Burning Questions

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Here is a picture of my face, to prove I'm still alive. It was taken at my sister-in-law's wedding, just eight days after the baby was born. An hour later, I found myself sitting topless behind a filing cabinet in a sweltering catering office, breast pump in one hand, glass of champagne in the other, trying to avoid flashing my in-laws through the window. Motherhood is so glamorous, you guys.

Since then, in case you were wondering, I've chopped all my hair off again, thus definitively answering the 'pixie or bob?' question. At least for now.

I was reading through my blog the other day, as one does, and it seems I have a bad habit of leaving questions unanswered. Fascinating questions, such as which nappy bag did I eventually get? (This one.) Did I ever finish the wee grey hat? (Yes!) Did I ever learn the Marseillaise? (No.) Which coat did I buy? (This one, and I'm very excited about the cold weather returning so that I can throw it on over my leggings-and-baby-dribble uniform and feel vaguely stylish again.) What's the baby's name, for God's sake? (It's Flora, but she's better known in our house as Bumps McGumps. Don't ask.)

Now that I'm on a roll, here are some more fascinating questions about myself that I'm going to answer, lifted from this post by the wonderful Moz. I know you're all sitting there breathlessly anticipating some mundane facts about my life, so here we go.

Question 1: How tall are you?

5'8". Shorter when I'm sitting down.

Question 2: Do you have a hidden talent? If so, what?

My family will mock me for this, since I'm a famously untidy person, but I'm actually a very efficient tidier-up. I can turn a messy room into a reasonably presentable one in the time between someone ringing our buzzer and arriving at our front door (and have done. Often. Just don't look under the couch).

Question 3: What’s your biggest blog-related pet peeve?

There is no excuse for bad grammar.

Question 4: What’s your biggest non-blog-related pet peeve?

THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR BAD GRAMMAR.

Question 5: What’s your favourite song?

It varies. As I have previously confessed, I tend to become fixated on one or two songs and play them to death, then heartlessly move on. Currently getting the listen-to-death treatment: I Will by the Beatles for simplicity and sweetness; It's a Wonderful Life by Black for an 80s-style pep talk at 2am; and Ye Cannae Shove Yer Granny Off a Bus for keeping madam entertained.

HA. Free time, alone? Please. But in theory: sleeping, watching Scandal, showering, in order of preference.

Pre-baby, I've always been a fan of trying on outfits for imaginary events until every item of clothing I own is scattered across the bed and I'm thoroughly sick of the sight of my own face. Fun times.

Question 8: What’s your favourite junk food?

Burger King large cheeseburger meal, no pickles (so they have to make it fresh for me), Diet Coke, preferably drive through so I don't even have to get off my FAT ASS. Yesssssssss.

Question 9: Do you have a pet or pets? If so, what kind and what are their names?

Question 13: If you could only drink one beverage (besides water) for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Question 14: What’s your favourite movie?

It's Beaches. I haven't tried watching it since my mum died, though. I'll probably be ready for that in, oh, twenty years? Or when they invent a bottomless box of tissues, whichever comes first.

Question 15: What were you in high school: prom queen, nerd, cheerleader, jock, valedictorian, band geek, loner, artist, prep?

I was COOL AS BALLS. If by "cool" you mean the kind of person who goes to orchestra camp.

Question 16: If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

Here's the thing: I *could* live anywhere in the world. Nothing's stopping me. So I suppose the answer must be Edinburgh. It is quite lovely. Having said that, there was a listicle doing the rounds recently entitled 53 Reasons Living in Edinburgh Ruins You For Life, and I misread it as 53 Reasons Living in Edinburgh Ruins Your Life. Not sure what that says about Edinburgh, or about me for that matter.

Question 17: PC or Mac?

Question 19: Favourite celebrity?

I was about to complain about the non-specific nature of this question - is it the hottest or the smartest? The one I want to be friends with or the one I want to be? The one whose work I most admire or the one with the best hair? - when I realised that the answer to all of these questions is Amy Poehler. Amy Poehler, Amy Poehler, Amy Poehler.

Question 20: What blogger do you secretly want be best friends with?

Question 21: What do you have hung on your wall that you adore?

A framed picture of Amy Poehler.

Not really.

I made a cloud mobile for Flora with colourful felt ball raindrops which is pretty adorable, but it's hanging from the ceiling so it doesn't count. Failing that, I'm a big fan of this friendly lion who resides on the wall in "her" room (she doesn't sleep in there yet, so it's mainly used for hanging washing and hiding things when people come to visit, as per Question 2).

And since Moz added a question of her own to her list, I'm going to add one of mine, one that I've been asked more times than I can count in the last 13 weeks and never know how to answer.

It's wonderful to hear you and Flora are fine! I totally agree with all your adjectives for new motherhood. Also, thank you for the links on your previous post; I have been thoroughly enjoying them while cuddling my own preemie.

I surely can't be the only person who, on first glance at that sofa pic of you and your beautiful daughter, thought 'that's Chloe Sevigny!' (this btw is meant as a compliment, she is one of my girl crushes. I hope you see it as such too)