In October 2002, I submitted the following as my "audition" for a humor list that was a part of TopFive.com -- the Mini-Fivers Conservative Politics List. I wrote for that list the few short months it was in existence. I have some of the actual lists online at Fawnn.com, but until I get ambitious and post specific links here, you'll have to hunt through the home page, The Observational Therapist, and assorted blog-style pages to find them. For now, here's the audition:

The Top 5 Differences Between a Memorial Service and a DNC Rally

5. Clinton sits closer to Hillary.

4. The party faithful actually admit to being liberal.

3. They dig up has-been politicians, instead of burying Republicans.

2. Cheering hoards in attendance only receive two absentee ballots each, instead of the usual five.

1. Balloons don't drop from the ceiling; they're used to elevate the urns.

Mondale was fun. Now, how about another chance to tease Dukakis? (Arthur Levesque, Laurel, MD)

Well, I'm not sure about what I should get for the other conservatives in my life, but I know I'm hoping for a nice 50-ish- Christian-conservative-intellectual-faithful-monogamous-minded- cuddly-understanding-organic-gardener-with-a-big-kitchen-and-nice- forearms widower. Beard and hair on top of his head optional. (Other than that, using myself as a gauge, I've determined that conservatives aren't picky.) (Pamela Rice Hahn, Celina, OH)

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