Thursday, March 14, 2013

Blessed Again

As a few of you know and many more don't, a few weeks ago Sam and I found out that we are pregnant! Trust me, we were just as surprised if not more so than you are! Honestly, it took us a good 24 hours with both us and some close friends praying consistently before we were finally more excited than scared. I'm only about 10 weeks along, and I know some of you are wondering why I'm telling people already since we aren't even out of the first trimester, but to me there isn't a "safe point" anymore. Aubrey was proof that unexpected events can happen at any stage. Besides, we need all the prayer we can get to help us find courage, strength, and joy throughout this journey. All I want is a happy, healthy, LIVING baby.

I would like to say that I'm now just excited, but I can't. A pregnancy following a stillbirth is a scary thing, especially when your last pregnancy was absolutely perfect until it wasn't. So far, my doctor has been great and I know he will continue to be! I've been going in for visits every couple of weeks and so far have gotten an ultrasound everytime (although I know those will slow down a little in the future). I did have low pregesterone levels during my first round of blood work, but I am on a supplement for that throughout the first trimester and everything seems to be fine. Around 18 weeks, I will be referred to a high risk specialist in Oklahoma City because any pregnancy following a stillbirth is technnically considered high risk even though what happened to Aubrey was neither a genetic disorder nor preventable. Oh well, with a "high risk" pregnancy comes extra visits and ultrasounds, so I'll take it.

Please don't say, "I told you, just adopt and you'll get pregnant." That makes it sound like we adopted to help us get pregnant which couldn't be further from the truth. We've always wanted to adopt. In fact, we've already talked about when we might adopt again after the pregnancy. Joseph was meant to be a part of our family. I think part of the reason we got him first is because God knew I needed him to help occupy my mind if I was going to go through another pregnancy.

The truth is, I'm still really scared. I will probably be worried about the outcome for the entire pregnency. ﻿The truth is, I feel guilty when I think about my other friends who suffer from infertility who have never had the opportunity to be pregnant. The truth is, I worry about how having this baby while Joseph is still so young will effect him. Although, when I think about it, I truly think Joseph will be a great big brother!

About Me

You might be wondering where my blog title came from. Well, let me tell you... after losing our daughter, Aubrey, I told my husband that I would miss getting to kiss her goodnight. We decided that instead of giving each other one kiss, we could now give each other a kiss for Aubrey too. I love our little routine which has now grown to include bedtime, morning, departures, and any other time we feel like it. I wish that kisses didn't have to come in twos, but I'm glad that I have a great guy to share them with.