Laugh Lines

Off and On: "George W. Bush is catching heat for his relaxed campaign schedule. He even vacationed during the Democratic National Convention. Hyundai named its new car after him because sometimes it runs and sometimes it doesn't." (Argus Hamilton)

Coming Soon: "This November, CBS will air a miniseries called 'American Tragedy.' It's the story of O.J. Simpson. And CBS thought it didn't have many viewers now!" (Jerry Perisho)

To Die For: "According to new findings, the No. 1 way homicide is committed in the U.S. is with a gun. . . . And the runner-up is forcing someone to listen to a Kathie Lee CD." (Andrew Wisot)

Party Central: "New York Gov. George Pataki announced plans to convert the original Woodstock Music Festival [site] into a performing arts center. We already have a place noteworthy for mudslinging, wild music and nudity--the White House." (Kenny Noble Cortes)