The Importance of Fathers

We live in a culture today that minimizes the role of men, discounts the importance of fathers, and generally tends to dismiss the male gender as unnecessary. Stemming from the women’s lib movement that began in the late 1960s and early 1970s, the continuing and pervasive line of thinking says that women don’t really need a man, they can do almost everything that a father does in a family and that men are pretty much obsolete. Sadly, some go as far as employing the science of artificial insemination where a woman doesn’t even need the man for procreation, she only needs his sperm.

So are men really only useful as sperm donors, or is there something that the feminist agenda is missing? Studies have shown that, indeed, their thinking is very flawed and they are missing a great deal. The bottom line of research says that it is the father who overwhelmingly determines the moral and spiritual development of the children. Three separate studies that I have read come to mind: One done by the Swiss government, a second reported by the Baptist Press and finally a third one reported by MSNBC (hardly a Christian biased outlet). A variety of sources—the government, church and the liberal left—yet these investigations show the same results. All three sources support the important influence fathers have on their kids—shocking as that is to those in the “we-don’t-need-men” club!

First, the Swiss study, published in 2000 showed that “it is the religious practice of the father of the family that, above all, determines the future church attendance of the children.” Check out this amazing statistics:

Mother and Father attend church regularly:

33% of their children will end up attending church regularly

25% of their children will end up not attending at all

Mother attends church regularly. Father does not attend church at all:

2% of their children will end up attending church regularly

60% of their children will end up not attending at all

Father attends church regularly. Mother does not attend church at all:

44% of their children will end up attending church regularly

34% of their children will end up not attending at all

While many people believe that women are the “primary parents” and that men are pretty much nonessential, these numbers prove differently. There is no comparison—2% compared to 44%! Men do matter and that father’s influence and participation in church attendance and the spiritual development of his children is a great indicator of how successful families are at passing their faith on to the next generation. Surprisingly, even when both parents attend church regularly, the number drops 10%! My theory is because so many women end up criticizing their husbands in this area and undermine his value and influence over the kids.

Numbers like this can be very depressing to single moms out there and they can end up feeling horrible. I don’t intend to condemn anyone, and I feel badly for all you ladies who are struggling to do your very best with your children. Of course, you need help from other people, especially male role models, and the grace and mercy of God cannot be underestimated. But we shouldn’t fool ourselves. Single parenting is not the best case scenario and because of this flawed thinking that says men are pretty much irrelevant, too many women are quick to cast aside their marriages and dismiss the important role of their husbands in the lives of their kids. Many women say that they can do as good or better of a job without the man, yet these numbers don’t say that—in fact, they scream the exact opposite.

Now look at the numbers from the survey released by the Baptist Press:

If the mother is the first to become a Christian in a household, there is a 17% probability that everyone in the household will follow.

If the father is the first to become a Christian in a household, there is a 93% probability that everyone in the household will follow.

Sadly, even though these studies show the value men have in transmitting their faith to their families; most churches are missing the boat on this one. They aren’t connecting with men; they aren’t unleashing the spiritual power latent in the male population. And until churches and pastors learn to tap into the spiritual potential in men, The Church will only be a fraction of what we are supposed to be.

I realize that saying this is very politically incorrect. But if you look at the makeup of most Christian churches in America, 60% or more are women and 40% or less are men. Unfortunately, most of that 40% of guys are those whose wives drag them into the building every Sunday. The Church has become so over feminized that it is not real or relevant to many men. (For more information on this check out the book Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow.) In no other major religion do we see this but for Western Christianity. You don’t see it in Islam, Judaism or Buddhism—it’s exclusively our problem that men pull back or refuse to get involved in any significant capacity in our churches. The Christian church must do a better job of drawing in the men and reaching the fathers in our communities and congregations. By doing so, families will reap the benefits of a Godly male influence, which in turn will bring great power to the church body at large.

Finally, we will look at the MSNBC study (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31086977/) on how fathers influence the moral decisions of their children. According to this study, “teenagers whose fathers are more involved in their lives are less likely to engage in risky sexual activities such as unprotected intercourse. While an involved mother can also help stave off a teen’s sexual activity, dads have twice the influence.” Men are not just some small incidental with no significance as they are often regarded. Fathers have a large and very important role in the lives and futures of their children—in fact, double the influence on the moral development.

