Tyler Reks vs. Chris Masters. They do a bit of wrestling. Masters lands a shoulder block. Reks gets a side headlock takeover, then lands a shoulder block of his own. Masters throws Reks out of the ring. Reks throws a fit outside. Back inside, Masters lands a shoulder block and goes for the Master Lock. Reks escapes and takes out the leg that was injured last week on Smackdown. Reks goes to work on the leg. Masters fights back and back body drops Reks to the floor. Insta-commercials. Reks works on Masters’ leg for a while. Masters gets a schoolboy for 2, then hits a Samoan Drop. Masters makes his comeback. Spinebuster gets 2. Masters falls down because of his bad leg. Reks hits a Complete Shot for 2. Masters counters a short lariat and locks in the Master Lock for the referee stop (6:39 shown). Fine little match.

From Smackdown: The Corre beat down The Big Show and Kane. Tomorrow, Wade Barrett challenges Kofi Kingston for the Intercontinental Championship!

Tonight, mixed tag!

Scott Stanford and Josh Matthews are now the announcers. Justin Roberts is now the ring announcer.

Great Khali & Yoshi Tatsu vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso. Khali is bandaged up from the beating he took on Raw from The Miz last week. Yoshi and Jimmy go at it. Yoshi hits a very wonky cradle out the corner for 2, then hits some arm drags. Usos cut Yoshi off and get the heat on him. Khali gets the lukewarm tag and… he doesn’t run wild, but he stumbles wild. Khali hits the Punjabi Plunge (tree slam) on Jimmy for the pin in 3:57. Yoshi worked the whole match, so it was fine.

Tonight, mixed tag!

WrestleMania hype.

The main event is next!

Daniel Bryan & Gail Kim vs. Tyson Kidd & Melina. Gail and Melina lock up. Melina backs Gail into the corner and cheap shots her. They do some shit. Gail gets a sunset flip for 2. Gail hits a neckbreaker and tags Bryan in. Bryan launches Gail onto Melina, then lifts her for a dropkick to Kidd. Bryan gives Kidd a dropkick of his own for 2. Bryan works Kidd’s arm. Kidd lands a dropkick to the head and puts a beating on Bryan. Kidd backs Bryan into the heel corner and beats on him. Melina chokes Bryan behind the referee’s back. Kidd continues to choking with his boot. Kidd goes for the Sharpshooter. Bryan counters and goes for the LeBell Lock. Kidd gets the ropes. Melina slaps Bryan. Gail takes her out. Bryan hits Kidd with a running knee off the apron. Gail hits Melina with a diving cross body to the floor. Insta-commercials. Bryan beats up Kidd. Kidd tags out. Gail comes in and beats up Melina. Gail applies a stretch muffler. Melina escapes and does a Matrix dodge to avoid a cross body. Melina gets the heat on Gail. Melina goes for the Hog Log, but Gail counters. Melina hits her with a split kick for 2. Melina applies a wonky submission hold and turns into a Gedo Clutch for 2. Gail turns into sort of a surfboard, then turns it into a Gedo Clutch for 2. Double “drive each others’ face into the mat” spot. Bryan and Kidd tag in. Bryan runs wild. Clothesline gets 2. Bryan lands a high kick and goes up top. Melina crotches him. Gail takes out Melina. Kidd springs up to attack Bryan, but is pushed down. Bryan and Gail hit stereo missile dropkicks. Bryan locks in the LeBell Lock for the win (9:06 shown). Fun match. Bryan and Gail celebrate.

Superstars open, pyro and ballyhoo. Tonight, Daniel Bryan takes on Ted Dibiase Jr.! Jack Korpela and Matt Striker are the first announcers. Tony Chimel is the first ring announcer.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of The Corre vs. JTG & Trent Barreta. JTG and Barreta beat up Gabriel a bit. Slater tags in and gets the advantage. The Corre cut off Barreta and get the heat on him. JTG gets the hot tag and runs wild on Slater. JTG hits the Mugshot. Gabriel saves. Clusterfuck ensues. Gabriel kicks JTG from the outside. Slater hits a reverse DDT for the pin in 4:08. It was fine.

2/21/11 will be revealed tonight… again…

Tyler Reks vs. Chris Masters. Jobber entrance for Masters, even though he beat Reks last week. They brawl. Reks gets the advantage and puts a beating on Masters. Front suplex gets 2. Reks applies a half crab. Masters gets a rope break, then counters a suplex into an inside cradle for 2. Masters hits a Samoan Drop and makes his comeback. Reks kicks him in the head. Masters counters a neckbreaker and hits a spinebuster for 2. Reks goes for a superplex. Masters fights him off and hits a diving shoulder block. Masters locks in the Master Lock to win it 2 weeks in a row in 3:27. Fine little match.

Tonight, Bryan vs. Dibiase!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Scott Stanford and Josh Matthews are now the announcers. Justin Roberts is now the ring announcer.

