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Wednesday, January 20, 2010

In Which I am the Bearer of Very Bad News

First of all, a great big HI to all of my new readers. I love you.

Okay, that was an exaggeration. I don't really know you. But I already like you very, very much, and fully anticipate loving you.

And so today, in honor of breaking 400 followers (clean in half! Each and every one of them BROKEN from reading my blog too much!), I am going to depress you out of your minds. If that isn't enough to keep you reading, I don't know what is!

(Except if you aren't a writer, this won't be even mildly depressing for you. So, non-writer-readers, your job is to lurk in the comments and offer kleenexes or, in very bad cases, Dr Pepper and chocolate. And if any of you are licensed doctors or psychiatrists, well, feel free to prescribe some mild virtual pick-me-ups. Heaven knows we'll need them.)

Ready? Okay. Most aspiring writers can't think much past getting an agent. That's the goal. That's the finish line. Once you have an agent, things are easier. And really, getting an agent is awesome. Freaking awesome. Like, wow, incredibly awesome. So awesome the word awesome will begin to lose its meaning it will be so awesomely awesome in your life. But here's where things get tricky.

I'm going to let you in on a secret, one that agented writers can't admit publicly for fear of shooting themselves in the foot, and one that writers with book deals don't talk about because we've completely blocked it out of our minds due to severe psychological trauma. It's this:

Being on submission sucks.

Sucks, sucks, sucks sucks sucks sucks SUCKS.

It bears repeating one more time, I think.

SUCKS.

(Being on submission, or going out on sub, for the uninitiated, is when your very talented and incredibly brilliant agent takes your manuscript from your trembling hands and sends it on its merry, hopeful way to editors. All agents go about this differently, but the end goal is for one or more editors to offer to buy it.)

I'm uniquely qualified to talk about this because I went on submission not once, but twice. And one of those times was a spectacular failure. But that's wrong, really, because it makes it sound exciting. No, one of those times was a soul-sucking, grind-you-down-until-you-can't-remember-why-you-ever-thought-you-were-a-decent-writer-in-the-first-place, oh-please-for-the-love-of-any-remaining-sanity-let's-just-forget-the-whole-thing failure.

But that's not the whole picture. That first day, when you know your precious book baby is going out to editors at houses you've only dreamed of, you get this giddy, fluttery, oh my goodness this could actually happen feeling. You're high on it. It's real. An editor could be reading it RIGHT NOW. And it's going to sell! And you'll be an author! Finally, finally, validation for all of that time you spent acting like a crazy person!

That feelings lasts approximately 1.4 days.

So it's a good thing that writers as a whole are very calm, rational people. It's not like writers are emotional, introverted people, who channel their thoughts and feelings into creative outlets which are then read and judged by other people. It's not like we're already perhaps a bit odd, living in our own heads as much or more than we live outside of them, spinning out fantasies and stories and becoming so attached to them we make ourselves cry when we read the last lines. (Not that I, uh, did that today or anything.)

No, it's a good thing writers are sane.

Otherwise after that first day you'd start panicking. Checking your email obsessively. Google stalking any editors you know have your stuff. Wondering how long, exactly, it would take to read, assuming an editor started reading right away. But that's okay. It hasn't been long yet.

And then a week goes by. You've heard of book deals happening in a week. And rationally you understand the process, that even if an editor likes it he or she can't usually make an instant offer, but rather has to pass it off to others to read, present it at an editorial meeting, get more people on the "buy the book!" bandwagon.

But let's face it. Rationality went out the door the minute you decided to pursue publication. If you were rational you'd have a sane hobby, like knitting. Or an aspiration that wasn't entirely dependent on other people, like getting a Master's Degree, or becoming the world's best Arnold Schwarzenegger Impressionist. Or even just learning how to spell Schwarzenegger. But you chose writing, so rationality is not a factor here.

And when, like in my case, you get rejections, it hurts. It physically hurts to have an editor vaguely point out flaws, or pass based on something unalterable about the book, or like it but just not love it. And what hurts even more is the terror that every other editor will feel the same--mediocre, meh, fine but not for them. And what hurts even more is the hope that maybe one will still love it.

After four months of this, you are so worn down you question why you started writing in the first place. You question why you want to be published so badly. You worry that your agent will feel the same way--disappointed and questioning your talent. And if, at the end of those four months, you and your agent decide to pull the submission, you wonder why it didn't happen.

Because it should have. Right?

Now, this submission story was unique to me. And, granted, the soul-sucking aspects were compounded by infertility issues. It was like the Universe was kicking me every. single. month. And the Universe wears big, nasty, steel-toed boots with "REJECTED" stamped across the sole.

