Excuses I Can Make Because I’m Old…

Today is officially “Be Nasty” Day. And since I have neverhad much difficulty being nasty (Blame it on being raised in a sarcastic family.), I am particularly fond of the fact that I now have the “luxury” of being old and getting away with saying things I couldn’t say as a “youngster.” I hesitate to share these, for fear my family and friends will now be “on to me.” But I can’t resist such a golden opportunity…I mean, they “double-dared” me, since it’s actually a day:

1. I don’t remember telling you your nose hairs are too long, but I can see that that’s a very sensitive issue for you.

2. There was fine print? Sorry, my reading glasses are on vacation. They have more fun than I do. They are the only thing I own that can afford fun.

3. You want to do a body cavity search? Good luck in there. You may need a flashlight….and a map. No, there’s no “Nav” system for this “neck of the woods.”

4. They STILL pay people to do this???

5. Unless it has carbon paper, I usually don’t have a copy. What do you mean you don’t know what carbon paper is? You haven’t lived until your fingertips and your entire desktop are purply-blue.

10. Co-pay? Oh, I’m sorry. All my money goes to the government. I guess they didn’t send you the memo that they’re paying my co-pays now. And yes, the government says you have to submit it in quadruplicate and then wait a millennium for reimbursement. Don’t blame me. I just work for a living.