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I met this guy, he is only 20 years old, (cute as a doll ) I am 53 years old, but I look in my early 30s.

We chat on the internet and agreed to have sex, and we did, it was wonderful ( safe sex) .He told me he is going to college, he has money for tuition, housing, food, and so on, that his family is well to do in his town. That he usually is not that easy, and he wouldn't do it again.He told me that he doesn't like to be bossed , just likes tenderness.He said he is looking for a boyfriend, and only nice people , well to do, educated and with money.

I explained him how to arrange things in the house, so when he came back , he would know his way arround , and he told me who says I am coming back, I don't like you to be deciding for me, I like to be surprised.

He told me that was the last time we would just have sex , as just sex, as he is looking for more.

I said OK, I would call him up next day, and planned on seeing him day after that so I would not get all over him, saturate him.

Next day I just called to say hello, and chat a bit, and we agree on seeing each other again next day.Next day, I went to see him , and we went to a casino, played a 25 dll , had drinks.After that we went to my place and I wanted to chat with him , and he told me that he was getting ready to go disco with his friends at 10 pm.So I thought , what are you meaning, are you implying that we just go and have sex and take you home?I thought you said you wanted dating and a relationship, and he told me WELL NO !Nothing has changed I am only here to fuck, the rules have not changed, he haven't talked about it, its just plain sex.So I said lets go and have sex before 10 pm, it was 8 pm, we have sex for 1hour and a half, finally he didint have more strength and couldn't get it up, an could not come, neither I.But we did fuck for 1 and a half hours.All the time we chatted he always tried to be better than me , I told him, I have live in so many countries ( 3 different countries ), and he would said, I have lived in Spain for 6 months, I would say, I have had different boyfriends, and he would say, I have had 7 lovers.And so on, always wanted to shine more than me, how can a brat 20 years old shine and know more than me , please, I thought this is a smart ass , stuck up brat, I cant stand him. I was eager to take him home, he wouldn't talk to me, and I didn't want to talk to him, he left the car, I said I will call you up. Thinking I wanted to have and end to to him.Next day i felt so free and happy in my home , enjoying my home, and being aloneBut today..........................I wonder what is he doing, who is he going out with, ...........Should I call him, , it can be consider a sign of weakness !I have had chances to go out with 2 or 3 other guys, all his age. But I don't want to, all I want to is go out with him and have sex with him.I find myself in a nasty situation as I have always like to be the one handling the relationship the one that says we do this , and we do that, and it is as it pleases me. I doint want it to be the other way around !Alarm bells sound in my ears, don't go out with him, you might fall in love with him, ( danger , danger )I have so many other things to handle than just a stuck up brat.

I told my nephew about it, ( Which is like a son to me ) he told me , use him just like a fuck body, just enjoy him, as you enjoy the others, and don't give a dam to it !That's what I need to do, just call him up and fuck , my mind tells me.But if I do , I will hurt me to hear if he is fucking with other people, , and he is the only one I like, What is going on ? Infatuation? , We have fuck twice for almost 3 and a half hours, I think by now, infatuation should be over ........I think I need to force myself to see others, maybe calll him up and 3 days, say hello and ask him if he wants to fuck , or would this be a bad idea ?He doesn't know my Aids status, and he doesn't need to know, there are no laws here telling me I have to tell him, besides I am having safe sex with him.

To me Aids is ( Thanks to my antidepressants ) a chronic condition , I take my medicine and forget about it.

Besides he is to young for me , i am not planing to go to discos and get drunk, that part to me is over......Any advice , I would appreciate it, .Roy.

Sorry to hear about your situation. You seem really worked up about things, which comes across in your words.

It sounds as though he is in a different place in his life, enjoying being single and partying. If you are looking for somebody to club with, then he sounds ideal, but that's not what you're looking for.

I certainly think you have strong feelings after 2 meetings, but I'm not sure that's love.

I would concentrate on coming to terms with your diagnosis and the depression you mention.

If I was in his shoes and you acted how you come across in this thread, I think he might be feeling you are a bit too much hard work and wouldn't want to get involved.

Relationships with a big age gap can work, but I think people have to want the same things and it sounds like he wants to play the field at the mo.

Sounds to me like you are rather naive; that thing called love takes way much longer to develop than two sexual encounters.

