Preamble: This acerbic parody draws inspiration from the statements of various public figures in both Russia and Novorossiya, many of them self-styled advocates of the Kremlin’s point of view and proponents of Minsk negotiations and the various painfully ridiculous geopolitical stratagems that have been collectively designated as the “cunning plan.” Many of the quotations from statements made by these opportunists are used almost verbatim, with appropriate substitutions, where necessary, of Germany for Ukraine, Ostland Reichskomissariat for the DPR and the LPR, and so forth. Understanding how preposterous statements like these would have sounded coming from the victors of the Great Patriotic War, the people who defeated the scourge of fascism in Europe, should jolt many into understanding some of the troubling aspects of the passive Russian policies in relation to the war in Ukraine and the failure of the government to explain its motivations.

Zhukov: “There is no need to liberate Kharkov because most Kharkovites support the European vector of development.”

Stalin: “The movement of German troops toward Moscow is movement in the right direction.”

Zhdanov: “I am optimistic about the Law of Special Regime of Local Self-Governance in certain areas of the Ostland Reichskomissariat.”

Representative of the NKVD: “Everyone who demands that we fight until all the German troops are expelled from the territory of the USSR is a secret agent of the Gestapo.”

Expert of the Moscow State University, Department of Marxism-Leninism: “Since we are not seeing mass protests against German policies in Ukraine, it can be said that the majority of Ukrainians support the course toward euro-integration.”

Sidor Kovpak: “My attitude toward Bandera and Shukhevich is neutral.”

Narkomfin Expert: “The restoration of the western part of the USSR in the event it is liberated would require financial investments prohibitive for the Soviet economy.”

Kalinin, Chairman of the Presidium of the Supreme Soviet of the USSR: “We must establish inclusive dialogue with the German side.”

Central Committee of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union: “Opinion polls demonstrate that the majority of Soviet citizens consider the liberation of Belarus unnecessary—if Byelorussians were unhappy with the policies of the occupation authorities, they would have liberated themselves.”

USSR GosTeleRadio, Channel One: “The retreat of Soviet troops from Leningrad will allow us to avoid mass starvation among the population during the winter period.”

History Expert: “Twenty years ago, Ukrainians betrayed Russia, fighting under the banners of Makhno and Petlyura, and that is why it is simply foolish to sacrifice Russian soldiers to liberate these traitors from the Germans.”

Jurist: “The people’s militia cannot be sent to defend Moscow because its structure has not been institutionally formulated.”

Marshall Govorov: “The creation of a buffer zone along the line of contact between the Red Army and the Wehrmacht in the Moscow area would facilitate the de-escalation of the Soviet-German conflict. That is why it is critical for us to withdraw our artillery deep into the territory under our control.”

Chairman of the Council of People’s Commissars, V. Molotov: “We are using all the diplomatic methods available to us to bring about a speedy resolution to the conflict and the implementation of inclusive dialogue between the warring parties.”

Zhdanov: “The Third Reich will have to reckon with the opinion of the people of Leningrad, whether it likes to or not. No political or legal tricks will work here. No acts of the Reichstag adopted unilaterally without coordination with Smolny will have power on the territory of Leningrad.”

Stalin: “We believe that the legal status of the Ostland Reichskomissariat, which our Führer enacted, is the recognition of our independence.”

Stalin: “We are ready to begin a constructive dialogue about disarmament with our partners in Berlin, but it must be based on the rejection of the politics of double standards and on full compliance with the norms of international law.”

Political officer Vasily Klochkov: “All these alcoholics who are trying to defend some sort of “ussr” (by the way, what is it?) must be eliminated like rabid dogs, because they are agents of the Gestapo.”

Zhukov: “Next week, the Joint Centre for Coordination and Control over the cessation of fire will discuss the creation of demilitarized zones in Leningrad, Novorossiysk and Krasnaya Polyana.”

Molotov: “The territory of the Ostland Reichskomissariat is a region for dialogue: interactions should be apolitical and conducted by experts—it is impermissible to hold cooperation with our valued partners in this area hostage to disagreements in other spheres of activity.”

Stalin: “We urge our valued partners in Berlin to exercise influence on the rogue battalions of the Russian Liberation Army that do not respect the ceasefire and shell our cities, killing peaceful civilians.”

Malinovskiy: “The meeting with our valued partners from the Contact Group tasked with settling the situation in the Ostland Reichskomissariat is taking place in a friendly atmosphere.”

Beria: “Since Govorov served in Kolchak’s army twenty years ago, it is clear that he is a secret enemy of the Soviet authorities and is preparing an anti-Soviet mutiny. This has been confirmed by our valued German partners.”

