Join a Rally

Break the dim shackles of your porn-addled brain, rise from your Laz-E-Boy, tuck your t-shirt into your shorts and finally (finally!) do that thing — that one glorious, fully tumescent thing — that all Red Bull-blooded Americans with disposable income, a valid driving license and a curious penchant for costumed buffoonery yearn for in their vestigial 9-to-5 hearts: rent a car, raise some hell.