Ideal Parenting in Christian Perspective

by Rev. Fr. Dr. V.M. Abraham

I am here to remind you all, about the responses of the children of the
contemporary world, as I am well experienced in dealing with the School
going and College going children for a reasonable period of time. In St.
Luke 2:40 we read, “the child grew”.

The growth
has two impacts, out of which one is the bodily growth and the other is the
growth of the brain or wisdom. The mental growth is purely due to the Holy
Spirit. A human being needs the growth of the body and spirit in a good
proportion. If the balance between the growth of the body and spirit is
disturbed, the growth will not reach the desired dimension. If the growth is
taking place in one side only, the other side will perish. The sight of the
unhealthy children is the example of the growth without proportion. Their
physical body as a whole is not growing in proportion. When the head is
growing in extra size, the other parts of the body remain in lesser growth.
The total lives of such unhealthy children are hazardous.

A few years ago our young children were taken to Church by the grandparents. The
grandparents or parents used to hold the tiny finger of the
small child while going to church on Sundays. These days, parents are
holding the fingers of their young children and walk on roads in the morning
to send their wards to the School and again in the evenings to collect their
wards, from Monday to Saturday, without fail. But those parents/grand
parents are not seen on Sundays, holding the hands of their children/grandchildren
and leading them to the Church.

This is a dangerous trend.
The new generation is not guided to God and the worship, and, as a result,
their spiritual growth gets dull and void. We have to realize that God’s
wish and desire is that we all must be controlled by the Holy Spirit. The spirit
is supposed to control the mind and the body. But, in reality, now a days mind is
controlling the body. We all know what happened in the life of Lot’s
wife. While trying for the salvation, she was controlled by the mind, and
hence she became a victim of disobedience. She was interested in the mind
and body. We should not forget the truth that good reading will provide
an opportunity for the growth of wisdom. Due to the advancement of Science and
technology, we seldom get enough time to read good books or articles. We
waste a lot of time for watching TV and similar Media, which often provide us
entertainment for the mind and body. When one reads good stuff, the ideas
grasped would go to mind and would return back as noble actions. We often
forget to close our eye lids and keep on watching programs in TV etc one
after the other. The eye lids are meant to close against the views of
unpleasant scenes. Our children keep on changing channels and God alone
knows what they are searching with the remote control. They do not keep on
watching a program as their interest is to search wherever they could. It is
to be realized that they keep on searching scenes for emotional satisfaction.
This is dangerous for the spiritual growth.

St. John the Baptist lived his life in the desert, which is a place of
scarcity. The scarcity is a pre-condition of the spiritual growth and that
is why our forefathers have instituted certain restrictions with the Lents
and fasting. Some of our children brought up with spoon feeding might find
it difficult to withstand the ‘ragging’ in the professional colleges.
Recently one girl was asked to sing a song, by her seniors. When the
compulsion increased she ran away from there without the permission and
information of the College authorities. Parents must take care of granting
practical training in facing the life to their young ones. Let us create a
feeling of scarcity in every step of our lives.

Atmosphere is another need of the growth of the spirit, mind and body. Womb
of the mother is the first environment, which is much secure and safe for
the growth of the infant. St. Gregory of Nyssa advocated a triangular type
of relationship with the father, mother and the child of a family. In such a
condition, ‘love’ flows from one point to the other unceasingly. Now children
are watching the unrest and absence of peace among the parents. And the
parents try to get support of their children for the family issues. In such
conditions father might say the drawbacks of the mother to the children and
the mother might tell about the weaknesses of the father. In the competitive
attempt of the father and mother, the children accumulate hatred and unrest
in their tiny minds.

Parents must be particular to have their food together,
without TV. Parents and children must find time to share their daily
experiences while they are together on the dining table. Parents must listen
to their kids patiently and allow the children to communicate with the parents
with good faith and happiness.

Discipline is a must in the family but the
core rule of discipline must be love. Parents must try to avoid
authoritative mentality while dealing with issues of their kids. And it
must be replaced with a loving action. When the parents might say ‘no’ to
their kids, immediately the kids might ask back ‘why’. The parents will have
to explain why the need cannot be granted. The parents must be patient and
good enough to answer their kids in detail. If so, the parents could enjoy
more peace and happiness from their children.