Berman’s Portable Goal Posts

Say what you will about Texas state Rep. Leo Berman, R-Tyler, you have to give the man credit for becoming a master at moving the goal posts.

Unless you were nowhere near a TV or computer on Wednesday, you missed the big dose of widely verified reality the White House dropped on the world when it released President Obama’s long-form birth certificate proving what most rational people already knew: President Obama was, in fact, born in the United States.

Maybe not surprisingly, that still doesn’t satisfy Rep. Berman, who filed a bill (HB 295) this year requiring that presidential and vice presidential candidates present an original birth certificate to qualify for the Texas ballot. But after President Obama presented his birth certificate to the nation yesterday, Birther Berman flipped the switch and got those goal posts a-movin’ out of the stadium and all the way out into the parking lot.

He said he’s now seen two birth certificates: the Hawaiian one released by Obama this morning, and one he said indicates Obama was born in Mombasa, Kenya. And he claims the hospital Obama lists on his birth certificate — in fact, all hospitals in Honolulu — have denied the president was born there.

And here’s video from the Tribune of Berman’s lingering doubts:

See? He’s just asking questions — not giving any credible answers, but at least he has the courage to ask questions.

You know who else asks a lot of questions? PolitiFact Texas. The award-winning website has vetted Berman’s latest claims and guess how they rated them? C’mon, guess.

4 Responses to “Berman’s Portable Goal Posts”

No surprise here. Birther motivation comes only from two sources: political expediency and/or bigotry. Obama should not have released the “long form”. The moderates and left don’t care. The right will never be satisfied, being in pursuit of political agenda or driven by hatred.

Well, if the birth certificate is fake, there is one way to finally get to the bottom of this birther thing. Barack Hussein Obama Senior, the Kenyan father of President Obama, was a member of the Luo tribe in Kenyan. Rumor has it that every male child born into the Luo tribe, while present on Kenyan soil, is required by tribal law to be marked with a special ancestral lineage tattoo that is applied to the head of the penis shortly after birth. This requirement is taken so seriously that no child born into the Luo tribe can escape the application of this tattoo. It is compelled by tradition. Indeed, reception of the tattoo is a solemn act of faith, as was ritual circumcision among the ancient Jews in Biblical times. This custom may have made its way into Kenya in ancient times by immigrating Jews who are known to have carried their faith to Ethiopia, which shares a border with Kenya.

If President Obama was secretly born into the Luo tribe while on Kenyan soil, rather than at a hospital in Hawaii, the head of his penis will bear the distinctive and unmistakable lineage tattoo of the Luo tribe. Therefore, if Mr. Obama wants to come clean and put this birther controversy to rest once and for all, he needs to present his penis for examination by the American people. Original birth certificates can be faked, and the one released in the past 24 hours is already being called into question.

Tattoos can be erased by dermatologists, but not without leaving some tell-tale scarring. Consequently, the President’s penis will tell the true story one way or another. Just as a record that an original birth certificate exists is no substitute for the original certificate itself, a photograph of the President’s penis can be air-brushed to remove the tell-tale Luo tattoo or scarring. Therefore, to settle the controversy, the President must present his penis to the American people for examination on live national television in prime time. While on television, the penis shall be examined and certified with regard to the presence or absence of the Luo tattoo. This will be done on-air by all nine justices of the U.S. Supreme Court and a Congressionally selected panel of both conservative and liberal members of the American news media. If the tattoo is absent, Mr. Obama will be certified as born in the United States and qualified to hold the office of President of the United States. If the tattoo is present or scarring indicative of an attempt at removing it is present, this will be satisfactory evidence that Mr. Obama is not a natural born American citizen and is not qualified to continue in office of President of the United States.

Aw. Shucks!!!! I had hoped that at least someone would find it funny. I had even greater hopes that some person on the far right would take it seriously, embrace it as their own it, and broadcast it all across America. Then, in millions of far right conservative minds a light would go on, and they would all say in unison: