Game of Thrones: First of His Name, Where I write a review incredibly late

We start off the episode with Tommen’s coronation. How cute is he? There were a few smiles back and forth between Margaery and him that didn’t go unnoticed by Cersei. Cersei approached Margaery acting as if she wants to become friends with her and Marge responded with this:

Seriously the look on Margaery’s face when she says all of this is how I feel when I’ve thought of an amazing put down and actually use it (as opposed to thinking of it hours after it was appropriate).

What the Watchlings don’t know:

In the books Cersei is seriously pissed off that Margaery is the new queen and she’s been pushed aside. She still thinks of herself as a young, beautiful, desirable creature and doesn’t like to be reminded she is a widowed mother of three. The sure fire way to make her mad is to bring up the fact that she’s not Queen anymore. That makes this cutting remark that much more painful. Also don’t feel sorry for Cersei. Never feel sorry forCersei. I’ve admitted that I like Jamie even post pushing Bran out the window, but Cersei is a worthless c*$#. Sorry, but she is and just gets worse.

Cut to Mereen and Dany’s council meeting. Some are advising her to invade King’s Landing and others are not. Just notice that Jorah seems to know a good bit about Westeros and that he’s acting weird. This will be important later.

Jorah does deliver news that all the people she has freed are now slaves again and in worse situations then when they started. She decides to stay in Mereen and rule. And become a boring weak character for a while.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Jorah was a spy for Westeros for a long time. (They talked about this in the early seasons, but you were probably still trying to figure out who everyone was). Anyway Barristan was on the small council meaning he knows this little factoid. So yeah. . .stuff happens.

Switch to the Vale and we get to see Lysa Arryn be a super weirdo. She evidently never learned that you shouldn’t act like a needy smothering girlfriend to keep a relationship healthy. We also learned that she killed her husband, not the Lannisters, that she lost her virginity to Petyr a long time ago, that she’s an idiot, she’s super paranoid and jealous and that she likes loud sex.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Lysa treats her son in a very creepy manner. Yes, you’ve seen the breastfeeding and that he likes to throw things/people out the Moon Door, but you don’t know that he needs someone to sleep with every night and since his mother is not otherwise occupied this duty will fall to Sansa and it’ll be more creepy then you can imagine. Lysa got pregnant by Petyr all those years ago and her dad gave her tea that would make her lose the baby. Oh and gave her that tea without her knowing what was going on. Then made her marry a man that, although he was nice, was old enough to be her grandfather. She definitely got the short end of the stick.

Lastly, Petyr is even a bigger creeper towards Sansa than we’ve seen on screen. He is always touching her, moving her hair and trying to be alone with her. So, yay weird pedo sexual tension.

Back to King’s Landing Cersei and Tywin have a heart to heart where they discuss up coming marriages and how they are evidently broke. Someone correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t remember this from the books. Granted the kingdom is broke, but I don’t remember Casterly Rock being destitute. Anyway this was mostly just a set up for later. Best laid plans and all that you know.

Also we learned The Iron Bank ain’t nothin’ to f^$# with. They aren’t. Way more hard core than the Wu Tang Klan.

Oh, and Cersei wants Tyrion to die, but that’s pretty obvious.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

No, you pretty much got this.

We have a few couples roaming around the Kingsroad and The Hound and Arya are the most badass. Arya who has her list of people she plans to kill and The Hound who just desperately wants to protect someone. He tried helping Sansa, but she was too stupid to realize it and Arya has accepted the help, but has so many trust issues she still thinks he has an ulterior motive.

The Hound hates all knights and what they represent, yet he’s been the most knightly in actions towards the Stark girls. Well that is unless you remember him splitting Arya’s friend Mycah in half because of Joffery’s lies. When trying to put together the type of character that would cut a small boy in half and a character that is gentle and protective of girls all I can think is that he’s trying to do better. (Let’s go into my complete made up thoughts for a minute). Being always with the Lannisters and trying to avoid his insane brother he turned off his emotions and just did what was ordered. However. then he saw how Ned Stark acted and how his family was treated. Ned who truly was a knight and lord in every sense of the word. I would like to think he’s trying to protect the girls in Ned’s place, he just doesn’t know how to not come across as an ass.

OK so that’s all just theory to me, but I also love that he pointed out that the first sword of Braavos wouldn’t have been killed by Meryn Trant. So maybe I am right about my other theory.

They argue, Arya tries to stab him with her sword and it doesn’t pierce his armor.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Ahh there’s not a lot that you don’t know except what’s about to happen next. So just keep watching. Their plot line definitely is progressing unlike other strong female characters I know.

Poor Pod and his attempts to take care of Brienne. This scene I think was mainly to show the two bonding and to prove to Brienne that Pod really is trying to do the best he can. I love these scenes, but wonder what the watchlings think of them. Are they boring? Funny? Really they are great, but more to see the book character’s come to life than anything.

What the Watchlings Don’t Know:

Big things are coming up for this pair as well. The only other thing that you don’t know is that both characters are broken, unloved people that got a taste of happiness only to get put on the road again. Pod was mistreated all his life until he met Tyrion and Brienne was mocked and scorned her whole life until she met Catelyn and Jamie.

Cersei shows back up trying to make everyone feel sorry for her again. Here’s the thing she seems to have forgotten though: Her dad ordered his sister and sister’s kids killed. Then they were sliced in half, head bashed in, or raped. Yeah that’s not something you’re going to get over with a slightly weepy talk about missing your daughter. Plus it’s probably going to backfire on you. Just sayin’

What the Watchlings Don’t Know:

Cersei is insane. Like certifiable. Plus she conveniently forgets about all the horrible things her family has done to others. Never feel sorry for Cersei.

Finally we get to see what’s going on in Craster’s Keep. Ferb Jojen still looks like he has a really bad case of the flu, plus that fire can’t be good for his hand. Oh wait.

The traitor that Bolton sent to the Wall leads an attack on the Keep sneaking off to kidnap Bran. Jon and his men make short work of the traitors with some graphic violence and it looks bad for Bran and the others. Then when all looks lost Bran wargs into Hodor. Yeah, why didn’t he do that before?

I don’t care who you are you have to feel sorry for Hodor when he wakes up and realizes that he’s a murderer. Such a gross thing to wake up to. Seriously he should have warged sooner and avoided some of the death and destruction.

Both the wolves are reunited with their masters and the Night’s Watch burn down Craster’s Keep and all the dead. The wives/daughters/granddaughters of Craster go their own way.

What the Watchlings don’t Know

OK none of this crap is in the books. Bran does warg into Hodor some, but just be able to walk again or to be able to see what’s going on in a place that he can’t reach. Summer does get a little hurt at one point, but Summer and Ghost aren’t captured because they are f-ing direwolves that would rip their captor’s throats out. Once again– just sayin’.

There was a lot of set up in this episode so just wait until everything comes to fruition. Lots of drama/violence/surprises. And lets get real, probably lots of sex too.

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One thought on “Game of Thrones: First of His Name, Where I write a review incredibly late”

Hey great recap!
I’m really hoping next episode, there’s a scene where Jon eulogizes the four brothers who died during the ranging to deal with the traitorous faithless mutineers, and I really hope he sings Locke’s praises as a stand-up guy who volunteered to go on this dangerous mission, served as a scout checking out the keep (super hazardous) and laid down his life in service to the Watch.
Because Jon would be so earnest, but we’d all know what a vile creature Locke was.