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Monday, December 12, 2011

Why We Don't Eat at Luby's

After church yesterday, the kids and I got to the car before Leslie and decided to go Bush's, the local chicken joint. When Leslie got in (not knowing what we had decided) she asked, "Girls, what do you want to eat?" When the girls answered, "Bush's!", Leslie said, "No, we're not going to Bush's."
I wasn't sure what to do so I just started driving southbound on 35.
As I usually do in a moment of indecision, I made a bad decision. I said, "Hey, let's go to Luby's." Leslie said, "Okay." and the girls asked, "What's a Luby's?"

Here's a little context... We are a go out to eat after church family. Leslie and I covered it in our pre-marital counseling. We know that we're going out, we're just not always 100% sure where. 86% of the time we go to a local taqueria. My whole family can eat and I can leave Maria a 20% tip for under $25. There are chips and salsa to keep the kids occupied as soon as we sit down. Everyone likes the food. I don't know why we don't go there 100% of the time, but recently we've been trying some other options.

As we pulled into the Luby's parking lot I explained to the girls that it's a cafeteria, kind of like at school. You get a tray, tell the lady what you want, they give it to you and you take it to your table.
We got inside and there was no line. No time to check the menu or prices or plan ordering strategy. We're up to bat at the salad bar as soon as we walk through the door. I took the point followed by Georgia and Jonesy. Leslie was riding drag. Georgia requested cucumbers and oranges at the salad bar. The guy gave her a funny look, but complied with her request and we moved on down the line. She and Jonesy have trained for months in the school cafeteria for this occasion so we soon made our way efficiently to the end of the line. I looked back to see how the rest of the herd was progressing.
Annie's tray was empty and Leslie was exasperated. Annie was in a "I want to get it myself" mood and had refused to allow the Luby's servers to serve her anything. By this time the blue-haired Baptists had arrived and the line was getting long so we couldn't back up to get her any food. Annie got to the bread selections, which are self-serve, and served herself a roll. Next came the dessert selections. I told the girls they could each pick a dessert, and each of them chose a dish of strawberry shortcake.

A little more context... I love Furr's Cafeterias where you can get all-you-can-eat of all 23 food groups for one low price. I have many fond memories of Sundays after church at the Slide Rd location in Lubbock being gluttonous with my college buddies. At Furr's I used to have two or three desserts with every visit. After all, it was all-I-could-eat for one low price. Well, Luby's ain't like that.

As the checkout lady looked across our trays with a ciphering look on her face I remembered that Luby's charges for each individual item. When she told me what the damage was, I told her that I remembered why I didn't eat at Luby's. She chuckled, said, "Yeah, it is kind of high", and made me pay up.
We got a rolling high chair for Little Brother and made our way to our table and unloaded our feast. Well, most of us did. All Annie had was a roll and strawberry shortcake, but I was okay with it by that point as I thought about how much higher the bill would have been if she had gotten anything else.
About five minutes into the meal I heard Jones holler, "Annie!", and Annie say, "Uh-Oh." I looked over and found that Annie had spilled her strawberry shortcake all the way down her dress and into the floor. As I moved in for the clean-up I noticed the receipt on the table, and saw that each of the desserts cost $3.48. I rounded up and declared, "Annie, you just spilled five dollars all over the floor!"
When I got back to my seat, West was hanging his head over the side of the high chair like a -whatever the PC term for waterhead is these days- drooling okra onto the floor. I pushed his chair back from the table and cleaned it up along with the other things he had dropped. When I was done I pulled him back toward the table, forgetting that Luby's high chairs are wheeled. He was still slumped over like a retard at table level, the chair moved easier than I thought it would, and I whacked his head against the table's edge. He started hollering and I gave up. I excused myself from the table and took him outside and let my girls and all of the blue hairs finish their meals in peace.
While we waited in the car I prayed for peace and patience, and decided that next week we are going back to the taqueria!!!