Here we use only sustainable, organic and gluten-free seasonal jokes. Comedy, satire, sports, editor and occasional cooking tips writer, Alex Kaseberg. E-mail to - or if you need to hire a comedy writer - alex.kaseberg@gmail.com

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

They are going to build a vagina museum. Bill Clinton is going to cut the ceremonial hymen.

****

The meeting in Russia between Sec. of State Rex Tillerson and Vladimir Putin was tense. It is so tense, Tillerson may have to have Kendall Jenner offer Putin a Pepsi.

Putin would pretend to sneeze and then say, “Ahh Pee-Pee Video.”

****

Melania Trump received $2.9 mil. in damages from “The Daily Mail” for accusing her of being a prostitute. The judge also denied “The Daily Mail” request that they slip the check into Melania’s garter belt.

****

Astronomers believe they have found a second red spot on Jupiter. As a result, they are strongly recommending Jupiter see a dermatologist.

****

Excerpts from a book called “Shattered: Inside Hillary’s Doomed Campaign,” reveal there was ugly in-fighting. Mostly directed from Bill and Hillary at the staff. It was the first time Bill chewed-out more asses than he chased.

*****

Dr. Ben Carson got stuck in an elevator during a Miami housing tour. There was an embarrassing moment when the fireman had to yell to the brain surgeon, “You have to push one of the buttons, doctor.”

****

At the Dallas Mavericks warmup, former Dallas QB, Tony Romo, sank some impressive shots. But then at the end Romo threw an interception, hurt his back and Dallas lost the warmup.

*****

After a few days, Russian president, Vladimir Putin, finally met with Sec. of State Rex Tillerson. It did not help that when Rex grew impatient, Putin told him to keep his shirt on.

****

I was out of touch. What is this I hear about Sean Spicer getting kicked off a United flight for comparing Hitler to Assad and then Kendall Jenner gives him a Pepsi?

*****

Excerpts from a book called “Shattered: Inside Hillary’s Doomed Campaign,” reveal there was ugly in-fighting mostly from Bill and Hillary directed at the staff. The same people shocked by this were shocked by Barry Manilow announcing he is gay.

Since you asked:

This latest Russian-US squabble has none of the historic gravitas of international titans, Kennedy-Khrushchev. It seems more like a power struggle between cocky two frat boys. Trump is the doughy rich kid who buys his friends and Putin is the scary jock from the other side of the tracks.

If there was an actual physical confrontation, Trump would wet his pants.