Thursday, June 21, 2007

Ok fine...I've shat all over NYC before and I had to go there AGAIN this week (against my will), but went into it with an open mind. I really did. However, my most recent stay in NYC completely confirms my opinion that they should put a toilet seat on top of this place. Ok, the day started out GREAT. On my way down to NY, through CT, I stopped at a Dunkin Donuts to get a little fuel...and to my surprise, because of a "frozen computer system", I got a free iced coffee and bagel sandwich. Needless to say, I went into the day in the best mood and with the best intentions and, nevertheless, was disappointed. No word of a lie, as soon as I cross over the city limits to NYC, I'm smacked in the face with a vile...I mean VILE smell. I'm not sure how a city (as a whole) can stink, but it does. Further, after a day of work, I was going to meet a friend on the Lower West Side...so when I hopped on the train right outside of 7th and 56th, what is the first thing I see when I go into the station? You guessed it, two of the most unattractive African-American individuals engaging in sexual intercourse. Ok fine, I'm in a good mood, I got a free coffee this morning and its going to take a lot more to take me off my game. With that in mind, I rounded the next corner and saw another individual with a syringe sticking into his baby arm (as 'Suds would say). As if this wasn't shocking enough, a colleague of mine reported seeing the same thing last year. PLEASE....will someone condemn this city as unfit for human life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To a lesser extent...after I checked into my hotel room, I was completely grossed out. Now before I go further, please understand that yours truly rips through butts like its going out of style. However, that being said, the whiff that I had to smell walking into my hotel room tonight made me want to vomit (Chieftain knows what I'm talking about). It smelled like someone cultivated an entire tobacco farm on my pillow, then before leaving ran 10 miles and rubbed their grundle all over my sheets......GOD I HATE THIS CITY!!!!!!!!!!!! Not to mention, when I took a piss at some god-awful bar in Soho tonight, I smelled a stench that should not be emitted by any human on the face of the planet. Gentlemen, do yourself a favor and stay in Beantown.