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Last Friday, I had the privilege of participating as a panelist at The White House Urban Economic Forum hosted by Barnard College. The event focused on inspiring, funding and providing technical support to women entrepreneurs.

A recurring theme throughout the conference was how to start and grow a business while taking care of the other parts of your life. For example:

Joanne Wilson, an angel investor and Gotham Gal blogger, said she thought every woman should be an entrepreneur because it gives you the control and flexibility to do work you love and take care of the other parts of your life.

But when one of the moderators, Arianna Huffington, asked the women on her panel, “How do you balance your work and life?” everyone got so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. If issues related to work and life were so front and center throughout the day, why was “balance” such a tough topic for the group to address? And why does it matter?

There is no work/life “balance,” which is why no one can answer the question. It’s not that we don’t want to answer the question. It’s that we can’t, no matter how hard we try (here and here). This is especially true for entrepreneurs who rarely have any physical or mental division between their lives on and off the job.

It’s imperative that we share our judgment-free strategies for managing work and life if we want women-owned businesses to achieve their full growth potential. Since the research shows that women entrepreneurs are motivated in part by work+life considerations, then it’s critical to share strategies for managing how all of the pieces fit together. It’s the only way women are going to see the possibilities for themselves and their businesses, and expand beyond the “it can’t be done” meme that’s out there.

Personally, when I heard that my fellow panelist Margery Kraus grew her company, APCO Worldwide, to employ 700 people around the world while staying married to her husband for more than 40 years, raising three children and spending time with 10 grandchildren, I thought, “If she can do it, so can I.” Technical advice for business growth is important but so are the “how to” strategies for personal success (as you define it for yourself and your family).

We need to challenge the “all work, all the time” model that dominates entrepreneurial lore and funder expectations. In his book “Delivering Happiness—A Path to Profits, Passion and Purpose,” Zappos founder, Tony Hsieh, shares his secrets to entrepreneurial success. One of his rules is that Zappos employees spend a certain percentage of their time outside of work with each other. A busy entrepreneur who has other personal responsibilities is going to look at that blueprint for growth and think, “I can’t do that.” But is it really necessary?

After more than 15 years creating work+life fit and flexibility strategies for all types of companies, I can honestly say I don’t believe that the “all work, all the time” model is the only path to business success. It’s time to identify and celebrate other examples where an entrepreneur works hard, achieves results but doesn’t completely ignore their own well-being and their important personal relationships.

Changing the narrative around the work+life fit expectations of an entrepreneur is especially critical for women.

Let’s learn from each other by asking, “How does your work as a busy entrepreneur fit into the other parts of your life?” There’s no right answer or “balance,” only countless possibilities for growth and success, personally and professionally. And in the process, we can expand beyond the outdated “all work, all the time” entrepreneurial growth mindset that limits everyone—men and women.

If you’re an entrepreneur, how to you grow your business and manage the other parts of your life? What’s your work+life “fit?”

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Cali, I wish I could high-five you about 15 times right now! You echoed my sentiments quite well–thank you for that!

I’ve been writing, interviewing dozens of women, and doing my own internal check-ins where work-life balance is concerned. It started in 2003 when I became pregnant with my first daughter, and after self-publishing a book about working motherhood in 2007, and later becoming an advocate for women’s emotional wellness in 2009, I agree with you wholeheartedly. It’[s not an all-or-nothing choice, and self-sacrifice needs defined boundaries, or we’ll lose ourselves trying to attain this elusive work-life balance myth.

I believe work-life balance is a dangerous myth, and leaves us more frustrated and unfulfilled than any thing else.

My work-life fit is centered around harmony, not balance–and they’re not the same. Harmony allows me to check in with my self, minimize guilt around spending time with others or not getting all the items on my daily checklist as a woman/wife/mom/entrepreneur.

Thank you for advocating a necessary change in the narrative around work-life expectations. I believe we women can heal ourselves and our daughters by embracing the shift from balance to harmony and a new focus on finding the right fit.

I love the article! I work for a small IT company called Spider Strategies (www.spiderstrategies.com) and we’ve won awards for our flexibility and focus on that somewhat elusive “balance.” Both men and women want balance in their work and life, and when they find it, they become incredible employees. It’s one of those situations where everyone stands to gain.

There’s no such thing as work-life balance. Sometimes your life is necessarily skewed towards work responsibilities/opportunities, sometimes towards family time/issues. The trick is to a) know which sphere of your life needs more attention at that point in time and b) not feel guilty about family when work is a priority and about work when family is a priority. If you feel guilty about the choices you make, you’ll be ineffective in both arenas and you’ll be miserable.

I agree with everything you say … except your call for eliminating the word “balance.” Rather than see it lead to silence, I’ve seen it be a very good conversation starter, which leads to many of the conclusions you point out – including the fact that it is frequently a pipe dream. While “balance” and “having it all” may be virtually impossible, entrepreneurship is an important road to getting in the neighborhood.