Way back in the day, when I was a college student and dinosaurs roamed the earth, I "borrowed" one of those yellow, flashing construction lights from in front of my apartment.

It was all good times and high-fives 'til I realized those lights are darkness-activated. In other words, it was hard to sleep with a construction light blinking nonstop in my room. It wasn't long before I returned it to the site from which I "borrowed" it.

The only reason I bring this up is because I just stumbled upon the battery-powered LumiGram luminous pillowcase. At first, I thought it was awesome, because it combines two of my favorite things: shiny objects and nap time.

But then, I realized that "dazzling luminous" light getting all up in my face would not be conducive to me getting my ZZZs on. Plus, drooling on the pillow, as I often do while sleeping, could potentially damage the light show.

Sure, it has an on/off switch. But it also costs $332 (250 euros), and I am cheap. So here's the deal: you go buy it, and I'll hang out at your house and stare at it with you. Then, when I am tired, I will go home and sleep on my nonilluminated pillow. A win-win!

Note: Yes, I realize these pillows are only for decoration. But I don't use products only for their intended purpose, which is why my mom is still mad at me for using her fancy decorative soaps to clean up after baseball practice in 5th grade.