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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Ever have one of those moments where you catch a quick glance of your inner child or the inner child in someone else? Those are the times I'd like to grab hold of and keep in my pocket. My inner child comes out when I'm playing in the ocean waves. Something about the way the water swirls around my ankles and tickles my toes just makes the little girl in me bubble to the surface. Sometimes I see the inner child in my daughter when she taste something yummy, or in my youngest son when something amuses him and catches him off guard. This weekend I caught a glimpse of my oldest son's inner child when I put my electrode massager on his neck and turned it on. He wrinkled that nose of his,scrunched up his shoulders and giggled like the boy he used to be. Just like that, in the blink of an eye, I envisioned him barefoot and rumpled playing with his sister and one step shy from getting into some kind of trouble. You just gotta love catching a glimpse of that once in a while.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Like Christmas, Easter is one of those holidays that is more fun with little ones around. I used to rush around like a mad woman when the kids were small.... Decorating Easter baskets with small surprises and candy that would hype the kids up for days. I took special care in laying out their new Easter clothes to be worn Sunday morning. I would quietly lay in bed with a huge grin on my face when I heard the pitter patter of little feet bounding down the stairs and then listen for the excited whispers as they explored their surprises. Oh how I miss those days. I may not be dying Easter eggs this weekend, but the thrill of Easter is still very real for me. When you live under the mercy and grace of a risen Savior, every day is cause for celebrating the Resurrection. If it wasn't for the cross and the Resurrection, life would be a hopeless void. Thankfully each new dawn brings a promise that we can be more than we are.... We can be redeemed!! Easter isn't just a annual holiday... It's a daily celebration of new beginnings!!!

John 10:9-11 (King James Version)

9I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture.10The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.11I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.

While headed to another department with a handful of papers, one slipped from my hand. I reached to grab it before it landed on the floor. The first attempt was a failure, but caused the paper to be swept higher in the air. I did an ever graceful (not) ballet as I tried to fetch the paper as it floated up and away from me. Finally I managed to trap it against my body to gain control. I quickly looked around me to make sure no one had witnessed the Lucile Ball moment. Assured that my dance had not been seen, I continued on. I thought to myself... Things have away of getting away from you. Hanging onto your senses, your self-esteem and your core values can sometimes be an awkward dance. It's easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of this world and easy to be distracted by things that have no eternal value. Keeping a focus on what really matters is the task at hand.... At least for me.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I know you probably get tired of my pet stories. What can I say?? Just a taste of what it will be like when (and if) I ever have grandchildren. Please just grin and bear with me. The latest addition to our family is Morph the Cat... All 5 lbs and 7 oz. of him. Due to the size, and sometimes the excitability of my dogs, introducing Morph the Cat to Riley (Bulldog) and Sailor (175lb Mastiff) has been a very slow process. My dogs aren't mean, well, Riley could probably have a mean streak if I allowed her to, but mainly she is just a wild child. They are just very large and when Sailor steps on your foot by mistake, the pain is quite... Painful. Morph has been getting used to his new environment. I have kept the dogs separated from him when they are in the house. The last few days I've been slowly introducing them, mainly while they are in their kennels. When Sailor first met Morph, she just wanted a little sniff but every little hair on Morphs 5 pound body stood straight up and he gave her a quick hiss and spit in her face. Sailor has

The Lion King

no concept of her weight or size and she believes that Morph could really rip her to shreds. Sailor has now decided, if the cat is running around the house, she will just stay in the safety of her kennel. She also seems to believe that if she doesn't look at Morph, he won't attack her. She is such a silly dog. Riley's first meeting with Morph happened when Morph wondered into the dining room where Riley's kennel is and startled her out of a sound sleep. She came awake in full Bulldog attack mode (but really that's more bluff than anything). This weekend I opened Riley's kennel doors and invited her out to meet Morph in a more civilized way. The first thing she wanted to do is lick, but she just couldn't bring herself to get close enough. She slowly took a couple of steps out of the kennel. Morph stared at her for a few seconds then shot her a stern warning, hiss, spit. Riley slowly put it in reverse, turned her back and went and laid on her pillow with her face to the wall. Whatever Morph said to the dogs in "cat speak" certainly got the message across to them that you don't mess with the cat. Morph is feeling pretty saucy with himself and has taken his place at the top of the food chain in the Patterson household.... At least for Now.

