Sunday, 20 October 2013

The
Tea Party in the United States has accomplished an extremely difficult task. It
has made politicians in Greece look positively statesmanlike. Whatever bumbling
and fumbling we have seen in Athens over the last several years has now been more
than equalled in Washington.

My
foreign friends shake their heads is dismay, confusion and anger about what
they have been seeing. What is this thing called the Tea Party? How can this group bring the world’s one remaining
super-power to the brink of implosion? They watch in amazement as the fanatics
in the Tea Party accomplish what no foreign power or terrorists have been able to do – create the impression of an incompetent
giant as much of a threat to itself as anyone else in the world.

The
best response I can come up with is that much of this nonsense is pure theatre
– nothing else. Not very good theatre, but still theatre.There is very little chance that the leading actors of this
far-right fantasy will ever get their hands on the levers of real power or
change the direction of the American government. The government is already so
big with so much inertia and so many vested interests in the status quo -- from
retired people, to local governments that desperately need federal assistance,
to farmers, to the military/industrial complex, etc, etc. -- that serious, fundamental change is almost
impossible. Maybe you can tinker at the margins, but that’s about all.

The Master Of Political Theatre

No
less than Republican stalwarts like Ronald Reagan and George Bush came to power
claiming they would reverse the spread of ‘big’ government. They soon gave up that
quixotic effort. Just consider two major budget items, Social Security and
Medicare. Every conservative worthy of the name has railed against these two
programs and promised to ‘cut them down to size.’ Never happens. They soon
learn that threatening to touch these two is like touching the third rail in a
metro system – instant political death. And efforts to cut other government
hand-outs are instantly met with loud squeals of protest that can easily
transform into votes against the offending politician. Much easier not to rock
the boat too much.

The
Tea Party act may play well locally, but it weakens dramatically in state-wide
contests, and disappears from sight in national elections. The Tea Party is
such an appealing target in national elections that if it didn’t exist,
President Obama would have to create it. It is the perfect foil for the
Democrats, the perfect bogeyman that allows them to scare enough normal people
to vote Democratic to keep their benefits. We will probably find out in a few
years that the Tea Party poster child Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas is actually on the
White House payroll.

Sen. Ted Cruz: Is He Secretly Working For The Democrats?

Just
consider the national demographics to realize the futility of the Tea Party
protests. The so-called Red States are indeed Red and likely to stay so.
Trouble is not many people live in those places, and they don’t really count in
national elections. If I were a Democratic strategist I would easily give you relatively
empty Wyoming, Montana, and Utah in return for the heavily populated Northeast,
California, Illinois and Michigan. The Democrats could probably nominate Darth Vader for president in 2016 and
still win.

This
is not the first time this very bad play has run in the United States. Through
the relatively short history of the country from time to time some clever
politician, now aided by the very loud and pugnacious trolls on cable TV, taps
into an underlying streak of distrust, fear, and isolationism that runs
throughout parts of the US. Big government, big business, big anything, and
foreigners of all shapes and colours are blamed for what is wrong with the
country. If we get rid of the bums and
stick our heads in the sand everything will be all right and go back to the way
it was in 1955. The mythology underlying this trend is that the ‘Last
Honest Man’ lives anywhere outside corrupted urban areas in a permanent set
from the old TV show Leave It To Beaver.

The
ultimate cynicism, sell-out if you will, is that most of those Congressmen who rant
the loudest about the evils of Washington and other urban areas usually stay in
those cities when their political terms are finally over. The lists of
lobbyists and leaders of the ‘trade associations’ are filled with former
members of Congress who use their Rolodex to slide into multi-million dollar
jobs. Somehow the charms of Little House
On The Prairie fade in comparison to the seduction of the bright lights and
brighter bank accounts in Washington. Anyone who wants to rock this boat with
real political convictions is treated
like a charter member of Al Qaeda.

Just
consider the case of former Sen. Jim De Mint of South Carolina. Once a leading
light of the ‘We-hate-Washington’ Tea Party brigade he resigned his Senate seat
last year to become president of the conservative Heritage Foundation located
in, you guessed it, Washington. He claimed the move was to ‘expand’ the
conservative movement. Right. I don’t know about the expansion of the
conservative movement, but his financial situation certainly expanded with a
sharp pay increase.

For
a full explanation of the incestuous and seductive nature of Washington I
recommend Mark Leibovich’s recently published book This Town. It is an engaging tale of how Washington absorbs and
molds many who come there with fervent expectations and hopes to change the
‘Town.’ More often than not, it is the ‘Town’ that changes them.

