Ask LH: Why Is This Hot Woman Trying To Pick Me Up?

Dear Lifehacker, I'm picking up some attraction signals from a girl who I feel is way out of my league. She could easily get much better-looking guys, so why me? It sounds terrible to say, but I really don't want to be lead on. Any advice? Thanks, Romance Realist

Seriously though, it could be that you're selling yourself short. As the old adage goes: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" — perhaps this comely vixen sees something in you that you don't see in yourself? There's oodles of advice on our website that can help with boosting confidence and a sense of self-worth; it sounds like you could do with a bit of both!

Recent behavioral studies have also shown that the traditional "attractive" male traits (i.e. — strength and testosterone) are actually considered a turnoff by a large swathe of women in developed countries. So if you're a slight and sensitive pencil-pusher, perhaps that works in your favour.

On the other hand, she could just be toying with you like a mouse that she intends to devour and then discard. Either way, our advice is to stick around and see what happens next!

Have any other readers dated anyone out of their league? Share your tips and experiences with RR in the comments section below.

Comments

If she's attractive she might be used to using her sexuality to interact with people. I.e., she may not be consciously flirting with you, it could be that it is the way she normally interacts with men.

I've seen this myself; multiple guys at a place where I worked confessing to me that they thought Ms X was into them. From observations it looked like she was semi-flirting with a number of guys. I experienced it myself, but never act on these things straight away.

I was never sure if it was just that she had been rewarded all her life for acting like that with guys, and as such that had become her 'normal' mode of communication, or whether it was something more sinister and she was trying to butter people up to get her own way. All I know is that the women in the office absolutely hated her guts lol.

If you are able to, ask the opinion of a female colleague who might have some more insight; take their advice with a grain of salt, though.

Also, just treat her like you would anyone else; if she still flirts then maybe she likes you. If she gets annoyed or dismissive of you then it could be an indication that she's doing it for pragmatic purposes, and she finds her inability to have you under the thumb annoying.

Been there done that - unless you're both confident in yourself and not prone to bouts of irrational jealousy it should be all good.

In fact one nerdy, four eyed, skinny friend of mine scored himself an ex-model simply because he's a nice guy and she likes nice guys. They're happily married with 3 beautiful girls. So be sure in yourself and if she's genuine - enjoy.

I was once in a similar situation to yours. I assumed there was something fishy going on or that I was imagining things and she moved on.

I would recommend that you at least pretend to be confident, ask her out for drinks or something. The worst that can happen is you get rejected, which while embarrassing only lasts a few days. The regret of missed opportunities can last a lifetime.

I'm a strong believer in organic romance - this means allowing it to grow and blossom through mutual growth of liking one another. The whole 'game' of love is egoistical, pretentious and immature. Its one thing to have a fun flirt the odd night out with a group of friends if the mood and opportunity hits, but the concept of 'is he/she leading me on' through a series of said and unsaid gestures, looks and movements can be cruel and deceptive.

I'm very much a proponent for honest, straight forward, organic love. This means being friends and if you both end up liking one another, to let it move forward naturally.

I get that this can't be recreated in every scenario (some people work in very single gender heavy workplaces) - but allowing yourself room to be yourself and meet someone else being themselves equally is the best place to see love grow. This means having a few groups of friends you see weekly or so, having weekly hobbies that will allow you to meet more people of the opposite sex.

I think you don't have feelings for her, but want to take it further to 'see how it goes' - and if 'she's out of my league' is all you can think of - its best to not pursue it. Maybe try being friendly with her and seeing if you both click and if its mutual.

I completely agree. My partner and I knew each other for a few years before we started dating. We started talking through Facebook when he realised I really liked Pokemon and Zelda and it slowly grew from there. Now we've been dating for two and a half years and we're like best friends.. who get to do it :P I've never been in a long term relationship before because other men have tried to get into a relationship way too quickly withoutgetting to know me properly, and they all fell apart really quickly. Sure, they were all due to my own insecurities, but I didn't really know them so I didn't trust them so why would I allow myself to be vulnerable in front of them? Dating someone you feel completely comfortable with is the greatest thing ever and I highly recommend it for everyone... At least for those with self esteem issues :P

The fact that you speak so candidly about yourself, only goes to prove what a genuine person you are. It wouldn't surprise me at all that some little hottie would want to be with someone like you; especially if she's dated a few d!ck heads in the past.
Or she could just be some tart who likes to play with you...
Either way, I reckon it's worth sticking around to find out! Good luck!

Wondering why someone else likes you is a surefire way to ruin the possibility of a good relationship. If she makes you happy, does it matter why she likes you? Even if shit hits the fan, the only person who can strip the happiness from your memories of the good times you spent together is yourself.

Hmm sounds like someone watched "She's out of my league" on Sunday night on 11.

The more important question should be "is she in yours?" Never, and I mean never sell yourself short. Your already putting her on a pedestal, take her off it and treat her as your equal. Respect should be a two way street. You'll learn very quickly if this is the case once you've done that.

I also think there is an age point where priorities change, in my experience it happens around the 26-28 year mark in women and the 32-34 year mark in men, where hotness isn't the most important factor in finding and keeping a partner. You'll be surprised how far being interesting, educated, faithful and fun and a good earner will get you, regardless of looks.

To all those funny looking blokes in their early teens and 20s, just hang in there and invest in yourself. Things change as people mature.

In all seriousness though, if she's the one making the advances then your a fool to just sit and ignore it, might as well play along and see where it goes. And if she does happen to be a slutwhore, just walk away like nothing happened.

Don't sit and wonder why she's flirting with you. If you're getting signals, then throw caution to the wind and flirt back/ask her out. The worst that can happen is that she'll say no. If that happens, don't let it get you down and move on. And never assume someone is out of your league. You never know what someone else is looking for in a partner or what they find attractive. If they're flirting with you, then chances are they like what they see.

Well the way I see it is that you've got 2 negative resolutions and one positive. You get played, you miss out though inaction or you find someone good. Is getting the best outcome worth risking the worst? I'd try for the best in that situation

Obviously this gets complicated rather dramatically in cases of past traumatic experiences of being manipulated and/or depressive based mental illness but then I have both and I'd still try.

This almost seems silly.. And yet, something i'm sure most men AND women have felt at some point...

Personally I just try to remind myself by looking at some of the couples around me I see and how disparate their "beauty" levels are... In the end I think it makes no difference, and the only thing holding anyone back is thoughts like this.

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