Blur, Phoenix, Chili Peppers for Coachella 2013

Let’s start sympathetically. As usual, when you get down into the lower rungs and realize just how many enticing bookings are tucked into the fine print, the lineup for the 14th Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival stops being such a letdown.

The double-weekend event takes place April 12-14 and 19-21 at the Empire Polo Field in Indio. Remaining passes, after last May's early-bird run, go on sale Tuesday, Jan. 29, at 10 a.m.

Beyond obviously rare, presumably great turns from Britpop cornerstones the Stones Roses and Blur and godhead figures like Lou Reed and Nick Cave – four doses of Cave across two weekends, in fact, twice with the Bad Seeds, twice with his outfit Grinderman (didn’t he retire that?) – there are plenty of other names to get excited about.

Because I’m geezer enough to have been at every Coachella, my instant must-see list includes acts I haven’t witnessed in Indio before.

Extending a tradition of honoring the roots of today’s Indie Nation – a distinctive booking pattern that dates back to the first of these weekend fests in 1999 – many of the first-timers are bands initially popular in the early ’80s: the Mael brothers of L.A. quirksters Sparks (whose work goes back to the ’70s); English synth-pop forebear OMD, following their rapturously received small-venue tour stateside with this desert appearance; one-of-a-kind folk-punk trio Violent Femmes; and three titans of California punk rock, Social Distortion, Descendents and former Dead Kennedys frontman Jello Biafra.

There’s an expected reunion of 2Tone ska favorite the Selecter, an unexpected regrouping of progressive hip-hop outfit Jurassic 5, an out-of-nowhere resurrection of L.A. psych-rockers the Three O’Clock, an unsung influence from the Paisley Underground scene. There are also major players in electronic music’s development who we haven’t seen in a while (Moby, Roni Size), a large-scale stage for left-field success story Rodriguez, and one of the best-ever environments for a Dead Can Dance performance.

I haven’t even gotten to most of the main attractions, the ones with audiences that have outgrown packed tents.

Also, did I mention LOU REED is playing?!? Now I’m not so ticked that Tom Waits’ name isn’t included.

Why should I be ticked that someone as reclusive and reluctant to play huge gigs as Waits wouldn’t be there? Because of an awfully believable fake that made the rounds earlier this week.

This was no phony poster with ill-placed selections, but an ersatz Times leak that supposedly went up on Pop & Hiss, only to be yanked down immediately. It read legit, proved to be spot-on about several second- and third-tier acts, and almost got the headliners right. The hoaxing prankster had the Stone Roses and Blur on Sunday (right mix, wrong day), Daft Punk and Phoenix on Saturday (half-right) and Justin Timberlake opening.

That last one was a swing and a miss, but hardly unthinkable given JT’s just-announced return to music and talk-of-the-fest attention that sets from Kanye West, Jay-Z and Dr. Dre & Snoop Dogg garnered in recent years. Beyoncé & Friends wasn’t unimaginable, either, given whatever she has up her sleeve for the Super Bowl.

But there are a number of other potentially bookable options that are curiously absent, filled instead by headliners with considerable merits yet limited wow factor: the Britpop pairing of Blur and the Stone Roses, what should be a fest-unifying set from Phoenix on Saturday, and ... um ...

Red Hot Chili Peppers.

I don’t enjoy picking on them. They’re an important California band that has made enough enduring music to merit Hall of Fame induction, and they’re great people to boot. Case in point: this gig. I can’t imagine they were first or even fifth choice. Their third Coachella set, following 2003 and 2007, screams last-minute substitution the way Linkin Park’s turn at last month’s Almost Acoustic Christmas show was a blatant fill-in for Green Day.

Who are they replacing? The Rolling Stones, who until late last week, when it was reported negotiations had fallen through, had otherwise seemed a lock to close this one out. It would have been their first U.S. festival appearance since 1969, a feather in organizer Goldenvoice’s cap and more of the legend-summoning that brought classic heavy hitters like Roger Waters, Prince and Paul McCartney to the world-renowned event. (Incidentally, Macca’s son James McCartney makes his Indio debut in April.)