So when women are choosing to become pregnant or adopt children to raise by themselves, when mother’s decide that the fathers of their children are dispensable, divorce the guys and allow them minimal contact with the kids, they are overlooking one of the essential and key elements in raising strong, confident, and Godly sons and daughters. And when men are choosing to leave their kids behind, be it in out of wedlock births, through divorce or abandonment, or even being a “present-but-clearly-absent” father in the home, they are missing out on the greatest opportunity that they have: the chance to be an influence to future generations.

We have not yet begun to see the ramifications of a society that thinks so little about the value of men and their role as dads. As our culture continues to devalue men more and more and as fewer men choose to take an active role in the lives of their children, societal ills will keep growing. A recent study by the Pew Research Center tells of another startling statistic:

41% of babies born in 2008 were born to unmarried mothers (vs. 5% in 1960)

If you want a clear picture of what kids without fathers can become, look no further than our prison system. The vast majority of men and women incarcerated grew up without a strong father to influence their moral and spiritual development. Children who grow up without dads have more school and behavioral issues, higher suicide rates, increased drug and substance abuse and juvenile delinquency, and the list goes on and on. Whether through divorce, abandonment, or being disconnected, disengaged and never present with the family, absent fathers create a huge void—and our society is suffering for it.

As these statistics show, it is time to put an end to the “guys—you can take ‘em or leave ‘em since they aren’t really that important or necessary” mindset we have in America. Men do matter. Fathers are very significant and all the dads and moms, politicians in government, teachers and administrators in schools, and especially all the pastors in our churches need to take that seriously.

This entry was posted by Mark G on Thursday, January 27th, 2011
at 10:17 am
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66 Responses to “The Importance of Fathers”

I am a clergywomen (30 years), pastoral psychotherapist (20 years), wife (27 years), mother (25 years) and daughter of God (51 years). Please don’t continue to label “feminists” with the original tone of the movement which HAD to commence with many strong, “angry” women in order to be heard by the male brain. I am a clergy and a therapist who continues to be disappointed by the character and behavior of most men EVERY day. Just read the paper. The vast majority of crimes are committed by men – even “christian” men. At times most of my client caseload consists of Christian women who have been emotionally/mentally/spiritually abused by their “christian” husbands. As for the studies you reference, there are more that say that an environment of respect and peace produces the most well-adjusted children/adults – even God-loving folks. The penis is not the only or best conduit of God’s grace. All PEOPLE need to be valued and encouraged – no matter what their gender. Your emphasis on “man vs. woman” type of teaching continues the dangerous stereotyping that will keep me in business for a long time. My husband and I have been marriage enrichment leaders for 25 years. Our biblical model is Jesus. We are equal in his eyes and are equal in our marriage. Our democratic context is crying out for ME leaders who will value the kind of loving relationship that Christ modeled – not based on gender but based on incarnational sacrifice.

@melanie
You contradict yourself with the so common claim that there are these different nuances of feminism that have veered away from the original angry mods. Not so fast. Yes, there are nuances, but all feminist dogma, including yours, falls under one umbrella, that being “women are superior to men”. By pointing to a fact about male criminality you establish from the start what Christian feminists thrive upon, which is the perception that women are spiritually and morally superior to men.
“An environment of respect”…is not something logically juxtaposed to 2 parent vs 1 parent households. You would compare an environment of respect to an environment of DISrespect. There is zero logic in taking the 2 comparions, 1 parent vs 2 parent, and respect vs disrespect, and mixing them as you did. Its nonsense. He made zeo claims about respect levels, nor did the studies. Please learn to limit yourself to whats written.
Your mention of equality etc. is also totally irrelevant to this article. Its more of a general rant against the writer than a specific rebuttal of his points. This however is the tactic of feminist discourse, throw enough facts on the wall, regardless their actual applicability to whats been stated, then derive conclusions that simply do not flow from whats been said.
Why do you have an agenda to PROVE that man are NOT influential to kids? That’s the question. I’m so thankful that men and some women are waking up to rampant feminism in the church as the primary family destroyer in the church. Your side has done a masterful job selling fear of patriarchy based on 50 year old social norms. But people eventually scratch their heads asking, um, where is all this male dominance they say to fear? Most marriages do happily comport as equals, and that’s fantastic! But in the arena of morality you and the sistas have claimed a high ground that you no more deserve than men, or any subset be it race or gender.

