I am the very model of a modern major Mary SueWith tons of Mary-Sue-ness in every little thing I say and doI know next to nothing, for my head is but an empty shellYet with my insanely gorgeous looks, you people would hardly tell

I'm spoiled to the bone and I'm only looking out for meIt's impossible for anybody to take me seriouslyI'm a girl that everyone bends over backwards to try to pleaseI got guys surrounding me, like a flower with a thousand bees

(She's got guys surrounding her, like a flower with a thousand beesShe's got guys surrounding her, like a flower with a thousand beesShe's a girl that everyone bends over backwards to try to please!)

I'm very good at making a good story quite unreadableI'm so sappy and so shallow, it's really unbelievableAs outrageous as it may sound, you folks gotta believe it's trueI am the very model of a modern major Mary Sue

(As outrageous as it may sound, you folks gotta believe it's trueShe is the very model of a modern major Mary Sue!)

I'm the heroine of the story, but I'm just nauseatingI'm a drama success and I excel at exaggeratingYou little girls would have to be crazy to want to be just like meFor a lamer, lousier role model you shall never see

I hardly lift a finger, I don't know how to do anythingI yank everyone back and forth as if they're some toy on a stringThe story revolves around me, but I'm nothing but a big boreYou might as well stick a stamp on me and mail me to Ecuador

(You might as well stick a stamp on her and mail her to EcuadorYou might as well stick a stamp on her and mail her to EcuadorThe story revolves around her, but she's nothing but a big bore!)

Then I can make a snooty celebrity look like a honeyI'd give every last one of those ladies a run for their moneyAs outrageous as it may sound, you folks gotta believe it's trueI am the very model of a modern major Mary Sue

(As outrageous as it may sound, you folks gotta believe it's trueShe is the very model of a modern major Mary Sue!)

In fact, why did the author even bother to write about me? It's plain enough that the whole world would be better off without meBecause all I do is eat and sleep and tease and torment the guysWhen it comes to pretentiously pretentiousness, I win the prize

I'm psychologically tortured and make it everyone's problemI'm pretty and popular, but also tedious and tiresome In short, you smart people should really have nothing to do with meJust lock me in the innermost basement and throw away the key

(Just lock her in the innermost basement and throw away the keyJust lock her in the innermost basement and throw away the keyYou people should really have nothing to do with the likes of she!)

For all my potential, I fall miserably short of the billI have been this way forever and I probably always willAs outrageous as it may sound, you folks gotta believe it's trueI am the very model of a modern major Mary Sue

(As outrageous as it may sound, you folks gotta believe it's trueShe is the very model of a modern major Mary Sue!)

Based on the fast-paced and tongue-twisting song "Model of a Modern Major General" from the comical opera The Pirates of Penzance. While listening to the song on my Zune on the way home from school today, this idea came to mind. I was originally gong to base it off "Twilight", but then decided to do a song that ridicules ALL Mary Sues, in general.

I wrote this in record time; it only took me just a little over an hour. I used to wonder for the longest time what Mary Sues and Gary Stus even were, and why everyone was so opposed to them, but now that I know, I'm striving to avoid making all my characters anything like them.

Here's the original song if you'd like to hear it (and try to sing along, if you think your tongue can take it): [link]