Champions: Shreddy Mercury, all shred no shlemiel

It’s a true privilege to present this week’s Champion, the first official winner to transcend our personal attacks and move right into religious ones, with an official high-gloss limited edition US Air Guitar Champion Trading Card.

SHREDDY MERCURY’S (Seth Leibowitz) fans know him as a transformative Mr. Sweetypants turned human fucking monster, as when he smiles coyly at the crowd before getting wheeled onto the stage Hannibal Lecter-style, straight jacket and all. That’s right about when he’ll bite off something’s head that was alive just moments before. For his denouement, he’ll spits its blood on the expensive seats.

Shreddy Mercury is also known as the only guy who nearly beat HOT LIXX HULAHAN in the 2008 US Championships – which by my calculations makes him that year’s second best air guitarist in the world. And he did it free of pyrotechnics, poppers, or tchatchke of any sort: just a man, his air guitar, and his mishegas.

An educator by day, a top tier performer by night, and all-around mensch, today we split the stanchions to our most exclusive club for Mr. Shreddy Fucking Mercury (Seth Leibowitz).

Each handmade trading card celebrates like never before the pillars of US Air Guitar – those members of the competitive air guitar community who have lifted the sport out of the bedroom, onto the stage, and now into the basement beside water-damaged sets of Magic the Gathering and d20 dice.

These limited edition jpegs come in two sets: CHAMPIONS (Tuesdays) and LEGENDS (Thursdays), featuring rankings and expert analysis on everything from competitor agility to homoeroticity.