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Saturday, September 27, 2014

"The next year, the next day, the next hour are lying ready for you, as perfect, as unspoiled, as if you had never wasted or misapplied a single moment in all your life. You can turn over a new leaf every hour if you choose." - Arnold Bennett

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I've enrolled, I've got all my things ready and I'm good to go! On the 6th of October I'll be starting a brand new adventure at an art university in London, and I am pretty freaked out/ excited about it.. Where has the time gone and most importantly have I bought enough colouring pencils..

Arts always, always been my first love, so I'm mega excited to get dipping my toes into something I've always had a passion for. However the transition from my foundation course to a degree, hasn't been as smooth and as jolly as I'd hoped. I'm a human who tends to worry way too much, stay up until silly o'clock thinking about future things and what on earth I'm actually doing (I've learnt you can only draw so many elephants eating macaroons to keep you content and happy..) I almost decided to give the whole university thing a miss, jump on a plane and never look back, stress got on top of me and all I could think about for a long time was escaping to different countries collecting dream catchers as I go (because, that'll make me happy, riiiight?)

It's taken a long, long while for my mind to finally come to terms with what and where I wanna study, my family have never forced or pressured me to go to University and I think that's super important, you've got to want to do this for you and no one else. Coming at cha with a favourite quote of mine, p.s I found this quote a long time ago and since forgot where I found it, shout if you know:

"Don't ever let anybody influence you and your ideas, because at the end of the day you're going to be the one committing to 'it', so you first need to make sure you can do it and not by what the other person wants/ expects you to do." - Unknown

On Wednesday (the 24th September) I hopped on a train and made my way to my new University for the enrolment, leading up to walking through the doors, I was mega nervous about being overwhelmed with a bad vibe, that I'd made the wrong decision, what the freaaak have I done. But I was pleasantly surprised. Greeted by lovely humans, glimpsed at some of the work exhibited around the building, and quickly shuffled my feet around the corner where I'd enrol. Sat down with my organised, post-it-noted folder and gripping on very tightly to my phone (ready to ring my mum in a panic about how much I hate it and how much I don't wanna be there). I got chatting to a few people and also bumped into some familiar faces from my foundation course which was lovely.

After about half an hour of finalising all things enrolment-ey, I walked away with a little happy bubble inside my head, and told myself "what the hell were you so worried about, it's gonna be okay!" I'd built up so much dread, so much 'ugggh' and it was okay, I did it, I enrolled! I'm still yet to start as previously said, so I could be writing a whole different story soon haha, but no in all seriousness I do have a better feeling about university and meeting new people, trying new things, learning new skills and drinking way too much coffee.

I'd love to know if you have had similar thoughts, similar dreaded, sleepless nightly thoughts about university and how you came around/ figured it was going to be okay? And if you were wondering why I did dread the whole university thing so much and why not just quit it all completely, I'm someone who is a tad weird on change, not that I don't like change, I do in fact love change here and now, I just am very uneasy when it comes to new places etc etc, it even comes down to the littlest things like if I was to go shopping for the day I'd have to plan it in my head way in advance, meaning many lists of what I was going to wear, what was going to be packed in my bag, which identical black sock would go on the left foot and what one would go on the right (this sometimes results in eeny meeny miney mo..) will I wake up feeling empty and be tackling a hole in my favourite jumper, and when I am shopping what will the lighting be like in the changing rooms if I was to try anything on, will I freak out and just leave the shop all together, and whilst all that's going on in my head I'm trying to do my best not to show it. It all gets a bit too much and so yeah, university kinda had the same effect on me, which initially sucked, but I'm doing the things to make me not feel those things and other poop things and hopefully erase a good hand full of those things.. Am I making any sense at all? Goooood-o.. Also university has always been something I've wanted to do, an experience I know I've always wanted to try, and so here I am, trying to remain calm and collective, which means buying new stationary to help..

[my love for stationary is only getting stronger.. also this picture kinda looks like all my things are flying, I can assure you they are just sitting on my desk haha..]

During all those sleepless university dreaded nights, I tried to think of many ways to get my motivation back and to get rocking and rolling. I'd tried so many things and nothing was working, so, I plonked myself in front of all my old artwork, all my old sketchbooks and even began to rummage back through art I'd made when I was in nursery/ school/ where it all started! I don't know if you ever find yourself doing this, but I'm always asking myself what a younger me would do, the young 8 year old me that hid herself in her room for hours drawing on whatever she found and using every kinda pom pom, glittered glue, colouring pencil, anything she could find to create. It reminded me to not quit at what I love as that'd be darn stoopid, arts all I've ever known and something I have recently had a love/hate relationship with. It was a bitter sweet moment, a whole loada memories came flying back and reminded me that sometimes change is good, and I shouldn't be scared of the future, I should just live in the now and just go for it. And go for it is what I'm gonna do!

Tumblr, music, fellow bloggers, short film animations, many many illustrators and Disney things (& Harry Potter films) are my favourite things and ways to get me feeling inspired and motivated. Please do share any of your tips/ advice to staying positive and keeping motivated? Would be 'muchly' appreciated!

[note to self: be happy]

To any of you's starting university or starting a new adventure, here's a bundle of luck and I hope you enjoy every second! Lets take on this adventure together, woop woop. I hope this post was a little helpful to anyone feeling and going through the same, you're not alone in this huge ship of university things and confusion things, one step at a time and you'll sure find what you love/ or in my case rekindle the love! Most importantly, stay sane, stay happy and stay creative.

Ah. Needed to get that off my chest. :)

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Are you too off to University? Or have you already been?
I'd love to hear any of your views/ experiences/ tips on it!