Before I get into my thoughts on this chapter though I have an exciting announcement to make. Sage Cohen, the author of the book Writing the Life Poetic, has volunteered to answer any questions for us when we wind up the series. I'll need to send them to her in advance so please, send in your questions now, or in the next few weeks. You can either post them as a comment in the blog (here or at Laura's) or you can email them to me at susan AT susantaylorbrown dot com

Now, on to Chapter 33 and the discussion of line breaks. I was so glad to see this chapter because line breaks is one of the things I most struggle with in my poems. I felt a bit better when she said she thought ten poet laurerates would break a poem in ten different ways. But of course, being a rule follower, I wanted to know the RIGHT way to do it. But I think the message here is there is no right or wrong way, there is only the way of the individual poet based on what they want the reader to feel, to take away, as they read the poem. Some line breaks will be a leisurely stroll and some will feel like you're on a runaway train.

The line breaks that confuse me most of all are the ones that break mid-idea and leave me hanging. I keep studying the poem to see if I can discover the answer to why it breaks a certain way but usually I can't. This is part of what makes me feel dumb about poetry because I want to understand that which often can't be understood but only felt. I like the idea she gives that you want to end the line on the word you want the reader to linger on a bit longer.

I think line breaks will always be hard for me until I learn to trust myself as a poet.

I chose the first exercise she listed. She took the poem Lake and Maple by Jane Hirshfield and wrote it in paragraph form and then suggested that we try putting in the line breaks. I haven't read that poem before so it is all new to me. I'll go looking for a copy after I play with my own line breaks with it (in the comments.)

Comments

First, here is the excerpt of the poem, Lake and Maple by Jane Hirshfield.

I want to give myself utterly as this maplethat burned and burned for three days without stinting and then in two moredropped off every leaf; as this lake that,no matter what comes to its green-blue depths, both takes and returns it. In the still heart that refuses nothing, the world is twice-born -- two earths wheeling,two heavens, two egrets reaching down into subtraction; even the fish for an instant doubled, before it is gone.

And here is my attempt at breaking the lines.

I want to give myself utterly as this maple that burned and burned for three days without stinting and then in two more dropped off every leaf; as this lake that, no matter what comes to its green-blue depths, both takes and returns it. In the still heart that refuses nothing, the world is twice-born -- two earths wheeling,two heavens, two egrets reaching down into subtraction; even the fish for an instant doubled, before it is gone.

Thanks, Laura. It's really fascinating to see how many variations we can get with line breaks and how many different feelings arise as a result. (Went to bed thinking I had responded to everything here last night...obviously not.)

Thanks, Laura. I find that the more I mess with line breaks, the more I feel like I am breaking the poem in too many places and losing what I want to say. This is really one of my toughest areas to work on because I know the breaks rarely come out right the first time but the more I move them, the more I doubt myself.

Cindy, interesting thought about the short lines speeding too fast though it can be that it is like a "buzz buzz" of a bee. I might play with different words, longer words but still short lines. What an exercise. How to decide that a poem is ever done?

I agree. I keep messing and messing with lines and eventually begin to feel like it's just a random decision sometimes. Or that there are just too many possibilities. Like a Chinese restaurant menu that leaves me with no idea what I really want.

I don't tend to think about shape in a poem but that's probably something I ought to consider. :)

I need to find the book that talked a lot about the weight of words, like you did in your article. Shoot. This is why we need this discussion, so we can come back and find things when our minds can't call them up anymore.

Interesting. I like the idea of couplets because it does seem to complement the idea of two's in the poem. But I like the first version best. The couplets at the beginning of the second version feel distracting to me, but the ones you used at the end of the first version feel perfect.

I recently revised a novel and one of the things I noticed in revision was my tendency to feel like I needed specific time place transitions. (This could have been because I set myself such a specific time period of three weeks for the action to occur.) But still I felt a stiffness in that need, if that makes sense. So often novelists move from on scene/one time segment to another without any transition. Just moving on. Then in poetry, especially adult poetry there is so often a seeming jump from one idea/image to the next without any transition and often without any seeming connection. I'm sure it's there in the poet's mind, but it's not always apparent to the reader. It's a concept I struggle with in both forms.

