Daryl Durr, a convicted serial rapist and murderer, was put to death today. Last week, Durr’s attorneys said that according to Durr’s prison medical record, he was allergic to anesthesia. Due to these allergies, they argued he could not be executed by lethal injection because Ohio uses a large dose of anesthesia to execute inmates. They added that if injected, Durr might have a violent allergic reaction causing his blood pressure to drop to dangerous levels, and suffer obstructed breathing causing him to die.

The State’s response was that there was no proof that Durr would have an allergic reaction and die before he was already dead. The worst that could happen would be that he’d die from low blood pressure and impaired breathing before the execution drug killed him. Durr’s appeal was denied, and was injected with the execution drug and suffered no apparent complications or any noticeable adverse reaction other than death.

Ed Hardy douche bag plague claims House Minority leader John Boehner

The French designer of Ed Hardy, Christian Audigier, always dreamed of coming to the United States and shitting on every product in our everyday lives. For, the most part he’s succeeded, as Ed Hardy is on everything from carpet cleaning sprays, incense. tampons and now around John Boehner’s neck. It is being reported that Boehner signed an exclusive contract with Audigier, in which he’ll wear Hardy’s crayola-diarrhea neck apparel in return for a large campaign donation come this fall from Audigier. Is the GOP that desperate for cash? Maybe…. Is Boehner now the official d-bag party representative? Yes, was there ever a doubt?

Volume 1. Ventriloquists and the Dummies that love them

Much like a magician who performs in pitch darkness, a ventriloquist who records an album defies all logic. When these albums were first released it caused a major backlash within the ventriloquist community. Many ventriloquists, (aka “Manipulators”) vehemently opposed having their work recorded, fearing their reputations as skilled performers would be tarnished. I think they would’ve seen it differently had they known how kick ass these album covers were going to be.

President to move Christmas to 1/8/10- cites decline in consumer spending

Obama speaking to members of the Change Christmas Coalition (CCC) earlier this morning.

Washington D.C. – President Obama met with members of the National Holiday Committee earlier today to allegedly discuss the official postponing of Christmas this year until January 8, 2010. The President, and many of his chief financial advisors, feel that the two week delay should provide the economy with a much needed jolt heading into the new year. The theory is that by allowing those Americans who are still employed to collect another paycheck, they would spend more on gifts for the holidays. This would in effect, extend the holiday shopping season well into next month.

Given the controversial nature of such a decision its understandable why the President had been trying to keep the plans a secret. Especially, when you consider that Obama would be the first President to ever request a delay of a national Holiday. The President has reportedly made it clear that all he wants to do is delay the gift-exchange portion of the holiday, and not Jesus Christ’s birthday. However, news of the possible Christmas move is already rubbing some Americans the wrong way.

As expected, FoxNews has devoted a lot of coverage to Obama's plans to change Christmas.

Most of the President’s opposition is bound by the common idea of not wanting government to intervene into their religious and festival affairs, especially on the day of their savior’s birth. “This is unconstitutional and down right offensive, the government has no power to reschedule Jesus’ birthday like that,” said James Tooker, a concerned citizen at an Pro-Xmas rally. He later added, “I mean, if Jesus and his buddies needed a couple extra bucks, you know… I don’t think he’d ask Obama to move his birthday two weeks.” Another pro-Xmas supporter present at the rally was Gail Stevens, who was holding up a sign that read- MOVIN’ X-MAS IS UNCONSTITUTIONAL. When she was asked to point to the exact clause in the Constitution where it is stated that Obama cannot move Christmas, the woman declared, “you want a specific clause huh?… how ’bout Santa Clause — I don’t think his name having the word clause in it is any coincidence.” The movement to keep Christmas unchanged seems to be gaining momentum as FoxNews announced today that it will be organizing numerous “grassroots” pro-Xmas protesting events in the upcoming weeks. Read more of this post

Obama: VP’s accidents have saved or created 29 jobs in the medical and auto-body repair industry

Why does Biden's motorcade have a deep seated hatred of pedestrians?

Biden's motorcade en-route to a fund raiser in Albuquerque.

NEW YORK CITY, NY – Earlier today, President Obama finally responded to the public outcry of concerned citizens everywhere by officially declaring that VP Biden’s motorcade poses a threat to national security. So does any other vehicle, motorcycle, or Rascal Scooter even remotely associated with Biden. President Obama stated that all of Biden’s upcoming engagements for the next eight days have been canceled or rescheduled, and that the VP will be prohibited from using any official motorcades until further notice.

