Friday, September 7, 2012

Quick Fix for Global Warming #1 - Blank White Canvas

Surprise! There's more bad news on the Global Warming front.

I know: Global Warming. That's so, like, Al Gore, 2004. Nobody cares about that anymore. In any event, this summer the Arctic Ocean ice cover reached its lowest level since they started watching it with satellites over 30 years ago. It's less than half as much ice cover, and about a quarter as thick as it used to be. It'll be totally gone by 2030, or sooner.

Why is this a problem? Apparently, the whiteness of the sea ice reflects heat from the sun back into outer space, where it melts the blast shields on passing alien star cruisers. This is a good thing.

But when the sea ice is gone, the dark water absorbs more heat, which intensifies and accelerates the whole warming process. This makes climate scientists nervous because they don't believe in God, and are afraid of dying.

Now, I've spent some time mulling this over, and I think I've hit upon a relatively easy, low-tech solution to the Arctic Ice dilemma. Blank white canvas. See? You probably already get where I'm going with this. The most elegant solutions are often like that - they're self-explanatory.

In case you don't get it, what I'm saying is let's just make a gigantic white canvas, and stretch it over the entire, what used to be ice-covered, surface of the Arctic.

I know what you're thinking. What about price? Well, you can get a 5 foot by 3 foot canvas tarp online for about $6. So that's 15 square feet right there. The Arctic Ocean is about 5,400,000 square miles. You'll have to finish the math on that one.

Listen, pass this beauty on. Let's get it to Obama. And don't worry about copyright or anything like that. I don't feel like I need to take the credit for it. I'm just glad to have a hand in saving the human race.