This is a HUGE review of Sirona-Records release number 600, Gimme A Minute. The release has a clever idea, all tracks must be between 55 seconds and 65 seconds. It consists of 108 songs from 108 different artists, you can expect a lot of mayhem in it!

The review is done mainly with Alex Spalding and Kai Nobuko, two prominent musicians who unlike myself have talent; and alike myself host a free download release review site Yeah I Know it Sucks http://yeahiknowitsucks.blog.com. There are a lot of guests popping in the review and even I am not sure if they are all imaginary!

Alex Spalding is best known of his solo efforts, two of which I have reviewed in this blog. He is known to create very different albums, the three I am aware of vary from oldscool game music to heavy industrial and gentle melodic electronics. If Alex Spalding is a bit of a chameleon, Kai Nobuko has such an amount of projects it is absurd, for example crazy melodics of Toxic Chicken and minimal 8-bit ambience of Covolux. Covolux being my favourite of his projects has been reviewed in Nmmrem by yours truly.

The few of you who have the will to dig through it, enjoy the story, it is easily of novelette length having some odd twists and turns and yeah, even music reviewing. You can also easily just browse through and see if it has artists that you are interested about. It is not the most ordinary of reviews, it is more a description of oddness! Most importantly enjoy the Sirona 600 Gimme A Minute release.

An introduction to this crazy review (or; an account of the formation of the Fellowship of the Blog, aka the NSAB – National Shower Association and Bloggery): While showering one day, Nmmrem had a vision. A vision of magic and wonder that would change the course of internet music journalism history forever. The seer’s vision was of writing a review alongside KN and Alex at YIKIS for the soon-to-be released Siro600 compilation, for a dual release to YIKIS (http://yeahiknowitsucks.blog.com/) and Nmmrem’s home lair.

After sharing this vision with the two intrepid reviewers, it was immediately decided by each that the review would most certainly have to be forged for the stability of the universe, but that if we were to do so… it was agreed that it would need to be forged within the showers from which this vision originally sprang. Fasting forward to the present, the release of Siro600 has come to pass. It was just as the prophecy foretold; thusly, we began the adventure, and made our way to the Shower of Nmmrem… oh, and we also invited a few other people so that we’d have a full party.

Nmmrem: Hello guys I’m here as a guest reviewer seems the others haven’t arrived yet. Its great to be here, though the reality is much more dull as in earnest I am actually sitting in front of my computer like usually, sending this review by mail.Kai: “Shhh don’t break the illusion”Nmmrem: ?? Who is that? I’ve never heard his voice; but it must be Kai Nobuko. I have no idea how he injected that comment through my subconsciousness. I thought i was alone. I believe Alex isn’t on that high levels of Telepathy yet, so that must have been Kai. Am I Right Alex? … Alex? … It seems I am right*meanwhile, perched on a cactus in the middle of a desert and miles from the nearest shower, Alex is meditating, drenched in sweat and dust, while attempting to get a mental signal with the others using his brain, but it’s a dead zone so far. The desert, not the brain. … well, maybe both.*

Kai: hello Nmmrem and readers, sorry that it takes a bit of time for all the reviewers to arrive,I believe Alex Spalding, Johan Nederpel and perhaps Audio Hater will arrive any minute now.

Alex took them out to hopefully return with the finest soaps, shampoos and bathroom aromatherapy stuffs. If you don’t mind Nmmrem I will go directly into your bathroom and check the shower system. Also find a right spot for the waterproof audio system so we can all enjoy this giant compilation while we are showering together. It is going to be so much fun! And above the great music we are probably going to experience, we going to be so very clean! Hope Alex and the other crew members will arrive soon.. Alex? Hurry up! I’m already undressed and all that..*still in the desert…*

Alex: Goddamnit, it’s hot out here. Maybe I should forget all this psy-communication business and just teleport to the shower system. Better take off my clothes, too!Nmmrem: are you ready for this manly clean cut review of this special release of Sirona Records? I mean this is the 600th release!? A real reason to go naked and wrap ourselves in soapy bubbles..

Kai: Nice bathroom you got here, Nmmrem! And the shower seems to be perfect! The water proof audio system seems to be working pretty well too.

Nmmrem: Does all the sticky business always have to happen in my bathroom? Last time I was sponging the remains out for weeks. Well in theory at least, actually I believe it just cleaned itself. When you live in a two person household it’s unbelievable that even when I just ignore the dirt, things become clean!

*Poof!*Alex:Ah, here I am! Sorry, I did not mean to be late. I brought soap, but it’s a bit melty. I found a loofah sponge as well. Where is Johan? I thought he would be here already? Nice shower, by the way…Kai: Did you decorated the place yourself? I love the flower tiles! It will make our listening session so much more wonderful..

Nmmrem: Yeah I did but don’t tell anyone I insisted on those pink ones… I’m supposed to be all kvlt and shit. It would destroy my reputation.

Alex: We are already on air

Nmmrem: … I didn’t know it was possible to broadcast a written review live…Alex: From within The Shower Matrix, anything is possible! But let’s get the music review started, eh???

1. Kanellos – Imminence

Nmmrem: Space ambient remniscient, raindrop-like glitching. Very definition of an intro. The ambience of Kanellos had a really good deep sound with lots of layering in his last release Destroy Music. He does it here too. Very often free download ambient consist of muddy sounds and glitching but Kanellos does it sharp. Like he really knows what he is doing.

Alex: I hope you do not mind, but I tend to raise the water temperature frequently in the shower… by the way, this track is great! Really mellow, kind of like the soap we’re using.

Kai: I am so glad that we are on the same line with our opinions about this track. It feels indeed like there couldn’t be a better intro to this compilation than this one.Very mellow and there is even some kind of door opening to a different dimension.

2. Lost Technology – Survival FrenzyNmmrem: Deep. I mean nearing the Mariana Trench. Tribal beats pound their way upwards from the depths.

Alex: There is this deep rumbling in the pit of my stomach. Should have eaten before I got here, but… wait, no, it is just the music! I’m hearing throbs of bassnoise and I’m loving those tribal percussions, the mixing of sounds on this track is amazing!Kai: there is some water in my ear, but i believe every word you are saying!Alex: I feel renewed, clean… and I haven’t even started washing yet!

3. Dark Electronic Poets – Snap The Poets

Nmmrem: Similarly this seems to come from the depths of the ocean; submarine like voice clips.

Kai: hey guys, it seems that we have something leaking in the bathroom. I can hear small drops of water falling down and after a bit, the rhythm seems to multiply. Also i think we should move the temperature a bit lower as i can hardly see with all this hot steam in our shower cabin. For some remarkable reason it seems that the leakage and steam is coming from waterproof speakers.. It is probably the sound of the Dark Electronic Poets. I can hear one of them talking through the drain while playing with a lighter. These crazy poets, always have to be different to gather our attention.

Alex: This water is like ice, Kai!!! Too cold, too cold… I’m shriveling up and might have to seek solace in the nether-reaches of the shower for a bit… from back here, the music is icy, ambient, whispery. There are robots talking, too, but I can’t make out what they’re saying. Maybe I should have brought a coat?

Nmmrem: It is always sensible to have your coat in a shower. Just in case.

*Nmmrem leaves to get his coat*

Kai: I brought a raincoat.. If you want you may borrow it for the rest of this shower session..

Alex: Oh, hey, that is so nice of you!

Kai: exactly! I’m sorry Alex, I changed my mind, you should have brought your own raincoat.It is common sense to bring one when you go to a intimate reviewers meeting. Besides I think to wrap it around my head as a tulband, i heard it is the latest thing in fashion land.Alex: Aw, shucks.

*Nmmrem walks in the shower dressed to a woolen winter jacket*

4. Doombox – No HonorNmmrem: Noise, spoken word. Doesnt make a lot of sense at first but entertains.Alex: I found it to be kind of pleasant listening, like acid but very noisy, with riot speech on top. Could burn a hole in the drains if we let it leak out.Kai: I perceived this as a highly political track of someone’s frustration against government and the enforcement of it. Call me nuts, but i give it extra bonus points just because this track offers the right frustration in a noise way. Did you say Riot speech. Alex?

Nmmrem: Riot speech thats exactly the term! Is it a quote from some mentally unstable man not in terms with the riot happening around him? Thats the image the song brings in my mind. Very acidy surprising noise, but not overpeaking instead creating a tense atmosphere with sound variation. The better and also much harder way of creating that tense atmosphere (as opposed to A FUCKING VOLUME ASSAULT).Kai: I think we all love this track dearly..Alex: I most certainly do! This shower is a ruckus zone right now.

5. Neptunium – Demonic FrequenciesAlex: There’s like… a bassy distorted BUMP! – and then some low resonant drones, some church bells. Then it’s like some straight dope gabba. I’m restraining myself from dancing to it because Nmmrem’s shower has a NO HOOLIGANS sign out front.

Nmmrem: 4th of 5 tracks that has a very spacey / oceanic ambient vibe. Also a deep beat and some tempo in the end. Heading out of the intro section!Kai: What NO HOOLIGANS sign?! Alex: You didn’t see it? Wait, it might have been hanging on the refrigerator. I forgot that I took a snoop around Nmmrem’s place before popping into the bathroom!

Nmmrem: Alex is right, the sign is on the refrigerator, we have a strict policy in the house disallowing hooligans from entering our refrigerator.

6. Porion – Un instant d’anéantissementKai: What are we having here? a little itchy bitchy little spider is among us!

I am not talking about you Alex, i’m really seeing a small spider coming down on his little bungy jump rope.Alex: No, that was me, actually… joking, joking… 😉Nmmrem: Dramatic. Lots of tension. My favourite so far.

Kai: It is a funny moment as it looks like the spider got the perfect timing for its appearance. It just makes perfect sense with the music that is playing by Porion. A little surprise comes as the tiny hairy legged creature is also able to talk. I have no idea what he is saying really, but when it slides down in the middle of us in the shower he whispers words in his spidery language. You do hear it too, Nmmrem? Alex? Johan?

Alex: I hear… so many beautiful things… crashing around all over the place…Johan: (Incomprehensible dialogue coming from the toilet)

Kai: The music of Porion is like a little story and I have no idea how the ending will be, but the breakdancing spider is sure a fascinating sight to watch.. Don’t you step on him Johan! Aawh! Oh well I guess sooner or later he would have been flushed down the drain anyway? Plus I assume that this moment was the best moment of his life , so better to die under Johan Nederpel’s legendary feet than drowning in a sewer among smelly turds.

Nmmrem: What the hell is a Porion anyway, i reckon its probably the spider subspecies. Kai: Porion, isn’t that some kind of ripe pimple, ready to be squeezed on a youthful face? Think it sounds pretty cool for a artist name

Nmmrem: Who is this Johan? Is there a Johan with us? Identify yourself!Johan: (More incomprehensible mumbling, followed by a fart)Alex: I saw him come in silently about 10 minutes ago, I think he got lost somewhere… you have a very spacious shower here Nmmrem, I get the feeling if I wandered off I might never be heard from again.

Johan: ….. (some kind of babble from the direction of the toilet again)

7. Egg Nebula – SiriusNmmrem: A displeasing start, the shower drying off from water to the sound of Egg Nebula. Kai and Alex with wordless screams in their faces.

Then at time with a stream of pleasingly warm water starts of the melodics! Flashing light extravaganza in the shower and bodies bump against each other to the beat.

It is quite fitting that on a 108 track release the first 6 tracks serve as intros that Porion finely escalated into Egg Nebula. Supercatchy beat, glitched the right way and a bit of awesome 8-bit sounds. Overcomes the favourite status. The 1 minute length serves it extremely well.

Alex: Sirius… I have to assume we’re talking about the dogstar, and not the satellite radio service? It’s raining, or maybe that’s just coming from the shower head… then we get some funky ass tech-house, a nice bassline with some cut up vocals. This is really fun, party music! I almost slipped in the shower while dancing to it.

Kai: Alex, do not worry I instructed Johan Nederpel to catch us if one of us would slip in this shower..But where is he? I heard him, but I still didn’t seem him. He is such a shy and gentle awesome guy!

8. Concealed Sequence – C6+Ustep (Abjective mx)

Nmmrem: Continuing the melodic cycle, shower lights turning from bright colours to more serious deep green and ocean blue. Can’t imagine why it didn’t leave a deeper mark on me the first time. Surely top notch.

Alex: It’s kind of like breakcore with symphonic layers, some tightly synthesized bell pads and some saw waves that sound like something from out of an old workstation keyboard. Really enjoying this one!

Kai: I don’t want to sound like the last idiot in the row, repeating everything that has already been said. But yes, if you were searching for the right moment to put the lights of the shower on and off in a rapid speed for a stroboscope effect, than this track would definitely fit the right mood. Alex: Nothing says “it’s time to party” like a strobe light!

9. Rhythum – Think Too MuchNmmrem: The composer definitely thought too much with this absurd piano beat; super-jazzy, like two melodies melt together just forming contact with each other. It is quite awesome. The length is 1:06?? DISQUALIFIED.Alex: Oh snap, just when I was about to say what an orgasm I was having with this nu-jazz breaks track, I find out it went over it’s time allotment. I would have never caught that!Kai: Let us prepare a toast for this disqualification! I hope you dont mind that I arranged some high quality luxury champagne? I have kept it for the right moment, so I hope it isnt out of date and still sparkly. May I pronounce a toast on 2 years of Sirona Records? I can’t believe it is 2 years, actually? Is it really? It seems like Sirona have been around for ages? Lets toast upon the 600th release of this fine supplier of free music! Cheers!

Ah you know I almost forgot to tell you but this music we are hearing is just plain perfect. And also sets the perfect mood to enjoy some alcoholic bubbles, some extra body to body massage milk rubbing and just the perfect chill out lounge music to shower with. Simply loving every second of it, anyone wants some more bubbles?Let’s not think too much and also not drink too much, after all we have a long review to go..

Nmmrem: Seems the champagne best before is dated 27.3.2011. So it should be even better.

Alex: Yes! This man knows.

Kai: I drink anything with bubbles.. Pass me the liquid soap please?

Alex: Here you are. It’s “Wild” Cherry Blossom flavoured. 😉*everyone clinks their glasses of champagne and soap for the glory and health of Sirona-Records*

10. Hu Creix – Dust of bones

Nmmrem: Hu Creix’s is known for his mixture of ambience and brass instruments and Dust of bones prominently shows exactly that. Unlike his newest release the last door, it doesn’t feature vocals.

I asked Hu Creix about the creation of the track and he explained that two different kinds of sax were used. Some simple dark ambient and trying to approach an oriental feel with rhythics, and by supporting the rhythm with the sax. The title is referring to a sea of dust from innocent bones. Soul that remains happy after death in a deserted kingdom.