So here's my advice. And this is where it gets happier, I promise! Expect submissions to be hard. Expect to be something of an emotional wreck. But expect to succeed. And work toward this success by being smart about things. What should you do while you're on submission?

Write.

Write another book. Work on something you already had written. Get better. Have a backup plan. Because if your submission goes great and you do sell, YAY! Yay, yay, yay! Now you have an option book already in the works, which will save you stress down the line.

And if your submission fizzles for whatever reason (in my case the protags were just a little too old for YA), you have another project ready to polish and send to your agent. Because if your agent is anything like mine, and I sincerely hope she or he is, then you are still in good shape. Whatever they saw in your writing will still be there, and, regardless of how many editors passed, you still have an industry professional on your side, a partner. You aren't starting from scratch.

Going on submission that second time was terrifying. I had nightmares of repeating the same process all over again. I felt sick just thinking about it. But guess what? Within two weeks we were hearing good things--exciting things--holy crap stuff is actually happening and wait a second, submissions can be thrilling-if-still-kinda-stressful! things. And within three weeks I'd sold in a pre-empt to an incredible editor at my dream house.

So, submissions? SUCK. But what submissions get you? Beyond amazing. I don't want to discourage anyone. I just want to be honest, and let you know that submissions are hard. Even if you sell quickly without a single rejection, it's still stressful. Please find supportive writer friends who are crazy, too, and will understand what you are going through. (Carrie Harris will always be my submissions sister.) Write the best possible book you can, and then let it go. In the end, your book will sell or it won't, and there's nothing you can do about it. Which is both the hardest and the most comforting thing of all.

I hope that you find your dream agent, that you never experience a failed submission, that you and your dream editor match up painlessly and immediately. But, just in case, I'll leave you with this sage advice: If at first you don't succeed, do everything you can not to have a nervous breakdown, polish another book, send that one out, and get a dream-come-true three-book-deal.

Kind of a side note: I thought I read somewhere recently that a few publishers are opening older YA lines (books that are actually for young adults, not teenagers). Have you and/or your agent heard about this, and would you want to resubmit Flash?

Thanks for this. I'm no where near that point yet, but knowing how I am, I will probably be an emotional wreck when the time comes. Reading this helps me realize that all writers go through it at some point and that we truly aren't alone when it happens, even if we feel like it.

Excellent advice Kiersten! Going out on submission was THE most stressful thing in the whole process. Checking for emails every three seconds, trying (and failing)not to get hopes up, thinking about it every second of the day. Urgh. Makes me feel vaguely nauseous even now.

Really good stuff to know, Kiersten. As I haven't even finished my first book, I try not to look too far down the road of this process. Haha, you're right, at this point getting an agent seems like such an insurmountable task! But it's so good to be prepared and pick up on these tips (I had no idea what being n submission meant).

Sidenote, the point where your book was out on sub and you were having infertility issues sounds like a really hard time and I'm glad you've lived through it for happier times! You're a tough little writer lady.

Thank you for your heart warming advice! I am just starting to pursue this journey and your descrptions of being an emotional wreck made my day. I am still finishing my first draft and this story is my baby. So thank you for making me feel --should I say--sane. Take care.

Definitely definitely not meant to be discouraging--but I hadn't heard from ANYONE how rough submissions were, and every single author I know who has gone through them has really stressed out. Even the ones who sell in two weeks on their very first sub. I just think it's important that writers know.

But--BUT--surely all of your books will sell immediately with no stress : ) So Renee, please no more head slamming.

We all knew this was a long, hard road when we started, right? But we are AWESOME, and so we don't give up!

Whoo, I brought you a box of tissues. But after all that you have shown to all of us that you hold within yourself a very important characteristic, dedication. You stick your chin up and keep pushing. You'll get it.

Oh, bless you. Seriously, thanks for being so honest. My book's been on submission for a few weeks now, and it is really stressful. I'm trying not to be too neurotic and to distract myself with new writing, but it is really stressful, so...well. Chocolate helps!

Well... Thanks. It's good to hear it. Even though it's hard to even think about that process, and that after getting an agent, things aren't over, that they're still hard. But that you just keep pressing forward until something works out. :)

It's exactly how you say! Every word of it! I love that first day of submissions, when there's so much unsullied opportunity and this could be the time when everyone says yes and fights over my book like I hear happens to other people... And then the rejections start flowing it and I realize it's not that time, though someone could still want it, and that would still be awesomely awesome.

