1) America beer will be made from bald eagles and apple pies, and filtered through 1000-thread count cotton American flags to attain its rich 1% flavor.

2) The beer will carry the name “America” up until the presidential election – which is the worst possible time to change the brand, because half the country would want a drink to celebrate, and the other half would want a drink to not have to deal with the election results while sober.

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events.
(* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.)
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45 Responses to 10 Fun Facts About America Beer

Bwahaha! I love this post X. Budweiser’s decision is almost like they asked you what change they could make that would produce the best “List of X” post ever. I mean classics like ” Islamic traditions prohibits America in every Middle Eastern country.” Bwahaha! I just don’t know what to say – love the line about operating heavy machinery like tanks,jets and aircraft carriers. I used to haul for the American Navy out of Norfolk Va – where all the big naval hardware is kept – and they loved their beer. I can just picture a couple of deck chairs, a table and umbrella set up on the dock overlooking battleships and aircraft carriers – with admirals sitting sipping America beer and proudly patting each other on the back at what America has done for them. ha!

This decision is almost like when Congress decided to rename French fries to “Freedom fries”, except back then they had a tiny modicum of justification, sort of. But this seems like a pretty transparent move to get some free PR (which I admit just worked on me) and milk American patriotism for some cold hard (or cold liquid) cash – which is a very America thing to do, actually…

When I first heard about this I thought it was a joke. And that’s no joke. What an embarrassment. Couldn’t our country’s name be used for something more dignified than the pisswater coming from Anheuser-Busch?

And if you get stopped by the po-lice and ticketed, when you have your day in court, tell the judge that only a commie-pinko would think there was anything wrong with DWA (Driving While American). Then start humming the national anthem and get up and walk out like in that scene in Animal House.

I wonder how Americans would react if they knew Budweiser had similar ad campaigns going on in China. They’re constantly airing commercials equating Budweiser with Chinese nationalistic imagery. I feel like Budweiser is two-timing America.

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