Stalin: “According to opinion polls, 98% of Soviet citizens desire for the Soviet Union to be integrated into the Great Germany as the Ostland Reichskomissariat.”

Political Expert of the Central Committee of the All-Union Communist Party of the Bolsheviks: “Marshall Patton is an effective head of state. He did not surrender France. You simply understand nothing about geopolitics. Hitler has already lost to Patton and is trying to find a way to capitulate.”

Beria: “The special status of Leningrad as part of the Ostland Reichskomissariat is an acceptable resolution to the crisis that gave rise to its blockade, and we will use all the levers of influence available to us to ensure that Comrade Zhdanov fully implements these agreements.”

Head of the Sanitary-Epidemiological Service of the Leningrad region: “Since we do not have the ability to maintain effective control over the foodstuffs coming into the region, we have been forced to restrict the transit flow of food products along the Road of Life in order to maintain a favorable sanitary and epidemiological situation in the area.”

Marshall Dovator: “We express our deep concern about the fact that our German partners are ignoring direct negotiation contacts with the partisans of Smolensk.”

Molotov: “The Byelorussian Soviet Socialist Republic must remain as part of the Third Reich.”

Molotov: “Hitler is an acceptable partner for dialogue—he is a great Führer and we must give him our support.”

Kalinin: “If our fate is to be a part of the German Reich, then we are prepared to stand for elections to the Reichstag.”

Molotov: “We are not planning to liberate Kharkov or Odessa, because this must not be done ahead of time—not until these regions give birth to their own political elites capable of leading the liberation movement. We cannot impose liberation on the local citizens of the Reich if they do not want it.”

Beria: “Germany is not a fascist state.”

Beria: “Our principal enemies are the 99% of the so-called patriots, and our chief goal is to lead a struggle against them to ensure that they do not interfere with our valued partners in Berlin.”

Molotov: “In the interests of peace, the Soviet Union has always been prepared to become a part of the Great Germany as the Ostland Reichskomissariat.”

An interesting commentary with respect to the above parody:

In reality, we can say all we want that correct policies are being implemented, that there are some kind of wise calculations, that we need balance and flexibility, and so forth. Perhaps this is even true. We really do not know everything. But the trouble is that people are already starting to laugh at this state of affairs.

It is possible to call everyone “Putin-surrenderers,” but it would not have a practical effect—instead, it is likely to lead to the opposite result. The authorities cannot afford to look ridiculous, but people are already laughing at them. This is a real problem. Solving it is only possible with a real explanation of the strange appeasement of the Nazi Junta in Kiev, rather than pathetic fictions in the style of “we do not want to be drawn into a war.” When they want to draw us into a war, they will—this much is clear.

Fair enough, let’s say that the reasons for the passivity of the policies toward Ukraine and the pandering to the Nazis are so secret and the plan is so subtle and cunning that it cannot be disclosed. But then it is imperative to formulate some kind of convincing arguments for the “Putin-surrenderes.” Otherwise they will continue to multiply in numbers.

Because we will, in fact, inevitably be drawn into a war, and, moreover, when the enemy is ready to the max, the undermining of confidence in the Supreme Commander is exceedingly dangerous. In the place of the Kremlin propagandists, I would have given this serious thought and changed the broken record.

The most rational point is, as usual, at the very end. The propaganda in connection with Minsk-2 has become frankly ludicrous and ridiculous and, in fact, breeds depressive and defeatist sentiments in the context of an ongoing war. Propaganda does not work in the manner in which these “cunning plans” are being presented to the society. As correctly noted by the author of the commentary, the single worst development for any propaganda is when it becomes the subject of ridicule. Here the issue is not even the content of the nontransparent state policies, which, understandably, always contain a significant element of state or even military secrets, but in the methodology of the propaganda, which does not meet the basic requirements of camouflage for foreign policy and looks frankly hopeless and ludicrous.

When, for instance, day after day leaders make promises to march on Kiev, and then, the following day—proposals to become part of Ukraine, it is difficult to understand what other reaction the propagandists of the Minsk agreements could expect. This could have worked for a month or two, but when this line is being pushed endlessly, the inevitable outcome is a complete lack of understanding of what is happening and defeatist sentiments. This is very similar to the approach in the late Soviet period, when people were overfed with monotonous propaganda à-la “it will work out on its own.” Propaganda became detached from reality and turned ridiculous.

