The short answer to that question is, “No, it does not, at least not the unimaginable kind.” That being said, like most things in life, grief presents itself in degrees. The percentage reached is dependent on the physical who, what, when, where and why of each grief driven event.

If the experience is imaginable the peak might be high initially, but the mind quickly takes charge and forces the grief driven pain into manageable levels. However, when the event is unimaginable, the multifaceted response to that event goes off the charts and in doing so, makes it difficult to predict and by default control.

When Kalei was first killed, I dove headfirst into the world of grief. For years I made no effort to escape from its clutches. While grief did not have a consistent monopoly over my life, on far too many days I reached the 100% unspeakable pain level where nothing else mattered except the agony I was in. It was not until I gained the mental, emotional and spiritual knowledge needed to understand my child’s death, that I was able to consciously and consistently bring that percentage down. The old adage, knowledge is power, applies to the grieving world as well.

That kind of learning took a long time. It was not until my heart and soul, as well as my mind, reached a certain level of familiarity with grief that I was able to recognize the need to make a decision — live the rest of my life beaten down by Kalei’s death, or wrap my arms around my sorrow and build a new life around it.

The death of my child is part of me now. I also know how to live with that fact. That is not to say that on some nondescript Tuesday I don’t feel what I call a grief pain echo from days gone by, because I do, however it does not have the same kind of power to influence my life that it used to have.

I do not want people to look at my new world as anything more than it is, my life, plain and simple. Yes, sorrow is an ongoing part of it, but just like everyone else, I have the right to carry my own personal life events forward into the future. That very human ability is what makes me unique; it is what makes everyone unique for those experiences make up the sum of who we are and how we live our lives. Quite simply put, they are us.

I see no sense in trying to force an artificial ending onto one of the most significant, earth shattering and evolutionary influences in my life. It beats me why anyone would even want to try.