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Perhaps something a lot more upbeat. I composed this as someone slept on mic . I normally don't get on the spot inspiration, however, I think my good mood is the reason for this sonnet. Wish I could write a broader spectrum, however my feelings greatly guide what I am writing. Here it is:

Spoiler for The Chairman:

Dark days a endless listless lonely stride.
A life of empty painfulness without suspend,
So strong a sorrow which any heart rend.
A wish not granted, a dream denied.
Ere many days of living death a heart cried,
a confident boom a strong thunderous amend.
"You are wondrous the world’s pride."
Oh confusion and joy- agony untied.
A red face, of summers heat ascend,
No retaking of words or fade of conviction.
"Yes it is true, and can't you see" he gripped
Words could not describe, not explain this state.
No such things spoken before, not even a notion.
The veil of nightmares beaten back as if timely ripped.
"Forget not I have said, your life I will improve just you wait."

Perhaps something a lot more upbeat. I composed this as someone slept on mic . I normally don't get on the spot inspiration, however, I think my good mood is the reason for this sonnet. Wish I could write a broader spectrum, however my feelings greatly guide what I am writing. Here it is:

Spoiler for The Chairman:

Dark days a endless listless lonely stride.
A life of empty painfulness without suspend,
So strong a sorrow which any heart rend.
A wish not granted, a dream denied.
Ere many days of living death a heart cried,
a confident boom a strong thunderous amend.
"You are wondrous the world’s pride."
Oh confusion and joy- agony untied.
A red face, of summers heat ascend,
No retaking of words or fade of conviction.
"Yes it is true, and can't you see" he gripped
Words could not describe, not explain this state.
No such things spoken before, not even a notion.
The veil of nightmares beaten back as if timely ripped.
"Forget not I have said, your life I will improve just you wait."

You're amazing! I seen the third part of "Forbidden desire" but am a bit confused so I decided to not finish the 3rd part till I find the 1st and 2nd part!

It's good to be back. I wanted to come back after regretting my decision. Fortunately Paper helped me get my account back. Hehe, I am glad you enjoyed my poem and you're most welcome to lurk about hehe~

This was a story I was told as a child. It is one of my favourites, so I hope others may enjoy this as well.

Spoiler for The Monk and The Spider:

A monk sat quietly upon a mat, he did his best to meditate as deeply as possible. He learned that if he cultivated himself daily he could find peace and stillness inside himself. The air around him was cool and fresh, and he felt his spirits relax. He meditated over the many lessons he was taught, the troubles of the world. He sighed quietly until he had a strange ominous feeling. Slowly he raised his head, and transfixed his gaze onto what he believed to be a large black spider that hovered next to him. A huge panic followed by a clumsy tumble the monk ran in horror.

In the afternoon the monk went to his teacher, they went over several lessons together, and when asked about his meditation the monk simply avoided the question. The teacher thought this was quite strange, but he left things as they were. At night the young monk couldn’t rest, he kept feeling as if though things were crawling on him all night. He knew that when he wakes in the morning the spider would be waiting for him during his meditation.

When the morning came again, the young monk sat down onto the cushion and closed his eyes. He meditated quietly, however, before his mind could be at peace the spider came again. It’s long black legs walked slowly towards him. The monk leapt up immediately in fear cowering from the spider. He waved his hand at it to no avail, and as he had done the previous day he was forced to flee from his mat. Again his time carried on as it had did, a deep sense of dissatisfaction in his heart.

When the teacher approached him once again, the monk did not keep any secrets. He gazed up at his teacher with such a distressed face the elder monk could only say “Whatever is the matter?” The little monk gave out an exasperated sound.
“It is this spider. Each time I sit down for my morning meditation, this spider comes and scares me off.” the monk set his arms behind his back and walked slowly from his pupil. His eyes closed slightly, but when a solution was made, he turned about.

“I believe I have a plan in eliminating your antagonist.” He lead the little monk over to his writing desk and collected up a brush and some ink. He set the brush and ink into the little monks hands and knelt down to his level. “When you see that spider, use this brush to paint a yellow circle onto it’s body. This way I will know which spider is bothering you.” the little monk bowed really low thanking his teacher.

He would go to bed that night hopeful. Having not completed his morning meditation he was falling behind the rest of the monks. He kept the brush and ink close by, and when morning came he rose from his bed with a confident smile. He set his brush and ink under his arm and made his way to his meditation mat. He glanced about carefully, and then set his things down. He climbed onto the mat folded his legs under him and once again he tried to meditate. Just as before the spider dropped down beside him startling him. He rose up and staggered back, he gripped the brush dipping it into ink. He gathered as much courage as he could and painted a yellow circle onto the spider. He then threw up his hands and fled.

