Daniel A. Millerhttps://www.danielamiller.com
Fri, 26 Oct 2018 20:47:38 +0000en-UShourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.8Challenges of Accepting People and Things as They Arehttps://www.danielamiller.com/2018/10/26/challenges-of-accepting-people-and-things-as-they-are/
https://www.danielamiller.com/2018/10/26/challenges-of-accepting-people-and-things-as-they-are/#commentsFri, 26 Oct 2018 20:40:36 +0000https://www.danielamiller.com/?p=2816There are formidable challenges to accepting people and things as they are. In the Gifts of Acceptance: Embracing People and Things as They Are I explore in depth how to overcome the main obstacles to practicing acceptance. As part of my efforts to help “Make Acceptance Go Viral,” I recently wrote an article for the popular blog, Purpose […]

]]>There are formidable challenges to accepting people and things as they are. In theGifts of Acceptance: Embracing People and Things as They Are I explore in depth how to overcome the main obstacles to practicing acceptance. As part of my efforts to help “Make Acceptance Go Viral,” I recently wrote an article for the popular blog, Purpose Fairy, entitled “Four Obstacles to Practicing Acceptance–and How to Overcome Them,” which is reproduced below. I hope you find it helpful in practicing acceptance.

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“More and more people in all walks of life are coming to understand the importance of acceptance to their overall well-being, not the least of which is the vital role it plays in improving (and healing) family, love, work and interpersonal relationships. Acceptance leads to a life marked by realistic expectations, greater humility, and new choices, discoveries, and possibilities, as well as reduced sorry, stress, and frustrations—a life where hope replaces despair.

The acceptance paradigm is the very essence of The Serenity Prayer andthe widely practiced 12 Step Programs. It is an intrinsic part of many spiritual beliefs and practices and fundamental to most mind, body and spirit teachings.

Recognizing the benefits of acceptance is not difficult. Why, then, is it that we—myself included—find it so difficult to “practice acceptance”? And why do we continue to direct, pressure, resist, criticize, manipulate—almost anything except accept our powerlessness over others and most things.

Overcoming Four Major Obstacles to Practicing Acceptance

I have given serious thought to this quandary and how we can overcome or at least minimize it. I have done extensive research, reflected on my own experience with hardships, and interviewed people who are blessed with the serenity of living in acceptance, even in the most discouraging situations.

In doing so, I have come to believe there are at least four fundamental, interrelated obstacles to our being able to effectively practice acceptance.

We Are Too Fearful.

Fear is a powerful acceptance blocker. We are fearful that if we accept the way others are, we—or they– will somehow be harmed. For example, if we allow our children to schedule their homework or study for tests as they see fit, we may be fearful that they will falter at school (and not get into college!) Similarly, if we accept annoying aspects and quirks of another’s personality, we may be afraid we would be giving up too much of (or not be able to fend for) ourselves.

Consequently, facing and processing such acceptance fears make it much easier to accept others and things as they are. Our fears are mostly illusory or speculative. Apt acronyms for FEAR are False EvidenceAppearing Real and Future Events Already Ruined. Think about this for a moment. Isn’t it the case that most of our fears are based on suppositions, speculations concerning events that haven’t yet occurred? If you constantly remind yourself of this, your fears will not undermine you.

We Expect Too Much of Others.

Simply put, if we expect, we can’t accept! We thus need to lower or moderate our expectations of others in order to accept them as they are.

Our expectations are often based on our perceived needs that we look to others to satisfy. The real truth is that only wecan satisfy our core needs.

To help moderate your expectations, here are three pertinent questions you can ask yourself:

Are there any unfulfilled needs of mine underlying my expectations of another person?

Am I looking for him to fulfill those needs?

Can she realistically fulfill those needs– even if she wanted to?

We Lack Trust and Faith.

Many of us simply do not trust or have faith that things will work out okay (or that we will be okay) if we accept “what is.” At work, for example, we may be struggling with a complex business problem over which we have very little influence, yet are reticent to let it “play out” naturally because we don’t have faith that the outcome will be positive.

Trust and faith can be fostered by remembering that almost always there are multiple paths to acceptable destinations and solutions. You need only look back on your past life experiences and travails to realize this is the case. I have found that it helps to verbalize trust; i.e., “I trust that (fill in the blank) will work out okay”, “I trust that I will overcome this challenge.”

We Are Not Humble Enough.

Accepting people and things as they are requires humility. We have to be willing to let go of such beliefs as “my way is the best or right way” and “I know what’s best for others.” We need to understand that what works well for us might not work well for others–particularly our loved ones, children, and family.

It helps if we realize that we are not nearly as omniscient or omnipotent as we are prone to believe. Everyone is unique and responds to events and challenges differently. To believe that our way is best for others borders on arrogance.

An Acceptance Challenge!

Overcoming these acceptance obstacles—even partially—enhances practicing acceptance. Thus, during this week I challenge you to focus on accepting people and things as they are—which is to say accepting life on life’s terms—by reducing your expectations, being more humble, addressing your fears, and trusting that everything will turn out as it is meant to me.

In doing so, I am confident The Gifts of Acceptance await you!”

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I would be very interested in learning about what obstacles have made it difficult for you to accept people and things as they are and how you have overcome or mitigated their impact.

In the meantime, remember to

Let It Go–and Accept “What Is.”

….andLet’s Help Make Acceptance Go Viral!

Danny

*If you like this post, please “like it” on your Facebook page and share it with your friends.

**I am excited to let you know that The Gifts of Acceptance is now available as an audiobook on audible.com.

]]>https://www.danielamiller.com/2018/10/26/challenges-of-accepting-people-and-things-as-they-are/feed/2The Gifts of Accepting Our Children’s Addictionshttps://www.danielamiller.com/2018/07/28/the-gifts-of-accepting-our-childrens-addictions/
https://www.danielamiller.com/2018/07/28/the-gifts-of-accepting-our-childrens-addictions/#commentsSat, 28 Jul 2018 21:28:06 +0000https://www.danielamiller.com/?p=2747Some people–maybe even you–upon reading the title of this post might immediately retort something like, “Gifts? What do you mean mean gifts? My child’s addiction has been nothing but a horrendous burden for us.” I understand your frustration. I really do. I have friends who have suffered tremendously in dealing with their children’s debilitating drug […]

]]>Some people–maybe even you–upon reading the title of this post might immediately retort something like, “Gifts? What do you mean mean gifts? My child’s addiction has been nothing but a horrendous burden for us.”

I understand your frustration. I really do. I have friends who have suffered tremendously in dealing with their children’s debilitating drug and alcohol addictions. Household theft, deceit, manipulation, and violence are not uncommon.

Most parents will do almost anything to keep their children off the streets, in school, and out of jail. When going through such hell, parents have difficulty conceiving that accepting their children’s addictions could be of any benefit.

My friend Mike, however, found unexpected gifts after finally accepting his son’s drug and alcohol addictions.

His youngest son, Justin, was addicted to drugs and alcohol since his early teens. Mike and his wife, Alison, constantly tried to help Justin overcome his addiction and stay out of trouble by enforcing strict discipline, hovering over him, pleading and trying to reason with him, and paying expensive legal fees. Nothing worked. Justin was in and out of rehab on multiple occasions before he turned twenty-one, all without success. After he came of age, he went to rehab three more times before he turned thirty years old, also without success.

Like most parents in such situations, Mike and Alison’s lives were governed by fear and extreme worry and anxiety. Their own relationship deteriorated as their lives spun more and more out of control. Mike shared with me, “It got so crazy that one time, I chased my son down the street at 4:00 a.m. in my underwear, screaming at him to get back in the house.”

Yet, if you saw Mike today, you would notice someone with a bright face and smile and a wonderful sense of humor.

“So what had changed?” I asked him.

Mike told me, “I finally realized—and accepted—that there was absolutely nothing I could do to control or cure Justin’s addiction. I knew it was simply beyond my power to do, and importantly, that my wife and I weren’t responsible for where he is at today in his life. The reality is that he is a very sick person suffering from a debilitating disease. All my efforts to help him were fruitless and likely made matters worse for him.

“I call Justin daily and let him know how much I love and care for him. But I also accept his addiction for what it is—a lascivious disease that only he has the power to overcome, God willing. As a result, a tremendous burden and extreme stress have been lifted from our shoulders.”

Mike’s story illustrates several important aspects of acceptance. One is that acceptance does not mean you excuse or condone someone’s behavior. Nor does it mean we have to negate our values and principles or not take care of ourselves.

It simply means that you accept the underlying reality of the situation or person without judgment or other negative feelings such as fear, anger, and resentment (or at least minimally so).

