Two days ago, the Mets finished a series in a night game that had been rained out the previous Tuesday and rescheduled. Partly because of the rainout and partly because, every fall, fans do with the Mets what the sun does with the earth, there were very few people in attendance to see the Mets get outrageously thumped by the Phillies, 16-1. The New York Times, in an article titled, "Reeling Mets Strike Bottom," described the scene like this:

[T]he depth of quiet at Citi Field was difficult to overstate. The monotone of the public address announcer and the drone of jet engines lent an eerie quality to the spectacle, as the sounds rattled against empty seats and hard surfaces. Individual voices from the stands rang out, jarringly clear.

What to do? The Mets are famously hard up for cash, and it costs a lot to put on a baseball game—even more if no one will come to see it. They can't just stop playing, that's against the rules for some reason. There needs to be some way to drum up excitement and get fans to the ballpark. Well, someone in the Mets marketing department hit on the perfect promotion (to make us suddenly aware of the painful absurdity of everyday life):

Between July 31 and Sept. 21, beyond which I didn't have the heart to check, the Mets hit two home runs in 6 of their 46 games. My math-ulator tells me that a given game offers roughly a 13% chance of getting this Wild! Crazy! Detergent! Deal! with the way the team is playing now. The Mets didn't homer twice in one game between July 31 and Aug. 16. Enticed yet? Well what if I tell you that Tide Pods Laundry Detergent 18-CT are usually...$7.99!! That's a full 25% off, not including tax. Now that's the kind of bargain you want to see in your inbox if you're a Mets fan. Offer ends Sept. 30, restrictions apply.

The beautiful twist? They did it last night, to help them beat the even more woebegone Marlins. Make that 7 times in 47 games. That's why you saw all those tearful Mets fans carrying Tide Pods Laundry Detergent 18-CT home last night.

Fans of shitty teams playing out the September baseball string: has your team sent you any equally sad promotions? I'd love to get them collected all in one place, so forward 'em if you got 'em, and we can cry together.