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Cincinnati (AP) - In a stunning move, four teams today have pulled off a major trade involving players, coaches, and minor league instructors.

Cincinnati has traded Ken Griffey Jr. to Detroit, Manager Bob Boone to Philadelphia, and Sean Casey to Pittsburgh. In return, the Reds received Dmitri Young, Pokey Reese, and minor league instructor Ron Oester.

"Upon reading the quotes attributed to Ron Oester, we realized that we did in fact get rid of the wrong individuals," said Cincinnati GM Jim Bowden.

"What this franchise really needs is a 3rd base coach who doesn't know how to give the "stop" sign to a baserunner. We also really need a middle infielder who swings like he's Mark McGwire, but posts offensive numbers that make de la Hoz giddy. And $28 million for an empty .300 hitting OF is a bargain in today's market."

"And thank God I was able to move Casey after signing him to that contract. Within an hour after the signing, I felt like throwing up. He's Pittsburgh's problem now," said Bowden.

Bowden did not have time to answer any questions. "I've got to go - I'm working on another multi-team deal that would bring back Steve Parris, Brett Tomko and Hector Carrasco, and all we'd have to do is give up Adam Dunn," said Bowden, who then left the podium and started dialing his cell phone.

Hang in there, Junior. You'll get your 2,000th hit and your 500th homerun this season. Next year you'll open a new park with a short fence in front of sellout crowds and a larger payroll. You'll be the centerpiece of a great offensive team this year and one of the greatest offensive outfields ever in 2003 (according to some).

I have no idea if you will find out. If I had not spoken with him I wouldn't know. I'm not sure exactly who knows besides a few Reds front office personnel, a few players and of course Senior. As many leaks as there are in the clubhouse and front office maybe you will hear something sooner than later.

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importantly, enjoy yourselves!

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