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Sunday, January 20, 2008

Just Gimme a Sign

CD34, still no AF and still no second line on the pee stick. I've had cramps on and off for the past few days...like there's gonna be a gusher any minutes - but nothing. I tested Friday night after sweet, dear husband got back from his biz trip. Zip. Testing again Sat morning, because I thought maybe my pee was too diluted (morning pee is supposed to be best), but nothing A-gain. Ran out of tests, so had to get some more...then took one more this morning. Zilch.

Of course this has sent me searching every fertility chat site (the ones I swore off for good), looking for threads of women who got a positive late in their cycle. "Oh good! There's still hope! Maybe tomorrow!"

Taking multiple tests is kind of like studying for a test and getting it back with a red "F" on the front. Over and over again. "But I studied! I made flash cards! I skipped all the great parties! How could I get an F?"

I'm guessing my cycle is just really long this month. It's been consistently 28 or 29 days since September. So this is definitely odd. But, it's not that far from the cycles of yesteryear. Most of those were 60 to 80 days long.

My brother had his 50th birthday party last night. It was pretty fun. It's crazy, though, to think that he's 50, his son is 22, and I haven't even had my first child. There were TONS of kids there, which of course brought on unwelcome spontaneous tears whenever one of them did something cute. Thankfully no one asked the dreaded, "do you have any children?" I really hate that question. I know they mean nothing by it - but it always sends a cold dagger into my already aching chest.

The test I bought yesterday came with a "Bonus Test!" So, if my answer doesn't arrive by tomorrow morning in the form of a tampon, I'll guess I'll use the bonus round and see what I see.