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18 thoughts on “Briefings of the Soviet Informburo, 1942”

The US have imposed a nazi regime in Ukraine as per Obama via Pyatt and Nuland. On the one hand we have “Russian” military style operation in Crimea, but we pretty much know that the Crimean Parliament had a hand in it. This suggests that Crimea who recognized Yanukovich were just in need of an excuse to break away from the nazi Ukraine. The Ukrainian government when they could make their mind up who was in charge, decided to change the legislature regarding Russian ethnicity to cleanse Ukraine of them, even though the lawmakers said they couldn’t. Then we have the Maidan protests which were probably instigated by well placed and well trained insurrectionists – again likely paid for by the CIA. We had the horror of seeing nazi regiments massacre pamphleteers and other protesters in Odessa. Next, after many years of being ethnically cleansed, we have the novorossiya declaring dissatisfaction and getting murdered by the Ukraine forces. The US convinces the EU to sanction Russia illegally for the “attack” in Crimea – although no source has yet said categorically they were sent by Putin. Russia sends food and humanitarian aid to the Donbass but it is halted by Kiev forces. 1.8 million Donbass citizens flee to Russia, who takes them in. Russian sympathisers help the Donbass fend off Kiev and NATO starts shelling Donetsk indiscriminately and the US all the while shouting “Russian Aggression” and the EU give an encore. Then we have the Minsk 1 peace agreement which NATO and Kiev defy. Then we have the Minsk 2 initiative which Kiev says the DPR broke across a wide area and Porkyshenko says it was just a small incident. Meanwhile the humanitarian crisis is worsening for the Donbass. Russia does not want to annexe the Donbass and the Donbass wants a republic with self determination. The G7 takes place ostensibly to talk about climate change, they don’t do a lot about this subject but they have a good Putin bashing session with no mention of the worsening of the humanitarian crisis. We have the DPR bitching because Russia won’t send in troops and weapons thereby landing themselves in very hot water and two DPR defectors announce for all to hear that Kiev is ruled by the US. It started with the US and pretty much ends with the US except they have plausible deniability. What a joke. Perhaps if the EU sheeple actually had the information they might also be laughing at this conundrum. They are pawns in a game of chess in which the stakes are high. The US wants to limit Russia’s economy and instigates a conflagration in the east to cover up it’s tracks and take the opportunity to point out Russian aggression and why the countries involved must buy and deploy US weaponry. It would be a joke if not for the real tragedy of human loss of life.

“This suggests that Crimea who recognized Yanukovich were just in need of an excuse to break away from the nazi Ukraine.”

First of all The Crimea was an autonomous Republic within The Ukraine.
Secondly The Crimea belongs to Russia since her annexation in 1783 by Empress Catherine.
Thirdly The Crimea was not annexed in 2014 by Russia. That is just wishful thinking of Washington and her European Muppets. For if it was an annexation the UNO herself had to declare war against the Russian Federation according to the UN’s statutes and the International Law of Nations.

The Crimea was not “in need of an excuse to break away” for she never belonged to The Ukraine. Anyway, the NAZI-Putsch in The Ukraine that led to a Fascist Regime was “political” the best that could happen to The Crimea for it justifies The Crimea not only to be autonomous but to declare her independence and become a Legal Sovereign Nation according to the International Law of Nations.

Try telling that to the UK press. You put it in a way that has been denied by virtually all the UK press media. Mind if I share, since you put it so much better. Please note, my interpretation was a means of justifying the “Russian aggression” angle here in the UK and they will not accept the fact that Crimea had a right to self determination as agreed by the Paris Accords which the EU has completely thrown out the window. Since Poroshenko has publicly denounced the Ukraine coup it did indeed give Crimea legal imperative to appoint their own PM – since Yats was not legally the UK PM. Thanks for input.

jauhuchanam राम अवत कृष्ण יוחנן אליהו said: 8. Juni 2015 um 18:43 “the US-Empire had especially after the murder of Stalin the same objective as Hitler before: the fragmentation, annihilation and occupation of the USSR …”
… this goal has been never abandoned
Even so the USSR does not longer exist, the war of the Nazi-Junta [which installed a Fascist Dictatorship in the Ukraine after the Putsch in 2014] against the two Republics Donesk and Lugansk shows that the preparations for another invasion of Russia is now in Phase II.

Reblogged this on Muss MANN wissen and commented:
jauhuchanam राम अवत कृष्ण יוחנן אליהו said: 8. Juni 2015 um 18:43 “the US-Empire had especially after the murder of Stalin the same objective as Hitler before: the fragmentation, annihilation and occupation of the USSR …”
… this goal has been never abandoned
Even so the USSR does not longer exist, the war of the Nazi-Junta [which installed a Fascist Dictatorship in the Ukraine after the Putsch in 2014] against the two Republics Donesk and Lugansk shows that the preparations for another invasion of Russia is now in Phase II.

