From shameless adulterers to advocates for brain-rattling violence, there's never been a better time for jackass coaches. Presenting the best of the worst

Modern star athletes are plucked from the masses
practically before puberty,
bathed in the spotlight
throughout adolescence,
pushed through the
American fame machine
like so much pink slime.
If they emerge at the other
end with the impression
that the normal rules of
society do not apply
to them, well, it's easy
to understand why.

But what in holy heck
is going on with head
coaches? These, after all,
are nominally fully grown
adults. When did they start
acting like the last men
unbound by law, be it moral,
ethical, or institutional?

There are countless
examples—many of them
collected here—but perhaps
none better than that of
Arkansas's Bobby Petrino,
who gave his 25-year-old
mistress a job and then rode
around Greater Fayetteville,
an area in which he is by
far the most recognizable
citizen, on a motorcycle,
helmetless, with the young
lady perched on the back.
This evokes Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, repeatedly
committing suicide in an
attempt to test whether he
is, in fact, a god.

What we're talking about
is hubris in something close
to its precise classical sense.
Coaches, operating in a
system that values absolute
power, have, perhaps
reasonably, come to believe
that that power extends
just as absolutely outside
the locker room. Thus their
Olympian puzzlement when
upbraided for behavior that
would give presidents and
billionaires pause.
It's enough to make you
pity the poor athletes who
work for them.