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From my archives: Be still.

[Written January 29, 2014. I just found this in my journal and thought I would share]

“be still and know that I am God.” –Psalms 46:10

Bring still… this concept is so foreign to me. I am constantly roaming, constantly busy- be it traveling or schoolwork or volunteering for something. I have this ideal woman in mind when I think of who I want to become who has this ideal relationship with her God. But somehow I miss that the building block of who I want to be is someone who earnestly seeks to know God more and more; someone who pursues Him as a lover. I forget that at the end of the day, it is more admirable to be a woman completely at peace and secure in her relationship with God than even being “the Proverbs 31 woman”. Because as women who have grown up in the Christian church, we are indoctrinated with the need for constant striving so that, maybe one day, we can compare to her. And the boys in the church are taught that this is what you want in a wife someday.

And I’m not saying her hard-working, ambitious nature isn’t admirable (I resonate with that, after all) and I’m not saying that we should not hope to cultivate various qualities the Proverbs 31 woman has. But Martha was the picture of a Proverbs 31 woman, and what did Jesus tell her? “Be like your sister Mary”. Stop making yourself dizzy my trying to be the perfect woman. Take time to just sit quietly at my feet to listen to that which I have for you. And if we have decided that its ok to throw out the old law such as “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” in favor of Christ’s command of “turn the other cheek”, personally, I think I’m ok for overturning that which was never even a command, but a lofty ideal for Jewish women to strive for in favor of the words of Christ.

Despite what my over-busy tendencies tell me, it’s not laziness. It’s fullness of life. It’s the pursuit of my One Great Love.