You'll spend X amount of time with her if, and only if, she regularly sees a therapist...with no skips (save physical illness).

Flarelord member, 407 postsMon 10 Dec 2018at 19:57

msg #1305

Sympathy and Therapy, Both in need of supply.

Wow, am I ticked off right now.

So, GMs who pitch the notion that they are open to third party content as long as you can show them the material in question and have it checked out; generally, you should be expecting players to ASK you if one thing or another is OK, and you should probably be willing to reply to those players to tell them whether or not what they want to use is OK or not with you.

You should probably answer prospective players in time for them to actually compose something before you close your game off. I specifically said that if the material I was asking about wasn't okay, i was fine with that and could do something else, but... I kind of needed to know, one way or the other...

Meh. It's not worth it.

CrazyIvan777 member, 258 postsTue 11 Dec 2018at 03:03

msg #1306

Staggering along

Over the past eight months, five of my close friends have moved out of state to live elsewhere. One of my friends has been revealed to have Alzheimers and stage four cancer, and has about 5-6 months to live. Her husband will be destitute due to medical bills, and before knowing about the illness of his spouse, he opened his own business.

That's all background. That's all explanation why my life-stress has grown further and further, and my normally-bad feeling of being alone has ramped up like crazy.

A person whom I've long-considered one of my best friends, or, at the very least, someone I could talk to regularly, and talk about just about anything... Has kicked me out of their life. About three months ago they started talking to me less and less frequently, citing sickness, fatigue, or simply a want to delve into a video game. Seven weeks ago, they cut off our weekly game night 'for the foreseeable future', citing fatigue and finance reasons (which I'm not sure of). Then... They just stopped talking to me. In the last seven weeks, they've sent me two, maybe three texts. All just one or two lines, saying they hope I have a good thanksgiving or the like. Any attempt to talk to them afterwards? Nothing. There was one moment in which they told me I needed to respect their boundaries, and give them space, and since then... I think I've sent 2-3 texts, just general 'Hey, I hope you're doing okay.' One was in reply to the thanksgiving message.

No replies.

We talked every night for years. Years. And now... No reasoning. No nothing. I'm just... Ghosted.

A reason would be nice, but I ... I just want my friend back. Or some words. Something.

Could be they are in a deep state of depression. I went through something similar with a long time friend and they just ghosted out of Everyone's life. Turned out to be depression to the point that they withdrew from life in general.
Took a few years, and lots of councelling on their part, for us to reconnect, but it's not the same. Some of the spark we had is just gone. Sad though that is.

CrazyIvan777 member, 259 postsTue 11 Dec 2018at 03:23

msg #1308

Staggering along

Yeah. A mutual friend has said that she's gone into this a couple of times before, and at one point it lasted for six months. It... Hurts. To think that either I did something wrong and got cut out, or she's not doing well and I can't do anything to help her. :/

I'm pretty sure I'm sliding into a depressive funk. I normally enjoy Christmas, but of course that always brings a lot of extra work. I took over doing Christmas cookies several years ago, and normally I crank them out over two days and a night, but I'm barely a third of the way through my list and I want to give up. I haven't done Christmas cards yet and I dread doing them (thank God my husband does his side of the family unprompted). I have several writing obligations I am behind on, and have upcoming games I need to prep for.

I know part of this stems from my last good friends moving to the other side of the country this summer - I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this stuff, or anyone left locally I could consistently call on for help. I just had four days off in a row, and I still felt like I barely got anything accomplished.

Something is going to have to give, and soon. Social media will likely be the second thing on the chopping block, and the first thing, as always, will be sleep.

Depression is a nasty little disease. The only way to really deal with it, past medication, is to force yourself in to a happy place and push through it. Not that this always works as the condition comes with the proplem of draining all your desires. I been struggling with it all my life, with the added problem that I can't take the medications because I get all the worst side effects from them. (on the physical end, not the mental end thankfully).
But we are here if you need to vent and give a provible shoulder to lean / cry on.

I've been on medication before, and therapy, and both were (thankfully) effective. Right now I've just got a bad stew of loss of support plus additional stress and it would be nice if everything else could just stop for a week or two while I catch up. It won't, but it'd be nice.

Thanks for the shoulder, ShadowPrism!

Brianna member, 2164 postsTue 11 Dec 2018at 22:16

msg #1312

Staggering along

In reply to Isida KepTukari (msg # 1311):

Sounds as though you're spreading yourself a bit thin, especially for this time of year. Can you postpone or drop any of the responsibilities? Keep in mind that you don't have to have full blown Light Deprivation Syndrome to be affected by the days getting shorter.