Santino Marella (w/ Tamina) vs. Tyson Kidd. They fuck around a bit. Kidd hides in the ropes to protect himself from the Cobra. Santino hits a shoulder block, then poses. Kidd grabs a headlock. Santino leap frogs him, then trips him on the drop down. Santino cranks on Kidd’s arm. Kidd gets pissed at this silliness and beats up Santino. Santino gets a reverse cradle for 2. Santino hits his face on the turnbuckle when he’s kicked off. Kidd avoids some wild punches and lands a forearm smash. Kidd slaps Santino’s head a bunch. Santino hulks up and makes his comeback. Kidd hits a dropkick to the side of Santino’s head for 2. Santino avoids the Superstar Elbow and hits the Cobra for the pin in 4:04. This was silly.

They show Maryse blowing off Dibiase and kissing Yoshi Tatsu during the stupid kiss cam thing on Raw last week.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse). They work a Greco-Roman knuckle lock and trade blows. Bryan lands a flurry of kicks, then a shoulder block and a dropkick. Bryan lands another kick for 2. Dibiase beats on Bryan in the corner. Bryan hits another dropkick for 2. Bryan rocks a surfboard hold. Dibiase breaks free. Bryan lands on his feet from a backdrop suplex, then does a 360 bump for a clothesline. Insta-commercials. Bryan fights out of a rest hold. Dibiase hits a backbreaker and a dropkick for 2. Dibiase keeps the heat going. Elbow smash gets 2. Dibiase chokes Bryan in the corner with his boot. Bryan back flips over Dibiase and makes his comeback. Bryan hits a corner dropkick for 2. Bryan counters the Dream Street into the Bret/Piper WrestleMania VIII pin (which I LOVE) for 2. Bryan sends Dibiase outside and lands a tope suicida. Back inside, Dibiase avoids a missile dropkick and goes for the Dream Street. He can get it, but hits a half nelson suplex instead! Cover gets 2. Yoshi Tatsu comes out in a suit and presents Maryse with flowers, which distracts Dibiase. Maryse declines Yoshi’s request for another kiss and slaps Dibiase with the flowers. Bryan locks in the LeBell Lock for the win (7:30 shown). Fine little match.

WWE open, Superstars open, pyro and ballyhoo. Jack Korpela and Matt Striker are the first announcers. Tonight, a replay of the Rock promo from Raw! Tony Chimel is the first ring announcer.

Chris Masters vs. Tyler Reks. Reks wins the lock up. Masters shoves him. Reks hides behind the referee and gets in a cheap shot. Masters rallies and goes for the Master Lock. Reks rallies and goes into ass kicking mode. Reks hits a short lariat for 2. Reks applies a Dragon sleeper. Masters kicks his way free. Reks hits a Final Cut for 2. Reks puts a beating on Masters. Masters back body drops Reks to the floor. Reks pulls Master’s head across the top rope. Masters hits a Samoan Drop and makes his comeback. Masters hits a sit-out spinebuster for 2. Reks comes off the top and gets caught in the Master Lock. Masters gets the referee stop win in 4:40. Good little match with a surprising result.

Scott Stanford and Josh Matthews are now the announcers. Justin Roberts is now the ring announcer.

David Hart Smith & Yoshi Tatsu vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso. This match again? Jey and Smith start. Smith goes for a Kimura, but gets countered. Smith gets a jackknife hold for 2. Smith hits a belly to belly suplex for 2. Smith goes a cartwheel to the corner and tags in Yoshi. Jimmy tags in on the other side. Jimmy works Yoshi over. Yoshi rallies, hits some arm drags, send Jimmy out of the ring, and takes him out with a dive. Insta-commercials. Usos cut Yoshi off and get the heat on him. Yoshi mows Jimmy down with a spin kick and makes the hot tag. Smith runs wild and hits Jey with a sit-out powerbomb. Jimmy saves. Clusterfuck ensues. The Usos pull the switcheroo. Jimmy sends Smith into the turnbuckles, then schoolboys him and grabs a handful of trunks for the pin (about 6 1/2 minutes shown). It was fine.

Still to come, Ryder & Primo vs. Santino & Kozlov!

Up next, Rock on tape!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

They show about 12 minutes of The Rock’s promo from Raw.

The main event is NEXT!

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov (w/ Tamina) vs. Zack Ryder & Primo. Santino and Ryder fuck around a bit. Santino does the headlock –> shoulder block bit. Ryder and Primo try to cut Santino off and work his arm. Santino causes a friendly fire incident between the heels and regains the initiative. They champs work over Ryder. Ryder drops Santino with a backdrop suplex and tags out. Santino throws Primo around, goes for the falling headbutt, and meets knees. The heels cut off Santino. Insta-commercials. The heels get the heat on Santino. Kozlov gets the hot tag and gets cut off. Santino tags back in. Kozlov finally runs wild. Santino hits Primo with the Cobra for the pin (6:34 shown). There ya go. The champs celebrate.

WWE open, pyro and ballyhoo. We are LIVE from Anaheim, California! Tonight, we’ll find out who’s going to host WrestleMania XXVII! Randy Orton vs. Sheamus! John Morrison vs. R-Truth! John Cena vs. CM Punk, there must be a winner! Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers. Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

John Cena comes out and talks for a while about who might be the WrestleMania host, then makes fun of Michael Cole. He starts to talk about The Nexus, but CM Punk comes out to interrupt. They banter, and now it’s match time.

