We are more than this…

Tag Archives: joy

Over a 25 year period, I’ve had the opportunity to facilitate self-awareness workshops. What I found is that there are countless numbers of us, both women and men, who have taken on the role of primary caretaker and as a result have put aside our own self-nurturing and self-care. This is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves to develop a life lived with joy.

In some of these workshops, taking care of oneself seemed an almost alien concept to some. “What do you mean by self-nurturing?” They would ask. We raise our children while maintaining a healthy environment for them. We promote education, gently guiding family members in particular directions when a talent is recognized. We are there to “lift up” our spouses, significant others, friends and colleagues when they’re blue. We rise in the morning thinking of others. We go through each day, each hour, sometimes each moment planning how we will care for our family members, friends, or coworkers. We are the nurturers of the world!

I am mother to five children (now ages twenty-one through thirty-eight). When they were younger, I remember getting up in the morning before anyone else was awake heading for the shower already thinking of the dentist appointments, what to cook later for dinner and when? How would I get my then sixteen year old to a German club meeting and still get to the event I had volunteered for? Mind moving on and on, all of these thoughts occurring within a moment or two’s time… once resolved, I moved on to the other challenges I’d face that day.

Back then, time for my own interests was difficult to find. Whether to begin doctorate work became an anxiety ridden decision. Who would help with evening homework if I wasn’t home? Would my sixteen year old bring a troop of friends over while I was out? How would I prepare any kind of meal before I left for the evening? And finally, was the coursework something I even wanted to do? Or was I feeling pressured by my peers and employer? Talk about stress. One simple decision became a masterpiece of confusion and anxiety.

Does this sound familiar to you? Knowing how to care for ourselves, how to journey through each day being gentle on ourselves, being just as considerate of our “self” as we would be toward a family member, friend, or coworker… this is what we need to work toward and maintain. From a young age many of us were taught to be caretakers, we were conditioned to believe that it was our responsibility to care for others while our own needs were put aside. Today, many of us are caring for children or young adults, while very possibly caring for aging parents at the same time.

When you have a few minutes, try the following activity. What are some of the things that you do for others on a daily basis?

DO: List what you do for other people on a daily basis, right down to the smallest detail.

Here’s an example of what a typical day looked like for me while raising my children and working a full time:

Cooked breakfast before school and work

Cleaned up the dishes and started the dishwasher

Made school lunches and my lunch for work

Threw in a load of laundry in both the dryer and the washer

Made beds

Worked all day at the office

Fed the birds

Paid Bills

“Helped” the kids do their chores

Took recycling out to the garage

Did the banking

Helped my oldest write his resume

Called a friend in need

Stopped at the store to pick up household goods

Worked on insurance benefits

My list was for a full day and I’ve most likely forgotten several things since that time. When you listed your day, you probably found your own list growing longer and longer with responsibilities that you typically do on “autopilot” and promptly forget. What I ask you to do next is more of a challenge. How much of your day is spent doing something for yourself, something rejuvenating or stress relieving? Something educational or a hobby you enjoy?

DO: List your own self-nurturing activities now.

I know you listed fewer activities. And you’re not alone! The majority of the people that have attended my workshops have had shorter lists as well. If you aren’t nurturing yourself, if you’re operating on overload… Not caring for you can lead to stress-filled days, resentment toward others, and finally burnout. What I’m suggesting is that you take the time to attend to your own well-being, just as you do for so many others.

Are you over-doing? It’s time to take steps toward self-nurturing. You are worthy of the same care you provide to others. You are just as important… just as special. Incorporate a reality check into each morning of your day. Evaluate what you want to happen in the day and how you’ll put some “me” time into your schedule. Set that time aside and stick to it as much as possible. Check it off at the end of each day. It doesn’t have to be some long impossible list. Here’s an example of my activities list. I would choose one or two from the list to incorporate into the day:

Work out

Spend time walking in nature

Sit at the local bookstore and sip tea

Read for 30 minutes after dinner

Write uninterrupted for one hour

Answer friends e-mail

Lunch with a friend at work

Sketch in my journal

Read and post affirmations

Attend a cooking class

Join a book discussion club

Have friends over once a week to just sit and gab

Refurbish a piece of furniture

Garden

Listen to music

Meditate

What did you put on your list? Choose one activity close to your heart and begin incorporating it into your day or week. Make it formal by putting it on your calendar or daily schedule. Block the time out for you! I’d love to hear some of the activities you’ve incorporated into the day or week just for yourself.

