It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.

Lies are easy on social media and by telephone ~ it’s harder to look a person in the eye and tell a black bold-faced lie. Only sociopaths and very practiced deceivers can do that with real conviction. There are plenty of practiced deceivers around.

Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters. ~ Albert Einstein.

Mostly I expect people to lie to me, and mostly I don’t care. I have been lied to far too many times to care very much anymore. The cold-hearted people who have lied to me have diminished themselves more than they have hurt me. Now, with few exceptions I do not allow anyone close enough to me for their lies to matter.

Because of all those lies, I do not trust easily anymore. A broken trust is as cold as the sea in winter.

Life is lonely and bitter without trust. Everyone has to trust the one they care for, and when that trust is broken the taste is bitter and hearts grow cold.

Most good relationships are built on mutual trust and respect. ~ Mona Sutphen

A couple of days ago I told a very close friend, my best friend, that I knew she had lied to me. She did not deny the fact ~ how could she? Everybody lies.

What does it matter that she did not deny that she has lied to me?

More importantly, why did I say that I knew she had lied to me? That achieves nothing good in a relationship.

I’m afraid it’s a hangover from my suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, where I sabotaged and destroyed every relationship and friendship I’ve ever had. Telling someone you care for that you know she has lied to you goes a fair way towards destroying a relationship.

I need to do much, much better than that. My friend deserves much much better than that from me. I deserve much better for myself than that kind of stupid comment. It shows no mindfulness whatsoever.

I’m afraid that, because of the inclement weather, I am spending far too much time alone brooding in the garret. It isn’t good for me, and I know I need to walk near the sea and meditate. I know need to accept people as they are, and not expect them to be the way I wish them to be. I need to accept that sometimes there is a good reason that people have lied to me.

The world is as it is, and not as I would wish it to be. But, perhaps with a lot of effort I can turn this situation around and get past my paranoia.

Never lie, never cheat, never steal.

Everybody lies.

Mostly that doesn’t matter one little bit. Deep down we know when we are being lied to and we act accordingly. Little lies are what makes the world go around. Little lies are the lubrication in relationships. Little lies are what keeps us sane.

I firmly believe that lying is wrong, but I also believe that, in the big scheme of things, little lies may not matter so much.

Big dark lies are destructive, damaging, and dangerous.

Big Lies Matter.

But everybody lies, and that matters when the liars are scientists, doctors, bankers, lawyers, judges, charities, the police, the military, the security services, politicians, prime ministers, and presidents. Big dark lies by the ‘Fat Cats’, and ‘Important People’ ruin lives, affect interest rates, cause financial crashes, get people hurt, and start wars.

This is a nation that has lost the ability to be self-critical, and that makes a lie out of the freedoms. ~ Joni Mitchell

Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is. ~ Barbara Bush

You would really think that a President would follow the example of George Washington and be unable to tell a lie.

Big dark lies by the people you care for ruin relationships, imperil your health, imperil your mental health, cost you a fortune, and lead to nasty things like alcoholism, drug addiction, infidelity, domestic violence… A big dark lie by someone you love can kill you. And, thinking your loved one will ever change and stop lying to you is nothing but wishful thinking.

If you catch someone out in a lie, what can you do about it? Almost nothing.

The chances are that if you have caught someone telling a big dark lie it’s because you’ve been investigating them, for example by following their twitter feed, hacking their emails, listening in on their conversations…. and do you want to admit to that? Spying on liars is almost as bad as lying ~ almost.

The only thing you can do about being lied to is know that you are dealing with a liar, and take everything they say with a very large pinch of salt. In other words, when you know someone is a liar, believe nothing they say until you have got yourself some independent proof. All lies, and all liars, get found out eventually.

Besides, leopards never change their spots, and liars don’t ever stop lying. Catch a liar in a lie and they’ll just strive to become better liars in future.

Lying is addictive. And, once a liar, always a liar.

Some liars are so expert they deceive themselves. ~ Austin O’Malley

But you know what? Once you stop believing the lie, it loses all power over you. Once you know someone is a liar, everything they say is just pointless noise.

Truth, Honour, Honesty ~ In the future I shall live according to these precepts, they are my stairway to serenity and spirituality.