This even-keeled type of acceptance enables us to recognize the choices and opportunities that serve us best even in the most discouraging situations, such as dealing with our children’s addictions. Why? With acceptance, the focus changes from others to you—and what you can do to better serve your own needs.

Moreover, as in the case of Mike and Alison, accepting a child’s addiction as something that you are powerless over removes guilt and shame and brings greater serenity—no small gifts, to be sure.

Please Share Your Experiences and Knowledge about this important subjectin the comment section below.

In the meantime, remember to

Let It Go–and Accept “What Is.”

….and Let’s Help Make Acceptance Go Viral!

Danny

*If you like this post, please “like it” on your Facebook page and share it with your friends.

p.s. I am very grateful for the positive reviews The Gifts of Acceptance is receiving.

“Best-selling author Miller (Losing Control, Finding Serenity) learned the hard way that his control-driven lifestyle wasn’t working and that only by letting go of the reins would he find more tranquility . . . to accept life on life’s terms . . . to welcome what is instead of what one hopes the world to be. VERDICT: A solid reminder to enjoy the life we’ve been given. Highly recommended.”

–Starred Review, Library Journal

“The common challenges to acceptance, from one’s parents to setbacks and failure, are each profiled in chapters that use case histories and author experiences to illustrate the predicament and the contrast between controlling and accepting behavior patterns. The result is an informational title packed with strategies, tools, and tips for negotiating ups and downs with a new paradigm for living a better life.”

]]>https://www.danielamiller.com/2018/07/28/the-gifts-of-accepting-our-childrens-addictions/feed/2The Link Between Acceptance and Recoveryhttps://www.danielamiller.com/2018/06/11/the-acceptancerecovery-link/
https://www.danielamiller.com/2018/06/11/the-acceptancerecovery-link/#respondTue, 12 Jun 2018 02:42:05 +0000https://www.danielamiller.com/?p=2702In a previous post, The Link between Addiction and Control, I considered whether a pertinent connection exists between addiction and control. I hypothesized that because the internal lives of most addicts are so out of control, they attempt to manage their uncomfortable emotions and feelings of powerlessness by exerting strong outward forms of control. This […]

]]>In a previous post, The Link between Addiction and Control, I considered whether a pertinent connection exists between addiction and control. I hypothesized that because the internal lives of most addicts are so out of control, they attempt to manage their uncomfortable emotions and feelings of powerlessness by exerting strong outward forms of control. This blog post was shared more times than any other in the seven-year history of this blog. Many readers agreed that addiction and control are connected, and many others did not.

Given acceptance’s strong impact on control, I have been thinking about its relationship to addiction and recovery. What are the links, if any, among the three? Some pertinent questions come to mind:

Do addicts need to accept that they are powerless over their addiction before they can recover from it?

Do most addicts live in denial of their addiction and the impact it has on their lives—and the lives of others? Does this denial lessen with time?

Does greater acceptance weaken their addiction, and conversely, does a stronger addiction weaken their ability to accept?

For the purposes of this blog post, I define acceptance as the recognition of the underlying reality or truth of a person or situation, withoutjudgment or other negative feelings—or at least minimally so. True acceptance is even keeled. (I devote an entire chapter to this complex subject in my new book.)

As is so often the case, questions such as the above are much easier to ask than to definitively answer. Much depends on one’s personal experiences and beliefs, and sometimes maybe is the best answer. That doesn’t mean, however, that we can’t or shouldn’t have a productive dialogue on such issues, particularly if it can help us and others.

In that spirit, I will start the dialogue by offering my views on whether acceptance is necessary for recovery from addiction.

Acceptance as a Key to Recovery

I believe acceptance is indeed a prerequisite to recovery. The addict must accept that his alcohol, drug, or other harmful substance abuse or compulsive behavior has made important areas of his life unmanageable. As such, the addict must shine the light of awareness on any denial. Unfortunately, for many addicts, that first requires hitting bottom.

On the other hand, acceptance alone is not enough for recovery. Addictions are so powerful that more than just acceptance is needed to overcome them. Recovery also requires the willingness and commitment—and, I believe, the courage—to change self-destructive life patterns. However, even those may not be enough.

Hence, I believe that acceptance is a necessary but not sufficient precondition for recovery.

The Gifts of Acceptance

In The Gifts of Acceptance, I use inspiring true stories to describe the many gifts that acceptance can bestow upon all of us. Practicing acceptance allows us to enjoy greater trust, openness, and intimacy with our loved ones and friends; lifts self-imposed burdens; and reduces worry and stress. It also reveals meaningful life choices and opportunities.

