Marco Van Taco ¦ Writer

On a warm spring day, many students at the Unibar were jovially drinking beers at lunchtime. Glasses clinking, cigarette smoke wafting, and general banter and laughter filling the surrounds. One group of five students in particular had an upcoming lecture to attend in 10 minutes. What followed would change the lives of all uni students for the rest of history.

Mark, looking at the time says, “Oh its 1:20pm, we need to quickly head to class!”

Jaycee then said the ballsiest thing since a UOW lecturer told his class that a philosophy degree increases their job prospects.

“What class?”, Jaycee sarcastically says, smirking slyly as he takes a sip of his middy.

Matthew looks up from his phone with his jaws dropped, Luke chokes on a sip of beer, and John drops his cider to the floor in one of those slow motion glass breaking scenes with the Wachowski Brothers spinning camera effects.

A few eavesdropping students pause for a moment to acknowledge the audacity of a fellow student saying such a thing. They all turn and stare.

“Wh…what?”, one table murmurs.

While John calls to get the broken glass picked up, Mark reminds Jaycee, “You need to attend lectures! You…you just need to. What about the lecturer!? How would they feel? They’re not just doing this to build up their own CV, they truly really care about you, even if they do get paid whether or not you come back next year!”

“Nah, I got it sorted bro. First year is too easy, I’ll just get the notes off my mate in second year to ace the 70% final.” Jaycee responds with an overly confident look that implies he can’t go back on what he said now. “What about the integrity of your grade?” Matthew says concerned. Jaycee shrugs.

Matthew, Mark, Luke and John gather their backpacks and leave Jaycee to head off to class, already beginning the first retelling of the soon to be legendary event.

Later, the Smoking Duck reached out to Jaycee’s teacher, Professor P. Pilate, for comment. He said he had heard of Jaycee’s dauntlessness to University class attendance and had a few words for the revolutionary 1styear student.

“The story has spread like wildfire through the office, it’s a watercooler favourite now. The academics are furious! I admire the confidence he has, but he must be stopped. We can’t let his blasphemy influence the other students. I’ll bring him in front disciplinary, and let the powers at be decide his fate.”

Jaycee has not been seen since this day, but his legacy lives on in the Pass grades awarded to all the unexceptional students following in his footsteps. He is set to be canonised as the first Patron Saint of UOW in the coming months.