News for Speakers’ Corner, Sunday, 3rd December

“Don’t argue with idiots. They will bring you down to their level and beat you with their experience.”
Anon.

1. We can’t say we weren’t warned.

Last week, Mr B warned his regulars that this week he would be talking about one subject only, for as long as it took. And true to his word, he did.

The subject was, “Is the human species inherently good or inherently bad?” From the outset he admitted that nothing can be inherently good or bad. Something is what it is. If we determine something is good or bad we are using value judgments, and they are arbitrary and changeable. They’re make-believe. “And yet,” he promised, “I aim to find out anyway. I need to know. Join me if you will.”

Three hours later . . . !

It was 5.20pm when he kindly woke his grasshoppers to let them know Helmut was about to speak.

2. Mr B said his talk should only have taken half an hour, but with all the interruptions . . .

He said he expected that.

However, Mr B’s mentors (Rolf Harris and Don Bourke) would have been displeased with him for becoming so grumpy. He was at his grumpiest today.

He said he expected that too.

Although it was a fraught day, it would have been even more fraught for this scribe had I not nodded off early in the peace. That was a blessing for me, I learned later. However, before I had the good fortune to nod off, I witnessed a grasshopper offer Mr B $50 to change the subject. Yes, it was a genuine offer, and Mr B took it.

Unfortunately, Mr B broke his promise by refusing to change the subject anyway. It was pointed out that Mr B’s non-compliance with the deal provided a timely example of how one human being can act badly. Which in turn proved humanity was inherently bad.

As if willing to prove the opposite, grasshopper Laurence took objection to Mr B’s dishonesty, and stood by the Ladder of Knowledge for the next twenty minutes talking over him. He would not desist, he explained, until Mr B handed back the ill-gotten moola. Mr B continued to refuse, point blank.

It was riveting viewing, folks.

Finally, order was restored. Mr B still had the $50 note and continued to speak about the same topic. That was when I nodded off. I can’t report anything more.

3. Last week, someone said Englishman Karl Pilkington looked a lot like Mr B, and someone else compared Steve Maxwell with Keanu Reeves. That prompted someone called Tony to send in another lookalike.

4. The ‘Something Nice’ segment, to charm some and irritate others.

5. If you check your calender you’ll find that it will soon be the holiday season. Try this friendly tip.

6. This scribe has no idea what Ray, Mirko, Helmut or Steve Maxwell spoke about. That is Mr Soporofic’s . . . Mr Bashful’s fault for sending me to sleep. However, three subjects were discussed briefly at the beginning of the meeting:
– If a man treats his wife badly at a function, should we say something? (Opinions were divided on whether something should be said, and to whom.)

– With regards to last week’s Push-me-Pull-You dog story and the photographic evidence provided, Mr B stood high on the Ladder of Knowledge and asked for an apology from those who had insisted one of the dogs was male.
He did not receive the apology, but he did receive more abuse.

– The speaker asked: “Who recorded Sam Dastyari telling a Chinese firm that Labor believed Australia shouldn’t interfere in the South China Sea? Peter the Younger answered ‘ASIO’ and it seemed to be the right answer.

ASIO operative

7. How did you feel when a parent died? Grief? Relief? Nothing? Joy? Next week or the week after, at least two people will be standing on the Ladder of Knowledge to answer that question. If you’re there, you will be invited to do so too.

8. The grasshopper did eventually get his $50 back. Everyone was pleased about that except Mr B.

Speaking of money, we are on Facebook but haven’t yet figured out how to make money from it.