There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting. ~ Buddah

do not lie to myself ~ face up to the facts

do not run away from unpleasant truths and negative feelings

do not set out to deceive

seek out the truth and the whole truth

know the whole truth, do not make assumptions or interpretations

speak and write the truth

but, do not always tell all of the truth ~ sometimes the whole truth is hurtful

do not lie by omission

trust those you trust completely ~ do not half-trust people

avoid the company of liars

Everybody lies…. every day, every hour, awake, asleep, in his dreams, in his joy, in his mourning. If he keeps his tongue still, his hands, his feet, his eyes, his attitude will convey deception. ~ Mark Twain

Dedication to the truth may be a hard road, but it is the road I must follow to the end.

Everybody lies all the time. Lies of commission, lies of omission, white lies, black lies, lies to assuage your feelings, lies to deceive you, lies that will hurt you. The people you care for the most lie to you, your lover lies to you, people in positions of power lie to you, people you don’t even know lie to you, you lie to yourself.

Above all don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love. ~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky

The lies that bind the tightest are those you tell yourself.

It doesn’t matter. Being lied to does not matter. If you truly want to know the truth, then just look inside yourself, the truth is in your soul. You can look though the tangled webs of dark deceit, the traps set by others, and see the things you always knew to be honest, real, and true.

Needing and wanting the brutal and unpolished truth is a rare thing indeed. All of us always know the real truth, but we do not want to listen to the truth, acknowledge it, accept it, or understand it. It is human to want to believe the lie, if the lie is a warmer, kinder, less dangerous thing than brutal honesty.

The truth hurts.

Better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie. ~ Khaled Hosseini

Life can be cruel. Your heart will be broken over and over again. Feelings of crushing disappointment and loss over someone you love and care for will happen. You will be betrayed. People will lie, cheat, and steal from you. The ones you once loved will try to destroy you. It does not matter. Nobody can make you feel anything. Your feelings are your own feelings.

What practical use is all this?

In practical terms, remember this; Information does not have to be true to be useful.

The lies people tell reveal their innermost selves. Stop listening to the lies, instead take a good look at the liar. Liars reveal Everything of themselves in their lies. Everything you could ever want or need to know is just below the surface of the lie. You don’t even have to look very hard. To know the real truth, just accept the things you already know.

You already know the truth, all you need to do is to accept the truth.

But, be very careful, this is a great revelation and a great power. To use it wisely we must first make the utmost effort to stop lying to ourselves. How do we do that difficult thing?

Allow your innermost self the gift of honest love for your own self, for without true self-love we are all liars.

Of course there are other heinous lies such as: I never really loved him / her, it didn’t mean anything, your past doesn’t bother me, I will miss you, I can’t stay long because I have to meet my sister / brother, it wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t me, it was an accident, I forgot, I don’t remember, I don’t care what you do for a living / how much money you have, I’ve never had an STD, I’m not seeing anyone else, you look nice, I’ll do it in a minute….

The more someone asserts that they are telling the truth, the more likely it is they are lying. If you know your partner / friend has told one or all of the above lies, then get as far away from them as you possibly can, as fast as you can, and never once look back.

If you ever come across someone who can say these things truthfully and sincerely, then you have discovered a very rare thing indeed, almost an urban myth, you have found an honourable and honest person.

The truth is rarely pure and never simple. Oscar Wilde, The Importance of being Earnest

Should one always tell the truth? Do you always tell the truth to your partner? The whole truth, without hesitation, deviation or prevarication? Or, like most of the people on this planet are you sometimes guilty of little white lies, lies of omission, and outright bare-faced lies?

It isn’t the truth unless it’s the whole truth, and a secret is the next thing to an outright lie.

Some say that it’s easier to tell the truth to a complete stranger than it is to your partner. And, that what they don’t know can’t hurt them. All I know is that all lies are discovered eventually, and every discovered lie takes away trust. Doing things in the dark doesn’t hide them forever.

I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Telling the ‘Honest to God’ truth is akin to opening a Pandora’s box. One never knows what we are going to discover once the box is open. There may be things in your past that you would rather not admit to. There may be things in your past you think your partner would never understand. Whatever is in your past will come to light eventually, so why not be truthful? Yeah right, never in a million years.

My girl wants to know about me. She has asked to know my secrets and innermost thoughts. She wants to know what drives me, makes me tick, makes me who I am…

I can’t tell her any of that without telling her the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. This requires a huge leap of faith on both our parts. But, because this is something she really needs and wants from me I have to take that leap of faith without asking anything in return. Her trust and happiness will be reward enough.

Or, the things I may tell her could drive us apart. Yet I will tell her the truth, without hesitation, deviation or prevarication. They say confession is good for the soul. She will have my complete honesty. So, help me God.