What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life. It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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As you get to know your significant others, you will discover new aspects of their character and personality. Some of these will be appealing to you and some will not. We all have different sides to our character—we are all capable of being kind and loving, selfish and cruel, wise and capable, foolish and careless. These are the dualities of what it means to be human. We all share the same traits that make us human—a full range of emotions, behaviors and instincts. Some remain dormant until provoked; others reveal themselves more readily and consistently.

So don’t be surprised to find that one day, out of the blue, your loved one acts in a way that surprises you. Don’t be alarmed when you discover that your new love who was so accepting, now shows his frustration and judgment. It doesn’t mean that the loving part of who that person is has gone away. It simply means that you are now experiencing more of who he or she is. People are not either/or. People are both/and.

I am both kind and loving, selfish and demanding, patient and compassionate, judgmental and intolerant. I am all of it. And as the people in my life get to know me more intimately, they understand that I am a complex human being capable of behaving in many ways, feeling many emotions, and developing as a human being all the time. And while my dominant personality is basically friendly, kind and positive, that doesn’t mean I don’t have less desirable traits that show up from time to time. I am both/and. When I’m feeling impatient and act accordingly, that doesn’t mean the patient part of me has disappeared. It simply means that the circumstances that exist in both my internal and external world has resulted in me showing up as impatient. Another set of circumstances will come along soon and another part of myself will show up as a result.

So as you settle in and get to know someone, remember they are a both/and. Discover and accept all of who he/she is and then decide if the relationship works for you or not. All the human archetypes live within us. This does not change. What does change is how we accept and manage the aspects of who we are as human beings. The work of being human is not to change what it means to be human. The work of being human is becoming self-aware, managing our emotional world, and making conscious choices on how we want to live our lives and relate to one another.

Take the time to get to know yourself. Take the time to get to know others. Embrace your relationships from the perspective of both/and. Make the commitment to do the work of what it means to be human and create meaningful and fulfilling relationships in every area of your life.

Be well,

Julie

If you or someone you know would like to create strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life, please contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

When you first fall in love, everything is easy. Sex is great, conversations flow, you don’t notice all those annoying habits, and you love spending time together. It’s effortless. As the relationship matures and you settle in, things become less easy. Those annoying habits show up all the time, the guy who once wanted to take you dancing every week, now rather watch a movie on Netflix, and the woman who used to dress up for every date, now shows up in jeans and sweats.

Oh yes, it’s that time when the fantasy of phase one subsides and the work of phase two begins. This is the time to ask yourself the big question—“Am I really interested in a committed relationship?”

To help you search your soul, answer the following questions as honestly as you can and let’s see what’s true for you.

Am I willing and interested in…

Listening and understanding rather than defending and re-attacking my partner?

Learning who my partner is and what makes him or her tick?

Sharing who I am with her or him in return?

Understanding that at times I will be bored, frustrated, and lazy with this relationship (and so will my partner)?

Accepting that healthy relationships take work to sustain?

Working through the tough times knowing that good times will come again?

Growing as a person?

Giving up control, compromising, and finding the win-win whenever possible?

Telling the truth even though it may hurt me, my partner and the relationship?

Understanding that my partner and I are not perfect and will make mistakes along the way?

Figuring out if I like more things than not about my partner?

Forgiving?

If you said yes to eight or more questions, then you are definitely ready to take the plunge. And what about the other four questions? Don’t worry;the best journeys are those that are filled with unexpected twists and turns. You just may surprise yourself.

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you would like more information on how to navigate through the four phases of a developing relationship, visit. www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love. If you’d like more information on how to create the life you choose and work with me personally, please contact me directly at julie@julieorlov.com or call 310-379-5855310-379-5855 to schedule a session.

Get the support you deserve. Get the help your relationship wants.

As always, I'm here to support you in creating strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life!

Relationships are full of yin and yang’s. You want closeness and you need separateness. You need to retain a sense of self and you need to create a sense of we. You need to attend to your partner’s needs and you need to ensure your needs get met. I could go on and on but you get the picture. There are always tensions between two wants and needs in relationships.

