Saturday, December 24, 2011

Have Yourselves a Merry Little Christmas

Just a quick mobile update to say yes, my lab work came back and yes, I really was pregnant. It's been a relief to know for sure.

This is the saddest Christmas I can recall. I have a hard time not crying, and I feel so lonely - a deep, aching loneliness that no amount of company can soothe. I miss my child, my Frances. Oddly, I now adore that name, though before I wasn't crazy about it. I am feeling a heartbreak I never knew possible: I love more than I ever thought I could. God give me the strength to bear the weight of so great a love!

I pray you all have the merriest of Christmases and ask you not to be too hard on the grouchy people - maybe they're just sad, maybe it is hard for them to feel Christ's love right now. Christmas is always a blessing but this year, does not feel a joy.

3 comments:

Praying for you guys (and tears too!)! This is such a hard time for it to happen. I just know that your little Frances and our little Christian are playing together in heaven. I can't wait to meet them. And let me know if you still want to get together! I totally understand if you don't feel up to it and we can definitely get together later, but if you do we'd love to too!

I'm a friend of Cam's, she sent me over here. I too just suffered a miscarriage, only 3 weeks ago. I could have almost written your last few posts myself. We too had just found out, and were so shocked, we didn't really rejoice, until it was too late, and he was gone. I also named my baby Francis, because he died on the feast of St. Francis Xavier. It's been so hard, especially right here at Christmas time, when everyone else is so happy. I couldn't have made it through without the prayers of my friends. I don't know you, but I will be praying for you, because I understand your pain all too well.

Jesus understands. Remember, it was not long after Christmas that many mothers lost their little ones too. Christmas is as much about embracing the cross as it is about the rejoicing angels. Prayers for you.