As that Philip Larkin poem goes, "They fuck you up, your mum and dad / They may not mean to, but they do / They lose track of you right around the wrap party for Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen / And then passively watch as you implode your own career."

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OK, that isn't exactly how the poem goes, but the sentiments are the same. After her disastrous, allegedly intoxicated appearance on Dr. Phil, Dina Lohan has confessed to the Daily News that under different circumstances, she might not have let Lindsay Lohan enter the toxic, wacky world of Hollywood before her 11th birthday. But—go figure!—her own mom was a fame-mongering wreck.

I was born into the business. My mother was an entertainer. It was natural. But yes, in the next life, I might not do it.

She defended the serving of alcohol in front of Lindsay during a family dinner on the basis of her 80-year-old Italian American mom wanting a glass of wine. She also claimed that she only went to clubs with Lindsay in the earlier days to "see who the enablers were," and not because she was trying to look young and grool. (I meant to say great, but I said cool, and it came out... grool.) She also reportedly wants a do-over with Dr. Phil to prove "she's not the worst mother in America."

Oh! And a shot of Kim K. and Nicole Richie at 14 in one of those photo booth thingies that seemed SO awesome when you were 14. [Us Weekly]

Thanks to Romeo & Juliet, for years Emma Watson had the idea that love always had to feel like a prison shank lodged in the upper ventricles of your heart. [Mirror UK]

Guh. Here is a new trailer for the CW's Mamie Gummer-starring medical drama Emily Owens, MD, which features the eponymous Emily crying because she's "having a bad day." Cooooool. [Digital Spy]

Kate Hudson says that "Everything's wonderful, everything's really wonderful" at home with Matt Bellamy, and casually refers to him as "[her] love." As in "My love is just insanely, incredibly supportive." Puh-leeze. Maybe, MAYBE that'd be charming coming from the dizzy circa-'60s Goldie Hawn, but here? No. [People]

Fergie told Rachael Ray that every time she gains a few pounds people scream about how she's pregnant. God, everyone sucks. [Us Weekly]

Rod Stewart and his ex-wife Alana are both writing memoirs and compared notes, which seems remarkably civilized for a dude whose lyrics contain a request that a 17 year old he is about to have sex with please "bring your mother too." [Page Six]

John Travolta is joining the post-Middleton celebrity privacy law movement. [Kentucky Post]

Rihanna hit up a strip club and got a lap dance as well as a picture of said lap dance. [Twitter]