Sir Hugh Evans. Yes, py'r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat,
25there is but three skirts for yourself, in my
simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir
John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto
you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my
benevolence to make atonements and compremises
30between you.

Sir Hugh Evans. It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no
fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall
desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a
35riot; take your vizaments in that.

Robert Shallow. Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword
should end it.

Sir Hugh Evans. It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it:
and there is also another device in my prain, which
40peradventure prings goot discretions with it: there
is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas
Page, which is pretty virginity.

Slender. Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks
small like a woman.
45

Sir Hugh Evans. It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as
you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys,
and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his
death's-bed—Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!
—give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years
50old: it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles
and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master
Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.

Robert Shallow. Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?

Sir Hugh Evans. Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do
despise one that is false, or as I despise one that
60is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I
beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will
peat the door for Master Page.
[Knocks]What, hoa! Got pless your house here!
65

Sir Hugh Evans. Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and Justice
Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that
peradventures shall tell you another tale, if
70matters grow to your likings.

Page. I am glad to see your worships well.
I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.

Robert Shallow. Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it
your good heart! I wished your venison better; it
75was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?—and I
thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.

Sir Hugh Evans. Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is
three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that
125is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is
myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is,
lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.

Slender. Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might
never come in mine own great chamber again else, of
seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward
140shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and two
pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.

Bardolph. And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and
160so conclusions passed the careires.

Slender. Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no
matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again,
but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick:
if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have
165the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.

Falstaff. Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met:
175by your leave, good mistress.

[Kisses her]

Page. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a
hot venison pasty to dinner: come, gentlemen, I hope
we shall drink down all unkindness.
180

[Exeunt all except SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS]

Slender. I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of
Songs and Sonnets here.
[Enter SIMPLE]How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait
185on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles
about you, have you?

Simple. Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice
Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight
afore Michaelmas?
190

Robert Shallow. Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with
you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as 'twere, a
tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh
here. Do you understand me?

Slender. Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so,
195I shall do that that is reason.

Sir Hugh Evans. Marry, is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page.

Slender. Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any
reasonable demands.

Sir Hugh Evans. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to
210know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers
philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the
mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your
good will to the maid?

Slender. I will do a greater thing than that, upon your
request, cousin, in any reason.

Robert Shallow. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz: what I do
is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?
225

Slender. I will marry her, sir, at your request: but if there
be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may
decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are
married and have more occasion to know one another;
I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt:
230but if you say, 'Marry her,' I will marry her; that
I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.

Sir Hugh Evans. It is a fery discretion answer; save the fall is in
the ort 'dissolutely:' the ort is, according to our
meaning, 'resolutely:' his meaning is good.
235

Slender. I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. Go,
sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my
250cousin Shallow.
[Exit SIMPLE]A justice of peace sometimes may be beholding to his
friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy
yet, till my mother be dead: but what though? Yet I
255live like a poor gentleman born.

Anne Page. I may not go in without your worship: they will not
sit till you come.

Slender. I' faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as
though I did.
260

Slender. I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised
my shin th' other day with playing at sword and
dagger with a master of fence; three veneys for a
dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot
265abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your
dogs bark so? be there bears i' the town?

Slender. That's meat and drink to me, now. I have seen
Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by
the chain; but, I warrant you, the women have so
275cried and shrieked at it, that it passed: but women,
indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favored
rough things.

Sir Hugh Evans. Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius' house which
is the way: and there dwells one Mistress Quickly,
which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry
nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and
his wringer.
295

Sir Hugh Evans. Nay, it is petter yet. Give her this letter; for it
is a 'oman that altogether's acquaintance with
Mistress Anne Page: and the letter is, to desire
and require her to solicit your master's desires to
300Mistress Anne Page. I pray you, be gone: I will
make an end of my dinner; there's pippins and cheese to come.

Falstaff. No quips now, Pistol! Indeed, I am in the waist two
yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about
thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's
wife: I spy entertainment in her; she discourses,
she carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I
345can construe the action of her familiar style; and
the hardest voice of her behavior, to be Englished
rightly, is, 'I am Sir John Falstaff's.'

Pistol. He hath studied her will, and translated her will,
out of honesty into English.
350

Falstaff. I have writ me here a letter to her: and here
another to Page's wife, who even now gave me good
eyes too, examined my parts with most judicious
oeillades; sometimes the beam of her view gilded my
foot, sometimes my portly belly.
360

Falstaff. O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a
greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did
seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! Here's
365another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she
is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will
be cheater to them both, and they shall be
exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West
Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go bear thou
370this letter to Mistress Page; and thou this to
Mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive.

Pistol. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,
And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all!

Nym. I will run no base humour: here, take the
375humour-letter: I will keep the havior of reputation.

Hostess Quickly. What, John Rugby! I pray thee, go to the casement,
405and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor
Caius, coming. If he do, i' faith, and find any
body in the house, here will be an old abusing of
God's patience and the king's English.

Hostess Quickly. Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in
faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire.
[Exit RUGBY]An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant
shall come in house withal, and, I warrant you, no
415tell-tale nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is,
that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish
that way: but nobody but has his fault; but let
that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?

Hostess Quickly. We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man;
go into this closet: he will not stay long.
440[Shuts SIMPLE in the closet]What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say!
Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt
he be not well, that he comes not home.
[Singing]445And down, down, adown-a, &c.

[Enter DOCTOR CAIUS]

Doctor Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you,
go and vetch me in my closet un boitier vert, a box,
a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box.
450

Hostess Quickly. Ay, forsooth; I'll fetch it you.
[Aside]I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found
the young man, he would have been horn-mad.

Hostess Quickly. [Aside to SIMPLE] I am glad he is so quiet: if he
had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him
so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding,
man, I'll do you your master what good I can: and
the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my
495master,—I may call him my master, look you, for I
keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake,
scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds and do
all myself,—

Simple. [Aside to MISTRESS QUICKLY] 'Tis a great charge to
500come under one body's hand.

Hostess Quickly. [Aside to SIMPLE] Are you avised o' that? you
shall find it a great charge: and to be up early
and down late; but notwithstanding,—to tell you in
your ear; I would have no words of it,—my master
505himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page: but
notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind,—that's
neither here nor there.

Doctor Caius. You jack'nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh; by
gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in dee
510park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest
to meddle or make. You may be gone; it is not good
you tarry here. By gar, I will cut all his two
stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to throw
at his dog:
515

Doctor Caius. It is no matter-a ver dat: do not you tell-a me
dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I
vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine
520host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, I
will myself have Anne Page.

Hostess Quickly. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We
must give folks leave to prate: what, the good-jer!

Doctor Caius. Rugby, come to the court with me. By gar, if I have
525not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my
door. Follow my heels, Rugby.

[Exeunt DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY]

Hostess Quickly. You shall have An fool's-head of your own. No, I
know Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsor
530knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more
than I do with her, I thank heaven.

Hostess Quickly. Well, thereby hangs a tale: good faith, it is such
another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever
broke bread: we had an hour's talk of that wart. I
550shall never laugh but in that maid's company! But
indeed she is given too much to allicholy and
musing: but for you—well, go to.

Fenton. Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there's money
for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if
555thou seest her before me, commend me.

Hostess Quickly. Will I? i'faith, that we will; and I will tell your
worship more of the wart the next time we have
confidence; and of other wooers.