Virgin on the rude

'I've been examining mini-pupils today,' said OldSmoothie at chambers tea.

'Yes, I bet you have,' said BusyBody sarcastically.

'In every conceivable way, no doubt,' said UpTights.

'Intimately,' added BusyBody.

'You know, sometimes I get sick and tired of the two of you lowering the tone of every conversation. Particularly when it concerns the people who carry the future of this great nation on their shoulders. Low-grade petty and potty-mouthed cant if you ask me.'

'I'd take potty-mouthed cant any day over being a fat, potty-mouthed…' at which TheVamp interrupted with, '…runt, naturally.'

With which OldSmoothie put on his most haughty and pompous look and said,'Ladies, listen to yourselves carping away and looking like the three witches in Macbeth. In the words of Aristophanes: "To be insulted by you is to be garlanded with lilies."'

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister practising at the English Bar, written by barrister and writer Tim Kevan. For more information and to read posts from the last few years visit babybarista.com. Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.