Welcome to my little corner of the world where you never know what you will find! It could be anything from a joke to a funny picture to a personal rant to a favorite recipe to an awesome quote to any random "bright idea" that pops into my mind.

Adult Content Warning

You have entered a site intended for ADULTS ONLY. If you are under the age of 18, or if it is illegal to view such material in your community, please exit this site immediately. This site contains mature content including but not limited to; articles, discussions, pictures and other materials that some people may find offensive. If such materials offend you, please exit this site immediately.

32-Ton Marble Vagina Traps US Exchange Student

It seemed like a great photo op, but a dare ended in embarrassment for an American student who got trapped inside a large sculpture in the shape of a vagina at Germany’s Tubingen University, reports the Sydney Morning Herald.

At about 1:45 p.m. on Friday, firefighters were called to the scene, where, they were told, someone was “stuck in a stone vulva.”

Freeing the young man, whose name has not been released, from the 32-ton red Veronese marble monolith took no less that 22 firefighters (and five fire trucks), as well as paramedics. The rescuers required no special equipment, and were able to extricate the student from the sculpture by hand, creating a surreal, oversize delivery room scene, with the artwork giving birth to a full-grown (though perhaps a little immature) man.

Erick Guzman, a fellow student, posted photos of the incident on Imgur, saying “I was there!!! He just wanted to take a funny picture.”

Tübingen’s mayor found it difficult to comprehend how such a ridiculous accident could have occurred, “even when considering the most extreme adolescent fantasies,” according to local paper Schwäbisches Tagblatt. “To reward such a masterly achievement with the use of 22 firefighters almost pains my soul,” he added.

Despite the undeniably humorous nature of the incident, said Guzman, “The fire department was not really amused, and [the student] was really embarrassed.”

Peruvian artist Fernando de la Jara installed the statue, titled Chacán-Pi (Making Love) and meant to symbolize “the gateway to the world,” according to the Guardian, in front of the university’s institute for microbiology and virology 13 years ago. It was not damaged by the student or the efforts of his rescuers.

artnet News readers may recall that earlier this year, an Italian student who was also hoping for a fun photograph made headlines when he hopped into the lap of a statue in Milan, causing it to shatter—and that wasn’t even the most ill-advised selfie of 2014.

Two Iranian girls got in a car crash while taking a video selfie (see the footage at E Online), while a young woman in North Carolina who died behind the wheel in a car accident was photographing herself shortly before her fatal crash, as reported by the Independent. Advice for selfie-seekers: don’t ignore safety and common sense when you’re picking that perfect photo-op.

I do have to wonder if any of these selfie-seekers are actually competing for a Darwin Award! SMH

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Just received a joke I haven't heard in absolutely years. It is actually the second ‘dirty’ joke I was ever told. LOL

Superman is flying around one day and he’s feeling kinda horny.

So he finds Batman sitting on top of a building and drops down to ask him where the best place to get laid is. Batman proceeds to tell him that Wonder Woman is a great lay. Superman then tells him that he couldn’t do that to her because they have been friends for too long and he flies away.

Superman then sees Spider-man swinging around and flies next to him while he’s swinging and asks him who the best piece of ass is. Spider-man tells him that he hears Wonder Woman is good and tells him to look her up. Disgruntled Superman takes to the air and flies about.

