You Bet Your Life

Picking Up Pieces Left By Compulsive Gambling

Every time 14-year-old Tony bet on the flip of a coin, he lost, because it only made him feel better about flipping some more.

From flipping coins, Tony went to shooting craps.

"At that point in my life, I stopped growing," he says. "Everything stopped. I couldn't concentrate on school. I soon found I had a need to gamble."

This need continued for decades into adulthood, taking many forms, destroying his marriage, ruining his career, driving him deeply into debt. It almost caused him to commit suicide.

Tony's story is about how compulsive gambling can make a shambles of a life - and how to stop. Though his name has been changed for this article, Tony is a real person, living in the Hampton Roads area today. His story is real, most of it taking place in New York City, where he lived until recently.

"If you can say you're going to buy 10 lottery tickets and stick to it, you're OK," he says. Tony could never do that. He would place bet after bet after bet.

To finance his habit, Tony stole from his family. He used some of the money his mother gave him to buy the family's groceries. He wrote bad checks. At age 17, family members began to question him about where his money was going. He confessed that he liked to gamble, but he added, "I have it under control."

In fact, it was out of control and it stayed that way. When he went to movies, he carried two small transistor radios in his pockets - each tuned to a ballgame on which he had money. He would leave his seat periodically and head for the men's room to catch scores.

Married at age 25, Tony worked as a salesman - when he worked. "I couldn't hold jobs," he says. "I went to the track." They knew Tony at two thoroughbred parks and two harness raceways. He was a regular. He was in and out of tracks, in and out of jobs and, after four years of marriage, in $19,000 of debt and out of a wife.

"On Nov. 19, 1974, I called my best friend, who I owed $2,500. I said I needed $5,000 more or the shylocks would kill me. He said to me, he loves me, but he can't give me any more money. I hung up the phone."

Three hours later, the friend called back. Tony told his friend he was ready to kill himself by jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge.

Before Tony could act, the friend came to his house. "I thought he was going to give me money. Instead, he drove me to a building on lower Broadway. I went inside. There were 20 men and three women. It was a smoke-filled room.

For the rest of the night, what Tony heard sounded like a recitation of his own life story.

With a few exceptions. "One man talked about how he hadn't gambled in five years ... another, eight."

Two men came up and asked Tony if he wanted to stop gambling. "I said I wanted to kill myself; I owed $19,000!"

The men continued: If he would give them 90 days, they could get him to quit gambling and plan a way to pay his creditors.

The most important moment of Tony's life was at hand. He agreed to follow. He agreed to stop placing bets.

Why, after 33 years of being addicted to gambling, did he consent to a change in his lifestyle?

"I saw in that room a group of men just like me." He realized he was not alone. With the active support of others, he could find strength.

Every night for months, Tony received a phone call from one of the men. "Did you gamble today?" the caller asked each time. "How do you feel? Call if you have a problem." He continued to attend the weekly meetings.

This was Gamblers Anonymous. It is a fellowship of people who share their experiences with each other in hopes of subduing their compulsion to gamble. Outlets that make it convenient to gamble are everywhere - from the bingo hall to the football point-spread tables in many newspapers to the state lottery to the bus trips to Atlantic City and Bowie. But for people who know how easy it is to be overwhelmed by the lure of gambling, Gamblers Anonymous has existed since 1957. There are about 700 chapters in the United States plus about 300 in other countries.

Heading Hampton Roads' chapter, which started about two months ago, is the man who almost killed himself over what he thought was a hopeless addiction to gaming and debts that could never be paid.

Eight years and two months after that November meeting, Tony finished paying his debts.

"I had to go to everyone I owed and ask for time. One shylock, I had to go to him three times and get on my knees and beg for more time. I said I could pay him $5 a week. He said, `OK, but if you miss one week, you're dead.'"

Tony hasn't gambled since.

"I got my self-respect back. I haven't had that pain and nauseous feeling."

Semi-retired now at age 62, the former salesman moved to Hampton Roads six months ago after visiting a friend and taking a liking to the area.