When he found his teacher the teacher smiled to him softly. “Did you find the spider,” the young boy nodded and explained what he had done. The elder monk commended him saying that he was a very brave boy. Then he set his hands over his eyes glancing about the court yard. The monk looked to the boy and smiled. “I believe we’ve found your spider.” The monk then opened the little monks robes to reveal a yellow circle. The little monk was confused, he had painted it onto the spider. He protested, but the elder monk simply smiled. “Often times that which frightens us, or that which we hate truly tests who we are. In meditation we look deeply within ourselves, and the spider you saw was a manifestation of your fear and doubt. This fear and doubt kept you from achieving your goals.” the little monk blinked as he thought over those words. The spider had always hindered his meditation, causing him to flee for his life. Yet a spider that big couldn’t exist. He had allowed his fears get the best of him.

“I could only see the spider so I couldn’t meditate. So a problem that didn’t exist hindered me from progressing myself.” The monk nodded slowly commending the child on his astuteness.

“Correct, there is an old saying that says: Many of the problems we face are self-created, born from our doubts and fear. Yet often times the fear is far grander than the actual situation. If we don‘t face our fears, we will never grow and we‘ll never push that which limits us.”

The young monk thought carefully, and he decided not to allow his fears and doubts to create excuses for him. He thanked his teacher and made his way back to his meditation mat to complete his meditation.

Hi there, sorry I couldn't respond sooner. I have been rather ill and am taking time to recover. Though you wrote this today, so perhaps not a lot of time has passed. Regardless, it is so wonderful to hear from you again. I am indeed back, and I am happy to say I will be around quite a bit. I actually had to pawn all my musical instruments a few months ago. Though I am in a better position now because of it. I intend on getting another Erhu once things settle a bit.

Location: In a room as blue as the sky, as cool as the autumn wind and as quiet as the desert

No worries!! I am a bit busy myself, with all the homeworks they throw at me D:
It's great to see you again, and I do hope you will never leave again!! *barricades door so you cannot leave* there now you cannot leave AS anymore!!

aww and you played the guitar well too did something happened? but since you are in a better condition it's no problem then!

erhu... is that the chinese musical instrument that resembles violin?

The same goes for me!! it's really wonderful to hear from you again angie!! (angel is too plain so I'll call you angie!!...if you are fine with it~)

Thank you both of you for your kind words. I do not wish to leave again, I do so when I behave poorly. It is a bandaid solution that tends to hurt me in the long run. So I shall remain as best I can. My health has been quite poor so I have been a bit inactive, I think I shall do my best to type things here and there hehe~ *Looks at the barricade* Oh my, what is this I see?

I did play the guitar briefly yes. It was given to me last year and I wanted to see how well I could play. The Erhu is like a chinese fiddle. It has a ghostly relaxing sound to it. I typically play "Butterfly Lovers" and "Clouds Chase the Moon" on it. I'm not that skilled at either, but if it's enough that others can enjoy I am happy.

Hehe, it was a nickname Chimuts gave me. I was loftly complimented as being an angel. However, I don't feel that such a lofty position suits me. I am quite shy about the nickname *blushes*

I'm glad you enjoyed the story, the next folklore story I am going to put is: "Only a heart of virtue can save others." It is really nice, but a bit tragic.

A basic status update followed by another folklore story once I have finished my dinner and such. Basically I will be dropping Forbidden Desire for now. I am in a state in my life where I am too similar to the character to write about it. A lot of aloneness. Now, what I do intend to write is a certain love story. It is a little strange and I am not sure people will like it, but we'll see. It's out of my genre. So a week or so after that I will be posting that story. I have no intentions of publishing anything I post here so it's really not a big deal.

In the end it was a poem. I apologise for this poem. I am not sure I conveyed my meaning well enough. I was writing it while talking with someone on the helpline. So it may appear choppy, regardless despite it's juvenile composition I think it suits my state of mind quite well. Thus making the entire paragraph I just wrote useless... Oh well.

Spoiler for Misfit Toy:

Why must I be a misfit toy?
Never loved by a girl or boy.
I always try to bring such joy.
In the end I create distance and annoy.

All I want to do is play.
Isn't it fun to be this way?
Why do I bring only dismay?
I wish there was something to say.

Yet here I am a sad state.
Once again without a playmate.
I try so hard even to this date.
In the end I'll never past the gate.

Such sad feelings I want to cry.
End it all and even die.
How can I be loved when so quickly deny,
The joy and laughter from a toy such as I.

