Judy Lair -- Moving People from Fear to Freedom

Professional clinical counselor, author, speaker, and owner of Counselorplace Christian Counseling in Worthington, Ohio. Guiding others toward relational living, helping them solve WHY fear is in their life and shape HOW to move toward freedom. The Roadmap to Freedom process shows you how to embrace emotions and critique beliefs. My book, From the Other Side of the Couch, explains the process and helps you learn how to love God, yourself, and others well!

Blog Pages

About Me

Judy Lair is a licensed counselor and owner of
Counselorplace Christian Counseling. She is the author of “From the Other Side
of the Couch: A Biblical Counselor’s Guide to Relational Living.” Judy’s personal
struggles with fear led her through the valley of hurt and sorrow. She now
embraces a joy-filled life grounded in God’s truth and freedom in Christ. Judy
uses her professional counseling expertise to tell stories that help people
find healing and freedom. Her vulnerable, godly approach helps people find
courage to move from Fear to Freedom. For more information or speaking
requests, email JudyLair@counselorplace.com
or sign up for blog posts at http://judylair.blogspot.com

“Freedom is
attainable. Trust me, I’ve been on the anxiety side, gone through the Valley of
the Shadow of Death, and now I’m praising God, eating at the banqueting table,
and helping others make the same journey. Whether you find yourself stuck in
anxiety, disappointment, grief, or confusion, your heart can be set free.” Judy
Lair, “From the Other Side of the Couch.”

Monday, June 6, 2016

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and
heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he
set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in
my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their
trust in the Lord. Psalm 40:1-3

I’ve had six different offices in my 14 years of
counseling. I began working out of my condo, then moved to a tiny 9x9 office
some years later. Last month I had the opportunity to move my counseling office
within our suite. I had eyed the corner office with two walls of windows since
we leased the suite three years ago. When I initially joined the suite, I was
thankful for the opportunity to be part of a group of folks who, like me, loved
helping people. First-time clients called my small office “cozy.”

A lot of good things took place in that small office.
Clients laughed, cried, and God used me to walk alongside them in difficult
times. I wrote and published my first book, From the Other Side of the Couch: A
Biblical Counselor’s Guide to Relational Living. I was content and grateful for
God’s provision. Then an opportunity came open and I stepped out and asked if I
could move into the more spacious corner office. Just one door down, yet I feel
a new energy, new ideas, and hugely blessed every time I walk into that space.

Some clients see my wonderful office and experience my
joyful heart and incorrectly assume I’ve never had difficult life circumstances.
They see me with a new song of praise in my mouth without knowing the slimy pit
where God rescued my heart, mind, and soul. Looking at my blessings causes them
to feel ignored and abandoned by God. Yet my transformational journey is the
vehicle God continually uses to help others find their own firm place to stand.

Do you look at the blessings of others and feel rejected
by God? Do you beat yourself up when comparing yourself to those around you? Do
you feel helpless to change your hopelessness?

Waiting on God’s timing in changing our circumstances can
be excruciatingly difficult and discouragement will threaten to set in. But it’s
at those times we most need to lift our eyes up to the mountains, ask for God’s
help in your time of trouble, and receive hope through the testimony of others.
What matters most is your perspective. Work hard to confess your negativity to
God, asking him to pull the root of bitterness out of your heart. Wrestle with
your automatic fleshly nature when it compares and condemns.

Ask God to show you others who’ve been rescued. Listen to
or read about their story of transformation and allow it to inspire your heart.
Then focus on crying out to God in the middle of your muddy life. He will not
leave you stranded. God promises to give you a new song anchored by the firm
foundation of his love for you.

Sunday, May 22, 2016

“Children
are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.” Neil Postman

Today I spent time with a group of Christian mental
health professionals and the topic of generational limiting beliefs came up.
From the time Adam and Eve left the garden, their outlook on themselves, each
other, and God became the beliefs they handed down to their children. Their
children received distortions which affected their relational understandings
with their own children. And so on and so on.

