Kids! Accept Jesus
Christ as Your Lord and Savior and Get a Free PlayStation 3!

This brand new extended
PlayStation 3 offer is for children and teenagers only! It may not be used
in conjunction with any
other Landover Baptist salvation offer.

Hey
kids! If your Mom and Dad can't get you a PlayStation 3
for Christmas, you can still get one FOR FREE! Have
you ever heard of Jesus Christ? Well, He's heard of you! And
He wants you to have all the cool toys your parents are too
cheap to buy! In fact, the Lord Jesus is very upset with your parents that they
won't give
you all the latest stuff that every kid in America deserves!
And Jesus has got your back, because He is your
homeboy! If you've never heard of
Jesus, He is an invisible cloud-dwelling deity (infinite
lives!) who loves you
very much and wants nothing more than to give you a free PlayStation
3!

We here at Landover Baptist Church work
full-time as servants of Jesus Christ, and He's told us
about you and your predicament. He's also given us special
instructions on how He wants us to deliver a new PlayStation
3 to your house. It's as easy as 1-2-3!
Understand, Jesus cares WAY more about you than your
parents EVER will! They will never love
you as much as Jesus loves you! Always remember that.
If you hate your parents because they can't get you a PlayStation
3 for Christmas, He completely
understands! He is totally down with that! In fact, lucky for you, in order to
follow Him, you are actually required to hate your
parents!

"If any man
come to me, and hate not his father, and mother...he cannot
be my disciple."- The Lord
Jesus Christ(Luke 14:26)

Pretty cool, huh? So, if you hate your
parents, you are already halfway to becoming a True
Christian™! Congratulations!

Here is
what you need to do to get your free Play Station 3:

1. Tell Jesus
that you hate your parents, and that you'd rather have
Him for your Daddy. Ask Him to forgive your
sins, and cover you with His blood (you'll see plenty
of that splattered across your TV when you play your
complimentary Grand Theft Auto 3 game!).

2.
Find one
of your Mom or Dad's credit cards (a blank check is
even better!)

3. Call our
church office and we will provide you with simple
instructions on how to use your parents' credit card
to charge a love offering over the phone. Don't worry
if you can't find a credit card. We can teach
you how to use one of your daddy's checks to do an
automatic draft withdrawal (which will get you free
shipping and an extra game disk!)

Please
note: If your parents ask you where you
got your new PlayStation 3, just tell them that your Lord
and Savior, Jesus Christ, delivered it to you via the U.S.
Postal Service in exchange for your soul.

Still NOT SURE?
Here's More:

Landover Baptist's PlayStation 3 comes
with a complimentary modified version of the popular PS2
disk, Tony Hawk's Underground. You can upload Jesus' face
into the game and automatically unlock all of the cheat
codes to "God Mode," so that Jesus can win every
single level and perform incredible grab-tricks, spins,
flips and stunts!

As a new Christian, you will want to share
the good news of Jesus Christ with as many of your
"peeps in the hood" as you can. The great
thing about Tony Hawk's Underground is that you can actually
get off of your skateboard and walk around in the game and
talk to other skaters about the Plan
of Salvation! And if they don't accept Jesus as their
Personal Savior, you can kill them later. How cool is that!?

In addition, if you are interested in
Christian computer games, Landover Baptist children use
Bible-based-maps and characters in Unreal
Tournament as part of their Christian Soldier training
to help Jesus slaughter sinners in the final battle of
Armageddon (which God willing, will happen during President
George W. Bush's second term).