No, he didn’t rape an exotic dancer on March 13 at an off-campus party in Durham, N.C., but apparently members of the Duke lacrosse (shortened, LAX — we don’t know why, either) team did.

The school canceled the remaining games on the lacrosse team’s schedule and said they can’t mess with LAXatives or fly through LAX airport anymore. The victim said three white men pulled her into a bathroom and beat, choked, raped and played 10 fingers with her.

Police took DNA samples of 46 of the team’s 47 players. The 47th, the team’s only black player, is probably SheldenWilliams. No one has been charged yet, but it seems likely that CoachKskldrhuhuidg27987569826jd;fskldjghh will make a commercial about it.