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Re: Has the lifestyle ruined dating for you

Originally Posted by whodathoe

Im 24 he's 19. We havent had the sit down yet just her asking me about basics (occupation, age, etc)

I look younger than my age, and it's not uncommon for advances to be made by kids in that age range. And when I say kids, it's not to be condescending, but you gotta come to grips with what you're dealing with here. I'm only four years older than you, so I don't feel like there's a generational gap here which leaves me out of touch with 'the youth of today', but where I was at when I was 24, and where you're at being 24, and you audit that against where he is being 19... come on, it's pretty obvious that you're having doubts. Trust your instincts.

Do you want a boy or do you want a man? Me, personally, I've got three teenagers (16, 17, and 19) who are living under my care to various degrees here. When it comes to dealing with mama's boys and those who aren't at least well on their way to getting their shit together, I am absolutely, positively in no fucking way inclined to deal with that, be they 20, 30, whatever. If he doesn't have the fortitude now to say to her, "look, I know you mean well, but I'm an adult now, I have to take charge of my life and my destiny, I need to live and learn, and yes, from mistakes as much as success", it's going to drag you down.

Don't get me wrong. I didn't have it all figured out at 19, 24, or even now. I struck out on my own when I was a couple months shy of turning 18, and I talk about my first two roommates a lot, who really did a lot for me and I feel like I owe them a debt of gratitude that I can never repay. But I've been consistently on my way there and getting things sorted out, and I simply cannot settle for less. Of course, I also had to start adulting much earlier in life, and maybe that factors into it. But I don't feel you should settle, either.

Of course I don't know the whole story and this is based on what little I do know of your situation, but I know quite a few people who found themselves in situations where the story has/had a similar opening line to yours.

The other thing to keep in mind... when it comes to helicopter parents, you never know when they'll be willing to land and shut the engines down. One of my friends started dating a guy who was 33, and he still had the whirlybird in the air above him. Suffice to say, that didn't last.

My hair seems to be seized by the wind
But I must continue this trip, never looking back.
Never looking back...