Author: Jenni Korpal

I'm a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. I'm a visionary and an entrepreneur. Most importantly, I'm a child of the most High God. I have a deep desire to seek Christ in all I do, to be a light and to shine for Him. I hope to be an encouragement, and an advocate for your health journey. I want to support your Whole Health Healing--to help Weave Christ into Hearts, Health, and Happiness. It's time to fulfill God's plan for our lives. I'm ready!

Tomorrow I will…do better. Yes, tomorrow I will be more patient, more loving, more perfect.

But today, that fear still tries to set in.

I never let them finish the story they started in the middle of brother’s math lesson.

How could I lose my patience when all they were doing was laughing?

I didn’t play that game I said I would.

I didn’t read another chapter.

I didn’t show them that picture.

I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t…

They had to see me frustrated. Why am I not more calm?

They had to see the mess. Why can’t I keep up?

They had to see me overwhelmed and exhausted. Why is this so hard?

I hope they saw how much I love them. Goodness, I sure love them.

Tomorrow…maybe tomorrow.

But today…

Today they saw you start your day with that bible open.

Today they saw you stop in the middle of washing dishes to see their new dance move.

Today they felt your love when you hugged them every time they walked past for a hug.

Today they felt safe when boundaries were set.

Today they saw you provide them with clean clothes, warm meals, and love.

LOVE.

Today they heard you pray when things got tough…

…And give praise when you saw the countless blessings.

Today they saw your patience when brother interrupted a math lesson for a story.

Today they felt special when you read that one chapter.

Today they saw your smile, the special look you give when they make you giggle, and all the ways you are uniquely their…momma.

And today, they saw you momma. When you fell to your knees with tears in your eyes, asking the one true God to give you strength to be the mommy He wants you to be. To surrender your desires, your sin, your failures, and simply be. Be His.

So tonight, praise Him. Breath in the grace He gives. Rest in knowing that in this journey of motherhood…they see you.

And they don’t just see your mess-ups, they see your apologies.

They don’t just see your struggle, they see you seeking wisdom.

They don’t just see failure, they see the power of GRACE.

They see us, moms.

(Peek back on your phone and see what pictures they sneak. Probably lots of selfies, funny faces, but perhaps one like this…you on your knees, broken yet restored…It’s amazing what they indeed see.)

This is what I saw when I looked into my once beautiful, raised bed of green beans. I was so bummed. So much work had gone into this garden, and I didn’t want to give up on the harvest. We planted, tended to and harvested some, but I envisioned much more. So, I decided on that gorgeous summer day that tomorrow…I’d rip out the bed and just start over.

Alive. Overcoming. Renewed.

This is what happened when I let go of my control of this raised bed of green beans. While I had given up and basically decided the work I put in had reached its peak, there was major transformation. And to my amazement, my garden had come alive again. I had gone out with the intention to tear out the old, and when I slowed down and looked a little closer, I gasped. There was new growth taking over the once bug eaten, wind beaten, “dead” beans. So, I again began to nurture, have patience, and in a sense rest in the hope of the new harvest. And for two more months, we had some of the most beautiful green beans and by far the largest harvest we’ve ever had.

Now, some of you may be wondering, “Why are you writing about your garden box of beans?” And I, myself, wondered why this garden box of beans kept resonating with me. Why did I keep thinking about the beauty in the new growth? And then it hit me. It reminded me of how I often feel, and even how many others may feel as well.

Beaten down. Worn out. Useless.

This is often how I feel when I refuse to release control of my life. When I fail and pivot, fail and pivot, fail and fail and fail. When I focus on everything I try to do to grow so that the harvest will be great. When I work so hard to make it count, but still fall short. When life happens and I forget what is actually happening behind the scenes in certain seasons. When I want to give up and just throw out the old and start over.

Alive. Overcoming. Renewed.

This is what Christ does in our lives. When we do all we can, and it still isn’t enough in the natural, we tend to give up. Perhaps we want to start all over again and just throw out the old. But isn’t it amazing how God is working “behind the scenes” all along? When we slow down and look a little closer, we can gasp. He is growing us in new ways while our old selves are dying. When we feel like we are used up and have no more to give, He breathes new life into us. He is making things new and beautiful in ways we could never do on our own. He is growing us so that His glory is the ultimate harvest.

Whether we are in a season of living in the new or dying to the old, I think it’s an awesome reminder to know that He is always working. He can make worn out, refreshed. He can make anxious hearts, peaceful. He can make sick, well. He can make broken, alive. He can make anger, love. And today, I’m leaning on that truth.

How about you? Have you seen His work when you had done all you can and wanted to give up? Have you seen His beauty come alive amongst the broken? I’d love to hear your story.

Peace vs. Freak-out mode. These seem to be the two extremes I used to experience. Nothing in between. Either good or bad. One extreme or the other. Until I didn’t anymore. And now I have peace, some freak out modes, but so many in-betweens. And while it isn’t necessarily “easier” in the moment, it’s now easier, in between the moments. And for that, I’m grateful. Peaceful.

To give a little background; one of my strongest memories of these extremes was in college. I had a plan. I planned to be a dentist. No plan B. No need for a plan B because I had THIS plan. Until I didn’t. Because that door was closed. Plan destroyed. Freak out. Too many why’s. Too many why nots. Too much that was completely out of my control. No peace. It was this constant stirring of discontent because my plans didn’t turn out the way I wanted them. Constant stirring, wondering, increased pride and walls went up. Time went on, new plans came into play (and later I of course saw God’s hand in it all along) yet I never truly changed MY approach to planning.

Fast forward many years and my, how things have changed. But not without many more moments that included freak out mode. What was wrong with me? I was trying so hard. Praying so much. Doing all the things. Until I wasn’t…What was this journey I was on? Why were things becoming so much more difficult? So many more emotions? So many more feelings? SO much conviction?

Not too long ago, a friend reached out asking for some help. She said she wanted to be more at peace with the highs and lows of the day. She asked how I could remain so at peace when there were so many things out of my control. I was actually taken quite back, because to me, I didn’t really feel as though I appeared to be peaceful. Even when feeling peaceful, I honestly feel like a hot mess most of the time! I’m just ok with it now. But I also took some time to pray about this and really dig into what had changed. I truly wanted to understand more so I could be of real encouragement to her. Because when I thought about it, I really did have a new sense of peace even compared to just a couple of years ago.

And then it hit me. And it actually hit me when my sweet middle son said the most amazing yet simplest thing. We were driving and he was asking why the headlights didn’t show more of the road ahead than they did. I tried to give some kind of (probably too wordy) explanation and his response was more than he knew it was. “Oh, ok that makes sense. You don’t need to see that far ahead because you aren’t even there yet.”

That was it! That is what had changed. Tons of emotions filled me and I couldn’t wait to get home and have some true quiet time to really listen to all that was coming to me. For years I had tried to have my entire life figured out. I have been very stubborn with my desires and dreams. I have been very set in my ways of how I want things to be. While I would pray (and pray hard) I also continued time and time again to take the outcome into my own hands. Sure, I would say I trusted God, and I did to the best I was allowing. But in hindsight, I was walking in pride and very independent of God’s true plans.

Until I wasn’t. But even that was out of my control. God had been nudging me for quite some time to slow down. In several areas of my life, I had again taken control of blessings I had prayed about, and made my own plans with them. Through prayer and hard work, I was destroying so much in my own strength, but intending to do good. So, with multiple warnings, those tugs and nudges became strong shoves. I was forced to do exactly what I was supposed to do, and that was slow down. Refocus. Reprioritize. And let go of my plans. Even writing this, I’m filled with so many emotions of joy in the journey. All the things I thought I had such control of were changing. And if I’m being honest, I have had moments of anger about it. I liked the way things were going. I liked those plans. Until I didn’t.

Now, I’m peaceful. I can finally say I don’t know the plans that are for me. But I do know and trust that they are good. I don’t know what path will be taken next. But I know I will be led. There are so many things I don’t know, because I’m not there yet. I’ve learned to focus more on the moment and get fuel for that moment. I have learned to be ok with not being ok because that too, is part of my story. To be humbled and broken. To live in true peace. To be ok with not always have such a strategic plan. And knowing that not having such a plan doesn’t make me lazy. It doesn’t make me unmotivated. It makes me obedient in this season that I’m in. It makes me experience a peace that I’m supposed to have. It makes me ok with the highs and lows of the day. It makes me ok with having a long journey of growth ahead.

