about facing life with hope and confidence, no matter the diagnosis

I write because so many people have told me to write a book about my life, but I have always felt no one would believe this "stranger than fiction" life if I did write it all down. However, after my Dad died, I was continually plagued with his last requests-write your story, Cindy. God has given it to you for a reason. You can help people by showing them what God has done for you through the trials and tribulations of your life.
And so this blog...because I don't know how to write a book. I write just like I talk. So just expect stories where God has been protecting me, teaching me, molding me, refining me and that means through fire! I never know what to expect next nor should you. Seek the Lord while He may be found.

Archive for August, 2012

I have often described myself as a conduit and truly that is what I feel like most days! What a fun, terrific feeling, knowing that My God has me meeting all of these wonderful different people. People that you just don’t walk out there and meet every day! let me see if I can describe what one connection did for me. I met Valerie who lives in London, UK on a website. We had a lovely chat there and then she called me a couple of days later and what a wonderful conversation we had. We both were trying to network and see how we could help each other. It turns out that Valerie helped me a lot more than I have helped her-at least so far. She introduced me to an attorney in Washington, DC. I said, “call me!” So Tonya did call and we had a great conversation, infact, I want to speak with her more often. She really lifts me up! That day though she told me that she had lost her dad just 3 weeks previously; so of course, I told her all about GriefShare. I had her look it while we were on the phone and pick out a meeting close to her, with a convenient day and time. She said would go to it and we agreed to talk again later. The next thing I know she is introducing me to the lovely Janet -the author and coach I have already written about! Janet is published and does her own publishing with Ebooks too. She is one of the ones who is guiding me through my process. She has been more helpful than she knows. Most of all, she gave me validation like ya’ll do whenever you come or comment. Ms. Tonya got busy again, and this time she posted a reference for me, recommending me as a legal recruiter. And she put it in the very special group that she belongs to–ex-white house staffers! I didn’t know she had posted anything until I got an email from a man with the perfect background, experience and education for a search I am doing with an associate. I didn’t know where he came from-his cover letter had mentioned that his wife had given him my contact info. But this guy is in the midwest and Ms Tonya in DC, so it couldn’t be that way. I called Tonya anyway and she told me about the “special group” she blongs to on LinkedIn. So full steam ahead, I called the candidate who actually had some time to speak with me and I got most of questions asked. His wife also would like to send a resume, he told me but couldn’t talk now would email her resume and make an appt with me. I got her resume that night. What an incredibly accomplished, smart woman she is! She had been an undersecretary to the UN under GW Bush and that was the last job she had with him. Before that, probably the things she had done in the White House and the Pentagon-let’s just say I was almost speechless! That’s a biggie for me! What has been nicest of all is that everyone is a believer-truly easy to talk with and work with; another area of peace I could do with in my life.

Now can you believe all that came from one person’s referral? But that is what happens when you truly let go and let God take over your job or your business or in my case, what we call my practice. I know it’s not “me”, knowing me or listening to me. But I do know what a kick it is when someone you have invested in time wise and caring wise, starts saying back to you all the things you have said to them because now they are reaching out, most people for the first time. Are they so surprised when nobody bites their hand off! Yes, they are surprised, but now they have experienced that “rush”. I would not equate it, because that would be so wrong-but Paul even spoke about this “rush” this feeling of incredible peace, love and goodwill that comes over you when you have shared Jesus and of course it makes you want to do it again, and again. It works, you know, time in, time out, regardless of the industry of the moment, the state of our union and the state of the people of the United States. They can try and ban everything, but what they can not ban is in each believers’ heart–that alone is going to keep believers going during the bad, hard times coming.

