BS 4 U

New Metrobus route specifically designed to maximise uselessness

Sports fans eager to travel to games at Ashton Gate have been told that a ‘soon to open’ new Metrobus service was ‘not for them’, because it wasn’t designed to transport a large number of people from one place to another.

The M2 bus route, which will have stops serving Temple Meads station, Ashton Gate stadium and Long Ashton park & ride, has the potential to work like a sort-of big car that people can share to get to and from matches. However, around the times when half of football and rugby matches are scheduled the busses will not be running, in case people use them.

In a statement released by Metrobus bosses, they confirmed that the bus timetables had been ‘designed’ this way as part of their long term strategic plan to ‘maximise uselessness’.

The statement went on to confirm that the Metrobus route was ‘never meant to be’ for fans visiting the stadium, and anyone else who wants to get the Metrobus to town on a Sunday, or go out after 9:30pm on any other day of the week should ‘suck it’ too.

“Metrobus is about much more than transporting people. We have busses with tiny wheels on the sides, which make them go fast. We’re hot, we’re sexy. We’re a hot and sexy bus company for the 21st century, and there’s nothing you can do about it,

“We set our own agenda and we don’t wait for nobody. You snooze you lose, loser.” A spokesman for Metrobus explained.