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Topic: I forgot this phrase today. Argh! (Read 7040 times)

At my friend's bridal shower today a woman I have never spoken to asked me when we are planning on having children and just basically bombarded me with question after statement after question after statement.

Her: I saw you a year ago (at engagement party) and you weren't pregnant then. When are you planning? You aren't getting any younger you know. My daughter has kids and they're the biggest blessing.Me: That's so true!Her: You really shouldn't wait until you're in your 30s - you're going to have problems and it's going to be a lot harder to have them.Me: Since I'm over 30 I guess I failed that one!Her: All I do every day is take care of my grandkids and it's so wonderful. You shouldn't keep your mother waiting. Me: (Deflecting) Oh it would be really nice to have one at the same time as the bride!

Meanwhile evil me wanted to say: Actually we might not be able to have children and it's heartbreaking to think about, but thanks for reminding me! Maybe you should keep your fat mouth shut.

And then too late, I remembered "what an interesting assumption!" Too late. It would have been perfect.

Her: All I do every day is take care of my grandkids and it's so wonderful. You shouldn't keep your mother waiting......Meanwhile evil me wanted to say: Actually we might not be able to have children and it's heartbreaking to think about, but thanks for reminding me! Maybe you should keep your fat mouth shut.

I did once remind someone that not everyone can have children, but not the idea that it was hurtful to mention it. Also, the idea that some people really don't want children would not come up, in case you are wondering.

I also think I would feel sorry for both the grandmother and the grandchildren. Her inplying that her life revolves around theirs is hard on grandparent and grandchildren. This is true even if she does take care of them all day because she won't when they go to school and gain independence otherwise. Maybe that's what the awful phrase "get a life" means!

Meanwhile evil me wanted to say: Actually we might not be able to have children and it's heartbreaking to think about, but thanks for reminding me! Maybe you should keep your fat mouth shut.

Sadly, with some people, even this doesn't work.

My best friend had a lot of medical problems when she was younger, and despite the fact that she now looks and feels healthy, she's been told that she can never have children. It would be highly unlikely that she could conceive, and even if, by some miracle, she could, her body isn't capable of carrying to term. However, she and her fiancÚ are pretty clear that they don't want children yet. (They're only 23).

This doesn't stop various people, from women at her church to her own aunt, telling her that "God will grant her a baby" or cooing about the blessings of surrogacy and adoption.

Meanwhile evil me wanted to say: Actually we might not be able to have children and it's heartbreaking to think about, but thanks for reminding me! Maybe you should keep your fat mouth shut.

Sadly, with some people, even this doesn't work.

My best friend had a lot of medical problems when she was younger, and despite the fact that she now looks and feels healthy, she's been told that she can never have children. It would be highly unlikely that she could conceive, and even if, by some miracle, she could, her body isn't capable of carrying to term. However, she and her fiancÚ are pretty clear that they don't want children yet. (They're only 23).

This doesn't stop various people, from women at her church to her own aunt, telling her that "God will grant her a baby" or cooing about the blessings of surrogacy and adoption.

So yeah, some people just have to be bean dipped forever.

Oh yes, I once pointed this out to someone who I witnessed questioning another person. Their response? "Oh I would have heard if it were something like THAT." There's no winning with these people.

Meanwhile evil me wanted to say: Actually we might not be able to have children and it's heartbreaking to think about, but thanks for reminding me! Maybe you should keep your fat mouth shut.

Sadly, with some people, even this doesn't work.

My best friend had a lot of medical problems when she was younger, and despite the fact that she now looks and feels healthy, she's been told that she can never have children. It would be highly unlikely that she could conceive, and even if, by some miracle, she could, her body isn't capable of carrying to term. However, she and her fiancÚ are pretty clear that they don't want children yet. (They're only 23).

This doesn't stop various people, from women at her church to her own aunt, telling her that "God will grant her a baby" or cooing about the blessings of surrogacy and adoption.

So yeah, some people just have to be bean dipped forever.

Oh yes, I once pointed this out to someone who I witnessed questioning another person. Their response? "Oh I would have heard if it were something like THAT." There's no winning with these people.

Oh, dear! How self-entitled! When we were having reproductive problems, we didn't tell anyone except my doctor. I had been told I possibly couldn't have children because of a childhood accident, then we did lose some pregnancies, and we just didn't tell anyone. (We ended up with 2 healthy children, by the way.)

I think the confirmed gossip really doesn't believe that he or she is anything unusual - they would expect that all news would be immediately broadcast, just as it would if they were in possession of it. The idea that some people simply won't tell never crosses their minds.

Logged

My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

What an absolute boor! I would have been so tempted to say "Excuse me, how are my reproductive plans any of your business?". I wouldn't actually have said it, but I would have wanted to.

I'll admit, I've actually said something like this before, but not about myself.

When sis was married, years ago, people would start asking me when she was going to start a family. I think I was at some sort of family event and she and her husband couldn't make it or something. People kept asking and wouldn't stop, until I finally said in a loud voice "My sister does not discuss her reproductive plans with me. If you're so interested in what's going on in her marriage bed, you have her email address and phone number and can ask her yourself."

Not my proudest moment, but it shut EVERYONE up asking about her plans for children, and I've never had anyone ask about my plans either.

What an absolute boor! I would have been so tempted to say "Excuse me, how are my reproductive plans any of your business?". I wouldn't actually have said it, but I would have wanted to.

I'll admit, I've actually said something like this before, but not about myself.

When sis was married, years ago, people would start asking me when she was going to start a family. I think I was at some sort of family event and she and her husband couldn't make it or something. People kept asking and wouldn't stop, until I finally said in a loud voice "My sister does not discuss her reproductive plans with me. If you're so interested in what's going on in her marriage bed, you have her email address and phone number and can ask her yourself."

Not my proudest moment, but it shut EVERYONE up asking about her plans for children, and I've never had anyone ask about my plans either.

I've used "That's none of my business" to shut down people who come to me for gossip fodder. It's quite effective.

Years ago, when my alter ego was doing the morning show, a listener called and was talking about something his kid did (it tied in to something we were talking about on the show). He then told me that I really ought to think about having kids because it wouldn't be too long before my biological clock ran out. I was speechless. He told me that he'd talked to another person at the station who filled him in on all my dirt (whether or not I was married, that I had no kids, and my approximate age -- and yes, that major breach of confidentiality and etiquette was addressed with both the station manager and with the guilty party, but I digress....)

He called in several other times telling me the same thing. Finally I told him that as far as I knew (caution: response definitely not e-hell approved) I didn't have an expiration date tattooed on my (hiney) and that my reproductive abilities were not up for discussion.

I wish I would have used it recently when a telephone installer was doing some work in our house. When it was time to sign the form, I asked DH if he should sign because the account was in his name. The installer said I might as well sign because the woman is the boss in this country. (He was an immigrant)