Will, who customises his grammar school uniform by wearing skinny suit trousers from Topman and a blazer that's slightly too small, tones down his weekend look for mufti day, "otherwise I'll get the piss taken out of me. Last time, I wore the top button of my polo shirt done up, and everyone went on about that for ages."

From 13 on, I was decked out in: a battered black trenchcoat that belonged to my grandpa, black blazer, black Levi's, black Doc Martens, black waistcoat (still convinced I started that trend), white shirt with three open buttons, showing off my crucifix, greased back hair...

I say "used to"... Still, I looked a fuck sight better than these weans. The youth of today don't know how to dress.