The Reromanticizing Exercise

Has the romance faded from your relationship? Want to feel those sparks of new romance again? Just want to feel more love and care in your life?

The Reromanticizing Exercise comes from the classic relationship guide Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. First published in 1988, this book has been a massive New York Times bestseller and a classic guide for relationship self-help and marital therapy. This simple yet effective exercise is a tool for getting clear about what kind of love you want to receive and how you can best give your partner the love they crave.

Harville and Helen Hendrix went on to develop Imago Therapy, used by tens of thousands of therapists all around the world. You can learn more about their work here.

Identify what your partner is already doing that pleases you. Make a list, being as specific as possible, completing this sentence: I feel loved and cared about when you…

Recall the most romantic stage of your relationship and think about what you used to do but no longer do very often. Make a list, being as specific as possible, completing this sentence: I used to feel loved and cared about when you…

Think about caring and loving behaviors that you have always wanted but have never asked for. Make a list, being as specific as possible, completing this sentence: I would like you to…

Now combine your lists, and think about which gestures are most important to you. Label each behavior from 1-5, 1 being very important and 5 being least important.

Share your list with your partner. Now aim to do 1-2 gestures for one another every day for 2 months.