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My mother has Alzheimer’s disease, and she has declined pretty fast in the last couple years. It has been quite the journey so far trying to give her the best care possible, and act in her behalf. She still has her charming personality, and her stubbornness at times, but is and was quite the best mom to have.

Although quite sad watching as her mind has been affected so badly I have this opportunity, although not easy to help her through this ugly disease that has inflicted her. She is full time care, and resides with me at this time. I kept her in her home as long as possible. She has in home health care, and working on more support programs for her care. Not easy, but we have been quite blessed. blessed considering the situation.

I feel so sad and alone! My life has been so un-happy! I wish I could feel love and appreciation. I try so hard to reach out to other but the outcome is always the same. I wish someone would love me, just for me…

Helen, thanks for sharing, don’t settle for less. Love your self, everyone is unique in their own way. No one is perfect, your a child of God. Draw close and let God know your desires of your heart. Persevere, life isn’t always fair. Be kind to yourself.

I know just how you feel. It’s like you read my mind. What is so strange I have a blog I keep trying to do, but depression takes over. The strange thing is I clicked on by mistake and I ended up right here reading what I’m feeling. Your not alone feel free to e mamail

Helen, sorry to learn of your sad life. You seem well depressed, and perhaps with good reason. Have you tried all the normal ways to feel better. Proper diet, exercise, joining clubs and societies in your filed of interest. Using writing as a form of therapy, it dose help quiet a bit. As for love and appreciation, you can love and appreciate yourself first, rather than look to others for validation. In that way you’ll be happier, and perhaps others will be attracted to your upbeat vibe.
Then of course there are these voluntary counselling agencies, everywhere. At the end of the phone. Perhaps a chat with your Doctor, and some anti depressants in the interim. Unless your gonna do away with yourself, and your gonna continue on living. You may as well determine to be as happy as you can be, or life is gonna be right miserable.

Brenda was a young woman that wanted to learn to go rock climbing. Although she was scared to death she went with a group and they faced this tremendous cliff of rock. Practically perpendicular. In spite of her fear, she put on the gear and she took a hold of the rope and she started up the face of that rock.

Well, she got to a ledge where she could take a breather. As she was hanging on there, whoever was holding the rope up at the top of the cliff made a mistake and snapped the rope against Brenda’s eye and knocked out her contact lens.

You know how tiny contact lenses are and how almost impossible to find. Well, here she is on a rock ledge, with who know how many hundreds of feet behind and hundreds of feet above her. Of course, she looked and looked and looked, hoping that she would be able to find that contact lens. Here she was, very far from home. Her sight was now blurry. She was very upset by the fact that she wouldn’t be anywhere near a place where she could get a new contact lens. And she prayed that the Lord would help her to find it.

Well, her last hope was that perhaps when she got to the top of the cliff, one of the girls that was up there on the top might be able to find her contact lens in the corner of her eye. When she got to the top, a friend examined her eye. There was no contact lens to be found. She sat down with the rest of the party, waiting for the rest of them to come up the face of the cliff.

She looked out across range after range of mountains, thinking of that Bible verse that says, “The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth.” She thought, “Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know every single stone and leaf that’s on those mountains and You know exactly where my contact lens is.”

Finally, the time came when it was time to go down. They walked down the trail to the bottom. Just as they got there, there was a new party of rock climbers coming along. As one of them started up the face of the cliff, she shouted out, “Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?”

Well, that would be startling enough, wouldn’t it? She had found the contact lens! But you know why she saw it? An ant was carrying that contact lens so that it was moving slowly across the face of the rock.

What does that tell you about the God of the universe? Is He in charge of the tiniest things? Do ants matter to Him? Of course they do. He made them. He designed them.

Brenda told me that her father is a cartoonist. When she told him this incredible story, he drew a picture of that ant lugging that contact lens (as you see in the comics with a balloon with words in it over his head) with the words: “Lord, I don’t know why You want me to carry this thing. I can’t eat it and it’s awfully heavy. But if this is what You want me to do, I’ll carry it for You.”

If God is in charge of the ants, don’t you think He cares about you and me? I guess Solomon was right. One could learn a valuable lesson from that ant — trust in God. We could probably all say a little more often, “God, I don’t know why you want me to carry this load. I see no good in it and it’s awfully heavy. Still, if you want me to, I’ll carry it for You.”

Using the rear view mirror once in a while glancing at what is behind us will help us not to engage in future accidents, serving us as reminders of what to repeat or what not to repeat as we move forward in life,but focusing on the past to long will make us become distracted and cause us to smash into whatever is in front of you.

Turns out that loving yourself is the greatest way to improve yourself, and as you improve yourself, you improve your world. Let me give you a quick example of how this works: one day, someone sent me an email that upset me. In the past I would have handled it by working on my emotional hot buttons or by trying to reason with the person who sent the nasty message. This time, I decided to try something new.So I kept silently saying, “I’m sorry” and “I love you.” I didn’t say it to anyone in particular. I was simply evoking the spirit of love to heal within me what was creating the outer circumstance.

Within an hour I got an e-mail from the same person. that person apologized for their previous message. Keep in mind that I didn’t take any outward action to get that apology. I didn’t even write him back. Yet, by saying “I love you,” I somehow healed within me what was creating negativity and pain with in myself.

In short,Suffice to say that whenever you want to improve anything in your life, there’s only one place to look: inside you.

If you live long enough, you’ll make mistakes.
But if you learn from them, you’ll be a better person.
It’s how you handle adversity, not how it affects you.
The main thing is never quit, never quit, never quit.DO KEEP MOVING FORWARD WHAT EVER YOU DO…..

It seems that what others say and do is often based entirely on their own self-reflection. Do not give your power away, do not let them poison you with their own pain – you can help them by wishing them well, but remember that people behave in such ways because they are in a place of great suffering. People often react to their own thoughts, feelings and behavior, which has nothing directly to do with you

Imagine, every bad thing..people-places-circumstances. Etc. As an actual being.give them faces..bodies…tugging on you, biting you,Draining you..now ..imagine you become bright…as if you were lightening in the flesh..and you zap-burn-fry each one of these off of you. Now they are ash..dust in the wind. Keep walking. Keep this in mind as a practice during your days. Do it driving..sitting etc. At the end of the day..in the shower..bath or on the couch…picture the sun and moon recharging you and take deep breaths . Feel your strength increase.Feel peace radiate. You are now resonating with strength. From the Spirit of the living God who now lives and reigns in you.~`☆`~For greater is he that is in you then he that is in the world.

Love knows no reason, no bounds, no time, no space.
Love is the medicine that will save the human race.
Love is the answer to every question you may ask.
Love is who we are beyond the illusion of the mask .
Love allows us to reveal the spiritual being within.
God is love and we are love because we are in him. I am thanking God for all of you .
So thankful !!!Happy Thanksgiving

A young man was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealers showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted. As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his graduation, his father called him into his private study, told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and how much he loved him. He handed him a beautifully wrapped gift box. Curious, but somewhat disappointed, the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible, with his name embossed in gold. Angrily, he raised his voice to his father and said,”With all your money you give me a Bible?” He stormed out of the house, leaving the Bible behind. Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old. He thought perhaps he should go to him.He had not seen him since that graduation day. But before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to him. He needed to come home immediately and take care of things. When he arrived at his father’s house, sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search through his father’s important documents and saw the Bible, new,just as he had left it years ago. With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. His father had carefully underlined a verse, Matt 7:11, “And if ye, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your Heavenly Father which is in Heaven, give to those who ask Him?” As he read those words, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible.It had a tag with the dealers name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words… PAID IN FULL. How many times do we miss God’s blessings because they are not packaged as we expected? If this touched your heart, please pass it on!! Please read b4 u go home or u are at home already,read this to the end. My name is God. You hardly have time for me. I love you and always bless u. I am always with you. I need you to spend 30 mins of your time with Me today. Don’t pray. Just praise. Today I want this message across the world before midnight. Will you help ? Please do not cut it and I’ll help you with something that you are in need of. Just dare Me! A blessing is coming your way. Pls Drop everything & pass it on. Tomorrow will be the Best Day of your Life. . Send this to as many friends as you can in 10mins. The Clock Starts Now.

Hello, welcome to Flight #2019. We are prepared to take off into the New Year. Please make sure your Attitude and Blessings are secured and locked in an upright position. All self-destructive devices should be turned off at this time. All negativity, hurt and discouragement should be put away. Should we lose Altitude under pressure, during the flight, reach up and pull down a Prayer. Prayers will automatically be activated by Faith. Once your Faith is activated you can assist other passengers. There will be NO BAGGAGE allowed on this flight. The Captain (GOD) has cleared us for takeoff. Destination GREATNESS.
❤️❤️❤️
🎉🎉🎉
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

Sometimes I just don’t understand the human brain. I don’t get when ppl know you and they know what your going through how they can be so heartless or rude not reach out not take time to be there for one another. To support each other through and through at home with friendships at work or anywhere else I strive on building meaningful connections with everyone regardless if super close or not I never want another human to feel pain or under appreciated or unloved and I hate seeing this or feeling this. We all have stuff we go through and not everyone knows everything in someone’s mind or struggles so instead or judging or hurting or being upset for no reason try and fix your heart and change your perspective cause u can be doing more damage then you know. Reach out speak out and be love and light in peoples lives u never know what impact you are making. For me with everything the past few years and raising four kids on my own and feeling more insecure about myself then ever all I long for is human connection, love and support especially when I try to be the best I can be. It would be amazing if we all just took time to understand each other

Are there guardian angels?
For God gave me a beautiful lady
to help watch me grow
A lady so beautiful
inside and out
She had to be an angel
God let slip out of heaven
This women was blessing
from the Lord up above
who taught me life’s lessons
through courage and love
A lady to protect me
from all of my fears
and love me and hold me
and wipe all my tears
A lady so special
she’s touched lives of many
and keeps us together
at all cost, if any
This lady is my Grandma Jackie
To her I do owe
all the joy life can bring
I love you and miss you Grandma
Thanks for being you
And doing all the great things you did I will be greatful if I am half the mother to my daughter that you where

On Wednesday, Dr. Oz had a show on the fastest growing cancer in women, thyroid cancer. It was a very interesting program and he mentioned that the increase could possibly be related to the use of dental x-rays and
mammograms. He demonstrated that on the apron the dentist puts on you for your dental x-rays there is a little flap that can be lifted up and wrapped around your neck. Many dentists don’t bother to use it. Also, there is something called a “thyroid guard” for use during mammograms.
By coincidence, I had my yearly mammogram yesterday. I felt a little
silly, but I asked about the guard and sure enough, the technician had one in a drawer. I asked why it wasn’t routinely used. Answer: “I don’t know. You have to ask for it.” Well, if I hadn’t seen the show, how would I have known to ask?
We need to pass this on to our daughters, nieces, mothers and all our female friends and husbands tell your wives !! I just did, now you send it on to your list.
Someone was nice enough to forward this to me. I hope you pass this on to your friends and family.jTHIS IS FROM A RELIABLE SOURCE….

