SearchThe Archives

ExploreAnswerology

Active Questions

How do you have the dreaded serious conversations with a man?

Married Life / 4:25 PM - Saturday August 29, 2009

How do you have the dreaded serious conversations with a man?

My bf and I have never really needed to have overly serious conversations until recently. He just moved about a month ago and has been super stressed at his job and in his new surroundings. I am trying to be supportive, but he frequently takes his frustrations out on me. Even more, his whole persona has changed, not a lot, but just enough that it is making things harder on the both of us.
I tried to talk to him about it the other day and he just kept being silly and I had to hunt him down to get an answer. We are at a point where I really need to talk to him about his changing behavior and how it's affecting me, because it is causing us to fight. I said something to him in a text, and he texted me a few times after, talking about something totally different. He doesn't seem to have any interest in answering me at all. I know he saw what I said, but it would be nice to have some sort of response.
So how do I bring serious things up to him without a) saying "we need to talk" and b) him ignoring what is going on? I want us to be able to work things out, and I know he doesn't want to talk about stuff, but I just need to let him know my side and I want to know his so that we can get through this.
Any advice on how to get him to listen and actually take part in the conversation?

You need to be more direct with this. Sit him down and say "we need to talk", then make him sit there and do it. If you can't communicate with each other better than you are right now, and make your feelings known when it is necessary, then your relationship is doomed anyway. Communication is the cornerstone of a successful relationship. If he can't do it, then you will find that things will continue to get worse and a breakup will follow anyway.

Why not to say "We need to talk"? It seems that is what you want, and it looks like the best approach. It only means you will tell him how his changes make you feel.
But remember, he has a lot on his plate right now. In only a month it seems that many things changed in his life. It seems that his behaviour is product of the stress.