If you don't know who Paramore is by now...well, there's really no help for you. Wiki defines their music type as emo, pop punk, and alternative rock., which I suppose is accurate. In any case, they have a new album called Brand New Eyes. Now, I have a love/hate relationship with Paramore. I like a few of their songs a lot, but most of it is terribad. This album has not changed my feelings. I crave the energy that Paramore can produce from songs like Misery Business and Fences. But most of the time, Paramore decides that it is okay to play slow, and they become gayer than the gayest rainbow. Hint: While gay rainbows are acceptable, playing punk music slowly is not. Ever. And I don’t care if you’re a hybrid band that isn’t just punk. If you decide to ever be punk, you don’t get to slow down.

Brand New Eyes is filled with treachery and lies. Opening with Careful, I was led to believe that maybe this one would be different. While it is not the best song I’ve ever heard, it was definitely at the quality level minimum that is required for me to not delete music. Which is to say, that I like the song. It produces energy, has rocking beats (the drummer, Zac Farro, has some serious skills), and Hayley Williams is at her vocal best in these types of songs. Better yet, the song is followed by Ignorance, which may be the best song Paramore has ever written. So far, I’m intrigued. I’m liking the album. I think Paramore has finally transitioned from bad to good. I’m happy.

Then the slow songs start, and they seem to go on forever. Each song is basically a lifetime of torment. Playing God has a saving grace. The lyrics are hilarious. “Next time you point a finger…I might have to break it off.” I’m a fan of violence, so this appeals to me. Turns me on even. But, that doesn’t make the song good. At Brick by Boring Brick, my brother left the room claiming he had a headache. He did, and it was caused by Paramore. I agreed with Turn It Off and only continued listening to be fair to the rest of the album. The Only Exception might be heartfelt, but it’s slow and it’s boring. So far 2/7 songs I like. 2/7 songs I tolerate. And 3/7 songs have already been removed from my memory.

Feeling Sorry, Looking Up, and Where the Lines Overlap all share the same features. They’re mildly energetic, slightly boring, and overall mediocre. Any song where Hayley isn’t basically rapping (singing fast and adding the spiteful hatred that her voice is so great for) just doesn’t fit with the image I’ve built myself of Paramore. None of these songs have that.

Misguided Ghosts and All I Wanted finish off the album epically. As in, they are epically slow, and I don’t care for them at all. By this point, I’m glad to be done listening. Decode from the Twilight soundtrack has been added as a bonus to the international versions. By now you’ve formed your opinions on that song. If you haven’t, I’ll help. It’s not bad, but it’s not great.

And so Brand New Eyes changes nothing. Paramore continues to be a band that has potential. I personally think they just don’t want to use it. They could be so much better if they focused on the speed, the energy, and the powerful vocals that make them special. There are lots of bands that can produce deep emotional feelings with slow songs. Paramore is not one of them. They just become annoying when they stop being filled with hate and spite!