Monday, April 18, 2011

This morning I packed up ready to head to the office. My husband asked me if I had all of my electronics with me. I absolutely did. In my purse I packed my Blackberry for all of those important phone calls and pesky little text Ienjoy so much. I had my portable Sirius Stiletto which carried all of the music I had downloaded as well as giving me access to satellite radio. I was also packing my electrode message gadget that is like bringing my ownpersonal masseuse with me to work. As I headed out the door I told my husband that I was fully wired and ready to roll. What on earth would we do without our gadgets?

Saturday, April 16, 2011

This month is Revival month for Ray of Hope Church in Comanche, OK. Last weekend Jason Crabb

preached for A.M. service and sang for P.M. service. Let me say for the record that the boy has a set of lungs on him that won't stop! He can sing! He wasn't just raised under a pew, he was raised on stage and he can preach as well as he can sing. For the second week in a row we had someone preaching about..... Being Real! I seriously about fell off the pew when he was talking about how Christians put on fronts like we got it all together, when really we got stuff falling apart just like everybody else.... Churched or unchruched! That's pretty much been my mantra over the last year! Take down the facades and show people that we have stuff just like they have stuff and yes..... We struggle. I don't care who you are, I don't care if you go to church or if you've never darkened the doors, we all struggle with something, regardless of how perfect we might think we are. Some struggle with addictions, some with pornography, some with self-esteem issues and some with pure old self-righteousness. We all struggle with something... Because we are human. We smile for our friends, we go through the motions, we strive to overcome, but we struggle and often pretend that we don't! Why, why, why do we do that? Pride. Simple and hard to swallow.... At the core of our being we struggle with selfishness (the cause of sin) and pride (which God opposes) and then have the audacity to pretend to others that we don't. I suppose we want to look or sound more superior than we really are.... Sad but true. We pretend we don't want to be put on a pedestal and then we try to hoist ourselves up on one. The thing about pretending we don't struggle or haven't been delievered from anything, is when we do that others who are in the middle of their sturggle or in the pit of their addiction don't understand that delieverance is possible, redemption is possible. They look at all the pretty people in church, doing all the right things and think to themselves.... I'll never fit in, or I have to get over this by myself first or they will never accept me, or worse, Christ will never except me... I'm not perfect. That's

exactly like Christ rising from the grave but pretending he was never dead!!! What good does that do anyone? Not only did Christ rise from the dead, he had the scars to prove it. Christ used those scars to minister to others, that's what Christ did. Why do we want to pretend we are something more than what we really are? Christ found each and every Christian in the pit of their sin and he brought them out or is in the process of bringing them out. News flash!!! Forgiveness is instant, delieverance most often takes time, it is a process. I don't have to worry about feeling like an angel unless you're talking about the fallen kind. I'm flawed with much forgiven, which is the story of Christ!!!! I couldn't be happier to be in that position because there is nothing to live up to, he's already done it for me. All I have to do is let his mercy and his grace flood my heart until it penetrates the marrow of my bones. It doesn't matter that I was raised under a pew or followed the 29 prominent teachings of the church; all that matters is that I'm forgiven.... That's as good as it can get!

Friday, April 15, 2011

"False friends are like our shadow, keeping close to us while we walk in the sunshine, but leaving us the instant we cross into the shade."
Christian N. Bovee

A friend on facebook posted this quote the other day. It immediately jumped out at me because I wasn't just in the shade last year, I was completely in the dark. I can honestly say nothing will teach you about being judged, critiqued or deserted like walking in the dark places for a time. You can't really blame others when you take a sharp turn with your personality and actions, but it still stings and makes you realize that most friendship are of the conditional nature. My journey has made me take a step back and take a good look at my judgments toward others. If I can't love in the dark times as well as the light times, what good is my love? If I can't offer companionship during the times of difficulty, why offer it at all? I don't want to be a good times only friend, I want to be a through thick or thin friend. When the seas of life get rough and you lose your way, that's when you need the life vest of a true friend wrapped around you. It really is possible to love someone without agreeing with everything they do. It seems like the position of choice is to stand outside the shaded areas until they wonder back into the light instead of going into the darkness and being a light which points them back to the sun (or should I Son).The other day a good friend (who I take particular pride in harassing) said.... "Yep, the old Jac is back." He had know idea how much that meant to me; it literally brought tears to my eyes. I can't even explain the difficulty of the path back, nor the lessons learned while I was there. Walking in the shade isn't fun, but it is very enlightening. It certainly made me look at things (and people) much differently.

"Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness, to pull another hand into the light." Norman B. Rice

I'm an insomniac so I keep hypnosis sleep music on my Sirius Stiletto. Some of it's just music, some of it is guided relaxation. One of the guided relaxation recordings I've had for a long time. I call him my little Sandman. The minute I hear Sandman's voice my muscles turn to jelly and before he has me surrounded by fog I'm asleep. His voice gets more and more quiet as the recording progresses... I love Sandman! Anyway, the other day I downloaded a couple of other sleep aids to see how they

Starting to fade

worked. I have them set up so they play back to back giving me hours of sleep (usually). They are set up so Sandman is the last recording before it just goes to my country music. So last night I fell asleep during my Deep Sleep with Underwater Sounds. Doesn't that sound refreshing?! I guess it was a couple of hours later that I began to dream that I was talking on the phone to Harrison Ford!!! I've always been a BIG Harrison Ford fan... Until he started to age so ungracefully. I know that's shallow of me, but a man with his kind of fortune could afford to have those jowls worked on. Since he started dating that Calista woman (I'm really blaming her), he's looking more and more like my Bulldog, although not in a "so ugly you gotta love em" kinda way. Do I sound a little resentful??? I think I might be, he is allowing

His finer days

himself to age in a way that has totally tipped him off of the pedestal I put him on. So, on with the story! I'm talking to Harrison Ford, and in spite of his jowls, my muscles are turning to jelly and I'm pretty dang excited about it. Until... In my dream I begin to recognize that his voice is changing and he is starting to sound just like my Sandman!!! Dang It! The minute I realize he is not Harrison but my Sandman, I wake up!!! I was so disappointed because I wasn't talking to Harrison Ford after all and because now I'm awake and not really happy... It was like a double wammy! I come so close, yet so far away. Stupid Sandman.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

This weekend my husband and I were working out in the yard. Well, actually I was sitting on the porch putting my shoes on when he motioned for me to look up. A squirrel was positioned half way down a tree out front, watching us with interest. I chuckled and continued tying my shoes. I looked up and saw that he was headed up the sidewalk right at me. With a determined look on his face he jumped and landed on the landing to my side (inches from me!) and scurried up the side of the house. He scared me to death! For a split second it looked (and felt) like he was going to take me smooth down and from the laughter coming from my husband, he thought so too. Later that night the dogs were in a complete uproar about something. First of all, although they may think they are big bad dogs, they are really terrified of the dark. Even though we live in the middle of town, we have a lot of cridders that come out at night. When I called the dogs in, my mastiff came immediately. She tucked her tail when she came in as if to say... "It wasn't me that started it." She had no desire to be out there with the cridders. My bulldog on the other hand, had something cornered under the cedar trees and would not back down. Finally I grabbed my shoes and flashlight to see if I could find out what all the commotion was. We have a... well we call it a moat, but it's really an old rock drainage culvert that runs beside our

house (moat sounds more intriguing). The cridders use the moat as a pathway to the creek that runs down the highway. It's really a pretty cool place, and kids have been playing in for years. The big cedar trees that line our back yard form a canopy over it making it a mysterious place to play. I fumbled my way through the trees to the edge of the moat and what to my wondering eyes did appear??? I huge skunk! Had it been on the same level as us, we would have been toe to toe.

