Even Half Moons Won't Be Welcome At Halftime

COLUMN WORLD

Count on Citrus Bowl officials to be holding their collective breath Monday when the game's halftime show begins.

They'll be keeping a close eye on a ragtag assortment of free-spirited musicians who represent, nominally at least, the University of Virginia.

The Citrus Bowl guys in the green sport jackets have let it be known that they won't put up with any nonsense.

''We are comforted by their assurances that they won't be offensive,'' said Citrus Bowl honcho Dylan Thomas. ''Believe me, if they ad-lib out there, they'll have hell to pay.''

Said John Pohl, the halftime show's producer: ''I have already told them, 'Don't start acting like a bunch of ruggers out there and moon the crowd.' ''

Moon the crowd? The visiting Virginians wouldn't think of such a thing. Would they?

''We've been accused of mooning the crowd before,'' says David Black. ''But in our defense, I would just like to point out that it wasn't actually a full moon. We all dropped our pants, sure. And we pointed our butts at the opposing side. But we were all wearing long, brightly colored boxer shorts. It wasn't that offensive.''

Black is a junior at Virginia, majoring in rhetoric and communications. He also is the director of the group known officially as The Award-Winning Virginia Fighting Cavaliers Indoor-Outdoor Precision (?) Marching Pep Band and Chowder Society Revue, Unlimited!!!

''Make sure you get the question mark and those three exclamation points in there,'' said Black. ''They are important.''

Got 'em. But, if it's all the same, we'll just refer to it as the Virginia Pep Band. And in case you haven't figured it out, it's a band altogether unlike any other band that has ever appeared at the Citrus Bowl.

Like most other U.S. colleges and universities, Virginia's Citrus Bowl opponent, the University of Illinois, will be represented by a traditional marching band. Its contingent of more than 300 members will blanket the field in their identical, spiffy uniforms.

But Black and his cohorts - 140 strong - don't wear uniforms, per se.

''We all try to wear white pants and blue shirts and orange vests,'' Black said. ''But everyone wears a different kind of weird hat and a different kind of tie. And buttons. Band members are encouraged to cover themselves with buttons of all kinds.''

Unlike any other college band in the country, the Virginia Pep Band is not affiliated with the university's music department. It does not have a faculty advisor. It is a completely autonomous, student-run organization. And, as far as technique goes, it is what's known as a ''scramble'' band.

''We generally refuse to march,'' said Black. ''Instead, we scramble all over the field spelling out words and playing jokes.''

It's the jokes that have the Citrus Bowl folks not knowing quite what to expect.

Other scramble bands have been banned from performing at games. And members of the most notorious scramble band at Stanford University in California once dropped their drawers and urinated in unison on the field - an amazing precision act, but unseemly nonetheless.

As for Virginia, there was the Peach Bowl in 1984.

When the Virginia Pep Band took the field, it announced it would perform a special tribute to ABC, which was televising the game. Then band members played the theme music for CBS.

And then there was the special ''tribute'' to South Carolina. The pep band formed the letters ''F'' and ''Y,'' standing for a well-known, two-word obscenity.

''We just didn't have enough members to spell out the whole words,'' said Black.

As for their plans for Monday, Black said band members have another one of their patented ''tributes'' planned.

''It will be a tribute to the '80s,'' he said. ''And since most of the '80s seemed to be spent paying tribute to the '60s, we intend to form the world's largest marching bell-bottom trouser.

''Since the '90s will be spent paying tribute to the '70s, we intend to play our version of Barry Manilow's 'At the Copacabana.' We also intend to form the world's largest marching compact disc and perform 'Auld Lang Syne.' ''