I have felt like an utter, complete and total disappointment both to myself and to my agent one moment, and then a few weeks later (which is publishing time for "a moment") gotten good news that made me feel like a winner and someone not disappointing at all. Was I actually a disappointment before that? I don't know--possibly only in my head--but there's always such a thin line between success and failure, and you feel that the most during submissions time.

I've marked in my calendar each week that passes while my work's out there on submission. I keep telling myself "three weeks to three months," like this mantra will bring in the responses.

I will say the great thing about submitting with an agent (as opposed to going it along) is each rejection comes back with "agent padding" -- kind words to encourage in the midst of the disappointment. It helps.

I must fall squarely in the crazy writer category. In a strange sort of way, this post is inspiring. While I am completely convinced that the road I've started is a long, hard, and often depressing one, I just keep getting more excited about it. Rejections? Bring it on! (Just be nice about it so that my husband doesn't have to pick me up off the floor too many times.)

How funny - it's been exactly 1.4 days for me. And no, I'm not kidding.

And because I've been through this before, I'm working on a new project. One that is challenging me and pushing me. Because challenges need brain power, and we all know the more engaged the brain is while on submission, the better!

LOL. I retweeted this, but then ran out the door before I could tell you in a post how awesome this was. You captured my personality as a writer so perfectly than it's like you're future me--hopefully.

I'm glad you made it through some of this publishing gauntlet. You're a fantastic writer.

Thanks for the post. I have a friend who's ahead of me in the writing game, so I already kind of knew that the road after agent could get bumpier not smoother. Still, it's possible to have that happy ending. If we don't quit!

I think this was the most encouraging part of me. The icy claw in my stomach thinking about the submission process had more to do with "will my agent divorce me if my first book doesn't sell???" than anything else.

You are so right that whatever they saw in our writing will still be there :). Thank you for shining that ray of hope!

This just seems like a good old dose of reality. I imagine even after you get published there are tough times. Bad reviews, angry readers, waiting for movie deals. I think in any industry where you put out your very personal work for public review and critique it's gonna hurt sometimes.

Keep your chin up because in the end, the only thing you can control is yourself and how you treat others. So look at each failure as a wisdom-gaining experience that will make the next book you write ultra-awesome.

I just wanted to say thank you. This post was exactly what I needed to read today, and believe it or not, it made me feel far from depressed. In fact, reading what you went through emotionally before landing an amazing three book deal is very helpful. Incidentally, you are hilarious and could probably make most depressing things sound quite funny and doable. Maybe a self help book for writers could be in your future? :)

I don't think this is bad news at all--just a good dose of reality, which we all need to hear from time to time, especially us aspiring writers! So I really THANK YOU for laying it on the line like this, because you're right, it's not something that's generaly talked about. And guess what? I STILL want to do it! THANKS FOR PREPARING US! :)

Ugh. You're right of course. it seems the world is all pragmatic now. Like, "Follow your dreams!!...But you know, they probably won't happen. But still!" Or maybe that's just how it feels.But you've inspired me. I'm going to go figure out how exactly to write that novel that's been churning in the back of my head recently. Thank you.-Jamie

Wow. You pretty much nailed my last 3 months. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who finds the submission process somewhat soul crushing. The worst part for me is the waiting. I've gone from thinking "we should hear from almost everyone in 3-6 weeks," to "publishing shuts down in December", which gave way to "editors are trying to catch up in January." Please just tell me SOMETHING!!! Most days I don't even care if it's a rejection.

Wow, it feels good to be able to write that. This was a truly excellent post Kiersten.

I'm sobbing onto my keyboard as I write this. I feel like you're telling my story. In Ireland you can still submit directly to editors. In June I submitted 6 chapters and synopsis to a publisher. In August I got a request for the full ms, including a comment from the editor saying she really liked it.Cue euphoria and confetti throwing. I asked around and was told that most editors take 8-10 weeks to get back after submitting a full ms. So, after 10 weeks I emailed the editor (I'd met her before so I could do that)She said she'd get back to me shortly.In the meantime I get rejected by 2 agents and my poor little story gets shredding up so much in a workshop that I'm totally terrified and decided I can't write.Its now almost 5 months since I sent it in. However, I've been told by an author that this particular publishers take about 6-8 months to get back to authors, and the longer they take the better. And she was very nice in her email. So, by March I should know (cue panic attack). I've been trying to keep busy since. I've revised my novel and am entering as many short stories as I can. I've also sold two short stories. So someone thinks I'm good. I think if my book gets rejected again though I'll just have a big bonfire and cry in a corner.Good luck with yoursAx

Kiersten, thanks so much for sharing your experience. :) I am just getting started. I have always wanted to write, love, love, LOVE to write, but happen to work full time and have two small children and every excuse in the world not to have time. :) BUT... my New Year's Resolution this year is to WRITE THE BOOK. (I'm ok with it taking more than a year, lol, but I am pushing myself to put the fingers to the keys). I decided to blog the journey from complete newb who reads way too many author blogs to someone who fights the good fight and gets in the ring myself. I'm hoping to share the ups and downs and love that you have offered some of yours. Thanks for offering hope to those of us just starting the climb! <3

Hi. I went a-querying (which sounds much more square dancish than it was) to no avail. So I dusted off my whiny self and started a new project. It's almost finished. And by finished I mean, ready to revise drastically.

