This story of my life fighting drug addiction it is over 6,800 words long and I have put a lot of time, thought and effort into writing it.

My Demon “Drug” of Choice

By: Jennifer (Romano) Wilson

Mabank, TX

Hi, you are probably wondering why I am telling you my story. I have always said since I decided to stop using speed (methamphetamines) that I would tell my story to a million people if that is what it would take to keep one person from ever touching or using any hard drug, especially speed. It has destroyed me! It cost me my marriage to my first love, a good relationship with my children, up to this point of my life while using Meth, I also lost the trust of family and friends. Well I now have a good relationship with my children & family. I have also gained some of their trust back. But it has taken me a year and a half to get the trust back that I have now. Speed almost cost me the life of my younger daughter. I am always willing to help someone else as long as they are willing to help themselves.

I have been using crystal meth (SPEED) since February of 1999. To some people that might not be along time, but to me it is. I do not remember exactly when I started shooting (also known as bumping, Slamming and/or main streaming) it but I am pretty sure it was only a few months after I did meth for my first time or maybe even sooner than that. I remember thinking “cool, a drug that only stays in your system for a few days, unlike pot. I can stay up for hours and lose weight without even trying very hard.” I lost a lot of weight, but as soon as I stopped I gain almost 50 pounds in two months. Up until this point in my life I had only smoked weed, smoked cigarettes and drank alcohol once in awhile, nothing a whole lot, just every now and then. I had only been smoking weed for a few months when I decide to try harder drugs. I do know that in the following years it was awful and things only got worse and never better till I decided to stay clean and get off of the drugs completely, then they did get better. But it was very slowly. And it did not happen all at once. I had to work hard at staying clean. While I was using I was always paranoid that someone was watching me or trying to hurt me. Thinking I saw something that was never really there in the first place. I just swore something was lurking in the shadows. Now I know why they call meth users skitzers, because, we (meth addicts) act like people with schizophrenia. You can take a really nice person and put them on speed and they will completely turn into a monster. I know I have seen it happen to a few people I know.

I lived in Colorado from March of 1995 to October of1998. I lived with my Dad and Step mom from March of 1995 till February of 1998. I moved out then (actually I ran away) and moved in with friends because I was a teenager that thought I knew more than anyone else, especially my Dad and Step mom. I think I moved 9 or ten times from February of 1998 till I moved back down to Texas. I quickly learned that it was not easy living out on your own. I realized that I was wrong and that I wanted to go home but I was to head strong to admit it. I moved to Texas because I found out that I was pregnant and when I told my boyfriend at the time that I was pregnant with his baby he told me that he wanted me to have an abortion. He said he was not ready to be a father. I did not think my Dad and Step mom would let me move back there and I did not want to have an abortion so I called my mom and told her I wanted to come back home. She left the next afternoon after I told her what he said and told her that I did not want to have an abortion. I was told that I could no longer live there with him if I did not have an abortion. She arrived in Denver, Colorado the morning after she left. I loaded all the stuff that I owed in her pickup and we headed back down to Texas. We made it back there the next evening. All this happened towards the end of October of 1998.

I got with my husband (now ex-husband) Jr. in November of 1998. We had known each other since we were nine. He was my first love and my first everything. I remember thinking in high school I would never do drugs, because they are bad for you and they will hurt you, and was told they might even kill me and they almost did. In elementary school I remember Isaiah Robertson coming to my school in Mabank, Texas and talking to me about drugs and his life before drugs, during drugs and after drugs. I decided then that I would not touch them because I did not want to end up like that. I remember what other members of my family went through and might still be going through with my Uncle Eddy and his drug addictions. He would steal anything from anyone to get money for drugs. I ended up being the same way and doing the same things. I also never said anything to anyone else when my ex husband did it either. And when confronted I would deny it till I was blue in the face and I would defend my ex husband in the same way if they tried to blame him. My Uncle Eddy did not even care who you were, or what of yours he took from you. He even stole my piggy bank once to get drugs. He stole painkillers from his own mother (my Grandmother) before she passed away. She had MS (Multiple Sclerosis) and he stole her Morphine. I remember all the bad things my family would say and still say about him and the things he would do to support his addiction. Now, I wonder if they ever said or thought those things about ME!

I remember thinking “I never want to do drugs.” Well, when I did try them I liked them A LOT a WHOLE Lot. I wanted more and I did not care how I got them or who I hurt in the process if getting them. All I know is, I wanted meth and I would do just about anything to get it. From there it all went down hill. And it went down hill very fast. When Jr. and I first got together we lived with his mom. I was pregnant when we got together, but I lost that baby on December 5, 1998 due to complications. I still had never done a drug at this point. Not even smoked weed. The first time I ever touched an illegal drug it was pot (marijuana) and I did not touch it until after I had my DNC because of the miscarriage I had. We still lived with his Mom and Sister at this point. It was shortly after that I smoked pot. My Mom did not like the living conditions over there at his mom’s and she told me that Jr and I could move in over at her house. That is when we moved in with my Mom and Step dad. That was about a week before Christmas. After the first of the year and towards the end of January of 1999, is when we started doing hard drugs, but only when my husband and I would have the extra money to do it. He was working, I was not. So you know just how often we had the extra money to do drugs. We did cocaine and speed. And we still smoked weed. First we started snorting the hard drugs. I remember snorting my first line with a one hundred-dollar bill. Then, we smoked them off foil, out of a light bulb or even out of a glass pipe. Then Income Tax return time came and we bought a lot of drugs. This is around the time I shot up for my first time and when I shot up my first time, I remember the feeling of it like it was yesterday! Oh, the rush of it! The way Dope (Speed) made me feel I will never forget. OH BOY that is a feeling no one can EVER forget! That sound of the "Train". Anyone who has shot Meth or Coke knows what I talking about. The feeling you get and it warms your body from head to toe. It is hard to explain. That taste in the back of the mouth. How you can feel it go though your body. When you would bump it you could feel it when the meth got to your heart. It would feel like was going to jump right of your chest. We would even mix Cocaine and Meth sometimes when we would shoot up drugs. I believe that is called a speedball.

We got our first place together in February of 1999. We had someone we knew to move in with us to help with the bills. That is also when we had our first “run in” with the police in March of 1999. We kicked out the roommate because she wasn’t helping with the bills or anything else. All she wanted to do was party and have fun and sleep in between all this. She got mad because we kicked her out and she called the cops and told them we were getting six pounds of speed delivered to our house that night. Anyone that knows anything about drugs knows that is a lot of drugs in one place at one time. The police showed up and we allowed them to search our house. They found a light bulb, roach clips and some prescription Pondimin pills (also known as Fen phen) that were my mother’s. At this time Pondimin had been taken off of the market because researchers found out that it could cause major heath problems. From my research about Pondimin it was basically a prescription pill form of meth. The pills got mixed up in my stuff when we moved out of my parents’ house and into the house of our own. But, since the pills were my mother’s pills and they were in my house I got charged with possession of a controlled substance. We lost our place to live and moved in with his mother. I now get to deal with that arrest for the rest of my life. It will always be on my arrest record and my criminal record unless I have it esponged off of my records.

I found out on April 16, 1999, my 19th birthday, that I was pregnant with our first child. The hard drugs stopped for me right then and there. I only smoked weed once in awhile during my pregnancy, but now I know that was just as bad as anything else was. In September 1999 I was put on probation for those pills. Imagine the looks I got walking into court six months pregnant for possession of a controlled substance charge. I had my little girl on December 5, 1999, exactly one year after I had my miscarriage. I could not wait to do a "Bump." I remember that. After that next bump is when I wanted it real bad. All the time and as much as I could get. We moved out of my husband's family place in February 2000 and got a trailer of our own in a town not too far away. The town we moved to is Athens, TX. I thought we were actually going to get somewhere in life this time. That was until we met our first famous "Dope Cook" and my husband became the runner for him. We took him everywhere he needed to go and in return we got “free dope”--what a great deal we had going on or at least that is what we thought! We actually got married on March 26, 2000. For a wedding present our “dope cook” gave us two 8 balls of speed. Boy did we ever have fun that night! We lost our place to live in early May of 2000 because we used all the drugs he gave us instead of selling some to pay bills. We had to move in with my mom and step-dad again. We kept on doing the “running” for the cook for a few more months. When we got married I thought we would be married forever, but I was wrong.

On June 6th of 2000 I found out that I was pregnant again with our second child. I do remember I thought, "Oh, boy-- what are we going to do now?" We kept running him around for dope for my husband and money or what ever I needed for me since I was pregnant. I did not do any hard drugs for three months. Then my husband went to jail for the next six months. He was pulled over for no front license plate and was arrested because he had a warrant for his arrest and he went to jail Labor Day weekend in September of 2000. I cheated on my husband soon after he got locked up because the guy had some meth and I wanted some too. I started shooting up again while I was pregnant and he was locked away. I was shooting up with the guy I was cheating on my husband with. I only cheated on him with one guy our whole marriage. I still do not know to this day what possessed me to shoot speed while I was pregnant. I guess it was my addiction. But the past is the past and I can not change it. I just have to live with it and move on. In fact, the night I went in to labor I had shot some speed and I think that is what made me go into labor. She was born six weeks early on December 12th, 2000. She only weighed 4 lbs. ¼ (.25) oz. I had meth in my system of course, but when they did the drug test on the baby and her placenta they found no traces of any drugs. What a miracle! She only had to spend two weeks in the hospital. And there was nothing wrong with her. They kept her because she could not keep her body weight. In the hospital CPS came in and gave her to my mom. I got her back in January 2001. I did not even stop after all that. I still kept using.

Jr. got out of jail in March of 2001. And immediately we went back to doing speed together. CPS called me again in April 2001 because I was going to go to jail for violating my probation and they needed to place my children with someone (My Parents) other than my husband because he had been using too. CPS knew that we had been using together during those months. He got popped his first drug test a few days after I had to turn myself into jail. And he had to leave the house because he failed it and then lied about taking the drugs. While I was in jail I think I received two letters during the whole time I was in there. I sent letters to everyone I could think of and no response. I was heart broken. I did not even get a letter from my mom. NO one came to visit me. CPS would not allow my mom or step-dad to write me or come see me and no one could bring the girls to come visit me while I was locked up. I really felt forgotten, like I fell off the earth and no one cared that I was gone. I turned myself into Henderson County Jail and they transferred me to Upshur County Jail because that is one of the other jails that held prisoners for Henderson County Jail. I got out in June of 2001 and I did not get my kids back until July or August of 2001. When I got out I had to go get MY HUSBAND from another woman’s house that he was sleeping with and doing drugs with while I was locked up. Come to find out he cheated on me a lot while we were married. That was where I should have left him! But I didn’t. Hindsight is 20/20 though. We moved into his mom’s house together, without our kids. Another mistake I made. I should have stayed with my children at my parent’s house. I have no clue what I was thinking. I told him on Father’s Day in June of 2001 that I had cheated on him. Boy the fighting was on from there. We would split up and get back together again. This was off and on until we got our divorce.

We got our kids back and kept on using METH. We moved out of his mom’s house and into my parent’s house in October of 2001. My ex-husband, Jr., got a job working not too far from the house. There is where he ran in to someone we both knew in high school. We found out that he smoked weed and speed also. After that we started hanging out with him and his wife. Gerry’s wife, Lauren and I became best of friends. Lauren knew Gerry smoked weed, but she did not know he smoked speed. After awhile she was starting to suspect he was doing more than just weed. Gerry asked me to tell his wife he was doing speed and asked me to try to salvage his marriage. One weekend we went over there. Jr. and Gerry left to go find some dope and I told Lauren what Gerry was doing. She was very upset. This next part is where I went wrong, so very wrong! I told her she should try it (meth). After many hours of talking about it, she did. She smoked out of a light bulb and off tin foil. She liked it! Now, I realized she was instantly hooked. We all hung out and partied. Then Gerry started shooting speed behind Lauren’s back. Lauren was still only smoking at this point.

I entered College for the spring semester of 2002 trying to straighten my life out. Well that did not happen. We split up again in March of 2002. The day we split up this time he pushed me down and knocked my head on a tree, which caused me to get 3 staples in the back of my head. We split up because he thought I was cheating on him again, which I wasn’t. That is what started the whole fight. Someone told him they thought I might be cheating on him and his high on meth mind told him I was. This happened the day before our second wedding anniversary, March 25, 2002. Then he moved into his sister’s and I stayed at my parents for a couple of days. We decided to try to work things out and I moved in with him over at his sister’s. He had starting hanging out with another dope cook. Well he came over and wanted us to take him to another dope cooks house in Trinidad. We took him over there. And while we were there me and my husband fell asleep on his couch and I left the keys on a coffee table and while we were sleeping the first dope cook stole my car, which had my purse and my husband’s cell phone in it. When we got the car back my purse was in it but my driver’s license was missing out of it. Because of all this and the fact I lost my car I had to drop out of college for the first time.

My grandmother that had MS died in May of 2002. I went to go see her shortly before she died. When my mom came over to Jr’s sister’s house to tell me to pack my stuff, that we were leaving that night to drive to Las Vegas to see my Grandmother before she died, I had just done a bump like an hour before she got there. My kids and I went to Las Vegas and Jr stayed in Texas. I came back a week later and she died a week after that. When I found out that my grandmother had died my husband was out on a dope cook. I left messages everywhere I could think of to tell him to get home because I needed him. It took him another four hours to get home after he got the message. And boy was he really mad at me for leaving messages everywhere and with everyone looking for him to tell him to come home. He said it was not his problem that my grandmother died. I still to this day think he was out doing something other than cooking dope. He had not changed clothes and he did not have that dope cook smell to him. I still say he smelled like another woman’s perfume.

I tried to kill myself in June of 2002 and CPS stepped back in my life AGAIN and took the girls away again. I spent three days in ICU. I had taken enough ambien to kill 5 grown men. And on top of that I had taken a dozen Tylenol PM. When I got home from the hospital my husband and I continued to use drugs. In July 2002 we all got kicked out of his sister's place because it was being foreclosed on. We moved in with another “dope cook” we knew. We lost contact with Gerry and Lauren at this point. Boy, the things I learned while we lived there! I could never forget. Some of the people I met really SCARED ME! I learned never to look people in the eye that you do not know. We lived there until September 2002. His mom came and rescued us. I thought my prayers had been answered. We moved out of there and in with his mom. We got our girls back shortly after we moved back in with his mom. When we got there he also wanted to go out and “hustle” to get drugs. He wanted to “hustle” drugs to make money to get diapers for the girls rather than borrowing some money from my mom to get them. This is the last time I really remember dealing with CPS at all.

I left my husband on 15th of September-two days before his birthday. I left him because of a letter I got in the mail from CPS. When one of our friends that just happened to be a major dope cook around here found out that I was quitting and that I had left Jr., he told everyone not to sell to me and not to even give me any. While we were separated, Jr. ran into Gerry and Lauren again. He and Gerry talked Lauren into trying the needle. I know this because she called me and told me all about it. And then she wanted me to come over and visit. I told her “no I couldn’t, because I had decided that it wasn’t a good idea to go over there. This is around the same time I relapsed in November of 2002 and I only did it one time, but that is all it takes. I went over to this person’s house to find out what had happen to a friend of mine that was in the hospital and he told me that he had died. He offered me a bump and I took it. I went home and thought about what I had just done. And kicked myself in the butt for it when I came down! But I had done it and I could not take it back. I did really well for awhile.

I stayed clean from October of 2002 to July of 2003. During this time I actually completed a semester of college. I found out that my husband (soon to be ex-husband) was in Henderson County Jail and was possibly looking at going prison for a few different charges. I found this out in like June of 2003.

I relapsed in July 2003. It happened at Gerry and Lauren’s house. I just went over there to say hi. I knew better than to go over there. I knew they were still using and I knew they were shooting it too. I think that in the back of my head I wanted to relapse. I went over there thinking I was strong enough to say” no” if I had to. As it turns out, I wasn’t. Surprise! I went over there and started wanting it. I was even the one that mentioned getting some. We went and found it. I found someone who had some dope AND a brand new point (needle)! Oh boy, did I think I was in heaven! But I wasn’t. My boyfriend (Now ex-boyfriend - Named Joe) at the time found out where I was and he knew I had a real bad past with METH. He knew what I was doing but I denied it for about 8 hours. He would call constantly. He wouldn’t let me get off the phone and when he did he would call back 10 minutes later. I could not handle lying to him anymore. I told him the truth. He hung up the phone on me only after he called me a few more choice names.

About that time is when that “dope cook” friend of mine showed up over there with another “dope cook” that I knew. They found out I was back in the area and found out that I got drugs from someone and wanted to know who gave them to me. When I heard him (The first “dope cook) hollered my name I knew I was in trouble. OH BOY was I in trouble. He also had another friend with him. I tried to hide it from them by running down the hallway into my friend’s room but it did not work. They both knew I was there and were hollering for me to come see them. I went back down the hallway and sat next to the one I knew the best. He asked to see my arms and I did not want to show him. I had marked up my arms pretty bad trying to find a vein. But I finally found it only after I made myself look like a pincushion first. I did not want to show them to him because I was ashamed of what they looked like and the fact that I had relapsed again. He made me look at what I done to myself. Then he called my boyfriend and told him to come pick me up because I was too high to drive all the way back home. And he told him not to let me come back to that area for ANY reason and he told him to tell me that when I came down from my high. When my boyfriend came and got me I was scared he was going to yell and scream at me some more. But he just took me home. He did not yell at me or call me any bad names. He just helped me get ready for bed and held me all night.

I found out in June of 2003 that my husband was being charged with three different felonies. One was burglary of a habitation (someone else’s house), another was burglary of a building and the other one was sexual assault of a minor. When we were separated he decided that he wanted a 15 year old girl over me. Well the sexual assault got dropped due to the lack of evidence. The 15 year old refused to testify. That was not a surprise. Jr plea bargained off the Burglary of a habitation charge off and was only charged with Burglary of a building. He was high on Meth when he committed these crimes and was looking for money or something he could sell to get more drugs. My ex husband got his papers saying I was filing for a divorce in July of 2003. He was in Henderson County jail waiting to be transferred to the Texas Department of Criminal Justice prison system. Boy was he ever mad. I tried to go back to college again the fall semester of 2003 and it did not work. I had to drop out because of all the stress.

Well my husband and I got the final divorce on October 20th, 2003. He was still in prison at this time. I thought I had closed that chapter of my life for good until I started smoking weed again In April 2004. A good friend at the time came over in June when he found out and told me that I would be back on the needle in less then six months. This good friend is actually an ex-boyfriend of mine that is named Kevin. I stayed clean from meth until August of 2004. I made it a year and thought everything was down hill from here. Boy was I ever wrong! A "dope cook" (my now ex-husband) got out of prison in July of 2004. I thought I could say no to it. But when it is right there in front of your face that is when it is SO hard to say "NO". I smoked it at first. Then I shot it AGAIN. I lied to my boyfriend (Now Ex-boyfriend - named Jon) about it and hid it from him for six weeks. I know I should not have done it. I knew before the needle even left my arm that I should not have done it. I have shot it a few times since then and smoked it a few times also. My new “clean date” is November 13, 2004. Boy was that was a mistake to even TRY it again! I “now” battle those awful cravings to do it again. I don’t crave it as much as I used to. I am scared they will become real bad again. I also watched my boyfriend go from saying he “hated” needles and would never put one or let someone put one in one of veins. Now he prefers shooting METH. It scares me. To see someone flip like that makes me realize just how powerful this drug is.

I’ve already lost one man I loved to this evil drug. Now I am scared I am going to lose two. Which in the end, I did. The place where I live is referred to as "Speeder Creek Lake” in a really small town in Texas about 60 miles South East of Dallas. Back in July, I had a really good friend of mine murdered because of this drug. It was the dope friend of mine that showed up at the house where I was when I relapsed in July of 2003. I have seen this drug do NOTHING but tear “my world” and everyone else's “world” it touches apart. Meth will make your life a living hell. I do not think you can judge this drug unless you have been on it or know someone who has. I am not saying, “Go out and do it.” Please do not do that. Because it only takes once and you could be hooked (addicted). I have done the “picking” and left sores all over my body. Now they are commonly known as Meth bumps or “bugs”. I have had the suicidal thoughts on more than one occasion. I thought people were out to get me. I have made a complete fool of myself on more than one occasion. I never thought I would do this drug again. I guess the saying “once an addict always an addict” is true. What I am saying is learn from other mistakes and NEVER try this drug. And if you do decide to try it remember all it takes is just once.

The biggest step is to ADMIT and ACCEPT you have a problem. From there it is all up to the individual person. METH is my DOC (Drug of Choice). Demon of Choice is what I call it and that is what it is… a choice and a demon all rolled into one. Some people even call meth the Devil’s Drug. No one caused these relapses but me. Trust me; I have tried blaming a few people. I have chosen this drug over everyone, myself, my children, my parents, my lovers & my close friends, all of whom I have hurt in one way or another because of METH. One of the times my boyfriend and I were smoking METH, I was rude to a mutual friend of ours because I was high on METH and did not want her to know it. I was ashamed for people to see me like that. I have tried to hide it from everyone. But I think the only person I am fooling is ME! I know I am addict. Now, all I have to do is BE more powerful than the drug. I really have to be strong, not only for myself but also for my kids. I have also learned “never say forever” because that is an uncertain amount of time. I just hope to be able to stay clean and not use anymore. I just take it ONE Day at a Time. And look to God for answers. I am still adding and editing this story of mine. I hope this will help who ever may read it. Just remember to Let Go and Let God. And fake it till you make it.

I lost what I thought was my second love to this drug in October of 2004. He could not admit he has a problem with drugs or alcohol. I had to leave him because his is not healthy for me to be with right now. We no longer talk. I realized that he was just using me for what is between my legs. I am now in a 12-step program (AA/NA/Over comers). It is not that in order to recover an addict has to tell his or her story to another addict in order to recover that is so true. I guess that is part of the reason I am writing this is so I can NEVER forget where I have been. And also to never forget that all it would take is one slip and I could be right back into that life style. This is helping me a lot. It is a lot of work to stay clean. There are days I just want to give up. But I can't and won't. The more the stress the more I want to use, but I have not and won’t. I am bound and determined to beat this drug. Sometimes I have to live for the next five minutes and sometimes just for the next second or two. There are a few things that I have to remember and that is the one thing I have to change is everything. That means people, places and things and even ideas. I did not destroy my life in one day, a month or even a year. So it is going to take time to put it back together. I am now back at home, AGAIN, with my parents and I have my kids with me. I am NEVER choosing this drug over my kids again. That is the most important part.

Well I am fixing to get married to a man that has helped me through the last part of my drug addiction. His name is Kevin. He has always been there for me to talk to. We have known each other for a couple of years now and well you could say I am marrying my best friend. When I relapsed the last time he told me I would relapse back to speed when he found out I was smoking pot again In June of 2004. I relapsed back to speed in like two months. I am also fixing to go back to college I can not believe they are actually going to let me in. There is a God and Grace.

We are going to be closing on a house on September 23, 2005. I am also fixing to be going back to college in August. I am so excited. Oh my girls are enrolled in elementary school now. My oldest, Justyne is going in to kindergarten. And Jordan is going into pre-kindergarten. They start school in the middle of August. My life is going to be very busy the next couple of months. My shorter version of my story was put on The Partnership for a Drug-Free America web-site in the end of August 2005. I made it to one year clean on Sunday November 13, 2005.

Well I got remarried on Thanksgiving Day of 2005. This was November 24, 2005. I married Kevin. I am very happy. I am back in college and made a 3.3 this semester in college. I have already planned out my classes for next semester.

I am reenrolled for college this semester. I start January 17, 2006. I have a very busy life. I am hoping to have another awesome year of being clean. I have also already tested out of one of my classes this semester.

Well CPS showed up on my door step January 23, 2006 because someone (my ex mother in law) called and told them I was neglecting my children and doing drugs in front of them. So on January 24, 2006 I had to go take a drug test in their office. I also had to sign a release saying that they can get my kids medical records. This just shows that you past can come back and bite you in the rear end. All I know is I am drug free and I just have to go through the ropes till this thing is done. And the sad part is if she calls again that they will have to come and visit me again. I pasted the drug test and they looked at Jordan’s medical file and said I did everything in a timely manner. I went and got the medical records because I wanted this thing over. They told me that the case was closed on January 31, 2006. It took them One Week One day to close the case on me.

Meth abuse is not just related to a certain type of person. It is also not just used by one certain race. All different kinds of people abuse drugs and/or alcohol in some sort of way. Meth destroys all kind of families. From the rich to the poor and it is abused my every race you can think of. This is an epidemic in our country and I hope my story helps someone else.

I am not just someone you read about. I am a person. I have two little girls. I also have boyfriend that loves me and I love him very much. I have two sets of parents that love me. I also have lots of loving friends and a family that love me too. I did not come from parents that were drug users. I did not live around it when I was a child. When I was a senior in high school I didn’t even know what a joint was, much less crystal meth! That was in March of 1998 and by December of 1998 I was smoking weed. And well you just read the rest of the story. It’s all history. I have put a lot of time and effort into this story and the cleaner I get, the more I remember. Not that it is really weird. So as I remember more I will add more to this story of mine.

__________________WHATEVER!!!!

The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to TxTigger For This Useful Post:

Your story truly reflects the reality of addiction, and all the devastation that comes with it... I admire you greatly with what you have done to improve yourself, and your courage to come forward with this ... I wish my stepson and his girlfriend could read this and it would do some good for them... Thank you for posting!!!!!!!

I enjoyed your story but am confused a bit. In one paragraph you said you got remarried on Thanksgiving Day 2005, then in the last paragraph you talk about having a boyfriend that loves you very much - is he the man you married? I'm so glad that you got your children back after all you had been through for so many years - it is very unusual. Congratulations and STAY clean!

Thank you for sharing your story. My ex who I loved more than anything is a meth addict, he is in inpatient right now. He was clean for 8 months but decided to give it "one more time" well his life spiraled down to nothing, lost his job, his home, CPS took his baby away, etc.. It truly is a horrible, horrible drug and I am happy that you are staying away from it.

Have you thought about going around to middle schools or high schools and sharing your story?

I, too, am glad you shared your story! I recently got a tip that my child is using this with his father (not mine biologically, he's really my nephew, but he's lived with me since he was very young). I am completely lost as to what to do!! He still hasn't admitted it, but I can see the effects it's having on him physically already. A co-worker told me the other day that I should kick him out and forget about him, cause "Once a meth-head, always a meth-head." I can't think like that. And your story shows that there is hope to get off of it, it's just going to be a constant battle. I hope to GOD my boy can get off of it before he ruins his life forever.

Thank you for sharing your battle with us. Even though we try not to judge its so easy to hear about someone being an addict and think its so" easy" to walk away from the drugs and it "easy" to just say no.To hear your words really helps to understand that this is a battle,and it's a long one.Even though its long and hard thanks to you we know it can be won.Bless you and your family.

Congratulations, truely inspiring. I give you alot of credit for turning yourself around and keeping your family together. I can imagine you must be around my age and I certainly could feel your pain as I read this. Again good luck and stay strong. Great story I hope others can read this and be inspired as well.
Heather

As many of you know......I dont know why they keep falling for it, and I remember falling for it myself, but there is no such thing as 'one more time'.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustLisa

Thank you for sharing your story. My ex who I loved more than anything is a meth addict, he is in inpatient right now. He was clean for 8 months but decided to give it "one more time" well his life spiraled down to nothing, lost his job, his home, CPS took his baby away, etc.. It truly is a horrible, horrible drug and I am happy that you are staying away from it.

Have you thought about going around to middle schools or high schools and sharing your story?

Jennifer,Thanks for the proof that Meth CAN be overcome. I hope someday my daughter can write her story too. I especially like what you said about Meth abusers not being a specific type of person. A fellow college dorm dweller introduced my daughter to it. She was in her first year of college, and is now facing a possible 7 year sentence for possession with intent, and armed robbery. All I can hope for is that the time in the county jail she has done so far will help get her clean.

Wow, a truly inspiring person you are to come forth like this and share your life with all of us. I am proud of you and the success you have made. Keep God in your life and you will continue on with great success. I wish my daughter's boyfriend would realize what he is doing. With the pattern of his behavior it's just a matter of time before he is on a runner again. He did take off again last night and was back to the alcohol. My daughter has 6 more weeks until her due date. I pray that with all the stress that she has had during her pregnancy the baby will be ok. I pray that the baby's dad will wake up and know that this life is going to be so totally dependant on them. My daughter has never used drugs and is so anti drug that I don't understand why she deals with what she does. her last 2 boyfriends have been addicts. This one is supposed to be going to rehab in May but the closer it gets the more he is trying to find "excuses" to not go. I realize he has to want to stay clean and sober, but with just a couple of bucks in his pocket and the first thing he does is hit the alcohol. There is so much about addiction that I don't understand and reading your life story about addiction has given me some insight. With my daughter all I can do is love her and pray for the best.
I will keep you deep in my prayers that your life continues on in a positive manner!!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Thank you for sharing your story.I used to use it to but not shoot up. I only smoked it and have not been clean for very long.It's hard and sometimes I think I can not do it, Thank god for my children. And now reading your story i'm hoping it will help.

Hello there! I am still fairly new here and just read your story. I have noticed that you haven't added anymore to this and was wondering how everything was going now for you?? I hope things are going good and that you have chosen to remain clean and sober. Good luck to you

Thank you for your story. I too did not have parents on drugs and was 36 years old before i ever did a line of crank. But in just 2 years my life went very simular to yours except worse. My husband is now incarcerated for manufacturing of a controlled substance. He has 18 more months to go before he can come home. He expects me to be done with it when he comes home. But unless you are locked up and forced to quit it is not easy to do it out here on your own. You are right when you say its all different kinds of people using this drug. Working mothers it gives them the energy to take care of thier kids and housework after they get home and still be able to spend time with thier husbands after kids go to bed and then still be able to go to work next day. But then after a while it starts interfereing and you start missing a day here and there because of lack of sleep and before you know it in half the year you already used up all your vac time. It goes down from there till they lose there job. And as time goes on you start losing more family time until you lose it completely. Right now Im a functioning addict. Since hes been gone iI slowed down and I have been able to use it to get to work every day. I have slowly gotten my family time back too. Im not going to give up till I make it all the way. I keep telling myself I can always go back if I wanted to . Since I cant afford rehabilitation one of my plans is to find a good vitamin to help me replace the energy I miss and also start a exercise program . I need to find some more stories that can give a person some ideas and tell about things that helped them get through it. I have also gone back to college. Anyway I read your story and just wanted to say keep up the good work and I do understand everything you wrote in your story . Its the truth.

thnk you for your story.i have never used METH but i used crack cocaine and it bout killed me.your story gives me hope that i can continue to beat the addiction. i havent used since FEB. 2,2005.my life has never looked better.keep up the good work and you are doing a good thing by telling your story cuz alot of people need to hear it and knwo that they can overcome.

Here it is Sept of 09 My sister is in Virginia facing State incarceration any day now. Your story gives me further insight into the drugs and addictions. I've supported her thus far by letters and listening, but never money because I felt she would just get more drugs. Sure enuff she was and is angry at me because she she doesn't feel anyone loves her. I reassure her over and over," I love you always and forever, but I cannot like what you do when using drugs." To compound this story my hubby (x) of 45 years is sitting in a Texas prison on charges of indencey with a minor, my 9 yr old granddaughter, who by the way lost her mother on her 6th birthday, a healthy 37 yr old loving mother to a heart embellism. While both of my dear family members are wasting their lives, my love for them both continues. And I pray hard for them for us and for the enemy "ADDICTIONS" to lose their hold on them and all who suffer in that horrible world of addiction. Thank you for your inspiring story, it gives me hope to continue and GOD willing I will.

A story that should be shared about the dangers of drugs. Drugs will make a person sell themselves, their children, their family, friends and their souls. I notice this post is a little older. I wonder how this person is doing today. I pray she is still clean and doing well in life.

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Don’t make someone a priority in your life when you’re only an option in theirs.