4/04/2017

On Gorsuch, Republicans Are More Full of Shit Than Usual

Every time I read something that a Republican senator says about the potential filibuster of the Supreme Court nomination of Neil Gorsuch, it's not just that my eyes roll so hard that I see my own brainpan. It's not just that I wanna sputter, "Merrick Garland, you mother, motherfuckers. Merrick goddamn Garland." It's not even that I clench my fist and say, "Fuck, yeah, that's some fuckin' balls at last, Democrats."

Sure, all that is there, but what really gets me about the unmitigated hypocrisy of Republicans like Lindsey "Merrick Garland is 'a well-qualified man'" Graham is that they are cocksuckers and refuse to simply admit they're cocksuckers. Oh, yeah, they know they're cocksuckers. They know that, given the opportunity, they will be cocksuckers, and, in fact, are going to suck some cock right now. But they will not just confess, "You know what? You're right. We are such cocksuckers. We shit all over the Supreme Court process and now we're gonna say you're assholes for doing something not nearly as bad. Deal with it."

Because, see, the Senate GOP can pretend that they wouldn't suck the cock of the nuclear option on the filibuster if only Democrats would let Gorsuch through. But that's a lie. The second that one of the liberal justices retires or expires and they have an opportunity to change the entire dynamic of the Supreme Court, they will grab that cock and suck it like they're gut vacuums at the mortuary. So just stop fucking pretending here.

Stop pretending that the Garland fuckery didn't happen or that somehow that was a noble fight because of the bullshit "election year" excuse. Stop pretending that you wouldn't have done everything short of barricading the door to stop Hillary Clinton from making a Supreme Court appointment. In fact, with a Republican majority and Hillary hatred in full swing, you bastards would have made confirming her cabinet and other appointments into a goddamned nightmare. So stop pretending that all of sudden all of the obstruction would have magically gone away.

But most importantly, stop pretending that you're honorable public servants. You're not. You're just cocksuckers, like every other cocksucker, except with scabbier knees.

(Regarding "cocksuckers": Yes, dear, sweet, kind suckers of cock of all sexes, genders, and political persuasions, fellatio is, indeed, a wonderful gift, and someone who enthusiastically gobbles a knob is not to be condemned at all. It is to be celebrated in both the giving and receiving. However, words have multiple meanings. If you call someone an "asshole," no one is gonna say, "How can you use a valuable orifice for putting things in and pushing stuff out as an insult?" And that's because everyone knows that "asshole" connotes something other than a shit chute when used to describe, say, Reince Priebus; although, to be fair, he is a shit chute, too. So let's just apply the same semantic pass to "cocksucker" and, if you can't, well, pat yourself on the back for your purity and find another blog.)