Kai: I always feel like I have to smoke a cigarette when listening to jazzy sexy sax. I quitted some years ago as every time when lighting one up my teeth were falling out. Do not ask for an explanation because I believe it has something to do with some kind of anti smokers curse. Luckily i brought a tiny piece of wood to suck on, for moments like this. Absolutely enjoyable, and I’m sure even so much more when able to smoke cigarettes in the shower!

Alex: I can’t go anywhere without my cigarettes. Is this shower smoking, Nmmrem? *lights up without waiting for an answer*Kai: ah damnit! Who needs teeth anyway? Pass me one ziggy please, Alex.. and the lighter.. (spits out some teeth) Ah, the fine pleasure of smoking! You can have my raincoat!

11. Omega Dub Experience – Forgotten Landscapes

Nmmrem: Wait it indeed isn’t Deathspell omega but Omega Dub experience. The vocals seem to hit straight on your skin. They are so close you can feel the vocalists spit on your face.

Alex: Sorry, that was me again! I was shaggy dogging it trying to rinse out the shampoo. Who are all these people talking? Oh, they’re in the music. This is like, some hip hop with an interesting profile of sounds used, some really interesting vocalisations, very rough…

Kai: I’m so glad that these voices aren’t inside my head… Well.. Actually they are.. But uh..in a different kind of way, that is.. I’m a big fan of vocalist spitting in my face.

Alex: I’ll bet if you sit close enough, Celene Dion spits in people’s faces during performances.Kai: I heard story’s of Celene Dion shitting on stage Las Vegas style. She does it every night with a trombone section in the background, highlighting every squat she makes. I would pay to see that shit, wouldn’t you?Alex: Oh, absolutely. That’s showbiz, yeah!

12. Body 13 – Death of the Salamander (General February Remix)Nmmrem: Its becoming harder to say anything interesting about all these interesting ambient things!

Kai: Ah I just knew when i saw ‘Body 13’ that it must be a time for some more good music. The music itselfs makes our shower situation in some kind of toxic biohazard. I enjoy this poisonous experience and think it is time to show this new product that is called ‘Protex’. It comes in this bottle and if you tap the top of it there will be a nice looking green liquid popping out. The thing is that this liquid looks highly toxic, but it should protect our body’s for bad odours and bacteria. I will recommend it to all of you to rub it on as we are standing already some time under the shower now and I still smell my own armpits. Anyway before I wander off too much again, Death of the Salamander funny enough made me think of this green liquid, biohazards and just plain rocking chair experimental radiation in a comfortable way.in any case Nmmrem, i think you got a point! 🙂Alex: I have to agree with the both of you! I hate it when that happens, because I’m trying to come up with some original stuff here, haha! The sounds are like inorganic chemicals synthesised in a lab, highly experimental, like some mad scientist playing around on Absynth.

13. midnightradio11 – i see youNmmrem: Bohren & Der Club of Gore have an album called midnight radio. In a sense the atmosphere on this is similar. But its not doom jazz. It’s heavy ambient. Nearing the end, more eerie sounds surface and the promise of pleasant night-time ambience withers away. Unless you like eery, that is.Alex: Electro monsoon approaching…Kai: Too me it sounds like something is crawling in the pipeline drainage network, system .And it is possibly of Satanic nature.. a rat with a politician face?

Nmmrem: Definitely doing it for me, very tense piece. Its like my legs can’t carry my weight anymore. Though it might just be this woolen jacket that I’m wearing…

14. Theonugraha – goes to campusNmmrem: One of the most absurd tracks. A vivid image of a guy on LSD walking to his campus while tripping and seeing colours everywhere.Alex: It is very absurd, but I’m enjoying the playfulness of it. It’s like discovering electronic sounds all over again, an old synthesizer on some strange sliding scale, dancing up and down my spinal column. It just suddenly ends, though!Kai: I agree with the LSD comment. May i take the opportunity to remember the inventor of this substance on his first magical bicycle ride? It seems like a perfect track to pay respect to this awesome event in human history.

Alex: Yeah, I thought that was a beautiful story of peaceful awakening!

15. Kez le zeK – MuceoKai: Kez le zeK made me freak out as when hearing ‘Muceo’ I had instant hallucinations of creepy crawlers, bloodsuckers and other creepy bugs crawling among the water between our toes. A strange feeling of unpleasant pleasantness. Nmmrem: Well if the last track by Theonugraha was the happy section of the trip on Kez le zeK the trip goes bad, he notices that the campus is infested with mucus and mould and he cannot breathe inside.Kai: so it was just not all an illusion?Alex: Guys… the same thing just happened to me. I think we are not alone in here…*At that moment, a dianoga tentacle grabs Audiohater’s leg and pulls him under the inch of water at the bottom of the shower. Kai, Alex and Nmmrem futilely attempt to find him for a moment, but give up because he has completely disappeared. After a few seconds, he comes back up again gasping for air with the tentacle around his neck. Chewbacca growls, and then he goes down beneath the water again. After a few more seconds, Audiohater resurfaces and yells something about how it just let go of him and left*Alex: … wait, when did Audiohater get here?Chewbacca: (growls)

16. Deformister – SatelliteNmmrem: Out of the campus nightmare. In the clear air, suddenly its late evening and things are groovy. A beer on his hand, walking out seems like the world world is similing at him. Odd scratching sounds made me look if someone is behind me. There was! Floor.

Alex: What are you doing down there? Here, I will give you a wet, slippery hand while I talk about this track… loving the ambient chillness of this music, it’s been a long time since I’ve listened to any of Deformister’s work, and this is worlds apart from the last thing I’d heard. Traces of female vocal drift in seductively with those congas and filtered chords. So cool!

Nmmrem: I did not even notice the female vocals with you guys here in the shower but its true, it might be seductive in another place! Or what do you think future Nnmrem?

*Nmmrem two days after; proofreading the review*: Confirmed, it is seductive.Alex *still in Nmmrem’s house after forgetting how to teleport back*: Yeah, like a succubus or something! By the way, we might need more beer. *burp*Kai: (jerking off in a corner)

17. MushroomWavved Collar – in the corner i’m laughing

Nmmrem: Now the protagonist that started his voyage from track number 14 (Theonugraha) has reached a very visual phase. Things twist and change senselessly in the air in front of him, on the walls. It is hard to get a grip on existence. Sometimes a rhythm is found, but only occasionally, the search for the rhythm is on.

Kai: I know about this search for rhythm, I’ve been trying to trace it down myself many times.I have traveled many showers, drains and sewers from Columbia, to all the way over the globe back to Columbia. I personally have searched every stone, looked under every flowerpots and had multiple spastic dance attacks (neither one of them was rhythmic).I don’t want to make people nervous, but lately I came across an intelligent source that told me that Sean Derrick Cooper Marquandt has the rhythm at home. He smuggled it by accident inside his guitar. That was what I have been told, eh?

Alex: I’m hearing some interesting backmasked guitars, and some pads creep in with feedback and bits of free floating samples, acoustic guitars… this is really good! O_O The drums sound like they’ve made a break from reality, exist in a different space from the rest of us.

Kai: Uh, Guys I’m upside down on the ceiling, in case you were searching for me..

18. OsO4 – At the laundry service

Nmmrem: Because doing laundry just isn’t very enjoyable. Os04 has created a laundry service phobia where the machines are ominously washing the evil clothes.

Alex: Hahaha!

Kai: I perceived it entirely different. I couldn’t hear one washing machine..

OsO4 (who is known for its noise outputs among many damaged ears) is showing a sensible side on this special compilation. The title made me suspect harsh noise with washing machines as a hardcore source of inspiration, but the actual track was like a surprise in a chocolate egg. To come to the point, this is a slimey, crawling piece of music that slips by like a cobra in search for its prey. Perhaps not the kind of surprise you will normally find in a chocolate egg, but that will make it even more surprising! But no washing machines could be traced with my own ears though!!

Alex: I heard something else… a gritty mashing of sounds thrown up from out of a graintable synthesizer… sounding like frustrated downtempo industrial warehousescapes, with crushing and obliviated percussive tones. Its like a depth-swell of nihilism or audiological angst.

19. Penny Pennassi – Morte

Nmmrem: Hell the machines just became deadly, it is not just clothes it is rocks all around you. Machines bumping and crashing in front of you. Occasionally rocks burst through the glass and water comes out. Evil laundry-keeper talks to you senselessly that you should do something to it but you just cannot figure out what. Nightmare-like.

Alex: Damned evil laundry-keepers! Used to try and take advantage of the wifi at my previous laundromat, but it was locked by a security code that they changed every week so that you always had to ask someone what it was… but there was not always anyone there! Musically, ‘Morte’ makes me feel like I’m being stampeded by noise, but there is also a peculiar current of metal guitar and sample segments that feel like tv-trash culture. Also, lol’d a bit at the artist name… Penny Pennassi!? It’s genius.

Kai: isn’t that the assistent of James Bond? Penny Pennassi?

Alex: Yeah! And she looked like Jaws in drag.

Nmmrem: You mean James Pond? Talking about movies, laundry-keeper sounds like he could be the cousin of Gatekeeper and Keymaster from Ghostbusters!

Nmmrem: Hey, proper hardcore punk. Vocals are more grindcore when the riff has a bit of pop-punk in it. In total it is very hardcore.

Kai: Hardcore Assrippers, isn’t that a ‘sexy genre’ in the local porno video store?Not that i would know such a thing, the holy innocent saint that I am pretending to be.

Alex: Saints gotta know these things! The Vatican’s got one of the most extensive porno collections in the world, but any time I try to call them about renting something they hang up. Guess you have to be on the list.

Kai: You mean the sex offenders list?

Alex: Yeah, that’s the one!

21. OttovRhino – 112/18

Nmmrem: Another guy speaking a senseless language on an ambient track. What?

Kai: I thought it was you, my friends?*Johan is now washing Kai’s back*

Johan: (inaudible dialogue)

Alex: … what? Anyway, yeah, so this track is like a ringing in my ears. Maybe I got swimmers ear when I was washing my hair earlier. There’s a drone of chatter, and I can’t figure out if it’s Johan Nederpel or the music, but there’s just no way to tell what is being said at all. It’s all scrambled or something. The music is very minimal.

Dick Assholson: I thought this track was shit.Alex: Dick Assholson!? When did you get here??? You hate all music, though. -_-

Dick: No I don’t, I actually love music. I just hate how all of it is executed.

Alex: Damnit, Dick Assholson, why are you such an asshole!?Dick: Because I come from a long line of Assholes.Alex: … huh?Dick: Like on Human Centipede…Alex: … oh, right. Yeah, I guess that makes sense.

Kai: You, Johan Nederpel, Alex and Dick Assholson are talking to each other and completely ignoring that it is my turn to use my wit and knowledge to review this track. They just keep on chatting with each other like old lady’s on a birthday party. Hello! HELLO! GUYS! please, whisper silently as this could be one of the highlights of this compilation, after all it is a track delivered by the legendary OttovRhino ! Hearing this track with my full attention it almost feels like a flashback from just a few seconds ago. A lot of talking in an experimental audio environment. It could have been a recording of a meeting between a group of retarded music reviewers who are totally fascinated about the feedback peep of a microphone. Pretty good, if you would ask me!

Nmmrem: Hey yeah that sounds like Alex! He just had to get had get his opinions on surface, on top of OttovRhino track on a music collection. He must have thought that the way he slowed down the speed and then fastened the tempo makes him unrecognizable!

Alex: How’d you know??? I feel like the villain on an episode of Scooby Doo who’s just been unmasked.

Kai: Wow, I just feel completely brainfucked at the moment.. Scooby Dooby D’Ooohh!

22. LiL – Nekrospazmatik

Nmmrem: Spasmic indeed. I’ll quote a band Crotchduster on this: “It sounded like it was recorded in mono into a boombox that was inside a metal trash can.”

Alex: I think we can’t forget to mention that aside from being very spazmatik, this track is also pretty nekro. Just a LiL bit. I don’t know if I can clean this mess out of my ears… that shrill leprechaun, that endless snare being smacked, the feedback… though I thought the atmospherics were nice!

Kai: I must be drunk from the soapy bubbles, I simply can’t understand one word the both of you are saying.. Where is the sensible to the point critic of Johan Nederpel when you need it the most? Johan! You are the only one who can make sense now..

Johan: (Garbled nonsense…)

Alex: … we really need to check Johan’s reception, he doesn’t seem to be coming in clearly.

23. StruKtur – 62.929

Alex: The noise hath begun… what do you think of this?

Nmmrem: Harsh noise assault not for the weak of mind. But definitely right length for a harsh noise track. Thunder-like booming shifts. SHH. I’ll tell you a secret, don’t tell anyone, especially not the police. I found a COMPLETELY ILLEGAL remix of the same track, apparently it has just been transponed to 8-bit with some software. The artist doesn’t know about it so lay low everyone: http://archive.org/details/123StruKtur62.929VeryIllegal8BitRemix

Alex: What happens in the shower, stays in the shower… totally legit description of the track though, it really is an assault! I’m exfoliating right now with this music, but it’s like taking a brillo to the skin with some citric acid. Ouch!

Kai: I’m absolutely in love with this track! A right attack on the ears and it succeeds with great succes! Perhaps I’m into brillo to the skin things, I have to try it out one of these days..

24. Iamdeadsmiles58 – Rapeing cardeliaKai: This is the moment that I realized that there was a large piece of soap stuck in both my ears. Luckily the catchy song by Iamdeadsmiles58 blow them so hard deep into my ears that the pieces of soap popped out of my nose holes! What is this miracle music that saved my ears from muffled sounds?

Nmmrem: A heavy part continues with deathcore/grindcore assault. I am not digging the vocal style so I do not find much enjoyment even though the instrumentations have some punch…

Kai: ah so this is deathcore, grindcore? They must start using it in hospitals at the hearing aid problem departments.. Thought it was pretty awesome though.. Or did a piece of soap got stuck in my brain too?

Nmmrem: I need to start using the same soap you do.

Alex: I believe you can buy it wherever pain is sold. Probably black market… I think it’s just foreskins and lye. Anyway, this music is sounding like what Cradle Of Filth should have been. xP

Kai: Filthy?

25. Exclamation Point – Io sono il Diavolo

Nmmrem: Ouch. a bit too loud at the beginning. Harsh noise that is heavy but more on the treble department. Some sort of twisting white noise? Very distorted, I prefer StruKtur over this. Exclamation Point sounds at times like it could turn out to acoustic guitar. I’ve must have heard a similar sound doing that before.

Alex: Ok, so I haven’t seen Johan, Audiohater or Dick Assholson for awhile now… did they leave already? I think they took Chewbacca with them. 😦

Kai: Seriously? I knew that Audio Hater was a lazy bum, but from the others it feels like a huge let down.. I’m sure they are here somewhere.. So what did this music to you my well respected Yeah I Know It Sucks reviewer?

