In 1993 I found myself back in the Arizona desert, having been deported there by one disillusioned Frenchman. Jean-Marc and I had tried to live together—lasting a full ten months—but all that sizzling chemistry that fueled us in the beginning eventually fizzled out, and our Franco-American romance was over. Jean-Marc's mind was set. To prove it, he bought me a one-way ticket back to Phoenix!

Back in Phoenix, I busied myself picking up the pieces of a life I had quickly left behind. The cold, current reality was I needed to find a job, illico! But what was I qualified for? I had a French degree... but no skills!

I didn't want to go back to being a receptionist, and I hated working at the department store... though I loved my customers, who bought both girdles and g-strings from me (I wasn't personally familiar with either culotte before going to work at Dillard's lingerie department). My customers taught me so much and, just before leaving my summer job--to begin my semester in France!--I received a touching letter of recommendation from the most eccentric, glamorous, and mysterious of my clients (see the "complicité" chapter--you can read it for free by doing a search inside feature, here).

No, I didn't want to go back to those jobs. Come to think of it, if I could somehow sidestep the employer thing altogether... that would be ideal!

I wanted more than anything to avoid a train-train or run-of-the-mill existence—especially in regard to employment, which represents the largest part of one's waking hours.

Self-employment, then, became my goal. Yes! Only by working for oneself could one experience freedom! Only by being one's own boss could one work creatively! Only by calling all the shots could one, say, skip out early for a double matinee, large popcorn with extra butter, and a coke.

Suddenly, I had an inspiration...

I could be a "girl Friday". Better yet, I would be my own girl Friday!

A girl Friday got to do a lot of things. No two days the same! Variety would be the spice of this new (if newly failed...) life.

I had a car, which was about all I needed, along with the adrenaline of a fresh warrior! Now all I had to do was to decide what I had to offer: what to put on my Girl Friday menu? Just what, after all, was I capable of? So far I had been good at failing a relationship, but never mind... time to pull up those bootstraps (even if the heartstrings needed a good tug, too!).

Let's see, what were my skills?...

I could help type up papersI could clear out one's clutter roomI was good at washing carsI might walk someone's dog?I could run errands... And I sure knew how to apply make-up! (Perhaps offer makeovers???)

....Not to forget that I had a knack for complaining—I had been good enough at it to "win" a one-way ticket out of France!—so perhaps I could offer to "argue one's case" somehow—that is, without having to go to law school. No time for that. I needed to earn some cash!).

I might not be skilled or trained in any one area, I thought to myself, I might have even neglected these chores in my very own home, but no looking back now!, there were many things I could do! and, in the doing of them, I might just forget, petit à petit, all that I had left behind in France. I might even forget him. (Would Jean-Marc ever give me a second chance?)

Bon. Never mind. I was set! All I needed was a name for my company" (My very own company!!!) But what to call it? It should be something French, non? Never mind my French dream had come to an end, all too suddenly....

Because, as Girl Friday, I would be proposing to carry out a variety of jobs, it occurred to me to call my new enterprise "Anything At All". Better yet, why not be fancy—and use the French equivalent! But just what was the equivalent? Would "Anything at All" translate to "N'importe Quoi"? I'd heard the term somewhere before.

N'importe Quoi seemed to mean something along the lines of "You Name It!" (perfect for a service-oriented company, non?), but I still had vague doubts about the actual translation. What's more, was it prudent for a 24-year-old woman to offer "Anything At All"? Even in English the meaning might be misconstrued....

Despite any doubts, I thought to go ahead with my business-cards order. I could just see the finished product! The card would read, in bold print, "N'importe Quoi!" and there, to the lower right, my name: "Kristi Ingham" with the title "Your Girl Friday".

What my business card might have looked like... Yikes!

***Some girl Friday! I never even got around to my first errand: visiting the printer. Instead, I took the first paycheck job I could get, and spent my run-of-the-mill existence in a quiet airpark office, nursing a broken heart.

It would take another decade or so (a move back to France—which would come sooner than expected, and the foundation of a French family) before I would fully grasp the meaning behind "N'importe Quoi".

Today I sit here at my desk, a self-employed writer, and shake my head sympathetically at the would-be Girl Friday of two decades ago. What a mistake that would have been to call one's company "A Bunch of Baloney" or "Rubbish!" (I cringed when I finally realized the exact translation of my would-be company's name!).

And what folly that would have been, for that failed girlfriend, or girl Friday, to have offered "anything at all"--when what she really should have offered was to share her dream.

***20 years later and I am sharing my dream... of writing and living with my French loves (family, dogs, friends and readers). Thank you so much for reading!.

Comments welcome here.I read every comment, sometimes twice (hard not to when your Mom points our her favorites, during the daily phone call!). Thank you very much for taking the time to respond to these posts. Click here to read the comments and see you in a week!

