Long story short... The last few months have been pretty strenuous for me and basically, I've slipped back into that cycle of what I would call depression. I'm fine at the moment. I don't feel constantly bombarded by this shit but when I'm alone it fucking kills me. I have plenty of friends but I don't really have any friends close enough to talk to about this stuff, and lately I've been thinking that it would be better to speak to someone professionally before it gets worse. I have a gap year in a few months and my A levels so I don't really have time for to be the way I am. Does anyone have any advice or any idea how I go about this? And how confidential is it?

I feel like a dick just walking up to my doctor and spilling my guts because to be honest I don't feel comfortable speaking about it with anyone. (Although I have decided I'm going to have to speak to someone). Do I tell a counsellor at my college? Although do is put me in touch with outside agencies but it'll probably mean mentioning things I don't want mentioned.

Apologies if this isn't particularly eloquent, emotions are hard to type

Last edited by Mr. Wiggles on Wed Nov 07, 2012 12:22 am; edited 1 time in total

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________You can buy a dream or two to last you all the years, and the only price you'll pay is a heart full of tears.

I dunno man I've spoken to the guy before and he's okay but even after me just raising the issue that my family's history of mental heath worries me and he suggested I speak to some other charities that dealt with counselling. Also I admitted having smoked weed in the past and he got all uppity about the college's views on matters (despite me not being in college when I told him I had done it).

If I speak to him, I'll have to censor significant parts of my life which can't otherwise be explained basically.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________You can buy a dream or two to last you all the years, and the only price you'll pay is a heart full of tears.

Aha don't worry about it mate, I was sort of seeking recommendations on what professionals I can speak to not sure I made it clear but its still much appreciated man.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________You can buy a dream or two to last you all the years, and the only price you'll pay is a heart full of tears.

What follows is my sanctimonious, unsolicited opinion. Open at your own risk!

Spoiler:

I can't speak first hand because I have 'good mental health'. I went through a phase of suicidal idealization and stuff like that, but I think that was just hormonal. I'm glad I didn't see a psychiatrist. I regret telling a few people about it because I feel its marred their image of me. So if you need to tell someone, a quack is the best person to speak to.

Of the people I know who see a quack, all of them seem addicted to talking about themselves and their 'problem'. I personally think its important to just be honest with yourself and why exactly you're unhappy. If there's not something legit messed up in your head you're A LOT better off not getting hooked on a cycle of anti-depressants and doctor shopping.

The whole psychiatrist/psychology business seems aimed at stringing people along and not solving anything. The only real solution, as opposed to a mask, is to be happy. Refuse to accept that you're 'mentally ill' and rather that you hold a certain opinion at the moment and you WANT to challenge it. Rather than having someone, or some chemical, change it for you.A pretty cool quote:

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

Fear is to me as hope. Both are mental illness, obsessions with the unreal.

Wigs, I've been dealing with anxiety & depression for almost 2 years now. My long story short is that it began February last year. I moved around a lot trying to deal with it, and not understanding it, on my own. Christmas time I returned home and after festivities I didn't get out of bed for 6 weeks. I then went to a GP. She was a doctor I had never seen before. I went in there and broke down in tears within 2 minutes. I told her how I was feeling and she prescribed me valium and anti-d's. I don't like counselors or psychologists personally. I would recommend going to a GP that you trust, or a new one like I did and spilling your guts. Take some eye drops so you don't walk out with red eyes and don't worry about anything else. If you've had suicidal thoughts, tell them. Tell them about the last time you smoked weed and be honest about how it makes you feel afterwards - does it spur on the depression?

Night times are the hardest to deal with because you get yourself into shell of self hatred. Nothing much can fix this, but in the mean time try opening your window and sitting by it. Occasionally I'll smoke a cigarette by my window. Focusing on not getting any smoke inside is a simple distraction technique for me. Or sit there and drink a coffee. I drink A LOT of coffee now (but I'm not effected by caffeine) because it's really good to warm your stomach and taste the bitterness.

EDIT: I didn't want to see the college counselor because I think they're full of shit. Like you experienced, they can be judgmental and after all, they're not qualified to give serious, on going mental health advice.

I'm not sure if I've helped at all, but if you ask me any more questions I'll answer them to the best of my abilities. I know that having someone (even online) that has gone through it and can give you even a little advice helps.

I would suggest counseling only if you know that you trust them enough to give them the whole truth, otherwise it's pointless.

And I can understand why you wouldn't, especially with weed involved. Although of course it exacerbates things, whenever I've said I smoked it to any public health professional it immediately became the source of my problems.

I'm seeing a woman now, very nice. My dad put her in touch with me. She's private, so it's fucking expensive, but she's so easy to talk to it's actually worth it.

I think I've always had anxiety and depression, as long as I can remember. What happens is I get panic attacks, and they wear me down a lot, and it's when I'm worn down that I get depressed.

A non-narcotic thing that always helped me was a long walk or a cycle next to water, preferably running water. A remarkably good cure.

The gist of it was I don't smoke weed often anymore (3 times in as many months, two of which were the fault of that begotten money-grubber PayJ!). Although I have been smoking for a few years now so maybe it has been accumulative.

also I should explain I'm not constantly depressed but that's mostly because I'm constantly doing something or other. But often when I stop, I get rather down, (fortunately I learnt a long time ago that I don't think if I sleep with music on). I find minor things happen go wrong and I can blow them out of proportion. For example, I failed a theory test the other day and couldn't stop crying for a while. Which is unusual as I always say close friends have died and I have never shed a tear.

Something tells me that talking to someone would help somehow and I do have many things to get off my chest but I'm not sure if I should bother going to the trouble of making an appointment with my GP or whatever, if it doesn't really affect me. Also getting doctors/coundsellors/therapists involved over it seems overreacting when it's not constant. Besides from what Stinky says, I'm thinking it could be hormonal but exacerbated by the events or vice versa.

