The Bachelorette In 60 Seconds: No Chill Despite Ugg Boots

Even if you missed the first episode, the 'previously on The Bachelorette' recap is pretty comprehensive. We got a sold two minutes of episode one.

Obligatory mansion shot.

The blokes are banging ON about the Double Delight rose snagged by Uncle Sam. We need to start calling it the 'Double D' rose.

We learn that Jordan's limp from the previous night wasn't just a weird prop, it was actually a real injury he sustained playing basketball. He is now wearing a moon boot. Scars are great talking points with women, but sporting injuries aren't bad either, so well played J-man.

If anyone is looking for men's cardigans, they're all at the Bachie mansion. All of them. Ever.

First date card arrives. (Seriously, that cardy)

Blake tells us why he’s the man who should be on that date card.

Jarrod gets the single date. The vineyard guy.

Lots of high-fiving.

Blake calls BS. LOL, k mate.

Cue shots of Spotless Stadium.

Sophie is "nervous" and "scared" and wearing something completely relatable.

OMG Jarrod rocks up wearing a cardigan.

Epic shot of stadium, big music

High-wire walking is the date. OK.

Jarrod looks like he’s going to legit pass out.

Soph admits she’s scared of heights, so why they didn’t just go to a Bunnings sausage sizzle is beyond me.

Jarrod admits he’s scared of heights. “I’m shitting myself,” he said.

"I’m very concerned now, I’m scared of heights, he’s scared of heights, we’re both just going to be screaming and crying up there,” says Sophie. LAWL

Meanwhile, back at the mansion, the bros are trying to work out what Jarrod has got that they don’t. Especially Blake.

Then Apollo says that he spent some time with Jarrod and said that he was a pretty modest guy and that he was “a genuine dude”. Seriously, Apollo. What a guy.

Blake says “nice guys finish last…so…”

Group date card arrives...

Who even is this guy.

Cue a metric shit ton of high-fiving.

Uncle Sam REALLY wants his single date. Like REALLY. "Let me attack some destiny," he says.

Group date includes:

Harry

Bingham

Jordan

This guy with the check shirt

Apollo

James

Sam (devo he didn't get a single date)

Ryan

Hayden

And Blake, whose relief at almost not being picked for the first time in his life was REAL.

Back to Spotless Stadium.

Climbing ladder to the highwire, Sophie laments: “What was I thinking… Halfway up and I’m shitting myself... We should’ve just had dinner and drinks” she said (or a Bunnings sausage, you heard it here first).

However, Jarrod just "went into protective mode."

Cue dramatic music. Like really cue it. HARD.

Then the bit that was on the promo... “my seat’s gone” says Sophie, “My seat’s gone”

Cut to commercial

And we're back.

We’re faced again with every producer’s dream… a drama.

Sophie’s supporting ‘seat’ on the highwire had slipped.

And Jarrod, so CALMLY, helped a VERY panicked Sophie back into it.

Then she did something that Bachelorette’s very rarely do. She started to cry and didn’t want to continue the activity.

Jarrod handled it like a champ and after they made it back to safety, she said that Jarrod was her hero.

She said: "most guys would’ve pressured me to finish the course, but Jarrod put my feelings first and that means a lot.”

Jarrod got a rose.

Sophie got a pash.

Night time. Mansion.

Blokes are sitting around playing cards getting worried that Jarrod hasn’t returned.

Then Jarrod returns.

Blake reckons that Jarrod is getting ahead of himself being so smitten after the first date.

Jarrod was asked about whether he got a kiss, and he totes played it down, instead, he shows off the rose.

Blake assumes Jarrod has “no game” and that it was a kiss on the cheek. LOLs.

Jarrod tells the guys to be themselves with her and that’s what Sophie is looking for.

Uncle Sam was all like "don’t tell me what to do".

Next day, group date.

Osher tells the blokes it’s a group date involving two of Sophie’s favourite things: Dressing up and having fun.

“Yes, it’s photo shoot time”

Famous couples throughout history is the theme and personally, I'm pumped to see how they represent Han Solo and Chewbacca.

Commercial break.

Dressing up montage.

First famous couple from history - Aries and Aphrodite, flanked by cupids – and good god, yes, here’s what we have been waiting for: Apollo.

“Apollo, your body is ridiculous,” says Sophie.

Ryan sulked at being a cupid. Haha.

“One of Apollo’s arms is literally the size of my entire body” said one of the boys who looked on. ZING.

Second famous couple from history - Maid Marion, Robin Hood being married by Friar Tuck.

Holy shit. James. I'm dead.

Then Sam rocked up in his Robin Hood outfit and immediately made fun of James.

Sam also wasted no time in announcing that he “just looked at Sophie’s cans, I’m sorry!” to which Sophie scrunched her nose at saying “you’re not meant to tell me”.

Sam again referred to her rack that he had “a view” of, and that’s when James gently stepped in saying “hey, hey, hey, settle down, I’m a priest, you’re not allowed to talk like that.”

Sophie noticed, saying that she found it ‘really nice to see James stand up for me… James just made my day”

Also, while James was wearing an unflattering costume, he totally owned it, and his sense of humour completely shone… and Sam wasn’t loving it.

This pretty much sums it up...

Commercial break

Third famous couple from history - Bonnie and Clyde, flanked by police. It was boring AF.

Fourth famous couple from history - Adam and Eve.

Cut to Blake getting a spray tan.

While the makeup artist tried to enhance his abs with some bronzer, Blake lusted after the likes he was going to get on Insta for this shoot. A man with clear priorities.

After a few pushups, he met up with a near-naked Sophie.

She did say it was the “hottest thing ever”

Some of the other lads were looking on, one said he was “well jell” over Blake and Sophie’s shoot. Pretty sure that was Uncle Sam, who then said he wanted to get a rock. Hayden told him to put the rock down. We're not even kidding.

Hayden actually had to say, “ take it easy, put the rock away” before saying that “Sam was beyond upset”.

The scene closes with Sam getting worried that his 'Double D' rose might get taken off him.

Commercial break.

Cocktail party.

Jarrod passes comment to James about his Friar Tuck costume, to which James said: “if you get lemons, make lemonade”. So classy.

Sophie walks in wearing a purple dress and the blokes god damn froth.

But the biggest question is who the heck this dude is...

Jarrod looks like he’s about to self-destruct from the sheer strength of his new feelings. He also offered his jacket to Sophie and she said she was actually OK and... uuugh that was awks.

A very short time later, James tells Jarrod that he has nothing to worry about, that he could see that they still have chemistry. At this point, I'm totally picking up what James is laying down. He's a good egg, that James.

Good grief, Jarrod really needs to calm TF down, and Blake totally called it by describing Jarrod as “being super weird” and "super desperate".