Remember – this is an extremely delicate situation and you are walking a very fine line. Handle it right and you will perhaps be able to get this person to confide in you.

However – say the wrong things, which is easy to do, and you risk them slamming the door and you could be seen as a threat and permanently excluded from further discussion.

When Trying to Stop Anorexia – The Seven Things NEVER to Say

Here are the seven things you must never say to someone with anorexia:

1. Never make a comment on his or her appearance. Neither congratulate her on her weight loss.

Saying things like “That’s amazing – how did you manage to loose so much weight?” Making this sort of observation only draws attention to their physical results from their eating disorder and offers praise for their rapid weight loss.

2. Don’t ask how much weight they have lost or make any comment about their current size or weight. Never ask their current weight or how much weight they have lost.

Doing that will simply draw attention to the fact that their decreasing size is noticeable and may have the effect of triggering further and greater interest in losing more weight.

3. It’s important never to talk about anything to do with weight loss. Never discuss techniques for losing weight or anything to do with diets or diet plans.

This will only have the effect of reinforcing eating disorders and weight loss behavior in the mind of the anorexic.

4. Never say anything like “Why not eat a normal meal because it would be so much better for you.”

Saying anything like that makes the person suffering from an eating disorder realize that you have absolutely no idea what she is thinking, or how she is suffering. Hearing something like that will cause the anorexic to try to put distance between themselves and you.

It is important to bear in mind that this disorder is not really about food – it is all about that person’s underlying psychological condition.

5. Never mention the person’s former weight or talk about how they used to look – particularly with reference to their appearance today, which will probably be received in a completely negative way.

When you make weight comparisons and comments – even in a kindly way – that she looked much healthier last year, this will almost unbelieveably be interpreted as a positive sign by the anorexic person.

She will hear something completely different.

In her mind she will equate “healthier” with “fatter” and “unhealthy” with “thinner”.

It’s a distortion – but that is how she will see it. So avoiding any sort of weight or appearance comparisons is really important.

6. Because people do not simply decide to become anorexic overnight – it is important not to attach any blame to their current eating disorder issues.

Attaching blame by asking:

“How on earth did you let this happen?”
“Why have you started to do this?”
“This is absolutely your fault.”
- or words to that effect – will be unhelpful and will create distance between yourself and the sufferer you want to help.

7. Do not share your thoughts and opinions unless you are specifically asked for them.

Instead work on becoming a good listener with as much empathy as possible. This is a golden opportunity for you to develop your support skills and this will be a key factor in trying to stop anorexia for your relative or friend.

Positive Action You CAN Take to Stop Anorexia

On a positive note – you might try to encourage your anorexic friend or relative to seek help. But you’ll have to get your timing right.

There is a lot of help and guidance available and a good place to start understanding this condition (and how you can help) can be found here > > > First Moves to Stop Anorexia

But you have to go carefully. It’s no good trying to force anyone into treatment or you will have the opposite effect.

It’s possible that your friend or relative may not be ready to seek help and you will just have to bide your time.

If you offer your support and you empathize well and show your unconditional love you will be able to slowly introduce the idea that some help is available.