When the wolves surround you

Lost, lonely, and looking for a way out of the cold, dark woods? No matter which way your compass leads, it seems you’re just as lost?

Then you hear it.

A low grumbling.

A passing shadow.

A set of eyes in the dark.

You realize you’re not alone so you cry out for help, but nobody answers.

Then in the distance you see one of them. A wolf.

He’s hungry and you’re dinner.

He knows you’re scared, too, but he’s not ready to attack just yet. He wants you to lose yourself to the that fear.

Then his pack shows up, well, the ones you can see at least.The others wait in the shadows, lurking.

The fear you feel is almost as exciting to them as when they strike.

They aren’t cowards, however. They are quite the opposite. They are calculated. Precision is their key element of surprise.

They wait to strike you at your weakest moment.

This is their nature.

You keep moving forward, but you know they are there. You also know there is nowhere to run now.

The time is near where you’ll be in the fight of your life.

They’ll attack you, singly, at first. Then as you fight fight like hell to fend the first one off, the second will strike you from behind. Now, as you battle them both, you realize they are over powering you.

They are winning and you’re wondering how you’re going to survive. Just when it can’t get any worse, it does.

They all attack and pull you under.

All you want is the pain to end as they rip and tear at you. You give up. You succumb to their hunger.
Sound familiar?

Today I woke up to go for a morning run before it got too hot out. Ok, so I say “morning run” like I’m some kind of runner going for a long run, but I ain’t. I made it almost a mile, before this damn hamstring injury (that stretches from my derrière to knee) feels like I’m running on one of Groot’s legs, but anyway- back on topic.
On the radio this morning was one of the many Sunday morning, Tennessee, Christian Radio shows. Sometimes I like to hear the good word in musical form so I kept it on there awhile.

As I drove to the park and contemplated all of life’s mysteries, a song came on called, “Wolves,” by Brent Lamb. It was a country song with an early 90’s ring to it that had a great line in it about how he’s thinking about the ones “the wolves pull down.” He used the example of farmers harvest not coming in and them losing their land. They have to move to town and he’s talkin to God about it. It was a moving song, but to me, it was God “talking” to me when he knew I needed it.

At the end of the song, he switches it to being about him; “right outside my window, I heard a lonesome, mournful sound. And I just can’t keep from thinking…about the ones the wolves pull down.”

Then finally the song turns to him pleading to God to help him from being one of the ones the wolves pull down.

The lyrics hit home to me.

Sometimes it feels like the wolves have me surrounded. I fight one off and another one takes its place. I go to war with that one and another one attacks. I’ve wanted to just give up. I just want to quit struggling. I just want the pain to stop. Sometimes, I just want to fade away and let them devour me

…but I don’t.

I keep fighting. It would be easier to just let them pull me down, but, I have never not fought like hell. I get knocked down on a regular basis, but I get that second wind and uppercut one of them damn wolves and then I bite the other one. I might even scream at the top of my lungs to the third one, but I let them know all that I’m not afraid of them.

The wolves, you see, are nothing other than regret, fear, anger, self esteem, heartache, depression, anxiety, addiction, etc. They are the fear that keep you from finding your way out of the woods.

The wolves surround us all. They have one purpose and that it to make us fear our next steps. To give up.

You have to fight. You have to bite, claw, kick, do whatever you have to do to KEEP MOVING. Don’t stop moving forward and, most importantly, Don’t stop fighting!

Don’t give up on yourself because the wolves seem to be pullin you down.

Make the wolves worry what YOU are doing next.

As I write this, I’m sitting at the Nashville airport waiting on a plane that will take me further away from my daughter and, honestly, I’m devastated by it. She’s growing up so fast and the “you should’ve been a better dad” wolf has been hanging on my ankle all day until I dropped her off at her moms. Then he worked his way up to my heart where he’s latched on. I have so many regrets in my life that many times I just want to let the wolves devour me till there is nothing left. Somehow, though, I find the strength to keep fighting. The guilt I feel for not being there more for my daughter can be unbearable at times.

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Published by: thistennesseeguy

Well as you could guess, I'm from Milwaukee. Ok, I'm from Missouri, but I lived in Tennessee when I started this blog. I moved here after a 4 year stint in the Marines. Tennessee has not been great to me-let me rephrase that- Tennessee has kicked my ass. So here I am. 38 and still looking for where I'm going in my life. So follow along as I look for answers both here and there....
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