I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years and he says our sex life is boring. To be honest, I feel the same way because he never takes any time with me when we’re making love.

I’ve tried talking to him about it but he’s so full of himself he thinks it’s all my fault. I really enjoy our relationship but I also love foreplay. What should I do?

Coleen says..

The words lazy and selfish spring to mind. I think you need to speak up and say the exciting bit for you is the foreplay.

It’s easy to get into a sex rut when you’ve been dating for a while but you both need to take responsibility if you’re to get out of it.

He could help you on the foreplay front and maybe you could spice things up by finding out what he likes.

But the important thing is to make an effort for each other, instead of blaming one other.

And don’t be frightened to talk during sex and tell each other what you like – where you want to be touched and to slow down or speed up.

That can be really exciting in itself.

You have to start ­communicating – or you’ll both be looking ­elsewhere for that excitement.

And that would be a shame if the rest of your relationship is really good.

My partner of over two decades has admitted he has had sex with someone else

Dear Coleen,

My partner of nearly 24 years admitted to an affair. He said it was only for the sex.

The problem is, I can’t get over what he’s done and I’m angry and unhappy. He won’t agree to going to Relate but I feel we need help to get back on track.

We’ve spoken about the affair but he won’t explain why he cheated – he just keeps saying “I don’t know why” and asking if we’re “back to normal”. I have a gut feeling he’s cheated more than once and I’m finding it hard to trust him again.

I don’t want to confide in family or friends because they’ll probably turn against him.

It’s eating me up inside.

Coleen says..

If he really is sorry and wants your relationship to continue and work, then just saying he doesn’t want to go to Relate isn’t good enough.

That doesn’t mean you can’t have counselling, which is what I did during my first marriage.

It really helped to answer some of those questions I was driving myself mad with.

You have to tell him that these feelings aren’t going away for you and that saying he doesn’t know why he did it isn’t good enough.

If he doesn’t know why he cheated, then what’s to stop him doing it again?

He thinks he’s in the clear because it’s all out in the open. Well, it’s not that easy.