I really hope I don't have Light Deprivation Syndrome; I've been on a night shift for the better part of 12 years! I was able to get my dad on board to take over some holiday baking, and my husband is picking up more chores , so that is helping somewhat. I should be able to, shall we say, steal time from work to do some game prep, and at I am off the hook for cooking dinner for the next week. Little things, baby steps...

Brianna member, 2165 postsWed 12 Dec 2018at 21:23

msg #1314

Staggering along

In reply to Isida KepTukari (msg # 1313):

Well, it sounds as though you are light deprived! Try some supplemental Vitamin E, and if you can, get some light bulbs intended to help plants grow in winter; the light best for plants is also good for us. Neither will do you any harm, and maybe they will help. I think a lot of people suffer from light deprivation, luckily most of us only to a minor degree. But certainly a lot feel depressed, overwhelmed etc at this time of year, for varying reasons.

Look, I know you like a beef roast. I know you like a beef roast for special occasions. And we have managed to add your beef roast to nearly every large family dinner that we have, even those that don't need them at all. But to say you're going to leave our family gathering on Christmas Day in order to go home and cook a roast because the rest of us just wanted to have a lighter brunch meal...

It's a damn childish and selfish thing to do. You say Christmas Day isn't Christmas Day without a roast. I say Christmas Day isn't Christmas Day without family. Ducking out because you aren't getting the exact food that you want (a food you can cook any other damn day of the year) is not appropriate. It's disrespectful in particular to those family members we haven't seen in a year.

Other family members have decided to be accommodating and let you cook your wretched lump of beef at our family gathering, just so we don't have to argue. But can't we, for once, just do some things with the family without having to structure everything around your refusal to compromise? We have to eat super-early because you have work in the morning. We have to have a roast because you eat other meat only very reluctantly. You refuse to give up so much as an hour of sleep (despite the fact you'll stay up an hour past your "bedtime" in order to catch up on your online games), despite the fact I frequently short myself in order to make sure I can spend time with the people I love (regardless of my night shift schedule).

You've seen the difficulties I've had this holiday season already. For the love of little apples, don't pull this manure with me right now!

I bought a new dishwasher (on sale) for a friend for xmas - it showed up to be installed, only for it to have a large dent in the door. (leads to hassle getting it set up to be installed as the store had to do a new contract and sale, which ironically is $40 cheaper as the extra matterials (hoses and such) were on sale now.) So that much is good. But it's not going to get installed till sometime after New Years.

On my front, for my neighbors I got each a different flavor of fudge (the all loved it). The gifts I got back though, fruit from a neighbor who knows I am diabetic (knows I can't have candy but never thought about the natural sugars in the fruit). Still nice to be remembered.
Other neighbor, a very nice lady who actually started our groups annual xmas gifting amoung the neighbors - got me a nice new shirt - 1 size to small for me. Still nice she thought of me. I gave her the tangerines the first neighbor gave me. I know how much her family loves them, so that worked out. (Edit: I misread the size of the shirt, it does fit as it is a Tall (I am tall and most normal shirts are thus to small) so Yea!
Of the fruit, gave it to a family I know, told them it was from me and the first lady (the one who gave it to me to begin with). I did this as we are all neighbors. They loved it to and I told my friend what I did, she thought that was a nice gesture on my part.

Learned though that the relitives I normally spend the holiday with are off on a family trip, so that will not be happening this year. I learned this via another family memeber as my cousins forgot to tell me they will be out of town on Xmas (had no one thought to tell me I would have learned it only after I got to their place, which is a 3 hour drive.) And as it was I was only told as an after thought.

This message was last edited by the user at 00:41, Sun 23 Dec 2018.

Brianna member, 2166 postsSat 22 Dec 2018at 23:38

msg #1317

Staggering along

In reply to Isida KepTukari (msg # 1315):

In my family some have allergies and intolerances (much more serious than 'I want beef roast, whine, whine') so each family brings something that covers any restrictions, though we also have dessert recipes that work. If someone wanted beef roast, which also tends to be expensive, we'd expect that person to bring their own.

