September 30, 2007

September 29, 2007

The following is a collection of expressions that one hears with great regularity in Jersey. Indeed, some are unique to Jersey. I have previously written about Jerseyspeak here, here, and here. Obviously, it is one of my favorite subjects.

Without further ado, here ya go:

1. “How’s da Parkway?” (a traffic inquiry)

2. “How’s da Turnpike?” (another traffic inquiry)

3. “Gimme a Taylor Ham and cheese on a hard roll.” (ordering a staple)

4. “Gimme a slice and a coke.” (ordering pizza, another staple accompanied by a cola beverage)

14. “Gimme a buttered roll and a regular coffee.” (ordering the Breakfast of Champions, a hard roll – known in some non-Jersey places as a Kaiser roll, with butter and a cup of coffee with milk and sugar. I prefer coffee free of adulterants).

15. “I gotta pay tax on what??”

16. “Don’t worry. I kin getchya a job. My cousin is the _____________.” (fill in the political title).

17. “I hear he’s locked up. I voted for him. Good guy.”

18. “Sinatra” (Said with bowed head in reverence)

19. “Enchilada? What da f**k is dat?”

20. “California? You gotta be shittin’ me!”

21. “Gimme a ripper.” (Ordering a well done hot dog at the famous Rutt’s Hutt – a ripper is pictured at the site)

22. “Real cheap! It fell off da truck.” (Sale on stolen merchandise!)

23. “I’m goin’ ta A.C. for a couple a days. I got comps.” (Translation: “I will be spending two days in Atlantic City. The hotel has provided a free room and free food.”)

24. “When’s da bus ta A.C.?” (Translation: “When is the bus to Atlantic City due to arrive?”)

25. “Da guy’s a stroonz!” (Translation: “The gentleman is not very bright.”) [Stronzo -- is Italian for “turd.”]

September 28, 2007

The Mayor of Guttenberg, New Jersey, David Delle Donna, and his wife were charged in a federal indictment with diverting cash campaign contributions made by a developer, a town fire official and a bar owner for his personal use. The indictment also charges extortion of cash from the bar owner for assistance with police trouble, and assistance with a zoning matter (the Mayor’s wife is on the Planning Board). (See also here and here)

The indictment followed an FBI investigation that included a January raid on the Delle Donna’s home, which resulted in the seizure of a computer and documents.

In 2003, the former mayor, Peter LaVilla, pleaded guilty to misappropriating campaign funds and using the money for a private brokerage account after an investigation by the United States attorney’s office. In 2002, a councilman accused of receiving illegal advances on his salary resigned, although he was never formally charged. The same year, the town’s chief financial officer pleaded guilty to misappropriation of funds.

Only blind, stupid arrogance and a sense of invincibility can account for this type of crap.

Then again, it is, after all, Hudson County, a place where corruption is an art form.

September 26, 2007

I have written for years now about the cesspool of corruption in New Jersey state government, which has made this state a national joke. The rampant corruption has not gone unnoticed by New Jersey’s voters. In fact, a recent Quinnipiac University poll showed that 88 percent of the state’s voters believe government corruption in New Jersey is a “serious problem.” What’s more, a large majority of voters (a 38-24 percent margin) associated corruption with the Democratic Party.

Given the foregoing data, one might logically assume that the New Jersey’s voters who believe that corruption is a serious problem and that it is associated with democrats would be want to vote them out of office this coming November.

The problem is that New Jersey voters are anything but logical.

The poll showed that “54 percent [of those polled] said they are not more likely to vote for a Republican; 48 percent said they’d rather see the Democrats maintain control of the Legislature.”

For some time, New Jersey has been vying with Louisiana for the title of the Most Corrupt State in the Union, and we are getting close. I do believe, however, that we are now tied with Louisiana for having the dumbest goddamned voters in the U.S.

Memo to Ms. Coyote and those San Franciscans of like mind: In the event something horrible were to happen in or near San Francisco that would require the assistance of the U.S. Marine Corps or any other branch of the military, you needn’t worry that the military will hold this against you. No, they would do their duty, because they are men and women with a sense of duty, honor and country, a concept, which appears to be foreign to you.

September 24, 2007

Surely, you really don’t need to read another dewemplin blogger’s take on Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s performance today at Columbia University. Not to worry; I’ll be brief, as these are the pop-into-my cruller variety of thoughts as I watched this evil man do his thing.

