Well, I don't know who either of those creepy guys is, but a bag of Gummi Bears will get you only so far. Lots of amateurs turn to them because they simply don't know any better. And because these things are cheap. And brightly colored.

When it's time to bring in the heavy artillery though, it's "Nietzsche's Angel Food Cake", by Rebecca Coffey, and nothing less: http://mcsweeneys.net/2010/1/15coffey.html