Thanksgiving Fixin’s 34

#34

Amended disclaimer: the character of Spike and any of his recognisable dialogue belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox. I just like to toss him in among the mix, no financial gains and all the rest of it to prove my continued innocence.

“Sookie luv, is this pizza any good?” Spike asked into the fridge knowing she was approaching by the delicate and telling scent that grew stronger with the approach.

“Lemme see?” a far more masculine voice than he expected answered. “Spike, right?”

The vampire in question gave a curious nod to the man who only stood an inch or so above him in height. Again, like his sister, Sookie, there was no trepidation or anxiety caused by his presence and that was including the fact that he looked part-alien with the foils Pam had carefully placed in his hair to get her perfect shades of hair colouring. “You the brother?”

“Yep, Jason Stackhouse,” he returned with a warm smile and an outreached hand. Spike shook it, still somewhat limp, but with noticing Jason’s firmer grasp he became more assured as he looked deeply into Jason’s kind eyes. They continued to shake for far longer than was necessary as Jason became momentarily lost in deep blue eyes, similar to those of a vampire Sheriff who continued to haunt him in his private dreams. “I brought your blood and Weetabix,” Jason offered with a slight stutter when both finally let go of one another awkwardly leaving him to sport a blush and a shy smile.

“Thanks, mate,” Spike grinned, pleased with the knowledge that he seemed to be having a similar effect on all the Stackhouses, Although he had been forced to admit that Sookie was just extremely polite and the mere sight of her drinking in Eric had removed any notion that he could lure her away; didn’t mean he wouldn’t constantly try for the mere pleasure of annoying the giant Viking. Knowing how possessive Eric was over anything considered his, it wouldn’t harm to chase a little after the brother-in-law. “So whas’ the verdict then?” he asked holding the lid of the pizza box open.

While Jason carried a very serious and discerning look, Spike couldn’t help but chuckle at the child-like concentration with which he took to examining each and every single slice. “Some kind of expert then?” the vampire jested.

“Well, you see how it’s dried up here at the edges,” Jason returned with all seriousness pointing at the evidence in front of him. “The curvature of the point shows it’s at least two days old.”

“I was only joking, sweets,” Spike chuckled. “Din’t know you held a PhD in the subject.”

“There’s no joking about pizza forensics,” Jason argued with knitted brows before taking a bite and moaned his approval with his face still lowered into the box.

“Lover of sausage then?” Spike taunted with a cocked brow.

“Fuckin’ love the stuff,” Jason grinned up to the vampire, only then catching the lascivious look cast down his way. The pizza box was held at Spike’s waist and when he moved it away, Jason was left in quite the compromising position in front of Spike’s crotch which was held in a very tight pair of jeans.

“Good to know, pet,” Spike grinned when Jason nervously stammered something about pepperoni only and that dreams didn’t mean a thing while he got up with near-preternatural speeds to be as far away from Spike and his advances as possible. “Save me a dance later on tonight, yeah?” he winked causing Jason to gulp audibly. “You know you want to dance,” the vampire finished off with a suggestive swivel of his hips.

“Spike, leave my brother alone,” Sookie admonished as she entered the kitchen area. Having the vampire around for one night had made it clear enough to Sookie their latest houseguest was just another overgrown child who needed to be kept in line. When giving back as good as he got Spike was quite amicable and helpful. “Now eat your damn cereal.”

“Yes ma’am,” Spike drawled in a poorly-held Southern accent, though submissive in tone while his eyes continued to rake over Jason’s impressive physique.

“I mean it, Spike,” Sookie warned. “I can only deal with one eternal child at a time.”

“Pammy giving you a hard time, luv?”

“Me and everybody else with a pulse,” she groaned while shoving him a bowl and a spoon in exasperation. “Scratch that, no pulse necessary. Walking and talking will suffice.”

“Things not working out with them dresses?”

“Understatement of the year,” Sookie sighed. “They all fit perfectly, but she’s decided she hates them all.”

“Lemme talk to her,” Jason offered, pleased with a prospect that didn’t leave him alone in the vicinity of Spike.

“Got a masters in frigid bitches too then, pet?”

“Actually it’s not a bad idea,” Sookie encouraged before Spike’s taunting would set to make Jason more uncomfortable in her own home. “Go ahead, Jase.”

“You and your brother have some inheritance you wan` to cut him out of, sweets?” Spike asked between bites of his bloody cereal. “She’ll shred Captain Chisel Chest to bits.”

“You almost seem like you care, Spike,” Sookie teased back having established the cracks in his foundations rather easily. He was probably the easiest loving vampire she had come across.

“Take that back!” he huffed with indignation. “Evil here!”

“Whatever you say,” she snorted, instantly diminishing the acknowledgement. “Don’t worry. Jason can get any female of any species to bend to his ways. Sometimes I think it’s his faery gift.”