Alex: The music is cheering me up. It’s just some loud, crusted noise, kinda lofi. For some reason, I’m imagining a dark tunnel. It’s wet, decrepit… there’s some trash and a lost sock… and this is the soundtrack.

Kai: I’m also enjoying it. It is perhaps a weird perception but this track seems to make me happy and smiley. When i close my eyes i see parameters that glow red hot like a chilli pepper. Indeed a dark tunnel, probably the inside of an asshole.. Fascinating stuff, the human body!

Kai: Is it because we are showering, or is everything in this compilation secretly based on ass, and assholes? hardcore and ass-rippers? And now Ass kickers!? But yes, it indeed kicks ass so hard that it melts.. I’m stealing your words, Alex. I couldn’t come up with better ones myself.

Alex: Yeah, I noticed that as well. It must be the sight of all of our bare asses in this shower that keeps causing it to be brought up!

Nmmrem: Now very RedSKish beginning clip and surprising turns. Turns to a nice beat with a lot of glitch, lovely dirty. Love the sound clip in the middle.Kai: Is your ass melting too?

Nmmrem: Brilliant beginning, mighty beat. If the latter track was entertaining, this is super entertaining. Definitely among my favourites.

Kai: Yes this is a simple, to the point banging track that will give us hallucinations by banging our wet heads against each other! Yihaa! Never noticed your long hair, Nmmrem! It all fly’s up in my face, and might i apologise for my giant wet afro haircut that ends up multiple times in Alex his mouth while dancing to this? It is like the old school stuff from early Alec Empire but than ten tons time better! And might I add, the sound quality of this raw piece is crystal clear too!

Alex: Yeah, I got a touch of an Alec Empire vibe on this as well as on the previous track ‘Club Foot’. One of my faves so far as well, Nmmrem… this and Rhythum’s ‘Think Too Much’, as well as Hu Creix’s ‘Dust Of Bones’… oh, and Deformister’s ‘Satellite’. Those are my top four, as of yet.*Alex grabs some soap on a rope and starts swinging them to the broken groove*

Nmmrem: Its a good track, but just in case Infrabaffes, I still won’t smell your socks.

28. Bassookah – Hold The Swine

Nmmrem:Back on the all that jazz, a turn to the lighter side. The drums could be metal but they sound light, distorted noise nearing up extremely light cookie monster growling. This could be the bastard child from Pigeon Cadaver’s and Purulent Headache’s psilocybin tripping years (name dropping obscure underground artists!)

Marraskesi: It is just frogs – using way too much drugs.

Alex: Kai… it’s not in the way that you hold me, and it’s not in the way you say you care, but could you grab me the soap again? I think I missed a spot.

Kai: sure thing..

Alex: Oh, and hold the line, because love isn’t always on time. This pig-acid low volume repetitive metal loop track is on time, but the piano sample is definitely not on time with the speed-addled breakbeats. Fucking Toto.

29. hiyohiyoipseniyo – estopor

Alex: Aggghhhh, some noise just happened. Bassy, rasping crunch guitars, lotsa noise, some clipped up chunks of sound. I think I dropped the soap, uh oh!

Kai: I’m not picking up the soap again, Alex. I just got fucked by Toto

Kai: Really they play this stuff in the top 20 nowadays? Reason to go back and check the charts again and leave the underground for what it is.. cheerio! nah, I just stay here if you don’t mind..

Nmmrem: They play this on the top 20 fuckfest charts in Punishtube.

30. Circuit Demon – Kuklinski

Kai: I’m loving everything what i’m hearing. over here It must be the wobs and the wobly wubs that are so entertaining. I must say that i found it also very refreshing to hear that there isn’t any dubstep surrounding these wubs wubs. It is more of a bouncy wub experience. I don’t know how you guys feel about it, but I suddenly feel the urge to rub my bum against the wall in a saucy way.

Alex: Shit, wasn’t expecting so suddenly this acid tech. Kinda thumpy and atmospheric, lower bpm than you’d expect for this kind of music, but it’s totally welcome, gives the track a more oldschool techno and kind of jazzy vibe, like Juan Atkins’ Infiniti project almost, or Galaxy 2 Galaxy.

Kai: I like to jump up and down and splash in the pools of water. Especially when hearing this Astral Space track coming out so unexpectedly.

Marraskesi: Hippobiittinen avaruushimmailu.

32. 2nnt – Megalomaniac

Alex: This is lofi jungle riddims with some very subtle and intriguing backgrounds, I can’t keep myself from leaning into the speakers trying to hear what’s going on back there.

Kai: Ah don’t worry my friend, it’s just me checking my nipples. Got to make sure they are still there, you see? This track is nice, it entertains like some kind of book in an unreadable ancient language.

Nmmrem: Not exactly huge, though the name hints that way. Until 0.25 where it actually does get big. Some complex background tribal stuff. Lots of variations, sounds it is a 3 to 4 minute song but put in more compact space.

33. Pogohm – Alien Resistance (Short Edit)

Nmmrem: It would be danceeble if it wasnt this hard. And i don’t mean it negatively. I really like the sense in music that makes rhythmic dancing impossible because of its diversity. And it doesn’t do it because it is random or has abrupt pauses. I suppose if trance had any quality it should sound like this, like you can only dance it in a trance where you do not care about anything else!

Kai: Yes, i agree, being with all these fine reviewers under the shower sometimes gets things hard, which makes it not easy to dance the dance we wanted to dance.It is not only our musical intellect and ego’s who are so appealing, but the music on this compilation is also pretty arousing. Like this track over here by the irresistible Pogohm.It made me so hard, i could pole dance on my own pole.

Kai: how is it going over there, Alex? You oke?

Alex: So hard! But I agree with you, that it is very trance-inducing, the brokenness of the beatwork is alluring. I’m really getting sucked in.

34. Randomatik Blast – Somewhere I

Nmmrem: Somewhere you what?

Alex: It’s like a choose-your-own-adventure. Somewhere I… could be anywhere.

Kai: Somewhere in the shower of Nmmrem?

Nmmrem: Top class distortion guitar hook that comes after the intro. I guess this sounds like Linkin Park? I haven’t listened them since the early 2000’s (except when i’ve been forced to). I did not think I’d like stuff that sounds like them, but I was disappointed when the track ended; really fresh material.

Alex: Speaking of Linkin Park, I bought their debut album around the time it first came out in a record store. I had been trying to find anything even remotely interesting to listen to, hoping for something obscure but not really discovering much. Then I see the Linkin Park album… they had a placard nearby explaining that their sound was industrial or something, like NIN and Orgy and all this shit that isn’t really industrial. Out of morbid curiosity I picked it up, got it home, listened to it, and ended up soon giving it away to someone else I knew who had bad taste because I thought it sucked so badly. Still to this day I think they’re shit. Anyway, stupid story, back to this music… I’m actually kind of enjoying it at first, I don’t think it sounds too much like Linkin Park… well, no, it kind of does, but maybe not so much that it renders it unenjoyable. It’s got some experimental bits to it, but then the section with the limp distorted guitars bores and irritates me a little.

35. morsmores – doctor freud

Nmmrem: Freud has always been some absurd term for me and this outlines my idea of it perfectly. Far-away ambience and a voice clip (Freud himself?) on the background. Does that refer to Morsmores not getting the man and where he stands for?

Alex: It’s very ambiental, with a subtle 4/4 pulse of bass cutting through the thick of the lofi noise. But, you should listen to it, because my description – while maybe correct – doesn’t feel to me like it explains it quite like it sounds. Freud has a tendency to crop up just when you least expect it, usually wearing a slip.

Kai: I used to read a whole book of this Freud person and it seemed to me that he had no clue how people work and had lots of mental problems. He could have been a great gifted reviewer, analyzing stuff in his own narrow minded way.

36. Monster Weird – CosmosKai:I have to admit that this track is one of these highlights on this compilation. Monster Weird is such a successful beautiful project by D0x10 and nobody less than Kai Nobuko that I can only praise every single second of it! Well done guys and big up for Monster Weird!

I did not know it was a side project of D0x10!

Alex: I love Monster Weird!!! Very nice ambient pad texture, I feel like I’m flying on a nimbus cloud over trees and suspicious looking mushrooms… but, I’m really just in a shower with two or more guys. I’ve lost track of everyone still in here…

Nmmrem: Cosmos is huge allright. The tracks feels like a small glimpse of that.

37. Syndrôm – Sirop D’Agave

Nmmrem: Translated: Agave syrup? Is it actually edible?

Kai: Yes, yes it certainly is.. and even better: they make great shampoo from it!

Nmmrem: If it tastes like this sounds I want it for breakfast. After translating the title I cannot stop thinking about a colourful process of someone making agave syrup. Animation video? Anyone?

Alex: For this track, I suggest we get plastered on tequila! These breaks are nice, skittery at times, with samples of acoustic guitar and some “chicka chicka yeah” type vocals thrown in. Kinda nice!

Kai: I don’t have tequila, but we could put some strawers in the toilet and pretend? Music wise I love Sirop D’Agave. It thrills my ears with a refreshing vibe! It also seems very biological and friendly to me. The title itself makes me think of the artist called Ron D’Andrea, but that is a complete different story..

38. Filthy Fingered – The Canyons

Nmmrem: So is it some filthy skank fingered or nice chick fingered filthily?

Alex: Perhaps we’ll try both and see which fits the mood? Johan! Johan!? Agh, I can never get my experiments started. Anyway, this music is all over the place, talking about smoking crack and all kinds of shit while this sink-faucet filtered rhythm is going. The end is really strange…

Kai: haha, I love LOVE love this tracNmmrem: ends abruptly.

39. Swin Deorin – WindowsillKai: I don’t know what happened over here, but Swin Deorin took my ears away in a short daydream of sweet electronic music. I dreamed with my eyes open and saw all of us going through the drain, but instead that we would end up in the sewer, we were seeing beautiful things. Art on the walls, painted oceans, we met friendly wales and the smell was like lavender. The music is so short but oh so memorable. Absolutely want to hear and see more of these unexpected lovely audio trips, what about you guys?

Nmmrem: The friendly Wales? Not the rugby hooligans trying to enter my refrigerator I hope? Listened the Scottish artist Swin Deorin before but it didn’t leave a really good impression on me. From this this is a vast improvement. Wonderful mood and variating beat that makes me want to review my opinions about Swim Deorin again. Top 20.

Alex: Listening to the music, and listening to you both speak, I have decided I am in agreement here. The bright ambient sounds mix really well with the varied electronic IDM percussions. I feel like I’m playing a Sega underwater.

Kai: Don’t do it, Captain! You might get electrocuted!

40. Ech(o) – The Simple Beat of My Heart

Nmmrem: Strong atmosphere. Movie clip in the background of piano; something i dig but doesn’t really materialize what the little boy in the sound clips is discussing about. Something about a turret. I hope its Scorched Earth. Should revisit that game again.

Alex: Begins with bells, added white noise or maybe ultrasound or some stretched sounding samples, a boy talking about a turret. Intriguing compilation of sounds!

Kai: Turret? Turret? What the hell is a turret? Fucking hell! Help me and other foreign exchange readers out with the secretive knowledge you two seem to have! I was thinking it had to do something with the tourette syndrome? (fuck shit, fuck shit!) Or is it some kind of strange animal?

Alex: I’m really liking it! Noise is in the eye of the beholder, it’s really like a soundscape that we’re surfing… waves of electronics, a mosaic of sounds, all of them very beautiful. I could slip into a coma from an overdose of this, good thing it’s only 1:04! Kai, the birds… Marraskesi, the trees… what are they saying?

Marrakesi: Nocturnal saplings growing in a spectral forest!

Kai: They are warning us for rain, bad weather and they also plead not to shit on our heads when we walk out in the open air. Oh and they are laughing at our haircuts.

Alex: Damn, and I thought mine was pretty k00l. Oh well.

42. Shooting Birds Out The Sky – Engine Oil

Kai: Shooting Birds Out Of The Sky has a reputation of delivering high quality noise productions, and on this celebrative compilation he delivers yet another classic piece out of the big hat. When hearing it I was checking the toilet bowl in the corner as I thought an guitarist was stuck in there, and needed some help. Luckily it was yet another trick in the music that made life confusing for a fraction of time. I was hoping for the appearance of a guitar player covered in shit to appear, so I might say that it was a bit disappointing to find out that it was just engine oil.

Johan: (frantic, incomprehensible mumbling from deep within the toilet)

Nmmrem: I always found it hard to write anything sensible from a noise track.

Kai: Good thing is that I can’t write sensible things anyway 🙂

Alex: … sorry, I kind of spaced out and forgot what I was doing and where I was again. This is some pretty quality guitar noise, makes it easy to just lapse into a zone of non-awareness.

Nmmrem: I envy you who manage to zone out while listening a brutal 1 minute track.

43. glasscarpenter – Shadowing

Nmmrem: Modem connection sounds! Why haven’t i heard this before in noise. I like it.

Audiohater: I HATE IT

Alex: Shut up, you!!! I was on dial-up internet up until just last year, it was hellish… this reminds that the nightmare is not far behind me still.

Kai: ah yes, this is refreshing in a way. It reminds me of the early steps in the internet world.the pleasures of still taking ages to download lobit releases. And above all the exciting times when hearing all these mysterious sounds that generate information. Magical things can happen when listening to this track of nostalgia sounds.

44. crying fish fetish – untitled

Alex: I’m really enjoying this track, the artist, the whole package. I feel like it paints a picture in the mind that is inescapable, of dead-black fish eyes staring up at you with tears and how those eyes would have to find their reciprocal in the heart of whosoever could masturbate to that mental image. Also, the music sounds a lot like a fish tank filters percolating hum with reverb.

Nmmrem: Well this is a fetish i haven’t heard about? Getting turned on by crying fish? Enough said, thus the title and thus the sound that reflects that.

Alex: Yeah, I don’t know if this was a pre-existing fetish, but if not… we should make it one?

Kai: Really, you two have never heard of it? I’ve been a frantic member of the crying fish fetish since its early days. It is that my time seems to be not so flexible as it used to be, but going to the local Crying Fish Fetish clubs was surely one of my enjoyable priorities for a large time of my existence. Look it up, get educated about it, perhaps you would enjoy it too. The main highlight is when every participant sits in a circle and passes the fishbowl that starts empty (with the fish inside) and slowly fills itself up with tears (from the fish and the participants).It is not only highly sexual arrousing, but also refreshing for your mind and soul.

Nmmrem: As long as it doesn’t tangle with my reviewing obscure music in a shower fetish!

Nmmrem: Well this really sounds like it could be recorded in Africa, definitely not in the Moon. I don’t believe many African reside there, besides. No astral sounds, tribal chanting.

Kai:I don’t know why but this music track made me think of the quality work of Dishdawash Arnet aka Consistency Nature. This should be considered a compliment as I totally respect and praise his poetic audio works into eternity! To focus on the music, it is indeed a bit of a nice tribal episode of red indian totem pole dancing. Is it alright Johan if you could stand in the middle of the shower and we all dance around you in a spiritual way?

