Tuesday, December 9, 2008

yeah I know I've pretty much been MIA to this blog. But I'm good. I'm grinding. Doing a bunch of stuff that has to get done before the end of the year. And I'm in my second home state right now so the partying is in FULL EFFECT. I'm finally realizing that the shit I want in life is not gonna be handed to me. And once I'm done with this school shit, its poppin...life that is. Also I'm in party planning mode because Winter break is among us and all my friends are looking to me to have a good time. And I will not disappoint.

HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA...LMAO...Oh yeah, my half-baked project is still in effect. Now I see how people lose so much weight from smoking weed. In the beginning you will probably eat everything in sight and I found out from one of my textbooks it is because something in the weed lowers your blood sugar and therefore makes you extrememly hungry. But after you smoke for a while, you eventually will not be hungry and cannot eat unless you smoke first. Its weird. Ive heard stories of this happening to people, but it never made sense to me because I usually get instantly hungry after I smoke. Well enough about weed...

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Today I experienced something I never had before. Being stopped by the police and having my car searched. I was in the midst of taking my nephews to go see their grandmother when I was pulled over. I felt that it was about to happen as soon as I saw the police car, so I was not scared or nervous or anything.

Policeman comes to the car and does the usual, asking a million questions. Then he asks me one question...

Cop: "Do you have any marijuana in this car?"

Me: "No"

Cop: "This car has a strong smell of marijuana. Have you been smoking"

Me: "No"

Then he says Okay, and goes to his car. He comes back and asks me to step out of the car so he can ask me a question.

Cop: "Have you been smoking marijuana"

Me: "No."

Cop: "My concern are your nephews. Your car smells of marijuana. So I'm going to give you two tests that will determine if you've been smoking or not"

He does the tests, and at this point, I turn around and notice that he has called another cop for backup, and makes me perform the last test again. for the other cop..

Cop: "I'm going to ask you this again. Have you been smoking?

Me: "No. I just left work."

Other Cop: "Listen, just save yourself some time and trouble and tell us where the weed is. He smells it in your car, and he always finds it if he smells it. Either you can give us the weed, or we can take you downtown and perform a blood test to determine if you've been smoking or not."

Me: "Did I fail the test or something"

Other Cop: "Yes, you indicated to us that you are under the influence of marijuana"

Me: "how?"

Cop: "Because your eyes flickered"

Me: (blank stare)

Other Cop: "Where is the weed at? He is going to search your car now tell him where he can find the weed"

Me: "You can look but you will not find any weed in my car"

So the cop searches my car, with my nephews in the car, and DOES NOT find any weed.

Cop: "Im going to let you off with a warning for speeding. For some reason your car smells of marijuana. There was alot of marijuana in this car at one time. I saw an airfreshner under the seat. Most people use those to hide the smell of something. But since I didn't find anything you can go.

At this point, I walked the fuck off mad as hell, got in my car, and sped the fuck off.

FIRST of all my car DID NOT smell like weed AT ALL. Second of all, I always keep my car air freshners under my seat because I can still smell them without having to look at them. Third, there was never a large amount of weed in my car. Fourth, when the fuck did somebody develop a test to see if somebody was high. Normally a motherfucker LOOKS high, so if I was high, he would have been able to tell off top.

And that other cop was so fucking rude, it took everything I had in me not to curse that bitch out. All in my face talking about, "JUST TELL HIM WHERE THE WEED IS" I am so BEYOND MAD right now because this just happened about 5:00. And I dont even remember their badge numbers or their names.

And to add to that, my friend got pulled over yesterday and searched for weed. A girl. And the other night, my friends and I got pulled over when I was taking one of my cousins friends home. That cop was pleasant. My brake light was out and he let us go with a warning. But these cops today is the reason why black people DO NOT cooperate with cops. And add to the fact that they were white, makes me even more mad. I cannot hardly express the amount of anger I have right now. Like I can't even put it into words. All I can do is describe the situation.

Monday, November 10, 2008

"well we better free our minds and recoginze the real. he is one man and although he sounded good and this is historic, america has to want to change, not to mention many of us negro comfortable up in here. i just hope the red states dont take us back pre 1960"

I have heard so many people just simply talking about Obama in normal conversation. This weekend, my friend had a bday party, and a circle of guys were smoking weed and talking about Obama. I thought it was beautiful.

I don't think Obama is going to change the world. I know that real change is only gonna come when people, individually and collectively, decide to change. I really like Obama because he knows that too. He is always telling people to not only believe in his ability to change Washington, but our ability as well.

I don't think that on January 20th my life is going to immediately get better. In fact, I think it will probably be near the end of Obama's 1st 4 year term before we see any real significant signs of change. I learned that hard times for the economy comes in cycles. We experience a rise in economy, then a boom, then a fall. With Clinton, the economy was falling, but its when Bush got into office, and the decisions he made, that put us into a recession, damn near depression. So thats about 16 years of work that Obama is going to have to reverse. He's not a miracle worker, he is just the President. But I believe he is going to be a great president. A historic president, if not for all times, especially for these times. And he is black, so when I tell my children they can be whatever they want to be, I really mean it.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

That is the only word that I can use to describe what it means for me to have Barack Obama as the 44th President of the United States of America...

My President is Black!! I can't say it enough...

Yesterday, as I was pulling into the place where I would be voting, I started tearing up out of nowhere. I think it really hit me that what I was doing was going to be apart of history. As I am typing this I am tearing up because it is just beautiful that FINALLY, FINALLY, we seem to be moving forward as a nation.

I could not bare to even watch the election results as they unfolded but luckily through Facebook I was kept up to date with the election and when I received a phone call from my friend screaming on the other end, I knew. And I immediately let out a sigh of relief. I had been holding my breath all day for Obama. And to watch his speech last night was Amazing. I wish I could have been there. The look on his face was beautiful, his wife's face, his kids faces, the people's faces, BEAUTIFUL.

I will admit that I never followed Obama throughout the campaign. I went to an Obama Rally but that was more of a it just happened type thing. And last night was the first time I actually sat down and watched Obama speak. It was Beautiful.

I will say this about McCain though, the part of his speech where he acknowledged that Obama winning was a historic and joyous occassion for African Americans was nice of him. At least he recognizes that. But I don't think he really understands. I didn't really understand until about two days ago how important this is. When I saw the status' on facebook and myspace about Obama, the pictures of the celebrations people had, it was just Beautiful. I literally tear up every single time I think about it. I can't say it enough- BEAUTIFUL.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I turned to Channel 11 thinking I was going to watch Jeopardy at 7 pm, and I saw exactly what I've been avoiding ALL DAY...

Election talks...results...it was Obama 3, McCain 8, when I turned to the channel. And I tried to watch it but after I saw that only 22% of Virginia's African American population voted, I couldn't bare to watch anymore. Only 22%??? Really? My people, My People. And will be the first ones complaining if something went terribly wrong and Obama doesn't become president.

I can't watch it. I'm too anxious to find out who is going to win that I'd rather just hear the results than to watch them as they unfold. Its too much for me. Because if Barack Obama does not win, I will be so hurt. It won't seem real. He has to win. He is the obvious winner. Please don't let me down America. Lets do something right for once. Just this once.

Monday, October 27, 2008

That was the date of my last post. I'm slacking HARD. But I have reason. I've been busy as hell. Between Schoolwork, Working, Buying Dress Clothes (that I am going to be re-imbursed for YAY), and chillin with friends, I haven't hardly been on the computer at all.

