Saturday, September 15, 2012

Stupor of thought?

These past couple of weeks have been some of my strangest. I started school again. I signed up for all of the classes I need for my major, and some other classes that aren't for my major. (Those blasted general eds will be the end of me, I just know it.) I've also sat awake on a couple of occasions, feeling like I'm doing everything wrong and wondering if I'm on the right path. I've been feeling stuck, like I can't figure out where I'm supposed to go.

I'm halfway to my associates degree, and then who knows where I'll be? I can't see the end. I know there's a path, but I'm struggling with the fact that I can't see the destination. I only see a hazy horizon line, and a few giant, general images in the clouds. My laundry list: graduation, marriage, children, job, live life. The details are hazy. The road signs are in a different language. (Probably Italian, because I'm in that class right now, so my subconscious says, "Italian. They should be in Italian.")

I feel like I should take some steps back, but then when I do that, the vision is even further away. Perhaps the answer, instead of taking a step back and seeing the big picture, is to focus on the small pictures in front of me right here and right now. Perhaps I should focus on the steps forward instead.