Funny kid stories

Sometimes the children make me laugh out loud. When that happens, I try to take a moment to write down what happened, so I can share it with their parents. Here are a few of my all time favorites...

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At lunch time, S. pointed at the garlic salt and told me, “That’s itchy if you put it down your pants.”

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I told K. we would be making vegetable soup today, and she said, “We have to get out the ingredients!” I agreed, and asked her what ingredients we would need. “I don’t know,” she replied. “What do you think goes in vegetable soup?” I asked. Still she didn’t know. I thought I’d help her figure it out, so I said, “We put chicken in chicken soup, and tomatoes in tomato soup, so what would we put in vegetable soup?” Then she knew the answer, “Fiber, to make our guts work!”

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When K.’s parents came to interview, they mentioned that they have dogs. I asked what kind, and her daddy said they were boxers. C., age 3, piped up, “I have boxers too.” ( but C.’s boxers aren’t dogs).

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H., age 4: “If I ate them all I’d get a stummy ache.”

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K., age 3½ : “I know everything because I’m a very big girl now.”

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At the library this morning the librarian was showing us dinos and asking what kinds they were. Of course everyone knew T. Rex when it came up. She asked, "What does the T stand for in T. Rex?" H., age 4, knew: "Tough!"

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H., age 3: “I am worn out. Ms. Paula, do you know what worn out means?”

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A. held 2 animal crackers in her hands, and they were talking to each other. “How do you do?” asked the first cracker. “How do you do what?” replied the other.

A., age 4, walked up to Tanner and said, “Hello handsome.” Tanner just looked back at him. A. reconsidered and said “Maybe not.” Then ran off.

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We were eating snack when K., age 5, said, “My daddy didn’t go to work today, he worked from home.” I said, “Oh really? My work comes to my home every day too.” She looked at me in surprise and asked, “Really? What do you do?”

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H., age 4, was the first child here, and was having a pretend about baseball. I was supposed to be the umpire in the game between cow and shark. He announced a couple of plays, and called a ball “out of the park.” I said, “It’s not over ‘til the fat lady sings. Do we have a fat lady here to sing?” He said, “No. You’re the umpire.” No more cookies for me.

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A., age 5, was being very slow with lunch, and I said, “You need to eat some more lunch sweetie.” He looked at me and said, “SWEETIE? I’m not a SWEETIE!”

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I wore earrings today, which is pretty rare. Several of the kids told me I looked pretty with them on. K., age 5, told me, “You look like a fashion model, even if you are Miss Paula.”

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We had meatballs for lunch today, and S., age 4, asked if they came from an animal. I told her yes, it was from a turkey. Her eyes got really big, and she said, “They poop it out?!?!” Even although I explained, she never did eat any more meatballs.

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S.’s all time best answer when I ask her to do something? “Yes, your highness”. It would just be cute, except she pronounces it “your hiniest.”

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We were walking back from the bus stop one day, and K., age 4, kept falling behind us. I tried several ways to get her to catch up with us, and finally, I looked at her and asked, “Where are your fast feet, K.?” She stopped dead in her tracks, and pointed to her (now very still) feet, and said, “Right there!”

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I told the kids that we were having Winnie the Pooh animal crackers for snack. A minute later, K., age 4, walked into the kitchen singing, “Poo crackers! Poo crackers!”

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At breakfast, I offered to pour milk in the children’s bowls of cereal. No-one wanted any, so I offered water… juice… pepsi… frog juice… still no takers. Then A., age 5, piped up, “Who wants wine?”

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This morning H., age 5, told me, “Daddy got Monopoly for me, because life is hard for me.” I was a little surprised that his life was hard, until I realized he meant the game, Life, was too hard.

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At the bus stop this afternoon, K., age 4, had her thumb in her mouth. S., also 4, thought she’d help out, and told K., “You’re not a baby, take your bum out of your mouf.” If only she could pronounce the “th” sound, it wouldn’t have been nearly so funny.