Nothing big to update. I've still been on my Half Baked project. Going well. Have you ever been so tired where you couldn't even keep your eyes open? I never have until last Saturday. Being tired on weed, is totally different from just being tired.

HALLOWEEN is Friday, and I haven't gotten ANYTHING for my costume. That is so not me. I usually have my entire costume, down to the smallest accessory about 2 weeks ago. So I'm definitely gonna be scrounging around trying to piece everything together by Thursday.

Speaking of Thursday, Im suppose to go to Maryland. But I found out yesterday that one of my bitches is having her birthday party celebration this Saturday. I don't want to miss it even though I know she won't mind because I been talking about going to Maryland for Halloween. But I'm going to feel bad for missing it. But I wanna go to Maryland for a couple of reasons...WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO??? Well I gotta decide by Wednesday at the latest. (sigh) Decisions, Decisions...

Then on top of that, I'm SICK. Like so sick I couldn't even sleep last night. My eye is swollen. I look and feel like Shit. But I HAVE TO BE BETTER BY FRIDAY!!!!! So the orange juice, apple juice, medicine, tea, and all that good stuff is in full effect.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

I don't know anything about Wordpress but I always liked the sleekness of it. So I guess this blog will become my writing blog since I usually write more on here anyway. Speaking of writing, I have a draft to one of my books finished. Well more like a blueprint. I wrote the introduction, and have the outline of the book. Now I have to get into graphic design mode and see what I can pull together for my illustrations. My drawing skills are okay, if I'm doing 2-d things. Shading and all that other stuff is another story. But I should be fine. Now my novel I was writing is still on 8 pages since about 2 years ago. I just found it the other day, and I think I'm going to just write a few pages a day off the top of my head to get the ideas out and pick and choose which way I want it to go. If I could channel and focus my creative energy I would be great.

I have to write a 500 word essay, which is really more like a paragraph to me, but I can't focus AT ALL. The topic is interesting enough, and I know I can knock this out in no time, but I can't focus AT ALL. I'm doing everything else but what I should be. As much as I try to get my mind on school, I just can't. Good thing I'm smart and don't really have to try so hard to do this work or I'd really be a failure.

I don't know why guys ask you this question because they don't want to know the real answer. And no matter how you answer its gonna be problems.

First Scenario

Guy: How many guys have you had sex with?Girl: Ummm...Guy: Damn that many where you don't know off top.

Second Scenario

Guy: How many guys have you had sex with?Girl: Probably like 20Guy: Damn. Thats alot.

Third Scenario:

Guy: How many guys have you had sex with?Girl: Just 5Guy: You can tell me the truth. I know its more than 5.Girl: Naw, just 5, including you.Guy: Whatever.

I've noticed that most guys expect girls to have slept with alot of guys, but they don't really want you to admit to it if you have. And if you haven't, they don't believe you. But I tell people all the time that its more about how long you've been having sex and the number of people you have had sex with.

Lets say I've been having sex since I was in the 8th grade, and its been about 9 years since then and Ive had about 20 sexual partners. That means I'm only averaging about 2-3 new people I've had sex with each year, which is almost nothing in comparison. But saying 2-3 people a year sounds better than outright saying 20. Or even better than saying last year I messed with only 3 people but the year before I messed with like 10. See the average makes it better.

So whenever guys ask me that question, I tell them the first time I've had sex, and then how many people after that. And I usually get the same response...

Guy: Damn, you doing better than me. I've been having sex since middle school and have fucked more than 100 girls now.

You can't lose with my strategy. Unless your average is high as hell, but even then it shouldn't matter how many you people you have sex with, as long as you are smart about it.

I was reading an interview snippet from Essence magazine where Beyonce talks about the tattoos her and Jay-Z got instead of the typical wedding ring. (Which Im sure she also got too.). She talked about how wedding rings are just material and they are silly.

But I agree. I don't even like wearing rings, at least not for extended periods of time. I don't even like wearing jewelery besides earrings, unless I'm going out. So I think I will get a band tattooed around my finger when I get married. Or some type of mutual symbol that my husband and I decide on. Thats more me than some wedding ring that will probably get me in trouble because I will never want to wear it.

Okay, so for the duration of my Half Baked Project I'm going to just write down all the "new" things I've experienced ON WEED...LMAO. That never gets old.

-Well first of all, I wore this scarf around my head yesterday. Not like my hair was wrapped, but around it like a headband. And I went into these two stores, one that I go into all the time, and one that I've never been to. And both guys working at the two different stores tried to holla at me. The first guy was fat, he stinks, and he creeps me out. I walked to get a juice and he just followed me, getting all in my personal space. And the other guy knows my friend and he was talking to her about me like I wasn't even standing right there. Asking my friend where was I from, was I from around here, why he hasn't seen me before, do I have a boyfriend, all these questions but I was standing RIGHT THERE. My friend and I came to the conclusion that it was the scarf that made them think I was one of them, Arab. (To be politically incorrect I'm sure).

-Played Cards. And it was crazy because I was so high I couldn't count the cards to see if all of them were in the deck. And then I tried to get my friend to count them, and she couldn't do it either. Every time we counted, we was unsure of whether we counted it right. And we laughed. Plus the card design looked very psychedelic, and it was fucking with my mind.

-Watched Top Model. And it was hilarious. Way more funny than usual.

-Watched 90210. And it seemed more real than it usually does. Well some parts of it. They still talk to each other weird but as far as the action of the episode, it was great.

-Went to the Grocery Store and my friend and I bought a box of cereal a piece and some biscuits. LOL. And it was like 10:55, the store closes at 11, and the manager was looking at us weird and finally said, "Yall must be having a good night to come all the way to the store to get some cereal and biscuits at 11." LMAO.

I will be continuing my research today. I'm going to a party tonight. Should be fun.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

I've been narrowing down my costume choices. And I cannot decide what I want to be for Halloween. This is serious business for me. I have always loved Halloween because it is one day where I can dress up and be somebody else. No restrictions, I can be as weird as I want, sexy as I want, goofy-looking as I want. The more outrageous the better. I LOVE IT...

Previous Halloweens I was a devil, schoolgirl, and Harajuku Girl. This year I want to do something different. Be something different. But since I'm going out to the club or maybe a concert that night, I don't really wanna wear anything extensive. So I have narrowed it down to a few things...

Lady Cop (My mother wants me to be this just because of the Lil Wayne Song LOL)

Flapper

Egyptian Queen

Pilot

Construction Girl (think Heidi from Tool Time, expect I'm not tryna wear Tims in the club)

Wednesday Addams (the more sexed up version)

Thats all I got for now. I'm leaning more towards the Cop, and Wednesday Addams but I saw some Flapper costumes today that would be so cute. I may even do a day costume and then a night costume. Since I don't think walking around half naked would go well for a day time look. But either, Im too excited. I can't wait.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

I borrowed "Half-Baked" from my brother and everytime I watch it, I realize how much I love it. And the part of the movie where they describe the different types of smokers, I relate to the one played by Jon (I can't think of his last name). They type his character as an enhancement smoker who believes that everything is better when you're "on weed."

Have you ever watched Pulp Fiction?...Well have you ever watched Pulp Fiction ON WEED??

