A witty writer is being sought to make Apple's voice-activated personal assistant software Siri spout super-scintillating backchat. The chatty iOS app, which attempts to answer any questions and obey commands spoken into Cupertino's latest iThings, is famous for its whimsical responses to fanbois.
Siri screenshots, screengrab …

Hire a Brit

Re: Hire a Brit

And we can teach the Yanks the meaning of self deprecating humour, not to mention correct spelling and use of words in the English language. Educating Americans should be a priority and Siri would be a most useful tool.

Re: Hire a Brit

Americans do understand spelling, they have dictionaries and everything. Unfortunately for them, we changed quite a few spellings since the split to make them more trendy and European so now there are lots of people who mistakenly think Americans changed the spellings to make them easier. Even worse, in this Internet generation most can't be bothered to check the history because it's easier to assume the dumb yanks did it.

Re: Idiot troll

Noah Webster farted around with the language because he realised most Americans were too stupid to learn how to spell. He made a royal mess of it which introduced much more confusion and stupidity than it could ever have hoped to solve.

Re: Idiot troll

Ah the irony. Yes I probably was wrong, but in citing Wikipedia you've pretty much agreed with Webster that simplifying for the masses is the right way to go, and that quality should be an afterthought. Wikipedia is also causing more confusion and stupidity than it has solved :)

I'm sorry Bwarry...

Tie the Personality to the Voice

Voice is such an important part of the way personality is going to come across in this. Apple should hire a writer for each voice. While they are doing this, they should also get Brian Blessed to do a new voice for the service.

Re: Does this relate to...

Pity they can't get some of the obvious ones...

... like the cast of the Carol Burnett show.

Or maybe Stephen Moore:

"Find me a restaurant."

"Find you a restaurant? You want me to find you a restaurant? It's not like I eat or anything. Should I find you one like the last time, or do you want to give your cardiologist a rest? No matter, you won't like what I suggest. Did you get that new cover I suggested? No, and now I have this terrible scratch all down my right side..."

Re: Voice of the balls

"Brain the size of a planet and you're using me to ask about the weather. Windows were invented for a reason you know. Next you'll be asking me when you should breathe in and out. Humans seem so pointless sometimes."

Re: Voice of the balls

> I wish we could change the voice in the UK, I don't want the male lottery voice talking to me,

> I want that American girl (even though I am a Brit).

>Why can't we choose which voice Siri uses?

You can. Just go into Settings -> General -> Siri -> Language, and change it to English (United States).

When I first got my iPad, Siri defaulted to the Male lottery voice too since I set the tablet up for UK English. Changing the language for Siri lets her speak American English and reverts her to the female voice even though the rest of the tablet still works in British English. Though, the recognition accuracy would then be debatable.

I'm sorry, I do not understand [insert phrase here]

Witty responses my ass. I would be more impressed if I could get the bloody thing to ring my brother to let him know I was just leaving now and would be there in five or ten minutes. After persisting on one or two occasions my eventual phone call has consisted of "I'm just pulling into your street now". Needless to say I have given up trying and have now chosen the option of "click, slide, select, scroll, select & select" which usually takes me the length of time it takes to walk down my path. I know my Belfast accent probably has a lot to do with it, and sometimes I end up getting results speaking in a posh English accent or worse... an American accent, but emmm... no, just ......no.

Re: I'm sorry, I do not understand [insert phrase here]

As someone else cursed blessed with a "Norn Iron" accent, I've never managed to get Siri to understand me either. Why not do what I do —to let the missus know I'm leaving work and it's time to put the dinner on. Go under:

Now that's funny in a peculiar way. How many were within dragging distance? Did Siri recommend using a wheelbarrow or perhaps something to weigh the body down so it doesn't bob like a cork in the swamp or lake after a few days?

Siri still has a long way to go.

She gets Monty Python references, as evidenced by what happens if you ask her the airspeed velocity of a swallow, but nada on Blade Runner references. I told her "You look down and see a tortoise. It's crawling toward you. You reach down and you flip the tortoise over on its back, Siri" and she abjectly failed to ask me what a tortoise was OR shoot me.