Tag: snark
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So this week, a 79-year old birder was confronted by one of the heavily armed, idiot jamokes occupying a public wildlife refuge in Oregon. Good thing the guy didn’t just open fire — someone might have gotten a peek at the burrowing owls! But instead he walked up and started screaming orders at the one law-abiding citizen in the park. What happened next, produced what is definitely the FBI quote of the week:

we’re asking the elderly not to knock any more militants on their ass

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Da’esh is what we have been calling ISIS or ISIL, but here’s a rundown of why Da’esh is a much better term for them. Their goals include establishing a worldwide Caliphate, an Islamic state governed (in Da’esh’s model) according to the most primitive and brutal principles that vaguely resemble anything the typical 21st century Muslim would recognize. Their long-term goal is immanentizing the Eschaton, or triggering Armageddon.

So, other than general hatred of things Western and secular, why would they hit Paris? France, like the US, is possessed of a significant segment of society with a deep mistrust of all Muslims, especially recent arrivals from the Mid-East. Despite the fact that a typical recent arrival seeking refugee status was most likely motivated to leave home and undertake that perilous journey specifically to get away from Da’esh’s violence and repression. They may have been specifically identified by Da’esh as enemies. They arrive on our shores with the potential to be the most effective enemies of Da’esh.

But how can we help Da’esh? Start mistreating all Muslims who live within our borders, and especially any who have just arrived as refugees from Da’esh areas. Make sure to reinforce the Da’esh’s propaganda that the West is hostile to all things and all people Islamic. Refuse to treat refugees’ situations as a serious threat to them, rather treat the existence of all Muslim and/or brown people as a serious threat to White society.

This will probably suffice to recruit thousands of able-bodied Muslims to the cause of Da’esh, and boost their manpower greatly in order to ensure that the next operations will be more extensive and more successful.

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Racism is over, after all. Why, the Jacksonville, FL school board voted unanimously to remove the name of Nathan Bedford Forrest from what is now known simply as Westside High School. Forrest, as you know, was a founder of the social justice warrior group known by its initial K, just three times over. Anyhow, Duval County school board members took that brave and progressive measure well over a year ago! Maybe soon even Tennessee parks and schools will catch up.

Meanwhile, in Denton, TX “vandals”, as the city is affectionately calling them, did this:

Well, I don’t know why the city wasted $50,000 removing this factual enhancement from the monument, but they did. A silly waste of tax money. Still, they intend to reward the folks who so gallantly tried to help educate the populace by granting them up to two years of free housing and meals. Plus a lifetime ban from attending events on the Denton, TX Courthouse Lawn.

(p.s. I’ve already helped myself to that last prize, and I didn’t even have to factually enhance a monument to traitors to get it. Don’t tell Denton!)

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Ken Paxton, the attorney general of Texas, has been instructing county clerks across that state to disregard the Supreme Court’s decision in Obergefell v. Hodges. To disobey the law of the land.

“How can that be?”, you say. “Isn’t he sworn to obey all laws? Isn’t that the oath he took when he was admitted to the bar?” Well, actually, no. At least not from what I can discern in the plain meaning of the words of the New Lawyer Oath of the Texas Bar Association:

I, _______, do solemnly swear to support the Constitutions of the United States, and of this State; that I will honestly demean myself in the practice of law; that I will discharge my duties to my clients to the best of my ability; and, that I will conduct myself with integrity and civility in dealing and communicating with the court and all parties. So help me God.

(Aside: isn’t it funny that this oath doesn’t mention Texas by name? Did they just take some boilerplate from the ABA and slap it on their own letterhead?)

So “obey” is not mentioned, and “support” could just mean something like “cheer on,” right? And “integrity” – well, what would a Ken Paxton know about that? Not so much, it seems. See, telling clerks that they should ignore a Supreme Court ruling is just part of a pattern of law-ignoring that seems to suit Ken’s personal style. Today I found this gem:

Special prosecutors will ask a Texas grand jury as early as this month to indict the state’s attorney general on first-degree felony charges for suspected securities laws violations, one of the prosecutors said on Thursday. A spokesman for Attorney General Ken Paxton, a Republican who came to office earlier this year with strong Tea Party support, was not immediately available for comment.

Now, if Ken didn’t love me, why would he be so generous to me with material?

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Mark Felt, in his Deep Throat incarnation, told Woodward, “follow the money.” Woodward paid attention to this should-be-obvious advice and the Nixon presidency was cooked.

Today, the biggest inside-out rot comes from the NSA, the CIA, and their unlimited surveillance feeding codependency with paranoia about “terrorism“.

CNN and other stenography pools journalism organizations put one talking head after another on TV to shriek about how brown people gonna kill us all unless we flay Ed Snowden alive and turn over all our browsing and cell phone data to Big Brother.

Lee Fang from The Intercept actually followed the money, and oh, guess what. Turns out these talking heads are all making major bank from contractors providing surveillance tech to the NSA and its ilk.