Written By Luthfie fadhillah on Friday, March 18, 2011 | 4:26 AM

There are many reasons couples break up, but a new, and increasingly common, one is that one partner becomes obsessed with Internet pornography. Now that porn is so easy to watch at home or at work, many men are spending enough time and energy on it that they drive their female partners to end the relationship. In fact, Internet porn has so changed American relationships that in a 2003 survey of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, more than half said the Internet played a “significant role” in divorces in the past year, and that online porn contributed to half of these cases. Once upon a time, a woman’s greatest fear was a good-looking, buxom blonde. These days, her greatest fear is thousands of them.

Dale Lach, a paralegal who helps people represent themselves in their own divorces, says she’s seeing more and more women who want to leave their husbands because of porn. She says the availability has made it an issue in relationships. It used to be that a man who needed a fix had to leave the home to go buy a magazine or watch a movie. “It’s so convenient now,” says Lach, “that they don’t even have to say, ‘I’m going to go bowling tonight.’ They just go into the home office and close the door.”

Three years ago, Renata, 39, an editor, broke up with her long-term musician boyfriend because of his newfound interest. As he spent more time online, he began asking her to change her behavior. “He started asking for stuff that didn’t make sense to me,” she laments. “There was no foreplay, and I would start seeming prudish if I wanted it. I have no problem getting male attention, but if you’re dealing with a girl in a shiny pleather outfit with humongous boobs who’s a contortionist, you can’t compete.” He began requesting special outfits, and more oral sex. “It was ‘put on these stilettos and dance around.’ He would say things that were straight out of a video: ‘You do this to me.’ It was like having sex with a 14-year-old.”

As she resisted his demands, the sex began to decline, to the point where they were doing it only half a dozen times a year. He would bring his laptop into the bathroom, and with them on vacation. One day, she hacked into his computer and found he was in a chat room with a woman she knew. “I said, ‘Either it goes or I go.’ He didn’t do it for three days, and then I found him on again. He said he was working, but there was a window behind him and I could see in the reflection that it was a girl bent over with her fingers up her crotch.”

Part of her anger came from incomprehension—she was stunned he could choose streaming video over her. “This wasn’t even another person. He had a choice between jerking off in front of his computer or having sex with me, and he chose the computer.”

Linda, 29, a project manager, was in a relationship for a year and a half with a guy named Steven whose addiction to porn had the opposite effect: His interest in sex skyrocketed. Soon after they moved in together, he became unemployed and started spending hours looking at porn, often saving clips on her computer because she had cable and he had only dial-up. Although Linda was coming home exhausted from her graduate program, Steven wanted to have sex three or four times a night, and would often editorialize during the act.

“I’d be in the middle of giving him a blow job, and he’d say, ‘This is great, but this is how you could do it better,’ and he’d pull out his laptop.” Unlike Renata’s boyfriend, Steven was far from selfish in bed. He wanted to please her but became so obsessive she felt pressured. “He needed to prove to himself that he was really good.”

Before she met Steven, Linda had watched porn with boyfriends, and even enjoyed girl-on-girl herself. But Steven “was very big on women on their knees performing on a man, stuff that seemed degrading.” He told her he wanted to try money shots. She said okay but got a rash.

If she said she didn’t want sex, he’d turn on the computer and masturbate in front of her. “As time went on and I got more disgusted, I’d just leave him there on the couch, go into the bathroom, and wash my hands.”

When they were in bed together, he was so controlling that she became afraid to be spontaneous. “It got to the point where there were no surprises,” says Linda. “I wasn’t saying, ‘Oh honey, let’s try this.’ It was more like, ‘Oh. This again.’ ” After they broke up, it took seven months for her to enjoy sex again.

“This relationship made me wonder, Am I really that bad at sex?” she says. “And then I realized I wasn’t a porn star. I was a girl in a relationship with someone she loved.”

Written By Luthfie fadhillah on Saturday, March 12, 2011 | 8:21 AM

Social networking sites like Facebook were not just allows users to expand the association or to meet with old friends. These social sites are now used as a practice tool cyber crime.

