What the Cuss?

My Thoughts on the #CucumberChallenge

Another week, another group of black women publicly broadcasting themselves in the basest, poorest, worst of lights.

Apparently there’s this thing going around called the cucumber challenge and of course some black women jumped at the chance to participate.

If you didn’t watch the video above (from the 0:00 to 0:32 mark), it features several black women slurping and sucking on cucumbers and eggplants, in what looks like a club, recorded and uploaded for all to see. The rest of the video features another black woman doing a more useful, reasonable cucumber challenge of her own.

Some women performed their acts in supermarkets, on vegetables that haven’t even been purchased yet.

Oh, and with this one, one of the trio of women featured exposed her bare breasts and played with her nipples, in Wal-Mart, while the other two twerked in the produce aisle. Bonus, another one of these women was wearing a pair of shorts with the tag still on, and the male in the video asked if she stole the shorts before the video cut off. Winners all around.

I think at this point black women must enjoy being thought of as stereotypes. In one corner, black women complain about being called bitches and hoes and how the media is portraying us negatively and it makes us look bad, and in the other corner, others allow themselves to be recorded in hypersexual, pornographic displays. Thankfully people on Twitter seem to be of a similar mindset to me, stating that this whole thing is degrading and undignified, so at least there’s that.

Black women are judged as a collective. That’s why we claim the wins as fervently as we do (like the recent news that Halle Bailey being cast as Ariel in the latest Disney remake, or when black female high school graduates net millions in scholarship money, or other positive news-making achievements). That is also why these displays do us such a disservice – because we don’t get the luxury of saying “that’s not all black women, just those women are trash”. The promotion of women in these types of scenarios far outnumbers the delicate, dainty black women who do not identify with this public debauchery.

Women who are in staunch opposition to these exhibitions can distance ourselves from the women put themselves out there in this way, but the actions of the part unfortunately still affects the whole. It adds a perverse credence to the belief that black women are easy, Jezebel-spirited whores only good for a pump and dump.

Do people not think beyond social media clicks anymore? Is no one concerned about the potential damage this could do to reputations? Like I said, we’re judged as a collective by the world at large, and oftentimes through a stricter lens on top of that. What if someone’s employer caught wind of the goings-on in the videos and fired them for inappropriate conduct that could come back to the company somehow? People are getting fired in increasing numbers due to what is on social media, and with the number of views on Facebook inching (pun intended) ever closer to 3 million, and shared over 40,000 times, I’m sure their faces are being recognized. All that for some internet clout and for the attention of some dusty dudes? Why? To get picked? And if you do get picked, then what?

What was the purpose of such a show? Sure, the talents being advertised will certainly get a man’s attention, but is that really the attention you want? Must they have cheapened themselves to mere veggie-knob-slobbering-simulated fellatio to advertise their skills?

Am I slut shaming? No. (Safely) suck all the dicks you want, whether it is produce or on a person, until your jaw goes numb, as long as you consent to it and don’t get pregnant out of season if things progress from third base. In fact, if climax is achieved, gargle the ejaculate if you so choose. You can be the Dr. Seuss of Dongs – Pink dick, black dick, thick dick, wack dick. That’s not what I have a problem with. But why does the Blowjob Tryouts have to be done in front of an audience? Noting that this behavior is just so low vibrational and undignified is not slut shaming. I long for the days where you could respectfully criticize something without getting called phobic or accused of shaming somebody.

Maybe instead of giving cucumber blowjobs we can have an “Eat the fucking cucumber” challenge instead (I dropped an F-bomb in there to make it kinky, see?) and go vegan for a month or 6 and start shedding the excess weight over half of the population of black women are carrying around. That’s a cucumber challenge I can get behind.

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