I reach and reach, but never touch
Is it so difficult is it too much?
A toy like me wishes only a hand to clutch.
I sigh hoping for at least that much.

I know it's been a while before I added any new content in here. However, I have written something quite sizable. I apologise for any mistakes here in. I did write it in the bathtub. Edited it briefly at 3am. If you don't mind a bit of mistakes and can enjoy the content I welcome you to read~ This will be an ongoing series kind of like Forbidden Desire. Only I think this story is going to turn out rather cute. We'll see.

Spoiler for A World With Only Us: Sigh Factory and Chance Meeting:

The sound of the coin hitting the bottom latch of the pay phone gave me pause. I sat there quietly staring wondering what the hell I was doing. I gripped the receiver again, I could feel the sweat build on my hands. The warmth of my grip caused the phone to fog. I breathed out slowly. I knew I had to do it, if I didn’t I would do something stupid and only make matters worse. I stepped back and rubbed my brow my hair kicked up every which way. I didn’t care anymore, why should I. It isn’t like anyone pays attention to me anyway. I fumble into my purse and slowly reach for a soft cylinder object. I toy around with it in my fingers before lifting it out. The lid was crusted with pieces of left over chap stick I failed to remove when closing it. I brush at it hopelessly finding the pieces sticking to my fingers.

I wipe it off on my dress and sigh as the little fuzz and lint that I had so carelessly forgot to roll off my dress gathered around the chap stick shavings. I ignored it. Why care? So many people fuss over so many things and I am through with that. I gazed up at the night sky. The days were so much shorter in the winter. I feel like I have been in perpetual darkness. Maybe it was a metaphor, or maybe I have become a bit to melodramatic for my tastes. I sigh once more and make my way down the street. I pass by a few people with thick brown bags, they hurried by in their usual fashion eyes to the ground. No one seemed to make eye contact anymore. Everyone seemed apt to type away on a phone, but to make eye contact to talk in person. This world is a socially anxious person’s paradise.

I made my way to my apartment, there was really no point in lingering for a while. There was no point in being out in the cold. I drew out a long breath watching the steam rise from my mouth. The air was fresh, there were hints of baking in it. I guess it was that time of year. Oh how I longed for something warm and moist. Perhaps a yeast roll or pastry of sorts. I briefly turn back towards the market, but would resolve to simply going home and lay in bed. My life was rapidly falling to pieces and I didn’t really have the drive or the strength to deal with it anymore.

My apartment was unusually dark when I approached it. I didn’t know what to think. Possibly everyone was away for the holidays. I gaze out along the parking lot to see all but one car missing. I shake my head. It sometimes feels like I am the only one in the world. I move to the door, but there is an old man who let me in. He’s a nice fellow, he noticed right away that I was alone.

“Where’s your little male friend?” he asked, but my face said everything. He rolled the cigarette in between his fingers and placed it behind his ear. He smiled to me. “He didn’t deserve you.” Why does everyone say that? I don’t quite understand it. If he didn’t why am I the one miserable and alone? It makes no sense. I feign a smile and a thanks. I am not reassured, but he didn’t need to know that. I sluggishly made my way back to the apartment and opened the door. I waddle in my shoes falling from my feet like dead weights. They fell in heaps upon my rain boots. I stumble drunkenly to my bed and bury my face in it. No tear is shed. I’ve cried enough. It doesn’t change anything, and it won’t help me in the end. I look up at the window, the curtains block my view of the outside. Nothing really to see, but the dim lights of outdoor lamps.

I close my eyes and rub my head, I feel the coarse hair between my fingers and almost scorn it. Though the need for sleep over takes me and with my clothes still on I slumber. I don’t know if I dreamed that night. I am not sure I even cared, the feeling was warm. Perhaps too warm. When I stir awake again the light rays from the sun annoy me. I yawn loudly then slide out of bed weakly. I gaze around the room before rubbing my eyes then shuffle out towards the living room. I collide with the couch and turn on the TV. Just a stupid drawl was all I could hear. Something about presidents and terror. I flipped through the channels. Every station was either some dumb talk show, or a ridiculous amount of hate news. I flip the remote down from my fingers and lay back briefly.

My mind trickles away into various fantasies. A man who would not leave me, a better place, and perhaps even better food. I drool slightly at the thought of food and raise myself. My hair falls in my face I look through the strands before brushing them back. I made my way to the kitchen with dread the sound of food crackled beneath my feet. I should really sweep that I thought. Then gazed at a mountain of dishes. I should probably clean those too. I grasp the cereal box as it crumples in on itself, and set it onto the counter. I open the cupboard to see that most of the bowls are gone and let out a soft sigh. I then grasp the box and make my way back in front of the TV. I shovel handfuls of cereal in my mouth some fall down my blouse, but I don’t care to take it out.

