Don's Fun Photos

FEMA Provides Fake Aid to Quake Victims

Danger Merchant - October 26th, 2012 By Percy Jitters Earthquake ravaged Los Angeles received some much needed relief from FEMA today after a long wait. FEMA teams began handing out shoe boxes with "MRE" written on the side and a large mural of FEMA workers rescuing people from rubble was painted on the rubble in which several dozen are believed to be trapped. FEMA plans to follow this effort by trucking in several million gallons of stone soup to be distributed to those without food or water.President Clinton to Stare Meaningfully at Satellite Photos of Area BBC NewsCongress Pledges Infinity Plus 1 Dollars of Aid to Region APBad Real Estate Choices - LApocalypto - Quake & Fault Fancy - Foxwireall 2,433 news articles

Troops Standin' Around Lookin' Good, Lookin' Hot

Iraqi Parliament Pledges U.S. National Guard to Help Volcano Refugees

Stars & Stripes & Horse Shoes - October 27th, 2012 By Jut Lanternchin The Iraqi Parliament has voted 89 to 23 in favor of redeploying three battalions of U.S. National Guard troops to assist refugees fleeing the eruption of Mount Saint Unfortunate in Utah. "We can probably spare them for a few days," commented Iraqi Defense Minister Robert Addington. Iraq expects to redeploy the battalions "as soon as a single brigade of the Iraqi Army has completed its training and stepped up to take the place of the American units."'When They Least Expect It': Time to Invade Iran? Horrid Green FootballsWell, Well, Well, the Volcano Caused Global Warming Scientific ContrarianSinister Caliphate Today - Cynical Opportunist - Santorum - Foxwireall 824 news articles

Beverage Clipart MADNESS

Deadly Drought May Effect the Taste of Coke

Georgia's Last Remaining Industry Monthly - October 27th, 2012 By Chug Popso The drought that has slain more than three hundred in the Atlanta area may have a detrimental impact on America's favorite soft drink. According to Coca-Cola they may be forced to reduce their usage of water drawn from Atlanta city aquifers. "We intend to fight this all the way," stated Coca-Cola VP Johnny Zero. "If our hand is forced, we do have a delicious substitute for water derived from acetyl alcohol and our own secret blend of artificial flavors and unstable polymer chains."Insatiable Red Cross Craves More Human Blood FoxwireVirtuWater: How the Drought is Helping Second Life WiredBeverage Bulletin - Big Gulper - Free Market Times - Foxwireall 906 news articles

Adorable Disease Archive

Monkeypox Pandemic Prompts Giddy High-Fives at CDC

Mouth-Breathing Vaccine-Fearer Quarterly - October 28th, 2012 By JON RAPS-WITH-EAGLES The 2,985 cases of monkeypox diagnosed this week in the central United States officially raises the monkeypox outbreak to pandemic status and the CDC could not be happier. "Yo, suck on that," cheered Don Munglet of the CDC Arizona office. "We called this one, bitches. Like ten years ago, we called it. In your face, America!" CDC head Cynthia McMacentire hoped that the elevation to pandemic will "better educate the public in regards to why we rule and they drool."FEMA Ships Quarantine Trailers to Pacific Abyssal Trench New York TimesParis Hilton Has Seen a Monkey One Time in a Cartoon USA TodayDisease Scarer - American Panic Medical Journal - Foxwireall 4,004 news articles

Benighted and Cursed Location of the Modern World

Hapless Yokel Standard - October 28th, 2012 By Rhett Rocket Congress has passed a controversial 100 billion dollar emergency relief bill for the northern Mississippi flood plains, where hundreds of thousands are homeless. To achieve a veto-proof majority the package sets aside 98.7 billion dollars for pork projects, including $98B to construct "The Branson Museum of Frigging Humongous Dicks." Construction of the museum will begin immediately. The remainder of the aid will be handed out by FEMA as debit cards to whoever is standing around when their truck stops. Victims are welcome to take as many cards as they can carry.Department of Homeland Security Lays Awake in Bed at Night and Wonders Why it Exists APChemtrails Seed Clouds With Bombs to Flood Mississippi YouTube ScientistHooray Branson! - Branson Times - Branson News & World Report - Foxwireall 204 news articles

Thetans Love Weiners

Scientology Field Team Measures Unprecedented Thetan Activity at Bridge Collapse

Minneapolis Tribune - October 29th, 2012 By Kudzu Hatebeam The Church of Scientology has released its latest e-meter scans of the collapsed Gudsaar Bridge site. According to the Scientology team, the collapse may have been caused by unprecedented Thetan activity just before the collapse. "There was ectoplasm all over the place," commented a man selling books. "We'll have to consult Hubbard's Spirit Guide before we can fully understand the cause of the collapse. I would check myself, but it's OTVII and I haven't leveled up enough fighting crabs to be able to use the book."Beck: "Hillary Clinton doesn't care about Thetans." TMZ.comScientologists Offer Medical Degree in Correctometrics Matrix-SchmatrixTom's Crews - Travoltin': The World's #1 Travolta Zine - Foxwireall 7,564 news articles

Fun Pics of Shit That's Gonna

Kill Us All!

FEMA "Totally Prepared" for Extinction-Level Meteor Impact

AP - October 29th, 2012 By SPITTING TURK Spokespeople for FEMA mounted a press blitz today to reassure concerned citizens that the agency is ready to cope with the aftermath of the upcoming J76/Ballswick meteor impact. "We have crisis teams standing by and ready to respond," assured FEMA head Paul Wiggles. Critics say Wiggles has no reason to be optimistic. "He has never held a job before this one," explained Internet researcher TitLovr69. "I found his resume and it's just an explanation of how you can turn a piece of licorice into a straw by biting both ends."Rocket Full of Lingerie Models and Senators Sets Out for Research Mission to International Space Station High TimesRichard Dawkins Scoffs at Prayers for Meteor to Miss, Fires Up Solitaire UPIDoomsday for Kids - Welp... - Nostradamus Illustrated - Foxwireall 364 news articles