“This I got t` see,” Spike said, excitedly chasing after Jason before tossing his bowl in the direction of the sink. In his haste; however, the bowl upturned over the countertop staining it with the pig’s blood.

“Men,” Sookie grumbled before setting off to clean the mess he and Jason left behind.

“Willa, you alrigh`, luv?” Spike questioned sincerely when he found her whimpering bloody tears in the hallway by Pam’s rooms. She could barely stammer out a cohesive reply while he took her and little Eva in his arms who Willa was desperately trying to keep calm. Spike thought her to be such a sweet girl who wasn’t all that cut out to be in the continued presence of Pam. “`Parently Jason over there is the pussy whisperer; it’ll all be over soon, luv.”

“Only twelve more hours,” she nodded coming to some sort of calm with that thought.

“Then you an` me are gonna dance the night away,” he smiled while caressing her cheek. “Lemme look after Eva and my mingin` cousin a bit. Get some rest now.”

“Ok,” she whispered as the child seemed happy and content to be in his presence. “But what about Eva? If she gets upset-”

“Off with ya now,” he admonished good humouredly. “I have a pussy whisperer t` see.”

As soon as she sped off, Spike stealthily snuck into the room that found a pile of dresses ripped to shreds, a Maker with his hands in his hair, and a colourful maid of honour desperately trying to piece the dresses back together while the designer and his team of seamstresses cowered in a corner together.

“Now was the matter with this one?” Jason asked calmly and, to Spike’s great surprise, Pam didn’t rip him apart to the last bloody drop despite his patronising tone. When she was about to list a rather lengthy list of every minute detail that was wrong with the last two dresses that were still hanging in one piece Jason interrupted her, and she surprisingly held her otherwise sharp tongue. “Think Niall cares about the dress?”

“Of course he does!” she huffed. “I’m his bride, I have to act the part.”

“Thas’ where you’re wrong, cher,” Jason offered kindly. “He’s marrying the woman, not the dress. An` it’s no act. Can’t even `member the dress Brigette wore. Just remember the giant smile she wore for me. She could ‘ave been wearing a garbage bag for all I cared, in that moment she was the most beautiful thing I ever saw.”

“You pick then,” Pam spoke in exasperation while she sank into a chair signalling her defeat. “I don’t want to care about this anymore.”

Jason eyed the two remaining options, fingers tracing through the fine materials and elaborate details. He’d seen enough dresses on women to know that these things only detracted from the being underneath. He frowned slightly, knowing that either choice would be fine, but would do little to really enhance Pam’s beauty or make her happy in the process. The designer sweated profusely and appeared to be near fainting with the tension in the air.

“What about this one?” Jason asked as he suddenly eyed a simpler dress through a garment bag at the back.

“No, no,” the heavily accented voice of the designer instantly interjected. “That is a fitting dress, nothing more. It is not up to the standards of Ms. de Beaufort.”

“Lemme see,” Jason demanded and a mere look from Pam had the designer swallowing his objections immediately.

“The hems-” the designer tried to apologise for the unfinished appearance.

“I’m sure can be fixed by that team of seamstresses,” Jason finished at which the designer agreed with a curt nod. He wasn’t happy about where this was headed, there was little design work in the simple dress and the PR value of the entire operation would be lost to his brand. “Try it on then, Pam.”

Reluctantly the vampiress did as she was told while she was helped into the simple dress by the seamstresses who immediately set to pin it in place. Without any beaded decorations or scalloped edges, it was a simple sheath, white satin dress that fit like a glove with modest cap sleeves. It was something Pam wouldn’t typically gravitate towards, but when she took in her appearance in the large mirror it felt right. The faces behind her all looked hopeful with the notion that this might finally be it, all except Jason who merely sported a knowing and triumphant look as he recognised the face of a woman who was truly content with the image reflected back her way.

“It’s perfect,” she whispered to a chorus of sighs of relief and, to add to the excitement, Pinnie clapped her hands excitedly on the floor giving her seal of approval. Pam smiled brightly at the excitement of her daughter and knew her father would carry an equal amount of glee.

“No longer acting the part of the bride, truly are one now,” Jason complimented to which Pam smiled widely. “Make sure to accessorise it with that smile,” he continued. “It’s what this day’s about. That, and the knockers look good too.”

With that Pam laughed heartily, falling into a hysteric fit, relieving the room of its tense atmosphere while Sookie snuck back in the room to sit on Eric’s lap.

“You look beautiful, Pam,” Sookie acknowledged, equally pleased with the simplicity of the final choice.

“I do, don’t I?” she stated with satisfaction before she fell into her usual business mode again and started rambling off her demands to the seamstresses who meekly nodded in compliance to her every wish. “Spike!” Pam shrieked suddenly when she saw Eva attempt to touch the foils still in his hair.

