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Tuesday, May 15

Golden Rule

I'm not sure if this is expected to be a Mother's Day post… seeing as it was just a few days back….I'm uncertain if I'm suppose to gush about the love I have for my kids, rave about the position in which I couldn't have been luckier to have land it, or the daily rewards that make it so worth the daily struggles.

I haven't read the bi-laws on the proper procedure in the blogosphere lately, but I'm pretty sure last year's Mother's day recap, holds eerily true to this years…. So go head… read up on it.. just subtract the breakfast in bed and add a rainy day… Go ahead now, I'll wait…

Carrying on.

Last night, I sat down at the table around 9:00, resolved with the decision that it wasn't a night to write. My emotions were too muddled to be held inside and too raw to be exposed. I think I thought of having some clarity drove me to pull up Blogger and revel in the therapeutic release of unadulterated writing. For almost an hour, I found myself feverishly punched letters and forming words, nothing short of a full fledged gripe fest.

I covered the audacity of others, my self annoyance when I let it fester longer than I should. I touched on the stubbornness of Josephine, Jekyll & Hyde demeanor of Calvin, or consistent boundary pushing of Wesley. I pointed out the obvious flaws of my parenting and made sure to intentionally skip over the areas I know are my strengths. Trust me when I say, it screamed every bit of melancholy with emphasis on each syllable of the word. I even tried to blame Pandora's selection of play 'Parachute' as a culprit to my state of mind.

To be honest, I felt 1596% better after writing, but even with each words formulated, defusing an inner pressure, I knew it wasn't one to that I would let be published. Other than for my own personal frustrations a bit relieved, there was nothing good that could have came out of it going live, in fact I'm pretty sure a whole hell of a lot of bad would have.

Regardless, it secured my golden rule of 'thou shall not write while letting off steam when emotions run an unruly muck' post publishing rule. Tonight, I can't say my mind is any less muddled, there are areas I'm still wading through, but I'm on safer grounds with my typical 'you're the river, not the rock' mentality, with a whole lot of 'it is, what it is' thrown in for good measure.

{Introducing Mr. Hyde}

So here I sit, feeling guilty I'm as happy as I am that the kids are sleeping, computer in front of me, superhero mask makings to the right, WWF games waiting for my returned play to the left, Pandora is pull through tonight with Amy Winehouse's sultry voice, and a hot glue gun that's politely asking me to do it a courtesy by burning my finger repeatedly on it.

I don't really have any concluding self moral to tonight's post, no brilliant conclusions dawned...sometime people suck, I will never be happy when I let people negatively effect me, Josephine is her mother's daughter, Calvin's spirit is something I would never wish to change, Wesley is leading the way in finding himself, my parenting has many flaws, but strengths will always overshadow.

And I'm thankful for my self implemented rule of gold….
And them… I'm so very very very thankful for them...