Saturday, May 16, 2015

Parts of Spring...Parts of Summer

As cold and icy as the early part of the year was, I have to
admit, May’s been good to us so far.

At least around these parts…

I mean, the parts that were left over after I put the patio
table together.

Those parts….

I have to remember to pick them up before “someone” trips over them again.

Anyway, it’s been nice.

Temps in the mid to upper 80s.

Even over 90 by some other parts…the ones I keep behind the
garage, that I think came from something under the car…not sure.

The point being, nobody can complain about May…so far.

Unless you think it’s been too hot…and you had to drag your
air conditioner out early…and wrenched your back…which prevented you from
mowing your lawn…which caused your neighbors to complain…which lead to....

Well, you get the idea….maybe.

Or not….

What I’m trying to say, is…May’s been good…so far.

I say, “so far” because May’s been known to be a little
fickle, especially around this time of year.

Which makes sense because what does anyone care about what May
is doing in July.

You know?

Believe me…you don’t wanna know.

Some parts north and west of here are actually talking about
frost, overnight.

But I think those parts are mostly refrigerator parts, which
like to talk trash…but they should really leave that to the garbage disposal
parts, because they do it so much better.

Obviously….

So, it’s been nice having a little taste of summer in
spring.

As seasons go, spring is generous like that. It’ll serve up
some snow and sleet on the front end, then turn around an give you heat and
humidity in the middle, which totally makes you forget all about the snow and
sleet.

Because then all you can think about is how sticky and
slippery you feel.

Kind of like Dr. Oz.

I actually don’t know, what that means.

I just threw that part, about Dr. Oz, in.

He’s been popping up a lot lately so I figured people would
think that was funny.

Dr. Oz in no way endorses or has anything to do with neither
spring nor May. In fact Dr. Oz has no association with any season whatsoever.

In fact Dr. Oz has no interest in anything at all…unless
there’s some sort of cash payout involved.

Why should he be any different than anyone else?

So let’s be clear….

I don’t know why I go off on these tangents.

Maybe it’s the heat…or the cold….or maybe just the pollen.

Yeah…let’s blame the pollen. It’s covering everything, right
now.

It’s certainly not the rain. We haven’t had much of that
around these parts.

10 comments:

I'll give you some of our rain if you'd like - we've had too much and my back yard and front yard look like a jungle. Here in "the Mitten state", we blame Mother Nature's indecisive weather on the fact that we live in "Pure Michigan" .... pfft, I'd rather have normal weather and not have to complain it so much. Thursday: frost warning. Today: possible thunderstorms as it will be 80. I have suggested with all our rain we are having that we start a bucket brigade to stretch to California and help them out, so they don't have to truck the H2O into Beverly Hills to keep the pools filled and lawns emerald green. Are you in?

Once again your latest retort inspires me to cogitate. I thought it was a British preoccupation to dwell on the weather to abstraction. As a small island surrounded by weather from differing seas and oceans we tend towards rain proof clothing and umbrellas. I'm sure it was Charles Macintosh a Scottish chemist who invented the plastic mac. As for you lucky escapees to abundantly consistent weatherings at least you can plan your attire with an accuracy that we UK foreigners only look on with envy. Mind you, when it comes to white outs we cock a snook and move on.

Or more likely a pitcher or two of Sam's Summer! I've actually switched off to Captain Lawrence's Sun Block...Do you get it there on your side of the bridge? Give it a try if they do.... Still haven't been to the beach yet...can you believe it!

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About Me

My passion these days is writing silly stories for “The
Freelance Retort”, the humor website I began in May of 2011 when the world was
supposed to come to an end. It didn’t and now I’m stuck writing these things 2
or 3 times a week.My passion before that was chocolate ice cream.

When I’m not doing this, I’m a freelance, corporate writer/director/ producer, which means—besides the many slashes—I create everything from promotional, instructional and training videos to interactive on line presentations for various corporation and health care companies. In that sense I guess you could say that I’m a “professional writer” since I do get paid to write, work from home and have lots of free time to myself. However, most of my friends and neighbors think I’m just goofing off. Naturally, being a freelance writer who deals with the sometimes insanity of the corporate world from the safety of the creative fringe, my views will more often than not be tinged with cynicism, sarcasm and a fair share of self-deprecation. I hope you enjoy them in the spirit in which they are intended….