I made a list almost a decade ago. And now I am going to attend to that list, one item at a time, until I conquer it and all of its implications on my life and the surrounding world as I perceive it...unless I grow bored of it before then; in which case, it will be just another crumpled idea left to litter the antigravity of cyberspace.

Friday, April 20, 2012

AtoZ/Day19 - letter Q

Q is for totally, completely, and pathetically co-dependent. I don't know much about other languages, but in the English language the letter "Q" has an obsessive and (seemingly) nonsensical relationship with the letter "U." Since pre-school, we have been taught that "Q" makes the kwuh sound. So, why the need for the inevitable "U" in most of our Q-words? Is Q incapable of being trusted to begin words on its own? I mean, without U there to supervise, are we in danger of Q running amok, spreading its kwuh all over the place? It's gotta make you think.
In this way, the letter Q actually reminds me of some people I know. The person that comes to mind first and foremost is named Me (she's asian). Me met her husband at the tender age of sixteen; they married before her 20th b-day, and had a (planned) baby boy when Me was twenty-two. Truth be told (and why tell anything else unless answering questions about missing Vicodin): Me was totally self-destructive at sixteen. She wasn't afraid of much, because she hadn't much to lose if she...lost. The man that Me married literally saved her life, but he saved her in other ways, too. Just by loving her when she was incapable of loving herself: he saved her.
Me is a feisty one. She doesn't take shit from anyone and for the most part, never has. But, this characteristic might very well be born more of a quick and lethal temper than anything resembling a brave heart (not that she would want to resemble Mel Gibson; he's a little too hairy and manly; plus, he's kind of a racist and sexist douche bag). The point is: Me will stand up to anyone. She doesn't go looking for a fight, but if the fight comes to her she will meet it head on, and probably with a rage that few have ever witnessed. Yet, when it comes to fighting her own demons -from the inside, out- she's weak (sorry Me if you're reading this, but it's true). She's ill-equipped. She has come a long way in life, no doubt, but Me still floats out -a raftless body- into dark and scary depths from time to time, and just like U for Q, her man is always there, following close by with a life jacket at the helm, ready to toss it out when she fires her flares (i really want to make a fart reference right now, but I'm having a hard time tying it in to what I'm writing about).
But also like Q clinging to U, Me wonders what would happen if she ever had to face the deep, dark waters alone? Would entire languages fall apart? Would she live in a world of grunts and clicks?
I don't know. I guess I shouldn't be so hard on her, though. So what if she's a co-dependent, emotional infant? There are worse things she could be. Right?
Poor Me.

3 comments:

i think the "me" doesn't give herself enough credit for the courage it takes to recognize, accept, and acknowledge her role to make herself a stronger person. fuck-weak. far from it. in fact, quite the contrary!

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