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We are heading into "Hell Week," the final days before the performance of a show in which everyone from director to cast extra to set designer realizes, "we're not even close to pulling this off!" and then somehow a miraculous recovery is made in the 11th hour. As "Full Monty" rehearsals move forward, there have been some inquiries about the show that reveal some serious misconceptions. Let me lay those to rest right now.

"FULL MONTY" MYTHS DEBUNKED:

No. 1: "This is a show more appropriate for a bachelorette party; I'll be the only guy there."

This show is NOT about stripping. With all that's made of the fact that six regular schmoes will take their clothes off, the true meat (oops) of this show is the many sub-stories pertaining almost uniquely to men and the troubles they encounter in life. The subjects of money, parenting, self-esteem and loneliness are all broached here, and there will not be a man in the audience who can't identify with at least one of these characters and his problems. Don't worry - it's not a big headshrinking fest - it's all done through comedy. The main point is: DON'T SIT THIS ONE OUT, GUYS. You'll enjoy this as much, if not more, than the ladies.

No. 2: "These guys are exhibitionists who just want to show off their bodies."

Ummm, not really. Please study the picture on this page and you'll realize we're just a few hometown boys trying to bring comedy and entertainment to the valley. No one's completely comfortable with this, and some are downright terrified. So we've been doing anti-modesty exercises such as undressing in front of our female cast members, going on a Speedo clad ski outing, and appearing on television in nothing but our skivvies. None of this, though, will compare with the fear of performing on stage in front of the public. You don't want to miss that.

No. 3: "The 'Full Monty' part of this will be lewd, crude and horribly rude. I'm not taking my parents!"

Ok, look, I don't want to ruin the ending, but if you saw the movie and if you trust any of us in this community to maintain a semblance of decorum, you've got to figure that we are not going to risk getting thrown in jail, or completely alienating our valuable audience and membership core. Please trust our ingenuity, creativity and love of a comedic gag in pulling this off.

Our language may be a bit blue at times during the show, so if you stay home because of that, I'll understand. But do not stay home because of what you might see.

No. 4: "Since I can't commit yet, I'll just buy tickets at the door."

No, you won't. This is going to be a dinner theater, and our caterer needs to know the food order several days before each show. ALL tickets must be bought online at porchlightplayers.com. Besides, as of this writing, half of our days are already sold out, and the others are soon to follow. Don't be left staring at our behinds on a poster or newspaper, while the smarter folk get to see a lot more.

I hope this debunking session has set most of you straight (not that there's anything wrong with not being straight!). This will be an evening to remember, with tasty food and a bevy of bevvies, that will probably not be repeated for a long time. Don't strip yourself of this raw opportunity to bare yourself to the natural wonders of musical theater. Gosh, if it's that time of year, come dressed in your birthday suit!

Bart Garton is a long time local, professional video producer and amateur thespian. Email comments about this column to cschnell@vaildaily.com.