Okay,this is a new fanfic.I hope my skills are better...Prologue:The LegendThe Origin of the Region:Koenohva's Tale221 years ago,in 1791,A company named Strikestars began,created by the most Intelligent beings in the Pokemon World that time.People began to buy every single Pokemon merchandise from there,and soon the company began to be in all 5 regions:Kanto,Jotho,Hoen,Sinnoh and Unova.The owner,Govan,got greedy by this and decided to put even Pokemon on sale.The heart of the land became greedy,until two step-siblings saw the light.These children were named Gazpar and Liza and were distantly French. Soon they learned of an unforgivable plot to get 3 legendary Pokemon,Moltres,Articuno,and Zapdos. Bravely they faced of Govan and won,but the Pokemon became so enraged that they were ready to destroy every single region.To solve this,Gazpar and Liza used up all of their energy to make a force field and calm the Birds down,which made duplicates of the Regions and combined them to make Koenohva.This was placed in a separate world,and later some people came to in habitat the original regions.In protecting everyone's lives except those of Strikestars,Gazpar and Liza had used up all of their lives.The last words heard was"In around 200 years our children will stop this.The field will have been weakened by then."200 years have come and gone,and experts have a hard time interpreting these words of the two heroes,so brave,so kind,so strong.Gozie was fascinated at the article.She was going to ask the librarian where she saw this.She grabbed her towel and wiped her tears.She hardly noticed one of them fell on her pictures.

_________________Hi,I'm new!I also belong to the Marriland Forums.[img]http://www.iaza.com/work/120325C/iaza13367877587800.gif[/img[img]http://www.iaza.com/work/120225C/iaza18101394821600.gif[/img]These were made by my friend on anther forum...[url][img][http://www.marriland.com/phpbb/index.php[/img][/url] I am a christian and I am proud of it!Copy and paste this if you are too.

First off, you put a space after each and every comma. Your fanfic, as it stands right now, looks very messy.

I can see so far that this looks pretty decent for an introduction, I suppose, but it doesn't tell very much beyond that. (It also doesn't say too much at all; it seems rather vague and distant in its descriptions.) Will every new installment be this length? because if so it's going to take a very long time to get anywhere.

I don't want to go too into detail with a review here seeing as not much has been said and I'll wait for more info on what should be going on, but I will say that where it says "distantly French", I think you mean "distinctly".

Chapter 1:Meetings and Leavings"Hey,Go!It's time to go home!"Gozie turned around and saw her stepbrother climbing up the Library stairs."Coming,Mill!"Life had been tough for them.First,Gozie had become a half-orphan when her father had died.Then,they met Mill and his father,but then something snapped inside Mill's father and her mother had separated from him,with the Children's organization leaving Mill to her mother.Somewhere in the middle of this,they had discovered Koenohva and kept it a secret.Go sighed."Time to go back to Kanto."The two walked to their home(In Koenohva,anyway)and saw Elyon at the door step.Go's mo had adopted Elyon,but her real name was Izabella.Like them,she was part French and was 14 years old."Mum has a secret...I think."Mill sighed."I bet she's dating already.""Hey!"Go said."Come here,Skit!"Skit was Go's Skitty.Mill had a Ralts named Eye.Elyon had a Vulpix named Fox,while"Ski!""You can play after dinner."said Calista,Go's mom."Huh?Aren't we going now?"Calista took a deep breath."Uh,you like here,don't you?And I found a weather reporter job,so...We are staying here.Forever.Sorry...I figured this would be easier."Quietness.For two seconds."Then"Yeah!"Mill was so excited that he danced around the room and ran outside."Huh?Won't you miss your friend?Goldilocks?""Yeah..."Go said sadly.:"But It's time to move on."Elyon looked at Mill."Poor Mill.He didn't have any friends.""Hey!I heard that!Eye,use Confu-""Millgan Vincteo,don't use confusion!That's a dangerous move!""Okay,okay."Mill went away from the window. and muttered"Gee,I didn't have friends because all of you infected them with your cooties-"Suddenly he bumped into someone."Oh,I'm sorry-"He looked up and saw a familiar face from the battling magazine.He gasped."Your Red-what are you doing here?"The 20-year old champion smiled."Well,ever since I defeated the Elite 4 of Unova,I found this place-and kept It a secret."____________________________________________________________________________________________"Go!Can you please go back to Kanto and put a sign that says "MOVED AWAY"?I know this is dangerous but Elyon's recognizable long hair might give her away-and It's night there-Mill's to active-""Okay already.The backyard portal-I'm taking that side."Because I don't want to get Mill's cooties-Your so old,you still believe in Cooties?Go shuddered.She had been hearing voices Inside her,but they were not hers."Uh,Go?Is it cold?""No!Bye!"She was gone in a flash."Hmm-She's been acting weird lately.Maybe she's having a problem.""Yes,my friend-"said Elyon."It's all because of me.""Huh?What?"Suddenly Elyon looked surprised."What?Did I say something?"Never mind.""Hey!Look who I found."Calista and Elyon turned around and saw Mill-and Red.Calista gasped."Ash!""Uh...It's Red.""Oh,you look so much like him-""Hey,It's okay.""Come here for a sec."Mill brought Elyon to the kitchen."Wouldn't it be great if Calista and Red married?""I don't know-""Aww!We would marry the champion-"All of a sudden Elyon's expression changed."Uh,Elyon?""There!See?You never call me Ellie!I hate you!I hate the world!""Hey,This is not an argument!""Now it is!""Why argue about your nickname?""Because you don't care about me!""Elyon,we all care about you.""Call-me-Ellie!""Okay,Ellie,is that okay?""No!This family should have never adopted me.""Elie,your parents hurtled you.We didn't.""I see!You came to hurt me even more!""Stop it!""No!Good bye!"Elyon marched to her room.Mill walked to the yard."I don't understand her-""Hey."Mill turned around.He saw a beautiful girl.'Uh...I'm Mill.""I'm Alice.I'm part English.""I'm part French."Alice smiled."My family moved here years ago."Mill told her his family story."That's sad...""I've learned to move on.""Your very brave,Mil.""Mil?....I like it.""Thanks.It seems like you don't believe in cooties.""Not now..."Love was in blossom.

_________________Hi,I'm new!I also belong to the Marriland Forums.[img]http://www.iaza.com/work/120325C/iaza13367877587800.gif[/img[img]http://www.iaza.com/work/120225C/iaza18101394821600.gif[/img]These were made by my friend on anther forum...[url][img][http://www.marriland.com/phpbb/index.php[/img][/url] I am a christian and I am proud of it!Copy and paste this if you are too.

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