In my life time, my long, long life time of 30-odd years, there has been many a boy, nay, a man, that I have had a large, unrequited crush on. And no, I do not care how frequently and improperly I used commas in that last sentence. I love the comma.

Moving on.

It would seem that, over the years, these "men" seem to crawl out of the woodwork. The key ingredient in this frustrating recipe for disaster, is the fact that these "men" only crawl out when I am in a serious relationship with a real man. (As opposed to those imaginary men from ages 17-19 and 22-24).

It has happened without fail in every serious relationship I have been in, that these "manchildren" seem to appear out of nowhere, profess their previously concealed crush/fancying of me/undying love (I don't think "fancying" is a word, is it?) and leave me scratching my head as to why this was never made apparent when I, too, was hot to trot for said manchild.

In high school, my heart was always aflutter for two particular Brandons. The first was my first love. The other was smokin' hot and I think every girl in school though he was the shizz-nat. For privacy's sake, let's call the 8-pack wielding droolfest "Brandon McSlavish". That should maintain his anonymity. Or not.

Said Brandon and I somehow re-connected after college via the wondrous newest chat tool at the time (take your pick, Google chat, MSN Messenger, or... wait for it...go way back... the flower power that revolutionized the internet for me and increased the number of words I could type per minute, ICQ).

Ahhh, how those little flower petals would set my heart aflutter.

He said he had always thought I was cute, had liked me, thought I didn't want to talk to him, joked that I was a snob (yes, because a younger girl with self esteem issues would clearly approach and ask out a drool-fest 8-pack... and, well, you get the picture).

And this scenario has played out time and time again in my life. The "ones I had no guts to ask out" "ones I crushed on hardcore but never tried to talk to" "ones I totally would have emailed or texted as rejection is easier to face that way, except that shit didn't exist at the time" "ones who got away" didn't really get away... they just then seemed to pop up at inopportune times enough to be a pain in my ass later on in my life. It was usually only AFTER I indicated I was not single (which would usually be within the first four sentences of contact) that their secret like/lust/love would be mentioned and I would be left scratching my head.

Was it legitimate? Were they just having me on?

This list included exes who made contact once again that I had pined over for some time after the break up.

But, of course, I was happy and complete in my existing relationship, but it was just enough of a "that ship has sailed, but seriously? Reeeally? Seriously? Now? WTF?" to be frustrating as hell.

When I was single? No emails. No chats. No professions of love from the depths of 1997. Just me, on Hot or Not, trying to find the love of my life (and I look back wondering why I dated so many douchebags... good lord).

But as.soon.as.I.was.off.the.market, these menchildren would make the presence known, fluff their plume of feathers, indicate the grass was greener on the other side, and then disappear into oblivion once more.

Now I have the benefit of some time and some wisdom on my side. At this stage in my life, I can thankfully say that I don't long for past love. BF is pretty damn amazing, and I am thankful every day that we made the connection we did and that we continue to love each other and laugh together.

It is interesting, though, that Facebook is an entirely new platform from which these dudes could jump up from the past from. My best guess would be that most of them are married with 8 kids (hey, I come from a small town, I barely made it out alive/without 6 kids/by the skin of my nose/the nose that my own cousin pierced/in a tattoo shop he defaulted on, owed lots of money and made a few important people mad/which left a scar...)

So, you know, ghetto fabulous, people. So fuck heck yeah me!

I hope that any connections on Facebook now are just to be friends, but I am weary of the "guy who wants to 'catch up'" for all the wrong reasons.

Maybe I am just being high on myself ('cause you guys all know I do that ALL the time).

Just for the record, I went to Hot or Not, and damned if I didn't stay and rate people for 20 minutes. I think I have mild ADD. Also? I uploaded my banana guns photo, and if that shit gets approved, you bet yer butt I am posting it up here. [EDIT: I have followed through, my friends. Hence the image at the top of this post])

No one ever gets a rating of less than a 7 from me - seems unneccesarily mean. I mean, who cares, overrate, make someone's day. Or, better yet, get a life and don't go trolling Hot or Not at 1am on a Saturday night for blog "research purposes".

Any one else have this experience? The boy thing, not the Hot or Not thing?

19 comments:

Yes, this seems to happen to me as well. Although the guys are grown men and not man-children. If there is a way, they always seems to come back and want to reconnect or profess their undying love. By then I am of course effing over that ever happening. Rather interesting and yet somehow bizarre...

Happens to me all the time. Not that I'm hot or generally awesome, because I'm not, but apparently there's something about me that, when people notice I have a boyfriend/general love interest suddenly they want me baaaaad. Forbidden fruit and all that, I guess. Once you can't have it you don't want it anymore.

*The Empress - i suppose they are "men", but some of them I have known for a long time, so I remember them in their late teens, hence "manchild". It's so odd...

*AmberLaShell - i'm glad youhaven't had to go through the bullshizz. Maybe you were always the heartbreaker and never looked back ;-). If so - ya you!

*The Lady's Lounge - OhMayGoodness peoples, go read this post. It's like I copied her (but didn't) and your use of the strikethrough is fantastical (I made a new word). I am not so alone out there. Thanks for stopping by and commenting, fellow SITS girl.

*Yandie, Goddess of Pickles - glad to hear they are exes. That's all they deserve... douchebags!

*jess - hey now girl, don't get me wrong, I am full of the dweeb. I don't think it is dweeb-related. You are just a lucky girl.

*Andrea - turn and walk, no - run, as far far away as you can. That spells trouble and you deserve more than that!! Thanks for commenting. :-)

*Sarah Elizabeth - that's just it. Forbidden fruit, we must emit some irresistible pheromone through the internet that just screams "WANT ME"... I just wish it wasn't so. Seriously check out The Lady's Lounge post, it's great.

Jacob's Mommy - i did date 3 or 4 dudes from that site... 2 were long-term-ish. But BF came from the wondrous Lavalife. But good for you! Glad you found wonderful-ness there. And that you have the cajones to admit it. ;-)

*Barb the French Bean - you just wait. In a year, when you have found another, said guy will profess that he really wanted to be with you. I swear. And I STILL can't figure out how to comment on your blog, Andrea's blog, Vicki's blog, and a few others. My comments just disappear...

well i can say this has never happen to me as men neither found me attrative as as a teenager nor now as an adult. I still sometimes wonder why my hubby even married me but that's another story as for men i can't have i alway seemto crush on celebrities ro gay men. not really sure what that says about me other then proving the fact i'm just plan ole weird

*George Wells - just another reason for me to like you even more, George! Thanks!

*Amy - and it is not unrequited. lol. <3

*becca - you are being much too harsh, my dear, and it must be bad if I'M saying that! Celebs and gay men usually take the best care of themselves (sorry straight guys, but it is often true), so it makes sense you'd be attracted to them. And perhaps the whole "unattainable" concept like we're talking about. S'all good.