The ups and downs of running in unfamiliar territory with Type 1 Diabetes and working with the four noble truths.

If we really want to get rid of suffering, completely and totally, then clinging has to go. The spiritual path is never one of achievement; it is always one of letting go. The more we let go, the more there is empty and open space for us to see reality. Because what we let go of is no longer there, there is the possibility of just moving without clinging to the results of the movement. As long as we cling to the results of what we do, as long as we cling to the results of what we think, we are bound, we are hemmed in.Meditating on No-Self: A Dhamma Talk (Edited forBodhi Leaves),by Sister Khema(1994)

Thursday, October 4, 2012

And then came nothing but views and opinions

I haven't run since Monday. I'm sure my mind can list all kinds of reasons, I can list a variety of things that my mind tells me is the actual situation. None of it is the actual situation.

I am unable to release certain attachment and clinging and as a result I continue to spiral over the last three days in and out of ego issues, personal self worth issues, creating this continuing line of suffering that seems to resonate with me and follow me like a cloud.

Only today can I put the words on paper/computer. A full blown inability to let go of self, craving, attachment that leads to letting my mind wander off in to its own little world of silliness and despair which plagued me for so many years until I worked my way toward thinking in a more appropriate fashion using mindfulness, following the breath and the like.

Maybe it is good that I am typing it out now. That penultimate sentence has made me suddenly feel better than I have felt in 3 days. Still, attachment/craving/ name it what you want. It truly is suffering. I've made myself suffer for three days now.