Looking for an agent blew. There are TONS of good ones, that is not my problem. My problems ranged from lack-of-plot-action to extreme-terror-of-rejection. Every time I put a stamp on an envelope or hit on a query, I thought, with hushed desperation, Like me! Like me, pleeeeaaase!

Whether or not they'd like me personally if we met at, say, the grocery store, they were not loving Novel the First (aka That Which is 6 Zillion Words Too Long).

If I actually get an agent, I will be so far beyond delighted that i hope that euphoria will help to blunt the trauma of submission!

You're so right. Very rarely do I ever read anything from anyone during the submission process. I'm not even close to that point yet but when I get there I now know I'll need to lay in a full stock of xanax, chocolate, tissues and possibly send the hubs into a "spouse of an aspiring author" witness protection type program. You know, just in case the chocolate and the xanax don't work so well. :)

I'm new to the industry (even though I am 54) completed my nonfiction work - sent out 10 queries, my dream agent asked for a full in 2 days -- that was 3-1/2 months ago. Since then, 30 more queries, no more bites. So I re-wrote my query letter, but still have hopes of the first agent offering me representation.

Somewhere along the line, someone told me to start another project, and another told me that you're not ready to be published until you have three novels languishing in a drawer. So I have two novels in the works and a nonfiction in an agent's hands.

Michael--I don't think there are any hard and fast "rules" to how many books you need to write before you are "good enough." Just keep writing and getting better and doing what you're already doing : ) Good luck!

Mark--Fortunately I'm at the point where I can still pretend like that part is going to be AMAZING and EASY, and every single review will be populated by rainbows and hearts, my readers incapable of expressing just how much they love my book, which they will all buy twelve copies of, and tell everyone they know to buy twelve copies of, so on and so forth.

I should feel disheartened, but I don't. I love reality. I mean, I do wallow in happy-sappy pink and golden dreams but I like to be (gently) slapped across the face (maybe with chocolate) and told to get a grip.

See, I do want this. More than anything. Really, I've wanted to be a writer for much longer than I wanted children or, you know, a decent haircut. And I'm done letting it be a dream -- and I'm done letting it be something scary and unattainable.

So it's hard. It's tough. It's emotionally demanding. It means being all sorts of unpink and golden things like dogged and determined and even teeth-gritting and end-of-rope clinging.

I wish the internet had been around when I first wrote One Apple Tasted so I could have taken your advice. I landed an agent so fast I was gasping. Then the rejections started. After six months I curled back up in my shell. I did not write enough of another book. I just gave up on the whole thing. Finally the book was published 15 yrs later without an agent. Now looking for one. Writing the next novel. etc. Nice post.

So glad I saw someone's Tweet about this post on Twitter. This touched on my current situation so much. This part of the process IS hard to write about. You don't want to come off as someone who complains, yet you also want to be honest about how very difficult it is being out on sub after getting an agent.

And that hopeful anticipation mixed w/the sick terror that takes hold when book number two goes out? Intense.

The only way to deal with it is to keep the hope alive and to keep writing. :)

Okay, first... your "depressing" posts still make me laugh. You have a gift, Kiersten. (Which only ups my excitement to read Paranormalcy this year...) And, second, THANK YOU... I never know what awaits me on this writing/publishing journey until I get there. Part of that is fun and exciting and everything I want the adventure of my life to be about... the other part of it makes me want to stay in the dark hole of my bedroom some days and cease to exist. (Dramatic, I know. Not that you understand DRAMATIC or anything... *sarcastic*) Seriously, though, it's SO therapeutic to get an inside peak at those who have gone before me in these areas...

Keep writing, Kiersten - both stories AND psychotic blogs that keep me reading only because you promise to bear bad news. LOL. ;)

Kiersten, this was a wonderfully insightful blog. I am very new to this "writer thang" and am still in the process of trying to figure it out. So I am not anywhere near the point of trying to find an agent let alone making the attempt to publish. Trying to tie cohesive thoughts together enough to make a short is enough of a challenge at the moment - my stories jump around so much I'm thinking of entering them into a Gymnastict Competition!

