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Saturday, October 9, 2010

and here we are.

Today's not a great day. Things could be worse, granted. But I'm still going to sulk, pout and cry... just because I can I guess.

My mom left this morning and for the first time since my family's left, we're not sure when we'll see each other again. She doesn't have any Michigan trips planned and we don't have any Florida trips planned (except for Spring Break in March).

I was my mom's chauffeur this morning and we made the rounds through Jackson, saying good byes. It sucked. Plain and simple, it sucked. I don't like seeing my mom upset... or anyone really, so it was just a long morning with lots of tears.

I think the worst part of day was by far, dealing with Maeve and her feelings. She's a smart three year old... when she hears talk of "airplanes or airports" she knows what's coming. The ENTIRE drive up to Detroit she was trying to confirm her place on the plane. "I go to FLORIDA!!! YEA!!!" My mom would try to tell her that "nana" had to go be with poppa, Maeve said "YEAH! POPPA!" It was just heartbreaking.

I kept my giant sunglasses on to catch my dripping mascara. We said our goodbyes and I shut the door so I wouldn't have to hear her say bye to Maeve.

For about 30 minutes Maeve screamed at the top of her lungs that she had lost her nana. Around Chelsea or so, she finally fell asleep.

When we got home I told Ryan I just needed a minute in the shower ALONE. He got it, and took over with the kids.

That's where I had my full out, ugly cry. I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I miss my sisters and brothers. I miss our old house. I miss the studio. I miss the simplicity that used to be. I'm sad that my little brothers are having such a hard time adjusting to life. I'm sad that my little sister is alone in south Florida, and not happy. I'm sad that my mom and dad have had to see the entire family dissipate.

Ryan and I have since talked, and we made a pact- (like Ryan said the words "I give you my word"... cheesy:) that we will not be residents of Michigan past August 1st of 2011. I know I've said that before, but it feels good typing it. Its like I'm putting on the record.

SO... here we are, life carries on as "normal" tomorrow. I am not looking forward to explaining 3000 times where "nana" went and why we can't go to Florida. I'm just tired... really, really tired.