Q&A with Dr. Ruth: About sexuality, myths and aging

Published: Tuesday, March 4, 2014 at 2:21 p.m.

Last Modified: Tuesday, March 4, 2014 at 2:21 p.m.

In 1980, the Sexual Revolution of the 1970s gained a gloss of respectability and good cheer when a loveable, dynamic sex therapist named Dr. Ruth Westheimer launched her first radio advice show.

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Dr. Ruth Westheimer will speak at the 2014 Renaissance Luncheon, celebrating “The Goddess in You,” March 14 at the Ritz-Carlton in Sarasota, to benefit the Women’s Resource Center of Sarasota County. Tickets are $125, with registration and shopping at 10:30 a.m. followed by a noon luncheon and live auction. Tickets must be purchased in advance; call 366-1700 or go to the website, 2014RenaissanceLuncheon.CharityHappenings.org.

Now, 34 years later, "Dr. Ruth" has never really faded from national prominence; she tours, she writes, she teaches and she tweets. At 85, the German-born media celebrity — who lost both parents to the Holocaust — sees much to appreciate about the sexual maturing of her adopted country. But she admits that many questions she gets remain the same.

Westheimer will give a talk in Sarasota on March 14 to benefit the Women's Resource Center of Sarasota County, her first trip here in many years. Hearing that this county has the nation's largest share of residents 65 and over, she said, "Then you must be doing a good job, if they keep coming."

Speaking from her home in New York City, Westheimer took time to discuss her own resilience, the nuances of sex after 50, and her upcoming book, "Myths of Love."

Q: One of your recent books wanders a bit from the theme of sexuality and is aimed at caregivers for Alzheimer's patients. What caused you to make this departure?

A: I have quite a number of friends who have loved ones with Alzheimer's and I am well qualified in training professionals in the field, so I decided that I had to say something of common sense to those people.

For example, when friends say, "Can I do something for you?" very often the caregiver says, "No, I can manage." What you should say is, "Please come on this day at 12 so I can go to the hairdresser." Try to enlist as much help as you can.

There is something about sex in there, too; I can't do a book without talking about sex.

Q: One theme that runs through your work seems to be dealing with loneliness.

A: Especially when you talk about sex for people who are not in a relationship, or are divorced, or haven't found the right person. I do get a lot of questions about loneliness.

Q:You've been described as changing sex in America. But the questions on your website look a lot like the things people asked generations ago.

A: I do get the same questions. One thing that has changed is the vocabulary people use. The other thing is that I do get many more questions about sexuality and older people — about remarriage and having new relationships. But the basic questions are about loneliness, finding a partner, and particularly boredom in the bedroom.

Q: Have the answers changed?

A: The answers have not changed. What's of interest is that women have heard the message that a woman has to take responsibility for her sexual satisfaction.

Q:This must be relevant for older people, who are starting a late-life relationship where they can set new rules.

A: Exactly. And they do. What also has changed is that it used to be that their children, as mature adults, would be horrified: "Why do my parents need sex?" That has changed a little bit. Now the children are more likely to say, "If they can find a relationship, good for them."

It may be because people are living longer.

Q:Tell me about your book that comes out June 4.

A: It's called "Myths of Love: Echoes of Ancient Mythology in the Modern Romantic Imagination." My co-author, Jerome Singerman, tells stories from mythology, and I make the sexual commentary.

For example, the cover of the book shows an adoring young woman looking at her lover, while he looks skyward. I would expect him to look at her. So I say, "He probably prays, 'Dear God, make sure that I have an erection.'"

In the Talmud, it says that a lesson taught with humor is a lesson retained. I couldn't tell you a joke, but I can use humor to help people learn about sex.

Q:You mentioned the problem of boredom earlier. How do you keep from being bored?

A: Well first of all, I'm very fortunate that I'm healthy. When I have a free evening like last night, I went to Carnegie Hall and heard a wonderful concert from the Vienna Philharmonic. Last week I went to the opera and saw "Fledermaus," and I saw a play about President Johnson. I'm in Manhattan, I'm healthy, and I take part in a lot of the culture.

Next week we're celebrating my daughter's birthday, and I will spend Passover in Ottawa with my son's family.

Also, I'm teaching at Columbia, a graduate course on the family in the media.

For me, it always revolves around the family, not just sex — because I did not have a family from the age of 10 and a half.

