2:35 pm: Things are really getting excellent: Poison's "Fallen Angel" is illustrating the cautionary tale of a small-town girl who moves to Los Angeles and immediately becomes a whore. The morale of our story? Never go anywhere, and never try anything. Stay home and buy more Poison records.

4:02 p.m.: Driven by hot-blooded lust, Gloria Estefan is crawling into my lap and insisting the rhythm is going to get me (tonight). We'll just see about that, Gloria. You pipe down!

4:48 p.m.: Here is what I am learning from "Our House" by Madness: Never invite ska musicians into your home, because they're all too fucking happy. "Our House" and Eddy Grant's "Electric Avenue" were my favorite songs in fifth grade. Man, I am so glad I got into Mötley Crüe.

Full Klosterman post soon, I promise. Maybe even tonight if I can't make myself do any of the things I actually am supposed to do.