You’ll never Believe how much this Moose Weighs!

The Answer: Far too often! Now is the time for concern about the body image problem in the moose community!

It is not a crime to be a fat moose. It is a crime to hit someone with a ball-peen hammer. Never confuse those two.

DEVELOPING: Joke about the plural form of Moose!

What do you call a moose and another moose? Something. Or don’t call them anything and think about the fact that Africa is huge and has tons of people in it and about a thimble’s worth of drinking water.

Don’t think about that either!

The moose in question is unharmed. It just keeps gazing at itself thinking about the last order of French Fries it ate and committing to the idea of not eating tomorrow. Why god?! Why is it so hard to want to fuck fat people?!