John Cena vs. CM Punk. Cena wins the lock up and peppers Punk with body shots. Cena charges the corner, but Punk avoids it and Cena hits the turnbuckles, then rolls out of the ring. Punk hits a diving lariat off the apron. Commercials. Punk knees Cena in the face for 2. Punk hits a snap suplex for 2. Punk boots Cena and gets a jackknife hold for 2. Punk applies a body scissors. Cena fights out and goes for the STF, but Punk gets the ropes. Punk puts a beating on Cena. Cena makes his comeback. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Punk counters and hits a dropkick for 2. Punk applies a headscissors. Cena escapes and hits a gutwrench suplex for 2. Cena goes up top, but Punk drops him with a kick. Punk hits the running knee. Cena counters the bulldog, hit a drop toe hold, and goes for the STF. Punk counters and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep. Cena counters into a schoolboy for 2. Punk drops Cena with a high kick for 2. Punk goes for a cross body. Cena catches him and goes for the Attitude Adjustment. Punk fights it and ends up taking a bump out of the ring. A Nexus member hands Punk a chair from under the ring. Punk throws the chair in the ring and the referee turns to get rid of it. The Nexus member hands Punk a wrench, with which he hits Cena in the face. Punk hits the Go 2 Sleep for the pin in 10:37. Pretty good match.

Cole explains that Jerry Lawler isn’t here because his mother passed away. Our best to the King.

Who’s the host going to be? Commercials!

Slam of the Week: Alberto Del Rio’s attack on Edge’s arm 2 weeks ago.

Justin Roberts introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio cuts his usual promo about destiny. World Heavyweight Champion Edge interrupts. He talks for a bit, then kicks Del Rio’s ass. He goes for the spear, but Ricardo distracts him and gets decked. Edge bumps Del Rio off the apron into the barricade. Vickie Guerrero comes out and screeches. She introduces Dolph Ziggler as the new World Heavyweight Champion, presumably since Edge used the dreaded illegal running hug of doom on Smackdown. She says Ziggler will be coronated on Smackdown. This is fucking stupid. She says he has proof that Edge took out Teddy Long, then cackles. Again, this is fucking stupid.

Eve vs. Natalya is next. Commercials.

Tonight, WrestleMania host. Plus, The Miz vs. Daniel Bryan. I’m so pissed at the stupidity in the last segment that I’m not even excited.

The Divas title match is a lumberjill match for some reason. The Bella Twins, Tamina, Gail Kim, Maryse, Melina, and Alicia Fox are at ringside.

Lumberjill Match for the WWE Divas Championship: Eve Torres (c) vs. Natalya. They lock up and do a bit of chain wrestling. They both throw dropkicks, then slap hands and do some more stuff. Natalya rocks a surfboard. Eve manages to turn it into a cradle for 2. Natalya grabs a headlock. Eve hits a flip splash for 2. Natalya hits a discus lariat. Eve throws Natalya out of the ring. The Bellas attack her. Fight breaks out with all the women at ringside. Eve hits a cross body into a pile of them. Maryse looks hurt. Cole is laughing. Back inside, Eve and Natalya conk heads. Natalya goes for a la magistral, but Eve counters and gets the pin in 3:37. They tried, but this sucked. They shake hands. Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Rev Theory is in the front row.

The Bella Twins talk shit to Eve backstage, the jump her. Gail Kim and Natalya make the save. Referees try to break it up.

Chaperone trailer. Ugh.

Mark Henry comes out. Sheamus jumps him in the aisle and drops him with the brogue kick. Sheamus says that’s a message for the “fellas” in the Elimination Chamber. Henry makes it up and Sheamus gives him another brogue kick.

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan. Riley joins Cole and Matthews for commentary. They lock up. Miz gets the obligatory headlock and shoulder block, then talks shit. They lock up again. Bryan hits some arm drags and the leap frog, drop down, dropkick. Miz boots Bryan in the face and puts the boots to him. Miz applies a camel clutch. Bryan fights out and locks in a rear naked choke. Miz gets the ropes. Bryan kicks the crap out of him. Miz hits an elbow smash for 2. Miz applies a rear chin lock. Bryan fights out. They trade punches. Cole ridiculously compares Miz to the Crusher. Bryan gets rolling. A dropkick to the corner gets 2. Bryan back body drops Miz to the floor and goes for a dive. Miz avoids it. Bryan hits a flying knee off the apron. Back inside, Bryan goes up top and hits a missile dropkick for 2. Bryan goes for the LeBell Lock, but Miz is in the ropes. Miz connects with a knee lift and a neckbreaker on the apron! Commercials. Miz goes for a superplex, but Bryan counters and hits a sunset flip powerbomb for 2. Bryan lands some vicious kicks. Miz gets a schoolboy for 2. Miz gets an inside cradle for 2. Miz hits the backbreaker and goes for the neckbreaker, but Bryan counters into a German suplex. Bryan lands a head kick for 2. Miz counters the LeBell Lock and eats an elbow. Bryan goes for something, but Miz faceplants him. Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin in 11:57. Awesome match. My mood has improved. Miz cuts a promo after the match.