For the addict, acceptance can also initiate the challenging journey to the most life-transforming gift of all: recovery.

Please continue the dialogue by sharing your views, experiences, and beliefs concerning the impact of acceptance on addiction and recovery.

In the meantime, remember to

Let It Go—and Accept What Is!

….And Help Make Acceptance Go Viral!

Danny

*If you enjoyed this post, please “like” it on your Facebook page and share it with others.

Special Announcements:

I am very excited to report that The Gifts of Acceptance received a starred “Highly Recommended” review in the May 1, 2018 edition of the Library Journal and is the #1 Amazon New Release–12 Step Programs and an Amazon Codependency best seller.

]]>https://www.danielamiller.com/2018/06/11/the-acceptancerecovery-link/feed/0Keys to Moving from Denial to Acceptancehttps://www.danielamiller.com/2018/05/07/keys-to-moving-from-denial-to-acceptance/
https://www.danielamiller.com/2018/05/07/keys-to-moving-from-denial-to-acceptance/#respondMon, 07 May 2018 15:51:19 +0000https://www.danielamiller.com/?p=2615Overcoming denial is a prerequisite to acceptance. You can’t accept “what is” when you are in denial, because you are unaware of or can’t “see”the underlying reality of the situation or person. Simply put, you can’t accept when you deny. In my previous post,Letting Go of Denial, I discussed the denial dynamic and its adverse […]

An essential key to the process is being willing to reexamine deeply ingrained beliefs, so that we can gain a greater awareness of when, how, and what we are denying. In the book’s chapter on denial, I list pertinent self-inquiries aimed at gaining the awareness necessary to let go of denial.

Here are three of them:

“Is an important area of my life becoming unmanageable? If so, why?”

“Am I avoiding dealing with something, and if so, what?”

“Am I engaging in wishful thinking about something, and if so, what?”

I encourage you to apply these inquiries so that you can get to the heart of any denial issues you may be experiencing. Please let me know what you learn.

On another subject, I am very excited and gratified that The Gifts of Acceptance has been receiving such great critical praise. Below is a recent editorial review.

Through May 15, you can preorder the ebook at the introductory price of only $2.99 at Amazon. The print book will be released on May 28.

In the meantime,

Let it Go–and Accept What Is!

Let’s Help Make Acceptance Go Viral!

Danny

*If you enjoyed this post, please “like” it on your Facebook page and share it with others.

**”The common challenges to acceptance, from one’s parents to setbacks and failure, are each profiled in chapters that use case histories and author experiences to illustrate the predicament and the contrast between controlling and accepting behavior patterns. The result is an informational title packed with strategies, tools, and tips for negotiating ups and downs with a new paradigm for living a better life.” –D. Donovan, Senior Reviewer, Midwest Book Review

]]>https://www.danielamiller.com/2018/05/07/keys-to-moving-from-denial-to-acceptance/feed/0The Gifts of Acceptance Special Preorder Pricehttps://www.danielamiller.com/2018/03/03/gifts-acceptance-special-preorder-price/
https://www.danielamiller.com/2018/03/03/gifts-acceptance-special-preorder-price/#respondSat, 03 Mar 2018 17:12:39 +0000https://www.danielamiller.com/?p=2567 I am very excited to let you know that the ebook of my new book, The Gifts of Acceptance: Embracing People And Things as They Are, can now be preordered through Amazon. A special $2.99 preorder price is available until May 15, 2018, and no payment is due until you receive the book in May. […]

I am very excited to let you know that the ebook of my new book, The Gifts of Acceptance: Embracing People And Things as They Are, can now be preordered through Amazon.

A special $2.99 preorder price is available until May 15, 2018, and no payment is due until you receive the book in May. Click Here to preorder. After May 15, 2018 the paperback will be available at Amazon.com, B.N. com, and through your favorite bookseller, and the ebook will be available through Amazon, Apple Itunes, and B.N. com.

The book illustrates the profound blessings (including inspiring true stories) of accepting our loved ones, children, friends, parents, siblings, and others, as well as life’s challenges and adversities. It offers tools, intentions, and strategies for practicing acceptance so you can live a more serene life. (A more detailed description of the book and a preview chapter can be found Here)

I believe the importance of acceptance is universal, and the world needs it now more than ever!