A buzzing from my phone breaks me from my daydream,. I fumble with it on the table next to me before picking it up. On the other line is Mandy. I give a rather weak hello before shovelling more food into my mouth. Mandy giggled quietly on the other end.

“That is rather lady like.” She said, but I don’t respond. I simply asked her what she is up to. She was merely checking on me. I dislike it when people worry about me like this. Calling me and asking me questions. I had hoped that I would be able to simply wallow in pain on my own. “How about coming out tonight.”

“Where?” I ask suddenly my body trembled a little at the thought of going out in public. If it’s Mandy it’s going to be a place with a lot of people. A place where I either disappear, or panic. I couldn’t say no, and soon I found myself agreeing to it.

“Right, then I shall see you at seven.” I agreed and then hung up with a loud sigh. Why is it always at seven? What is so great about meeting up at seven? Most places around here close by nine? Unless she is trying to take me to a bar. I swallow hard, the place is more like a meat market than anything else. So many strange people. So many bad people, so many good people that shouldn’t be there mingling with the bad. I frown to myself and feel a trickle of sweat tickle my arm. Am I already that anxious? I shift from the couch and look down at the box of cereal. I am not looking forward to this. I thought and rose to my feet.

I would spend much of the day milling about tidying up various things. I had left so much unclean throughout my depression. Each movement and each step I forced myself to clean. My body groaned and was not limber for the task. I brush my hair back letting out another sigh. I seem to do that a lot of sighing these days. I’ve got a lot to be annoyed about, but I really should try to start looking at the bright side of some things. I look over my shoulder at a pile of dishes, a wall of recycling, and clothes everywhere in my room. A frown creases it’s way across my face. I really have let myself go. I start by picking up the clothes. Memories of my time with him enters my mind. I shake them free, but the more I pick up my clothes the more my fantasies get the best of me. I pause in the room and stare blankly. I had to get out of here.

My usual rituals for going out normally doesn’t take me long. I don’t care much for my appearance anymore so I just throw anything on. I grabbed for a clean skirt and blouse. Then made my way to the bathroom. There I had a quick shower. The warm water was almost revitalizing. Something about water always had a profound effect on me. I catch myself from sighing then accidentally spray myself in the face with my body wash. I rub my eyes irritated and cursing, but the bottle simply slips from my grasp and onto the bathtub floor. I fumble for it all the while my eyes burning and searing like two devils were merrily jabbing my eye sockets. I grasp the bottle and try to wash myself despite my eyes feeling like they could blast hot beams of liquid death from them.

In time I found myself outside my apartment, my coat buttoned up and bound tightly. I flick out my hair from the collar then make my way. The cool air bit at my legs. I wanted to complain, but I was the idiot who chose a skirt. I toughed it out and made my way into town. All around me there seemed to be people moving in and out of shops. It was Christmas after all, but this was ridiculous. I make my way around the massing swarms of drones and into an alley. I walk quietly there and turn quickly to the library. When I enter I realize immediately that I am the only dork in there. I gaze around and then make my way quickly to a computer. I search for books about depression, then felt that was too depressing. So I started browsing books on kittens. Kittens can’t be depressing can’t they? I make my way through the aisles to see a few students chuckling over a book.

I was somewhat happy that I wasn’t the only dork in the library. I looked at each of the students. One was tall with short dark hair, he seemed to try his hardest to grow a moustache, but was failing miserably. Instead it looked like he got slapped in the face by a dust bunny. I gaze at the other student who’s hair was blonde and shaggy. He had a soft smile on his face, the kind that makes a person smile when you see it. I found myself smiling and then made my way to the kittens. I collect the first book I see and flip through the pictures. I grin to myself stupidly, page after page I giggle quietly. Eventually one of the students approaches me. I look up at him, as I had found myself slide down the bookshelf and onto the floor.
“You like cats huh?” I tense up. Why is he talking to me? I look around myself then back up to him.

“Not particularly.” I say stupidly closing the book. I try to reinstate some dignity, but the position I was in was both uncomfortable and difficult to rise up from.

“I see,” he was turning awkward as was the situation. Every fibre of my being was telling the guy to beat it. Instead to be polite I try to think of some kind of conversation. Anything at all. “Well,” he said suddenly. “Sorry to bother you, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Did my eyes play tricks on me or was he genuinely upset. I stare stupefied as he made his way back to his friend. The friend clapped him on the back of the head and soon the pair had made their way from the library.

What an odd encounter I thought. I looked down at my book then opened again. Strange that he’d approach me. No one ever does that. I begin grinning like a fool once more. Before I knew it even more time had passed. I stretch then looked around quietly. The library felt eerie with no one around. I closed the book and checked my watch. So much time needed to pass and I couldn’t go back to that apartment. I had to do something, something that was more interesting. I made my way through the library and out the door. The cold bit into me hungrily. I pull my scarf around my face and hurry my way down the street and into the holiday crowd.

I assured myself I was not committing suicide, though I heard many shoppers have become somewhat competitive. I enter the mall and proceed with caution. I felt like a part of cover ops dodging people and making my way through. My anxiety began to peak at this point so I shifted myself towards the book store. I browsed around briefly. The smell of books seemed to relax me, but I over hear that books are becoming less and less needed. The man at the counter complained that he could barely keep his store operational with the amount of purchases made. I gaze down at the book I had. In my head I feel I should purchase it, but as I thumbed through my wallet I realize I don’t have money. Not even for a book. I had spent so much before. What a mistake. I thought, I sighed again this time long. I set the book in the shelf. Threads of my hair trickle down my face.

I’ve got such bad karma. I thought to myself and shook my head. I spent the rest of my time browsing. The various stores were crowded and I was somewhat grateful that I wasn’t actually needed to shop. I could see parents desperately grabbing for Xbox, and various other items I didn’t care to purchase even if I had money. Perhaps a PS3 I thought staring at it. I could play a few games on that. Though, despite my thinking that I found myself once again at the PC section. I found myself looking carefully until a larger crowd swelled in. The smell of terrible body odour invaded my senses. What was it about comic shops and game stores and body odour. I make my way out and gasp for air. The sky outside had darkened and once again I had missed out on most of the day.

I didn’t care, the sun is like a lazy couch potato at this time of the year. Shows up briefly then goes “Sorry guys, I am done.” Then drops below the horizon. I had no patience for the lazy, even if it was the sun. I made my way to the meeting place. Starbucks always Starbucks. I hate Starbucks, there coffee is pretentious not to mention the whole environment is pretentious. Yet Mandy likes her Starbucks despite the fact that she is lactose intolerant and the lattés she gets makes her somewhat ill. She flags me down immediately. Part of me wants to flee, but she rises up and grasps my arm. I squirm not wishing for such close contact.

“Ho ho, you’re not getting away from me.” she said and dragged me to the table. I sat down with a sign. “You’ve been doing a lot of that lately.” I knew exactly what she meant.

“I have reason to.” I said flatly and my frown was so apparent that she didn’t pursue the topic. She stirred her latte and I grinned quietly at the future rush to the washroom. The two of us sit quietly briefly. I crumple up my hands and set them in my lap.
“So I was thinking we could go to a club.” I frown such a large frown my lips probably skewered the poor couple next to me. “Now come on, don’t turn this down you promised.”

“I don’t like that stuff, I don’t like booze, I don’t like people on booze, and I don’t like clubbers.” I protest, but Mandy was not hearing any of it. She grinned to me saying that I didn’t have a choice then sipped from her latte. I secretly cursed her she knows I hate those places, but she felt it was the best place to meet people. Sure it’s been a while since the break up, but I am not really interested in meeting people. My thoughts lead to anxiety, which sure enough lead to sweat. I rub my brow, and wish the sweat appeared in places I could deal with it. Cold droplets touch my inner arms. I looked to Mandy probably visibly horrified.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re that afraid to go there?” My face said it all. I frowned weakly. I’ve not had good experiences. I didn’t want to go, I rose from my seat as Mandy rose up behind me. “Where are you going?” I look over my shoulder.

“Home.” I sounded defeated, but I simply don’t wish to mingle with people I don’t trust. I apologised to Mandy who called me a coward indirectly. “I don’t see how not wanting to sell myself like cheap goods is being cowardly.” My voice was possibly sharper than I intended it to be. Mandy looked hurt, but I felt so awkward I didn’t know what to do. I made my way out and down the stairs. I felt stupid, I would apologise to her later. I’m not cut out for those kind of social settings nor did I approve of them. When I was old enough to drink I turned down every offering. I sighed again the sound of which only seeks to further my self-loathing. I push my way through the holiday crowd. My stomach growls loudly, I gaze about embarrassed. No one seems to take notice. Though no one never really does. A cool wind blew through the streets and I found myself hustling towards my home. I turn down the alley when a dark body slams into me and vanishes into the darkness. I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen not even an apology. I shook my head at the runner. Stupid holiday crowd I thought with a sour expression. I was now depressed and in pain. I pushed my way down the alley massaging my side, when I caught sight of three men over top of another. My body froze. My fists clenched and I could feel my teeth grind in my mouth.

My luck seems to only get worse. I looked across at the men who were kicking the person on the ground. I move forward. Do I be like everyone else? Do I pretend like I see nothing? I continued to walk then found myself pause at the scene. One of the men whose breath wreaked terribly looked at me and got in my face.

“Got a problem?” I shook my head stupidly, then I caught sight of the person they were kicking. It was the student from the library. My eyes widened, and the guy seemed to notice that. “You know him?” I shook my head in a panic and tried to move away. He gripped my wrist and I found myself halted completely. My heart pounded in my chest and sweat was shivering down my waist and arms. The fear was gripping me tightly.

“I don’t know him, I don’t know what is happening between you two,” my voice chokes and almost vanishes entirely. The boy agrees saying he doesn’t know me. That he probably reminded me of someone. I nodded in agreement. However, the man gripped me tighter. I clenched my teeth and looked at him. In all people there exists two sides. And one side is often referred to as the shadow side. My eyes narrow, and I gaze at the man. “Let me go.” my voice had changed. The man looked to me and tried to insult me. However, I broke from his grip quickly. “I don’t like your kind touching me.” It came over me more, that energy that feeling. I was gaining adrenaline and the more I got the more I trusted myself. The guy went to grasp me again, but I rotated my wrist and struck his palm inwards. The action startled him and greatly damaged his wrist.

I dropped my stance and shifted my legs apart. My arms immediately moving into position. A position that I had forgotten, but my body still remembered. The man went to slap me, but I strike him aside, I rotate his momentum in the direction he wanted to go and launched him from me. The other two looked at me in surprise. “Get lost.” I said sharply. The one who was their leader had found himself rising from the ground dizzy. If I had done that to him, they probably felt that I could do more to them. They left the boy spiting him as they went. I rose from my stance and rubbed my arm. My body was not used to Taiji anymore. I walked over to the boy he was a mess. Blood was everywhere, I crouched down beside him. “Would you like me to call an ambulance?”

“No please don’t.” I blinked at him strangely. I moved back when he rose to his feet. His hand looked horribly bruised, his face was black and swollen.
“You should probably go to the hospital.” the boy shook his head. His steps were swayed and he couldn’t stay straight. I steadied him myself.
“You’re the cat lady…” He came to realize looking at me in my face. I nodded my head somewhat embarrassed. I hadn’t given up on love yet. I wasn’t a cat lady yet damn it! I smiled weakly despite myself then helped him from the alley. “Okay, thanks for your help.”
“I really thi-”
“I can’t go to the hospital.” I blinked curiously then touched his shoulder stopping him.
“Why not?”
“It will cost me and I can’t afford it.” I smiled to him. I guided him back into the alley.

“This is Canada it won’t cost you anything.” He shook his head and said he wasn’t a citizen. He was instead a student who was studying here. I didn’t bother asking him where he was from. I realized that it would cost him some money, though foreign students do get some coverage. “You don’t have enough for a check up?” He shook his head. “Why?” he looked to me then down at the road.

“My parents cut my funding. I have failed too much.” I didn’t want to get into more uncomfortable details. I’ve had enough problems from people’s parents. I nodded slowly then guided him. I had no idea what came over me, but I worried he’d go back to his dorm and not take care of himself.

“I assume you don’t have a first aid kit at your dorm.” he nodded. I knew it, I had one at mine when I was in school. I lead him down the alleyway. I gazed at the spot where he was being assaulted. “Do you know who those people are?” he nodded again, he seemed very docile. “We’re going to report them okay?” he looked up to me then begged me not to. His bloody hands gripped my coat. He winced and pulled his hand away. I sigh again shaking my head at him.

“This is what I will do then.” I said finally after we had walked someway in silence and I realized I was leading him home. The fact that he went along with me without question or protest confused me. His attention was one hundred percent mine. “I will patch you up the best I can.” he nodded in agreement. “Then I am going to report the assault.” Again he begged me not to. “As a witness, not as someone calling for you.” He ceased to beg and seemed to be okay with that idea. I had wondered who those people were and why they were picking on him. I guided him to the apartment, the old man who normally seems to always be leaving as I am entering approached. His eyes shot immediately to the boy. “Could you not say anything?”