Feb. 8th 8:03
Dear Melanie,
There seems to be an ignorance to peoples sin/self perspective that darkens the glass we are trying to view God through. This lays heavily on the men, as it did on the Pharisees and Sadducees, and all men before and after. Those (for all sin) in the degree of their ignorance seek to set all THEIR PIECES of THEIR little world into place no matter their RESPONSIBILITY as ‘head’, nor the affliction they bring to those (wife and kids) they are 100% responsible for; unlike Christ for the Church and the lost.
Although we are equal beings, we do have different responsibilities. Man’s responsibility is to be a living sacrifice (of his little world), for Christ sake, and meet all his wifes eathly needs (finances, edifying, listening, etc.)by the means of the Word. And, because men have lived for themselves with God in their back pocket, you shall die working; for the poor you shall have with you always.

To engage men in the church is simple really. Stop condemning men. Men dont even realize why they feel bad after church, its because they have just been re affirmed as womanizing porn addicts, who are uninvolved with their kids…..again.

And women have been “celebrated” and winked and nudged for putting up with oafs that are their husbands.

Celebrate men, and men will come…..aim some ire at women (GASP) and set the factual record straight, and men will come. burger and football night is a silly lame attempt to fix the problem. Engage the male intellect, that is always compelling, and can change the world as it has for all time.

Chris,
We should celebrate, and call good things good, and should even call those(men)that are not as though they were (lift them up into good)Rom.4:17. In that, let us celebrate who God made us, as we grow into that man Rom.12:1-2.
In Job Chapt. 38-40 God rebukes Job and his ‘friends’. God further instructs Job to “gird himself up as a man” (in the
fashion that God created him)to receive even more rebuke; so as to get what he needed to live the life he was meant to.
The Curch does have to decide to help men be men or allow men to continue to be like Job’s friends: religious vessels, useless to their purpose.
Men need to SEEK to be the husband God predestined them to be in being a living sacrifice for their Eve. She will willingly, even in all her short-comings, look to his headship on Earth. We love Him because He first Loved us IJohn 4:19.

Good points, and good point in the comments. We need Dads, and we need women and families to respect their leadership.

As to Melanie’s criticism: How can you have a “environment of respect” in the home with the idea that both husband and wife are exactly equal in authority? If they disagree, which they will, how do they decide who wins? Is it whoever yells the loudest? Nags the most? Seems to lead to an “environment of fighting,” or passive-agressive behaviors to avoid conflict.

Seems to me that celebrating men and encouraging them is the best way to create an environment of respect.

I would love for my husband to be the leader in our home. In fact, it was a desire I expressed prior to our marriage. I, like Melanie, am a clergywoman, but I specifically told my husband that I don’t want to be the pastor at home.
To be fair to him, he never acknowledged that his role was to be head of the home (although Scripture says it). We’ve had a void in our home that I have tried to fill with less than great consequences. (We’ve been married 3 yrs.) I know that he feels somewhat emasculated at times, but he has never tried to step up.
I was convicted this winter that I need to be more patient and give that space even if it does mean having a void in our house. It is one that I was not meant to fill. In the meantime, my own walk with Jesus is my responsibility.
I believe there are many wives who would LOVE it if their men would step up.

Mark’s article is dead on, but lets stop attacking Melanie as she does have a point. Men dominated women for centuries, so by the ’60′s, women had finally had enough. They thought the only way was to get angry & obnoxious. It worked, but the pendulum has swung too far the other way. Lets do what Mark advises us to do, so we can find a balance. I heard John Hagee say in 1 of his sermons: women were taken from man’s rib to be his equal; not from his head to be dominated & lorded over & not from his feet to be trampled on. And Mark’s co-host Debbie says-”just be nice to each other”.

After I read everything I could here I think, men,and fathers are much more than “football, burgers and cookies” yet they obviously appreciate all of that stuff. They protect the family, provide whatever the family needs and, yes, when they can do that they want to be proud of it. Just like single moms do it.And single moms usually get a lot of attention and appreciation which is right.Well, men on the other hand, usually admit the fact they need women to inspire them to achieve their goals and make sense of their efforts. Um..does it show weakness? To me it is rather selflessness, but sure, some people could narrow it down as “football, burger…”. Actually, what men do and how they do it is pretty much genetically coded. So,ladies, just let them do it. And when they feel appreciated and loved they will give you anything you want. That part is also coded. Att.: important, I am talking here about mentally and emotionally normal, average men who still teach their children to respect their mother but probably would never get engaged in a conversation with his wife about the fragrances of those new candles she wants to buy for the dining room because, from the word “dining room” he associates with burgers. Again, coded.