It breaks my heart to hear inaccurate messages my
counseling clients received from their parents and representatives of God. “Your
worth depends on how others view you.” “It’s selfish to consider your own
needs.” “You always have to turn the other cheek and let others walk all over
you.” In response, many folks create vows which limit their ability to prosper.
“I can’t ever do anything right.” “Nobody will ever care about me.” “I’m such a
disappointment to God.”

These messages get installed deep in our soul and cloud
the vision God has for our life. Instead of living a bold and courageous life,
our beliefs bring fear and timidity. We model this lifestyle for our children
and their perfectionism results in guilt and despair.

What messages did you receive that God wants to correct?
What messages are you installing and beliefs you are modeling to those in your
life today? Commit to wrestling with your belief systems. Whether your
foundational beliefs came from parents, pastors, teachers, or friends, there
will be distortions and we need God’s truth to separate the wheat from the
chaff.

Monday, May 16, 2016

‘Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure,
pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For
with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.’ Luke 6:38

Thank you to the unknown couple who selflessly bought my
breakfast this morning! I woke up in a great mood, feeling blessed and joyful.
After an early morning appointment, I stopped into my favorite restaurant for
breakfast.

“What can I get you?” Debbie asked in a flat, bored
voice.

“Good morning!” I said enthusiastically. Debbie looked a
bit startled at my response.

After giving my order, I pulled out a book and sipped rich,
flavorful coffee. The restaurant was quiet mid-morning. Two tables up a couple
packed up their to-go boxes, walking past me without a word as they left the
restaurant.

The book was awesome and breakfast was yummy. After my
third cup of coffee, I asked Debbie for a box and the check.

“You don’t owe anything. The couple who left paid for
your breakfast,” she replied.“

“What a blessing! I love it,” I said gratefully. Again,
Debbie looked started at my response.

“Well I absolutely want to bless you as well,” I told her
as I handed her a large tip. Debbie’s entire demeanor changed.

“I guess we’re all blessed today,” she said cheerfully.

How awesome it is when folks give from God’s abundant heart.
I have no idea whether this couple were Christians. But I have no doubt God
moved their heart to bless me this morning. While I was the recipient of their
generosity today, I believe God will bless them with this same measure
tomorrow.

I aspire to live a generous life, staying open and
available to hear from God on how to bless others. This worldview allows me to
express genuine thanks when I’m on the receiving end and excitedly look for a
way to share the blessing I’ve been given. I was thankful to be able to share
my heart with Debbie in a way that gave testimony to God’s goodness.

Monday, April 18, 2016

I love being inspired and challenged by reading biblical
accounts of folks who struggled with the same human weaknesses I see in myself.
Many folks quickly dismiss the interpersonal aspect of these stories in their
haste to find the bottom line. The ability to emotionally connect and be
convicted by their stories, however, allows us to grow in our own lives.
Learning how God interacts with others gives me a greater understanding of my
own blind spots and roadblocks.

Naaman was commander of the Aram army. We can read his
story in 2 Kings 5. He is described as a great man, highly regarded in the eyes
of his king and fellow soldiers. Interestingly, the God of the Israelites is
given credit for giving Naaman battle victories. Naaman suffered from leprosy.

Leprosy is a chronic infection affecting nerves, skin,
and eyes and loss of the ability to feel pain. Minor wounds can become major
issues resulting in loss of limbs or eyesight. Watching his body slowly succumb
to this progressive disease must have been devastating for Naaman, his family
and those under him. I wonder how Naaman processed his helpless. Did he shake
his fist at the heavens, blaming the God who helped him in one area of life but
apparently deserted him in this personal fight?

Within his house was an Israelite servant girl. She
risked her position by telling Naaman’s wife about a prophet in Samaria who could
cure the leprosy. Full of hope, Naaman asked the king of Aram to make a way for
him to search out this prophet. Valuing his commander, the king gave Naaman
gifts of silver, gold, and clothing plus a letter directed to Joram, king of
Israel requesting Naaman be cured of leprosy.

