The Vampire Diaries (TV series)

The Vampire Diaries (2009–present) is an American TV series, based on a novel series written by L. J. Smith, about a young heroine who is the object of passion for two vampire brothers—one good, one evil—who are at war for her heart and for the souls of her friends, family and all the residents of the small town of Mystic Falls, Virginia.

Elena: People are going to stop giving you breaks, Jeremy. They just don't care any more. They don't remember that our parents are dead; they have their own lives to deal with. The rest of the world has moved on. You should try, too.

Jeremy: I've seen you in the cemetery writing in your diary. Is that... is that supposed to be you moving on?

Caroline: His name is Stefan Salvatore. He lives with his uncle up at the old Salvatore boarding house. He hasn't lived here since he was a kid. Military family, so they moved around a lot. He's a Gemini and his favorite color is blue.

Bonnie: You got all that in one day?

Caroline: Please. I got all that between third and fourth period. We're planning a June wedding.

Stefan: I know it's late, but I needed to know if you're okay.

Elena: You know, for months, that's all everyone's wondered about me, if I'll be OK.

Stefan: What do you tell them?

Elena: That I'll be fine.

Stefan: Do you ever mean it?

Elena: Ask me tomorrow. (Stefan stares at her) It's warmer in the house, we can talk. Would you like to come in?

Stefan: (smiles) Yes.

Zach: You promised. (shows him the newspaper with the news of the attack)

Stefan: This was an animal attack.

Zach: Don't give me that. I know the game - you tear them up enough and they always suspect an animal attack. You said you had it under control.

Stefan: And I do.

Zach: Please, Uncle Stefan. Mystic Falls is a different place now. It's been quiet for years, but there are people who still remember. And you being here, it's just going to stir things up.

Stefan: It's not my intention.

Zach: Then what is? Why did you come back after all this time? Why now?

Stefan: I don't have to explain myself.

Zach: I know that you can't change who you are, but you don't belong here anymore.

Stefan: Where do I belong?

Zach: I can't tell you what to do. But coming back here was a mistake.

Damon: Your hair's different; I like it.

Stefan: It's been 15 years, Damon.

Damon: Thank God! Couldn't take another day of the 90's. That horrible grunge look did not suit you. Remember Stefan, it's important to stay away from fads.

Stefan: What are you doing here?

Damon: I missed my little brother.

Stefan: You hate small towns; they're boring, there's nothing for you to do.

Damon: I've been keeping myself busy.

Stefan: You left that girl alive tonight. That was very careless of you.

Damon: Yeah, that could be a problem... for you.

Damon: Is it working? Being in her world? Does it make you feel alive?

Damon: I was impressed. I'll give it a six. Missing style, but I was pleasantly surprised. Very good with the whole face thing, it was good.

Stefan: It's all fun and games, huh, Damon? But wherever you go, people die.

Damon: That's a given.

Stefan: Not here, I won't allow it.

Damon: I take that as an invitation.

Stefan: Damon, please, after all these years, can't we just give it a rest?

Damon: I promised you an eternity of misery, so I'm just keeping my word.

Stefan: Stay away from Elena.

Damon: I take that as an invitation.

Stefan's journal:

I shouldn't have come home. I know the risk. But I had no choice. I have to know her.

I lost control today. Everything I've kept buried inside came rushing to the surface. I'm simply not able to resist her.

I had a plan. I wanted to change who I was, create a life as someone new, someone without the past. Someone alive.

They follow you. You can't escape them - as much as you want to.

Elena's diary:

Dear Diary, Today will be different. It has to be. I will smile, and it will be believable. My smile will say, "I'm fine, thank you. Yes, I feel much better." I will no longer be the sad little girl that lost her parents. I will start fresh, be someone new. It's the only way I'll make it through.

Dear Diary, I made it through the day. I must have said "I'm fine, thanks" at least 37 times. And I didn't mean it once. But no one noticed. When someone asks "How are you?", they really don't want an answer.

Dear Diary, I couldn't have been more wrong. I thought that I could smile and nod my way through it, pretend like it would all be okay.

Without the pain. Someone alive. But it's not that easy. Bad things stay with you.

All you can do is be ready for the good, so when it comes, you invite it in. Because you need it. I need it.

Bonnie: I was talking to Gram, and she said that the comet is a sign of impending doom. The last time it pasted over Mystic Falls there was lots of death, so much blood and carnage it created a bed of paranormal activity.

Caroline: Yeah, then you poured Grams another shot and she told you about the aliens.

Elena: We never got to the texting part.

Bonnie That's an important part in any relationship.

Jenna: Eat anyway. It's a ruse. I wanna talk.

Damon: Were you successful? Did the powers of persuasion work? Remember if you don’t feed properly, none of those little tricks work right.

Stefan: How long was Elena here?

Damon: Are you worried, Stefan? Scared we may be doomed to repeat the past? Isn’t that why you play your little game ‘I’m a high school human’?

Stefan: I’m not playing any game.

Damon: Of course you are. We both know the closest you’ll ever get to humanity is when you rip it open and feed on it.

Damon:You must be Elena?I'm Damon Stefan's borther.

Elena:He didn't tell me he had a brother.

Damon:Stefan's not the one to brag.Please , come.I'm shore Stefan will be along in second.

Elena: He (Damon) told me about your ex, Katherine?

Stefan: What did he say?

Elena: She broke your heart.

Stefan: It was a long time ago.

Elena: When you lose someone, it stays with you. Always reminding you of how easy it is to get hurt.

Stefan: Elena…

Elena : It's okay, Stefan. I get it. You have no idea how much I get it. Complicated brother? Check. Complicated Ex? Check. Too complicated to even contemplate dating? Double check. It's okay. We met and we talked and it was epic, but then the sun came up and reality set in.

Vicki: I know you.

Damon: Well, that's unfortunate.

Damon: You have two choices. You can feed and make her forget. Or you can let her run screaming vampire through the town square.

Stefan: That's what this is about? You wanna expose me?

Damon: No! I want you to remember who you are!

Stefan: Why? So what, so I'll feed, so I'll kill, so I'll remember what it's like to be brothers again? You know what, let her go. Let her tell everyone that vampires have returned to Mystic Falls, let them chain me up and let them drive a stake through my heart, 'cause then at least I'll be free of you.

Damon: It's good to be home. I think I might stay awhile, this town could use a bit of a wake up call, don't you think?

Stefan: What are you up to, Damon?

Damon: That's for me to know and to you to... dot, dot, dot.

Elena: So the thing is, I got home tonight planning on doing what I always do. Write in my diary, like I have been since my mother gave me one when I was 10. It's where I get everything out and it all goes in this one little book, that I hide on the 2nd shelf behind this really hideous ceramic mermaid. But then I realized I would just be writing things I should probably be talking about.

Stefan: What would you write?

Elena: I would write, Dear Diary, Today I convinced myself it's okay to give up. Don't take risks. Stick with the status quo, no drama. Now just isn't the time. But my reasons aren't reasons they're excuses. All I'm doing is hiding from the truth and the truth is, I'm scared Stefan. I'm scared that if I let myself be happy for one moment, that the my worlds going to come crashing down and I don't know if I'll be able to survive that.

Stefan: Do you want to know what I would write? I met a girl, we talked and it was epic. Then the sun came up and reality set in. Well, this is reality... right here.

Damon: You know, you don't-- you don't seem like the 'cheerleader type', Elena.

Caroline: Oh, it's just 'cause her parents died. Yeah, I mean, she's just totally going through a 'blah' phase. (chuckling to herself) She used to be way more fun... And...I say that with complete sensitivity.

Damon: I'm sorry, Elena. I know what it's like to lose both your parents. In fact, Stefan and I have watched almost every single person we've ever cared about die.

Stefan: We don't need to get into that right now, Damon.

Damon: Ah, you know what? You're right, Stef. I'm sorry, I-- the last thing I wanted to do was bring her up...

Damon: (holds up an empty glass)One more.

Elena: Oh, thank you. (gasps when she accidentally drops the glass)

Damon: (miraculously catches the glass before it hits the floor; presents it to Elena)

Elena: (laughs) Nice save.

Damon: I like you - you know how to laugh. And you make Stefan smile, which is something I haven't seen in a very long time.

Elena: Earlier, did you mean...Katherine?

Damon: Mm-hmm.

Elena: How did she die?

Damon: In a fire - a tragic fire.

Elena: Recently?

Damon: It seems like it was yesterday.

Elena: What was she like?

Damon: She was beautiful - a lot like you in that department. She was also very complicated, and selfish, and at times not very kind, but very sexy and seductive.

Elena: (sighs) I used to love it. It was fun. Things are different this year - everything that used to matter doesn't anymore.

Damon: So don't let it. Quit, move on. Problem solved. Ta-da...

Elena: (chuckles) Some things could matter again.

Damon: Maybe. But...seems a little unrealistic to me.

(brief pause)

Elena: I'm sorry.

Damon: (looks confused)

Elena: About Katherine. You lost her, too.

(for once, Damon is speechless)

Stefan: They are people, Damon. She's not a puppet - she doesn't exist for your amusement; for you to feed on whenever you want to.

Damon: Sure she does. They all do. They're whatever I want them to be. They're mine for the taking.

Stefan: All right, you've had your fun. You used Caroline, you got to me and Elena. Good for you. Now it's time for you to go.

Damon: That's not a problem. Because...I've been invited in. And I'll come back tomorrow night, and the following night, and I'll do, with your little cheerleader, whatever I want to do. Because that is what is normal to me.

Damon:I get to you.You find yourself druant to me.You think about me when you don't want to think about me.I bet you even dreamed about me.And right now you wanna kiss me.

Elena(slaps him):What a hell?I don't know what kind of game you're trying to play with Stefan here , but I don't want to be part of it.And I don't know what happened in the past , but let's get one thing straight - I am not Katherine!

Damon: Nice trick with Elena. Let me guess, vervain in the necklace? I admit I was a bit surprised; it's been a while since anyone has been able to resist my compulsion. Where'd you get it?

Stefan: Does it matter?

Damon: Guess I could seduce her the old fashioned way. Or I could just...eat her.

Stefan: No, you're not going to hurt her, Damon.

Damon: No?

Stefan: Because deep down inside there is a part of you that feels for her. I was worried that you had no humanity left inside you, that you had actually become that monster you pretend to be.

Damon: Who's pretending?

Stefan: Then kill me.

Damon: Well, I'm tempted.

Stefan: No, you're not. You've had lifetimes to do it and yet, here I am. I'm still alive and there you are. You're still haunting me after 145 years. Katherine is dead and you hate me because you loved her and you torture me because you still do. And that, my brother, is your humanity.

Jenna: He could be craftier about it. At least make an effort to sneak her in and out.

Jenna: Have you called him?

Elena: Nope, not going to either.

Jenna: And you’re okay with everything?

Elena: No, I’m not okay with any of it. I’m not gonna cry about it either. You know, I was going to write in my diary this morning and then I thought, what am I going to write? Honestly, I’m not gonna be one of those pathetic girls whose world stops spinning because of some guy.

Zach: You appear unannounced, reminding me that this isn’t my house, that you’re just permitting me to live here. Hell, that you’re permitting me to live.

Damon: Someone had to mow the lawn.

Elena: I think there’s something that he doesn’t want me to know, which...makes me wanna know all the more.

Matt: Like what? Like that he’s a serial killer and he keeps a clown suit in his trunk?

Stefan: Talk to who? I'm so sorry that I'm late.

Elena: What happened?

Stefan: I got held up.

Elena: Is everything okay?

Stefan: There’s this thing with my uncle.

Elena: And you couldn't call and tell me you’re going to be an hour late?

Stefan: I’m really sorry. It was unavoidable.

Elena: What was unavoidable? (Stefan looks down) Okay.

Stefan: No. Er. Elena, please.

Elena: No, Stefan, don't you get it? Every question gets a vague non-answer. What is so awful that you're afraid to tell me?

Stefan Hey, can I take you home? And, and we can talk about all this. Is that okay?

Elena: Wait, what was that?

Stefan: I, I dunno. Nothing.

Elena: Right. Nothing. Okay, I gotta go, Stefan.

Stefan: (to Elena) You wanna know me, right? Well, I figure if you’re gonna dump me, you should at least...uhmm...know who you’re dumping.

Stefan: I do know that I did some things that..I’m not proud of. And my biggest regret..is not being able to make it right before she died.

Stefan: You know what? I even like that one Miley song. Easy…

Elena: I didn’t say anything.

Elena: Uhmm...I think that my paranoia has turned into full blown hallucinations.

Stefan: Part of your charm.

Logan: (to Elena) Hi...Elena, right? I think I met you once when you were nine.

Jenna: Your emotional maturity level when we were together.

Logan: Ouch! And here I thought we’re making progress.

Logan: Wait. One condition. Dinner, tonight, your house.

Jenna: Fine, but you’re eating leftovers.

Logan: Oooh…

Matt: (to Stefan) Hey...I’m not saying this for you, I’m saying it for her. But she’s big on trust. So, whatever you’re holding back from her, the more you try to hide it, the more she won’t stop ’til she figures it out.

Sheriff Forbes: Honey, are you okay? Anything you wanna talk about? Is it a boy thing?

Elena: Dear Diary, I’m not a believer. People are born, they grow old, and then they die. That’s the world we live in. There’s no magic, no mysticism, no immortality. There is nothing that defies rational thought. It’s not possible. I’m not a believer, I can’t be. But how can I deny what’s right in front of me? Someone who never grows old...never gets hurt...someone who changes in ways that can’t be explained. Girls bitten...bodies drained of blood...

Stefan: Because you knowing this is dangerous! For so many reasons. You can hate me, but I need you to trust me.

Elena: Just go. Just go, please...go. If you mean me no harm then you’ll go.

Stefan: I never wanted this.

Damon: Where are you, Stefan? I’m trapped, at the house, and I’m getting really bored and really impatient, and I don’t do bored and impatient.

Damon: I want my ring.

Stefan: Where are you?

Damon: I'm at the sizzler. I had the buffet. Where's my ring?

Stefan: I don't have it. Where are you? What have you done?

Damon: Nooo, what have YOU done? You're the one that locked me in the basement and starved me, so whatever I've done - whoever I've sucked dry - is on you, buddy.

Stefan: You're being careless. How many more animal attacks is this town gonna believe, huh?

Damon: I know how to cover my tracks, Stefan! Where's my ring?!

Stefan: I gave it to Zach to hide. You probably shouldn't have killed him.

Damon: Ahhh, you almost got me. Where is it?

Stefan: I'll get it back. But I need time.

Damon: What, did you Fed-Ex it to Rome?! Where is it?! I want my ring, Stefan...or my next stop’s Elena’s.

Stefan: I already want you dead; don’t give me another reason to make it happen.

Damon: Don’t give me another reason to rip you apart.

Stefan: Yeah? Is that gonna be before or after you get your ring back?

Damon: Just get it.

Stefan: Elena...give me today. I will answer any questions that you have, and when it’s over, you can decide for yourself what you want to do with what you know. It’ll be your choice.

Elena: What are we doing here?

Stefan: I want to show you something.

Elena: In the middle of nowhere?

Stefan: This didn’t use to be "nowhere." This used to be my home.

Stefan: What Damon wants, Damon usually gets.

Elena: So how...?

Stefan: I've been 17 years old since 1864.

Stefan: That's the thing about Damon. He doesn't get mad. He just gets even.

Elena: You knew Katherine in 1864? Damon made it seem like...

Stefan: Damon was trying to make you think that I was still heart-broken. He saw that I was happy with you and he wanted to ruin it.

Elena: All because you loved the same woman, a hundred and forty-five years ago?

Stefan: That necklace contains an herb called Vervain. It protects you from being compelled. I wanted to protect you from Damon’s influence. But I also wanted to protect you from me.

Vicki: Don't you want to be in love?

Damon: I've been in love. It's painful, pointless, and overrated.

Damon: No more talking. Let's dance!

Damon: I think I know what can help you.

Vicki: What’s that?

Damon: Death.

Stefan: Right now, she doesn’t remember anything. A part of her’s still human. Slowly, the deeper she gets into the transition, the memories will start to come back, and then she’ll know she has to make the choice.

Stefan: I’ll take care of it. I’ll find her and I will show her that she can live like I do. I’m gonna make sure that she does not hurt anybody, Elena, I promise you…

Elena: What do I tell my brother, and...and Matt?!

Stefan: We’ll come up with a story.

Elena: You mean we’ll come up with a lie?

Stefan: I’m so sorry…

Elena: I gave you today just like you asked. And I understand that you would never do anything to hurt me, and I promise I will keep your secret, but...I can’t be with you, Stefan. I’m sorry, I...I just can’t.

Damon: Peace offering. (lifts a mug of coffee) C'mon, you need it for blood circulation. It does dead flesh good.

(Stefan glares in silence)

Damon: Alright, I’m sorry.

Stefan: Step aside, please.

Damon: I got the town off our back. It was for the greater good - but I’m sorry! And to prove it, I’m not going to feed on a human. For at least a...week. I’ll adopt the Stefan diet. Only nothing with feathers.

Stefan (mimicking Damon): Because I realize that killing your closest and oldest friend is beyond evil, and yet, somehow, it’s worthy of humor.

Damon: Are you mimicking me?

Stefan: Yes, Stefan. Now that the secret society of vampire haters is off our back, I can go back to my routine of how can I destroy Stefan’s life this week.

Damon (mimicking Stefan): And I can go back to sulking and Elena-longing and forehead-brooding. (in his own voice) This is fun, I like this.

Stefan (mimicking Damon): And I will finally reveal the ulterior motive behind my evil and diabolical return to Mystic Falls.

Damon: (pauses) Yeah, I’m done. (turns to leave)

Damon (mimicking Stefan): This is so like you, Damon - always have to have the last word.

Matt: Hey.

Caroline: Hey. What is that?

Matt: What is what?

Caroline: The "hey." That is twice. That is two heys. That's...do you have any other words in your vocabulary?

Matt: What's wrong with hey?

Caroline: It reeks of awkward subtext. You just spent the night in my bed. There was cuddling. Then you snuck out before dawn so you wouldn't have to face me. Which, I must say, is a total lame guy move. Which I did not appreciate. Now, with the heys? Seriously? I mean, I may have been some pathetic, insecure mess after the party, but do not mistake that for me being a pushover. Because I do not let guys mess with my head anymore.

Matt: I heard your mom in the morning. I didn't want to get you in trouble, so I went out the window.

Caroline: You went out the window? Well, another lame guy move.

Matt: Your mom's a sheriff. And as for the heys, I'm pretty sure it's what I've said to you every day since the first grade.

Caroline: Oh.

Matt: Trying to read something into it - lame girl move.

Elena: I'm sorry, Stefan. I thought that I couldn't be with you, but I can. You don't have to push me away. I can do this.

Stefan: I can't. I, uh, I have to leave, Elena. Too many people died. Too much has happened.

Elena: What? No, I know you think you're protecting me, but -

Stefan: Elena, I have to. Coming back was... It was a mistake. I can't be a part of your life anymore.

Logan: See, I know what you and your brother are. I've been watching the two of you. I knew you'd show up here. And I'm glad you did. Because I have some questions.

Damon: Me first. Who turned you?

Logan: How should I know? Last thing I remember is I'm about to stake your brother and then you grabbed me. That's it. Until I wake up in the ground behind a used car dealership on Highway 4. Somebody buried me.

Damon: It happens.

Logan: You bit me. It had to be you.

Damon: You have to have vampire blood in your system when you die. I didn't do that. Some other vampire found you. Gave you their blood.

Logan: Who?

Damon: That's what I want to know.

Logan: Dude! It's not like the welcome wagon was waiting with a bunk cake and a handbook. It's been a learn-as-you-go process. One minute, I'm a small town, on the rise news guy, and the next thing I know, I can't get inside my house because my foot won't go through the door.

Damon: You have to be invited in.

Logan: I know. I live alone.

Damon: Oh, that sucks.

Elena: I'm guessing you're not here to plan the path for your future. You're looking out for me.

Stefan: Hope that's okay. (After a little while) You know I, uh, I wanted to be a doctor before everything happened. But I couldn't, this...

Elena: The blood?

Stefan: Yeah. I've dabbled in a bunch of different things, though.

Elena: Didn't love anything enough to stick to it?

Stefan: No, I've loved it all, I just... I had to move on before anybody could notice that I wasn't...getting any older.

Elena: How long before that would happen?

Stefan: Few years, usually. Sometimes shorter.

Elena: And you always left?

Stefan: I didn't have a choice. So! What about, what about you? What are your plans for the future?

Elena: I don't want to talk about my future, Stefan. Because everything you're saying is making it perfectly clear that you're not going to be in it.

Stefan: No, Elena, it's not that I don't want to be, it's...

Elena: You can't, I get it. I heard you the first time, and the second time. And I appreciate you looking out for me, but, please, if you're gonna leave, then just go.

Elena: What I said earlier, about you leaving... It was harsh.

Stefan: No, no, you... You had every right.

Elena: You asked me what I wanted my future to be. I wanted to be a writer. My mom sort of pushed me into that direction from the time I was able to read. She supported me, encouraged me, bought me my first journal...and then she died. And I can't see myself being a writer any more. That was something that we shared. I know that you think that you brought all of this bad stuff into my life, but my life already had it. I was buried in it.

Stefan: This is different.

Elena: It doesn't make it any less painful.

Stefan: I know that it's...that it's hard to understand, but I'm doing this for you. (Gets out of the car, leaving Elena inside)

Elena:(Thinks, and gets out of the car, with a determined face) No. You don't get to make that decision for me. If you walk away, it's for you, because I know what I want. Stefan, I love you.

Damon: Oh, you were so much more fun when you were asleep. (pulls the car over)

Elena: (gets out of the car)

Damon: (helps her)

Elena: I'm fine. We have to go back.

Damon: Oh, come on. We've already come this far.

Elena: Why are you doing this? I can't be in Georgia. I...I wrecked my car. I have to go home. (pause) This is kidnapping.

Damon: That’s a little melodramatic, don’t you think?

Elena: You're not funny. You can't do this. I'm not going to Georgia.

Damon: Well, you're in Georgia. Without your magical necklace, I might add. I can very easily make you...agreeable.

Elena: What are you trying to prove?

(Elena's phone rings)

Elena: That’s my phone.

Damon: Mmm... (looks at the phone) It's your boyfriend. (holds the phone out to her; she refuses to answer) I'll take it. (answers) Elena's phone.

Stefan: Where is she? Why do you have her phone? Is she okay?

Damon: Elena? Yeah, she's right here. And, yes, she's fine.

Stefan: Where are you? Let me talk to her.

Damon: (to Elena) He wants to talk to you.

Elena: Mm-mm. (shakes her head)

Damon: (to Stefan) Yeah, I, uh, I don't think she really wants to talk to you right now.

Stefan: Damon, I swear to God if you touch her-

Damon: You have a good day. Bye now.

Elena: Look, no one knows where I am. Can we please just go back?

Damon: We’re almost there.

Elena: Where is 'there'?

Damon: It’s a little place right outside of Atlanta. Oh, come on, Elena. You don’t want to go back right now, do you? What’s the rush? Time-out. Trust me, the problem is still going to be there when you come home. Look, step away from your life for 5 minutes. (she glares) 5 minutes!

Elena: Am I going to be safe with you?

Damon: Yes.

Elena: You promise not to do that mind-control-thing with me?

Damon: Yes.

Elena: Can I trust you?

Damon: Get in the car. Come on.

Elena: What about that man in the road? Was he a...?

Damon: From what I can tell...yeah.

Elena: You didn't know him?

Damon: If I've never met him, I wouldn't know him. It's not like we all hang out at the 'vamp bar and grill'.

Damon: Vampires can't procreate. But we love to try.

Elena: Aw, do you need a bib?

Damon: Sorry I can't unhinge my jaw like a snake to consume alcohol.

Elena: So, why did you bring me with you?

Damon: Well you're not the worst company in the world, Elena. You should give yourself more credit.

Elena: Seriously?

Damon: You know...you were there in the road, all 'damsel in distress'-like. And I knew it'd piss off Stefan. And...you're not the worst company in the world, Elena.

Damon: If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it. Now listen - we have some very important business to discuss.

Elena: And it has to be right now?

Damon: We have lots to do, now that we're all friends and working towards a common goal. So, in order to open the tomb, we need to find the journal to get the grimoire to undo the spell. So, first things first - since you are Elena Gilbert, you're on journal duty.

Elena: Since when am I helping?

Damon: Well, Stefan's helping, and you've taken up residency in Stefan's bed, ergo...

Stefan: You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

Elena: I'll look for it today.

Damon: Good.

Stefan: How do we know that this journal will hold the location of the grimoire? Are we really gonna take the word of this vampire? He seemed like a bit of a dimwit.

Damon: In lieu of any other options...

Elena: Okay, what exactly is a grimoire, anyway?

Damon: It's a witch's cookbook.

Stefan: Every spell that a witch casts is unique unto itself, so every witch would document their work...,

Damon: Yeah. Cookbook.

Stefan: What about our mystery vampire? 'Dimwit' obviously wasn't working alone. So whoever's out there knows who we are.

Damon: And I don't like that disadvantage. So chop chop! You know, I'm really liking this whole menage-threesome team thing. It's got a bit of a kink to it. (turns to leave)Don't screw it up.

Stefan: Please, what do you know? You were with Anna - you must know where she's living. Just tell me where I can find her.

Damon: No. You can go now.

Stefan (to Damon): All I can remember is hating you. There may have been a time when that was different, but your choices have erased anything good about you. I also know that you have just as much reason to hate me. This all began with me. Katherine got taken away from you because of me...and I'm sorry.

Damon: I mean this sincerely: I hope Elena dies.

Elena: Do you really want Katherine out that bad?

Anna: Trust me, nobody that I know wants to see that girl again; except Damon, the love-struck idiot.

Stefan: I can get it.

Anna: Which means your brother has it. And I have the witch, so one of you had better meet me in the very public town square in 30 minutes so we can safely discuss how fun it's gonna be to work together. (hangs up)

Sheila: You got some nerve knocking on a Bennett witch's door and asking her for anything.

Damon: What'd I do?

Sheila: Spirits talk, Mr. Salvatore, and so does my granddaughter. You are no friend to us. Now get off my porch.

Damon: Step outside and say that.

Sheila: (stares hard at Damon)

Damon: (suddenly groans in pain and clutches his head)

Sheila: I am not Bonnie. You don't wanna mess with me.

Damon: Stefan will come after you, you know that. For messing with Elena.

Anna: Then he won't be too happy if I kill her when I don't get what I want. (begins to walk away)

Damon: (sighs) When do you want to do this?

Anna: (laughs) God, it's like 1864 all over again. You Salvatores are truly pathetic when it comes to women.

Stefan: Now we have to make Damon agree.

Elena: He already agreed once.

Stefan: Yes, and then we double-crossed him. So now he's angry.

Elena: He's hurt. There's a difference.

Damon: Fool me once, shame on you.

Elena: Okay, when we were in Atlanta, why didn't you use your compulsion on me?

Damon: Who says I didn't?

Elena: You didn't. I know you didn't. But you could have. You and I...we have something. An understanding. And I know that my betrayal hurt you, different than when it comes from Stefan, but I'm promising you now that I will help you get Katherine back.

Damon: I wish I could believe you.

Elena: (removes her vervain necklace) Ask me if I'm lying now.

Damon: (placing her necklace back) I didn't compel you in Atlanta because we were having fun. I wanted it to be real. I'm trusting you - don't make me regret it.

Damon: (greeting Stefan, Bonnie, and Sheila) Brother. Witches.

Stefan: I can't.

Elena: Can't? Can't what?

Bonnie (to Elena): The spell's still up; we can't get them out. Yet.

Elena (to Stefan): You went in there not knowing if you could come back out?

Stefan: (nods silently)

Elena: Oh my God...

Stefan: I heard you scream.

Elena (to Stefan, about Damon): We can't leave him in there. We promised him, both of us.

Stefan: (nods) I know.

Damon: She's not here!

Stefan: Damon-

Damon: She's not here.

Stefan: What?

Damon: (throws blood bag at the wall) SHE'S NOT HERE!

Elena: (shouting) Stefan, they can't hold it much longer!

Stefan: Damon, we need to get out of here.

Damon: It doesn't make sense, they locked her inside...

Stefan: If we don't leave now, we're not getting out.

Damon: How could she not be in here?

Stefan: It's not worth spending all of eternity down here! (grabs Damon) She's not worth it!

Damon: (shakes him off) No!

Elena: Damon!

Damon: (looks at her)

Elena: Please.

Damon (to Anna): You knew Katherine wasn't in there.

Anna: You wouldn't have helped me.

Damon: (rushes Pearl; grabs her by the throat)

Anna: No!

Damon: Why do you get a happy ending?

Anna: Damon, please! You wouldn't have helped me! You know you wouldn't!

Damon: Why do you get it and I don't?

Pearl: The guard. The one at the church - the one who locked us in. She promised to turn him. He was obsessed with her.

Damon: (tightens his grip)

Anna: No-

Pearl: (choking) She had him under her spell...like everybody else. He let her go.

Damon: (releases Pearl)

Anna: The last I saw her...was Chicago. 1983. She knew where you were, Damon. She didn't care. (whispers) Sorry.

Elena: It'd just be nice if we could get through one day without having to deal with any of it. No vampire mother or brother.

Stefan: No vampires at all?

Elena: No vampires but you.

Matt: We can watch a movie at my place.

Caroline: With your mom and a six pack?

Matt: You know... You don't really help the situation. You could always try to be nice.

Caroline: Oh, I'm sorry. It's hard for me to show kindness to people that hate me. I'm not that evolved.

Pearl (talking to Harper): The keypad is for texting, which is what you do when you want to avoid talking to someone.

Damon: What exactly are you trying to achieve?

Pearl: Mystic Falls is our home, Damon. They took that from us. Our land, our home. It's time we rebuild.

Damon: What, are you crazy? It was 1864. Wake up, woman. The world has moved on.

Pearl (to Damon): I have four hundred years on you, little boy. I'll rip you from limb to limb without even blinking and you know it.

Elena: Have you ever even been on a double-date before?

Stefan: Oh, absolutely. '72, Heff and the twins.

Elena: What?

Stefan: Yeah...playmates. I got Miss June.

Jenna: Don't be grumpy. It can't be that bad.

Damon: You'd be surprised. My primary reason for existence has abandoned me, and after today's events, the remains of the shaky ground that I walk on are about to go 'kaboom.' (turns to Kelly) Let's get hammered.

Jenna: Hide. We're not here.

Kelly: Why? Where'd we go?

Jenna: Children under our care, five o'clock.

Matt: Is there anything you're not good at?

Stefan: Double-dating. This is all kind of new to me. I usually keep to myself. I don't always fit in.

Matt: That's because you're that guy.

Stefan: What guy?

Matt: The guy who seems like he has everything, so the people that don't kind of run the other way.

Stefan: Is that what I seem like?

Matt: Pretty much.

Stefan: Hmm... What a dick!

Caroline: (looking around the Salvatore mansion) This is much better than watching Damon visit cougar town.

Frederick: Vervain. Making it hard to find something to eat in this town.

Stefan: I remember them from 1864. They were in the tomb.

Damon: Yeah, about that...

Matt: Do you know what I was doing tonight, Mom? I was having fun, you know, trying to forget about all the crap that I have to deal with every day. Just enjoying a night with my friends. And then, there you are, wasted at the bar - where I work, by the way, to pay the bills that you don't pay. And then you're off acting like a freakin' kid, hooking up with some guy half your age. I'm the kid, Mom. You're supposed to be responsible for me.

Elena: How was your night?

Jeremy: Ah... Same old, same old. You?

Elena: Yep.

Anna: How did you know?

Jeremy: I knew this girl. Vicki. She was attacked by an animal; a bite to the neck. She started acting crazy, weird, and it seemed like drugs, but then you showed me those articles. And then I saw your face and how it changed the night in the cemetery when I kissed you.

Anna: You know you can't tell anyone, right?

Jeremy: Who would believe me?

Anna: You'd be surprised.

Jeremy: Why didn't you kill me?

Anna: I don't know. Maybe I'm a sucker for guys like you.

Jeremy: Like what?

Anna: Lost. Why would you confront me about it? Why would you risk it?

Jeremy: Because if it was true, maybe it's true about Vicki. And also because I want you to turn me.

Stefan: What do you mean? I'm perfectly safe. I have Damon, the self-serving psychopath on my side.

Elena: That's comforting.

Jeremy: Does your mom know you're a...?

Anna: The fact that you would even think it's possible to keep something like that a secret from your own family is just further proof that you're not ready.

Jeremy: 'Not ready' is a step up from 'no'.

Anna: And a million steps down from 'maybe'.

Matt: I yelled at my mom last night. You know, I feel like the parent with the screwed up kid.

Caroline: Well, maybe she needed to hear it.

Matt: Yeah, but I worry that if I push too hard then she'll take off again, 'cause that's her M.O. Just like Vicki, who I haven't heard from since she left.

Caroline: Well, you can't control your mom, Matt, any more than you can control your sister.

Matt: I wish that she would just try, a little, you know. If she would just try to try, that would be okay.

Caroline: Maybe she'll surprise you. People have a tendency to do that. I should go before the roads get even worse from the storm.

Matt: Are you sure that you should be driving right now?

Caroline: I have to - it's my dad's boyfriend's daughter's birthday. We have a nontraditional traditional ritual.

Matt: Well, buckle up.

Damon: Hunting party?

Stefan: That guy did a number on me last night when he stabbed me. I've got to get my strength back up.

Damon: I have two liters of soccer mom in the fridge. (Stefan doesn't respond) No?

Stefan: We'll talk when I get back.

Damon: Alright... Give my regards to the squirrels.

Damon: You're ignoring me.

Elena: The six missed calls? Sorry. My phone's dead.

Damon: Is Stefan here?