And then there was another connection I made through LinkedIn. Just someone I ran across, saw the picture and the business and God said connect with her. So I sent out an invitation and forgot about it. She called me Monday and let me know that she had been out of town, but now was back and could we talk? I spoke with her abut 4-5 min, when all of a sudden, she loudly said STOP!, just STOP! of course I did, I wondered, what had I said or done wrong this time? I should have more faith in the Master and what He is about or I would not have thought that. Here is what she said. “Can I just tell you that 2 weeks ago, I prayed –I prayed for God to send me someone to help me. Someone with wisdom, who understood my business.” She continued ” I need help in knowing what direction to go, I need to get back to God and so many other things, Are you that person? And you are a Christian too? ” I answered, “yes and yes”. Deciding that we had much more to talk about than just a nice phone conversation, we arranged to meet for lunch. I must say, I don’t ever think I have had a 2 1/2 hr lunch before, but it was marvelous, wonderful, and amazing. For the first time, I was speaking to someone who had really done some walking inmy shoes in term of her personal life and her business life. Of course I can’t go into any details except to say that there is no doubt on our parts that God Himself put us together. What was wonderful is her immediate commitment to some times and events that will make such a difference in her life. Follow through is everything.

So you see why I might be excited all the time? I wish I were not so wordy, I would share more incredible connections that happened the week before. But I think I have said enough that if you want the same connections and excitement over what you are doing, You have to seek the Lord first. And when you have done that and trusted Him and the blessings start to flow, you know you are on the right path-you are at peace at last-which is just what you wanted all along.

Oh Beloved ones! I have tried once, twice again to write, but have just been delayed in doing so. I have to believe when that happens, I am to wait to write. My Master who knows all things may be changing the circumstances, timing, days, people who knows what?, but when He is ready, then I am ready. I have spent the last several weeks almost in a state of constant excitement and anticipation. I wake up like that and I go to bed very late because of that; I am looking and listening, reading the Word and communing with my Lord God. I went back to Philippians where I didn’t finish what I was exactly writing about. There are so many great passages in Philippians to quote from that, that is all you would get, so I am picking out the pieces of scripture in the book that mean so much to me, but I would urge you to read and study Philippians on your own as well–you might have a whole different way that means something to you that God speak to you through.

In the body of the first chapter, Paul is doing exactly what I do in bad, poor, horrible or otherwise situations: He is telling the Philippians that the fact that he is in jail is actually a good thing. It truly is, because he has shared the gospel throughout the jail and with all of the palace guard, which is probably the only way he would have been able to share. He has told everyone that he has no care for comforts-that one place is as surely good as another. Paul’s whole concentration was on spreading the gospel ofJesus Christ–just as it must be my concentration.Time is short, and yet there are so many who do not know Him! I would ask you this–at the very least you can share the Lord Jesus within your sphere of friends and family. I would hope and pray that you would do it because you loved them and because you believe the Father and Son and Holy Spirit when they say there is hell yet for those who will not be reconciled.

Then Paul gives us some very important truths starting with verse 19. A long passage so I am cherry picking the verses to write:

I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance…I will not be ashamed but will have sufficient courage and hope that Christ will be exalted whether by life or by death. For me to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am go on living, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I chose? I do not know! I desire to depart and be with Christ, but it is more necessary for you that I remain…Whatever happens…stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. For you will be saved–and that by God. For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on Him, but also to suffer for Him.

I will stop there at the end of chapter 1. You see what I mean? There is so much for us to understand and look forward to. I think what was brought to my attention today, is to remind everyone that the time is short and running out. I too sometimes long for the everlasting arms of Jesus–to be able to be in His presence and worship and not have to stop for one thing or another. Yet I too have those who need me here. God isn’t finished with me yet. Unfortunately, He still has so much work to do on me, but I am so grateful for my salvation and my relationship with Him. I never knew you could truly have a relationship with God like this. I was told that He would speak to me through scripture, but He uses many, many more avenues than that! When He wants to talk to you and you don’t want to, it is not worth it to fight it! Because of course, The Lord God Almighty always wins at everything. But I promise that whatever His Plan is, it’s better than yours–because you can’t see the future and He can. Because He has planned your future so that you can be completely fulfilled, knowing you are loved unconditionally by the King Of the Universe.