The case of kidnappings that occurred in Nova Marieta Triani (14) is evidence of cyber crime that triggered the activity on the internet. From the introduction by Arie pass up, Nova meet guys in front of his uncle's house in Cluster Alamanda Block L 14, Bumi Serpong Damai, Serpong, Tangerang, on Saturday (02/06/2010). The family last saw when she was met Ariel Nova. After that, the phone could not be contacted again Nova.

Ease the child to access the Internet as an opportunity for offenders to target victims. Control families, particularly parents, play an important role in protecting children from cyber crime. Learn how to control your child's Internet activity without limiting himself:

Spend time with children while learning computer and internet
Spend more time with children can learn together more about computers and the Internet. Both parent and child should know and can operate social networking sites, discussion forums, secure shopping transactions, how to chat, how to find good sites and bad sites, search and play videos on YouTube, and how to find pictures and videos via Google.

Provide an understanding of the benefits and dangers of the internet
After studying how, add understanding to children about the benefits and dangers of the Internet. Parents should have a broader knowledge, and discuss them with children. Tell also about the characteristics of online predators, and various cases of the unfolding of an online predator in different countries.

Remind children about the concept of "strangers"
Remind kids not to believe it on people who just knew. Emphasize to children so as not to provide personal information, such as email and phone number.

Recommend etiquette of hanging out with friends "online"
Expanding socially legitimate, let alone children now more open with internet technology. However, it should be taught to children for attention to her social boundaries. Do not allow children to meet new friends who are known via chat.

Avoid children access the Internet in private room
Although the facility on a full house, computer and mobile phone is already connected to the Internet, make sure there is a limit. Do not let children access the Internet in his private room. Put the computer in the family room or in the room parents for easy viewing and controlled.

Recommend other creative activities with the Internet
Point your child to engage in creative activities and positive with the internet media. Recommend also about the many outstanding opportunities or get a gift of creative activity on the internet, for example writing competition. For that first introduce writing activities on the internet, for example by filling out a personal blog.

Use a software filter internet activity
If you think all the way was not maximized, use software to filter Internet activity. Many parental software is available free or paid. Find it via a search engine on the internet. If it were so, your child can freely surf, but control remains in your hand as a parent.

The rise of cases of teens ran away with a new boyfriend who is known through Facebook, making the parents (parents) worried. Moreover, the victims continue to fall. After the girls secondary schools in Sidoarjo, Marieta Nova Triani, 13, now turn high school students 22 Surabaya, Stefani Abelina Napitupulu (15) disappear since Saturday (6 / 2) and up to Wednesday (10 / 2) has not been found.

Anxiety will negatively impact up it became a topic conversations parents, especially mothers. Evie Syriac, (42) intentionally add (add) friends son. This method allows him to supervise the children perempuanya association, Mevira Bafaradina Yanuar (15) and Meviana (13) a maniac up. "Should it be a parent today. Must be familiar with children's friends too, "Evie said on Wednesday (10 / 2).

Not only that, Evie is also always accompanied everywhere Meviana Mevira and travel. Evie at least have to monitor them. Evie family including technology literacy. Home computer connected to the Internet network with a monthly payment. Both children are connected with GPRS mobile phone, internet access system. And BlackBerry (BB) belongs to Evie continues on to Facebook and instant message (IM).

Evie deliberately putting a computer in the living room is accessible to all residents of the house. In addition, she and her husband more easily supervise the children. "I remember the words of friends who understand parenting. They said that before the age of 20 years, never put the television, DVD player, or computer in a child's room, "said Evie.

The two children Evie restricted internet access via computer. Only two hours during vacation time only. Condition is added must have a shower. "If not so, they forget to shower and eat so much fun to open up," said Evie.

Evie occasionally glanced at the computer screen. If fitting a Facebook account, Evie approached them and asked who photograph children go to, what he was doing his friend.

You certainly know how to thrill surfing in cyberspace. How she cried on television and DVD movies. So did the kids. He will try very hard not to fall asleep so she called playing video games, surfing the internet, or friends to play SMS's.

According to Redbook magazine study, children interact with television, computers, video games, or listen to music through digital music player around 6.5 hours per day. The time they spend is almost equal to the amount of time they spend in school.