LMAO...Don't quote me. But I think I am an enhancement smoker with a slight case of the Hungry/I'm sleepy smoker. But I find myself thinking and looking at things very differently when I have been smoking. N.E.R.D talks about seeing sounds but when I listen to music when Im high, I feel like Im seeing sounds. Not literally seeing things, but I can listen, and actually hear EVERYTHING. And zone out on the music, and just listen.

Also everyday things seem much better. The appeal of things on TV increases dramatically when I'm high although I find myself just laughing at shit because it usually makes no sense at all. Commercials are more funny, and then ones like "I am made of gold" become pure hysteria to me. Talking with friends when you're high is fun. I'm not a real heavy smoker, in fact, I really only smoke with a few people and very recently I just started letting those people look at me while I smoked. I used to go into another room or hide my face because I don't think the image of a girl smoking is cute, in any form or fashion. So I tell people that while I don't mind you knowing I smoke, seeing me smoke is another issue. They can say they know that I smoke but they can't say that they've ever seen me smoke. And very few people have ever actually seen me smoke.

Sidetracked...But I really do believe that being high can make alot of situations more interesting. TMI moment approaching...Also when I'm high, I get horny. This is my pattern of highness.

SmokeZone OutGet HungryGet Horny(and lately)Go to Sleep

I don't know what it is but you know how some people say Alcohol makes you horny, well weed does it for me. Like after I smoke, I literally just wanna fuck. Reminds me of the Lil wayne song...

"I don't know about yall, but I'm really really fucked up, no more liquor in my cup, I guess its time for us to, time for us to, time for us to fuck..."

Yeah pretty much, minus the liquor, add the weed. TMI I know. Sorry. Alcohol just makes me crunk and the after effects (hangovers) are enough for me to think about quitting drinking forever. But usually just think about it, never actually do it. I am a social drinker but I think the longest time I have gone without drinking was a Terrible Everclear experience that stopped my drinking cold turkey for about 2.5 months, which is great, considering.

Okay, I've been sidetracked, but what I have come to say is I am embarking on a research project of my own for about 2 months where I will try and experience things ON WEED, lol. Normal everyday fun things that I enjoy and would probably have a more enhanced experience if I were ON WEED. Such as the movies, Saw 5 (?)...

I have not been outside my house since Sunday, and I don't have even the slightest urge to step outside.

Birth Control costs me $30 a pack. I could get it for free from the clinic but they can't fit me in for an appointment until the end of the month. So I've been off my BC for the past month.

But I haven't been having sex, which is another dilemma in itself.

I need some surplus money because I need some new clothes.

My textbooks won't be getting here for another couple of days, and I need to do my assignments ASAP.

I owe my aunt $850 and I can pay her back this month, I just don't want to. I never have any surplus money and as soon as I get some, I have to give it back. Life.

My mother's car died so she has to use mine now, which leaves me without one. Which is why I've turned into a lazy bum. And I just realized today that if I wanted to just up and leave for a week or two, I can't anymore. Sad.

Rehab -I've never really partied at a club where the majority of the people were white. But I LOVED it. Its a completely different scene but still fun nonetheless. One advantage of partying with white people is you can do anything in the club and it won't matter because everbody in there is doing something ridiculous looking and they don't give a fuck. I saw guys dropping it, shimmying, and a couple ferociously making out for at least 15 minutes on the dance floor. I went to the bathroom and there was a girl in there bleeding to death because somebody dropped a beer bottle on her foot. And all I remember her saying is "I promise I don't have AIDS" LMAO.

Jurnee Smollet- She was extremely crunk. She walked into the room and immediately started dancing. She dropped it to the floor, started krumping and did the Cupid Shuffle. Very nice fun girl. I love seeing celebrities in this manner. It brings them back to life for me.

Sleepy Weed-Ever smoked some weed and immediately got sleepy? I've experienced smoking and then immediately getting hungry but not sleepy. It was Friday night, still fairly early, and all we wanted to do was go to sleep.

21st Birthday Party-One of my favorite cousins turned 21. A few highlights. Cheddar bay biscuits, shots of patron, platinum, Gucci, Surprise Bday party, throw up in the living room and bathroom floor, people throwing up on each other, cupcake frosting all over EVERYTHING, a couple having a very intimate argument showcased to a room full of people, real talk discussions, falling asleep under the bed, losing a shoe, the list goes on...SEVERE HANGOVER THE NEXT DAY

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Okay so this weekend, I met an old flame and missed my chance to rekindle. blah blah blah. But then I got to see him the next day, and realized why our flame was put out in the first place. Friday night he was SO DIFFERENT from what I remembered him to be. He said some stuff to me that was WAY out of his character. And since I haven't seen him in so long, I thought maybe he had changed. It was weird, I kept looking at him trying to figure out if he was drunk or something because THAT was not him.

But then Saturday, we meet up and a switch in conversation revealed why he was acting "different" the night before. So I was rubbing on his head and his chest and stuff, nothing major. I used to do it all the time because he hated it and I was doing it just to annoy him. He never liked for me to feel on him because he is skinny and he claims I have nothing to touch. But I like skinny guys, so it was cool. So as I'm rubbing on him he says...

Him: "Are you rolling?"

Me: "No. I don't pop pills"

Him: "You know when you rollin, you wanna feel and touch everything"

Now granted I was a little drunk and possibly high, But I was NOT Rollin...

Me: "Naw I don't pop pills, I'm too scared for that"

Him: "Oh. I was rollin last night. My boy gave me a ex pill and I took it. It took me like an hour to get home last night I was so fucked up, especially after I smoked."

Now when he said this it all hit me.

Me: "So thats why you was saying all that stuff to me last night that was so not you. I knew something was wrong with your ass. I thought you was drunk but you was too calm to be drunk, and a little too happy happy joy joy to be high."

Him: "Yeah I was Fucked up"

Okay, I'll just end the conversation there. He was completely sober that second night and he was acting just like the person I remembered. And it took me right back to why I stopped talking to him in the first place. We would never get anywhere in a relationship. He is not boyfriend material for me even though I think he is the sweetest guy I've ever talked to. So my thoughts of rekindling an old flame are over. Whew!!! that was fast huh? lol

Saturday, September 20, 2008

To rekindle with an old flame. I had the chance. It was RIGHT THERE in my face last night. I mean RIGHT THERE. Like I literally had the ball in my court and what do I do? I DROP IT. Well maybe not dropped it, but more like how in Love & Basketball when the girl was punished for keeping her hand up after making the shot. I was blinded by something else that I completely let him slip away. DAMN DAMN DAMN...

Good thing about it is that I have a way to get back in touch with him. I guess. I have his number but Im not the calling type. So I don't know how that is gonna work. MAN, I kinda regret last night but it may have been for the good. I kinda played the "I still kinda like you, but I'm not on your shit" role. But I'm not sure if thats how it was interpreted by him. He probably thought I didn't give a fuck. Oh well, we will see what happens tonight. Wish me luck.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

"Both Latinas and African Americans women are more likely than white women to work in service occupations such as private household workers. Although private household work has become less common among African American women in the last two decades..."

It made me think about the time I was looking for a job and someone at Career Services at my school suggested that I apply for one of the numerous housekeeper jobs located throughout the town where my school is located. The conversation went something like this...

Counselor: "There are alot of housekeeper positions that you could apply for."

Me: "Housekeeper, as in maid?"

Counselor: "Well....yes."

Me: (laugh) naw thats aight. I'll just starve.

