Eighteen months ago, my partner lied to me about where he was attending a business trip to avoid confrontation because surprise surprise the business trip is located in the same place his ex-girlfriend lives, Portsmouth.

He met her ten years ago while working away at the same business he lied to me about attending. We’ve been together six years, and he’s had a relationship with another girl in between.

When I met him, he had got back into contact with her, and I told him I didn’t feel comfortable with this, and he claimed to have cut all communication. Since we met, she continually loiters around in the background like a bad smell, and she and his mother still have a relationship in which they meet up. She’s also been to visit unbeknown to me something I found out later.

I found out he had lied to me about this business trip (18 months ago) because he slipped up. I already had my suspicions, so I took mental notes and called him out on his lie. He admitted he lied to me about the location of the trip because he knew I would “give him hell about it” because his ex is from there.

Firstly we were going through a rough patch. I have PTSD and had a mental breakdown, which resulted in the collapse of our relationship. But I wouldn’t have given him hell, he has a career to fulfill, and the chances of him bumping into her were very small. No, I wouldn’t have been happy about it, but what could I have done?

The lies about the location of the business trip hurt me like hell. I still to this day can’t understand why he wouldn’t be honest about it. Unless that is, he has something to hide?

He came home from work the other day to tell me he will have to revisit this business early December this year for a business meeting. He’s thus so far been able to avoid these trips due to the customer traveling to him for the meetings. This is something he arranged months ago, so he would have to keep traveling up and down the country and causing unnecessary ill-feeling.

This has led me to the conclusion that I can’t trust him, I thought I could, but I can’t. I thought I’d be able to regain the trust back 18 months on, but the announcement of an upcoming trip had filled me with doubt, worry, anxiety, and great sadness.

The other issue I’ve got is I’m 26 weeks pregnant with our first child. (we were told we couldn’t have children and then had the massive shock of pregnancy) The predicament I’m in is if I keep my mouth shut and not say anything (which will lead to an argument if I do address my feelings, because in his eyes I need to get over it) sitting at home for 2 days alone (I don’t have any friends or family nearby) will ultimately drive me cuckoo. Wondering what he’s up to if he’s lying to me if he’s meeting up with her behind my back. If something is going on)

Am I unreasonable to suggest going with him? Although it’s not allowed nobody would know I’m there if I booked a separate hotel room. Is it no different from him being at home on an evening in his free time?

I have a funny feeling that if I were to suggest this, he would get angry and the guilt trip of “so you still think I’m cheating” line and the “so, you still don’t trust me” to follow it. If he refuses, am I also unreasonable to move out and stay with my mum.

It’s obvious I can’t trust him and with him not doing much to prove he is. What else am I supposed to do? I feel helpless and don’t know what else to suggest?

I would need openness and honesty in a relationship and not something you have to suppress or keep to yourself. So you have been able to have an open conversation with him about all your feelings and not get over it.

It is part of you being WHO you are and part of the person you are in your relationship with him.

Has he ever cheated before, do you know about that? It is hard because we all have a past and people we have known before, and sometimes when we do stay in touch with those people, that doesn’t mean that we cheat with them.

Your partner may know your reactions very well and would know that you would react very strongly to it all, but it is all a question of if you are right about your concerns about him. What kind of a man is he otherwise? Is he usually fair and honest? I am not making any excuses for him.

I would say that you should be able to book a separate hotel room without fear of him getting angry, but the best thing would be that you trust him and unless you know for sure that he isn’t cheating.

You will come out of this empowered instead of being controlled by your fear and suspicions if you do decide to stay at home without the need to control him.

Hi Stacey, you mentioned that your husband lied to you about the location of the aboutness trip. He admitted lying to you and said the reason he did lie was to avoid a hassle with you.

I actually believe he might be telling the truth. If you know where this girl lives and he knows that you don’t trust him around her, he might have felt it was necessary to lie to you about the location of his business trip. Even though lying is wrong, believe me when I say that lots of guys would have done the same thing just to keep peace in the house.

Personally, I believe you should give your hubby the benefit of the doubt on this oneGood luck to you. Did you get PTSD from military service? If so, I understand what you are going thru. I spent 25 years in the military and am well aware of the effects of PTSD. Take care of yourself, OK?

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