Nmmrem: Definitely reminiscent of Dishdawash Arnet! Can you actually spell it from a memory? I always read it Dishwasher Arnet…

Johan: ….

Alex: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! (I love this!) I feel like this is the most magical thing yet, definitely makes my top 5 so far.

Kai: Alex, are you by any chance the creator of this track?

Alex: No, but I sort of now wish I were!

46. Dawktah – Daytona Blue

Nmmrem: Daytona, doesn’t it hold a nascar race that is from some considered really dull. It goes on and on and just varies a bit every time, but is essentially the same on every repeat. The track does that too..

Alex: Car porn.

Kai: This is Better than Gary Numan his Cars though.. I heard he had some trouble with his brakes… (they were made of glass?)

Alex: The leatherette was warm at least!

Nmmrem: Kai and Alex tripping from my showergel again. Adding some clarity here, this stuff makes for zoning out! While I had trouble zoning out to Shooting Birds Out The Sky with Dawktah I feel its completely possible to lapse out for a minute. There is a good sense of composition based on the repetition, it goes to places adding layers. Took a week to get into my favourites!

Alex: I think it’s music. Yeah… it’s gotta be. I’m really enjoying how subtly distorted it is, with kind of a lofi sound, guitars used effectively, and it’s kinda chill. I’ll have to add this to my list of things on this compilation that I like!

Nmmrem: 00a600 sounds like a Windows error I just had. But I think you are correct, it is more musical than many tracks on this compilation. I reckon some stuff is actually analogically played. 00a600 is a real grower, got even slightly magical after 10 listens and a few weeks!

48. Zreen Toyz – 60 for 600

Nmmrem: I see what you aimed for with that name!

Kai: Oh shit! It seems like our waterproof audio system seems to pick up an frequency of alien language. I’m terrible sorry guys, I can’t seem to get rid of the signal as it feels like the audio device simply got hijacked while attempting to play this track. I will try to hear the music on a less mind boggling date, okay?

Alex: This music reminds me of this CD I picked up years ago close to Halloween, it was a compilation of 99 different sound effects titled something like Sound Effects… From Outer Space! and had a lot of lasers and spaceship blast off noises and strange electronic things.

Kai: ah, so this is actually the music I was hearing? I believe I had that cd too, of course downloaded for free somewhere (as you do), but i can’t seem to recognise the samples or sound effects. I believe it must be recorded from scratch or somewhere with the cooperation of friendly aliens. It sure got me scratching my head when the sounds came out.

49. Sean Derrick Cooper Marquardt – your zoo is a jail

Nmmrem: I have a very hard time understanding Mr. Marquardt’s music, for me he is constantly background music of an modern art installation. Nothing wrong with that, but I just needed something in visual too. Not that I like watching modern art installations more than a few times a year anyway. This one minute piece works a lot better being a refreshing interlude.

Kai: I don’t see this track as an interlude but definitely as a stand alone tune on its own. It feels like a live take, recording some kind of experiment with chains, keys and a trademark guitar. Perhaps the chains and the keys are symbolic elements as a protest against the locked animals in the zoo’s around the world. I agree that this world is a fucked up place, because of this retarded animal group called the humans, who don’t seem to respect any other beast other than themselves. Or well, that isn’t true, they don’t respect them too. But anyway this isn’t a time to speculate perhaps, but just wanted to let the artist know that he got a good point!

Nmmrem: I do agree that the title is clever.

Alex: For me, it kind of felt like something you’d hear in the background maybe during a scene in a film like The Omen or Rosemary’s Baby in which characters were standing around outside talking about how something really fucked up just happened and, “oh, isn’t that odd?” and letting on clues that more fucked up shit might be happening again soon because of this or that. But, I guess in this film it would be more like, “Hey, did you see that monkey that looked suspiciously like your brother at the zoo yesterday? That was kind of strange, huh? And didn’t your brother go missing recently?”

Kai: Alex, I don’t know what to say. But your review sounds like the movie I actually want to see in the cinema. If there are any movie makers out there paying attention, than i recommend to make some notes (some golden opportunities here..) Don’t forget to put Sean Derrick Cooper Marquardt and Alex Spalding in the movie credits somewhere, if you are going to produce this masterpiece for the big screen… Bollywood, give me some wood!

Alex: We need more wood!

50. Hlo & Pollux – Sun Rash

Nmmrem: Very similar to the last track by Sean Derrick Cooper Marquardt is the atmosphere in Hlo & Pollux. Untangible and not really reachable. Its trying to float out of your grab constantly. Pleasant, though.

Alex: Yeah, I can see that… I’m really enjoying what are sounding like warped harmonics in the mix, two instruments detuned against one another below the surface. It’s very ambient, but with a lot of experimental touches in the use of samples… lofi, filtered sounding. Yeah, it’s going on my list!

Kai: You know guys, your description made me think that i’m hearing a completely different track than yours. I double checked if i was still alive, squeezed my cheeks and all that, but I kept hearing it. What you may ask? Well in this track I heard something that sounded like someone hovering a dusty sofa, while some people still sitting on it. They kept on chatting to each other and they were sounding like crazy mexicans on helium while munching crackers. I know it maybe sounds weird because at this moment in time, i’m not sure if this is a description of Nmmrem from another track on this compilation, and neither do i know if it is something from the past or the future… Whatever it is, it must be a great and beautifully made mindfuck for all of us! Hlo & Pollux are like a magical dream team!

51. Cyril M. – Flux contrairesKai:I have to say that there is nothing better than showering and taking the headpiece against my mouth and shooting all the water inside it while pulling weird faces. I don’t know how it looks visually, but sound wise it has lots in common with this contribution of the always satisfying music of Cyril M. I have no idea how he managed to record it, as if he did the same water pressure/mouth manipulations I did, he should have managed to stick a waterproof microphone inside his mouth. Big respect for this great contribution! What is your honorable music knowledge look and feel about this track Nmmrem?

Nmmrem: Noise consisting of a similar a bit transfering sound. I would not download the record with just this sample. My noise should have more, but here it works as you know it won’t drag for a long time.

Kai: I think you should try out the water mouth music thing yourself, it is pretty hard to do with that microphone stuck in the mouth and all the water flushing in..

Alex: Musically, I’m also feeling the water thing a bit, now you mention… but my first definite impression was that of a gust of wind, maybe a hurricane of noise.

52. Der Domestizierte Mensch – Barodscheff

Alex: I think the sound of this is really pretty… noise with almost trance-inducing guitar playing, a nice harmony. More and more I feel that most of the music on this compilation fits so well with the idea of laying in a bed with headphones and insomnia and just feeling the sounds stir you in the bedtime hours. In the shower, not so much… not that I’m not having all kinds of fun here with you two, naked and massaging each other!

Nmmrem: Oh, feels like its been made by some oldtimer after his grandchildren asked him to make one more song for their collection! Reminds me of some real famous experimental musicians. Cannot connect who. I probably won’t even know its name but there is a strong sense of familiarity.

Kai: This is pretty relaxing material, love the combination of dark and light. And by the way really enjoying the shower with you guys, it is an awesome experience!

53. ..quite simply…CUNT – Oooh Siiiirona feat. Lord Forneus

Nmmrem: More stuff seemingly recorded in mono into a boombox thats inside a metal trashcan, this time grindcore. Hellspawn warhammers of the Nordic wind could have done this song, but their riff would’ve been worse. I like what the guitarist is attempting there if the sound just had some balls it could tear stuff to shreds easily.

Kai: Agreed. It feels a bit muffled sound wise, but you can feel the raw energy outburst still coming through this sound barrier.

Alex: My favourite part of this track was the screaming, I felt it was some of the best I’ve yet heard. The closing crash was a nice touch.

Kai: Ah yes, completely forget to mention the epic ending of this tune. Also wanted to give it extra bonus credit to actually make a mention of Sirona in the title and the suggestion that it is equally as satisfying as having an orgasm.

54. Icolmkill – Light Heals

Kai: This track must appeal to all of the reviewers I believe. A moment to stop the stream of water and just stand in the mist to cherish our showering session. Our warm body’s glow up on the music that Icolmkill is supplying here… very beautiful and yet so minimal. May (as it is the 600th release of Sirona) I use this opportunity to inform that the artist name always makes me think of Malcolm In The Middle? Horrible isn’t it? I have been in serious therapy for it, but unfortunately nothing worked out. Loved the music though!

Alex: I had no idea I’d be reminded of Malcolm In The Middle while in the shower today, haha! Yuck, what a bad show! Anyway, I always read the artist name strangely myself. Sometimes I think it is ‘Icon’ and then realize that not only is there an ‘l’ in there, but also the ‘n’ is an ‘m’. Fucks me up every time. But damn, this track is really good. Ambient, textured, bliss. I feel like we’re all glowing right now, or maybe that the shower is glowing, pulsating with warmth and life. Perhaps the cleansing is over?

Nmmrem: Pretty. Definite top 20, probably top 10. Would love to listen this for 5 minutes. Good vibes.

Kai: I’m okay actually.. does anyone mind that i’m using the toilet for a minute?

Nmmrem: No, its fine as it is right on the other side of the shower curtain so we can easily continue the review while you are there!

Kai: Your shower is so convenient, I wouldn’t mind to live here.By the way guys, may I pass a moment to praise the well made artwork of this release? I know I didn’t bring it along in the shower as it would be ruined by the waterflow, but I’m sure you have checked it out before, right?

Alex: Yeah, the artist did a great job of capturing perfectly the way I prefer to listen to music… in a bed with headphones! Oh, and I’m back from the kitchen. It was like I never left!

Nmmrem: I suggest you use zoom function with the bigger version of the cover art; there are some extremely neat details to be found :D! Theres also a spider! Is it the same one that appeared on this review in track 6 (Porion – Un instant d’anéantissement)?

1. The Industrialism – We Born

Nmmrem: Industrialism is known for his field recordings, I personally find him the most interesting field recording artist I have heard. The only album I’ve heard of him “Thunderstorm in Magnetic Tapes” is not just dizzing and droning but has an intense atmosphere and drama curve in it. It left a really big mark on me. His sound is awesome for long entities. This is just a scratch on the surface with no real mark on where the sound comes from and how it relates to the title. So I must label this a disappointment. But hey the possibilities of creating a huge opus with 1 minute field recording are not exactly huge.

Kai: Thanks for the tip, will definitely search for longer material by this artist. This track feels to me like a midnight drive in a remote part of an American city. (do remote parts in American city’s exists?

Kai: Love the lone drone vibe, the sound recordings and the intense emotion that seems to have been captured here. It is like a tiny fragment of a movie with slimey investigators and criminal activity’s.

Alex: Yeah, this droning is very isolationist feeling… like I’m standing half-drunk in front of a refrigerator trying to decide which plastic container full of leftovers I’m going to eat before I pass out, but a lot of it is moldy and gross.

2. Isoleren Lawaai – Sirocco

Nmmrem: Quite awesome darkbeat with a damn fine glitch finish too. I’ve always had a thing for that kind of glitchy sound. Top class. Scirocco is also one marvellous song by Rene Aubry (close to my favourite of his work). Alike wordlengthwise; qualitywise Sirocco by Isoleren Lawaii comes a letter short of Rene Aubry.

Kai: your musical knowledge shows no boundaries, my friend. I have no words for this track so I express my enjoyment by dancing to it. I hope you like it, it is one of my latest inventions: The Cool Fish Dance. It got some gothic elements in it, some wiccan style dancing with my hands raised to the moonlight and of course fish-like body spasms!

Alex: Well, it’s a nice change from masturbating over crying fish! I jest, of course… I loved that crying fish tune. This is very mellow electro/ambient or oldschool intelligent techno to my ears, and I think it’s going on my top track list.

Nmmrem: I hope Kai likes me dancing with him to the classic Fish-Slapping Dance!

3. Animus Invidious – A Parting Gift

Kai: Sweet lord, Oh my goodness and ding doing! What a lovely, sweet and well orchestrated smart little wonder of music we have here? Parting Gift is everything you want to hear on your road to heaven (or hell, considering your life aspirations). Also the perfect music to play at a funeral, the compact length is perfect to wrap up the situation before tears will come out of the emotional vulnerable people, and it is very pretty and classy. What more do you want? and what do you think my critical friends?

Nmmrem: Well this is touching. First thought was that someone broke up with her girlfriend and handed out this song to her at this final meeting. A very sad and beautiful image.

Alex: I thought it was nice, but I’m stoic. Told myself I wasn’t going to cry. Instead, I decided I would take the time to shave.

4. djozr – the earth is hollow and we are living on the inside

Nmmrem: So stars are actually planted on earth’s core and that black stuff in between stars is some ground-like substance? Earth would be a lot bigger than what we are thought; as most people have been on 10 km height on a commercial flight. We’ve been taught wrong; I wonder how this Earths mass effects the orbit around sun & the such? 1 minute thinking pause is what djozr provides well. In fact I needed to spin this a few more times than just once to get my thoughts straight. And it was damn worth it. This is some cosmosy ambient tune..

Alex: You see, I was taught that the Earth was flat and that the sky was a government conspiracy, so I just had my whole worldview blown apart. Would have to investigate this sometime, if planes weren’t a lie fabricated by the Illuminati.

Kai: As usual I didn’t think at all while hearing this track, it made me simple, relaxed and absent minded instead. It is a nice escape into a calm ambient orientated world. This reminds me that I forgot to bring my massage oil at the shower back home.. A pretty nice point of interest in this gigantic compilation.

Alex: I think Audiohater brought some massage oil. Even though he hates audio, he seems to really love massages! This music reminded me of that free ROM game Yume Nikki. It’s like… hikikomori dreamworld ambient soundtrack.

Audio Hater: *puts massage oil in both ears*

5. TeeJot – Mini-Pop (Micro-Edit)

Nmmrem: It could have just been Micro-pop! Mm, micro pop is tasty. Groovy; I feel it is asking to be a longer track. The idea is solid enough to get more repetition. Good background music material for a demo or animation.

Kai: Is it okay to use your toilet again? I feel like making a mini poop!*kai uses the toilet and ignores handsigns of showering participants and create a micro poop, wash hands in the toilet bowl and returns to shower*Johan Nederpel: (frustrated inaudible dialogue)

Kai: Sorry about that, sometimes you gotta just follow your heart, and listen to your asshole.

Alex: Oh, there’s Johan! He was in the toilet! It’s a good thing that was just a micro-poop, otherwise he might have gotten covered. By the way, this track is so good! Very dancy, electropopish. Going on my list!