Elena: No. Why? Is something wrong?

Damon: He went out in to the woods and didn't come back. I can't get him on his phone. I figured he was here with you.

Elena: (calls Stefan) It's going straight to voicemail. Where could he be?

Damon: You're not gonna like what I'm thinking.

Damon: Pearl, open this door or I swear I'll bust through and rip your head off.

Frederick: Pearl's not home. Mmm... Beautiful weather. Not a ray of sun in the sky.

Damon: Where's my brother?

Frederick: Billy? (Billy and another vampire drag Stefan into the room)

Damon: You are dead.

Frederick: I'm sorry you haven't been invited in. Miss Gibbons?

Miss Gibbons: Yes, Frederick, honey?

Frederick: Never let this bad man in.

Miss Gibbons: I'll never let him in.

Frederick: One hundred forty-five years left starving in a tomb, thanks to Katherine's infatuation with you and your brother. First few weeks every single nerve in your body screams with fire... kind of pain that can drive a person mad. Well, I thought your brother might want to get a taste of that before I killed him. Billy! (Billy stakes Stefan in the abdomen; Stefan falls to his knees in pain)

Frederick (to Damon): You have a nice day.

Damon: Well, don't you look alive?

Alaric: You can't hurt me.

Damon: Oh, I can hurt you, alright.

Elena: Mr. Saltzman, we need your help. Stefan's in the house; Damon's a vampire, he can't get in. We need you. I would go, but...

Damon: But your life is valuable. Yours, on the other hand, is...

Elena: Stefan told me about your ring.

Alaric: What about it?

Damon: Let me re-cap: You tried to kill me, I defended myself, you died, and - according to my brother - your ring brought you back to life. Am I leaving anything out?

Alaric: Yeah... The part where I try and kill you again, only this time I don't miss.

Elena: Mr. Saltzman... Please. It's Stefan.

Alaric: I'm sorry, Elena. It's not my problem.

Damon: That's a shame, 'cause the woman in charge of the crowd can help you find your wife.

Jeremy: I wake up everyday and I feel okay. But there's something missing, like a hole. Some people, they fit in life or whatever. I don't.

Anna: So you want a pity turn? I don't think so.

Jeremy: You should turn me 'cause I don't have anything else.

Anna: Do you even know why we turn other people? It's not just to give someone a one-way ticket out of lonerhood, okay? One, we need someone to do our dirty work. Two, revenge. Three, boredom, but you know that never turns out well. And then, you know, there's the obvious one - you love someone so much that you would do anything to spend all of eternity with them. I'm sorry but you don't fit any of those categories yet.

Tyler: Be more creepy, dad. Not like your son is standing right here.

Mayor Lockwood: Grow up. Elections are coming. She's a constituent - and a rich one, from the looks of it.

Tyler: And you can tell all that by looking at her ass. Awesome. I'm gonna go shoot some pool.

Damon: Teacher by day, vampire hunter by night.

Alaric: I have you to thank for that.

Elena: Damon, now's not the time to be the Lone Ranger.

Damon: Oh, I understand. He's the reason you live. His love 'lifts you up where you belong.' I get it.

Elena: Can you just not joke around for two seconds?

Damon: Miss Gibbons, now tell me the truth. Are you married?

Miss Gibbons: No.

Damon: Parents? Children? Anyone else who lives on this property?

Miss Gibbons: No, it's just me.

Damon: No? Good. (Damon snaps Miss Gibbon's neck)

Alaric: You were supposed to compel her!

Damon: It doesn't work that way.

Alaric: She's human.

Damon: And I'm not, so I don't care! Now get out of here... and get rid of the body.

Pearl: I'm in the process of obtaining some property. I understand that your family is the largest property-owner in town.

Mayor Lockwood: Well, yes we are - dating all the way back to the town's original charter.

Pearl: Your family came in to a lot of new property in 1864.

Mayor Lockwood: You know your history.

Pearl: It's a passion of mine.

Tyler: The guy's not even subtle about it.

Matt: Who is that?

Tyler: It's not my mother.

Frederick: Billy, Jacob, get back in here.

Stefan: Thank you... for trying to help me.

Harper: They just needed somebody to blame; someone to punish.

(Elena enters the room)

Stefan: Elena. You shouldn't be here.

Damon (to Elena): You rescue, I'll distract. Go.

Damon: How many of those vervain darts do you have left?

Alaric: One.

Damon: Not gonna be enough.

Alaric: What you said to get me to do this, about my wife, was a lie, wasn't it?

Damon: Yep.

Pearl (from outside): Stop. What's going on here? (Pearl enters the house, looks around and then at Damon) What did you do?

Damon: How long did it take you to wean yourself off of it after you last "indulged"? (Stefan doesn't answer) That's not good.

Stefan: I'll be fine. It just takes a little bit of time.

Damon: I don't get it. You know you don't have to kill to survive. That's what blood banks are for. I haven't hunted a human in...God, way too long.

Stefan: Oh, I'm impressed.

Damon: It's completely self-serving - trying to get the town off the trail of vampires. Which is not very easy, considering there's an entire tomb of them running around.

Stefan: What are we planning on doing about that?

Damon: You're not gonna be doing much of anything if you don't have your strength. There's nothing wrong with partaking in a healthy diet of human blood from a blood bank. You're not actually killing anyone.

Stefan: I have my reasons.

Damon: Well, what are those holier than thou reasons, because, you know, we've never actually discussed that. You know, I'd love to hear this story.

Stefan: I hate to break it to you, Damon, but I actually have it under complete control.

Damon: You do? Oh, well, then you should just carry on making the rest of us vampires look bad. Have a great day, Stef. (leaves the room, leaving his glass of blood on a side table; returns a moment later.) Oh, hey, almost forgot something. Oops.

John Gilbert: What's up with Jeremy?

Jenna: He just lost a friend, so try to be sensitive.

John: I'm always sensitive.

Jenna: Right. So, really, how long are you staying?

John: Can't you at least pretend that you're happy to see me?

Jenna: (acting perky and excited) Oh my god! John, it is so good to see you! How have you been? (drops the act) No, I can't.

John: Did you really think I was just gonna sign the escrow papers and send them back?

Jenna: Actually, I did.

John: I'm not gonna let you sell my brother's office.

Jenna: It's not up to you or me - it belongs to Jeremy and Elena.

John: They're minors, so I get the final say, being that I'm the estate's trustee.

Damon: He's a Gilbert?

Sheriff Forbes: Elena's uncle. His name is John, but I call him jackass.

John: The Gilberts have been a part of this town for 150 years. One of the founding families. Along with that distinction, comes certain obligations, including going to the party. One day, when you can appreciate the significance, I'll tell you all about your heritage.

Jenna: Mmm...'Gilbert family legacy.' I forgot how sacred it was. I'm not a Gilbert, so I was never cool enough to hear it.

Jeremy: Why does she hate you?

John: We used to sleep together.

Jenna: (throws a wrapper at him) I am standing right here!

Elena: Oh good, you're here.

Damon: You ask, I come. I'm easy like that.

Elena: Shh! (nods to her brother, who is oblivious to their conversation; points to the stairs)

Damon: (dramatically and loudly) No, Elena! I will not go to your bedroom with you! (chuckles as she drags him to the stairs)

Damon: (entering Elena's bedroom) Ah... Just like I remember.

Elena: Stop messing around.

Damon: You know, did you know that your uncle's been kickin' it with the Founder's Council?

Elena: What?

Damon: Yep.

Elena: Perfect. We'll just add it to the growing list of how everything's falling apart.

Damon: It is what it is, Elena. The Stefan you know is 'good behavior' Stefan; 'reign it in' Stefan; 'fight against his nature to an annoyingly obsessive level' Stefan. But if you think there's not another part to this, then you have not been paying attention. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Damon: Really? (imitating Jeremy's voice) Oh, but Sheriff, someone buried her! Who would do that? (points to himself) I know! I know! Me.(pauses) I mean, I could compel him, but he's wearing vervain...

Elena: No - I don't want you to compel him.

Damon: If he keeps asking questions...

Elena: Damon, no! I'm serious! I'm not gonna do that to him again. I'll handle it.

Damon: (sighs) Okay. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Kelly (to Tyler): Is that soda? (grabs his glass and drinks)

Tyler: Uh...

Kelly: Vodka. Thank God...

John: So what do you think, Damon? You know this vampire problem is real, right? It's a potential bloodbath.

Damon: Oh, I wouldn't overreact, John.

John: ...I think it's like 1864 all over again. Vampires running amuck. (pauses) Guess we're just gonna have to hunt them down, throw 'em in a church, and burn them to ash.

John: You see, it seems that there was a tomb under the church, where vampires were hidden away - waiting for someone to come along and set them free. But then you already knew that, didn't you? Being that you're the one that did it.

Damon: And you're telling me this...why?

John: I just thought we'd get the introductions out of the way...

Damon: Look, well, you know I could rip your throat out before anyone would notice.

John: (nods) Right.

Damon: Yeah, okay. But you probably ingest vervain, so...

John: Why don't you take a bite, find out?

Damon: It's not worth my time.

John: (scoffs)

Damon: (chuckles) Hm. (pauses, then snaps his neck)

Damon: Do you wanna hear the bad news, or the really bad news?

Stefan: Actually, I don't want any news, Damon.

Damon: Alright, well, let me rephrase: do wanna hear how the council's back in 'vampire mode', or... how I just killed uncle John Gilbert?

Stefan: ...What?

Damon: Great party, by the way, huh?

Damon: (sees John Gilbert alive) You've got to be kidding me...

Damon: Look at his right hand.

Alaric: Whose?

Damon: Town's favorite son. Look at his ring.

Alaric: Wow. It looks like mine.

Damon: Yeah... And that'd be a big coincidence if he didn't just come back from the dead five minutes ago. Where the hell did you get that ring?

Alaric: Isobel, my wife.

Damon: Who gave birth to Elena, under the medical care of the esteemed Dr. Grayson Gilbert - John's brother!

Alaric: You think John knew Isobel?

Damon: I think John knows a lot of things.

Tyler: Dad, I don't know what happened. I was drinking, and I just lost it-

Mayor Lockwood: (viciously slaps him) That is the last time you embarrass this family.

Damon: Going somewhere?

John: Never liked to be the last one to leave a party. It's too desperate. You gonna kill me again, or you gonna let Mr. Saltzman do your dirty work?

Alaric: Okay. You obviously know who I am.

John: I do. Alaric Saltzman, the high school history teacher with a secret.

Damon: You sure know a lot for someone who just got to town.

John: More than you can imagine, Damon. My knowledge of this town goes beyond anything that you, or you, or the council, knows. So, if you were planning on some clever, high speed, snatch-ring vamp kill-move, know that if I die, everything I know goes to the council - including the fascinating little tale of the original Salvatore brothers and their present-day return to Mystic Falls.

Alaric: How did you get that ring?

John: I inherited one. My brother, Gray, the other. This was his, although I wouldn't have given mine to Isobel had I known she'd hand it over to another guy.

Damon: So you did know her?

John: Who do you think sent her your way when she wanted to become a vampire?

Stefan: I tried so hard to keep it together tonight, and it was working. It was working. But then Matt's mom... she got hurt and she was bleeding and I had her blood on my hands.

Elena: And then what happened?

Stefan: The guy in the parking lot... I wanted to feed on him, and it took everything inside of me not to do it.

Elena: But you didn't?

Stefan: No, but I wanted to. Elena... my head is pounding. I feel like my skin is on fire. I have this hunger inside of me that I've never... I've never felt before in my entire life and I keep thinking about how I promised that I would never keep anything from you. So I'm telling you this.

Elena: It's okay. I need you to tell me these things.

Stefan: But I don't want you to see me like this. I don't want you to know that this side of me exists.

Stefan: No, no, no, no. I'm sorry, I-- I can't. I'm afraid of what I could do to you.

Elena: I'm not. Stefan. Stefan? I'm not. I'm not, okay?

Stefan: I love you so much.

Elena: Oh, I love you, too.

Damon: We have a problem, Stefan. And when I say 'problem,' I mean global crisis. Seems Uncle John has a... (looks up at Stefan who is swaying on his feet) You don't look so good. (pauses) It's different this time, isn't it? The need is too strong. Of course it would be after all these years. (sets his glass of blood on the table) Have a good night, brother. (leaves)

Stefan: I woke up this morning and I was feeling great and I figured it was time for me to get back in to things.

Elena: Does that mean you're okay, now, with all the cravings?

Stefan: Yeah. I mean, the worst part is over. So now, all I want to do is spend as much time with you as possible.

John: Meaning the vampire who stole the blood used mind control to hide the theft.

Damon: I know what she means.

John: I think we'll make a good team. Don't you, Damon?

Damon: John, whatever I can do to help keep this town safe. Even if it means spending time with you.

Alaric: This week we're gonna set aside our regular curriculum for a lesson in local history, as we approach Founder's Day. Apparently, the community leaders feel that's more important than World War II. But, hey, what do I know?

Damon: You were playing house with half of a tomb of really pissed-off vampires. What did you think was going to happen?

Anna: My mom is devastated. They tried to overthrow her.

Damon: Why isn't she here, telling me this?

Anna: She doesn't really do apologies.

Damon: Well, that's a coincidence, 'cause I don't do forgiveness.

Stefan: You're making small talk. Why?

Damon: You seem awfully chipper, lately. Less doom and gloom - a little more pep in your step...

Damon: Stefan, let's be serious for a second. You spent the last century and a half being a poster child for Prozac, and now you expect me to believe that this "new you" has nothing to do with human blood? Nothing?

Stefan: I'm clean.

Damon: You're lying!

Stefan: Believe what you want.

Damon: Well, well...he's a liar and a thief. So, when were you gonna share?

Damon: Just remember, we're trying to keep a low profile. Why don't you just walk up to Sheriff Forbes and ask her to tap a vein?

Stefan: Have my actions negatively impacted you? Whoo... I can't imagine what that must feel like.

Damon: You've been off the human stuff for years, Stefan. If you're having trouble controlling...

Stefan: I'm not having any trouble.

Damon: Who do you think you're talking to? I know what it's like! That "Jekyll and Hyde' feeling... There's that switch - sometimes it goes off and you snap...

Caroline: I'm on the M.F. beautification committee, I volunteer at the rec center soup kitchen...

Elena: I recognize that I haven't been as involved, this year, as I used to be...

Caroline: ...I implemented this year's Go Green campaign at school...

Elena: I've been distracted, and I let a lot of things slide...

A Girl: I don't think it's wrong for me to win two years in a row...

Amber Bradley: I was surprised to have been selected, since I'm not from one of the founding families...

Elena: ...but I'm aware of what an honor this is, and I want you to know that I take it seriously...

Caroline: ...worked with the county's recycling program and was in charge of the policemen's yearly raffle...

Tina Fell: ...just because my D.U.I. made my community service mandatory doesn't mean I was any less committed...

Elena: ...this was really important to my mother. She believed in community, family, honor, and loyalty. It's the legacy she left for me.

John: Hey, partner!

Damon: What do you want?

John: You haven't returned any of my calls.

Damon: Most people would take that as a hint.

John: I'll tell the entire council what you are.

Damon: Go for it! I'll kill every last one of them. Then I'll sever your hand, pull your ring off, and I'll kill you, too. Do you understand that?

Elena: This is ridiculous.

Stefan: You're only saying that because you don't know how to do it.

Elena: Sorry only one of us was around when the dance was invented.

Stefan: Ouch! (twirls Elena and dips)

Mrs. Lockwood: Oh - no! No, no, no. There's no touching during this part. It's about the simple intimacy of the near touch.

Stefan: If you ask me, the "near touch" is over-rated.

Caroline: And Amber Bradley is only on the court so the pageant doesn't look like it's founding families only, which, of course, it is. So that leaves Elena, and she totally has the sympathy vote, since her parents died. How can I compete with that?

Bonnie: Very nice. Very sensitive.

Anna: I remember this event from 1864. I was supposed to enter...before everything happened.

Damon: Ah, nostalgia's a bitch.

Anna: If you're just gonna mock me, could you move along, please?

Elena: Hey! You...can't be back here.

Damon: We need to talk.

Elena: Does it have to be right now?

Damon: Normally I would have a completely different outlook on what I'm about to tell you, but since it could really inconvenience me, I'll...squeal.

Elena: What are you talking about?

Damon: Stefan's still drinking human blood.

Elena: ...What?

Damon: Yeah. (shrugs) A month ago, I would've rejoiced. But with the council back on the alert, it is not a good time for Stefan to fly off the handle.

Elena: I know he's been a little edgy, but, he said that was normal...

Damon: He has a fridge, full of stolen blood bank contraband, in the house.

Elena: Oh my God...

Damon: He has no idea what normal is - his entire existence isn't normal. Normal to a vampire is drinking human blood, but he's spent all this time fighting it, when he should have been learning how to control it. And now it's controlling him, instead.

Anna: You were basically using me to turn you into a vampire so you could be with someone else.

Jeremy: No, I wasn't using you.

Anna: Really? Then how would you like to define it?

Jeremy: (scoffs) I don't think it's any worse than becoming friends with me so we could give your mother my blood.

Anna: How do you know that?

Jeremy: It's not important.

Anna: Seriously, Jeremy. What do you know?

Jeremy: Everything. I know everything.

Stefan: What's going on in here?

Damon: Just filling Elena in on your extra-curricular activities.

Stefan: (scoffs) What are you talking about?

Elena: I know about the blood, Stefan.

Damon: I'm gonna... I'll be downstairs. Drinking.

Jeremy: There's a part of me that's so angry that she covered up what happened to Vicki and erased my memory, but there's also this other part of me that's glad. I don't want to remember Vicki like that.

Anna: As a monster?

Jeremy: No. As someone who wanted to hurt me.

Anna: When I met you, you were just a part of my plan to get my mother back, but then things changed... all the time we spent together. I would never do anything to hurt you... not now. You know that, right?

Stefan: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not very good to be around, right now. I'm a little bit on edge. I've been drinking the human stuff, and it's really screwing with my head. She knows now! She wasn't supposed to find out, I didn't want her to find out, now everything's ruined.

Amber: You seem sad.

Stefan: I'm not sad! I'm FREAKING. HUNGRY.

Stefan: I don't hurt people. I don't do that. I'm the good brother.

Amber: Do you want to hurt me?

Stefan: I want to kill you. I want to rip into your skin, and then I want to feed on your blood. Under your skin...pulsating, flowing. Your carotid artery...right there. If you puncture this just right, you can control the blood flow. Takes practice, but it doesn't have to make a mess. You don't have to waste any.

Amber: What's stopping you?

Stefan: If I do this...if I give in... then there's no going back.

Amber: Then don't.

Stefan: What's your name?

Amber: Amber.

Stefan: Listen to me, Amber. I need you to be afraid of me. I need you to run like hell, do you understand me?! Run. Run! Now!

Amber: (screams and runs)

Stefan: (runs after her and catches her)

Amber: (screams) I thought you said to run!

Stefan: I changed my mind. (feeds on her)

Damon: Alright, now this is getting weird...

Anna: We're here to talk.

Damon: Not in the mood! Today's been a no-good, very-bad day.

Stefan: You shouldn't be here.

Elena: I know.

Stefan: Now you know.

Elena: That wasn't you.

Stefan: Oh, it was absolutely me. A monster...a predator. It's who I am, Elena.

Elena: That's what the blood makes you.

Stefan: The blood brings out what's inside of me, and if you think any differently then you're an idiot!

Elena: I know this isn't you, Stefan.

Stefan: I wanted to drain every ounce of blood from that girl's body.

Elena: No...

Stefan: It's who I am, Elena!

Elena: No, you can't scare me off.

Stefan: Why would you risk it? Why would you come here?

Elena: Because I did this! This is my fault! I'm the one who made you drink the blood...

Damon: Really? After only two years? That's actually...moderately healthy.

Alaric: What are you goin' on — a hundred and forty-six?

Damon: I figured the two hundred mark is probably a good stopping point.

Damon: She charmed me, your wife, Isobel. She talked a good game, man - she was smart. She had this excitement in her eyes... I probably should've known there was something different about her; some tie to Katherine. There had to be some reason I didn't kill her...

Alaric: That's enough, Damon, I don't wanna hear anymore. I just don't want to waste anymore of my life searching for answers I really don't want.

Damon: Ugh. God. You're still here?

Elena: Were you expecting anything else?

Damon: Nope. (sighs and takes a seat)

Elena: So, how was the "errand"?

Damon: Futile. Although I think I witnessed the teacher having an existential crisis. Has Stefan eaten yet?

Elena: I thought you didn't care.

Damon: Chalk it up to morbid curiosity.

Elena: I think he's getting there. But he's got a lot of guilt that he has to deal with, and it doesn't help that you've spent the last hundred and forty-five years punishing him for Katherine getting caught.

Damon: This is my fault now?

Elena: No, it's no one's fault, Damon, I'm just...saying, you're not exactly innocent. You've made it your life's mission to make him miserable.

Damon: (stands up) Let me ask you a question. In all this important soul-searching and cleansing of the demons of Stefan's past, did you ever manage to get the rest of the story?

Elena: He said there was more...

Damon: Yeah. That's an understatement.

Damon: From the moment Stefan had his first taste of human blood, he was a different person. I suppose I should thank him - it's been a hell of a ride.

Emily: You've transitioned.

Stefan: You'd have rather found me dead?

Emily: Katherine saved my life once. I owed her. But that doesn't mean I'd wish her curse on anyone.

Stefan: It feels more like a gift.

Emily: That will change.

Stefan: Why is that?

Emily: Because even in death, your heart is pure, Stefan. I sense that about you. That will be your curse.

Stefan: You don't understand, Elena.

Elena: Then tell me.

Stefan: It hurts me. It hurts me knowing what I've done. And that pain - that pain is with me all the time. And every day I think that if I just...if I just give myself over to the blood, I can make that pain stop. It would be that easy. And every day I fight that. And I am so terrified that one day, I not going to want to fight that anymore more, Elena. And the next time I hurt somebody, it could be you.

Stefan: Thank you.

Damon: No, Stefan, thank you. You're back on Bambi blood, and I'm the big, bad-ass brother again. All's right in the world.

Stefan: No, I mean it. Thank you, for helping her take care of me.

Damon: You brood too much. Everything on this planet's not your fault - my actions, what I do, it's not your fault. I own them - they belong to me. You are not allowed to feel my guilt.

Stefan: You feel guilt?

Damon: If I wanted to - it's there.

Stefan: Why didn't you tell me?

Damon: 'Cause I didn't want you to know. 'Cause I hated you, and I still do.

Stefan: I know.

Damon: ...But not because you forced me to turn.

Stefan: Then why?

Damon: ...Because she turned you, too. It was just supposed to be me, Stefan. Just me.

Damon: You successfully cured him of anything interesting about his personality.

Elena: Remember who helped me.

Damon: I hate myself.

Caroline: Southern Classic Elegance.

Bonnie: Gone With the Wind?

Caroline: How'd you know?

Bonnie: You channel Scarlett daily.

Alaric: Damon. Thanks for coming.

Damon: Sorry I'm late. The dog ate my, uh...nevermind.

Damon: Did you ask her about uncle John? Are they working together?

Alaric: No.

Damon: No, they're not?

Alaric: No, I didn't ask.

Damon: What about the invention?

Alaric: Didn't ask.

Damon: Does she know about the tomb vampires?

Alaric: I don't know.

Damon: Did words completely escape you?

Alaric: No, I was a little too distracted by my dead vampire wife to ask any questions!

Alaric: She threatened to go on a killing spree.

Damon: Oh. I take it that's...not...okay with you guys?

Isobel: Your new boyfriend, over there by the pool table? Stefan Salvatore. Why Stefan? Why didn't you go for Damon? Or are you enjoying them both, like Katherine did?

Damon: We should be in there...

Alaric: No, Isobel made it clear we're not to step a foot inside.

Damon: I'm not going to kill her in a crowded restaurant.

Alaric: You're not going to kill her, period!

Alaric (to Damon): Hell, you're a dick and you kill people, but I still see something human in you.

Damon: You can turn it off. Like a button you can press. I mean, Stefan's different, he-- he wants the whole "human" experience. He wants to feel every episode of "How I Met Your Mother", so he shuts his feelings out. The problem is, as a vampire, your instinct is not to feel.

Damon: No guilt and shame. I mean, come on - if you could turn it off, wouldn't you?

Alaric: You haven't.

Damon: (scoffs) Course I have, Ric. It's why I'm so fun to be around.

Damon: (slams Isobel down on the floor by her throat) Now that I have your attention, listen up. You do not come into my town, threaten people I care about. Going after Elena? Bad move. You leave her alone or I'll rip you to bits, because I do believe in killing the messenger. And you know why? Because it sends a message.(picks her head up and slams it back into the floor)

Isobel: Unh!

Damon: Katherine wants something from me, you tell that little bitch to come get it herself.

Bonnie: Are you sure this is what Isobel wants?

Elena: Yeah, I'm sure. Why?

Bonnie: This is a weapon. Against vampires.

Elena: Why are you doing this?

Isobel: I'm showing you how easy it is for me to hurt the ones you love.

Elena: And you're doing this just because of Jonathan Gilbert's invention?

Isobel: Hand it over, and it will all stop.

Elena: I told you, Damon is not going to give it to me.

Isobel: I think you underestimate how much Damon cares about you.

Elena: He'll kill you before he gives it up.

Isobel: Is that before or after I kill your brother, Jeremy?

Damon: I like being a living dead person

Damon: Are you even up for this? I mean, no offense, you're no Emily Bennett. Emily knew what she was doing.

Bonnie: I've been practicing.

Damon: It's not piano lessons, honey.

Isobel: Don't look for any redeeming qualities in me. I don't have any.

Elena: But you took a risk with Damon. How did you know that he was going to give the device to me?

Isobel: Because he's in love with you.

Elena: Thank you.

Isobel: For what?

Elena: For being such a monumental disappointment. It keeps the memory of my real mother perfectly intact.

Isobel: As long as you have a Salvatore on each arm, you're doomed.

Isobel: What did you expect? You spent all this time trying to track me down. What did you think you would find?

Alaric: The woman who gave me this. (raises his eternity ring) I mean, you act like you don't care - but you cared enough to protect me after you left.

Isobel: I was a different person back then.

Alaric: Right! And that person is gone. The woman I married, the woman I loved, she's just...she's gone.(throws the ring at her) You expect me to believe that? (throws his vervain on the floor)

Isobel: What are you doing?

Alaric: Well, I'm ring-free, I'm vervain-free. So either kill me or compel me, because I don't believe it. Not for a second.

Stefan: Well, I know that you and Elena have bonded, and I know that she cares about you, and...I know you care about her.

Damon: Well, this is going in an interesting direction.

Stefan: I'm just concerned about Elena being hurt. She considers you...a friend.

Damon: Same here. Elena is a very good friend. Actually, she might qualify as my only..."friend."

Stefan: So, at the risk of sounding like, uh...like a jealous boyfriend...

Damon: Oh, there's no risk. You do.

Stefan: History will not be repeating itself where Elena is concerned. Do you understand what I'm saying?

Damon: Sure, sure.

Damon: Am I the only one around here who has the ability to put two and two together? Isobel! Helloooo! She dated John when she was 15; she gets pregnant, and ends up in the doctor's office of John's brother. Now, what do you think John's role is in all this? I mean, go ahead and think about it, I'll wait. (pauses) Did you get it? You there yet?

Stefan: So you think that John is Elena's father?

Damon: Ding, ding, ding, ding!

Stefan: What proof do you have?

Damon: I don't need any proof - that's a DNA test for John, Elena, and Maury Povich to deal with. But I know how well you deal with these big "bombshells", so... Sleep tight.

Damon: I get it. I'm the better, hotter, superior choice and you're scared, now that Katherine is out of the picture, that I'm gonna turn all my attention to Elena.

Anna: It's my blood. If you die with it in your system, you'll come back.

Jeremy: Anna...

Anna: I know you, what it's like for you...being alone, always feeling empty inside, no one to understand. But when you're a vampire, you don't have to feel that way! You can shut it off. I can show you how.

Elena: I have enough problems with the family that I actually care about. Jeremy hates me - and why wouldn't he? My journal gave him every single reason to.

Stefan: He's just hurt, he's confused.

Elena: He's never going to forgive me for Vicki, for taking away his memories, for lying to him...

Bonnie: We both wanna protect the people we care about. This difference is, for you, Damon is one of them. You saw what I was able to do tonight. I know who I am now. And if Damon spills so much as one drop of innocent blood, I`ll take him down — even if I have to take you with him.

Damon: I saw her killed. I was watching and all I could think about was...I wanted to help her. But I couldn't.

Jeremy: Anna said that vampires don't have to feel pain; that they could turn it off if they shut out their humanity.

Damon: It's very true.

Jeremy: Is it easier that way?

Damon: Is what easier?

Jeremy: Life.

Damon: Life sucks either way, Jeremy. At least if you're a vampire, you don't have to feel bad about it if you don't want to.

Damon: You know, I came to this town wanting to destroy it. Tonight I found myself wanting to protect it. How does that happen? I'm not a hero, Elena. I don't do good. It's not...in me.

Katherine (pretending to be Elena): Maybe it is.

Damon: No. No, it's reserved for my brother, and you, and Bonnie... who, even though she has every reason to hate me, still helped Stefan save me.

Katherine: Why do you sound so surprised?

Damon: Because she did it for you. Which means that somewhere along the way, you decided that I was worth saving. I wanted to...thank you for that.

Katherine: You're welcome.

John: You know I first met Isobel when I was a teenager. I fell in love with her instantly, although I`m pretty sure she never loved me. She was special. Part of why I hate vampires so much is because of what she became. How it ruined her. And I never would`ve sent her to Damon had I known she wanted to turn. It`s my fault. I`m telling you this because I hope maybe you`d understand.

Stefan: She said she 'fooled one of us at least,' what does that mean?

Damon: She pretended to be Elena, too, when I showed up earlier that night.

Elena: I told Jeremy. I can't lie to him anymore.

Stefan: You alright?

Elena: No, I'm not alright. I thought with all the tomb vampires gone things would get better.

Stefan: I know. We all did.

Elena: Katherine was in this house. That means she's been invited in. What are we gonna do?

Damon: Move.

Elena: Very helpful. Thank you.

Damon: Katherine wants you dead, there’s zero you can do about it - you will be dead. But you're not! So clearly she has other plans.

Stefan: Right and we need to find out what those other plans are, and not provoke her in the process. What happened tonight when you thought she was Elena?

Damon: (winces) To risk another frown line encroaching on a very crowded forehead... We...kissed.

Elena: And you thought it was me?

Stefan: What do mean "you kissed"?

Damon: Well you know when two lips pucker and they go... (makes kissing noise)

Damon: I've got a better idea.

Elena: What's that?

Damon: I'm just gonna ignore the bitch. See ya'.

Elena: Is that smart?

Damon: If Katherine thinks she's being ignored, it'll lure her out. She'll make a move.

Stefan: Yeah? Then what?

Damon: Stake her...rip her head off...something poetic.

Elena: Hey. How are you doing?

Damon: Great, Elena. Walking on sunshine. Thanks for asking.

Elena: Damon...

Damon: Elena...

Elena: We should be able to talk about this, Damon, we're close enough now. I really want to know how you’re doing.

Damon: I kissed you, I thought you kissed me back. Doppelganger hijinx ensued. How do you think I’m doing?

Elena: I think that you’re hurt.

Damon: Mmm, no - I don’t get hurt, Elena.

Elena: No, you don't admit that you get hurt. You get angry and cover it up, and then you do something stupid.

Damon: You’re scared. You think Katherine's going to send me off the deep end, don't you? I don't need her for that. You know, why...why is it such a surprise that I would kiss you?

Elena: That’s not a surprise. I'm surprised that you thought I’d kiss you back.

Damon: ... Now I’m hurt.

Damon: Go ahead - make your threats, stake your claim...

Stefan: I'm not gonna fight you.

Damon: Why?! I'd fight me!

Damon: I kissed Elena.

Stefan: Because you feel something for her! Because you actually care. And I'm not gonna let Katherine come in here and destroy that part of you that is finally, after all of this time, willing to feel something. ...She'll try to break you. She'll try to break us. And how we respond to that will define us. It's our choice. So, no...I'm not gonna fight you.

Damon: I'm better at the enigmatic one-liners, Katherine. What are you up to?

Katherine: Trust me Damon, when I'm up to something, you'll know it. Come on. Kiss me. Or kill me. Which will it be, Damon? We both know you're only capable of one. (they kiss)

Damon: Okay, wait. Wait. Brief pause. I have a question. Answer it and it's back to fireworks and rockets red glare. Answer it right, and I'll forget the last 145 years I’ve spent missing you, I'll forget how much I loved you, I'll forget everything and we can start over. This can be our defining moment, because we have the time. That’s the beauty of eternity. I just need the truth, just once-

Katherine: Stop. I already know your question, and its answer. The truth is, I've never loved you. It was always Stefan.

Elena: Have you been drinking?

Damon: (makes gesture 'a little')

Elena: And you're upset. That's...not a good combination.

Damon: No, I'm not upset. Upset is an emotion specific to those who care.

Damon: That what we've been doing here means something? You’re the liar, Elena. There is something going on between the two of us and you know it. And you’re lying to me, and you’re lying to Stefan, and most of all your lying to yourself. I can prove it.

Elena: No-

Damon:(kisses her)

Elena: Damon don't. What’s wrong with you?

Damon: Lie about this. (tries to kiss her again)

Elena: Stop it. You're better than this, come on.

Damon: That’s where you're wrong.

Elena: No, no, no, Damon...I care about you. Listen to me, I care about you! I do. But I love Stefan. Its always gonna be Stefan.

Jeremy: Elena, what's going on in here?

Elena: (struggles out of Damon's grip) Nothing, Jeremy, it's okay. Just-- just go back to bed.