My Dad was the most controlling man I knew growing up. He always had an eye on my three sisters and I, rarely ever let us go anywhere boys were around, and even literally took the first guy I brought home onto the back porch with a shotgun to talk to him before he’d let him take me out… TO DINNER. He disciplined us for things we did that “all the other kids parents were letting them do,” and made us budget the money we made as soon as we were old enough to count change, only allowing us to spend 50% of it on fun things. We weren’t allowed to win prizes at our own birthday parties, couldn’t watch read Harry Potter, and always had to be in for curfew several hours before all our friends. For years I was so frustrated with who he was and how he treated us as his daughter.

But then he walked me down the isle two years ago as a 20-year-old bride and at the end of that isle handed me over to my groom. It was that day, after seeing the look in his eye when he kissed my cheek goodbye, that I realized all that control was nothing but protection.

If it wasn’t for my father’s structure, I wouldn’t know discipline. If it wasn’t for his heart, I wouldn’t know the Lord. If it wasn’t for his love, I wouldn’t know I was too valuable to give myself away to anyone but the man I married. If it wasn’t for his affection, I wouldn’t know I was beautiful. If it wasn’t for his influence, I wouldn’t have chosen a man so much like him- strong, honorable, honest, hard-working, and brave- to spend my life with. If it wasn’t for my father, I have no idea where or who I’d be.

I agree as whole-heartedly as is possible with this post. Thank you for bringing this to light.

Nice job Rhonda. You’ve managed to take a heartfelt and thoughtful response from Carrie that brought a tear to my eye (literally) and find a way to demonize her father. If her dad pulled my son aside and talked to him about dating Carrie while holding that shotgun, I’d want to have burgers and football night with the guy and announce to the rest of the room that this guy is a stud.

Further, your response (without intention) confirms the thoughts of CS Lewis in Mere Christianity when he (I’m paraphrasing) says: If your dog bites the neighbor kid, you will almost certainly want to deal with the kid’s father, not mother. The mother is designed to protect the family from the world at all cost; the father is designed to protect the world from the mother.

It’s ok that you feel this way Rhonda. Just thank God you have a husband to keep you in line…assuming you haven’t emasculated him to a point rendering him incapable. In that case…spend some time praying for his restoration so you can be the woman he’s called you to be.

The Bible NEVER says women are equal to men, but that women were created from man and joined with him to become “one flesh” (monogamy, not equality). We women are to help our men, and be companions for them, but I’ve never seen anything that says we are equal to him–EXCEPT where it concerns our salvation (women have the same adoption as men into the family of God at redemption–making up for that punishment in the beginning, but still covering our sins in usurping that authority while we have life on earth. You know, providing we are not willfully continuing to commit them when we know we are not equal in the flesh).

And whether or not God used the rib, rather than the head or the foot, as an analogical piece of anatomy to indicate woman’s place with man, after Eve was seduced by the serpent into disobeying God, God said that man would rule over her. Yes, that is a punishment, and it stinks that women were relegated to that by one woman’s mistake so long ago–but it is also a REALITY. But just as sin was paid for at the cross, it did not cease to exist in our fleshly natures. We can look forward to a day when we “will not marry or be taken in marriage” because our reward is equal in the Kingdom of Heaven, but we cannot decide that we can have that kind of equality here on earth. That’s not what God has allowed for us.

We forget this order of things that God laid out for us, and as a result, our churches are failing, because men are giving their jobs up to women who are usurping the authority God gave to men. Children are seeing women undermine, or take over in the absence of, that authority, and believing in the reality that men are useless, spineless, or otherwise obsolete when it comes to running an organization. Preachers preach to this, to keep from offending their stronger female members, and fall into the same trap the first century church did when Paul told them that meddling women should be silent. What’s worse, our children are seeing this at home as women are disrespecting their husbands in front of the children and teaching their young men to concede the authority to the women–’cause, you know, women are always right and better at everything. That yields a generation of indecisive wanny-boys–and frustrates a generation of women who think they can do it all, but demand the help and authority of husbands not equipped for the task. It’s a spiraling effect, and I believe has a lot to do with the warning about sin prevailing through the generations, because we don’t love and trust God enough to guide our men or show them the respect they need.

