It’s a topic I think about constantly. One final meal for a prisoner about to be executed… what do you order? I find it tough to decide what to eat on almost a nightly basis, so the pressure of it being the last thing I’d ever eat would likely send me spiraling into a ball of anxiety.

I also like that in this scenario I fully ignore the fact that I’m on death row and likely a murderer. I’m more focused on what I’d eat.

But let’s take the ethics out of it and get to the fun part, shall we?

My gut says (literally in this case) to eat a full day of food in order, back to back so it still counts as one meal. I think that would be the only way to get everything I love one last time. I won’t even consider the fact I’d probably poop my pants after this, because I heard that’s what happens when you die anyway. Here it goes:

Breakfast: Eggs benedict with chorizo, chipotle hollandaise sauce, and hash browns. And since we’re not worried about calories or any sort of health here, how about an extra shot glass of that hollandaise sauce on the side?

Lunch: I’m feelin’ Mexican. It was a heated debate between a California burrito and carne asada fries, but the fries win, man. Give me that giant mound of potato, meat, guacamole and sour cream, and douse that puppy in hot sauce. Then let’s wash it down with a big cup of horchata.

Dinner: I know I’m bending the rules here, but I want to go the Louis CK route and go Bang Bang (two full meals, back to back). First, Thai. I think I go panang curry and drunken noodles. Then I’m going In’n’Out double double and fries, both animal style.

Dessert: I’d eat Moose Tracks ice cream until I literally died. That way I go on my own terms, and it’s a real “F you’ to the man.