Greetings~

I'm known as Maw. I'm something of an equivalent to a high school student in the States(I guess) and I'm from this cold and dark place called Finland(yes, the funny country that was on Conan O'Brien). I found this site when I was looking for a community where people deal with at least some of the things I deal with.
I'm mostly known to people as a musician, and I've been making music for a while now(My last.fm profile, since for some reason some people actually listen to my music o.o ).

On the site's main topic though, I've been suffering from depression, various mental disorders and suicidal thoughts for about six months or so... Help I have sought, but to no avail. I'm simply such a terrible person that I don't deserve help from all the wonderful people around me, who do not even know me that well. Sounds like a cliche and everything, but it's scary when an angsty movie cliche becomes real life.

Excuse me for any linguistical incosistencies and whatnot, it's like 2 a.m. and I'm so tired. I just want to sleep and not wake up. Then again I don't even deserve the comfort...

Welcome to the forum, Maw!:smile: Comfort is not something that is deserved, but something which people crave. Compassion and loving/being loved are human needs just like food and shelter. We all need them whether or not we "deserve" them.:smile:

I hope you will continue to visit this forum and find the help and friendship that I did when I came here in a very bad time. I credit this forum and its loving caring members with literally saving my life:smile: , as I was ready to throw it all away.:sad:

:welcome: to SF Maw. Nice to see a fellow musician. There are lots of us here. You will find that we are more than willing to offer comfort and compassion to those who are in need. We give and receive here. I hope you are able to find what you are looking for as you wander through the forum and meet many new friends. take care. :hug:

:welcome: Maw. Happy you found us and will get the support here youre looking for. This is a great place and i hope you will find many good friends here (as ive found all my friends here). Hope to see you soon in chat
:hug: Beret

Hey Maw,
Welcome to the forum, Finland!! Thats where my dad and all his family are from =) I cant wait to go there when i turn 18.. i have a lot to say about they way i feel for that country but this is about you so i wont go there. =P

Id love to hear some of your music one day, the site says your music isnt available on there yet.. What sort of stuff do you play?

It sounds like youve come to the right place, I hope you can find the support you are looking for and make some friendships with these beautiful people. Everyone, including you, deserves friendships and support, help and shared wisdom.

Thank you all for the warm welcome, I appreciate it, even though I most certainly don't deserve it~

Allo your dad is from Finland? Wow, that's a long way from the States(if you are even located there )Actually, the links to my music are in the larger description of that last.fm-site, if someone's interested, here are a few tracks(the site is in finnish, but you can hear any of the tracks by clicking the HiFi(160kbps)-button right under each title): http://www.mikseri.net/artists/?id=54625

What first made you feel this way?

Click to expand...

It's such a long story, and there's more to all of it than anything I have the strenght to type here(right now I'm exhausted...) but basically after all the bullying, hardship, evil and angst I've grown to realise that I'm a terrible person, so weak that I cannot even handle the most miniscule of stress in everyday life. I deserve to die, for I do not wish to hurt other people around me and...well, I just do not have the energy to go on.