Let’s set a new standard for social interactions - moving beyond our freeze responses and our snarky comebacks. Let’s clarify the intentions of others directly, and not veer away or walk around what we think is being said, what might be meant, because we are afraid of misinterpreting them.

Reading it again, I was surprised to find myself arguing with my own handout, and realized that I wanted to talk about how taking an Integral Communication approach has become increasingly important to me.

As I was helping two people work through a conflict a few weeks ago, one of them turned to me and snapped,

“So basically you’re accusing me of being abusive?”

I took a deep breath.

“OK. Let’s slow down ... first, am I understanding what you are telling me accurately: You said you called your partner a liar, swore at them multiple times, raised your voice, followed them from room to room after they asked for a time out and then shattered a glass on the floor between the two of you - is that right?”