Sharon Osbourne , a little rusty on the rules, thought that when she got the Over 25s she didn’t have to select them from the singers who’d made it through to Bootcamp, but just anyone in the world who was over 25. There was only one man she wanted.

“Chico, we’re back in! Just get a flight, Simon will pay for it. Of course we can try it with the maracas!”

(Photo: Rex)

Gary shoves a chip into his mouth and looks up. Louis’s bowling over, still drunk on the excitement of getting the Boys instead of the Groups or Overs like usual . And who would blame him if he was in the partying mood as well as drunk on the excitement of it all....? This is his last series, and if you can’t get tiddly on your tenth series, when can you?

“You’re like a little Gary Barlow!” he shouts, pointing at Gary Barlow.

“I am Gary Barlow,” says Gary Barlow.

“Exactly!” says Louis.

Then he heads over to his table - followed by all of Westlife and Boyzone plus Jedward, because who can stop him having all of them along to help? Did you not hear him say that this is his LAST SERIES? He’s Louis Walsh, and this is his LAST SERIES .

“Can I really have them all along?” Louis had asked himself when he first came up with the idea. But really he had his answer ready: “A million per cent yes!”

Suddenly the door swings open, and Nicole walks in . She’s in a Primark onesie (not even an ironic one) and her slippers. When she got the phone call telling her that whole ‘Who wore it best’ ridiculousness she normally partakes in was out this year, because it’s disrespectful to make Sharon Osbourne stand around with her hands on her hips in Topshop dresses, she took the news well.

“Shermazing!” she said, and Louis told her that her catchprases were crap and the pun didn’t even work. Yeah that’s Louis this series - all about the home truths. Word is that he’s heading round to Brian Friedman’s house after filming to discuss that whole ‘nicking his place on the judging panel’ thing, and Jedward and Kian from Westlife are coming as back-up.

“IT’S CHICO TIME!” screams Sharon, ostensibly to no-one, and Nicole has no idea what she’s on about, but nods politely.

“Schambolic,” Nicole mutters as she heads over to get Jedward’s ‘autographs’ (phone numbers).

“YOUR PUNS DON’T MAKE SENSE,” Louis shouts after her.

She looks to Brian McFadden for reassurance, but he just nods sadly in agreement with Louis.

“Guys, guys, guys, can we all just...” says Gary Barlow, but Louis is right up in his grill, and tells him that a man who thought Christopher Maloney had talent is not allowed an opinion ever again.