Back in Arizona I found a job selling scale-model cars for a small mail-order catalog, which turned out to be the perfect nurse-your-broken-heart job. Isolated and working in an over-air-conditioned office, I had plenty of time to think about my loss and to watch my French life flash before me: the cottage we had moved into just before I left, the weekends spent fishing oursins, or sea urchins, along the rocky coastline, and ... (click here to order the book.)

This book is especially apropos for people who are trying to find a way in life. Buy a copy for a friend. Order a few copies for gifts. Your book purchases help to support this French word journal. Merci.

I managed to win him back... and to get him all the way to the alter in a centuries-old cathedral near the sea in Marseilles. Just look how scared he looks! Petrified! And I've got that jackpot winner expression on my own face. To comment or to read the comments, click here. (In all fairness, there is one more way to interpret that look on Jean-Marc's face: relief! His would-be bride arrived so late to the wedding that the priest was waiting for her out on the church curb, finger-a-wagging! I tried to put the blame on the cultural misunderstanding (see the marriage chapter, around p. 15) that had occurred the hour before, but there was no time to mess around. There was a French man waiting to marry me!!!!

Please forward this story to a friend who is trying, and sometimes failing, to follow a goal... and remind them never to give up their dreams! Il ne faut jamais abandonner ses rêves!

Comments

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This is certainly my most favourite entry ever! Loved it, loved it, loved it!!!
I will definitely pass this one on to others!!!
I do have your book and have not yet had a chance to read it... after reading this part I am definitely getting it out to read from cover to cover!
Sooooooo inspirational!!!

AHHHH. I love your happy ending - scratch that - beginning. Even though you still have to use that list of skills: decluttering rooms, typing papers, washing much more than cars, walking dogs (and all without pay, I might add) - it's the best job ever when you do it for love.

Thank you so much for your final words. I am now living in France, following my own dream to learn about French wine regions and wine by living and working in different places. I started in the Rhône Valley, and now I'm in Champagne. I'm also a writer/blogger, and a wine educator, but I am at a crossroads at the moment, just as you were in Phoenix (minus the car!). It's easy to get discouraged in the face of the unknown, but I will follow your advice and not give up! Who knows, perhaps I'll even find my own adoring French husband someday!

Your wedding photo is priceless and adobrable! Your joyous grin of success in not only getting that lovely man back into your life, but in joining that life to yours, should have a prize of place setting in your house. It´s one of the loveliest, most graphically happy photos I´ve ever seen. And... I don´t think Jean-Marc looks so much scared as coming to terms with what marriage means.
Thanks for sharing the moment with all of your readers.

Always enjoy each post. Suggestion-Could you possibly put a space between the French sentence and the English translation, so those of us who use it for practice won't automatically see the answer. merci mille fois

Merci Beaucoup!!!! I'm new to your site thanks to a friend trying to help me with my own learning of this wonderful language. I love your stories and how you put the french words into the mix....
I've just returned from Lyon & Paris and cannot wait to return. My language learning is slow but I will get there and I thank you for your part in it.

Kristin, reading your blog of late feel as if you are going through a transition and to read all this is both exciting and sad for me.Lots of change in 20 yrs but you did what you dreamed and it all has worked out for you.Many people dream but never chase their dreams.You have done this and BRAVO to you!!!!!Change is good but needs time to jell. A move yet again, kids adjusting, a happy husband now hes back at the sea,and where do you fit yet again? Embrace the change as you always have,CHANGE is AWESOME!!!!!

Dear Kristin, I LOVED this post!!! I bought your books as soon as I discovered your blog several months ago, but alas, I am in grad school, with much less stimulating reading material consuming my days. I can't wait for January, when I will have a break and can catch up with the rest of your life!

It's funny, but I had the same thoughts about you and Jean-Marc before I even read your caption. The joy on your face says it all! And I love that you're glancing at the camera, while JM has a look of nervous anticipation (but after your explanation, relief is probably right!)

You are a kindred spirit, and I love that you are sharing your hopes, fears, dreams with your blog readers. Your vulnerability is something I treasure. Have a wonderful cruise with your friend--you deserve it, and I am sure you will be blessed by this respite in the midst of your very full life.

I enjoy your story so much, Kristina. After reading your pieces for a while I decided to tell my story—starting over a year ago. Not being the photographer you are, my site is not nearly so beautiful as yours. However I'm beginning to learn about inserting pictures, etc., despite my age (82) and allergy to technology.

The first time I heard that phrase was from a snarky goth girl in Aix-en-Provence. She was talking about Segolene Royale — whom she clearly did not respect — when she rolled her eyes and said the phrase. It was in that perfect American "what-ever" tone. I immediately got it.

Reading your stories is my favorite part of the day. Getting all ten fingernails dirty in the garden is my second favorite part.If the parts were pearls, the string and clasp that join and hold them as a necklace is my precious husband.

Thanks, Kristin, for sharing your all.

Where do the little boxes in front of our responses come from? I like their designs and colors. -julie-

Thanks for the reminder that we must all stop and think about our dreams rather than just getting by, day to day. Congratulations on being able to follow your dream!I enjoy reading about your adventures in France and will one day come and visit!

I have been reading your posts for probably five years and enjoy them so much. Your life seems like a fairy tale or a work of fiction! But I know it's got it's ups and downs.i love France and have been trying to learn the language for decades. I always thought n'importe de quoi meant "what ever" not "garbage." I keep learning from you!

Lovely picture---both your expressions are just too good!!! And a fun story.
Thanks for sharing it.
Enjoy your Cruise.
The Festival of Ligts in India--Diwali, is round the corner--so wish you and your family a Very Happy Diwali.
Love, Rina.

Hi dear Kristin,
Your gift as a (talented!) writer always shines through bright and clear--it'd be impossible to choose a favorite post,but today's post HAS to be right at the top of the list of favorites! Absolutely WONDERFUL!
You tell us about yourself without a shred of vanity,and that makes me want to wrap you in a big hug of THANKS for giving us inspiration to do exactly the same with ourselves.The second at the top of the list of favorites is your wonderful "Pourquoi Pas" which so captured my imagination that I remember it still. You've made our day!
Love, Natalia XO

Kristin, As usual...a terrific story. I can only add a quote that I heard years ago and still try to live by...'what lies before us and what lies behind us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.' You always share with us - what is within you - and for that I am grateful.

Thanks, Kristin, for touching us as always with such unbridled truth. As a writer, I know just how hard it is to strike the right "tone." You seem to do it with such ease, though I doubt it's really that easy!

Getting my French Fix watching "Breathless" on TV in the States tonight.

your wedding picture is so adorable......what a brave and sweetly wonderful life you have!!!!!! you lift my spirit....and help me not to beat myself too much about stuff and/or relationships....perhaps it will all turn out well in the end after all!!!!! susan from alameda california

Kristin, you lift my spirit,due to health problems I have't been able to travel to France this year, and I live my dreams through your stories. You will probably never know how much your weekly emails mean to those of us who are unable to live the "dream" Writing about your last 20 years and the indecisions you had you must now realise it was all part of the journey. I am so grateful you have shared "your journey "thank you June, Gold Coast

You are such a joy to read. I dream of living in France one day, although right now I'm settling for the Central Coast of California in the beautiful wine country of Paso Robles. Keep the good blog vibes coming. Also, I just received your book and am so anxious to read it. Your Mother sounds divine, what a good soul. Cheri

I just got back home from an out of town funeral and saw your email. How nice it was to know I was reading a story with a happy ending!! I LOVE your wedding photo! Thanks for closing out my day with a happy smile!

Would you agree that it's time for you to write a novel - you write so well and I think your skills applied to a romantic novel set in the vineyards of France, filled with joy and strife in equal parts, would be a wonderful thing!

Lovely story. In case you didn't see it, your Jean Marc got a nice shout out in the current issue (November 30) of Wine Spectator where the feature article is about the wines of the Rhone valley. Congratulation to Jean Marc!

This is one reason I love your blog. The dictionary defines "n'importe quoi" as "anything." Bing translator says "No matter what." But you provide the idiomatic translation that you probably just have to be there to learn. And a funny and touching story, too. Thanks!

Your experiences bring so much joy into my day! You are doing exactly what you should be doing, living in France, writing on your experiences, married to your wonderful Frenchman. Your children, your animals and occasionally Jules add spice to the pot! Thank you!

Kristin,
What a gorgeous couple you are in this beautiful wedding photo... I recalled this story from your blog and loved hearing it again. Heart warming and inspiring.
Well we followed our dreams as you know and are in Antibes at the moment! What work to move and pack away and sell our belongings after so many years.

So worthwhile and we are grateful to be pursuing this long term dream of living in France. I was here as a student many years ago.
Looking forward to an opportunity to share a glass of wine with you and JM in the weeks ahead! We will be in the Bandol, Sanary area after Thanksgiving at some point we think.
Yes, follow one's heart! So important.
Bon weekend.

Loved your wedding photo!! And Love that you never gave up and you're now living your dream..my dream is to own a little cottage in the French countryside one day... we have quite a few more years of school fees to pay before it can become a reality !!!
I am one step closer next year now that I have booked myself into a language immersion school for one month in Ville Franche Sur Mer. If I am going to live there one day then surely I must speak the langauge!! Maybe I could come to Bandol and say 'hi'!
Enjoy your weekend!