The last time I updated this blog was this month, last year. Pretty pathetic, seeing as though my goal for this blog was to chronicle my journey as a mother. So, let’s see what has been going on? I’m have a TWO year old!!! I still can’t believe it sometimes, I remember when this kid was born and wishing she were older, walking and talking, and now that she is….can we go back?! LOL My kid is a handful!!! WHEW!!! She’s amazing though. Incredibly smart, her memory is crazy! She’s a sweet little thing too, wonder where she gets that from? She can also be a little minx though, don’t tell her NO or that she can’t do something!

Oh yeah this is my little beauty!

Her vocabulary gets better each day, sometimes she says things and it’s like “WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT?!” Now if only I could get her potty trained! Diapers are EXPENSIVE!!! If anyone has tips on how to get this process started I would really appreciate it! She’s still eating Gerber toddler food. I’m not ready to give her straight table food, because she’s a mouth stuffer and I’m worried about her choking, but I’m sure she’ll get there soon enough.

Hair, so Ms. Samira will NOT let me touch her hair. Like seriously, I can’t braid it or take them out My daughter currently has half of her hair braided and the other half is a matted mess! She seriously acts as though she is being tortured! I am very gentle with her when I do her hair, so pain is not an issue here. She’s just being a pain in the you know what! Thing is, Samira’s hair has to be braided or it will become tangled and matted. If anyone can offer any tips on how to soothe her while I’m washing and styling her hair, again, I’d REALLY appreciate it! My father and I used to be circus clowns during the process but it’s not working anymore!

Me: I’m currently a full-time nursing student and fully UNEMPLOYED! Unfortunately my job would not accommodated my school schedule, and seeing as though education is my number one priority, I resigned. I think it was best, as the cord have finally been severed with that place. Things are a bit tight though, and will be for the next couple of years. I hope I’m able to find a temporary job during the summer while I’m not in school.

Dating, LOL….can all the real men who want to be in a committed relationship PLEASE STAND UP! I tried to get back into the dating pool but it was full of muck, so I jumped out. It seems as though a lot of these men are game players. I don’t know if it’s because with online dating they just have so many options or what, but I don’t have the time or patience for games. I also don’t have time for people who don’t understand that dating a person with a child is much different that someone who does not. SPONTANEITY really isn’t an option! Planning is required. Anyway, I just decided to concentrate on school right now. I may try again when the semester is over, but if and when it happens…it happens.

Daughter’s father, still not in the picture like he should be. Truly his loss.

This is a picture of my beautiful baby girl taken on October 31, 2013! I love my Mira Bella!

My girl made 33 weeks, two days ago. She won’t officially be 8 months until the 18th. Do you moms go by months or weeks at this point? I was telling a friend that 32 weeks isn’t truly 8 months, and that weeks and months don’t really correspond. I go by weeks, I’ve been doing it since the beginning so that’s what’s easiest for me.

The past 33 weeks have been a rollercoaster. There are days when I’m up and high on life and then down. I’m still trying to grasp the concept of this mommy thing. There are days when I can’t even believe I have a child, I honestly didn’t think that I would have one. So when I look at her I can’t believe she’s mine. Is that odd?

Samira sprouted her first couple of teeth during her 6th month, her top two are sprouting now. She’s started crawling, not fully on her knees yet, but she’s definitely mobile! She’s a Chatty Cathy too! She also loves to pull hair, lips, cheeks and anything else within arms reach. She also loves to tear paper apart and then put it in her mouth. EVERYTHING is taste worthy!

She started on Gerber 2nd foods last week, I’m going to try yogurt, water and juice next week. My parents don’t want me to give her the 2nd foods meat products…my mom thinks it might contain horse…lmao.

I’m getting over the fact that my daughter’s father is a non-factor in her life. He JUST started to contribute financially, smh. I realized that she’s honestly better off without him and that in the end it is truly his loss and karma will definitely get him.

I have a new job that I dislike, but it pays the bills. I’m now very motivated to get into nursing school, I want and can do better than what I’m doing. I just have to ACT instead of talking about it.

Weight loss, ha! This is the HARDEST thing to do. I’m so exhausted when I get home from work I’m just not motivated, but it has to be done….

So much to say, but so little time. I will definitely try to update this blog once a week, it’s pathetic that my last post was in May. Anyway, all of my mommy friends let me know how you and your little ones are doing!

So last week I began to workout and eat healthy again. Last week when I began Weight Loss Journey 2.0 I needed to lose 40 pounds to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. As of today, I need to lose 35.3 pounds, 4.7 pounds in one week…not bad! I’ve set a goal of one year to lose the weight, which I feel is realistic.

I’ve started by doing Jillian Michaels Ripped in 30, this is the first exercise DVD that I bought, and it did a great job…I think I lost about 15 pounds doing it, and I hope to achieve the same amount this go around. After Ripped in 30, I’m going to do Jillian Michaels Body Revolution. I was doing this program when I found out that I was pregnant, I never completed it because it is VERY intense. While doing the program, I became fit enough to do military style push-ups.

