Food trends we can't get on board with

November 6th 2017

Feature by Grace Baxter

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Food fads sweep in and out of our lives on an almost daily basis. One minute you’re utterly obsessed - spending hours Googling restaurants that are selling the "it" food and wracking your brains for ways to incorporate it into every meal. The next, it's been scratched from every trendy menu in town and this ingredient that you were convinced would make you smarter, more attractive, and even make your ex-boyfriend want you back is forgotten. It is now blended into obscurity alongside all the other foodie fads you’ve bought into over the years.

At Twisted we’ll try pretty much anything. Furthermore, there have been a number of trends that have stuck. Like Salted Caramel or Pulled Pork. (What the hell were we doing to pork before we started pulling it?) But there comes a point when even the mavericks are forced to turn away. So here are the food trends that we just can’t get on board with.

Charcoal lattes

Earlier in 2017, these lattes rocketed to fame all thanks to our friend Instagram. While charcoal converts would try to boast (unproven) anti-inflammatory health benefits, it’s pretty obvious that the trendy monochrome colours making these lattes "totally grammable" was behind their short-lived fame. Everyone who’s anyone was stocking this yummy-mummy-approved alternative. But why? Never once have I drunk a conventional, carbon-free latte and thought "do you know what would improve this? Charcoal." It's unsurprising that the list of stockists is slowly but surely depleting.

Jello-Salads

Some fads are stupid, while others are just utterly disgusting. Jell-O Salad falls into the latter. Luckily, this mash-up of greens and brightly coloured gelatin died out long ago. Even a hint to its revival makes our stomachs turn. The marketing ploy first pitched in the early 50s alludes to the modern day ready meal. Without the sophistication of today's preservatives, jello was used as a way to preserve greens and would be served as part of a balanced family meal. Nope.

Cheese Tea

The words "cheese" and "tea" are rarely found next to each other in the English language and with good reason. I can’t even begin to fathom how the fusion of these two things works. But I can assure you, I will not be making the trip to China or even New York where Cheese Tea establishments are beginning to crop up. From behind the safety of my computer screen, which is as close as I am willing to get to this concoction, it would appear that traditional tea is now being massacred by the addition of a thick, ricotta-like substance. Let’s hope this is just a phase - like being a goth, but far more toxic.

Wheat-grass juice

The obsession with drinking liquidised grass came into fashion alongside a number of other questionable juicing fads in the early 2000s. For a period of time, you could purchase a capsule of this luminescent liquid in every fancy sandwich shop. The minuscule portion size of this "life-giving" gimmick was indication enough that we should leave the grass chomping to the cows and pursue tastier healthy endeavours. So we did.

Cockroach milk

So you love Almond, you’re not afraid of a splash of Soya and you’ve dabbled in Oat but strangely, Cockroach Milk has never really taken your fancy. Us neither. This liquid collected from the gut of easily the grossest insects going actually contains four times the nutrients of regular cow’s milk. How far will hipsters go in the pursuit of health?

Red algae

Dubbed as "bacon flavoured seaweed" (dream on health nuts) this particular algae is beginning to be found in vegan restaurants up and down the country. Added to a salad here and a stir-fry there, the taste is pretty non-offensive. But its questionable texture has us unconvinced. It's probably best left to our fishy friends.

Vegetable yogurts

Since when did all fruit and vegetables become interchangeable? Fruity yogurt, fine. But vegetables? That's just unnecessary. Grocery stores in the US are beginning to feature these "healthier" alternatives. Fingers crossed they don't make their way across the pond.

Savoury ice cream

It would seem that there is a trend emerging for making dairy items savoury. What's next? Bacon milk? Savoury ice creams are mostly reserved for the experimental menus. When they start to infiltrate our favourite local eateries that's when there will be problems.

Food foams

This trend first emerged in the late 2000s after Ferran Adrià, the head chef at acclaimed controversial restaurant El Bulli, created foams as a method to add extra flavour to a dish without altering its structure. But like most fads, flavoured foams were outed as far too fiddly and were quietly axed.

Bug Cocktails

Entomophagy (ingesting insects) isn't a new craze in other cultures. People in Latin America have been incorporating bugs into their diets for years. A worm at the bottom of your bottle of tequila is one thing, an entire cocktail centred on creepy crawlies is just gross.

Dipping pizza in milk

This is the sort of stuff that makes us want to shut our laptops and never go on the internet again. Lucky, this online trend hasn't made its way into any pizza menus (that we're aware of) but just knowing it exists makes my skin crawl. Seeing as you've ruined pizza, why don't you go and tell a small child that Santa isn't real? That's the kind of monsters these people are.

Pickled watermelon

This novelty snack is starting to pop up in hipster spots across the US served alongside a beer from a local microbrewery. People will pickle anything these days and we're all for experimentation. Watermelon though? Seriously? Why?

Armpit Sushi

Yes, you read that correctly. Armpit sushi is a thing. Originating in Japan, the creator of this stinking sensation rubs sesame seeds under her armpits before using them to coat sushi rolls. We're as confused as you are and somehow we don't see this trend lasting all that long.

Just when you think you've seen it all, something entirely gross slithers out of the woodwork. Most of these foul creations will (luckily) never be seen again. But as the worlds of science and food continue to collaborate, these trends have us wondering: just what will the next fad be?