The media was expecting an official statement from Biden himself on the rumors, but he was noticeably absent from the impromptu press conference. But, Obama reassured Americans that, “the carnage Biden’s motorcade has left in its wake is very unfortunate. And I want to take this opportunity to make it very clear that the United States government is not in the business of injuring or killing its citizens by having Biden’s motorcade crash into them and their cars.” The President then added, “I always try to look at the brighter side of things, and according to initial figures, it looks like 29 jobs were saved or created because of Biden’s accidents. We are projecting that when its all said and done with, Biden’s accidents will have saved or created a total of 104 jobs. Granted, most of those jobs will be in the medical and auto-body repair industries, but they are jobs nonetheless.”

Biden's chauffeur doesn't believe in stopping for pedestrians.

The President’s declaration follows news that for the fourth time in eight days, vehicles associated with Biden have been involved in an injury-causing accident. One of the more publicized of Biden’s crashes occured on Tuesday evening. when an unmarked police car helping to escort the VP to a taping of The Daily Show in Manhattan, collided with a delivery cab.

Oprah: “Palin left me with no hope for humanity.”

A frustrated Oprah seen here after wrapping her interview with Palin.

CHICAGO IL. — Oprah Winfrey’s legendary television talk show run will be coming to an end after 25 seasons on the air, her production company reported today. According to the Chicago-based Harpo Productions Inc., Winfrey is planning to announce the final date for The Oprah Winfrey Show on a live broadcast on Friday. The reason for her abrupt announcement – Sarah Palin.

It has been rumored that Winfrey has long thought Palin’s popularity was unwarranted because of the former governor’s questionable career decisions and insatiable thirst for the limelight. These feelings were evident to anyone who watched her recent interview of Palin. Those close to Oprah said she was visibly distraught after the interview and was overheard saying that America’s blind adoration with Palin made her believe she failed at her life’s work of empowering and educating women.

Winfrey has not tried to hide her political beliefs as she openly campaigned for President Obama during last year’s election and was even seen weeping on election night during his victory speech in Chicago’s Grant Park. However, many say her feelings on Palin go way beyond party politics, as one of the show’s producer’s claims that she believes Palin’s success is a clear indication that America is doomed and is too forgone to help. The anonymous producer said the Palin interview just proved to Winfrey that while she may have succeeded in raising the self-esteem of women everywhere, she clearly failed in “empowering women to get educated enough not to fall for the smoke and mirrors of a two-bit, propaganda spewing demagogue like Palin.”

Oprah is reportedly going to seeking counseling from Dr. Phill in the very near future.

Court decides Beck can’t ‘rape and kill’ domain name

The master and his apprentice.

The alleged victim of a rape and murder in 1990 can now breathe a sigh of relief knowing those seeking justice on her behalf will not be silenced by the likes of Glenn Beck any time soon. That’s because the FoxNews show host, and rumored suspect, Glenn Beck lost his lawsuit against Isaac Eiland-Hall over the domain name of his site – glennbeckrapedand murderedayounggirlin1990.com. This decision has made it safe again to ask the question at the heart of the controversy- Did Glenn Beck rape and kill a woman in 1990? And, if he didn’t why hasn’t he denied the allegations?

Due to Beck’s silence on the issue, concerned Americans are no closer to answering the question today than when the story broke back in the beginning of September. The site in question was created almost immediately after news of Beck’s possible involvement in the 1990 rape became public. The site has become the headquarters for concerned citizens devoted to discovering the truth behind the vicious rumor that Glenn Beck raped and killed a woman in 1990. Although Beck has not publicly addressed the allegations, he clearly wants these rumors to go away as evidenced by his botched attempted cover up, which was debunked right here on UnreasonablySafe.com.

The decision is a significant win for not only vaginal rights advocates, but also for freedom of speech lovers too. Because had the ruling gone in Beck’s favor, it would’ve surely discouraged the public from investigating more unsolved 1990 Glenn Beck rape and murder cases. Although, the court remained silent on the actual rumor itself, its ruling clearly leaves the door wide open for further questioning of Beck’s supposed innocence. Some have even suggested that based on Swiss customs, the court’s silence actually means that it is interested in hearing Beck’s side of the story and he should promptly confirm or deny the allegations in a very detailed affidavit. Others were less sympathetic, one anonymous observer of the Beck case said, “regardless whether WIPO is in Switzerland or not- the fact is we let him walk out of that courtroom without handcuffs. I mean and we had him in our midst and we let him walk right out the front door- we should have busted him for rape and murder and asked questions last. It’s likely that the poor woman in 1990 would have wanted it that way- because I’m pretty sure he didn’t ask for permission before he raped her and killed her.”

