Sunday, March 13, 2005

It's Never Too Early

"DFL" stands for the Democrats (the "Democratic-Farmer-Labor Party") and the Star Tribune news story says an anonymous blogger now owns some website ("domain") names that state Democrats might have wanted for 2006.

A blog dedicated to a truthful discussion on the activities, statements, and tactics of Minnesota Democrats.

and that it isn't

created, endorsed, sponsored, or authorized by any political party, candidate, or candidate's committee.

A casual observer might question the latter assertion, but not this experienced analyst.

There's no reason why "any political party, candidate, or candidate's committee" would want to "create, endorse, sponsor, or authorize" Minnesota Democrats Exposed. And I know this because of logical analysis.

It's a site that mostly talks about Democrats. It hardly ever mentions Republicans. So there's no reason why Republicans would want to "create, endorse, sponsor, or authorize" a site like this. Republicans probably don't care about this site at all!

And it never says anything nice about the Democrats, so there's no reason why Democrats would want to "create, endorse, sponsor, or authorize" a site like this either.

The Greens and Libertarians don't make websites like this one. It's not them.

OK. Put two and two together and what have you got? It's Nobody! Nobody would have the means, motive and opportunity to put up a site like Minnesota Democrats Exposed.

That's how I know. Trust me just this once.

Actually I tend to be pretty astute about these kinds of things. I'm starting to think I'm psychotic. I mean sometimes I think I have EXP. Listen: even before I visited Minnesota Democrats Exposed, I had a premonition: that it wasn't going to be a pro-Democratic blog. As it turns out, I was right. Ha! Some things are just too ineffable for words.

So now the question is: Who would go to all the trouble of setting up a very professional-looking site that's all about Democrats but isn't by Democrats or for Democrats? It took me a long time but I finally figured it out. It's just some lone nut with no connection to any group or political party, that's my guess. Probably just a bored professional website-designer who's making so much money he hardly ever has to work. He's got too much time on his hands and this has caused an irrational aversion to Democrats, that's what it probably is.

It's probably just a hoax -- or a joker -- you know what I mean. Unless ... Unless ... Maybe he's actually thinking of posting unflattering material about those particular Democrats, and hoping that his sites get some traffic from unsophisticated surfers who don't know any better. Maybe he's even trying to undermine somebody's campaign. That could be possible, don't you think?

Oh well. Read the article for yourself and see whether anything jumps out at you:

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At least four Internet domain names that potential DFL gubernatorial and U.S. Senate candidates might like to have, including Attorney General Mike Hatch and Patty Wetterling, have been purchased by a blogger to direct visitors to a weblog critical of Minnesota Democrats.

The websites -- including www.mikehatchforgovernor.com and www.wetterlingforsenate.com -- are registered to Domains by Proxy, an Arizona-based company that acts as a front for people who want to shield their website registration information from the public.

The anonymous person who runs Minnesota Democrats Exposed posted a statement Monday saying that he or she purchased the domain names with personal money to increase the site's number of visitors.

"My modest marketing plan was to ensure that citizens seeking information on Amy Klobuchar, Patty Wetterling, or Mike Hatch receive the opportunity to hear the other side of the story at Minnesota Democrats Exposed," the statement read.

Corey Miltimore, executive director of the state Republican Party, said party officials are not involved in purchasing domain names involving state Democrats and have no control over independently run blogs. There is a link to Minnesota Democrats Exposed on the state Republican homepage.

Klobuchar, who is the Hennepin County attorney and is exploring a possible run for U.S. Senate, said: "I think 18 months before an election is a little early for dirty tricks."

Washington bureau correspondent Paul Sand

Did you get all that? Minnesota Democrats Exposed did. There's even a post on the blog breaking the news: Star Tribune Reports On My Spending Spree. So you can read more about it there. Click for yourself and see whether you agree: doesn't it look like a very professional blog? It's probably not sponsored by anybody, though, as you can see from the exhaustive logical analysis above, so don't worry.

The politicians mentioned in the article are three, and I figured we should all know something about each of them, so here goes:

Patty Wetterling may be thinking of running for the Senate. When she ran for Congress, her website was wetterlingforcongress.com. What would be a good address for a senate run? How about "wetterlingforsenate.com"? Well... that's a pretty good guess, except she can't have it. Because "wetterlingforsenate.com" is owned by Minnesota Democrats Exposed!

Oh well, she probably doesn't read me yet, but maybe some day she will. And I hope it's soon. Because Amy needs some help here, and I think I can help her.

Listen, Amy: I've been watching these guys for a long time and I can tell you: It's not too early. It's never too early. There's no such thing. It's not like moose hunting. There's no season for it. It's always in season.

Look at what you're up against! Look at these guys and what they're up to! They never stop thinking of ways to hurt you and they never stop doing it either. I'm not saying you should do the same thing they do. I am saying please get a clue!! You're being taken to the cleaner by an anonymous blogger and he's gloating about it. And he's able to do this partly because you think "18 months before an election is a little early for dirty tricks."

You've got to stop thinking it's like moose hunting, Amy. Try and understand that the people who do these things are going to do them whenever they think they can get away with it. That means always. Today, yesterday, and tomorrow, forever and ever amen. You should know all this already. You're an attorney, are you not?

Yes, Amy. You should know all this already. So please pay attention. I'm not going to say this again:

These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.

Wisdom

And I gave my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly: I perceived that this also is vexation of spirit. For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.