Damon: No, it's not okay, Elena. (looks from her to Jeremy) He wants to be a vampire. (in a blur, he grabs Jeremy by the neck and pins him against the wall)

Elena: No, Damon, stop it!

Damon (to Jeremy): You wanna shut out the pain? It's the easiest thing in the world! The part of you that cares, it just goes away. All you have to do is flip the switch and snap!(breaks Jeremy's neck)

Elena: (gasps) Damon! (sees Jeremy fall to the floor)NO!

Stefan: It's Katherine. She got under his skin and she undid everything that was good about him.

Elena: There's nothing good about him, Stefan, not anymore. He's decided what he wants. He doesn't want to feel, he wants to be hated - it's just easier that way. He got his wish. (sobs) I hate him, Stefan.

Jeremy: (gasping) He killed me. Damon killed me!

Katherine: My name is Katherine. I was hoping you could give the Salvatore brothers a message for me.

Damon: I like this. You, walking on eggshells around me because you think I'm gonna explode. It's very suspenseful.

Stefan (about Katherine): We have no idea what she's up to.

Damon: (scoffs) Sure we do! She came back to profess her undying, eternal love for you. So I'mma let you deal with her, 'cause I have more important things to do - like explode.

Damon: Jeremy, so good to see you alive.

Jeremy: Aren't you a little old for a high school carnival?

Damon: 150 years too old.

Jeremy: Your pretty funny - cracking jokes when I could, I dunno, blow the whole lid off this thing by telling someone what you really are.

Damon: So...please tell me that that is not a threat

Jeremy: Maybe it is. (looks at his ring)

Damon: Okay. (grabs Jeremy in a chokehold) This is what we're not going to do. We’re not going to walk around like we're invincible, when it is this easy for me to end you. If you wanna tell people what I really am, go ahead and try. I will shove this ring so far up your ass, you'll really have something to choke on. (throws ring at Jeremy)

Stefan: Huh. You're lurking...

Damon: I'm observing.

Stefan: More like obsessing...

Damon: Is he...?

Stefan: No. It wasn't that kind of strength. It was more than human, if that makes any sense.

Damon: What is up with that family? They're not vampires, what the hell are they?

Stefan: Ooo! Uh, maybe they're ninja turtles?

Damon: You're not funny.

Stefan: Or no, zombies. Werewolves.

Damon: No comedic timing at all.

Stefan: What? What are you up to?

Damon: Since this is reality, and there's no such thing as werewolves or combat turtles-

Stefan: I said ninja turtles.

Damon: Hey! You!

Carter: Uh, I have a name...

Damon: Yeah, I don't care.

Caroline (to Damon): You suck.

Damon: I know I'm the last person you wanna see right now, but I need you to come with me.

Stefan: When you feel the blood rush in, you tell yourself that you're gonna get through it; that you're strong enough. Yes, yes - no matter how good it feels to give yourself over to it, you fight it off. You bury it.

Jeremy: My father hated vampires. My uncle, too. They were absolute; they knew exactly what they stood for. I figure maybe I should, too. I mean, stand for something. But killing you - what's that gonna do?

Damon: Look, I don't do the big brother thing very well. Sorry I don't have any milk and cookies to offer you.

Jeremy: (gets up to leave) Dick.

Damon: Wait. (Jeremy stops) ...My father hated vampires, too. For the same reason yours did. Only it was 1864; people knew how to whittle. (looks at the stake) Did you do this?

Jeremy: Yeah, it's-- it's harder than it looks.

Damon: Hmm.

Elena: Stefan, what are we doing here? We're going to get caught.

Stefan: Well I compelled the guard to go on a break so I can kiss my girlfriend on top of the Ferris wheel.

Elena: Stefan...

Stefan: We have to take these moments, Elena. Alright? What Katherine did to Caroline could just be the beginning, and then there’s things about Tyler’s family that we don't even understand yet, and there’s always the D-word. But I came back to this town to start a life with you. We can’t forget to live it.

Damon: Thanks for coming, Ric. Can I get you anything to drink? Coffee? Bourbon? Bourbon in your coffee?

Damon: If this wolf man thing is true, I’ve seen enough movies to know it's not good. It means Mason Lockwood is a real life Lon Chaney and that little Tyler punk very well may be a Lon Chaney Junior; which means Bela Lugosi, meaning me, is totally screwed.

Damon: Sorry you can't come too, Stef.

Stefan: (to Elena) Call me if you need anything, okay?

Damon: Oh I’ll take really good care of her.

Damon: How you doing back there? (Elena pouts silently) You know, this whole 'pretending to hate me' thing is getting a little silly.

Alaric: I don't think she’s pretending. You did kill her brother.

Damon: There is a huge astric next to that statement. He came back to life.

Stefan: See, I can't quite get that down. It just kind of...gets stuck in my throat.

Katherine: You know, it's the truth. Deep down inside that gorgeous body of yours is the Stefan that fell in love with me, too.

Elena: What do you want?

Damon: So this is where you spend your time when you're not stabbing people in the back.

Elena: I tricked you into telling me the truth. That's not stabbing you in the back. That's using your own tactics against you. (gets up to leave)

Damon: Where are you going?

Elena: I made myself clear, Damon. I want nothing to do with you.

Stefan: What do you know about werewolves?

Katherine: I know not to pet one.

Katherine: Why did you keep this picture? Why not burn it? Tear it up? You wanna know why I came back? Well, I have a better question. Why did you? Elena? No. You came back here to fall in love with me all over again, didn't you Stefan?

Jenna: I've no secrets. Only dirty shame.

Mason: We haven't met. Mason Lockwood.

Damon: Oh, sure, hey. Damon Salvatore.

Mason: I know. I've heard great things about you.

Damon: Really? That's weird. 'Cause I'm a dick.

(in 1864)

Stefan: I know we've only known each other for a short while. And I know I'm in competition for your affections. But... I've never met a woman quite like you. I look at you and I see an angel. I touch your skin... and my entire body ignites. I kiss you and I know that I'm falling in love. (kisses her) I am in love with you.

Katherine: Only after I showed you who I really was. You were so scared of me. I had to take away your fear.

Stefan: Well, whatever feelings I had back then...they've all turned to hate.

Katherine: Love, hate. Such a fine line. I can wait.

(playing Pictionary, Damon is drawing)

Jenna: Dress. Ballerina.

Caroline: Puppy! Puppy...puppy with a tutu?

Damon: No...

Jenna: Dog. Hound. Hound dog. You ain't nothing but a hound dog!

Mason: Dances with Wolves.

Damon: (stops drawing) Mason wins again.

Jenna: How is that a wolf?

Stefan: You knew that they were going to burn the vampires in the church?

Katherine: I practically lit the match back there.

Stefan: They were your friends. They were your family. You just sold them out?

Katherine: Without blinking.

Stefan: So you sent 26 of your friends to their death just to fake your own? No. You were running from something. What was it?

Katherine: Everyone has a past, Stefan. Mine needed to stay far, far away. But thanks to you, my plan nearly failed before it even began.

Once George told me that the roundup was imminent, I made sure I could see you one last time. But your father used your love for me against you. He poisoned your blood. We didn't have long. Then Damon, being Damon, nearly ruined everything.

Stefan: We came for you. We tried to save you.

Katherine: I didn't want to be saved.

Stefan: Then Damon and I died for nothing. For nothing!

Katherine: No, Stefan! You died for love!

Mason: Alaric, catch that game next week?

Alaric: Yeah. Looking forward to it.

Damon: Hey you know, I should probably head out, too. (to Jenna) Jenna, you are a wonderful hostess.

Jenna: And you are a terrible artist.

Damon: Is that the only thing that makes me terrible?

Jenna: Still deciding.

Damon: Good enough for me. (to Alaric) Alaric...let's not catch that game next week.

Mason(to Damon, after being stabbed by him) Now you made an enemy.

Stefan: So you going to tell me why you came back here? Or we're you just playing another game?

Katherine: Have you not heard a word that I've said? I've answered that question five times over, now.

Stefan: All right. Good. Make it six.

Katherine: I want what I want, Stefan. And I don't care what I have to do to get it. My list of victims is a long one, and I have no problem adding one more name to that list.

Stefan: Come on, Katherine. If you wanted Elena dead, you would have done it by now.

Katherine: I still can. If I have to, I will snap her neck like a twig. And you know it.

(pause)

I don't want you seeing Elena anymore. If you don't remove her from your life, I will kill everyone that she loves in her life while she watches,and then I will kill her while you watch.

(...)

I've missed you, Stefan. I just wanted to spend some quality time with you.

Tyler: Tell me how the curse is triggered.

Mason: If I tell you, you won't be able to think about anything else. I don't want that for you.

Tyler: I think I can handle knowing.

Mason: Yeah. You think you can handle it, tough guy? You have no idea!

Tyler: Do you want your stupid rock or not?!

Mason: Tell me where it is.

Tyler: Tell me what triggers the curse!

Mason: You have to kill somebody! Human blood! You take a person's life away from them, then the curse is yours forever. Can you handle that?

Tyler: But the girl’s got heart. She means well. Just gotta take the good with the bad sometimes.

Bonnie: What do you want?

Damon: A favor.

Bonnie: Like that’s going to happen.

Damon: So predictable. That’s why I brought him.

Stefan: I know how you feel about helping us out, but since you’re the one that linked Mason with Katherine, we finally have an opportunity to get an upper hand on both of them, so just hear us out.

Damon: Pretty please.

Bonnie: I’m listening.

Stefan: (looks at his phone) I have to fill Elena in on what’s going on. (To Damon) Can you play nice, please?

Damon: I guess.

Damon: Let’s talk about that little witchy ju-ju thing you do with me. You know, the fun one where my brain bursts into flames? What is that?

Bonnie: That’s me giving you an aneurysm. Your blood vessels go 'pop'. But you heal quickly, so I do it over and over again.

Damon: Is it vampire-specific?

Bonnie: It’d work on anyone with a supernatural healing ability.

Damon: Good. Good, good.

Bonnie: Damon. I’m not going to help you hurt him.

Damon: Mason Lockwood’s a werewolf. Katherine’s evil. They’re the bad guys. Really? You’re going to play morality police with me right now? Let me put it to you another way: they’re a threat to Elena. So you, witch, are going to get over yourself and help us.

Stefan: Yeah, he meant that as a question with a “please” on the end.

Damon: Absolutely.

Damon: Here, grab that corner.

Bonnie: Why? What are we doing?

Damon: I don't wanna stain the carpet.

Bonnie: I knew you were going to say something like that.

Damon: You're judging again.

Damon: (burns Mason with a hot iron) You can hurt. Good to know. I was afraid you were gonna be some beast master with no affinity for pain. (seeing Mason's wound healing) Oh, but you heal quickly. Not good. Guess I’ll just have to keep applying pain.

Damon: So where did you two meet? She seduced you, told you she loved you? You're supernatural so she can't compel you. I'm sure she used her other charms. Katherine's good that way.

Damon: What do you want with the moonstone?

Mason: Screw you.

Damon: ERRRRRR! Wrong Answer!

Mason: I'm getting it for Katherine.

Damon: Why?

Mason: She's going to use it to lift the curse.

Damon: Of the moon? Now, why would a vampire help a werewolf break a curse that keeps them from turning whenever they want?

Damon: You wanted to be a part of this? Well, here it is. Kill or be killed. The guy’s a werewolf - he’d kill me the first chance he got. So you suck it up, or leave. He wants me to kill him, anyway. Don’t you, Mason? It really is a curse, isn’t it? You know, I look at you and I see myself. A less dashing, less intelligent version.

Mason: I love her.

Damon: Oh, I know! I’ve been where you are. But Katherine will only rip your heart out. Let me do it for her.

Damon: I’ve had a very busy day today. Killed a werewolf, found a moonstone. Hey, did you know that he hid the moonstone at the bottom of a well full of vervain? Guess he didn’t trust you very much. He did love you, poor guy. Hey, where are you? ’Cause, you know, I could bring him over. Last good-byes and all that.

Katherine: You've no idea what you’ve just done.

Damon: Aww, did I put a kink in your master plan? I’m so sorry.

Katherine: Do you honestly believe that I don’t have a plan B? And if that fails, a plan C, and then a plan D, and... you know how the alphabet works, don’t you? Send my love to Stefan.

Stefan: I'm so sorry.

Elena: We were so stupid. Sneaking around, thinking that we weren't going to get caught.

Stefan: I know.

Elena: We did this... Jenna's in the hospital, and Jeremy could be next. All because we didn't listen to her. Because we're together. Stefan...

Stefan: I know what you’re going to say.

Elena: Then let me say it. I’ve been so selfish because I love you so much. And I know how much you love me. But it’s over, Stefan, it has to be.

Katherine: I couldn't miss it. You really are hot in a suit. I'd love to just...

Katherine (to Matt): God, you're hot. Now go away.

Stefan: Are you sure you can do this?

Damon: Who are you talking to?

Stefan: I had the chance to kill her and I hesitated.

Damon: Well, that is the fork in the road between me and you, my friend. I don't hesitate.

Katherine: Dance with me.

Stefan: No.

Katherine: Fine. You tell me who I should kill. Him? She looks delicious.

Jeremy: So, can you like do a hocus-pocus to ace a test?

Bonnie: I don't know that spell.

Jeremy: That'd be like the first one I'd learn.

Stefan: Hello, Katherine.

Caroline: Goodbye, Katherine.

Katherine: You think you two are the only ones with a witch on your side? Wrong. And something tells me that my witch is better than your witch.

Katherine: The three of us together, just like old times. The brother that loved me too much and the one that didn't love me enough.

Damon: And the evil slut vampire that only loved herself.

Katherine: What happened to you, Damon? You used to be so sweet and polite.

Damon: Oh, that Damon died long time ago.

Katherine: Good. He was a bore.

Damon: Sorry about your pet wolf. You should have kept him on a tighter leash.

Katherine: I'll have one of those.

Damon: (in a mocking tone) Right away, Miss Katherine.

Katherine: Good for you, Stefan, 2+2..And it would have worked, except that people found out that I wasn't in the tomb. Thanks to you. (turning to Damon) By the way, have I mentioned how inconvenient your obsession with me has been?

Damon: You and me both, honey.

Damon: Hello Katherine.

Katherine: Where am I?

Damon: Where you should have been all along. I thought you would have learned your lesson by now about messing with a Bennett witch.

Caroline: That werewolf road leads straight to vampire boulevard! I thought I was thinking fast on my feet.

Damon: If you want to drop the hint to your mom that Aimee's body is at the bottom of a ravine with a cracked spine, might save your mom some time.

Rose: I know who you are. I said be quiet.

Elena: What do you want?

Rose: (slaps her) I want you to be quiet, Elena.

Stefan: This has Katherine written all over it.

Damon: Katherine's in the tomb. Trust me. I'm the one that shut her in.

Stefan: Did you?

Damon: Did I what, Stefan?

Stefan: Well I know the hold Katherine has on you.

Damon: She's in the tomb. Period. End of story.

Stefan: We have to talk to her.

Damon: No, no. Let me tell you how that's gonna go. We're gonna go ask for her help, she's gonna negotiate her release, which we're gonna be dumb enough to give her and then she's gonna get out and kill us. That's exactly what she wants.

Stefan: I don't really care.

Damon: It's a bad idea, Stefan.

Stefan: It's Elena.

Jeremy: You can't just do this alone!

Damon: He's not. Let's go.

Stefan: You're coming?

Damon: It's Elena.

Damon: Can we not do the whole road trip bonding thing? The cliché of it all makes me itch.

Damon: The elephant in the room lets out a mighty roar.

Stefan: Well, it doesn't have to be an elephant. Let's talk about it.

Damon: There's nothing to talk about.

Stefan: That's not true, sure there is. Let's get it out. I mean, are you in this car because you want to help your little brother save the girl that he loves or is it-- is it because you love her, too?

Damon: Keep it up, Stefan. I can step out of helping as easily as I stepped in.

Stefan: Nope. See, that's the beauty of it. You can't.

Jeremy: When I'm worn down, I take a nap. You were unconscious.

Damon: Elena know you've been drinking blood?

Stefan: I've been drinking hers.

Damon: Hmm. How romantic.

Damon: Since we’re road trip bonding, remember the days when all you lived for was blood? You were the guy who’d rip someone apart for the fun of it.

Stefan: You mean when I was more like you?

Damon: Yes, Stefan. Exactly! Back when you put blood into me so I could be a big, bad vampire. I wonder if Elena would be so quick to open her veins to that guy. By the way, what happened to that guy? He was a hoot.

Stefan: (on saving Elena) I can't think of a better reason to die.

Elijah: Excuse me. To whom it may concern; you're making a big mistake if you think that you can beat me. You can't. You hear that? I repeat: you cannot beat me. So I want the girl, on the count of three, or heads will roll. Are we clear on this now?

Stefan: I'm sorry.

Damon: About what?

Stefan: For being the guy that made you turn 145 years ago.

Damon: Enough, Stef. It's late. No need to rehash that.

Stefan: Well, you know what, I've never said it out loud. I guess I just need to say it and you need to hear it. I'm sorry. What I did was selfish. I didn't wanna be alone. Guess I just needed my brother.

Damon: I just...have to say something.

Elena: Why do you have to say it with my necklace?

Damon: Because what I’m about to say is...probably the most selfish thing I’ve ever said in my life.

Elena: Damon, don’t go there...

Damon: I just have to say it once - you just need to hear it. (deep breath) I love you, Elena. And it’s because I love you that...I can’t be selfish with you. And why you can't do this. I don’t deserve you. But my brother does. (kisses her forehead; pulls back to look at her face) God, I wish you didn't have to forget this. But you do.

Damon: Yes, Elena. I find hilarity in the lengths that I have to go to to repeatedly save your life.

Elena: What does Stefan say about this?

Damon: We had a good laugh.

Damon: Well, "A", he can't do anything about it, and "B"...what I just said.

Elena: Hold on a second - tonight's the full moon?

Damon: Yep. But you're too absorbed with all your suicidal tendencies to notice.

Damon(to Elena): Hey, you know, you should get out - enjoy the sun. (whispers) Oh, wait - you can't.

Alaric: Where is Mason, anyway?

Damon: Decomposing in his truck.

Stefan (to Katherine): The pleasure I'll get of watching you suffer is greater than any pain I'll ever feel.

Elena: You're trying to use me. To draw him out.

Elijah: Well, to do that, I need you to stay put and stop trying to get yourself killed.

Elijah: Do nothing. Do nothing, live your life; stop fighting. And then, when the time is right, you and I shall draw Klaus out together and I shall make certain that your friends remain unharmed.

Elena: And then what?

Elijah: Then I kill him.

Elena: Just like that?

Elijah: Just like that.

Elijah: I'm a man of my word, Elena. I make a deal, I keep a deal.

Jules (to Damon): Are you threatening me? (scoffs) On a full moon. How stupid are you?

Damon: You think I'm afraid of you?

Jules: No, I don't. That's your vampire arrogance - you should be. I sniffed you out the moment you entered this bar, along with your pathetic wolfsbane. See, I've been at this a long time, and any other night of the month, the situation would be reversed. But tonight? Is not the night to pick a fight with me. You've been marked.

Damon: Where is she?

Alaric: Just let it go, Damon. Don't be stupid.

Damon: What, I'm supposed to let her just get away? I've been "marked"... What the hell kind of wolf...pronoun...crap is that, anyway?

Alaric: Damon, look up. Just look up! (points to the full moon) If this werewolf stuff is true, one bite, and you're dead. One bite, alright? Don't risk it.

Rose: I'm sorry about Elena. I wasn't thinking straight - I didn't know that she had a death wish.

Katherine: Are we seriously not going to talk at all?

Stefan: Well, we could talk about how you regret all you've done to make my life miserable...

Katherine: Yes, I've done terrible things. I know that. But I do love you, Stefan. Even if you don't believe it.

Elijah: Good evening, Katerina. Thank you for having the good sense to be frightened. (to Stefan) Your release has been requested.

Stefan: What? By who?

Elijah: The lovely Elena drives a hard bargain. However, we reached a peaceful agreement, she and I. Please, come.

Elijah: As for you, however... You shall not exit until I say so. When Klaus comes he'll want to know exactly where you are. (to Stefan) You're free to go. Elena will explain the arrangement to you. If she keeps her word, I'll keep mine.

Damon: I've been dead before. I got over it.

Rose:So, I'm gonna help you.

Damon: Help me do what?

Rose: Save Elena. Protect Elena. All things Elena.

Damon: You sure you can do that?

Rose: I don't love men that love other women. I think more of myself than that.

Elena: There you go, pretending to turn it off; pretending not to feel. Damon, you're so close, don't give up!

Damon: I feel, Elena! And it sucks.

Jules: This town is crawling with vampires. But don't worry, we'll get them.

Tyler: Who are you?

Jules: I'm your friend. There are others like us, and they're on their way.

Damon: I'm...lost.

Jessica: And you're laying in the middle of the road?

Damon: Not that kind of lost. Metaphorically...existentially...

Jessica: Do you need help?

Damon: Well, yes, I do. Can you help me?

Damon: Don't move.

Jessica: I don't want any trouble!

Damon: Neither do I! But it's all I got, is trouble.

Jessica: ...Why can't I move?

Damon: What's your name?

Jessica: Jessica.

Damon: Hi, Jessica. I have a secret. I have a big one. And I never said it out loud! I mean, what’s the point? It’s not gonna change anything, it’s not gonna make me good; make me an adopt a puppy... (pause) I can’t be what other people want me to be; what she wants me to be. This is who I am, Jessica.

Jessica: Are you gonna hurt me?

Damon: I'm not sure. Because you...are my existential crisis. Do I kill you? Or do I not kill you?

Jessica: (sobbing) Please don't.

Damon: But I have to, Jessica. Because I'm not human. And I miss it. I miss it more than anything in the world!That is my secret.

Stefan: I went to go look for Isobel, and I get John instead. He said he can help us, and we're desperate.

Damon: We're not that desperate, Stefan. The guy tried to barbecue me!

Damon: Great work, Stefan. Top notch. As if I didn't have enough problems.

Stefan: Hey. I'm sorry about Rose.

Damon: Whatever. I knew the woman for five minutes.

Stefan: And you cared about her, after five minutes. I wonder what that means?

Damon: (scoffs) It means I care, Stefan. It means I'm changing - evolving into a man capable of greatness...

Damon (to Stefan): Better watch your back. Because I may just have to go get a hero hairdo of my own, and steal your thunder.

Jules (to Tyler): We live by a code of loyalty. We take care of each other. It's my duty and honor to help you. Please let me.

Damon: I'm not gonna hurt him, Elena. I'm a good guy now, remember?

Jules: I want the boy more than I want vengeance.

Brady: Let's get both.

Bonnie: Spare me the witch loyalty crap.

Jenna (to Alaric): So Elena is my sister's husband's brother's daughter, and her mother is my boyfriend's deceased wife. You can't make that stuff up.

Elena: Please don't do anything stupid.

Damon: Yeah, but stupid's so much more fun!

Elena: Damon, I mean it! All I'm asking is that you try to keep it together. Be the better man.

Damon: ...Okay, then.

Tyler: I thought vampires hated werewolves.

Stefan: That's some sort of leftover idea from another time; it doesn't have to be that way anymore. We go to the same school, have the same friends, we keep the same secrets. This can work, Tyler. I mean, it's your home, it's my home, too. I want this to work.

Stefan: Dammit, Tyler, I'm trying to save your life. Can't you see that?

John: You guys are drinking vervain?

Damon: It's an acquired taste. I don't see that magical ring on your stitched finger, so if you know something about Klaus, you better start talking, or I will kill you in your sleep.

Brady: I see you got the bullet out. That was...nasty. I've got lots of wooden bullets; other toys. It's gonna be a long night, sweet pea.

Damon: Assuming that I'll play the good guy because it's you who's asking.

Damon: Do you mind?

John: What's going on?

Elena: Nothing.

John: It doesn't look like nothing.

Damon: Well, guess what, John? Trust works both ways. Get out.

Caroline: Why are you doing this to me?

Brady: You're a vampire. Why not?

Elena (to John): You may be my father, but I am never gonna be your daughter.

Damon (to Jules and Brady): Since Stefan got here earlier, I'll let him try it his way before I try it my way...which is a little bloodier.

Tyler: I didn't know what to do.

Caroline: You help your friend. That's what you do.

Tyler: I'm sorry.

Caroline: No. It's too late, because we are not friends anymore, and what happened to me tonight? That will never happen again. So you take that back to your little werewolf pack and you get the hell out of my house.

Elena (to Caroline): We're gonna slumber it.

Andie: What do you want, Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome?

Damon: I'm not that tall.

Andie: Why do you kill people?

Damon: Because I like it. It's in my nature. It's who I am. But then I have to stay together here, to protect her, and she wants me to be a better man, which means I can't be who I am. Do you see the problem I am having, Andie?

Andie: Or maybe this is who you are now. Love does that, Damon. It changes us.

Damon: Yes, I've become you. How tragic for both of us. Gotta run. Have a murder to plan. Busy day.

Journal entry: I saw the vampire who killed me. I recognized him. It was Stefan Salvatore.

Elijah: If you so as much make a move to cross me, I'll kill you and kill everyone in this house.

Stefan: Who wants to die next?

Elena: It sounds like you were like Damon.

Stefan: I was worse.

Damon: You sound about jealous. Does he sound about jealous?

Andie: You kind of do.

Damon: You get anything out of Elijah?

Alaric: No, it was boring. Of course, Jenna thinks he's charming.

Damon: Guess who's coming to dinner?

Andie: Whats that?

Damon: Dessert.

Alaric: Now get rid of him before Jenna comes back with dessert.

Damon: So, let me guess... in addition to the moonstone, the doppelganger...the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe...you need to find this witch burial ground?

Katherine: Hello, Damon. Hey, do you have a robe?

Damon: How did you get out of there?

Katherine: I knew that if I begged you not to kill Elijah that's exactly what you'd do. Need a little fact? The Originals can compel other vampires, but, as soon as they die, the compulsion wears off...

Damon: And you knew that

Katherine: Yes, and I'm still here. I'm gonna help you. So, do you have that robe?

Damon: The part about you having a 50-50 shot of surviving? Is that true?

Bonnie: He [Jeremy] was upset. I didn't want him to worry.

Damon: So you lay it all out on the line for Elena, no matter what.

Bonnie: No matter what. You can't tell her.

Damon: Your secret's safe with me. But, I mean, with all that power, is there no way to increase your odds?

Bonnie: Careful, Damon. I might start to think you actually care.

Damon: We wouldn't want that

Damon: You see, that's why I didn't tell you. Cause you would have never been able to do it. Don't get me wrong, Stefan. I don't mind being a bad guy. I'll make all the life and death decisions, while you're busy worrying about collateral damage. I'll even let her hate me for it. But at the end of the day, I'll be the one to keep her alive.

Damon (to Elena): Let me be clear about something, alright? If it comes down to you and the witch again, I will gladly let Bonnie die. I will always...choose...you.

Elijah: It's a common mistake, I'm told. And it's one I won't make again.

Elijah: I need some air. I'm still feeling a tad... dead. Come.

Katherine: Where is he going?

Klaus (in Alaric's body): To retrieve me. So I can get out of this bad hair-do.

Elijah:I think the term you're looking for is...OMG.

Elijah:The curse of the sun and the moon is fake.

Damon:Thought you might be dead.

Katherine: Unfortunately not.

(in a flashback)

Katerina: Thank you for entertaining me.

Elijah: Oh, you looked lonely inside, so I took pity on you.

Katerina: Klaus promised to spend the day with me, but he never returned home from the night.

Elijah: Klaus does not live by any rules but his own.

Katerina: He is a very charming man. Hard for any women to resist I suppose.

Elijah: And yet...

Katerina: I know not why he called me. He seems to not care about me at all.

Elijah: Many a union has been built on much less.

Katerina: Is it wrong to want more?

Elijah: Do you have more with Trevor?

Katerina: Trevor believes that he loves me but...true love is not real unless it is returned. Do you agree?

Elijah: I do not believe in love, Katerina.

Katerina: That is too sad for me to accept, my lord. Life is too cruel. If we cease to believe in love, why would we want to live?

Damon: You should be thankful she’s here. She’s keeping me from going for what I really want.

Stefan: You’re right. Thank you for being in love with my girlfriend.

Stefan: (about Elijah) If anyone can get him to help us kill Klaus, it's her.

Damon: Bonnie's the way to kill Klaus, Stefan. He thinks she's dead. We have a chance with her.

Stefan: She'll kill herself in the process. Elena's looking for another way.

Damon: Her way's going to get her killed. So we need to find her and stop her.

Katherine: What are you doing here?

Andie: (walking into the apartment) We're here to rescue you.

Damon: No, sweetie. We are here to see if she deserves to be rescued.

Andie: Right.

Damon: I figured you still might be kicking. Alaric-Klaus was blending way too easily. Figured he probably had some coaching.

Elijah: Klaus and I faked the Sun and Moon curse dating back over a thousand years.

Elena: (prompting) But if there's no curse...

Elijah: There's a curse. Just not that one. The real one's much worse. It's a curse placed on Klaus.

Elena: What are you talking about?

Elijah: Klaus has been trying to break it for the last thousand years.

Jenna: When I was little, you mom used to tell me bedtime stories. Stories about vampires. I never thought that what she said could be true.

Elena: It is true, Jenna. I should have told you. I thought that if you didn't know, you'd be safe. But then things got so out of control and everything I had done to keep you out of it, it just blew up in my face.

Elijah: Tell Elena I'll be back before nightfall. We'll proceed as planned.

Damon: We both know that elixir wouldn't have worked, anyway.

Elijah: The problem, Damon...you talk a good game, but you don't actually "know" anything. She'll never forgive you. And 'never' for a vampire...it's a very long time.

Damon: I screwed up.

Alaric: Yeah. Yeah, you did.

Damon: Any reason you stopped by to say HI?

Klaus: I'm told you and your brother fancy my doppelganger. Just thought I'd remind you not to do anything you'll regret.

Damon: Ha! Thanks for the advice. I don't suppose I could talk you into a postponement, by any chance, huh?

Klaus: You're kidding? (looks to Alaric) He's kidding right?

Alaric: No, not really.

Damon: I mean, come on, what's one month in the whole grand scheme of things?

Klaus: Let me be clear... I have my vampire. I have my werewolf. I have everything I need. The ritual will happen tonight. So if you want to live to see tomorrow, don't screw it up.

Damon: You think if I took his werewolf out of the equation, she might..."get over" the fact that I tried to turn her into a vampire?

Elena: We are climbing all the way up to the top?

Stefan: Oh yeah.

Elena: Well can’t you do one of super power vampire jumpy things.

Stefan: No, it’s your last day as a human, why cheat now?

Stefan: Look, I know this isn’t the first time you've thought about it, drinking vampire blood to survive, and I know I've thought about it a hundred times.

Elena: And before all this with Klaus? Do you think about it then?

Stefan: Of course I did. Look, if it were my choice, I would want to be with you forever.

Elena: Why have you never brought it up?

Stefan: Because I knew if it was an option you would have. It’s selfish for me to ask you.

Elena: Didn’t stop Damon.

Stefan: He shouldn’t of done what he did. He did it because he loves you.

Elena: But he did this to me, Stefan. Which means he doesn’t really know what love is and, to be honest, I don’t know if I do. I’m seventeen years old. How do I know any of this yet? I know that I love you, Stefan. I know that but my future, our lives together, those were things I was supposed to do as they came along. I was supposed to grow up, decide if I wanna have kids and start a family, grow old, and I was supposed to have a lifetime of those choices. Now that’s all gone.

Stefan: It’s okay to say it. Please.

Elena: (sobbing) I don’t want to be a vampire, Stefan. I never wanted to be one.

Elena: (about Damon and her part in the sacrifice) You'd think he'd understand why I'm willing to do this.

Elijah: Why are you?

Elena: I'm the key to breaking the curse. Klaus is here because of me. If I don't stop him, then he's going to hurt people. It's that simple.

Elijah: You know, there's a possibility this elixir won't work. I don't want to mislead you.

Elena: I know the chance I'm taking.

Alaric: You're going to screw it up, aren't you?

Damon: You think if I took his werewolf out of the equation, she might... Get over the fact that I tried to turn her into a vampire?

Alaric: I think it won't matter because you'll be dead.

Damon: But without the werewolf, he can't perform the ritual tonight, which means I would have bought her one month before the next full moon.

Alaric: And you'll still be dead.

Caroline: (as she awakes, chained to a wall in the tomb) Tyler?

Tyler: You all right?

Caroline: Yeah... I think so.

Tyler: (as she tries to break the chains) I already tried.

Caroline: Those witches vervained me.

Tyler: Who were they?

Caroline: I think they're with Klaus

Elena: What's the best part about being a vampire?

Stefan: You feel like you could do anything. Be anyone. Beautiful things are more beautiful. Everything's heightened, you just live more intensely, love more powerfully.

Damon: Us ending up on good terms is not exactly on my bucket list, Katherine.

Katherine: Klaus made me call Jenna to lure her out. There was nothing I could do. I didn't have a choice.

Damon: That's why I gave you the vervain. So you had a choice.

Katherine: It was her or me. I chose her.

Damon: I helped you. You owed me. Now when Klaus dies you're going to walk out of here without a scratch and Elena's aunt dies. Somehow you're the only one that wins. How'd that happen?

Katherine: I didn't let love get in the way.

Damon: Enjoy an eternity alone, Katherine.

Elena: Witches are supposed to maintain the balance of nature. It's your duty to them. To keep this curse sealed.

Greta: My duty is to Klaus. A new order.

Klaus: Glad to know I still have a dance partner.

Damon (to Elena's lifeless body): If you come back a vampire, I'll stake you myself. (sets her down) Also...I can’t stand the idea of you hating me forever.

Jeremy: How is she?

Damon: I don't know yet.

