A Balanced Approach to Wellness

Posts tagged ‘people’

This blog post is not about investing money. It is about investing in what’s around you—in friendships, in committed relationships, in neighborly relations, in family, and in the community. Investing in these important relationships is investing for a rainy day at its best!

Good News: Investing in family, friends and community builds a safety net

“Investing in friendships and giving and taking from friends is nourishing. Investing in relationships is natural and is needed to live a balanced life. Investing in family—children, children’s children, siblings, cousins, and so on builds a network of support that is reliable. Investing in communal activities builds a network of support that nourishes and strengthens the individual community members and the collective group.”… from “Oneself—Living”.

Investing time is necessary in order to build a safety net for when life becomes difficult or too hard to bear alone. Often, people put work obligations before obligations to family, friends, and community. This behavior has become acceptable in society, but it is short-sighted. The more a person gives to the relationships that truly matter, the more protection from the surprises that occur in life. Of course, a person must perform work obligations with an enthusiastic spirit and with focus, but work obligations should be one section of life, not all of life.

Good News: Investing in family, friends and community supports good health

The more people invest in their relationships and community, the more balanced their health. Time spent with people who are meaningful creates memories that enrich beyond the moments in which they occurred. Positive memories are better, but even negative memories create experiences that build and nurture if the negative experiences are within the realm of realistic disagreeable treatment. In other words, interactions with family members, friends, and community acquaintances do not always have to be positive for the investment to be worthwhile. Learning to negotiate the varying needs of the various people is balancing.

Tip:

Choose a community betterment activity that excites you so you’ll want to participate. If you enjoy the arts, volunteer at a museum or in an enhancing-the-neighborhood project. If you prefer working on your own, volunteer with community building or cleaning projects. There are enough volunteer opportunities to suit all personalities.

The less people invest in their relationships and community, the less balanced their health. Simple as that.

Conclusion

Investing for a rainy day means being prepared for whatever may come. Rain is not negative, but it can cause a change in plans. The same is true for changes in health, family structure (through births, deaths, divorce, etc.), and societal balance. Being prepared means planning ahead—making sure to invest in the connections that truly matter.

The last group of blog posts has focused on the negative aspects of the sense of superiority. Personally I have found these posts to be challenging, because I have had to confront my own prejudices and ingrained sense of superiority.

My actions have been influenced by my society’s treatment of me, but I had chosen to accept preferential treatment without questioning the justice of it. Preferential treatment has been habit-forming and I now have to choose to break the habit. Not so easy!

With superiority comes a sense of deservedness, and with the sense of deservedness comes the sense of expectation that others will serve, and with the sense of expectation that others will serve comes the expectation that authority will be recognized, and with the expectation that authority will be recognized comes the insecurity that undeservedness underpins authority, and this sense of insecurity pushes the drive for feeling superior. The core of superior sense of self is inferiority, a negative sense of self.

Looking over the possible reasons for feeling “superior”: nationality, financial security, gender, race, religion, social status, physical attributes, intellectual gifts, athletic prowess, and celebrity—the sense of superiority can feel inevitable. In actuality, it is a choice that can be rejected or embraced.

The sense of superiority is a negative sense of self that requires eradication. Letting go of the sense of superiority should be a societal priority that each person can pursue individually and as members of a just and caring society.

The various causes of superior sense of self are presented in these blog posts:

Superiority is a strange phenomenon. All people are similar, and yet, there are some who consider themselves superior. These people believe that race membership, financial position, gender affiliation, nationality, and/or education entitle them to raised social status. Physical attractiveness, athletic prowess, and fashion taste are other factors in people acting superior.

Religious superiority is the most destructive belief of all. No religious group has closer connection to God than any other. No group!

The sense of superiority is distancing and it clouds judgment when interacting with others. The sense of superiority tarnishes dialogue and creates contempt. As people distance, misjudge, and condescend, they define a society that is uncaring and disconnected. Such a society cannot nurture its member or provide empathy.

Spirit is clear that a sense of superiority is wrong thinking about oneself and others.

There are a few exceptions when the superiority comes from care for the environment. Everyone who puts their own needs below their care for the environment deserves to feel good about their actions. Focusing on care for the environment has no connection to race, religion, gender, nationality, financial position, physical attractiveness, athletic prowess, or fashion taste.