Tuesday, 15 October 2013

The tones of Hail to Chief waft over the
crowd as President-elect Hillary Clinton takes the podium at her inauguration
in 2017.

First
of all my fellow Americans, I would like to thank Senator Ted Cruz of the great
state of Texas and Senator Mike Lee of the beautiful state of Utah for making
this historical moment possible. Without their unstinting efforts to create an
America where no middle aged white male is left behind in his country club we
would not be here.

Like
every newly-elected president I, too, would like to extend my hand in true
bipartisan spirit and invite all 20 surviving members of the Republican
congressional delegation to a small dinner at the White House. And, contrary to
their expectations, I will bake the
cookies served for dessert.

Now, onto my agenda. First, I think the
current Supreme Court works too hard – too many cases and not enough people to
share the load. Therefore, I propose increasing the number of justices from nine to 11. I will nominate two people with outstanding qualifications that the
Senate, with its Democratic majority of 85, should have no trouble confirming.
Former presidents Bill Clinton and Barrack Obama have graciously agreed to join
the Supreme Court and continue its stellar work of upholding the best of the
Constitution.

Practising Her Speech

Then,
to show that there are no hard feelings for those who hold sharply different
views than my own, I will nominate Rush Limbaugh as our new ambassador to Iran
and Glenn Beck as ambassador to the newly created nation of Antarctica. I am
sure that with their well demonstrated cultural sensitivity and deep interest
in other religions and life styles they will represent the best that America
has to offer. I want to assure both men that we will work diligently to correct
whatever infrastructure deficiencies like the lack of cable TV or the shortage of a decent golf
courses that these two outstanding countries may suffer from.

My
other foreign policy initiatives include a fast track toward citizenship for
all those rushing to America for a better life style. We will indeed deliver a chicken in every pot -- and a Democratic
party registration card -- to all those deserving souls. It is also time, my
fellow Americans, to end the decades-long embargo of Cuba. The possibilities
for trade in valuable items like cigars, rum, and American voting rights with
the attached Democratic Party registration cards are simply too valuable to
ignore much longer.

In
recognition of America’s pre-eminent position in the world I think it is only
fair that we allow the opportunity for other carefully qualified non-Americans
to participate in our great elections. Every pre-qualified non-American will
get one-half of a vote compared to a full vote for all red-blooded full
Americans. Of course, those qualifications will include the willingness and
ability to sign the aforementioned Democratic Party registration cards.

Now
we all know that one of the first jobs for any American president is to create
jobs. Therefore, I am proposing that former House Speaker John Boehner be
offered the job as under-gardener in the Rose Garden – the White House Rose
Garden. It is indeed tragic that his long service in the House was cut short by
the upset win of the gay lesbian rock star Total Tatoo. But I want to assure
Mr. Boehner this surprising loss will not mean that he has to leave Washington
or join the ranks of the unemployed. I am sure that his well known ability to
spread fertilizer will serve him well in his new job.

I
know you all want to help our great city of Detroit out of its financial problems.
I think we can relieve the pressure on cities like Detroit with a large-scale
population transfer of those citizens to the wide-open spaces of Utah, parts of
Texas, and Nebraska. I am sure that the good citizens of those states will
welcome their new neighbours with open arms instead of loaded arms. Vice President Michelle Obama will be working
tirelessly on this effort.

Now
you might wonder where the money to fund all these new, exciting programs will
come from. I think a surtax of about 50% of the profits of hedge funds – except
those who contributed more than $1 million to my campaign – will certainly help
plug that funding gap. If this doesn’t do the trick another, temporary of course, surtax of 80% on
incomes over $2 million should do the trick.

I
would also like to take this opportunity to assure my fellow Americans that
we have not sold Alaska
back to the Russians to pay our national debt. There were some preliminary discussions, but
these quickly fell apart when Russian President Putin demanded that former
governor Sarah Palin be included in the deal. I told him there was no way that
we could part with such a national treasure. We countered that we would throw in Idaho and a few counties in Texas instead of Sarah Palin. But he stuck to his demands, so no deal was done.

Again,
I must offer my thanks to the Tea Party for its great efforts on my behalf. Is
this a great country, or what?

Sunday, 6 October 2013

Have you ever been at a party where your suburban
neighbour is going on and on about his recent adventure trip to Nepal, the
Antarctic or the South American rain forests where he got to live among natives
who travel piranha filled rivers in flimsy wooden canoes? These monologues
are usually accompanied by a digital camera filled with photos of our intrepid traveller
gasping for air at 22,000 feet on some Nepalese mountain or wrapped in layers
of goose down setting out across the frozen wastes of Antarctica looking like
some snow-bound Michelin man.

