The Divine Secrets Of The Menopausal Sisterhood

A place where I can share some lighthearted humor about this wonderful part of my life! I hope you enjoy the postings! It was Erma Bombeck who said, “If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it” and that is what I intend to do!

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

October is breast cancer awareness month. My mom is a 45-year survivor. I also have friends who are survivors and those who are fighting this disease.

Self Examination is a screening method used in an attempt to detect early breast cancer. The method involves the woman herself looking at and feeling each breast for possible lumps, distortions or swelling.

This is promoted as a means of finding cancer at a more curable stage, but large randomized controlled studies found that it was not effective in preventing death, and actually caused harm through needless biopsies, surgery, and anxiety. Breast awareness is an informal alternative to structured breast self-examinations.

A pictorial example of breast self-examination in six steps. Steps 1-3 involve inspection of the breast with the arms hanging next to the body, behind the head and in the side. Step 4 is palpation of the breast. Step 5 is palpation of the nipple. Step 6 is palpation of the breast while lying down.

It is important in the peri and menopausal years that we continue with regular breast self-examinations ladies and remember to schedule yearly mammograms.
This should be done monthly, not just once a year in October.

Friday, September 28, 2018

If you are reading here for the first time I assume you are curious about this time of life or maybe you are experiencing some early menopause symptoms. It is highly unlikely that you found this blog on a site like web-MD or any of the other Internet cyberchondria sites that can be found.

It has been a while since I posted here and after deleting the hundreds of spammy type comments I figured I should jot this down here. I'm not saying that none of this is real because honey, it is all real from every hot flash to every sleepless night. When I first started posting about this time in my life I figured since I couldn't beat it, I can find the humor in it and I might as well write it down.

First, please do not assume this blog as any medical advice. My writings are entertainment. This is a place that I share my own experiences and funny adventures about this phase of life often a daily hormonal rollercoaster of ups and downs.

I am a baby boomer and like many, just like myself, our mothers are not really forthcoming with information. Many moms born in the same era as my mom (the 1940's) generally don't talk about these things. Then there are those like myself who have a mom suffering from dementia or Alzheimers and cannot relate information.

Just in case you were wondering and afraid to ask everything you feel is totally normal. It is supposed to be exactly like it is. It is menopause and women have gone through it for thousands of years. My writings are to let you know that you are not alone. Millions of women are going through this phase in their lives right now as I type this.

I do sometimes mention vitamins and supplements in postings. Keep in mind these are only what I have tried. I am not recommending that you try the same. What works for me, may not work for you or depending on any prescription medication you take may cause a serious interaction. So, please check with your doctor or at least ask a pharmacist.

Saturday, September 22, 2018

Hi, I recently noticed that it has been a while since I blogged here at the Divine Secrets of the Menopausal Sisterhood. Earlier this year I feel and broke my arm. I had to have surgery and some hardware to repair it and then spent approximately 10 weeks in a cast. A few days after this in April my dad was diagnosed with cancer so, at that point, I was undecided about what I was going to do with my blog as I also write another blog, The Chronicles of Loving a Heroin Addict.

I have decided to try to maintain both of them for now. I ran my posts here through a program and cleaned up the spelling, grammar, and other errors. I also work and take care of my elderly parents which takes up a lot of my time but I need a getaway; a place to laugh again, joke and make wisecracks about this time in my life.

I hope I don't bug friends too much with emails to read a post. Thank you for your patience.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

This is a repost of the 2013 April A-Z Blogging Challenge. I have chosen to talk about the Menopause Goddess and Mid Life Crisis.

I have reached that time in life and rather than sink into a bed of midlife depression, I have decided to just unleash and embrace my inner menopausal goddess.

Now of course if I had lots of money I could do it in celebrity style with lots of Botox and a permanent smile, but I like to sleep with my eyes closed, ya know!

Since I can't change the whole aging thing, I am just gonna learn to embrace the menopausal goddess inside of me. I appreciate the stars like Lisa Rinna because I can now be confident that adult diapers won't show through my clothes.