I think I may have lost the point I was trying to make here. The other post was much better goddamnit...

Essentially, it would be good to talk to someone but I'm now thinking that doctor's probably aren't the best route.

Oh and if I had to boil it down, it would be that there is not a meaning to life but it is only human to try and find one.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________You can buy a dream or two to last you all the years, and the only price you'll pay is a heart full of tears.

Thanks guys reading about your experiences is insightful, I don't think I'm going to bother with professional help unless it gets worse.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________You can buy a dream or two to last you all the years, and the only price you'll pay is a heart full of tears.

If you do decide to see anybody about this my only advice, and it seems obvious when you say it, is don't expect that just going to the sessions is going to fix you. You have to find somebody that you can be one hundred percent honest with, and even then it's still really in your own hands. I went through a couple of psychiatrists and spent a fair amount of time on antidepressants, in the end the only thing that helped me was just constantly telling myself that I had no reason or right to be unhappy. Be harsh with yourself, but don't let that turn into unproductive self hating bullshit. This isn't gunna work for everyone, but I just refused to accept that I was depressed and after a few months I legitimately broke out of it. That's not to say that I have particularly strong willpower, I don't, it's just the approach that worked for me. I don't recommend medication except as a last resort. It doesn't really fix anything, it just kind of deadens your emotions and prolongs the inevitable time when you actually have to deal with them. That was my experience anyway.

Another thing.I cried and whinged to anybody who'd listen and it still makes me cringe to think about how that has changed everybody's perception of me. By all means find somebody to talk to, but don't dump all your problems on them.

@Wiggles: I can't offer much advice as my method for breaking out of depression doesn't seem to work for many other people. I personally would stay away from councellors and weed in general. Everyone else seems more qualified than me cause I just bottle it all up and use it elsewhere.

This just made me change my mind. It's probably not worth getting help over, it probably is worth talking to someone about.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________You can buy a dream or two to last you all the years, and the only price you'll pay is a heart full of tears.

I could never go to a psychiatrist or therapist, it just feels too fake and clinical. I wouldn't even talk to my parents about that stuff let alone some guy that's paid to listen to me babble. 'Course everyone is different.

But yeah definitely find someone you trust to confide in. I wouldn't say I'm depressed anymore, but telling my girlfriend about my history with it felt very good after years of bottling things up.

I don't know. I haven't really got a mate who I am close enough to without things being awkward.

Fuck it, I'll justleave things be and if I still have these things when I reach that position I'll make a decision then.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________You can buy a dream or two to last you all the years, and the only price you'll pay is a heart full of tears.

If you get a good therapist they're actually easier to talk to than you think. You do have to pay, though. I had a few national health ones and I always ended up lying to them.

For some reason though, the person I'm seeing now is very easy to be totally candid with in a way that I'm not with any of my friends. I suppose some people make it easy to present the complete picture of yourself to.

I don't doubt what you say but for me to reach to that position I would have to explain everything to my parents at some stage, which is not a pleasant thought. It just wouldn't be possible to keep that private or at least hidden from my parents.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________You can buy a dream or two to last you all the years, and the only price you'll pay is a heart full of tears.

I can't think of a decent way of saying this but yes. My problems only accumulate. A few weeks my outlook was getting better then this came along and put me in a state of confusion and shit and now, I just have more and more things fucking me around.

This morning, I cried because the bus was late. Haha It's not that I have a strong feeling that transport operators should keep to their word even in winter. It was just like I dunno.... fuck... just depressing that things were only getting more fucked up.

The thing is I don't really have a friend who knows the whole picture. I can chat to my best mate about bi, but there's too much other shit for to be springing upon him and he won't be able to offer me any advice anyway. Because of the situation, I guess it's shit I have to deal with alone at the end of day.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________You can buy a dream or two to last you all the years, and the only price you'll pay is a heart full of tears.

Have you always had an attraction to men that you thought was, I suppose, what 'everyone else' felt? I began my bi-dilemma when I was aged 13. I kept it well and truly hidden until I was 18 when I told my best friend. Or has sleeping with a man kind of brought it up and now you don't know where you stand?

I don't know really. I've always had an eye for the male figure and when I was younger I used to have what can only be described as gay feelings but I mostly wrote that off to hormones or whatever. I've always considered myself straight. Fuck even after having sex with a guy, it did not occur to me that I probably wasn't straight but yeah it is more or less the latter. I have mentioned it to a few people but yeah...

It's not a good feeling. I'm not even upset most of the time but minor shit like that just sends me over the brink.

And thanks Ness, I really appreciate that, Facebook or Skype next time your online or something. Thanks a lot though it's really nice just to talk to someone.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________You can buy a dream or two to last you all the years, and the only price you'll pay is a heart full of tears.

I hope your realisation leads you to a happy place, as I'm sure it will eventually.

My flatmate's the opposite, he was almost certain he was gay and now he's feeling feelings for a girl that he knew for years without any romance at all. It's a very confusing world, human sexuality. Anyway, absolute best of fortunes, because I hate to see you all torn up.

No, he's still half gay, but only for Bradan. And he is drinking, when we're low on stuffy stuff, he likes to get a few beers (3-4), and I a couple of gin and pepsis, watch a stupid film and shout at it.

I was on a good 2/3rds of a bottle there recently. Went through a lot of pepsi, anyway. Dan's old flatmate came up and we watched the Late Late Toy Show. Be thankful your country does not know what that is.

@Furburt: Haha Every time I see that song appear, all it makes me think is this.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________You can buy a dream or two to last you all the years, and the only price you'll pay is a heart full of tears.