Meanwhile, I have electronically "befriended" many authors and writers who have created Blogs and pages to journal their journey through the wonders of publishing. I cannot find the words to convey how much enjoyment I get from reading and sharing the ups and downs of these brave, humourous and sometimes a little cracked individuals.

The writers I follow are incredibly talented with weaving words into a many faceted tapestry of opinion and reality.

Stay strong authors of the future!!! Your time will come. Your reading public awaits!

I'm so glad this was helpful, guys. And I'm all about the Happy Ending, too.

Janet--Thanks! I never breathed a word of this to Agent Michelle while I was on sub. All authors want our agents to think we are absolutely cool, calm, and professional. That's the glory of the internet--you never even know we're answering all of your emails from under our covers!

Thank you so much for sharing this.I'm so glad you stuck it through. I can not wait to read your book. (It's a part of my 2010 debut challenge!)

As an aspiring writer, this post meant a lot to me. I have great respect for people who can endure so much and still pull through. I can only imagine what that rejection feels like. I mean, I get all emotional when someone even looks disinterested in what I'm writing about!(I'm irritatingly sensistive)

There are many times I question my resilience. If I can really go through all that and still want to keep at it. Your post gives me hope.

Who ARE these people that get their book sold to a publisher in a week?I remember back when I first learned that it could take a year or more for an agent to sell your first novel. That is when I realized that getting an agent was just the beginning.And the next scary part: To see if the book actually sells...shudder.We writers ARE crazy :)

Ah, you made me tear up! I'm right there, been on submission since November and am just about going out of my mind. This is my second book to have gone on submission and the first one didn't survive the journey. It's twice as stressful the second go around because that fear is applified by a prior failure. Thank you for the inpsiration and the reminder that I'm not alone in this journey!

Thank you so much for your honesty- it really helps to hear these stories because otherwise all we know is that you got a big 3 book deal in 3 weeks! Lol. Since you often hear more about the good side of submissions, it's nice to hear about the other side- I'm saving this and when I eventually go out on submission I will probably read it daily! Lol

Part of it is I have stalwart authors who haven't ever really told me they're under the duvet with calendar and a bottle of scotch.

I always considered myself the least neurotic person in the world until the first time you sent my book out. Then I found out I'm a completely insane bundle of nerves. I check my email more in one week now than I ever did before 2006.

You never wondered why we have these specially-made holsters on our pants that are sized for whiskey bottles? Except Jeff, but that's because of the whole no-pants thing.

This is an amazing post! One minute my heart is rapidly beating with OMG, this is scary and the next minute my lips are curling into a smile and I'm trying to suppress a giggle. (I'm at the day job)

I'm in the finding an agent process and waiting to hear from those request is hard. I really hadn't thought about how hard it will be when I have an agent sending out my baby. Thanks for the candid truth, with a touch of humor. :)

Kiersten,I am so glad I ran into this blog from a link on Twitter. You had me laughing out loud several times reading your post about submissions. Thanks for sharing with such humor about your own experience and be such an encouragement at the same time.

Great blog about the journey. We're all with you on this one. The first time I found a publisher it was a thrill. They saw me through the second book too. The third book (co-written with Nancy Naigle) is out seeking an agent and the adrenaline is pumping. There's nothing like being a writer! Phyllis Johnson a.k.a. Cara Preston

I appreciate the confirmation. Everybody always makes such a big deal when they get an agent and of course it is, but It's always been in the recesses of my mind: They still have to get someone to buy the book, yes?

This is the part I've never heard anyone talk about until now. Thanks for the reality check.

Just starting querying agents on my first novel. I have a few rejections and am now realizing how hard getting an agent is...it's amazing how many gray hairs a thirty year old can get from the querying process. If I ever get to submission, I'm sure I will be completely white-headed! Thanks for the post!!!

Hi Kiersten :)Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt post. Thank you for sharing insight into the sub process & the author's POV on it. I love the comments on this post too. Thank you also for the advice at the end!All the best,RKCharron

Couldn't agree more and I too an uniquely qualified having been on submission four times before getting a sale! Oh man, did all those rejections hurt. But when the deal finally happens, it's all worth it!

Oh, Kiersten, you wily one. I've been lurking here for a while, not really following because I don't want to be following so many blogs I can't actually read them all. And then you write this post - on my birthday, no less - and I finally have to give in and follow you:)

I know this is an older post, but I found it searching about the submission crazies. This helped so much, so I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you so much for writing this post. It seems like there is SO much info to read when you're querying and almost NOTHING about being on sub, so it feels lonely. This helped me to keep sane!