Well, after all these years Tina the Lesbian has decided that her usual tactic of calmly and rationally dealing with the Wheatley’s hysterical and misinformed squealings just wasn’t working anymore, and has she decided that perhaps turnabout really is fair play instead of a meaningless cliche.

So there’s a knock at the door of the Wheatley’s house this evening, and Sean and Lucia find Tina on their doorstep.

“Stop trying to kill us!” Tina yells at them.

“Who?” says Sean Wheatley. “Who’s killing who and with what?”

“Pro-Lifers, they’re going to blow us up!” Tina says, really playing up the crazy.

“I don’t think we are,” says Lucia. “Did we miss something in the church bulletin.”

“Don’t act like you don’t know,” says Tina. “Didn’t you see the news about the Christian in New Hampshire who got caught trying to help plan a bombing on an abortion clinic? He called himself the Christian counterpart to Osama bin Laden. Christian Pro-Lifers are coming to murder us!”

“I don’t think the actions of one man should be used to paint a whole group,” says Sean Wheatley.

“Yeah, this seems like an isolated incident,” says Lucia Wheatley.

“What about the Dr. Tiller murder?” says Tina. “Or the Olympic bombing in Atlanta? You know there’s only two groups that have committed terrorism at the Olympic games: Palestinians and Pro-Lifers. Coincidence? There are no coincidences!”

“Oh my God!’ says Sean Wheatley. “You’re right.”

“We’re killers!” says Lucia Wheatley.

“Wait, what?” says Tina, not expecting the Wheatley’s to believe the bullshit she was throwing at them. “No, guys…”

“We’ve been so afraid of Muslims and gays and atheists killing us that we were blind to the truth,” says Sean Wheatley. “It’s like a bad mystery novel where you find out the detective in charge of the case is really the killer.”

I don’t know if it’s more satisfying justice thinking about the Wheatleys learning and accepting they’ve been wrong, or like, going to hell and living forever with the hope that God will set them free.