My wife and I have been having threesomes with him for about five years

We all started kissing and soon were stripping off and having sex in the lounge. It was awesome.

Afterwards we all said it had been great fun and we have continued ever since.

Our friend also has sex alone with my wife with my full consent.

But since my wife had our little girl it keeps going through my head that we don’t actually know who her father is.

I don’t know whether to raise it with my wife, as things aren’t great between us.

We go to a swinging club sometimes and the only enjoyment we seem to get now is when my wife has sex with others and I watch.

It’s fine with both of us but is this normal?

The problem seems to be that I don’t have a high sex drive.

I get more turned on having sex with friends at the swinging club than I do with my wife.

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DEIDRE SAYS: I wish you’d taken my warnings on board when you first wrote to me.

The only way to settle paternity for certain is through DNA testing but if the result isn’t what you hope for, would that spell the end of your marriage?

How would that affect all of your children?

It sounds as though you’re nervous about having an honest talk with your wife but it’s long overdue.

Pushing the sexual boundaries can have a numbing effect in the end but, if you both stop having sex with anyone else and refresh your sex life at home, you could really strengthen your relationship.

My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex can help. The ideas are all for two.

If your wife isn’t willing – if maybe she knows the guy next door is your little girl’s father and he means more to her than you do – better face up to reality than continuing to live on shifting sands like this.

TOPIC FOR TODAY

CELEBRITIES go to expensive clinics for their “sex addiction” while ordinary folk just get labelled cheats.

But are some people genuine sex addicts? My e-leaflet Addicted To Sex? explains what it is and the help available. Email me at the problems@deardeidre.org for a copy.

Shoved by son during holiday bust-up

Dear Deidre

MY son shoved me in front of my granddaughter during a row on holiday.

The three of us were in Tenerife and trying to plan our day.

I wanted to go to the volcano but his 12-year-old daughter wanted to stay by the pool.

She was whining and I said something under my breath about her being spoilt.

My son said he was sick of me spoiling the holiday.

He pushed me across the room and I fell over a suitcase.

I’m 55. He is 30 and broke up with his daughter’s mum four years ago.

My son said I was a terrible mother as he grew up and that as far as he was concerned we were over.

He still doesn’t want to know me three months on and I’m not allowed to see my granddaughter.

DEIDRE SAYS: Of course it was very wrong of your son to use violence.

Write to him saying how much you love and miss him and your granddaughter.

Simply say you’re sorry for your part in the row and hope you can make up.