Audiohater: I hated it. I don’t like dancing music, it makes me angry.Dick Assholson: Yeah, this music is a load of shit!Audiohater: … ❤Dick Assholson: 😉Audiohater: I… don’t know what is this feeling…Dick Assholson: Two assholes meeting in a steamy shower like this… what are the chances…Audiohater: I have only known hate, but today… I feel love.Dick Assholson: Let’s go find a place to put some clothes on and talk about how much we hate music.Audiohater: Yeah… that sounds… awesome… we’ll be back in a bit. Don’t wait up.Alex: ???

Kai: What the hell just happened? I’m totally flabbergasted! the 8th world wonder just came to life in front of our very own eyes and ears? Who would have thought this would be happening? I need to take a millisecond off to digest and process this. Siro600 must be spotting some magical love powers, getting the most hateful reviewers to fall in love like that? uh..Alex did you say Johan is in the toilet?

Alex: Um… yes, I think he was… but where is he now?

6. Kai Nobuko – Elephants like to drink coconut milk

Kai: I have a feeling Nmmrem is going to trash this track so badly. If not, I will promise you to eat that large sponge in the corner.

Nmmrem: Haha, it does indeed sound like elephant honking in the background. I see what you did there again. But do they like coconut milk? Really? If you are into positive vibe nintendo music you might have as much fun with this track as the elephants appear to have here.

Kai: Ah thank god i’m not munching a sponge at the moment.. But Yes, surprisingly some elephant in Thailand appears to enjoy drinking milk from coconuts! trust me I was surprised like you, and decided to share this knowledge in this track about it. Not that it is very useful to know, but still this kind of knowledge sits well at conversations.

Alex: Finally, I have something to talk about at parties! Not… the, ah, elephants loving coconut milk, though I will probably find a way to use that in some context publicly, but I am talking about the track! Actually, I guess it would be better to just play it for people. Lobit chip sounds that make me feel like spinning around and around in a circle while wearing a safari outfit.

7. Subterrestrial – I Came From the Past to Save the Future

Nmmrem: Mm, absurdisms. I like absurd titles. Has that back to the future and an oldschool gadget vibe. Is it Kitt driving down the motorway with his lights flashing? Track from the past made in the future of that past.

Alex: Yeah! This has a great groove, makes a nice followup from the last track! There is nothing absurd about time travel, friend… it’s horrifying in practice, always results in obscene amounts of stomach gas for some reason. I’m imagining myself as a 3D Worldrunner. Running. Running the world… with my feet.

Kai: I love this whole retro feel of this track, a perfect example of dance music that is funny, cool and also just very entertaining. Pure perfection!

8. NVR-NDR – Never Ender (Mitässault remix)

Nmmrem: Sounds like RedSK!

Johan: (Incomprehensible dialogue coming from the toilet)

Nmmrem: What i believe Johan was conveying is that NVR-NDR is an artist from Los Angeles I believe they have a huge potential. Their sort of “the” track Never Ender is getting remixed for the collection by Mitä? Original track is also appearing in Siro 500 What’s this TV Channel. The remix is some sort of confusion of glitch, noise and breaks.

Alex: I am enjoying this, with it’s acoustic guitar intro that goes straight into some chaosnoise, very glitchish.

Kai: It sounds like chopped up psycho material. It made me think of this gig by Toecutter who was referred as ‘the genius’. Perhaps because he was wearing thick glasses, or perhaps it is because he seems to be some kind of legend in this glitch step breakcore art mayhem kind of genre. The performance was pretty fun too watch as he played like 20 seconds to the point hardcore before going back to mashed up sample fuckery again and then again 20 seconds of hardcore beats. There was this drunk, fucked out of his head guy who every time he heard the hardcore beats assault he could dance too, stood up and got ready to dance and by the time he was all set up another collage of undanceable mashups passed by through the speakers. He sat down, jumped up, sat down jumped up and sat down. This continued for a while, i guess..

Nmmrem: I sent a telepathic message to Mitä? about the track and got informed that it has some planned dynamics in the end. Pre-chaos at 0.30-0.39, followed by a bit more balanced part – pause – then mayhem breaks loose with volume level going up slightly, adding a bit of a climax before it calms down and all the sudden ends. Also apparently the title is a small homage to a Kiuas track Kiuassault.

9. (o)thers – House At Cromwell StreetKai: Seeing (o)thers here on this compilation is such a joy. It is just asking for some wild ride in a fancy ghost house!

Nmmrem: Oooh, a spooky house it is too! I would not want to go in it. 80s horror movie atmosphere here. I can imagine the plot (me acting as a narrator). Some 17 year old spotty teen sees an axe wielding murderer in this Cromwell street old, scary wooden mansion. He goes in asking his girlfriend to wait for him on the street in front of the house. “Don’t worry ill be ok”.

Well you just died. Faggot.

Kai: I’m very alive still, and glad to be as this music adventure excites me. It is of course way too short to write a complete thriller about it, but those are the rules.(o)thers is one of these producers who can make your head trip to the darkest corners of your insanest fantasy, and even in this short length we could definitely get a taste of that.

Alex: I love how scrambled the noises are within this ghoulish manor! I feel like a ghost buster, crossing streams…*Alex starts pissing in the shower while moaning*

10. Ichtyor Tides – Mural Putrescens

Nmmrem: Unreachable title for unreachable noises. Some .

Kai: Ah yes, I understand what you are saying here Nmmrem.. It feels like a mixture of pong, real life table tennis, an arcade machine with glitches and a glitch bitch pronouncing her presence. Subtile work, but pretty good.

Alex: This is another track that I really love on here… there’s a sort of ambient vibe with whispers underneath the abstract rhythmic sound textures, and I definitely agree with the table tennis statement. Kind of makes me wish I could play some ping pong, any way we could get a table into the shower?

Kai: If you are ever in the tourist zone in thailand, be aware that when the dodgy people on the street invite you to come and see a ping pong show, it isn’t exactly an invitation for a game of traditional ping pong. I know it is perhaps not the right timing to tell you, but for what i’ve heard, some girls shoot ping pong balls out of their vagina’s…

11 Re: Gainer – The Same Old Shit (Alpha recording)

Nmmrem: Concerning the same old shit yeah; this is pretty basic rock. But in this collection everything but the same old same old and thats a fine flavour. The riff isn’t bad but a bit unoriginal. Still nice to have some stuff that is not beeping and odd noises. Accepted.

Alex: Oh… this is some really lofi rock stuff, from out of nowhere! I kinda like it, I think mostly the lyrical portion. 😀

Kai: Wow this came unexpected to me. Great stuff, nice and energetic and pretty in lo-fi. It makes me want to go to the motherfucking yard naked and scream Oye Oye Oye!Show my butt to the neighbours and urinate in their mailbox!

Alex: If we have any extra time after leaving Nmmrem’s place, I think we should take a few minutes to do that.

Kai: Oye Oye Oye!

12. Krzysztof Młyńczak – The Hidden Path (Siro600 mix)

Nmmrem: His post rock EP Something in Between (release on Sirona January 2013) is most recommended by me. Top class. This too. I haven’t even heard it when I’m writing these words cause it must be. I have a lot of hope for Krszyssztof (which is probably my favourite Polish name cause its hilariously hard to spell (also the Polish hammer!)). Now as I am listening the track I was obviously correct. Building a solid atmosphere like The hidden path THIS quickly is a good chore. The end could have been better though. But hell is this still fine work.

Kai: I’m hearing it too now, it is pretty exciting material if you are into this kind of music. The amazing fact is that it feels like a complete song that is long and dramatic, even though it just goes by in a fraction of time. Well done!

Alex: For being a rock track, this is pretty good. It has this really “epic” vibe… I feel like swinging a claymore on a mountaintop like Conan or The Highlander.*

Nmmrem: Very simple flowery sound. Consisting of one tricky melody. Has a classical music touch the way it flows and varies. I’m sure this appeals some and you cannot deny the quality melody. It just does not appeal myself; im picky when it come to classical melodies. Marraskesi reviews: “Bambi is running on the spring ice; then it drowns.”

Kai: I completely agree with your girlfriend. Where is she? Is she the one sitting outside in front of the bathroom door?

Alex: I think she’s on the other side of the shower wall, speaking to Nmmrem from a crack in the linoleum.

14. Lunatic Finnshits – Psychedelicious

Nmmrem: I always imagined these guys would be more the drunken-random-noise-recording-sort but this is groovy and steady. Not so lunatic as it promises. Its not a bad thing. I like them a lot more than I thought I would. Good *Audio Hater and Dick Assholson return from someplace*

Audio Hater: Lunatic Dippshits.

Dick Assholson: Stupidic Shitshits.

Alex: Damn, your puns are terrible guys!!!

Kai: This is.. uh what can I say? A bit of a boombastic kind of track. The beginning is a calm rhythm and then suddenly uptight mayhem kicks in to trouble the ears. Of Course it is done rhythmically, but It requires special bathing shoe’s to dance to this kind of music I’m afraid.This could be something for noise lovers who want to have something more dancey material to do their exercises on, or other energetic activities.

Alex: Yeah… clipped rhythms at first and then just a totally robofunky electro sound followed shortly by some noise! I liked it.

15. Ninja16 – A little mystery

Kai: So cool to see Ninja16 here, I believe i have heard some music of this karatekid before and this seems to me pretty old school.

Audio Hater: I HATE IT

Alex: Damnit Audio Hater, you’re fired from this review!

Kai: No, please let’s be kind and gentle here, after all we are in the shower together and we should be polite and festive. I think to make a dance track in such a limited time source is a bit of a challenge, which this Ninja kicked fiercely. What do you think?

Nmmrem: A fine arrangement. The track sounds like its been composed to be a one minute track. Straight from the beginning you get a sense of click. This is indeed a one minute mystery. Everything clicks in place and it mystery just reveals itself enough to be exactly where it is supposed to be. A solid accomplishment. Oldschool sounds!

Kai: Old school! That is the keyword in this track.. It remind me of this guy i used to go to school with. He always had floppy disks with his newest techno creations. It was pretty stuff. Could behind this masked Ninja be this old school friend all fully grown up? It will always be a complete mystery! (i hope his pimples disappeared though!)

Alex: There is definitely a sense of the mysterious here… it’s very oldschool, gotta agree with you both! Oldschool tech-inflected trance music type stuff.

16. Symplocarpush – Tangerine Jam

Alex: Some downbeat trance breaks here? Kinda nice!

Nmmrem: Based on a simple rhythm and melody. When the last track sounded like it is perfect in its 1 minute length, Symplocarpush (fuck thats hard to spell) sounds like it could really develop further if it was a longer song. The track actually works better when repeated! A very good flow when repeated. Its like it was supposed to be played 2 times every time. I’ve topped 10 listens and It’s beginning to get higher and higher on my books. Lasts listening damn well.

Kai: A very good flow when repeated.

17. Sven Meyer – A fast high and low

Nmmrem: Tapping random sounds on your 386 PC eh? Heh, as idiotic as it sounds I’m fond of the sound.

Alex: YEAH! Chipsounds are swirling down the drain, this is some amazing sound!

Kai: I’m highly biased in the case of Sven Meyer. I simply love every sound he puts out. Even if he would record a fart, the sound of spitting on the floor i’m 1000% percent sure it satisfies in the trend of experimentalism, fun and a source of inspiration. Also he is one of these artist who can trigger parts of the imagination that reminds me of wonderland.

Kai: Yes, that’s exactly it! But what bothers me, is that i can see a cockroach doing his tiny dance on your toilet seat! It is an awesome dance! A perfect complement of the terrific chiptune happiness, but still it is a cockroach! Lucky the music isn’t that long because before we know it the whole shower will be full of them..

Nmmrem: Who dares to summon the final boss: a dancing cockroach!

Alex: Does Johan know about this? Last I checked he was still in that toilet. :S

Kai: Is Johan in the toilet?

19. Toxic Chicken – One Minute Man

Alex: OH! Kai, this is great! Another of my faves on this compilation, with it’s cheeriness and timeless electronic microsound melodies and skittery drums.

Nmmrem: Very bright piece, uplifting melodies and hell of a lot in one minute; it all still makes sense. Spring music. So Kai what is this about? Is it about a man who cannot “plow” for more than one minute without planting the seed? He sounds to be extremely happy because the women will just have to accept him being like that. The track concludes itself awesomely when this guy comes in and just plain tells us “One Minute Man”. How is it so entertaining, it is inexplanable.

Kai: Good question my friend, I learned at school never to answer at questions and let other people interpret the things for themselves. Hear what you want to hear basically. But i made it with the concept to make a track exclusive for this compilation, so a track around one minute with basically everything i had to say at that moment. One minute man might be well considered myself as a chicken, attempting to make a one minute track and failing! as it is a bit longer than that! But planting the seed to quickly isn’t really subscribed to my character haha..

Alex: I disagree, on the answering of questions, but I will hold my tongue on this matter so that I don’t end up posting a giant rant… I feel like this is a really fun and wonderful piece of music, though!

20. Igor Amokian – Guttertrunker

Nmmrem: This is more of my style. Dark obscure beats. The sense of rhythm and melody are not always sensible; I cannot say if thats a bad thing! I thought the title was fitting until I checked urban dictionary. Roughly interpreted “a person with a disproportionately huge ass in a ditch”? Why cannot he drop his ass to the ditch in rhythm Alex?

Alex: On these matters, I cannot provide much clarity… except to say that dropping one’s huge ass in a ditch is a very difficult task, requiring much concentration. They should have used a crane. These beats sound chunky and clunky, but I’m enjoying the rhythm of it as it goes, like distorted electronoise.

21. roMeow – Weed on Couch (32kbps EDIT)

Nmmrem: Just imagine someone not noticing with a hoover on hand…

Kai: Uh?

Johan: ….

Kai: I think this is a pretty masterful piece of dramatic music, that combines electric piano with modern synthetic synth sounds to create a excellent composition of emotional darkness.Pretty solid!

Nmmrem: Dramatic indeed. Hoover (synonym for vacuum cleaner) creeps closer while people are having a good time on the couch. How it ends, I will not spoil you.

Alex: I already feel spoiled by the conveniences of your shower, Nmmrem, but this track is kind of awesome! I didn’t hear much hoover of any kind, just some dramatic tunes that seem an odd juxtaposition with the imagery of sitting on a couch high.

Nmmrem: It is a metaphorical vacuum cleaner!

22. Francesco Lenzi – guitar impromptu

Kai: I’m listening to this and enjoying it, it feels like a fun moment of Francesco Lenzi going mental on his guitar. But as I’m not a professional in this field or genre, I leave this space for the best appropriate and well respected reviewer, who happens to have the most awesome shower I have ever showered in… So what is this we are hearing?

Nmmrem: Yeah it is a guitar improvisation solo. The beginning is promising as there is a strong melody amidst some wicked fast fingerwork for a while lot of 5 seconds (reminds me of some Jeff Loomis song a bit). Unfortunately the improvisation overrides the melody. But hell, as a one minute interlude it works.