I quickly stepped back and pleaded for Riley to come with me. No such luck. You've heard of a dog with a bone, try a bulldog with a skunk. I ran in the house, grabbed the leash and my husband (who really sees no urgency in anything). I personally did not want to walk up to the fence to get the leash on her, so we pleaded some more. Finally she ran over to us long enough for me to lasso her with the leash. When we got in the house she collapsed in a heap under the table. I told her, although I'm not sure she understood, that she may have feel like a big bad bulldog with a fence between her and the skunk, but had the skunk not been certain she couldn't get to him, she wouldn't have thought she was so tough. I've been guilty of thinking I'm more of a force to be reckoned with than I am. I tend to tuck my tail under when life throws me something that goes bump in the night...or when, let's say a rabid squirrel tries to take me down. I try to put up a good front like Riley did with the skunk but most of the time I'm just a big scardey cat at heart.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

We enjoyed a beautiful, although hot weekend. My son and his two best friends opened a seasonal flower shop (The Plant Stand). We went to see how things were going and of course to pick up some flowers for the front flower bed. They were busy little bees buzzing around taking care of customers and their plants. It was quite heartwarming to see them doing what they've always said they wanted to do.... Have a business together. My son gestured to his shorts, tee shirt, and flip flops and said... "This is my working attire." with a big grin. Indeed, the boy has never had a desire to hold a job that required him to wear shoes. I'll admit that I'm as green thumbless as a person can be. There is a large brick planter I acquired when I began working where I now work. When I started there was a huge tree (of sorts), and some fern things planted in it. They weren't thriving, but they were alive (were being the key word there). After everything was dead and gone I could work guilt free because I had nothing struggling to survive in my area... Until.... The other day a co-worker noted.... "Oh, you planted plants!" Hmm, no I really

No shoes, no problem

didn't, but heaven help the person who did. Why would someone do that do me? The culprit was found and will be severely punished by being the one responsible for the, well whatever is required to keep them alive. That being said, I had to buy plants from my son. A few years ago for Mother's Day he brought me a trunk full of flowers and built a flower bed. The fact that I diligently watered, fed, and maintained the flowers through the season, speaks volumes about the power of a Mother's love. I'm hoping the fact that I bought the plants from him will give me the same determination to keep these alive as well. I did find that shopping for plants for a sunny flower bed is much more enjoyable than the actual planting of said plants in the Oklahoma hot weather. I guess it's like a lot of things in life... The thinking of doing it is more fun than the actual work of doing it. But love conquers all things and I'm hoping that includes my greenless thumb condition.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Okay, so don't laugh out loud to my face but I love big Snookie hair. I'll admit, she may take it to the extreme, but there is just something about a big ole bump that I like. My hair dresser has to keep me tamed down or I would go wild! A friend told me about the most amazing product that puts the pow in your bump that will make it jump right on up there. It's called Powder Play. It's a white powder that comes in a little red plastic bottle. The powder reminds me of cornstarch. You just sprinkle the powder in your hair and it gives your hair wings:-) For real! Last week I was re-fixing my hair at lunch, because

sometimes I do that. I was going to sprinkle a little pow in it. The bad thing about the bottle is you can't tell when you are almost out, so I took the sprinkle cap off to see how much I had left. I put the sprinkle cap back on... Well I thought I did. When I went to sprinkle my powder I heard a big thump as the cap and all of the contents of the bottle sat piled on my head like I giant snow capped mountain. There was powder all over my floor, all over my dresser and all over me. My cat (who looks like he has had a heavy dose of powder sprinkled on him) just looked at me trying to figure out what the heck I was

doing. Needless to say, my hair had plenty of POW that afternoon. When I patted my bump, a puff of white powder shot up in the air and it looked like my head was smokin (I'm seriously not even kidding or exaggerating). A side benefit was every time I shook my head, little white flakes fell on my desk so it was like living in my very own snow globe.... And everyone knows how much I like snow!!!

Friday, April 8, 2011

Before leaving for California the other day I went to the City and stayed with my son and his friends. I offered to take them out for processed food, since that's what I like to eat. They decided it would be lots of fun to take Mom to eat Sushi. They took me to a really, I would call it cute but maybe it's more trendy part of the City. We had to park a couple of blocks away in front of a business, but it was a beautiful night so the walk was good. When they seated us they brought warm wash cloths to our table. The boys snapped them up and scrubbed their faces while I just stared at them.... "What are you doing?!" my son says... "Here Mom, it's refreshing!" His friend adds... "Oh man! This is the best part." They were like two little boys in a marble store. I literally put my dinner in their hands since I had no idea what to order and

Best of Friends!

because it was so dark in there I couldn't have read the menu if I had wanted to. They debated, considered and then finally ordered. While we waited for our dinner they both tried to teach me to use chopsticks and when the waiter saw they weren't having much luck, came over to assist. Finally seeing that I was chopstick challenged, he put a chopstick training clamp on my chopsticks. I know, pathetic! So the Sushi arrives and I'm committed to being a good sport and keeping an open mind. Come to find out I would need more than an open mind, I would need a very open mouth as they instructed me that I had to put the whole piece in my mouth at once. I may be accused of having a big mouth sometimes, but geeze!!! That's a big chuck of Sushi to cram in, but I manage to get it in as they (seriously) chant for me to get it down. Apparently I did more chewing than necessary as they told me just to swallow. Got it down, kept it down, yay! Next piece was a little different. It had a wang to it, but they said it wasn't a wang it was a twang, but I'm still pretty sure it was a wang. This one, I didn't do so good at, it was weird tasting, and chewing wasn't helping, my throat kinda closed up and didn't want to let it go down, but I finally got it there. Third piece was again different and let's just say it had a life all it's own and I came very close to doing the entire spaghetti scene from Aliens right there in the trendy

little restaurant. I've decided I'm not a Sushi fan. They say it has to grow on you, but I equate something that has to grow on you like a fungus or something and I have no desire to acquire a taste for Sushi. To make matters worse, or at least for a few split seconds seem worse... When we walked out of the restaurant there were three tow trucks backed up down the street hauling cars that were parked in front of businesses off. The sight of that had the Sushi crawling right back up my throat! My suitcase was in the car, and there was a little niggle of panic

when I saw what was going on. My son ran down the street and whew! It was a different business that was having the cars towed. He said, "Don't worry Mom, if it had been us we would have found out where they took your car, we would have climbed the fence and got your luggage and then I would have gone this weekend and picked your car up while you were gone to California. When you got back everything would be as right as rain." His friend echoed "Right as rain." from the back seat. They are funny boys. We drove by Braum's on the way home so

I could wash my Sushi down with ice cream. Still, I could swear that Sushi was alive and not doing so well when I went to bed that night, but just as my son predicted, everything was as right as rain. Still, I'm not doing Sushi ever again!

My quest for a Persian Cat paid off. I brought one back from San Diego when I visited. We have dubbed the cat "Morph the Cat". Well I say we have dubbed him, the dubbing has yet to be done, but as with all our pets he will be dubbed by my husband in an official dubbing ceremony. I'll have to say that for someone who initially just wanted an ally cat with short hair, he sure has gotten attached to our smushy faced little Morph. Morph think he hung the moon. weird! I wouldn't call my husband a pet person, but he does tolerate my pets very nicely but there is a veiled undercurrent there due to their size. We had a dog for years and years that was totally his and he didn't hesitate to tell you. He really loved Missy and I think he misses having her around. She was a stray and smart as a whip and she adored him from day one. Morph appears to feel the same way. He plays with the all the time (loves the laser light), talks baby talk to him and spoils him with treats. So now I have two dogs, one the size of a miniature horse and one the size of a full grown hog and my husband has a smushy faced Persian who he seems really happy with. The Patterson house is a happy, happy place.

Did I loosen my grip, did I cause the slip... That ended in ruins beneath?

The shadow of night surrounded me tight

Not allowing my eyes to see. The hand that I held, the one I thought failed, was grasping another safe ledge. My fingers grew tired, weary and sore from closing them tightly round theirs. As my grasp gave way a voice I heard say, "Your strength was never enough."

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About Me

Life is a roller coaster of emotions..... At least for this girl. If I feel it, more than likely you'll know it. I LOVE surprises and detest disappointment. Since life is filled with both, I've learned to roll with it. I suffered a mild traumatic brain injury in 2010. The journey back to being me has been a long lonely journey. Life keeps changing and I keep changing with it.