Alaric: And Jenna?

Damon: (shakes his head)

Alaric: No...

Damon: I'm sorry, Jeremy.

(Elena gasps, coming back to life)

Elena: (gasping)Damon...?

Damon: How do you feel?

Elena: (slowly nods) I feel fine...

(Damon breathes huge sigh of relief)

Tyler: You were right. I shouldn't have come home.

Caroline: No, you just...should have never left. And you shouldn't leave again.

Tyler: You're kidding, right? This is the second time I've tried to kill you.

Caroline: Well, no friendship is perfect.

John: (voiceover) Elena. It's no easy task being an ordinary parent to an extraordinary child. I failed in that task. And because of my prejudices, I failed you. I'm haunted by how things might have played out differently if I'd been more willing to hear your side of things. For me, it's the end. For you, a chance to grow old and someday do better with your own child than I did with mine. It's for that child that I give you my ring. I don't ask for your forgiveness or for you to forget. I ask only that you believe this. Whether you are now reading this as a human or as a vampire, I love you all the same. As I've always loved you, and always will.

John.

Damon (to Stefan): You wanna do something for me? Don't tell Elena about this. The last thing she needs is another grave to mourn.

Damon: Oh sure you do. Let’s not forget, I turned your wife into a vampire. You must really hate me for that one.

Alaric: OK, give me your glass. Neither one of us is drunk enough for this conversation.

Damon: (grabs Alaric by the throat) Kill me. Please.

Alaric: Screw you.(stabs him with vervain dart)

Damon: No... (falls over) Elena?

Alaric: Elena's not here, Damon.

Klaus: I heard about this one vampire, crazy bloke, always on-and-off the wagon for decades. When he was off, he was magnificent. 1917 he went into Monterrey and wiped out an entire migrant village. True ripper. Sound familiar?

Stefan: I haven’t been that way in a very long time.

Klaus: Well, that’s the vampire I can make a deal with. That is the kind of talent that I can use when I leave this town.

Stefan: Your blood is the cure.

Klaus: Gotta love Mother Nature.

Caroline: That was Bonnie. Jeremy's alive.

Sheriff Forbes: (relieved and crying) I thought I'd killed him.

Caroline: You did.

Sheriff Forbes: I don't understand.

Caroline: I explained it to you once but I had to make you forget because I was so scared about what you might do. But now, I don't want to lie. I'm not going to be afraid of you anymore. (Taking her mother's hand) And I don't want you to be afraid of me anymore. (crying, she hugs her mother) I'm still your little girl. It's me. It's me.

(crying, Sheriff Forbes returns her embrace)

Bonnie (to Jeremy): You were dead. It would be weird if you felt normal.

Damon: (coughs) Elena...

Elena: It's ok, Damon. I'm right here.

Damon: Elena, get out of here. I could hurt you.

Elena: No. You won't. I'm here until the very end, I'm not leaving you.

Damon (about Katherine): All those years I blamed Stefan. But no one forced me to love her. It was my own choice. I made the wrong choice. Tell Stefan I’m sorry.

Klaus: (to Stefan) You can either remain here living your life in Mystic Falls or you can embrace what you truly are - leave town with me and save your brother’s life.

Damon: This is even more pitiful than I thought.

Elena: There's still hope.

Damon: I’ve made a lot of choices that have gotten me here. I deserve this. I deserve to die.

Elena: No... You don't.

Damon: I do, Elena. It's okay. Because if I’d have chosen differently, I wouldn't have met you. I’m so sorry. I’ve done so many things to hurt you.

Elena: It's okay. I forgive you.

Damon: I know you love Stefan. And it will always be Stefan. But I love you. You should know that.

Elena: (nods) I do.

Damon: You should have met me in 1864. I think you would have liked me.

Elena: I like you now. Just the way you are.

Katherine (to Elena, about Stefan): He just sacrificed everything to save his brother, including you. It's a good thing you have Damon to keep you company. Goodbye, Elena.

Elena: Hey, I was gonna- (turns, sees Damon naked) OH! (quickly turns back around) You heard me! You knew that I was here.

Damon: Hey, you should learn to knock.﻿ What if I was... indecent?

Elena: Sheriff Forbes gave us another location to check. Memphis.

Damon: Another dead-end, you mean.

Elena: You don't know that.

Damon: You're right, Elena. This could be the one. After almost two months, this could be the clue that tells us Stefan is alive and well and living in Graceland.

Alaric: (sees bloody corpses) Ugh. Vampire, for sure.

Damon: Stefan, for sure.

Alaric: How do you know.

Damon: It's his signature; there's a reason they call him "the ripper." Feeds so hard he blacks out and rips them apart, but then when he's done, he feels remorse. It's the damndest thing - he puts the bodies back together.

Alaric: "Back together"?

Tyler (to Elena, about Damon): But you kissed him. Probably screwed with his head.

Stefan: My brother still on our trail?

Klaus: He's getting closer, I'm gonna have to deal with that.

Stefan: No, no no. Let me handle that.

Klaus: Why should I let you leave?

Stefan: Cause you know I'll come back.

Klaus: Do I?

Stefan: You saved my brother's life, I'm at you're service.

Klaus: Aah, you all sound so tedious, aren't you even having the least bit of fun?

Stefan: I'll make sure that my brother doesn't bother us any more.

Elena: Don't worry, I'm not gonna lose it. At least not before the cake.

Damon: (shrugs) It's your party. You can cry if you want to.

Damon: (stops two girls carrying a liquor bottle) Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey. (points to the bottle) You don't want that. You want the cheap, young stuff over by the cheap, young people.

Alaric: I am every parent's worst nightmare. I am the chaperone teacher from hell.

Elena: You're not a lost cause, Ric! You're just...lost. But so is Jeremy. And so am I. Our family is gone. We don't have anybody and, I'm sorry, but you don't have anybody either, so... We're kind of good for each other.

Elena: Damon? Are you okay? Did you...?

Damon: Fine, bite-free. Get back in the car, please.

Elena: Can you just give me a minute to appreciate that you're not dead?

Damon: I'll give you ten seconds. Nine...eight... (begins pushing her towards the car) Hey, Ric, did you happen to see where I parked my car?

Jeremy: You know, I don't remember her dying. I don't know if Caroline told you that when she told you everything.

Matt: Nah, she didn't.

Jeremy: Elena made them take that memory away from me - thought I "couldn't handle it." So whatever my last moment was with her...I don't have it.

Matt: I don't, either. I don't remember the last moment I had with Vicki before she was a vampire. When she was still my sister.

Anna (as a ghost): Jeremy. Don't trust Vicki.

Klaus: You look like hell.

Stefan: Last I checked, I'm dying.

Klaus (to Stefan): We're leaving. It appears...you're the only comrade I have left.

Elena: (finds Damon in her bedroom) Seriously?

Damon: I was wrong.

Elena: ...Are you drunk?

Damon: No. ...I thought Stefan was gone, but I was wrong.

Elena: You saw him out there? Damon, is he okay?

Damon: No, he's not okay, Elena. He's an insufferable martyr who needs his ass kicked. But he can be saved.

Elena: What happened out there? What changed your mind?

Damon: I changed my mind because, even in his darkest place, my brother still can't let me die. So I figure I owe him the same in return. I'll help you bring him back.

Damon: You had a bag full of weapons and a teacher with an eternity ring. You could've kept going.

Elena: It was too dangerous.

Damon: It was too dangerous going out there to begin with, so what was it?

Elena: Why are you being like this?

Damon: What changed your mind, Elena?

Elena: I didn't want to see you get hurt, okay?! I was...I was worried about you.

Damon: Thanks. (starts to leave)

Elena: (sighs) Yes, I worry about you. Why do you even have to hear me say it?

Damon: (stops) Because when I drag my brother from the edge and deliver him back to you, I want you to remember the things you felt while he was gone.

Rebekah: Sorry to crash the fun boys, but some of us actually came here to hear the music, not you.

Stefan: I’m so sorry sweetheart, are we offending you?

Rebekah: It takes a lot more than a baby face like this to offend me.

Stefan: Hey, are you even gonna tell me your name?

Rebekah: Sure, when you earn it.

Gloria: You got to be kidding me.

Klaus: So a hybrid walks into a bar, says to the bartender...

Gloria: Stop. You may be invincible, but that doesn't make you funny.

Elena: Stefan could have lived anywhere in Chicago, and he chose this?

Damon: There used to be an all-girls high school around the corner, but it shut down for attendance issues. Weird.

Damon: Here we are. Stefan's second personality home.

(Damon opens a hidden cabinet)

Elena: Stefan hid his alcohol. What a monster.

Damon: Look harder.

Elena: (sees huge list on the wall) It's a list of names.

Damon: Mm-hmm.

Elena: These are all of his victims?

Damon: Still handling it?

Elena: What were you doing in the 1920s? Paving the way for women's liberation?

Damon: I was around. Chicago's a big city. Stefan was a cocky ripper douche, but I could avoid him and still indulge in a few Daisy Buchanans of my own.

Gloria: Well, look what the wind blew in. Last I heard, you hated this place.

Damon: Gloria. Damn! If I knew you were gonna age like this, I would have stuck around.

Gloria: I always did like you better.

Gloria: I don't think so. You may be cute, but you're still a vampire.

Elena: I told you I was practically discovered by Klaus, and you're worried about what I'm wearing?

Damon: I had an hour to realize what a bad idea it was to leave you here alone, process it, and move on. (pauses) Are you okay?

Elena: Yeah.

Damon: Ok, good. Get dressed. You're all road-trippy and gross.

Caroline: Why are you trying to fix me?

Bill: So I don't have to kill you!

Stefan: So, I'm confused. If we were such great friends, then why do I only know you as the hybrid dick who sacrificed my girlfriend on an altar of fire?

Stefan: What is wrong with you?!

Damon: What is wrong with you? You kill Andie one day, you save my life the next. What are you, good? Bad? Pick one!

Stefan: Klaus almost saw Elena today. You have to get her out of Chicago.

Damon: She's not going anywhere until she's got you checked into vampire rehab and on the mend. Trust me, I've tried.

Stefan: She is the key to everything. Klaus can't know she's alive.

Damon: What are you talking about?

Stefan: She was supposed to die in the sacrifice, and she didn't - now Klaus can't create any new hybrids. And his witch is seconds away from figuring that out. Tell Elena to go home and forget about me.

Damon: Tell her yourself.

Klaus: I see they've opened the doors to the riffraff now.

Damon: Oh, honey, I've been called worse.

Klaus: You don't have to negotiate your brother's freedom. When I'm done with him, he won't want to go back.

Elena: Lexi found you like this before, in the 20s, and-- and she saved you.

Stefan: And you know what I did after that? I spent 30 years trying to pull myself together. To a vampire, that's nothing. To you? That's half your life.

Elena: I can't give up on you, Stefan.

Stefan: Yes, you can. It's done - that part of my life is done. I don't want to see you. I don't want to be with you. I just want you to go.

Rebekah: No, you just failed to mention that the doppelganger is still alive.

Stefan: Where is Klaus now?

Rebekah: With any luck, ripping that cow's head off.

Stefan: (attacks her)Where is she?!

Rebekah: You really do love her, don't you? Consider me jealous.

Katherine: What if I told you there is a way to kill Klaus? And not dagger dead. Dead dead.

Damon: I'd say you're either desperate or lying. Or drunk. Or desperate, lying, and drunk.

Elena: Stefan, you can control this. When that buzzer goes off, just...just drink from me!

Stefan: You don't get it; I can't stop, Elena. I'm a ripper! A ripper doesn't stop! I listen to the words that come out of your mouth and all I hear is the sound of your heart pumping blood through your body. And when that clock ticks down, I'm going to have to feed on you. You want to know what's worse? I'm not going to be able to stop.

Katherine: You're going to get yourself killed. The Damon I remember wouldn't have been that stupid.

Damon: I wouldn't have done it for you.

Klaus: Now this is fascinating, I've never seen this before. The only thing stronger than your craving for blood is your love for this one girl. ...Why don't you turn it off?

Stefan: No.

Klaus: Come on... Your humanity is killing you! All the guilt, must be exhausting. ...Turn it off.

Klaus: Oh, I would love to kill you. But I made a pledge to your brother and, unlike him, I keep my word. Although, you know what? Thinking about it now, he probably doesn't care that much anymore. (grabs Damon by the throat and pins him against the hood of a car)

Damon: (talking fast) You don't wanna know about your friend Mikael?

Klaus: What do you know about Mikael?

Damon: Just that he knows you're here...

Klaus: Bluffing.

Damon: Katherine and I found him. Consider it our leverage.

Elena: ...Damon...?

Damon: (quietly) Hey.

Damon: Hey, have some bourbon. (passes her the glass) It'll help you forget.

Elena: (takes a sip and grimaces) Mm.

Damon: Yeah, it's...strong. You know, I can help you forget, too. At least the memories you don't want to keep.

Elena: No. No compulsion. I need to remember. All of it.

Damon: (holds up her vervain necklace) I stole it back for you.

Elena: He's really gone this time. I watched it happen. After everything we went through to get-- to help him, now he's just...gone. (crying) Where were you, Damon?

Damon: I shouldn't have left. (pauses) I promise you - I will never leave you again.

Damon: Why not? I went behind your back, freed Stefan. And you know what? It backfired. He’s an even bigger dick than ever. It’s just, now, he’s a dick that’s on our side.

Elena: I'm not mad. I'm tired. I just-- I want to go to bed.

Damon: You know, I think Mikael's weapon is a stake, because he mentioned something about it...

Elena: Well, then they must have carved it from the white oak tree before they burned it down.

Damon: So I was right. After all that, the wall led us to Mikael.

Elena: It led us to more than just that. I think I got Rebekah on our side, too.

Damon: Really? What'd you learn from here?

Elena: I learned that she's just a girl. That she lost her mom too young, and she loves blindly and recklessly - even if it consumes her. You know, when all is said and done...there's nothing more important than the bond of family.

Damon: (scoffs) You should tell that to my brother.

Elena: I'm not mad at you for letting him out, Damon. I think that you're gonna be the one to save him from himself. It won't be because he loves me. It'll be because he loves you.

Stefan: I’m one hundred and sixty two years old and I’m going to a homecoming dance. I need better ties.

Damon: Elena, this thing blows up in our face, just remember only one of us heals quickly.

Caroline: I finally almost got your mom to stop hating me, so I probably shouldn't get caught in some kind of weird vampire threesome with her son.

Caroline: Matt is an innocent, good person, who should not be going to dances with evil blood sluts.

Caroline: This is a sire thing, isn't it? Please tell me this is some weird family extension of your sire bond with Klaus.

Tyler: I'm here hanging streamers and have glitter all over my hands. If I'm sired to anybody, it's you.

Damon: It's very...Katherine of you.

Elena: Not the way to make me feel better about myself, Damon.

Damon: It was a compliment. Sort of.

Damon: Do you trust me?

Elena: Yes.

Damon: Then you have nothing to worry about.

Damon: I'd offer you a drink, but Katherine tells me you're more of a vampire-on-the-rocks kind of guy.

Mikael: Well, technically you could still offer.

Damon: Why feed on vampires? Don't tell it's for the smooth after taste.

Mikael: I had a hand in creating vampires, but bloodlust was never my intention. Over the centuries I learned to feed from the predator, not the innocent.

Klaus: Your mom is not a problem. I compelled her to go to the church and pray for your friends.

TYyler: What are you talking about?

Klaus: (gesturing to the kids at the party) I want you to look around. There is Bonnie, there is Elena and Matt and there's your pretty little girlfriend Caroline. Epic dance was wrecked tonight and who came through with the party? You did

Hybrid: Invite only, vampire.

Damon: Here's my RSVP. (pulls out his heart) Hybrid.

Damon: What the hell’s wrong with you? You’re not supposed to witchy-migraine me!

Bonnie: You’re not supposed to kill Tyler!

Mikael: (surprised) Katherine.

Katherine: (pulls the pins out of two wolfsbane grenades) Kaboom.

Damon: We're never getting Stefan back. You know that, don't you?

Elena: Then we'll have to let him go. Okay? We'll let him go.

Katherine: Humanity is a vampire’s greatest weakness. No matter how easy it is to turn it off, it keeps trying to fight its way back in. (shrugs) Sometimes I let it.

Damon: We thought of everything, Elena! Klaus having hybrids. Mikael turning on us. We brought in Katherine so you weren`t in danger. Anything that could have gone wrong we were prepared!

Elena: I don`t understand. Stefan wanted Klaus dead. More than anything. That`s what we were counting on.

Damon: He's going to try to use her against you. Do what he says. Get rid of your hybrids.

Klaus: Or what? Stefan would never dream of killing her.

Damon: Are you sure about that? He just tried to behead someone in the middle of a council party. He's operating on crazy right now.

Klaus: Well crazy or not, that kind of love never dies. He's bluffing.

Damon: Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. But if you don't wanna believe him, believe me. I know my brother better than anyone and right now I don't have a clue how far he's willing to take this. So if he says blink, I suggest you blink.

[after trying to throw Elena over the bridge]:

Stefan: Elena get in the car!

Elena: How could you?! My parents died going over this bridge. I almost died. You knew that. You`re the one who saved me.

Stefan: He had to believe I would do it alright. Your fear sold it.

Elena: Well, what if he hadn't?

Stefan: He did.

Elena: Well what if he hadn't?

Stefan: He did, Elena! He backed down! He has a weakness! If I know his weakness, I can destroy him!

Elena: After everything, that`s what mattered, destroying Klaus?

Stefan: Destroying Klaus is all I have left.

Elena: You had me!

Stefan: I lost you the minute I left town with him. You just haven`t let yourself admit that yet.

Klaus: You'll have to adjust your perception of time when you become a vampire Caroline, celebrate the fact that you are no longer bound by trivial human conventions. You're free.

Caroline: No I'm dying.

Klaus: And I could let you, die, if that's what you want. If you really believe your existence has no meaning. I thought about it myself once or twice over the centuries, truth be told. But I'll let you in on a little secret, there's a whole world out there waiting for you, great cities and art and music, genuine beauty, and you can have all of it, you can have a thousand more birthdays - all you have to do is ask.

Caroline: I don't wanna die.

Klaus: (bites his wrist as he picks Caroline up to give her his blood) There you go, sweetheart. Have at it. (she begins to drink) Happy birthday, Caroline.

Damon: Oh, yes. This is about me kissing Elena. Just remember if it wasn't for Klaus you wouldn't have become such a dick, and that kiss would never have happened. So get ready, and get happy. We're going to negotiate a fake truce and I don't want your attitude screwing it up.

Stefan: Where's Rebekah? Last I checked she was still daggered because you couldn't face her.

Klaus: If you're referring to the fact that I killed our mother, I've already come clean to Elijah.

Damon: Hey Stef, remember when you killed dad? You might want to hold off on the judgement until dessert.

Stefan: We're here to make a deal Damon. Doesn't mean we need to kiss his ass for seven courses.

Klaus: Gentlemen, the worst thing for Elena Gilbert... is the two of you.

Stefan: I love her, Damon.

Damon: So do I.

Klaus: Elijah. Why haven't you left?

Elijah: Where are your manners, brother? We forgot desert. (removes a cloth from the tray, revealing two silver daggers)

Klaus: What have you done?

Elijah: What have you done? You see I've learned not to trust your vulgar promises, Klaus. We're doing this on my terms now. (Klaus's brother, Kol, enters the room)

Klaus: Kol!

Kol: Long time, brother.

Klaus: (Runs to the tray to retrieve a dagger but the dagger is seized by his other brother, Finn) Finn, don't- (Finn stabs Klaus in the hand with the dagger. Klaus turns to run away and stops dead in his tracks) Rebekah!

Rebekah: (stabs Klaus in the heart) This is for our mother. (Klaus stumbles back to be seized by the arms by Kol. Finn and Rebekah surround him with angry looks on their faces)

Elijah (to Stefan and Damon): You're free to go. This is family business.

Damon: Stefan has built himself a delusional wagon which he's repeatedly fallen off of.

Alaric: Tell me again, why are we here?

Damon: Ric, the world can't stop turning just because you're an accidental psycho killer.

Meredith: Do you have any tact? Whatsoever?

Sage: Please don't tell me you and Rebekah are friends.

Damon: Not unless you count hate sex.

Meredith: I really don't think you should be looking through that stuff.

Alaric: Well, it's the truth. Restraining orders and all. My life is a series of police reports.

Meredith: You don't strike me as an angry guy, which sounds weird given everything, but- you don't.

Alaric: Yeah, well I was stupid when I was younger. It's not like these guys didn't have it coming. I mean, this guy here, broke a beer bottle over a bartender's head. This guy, hit his girlfriend. And this guy, okay, this guy was just a douche. Everyone needs to find a way to deal with their dark side. Some people meditate, I became a vampire hunter.

Meredith: Semi-retired.

Damon: Now unless you are interested in a Sage/Rebekah sex sandwich, I suggest you make yourself scarce.

Bonnie: Who are you again?

Jamie: The guy who lives out back, you know. The one you're not related to.

Bonnie: Right.

Jamie: Caroline and I had a little talk.

Bonnie: Sounds like code for Caroline lectured you.

Jamie: Maybe, but I needed it.

Rebekah: I stole it from Nik, who stole it from a queen. Not sure which one.

Alaric: What the hell are you doing here?

Damon: Just making sure the witch didn't turn you into a toad, or a block of salt.

Caroline: Well, when Bonnie gets back, she can snap her fingers or wave her hands or whatever, and make the herbs bloom.

Damon: I like that confidence, Stefan. I don't share it, but I like it.

Stefan: You know they're going to do what it takes?

Damon: Well, your good Stefan again; your under control. Sorry, you might get the girl, but you lose the edge. Speaking of...

Stefan: Look, Elena needed to go on that road trip with Damon. No matter what I go through to get her back: fighting my blood-lust, trying to gain control of my life again; none of that matters if she has feelings for someone else.

Damon: Next time we compel him, remind me to make him better at baseball.

Jeremy: Fine. Can we talk about this later? My friend just got here, and yes Damon, I actually have some.

Jeremy: So where are we?

Damon: The corner of somewhere and nowhere where Kol can't find us.

Jeremy: I can't believe Kol was a vampire.

Damon: Well, didn't you find it weird that you made a friend so fast? Have you met you?

Elena: Not helping.

Damon: Come on Rose, you're not actually gonna make us wait, are you? I know you're obsessed with me.

Jeremy: Alright, uh, tell me something about her.

Damon: Well, she did this little thing with her tongue...

Elena: Something that matters, Damon.

Damon: She spent her last day in paradise. Soaking in the sun, reminiscing about what it means to be human. And when death came, she didn't fear it.

Elena: I was with her on her and last and she definitely wasn't in paradise.

Jeremy: It was in the dream he gave her. She's here.

Damon: Is [Rose] still hot?

Rose: Tell him he's still dripping with sex, too. [Jeremy gives her a look] Fine, tell him I miss him.

Jeremy: She misses you.

Rose: And tell him that I'm rooting for him and Elena.

Jeremy: [looks confused] She uh, she misses both of you.

Tyler: You have no idea how much I've missed you

Alaric: Who knows. Maybe his alter ego is some pot-smoking, hippie pacifist.

Caroline: Right now, Damon is desperate to figure out which Original created our vampire blood-line. And if he finds out it wasn't Klaus, they're all going to kill him.

Damon: Because when people see good, they expect good. And I don't want to have to live up to anyone's expectations.

[He takes her hand. Elena, feeling overwhelmed, gets up and leaves the room. She hears him follow her outside.]

Elena: Don't.

Damon: Why not? Elena...

[She looks conflicted for a moment before giving in, turning around and kissing him.]

Elena: [to Jeremy] Wait here.

Jeremy: Why, so you guys can make out some more?

Damon: Don't be a dick. Listen to your sister.

Elena: Who is this Mary person?

Damon: Scary Mary. Really old. Super creepy.

Elena: And how do you know her?

Damon: You know...

Elena: Of course.

Damon: What? I said creepy. Not ugly.

Alaric: (Alaric's alter ego) Look at you. One of nature's most hideous creatures, and you can't even get that right.

Stefan: I've been fighting that part of myself. Thinking that if I repress it, it would go away, but it won't. But now that I've excepted it, it can't control me. And neither can you. So unless your going to stake me, why don't you get the hell out of my house.

Damon: What are you doing?

Elena: What do you mean?

Damon: Well, this trip, and you kissing me. What the hell is this?

Elena: Stefan thinks that I have feelings for you.

Damon: Do you?

Elena: I don't - I don't - I don't know.

Damon: Hmm. I guess you thought this little trip could help you figure that out, didn't you? Or maybe you were hoping I'll screw it up so I could just make the decision for you, am I wrong? Am I wrong?

Elena: It's what you do, Damon! You sabotage things. When I think about it, every time there's a bump in the road, you lash out!

Damon: What if I didn't? What if there was no bump? I'm sorry, Elena, but this time I'm not going to make it so easy for you. This time you'll have to figure it out for yourself.

Rose: They had a fight. I know you want to stop it. Protect her from it. But you're young, you don't see what I see. It's not just that she makes him a better person. And she does, but ... he changes her too. Damon challenges her, surprises her. He makes her question her life, beliefs. Stefan is different. His love is pure. He'll always be good for her. Damon is either the best thing for her, or the worst.

Klaus: That's funny. I don't recall giving you permission to leave in the first place.

Caroline: Why do you always have to prove you're the alpha male?

Klaus: I don't have to prove anything, love. I am the alpha male.

Klaus: You would have loved the 1920's, Caroline. Girls were reckless,sexy, fun. And literally use to dance until they dropped.

Caroline: I don't suppose that ever happened to their dance partners.

Klaus: What is this?

Stefan: Your mother's back.

Stefan: Aw, don't be stupid Klaus. Bonnie doesn't give a damn about us. The only reason she's helping is to save Caroline and Tyler. You start killing the people she cares about, she'll tell us all to go to hell.

Damon: Your still mad at me for what happened to Abby. Let me apologize. I'm sorry Elijah forced us to turn you mother into a vampire to save Elana's life. Didn't exactly have a choice.

Bonnie: There's always a choice. When ever you make one, some one else suffers.

Klaus: Let's cut the dramatics and begin, shall we?

Tyler: Klaus could get killed. And I die along with him.

Stefan: No one's gonna die, ok?

Caroline: Tyler, it doesn't matter how many times I dance with him. I love you.

Klaus: Well, there were moments, real friendship. Brotherhood.

Damon: Oh, he already has a brother. Not to be, you know, territorial or anything.

Klaus: Oh, no, of course. The Salvatore brothers and their unshakable bond. I wonder what will happpen when Elena finally makes her choice. Will we see you shake, just a little bit?

Stefan: We can handle this later, you know.

Elena: No, I rather it over with now before some janitor comes to clean out Alaric's stuff and realizes the history teacher was a vampire slayer.

Stefan: After I bit you I never wanted to feel anything again. But someone kept telling me that it was okay to feel. No matter how much it hurt. That our emotions are what make us human, good or bad. To never lose hope.

Elena: Who gave you that horrible advice?

Stefan: Some girl I use to date.

Elena: I don't have anyone anymore.

Stefan: You have me.

Damon: Apparently my choices have been a bit controversial lately.

Alaric: Is this the part where you give me a dream? Rainbows and rolling green hills?

Elena: (to Alaric) There’s a reason why Esther used me to make you, isn’t there? She didn’t want you to be immortal, so she tied your life to a human one. Mine. That way you have only one life span to kill all vampires and then you’ll be gone. So when I die, you die too.

Stefan: What do you mean he turned? I thought you were standing guard.

Bonnie: You turned your back on me for 16 years. You have no idea what I can handle.

Damon: Got to say I'm team Bonnie on this one. How hard can it be to parch a vampire?

Abby: To stop a vampire's heart, you need to find a balance among the living. Can you handle that?

Damon: What? What does that mean? Bonnie, I don't speak witch.

Bonnie: I have to stop a human heart.

Klaus: Before we all walk through these doors lets get on the same page, shall we? I created your vampire bloodline, therefor I am responsible for your lives. And Tyler"s life, Caroline's life. And of course, Abby's life. Should anything go wrong.

Elena: (holding a knife to her throat) Stop! Let him go or I'll kill myself.

Alaric: Put it down.

Elena: Why? Because you still need me alive? There's a reason why Esther used me to make you, isn't there? She didn't want you to be immortal. So she tied your life to a human one--mine. That way, you only have one lifespan to kill all vampires, and then you'll be gone. So when I die, you die, too. That's it! It has to be.

Alaric: You're wrong.

Elena: Am I?

Alaric: Klaus is going to kill Elena.

Damon: What?

Stefan: What are you talking about? Klaus needs Elena's blood to make hybrids. She's the last person that he'd kill.

Alaric: The witch bound my life to Elena's. If she dies, I die. Klaus figured that out, and now he's taken her. Now I'm trapped here until the sun goes down, so you two better get to what you do best-- saving Elena's life.

Elena: What about your hybrids? You'll need more than this to create your army?

Klaus: These last few liters will have to suffice. You see... by attempting to kill us, my mother strengthened the bond between my siblings and I. I don't need hybrids. I have my family.

Elena: If you believe that, why take my blood at all? [pause] You want a back-up family. You know that your siblings will never trust you again.

Klaus: You know Stefan blames me for trying to tear him from his brother? But I think we both know who really came between them. You. That's why you won't choose. You know once you pick a Salvatore, you'll destroy their bond. Consider this me doing you a favor. Once you're dead, you won't have to choose. No broken hearts. Their family stays intact. But just between us girls, who would you have picked?

Elena: Rot in hell.

Klaus: Hm. You're welcome.

Klaus: So much for that sire bond.

Tyler: I'm not you're little bitch anymore.

Stefan: What?

Damon: How many desiccated hybrids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Stefan: You're in a good mood.

Damon: Yeah, I'm in a good mood. Klaus is dead, my brother is halfway to sane--again. Give or take an immortal hunter that wants to kill us. We won, Stefan. Come on, say it. Say it! We won.

Stefan: (dryly) We won.

Damon: Once more, with feeling!

Stefan: (more forcefully) We won.

Elena: Mom and Dad were right. Alaric should just kill all the vampires and put an end to all of this. But then that means that Caroline dies. And Bonnie loses her mom. The Mayor loses her son. And I lose Stefan and Damon. So if it makes me the bad guy for wanting to keep those people alive, then fine. I'll be the bad guy.

Jeremy: You're forgetting that Alaric never wanted any of this. Once he carries out his plan, what if he doesn't want to live anymore? And he kills his human connection to end his life. That would mean I would lose you. I'm not going to let that happen.

Jeremy: I took her to the hospital. When you find your sister unconscious, you call 9-1-1.

Damon: Not when you have a parade of vampires at your disposal.

Damon: Have I told you lately how much I appreciate you not being the dumbest brother on Earth?

Damon: Our life is one big proverbial coin toss.

Caroline: Now what can I get you? Do you want some tea? Maybe some vodka? Both will help you sleep. [Elena sighs] I know. I'm being smothering. It's what I do.

Elena: (chuckles) No. It's..it's nice.

Caroline: (chuckles) I'm thinking... maybe tea with vodka

(flashback)

Bonnie: You didn't say it back.

Elena: What?

Bonnie: You know what. You can't string him along, Elena. If you're not into it anymore, just...tell him.

Elena: I'm sorry that I strung you along. I should have figured out what I wanted, and just been honest about it. And now I'm making the same mistakes with Stefan and Damon. It's not right, what I'm doing to them, either. I--I have to let one of them go.

Matt: Which one?

Matt: Why should she help you? All you've done is screw her over.

Elijah: And for that I am deeply ashamed. But know this--she could have been dead the instant I walked through that door tonight. So, Elena, I leave it to you to decide whether to trust me or not.

Damon(over the phone,yelling): NOT! Hellooo! Did that concussion give you brain damage?! His lunatic siblings will kill you the first chance they get!

Elijah: Rebekah and Kol will honor the terms. If you return Klaus’ body to us, Elena will come to no harm.

Damon: I'm not halfway out of Virginia and Elena sells our souls to the Originals?

Bonnie: It's her call.

Damon: You know what else is her call? Everything bad ever.

Bonnie: Where's the body? As long as it's unspoiled, Alaric is one witch away from finding him.

Damon: Hidden. I was going to use Unit 666, but I figured that would be a little obvious. So... 1020. Mini fridge, a couple of bird cages, box full of Playboys. One beef jerkified Original.

Damon: Bonnie just left. Rebekah should be here soon to pick up the body.

Stefan: I got Caroline and Elijah in place. Jeremy's gonna lead Alaric to us.

Damon: You just had to let her make the choice, didn't you?

Stefan: What would you have done, Damon?

Damon: Grabbed her, gagged her, thrown her in a well. I don't know, anything other than let her trust Elijah!

Stefan: (chuckles) You know she'd just hate you for it, right?

Damon: Yet she'd be alive and she'd hate me. Thus the eternal difference between you and me, brother

Damon (to whom he thinks is Rebekah): It's about time, sexy-bex.

Damon (to Stefan): Call me if you cough up a lung.

Elena: We have to go back. Listen to me, Matt. If Klaus is the one that turned their bloodline, then they're all gonna die. (shouting)We have to go back, Matt!

Matt: Elena...

Elena: What?

Matt: Damon's not with them.

Elena: ...What?

Matt: He's a hundred miles out of town. I can keep driving to him, or I can turn around and go back to Stefan. It's your choice.

Damon: Since I'm possibly a dead man, can I ask you a question?

Elena: Yeah, of course.

Damon: If it was just down to him and me, and you had to make a choice on who got the good-bye... who would it be?

Elena: I love him, Damon. He came into my life at a time when I needed someone, and I fell for him instantly. And no matter what I feel for you, I...I never un-fell for him.

Damon: Hey, I get it. It's Stefan. It's always going to be Stefan.