]]>https://www.danielamiller.com/2018/03/03/gifts-acceptance-special-preorder-price/feed/0Acceptance Intentions for 2018https://www.danielamiller.com/2018/01/12/acceptance-intentions-2018/
https://www.danielamiller.com/2018/01/12/acceptance-intentions-2018/#respondFri, 12 Jan 2018 17:02:39 +0000http://blog.losingcontrolfindingserenity.com/?p=2165 It is a constant challenge to practice acceptance, especially when the stakes seem high or the circumstances dire, or when our resentments are strong. My forthcoming book due this spring, The Gifts of Acceptance:Embracing People and Things as They Are, offers effective tools and strategies for practicing acceptance in our important relationships and life […]

It is a constant challenge to practice acceptance, especially when the stakes seem high or the circumstances dire, or when our resentments are strong. My forthcoming book due this spring, The Gifts of Acceptance:Embracing People and Things as They Are, offers effective tools and strategies for practicing acceptance in our important relationships and life circumstances. (You can download a free preview chapter here)

Most chapters include acceptance intentions aimed at facilitating acceptance of people and things as they are. Below are some of my acceptance intentions for 2018.

From much experience, I know full well that I will not always be able to fulfill these intentions. However, I also know that even partial success often results in meaningful, and often unexpected, gifts.

What are your acceptance intentions for 2018? I encourage you to formulate your own—and please share them with me and others in the comment section of this post.

Here’s wishing you,

Greater Serenity in 2018!

And remember to,

Let It Go– and Accept What Is!

Danny

If you enjoyed this post, please “like” it on your Facebook page and share it with others.

]]>https://www.danielamiller.com/2018/01/12/acceptance-intentions-2018/feed/0How to Let Go of Holiday Stress and Anxietyhttps://www.danielamiller.com/2017/11/14/how-to-let-go-of-stress-and-anxiety-during-the-holidays-2/
https://www.danielamiller.com/2017/11/14/how-to-let-go-of-stress-and-anxiety-during-the-holidays-2/#commentsTue, 14 Nov 2017 20:00:02 +0000http://blog.losingcontrolfindingserenity.com/?p=1556The holiday season is a time of great stress and anxiety for most people. We are forced to plod through heavy traffic, wade through crowded stores with too few sales clerks, incur unwanted financial burdens, and attend family gatherings fraught with unresolved issues and conflicts amongst members. Thus, it comes as no surprise when we […]

]]>The holiday season is a time of great stress and anxiety for most people. We are forced to plod through heavy traffic, wade through crowded stores with too few sales clerks, incur unwanted financial burdens, and attend family gatherings fraught with unresolved issues and conflicts amongst members.

Thus, it comes as no surprise when we repeatedly hear the proverbial, “I just dread the holidays.”

I have a solution for much of your holiday anxiety: Let Go of Control!

Holiday pressures exacerbate our tendency to rush, to press, to resist, to direct, to expect, and to criticize—all tension-creating control devices.

Wouldn’t you enjoy yourself much more during the holidays if you were able to take it easy and feel everything would work out okay?

You can—by letting go of control. Here are some holiday decontrol tips that will assist you.

1. Lower Your Expectations

Try not to expect too much of others, especially family. As I’ve cautioned in prior posts, high expectations often lead to disappointment and resentment—and the harmful control actions warned against in recovery books. It is much better to have little or no expectations of how people will be or act. After all, they’re likely feeling holiday pressures themselves. And don’t assume or anticipate conflict or discord with others based on past history and experiences.

For example, if you are concerned about sitting at the same table with your wayward brother or sister at a holiday dinner or party, don’t make any assumptions—good or bad—about what might happen. Instead trust that you will be able to disengage (i.e., let go) from any problem that might occur and still enjoy the reunion.

2. Be Patient

Allow holiday “currents” to progress and evolve naturally, rather than pressing for resolutions. Life is always in a constant state of motion—shifting and ebbing and flowing—even more so during the holiday rush. Focus on being calm and grounded, and wait for the currents to flow your way. Then engage them intuitively, rather than forcefully. To better do this, plan some alone time for yourself each day, whether to meditate, journal, take a short walk, or just do something fun.

3. Keep Things Simple

Don’t complicate things by over planning and over thinking. Don’t fret about all the “what ifs” and “what could happens.” Worrying only plants the seeds for those things to happen! Instead, trust that everything will work out as it was meant to be. By keeping things simple you will save considerable time and energy and reduce stress and tension for yourself and those around you.

