I am a leadership and communications consultant and coach, as well as a professional speaker. I'm CEO of the Authentic Leadership Alliance and also Executive-in-Residence at the Center for Creative Leadership, one the world's largest independent leadership development firms. As a certified professional speaker, I speak to groups around the country about leadership, communications and managing change. I spent 23 years in Corporate America in various senior executive roles, and before that, was a broadcast reporter in Boston. Having successfully reinvented my career multiple times and busted through the proverbial glass ceiling in sports, academia and business, I've seen the good, the bad, and the ugly, and have refreshing and practical perspectives to share. I have a passion for authenticity, clarity and courage – which I believe are essential, whether someone is leading their lives or leading others. I graduated Phi Beta Kappa and top of my class at Boston College, and have completed graduate work at Harvard University and the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania.

Is Social Media Sabotaging Real Communication?

On a crisp Friday afternoon last October, Sharon Seline exchanged text messages with her daughter who was in college. They ‘chatted’ back and forth, mom asking how things were going and daughter answering with positive statements followed by emoticons showing smiles, b-i-g smiles and hearts. Happiness.

Later that night, her daughter attempted suicide.

In the days that followed, it came to light that she’d been holed up in her dorm room, crying and showing signs of depression — a completely different reality from the one that she conveyed in texts, Facebook posts and tweets.

As human beings, our only real method of connection is through authentic communication. Studies show that only 7% of communication is based on the written or verbal word. A whopping 93% is based on nonverbal body language. Indeed, it’s only when we can hear a tone of voice or look into someone’s eyes that we’re able to know when “I’m fine” doesn’t mean they’re fine at all…or when “I’m in” doesn’t mean they’re bought in at all.

Awash in technology, anyone can hide behind the text, the e-mail, the Facebook post or the tweet, projecting any image they want and creating an illusion of their choosing. They can be whoever they want to be. And without the ability to receive nonverbal cues, their audiences are none the wiser.

This presents an unprecedented paradox. With all the powerful social technologies at our fingertips, we are more connected – and potentially more disconnected – than ever before.

Every relevant metric shows that we are interacting at breakneck speed and frequency through social media. But are we really communicating? With 93% of our communication context stripped away, we are now attempting to forge relationships and make decisions based on phrases. Abbreviations. Snippets. Emoticons. Which may or may not be accurate representations of the truth.

A New Set of Communication Barriers

Social technologies have broken the barriers of space and time, enabling us to interact 24/7 with more people than ever before. But like any revolutionary concept, it has spawned a set of new barriers and threats. Is the focus now on communication quantity versus quality? Superficiality versus authenticity? In an ironic twist, social media has the potential to make us less social; a surrogate for the real thing. For it to be a truly effective communication vehicle, all parties bear a responsibility to be genuine, accurate, and not allow it to replace human contact altogether.

In the workplace, the use of electronic communication has overtaken face-to-face and voice-to-voice communication by a wide margin. This major shift has been driven by two major forces: the speed/geographic dispersion of business, and the lack of comfort with traditional interpersonal communication among a growing segment of our employee population: Gen Y and Millennials. Studies show that these generations – which will comprise more than 50% of the workforce by 2020 – would prefer to use instant messaging or other social media than stop by an office and talk with someone. This new communication preference is one of the “generational gaps” plaguing organizations as Boomers try to manage to a new set of expectations and norms in their younger employees, and vice versa.

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Aristotle was very concerned about the impact the written word would have on philosophical discourse. He reasoned that the written word would make the philosophers less incline to commit facts and lines of reasoning to memory and therefore degrade the quality of discourse in debate. Hand-wringing over technology is nothing new.

Just doesn’t seem right that the era of social media is actually collapsing communication.While I do not necessarily think social media is destroying real communication, it is definitely serving as an evolutionary point. Its informal nature is definitely hampering how we interact with one another.

Yet, I would argue this movement also brings with it a host of new opportunities — after all people are rarely without their device whether its a phone or tablet. The most progressive organizations recognize the ability to connect team members even if its informal by empowering them to engage in tech-fueled collaboration.

Using video collaboration tools like Avaya offers could be part of the answer to keeping formal communication within the fold. Face-to-face always makes a difference in how people engage. But, as you suggest it will require a concerted effort — like the six tips you provided — to make a profound difference.

Indeed, there are powerful ways to use social media very effectively — and you cited some of them. Tech-fueled collaboration, especially among far-flung teams — is a big one. But the point is that like all communications vehicles, there is no single solution, and we need need to guard against letting social media overtake personal, face-to-face communication, which is the bedrock of healthy relationships. Thanks for your comment!

Susan I am so happy that you addressed the social media / communication or lack there of. It is a subject that needs to be talked about. As a Boomer in leadership, the difference in the preferred method of communication is staggering among the work force. I have actually found some who are physically uncomfortable with sitting face to face and “looking into my eyes”, where, in the past, that was the ONLY way to speak a truth, or get something clear…and by the way, it worked! Granted that with a global economy and the way we conduct business today, social media is a must. It is just sad though, how much has been lost, perhaps never to be recovered. Great article. I look forward to your next one.

Lisa, thank you for your comment. You’re right – it’s a real dilemma in our increasingly “flattened” global workplace. There is a time, place and powerful role for social media, but how do we deal effectively with people who have grown so accustomed to communicating from behind the screen that they are physically uncomfortable with communicating face to face? As a fellow Boomer-leader, I feel your pain. Thanks for participating in the conversation!

1) Don’t cop out – it’s all about intent and how we view others in relation to us. Do we see them as getting in the way or as means to greater ends, or as human beings just like us, with valid needs and wants. Question one could consider: Is the way I communicate building trust in this relationship or is it eroding it?

2) Keep Communication Two-Way – the fallacy is that because we see it one way and say it clearly (at least in our opinion), it must then be clear to others and mean just as much. Truth is, broadcasting information is not the same as building understanding. Question one might consider: Is my communication building understanding? How do I know?

Marcelino, your comments are spot-on. Too often, we fall into the trap of forgetting that communication is a wholly relational experience. Broadcasting information is not tantamount to building understanding (let alone buy-in!). As CEO of SmartChange, no one knows this better than you. The overwhelming use of social media is adding another level of complexity to “broadcasting” — and that’s the question about whether the person (or the broadcast) are authentic to begin with. Thanks for sharing!

Yes, it is a sad fact that American culture celebrates certain stereotypes and lifestyles, causing people to try to force-fit themselves into being something they’re not. This extrinsic orientation — versus an intrinsic one where we are dialed into our own authenticity and are centered as people — wreaks havoc on the psyche and our emotional health.

All you said is true when applied to Social Network like FB or Twitter. A new frontier has opened up though since Google plus came to our laptops PC’s and phones. It is called “Hangouts” and it changes the perspective of texting and messaging through FB in a revolutionary way.

If you join a Hangout, you are interacting with a person directly, establishing an eye to eye relationship that was reserved before to close relations with the “skype” revolution.

I have had the chance of meeting some of the people I met only “virtually” before in person in what in the G+ gergo is called a HIRL (Hang Out in Real Life)

Doing that has bonded our friendship that was only limited to the video before.

This is the real change. Before, and now still, on FB you could be anything you wanted to be, nobody would have ever guessed ewho you were really.

Hangouts have opened a new window without curtains. You are who you are, and if you are willing to show your face people will interact with you because the’ll sense your genuinity.

I joined Google+ back in August and I have now over 20k followers. I may not interact actively with all of them, but I have a group of about 2/ 3 hundred that I consider close friends, something I never even though of when I spent my evenings on FB trying to understand if the messages I was getting from some of my followers were real or not