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It's alright to talk about "long white robes over yonder," in all of its symbolism. But ultimately people want some suits and dresses and shoes to wear down here. It's alright to talk about "streets flowing with milk and honey," but God has commanded us to be concerned about the slums down here, and his children who can't eat three square meals a day. It's alright to talk about the new Jerusalem, but one day, God's preacher must talk about the New York, the new Atlanta, the new Philadelphia, the new Los Angeles, the new Memphis, Tennessee. This is what we have to do.

Tuesday, April 24

I just can't right now. I have nothing to say. Maybe sometime soon I will be able to be witty or funny. I will be able to tell birthday stories or bitch about something nonsensical but right now I have nothing. In the back of my mind the images run looped through my day and I have nothing to give right now. So I'm taking a sabbatical from my blog. I love you all. I just need a minute.ThanksG

Thursday, April 12

For the past few days there has been much gastrointestinal unhappiness that I will not elaborate on because I love you all, dear readers. It was bad enough to warrant a trip to the doctor who basically said “Huh…well…you’re screwed.”, and then charged me $40.I left his office, went home and passed out. Yes, V, I missed Lost…AGAIN! But at some point during that magical night two things happened…

This morning we got the first heavy spring rain of the year. I love these rains because they are soft and warm…perfect for dancing in (I had no time for dancing as I was almost late for work) and because they leave behind them a freshly scrubbed world and tons of open blooms. The rain passed just as I was heading out for lunch.

I went shopping for some birthday necessities (read: clothing) because I leave tomorrow for Chucktown, SC and the continuation on my Birthday Month festivities. And then, ladies and gentlemen I WENT TO TACO BELL FOR LUNCH! ‘But how could you do that with the aforementioned GI problems?’, you ask. Because they are gone! Because the cleansing rain that has purified Virginia has also purified my GI tract! Because, damn it, I am having a good day!!!

So tomorrow is my official work birthday and I am really looking forward to it now that both the world and I have been rained on and emerged clean and shiny. Life’s good, people. Celebrate!

Tuesday, April 10

It’s odd, but life has been relatively drama free the past couple of days (I say this while throwing salt over my left shoulder, spinning three times counter- clockwise and spitting on the grave of a virgin because fate and I have not been on good terms lately).I know- it’s Birthday Month and things should be rockin’…they aren’t. The new receptionist we hired didn’t show up for her second day of work. This would have been more annoying had I liked her. There was nothing wrong with her, exactly…she just wasn’t up to G’s Birthday Month standards of fabulousness. So I got to call my first choice back…hopefully she hasn’t take another job because I really do not want to start this search all over again.The B’Day Smackdown Countdown has started and I have to tell you that I’m feeling pretty blasé about the whole thing- very un-G-like of me, I know. And where is this malaise coming from you ask? Shit, I don’t know! If I did I wouldn’t be blogging about it. SO…loyal reader(s)…(I say reader b/c I think GE has deserted us L)…if you have any ideas as to how I might get myself in the correct frame of mind for a week of drunkenness, hilarity and general debauchery I would love to hear from you. And if you happen to know a good receptionist…

Saturday, April 7

So, I'm in bed this morning, after a night of crab cakes (I made them and they were uber-tasty) and wine (Clean Slate Riesling-damn good stuff). It's one of those snuggly mornings where the light is grey and your bed is warm, as is TS beside you so you already wake up pissed that you have to leave snuggly happiness for Office Hell. AS if anyone is going to be calling us on the day before Easter. Whatever. So I get over all of this, even though sleeping in on rainy mornings ranks right up there with world peace, and I get up to take a shower and prepare for another day of O.H. I happen to look out the window and what do I see FUCKING SNOW!!! What the hell??? It is snowing in Virginia on the day before Easter. There are reasons why I live in the south and weather is one of the big ones. This is some bullshit people! Snow in birthday month, someone should be shot!I'm just pouty because I had to leave the warm, man filled bed on a crap day to go to work. Ignore me and go about your business.

Thursday, April 5

G:Good Morning!I just wanted to check in and see how you were. Are you all kinds ofcool colors? Remember- guys dig scars so wear them proudly at the pool!By the way- I'm working on a birthday food list :-)Hey! I had an idea! We could get you one of those chair lifts that takepeople up stairs and attach it to your front steps! It could be yourbirthday present!!!

Momma G:You are just sooooo funny! I'm more sore today than I was yesterday and my toe is purple and swollen, but I'm going to do happy hour tonite!

Not only are we brilliant, gorgeous and otherwise astonishingly fabulous, but we also have priorities! Good Lord I love this woman and I cannot wait to get home!!!

Tuesday, April 3

To run my damn mouth about Fate. The pipe under my sink sprung a leak and flooded my apartment. Stop laughing. It's not funny. Ok. It's a little funny. What is not funny are the over 200 books with water damage and the Playstation 2 that won't even turn on. What is even worse is this email I got from my mother a half hour ago:

So, just to let you know what's happening: when I left the house thismorning, I fell off the last step onto the cement step at the bottom. Myknees are all bloody and kinda reminded me of yours after your accident. Ithink I sprained one of my toes on the left foot and I hurt my ring finger onthe right hand (looks all purple). So I'm eating advil to keep away thepain. Of course, this Sunday I fly to Scottsdale for the conference andwon't I look just wonderful all black and blue sitting at the pool!!!Also, remember that I will off this Friday (office is closed for good Friday)and I will be out of the office until Thursday, I fly back into Charleston onWednesday night. Hope your day is going better than mine!

You want to mess with me, Fate? Bring it on! But you leave my family out of it! Mess with my mother again and I will kick your ass!!!

Monday, April 2

Bad. DUH!But this is the birthday month so they are especially cruel! Not even the wee nip I had at lunch is helping this one...although the naughty text messages from TS don't hurt. I might just take His Sinfulness up on his suggestion that I take the month off in honor of, well, myself actually. Damn good idea, that. The big problem is that I actually said-out loud- that things couldn't get any worse so I am about to be bitch slapped by fate. I'm expecting the first of the plagues any time now...