Unfortunately, this was a bit too much to try and explain to my friend in a single conversation. The journey is usually much deeper than words can ever express. But God sure has shown up. And through my struggles I know he is making me new and going to use me to be a light; to encourage others. And I can pray He continues to grow my friend on the journey He has for her. Ultimately, He will be glorified.

How do you do with letting go of plans you have had? How do you do with truly resting in the arms of our Father above? Take some time to really be still and reflect on this. What story does your journey tell?

I love the tugs and nudges I get on a daily basis. I love taking the focus off me, and instead turning it to Him. And I love sharing what God has done in me. May it encourage you in whatever season of life you are in.

Moments come and go, but are we truly living? Ask yourself that question. This has been something that I’ve been intentionally looking at and even changing my mindset about; I’ve been exposing my heart in this matter. You can peek at my post on that transformation as well. What does it mean to truly live, and how can I set myself up for success with the guidance of the one who truly knows my plans? Do I have a key role in this type of living? I have found that having a great morning routine makes all the difference in my day, even in my week.

There are some endeavors I’m really consistent with and others that are on my “get consistent at” list. Obviously, everyone is unique in what makes them feel prepared for the day. If these aren’t of importance to you, I encourage you to take a look at your own “intentional plan” to get your days rocking from the start! I’d love to hear from you and what you do daily, as well.

Pray. That’s right, the very first thing I do BEFORE getting out of bed, is pray. I have specific things I say each and every day, and I always ask for guidance through each and every part of my day. I know that I’m not in control, yet I tend to try and take control. So, by praying early on, I release my “need” to be in charge! I also give thanks for the beauty that I’m blessed with in my life. I talk to God before talking to the world.

Coffee. Delicious coffee. I love everything about coffee; the beans I grind, the coffee pot I use, the smell and the sound of the drip, and of course that first sip. Are you with me? I am currently hooked on all Jameson Coffee and love that I can get it locally!

Quiet time, Devotional, Bible study. This was not the norm for me 10 years ago. I became a little more consistent 7 years ago, and this time was a must do 5 years ago. I grew up knowing Christ and having a relationship with him to some extent, but it wasn’t until I went through some major life changes and even pain that I felt such a strong need to know Him more. Through daily study and quiet time, I have a strong thirst to have a day full of worship. I’ve learned through this quiet time that quiet time isn’t a picture-perfect hour of deep prayer and stillness. It can sometimes be messy, confusing, tear-filled, even feeling lost. But it is also life altering, even so much that I can’t express it but rather I can only encourage you to dig into the word each day! Overtime, you will find your own transformation that keeps you in total awe.

Snuggle my boys. This is one of my favorite parts of the day. I absolutely love the morning snuggles of my sweeties, snuggly in their jammies, morning stillness, soft cheeks and hands wrapped around my neck, and blankets snuggled to make it all that much better. These are moments I try not to take for granted because I know they won’t last forever. These are the moments I longed for when I worked outside of the home as a teacher. These are the moments that make me even more excited that God chose our family to homeschool. These are the moments that allow me to slow down, to breath in His goodness, and experience such deep gratitude. These are the moments.

Make my bed. Ok, so I’m a little OCD when it comes to tidiness. While I’ve lessened my reigns a TON over the past 5 years, I still have a need for order. I’m still trying to give up the pride and control of this “need”, but we are all a work in progress, right? When I at least have my bed made, even when many other rooms may get destroyed during our school day, I can still walk into at least one room and feel calm. I can escape for a few moments and sit on that made bed, and say an extra prayer for patience, cry when I’m in overwhelm, or simply read a story to one of my sweeties who want some extra momma time. That made bed is a simple step to set up the rest of the day.

