Song Wars! Music is a unifying, universal, unicycling force that brings factions together and forges peaceful co-existence and harmony. But screw that this week. We're having some Song Wars!

Every day for the next few I'll be pitting two songs with similar themes or characteristics against each other. You, the reader, get to vote which one you prefer. The results will be unofficial and probably not even published, but it's all in the process.

Easy enough, right? Great, so let's go with our first bit of audio bloodsport. The subject: Sarcastic Takes On California. Deceased underground folk legend David Ackles takes on the inevitability of the Golden State's commercial influence, be it the cool detachment of denizens' sunglasses or the opulent tackiness of the Ice Capades. Frankly, Ackles should just win outright because he mentions the Ice Capades. Ask your fun uncle what those were; they were unnerving.

In the other corner, it's Rufus Wainwright's tribute to California's exquisite, artifact-heavy boredom, a world so teeming with sitcom references and vacuous cabana boys that there's really no point in getting up to face the day. When life gives you lemons, toss them in the compost and order a daiquiri instead, sunchasers.

All right guys: I want a clean fight, no hitting below the San Andreas faultline, and leave everything north of Sacramento out of this.