Welcome

Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and
others concerned about HIV/AIDS. Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the
conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning: Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive
and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a
username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own
physician.

All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators
of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please
provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are
true and correct to their knowledge.

Author
Topic: sometimes after I speak with my son I break down and cry (Read 11999 times)

I have been having to just break down and cry after speaking with my son....am I just losing it. I do not expect any answers as I know one needs to cry , just wanted to type out my feelings to an understanding group of people. I just want to take the HIV away from him and take it for myself, I am feeling so helpless. I used to fix his problems when he was growing up and I cannot fix this one. He is dealing with this much better than me or at least it appears so. When he calls me with sore throats, or coughing or diarrhea I try very hard to reassure him that he is not doomed to die , but when I get off the phone I just cannot stop crying...

I told my mom that I was HIV+ and the first thing she did was open the phone book, called a good doctor she knew and tried not to cry (but we both failed and started sobbing)....Crying is needed because holding everything in will just make things worst....She seems to be taking things much better now (and me too) now that ive been to the doctor a few times and she knows that im going to be all right....

Your son will be all right also so long as he takes his treatments and does everything accordingly and takes care of himself...i know you want to make it better for him as all mothers do but the most you can do is be there for him and give him support (which im sure is what your doing)...You are doing the most you can and im sure he realizes it and appreciates it. The fact that he had the nerve to tell you (which is just as hard to tell as it is to hear) shows that you too have a great relationship....

...if youd like i can give you my mothers email address and maybe you two could talk and she can tell you how shes managed to deal with it and what has helped her (because i honestly dont know)....

The thing that has helped me deal is KNOWLEDGE ...knowing that i will be ok...HIV isnt diabetes but it is managable (its not easy) but your son will fight (with your help) and you both need to be strong

It was with a bit of sadness that I read your post here, and I have a few suggestions to help you if you feel like trying some.

First off, many of us have been, as you well know, living with this bug for some years now, and when your son has issues that seem insurmountable, please feel free to PM some of us who have "been there and done that". I know for a fact that Joe Killfoile, Alanbama, Lis, and a few others here are very experienced in softening some of the hard edges of this disease. For example, I recently discovered, once again, that yogurt is almost an indispensible part of our therapy, due to the killing of the good bacteria that takes place in our guts. Mostly from HIV but also from the medications, so everyone with HIV who is not lactose intollerant should at least try this to soften the edges of diarrehea. Other things which can soften the edge a bit are to keep our entertainment light hearted and concentrate mostly on comedic input from what we seek out as entertainment. I know for a fact that laughter is very much important to keeping our immune systems in balance and to ward off depression when it lurks it's ugly head.

There are many things that we all universally do that have not been studied, and have not been quantified; but we know, help us to not only survive with this disease, but to make every attempt to thrive.

Please never beat yourself up for having those frustrating feelings of inability. I have been with my partner who is and has been a care giver since he was 7 years old, and pretty much raised all 8 of his siblings, so when we were faced with some of the seemingly insurmountable obsticles that HIV sends your way, he became very much like you. Unfortunately there is little that one can do from the outside because this is very much a participatory disease, and most of what has to happen must come from within us ourselves. Nevertheless, the support and love you give your son is something that is invaluable, even if it is only to give a shoulder to cry on. Don't worry about being a hero, as the only heros with HIV are those who live with it in honesty and with a victorious attitude.

I hope that something I typed out here helps and that you can somehow find peace with your sons' affliction. In the end, it is often times the things we discover on our own and not from the doctor that will help us get through the tough times.

Love,

Logged

The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,and 362 to heterosexuals.This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals, It's just that they need more supervision.Lynn Lavne

hi mom, i ditto tim's thoughts. you have many long term survivors here who can answer many of your questions. pls keep in touch and we will try to help wipe away those tears.be thankful that your son shared that info with you. many pwa's of the 80's & 90's kept that info to themselves for fear of rejection from their family. it saddened me deeply how many died without disclosing, and for many, died alone. your son has shown much courage coming to you and he must have felt very loved by his mom to share this news.give yourself credit for that!kellyspoppi

Hi Mom, Thanks for sharing. I frightens me a little though. My parents have been so wonderful since I was diagnosed before Christmas. I left my sisters Christmas eve hardly able to lift my head from a pillow. I could see the anguish in my Mothers eyes. It still haunts me. Two months later I had to run over when I was feeling better so that she could get that vision out of her head, and show her that I was getting better. Dealing with HIV is a difficult thing for those of us that have it. We also need to understand that those that deal with the affects of HIV like you and my parents need our understanding as well. Thanks for reminding us all of that.God Bless you and be with you and your son.Peter

Thank you all so very much. Reading this forum gives me my hope and renews my strength and courage when I tend to lose it to a flood of tears. All of you are excellent counselors. I hope all of you will be long term survivors, my son included. Thanks for your support.

Your son is not doomed to die! He'll live with it! And i expect him to have a good life with it when he has acces to good treatment care.

I'm gonna tell you about an experience i had a few days back:I met a very (really very) attractive women who found out in 1999 she, her husband and her son were hiv positive. The way they found out was very hard. Her son was 4 months old, very sick and was expected to die. Nobody thought about hiv because they were a model family: white, middle class, heterosexual and very married. Well they had some complaints about their health. She was often very tired, he had some pain in his joints and had wieght loss, but it seemed all so easy to explain: she worked too much and he had visited the South American Jungle so he would probably have caught some parasite... The docs were still busy finding out what it was...

Because their little baby boy was very sick the docs decided, as last option, to test for HIV antibodies. But it was expected to be negative, jut a formal issue... Unfortunately it was positive. The first thing she thought was: the whole family will die. But the doctors told her immidiately: No you won't die, with current treatment care you'll live! When your newborn responds well on the meds he'll become an old man! her baby boy was at that time more dead then alive, but... after four days the meds started to do their job. Six days later her baby boy could leave the intensive care unit.

