daughter playing with her private parts

Faye - posted on 06/27/2016
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Hi as any one out there had problems with there daughter rubbing her self as my daughter first started this when she was little every time we put her in a trolly then gradually she stopped it she is now 7 and it has been happening at school and I've had many phone calls saying she has a problem . I have spoken about it to her and she gets very up set by it I told her she is not to do this at school I have seen threads on this subject and it has happened with other parents and there children but I need support as the school now have sent me a letter saying they are going to get social sevice involved as they think somthing else is wrong I'm so upset about this any support would be of help thanks faye

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Sarah - posted on 06/27/2016

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As a school nurse, I get reports of this occasionally and usually I am the one to talk to the parents. First at 7, if she is doing this because it feels good and for no other reason she can learn to not do it in inappropriate places. For a few kids I have encountered, it is sort of a self soothing behavior and often the child does it without realizing. Starting with a gentle conversation at home, explain that it is ok to do this but only in private; formulate a simple code word for the teachers to say to call her attention to her actions without embarrassing her in front of her peers. Maybe even just have the teacher tap her shoulder. Before that you need to investigate if there is an issue like a UTI, yeast infection or even a hygiene issue that is making her vaginal area itchy. I had one student at 8 who had little bits of toilet paper stuck to her labia and once she was properly clean, never had a problem again. If she is particularly upset by the issue, then I would start to wonder if there has been any abuse. Awful to even consider, but you have to go into every situation with your eyes wide open .

It could be discomfort due to a physical problem, which is why I mentioned a doctor. If it is not that, then it is time to sit down and explain to your daughter that, while there is nothing wrong with touching any part of your body, it is impolite to do it in public. Teach her about privacy and appropriate behavior in public, versus private, healthy and normal behavior. It may be embarrassing for her, but that does not mean you have to stop talking about it. So long as the conversation is around her health you need to have that discussion.

I know it is hard, but try not to be upset with the school. They are dedicated to your daughter being safe. It is a good thing. It may seem intrusive to you, but there are children who are sexually abused in the home, and it is up to the school to have any and all red flags investigated. The good thing about this is that you can take the opportunity to open the doors of communication with your daughter.

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Sarah - posted on 06/28/2016

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I agree with Nadine, that the school really does have your child's safety in mind. Remember they called you and have given you time to help your daughter figure this out when they technically could have gone straight to CPS when the behavior continued.

Thankyou everyone for your comments I've been and had a chat with the doctors this morning and they want me to take her in just to rule out any infections . I am still so angry over this in what the school are doing but I've been told not to get stressed over it . It's so hard not to I'm very protective over my children. I lost my first daughter 12yrs ago when she was only 6 to cancer and I'm still not over it , and just recently lost my brother aswell . Then now all of this to contend with my daughter Im just Herting so much inside just won't it all to go away is hard enough for me to keep going every day and keeping my family happy I don't often share this as I have to try to stay strong but deep down I'm not . Thankyou everyone for your support.

Hi Faye - I know this must be very upsetting, especially given the school's response, but try not to panic. The more calmly you can approach this issue, the better for everyone - especially your daughter.

I do agree it would be good to discuss this with your daughter's pediatrician. The doctor is probably very familiar with this issue and might have some great advice for you. In the meantime, here's an article with some information that might help: http://bit.ly/28YvUpW

Hi when I ask her she says she don't no what she is doing wrong and then get up set and cries and tells me to stop talking about it my other 2 children have never done this so I just don't no. I have a meeting with the doctors tomorrow I'm confused Ive Googled this and seen that other parents have been in the same situation

for got about that need to know if what put on twitter afacting u also if u are worried about me dont calling it off never ben a r t didnt know how elese to het to u as for her didnt know u reiched out to her those she know u ?