Some alcoholics still have families when they get to AA. This is a place to ask questions and share experiences about relating to family members sober, especially when newly sober. (If you are not an alcoholic, please use the "Our Friends and Families" forum.)

Hi, Jean. Rod pretty much summed it up.<P>You situation is quite common, and here's something that may help down the road when and if you find yourself visiting the family:<P>Go to AA meetings while you're there. And talk about it.<P>Especially at the weekend meetings here, there is nearly always someone visiting family and going through just what you're going through, feeling just what you're feeling.<P>And, as Rod said, you have an opportunity to be a model, an inspiration. And, as you have said, don't preach, just show them or talk freely about your new life when asked. You may be amazed at the results -- especially for you.

Hi Jean,<BR>I, too, live away from my family of origin and when I first became sober, I was afraid of going back and dealing with my huge German/Irish Catholic family full of drinkers. I found out something, though -- nobody else really payed much attention to my drinking. I walked around with a glass of Sprite, just waiting for the inevitable, "so what are you drinking?" but it never came.Also, I discovered that, although it was an adjustment for my father not to make me a drink the minute I walked in the door, my immediate family was so relieved at the change in my behavior and attitude that practicing the Steps had brought about, that they didn't care why it had happenned, just that it had. No more unexplained mood swings, no more emotionally overwrought outbursts, no more putting up with my hangovers. they still drank, to be sure, but in odd litle ways they supported me. (For example, my dad would make a point of making me a "virgin" marguerita, or putting a slice of lime in my Pepsi.) <BR>The program is an amazing thing, and it works better than anything I could think of on my own!<BR>Alice

Dear Jean,<P>Getting hypersensitive about something that you do not know how people are going to act is normal. But for an alcoholic it can become a problem with our sobiety. And it is the reason that I like the serenity prayer. At meetings they only use part of the prayer. The full text is really nice and very helpful. <P>GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,<P>Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.<P>Living ONE DAY AT A TIME; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.<P>Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it.<P>Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;<P>That I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen<P>Written by Reinhold Neibuhr-1926<P>Hope this helps in trying times of your life and in pleasant times.<P>God Bless<BR>John an Alcoholic