Alex: This sounds like somebody shredding in a music store! Actually, for the poor musician, this might not be a bad idea… get a field recording tape machine device or something and just go to the music shop and get recordings of yourself playing whatever is in the store on your choice of amplifier. Then just leave without buying anything. Tricks of the trade!

23. Razxca – 26 Fev

Nmmrem: Razxca has surprisingly lot of common with Mr. Lenzi. 26 Fev sounds nothing like the track before, but really Razxca could have recorded this song by pulling off a low-bitrate lo-fi broken pump organ improvisation solo!

Alex: Wow, I love this! This is like… pure frequency fetishism.

Kai: This is the music that I would like to hear when i’m spaced out, trashed sitting on a corner of a place and the whole floor and the walls have become alive and are moving in fantastic shapes and forms. Time to download this track on my walkman, in case some situation like this will happen in the near future..

24. Avs_Silvester – ChokolatlKai:Hard To describe this track, can someone professional please help me out here?

Nmmrem: Whistling and stuff.

Kai: AH yes, that was the description i was searching for.

Alex: Yes, that pretty much nails it!

Kai: It also features i believe a mouthharp. And basically everything together creates some kind of track you would imagine forest people (like gnomes and such) would play to gather your attention.

Nmmrem: If I heard forest gnomes playing a track like this i’d probably be most interested on what berries they’ve eaten to produce a freaked off piece like this. Marraskesi noted from the living room: “is there some elementary school student practicing fipple flute?”. I reckon Avs_silvester is not an elementary school student and for sure this sounds a lot more pleasing than what I sounded as an 8 year old when practicing flute.

Alex: … fipple flute???

Kai: perhaps the forest gnomes are equally skilled as a human 8 y.o. elementary school students? Don’t underestimate the power of fipple flutes and the magical marshmallows you need to eat to properly play them! Adults, junkies and responsible whistling adults only!

Alex: This track is so magical… one minute (and five seconds…) of berries and marshmallows and gnomes.

25. Spacings – I Joined A Cult

Alex: There’s a lot of banging stuff and harmonica, plus acoustic guitar… I feel like I’m in the cabin of some fishing vessel, rocked by sea and a stomachful of beer.

Nmmrem: Hell if this isn’t a drunken recording! Man i’ve been there too desperately trying to hit the acoustic guitar from sensible places. You can even hear the bottles clinging on the background. How’d he figure out to have them there, I bet they are edited in afterwards to get more drunken feel to it! Though at this point they ought to be empty. He plays harmonica pretty well when smashed. I could not even if i was sober. On the other hand if I could, that’d be the only instrument I can play well.

Kai: I have to admit here that the hearing equipment of Nmmrem is highly professional. I couldn’t get all this intensive details from this track myself, but did smell indeed some alcohol coming from the file. Do I smell cigarettes too? Or is it Alex who is smoking while showering again?

Alex:*puff puff* Oh, no, it is not me…

Kai: Ah but yes indeed I identify the beer bottles now too. They are actually pretty useful rhythmic toys when the world is not completely spinning around. Joining a cult seems the same as getting smashed on drugs and alcohol, makes it more understandable why people join cults in the first place..

26. Joel nobody – Behind The Wheel

Alex: Noise!!! Actually, really good noise for the most part, lots of wild and crazy sounds happening. The beeps that creep in on occasion freak me out… even though I am really in the shower of Nmmrem, I continually keep checking the upper left corner of the computer monitor of my imagination to see if I got a notification on facebook. This track is reminding me, too… if all three of us are in the shower, who’s driving?

Nmmrem: You scared me, time to go to sleep. Horrorsounds and a lot of streetrage from behind the wheel. Someone shelve his licence.

Kai: I think this track is great, It is very intensive and full on and indeed perhaps very in your face. But I believe that is because of the short length of the track and the artist has so much more to say than actually can be fitted in this time. So everything is being hurried up which may come across as out of the blue someone is putting a tongue in your face. I don’t want to go to much into detail about what we actually hear in this track, but I perceived it as an eye opener. A block of ice in my neck and a horrific shocking bloody picture waving in front of my eyes. Love it when music can give me a rush!

27. Obsessed Flesheater – Pieces of Memory

Kai: This I have no choice to give it a great applause and praises. The sounds i’m hearing are so well shaped that it cuts into my ears like the sharpest knife in the universe. And this may seem to be painful, but in reality it sounds actually like a enjoyable pretty experience. (I’m scared as hell, that someone is going to chop us up)

Alex: Yeah, there’s a lot of delicious noise here as well, but very sharp! This would not be the time to pluck nose hairs because your hand could easily slip.

Nmmrem: I reckon I am obsessed as well as I for sure am not giving up on eating meat. Never. That’d be ridicilous I eat too little anyway. I’m with you buddy.

Joel Nobody scared me last night, Obsessed Flesheater scared me now. I like how the title reflects to the song it sounds like metal pieces are all over. Possibly someone trying to desperately pick them up to his lap but as he gets some up, others fall away clinking all over.

28. Lezet – Claptrap 11

Nmmrem: Improvisational piano piece. As stated before, rather not liking improvisational music, as one minute track it works well. Just thank god all of these improvisational songs aren’t placed after each other.

Kai: It would make a fun looking little train, if it would. Choo Choo!But seriously, This is why we are such a great team as I actually like listening to improvisational attempts to music. And this work by Lezet is by far amounts not an attempt to music, but a source of music in its rawest form. You can just imagine the fingers of the pianist living a life of its own, sliding and playing the keys of the piano like it is his best friend and partner. Play some more Lezet, I’m all ears for this!

Alex: As far as improvisational music goes, I’m kind of in between. It can be great and also terrible, depending on so many factors. Love free jazz and I love improvisation within the context of a structured track… oh, but this track is really nice. I like how it moves, devolves for a moment into what sound like the shadows or trails of chords played, before getting back to the piano. A top track, here!

29. The Implicit Order – Voices Of Capitani

Nmmrem: This capitani is one weird fellow. What kind of thing could make a sound like this. Where is this Capitani from? Is it some 12 mouthed half-starfish half-man half-octopig from the bottom of the humongous fruitcake dessert; enlarged by Doctor Krabola in his Telekinetic Testlaboratorium?

Kai: I think the voices of this singing captain is doing a duet with that noise that comes up from our toilet…

Johan Nederpel: (untranslatable noises)

Kai: I like these voices and the singing, it seems to me that this tune is very original. Which is a good thing, isn’t it?

Alex: It’s like a deep blue choir. Sirens attempt to sway our little showership into the whirling oceanic abyss and I feel like screaming, “Cover your ears! Cover your ears!” except that please do not, there is no apparent danger yet and this is a really nice track… one of my absolute favourites so far from the compilation, for sounding almost literally like something I’d expect to hear in an old Greek mythology film from the 1960s, like Jason And The Argonauts. But do not worry, I also brought my trident spear in case we need to slay any sea serpents on the way down to the ocean floor.

30. J. Notch – Spain

Kai: It seems that there are plenty of talented music composers here in the Sirona Records family crew. This track features one of them playing a composition on a piano. It feels a bit like Satie, who has a brain malfunctioning, or had an encounter with breakcore and applied it to classical interpretations. Nice.

Nmmrem: A composition, not an improvisation. Nice! Unless Notch is a superclassy improvisator.

Kai: I heard a rumour that Notch is an Elvis Impersonator when not working on music.

Alex: … oh, Elvis. That makes sense… I thought you said Elvish for a second, haha! Only on x-mas, then he works on music the rest of the year.

Nmmrem: Yeah, Elvis Daerius Macer was one of the most famous imperators of ~330 AD.

Alex: The piano kind of has a quality to it that reminds me of tavern honky tonk. I’m not getting Spain as clearly, but it’s not a bad piece of music.

Nmmrem: Some allright melody-work there. And making it even more memorable it seems to have only a bit different starting melody than “Tenhi” track “Saapuminen” (one of my all-time favourite bands). Just compare! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ro81yaJzRCE . Quite funny isn’t it.

31. 3music – Dead Sola

Nmmrem: Sola is a gorge or a pass in Finnish but i reckon that’s probably not what the title is supposed to mean. Still you can hear the wind blowing through the gorge. But the main dish is very mystical; quoting Lunatic Finnshits (on track 14) Psychedelicious! Couldn’t have described it better myself!

Alex: It could be a dead gorge, I think? I’m enjoying the deep drum sounds, as well as the touches of strange noises flowing through the mix. It makes me want to crawl into your air ducts and disappear, if that’s possible. I remember Kai was on the ceiling several hundred tracks ago.

Marraskesi: Dog-sized rats fight in the alleyways. Chinese cranes rust in the shipyard.

Kai: Nice work and absolutely shagadelic! A tiny little story that entertains until the very end.

32. Junkielover – Alone

Kai: You know I have this thing for Junkies. I seem to attract them and be attracted to them. Especially the teethless ones seems to arouse me. Nah jokes of course, but still the hollywood version of a junkie is always more interesting than the boring FBI agent in search for its puzzle piece, and probably a lot cleaner in real life too.

Nmmrem: It seems you and him have a lot in common! This Junkielover seesm to be humming away.

Kai: Anyway before I start to jibble and dazzle about one of these little obsessions, I better talk something about the music. Well it isn’t exactly humming to me, as that makes me think of a sexual pleasure device for the lady’s the humming bird. (a luxury vibrator, if I had my information right) But perhaps Junkielover is indeed humming away, who knows for sure?It feels like this track is even shorter than short, but they say time goes by quick when having fun.. Is the track fun? It didn’t make me laugh, or cracked me up like a crackpot but still enjoyed it though.

Alex: It’s not a very funny track, but I laughed at your description! To me, it was minimal dark ambient… just wind blowing, which is kind of cold while standing here naked and wet. I’m hoping there’s a warmer track up next!

33. Dark Matter – live in progress

Kai: This is a pretty mesmerizing tune, it made me check the water boiler a few times as I was shivering from a cold flow in the music. This is something I would play in the background if I was a mad insane psychopath, cooking up a fresh brain in a frying pan.

Nmmrem: Further proving that Sirona is for everyone. We don’t judge if you are a family man or a homicidal maniac with a taste for fresh brain. Theres music to be found for all types. I have to say this mad insane psychopath would have a good taste in noise as this is a whole lot more interesting than most of noise stuff. Theres drama, danger and motion. Starting as a distant guitar sound and sharp metallic tinging, to spine-shivering ambience and fading out through some guitar.

Alex: Those loud dings seemed like they were put in to check you back into reality while lost daydreaming amid the reverberating guitar and wind sounds.

34. Blissful Echidna – Schizophrenia of Cockatoo

Alex: I feel like I’m listening to a Satanic black mass orgy and they’re sacrificing a bird!

Nmmrem: Haha a truly handicapped bird-sound that is. Theres some otherworldy charm in it. A improvised sounding quite bad guitar riff and this deranged bird. In total they make for an experience unlike anything else and totally worth it.

Kai: It is Because you are worth it. I encounter this music more as an outcry for help. Someone is in need for assistance! Can someone call an ambulance? Someone in this guitar-esque work is calling out for help! What can we do? I believe by the time that we are hearing this, someone else would probably heard the outcry and safed / helped the person from its misery, don’t you think?

Alex: I love this track a lot… it’s like very old experimental music, something I imagine Anton LaVey would have appreciated.

35. Bedawang – Anoris Mmm

Nmmrem: So if this Bedawang HADN’T be this DAMN LOUD I might not be annoyed when I’m reviewing it. Exactly the kind of noise I don’t listen for more than one minute and fully contrasting the interesting noise of Dark Matter. There are so many artists who are satisfied to this sound, a deep bass rumble and a song full of it. I mean, as a one minute track it works but when it lasts more, count me out; it is for someone else.

Kai: first i thought that our speaker water proof sound system was broken, but as the strange crackles were just related to the length of the track it was not uneasy to spot that it was the music of Bedawang trying to trick us. Or perhaps he didn’t try to deceive or play games, but actually found a realistic way of reproducing the sound of snow that crackles continuously under the feet. But then recorded very closely with a special microphone near the feet and played continuously, to get rid of the whole concept of footprints in the snow. If you think about it, than this track is for sure one of the more technical masterpieces on this compilation.

Nmmrem: Kai, I adore your ability to make every aspect a masterpiece! I cannot stop hearing the snow-crackling now :D.

Alex: For me, it was like a constricted flow of data/information, or maybe the snow on a tv set with the volume turned all the way up.

36. lame o. nil – untitled

Kai: It feels like a fieldrecording of snoring metal heads, knives and insects inside a strange audio jungle. I understand why the track has no name, as it would be to hard to describe the actual content of this piece of audio. I feel like i’m a G.I.Joe thrown into the deep without any explanation.

Nmmrem: I can’t hear shit as my sound is on such a low volume (as the next track is again on a high volume). Maybe lame is just supposed to be a lame inbetweener. A distant rumbling noise from somewhere!

Kai: There are large pieces of soap bubbles hanging out of your ears, my friend… Perhaps you could check it out. Is Lame not an mp3 encoder? Amazing how the evolution is going on! Programs, robots and software sending in tracks to Sirona Records automatically, this will make the absent creative title for this track something to forgive.

Alex: By the way, when not reviewing tracks I’ve been building a secret underground laboratory beneath Nmmrem’s shower. There are robots down there finishing it up, that’s what all this noise is.

Nmmrem: I can even hear the water flowing through the floor to the laboratory. I thought it was the shower or the track.

Kai: Robots finishing up? what do they do? Squirt oil?

Alex: Yeah… it’s going to be a mess down there.

37. d0x10 – steam daze

Nmmrem: I’ve been scared, entertained and mesmerized by one d0x10 track before, it wasn’t beat-oriented. This is a lot less mesmerizing and not much scary but even better. Such a cunning breakbeat with a peculiar melody. I really need to check more of d0x10. Completely steam dazed in the shower!

Alex: YEAH! Slamming noise grooves, no flow, just breaking it all down for our amusement. Loving it.

Kai: To me this episode of d0x10, sounds like he is cleaning the house and invented a machine to put out the household trash. The machine sounds well oiled and in a perfect shape as it throws, shakes, pulverizes, shred all the lose audio leftovers that had been lying around on the floor. Cuttup, swinged about, squeezed, destroyed and everything gets pushed in a compact size so the garbage can has more space to fill up. The great thing of this invention is that it not only makes life for d0x10 more easy, it also produces awesome music when its cleaning. This my lady’s, woman, cats, dogs, transsexuals, men, boys, girls and other friendly friends is the sound of a genius at work.

Alex: … oh no, I think my robots are malfunctioning, they seem to have torn a giant hole into your septic system… at least we know where Johan’s been hiding out now.

Johan: Thank you for saving me, I thought I’d never find a way out of the poop!

