Subscribe

SOCIETY PAGES

The society pages in the newspapers and magazines are one of my favorite sections, and I actually think they’re funnier than the comic strips. I particularly like it when they report on a big ball or some innocuous charity gala of some kind. There is normally a lot of pictures taken at such events where you see people trying to act and pose like movie stars, but actually look a lot worse for wear. I don’t know why people find it important to have their names and faces in the society pages, probably to feed some starving egos, but this nonsense has been going on for a long time now.

In the photos, I’ve noticed the women generally look better than the men, but that’s not too hard to do in this age of the grunge look. The women are well coiffed the best they can, but underneath the umpteen layers of makeup are still some pretty nasty looking three-baggers. It’s really scary when you consider this is the best they are ever going to look. It gives me the willies imagining what they look like first thing in the morning. Ugh!!

Then there are the simple announcements in the paper telling us such things as, “Josephine just returned home from a trip to the south of Timbuktu.” I don’t know what all of the hubbub is about, after all, only the rich and famous go to northern Timbuktu, the rest are considered riffraff from the other side of the tracks.

Wedding anniversary announcements are nice and represent significant milestones in our lives, but there ought to be a law that only silver, golden, or diamond anniversaries be reported, not paper, wood, tin, or any other such nonsense.

Wedding announcements are good for trumpeting news about nuptials, but there should only be a basic line item describing the event, kind of like birth announcements. I’m really not interested in who the caterer was or who attended an event I wasn’t invited to. Actually, I would be more interested in the juicy details of a good divorce, but we tend to sweep such news under the carpet. However, I can visualize something like, “Smith-Jones Divorced on grounds of mental cruelty and sexual incompatibility. Neighbors claimed she didn’t like his friends and he couldn’t stand her parents. He was a dropout from salon school and she received a dishonorable discharge from the Marines. Their four children will be placed in Foster homes until the parents return from the Betty Ford Clinic.”

At least with a divorce, we would really have something to talk about.

Bottom-line, who are we trying to impress by the society pages? Surely, we are not being so childish as to try and make others jealous are we? Actually, I believe the society pages were created only to feed our vanity and try to jockey for position in society. Just remember, no matter how good you think you’ve got it, there is undoubtedly someone out there who can do you one better. As for me, I couldn’t care less.

Such is my Pet Peeve of the Week.

Keep the Faith!

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.