Silver League to the rescue!

We have a Civic League and a Civil League in Stuttgart, so the old coffee drinkers at the Daylite Donut Shop are forming a Silver League (the name is self explanatory, I hope.)

Comment

By Bobby Moore

Stuttgart Daily Leader - Stuttgart, AR

By Bobby Moore

Posted Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:33 PM

By Bobby Moore

Posted Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:33 PM

STUTTGART

What in the name of ducks and rice is going on in Stuttgart? With all this crime, it seems we are going to wind up being a little Detroit. Besides the burglaries and robberies, they have now started shooting at each other. How many of these break-in artists do we have in Stuttgart? They have caught two bunches, but they still seem to be proliferating.

We have a Civic League and a Civil League in Stuttgart, so the old coffee drinkers at the Daylite Donut Shop are forming a Silver League (the name is self explanatory, I hope.) After all, all is fair in love and politics.

I would like to pass on some of the remarks and opinions that have been made about the rash of break-ins in our town.

Coffee drinker No. 1: I don’t believe they are stealing to buy groceries, but are probably using it to buy drugs. Even if they weren’t too lazy to work, they couldn’t pass a drug test to get a real job. I mean, a guy works hard to buy something, and a worthless thug too lazy to work comes by and steals it. They ought to start doing what they do in the Middle East. The first time you steal, they cut one hand off; the next time they cut the other hand off. You ain’t got but two chances to steal some good stuff.

CD 2: I will not criticize the police officers because they have a thankless job and put their lives on the line every day. However, I wonder if they have been ordered to patrol the places most often hit such as across Michigan and the eastern part of town? Also, have they been told to drive down the alleys as well as the streets since most are hitting the back doors?

CD 3: I think the officers should be directed to let up a little on the traffic citations and concentrate more on the targeted areas. I thought it was totally unfair for that poor guy who paid a hefty fine for tinted windows. A lot of drivers have tinted windows, some so dark you can’t tell if there is anyone in the vehicle.

CD 4: Didn’t I read where they fined a guy for not having lights by his license plate? How many people check there license plate light every time they go out at night? Shouldn’t he have been given a warning ticket?

CD 5: These outlaws are going to kick the wrong door down one day and get blown half in two with a shotgun. Then all their friends will start talking about how fine of a person they were.

CD 6: I was puzzled about the story in the Daily Leader where the chief said break-ins have slowed, but the article went on to list quite a few recent break-ins.

Page 2 of 2 - CD 7: I guess we are going to have to start neighborhood watches in all our communities. Of course, that is not going to help if all the residents are working. I guess they will have to depend on us old guys to do the watching.

CD 8: Well, I don’t have to be worried about getting fined for DUI because I drink a pint of whiskey just before I have my driver’s license photo taken, so I will look normal when the police stop me.

We Silver Leaguers got our senile heads together and came up with a theory about why the burglars are so hard to catch. We believe the culprits are old men in their 70s and 80s who have nothing to do and are looking for excitement.

In closing, I hope no one wants to kill the messenger. All of the above citizens are very concerned about the crime in Stuttgart. One even said he would volunteer to patrol the alleys if the city would buy his gasoline.

One more thing: I have very, very, little tint on my truck windows. In fact, you can hardly tell they are tinted when the sun is shining. Honest!

One last thing: My license plate light is not working, but I found a flashlight with a magnet, so at night I just stick it on my back bumper and point it toward my license plate. I hope this will suffice.