Who will host Mania?! Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

David Otunga & Michael McGillicutty of the New Nexus (w/ Mason Ryan) vs. John Morrison & R-Truth. This was supposed to be Morrison vs. Truth, but iBooker changed it. Truth jumps around with McGillicutty. Ryan trips Truth. McGillicutty sends Truth outside. Ryan gets in his cheap shot. McGillicutty rams Truth’s back into the apron. Back inside, cover gets 2. Otunga tags in and keeps the heat going on Truth. Otunga hits a suplex for 2, then applies a rear chin lock. Truth hits a backdrop suplex and makes the hot tag. Morrison runs wild and stomps the shit out of Otunga and McGillicutty, then kicks Mason Ryan and hip tosses Truth out of the ring onto him. Morrison hits McGillicutty with the running knee strike for the pin in 4:16. There ya go. Morrison and Truth brawl with Ryan after the match and send him out of the ring.

Plug for Chris Jericho’s new book, which I just started reading.

Anaheim!

Tonight, Orton vs. Sheamus! Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Justin Roberts introduces Ariel Winter, who plays Triple H’s daughter in that shitty movie. She screeches for a while. Great Khali and Ranjin Singh come out for the stupid Kiss Cam. The cam is going backstage too. Fans kiss. Santino Marella and Tamina kiss. Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler kiss. More fans kiss. Maryse refuses to kiss Ted Dibiase Jr. and kisses Yoshi Tatsu instead. William Regal kisses Zack Ryder on the cheek. More fans. Hornswoggle sneaks in the ring and gives Ariel a box of chocolates. She kisses him on the cheek. Hornswoggle celebrates.

Who’s going to host Mania?

Randy Orton is headed our way! Commercials!

2/21/11! Hey, that’s next week! Something’s gonna happen!

King Sheamus vs. Randy Orton. They start with a very aggressive lock up, then brawl for a while. Sheamus gets the advantage and puts a beating on Orton. Sheamus hits a slingshot shoulder block for 2. Sheamus works Orton’s shoulder. Orton fights back and gets rolling with clotheslines and a powerslam. Sheamus hits the Irish Curse for 2. Sheamus hits a superplex. Orton hits the RKO out of nowhere for the pin in 5:04. Well that was abrupt. The New Nexus jump Orton. John Morrison, R-Truth, and John Cena make the save. Orton RKOs Otunga and McGillicutty. Orton and Cena clothesline Ryan out of the ring. Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep on Orton, but fails. Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on Punk.

A limo arrives. A woman gets out. The Mania host will be revealed next!

The host of WrestleMania XXVII is… they do a really big, dramatic build up with the lights going out and shit. IT’S THE ROCK! Finally, The Rock has come back to Anaheim! To Monday Night Raw! Home! He lists off his various nicknames. He says he’s back for the fans and he’s never going away again. He makes jokes about Justin Bieber. He talks a little shit about The Miz. The iBooker dings in. Rock tells Cole to sit down and STFU just like old times. Rock plugs his Facebook page and threatens to stick the iBooker laptop up Cole’s candy ass. Rock talks A LOT of shit about John Cena, having taken offense to comments Cena made about Rock in the past. He says “ass” a lot, so apparently he didn’t get the PG memo. He finishes with the “If ya smell what The Rock is cookin’.” Rock poses while his music plays as the show closes.

Some parts of this show really sucked, and some were really good. I’m still pissed about the retarded way Ziggler got the title, but the Miz/Bryan match and the Rock stuff were pretty great.

Superstars open, pyro and ballyhoo. Scott Stanford and Josh Matthews are the first announcers. Tonight, JTG & Trent Barreta take on Tyler Reks & Curt Hawkins! Justin Roberts is the first ring announcer.

Zack Ryder and Primo come out and cut a promo about being undefeated as a tag team.

Zack Ryder & Primo vs. David Hart Smith & Yoshi Tatsu. Primo and Yoshi start with pro wrestling goodness. Yoshi hits an arm drag and lands some chops. Smith tags in and hits a powerslam for 2. Primo boots Smith in the face and tags in Ryder. Ryder and Smith do a nice wrestling exchange. Primo and Yoshi tag in and go at it again with a chop exchange. Yoshi knocks Ryder off the apron with a big chop. Primo suplexes Yoshi out of the ring. Ryder drops him. Smith checks on Yoshi. Insta-commercials. Heels get the heat on Yoshi for a while. Smith gets the hot tag and runs wild. Stall jackhammer on Ryder. Primo saves. Clusterfuck ensues. Yoshi takes out Primo with a dive. Yoshi tags in and runs wild on Ryder. Yoshi drops Ryder with a high kick for the pin (8:31 shown). Good little match.

Chaperone trailer. Ugh.

WWE.com plug.

Melina vs. Tamina. Melina begs off, then bails. The cheap shots Tamina and hides in the ropes. Tamina grabs her legs and catapults her. Melina completely misses the corner. Tamina beats up Melina some more. Melina claims that she broke her nose, but she’s playing possum. She beats up Tamina. Melina applies a weird Dragon sleeper/abdominal stretch thing. Tamina escapes and hits a backbreaker. Tamina makes her comeback. Melina pulls Tamina’s head across the top rope. Cover gets 2. Melina hits the Sunset Split for the pin in 4:56. Meh.