I was NOT that desparate for a job, and I never will be. She must have been crazy if she thought I was gonna be cleaning up after some white people everyday. She must have never heard the details of slavery. I refuse to partake in any slave-like activities. Martin Luther King fought too hard for me to be working as a maid in some white persons house.

I need some motivation TERRIBLY. I'm not behind, I'm just not ahead as I had planned to be. (sigh) Guess some things never change. I can't seem to get into my schoolwork. I can do it, no problem. I just don't seem to care about it. And all my classes are interesting enough to me where I find myself reading more than I have to. I probably could sit down and read my textbooks in one sitting, thats how interesting the classes are.

However, I can't seem to get into the idea of due dates, doing discussion board postings, studying for quizzes, and all that other "extra" stuff that comes along with taking classes. I so wish I could just learn for the sake of learning. I'd probably do much better. Because learning for tests only make me do just that--learn just enough for the test. I think after I get my degree, I'm going to continue to take classes, but I may just audit them. Where I will take them for personal enjoyment and no grade. Some say its a waste of money, and I agree. But shit, I have a friend with a $100,000 forensic science degree (which she paid for in loans that she is going to have to pay back) and she graduated in May and still does not have a job. Now that is a waste of money to me.

And that made me think about all the people who ask me what my major is and I say "Sociology" and then they always ask, "so what are you going to do with that." And I'm like, "I'm going to graduate with it." And then they all look at me crazy, so I change my story to "Oh I'm probably gonna go to grad school, get my masters, and maybe my doctorate one day since I am a Gates Millenium Scholar and they will pay for my schooling." That answer always gets people off my back. But I have no true intentions to do anything with my sociology degree specifically. I don't necessarily want to be a social worker, I would. But I don't really want to go back to school and get my masters just yet, if at all.

So I guess next time somebody asks me what I'm going to do with my degree I will say, "I'm going to use my degree to get an entry level job that I know I could do without my degree but they require me to have it. Then I will work my way up in the company, and save enough money to pay off debts and build my credit back up. And then hopefully be able to quit and start a business or some type of venture on my own. With my own rules, own time, own money, ALL ME." Then they will probably ask, "What type of business venture?" And I will respond, "I'm not sure yet. Maybe a strip club, an arts and craft shop, or maybe I can make a documentary of me traveling the world passing out free condoms, and other forms of birth control. Who know? But I know I will love doing it, whatever it is."

I can imagine the blank stares and "oh's" I will get from that answer...LOL.

That has nothing to do with what I came here to write, it was just on my mind, so I decided to write it. What I came to talk about is Chameleons. Not necessarily the animal, but the metaphorical use of the term chameleon to describe a person. Lets take a look at what Wikipedia has to say about describing a person as a chameleon...

"When a person is described as chameleon, the reference to the animal is generally a commentary on the person's ability to blend into various social situations, often to mean the person has no true values, or that he quickly abandons them in company if it's convenient to do so."

Lets now take a look and pick apart this descriptive definiton. A few key phrases I would like to go in-depth about are "no true values," "abandons," and "convenient."

No True ValuesIn my experience people who act as chameleons don't really have any set values that they live their life by. A person could pretty much convince them to do just about anything. I don't mean anything drastic such as killing someone, but something that really bares no extenuating consequences, yes.

Abandons & ConvenientIt is almost certain that a person with chameleon like qualities will no doubt take the opportunity to abandon you if the situation is convenient for them. Because I have found that they usually don't care about anybody but themselves. They may appear as friends, as long as it is of some type of benefit to them. But when they see an opportunity that they think is better than what you can offer them, they are quick to leave you high and dry, usually with no explanation.

ConclusionI, on the other hand, have been taught, or either through experience, have been conditioned to think of others, as well as myself, when in situations where both people matter. I would never do anything without asking if my accompanying party is comfortable with the decision I am making. Because I believe that if you're with me, you should at least be comfortable. And I will go out of my way to ensure your comfortability(?). Or if you're with me, I would never put the needs of myself before the needs of everyone as a whole. But I will also let you know what you're getting into with me from the beginning so there will be no surprises. I am a fairly consistent medium emotion person. What you see is what you get. You can expect that how I was yesterday is going to be how am I tomorrow, and every day after that. And I've had to learn that not everybody is like that.

So in conclusion, I've come to recognize the chameleons who I've let into my life, even if only for a glimpse (Even though I rarely give anyone outside my family and good friend the full screening).

Advice

Nobody can view themselves as other people do (I wish we could though). You can only hope that you have people around you who aren't afraid to let you know when you are stepping outside of your boundaries. (my mom takes on that role for me) But thats rarely the case. So just as a tip, its okay to think about others sometime. I faithfully live by the rule that I live for me, and not anybody, and that I am the only person who really matters to myself. BUT I do live with other people in the world, and I like people, and I like people who like me back. So to make people like me back, I treat them as I treat myself. With concern for their feelings and well-being. Nobody likes to have their flaws thrown in their face, but the sooner you recognize that you're not being the best person you can be, the quicker you can make the effort to change it.

Friday, September 12, 2008

A friend of mine asked me to have a threesome with him and a girl that he knows would be down to have a threesome with us...

My first reaction was: "Who is the girl?"

He tells me her name and then I realize that I've seen or heard that name before. It is a girl that he currently talks to or has sex with, whatever. But he doesn't know I know of her. (His text message alert went off on his phone and we have the same ringtone for texts and the same phone so I thought it was mine and without really looking at the phone, I saw a text from a girl that read "hey babe, you didn't call me back...blah blah blah")

Second Reaction: "Have you fucked her?"

His answer was "No," and then I asked again, "Have you fucked her?" His second chance answer was then changed to "Yes." Why he lied the first time, I don't know. But I did think it was kinda cute that he felt he should lie to me. But what he doesn't know is I know he has sex with other girls. He is not my boyfriend so he is allowed to do what he wants. I found it cute that he lied because that tells me he somewhat cares about my feelings. Or either he thought I was gonna spaz out if I found out he was fucking some other girl. SO NOT MY STYLE. And it was obvious that he had sex with her before because if he didn't then he wouldn't have been so sure that she would have a threesome with us. DUH!! I have to remind him sometime that I am NOT a dummy. I can put 2 and 2 together.

Third Reaction: "Call her up"

I said this only to see what his next move was going to be. Being that it was already like 5 am, he replied "No. Some people sleep at night, unlike you." HILARIOUS. And then he proceeds to tell me that he is a freak, (like I didn't already know that), and that he wants to have a threesome before he decided to "settle down."

Fourth Reaction: "I'm not having a threesome with you."

This probably broke his heart. But my reasons for saying No to him make sense to me. For one, having a threesome with a girl that he talks to would be awkward for obvious reasons. If we both talk to him then who gets to stay once the threesome is over? And Im not leaving, and we're both not staying cause he is NOT a pimp, and I won't give him any more bragging rights than a threesome would already give him.

Then he was just a little too excited when I didn't instantly shut down the idea of a threesome. I'm not a prude, so if I were to ever engage in a threesome, I would rather it be with a Boyfriend or someone who is damn near my boyfriend (without the title type thing). And he is NOT currently anything close to a boyfriend, even though we act like boyfriend/girlfriend when we are around each other. I don't know, he was just TOO excited.

In Conclusion

I have a rule that when dealing with guys who aren't my boyfriend, I can't give them too much. You can't get ALL the perks at once, you have to earn them. Because if we do everything that boyfriend/girlfriends do without actually being BF/GF, then he will feel that theres no need for him to "settle down" with me. I let him know that I like him, and that Im not on his shit either. I do this by going home with him when I leave the club, but also letting him know how many times I gave my number out that night. Or I answer my phone whether he is around or not, but I don't talk long so I remain respectful. Or if I have to, I do the "Super Ultra Ultra Sexy" thing where I get all dolled up to go out, making sure that he sees how Sexy I'm looking, and show him he shouldn't take all this fineness for granted. But then I do things like fix him breakfast, give massages, all the sweet stuff. But not spoiling him, just giving him a taste of what he could have.

And point blank, I think a Threesome would be spoiling him. So until we advance in our relationship, No Threesome action for him. Sorry boo.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

"I just have one thing to say about promise rings. It's not bad to wear a promise ring because not everybody, guy or girl, wants to be a slut."

Wear your promise ring hunny!! Wear it proudly. In fact, props to you for even committing to something like that with all the fine sexy men gracing this earth. You don't know what you're missing. But I digress...

I take offense to this statement because I never wore a promise ring, and I never made the committment to not have sex until marriage, but I AM NOT a SLUT. Well at least I don't think I am, some hoes I know would beg to differ, but fuck them. Again I digress...

But having sex doesn't make you a slut sweetie. It makes your butt bigger. LOL. Naw I'm playing, I'm not sure if thats been proven yet. But your decision to not have sex DOES NOT make you any better than someone elses decision to NOT have sex. The people who make the decision to have sex for the wrong reasons and make bad sex decisions make the people like ME, who chose to have sex for the right reasons look bad.

But since you've never had sex I can't expect you to see my point that Sex can be great. So I won't even go into detail about it. But I will say that I know you're probably doing the whole promise ring thing for religious purposes and I respect that. Some people just chose to go a different route. You know God looks down on you judging other people by their actions too right? I don't judge you. And you shouldn't judge me because I have to test drive my car before I buy it. I'm just saying...

God Knows I love him. He knows I want to do the right thing. And when I don't he forgives me and loves me the same.

He has this song that I remember hearing at my brothers house probably 2 years or more ago, that is just beautiful. I wish I could remember it. Because it was absolutely beautiful. And theres this other song too. Damn, I always hear his music playing at my brothers house. Maybe I'll get the CDs from him one day and actually find out what they are. But I wish Andrew much much much success, not only because we are from the same town, but because he is a great musician. If you like that folk/acoustic/guitary music feel, you'll love him. I've been trying my best to catch one of his shows, but I blame my brother. He never tells me until its too late. I think because he doesn't want me to go with him, but its cool, one day.

Trying to make money off of Google Adsense is hard when you don't really wanna put all those irrelevant ads all over your blog because it makes your page look extremely messy. And being someone who enjoys controlled abstractness, and symmetry, I can't do the whole "Click my ads and make me money" thing all over my blog. So I kinda forgot ALL ABOUT Google Adsense.

Until about a week or so ago, I checked it and saw that I had made like around $80 since Decemeber 2007. SLOW PROCESS. But I'm like shit, I've made it this far let me see what i can do to boost my money making without having to go ad crazy. So I added the Youtube video unit to my blog. Then I forgot about that too.

Until yesterday, when I decided to check and see how it was doing, and much to my surprise, I was past the $100 mark. Which means Google is going to be sending MY BLACK ASS a CHECK!!! And it will be just in time for Thanksgiving. hahaha. Which in comparision to now, is kinda long ways away. But whatever, I can wait on free money. No biggie. And I'm not sure how much of the $100 I am actually gonna receive being that I had to fill out tax forms and all that shit. So we'll see...Google I need at least $50, so I can get a Turkey and feed my family for Thanksgiving...LOL...OK maybe not, but a sob story never hurts.

Monday, September 8, 2008

I went to my current favorite place this past weekend to celebrate 50 years of life with my uncle. I had major fun. I got dressed up real cute and had a great time.

My cousins and I also hit up the club, Love. We were EXTREMELY late arriving to the club. I think we probably got there at like 1:30. But we partied hard once we finally made it in there. And that night I continued the party at a friends house.

A few choice phrases of the weekend...

"I'm not driving onto an island"-said while driving around DC lost as hell

Cousin: "Whats wrong with you? You look like shit"

Me: "I know. Im suffering from the after effects of a Champagne Chronic Nightcap"

-Sex, Alcohol and Weed should NEVER become one. Separately they are great things, but together BAD...VERY BAD...LOL. Especially the next day...BAD BAD BAD.

A conversation with a 4-year old

4 year old: "ILLLL...you eat animals?"

My other cousin: "Yes, you do too. You eat chicken, thats an animal"

4-year old: "Oh. So do you eat horse?"

My other cousin: "No but I guess you could if you wanted to"

4-year old: "Well what is horse???...Meatloaf???"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...I literally almost choked and died laughing at this. Kids say the darndest things...BTW, I loved that show. Bill Cosby should bring it back for one more season.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

“Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon ‘em.- William Shakespeare

This quote is hilarious to me because I remember being in my High School Honors English class and we were talking about this quote, and my teacher was asking what we thought it meant. Like if there were any underlying meanings. And nobody said anything, and then he explained to us how alot of times Shakespeare would make sexual references in his works. So then we thought about it and everybody laughed. Because in other words...

"Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some fuck great people."

And I just remember another sexual term that we laughed at in class. (remember back in high school talking about sex was funny LOL) Deflower, which simply meant, to have sex with a virgin.

I'm taking a Sociology class called "Social Problems" and this week we are talking about Wealth and Poverty, U.S. and Global Economic Inequalities. And while it reads as long, drawn out and boring, it is actually extremely interesting because it is SO TRUE.

I would have to agree with Karl Marx and greatly attribute inequalities in relation to poverty as a result of the capitalist class exploiting the working class.

Because how many times have you seen people who are "in charge" of something and you're thinking, "This person is an idiot. I can do WAY BETTER than them." Well I don't know about you but I say this all the time.

The working class gives the capitalist class ALL their wealth, power and prestige because without them working for them, they wouldn't be able to provide the goods and services to the economy. I know exactly how the working class feels because DUH, I'm one of them.

And especially from my experience of working in a Revlon factory for 4 days this summer, I feel their pain. Because I absolutely HATED that job, hence the reason I only worked for 4 days. But no matter how many people quit, they always had people there to replace them. And working that job somehow made me realize that I do not want to be apart of the working class forever. If I have to work for somebody, I want to work for myself. Or at least be doing a job that I want to do and love. I find myself thinking about even pulling an "Into the Wild" (but not as extreme) and just bum my way around the world for a few years. Just so I can experience being on my own and not having to answer to anyone but myself.

Because in this capitalist economy, I don't believe that nobody is anymore qualified to do something than you are. Some people just have better opportunities and life chances than others. Chris Rock said it best (paraphrased extremely) "While a Black C Average college graduate can barely find a job in this economy, a white C Average college graduate can have the ultimate job, President of the United States." (he was referring to Bush) And its not because he's white that he is the president, its because he comes from a family of money that could give him better opportunities and could pull strings to let a dummy like Bush become President.