4. Address and process your “Personal Truths”

Addressing our unwanted feelings is a critical component of reducing the compulsion to control. I devote an entire chapter to embracing your Personal Truths in Losing Control, Finding Serenity.

In simple terms, this involves identifying and processing the negative feelings that compel us to control, such as fear, anger, anxiety, insecurity and the like.

For example, if you are feeling anxious because of all the things you feel you want or need to do during the holidays, rather than forging “past” your anxiety, take a few minutes to get in touch with it. Start by trying to feel it internally, even physically. Take some slow, deep breaths and really tap in to it. As many recovery books suggest, “Embrace” it, if you will. Ask yourself how important is it that everything gets done “right now?” What terrible things might happen if you don’t? The truth of the matter is that most things are not as important as we imagine or project them to be.

Though it may sound counterintuitive, so acknowledging and processing your stress and anxiety will lessen their “grip” over you.

If you try these “decontrol” tips I am confident you will enjoy the holidays more. You might even look forward to them!

In closing, I would like to wish you a very peaceful holiday season. And remember to,

Let It Go!

Danny

*If you enjoyed this post, please “like it” on our Facebook page and share it with your friends.

]]>https://www.danielamiller.com/2017/11/14/how-to-let-go-of-stress-and-anxiety-during-the-holidays-2/feed/1Are Recovery Books Only for Addicts?https://www.danielamiller.com/2017/11/08/recovery-books-addicts/
https://www.danielamiller.com/2017/11/08/recovery-books-addicts/#respondThu, 09 Nov 2017 00:45:18 +0000http://blog.losingcontrolfindingserenity.com/?p=2140The primary purpose of most recovery books is to help those suffering from substance abuse find ways to “recover” from their debilitating addictions, including their obsession and compulsion to drink and “use.” However, the question can be asked: Are recovery books only for addicts? Which is to say, can they also help people who “suffer” […]

The primary purpose of most recovery books is to help those suffering from substance abuse find ways to “recover” from their debilitating addictions, including their obsession and compulsion to drink and “use.”

However, the question can be asked: Are recovery books only for addicts? Which is to say, can they also help people who “suffer” emotionally, physically, and spiritually from other unhealthy propensities and compulsions?

I believe the answer is yes in most cases.

Some recovery books, for example, can help people reduce the propensity to constantly enable their children and loved ones to their detriment; overcome the procrastination and stagnancy of being frozen by their fear, anger, and anxiety; alleviate the harms resulting from the strong need to control others; and mitigate the disharmony and discord from the unwillingness to accept people and things as they are.

While not specifically intended as such, in many ways my book Losing Control, Finding Serenity (LCFS) is a recovery book, and I am grateful that it has received interest from those in or seeking recovery. At the same time, it resonates strongly with people wishing to reduce their propensity towards co-dependency, their compulsion to control others, and their constant struggle with fear, anger and rage—all of which deprive them of peace and serenity.

*At various times LCFS has been in the Amazon top 100 in the categories of co-dependency, twelve steps, personal growth and transformation, and self-help.

One reason I believe that recovery books can also help others is that the precepts of powerlessness and acceptance that many propound as a prerequisite to recovery—specifically, the addict’s powerlessness over abusive substances and acceptance of how it severely impacts his or her life—can also be applied to other debilitating conditions and circumstances.

For example, people are essentially powerless over such situations and conditions as:

A child’s learning disability.

A loved one’s character flaws.

Parents’ inability to outwardly express love.

Co-workers’ or bosses being uncaring or overbearing.

Physical limitations and infirmities.

Accepting that we are powerless over such circumstances and conditions reveals realistic options and choices that can mitigate our pain and suffering and thereby improve our lives. Simply put, with acceptance comes choice.

In writing my forthcoming book, The Gifts of Acceptance: Embracing People and Things as They Are, it is my hope that it will benefit both those seeking recovery from addictions and addictive behavior and those whose serenity and well-being are impacted by other harmful propensities, attitudes, and behavior patterns, such as denial, unreasonable expectations, arrogance, and the unwillingness to accept “what is.” (A preview chapter of the book can be downloaded by clicking here.)

What is your view on this subject?

Do you agree that recovery books can help others with their life challenges and struggles? Have you personally benefited from a recovery book or know of someone who has? Or do you disagree with the proposition? Please share your views.

