Saturday, 10 December 2011

Sometimes in life- i feel alone- todays one of those days for me- i've never really been the one who's had a ton of friends- nor have i always needed someone to be around me

i regard myself as the a independent traveling gypsy- I never hanged around anyone too long- i've come to a realization, that best friends are a let down.

even when i was younger- i did have a best friend- Her name was Martine Vadebonnecouer. We were inseparable- i'd sleep over and she wold do the same.I grew up eating at the kitchen table- and her @ my house- even when we moved away- she would come vista me- on a hour long drive- just because she wanted to be with me- It always made me feel so special and wanted- i could count on her for ever thing- she did everything with- me- we went swimming in the public parks.She even attenated religious events with me, i've got millions of pictures of her in our family album. This friendship started when i was 5 yrs old and lasted till i was in my mid 20's. We all lived different lifes, and too many thinks changed.

As i grew up, i don't know why but i've always had the most difficult time in just having a friend. i regard a friendship as a scared thing- Meant to be valued. Now that i am i older- i do crave the surrounding of others. This why, i am so grateful for my job- i am surrounded by 300 people everyday- they are strangers whom i get to have a pleasant conversation with- or appease when they are upset- for that 6 hr or 12 hr day- i get to form a short un attached friendship with them- they don't expect a thing from me, most of the time they see me as a nobody- but sometimes they remember the act of kindness i have inflicted upon time, or a caring words or gesture that was done.

Because of the type of work i do- i am surround by a different employee everyday- Any how this is besides the point- i work, 10 to 12 or 18 hrs a day.So basically you get to know each other pretty well.The point is this- i have always had the hardest time making friends- i don't know if its cause of my skin colour or the way i look or just plain my character. So i cherish a friend when i actually have one- Since moving here- its been really difficult making a true friendship. Someone to talk to, or just going shopping. It taken me almost 2 yrs for people realize that i am not a snob- and so i met my best friend at work- will so i though i did- She already had a close friend at work- but i always called her my best friend- Recently a few interesting episodes have taken place at work, and i basically was there to support and pick the pieces for this one girl who is linked to another friend and lastly to my best friend- to make it simpler- i was there for my best friend- thick and thin- when her closet friend ignored her to completely disappearing on her- That one person throws her a bone, and she ditched me- gone to get togethers and basically i'm forgotten last minute. I 'm peeved because for 10days i haven't heard a word- yes i realize this sounds like a jealous girl fight- but i think i've vested to much on my best friend thinking that one day i would actually be that to her, in turn. So it's no big surprise that - now even more rumours are flying about me at work and basically it pretty petty, and i figure those who do know me, will say something- otherwise, i won't say a thing- i doubt it, if any one will be defending me. I guess the moral of my story is- never truly believe that one friend is a your best friend and looks out for you- just, be your own biggest fan. Because that the only person you can truly count on. I am sad to sad that i am closing chapter on this because i don't like to made a fool of- and i have learned my lesson- friends at work is a vile mixtures- you never truly know when some will change on you.