I’m not so sure that everything is going according to plan.At the G7 summit there was plenty Putin bashing but the US could not push the EU any further than postulating on the fringes of Russian Territory. The US have tried to stop the southern pipeline of Gazprom, first threatening Bulgaria into withdrawing from the deal, then in Serbia where the pipeline joins Hungary’s border, then Macedonia and finally by backing Ergon’s opposition to stop the Turkey deal going through. Russia now has revitalised it’s Vietnam ties and has the deep water access for subs and the Viets have a massive billion dollar deal for ships and subs etc. China may well decide to partner with Russia in direct opposition to the US and India is certainly considering both the prospects of the Chinese gold based bank and the Russian gas project. Even Israel has expressed an interest in the Chinese AIIB. Vietnam may have been at odds with regard the Islands China is building on, but China may be willing to do a deal with them. Iran of course has the protection of Russia and if China and Russia ever do get together to form an alliance Afghanistan and the ridding of the Taliban is the next logical step. That is always assuming that Hezbollah the Arab Syrian Army(Assad’s) and the JTF do not decide to retake Syria and stick the finger up to the US, with a little help from the Russian Air force. The US could hardly complain if the IS were routed from Syria and peace was restored.

I do not look to all those tactics and “minor” details of war but to the strategy. And the powers behind that war have not just recently started to prepare or plan for it. It is old very old (in terms of the lifespan of a human). And what seems to be “accidents” that WWI. and WWII. happened where all planned ahead and were just small episodes in The Scramble for the Hegemony of the World … and the great trading-organisation behind is already 1.415 years in business. “We know nothing, we might see a glimpse” BUT I AM SURE that everything is going according to plan. If you would be my friend, would you encircle my country with Millions of Troops and Weapons of Mass Destruction ??? But if you do so, than you are not my friend but my enemy who wants to destroy me.

The ‘pro-casualties’ line of the anti-Minsk group has been proven incorrect.

Two massive surveys of public opinion by Ukrainian sociological research institutes have found that a strong majority of Ukrainians believe ending the warfare in the south-east is the first national priority, topping the economy, at whatever cost it takes, EXCEPT for de jure abandoning of titular possession of the territory. Concessions that received approval include the Donbass republics retaining their armed forces.

Whatever the outcome, the existence of this sentiment among a majority of Ukrainian citizens means the pursuit of a compromise in the interest of saving tens of thousands of lives was the correct line, and was adopted by the adults at the table.

The first cut of hay is baled, the winter wheat and barley will be in the barns in a fortnight, the Donbass will be self-sufficient in food, ten new tank companies are trained, thousands of soldiers are trained, upgraded in their training, or formed into spetnaz units — anyone who thinks the UAF benefits more than the L/DNR armed forces from a ceasefire weren’t paying attention last autumn, when the militias used the ceasefire to transform themselves into one of the better armies in Europe, going up against the same old stumblebums.

Maybe that’s unfair — those stumblebums are among the people who answered the surveys. Perhaps they’d do better if they were fighting an enemy.

I can see this article touched a raw nerve among those who think like you. For that reason alone, I am delighted that it was published. Next time, citations to studies and surveys would be helpful if you hope to make a comprehensive argument. Without responding in detail to your statements (I already do that daily on Twitter), I will just say that a ceasefire or a peace agreement or a settlement or reintegration plan that allows for daily murder of the very people it was meant to save is nothing short of a failure.

As I said many times before, Putin is not Stalin and Russia is not the Soviet Union of 1940, with a huge industrialization plan that already in 1940 surpassed German GDP.

From the economic and financial point of view, where the real battles are fought, Russia is nothing. After 34 years of Russia mafia-capitalism, the GDP per capita of Russia is only 30% of USA, in 1985 Soviet GDP per capita was around 45% of USA.

Now we can see clearly how Putin and his oligarchs are only playing chicken with NATO, improvising and running-begging for China help, who is the real heavyweight challenger for world power.

One important point that is likely to be ignored in this is that the Russian authorities do not seem coherent, and perhaps not even competent. For the sake of the argument, let us say that not intervening was the right policy. Fine, but what about everything else? What are we to make of the leadership of the LNR and DNR, both civilian and military? How much progress has been made in stabilizing the lives of people in the rebel zone? And why such contradictory statements and policies all the time? Is the goal to cause Kiev to collapse or to prop it up? Is the goal to encourage young men to flee to Russia or to kick them out? Who is making the policies? All this makes Putin look weak or out of touch. A few months of this would have been OK or understandable, but it is over a year. It seems pathetic when you get Kremlin-friendly sources speculating about creating a government-in-exile. This had to be done back at the beginning, when Yanukovich was the legitimate president, and in Russian hands. Once you recognize Poroshenko and a year has passed, this looks weak and absurd. Terrible propaganda or political maneuvering.

