Jean-Louis

Posted 28 March 2008 - 12:32 PM

Interests:In the vast ocean of my ignorance, I have a few bubbles of interests

Canada

I recently got a joke mail about the world economic system. I expanded it from 8 to 28 countries. Feel free to add to it.

TWO COWS
Understanding the world’s diverse economic systems:

SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows, and the Government forces you give one to your slacker neighbour.

COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you a half a glass of sour milk

NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.

AMERICAN SYSTEM:
You have two cows. You sell one to buy High-tech milking equipment and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

FRENCH SYSTEM:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

RUSSIAN SYSTEM:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 0.6 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

BRITISH SYSTEM:
You have two cows. Both are mad.

ITALIAN SYSTEM:
You have two cows. The Church takes one, the mafia takes the other and you eat Pizza.

GREEK SYSTEM:
You have two cows. You leave them in Greece, go open a restaurant in another country and argue over the milk with relatives on the phone.

SWISS SYSTEM
You have 2 two cows. You make chocolate with the milk and sell it at an outrageous price with a smug snub of condescension

CANADIAN SYSTEM:
You have two cows. The English one is boring and the French one wants its own farm.

LEBANON SYSTEM:
You have two cows. And six competing militias are trying to kill you for the milk.

ISRAELI SYSTEM
You have one cow. You build a wall around your cow and a second neighboring one, justify it as biblical and threaten anyone who objects with generations of unending warfare.

IRAQI SYSTEM
Before: You had two cows but Saddam kept all the milk.
Now: You have one cow, butcher it into 3 parts and go on a murderous rampage because you have no milk.

TALIBAN SYSTEM:
You have two cows. You declare milk to be unholy and vile and threaten to blow up everybody else’s cows.

IRANIAN SYSTEM:
You have two cows. And you threaten to produce radioactive milk.

DUBAI SYSTEM:
You have two cows. You create a website advertising them everywhere as a new Cow City. You sell off their milk before the cows have even been milked to both legit and shaddy investors who hope to resale the nonexistent milk for a 100% profit. You bring Tiger Woods to milk the cow first to attract attention.

QATAR SYSTEM:
You have two cows. They've been sitting there for decades and no one realizes that cows can produce milk. You see what Dubai is doing, you go crazy and start milking the heck out of the cows tits in the shortest time possible. Then you realize no one wanted the milk in the first place.

SAUDI SYSTEM:
Since milking the cow involves nipples the gov't decides to ban all cows in public. You just buy the milk from everyone else and pay them extra to leave your cows alone.

PAKISTANI SYSTEM: You have two cows, you give the milk to the military and have fun watching all the lawyers riot in the streets.

INDIAN SYSTEM
You have two cows but they are sacred and cannot be touched. You convince everyone else to outsource the milking of their cows to you.

SUB-SAHRAN AFRICA SYSTEM
You have the parched, sun-baked skeleton of two cows in the sand. You put the pictures on TV and get donations of powdered milk

CHINESE SYSTEM
You have two billion cows and that just scares the shit out of everyone else

JAPANESE SYSTEM.
You have two cows. You sell them and build a set of robotic cows with big round anime eyes to replace them.

THAI SYSTEM:
You have two cows. You keep the milk and sell the farmboys and farmgirls.

NORTH KOREAN SYSTEM.
You have no cows. You produce a nuclear bomb and offer to dismantle it for some milk.

JAMAICAN SYSTEM:
You have two cows. You stare at them for a while and then go roll yourself a big fat joint .

HAITIAN SYSTEM:
You have two cows. The Tonton Macoutes take one. You kill the other and leave it rotting on the street.

CUBAN SYSTEM:
You have two cows and you wait for Castro to die to milk them

COLUMBIAN SYSTEM:
You have two cows. You feed them coca leaves and have the cartels sell the milk.

MEXICAN SYSTEM.
You have two cows. And you send all your farmers to milk the cows next door.

GLOBAL SYSTEM.
You declare all cows to be free for all but they can only be milked with your patented machine.

THE LIECHTENSTEIN SYSTEM:
You have one goat, but your neighbors are embarrassed about how they got their cows, so you offer to milk them for a small cut of the milk. With the profits you buy many many cows in other countries.

THE MONACO SYSTEM:
You have no cows, but you persuade people come to you to gamble away their milk money, so you can buy all the milk you need.

You have no cows to start with, but you have a concept. You persuade someone who does have cows to make you a loan. You hire a herd of goats for an outrageous sum, and hire a special-effects team for an outrageous sum to make them look like cows. You sell pictures of the "cows" for an outrageous sum. With the profits you pay an outrageous sum for a herd of real cows with "designer" brands on their bums to graze on your front lawn.

Hans van der Maarel

Posted 30 March 2008 - 06:20 AM

I am trying to come up with something for Sweden, but I am totally blank...

SWEDISH SYSTEM:You take over the world by selling cheap cows that people have to put together themselves before they can actually get milk from them (and for some reason, one leg is always shorter than the others)

Posted 31 March 2008 - 07:33 AM

I was thinking more about how we Swedes try to always be "lagom" (middle-of-the-road, modest) and how we are afraid to stick out and be seen as boisterous (see Jante law). Or maybe something about semi-communist social democracy and how Swedes trust that the government will do everything for you...

Hans van der Maarel

Posted 31 March 2008 - 08:31 AM

Hans van der Maarel

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I was thinking more about how we Swedes try to always be "lagom" (middle-of-the-road, modest) and how we are afraid to stick out and be seen as boisterous (see Jante law). Or maybe something about semi-communist social democracy and how Swedes trust that the government will do everything for you...

I'm sorry... just as it is my country's destiny to be remembered for tulips, wooden shoes and little boys with their fingers in dikes, yours will be remembered for wobbly flat-pack furniture...