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Saturday, 28 March 2015

Vote 'n' Laff

After we cast our votes today, we will be invariably stuck pretty much in doors for the rest of the day. Worry not #smiles#, I pray am able to lighten and spice up your day with my not so hilarious gists…. Oya grab guguru ready for me, lol.Before I got admission into school, I was running a phone booth/recharge or call centre. Hmmnn, the things my eyes saw while running that phone booth is enough experience for me in life from armed robbery as in 2 guys holding better gun pointed at my chest yes I said better gun ‘cos I felt the coolness of the metal pistol resting on my chest to thief sales girls I employed so I could take JAMB lessons and the plenty advances from men (married and singles) of all ages with one as old as 75 telling me he wants to marry me and change my world , Eweleee!

So one of these men happens to own a cement shop and he has a beautiful wife and seven children. This man was promising heaven and earth just for one night abi day. He literally off my clothes with his eyes each time he comes by to buy recharge card. One day, he called for me to bring him some cards. I went to his shop and saw him and his wife sitting side by side.

’Erm, my daughter come send glo N2000 to my daughter in school.”

“Ok ma.”

“Honey please give her Sonia’s number so she can send the card through text on her phone.”

Her husband started reciting the daughter’s number to me slowly by heart why I typed all the while giving me that predatory look like a lion that has set eyes on a fat goat with his stupid smiles I detested more than his face, unknown to his wife. He recited the number again and I punched in the recharge pin on my phone and sent to the daughter. He paid me my money and told me to dial the daughter’s number so he could confirm if she had received it. He recited the number once more to me, I dialed and gave him the phone when it started ringing.

“Put it on speaker,” he said and I reasoned he must have wanted his wife to hear the daughter’s voice when she will be thanking them for the card they sent.

“Sonia have you received the card?” the man hollered.

“Oh Oga na you send card come my phone?” a gruff male voice answered on the other end of the line.

“God go bless you ohhh,” and click the line went dead.

The man immediately took the handset from me to check if I got the number right and yes it was the number he recited to me. Then he checked the daughter’s number on his contacts and found out he mistakenly mixed up the last number. Quickly he told me to dial the number again and the wrong number guy said he has already loaded the cards and wouldn’t send it back and he warned the man not to call him again.

Chai! His wife started raining shouts on him in their dialect as she told me to send another card, the man was just mute there in his seated position, head bowed. Ohh won’t your eyes rigmaroll on my body again? I thought silently with a smirk on my face. The wife paid me a second time and I left. I don’t know what happened afterwards between him and his wife oo, whether she didn’t give him food to eat or suffer him with the other food oo but from that day that man never gave me those hungry crocodile looks again and never talked about those one night stand…….kikikikiki, Lolzzzzzzzzzz

Another, one day, I and my roommates were bored in the school hostel, so we started reading comments from Linda Ikeji’s blog, some very funny comments were coming from some persons that commented under anonymous and the next thing one of my roommates said was,

“Ohh anonymous is been commenting in the whole post, he nor go use laff kee person.”