i am confused becuase i dont like being just friends its too hard for me like ive been so messed up for ages thinking of her

So my ex broke up with me a like a month n half ago havent really spoke ive explained all the other stuff in my other posts ... so i had her old phone so i been speaking to her as a friend the past couple of days apparntly she wants to be friends so i went i gotta give u ur phone back so i went round her house 1st time i seen her in a month n half she asked me to come round and drop her phone off so i went in and started speaking like as mates just talked about stuff for a hour kept saying stop speaking about a boy she met so we didnt talk about him she said she didnt really no about him she said he treats her nice and stuff but!!!!!!!!!!!! hes a nob the way he acts .......
I think we broke up becuase of him i dont no she said we didnt so i do belive that we apparntly broke up becuase she cudnt do it no more said she wanted time then she started to see him now she dont no about him i really gotta do some work i gotta prove to her that im better than him maybe if she sees me getting on with my life getting a job getting a car she will realise she made the biggest mistake she said she stills cares but i aint said nothing about getting back with her i was on the phone to her and she said not bein funny or nothing but if i asked you to come back you would come running back and i said what u put me through i probaly would just say no **** off so she went i want you back i just said **** off...... Like maybe shes regretting doing it like she just started smoking she said coz shes stressed told her she was perthtic lol... we was luaghing quite a bit i was messing bout with her like we used to be maybe i should just play it cool ne suggestions becuase i really want her back and i dont no if i got a chance

i know i cant change her mind or force her to be with me as i learned or chase her but im really enjoying talking to her ne suggestions on what to do.??????????????????????????????????

It's almost impossible to be "just friends" with someone that you love.
You're learning that sad lesson early - and I think deep down you know that being around her when you still have feelings isn't going to work.
Think of it as having to break an addiction cold turkey - and she is the addiction.
It IS going to hurt, and there will be opportuntities to break down and see her... but the healthiest thing to do is to practice the hardest mental strength you have in staying away.
You'll heal faster, think better of yourself, and be ready sooner for a real relationship with someone who loves you as much as you love them.

i have so much feelings for her still like it hurts me to be friends but i dont wanna be friends i wanna be more than that and i cant i know i have to let go i was really starting too but like i been talking to her and like now i think she wants to get back with me she dont nothing i do is gunna change our realtionshio only if she changes her mind and she aint gunna when shes speaking to me or like nething... i no deep down that you dont stop loving some1 but i dont no if she knows what she wants and she aint gunna find out till like a couple of months when she starts thinking about me and i cant think about her no more its hurting again i was sort of trying to get over it not thinking about her trying not to neway......

Its starting all over again what i felt last time now shes going out enjoying herself i spoke to her a hour ago and i shud not off becuase i started crying after and im all upset again i havent got the power to go out and enjoy myself its just too hard again and like ive stopped seeing my m8ts havent been out in a month and half coz i just dont enjoy myself without her.... i no it sounds silly but i still love her and things aint gunna change...i hate this again its started it hurts so much while, my mind is not she broke my heart and im doin it again to myself reminding myself of her i no i need to brake contact with her but i cant seem to do it again becuase i just feel the need to ring her again and like shes going out with him tonite and sleeping there hes a ***** i no that and she sort of knows that but she says well im goin to have to find out shes a ***** for everything shes done but i dont care becuase i love her and love makes you forget but i no i cant be with her but theres allways a but grrrrrrrr Im so upset again I gotta move on again now im gunna be like this for another month becuase ive spoke to her again i need to brake all contact with her Its so stupid she says she we can be friends becuase even tho we loved eachother so much we was allways like best friends she says she cares but what does that meen dont meen things are gunna change between us unless she wants to get back with me.......

any ideas on what to do again becuase im just not up for anything My friends like smoke cannabis all the time i did used to but gave it up becuase of her when we broke up like i had to change my life i just dont feel like there my friends just dont see anything in them i no i need to go out and enjoy myself but i cant becuase i just think of her again.....ahhhhhhh i hate this i just feel like crying again lol a boy crying hes eyes out love makes you do some funny things i cant bring myself to do nething just get upset.... she was my first love and broke my heart and i really cant speak to her nemore unless she wants to work things out... ahhhhhh please help im so upset again

