As a general rule, I find Hallmark-issued holidays annoying. Valentine’s Day is no exception because nothing says I Heart You quite like a pajamagram. You know what I’m talking about? You’ve probably seen the pajamagram television commercial begging you to overpay for an itchy pink nightgown that no woman in their right mind would want to wear (I guess that’s the point) and a tacky, hotel-like Do Not Disturb sign that you can hang on your bedroom door for your kids to ignore.

And it’s not just the pajamagrams and the overpriced roses that are annoying. It’s all the other Valentine stuff, too. It’s the sappy cards and the roadside roses and those dorky stuffed bears with the I love you tattoos on their furry little arms made somewhere by elves, presumably, in Maine or Vermont. It’s the poor guys racing around the stores with the crazed looks on their faces at the end of the day on February 14 when they realize they forgot The Big Day and then feel like they’ve got to plunk down money on Valentine crap that will only be sold at your next garage sale or collect dust in a drawer somewhere.

Truthfully, I feel sorry for all the guys out there who feel pressured this time of year. Just say no, guys. And watch your blood pressure drop a few hundred points. If she leaves you over a forgotten Valentine’s Day, maybe it’s time to set her free.

Special note to anyone feeling the Valentine’s Day pressure: If you must buy flowers, under no circumstances should you come home with a pot of grocery store mums. In any color. No matter how cheap they are. That’s because mums are worse than those cheap chocolates with the gooey cherry centers that taste like cough syrup. No woman under the age of 105 appreciates mums and those who do tend to favor living room furniture covered in plastic and fake fruit in display bowls. Swing for the pajamagram, if you must.

And ladies, if your honey happens to surprise you with something sparkly from Jared’s Jewelry (hopefully not that overplayed journey pendant), please don’t be tacky and call or text your BFFs back at your trendy loft apartment to gloat while you’re dining at an expensive restaurant. Definitely not cool—for everyone, even the customers seated around you who are forced to listen to your inane phone conversation as they polish off their crème brûlée.

So I hate to state the obvious but want to impress her (or him)? Do something special and spontaneous on a day when you’re not technically supposed to follow the Hallmark training manual. Like how about January 20? Or March 1? Or any other day but February 14? I promise you that your favorite restaurants will not be as crowded nor will the flowers be nearly as expensive.

For me, nothing quite says I Heart You like a man who knows how to cook and he’s free to do that in my home any day of the year. ♥