Posts Tagged ‘SCU’

New York’s infamous Son of Tony cereal killer has struck again. The victim this time is 27-year-old Bobby Lance Miskef Zepsucie, heir to the Kellogg’s Sugar Smacks fortune. His body was found Monday evening covered in the cereal his father invented in 1953. Police have yet to reveal details, but eye-witnesses told Stampworthy reporters his mouth was overflowing with Sugar Smacks, leading to speculation of forced inhalation and subsequent suffocation.

If verified, this marks the fourth killing of a cereal heir related death in the last month. The first three deaths include the Downy child of the creator of Special K, the gay son of the Fruit Loops engineer, and the flakey Rice Krispies triplets, whom New Yorkers have decided to count as one entity.

Police have yet to make an arrest in the Son of Tony case, but are hopeful. “We have yet to make an arrest in the Son of Tony case, but we’re hopeful,” said Adolf O’Malley, head of the New York Police Department’s Sugar-related Crimes Unit (SCU). He later affirmed the SCU has yet to make an arrest in the Son of Tony case, but they’re hopeful.

Some have questioned whether Zepsucie murder is related to the other deaths. “He was into the hard stuff,” a close friend of Zepsucie told Stampworthy reporters. “He started running with a different crowd and didn’t really seem like himself…he just sat there staring at the wall mumbling ‘dig ‘em.’”

Still, the SCU is pursuing the case as a related crime. “We’re pursuing the case as a related crime,” said O’Malley. “Fool me once, shame on…shame on you. Fool me four times–you can’t fool me again.”

In a related story the heir to the Frosted Flakes fortune has gone missing. His family could not be reached for comment, but a spokesperson from Kellogg’s told Stampworthy reporters that the public should not panic, that “everything will be great.”