SHIMOKITAZAWA - Paperback Picture Book

$14.00

I knew this girl right, and she bought this moisturiser cream for like twenty-something dollars and on the label it said “helps prevent signs of premature ageing.” And thanks to that I now know that I can write basically any bulls#@t I can think up and call it marketing. I mean… what does that even mean?
“Hello, I seem to be ageing, but no time is going by. Do you have anything for that?”
“Hmmm, well we have this moisturiser that can help to prevent signs of premature ageing…”
“How does it work?”
“Well, it’s a preventative, like I said. It really only works if you pre-empt the premature ageing. When did you start ageing, may I ask?”
“Immediately after being born.”
“Oh, see, there’s your problem. You’d really need to start with a treatment like this in the womb…”
“Oh… Well, shit. I’ll take it anyway. Worth a shot. Here’s twenty-something dollars.”

SHIMOKITAZAWA is a terrible piece of literature that I scribbled out in one single schizophrenic franticismic euphorigasmic hyyyydromatic burst of mania. It’s batshit crazy. Guano with the fairies. It’s good though, but in one of those ways that can be difficult to describe. Regardless of said difficulty, here’s my best shot.

SHIMOKITAZAWA is fifty pages long, and you will laugh at least four times. It has drawings. And words! It’s the thingyest thing to ever thingy, the greatest achievement in greatness since Alexander the Great. It’ll fight your battles for you. It’ll win, too, cos this thing literally cures antimatter. It belittles evildoers in public. It walks its neighbour’s dog, for free. It cuddles you in the cold. It kisses you gently while you dream. You will be amazed at how much your life will improve from owning SHIMOKITAZAWA. You won’t believe Uranus. Buy this thing immediately because you know what? It even helps prevent signs of premature ageing. I mean, what have you got to lose? Money? Don’t be greedy.