Waiting to Be Happy Once You’ve Achieved a Goal? 21 Ways to Feel Happier Today.

Do want to lose weight? Or find the love of your life and get married? Or maybe, you desperately want to graduate. Do you enjoy having these goals? Or, do these desires cause you pain? Many of us obsess about goals and desperately strive to achieve them, but think it’s okay to do so because we’ll get what we want later. And then, we’ll be happy. We’ll be happy once we lose those 10 pounds, get married, or graduate, right?

There are two problems with this approach:

Once we reach our goals, we’ll feel happier for a little while, but then we’ll set new goals, and go back to being unhappy until we reach those new goals.

We spend most of our time being unhappy—or at least not as happy as we could be.

I can already hear objections.

Advertising

“But I really want to lose those 10 pounds! Should I not want that?” Yes, you should. Desires urge you to expand and grow.

“But then how am I supposed to be happy since I don’t yet have what I want?”

Well, here is the truth behind goals:

We may think that our goals are to graduate, get married, get a promotion, make more money, live anywhere we want, or lose weight, but ultimately all those goals are nothing more than means to an end. We want them because we think they will make us happy; happiness is what we are really after. It’s just that some people look for happiness by losing weight, while others look for it by getting married or having kids, but in the end, everything we do is done because we think it will make us feel better.

Advertising

The problem is that in our quest to happiness, we often forget to be happy now. As we strive to achieve our goals, we postpone happiness… for later.

We somehow think that even though all we want is to be happy, it’s ok not to be happy now, yet, happiness is a feeling.

Why not feel good now as we go after our goals and also feel good later, when we achieve our goal? Why not do both?

Advertising

Today I have a simple trick for you to get happier. You can apply it right away, and you don’t need to wait until you graduate or find the love of your life to feel that happiness boost. What is it?

It’s kindness.

Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside, has studied happiness for more than 20 years. She has found that being kind is a habit that consistently makes people happier. Her research found that performing acts of kindness once a week leads to the most happiness. So, why not take advantage of today to get that happiness boost? Choose 5 happiness acts from below and start giving generously!

21 ways to practice kindness today and instantly feel happier!

Open the door for someone else.

Say “thank you”.

Pay a compliment.

Smile.

Refrain from judging others. Focus on their positive side.

Stop judging yourself and allow yourself to be as you are.

Be encouraging to others.

Allow yourself to dream BIG.

Say “good morning” to someone you don’t know.

Babysit for an hour.

Give away something that you could live without.

Let a fellow driver drive pass you.

When someone talks to you, listen. Don’t distract yourself with a million thoughts and focus your mind on the other person.

3. Realize Loneliness Helps You Face the Truth

Being in the constant company of others, although comforting sometimes, can often serve as a distraction when we need to face the reality of a situation.

Solitude cuts straight to the chase and forces you to deal with the problem at hand. See it as a blessing that can serve as a catalyst to set things right!

4. Be Aware That You Have More Control Than You Think

Typically, when we see ourselves as being lost or lonely, it gives us an excuse to view everything we come in contact with in a negative light. It lends itself to putting ourselves in the victim mode, when the truth of the matter is that you choose your attitude in every situation.

No one can force a feeling upon you! It is YOU who has the ultimate say as to how you choose to react.

5. Embrace the Freedom That the Feeling of Being Alone Can Offer

Instead of wallowing in self pity, which many are prone to do because of loneliness, try looking at your circumstance as a new-found freedom.

Advertising

Most people are in constant need of approval of their viewpoints. Try enjoying the fact that you don’t need everyone you care about to support your decisions.

6. Acknowledge the Person You Are Now

Perhaps you feel a sense of loneliness and confusion because your life circumstances have taken you away from the persona that others know to be you.

Perhaps the new you differs radically from the old. Realize that life is about change and how we react to that change. It’s okay that you’re not who you used to be.

7. Keep Striving to Do Your Best

Often those who are feeling isolated and unto themselves will develop a defeatist attitude. They’ll do substandard work because their self esteem is low and they don’t care.

Never let this feeling take away your sense of worth! Do your best always and when you come through this dark time, others will admire how you stayed determined in spite of the obstacles you had to overcome.

8. Don’t Forget That Time Is Precious

When we’re lost in a sea of loneliness and depression, it’s all too easy to reflect on regrets of past life events. This does nothing but feed negativity and perpetuate the situation.

Advertising

Instead of falling prey to this common pitfall, put one foot in front of the other and acknowledge every positive step you take. By doing this, you can celebrate the struggles you overcome at the end of the day.

9. Remember, Things Happen for a Reason

Every circumstance we encounter in our life is designed to teach us and that lesson is in turn passed on to others.

Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to figure out the lesson to be learned, while other times, we simply need to have faith that if the lesson wasn’t meant directly for us to learn from, how we handled it was observed by someone who needed to learn.

Your solitude and feeling of lost, in this instance, although painful possibly, may be teaching someone else.

10. Journal During This Time

Record your thoughts when you’re at the height of loneliness and feeling lost. You’ll be amazed when you reflect back at how you viewed things at the time and how far you’ve come later.

This time (if recorded) can give you a keen insight into who you are and what makes you feel the way you feel.

11. Remember You Aren’t the First to Feel This Way

It’s quite common to feel as if we’re alone and no one else has ever felt this way before. We think this because at the time of our distress, we’re silently observing others around us who are seemingly fine in every way.

The truth is, we can’t possibly know the struggles of those around us unless they elect to share them. We ALL have known this pain!

Advertising

Try confiding in someone you trust and ask them how they deal with these feelings when they experienced it. You may be surprised at what you learn.

12. Ask for Help If the Problem Persists

The feeling of being lost and lonely is common to everyone, but typically it will last for a relatively short period of time.

Most people will confess to, at one time or another, being in a “funk.” But if the problem persists longer than you feel it should, don’t ignore it.

When your ability to reason and consider things rationally becomes impaired, do not poo poo the problem away and think it isn’t worthy of attention. Seek medical help.

Final Thoughts

Loneliness and a sense of feeling lost can in many ways be extremely painful and difficult to deal with at best. However, these feelings can also serve as a catalyst for change in our lives if we acknowledge them and act.

Above anything, cherish your mental well being and don’t underestimate its worth. Seek professional guidance if you’re unable to distinguish between a sense of freedom for yourself and a sense of despair.