Surprisingly, Beck’s supporters have joined his detractors in openly criticizing him and his lawsuit for being deceptively hypocritical. Many cite his characterization of the freedom of speech as, “our most precious right” and people’s ability to speak out as “the supposed watchdog of our Republic.” Beck seems to think the First Amendment only applies when he’s the one hurling offensive insults and allegations, and not when he becomes the target of allegations. Because, while Beck was claiming his freedom of speech protected his brand of incendiary rhetoric from White House criticism of FoxNews, he was simultaneously trying to prevent others from exercising their right to speak out against him. Read more of this post

FoxNews claiming Obama’s newly planted tree will lead to communism

Headline on FoxNews.com yesterday: "Timebomb Tree"

WASHINGTON D.C. – Last week President Obama planted a tree in the White House North Lawn. The tree planting ceremony lasted all of five minutes and was sparsely covered, if at all, by the mainstream media. In fact, there was no more than ten reporters in attendance.

Yet the same ceremony that barely registered not even so much as a blip on other news casts, has been exhaustively covered for five consecutive days by the only network brave and honest enough to report the truth- FoxNews. Much of FoxNews’ coverage has focused on claims that the tree would lead to the spread of communism, and on questions surrounding Obama’s choice of wardrobe and gardening tools.

T.R.E.E. = The Reality is Everything Ending

Last Thursday FoxNews’ Glenn Beck devoted his entire program to showing viewers just how the tree would lead to communism. Beck warned- “America, you need to wake up and realize whats going on here, its no coincidence the type of tree Obama planted is the same as the one Stalin planted during his first year as leader of the Soviet Union.” Beck added, “it really began to come together for me when I noticed the President was really concerned with how evenly the soil was distributed. Its like I’ve been telling you all along- you have to read between the lines!”

FoxNews claims Obama's shovels refused to grant them an interview.

Beck later went on to draw the tree on his famous chalkboard and labeled each of the tree’s roots as socialism, government intervention, acorn producing, and big spending bills. He scribbled Obama’s name on the trunk of the tree and claimed the planting of the tree signaled the “end of democracy as we know it. Democracy in this country has come full circle, it started with a President who chopped down a tree – and ends with one who planted a tree.” Beck even brought out his signature red phone and said, “notice how Anita Dunn and the rest of them over at the White House haven’t called me yet.” An emotional Beck closed out the show by noting, “Obama isn’t like you and me, just look at him… maybe I’m the crazy one, but do you know anyone who uses a gold plated shovel or wears a suit to plant a tree?” Read more of this post

WASHINGTON D.C. – If the fun-loving bunch of politicians and pundits were looking for a break from a tense political season, then the Howl-oween Bash held this past Saturday evening was the place to be. Check out some of this year’s best & worst costumes:

When Safety Measures become Unreasonably Safe

We live in a society governed by Fear. We are encouraged to fear risks that our predecessors took for granted. The result is a temptation to never leave the house and ignore the fact that any human activity involves some risk to life and limb. Safety Experts have even warned that trying to make the world 100% safe is not only impossible, but dangerous too.

Parents need to realize that kids need to fly off their bikes without helmets, get shot by a BB gun at point blank range, and narrowly escape the bite of an angry dog. Their lives will be richer because they will learn the consequences of risk-taking, how to scramble, improvise, and think for themselves. With so much to gain from experiencing life’s minor risks and dangers, why is it that today’s generation of parents are failing to pass this value on to their kids? The following pictures might provide some helpful insight.

20. Checkmate. Sign (1) - You (0).

19. Notice the safety string preventing anyone from walking between the cones.

18. Contrary to what the contents might suggest, this package may contain only traces of nuts.

Court silent on whether access to Rascal Scooters is Fundamental Right

As an originalist, Justice Scalia, has always believed in unassisted walking. Which makes his decision all the more puzzling, leaving many to question if he's getting softer with age.

WASHINGTON D.C. – The U.S. Supreme Court was in a rare mood of unanimity, issuing a dissent-free opinion on the key issue of the Rascal Scooter’s Awesomeness.

The unanimous ruling continued a recent pattern that may be moving the Court closer to Chief Justice John Roberts Jr.’s stated goal of greater collegiality. That goal has proven elusive since he joined the Court in 2005, with justices often reluctant to cede ground for the sake of joining the majority.

While Justice Thomas did agree with the majority on the Scooter's Awesomeness, he did not think access to Rascal Scooters should be a fundamental right.

It may be too early in the term to declare a trend, and as Court-watcher David Barrow observed, rulings without dissents are easier to wrap up early in the term. Nonetheless, Barrow says, “Monday’s Rascal Scooter ruling sent a striking message of judicial consensus while belying any presumption of ideological division or conflict.”