Alex: Sorry, no time to talk… we’re going to have to patch this hole up before Nmmrem figures out what happened…

38. Total E.T. – Slow Short Acid

Nmmrem: Field recording, is he browsing through his notes while recording, sounds a bit like construction work too. Whats up with these tiles and plaster about?

Kai: I’m not in the shower no more but i’m with my thoughts sitting next to a pond somewhere in thailand. It is very hot and my feet are reunited with the paws of my dog. Together we are a delicious meal for the large group of mosquito’s that swarm around us. You may think that this got nothing to do with the music of Total E.T. , but let me tell you that this is the perfect soundtrack for this location. Hot, sweaty, slightly feverish even and being munched on by bloodsuckers with wings. The location of the pond and the mess that surrounds it , tons of loose rocks, garbage bags, sand, and large pieces of wood and metal can be somehow traced back in the producer’s Slow Short Acid track.

In a way the music itself seems nothing to do with acid, but the fact that i’m suddenly sitting here and not standing in the shower tells me otherwise.

Alex: Haha, I was just going to say something about how this track has nothing to do with acid. Maybe our minds have melted into each other!

Kai: Oh wait, the track is finished and I’m back in my own skull again. The water from the shower feels like a refreshing beverage. Is it okay to drink the water from it? I don’t want to sound rude, but if the chemicals and taste of the water taste like what I’m used to taste out of the normal tap, then expect me puking all over the place.. Ah, you know what? I don’t take the risk and just continue drinking that liquid soap hair conditioning product from that fancy test flacon…

Alex: Damn, you’ve gone through almost the whole bottle! I should have brought more, I think Nmmrem is going to need another lather session soon.

Nmmrem: Right, whenever there are some explosions, evil noises and a general ominous atmosphere Kai teleports in the middle of the nature. Truly a person who should have lived during the industrial revolution, working in a huge factory with miniscule machinery on the floor. People trying to avoid stepping on them and breaking them!

Alex: To my ears, this was like a bunch of sounds detuned so low that they sound warped, wobbly, like the string of a guitar that’s been tuned so low that it’s sliding all over the frets… only with other sounds.

Nmmrem: No Alex, that guitar thing sounds too hard for anyone to pull of, the sound must have been made with the microscopic machinery in a huge factory.

39. mhz_ – untitled

Kai: When listening to this track i feel like I’m listening to a live feed of a strange town, or a little pitoresk village. Perhaps flashbacks from other times in its history. Not that it has a large historic background hidden in this sound, it sounds more like a little village that no one really cared about, a place not bothered to be occupied in war times.. A peaceful place with a church and a field, a graveyard and a couple of trusted inhabitants. Mhz_ surely triggered my interest in packing my backpack and hitting the road to find this place.

Nmmrem: Actually for me it sounds sounds like there are bombers circling all over this pitoresk village in WWII time. Spiralling all over ready to drop the bombs and bomb the place shitless. Whether they do it or not, it is for the listener to interpret! I have a full contrasting opinion compared to you as for me this is a war hymn!

Kai: haha, in that case, I will leave my bags unpacked. But actually it should be a relief for the people in that village.. I mean, some action and adventure will shake up the place. (and bombs will get rid of it).

Alex: I heard nothing of the sort… to me, it was like someone hooked an Ouija board up to an old shortwave radio somehow and were summoning me back from the dead! I was thinking I’d have to disappear for a minute to let them know I’m just in the shower, but then I’d miss the next track. So I will stay.

40. Hectic Head – Dreams Of You

Alex: What a nice story! Dreamy and surreal, works well with the ambient hum and crickets. Another one of my favourites.

Kai: hectic Head’s poetical storytelling side really flourish here. I love his voice in combination with the speeding up and slowing down of the droney sounds.. Got me pulling my ears a bit!

Nmmrem: If i understood correctly it is a story of a nightmare. Well spoken material with an interesting storyline, sort of like short story/poem joined with quiet drone-ambient. If you are non-Australian it may be hard to get a grip of the story. I thought I had it but completely cannot get grip of the last sentence. What does he say there Alex? Kai? I want to know how it ends!

Alex: It ends with me flushing a bar of soap quietly down the toilet so Johan can clean himself off down there. I kind of feel for him, all alone in that turd chamber.

Nmmrem: I would have never guessed that, it helps a lot to have a bit of teamwork in the reviews. But hey… I don’t have brown soap. For Johan I hope it was your soap and not…

41. Toth Kina Hegyfalu – Mary

Kai: You know (it sucks) that I simply love every single second of this track by Toth Kina Hegyfalu. It is like what Japanese underground performance cinema does to my eyes, but then with audio. Probably even creating an even more intensive experience as the visuals of strange small dark rooms, black cats, huge nails and wooden walls are projected straight into my visual departments of the brain. And in the middle of all this scenery, there is Mary sitting in a comfortable wobling chair! Absolutely love this track!

Nmmrem: Very strange visuals and an odd woman wobbling, probably not all too unhappy though. Toth Kina Hygyfalu has created a piece that somehow manages to mix up harsh noise with kindergarden.

42. deafness – Mirage

Alex: I saw myself as a mirage in a desert, in twilight, air buzzing overhead with the remnants of jet engines. I have to give this track credit for instantly achieving this in my mind and not losing it at any point in it’s duration.

Kai: one of these amazing experimental music makers that could make my ears beg for more and more. Deafness got some pretty works out and about & all of them are pretty mind stimulating things. This track is definitely not the work of an imposter as it got yet again the personal smell of this mysterious character drained in its core. The track is too short to WoW me away, but it simply directs me to listen to deafness as soon as I find another hole in space and time. I’m not talking about ass again, but it could be!

Alex: Sorry to say, my eyes have so far gotten used to the sight of ass while being in this shower. 😛

Kai: Music wise this track feels like an orchestra of bees that fly by slowly while producing a sad production of music. Almost like they are producing this music because one of their flying buzzing friends died, sad but with great dignity and respect.

Alex: Yeah! It really did paint a picture for me in my head, and it was very unexpected.

43. jjoth – East Cost of Inamar

Alex: I feel like I’ve just entered the Twilight Zone. I’m trapped in a sparkling crystal room with buttons everywhere…

Kai: this music track by jjoth feels very mysterious to me. It is like the mysterious music for a mysterious movie where mysterious mistresses are mysteriously disappearing under mysterious circumstances. The abrupt end makes it even more mysterious..

Alex: It was aliens… not to ruin the mystery or anything…

Nmmrem: According the google Inamar is a village in Indonesia. The music is mysteriously mysterious, like from an old murder mystery movie (somehow I feel it had to happen in a train). There’s something hidden in the east coast of Inamar that jjoth knows about. A treasure perhaps. Could jjoth have hidden the full 7 minute track there in an unmarked CD?

Alex: Wait… is it a cost or a coast in the title? Another mystery!

Marraskesi: Spaceship riding through a nebula towards an impending doom!

Alex: But where is it headed, and why? And how!?

Kai: it is yet another mysterious mystery!

44. Hollywood Video Game Kill-Bot – Second D.I.Y.

Alex: In a way, I’m even more confused than I was in the last track, but I’m enjoying myself anyway.

Kai: It was about time to have a freakish deejay from planet XucomFlux to spin a genreless family friendly mix set! Oh wait! It’s Hollywood Video Game Kill Bot who deserves the credits for this mad music mix over here! Think it is absolutely well done and worked out! Never heard so much diversity in a single minute, definitely interested in hiring this character for a next microparty!

Nmmrem: Usually potpourris last for minutes combining a lot of popular tracks and melodies. I find it nice irony that even a release having just one minute long songs has a potpourri in the mix. Second D.I.Y. Hollywood Video Game Kill-Bot is one of those, consisting of a guitar riff and oldschool game-system melodies seemingly in no much contact with each other. An entertaining ride through modern art museums, jungles and futuristic landscapes.

Alex: I’ve never heard potpourri used as a term to describe music before, so that’s interesting!

45. Pave Everything – Reptilos Del Disco

Kai: Who changed the channel? Are we still listening the Sirona600 compilation or did I just fall asleep while watching a B Cult movie? Can someone punch me in the face, so I know I’m not tripping balls again?

*Audio Hater punches Kai a blue eye*

Kai: aye, aye my eye! Oke, everything is fine, no reason to panic! We are still in the shower and still listening to the 600th release of Sirona. It was just that Pave Everything contribution felt like some kind of twisting the channels and finding culprits of cult movies. Perhaps I’m all wrong here, but this stimulates me to watch Ed Wood’s Plan B and all the episodes of the ghoulies again!

Alex: Oh wow, this is amazing!!! I love the title, too. It’s like a late night popcorn-munching schlockfest on television, hosted by guys in plastic alien masks. I feel like watching Robot Monster, or Forbidden Planet, or THEM!

Nmmrem: Whats this Radio channel?

46. Una Lee – WindeseileKai: What is this? The sound of an indian authentic monster doing experiments of an audio kind? It makes me think of a movie with Peter Sellers called ‘the party’, where he plays a bad actor. A role that fitted him conveniently well i might add!

Alex: This is definitely another piece I love, just like the last, where I feel like it has a sci-fi soundtrack vibe. Absolutely beautiful, and noisy! Like a robot clanking around at some small town banjo shindig, circa 1950.

Nmmrem: This radio channel is getting ever more weird. When Reptilos del disco had seemingly no reptiles at a disco, but generally a nice radio-like feel with movie clips; Windseile has found a newbie from the street and recorded his guitar harmonies? With gentle humming on the back and a bit of the radio-randomness.

47. R. Lobster – Dionysius of Halicarnassus

Kai: It feels like digital information going up and down through plastic strawers. Not something I would recommend to snort at party’s, but as this is a highly serious reviewers occasion I wouldn’t refuse a line!

Nmmrem: Oh, more odd ambiencenoise. If you take a melody and turn it into radio-static, it might sound something like Dionysius of Halicarnassus (who was a Greek historian and teacher of rhetoric, died 7 BC)! The title looks psychedelic though its not, and the track is very psychedelic; a very refreshing sound I would say!

Alex: This is a shower of bit particles, and they kind of hurt the skin. This is what it sounds like when cyborgs melt. Or when mechanical doves cry.

Nmmrem: This is what it sounds like – when wolves cry.

48. Balkar Wachholz – Delirant

Kai: You know the great thing of Sirona compilations? They are obviously packed with new discoveries and treasures. Like for example this work by Balkar Wachholz. Does anyone know this producer, have heard of Balkar’s outputs and more other valuable questions? To me this one minute track is really something that could be counted as a personal highlight. As everyone here is putting up with top 5 and top 20 list things, I will definitely put this track in the top 600! This is an awesome sound adventure that get so much things in this tiny time limit, that my brain seriously got some good process work to do, when listening to this track. The great thing is that even though there is so much things going, it seems like every sound, effects and placement is the right one. The only thing is that I wished that the tune was called Deodorant, just because i feel like I could use some pretty soon..

Alex: Really? In the shower?

Nmmrem: I’ve never realized the urge of using a deodorant in a shower. People have odd habits! I have to say I wasn’t as impressed as you. Balkar seems to have a piano melody there but it’s very modern art’ish. For noise, it is an entertaining piece and I like the addition of piano, but from track number 20, almost all have been noise/odd ambient. It’s getting too much for my digestation.

Alex: Well, you shouldn’t be trying to eat all of them, Nmmrem! Personally, I found the track tasty, like Kai. I guess you could say that it really put the DELI in Delirant, hahaha… *cough*. The noises were chaotically composed, as if flying out of pandora’s musicbox.

49. Dentist John – Dog Walkers (Siro600 Version)

Kai: i’m glad audiohater has left the building, as he bashed and trashed Dentist John once, he couldn’t pull a single tooth for at least one month.

Alex: Is he gone? I hope he took Dick with him, too… but they’re probably in Nmmrem’s bedroom right now!

Nmmrem: I imagine he left as theres nothing much to hate here. A rhythm! And a relaxing sound. We are at the foundations of odd ambient tunes, experimental sounds but not a mishmash. Based on catchy humming and rhythmic pattern where the experimentals are used to provide more than just the normal. Experimental and basic entwined the right way.

Alex: It’s got a nice roll to it, with the experimental rhythm and the nice drones, like being outside. It’s going on my list of tops. The track title didn’t register in my mind at first while I was listening to it, but at the end of the track I looked at it again and imagined not people walking dogs but large humanoid canines walking the streets on a full moon… this track is like what they would hear. The beat is the moving of their feet in their strange somnatic state, the rest is like expanded background sound due to their heightened sense of hearing.

50. ReAL.alTEr.Ego – Rising Sun

Kai: What is happening? why are you guys all lighting up? Do I spot glitter stardust on your wet skins? Ah even my own skin seems to glow and twinkle! It must have something to do with the music of ReAL.alTEr.Ego, what do you think Alex?

Alex: Where did Nmmrem go? Did he really just abandon his shower? Rising Sun begins with ambient sounds expanding out, it’s really nice sounding. It starts raining, but the sun is so bright and it’s hard to tell if it’s rain or ash hitting us at first. Then it kind of dissolves.

Nmmrem: I was checking the player, thinking that the compilation ended. A very slow buildup to a pretty slow buzzing. Very good title, it makes the title stand out a lot more.

51. My Anus Burns – Gotta Love My New Baby Bump

Kai: We have talked in this review a lot of time about the ass and its asshole. From dark tunnels inside of the anus to ass meling and slapping. It is a great surprise that we have reached a contribution by the legendary ‘my anus burns’.

The track transport us deep inside his new baby bump where a large fetus is playing with its cellphone. Do I need to say more to gain the listeners interest?

Alex: I’m frightened, Kai! I am going hide in the corner of the shower until it goes away…

Nmmrem: A sarcastic Hemorrhoid love song?!

52. Bash Nova – ùir

Kai: Aw you know my house gerbil just walked out of my ashole and craweled up in my arms and fell asleep. Isn’t it the cutest little thing ever seen? I was just hoping for a great track to cherish this moment of pure animal love and Bash Nova’s track simply delivers the right music. A simple tune perhaps, but you can also say it is stripped to the basic core which is concentrated love. It feels like a track for unborn baby’s, born baby’s, little children, cute curled up animals and of course sleeping gerbils. When the music is finished my house gerbil is completely relaxed and goes back deeply satisfied into his comfortable portable hiding place. Oh nothing beats, animal love!

Nmmrem: ùir stands for earth in gaelic, elementwise reminds more of air! Lots of space between the light chords sound reminiscent of xylophone. Sleeping music for little gerbils… Or children.

Alex: I feel like it’s element is malleted steel! Very interesting, like a consciously low fidelity recording and production of a toy xylophone, echoing into the crib.

53. Pan – Ladakh

Kai: Ah you know this music reminds me of a wonderful time in Amsterdam. My friend Herman Bilderberg was smoking these huge spliffs that by simply inhaling the second hand perfume of it would transport you into another time and world. You go into his house for just a quick visit and you will walk out of it three weeks later, as if being wrapped in a bubble of time. Pretty amazing things happens there creativity wize, beautiful audio sessions, paint sessions, sleep sessions, and in general great stuff!

