Heard around the West

OREGON

Bobby Henderson
may be 25 years old and in between jobs, but the Oregon
State University physics graduate is the founder and prophet of a
wildly popular new religion. Henderson has it on good authority
that a "Flying Spaghetti Monster" created mankind, along with
everything else from dinosaurs to wombats. Therefore, he says, his
religion deserves equal time in any public school system that takes
up the Christian theory of Intelligent Design. Of course, Henderson
has no proof that a spaghetti monster exists, but then again, he
points out, proof has never been a problem for any religion.
Science itself is suspect, Henderson adds, because "His Noodliness"
messes with the carbon-14 system that dates artifacts: "What our
scientist does not realize is that every time he takes a
measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the
results with His Noodly Appendage." Like his counterparts on the
religious right, Henderson doesn’t flinch from weighing in on
things political, reports The Associated Press. He recently wrote
to the Kansas Board of Education after he heard that it was
considering mandating the teaching of Intelligent Design. Henderson
threatened to sue the board if "Pastafarianism" wasn’t also
taught, along with a third course emphasizing "logical conjecture
based on overwhelming observable science." Some 30 million hits
have been registered in recent months on Henderson’s Web
site, venganza.org. It’s dedicated to the more esoteric
aspects of his church, including the revelation that parishioners
end prayers with the word "ramen."

CALIFORNIA

As the San
Francisco Chronicle succinctly phrased it, "a
Modesto man who thought he had struck a deer was hit by a deer
himself." Robert Brooks was driving near Mount Diablo State Park
when a deer leaped out in front of him. Not sure whether he’d
hit the animal, Brooks pulled over and got out. He was inspecting
the front end of his car when another vehicle approached, and
suddenly, another deer — or perhaps the same one —
jumped into the road. It was hit by the oncoming car and flung
through the air until it struck Brooks, who fell and broke his
ankle. The driver who hit the deer never stopped; the deer died on
the spot.

WASHINGTON

Some
Seattle residents look to the sky in fear as evening
descends. No, it’s not more rain that they dread;
it’s the return of thousands of starlings that have fed all
day and now cluster in the trees. As Fourth Avenue bartender Kelly
Compogne told the Seattle Post-Intelligencer,
the trouble occurs when the flock gets startled. "When
there’s a noise, they get excited and fly away, and when they
get excited, they crap all over the cars." One woman said she came
back to find her red Ford Focus looking "like a Monet painted in
poop." Starlings have plagued many cities, despite attempts to
drive them out that range from poison and loud noises to streamers
hung in trees to simulate predators. Poop aside, some Seattle
residents welcome the wheeling, chirping birds for bringing nature
into the city. Brahim Mahdoubi says he loves looking at the
starlings: "How lucky are we to see that beauty?"

CALIFORNIA

This fall, a bear that may
have been the worst outlaw in California bear history was
shot dead outside a Tahoe City condo. The Reno
Gazette-Journal says the 500-pound bear was believed
responsible for nearly 80 break-ins. The bear was killed outside a
condo complex that it had raided over 11 times in just one week.
Wildlife officers said the real problem was those residents in bear
territory who make garbage and other treats much too available to
hungry bruins.

WYOMING

For
the record, Wyoming Gov. Dave Freudenthal never said that the
Endangered Species Act "is no longer in force and that
the state now considers the wolf as a federal dog unworthy of
protection." The quote has the tang of the feisty governor’s
voice, which was what fooled a reporter recently for the
Los Angeles Times. Julie Cart’s front-page
story included the governor’s purported statement, but alas,
she found out after the story was printed that it came from an
April Fool’s press release distributed by Afton, Wyo.,
outfitter Maury Jones. The Casper Star-Tribune
says this is the second time the tongue-in-cheek story was repeated
as fact. Maybe it’s because Jones picked a combative
headline: "Wyoming governor tells feds to go to hell."

WASHINGTON

The Seattle-based Jones
Soda Co. ballyhooed a brand-new holiday flavor following
the company’s hits for the last two years — turkey and
gravy-flavored soda. The new drink features the flavor of salmon,
or more specifically, smoked salmon. Peter van Stolk, CEO of Jones
Soda, told Reuters that his company’s exotic offerings, such
as green apple, bubblegum and crushed melon, continue to sell well.
But the new salmon drink? Van Stolk admits, "I cannot finish a
bottle, I just can’t."

Betsy Marston is
editor of Writers on the Range, a service of High Country
News in Paonia, Colorado. Tips of Western oddities are
always appreciated and often shared in the column, Heard around the
West.