If Only Ann Landers Had Lived Long Enough To Give Advice About Gay Twin Incest

Apparently Slate has some chick named Emily Yoffe who gives advice and as you’d expect, since she’s at Slate, she’s kind of a moron. On the other hand, what does anyone say to this?

Dear Prudence,

My fraternal twin and I (both men) are in our late 30s. We were always extremely close and shared a bedroom growing up. When we were 12 we gradually started experimenting sexually with each other. After a couple of years, we realized we had fallen in love. Of course we felt guilty and ashamed, and we didn’t dare tell anyone what we were doing. We hoped it was “just a phase” that we’d grow out of, but we wound up sleeping together until we left for college. We knew this could ruin our lives, so we made a pact to end it. We attended schools far apart and limited our contact to family holidays. But we never fell out of love with each other, so after graduation we moved in together and have been living very discreetly as a monogamous couple ever since. I’m not writing to you to pass moral judgment on our relationship–we’re at peace and very happy. Our dilemma is how to deal with our increasingly nosy family and friends. They know we’re gay, and we live in a state where same-sex marriage is legal, so we’re getting pressure to settle down. I feel we should continue being discreet for the rest of our lives and blow off their questions. It’s nobody’s business, and I fear they would find our relationship shocking and disgusting. My brother, though, is exhausted with this charade. He thinks that if we get the family together with a therapist to talk through the issues, they’ll eventually accept it. I think he’s out of his mind, but I also want to make him happy. Is this one of those times when honesty is not the best policy? If so, how do we get everyone to stop worrying we will die alone? I’m also concerned about the legal implications of this–would the therapist be required to report us to the authorities? Could we go to prison?

–Tired of This Greek Tragicomedy

Of course, any sane person’s response to that would start with, “Oooh, oooh, oooh, that IS JUST DISGUSTING! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!!?!?!?!!?! BREAK IT OFF AND START A DECADE’S WORTH OF THERAPY YESTERDAY!!!!!!!”

Oh, but Emily Yoffe doesn’t want to be all “judgey” and “mean,” so naturally she treats these people like they’re not actually repulsive weirdos and answers the question like they’re a mixed race couple from the fifties as opposed to being engaged in 10-on-a-10 unnatural grossness.