in music.

Last week, I posted about how a mother in Virginia was facing criminal charges because she put a recording device into her daughter’s back pack to see whether or not she was getting bullied. Yesterday, the charges against this mother have been dropped. FFI click on the link:

Today’s post is inspired by a comment made on my previous post when I talked about bullying as portrayed on television. David Prosser, I hope he doesn’t mind me naming him here, pointed out that parents teach their children how not to be victims of bullying but not how not to be bullies. David’s words of wisdom were spot on! Plus, it gave me food for thought about parents and bullying.

Absolutely true that parents teach their children not to be victims but not how not to be bullies. However, from my experiences, some of which I highlight in my book, “He Was Weird,” parents seem to like the fact that their children are bullies. They seem to wear this fact as some sort of sick badge of honour. Some even go as far to think that their offspring being bullies is a good reflection of their parenting skills. Their justification is that they have taught their children how to stand up for themselves, wrong!

There is a major difference in standing up for oneself and being a bully. The two certainly don’t go hand in hand. Some of the best people I know who know how to handle themselves can do so without being a bully and more importantly, using their words instead of their fists. This is what parents should be teaching their children, not teaching or encouraging them to be bullies.

I have seen many instances when the parents of bullying victims have tried to address a bullying issue with the parents of the bully and the bully’s parents either dismissive or even patronizing over it. One famous response a bully’s parents has used is “You should teach your child how to fist fight.” So does mean if the victim, next time they’re bullied, picks up a baseball bat or even a gun and seriously harms or kills their bully, the bully’s parents will think that’s all right? I don’t think so. What needs to happen is for the bully’s parents to take a stand in encouraging their child in not being a bully. Linking it to that “Criminal Minds” episode, I believe that those murdered parents and the murdered teen would still be alive if the parents had taken a pro-active stance in teaching their child it is wrong to be a bully.

I have experienced this. In one of my worst instances of being bullied, my mother had the parents of both tormentors into school. One of the parents was reasonable about it but the other, a successful lawyer, was very dismissive about the entire affair. As far as he was concerned, his son could do no wrong and I was to blame for what happened to me. Yep, that bully’s parents also used the age old tactic of blaming the victim. What is needed here is more education, both to adults and children. It needs to be drummed home that all bullying is wrong and it’s not a status symbol if your child is a bully.

It’s been a roller coaster fortnight for me. Last week I had all the heavy metal thrills of going to the Download Festival, this week my wife and I have received news that her mother has been sectioned by social services for 28 days. Naturally, this has had a devastating effect on my wife and I’m doing my best to support her. However, it hasn’t left me time to write and at the weekend, we’ll be heading North to Grimsby to see my mother in law. Thank you all for your patience and hopefully, things will return to normal next week.

Anytime I learn of a bullying injustice, I always highlight it here on Peaceful Rampage and add my two pennies worth to the story. Those who have followed me for a while are probably aware of this. Well, it saddens me to say, but it has happened again. This time it happened in the world of American Football. A youth team coach got his team together and told them bullying would not be tolerated on the team. After his talk, it was pointed out to him that one of his players was still bullying. In true football fashion, the coach made the player concerned run extra laps, a common sanction in football where players are sometimes made to do extra running when they drop a pass, miss a blocking assignment or a tackle and so on. I know, I did my fair share of running when I played. After the bullying player, finished running his laps, the coach congratulated him for doing so without complaining, another coaching technique in the sport.

One would think that that would have been the end of it, right? No, the coach, who was a volunteer, was told by the team’s governing body that he was fired as coach over the incident. One member of the board asked him what qualifications he had to handle such a thing like bullying. The coach responded, “I’m a parent.” As a result, the team is now without a coach and now the coach along with several other parents, have pulled their own children off the team. For the full story, click the link below:

Is this another victory for the bullies? I would say yes and am backed up by the fact that a mother of one of the other boys pulled her son off the team, citing that the governing body is saying that bullying is okay. It also nullifies everything the coach told the team about bullying not being tolerated because now, you can and if any of the coaches step in to end it, they themselves will be dismissed.

While I don’t mention it much in “He Was Weird,” I did experience some bullying when I played football in the town where the story is based. The worse case was when two teammates ripped my personal jersey and basically got away with it because the one boy was the son of the varsity coach. However, like Mark in the story, the worst bullying came when I quit the varsity team a year later. In the eyes of many adults, I had brought it on myself because I quit the team. Really, do you think I did?