Elena: I can't think about 'always'. All I can think about is right now. And I care about you, Damon. Which is why I have to let you go. (crying) I mean, maybe if you and I had...met first...

Damon: Maybe...

(flashback)

Damon: (turns from looking at the stars when he hears Elena's voice in the distance)

Elena (talking on the phone): I know, Bonnie - you're right. You and my mom both are. I just can't bring myself to tell him. At least not tonight. I'll call you later. (hangs up)

Elena: Not to be rude or anything, Damon, but it's kind of creepy that you're out here in the middle of nowhere.

Damon: You're one to talk. You're out here all by yourself.

Elena: It's Mystic Falls. Nothing bad ever happens here. (pauses, then gestures to her phone) I got into a fight with my boyfriend.

Damon: 'Bout what, may I ask?

Elena: Life; the future. He's got it all mapped out.

Damon: And you don't want it?

Elena: I don't know what I want.

Damon: Well, that's not true. You want what everybody wants.

Elena: What? Mysterious stranger who has all the answers?

Damon: Hmm. Well, let's just say I've been around a long time. I've learned a few things.

Elena: So, Damon, tell me. What is it that I want?

Damon:You want a love that consumes you. You want passion, and adventure, and even little danger.

Elena: So...what do you want?

Damon: Ah... (horn honks in the distance; Elena looks)

Elena: That's my parents. (turns back to Damon)

Damon: I want you to get everything you're looking for. But right now I want you to forget that this happened. I can't have people knowing I'm in town yet. Good night, Elena.

Damon: Where is she?

Meredith: Damon-

Damon: Where is she?

Meredith: Wait! (stops him) You need to know, when Jeremy brought Elena in here earlier tonight, her injuries were worse than I let on. It wasn’t a concussion. It was a cerebral hemorrhage - bleeding on the brain.

Damon: What are you saying?

Meredith: He was so worried, I didn’t want to tell him. But I helped her. She needed my help.

Caroline: You're miraculously alive. We're fugitives on the run. All signs point to hot hybrid vampire sex. (Kissing) Did you just call me "love"?

Klaus: I don't know, Love. Did I?

Caroline: What the hell did you do to Tyler?

Klaus: That's what I enjoy about you. So much more than a pretty face.

Caroline: Oh, my god. You're Klaus! You're disgusting!

Klaus: And you're a glorious kisser. (Caroline socks him) Listen... I didn't have to risk exposure to come save you.

Caroline: Oh, you do one semi-decent thing and now you're my hero? Ugh! I need to go sanitize my mouth.

Klaus: Your mouth was all over me. I was an innocent victim.

Rebekah: I thought I killed you.

Rebekah: Ah. I see what's going on here. You died with vampire blood in your system, and you didn't feed and now you're locked up in here without a drop of human blood in sight. That is a problem.

Stefan: Just ignore her.

Rebekah: Has anyone done the math or shall I? Let's say you've got less than three hours to feed before I get to watch you die all over again. My day just got a whole lot better.

Stefan: Damon was right. You should have fed this morning. I'm so sorry.

Elena: Don't be. You had hope. That's all I ever wanted you to have. And you had it.

Stefan: I love you so much.

Elena: Do you even know why I was on that bridge? I was coming back for you, Stefan. I had to choose. I picked you. Because I love you. No matter what happens, it's the best choice I ever made. I'm so sad I can't see you right now.

Grams: (only Bonnie can see her) I warned you child. I warned you to stay away.

Jeremy: Bonnie, it works. Stop.

Bonnie: (to Grams) What's happening? Let me go.

Grams: I can't.

Bonnie: Let me go!

Caroline: Bonnie, what's happening?

Bonnie: Why can't I let go?

Jeremy: Bonnie, stop the spell.

Grams: You made your choice. Now they're taking it out on me.

Bonnie: I'm sorry Grams. (to the spirits) Please! Don't do this to her! (Grams is desiccating)

Caroline: Bonnie, stop.

Bonnie: No. No! NO! (Grams vanishes) What have I done? What'd I do?

Elena: (in full vampire mode, to Damon about Matt) Leave him alone!

Matt: Just stop. Stop saving me.

Stefan: The hell's wrong with you?

Matt: What do you want me to say? Thank you? 'Cause honestly, you should have just let me drown.

Stefan: What? You think you were my first choice?

Matt: Elena's a vampire, because of me. I have to live with that for the rest of my life.

Stefan: No, no. You don't have to live with that. You get to live with that. Because Elena put your life before her own. So every morning you get out of bed, you sure as hell better earn it.

Elena: I remember everything. One of the highlights of my transition; remembering everything that you compelled me to forget. Like you and I met first. You're a stranger and told me you wanted me to get everything I wanted from life. Damon, why didn't you tell me?

Damon: Would it have made a difference? (pause) Didn't think so.

Elena: You asked me to make a choice, Damon. And so I did. If you're going to be mad, then take it out on me. Not Stefan, or Matt, or anyone else. Me.

Damon: Are we done here?

Elena: If it had been you at the bridge last night and not Stefan, and I begged you...

Damon: I would have saved you. In a heartbeat. No question.

Elena: What I thought. And then Matt would be dead, because you couldn't let go. Matt would be dead.

Damon: But you wouldn't be. And you would have gotten to grow up. Live the life you wanted, the life you deserve. And I know that I didn't use to get that. But I do now. And I wanted that for you, Elena. And I would have gladly given it to you and let Matt die. Because I am that selfish. But you knew that already. First night we met's not the only thing you remember.

Rebekah: How dare you save Caroline over me.

Klaus (in his own body): Hello, Brother. I thought you were dead. So pleased you're not.

Rebekah: You left me.

Klaus: I only had time to save one of you and you can't be killed. Rest assured I had a worse day than you. I think it's time for us to move on. And find some more werewolves.

Rebekah: So you can create your hybrid family? You don't know anything about family.

Klaus: I know how easily they can be silenced with a dagger. (Rebekah grabs a bag of Elena's blood and throws it against a wall, then grabs the remaining two) NO! Drop them.

Rebekah: I mourned you! My heart broke thinking I'd never see you again.

Klaus: Put the blood down, Rebekah. That's a good girl.

Rebekah: It's always been me. It's always been me. Not Finn, nor Elijiah, or Kol. Me. I loved you through everything and you don't even care.

Klaus: (grabs Rebekah by the throat) You know something, Rebekah? You're right. I don't care. From this moment on, you're not my family. You're not my sister. You are nothing.

Elena: You don't have to convince me that everything's going to be okay.

Stefan: I know. Wish I could though. Wish I could just tell you that you never feel pain. That you'll never crave blood. But you will. It will be the worst thing you ever lived through.

Elena: But I'll get to live. I'll be a sister, and a friend, and I'll be with you. Forever, if I want. (kisses Stefan) I'm going to get through this. Just like we get through everything. One day at a time.

Damon: They're floating lanterns in the sky. Can you believe that? Japanese lanterns as a symbol of letting go of the past. Well, here's a newsflash: we're not Japanese! You know what they are? Children. Like lighting a candle's going to make everything ok. Or even singing a prayer, or pretending Elena's not going to end up like the rest of us murderous vampires. Stupid, delusional, exasperating little children. And I know what you're going to say: "Makes them feel better Damon". So what? For how long? A minute? A day? What difference does it make? Because in the end, when you lose somebody, every candle, every prayer is not going to make for the only thing you have left is a hole in your life where that somebody you cared about use to be. And a rock. With a birthday carved into it that I'm pretty sure is wrong. So, thanks, friend. You would leave me here to babysit. 'Cause I should be long gone by now. I didn't get the girl. Remember? I'm just stuck here fighting with my brother and taking care of the kids. You owe me big.

Damon: That hunter jacked Tyler Lockwood of his werewolf venom last night. So basically he's got vampire poison in a bottle. And I'm going to find him, and I'm going to eat him.

Elena: I hate her. I didn't think I was capable of hate, but I hate her. And I hate that I hate her.

Stefan: How about we just leave the murdering to Damon.

Elena: And then do what? Ignore her to death?

Caroline: You're good at this, you know that. You saved my vampire life, now you're saving hers. You should write a book. Go on The View.

Tyler: Haley?

Haley: Hey, Lockwolf.

Meredith: Tell me that is not a bomb.

Damon: Ok. It's a kitten. It's an adorable, exploding kitten.

Meredith: Why didn't you call your brother?

Damon: Because I'm proud and stubborn and, oh, look. You're already here. Come on, you're not going to get hurt. All I need you to do is be doctorly, and cut out the arrow. I'd do it myself but if I move (tugs on one of the strings, then mimics an explosion).

Meredith: You are a good brother.

Damon: I'm the bad brother.

Meredith: You're strung up to a bomb while Stefan plays vampire with the girl who broke your heart. But you are doing a very good job of acting like it doesn't suck.

(Damon starts undressing)

Elena: You know he was in my school today?

Damon: Yep. Jeremy told me.

Elena: Why were you talking to Jeremy?

Damon: Don't worry about it.

Elena: Damon, don't bring him into this.

Damon: Cherish the thought he might actually be useful, Elena. (starts to unzip his jeans) You staying for the show, or... (unbuttons jeans)

Elena: (leaving) I'm finding that stake.

Stefan: (At Rebekah's new house/anti-curfew party) Wow. We didn't have to be invited in. Wonder who use to live here.

Elena: Or who died here.

Caroline: I ditched Rebekah's ditching party. (Kisses Tyler, then notices Klaus's bodyguards for Tyler) What's with all the testosterone?

Tyler: Hybrids. I'm on house arrest.

Caroline: Says who? Your mom? Come on, let's sneak out.

Tyler: Ah, not my mom, Caroline...

Caroline: You're kidding me. Klaus?

Klaus: You're a new face.

Haley: And I take it from your accent, you're an old one. Klaus.

Klaus: My reputation precedes me. Hopefully not all bad.

Haley: A little bad. Mostly repulsive.

Klaus: So you're a friend of Tyler's. Strange he's never mentioned you.

April: You know you use to read me bed time stories.

Elena: And now I'm giving you beer. Sounds about right.

Stefan: (about the final remaining white oak stake) Damon give that to you?

Stefan: Well if you want to kill her, I'm not going to stop you. But see, here's what will happen. It will feel really good for about ten seconds. And then after that, tens of thousands of vampires all over the world will start to die. Every vampire she ever turned will die. See, rage is a really powerful feeling. But guilt... take it from me. It will destroy you. So. You can either go after her or you can get on the back of my motorcycle. And we can get the hell out of here.

Klaus: She's quite fetching that Haley.

Tyler: Where is she?

Klaus: Oh, she had to run, but don't worry I had her take the back door so Caroline wouldn't see.

Tyler: Whatever you think you know--

Klaus: I don't know anything. But I've put together a pretty convincing picture. Why don't you tell me where my imagination deviates from the reality. You went off to the Appalachians to break my sire bond. There you met a pack of werewolves, begged them for help. And among them was a girl. She was gorgeous. With the same animal instincts as you. Emotions ran high, inhibitions ran low--

Tyler: Stop it.

Klaus: Then, in a moment of weakness, the thick sexual tension became something much more real.

Tyler: I said stop!

Klaus: And Caroline has no idea.

Connor: Is the hospital really the best place for a germaphobe?

Damon: Did I say that I was a germaphobe? Pfft. Sorry. I meant vampire.

Matt: You don't look so hot.

Rebekah: Whatever it is, it's not the white oak stake, so it can't kill me. Surprised you came to my party.

Matt: Well I thought about it. You explained why you ran me off the bridge, so the least I can do is explain how I feel. Truth is, Rebekah, I think you're amazing. You've had a thousand years to learn, to grow and to start fresh. And somehow, you've managed to throw it all away. Now you're alone. You're compelling your friends, your brother hates you. You whine about not finding love. The reason you don't find love, is because you don't deserve it. (Rebekah snatches out his heart, only it is a hallucination due to the werewolf venom she ingested)

Damon: Keep it up, buddy. We'll be scraping you off the ceiling.

Connor: You two are going to kill me anyway.

Klaus: Well, let's not be too hasty. I feel like we're just getting to know each other.

Damon: Start with the basics. Where are you from? What do you know? Maybe even cue me in on this greater evil, because I fought this guy (jerks thumb in Klaus's direction) and there's nothing more evil than that.

Klaus: Yeah, truth be told, I'm as evil as it gets.

Connor: I'm not telling you anything. You think that if you kill me it will be over? There's another waiting to take my place.

Damon: See, this is what I like to hear. Vague threats, ominous prophecies, disappearing tattoos--

Klaus: (Loses his smirk) What do you mean tattoos?

Damon: Don't bother, you can't see the damn thing.

Klaus: There's more to you than meets the eye, isn't there? (Connor attempts to stake Klaus) Nice try. But I'm faster than your average vampire. (Takes the stake from Connor and looks at the carving on it) You're one of The Five.

Damon: The what?

Connor: And I'm faster than your average hunter. (pulls the string attached to a bomb)

(Elena is hallucinating, seeing Damon instead of Stefan)

Elena: Why am I thinking about you?

Damon: Because you're a vampire now. And part of you knows you're a lot more like me, than you are like him.

Damon: Come one, buy me a farewell drink. Talk about that the hell Klaus meant by "The Five".

Meredith: You know you're not going anywhere, Damon. And I'm not you're new partner in vampire crime. Fix things with Stefan and Elena. Don't let your pride leave you all alone.

Caroline: Hey.

Stefan: Hey. Thanks for coming.

Caroline: Not everyday that I get summoned by a Salvatore. So what's up?

Stefan: You grew into yourself when you became a vampire. You changed. And Elena, she's changing too. And I want her to be able to enjoy it. Without all the guilt and shame that I went through. And there was a moment today when she did. And when I'm with her, every bone in my body tells me to join her, to enjoy it. (pause) But I know that if I do, even a little, I risk becoming him. The Ripper. I love her. And I don't want to hold her back.

Caroline: But you don't know how to be around her and still resist that urge.

Stefan: Damon promised he'd help me stay off the edge. But, it's, ah, he and I aren't in a very good place right now. Not when it comes to her. I just thought, you're so good at it. At being a vampire.

Caroline: (scoffs) Because of you, Stefan. I'm good at it because of you. (pause) Come to me. Whenever you want. I won't let you loose control.

Elena: (after taking a little too much from Matt) What have I done?

Damon: Nothing you should be ashamed of. You are a vampire now. You just have to learn the right way to be one. And I'm going to teach you.

Connor: You saved me.

Klaus: Congratulations. You just became worth more to me alive than dead.

Connor: What...what did you mean when you said I was one of "The Five"?

Klaus: You don't know your own history. Well let's just say it's made you the most well protected vampire hunter in town.

Damon: Definitely wasn't natural. Guy magically appears just as someone blows up the entire Founders' Council, covered in tattoos that only Jeremy Gilbert, of all people in the world, seems to be able to see. Klaus mentioned something about him being one of The Five. And he kamakazis himself with explosives. Sound natural to you?

Klaus: Well, I was. But, then I thought to myself, how can I when my sister, clearly so desperate for love and affection, is left here, bribing the help.

Rebekah: What do you want, Nik? Thought I was dead to you.

Klaus: Things change, Rebekah. I've stumbled upon something I think might be of interest to you.

Rebekah: Doubt that.

Klaus: No? Well, what if I told you the Brotherhood of the Five still existed?

Rebekah: (clearly shocked) What?

Klaus: You see. And like that, bygones. Come on, love. Work to do.

Rebekah: We don't have anything to do. There is no "we". I don't care about the Five. And I don't care about you.

Klaus: As you wish.

Elena: Something tells me college isn't in my future anymore.

Damon: Oh, stop with the pity party. If I can go to college, you can go to college.

Bonnie: You went to college?

Damon: Sure. Plenty of times. I always had a thing for sorority girls.

Bonnie: You're disgusting.

Damon: (whispering) I know.

Damon: (about Professor Shane) What is this guy? Witchipedia?

Klaus: Fine. You might actually be useful in getting Rebekah to cooperate. The Brotherhood of the Five was a group of highly skilled vampire hunters. We crossed paths with them in the 12th century Italy. (Flashback to 1114, voice over) My siblings and I had followed the Normans as they conquered the south. Eating, turning people as we went.

Alexander: (one of the Five) These, demons live among you. Passing as human.

Klaus: (still a voice over) But with the bloodshed came exposure.

Alexander: So witness with your own eyes... (opens a metal box to reveal a vampire, who walks into the sunlight and bursts into flames)

Elijah: He's putting on quite a show.

Klaus: He's nothing. I could eat him for sport.

Elijah: Still you should heed the warning. Between you here and Kol in the east, you have not been discrete. Stories of the original vampires is spreading.

Klaus: I welcome the infamy. But if you're worried about discretion, perhaps you should wrangle our sister. (pan to Rebekah, flirting with Alexander)

Stefan: (back to modern day) So these hunters have been around for 900 years?

Klaus: Apparently. Although our friend in the other room (Conner) is the first I've seen since then. Kind of makes you wonder what they'd been up to all these years.

Stefan: And Rebekah had a thing with one of them?

Klaus: Oh, she didn't just have a thing. She fell in love with him. He told her all his secrets, which I will gladly share with you, provided you do one thing for me.

Stefan: And what's that?

Klaus: Get Rebekah over here. She's being stubborn and hateful. I-- I need to make peace with her. I want her to give me some very important information about the hunter that she won't do unless we've made up.

Stefan: And what's in it for me?

Klaus: Just get her here and I'll tell you. Oh, and Stefan, trust me when I say this. That hunter in there holds the answers to all your prayers.

Matt: (about April and Rebekah) You two are friends?

Rebekah: What? Is it so hard to believe I have one?

Matt: Yeah. It is.

Damon: (about the frat party)So what should we go as? Victim or killers?

Klaus: Rebekah, Love. Eat your veggies.

Rebekah: I'm not eating until you apologize.

Klaus: For which indiscretion? There have been so many.

Rebekah: You broke my neck.

Klaus: You threw away Elena's blood so I can't make anymore hybrids.

Rebekah: Because you took me for granted!

Klaus: That's what big brothers do, sweetheart.

Stefan: Can I just name the million other people I'd rather be having dinner with right now?

Damon: I'm Jack and these are the two lovely ladies I just-- rippered.

Elena: Dear Diary, I know it's been a while. A long while. I haven't needed... I haven't wanted to write this stuff down. But I didn't want to say it out loud either. The thing is.. I'm a vampire. And I hate it.

Stefan: (writing in journal) She's been spiraling since her transition. There are times I barely recognize her. But now, the first time in a while, there's hope.

Elena: I feel hopeless. Depressed. Angry. But most of all... I'm scared.

Stefan: Somewhere in the world, there's a cure for vampires. If I can get it, Elena can be human again. I can giver her back her life.

Elena: Part of me just wants to end it. But, then I think of Jeremy; I'm all that he has left. So I need to find a way through this. No matter what it takes.

Stefan: So that's what I need to do. No matter what Klaus asks; no matter what lies I have to tell or secrets I have to keep, I'll do it. No matter what it takes.

Klaus: You need to keep Damon in check.

Stefan: Be a lot easier if I could tell him the truth.

Klaus: You trust Damon with the cure? I imagine he prefers Elena the way she is.

Stefan: Nice try, Klaus, but I trust Damon a hell of a lot more than I trust you.

Klaus: And I trust no one. Which is why my sister is lying daggered in a box.

Elena: (after Damon walks into her bedroom) Oh. Excuse me. What are you doing?

Damon: Where's Stefan?

Elena: Okay. Ah, good morning to you too.

Damon: He's not answering his phone and he's not here. Which, you know, big deal, we've only got a killer vampire hunter on the loose.

Elena: I haven't talked to him yet today.

Damon: Hmm. Give me your phone. Maybe he's dodging me.

Elena: Why would he be dodging you?

Damon: Oh, I don't know. Maybe the hot sweaty dance party business? Figured you spilled your guilty little guts to him when I left last night. (Elena looks away) Oh, you didn't tell him, did you?

Elena: No, Damon. I didn't tell him I got high on blood like some crackhead then dirty danced with you. It was a mistake, okay? I wasn't...myself. And besides he's already got enough to deal with, trying to get me through this vampire stuff.

Haley: I needed a place to crash, Ty's a buddy, he was kind enough to offer.

Caroline: I know all of Ty's buddies and I haven't heard about you. So how about we cut out the crap?

Haley: Yeah. I don't do teen drama. Take it up with Ty. Excuse me.

Damon: (about Connor) This guy's dangerous.

Elena: SO AM I, DAMON!

Caroline appears in the doorway, Tyler and Haley are hugging

Caroline: Oh, I apologize. Am I intruding?

Tyler: Caroline, it's not like that.

Caroline: I keep waiting for you to make up some dumb story so at least I can call you a liar. Is that now?

Haley: I'll let you two talk.

Caroline: Thank you. How big of you.

Tyler: You have to understand--

Caroline: You don't tell me what I have to do. I went through hell when I thought you died. I cried like an idiot and this whole time you've been keeping a secret from me about falling for some werewolf in the Appalachians.

Tyler: I never fell for her.

Caroline: Oh, please.

Tyler: Caroline, she saved my life. I almost died trying to break the sire bond. Haley was there for me, she helped me get through it. But nothing else happened.

Caroline: Then why would Klaus think that?

Tyler: Because I'd rather him think that then know the truth. There are other hybrids that need to be set free. Haley and I can help them. But if Klaus found out about what we're trying to do... he'd kill us all.

Stefan: Is that my journal?

Damon:Had to go through six locks to get it. Needed something to back up your insanity. Did you figure out how to tell Klaus you lost a hunter and a hybrid?

Stefan: He's on a plane. Which means I get to live for another six hours.

Stefan: She doesn't need to know that she killed her chance at being human again.

Damon: Alleged chance.

Stefan: I believe him, Damon. You didn't hear Klaus' story. I believe every word he said.

Damon: Well, I'll remain skeptic for now. So what's your next move?

Stefan: He said there was a Brotherhood of the Five. Which means there are others hunters out there. Just going to keep looking until I find one.

Damon: Sure, Stefan, since you asked, I'd be happy to go one a suicide mission with you for a potentially non-existant cure. No problem.

Stefan: Yet a couple hours ago you were ready to rip my heart out.

Damon: Because you were being a pain in the ass. I just need one thing- Why do you want to cure her?

Stefan: What kind of question is that?

Damon: Legitimate one. You want a cure because she's a vampire and not cut out to be one or you can't love her if she is one?

Stefan: I'll always love her. But she's not supposed to be this person. I don't want her to be.

Damon: Well, if I'm gonna ride this fairytale to it's conclusion, I'm gonna be clear about one thing.

Stefan: What's that?

Damon: I'm fine with her either way, Brother. So, I do this, I'm doing it for you.

Elena: Dear Diary, Today I did the thing I was most afraid of. I lost control. I killed someone. I use to think that the worst feeling in the world was losing someone you love, but I was wrong. The worst feeling is the moment that you realize...you've lost yourself.

Damon:It dindn't take a genius to figure that out.Third time to charmed.

Elena:You were right , Damon.Vampires kill people.Stefan was right too.I can't live with myself.

Damon:Let's just talk about this before you do something stupid.Okay?Where is your ring?Where is your ring , Elena?

Elena:Yeah, but if it wasn't for you... (grabs Damon's hand)

Damon: (sighs) I'm about to take a very... high and annoying road and tell you something. Because I know that you think Stefan's been lying to you. Which, yeah. He has. But this... rough patch that you two have been going through, it's not what you think. Everything that he's been doing, he's been doing for you. To help you. And after he kills me for telling you this, I want you to throw my ashes off of Wickery Bridge, ok? (Elena chuckles) There may be a way out of this for you, Elena. There may be a cure.

Matt: I know you don't like me.

Damon: Heh.

Matt: But I dug up some stuff about the explosion at the Young Farm that I kind of need to tell someone about. So April mentioned that her dad knew that Professor Shane guy, which wouldn't be creepy, except he had all that info about the Hunter's Curse. And we live in a town where anybody who knows stuff is creepy until proven otherwise.

Damon: You're on the verge of impressing me. Drive it home.

Matt: I got the Sheriff to dig up the Pastor's phone records. Turns out, he made like a call a day to the same number the last month he was alive. And on the day that the council got blown up at the farm, he called it ten times. The office of Atticus Shane.

Elena: (as Jeremy is lying on the couch) I can't believe this happened. What am I going to say to him?

Damon: Thanks for not ditching the family ring after it drove Ric crazy? You should have called Stefan.

Elena: I don't want to talk to him. He’s been lying to me and hiding things from me. He compelled Jeremy to forget God knows what.

Damon: In all fairness, I mean, I think you killing him kinda trumps that.

Klaus: Well, life’s full of ifs, Stefan. But let’s accentuate the positives, shall we? The hunter was one of five; we'll find another. It may take centuries, but we’ve got nothing but time, right?

Stefan: You’re using your calm voice today. Who’s getting killed?

Klaus: Not you, if that's what you’re worried about. But I am concerned about your beloved. Have the hallucinations started yet?

Elena: (about the visions from killing a hunter) You went through this?

Klaus: Yes, I did. For fifty-two years, four months, and nine days. I was tormented, in my dreams, my every waking moment, relentless, never ending torture. It was the only period of my life when I actually felt time.

Elena: So, you knew that this would happen if Connor died? That's why you got involved. Did Stefan know too?

Klaus: All he knew was that the hunter had to be kept alive. You should have listened to him when he said he had it covered, love.

Caroline: What? She can't have feelings for Damon. He's...Damon. And you're you, and I'm...revolted. You know, I'm gonna talk to her. I'm going to shake some sense into her clearly diseased brain.

Klaus: In what world do the words "tell no one" mean "tell your brother and every teenage sycophant in town"?

Damon: Ok. I see shady Stefan's back. Please don't tell me that you're still working with Klaus.

Stefan: You obviously haven't heard. Elena and I broke up.

Damon: Oh. Got it. Uh, well, I'll be quick, then. So apparently if we want to find the cure, we have to find a vampire hunter who can kill enough vampires to reveal the map on the Hunter's Mark. Now, unless we want Jeremy to go all Connor 2.0, I suggest we find a different hunter.

Stefan: Ok. And?

Damon: And I was gonna ask Professor Shane, but it turns out he's shadier than you are. Matt Donovan connected him and the pastor through phone records. Apparently the two were very chatty the day that the pastor blew up the Council.

Stefan: Really? Name one thing that you've asked her [Elena] to do that you haven't gotten.

Damon: You know what I haven't gotten? Blame, guilt. I get it Stefan. I get that you're pissed that Elena dumped you because she has feelings for me. Bet you blame the sire bond for that, too.

Stefan: Yeah. You know what, I absolutely do.

Damon: Why, because it's impossible to think that she could have feelings for me?

Stefan: No. Because it's impossible for her to be so blind that she doesn't see how wrong you are for her.

Lexi: He [Stefan] needs balance and restraint.

Damon: What makes you think that I'm not balanced and restrained?

Lexi: The fact that you never have been.

Damon: Charlotte. Please tell me you had a full life and you've done something other than counting bricks.

Charlotte: Of course I have. I'm not crazy.

Stefan: Then why're you still here?

Charlotte: You know when someone breaks up with you and there's a song that reminds you of them? First you hate it, but then it brings back all the good memories of them. Counting the bricks is my song and I've been playing it for decades.

Stefan: That's a really long time. Stop listening to the same song.

Damon: Yeah. Well, uh, you know in the plus column, you know New Orleans better than anyone in the world.

Charlotte: So you're just leaving me again?

Damon: No. I need to get on with my life. And so do you.

Charlotte: I don't want to live without you.

Damon: If you want to make me happy, you will. You just, forget about me. You'll never think of me again and you'll find someone new and you'll be happier than ever. Please, stop crying.

Charlotte: I'm never gonna be able to forget about you.

Damon: Yes, you are. And I'm never going to be happy until you realize that you're never gonna have the life you deserve if I'm in it. Goodbye Charlotte.

Elena:Hey.

Damon:Hey back.

Elena:How was your night?

Damon:Awful.Yours?

Elena:Same.

Damon:Elena , we need to talk.

Elena:I know that I am sired to you , Damon.Calorine told me.That's what you and Stefan were doing.Isn't it?Is there way to break it?

Damon:Not exactly.Which is why we need to talk.

Elena.Tyler told me the bond doesn't fact how I feel just a way I act.My feelings for you haven't changed.Nothing is changed.

Damon:Everything is changed , Elena.

Elena:Ok.Fine.I've changed , but so have you , Damon.And I'm happy.Just like you were yesterday morning before we knew about any of this.

Damon:You wouldn't make me happy.That I know that this entire time when I'll be completly in love with you.That would you actually felt for me was real.

Elena:It is real.I know that it is.Damon , I know what you're about to do.Please , don't do this to me.

Damon:I don't wanna do this , Elena.I'm not the good guy , remember?I'm the selfish one.I take what I want.I do what I want.I lie to my brother.I fall in love with his girl.I don't do the right thing!But I have to do right thing by you!

Rebekah: Did I say you could move? Class is in session. You've all been compelled. You know the rules. Answer my questions honestly, no disobedience, no one leaves. April my sweet, take notes. This is how you get answers in this town. Let's start with a little quiz. In 1114, my brother learned-- thanks to yours truly-- about the brotherhood of vampire hunters with tattoos that grew with each kill. And these tattoos revealed what? Elena?

Elena: A map.

Rebekah: Which lead to, Caroline?

Caroline: A cure for vampirism.

Rebekah:Perfect. We're all caught up. Stefan Salvatore, the last time we saw each other, you had a vampire hunter, but in order to decode the map, you needed the location of the hunters sword, which you got out of me using some very dirty tricks. Assuming you found the sword, you must have found the cure, and yet you're all still vampires, which means something went wrong. What are you doing?

April: You asked me to take notes.

Rebekah: I wasn't being literal, darling. But now that you mention it, a flow chart would be nice, which means index cards and push pins. Go fetch.

Stefan: You're wasting your time. We don't know anything.

Rebekah: So you just gave up? I though you'd do anything to save Elena, even if it meant taking the cure yourself. So you could grow old and die with her. (to Elena) Why do you look so surprised? I'm missing something. What is it?

Caroline: They broke up, ok? Now let us go.

Rebekah: Broke up? Wait, I'm confused. I thought Elena was your epic love, Stefan. (pause) I asked you what happened, and now you have to tell me.

Stefan: She slept with Damon.

Rebekah: So, vampire Elena is a trollop who likes bad boys, which explains why Stefan reeks of alcohol. But what it doesn't explain is why sweet, loving, innocent Elena could be so heartless towards Stefan. How could she hurt you like that? (pause) Answer, please.

Stefan: She didn't know it at the time, but she was sired to Damon.

Rebekah: A sire bond. Fascinating. And what do you think about that, Elena.

Elena: I think you're sad and bored and in desperate need for a hobby.

Rebekah: You're hiding something. 'Fess up.

Elena: I didn't sleep with Damon because of his sire bond. I slept with Damon because I'm in love with him.

Caroline: What does any of this have to do with the stupid cure?

Rebekah: You're right. We got off point. Stefan, how do I find the cure? Unless you'd rather talk about Damon and Elena all day.

Stefan: There's a professor. He knows where the cure is.

Rebekah: Thank you. And, uh, where do I find this professor?

Damon: (to Klaus) If you're here for payback, go for it. But you'll be stuck baby-sitting the little hunter that could.

Elena:Stefan knows about us.

Damon:Ouu.How did he take it?

Elena:How do you think?

Damon:I'm thinking for the first time of all week I'm happy to be in camp of nowhere.

Elena:How's Jeremy?

Damon:That's been how much you trust me.

Elena:You know that I trust you.

Damon:I think he's gonna get trough this just fine.

Elena:Thanks for looking out for him.

Damon:Yeah I told them if they were good I'm gonna buy them ice cream.So.Look , I've got to go.

Elena:Wait , not yet.Something happend today.I realised something about you.About us.And you can say it is the sired bond.You know what?Maybe.Maybe it is.But what I'm telling you is the most real thing I ever felt in my entire life.I love you , Damon.I love you.

Damon:Look , I'm gonna get this cure for you.And I'm gonna have to do things you're not gonna like.

Shane: Your daughter... is a prodigy. With my guidance... she can be one of the most powerful witches in the world. But without it--whew-- she's a time bomb.

Rebekah: (answering Stefan's phone) Hello, Elena.

Elena: What did you do to Stefan?

Rebekah: Rescued him from his old, dull life. But it keeps calling. Stefan's not in the mood to talk right now.

Elena: Then he can listen. I know you might not care about me right now, Stefan, but Kol compelled Damon to kill Jeremy. They're somewhere in the tunnels, and I-- it's one giant maze down here, and I can't find them, so if you still care about the cure, or about Jeremy, then maybe you can come help. (silence) Ok.

Bonnie: These symbols must have been left for the Hunters so they could find the cure. And this must be the story of Qetsiyah and Silas. According to Shane, Silas asked Qetsiyah for help making a spell for immortality. She helped make him immortal, only to learn he planned to use the same spell on another woman, not her. When she found out, she freaked.

Jeremy: So, Qetsiyah kiled the other woman?

Bonnie: Yeah. Silas was immortal. She couldn't kill him. So, she tapped him in a cave and buried him alive instead.

Jeremy: Does it say anything about the Hunters purpose in all this?

Shane: I was wondering when you'd ask. Qetsiyah created a cure for immortality and then she buried it with Silas, hoping that he'd take it and die. End up on the other side with her for all eternity. But he wouldn't give her the satisfaction. So, many centuries later, her descendants created the Hunters to find him, cure him, and kill him.

Rebekah: So, then leave. Out of everyone, your presence is the least necessary.

Stefan: Please don't start.

Rebekah: I'm merely stating the facts. Jeremy has the spell on his body. Bonnie's the witch that unseals the cure. Shane is the human compass. You and I have the tombstone, which does God knows what. And Elena has no point.

