Tuesday, 2 May 2017

Why I Want You To Stop Talking To Me About Dieting

Because I'm selfish.

People often talk about triggers. Like, for instance, what triggers their mental wellbeing or quite literally what ticks them off. For me, dieting is something that has taken over my mind, body and soul. Not being on a diet itself, though, but the general 'diet talk'. It's harmless. My friends, family and I discuss what diet we are trying out all the time, or how much weight they have lost recently. It's fine, it is such a popular topic that so many want to acknowledge. However, I have come to the realisation that all this 'diet talk' really isn't helping me or my diet.

I'm not saying it's wrong. It's perfectly acceptable if you would like to mention your weight loss or other fitness achievements. But from now on, I don't wanna talk about it.Is it just me, or is it literally the ONLY thing people want to talk about? It is the last thing I want to give attention to. I have struggled this past year, and while I only have myself to blame, my body has gone to hell and back after years of mistreatment. Not only did I spend an enormous amount of that time upping my anti-depressant dosage, and overtaking or undertaking them, I was also abusing other drugs.Not the illegal kind. I'm not that kinda girl. I was overdosing on paracetamol every day without even realising so. Every morning I would wake up, and before I opened my eyes, I would take my morning paracetamol. In fear of becoming ill that day if I didn't. I would continue to carry on taking them every four hours. Every. day. I then had to come off of the contraceptive pill I had taken religiously since I was 14, due to being rushed to hospital from loss of vision and heart palpitations. The doctor feared I had a mini-stroke, and I was then tested for brain tumours, and my blood pressure was through the roof.

Now while this is not relevant to my diet journey, it has affected my body in many ways. To the point where I have been unable to lose weight due to a hormone imbalance. The food intake was my fault, though. Comfort eating has always been a struggle of mine. Food makes me happy, okay? I have myself to blame for the extra three stone I am carrying. My friends and family are not discussing it to upset me, I know that. But it honestly bothers me massively.I don't want to be reminded of my failures and disappointments.Why is everything about losing weight for summer? Or 'I'll buy that dress when I have lost the weight.' It makes me feel like I have to announce myself everytime I walk into the room like:'Hey, I'm Shannon, and I am the fattest in the room.' Just so I don't feel as though people are judging me. They're not, of course, but that's just the way my messed up mind works. I belittle, insult and treat myself like shit just so no one else can. All this diet talk makes me spiral into a pit of despair. I am not even kidding. Peers will try and 'help' by suggesting different meal plans and ask me questions like: Are you sure you are following it correctly? What if you include more exercise? I lost four pounds this week so you can easily do the same.Like I said, it is harmless. But not to me.Stop suggesting. Unless I ask. Stop comparing our bodies because they are more than different. Everyone is different. Please don't get me wrong, I am more than happy to discuss our healthy lifestyles, but only if I bring it up or actually ask you for advice. For now, weight loss is going to become something I keep quiet about.

This post may sound so passive aggressive, perhaps I sound jealous or angry, I don't mean it. I am just sick of all this 'diet talk.'xoxo