He then notices Wonder Woman lying in a field naked and spread Eagle. He thinks I’m faster than a speeding bullet, I can be in and out of that so fast she’ll never know what hit her. So, he flies down does his business and in 4 seconds he’s back in the air flying away.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Stay Away From your BoyfriendIn the lovely state of West Virginia, "Unmarried couple who live together and “lewdly associate” with one another may face up to a year in prison". Fortunately it was repealed in 2010. Imagine all of those unmarried rebels who lived together prior to 2010. Really on the edge type of characters. Hope they were all released from prison. Leave the Cows BeIn good 'ol Mississippi, cattle rustling is punishable by hanging. Still? Maybe not. Bu the fact that this was ever a law is pretty outrageous. There's likely a bunch of other old laws that were punishable by hanging. If this made the cut, imagine the rest. Oh dear. Yeah, Your Elephant Pays TooLeave it to Florida to come up with this gem "If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle". Don't try to get out of paying your fines, you elephant riding renegades. You pay your dues just like the rest of us. Garlic Breath Much?Out in Oregon, ministers are forbidden from eating garlic or onions before delivering a sermon. While the sentiment is appreciated, perhaps this law overstates some personal boundaries? Talk about separation of church and state, now the government is telling the church about personal hygiene. NOT A BEDIn Pennsylvania, one must never sleep on a refrigerator. There should be another law which states that anyone who needed the previous law explained to them should be arrested. Reasons to no sleep on a refrigerator, because refrigerator. Simple enough? No Lantern In Car, PleaseIn the great state of Alabama, "It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile." Those lantern-free cars are good to go. Admittedly, no one should ever drive the opposite way on a one way street, or drive with a lantern in your car for that matter No Stopping Here Any TimeIn Little Rock, Arkansas "no one may suddenly stop their car in front of a McDonald's". Apparently, Arkansas takes its fast food joints VERY seriously. Hard to imagine what the precedent for this was. Perhaps some crazy outlaw once came to a complete stop a a busy thrive thru, sending the town into downward spiral. Can't let that happen again. Cemetery Joy Ride? NOPEBelieve it or not, Dunn, North Carolina felt the need to outlaw driving through their local cemeteries for pleasure. That's right, the next time you find yourself wanting to drag race through Veterans Memorial Cemetery, don't. We have to wonder if it would legal to take a shortcut on through the cemetery on your way to work. After all, there is not pleasure in going to work. No margarineIn the state of Wisconsin, it's illegal to serve butter substitutes in state prisons. It's actually healthier to have butter anyway, so our guess is the state legislators are watching out for their inmates? DUI downIf you desperately must have personalized license plates, then don't get slapped with a DUI in New Jersey… or just don't drink and drive OR live in the state of New Jersey. The law there states that once you have been convicted of drunk driving, you may never again have personalized plates! Take down the trimmingsUnfortunately, Maine as a state does not tolerate Christmas lights and wreaths past January 14th. It is illegal in Maine to have your Christmas decorations up past that date! Bingo timeIn North Carolina, grandma isn't allowed to play bingo for more than five hours. No marathon in this state! Watch out!We're not sure what kind of murderer would have the foresight to wear a bulletproof vest while committing his or her crime, but in the state of New Jersey, it's actually illegal to wear one when committing murder! Party of…What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Maybe that's because you're not allowed to buy drinks for more than three people at a time. Yes, it's true -- that's an actual Nevada law! Three little bearsIn Alaska, hunting is a regular thing. Shooting bears is a regular thing. And it's totally ok for you to wake a bear up by shooting it (if you sorta miss). However, it's illegal in Alaska to wake a sleeping bear merely to take a picture of or with it! No German fare Beer and pretzels… that sure sounds like our kind of sports bar game night appetizer! Too bad we'll never visit North Dakota for this reason. It's illegal there for a restaurant to serve both pretzels and beer at the same time! Arcade ageDo you think there's too much violence in video games for kids under the age of 18? Are you concerned that arcades are a bad influence? Well, there's a place for you -- South Carolina deems it illegal for anyone under the age of 18 to play a pinball machine. No bear hugIn the state of Missouri, it is illegal to drive with an uncaged bear. We're assuming that this means it's ok to transport bears from zoo to zoo as long as they're in cages, but there's no random cab hopping for your friendly backyard guest! Heavy heartsIn the state of Idaho, it's illegal for a man to give his love a box of candy weighing more than 50 pounds. So we guess there's no chance our lover in Idaho's gonna be sending us that fantasy jumbo Toblerone gift basket. Drunk fish In the state of Ohio, it's illegal to get a fish drunk. We're not sure why you would want to in the first place, but there it is!

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Monday, August 25, 2014

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system,the Captain announces,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However,the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our Visa and Master Card bill yet?"

"No, sweetheart," she responds.

Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?"

"Oh, no!, I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.

"One last thing Esther. Did you remember to send the installment check to the IRS this month?" he asks.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Hello all. It has been several weeks since I rather abruptly left blogland. I deleted my email/profile/ etc. In one swift action, much like ripping off a bandage. Oh, it still hurt and quite a lot, but still easier than leaving bit by bit. I have missed all of you and this very special place more than I can say.

I want to extend a very special thank you to Cat who so graciously provided the platform for me to come back and speak with you. I would have used a different blog, a blog I used to have, if I still had the password.

I never really intended to come back here and say what I am going to say today. I tried to believe it was for reasons meant more to protect all of you than for selfish reasons of my own. But, I don’t believe that’s really true. What I have to confess will hurt some of you. I know that and I am so sorry. I also hate to be the cause of any feelings of distrust and doubt among any of you for your fellow bloggers/friends here. I fear some of that may happen as well. I am so sorry for that too. Still, to just leave with “no one the wiser” is cowardly. I always knew that. I also have very strong personal reasons for feeling it is imperative that I confess to all of you and ask your forgiveness. I’ll explain that in a minute. Of course, I realize that just because I ask your forgiveness does not mean that I expect to receive it. Maybe you can find it in your heart to do so, and maybe you can’t. I understand that some will be angry and I don’t blame you. I’m expecting that too. You have every right to feel that way.

You know me as Queenie, but some of you knew me by a different name. I was also Cowgirl Up.

