Tuesday, May 26, 2015

This glorious masterpiece of prurient behavior gleefully dances across every line of good taste laid out by polite society, then goes further. Incest, public telephone booth sex, adultery, homosexuality, murder, rape, bestiality... and that’s just in the first 20 minutes! For another 80, we follow the exploits of a sociopathic American Christopher (Robert Behling) and his Brit “wife” Celia(Jane Lyle) as they work their way through the populace of the small Greek isle of Mykonos, doling out their own special brand of morality and punishment. Mastorakis juxtaposes jaw-dropping onscreen events with gorgeous locales, all set to a groovy soundtrack courtesy of Nikos Lavranos and repeatedly punctuated by the catchy vocal tunes “Do You Love Me Like I Love You” and “Destination”. With golden showers, drug use, and death by makeshift blowtorch, samurai sword, bulldozer blades, and DIY crucifixion, it's a parade of sleaze well worth the time for fans who’ve seen it all.

Monday, May 25, 2015

“A bickering young couple’s weekend at an isolated beach resort turns into a nightmarish struggle between Man and Nature.” With that description, and considering the time-stamp and the genre, one might be forgiven for expecting another run-of-the-mill “When Animals Attack” flick, full of egregiously over-the-top warnings of how the human species has run its course as top of the food chain, thanks to centuries of ecological abuse and neglect. While American ex-pat screenwriter Everett de Roche (Patrick, Razorback) isn’t averse to hammering home the point on occasion through scenes of reckless use of weaponry and thoughtless littering, the casually caustic behavior seems somehow more authentic than, say, Frogs’ opening credits shots of beer cans floating in the Florida swamps. Rather than broadly drawn clichés, with our top-billed hero providing the requisite liberal voice of reason, Roche’s bipedal characters are fragile, careless, bullying, insecure, and genuinely confused as to how their choices led them here. In other words, human.

Sunday, May 24, 2015

A young girl is violently bludgeoned to death in a dead-end alley. A few blocks away, the opulent festivities surrounding the engagement of rebellious scientist Dr. Henry Jekyll (Udo Kier) and vibrant debutante Fanny Osbourne (Marino Pierro) are in full swing. In attendance are a decorated war hero (Patrick Magee), his intemperate daughter, the esteemed Dr. Lanyon (Howard Vernon), and the betrothed’s respective and respected mothers. Religion also has a place at the table, in the form of Reverend Guest (Clement Harari), who vocally opposes Jekyll’s notions of “transcendental medicine.” The news of the murdered youth casts a pall upon the happy occasion, but soon the bloodshed touches the moneyed inhabitants inside, sweeping through the upper crust like (and often with) a sharp blade, and always when the young doc just happens to be out of the room….

Saturday, May 23, 2015

By the late '70s, there wasn’t a movie fan around who hadn’t seen the two “instant classic” horror flicks Jaws and The Exorcist. Similarly, there wasn’t a thriving and/or conniving independent film producer who hadn’t contemplated cutting off a slice of that sweet, sweet exploitation gold, as countless "animals attack" and "demonic possession" flicks followed the suit (and, quite often, the script) of their Oscar-winning Hollywood forerunners. But what screenwriter Gerry Holland (working from a story idea by James Callaway) came up with was nothing short of pure genius: Why not combine the two into a killer creature feature where the beasts are driven to murder by The Beast Himself!

Friday, May 22, 2015

A random batch of civilians charters a short boat trip to investigate and potentially invest in time-shares for Dreamland Estates, a soon-to-be-opening beachside resort. Meanwhile, just up the shore, a discarded but clearly labeled barrel of RADIOACTIVE WASTE (heedlessly cast overboard during the opening credits) has washed up and been picnicked upon by the titular insects, causing them to balloon to enormous size. Seizing their moment, the giant bugs lay waste to their former antagonists as payback for all the stomping and magnifying stunts throughout the ages....