If one had been sound asleep for the past several years and awakened to listen to Ahmadinejad’s speech:

You might think you were listening to Albert Schweitzer or Ghandi.

You might think that Iran was as friendly and hospitable as Disneyworld.

You might think that all the pictures you’ve seen of the concentration camps and extermination camps in places like Dachau, Auschwitz and Treblinka had been photoshopped and that more “research” into their authenticity is necessary.

You might think that women in Iran have a wonderful life, full of countless opportunities equal to those enjoyed by men.

You might think that the only terrorists in the world are the Joos and, of course, the United States for its support of Israel.

You might think that there is something unique about the Iranian gene pool (or perhaps something in the water) that has resulted in a country where there are no homosexuals.

You might think that 9/11 was an “incident” rather than a brutal, unprovoked attack by Islamic lunatics.

Fortunately, those of us who have not been asleep for the past several years know better.

September 23, 2007

Too lazy to blog, well except to say why I was TBTB yesterday, relatively unexciting though it may be.

Yesterday had been pitched by the Weather Peeps as “an absolutely gorgeous, sunny day, with low humidity.” That was a good thing, as I was committed to again serving as a judge in the annual truck rodeo. The event started out, as in the past, in a room with coffee, fattening buns and a bunch of tattooed, tough guy, hard working truck drivers, as the rules of this year’s event were being explained.

The weather was cloudy, but everyone was still buying into the Weather Peeps’ forecast, even though most of us remembered last year’s event when rained like hell.

We were then assigned to our respective events for which were would serve as judges. I was the “Left Turn, Left Rear Wheel Judge,” which required walking next to each truck (some straight trucks, but mostly four-axle or five-axle tractor-trailers), as it negotiated a left turn with the goal to for the left rear wheel (tread, not bulge – I’m getting pretty sophisticated) be a specific distance from the marker. Easy enough.

Then the skies opened.

The organizers of the event scrambled to issue each of the sorry ass judges a poncho. So, there I was, along with six other judges (including Usual Suspects da Chef of da Future and Captain Arthur) standing in the middle of a huge truck yard in a farookin’ monsoon, while the spectators, organizers and everyone else were under cover. (Hell, even the contestants were in their trucks).

At one point, my friend and bodyguard, Ken, a participant in the event, brought us pulled pork sandwiches from the food tent. Standing there in the pouring rain, wearing a poncho trying to eat a sandwich before it became completely waterlogged brought back not-exactly fond memories of Fort Dix and the outdoor cuisine.

Well, we managed to survive it all and return home several hours later to warm showers.

Unfortunately for me there was to be no rest (as was the case last year), for I had time for a short catnap in Mr. Recliner before it was time to suit up and head off to a friend’s retirement party, with guitar in hand to do some shtick, including some smartass remarks and a tune I penned in his honor. I made ample use of the open bar, and the food was considerably better and considerably drier than the soggy pulled pork sandwich I had eaten earlier in the day.

September 22, 2007

September 21, 2007

It figures. I had been saving a link for a day when I have a case of the Blog Blahs. You know, a day when you don’t feel like writing a farookin’ thing, and you wonder why you ever began this craziness in the first place?

So, I dragged up a really cool video that my friend Brian the Air Force Vet sent me a while back. It is a video of Fats Domino, Ray Charles and Jerry Lee Lewis on the same stage all playing at the same time. Ron Wood was playing bass, and the happening was being orchestrated by Paul Schaffer, who was positively gleeful at being on the same stage with Fats, Ray and Jerry Lee.

It tended to be a tad sloppy, as these things sometimes are, but who cares when you have Musical Giants on the stage?

Here’s what you missed, as noted in the text that accompanied the link as I received it:

The real story about this video… Date was 1986, the video was done at StoryVille Jazz Hall in New Orleans, Participants were Fats Domino, Jerry Lee Lewis, Ray Charles, Ron Wood and Musical Director was Paul Schaffer now with the CBS Orchestra and the Letterman Show. The full title of the VHS video is Fats Domino & Friends – Immortal Keyboards of Rock & Roll It was first released October 26, 1988 and again in 1991.

I think you woulda liked it.

**I assume you are seeing a “Forbidden Content” message, referring to copyright infringement. If, by chance, you saw the video and not the “Forbidden Content” message, I hope you liked it.