So i gotta cut all contact with her i think i just had a vad day today Ive gotta enjoy myself and not wonder if shes doin what where or who with Ill just enjoy myself and not think of her but what to do when i have a bad day and want to ring her

AHH i cant stand no more..
last night she rung me then rung back i dint answer it.... becuase it justs upsets me again...
then this morning she rung me 3 times and i didnt answer it then i thought oh well i better ring back to find out what she wants she didnt want nothin wanted to talk to me... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh she wants to be my friend and rings me to talk becuase basically im the only person she can talk to about everything... but i cannot be friends at all it hurts to much...
i dont wanna change my number but i dont wanna speak to her
so i cant break contact with her becuase she rings me... im getting over her but it may be harder speaking to her but i enjoy speaking to her...

Ive gave up cannabis and i been through a lot with it and defenlty not going there again..

so i shouldnt see my mates and i am in a emotional low

Time is the best i really need to forget everyone and start a new life

yesterday i was like oh no im never gunna speak to her then the minute she rings i think what does she want like last nite i didnt answer it or this morning but today i rang her back..... I was speaking to her again like what she did last nite and i mentioned that i got a car now well getting it in a DAY OR two .. then she said oh i wanna come out in it i wanna see it .... but i dont no what to do becuase i ate bein friends and shes all like shes over me well she must be but i sill care do i go out with her in the car or not....

Danny, as long as she only wants to be friends you're going to have to be honest with her.
Tell her that you care too much about her to just be friends.
That is causes you alot of pain to act like you're just a buddy.
That is confuses you when you're having feelings for her and she just wants to hang out.

Tell her that if she really wants to be a friend she won't call you.
And Danny? Use your answering machine. Or if you live at home tell your family that you don't want any calls for awhile.
Keep yourself BUSY. Volunteer somewhere even to keep your mind busy. You're so used to thinking about her that you'll really have to work at building new pathways to new thoughts.

Hang out here with us at HealthBoards. There are alot of people here trying to get beyond someone who isn't the right one for them.
Maybe you can help someone else out at the same time that you are getting support here.

The right person won't be causing you this much pain. When they are the right person they cannot cause you pain without hurting a whole lot also. Is she hurting?
Let's get you through the next 2 weeks without you talking to her, or texting, etc.
I check here every day - and I've got WAY too much experience in heartache.
Want to give it a try?
Ruth

I really dont know if shes hurting maybe she is but shes good at ignoring things like she said a little while ago she did fill guilty but shes ignoring that part maybe she is hurting but she wouldnt show that.
Kool yeh i come here everyday Ill try to get through two weeks without calling her well its abit hard neway becuase shes changed her number but i speak to her on her home phone well i ring her on that but then like last night i was going to change my number she rung and then rung again and i didnt answer then in the morning she rung another 3 times and i didnt asnwer bet then i rung back im not going to answer no more ill wont even talk to her to tell her why im not answering i hope she does realise what shes lost I think i need to find some1 else but i cant its so soon like i wanna be with her but as they say theres plenty more fish in the sea...

But will there besomeone i care about as much as her she was so beutifull i loved everything about her.....

we are such good friends but it hurts me too much thank you for your information ill make sure i dont call for at least 2 weeks