On a separate note, since you are disregarding hopeforacure's comment as irrelevant (not that I really care for discussions about disclosure; you do as you wish --just don't act all bent out of shape if one day your condom breaks during one of them fuck-a-thons), I am kinda surprised that you continue to meet with and have this much trust on people whom you meet on intrawebz sex-sites. Weren't you the very same one who not very long ago had his credit cards stolen by one of these tricks? I found it odd that you never replied to (nor followed up in any way) to all the people who responded to you in that thread.

At any rate. You are asking for advice on this current situation. There isn't really much to give other than telling that this cannot be love (you are 50something and he is 20; not much future in a relationship of that sort). You are an adult, you know what you're doing.

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"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Thanks to all your opinions.In regards to my credit cards been stolen , I have not finished that thread since my banks will reach a decision until February 15Th. That's when I will give the results of what happened on that occasion.

Yes, I am still naive, I tend to trust people. And bad things can happen. But I wont allow getting biter for that happening.Yes I do have a sexual life , that's part of me, and I do have the fortune to have people that want to go out with me, and as anyone else , I want to find love.

My way of thinking might sound illogical to some of you but to me is very consistent.Roy

You are infatuated with this young buck, it's not love. I'm surprised at your age that you do not know the difference.

If you do not recognize it for what it is infatuation can be a one way ticket to heart-ache. To him you may be just "the flavor of the week". Already there are red flags because you are in love after 2 dates and he wants to play the field.

I hope you get a handle on this and treat it as it is, which is something that can and will end at any moment.

Well, best of luck with the new boyfriend. Your responses speak volumes roy. Maybe you will find your true love one day, but I still dont think you are in love with this chap.

Perhaps you two can get together and spend some quality time (outside of the sack) to start getting to know each other. No judgement being passed, but if it were me, I would want him to know the real me.

Well I bet there are alot of us who at one time or another shaved a year or two off their age at one time or another, especially if it's just for a trick! But almost 20 years no way, what's your secret, nip and tucks, vitamins. I would love some anti-aging secrets!

I think any relationship that begins with lies is almost always doomed from the start.

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"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it." Nelson Mandela

From what you describe, I think you are in "lust" with this guy and there is nothing wrong with that, assuming the feelings are mutual. What I find perplexing, is your concept of a relationship. You mention wanting control in the relationship and doing what pleases you and frankly, you seem too egocentric to be ready for any kind of serious relationship. For me, a relationship involves committing to one person and mutually agreeing on what you want from each other and from yourself. It involves mutual respect, unwavering support and the development of a very special bond, just between the two of you, that makes a relationship so special. The foundation of a relationship is built upon unconditional love, trust and commitment and from that flows intimacy and passion.

Ultimately, any relationship worth having, takes an incredible amount of hard work, but the rewards are endless. Stephen and I love what we have built, but none of it would be possible without recognizing that we are equals in every way. We do not seek to change or control each other, because we understand how destructive that would be to "us". As trite as it sounds, the idea that there is no "you" or "me" when describing "us" says it all. It's not about control, it's about supporting each other, because as we each gain strength, so does our relationship.

On the matter of lying, I've broken up with someone who lied to me about 2 years before. It's not that I cared about the 2 years but the principle of being comfortable in lying about something. If you can lie about your age then you can (and will) lie about anything that suits you. Do you really want to be with someone who would not be with you because of your age? All you are doing is denying yourself an honest connection with another person. You may not care and that's your business, but in my experience you're just ruining the chances of anything more ever developing out of this.

You don't want advice -- you want validation. You ain't likely to get much of it here. You are too set in your ways, and you do not know the definition of "relationship" -- what you describe is a dictatorship.

Honestly, after reading through this and other posts of yours -- you should shave an additional 20 years off your age -- it will then approach the maturity level that you are displaying.

Listen I have no deep opinion on the viability of relationships between people of different ages.

I agree with others here that you should be honest with this young man about everything and see what he can deal with. Or not. Since you are already intrigued and infatuated and emotionally invested, you owe it to YOURSELF more than to him, actually, to see if you are investing in someone who can deal with who you really are. If he can't you are wasting your OWN time, (and his as well).

If you just want to deceive someone to get laid, fine, lie all you want. But that's all you'll get - laid. No human relationship. This is a guarantee. If you succeed in a relationship built on a nest of lies, WHEN the lies come to the surface (they will) the relationship is RUINED: Guarantee, man!