I must address the last little phrase of the text. As I have read a lot the last week, I have noticed once again how very often Christians are suffering. At first I thought, it’s just a new church, they will get used to it. Then there was the massive pulling away from Christ altogether as we seem to be doing in America now, and certainly Europe is anything but Christian. And now in many countries people are dying for their faith or they are suffering because of that faith. In 1st Peter 4:16, Peter says if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. Oh Beloved ones! there are so many who will be shocked on that day of judgement! Proverbs 11:30-31 The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and he who wins souls is wise. If the righteous receive their due on earth, how much more the ungodly and the sinner! or put another way in 1st Peter 4:18 If it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner? We are living in interesting, exciting times. As I have said before, just look in the newspaper and look in your Bible…It’s coming…our day…but in the meantime, love people, see them as Jesus saw the-lost sheep without a shepherd. Know in your heart, that for those left behind, there truly may not be another chance. So don’t sit back, relax and read a book. Get up, get dressed, get out there! Make a difference in someone’s life -not just now, but eternally!

There is nothing more painful than to be on your knees pouring out your heart to God only to watch as your dreams being crushed before your eyes. If you are a true believer, you know by faith that God heard your cries for help. He has said in his word that he would never leave you nor abandon you. Yet despite knowing that God is aware of your struggle, you still feel left with nothing but a broken heart, eyes that can’t stop crying and a question within as to why he would allow you to go through this pain.

It is difficult to understand when you are overwhelmed, but your attitude in times of trouble is an indicator of where your faith lies. When you face a trial in your life, it is a struggle to believe that God will be there to…

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It has been a whole week since a post from me! Beloved ones, it is not because I wanted it that way, it was that part of the week I was really sick again with the asthma. My precious Lord told 5 people to call me that day to pray for me! I was so surprised! Each one knew I was ill, but not with what and that they were to pray and so they did. This was Tuesday. It was very difficult because I needed to work–I had made good calls the day before but Tuesday is always followup day. I had been up twice during the night to use my nebulizer 1 am and then at 5-never went back to sleep–knew my breathing was really diminished. I had called the doctor and was told to go back up to 60 mg of prednisone and keep using the neb. I did work all day but God was so good to me. He literally dropped in my lap 2 people who were great fits for 2 new searches that I had been asked to work with another associate out of Indianapolis. She is going to present them to the client on Monday and I am so glad for her! She seems to be a fine partner, thinks like I do–it’s not guaranteed that every time you get asked to do something by another team, that the relationship will be trustworthy or that you will even like one another! So I am grateful on many counts.

So let’s go back a week to Jeremiah 17:12 Notice the order here-praising and worshipping first, then requesting.

A glorious throne, exalted from the beginning is the place of our sanctuary. O Lord, the hope of Israel, all who forsake you will be put to shame. Those who turn away from you will be written in the dust because they have forsaken the Lord, the Spring of Living Water. Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed, save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.

Now everybody don’t get excited all at once! I have prayed for healing before now and I have been prayed for and over. I do believe that I am healed, that it may not manifest itself for awhile or while I am here on this earth. My Lord and I have done a lot of talking about my body, what’s been wrong with it all my life, what I am doing now, what I can expect in the future. I really don’t have all the answers except for this. I trust my Lord and Father God with everything that I have and I am. He uses the illnesses or attacks or crazy things I catch to put me in the right place, at the right time, to speak with a particular person-that apparently I needed to be the one to do the sharing and the reaping which is so much fun! I would rather talk about Jesus and all that He has done and is doing not just for me but for so many that I know about–than just about anything else I can think of! I do have to be careful though, there are other things to speak of than Jesus and my work I know-and I can’t be a good friend, good family member, good at anything else if I don’t pay close attention when needed and wanted.

I did want to say thank you to those 5 people who called me on Tues when I was so sick and the Lord told you to call and pray for me. I was sick and terribly afraid I was going to have to go back to the Hospital and stay again. But God honored your obedience in calling and praying and He answered by keeping me out of the hospital and I was able to work through it.

This week He made some people who have needed jobs for over a year, or wanted a particular position with a particular company, or always worked toward a company with a future and a position of authority –these people were all happy tonight this week, and today yes it is 3 in the morning. I was so privileged to be a part of all of it. It is one of the reasons I do work hard.