I was looking at pictures of myself from last summer and DAMN did I look good! It’s amazing because when I was there I was still obsessing about the 30 pounds I needed to lose to get to my ultimate goal weight, I couldn’t see how far I had come! Now I’m using those pics as inspiration….screw Beyonce, for now…lol.

I’ve read on a few sites that it is more difficult to lose pregnancy weight, none of the sites explain WHY though. Is it hormones? I mean the only thing I can imagine is not having time. I also understand the new trouble spots some women may have….my mother’s apron is gonna be a problem…it needs to be called Big Mama’s Apron…smh.

For those of you on My Fitness Pal, please add me: Diandra81. For those of you who aren’t on MFP, you should try it out. It’s a great site, also on app on smart phones, to count your calories and track your diet. The phone app allows you to scan your food’s barcodes and logs the calories that way. You can also log in your weight, water intake, exercise….it’s really helpful!

Fire fighter, oil rig worker, bomb squad, police officer, Steve Buscemi’s dentist…think those jobs are hard? Well guess again folks! The HARDEST job in the world is being a MOTHER!

Last year I made a post with a quote from my father. He told me to cherish the sleep I was getting because I would never be able to sleep the same again, and boy was he right! The first couple of weeks were ROUGH…I was recovering from a c-section, swollen with over 20 pounds of water weight, mentally a wreck because of my situation with baby girl’s father….like I said ROUGH. I think in the 8 weeks and 6 days she has been alive I’ve nearly had 8 breakdowns.

What I have learned is to accept help. I felt that as a mother I was supposed to be able to do everything. I felt that if I couldn’t do something it made me less of a mom, and that’s why I was so sad after breastfeeding didn’t work out for me. My parents were trying to help me, but I didn’t want to accept it for the reason above as well as the fact that I felt they were overbearing and my mother can be a know-it-all. Unfortunately, as a first time mother you are going to have to deal with that from your parents, especially your mother. I’ve now set boundaries. I explained to her that everyone has to learn through experience…this is my first time as a mother, I’m learning as I go! Of course I’m going to make mistakes…and let me! I appreciate her advice, but don’t push things on because that’s how you did it in the past. She now fully respects that.

I’ve also realized that I do not have the control I used to have. Now that Samira is a bit older I thought that things would get “easier”…ha! I figured she’d have a pattern I could work around…wrong! While her feeding schedule is fairly regular, other things are not…such as her SLEEP SCHEDULE and I have to just learn to work with it and accept it, even though it’s TOUGH!

So all in all I’ve learned that no amount of reading on a subject you do is really going to prepare you fully, it’s helpful…but motherhood is PRACTICAL. Also, you’re going to worry but as said…please use google with caution, because it will have you diagnosing your child with ebola! Oh yeah, accept any and all help!

I hope to create a long list of things I’ve learned when baby girl turns one!

I know it has been a while, but being a mother sorta takes up ALL of your time!

Tuesday, March 19, 2013….I wake up to the sounds of George Lopez on Nick at Nite. I feel some pain/pressure, but it doesn’t concern me because I got that feeling whenever I had to pee. I go to the bathroom and get back into bed and I’m still feeling pain/pressure…so I figure that I have to poop! I go back to the bathroom, no poop…but I do pee again. I head back to bed and try to lay down…still feeling that pain/pressure. At this point I’m thinking that maybe this is early labor…but I head to the bathroom to try to poop..again! So I pee again and when I wipe I notice it’s pink tinged. In my mind, I’m really not convinced of what was happening because I was certain that I was going to be induced three days later…she was just not coming on her own. I go back to my room and instead of trying to go back to sleep, I decided to sit up and watch tv and do some kick counts. When I go to sit in bed a small gush of water comes out of me…

Now, one would think that at this point all of the dots have connected. I mean, I did realize what was going on, but like I said before, I was CONVINCED that I was going to be induced. So I call the 24 hr L&D hotline at the hospital and tell them that I think my water broke and they told me to come straight in.

I wake my folks up and my father goes to get the car, we were having a snow/ice/rain storm that morning so he wasn’t sure that he’d be able to get the car out of the garage. After 10 minutes, I still hadn’t heard from my father so I called a cab because all I was thinking was getting to the hospital ASAP so I could get my antibiotics since I was GBS+. As me and my mom are going down the steps another gush of water comes out, this one soaked me. When we get out of the building my dad is pulling up, thank goodness.

When we arrive at the hospital and go to L&D the nurse brings me to triage and hooks me up to the contraction and fetal heart monitors. I ask her about the antibiotics and she says that requires a doctor’s order…and I’m thinking…well GET IT!!! So after what seemed like an eternity a doctor comes in, they checked the wee wee pad they put me on and confirm my water ruptured (well duh!) and that she passed her meconium too. It’s funny because I passed mine in my mother as well…ha!

