Friday, February 15, 2008

University of Colorado Vs. Rotterdam

Snowballs are flying as questions have arisen regarding the actual height of the Great Rotterdam Snowman which it's creators claim is 12' in height. Fans of the University of Colorado snowman would like to know how the Rotterdam snowman could be taller than theirs based on a comparison between the two photos and while nobody is mentioning the S word (steroids), it hung over the proceedings like a black cloud. Testimony began with snowman photo expert and suspected Univ. of Colorado alumni, Ryan Durham;

"I really don't see that snowman being 12' tall. The awning over the front porch is only 8' tall. I think that this one is just trying to get a jump on the CU snowman, which as anyone can see is over 9' tall (Go CU!)"

A Rotterdam neighbor immediately retorted through lawyers; "I was told about this snowman from a friend of my son's and I will tell you that it really is 12' tall. I couldn't believe it, I actually had to ask how they did it since it was so much taller than me."

This was supported by a second anonymous eye witness; "Hey, I live next door and can verify that this snowman is 12' tall. Obviously your perception is distorted by the fact that the snowman is downhill from the porch. This snowman kicks CU's butt anyday."

Ryan later released this official statement; "Phantom hills and perception... c'mon you know that thing isn’t any taller then like 8.5', maybe...I’m not saying it's a bad looking snowman, it's just not 12' tall." One Rotterdam resident tried to offer the olive branch by inquiring why "it took 13 (people) to build that little, tiny snowman. There is no comparison on feet/people, since we only had one person."

The most vocal grandstander was Rep. Congressman Dan Burton of rural Indiana, who blew up, “This is really disgusting,” Burton said. “I don’t know what to believe! I know what I don’t believe and that’s you!!!” This was, of course, in reference to the Clemens hearing and has nothing to do with us.As the contest official it falls into my lap to make a judgment. I trust that the Rotterdam snowman, made by a lawyer, provided an honest account of the dimensions, but in all due respect, Ryan has a point, the Colorado snowman does look larger (it should be pointed out that size has nothing to do with this contest but can anyone explain why the adorable puny Pinecone snowman has only one vote?). I decided to do the only sensible thing. Tonight I will drive all night to upstate New York to measure this infamous snowman. In all fairness I will also begin investigation of allegations that the Univ. of Colorado snowman is in fact NOT nine feet but six, possible if you entertain the thought that the thirteen people in the photo are actually midgets. I also will take into account a disturbing email from "Anonymous" who offers this insight; "We figured out what CU's snowman has in his cup, it is a liquid laxative so he can get that look off of his face!"

Until I finish my report I leave the final word from an non-partisan observer of the recent developments, "You can see the happiness and friendship in the people of the CU snowman. It is the only snowman that shows people coming together and having a great time together. (Go CU!)"

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