Dear Ones, I was sent this in addition to a comment from my post the other night. I wanted to share it so that you can see what our Lord Jesus is doing in other places. Actually all over the world, He is appearing in dreams and visions just as the scripture said that He would. Sometimes this is the only way, for that pure hearted seeker to come to Him. But God did say, if you seek me you will find me-and so is obligated help that seeker find him! Here is where a young girl is being healed a little more and more every day after being brought to the worship services they had. “Wherever two or more are gathered together in my name, there Iwill be also”

“Something miraculous is taking place at our Erev of Shabbat’s. We have a small group that meets, the Mother of the house we meet at is descended from a line of Rabbi’s of Damascus Syria. She is a believer in Yeshua.

About 2 months ago a friend brought her children to join us and the 20 yrs old daughter has a crippling disease from birth and has never walked. The Doctors said she would not live past 4. Last week with help she raised off the couch and took steps across the room without help, just like a toddler taking first steps. She leaned forward and walked across the room into the arms of my friend who is Husband of the house. She made it back to her seat and played the tambourine during our worship. Someone said “worship the Lord” and she clearly spoke “I am”, she uses signs and I have not heard her speak before.

Last night she had help getting to her twisted feet, but she danced holding hands in a circle and even let go and stood alone, dancing in the midst of our group. Joy filled the room and everyone was so blessed, some had tears of joy and everyone’s heart was warmed.

My friend called today that after we had left, she got off the couch all by herself and ran across the room again into my friends arms and back to the couch. Later she was put to bed in the bedroom but came running out later all by herself to the kitchen to get her iPod and sat back in the living room. Her mom said this has never happened before in 20 years.

My mom says she has seen miracles before, but never like this and neither have I. It’s like she is being healed a little at a time each week getting stronger. Her mom says “it’s the Shabbat”.

My puppy dog likes to get up at six and if I haven’t already gotten up at 5 or 5:30, for sure I am up at 6. This gives me time to read the Word that the Lord has for me and some wonderful devotionals that I get online. Today’s messages were so strong that I felt I couldn’t wait all day to write what the Lord was saying to me. Bear with me, I am going to be in two different books and it doesn’t even look like they could be related, but they are, so stick with me.

My first reading was out of Jeremiah. I started in Chapter 16 and read through 23. I am not going to write out all of that this morning. But there were little jewels in each chapter to shine the light on; to bring to the forefront because of the world we are living in. I think it is the most exciting time in history because every time you open a newspaper you can see prophecy being revealed as all of the things that God has said would take place are actually happening. The first verse in chapter 16 refers to the remnant being gathered together to form the nation of Israel one last time. God says He is restoring them to the land He gave their Fathers. But He is talking future, because right now He is very angry with them and going to scatter them by the hand of the king of Babylon. Jeremiah does write at the end of that first chapter:

O Lord, my strength and my fortress, my refuge in time of distress, to you the nations will come from the ends of the earth and say, ” Our fathers possessed nothing but false gods, worthless idols that did them no good. Do men make their own gods? Yes, but they are not gods!”THEREFORE I WILL TEACH THEM, THIS TIME I WILL TEACH THEM MY POWER AND MIGHT. THEN THEY WILL KNOW THAT MY NAME IS THE LORD.

I would say that at such a time as this in our own nation, we should be coming to Him or ours will also go the way of the other nations that have scorned the Lord God Almighty.

In chapter 17, there were some special truths that stuck out at me this morning. Starting in verse 7 through10

But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.

Wow that says a lot in just 4 verses. First for me, it was convicting. Am I like the tree planted by the water. I know that water can be the word of the Lord God and yes, I am planted right next to it every day. But am I planted financially so that I don’t fear when heat (hard times) come? No, not any longer. However the lack of that has made me throw my total trust upon the Lord for His care and providence and I know that I have that every day, just as I see fruit of my witness every day. Did I always? Oh no, not at all.

