I understand you must receive lots of mail from people needing help to interpret dreams and I do apologize for another such request but I had a dream that I cannot get out of my mind. I have spent days trying to figure it out. I cannot figure this one out and it is disturbing me terribly. Would you mind helping me with this.

I was at my childhood house with my step father. I was my current age in the dream, not a child. I was cleaning his house in hopes of getting paid. The house was a mess. I cleaned the downstairs and walked upstairs to clean. In the hall, in front of the bathroom there was a small table that had only one object on it. It was a dirty white coffee cup. Inside of the cup was a broken thermometer that was filled with watery blood instead of mercury. The watery blood had stained the bottom of the cup, but was still slightly wet. There was broken glass in the bottom of the cup.

I did not clean this cup out but walked down the hall into his bedroom. He began kissing me and fondling me. I felt dirty and ashamed. Disgusted. I believe he had sex with me twice. I heard someone coming and went down the hall to the bathroom to get dressed. I knew that his wife (not my mother, his current wife) had come home.

I closed the bathroom door and was struggling to get dressed. I was wet and soiled with his semen. I felt so dirty and embarrassed. I kept grabbing for shorts to put on. I could not find my clothes. I kept layering everyone else's shorts. I believe I ended up wearing my husbands favorite shorts out of the bathroom. His wife seemed angry as if she knew what had happened.

I walked outside with my step father. I was thinking that I could not believe I had gone through all of this for money and had not been paid. I realized he was not going to pay me. I never mentioned the hopes of money.

I told him that my car had a bad tire (which it does in real life) and that I could not leave. I was hoping he would give me money to fix the tire, instead he offered me keys to one of his cars. He was trying to hand me the keys and kissed me on my check a few times. I felt dirty again. He was offering a burgundy colored car. I was hoping for the nicest car, but it was the cheapest car.

Just before waking up I was deciding whether or not to take his car or whether to risk driving my own car with the bad tire.

Sorry for the lengthy email. I know how busy you all must be and I do appreciate your taking time for me. This dream is keeping me from doing the things I need to do on a daily basis. I cannot get this dream out of my mind. I feel that there is something to this dream.

Can you help?

Thank you,Dixie,September 9, 2000

Hi Dixie,

Your dream is quite disturbing to read. Before I give you my interpretation of your dream, I'd like to say that if your dream is a reflection of past real-life abuse, then it is for your well-being that you seek psychological help. The events in your dream may represent thoughts that have long been repressed and now you are slowly remembering them. With that said, now let's analyze and break down your dream.

Dreams about your childhood home generally reflect aspects of yourself that were prominent during the time that you lived there. Consider what your childhood was like and the attitudes or relationships you had. Your childhood home may pop up in your dream because of some unfinished emotional feelings that have yet to be resolved. Interestingly, you are cleaning the house, which suggests some sort of dirtiness - dirtiness of the Self and of the physical body.

Levels of the house represent levels of awareness. You mentioned how you cleaned the downstairs. The downstairs may indicate how you have successfully created an outward appearance that everything is okay. However, as you go just a little bit deeper into your mind (the upstairs) you find that are experiencing much mental turmoil.

The dirty white coffee cup and thermometer is a classic Freudian sexual image and may foreshadow the sexual act that is to come later on in your dream. White is symbolic of purity. However, since it is dirty implies a loss of innocence. According to Freud, the cup (or any receptacle for that matter) symbolizes the vagina and the thermometer (or any long, slender object) symbolizes the penis. It is interesting how you were able to tell that the thermometer was filled with blood and not mercury. This further lends to the notion that this had quality of some seminal fluid and thus symbolic of intercourse.

What kind of relationship do you have with your step-father now? According to your dream, he has a new wife now. Do you still maintain contact with him? He sounds like a horrible man. You seem to have a problem standing up to him even in your own dreams. It is apparent that he still has some considerable control over you.

Even if you were never sexually abused, this dream highlights your low self-esteem and how you tend to accept whatever life throws at you instead of fighting. You are taking a passive role in life and it's time to take charge. Don't let others take advantage of you.

Take care of yourself.

Best Regards,Steve

Dixie's Response:

Thank you Steve for taking the time to interpret this dream for me. I have always felt that it was odd that I cannot remember more of my childhood.

In answer to your question - I have nothing to do with my stepfather. I never see him.