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‘B’ is for Blunder

Blunder /blǝndǝr/ noun. a usually serious mistake typically caused by ignorance or confusion (the free dictionary). As usual, the Crazy Nigerian is able and willing to give you real-life examples to help you cherish/despise the word even better:

On a particularly hot, sunny day my colleague and I were making our way from the head office to the nearby car park; a 3-minute walk. Just as I was beginning to doubt the effectiveness of my Right Guard ’24 hour’ antiperspirant, we finally got there only to be told that the company car was at the second car park, which to my annoyance was in the direction we had just come from; in fact, it was directly opposite the head office! After the heavy sighing we did a ‘180’ and set out for the other car park. But before I could breathe a sigh of relief as I approached it, my colleague got a phone call from one of the security guards to say that the car had been found in the first car park! Barely containing my frustration I decided to wait while my colleague went back and got the car; I thought I’d probably have to wait about 5 minutes before I would be basking in the coolness of leather-laced air conditioning. 15 minutes later however, sweat patches were forming under my T.M. Lewin whilst my shiny head was getting a free sauna treatment. Like Elton John I was ‘still standing’ by the side of ‘yellow brick road’ in front of the second car park waiting for my colleague and the driver to zoom by. Where in Oz was this elusive company car?

Suddenly a blue Toyota Corolla with slightly tinted windows was ‘trafficating’ in my direction until it came to a halt. I went round to the other side of the car to join my colleague in the back seat. I opened the door and jumped into the car with my eyes half-closed from heat exhaustion and expecting to hear something along the lines of “Sorry for keeping you so long. Another car was blocking our car and they had to go find the driver then…” But to my surprise the remark I got was, “Who is this man?”

Lo and behold I had gotten into the wrong car! The suited-up gentleman and his driver looked puzzled. I (and the expression on my face) couldn’t have seemed more lost than Alice in Wonderland. As a matter of fact, I was ‘Jollof in Blunderland’ and I was wishing a rabbit hole would swallow me up. I can vaguely remember trying to laugh it off and apologizing at the same time but it sure would have been a different story if I walked right into my own abduction. Witnesses would say they last saw Jollof entering a car to go see a client but he never came back (yikes!). I was one sun-tan away from Idi Amin’s complexion when the car came another 10 minutes later.

More recent blunders I’ve committed this week include uttering a potentially offensive comment in an appropriate scenario (allow me to elaborate). Over the weekend a pair of spectacles was left in my office section. After asking around the following Monday it was clear that a visitor or customer had forgotten them. A few days later a lady came to my section, left shortly after, and then she returned minutes later because she had forgotten an envelope. Her timid remark was, “Oh, I didn’t know I left this here” to which I retorted, “Do you use glasses?” Now, I realize how that may have come across but if you read between the lines I was innocently trying to find the owner of those abandoned spectacles…honest!

Equally worse was when my lady boss exclaimed just as she was leaving for the day, “You guys didn’t complement my new shoes like Mr. So-and-so did!” and then I retorted, “But ma, when I talk to you I’m looking at your face”. The whole team was in hysterics (except for Mr. So-and-so, whose fidelity was indirectly thrown into question – yep, he’s married).

But enough about me, what about your blunders? I dare you to share…I double-dare you as a matter of fact. Are you willing or are you chicken? 😀

After my one year national service I got a job as an Insurance agent where one has to be convincing in a very visual and ‘physical environment’ to persuade people to buy something intangible. I remember walking into an Architects office in Yaba, introduced myself with the best smile I could muster, when the Architect Mr. Siji blurted out ‘you people dont want me to rest, about five of you have disturbed me this morning’ he showed me the evidence in policy fliers. Not wanting to wear out his patience I thought it would be better to get his complimentary card then call him later, so mustering another charming smile I politely requested ‘alright Sir can I have your credit card’ I corrected myself almost immediately but the damage was done Mr. Siji replied ‘ehen so you are just after my money’ He was gracious enough to give me his complimentary card. Talk of blunders and Freudian slips.

Let’s see, I have so many blunders (which I have repressed with a 99% success rate.) However I do have one that is so embarrassing, it refuses to stay buried for long. It would make me laugh if I wasn’t the one who said it.

Oh, so now you expect me to spill it?

Alright. Fine. I work in insurance and several years ago, I was talking to one of our agents about a new data transfer process. After I explained what was involved to carry out the process from their side, I proceeded to explain what happened on the Company side. “…Once the file is transferred, data is extracted and stored in a suppository..” As soon as I said it, I knew it wasn’t right. Of course, I meant “repository.” We had a good laugh over that, but it was sure embarrassing 🙂

Easy mistake to make 😀 but I think ‘suppository’ should be a word that means ‘an archive of supposes’…I suppose. At least you bounced back and saved face. Thanks for sharing that – couldn’t have been easy Janna T.