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Yeah I guess unmanageable can take a lot of different meanings. I feel like maybe it would be a bit easier if things were completely out of control to say yes I definitely am an alcoholic. But do I wait for that? I'm concerned that the women i've met will deem me not serious enough. It's possible they will never reach out to me again but I'm pretty sure if I reached out to them they'd take me to a meeting.

The only person I knew in AA was my cousin. She and her boyfriend were both in AA and were really enthusiastic about it. The last time I saw her she seemed so happy, she lit up the room. But then like a year later she shot herself in the chest. I know it's not like AA did that, but I'm afraid to tell my family there might be a problem. I don't want them worrying about me and thinking that's my fate.

Ravensgrl wrote:Yeah I guess unmanageable can take a lot of different meanings. I feel like maybe it would be a bit easier if things were completely out of control to say yes I definitely am an alcoholic. But do I wait for that?

A short answer...No! I would never want to change my past but if I could have found the solution sooner in AA...I can't imagine where my life would be today. There is a reason you're having these thoughts or desires to quit drinking...take ahold of that and run with it. Look if AA doesn't work for you...you can go right back to where you are now. I'm sorry to hear about your cousin...that is terrible. I learned early on to not compare my insides to someone's outsides...my journey is mine. Also I didn't tell most of my family right away...once I started working the steps and got some relief it wasn't a big deal anymore. Give yourself a chance..you have an opportunity right here right now to change your life! Give it a whirl you're worth it.

Last edited by Reborn on Sun Mar 13, 2016 1:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. BB pg 132

Thank you Reborn, that's a really nice post. I will give it a shot. It's sort of weird and surreal being in a meeting, like I'm someone else. It's pretty humbling, I just never thought it would be me. But everyone's so nice I should try again. I didn't really identify with the people who spoke, but they were all really good speakers and I liked how they found humor in their situations. So I guess what's the worst that can happen, I'm humbled.

I like what the 12 and 12 says in the first step "Scarcely more than potential Alcoholics, spared the last 10 or 15 years of literal hell the rest of us went through."

I was young when I came in, but didn't heed the warning, and I had to go back out and taste some of those years of "Literal hell", just to show me the true nature of the malady.

The Big Book also points out that "Few that this book will appeal to" To me, that says if I understand, or have felt any of the hopelessness expressed in the BB, I more than likely have an issue. I don't believe that regular drinkers would ponder the question. It also says if you have doubts, try some controlled drinking. Go to a bar and order your favourite, and walk out with it half done.

I also believe that many people suffer from the "Isms" of the disease, without ever taking a drink in their life. Escaping from living life in other ways, rather than embracing it as is shown to us in the Program.

I guess I'd be worried either way. If alcoholism is in front of you, deal with it and let fate be it's own. I know that I was never more suicidal then when I was drinking.

Jump into this thing and get to work on the Steps. Be vigilant that alcoholism doesn't not sneak up on you and tell you it is ok to have just one or that you are different. IF you drink one and find that you are not able to stop comfortably, you might be an alcoholic. Read the Doctor's Opinion again. Read it with another woman. If you are an alcoholic - stop while you can. This disease is deadly. Quickly or slowly it kills.

If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php

Yeah I guess alcoholism has been pretty slow for me, so it's so easy to pretend like it's not a problem. I'm not suicidal, I just don't want my family to be worried. Right now they have no idea that this is a thing for me. I'm gonna go to some meetings. If nothing else, I want to make some friends that'll support me in this decision. My friends are all drinkers and when I told some of them I thought I had a problem with alcohol they weren't convinced. I guess with most of my drinking over the past year being alone in my own home, it's gone pretty unnoticed.

Ravensgrl wrote:Oh and I do have someone picking me up and taking me to a meeting tomorrow. Having that plan feels good, like I'm actually doing something.

Good plan!

Keep coming back....

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Great news indeed. I pray you hear and see what you need to keep coming back. My first meeting was a turning point in my life that has led to the best 8 years of my life to date. Please let us know how it goes.

Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.

People throughout the meeting talked of going to two or three meetings a day. Again that just felt too overwhelming. I can't even make it to a therapy session every couple of months.

I went to meetings the way I drank. Daily. But now I do not have to go to so many. I have made it a habit to go to 3 or 4 a week but I know gals that, after they worked the Steps, are ok with one or two a week. I happen to like being with my sober friends ~ they are the light of my life! Being with them often overflows into my regular life with an outpouring of Love.

I am glad you are getting back to a meeting. You sound like me: a going away party for my "frenemy" Alcohol. Should have stopped there, but drank the next day. Why not? I guess that is the reason I don't ask myself "Why not?" anymore... I ask myself, "Why?" When I am restless, irritable and discontent, this program works better and has a more lasting effect than drinking ever did!

Good Love to you! Peace!

If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php

Haha, yeah the going away party sounds silly, but it was like a bookend kind of thing. I like wine and I like beer. In my irrational mind the responsible thing to do is have two parties, one for beer and one for wine. If i had only one party and drank it all i'd have been really blitzed, so i s being responsible lol. Not once did it occur to me to only buy the wine or only buy the beer. And of course when I say party the only ones on the guest list are me and the beer and the wine.

OMG! You ARE like me! Oh I wished I had thought of that! Oh well, you'll surely have a great story to tell in meetings and to your future sponsees!

Get right in the middle of this thing. Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful... and we both know a little silly at times... tricky sh*t! Think of it like being in a herd of animals - the middle is the safest spot, not easily picked off by the predator Alcohol, unless it is weak or still sick. Get into and through the Steps! You have experience to share and it might well save the life of another woman who thinks she can have just one more!

If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php

Haha I'm glad someone can relate to me. I couldn't very well have my last drink be a skunky Michelob ultra left over from a party. It weirdly gives me some comfort knowing my last drink was actually my favorite beer, a dogfish head 60 min ipa. Like I got to give it a proper goodbye. Now I know a lot of people on this list will prob say yeah that Michelob ultra could have been your last drink. And they'd be right, it could have been. But I feel more ready now. I am a romantic, I'm saying goodbye to a lover, an off and on 20 year relationship that wasn't all bad, but it's just more bad than good.