I feel sorry for not being able to write proper emails and keep in touch with my friends and other loved ones, but because of the particular time zones I think it will be alright when the time comes. He makes trippy paintings at the moment under the name Rembrandt Maarten, so if you want you should google it or add him on the facebooks, always appreciated!

Anyway this track by Pan feels like it could have been a recording of one of these musical sessions. Pretty raw material but for a one minute track it sure triggered good memories of fun times!

Nmmrem: Third time is the charm, Avs_silvester practiced fipple flute, Una Lee guitar, Pan puts out an entire band practice! Nice mechanical ambience somehow reminding of Machinarium in the back, trying desperately to keep the rest of the band from not stumbling headfirst into the pit. Perhaps a mixed broken robot band playing. A quite sad image really as they are trying hard but cannot hit the right notes, only guy smiling as he plays is the decapitated robot head placed on a pedestal and playing a huge odd horn. He can still play.

Alex: Just by your descriptions I knew I would love this one, so I unclogged my ears and put them up to the shower speakers… wow! It’s like a lofi free music session. It gets better as it goes.

54. iampervert – mute this moment

Kai: Congratulations guys, we seem to have made it to our final destination. Who would have thought that listening to the complete Siro600 compilation while showering was the secret key to heaven? It still looks very much like the bathroom of Nmmrem, but if you look around it seems we are suddenly equipped with large butterfly like wings. Can someone please stop the flow of water from the shower? Wet wings may sounds sexy, but I don’t think its a good thing to fly with them. You look wonderful Alex spotting these nice pink/purple trippy wings & Nmmrem, you look handsome spotting these metallic glowing wings!

How about my wings, guys? I don’t have eyes on my back!

Alex: They’re blue, with webbing! So amazing!

Nmmrem: Seriously guys, fuck butterflies! Have you ever seen a butterfly up close? They aren’t exactly beautiful. But since we can’t get demons and black metal this’ll do.

Alex: No. No demons… tonight we must fly, leaving streams of rainbows from out of our anuses!

Kai: It is a crowded place, eh this heaven? But good to finally be reunited with everyone! Johan, Audio Hater, your girlfriend the dance expert, Dicky and a whole lot of others seem to have (re)appeared in your angelic shower!

Alex: Oh, hi everybody!

Kai: What a beautiful feeling, what a unexpected surprise and what a great music is there in heaven! Who would have thought that? I always wanted to go to hell as I was scared that I had to listen to harp music all day and night, but this music of Iampervert is just orgasmic! So orgasmic that even though being all angel-like; I feel like jerking off.

What do you think my winged friends?

Alex: One step ahead of you there, I’m just finishing up here!

Nmmrem *trying to not look at other “finishing” up*, desperately keeping it businesslike*:. Two track down Bash Nova delivered a pretty dreamtune, iampervert reconnects the same neurons. I sure like that the music doesn’t sound like you would imagine from the artist title (very harsh noisy). So really, musically it is very ethereal and melodic material that in a longer form could be awesome as relaxing sleeping music. Unless you are very fast in falling asleep, then this version should do it.

Alex: I also really enjoyed it, like waking from a dream and pleasurably finding yourself in a place other than what was expected.

Nmmrem’s conclusion

In my mind i was doubting whether this kind of collection would last multiple listens; it does. I was pleasantly surprised of it as the first half is a damn entertaining experience. The second cd holds it ground well for about 20-30 tracks, but after it, for me it got overly experimental with less melodic pauses in between. It made me lose a lot of interest to witness the 25th different type of ambience-humming and strange noises. Still, there are plenty of jewels in the second part as well.

I have to give credit to the compiler for balancing out similar tracks to same groups, it worked very well for over 70 tracks. Volume levels were almost always balanced, but sometimes the next songs would molest your ears with too high volume. But its acceptable, it happened rarely and with 108 tracks consisting of assload of styles it cannot be easy to balance them out. Another experimental but surprisingly accessable collection from Sirona-Records. Fine material, that should appeal to any listener with a mind for different music styles and variation.

Kai Nobuko’s conclusion.After standing so long under the shower with my professional friendly music analysers, my main conclusion is that indeed a lengthy shower session makes the skin rimple up.

I even feel like i’ve shrunk a little bit. Perhaps the water was too hot, or it was too hot to shower with a raincoat on. Audio wise I can’t complain about the short lengthy tracks that has passed the revue. A lot of artists keeping true to themselves and their concept, and love the fact that there were plenty of artist I had never heard any material from, which triggered my hunger for more of their works. A good flow is generated by the excellent track line up which makes this one long sound trip that contains highly interesting things to explore.

The creators and especially Arnaud Barbe should be very proud to have pulled this off, with so many artists in so little time. Oh please, give me more minutes!

Alex Spalding’s conclusionI don’t think I’ll ever shower again! The album itself was beautifully made and left a mark on my mind. There is no forgetting this compilation. You would think, with such a wide collection of artists presented and each track lasting roughly a minute that the compilation would be a wearying task to listen to, but it was completely the opposite. It left me feeling refreshed and was altogether a pleasurable journey. I really enjoyed the way it was compiled… when I came to the realization that many of the tracks occupied enclaves with similar works in the tracklist I would become excited any time I heard something I liked, not just enjoying the minute of music I was listening to but also anticipating at least two or three more like it, and was always satisfied. Many times throughout this would happen. It also showcases very nicely the widely diverse talent of the roster of artists, really gets you interested in hearing more from each of them. For me, the second disc was the better of the two, with some of the most strange and varied pieces, though both sides had moments of loveliness throughout. Viva Sirona-Records!

Honorary Humming Awards (Presented by the Guild of Experimental Ambience and Occultism):

R. Lobster – Dionysius of Halicarnassus

Dentist John – Dog Walkers (Siro600 Version)

Der Domestizierte Mensch – Barodscheff

The Top 5 Of Kai Nobuko: (sorry mine does not rhyme, as i’m just a swine)1: Arnaud Barbe (for everything!!)2: all the participating artists (for their participation)3: Lüc Messina (for the amazing artwork)

Congratulations dear readers, you have deserved a medal for coming at the end of this gigantic review. Unfortunately we don’t have the ability to get you your medal, but it is the thought that counts. Hope you enjoyed our shower session and that if you hadn’t checked this epic compilation already, that you might want to proceed to the epic compilation that is available as a free download over here:http://archive.org/details/siro600VariousArtists-GimmeAMinute

Listening Alex Spalding’s newest effort I’m Going to Die based on his previous solo album Amos in Flames, may come as shock. The gentle electronics of Amos in Flames are gone and as a replacement, we have vast, heavy industrial. The sound doesn’t have a pinch of humanism in it. It is more reminiscent of deteriorated buildings rising from a deserted Soviet town. Harsh electro assault with some noise elements, dark beats, lots of dynamics and occasional melodies. I dig!

The beginning of the album is such a middle finger, Driver is a suitable intro with its harsh electronics but second track I’m Going To Die seems to be the real driver there, as it for sure will drive a lot of listeners away. The third track Re-program is what really starts the album. Judging by the trackname even the artist seems to be aware of that. In the half-way of the song the harsh beat and beeping suddenly halt to an ingenious noise-assault break which leads to an evil groove straight from the top. If you turn death metal riffs into electronic beats, this is what it could sound like.

Another notable track follows soon. Ugly with its more multidimensional evil groove. My favourite of the album. Very Alex Spalding-like a few very short, ok fillups Ender and Samäel balance the way to Bizzy In The Mix. An almost 6 minute track. It holds its ground remarkably well, shifting enough to stay interesting. Surprisingly enticing, or like my girlfriend blurted while wandering in the room: “sounds like robots having sex”. The strong middle album is completed with Gridlock, its most notable feature; a brilliant groovebassline!

I needed some pictures to spice up the review

so here’s a diagram about the best times

to listen Alex Spalding’s I’m going to die

After Gridlock the quality doesn’t go down notably, perhaps it is surroundings which become familiar as most of the rest float through without boring and without boring itself in memory. Except, goodness on the 10th track, Robotics, and the centerpiece of the album (more like fuck-you-piece) I’m Going To Die (Full Version). Not bad for a 23 MINUTE NOISE TRACK, but I cannot see how a 23 MINUTE NOISE TRACK wouldn’t be skipped when I’m enjoying my industrial.

The sound, and the beats are enjoyable, but the problem is, it continues all album long. The album would love a bit more variation, like the organic bass line of Gridlock, or eardrum busting à la Re-Program. Not surprisingly the best tracks come from the beginning.

If you are into dancing in factory halls with your gasmask on, while stabbing cybergoths in the face; this is your stuff. Or if you’d like to hear how close to Metal electronic music can be, try it out. The industrial metallish tinge brings in mind the degradiation of Eastern block at its worst. Decline is beautiful. I heard in Ukraine there is a festival in an old Nuclear power plant. Maybe someone should book Alex Spalding?

Short enough to listen, still skipping it half of the time but it also provides a giggle now and then.

3. Re-program:

First it is catchy, then it busts your eardrums with noise, you may feel angriness rising up, but it is very shortly turned into aggressive euphoria as the next beat is even catchier. The beat switch with a noise-assault break in between is ingenious.

4. Ender

A good progress to a beat and a melody, but simply worse than Re-Program and Ugly.

5. Ugly:

Multidimensional evil groove explodes near one minute marker to a 3D headphone experience.

6. Samäel

A Random idea thrown in the midst.

7. Bizzy In The Mix

Robots having sex.

8. Gridlock

Bores in the beginning but then a groove bass bores itself in. Through all industrial layers it sounds absolutely wonderful to hear some organic-like instruments.

9. Stabbing Death

Very odd, Alex Spalding’s fetish for noise is apparent on this one. Lots of heavy steelwork.

10. Robotics

A robotic noisevoice seems to repeat my first name!?! Possibly for this, Robotics takes its place on the top of the album.

11. Gauge

Very beat oriented. Beat as a main drive and melody. I feel the beat is a bit alone, it might fancy a helping hand. Still works and surprises await.

12. Rotting

Great flow from Gauge, its aborted little brother.

13. Alex Spalding – I’m Going To Die (Full Version)

The centerpiece of the album. 23 minutes of noise, more like fuck-you-piece. I sat through it once, was entertained, annoyed and laughed. Good times. Never again. Funnily in this noise track there is a catch! A repeating “chorus” sort of! Voice repeating “I’m going tooo diiiiieee” at probably 50 times during the length of the track. I find myself trying to sing along with it but the voice cuts of abruptly half the time. Works well listened a few minutes at a time randomly.

14. Colder Than You

Ambience, steel girder tamping while grand factorylines mechanically move on… Over 5 minutes but I never have any hurry in skipping it. On the other hand I can never recall what happened in it either.

A few months ago I noted quite a lot of cheers and satisfied listeners of Alex Spalding’s effort Amos in Flames, which is why I decided to give it a real chance. Alex Spalding is the owner of the label Noise-Joy and has been actively releasing albums and committing to the underground music scene since 2006.

First impression, the refreshing cover art, gives Amos In Flames a headstart. Amos in flames equips my favourite kind of underground cover style, a blurry image. To make things better, the image is stylishly topped with cool oldschool font and lines.

It is only natural that also the music impresses instantly. Amos in Flames is quite a varied album and gets an ambient and promising start in Golden Ships, followed by oddly shortly ending, but extremely pretty, Funeral Flowers which leaves you hungring for more. Turns out this track seems to shape out much of the album in an unfortunate way. Many tracks, for example Succor and In Essence seem to either end too soon or sound like sketches in need of a few more layers. And amongst them there are a few jewels which sound a lot more ready than the rest.

My clear personal favourite is the 4th track, Glimmer. It is packed with an hypnotic beat and excellent varying ambience making its 6 minute length feel like 3 minutes. It would be a perfect track for a demo (demoscene, “non-interactive multimedia presentation made within the computer”).

After the wonderful first 4 tracks Bluelids / Breaking Apart isnt a worthy successor and Succor, while having interesting variety and a beautiful background melody sounds like an unfinished track. It could become a fine one if worked on though.

Disappointing and and in essence are made of similar fruity loops -reminding sound and not much happening under an okayish background. Where did all that glimmer go so soon? Amongst the way to the end, Crushing Spirit brings more bread to the table with a danceable rhythm, making the biggest peak in the “just ok” mid-album 25 minutes.

Just when you think the record has said everything, the 13th track Nazca flows into psychedelic oddbeat. The track starts off with dreamlike enticing ambience and turns on a wicked and odd beat, giving you some examples what Alex Spalding can do when he is on his game. Unfortunately unlike Glimmer the beat doesn’t hold its ground and lingers along a bit too much (probably cause its odd and when you’ve listened to for a while it stops being odd and loses catchiness), making this track good instead of great.

Following its name the 15th and last track 5th Cup – Divinorum has an extremely druggy feel. Starting a buildup it sets out its ground ready to explode… But instead keeps tripping up and down on acid and turning up new melodies and oddness. As a sistertrack to Nazca it closes up the album in a memorable manner.

All in all Amos in flames is an interesting piece of work and if you can find your way through all sketch-like tracks it delivers some fine nighttime music. With more self-criticism, it could have been an excellent ep. Had Alex Spalding read my mind and only released the 7 clearly better songs Amos In Flames would surely be a contender for my top 10 albums of 2011.

Overall ranking so far(Hell, do I actually like anything else than nighttime music?)

1. Master Toad & Pollux – Offer Their Souls

2. Golden Cloud & O.S.I.S. – Split

3. Alex Spalding – Amos In Flames

4. V3Rb tH3 N0un – Th3 dUbsT3p d3m0

Narrow-minded Metalhead reviews experimental music, why?

Being an avid underground rock/metal listener and huge fan in finding new music and genres I stumbled to TRASHFUCK Records, RedSK and their noise in 2009. A lot of their releases at best make me bored, scared and entertained at the same time. This impressesed me to try out more of the weblabel scene and introduced me to Sirona Records’ Arnaud. I decided to start reviewing electronic music records after I realized Im really not sure what is going on in half of Sironas’ releases.

Im trying to give my humble opinions on some new music, whose genres, I may or may not have any familarity, but sure thing is they are far from my normal music grounds. I have a feeling, if by chance I happen to stumble to albums with genre titles like “rave” “deathcore” or “techno”, I might have a hard time saying a single positive thing, but nevermind that. You can always bypass it by the fact that im just narrow-minded metalhead reviewing experimental music.

Electronic artists which I can say im a fan of are few, but some. Including Venetian Snares, Scorn, Nothing, Boris Clitoris / The Amoeba, Master Toad, Godflesh, Slagsmålsklubben. P.S. I know its hip to hate dubstep nowadays, but some dubstep can be mindblowing.