Which got me to thinking that in this time we like to blame alot of things on race but in actuality its all about money. But because white people are the ones with the bulk of the money, and black people are the ones without, it gets played as a race card. And from a Foundations of Education class I took, I learned that white people normally have what is called "old money" (Money so old its growing white hair- lil wayne) which is the best type of money you can have because you can't get rid of it because its constantly making more money. And again, back to Chris Rock, he talks about being rich and being wealthy (in one of his old stand up shows) and how you can't get rid of wealth but you can throw away being rich in one fun summer and a drug habit. (Then he said "Look at Rick James" RIP)

And while Chris Rock made a joke out of this it is true. And then my teacher from my education class goes on to talk about how these new people such as rappers, actors, doctors, lawyers, and professional types have what he calls "new money." Money that was acquired from a skill that they naturally have or was acquired through some sort of training or schooling. And how this type of money can be passed on generations but it can also be fucked up if you have one fuck up kid who wants to party all the time, and get loose with the money, or somebody who makes a bad investment. Look at MC Hammer, Mike Tyson, Vanilla Ice, all people who had millions and had to file bankruptcy.

But Im guessing new money can become old money if you make the right investments. Like if you created a product such as Johnson and Johnson, or you acquire through some means the ability to have your chain of restaurants. But you have to have money to make money, which brings me back to the working class and how most times they are barely making enough money to live, which leaves them no incentive to become part of the capitalist class. Their lives are focused on the now and what is, and not the future and what could be. And I wish I could do something about it but, again, I'm poor too. My only chance of getting out of the working class in the near future is the lottery which is a chance thats about 1 in a billion.

So as Im destined to be apart of the working class for a while, I am also determined to at least try to make my way into the capitalist class. Not necessarily one where I'm pimping the working class, but one where I can use my own skills to make money. It can't be hard because some of the idiots I see running shit (Cough- BET- I have to tell you my experiences with that "network" one day), I know for a fact that I can do it. Its just a matter of getting it done. Which for me, might be the hardest part.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

I am going to miss you dearly after this week goes by. Starting September 8th I have to officially be on my grind and therefore will not be able to experience your greatness anymore. It is definitely going to hurt me more than it will hurt you. It will be hard having to adjust being around my new friend Seriousness, because between me and you--that bitch is boring.

But don't worry, there will be days where I will sneak around and do whatever it is to see you again. There are birthdays coming up, Halloween (and we both know that is my FAVORITE HOLIDAY and it is always a great time for us), and whatever other reasons I may need to bring you back into my life to keep my sanity.

And you know I can't leave you without us having the time of our lives this final weekend. We're going to our favorite place to be and TRUST, I've got big things planned for us. Two days to wild out like never before. (tear) I don't want to get too mushy on you so I'm going to go now, and prepare for these last days with you. They shall be great...

Your Bestest Friend in the Whole Wide World,

Megan

P.S.- Things may seem bleek now but come August 2009 when I've gotten everything together, our return and reunitement will be inifinte times better than before. Luv Ya!!!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Middle school was Great. I absolutely loved every second of it. I missed the first 3 months of my middle school career because I broke my leg, but after that everything was great. I couldn't wait to go to school. I had classes with all my friends from elementary school, and then since we have only one middle school in my town, all the elementray schools come together for middle school and you get to meet so many new people.

Middle school is just a chaotic place to begin with. Raging hormones is all I need to say. And just us being crazy contributed to my mean girl activities. But to my defense, everybody was Mean Girls. Like I remember some of my friends, I had nothing to do with this, gave this handicapped girl a christmas present and they made her open it in front of everybody. And when she opened it, it was a box full of pads and tampons. And the real mean part was people used to pick on her because you could always tell the week of her period because she would bring a change of clothes and about midday she would have on a different outfit. So to be funny, thats what they did. And the teacher flipped on them. She was our cheerleading coach plus the math teacher and they got hell for that little prank. Glad I wasn't apart of that.

Also there was this girl who after school one day, gave head to like 5 boys in the teachers lounge bathroom. YES IN MIDDLE SCHOOL. We were a wild bunch, I have to admit. We did most of our wild shit before high school. People used to have sex in the locker rooms. One of my friends first time was in the girls locker room. And another was in the back room of a store that her father owned. One girl even shitted on the floor in the gym to get back at a janitor that made her mad. And we always knew everybodies business, its a small school and small town. But back to the girl giving head. So by the next day EVERYBODY knew about it because she and all the boys got suspended from school. And there was this girl who made up this song and dance about her. All I remember is "If you give her a dime, she'll do three at a time." And then at the end of the song they would break into this dance where they would drop down on one knee and start moving their head back and forth. IT WAS HILARIOUS. But mean as hell.

But I did my fair share of mean girlness. We were in AG English class and it was this boy that nobody could stand. And its funny because in that class we took it back to Jim Crow. We had the black side of class, and the white side of class. With a few token white people on the black side and vice versa. And then there was this section of desks where the people that neither group really liked sat. It was this girl and boy who nobody really liked because they both always had to show off how smart they were ALL THE TIME. Very annoying. So basically we had a sub, and we were just having fun and the boy started talking "smart" again and so they all dared me to throw this dictionary at him. And me being me, I did it. However, not realizing how much force it takes to throw a heavy ass dictionary I ended up hitting the girl that nobody likes, before I hit the boy that nobody likes. And she started crying. But I didn't get in trouble. How I didn't get in trouble is BEYOND ME. But I didn't, no punishment at all. And I even remember being asked why I did it, and I was like, I wasn't trying to hit her, I was trying to hit the boy. (SO MEAN)

And another edition of mean girlness was when I used to go to this summer program there was this girl there that the majority of us there didn't like because she was a hoe. Basically. And one day we were practicing for a talent show and my younger cousin was in the program too, and she was all over him, and I loudly told him in front of everybody to "tell that hoe to leave you alone." And also that day, we were playing basketball in the gym and a friend dared me to throw a basketball at her while they distracted her, and I did. AND THEN as we was leaving to go home that day, she was running her mouth and I told her that "I will beat your ass out here right now." But she kept walking towards her bus. SO MEAN I KNOW!!

The stories don't end. I also had a friend that I was cool with since elementary school that I turned on because she was one of those girls who flirted with everybody's man, so nobody liked her either. In fact, to this day, I don't know of anybody who really likes her. But we were always cool until one of my friends told me she was all over my boyfriend as they were walking to the buses. I never had to ride the bus because my mother worked at the school I went to so I couldn't walk out to he buses. And after that day, my friends and I gave her hell. She wore her hair in this part that started right above her ear, and she would swoop her hair over, almost like a comb over. It was terrible. We picked on her for that. And she had a chipped tooth, so we would call her chipped. And then one day, in English class, we talked and made up. I felt so bad because she was actually a nice person. And still to this day I feel bad for what I did to her. But after we mde up, we never had another problem.

But Im not like that anymore. AT ALL. That was just raging hormones and all that stuff that makes middle school aged kids crazy. There are probably a million more stories I could tell, but I kinda don't remember the details. These are just ones that I could remember. But again, I AM NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL. In fact, I've had numerous opportunities where I could have played the role of mean girl, but I usually just let people make a fool of themselves without getting into it. But I will admit, sometimes I just want to revert back to all that mean girlness with some girls who just don't understand anything else. But I can't bring myself to do it. But MAN ITS SO HARD NOT TO ACT RECKLESS...