Tonight, JTG & Barreta vs. Reks & Hawkins!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Alberto Del Rio hype video.

Jack Korpela and Matt Striker are now the announcers.

Raw Rebound.

Tony Chimel is now the ring announcer.

The main event is NEXT!

JTG & Trent Barreta vs. Curt Hawkins & Tyler Reks. Hawkins and Barreta lock up and renew their rivalry. Reks and JTG tag in. Reks slams JTG around. Hawkins tags in. JTG boots him in the face for 2. Hawkins knocks JTG off the apron to the floor. Insta-commercials. Heels get the heat on JTG for a while. JTG weathers the storm, flapjacks Hawkins, and makes the hot tag to Barreta. Barreta runs wild. Hawkins cuts him off and hits a backdrop flapjack type thing for 2. Hawkins knocks JTG off the apron and goes up top. Barreta crotches him. JTG takes out Reks at ringside. Hawkins pushes Barreta off the top rope and hits the diving elbow drop for the pin (10:18 shown). Fine little match. Reks jumps Hawkins and gives him the modified Burning Hammer. How dastardly!

WWE open, cool PPV open, pyro and ballyhoo. We are LIVE from Boston! Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Todd Grisham are the announcers. Tony Chimel and Justin Roberts are the ring announcers.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Edge (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero). Edge can’t use the spear because Vickie is a bitch. She comes out to remind us of that in her nails on a chalkboard voice. She then chants “spear” and cackles. She then introduces Ziggler. Chimel gives in ring intros. They lock up. Edge lands some punches and puts a beating on Ziggler. Edge hits a gut buster for 2. Edge connects with a knee lift for 2. Ziggler rolls to the apron. Edge slips out, pulls him down face first onto the apron, then throws him into the barricade. Ziggler catches Edge with a shot on the way back into the ring and hits a neckbreaker for 2. Ziggler puts a beating on Edge and applies a rear chin lock. Afterward, Ziggler hits a diving sunset flip. Edge rolls through and catapults him into the corner for 2. Ziggler always takes that like a champ. Ziggler hits a neckbreaker for 2. Ziggler hits the Perfect neck snap for 2, then reapplies the rear chin lock. Edge takes a bump off the apron into the barricade. Back inside, cover gets 2. Back to the chin lock. Edge fights out. Double cross body spot. Edge avoids a charge in the corner and Ziggler eats turnbuckle again. Edge hits a flapjack and gets the momentum going. Weird faceplant thing gets 2. Ziggler hits a chin breaker for 2. Ziggler goes for the Fameasser, but Edge turns it into a powerbomb for 2. Edge goes up top. Ziggler cuts him off and goes for a superplex. Edge fights him off and hits a diving cross body. Ziggler rolls through for 2. Ziggler lands a dropkick for 2. Ziggler goes for the Zig Zag, but Edge holds into the ropes to avoid it. Edge locks in the Edgeucator. Haven’t seen that one in years. Ziggler reaches the ropes. Ziggler avoids a charge against the ropes, then hits the Fameasser for 2. Edge drops Ziggler with a big boot. He teases going for the spear, then realizes he can’t. Ziggler goes for the sleeper. Edge counters and hits the Edgecution. Vickie grabs the referee to stop the count. Vickie screams at Edge and slaps him. Ziggler almost collides with Vickie. Edge cradles him for 2. Vickie slaps at Edge some more. Shouldn’t that be a DQ, referee moron? Kelly Kelly comes out, yanks Vickie off the apron, and kicks her ass. Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for 2. Ziggler locks in the sleeper hold. Edge manages to stand up. They collide with the referee. Edge hits a backpack stunner. With Vickie and the referee dead, Edge says “fuck it” and hits the spear, then does the old Eddie Guerrero “play dead” trick. The referee wakes up. Edge gives a nod to his old buddy Christian and hits the Killswitch for the pin in 20:46. Pretty decent match.

WrestleMania commercial.

Boston!

Miz/Orton hype video.

Josh Matthews interviews WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley.

WWE Championship Match: The Miz (c) (w/ Alex Riley) vs. Randy Orton. Orton beats down Miz in the corner, then chucks him out of the ring and kicks his ass at ringside. Back inside, Orton beats the shit out of Miz some more. Riley interferes behind the referee’s back to allow Miz to get the advantage. Miz hits the corner clothesline for 2. Miz finds his stride and gets the heat going on Orton. Orton goes for a sleeper hold. Miz counters and goes for a German suplex. Orton counters and hits a backdrop suplex. Miz lands a big boot for 2. Miz goes up top. Orton crotches him and hits a superplex for 2. They trade punches. Orton hits some clotheslines and the 3.0. Miz rolls to the apron. Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Miz back body drops him the floor. Riley puts the boots to Orton behind the referee’s back. Back inside, Miz covers for 2. Miz hits a diving double axe handle for 2. Miz stretches Orton’s neck with a chin lock. On the outside, Miz catapults Orton into the post. Orton barely beats the count back into the ring and immediately tackle punches Miz. Orton gives Miz the Garvin Stomp and a knee drop for 2. Orton goes for a powerbomb. Riley distracts him. Miz hits the backbreaker/neckbreaker for 2. They counter each others’ finish. Orton hits the Angle Slam for 2. Miz bails, grabs the belt, and tries to leave. Orton clotheslines him and throws him back into the ring. Cover gets 2. Orton ducks a basement kick and schoolboys Miz for 2. Miz bails to the apron. Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER and humps the mat. The 4 lesser members of the New Nexus come out. The referee goes to tell them to leave. Riley tries to attack Orton, but Orton tosses him out of the ring and onto Nexus. Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Orton counters and hits the RKO. CM Punk appears and gives Orton the Go 2 Sleep, then puts Miz on top of Orton. Miz gets the pin in 19:50. Good match. Cole mizzes his pants again.

