Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Tall, Dark, and Fancy

In Lolita related communities, especially loli_secrets, there is always someone waxing poetic about how they wish they had a prince of their own, or wishing that their current partner would dress up with them. Sometimes other girls can be very harsh in response to these sorts of posts, considering the prince-seekers selfish and immature. I can see both sides of the argument, and it's much more gray than black and white. Usually, a compromise and a frilly happily ever after ever are indeed possible.

On one hand...
Dressing up with someone is terribly fun. I admit that I have never dated someone "normal", I'm just much more attracted to people into some kind of alternative fashion. It's rather romantic to go out together all fancied up! If Lolita (or goth, punk, visual kei etc) is a big part of your life, it makes sense that you'd want to share it with someone you care about.

On the other hand...
The quality of a person is so much more important than their clothes. You can't enjoy the romance of being in your own little world through fashion if your boyfriend is a jerk. A person who respects you, loves you, and is compatible with you is so much more important than looking dandy in a tophat. Of course, even if they don't participate, they need to respect your choices. Making fun of your clothing and tastes, belittling you, or trying to change you is not okay. Likewise, show them the same respect.

...yeah, okay, but I still want a prince D:<

If your heart is set on some aristocrat arm candy, then here are some basic strategies for going about it. But first there are two important things to remember:1. A boyfriend, girlfriend, or best friend is not a fashion accessory. They have feelings and opinions of their own, respect that.2. No means no. If you've brought it up and they've refused, that is not license to pester them until they submit to your will.

With that in mind, are you content with a platonic prince? Or do you really want a love connection too?

It's generally much easier to convince friends to get gussied up with you. See if a friend who has admired your style would be interested in coming along with you to a meet up. Offer to help them make an outfit, help them pick one out, or if you're really committed, offer to buy them one. Or perhaps if you're lucky, maybe there's a lolita you know who's been wanting to try a boystyle anyway.

If it's your partner that you need to win over, you've probably already asked (and if you're looking for tips, they probably said no). Why did they say no?

Do they not have the money?
Coming by a basic starter kodona or aristo outfit actually doesn't require much more than a trip to the mall. You can get a black or white collared shirt, a black vest, and black pants at H&M and other discount retailers. A top hat or other appropriate head wear can be acquired at Hot Topic, a Halloween store, and sometimes even "normal" hat stores. Walmart and Target sell pocket watches for $8. Other accessories like a cravat are very easy to make yourself.

Are they embarrassed by the attention alt fashion attracts?
If it's a case of stage fright holding them back, try to getting them to go out in a large group. There's safety in numbers, and most people feel much more comfortable standing out as a unit rather than by themselves. Invite them to a meet up or get some friends to dress up and go out with you.

...Or is it just not their thing?
If it's just not the kind of fashion they are into, the only strategy I can recommend is calling in a personal favor. Ask them to do it for you as a present for your birthday or Valentine's Day, or some other special event like a convention or big meet up. But if this is the case, consider how much it means to you versus how much of a sacrifice it is for your partner. If you love boyfriend, don't make him do something that truly makes him uncomfortable.

Well, what if I don't have a partner already?
If you're single and looking for a tall, dark, and fashionable mate into aristocrat or kodona right off the bat, that's a bit more tricky. The fact is, the lolita community is vastly dominated by girls (if you're bisexual or a lesbian, you're in luck!), and most guys at meetups are there with their girlfriends. So if your local community is like most, you probably won't have much success searching within that small pool. I recommend that you broaden your scope to include communities for Victorian goth, Steampunk, and related fashions. These groups are much more equal in gender, and much of their Victorian-inspired men's attire is extremely similar to aristocrat. Try trolling for potential princes as your local goth club, or at a steampunk meet up.

When it comes down to it, fashion is just a delightful bonus. When looking for your prince, it is much more important that they make you feel like a princess, rather than help you look like one.

4 comments:

I think lolitas are better by ourselves. I know this sounds weird but when lolitas date they stop being fabulous, they tone down their look to make him/her more comfortable. I can't get a date anyway, none the less cause i'm a lolita, I've given up. I think more lolitas should stay single. There are no men outside of Japan fabulous enough for us.

I really enjoyed this article! I would love it if my boyfriend would dress up with me, but it's just not his thing, and I don't want him to be uncomfortable if I were to ask him. Maybe someday he'll show an interest in it, but as of yet, not so much!

"think lolitas are better by ourselves. I know this sounds weird but when lolitas date they stop being fabulous, they tone down their look to make him/her more comfortable. I can't get a date anyway, none the less cause i'm a lolita, I've given up. I think more lolitas should stay single. There are no men outside of Japan fabulous enough for us. "

I think that's crap. I've dated plenty of guys who absolutely adore me in Lolita and I've probably dressed up more extravagantly for going out with them than any other occasion.

How thoughtful~ great advice that works in reverse, too. As an one into Aristo and Visual-kei, I've always fancied the thought of going to meetups with friends [and then later if the time came, with the significant other] who do classic and qi lolita, and having photos together like these. But I'd even love dressing up with the gyaru friends, such a contrast.