savoring the beauty in the everyday

The things we cannot change

“I sometimes wish I were a morning person,” I confessed recently to a friend. I loved – and embraced – my natural inclination toward being a night owl in college and graduate school, but the truth is that early commutes and nine-to-five day jobs don’t always jibe well with a love of late nights. I like the idea of being a morning person, but I always want to hit the snooze button one more time.

“I sometimes wish I were an extrovert,” he replied.

My response was immediate and knee-jerk: I have never, not once, wished I were an extrovert.

Certainly I have wished I were less shy, more at ease among strangers. Cocktail parties and networking events – really, anything that requires me to walk alone into a roomful of people I don’t know – are among my worst nightmares.

But I’ve always been fundamentally satisfied to live in my quiet, introspective world. I love being a bookish deep thinker, a writer, a ruminator. I love a cozy night in on the couch, with a good book or a favorite TV show and a cup of tea. I have never not wished those traits were a part of who I am.

I have, at times, wished I were taller, thinner, more athletic, more daring. (I do have an adventurous streak – which mostly manifests itself in my love of travel.) And I do wish I could whistle.

But I have never wished I were blonde, male, a party girl, a coffee drinker (I’m a tea addict). I have never not wanted to be a bookworm, or a writer. I’ve always preferred one-on-one nights out (or in) with a friend to loud, large parties. I’ve always been comfortable with a few key parts of my identity.

My friend’s comment got me thinking about the things we cannot change – and the things we sometimes wish we could. Part of me does wish I woke up earlier and more easily. (I’m not exactly cranky in the morning, just a slow starter.) But those other traits – my bookishness, my introversion, my deep love of quiet time alone or with friends – are integral and cherished parts of who I am.

As I settle into my thirties, I find myself growing more and more comfortable in my own skin. (Though I admit I’d like to be more comfortable at networking events.)

What do you wish you could change about yourself? What are the deep fundamental traits you’d never change – even if you could?

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You might find you become a morning person – I only started finding it easy to get up early in my late thirties when, with three kids, it was the only really quiet time of day. I wish I were less cautious and less worried what others think of me – I thought that would have rubbed off by now, it certainly isn’t a helpful character trait! And on a shallow level, I really wish I had curly hair – I have coveted it my whole life!

I too wish I was more of a morning person – as I got older (I’m settling in to my 50s) I thought it would happen naturally but I wish I was one of those genuine morning people that bounce out of bed in the morning and either have wonderful quiet time or energetically buzz about getting more done by 9 am than some people do all day. I do love to take nature pictures and more and more I love to get up and just take off first thing in the morning and see if I can catch a sunrise or a loon swimming at my favorite lake before others arrive. I know you share my love of poetry (Billy Collins and Mary Oliver are also favorites of mine). Have you read Collins’ poem “Morning”? I love this poem and read it for inspiration. It is from the site The Writer’s Almanac by Garrison Keillor from my home state Minnesota – good stuff.

I used to wish I were thinner and had green or blue eyes, but I’ve grown to love my body and myself. While I am proud of the person I am I sometimes wish I were a little less passionate, a little less sensitive.

When I see something I feel is wrong I feel compelled to say something about it and I wish that more often I’d let things slide. If I see someone write a mean comment to someone on the internet or a blog post about the great affair they are having on their partner or a guy who has a girlfriend but flirts incessantly with one of my friends; I feel I need to set things straight when I wish I would butt out and not bring negativity into my life.

I also wish I were a morning person. My clock start about 9:30-10am, if only jobs started an hour or two later how much more chipper I would be! Ah well, just means bedtime is 10pm for me. And I can’t say I’d trade tea for coffee. Tea for the win :).

I used to be an early riser but now as I’m pushing 78 I find it’s not really that important that I get up early everyday but that I just get up and greet each day with joy and expectation. One thing I would change about me…If I had known I would live to be this age i would have taken better care of my health, lost weight, exercised more, but at least I’ve kept my sense of humor..lol.

I, too, am slow to start in the morning if I have the choice. I prefer to potter, drink coffee and read for some time before getting dressed and facing the day. However, I quite happily begin to read or a craft project at 10pm! I wish I was more comfortable striking up conversation with strangers. It would make work situations more comfortable. Oddly I don’t mind public speaking, as long as I am well-prepared. As I move into my 50s I am learning to accept the way I am and work to my strengths in both personal and professional situations. Reading by the fire with a pot of tea will always be my favorite way to spend an evening. The other thing I have always wished I could do is sing. I can’t hold a tune to save my life but love to sing. I confine my efforts to the car or at home, always on my own!!!

Well said, Katie! I feel the same way. I’ve always been an introvert and I’m happy this way. I, too, am extremely uncomfortable at networking events and generally avoid large crowds of people I don’t know. One thing that’s negative about being an introvert is trying to make friends in your mid-30s when you move to a new city and leave all your old friends behind. I wish for just a bit of extroversion where making new friends is concerned. I tend to wait for people to reach out to me, and that doesn’t seem to be the best strategy. 🙂