Dispatches from the Control Room – February 13

* The first of my two top secret projects aired today. I’m fairly pleased with the outcome, considering that to do them, I had to walk through hell over broken glass with bare feet after a molten tar truck driven by angry vultures overturned, enraging a colony of fire ants with a taste for human eyeballs.

* Jane-of-all-trades Kat brought in donuts and coffee this morning. I wonder if she’ll be my Valentine.

* A couple girls from the newsroom spent a few minutes cutting a donut in half so they wouldn’t have to eat the whole thing. That bothers me. Quit pretending those 100 extra calories matter and shove the whole thing in your face. No one wants your leftover half-donut. You touched it.

The only worse food faux pas is committed by those jokers who dab their pizza with a napkin to soak up all the grease. Newsflash: it’s pizza. A little grease won’t kill you. But I will, if I see you dabbing your slice.