Just so you know, this is not coming from some brainwashed or diminutive soul. I’ve discovered in my ten years of marriage that it is more productive for me to encourage my husband into decision-making and help define his roles at home and discover his roles in the community and church than nag him about his deficiencies and take over his role. It was a harder challenge after he came home from a year-long deployment and I had to transition from being a “single” woman running my home to having him take over systems I’d finally gotten “perfected” in his absence (fortunately, we didn’t have children at the time). I still have to fight the urge to sigh, shake my head, and do it for him, but now we have two young boys to raise into young men, and I WILL NOT have them castrated into little girly-boys by my actions or the actions of others.

I have a lot to learn, myself, and our communication is still not great, but I respect my husband and his authority over me, even if I begrudge it sometimes, and it WORKS. I will never submit to him bashing me over the head with it (I’m one of those “butt-kicking women”, after all), but because he sees that I respect him he is more willing to step up to the plate and show me the love I desire, and I am more willing to submit to his decisions and respect him all the more for it.

Your point on the husband’s value is true and essential. But we have been looking at it from the wrong point in the timeline of creation; for men, husbands, fathers have only been devalued a small amount since “women lib”, and that is all on the men. If Jesus set use free, then why aren’t we ‘walking’ free men?

I agree with all your commments. I am in the Army. I have deployed more than four times. I am currently on my fifth and last deployment. So far two of my kids are doing good but the oldest is into drugs and does not do well in school. I try to make an influence at home but it is so difficult always being away.

I am looking forward to attending your seminar with my husband. I must admit, however, to being a bit weary. I am a tried and true feminist, but I have never been focused on men as being irrelevant. My exposure to that frame of mind has been quite limited – maybe a little bit of the musings of coming of age young women in college. Certainly any woman younger than the baby boomers has discredited and disregarded any of the line of feminism that you seem obsessed with. I am highly professional, surrounded by highly educated and successful women and really, truly haven’t ever thought that men are irrelevant. Who do you spend your time with and what sort of publications are you reading in order to justify generalizing feminism in this manner? It is my opinion that the church has become irrelevant for men, not because of women or the influence of women in church. But, instead, because of a culture that says all men need for success is a 100K job, a fancy car, and box seats to their football team. This is a cultural phenomenon that goes way beyond the influence of feminism. As I said, I am looking forward to laughing my way to a better marriage. I just hope you don’t plan on focusing on such out of touch ideas about who is to blame. Let’s lift ourselves up with the word of God – no strike ourselves down out of something altogether different. Blessings.

Nobody is going to like me for saying this, but has anyone read “On Women” by the German philosopher Schopenhauer? He’s right!

Women are the “weaker sex” in almost every respect. Mentally – name three great female inventors. Artistically – name three great female painters. Physically, of course. Morally – in the Garden of Eden it was the woman who gave in to temptation to eat the apple, and the woman who convinced the man to eat it.

The man is the true human, God’s creation and child. The only reason He created women was so that the man wouldn’t be alone, and for a helpmeet for him. (If you don’t believe that, stop calling yourself a follower of Christ, and get out of my church.)

All feminism is Satanic lies, because it starts from the premise that men and women should be in conflict, and that men (and “patriarchy”) are seeking to “oppress” women. In fact, men love women, more than anything else! And all through history men have been willing to fight and die for women, not just their wives, but all the women. Men love women, and are not their oppressors. Even if “patriarchy” is the natural order of our species.

Hey, I think you will find if you read Genesis carefully that the first sin was not committed by Eve, but by Adam. He failed to protect Eve and teach her what God had commanded. When she was being tempted by the serpent, Adam wasn’t off someplace else, he was right there with her! (Gen 3:6) Adam just stood there and did nothing… he chose passivity instead of engagement. He abdicated his leadership and men have been doing the same ever since.

I thoroughly enjoyed your article and agree whole-heartedly. My Baptist Church is full of God-loving people. I have sought out to be mentored and discipled by pastor or someone else within the congregation but to no avail, driving me to check out other churches. I also heard this problem discussed recently on a Christian Talk show. The value of this for those that are willing completely surmounts any material wealth. Those men who are considering such a task would surely be doing a heap of good for the Lord.

