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Scandal hits porn industry as star refuses to make sexual advances

Millions of porn fans are in shock today, as it was revealed that actors are afraid to make ‘inappropriate’ moves without the written consent of their moaning and perspiring co-stars.

Producers first noticed a problem on the set of Plumber Roast a month ago, when the leading male Brad Silvers made his entrance. ‘All he would do was talk about how those U-bend blockages were a very common problem these days’, says co-star Sonya Chinn, ‘even when I was draped over the counter top half naked sucking my finger. I tried purring a few hints about ball cocks and flexible versus rigid piping, but he just replied that he couldn’t possibly comment. Worst of all was when I discovered the guy with him was not a plumber’s mate but his lawyer’.

The frustrated Ms Chinn immediately started her #meneither campaign on Twitter and soon had thousands of followers from the adult film industry with the same problem. Garage hands are looking on stony-faced when hit with a barrage of innuendo about getting rear-ended, and delivery boys are shoving pizzas into the letter box and making off before the bored housewife even has time to answer the door in her negligee.

Fans are getting increasingly angry with the hypocrisy of actors who parade their impeccable horndog reputations before the media and then act like monks when surrounded by sex-mad women in private. One recently retired movie expert has generously offered his services for free in the battle to end ‘the insidious culture of celibacy’ that is taking over the porn industry. However, one female star who has met him says, ‘Uh, I don’t think so. His name is Harvey and he looks like a slug’.