Doctors say that Kegels are as important to older women as the Heimlich and become as routine as cleaning the house or doing the dishes. Remember to keep up with those Kegel's ladies!

Most of us go from flat to round in many areas like the tummy and the butt. Everyone is different. It was around age 48 that I noticed that my dryer started shrinking all of my jeans. Since I re-injured my knee I am not really as active as I used to be. I still take walks, but exercises like aerobics and Zumba make my knee scream at me. I was told that I just needed some Yoga and Meditation.

Maybe it's just me, but it's almost like if you were wishing for a poo and all you can do is fart- ya know- one of those kinds of things!

I do wish I had paid more attention in school though because Sigmund Freud's law of gravity also applies to our breasts. I am learning that we can't defeat gravity as we watch our breasts transform from perky to sagging almost instantly, overnight. Ladies of all ages remember support is very important! My mama was born in the 1940's, back when the ladies didn't wear bras when they were pregnant for fear a bra would restrict their milk coming in. So, when I was pregnant with my first child I thought my mama knew best. Oh no!She was so wrong. I am at an age where that ghost of many Christmases past came back to haunt me. I wish someone had told me differently! Ladies... keep those bras on I say!

We ladies love jewelry. Enjoy all your fancy pieces while you can. Treasure those days because the day will come when your favorite necklace will be replaced by a life alert necklace.Embrace your inner goddess ladies otherwise you could easily become one of the ladies packing your bags and moving to Cougartown. When that doesn't work, they go on talk shows crying to Dr. Phil while the rest of us scream at the TV who knew that wouldn't happen! I say Look in the Mirror. Which is more beautiful? Your Inner Menopause Goddess or Batshit Crazy?
Now we all know that men too can also go through a period in their lives that is called a midlife crisis. I'm wondering, just who the heck decided to call it a crisis?

Why is it just a menopausal thing or The Change when it is referring to us ladies and it's a crisis when it involves the guys?

Friday, August 22, 2014

This is a reposting of a 2013 post for the April A-Z Blog ChallengeLife and Living in the Middle Ages. Life in the Middle Ages is kind of confusing if you ask me.

For instance, retirement is still years away and most of us feel we will never get to enjoy retirement years; yet we are old enough to know better. Don't you think it's a bit confusing?

Also Just when is a person too old to wear a Hooters T-Shirt or to get a tattoo? Do we get too old to wear Levi's Jeans for Pete's sake?

I ask because my sister went out and bought me three pairs of jeans.... with elastic waistbands and several polyester pantsuits. Really!

Well, I'm not ready to give up my Levi's yet. She got upset when I told her to take them back. Apparently and according to her "they are more fitting for folks in my age group." I love my sis, but really! Why should it really bother anyone what I wear? Is there a group of conspirators that make up the wardrobe?

Another fact of life and living in the middle ages I've noticed is that suddenly we find that our brain to mouth feature slows down or gets broken completely. Stuff comes out before I have a split second to think; which almost caused quite a stir at the local 7-11 and upset my sister over apparel.

Sometime in the middle ages, wisdom comes. It happens out of the blue almost like one day you wake up with Wisdom. I'm not sure but it could be fueled by life experiences. Suddenly there are things you notice that make no sense like the day I read a story that Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches are now being seen as racism!Wait! Who has the time to think this shit crap up? I love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I also enjoy eating the following peanut butter sandwiches: p/b with jalapenos, p/b with olives, p/b with pickles and one of my most favorites... peanut butter, Nutella, mayo and banana sandwiches.

I have never heard that I was racist while eating any of my sandwiches. Now... I have been told that I am a bit f^@$'d up for eating that crap. Peanut butter is the main staple in my house. I also carry a jar in my bag because no restaurant carries it as a table condiment and I love it on a lot of other things I eat. Is that confusing to you? You better watch out, confusion is one of the signs of aging!

These middle ages is also where I spend so much of my time trying to figure out how to bring sexy back if only I could remember where I put it in the first place. Of course, my hubby is always reassuring me, but is it really enough? For some reason, I now spend too much time worrying that every little quirk is a midlife crisis.

