Primary Menu

All of the Things

The Here and Now

I was lamenting all the things I will miss here at home while I am away in Nepal for a month. Maybe that sounds ridiculous, but last time I missed my 5 year old losing his first tooth. And his second. I wanted to stop the clock at home and make everything stop until I got back. I missed Ultimate Frisbee games and whole-family ski trips. Here’s what I know I’ll be missing this time:

My 11-year old’s play performance in his last year at this school.
My 7-year old’s Little League season. He is poised to rock it.
Spring Break – this is the first year in five that both kids have spring break in the same week. We could have actually taken a family vacation this year!
Heart is playing at Benaroya. Chris said did you hear, I said yes, he said, “I would have taken you if…”

But “If” is a terrible thing because there will always be something you can regret. In being in a designated place, you necessarily exclude yourself from other things. One of the songs from my childhood that resonates today is Roger Whittaker’s “I Don’t Believe in If”. Every so often I catch myself “if-ing” to myself, regretting something. So I sing this to myself to dissolve the angst that comes from missing out. In reality, I will always miss an opportunity of some sort because life is about making choices. If I had looked at all the things I’d be missing here as a limiting factor, I would never have gone to Nepal the first time and I would not be going this time.

So I don’t believe in ‘if’ anymore.

If I knew then what I know now(I thought I did you know somehow)If I could have the time againI’d take the sunshine leave the rainIf only time would trickle slowLike rain that melts the fallen snowIf only Lord if onlyIf only Lord if only