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Careerealism

Here is your Black Friday Book Shopping List. There is something on it for everyone.

All links (blue) are non-affiliate links, which means I do not receive any compensation. They will take you directly to the author’s website. The others can be found on Amazon.com

Widows

“Postcards from the Widows’ Path” (Ferree Hardy) (widowschrisitanplace.com) – I bought this book earlier this year and found myself having a hard time putting it down. Each chapter begins with a postcard written by Naomi, Ruth, or Orpah. Then Ferree tells the tale of the three women, while weaving in her own experiences as a widow. For example, in Chapter 5 she explains the 2 needs of widows – “kindness and rest.” This chapter resonated with me the most. As a widow, these quickly became short in supply – especially “kindness.”

The book of Ruth affirms that God is with widows and cares for us even though at times it does not feel like it.

Thank you Ferree for this wonderful book.

“Healing After Loss, Daily Meditations on Working Through Grief” (Martha Whitmore Hickman)

This is the book Joe’s Aunt, who is a nun, gave me at the funeral home. April 17th, is the day I started reading it and the devotion for that day really spoke to me. I began to have hope of surviving my grief journey.

“Through A Season of Grief, devotions for your journey from mourning to joy” (Bill Dunn and Kathy Leonard)

A devotional based on GriefShare, a Biblically based world-wide grief support group. I was a participant for a year and then co-facilitated the group for 4 years. I have lots of sticky and handwritten notes in the margins.

“Finding Hope In Times of Grief”(Preston and Glenda Parrish)

A moving story of how hope in Christ got Preston and Glenda through their son’s unexpected passing, and how they discovered Jesus is enough. It is not just for parents whose child has moved to heaven as there are lessons for everyone in this book.

The only book on leadership you will ever need. Mr. Eastman’s model for leadership is based on 7 character elements. Read and put into practice this model and you will distinguish yourself from other employees once you land a job. Use this model while volunteering during your career transition and you will stand out from other job seekers. Don’t let the title fool you, it is a brief and easy read. One of my all-time favorite quotes is from Mr. Eastman and can be found at the bottom of the link to his website.

“The challenges we face today are not economic, environmental, social, or legal; they are challenges of character and leadership.”

Want a satisfying career? Start here. J.T.’s methodology will help you figure out if you are on the right path or if you need to switch careers. The book is great alone but better if used with Careerealism.com and/or CareerHMO.com

Everyone

“Positive Living Day by Day” (Norman Vincent Peale) – Short one page devotions designed to lift your spirits. There is no year to the dates, so you can use this book every year.

“Positive Thinking Every Day” (Norman Vincent Peale) – Inspirational one or two liners for every day.

November 17th – “Be bold, and mighty powers will come to your aid.”

How will you be bold today? (Standing in line at Walmart for Black Friday deals does not count.)

“Choose Joy Because Happiness Isn’t Enough” (Kay Warren)

This is a book I have marked up a lot with hi-liter, pen and sticky-notes. It is very uplifting and heart-warming. It affirms the thought I had of joy being a deeper emotion than happiness.

“Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in all things.”

(pg 31)

Here is scripture from the beginning of Chapter 6 “Believing Even In Darkness.” May it speak to you today and every day.

“Through the heartfelt mercies of our God, God’s Sunrise will break in upon us, shining on those in the darkness, those sitting in the shadow of death, then showing us the way, one foot at a time, down the path of peace.

Luke 1:78-79 (“The Message” version)

There you have it, my list of books to buy for those on your shopping list. And remember to add one or more for yourself as well.

Thank You For Scattering Joy

Like this:

Now I know you new readers are thinking “I thought this was a blog about your widowhood adventures?” It is. One of my adventures after becoming a widow was experiencing an extended job search.

What I Did In My Previous Life

When Joe passed in March of 2008 I was working as a mortgage collector for a major bank and had been there 12 years. I returned to work after being given 10 days bereavement leave. It was very difficult to go back but I had to do it. If I had not gone back after the two weeks, I would probably never have returned to the bank.

Weekends during the first year were spent mostly on the couch conserving energy so I had enough to get through the next work week.

How It Came To Pass

I took a week’s vacation at the one-year mark of Joe’s passing. When I returned to work, I was pulled into a conference room and told to work 2 p.m. – 11 p.m. or take a 6 month severance package ( I had been working 8 a.m. – 5 p.m.) After much prayer, and consultation with family and friends, I took the severance package.

In a conversation with my sister-in-law, I said “I survived the first year of widowhood which was hell, so certainly I can survive unemployment.” She very skeptically said “I don’t know.” She was right, I was wrong. Unemployment almost did what widowhood did not do – kill me.

Confidence During My 3.5 Year Journey

A widows confidence takes a big hit while grieving then combine that with a lack of confidence caused by unemployment and you have recipe for a disaster of Titanic proportions. I began to wonder if I would ever work again or if living under a bridge was my destiny.

My confidence took a hit during job search because of fighting 2 stigmas.

The stigma of being a widow.

The stigma of being unemployed.

How Society Sees Widows

Widows are seen as invisible and people who do see us treat us as untouchable. At least one of the following 6 statements describe society’s mindset towards widows:

You have cooties.

You are too “young” to be a widow but “too old” to be hired.

We just don’t know and don’t want to know how to help you.