I never thought that the one sentence to the song, "Help me make it through the night" would actually be the words in my nightly prayer.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

This is a reposting of a 2013 April A-Z Blog Challenge post. I decided to blog about Kicking the Bucket Lists. I noticed that after the movie, The Bucket List came out in theaters everyone everywhere started doing their own bucket lists. I swear, for a while, I thought it was a requirement for A.A.R.P or something.

I don't know why. I guess because I kept reading so many lists that I just thought we all had to have one. My question is, Can this be used as a bargain should the grim reaper show up too early? Maybe I could say, "Wait I haven't finished my list yet"
A few lists of books they want to read, but almost every one I read listed, I want to travel through Europe which made me realize thatI really, really need a vacation. Not a fancy one, just one that my kids cannot call me every 5 minutes asking when we are coming home. No, seriously I have had my kids call me in the middle of the night. When I answer the phone they ask, "What you doing?" Hello... it's night time I was sleeping. I'm old now and that is what old people do at three in the morning....sleep. Then if that isn't bad enough they will say "I'll just call you back in the morning" Wait! What? Oh, hell no scooter you already woke me up and I have to pee now. If it was something important or an emergency that'd be something different, but we're not talking about that, oh no! Not my kids. They then say, "I just called to see what you were up to?" At 3 AM seriously? I doubt it. Then when I am riled up they have the nerve to get all mad at me because I am in a pissy mood. Does that make sense? It sure doesn't to me. OMG! Folks,I want a real Calgon vacation package!Getting away from my kids would be at the top of my list!

Other things I would include:

I want to go fishing without worrying that a snakehead fish will come out of the water and attack me.

I want to go camping without fear of a chupacabra attack.

I'd like to once have a regular family get together without worrying that because of their drunken redneck antics, we will all be featured on the nightly news.

Then, of course, the smaller things like...

After looking at my watch for the fifth time, I'd like to remember why I keep looking at it in the first place.

I don't care what comes after blue-ray, I'm not upgrading anymore.

I want to answer the door carrying a Gin bottle filled with Sprite

I want to walk up to someone in a fast food restaurant with a pad and pencil and ask them why they wanted fries with that

While at the checkout line talk in the third person

Set in traffic and drink blue Gatorade out of a Windex bottle

Fill a mayonnaise jar with vanilla pudding and eat it just to see peoples reaction when I do.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Reposted from the 2013 April A-Z Blogging Challenge My topic today is about the slowing metabolism or what I like to call, Junk In The Trunk. Whether or not we like it sooner or later it happens to all of us.

One day we are fit, active and thin and then wake up to what just happened to my figure?

One crumb from our favorite dessert goes right to our derrière. In my twenties, thirties

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

This is a repost of the post for an older April A-Z posting I did for the letter I. I have chosen Inside the Menopausal Mind as my topic today.I noticed about the same time that my AARP card arrived in the mail that many changes take place inside our minds during menopause.

Yep folks! I am an official card carrying member of the AARP and somehow I feel as if I am stuck in the middle. You see, I am too young for all the senior benefits and retirement; yet old enough to know better. It sucks.

In years past I used to shop for purses and shoes; I now shop for Gold Bond Anti Itch cream. I used to love going shopping, now just the thought of it makes me want to take a nap.
Driving is the worst. I used to not care so much how people drove on the roadway, now it's crazy. Those cars that pass on the shoulder thinking they

Oh, they are all a lot of laughs to have around me, daily. It's hours of fun here at my house I tell you. I am actually thinking about claiming all of them on my taxes next year. If I am going to be supporting them and they don't have jobs I should be able to claim them right?

The trip on Hormone Lane is like a Pandora's Box as we travel to our first stop on the trip. It is The Follicle Stimulating Hormone Test. This is the test that

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Today's post is about TheGeritol Years. Geritol- remember that commercial?