Another troubling element in all this is that it is easy to get the feeling that elements within the Kremlin are fighting. When you see the ugly circus around Strelkov and people like Starikov or Borodai, one gets the feeling that one faction sent and supported Strelkov, and one branch wanted to kill him and his supporters to make it possible to get the kind of deal they wanted. And that is why it looks like you have absolute traitors in the Donbass and a perhaps incoherent policy. Those who say that Putin is kind of an arbiter for the Russian elite, and not an authoritarian figure, would then argue that Putin can’t really make many moves in this case.

One wonders if the only reason Russia did what it did in the Crimean is because it was a crisis environment, and there was no time for the oligarchs and pro-Westerners to get organized. So the Russian military and intel guys could do their work without being strangled by Gazprom and the financial sector.

The LPR and DPR. What else did you think I was talking about? It gets tedious to repeat that over and over. The point is the part of the LPR and DPR that the NAF controls.

Furthermore, so what? I want the Anglo-Zionist Empire to end, and get zero money from those criminals. How about you? Why would you care about such a minor point? I think they should be proud to call themselves rebels. They are rebelling against a criminal and fascist regime. Is “rebel” a dirty word to you?

What does seem to be going on all over the Russian blogosphere these days is people standing up for the oligarchical or establishment perspective. So they want to distract from the obvious fact that Minsk could only work if the major cities in the LPR and DPR are not shelled daily. Instead of admitting a mistake or weak point or misjudgement in their approach, they want to attack those who point this out. It is craven and unseemly. If the whole point of the Kremlin’s approach is to stall for time, it is rational. But don’t deny it, and don’t pretend there aren’t civilians getting killed every day. And don’t pay people to distract and deflect away from reality, either.

Yes, indeed in the case of the LPR and DPR it is! For the LPR and DPR are sovereign nations, defended by LEGAL defenders and not illegal rebels!

The International Law of Nations is not just a minor issue. For if the legal defenders would be illegal “rebels” they would be neither under the protection of the Hague Conventions nor protected by the Geneva Conventions. Those two Conventions are not a mere joke especially when the Nazi-Junta and the Members of the Fascist Regime are overthrown and put to Justice for all the War-Crimes and Crimes against Humanity they have already committed. To call the legal defenders “rebels” is just what Washington, the EU and NATO want: to give the impression that they are outlaws and terrorists with no rights!

— Yes, colloquial speaking they are “rebels” and emotional I am even proud of those “rebels” that they had and have the guts to sacrifice even their own blood and life for their freedom and the independence of the newly founded nations! While we are just paper pushers in front of a screen to offer our super cool wisdom.

Putin is as I have witnessed a calm and reserved man. He is a centrist but a pragmatist with loyalty to his citizens. The Novorussyans have never wanted to return to Russia’s umbrella but indeed want to be free of the nazi regime that now serves Ukraine – the US government if not the people. The US would very much have liked Putin to react to the many attempts made to goad him, their efforts at prodding the Russian Bear have proved fruitless. Nevertheless, still he and his country are regularly referred to as the “Russian aggression” which more than a year ago was easy to swallow, now though, it is perceived more and more for the lie that it is. The reason – there has been no Russian aggression, or support other than vital food, water and medical aid which the Kiev regime stopped – and which was noted by the west. The EU leaders so keen to bask in the glory of US “empty promises” which is what they will surely be, do not represent their countries electorate anymore than David Cameron represents anything like the 24% he actually got into power with. Putin may be viewed by some as doing nothing to help the Donbass, while that may seem to be the case, he has served them better by remaining resolute in his pleading to the western and worldwide nations for an end to the hostilities, since they have made it quite clear any intervention on his part will be perceived as an act of war. Now also, the people in the UK see the Donbass citizens less as militants and more as victims of a vile nazi military, we watch, and wait, and pray that the more obvious nature of this war will have an effect eventually on the greedy corporate leaders of the EU and will end with demands of Ukraine to stop the war. Hopefully the Ukraine will realize that the Donbass is lost irrevocably to them and save face by offering them a federal option or semi-autonomous state.

is understandable the sadness that u people live with that criminal war in southland, im not putin’s fan, but please…. u make’em look so stupids, are they really¿¿ Dont know the reazons kremlin have, but i certainly hope that rusia wakes up and conkers USA territory, thats the best for all our planet