The trick is navigating the tension and making choices over which need requires your attention or deference at that moment in time. Rarely will you achieve the perfect balance. More often than not you will traverse back and forth between the polarities as the situation dictates. This is the work of relationships. This is the nature of life.

As we all struggle with dualities, here are a few tips to use when having to choose.

Take a step back and determine who or what has the greater need. If you need a day to rest and your partner really wants to go to her office party, see if you can objectively determine whose need is greater. Go with the greater need even if this requires a sacrifice.

Take the long-term perspective as well as the immediate gratification. When you do, it usually becomes clear what needs your attention and what choices to make.

If you have to make a choice between your individual needs or the relationship’s needs, choose the relationship.

Be willing to sit with the tension for a while. Often we don’t know immediately what path to take. Sitting with things for a time often leads to more clarity. It’s okay to be confused and not know. In reality, sometimes that’s the best place to be—clarity comes with time and patience.

Remember, while you can strive to meet everyone’s needs and keep everything in balance, rarely is this possible. Be willing to accept that a win for one side comes with a loss on the other. This is perfectly okay. The pendulum will swing back and forth throughout your lifetime.

We are continuously dealing with dualities. There will always be competing needs within your relationships. Be thoughtful, take your time and make the best decisions you can. That’s all you can ask for.

People get excited when they meet someone new. We put on our best "face" and watch our p's and q's. We don't want to share too much too soon for fear of judgment and rejection. And in some respects, this is wise. The beginning of a relationship is devoted to having fun and getting to know someone slowly over time. I know for me that if I knew some things about my husband when we first went out that I know now, I might have sent him packing. But as we get to know someone in the fullness of who they are, we understand things that occurred in their lives within a greater context. Too much too soon can be a bad thing. TMI is sometimes very real.

On the other hand, we should never give our power away for fear of judgment and rejection. We hold back from speaking out early on in our relationships when it is not in our best interest. We hold back from sharing our truth even in well established relationships and lose ourselves because of it. We give our power away too often and too easily. There are circumstances from which we should never let fear of judgment, rejection or ridicule silence us.

These include (Click Read in Browser to access this important information!)

A good relationship is not a destination, a good relationship is a process. When you understand how relationships develop over time and what issues to address and how to address them effectively, you become proficient in the process of relationship building. Once you master the process of relationships, you are able to create relationships that result in healing, growth and transformation. This is where the magic lies. This is what The Pathway to Love is all about.

If you have not checked out The Pathway to Love program, I strongly encourage you to do so today. My life's work is about creating a process, a pathway that allows you to work through any issues that arise in your relationship so that you and your partner become more connected, not less. The program includes:

The Pathway to Love book will teach you about all the challenges and opportunities in the four phases of a developing relationship, helping you identify which phase you’re in right now, and illustrating how couples evolve their relationships to greater levels of intimacy.

The Pathway to LoveWorkbook will take you, step by step, through a series of questions and reflections that you can do on your own or with your loved one that will move you from your “stuck” state of conflict to resolution and understanding. You’ll have an opportunity to deeply explore your true fears and desires and to learn things about your partner you’ve never known before. You’ll feel your love and trust build with every exercise and question.

The Pathway to LoveAudio Guide is a candid recording of real sessions with real clients as they work with me to move through their specific struggles. You’ll hear me advise a woman who is distraught over a boyfriend who stops returning calls, help a wife and mother decide whether to stay married after her husband had an affair, and offer guidance to a couple who can’t seem to agree on how much closeness and affection is enough. By listening to these real sessions, you’ll see The Pathway to Love program “in action” and be able to apply the core lessons to your own situation.

The Pathway to Love program will also enable you to:

Go from struggle, fighting and disappointment to feeling deeper love, deeper trust, and more security in your relationship

Explore the truth about yourself and your partner so you can fully accept yourself and your partner and stop feeling “triggered”

Redefine, reignite, and breathe new life into your relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together or how much distance you’re feeling now

Create the right conditions from which you and your partner can heal, grow, and transform

You deserve to have a relationship based on mutual respect, love and intimacy. So do something for yourself and the people you love. Create intimacy and transform your relationships through self-discovery and discovery of others. You won't regret it.

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you are someone you know wants to create strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve.