Barnyard Voltron in RTR Limited

Before I get into what I did yesterday, here are some sample quotes about my deck from my opponents: “Yeah, I guess that’s a card.” “Really?” “Oh God, this is embarrassing.” And here are my two defining quotes: “I am pretty sure that I built this wrong, but I don’t care.” “If you cant crush dreams with good cards, destroy them with bad cards.”

Now, it’s story time. I worked from 12-8 on Friday, came home, changed, threw some stuff in my bag, and was dropped off at the local gaming store by 9:00. We jumped in the car and headed south to Austin. We got there, and realized that everything was fully booked AND was obscenely expensive due to the F1 circuit opening there this weekend. We (4 grown men) slept in the car (an old sedan) in front of Pat’s Games’ parking lot. We woke up bright and early due mainly to the fact that it was approx 32 degrees and we were all incredibly uncomfortable. We headed over to the tournament venue, since the tournament is too big for Pat to host in her actual building.

That morning, we were all out of it after a pretty poor night’s sleep. My back was all wonky and I spent a good portion of yesterday cracking it and trying to work the knot out of it. Fast-forward an hour or so, and the tournament begins. Since this is a Competitive level limited event, we do not get to play the cards we open, instead, you register what you open, and pass the product.

So yeah. That build was hard. I had like 60% of 3 different decks, and since I was not happy playing decks with only 18 actual playable cards, and after trying out 4 different iterations of the deck (Grixis Aggro became Jund, then became Junk tokens, then became Barnyard Voltron) I settled on playing derp creatures and putting suits on them. As I was sitting there, holding my head in my hands, I had to ask myself “How much derp do I want in this deck?” I eventually settled on only one maindeck derp creature, so that I could get a feel of their deck before really going all-in on Derp Owl and Kitty beat-down. Maybe that was wrong, I don’t know. I boarded out my double color spells to make my mana better games 2 and three.

The deck was so bad that I felt bad every time that I played a spell, but when your deck can actually do nothing for 5 turns, then stabilize behind a 2/2 and some enchantments after your opponent taps out… That’s some real power there… And then post board you have the awesome draws of Kitty or Derp Owl into a turn 2 Pursuit of Flight, and you’re off to the races. </sarcasm>

My overall record yesterday was 6-2, and every opponent that I beat immediately dropped. One signed the drop slip “Meow” after laughing as I beat him down with stupid crap. I apologized to every opponent that I beat, shook their hands, and walked away with a slip, often signed 2-0.

The two decks that I lost to had real cards. One had 2 Skymark Rocs, and a pile of removal and the other had Jace + Mizzium Mortars, and a pile of removal.

The games I won consisted of jamming dorks into their face until they died from it. The MVPs over the course of the day were Knightly Valor, Pursuit of Flight, Skyline Predator, and Tenement Crasher. I think that the Crasher is better than Isperia’s Skywatch, but I wanted the Detain for getting in the final bits of damage. Teleportal and Righteous authority both won me 2 games. Dispel is also really good when you need to jam an enchantment into their open mana.