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Loss (Lost loved one): My son, Derek was 42. He fought a hard battle against colon cancer but we lost him Jan.3 rd. @ 7:10 am. God bless him and god bless all that are fighting, don't give up--he never did.

I am just so sorry for what you and your son are going through. My husband has Stage 4 Colon Cancer and over the years has been in a lot of pain and this last week has been rough. I have some understanding of what it is like to watch someone you love suffering. I don't know what's next but there is often more hope than we expect. People come out of the worst dark places everyday. But I know there is a time and place to be positive and another time where people trying to spin positive news does not help. Look after yourself. Your son has you and that must be a comfort. Love him as much as you can - as you obviously do. I am sure he will find some solace in your love.

I am so sorry you and your son have to go through this. When I was diagnosed one of the tools I used to calm myself was to remember that I would rather be the one with cancer than either of my sons. I know how much you wish you could be the one to suffer instead. The what next for you and him is whether or not it is time for palliative care. It is a tough decision but sometimes when you get the palliative team involved the whole battle gets easier. They can guide you through decisions regarding treatment vs no treatment and help you and your family get to a place of peace even in this awful situation. You have to believe that the "scorecard" is bigger than this life we share and that living isn't the only reward.

John's colon cancer was diagnosed after his lung collapsed from plura effusion, and he had pneumonia and extreme anemia too. He went on O2 and was required to do a lot of breathing exercises. After 3-4 months was able to get off O2 and after a few more months we were able to go places without a spit cup. Of course by this time he was on chemo, and while his lung capacity isn't strong, there's no need for oxygen tanks any longer.

Since it wasn't originally known he had colon cancer, pulmonary and respiratory specialists checked him out -- if you haven't asked or sought these specialists out, I recommend it, especially with blood clots. Pulmonary embolisms aren't just cancer related - so there should be thinners available to help stablize him and strengthen his breathing so he came move around to prevent clotting from happening.

We found at our Kaiser HMO that the oncologist only knows chemo, the surgeons only know surgery, etc. We've found it helpful to bring in 'body part specialists' to add to the team when crises develop.

When John's next life threatening adventure happened with a bowel obstruction, we got through it by bringing in a GI doc to help and reaching directly out to folks on this group to help evaluate our options which Kaiser originally cast as hospice (presumably imminent death by starvation, chased with a morphine high) Thanks to a lot of Google searches, reaching out to Carm (who is AWESOME!), presenting alternative treatments, saying No to hospice, talking to the GI specialist, they ended up operating and removed the colon tumor. John's so much better, happy, and he will celebrate the holidays this week. Hopefully this advice will bless you and your son - remember this is the time of year when miracles and wonderful things happen!

(By the way, if you can't get an appointment with a pulmonary specialist right away, get the records of tests and scans and medical records and camp out in the specialist's office with a bouquet of flowers or a bottle of wine until s/he sees you and give them the records. The flowers are for the doc if a guy - they are for his wife as he reviews the files over/after dinner. The wine is for the doc is a gal - for her husband.... In truth I didn't have to do this as the morning after I got all the records, they decided to indeed operate, but this was my plan on how to get the out of HMO GI doc to review his case when the next appointment was a month away - and that would have been too long! Time was truly of the essence. Surely a doc would work overtime and review the records to consult on something like this....)

Feel the love and all the goodness of the holiday season and may miracles always happen to us all. Remember, too, that you are your son's miracle. He's lucky to have you in his life and caring compassionately for him.

Dont give up!! Get a second opinion!! There are clinical trials available, alternative chemos, you can change your current chemo schedule, alternate chemo pill with infusion... Have you been to more than one doc? How long has your son been in treatment?

Well..first let me say this is terrifying for me...diagnosed in Dec. 2012. I just have to say for you to head to a teaching or cancer hosp. The oncologist I first worked with was mot at all helpful or capable of of being flexible with treatment. Seems bad, but still always hope!

Hope he continues to have the energy to keep pushing. He needs encouragement and maybe help on the things that he doesn't have the energy to do around the house so he can concentrate on two things only, treatment and work. Get help if needed to take care of everything else. I wish him continued strength.

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