You might be asking “What is up with zombies?” I ask the same thing about moustaches. The difference between the two is one could be a real pandemic and one is just annoying.

The CDC (Center for Disease Control and Prevention) realized the need for preparedness and put together a document to reference Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse in case one would occur. Here are some additional pointers that were woefully omitted:

Figure out what type of zombies you are confronted with.

There are many types of zombies: slow moving “walkers” who are affected by the elements, rage-induced zombies looking to destroy anything in their path, super-human zombies who are able to do things above and beyond anything a living human can do, etc. You want to hope for slow moving zombies as they make easier targets. Study up on zombies by watching the abundant amount of television shows and movies dedicated to them; they are your tutorials.

The best offense is a good defense.

Regardless of what type of zombie you will be dealing with, they have an attribute you do not: they never will get tired. All they want is you. So you need to get into physical and emotional shape to outlast them. Take up jogging (and dodging moving targets). Build up strength by chopping wood. NFL athletes are good at dodging and jumping over things; consider training like one.

Be able to survive on only what you can carry.

While a preparedness kit the size of plastic tote might hold everything you need, you won’t be able to carry it for long. Everything you need should fit into a bag small enough to carry on your body without being bulky. Zombies can grab at bulky.

Learn how to drive a dirt bike.

They are easy to maneuver over any terrain and require a small amount of gas. While a giant reinforced tank sounds like a good idea, they get stuck easily and require a lot of gas.