Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group

This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.

Twelve Year Old Boys

I'm concerned about my twelve year old SS and had some questions about what is normal for a boy at this age?

He started 6th grade this year, which is Jr. High/Middle School/Intermediate School. I remember from that age being involved alot with friends, asking if friends could come over after school, and pushing to be involved in things where there would be other kids my age.

He seems to have no social life whatsoever. He has one boy who comes over on the rare occasion, but no others. His phone never rings in a call from a friend. He doesn't ask to go to the movies with his friends or go to the local video-game arcade or to play laser tag. He's not asked his father about girls or sex or anything.

Basically, he comes home and plays with Legos (which he is obsessed with!!), watches TV or plays video games.

He is also ANAL about cleanliness to the point where I'm concerned that he may be showing the signs of OCD. He won't wear his shoes in his bedroom for fear of tracking dirt on his tile floor. He put a sheet over his bed so the dog won't leave hair on his comforter. He showers sometimes twice a day and panics if he can't get a shower in.

I'm getting concerned. Most of the 12 year olds that I've known are very social and pretty sloppy.

I noticed the same social thing you are. And remembered back to my days of that time... But then I figured out it must just be a boy thing. He's grown out of it now and hangs out with his friends non stop. But he's 15 and getting ready to start driving. But in 6th grade he wasn't very social or didn't seem to be. He had friends at school but outside of school there was only one close friend (and that's just because they lived a short walk from each other). I wouldn't worry to much about that aspect. The clean thing.. That is new on me.. LOL.. I had to fight to get my kid to wash and stay in the shower longer then 2 minutes.

But I do understand the not wanting to track dirt on his floor or get dog hair on his comforter. I assume he's the one that cleans his room? If this is the case he's doing what he can to not have to do as much. And the comforter thing is probably just a preference. lol...

sounds like he's focused I knew a classmate like that and he always feared when I tried to get him to be sociable , today he is likely worth a couple hundred million from going out getting development engineering ticket and going out and developing masses of family land on his own, currently there are thousands of wealthy homes on that land .Maybe I'm not suggesting that he'll be wealthy but he sounds okay to me and well organized and just growing up at a different pace than other 12 year old boys .I'm sure Bill Gates sacrificed many years for his success and missing out on peir pressure smoking and girls and so on but I think its okay to have a model child that you don't have to fight with to make you feel like you are an asset to controling misbehaviour or mobs of girls showing up at your house daily (that will eventually happen) enjoy it for now he may be playing with lego well into his 40s you never know .

The cleaning thing is new, over the past 3 months or so. His room used to be a disaster, papers and clothes and toys strewn everywhere. His father was constantly on him to clean his room and his bathroom. Not anymore, the kid is neat as a pin suddenly. He also really used to like having the dog sleep on his bed and didn't worry about the dog hair, but now he hates it. Again, very recently, the last 3 months or so.

Also, in response to Banff, it's not like this kid is pulling in stellar grades or focusing on schoolwork. He often has an F in at least one class because he's dropped the ball in there. Most days he tells us he doesn't have any homework, then his teacher calls his Dad and says that he's not doing any homework. Go figure.

So... no social life, average to bad grades, and obsessive about cleaning.

Thanks, Jodi, I do appreciate your chiming in that your son had the same social situation. I'm not so worried about that.

What about noticing girls or sex? Any idea when that kicks in for boys? I know girls can start being boy-crazy in elementary :P

I would check it out a bit more since you mentioned how he changed from having a sloppy room to wanting it clean now. Can you talk to his teachers without his knowing of course. Maybe it will be helpful. Did he used to have friends before middle school? My son went through his own panics at 12. He panicked when he had to sleep over his cousins or if he has to sleep somewhere else even if I was with him. Good luck.

I would check it out. At a minimum, contact his pediatrician for a consult. How's he doing in school otherwise? I hate to add a label but he has some of the hall marks for a kid with undiagnosed OCD or even a type of Autism. Please seek support for both of you! Good Luck!!!!

My son was slow to get into girls... I think that was more of a self esteem issue or something along those lines.. Although he's had a few girlfriends nothing serious (thank God)... My son has never been the one to have the bikini girl posters or anything like that, though I did find under his bed once some print outs of topless girls (he claimed they were his friend's... LOL yeah right)... He has a few trading cards of scantily dressed girls, cheerleaders I think... Other then that... There aren't girls calling the house or knocking the door down to get at him... To be honest I wouldn't worry too much about it.. I mean as long as he does have some friends it's nothing to worry about... He just might be a loaner if he only has a select few friends.. I was at school...

Since the clean thing has been a sudden change, any chance you can chalk it up to maturity? Usually if there's something to worry about it would be a neat freak going sloppy but usually not the other way around.. I just don't know.. I haven't had to experience anything like that before... My son keeps his room pretty messy unless I tell him to clean it up.. Although he is GREAT about doing his laundry on his own..

I wouldn't worry about the girls yet. He is still kind of young. Boys are slower with that than the girls. My youngest it 15 and just really started noticing girls this last year. He didn't have much of a social life with friends till this year but he has alway been active in sports or band or something else. There wasn't really much time for anything else. This year they all go out in groups to movies or someones house.

However the neatness and shower thing would throw up red flags for me. Most boys (no offense) are slobs at this age. Most are reminding boys to take showers and clean rooms. I probably would get that check out. Try and think back to when this all started did something major happen? Big change? My advice to you is talk to him. See if there is something he is interested in a sport or activity that he could join. Let him know that your always there to talk to him. We had to approach the sex talks with my boys. They didn't come to us. Hang in there and good luck.

A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...

Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...

All content posted on this site is the responsibility of the party posting such content.
Participation on this site by a party does not imply endorsement of any other party's content,
products, or services. Content should not be used for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.