11 Responses to Writing from Halley

I’m on to you, Rhian. I’ve long suspected that you’re not holed up in the Antarctic but on some sound studio on the outskirts of London, owned by BAS, who long ago decided it was a lot cheaper to “manufacture” antarctic expeditions than to actually have them. Makes sense too, in this time of budget cuts.

Of course, as you are all supposedely so far away, you only have access to “a little bandwidth” to tell us how things are. How convenient! Make for very low production values, don’t you think? Not at all like the Americans and their Apollo Moon production.

And those little details that you pepper your prose with, to try to add an air of authenticity! Orion setting in the Northwest in the afternoon (true enough, I checked, but you could have looked that up in an almanac); dilute sulphuric acid not freezing instantly if there is sufficient amounts (I almost got you there), pictures of comets that could have been taken by BAS operatives in NZ and emailed over to HQ, and finally, “the base”, which is a TV set if every I saw one. You can clealry see the director’s hand intruding on several of the party shots.

My proof is inconclusive still, but the truth will out eventually. Meanwhile, I challenge you, in this age of photoshopping, to provide us with clear, incontrovertible proof that you are where you say you are…

You could be completely correct: the photos, the stories, the penguin feathers, postcards and presents that Felix can show you if you care, the project, the people, the lot… all fictitious. In fact, I believed the same when I first set sail but rather hoped they’d hide us on a tropical island and not London suburb. What dissapoints me most is that you obviously think so little of me to believe that I’d waste two years of my life making up stories from Croydon and that I care so little for my friends and family that I could be so close and not visit them once. I, however, have not lost my respect for you and in the manner you obviously have for me and still believe you to be a pedant, cynic and atheist of the highest order. I won’t walk into your trap,- what proof would you accept?

Au contraire, anybody could report what they see from the Antarctic; it’s making it all up that is the sign of true creative genius, which is why you most likely were selected by BAS.

And asking me what would suffice — very clever, I bet your superiors asked you to write that: not unlike Chalabi asking the Americans what kind of intelligence they needed to support an argument for war. If I tell you what kind of proof I want, you will know the limits of my capabilities, and I can’t let BAS know that.

A couple of days ago I was asked if I would be prepared to do an interview for RIBA journal that is covering the architectural competition to design the next Halley Station. I have just been sent the answers, deadline for BAS is tomorrow and so they want me to reply by return of email. They (BAS) sent me some answers as well!

My favourite is:

Q: Do you ever watch tapes of Big Brother, and if so, is it with a sense of recognition?

A: I’ve seen Big Brother and can say it’s nothing like living and working here at Halley. We have a very definite sense of purpose. (expand as you wish but do not empathise with this show!)

Wow, that’s crazy. RIBA sent the questions to BAS, and then BAS sent the questions on to you, complete with suggested answers??!!? And then you have to reply to BAS, not RIBA, so that they can edit your answers as they wish before they make their way on to RIBA??? Wow…

Treat this as a compliment. They are part of the Civil Service and treating you like a Minister. So you have to be warned of all the difficult questions and how you might answer them without giving hostages to fortune. Presumably these are the same people who suggested you as an interviewee? and either they are completely incompetent (unlikely) or they understand that you are not their patsy and are unlikely to do precisely what you are told unless you think it makes sense.

So respond like a Minister. Tell them how much you appreciate being warned that you might get asked such a question and reassure them that you never watch Big Brother and will answer to that effect. And then you can tell them all about the special features that you think the new base should have (a high-sulphur hot tub to help manage dehydration and general health?) and which you look forward to mentioning in response to difficult questions.

..or perhaps Rhian is in a place similar to that in “The Prisioner” t.v. show circa 1960’s in which the protagonist is in an island unaware he is being held…. all with weather ballons that track down escapees and such.;)

Sorry it has been so long since I wrote. I’ve been distracted by exams, and my dad moving and enjoying Liam’s company. It is good, as always, to read your news. I’d like to write you a proper letter, but I have not got your email address (an annoying by-product of using my mother’s email system is that when I access it from work, I don’t have an address book.) So, please could you email me and I’ll write you a letter back.