You will start to think of her less once you get some closure and start doing things without waiting by the phone for her call (or...wanting to call her). Im sure you've read my threads, they're all over the place. Actually I know you posted in one or two of them. Im going through a breakup with someone who I thought was the love of my life, too, and I still ask myself if I will ever love again like I did with him, or find someone who made me melt the way he did just by looking at him. Its surreal almost, but I cant do anything about it.
Point is- I dont know if I will find someone who will be as deep of a love, but I cant be with him anymore due to his choice that he 'doesnt love me' or 'doesnt have time' or whatever the excuse. Why do I want to force him to be back with me? Why do you want your girl to come back after she was ready to give you up, and saw you hurt so much? I think I tried to get him back in the beginning, thinking that he was delusional and that he didnt realize what he was doing. Well, it wont work.
The best thing you can do (from personal experience) is: give her stuff back, resist the urge to call (this was the hardest for me, until I started getting answers to my questions that made me more upset and I realized it wasn't worth it), and tell her you are cutting her out. This girl is not being fair to you in that she is stringing you along by wanting to be 'friends' or whatever. Well, its not healthy to do that right now, for your sake. That is one thing I'm glad my ex did NOT do. Well, no- I take that back, he did in the beginning by leaving it open-ended which made it SO much worse for me because I had false hopes. Which is what she is instilling in you right now. Anyway, I knew i couldnt be 'friends' with my boyfriend because I could never look at him in any other light other than a deep love of mine. You seem to feel the same way. As hard as it is (trust me I know), cut her out, then hopefully (and slowly) you will start realizing how messed up she was for doing this to you and, IN TIME, it will get easier and you might not even want her back at all. You need to do this for YOURSELF so that you stop being the victim here. I wish I would have taken people's advice to do this sooner, I just wasn't ready. Im still working on getting over him, but 2 months , and 2 weeks later of cutting him out completely, its (very slowly) starting to come to me.

Oh yes you will! It's one of the toughest things to learn but after it happens a couple of times you're MUCH stronger mentally and emotionally and deal with it far quicker and easier than the last.

I'm a firm believer that the 'friends' thing cannot work. When I get out of a relationship the first thing I do is cut off all contact and remove ALL traces of the person. E-mail addys, photos, etc. Everything must go. No reminders. You're starting off with a clean slate.

I think you'll find that meeting someone new and starting over is one of the greatest feelings one can experience. It's also probably the best mind eraser of past relationships.

There's gazillions of people out there. You never know what lies just around the corner!

City girl you so rite i wish i didnt have feelings I really know what its doin to me and it bothers me becuase i tortue myself no more its to hard

So many people are going through the same stuff its so wierd.. i thought i was alone ..Now im sure im not and i have people to talk to about it this is so much help ive learned a lot from people on here as you said he used to give you false hopes thats exactly what she does to me i think shes ringing me becuase she wants me back the wierd thing was i dont no if you rember but she rung me at 2.30am and was crying saying she dont know what she wants and shes just upset ... she still cares but isnt going to go back on what she did so for the best it is best that i cut of all contact with her

Citygirl did he try to contact you and if so what did you do just ignore him and what happens when you do have a bad day and want to ring her just its so wierd thanks for your help
i still dont no if im ready to let go but its not my choice i have to overwise i will carry on bein like this and never move on thank you people for all your help its making slowly get on

Well, he never what your ex-gf is doing to you now, only he did it a little in the beginning y leaving it 'open-ended' ('I dont know what I want', 'I still love you and will always love you', emailing me and saying hi, etc.). Except that he never contacted me, he just sort of strung me along when I contacted him. Finally after about 2 weeks of not talking to him, I called and asked him flat out if he thought he would come back. He said he didnt think so. After that I sort of lost it, and I STILL IMd him and emailed and asked him questions ecause I was so hurt and feeling weak. He actually responded this time, and the answers just made me more depressed, so thats how I knew i had to cut him off. After I cut him off, he sent me an email, and I ignored it, and that was that.
I actually DONT have the urge to call him now. I got that all out of my system in the first month. When I was having the urge to, I would call my mom instead (she lives a few states away). Or my sister. Or any friend I could think of that would listen. Or I would come on these boards. Over time, you will start to resent what they did to you and put you through and it will get a little easier than it is now. If she calls you, ignore it. Especially at 2:30 am! If she emails, ignore it. Maybe if you are truly out of her life, she will realize what she lost; if not, then you know it wasnt a good relationship to stay in. Of course, its easier said than done, and sometimes, like lately, I dont even believe it myself, but deep-down I know its the truth.