And last but not least what God says about the heart! Oh, do I know it!! I have to keep a close eye on that heart of mine. It would like to act any way it wanted to anytime it wanted to-read whatever, see whatever movie or play or even TV show. But God has shown me that certain ones aren’t good for me. They may not bother the next person at all. For me though, they take my focus away from Him and of course that is not good for either of us. When The Lord is speaking to me about something I need to let go of –of course He has already examined my mind and heart and knows it all, yet I sometimes still pretend,…”What are you talking about Lord, did I know do this and this? and now you want this?” But truthfully we both know I know exactly what He is talking about. What I have found out is that is it much simpler to just say Yes Lord. Obedience does bring its own rewards I have learned.

I see that I am going to have to skip over to Philippians as otherwise I would be writing so many words no one would read anything. I’ll come back to Jeremiah tomorrow and finish up.

Oh the precious book of Philippians! It was the first book study I ever did and so remains special in my heart. I know I won’t complete what I want to say about it either today and so will hope to finish it tomorrow with Jeremiah.

In the first chapter, verse 6 Paul starts with a very important verse. In fact, I base my life on this verse and then 9-11

Be confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus… And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with fruit of righteousness that come through Jesus Christ –to the glory and praise of God.

So now you know exactly why I was not afraid I was going to die of that pulmonary embolism I had in July nor of the asthma attack I had this week or of anything else that Satan may throw at me because I stand for Christ, my Savior. He has given me a task that is yet undone and so I will be here at least that long. The prayer that Paul prays is also certainly mine, just at Phil 6:19 is. (we’ll get there again) God is teaching me, Himself and through organized formal Bible study, through my pastor, through my experiences-depth of knowledge and depth of insight-just what is good and pure and blameless. Who I should listen to, who I should give to in their neediness, who I should mentor? Discerning comes from that heart that God has examined and hopefully in my case, cleaned up enough to discern correctly HIS desires, not mine, not even my good inclinations because God’s desires, inclinations are perfect.

I must stop here. There is so much more I would share, I thought I would have time to talk about what the great and mighty God is doing just in every day life connections for me so that I can continue helping others, but not today. Sounds like a long post tomorrow, doesn’t it! Well read what you can. Come back when you can. Know that you are beloved of the Lord God.

Guess what happens when you get just a little big for your pants? at least that’s what my Daddy used to say to me, when I was getting a little smart mouth on me. I went back and read what I wrote last night all of which I certainly meant. But I must have been getting a little too smart mouthed for the Lord, because at 3 am I woke up coughing and wheezing like never before. I don’t wheeze. Everybody knows that. But Today August the 7th, 2012 I wheezed for hours! We tried everything but when nothing worked, we just went to the ER. I didn’t want to get so sick that I would have to stay again. I just wanted my meds and to go home. Of course I got the doc who doesn’t understand about cough variant asthma again. He was so happy I was wheezing-that he could understand and diagnose! So I got my meds (IV Solumedrol-miracle drug) and also a breathing treatment of their special stuff I don’t have at home and after they had stuck me a half a dozen times we were able to leave!

I am absolutely dependent upon my God for my very breath and that very breath that allows me to talk and do my work. I acknowledge that in all my words and deeds. I can do nothing without Him, but what I can do WITH Him is amazing and wonderful to me to be used as I am. Truly tonight I am doubly blessed by what my sharing of His Word and His Ministry did for others, because they shared it back with me. How wonderful is that!!!

The first story is from one of my candidates, an attorney who is a believer and because of our shared faith, it has been easy to become friends. When we were first talking about the particular position, she had already had a first interview and really liked the person, already liked everything she had read and heard about the firm; but she asked me-Cindy ..”How will I know that this is the right opportunity for me?” I told that’s easy. You turn to Isaiah 30:21 and read where it says that God will whisper in your ear the way in which you are to go. She liked that apparently, looked it up and claimed that promise for herself. Today she reminded me and said...”Remember when you told me???”

