Now that I’ve had some sleep and no longer have the idea of setting all of AT&T on fire in my brain, I feel like I could maybe write a post. I may have unintentionally drugged myself with a lot of caffeine Monday night. I literally did not sleep a wink. Not even 5 minutes. It left me in some kind of glassy eyed dream like state, which was quite the experience. I know how the cool kids must feel. Yesterday I had started to write and about 2 minutes in I was like I don’t even know what planet I’m on right now there is no way I can do this. Plus it was pure gibberish even more than normal.

Any way, last paycheck I got REALLY aggressive with one of my payments, like a little way too aggressive. I’m so broke it’s not even funny. I’ve been borrowing money like a mad woman. I’ve been counting down the hours until I get paid since last week. It was 2 days, 52 hours, and 3134 minutes when I wrote this post. However, it is all going to be worth it beeeeccccaauuussseee, pause for dramatic effect, I’ll be paying off another credit card on Friday! 🙂 Toodaloo Mother F#*%er! I’m so excited. It feels so good to see my somewhat skewed discipline working, when I want it too. This will relatively be $300 a month, give or take, that I get to apply to the next card I’m going to tackle. Bring it on Capital One! The anticipated pay off date for this card, if I never spent another dime, is September. Holy. Shit. It’s really hard to believe that this could actually become a reality. That I might actually get out of debt. It’s been a way of life for me for so long. It’s hard to imagine life without minimum payments. I still have a L O N G way to go but I can see that it is possible.

One small step for Diane, one giant leap for Diane’s Debt.

Because who isn’t smiling on the moon?

D

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There are 3 people in this world who know about the madness that is my dreams. I’m not talking about future ambition dreams but like actual dreams that get dreamt at night. They are my mom, my bf and one of my gfs. My gf is the only one who listens and kind of somewhat gets it because she herself can recall her dreams. They are almost as cracked out as mine but I take the icing on the cake.

I guess most people don’t recall their dreams. For as long as I can remember I’ve been able to remember mine which would explain why I have such a distorted perception of the world because who wants to come back to reality when you can have dream land all the time. Generally it’s my mom who gets subjected to listening to my insanity and the conversation usually ends with, “do you do drugs in your room at night?” Most of the time the answer is no, just kidding the answer is always no. D.A.R.E., drugs are really expensive and I’m broke.

Well last night I had one of my more exciting dreams and by exciting I mean I get interactive. I need to be in a sleep study program because the scientist/doctors/aliens would have such a good time watching me. I can’t recall the whole dream, which is rare, because most of the time I can remember the madness from the beginning. Any who, for whatever reason I had won something and I was being given the options for my prizes. They were all pretty shitty to begin with but then they, I don’t know who they was, got to the last one and they were these crabby spiders they released. I explained to my mom, “Not crabby like they had a bad day but crabby like they had hard bodies and ticked when they walked.” Well the release of these crabby spiders made me react in real life. Cue scene.

Me jumping out of bed, staring at my blanket because there could possibly be crabby spiders under there, My thought process.

“oh f@#&, oh f%($, oh f*@%, please don’t be there, please do be there. Shit it’s so dark how am I suppose to know if they’re there or not. I need to find a light to check but my phones on my bed and if I go on my bed and they might attack. I don’t want to flip on my light because it’s going to be so f#&*ing bright and holy shit its 415am! I’m not in the mood for crabby spiders right now.”

I finally flip on my light.

“Okay I don’t see anything but just in case they are under my cover I’ll pull it off really fast.”

I pull my cover and discover, gasp, nothing. I turn off my light and hop back into bed pulling my blanket back on top of me.

“I really hope they didn’t cling to the under part of the blanket I didn’t check.” Last thing I remember.

I mean you can’t make this shit up. This isn’t the first time either. I’ve put on a jacket before, I’ve caught myself in the middle of a conversation with no one, I’ve caught myself with my eyes open. Don’t think to hard about that last one but shit is weird! It usually isn’t until the morning when I have to assess what was real and what wasn’t that I actually recall shit got crazy in the night.

You know who I feel really bad for in this situation? The bf because not only is he going to be subjected to listening to my madness but he’ll also get to experience the interactive dreams first hand when were living together. Yay for you boo! Promise you won’t leave me if I pull the covers off of you in the middle of the night? I’m just ensuring our safety from the crabby spiders.

Anyone else has “interactive” dreams?

D

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I love sleep. I love napping. I love my bed. I love lamp. Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying it because you saw it? Just kidding, but seriously I love sleep. So when this fabulous thing called daylight savings time, DST since were BFF now, happens it disrupts my whole world! As everyone should know, we moved time FORWARD this weekend. Losing an essential hour of sleep, the f#$& DST! This girl is not a fan. Yes of course like all things, change takes time and before I know it we’ll be moving the clocks BACKWARD, but I’m talking about my immediate well-being here. I don’t even think my eyes are open yet, not to mention it looked like 2 o’clock in the morning when I woke up. I decided to research which numskull first decided it’d be fun to mess with people’s lives. We can all send our angry letters to George Vernon Hudson, I’ll let you know when I find a forwarding address. Apparently, it was first established to reduce evening usage of incandescent lighting. Well, welcome to the 21st century, we don’t use that shit anymore cause were all go green about everything. I promise my vote and several others to the next presidential candidate who’s platform is to cancel DST. In the meantime, we’re all left with the dopey eyed look like someone robbed of us valuable sleep. That’s because someone did! This shit isn’t cool so I’m protesting by not changing my clocks, if you’re wise you’d do the same.

I've got a case of the long blinks

Hell hath no fury as a woman losing an hour of sleep

D

P.S. I realize there’s no poem here, get over it

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You are so tired that all you can think about is your bed, and how amazing your pillows are going to feel, and how nice it is going to be to get a full night’s rest. You’re going to wake up feeling refreshed and carpe diem. You get up to bed and rest your head on your pillows and its reaffirming everything you believed. Then, blink, blink, blink. Eyes shoot open. You remember you forgot to respond to a text. Okay now you’ve responded and don’t look like a bad person. Ahh where were we, head hitting the pillow, O for f$#^s sake, now you’ve gotta pee. Go blind yourself with the bathroom lights, that you’re pretty sure were never that f#*&ing bright EVER before! Zombie mode it back to bed and BAM! The entire day decides it wants to play itself back like you signed up for the 9:30 showing of your wonderful life. The battle with the blankets ensues, over analyzing begins, you’re second guessing every word ever uttered and damn, now you’re hungry. Healthy late night snack never hurt anyone. You turn on the TV, because no one likes to eat in the dark. Good thing for you, the networks have intelligently decided a marathon of Spartacus is great to start at 11pm. Before you know it its going on 3am and you’re not even caught up to season two! But, the better part of you thinks it’s about time to get to sleep. Sleep timer the tv, get all comfy cozy, start believing you might actually be falling asleep. Nope, your brain has other ideas. It’s time to start deciding what colors you would paint your imaginary living room, to match your imaginary couch, that you might one day have, in your imaginary house. Why not start naming the kids while we’re at it…..

"99, 98, 97, 96, not working, 95, 94, let's try sheep"

Please tell me this happens to other people, I know I’m a little bit screwy but I can’t be the only one right? Right? RIGHT!? I hope everyone had a cheap enjoyable weekend and collected more sleep than some others. Sorry for the profanity but I wanted to realistically portray the raw emotions associated with the evening.

And the Worst Day of the Week Award goes to……. MONDAY :: slow applause::