That’ll show him

Jeff has let me know that while he likes that I’ve been blogging more lately, he doesn’t like the change in tone. Apparently he says it should sound “less like an email to Kathy” and more…formal. Or something.

Therefore, from this point henceforth I shall commence an earnest attempt to fulfill his wishes.

My progeny and I have been most productive this day. Verily, our labors have borne fruit. We arose early to chauffeur Jeff to his place of employ, reviewing the day’s plans as we journeyed. Following the ever-sage guidance offered by my liege*, the small one and I then progressed northward, the mountains’ shadows looming over our midnight-blue Elantra, to the hallowed halls of the Glendale Galleria.

Our purpose was simple: gain possession of some recently-minted photographs of said small one, and seek out from LUSH some improved material with which I might exfoliate and clean my visage, and bring the shine and luster of a thousand suns to my luxuriant locks.

Having achieved our place of conquest at a time preceding the appointed hour at which the mall would unfurl its welcoming arms to the shoppers’ embrace, we ambled through the adjoining Target and acquired a chai frappuccino while awaiting such time as we might collect the aforementioned requisite goods. We leisured at the front of the coffee shop, I producing fresh sweet mother’s milk with which to sustain my wee babe, my son dining upon said sustenance drawn eagerly from my bosom. Also I read a bunch of Facebook and crushed some candies.

After languishing an interminable time, beholding a near-constant parade of elderly mall-walkers and various shopkeepers, the hour finally arrived**. I made my way to LUSH, and in such place I conversed with a purveyor of the balms I sought. I received the wisdom and guidance from which I had so hoped to benefit, and in exchange for a quantity of money I was allowed to procure the cleansers.

Victorious, with my offspring securely ensconced in a length of fabric wrapped about my torso, I recommenced my promenade. A quick stop by JCPenney (including a most satisfying appraisal of the printed likenesses), and we were but soon able to begin the trek homeward.

Having reached our homestead, I soon discovered that, in a most anomalous fashion, Simon had surrendered to the siren song of slumber while restrained in his car seat. With naught but the glowing light of my iPhone for company, I waited patiently in our chariot for his eventual awakening. As the meditative time stretched ever-onward, I screwed around on Facebook and Reddit.

When the fairies of wakefulness at last whispered their quiet song in his ear, we sought the air-conditioned refuge of our apartment and feasted upon a bountiful lunch (the majority of which was flung to the accommodating floor, in a whirlwind of gleeful cackles). After but a moment, it seemed, the time was upon us to set out again: this time to collect Simon’s esteemed progenitor and transport him to the airport, for on this day he is eastward-bound in search of an appropriate abode, that we may continue to survive and thrive in the city of Akron.

Having deposited Jeff at Terminal 7 in a flurry of kisses and well-wishes, our day’s journey began its final, most interminable, leg. The tiny prisoner’s mournful cries soon filled the car, as I – in the driver’s seat – strove in vain to relieve his overwhelming ennui . Failing in my goal, I resorted to a desperate and much-protracted rendition of “The Wheels on the Bus”. But it was all for naught; he could not be assuaged.

At last, we reached the local vendor of produce and dry goods. With naught to cook for and little motivation to belabor myself, a $5.49 sushi roll was collected in short time, as well as some herbed cheese that shall serve as a handsome accompaniment to one of the fine wines from my private reserves (a vintner colloquially known as “Two Buck Chuck”).

We progressed homeward for the final time this day, and within short order I had enticed the tiny creature once more sleep. I feasted upon my sushi while penning this missive, and now sit – pantsless, with only my faithful hound for company – and await such time as he shall awaken.