Yes, I remember. Turns out she’s had this horrendous case for 4 years. Everyone including the senior partners of her firm wanted her to settle -for a $1million-but something in her just said this isn’t right. So she prayed about it and the job possibility as well and then laid down to go to sleep. Then clear as a bell, a voice said, Don’t settle, you’ll win the case. She said,“Cindy I knew that was God’s voice telling me what to do just like you and the scripture said He would. But if you hadn’t told me that I would have thought it was my imagination and I might have settled. In the meantime, because we are preparing for court, all of the right, needed pieces are dropping in from heaven and we are going to win our case.” Of course I am very happy that she is going to win that case, but I was happier and so blessed by the fact that she would take what the Lord had said through me and do it and of course the Lord would act-He does not lie- but my thrill was that she brought it back to me to tell me. Oh that was incredible how blessed I felt!

The second story started a couple of weeks ago. I might have mentioned in a posting that I had met someone from London who had introduced me to an attorney in Washington, DC. This young woman and I are going to be fast friends if we ever get the chance to have a full conversation. Our first one was 15 min-but we did get a lot crammed in there. For starters the most important thing-the way that I could help her right now. You see, she lost her dad just about 5 weeks ago now. At 3 weeks she was just like I was when I lost my dad-a mess. Even thought you know absolutely where your father is and you wouldn’t want to make him come back for any reason, you still miss him so much. Here it is 3 years later and I still miss him the same. But at least I don’t hurt like I did when I was first grieving-I couldn’t really think straight even. I was such a mess that my dear BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) friends said you have to go to GriefShare. What is GriefShare? I had never heard of it, but dutifully I went online and found a group that met at a place and time convenient for me and I went. Of course I went to be comforted. I needed comfort. What I found was hurting people who in many instances had no hope at all. I went to all the meetings and thought why don’t we (our church) have a GriefShare Ministry? I should learn not to think thoughts like that! Because of course I wound up as a GriefShare leader for 2 1/2 years until God took me away from it because of my immunity issue.

So back to my friend. We talked about her grief and she really was barely hanging on. Oh, how I understood! So of course I told her about GriefShare and what it had meant to me. I asked her if she were near a computer and she was. I told her to type in GriefShare.org and then her zip code and it would bring up any and all meetings close to where she lived or worked depending on what she needed to be close to. She was so surprised to find a good many. I urged her to call and make arrangement to attend. check in. And here is my blessing: I called her tonight just to check in withher, had to leave a message, she called me back. She was at her first GriefShare meeting and was calling me back during their break! She sounded quite happy and said she’d call me tomorrow and then she thanked me again for telling her about GriefShare.

I would love to take credit for being so good at listening and anticipating needs, but I ‘m not. Any Good Thing In Me Is God and He is the one who knows all things, knows all needs. I was once again simply the conduit that He used to do His work. I am so privileged to be that person.

I do thank each one of you who prays for me. I can’t begin to tell you what that means to me. Your comments, encouragement, and examples sometimes have kept me going when I just wanted to stop for a while-when I just need a little break. I am going to ask you to pray for something specific for me and my sisters this time. Women of Faith has their annual conference in Orlando in October 12-13. My Orlando sister and I have always gone to the conferences for years! We love them. This year, we’ve invited our other sisters. The youngest one has a 3 yr old and a 2 yr old and of course that means leaving them with Dad. On a Thurs and Fri night no less.For her to come she needs his cooperation and really his desire for her to come be with us. My Philly sister I am asking tomorrow. I ask that she would want to come to this conference and that it and we would be important to her to come as she is important to us to ask to come. I know my God is big enough to handle these requests, but there’s power in numbers and I happen to know I need the power for these requests to be answered positively.

So please all of you pray I believe it could be life changing for all of us. Thank you and I love you all with the love of the Lord God.

Well, at least my feelings and head are back on straight. I was just coming down with another spell of C Diff. This nasty little bacteria doesn’t want to leave me! Once I figured out that this was my problem, I called and got some more Flagil which is the main med for this bug. Some day, I am sure I will be meeting someone who has it too and I can comfort them as I was comforted in the hospital in April or comforted now by dear friends and family and my Lord God as I know He never lets anything near me but that it was filtered through His fingers. Of course we are talking about why I have to have it 3 times now. But I do rest in Him, knowing that He has my best at His Heart!

