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Abbas Mustan’s Machine: 99 Problems In This 100 Problem Film

As a 20 something, I’ve made peace with the fact that I’m going to share a love-hate relationship with Bollywood. Growing up with it has made me realise that we’re married to each other, can’t do with, can’t do without. As much as I find myself at the receiving end of disappointment after a bad film, I know I’m always hoping for the film to offer some takeaway, be it good humour or a simple message.

Last evening I entered the theatre to witness leading director Abbas’ son Mustafa’s Bollywood debut with Machine featuring Kiara Advani as the female lead. Much to my disappointment Abbas Mustan’s Machine has 99 problems in this 100 problem film.

Read on….

1. Colour Co-Ordination Game-Pro: I’m no Coco Chanel but scenes featuring the lead characters wearing matching clothes was disturbing to the level of 1960s. I don’t remember witnessing this trend after the early 2000s. We’re in 2017, we can really keep the colour coupling aside.

They co-incidentally wore the same colour

2. Bollywood film or K-Drama? Remember the decade of Ekta Kapoor shows alone featuring dramatic pan-zoom scene thrice to add shock value? The film didn’t miss out on the drama game via some video effects.

3. Romeo more like Creep: In the first half, Sarah (played by Kiara Advani) is smitten by some anonymous guy writing poems for her, ‘secretly’ recording her videos, writing a letter to her in blood and of course sending her gifts. Someone shake her up to the realisation that this is creepy and not romantic by normal standards.

“Will you marry me my princess?” He said

4. Dialogues more like trolls: Hands down,the dialogues of this film are its highlights for they’re unintendedly funny and cheesier than I like my pizza. Sample this, “Main Tumhare Hothon Ki Lipstick Toh Kharab Karunga Par Tumhare Ankhon Ka Kajal Kabhi Nahi”.” (“I will spoil the lipstick from your lips, but never will I spoil the kajal from your eyes.”

5. The absence of respite: Except for the beautiful locations and cinematography, the film comes with no respite. The songs too, disappoint in that endeavour, leaving little for the audience to take back.

P.S: Abbas Mustan’s Machine has 99 problems in this 100 problem film. After giving us some stellar films like Khiladi, Baazigar and Race to name a few, this one comes as a dated disappointment in 2017. Here’s to hoping our next visit to the theatre is a more promising experience. Until next time, #StayCurious 🙂

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