Tuesday, December 07, 2010

True Church Stories - #24

Years ago here at our church in Tampa there was a woman who thought she could sing well.

I'm sure you have one of those in your church too. (Smile)

She insisted on singing "O Holy Night" for Christmas time and kept hounding our music pastor about an opportunity to sing. The music pastor knew better than to put her up there on a Sunday morning but at the time we had Sunday night services and so he scheduled her for a Sunday night and hoped since this was the faithful cream of the crop in attendance, they would be more understanding. She didn't just repeatedly stalk the music pastor about the fact that she thought she could sing -- she pretty much did it with anybody in earshot. She would have made an amazing American Idol contestant -- you know, the funniest ones who think they can sing and are woefully offended when someone tells them they can't. In the church it's an especially sticky situation when someone is convinced that singing solos is their gift, and it's very evident to everyone else that it's not.

Not only did she sing O Holy Night, but she insisted on having a friend with her to sing who was equally as painful on the ears. They did a duet and both of them were totally decked out in Christmas regalia as they sang. My husband and I were sitting on the platform facing the congregation during this debacle and it was hard to not burst out laughing. I closed my eyes and thought of anything I could think of to stay serious. I thought of all the Christmas shopping I had left to do. I thought of my housecleaning that I was woefully behind on. I thought of anything to block out the screeching sounds of "O niiiiiiighhhhht divine...O night when Christ was born!"

After the service they made a beeline to me to say, "What did you think of our song?" Even in these circumstances I don't think it's right to lie and I always think of something positive to say. So I exclaimed, "Oh my gosh, you guys LOOK GREAT!!!" Amazingly they smiled and thanked me and never asked anything else about the actual song. Then they went to my husband and said, "Pastor...how did you like our song?" He just smiled and said one word: "WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (Wow can mean anything...wow can be good, wow can be bad, wow can be indifferent. But at least it wasn't a lie.) Then they went to our music minister and said, "what did you think of our song?" and he said, "You know...those are some of the highest notes I've ever heard." (He didn't say they were on pitch, in tune, or pleasant sounding...he just said they were high.)

Here's to all the interesting songs we may hear this holiday season...some good, some, not so much.