I’m Here Still

What was that? Yeah Matt, what the fcuk was that? You had like two keyboards on stage. And you kept touching them, but you weren’t really playing them, even though music was being played from them. One time you touched one for a second, and then moved over to the other one and touched that for a second, and then went right back to the first one and touched that for a second, and then back to the second one for a second. Who’s on first? More like who’s on würst!!! Well, it wasn’t the würst, but we don’t know what you were doing Matt!!

Sure, your music can sometimes be super dense and moody boos, and REALLY hard to listen to, but you are also capable of producing wonderful sounds, that ooze with breazy fluidity and peppy happiness and playful playfullness that is so full and rich and rich of fullness. Tonight you leaned toward the former, and it was strange. You didn’t engage your audience, but maybe you meant to do that. But whatever it was, it was strange, but your hair looked awesome. It always does. But seriously, what kind of performance was this? You were like karaokeing to your own music, if it were microwaved in an 8-bit bowl of sonic vomitace. What was that all that?

We always thought you were better off without your sister (who was in the audience), even though we love her and you, and your sibling riving-rule-ing. Yer first solo album (the Winter Woman half) was brilliaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant. Easily one of my moist flavorite albums of the 2000s. Never got to hear it live. Then you released EIGHT solo albums last year. Only heard one of them, cause we don’t own a record player. You have a new album. It has no words, and I’ve only listened to it twice, but I looooves it already. Are you exhausted? You probably are. It’s OK. We all need rest, even when there’s no time for rest. But what was that show all about Matt? We want to know cause we care, cause we love you and we want you to succeed. Is this how you succeed in the music bidness, by not really trying? I don’t know, maybe it is, but keep on keeping on, and pleeeease, one day I’d love to hear you play Winter Woman from start to finish, or even from start to infinity. Then I won’t have to ask questions. I’ll just say statements like ‘THAT SH!T FCUKING ROCKEXXEEEDDDD, YO!!!!!!!!!!!!’

Shirts by My Man Marvkus

Advertisement

Kingsman: The Secret Service Posh Spicy Official Website | Trailers & Mo R | 128 min My litmus test of dumb-fun movies goes like this – is the movie in question as dumb and as fun as the amazingly dumb-fun Charlie’s Angels 2: Full Throttle is/was? Last up for the test – Lucy, which passed with flying colors, […]

Selma (Mostly) Down With The King Official Website | Trailers & Mo PG-13 | 127 min How has there never been a full length feature film made about Martin Luther King Jr, before Ava DuVernay‘s Selma marched onto the scene???? HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW???? I know Spike Lee wanted to make one, and I’m sure Spielberg did too, and anyone else who […]

Big Eyes Pretty (Brutal) As A Picture Official Website | Trailers & Mo PG-13 | 106 min Margaret Keane made some pretty freaky looking art in the 60s – you know, those ones with them kids with giant scary eyes. Well, apparently during the height of the paintings’ fame and fortunes, it was her husband, Walter Keane, […]

The Search For General Tso Dish Dished! Official Website | Trailers & Mo Unrated | 71 min Finally, there’s a doc answering the question that no one was dying to know – who was General Tso, and why was a chicken dish named in his honor????? And now that I know the answers, all I want […]

Inherent Vice California Scheming Official Website | Trailers & Mo R | 148 min In a haze and in a daze, Paul Thomas Anderson‘s take on Thomas Pynchon‘s Inherent Vice is well worth toking. Why? it’s… (thankfully not the dis-Master) Lebowski-y, but smarter(!)(?) and says hello to The Long Goodbye and is as serious (and seriously silly) as […]

the year was 1984, and Tom Hanks wasn’t the Tom Hanks yet, he was 80s Tom Hanks, and he starred in a silly sassy movies like Bachelor Party Not exactly sure when or how I first saw Bachelor Party, but I’m assuming it was on HBO (endlessly), and I saw it at home at age 7 or […]

Judy Landers and Lisa Hartman attend the taping of the television special ‘The Stars Salute the U.S. Olympic Team‘ to help raise funds for the U.S. Olympic Committee and the U.S. Olympic Team on January 29, 1984 at Pasadena Civic Auditorium in Pasadena, California. photos by Ron Galella

we somehow cobbled together the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2014 and now, for the only awards that matter… hELlEVENth Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards aka THE THIGHSMANS!!! _ The Trash Humpers Biggest Piece of Humpy Trash Film of the Year!!!!! (aka – somehow a movie with a naked ScarJo ScarBLOWED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Under The Skin dishonrable […]

The Flowqueens of ’14 1) Jodorowsky’s Dune The greatest doc ever made about the greatest film never made, EVER!! So many ‘what if?‘s AND ‘what the f#$k??!!!‘s to shake your head at – 2) The Trip to Italy Lightening strikes twice as Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon take their thick shtick to Italy. Hilarity ensues at every blip on […]

you know the drill – 2014 was so 1014, and 2015 is so gonna be as awesome as 2112 will be. Anywho, The Washington Post does a list thing, and so do we, cause the lord commands it… OUT IN The Ice Bucket Challenge – The Lice Bucket Challenge – Meghan Trainor – Tranny Meagan – LARP – […]

being married kept me away from the movie theatre/theater, and more at home, glued to the good ole boob tube, and that was way OK, cause TV was pretty fraking good in 2014… 1. Married at First Sight (FYI) A reality show that made us believe in love AND reality TV again, and it all felt so real. […]

somehow I got back into (newish) music this year. I blame the Robyn Pandora station!!! they made me remember that women singers are the bestest!! annnnnnnnywho, here’s my year with music… Spotifly A$$ Al Bumz EP Ki-Yay, motherfcuker! Röyksopp & Robyn’s Do It Again – Dear Lord, What Took Us So Long To […]