Regrets and Yoga Pants: How To Enjoy Being a Stay At Home Mom

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How to Enjoy Being a Stay at Home Mom

Being a stay at home mom was not something I envisioned for myself. I always wanted to be a mom, just not necessarily a stay at home mom. My education and career were too important for me to just throw away being a stay at home mom. Upon graduating with a B.S. in English, I figured I’d become a teacher, have a few children (whom would fare just fine in daycare) and be a model PTA mother and career woman.

My entire life changed three years later when the most perfect, wrinkly baby was laid in my arms. Every ill-conceived notion I had about full-time motherhood was immediately discarded and suddenly, it was all I wanted. But hubby still had a year of graduate school left, and we needed the income, so the decision was made. I would head back to work and be the woman I always planned to be.

The day I handed off my still pink-skinned baby girl to another woman and drove away, a cold wind rushed through the hole in my chest where my heart used to be. I had to take deep, deep breaths to get the sobbing under control. Her sweet scent still clung to my cardigan.

Coping with Being a Working Mommy

You’re being irrational, I berated myself. It’s only eight hours–she will be fine.

But she’ll know I left her…

That day was the hardest. The next was a tiny bit easier and each subsequent day, easier than the last. But each hour, each minute I was at work, I was missing a milestone. Monday through Friday I left her from 7:30am to 4:30pm. That was a total of 45 hours a week and over 2,000 hours a year that I was missing. There were milestones I only witnessed in texts, like her first belly laugh. It kills me to never know the sound. Crawling first happened while I was neck deep in student research projects.

On a regular 24-hour work day, that left a total of three hours I got to spend with her. Whoa.

In trying to give everything my 100%—work, motherhood, being a wife, etc.—everything suffered. None of them received the attention they truly deserved. Something had to give. Laundry was piling up, dirty dishes outnumbered the clean ones, and the ring around the toilet now had a name (Gus). At work I was stressed and exhausted, often breaking down in tears when the last bell rang.

Then something funny happened. I got pregnant. Surprise! Baby girl was 8-months old with a little brother on the way.

A humongous, gargantuan, terrifying decision awaited me: do I take this opportunity, quit my job and become a…gulp…stay at home mom?

Thinking About Becoming a Full-Time Mommy

Like any good teacher, I immediately commenced my research. Like a bad student, I turned to Google for reliable resources. What I found was not just negative, but downright depressing. Phrases like Staying at home is my biggest regret, Don’t bother buying anything but yoga pants, and You’re kids are the boss of you and they are mean bastards, were swimming around the internet like hungry sharks.

Seriously, it’s all there. Not the words of encouragement I desperately craved.

A few misconceptions out there about SAHMs:

a) They have no education or career prospect, so the obvious option is to stay at home.

b) They are cheerio-encrusted-yoga-pants-wearing makeup-less women with unkempt hair and crazed looks in their eyes.

c) Being a stay at home mom wastes your valuable time and talents…what exactly do they do all day?

Sounds appealing, right? In my moment of earnest seeking, what I really needed was a voice of optimism, telling me that being a stay at home mom was the best in the world! That even though it was hard, it was a million times worth it. I needed an advocate.

So today, I am that advocate. For me, the decision to stay at home was both difficult and easy. Difficult because I was giving up close work friends, the esteem of students and colleagues, and the self-satisfaction of being successful. But it was so incredibly easy because I had these two beautiful babies, who were part of me and whom I wanted to give the entire world to, give them everything I had. I’m here to tell you that being a stay at home mom is the best in the world!

You do not have to wear yoga pants every day. You can (and they are comfortable), but you don’t have to. As a stay at home mom, you can be fashionable, and smart, and fun, and important. Over the course of my mommy-hood, I’ve made lots of other mom friends who are some of the most intelligent, hip, fun women I know, with advanced degrees and previous jobs that would be the envy of any resume.

Talking with Some Full-Time Moms

Rather than take my word for it, I’ve asked three moms to share why they chose to stay at home and why it’s awesome!

Why did you become a full-time mommy?

When I decide to do something, I do it 100%. When I chose to become a mother I wanted to give it my all. That meant giving up full time work. Admittedly, it was a hard transition for me to go from working and performing full time to staying home with an infant. I struggled with depression and anxiety for about 18 months before I was truly able to enjoy my new role.

How do you make being a stay at home mom enjoyable?

It’s fun interacting with other moms who have children similar ages to my own. Being a mom is easier when you can laugh with someone else who understands the less glamorous parts of your job. I love helping my kids discover their talents and nurture them. It is so fun and rewarding to watch your kids try new things and succeed. I love this part of being a parent!

