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Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

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The 10th-anniversary edition of the New York Times business bestseller-now updated with “Answers to Ten Questions People Ask” We attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day-whether dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with a spouse, or negotiating with a client. From the Harvard Negotiation Project, the organization that brought you Getting to Yes, Difficult Conversations provides a step-by-step approach to having those tough conversations with less stress and more s…

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One way to get better at this skill is to read the book Difficult Conversations. The general outline is that there are (at least) three levels on which people hear things:

statements about the facts of the world

statements about the speaker’s/listener’s feelings.

statements about the speaker’s/listener’s identity.

That last one is the most powerful, and therefore the post potentially dangerous. If you are trying to say “you should be more careful with your code”, be careful you don’t unintentionally say “you are a shitty programmer”.

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