Jenna Dewan and Channing Tatum announced their split in April 2018 after nine years of marriage, and Dewan opened up about the breakup for the first time in an excerpt of her upcoming book, Gracefully You: Finding Beauty and Balance in the Everyday.

"In the beginning of my separation, it felt as though I were in a dark closet, desperately trying to find the light or the way out," she revealed. "I was in a state of shock. One week I'd be doing really well and the next I was slammed with a whole new slew of emotions. The rumor mill was churning out story after story. There were many times I hid under the covers, wondering what was next. The pain hit me like a tumbling avalanche. I was completely overcome with fear and sadness. It took many moments of sitting alone with my grief to force me into surrendering to my roller coaster of a situation."

Dewan and Tatum met in 2006 on the set of their film Step Up and married in 2009, with Dewan explaining how hard the split was because the couple had been together for much of her adult life.

"I was just gutted. It was so difficult for me," she wrote. "It was the loss of an idealistic future for myself and my life. What does that now look like for me? Where do I begin? I met him when I was 24, I didn’t know life without Chan."

"The separation tested me in ways I hadn't thought possible," she continued. "I started to wonder if everything I believed in and always talked about was real. Could anyone or anything ever be trusted?"

The 38-year-old also discussed Tatum's relationship with British singer Jessie J, writing that she wasn't given any warning and learned about the pair while reading an article alone on a plane.

"I was learning things about my ex most people wouldn't have to face — and over the internet, as it was happening," she revealed. "There I was, on a plane, alone, finding out about his new relationship. I was blindsided."

The actress admitted that it was difficult to react to the news in the way she wanted, but she ultimately succeeded.

"It was quite a challenge to remain graceful; to say the least. That's when your real character comes out," she explained. "Instead of reacting the way I wanted to...I asked myself this: How do I choose grace in this moment? Had I not been practicing this way of life beforehand, I definitely wouldn't have handled this news very gracefully."

Dewan has since moved on with boyfriend Steve Kazee, who she reportedly started dating in fall 2018. The couple is currently expecting their first child together, with the new arrival to join Dewan and Tatum's 6-year-old daughter Everly.