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Dusk: Omorogbe

I’m sat on my bed trying to think up a way to start this article about how this year has been for me and I’m having a hard time of it. I don’t know if it’s the fact that nothing much happened to me or maybe I’m just finding ideas hard to come by. After much struggle and questioning of my ability to put down my thoughts, I’ve finally taken a leap and written a few things.

In all honesty, this year was an annoying year for me. Here I was doing compulsory National Service which I hated for assorted reasons, not least for the fact that I’d been made to waste a lot of time before embarking on it, and also, let’s be honest, working isn’t a lot of fun.

For me, the year was bland interspersed with a few extremes here and there. But that’s usually how life is, so it’s nothing to moan about after all whining changes nothing considering the universe couldn’t care less about whatever I might be passing through.

Writing this, I’m thinking “most of what I want to put down is clearly negative, but no one likes a sad story…”, so I’m scrambling to find good stuff to put in.

As I said earlier, this was my service year. The year started with me starting work in January having gone through the ‘rigours’ of finding a job the previous year. Here I was in a decent organisation with some good enough standing in the industry. It felt good and I was determined to make the most of it. Not that I didn’t, just that as time went on I lost the enthusiasm I started with and slowly begin to regress into the whole going-through-the-motions routine. To top it off, my boss was the yelling type. I know what you’re thinking “what’s the big deal about a bit of shouting”, well it was awful. It got adults crying. I have to confess it brought tears to my eyes once. That takes some doing. Eventually, I got used to it and he left our organisation (although not before he wound up into falling in a disciplinary pit). The ironic thing is, when he left it almost brought tears to my eyes.

Probably the biggest thing that happened to me this year was the end of the aforementioned crap National Service. I’m glad it’s finally ended and though it means it won’t be seeing some friends anymore, I cannot quite put across how elated I was in October. It coincided with my birthday and put in perspective my progress [or lack of it] in life. Even though I’m 23, I feel like I should be doing much much better than currently am doing. Yes, I might have a job and all that but I feel lke the coming year should see more improvement front me in every single facet of my existence. Then again, not tethering on the brink of what some might call depression would be an improvement in and of itself. I had too many periods this year when I felt like everything was stacking up to form an obstacle in some way and yeah, sometimes you’re in such a sad place you effectively tell yourself you’re just better alone. I’m pretty sure when kept me going was the knowledge that there was no such thing as life being fair or unfair. It just throws up random scenarios and our perspective determined whether or not that scenario wad fair or not [to us]. As mundane as that might seem, that’s what keeps me because I know that all I need to do is keep going, keep chugging along, better scenarios will come up. What was I saying about no one liking a sad story! I need to come up with more happy stuff that happened this…
*Shuffles through immense amount of stuff that occurred this year* …er, I guess that’s my story.

It’d be very easy for me to say I hated this year and I’m glad to see it pass, so I will not. There was a smattering of good in the year, no doubt [yes, celebrating a year end is like celebrating the idea that death is around the corner lurking waiting to get it’s awful claws on you] so as the year ends it’s going to be with mixed feelings that I say goodbye to the year and look forward to a new year that’ll hopefully bring better things.

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I don’t know why the first line “I’m sat on my bed…” cracked me up. Was half expecting to see “I’m sat in my grandfather’s rocking chair…” or something lol. Thank you very much for pulling yourself to write this 🙂