Continuing to make time for my own interests and hobbies is huge for me. I spend two afternoons a week, a total of 4 1/2 hours, teaching piano and violin lessons at my home while a babysitter watches my kids. I know they are being taken care of and I can focus on being a good teacher, something that was important before I had kids and remains important now.

Serena H., mom of 3, plus a baby on the way

Education: Master of Science degree in Speech-Language Pathology

Job Experience: worked as a speech, language, and swallowing therapist for two years prior to staying at home full time as a Mom.

Why did you become a full-time mommy?

When I was pregnant with my first child, I had a wonderful position as an SLP, working with children, teens, and seniors. I LOVED my job and made great money, but I knew I loved our baby even more. When I told my boss that I was planning to quit working to stay home with our son, I was shocked to hear her reply, “What a waste.”

There were a number of qualified SLPs out there who could provide excellent therapy to my clients, but I was the only one who could be a mother to my son. I felt then, just as passionately as I do now, that it is an extreme blessing and a privilege to be a mother. Don’t let anyone tell you your professional talents, or particular skills are being “wasted” because you choose to put your career on hold!

For children, love is often spelled T-I-M-E. I knew that I wanted to be there when my children woke up in the morning, I wanted to be the one to kiss any boo-boos, to make them giggle, to send them to time-out when they needed it, to teach them to be kind, and tell them they were unique and wonderful. I wanted them to know they were worth my time. Especially while my babies are small. There is such a small window of opportunity that will influence these precious little ones so much. Work will always be there when I’m ready to go back.

How do you make being a stay at home mom enjoyable?

My favorite parts about being a stay at home mom are the little moments that I know I’d miss if I were working outside our home. Like having my son run over and throw his arms around me, shouting, “Mommy!” when I go volunteer at his school. Or watching our four-year-old daughter rock her baby sister before a nap. These are the precious and fleeting moments that are mine to hold forever because I was there to experience them. Connecting with other stay at home moms makes a fun job even more enjoyable. Knowing that our successes and failures are similar helps me feel connected and supported in mothering. Plus, getting together with other moms and their kiddos for a play date, or a trip to the library for story time is just plain fun!

Christine G., mom of 2

Education: B.S. in Communication and a PHR (Professional in Human Resources)

Job Experience: Director of Human Resources with a total of 12 years experience in HR

Why did you become a full-time mommy?

This was actually a very tough decision for me. I loved working, but missed my son. I decided to stay home when I was pregnant with my second child because I didn’t feel I could give 100% to my job. Also, my son was moved from the infant room to the toddler room at his daycare and I didn’t feel he was getting the same level of care in the new room. It felt like I had missed so many of his firsts and didn’t want to miss any others. I wanted to be there for all of my second child’s firsts. And I also felt I could give my kids so many more experiences if I stayed home with them. They could see the world, rather than stay in one room for 10 hours a day.

How do you make being a stay at home mom enjoyable?

I enjoy scheduling lots of activities for my kids. We get out of the house a lot, going to story time, gymnastics, swimming, tae kwon do, the park, the zoo, or play dates. My favorite time of the day is lunch. We eat together and each take turns making up a crazy story. After lunch, we cuddle and read stories before nap/quiet time. I found it’s important to make time for myself to have the energy to give to my family. So I do hot yoga, walk with a friend, go on an occasional girls weekend, or go to book club once a month.

****

Countless times I’ve been asked the question, “So what do you do?”

I always struggle with the answer. I want to tell people I am a teacher, but I’m technically not right now, so usually I end up replying,

“I’m just a mom.”

I know that leaves them with the assumption that I am a), b), c) or all the misconceptions from above, but I hope the smile on my face shows them how happy I am being a mom.

Why do I love being a stay-at-home mom so much? Because I love them so much. They are amazing little human beings that are sometimes annoying, but mostly adorable, and funny, sweet, and innocent. Being at home with my kids is like getting a second crack at a childhood I have little memory of. This time, I get a front-row seat to the “Let It Go” concert, sung with opera singer gusto. Because I get to see the light in their eyes when we feed the ducks. I get to be there when the first snow falls, to help them build their very first snowman (also named Gus…it’s a very popular name).

I love being a mom because it challenges me. No day is ever the same, and believe me, I never get bored. Exhausted yes, but never bored. I am learning that true love involves sacrifice, and when you give up something important for someone, like a career, it makes that person even more precious.