But more ironically again, the more screen monitor or a gadget that they have in the room, the higher the likelihood the child was asleep or out of focus while studying in class. Does your child have the electronics in his room? If yes, could be, he is equal to 38 percent of pre-school children or 68 percent of children in America who have a television in America. They are having trouble receiving a lesson while in the classroom.

A recent study also said, the custom fell asleep in front of the television making it harder to sleep in a state of calm. He was accustomed to hearing the noise and light from the monitor screen television. Moreover, when the brain detects the light from the television, the child's brain does not produce hormones and create conditions for return membugarkan his body the next day.

The solution, try for baby rooms free of electronic monitors. If he already has a computer or television in his room, try to talk to him again and move into the family room. How you can do is ask him where he wanted to put the electronics and ask him to decorate the location. Or make an agreement to redecorate his room without a television or computer.

Another possible tactic is to ask your child to get "reward" an hour playing with the computer or watch television every single hour he managed to exercise. When researchers at the University of Ottawa to do this strategy on children's excessive weight, it managed to lose 2 hours of time he spent in front of the television, and increase their physical activity by 65 percent, lower body mass index, and lower risk diseases associated with obesity.

In a study involving about 1013 children aged between 10-11 years, found that those who watch television, staring at a computer screen, or a combination, more than 2 hours per day will experience psychological problems.

Psychological problem in question is difficult to establish friendships, difficult to empathize with a friend, and reported feeling unhappy. Research done by attaching an accelerometer measuring device, a device for measuring the activity of the child every 10 seconds as long as he maintained for 7 days.

Then the child is asked to tell how long they watch television Atua use computers outside of time must be doing his homework. They were also asked to answer questions like, how often they feel unhappy, messy mood, want to cry, or lonely.

Answer these respondents combined to receive the overall value that indicates whether the child has significant problems.

Angie S. Page, PhD, from the University of Bristol in England said that there was no relationship between the time they move or not the child's psychological health. It seems that what is done when that's what counts. For example, if you choose to watch television for entertainment, then this will be associated with negative mental health.

Quoted from WebMD, Page mengatkan that we can not rely on physical activity to compensate for the length of time staring at television or computer screen. Watching television or playing computer games more than 2 hours per day was associated with psychological problems, it is difficult to respect others, and the level of active children.

Parents should encourage children to do physical activity for children less time watching television or staring at a computer screen. Page emphasized that the study did find the consequences to children who stare at computer screens and television more than two hours, in terms of physical and mental. Children who perform physical activities, generally considered to have a healthier psychological health.

Playing is part of the process of child development are very significant. Unfortunately, many Indonesian parents who did not know this. In fact, they consider me play with the children is not something that is worth it. Therefore, parents often look to let children play alone so that children play with the tools that are not in their capacity. If the child continues to be left like this, he will experience physical and psychological disorders.

This has become one of the topics discussed during the talk show "Enhancing Activity Stage Play to Enhance Child Development", organized by the Early Learning Centre (ELC) at the Function Hall Plaza Indonesia, on Thursday (11/11/2010).

"Supposedly, there are reciprocal interactions between caregiver (parents, educators, or caregiver) and child. Caregiver must be sensitive to the needs of children, responsive, and knows how to foster interaction with children, so children are motivated to explore," said Dra Mayke S . Tedjasaputra, MSI, play therapist, as talk shows took place.

Forms of interaction which meant can vary. For example, parents may give two choices of toys, and children who decided one of them. Later, when children used to play the same game over and over, parents can draw the attention of children to explore a new toy. The trick with taking children to see the new toy, and then demonstrate how to play.

"When children play, give comments about what he does. Do it face-to-eye, to mark the support on the child," said Mayke.

Children also need to be freed to play the game in its own way. This is related to child development stage different according to age. During that do not harm, the child should be left to experiment in playing the game. You do not need to be corrected when the child played with an unusual way. All you need do is introduce variations to play the same toy. Too limiting the freedom of children will only make him feel disturbed.

Mayke also stressed the importance of limiting digital games for children. It has become commonplace when children were toddlers or infants are now able to "play" your phone or computer. Because the toddler-aged children can not read or write, they will only know the icon on the phone screen and computer.