Steve McManaman’s weak clearance in the 1993 Merseyside derby, which led to Mark Ward’s drilled opener, sparked some serious invective from the foppish Liverpool winger’s own keeper, Bruce Grobbelaar.

The Zimbabwean grabbed Macca by the throat, gave him a piece of his mind and shoved him in the face. McManaman gave the eccentric stopper a bit back before walking away from the enraged net-minder. Very wise, too.

“It wasn’t the first time I’d seen that happen,” claimed Brazilian maverick Caju after an explosive end to a Botafogo-Flamengo clash in 1970.

When O Fogao grabbed a late equaliser, an irate Fla fan ran onto the pitch armed with a loaded pistol and proceeded to pump its contents into the match ball. “He was a nutter,” trilled Caju. “He needs a new brain.”

3. It's a team game, Ron

Gareth Bale was understandably thrilled to have scored for Real Madrid against Levante in March 2015, ending a relatively barren run of 10 goalless games for the Welshman.

But not everyone was so chuffed with the wideman. Nope: rather than celebrate with Bale, Cristiano Ronaldo threw his arms up in disgruntlement after ball hit net, having scuffed his bicycle attempt moments earlier.

"It's difficult to be Cristiano and he has been performing at a very high level for a number of years," team-mate Sergio Ramos reasoned post-match. "He knows himself better than anyone, he has a very competitive character and we aren't worried if he didn't score if Bale subsequently did."

The clown prince of keepers during the early 20th century, Stoke stopper Leigh Richmond Roose thought nothing of sitting on top of his crossbar during breaks in play, or chatting to members of the crowd.

He also had the shortest of fuses, and in 1905 sought out a barracker who’d criticised him for conceding a late goal against Everton. Roose booted him straight in the plums at a swanky post-match reception.

Roose didn't take any prisoners

5. “Think you’ve had enough, lads”

I didn’t want to start sending off any of their players, but they were starting to get frustrated and upset