While there was no dissenting opinions there was numerous concurring opinions on the Rascal Scooter’s Awesomeness, leaving many to think this might not be the last time we hear the Supreme Court on the issue. Read more of this post

Obama has been on winning streak since being awarded Nobel Peace Prize

Opponents say one of the knocks on Obama's game is that he drives to his right too much.

WASHINGTON D.C. – President Obama said yesterday that he was “somewhat surprised and deeply humbled” by the decision of the National Basketball Association to name him recipient of the Eddie Gottlieb Trophy as the 2009-10 T-Mobile NBA Rookie of the Year. This is the fifty second time the President has been awarded or honored in the past five days.

A panel of 120 sportswriters and broadcasters throughout the United States and Canada unanimously decided Obama should receive the award. Sources close to the panel say the foresight displayed by the Nobel Peace Prize Committee inspired them to preemptively give Obama the award before the 09-10 season started.

At last night’s impromptu ceremony NBA Commissioner David Stern said, “Obama will make a fine Rookie of the Year, and the fact he has never played in the NBA should only serve as an inspirational example of just how far hoping for change can carry someone.”

2K 10 will feature all 30 NBA team, plus one additional team consisting of only Obamas.

Before the ink could dry on the headlines of Obama’s Rookie of the Year award, there was word that the President had received yet another honor. This time he was chosen to grace the cover of the popular video game NBA 2K10. According to a press release issued by 2K Sports, the company felt potential customers would be drawn in by Obama’s message. Meaning they hope his presence on the cover would persuade gamers to change their preference for the rival basketball game, EA’s NBA Live.

While the thought of being so highly regarded and adored by the world over might seem appealing, it does not come without a price. As a practical matter Obama’s mantle is rumored to be on the verge of collapse under the weight of the countless trophies, medals, and awards etc. he has received over the past couple of days. While the mantle space shortage at the White House is troublesome, it pales in comparison to the shortage of time on Obama’s calender for all of the award shows and photo shoots. Since last Friday alone, the President has attended thirty eight awards ceremonies in his honor all over the world.

The President’s absence has led White House staffers to jokingly refer to Air Force 1 as the “White House in the sky,” and its pilot, Frank Norris, has been renamed “Trophy Czar.” One person at the White House is not laughing though, as Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel has been skeptical of most of the President’s awards. He has wondered aloud if all of the President’s unjustifiable recognition is really part of a clever right wing ploy to devalue the Nobel Peace Prize, or are all these no-name award committees and organizations just trying to ride on the Peace Prize’s coat tails. Others have said the Obama trophy-train is too hot right now not to give him any and every conceivable award. While the real reason behind all of Obama’s recent accolades is up for debate, few will disagree on the illegitimacy of most of the following awards:

Obama was shocked to learn that one of Micheal Jackson's last wishes was to have his face replaced by the President's on every new copy of his breakout album 'Off the Wall.'

Rush Limbaugh’s plans to rename team ‘St. Louis Monkeys’ comes under fire from NFL for being overtly racist

What Edward Jones Dome Scoreboard will probably look like if Rush Limbaugh purchases St. Louis Rams. His hatred of SJax borders on insanity, especially considering he's the Rams best player.

ST. LOUIS, MO – Radio host Rush Limbaugh has never liked the idea of African American NFL quarterbacks, but until now he’s only been able to make racist comments about the topic. However, it might only be a matter of time before he can actually do something about it. Rush is rumored to be part of an ownership group that is hoping to buy an NFL team, and fortunately for Donovan McNabb- it’s the St. Louis Rams.

Sources close to Rush say that owning all or part of an NFL team would fulfill his dream of “following in my great, great grand-daddy Scooter’s footsteps.” Rush’s great, great grand-father Scoot Limbaugh was a wealthy cotton grower and slave owner. Scoot’s wife Anne, who he reportedly married at the tender age of twelve, died giving birth to Scoot’s only son, Rush’s great grand-father – Haste Limbaugh.

It should come as little surprise that the NFL Players Union has publicly opposed Rush’s plans to buy the Rams. Which prompted Limbaugh to issue this reply: “Who cares if the players don’t like the idea. Because guess who owns all of the teams? Rich white guys- That’s who! And guess who happens to be a rich white guy? Me! So there you have it.” Read more of this post

Don’t take me seriously bro!!

Most items and/or articles on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof. The information contained on this website is not meant to be taken seriously. Any issues? hit me up at - unreasonablysafe at gmail.

Don’t take the above warning too seriously bro!!

It might be a ploy by those in power that don't want people to know the truth.