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Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Thank God for girlfriends

There should be a Girlfriends Day, because I do believe they are the backbones of society. Good fun, supportive and willing to help...even if you didn't know you needed helping.

I met a close girlfriend today and although it started off just another chat over coffee, I just did not see it coming.

So there I was getting on with the usual grind this morning; getting kids up, cleaned, dress, fed.Off to play group where everything was so hard.Girls crying at everything, both needing to be hugged at the same time, me trying to get them interested in various toys to no avail.Bigger kids running around and knocking them over making the situation worse.Mums staring at the wailing twins and the mum trying to hold it all together.Thankfully my closest friend was there with her boy and we decided to ditch the group and steam off to a coffee shop to try and hold a meaningful conversation.Not always guaranteed these days, when we’re at the age where kids are everywhere you look multiplying like bacteria.

So there we were discussing the usual stuff.How the girls can be such hardwork sometimes and do my husband and I move somewhere nearer to London where my his commute would be less, mortgage more expensive and where we have no friends.Or do we stay where we can easily afford the mortgage, I have friends but my husband is unhappy with the area?It’s been a recurring issue for about 3 years now, and one thing for sure is it’s not going away.There I was going through the same possible solutions and getting nowhere when my good friend says lets off the D bomb.She thinks I may be depressed.

It was like receiving an electric shock.Totally stopped me in my tracks.My immediate knee jerk reaction was to deny it, but I could hear distant alarm bells ringing somewhere in the archives of my mind.Could I be depressed and not be aware of it?I had been thinking that our issues are the normal stuff that people with young kids have.Money, no time, tiredness, needing a bigger house.But maybe my friend is right.Maybe my problem isn’t the housing issue or how hard I’m finding the twins, the problem is that I can’t think my way to any solutions.As someone whose experienced depression herself, she had a wonderful analogy of depression. Like having only one small room in your brain that you just keep going round and round in, getting nowhere.That’s exactly how I feel.I can’t seem to think myself out to a happier place.

I have been depressed before, and it certainly runs in my family, So I know what the warning signs are.If I’m completely honest, It did take me four weeks to book a doctors appointment, and I have been putting off looking at the finances.I dread the post coming through the door and my ideal day would be spent sleeping.Now that I think of it these are all classic depression symptoms.I’ve also taken an online depression test and let’s just say she may be right.How could I have missed it?

I guess it makes sense that if I can’t see my way out of a problem, it may take a person looking in to help.But how surprising that the same problem can look completely different depending on who’s looking at it.However pessimistic I am, I’m so thankful to my friend for her honestly and willingness to listen to me.You can’t beat a good girlfriend. Maybe I should make a doctors appointment...and not in four weeks time either.

Another great post as always. I've been in and out of depression a lot over the years and recently it creeped up on me, much like how you described. It was my sister who pointed it out to me.

After digging a little deeper, pushing myself to see the doctor and having the chance to let things off my chest a bit, I've been given the help that I need. Turns out that a big factor in my depression was social anxiety. I just had my first CBT group therapy session this evening and feel empowered, because now I'm starting to learn the tools to think myself out of that little room in my head.

About Me

Thirty something mum of identical twin girls. Put aside my television production career to raise the kiddiewinks. Swing between loving it, being bored out of my mind. Surprised at the stupendous amounts if guilt and inadequacy that comes with raising little people. Writing a blog as an online record and to keep me sane. Married to anonoman since 2008. Love laughing, seeing my twins laugh together, Big Bang Theory, Yoga, when my kids sleep, the odd glass of wine, taking pictures, reading anything metaphysical and eating biscuits.