Tuesday, 3 May 2016

Take The Kyrptonians Bowling..

I'm a big Supergirl fan, but even I can admit that she's a character that's had way to many incarnations and re-imaginings. Who could forget 'spangly disco headband Supergirl', Sssh I'm secretly pink protoplasmic slime Supergirl' or how about 'refugee from an 80s hair metal video fiery winged angel Supergirl'. Geez, it's enough to give Hawkman a headache.

Anyway, the other day in a bargain bin I stumbled across a version of Supergirl that I hadn't encountered before. The 'Adventure Comics era Supergirl'.

I was pretty excited as I sat down and cracked open Adventure Comics #400. Poor bastard, I had no idea what was to come.

Let's start with, god help us, that costume. Say what you will about tiny crimson mini-skirts, knee-less armoured boots or Britney-style belly tops all of them pale in comparison when stacked up against this wretched blue....this bizarre pleaded....this....*sigh*, I don't know how to describe this freaky fashion oddity, just look at it:

Fash-Hole Of The Week

Oh the humanity!

You still with us? Its difficult, I understand. We comic fans are used to taking these things on the chin. I mean we've lived through Mecha-Daredevil and Iron Man's nose armour -but that thing...yeeccchh!

Let's move this along shall we - to the villains. This issue boasts not one or two but four devious super-criminals trying to destroy the Maiden of Might.

As the cover, which is a little bit awesome, promises we've got the return of the bitter gun-toting Black Flame. Still sore since the last time Supergirl handed her her purple-clad butt, she went out and recruited some help.

First but most definitely least is Toymaster. As his name suggests he's a third rate Toyman knock-off who's infinitely less interesting. He's balding, middle-aged and looks like he only ventures out of his parent's basement to renew his bifocal prescription. Geez!

Then there's the Inventor. Why Black Flame needed both Toymaster and Inventor on her team I don't know. I guess she thought the assets the Inventor brought to the table (a robotic maid armed with a lasso and that ugly brown suit) were somewhat lacking.

Luckily the last member of flames crew L.Finn makes those to slubs almost forgiveable. Y'see he's a leprechaun. Get if L.Finn....and he's a leprechaun? Need I say more?

Top O' The Mornin' To Ya!

Well with super science, advanced robotics, creepy looking telepathically controller toys, Irish magic and lucky charms at their disposal you know these guys will come up with some awesome, creative method for disposing of their spunky blonde nemesis right?

Wrong!

These bozos decide the one sure-fire way to utterly destroy a pesky Kryptonian is to render her unconscious by way of a lasso sprinkled with Kryptonite (thanks robotic maid, your sacrifice will not be in vain) then trap her in a giant bowling alley where Supergirl is one of the pins and the Flame's goons try to make a spare of her with green kryptonite bowling balls:

Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel

Wow, as far as death traps go, that makes the groin laser from James Bond seem like a frickin' masterstroke!

Phew, I don't know about you guys but that's about all I can stomach this time around. After that I think I need some kind of palette cleanser.