In the meantime, remember to

Let it Go—and Accept What Is!

Danny

*If you enjoyed this post, please “like” it on your Facebook page and share it with others.

]]>https://www.danielamiller.com/2017/11/08/recovery-books-addicts/feed/0Does Accepting Others as They Are Really Help?https://www.danielamiller.com/2017/11/02/does-accepting-others-as-they-are-really-help-2/
https://www.danielamiller.com/2017/11/02/does-accepting-others-as-they-are-really-help-2/#commentsThu, 02 Nov 2017 16:56:11 +0000http://blog.losingcontrolfindingserenity.com/?p=1389In these highly divisive, hectic, and chaotic times, acceptance of others as they are is more vital than ever to our overall well-being and contentment. This is confirmed by the most highlighted reader quote from Amazon’s best selling eBook version of Losing Control, Finding Serenity: “The degree to which you accept people, places, and things […]

]]>In these highly divisive, hectic, and chaotic times, acceptance of others as they are is more vital than ever to our overall well-being and contentment. This is confirmed by the most highlighted reader quote from Amazon’s best selling eBook version of Losing Control, Finding Serenity:

“The degree to which you accept people, places, and things for who, what, and how they are is the degree to which you will have serenity in your life.”

Yet while more and more people comeg to realize the importance of accepting others as they are, many others don’t feel that it really helps.

A common refrain I often hear is, “I accept the way she or he is, but that doesn’t help the situation or make me feel any better.”

This dichotomy of views likely lays in what is meant by acceptance.

For me, true acceptance means accepting others as they are—without judgment or resentment (or other negative emotions and feelings).

Hence, my response to those that say that acceptance doesn’t work for them is that they aren’t really practicing it. Such people may say they are accepting of others, but it is invariably accompanied with residual anger, resentment, or other negative feelings—and thus isn’t true acceptance.

What makes accepting others as they are so very difficult for most of us is that,

We must do it without harboring negative feelings toward the other person.

Yet if we are to be able to let go, move on, and recognize and act upon the realistic and often beneficial choices available to us even in the most discouraging and debilitating of situations, we must accept others dispassionately.

That requires us to find ways in which to defuse, or at least significantly diminish, our fears, our anxieties, our resentments, and the like, that are stirred up by how others act and are. In this regard, it helps to understand that acceptance does not mean that we need condone or excuse what we dislike or find distasteful about another, but simply that we recognize that it is beyond our power to meaningfully change the person.

Consequently, the answer to whether accepting others helps is—YES.

It’s not easy to do, but well worth the effort. For some guidance, please click here to see my post, “5 Keys to Practicing Acceptance.”

Please share with me and others how you practice acceptance and how it has worked for you.

In the meantime, remember to

Let It Go!

Danny

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]]>https://www.danielamiller.com/2017/11/02/does-accepting-others-as-they-are-really-help-2/feed/7Finding Time by Letting Go of Controlhttps://www.danielamiller.com/2017/10/26/finding-time-by-letting-go-of-control-2/
https://www.danielamiller.com/2017/10/26/finding-time-by-letting-go-of-control-2/#commentsThu, 26 Oct 2017 16:08:21 +0000http://blog.losingcontrolfindingserenity.com/?p=1619How often do you find yourself wondering, “where has all the time gone today—or this week?” I wonder about that fairly often and my guess is that most people do as well—and it’s an issue that constantly frustrates control freaks. There is no question (in my mind, at least) that our ever-complex, technology driven world […]

]]>How often do you find yourself wondering, “where has all the time gone today—or this week?” I wonder about that fairly often and my guess is that most people do as well—and it’s an issue that constantly frustrates control freaks. There is no question (in my mind, at least) that our ever-complex, technology driven world absorbs bundles of our time—ironically, often through the use of “time-saving” devices such as texting, googling, using engaging apps, and the like. Similarly, most time-saving strategies simply make room for us to do more things with our time, rather than relieving time related stress and pressure.

Consequently, we always feel woefully short of time. Leslie Perlow of the Harvard School of Business has aptly coined the phrase “time famine” to describe this time quandary.

There is another (and easily overlooked) reason that many of us find ourselves short of time: We are too controlling.

Losing Control, Finding Time

Constantly trying to control or change others or things takes inordinate amounts of time.

Think about it for a moment. All the time and effort you put into fruitless control efforts deprive you from doing many of the things you would like to do, but don’t have the time to do!