Will my kids even remember what I’m doing for them?

I don’t know. But it doesn’t matter. Victor Hugo’s beautiful adage at the end of Les Miserables will forever inspire my parenting,

“To love another person is to see the face of God.”

My kids may not sing my praises every time I wash their soccer jerseys, or even say thanks when I cut the crusts off their sandwiches, but when you love someone, you’re not seeking recognition or promotion. You do it simply because you love them, and love is enough. That love changes you forever.

So if you’re tinkering with the idea of becoming a stay-at-home mom, let this be a mark in the “Yes!” column. If you are neck-deep in full-time mommyhood, know you’re not alone. If you are a hard working mama with a thriving career…you go girl! We support you. And if you are a former stay-at-home mom, wondering if it was worth it, it most definitely was.

Finally, if you catch yourself saying, “I’m just a mom,” stop and slap yourself on the wrist. After all, would you say, “I’m just a brain surgeon”? You are a MOM! No regrets…the yoga pants are optional.

About Nicolette

Is a freelance writer with a Bachelors degree in English from Utah State University. She is a full-time mom of four and loves the outdoors, being active, reading, writing, and observing the world from a unique perspective. You can follow her on Instagram at @nicmckinlay.

Comments

I don’t leave comments often, but I felt I needed to after reading your post. I have been struggling for some time with the decision to stay home with my children full time. I recently decided it was what I needed and wanted to do. My last day as a nurse is coming up and I have been so torn. I just want to say thank you. This post made it all clear. I look forward to becoming “just a mom”. 😉

Cheers to a spin on SAHMs! I went back and forth for a few years there toying with the dream of being a SAHM–something I never thought I would want to do after spending so much time invested into becoming a teacher, earning a Masters, and then two supplemental credentials. Alas, baby two arrived and I didn’t want to go back after 6 months…and now number three is on his way. Wouldn’t change any of it…and the yoga pants are awesome especially after a great workout! xo

An insight well put and very optimistic, Mother always think of raising their child as a fulfilling career, it may have its downside but hey! Love is and will always be more valuable than gold right? Thanks for sharing your post. . I’d definitely give this blog 5 star.

LOVED this. Sitting at my full time job holding back tears missing my 1yr old. I can’t wait for the day I can be “just” a mom ! Hopefully the stars align for my husband and I and I’ll get the chance. From the working mom who wants to be a SAHM if you have the option, take it and embrace it because I’d give ANYTHING to stay home with my little one right now. Thanks for the words of encouragement. The internet is so full of negativity and discouragement !

THANK YOU for writing this.!!! I am due with my second in 3 weeks and am taking 6 months maternity leave. I am blessed to work full-time from home and be able to have a sitter come to my house to watch my 2 year old daughter now so I don’t miss out on nearly as much as I would if I had to go to the office and bring her to daycare but it’s still not the same as being with her all day. I see her doing things with the nanny and I wish it was me…even making her lunch, teaching her numbers, going for walks and looking for bugs. I can’t wait to start my maternity leave and get a glimpse of what it would be like to be a SAHM 100% of the time. It would be a hard thing to convince my husband to let me do it and I’m not sure how I’m going to feel a couple months in and like you said up top there is NO positive information out on the internet encouraging people to consider staying at home. Thanks again.

I love this! SAHMs need champions like you. In fact, all us SAHMs need to be champions for ourselves because who else will? Staying at home to rear your children is the singular most important thing you will ever do. I feel so passionate about this and wish for others to feel the same and support this with every household. It is HARD WORK! It is NOT easy. It takes adjustment for all of us to figure out how to do things. It requires all of us to seek help from all sources. We can’t just throw in the towel just because the “easier” option would be to seek work elsewhere. You CAN feel fulfilled at home. You CAN be successful as at SAHM. It takes practice and hard work, but it is possible.

“The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only-and that is to support this ultimate career.” C.S. Lewis

Very nice article to give another perspective. What’s interesting is that I’ve always seen, heard, or read that making the decision to be a SAHM was the best decision ever made- no negatives. As a full time working mom, I’ve struggled with the guilt of working and not being home with my two kids. Would love to see an article about those who choose to work and even those who don’t have a choice and have to work, and how to help overcome the guilt. Hope I don’t sound like a Debbie Downer, trust me I would love to be a SAHM, but I can’t justify the loss of income or retirement investments, let alone the loss of my healthcare to one that barely covers the bare minimim.

