Friends Season 1 Episode 21 "The One with the Fake Monica"

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Mother, just once,can we go to lunch......and not talk about what I'm wearingor where my career is going? Or who I'm dating. -Ready for the check? -God, yes. -I'll take it. -No, darling. I said I'll take it. Here, take it. Go. Run. Very sweet. -And on what they pay you-Career. You don't have to worry about me. I'm doing fine. I'm afraid this has been denied. That's impossible. That's all right, dear. Here you go. The One With The Fake MonicaHow'd someone get your card number? No idea. Look how much they spent. You only have to payfor the stuff you bought. Still, it's justsuch reckless spending. When somebody steals......they've already thrown cautionto the wind. Wow, what a geek. They spent $69. 95 on a Wonder Mop. That's me. You see, when I say geek, I meanThe hell with it, you boughta $70 mop, you're a geek. Oh, yuck. Ross, he's doing it again. Marcel, stop humping the lamp. Stop humping. Now, Marcel, comeCome here, Marcel. Oh, no. Not in my room. I'll get him. You've got to do something about that. What? It's just a phase. Well, that's what we said about Joey. You'd think you would bemore understanding. I know. But we're not. Would you all relax? It's not that big a deal. -Marcel, stop it. Marcel. Bad monkey. -What? Let's say my Curious Georgeis no longer curious. You are not stillgoing over that thing. -This woman's living my life. -What? She's living my life,and she's doing it better than me. Look at this. Look. She buys ticketsto plays I wanna see. She shops whereI'm afraid of the salespeople. -She spent $300 on art supplies. -You're not an artist. I might be if I had the supplies. I mean, I could do all this stuff. Only I don't. Oh, Monica, come on. You do cool things. Really? Let's compare, shall we? Oh, it's so late for "shall we." Do I horseback ride in the park? -Do I take classes at the New School? -No. She's got everything I want,and she doesn't have my mother. -How about Joey Paponi? -No, still too ethnic. -My agent wants a more neutral name. -Joey Switzerland? Plus, I think it should be Joe. Joey makes me sound like I'm this big:Which I'm not. Joe, Joe, Joe Stalin? Stalin. Do I know that name? It sounds familiar. Well, it does notring a bell with me. But you're more pluggedinto that show business thing. Joe Stalin. You know, that's pretty good. You might wanna try Joseph. Joseph Stalin. -I think you'd remember that. -Yes. Bye Bye Birdie,starring Joseph Stalin. Joseph Stalin isthe Fiddler on the Roof. Hi. Yes, this is Monica Geller. I'm taking some classes with you,and I was wondering what they were. I've had a recent head injuryand certain numbersBarbecue. Oh, did l? See, there you go. -What are you doing? -All right, great. Great. Thanks a lot. I'm going to tap class. To dance with the womanthat stole your card? To see what she looks like. I'm sure her picture's upat the post office. I should get to see who she is. You're kind of losing it here. This is becoming a weird obsession. This is madness, I tell you. For the love of God, Monica,don't do it. Thank you. -What do you think? -Lots of things. -Which one is she? -May I help you? No, thanks. We'rejust here to observe. You don't observe a dance class. You dance a dance class. Spare shoes are over there. What does she mean? I think she means"You dance a dance class."