Thursday, May 21, 2015

From American International’s executive-producing team of Samuel Z. Arkoff and James H. Nicholson comes this highly entertaining low-budget schlockfest, raiding the entire reptile house (in addition to the titular croakers) to provide the creepy crawly chills. Riding on the earth-friendly movement of the early ’70s, screenwriters Robert Blees and Robert Hutchison whip up a tongue-in-cheek cautionary tale of embittered critters rising up against grouchy millionaire Jason Crockett’s (Ray Milland) pesticide-ridden swampy island estate. When rugged environmentalist photographer Pickett Smith (Sam Elliott, in an early, mustache-free film appearance) stumbles into Grampa Crockett’s annual Fourth of July family celebration, the stage is set for a muggy, buggy good time.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Following an avalanche of late ’50s films featuring oversized beasties – six in two years, including Beginning of the End, The Cyclops, The Amazing Colossal Man, and Earth vs. the Spider – writer-producer-director-special effects artist Gordon (aka “Mr. B.I.G.”) moved away from the subgenre he had helped create, expanding his oeuvre to include ghost stories, action thrillers, and sex comedies. But the 1970s’ ecological horror boom combined with the Jaws-inspired “animals attack” movement proved too alluring to pass up; when longtime producer and American International honcho Samuel Z. Arkoff approached in 1975, inquiring if he had any new projects, Gordon thought immediately of a certain book by H.G. Wells, one upon which he had already riffed with his 1965 romp, Village of the Giants. As he says on Shout! Factory’s new Blu-ray release, “I remembered the giant rats in The Food of the Gods and instantly I knew we had a picture.”

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Despite being one of the most popular kids in school and from one of the most affluent families in Beverly Hills, Bill (Billy Warlock) never feels like he fits in. His parents (Charles Lucia, Connie Danese), his sister Jenny (Patrice Jennings), his hot cheerleader girlfriend Shauna (Heidi Kozak), and his shrink (Ben Slack) all assure him he’s perfectly normal, but after Jenny’s ex-boyfriend (Tim Bartell) shows up with a mysterious audio recording of Bill’s family discussing abnormal practices in association with her upcoming "coming-out" ceremony, suspicions escalate. As resident teenage dream Clarissa (Devin DeVasquez) zeroes in on Bill, intent on luring him into her web, the situation grows more tangled, culminating in a climax quite literally beyond anyone’s imagination.

Monday, May 18, 2015

When a statue of the Virgin Mary begins to cry tears of warm, red blood following a Brazilian priest’s death, Vatican investigator Father Andrew Kiernan (Gabriel Byrne) is assigned to validate the miracle. When the priest’s rosary beads find their way into the possession of sexy, young (and atheist) urbanite Frankie Paige (Patricia Arquette), she begins to exhibit the first of the Five Wounds of Christ, bleeding from her wrists, ankles, and forehead. Problem is, only the most devout capital-B Believers are supposed to possess the stigmata, so Kiernan is sent to Pittsburgh to “investigate” (i.e. disprove) the incidents.

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Tasked with taking a few snapshots to put her parents’ summer cabin on the market, April (Brittany Allen) is surprised to learn that her boyfriend Kyle (Freddie Stroma) has invited a group of his friends (Melanie Papalia, Jesse Moss, Anja Savcic) to join them for a weekend bash. Their bacchanal is interrupted by a blazing streak of fire in the sky which explodes in the woods nearby. The group venture out to the crash site where they discover the remnants of an honest-to-Scully U.F.O. … and the big-eyed, spindly-limbed former occupants haven’t exactly come in peace or seeking Reese’s Pieces.

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Eager to avenge the death of their fallen comrade, the Nightrider (Vincent Gil), a vicious and bloodthirsty motorcycle gang targets select officers within the battered and bruised police force of the not-too-distant future; soon, war is being waged, with smoking rubber and growling engines the weapons of choice, and civilians and family members the spoils. Leading “the bronze” is Max Rockatansky (Mel Gibson), a young man concerned that he is becoming the very thing he beholds – a murderous, lawless thug. But when the gang’s savage leader The Toecutter (a breathtaking high-wire turn by Hugh Keays-Byrne) sets his sights on Max’s wife Jessie (Joanne Samuel) and their child, the blood-soaked asphalt stage is set for a duel to the death.

Friday, May 1, 2015

The Big, The Trouble, and The Little China (2015) d. Meagan Piccochi (USA)

(NOTE: I know I don't usually review stage productions here, and especially since this isn't even technically a horror play, you might be asking, "What the What, AC?" Answer: Just chill, kids. A little cultchah ain't gonna hurtcha. Much.)

Already in prime John Carpenter mode from three, count 'em, three viewings of Escape from New York whilst burning through Shout! Factory's new two-disc Collector's Edition Blu-ray last week, I was delighted when a fellow Windy City thespian reached out to let me know that New Millennium Theatre (purveyors of such manic masterpieces as Hack/Slash: Stagefright, The Texas Chainsaw Musical, Manos: Rock Opera of Fate, and Boomstick) was ready to unleash their latest mash-up of cult classics.

About Me

Well, during the day I move among you as mild-mannered Aaron Christensen, Chicago actor. But at night, when the popcorn pops full, I transform into my alternate personality Dr. AC, hopeless horror movie nerd-cum-Ambassador of Horror.
However, despite my inclination to discuss monsters that pervade, aliens that invade, creatures of the night, vampires that bite...I'm actually the nicest guy you'll ever meet.