I don’t know what I expected, but I can definitely say it wasn’t this. I’m pleasantly surprised, because for as many drugs and as much alcohol that Kelly Osbourne‘s ingested over the years, you’d think that she’d look more like her dad, Ozzy, than like her mother, Sharon, but she looks … well, she looks cute. She looks like a happy little girl, and not a twenty-seven year-old woman who’s been through engagements and celebrity feuds and a trunk’s-worth of cocaine and vodka. All things considered, not so bad, right?

These are photos of Eva Mendes being all domestic and shopping for things like flowers and Pyrex baking dishes, and I could completely vomit at how beautiful her stupid face is even without its stupid makeup on. It’s like, come on. Stop bragging, Eva. We already know you’re beautiful as it is, and we already know how damn lucky you are because you get to sleep next to (oh, and with) Ryan Gosling night in and night out, and now you really have to go and stick in our faces how lovely your face is first thing in the morning? I guess it’s all that Ryan Gosling-sex, you’re right. If any of us woke up next to Ryan Gosling in the morning, we’d probably look this good, too. You make a good point.

Also, I happened to notice that girl’s got eggs, flour, and bagged frozen fruit in the basket, so I’m going to surmise that she’s going to bake her man, Ryan Gosling, a fruit cobbler. And I have just THE BEST recipe for fruit cobbler, and it’s been tested. Recently. I made it last week, and it was so amazing that I had to fight with myself (almost physically) to not eat the entire thing. It was that. good.

So, you know, Eva, if you’re looking for some tips on how to bake a man-catching cobbler, just, you know, give me your passcode to Ryan’s house and I’ll whip it up nice and good for him. I definitely won’t be telling you how I’m totally planning on changing the code once I’m in so that you’re unable to barge in and interrupt what’s sure to be a lovely night of cobbler and candlelight (and I just bought the most darling taper candles), accusing me of sabotaging your plans and stealing your ideas, because really. Where would that leave me, then? I’ll tell you where: on the shitty side of a restraining order, duh.

This is what Jennifer Love Hewitt did yesterday with her mom. And by “this,” I mean “I have no idea what and don’t particularly care, because she looks good and that’s what we keep Jennifer Love Hewitt around for and not her acting talent.”

My thing, though, is—would she consider this outing with her mom—Mother’s Day, so to speak—a special occasion? Because she’s still vagazzling, and it’s apparently reserved for special occasions:

During A and E Networks 2012 Upfront event on At Wednesday, ‘The Client List’ said that beneath her cleavage-bearing Alexander McQueen dress she was vajazzled because “it’s a special occasion.”

But she doesn’t stop there: she admitted to Access Hollywood that she desperately wants to be Anastasia in a film adaption of Fifty Shades of Grey:

“I wanna be Anastasia so badly.” … In the book, Anastasia is a young woman, who after taking over an assignment to interview eligible bachelor Christian Grey, ends up on an R-Rated journey. “I think it would be awesome. I think it would be really, really fun. I just started part of it,” she added, referring to the book. “And I’m saving the rest for my vacation in a month or so.”

So, didn’t I tell you guys, like, years ago that Jennifer Love here would soon be experiencing this certain sort of career revival? She’s on talk shows, this Client List thing is putting Lifetime networks back on the map for everyone not female and under fifty, and she’s looking hotter than ever before. I backed you then, girl, and I’m going to back you now … even if you arestill a total flake.

So I guess if you guys are really hardcore followers of this lovely—and newly single—lady, then you’ll probably recognize her off the bat. While I think she’s pretty hot, and she’s got an … um, let’s say ‘interesting’ personality, I had a hard time figuring out who it was when I first saw the picture. Here’s another, from a different angle:

Any ideas yet? This lady looks so different without her customary face on that she’s almost unrecognizable (still beautiful, yes, but unrecognizable).

The caption to this photo—which was posted on AnnaLynne‘s Twitter account:

I woke up this morning and decided I’m over Hollywood’s perfection requirement. To all my girls(and boys) who have ever been embarrassed by their skin! I salute you! I’m not perfect – and that’s okay with me!

Can I tell you how much I love this? Because I do. When I heard that AnnaLynne decided to do this, I was all like “Ugh, this bitch is going to pretend that she’s not wearing any makeup but you just know that she’s going to have that primer foundation on with a light dusting of pearlescent powder and the only makeup she’s not wearing is eye makeup and lipstick and why the f-ck is she even going to bother” and guys! I was wrong!

I’m completely behind AnnaLynne for what she did here, and not only is she pretty, it’s one of those circumstances where she looks way, way better like this than she ever could with all of her shellacked-on war paint, looking like this:

Ugh, man, I’m going to totally hate myself for saying this, but isn’t Gwyneth Paltrow cute without makeup? I know that’s probably precisely what she wants to hear from us (the commoners), and she’s probably going to ride this high horse for the next six years—at least—but I had to say it. I’m sorry. Sometimes I just can’t lie when it comes to certain celebrities, and though it’s unfortunate that it’s all about Gwyneth Paltrow this time, I couldn’t do it now, either.

This is Gwyneth, no makeup, running errands in the rain while in London. And it’s apparent—personal feelings aside—that girlfriend is even striking when she doesn’t have a full face of powder and contouring paste and fake eyelashes on.

How do all you guys feel about girlfriend? Is she a self-righteous twat little flower no matter what she looks like? Or should we cut her some slack and say, “Hey. Maybe she’s not as miserably self-involved as she comes off”?

You know who’s supposedly not dating Ashton Kutcher? This girl. Mila Kunis. Yeah, after their “day-long” date the other day, sources are saying that Ashton’s forcing Mila to make statements with words like “friends for years,” and “casual friends,” and “dinner with friends.” Because why? I don’t know. I really don’t. Ashton can look no better (and no worse) in the public eye than he already does, so why bother with the damage control, you know?

Anyway, this is Mila Kunis sans fards. No makeup. And she looks pretty good, right? Makes you kind of wonder why some celebrities even really bother with the fanfare of getting all glitzed up and glammed out to go to the damned grocery store, when you have gals like this who are completely content and confident in who they are and how they look that they appear like this out in public. I give girlfriend credit, because she’s easily been one of the most sought-after chicks in Hollywood over the past year or so, and it apparently hasn’t gone to her head.

I guess the only advice I have for Mila is just don’t mess around with Ashton, girl. I’m sure it happened on the set of That 70′s Show, but it was like you were an entirely different girl back then. You’ve grown, and so has your career. Don’t go intermingling with douchebags that’ll only bring you down, OK?