Next week: “You are the Hub of the Wheel,” an activity that helps create a visual snapshot of your life activities and responsibilities. Have a fabulous week!

How fortunate we are to have the ability to ask for guidance and receive answers. I’ve been working with a new process that involves observing symbols that rise to the forefront of mind while sitting in meditation. The practice includes recording each of the symbols received, describing them in writing, along with any important insights received. In one very revealing meditation, I started choosing symbols from previous dreams and meditations pulling from what I knew and felt comfortable with, then immediately realized it didn’t feel right. I had to let go of the old and let something else surface. It was there, I could feel it waiting. Within moments of letting go, a forest scene appeared.

I had been here before years ago in meditation, a wooded area with a stream rushing nearby, this scene was my symbol. A meditative event was my symbol, something completely unexpected. I’ve always had an object or shape, sometimes a sound. The scene unfolded, translucent body kneeling on the forest floor, shining in the speckled sunlight streaming through the trees, she… I was vulnerable, sensitive, loving. Now, we blended, existing in duality physical and spiritual, we sat feeling the events of past and present, even those that may unfold. And in those moments there was instant realization that we embraced all experience. Those that are considered positive, as well as those that are considered negative. Experience wrapped around us layer upon layer and the message? Experience builds strength and courage. We grow not only in human character but in Spiritual character as well.

During this meditation I felt acceptance of all that has been, that which is now occurring and all of that which may unfold. I, as both spiritual and physical, was embraced by an all-encompassing Love and knew that all is as it should be, no matter how it may appear. We dear reader are provided an opportunity to experience in every way, with physical senses, with emotion and feeling, with freedom, intellect and creativity of thought. This means experiencing all that comes along with living on the Earth as human. This is our workshop for the Spirit. This is our place to develop richness and strength of character. The meditative experience provided clear understanding that I have come to be who I am as a result of each sensed moment, emotion, feeling and thought. Each interaction and event that occurs over the course of a day, week, month, over the course of a lifetime is meant to provide us with love, joy, pain, sadness, with laughter, with conflicts or fear… immersed in diverse richness we experience Life.

Collectively as components of Spirit, we share these strengths. Embrace Life fully, hold yourself and others in compassion as we move through each experience, because we are all in this together! Spiritual beings living a physical existence, we are called to uplift, support, and walk with each other on these adventures. When your colleague stumbles, is fearful, in pain, needs your hand, take it. When you are troubled, suffering, feel alone, reach out! And share joys as well, celebrate milestones, rejoice when there are successes, join together and shout, “We are more than what is seen, we are more than this!”

“May the stream of my love, in all its depth and fullness, flow unceasingly from me to thee. May no winds of impatience blow upon its waters, may no ripple of unkindness mar its surface, may no storm of hostility disturb its depths, and may no sediment of deception choke its course. Rather, may the joy I share with you be unrestrained, may my sorrow with you know no bitterness, and may the streams of both our lovings be absorbed in the never-ending ocean of God’s grace.” ~ Rev. Dr. Noel Frederick McInnis

Earlier this week a colleague stopped in my office, coat on and keys in hand she said, “I’m heading out to run errands and thought I’d pick up your favorite Starbucks coffee. Would you write it down for me, cause’ I’ll never remember it.” Surprised, I asked what the occasion was. “Nothing really, just a little something I know I can do that will brighten your day. It’s my way of showing I appreciate all you do.” Wow. How cool is that? Of course I’m like, no, no you don’t have to, really it’s ok. In the end I just gave her my decaf-tall-one-and-a-half pump soy mocha order, a big hug and decided to just accept and experience the warm fuzzies.

