Too Many Women, Too Little Time

Dave is a financial services employee in New York. Dave goes on Match.com, writes to women, and sometimes goes on dates with them. To keep track of everyone, he puts their information into an Excel spreadsheet.

There’s nothing wrong or even unusual about this. Since I’m a technological idiot, I used to use Post-It notes by my phone. I once even came up with an idea for a software application, called The Bachelor Pad, which would rate and organize your potential prospects. The idea, like most businesses, was borne out of necessity: when I was talking to three 36-year-old women named Stacy on JDate, I definitely needed The Bachelor Pad.

Alas, the one thing I never did was share my spreadsheet with someone I was dating.

That’s where Dave screwed up. And that’s why there’s a feature about him on Deadspin.

Have you ever resorted to Excel to keep track of your own dating prospects? Do you see anything wrong with this? I know it sounds impersonal, but it’s certainly practical – especially if you believe that you have to talk with 7-10 people at once to get 1-2 good dates.

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Comments:

21

Ruby

Dave sounds incredibly clueless. It’s one thing to keep your own private spreadsheet or lists or whatever, but what was he thinking when he emailed it to one of his dates, who asked him, in jest, to send it to her? Especially when he talks about a drunken hook-up and describes another woman as “very jappy”? If a man I had dated sent me a spreadsheet like this, no, I would not see him again. Dave set himself up when he emailed his list to someone he barely knew, demonstrating that he is sorely lacking in social skills and smarts.

David T #9

“You can bet if he was dating someone h knew from his regular life he would know something about who they are, and *gasp* maybe even care about them as people.”

Actually, if you scroll down to the bottom of his spreadsheet, Dave lists women he has met off-line as well. His descriptions of them are even less detailed. I don’t think this is an online dating issue, but maybe more of an issue of someone who is better at dealing with spreadsheets than with people.

I spend time with lots of men and don’t require a spreadsheet. What’s to keep track of? Or is it more necessary for guys to keep one since the onus is on them to plan dates and follow through? At any rate, I’m not sure why some people make dating out to be some giant complicated challenge like this — the vast majority of people in relationships seem to be average-looking, average personality people who just met someone at a party or social event that they had an enjoyable time with and decided to date. Not by trying hard to look hot, weeding through hundreds of profiles, and keeping detailed notes on their prospects.

you’ve gotta give the guy 10 points for honesty. i feel a bit sorry for him getting shafted for being so honest about what he was doing. she definitely didn’t accept him for who he was 🙂 he sounds quite self-centered, out of touch with the way probably alot of women would perceive this kind of thing … hence, i’m guessing he’s not a player. but i bet he makes alot of money if he’s that anally organised 🙂

Whatever a guy does at home, alone, to keep track of dates, is his business. I don’t need to know about it. If a guy had sent me that, I would have just emailed him and said, “TMI, thanks but no thanks. It’s offputting.”

I’ve never needed a spreadsheet, but I did make sure I went over emails/profiles if I knew I was talking to several different men, to make sure I did not confuse them.

I once had a guy, bless his heart, tell me on the first date that he was talking to/meeting a bunch of different women because he was just getting back into dating, after his wife died of cancer the previous year. I understood where he was coming from but I remembered thinking to myself, well thanks buddy, I didn’t need that little tidbit. Hopefully he learned to “put a filter” on his mouth. Nice enough guy, but clueless with dating.

I think its not a bad idea after dating N times and maybe these dates are meaningless so you have to keep a track. If you have a date abd it was good, you will remember the details about the other, otherwise the date was just to meet someone without any intention to have something. And if someone is using this, just try to make it natural, dont repeat everything as a machine recorder.

helene said: (#2)“it is certainly preferable to the alternative — mixing up your dates.”Julie said: (#10)“Seems like if you met someone you really liked you wouldn’t need to enter it on a computer, it would be stuck in your mind.”

This is exactly why I recommend keeping some sort of notes when in the initial steps of dating. Before a date, I would refer to online profiles and previous emails. Furthermore, immediately after a phone call, a conversation or a date, I would take “conversation notes” that I was likely to forget. I prefer to type these into the “Notes” section on my Outlook contacts, so I can reference them from my phone.

It gives the impression that I’m attentive, that I’m remembering the details, that this woman is special … and that I’m not struggling to avoid confusing her with several other women.

Generally speaking, I was just keeping track of things we had talked about (and might talk about again). If a woman mentioned her birth date, she would be pleasantly surprised when I “remembered” it three months later.

Dating, which is receding into my past, costs money as well as time. Prescreening saves both. When I used a spreadsheet (1-2-3 is so much better), it was pre-date but it was very predictive of results. I was completely stunned by the top point scorer in real life. Sadly, she omitted to include the presence of a husband on her profile which emerged when the subject of travel arose.

@Karl R………exactly…. lol …..that’s why I record the initial conversation

@Joe #28…. I don’t meet “that many women” to NEED a spreadsheet. Some months I may meet 2 or 3 but some none. I may date someone for awhile etc…. But I know I average meeting between 10-15 a year. Most women can do that in a month or less. Do you know how I know that I meet an average of 10-15 a year? I look back at my yearly spreadsheets. 🙂

Jackie is right, I do have a bit of OCD. I also have a great social life and plenty of hobbies as well. All of us that do this(spreadsheeting..keeping track of things etc….) are not like the Dave in this article btw.

Well when I had 5 men under the radar at once , I kept track of their info in Microsoft Word.. I didn’t wanna be like one of those men who gets their date info mixed up. But I certainly wouldn’t share it with one of my dates. I think that would turn anyone off. (like Laura, 5 was too many, would stay with just 3 max now and 1 good man would be perfect :-))

“Erika Ettin created a spreadsheet tracking the number of responses to her initial e-mails. Well over 60 percent of the messages she sent received replies, leading to more than 120 dates – the final one being her beau of two years.”

Gee only 120 dates?? At my rate of meeting women 10-15 a year maybe I’ll meet my sweetie this decade…lol But of course she was getting a 60% reply rate to most mens 3%. Oh well….

When I online dated I used note cards because they were easy to pop in my purse and take with me. I admit I’m pretty bad at excel so that would not work for me. I would also print their pic and staple if to the notecard. One guy asked me to send him my pic so he could associate it with my phone number in his prime after a few dates I found that to be quite clever! But I don’t like to have my phone out on dates. I did not use my cards like this man used his spreadsheet. I used them early on in the dating process say after I had only been on a few dates with the men. I have a pretty good memory but even I could not keep up with 5 dates a week every week. So I would start the card with a picture and the info from the site and then add what I learned schooling family, etc. I did not rate them because if I liked a guy I remembered that and why and if I I did not well then he fell off. This was more for to remember things about them. Early on I mixed people up like who went to college where who worked where but yet none of the men every did that to me they remembered everything I told them so I thought it important to do the same. I also wrote the man’s name on the calendar and time. I never slept with multiple men I only sleep with men whom I am exclusive with. I used the cards early on to get to know the men. Just too many. No one ever caught on. I had guy friends that set up multiple dates in one day they had so many I never did that I mean I’d we click I want the chance to spend more time. Let’s face it ladies in DC and NYC men are hot commodities even if they are homeless! They have their pick!

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