Am I Too Hungry, Too Angry, Too Lonely or Too Tired?

Not hungry for food — I usually get all I want to eat and more. Hungry for rest, yes. I don’t even realize a lot of the time, how many little energy suckers I allow. Some of them aren’t going away, so my next step is to figure out why the energy gets sucked, and what I can do.

Spent hours in a courtroom again today, and while it is somewhat irritating to be there, i think there are other factors related to that activity that bring about a rise of anger. Maybe I don’t want to have to learn the lessons put before me regularly. Maybe I really, really hate drugs and what they do to so many people and the absolute havoc they wreak in the lives of addicts and their loved ones. Maybe I am covering up some fear with anger.

Too tired is pretty likely. I’m learning — slowly — to slow down. But certain situations make it very difficult to slow down lest someone get hurt. I speak of course of having a large puppy and a small boy. I’d better be vigilant because a zealous puppy can play too hard and scratch a little boy before you know it. And when I forget to be vigilant and the scratch happens and the little boy has tears running down his face, my too tired turns into too tired and too angry.

Too lonely means I long for connection. Since I also long for solitude and rest, it can be tricky to find both.

And dang it all if I didn’t think I had found a win-win solution to a need, and then discovered today that it’s not going to work after all.

And double dang it all if I didn’t recognize today that what I hoped was going to be a fleeting glimpse at the court system is turning into something where I have much more familiarity than I want to have.

But, as always, there are many silver linings in the clouds of this day. I said no to something I definitely should have said no to. Something it was actually very hard to say no to. I took baby steps toward surrendering some things that are definitely out of my control. Some things it is very hard to surrender. And I finished my simpleology white belt training (20 days of practice), which is a small but meaningful accomplishment.

So, all is not lost. It was just a day when I felt less patient than I normally do. I think it is good to have days like this now and then. I am glad I have blogging as an outlet for days like today.

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