Knowing he could not cure Naaman, King Joram tore his
robes in despair, believing the Aram king was trying to provoke a war. Word of
the matter got to the prophet Elisha who chastised King Joram, reminding him
God was in charge and directing him to send Naaman his direction. King Joram’s
reaction sounds very much like an anxiety response. He automatically went into
panic mode and had to be reminded what was really true.

When Naaman knocked on Elisha’s door, the prophet sent a
messenger with instructions to wash himself seven times in the Jordan river.
Naaman was furious. First of all, he was a well respected man who’d traveled
very far to come see the prophet, and Elisha didn’t even bother to receive him
personally. Secondly, Naaman was probably very familiar with ritual washings
and expected any purification rite to utilize the purest form of water, not a
muddy, filthy river in the midst of a second-rate nation. Naaman had obviously expected
some type of hocus pocus magic by the prophet to heal him rather than a call to
humility before the Lord.

How often do we Christians expect God to work in very specific
ways? Do you shake your fist at the heavens when God asks you to wait on his
timing or to respond with grace and compassion instead of condemnation?
Sometimes we need to be reminded who is in control, so we can voluntarily
submit ourselves to God to receive all the blessings he wants to bestow.

Naaman’s servants begged him to reconsider the prophet’s
instructions. Using logic, they reminded him of his character: he never backed
down and never gave up. Acknowledging the truth of their words, Naaman humbled
himself and did as Elisha instructed. His flesh was restored and his body was
renewed. Returning to the prophet’s house, Naaman professed belief that his
healing came from the God of Israel, a testimony he would share for the rest of
his days.

How do you connect to this story? Is God challenging you
to change your view on something or humble yourself in an area of your life? If
so, allow the Holy Spirit to soften your heart so you, too, can receive healing.

Sunday, April 3, 2016

Worry and anxiety kept me
internally isolated for much of my life. When I did share, any reassurance I received was like sand
trickling through open fingers. I felt comforted and cared about for a short
time, then it was gone and I needed another handful of reassurance. This
pattern made me feel helpless and incompetent. Constantly asking for reassurance was taxing on my family and
friends. Believing I was a burden caused me to feel even more isolated and fearful. But God broke through and
rescued me from that lonely place. 1 John 4:18 tells us, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because
fear has to do with punishment.”My
lightbulb moment came when I realized moving from Fear to Freedom happens in
the context of relationship. Even though my circumstances may not change, my ability to persevere and grow through them happens when I’m
anchored in relationship.I will never love God,
myself, or others perfectly – but I don’t think God expects that of me this
side of heaven. 1 John 4:18 tells me is there’s a connection between not
feeling loved as the person God created me to be and my worry, anxiety, and
fear. Being able to receive love, mercy, and grace significantly affects our
ability to decrease fear-based symptoms. Fear breeds secrecy and shame. Opening
ourselves up to receive love from God and safe people allows us to see what is
true and hold onto hope.I’ll always have a chemical
predisposition to anxiety and depression, but I can have compassion and learn
how to care for myself well when I’m in the midst of that storm. Learning how
to battle my isolating thoughts and allowing God and others to care for me was
really difficult. I had a lot of feelings and beliefs about being seen as weak
and vulnerable that needed to be critiqued.As a counselor, I work hard to offer a safe, caring therapeutic relationship to my clients. Sharing how they've been wounded emotionally and relationally is the key to healing. Allowing God to
show how parents, spouses, and important people failed to love us in ways you
needed is painful, but often uncovers old fears and hurts which invade the
present. Asking “what, why, how” questions allowed me to move from living in
fear to embracing a joyful, freedom based life. John 8:32 tells us the truth
will set us free. Truth gives us a solid foundation and energy to withstand
internal and external storms. Doing the hard work of seeing how you’ve been
relationally failed and understanding your unhealthy responses to those hurts will equip you with truth to face fearful worries, thoughts and feelings.