Spatwatch

Bill Ackman and Carl Icahn just took their Herbalife scuffle to CNBC for perhaps the most entertaining half-hour in the history of financial news television. Here's the story behind the story, and who came out on top.

American Pie star Jason Biggs tweeted some nasty things about Paul Ryan's wife Janna during the RNC. It did not go over well with conservative media site Twitchy.com, a Twitter curation site owned by pundit Michelle Malkin.

Jack Abramoff's tiff with the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee over ownership of JackAbramoff.com is at this moment the most heated spat in the fierce but, let's be honest, pretty frivolous brave new world of political domain name wars.

Players: Madonna, the blonde Queen of Pop who's basically immortal and in the midst of MDNA tour; Lady Gaga, the blonde Princess of Pop who's on her way to immortality and in the midst of her Born This Way ball.

Players: James Franco, Hollywood actor who's made a name for himself for being a jack of all trades and the ultimate professional student; The New York Observer, a weekly paper suffering from Franco fatigue.

Players: Mel Gibson, actor who will never live down his DUI incident in 2006; Joe Eszterhas, the screenwriting mastermind who brought you Basic Instinct and Showgirls, who will not let Gibson live down his anti-Semitic comments

The Players: Chris Christie, the well-liked Governor of New Jersey Governor and possible VP pick who's also known for his weight struggles; Eugene Robinson, liberal columnist for The Washington Post who's known for writing about Christie's weight struggles.

The Players: David Zurawik, television critic for TheBaltimore Sun who'snot a fan of Chelsea Clinton journalism; Erik Wemple, media reporter and critic for The Washington Post who actually explains why he isn't a fan of Chelsea Clinton's journalism (yet).

The Players: Helen Vendler, author and one of the nation's leading critics of American Poetry; Rita Dove, a former U.S. Poet Laureate who's in charge of editing the expansive The Penguin Anthology of Twentieth-Century American Poetry.

The Players: Angelina Jolie, Hollywood mega-star who making her upcoming directorial debut in the Bosnian war movie In the Land of Blood and Honey; James Braddock, a Croatian journalist accusing Jolie of stealing his story.

The Players: Joe Klein, a Time columnist currently wondering why Republicans don't seem to like Mitt Romney; John McCain, a former presidential candidate who once was a Republican who didn't love Romney

Players: Bikram Choudhury, the multi-millionaire creator of the very popular, brand-named, sweat-filled, inferno-facilitated Bikram Yoga practice; Gregory Gumucio, a one-time right hand man to Choudhury who now heads up Yoga to the People, a boho, hippy-ish yoga company determined to make yoga affordable to everyone.

The Players: Manhunt, a gay dating site founded in 2001 with over 6.5 million members and their new, racy, gay billboards; Kelly Cole, co-president of the Valley View elementary PTA who thinks those ads are too racy and gay.

The Players: Niall Ferguson, writer, historian, brainy professor at Harvard who isn't afraid of rebutting a bad review with a lawsuit; Pankaj Mishra, writer, essayist, brainy reviewer for the London Review of Books who isn't afraid of unleashing a scathing review.

The Players: Chick-Fil-A, the Southern based fried-chicken fast-food chain, which employs the tagline "Eat Mor Chiken" (sic) to sell its greasy deliciousness; Eat More Kale, an eco-friendly T-shirt business that promotes sustainable food screen-printing its very similar sounding slogan "Eat More Kale" on t-shirts.

The Players: Per-Arne Tuftin, a tourist official from Norway who isn't sold on the Finnish Northern Lights; Mervi Holmén, who works for the Finnish Tourism Board and hopes to bank off of their Northern Lights-gone-viral marketing success

The Players: Johnny Depp, a sometimes sell-out actor whose latter Pirates of The Carribbean flicks we forgive because it's easy to admire a guy who started on 21 Jump Street and given us What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Ed Wood, and Sweeney Todd; Wichita, Kansas home to Wichitans who aren't ready to forgive Depp for The Rum Diary.

The Players: Noel Biderman, CEO of Ashley Madison, a dating web site (12.2 million members and counting) whose slogan is: "Life is short. Have an affair."; "Jacqueline", a plus-sized model and porn entrepreneur who unknowingly appeared as the punchline of two of Ashley Madison's ads

Players: Nicholas Kristof, columnist for the New York Times who's built his reputation on writing about poverty and human empathy; Kim Kardashian sympathizers who have empathy for the rich and talentless, plus the Turkish people.