Tuesday, June 15

It is with an altered sense of fashion and a heavy heart that I write this post!

By altered sense of fashion, I mean that I am not like 90% of the mommies in my area. Apparently, having children and then getting nipped and tucked - so you can still dress like your children when they reach those awkward teenage years - is a logical series of events.

I, however, understand that I have pushed a bowling ball-sized human out of a place that, naturally, is only meant to fit a hot dog - at most. I also understand that the chances of my hips fitting into my size 2 jeans again are slim to none! It was a hard realization to come to...but all I have to do is take one look at The Babe - or sono pictures of The Wee One - and know that the changes are totally worth it.

Can someone, then, please tell me WHY some mommies feel it is necessary to still wear spandex and tight tops after having children?!?! I don't care if you've had 1 baby or 4 or 12...I also don't care if they were natural or c-sections...in the end, you are a MOTHER now!! Set an example, for goodness sake!

I truly wish I could have gotten a picture to add to this post...it really would have just made your night - I promise!! Instead, though, let me take you though a visual journey in your mind...now, I know it would be difficult for you to close your eyes and keep reading...so I guess you have to keep your eyes open. Maybe, for my next story like this, I will try to do a vlog (without showing myself, of course)...but for now, this will have to do!

Earlier in the week, I packed up The Babe and we set off for the mall. This isn't just any mall, but one of the biggest in the nation - in terms of number of stores and pure sales volume (I used to work there, which is the only reason why I know this) - so I know I'm always in for some sort of entertainment when I go to this specific mall. The Babe is finally getting to the point where she likes to explore and crawl like a maniac (when her teeth aren't causing issues), so the kiddie play place is the perfect solution! I can sit and watch her interact with other tykes, but still be close enough to come to the rescue if necessary.

So there we are at the play place and The Babe is crawling up a storm. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I spot a younger mommy - like myself - with her double-wide stroller and two toddlers coming towards me. She parks her stroller in the corral, as best she could, and lets the demon children off their leashes into the play area.

It really wasn't her demon children I was worried about - who looked about 3 and 4 - but HER who I couldn't believe!! Her boys were dressed to the nine's...I mean, cute polo shirts with khakis and little boat shoes...they were SUPER cute! Mommy, on the other hand, looked a mess...she was wearing a tiny shirt that kind of showed her belly, a pair of flip-flops and...WAIT FOR IT...SPANDEX!!!!!!

Of course, being the nosy person that I am, I just HAD to hear her "story" to see what made her think she was privileged enough to wear spandex on the lower half of her...so I made a new friend. We went through the usual of complimenting each others' kids, asking their ages and how labor went (don't ask, but it works every. single. time)...and from there, I begin to dig! I ask if she and her hubs were planning on any additional faces to their brood - to which she kind of smiled. She said her hubs wanted more, but that she felt done with having babies. I was really trying to figure out how old she was more than anything...then she just started to spill (SWEET)!!

Spandex Momma proceeds to tell me that baby #1 was a surprise...their first daughter - now 13 - is really no longer a baby anymore. She says that, at 25, her and her husband were shocked and scared about being parents (I can say, with certainty, that I feel her pain...finding out about The Babe at 24 was a little more than a shock)...but now I'm able to figure out her age - which is around 38 or 39. SM goes on to say that her first set of twins - now 9 - and her second set of twins demon children - now 3 - had put her over the top.

At this point, I wanted to shake the bitch and scream in her face!!! Why, after having FIVE children, does she think that spandex are such a great idea?!?! ESPECIALLY since she said she never had a c-section...YIKES!!!!!!!!! Her poor vag has been through more than an army soldier - and you don't seem THEM in spandex, either, now do you?!?!

It was all I could do to keep my mouth shut...which is why this story made it to my blog :) Hopefully it will shed some light on some of you who - quite possibly - feel it necessary to wear spandex out in public in your 20's, 30's, 40's or beyond. You may have a smokin' body...but there are better ways to show it off while still maintaining a good example as a mother!

Oh man. There's not enough room on this page to even outline my hatred of spandex ... and of the people who think they can get away with wearing it!! Do these women not own mirrors? Have some self-respect, ladies!

I would love to add shorty shorts to this list and pants that have any writing across the bum. Ugh. There is body and age appropriate. And clothes meant for a teenage body never look the same on an adult, even if she is in awesome shape. And spandex? Well, they are only for the gym. For everyone.

Ahhhh ha ha ha!! You know I love a good fashion police story. Spandex is not for public consumption. It is for working out- AT HOME preferably, but if you have a fantastic body then I can't fault you for wearing it at the gym.

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I went from "in a relationship" to "single" to "pregnant" to "married" to "mommy" in the matter of a year. You'd be surprised how quickly life can turn around on you - and most of the time it happens when you aren't paying attention! Come on by and take a seat...learn from me by reading my "Lessons Learned!"