A bunch of fans give their Royal Rumble picks. One guy actually picks Santino Marella. I LOL’d.

We’re now set for a handicap match for the Divas Championship. The iBooker dings in. Cole reads that it will now be a Fatal Four-Way Match. Eve Torres comes out to join Natalya and LayCool.

Fatal Four-Way Match for the WWE Divas Championship: Natalya (c) vs. Michelle McCool vs. Layla vs. Eve Torres. They pair off and brawl. LayCool work together. They actually hit a double Stroke on Eve. I’ll keep my dirty comments to myself. Natalya fights back and catapults Layla into McCool. Cover on Layla, but McCool pulls her to safety. LayCool end up face to face in the ring with both of the babyfaces down outside. Natalya trips Layla. Eve schoolgirls McCool. Clusterfuck ensues. Natalya and Eve go at it. Layla intervenes. Natalya puts them in a double Sharpshooter. McCool drops Natalya with a kick. McCool covers Eve for 2. Eve gets an inside cradle on McCool. Layla saves. Layla gives Eve the Lay Out. Eve rolls to the floor. Natalya makes her comeback on LayCool. Natalya hits a Michinoku Driver II on McCool. Layla saves. Natalya beats her up in the corner. McCool accidentally boots Layla in the face. Natalya schoolgirls McCool for 2, then throws her outside. Eve throws out Natalya, then hits a moonsault press on Layla. McCool schoolgirls Natalya at the same time, but the referee doesn’t see and counts Eve’s pin over Layla in 5:12. Eve regains the title. Any match with a moonsault press finish gains points with me.

Justin Roberts gives us our annual explanation of how the Royal Rumble works. I miss Howard Finkel.

CM Punk comes out as #1. The Corre come out and jump Punk. The New Nexus come out to save their master. The Nexus and The Corre brawl. iBooker dings in at the same time I get a text message on my iPhone. That always trips me out. Cole calls for the officials to restore order and orders everyone but Punk to the back. And NOW it’s Rumble time!

