It's harmful for men to believe that financial success is what defines their masculinity - it implies that their hearts and personalities will never speak louder than their wallets, and will certainly never be enough to interest a woman.

BDSM is not abuse. That's a given, and so a person might expect me to defend Fifty Shades against all allegations, but that isn't quite the case. There is certainly abuse depicted, but not in the way many believe.

Was The Breakfast Club ever shouted down from every corner of the internet as romanticizing abuse? No, on the contrary it was effusively hailed as a testament to the human condition. How is it different to Fifty Shades?

Perhaps we owe it to these teenagers to talk more openly and honestly about those many shades of grey they're discovering in sex, and how to bridge the difficult and confusing gap between their own desires and the clear-cut, oh-so-simple version of consent they're being presented.

In spite of Christian's constant efforts to explain his preferences to her, she continually ignores them, putting herself at emotional and physical risk in order to get the fairy-tale romance. No wonder when things reach a head, she breaks down.

I can see why the BDSM community are up in arms. Here is a man who stalks his victim with a degree of fortitude that it's hard not to feel some begrudging sense of awe. He knows her bank details, in fact he has a built an entire file on her and flies out to interrupt a holiday with her parents, checking in to the same hotel as she's enjoying cocktails with her mother.

The eruption of 'mommy porn' typified in E.L James' 50 Shades series has been argued by some as a marker for female sexual empowerment. I will agree that it has enlightened a change in coffee table conversation, in a similar way to the emergence of Ann Summers' parties; but here's the rub - the series isn't actually representative of BDSM or female empowerment - it's simply about male possession.

Repeat business is great for me, probably not so much for a plumber; that might just mean they hadn't got it right the first time round. Yet seeing clients more than once ensures I know just where to take them, how far they can go and helps me to push them even further if they wish. I don't get it right every single time though...

EL James particular brand of BDSM lite succeeded in demystifying and publicising the potential joys of restraint and submission. Beginners bondage is more satin and Swarovski than gimp hoods and chains, but it certainly makes sex more sensual. You don't need fancy props or products. Just a simple blindfold will do the trick...

But I want to reclaim vanilla sex, if I may. To remind and reassure you that it's a lovely way to spend the afternoon and truly nothing to be ashamed of. Enjoying it doesn't make you any less of a woman or indeed, a man, and you don't have to the Kama Sutra to be a memorable lover...

Motions to "protect" the innocence of children are alway easy vote-winners. It doesn't matter whether it's effective, ethical or logical, as long as it hits the right buzzwords and appears to be tough on the boogie-men in our closets.