(By the way, I have NEVER met 50 year old who convincingly looks 30. 30 years olds look like 30 year olds. 20 year olds look their age. 50 year olds can be youthful, or ageless, but sorry they don't look like young men or young women. Do a side by side comparison, its clear as day. I so gently suggest you might be a bit deluded on this.)

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“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Specially to Carousel and to Wyllywump, who dealt with the issue and did not make judgments.To all the others , sorry, I did not want to cause so much controversy.

I am not hurting anyone, I am having safe sex, and I don't want to cause any harm to anyone.

If anybody would be hurt, it would be me according to what all the others told me.

I am not acting careless and wanting to cause anyone any harm, you can be sure of that.

To those that told me so bad things and criticize me so much I am sorry, some remarks have been cruel and uncalled for. Some are pure envy. My definition of a relationship might be different than yours, but it doesn't make me a better or worse person than all of you.But I don't act in a mean way. Truly.

Roy, yes, no one is blaming you, no one thinks you want to harm anyone. We don't have the young man in the forum to give him advice. We give the advice to you to be honest because that will protect you from hurt and wasted time.

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“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Alls I know is that if this were to turn into something more serious it would have zero chances of lasting beyond the point of true confessions. I can just picture it: "Uh, baby... I have something to tell you: I am actually 50whatever. Don't I look fabulous though? Oh, and I am HIV positive. Still wanna do the together forever thing?".

To quote a horrible 80's rock song you're headed for a heartbreak, Roy.

By the way, I am not judging you. I couldn't care less, really... Tons of poz queens do nasty little things without disclosing, even in geographic areas where disclosure is (supposedly) a legal requirement. I however think that you are a pretty fragile individual and this is not going to be a good thing for you. But, as I said before, you are an adult and thereby you can do as you wish.

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"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Okay, I want to see a pic of you Roy. I'm 35 and would like to see how much older I look than you. I hope I will look younger as I age. I know some heavy folks are able to look much younger due to not having wrinkles showing. If you like young guys and can get them, just go for it and don't expect much as far as a relationship. I suppose there are some younger guys who just like being with older guys, but it is usually for financial gain or to fill the void of not having an older male figure in their lives--usually a dad. But, there are probably many psychologically healthy 20 year-olds who just like older guys and don't have an agenda and aren't looking for a dad figure.

So, I say get all the sex while ya can. If they see it as just sex, then you'd have to accept that and not get all possessive.

Any woman would lie about her age, nobody would blame them, why blaming me?

This statement really irks me. I haven't lied about my age since I was underage - and then it was to add a few years, not subtract. I'm 48 and damn proud of it. It means I've survived all the crap that life has thrown at me for nearly a half-century and I still have a smile on my face. A bit of crow's feet around my eyes too, but that's from all the smiling I do. I wear my wrinkles and the odd grey hairs with pride.

I never lie about my hiv status either. In fact, last night some guy was hitting on me but I wasn't interested. He wouldn't go away so I played the hiv card hoping that would do the trick. It didn't. However, it lead to a discussion about his risk factors. He's never used a condom in his life. He's going to go get a full sexual health check-up this week at my urging. Disclosure can be educational.

Roy, if you really want a relationship, I suggest you be honest. Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy IMHO.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I never lie about my hiv status either. In fact, last night some guy was hitting on me but I wasn't interested. He wouldn't go away so I played the hiv card hoping that would do the trick. It didn't. However, it lead to a discussion about his risk factors. He's never used a condom in his life. He's going to go get a full sexual health check-up this week at my urging. Disclosure can be educational.

Roy, if you really want a relationship, I suggest you be honest. Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy IMHO.

He doesn't know my Aids status, and he doesn't need to know, there are no laws here telling me I have to tell him, besides I am having safe sex with him.

To me Aids is ( Thanks to my antidepressants ) a chronic condition , I take my medicine and forget about it.

I don't know how you can expect to build a relationship with someone, when you are not honest with them. If you were to pursue the relationship, sooner or later he would find out you are positive. How do you think he will react when finds out that you had sex without disclosing your HIV status?

Quote

I told him I am 39, he says , I dont look older that 32

Again, you are not being truthful, and again, I don't know how you can expect to build a relationship with someone when you are not truthful with them. I really don't understand why you would lie about your age. "Everyone does it" is not true, and even if it were, it's not a good reason to do so. Eventually, he'll find out.