Feed the crew. Anyone with kids knows this can be quite a to do! And anyone with boys knows this is multiplied by 100. Well having 3 boys, 2 of which are big eaters and one that is a part time big eater, means in order to truly live, which is a daily desire, we have to fuel up! We have your usual eggs, oats, maybe even some pancakes or muffins (we are loving the Kodiak cakes these days. My boys are huge helpers in the kitchen. They wash and crack the eggs, my oldest even scrambles them himself now! They will wash the fruit, fill the blender for their shakes, and of course, the youngest loves setting the table with more napkins than are ever used. It’s a team effort and I love the time we have in the kitchen together. We also make sure to take our supply of vitamins and minerals because we all have needs that our diets don’t give us, even when we eat as healthy as we can! We all have quite an array of nutrients we take in supplement form to make sure we are our best self. My kids don’t let me forget this step! I’m also lucky in that this is my home-based business; because I also get to help other families get healthier each day!

Quick Chores. Again, setting the day for smooth success is the idea. A quick start of laundry and making sure dishes are done helps me feel prepared to move forward. The kids have their quick morning routines to complete as well; get dressed, brush teeth, make bed, and tidy room. I ask them to get dressed and do their “3 things” and they know what I expect. (They also have other chores, but these are done before we start the school day.)

Mental plan of daily goals, and peace in the soul that it probably won’t go as planned. Ok, it won’t go as planned. Because I tend to over plan. My husband laughs because I have all this stuff I’d like to accomplish, and sometimes, it’s not realistic. This is another area of pruning. We are on a journey, not reaching a destination, right? So, when I have a mental plan of what I’d like to accomplish, I also have to release my desire to control the actual outcome. There will be moments that opportunities come up to go on an unplanned walk to admire the beauty of the day, opportunities to slow down the pace and address character issues in one of the kids (or momma!), opportunities to read a book that wasn’t on the school agenda, opportunities to teach one of the kids something new in the kitchen or in the back yard, opportunities to serve someone, maybe even an opportunity to take a nap!

Basically, we all have plans. We all have priorities. What I’ve loved experiencing, is the transformation of these priorities to match the priorities of the One who is truly in control. While I’d love to have my workout time before the kids wake a priority, or even getting some business planned before we begin school, I’ve learned that the season of life I’m in, also has a season of priorities. And when we slow down enough to listen and let Him lead, those priorities do get shifted, but not in a way that we feel like failures or unfulfilled. In fact, I feel more peaceful and fulfilled than I did when I was trying to keep up with my own hustle and bustle, my own plans, and my own vision (with disappointment when it didn’t actually work my way).

When these priorities get shifted, we have a different perspective on events that we face through the day. We have a different peace when we rest. We lessen the guilt of motherhood and not being enough. We allow Him to guide us, to fill us, and to give us peace. We experience a new level of living. And it makes us hunger for more of that true life!

What is your morning routine? Do you have one? Do you crave one? Pray about it. See what He shows you. And be ready to change, to perhaps intentionally change.

I used to look at my days and weeks with the, “If there is an opening, I can fill it” mentality. I’ve always liked to squeeze in as much as I can in the time I’ve been given. Even to this day I find myself trying to squeeze in one more (unimportant) task before rushing out the door, usually making us late.

When I would look at our days, I would look to see what “good” we could fill them with. Who we could meet up with, where we could go for errands, what projects we could accomplish, how many things I would achieve off my to-do list. These fillers to our day were all good, and often fun, but they weren’t letting me take time for what was really important. Conversations. Rest. Peace. Intentionality.

I often would feel some nudges if you will, to slow down. Scriptures I’d read, sermons or podcasts, even conversations with friends, would encourage me to slow down. But sometimes we don’t listen to the nudges and we need a big whack across the face, am I right? Sometimes we need to be stopped instead of slowed.

I’m thankful (can finally say that) for some stopping that has happened in our lives. While I still love meeting up with friends, running errands, projects, and to-do lists. I love even more having gaps in the day to take the time to answer the 100 questions my 3-year-old has about all the things we do in the day to day. I love taking the time to talk about a tough situation we may experience with friends or strangers with my very inquisitive sons. I love having the slowed time to shape the characters of our boys. (Because character building is a full-time job, don’t you agree?!) I appreciate the moments to stop and gaze at the clouds while reading on our deck. I am glad to be rid of the guilt of not working enough, or not being and doing enough. I love answering the daily question we ask one another, “what was the best part of your day?” and being able to smile though thinking about the joy and peace throughout the day.

There are certain aspects of parenting that each of us look at differently. But most of us have certain things we want to model well for our children as well as enable them to understand the value of these choices. This takes time. Often time to even realize our vision for our families.

