9/6/09

WHY do I always learn things the HARD WAY???

Today is the day - THE day. I am 50 years old. What have I learned?

I have learned that you are never too old to learn a lesson. I’ve had lots of embarrassing moments over the years, and I actually like to call them “great learning opportunities." They are often the most important lessons of all.

Remember these?

1. When I first started teaching fifth grade, I showed a whale video to the whole class, and in the middle of it this HUGE penis was flashed on the screen – FREEZE FRAMED, as the narrator described the huge penis (16 feet in diameter) of a gray whale. I only knocked over two kids and one garbage can as I FLEW over to the VCR to shut it off. The School District Superintendent brought that story up when I ran into him at my school several weeks later. He still laughs about it to this day.

2. When I lived in California I was invited to a lovely Christmas Dinner at the incredible home of a rich, well-to-do family who had befriended us. I decided to bring my Grandmother’s famous Christmas Bean Soup (a tradition of my mother’s large Slovak family…). I forgot how GASSY everyone would get after eating it. Needless to say, I have NEVER served that at a party since. NEVER!!!!!

3. Two summers ago I had a jewelry party at my house (against my better judgment) for a friend of mine. When the consultant was preparing her grand displays, my son proudly said to her, “My mother said that if she weren’t HOSTING this party, she would NEVER EVER be going to it.” It appears he has inherited the foot-in-mouth gene from my side of the family.

4. Another day when I was teaching fifth grade, I wore pajamas to school. I thought they were classy day-wear from V. Secret, but the girls kept saying, "Mrs. Smith, are you wearing pajamas?” When I got home I called my sister, who sent them to me, and she said, “Hell yes, they ARE pajamas.” So there. Dang it.

5. I sat through three parent conferences several years ago with my zipper down. Finally, one mom had the courage to let me know.

Last night I received an innocent email from a friend of mine. I opened it, and pushed something I shouldn’t have pushed and it gobbled up my email contact list like a hot fudge sundae and spammed them all.

In my contact list were members of my huge extended family, wonderful blogging friends and colleagues from work. Oh, and did I mentioned that very important agent from NEW YORK CITY that I have been stalking for nine months now? Yeah. He’s in the list. And, as of last night, he SURELY received at least a dozen spam emails from yours truly.

That will SURELY impress him, don’t you think?

However, let me put this latest faux pas into perspective. Did I lose a precious family member? Did I lose a dear friend or colleague? Was my life altered in a horrible tragic way? Did my husband lose his job again? No, no, no and no.

Today I am celebrating my birthday. And even though my life is filled with bumps and twists and sometimes-embarrassing turns- I am very proud of the woman I have become.

Happy Birthday , hope you've learned all the lessons ( they are fun...later, aren't they? ) and school the rest of us ahem...cough cough 40 year olds. LOL Hope you have a great birthday and I knew it was spam, I only got 3 but figured everyone would let you know...and that agent ??? Tell him he can get an open call to the King's Taxi when he REALLY needs one and I'm sure he'll forget about it...that and a little vodka of course. ;-) Enjoy your day, thanks for keeping us smiling, and most of all keep on being you, that's why we keep coming back.Congrats VM, I bow to you and send you 50 + 1 for good luck honks from Times Square NYC !! YAHOOO !!

Great birthday post, thank you. And just so you know, my 50's haven't been any less challenging or boring or lacking of embarrassing moments than my 40's! I think age has to do more with the individual in that some of our lives are just more enriched my the stories we can tell, the experiences we have shared. All that crazy stuff makes us who we are! As you know, each of our days hold stories that are just waiting to be told!! Happy Birthday and bottoms up to you!

happy birthday!!!!!! you are just getting started! My english teacher showed a movie once that was very releaving...lol...i remember her just putting her head down while we giggled....have a wonderful day!

Happy Birthday Vodka Mom! It's my first visit to your blog today, although I have heard of it often enough. I read the hilarious post by you can the Captain over at Braja's blog and had to say Hi and wish you a happy 50th. I'm 50 too. It's not fatal at all.

I only got 3 spam e-msils from you. And I knew exactly what they were and just deleted them. I used to get stuck like that at work all the time - who ARE the people who waste time creating those????

And I like your perspective on what's really important in life. I try to maintain the same one. Once when were were at the Smithsonian (can't remember the exact museum) I realized that I had lost one of my new favorite (and expensive) earrings. I was sad - but ultimately said, "well, it's not like I lost a child there!" Then I made the remaining earring into a necklace.

Happy Birthday, VodkaMom! I hope it's a wonderful celebration for you. (I only received 3 spam emails from "you", & they didn't even zap my computer when I opened them--I was so excited to be getting email from "VodkaMom") Thank you for keeping me laughing!

Happy, happy, happy birthday. On as a comment on the next post-those darn kids will surprise you when you least expect it, won't they? Glad you had an awesome time, and high five Bitchy and Sassy from all your blogging friends.

Did the "my famous Chili" when all the males in my family came from all states to help us move into our new house.....in the wintertime. When they were all getting the last load into the truck at the rental, my husband told me you surely could not have lit a match the rental house would have went up in flames.

Happy Birthday, Gal! I shall drink one for you today and one for you again on Saturday when I turn 39....for real ;oD

Don't forget to tip the waitress. I really DO live on tips....

Cause I know you want to buy stuff...

About Me

I am a teacher, a writer, and the mother of three children. I've decided I'll never give up. No matter how many battles I lose; no matter how many tears I shed; no matter how many martinis I have to drink, I will continue to fight the good fight! I love to laugh, believe that every day is a new day, and thank God each morning that I am still here.