In summary, I'd say you are infatuated with this guy, and that you are weaving a web of lies that will eventually drive him away from you.

Regards,

Henry

P.S. How about you post a photo of yourself, Roy? You've also claimed in other threads that you look much younger than you are.

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"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love." - Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Professional, wealthy 25 years old seeking good times. I'm 6'2", 180 lbs with a swimmers build, long blong hair, and gorgeous blue eyes. Seeks someone who drinks too much and is delusional.

Wolf, please be sure to add "HIV and drug free, UB2"

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"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

This statement really irks me. I haven't lied about my age since I was underage - and then it was to add a few years, not subtract. I'm 48 and damn proud of it. It means I've survived all the crap that life has thrown at me for nearly a half-century and I still have a smile on my face. A bit of crow's feet around my eyes too, but that's from all the smiling I do. I wear my wrinkles and the odd grey hairs with pride.

Well Ann, I always say -- getting older sure beats the alternative!!

I'll be 47 on the 15th -- with my bald head, I'd never pass for 30 something, but at least now I know I'm younger than you..

I'll take a lie about cock size before an advertised top who is a bottom at heart!!!

Hallelu!

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"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

As long as you don't lie about your cock size you'll get absolutely no judgements from Miss P.

Now, this has to be the top lie on the internets. 2nd is probably "very athletic and muscular". 3rd is probably "I've never done bottom, but I want to try--only big cocks reply". I would think if it was the first time, they'd want to start out with a smaller one. 4th is probably "I just had an HIV/STD test and all negative". They very well may be neg, but I've never seen so many people who get 3 month HIV tests as on the hook-up sites. If that is true, then HIV prevention/awareness education is working.

As long as you don't lie about your cock size you'll get absolutely no judgements from Miss P.

Don't know about you guys, but I find that men who are on the small side lie and say they've got a whopper. Men who are huge lie and say they're small. (My bf does the latter quite often and honey, he's no tiddler.) What's a girl to think?

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Don't know about you guys, but I find that men who are on the small side lie and say they've got a whopper. Men who are huge lie and say they're small. (My bf does the latter quite often and honey, he's no tiddler.) What's a girl to think?

In my "limited" experience in this area, I really believe size isn't that important, all that matters is knowing how to use use your cock. One of my all time favorite occasional hook ups is on the small size but boy do we have fun, or at least I do! (I mean it truly is all about me!!!)

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"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it." Nelson Mandela

In my "limited" experience in this area, I really believe size isn't that important, all that matters is knowing how to use use your cock. One of my all time favorite occasional hook ups is on the small size but boy do we have fun, or at least I do! (I mean it truly is all about me!!!)

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Just to put a closure note to this thread, I will say, that I am following WillyWump"s advice, going very careful, and trying just to be a friend to this guy.

I will stop posting threads about my personal life, I made that mistake, as this thread became a massive lynch for me.

I do appreciate those posts that did try to help, one can see them.

But there were plenty of vicious attacks against me, even the so criticized bullying, as if I were filth.Those who did it,they know it very well, I don't have nothing in common with them. Neither I care a bit about what they said , my skin has grown thicker with this.

Again, I will only post in the Aids forums, and will not ever talk about my personal life.Again thanks to those that gave advice that came from a good heart, and to the bully's , they are the ones that deserve help.Greetings

Just to put a closure note to this thread, I will say, that I am following WillyWump advice, going very careful, and trying just to be a friend of this guy.

I will stop posting threads about my personal life, I made that mistake, as this thread became a massive lynch for me.

I do appreciate those posts that did try to help, one can see them.

But there were plenty of vicious attacks against me, even the so criticized bullying, as if I were filth.Those who did it, know it very well, I don't have nothing in common with them. Neither care a bit, my skin has growing thicker with this.

Again, I will only post in the Aids forum, and will not ever talk about my personal life.Again thanks to thosethat gave advice that came from a good heart, and to the bully's , they are the ones to deserve help.Greetings

I can understand how this made you feel, but you must understand you're free to post and people are free to respond. Sometimes it ain't pretty. I do think you were honest in your postings to the forums, but I figured you would get a pretty good bashing about it. I actually think you were very honest to us. Sorry it made you feel bad, but I hope it gives you something to think about. There's quite a few people who live in glass houses around here so I wouldn't let it bother me. Good luck to you.