I wanted so badly to be a part of this community. I never intended to hurt anyone. Once I became ‘Cowgirl’, I felt I belonged here. My blog, at first, was only jokes or posts that were not very personal. Slowly, I began to take what had a kernel of truth and embellish it far beyond anything reasonable. I knew it was wrong. I had such guilt, and rightfully so. What I never really expected was that I would come to truly, genuinely care about so many other bloggers. To become so heavily invested in their lives. By then, I didn’t see how I could confess without causing so much hurt and disappointment. The closer I got to some others, the harder it became. Finally, I just could not carry on with it. At the same time, I could not figure out how to stop. Just stop. I ended my blog by saying that my husband ‘Blue’ had a family member who was diagnosed with a serious illness and I had no time to blog, etc. Well, there was a truth there. His mother was sick and we lost her recently. Still, I know that some of you never stopped praying for ‘Cowgirl’ and ‘Blue’ and our family. I believe that those heartfelt prayers, that were so sincerely made by so many, but under such deceitful pretenses on my part have had an effect on me. I have been diagnosed with cancer. The biopsy shows it to be an especially aggressive, invasive variety. I believe that this is my punishment. Not sent by God, but by my own feelings of extreme guilt and shame at what I have done to so many here. I cannot carry this burden another day.

Why did I come back as Queenie? I tried to just be happy as a reader only. Then as an anonymous commenter. That wasn’t enough. I decided to come back as someone else. Someone totally honest this time. To the best of my memory, with the exception of how long I’ve been involved in blogland and pretending it was the first time to contact certain bloggers, I have not been deceitful as Queenie. That was the ‘real’ me. Warts and all. After what happened with Christina, I realized I was still doing something very wrong. I know some assumed I left blogland due to the fallout from Christina. Of course, it wasn’t any of you who I felt may not be as you seemed, it was entirely because I had my own secret to hide.

I want to apologize to each and every person who reads this. I ask that you send others to read this who may not otherwise.

I want to extend a special apology to those bloggers I became especially close to, in my mind at least, as ‘Cowgirl’: Clint and Chelsea, Christina, Lillie, Molly Rose, Irishey, SNP, Renee Rose, Julia, Lil Misses, Cat, Willie, Blue Bird, Dana

Also, a very special apology to those who were so very kind to me as Queenie: Cat, Irishey, Willie and Clara.

I have no doubt I have left out many, so, to one and all who have been my friend in either of my identities, I thank you. I’m beyond sorry for what I did. Please forgive me if you can.

Cat here…Before you comment, please remember…you can be angry, hurt, saddened, disappointed and are free to express any or all of those emotions as well as others you may be feeling. But…I do NOT tolerate disrespectful comments on my blog.

Received the following in an email…had me ROFLMBO before I even got half way through it! Hope you enjoy!!!!

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

1. Feed him2. Sleep with him3. Leave him in peace4. Don't check his phone (Messages or texts)5. Don't ask him where he’s going, been or who he’s been with.

So what's so hard about that?

HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY:

It's really not too difficult but... To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be:1. a friend2. a companion3. a lover4. a brother5. a father6. a master7. a chef8. an electrician9. a plumber10. a mechanic11. a carpenter12. a decorator13. a stylist14. a sexologist15. a gynecologist16. a psychologist17. a pest exterminator18. a psychiatrist19. a healer20. a good listener21. an organizer22. a good father23. very clean24. sympathetic25. athletic26. warm27. attentive28. gallant29. intelligent30. funny31. creative32. tender33. strong34. understanding35. tolerant36. prudent37. ambitious38. capable39. courageous40. determined41. true42. dependable43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

44. give her compliments regularly45. go shopping with her46. be honest47. be very rich48. not stress her out49. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

50. give her lots of attention51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

A group of northern engineers is trying to calculate the height of a flag pole.

They try to measure its height by lining up their thumbs and then turning the thumb 90 degrees and marking a spot on the ground.

Then they try to use its shadow and trig functions, but no luck.

An engineer from the south comes by and watches for a few minutes.

He asks one of the northern engineers what they're doing.

"We're trying to calculate the height of this flagpole." the engineer said.

The southern engineer watches a few minutes more and then, without saying a word, he walks over, pulls the pole out of the ground, lays it down, measures it, writes the measurement on a piece of paper, and gives it to one of the northern group.

The northern man looks at the paper, snickers and says to the others: "Isn't that just like a southerner? We're trying to calculate the height and he gives us the length."

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Quick note: I've received several emails asking if I had a mailing list to notify people whenever I updated my artwork page...the answer is no. I have put a note on the sidebar and will update it with the date I last updated the page so you can easily see if there is anything new...newest will always be at the bottom of the page.

Oh and I added a contact me section in the sidebar also...if you want a quick and easy way to send me a message.

Now...back to regularly scheduled programming...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds:"He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"