[Topless Beach] How To Pick Up A Girl At The Beach

How To Pick Up A Girl At The Beach

Second only to vacation time, chasing after women in bikinis is probably your favorite thing about summer. Spending hours at the beach with your boys is great and all, but if you’re like most men, you’re not just there to admire the seagulls and build sandcastles (although, that can be fun too).

Get Yourself Right

If you’re hoping to snag the 10 confidently strutting in the sand, do yourself a favor and get on her level. If she looks amazing, it didn’t probably didn’t happen effortlessly, even if she makes it look like it did. Put some work in to make sure you’re up to par before your toe even contemplates touching that scorching sand.

A good place to start: Don’t wear your mesh gym shorts or last season’s chlorine faded trunks. Skip anything that shows your upper thigh or your butt crack. A proper piece of swimwear should sit at or slightly above your hip bone and should fall a few inches above your knee. No one wants to see your milky quads or get an eyeful of your happy trail. Speaking of that, if it’s out of control, clean it up. We endure methods of torture (ie: waxing and threading) that would leave a grown man in tears, the least you can do is use your trimmer.

And, we realize it may already be too late to do anything about this, but if you haven’t been to the gym since high school and you’re as soft and doughy as freshly baked bagel, maybe you should work on that.

Seriously though, at the end of the day, a genuine sense of self-confidence (read: not just a cocky facade) makes up for variety of swimsuit shortcomings. Except for rocking a Speedo; nothing can make up for that.

Choose Your Blanket Placement Wisely

There are miles of sand out there, and you should traverse a good portion of it before settling down somewhere. Half of your technique lies in situating yourself in golden zone of opportunity. You should be surrounded by groups of mostly girls on each side, with special attention to avoiding families. You don’t want to be dodging toddlers in your moment of approach.

Once you’ve claimed your beach territory, make sure to position your blanket so that you can not only see what’s out there, but so that whoever out there can also get a good glimpse of you in all your freshly trimmed, perfectly-trunked glory.

Catch Her Eye

It’s time to acknowledge what most girls rarely own up to: We’re checking you out and sizing you up like a piece of meat just as much as you and your boys do to us. The unsavory things that come out of the mouths of babes might surprise you, and in some cases, offend you. Yes, we’re that bad.

With our wandering eyes in mind, rather than approaching her, just do your thing. Women love seeing boys just being boys: roughhousing with their friends, showing off newly acquired dance moves, and just generally enjoying themselves without her. By falling back, you give her a chance to sweat over you and point you out to her friends. You also win points for not being that ultra thirsty guy, which often reads as thinly-veiled desperation.

Read Her Body Language

Sometimes success means not chasing after the most beautiful woman on the beach, but instead, the girl you’re most likely to have luck with it. The girl in the Brazilian cut bikini with the perfect tan strutting like the beach is her own personal runway might be easy on the eyes, but she is obviously an an attention seeker who won’t be easily wooed (or worse yet, too easily wooed). Likewise for the girl wearing a full face of makeup at the beach.

However, a girl who seems relaxed and confident in her own skin is likely to be easygoing and open to conversation. She should be the girl your share your carefully curated cooler with. Smart investments gentleman, that’s what it’s all about.

Invite Her to Get Physical

We hate to keep repeating this, but get memorize this fact: Pickup lines don’t work. They never have and they never will. The only effective way to meet a stranger is to approach her and start a genuine conversation.

At a bar, this can be be a little tricky. But, luckily for you, the breaking the ice at the beach is much less difficult, especially if you have the right props. In this case your props can be any/all of the following: a volleyball, a boogie board, a Frisbee, a surf board or a Nerf ball. With your prop in hand, confidently walk up to her and her friends and challenge them to game. Guys vs. girls, losers buy beers!

Anticipate Her Needs

You shouldn’t bring sand to the beach, but icy beverages? You better bring a ton of those. Think of a fully-stocked cooler as your pickup accessories, and don’t leave home without a supply of drinks, snacks and booze that could rival your local bodega’s selection.

