And: "For whatever annoying, local, ticky-tack Christmas-abolishing story you and your merry band of persecution-seeking researchers can scour the wires and turn up, the rest of us can't swing a dead elf without knocking over an inflatable snow globe or a giant, blinking candy cane."

Stewart goes on to devote the largest portion of the segment to Bill O'Reilly's batshit, straw-clutching proposition that Christmas is not a religious holiday because Christianity is not a religion but a philosophy.