The Yeshiva's Role

by Mordechai Becher & Moshe Newman

An old friend's wedding, an
uncle's funeral, Passover at the family homestead - these are
but a few of the challenging real-life events that are fraught
with conflict and anxiety for ba'alei teshuvah. After returning
to the faith of their ancestors, many re-enter the secular world
without the tools to respond to the inevitable challenges to their
newly adopted set of beliefs.

After The Return, now in its fourth printing, discusses and advises with
all these issues. The book can be purchased
online.

Here is the entire fourth chapter from the book...

The Yeshivah's Role

"Rav Ashi said, "One
who loves to study with many [Rashi - with many friends] will
have produce" [Rashi - due to him there will be debate and
he will have to concentrate in order to answer their questions].
And this is exactly what Rav Yossi, son of Rabbi Chaninah meant
when he explained, "What is the meaning of the following
verse, 'A sword upon the magicians who are foolish'? (Yirmeyahu
50:36) A sword upon the necks of the enemies of the Torah scholars
who sit and engage in Torah study without partners, and not only
that, they become increasingly more foolish."

Makkos 10a

Rebbi said, "I learned much Torah from my teachers, more than that
from my friends, and most of all from my students"

ibid

"Be careful to study Torah in a group..."

NADARIM 81a, according to Rashi,Tosafos and Rabbenu Nissim ad loc.

"No man is an island
entirely of itself, every man is a part of the continent, a piece
of the main" (John Donne). Any change in the familiar patterns
of life is difficult, especially when this change is accompanied
by the acceptance of a vast and complex new system of living.
Transition is made easier when there are other people in transit
- friends can support each other, people confronting similar problems
and challenges can share their experiences with each other and
can identify with each other's trials.

Our generation has the merit
of witnessing many people returning to the Torah who were raised
in secular environments and did not have the benefit of a Torah
education during the most impressionable years of their lives.
Only one generation ago, there was not one yeshivah or seminary
whose major purpose was to educate adults who were just beginning
their Torah education. Until recently, most Jews who had grown
up non-observant, remained non-observant. Today this trend of
continuing the status quo has changed; now there are countless
yeshivos, seminaries, and institutions of learning for ba'aleiteshuvah of any background, age, and walk of life.

Attitudes in many secular
families have changed over the years, and the idea of studying
in a yeshivah or a seminary has become more acceptable. In the
beginning years of the "teshuvah movement," it was not
uncommon for parents to seek the guidance of professional "cult-busters"
and "deprogrammers" in order to obtain the "release"
of their children from yeshivos. However, the more people study
and visit yeshivos, the more their misconceptions are shattered.
Nowadays it is common for parents and friends of ba'aleiteshuvah to visit and attend a few classes at the yeshivos
and seminaries.

A visit to a yeshivah or
seminary can be the most effective way to correct false impressions.
A woman who had been working on a kibbutz decided to study at
a seminary for ba'alosteshuvah in Jerusalem, and
informed her parents of her decision. Her father immediately booked
a ticket to Israel, and contacted a "cult-buster" for
some tips on how to "save" his daughter. The expert
advised him to try three things: first, to get his daughter out
of the compound by herself (he warned that this would be one of
the most difficult of his tasks); second, to observe one of the
rituals of the cult, and also sit in on an indoctrination session
(in order to be able to refute the claims of the cult); third,
to meet the charismatic leader or "prophet", and if
feasible threaten him with legal action and harmful publicity.

When the father arrived in
Israel expecting to see his daughter only when she was surrounded
by a group of other followers, he was surprised when she came
to meet him at the airport alone. Shocked by his incredible luck,
he suggested that she stay with him at a five-star hotel in Tel-Aviv
for a few days. His daughter immediately agreed (having eaten
seminary food for the past month, which was only rated four-star
in quality), suggested some tours that they could go on together,
and acted in a totally normal manner, all of which left her father
absolutely speechless.

After a few days of five-star
luxury, the father asked if he might be able to attend a few classes
at her school. He attended classes given by Rabbi Dovid Gottlieb
(a former professor of analytical philosophy at Johns Hopkins
University).
The father was very impressed with the lectures, and was able
to ask questions and meet with the lecturers privately. He met
other students at the school, and found them to be intelligent,
normal young women. Finally he arranged a meeting with the dean
of the seminary, a rabbi with a cynical sense of humor (yes, also
a PhD., this time in comparative religion) whose wit and wisdom
put the final nail in the coffin of this father's misconceptions.
The father was so impressed with what he saw that he decided to
enroll in some courses in Judaism when he returned home, and to
keep a kosher kitchen.

Yeshivos and seminaries offer
the opportunity for total immersion in a Torah way of life, in
Torah study, and in an environment where many are striving to
improve their knowledge and observance of Torah together. In a
secular environment ba'aleiteshuvah and many Observant
Jews may feel like outsiders, and are very defensive regarding
religious issues. It is healthy to live in surroundings which
are in consonance with one's lifestyle and beliefs; a yeshivah
provides a community where being an Observant Jew is mainstream
(even trendy perhaps). This type of experience can have an impact
on even a short term visitor to the yeshivah or seminary, and
give him a needed injection of enthusiasm and confidence.