Calling Room Service At 20,000 feet

During all this you sort of slink in the corner, made
to feel that your recent trip to Paris was little more than going to Walmart
for a new outdoor grill. Your neighbour’s hard-won souvenirs might include the
blackened, frost bitten toes or the permanently disrupted digestive system of a
real traveller. All you have to show
for your efforts might be an elegant new hand bag, a fashionable dress, and a
very satisfied, content digestive system. Your luggage might even include a
couple of bottles of delicious claret which, admittedly, might not have the
kick of your neighbour’s fermented yak milk. But it goes much better with boeuf bourguignon.

Do not get dismayed! The Old Continent still has much
to offer. You can enjoy splendid architecture, unparalleled museums, glorious
concerts and superb scenery and, this is
very important for travellers of a certain age, still enjoy the marvels of
indoor plumbing and comfortable beds. Not to mention food that you recognize.

It is easy to take a car on a train through the
Channel Tunnel and wind up in Calais in about half an hour. From there you can go on the excellent French motorway system to any part of the country or
onto surrounding countries. There’s an added bonus if you travel on Sundays
because, unlike the UK, very few trucks are allowed on continental motorways on
Sunday.

As we zipped comfortably through northern France on
beautifully made wide roads I was reminded of another road trip I took several
years ago from New Delhi to Udaipur. We were in a gaily coloured minibus with
an unnaturally serene driver and a hyperactive assistant. The assistant’s job
became clear when the driver attempted to overtake on this narrow two-lane road
filled with trucks, minibuses, and assorted sacred animals that brought all
traffic to a screeching halt to allow them to cross the road unharmed. There
was much less concern for the fate of humans. After overtaking in the face of a
solid wall of oncoming traffic the driver would attempt to pull in on the
correct side of the road. At this point the assistant would frantically wave
his arm out the window to open up a tiny space in the dense line of traffic for
us to enter seconds before the oncoming articulated lorry would reduce our
minibus to scrap metal.

Having made it safely to the Süd Tirol in Italy you
are confronted with the magnificent soaring crags of the Dolomites brilliantly illuminated in a rainbow of colours every evening as the sun sets.
You have the option of doing absolutely nothing other than sitting an enjoying
the scenery while being waited upon hand and foot. Or you can set off on one of
the hundreds of well-marked hiking trails. These trails are designed for all
levels of energy from the semi-ambulatory to serious rock climbers and mountain
bikers. We were walking along one intermediate trail when we came upon a group
of oddly smiling people running fast off
a cliff in full faith and hope that their paragliders worked. We watched them
circle around like giant hawks, but we never did see one actually land.

Sunset In The Dolomites

One of the really nice things about these Dolomite
walks is that you never have to walk very far to one of the good restaurants in
the mountains. You’ve made it this far and then reward yourself with a good
lunch and a bit of wine. Then the only question is whether to walk back down or
take the handy cable car. It’s not that hard a decision.

A short trip takes you to Verona where, in addition to
the inevitable visit to Juliet’s house with its much-photographed balcony, you
can enjoy an opera staged in the Roman arena. One advantage of an opera in a
large setting is the opportunity for enormous stage sets. In Rigoletto the sets of medieval
Mantua were much more realistic than anything in venues like Covent Garden in
London.

The Italians may have speed limits on the autostrada but if they exist no one
seems to pay a great deal of attention. On the way to a friend’s house in Ivrea
at the mouth of the Val d’Aosta we were doing about 80 mph – in the slow lane. Most
of the invasion routes into Italy over the centuries seem to have come down the
Val d’Aosta, and those armies left castles, fortresses, and roads scattered all
over the hills and towns of the area.

Roman Walls In Aosta

A very scenic trip up the valley, past the Courmayeur
ski area and through the 6.5 mile Mt. Blanc tunnel takes you back into France.
The toll for the tunnel is expensive, €41, but, given the alternative of going
over the Grand St. Bernard pass, it’s not unreasonable. After a while you enter
the gentle rolling hills of Burgundy where everyone was getting ready for the vendage.

A leisurely trip back across northern France after two
days sampling the many delights of Burgundy rounded out our trip through
Europe. Granted, there were no Amazonian piranhas, no frozen mountain peaks,
and very few suicidal lorry drivers to generate stories for the barbeque. But
despite those drawbacks we found that the Old Continent still has much to offer.

Followers

About Me

I worked as a fund manager and investment banker in Turkey and the Middle East for 25 years. Over the years I have travelled extensively throughout the region and have met many of the leading government officials, business and cultural leaders. I am married to a Greek and now divide my time between London, Turkey, and an island in the Aegean.