Did you ever dream that you were a dog agility super champ except then it switched and you were at some germy, grungy, derelict seaside park in the dark and the carnies were actually drug addled zombies that were shambling after you with hammers and their big teeth? And then as you're trying to escape your way out from under their oily, horrible claws by clambering up a rat infested palm tree, you're all, this is about dog agility like, how?

16 December 2008

Secret courtroom sketches from the dog show.

I didn't take any pictures over the weekend. But I did get these.

Actual courtroom sketch of the moment Otterpop's brain just exploded. My brain just did this when I heard Snoop Dogg was going to be at the Catalyst, here in Santa Cruz, playing a 16 and over show on a Monday night. KAPLOOEY! KAPOW! GET OUT OF TOWN!

How you can tell if Ruby is going to have a weirdo run. Maybe I'm a bad owner. But she's done this for years now. I can't figure it out. She's been rested, drugged up, chiropracted, kept away from crowds, and honestly, I don't know what bugs Ruby. Mental or physical, it's a mystery. I don't even take it personal anymore. She is her own dog. She is a perfect citizen 99% of the time. This is how she rolls.

I think I might have totally crossed over the the world of dog agility lady. Sorry, my non agility friends. In hindsight, I guess it was inevitable. I am a freak for my dogs. And over the weekend, I actually talked to someone about my dog's poop for the first time. I know. That is so gross and so weird and so over the line. But I mean really. Sorry to expose this, Gustavo. But a dog that won't go to the bathroom because it's raining or because he is in a new place? I have gone to the dark side and I guess I'll never be back. Marilyn Manson, not coming to my art opening. My house, not featured in the December Ready Made Magazine. No museum show for me. Will just try to get Gambler's Q's and yack your ear off about it.

I am always happy to meet my new agility friends that I didn't even know I had. I need all of you now, you guys, since I have become a Genuine Dog Agility Lady. Thanks for coming and introducing yourselves to me. And not chastising me for my grammar. It is really easy to identify me, just look for Team Small Dog. I don't mean to be scowling. I can be a really nice lady. I am probably thinking about global warming and the auto industry bailout and whether Otterpop's brain is going to stay taped shut.

2 comments:

Lovely artwork, laughs a minute in your post. I've often caught myself discussing my dog's elimination habits (and even the results) and the realization comes over me that I'm standing here, in public, having what I think is an interesting conversation about poop. Who'd'a thunk it before I started agility.

Boost didn't poop from 4:30 Saturday morning until we got home Sunday night. She was just too busy being a border collie to want to waste the time, so to speak. Drove me nuts.

Why is it that dog's won't go potty in the rain or snow? I can see Blitzkrieg's teeth are floating and legs are crossed but once he gets outside in weather he doens't like he won't do his buisness outside either.

Laura Hartwick, Captain

Many people around Santa Cruz know Laura as the lady with all those little black dogs. Many people know her as a horse trainer. Many people know her as the artist with the small brushes. Many people know her as that hoity graphic designer.
None of them would be wrong.
All the dogs of Team Small Dog, righteously awesome.
Laura Hartwick is usually a nice person. Except when she isn't. Be nice, don't bite, and run faster.