God, the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spiirt…that’s the pattern that was establish before time began by God the Father…so the head of woman is man and the head of man is Jesus Christ…we women should remember that Jesus submitted to the Father..
Deal

The problem is that too many men as fathers have failed to the point that families would be better off with out them. Fathers are more likely to be physically violent to moms and children. Fathers are more likely to sexually abuse their children. Fathers are more likely to be porn or gambling and /or substance addicts. Fathers are more likely to abandon the family. Fathers are more likely to be irresponsible. Nine times out of ten I hear horror stories of one sort or another of how men as fathers seriously failed. And then the next generation of men have bad role models to be fathers themselves and hence IMHO a huge contributing factor to the arrested development of men who act like teenagers into their 40s and who do not want to get married and have families with responsibilities. It is not that women do not want strong men as fathers in their lives it is that men don’t want the job. I wish you guys would stop complaining about women via feminism trying to fill the void men have left. And yes I agree that women do a terrible job as men. Women need men to be real fathers- Real Men. But if men don’t want the job and just will not be grown-up men– we are left with the state we have now.

As well, Jesus said that the ONLY acceptable reason for divorce is adultery. Anything else, and you have committed a sin against God. But I guess that doesn’t matter if you have your kids outside of wedlock, like most women seem to do nowadays. Living in denial that their bastard children will grow up just fine without their his father in his life. Disgusting.

Delinquent fathers/husbands produce rebellous women……unfortunately, it’s the degeneration of mankind…I believe DUH, it all started in ‘the Garden’ when we first disobeyed God’s commandment (female/male)…..but thanks be to God who gives us the victory through Christ Jesus our LORD….THAT’S THE WAY OUT OF THIS MESS!

I too am a Christian Counselor and can also “flash” around my several credentials…the 5 colleges I attended…my 3 degrees…and my years of experience BUT I will not do that. I do specialize in Anger Management (Certified), Domestic abuse and treating addictive behaviors. I will not go into length and add to this messy debate other than to point out that Domestic Abuse is NOT just a male problem. I am more and more seeing female clients who abuse. And I agree with Mark that Men have failed in their role of leadership in the home…partly because of the strong feminist individuals in our society who insist on putting men “in their place” (possibly operating out of their own unhealed wounds) and men who have chosen to take a “back seat” and not give the leadership which the Bible teaches us to do. While the era of the 60′s brought about some much needed changes in our culture it has taken us to the extreme and perpetrated the destruction of the family unit by placing men in the background. We ALL are to blame for this mess – Men – women – the philosophy of the world – and yes – even the Church!

Thank you Mark and all the crew that makes this possible, I love your work.
I am a 44 year old male, have 2 children and have helped my friends children to become the good persons that Lie’s inside there confused minds due to the garbage that society offers. I am a great father and go to and help out in sports, teach DIY in our shed when they want to try something, taxi runs all hours, stay informed of there friends ways, know where they are without judgement( just advise be careful maybe) protect them by empowering there minds and not showing them the EGO can fix everything. If any women out there thinks they don’t need a good mans brain ….Good luck!! some choose to have no committed man around and this works but it has consequences that women refuse to acknowledge.
My son also works at our family business and we love the choice it gives us (to be together) My kids or family don’t know god but there father shows them that there ways work, they just don’t realise there living close to christian values. One day when I’m gone my work will continue in them to also deeply love there wife / life. Ps If this is posted I love you babe. xxx

There is nothing dangerous as one comment says in Marks teachings! Maybe dangerous for women who want to be in control and takeover (the feminist).
If men place Jesus as their head/leader… And women their husbands as their head and leader PERFECT order will be achieves and Gods blessings will pour! The foundation must be Christ, then husband, and then the women. Feminists hate this. But that is only way to achieve a healthy happy marriage.

I was looking for some inspiration to create a custom Father’s Day card for my dad this year (which is what I traditionally do) and came across your blog. I loved what you said here. I couldn’t agree more. My husband is a police officer and the facts that you quoted here are right on. I’ll be eager to read more of your blog! Thank you for speaking the truth and being bold.

Thank you these “politcally incorrect” words. We need to hear,and then understand and act on changing the view women have about the men in our lives. It saddens my heart to see how women think and degrade men, so reading this article made me realize I need to stand up for and teach what I know is true, that men make a difference and they ARE an important part of our childrens lives AND our lives and we need to respect them and encourage them to be the man God intended them to be. Thank you! God bless and keep talking!!!

First, please, everyone, understand that Mark and his colleagues can’t control who posts here, what their ideological or theological views are, or what their aims in posting are. Some people (as evidenced by comments above) have an axe to grind and speak out of hurt unhealed. For those who are judging Mark’s show and material because of posts he invites as comments but can’t control, please don’t do that – this is a good resource.

I am a counselor and certified spiritual director and believe “traditional” “angry” feminism is still alive and well – I have encountered it many times in grad school and professionally and it is a driving force in much of academia.