Our routine may be very different than yours. We rent the hall, with use of the kitchen, at the church, and everyone speaks for what they can/want to bring from a loosely planned menu, so that one person doesn't have to do all the cooking and cleaning up. We never have beef; there would be 50 of us (so far) if everyone came, so we'd need most of the cow! This modified pot luck may not be your thing, but perhaps a version of it? Like the hosts might do the main course, others might bring desserts, and 'oh, yeah, you'll be bringing beef roast since you want that?'

But sometimes you just have to resign yourself to not having the difficult one there. One of my brothers-in-law rarely comes; I think he finally quit smoking which wasn't allowed, but he still wants beer with his meal - none of that in a church hall, and about half the family don't drink alcohol. My husband goes sometimes; we'll have to see if he shows up more often now he's retired. I think from your post it may not be that simple to just leave someone out if that's what they want, but it's something to consider.

BTW timing is set, people accommodate as best they can. For instance my (more local) son-in-law works the day we are celebrating Christmas this year, a good hour's drive away. But he will come after work, my daughter will come on the bus probably the day before and stay with us, they will work it out. Even if there were fewer of us, we wouldn't set up the time entirely to suit one person, except maybe the host.

I reconnected with my abusive brother. It was not a mistake, but it reinforced what a piece of trash he is. I had to get him out of my mental space; the resentment and the OCD was letting him get space in my mind without paying rent.I had to confront him, and not to argue, to forgive him; not to not be totally done with him; but to release the hatred that was only festering. It's like someone said, hating someone is liking drinking poison and hoping the other person gets sick.

Anyway, I bought him an NES classic; mostly so he'd stay home and stop going over to see our nephew, which I've done all I can but the flipper is free as far as the state is considered until after damage is done. So anyway, I went to hook up the thing, because he couldn't figure out an HDMI plug. He is that awkward. I thought I had my phone but when I went for it, it was gone. I messaged him to have him look for it. Dude has a room the size of walk in closet, it would only be in one place. Nope, he can't find it. "Oh well" I call my voicemail on my friend's phone. Flipping ass was listening to my messages. That's how manipulative he was. I know because he saved a message on that date, the 20th, and I hadn't even listened to the message yet. So I messaged him, "give me my phone, I don't want you listening to my messages", and he goes "I didn't listen to your messages, your phone isn't here!" that would be fine, if I didn't call him on the way over to his place, if I hadn't patted my pocket when I left. The only place else it could be is the car, and well, my car's name isn't Christine. The car was locked, and no one could listen to my messages without being Jason Born or a Pretender.

So I just ordered a new phone. The silver lining. It was due, VERY overdue. The charger isn't even made anymore, and the wire was frayed so bad. The thing wasn't even a flip phone, remember those? Go older! It was this Nokia flat phone from like 2003. Like I say to people about my gaming books, I get a HELL of a lot of use of out objects I buy, and that phone was free anyway, through the state. I've had it since about...oh I think 2010, about. I have free service (though it's shotty) because I am under the poverty line, so all I had to do was pay like $50 for a free and clear phone, a smart phone. It was funny, Anne, my friend, was like "It's only rated at 71% liking" and I'm like "Anne! It's $50, for one. It's free service, for another. And did you SEE my old phone? I don't give a flip about anything but the base necessities, and yes I will uphold that. I have a tablet I barely leave the netflix and youtube pages. I have zero incentive to fiddle on it. I still get to be the one rolling my eyes and other people doing that and not be a hypocrite. But yeah, a bit of twist of luck, I probably would have use the Nokia until it...like electrified something. I have THAT "male" gene where I'm stubborn about getting rid of things.

I'm still upset about my brother listening to my messages. I mean it was;

Today I booted up the Word Pad I have been using for Years - a Notice popped up that I had an 'unliscensed copy' and that I had to get either there Word 365 Supscription Service (base is $99.99) or just Buy a new 'one time' Word 2019 ($149.99).
Now the Word Pad work Perfectly for what I do with it. I could insert pictures in to it, that showed up fine. Crop them, put them where I wanted, etc. The New version, will show the place holders for the pictures, but only show them if IT places them where it wants them, puts them in wierd places and formats and fights me for Everything else I want to do that is any more complex than using it for a typing program.
I really am feeling like I was Robbed by Microsoft because I just wanted to use my Old program that worked Perfectly and had No problems. But because this giant corperation decided they wanted More Money from the little people they disabled the working program and FORCED you to buy their overly expensive and somehow Broken POS programs.

