Over the course of many years of psychiatric care, I have been asked a number of questions for which I had no good answer. This is the best way I can think of to answer, “…and what’s that like?”…

Here’s an example “stock” answer I filed away for those times when I knew they were going to ask: Sometimes my thoughts are like raindrops. Bold and surprising when they hit me, but I am aware of more.

I have come up with, what I think is, a way that maybe I can show you. This will require some participation on your part, but all you need is a deck of simple playing cards.

Look at the cards. Say each name. Take in what it looks like. This is me when I have a good handle on my thoughts. I enjoy the little nuances, the texture of the card, the way it shines in the light. Sometimes this thought-mode weirds me out, because I become acutely aware of whatever I’m doing… like typing… (lol)

Now, take the deck in your hands and begin moving the cards, one at a time, from one hand to the other. I use my thumb to push them over, like I’m sorting through a hand of cards, but don’t spread them out. You only need to move them about a half the width of the card. (Yes, I like specific instructions.)

As you’re doing this, pick a card to watch for. Generally, you can sort through pretty quickly and still find the one you’re looking for. This is how a thought process should work. (I imagine.)

My true normal is with the following added challenge: Focus on the center of the cards as you’re doing it, and try to focus on a spot in the middle distance, that area that is somewhere about 6 inches from the cards. It’s doable, but it can be a challenge. Decisions take a bit longer as I try to sort through things.

More on decisions later.

“Racing thoughts” is when you take the cards and just flip through them really fast. Like trying to spot a card as someone shuffles them. Remember the instructions before about picking a card? Try to stop on that one.

If possible, try to have someone else flip and stop when you tell them. See if you land on the card that way.