I was out hunting mushrooms early one morning with my gunny sack and
flashlight as is my wont when good mushrooms sprout like little penises. They
go good with a fine steak, provided you know where to look for them and I do
because my grandfather took me out in the woods many years ago and showed me
his secret spot. Hes dead now as is my father but the mushrooms are
always there. On the way, however, I stopped under a bridge to relieve myself
and found I had company, a gnome with a bulbous nose and a severe case of
rosacea leaning up against the abutment and rolling a joint.

Howdy, he said, his little triangular hat almost falling
off his head.

Howdy, I said, affable fellow that I am.

Then he said, You look like an intelligent gentleman. Maybe you
can answer a question no other mushroom hunter has been able to answer all the
years Ive waited for them under this bridge.

Not wanting to insult the only gnome I had ever met, I told him
Id try to answer his question.

He seemed very happy to hear me say that, took a deep breath and then
said, What two people have the same DNA even though no one in the world
wants to debate this issue with me, maybe because they think Im short on
facts, no pun intended?

Well, Im no genius but I know that ones DNA is like
ones fingerprints--singular to that person. No two people share the same
fingerprints or DNA. So thats what I said to the gnome.

No two people have the same DNA. Scientists proved that a long
time ago. Science is always right."

Youre as dumb as the rest of them, the gnome
replied, taking a long drag on his joint and throwing his free hand in the air
with obvious exasperation. His little hat almost fell off.

If Im wrong, I said, "tell me what two people have
the same DNA.

He took another long drag, jumped up, did a little dance and shouted
in a high-pitched voice, Why Jesus and Mary, of course. But you
cant test them because theyre in heaven now waiting for the rest of
us.

I thanked him for his insight, picked up my gunny sack and headed for
the mushroom patch, looking behind me all the way to make certain the gnome
wasnt following me. He wasnt. Apparently he chose to stay under the
bridge, rolling a joint and waiting for the next mushroom hunter to take his
little quiz.