Oh and I did try to just reinstall my old copy - From Disk with the key provided - the pop up came anyway. I contact Microbrains and they said it was because my old program, which is from Windows 7 'is no longer supported'. I told them I did not care, because it WORKED. They threw allot of Marketing garbage at me, I calmly took it apart and told them they were just a corperate cyber bully forcing the little guy in to buying their crap (which I obviously did cause I NEED a working Word program).
So now I am stuck with an expensive broken POS that barely functions in a way my old program did.

Oh I also started to have problems with Notepad to, it keeps flickering and stuttering. Something it did not do before last night, which tells me THEY have done something to it to. The Rat Finks!

Added note: the Program they disabled, Word Pad - the base program that has been in Every computer they have put out in the Last 20 years FOR FREE!

@ShadowPrism - What a bunch of hooey, and shame on Microsoft! I had a similar problem when I got a new laptop several years ago. They had decided that what every laptop user wanted was a tablet-like interface. Except this interface was littered with a couple dozen icons to programs I had zero interest in using, or even had no idea what they were! I couldn't figure out any obvious way to access my documents, files, pictures, or even the Internet! I had it taken to a computer store to put a desktop simulator on it, because I had absolutely no interest in dealing with random nonsense icons that didn't even let me get at my files in an obvious fashion. I'm not doing anything more elaborate on my computer than surfing the web, writing on Word, and using iTunes - I don't need dozens of random app icons for that!

I'm with you on this: I've been MS-free since 2003. Get a copy of LibreOffice (free, open source, and cross-platform). It's even available for Windows.

When you want a real OS, PM me and we'll talk.

Brianna member, 2167 postsSat 29 Dec 2018at 20:15

msg #1322

Mircosoft Shiitakes

In reply to Isida KepTukari (msg # 1320):

Amazon has the same mind set. I have a Kindle Fire, just got a new one because the old was on its last gasp. But Amazon wants Fire to be a tablet, and seem to have forgotten it was originally an e-reader. Icons all over the place, some I don't even recognize, and for many I can't imagine using them on a device with a battery that runs out so quickly just as a reader. Also too much of it is set up to try and get you to buy something. Fair enough, but when I'm looking for something in my own library, even if I wanted to buy, I want to find my own stuff first!

Varsovian member, 1462 postsSun 6 Jan 2019at 20:58

msg #1323

RPG blues

I looked at my RPG collection and I realized something:

I will never probably get to play or GM most of this stuff. I haven't even read many of these books. NWoD Changeling and Hunter, Pathfinder, Modiphius' Conan, Star Trek and Infinity... all so great, but still not actually used...

Ugh. I want to play and GM, drat!

Also: I suck at playing. Too often I have invited people to start games, but I had no time to participate in them in the end... People end up wasting time. Ugh, again.

Varsovian - I hear you, so many games, so little time. I backed a rather expensive tabletop RPG on Kickstarter 2 years ago, assuming I'd get to play it with my local group. Two years later, when it arrived, everyone but one person has moved at least five states away. While we'll try to play online, one of the draws of the game were the interesting physical components, so that's a disappointment. I have settings I've barely scratched the surface of, corners of worlds I have yet to explore, books I've barely cracked, and there are just not enough hours in the day or days of the week to play them all.

I am going to seek out more local players at my FLGS, but that's always a bit of a lengthy process as you try to find people who are not only good gamers, but could also be good friends.

I have an opportunity to run a guest session for my friend's West Marches game, and I have cooked up a cool scenario. It's a bit mechanically intricate, involves several encounters in rapid succession, and requires some problem solving and puzzling.

The players want to start the game at a late hour, and the game is designed to resolve scenarios in one session. And I just know that one of the players is going to show up so incredibly baked that he won't be able to tell a five foot square from a hole in the ground.

Egads, I feel you GreyGriffin. You end up being stuck between, "Do I be accommodating for my players, without which I wouldn't be gaming?" and "I am the GM, they wouldn't be able to game if I wasn't there, so I get a bigger say in the circumstances?"

I'd say showing up at a reasonable hour so there's enough time to game and have everyone be sober and alert is an extremely modest request for a game.

OceanLake member, 1056 postsSat 12 Jan 2019at 20:28

msg #1327

RPG blues

Well, if players are drunk or similar, so are their characters. They are under handicaps accordingly. And it's only fair to warn them well before the session.

Yaztromo member, 220 postsSat 12 Jan 2019at 22:00

msg #1328

Re: RPG blues

GreyGriffin:

I have an opportunity to run a guest session for my friend's West Marches game, and I have cooked up a cool scenario.