How Do I Get My Girlfriend’s Father to Talk to Me Again?

Asked by 6ixGod on 2019-09-7 with 1 answer:

From a teen man in the UK: Back in May, me and my girlfriend had a break up which ended quite badly. I’ve been with her for 3 years and it was quite a surprise when she wanted to end it because we had been having altercations. Anyways, i went round a friends house who lives opposite her house and the night took a turn and we was drinking and getting high. As i was leaving very intoxicated (which is not an excuse) i think my emotions got the best of me and i keyed her car. I instantly regretted this at the time and i couldn’t believe what i done. I still regret it to this day! I instantly wrote a letter of apology the next day and payed for any damage. Im not a nasty person, it was a complete moment of madness from me!

Anyways, me and my girlfriend had a couple of months apart and are now giving our relationship another go which im very grateful for as i thought she would not give me another chance. However, facing her family is the problem, her mum and brother are fine with me, they have pushed it under the carpet and we started fresh. However, ive seen her dad on 2 occasions and he has not spoke to me at all and i understand as i hurt their daughter and kinda betrayed them when they have been good to me.

But when i have gone to apologise he does not want to know me and just walks away. Im a 19 year old boy, still learning and growing and i dont like issues, i wanna get them sorted asap! So i dont know what to do. My girlfriend is very upset as she stuck in the middle because she wants us to be on good terms but truthfully i dont know if we will be.

I can be stubborn and so can he and at the moment i feel like because he doesn’t wanna know me, then im gonna end up falling out with him more because im trying to show him im making changes to make his daughter happy. I cant lie his being a bit of a prick and i tried this past weekend to go and fix it but now my girlfriend is making excuses for him and im just getting tired of it!

What you should do is stop talking and focus more on showing. You know why your girlfriend’s father isn’t forgiving. Not only did you key the car, buy you did so while intoxicated. From his point of view, you are not man enough for his little girl.

It was a huge step in the right direction to apologize and to pay for the damage. But how is he to know that you won’t do the same kind of stupid thing if you and his daughter have another falling out?

Instead of calling him names and making excuses for your own stubbornness, show him that you have learned from the experience and are mature enough to be worth his time and his daughter’s love. I hope you are doing well in school or in a job. I hope you learned that partying at the level you were that night doesn’t do anything positive for your reputation with your girlfriend’s family — or any other mature adult for that matter.

Don’t ask your girlfriend to be in the middle by criticizing her father. Choose compassion for his position instead of anger that he doesn’t come around as fast as you would like him to.

Related Articles

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2019). How Do I Get My Girlfriend’s Father to Talk to Me Again?. Psych Central. Retrieved on June 7, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2019/09/09/how-do-i-get-my-girlfriends-father-to-talk-to-me-again/

Last updated: 7 Sep 2019 (Originally: 9 Sep 2019) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 7 Sep 2019Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.