I’ve worked with women’s shelters and have had two women close to me that needed to escape from abusive marriages (physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, etc.). I’ve also worked with many suffering women due to failures on the part of the men in various roles in their lives, so I also realize there are very real reasons for the anger.

But anger, either toward women (put them in their place and use the scripture as a stick) or men (use current academic and liberal thought as a weapon) misses the point entirely and does not accomplish a harmonious alliance between men and women that mirrors the character of God. We need both halves of humanity to represent God in the world: “So God created man in His image, male and female created He them. . . ”

Can we just get past the fight and listen to what is really being said here? That we really do need each other? Then maybe we can roll up our sleeves and do something constructive. Awareness of your own heart, and management of that (“A man who rules his own heart is better than he who rules a city” Proverbs) is such a gift. Look at the source of your anger, please, because denial (really, lying to yourself) is one of the most dangerous forces on the face of the earth. Most of the time, even “righteous” anger has a mixed motive, and in the center you will find an unhealed wound. Jesus came to heal, and we are to be like Him.

Again, please don’t let the comments here dissuade you from listening to Mr. Gungor’s good material.

I married my college sweetheart and do not regret it in the least. She and I struggled our entire time together. It seemed that she surrounded herself with people who constantly told her she could do better, that she does not need to be treated like that. Including her own “christian” father. On our 9th anniversary date, she filed for divorce. We separated 9 months prior because her dad kept telling her she did not need me. She then fed me every line I wanted to hear; “I am working on things on my own”, “I want things to work out”, etc. Always, in the background, meeting with lawyers and creating a plan to take everything away from me. We have been divorced almost a year now, and I still love her tremendously. I will do whatever I can for her, and she actually gets mad at me for trying to be nice to her, which causes me issues than necessary. Unfortunately, her and her dad constantly use the fact that I stand on Christian belief that divorce is wrong against me in the courts. I have less than 10 hours/week with my children on 3 different days. No overnights, they live with her parents and get no discipline and ask me constantly, “Why do papa and mommy hate you so much?” What can I say? I refuse to attack their character even when it is completely obvious to a 6 year old and a 3 year old. My ex-father-in-law is even studying for a Masters degree in Theology with an emphasis on Biblical Principles. Yet, he does not hesitate to start arguments with me even when I have said nothing to anyone, including him. Then he blames me for this.

It is also the fact that the “flower” generation feels they need to constantly support and “protect” their children that enables my generation to do what they “feel” God is telling them. He says in Malachi 2:16 He hates divorce. Jesus says also, “Therefore, what God has joined let man not separate” in Mark 10:9. Why then, would any person believe that God told him/her to leave his or her spouse? It is our way of thinking “I deserve to be happy”, or “God wants me to be happy”. Where in the Bible does God say He wants us to be happy? I believe He specifically says in John 16:33 that we will have troubles because of Him!

Marriage between a man and a woman is sacred, why else would it have been the first institution God created? I ask all Christ-followers to stand on what God has taught us, instead of what our culture constantly tells us. We do not deserve anything, except an eternity in Hell because of our sin. Thankfully, Christ has covered that for us on the cross, and we can rejoice

Come on man. Man up as mark would say.These people are having a lend of your kindness and you are ENABLING her to treat you bad …Right !. You know he would say this. Her give a dam is busted and you will end up with depression and your life will get worse. Deal with the fact that she does’nt want you any more and that’s her problem . Keep your self respect, do more things for you, change your thoughts and energy to what is staring you in the face…Life, It’s more this crap you don’t need or want. Man to man I wish you the strength it takes to do this but mark my words, you will be more attractive to any woman if you are a man and no longer a girly man. please DUDE don’t take offence ….this is unpaid, real advice money can’t buy. I and others I know are untouchable because we know we do the right thing and any insults from others is like water off a ducks back. Good luck Scott I really wish you all the best.

“The Importance of Fathers” blog was a very good read and eye opening! I am a single mother of a now 26 year old who turned out really good due mostly to the grace of God. I have noticed a disturbing trend even on tv commercials that downgrade men into seemingly juvenile, ignorant teenagers on par with their children! Ads from pizza to hardware stores to steam cleaners make men look dumb. Please men-take your places! Please men, don’t let us women lead you around by the nose!

