My long time buddy, Torch, jumped to my rescue when I mentioned that I couldn’t pull a story out of my arse. She and the Big V were my partners in crime long ago, and we had us some times. I think Torch remembers more of them because she was more sober than the rest of us. Torch usually drove.

Torch’s decrepit Ford Cortina was particularly memorable . The rust was so bad, it was all that held it together. When we reached a certain speed, the fenders would lift. We thought we were flying in that Cortina. The splendour was not confined to the rust-riddled body, oh, no, it was not. Inside were many fast food meal remnants, and all manner of refuse. On the floor in the back grew a single marijuana plant. Makes sense, with all the smoking and the readily available compost. Torch always hollered at us so we wouldn’t trample her little pet plant. We honoured Torch’s wishes. She had a fearsome temper.

This is the vehicle that brought us on countless road trips. Often, we would tear about an hour up the highway to a nice park, and pack a lunch. How they ever put up with my insufferable bossiness is beyond me, but Torch assures me that I insisted we only bring biodegradable items with us. (Maybe I had seen her car?) So, boiled eggs it was.

We got all glammed up, because really, a girl can’t look too pretty when she’s hiking the trails of a park with a waterfall in it. I think I was in a big hat-wearing phase at the time, so over the top was my every day look. There was much hilarity and picture taking. And more hilarity. Sponsored by our friend, Mary Jane. What a bunch of nature nuts.

We were very subtle with our Southern Comfort on the way there, and in the park. We had dixie cups. Southern Comfort was good because we didn’t have to bother ourselves with that pesky mixer. We drank it straight. Bad arse nature nuts. What? It went well with the boiled eggs. Which, as you may recall, were biodegradable.

Big V and Torch with their Southern Comfort.

The don’t drink and drive thing? Because you might hit a bump and spill it? The Big V was driving back, and had her dixie cup in her hand when she turned the wheel. She dumped the contents in her lap. And was very whiney because she wasted good Southern Comfort.

Yes, we were eejits. It was a million years ago. Before all the edjamacational tv ads that spell out why drinking and driving is a bad thing. Bad arse stoopid nature nuts.

Good thing the windows worked in that Ford Cortina. What with Southern Comfort and boiled eggs, I think ventilation was in order. Even for nature nuts.