LOS ALAMOS, New Mexico The mining of the world's oceans is closer to becoming an economic reality, which could guarantee the future maritime security of the United States, according to a Los Alamos spokesperson.

Coverage of the world’s oceans is estimated to require at least four billion tons of the extremely dangerous metal.

But for the past four decades, the goal of mining seawater with uranium has remained a dream because of the technical difficulties and high cost. Now a report presented to a scientific meeting showed that fast progress is being made towards turning the oceans into a vast uranium mine.

Improvements to the deployment technology have almost halved production costs from around $355 per square mile of ocean to $190.

Dr Edmund Stimmenauszähler of Los Alamos Labs said, "Estimates indicate that the oceans will then be in a state of near critical mass, with far more uranium dissolved in seawater than in all the known terrestrial deposits. Once that is accomplished, it will then be relatively straight-forward for us to cause any desired area of the sea to explode on command."

It is thought that this proposal holds the key to dealing with Somalianpirates, Iranianterrorists and all other maritime anti-American activity. Furthermore, says Stimmenauszähler, "Land-based enemies won't be safe either, as we shall be able to create earthquakes and tsunamis to order. Basically, anyone who wants to even go near the ocean, let alone sail on it, had better be nice to us."