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Blogmas Day 23: 10 Things 2016 Taught Me About Myself

Friday, December 23, 2016

The year 2016 has been full of ups and downs for myself. Overall it's been a good year but I am hoping that 2017 will be even better.

One thing I like to do from time to time is to look back on past situations, learn from them and move on. I feel as though I have changed a lot and there are a lot of things I learned about myself this year.

1. I am resilient.

I've been through a lot but I can bounce back and I don't have to let things get me down. I seem to have the ability to endure and handle tough situations without giving in and breaking down. After all, I am not a doormat, I can cope with rejection and I will always find a way to pick myself back up whenever I am knocked down.

2. I am stronger than I realise.Linked to the previous point, I have been through so much this year. I admit, I have a hard time letting things go because I am very sensitive and I can't tolerate being hurt or treated poorly by others. It's because I was very badly hurt as a child and at university so sometimes I feel depressed, angry and resentful at the world. I've been in some tough situations but I have remained strong and kept my head held high and I will always be proud of myself for that. Once again, it's all about the power of endurance.

3. I am more than capable of achieving my goals...

...and I have the ability to do so. I have had a lot of "I'm going to pursue this no matter what" moments and after going through certain situations this year, I've come to realise that life is too short to be stuck in a miserable rut. It's time for me to follow my dreams, achieve my goals and do the things I have always wanted to do.

4. I am able to have confident and faith in myself and my abilities, even when others don't have confidence and faith in me.Growing up, a lack of self-esteem crippled me to the point where I didn't have confidence in myself and my abilities. I didn't have any self-belief, I always doubted myself and I didn't have any compassion for myself. That changed when I entered my final year of university. I knew then that I was capable success - now matter how much certain people at university tied to undermined me and tear down my ambitions - and I realised that it was important for me to be confident in myself as a writer. Unfortunately I've had moments this year where a lot of doubts and assumptions were placed upon me. I've had loads of jobs but several months ago I worked in a role where my hard work and efforts weren't being appreciated, and because I wasn't perfect and because I wasn't 'like everyone else' I was made to feel as though I was a failure by default. It became clear that there was no confidence and faith in me no matter how hard I had tried to prove myself, but I am a talented writer and my imperfections and snide remarks will never change that fact.

5. I need to hone my passion and protect it...

...and it's important for me to thrive in an environment where my skills, talents and passions are celebrate, acknowledged and recognised. I am a writer and I am determined to pursue a successful career that allows me to use my skill. Most importantly, it's important for that passion to be respected, not killed off. In one of my jobs this year I felt as though I was expected to be a robot and the job literally destroyed my enthusiasm for writing as well as knocking my confidence. I don't ever want to be in that position again. I want to be in a position where being a high-quality writer is admired.

6. When one door closes for, another one opens.I am able to look for opportunities elsewhere. After being sneakily weeded-out of my graduate job I realise that I am better off elsewhere and I am better off carving out a successful career for myself. In relation to my previous point, I need to be able to work in an environment that allows me to reach my potential, thrive and progress, not a role where I am thrown into the deep end and expected to sink or swim. I know I am more than deserving (not entitled) to wonderful things and I know that I deserve the best. I am hoping to achieve many goals in 2017 as well as becoming the ultimate girlboss. This month I interned at a couple of national magazines and I really enjoyed my time there. The people there were so lovely (hello if you are reading!) and I felt so comfortable, even though I was only there for a short while. That was one of the best opportunities I have ever had and I will always be grateful and that's what I want - to gain fantastic opportunities that tap into my potential.

7. I don't need to waste my time on people who don't appreciate me.I tried, I really did try, but it seems as though no matter how hard I try sometimes my efforts were constantly thrown back in my face and certain people were always finding any excuse to put me down and pick on my flaws. I have since learned the hard way that there is absolutely no point in wasting time on people who don't make the effort, are unkind, are unappreciative, have zero interest in helping me to reach my potential and are just downright rude, spiteful, toxic and manipulative. Life is far too short for any of that nonsense and I really don't have the time, effort or energy to entertain any of it.

8. Other people opinions and false assumptions of me are not my problem.2016 was the year when I truly stopped caring about what others thought of me. All my life this is something I struggled with because as a child I was constantly seeking approval - I wanted to please people and I wanted people to like me. Now, I just don't care.In order to stop caring what others think it's important to have high levels of self-esteem, self-worth and self-compassion. Over time, my confidence levels are slowly increasing. Also, I've come to realise that no matter what I do, there will always be people out there who will judge me no matter what but their nasty opinions don't matter.

9. I really don't give a damn.Like I said, I just don't care what others think about me! Other people's thoughts of me are not my business whatsoever. I just don't care!10. I have power over my life that I did not realise I have.For the very first time in my life I feel as though I now possess a sense of power and control over my life. I think that's because I see things differently now and I have a different mentality. For the first time I believe that my life is my own and I believe that I can be who I am and who I want to be. For so many years self-doubt and lack of confidence and self-esteem killed off my chances to pursue my dreams but not anymore. I believe in taking action and pursuing your dreams no matter what. No more excuses, staying stuck in a terrible rut, snide remarks from naysayers and bouts and self-doubt - it's time for me to make something of myself and achieve the goals I was always destined to achieve.