Damon: What about me?

Rebekah: You have a nice behind.

Caroline: You are not worth the calories I burn talking to you.

Rebekah: Well, 7 of us and no one thought to bring s'mores.

Stefan: You mean what you said? About a cease-fire?

Rebekah: Why do you all assume that I hate Elena so much?

Stefan: Well, I mean, you did run her off a bridge.

Rebekah: You all seem to forget that Elena's death was the only way to save my family. I did the same thing that every one of you would've done to protect the people that you love. And before you cast me as the bad guy, maybe you should remember that Elena's helped to kill not one but two of my brothers. Maybe we're not as different as everyone's making us out to be.

Caroline: If you don't feed me your blood, I'll die.

Klaus: Then you'll die, and Tyler will have learned his lesson the hard way.

Caroline: How could you do this to him? To his mom? To me?

Klaus: I'm a thousand years old. Call it boredom.

Caroline: I don't believe you.

Klaus: Fine. Then maybe it's because I'm pure evil, and I can't help myself.

Caroline: No. It's because you were hurt. Which means that there's a part of you that is human.

Klaus: How could you possibly think that?

Caroline: Because I've seen it. Because... I've caught myself wishing that I could forget all the horrible things that you've done.

Klaus: But you can't. Can you?

Caroline: I know that you're in love with me. And anyone capable of love is capable of being saved.

Klaus: You're hallucinating.

Caroline: I guess I'll never know. (Caroline struggles to breathe)

Klaus: Caroline? (Klaus saves her)

Elena: I didn't take it [the tombstone], but here. (Holds out the white oak dagger) Consider this a peace offering.

Rebekah: Don't you get it, Elena? There is no peace. We're all screwed.

Elena: Exactly, Rebekah. We're screwed. Bonnie's gone. Shane's got the tombstone. Jeremy's missing. Who knows if Damon is coming back. So, us three right here, this is all we've got. So, we're either in this together... or it's over. For all of us.

Shane: Jeremy. (to Massak) Was a bit of a scare yesterday. Thanks for fending off his attacker.

Massak: His attacker?

Shane: Jeremy was attacked by an islander. I assumed you were his hatchet-flinging guardian angel.

Galen: Oh, aye, I would. How does it feel when a relentless eating machine is draining the blood from your veins?

Damon: Itchy.

Galen: Do your friends in Mystic Falls think you're funny, Damon?

Damon: Come on, man. Do I look like I know anything about tattoos? Look at my skin. It's flawless.

Caroline: It's called a cryptex. (Tyler and Klaus look at her shocked) I've seen "The Da Vinci Code". You turn the different sides to the different symbols to get the translation on the other side.

Jeremy: All right. Where's this stupid magic passage she needs to open?

Shane: Just look for anything that looks out of place, all right? Anything not occurring in nature, like a drawing or an inscription or... (looks down) geometrically perfect circle.

Shane: Hey, guys, c-- I need a hand. My leg's broken.

Bonnie: Best to stay off it, then. (She and Jeremy leave)

Rebekah: You're alive?

Damon: Yeah.

Rebekah: Why didn't you go with them?

Damon: I needed a siesta.

Rebekah: You gave up, didn't you?

Damon: I didn't give up. I just realized... you can't control everything... no matter how hard you try. Let's just say that I made peace with that fact.

Rebekah: Peace? You love Elena. You always will. If she becomes human, she may not feel the same way about you. You'll never know peace.

Damon: Life suck. Get a helmet.

Rebekah: You did something selfless, Damon. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were becoming a halfway decent person.

Damon: (tied to a rope as they walk through the woods) Mind telling me where we're going?

Vaughn: At the wishing well lies an entrance to a crypt. In the crypt lies Silas. And with Silas lies the cure, which will allow me to kill Silas, bring the mission of the brotherhood of the Five to an end. You're my leverage, Damon. I use you to get your witch friend to open the passage to Silas' crypt for me.

Damon: What a minute, you're using me to get to Bonnie Bennett? Whoa, brother, ha! You picked the wrong vampire.

Vaughn: I guess we'll see about that.

Damon: Here's the deal, Shrek. My witch friend will open the passage for you. No leverage necessary. We don't care about Silas. All we want is the cure, so you cut us in on your share, and we'll get out of your hair.

Tyler: (on the porch, stressed about Klaus) Every time I think I have him, that son of a b*tch gets the upper hand.

Caroline: We won't let him hurt you. Stefan and Elena will bring back the cure.

Tyler: If they get to it first! And if they don't, Klaus kills me. I need to get out of town to figure out how I'm gonna stay alive.

Caroline: Wait, hang on, okay? Gosh! Before you get all doomsday, just at least let me try and talk to him.

Tyler: He's got nothing to lose, Care. His brother's dead, his hybrids are gone. All he wants right now is blood, starting with mine.

Caroline: You can't kill Tyler.

Klaus: Not only can I, I have to. I have a reputation to uphold. Moreover, I want to.

Caroline: I'm not asking you to forgive him. All I'm asking is that you let him live, somewhere far from here.

Klaus: So he gets to live a happy life after he turned all my hybrids against me, after he tried to kill me, after he made it his life's mission to find the cure so he could use it against me.

Caroline: We all want the cure.

Klaus: Do we?... Do you?

Caroline: It doesn't matter. There's only one, so it's not like I'm gonna get it anyway.

Klaus: But if you could, you won't would you? (she remains silent as her face give her away) You prefer who you are now to the girl you once were. You like being strong, ageless, fearless.

Damon: Life sucks. Get a helmet.

Rebekah: You did something selfless, Damon. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were becoming a halfway decent person.

Bonnie: (about Silas) He's been frozen like a vampire statue for 2,000 years. There's only one way we're gonna get the statue to unfreeze.

Jeremy: How's that?

Bonnie: We have to feed him our blood… If we want to get the cure out of his hands, we... we have to wake him up.

Rebekah: You don't want any of us to be human. Why would you help us find the cure?

Klaus: Maybe I finally realized the longer I stand in the way of what you want, the longer you'll continue to hate me. Perhaps I want my sister to finally know happiness.

Damon: Unless you're a blond, a Bennett witch, or a dopplegänger, I suggest you steer clear.

Elena: You're not dosing me again, are you?

Matt: Poison your best friend once, and the suspicion follows you forever.

Damon: Here's the thing. I was completely willing to accept the fact that you were one man on a lonely mission to kill ol' Silas, and then I got boned by my vixen nemesis miss Katherine Pierce, and then I start thinking there's no way that this is a coincidence. So what do you know, huh? (to Rebekah) Took you long enough.

Rebekah: Sorry. I had to dig the arrow out of my spine. Thank you for that.

Damon: Well, if you want a lead on Katherine Pierce, here's your guy.

Vaughn: Torture me all you want. You can't kill me. The Hunter's curse will torment you forever.

Damon: It will be worth it.

Rebekah: He's right. You can't kill him, but that doesn't mean we can't tear him apart piece by piece, nerve by nerve until the pain is so severe, that your brain shuts it off to give you one tiny moment of blessed relief, and then we'll heal you and do it again and again and again.

Damon: You are creepy.

Rebekah: Thank you.

Vaughn: I was tracking dens of vampires across Colorado. Katherine found me, said she could help me find Silas. She already knew about the Hunter's mark, the cure.

Rebekah: How?

Vaughn: Oh, she has someone on the inside, some werewolf girl, friends with your professor.

Damon: So I just came up with a list called things you suck at. Number one: finding Katherine, ever. Number two: covering up your secret phone conversations to that little backstabbing Hayley. Yeah, so where is she, and what does she know about Katherine?

Klaus: I should help you? After you lot killed my brother and imprisoned me in the Gilbert living room.

Damon: You might want to prioritize Klaus, you have much bigger problems. Katherine has the cure. My guess is she's gonna want to cram it down your throat. You help me find Katherine., I'll get the cure, I'll give it to Elena, everybody wins.

Caroline: Remember how Damon sired her to behave? Didn't really work.

Rebekah: Impressive. You're like Sherlock Holmes with brain damage.

Damon: I admit, under any other circumstance, this would be a major turn-on.

Elena: I mean, I see you standing there, and don't get me wrong, you look good. I remember the sex we had, and it was good sex...just doesn't mean anything to me anymore.

Damon: And that tone is the reason I didn't pick up the phone the first 20 times you called.

Stefan: Where is she now?

Damon: Out exploring. Maybe she's eating a hot dog or vendor.

(Caroline is drinking the left behind alcohol while cleaning up)

Klaus: Desperate times I take it.

Caroline: What are you doing here?

Klaus: Not judging you for starters, although if you are determined to get drunk, then perhaps I might recommend something a little more sanitary. (Caroline drinks the alcohol she found) Well, then. You showed me.

Caroline: Shouldn't you be out chasing Tyler to the ends of the earth, or are there still some hopes and dreams you want to crush around here?

Klaus: Depends. Do you happen to know where the young Brutus is?

Caroline: I know where he's not... with me. And he gave Matt the deed to the house, so he's gone for good.

Klaus: (nodding as he walks closer) Tyler made it his life's mission to kill me. You can't hate me for driving him away.

Caroline: Oh, I can and I do.

Stefan: Look. Silas wants to die and be reunited with his one true love, but he's supernatural, so if he takes the cure and dies, he gets stuck on the other side.

Klaus: How Shakespearian.

Stefan: But if he destroys the other side altogether, he can take the cure, die, and pass on. But in destroying it, every dead supernatural being will return to our side.

Caroline: That means every werewolf, every witch, every vampire. I wonder how many of those you personally killed. Care yet?

Elena: You got Lexied?

Lexi: You're not even covering your tracks. We heard about you back in Mystic Falls.

Damon: So Stefan sent you. Hmm. I though we were on the off part of our endless on-again, off-again, eternity-of-misery cycle.

Rebekah: Wow, she [Lexi] sounds dreadful.

Damon: She had a Mother Teresa complex.

Elena: So let me guess. After many dark nights with Lexi, she convinced you to turn your emotions back on, and that's exactly what you plan to do with me. Hmm.

Damon: You read the last page of a book first, too?

Stefan: How's the cure search going?

Damon: Ah. Not great. I mean, it's no massacre in the making, but Rebekah trailed us here. Then in addition to my buddy being a brilliant identity thief, he's also a hoarder.

Stefan: What are you trying to find?

Damon: Will had a repeat customer, 5'7" brunette. Said she was a runner.

Stefan: Katherine.

Damon: Turns out I was helping her run from me. Ironic. Problem is I'm pretty sure that this filing system goes by birthdate, but I can't for the life of me remember Katherine's.

Stefan: June 5, 1473.

Damon: And that, brother, is why you are the better boyfriend.

Caroline: Do you even know how to read a map?

Klaus: Yes, and do you know who taught me? My friend Magellan.

Caroline: Wow! You had a friend. Was he drawn to your darkness, too?

Klaus: Actually, I was referring to Damon and Elena when I said that, but clearly it struck a chord with you.

Caroline: It's because it's not true! There is no allure to darkness.

Klaus: (earnestly) Really? So you've never felt the attraction that comes when someone who's capable of doing terrible things for some reason cares only about you?

Caroline: I did once, when I thought he was worth it, but it turns out some people can't be fixed.

Stefan: Damon, what did you do?

Damon: Lets just say it involves a 5'7" brunette and her blonde accomplice.

Caroline: Elena stole my prom dress. I went to pick it up, and the tailor said that somebody else already did. And when I asked who, she said she couldn't remember. Hello? The vervain is out of the town water supply. She was compelled. (Klaus laughs). It is not funny.

Klaus: I know. I know.

Caroline: Then stop laughing. Look, I know that prom isn't important to you, but it's important to me.

Klaus: Well surely finding another dress is well within your substantial vampire capabilities.

Caroline: But I don't want just another dress. I want to look hot, like Princess Grace of Monaco hot. So, could you please go back into your creepy trophy case of family collectables and dig me out something of royal caliber?

Matt: Why do I feel like we're at a practice run of Caroline's wedding?

Bonnie: Because I think we are.

Damon: You are under age.

Elena: You are over age, and honestly, it's kinda creepy.

Damon: Oh, come on. What bad-ass senior is complete without a prom date that's slightly too old for high school?

Elena: Please don't refer to yourself as my date.

Damon: Oh, I'm sorry. Your boyfriend. Something I said?

Elena: I'm not doing this.

Damon: You're not gonna deny that I'm your boyfriend now, are you?

Elena: What are you doing? Trying to stir some feelings in me? Ironic, since you, my sire, are the one who had me turn them off.

Elena: I told you I loved you because I was sired to you, and now that I'm not, I know that none of it was real, but if you still think that it was, I mean, maybe you're the one who needs help with your emotions, not me.

Elena: Let go of me or I will bite you.

Stefan: Oh, come on. I'm the one who hates to dance, remember?

Elena: Yeah, and now I finally see why.

Stefan: So you're just here to help Rebekah get the cure, right, on what happens to be the most sentimental night in high school.

Elena: You think this is my cry for help? I'd be happy to show you what a real cry for help sounds like.

Stefan: Hmm. So this... Us... You feel nothing?

Elena: I feel nothing.

Stefan: I don't believe you.

Elena: I don't care.

Stefan: So you don't remember what it use to feel like when we would dance? When my hand would touch your waist?

Caroline: I know you said to kill her with kindness, but can't I just kill her?

Stefan: I see you found a dress.

Caroline: It's from Klaus.

Stefan: Hmm.

Caroline: Don't ask.

Stefan: You know you have him wrapped around your little finger, right?

Caroline: If I had Klaus wrapped around my finger, then I would be here with Tyler right now. Are you making any progress with the dress thief?

Stefan: I don't know. I think it's affecting me a whole lot more than its affecting her.

Caroline: What do you mean?

Stefan: Every time I tell myself that I'm moving on, there's this part of me that just can't seem to shake her.

Caroline: That's normal, Stefan. You guys were in love. That doesn't go away just because you declare that you're moving on.

Stefan: Then how does anyone ever seem to move on?

Caroline: I don't know. I think that someday, you'll meet someone new and you'll fall madly in love. And you'll have moved on without even realizing it.

Rebekah: What am I missing?

Elena: Silas is appearing to Bonnie as my dead brother, which means he still wants her to do the spell.

Rebekah: So? The nice thing about having no feelings is you don't fear your enemies on the other side.

Elena: I'm not worried about my enemies. It's people like Alaric... and Jeremy. The Salvatore brothers are annoying enough as it is, can you imagine if my brother came back to the living? He'd spend every waking hour trying to get my humanity back.

Stefan: You looking for Silas or you waxing nostalgic about misspent youth?

Damon: What happened to you being over it?

Stefan: What do you mean?

Damon: Well, I mean, for a guy who's ready to move on, you seemed pretty convincing as a boyfriend out on the dance floor.

Stefan: I mean, isn't that what we're doing, reminding Elena of what she's lost?

Damon: Like her feelings for you?

Stefan: Yeah. Yeah, maybe.

Damon: Hmm.

Stefan: I mean... I don't mean to be a dick, Damon, but Elena and I have a history. Memories, laughs, ups and downs. It was a real relationship. I mean, what you have is just a one-night stand that was probably the result of the sire-bond. (Damon moves toward Stefan and gets staked) Your mind is a very dark and riveting place, Damon.

Damon: Uh, Silas. Where's my brother, you psychic freak?

Silas: He's in the woods, where I convinced him I was you. He's probably in a bit of pain now, too. The witch is mine. Stay away from her.

Damon: She may not feel much, but shes gonna feel that in the morning.

Stefan: So what's the plan?

Damon: When Bonnie was whaling on her tonight, I could see it in her eyes. Elena thought she was gonna die. She was scared.

Stefan: Fear.

Damon: Last time I checked, one of those pesky human emotions.

Stefan: So plan "c"... make her life a living hell.

Damon: You care to talk about our other problem? You know, the one that can be anywhere, at any time.

Stefan: Silas still needs Bonnie. And if tonight is any indication, she's no pushover. She's not gonna let him manipulate her, not anymore.

Damon: I wouldn't underestimate his talents. He fooled the hell out of both of us. What did he say to you anyway?

Stefan: He led me out in the woods, claiming he saw Silas, then he staked me.

Damon: Hmm.

Stefan: How did he get to you?

Damon: Talked about his hair. I figured it had to be you.

Stefan: Funny.

Katherine: (voice over) Klaus, I hear Elijah has refused you the cure and in return, you have refused me my freedom. Shame on you both. But while you boys sort out your problems, I have one last thing to offer you. I've caught wind that there is a witch in New Orleans named Jane-Anne Deveraux plotting a move against you. Hunt her down. What she has to say will rattle you so deeply to your core that chasing little old me will be the least of your concerns. It's been a fun five centuries, Klaus, but I've worn down too many good heels running from you. Love and hate, Katerina.

Damon: How hungry does she have to be before we can torture some feelings back into her?

Stefan: A lot hungrier than she is now, apparently.

Damon: So, what are we supposed to do in the mean time?

Katherine: Maybe I can provide a little excitement.

Stefan: (surprised) Katherine.

Katherine: The one and only. Sort of.

Man: Welcome to the dark side of New Orleans, a supernatural playground where the living are easily lost and the dead stick around to play.

Rebekah: Well, the French Quarter witches are not a lot to be trifled with. You don't suppose they've found a way to kill him once and for all, do you?

Elijah: Rebekah, in the name of our family, you might try to dial down your glee.

Rebekah: What family? We are three distrustful acquaintances who happen to share a bloodline.

Rebekah: Where are you going?

Elijah: To find out who's making a move against our brother, and then... I'll either stop them, or I'll help them. Depending on my mood.

Sophie: You may have built this town, but it's his town now.

Klaus: Where's Marcel?

Diego: Who the hell's asking?

Klaus: I assume you're joking.

Diego: I only answer to Marcel.

Klaus: Well, then, in that case, perhaps you'll answer to this. You're aware the bite of a werewolf can kill a vampire? Well, as you can see, I'm half-werewolf, so I'm gonna ask you one more time! Where is Marcel?

Marcel: H-hey. I'm right here. I'm right here. Easy, now. Diego's just looking out for me. Nobody harms my guys. Those are the rules.

Klaus: I don't care about your rules, Marcel. And I don't need chaperones. Why are you having me followed?

Marcel: I get it, huh? Show of force. You made your point. Let it go, friend. For me.

Klaus: Fine. Why don't you show me what you've done with the place while you explain exactly what it is you've been up to in my town.

Klaus: Evening, Elijah.

Elijah: Niklaus.

Klaus: What an entirely unwelcome surprise.

Elijah: And what an entirely unsurprising welcome.

Klaus: I assure you, love, that there is not a thing in the world that will matter enough for me to waste even thirty more seconds of my time. Elijah, what madness is this?

Hayley: Klaus... You need to listen to them.

Klaus: You're all out of your minds if you think some liquor fueled one-night stand--no offense, sweetheart-- means a thing to me.

Sophie: Marcel may be able to keep us from practicing real magic in this town, but as keepers of the balance, we still know when nature has cooked up something new. For example, I have a special gift, of sensing when a girl is pregnant.

Klaus: What?

Hayley: I know. It's impossible.

Klaus: What are you saying?

Elijah: Niklaus... the girl is carrying your child.

Klaus: No. It's impossible. Vampires cannot procreate.

Sophie: But werewolves can. Magic made you a vampire, but you were born a werewolf. You're the original hybrid. The first of your kind, and this pregnancy is one of nature's loopholes.

Klaus: Your town?

Marcel: Damn straight.

Klaus: That's funny. Because when I left 100 years ago, you were just a pathetic little scrapper still trembling from the lashes of the whips of those who would keep you down, and now look at you. Master of your domain. Prince of the city. I'd like to know how.

Marcel: Why? Jealous? Hey, man, I get it. 300 years ago, you helped build a backwater penal colony into something. You started it, but then you left. Actually, you ran from it. I saw it through. Look around. Vampires rule the city now. We don't have to live in the shadows like rats. The locals know their place. They look the other way. I got rid of the werewolves. I even found a way to shut down the witches. The blood never stops flowing and the party never ends. You want to pass on through? You want to stay a while? Great. What's mine is yours, but it is mine. My home, my family, my rules.

Klaus: And if someone breaks those rules?

Marcel: They die. Mercy is for the weak. You taught me that, too. And I'm not the Prince of the Quarter, friend. I'm the king! Show me some respect.

Klaus: (bites a vampire) Your friend will be dead by the weekend. Which means I've broken one of your rules. And yet I cannot be killed. I am immortal. Who has the power now, friend?

Camille: The hundred dollar guy.

Klaus: The brave bartender. (looking at her name-pin) Camille. That's a French name.

Camille: He's...angry. Dark. Doesn't feel safe and doesn't know what to do about it. He wishes he could control his demons instead of having his demons control him. He's lost. Alone... (jokingly) Or... maybe he just drank too much tonight. Sorry, overzealous psyche major.

Klaus: No. I think you were probably right the first time.

Klaus: I forgot how much I liked this town.

Elijah: I didn't forget. All the centuries we've spent together, and yet I can count on one hand the number of times that our family has been truly happy. I hated leaving here.

Klaus: As did I.

Elijah: What is on your mind, brother?

Klaus: For a thousand years, I lived in fear. Any time I settled anywhere, our father would hunt me down and... chase me off. He made me feel powerless, and I hated it. This town was my home once, and in my absence, Marcel has gotten everything that I ever wanted. Power, loyalty, family. I made him in my image and he has bettered me. I want what he has. I want to be king.

Elijah: And what about Hayley and the baby?

Klaus: Every king needs an heir.

Damon: You look terrible.

Elena: I'm hungry. Not that you care.

Damon: But I do. That's the whole point. I do care. You don't care. It's about time for that to change. (gives Elena a blood bag)

Elena: (gags) Vervain?

Damon: How does that make you feel? Hurt because I'd betray you? Angry because I'd cause you pain? Or scared? Because you know it's gonna get a lot worse?

Elena: You boys want to play games? Go ahead. Let's see who breaks first. Me, or you?

Klaus: (on his cellphone) Caroline. I'm standing in one of my favorite places in the world, surrounded by food, music, art, culture, and all I can think about is how much I want to show it to you. Maybe one day you'll let me.

Damon: Relax. I just want to show you all the things you've been missing out on since you took the giant leap over the cuckoo's nest.

Caroline: I am not going to give up on you.

Elena: This annoying, clingy thing that you're doing, did it ever occur to you maybe that's why both of your boyfriends skipped town? I mean, I know that Tyler said he was running for his life. Maybe he was running from you. And Klaus... I mean, let's just say it: nobody likes a tease. Hey, I'm not judging. Might be nice to have a bad boy ruffle those perfect feathers.

Caroline: You're in pain you're lashing out. I get it, but you can't stay this way forever. We're about to graduate and start new lives, and you deserve--

Elena: Are you seriously talking about high school graduation? Caroline, do you realize how pathetic you're gonna look in that cap and gown pretending to be human while your mom fake-smiles and just counts down the minutes until you leave town so that you can stop being a reminder their daughter is a repulsive, blood-sucking, control freak monster? It's really too bad Stefan stopped me before I put you out of your misery, but, hey, here's to second chances.

Rebekah: Are they still keeping Elena trapped in the Salvatore mansion? I happen to like her just the way she is. It's tragic that they're trying so desperately to fix something that isn't broken.

Katherine: Lying, scheming and a secret rendezvous with moi, not very Bonnie Bennett-y, especially when Elena needs her favorite witch.

Damon: Oh, you know the rules, bad girls don't get nice jewelry.

Elena: You took my ring. I'm devastated. And bored. Can I go back to solitary now?

Elena: I said, I'm going to kill you!

Damon: Bingo! See? There's a little rage. I should have figured out that'd be the first emotion that came out of you. I tend to pull that out of people.

Stefan: Elena, look at me. We don't want to do this, okay? You can stop this right now. It's your choice.

Elena: Kind of funny, actually, you being the one to pull back the curtain. I bet part of you enjoys it since, you know, I dumped you and all.

Damon: Wow. That was downright vindictive. See? I think now we're breaking through that tough candy shell and getting into the ooey-gooey rich center of your humanity. This is good. I think we should shine some light on the subject.

Elena: Let me guess... this is gonna hurt you a lot more than it hurts me.

Stefan: Look, I know what you're going through. After all you've done, you're afraid to face the guilt you'll feel if you turn your emotions back on. The only way we can help you is to make the alternative hurt even worse.

Elena: I am the girl that you love. You wouldn't do anything to actually hurt me. You just proved that. So what do I really have to be afraid of?

Stefan: So that went well.

Damon: Every other vampire turns it on, no problem. You kill. You feed. You do all the awful things that a vampire does. And then when you're done, you turn it back on. Why is she being so stubborn?

Stefan: Because she has nothing to come back to. Her home's gone. Her family's gone. She alienated her friends. She destroyed her relationships.

Damon: No. She wants to come back. Scaring the hell out of her should have worked. She's smart. She know we're not gonna hurt her.

Stefan: All right. So we get somebody else, somebody who would really hurt her.

Damon: So we call her and then what? Beg her to help us out of the kindness of her own heart. You kidding me?

Stefan: Katherine was just abandoned by Elijah. She has nothing. She has no one. We invite her into our house to come torture Elena. There's no way she's gonna turn that down.

Damon: Seriously. You can't knock?

Katherine: Sorry. I didn't realize we were standing on formalities.

Rebekah: What the hell are you doing here?

Katherine: You didn't get the memo? I'm here to talk some sense into poor emotionless Elena.

Matt: Are you out of your mind?

Damon: You got a better idea, Prom King? Unless you want me to lock you up in there with her, I suggest you shut up and let the adults handle this.

Rebekah: Well, it looks like the lunatics have taken over the asylum.

Elena: What the hell are you doing here?

Katherine: Your boyfriends invited me. They want to know if you still have a heart. There it is. Your bodyguards won't let me kill you, but I can rip your throat out. So I don't have to listen to you whine. But first, satisfy my curiosity,what did you tell Elijah back in Willoughby?

Katherine: Tell me what you said to turn him against me or I will feed you your own eyeballs.

Elena: I didn't have to say anything. Look at you. A self-obsesses egomaniac on the run for 5 centuries. What good would you be to anyone? You're the definition of damaged goods. No wonder Elijah left you.

Katherine: Yeah, I've done some pretty horrible things to survive, but unlike you, poor, delicate Elena, I don't turn it off. I deal with it. You wouldn't last a week as a vampire without everyone fawning over you. By I'd love to see you try.

Damon: Enough. You are acting like a little spoiled brat. You know that? You think that we can't punish you. Maybe not. But I can sure punish him.

Matt: (weakly) Elena.

Elena: Seriously you think that this is...

Damon: Shut up. I'm done playing nice. Turn your emotions back on right now, Elena, or so help me, God, I will give you something to be sad about. I will kill him right here in front of you.

Stefan: Damon.

Damon: Don't "Damon" me. If she doesn't love anyone, fine. Prove it. And if I'm wrong, what difference does it make? One less bus boy.

Matt: Elena...

Elena: Your bluffing.

Damon: (snaps Matt's neck) How about now. Feel anything now? You angry I just turned your buddy into road kill? Or are you sad that the guy that everybody loves is just a bag of bones? Remember when he was a little kid, huh? Warm heart, big, goofy smile, his whole life ahead of him. I guess it was a good idea that he wearing this. (on Matt's hand is a Gilbert ring)

Katherine: I'm perfectly aware that tombstone isn't just a hunk of rock.

Bonnie: No kidding.

Katherine: And it got me thinking, all big spells require a source of power, a recurring element like a full moon, a comet. But that tombstone is filled with the blood of your ancient reflective Katsooyay or whatever.

Bonnie: Qetsiyah.

Katherine: She was powerful enough to create the other side. So maybe, if you have her blood, you don't need a full moon to drop the veil. Maybe you can do it whenever you want. The thing I can't figure out is why do you want to drop the veil at all?

Bonnie: I have my reasons.

Katherine: And again, I ask, what's in it for me?

Bonnie: You'll get the one thing you want most in this world-- freedom, survival. Never having to run from anyone again. Once I've dropped the veil, I can speak to Qetsiyah. She created the spell that made Silas truly immortal, invulnerable to any weapon. You'd like that for yourself, wouldn't you? I can give it to you.

Elena: "Brother and friend." What genius came up with that one? I give up, Jer. I really want to kill her for you, but... there's no point. Stefan's right. It's just a distraction. And... I can't. I can't do this. I can't-- I can't move on. And I don't want to. If that makes me weak, then fine, I'm weak. But I can't handle you... you being gone... and I can't handle feeling like this anymore.

Kol: Hello, old friend. Pity about your brother. Guess it's just me against you now.

Jeremy: (to Kol) How many times do I have to kill you?

Rebekah: (holding a graduation announcement) So, let me get this straight: you send out a notice of your impending graduation and people feel obliged to give you money?

Matt: Pretty much.

Rebekah: That sounds brilliant. Why aren't you participating?

Matt: I don't have a whole lot of family.

Rebekah: That makes two of us. Besides, I don't think it was my mother's dream to see me in a cap and gown. How about your mum?

Matt: Let's just say I'm not holding my breath for a graduation check.

Rebekah: So, what's the deal? I'm new to this whole emotional switch situation.

Elena: (while playing darts) It's not complicated. See that dart board? All I can picture is Katherine's face.

Rebekah: So your emotions are on, they're just dialed to rage.

Elena: Look, Rebekah. I get that we had our Thelma and Louise thing back when I had my humanity off, but let me make one thing clear: we're not friends.

Bonnie: Okay, this is the center of the triangle. I'm ready. Now, give me the tombstone.

Katherine: The fact that this spell hinges on some crappy hunk of blood-rock does little to inspire my confidence.

Bonnie: It's filled with the calcified blood of Qetsiyah, one of the strongest witches in the world. It'll work.

Damon: If I can see you... (he pats Alaric's arms and face) ...and I can touch you, that means the little witch did it. She dropped the veil.

Alaric: Well, not completely. It's only down inside the Expression triangle. If I step outside of it, it's back to ghost world.

Damon: Well, where is everybody? I figured with the veil down, it'd be like Ghost-a-palooza.

Alaric: Well, not every ghost has a reason to come back to Mystic Falls. Just the ones like me, looking after their idiot best friends.

Damon: I'm more worried about the ones looking out for their enemies.

Matt: (eyeing Kol) I'm assuming this means Bonnie dropped the veil.

Kol: Not completely, and not for long. But who am I to give up an opportunity for revenge? My killer's already dead, but his sister's just as culpable, so maybe you could help me find her.

Matt: If you hurt Elena, I swear...

Kol: (breaks a bottle against the bar) Oh, I'm going to. But please, continue. I'm curious as to where you're going with this.

Rebekah: You made your point, Kol. Now leave!

Kol: First tell me where I can find Elena.

Rebekah: She left here hours ago, we don't know where she is. Now get out!

Lexi: No, I've been laughing at you for a while, you just haven't been able to see me.

Stefan: Do you have any idea how much I've missed you?

Lexi: Trust me, I do. Although I see I've been replaced by another blonde?

Matt: In case Caroline didn't thank you for pulling her out of that hallucination earlier... thanks.

Rebekah: I'm just glad I got the chance to knock her upside the face.

Bonnie: You need to get rid of Silas' body.

Damon: Well, there's a slight problem, Medusa. Even though you turned him into stone, if he gets one more drop of blood he's back to his old mind tricks.

Bonnie: All right, so let's do what we should've done to Klaus. Let's drop his body in the middle of the ocean.

Stefan: The truth is, there are no shortcuts. You are a vampire, Elena. Loss is part of the deal. Look, I've been alive for 163 years. I have lost more loved ones than I can count, and it hurts me every single time.

Elena: So there's no hope? You're saying I'm hopeless?

Stefan: No, I'm saying you have to face your grief. But you don't have to do it alone... I can help you.

Elena: Oh, of course you can. God, Stefan! Always trying to help, and you're concerned for me, it's just like...

Stefan: You're transferring your rage onto me, that's good.

Rebekah: Why won't you ever let me help you?

Matt: It's not you, I just... Look, people in this town have a bad habit of turning into vampires, and I'd like to graduate high school as a human.

Kol: Welcome back. It was our deaths that allowed this day to come to pass, massacres in the name of resurrecting the immortal Silas. 12 hybrids, 12 witches, the slaughter of innocents by the so-called hero protectors of Mystic Falls. They risked unleashing hell on earth for their own selfish gains, and today... that's exactly what they're going to get.

Damon: Stefan, you just gonna sit there and let her enact her ghostly revenge?

Stefan: You reap what you sow, buddy.

Lexi: Let's be very clear. Whatever time I have left here I sure as hell don't plan on wasting on you. Got me?

Damon: Yeah. Got you. So if you and Ric and little Gilbert are all flesh-like and real-seeming, that means something went horribly wrong when Bonnie tried to put the veil up, and here you two are having "Dance Party USA".

Stefan: You're right. How selfish of me to be indulging in these precious moments with my formerly dead best friend. I should be sacrificing my own happiness for the good of others, right? I should be upstairs grooming my hero hair.

Damon: Are you drunk?

Stefan: I don't know, mom, am I?

[Lexi laughs]

Damon: Well I guess that's one way to celebrate our supernatural apocalypse. Now care to hazard any guesses in what the hell went wrong?

Bonnie: I hit kind of a snag.

Caroline: A snag? A snag is a bad yearbook picture. You hit a tsunami. Where are you?

Bonnie: Trying to fix it. I'm running into some trouble. I need to wait until the full moon tonight to have enough power to put the veil back up.

Caroline: Are you telling me that we might graduate right smack in the middle of a ghost-filled expression triangle?

Bonnie: Maybe we should just cancel.

Caroline: No! We are not going to cancel. Graduation is the most important event of our lives, the last ceremony of our youth. It is our rite of freaking passage! Hell will freeze over before I let anyone cancel graduation.

