Wednesday, February 13, 2013

July 1987, an
“Experiment in International Living”, that’s what they called the homestay trip
that I took as a 16-year-old girl from the United States. I stayed with my
Irish host family who immediately paired me with their 16-year-old niece,
Karen. We became fast friends and found it impossible to say goodbye after my
three short weeks in Ireland.

Karen and Joy when they first met, as students in Ireland in 1987. Years later they met again and have endured years of complicated visa restrictions to stay together in America.

However, life
moves forward and time passes. We kept in touch through snail mail for years,
finally reconnecting in person in 2001 when I returned to Ireland for a brief
vacation. Karen soon followed me to the U.S. for her own holiday that same
year, just after the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Learning through that horrible
event that life can be short, I returned to Ireland for another visit in
February 2002 to explore exactly what this relationship was all about. Two full
weeks of inseparable bliss; by the time my flight home landed for the layover
from Dublin to Shannon I had decided I couldn’t live without her. I moved to
Ireland to be with Karen in July 2002.

For a year I
tried unsuccessfully to get a job in Ireland, while Karen had been laid off for
months. With money running short and a job offer waiting for me in the States
we decided to give it a go back in my home country. In September 2003 Karen
moved to the U.S. to be with me. Yay! Or so we thought.

Over nine
years and three lawyers later and we are still playing the U.S. visa game. We
had to figure out a way for Karen to remain in this country and get her
residency but also be able to travel home to visit her family. She started on
the Visa Waiver, then applied to a Veterinary Technology Program and got an F-1
visa. She remained on this visa for two years and we were able to travel back
to Ireland to visit her first nephew in his first few months of life, for his
christening, and shortly after the birth of his brother.However, each time was a grueling event for
Karen when passing through immigration.We were split up and Karen was often taken into another private room
where she was grilled with questions as to why she was coming to the US, what
connections did she have here, why couldn’t she go to school in Ireland. On one
occasion they kept her so long that they were calling our names over the PA
system over and over to board the plane. Each time, to our relief, she eventually
was passed through to enter the U.S. again.

June 2006 we took
a trip of a lifetime to Alaska. We unfortunately disembarked the cruise in
Vancouver, Canada and flew to Toronto where we had to go through U.S.
immigration before we boarded our flight for Philadelphia. As usual
procedure, I went through the U.S. line and Karen had to go through the non-US
citizen line. Once again we were separated. They took Karen into the
inside office. This was a familiar procedure by now for us so I wasn't too
worried until I waited. And waited and waited and waited.

I am sure it was
an hour or more I waited not knowing what was going on. Karen on the other
hand was being harassed by a U.S. Customs Officer. It was after 5PM and
the immigration officers were done for the day and Customs was handling her
case. He was very rude and refused to listen to anything Karen had to
say. He took her I-94 out of her passport, saying it should have been removed
when she left the country. This is not true as we found out later through our
lawyer that travel in and out of Canada is allowed on her visa and they do not
remove or issue new I-94. The officer finally allowed her entry in to the U.S.
but under a 30-day waiver, no new I-94, and rudely told her to get it
sorted.

It took us, with
the help of our third immigration lawyer, almost a year to get that issue
resolved. The lawyer has since assisted us with finding ways to keep Karen in
the U.S. legally through training visas, an application for an alien worker
visa, and currently another F-1 visa. The problem however, is that the lawyer
advised Karen not to travel out of the country. If she did, she would have to
go to a U.S. embassy to get her current visa put in her passport.

This may not seem
like a big deal – but actually it is. It is up to an individual immigration
officer to determine if he/she wants to grant the approved visa. We were
advised that it was highly likely that the official would deny the visa on the
basis that Karen has lived in the U.S. now for some time on non-immigrant
visas, not to mention if they discovered our relationship.So despite the fact that Karen is legally in
this country, we do not want to risk the life we have built here and therefore
we do not travel out of the US.

Keeping Karen in
the U.S. has been expensive: the legal fees and college tuition alone have cost
us tens of thousands of dollars. But the real cost has been the loss of time
spent with loved ones. We have been fortunate enough that Karen’s family does
visit often. But we miss so much. Not just special occasions like weddings,
births and milestone birthdays but being together. It has been seven years
since Karen and her two siblings have been in the same room together. That is
the hard part.

June 2011, we
married in Kent, Connecticut. We had a party here in the U.S. to celebrate with
all our U.S. friends and family. It would have been wonderful if we could have
traveled to Ireland for our honeymoon and had a celebration over there as well.

And so, this “Experiment
in International Living” continues with us applying for whatever visa we can to
keep Karen’s status legal. Waiting for the alien worker visa to come through,
which will give her permanent residency and hoping one day our relationship
will be recognized officially - either through Comprehensive Immigration Reform or the repeal of DOMA - so I can apply for a visa based on our marriage,
like heterosexual couples are able to do.

Are you a same sex binational couple? Do you have families / friends affected by this issue? Please contact us at http://bit.ly/O4ICountMeIn if you are interested in sharing your story.

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The Out4Immigration Blog

We are a volunteer grassroots organization that addresses the widespread discriminatory impact of U.S. immigration laws on the lives of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and HIV+ people and their families through education, outreach, advocacy and the maintenance of a resource and support network.

NO U.S. citizen should be forced to choosebetween country and partner!