You are about to bust up a marriage or a relationship in order to get a man.

You are unworthy of help (household or job search) because you are a “young” widow and can do it all.

We were only friends with you because we were friends with your husband long before you came into his life.

Huh?!

Finding Confidence

I found confidence in figuring out who I was as a person:

Blogger

Photographer

Book Reader

Volunteer (Golden Retrievers In Need; GriefShare Co-Facilitator)

and as a career professional:

Loan Officer by day

Freelance writer/editor/photographer by night

It was tough figuring out my personal and professional life at the same time. It took a lot of self-reflection about my likes and dislikes. By no means did I figure it out overnight. Truthfully, there are some days I am not sure I have the professional part of my life figured out.

Faith – My Other Source Of Confidence

My faith got me through my grief journey, so I relied on it to get through my extended unemployment. God blessed me with meeting a lot of people online and offline. I read my Bible, inspirational books, listened to Christian music, and surrounded myself with positive, helpful friends. All of this helped keep me upbeat but I had my down days. When those days hit, I embraced them and worked through them.

I learned to lean on God and realized He is the only man I need to handle whatever life throws my way. Yes, someday I might want to be involved in another relationship and marriage, but the need is not there.

Don’t think that because you are in England, India, or elsewhere around the world you are exempt from helping. There are plenty of people from all over the world that attend Office Hours daily. Office Hours is an online chat where J.T. answers questions from those in the program. Her advice applies no matter where you live.

Thank You For Scattering Joy

Like this:

(Author’s Note: I am on a 2 week vacation to purge some frustration and restore my spirit. In the meantime, I dusted off and breathed a little bit of new life into some older posts.)

“Wellbeing”

Tom Rath and Jim Harter wrote a book titled “Wellbeing, The Five Essential Elements.”

After using the code from the book and going to the website, it indicated that career’s significantly shape our wellbeing. So much so that it takes less time to recover from the loss of a spouse than it does extended unemployment.

I concur.

Recovering From Grief

I was 18 months into my grief journey when I realizedthat I was 98% through grief.

The journey was painful and the 18 months seemed like 18 years. However, I had access to a quality support program – “Griefshare.” Those of us in the program could relate on some level to what each person was going through. We were there to support each other. The co-facilitators were available 24/7 if we needed them.

The Most Important Fact

There was a consensus about how to recover from grief.

It was going to take time, leaning on God, viewing the weekly videos, completing the workbook exercises and sharing out stories with each other.

I was confident grief would always be with me but would eventually be manageable. It did become manageable but not as quickly or painlessly as I wanted.

While working through a grief journey was tough, it was not nearly as tough as being between jobs.

Recovering From Extended Unemployment

There are more career counselors than one can shake a stick at, so that means there is NOconsensus about what to do and how to do it. The only thing coaches have in common is they love doing a “Jack the Ripper” number on resumes.

One coach says your resume should look like this, a second coach says it must look like this and a third one says the heck with what coach #1 and #2 say – do it my way!

An Outplacement Agency Adventure

For example, while working with an outplacement agency, the counselors talked about having “white space” on my resume so it was easily readable. After I got done, I looked at my resume and said to myself “Where’s the whitespace?” All I saw was a lot of words. The only “white space” was in the margins. At least they got the party about my resume being accomplishment based right.

Back To Square One

So I went back to the drawing board and refined and tweaked my resume on my own. I did not do a bad job. However after attending a video seminar by JT O’Donnell of Careerealism.com and CareerHMO.com, my resume had plenty of white space. WhoooHooo!

I’m So Confused

Extended unemployment can also lead to career confusion. One moment I was sure which path to take, the next moment I was scratching my head.

So I started taking career assessment tests. Since Joe’s passing I had no idea who I was which made taking career tests even harder. I knew what Joe and I liked to do, but was clueless about my personal interests as well as career interests.

“Even Now”

It is harder to keep motivated during extended unemployment. I began to question my self-worth. Do I have anything left to give society or am I all washed up? Even now, there are days I still question my worth.

The 80%

Then there was the little tidbit of information my doctor told me.

Shortly after Joe died I went in for a check-up and the doctor told me my chance of becoming ill and dying with-in two years was great. She did not say how great and I was too shocked and chicken to ask, but I got the impression it was at least 80% or better. Talk about encouraging news.

It made sense a year later when I became unemployed why no one was calling me back for interviews, after all I was going to be dead by the second anniversary. This led to me having very little motivation for job hunting.

The good news is I have since made it passed the second, third, and now fourth year anniversaries of Joe’s passing. Yes!

In His Time

I know extended unemployment will come to an end in God’s time, not mine. No one in my family thought that with 13 ½ years of banking collections experience, including 7 years in management, that I would be unemployed for over two years.

Maybe I should have answered all those insurance sales ads I got once I put my resume on Careerbuilder.

#1 Career Tip

Michele’s career tip #1 – If you want to transition into insurance sales put your resume on Careerbuilder. Companies will inundate you with interview requests.

Update

Since this story was written, I updated my Careerbuilder resume. It is now titled “Communications Manager/Social Media Strategist.” I actually had a phone interview for a Social Media Analyst position. Since I have no experience as an analyst for another company, I did not get an in-person interview. However, no insurance companies have contacted me about becoming an agent since updating my resume – well at least not yet. 😉