I remember my 13th birthday. It was going to be a big deal as a family gathering was going to be had at a park in Simi Valley. And all my relatives were going to be there. It was going to be good and I was totally pumped and looking forward to it. Even though my birthday was falling on a Thursday, we were going to celebrate it on Saturday. The only thing I really asked for were a pair of ankle top boots I had seen at Kmart. Texas Steer brand if I remember right. Doesn’t seem like a lot. But I was an easy kid. And by that age I was pretty much done with toys. I was all about doing stuff and eating hamburgers.

It was exciting. Early on Saturday mom was busy boiling potato’s so she could make potato salad for the party. We were going to hold it at Oak Park in Simi. A small obscure little park off Arroyo Drive which was one of the back ways into Simi before the freeway was built. I remember my mom on the phone calling to my aunts to make sure what was going to be taken for the Barbecue. There was going to be chicken and steak and chips and salsa and of course birthday cake.

I was dying with excitement as we loaded up the car and started to make our way there. Once there I helped find tables and started to get busy putting down table cloths and other party stuff. As time went on family and cousins started to arrive. When my cousins got there it was on…we would take off and go exploring. While the adults would sit around and get things started like the cooking of the meat. I watched as my uncles started to pop open the beers and make man talk. While my mom and my Aunt Sarah were putting things together. My Aunt Angie was tasked with the job of picking up the cake which was coming.

After about an hour…we were hungry and it was time to eat. Being late March, the weather was great. Not hot and we had shade from one of the giant oak trees there. After everyone ate it was time for cake. WOW! What a surprise….a whole sheet of cake, Not a quarter…or a half but a whole sheet. I had the biggest smile as it was set in front of me. After opening up my gifts. It was time to cut the cake. I blew out the candles and them my mom cut a piece for me. As I started to eat the cake it tasted kind of different. Not bad…just different. My mom noticed and asked what was wrong with it. I said it tasted weird. After asking my aunt what kind of cake it was…she said it was Chocolate cake with champagne filling. Since I wasn’t liking it too much. my mom got mad at my aunt and gave her a light scolding over it..

I felt bad and could see that my aunts feelings were hurt as she got up to go smoke a cigarette facing away from the group 30 feet away. Just my looking at her from the back I could see she was wiping tears away between puffs on her smoke. I loved my aunt . I felt bad that she was hurt and I was mad at my mom for making her cry. I got up and walked over to her with a fresh piece with two forks. And I told her it wasn’t bad..it was just different. And the more I ate…the more I liked it. She flicked her smoke and immediately hugged me as she cried into my shoulder while saying I’m sorry mijo ..I didn’t know. Its OK aunt Angie.

I gave her a napkin to wipe her tears and said…there’s more chicken. Lets go have some. She sat with me at the table and we ate together. Her husband Gill must have seen the whole thing because he came and put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it gently. I know he saw my aunt Angie cry and it probably hut him to see it. Later my mom must have sensed I was a little mad at her and she asked me why. Because you made aunt Angie cry. And she means more to me than any dumb cake in the world. She felt bad and called later when we got home to say she was sorry.

When my aunt Angie passed away about 4 years ago. I cried as much as I did when my mom passed. She was the cool aunt, the fun one who did the string tied to my tooth and door knob trick to pull a lose baby tooth when I was 9. All I can say is peoples feelings matter more than any material thing that can always be fixed or replaced. Now…whenever I have a piece of champagne cake I always try and get a second piece.

The first Valentine’s Day was in the year 496! Having a particular Valentine’s Day is a very old tradition, thought to have originated from a Roman festival. The Romans had a festival called Lupercalia in the middle of February. 💕💕

There are so many women in my life that have stood by my side or have been huge influences that helped change the course of my life.

This last season of life was extremely difficult and heartbreaking. Beauty and bliss and sunsets are on the other side but the pain was visceral, real, almost unbearable at times…the ache still exists. So this shout out if for the women who were along side me for a moment or day by day that affected me. You did something.

You loved me.

Who let me vent and cry.
Who let me be my full spectrum of emotion without shaming or fixing.
Who let me ache wholeheartedly.
Who released expectations.
Who helped me see clearly through the fog.
Who showed up to clean or help move.
Who helped emotionally process.
Gave tons of hugs.
Had a listening heart.
Encouraging word.
Shared a moment of silence or ceremony.

Please Read, and forward. This will only take 1 minute to read!
28th Amendment, 35 States and Counting.

It will take you less than a minute to read this. If you agree, please pass it on. It’s an idea whose time has come to deal with this self-serving situation:

OUR PRESENT SITUATION !

Children of Congress members do not have to pay back their college student loans.

Staffers of Congress family members are also exempt from having to pay back student loans.

Members of Congress can retire at full pay after only one term.

Members of Congress have exempted themselves from many of the laws they have passed, under which ordinary citizens must live.
For example, they are exempt from any fear of prosecution for sexual harassment.

And as the latest example, they have exempted themselves from Healthcare Reform, in all of its aspects.

We must not tolerate an elite class of such people, elected as public servants and then putting themselves above the law.

I truly don’t care if they are Democrat, Republican, Independent, or whatever. The self-serving must stop.

Governors of 35 states have filed suit against the Federal Government for imposing unlawful burdens upon their states.It only takes 38 (of the 50) States to convene a Constitutional Convention.

If each person that receives this will forward it on to 20 people, in three days most people in The United States of America will have the message.

