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How on earth can Duke attract so much sexual derangement? This is hugely entertaining and it does not come with a side of guilt, because it is hard to feel sorry for any of those involved.

Karen F. Owen got her fuck on AND found time to actually conduct a thorough sexual study. Sure, she places lots of emphasis on the length and girth of the subjects’ penises, but this is relative to the general capacity and pleasure threshold of her vagina, so you can’t blame her, she takes big dick.

This is an accidental performance, a cyber happening, the next big thing since Joaquin Phoenix punked film critics.

People of Durham, Duke students, stop drinking the water. It is making Blue Horn-Devils out of you.