Dads on Duty

Three Local Fathers Share How Their Lives Revolve Around Their Children

Father with son on floor

Today’s fathers are more involved with their children’s lives than ever before, so to celebrate Father’s Day, Neapolitan Family spoke to three dads about their experiences as hands-on parents, and the wisdom they’d like to pass on.

John Moll

John Moll is a self-proclaimed “Mr. Mom.” But at age 61, his story is not typical; he had been retired two years from a career in banking when Michael came along. Now his 17-year-old son, a junior at Naples High School, is preparing for college.

“We never thought we’d have children,” Moll said, of having Michael later in life with his wife, Gerri. “It’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to the both of us.” Once Michael was born, John said he had to come out of retirement to care for a newborn, giving up his near-daily trips to the golf course. “My new career became being a stay-at-home dad. It’s been very rewarding.” If he can name a regret, it’s not having more children. “I really have nothing I would trade but maybe having another child,” John added. “It’s been memories of a lifetime.”

John’s used to being the only dad around. When Michael was a toddler, John was typically the only male/dad in the room, but he reveled in it. “We had babies in common. Some of my closest friends are females.” Once his son entered preschool, John started volunteering, serving on the PTO of every school Michael attended. “One of my biggest [joys] is being able to spend my time and volunteer at his school, to help teachers and administration in any way that I can to make it a better environment,” John said. “We are very blessed with the schools and the school system here.”

He calls fatherhood a “great experience,” but admits his age influenced his outlook. “I had a few more life experiences ... but I expect my son to be very focused.” Part of his Type A personality rubbed off on Michael, who is a competitive tennis player and an AP student. “We gave our son a solid foundation, a great study and work ethic that I hope he carries on to his wife and family.” And John firmly believes that his son is not spoiled. “My son really earns the life he enjoys today.”

While John’s path to fatherhood is somewhat unique, he said the decision must be a family one, with each spouse assessing the situation. “It can’t be one doing it all, with one just skating along,” John said. “Communication is what makes it work in our house, what’s best for our family, our son.”

Now that Michael can drive, John’s duties have shifted back to the activity he enjoyed early in his retirement: playing golf. He also has added playing competitive softball to his roster. But sitting in car line is one daily duty that he doesn’t miss. His advice to other dads is to enjoy every day. “Before you blink an eye, they will be gone and off to college.”

Austin Gomez

Austin Gomez, 40, is used to swapping caregiver duty for his three children, Carlos, 6; Evelyn, 4; and Christian, 3 months, with his wife Julie. Austin, the assistant band director for Gulf Coast High School, shuttles his three kids to school and other activities several days a week. The family’s schedule revolves around Austin’s busy band calendar, and Julie works part-time as a jewelry consultant and high school math tutor.

“I’m not resentful. I’m glad that I’ve been there for them,” Austin said, of caring for his children when his wife is working. “We made the choice for Julie to stay home, to raise the kids, but [her working part time] is the only way to make ends meet.”

There are new challenges, he said, since Christian was born. “I don’t want to put him down, and the [older] kids have had to be a little more self-serving,” Austin said. But he realizes the time is fleeting and tells other dads to embrace it. “Don’t lose sight of what’s at the end of the tunnel,” he said, “That the kids will become elementary age and they won’t need as much hands on.”

Part of his fatherly satisfaction comes from surviving the chaos each evening, of getting his kids fed and put to bed. “The evenings, from 7:30 to 9:30, are pretty chaotic,” Austin said. “It’s hard to juggle them.” One of his favorite times is eating dinner together. “I enjoy picking my kids’ brains when we talk at dinner, hearing about their day,” Austin added.

His own father was a “working dad,” busy running the family business while Austin was growing up, so having this experience is different from his upbringing. “I try to make a concerted effort to turn off work when I get home. I am fortunate that I don’t have to do much paper grading.” He suggests that other dads strike a balance between work and home, to stay engaged with their kids.

Austin recognizes that his situation is not unique, noting that most dads nowadays must help around the house. That insight has led to a better appreciation of what his wife does every day. “It’s easier when we are all together,” Austin said, “For the majority of the middle class, it’s a rarity if a dad doesn’t have to do this.”

Tom Foreman

Tom Foreman, 40, became a dad three years ago when he married Laquisha. Nowadays, the new dad is busy taking care of Talayia, 15; Jada, 14; and Savion, 7 (Thomas, 20, is out of the family home). Gone are his bachelor days, but he is happy to be in his new role.

“I cook breakfast, prepare lunches and snacks for after school,” said Foreman, of his daily dad duties. “I make sure [the kids] have what they need. I do most of the shopping and the laundry, keep the house clean, and make sure homework is done.” But his main job, he said, is to “do anything that I can do to make my wife’s life a little easier.” And she’s a busy mom, working 40-plus hours each week traveling for her job in marketing.

Fatherhood has changed since Foreman’s dad raised him. “[My dad] was a traditional guy, like all guys back then,” said Foreman, noting that if his mother was out of town, dinner consisted of delivery pizza. “What it takes to run a family [now] is different than it was in the ‘50s and ‘60s,” he added.

One of his greatest pleasures is making Sunday breakfast for the family, calling it a smorgasbord. “I love to cook. There’s always a reward at the end,” said Foreman. But some of his struggles have been in the fluff-and-fold department, citing a history of shrinking clothes. “My least favorite part is laundry, to fold it and put it away. I can’t make a deal with anyone to put away the laundry.”

Foreman said his dad duties are “like running a business, where you have a budget, and someone is responsible for the house.” There is a lot of planning that goes into his duties and he’s good at prioritizing, and because he was always independent, it’s not a struggle. “I grew up in the latchkey generation, always taking care of myself.” Now that’s he’s added four more people to care for, he’s up to the task. “I love my family, so I want to take care of them,” he said.

His advice to other dads is to “find happiness” in whatever you do. And for someone who was living the single life just a short while ago, Foreman thinks his insight into fatherhood gives him a unique outlook. “They call me their Dad ... that’s who I am.”

LEIGH TAHIROVICis a wife and mother who loves traveling and Civil War History. She moved to Naples in 2001 and began a career in journalism. She is a freelance writer for magazines and newspapers in South Florida.