My parents take Geritol and for some odd reason, I always thought because I was raised on the Lawrence Welk Show in our home, that it was somehow the vitamin of choice in the golden years; a given rite of passage. That was until my doctor put me on daily Prenatal Vitamins for these menopause years. Long story

Monday, July 21, 2014

Today's post is about my Fear of the Fairy Yak Mother. Just in case that word confuses you a little when I was first showing signs of perimenopause I read something about menopause and hormones and how women can develop hair on their face in their menopause years just like a man. Thank you, Redbook. This did nothing more than scare the crap out of me. From then on I have had a fear of being cursed by Mother Natures

Friday, July 18, 2014

Today's topic is Docs, Drug Companies and the Aging. So, I am one of the folks who unfriended my doc on Facebook. On, no we just aren't close like that anymore. Maybe it is just me, but it feels like I somehow hit some magical age in the ozone and when I sought out a medical consult my doc no longer sees me as a live human person. He looks at me with the biggest brightest dollar signs in his eyes. I have heard caching after my name is called to go back to see the doc. Let me tell you that somewhere between the mid-forties to 50 and up should you seek a consult with your doc this will be the time when your doc will introduce you to his friends, pharma companies. Then one day you log into your email or onto Facebook and they all want to friend you. They suddenly become your next

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Today is the letter C. My word for today is cyberchondria and don't laugh when I tell you this, but this gets worse with aging. Some time around age forty five is the time that I first noticed some of the early signs which is called, peri-menopause. I started seeking out all of those sites like Web MD to enter all my symptoms in because I really didn't know it was that. I just knew something was terribly wrong, but couldn't figure it out. After clicking and entering all my

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Last year I participated in the April A-Z Blog Challenge on another blog. I am still in the process of moving my menopause posts from there to this blog. My theme that year was Aging... Gracefully or at least fighting it all the way which is what I did except that month. poked some fun at growing a little older. For letter A it was about The Astrology of Aging. I decided to call it that mainly due to the fact that

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

This post is a reposting. Does anyone else get the feeling that some of the stuff we read on Facebook these days is absolutely crazy? Why does Facebook even think that crap is news?

I feel that way especially with some of the stuff that comes across my news feed lately. It is what Facebook thinks I'd be interested in reading. Right now I am interested in hitting the delete Facebook button. This thought often lasts for a day or more.

I first started Facebook to keep in touch with family who lives out of state. Then came the co-workers. Then came the friends. Then came the game requests. Then the friends of friends who play those games seeking requests and free crap. Then came the creepers peeping. It's madness I tell ya!

Then one day came the nonsense early Monday morning.

Some of the craziness I have read lately on social network feels like that moment when someone totally trashed shows up four hours late to the party. It's a buzz kill I tell ya. That is how I felt over another campaign with the pound sign. How do you even reply to things that sound so absurd?

Well, I figured it was time to start my own campaign. To stop birthdays now. Wait that should read hashtag stop birthdays now. Or something! Whatever they are doing with the pound sign thingy these days.

#STOPBIRTHDAYSNOW and #BIRTHDAYSKILLPEOPLE

With yet another birthday on the horizon not the near horizon, but close enough these are the years that the thought of another one scares the living crap outta me. Why do we have to have one each year anyway? Just the thought of having another one offends me. It is coming to the time when I cannot lie about my age anymore. It means I am getting older, closer to you know... The End. We must stop them immediately! Continuing birthdays kill people!

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Today's post is a repost about Father's Day in the Man Cave and about midlife crisis. When the last of the kiddies moved out of the nest the hubby quickly claimed one of the spare rooms in our house as his own. His personal space. A place he can go after work or be lazy in on the weekends. He calls this room his Man Cave and laughs like Tim Taylor the tool guy when he says it. I won't lie. I was scared in the beginning. Giving a guy a room of his own is dangerous due to fears words like a health hazard, toxic, condemned area

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

This is a repost of an old April A-Z Blogging Challenge from April of 2012 posting. As we age they say that forgetfulness is a problem. For those of us in denial, forgetfulness is a sign that we are getting older. The name I have given to a disorder that I swear is possibly the first stages to the dreaded Alzheimer’s that we hear about is Kitchenheimers.Could it be that it first starts out as kitchenheimers? You know the symptoms of it; you walk into the kitchen and can't remember for the life of you what the hell you walked out there for. OR you go to the fridge,

Friday, June 6, 2014

This favorite repost of an April A-Z post from 2011. Barbie will be fifty-five years old this year.

