Do you think that understanding why something happened is necessary to fully forgive what actually happened?

Created: 04/27/13

Replies: 12

Posted Apr. 27, 2013
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admin

Join Date: 10/11/10

Posts: 369

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Do you think that understanding why something happened is necessary to fully forgive what actually happened?

On p. 252 Nathan says: "Juliette never let go of the why, which seemed to bother her more than the actuality. She searched for a reason that would put his infidelity into a paradigm she could understand and thus prevent from happening ever again. As though if he revealed the truth, she'd then understand how to prevent him from straying."

Do you think that understanding why something happened is necessary to fully forgive what actually happened?

Posted May. 20, 2013
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janeh

Join Date: 06/15/11

Posts: 131

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RE: Do you think that understanding why something happened is necessary to fully forgive what actually happened?

Most definitely! Even then, sometimes it's hard to put yourself in the other person's shoes to really get a definite understanding of the whole scope of a situation. But it's absolutely necessary if you are going to HONESTLY look at a situation and determine where to go from there.

Posted May. 20, 2013
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peg

Join Date: 08/11/11

Posts: 29

RE: Do you think that understanding why something happened is necessary to fully forgive what actually happened?

Definitely. To try to understand is important to possible forgiveness and/or acceptance of situation. Forgiveness and acceptance to move on are two different steps.

Posted May. 20, 2013
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tillieh

Join Date: 04/28/11

Posts: 60

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RE: Do you think that understanding why something happened is necessary to fully forgive what actually happened?

I think it depends on the situation. There were many situations in my life where I was able to forgive and get past it without knowing the why. I think Juliette's thinking that if she knew the why she would be able to prevent it from happening again is a bit misconstrued. Sometimes there just isn't a why. Some times, things just happen because people get caught up in a moment or a feeling at that time, not ever meaning for it to happen. Why he continued with the affair -- I'm not sure he even understood why he allowed it to continue. So if he couldn't figure out why it continued what difference would it make?

Posted May. 20, 2013
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norahp

Join Date: 04/27/13

Posts: 19

RE: Do you think that understanding why something happened is necessary to fully forgive what actually happened?

That's a good point--it sounds like there might actually be two kinds of attempted understanding here: Nathan's understanding (or lack thereof) of his own actions and Juliette's attempts to understand (and potentially forgive) the motivation for those actions.

Posted May. 22, 2013
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mariannes

Join Date: 12/17/12

Posts: 197

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RE: Do you think that understanding why something happened is necessary to fully forgive what actually happened?

No, I think sometimes a person never understands why something happens. Does that mean you can never forgive? That would be a terrible burden to put on yourself. I've always been told, and believe, that I'll find out things when I'm supposed to, not when I want to. That said, of course it is easier to forgive if you can see another person's point of view.

Posted May. 22, 2013
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dorothyt

Join Date: 04/10/11

Posts: 102

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RE: Do you think that understanding why something happened is necessary to fully forgive what actually happened?

Perhaps Juliette was beginning to understand about Nathan's infidelity and was able to forgive that, but it seems that she still didn't understand why he didn't tell her about the baby, maybe because he didn't understand himself.

In answer to the original question, I don't think understanding is necessary for forgiving, other than understanding that all of us make bad choices and deserve forgiveness when we are sorry and ask and try to make things right.

Posted May. 22, 2013
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bestmartin

Join Date: 02/20/13

Posts: 20

RE: Do you think that understanding why something happened is necessary to fully forgive what actually happened?

Yes, definitely. Without understanding you can make a superficial decision to forgive and forget but deep down there's no real resolution.

Posted May. 31, 2013
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beverlyj

Join Date: 12/22/11

Posts: 45

RE: Do you think that understanding why something happened is necessary to fully forgive what actually happened?

At times I wondered what was really bothering Juliette - that she was hurt by Nathan's double betrayal or that the man she thought she married had a side to him that she could not relate to.

Juliette did not understand how the Nathan she fell in love with and was a loving father to his sons - could so easily dismiss both Tia and Savannah from his life. IMO - that is a hard reality for a wife to face as he seemed to dismiss these events/people like they did not exist. It left her wondering would he ever do this to her as he never had 'definite' answers to why the affair, why he so dismissed his child.

What Nathan was not more cautious regarding birth control and disease - If I was Juliette I would be mad that he was so careless in having unprotected sex with another woman!!!

Posted Jun. 04, 2013
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pennyn

Join Date: 10/21/10

Posts: 23

RE: Do you think that understanding why something happened is necessary to fully forgive what actually happened?

No. Maybe as a younger person it is necessary but at 38 not so much. I cherish the 8x10 I was gifted of my birth mom. I framed it with an 8x10 of me. It was my high school graduation picture. I see it every time I go up to my library. Although she has brown eyes and I have blue most people think they are both photos of me. I think if there was a fire I would grab my cats and that picture...

Penny

Posted Jun. 04, 2013
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sarahh

Join Date: 03/05/12

Posts: 13

RE: Do you think that understanding why something happened is necessary to fully forgive what actually happened?

I think we need to know why something happened, but they may not always be the person's explanation of why. I think the comfort can sometimes come from the cosmic why, not why did you do this, but why did this happen to me (us)?

Posted Jun. 08, 2013
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lindas

Join Date: 12/26/11

Posts: 9

RE: Do you think that understanding why something happened is necessary to fully forgive what actually happened?

No. It would be nice to know why something happened. To understand what happened. But we rarely know what others motives really are. Sometimes you have to "let it go" so you yourself can be free.

Posted Jun. 27, 2013
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arielf

Join Date: 04/22/11

Posts: 23

RE: Do you think that understanding why something happened is necessary to fully forgive what actually happened?

I think that it definitely depends on what has happened. For me, I do not think it is cut solution or definite yes or no.