Monday, April 14, 2008

DC One Million

Inspired by yesterday's talk about my Top Ten Comic Book Runs, I wanted to articulate why DC One Million is the best crossover ever.

In the middle of Grant Morrison's landmark JLA run, he was given full control of practically every title he wanted and he set in motion a ginormous crossover about the DC universe in the future. Imagining if Action Comics got to the millionth issue, in the 853rd century, we take a look at the JLA of that era, which is full of JLA analogues, but with the glaring exception of the Martian Manhunter... apparently he went missing.... Anyway, they've come to the 21st century to bring the current JLA to the future for fun and games to honour the prime Superman's return from the middle of the sun. But when they get to the future, the 853rd century Hourman infects the entire world with a techno-organic virus, and everybody's stuck in the wrong year.

Okay, so one of the reasons why this is so good is because it's so complex. I'm going to try and explain the plot without too much detail. I'm definitely going to spoil the entire thing though, so if you've never read it, don't go any further.

The prime Superman went into the sun to recuperate from battles with Solaris, a living computer that's also a sun. Solaris is the Justice Legions' most terrible enemy, but has been reduced to compliance thanks to the Legions' efforts.

Okay, here goes. In the 21st century, the future Starman betrays the JLA and Justice Legions to steal a piece of Kryptonite that Solaris in the future will kill Superman with when he emerges from the Sun. Solaris also infected Hourman with the virus that stops Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern and Aquaman from returning from the future. Vandal Savage, in the 21st century has fired nuclear missiles at Washington, but the virus makes them explode at Montevideo, killing millions.

The Justice Legion Alpha and the remaining JLA in the 21st century realize that the only way to stop the virus is to build the appropriate hardware, which is Solaris. Yes, they invent Solaris because of a virus invented by Solaris. Still with me?

In the future, Vandal Savage and Solaris pick up the kryptonite on Mars left by future Starman in the past. Savage stole time travel gauntlets from his greatest enemy, Chronos, aka Walker Gabriel, but he and the Resurrection Man sabotaged them, sending Savage back in time to when the nuclear missiles hit Montevideo. Ouch.

Solaris kills thousands of superheroes in a last ditch effort to fire the kryptonite into the sun and the 21st century JLA are pretty much sh*t out of luck. In the past, the current JLA realizes the only way the defeat Solaris in the future is to plant the tools with which to beat him in the past, essentially a time capsule.

So, fast forward to the 853rd century, and it turns out that the Martian Manhunter, who has been conspicuously absent in the future, is actually the Martian desert, and when the Resurrection Man and Savage fight, J'onn comes alive and gives him the kryptonite - which isn't kryptonite at all, they pulled a switcheroo!!!! It's actually the f*$%ing Power Ring from the past! WHAT??!?!?!?!? Yeah. The ring gets shot into the Sun, cause Solaris thinks it's the kryptonite, and the prime Superman gets ahold of it. He and Kyle Rayner make Solaris go supernova and end of story. The JLA go back in time, tell the 21st century JLA how to defeat Solaris and then they put the pieces in place to defeat him in the future.

OH MY GOD that's confusing. I don't even know if that makes sense. Whatever. It's the best time travel story ever because of the tiny tiny tiny details, including the Power Ring and J'onn Jonzz, and they're all set up so perfectly. There's no paradoxes and the time stream doesn't change and everything happens linearly, but the story is told in a different order. It's the greatest thing ever. There's definitely more to the story that I'm leaving out, including all the fun future details, and all the stories set in the future, so it's totally worth seeking it out and reading it. I did most of that summary from memory, and typing it makes me want to read it right now. Okay bye.

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This is a blog by me that's pretty much for me as I have no readers. I try and write things and think critically about stuff. I am totally embarrassed by the quality of writing and thinking from 2013 and earlier.