“Because appreciation of others’ services is a value that so many persons fail to honor fully, a professor ended his midterm exam with the question, ‘What is the first name of the woman who cleans our classroom?’ When asked how this question was pertinent, he replied, ‘During your life you will meet many persons whose value deserves your caring attention, even if all you do is smile and say hello.'”

We are individual representations of Spirit made manifest on the Earth. Here we are provided the opportunity to be grateful for all that is presented before us each new day, the challenges, learning lessons, abundance, diverse personalities and most of all the opportunity to show appreciation for these diverse experiences and people walking along with us on our life paths. Reverend McInnis continues with:

“As any real estate agent or property assessor will tell you, the word appreciation means ‘increase of value.’ Thus when one receives another’s appreciation, one’s sense of self-evaluation is increased. And given life’s mirroring of our thoughts, our own sense of self-valuation also is correspondingly increased as we extend our appreciation others.” Feb. SOM p. 42

A daily practice modeled by my mother, I make the effort to recognize each person I may come in contact with over the course of a day, just stopping for a moment or two to inquire after a family member or activity I know they might participate in, sometimes to thank them for help they provided earlier in the week or that day. This practice doesn’t take all that long and connects us as Spirit one to another. Throughout the years my mother faithfully wrote in my birthday or Christmas cards, “To my joy and comfort, love you, Mom.” She was showing her appreciation.

Honestly, I didn’t get it. Where had I provided joy and comfort? I never asked and she never said. Only recently did I finally understand. After school every day I’d walk in and ask, “How was your day?” This was something I had learned from her. She often asked us kids about our days events, a neighbor about her children or inquired about a work colleague’s parent. She went out of her way to connect with others. Something special I remember growing up…at night before going to bed, she and I would sit and read together at the kitchen table over a cup of tea, sometimes taking time between chapters to share things on our mind. We were connected, appreciative of both each other and these quiet moments together. It brought both of us joy and comfort. Now I get it.

Who do you walk alongside with each day that you can offer joy and comfort with words of appreciation or recognition? How can you incorporate this as a mindful practice into day-to-day living? We are more than this…

“There is no such thing as a simple act of compassion or an inconsequential act of service. Everything we do for another person has infinite consequences.” ~ Caroline Myss

A member of the community I work for passed away last week. It’s a small community where each member has known the other for years and years… Close-knit and interwoven, there is a hole now where she once was. Ever faithful, loving and kind, she is missed by all.

Living consciously as both Spirit and physical being, I know with conviction that only her body is gone. She lives on, a being unique in character who now flows as one with Spirit, God, all-encompassing Love. My intuitive and clairaudient gifts kicked in the morning she died. I was hanging laundry and sensed she had passed. I wondered if I should call my colleagues. I didn’t, instead I left to run errands. Jumping out of the car at the store I felt her with me and an encompassing, exuberant joy, “Tell them I am pain-free and happy,” I heard inwardly. No way, I thought back to her. I’m emotionally involved in this. I’m not saying a word. With inner speak I said, “I’ll tell you what, if you really have something you’d like me to pass on, provide a dream, something someone will get and understand.”

That evening I saw a movie with a friend, cleaned up the kitchen and hit the pillows early. And yes, my request was provided. In the dream, I found myself hovering over the chapel where the wake and funeral were taking place for the woman who had died. In flowing energy form, I was with the woman who had died and a group of others who were accompanying us. There was no time so all seemed to be happening at once, the preparations, wake and funeral, a very odd concept when not in the dream or meditative state.

The wake was beautiful and wonderfully attended and the funeral very nicely done. Everything ran very smoothly. As we observed there were thoughts exchanged, speech was not necessary, “You see all is well,” I was told. Then, I was instructed to let someone in particular know that she needn’t be anxious to get the wake and funeral details done immediately, that she should complete the other things needing attention first and then get to the business of the wake and funeral. Because you see, “it was all going to be fine anyway so what was the use of worrying, why bother fretting over it?”

I lingered with the group for what seemed like a long time and was shown other events that would unfold over the next short period of time. And drat! Those are the pieces I wanted to remember and couldn’t. I brought back only the most vivid of images and knew I had to pass on the message. I sent a quick text to the intended party and went about getting the work day started. Once I arrived at the office and was settled in, I checked e-mail and sure enough, there was a notice letting us know she had passed away the morning of the previous day.