I have said from day one, that bullying is something that should never be tolerated. True, it will never be eradicated but then it never will be if those who try to take steps against bullying are the ones who are punished for it.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1476096400&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

Normally, I don’t agree with most of the things printed in the British newspaper, “The Sun.” However, last week there was an article in it that not only caught my attention but made me quite angry. The article was about a man who confronted a ten year old boy who had been bullying his son and daughter. The bullying was so bad, that the son needed hospital attention for his broken wrist and the daughter came home nearly every day in tears as a result.

The son in hospital with his broken arm as a result of bullying.

Doing what the vast majority of parents would do, the father went in to the school to address the bullying his children were suffering. Unfortunately, this attempt and a number of furhter attempts did nothing to effect the bullying. One day, he saw his children’s bully and confronted him. According to reports, the father put his face right in the face of the ten year old boy and yelled at him, threatening the boy if he didn’t stop bullying his kids.

The parents of the boy called the police and the father was duly arrested and charged. Funny thing is that when the father approached the police over his children’s bullying, they said they couldn’t do anything as it was a ‘school matter.’ Anyway, to make a long story short, the father had to plead guilty for using threatening language and was fined £120, plus £85 court costs and another £20 victim surcharge. To add insult to injury, the father now faces losing his career as a midwife because he now has a criminal record. What this leaves me to conclude that this is yet another victory for the bullies!

Sure, the father probably went too far in addressing this matter but he was only trying to protect his children. I also think the magistrate was more than a little condescending when he told the father:

‘It is ironic that you were complaining about bullying when your own behaviour was clearly bullying.

My belief and I don’t think I’m alone here is that had the school and police done something about the bullying in the first place, instead of declaring it to be the other body’s problem, then the father wouldn’t have needed to resort to this action. Furthermore, from what I know, seen an experienced, this bully now thinks he’s untouchable and will only go on to make other children’s lives hell.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1468934259&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

While “He Was Weird” was set in modern times, the experiences which influenced me to write the story happened when I was growing up in the 1970s. The attitude towards bullying back then was basically to ignore it and carry on with the age on philosophy of blaming the victim. Parents, teachers and other officials were very reluctant and even unwilling to intervene in bullying and I think the best example to explain why is to use the film set in that time period, “Dazed and Confused.

Getting the freshmen, a scene from “Dazed and Confused.”

The film is set in 1976 in Austin, Texas and the entire film takes place on the last day of school. In the early scenes of the movie, some of the students who will become seniors in the following September go out looking to haze students who will become freshmen then. Gangs of seniors find freshmen either alone or in very small groups and hold them down while each senior takes a turn hitting the freshman with a paddle. Now one would think that someone would step in and stop this practice, well they didn’t. The excuse used by many parents in the film, especially fathers, was that if they went to school authorities and stopped their son getting beaten with a paddle, the seniors would retaliate by doing worse things to that person and probably for a lot longer. The belief was to let the kid take a few whacks and get it over with, besides, it didn’t hurt that much. Of course, there was no consideration for how the victim might feel about it.

School officials were pretty much of the same philosophy. That worse things might happen to the victim if they intervened. After all, it was only a bit of harmless fun. Furthermore, as it happened after the last day of school, the school could easily play the ‘they’re not responsible’ card and get away with it. As for the police, even though this was a clear case of assault, they probably wouldn’t get involved unless it was the parents of some rich kid making a stink. In any case, the bury your head in the sand and ignore it approach was a clear victory for the bullies in the film and the 1970s. I don’t know if it still goes on anywhere today but Family Guy did base an episode on the film where Chris is beaten with paddles because he is a freshman.

Family Guy: Chris becomes a freshman

I never got beaten with a paddle when I was a freshman, most of the bullying I had suffered was in junior high school and pretty much behind me. Although those experiences did keep my anxiety levels very high throughout high school. However, the attitudes by many of the adults were the same. Most, especially teachers, chose to bury their head in the sand while I was getting bullied and some even blamed me for being the victim. Schools and unfortunately my family at times, held the belief that if they intervened too much, worse things would happen to me. Therefore, most of the bullying went unpunished and that eventually led to it being unreported because I knew that if I did, nothing much would come of it. The 70s attitude toward bullying let me down immensely.

The scary thing was that those who have read “He Was Weird” and fed back to me on it, would not have known that the experiences drawn on to write it happened four decades earlier. The bullying was pretty much the same, except the cyber bullying that occurs in the story. I had no internet access back then. Another scary bit was from a scene in the book where Mark is bullied at the local shop. He looks to the store manager for help but the manager responds by saying, “You know you’re going to get picked on so why bother coming in here.” That was the classic 70s attitude but readers have accepted it as if it had happened in modern times. So, bullying hasn’t changed. It still goes on but what has changed is the way it’s viewed by adults and more are willing to step in and deal with it. However, there is still a long way to go.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1452542391&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird