Gloria James has been charged with battery and disorderly intoxication after her early-morning altercation with a nightclub parking valet. We've transcribed the report below; the entire document is available via the Miami Herald. Everything sic'd, and de-capitalized for your sanity:

Gloria James, mother of LeBron, has reportedly been arrested on suspicion of a misdemeanor assault…
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I was dispatched to the above location reference a battery on a hotel employee. Upon arrival I met with a valet employee who I asked if they had called the police. I was then informed by this employee that a co-worker was struck in the face by a female. When asked where was the female he pointed to a black SUV which was stationed on the valet ramp and was moving forward attempting to drive away. I then made contact with the driver who is a white female and was in the company of a black female who was sitting in the passenger seat. I then asked the female driver to explain what happened. The driver remained silent at which time I asked the passenger what happened and again got no response just a stare. Finally after asking several times the driver stated that she and the passenger had a minor verbal altercation with the valet employee over how he handled the process in retrieving her vehicle. She also stated that her friend the arrestee and the valet employee got up in to each others faces over the incident. I then made contact with the valet employee (victim) who stated that he brought the vehicle to the valet ramp at the request of the arrestee. He then drove up with the vehicle as the arrestee stood outside talking to other patrons of the hotel. The valet employee stated he waited for 30 minutes and the arrestee would not get her vehicle. Finally he turned off the vehicle which was still on the valet ramp and gave the keys to the valet cashier. After a short while according to the victim and witnesses the arrestee confronted the valet employee and stated where are my fucking keys and continued yelling profanities at the victim. All the while the victim tried to explain to the arrestee that he waited for her for 30 minutes but could not wait any longer. Then for no apparent reason the arrestee struck the victim with an open [hand] across the right side of his face and in the process causing herself to lose her balance and falling to the ground. I then went backover to the arrestee which by this time was outside the vehicle and asked her for her identification. The arrestee then refused to provide her identification and stated "now you want my I.D." but again would not provide it. I then placed the arrestee under arrest at which time she began to yell at the other female who was in the driver "don't give him anything, don't give him my purse." A large crowd then gathered in front of the hotel causing vehicles to backup on the driveway. The arrestee also had bloodshot eyes and a strong odor of alcohol on her breath. After the arrestee was placed into my patrol vehicle at which time I was approached by several security employees of the hotel advising me that the arrestee is Labron James mother. I then advised the supervisor Sgt. Sanchez and after obtaining statements from two valet cashiers who also witnessed the battery the arrestee was transported to the station. While at the station Sgt. Rojo and the shift commander Lt. Acosta tried to speak with the arrestee who was then very uncooperative stating "I'm trying to trust ou but I don't trust your kind. I don't trust that officer who arrested me." Arrestee stated that she knew our procedures that she was not going to cooperate because she did nothing wrong. Arrestee would not allow crime scene to take photos of her and requested a phone call. Arrestee was then issued a promise to appear and release to Miami Heat Executive Mr. Steve Stowe.