Like everyone else I am sad she’s no longer with us, but I know with every ounce of my being that she lives on. What stays with me most from the time in the dream state with these loving souls are the moments of great joy and the desire to reassure the living that “all is well and not to fret.” My spiritual experiences and life journey have brought me to this dual existence where physical and spiritual energy operate simultaneously. I feel blessed and fortunate to have been provided with such gifts. What dear reader would help you to know that we are more than this?”

“We are participants in a vast communion of being, and if we open ourselves to its guidance, we can learn anew how to live in this great and gracious community of truth.” ~ Parker Palmer

Peace has been elusive since well before fall exploded into full color, faded away and winter began. I know I live as a physical representation of God. I know that all who walk the Earth are my brothers and sisters, that we are connected as one in Spirit. I know that all is provided for me here as physical. Still I am restless and left with a want I can barely identify and desires that have no meaning in this physical world.

I voiced my feelings of unrest with close friends this week. Their response,”Stand still, clarity will come to you, whether it is to stay and the frustrations [are] momentary or [you receive] an answer to your next step and the path you should take.” Another said, “You need to have…the freedom to be you. You like to write, help people, dance, take care of your family. Do those but have a job that supports it… a meditation center, a place people could go before/after work or during lunches. You could step people through a process.”

She’s right. He’s right. I feel valuable skills, abilities and talents are put aside while I go about the business of supporting a family. Mother, friend and worker bee, I, just like any other person living on the Earth carry responsibilities through every nook and cranny of life. So what is the answer to this unquiet? I am fully awake wanting to share, to live with purpose.

In his book, “There’s a Spiritual Solution To Every Problem,” Wayne Dyer talks about moving to purpose:

“The true joy of living is in allowing the higher energies of spirit to guide your life. In this state of awareness, you never have to ask what your purpose is or how to find it. Instead you feel purposeful in everything you do, and you bring that kind of joy to all that you encounter. It will not matter whether you are weeding your garden, reading a novel…driving through traffic…or meditating in silence. You will be the bringer of joy because you are in harmony rather than in conflict with God…the irony is that you will find that the surest way to get to that state of inner joyful purpose is by giving it all away.” p. 247

The remedy for my unquiet is to recognize that within the day-to-day responsibilities of my being a mom, friend and worker bee, I AM purpose. Completely connected, living dual reality, I realize the higher energies Dyer writes of already paint the days with cooking, cleaning, having coffee with friends, creating an excel spreadsheet or walking through the woods. This is purpose. Being alive, living fully. Now…time to get moving on that mediation center! We are more than this…

Each year my employer provides an opportunity for personal development with workshops and team building exercises. Last year at the workshop we were asked to choose a stone out of a basket and write a personal goal across its face. My goal was,”Recognize the Faces of God.” The stone has a prominent place sitting just below my computer screen in plain sight to remind me that every person that walks into my office, past my door, across my path each day is a face of God, a member of our community of Living Spirit. Knowing this, how can I treat anyone with anything but kindness, compassion and love, because dear reader we are all connected.

Thich Nhat Hahn speaks of community in daily life where practicing mindfulness helps us “to emanate peace and freshness, the fruits of living in awareness.” In his book Peace in Every Step there is a lovely meditative practice that speaks of investing in people:

“We can get in touch with the refreshing, healing elements within and around us thanks to the loving support of other people. If we have a good community of friends, we are very fortunate. To create a good community, we first have to transform ourselves into a good element of the community. After that, we can go to another person and help him or her to become an element of the community.” p. 87

Collectively, we are a community of faces, diverse in every way, unique expressions of creative Spirit, in physical form, character and beliefs. How fortunate are we dear reader to know that beside us walking on the busy sidewalk, shopping in the crowded grocery store, or riding the crammed morning train, there are individual manifestations of Living Spirit? Still, lives busy with family, careers, homes and friends many of us go about business barely noticing each other or sharing anything about our lives.

Guy Finley states this very well in his book The Courage to Be Free, of noticing others, of how we must have the courage to act, treating each other with compassion:

“…No one wants others to know the weight of their unspoken pain. And yet, all are burdened with broken dreams, shattered hearts, and whatever other sorrow walks with them through the day. Now have the courage to act on this knowledge: Refuse to ever again add to the pain of another, even a small measure of your own. Whatever suffering you agree to shoulder in this way not only helps to lighten the load of those in need, but also serves to awaken within you the strength you need to be a real friend in deed. Your reward: the birth of a whole new kind of compassion that not only flowers when faced with the weakness of others, but whose fragrance helps heal all those who are touched by it.” p. 61

In other words, you become a flower in the life of others! How cool is that? I am very fortunate to be surrounded by kindred spirits in the workplace. Our Directress sent out a letter just this week celebrating World Peace Day. Here it is suggested we begin and continue to practice random acts of kindness. She has given me permission to share some of the content of this letter with you:

“Shortly after the Newtown slayings, Ann Curry, an NBC reporter tweeted that some people might consider doing 20 random acts of kindness to honor the children lost in this violence. The 20 became 26 to include the adults and I suggest the 26 become [the] 28 who were killed that awful day. The idea caught on and a movement was begun.

Might you and I join in this movement of 28 random acts of kindness to bless those killed and those left behind and affected by this tragedy. Might we be a “presence of peace” through simple random acts of kindness. We do acts of kindness a lot in the community; how much more powerful they are when done with intention. And just maybe we won’t stop with 28 random acts of kindness but will find we want to continue this spiritual, practical practice that brings some peace to our little world and in turn affects the whole world by our very presence. These random acts of kindness will be visible and hidden, small and large, but each will be great and empowering.” ~ D. P., January 2012

She goes on in her letter to remind us that being a presence of peace can come in many forms and so to let our creativity soar with Spirit as It inspires and moves us. Recognize the Faces of God as you walk through each of your days. Hold each other in strength and compassion and remember to practice random acts of kindness. As my colleague suggests, maybe it won’t stop there, maybe we’ll create a new, very powerful habit in our lives…remember, we are more than this.

Below are a few Blogspots and Websites links with ideas to get you on your way! Happy Random Days!

Rejoice and be glad! Living collectively with Spirit, even while a physical being means we experience the presence of Spirit ever-flowing through us. We are a method and means to act as a wellspring for bringing peace, love and joy to others in the world.

My own experience has proven this. As I allow the spiritual side to rise from the interior to exterior I have more confidence and ability to share my gifts. There is less fear as the needed tools appear. I am provided for in every way. As author Eugene Holden, RScP states,” It is important to understand that our needs are met so that we may be free to touch lives in our own special way.”

Holden continues with:

“The more we surrender to this life, the life of God, the more we are lifted to be the guiding light of the Divine. There will never be any reason to fear. This world that has emerged through and as us knows exactly where it is going, and it knows what we need. Now is the time to trust. Trust that you are the beloved of God. All that God has is yours. More could not be given than that which has been given from the foundations of the Universe.” ~ December 2012 SOM, p. 61

My September dreams had predicted challenges, a bit of a living tornado coming along clipping at my stability, however the dreams also predicted that despite the hit, there would be only a slight impact. And so it unfolded. I find myself in an unexpected place in life. A couple of my adult children have returned home needing assistance with health challenges, financial situations or relationship issues. I was cruising along with my youngest in tow looking toward the future where it was just me and a small condo.

Alas, it is not to be, at least not just yet. However my experience during this time has been that when the need appears for one of my darlings, abundance and choice is not far behind. The more I surrender, allowing the Divine to take the lead, the less fear I experience for my children and for myself. Repeatedly I am asked to trust that all will be well, even when what surrounds me threatens to throw me out of sync.

Acting as a wellspring for Spirit, trusting with conviction that we are the beloved of God is resulting in the manifestation of ways and means, and with great delight I find that all is as it should be. This is not myth or magic, it’s truth. Test it. Allow and trust Spirit to flow through you. Believe that we are more than this…