Zombies!

Summary

Zombies are people too ...

Meet George. With his neighbours out for his blood, his coworkers after his hide and his ex-wife going in for the kill, George has had a really bad start to his day. It gets worse when the Zombie apocalypse happens, and people whom he has never even met actually do want to find out what his spleen tastes like (chicken, most likely, everything does, eventually, and with enough mayo). Now that everyone he knows has turned into flesh-eating monsters (well .... except for his ex-wife; she was always a tad blood-thirsty anyway), what’s a man to do but grab the first-aid box, the lunchbox and the ammo box and head for the hills.

Zombies were people too ...

What kind of Zombie outbreak would take it’s chances in the leafy suburbs of Johannesburg, South Africa, undisputed crime-capital of the world? What kind of Zombie outbreak would happen in Johannesburg, a place where even the pitbulls go around in pairs? A place where you can hide a brainless body for years simply by electing it? What kind of outbreak indeed?...This one, that’s what! Zombies have never had it this bad before ... There’s gunfire, explosions, hostage-taking, dismemberment, immolation and disembowelment ... and that’s only the pest control companies fighting the annual rat infestation.

Zombies ate people too ...

These Zombies are tough. These Zombies are mean. These Zombies are frighteningly smart too; smart enough to outwit the cops (although, to be fair to the Zombies, even algae sometimes outwitted the boys in blue) and smart enough to hire their own lawyer, who also turned out to be extremely tough herself ... tough, and a little stringy too.

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Zombies! - Lelanthran Krishna Manickum

gunfire.

Seconds later they were back in the garage, the wide door closing at what seemed like a glacial pace while bullets and shotgun pellets whizzed and zinged into the garage. Fuck! shouted George, Can’t I open even one fucking door without some moron pulling a trigger at me?

Bennie looked at George doubtfully, This sort of thing happens often to you, does it?

Second time today! George replied in frustration.

Good thing they missed this time, hey? Bennie said, What now?

Good question, George thought. He felt that he had just missed something important. His head was hurting, and his thoughts seemed to be flowing through molasses. He exited the Landy and carefully peered through the garage window. It wasn’t looking good at all. The creatures, four of them including, much to his surprise, his ex-wife, were quickly arranging a military siege of the garage. This can’t be happening, thought George. Weren’t ten miserable years of marriage enough punishment? Wasn’t the further humiliating loss of all his possessions during the divorce good enough for her? Now she wanted his actual flesh and blood too?

Gazing at the creatures positioning themselves on either side of the driveway, George realised that he hadn’t yet eaten today; he was still hungry! This was not the time to pause for a bite though; they had to get out of here, and fast. George looked around the garage for ideas. What Would MacGyver Do?George thought, He’d probably make a nuclear reactor out of a piece of string, some chewing gum, old boots and the dog.At the sudden thought of a dog George realised that he hadn’t seen his dog at all today.

Another thought was jostling for attention in his head, but he was thinking of an escape plan. And about dragon-lady out there with a gun (and this time, there was no law to stop her just shooting him - at least in divorce court she’d had to exercise some restraint and was prevented from following through on her threat of castration with a red-hot poker). And his stomach was demanding to be fed. And now, suddenly, he remembered that his dog had vanished. The new thought that was struggling to make it to the front of his brain had no chance in the face of all this competition. All George knew was that he was missing something important.

Nevermind, it would come to him sooner or later. Sooner, if it was all that important.