Royal Rumble Match: #1 is CM Punk. #2 is WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan. They lock up. Punk grabs a side headlock and lands a shoulder block. Punk does a drop down. Bryan catches him with a dropkick, then lands a clothesline. They fail to eliminate each other. Bryan hits a missile dropkick. Punk avoids a charge in the corner. #3 is Justin Gabriel. He immediately goes after Punk. Punk sends him to the apron. Punk and Bryan clothesline each other. Gabriel says “fuck it” and goes for the 450 splash. Punk avoids it. Bryan backdrops Gabriel out of the ring to eliminate him. #4 Zack Ryder. He runs wild and hits face washes on Bryan and Punk. Bryan elevates Ryder, who hits Punk with the Rough Ryder. Bryan hip tosses Ryder out of the ring. Bryan lands some kicks on Punk. They fight over eliminating each other again. #5 is William Regal! Regal mauls some fuckers. It’s awesome. Regal blasts Punk with the knee trembler. Bryan and Regal trade European uppercuts. Punk drops Regal with a head kick. Bryan drops Punk with a head kick, then gives Regal another head kick just to make sure he’s good and dead. #6 is Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse). Dibiase runs wild briefly. Bryan kicks Regal to death some more while Dibiase tries to eliminate Punk. Bryan tries to eliminate Dibiase, but fails. #7 John Morrison. Morrison runs wild. Flying Chuck to Punk. C4 to Bryan. Regal knocks Morrison off the apron. Morrison grabs onto the barricade, walks along it, and leaps to the steps! Dibiase eliminates Regal. Morrison drops Regal with a kick for good measure. His feet never touched the ground, so he’s still in the Rumble! #8 is Yoshi Tatsu! Yoshi brawls with Dibiase and Punk while Morrison beats up Bryan in the corner. Morrison lands on his feet from a German suplex attempt by Bryan. #9 Husky Harris. He attacks everyone and guards Punk. Punk gives Bryan a backdrop suplex. #10 is Chavo Guerrero Jr. Chavo gets his moment to run wild. He hits Two Amigos on everybody, but only manages to complete the 3 on Bryan. Chavo hits Harris with a missile dropkick. #11 is Mark Henry! Somebody gone get they ass kicked! Henry eliminates Chavo. Yoshi tries to chop Henry to no avail. Henry clotheslines Yoshi out of the ring. Boo! Punk and Harris beat down Henry. #12 is JTG. He gets his moment to shine. Harris tries to eliminate Bryan. #13 is Michael McGillicutty, so there are three New Nexus guys in now. McGillicutty eliminates JTG. Everybody brawls. Harris and McGillicutty back body drop Dibiase to the floor. #14 is Chris Masters. He goes after Nexus, which isn’t that bright, because there are three of them. He hits a spinebuster on McGillicutty, then gets Punk in the Master Lock and tries to eliminate him. McGillicutty saves Punk and stomps on Masters in the corner. #15 is David Otunga. Four Nexus guys in. Punk (I think) eliminates Bryan. Boo! Nexus eliminates Masters and Morrison. I think I missed Dibiase getting eliminated somewhere. Nexus team up to dump Henry. It’s all Nexus now. #16 is Tyler Reks. He charges right in like an idiot. Nexus beats him down. Punk drops him with a head kick and eliminates him. #17 is WWE Tag Team Champion Vladimir Kozlov. Nexus beat him down. Punk tosses him. #18 is R-Truth. Another Nexus beatdown. Another elimination by Punk. Why don’t these guys just wait for a few more entrants to come in so they have a fighting chance? #19 is Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh)! Khali beats up everybody. Khali eliminates Harris. Punk begs off. Khali beats him up. #20 is Mason Ryan. We’re back to having four Nexus guys. Ryan and Khali brawl. Ryan eliminates Khali! #21 is BOOKER T! Big pop for Booker. Ryan immediately jumps him. Booker rallies and runs wild. Ryan gets a Harlem side kick. Otunga gets a scissors kick. McGillicutty gets a Book End. The epic return of the SPINAROONIE! Punk attacks Booker. Booker tries to eliminate him. Ryan saves Punk and tosses Booker. Aww. #22 is John Cena! Cena runs wild on Nexus. Cena low bridges Ryan out of the ring, then clotheslines Otunga and McGillicutty to the floor. Punk’s all alone now! They go at it. Cena counters the Go 2 Sleep. They do a double clothesline spot. #23 is… Hornswoggle. Fucking Hornswoggle. Punk knocks him down and goes back after Cena. Cena eliminates Punk with the Attitude Adjustment out of the ring. All of that build just for Super Cena to eliminate all of Nexus? Cena and Hornswoggle are working together now. #24 is Tyson Kidd. Cena and Hornswoggle double team him. Of course I’m serious. Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment. He helps Horswoggle hit one as well. Tyson is probably seriously rethinking his career choice right now. Cena dumps Kidd. #25 is Heath Slater. Cena gives him shoulder blocks. Hornswoggle gives Slater a stunner. Cena and Hornswoggle do a double Five Knuckle Shuffle. So a Ten Knuckle Shuffle? Hornswoggle hits the tadpole splash. Cena tosses Slater. #26 is WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston. Cena and Kofi look up at the big WrestleMania sign, then lock up. Kofi leapfrogs Cena and connects with an elbow. Kofi hits corner punches. Cena hits a clothesline. #27 is Jack Swagger. Swagger runs wild. He’s not playing nice. Swagger hits Vader Bombs on Cena and Kingston. Swagger stalks Hornswoggle after he starts some shit. Kofi hits Swagger with a diving cross body. Kingston uses Hornswoggle as a springboard to hit the Boom Drop. #28 is Sheamus! Sheamus beats up everyone. Hornswoggle wants to fight. Sheamus casually shoves him down. Hornswoggle hits Sweet Shin Music. Sheamus tries to toss him, but is saved by Cena. Hornswoggle goes for the tadpole splash, but Sheamus recovers and eliminates him with the brogue kick. Thank God. #29 is Rey Mysterio Jr. Mysterio runs wild and hits lots of flippy twirly moves. He goes for the 619 on Swagger, but Sheamus cuts him off. Kofi hits Sheamus with the Trouble In Paradise. Mysterio sends Swagger to the apron, then eliminates him with the 619. #30 is Wade Barrett. Barrett beats up everyone. #31 is Dolph Ziggler. So he gets a title shot and a Rumble spot? He looks sore from earlier, but he sucks it up and beats up everyone. There are a few near eliminations. #32 is DIESEL! Motherfucking Diesel! The crowd LOVES him. Diesel runs wild in his slow, plodding way. A fucking “DIESEL!” chant in 2011! #33 is Drew McIntyre. McIntyre and Sheamus beat down Diesel, who the crowd still LOVES. Mysterio finally gets revenge for that lawn dart thing and hits Diesel with a 619. Barrett and Diesel brawl. Sheamus and McIntyre are working together. #34 is Alex Riley (w/ WWE Champion The Miz). Cole marks out. Diesel misses a big boot, crotches himself, and gets eliminated by Barrett. The crowd DOES NOT like that. Cole does like it when Miz joins the commentary team. #35 is The Big Show. He and Diesel stare at each other in the aisle. Show hits the ring and runs wild. Show chokeslams Barrett, then tosses Ziggler. #36 is Ezekiel Jackson. Show eliminates Ziggler. Zeke runs wild and eliminates Big Show! Zeke kicks ass. He and Barrett work together. #37 is WWE Tag Team Champion Santino Marella. Marella tries to beat up Zeke. Zeke yells at him. Sheamus drops Santino the the brogue kick. Santino rolls under the bottom rope to the floor. Zeke and Barrett try to eliminate Cena. #38 is Alberto Del Rio, introduced by Ricardo Rodriguez. He’s in no hurry to get in the ring. #39 is Randy Orton. He attacks Del Rio in the aisle and throws him into the steps, then into the ring. RKOs to Del Rio, Sheamus, and Kofi. Orton tosses Kofi, then clotheslines Sheamus out of the ring. Orton and Sheamus face off. #40 is Kane. He runs wild until he’s cut off by Big Zeke. Kane low bridges Zeke out of the ring. Mysterio eliminates Kane. Barrett eliminates Mysterio. Final four are Cena, Barrett, Del Rio, and Orton. They pair off and brawl. Cena and Orton beat up the heels, then face off again. They brawl. They counters each others’ finishes. Barrett attacks Cena again. Barrett beats up Orton while Del Rio beats up Cena. Cena gives Del Rio the Attitude Adjustment. Alex Riley comes back. Cena decks him. Miz sneaks in and eliminates Cena! Cena is pissed. Barrett and Del Rio beat down Orton. Orton makes his comeback. Powerslam on Barrett. 3.0 on Del Rio. Orton humps the mat. Orton eliminates Barrett. Del Rio dumps Orton to win the Rumble in 1:08:42. BUT WAIT! SANTINO IS UP! And he was never eliminated! Santino hits the Cobra! Santino dances around like a goof. Del Rio throws him out to win the Rumble for real in 1:09:54. Ricardo goes crazy. Funniest Rumble finish ever! Del Rio points at the WrestleMania sign as some pyro goes off behind it. Ricardo keeps yelling “ALBERTO DEL RIO!” Awesome.