It takes time for us to plan healthy meals and explain the importance of fueling our body with good nutrition. It takes time to serve others and help instill the value of caring for others without the expectation to gain something in return. It takes time to school at home and find what flow fits. It takes time to model the characteristics of a lifestyle by design that is honoring to God and not always easy. It takes time. I’m sure you’re reading this right now, thinking of your own values that take time for your family.

It isn’t always easy to experience change when you take pride in your plans. I loved being able to “juggle” everything. I like feeling accomplished. And while these desires haven’t totally gone away, (and not that they are even always bad), my heart needed transformed. I needed a perspective shift. For every yes I would say to an outside activity, I was saying no to the special, slowed moments that we now have because we finally have some healthy boundaries.

Life is a journey as we all know. It’s not a destination. While I’ve seen God move mountains in my life and the lives of others, I know that there are many more mountains we will face. I have so much more to learn, so much more to let go of. But I am encouraged at the changes that have taken place and I want to ask you, what are you taking the time for? Some may be saying, “all that sounds nice, but I don’t have time to…” What do you desire, versus what are you experiencing? Do you have the underlying peace that is promised, or is it complete chaos and you’re desperate for a change? It’s not always easy, and it’s not always popular. It’s also not always an “all or none” approach.

Take some time. Pray. Be still. Journal. Ask. Listen. I bet you’ll be amazed at what you’re shown. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, it may take…time.

What do you think? I’d love to hear!

Ecclesiastes 3:1-22

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; …

Can there be too much of a good thing? I’m sure the answers we would get when asking 20 people that question would vary. Even my own answer could vary based on what “thing” I was talking about.

So how has this question had such a powerful impact on me right now? Can you try to improve too much? Can you read good books too much? Can you get too much valuable input? Can you have too much noise? Can YOU try to be too much?

There is so much noise. Even good things have created so much noise. I have found over the years that I get very easily over-stimulated. I noticed it in my kids, and that’s actually how I noticed it in myself. (Funny how God shows us!) I found that after very busy days, I almost had a brain hangover, we called it. So much noise. Loud days would transform into loud weeks and before I knew it, I started feeling this over-stimulation, brain hangover, more than I didn’t.

But why? All the things were good. I had created margin for our day. I had learned to say no. I had discovered triggers that pushed me into this brain hangover. I had been improving in so many areas that I felt the need to grow in. And I had prayed about all of them so WHY was I starting to feel this anxiety when I was also feeling such peace?

So much noise.

Podcasts. Books. Input. Social Media. Radio. Laughter. Phone conversations. Stimulants, good or bad, they were creating so much noise because I had allowed them to cloud the TRUTH of who I am.

I have been self-helping myself into crazy. I was taking in too much self-help, even though it was good, and it was overpowering the truth of who I am in Christ. I began ranking my worth by how well I measured up to the things I wanted to change in the first place. Craziness. The reason I was drawn to some of the podcasts, books, and social media profiles in the first place was encouragement not comparison. I already know comparison is the thief of joy. I don’t (intentionally) compare. I can celebrate differences in myself and other women and be ok and excited with who I am. God made us different on purpose for His purpose. These things I know. So why the shift in over-stimulation? Why the brain hangover? Why the confusion?

With anything, when we try to take matters in to our own hands, intentionally or not, God will humble us. I’m guilty. I’m getting better at praying about something and asking God to work in my life. Sometimes, I’m really good about “letting go and letting God.” But I also still struggle with pride, not intentionally, and it catches up with me.

I am good at seeing my flaws. God is good at showing me who I am in Him. I am good at wanting to change. God is good at changing me in His time. I am good at being inpatient with the progress and rushing results (also unintentional of course).

Anyone else? Anyone else feeling like you have too much of a good thing and you may just need to slow the noise? Is it good or is it God? I had to ask myself that, and it even took my sweet husband showing me that I have a lot of self-help going on. Are we letting God do the help?

I still think all the things I have are good. There are awesome podcasts I will still listen to, books I’ll keep reading, and conversations I’ll continue having. But I see that my heart isn’t letting God do the work. I am trying to be good, but am I letting God do the work? I’m trying to control the refining in my time. But His promises remain true. Am I feeding those good things to my mind? More than the self-help? Am I allowing quiet or filling it with good noise?