I agree Jennifer, sometimes we don’t have the choice to be a SAHM, it’s work or your kids don’t eat or get healthcare!. I know my inlaws judge me all the time for working our entire marriage (4 years, but took us 3 years to get pregnant). They think I should be at home, even though my job is the one that put my husband through school and gave us awesome health insurance. Sometimes those things are more important for that time in our lives. Don’t feel like a Debbie Downer, you aren’t alone in that!

Don’t feel guilty for doing what you need to do to provide for your family. I was a working mother with an IT career, but I also didn’t have a choice. I was blessed by God to be able to stay at home with my little one when she turned 2.5, and she is now 4.5. The last two years have been the most challenging, and the most rewarding. I too had guilt about working, and the fact that it was ME caring for her on a daily basis, but when you are doing what you need to do to provide for your family, don’t let that eat away at you.

Even for the Mother’s that chose to work because they want to, they shouldn’t feel guilty. If they know that going to work is what enables them to be better parents, then that’s what matters. A child will pick-up on an unhappy parent. It’s about quality time, not quantity. We all know what works best for our own children and ourselves. You just focus on you and your family, and keep doing what you have to do to provide the best life for them and be the best Mother you can be.

THANK YOU for writing this. I am a FTM and have been looking for a passionate explanation of what it means and how rewarding it can be to be a stay at home mom. This article was exactly what I needed. You made my day.

I really needed this today, thank you!!! I’m a working mom with a 4 month old at home. I am so lucky that I work an evening shift so I get to be with him all morning. My husband is looking for work, so I continue to work till I can be at home full time. I’ve often heard friends say they just can’t stay at home with their kids, that they’ll go “crazy”. Many have put material things ahead of the growth and development of their child. They’d rather have a brand new car and work to pay it off than drive a beat up van and stay with their kids!I feel the opposite, I feel crazy trying to juggle my sweet baby, work, bills, dinner, etc! Thank you for making me feel not alone for wanting to be at home with him. Please pray for me that I can do that SOON!!!

Being a SAHM is the greatest thing I could ever do for my children. They will be raised by me not a stranger at a daycare or a nanny. They will get to know me as their mother and family rather than seeing me when I come home from work if they are still awake. It was also the best thing I could do for myself. I can watch my children grow up and have an active role in it.

I was a costume designer for film and television before I became a mom. It is long hours and even spills over into days off and after hours at home. I can’t put being a mom on hold 12-16 hours a day- 6 days a week for work and still expect to have a relationship with my children. I still ‘work’ but I do small projects after the kids are in bed and at my pace.

Loved this post! If it was financially viable I would be a stay at home mom in a heart beat. I feel like I belong home with my kids but in order to provide them with the best experiences we can we both have to work. I’m fortunate enough to work in an awesome place with an amazing boss who gives me the flexibility to be there for my kids. But oh to stay at home and spend each day with my amazing tiny humans…it’s a goal that we’re still working on 🙂

I appreciate your article. It was a difficult transition for me to stay home for my children. I’m ever so glad I did, and I hope one day they will be as well. One of my favorite lines regarding SAHMs comes from the movie “The Impossible”. When the hotel employee asks the mom what she does, she says that she was a surgeon, but now she stays at home with her boys. His response is golden! He says, “so you’ve been promoted.” I appreciated that bit of wisdom.

Thank you for this encouraging post. Being a SAHM landed in my lap, after quitting a job of 13 years. I’ve struggled a lot especially in the last 2 years, and just as I was embracing it, I began to struggle again. Reading this was a breath of fresh air, and a huge blessing to me today. Thank you.

My goodness, your column brought tears to my eyes! Everything was so eloquently written, yet heartfelt and … real. “Just Mom”s truly do need more support these days, when many are faced with the pressures of keeping a professional career. But, as was so beautifully written, our children still need us—whether the role of women in society has changed, or not. THANK YOU for encouraging other women out there to have the strength to say “yes” to their children! I am currently a stay-at-home Mom of 3 young children (with a BA in Journalism and Public Relations) and wouldn’t trade those small, fleeting, precious moments with my children for any paid job in the world.

What a beautiful story. I wish I could stay at home with my kids. Their grandma is the one staying with them. I am missing a lot every day. And when I come home I still need to work cleaning up ect. All the best moms.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this post! I’ve been struggling with the decision whether to keep working or become a SAHM, and you’re exactly right – all I found online were scary, depressing articles. Your post is a breath of fresh air, and it brought me to tears. So, thank you! Just wanted you to know that you and your words have made a difference in my life today!

