But honestly, I'm not sure what the problem is. It could be worse. I could have decided to be the Marilyn Manson of Turkey. (He has flipped me out ever since I saw him in concert, opening up for someone I actually WANTED to see. I will not tell you what he did on stage, but he was dressed in a black speedo. Ugh. Even that is too much; I'm starting to have flashbacks. Moving on.) I could have decided to be a lot of things that aren't the Marilyn Manson of Turkey.

Like, you could be the Richard Simmons of Turkey.

Well, yes, if I could find the right shorts, but--

You should be the Batman of Turkey. My wardrobe is better.

Well, now that you're nipple-less again, I have to admit that it's pretty flattering, but--

Are you kidding?!? I don't see a single sparkle in sight. And sparkles are good for you. They made Edward live forever, right?

I cannot deny the power of the sparkle.

Your sparkles are wussy.

Oooh. Them's fighting words.

That's it, Batman. Put up your dukes.

Uh... guys? There's no need to fight.

If you two don't shut up, I'm going to shoot you.

Sheesh. Okay, I guess the only thing left to do is take bets. In a fight between Richard Simmons, Batman, and Princess Leia, who are you putting your pretend money on?

And have you entered the Rename Twilight contest yet? It closes on Thursday at noon, and the competition is wide open. There are so many hilarious entries; why don't you put one in too?

When I was a freshman in high school, our gym teacher tried to make us do a R. Simmons workout... unfortutely it failed, because we were all laughing to hard to actually do the workout. We were freshman... it didn't take much. Although, I would totally laugh now too...

Are you Turkish? Because I met someone Turkish recently, oh wait, you already knew that. :)

I'm really torn on this debate, so I've decided to settle it not by focusing on their respective skills, but on their hair. Batman doesn't have hair per se, but he does have those pointy ears and since they're made of that specialized, shape-holding, polymer thingy they are probably pretty strong. So he's definitely a force to be reckoned with.

Richard Simmons has the whole poofy, sparkle thing going on with his gigantic mop, and there's no denying the amplifying power of sweating to the oldies (sweat has definite sparkle enhancing attributes).

Then there's Carrie Fisher. The name alone increases her chances of winning my vote, and the hair... do I really even need to expound up the Leia ear buns? Her head couldn't be more shielded if it were encased in granite (thought it might weigh a bit less).

So there you have three good arguments for choosing each celebrity, three outstanding specimens of head adornment, and yet, somehow the choice is easy. If put in a ring together and forced to face off, the only truly sure thing we can know is that Marylin Manson would swoop in with his Speedo and render them all incapacitated. Yes, if I had to have someone on my side to assure victory Marilyn Manson would be my choice. And that's my final answer.

I want to vote for the two others and secretly I think that Leia and Batman could have a little something something together... BUT Richard Simmons is just so freakishly unpredictable. In a fight, unpredictableness is a valuable tool. Wait. I just made up a word. I meant unpredictability. Valuable tool. True crazies often triumph.

About Me

I like writing books, playing games, fighting evil, and cooking (everyone's got to have hobbies). My YA zombie comedy, BAD TASTE IN BOYS, is available from Delacorte Press right now! The next Kate Grable adventure, BAD HAIR DAY, will be available November 2012. Which is la awesome.