I had a very, very wonderful 10 and a half years of childhood, and this shows the importance of early childhood. In my case, it certainly carried me over.

<p>In 1980, the Sexual Revolution of the 1970s gained a gloss of respectability and good cheer when a loveable, dynamic sex therapist named Dr. Ruth Westheimer launched her first radio advice show.</p><p>Now, 34 years later, "Dr. Ruth" has never really faded from national prominence; she tours, she writes, she teaches and she tweets. At 85, the German-born media celebrity — who lost both parents to the Holocaust — sees much to appreciate about the sexual maturing of her adopted country. But she admits that many questions she gets remain the same.</p><p>Westheimer will give a talk in Sarasota on March 14 to benefit the Women's Resource Center of Sarasota County, her first trip here in many years. Hearing that this county has the nation's largest share of residents 65 and over, she said, "Then you must be doing a good job, if they keep coming." </p><p>Speaking from her home in New York City, Westheimer took time to discuss her own resilience, the nuances of sex after 50, and her upcoming book, "Myths of Love."</p><p><b>Q: </b><i>One of your recent books wanders a bit from the theme of sexuality and is aimed at caregivers for Alzheimer's patients. What caused you to make this departure?</i></p><p><b>A:</b> I have quite a number of friends who have loved ones with Alzheimer's and I am well qualified in training professionals in the field, so I decided that I had to say something of common sense to those people. </p><p>For example, when friends say, "Can I do something for you?" very often the caregiver says, "No, I can manage." What you should say is, "Please come on this day at 12 so I can go to the hairdresser." Try to enlist as much help as you can.</p><p>There is something about sex in there, too; I can't do a book without talking about sex.</p><p><b>Q: </b><i>One theme that runs through your work seems to be dealing with loneliness.</i></p><p><b>A: </b>Especially when you talk about sex for people who are not in a relationship, or are divorced, or haven't found the right person. I do get a lot of questions about loneliness.</i></p><p><b>Q:</b> <i>You've been described as changing sex in America. But the questions on your website look a lot like the things people asked generations ago.</i></p><p><b>A:</b> I do get the same questions. One thing that has changed is the vocabulary people use. The other thing is that I do get many more questions about sexuality and older people — about remarriage and having new relationships. But the basic questions are about loneliness, finding a partner, and particularly boredom in the bedroom.</p><p><b>Q: </b><i>Have the answers changed?</i></p><p><b>A:</b> The answers have not changed. What's of interest is that women have heard the message that a woman has to take responsibility for her sexual satisfaction.</p><p><b>Q:</b><i>This must be relevant for older people, who are starting a late-life relationship where they can set new rules.</i></p><p><b>A:</b> Exactly. And they do. What also has changed is that it used to be that their children, as mature adults, would be horrified: "Why do my parents need sex?" That has changed a little bit. Now the children are more likely to say, "If they can find a relationship, good for them."</p><p>It may be because people are living longer.</p><p><b>Q:</b> <i>Tell me about your book that comes out June 4.</i></p><p><b>A:</b> It's called "Myths of Love: Echoes of Ancient Mythology in the Modern Romantic Imagination." My co-author, Jerome Singerman, tells stories from mythology, and I make the sexual commentary.</p><p>For example, the cover of the book shows an adoring young woman looking at her lover, while he looks skyward. I would expect him to look at her. So I say, "He probably prays, 'Dear God, make sure that I have an erection.'"</p><p>In the Talmud, it says that a lesson taught with humor is a lesson retained. I couldn't tell you a joke, but I can use humor to help people learn about sex.</p><p><b>Q:</b> <i>You mentioned the problem of boredom earlier. How do you keep from being bored?</i></p><p><b>A: </b>Well first of all, I'm very fortunate that I'm healthy. When I have a free evening like last night, I went to Carnegie Hall and heard a wonderful concert from the Vienna Philharmonic. Last week I went to the opera and saw "Fledermaus," and I saw a play about President Johnson. I'm in Manhattan, I'm healthy, and I take part in a lot of the culture.</p><p>Next week we're celebrating my daughter's birthday, and I will spend Passover in Ottawa with my son's family.</p><p>Also, I'm teaching at Columbia, a graduate course on the family in the media. </p><p>For me, it always revolves around the family, not just sex — because I did not have a family from the age of 10 and a half. </p><p>I had a very, very wonderful 10 and a half years of childhood, and this shows the importance of early childhood. In my case, it certainly carried me over.</p>