“You’ve got a strange taste in men, and a younger one too.” I frown at him, “I have bandages if you need them, though I think you should be in the hospital.” He said to the young man. The student shook his head, gave the same pleas as before. The old man gazed at him quietly then felt a internal tug. “Well you’re in good hands anyway.” The man didn’t want any more part in this, his cigarette was calling him and having to deal with a bloody mess must be unpleasant. We entered, I rushed across the lobby tugging the student with me. I quickly pushed the elevator button.
“The stairs is faster.” he said, but I gazed at his legs then shook my head. The elevator doors opened and with a sigh of relief there was no one inside. I pushed the button to my floor and guided the student up with me. We stood in awkward silence, the sounds of his laboured breath worried me. I wanted to call an ambulance. Perhaps sedate him and call an ambulance. His nose was definitely broken, his arm probably a bruised bone. I was sizing up his injuries until the elevator stopped. I guided him out and found myself tugging him quickly down the hall. I didn’t want my landlord to see I was bringing boys home. I didn’t want gossip.

I pushed him in and closed the door behind me. “Sit there” I said gesturing at the table in the dining room. I toss off my purse and set my keys on top of them. I take off my coat quickly and toss it on the pile. I rolled up my sleeves and immediately made my way to the first aid kit. What in the world was I doing. I couldn’t let him wander back, though schools do have nurses. I look at my watch.
“They close up shop after five.” the student answered as if knowing what I was thinking. I lowered my arm and opened the kit. I began boiling water and setting up bandages. “Isn’t that a little much.”

“No.” I answered flatly and began removing his jacket. When he gave me a sly grin, I flicked his forehead and told him to do it himself. I crossed my arms and paced slowly, but it was clear he couldn’t do it on his own. I frowned made my way over to him and began helping him. His blue eyes looked up and a sly grin moved across his face. I pinched his cheek which made him cry out. “Behave.” I said flatly again. I then set his coat in the sink. I didn’t want to get blood everywhere. I was grateful I did some cleaning. Though his interest in my recycling pile drew me into a terrible embarrassment.

“You’ve got a really nice place here. Quite big. Weird that you’d have all this on your own.” His words stung, but I try not to show it. His expression immediately told me I failed. He lowered his head feeling stupid for running his mouth. I dabbed his face first to clean the blood off. I kept biting my lip as I did it. The sight of blood made me ill. I didn’t like it, and I would have been a nurse if it wasn’t for the sight making me dizzy. Not to mention the terrible hours one would have to work. I just couldn’t do it. In time though I was putting my training to good use. A mixture of Chinese medicine and nursing techniques. In time I would have the student bandaged up as best I could.

“You’re lucky, no breaks save for your nose.” I said checking him over. “You’ll have to have some kind of plastic surgery if you want that fixed.”
“I think it makes me look tough.” he smiled sheepishly, but with his shaggy blonde hair, round face, and pale blue eyes there was no way he could look tough. It made him look awkward. I brushed my fingers through my hair then began tidying up the items back in the kit. As I expected the old man didn’t come to supply bandages. He’s good with words, but not with action. Typical with men I found. I look over my shoulder to see him laying his head on my table.

“I think you can make it home now.” I said urging him to leave. There is no way he could stay here. There was no way I could cook for two people. He gazed up at me and told me he didn’t want to go back. His defiance annoyed me. This was my house I’ll say when he can stay or leave. He could see my annoyance and he rose up quickly.

“How about this… wait wait” I moved towards the door to show him the way out. “I pay for dinner, it can be anything you want. Just don’t make me go back.”

“Why not?” I asked. He looked up to me seeming troubled. “You’ve got the count of three to answer me or I am tossing you out. I don’t even know your name.” the student sighed and made his way to me.

“My name is Nikolai, but I can’t tell you why I can’t go back.” I eyed him up. I didn’t trust secrets or hidden facts. He seemed uncomfortable at my gaze. “Dinner, desert, and a movie?”
“That sounds like a date.” I protested.
“It’s not.” I raise an eyebrow at him. “Well what do you say?”
“You’re trying to stay the night here, I can’t do that I don’t know you.” I gestured for him to leave then he made his way close to me. I backed away, but the door would cease my retreat.
“I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“No.”
“I’ll sleep in the closet.”
“What the hell.” my face contorted trying to figure this guy out. Why was he being attacked, who was the person that ran past me? “If you don’t tell me anything you can’t say here. I’ve had enough of guys traipsing about into my life. Lying their way to whatever agenda they have, then traipsing off.” I set my hands on my hips.

