What Do I Do if I Like Two Guys Who Are Different?

Reader Question:

What can I do if I like two guys? Both are different in their own way. I tried to end the relationship with one of them but he said he loves me. I already cheated on one of my exes in the past, and I don’t want to do the same to my new relationship. I don’t know how to end it.

-Chanel (California)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

This is always a tough one. You have two perfectly acceptable boyfriends and you just can’t decide. Before I give you a decision-making tip, I want you to start to think about why an attachment to two people feels secure to you.

Do you feel better with a backup man?

Did you grow up being shuttled between two houses and this feels normal?

Did you have a strong early life attachment to your brother AND your dad?

Any of these factors might help explain why you got yourself into this situation, and learning more about your own psychological motivations can be very helpful.

But in the meantime, you’ve got to take some strong action or you’ll have two EX-BOYFRIENDS. I think the person who you have better conflict resolution skills with is a good pick.

If you can talk through your problems instead of giving each other the icy treatment, you have the biggest skill necessary for the long haul.

And, speaking of the long haul, I’d also choose the guy whose future plans most match yours. Finally, when breaking up with one: Be strong. Be firm. Be kind. And don’t hurt him by waffling or keeping him as a friend (backup man).

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