Spread The F Word

Apr 24, 2009

Y'all saw this right? Got a pretty good rating today. People seem to enjoy it. But wait... not everyone. Not... ARBORISTS!!! The newest addition to the long list of people I've unintentionally offended, the Arborists (The term "Tree Nerd" is no longer PC) are a scruffy bunch, and don't like when inaccurate depictions of tree growth gets in the way of their cartoon enjoyment. I got a handful of emails today, but the following was the best. It begins with the same clever line that can be found in all F Minus hate mail:

I can see why you got an F Minus.Your science is 90 degrees off base and is therefore a poor example for folks – especially children. A tree grows both horizontally and vertically. The top leader and branches grow “up” but the existing stems or trunk grows horizontally out away from it’s center therefore the hook would eventually get engulfed by the bark/tree and to the extreme the two trees would grow together. Your cartoon drawn correctly would have Rip Van Winkle being squeezed together at the same height and not raised vertically; simple high school botany. Were you sleeping in your hammock the day that was taught?(Name omitted), President Landscape Architecture · Site Planning · Land Planning

Once again I am called a poor example for children. I have a question, did anyone actually take botany in high school? Really? Botany class?Here is my response:

Dear (Tree Nerd)Finally! A chance to use your knowledge of plant growth outside of your landscaping job! I suppose you emailed Wile E. Coyote to tell him why his rocket skates wouldn't work too? Or maybe you should tell Charlie Brown that his dog should not be able to fly a plane. You didn't say anything a few days ago when I did a comic about bees shooting stingers out of their butts at children. THAT's not scientifically accurate. But now of course people will be more afraid of bees because of my poor example. I guess I should have paid more attention in bee school.Or maybe it's just a cartoon. -Tony C.

Here's the deal, folks. Maybe he's right about tree growth. It's irrelevant. I would have done the cartoon anyway, because it's just a cartoon. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go jump off a cliff, and float safely down to the ground by holding an umbrella.

Apr 20, 2009

I've been frequenting Goodwill and other thrift stores for things to sledge, shoot into space, or just blow up, and I spotted this amazing item on the random junk shelves. I had to take a picture of it. As far as I can tell, it's a bucket painted to look like a mummy on springy legs with feathery hair. It's possibly the strangest item I've come across so far. I didn't buy it though. I didn't think I'd be able to destroy it, and yet I didn't want it in my house. Still time to enter the contest.

Apr 17, 2009

Happy F Minus Day! Today is the third anniversary of the national debut of F Minus. There are no set traditions for F Minus Day, but there is one special benefit: You can blame anything on the holiday. Slept in late? F Minus Day! Forgot to pay for some items at the grocery? Oh well, it's F Minus Day! Broke parole by leaving the country? F Minus Day! Fell off the wagon? etc.In honor of the special day I'm having a contest. The winner of the contest will receive an F Minus hat, the new F Minus book, and a drawing of the winner in F Minus style! To enter, simply answer these trivia questions:1. What animal appeared in the F Minus national debut comic? 2. Who wrote the introduction for the new book? 3. Which comic featured the first appearance of ROBOBOT? 4. How much do "as is" pets cost?

Email your answers to tony@fminus.net -I will be accepting entries for the next few days. One entry with the correct answers will be chosen at random as the winner.

At the suggestion of commenter Antonio (see his creation above) I am going to launch the yellow ranger into the air on a rocket. It seems so obvious now, I don't know why I didn't think of it before. I'll be sure to share the results. Stay tuned.

Apr 13, 2009

Last night I found this Mighty Morphin Power Rangers action figure in my bedroom. I have never seen it before, and I have no idea how it got there. This isn't the kind of thing that just sticks to your shoe. How did it get there? Is it a clue? A warning? What is my next move?

Apr 4, 2009

Apr 1, 2009

One morning, a few years ago, I woke up and noticed a scribble on my sketchbook. I always keep a sketchbook by my bed in case I come up with an idea during the night. I vaguely remembered waking up and trying to write down a thought in the dark, while giggling. In the light of dawn, the barely legible scribble read:TURTLE STORE-- ANYTHING ELSE I CAN HOSE OFF FOR YOU?I had no idea what it meant. I spent months trying to remember what it meant. I drew the concept a few different ways trying to understand it. Finally, I decided that it had no meaning. It was just late night nonsense. But for some reason, I liked it.Time went by and I never had the guts to use an idea that I knew had no meaning. There are some who would argue I have done this many times before, but the truth is, every comic I have ever done has made a least some sense to me. Yet the turtle store kept popping up in the back of my mind.Then I remembered that April Fool's day was coming up. The perfect excuse! I could draw a comic that makes no sense, and if people get upset, I just yell "April Fools!" and everything would be okay. So that's what I did.And then I waited... -"I am very sorry to bother you, but I can't make sense of today's turtle/hose comic and it's ruining my day. Any explanation you could offer would be greatly appreciated."-"I just don't get it."-"Your cartoon today is the first one that a number of us don’t get. It’s the one about the guy entering a turtle store with a hose and asking, “Anything else I can hose off for you?” Can you give us a clue to the humor in this one?"-"Maybe I'd understand if I had a turtle."-"This was the first comic in over a year I didn't and still don't understand. Help!"-"You've stumped me and my coworkers. is this some kind of April Fools Day comic?"-"WTF was that?"So... April Fools! Thanks for letting me get that comic off my chest. I apologize for any day I might have ruined.