I hear Thomas the Train in the other room, while my husband watches tv with our son. It makes me wonder how much longer Daen will stay little. He’s 4 now, and growing up so fast. Lately I have been feeling like I have failed him somehow, as every time I take him with me to the store, he begins to ask for all sorts of things. It’s strange to me, since I have never just given in and bought him things while we are out. Is this just something that all kids go through?

We also don’t “watch tv” as in, we don’t pay for cable, which means we also don’t pay for commercials. Somehow, it makes me wonder where he learns things. In any case, I’m grateful for the beauty of his childhood. I’m so not looking forward to the massive purge we will be doing in his room soon. The accumulation of toys and random things from gifts from others is… overwhelming. He hardly plays with his toys or even in his room, and I know it is because he is incredibly overwhelmed. I suspect he is on the autism-spectrum but that has never been diagnosed (much like my own asperger-ish self) and I know that he just wants a quiet space to play. If he is anything like me, this makes perfect sense. If I ask him to clean his room, he basically has a toddler panic attack. Not a temper tantrum, a panic attack. He displays serious feelings of anxiousness and it’s so sad. He truly feels like he can’t pick up his room on his own.

I sure know how that feels! Isn’t it insane how much of an emotional impact and burden our material possessions can have on us? On our children? I’m hoping that he has an ok time with letting go of things, so that he has space to be. He deserves a space where he can breathe and be free…