Security is also wanted, but not by all. Fame inspires some, but its call is quiet for most. Challenge beyond abilities appeals to a few, and it provides satisfaction and regrets. Camaraderie in experiences and memories appeals to most.

Long life is thought to be wanted by all, but many prefer significance to long existence. Significance can come from dedication to a cause or achievement that brings a feeling of completion.

Besides long life, money is thought to be wanted by all. Ownership, a result of money spent, invites those who want it, but not those who seek freedom from things. The feelings of power that come from money are appealing to many, but not to all. Money is important, yet it is less important than other desires.

Connection!Connection to others and connection to the world around hold the real wants of all people. Being part of and being needed.

People are suffering from flooding in one country. People are suffering from restrictive governmental policies in another country. Drought and food shortages create suffering in a different country. Armed conflict devastates people in other countries.

People are suffering throughout the world in different ways and in different circumstances. The suffering is connected in that the world reverberates with cries of the desperate and weak. Their cries might not be heard, but the tears swim in an ocean of anguish that flows into the lives of those who are not suffering.

The suffering alternates: sometimes these people and sometimes those people. The people who suffer less have joyful respite from difficulties, but their joy can be lessened by self-inflicted anguish.

When one person suffers, those around can uplift when possible. When whole groups of people suffer, the uplifting activities are harder to do because they require investment of resources and interest.

Connected anguish may be invisible, but it winds its way through the lives of all. Taking time to see the anguish is humanity bettered. Helping those nearby and those afar gives back to empathetic souls, because the ocean of anguish quiets. Connecting through empathy and awareness eases the times that are hard.

Last week, there was a gathering of women—Jewish women, Muslim women, and Christian women. This gathering took place in the north of Israel in an Arab village. The gathering was an opportunity to hear an Arab member of the Israeli Knesset (parliament) speak about her work for women’s rights.

I attended this gathering, together with friends from my community. There were women from cities and villages, some in traditional dress and some in tight jeans. The atmosphere was warm and inviting, and I felt welcomed.

The first speaker, a woman from the village, told us about her meaningful life advocating for women. She described her struggles in a patriarchal community—within her family and within the society—to reject a traditional role, and instead, build a place in society that gives her challenge and satisfaction. Her determination felt contagious and her words were inspirational.

Sharing a sense of sisterhood, we received her words. Some in the room face the same struggles, giving up or pushing forward. Some, like me, have freedom to choose our paths, held back only by self-imposed barriers. Connection was built that night through the shared space and receiving of emotions and inspiration.

Each opportunity to connect with unfamiliar is an opportunity to experience sameness and surprise. I received warmth from women who seem different from me and I returned it in kind. We experienced connection for a short time, and that connection can lead to familiarity, understanding, and acceptance.

Opening to others can open ourselves: opening through shared experiences and determination to connect.

Dogs recognize dogs that are from their lineage. They recognize them through scent and corresponding stimulation of taste sensors. Dogs from the same lineage will form packs if they are allowed freedom. The pack will provide protection and sustenance to its members. The pack will fight dogs from other lineages and animals that threaten the pack. The pack is “family”.

Buffaloes group by blood ties. They recognize connection through scent and corresponding stimulation of nerve receptors in the nasal cavity. A herd of buffaloes will contain grandparents, parents, and children, if they are allowed to live in freedom. The herd will link to other buffalo herds to search for food together, but they huddle in their family groups when natural disasters prevent escape.

People differ from other animals because their brains allow them to defy natural inclination to protect and group within the biological family. Like buffaloes, people naturally group by blood ties. Like dogs, people recognize lineage. Unlike buffaloes and dogs, people can adapt to live with very different people.

People can overlook the natural tendency to choose sameness and can choose “other” instead. The ability to adapt to general human behaviors enables adaptation to different cultures, traditions, and views. The ability to adapt to other people’s customs and ideas should enable understanding and acceptance of all people, rather than racism and fear.

The desire for ownership is the cause of human conflict. Wanting someone else’s land or possessions or abilities leads to arguments and ruthlessness and wars. Wanting someone else’s partner leads to manipulation and to regrets. Wanting someone else’s reality leads to wrong choices and conflicts.

The desire for ownership will be explored in the seventh book in the Existence-Me Elevated Living book series: Descending into War, Descending into Contempt.