How to Keep Off Post-Wedding Pudge

Many women gain major pounds in their first year as a wife. That added flab can put a strain on your sexuality… and your relationship.

By
Zoe Ruderman

Aug 05, 2010

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First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes...20 extra pounds on your hips and ass? It's shocking but true: Nutritionists say it's common for women to put on serious weight during the first five years of marriage, with one survey finding that many new wives gain an average of 21 pounds in year one. And you won't be the only one bummed if you can't fit into your single-girl jeans. Turns out that new husbands can feel freaked when their bride suddenly goes up two dress sizes — they think maybe she now cares less about the relationship. Plus, experts say letting yourself go weight-wise once you're hitched can trigger problems in the bedroom. Here's what might be causing the pound creepage and how to outsmart it.

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The Fiancée Get-Fit Trap

Often, the weight gain is a result of what you did before the wedding. Thanks to a surge in bridal boot camps and prewedding diets, lots of women get to the altar considerably below what they should weigh. And in many cases, they've used extreme regimens, like eating only 1,000 calories and doing two or more hours of cardio a day in the final month, says nutritionist Danielle Schupp, RD, coauthor of Urban Skinny. Not only is that impossible to maintain, she explains, but it also slows your metabolism way down. So even if you don't totally hit the skids after the wedding, you're still going to put on weight.

Schupp advises avoiding any quick-fix program (which lasts a month or less). Instead, start your shape-up when you get engaged so you'll lose weight slowly...and permanently.

Eating Manly Meals

Yes, it's partly your husband's fault. "Females tend to mimic their guy's eating, consuming more calories and less healthy food," explains Natalie Rosenstock, RD, a nutritionist in Los Angeles. "They do this even more so after getting married, since there's this feeling of 'We share everything — even diet habits.' " And once you're married, quality time often revolves around food — eating out or cooking together — so you're more likely to indulge.

"Often just being conscious of mirroring your guy's eating routines is enough to keep you from doing it," says Rosenstock. And try this trick: Order before he does at restaurants, and serve yourself first at home. It may sound simplistic, but not being influenced by what or how much he's having can easily knock off up to 300 calories per meal.

Another easy technique that Rosenstock swears by: snacking smartly but often. Men usually munch less between meals than women do. And new brides often try to kick their grazing tendencies since they feel like they shouldn't be eating without their husband. But the we-only-eat-together rule can backfire. "You don't end up saving any calories," says Rosenstock, "because denying yourself snacks when you need them only leads to bingeing during meals." In fact, she adds, you'll most likely end up consuming more calories in a day than you would have if you'd indulged in, say, a midafternoon banana and yogurt.

Lounging Around in Love

When you were single or dating your now-husband, you most likely went out often — meeting up with friends after work or going on dates on weekends. But now that you're hitched, chances are, much of your social scene revolves around your bed and your couch.

It's normal for newlyweds to get in the "couple bubble," says family therapist Jenn Berman, PhD. And a recent study from the journal Obesity confirms it: Women who go from single or dating to married become less active. After all, it's fun to spend half of Sunday between the sheets or Friday nights watching a movie at home with your new husband. But doing so can make you chub up for the obvious reason that you're not burning calories.

No need to cancel your Netflix queue and return to a single-girl social calendar, though. Berman recommends simply making an effort to plan out-of-the-house dates...and not necessarily heavy-duty pursuits like hiking or dancing. Just getting your butt off the couch will motivate you to be less lazy and remind you what a good time you have together actually doing stuff.

Feeling Too Cozy

Finally, there's the sneaky relaxation factor. Be honest: You're just not feeling the same urgency to impress him with your looks, and you may quit stepping on the scale and being so critical of any flab, says Schupp. We're all for less self-criticism, but you want to stay fit for your own sake, if not for his.

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Letting things slide can send a subtle message to your guy that you don't think he's worth the effort anymore, says Berman, which is sometimes enough to make him look for that ego stroking elsewhere, in the form of a fling or an affair.

And showing him you don't care as much about the relationship can also squash your sex drives. Berman says she's seen many women who stop wanting sex after gaining weight and men who admit to not feeling turned on by their suddenly overweight wives. Not a happy honeymoon thought.

So combat that feeling of "I don't need to try as hard now" by hanging on to a few of your single-girl body habits. Weigh yourself regularly, since nutritionists have found that doing so helps women learn to associate certain foods and behaviors with weight gain and, therefore, avoid putting on pounds. Rosenstock also suggests hitting the gym for regular classes, like an abs session before work or spinning on Saturday mornings.

The benefits are twofold: Your husband will know you still care about the relationship, and you won't have to be one of those women who always says "I'll never look as fit as I did on my wedding day."