I have suffered from clinical depression for 3 and a half years. I was diagnosed about 2 years ago. I felt really ill a short while later, cold, shaky, weak, very tired and sick. My brother called an ambulance and my parents found out. I was released from hospital at about 6am after monitoring. One of the doctors asked me about s-h so my parents found out about that too. I wasn't planning on really hurting myself - I just wanted to stop feeling so angry and to feel normal again. I slept through the rest of monday, and woke up in the evening - about 5pm. My parents kept checking on me throughout the evening until we all went to bed about 9:30. Most of today they seem to have been pretending that it never happened.

I've been feeling a bit better and I haven't had any mood swings (apart from being tearful) but I'm worried about my parents and my brother as we've all had a very difficult time over the past four years. I didn't tell them how bad I was feeling because I didn't want to worry them, but now I think I've just made it worse. I'm not sure what to do to make it easier for us all. My older brother also suffered from depression, as did my younger brother. My dad was also very depressed for a time (my depression started at around the same time). My mum just holds everything in so I don't know how she's feeling. I'm especially worried about my brother because he's been depressed before and I don't want him to do it again, or reach the stage that I'm at.

Can anyone give me any advice on how to deal with all of this, and how can I say sorry to my family for hurting them? [img]/community/emoticons/sad.gif[/img]

Thanks,

Honehe

Hi honehe, I'm sorry but I had to edit part of your post due to forum rules and guidelines #1 of no discussion of self-injury or suicide intended or not. There are many teens that post on this forum and we wouldn't want them to become influenced by something that we posted that was graphic in nature. Please do understand..Thank you. Elisha

Hi honehe, I wanted to welcome you to healing well forum, we are glad to have you and add you to our group here. It sounds like you went through quite an ordeal and now your having some feelings of quilt for worrying your parents. I wonder if your seeing a psychiatrist or counselor? I would suggest you sit down and write a letter to your parents explaining to them how you feel. It also sounds as if some family counseling is in order but your parents would really be the ones to initiate that. I am sure other members will be along to reply and give you some suggestions. Take care.

Yes, I do understand...I went through something very similar when I was 17. Having my stomach pumped was not a fun experience, but for me I also had an eating disorder which didnt help matters any. I had lots of guilt afterward because of my mom. I know that my intent wasnt to hurt myself but to get my mom's attention (even if it wasnt a conscious choice at the time), which in the end that wasnt the way I should of went about it. After I saw how upset she was worried for me, still to this day (i'm 32 now) I feel guilt.

Keep posting there are many people here that you can relate to I bet and get lot of support and advice.

I had stopped having mood swings since Monday when I was in hospital but now I've started feeling angry again - not as often as last week but I suppose I'm worried that I'll feel as bad as I did then. I've managed to lose half a stone in weight partly because I've been nervous and partly because I haven't had mood swings - I always get a burst of energy when I get angry, which means I put on weight. I'm a bit worried that I'll put the weight back on because my mum always nags me to lose weight even though I exercise and don't eat much. Any ideas on how to sort these problems?

Part of this wonderful experience (sarcasm) is feeling guilty over anything. So understand that part of the guilt isn't real, i mean it feels real but that doesn't mean you actualy DID something wrong. You need to find a way to work around it -if you succeed, let me know how.

Nobody can blame you for the way you feel. Feelings just are. They come, they go, they change; we don't control what we feel. You can only control what you do -and in certain circumstances, not even that. But you are not responsible for how you feel or how your brother feels.

Hon you sound like you have a lot to deal with, and i'm sorry for that. If you ever feel like emailing me, feel free to do so.

Thanks for your replys, they made me feel better. I've felt much happier today. I'm calling up a free local councilling service tomorrow because the waiting list may be shorter than the GPs, so soon (I hope) I'll be getting some sort of treatment. I have been on antidepressants twice, once for over a year, but I'm gonna see how I go for a while off them (it's cheaper that way and I have pretty big debt already!).

Just when I seem to be feeling better, a month after one of my families cats died, now another one has. He died yesterday from heart failure - he was only seven. He was also my cat, he was always following me around. It's surprising how much something like this can effect you.