Proposed 28th Amendment to the United States Constitution:

“Congress shall make no law that applies to the citizens of the United States that does not apply equally to the Senators and/or Representatives; and, Congress shall make no law that applies to the Senators and/or Representatives that does not apply equally to the Citizens of the United States …”

This is an idea that should be passed around, regardless of political party.

Congressional Reform Act of 2017

1. No Tenure / No Pension. A Congressman/woman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they’re out of office. And, no more perks go with them.

2. Congress (past, present, & future) participates in Social Security. All funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social Security system, and Congress participates with the American people. It may not be used for any other purpose.

3. Congress must purchase their own retirement plan, just as ALL Americans do.

4. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise. Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.

5. Congress loses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.

6. Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose on the American people (i.e. NO MORE INSIDER TRADING!!!).

7. All contracts with past and present Congressmen/women are void. The American people did not make this contract with Congressmen/women. Congress made all these contracts by and for themselves.

Serving in Congress is an honor and privledge NOT a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators should serve their term(s), then go home and go back to work … not get all kinds of freebies.

St. Patrick’s Day celebrates the Roman Catholic feast day of the patron saint of Ireland. St. Patrick died on March 17, 461. But did you know that he wasn’t even Irish? Here are some fun facts about St. Patrick and some activities you can use to teach about his day.

History:

Patrick’s birthname was Maewyn. He was born in Roman Britain. He was kidnapped into slavery and brought to Ireland.

He escapted to a monastery in Gaul (France) and converted to Christianity. He went back to Ireland in 432 as a missionary. While Christianity had already taken hold in the country, tradition has it that Patrick confronted the Druids at Tara and abolished their pagan rites, making Christianity more widespread.

Patrick became a bishop and after his death was named Ireland’s patron saint. Celebrations in Ireland were understated though. When the Irish emigrated to the U.S., they created the bigger celebrations and parades known today.

Eighteenth century Irish soldiers who fought in the Revolutionary War held the first St. Patrick Day parades. The celebrations became a way for the Irish to connect with their roots after they moved to America.

Fun Facts:

The shamrock: According to legend St. Patrick used the three leaf clover (or shamrock) to explain the Trinity.

Dyeing the river green: The practice of dyeing the river green started in Chicago in 1962, when city officials decided to dye a portion of the Chicago River green.

Corn beef and cabbage: This is an Irish American dish. Irish Americans were so poor they could not afford certain meals. On St. Patrick’s Day, the best meal they could afford was beef and cabbage. It became a staple for the holiday.

Whatever your race, religion, party, or nation,
I respect your beliefs. Yet I know
Your beliefs, professed in words,
Are like membership cards by which you gain entry
To this or that religious community.

So here is what matters more than words:

How you live, how you love.

That is how you show what you actually believe,
Beneath all words.

Equally, I respect your label, your tradition, your history, your heritage, The rituals and holidays that have formed you.

Yet what matters more, what matters now, is this:

Will you stand for the life of your neighbor
Of another race, religion, party, or nation,
As if your neighbor were your sister, brother
Father, mother?

Surely you and the people of your
race, religion, party, or nation desire life,
Freedom, dignity, opportunity.
And surely your neighbors who differ from you
desire the same things as you.

In each race, religion, party, and nation, there is a wing Under the sway of fear, resentment, revenge, and violence.

And there is another wing too,
A growing wing that knows:

There is no way to peace,
For peace itself is the way.

My dream, my prayer,
Is that the just, generous, and peaceful wings
Of each race, religion, party, and nation will arise, Awaken, find each other, And unite for the common good, To overcome fear with holy wisdom
And hate with revolutionary love.”

Here we embody awakened presence. Here is the key that opens the door to infinite possibilities.

We don’t have to have the answers and we don’t have to be so concerned with what “they will think”. When we can finally let go of that, and drop into our heart path, we will experience our freedom and aliveness.

Our Soul is howling at this Full Moon…. Awwwwwww!

We are all feeling vulnerable from all sides in all directions. Not easy but necessary, evolutionary.

Messages will be incoming. Trust those that are clear and kind and let that kindness sink into our hearts.

‘I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, because I hear about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for the saints. Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints.’ Philemon 4-5,7 (NIV).

What a pleasure it is to be around those who refresh our hearts. They are like cool water to a thirsty soul. They seem to lighten our load when we feel burdened, give us a reason to sing when our spirits are low and revive our faith to a new level of commitment and trust in God.

This is what Philemon did for other believers. His generous hospitality had replenished and stimulated them. His loyalty to Christ had inspired them and his love for God’s people had encouraged them.

Are we a refreshing influence on others, or do our attitudes and temperament add to the burden they carry? We have all been in the company of those who are negative and drain our energy by their complaints and problems. They fail to ever see the blessings which God continues to pour out upon them. We leave their presence feeling burdened ourselves. Better to be around people who replenish our spirits with their gratitude, positive energy and encouragement.

Let’s Pray:
‘Heavenly Father, we know that you have called us to refresh others by encouraging them. Help us to do this with a generous and willing spirit, so that we might be abundantly blessed and your name will be glorified. Thank you.’
In Jesus’ Mighty Name,
AMEN!

Paul says in Colossians 2:2 that his purpose is to encourage the believers so that they might know the comfort of the Father and have their hearts woven together in love for each other. What a beautiful calling, what an honorable purpose!

Let this be our desire also: to refresh the lives of those who we meet each day by encouraging them in word or action. Let us always be ready to do what is beautiful to one another and to those who are unbelievers. The gift of refreshing others is ours for the giving.

