When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.

The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.

Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.