How blessed that assurance is! So many people including those I love carry such heavy burdens. I know, I did for years. And keep trying to pick one up again! But my lessons from Him are so fresh and alive that I know that I know that Nothing can separate me from His love and care-He wants to carry the burden–I am happy to let Him do so.

So no worries for me tonight! I have heard from some of you who had concerns and I do love you and thank you but truly I am ok–I may be saying that some day when I am dying and fixing to meet my Jesus face to face-but remember I know the way, I have the ticket. I will see you there if not here someday…

What a hard week last week was! I thought I was going to close 2 deals on Tuesday-didn’t happen—good thing is, I haven’t lost the deals-just the closings are postponed. I even got new searches from one of the clients. And I got a brand new client who has really good needs.

So why am I so blah? I think I am worn out again…just trying to catch up and still take care of everyone. I am trying to take care of me too. Today, I went back to bed and slept 3 hours! I’ve had to keep my leg elevated because of swelling and some throbbing pain-which my doc and I do not understand—with the amount of Coumadin that I am taking, I couldn’t have another clot…I don’t know. I guess I am a little frustrated…and yet I do know absolutely positively that my Lord God is in charge, directing, moving people, changing hearts… that everything that comes to me has been filtered through His fingers! But I have to admit that between the leg and the re-emergence of the C Diff! yes after 3 bouts of antibiotics! I am worn out, worn down, and just want a break! I shared very honestly with this friend and because she understands exactly how I feel-because she has been there with some of my own diseases. The Lord has healed her, but she remembers how it feels, and this time I am the receiver of comfort:

“My heart aches for you. Indeed, there are answers in the Bible. God tells Israel that He is our Healer, and David writes in Psalm 27:14, “Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.” God is in control, and your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Your body is not your own, it was bought with a price, the priceless blood of our own dear Jesus, the Messiah. May you rest in the arms of Jesus as He tends to His friend’s body, and may you bask in Him and His presence. I’m praying for you.

Andrew Murray wrote in “Divine Healing,” “He leads us to understand that if we yield our body unreservedly to the influence of the Holy Spirit, we shall experience His power in us, and He will heal us by bringing into our body the very life of Jesus. He leads us, in short, to say with full conviction, ‘The body is for the Lord.’”

May you reflect on the power of God at work in your spirit and in your body.”

Now do you see why I am so in love with my God and Savior? Even in my “down,” He reaches out to me from my friends, family and then His Very Own Self.

I have continued to see all of the different doctors that you see after a pulmonary embolism-henceforth referred to as a PE. Of course everybody’s got a different opinion of how long I take the Coumadin for and how much! I just listen and know that when it’s time to stop, I’ll know. I have gotten good reports though-people are truly amazed at how fast I have recovered. That’s a God thing I tell them. He had a different agenda in the hospital, so I think that is why I wasn’t as damaged as I could have been. My Lord does take really good care of me. I don’t worry anymore even about my meds and someday not being able to have them. He’s said not to worry about it. So I won’t. I am sure He has a plan.

I have talked with some great people this past week as the Lord continues to bring new friends into my life. I also had the opportunity to watch my Lord answer prayer. On Saturday, I got an email from the Gospel for Asia Group. Their senior missionary had been kidnapped by terrorists who were asking for a very large ransom. The group has a policy of non negotiation-period. So they emailed everyone on their email lists-told us what had happened and asked us to pray. Because truly God was the only one who could help this man be released unharmed. ALL other victims had been slaughtered. So my husband and I prayed. I asked Jesus again to honor His promise of John 14:13-14-knowing that of course this man’s release would bring great glory to the Lord God of Heaven and Earth. I asked Him to whisper the man’s location in someone’s ear that could find him, because I knew that God knew exactly where the man was. He wasn’t lost to Him.

On Monday morning I got another email, Here was the great news I had been expecting! The terrorists had released the man, unharmed!! Unheard of? Unbelievable?? well only if you don’t know my Lord God. So to HIM be the glory and the honor forever and ever amen…amen.