Some of the ways I was feeling like a bad mother

To combat my useless but incessant feelings of failure as a mom, I decided to write down some of the ways I ‘failed’… and what eventually happened. As you’ll see, the results aren’t always as dire as we make it out to be.

Mom Fail #1: I was late picking up my son from school.

We had a huge project at work, the kind where you’re sitting in a meeting with the CEO. During my mad dash to my son’s school, I worried about what he’d would think. How worried he must be, and maybe even sad that I didn’t pick him up on time.

The result: My son was just so glad to see me. He didn’t scold me for picking him up late. His teacher did say he cried and got nervous when he noticed his routine was off, but the minute we locked eyes, he was fine. I told myself that this was such a rare circumstance, too. All the other times I picked him up on time more than outweighs the one or two times I’ve picked him up late.

Mom Fail #2: I stressed out about cooking dinner on time.

The ‘witching hours’ can be some of the most stressful in any household. Your kids are cranky and tired from the events of the day. They’re wired. And they need to let loose at home. Meanwhile, that’s also the time when most families prepare dinner.

I’m better about prepping ingredients the night before, but on this particular day, I didn’t. And the recipe wasn’t easy, not the kind you throw in the oven or in a pot of soup and walk away. I was scrambling all over the kitchen, stressing about having the food ready by five o’clock, our regular dinner time.

Of course, it’s also this time that the kids needed this and that. Or they’d fight about something and need your help in resolving the conflict. Rushing to get dinner at the table with three kids underfoot, all without any preparation the night before became a challenge.

The result: I eventually finished the dinner, even if it wasn’t on time (no one but me noticed). And my three kids and I got to hang out in the kitchen. Sure, they’d need my help or held my cooking back, but in hindsight, I felt accomplished for being able to cook from scratch with all three around.

Mom Fail #3: I told my son ‘no’ when he asked to read.

I have a rule that if my kids ask to read, I would stop what I’m doing to do just that. Even if I was in the middle of a task, I would still read at least one book. I want to instill the message that reading is so important, it’s worth putting other things on hold.

Except there are times when it doesn’t work out. Sometimes I have a good excuse, like I’m sauteing something crazy in the kitchen and can’t spare even a minute away from the stove. Other times, thankfully rare, I’m just flat out not in the mood.

So one of the times I felt like I failed was when I didn’t read to my eldest when he asked me to. I don’t even remember why I had said no on this particular day—maybe I was doing something important, or it could be that I just didn’t feel like it. Either way, I felt terrible for turning him down.

The result: He didn’t mind at all and instead read the book on his own. And like every night, I was able to read to my kids for a long time. Not sure if this ‘made up’ for my earlier flub, but I felt better that at least we were able to still do our regular reading.

Mom Fail #4: I yelled at my kids.

Few things make me feel like I’ve failed my kids than when I lose my temper. In one such situation, I got upset at one of my twins when it seemed like he hit his brother for no reason (there’s always a reason!). On another occasion, I yelled when they got picky about their food. And I’ve heaved plenty of sighs over something as petty as when they’re whining.

The thing with temper is that it’s so reactive. It’s so easy to boil inside and raise your voice, thinking that just because you’re the parent, you have authority to do that. Parents are yelling at their kids more, especially with damaging statements that belittle or attack the child’s character.

And so when I yelled at my kids (thankfully not the belittling kind), I can’t help but feel awful, often within seconds of getting upset. And despite knowing everyone yells and that I hardly yell at my kids, I still feel like I failed them for raising my voice.

Conclusion

These admissions aren’t meant as a cop out or an excuse to get a pass with parenting. Just because my son was okay with me picking him up late doesn’t mean I should make that a regular thing, for instance. Instead, I write posts like these for the times when I feel like I haven’t measured up. To remind myself that I put way more pressure on myself than my kids will ever do.

Your turn: When have you felt like you failed as a mom? And how did it eventually turn out? Let me know in the comments!

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I think we’re allowed to make a few mistakes because we aren’t perfect. As long as our kids understand that they’re loved, it all that matters! I felt terribly guilty about being late for school pick-up (by 15 minutes), but my son was fine!

Awww, Nina. We’ve all had our parenting ‘fails’. All you can do is the best you’re able to in the moment. Plus, I think it’s important for kids to see their parents fail and then pick themselves up and do right afterward…especially when it comes to accidentally doing something wrong. Apologies are powerful from the people we look up to.

You speak wise words, Leslie! I have to remind myself of that too: that we do our best with what we have in that moment. And yes, great reminder that seeing parents fail and bounce back is more important than putting on a perfect facade.

When we lived in a town home, we didn’t have our own yard, so when the kids wanted to go out to play, I had to go with them. One time I was working–with a deadline, so when they asked to go outside, I told them to watch a movie instead. That one still haunts me, even though I didn’t have much choice at the time. I’ve since quit that job. That was about the last straw that sent me over the edge.

I have mixed up pick-up times and it is really hard to get healthy meals ready on time consistently – at least for me! And yes, I get frustrated when I should stay patient and I have probably turned down a reading opportunity for selfish reasons. We all make mistakes. Thankfully children are very gracious about accepting heartfelt apologies.

I’ve definitely felt it when dropping Scarlet off to school late.. or definitely with yelling. I always thought I’d never yell, but sometimes it just happens. Not being in the mood for reading is sadly not so rare for me, but I will generally drop everything to do it just like you.

Absolutely! I don’t think there is a mother on earth that hasn’t felt like she has failed in one area or another. What is great, is that we are human, and our children need to know that we make mistakes too and the power of forgiveness is granted to all.

These aren’t examples of failing at all, girl! They’re totally normal in my house. One day, I was late picking up O by like 45 min. I felt terrible. Or that time I lost J at Target. The husband was madder than anyone.

I remember that when I was in grade school. my mom would always pick us up late. Like ALWAYS and sometimes our uncle would be tasked to pick us up. My brother and I would always be among the last few people to leave school when it’s already dark. We didn’t think of it as a failure though. Instead we used the extra time to play with our friends. When my husband told me last week that he was late in picking up Reiko from school, I was just so worried. I think we parents really do put too much pressure on ourselves. 🙂

I remember getting picked up late a few times, at different schools as well. I did kind of feel bad when all the other kids were already going home, yet I’d stand outside still waiting (I was already in my tweens at this point). At least my kiddo is in an after school care program though and not just hanging out by himself.

I’ve done all of those. The one that makes me feel guilty the most is yelling at my kids before getting the whole story. At least twice that I can think of, I yelled at my son for something it turns out he didn’t do. In fact, not only was he completely innocent, he was trying to do a good thing and I caught him at just the wrong moment. It reminds me to take a deep breath before reacting to any situation!

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