April, 2008

March, 2008

October, 2007

In honour of my Australian friends who are have a biblically hard time at the moment, but finding grim humour amid their hardships, I hope they keep safe, and I offer this.

The new parable of Noah

And it came to pass that Noah went far to the south-east, to the land of the queen, which was called Queensland.

He saw many houses on stilts, for that was the custom of the natives of that land, which had witnessed many floods in ancient times, and didn’t want another. No mate, not one bit.

But the people of that land called upon their leaders – give us more roads and houses, give us more water for crops, and a decent cricket pitch.

So the government of that land build a mighty dam, by the name of Wivenhoe, to hold the precious waters for irrigation and crops, and the people rejoiced. “You beaut!” they cried.

http://www.wivenhoe.gov.uk/images_various/WivenhoeDam/WivDam1.JPG

Now Noah was a wise man too. He said to the people “Let us use this precious water, and make a garden of this wilderness” – and he did, and he made it known to the world and he cried “God, this is great”.

—– ~ —–

But there was a group of restless prophets from the land of US-Gore, who were hungry for fame and fortune. They said to each other - “These people are heathens, they do not pay us homage, or grants of gold,Let us lay a report on them which will turn their trousers to brown”.

So they scribed for years, making public many dire predictions, and they called it UN-IPCC, which put fear in the hearts of many innocents, who were without learning in the ways of Basic Science, Pressure Groups and Stealth Taxes.

They put their predictions on many pages, and published on the Interweb thingy, For Queensland, it proclaimed – there will be dryness and droughts! Which was a bummer for the farmers.

(The leaders of the land of Queensland were not sad, for they were hungry too, for reasons to create new tythes and taxes upon the people of the region, to pay for their holidays and conferences with riches and first-class travel)

But copies of the prediction had travelled afar, to places like GWPF in The Old Country, who noted its contents, and patiently bided their time, for they were wise men too, they were learned in the ways of Basic Science and Pressure Groups, and they could smell a rat as well.

—– ~ —–

Now the cry of Noah had taken a while to reach the ears of God, because she’d been away. She looked upon the Earth, and was amazed, and she wondered to herself. “WTF have they been doing?”

So she caused the Sun to slow on its axis, and its fires diminished, and its warming rays decreased, and the Earth grew cooler. Snow fell open the innocents and the UN-Gore false prophets alike, even unto their conference in Copenhagen. Which was biblical, and poetic, and righteous, because lots of fairy stories had come from there, in the name of Hans Christian Anderson in times before.

And as the Earth grew cooler, so did the waters of the great oceans, the Pacific and the Atlantic, and water and snow rose up to the heavens, and then it all came down again. But not where the false prophets had promised. The leaders of the land of Queensland were bemused and confused.

Had not they been promised drought? So they delayed and dithered, and all the time they were delaying and dithering, the waters in the dam of Wivenhoe were rising higher and higher. “Let out the water, you drogos!” some people cried.

But their voices were not heard above the clamour of the warmists, and still the rains came, and the people said “Strewth, it’s getting mighty wet round here”.

Now the wise men of GWPF called out, and they said “Told you so!” And Noah was called into action, to do something, for God’s sake. So he called upon the creatures of the land.

“Two koalas, two dingos, two kookaburras, two wallabies, two goannas –stop, none of them blurry cane toads – two crocodiles…..”

—– ~ —–

The floods came after the Ashes were lost, which must have been a premonition of terrible disaster still to come.