8.15.2009

I haven’t pondered good old Mesa High for a long {long} long time, so it was kind of hilarious to reminisce. I felt shockingly ancient when I had a hard time recalling peeps names. {I am officially old.}

Ya know how people talk about high school being their “glory days?”

Oh how I *SO* beg to differ.

Honest to gosh truth: High school was a relatively happy time for me. I had a super-hysterical small group of friends who I will always be grateful for…who have made me who I am today. We made some awesome cherish-able memories together.

But let me tell ya: I wouldn’t go back, dude.

{Not for a gazzillion dollars.}

Ya know, *unless* it was only for four-point-five minutes, to quickly hijack my size 2 body & wardrobe & return right back to my comfortably-happy 2009.

***

When I look at the me of yesteryear I see a girl who was a high-caliber of awkward-ness, but stinking happy regardless. She painted her nails everyday to match her eclectic DAV-thrifted outfit. She loved indy rock, shopping the sale rack, creative writing & projects, being very unique/weird, and stressing about fill-in-the-blank until she had an ulcer-ridden-stomach. {Some things never change!} She had very little superficial-confidence, but inside she believed she was special. She had high hopes and aspirations for her life & wouldn’t settle for anything less than a happy ending. She knew her opinions & where she was headed.

But what she didn’t know was:

that perhaps at the same time this photo was being taken, a redheaded 20 year old stranger, was knocking on doors in Tennessee, preparing himself to be a husband & father to her future family.

What she didn’t know was:

that she would one day love this man so much, she'd be a dog-owner for him.

What she didn’t know was:

that two little angels named Chloe & Olivia were smiling down from the heavens with an insane amount of love to give & lessons to teach her.

What she didn’t know was:

that she didn’t know much at all.

She didn’t know the {blessings} that were in store.

She didn’t know the hard stuff either.

***

But everyday she carries on, learns, doesn’t look back, and counts her lucky stars for all that’s gone down.

the fabric remains on the shelf.the blogs have yet to be written.the photos are still disorganized & the bed isn’t made.the etsy shop hasn’t opened.the friends still need to be called back.

i spent my weekend feeling frustrated by the fact that life has TOO much to offer.

GOOD things.

while i know that there is nothing in the world i’d rather be doing than raising my two beauties - sometimes i still feel over-stimulated by the outside world & feel pulled in five thousand different unnecessary directions.

i feel foolish when i’m constantly scraping by on deadlines.

i sometimes compare my abilities to others & question how so-and-so can always look like a million bucks, or how she always manages to be “perfect.”

how do they do it all???

***

monday i had the unique and spontaneous-ish opportunity of assisting a fellow relief society sister with some simple errands. while we were visiting, she said something that has stayed with me & i’ll probably always carry in my heart.

“did ya know angie, the Lord says, we should just go at our own pace.”

the truth is, those words were exactly what i needed to be reminded of at that very second…like, tender mercy style.

i recalled the scripture she spoke of:“...for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize...”-mosiah 4:27

i immediately felt an insane amount of love for this lady that i barely even knew! i felt the spirit sweetly testify of the Lord’s love for her, me, & all his children.

he loves us all the same.we are all so, so different.we can’t all do the same things.we all have different stories and capacities.different circumstances. different tests.different talents.different challenges.different missions.

heavenly father doesn’t love us for [what] we accomplish, he just loves us.

after our morning together i went home and underlined that passage [in pink] and vowed to myself & my God to {try} ever harder to be diligent & obey that counsel.