Excuse me. I am a GODLY and GLORIOUS heterosexual. I'm so straight that my gaze never lingers on the huge poster of sweaty half-naked young men at Abercrombie and Fitch, I'll tell you that right now. No sir, Jesus isn't havin' it. Why, I am so much the epitome of masculine ruggedness that sometimes I slap my male coworkers on the butt like in a football huddle, and then challenge them to a wrestling match. I close my eyes during my mani/pedi and during my triannual colonoscopy I make sure that the doctor is female.