Apple's moronic new maps: this is turning into a disaster

I grew up in a stranger’s garden in a melting house. At least, that’s what Apple’s new Maps app tells me. Looking up my childhood home on the company’s new 3D navigation software, I discovered it had been moved a few hundred metres to the back garden of a building that looks like a Picasso painting. Distortions abound in the 3D mode. Good job, Apple!

Thanks to a combination of legal wrangling and expiring contracts, Google Maps, which has been sitting happily on the iPhone since 2007, is gone. Users who have upgraded to the iPhone’s latest operating system, iOS 6, have had Apple’s new moronic maps foisted on them. Google is yet to offer a standalone replacement, and while two million iPhone pre-orders in 24 hours is impressive, Apple could now be on a route to disaster.

As I wrote earlier this week, the smartphone market is not simply about comparing features lists, but how those specifications combine to create an overall experience. That is where Apple has won in the past, marketing devices that, in its own words, “just work”. This is why the poor Maps app is such a problem.

Previous iPhone controversies, most notably "antennagate" (which centred on signal problems that occurred when holding the iPhone 4 in a particular way), didn’t shake Apple’s confidence. That’s because consumers weren’t too sure of the technical details and the firm addressed the concerns head on.

The Maps disaster is quite different. Apple has stumbled into territory bearing the legend “here be monsters”, and its response so far has been pitiful. The company’s public statements continue to emphasis the new navigation option as just one of the great new features of iOS 6, rather than a major public embarrassment.

Apple is touting its new 3D mode and turn-by-turn navigation as stand out features. Unfortunately they are only available on the iPhone 4S and iPhone 5. For iPhone 3GS and iPhone 4 owners the new maps offer nothing.

It’s not just what Apple’s maps miss, it’s what they actively get wrong: Dublin Zoo has been dropped into the centre of the city, Nuremberg’s Palace of Justice has been transported hundreds of miles to Vienna, the Hoover Dam has melted and Sweden’s second largest city, Gothenburg, has disappeared entirely.

It’s funny to see these colossal cock ups recorded on the wonderfully sarcastic blog, The Amazing iOS 6 Maps, but there are serious consequences for Apple. The company is putting its reputation on the line and its statements so far deny it even has a problem. It told All Things D: “We appreciate all of the customer feedback and are working hard to make the customer experience even better.” Even better?!

Users who have come to trust the information they access via their iPhones are being seriously let down. The effect of the new maps ranges from the irritating – being directed to the wrong end of the street when on the way to a meeting – to the seriously inconvenient – finding the hospital they’re headed to doesn’t even exist in Apple’s magical melting map world.

The committed Apple fans will still line up today to get their hands on iPhone 5, but as the mockery of the terrible maps spreads, it could soon infect the company’s bottom line. Casual consumers tempted by Apple’s slick sales message and the iPhone 5’s sharp design will be put off by stories of navigation nightmares.

Samsung’s latest US adverts mock people who line up to buy the latest iPhone. If its ad agency is smart, the follow up will feature an Apple fan who can’t even find the store to complain about his phone. For Apple, which has prided itself on sweating over the small details, to force such a poor solution on its customers is offensive.

Google has not spoken publicly about its plans or otherwise for a standalone Google Maps for iPhone. In a statement yesterday it said: “We believe Google Maps are the most comprehensive, accurate and easy-to-use maps in the world. Our goal is to make Google Maps available to everyone who wants to use it, regardless of device, browser or operating system.”

It’s likely that Google will release a maps app for iOS. Recently released figures suggest it makes four times as much revenue from maps and search on iOS as it does from its own Android OS. However, it may be willing to take a temporary revenue hit and turn the screw. Apple won’t make a U-turn and beg Google Maps to come back, but it desperately needs to re-route its strategy or face iPhone sales hitting an unexpected dead end.