Wouldn't it be nice to just once find Barbie has evolved with her age? You know to find her on the shelves just as menopausal as I am every day.

To find her once perky breasts now sagging because she never wore a bra. Her lovely blond hair now gray. Her face showing a little age with crows feet at the corner of her eyes. It would be nice to find her with the slowing metabolism and just as out of shape struggling at the gym. Oh I know I would! It is about time Mattel. All

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Do you ever remember the women in your family talking in code? If not, then it must have been something that the ladies only did in my family. I can remember as a child the adult women discussing something of an adult nature. Should you invade that privacy they would say, "little pitchers have big ears." That was the code word for kids to get the heck out of the room.
Once or more I walked in and heard my mom and aunt talking adult using the code word, The Change. If I lingered

Thursday, March 20, 2014

When I started into the menopausal spiral years I suddenly saw the dollar signs in my docs eyes and heard, "Ka-Ching" one visit long ago.

It was then that I decided that I would not be a guinea pig of nature or maybe I should have said that meant that I would not be taking anything related to HRT/hormone replacement therapy.

I then went to the health food store to seek advice for a homeopathic approach. You don't have to take my word for it, but menopause is a natural thing that happens to all women since Eve the first woman. I am still not sure how an appointment to discuss

Friday, March 7, 2014

This is part of a series of postings I am doing that I've called, The Divine Secrets of the Menopausal Sisterhood.
This posting is about a few of the changes that we experience in our brain per my own experience.

Sometimes in our Peri-Menopausal years, something changes in our brains. These changes affect the way we think and they last way into the menopausal years. Dare to read on...

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

I wouldn't really call this time of life an adventure though. Adventures are often fun; menopause is more like one of those rollercoaster's that you can't get off of and on some days it feels my head will burst from these hormones. I was reading Menopausal Mama's blog posting aboutM.M.P. which is btw Menopausal Mean Phase right before a headliner popped into the news feed that sparked a Zoloft moment for me. You know I am older but learning they have apps for everything nowadays don't they?

Monday, February 10, 2014

So, I am having one of those days. You ladies know what I'm talking about. A menopausal emotional tailspin kind of moment. What am I talking about? Who am I kidding? I am an emotional wreck.

It's more of a moment when you don't know whether to laugh, cry or be angry at something and punch something. Those inflatable blow-up punching bags are just the answer. Mine looks like Bozo the Clown so it frustrates me even more. Giv'er one more punch!!!!

I don't know how many of you ladies are dealing with loving a heroin addict and dealing with menopause at the same time but boy that is a load of fun isn't it?

Loving our addict I often don't know if what I am feeling is the addiction insanity or the hormones and emotions associated with menopause! I've heard some refer to the addiction rollercoaster. Well, ladies, there is also a menopausal rollercoaster. I have days that I don't know which ride I am taking!

So, how many of you menopausal ladies ever had this type of menopausal raging hormone moment?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBvysuewIOs&t=96s&pbjreload=10

Monday, February 3, 2014

This was shared by a Facebook friend. I like sharing things every once in a while and it would seem such a shame if I kept this to myself. According to this, we ladies over 40 still have it going on! Woo-Hoo Well that is according to a commentary from Andy Rooney's thoughts on women over forty.

To Be Honest...

Grab The Coffee And The Meds

Find Other Ranting and Venting here

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About Me

I love to write, and just one of these days I will get my thoughts to paper. From 1997 to 1999 I wrote a Pet Column for my local paper called, "The Perfect Pet"
My pic is courtesy of the Facebook bitstrips app