Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

DREAMS!!!!!! May trigger

So last night in the middle of my sleep time I dreamt of a twister. For the longest time I have always felt fear when seeing a twister. I have always felt great anxiety after having one of my dreams about a twister. So to wake up and understand this one particular dream was a total freak out and cry moment. Even though I didn't cry. I journaled it. So if you want to understand the next two dreams please go read the first one in my journal. These next two will be placed there as well. I had to share though with everyone because I feel as though someone here is not understanding the true affects of child sexual abuse.....

So the second dream is.....

All around me there are twisters. They are coming from every direction. I have no idea how to get rid of them or to get a way from them. Then this one lone one is standing challenging the rest of them. This one I have seen before. This one I have felt before. This one I have been on the inside before and seen the beauty up close of such natural diseasters (sp?). This oh familiar twister beckons me to come to stand with it once again. I feel drawn to this one twister. This one that I call Papa. I run to Papa and he runs to me. We hug in a gaint embrace as all the others try to take me once again. I am told to go and hide. Hide somewhere safe because it's going to get messy. I don't understand what papa is saying so I run. I run as far as I can untill I can't go anymore. Then I turn and there is this house. It's so pretty. It looks to be three floors tall. It's beautifully decorated on the inside. Its so perfect. I can't dream to go in there can I? I find drawn to this house. Like this house is saying come here child I will protect you. Just like Papa has always said. I go to this house. I walk through this house. The beauty that I see on the outside is not what I see on the inside. I start at the very top of this house. This house needs some work and I feel only I can change this house. I am on the top floors of this house. I start to clean them up. I start to really search them over. As I am cleaning I am searching for answers. I hear something in the distance, I can't figure out what it is. It sounds like a child crying. Yet it sounds like a distance howl. All of a sudden Papa raises the roof of the house and told me to take cover that he will protect me. I run to basement. It's so beautiful there. I start looking through it to see what this house holds. There are pictures here. Pictures that tells me once there was a family that was happy that lived here. That there was this little girl that was somewhere. The cries from this child are faint now. I can sense the panick in her cry. It panicks me to know there is someone in danger and I can't get to them fast enough. Papa tells me for now I can go back to cleaning the house. That things are okay. I go to the second floor and there is a little more beauty there. But it still needs alot of work. The memories that fills this floor seems to be in the distances of my mind. Ones that I cannot remember but yet know they are there. I start ripping off wallpaper that is crackling and start really getting my hands dirty. I sand off the old pink paint in one of the rooms. It looks like to be a toddlers room. I sit there and look, the bed is unmade, toys are all over the floor, and a childs bloody nightclothes tossed haphazardly in the laundry basket. I take the dirty clothes basket from this room and the next room and go start laundry. I get the second floor done and head downstairs to the first floor. Here I feel totally unwanted. I feel the reject of the person within. I feel the pain that this house holds. But I feel a bit of hope and happiness. Papa comes through and yells to go into hiding again. That it's about to get bad again. So I head down to the basement and start cleaning up down there. I find this picture, this picture of a family and all I can do is cry. A mommy and a daddy sitting on a chair with the child on the arm of both of them. Their smiles, their eyes, they seem piercing. But I only look at them for a moment as I am drawn to the child. She can't be to much older than maybe five years old. Seems like she is hiding something that she doesn't want to share. What's this I see in this child's eye in the picture? Is it pain? Is it dispear? Is it something else that goes with her secret? What is this young girl hiding? I don't know how long I am standing there staring at this one picture but it must have been hours. I hear an all clear from papa and then race to the first floor. I go into this one room that I hadn't noticed earlier. There is so much dirt on the walls that I have no idea how many hours it will take me to clean. I start at it. As I am cleaning I start crying. I don't understand it. Why am I crying in this beautiful home? Why am I in tears in this house? What has caused me to feel such dispear and pain? I get this room as clean as I can. There still a good 1/2 inch of dirt on the walls. But I can now see the pretty blue color that lies underneath it. It's pretty...I sit there stunned..Who would put this pretty color on the walls and then allow the dirt to build up. I move out of this room and finish cleaning the next few rooms.

The Third dream:

Papa comes screaming by the house to tell me to hide. That there is a twister that is big and coming straight for the house. I run back to this basement of safety and start looking on the opposite side of the it. Over here it looks like someone is storing a bunch of memories. The type that no adult can understand. The type that seems only I can understand. One at a time I go through these boxes that were piled. Some I laugh over and some I cry over. I hear a crash over head. But the lights still stay on. I don't really jump from hearing the crash. I just breath in a shaky breathe and then continue on. There is so much pain in all these boxes. I don't get it. I don't understand where it comes from. It's like I am looking at someone else's life. There is this blue eyed blonde in pigtails dancing around the room in her Easter Dress, there is the blue eyed, blonde trying to get the dog poop off her toes and trying to get help from her daddy. There is this blue eyed, blonde that is crying out from so much pain that all I want to do is wrap her in my arms. Papa comes back and kneels beside the house. I sniffle from the memories and walk out to hug him. As I am hugging him I hear this child...I turn around softly and try to listen. I have to tell Papa to tone down his wind speed so I can hear better. He does as asked. Then I hear it so loudly. It's a child. I look up at my papa with these big blue eyes that I have, and question him with my eyes. I haven't yet seen the outside world. Something has changed. I can feel it. He tells me to look carefully around. To look for this little girl for she needs my help. I walk out side the house completely. For the first time I can see the distruction all around this one house. The house I was in didn't get destroyed. It has a little bit of damage it to it but it's still livable. All around me is water spraying up in the air, house and posessions stung all over the place. I can't believe all of this damaged was caused because Papa tried to keep me safe. I hear the little girl crying harder. I turn and standing in the third house of rubble is this beautiful blue eyed blonde little girl. I walk over to her, I hug her, and I start crying with her. I can't help but to fall in love with this one child. I ask her how she got out here and why she wasn't in a safe place. The only answer I get was I thought I was safe. I look at her and then I realize that she is the same little girl from the picture in the house. I pick her up and slowly look around me. I tell her that she is safe and that no more harm can come to her. She looks at me with questions in her eyes.

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