...with the verdict pending, the singer was dramatically rushed to
the hospital last night. Daily Show Jackologist Ed Helms has been covering the
trial, he joins us now. Ed, thanks so much for joining us.

Ed:

Jon, I'm outside the hospital
where it has been reported that ... that's right Jon, Jacko had an attack-o in
is back-o.

Jon:

That's a pretty clever..

Ed:

I understand he's filled his
hospital room with his personal brick-o-brack-o's (<i>pauses</i>)
that went too far...

Jon:

Ed, very clever, how was Mr.
Jackson hurt?

Ed:

There was a collision, Jon.
Specifically the collision of between the innocent internal ten year old boy
Jackson thought he was, and the disturbing 46 year old semi-Caucasian adult
male who just found out he actually is. It's one of those where you're reading
the court transcripts and it really gets you right there (I forgot the
details on this, I think Ed pointed at his back).

No, Jon. Jackson's back pain
is real, its his life that has been imaginary. Until now, Mr. Jackson had
believed himself to be Captian Eo! The planetary defender of childhood blunder,
piggy back rides, and wishing trees. Imagine the trauma to his system upon
learning he has no actual military rank whatsoever, and that Neverland is not
the domain of the Lost Boys, but is in fact is under the jurisdiction of the
Santa BarbaraDistrict Attorney's
Office.

Jon:

But, Ed these euphonies that
Jackson is having, are they just bringing on the despondity, this sadness?

Ed:

Hmm...sadness, Jon, but also
anger. I'm sure somewhere Jackson is thinking, 'hey! O.J. killed two people and
went free! Now they're going to put me away for a couple of teenage
reach-a-arounds?' Where's the justice, Jon?

Jon:

Ed, even if Jackson is found
innocent though, is there anyway he can recover?

Ed:

Ultimately, Jon; if Jacko
wants to avoid further flack-o, he's simply going to have to stop having young
boys in the sack-o! And also, make sure there is no touching of his ... balls.
Jon?

Jon:

Thank you, Ed. Ed Helms from
California...uh, the last one didn't even rhyme!