I've been doing some..."Summer Cleaning"...and ran across a few things that I had forgotten about all together. I'm the type of person who likes to keep things so that when I run across them years later, I can sit down and look at it and laugh. I'm not a pack rat. I don't save everything just the important things. I have a Jordan shoe box under my bed that I call my "box full of memories." It has things like receipts, concert tickets, my first plane ride ticket, lots of stuff from my trip to Chicago and Lollapalooza, a keychain from a friend that died, alot of stuff that I one day HOPE to scrapbook. I even have old school work from middle school, and letters that my friends and I used to write in class, which are the funniest things I've ever read. I couldn't imagine that I acted that way in middle school and even high school. I've always thought I was mature for my age, and I was kinda was. But I think I say that because I never really got caught up in boy craziness like everyone else. Boys were always whatever to me. Or at least thats how I came off.

But one thing that I found that I almost threw away was a Teen People magazine from March 2005 with Ashley Simpson on the cover. I used to get these emails where I was apart of a focus group fcalled Trendspotters for Teen People and we had to answer questions that might be used in the magazine. And I remember my cousin calling me one day and she was like...

Cousin: "I just read something you wrote in Teen People magazine."

Me: "What? How do you know it was me?"

Cousin: "Because it has your name, where you're from and your age."

Me: "What does it say?"

So my mother goes out and buys the magazine for me, and my comment was in an article called "25 ways to get his attention." And my comment was "Focus your flirtation. If you're with the boy you like, direct your attention toward him and only him, not toward him and every other guy. "Otherwise, your crush won't be able to distinguish if you like him or if you just flirt with everybody."

And when I first read this comment I didn't even remember submitting it, but it sounded like something I would say. But whats so funny about all this is that I'm the type of person who gives great advice but I never seem to follow my own advice. To a certain extent I do, but in this case, of focusing my flirtation, I definitely don't. I'm a Flirt and I usually flirt with everybody, friends, ex-boyfriends, future boyfriends, strangers, it doesn't matter. However, I know when to draw the line, nobody likes a girl who flirts ALL THE TIME. Thats just annoying. LOL.

This is the magazine. I'll probably keep it forever. Something to show my kids one day.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I love the blog, CollegeCandy.com, and I would love to write for them. They are always looking for new people to join their blog and so I have decided to try and see if I can get in on the greatness.

I have to provide them with 3 samples of my writing in the topics of my choice which will probably be sex, relationships, and maybe MAYBE fashion. I have major opinions on sex and relationships but as far as fashion goes, Im more of a "I like what I like" type person and I don't believe that my fashion sense has to be your fashion sense. So I will probably just stick to sex and relationships, something I can speak more on.

I don't know why. Its just hilarious to me some of the stuff people do. Writing passive aggressive notes is funny. I write them to my mother, but as a joke though.

And I love this website SO MUCH, that I kinda started a blog that is sorta of something like it. But I'm trying to find some more people to contribute to the blog with me. Moreso for fun, and not for attention. Its just funny to read people's thoughts. I think.

I've come to terms with alot of things lately. Especially with the whole "my friends ain't shit" thing that I've been going through lately. It wasn't a giant surprising shocker to me but then again, I didn't think it would end like this.

I was mad, then upset, then kinda regretful, then slightly forgiving, then came feelings of I told you so, and back to madness, and finally indifferent. FINALLY INDIFFERENT. And anybody who knows me, once Im indifferent about you, where I don't care one way or another, it could be good or bad.

Good, if we were on extremely bad terms and the end result ended up with me not caring one way or another. But bad, if you think we're still friends and everything is back to normal. Cause it definitely won't be. I will be cordial but I won't be considerate. Meaning whenever you ask for me something that I would have normally did, I probably won't go out of my way to do it. If I simply don't feel like doing it, I won't.

Plus its time for a change. I was getting way too comfortable with a bunch of bullshit. That I can see now was bullshit.

My girl cousins and I were talking about sex one day this weekend. (FYI I had a family reunion this weekend, so thats why alot of my posts have to do with my family all of a sudden)

One of my cousins just recently started having sex and we were just all curious to what it is that her and her boyfriend be doing because they both were virgins. And then my cousin for a long time was tryin to ride on her high horse and act like she was not gonna have sex until she got married and blah blah blah. So we're all just joking and talking and my cousin says something about how her and her boyfriend only have sex where she is on top. So then I'm like well what do you do on top? And she's like nothing. (First mistake)

So at this point all of my other girl cousins are ridiculing her and telling her that she is garbage and how her man is gonna leave her if she doesn't get some moves. Another funny story, my male cousin was clowning this girl he talks to and in a drunken moment told the whole room that the girl has NO MOVES. HAHAHAHAHA...Sex moves that is.

Okay, so me and my other cousin are the oldest and we're tryin to explain that men are the ones who really do most of the work when you have sex, as far as movement. But when you're on top thats your time to shine, so to speak. You can't get on top and just sit there because the whole point of you being on top is so that you do the bulk of the movement and the guy just chills and takes it all in.

And we explain to her how important having "moves" are. Your moves separate the good from the great. Just like being a great pussy eater goes A LONG WAY. The totem pole goes like this for me (and most of my cousins and friends)...(we had a SERIOUS girl talk this weekend LOL)

For the record, writing Pussy so many times is almost killing me, I hate that word. But roughly (lol) thats how we figure the totem pole goes. And I assume this is basically the same for women, substituting Pussy and Head Game for Dick and Pussy Eating Skills. Obviously your sex game has to be on point but you definitely get bonus points for your extracurriculars. You have to be able to separate yourself from the rest. We came to the conclusion that there is NOTHING wrong with being a freak. In fact, thats probably one of the best things you can be with your man. Don't let it get boring. If you keep it exciting, then he won't need to go out and get something new from another bitch.

Being that my cousin is young and still living with her parents who know she is having sex but doesn't necessarily approve of it, we couldn't really give her alot of suggestions. We ultimately told her that she wouldn't be with her current boyfriend forever and she really shouldn't be. You should test the waters and see whats out there. But thats another girl talk, I'm gonna stay on subject with this one.

What else did we talk about?.....Well ALOT. But I have a book that I recommend everyone in the world to read at some point in their life. Preferably early on in your sexual experiences so that you can use the information in the book to perfect your craft. Its called Guide to Getting it on, and it covers EVERYTHING. Any and everything you could imagine. Its more than 2 inches thick, so that should give you an idea. Read it. Love It. I've had it since my freshman year of college and every friend or family member that comes to my house and sees the book, reads it. Even the ones whom I couldn't pay to read anything else.

My cousins and I was talking about if we were not family, would we ever be friends with each other if we were in the circumstances where we had the chance to be friends.

And I had already thought about this before because I have a few cousins who are actually my very good friends, and really some of the only people I depend on for anything. I have two cousins who I will say are my favorites. Two male cousins. One of them has been my nigga since forever. We've always been on the same page. We are the male and female version of each other. We just have an unspoken understanding. I have never felt like I just needed to get away from him. I think I could probably be around him forever and wouldn't have one problem. Then my other male cousin, we laugh all day. We always have a good time together. And the good thing about our relationship is we know when we've had enough of each other and we can step away without there being any conflict. Back to the whole principle of having an understanding.

