On a data science sabbatical in NYC - and beyond

Most epic professional fails

We all make mistakes in life, don’t we? Especially when we’re at work.

Here’s my personal top-10 of professional fails (so far), carefully collected over the years.
They range from slightly reckless behaviour and laughably embarrassing
situations, to outright unforgivable actions.

Enjoy!

#10. Driving 180 km/h with a harddisk full of data

More than twenty years ago, when I was still in my twenties and
therefore immortal,
a customer of ours needed to urgently launch a
massive website containing tens of thousands of pre-generated pages.

Too much data to send over the wire or by avian carrier,
so we went for the highway. Never was I driven faster from Brussels to
Luxemburg than on that particular day.

The website went online alright, but
I swore to never do that again.

Good: Made the deadlineBad: Almost made the deadline

#9. Stomach problems on an intercontinental flight

What do you get when you combine a week of jetlag and lack of sleep
with a chicken curry inflight meal, and a glass of port?

A big
mess, a lot of hassle and a plastic bag full of clothes. Plus complimentary pajamas
carrying the British Airways logo — a real collector’s item!

#8. Not checking company-critical backup tapes

This is a classic.

When I was working at one of Belgium’s first web
development shops in the mid-nineties, the external SCSI disk
containing half of all our managed websites suddenly decided to stop
working. To make matters worse, the backup tape also seemed corrupt.

Just when I was about to take the blame and write my resignation
letter, the disk came up again, and the company was saved. As was my job.

A few weeks
later, we got our state-of-the-art automated backup system, and a rack
full of fault-tolerant RAID disks.

Good: never waste a good crisisBad: heart rate and blood pressure

#7. Firing a key person in the team, and then quitting

At that same startup, I had to let go an important team member,
knowing that I might resign myself a week later. Which I did, once I
got the green light from my new employer.

Every so often, timing is everything.

Good: the company survived, of course, at least for a whileBad: there’s little fun in dealing with ethical dilemmas

#6. Agreeing to get paid half in money, half in shares

In the mid-noughties, when I was a freelancer building speech-driven
phone applications, I was called in to program the one and only Beavis
& Butthead Hotline. The New York startup I was working for didn’t have
a lot of cash, so I agreed to be paid in equity for half of my
work.

No need to say that this assignment was by far the funniest
thing I’ve ever worked on. But also the least well paid.

#5. Telling political jokes to foreign co-workers

Over lunch at work, I once jokingly made a comment to a French project
partner about “Hirochirac” — the
nickname given to the then French president Jacques Chirac. There was
no laughter: apparemment, ce n’était pas très marrant.

Years later, when I should have known better, I wanted to display my knowledge
about the Po Valley to Italian colleagues we were visiting.
To do so, I innocently used the word Padania, which
turned out to have acquired a
strong political connotation. A few colleagues choked on their
espressos and cappuccinos.

Don’t. Just don’t.

Good: Follow the international newsBad: Discuss it with locals

#4. Not putting all contractual clauses on paper

When joining a Belgian company that had just been acquired by a very
well funded Silicon Valley startup, I was promised a sizeable amount of
stock options. Alas, I was gullible and naïve enough to settle for a
gentleman’s agreement with the local boss.

One year later, the daughter company went bankrupt. Stock
options were nowhere to be seen, of course.

Six years later, the mother company was sold to Microsoft for a bit
less than a billion dollars. A small part of which could have been mine.

Since then, everything is on paper. Always.

Good: I could have made some decent moneyBad: I didn’t

#3. Agreeing to split an R&D team in R and D subteams

A couple of years ago, my boss wanted to make sure that the R&D team I
was leading would spend enough time on innovative research, next to
the more operational work of developing models. He wanted to
achieve this by splitting the team in two virtual subteams, along
these lines.

Intuitively, I knew this was a very bad idea: most R&D people — especially the ones
with a PhD — prefer to see themselves as
… researchers. Nevertheless, against
my own will and intuition, I gave in and complied with my boss’ wish.

It didn’t take a day for the team to lose its internal coherence, and
fall apart in two camps: the “winners” (researchers) and the “losers” (developers).

Next time: just say no.

Good: I had been loyal to the chiefBad: I was squeezed as a middle manager

#2. Telling truth to CEO, bypassing local boss

The daughter company from item #4 was in dire straits, so the
mother company CEO decided to cut his losses and pull the
plug. Because I had —rightly so — lost all confidence in
our boss to represent, let alone defend
his local staff, I sent a
mail directly to the CEO with my version of the truth, pleading for a reversal of his decision. To
no avail, of course.

A few hours later, I got one of the most unpleasant phone calls in my life. A
few weeks later, I was fired, together with a couple of other people. A few months later, everyone was fired.

That is, except for the local boss, who parked the exit funds meant for the turnaround of the daughter company in his
personal Luxemburg holding. He lived happily ever after, I
think. I never checked.

Good: Keep your self-respect by staying loyal to your own beliefsBad: Be prepared to take the bullet

#1. Send blame mail to team member for assumed lack of motivation, with whole team in Cc:

A project team member wrote to the team that she was unable to perform a certain task
by a certain deadline, giving a reason that I deemed bogus. In a
moment of weakness, anger and frustration, I sent a not-so-friendly
reply mail, clearly singling her out. Three seconds after pushing the
Send button, I fully realized how stupid I had been.

Written and oral apologies followed to the team member, her boss and the team. It took a couple
of days to be on speaking terms again.

Good: I assumed responsibility and apologizedBad: Everything else

Morale of the story

Next time you’re acting stupidly, know that you’re not alone. There’s
quite some competition out there.