Now her son is eight years old. He performs as one of the best on school, once a week he has Karate lessons and during the weekends he's busy with motorcrossing. His health is excellent! She really is a very attractive and stylish woman with an optimistic outlook. She works, goes out, lives healthy and expects to grow old. Their doc has projected a long and healthy life for them as long as they are adherent to their meds and take care of themselves.

So mom, of course you're very worried. HIV is no cake walk. But with the right treatment care and of course your support and especially your love he'll do fine soon!

Thank you so very much Zeb...I will save your post and read it when I have my "hopeless episodes"...Just reading what you typed has made me feel much better and more positive. The majority of times I am positive as I know there are good meds out there. Then I think of how my son says he feels like an outcast when he cannot apply for a job that has a blood test requirement, or he feels awkward about going to the dentist and having to write HIV on the forms and then he is treated differently...I know people die of lots of things, diseases and accidents..But the ignorance of others and the fear of others causes HIV to be looked on differently. It makes me angry. It is a disease and no one should be treated badly because of any disease. Now I went off on a tangent. .when all I wanted to do is say THANK you for your kind words and your story.. This forum and the people on this forum are so very helpful. I am grateful that I found this forum. Thank you Zeb and everyone elsefor your support.motherinneed

I'm making an assumption that you have'nt known about your son for very long. I remember telling a friend of mine that I was poz at the 5 year mark. She was crying and I told her not to cry as I had known for 5 years and was fine. Her reply?

But I've only known for 5 minutes.

She needed to cry. YOU need to cry. I STILL cry after 19 yrs with hiv. And guess what? I'm willing to bet MY mom still cries. We are ALL human and and dealing with HIV can be wearing, stressful, and depressing.

My advice? Share with your son. A good cry TOGETHER could be very therapeutic.

I just received your PM ( I cannot PM, must be my status). Thank you so much for your note. I walk around with this heaviness in my heart. It seems so surreal. I cried myself to sleep last night. It's only day 3 of discovery.

I understand your feelings and hopefully we learn together how to cope and support.

i have children and grands and as hard as it was to watch them go thru things and can do nothing aboutit, i never worried that my children wouldnt be alright or find a way to get whatever needed to be done, donethere r things i wish they werent doing, but so did my mother and her mother. and i am lately realizingthat my grandmother didnt worry about my mother my mother didnt worry about me and i dont worry about my kids surviving. all we can do is be there. i apologize if i seem to take what you feellightly, but there is no need to cry, you should be full of thankful tears that your son's mom isthere for him, with love, you need to be strong for him. show him let him feel your unconditional lovetell him he is not dirty, make him understand that this is not a punishment just life. do let himbe alone to often. ask him to try and explain all the different feeling and chances we go thru, somewe dont know our selves. anyway, let him cry alone, how long as he knew. because there aredifferent phases we go thru. i took a while to tell my kids because they would have a hard to beingemotionaly to long. because i did touch them, and they did cry because for a little while they soon enoughforgot all about it, because nothing change, just the way they dont worry about me, is the way i trust themto be strong. your mind is stronger than their medicines. try to stop him from thinking so much. if he just gotit, he will go over and over who, what, where for some reasons it is important to know this. we have to findthe culpit. if he got it from someone who didnt tell him, we will try to take what he knows and get past thedenial , but that wont happen untill he realizes he will never understand evil. my point is really believe he is going to be all right. just like you came thru some things yourself. if you like you can email me at dc22ny@yahoo.com maybe i can help you make sense in some way, and maybe i can talk to your sonit is nice to hear from someone who understandsall the lucktheahope to hear from you. I am good at making things a little better.

I am also a mother of a wonderful son who is HIV poz. I also cry and want to throw things, hit people and generally rant at the entire world. Thanks to the wonderful people in these forums though I find strength and support I can't get from family and friends.I'm sure that your son is thankful for your support and unconditional love and as I have found out recently from my own son, it's okay to cry as long as some of those tears are happy ones. Just the fact that God blessed you with this wonderful person is reason enough to cry tears of joy.Take joy in the fact that your son loves and trusts you enough to have confided in you in the first place. That was probably the hardest thing he has ever done in his life; and it sounds like you have passed the MOM TEST with flying colors !!Maybe we Moms need to form a network to help all people understand that our sons and all the other people in the world with HIV are still people and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. After all they are people... and not a disease.Love your son, that's the greatest gift you can give him.

Proudmom, that is something you need to pass along to Peter Staley. Maybe it could be parents with children with HIV/AIDS. Drop Peter a line and run it by him, he's really good about things like this. Ann and Andy can help you out. It sounds like a great idea.

Hi mom, i know how you feel about it since i just knew a week ago that my brother that's been away for more than 10 years has HIV and now undergoing CMV diseases. I don't even know how to open this up with my parents...it's so heavy to handle. I know it's difficult but we have to be strong for them. We love them so much and can't bear to lose them. I hope that there are understanding people out there who is willing to share their knowledge about what can CMV do to HIV patients?is there any hope for my brother to be healthy again? Mom, I pray for the speedy recovery of your son.

Hi mom,Yes I feel for you imagine when I tested HIV Positive my mom was the greatest strength! she told me I wont stop being her son,We bond and are so closer now pliz show him love,its not the end of life and stop crying He is not goiung to die,I am healthier with HIV now thanm when I did not know its four years now and guess what mom,I am engaged and will be marrying soon,I get cold like anyone else,I mean in this age......and by the way my fiancee is HIV negative..she has accepted me the way I am and I am happy mom..dont feel for your son just encourage him and tell him the potential he has even with HIV...GODBLESS.