My mother has Alzheimer’s disease, and she has declined pretty fast in the last couple years. It has been quite the journey so far trying to give her the best care possible, and act in her behalf. She still has her charming personality, and her stubbornness at times, but is and was quite the best mom to have.

Although quite sad watching as her mind has been affected so badly I have this opportunity, although not easy to help her through this ugly disease that has inflicts her. She is full time care, and resides with me at this time. I kept her in her home as long as possible. She has in home health care, and working on more support programs for her care. Not easy, but we have been quite blessed considering the situation.

I got flowers today. It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night. He said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he was sorry and didn’t mean the things he said. Because I got flowers today.

I got flowers today. It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day. Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn’t believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. It wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again. And it was much worse than all other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I’m afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.

This poem is dedicated to all the victims and survivors of Domestic Violence.

You ask, why didn’t she leave?

I ask, why did he hit?
#JusticeForEmeraly
#IHaveAStoryToTell
#StopDomesticViolence

🕰The last 3 years have been some of the hardest in my life. I’ve deepened my introspective practices and excavated ancestral trauma and root system beliefs that have kept, not only me, but my family line stuck in the past and I don’t think I am all the way done yet. I may see a sliver of light at the end of the tunnel, but the work inside of myself that I’m constantly having to be conscious has been all consuming.

Ive began to unlock the scoliosis in my spine to reorganize my back into better alignment through really intensive yin yoga practices and Myofascial unwinding. 🏋🏻‍♀️🤸🏻‍♂️🧬

💔I’ve released certain expressions of love that we’re spreading me too thin and chose devotion to myself 💞 and my health on every front. I am not one to shallow dive and I went, and am, ALL IN.

🏥👩🏻‍🔬👨🏾‍🔬👩‍🌾I was in and out of health specialists for 2 years with over 1.5 million dollars of workups to understand the rubric cube of my body and my nervous system’s pain response.

🔬🧪🦠🌡My liver, pancreas, heart and pituitary gland were all compromised and it was gonna be a long journey back. The heaviness I was experiencing physically, emotionally and psychically was real. I was overloaded with iron in my system and parts of me were shutting down. Pure exhaustion.

🕯🥀🤦🏻‍♀️Each day I struggle with an aspect of myself begging for comfort. Each day I rework the ancestral trauma stories and the mind that wants to attach my worth to circumstances, peoples behaviors and reactions, and a lack of communal life. I have battled suicidal thoughts and depression and gut wrenching betrayal from friends, lovers and a loss of community that were closest to me.

🍄🔥🌈🔮🦋 AND I continue to rise above the ashes that were remaining after I was gaslit by cosmic medicine to be refined, yet again, into a new creature. 🐠🐝🌲🌎 The pathway ahead is still uncertain, but I am anchoring into the love around me and I am lucky to love in return. To another year of growing and gratitude. 🙏

I was married, had been with my wife for 15 years. Then I left her 2 months short of our 10 year wedding anniversary.

We were parents to two beautiful children, who are in their late teens now, but were only seven and nine years old when I walked out.

I travelled for work, stayed in a different hotel at least three nights a week. That’s how I met Eve*.

We got to know each other over time. We became Facebook friends. We sent messages to each other all day and night. She was also married, also had two kids. We had so much in common, we soon fell in love. I felt like she ‘got’ me.

This was all during a very trying time in my marriage. I wasn’t happy, I didn’t look forward to going home. My wife had put on weight, we hardly ever spoke, she always looked so miserable.

Little did I realise that I was the reason she was so down and depressed. I didn’t pay her any attention. I took her for granted. I was too busy wishing my life was more exciting, being romanced online, spending all of my free time thinking how I could get out.

I believed she didn’t love me. I convinced myself she never cared about me or my needs and wants and wishes, that all I was was a paycheck.

She spent her free time taking care of us — our kids, making our suppers, doing out washing, making lunches, doing homework, projects, shuttling kids to sport, taking care of the pets they loved so much, their friends, and had a job of her own on top of it all.

Every time she spoke to me, all I heard was nagging and whining. But she was actually begging for my attention: a weekend away, a date night, a movie — everything I ended up doing with Eve behind her back and after I left my family.

We argued and fought because we felt unheard by the other. And yet that was all we actually had to do – LISTEN – to each other!

I moved to another province with Eve. My now ex-wife got custody of our kids. I saw them every second weekend, the usual ‘Dad’ set up.

New beginnings

Life was sweet!

Eve and I had an amazing sex life. A connection I believed I never had with my ex. We had a large circle of friends. My family loved her. My kids liked her.

But my ex could never bring herself to meet Eve – she felt betrayed. I hated her even more! She was childish. She was mean. She never cared about me or my happiness. I didn’t care about my ex’s feelings when I posted photos of us on Facebook… I had Eve and a whole new life and it was fantastic!

We were together for about six or seven years but never married – we believed marriage was not our thing.

I believed that after 15 years with my ex, we’d given it all we could and our time together was up, there was nothing we could do to salvage our relationship or marriage. Eve was my future, Eve was who I should have been with all along.

Eventually, no matter how well we got along in the beginning; no matter how well I thought she “got” me; no matter how good the sex was; the “honeymoon” came to an end.

Eve and I started snapping at each other. Little fights here and there. I had a moment of pure realisation one night, at about 2am.

I realised that I missed the woman who created my first home and family. I realised that if I’d treated my ex-wife the way I’d treated Eve, used the hours I spend woo-ing Eve on my ex, she’d have bloomed.

If I’d stopped being negative about her and our relationship to my family and friends they wouldn’t have been so negative to her and she wouldn’t have pulled into herself and shied away.

She became someone I convinced myself I no longer knew or got along with because I never gave her the time and affection and attention she craved and deserved.

I thought I had, but when I got down and really thought about it I never really did. I never really let her in. I had ended my marriage years before with the simple decision that she was no longer who or what I wanted. And I’d convinced my family and friends the same – that she was no good for me!

Regret sets in

But I was wrong. I missed the best years of my kids lives. Missed being a family with them. I let their mother battle with raising them alone. Yes I helped financially, but a man living outside his family has no real idea what the costs are on the single mother. While Eve and I ate steaks on the weekends, my ex-wife was living on egg and toast.

And do you know that she never complained? She never demanded more money out of me. She never stopped me from seeing the kids. Never said no if I changed plans on her at the last minute. She gave up her weekends so that my mother could spend time with her grandchildren. She left me to get on with my life with Eve, even though it must have killed her.

Like any relationship, it had started out good – great in fact – but when it go bad I decided to leave… I walked out and divorced a woman who – and I can only see this now – would have done anything for me. But I’d told myself she wouldn’t or couldn’t.

My ex-wife stayed single for 8 years. She dated but never got involved. Her being single was also a kind of affirmation for me – that no one wanted her – that everything I’d decided she lacked, so did other men… She actually stayed single to focus on our children.

Too late

And then came the day she met Craig. I never thought it would bug me in any way if she got a boyfriend. I thought it would be great! But I was very wrong. I felt hurt. I felt jealous. I even felt angry and maybe betrayed.

She moved in with Craig, along with my kids. She set up a new home. A new family, with my kids… it was a very bitter pill to swallow.

I finally understood how she’d felt all these years. And it felt rotten.

I watched via Facebook and through conversations with our old mutual friends how Craig spoiled her and the kids. Their weekends were spent on the beach – he surfed with my son. They went hiking in the Burg. They went to Mauritius where he proposed on a kayak and she said yes — they got married.

My daughter was a bridesmaid. My son was a groomsman. Craig’s parents and brother welcomed my ex-wife and children into their family. They told everyone how blessed they were to be gaining them as family.

She glowed with happiness. She radiated love and none of it was for me! My heart felt like it had been ripped out.

It should have been me.

Don’t be me. You think you will never be happy when you are in a rut. It is when you are there at your darkest that you need to grip down and try your hardest.

Today I live alone and still only see my kids occasionally. They are big now and harbour anger towards me for leaving them and their mother. Who can blame them?

Of all the things Eve was, she was never the mother of my children – my original true love.”

“HOPE this helps a few marriages, Love and appreciate a Good woman”.
#Allos_of_Mr_Lakusu

I was married, had been with my wife for 15 years. Then I left her 2 months short of our 10 year wedding anniversary.

We were parents to two beautiful children, who are in their late teens now, but were only seven and nine years old when I walked out.

I travelled for work, stayed in a different hotel at least three nights a week. That’s how I met Eve*.

We got to know each other over time. We became Facebook friends. We sent messages to each other all day and night. She was also married, also had two kids. We had so much in common, we soon fell in love. I felt like she ‘got’ me.

This was all during a very trying time in my marriage. I wasn’t happy, I didn’t look forward to going home. My wife had put on weight, we hardly ever spoke, she always looked so miserable.

Little did I realise that I was the reason she was so down and depressed. I didn’t pay her any attention. I took her for granted. I was too busy wishing my life was more exciting, being romanced online, spending all of my free time thinking how I could get out.

I believed she didn’t love me. I convinced myself she never cared about me or my needs and wants and wishes, that all I was was a paycheck.

She spent her free time taking care of us — our kids, making our suppers, doing out washing, making lunches, doing homework, projects, shuttling kids to sport, taking care of the pets they loved so much, their friends, and had a job of her own on top of it all.

Every time she spoke to me, all I heard was nagging and whining. But she was actually begging for my attention: a weekend away, a date night, a movie — everything I ended up doing with Eve behind her back and after I left my family.

We argued and fought because we felt unheard by the other. And yet that was all we actually had to do – LISTEN – to each other!

I moved to another province with Eve. My now ex-wife got custody of our kids. I saw them every second weekend, the usual ‘Dad’ set up.

New beginnings

Life was sweet!

Eve and I had an amazing sex life. A connection I believed I never had with my ex. We had a large circle of friends. My family loved her. My kids liked her.

But my ex could never bring herself to meet Eve – she felt betrayed. I hated her even more! She was childish. She was mean. She never cared about me or my happiness. I didn’t care about my ex’s feelings when I posted photos of us on Facebook… I had Eve and a whole new life and it was fantastic!

We were together for about six or seven years but never married – we believed marriage was not our thing.

I believed that after 15 years with my ex, we’d given it all we could and our time together was up, there was nothing we could do to salvage our relationship or marriage. Eve was my future, Eve was who I should have been with all along.

Eventually, no matter how well we got along in the beginning; no matter how well I thought she “got” me; no matter how good the sex was; the “honeymoon” came to an end.

Eve and I started snapping at each other. Little fights here and there. I had a moment of pure realisation one night, at about 2am.

I realised that I missed the woman who created my first home and family. I realised that if I’d treated my ex-wife the way I’d treated Eve, used the hours I spend woo-ing Eve on my ex, she’d have bloomed.

If I’d stopped being negative about her and our relationship to my family and friends they wouldn’t have been so negative to her and she wouldn’t have pulled into herself and shied away.

