The Week We Raised High the Roof Beams

This week, everyone made a lot of jokes about "goddamn phonies" and all that kind of stuff. Also: some journalists got in a bit of trouble with the law, and a guy gave us a giant phone, for elderly people.

You know what? Don Lemon is a stylish guy and we are not afraid to say it. He is certainly classier than Ross Douthat, who was "that guy" at Harvard. And, obviously, classier than Dennis Hopper, who is being "that guy" on his death bed.

In non-death-bed-related break-up news, Chelsea Handler broke up with her boss. John Edwards finally split from his wife, too, as the news grew worse and worse for him. Like: he has a sex tape. And he hated rednecks. Former aides reminisced.

Barack Obama kissed Diane Sawyer. Then he had this speech thing. We thought he would pander, but in the end we decided it was awesome. (Not awesome enough to save America, though. For that, we need a map.)

Arianna Huffington's favorite charitable cause is her wacky website, which tried to eat Twitter in the middle of the night. And then Gerad Butler tried to eat a human female lady in public for some cameras. And then everyone did some foodie yoga.

The Hasids and the Hipsters had a meeting and nothing was solved. Someone or other is maybe this person who writes letters to editors of newspapers, but it might not be the person who says it isn't them! Also there is a woman out there who is not Donatella Versace.

We examined wonderful celebrity mom advice and looked into allegations of sexy escapades at the New York Post. We also decided who should return to the mystical Jersey Shore. And a Fox reporter Tweeted a link to a whorehouse. It looked more fun than Sundance.

Some wacky kids got in a heap o' trouble for breaking into a Senator's office to tamper with her phones. We jumped to (perfectly reasonable) conclusions. It was just the latest embarrassment for poor Andrew Breitbart.