Bonnie: Can you not make jokes about hell freezing over? We're not that far off from that already.

Alaric: So you get off on terrorizing innocent people?

Connor: And who might you be?

Alaric: I'm the guy responsible for the 18-year-old you just threatened.

Connor: Well, that 18-year-old snapped my neck with her bare hands.

Alaric: I'm also the guy who showed her how to do that.

Connor: Heh heh. That's ironic. You must not know a damn thing about fighting if you're trying to intimidate a dead guy packing C-4.

Alaric: This is my bar, pal. Nobody's gonna blow it up.

Rebekah: It's just been settled. I'm gonna show you life as you've only dreamt it. We'll start in Italy. There's a lovely little church outside San Vittore in Brienno...

Alexander: Romantic spot, popular for weddings.

Rebekah: And then I'll show you the Northern Lights in the springtime, the Simatai gorge from atop the Great Wall of China, every inch of the Louvre...

Matt: China, Paris, Northern Lights. It's a date.

Katherine: I don't think red's really your color, Bon-Bon.

Bonnie: And here I was hoping the ghost of anyone would have killed you already.

Katherine: Funny you should mention death because I'm here to collect that immortality you've promised me.

Bonnie: Funny you think you're still going to get it. I told you, Qetsiyah's the only witch who knows the immortality spell. If she was a no-show, you're out of luck.

Katherine: See? Here's the thing, Bonnie. I can't disagree with you because I have been feeling out of luck lately, but you know who has been getting all of my luck? My beloved doppelganger, Elena. My shadow self is living a better life than I am, so if I don't get that immortality, I may just have to get rid of her altogether.

Bonnie: Did you just threaten my best friend? I can crush your skull without even flinching.

Katherine: Go ahead. Make your move.

Elena: Hey.

Damon: Hey.

Elena: So I think there's some stuff you and I need to talk about.

Damon: Yes, we do, but first... (holds out the cure) Consider it a graduation present.

Elena: Damon, I can't take that.

Damon: Sure you can. Looks like it might be cherry flavored.

Elena: I'm not saying I don't want it. Obviously I want it, but that's the only one. There's only one cure, and the Hunters have made it pretty clear that they're willing to kill everyone in Mystic Falls until they get it.

Damon: Elena, take the damn thing. I want you to take it.

Elena: I can't.

Damon: Well, I guess that answers the sire bond question. (floor creaks) You gonna help a brother out or you just gonna lurk?

Jeremy: Look, Elena. You're my sister, and I love you no matter what you choose.

Damon: How is it even when you're dead, you're the bane of my existence?

Lexi: You know, you're missing your chance to weigh in on the great Elena Gilbert cure debate.

Stefan: What am I supposed to do, tell her it's her choice? Because that worked out so well. You know, it's funny. Those two are in there arguing about how to protect the world, and they have yet to address their biggest issue.

Stefan: She's the love of my life. I'd go back to her in a heartbeat. But if that's not how she feels, then maybe that's exactly what I need to hear to get my ass out the door. Maybe I will move to Australia. I can live in a yurt.

Damon: And here I was so moved by your speech to save mankind. (listens) Sounds like Vaughn's awake.

Elena: Damon, wait!

[cut to the living room]

Damon: Here.

Stefan: What the hell are you doing?

Damon: Digging up Silas. Coming, Vaughn, or not?

Damon: Here we are!

Vaughn: What is it?

Damon: This is where I dumped Silas. Closed off to hikers, no food for animals, endlessly deep water.

Vaughn: I'm not following you, Damon. Where exactly did you put the body?

Damon: Well, um, let me see. So I-- I dragged his stone ass through here, I flung him in that general direction, and he tumbled down into those weeds. I kinda lost him in the rocks. What do you know about physics? What is it? It's distance equals velocity times time? Guess I should have told you to bring some scuba gear, huh?

Rebekah: Fine. Ok. The first rule of truly living-- do the thing you're most afraid of. [kisses Matt]

Caroline: Klaus, now is not the time to decide that you are over me -- I'm gonna call you every ten minutes until you get your ass here to save Damon's life.

Klaus: There are plenty more of these to go around. Who's next? I can do this all day.

Damon: Hi.

Elena: Are you feeling better?

Damon: Yeah.

Elena: So it's all healed up?

Damon: Fresh as a daisy.

Elena: Good. (slaps him)

Lexi: [listening from the living room] Ouch.

Alaric: Yeah. I taught her that swing.

Stefan: You know it's not polite to eavesdrop, right?

Lexi: Hey, I'm short on time here, don't rob me of what little joy I have.

Lexi: You know there's something else out there, right? There has to be. Silas' whole agenda was to find peace with his one true love, and whatever peace is, it's out there. I figure once we've served our time for all the bad things we've done, then it's just about letting go and moving on.

Alaric: And how are we supposed to do that when the knuckleheads we care about can't seem to keep their lives straight?

Lexi: Yeah.

Stefan: So, uh, what's up?

Elena: Honestly, Stefan, I just wanted to thank you for sticking by me when I was at my worst, for believing that I was still in there. Even after everything I put you through, you... you never gave up on me.

Stefan: I, uh, I kind of owed you one.

Elena: Here. It's yours. I want you to have it.

Stefan: [opens hand to reveal the cure] No, Elena. I'm not--

Elena: Stefan, the only person worse at being a vampire than me is you. Human blood is your downfall. You got the raw end of the vampire deal. The rest of us will be fine. We'll survive. I mean, you taught us! You deserve whatever you want out of life. You deserve this.

Caroline: How'd you get here so fast?

Klaus: I was already on my way. I received your graduation announcement. It's very subtle. I assume you're expecting cash.

Caroline: That or a mini fridge.

Klaus: Well I had considered offering you a first-class ticket to join me in New Orleans, but I knew what your answer would be, so I opted for something I knew you would accept. Tyler is now free to return to Mystic Falls.

Caroline: What?

Klaus: He's your first love. I intend to be your last, however long it takes. [Kisses her cheek] Congratulations, Caroline. Lets get out of here before 12 angry hybrids decide to pick a fight.

Damon: I wanted to apologize.

Elena: Good.

Damon: Let me finish! I said wanted to. And then I realized, I'm not sorry!

Elena: You would rather die than be human, and you expect me to be okay with that?

Damon: I didn't say you were supposed to be okay with it, I just said I'm not sorry! You know what I really am? Selfish. Because I make bad choices that hurt you. Yes, I would rather have died than be human. I'd rather die right now than spend a handful of years with you only to lose you when I'm too old and sick and miserable and you're still you. I'd rather die right now than spend my last, final years remembering how good I had it and how happy I was because that's who I am, Elena, and I'm not gonna change, and there's no apology in the world that encompasses all the reasons that I'm wrong for you!

Elena: Fine. Then I'm not sorry either. I'm not sorry that I met you. I'm not sorry that knowing you has made me question everything. That in death, you're the one that made me feel most alive. You've been a terrible person. You've made all the wrong choices, and of all the choices that I have made, this will prove to be the worst one, but I am not sorry that I'm in love with you! I love you, Damon. I love you.

Alaric: You got the girl, man.

Damon: I got the girl.

Alaric: Now don't screw it up.

Damon: Well, with you looking over my shoulder, how can I?

Lexi: New York?

Stefan: Too close.

Lexi: Ohh! Vegas!

Stefan: Oh. No. Too touristy.

Lexi: Look. I know you think I'm joking, but you are leaving. You just graduated for the millionth time. It's time to start living your life.

Stefan: What if Elena was the one?

Lexi: She was, and she will always be an epic love. Contrary to popular belief, there are actually multiple ones, especially for a vampire. The only way to find another is to let go and move on.

Stefan: Never been to Portland. [he looks over to see an empty seat] See you, Lexi.

Silas: That's the funny thing about spells. They're bound by nature, and nature demands balance, so every spell has a loophole. The spell that turned me to stone was bound by a witch, a living witch, so when that witch died, the spell broke.

Stefan: Bonnie. Bonnie's not dead.

Silas: Doesn't matter, does it? And here's where the mystery of me comes full circle. I created the immortality spell 2,000 years ago. I could never die, so nature needed to find a balance, a version of me that could die. A shadow self; a doppelganger.

Stefan: So this is finally your real face? You're another one of them?

Caroline: He's deferring from enrolling and deferring from returning my calls, so I'm deferring from having sex with him ever again.

Damon: Please tell me you found her.

Jeremy: I didn't, but Matt did.

Damon: Huh. How shockingly useful.

Katherine: Are these ropes really necessary?

Jeremy: A bullet would have been more effective, but we're trying to be nice.

Katherine: Don't play the hero. You two are just waiting for the convenient time to hand me back over to him. I've done this a thousand times. I get it. I'm the leverage. I'm that thing that everybody wants. I'm the freaking moonstone.

Damon: You do realize that you are dating a reformed serial killer, right?

Jeremy: You are not getting out of the car because you want an aspirin.

Katherine: Then maybe I can get out of the car because I need to pee, like, in a bathroom. Like a lady.

Silas: Look, I get why you like her. I mean, I have a soft spot for brunettes, too. What I don't get is why she likes you.

Damon: That's because you haven't had sex with me.

Caroline: Seriously? That's Jesse! I kind of liked him...

Damon: What did Silas tell you to do?

Elena: Get you alone, weaken you, then kill you.

Jeremy: Get in the truck and drive.

Katherine: Where are you going?

Jeremy: I can't leave Matt.

Katherine: Uh, wai-- huh? How do you think I survived 500 years? It wasn't because I was a vampire. It's because I never looked back. Don't be dumb. Survive.

Jeremy: That's why people treat you like an object and not like a person.

Caroline: I think we need to set some ground rules for when boyfriends come to visit.

Elena: That's Stefan's Daylight ring.

Damon: I snagged it from Silas yesterday. And for the record, I am secure enough in our relationship that you having psychic dreams about your ex-boyfriend does not bother me. ...But it still sucks.

Elena: It was just so vivid. I saw Stefan walking out of this bar. It had a red awning and this broken neon sign, and he was screaming in pain.

Damon: Well, should I go check in the attic, see if there's a crystal ball? Maybe you could conjure up an address.

Katherine: Route 29. Joe's bar. I think I had the exact same dream.

Elena: I know it sounds crazy that I'm following some psychic dream, but it's the only lead that we have.

Damon: It doesn't "sound" crazy, it is crazy. But I'm open-minded.

Damon: Ok...train's leaving the station. Choo-choo.

Silas: You ever play the "What If" game? When you're calcified for 2,000 years you learn to entertain yourself with these little brain teasers.

Stefan: I don't want to hurt you, so get away from me, before I rip your throat out.

Qetsiyah: Hello to you, too. I brought dinner. A vampire doppelganger who's burdened by a conscience. Now I've seen everything.

Qetsiyah: Love bends the rules of possible. Silas and I were the two most powerful members of a gifted people called Travelers. When we were engaged to be married, we decided to reach even further.

Silas: (flashback) I don't ever want to be parted from you, even by death.

Qetsiyah: We wanted to find a way for our love to last forever.

Stefan: Yeah, look. I know the story. Everything was great for Silas until some witch named Qetsiyah or whatever came by and screwed him over, right?

Qetsiyah: Wrong. You don't know the story. Silas convinced Qetsiyah that he loved her so she would make the immortality spell, but when she found out that he was just using her, she dumped him in a tomb with a cure, hoping he would take it and die because she had created a supernatural limbo to trap his soul.

Stefan: Like any other sane, rational, well-adjusted woman would do.

Qetsiyah: Which catches us up to today. Now Silas wants to destroy that supernatural limbo. Once the other side is gone, he can take the cure, become mortal, and die, and finally pass on and find peace.

Stefan: Look. If you really are Silas' one true love and you're not dead, then why don't you just do us a favor and run off into the sunset together?

Qetsiyah: Silas was my true love. I never said I was his. I'm Qetsiyah, that sane, rational, well-adjusted woman you seem to know so much about. Clearly you've heard the man's version of the story, the one where I'm a back-stabbing lunatic who ruined everything for Silas, a raging bitch witch whose obsession with vengeance created a whole new dimension of suffering in the afterlife.

Stefan: What are you doing here? I thought you were dead and on the other side?

Qetsiyah: I was for 2,000 years, but I came back... For you.

Stefan: So Silas was the first version of me and your friend was the first version of Elena?

Qetsiyah: Amara was hardly a friend. When they drank the immortality elixir, they violated the natural law that all living things must die, so nature found a balance by creating mortal shadow selves.

Stefan: Doppelgangers.

Qetsiyah: Like you and Katherine and Elena, all caused by the ripple effect from Silas and Amara's sin.

Damon: Wait, what? No. She almost killed you!

Elena: We don't have time for a detour, Damon - Stefan's hurt. Find him.

Damon: Wait, no! Stop. Just...wait. Any sign of trouble, you let her go - do you understand me? I don't care how bad Silas wants Katherine, she's not worth a hair on your head. You got me? Okay. Kiss me.

Qetsiyah: Have you not been listening to me? I have trust issues. I'm controlling and paranoid and a little crazy. And that's working out just fine.

Damon: What are you doing to my brother?

Qetsiyah: I'm frying Silas' brain. No one said it would be pretty.

Qetsiyah: Don't flatter yourself. It was like watching a soap opera, except boring and with no volume control.

Nadia: You said you were hungry.

Katherine: For food, not packaged poison.

Elena: Tell me what Qetsiyah said back at the cabin.

Damon: She told me that...we don't stand a chance.

Elena: And what does she know about us?

Damon: Well, she told me a very interesting little story about the history of Doppelgangers; how they're fated to fall in love with eachother. Basically, the universe programmed you to fall in love with Stefan, not me. Which means...we're a lost cause no matter what we do. (pauses) I'm paraphrasing.

Elena: ..."The universe"?

Damon: Her words, not mine.

Elena: So...she's crazy.

Damon: Maybe. Maybe she's not...

Elena: Look. I know I spent the last couple days focusing on trying to find Stefan, but that has nothing to do with how I feel about you, and I'm not gonna let Silas' 2,000-year-old ex-girlfriend screw things up between us.

Damon: You think I am? I mean, no one tells me how I live my life, no one tells me who I love. Especially not some vindictive, prehistoric witch and definitely not the universe. And I'm not gonna let someone else's idea of destiny stop me from loving you, or being with you, or building a future with you, because...you are my life.

Stefan: I know "nada" means nothing. I know what day it is, I know what year it is, I know this car has a V-8 engine, and yet I am two journals deep, and I have absolutely no memory of who the hell I am.

Caroline: It's possible I studied up on my chem, biochem, applied microbio, molecular bio, and "Gray's Anatomy" - the real one and the television show.

Stefan: This town always so upbeat about dead people?

Damon: Well, in the theme of morbid town tradition, you go back to the 1820s when everyone was so paranoid about the cholera thing that they would occasionally bury a body a wee bit before its time.

Stefan: So we have a holiday dedicated to burying people alive?

Damon: Well, they were so paranoid that they would actually request to be buried with a string attached to a bell above the ground, and then the whole family would hang around the grave for 24 hours in hopes of hearing the bell and that their loved one would come back, but now it's just really-- it's a really kick-ass excuse to get hammered.

Damon: Well unfortunately, Stefan, there are two types of vampires in the world, OK? There are those who can handle moderation, and then there's you.

Stefan: What kind of name is Honoria Fell?

Damon: Shh. You're kind of the one that killed her.

Stefan: Oh.

Stefan: Well, I, uh, I certainly hope your family history was happier than mine.

Elena: Well, let's see. In the last three years, I lost my adoptive parents, my birth parents, my aunt, our guardian Alaric, and my brother Jeremy died, although he came back to life, so there's that.

Stefan: Wait. Jeremy that lives in our house?

Elena: Yeah. After I had a breakdown and burned my house to the ground.

Stefan: Hmm.

Elena: What?

Stefan: How do I not remember you? I mean, you're smart, you're pretty, you're funny. Obviously, you're the strongest woman in the world if you managed to figure out a way to get through all that.

Elena: I surround myself with amazing people who help me through it. Like you. You're one of those people.

Stefan: So bonded by death? Please don't tell me that we meet in a cemetery. (Elena grins) Really? We met in a cemetery?

Caroline: A theory often used to explain a contradictory relationship between predator and prey.

Jesse: And why does the supposedly weaker species always stay one step ahead?

Caroline: Fear of extinction. The rabbit is faster than the fox because the fox is chasing its dinner. The rabbit's running for its life.

Stefan: I'm good right? I'm compassionate. I live with this burning hunger inside of me that allows me to stay in control... But what do I have to show for it? Huh?

Jesse: I don't know you man!

Stefan: I have no memories because my brain was fried, my brother, who's been my brother for 160 some odd years, stole my girlfriend....and my girlfriend let him. So, you tell me... what's the point of being good?

Elena (voice over): Dear Diary, do you ever get sick of me writing about death?

(Elena doesn't pick up)

Damon: Busted.

Elena: Hey.

Damon: Hey, Miss avoiding me for three days.

Elena: Avoiding my? What? We've been talking.

Damon: Texting one time. "Want to be my plus one at a costume party?" Winky face.

Nadia: In 1864, there was a vampire roundup in Mystic Falls.

Katherine: Was there? I'm bad with dates.

Nadia: Word on the street is that you sold out many vampires, including your best friend Pearl and her daughter Annabelle.

Katherine: I was running from Klaus. I needed to jet solo. I threw a couple of vampire names on a hit list. Sue me. I also impersonated a teenager to get my ex-boyfriends to make out with me, staged a fake fight to trigger my lover's werewolf curse, ooh, and I chopped off this douchey guy's fingers with a butcher knife once. That was cool.

Nadia: What about ripping a mother away from her daughter? Having her killed for your own benefit?

Katherine: What are you getting at?

Nadia: Now a little bit about me. I had myself turned into a vampire to hunt you, to even the playing field, to track your every move for however long it took me until I found you, and I did this because you killed my mother. It happened in Paris, 1645.

Katherine: I go to Paris for shoes. The shoes I remember. Everything else requires a few more details.

Nadia: Her name was Lily Atoma. You were on the run from Klaus. She took you in, but when his minions show up, you pointed at my mom, and you said, "That is Katerina Petrova. She is the one you want." So they took her away.

Katherine: You were never going to let me go, were you?

Nadia: No, but I'd hate for you die on an empty stomach.

Tyler: Did I mention you're the hottest serial killer in here?

Caroline: Well, considering the crowd, I'll take that as a compliment.

Tyler: I thought you got Stefan a costume.

Caroline: He's James Dean. I went easy on him. I figured between the blood lust drama, the Damon-Elena drama, the amnesia drama, he's been through enough.

Damon: Lady Ann Boleyn. Now, who in their right mind would cut off a head so gorgeous?

Elena: Uh, you, my King, my not-so-loving husband.

Damon: Well, maybe I can dance my way out of this doghouse.

Tessa: Where I come from, open bar meant ceramic jugs of Phoenician wine.

Stefan: Ok.

Tessa: You have no idea who I am, do you?

Stefan: No offense, but actually, I have no idea who a lot of people are.

Tessa: Tessa, formerly known as Qetsiyah.

Stefan: The girl who wiped my memories.

Tessa: Nothing personal, little ex-boyfriend drama. Let me make it up to you, buy you an "I'm sorry" drink.

Katherine: I want to know why you made up that fake story about your mom.

Nadia: It was a test. You failed.

Katherine: I knew it was a fake story. By 1645, I'd been running from Klaus for a century and a half. There's no way any of his minions would have mistaken anyone for me. But you know how my brain works, right? So you must have known that I wouldn't have fallen for that sob story.

Nadia: I wanted to get under your skin, and it worked because here you are.

Katherine: What kind of sick game are you playing?

Nadia: It's not a game, Katherine. You did kill my mother, but it wasn't Paris. It was in a little cottage in England, and it wasn't 1645. It was April 6, 1492, and she was all alone, exiled by her family two years earlier. You stuck her head in a noose, pushed her off the chair, and snapped her neck.

Damon: But this is our life, which probably means that somebody's gonna walk through that door and shatter it.

Elena: Oh, don't say that.

Damon: In 10...9...

Elena: Just let me enjoy the moment.

Damon: 6...5...

Elena: Damon, today is the day that we're gonna bring Bonnie back. It's a good day.

Damon: 3...2...

Elena: Damon, it's a good day.

Silas: Greetings.

Damon: One.

Silas: Good morning, frenemies.

Silas: Oh, you don't think that I keep my promises,

Elena: You said that now you're a witch again you would bring Bonnie back from the other side.

Silas: I did, and I can.

Elena: And you promised Damon that you would to that if he helped you.

Silas: Yeah.

Elena: But you're kind of evil. No offense.

Silas: None taken.

Elena: So I'm just trying to figure out how I can trust one of your last acts in this world will be to bring my best friend back.

Silas: Did you want me to pinky swear?

Damon: New Jersey? The supernatural other world is bound by an object in Snooki's backyard?

Tessa: You know that old, ancient story I told you about the Travelers? Oh, wait. You don't. I fried your brain and took your memories. Sorry. The Travelers- you know how Silas wants to destroy the other side so he can be at peace with that slut Amara that he calls his one true love? The Travelers don't want that.

Stefan: Why not?

Tessa: Not important. Scratch that. Very important. I'm just not gonna answer it.

Silas: I love love. I do. Yeah. I have a soul mate, too, you know, that love at first sight, want to live forever, love is eternal kind of love? Amara. That's her name. See, the problem is when I first meet Amara, I was with another woman, so I kind of cheated on her, which to be honest with you, it really wouldn't have been that big of a deal except it turned out that the other woman was a raging lunatic. So when she found out that I cheated on her, she freaked out, turned Amara into stone, like, literally, Medusa style.

Guy: Dude, are you, like, ok?

Silas: What do you mean? You think I'm crazy? Why do you think I'm crazy? All I've wanted for the last 2,000 years is to reunited with the love of my life. How's that crazy?

Girl: Maybe the turned her into stone part.

Guy: Or the 2,000 years part.

Silas: No. Guys, we were both immortal, and now we're not. Hello? Look. The point is I finally had the chance to hold Amara in my arms, and what does she do? She jams a chunk of glass in my carotid artery. Look, look.

Guy: No, thanks.

Silas: Listen, you two. Here's my advice. Live it up. You know, enjoy this love while it lasts because let me tell you something. Just a couple of days ago, I was psychic, I was immortal, I was in love. Now my neck hurts, my soul is crushed, I'm sitting in a bus stop in frigging Delaware.

Silas: I think I'm liquefying his internal organs. Did I fail to mention that I'm a witch?

Girl: Please stop. Please just stop.

Silas: No! I'm pissed off at the world, and I'm taking it out on your so-called lover. And I'm thinking you might be my next victim. (girl runs away) Look at that! Unbelievable. Love is so damn fickle. Incredible. Here you go, buddy. Come on up, come on up, come on up. Up you go. That's good, good. Buses, however... tried and true.

Damon: October 1852.

Stefan: You broke my nose trying to teach me how to throw a right hook.

Damon: But not on purpose just to be clear. How much did you pay for that hunk of junk motorcycle that you ride?

Stefan: That's a trick question. You bought me that motorcycle, although I'm guessing it was pretty expensive.

Damon: So Tessa just gave you back your memories, no strings attached?

Stefan: Well, it wasn't exactly a gift. It was a lot to take in all at once, everything from blowing out the candles on my first birthday cake...drowning in a safe.

Katherine: So what am I looking at here, hmm, blood clot, tumor, what?

Max: I did a full workup on your blood, Katherine. It's clean.

Katherine: My hair is going gray, and my teeth are falling out. I'm not sure what the suggests, but it's definitely not health.

Max: Patient is irritable. Not sure if this is a symptom or personality.

Katherine: (breaks the recorder) Personality. Now tell me exactly what the hell is going on with me.

Max: You're aging.

Katherine: What?

Max: You said you were turned into a vampire 500 years ago, give or take, and now that your human, let's say time is catching up with you.

Katherine: Ok. Ok. Well, how do we stop it?

Max: We don't. It's just life running its course quicker than normal.

Katherine: How much quicker?

Max: If it continues at this rate, you have a few months. I'm sorry.

Jeremy: Relax. I'm-- I'm just bringing dinner.

Amara: I know you.

Jeremy: I don't think so.

Amara: You're the Hunter. I never forget a face, but Silas killed you. You're dead.

Jeremy: I was. I came back.

Amara: How? I said how? (to Bonnie) It was you, wasn't it? You're a witch. You brought him back.

Bonnie: You can see me?

Amara: Of course I can see you. I'm not blind. I have eyes. Or are you dead? I get so mixed up. I can't tell the difference between the living and the dead.

Jeremy: Can you see people on the other side?

Amara: I am the anchor to the other side. I can see everything. Gah! Don't touch me! Please don't-- don't touch me.

Bonnie: I can touch her.

Jeremy: Ok. That's weird.

Bonnie: Jer, I think I've got an idea.

(Scene shift)

Jeremy: Amara could see Bonnie, and Bonnie could touch her. They made physical contact. It's like Amara's got a foot on each side or something.

Elena: Amara exists in both places at once, here and the other side?

Damon: Then she's not crazy crazy, she's just talking to dead supernatural beings roaming around in our basement.

Bonnie: That's not the point.

Jeremy: The point is, if Silas isn't going to help us, what if Bonnie could be the same thing? What if she existed on both sides at once? What if she became the anchor?

Elena: You're right. Jeremy, you're right. So all we need is someone who could do that spell.

Damon: Oh, please don't say who I think you're gonna say.

Elena: Think about it. Silas wants Amara to die, and Amara wants Amara to die, so who besides us is the one person with the biggest stake against letting that happen?

Damon: For now. Silas is literally on his way here to kill her. He's completely obsessed with destroying the other side so that he and Amara can live happily ever after in the great beyond. Man, you were right about these Doppelgängers. They do always end up together. So how does it feel to say, "I told you so"?

Tessa: Like I want to shoot fireballs at Silas and drown him in acid.

Damon: See? That's what I thought. So how would you feel about making us a deal?

Damon: So here's my pitch. In order to keep the other side in place, you need something to anchor the spell, right, something powerful, like an immortal being powerful. Now Amara was obviously a great choice until she downed the cure, so would you consider someone who's dead but stuck on the other side a viable candidate?

Tessa: An anchor swap?

Damon: Because I've got a volunteer.

Tessa: I'd be making a ghost a human toll booth between our side and the other side, giving her the power to interact with our physical world and the supernatural purgatory.

Damon: So what's the problem?

Tessa: I need a massive amount of power to do a transfer spell like that.

Damon: Fine. Name your poison.

Tessa: I need something to draw on. The moon's not full, I don't think there's a worthy comet for another couple billion years.

Damon: think hard. I have a girlfriend at home who misses her best friend and a wacky stowaway on suicide watch. It's ridiculous.

Damon: You want Doppelgänger blood? I got Doppelgängers coming out of my ears. How many do you want?

Nadia: You hate junk food. You call it toxic poison.

Katherine: Yeah? Well, I've decided to live a little. Now may I be excused, scary vampire daughter?

Nadia: You've been avoiding me, I don't like it.

Katherine: clearly.

Nadia: We had a moment you and i, there was a bond. and then nothing. You abandoned me all over again.

Katherine: Okay. first of all, i never abandoned you, you were snatched out of my arms at birth because my father thought i was a knocked up shameful slut. and second of all, it's been 500 years, do we really have to do this whole mother-daughter bonding thing? the estrangement is so much easier, don't you think?

Caroline: sorry to Interrupt the world's weirdest lunch, [to Katherine] but you with the Doppelgänger blood, duty calls.

Katherine: wonderful, now that Katherine is a human and fragile, everyone thinks that they can just boss her around.

Stefan: Look, I thought that killing Silas would allow me to move on with my life, but I was wrong. I spent my summer locked in a safe. One minute, I think I'm fine, the next minute I feel like I'm dying all over again.

Katherine: Oh. Classic PTSD. You survived a pretty traumatic event, and now you're back, and you've got nothing but free time to just relive that terrible experience in the safe. Well, allow me to give your life a purpose. Help me with one little favor.

Stefan: Should have known this was gonna come around to you needing something from me.

Katherine: I'm just trying to help. What would I know about post-traumatic stress? I only had my newborn ripped from my arms by my judgmental father ,and then had to run 500 years after my entire family had been slaughtered by a psychopath. But hey, that didn't have any lingering side effects...

Damon: Love what you've done with the place. You know, if this whole boarding house thing doesn't pan out, you can always turn it into a high-class brothel.

Katherine: (voice-over) Dear Diary, so here I am alive. Stefan saved me from killing myself. Now he's got me on suicide watch. He says it will be therapeutic for me to write down my feelings about the fact that I'm dying and there's nothing I can do about it. Deep thoughts, mortal coil, blah, blah, blah. Ugh. My hand's tired. (to Stefan) What kind of sentimental idiot writes down everything hey feel? Is this what the prophecy meant when it said that all the Doppelgängers were drawn together like magnets? Because if it is, I any my money back.

Stefan: I'm just trying to make sure you don't slit your wrists.

Katherine: Well, this whole neurotic granny vibe doesn't exactly make me want to live. Do you really have nothing better to do than stand there all day and watch me write in cursive?

Stefan: I'm trying to make sure you don't kill yourself.

Katherine: And how are you going to do that, you know, since you're still having your little panic attacks?

Stefan: I'm fine.

Katherine: Yeah. Of course. You are the picture of mental health, Stefan, after being locked for 3 months in a safe at the bottom of a quarry.

Stefan: I am dealing with it.

Katherine: I know. I mean, I heard you "dealing" with it earlier today in the library. It sounded like you freaked out and broke a chair, maybe even two. How are you supposed to help me stay alive if you can't even help yourself?

Stefan: So does this mean you want to live?

Katherine: No. It means that I can't work with people who can't give me 100%.

Caroline: As she should! I mean, he did say-- and I quote-- "I am a bad person. I am bad for you and I am choosing to let you go."

Elena: You memorized my breakup?

Caroline: Of course I did.

Caroline: It's Stefan.

Elena: Tell him I don't feel like talking.

Bonnie: She doesn't feel like talking.

Caroline: (to Stefan) She doesn't feel like talking.

Damon: Rule number one, think of the worst thing Katherine Pierce has ever done to you. Rule number two, toast to the glory of her impending death. Rule number three, if you come across something that's worse-- which you will-- repeat rules one and two. She pretended to be buried in a tomb for 145 years while I waited for her lying ass. (Damon drinks) Wait. Does that beat pretended to be Elena and kissing me on the front porch of your old house?

Jeremy: I don't think so.

Damon: I don't think so either, damn. Quarterback, go.

Matt: Uh....

Damon: Think on that. Little Gilbert.

Jeremy: She fed me to Silas, and I died.

Damon: Doozy.

Jeremy: Then she made me crash my car into a pole and left me for dead. Again.

Damon: Doubly doozy. Drink.

Matt: My sister's dead because of her.

Damon: Yes, she is because I wouldn't have even been in town to turn Vicki into a murderous vampire if I wasn't trying to get Katherine out of the tomb she wasn't in. Group shot.

Elena: Seriously?

Matt: Elena, we were just, uh--

Elena: I know what you're doing. (to Jeremy) You're cut off. If anyone is drinking to Katherine's last days, it's gonna be me. She impersonated me repeatedly... Made Aunt Jenna stab herself in the stomach and cut off Uncle John's fingers.

Jeremy: He might have deserved that.

Bonnie: My Grams died trying to close a tomb. She wasn't in.

Caroline: Tyler's werewolf curse got triggered because of her.

Elena: Klaus followed her to Mystic Falls, and because of that, we lost Jenna.

Damon: And Alaric.

Matt: We're gonna need more booze.

Elena: She tried to kill me at least twice.

Caroline: She did kill me, although I'm weirdly better off.

Damon: Rumor has it she burnt down the entire city of Atlanta once.

Jeremy: That might win.

Stefan: All right. Knock it off or take it somewhere else. You guys are being insensitive.

Stefan: In 1864, Katherine moved into my home, she compelled me to love her, seduced my brother, fed us full of vampire blood, and then started a war with the town that got us killed.

Damon: Exactly. Bottoms up.

Stefan: But centuries before that, she was just an innocent girl who was shunned by her family, so for 500 years, she lied and manipulated and did whatever she had to do survive, and she did. She's a survivor, right. So that's the girl that I will drink to today. Cheers.

Damon: Please. One night of hot sex with her, and your brainwashed?

Elena: What?!

Bonnie: What?!

Caroline: Oh, my-- I forgot to tell you. You were kidnapped and hostages and--

Stefan: Bottle's empty actually.

Damon: That's why you never send a busboy to do a man's job. Nadia, the devil's spawn. Hey, Caroline. Did you remember to tell Elena that?

Elena: I think my mind just exploded.

Klaus: You're not even the least bit curious as to why I'm here?

Caroline: I literally just whooshed at the sight of your face, so no.

Klaus: Damon informed me that Katerina Petrova has taken a tragic turn.

Caroline: So you're here to gloat over her corpse to be, to delight in the closure of 500 years of revenge! Great! Now I'm even less interested.

John: Hello, fingers. Goodbye, fingers.

Stefan: Guess it's a good thin I'm not claustrophobic anymore.

Elena: That's what Katherine helped you with-- Silas aftermath.

Stefan: She did.

Elena: Can I just hate her anyway?

Stefan: You can.

Elena: Thank you.

Stefan: But I don't. I know I should, but for some reason, I keep rooting for her to find peace. Katherine's not the only one, you know? Damon keeps pushing you away because he hates himself, who he is, what's he done. Just remember that you never gave up on me, so don't give up on him. Don't let him give up on you either, ok?

Klaus: So the quarterback has been saved. What now?

Caroline: Don't you have a dying girl to go punish for all of her sins?

Klaus: I do, but I won't for you.

Caroline: So you came all the way to Mystic Falls just to back off when I ask you to?