She became someone I convinced myself I no longer knew or got along with because I never gave her the time and affection and attention she craved and deserved.

I thought I had, but when I got down and really thought about it I never really did. I never really let her in. I had ended my marriage years before with the simple decision that she was no longer who or what I wanted. And I’d convinced my family and friends the same – that she was no good for me!

Regret sets in

But I was wrong. I missed the best years of my kids lives. Missed being a family with them. I let their mother battle with raising them alone. Yes I helped financially, but a man living outside his family has no real idea what the costs are on the single mother. While Eve and I ate steaks on the weekends, my ex-wife was living on egg and toast.

And do you know that she never complained? She never demanded more money out of me. She never stopped me from seeing the kids. Never said no if I changed plans on her at the last minute. She gave up her weekends so that my mother could spend time with her grandchildren. She left me to get on with my life with Eve, even though it must have killed her.

Like any relationship, it had started out good – great in fact – but when it go bad I decided to leave… I walked out and divorced a woman who – and I can only see this now – would have done anything for me. But I’d told myself she wouldn’t or couldn’t.

My ex-wife stayed single for 8 years. She dated but never got involved. Her being single was also a kind of affirmation for me – that no one wanted her – that everything I’d decided she lacked, so did other men… She actually stayed single to focus on our children.

Too late

And then came the day she met Craig. I never thought it would bug me in any way if she got a boyfriend. I thought it would be great! But I was very wrong. I felt hurt. I felt jealous. I even felt angry and maybe betrayed.

She moved in with Craig, along with my kids. She set up a new home. A new family, with my kids… it was a very bitter pill to swallow.

I finally understood how she’d felt all these years. And it felt rotten.

I watched via Facebook and through conversations with our old mutual friends how Craig spoiled her and the kids. Their weekends were spent on the beach – he surfed with my son. They went hiking in the Burg. They went to Mauritius where he proposed on a kayak and she said yes — they got married.

My daughter was a bridesmaid. My son was a groomsman. Craig’s parents and brother welcomed my ex-wife and children into their family. They told everyone how blessed they were to be gaining them as family.

She glowed with happiness. She radiated love and none of it was for me! My heart felt like it had been ripped out.

It should have been me.

Don’t be me. You think you will never be happy when you are in a rut. It is when you are there at your darkest that you need to grip down and try your hardest.

Today I live alone and still only see my kids occasionally. They are big now and harbour anger towards me for leaving them and their mother. Who can blame them?

Of all the things Eve was, she was never the mother of my children – my original true love.”

“HOPE this helps a few marriages, Love and appreciate a Good woman”.
#Allos_of_Mr_Lakusu

Our Navel (Nabhi), is an amazing gift that our Creator has given us. According to science, the first part created after conception is the navel. After it is created, it joins the mother’s placenta through the umbilical cord.

Our Navel is surely an amazing thing! All our veins are connected to our navel, which makes it the focal point of our body. The belly button is life itself!

The “Pechoti” is behind the navel, which has more than 72,000 veins. The total amount of blood vessels we have in our body is equal to double the circumference of the earth.

We knew that to lower the temperature to the babies, we put a cotton swab with alcohol in the navel, now we know that with oil, it’s better.

Applying oil in the navel heals the dryness of the eyes, poor view, the pancreas, the heels, and chapped lips, keeps the face bright, the hair healthier, for knee pain, the chills, lethargy, pain in the joints and dry skin.

. Apply Mustard Oil in your belly button – to get rid of dry, chapped lips. Will also keep your intestines moving to remove harmful bacteria but keep the good. Actually works as a mild detox.

. Apply olive oil or coconut oil – to improve your fertility

Keep alcohol dipped cotton on your belly button – to cure a cold, flu and a running nose. When a baby has stomach pain, we put a few drops directly in the navel and we give the massage around the naval a few minutes, the pain is cured. Oil works the same way.

Sesame Oil is used for all types of joint pains. It is also known to strengthen bones. Many parents use in their children every night at bedtime.

Use an equal amount of Mustard Oil And Ginger Oil For Upset Stomach, Bloating, Nausea and digestive problems.

Using Warm Ghee improves blood flow to the nervous system and also enhances the immunity system. It cures constipation and builds a strong digestive system. It gives relief from joint pain.

Thyme oil is anti-spasmodic, it helps relax your arteries and veins, lowering blood pressure and stress to your heart. It may also help strengthen and tone your heart muscles.

As a diuretic, Thyme oil may help your body to remove excess water, salt and toxins from your body, helping with weight, blood pressure, digestion, and more.

Thyme oil is an expectorant, which means it can help remove mucus from your airways and lungs. Thyme oil is approved by Germany’s Commission E in the treatment of bronchitis, whooping cough, and upper respiratory inflammation.

Remember Thyme oil is a powerful compound and should not be used directly on your skin, as this can cause sensitization and irritation. It must first be diluted with a carrier oil (like olive oil, coconut oil, or almond oil)
Thymus Vulgaris) Essential Oil 100% Pure Therapeutic Grade is what you look for.

* FOR KNEE PAIN *
At night before bed, put 3 drops of Castor oil in your navel and spread it 1 and a half inches around your navel.

* FOR TREMORS AND LETHARGY, PAIN RELIEF IN YOUR JOINTS AND DRY SKIN

At night before bed, put 3 drops of mustard oil in your navel and spread it 1 and a half inches around your navel.

WHY PUT OIL IN AND AROUND YOUR BELLY BUTTON?