I’m finally brought to a delivery room and hooked up to the antibiotics, that was around 5 AM. So my mom and I are chilling in the room and I’m thinking that I’m going to do this au naturale as I’m riding my contractions pretty well…ha! Little did I know that those measly contractions were a mere fraction of what was to come. I really commend all of you women who gave birth naturally, you are WARRIORS! After a few hours I couldn’t take it anymore so I requested an epidural. Well the first time around the catheter kinked, the second time around the catheter went in but the medication had NO effect! So the anethesiologist gave me a combined spinal and that worked immediately. About a half hour later the doctors came in and told me that they had to place a monitor on the baby’s head because she had been off their monitors and they would get a accurate reading and they also had to PUT fluid in me to get her moving, scary, but everything worked out.

By the time the combined spinal wore off I had been in labor for over 16 hours and the pain was INTENSE! It was that pain that’s so intense you start saying stuff because you think you’re going to die. At that point an attending OB came in and started talking about C-Section because I was at a 6 and not progressing and they said the baby might become/was a little distressed. He said that if I hadn’t progressed to 8 cm in two hours I would need a c-section. I started to bawl….I mean who wants a c-section?!

I had to sign a c-section consent form and before signing to the doctor was telling me the RISKS….well great…I’m in so much pain, I think I’m dying and then you’re telling me these risks…like the baby could be cut!

Well after two miserable hours I’m checked and I did NOT progress so c-section it is! A different anesthesiologist was on at the point and was going to give me an epidural and through my tears I was telling him that they tried it earlier and it did not work, I asked him to please give me the spinal. He said he wasn’t sure and that I may need to be put to sleep…oh hell no!! I BEGGED him to give me the spinal and to not put me to sleep.

When we get to the OR he gave me the combined spinal, thank Jesus! The c-section commenced, my mom was with me. She told me that when they pulled her out and I just kept asking about why she wasn’t crying. When I finally DID hear her crying it was the most beautiful sound ever! Then I started to cry. After a few minutes they brought her over to me, and my mom held her. The nurse took a couple of pictures and then they took Samira to bring her to the nursery. She was 7 lbs 3.4 oz. and 21 inches long….she was so skinny lol. To think that doctor was scaring me and telling me I was going to have a 9 pound baby! I had a little peanut!

I must’ve fallen asleep in the OR because I woke up in the recovery room and really don’t remember being taken there. When I woke up I immediately asked for my baby so I could breastfeed and do skin to skin. My nurse told me she was still in the nursery. So after what seemed like forever and still no baby, I called the nursery myself and asked when she was going to be brought to me. When my baby finally got there I asked the nurse if she could help with breastfeeding. Do you know I was SO exhausted I fell asleep while she was helping me…LMAO.

When I was finally brought to my room in postpartum I was still holding her but falling asleep….the NA told the nurse who finally pried her from my arms…haha, it’s funny because even though I was dead tired I watched her the entire time while she slept…just to see her breath. I’ve been doing that for 25 days…and will probably never stop.

Here are a couple of pictures of a freshly baked and a day old Samira:

My doc did a vaginal exam and told me that my cervix was high and closed. I read that vaginal exams don’t mean much, as people have been high and closed and the next day have a baby in their arms. I guess it’s just a mind thing….hearing that you’re dilated makes you feel like you’re making progress. My doctor told me that if I don’t have her by my due date, which is NEXT Saturday, I’ll be induced the Friday after that….well that’s if she doesn’t come on her own.

My NST and BPP went well. Saw my little bambina’s face again, I think she’s her father’s child! She was sleeping….it was sooo cute! I can’t wait to hold her.

I’m seven pounds away from the weight I was when I began my weight loss journey, took me 10 months to lose it. I’m happy that I’m not beating myself up over this, but DAMN! If/when I have another child I definitely know what I need to do. I’m just mad I’m gonna have to buy new clothes :::sigh::: but I WILL be in my “skinny” clothes next year!

Today my regular OB called me and informed me that my LFTs went down to normal and that my bile acids didn’t indicate that I have cholestasis, yippee! As you all know I was very worried, because I read that folks with cholestasis were normally induced at 37 weeks ,which would have been this Saturday for me.

So, I had an appointment with another OB today, since my regular is on vacation. I heard baby girl’s heartbeat, which was great. I can’t wait to see her on Friday. He then brought up my weight….I’ve gained A LOT. He mentioned that at last weeks ultrasound my baby was measuring at 6.9 pounds, and is scheduled to be 8 pounds at 39 weeks. He said that she could be 9 pounds and I don’t want that because big babies can do damage to themselves and the mom. He said to lower my caloric intake…will do sir.

I honestly didn’t really freak out, I know that I’ve gained more weight that I wanted to, and I KNOW why…I can’t blame anyone. I’ve lost a huge amount of weight in less than a year and I know that I can and WILL do it again, I gotta fit into all of the cute clothes I bought!

Mommies who have birthed big babies come on in here and share your experiences!