Ba'aleiteshuvah
should take advantage of the yeshivos and seminaries available
to the newly Observant. The teachers in these institutions have
experience and expert knowledge that is invaluable. By linking
up with such a place, the ba'al teshuva can avoid having
to ask advice from a well-meaning person who has very limited
knowledge about his problems or needs.

We know of a student from
England who was an avid sportsman before becoming Observant. He
was a member of a squash club and trained at least four times
a week. He was advised by an Orthodox friend to give up sports
completely so that he could use the time to catch-up on the Torah
study he missed in his youth. He followed this advice and progressed
well in the technical aspects of Torah study. However, he did
not experience any enjoyment in his studies and found himself
sinking into a state of extreme depression. Eventually he came
to regret his decision to become Observant. He decided to try
to give Torah a second chance before totally dropping out of the
religious community and enrolled at a yeshivah in Jerusalem for
ba'aleiteshuvah. A rabbi at the yeshivah noticed
that the student was depressed and suggested that he take up a
sport in his spare time. The student was elated at the opportunity
to get involved in sports again, and after a few weeks he began
to feel like himself again (without, it should be added, any detriment
to his Torah studies).

Programs for ba'aleiteshuvah offer classes that cater to people of almost any
level and background, and the teachers are familiar with the type
of questions asked most by an audience with a limited Jewish education
and background full of Western values and pop culture. Many rabbis
are floored by a question such as, "Are you opposed to something
like 'The Wall'?" The rabbi wonders what could be wrong with
the Western Wall, until he realizes that the student is referring
to a Pink Floyd album.

Things taken for granted
by an average yeshivah student may be totally foreign or even
shocking to a newcomer to Torah study. Terminology used by an
experienced Torah scholar is either unfamiliar to a beginner or
has totally different connotations for him. A rabbi discussing
the prohibition against "talking after washing" may
be confronted with confused looks if he is speaking to an audience
of beginners, who are probably imagining Orthodox Jews silently
sitting at the beach or very quietly exiting the shower. Bentching
- to an Observant Jew - is not a form of weightlifting; it is
the Yiddish term for reciting the blessings after a meal.

Being part of a yeshivah
or seminary also means being part of a community of people who
have similar aspirations and beliefs. The members of a community
celebrate happy occasions together, and provide comfort and support
in times of distress. Non-Observant Jews are usually very impressed
and moved by the incredible lengths to which people will go to
entertain the bride and groom at an Orthodox wedding. Stereotypes
(and sometimes even the rabbis from the yeshivah) go crashing
to the ground when the men begin juggling, somersaulting, and
performing handstands in order to contribute to the happiness
of the occasion. These celebrations serve to highlight the sense
of community and brotherhood at the bride's and groom's schools.

"The more advice, the
more understanding" (PirkeiAvos 2:8). People
who have undergone similar experiences can compare notes and learn
from each other's successes and mistakes. A student at a yeshivah
in Jerusalem made the mistake of going to a "traditional
barber" in Mea She'arim who did not speak English (the student
did not speak Hebrew or Yiddish) two days before visiting his
parents in Pasadena. Needless to say, he could not communicate
the sort of haircut he wanted, so he left the barber shop with
a very close clip, which was not appreciated by his family. This
student's hair-raising experience can now serve as a warning to
others at the yeshivah.

Visiting Observant families
on Shabbos and Festivals is an enjoyable way for the ba'alteshuvah to learn about Shabbos and family life, and to
actually see much that he has learned put into practice. Students
at yeshivos and seminaries are storehouses of inside information
about the "Shabbos guest circuit." Do you want to spend
a Shabbos with a family from Atlanta, Georgia or Georgia of the
former Soviet Union? Do you like Sephardi food or macrobiotic?
Would you like to be with a large family? Chassidic, Lithuanian,
or Yemenite? Jerusalem, Tzefas, or Bnei Brak? Do you want to meet
a religious artist, author, physicist, doctor, or investment banker?
Someone in the yeshivah or seminary is able to direct any student
to an appropriate family, or to someone else who will be able
to assist.

Anyone interested in getting
married will generally have more opportunities to be introduced
to likely marriage prospects if he is already part of a community.
Rabbis and rebbetzins, and other married couples associated with
an institution of learning will be able to introduce people and
help with shidduchim. Teachers and rabbis will be able
to provide references for their students, and they will usually
have the connections to be able to investigate the references
of a prospective shidduch. Many yeshivos and seminaries
not only help their students get married, they also assist the
married couple in finding housing, financial assistance, and with
any advice they might seek.

Most people cannot afford
to spend long periods of time at yeshivah, and certainly cannot
devote most of their life to the study of Torah. It is especially
important for them to take time out to study so that they can
improve their skills in the language and analysis of classical
Hebrew and Aramaic texts. When they leave yeshivah they will be
more independent in their studies, will have a wider choice of
classes to attend, and will be more proficient in their prayers
and blessings.

It is human nature to put
off until tomorrow (or next month, year, or decade) anything that
requires effort. Laziness has a surprising amount of strength
for something so slow moving. "Hillel used to say...If not
now, when?" "Do not say, 'When I have free time I will
study,' for you may never have free time" (PirkeiAvos 1:14 and 2:5).

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