Your Navel can detect which veins have dried up and by putting oil, those nerves open them…

You can keep a small drip jar with the oil required next to your bed and place a few drops in your navel before going to sleep. This will make it convenient to pour and avoid accidental spills.

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
― Brené Brown

I found it synchronistically fitting to have this memory pop up from two years ago about a poem I wrote about mindset changes. Jaymes and I have been busting through paradigms and reprogramming our thoughts this weekend with @marymorrisey

We have been building and giving new life to our dreams and taking the time to break through all the things within us blocking us from them. So here is the poem that reminded me, yet again, that this work is an upward spiral of evolving. Constant, uncomfortable and completely life giving.

Paradigms

I surrender this to you.

This wonder of words, this dance upon my lips that meet with breath. Your meaning of my words only allude to my own intention of their story.

Sometimes I just don’t understand the human brain. I don’t get when ppl know you and they know what your going through how they can be so heartless or rude not reach out not take time to be there for one another. To support each other through and through at home with friendships at work or anywhere else I strive on building meaningful connections with everyone regardless if super close or not I never want another human to feel pain or under appreciated or unloved and I hate seeing this or feeling this. We all have stuff we go through and not everyone knows everything in someone’s mind or struggles so instead or judging or hurting or being upset for no reason try and fix your heart and change your perspective cause u can be doing more damage then you know. Reach out speak out and be love and light in peoples lives u never know what impact you are making. For me with everything the past few years and raising four kids on my own and feeling more insecure about myself then ever all I long for is human connection, love and support especially when I try to be the best I can be. It would be amazing if we all just took time to understand each other Deanna D.

Nothing Stays the Same:
From our youth as we grow older nothing stays the same.
I knew you one way and now its changed. You once were independant, and now depend on others for complete care. I once knew you and you were strong, but that cancer came, and took you away leaving your children alone on their own to find their own way. I once knew you and you were on your own feeling lonely, but the good lord called you, and now you see your off spring from a far, and leaving them with a memory and so dear to their hearts. Nothing stays the same. I once knew you, and you are so young, on fire for life, now you will be enduring a battle in spite a tumerous cancer who has intruded you. I once knew you, and you were confident of success, now your captive in duress. Nothing stays the same. I once gave you the benefit of the doubt only to learn your actions revealing your true intentions. Nothing stays the same. In spite that nothing stays the same a possitive heart we all need to maintain. With a constant prayer that one day all our long sufferings, battles will be done and we can count on the ones we love.

To the families affected by this Covid-19 virus:
My heart and prayers go out to you. Especially, to the essential staff, and health workers who felt unprotected or supported by their employer. Some workers had to make a decision between their life, and their job. God bless you! Also, for those who are on the front lines working to help people, while putting yourself at the risk of being exposed or infected. God bless you as well!
I work at a psychiatric hospital, and there have been at least 8 confirmed cases that I know of, but the rumor is up to 19 cases. I am teleworking from home, and go to work one time a week until April 7th, I take great precautions, but I don’t know if that will be enough, it seems that my place of employment is not following the full CDC guidelines. They indicated to reduce the patient and staff movement, but I do not see this is happening enough. They are still floating staff and patients to different wards, even where known cases are. I think they could control the movement more during this time. However, they have set up screening, I am not sure if this will be enough to protect the staff and patients out there.
I have been doing my part with social distancing as much as possible, and washing, and disinfecting my area. I hope I don’t get exposed, and end up bringing it home to my mother who is full time care now, and at great risk along with my husband as well. I am wondering how this pandemic will end, and more than likely I am not alone with this thought. It has been a scary, sad thing here that has happen, and how fast it has spread through the world taking many lives. In Matthew 24, Mark 13, and Luke 21 Jesus describes end times; yes it says that there will be epidemic, but don’t panic, true wars must come, but won’t be the end of times immediately. The Spanish flu killed millions in 1918-1920.

You, yes you, you are the one I am talking to.
You spend too much time finding fault in who you are or in your mistakes.
They are behind you and you can’t change the past.
You, yes you, you worry too much about the future.
It isn’t here yet and there are so many things outside of your control that can affect that.
In fact Tomorrow may never come.
You, Yes you can in this moment realize, You are beautiful.
You are powerful.
You are loved and can give love.
By giving love you multiply the love that comes back you.
You, yes you, can start today to be grateful for your past and find the wisdom in it.
Live in the now and love.
Love can and will bring a future with more hope, gratitude and love.
It all starts with YOU!

“The childhood traumas that many of us have suffered are largely to do with connection—or, more to the point, lack of it. The original attachments formed with our family units were unhealthy and dysfunctional, leaving us with a nagging sense of being alone—disconnected from ourselves, others, and the world around us. For many people, being physically isolated in their homes is going to be both triggering and re-traumatizing.

Most of us don’t even know that we carry trauma and wounding from childhood. We might suffer with symptoms such as addictions, chronic pain, depression, low self-esteem, or anxiety. We might like our drink a little bit too much, or over-work, or be a tad too fanatic about exercise. We might travel a little too often, always on the run from reality, or socialize obsessively to fend off the loneliness that eats away at us. We may not yet have discovered the pain that lies at the root of these behaviors—because they are designed to keep us from it.

Day-to-day busyness keeps traumatic and invasive memories at bay. Day-to-day activities get in between us and the stored trauma and emotional memory alive in our bodies. In some ways, the day-to-day keeps us from our healing, from dealing with how we are really. But in another sense, it takes the edges off the intolerable. This isn’t always a bad thing. Our day-to-day lives don’t just distract us; they also protect us from the true extent of the hurt that we carry quietly in our hearts.”
Nichole D.