“I understand, I could tell you were hurt.” he said, I took him as manipulative at this point. I couldn’t trust anyone how could I? This world seemed to be filled with so many people who use one another. “I can’t go back. Do you remember my friend the one with dark hair.” I nodded, “If I go back things will get ugly again.”

“What do you mean.” he frowned he was hoping I would let up, but I wouldn’t. He asked me if I could shut the door. I did, but I stood in front of the door folding my arms across my chest.

“I covered for a friend, and now I am in deep water because of it.” I urged him to tell me more, and when he protested I told him that he was asking for me to trust him. That the only way I could trust someone is if they’re completely open with me. He nodded slowly then gazed over his shoulder as if someone was watching him. “My friend’s brother is in a gang. For some reason my friend needed money. The thing is he stole some of their money.” I frown at this point I was not believing his story. My disbelief made him panic. “You’ve got to believe me.”

“Why would he steal money from his brother? Why would you need to cover for him?” I had many questions, and he didn’t have enough answers. “I’m finished with this charade.” I said and opened the door. “This is the thanks I get for helping you I suppose.” Nikolai lowered his head and hesitantly left the apartment. I closed the door behind me and exhaled so loudly I sounded tired. I stood at the door briefly and thought over his story. How ridiculous. I rubbed my brow and shook my head wondering if all men were liars. I made my way to the couch and then remembered my stomach grumbling before. All of the excitement made me forget. I moved to my cupboards, but could find nothing. Nikolai’s coat lay drenched in blood in the sink. I sighed and knew I would have to step outside once more.

I plucked up his coat as well as my coat and keys. Instead of taking my purse I collected my card from the wallet and stuffed it all into my pockets. I rubbed my thumb on my card as I made my way down the elevator. When the elevator doors opened up I could see Nikolai sitting on the step outside the building. I stormed over and opened the door. He rose up to see me, part of him seemed overly relieved and incredibly happy. I blinked with surprise nearly taken aback. “I can come in then?” he said “You had a change of heart.” I looked in the direction of the grocery store, then to Nikolai. I tossed his coat at him.

“I was…” I couldn’t speak, the boy actually looked genuinely terrified. I could feel his fear coming from him. “What is going on?”
“I’m telling you, my friend did something stupid. I covered for him thinking it wasn’t anything. Now I have been dragged into it.” I still didn’t trust him. I shifted onto my left leg and crossed my arms.

“You seemed fine at the library.” I retorted, but he shook his head. He exclaimed that it happened after that. That the confrontation that I had walked in on was the aftermath of the events. Then I remembered, the guy who slammed into me must have been his friend. I nod slowly, and despite my better judgement I guide him into the apartment.

It's our one month anniversary and every day has been like a gift to me. I find myself looking forward to new days rather than sleeping for as long as I can so I don't have to face the world. I dedicate this poem to you Hooves, though even these words aren't enough. I am placing it here in public to dispel any doubt you might have.

Spoiler for My Knight:

Was it tears from a seemingly hopeless dream the cause?
A wish over many nights of prayers that stirred fate?
Is it the terror and pain throughout my life, a fortune miss?
Or was it something more than the simple pour of a heart's gate?
I am perplexed by this- a love for someone as weary as me.

He came this day with a shy dismay, and quoted did he:
"I love you Sofiel, I always have for a year it has been."
In shock I stumbled upon my words at a fate never seen.
A love from someone so innocent as thee. Yet here it was
for me to see,despite my confusion a heart I did take.

For I dream of the future and the paths we shall make.
You've given me hope where there is none
You confess to me that I am important and surely the one.
I thought your words innocent and sweet, yet in time we planned to meet.
Could this be happening? I cried, but assured smiles are never fake.

To you I am special, and nothing that I have been told.
I am neither trash, nor useless, my kindness sold.
I could see in your honesty a truth from days of old.
A love so pure it melted my heart that had run cold.
I believe in you who calls himself my knight.

Through each other our dark worlds have become light.
Instead of doubt there is joy, instead of pain- hope.
We stumbled a bit all does so, but we believe.
The two of us can over come anything if we cope.
With societies'pressures and a distances to close.

Our plans in motion our faith strong.
I believe we'll be together in not to long.
When that happens we'll never be alone,
because with each other we'll truly be home.
One month and our love is already so grand.

I work with you hard for both a life anew.
I listen only to my heart.
It is the only thing that is true.
Because the one it contains is you.
Happy Anniversary my dearest love, may there be many more~

Thank you for enriching my life Hoover~ I love all the experiances we've shared throughout the year and a bit we've known each other. I am happy to be yours.