It’s strange and sad that a time of such rapid automotive innovation should produce a vehicle fleet ever more homogenous and bland. But compounding regulation drives up development costs, and humanity is falling out of love with the automobile. The people who design and engineer our preferred mode of transport are left serving a diverse number of masters, few of whom properly appreciate cars as machines of soul and romance. What follows is a rundown of the enemies of cars as we know and love them.

↳ Clarence Ditlow
Executive director of the Center for Auto Safety since 1975, Ditlow will never see a car he deems “safe enough.” Formed by Ralph Nader, the CAS has been at the forefront in pushing for vehicle recalls—some justified, others not—since 1970. We’re not going to argue against safe cars, but there’s no way to engineer a vehicle to survive every possible contingency—and trying to do so only makes them larger, heavier, and more expensive. If you’re unbelted and too distracted to avoid running your car into a wall, maybe some shattered bones are a fair reminder of the personal responsibility we all assume when behind the wheel.

↳ Apple, Inc.
Every gadget Apple makes seems to inspire carmakers to marginalize the mechanical in favor of the electronic. Apple is not directly to blame (neither is Microsoft nor Sony nor Samsung), but it’s sucking the joy out of cars. Touch screens, layers-deep climate controls, and inscrutable knobs for increasingly complex media systems distract from the ways a driver should interface with a car: with a firm grip on the wheel; a rear end held in place by a supportive seat; sweetly progressive throttle, brake, and clutch pedals; and a stout shifter in command of the gears in the transmission.

↳ The 1983 Toyota Camry
You should feel the torque coursing through a car’s structure, and the front tires grasping for traction in a turn should translate to tugs and twitches in the steering wheel. A brake pedal should boast all the naked tactility of fingertips on bare skin. A great car should excite the senses, not lull them to sleep. But ever since the appearance of the hyper-refined Toyota Camry 30 years ago, car buyers have expected even ordinary cars to function with seamless anonymity. Damn you, Toyota, for hooking car buyers on the sweet drug of Oxyrefinement.

↳ The Insurance Industry
Cars are expensive, but insuring them is what breaks the bank. Market-research firm IBISWorld says America’s combined premiums tally $178 billion a year. According to one survey, adding a teenage driver to the typical family policy increases premiums by an average of 156 percent. Average. That smothers youthful passion for cars before it gets a chance to express itself. As with automotive safety, insurance isn’t an intrinsically negative concept, but it has been taken to ridiculous extremes. In the long run, if car ownership isn’t affordable, there will be no customers for car insurance.

↳ Light Rail
It’s the public transportation system of the future—that’s forever never coming. So far, L.A.’s new Exposition Line has cost $930 million, and Reason magazine says it’s carrying only 13,000 passengers a day, about half of what was expected. Politicians love projects like this, even if they don’t attract enough riders to pay for themselves and suck up cash that could be used to fix roads or expand bus service. At best, the Exposition Line should recoup its capital costs in 65 years. And your great-grandkids won’t want to ride it, either.