Sorry, this is one of those emotional, gut-wrenching “outbursts” that I hate to post.
I am sitting here, watching what is left of my relationship (if you could ever call it that) just fall apart…I really hate what happens to me emotionally at the hands of those who claim to love me. I am so upset…and confused…is it really so difficult to consider me and my feelings or what I think before going out and doing something that you know is going to hurt me? Isn’t that what you are suppose to do? Isn’t that what I do with others?

I don’t know why this is happening…this is some twisted expression of love? No, it’s not. The trust issue we have had between us for well over a year now has exploded into something much worse. I didn’t need for him to provide confirmation in the form of naked pictures of some bitch in my room, on my bed, in my clothes, while I was at work no less…

And now, that one issue is causing all kinds of problems. How do you fix something like that? Can you honestly say you love someone when you are doing something like that behind that person’s back…hiding it? And he won’t talk to me about it…acts like it didn’t happen…or like it doesn’t matter…

And all these women calling all the time…and he acts like I have no right to wonder about it…actually, I’m just starting to get it…I guess I don’t…I guess that and everything else he hides from me ARE NOT my business. Why? Because I am still on the outside looking in…where I have been since I initially tried to get back with him almost 3 years ago. I guess it’s where I’ll always be…

again…I have tried to do this blog thing quite a few times… I think I lacked the enthusiasm necessary to keep it going before now. Not to mention that when I was trying to build my newsletter and website, I just couldn’t make the time to post to my blog the way I really wanted to.

Now that the circumstances have changed with regard to my never-ending webmaster duties…the site will be back…it is just in limbo right now…I find that I will be able to really focus on getting a decent blog going!

See…the thing is…I have alot of knowledge…alot of very unique insight…and it has become very important to me that I am able to pass at least some of it on…my way of giving from what I have been given…to help another,
from my heart and without charge.

Let’s face it…there is alot of woe in this world…all around us…people get overwhelmed…many have nowhere to turn…no one to just talk to that is capable of giving sound advice along with a caring, listening ear.

I am college educated…I worked as a correctional officer for years…took the required psyche classes and then some…obtained a degree in Business and in Criminal Sciences…and equally as important, I have lived alot in these 45 years. Seen alot…heard alot…cried alot…learned some very hard lessons along the way…it is true that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.

In my next post, I will start to lay out the way I intend to bring this blog to life. I can’t do it alone though…I will need the participation of all of our subscribers and visitors…active participation!!

I am kind of excited about this beginning…it feels so right for me to do at this moment in my life…and it makes me feel a sense of contentment to know that if I can help someone else with the things that I have learned…then,
I won’t have gone through all of that for my whole life in vain…

Daily Tarot…

I am going to post a Tarot-related tidbit here for your enjoyment every day. I have been reading the Tarot since I was about 12. My mother read, she could even read just ordinary playing cards…with incredible accuracy.

She was kinda spooky, you know…she was a clairivoyant…having her first experience when she was only eight. Her gift operated through her dreams for most of her life…she had a dream that she was looking at a body floating in a bathtub, and it terrified her. She woke up screaming and woke up the whole house. Of course, as so often happens, my grandparents told her that it was just a bad dream, got her calmed down and back into bed.
But, according to my mom, she knew that it was no dream…that it was real…she felt like she had been looking through a large window…into the immediate future.