My sister in law's mom just died. Though affectionate, we're not very very close as the family has two branches, one much older than the other. I'm married to the youngest in this stretched out family, and she's married to the oldest, named Bob. We exchange a few emails over the course of the year, and see each other usually once a year. My husband goes fishing with his older brothers once a year to Canada, and finally he has bonded with them. Last year he and Bob had a long talk and really got to know each other. When his mother in law died, Bob called my husband. He said it was to tell him, because he had met the mother once or twice, or so.. But I think he was just reaching out. There's always a hole, it seems, when we lose someone, and you always want to fill it. It reminded me of how losing an in-law, especially one you've known for many years, is a very painful loss too, and reminded me of my own dear mother in law, who I think of very often, who passed away 25 years ago, the same age as our youngest child..

My fiance just lost his grandmother, but I never met her. He didn't grieve over it or anything. He's also not going to the funeral, bc he doesn't like the rest of his family and doesn't have the time to go anyway. I don't understand how someone can be so detached from their family like he is. Ever since his parents died, he left and never looked back. I don't understand it. I guess he's just bad at dealing with these things...

Honey, please try to convince your fiance to go. Go with him, if he won't go, go without him. My husband lost his brother in 2001, he was in the hosp. & wasn't going to make it. My husband refused to go, but I was with his brother when he took his last breath. Not one day goes by that I regret being with him. My husband didn't want to face it but he thanks me for 'representing' him being there. I love his brother as if he were my own, I was hurt too, but he passed peacefully with someone who loved him at his side. I was able to convince him to go to the funeral, but you only have one chance to do it. There is something deeper there & he needs to face it, get past it and grieve for his grandmother. There is no such thing as being too busy for a situation like this. You only get one chance to say goodbye, don't let him miss it.

Well, I'm pretty sure he already missed it. His family didn't send him any info on it anyway. Like I said, he hasn't seen nor talked to any of his family for at least 5 years. I have never met any of them or talked to any of them either. There really wasn't a point in going. They live too far away too. There are lots of reasons for us not to go.

Honey, please try to convince your fiance to go. Go with him, if he won't go, go without him. My husband lost his brother in 2001, he was in the hosp. & wasn't going to make it. My husband refused to go, but I was with his brother when he took his last breath. Not one day goes by that I regret being with him. \

Although shay's fiance may have missed his chance to be at his grandmother's funeral, I think this is excellent advice.

I don't think it would be very hard to regret making a little extra effort to reach out to someone, but there must be a great deal of regret for people who wish they had done more when someone was still alive.

ive recently lost a future brother-in-law (as I have not asked my girlfriend to marry me yet). he just turned 10 years old this past sunday (january 9th 2011). ive only visited him in his country twice (with my girlfriend), yet this second time i felt much more closer to him. i viewed him as a brother, and sometimes as a "son"... but his father (my future father-in-law) was a good man and father to him.

he was fighting heart and brain issues, yet i never felt it would end his precious life at such a young age.

ive never lost someone close to me, or in my family before. i'm wondering how one fights thru the pain. i still find myself looking for signs of him around me... i live in America and he (my future brother-in-law) lived in Mexico. His funeral ceremonies are currently going on in Mexico... and I wish i could be there... but cannot due to work.

i miss him so much, that i want to name my first born son after him, to honor what a short and good life he lived. he is an angel, and always will be with me in my heart.