After it emerged that entire sections of George W. Bush’s new memoir, “Decision Points,” were plagiarized from books by former aides, The Borowitz Report asked our followers on Twitter to come up with the best plagiarized first line for the book.

Canadian immigration officials have reported a huge increase in the number of requests for Canadian citizenship in the past 24 hours, with more than 55 million such inquiries pouring in since late Tuesday night.

Andy Borowitz is a political humorist, TV commentator and the man behind the news parody website The Borowitz Report. Borowitz, a Cleveland native, created the smash TV comedy The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, appears on CNN’s American Morning and NPR’s Morning Edition and writes for The New Yorker and The New York Times. His latest book is The Borowitz Report: The Big Book of Shockers. His previous book, the hilarious, The CEO’s Guide to Surviving Prison sent him on a moral and ethics speaking tour throughout the Ivy League business school circuit.