Lets be honest, our society and our “no fault” judicial system has enabled married couples to split. It’s our fault as a society that we’ve allowed it. I know there are extreme cases that warrant a divorce, but the majority are unacceptable. A long time ago, if a couple wanted a divorce, the father received automatic custody of the children. This forced couples to fight for the marriage and work it out, because of the equal accountability. when there are checks and balances it removes motivation for the person wanting to leave the marriage. it’s not a coincidence that approximately 90% of woman file for divorce. we are rewarding bad behavior in the judicial system, and emasculating men in the process. and people wonder why men are terrified to step-up and be men. this is exactly why you’re seeing a lot of men fail to make marriage commitments. the bottom line is that we are actually creating the distant or absent fathers. we need to look in the mirror and be honest with ourselves: we were, are, or never will be equal when it comes to men and women. we’re not supposed to be. we’re living a lie and falling right into the enemy’s chuckling hands, folks. equality is a smokescreen. we are equally important, but we are not equal. we both impact our children in different ways, and there isn’t one way that’s more important than the other. just because you don’t agree with something doesn’t mean it’s not true. we need to remove our emotion and try to fix our upside down American culture. having a marriage-centered home instead of a children-centered home would prevent a lot of this. mama & papa-bear are number one, and the kids are number two. you don’t have to agree, but you’re doing an injustice to your child if you run it any other way. children aren’t gucci bags, puppy dogs, or accessories that we tote around and show off. they are human beings that belong to God, and need to be guided, equipped, molded, and prepared for the reality of a sinful world we live in; and you only have approximately 18 years to do it. wake up America…it’s not cool to be a single mom. as a matter of fact, it’s a train-wreck tragedy. like i said, i’m not speaking on behalf of the widows and extreme cases. you don’t see the ramifications and long term side effects/consequences, but they will catch up with you.

well said. Society knows this is true and there subconscious tells them this also, but there brain is infected by there parents ego virus that is spreading from generation to generation so the bad behaviour could become a new thing to blame things on…EPI…Ego Parental Infection?? cause you have to blame some one other than yourself. Just a thought?

I agree that the feminist movement has led to some great things – like equality in the work place, the right to vote, a chance to be both a mother and career women – and I am greatful for these things. But it totally has gone way to far, and instead of equality, feminists seem to want superiority.
Men and women may be equal in many areas, but that does not make us the same. God has made us distinctly male and female with different roles within society and within our families.
The studies show how much of an impact the fathers have on their families, they are not saying that the mothers have no impact at all. The best case scenario is for a 2 parent home, where both the mother and father are present physically and emotionally, both doing their part in raising the children.

Absolutely awesome and necessary. My wife is divorcing me after 18 years and 7 beautiful children that God has given us. There is no reason just bitterness and unforgiveness on things that dont even come close to a seperation thank you this info will Lord willing help to at least get me more time with the children p.s. we are both professing christians for 35 plus years

Love the blogs and videos – do you have any videos on Parenting – I’m looking for something to share w/parents at our church and your stuff I know keeps men interested and laughing. Thanks and God Bless!

So our country devalues men; is the answer to solve this problem really to devalue women? The beginning of this article states that we need to push away from the feminist mantra that women don’t need a man. So our reaction is that men don’t no need no women? Men have twice the influence, therefore they’re more important that women?

This is the problem: yes, culture devalues men. But in turn, now we are beginning to devalue women. THAT IS NOT GOING TO SOLVE ANYTHING. When are we going to learn that God created men and women equal and that BOTH are necessary, important, and have influence? This article is just as dangerous as those that claim that men are unnecessary. In fact, this article is just fueling the belief that one sex is better than the other.

Amen! It’s all 110% true. Not only are our men’s relationships with their children critical (both boys and girls), but so even extra critical in the lives of our daughters. Time for women to recognize it and for men to step up!! Come on daddies!! The success of our kids starts at home from the time they are born WITH Daddy in just as an important role as Mommy. We’ve been reading a great new, actually renewed, book. Great for all dads of daughters. We’re loving it, so I have to share… It’s called “She Calls Me Daddy: 7 Things You Need to Know About Building a Complete Daughter,” by Robert Wolgemuth. Originally released in the 90s, it was a best seller. His girls are grown up and give their own input along with their husbands who are daddies to girls. I understand 40% of the book is new material. It’s so unique in this way. Robert puts the anxieties of Daddy raising his girl(s) to rest, guiding you through challenges and good times – protecting, conversation, affection, discipline, laughter, faith, conduct. So great for helping daddies learn to lead, love and cherish. I highly recommend it!