“You promised me I wouldn’t look like Peaches or that Civil War shit!”

“That was before you decided to ruin my good work by ignoring my instructions!”

“Yeah, well, I was peckish,” he returned sheepishly. “There has to be another way.”

Pam merely crossed her arms before giving the child in his arms a pointed glance.

“Bloody hell,” he whined before resigning to his fate. “Eva, kitten, do Uncle Spikey a solid and zap him, will ya?”

With that, the most malicious little smile Spike had ever witnessed in his entire existence appeared.

A/N: I’m glad to hear from the responses to the last chapter that Spike came in as authentic, he’s fun to write among this crazy commune of vampires, fairies, part demons and let’s not forget pussy whisperers. I hoped to have the epilogue wrapped up before Thanksgiving but it appears to be a little longer than anticipated, I really shouldn’t be surprised considering how this story has continued to grow so settle in in the meanwhile. Seeing that you all enjoyed Pam and her spaghetti wig so much here is Pinnie and hers….

Special thanks to msbuffy for her continued dedication with her betaing skills on this.

I imagine Pinnie as a blonde but finding a cute baby randomly covered in spaghetti made it an easy choice 😉 Glad to hear you’re enjoying the continued epilogue, I might just have to fess up and call it an outtake instead, or whatever, it works even if it is a bit of an organisational mess…

Spike may regret saying that to Eva. Glad Jason was able to calm Pam down with his words of wisdom. These fixins have taken on a life of their own. The story is just as much fun as your regular stories.

I may have snorted when Spike asked Jason if he was a sausage lover. LOL! This story continues to be so fun. I don’t know Spike from Buffy(?) but I like him in this. I hope his hair comes out alright! Does he eat pig’s blood and cereal on the show? Glad the pussy whisperer worked his magic!

Yep Spike’s from Buffy, a show we can assume CH borrowed heavily from for the SVM books. Eric was clearly modeled after Spike with the facial gestures and leering remarks and slightly infantile undertones. He’s a very fun character, his hair…. well it doesn’t bode so well for him…. The vampire lore was different on Buffy although Spike was more unusual than most so when forced to eat Pig’s blood he would sprinkle Weetabix (because he’s British, he had a heavy Cockney accent) into it for texture. He also liked spicy chicken wings and blooming onions… Isn’t Jason the best? I think I need to make him the ‘Pussy Whisperer’ in all my stories from now on 🙂

Assume? I think you meant to say knowingly hacked. See, as your beta I can clearly see that this was a typo and must be fixed. It’s Buffy with sex that only sends you to Hell when you’re supposed to be there.

LOL are you fact checking too now, I like the description although it does sound rather twilighty with the damming sex… Now that I think about it Buffy was far kinkier than TB but we never really saw much from it…

Just what the hell is a beta? I see that word and I think of the little blue or red fish that has to be in a bowl by itself because it will kill any other fish… so how do they mate & make more pretty colorful little fish? We had a bunch of them! They don’t live long. I prefer editor. I know that means, and there’s no fish connotation. It’s like the lemon thing…

All that just boggles my already addled, now joined by Robitussin nighttime cough syrup. I’ve had shots of cheap rot-gut tequila that didn’t taste as bad.

I just associate it with programming, which I assume the term is borrowed from, where dedicated users give feedback and signal mistakes but I shall call you my editor from now one… although no capitals on that because I am definitely not conceited enough to start capitalising the word writer along with that or even worse author.

You know I had to look up what the lemon/zesty business was when I just started reading fanfiction and finding out it has something to do with a specific anime thing made me even more annoyed with the terminology. SEX. There I wrote it, it really isn’t that scary and if you’re reading and writing about it, you better own up to it. Lemons are for tea, cold drinks and seafood. None of which I want near the aforementioned.

You’ve never seen Buffy? It’s on FX pretty much all the time. You have to see the movie first though. They’re both ridiculously funny & campy, and clearly someone in Arkansas was watching a bit too closely.

Lovivg this with all my heart!
Spike and Jason LOL!
Spike and his Weetabix!
Jason the “pussy whisperer” LOL
And now Spike doesn’t imagine what Eva could do to him right!?
I’m waiting anxiously for more…

Jason always surprised me with his somewhat intelligent insight on the show, it was always very left field but that made it all the more extraordinary somehow… Eva is quite the crowd pleaser but I’m sure the other kids will come into their own soon 😉

I was in hysterics over ‘the pussy whisperer’ – glad to know Jason has some uses! I know I was fibro fogged out last winter but I didn’t realise there was any of this I hadn’t read! I never watched Buffy at all so now I’m just really, really curious about Spike! I think I’ll have to check out the film now!