Am always asking him if he loves me reeks of desperacy I was never desperate but confident. I just want my confidence back. I wonder if he ever gets annoyed? How much asking for attention is too much? I have to tell myself to back off a little. I feel as though I am smothering him like I am following him around like a puppy dog...when he is sitting down Ill sit ri h ht next to him or jump on his lap and hug him...maybe I should bring it up at MC...I know maybe it would annoy me a little even if I had solid feelings anyone else feel this way? I know even though he brought this on, all humans need a little healthy space

"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs M...wow to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 213 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno

justme39♂ 31261Member # 31261

Posted: 10:48 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014

I feel for you. I have been there and still find myself there at times even 4 years later.

I am not sure that I should give any advice since this has been a struggle for me, but I do know one thing. Wayward spouses cheat because they are worried more about themselves than their spouse. Just because they are caught or fess up, doesn't make them start to care about you more. If you try to hard to gain their approval and affection, it makes them want you even less. The whole marital dynamic is mixed up.

That is my experience. I hope that you can find the strength to believe in yourself more and worry about your spouse's approval less. Good luck and God bless.

D-Day 3/18/11
Kids 18,15,11
Married 20 years
Trying R

Posts: 49 | Registered: Feb 2011

Smokehouse♂ 40203Member # 40203

Posted: 11:05 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014

How does he react to it? Is he attentive or appear put off?

I did some of the same after my WW and I got some solid footing and started the road to R. For my WW, after a while, she found it not manly I guess, and would say so. I shot back it's your fault. I really only did it when I triggered or felt vulnerable. But, as we went on and my wife really learned how to help me, she knew this was due to triggers or a bad day. She now knows how to respond and help. Have you discussed this with your WH?

Now, as we move further into R, my WW is now doing the same. Asking if I ever feel like getting revenge. I know how to respond and help. Not robotically, but because I want to and I love her.

As a man, I love the extra attention and the emotional connection that comes with it. If your WH takes advantage of the opportunity and really communicates with you about his feelings, you can become closer than you ever thought possible, I believe.

And besides, he is your husband, you should be able to talk, touch, act and feel any way you want to and he supports you no matter what!

Posts: 166 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Ohio

Jovie♀ 41956Member # 41956

Posted: 11:47 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014

I think you just need to discuss it to see how he feels about it.

I personally love that my BS has been showing more interest in being with me and being intimate with me, because that was one of our issues from before the A.

Me - WW, 33
Him - BH, 37
Dday - 12/16/13
TT - 12/15/14

Posts: 330 | Registered: Jan 2014

phoenixrise♀ 41745Member # 41745

Posted: 1:00 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014

Sorry for way delayed response...I asked him about it he said "a little" then changed it to "well...no" I backed off weeks ago I really do think its a confidence issue with me that I dont blame myself for at all. Since I made an effort to back off..I didn't tell him I was going to...he now comes to me for affection. ..I guess I just had to get over my lack of confidence on my own...things are alot better now all the way around this was just a little piece of the puzzle im sure I was self examining myself way too much as WS tend to bring that out in us...a little too self conscious of my actions maybe

"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs M...wow to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul