TEN YEARS AFTER: ECW on Sci-Fi (01.22.08)

The CM Punk and Chavo Guerrero saga continues – and now the world champ Edge is now getting involved. Obviously he’s wanting good things to happen for his sweet ass girlfriend, current love of his life, and Smackdown GM Vickie Guerrero’s ex-nephew-in-law, so he helped Chavito get a cheap countout win over CM Punk last week by bashing the world title over his head to warrant an ECW world title match this week.

Your hosts are Joey Styles & Tazz. BTW, ECW IS NOW WWE|HD!

5-Man Over the Top Rope Challenge

If this just sounds like a battle royal, that’s because it is. The five guys are Kane, The Miz, John Morrison, Tommy Dreamer, and “Gold Standard” Shelton Benjamin. Styles announces Tommy Dreamer will be in the Royal Rumble as if he has a chance in hell to win. Heels dominate early and actually stick together. When Dreamer and Kane come back, Dreamer tries to eliminate Kane and gets goozled only to be thrown out. Now all three heels stomp Kane. Benjamin hits Kane with the PAYDIRT, but then Miz and Morrison try to get rid of Benjamin. The Awesome Clothesline connects. Now Kane sits up and starts running wild. He throws Benjamin out to the apron, but Shelton holds onto the top rope for dear life. Kane goozles the tag champs and pushes them out. Meanwhile, Shelton skins-the-cat and headscissors Kane to the floor as well for the win. (3:07) Well they picked the right guy to go over even though this is ultimately a meaningless match. Shelton cuts a promo afterward saying that there ain’t no stopping him at the Royal Rumble. You can appreciate his confidence, I suppose. ¾*

Jonathan Coachman hosts tonight’s BEST BODY CONTEST. Even in hosting a bikini contest, people boo Coach. Our contestants are Layla, Lena Yada, and Kelly Kelly. YES, LAYLA IN HIGH DEFINITION. First, Coach gets jiggy with it and then remembers he’s supposed to host this thing. They each get thirty seconds to shake their groove thing. Since KK is the babyface, she wins by the crowd reaction. While KK is very attractive, there’s no way she’s got a better body than Lena Yada or LAYLA OH MY GOSH. Afterwards, Layla and Lena take KK’s face and smash it on the mat for fun.

By the way, did you know that Lena Yada is married to the lead singer of Disturbed? The more you know!

Kofi Kingston vs. David Owen

He’s WWE’s first Jamaican superstar, ladies and gents. I actually liked his theme song back then. This is Kofi’s TV debut, by the way. David Owen is a bald, short, muscly, tattooed indy guy. Messy match as these two weren’t on the same page, but Kofi shows off his amazing vertical leaping skill here. Boom Drop sets up TROUBLE IN PARADISE. (2:32) Styles and Tazz have no clue what his moves are called, but try to get everything over anyways.

Edge is backstage with Chavo Guerrero getting him hyped up saying that once Chavo was ECW world champ, they could run two shows. Vickie wheels in and says the family that sticks together wins together.

CUE THE YEARLY ROYAL RUMBLE PROMO VIDEO COMPLETE WITH STATISTICS.

Styles and Tazz then run down the rest of the Royal Rumble card.

In the locker room, we now see Armando Alejandro Estrada chatting with La Familia. Seems sketchy.

Back to the show, Tazz is in the ring with Colin Delaney. It’s another week of him getting his ass beat to try and become a WWE superstar. Colin is about one match away from a full body cast at this point. I hope that it comes out that a bloodthirsty Tazz was behind this whole thing.

The Great Khali (w/Ranjin Singh) vs. Colin Delaney

Delaney is destroyed by Khali in about 35 seconds with the Brain Chop, the TREE SLAM, and the HEAD VICE. Hilarious. Delaney’s face looks squashed like a grape.

Edge will be doing guest commentary on this one. Ring announcer Tony Chimel says this match will now be competed under NO DISQUALIFICATION RULES. SINCE WHEN? THAT’S NOT RIGHT! Pissed off Punk runs through Chavo and exposes a turnbuckle. A whip into the corner gets teased, but then they wind up on the apron where Punk kicks Chavo to the floor for the tope suicida. We get some ringside brawling with Punk in total control until Chavo counters a suplex and drops Punk ribs first on the steps. Back in, Chavo delivers a baseball slide to the ribs that knocks Punk into the ringpost. He follows up with an abdominal stretch. When Punk escapes, he avoids a corner whip and drills Chavo with a clothesline. He gets the running knee in the corner and eventually nails the running bulldog. Punk tries the Springboard Clothesline, but Chavo catches him with a dropkick on the way down. THREE AMIGOS! Punk avoids the Frog Splash and launches Chavo into the exposed turnbuckle. GTS connects! Punk turns around into a SPEAR from Edge! As Chavo crawls over to Punk, Edge is already back at the commentary table cheering on Chavo as if nothing happened. And with that, Chavo gets the three-count and becomes the *new* ECW world champ. (6:27) While Edge and Chavo celebrate in the ring, they are joined by Vickie Guerrero, Zack Ryder, and Curt Hawkins. Pretty good little match, too. LA FAMILIA IS COMPLETE~! At least until Bam Neely enters the picture. ***