Breaking! Vatican to Grant Retroactive Annulment to King Henry VIII

The Remnant's Rome correspondents have just translated an article written by noted Vaticanist Sandy Maestro, who writes for the Italian paper Viva Il Papa. The paper has heard from certain anonymous Vatican officials that the Holy See is targeting a Traditionalist Catholic writer from the United States for a possible lawsuit. The writer in question has suggested by email to The Remnant that he write an article exposing the Pope's secret project for granting a retroactive annulment to British King Henry VIII and his wife Catherine of Aragon, as part of Rome's Ecumenical outreach.

But thanks to the recent expansion of the Vatican's Dicastery of Mail Interception under Cardinal Giuseppe Lampedusa, emails as well as books are now subject to appropriate action. Lampedusa's mandate, according to the anonymous sources, uses NSA techniques to monitor emails to and from groups and publications sympathetic to pre-Vatican II thought and beliefs. The Dicastery of course exempts Michael Voris' organization, since he has promised never to criticize the Pope.

The Traditionalist writer, one Chris Kasper, stated in his email that he is preparing a report on the Pope's upcoming interview, at which the Holy Father is scheduled to announce the annulment. The Pope then plans to insult the rigid, Neo-Pelagian conservatives of that era in Europe who were obsessed with observing Biblical concepts regarding purity of marriage, and ancient commandments concerning adultery.

Viva Il Papa also reports that the Vatileaks Department is conducting a rush investigation of just how this secret information had leaked to Mr. Kasper. A department spokesperson has been quoted as saying “leaking is a sin.”

The Remnant is also being investigated by the Southern Italian Poverty Center, the commission inaugurated by the Vatican to take the fight against poverty to the Church's own backyard. The Remnant has been flagged by this organization for having capitalist sympathies. At this time it is unknown whether or not The Remnant will be named as a co-conspirator against the Holy See in the proposed lawsuit against Mr. Kasper.