But then I have some cousins who if we were acquainted I probably wouldn't fuck with them like that. Nothing more than a "whats up. how u been lately" type thing. I have one cousin who just gets on my nerves because she is so selfish. She thinks that you are suppose to do everything she asks and when shit doesn't go her way, she gets an attitude. There was a situation this weekend, where I asked her to carry this bag of ice while my other cousin and I went to the liquor store before it closed. So we're getting ready to leave and my other cousin comes to tell me that she just drops the bag of ice at the door and is like I'm not carrying this. Oh how I wish I could have been there because she would have been mad at me. She would have carried that bag of ice or she would have been calling a ride to pick her up from the store. She always try to hit people with the diva antics, she treats all her friends like shit, but I'm like Bitch we're family and all this bougie shit is not called for. She just thinks she too good to do a bunch of shit. And I recently let a friend go for some of the same type of selfish ass, ungrateful bullshit. But as she is family, I have to deal with her, but if she won't...

And I have another cousin who I'm kinda on the fence with. I think she could be a good friend, but she'd be one of those friends who I could only be around for a little while and would probably never bring my man around her for too long. She claims she doesn't get along well with girls because so I don't know if she would even try to be my friend anyway. She doesn't get along well with girls because she thinks girls are all jealous, bitchy people but my cousin is a flirt. And nobody really wants somebody around who flirts with EVERYBODY. But that wouldn't really matter to me so we maybe could be cool. Maybe.

But most of my cousins are cool. I could see myself being friends with all of them. I'm not a very high maintenance friend so as long as you don't get on my nerves too much, or do a bunch of bullshit, we can be cool.

Its just that I use this blog to clear my mind and get things off my chest. With that said...

I realized this weekend that this semester is gonna be crazy. I'm going to be taking classes, working full-time, and trying to maintain my sanity while everyone I know will be asking around if I'm a college dropout. AGAIN.

I actually HATE when somebody asks me about school. I usually say what they want to hear which is usually the simplest way around it. Because if I go into specifics I could be there talking about school forever and that is one topic that I REFUSE to talk about excessively. School is still whatever to me at this point but I am really in "Grind it out" mode. I have like 2-3 more semesters to my finish and this time I'm just gonna have to sacrifice and grind it out. Do what I have to do, so I can do what I want to do.

If God never blessed me with being considerate of others people's feelings, I'd probably be the biggest bitch on Earth. Lets imagine the female version of Diddy. I'd have motherfuckers walking to Brooklyn for Cheesecake too. Just because I can. And being brutally honest, to the point of making people cry, would probably be my signature.

I was thinking about this because I know of at least 5 people whom I could have broken down because of some shit that they did to me, but I handled it in a respectful manner. I basically remained cordial and most of them don't even realize the changes that I have made in the way that I act towards them.

I actually think I can be TOO nice sometimes. WAY TOO NICE. Because I feel sometimes people aren't really considerate of me, so why should I be considerate of them. RIGHT?

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Felt like you were evolving, and changing but EVERYBODY around you was stuck. Kinda how things are right before the MEN IN BLACK would flashy thing you. All the people around you are frozen in time but you're still moving forward...

I literally had to let go of a friend because of this very reason. We not on the same shit. And my friend really wasn't even trying to bring anything to the table, after I basically bought the table and eventually had to supply everything put on it.

And thats not even the real reason why I had to let it go. Because I don't mind doing shit for people. But after doing stuff ALL THE TIME without hardly ever having to be asked, it gets old. And even then thats not the reason I had to let it go. It was only because I took notice of the shit going on around me. I don't particularly pay close attention to others around me, as far as what they do, because I don't really care to. But once I started noticing how shit was happening, it dawned on me that motherfuckers aren't really who they say they are.

For example, people that I only hear from on the weekends because they know that Im probably gonna go out. People that don't even call me for my birthday, texting and facebook are essentially for motherfuckers who don't really know me. But if I go all out to do shit for your birthday and I can't even get a phone call for mine. Letting niggas come before the people who are really there for you. no matter what. I mean I could probably go on forever and ever...

But then thats not even the end of it. Thats not why I let it go. I was actually gonna give it a second chance because I try to be a good person. But then as soon as I decide to give a second chance, the fuck ups immediately resurfaced and basically shut down all hopes for anything. I mean I literally tried, even against everybody telling me to let it go. EVERYBODY. Its funny how NOBODY gave a fuck whether we remained friends or not. (except for me)

Because at the end of the day, I look at it like this. We had our good times. Great times even. But its only so much I can take. If you didn't take the effort to recognize a good friend, then I shouldn't take the effort to remain one. And real talk, all this could be settled if I could just talk to you. But I can't because back to the beginning, We are on some different shit right now. I'm going one way, and you're going another. Not saying that my path is any better , but I seemed to not be losing alot of friends on my path while you are.

Another concept my friend doesn't understand. You can have all the friends in the world but if they're not GOOD friends, then it doesn't mean much. When everybody surrounding is comprised of fake bitches you will see. Because the people that you are calling fake ass bitches, jealous ass hoes, and such on, and so forth, where the same motherfuckers who gave you NUMEROUS chances. I know this because they told me. And at that point I knew it was only a matter of time before shit hit the fan. You don't understand that these fake ass bitches & jealous ass hoes did you plenty of favors. Favors especially since you hardly ever did anything in return. And even after chances upon chances you let shit escalate over some shit that YOU should have been doing in the first place. Shit ain't free anymore. There are not too many people who are gonna do stuff just because, so when you find those type of people you should appreciate them.

Im saying all this and you will probably never read it. And will probably never understand. I'm just gonna become a jealous ass fake ass bitch like the rest of them. And thats cool, cause back to the beginning, you are on some different shit right now. And these are the life lessons that you and I both will learn from.

I was about to end this but I thought of something else. And you of ALL people should know how easily I can let go off a motherfucker and not think twice. You know that. And as much as I wish things were different, its not. I don't get to chose my family, but I do get to chose my friends.

I hate when people talk before thinking about what they are saying. Again on the subject of haters, we all have heard those cliche expressions people give when they find out somebody is "hating" on them.

We've all heard them (and probably have said them). But I'm just so tired of people claiming to have SO MANY haters ALL THE TIME. Everybody can't possibly be hating on you and if so, then you should really look at the shit that you do. Cause odds are if EVERYBODY is "hating" on you then, there is something wrong with YOU. I don't know. I'm just tired of shit like this. I see it TOO MUCH. Hear it TOO MUCH. If you gone DO YOU, as you always claim, then DO YOU. Why are you so worried about everybody else being supposedly "jealous," "envious," and "mad" at you? Fuck em and move on. You don't have to recite to the world your hater cliches, it only makes you look stupid (to me anyway).

Seventeen Daily Freebie

My Mantras

"Sleeping is for Dreamers"- Megan "A red soled shoe doesn't mean they're Louboutins" Translation: Separate the real from the fake.- Megan"I am what I repeatedly do. Therefore my flyness is not an act, but a habit"- Aristotle and Megan"When you are too focused on what you don't have, you won't have."- Kanye West, Thank You and You're Welcome

"It is a golden rule from day one that you must put others before yourself. I believe this to be true, but as the second verse says, if you don't first look out for yourself, then you'll never be able to help anyone else. Self-preservation is actually in my opinion a big contributor to society." -Andrew Marlin, "The Rabbit"

"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but we wait so long to begin it" "Sure Books can Guide you, but your heart defines you"- Jay-Z"Life ain't meant to come around twice, thats why I gotta get it right"- Lupe Fiasco"When people show you who they are, Believe them""You're better off in no relationship, than a bad relationship"