Klaus: No. I came all the way to Mystic Falls to gloat over a corpse to be, as you so poetically put it, but I will leave minus the gloating in return for one small thing.

Caroline: And what is that?

Klaus: I want your confession.

Caroline: My confession? I didn't do anything. Confession about what?

Klaus: Me. As soon as we're done here, I'm gonna walk away, and I'm never coming back. You'll never again have to look me in the eye and cover our connection with hostility and revulsion. You'll never have to loathe the darkest parts of yourself that care fore in spite of all I've done. I will be gone, and you will be free. I just... Want you to be honest with me.

Caroline: I'm in college. I'm building a life for myself. I have plans and a future and things that I want, and none of those things involve you, ok, none of them.

Klaus: I see.

Caroline: No, you don't because, yes, I cover our connection with hostility because, yes, I hate myself for the truth, so if you promise to walk away like you said an never come back, then, yes, I will be honest with you. I will be honest with you about what I want.

Klaus: I will walk away, and I'll never come back, I promise.

Caroline: (steps closer) Good. (kisses Klaus)

Stefan: You know, I was in a dark place, Damon.

Damon: And Katherine pulled you out of it. Irony abounds.

Stefan: You know, whatever is going on with you and Elena, you need to fix it. She's the best thing that ever happen to you.

Damon: You think I don't know that? I can't live without her... But when you think about it, I'm no better than Katherine. Elena will be happier without me. What, I'm being selfless? Don't give me that look.

Stefan: I'm not giving you a look.

Damon: Katherine fricking Pierce has a selfless moment, I'm not allowed to? Fine. Fine. When I get Elena back and the whole universe freaks out because the fated Doppelgängers are torn apart, just remember you-- you're the one that pep talked me out of doing the right thing for the universe and all mankind.

Stefan: I will keep that in mind.

Damon: You do that.

Matt: So this anchor thing, does it mean that you'll, like, be able to feel Katherine's death or whatever?

Bonnie: I think so. I mean, she's human, but she's also a Doppelgänger and Traveler apparently.

Matt: So who else do you see over there? Anybody I know?

Bonnie: I see lots of people. My Grams, the other witches. Vicki. I just don't talk about it, you know, I just--

Vicki: Because it's depressing as hell. Tell Matty I love him.

Matt: What's happening?

Bonnie: She's here. She said she loves you.

Vicki: Tell him that I watch over him and no more knocking around with that blond original chick who almost got him killed.

Matt: Wait. Wait. What's happening? What am I missing?

Tyler: Me.

Caroline: Tyler?

Tyler: Rebekah says to tell you that I'm her parting gift. Hey, Care.

Caroline: Hi.

Stefan: We've really gone through four bottles of bourbon today?

Alaric: Can someone really tell these idiots to lay off the booze?

Bonnie: Oh, my god.

Jeremy: Alaric?

Damon: Ric's here?

Jeremy: Where the hell have you been? I thought you bailed on us to go find peace or something.

Alaric: Do you honestly think I'd leave Damon in charge and never look back?

Damon: He's talking about me, isn't he?

Jeremy: He says you're a dick.

Damon: Cheers, buddy.

Alaric: Cheers.

Bonnie: Katherine.

Damon: Ding-dong. Does that mean the witch is dead?

Katherine: No. Uh-uh. It's too soon. I can't.

(Katherine wakes up gasping in Stefan's room)

Elena: Wow, you really don't want to die, do you? I swear I just heard your heat stop.

Katherine: Where am I?

Elena: Still alive... Sadly.

Katherine: I thought I was a goner there for a second, but I still have unfinished business.

Elena: So do I. I had this whole speech that I was preparing to give your unconscious body.

Elena: I forgive you. You weren't born evil. Your life made you that way. You lost everyone that you cared about way too young, and you didn't have a family that looked after you. Sound familiar?

Katherine: Is this the... "We're not so different you and I" Doppelgänger speech? Because I'd be happy to skip it.

Elena: I'll save it for the funeral that we probably won't have for you.

Katherine: Perfect.

Elena: I just wanted to get the forgiveness part out. It's part of me that I... I never want to lose.

Katherine: Good for you. Now maybe you can help a girl out and give me one more syringe, and if anyone's gonna plunge a needle in me one last time, may as well be you. Symmetry and all that. Elena... Thank you for your forgiveness.

Damon: Elena would what? Hurt me, dump me? Been there, done that, wrote the country song.

Bonnie: Kill you. She would kill you.

Damon: Cool. And then me and all her doppelgängers could start a baseball team on the Other Side.

Stefan: Hey, Damon. Don't bother coming back.

Damon: I wasn't planning on it.

Stefan: [to Katherine] The truth is, ever since the first time I noticed you falling for my brother, I have been waiting for him to screw something up so badly that you hate him. So I've been waiting and watching him do all these horrible things and then every single time I think he's gone too far, he's there for you, sometimes in ways better than I ever was. So the truth is, after a while I just stopped waiting for him to fail because I liked the person he had become -- and I don't want to lose that person.

Enzo: Oh, he's here, salivating, about to chomp into my neck and feed until my head pops off in a grotesque but slightly comical fashion.

Damon: What the hell is wrong with you?

Stefan: Hey. When did you get here?

Caroline: Eh, about 1 1/2 of these ago. You were right. I brought this on myself. I knew the Klaus thing was gonna come with consequences. Guess no I just have to deal with it and learn from my mistakes.

Stefan: Glad I could help. So did you find Matt?

Caroline: Yes, and Tyler was right. Nadia's been compelling him to forget things.

Stefan: What do you mean? What kind of things?

Caroline: Who knows? He tried to message me, but Nadia stopped him. "Help. K" was all I got.

Stefan: Huh.

Caroline: So you and Elena? What's the verdict?

Stefan: Um, well, the verdict is she's acting strange. She kissed me.

Caroline: Excuse me?

Stefan: Yeah. My car broke down, so we got a hotel room so she could shower-

Stefan: Yeah, but it wasn't like that. I mean, I stopped it obviously. I couldn't do that to Damon.

Caroline: Yeah, but she could? I just--I don't get it. She knows that would destroy him. What is she doing?

Stefan: That's what I mean. It's like she's given up on Damon, and he thinks that she was trying to get me to kill him tonight.

Caroline: No. I mean, she may be mad at him, but she would never want him dead.

Stefan: Unless... Matt texted you, "Help. K," before Nadia stopped him. "K," as in Katherine, and when Katherine was dying, Nadia figured out a way to put Katherine's spirit inside Nadia's body.

Caroline: Yeah, but that didn't happen because Katherine had a change of heart. No. No. You don't think that-- it's impossible that she's be-- we would have noticed. It's Elena. We know her. Oh, my god.

Stefan: We haven't noticed that Katherine's been inhabiting Elena's body for weeks, and that's all you've got to say?

Damon: Yep.

Stefan: And you realize that it was Katherine who broke up with you, it wasn't Elena?

Damon: Eh-huh.

Stefan: So, your little murder spree with Enzo where you killed Aaron, you nearly killed Jeremy, tried to kill Wes but you got infected with that ripper virus-- that was all you reacting to Katherine.

Damon: I'm trying to figure out why you decided to tell a starving, bloodthirsty, vampire-feeding ripper that his nemesis is still walking around alive and well while I am stuck in this cell and can't do anything about it.

Stefan: I have it under control.

Damon: I'd love to hear this.

Damon: I need more.

Stefan: Too bad.

Damon: That was nothing.

Stefan: That's exactly 4 ounces. When you were out killing vampires, you said one vampire kept you good for 8 hours. So, our friend Caroline did a little bit of math--

Damon: Caroline?

Stefan: Relax. She had a calculator. So, 4 ounces 3 times a day should be just enough to help manage the hunger.

Damon: I need blood.

Tyler: You just had your lunch 30 minutes ago.

Damon: Or you could give me a couple sips of that hybrid juice. I can be on my way and I'll take up my ripper situation with Wes.

Tyler: Not gonna happen.

Damon: Can I ask you a question without you getting all wolf man on me?

Tyler: Do I have a choice?

Damon: Why are you still here?

Tyler: I'm a hybrid, and you need a babysitter.

Damon: Oh, no, I mean here, in Mystic Falls, here. Your family's all dead, and I don't see you getting a job at the grill. Yet I don't see you in a Whitmore hoodie, either. Something tells me that there's a little masochistic voice inside your head that's trying to convince you that you and Caroline still have a fighting chance in hell.

Tyler: I think you have enough problems without having to worry about me.

Damon: You're probably right. One small difference between you and me - you want to hear it?

Tyler: Not especially.

Damon: You see, even after all the terrible things I do, Elena still chose me. Because she's fighting for me. Caroline, on the other hand, chose the nuclear option. You know that big, red button that just nukes your entire relationship once as for all? Well, sleeping with the guy that killed your mom was kind of her way of slamming her hand down.

Tyler: You think Elena will still want you back after this? It's over, Damon. Fix yourself and run. Far away.

Damon: I plan on it. How's New Orleans this time of year?

Tyler: You really think Elena's gonna forgive you? Look at you. You killed her friend. You almost killed her brother. You nearly killed her. You're a joke, Damon.

Katherine: Ok. So. Who's got the knife? Which one of you is gonna get to kill the elusive Katherine Pierce once and for all? (no one says anything) What? Suddenly everyone's speechless? When I was on my deathbed you all had plenty to say. Is it you, Tyler? Because I triggered your werewolf curse? Have you an identity and made you better?

Tyler: You've done nothing for me.

Katherine: Oh, please, Tyler. If I hadn't walked into your life, you'd just be a wasted nobody with a boozy mom and a temper problem.

Caroline: Don't. Don't.

Katherine: And you. I'm not worried about you offing me. Because we both know I made you better by making you a vampire.

Caroline: Goodbye, Katherine.

Katherine: Bye-bye, Caroline. Ooh. The one girl here who actually appreciates how beautiful you are. You wouldn't stab me in the heart, would you? Matty blue. No, I don't think so. You will definitely go down as the best night I never had. Oh, well.

Matt: Oh, well.

Katherine: Well, little Gilbert, it was nice to have a brother for a second there. When you weren't being so damn annoying. Bon Bon, no need for good-byes. I'll see you on the flip side. Damon. Oh, how you'd love nothing more than to drive that blade right through me.

Katherine: I know, but I never got to say what I needed to say to you. I'm sorry. You blame me for who you are. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I turned you. I'm sorry that you didn't get to die as a forgotten nobody on a bloody battlefield, and your father didn't get to live another day to be disgraced by you. Damon, I'm sorry that I have your life purpose. Passion. Drive. Desire. I'm sorry that you are who you are because I'm the one that taught you how to love.

Damon: I'll see you in hell, Katherine.

Katherine: Stefan. You know, I always wondered what it would be like to be loved by you. You've got to admit, that one fleeting moment... Your feelings were real. This truly has been the role of a lifetime. Stefan, I love you. I've always loved you. (Katherine kisses Stefan, Stefan stabs her) Then I guess this is how our love story ends.

Caroline: Is it wrong that I feel...

Tyler: Victorious?

Caroline: Sad. I know that Katherine is a horrible person, but--

Tyler: But you see the good in people.

Caroline: You mean Klaus. Because I saw the good in Klaus.

Tyler: Your words. Not mine.

Caroline: Your hybrid bite just killed someone and no one even batted an eye. I sleep with the wrong guy weeks ago and I don't hear the end of it. How is that fair?

Tyler: I don't know, Care. Maybe people just expect more from you.

Caroline: Why? Because being good comes so easy to me? Well, guess what, Tyler? It doesn't. I am a vampire. I have the same impulses as you. So, I'm allowed to make some mistakes along the way. Yes, I slept with Klaus-- but after you walked away from me. That was my choice and I am living with it and I don't need to be hearing about it every five seconds. So, just get over it or get out of my life, but... I'm done feeling guilty.

Elena: You put me in a position where I have to defend you, again. Where I have to bend my morals, again. Where I have to go against everything single thing that I believe in, again, 'cause I love you!

Elena: Just because Jeremy is a bad student doesn't mean that he's cheating on Bonnie.

Damon: You're making excuses for someone you love. That's what you do. The worse the behavior, the more you try and defend.

Elena: And you keep trying to make this about us.

Damon: Yeah, because you keep trying to make it about anything else.

Elena: You know what? Fine. But don't pretend that you came here for Jeremy. If you want to talk about last night, talk.

Damon: Here's the thing, Elena, I don't know what to say or do or think. All I know is that right now I want to rip your clothes off right here in the middle of this hall and throw you in one of these classrooms and kiss every square inch of your body while a bunch of people that drive minivans listen, wishing they were us. (pauses) That's probably a bad idea, right?

Elena: Right.

Damon: Right. (bell rings) See you in class.

Elena: Enough.

Damon: Hardly. She [Liv] was two seconds away form killing you. I want to know why, so I am gonna rip this nasty rag out of your mouth. If I hear so much as one syllable of hocus-pocus, one of us is gonna break your neck. Spoiler alert- it's gonna be me.

Jeremy: How do you expect me to care about anything when this is my life? Take a look around. It's not like I could bring my teachers a note saying "sorry I missed class today, we were under a doppelgänger invasion."

Damon: Mr... Sikes, head of corporate accounts. Oops. Sorry about that. Yeah. Can't have you mumbling any of those annoying Traveler ditties. It's a sure migraine. So here's the deal. My brother and my girl have both been kidnapped by Travelers, and I can't seem to find them anywhere. I mean, like, poof, gone, right? So besides a completely clueless hybrid in my basement and a cave full of sleeping Travelers, I've got nothing to go on except you, so I'm gonna need you to tell me where I can find your leader Markos. [Caroline sighs] What's up, Blondie?

Damon: You have Elena participating in squirrel slaughter?

Stefan: Believe me, she's no happier about it than I am.

Damon: Heh heh. She'll shoot your eye out.

Bonnie: He says you promised to bring him back.

Enzo: Uh, you're paraphrasing. He said, quote, I will find a way.

Bonnie: Whatever.

Damon: Hello. Still here, and I know what I said.

Enzo: Bey. Remind him he doesn't have a very good track record for keeping promises.

Bonnie: Please stop talking.

Enzo: The other side is on the brink of collapse. I plan on pestering all of you until I'm safely returned to the land of the living.

Bonnie: You need to fix this before I lose my mind.

Damon: Hey. I'm sorry, ok? I've got two missing Doppelgängers, I've got a Traveler that wants to rid our town of magic, and I've got the friendly banker Mr. Sikes in the coat closet, so escape from the netherworld's gonna have to wait until tomorrow. [Enzo throws a bottle of booze into fireplace]

Bonnie: I think he wants to be penciled in for today.

Elena: How many, um--ahem--you know, are we supposed to have before we get our strength back?

Stefan: More than we've had, that's for sure. Let me know if you see a damn buffalo.

Elena: This is depressing.

Stefan: Yeah. More depressing than walking for miles and no knowing where the hell you're going?

Elena: No, probably not more depressing than that.

Stefan: Damon is in full hero mode today.

Elena: I'm sure he was thrilled about that.

Stefan: I don't know. He had the whole savior of the universe voice going on.

Elena: I like that voice. You know, maybe this whole thing's a sign.

Stefan: A sign of what?

Elena: My blood can literally destroy him. If that's not a sign that were in a toxic relationship--

Stefan: Our blood, all right, our blood. Don't hog the blame. Look. We're vampires. We're a toxic species. Whether you want to blame it on magic or biology, it's just who we are. When a human gets ravenously hungry, they eat a double cheeseburger. We kill people. Some of us are more extreme than others, but that's just who we are.

Elena: How come you're so much better at controlling it?

Stefan: Because I'm so much worse when I don't. I'm only gonna say this once. You two are miserable without each other, so if you want to be with him, just be with him. Look. When humans want to break free from complicated relationships, they go to therapy. Vampires get a pass, ok?

Elena: I think I just hallucinated a unicorn.

Stefan: Hmm. Maybe Caroline's nearby.

Elena: Heh. If Caroline was here, we'd have a fully catered buffet on the side of the road and a rainbow.

Stefan: Two rainbows.

Damon: Salvatore Boring House.

Markos: I'm calling about my people.

Damon: Hey. You found my note. Now listen. Don't be offended, but I can't just give them to anyone, so what do they look like?

Markos: They're ragged, beaten down by the world, desperate for a home.

Damon: You just described homeless people, aging hipsters and Matt Donovan.

Silas: Ooh! I've been upgraded to a plague? Oh. How biblical and fitting, seeing as I will probably will kill a lot of people in an epic, all-inclusive way once I'm out of here.

Alaric: Friendly advice: when you finally get the girl, don't blow her up.

Elena: (crying) You lied to me!

Damon: Even if I wanted to apologize, you couldn't hear me. So I won't.

Elena: Please don't leave me.

Damon: I don't have a choice, baby. You are the greatest thing that ever happened to me in my 173 years on this earth. The fact that I get to die knowing I was loved, not just by anyone, by you, Elena Gilbert, is the epitome of a fulfilled life. It was never going to get any better than this. I peaked. I love you, Elena.

Elena: Please. Please, come back to me.

Damon: Bye.

Damon: This place is going down, isn't it?

Bonnie: It is. I am sure there are a million other people that we'd both rather be with right now, but...

Elena: I kind of want to set up Ric with Jo from the hospital. I mean, we both know that he has a soft spot for the "sexy doctor" type. How long do you think it takes after someone comes back to life before they can start dating again?

(hallucination)Damon: Well the fact that you can say that with a straight face is one more reason that I love you.

Elena: So, like...three months?

Damon: Can I ask why there's not a Bennet witch in the back? I mean, can't Luke whip up a batch of herbs in "Bonnie" flavor?

Elena: You know if I had to drive around with everyone that I've lost, I'd need a school bus.

Damon: Or you just know that Bonnie would agree with Luke. The last thing you would do is conjure up someone who's gonna tell you the truth.

Elena: Can we not talk about this?

Damon: About what? The fact that I'm dead? Cuz I am...

Elena: Technically, you were dead when we met.

Damon: Good point! Now I'm just gone. Poof!

Elena: Damon, please don't say that.

Damon: And this conversation is pretty much the smart, level-headed you talking to the irrational, possible drug addict you. Which is clear evidence of your insanity.

Elena: You just said that you were looking for him...

Stefan: I did. And then I realized that it was pointless and that I needed to move on with my life, so I stopped.

Elena: What do you mean you stopped?

Stefan: I mean I said goodbye, Elena. I moved on. Damon is gone; it's time for you to say goodbye, too.

Elena: You know I want to see you, Damon. But it makes me reckless. I- I hurt people...

Elena: No, I'm not done yet, I'm... I want to thank you for giving me everything I always wanted. A love that consumed me, and passion...adventure... There's nothing more I could ever want other than for it to last forever, but...it can't. This is the last time I'm gonna see you. This is goodbye, Damon. I love you. I have to let you go.

(they kiss)

(hallucination)Damon: You're still holding on.

Elena: I- no, I...I said goodbye, Damon...

Damon: I don't blame you. You know what's waiting for you... How long before you go running back to Luke, hm?

Elena: Me too. At least, you know, I did. Then one day I discovered the good part. You know, the promise that "love could be eternal." And I had that with Damon. Which means that, for the rest of eternity, I'm going to have a hole in my heart where he's supposed to be.

Elena: I know how death works, Ric. Trust me, I've done it. A lot. There's no such thing as "moving on." It's a lie. So if I'm ever going to be able to fall in love again, and make eternity bearable, I need you to do something.

Alaric: What?

Elena: You were created with the original vampire spell, which means that you can compel other vampires. And since I can't take away my vampirism...I want you to take away Damon. I want you to compel me to forget that I ever loved him.

Alaric: We're going to be searching through memories that are deeply embedded, and each significant memory that we hit which is connected to Damon I will help you modify. And this should eventually lead us to the signature memory which, once erased, will create a positive domino effect through all your other memories.

Elena: Can't you just compel me to forget everything at once? And then we can go get a beer?

Alaric: I am supernaturally rewiring three years of your memories. If it were that easy, I wouldn't be so terrified.

Alaric: Are you afraid?

Elena: More sad than afraid.

Alaric: Why sad?

Elena: Because I don't want to stop loving him.

Damon: I don't think we should be asking where we are...I think we should be asking when we are.

Damon: Alright, talk me through it.

Bonnie: Before the Other Side collapsed, my grams said that she'd made a sacrifice so that I could find peace...

Caroline: What if we find something out? Yeah, what if Damon returns home and everything returns back to normal, and you're just sitting there all confused and weird?

Elena: Then Alaric will bring back my memories.

Enzo: You have a lovely clavicle.

Ivy: Thank you. I think.

Enzo: Forgive me, I always notice a woman's neck. I'm a neck person! So is Stefan, right Stefan?

Stefan: Not anymore.

Enzo: Ah, well, that's silly. You can't just stop being a neck person!

Ivy: Is Enzo your boyfriend?

Caroline: Ugh, oh god, no. Would you date that?

Bonnie: Would a little support kill you?

Damon: You know, I am acutely aware that we are in some other-worldly time dimension, however - did you ever think, for one second, that maybe it's you being negative reacting to my natural self negative-ly?

Bonnie: You're ridiculous.

Damon: Nope, I'm consistent.

Damon: You've got to be kidding me. Bonnie, look at the date on that paper.

Bonnie: It says May 10th, 1994. It's the same day as yesterday. We're living this same day...all over again.

Damon: Well, that proves it. We're in hell. My own person, custom-built hell. And you're in it with me.

Elena: I don't know, Ric!

Alaric: Well think about it, Elena! Think about that moment when you knew this person was somebody you had feelings for - that you loved. And you could see those feelings going on forever. Trust me, you never forget.

Bonnie: What's a seven-letter word for kill me now?

Damon: That joke got old six weeks ago.

Enzo: What kind of coward gives up on his own brother?

Elena: It was my birthday. Damon and I spent the entire summer looking for Stefan, and I was trying to put on a good face because Caroline was throwing this party for me but I was so sad... I was two seconds from deciding I wasn't going to go - I wasn't going to leave the room - until Damon walked in to give me my...birthday gift. It was the necklace that Stefan had given me. I'd lost it, but Damon knew what the necklace meant to me; what it meant about my feelings for Stefan. Even though he loved me, he gave me the one thing that represented hope for me and his brother. I knew how much it hurt him. But he did it. It was...the most selfless that he's ever been. And in that moment, I loved him. I didn't want to, I mean, it terrified me, but...for that moment, I loved him.

Stefan: You get your daylight ring back when you decide to behave. Now, answer my question: Why did you come back here?

Damon: Because I missed my brother! I want to have a connection to my humanity, Stefan. I wanted to feel something again. And when I decided to come back home, it all came rushing back, just like I hoped it would.

Stefan: Oh, congrats. Now what?

Damon: Come on, man. Let's just hit the road, you and me, huh? I'll let you drive my car, I'll get you off this vegan diet, teach you how to feed again. It'll be great, Stef. Huh? What do you say? Come on! Trust me.

Stefan Yeah, I can imagine a road trip with you. I can imagine you feeding on innocent people and, uh, leaving a trail of bodies behind. I can image you making me drink human blood, and laughing at me while I suffer.

Damon: Way to be an optimist, Stefan.

Stefan: Just looking at the facts, Damon. 1912, you convinced me to drink human blood again, which is why I became a Ripper. In 1942, you almost pushed me off the rails again because you were so damn needy. 1977, you left my best friend to die after I sent her to come help you. And now, I'm finally happy. I have a new life, I'm doing well, and, uh, you just can't handle that, can you, Damon?

Damon: I'm not trying to screw up your dumb new life.

Stefan: You don't have to try, Damon. All you have to do is exist. Because no matter what I do or where I go, you will be with me forever, trying to destroy every single thing that I've built. I don't know why I thought this time would be any different. I wanted it to be different. You just keep failing.

Stefan: I'm never gonna be rid of you, am I?

Damon: No, you're not. 'Cause in 1912, I showed you who you were, Stefan. In 1942, I gave you your freedom, and in 1977 I almost killed your best friend because it should have been you there to help me, Stefan. You owe me, and it'll take you an eternity to pay me back. An eternity of misery, brother. Just like I promised.

Stefan: You had Alaric compel you to forget every good thing that Damon ever did. You made him a monster in your own mind because you couldn't handle the grief of losing him.

Elena: I don't believe anything that you're saying. Why would I do that?

Stefan: Because you were in love with him, and he was in love with you. And when Damon died, a part of you died, too.

Stefan: Believe me, I asked myself that for a very long time. And eventually, I saw it. Damon inspired you. He pushed you to own the darkest parts of yourself. And when you died, he was the only one that could make you feel alive again, and you made him feel human. You loved Damon for the same reasons that I love Damon. Because in spite of every single thing that he did, we couldn't live without him. And now, you don't have to, but I do. So, I'm gonna do it my way. You do it yours.

Bonnie: I'm thinking about that pregnant lady. She had a thing for pancakes.

Damon: That's what you remember?

Bonnie: You remember it, don't you? You make pancakes every day.

Damon: 'Cause I'm bored...

Bonnie: No... 'Cause you're punishing yourself. You call this place your hell - that means you feel remorse. That's what makes you different than Kai. (gasps) Maybe there's hope for you!

Bonnie: (to Damon) You know the last thing my Grams said to me... was to stay strong. What if that was her way of telling me I have the power to get out? I have the ascendant, a massive celestial event to draw from, plus a burning desire to get away from you.

Damon: Bonnie...get...out of here...

Bonnie: I'm not gonna make it. But you are.

Stefan: Yep. This is happening! I'm gonna talk out loud to a...a crypt filled with my dead family. Everyone but you, Damon. Because wherever you are, it's not here. I gotta say...I'm not doing so great without you. I keep trying to start over, but...I can't get anywhere. Because I'm lost, brother. I'm lost.

Stefan: Damon?

Damon: Yep. In the flesh.

Stefan: How am I seeing you right now?

Damon: Because I'm not dead, Stefan. (gestures to the liquor bottle) I mean, this stuff's good, but it's not "I see dead people" good.

Damon: (to Stefan) Well you didn't think I was gone-gone. I promised you an eternity of misery.

Stefan: So how did you get back?

Damon: Long story, big flash of light, two decades worth of jet lag - I will explain all of my adventures in that flannel hellscape, but first, there's someone I got to go see.

Damon: She did what?

Alaric: Damon is going to kill me!

Elena: You're un-killable.

Alaric: Doesn't mean he won't try.

Damon: (about Elena) I just need to see her, Stefan. Our eyes will meet, fireworks will go off, and the balance of nature will be restored.

Elena: I have to go. I have a shift at the hospital.

Alaric: Since when?

Elena: Since Damon came back and I'm trying desperately to avoid him!

Damon: Look, I know why you did what you did. But it's not real. You know what's real? The way you felt for me. You once told me it was the most real thing you ever felt in your life.

Elena: Those feelings are gone.

Damon: Oh, come on, Elena. You've compelled enough people to know it's just a way of covering the truth. And no matter how badly you want it done, it doesn't make it any less of a lie.

Damon: (to Elena, through the door) I hear you breathing. You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you breathe.

Damon: Just...just open the door, Elena, please... Or at the very least, stand aside, because I'm gonna kick this door in.

Stefan: Look. He's been trapped over there alone for months. He just wants to see you.

Elena: Look. I get how I'm supposed to feel, but I know how I actually feel and I'm happy now. What if I look at him and my old feelings break through the compulsion?

Stefan: Well, they won't, but even if they did, is that such a bad thing?

Elena: Stefan...I kissed Liam last night.

Stefan: Oh, please forget that you told me that and definitely do not tell Damon that.

Elena: Because he's gonna kill him, right?! Just like he killed my brother.

Stefan: I was going to say because he'll be heartbroken.

Alaric: So...how the hell are you?

Damon: Well let's see, Ric... I clawed my way out of some retro pocket-universe only to find that I needed to compel myself a new change of clothes because this anti-magic hamster ball is keeping me from going home, and then I find out that my best friend, rather than doing anything about it, decided that it was the best use of his time to compel my beautiful and lovely girlfriend to forget that she ever loved me. I'm great, Ric! Thanks for asking.

Alaric: (to Damon, about Elena) She loved you too much, and it was killing her.

Bonnie: (voicemail) It's Bonnie. Leave a message. (beep)

Damon: That's it? That's your outgoing message. Really? I mean, the one time I'm actively seeking the sound of your voice, that's all I get. Perfect. Anyway, I'm in your room - which is a lot less weird than it sounds. But I just wanted to say that, because of what you did for me, today is the day I get to see Elena. So thank you, and...I'm sorry. Other than that, I don't know what to say or what I'm supposed to say except that, defying all possible global scenarios...I might miss you a little bit.

Jo: Why don't you just compel me out of the way? Look don't you think it's about time we level with each other?

Alaric: Okay, how's this: my best friend, he just came from the dead but now i have to save him from a vampire hunter before he's driven across an anti-magic border and killed...again. So here's some friendly advice: it's probably a good idea to stay as far away from me as possible.

Damon: Stefan could have told me there was a hunter in town.

Enzo: Eh, it probably slipped his mind because he's responsible for my return to incarceration.

Damon: And why would he do that?

Enzo: Probably jealous of my accent. Or, maybe he did it because I killed his new girlfriend.

Damon: Yeah. That'll do it.

Elena: I want my memories back.

Jo: (to Alaric) I followed you like a crazy stalker. Not one of my finer moments.

Jo: You'll die if I move you. You nicked your descending aorta.

Alaric: I know. It's what killed me.

Jo: Well you didn't have me back then, did you? And you didn't have hemostatic gauze.

Jo: (to Alaric) While I'm sealing this wound, I want you to think about how you tried to compel one of the smartest women on campus to forget about her date with you. The date where I single-handedly saved dozens of lives without smearing my makeup.

Sarah: It's gonna be okay-

Jeremy: No it's not! She's gone. Bonnie's gone...

Damon: Oh, I got it. Everybody's sorry. You're sorry you gave up on me, sorry you turned Enzo into that hunter guy. Ric's sorry for the compulsion. I'm sure if Elena could remember anything, she'd be sorry, too.

Damon: (about Elena) Ric said she's happy without me since she's erased me. You know what? I don't want her to be happy. I want her to be miserable, just like I am.

Stefan: (pauses) You done?

Damon: Yeah. I'm done.

Damon: Here goes everything.

Caroline: So am I your last stop on the Stefan Salvatore apology tour?

Damon: Okay, I'll start. I know Alaric eternal-sunshined our relationship out of your brain, but please, please tell me it's coming back. Or at least part of it, because imagining this exact moment is what got me through the last few months.

Elena: I'm not sure what to say...

Damon: Easy! So easy! Just say that you missed me as much as I missed you.

Elena: Damon, I know that I loved you.

Damon: Yeah!

Elena: And I know that, apparently, I forgave you for all the awful things that you did...

Damon: Yeah.

Elena: But I just don't remember it. I'm sorry, I just don't...feel it anymore.

Damon: All the terrible things I did to people Elena cared about, let's see... I turned Caroline into my own personal blood juice box, I turned Matt's sister into a vampire, and threatened to kill Bon-Bon a couple times.

Alaric: More than a couple.

Damon: Subjective - sometimes I was being funny.

Alaric: You killed Stefan's best friend - at his birthday party...

Damon: An unfortunate coincidence.

Alaric: And then you snapped Jeremy's neck when Elena said she'd never love you...

Damon: On second thought, let's focus on all of the charming, heroic things you obliterated from my girl's mind.

Elena: Do you want me to feel guilty? Because, trust me Damon, I do, okay? I feel horrible, and I'm sorry, but I don't... I don't know what to tell you. What do you want me to say? I don't remember us!

Damon: I do! And no matter how much I missed you or how much pain I was in, I never would have erased everything we ever had! Even if I was drowning in grief, I'd rather hang on to every moment that I ever held you, or every laugh that I ever heard, every shred of happiness that we ever had. I would rather spend every moment in agony than erase the memory of you.

Elena: I remembered something out there. Just bits and pieces, but, um...there were these stars, and then it...it started to rain...

Damon: When you became a vampire, part of me was thrilled. Because suddenly there was this possibility I could have you in my life forever. And then the other part of me was devastated, because I realized you'd lost the life that you wanted to have...

Elena: It started to rain, and then... What happened, Damon?

Damon: And since I've been gone, you've gotten part of that life back. You're thriving, you're happy. Yeah, sure, maybe you'd be happy if we gave it another chance, but...the truth is, you're better off without me.

Elena: What are you talking about?

Damon: I died. You started over. I need you to live your life. Be happy. I love you, Elena. Enough to let you go.

Elena: (pauses)It started to rain... And...what?

Damon: It got cold and muddy. You were miserable, so we got in the car and we drove home.

Damon: Bickered, mostly. Cooked. Ate. We went through a Tetris phase, but I beat her and she got mad. (pause) We talked. A lot. Apparently there are a lot of words in the english language, and Bonnie knows just about all of them.

Elena: Yep. I know this is gonna sound...pretty strange, but...I'm really happy that the two of you had eachother.

Damon: She sacrificed herself so I could come back. (pauses) Wow. And when she wasn't talking she was listening. She's listen for hours and hours and hours. So...when the opportunity presented itself for me to come back...she made sure I took it.

Elena: What did you talk about?

Damon: (looks at her) What do you think?

Elena: I broke up with Liam.

Damon: Doctor Future-Humanitarian-Award wasn't good enough? What went wrong?

Elena: (looks at him) What do you think? (sighs) Look, I'm at a crossroads right now, where I could go live my life the way I think I probably should - be successful and safe, and probably very happy. Or I could risk all of that for this tiny glimmer of a feeling inside that...I just can't shake.

Damon: Well, Robert Frost...what's it gonna be?

Elena: (pauses) I don't know.

Damon: (sighs)

Elena: But I do know someone who could give me some pretty sound advice. Any chance you'd be willing to help me bring my best friend Bonnie back, so I could ask her?