My oldest boy came home on the bus on December 30th at 7:05 in the morning from the East Coast! My niece, my daughter and I went to the bus station down town to pick him up. For some reasons, my day was thrown off completely even though I woke up at 6:00 every day.

Now, I haven't seen him during the Holidays for two years! Before he even comes home, I've already prepared for his leaving! I don't allow myself to be happy fully because I know that I won't see him around in four days. So my RAW feelings begin.

Well, like most people in this world, I feel abandoned and neglected! I woke up one day, and two out of three children flew the coop. Swoosh, they're gone into their own world! I didn't have time to prepare, to understand, or to realize that they have grown up.

What happened? Where did the time go? Why am I suddenly all alone? They don't call me as often as they should have, and I don't call them thinking that if they don't care, I don't care! Slowly, resentments build in! Pain and ache numb my feelings.

I'm very guarded with my feelings now. I don't think about my kids. I don't miss my kids. I don't talk to them unless they want to talk. Right or wrong, I don't know. I just don't want to feel the agonies of this life's circle.

Is it normal to feel numbed and guarded? Is this where motherhood comes to an end? I know, I still have another one at home, but already I'm prepared for when he leaves home. I can't explain my feelings; I just know that I'm very numb with my thoughts..

The end of the year 2009 is here, and I have nothing better to do than to start a blog! The reason is I want to have a place for my authentic self, a place to air my honest opinions, and yes with a different name, so that if it is too RAW, I won't hurt anybody's feelings.

It is crazy, but I must voice how I feel, the way I feel it without suppressing it anymore! I want to have a canvas to draw on, and to write exactly how the situation or event affected me.

After all, I want to be a writer, and I am a writer with over 350 published articles, plus at least 100+ poems. I am not even close to get all my bills paid yet, but I consider myself successful as what I do. Lately, I don't feel as if I am writing because I always have to play nice, hold back how I feel, and smile...

In search for a place to bring out my soul, this blog comes into existence. I hope you will find it interesting, share a piece of my life, and leave me a comment or two.

This is a story I wrote for my children in 1997! I have a dream of seeing it published in book form some days, but the years keep adding up, and now it is 13 years old. So I will just post it here on my blog for others to enjoy, and hopefully, one day my children will read it too.

This is a series into my childhood memories. What I have written here, is what I've salvaged to remember, from a very long time ago. I don't hold grudges for what happened, but I have grown from those experiences to become who I am today.

By the way, the series starts from A to Coming home, that means read from the bottom up :-)

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