Saturday, December 01, 2007

Multi-Zone Multi-Purpose Kitty Collar

My cat has really started to bond with me and over the past month it has gotten pretty annoying. He comes and goes in my room as he pleases, pretty much 3 seconds after he comes in or out. I like my door closed, but the cats bed is in here due to having roommates, so i like to leave my door open only enough where the cat can fit through. Mr Fluffles aka Mr Puffy aka Tom Hanks is a cat that is very fat, wide load is a better way to put it. He always knocks the door wide open and i'm tired of it. I have come up with an idea that could help solve this.

Alas! da404lewzer's Multi-Zone Multi-Purpose Kitty Collar

Simply put the patent-pending da404lewzer brand multi-zone multi-purpose brand kitty collar on your gato, then lay the included zone-strip along the doorway of a room in your house. When the cat tries to get near the door, the cat is horribly electrocuted taking him/her to the ground instantly. The cat will learn from this and stay inside the room. You can control when the cat can leave, if he ever tries to again that is.

Step 2. Attach the collar to the victim, er, your catOnce you get this thing on it's neck (which weighs eight pounds) it will really show kitty who's boss.

Step 3. Configure your TCP/IP settingsThis is DHCP get used to it. Your cat can now sync up to BlueTooth enabled devices for practical joke shocking.

Step 4. Control your Kitty's ZonesUsing this small and organized remote you can easily let your cat in or out of a room, or disable a russian satellite with missles via Google's NukeSat service (requires a Gmail account)

Step 5. Watch your cat walk up to the door and get the shit shocked out of him.Watch your cat walk up to the door and get the shit shocked out of him. lol This is the most fun of all the steps. You can also manually induce shocking via the handy dandy remote.Coming soon: Mind Control Kitty firmware update!

Now that you've had time to think about the possibilities of this invention, i'm sure you wished that you would had come up with it first. Well, you didn't, so there. lolWarning, this product may kill your cat in which case you should set up a camera so the funny can be cought on tape and then uploaded to youtube remixed to techno music. Your little kitty may die suddenly from exploding/leaking batterys or the radiation that the freon tank emits.