Many of the 80 season ticket holders randomly “invited” to pay $80-per to attend former coach Don Shula’s 80th birthday party Saturday night at Land Shark Stadium are complaining bitterly about the way they were treated at the banquet.

How ungrateful of Sorentrue. Who wouldn’t pay $80 to watch (from a heavily guard, roped-off location) Fergie serenading a bewildered Shula whilst savoring personal proximity to dozens of other local South Florida celebrities. (Give it up for Hank Goldberg!)

The event description from Lambiet hooked me, but accounts from commenters who actually paid $80 to watch Tony Sparano inhale enough langoustines to greenlight another season of Deadliest Catch are truly wondrous.