Ordinarily, we don’t reccomend buying a woman a drink as a first point of contact, but it’s the beach, and it’s damn hot out there! Offering her a cold beverage in the blazing sun is almost an act of chivalry! Plus, it’s a guaranteed in. Who turns down an ice cold beer?

Other accessories worth taking on your beach trip: Sunscreen (she just may need it), a radio for sharing your exceptional taste in music and some extra batteries, in case her boom box runs out of juice. See? All that Boy Scout talk about being prepared actually holds true for once!

Don’t Single Her Out

The fastest way to wipe out at the beach is to approach one girl while pointedly ignoring her friends. If she’s there with her friends, her chief priority is enjoying their company. Plus, by singling her out, your force her to snub her friends in favor of flirting with you, which is widely accepted as a cardinal sin among women.

Rather than risk being eliminated on those terms, use a less-abrasive method of initiation by approaching the group as whole, not just your lady of interest. If you want to play volleyball with her, invite her and friends. If you want to offer her a drink, offer them all drink. If you want to address the dude you just saw lose his shorts in the surf, address the entire group.

In doing this, you accomplish three things. One, you appear friendly and fun-loving rather than being blatantly in pursuit. Secondly, you leave some ambiguity to whether or not your interested in her specifically (always more exciting!) but also open the possibility for one-on-one conversation without appearing creepy. And third, you win the advance approval of her friends, which will be necessary for things going forward.

Size Up Her Friends

There is no all-purpose approach the works on every woman, which is why you should try to suss out what you’re getting yourself into before you make your first move, so you can use one of the most fitting aforementioned approaches.

If her and her friends are slathered up in oil rotating with the sun’s revolution, you should probably avoid approaching them. Also, we shouldn’t have to say this, but never approach a woman lying on her stomach. She’s either sleeping or working on her tan, and in both cases, you will be interrupting her.

Signs that a group is easier-access:

They’re dancing, standing or lounging rather than reclined. If their noses are in books, they might be on a different page (ahem) than you are.
They’re actually in the water or at least putting their feet in. Being at a beach and actually doing something aside from sunbathing indicates they’re open and spontaneous, and will likely be open-minded to your approach. Bonus points if they’re fearlessly tackling the waves.
Their have other guys accompanying them. This seems counter-intuitive, but it means their outing is a social event rather than girl-only pow wow (Yes, those exist). Your next move here is ascertaining who’s with who, and sticking to the group approach we mentioned earlier.

Do Your Best To Not Be “That Guy”

Those times when you’re paranoid that the women on their beach towels across the way are laughing at you is actually not paranoia, but an assessment of fact. Despite your best intentions, you have inadvertently become “that guy.”

Possible things that have landed you here:

Opening with a comment about how much you admire her ass.
Offering to put sunscreen on her and “not miss a spot.”
Loudly playing Lil Wayne’s “Lollipop” and staring suggestively in her direction.
Asking her to accompany you on a walk to the nearby nude beach.
One of the pitfalls of women being barely clothed is that their creep-meter is that extra-sensitive. Do your best to not be pushy or make her uncomfortable. The last thing we want to hear is you muttering “Giggity Giggity” when we’re stretched out on a towel with nothing between the two of us but two measly scraps of cloth.

Taking It Beyond The Beach

You’ve waited patiently to zero in on her and make your move, and now you’re finally talking one on one. If you think the attraction is mutual, at some point, you’re going to have to go in for the kill.

Our suggestion is to build off the ground you’ve already established. If you invited her in on a volleyball game, challenge her to a one-on-one rematch. If you were sharing drink earlier, tell her you know a place whose martinis totally blow your watery PBR’s away. The delivery is the difference between charming and corny. Good natured and confident is the name of the game here.

No matter how you actually found yourself face to face with your beach cutie, a genuine, straightforward question like, “Do you want to go to the beach sometime next week, just you and me?” will make it clear your genuinely interested in her, and not just gawking at her bikini body.