I agree with line breaks being mysterious. And I confess to not being able to explain myself very well with my verse novel when I was asked why I was breaking a certain poem in a certain way. Obviously I need to look behind my own mysterious curtain once in a while. :)

I tried creating my line breaks before reading others' comments, attempting to break on strong words and have a balanced look to the poem. Hmmm. Mine is very different than those above, and the authors.

I want to give myself utterly as this maple that burned and burned for three days without stinting and then in two moredropped off every leaf; as this lake that, no matter what comes to its green-blue depths, both takes and returns it. In the still heart that refuses nothing, the world is twice-born -- two earths wheeling,two heavens, two egrets reaching down into subtraction; even the fish for an instant doubled, before it is gone.

It was interesting to see what everyone did with this poem, and what Susan did with her personal poem. Laura, your linked post was extremely useful.

I had hoped to find some hard and fast rules to follow, but personal preference seems to play a major role in deciding where to break lines. This does not boost my confidence, but it is useful to know.

Ellie, I think Laura nailed it with your poem. I got an image of an angry person shaking her fist at the world trying to get them to understand that it was gone, everything was gone. A lot of emotion conveyed just with the line breaks. This amazes me.

I hear you on not getting much of a confidence boost. Sigh. I think though, that one thing I am getting most from this journey with this book is that I need to learn to trust myself more...to trust my ear that is telling my own story.

I wrote my variations on the poem before reading any of the comments. Then, forced myself to post them before I read, too. So here are my experiments.

Version 1

I want to givemyselfutterlyas this maple that burnedand burned for three dayswithout stintingand then in two moredropped off every leaf;as this lakethat, no matter what comesto its green-blue depthsboth takes and returns it. In the still heart, that refusesnothing, the worldis twice-born--two earths wheeling,two heavens,two egrets reachingdown into subraction;even the fish for an instant,doubled,before it is gone.

Version 2

I want to give myself utterlyas this maple that burned and burnedfor three days without stintingand then in two more dropped off every leaf;as this lake that, no matter what comesto its blue-green depths, both takesand returns it. In the still heart, that refuses nothing,the world is twice-born--two earths wheeling, two heavens, two egretsreaching down into subtraction;even the fish for an instant doubled,before it is gone.

Okay. Now I'll go back and read posts and try to comment before the weekend is over.

And I just want to say thanks for letting me hang with you guys. I've really enjoyed this.

Dori, love having you join us on this poetic journey. I like both of your examples though I think I'm drawn more to the first one. One thing I'm learning about myself is that I tend to like lots of line breaks. :)

It is very freeing to play around with line breaks! I love messing around with punctuation, too. I saw a quote today that I wanted to turn into a poem, which is really just an exercise in line breaks.

I have a possible question for Sage...I read somewhere that posting a poem on your site does not count as publishing it, so you can still submit it places as "unpublished." Does that match what you have run across? Does it matter if it's been posted on other sites? Just wondering "where the line is."

Who am I?I was born on the Cancer/Leo cusp and share a birthday with Ernest Hemingway and Robin Williams. The similarities don't stop there as I can go from depressed to ecstatic without ever passing go. I feel scared most of the time though my friends call me brave and I find it easier to believe in my friends than to believe in my own abilities to make what I want out of my life.

Who am I? A wife, a mother, a daughter, and even, gulp, a grandmother.

Who am I? A writer who never gets tired of playing with words, even when the words are hard to find. A writer of books for children and articles for grown-ups and many things in-between.

"Successful writers are not the ones who write the best sentences. They are the ones who keep writing. They are the ones who discover what is most important and strangest and most pleasurable in themselves, and keep believing in the value of their work, despite the difficulties."
--Bonnie Friedman

"As writers, we must be willing to feel our sadness, our anger, our terror, so we can reach in and find our sweet vulnerability that is just sitting there waiting for us to come back home."
--Nancy Slonim Aronie

"Writers write about what obsesses them. You draw those cards. I lost my mother when I was 14. My daughter died at the age of 6. I lost my faith as a Catholic. When I'm writing, the darkness is always there. I go where the pain is."
--Anne Rice