OK, fine, so they didn’t get the Stones. That’s one of those perpetual long-shots, anyway, just like David Bowie, whose absence also should surprise no one, as he’s indicated he has no interest in really playing much at all.

But ... the Chili Peppers? Had they not already played Staples Center recently, then maybe. Mere months after that, however, their inclusion has almost no impact, particularly given other names gearing up for tours this spring: Depeche Mode, who haven’t played the fest since 2006; Nine Inch Nails, not since 2005 (and might they still be a late-announce surprise?); Green Day and Pearl Jam, both of whom have never been to Coachella.

Or how about Adele? Or Beck? Or Dave Grohl's all-star Sound City Players, now that they're in action? Or, if repeats of recent big shows are fair game, why not another round of Mumford & Sons or Coldplay's stunning light show? They're both arguably more relevant and spark wilder enthusiasm than good ol' RHCP.

Then there’s all that space next to Phoenix, which symbolically suggests Daft Punk once sat there, another rumor that appeared verified yet either crapped out in talks or was never intended to happen in the first place. Adding either name to the 2013 poster, the Stones or Daft Punk, lifts the letdown instantly – and though Stones fans won’t understand this, Daft Punk’s loss is probably the deeper bummer for most Coachellans.

Few eagerly-awaited returns truly merit the descriptor rabid; theirs does among a wide swath of the festival’s regulars, who boil over at the thought of once more seeing the robo-costumed stars. Yet for all the chatter lately about EDM taking over the world, it sure doesn’t show in this mix, where Paul Oakenfold ranks lower than the Lumineers. One electro thing that may pack the Sahara dance tent: Dog Blood, a new collaboration between Skrillex and Boys Noize. Otherwise, the solid but unexciting electro choices make me wonder if Goldenvoice isn’t saving better stuff for another EDM-centric weekend in a hopefully expanded festival future.

In light of no DaftPhoenix overload or other surprise, the poster-leading Stone Roses/Blur pairing looks weaker than it should. Both groups are estimable forces in the U.K. and across Europe, where hundreds of thousands of fans flocked to recent reunion performances. But neither band ever cracked America the way Oasis did, and even the Gallaghers couldn't sell out Staples Center last time they were here.

Outside of their fan bases, who would probably fill nights at the 4,000-capacity Palladium were either band to play here individually, most Americans know Blur for one thing: "Song 2," that blast of "woo-hoo" Britpunk you hear at every arena sports event. I also think it’s a fair bet that for all of the Stone Roses’ historical importance to English rock, most Silver Lake hipsters can’t name one of their songs if pressed to.

Personally, that opening Friday will be a trip to Hyde Park I’ve wanted to take for more than a decade, with icing in the afternoon from Smiths guitarist Johnny Marr in a solo set. (Is there any reason why he wouldn’t rejoin Modest Mouse for a tune or three as well?) Maybe I’m underestimating how many people are willing to shell out a hefty sum of cash to make this particular Coachella journey - and how many wealthy Brits there are with nothing better to do. But I still don’t see the BlurRoses drawing massive throngs.

Is it worth the $399 price tag (not counting your lodging or food costs) to join the 80,000 or so who will be there? If it’s within your means, I always vote yes regardless of any initial reservations; once you’re out there everything changes. But I can see this being a hard convincer for some people, or reason to sell their wristbands for others. The whole thing will still sell out, of course, and fast. Just maybe not as fast as last year.

A genuinely wow-inducing lineup would have followed an Anglophile’s dream come true on Friday with a Francophile’s version on Saturday, then paid whatever ungodly sum was necessary to have granddaddies the Stones add some royalty to the finish. You'd think there would have been enough loose change. After all, Goldenvoice took in $47 million from this thing last year, according to Billboard.

Instead, I feel like I’m looking at an unfinished wished-for masterpiece.

(Lastly: Where the bloody hell are Atoms for Peace and Alabama Shakes?!?)

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