After all this time together, his raging, evil, twisted, latent monster surfaced and left me in total shock! Talking about it to anyone will only make my nightmare worse if he finds out, so I am venting here, anonymously. I have to have somewhere to let it out. I now know he is a narcissist, but what else? bipolar? schizoid? psychotic? schizophrenic? some other mental disorder? I hope someone can help me answer this and find a way to get me out of here!.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Living In a Burnt Tire Lot

When I moved here, one of the things we moved was my 10x20 steel building with lofts. We could not find anyone to move it so we disassembled it for the move. It needed a couple of repairs, then reassembled into our tiny house.

It was the cold of Winter when I officially moved here, and time and weather did not allow to get that all done right off. We had been gifted one of those Portable Garages (Garage-in-a-Box) that came from Harbor Freight. Before I arrived, T L set it up here on his property for us to live in until our Tiny House could be assembled.

There was so much to set back up (farm and business related) all at once and it had turned really cold. We mutually decided and agreed to put the "tent" up in the dogs' big yard so that we didn't have to try to erect and heat several buildings, just one while we worked on getting our house up, then the dogs could have the tent for their own.

Well, that line of thinking was good in principle, but it didn't work that way. I know there have been a lot of questions on this subject and I will answer them all as soon as i can. Today, though, I am going to try to stick to burnt tires.

Here we are, over a year later, still in the same tent, the "house" still in pieces. The only difference is that now it is just me and the dogs in their tent. Right at that one year mark, T L Ogre bailed on us. Temporarily sharing our "tent" in the dogs' space wouldn't have been too bad of an idea, except that what he fenced in for the dogs' yard was an old junk yard! I have never cleaned up so much trash, car parts and bits and pieces of old metal and wire in my life! Even worse than that, though, is that right in the center of that old junk yard is a huge area where old tires had been burnt a few decades back! It covers an huge area inside this yard and that is right where T L Ogre centered our tent!

The Ogre centered it right over the thickest part of the burnt tire yard! I don't know how many tires had been burnt here, but it had to be a mountain of them, judging by what the soil still looks like over 30 years later. T L Ogre didn't own it yet, then, but it was still in the family and T L knew it was here. (Family property that kept getting passed from one member to the other.)

There is no getting rid of this black gunk! It seems to actually get worse the longer I am living in it. It glues itself to everything it touches. The dust is even a black goo. The tent doesn't have a floor, so everything inside of it is gooey black. No matter how much you scrub or dust, it is right back in minutes. Initially, I tried spreading straw around on the floor. I just ended up with black straw while the dust never slowed down. There is no escaping this horrid, nasty, black, gooey, burnt tire dust!

I have been battling this stuff for over a year and it seems to just grow like slime. I go to bed with clean hands and wake up with black hands. It clings to the dogs' fur and glues my hair together. I have lost a lot of my hair to this nasty black stuff! I am now beginning to break out in strange rashes from it. It appears to be dryhing out my skin like nothing I have ever seen and greatly accelerating my wrinkles. My snot is black (and I am sure so are my lungs), what I could up is black, the morning "sleep" in the corners of my eyes is black, many times I pee black and I have a constant tire taste in my mouth. Any time I ever complained, TL just glared. He didn't see anything wrong with it. (It's just dirt.) This can't pissibly be healthy for me or the dogs. I have no doubt but that this burnt tire gunk is contributing to my chronic cough. Even my clothes turn black shortly after I have put them on. Sometimes even before I get them on.

When I finally get to move out of this nasty burnt tire lot, my skin will be a true test and challenge for the skin creams and soaps I have been creating over the years. To get it out of the inside of my body will be a whole other challenge I have no idea for, no clue how to accomplish that.