I am being transformed. 2 Corinthians 3:18

I am capable. Philippians 4:13

I am gifted with power, love & a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

I am complete in Christ. Colossians 2:9-10

In Jenni-fashion, I took too much of a good thing. Good intentions. Good resources. They are even God-focused. But when I hurry the process, when I have so much noise, I am not letting the quiet guide me. The true, peaceful, transformation. While not always easy, and not without growing pains, but also not in my control.

God is always a breath of fresh air. He will help us find the balance of waiting patiently through refining and walking in active faith. I’m so thankful for His good pouring over my control. Such a breath of fresh air in all this noise.

Do you ever get in a funk? I mean a self-pity, clouded vision, lack of motivation, funk? I’d love to say it’s never happened to me, then again, if it didn’t then I may not be writing about it! I’ve been there. It’s hard. It’s like, you know you don’t like the negative thought pattern, and you tell yourself to stop, but then it keeps coming back. It’s a cycle of hope, battle of the mind, guilt, repentance, hope, battle of the mind, guilt, repentance…pure brokenness.

Have you ever prayed and looked so hard for an answer but miss it? Maybe because you were looking for the wrong answer? MY answer to the prayer? And have you ever missed so many gentle nudges that when you look back you’re like, “wow, how did I miss that?” I’ve been there, too.

Have you ever felt the peace that comes when you finally get it and can say thank you, God? All of the sudden gushes of emotions come over you and you are in complete awe? You finally begin to see how all of the unanswered prayers begin lining up the true answer that was there all along? Isn’t that wonderful?

I recently experienced all of these. I was doing all of the things that I knew to do. Pray like I mean it, and listen like I want it. I dove into the word more and more because I was so hungry for it. I would get in my funk and cry out for God to help me see more of Him and less of me. But it’s like this cycle of funk continued. I’d ask others to pray about it, listen to podcasts and praise music, read books, I’d complain, ask for forgiveness, praise Him, quote scripture; I mean, I was trying my best. But I was missing His answer through it all.

Yes, through all of these things He was showing and asking me to give Him the keys. If you notice how I explained my brokenness, I was so focused on me and my strength. I would say I gave it to Him, but I kept taking it back, kept trying to steer. But the truth is, even if I’m the driver, God holds the map. And in order to really follow/hear Him, I had to give Him the keys.

I had a wake-up call, after God showed me in multiple instances, that I didn’t have to keep praying what I was praying about. He just wanted me to give Him the keys, and take a step in faith. Scary. But awesome. Sounds simple maybe, but it took some refining for me to appreciate that answer.

When a breakthrough happens it’s this feeling of relief and excitement. All of the sudden there are so many mental breakthroughs that happen and there is so much clarity. So much inner peace. So much love and praise. A deeper breath than you’ve been able to take. So much that you want to just Be Still and take it all in.

A wise friend recently told me that she notices some of these times are when God is refining. I couldn’t agree more. But it was such a wonderful reminder. (prayer warriors in my life, thank you for speaking truth into me)

In life we all know that there are periods of refining that happen. What I’ve learned is that I may feel lots of things, but the only way to experience the spiritual growth that he desires is to cling to truth. When we invite Christ into our lives fully, it doesn’t mean that everything becomes easy. I used to say I wish it did mean that, but now I can truly say that I’m so thankful for the refining. I’m thankful for the trials. I’m thankful that He allows me to become so broken that I’m able to see what He wants to strip me of. I’m thankful that His word tells of His promises that He is faithful to.

When I look back at this funk that I was in, I also look back and see that Christ was with me in the midst of it all. While I may have had moments that I felt differently, the truth is He never leaves us. And while I didn’t get the answer I was expecting, I can continue to expect God to be right there. He will give the answers in His timing, so I will keep giving Him the keys, and acting in Faith accordingly.

Think about how you’re feeling today and what you’re praying about. Is He gently showing you an answer, but maybe you’re not hearing it? Are you missing something that could be a breakthrough? He’s ever so faithful. He hears us. He answers. We must keep seeking and trust. Because refining will come again. Thankfully.