This truly hit home with me. I have been a teacher for 14 years and made the decision this year to stay at home for at least a bit, as there were just not enough hours in the day. My last day was two weeks ago. It still has not hit me yet because it feels like any other summer so far. Check back with me on the first day of school! My situation is a little different than most as my kids are 6 & 10 now, probably a time when some moms are thinking of going back to work. I have experienced the whole range of reactions. Most people are happy/envious that I able to do this at this point in our lives, but I have received a few …you will be so bored…what will you do with yourself and my favorite “Are you pregnant?” I also had several people I assume we would then homeschool are kids, which is also not in the plans for now. Thanks for writing this! I am sure there will be some rough days but isn’t there for any mom? 🙂

The first year I didn’t go back to school, it felt weird seeing busses on the road and I wasn’t following them for once. But I will definitely go back some day. I love, love, love being at home in this season of life right now…you’re going to love it too:). Good luck!

Thank you so much for writing this. I literally go back and forth 20 times a day trying to decide whether or not to stay home. I REALLY needed to hear that it is all worth it. I had so many of those same feelings you did at the beginning and reading this reminded me of that and made my decision 🙂

I came to this blog and love this post, though I have some differing opinions, this in the end has made me realize why I have a hard time with the idea of sending my son into daycare. Im starting graduate school and being a stay at home mom will afford me better time then if I had to do so while working. I love my husbands support as well and truly in the end our mutual support for each other and love for our son is what makes this whole thing possible.

I am a proud SAHM, I’ve been there for all my girls’ firsts, I know all their friends and what they are doing at school, I am lucky that I don’t have to work but I didn’t ever want to give my children to someone else everyday to bring up.

Thanks for posting this. I’m about to make the transition from working to stay-at-home. I have 3 kids and know how you felt about missing everything. I’m looking forward to this change in my life, but know that it will be drastically different, especially since I’m homeschooling the two older kids.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this blog. I came across it as I too am researching and googling whether or not I should stay home with my son. I notified work that I would return for the amount of time required to not have to pay back my insurance benefits paid while I was on FMLA, but will be resigning after that. I am still struggling with “Am I making the right decision?” There is so much negative on the internet about being a SAHM. I’ve debated going part-time, but in my company that would mean nghts, weekends, and some holidays which cuts into family time. I struggle with what others perceive SAHMs as and being “just a mom”. This article has confirmed I am making the best decision. Thank you again.

Ive been a stay at home mom for a while, but I have always felt guilty for “not doing more”. I hate being asked, “what do you do?” and responding with, well I stay at home with my kids and… [list some other things to seem like I don’t sit around all day like a free loader]. This has helped me a lot to come to grips with my decision and not be ashamed.

Wow, this is absolutely beautiful. I am so very thankful and blessed to be a stay at home mom and I love it! My son is still young but I love having the ability to be with him all day. I can’t wait to be with him as a stay-at-home mom with him as he grows up. Each woman has different desires and options on what they can do. But for the women who want to be or are SAHMs, it’s an inspiration to read a post like this!

Thank you for the words of encouragement to be SAHM.. this is going to be my last month as working mom and i decided to be SAHM for my son. very inspiring and strengthen my decision!,… again THANK YOU…

Thank you! I have my PhD and just decided to resign from my university position. I have struggled with the decision for a year now but ultimately for just the reasons you outlined, I made the exciting plunge into Sahm-hood. I know it’s the right decision, but I still have moments of struggle/sadness/fear. I was looking for a positive message and they are so hard to find!! This post was just what I needed. Someone should write a book!!

Thank you SO MUCH for this post. The month I found out I was pregnant, I got my first college professorship interview on campus. I was at the point of my career that if I threw myself into it totally, I could have been a great success. However, I had desired for SO long to be a momma, so I was head over heels in love with my new baby growing inside. I decided to stay home with baby girl as my husband makes enough that we don’t need my income. Having moved to a new city/state recently and not starting the school year as a teacher has thrown me off and made me struggle with anxiety, sadness, and fear that I made the wrong choice. However, reading this post (especially the interview with the musical momma – I’m a musician and it’s hard to find people talking about musicians becoming stay at home moms) has given me the boost I needed. Thank you so much! ~Ashley (soon-to-be first-time stay-at-home-mom)

What a great article. Thank you for sharing your positivity about being a SAHM.

It’s such a hard decision, similar to you I tried the working Mum thing for a couple of years and my heart wasn’t in it. I sometimes miss adult chat and a sense of accomplishment at work but none of that compared to being the one to raise my son ❤️

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