Russia announces winner of 2018 World Cup final - Russia

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin today announced the winner of the 2018 football World Cup final.
At a press conference, he said: 'The whole world knows that the decision to hold the 2018 World Cup in Russia was arrived at perfectly fairly, and in no way involved bribery, corruption, judge fixing, supplies of young women or death threats. And so we can promise you that the World Cup itself will be held in equally neutral conditions, with fair play for all, and no mention of the gulag or drugs mysteriously being found in players' rooms or gangs of armed thugs if results don't go our way. And so in this atmosphere of friendly competition we are announcing that Russia will win.
'Long live democracy.'