Superstars open, pyro and ballyhoo. Jack Korpela and Matt Striker are the first announcers. Tony Chimel is the first ring announcer.

Trent Barreta vs. Tyler Reks. They lock up. Reks powers Barreta into the corner. Barreta slips out and grabs a side headlock. Reks throws him down. Barreta replies with a slap and a forearm. Reks bails, then comes back in and tries to bully Barreta more. Barreta won’t take the bullying, but is soon overcome by power. Reks puts a hurting on Barreta while the announcers talk about how Reks hunts elk with his bare hands. Reks pulls Barreta into the post and stretches him. Barreta lands a kick on Reks coming back into the ring, then drops him with a dropkick. Barreta lands an enzuigiri, then hits a clothesline for 2. Barreta lands on his feet froma backdrop suplex and lands a knee strike for 2. Barreta tries to springboard, but Reks kicks him down. Reks hits his sort of Burning Hammer for the pin in 5:20. Good little match.

NXT recap.

Tonight, R-Truth takes on Tyson Kidd! That’s a pretty sweet match.

WWE.com plug.

Scott Stanford and Josh Matthews are now the announcers. Justin Roberts is now the ring announcer.

Zack Ryder and Primo come out and cut a promo about how they’re overlooked. They’re disappointed that the crowd doesn’t give a shit about them.

Zack Ryder & Primo vs. David Hart Smith & Yoshi Tatsu. Smith and Ryder lock up. Smith hits an arm drag. They roll around and do a cool little bit of wrestling. Yoshi tags in and lands some kicks. Ryder gets away and tags out. Yoshi gets Primo with a la magistral for 2. Yoshi hits some swank arm drags and cranks on Primo’s arm. Yoshi and Smith make quick tags and take turns working over Primo. Smith boots Primo off the apron the floor. Insta-commercials. Primo has Smith in a chin lock on the ground. Ryder and Primo got the advantage via heel chicanery during the break. They make lots of tags and keep the heat on Smith. Smith drops Ryder with a backdrop suplex and makes the hot tag. Yoshi runs wild on Primo. Yoshi hits a Shining Wizards for 2. He goes up top and hits the diving spin kick. Ryder saves. Smith tries to powerbomb Ryder, but Primo sends them both out of the ring. Primo hits the Backstabber on Yoshi for the pin (7:54 shown). Fine little match.

Truth vs. Kidd TONIGHT!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Dolph Ziggler hype video.

Royal Rumble “By The Numbers” video and hype for the title matches.

R-Truth comes out. The main event is NEXT!

R-Truth vs. Tyson Kidd. Truth dances. Kidd is unimpressed. They trade arm locks. Truth wins and yells “What’s Up!” Kidd gets a side headlock takeover and scores a shoulder block. They trade some more holds. Truth lands a shoulder block. Kidd looks taken aback. Kidd beats on Truth in the corner. Truth flips around and hits a hip toss. Truth hits a clothesline that sends them both to the floor. Insta-commercials. Kidd has a rear chin lock. He keeps the heat going. Truth hits a flapjack and makes his comeback. Truth hits a suplex stunner. Cover, but Kidd manages to grab the bottom rope. Second cover also gets 2. Kidd avoids the scissors kick and hits a dropkick for 2. Kidd goes for the Sharpshooter, but Truth kicks him out of the ring. Kidd gets a reverse cradle for 2. Truth gets a schoolboy for 2. Truth hits the Paydirt (now called the What’s Up) for the pin (7:47 shown). Is it WWE policy that there HAS to be a black guy on the roster who uses that as his finish? Fine match, though.