“Thank you. I am Professor J’onzz and I will be your lecturer this term on the History of Earth. As you know, this semester is just part of the larger galactic history doctorate, but I hope that I can inspire some of you with my favourite subject. Today we’ll start you off with a brief overview”

“Now this was Earth prior to the galactic schism of 2275-76….

“And this is how we’ve known it for the last 437 years – a floating debris cloud thanks to the Fundamentalist Church of Vorlath the obliterator”

Hail Vorlath!

“Thank you gentlemen. Yes, thanks to the use of the now-outlawed Tectonic splitter weevils and a secondary device believed to be an ionic desolation scrubber, human life in the galaxy was suddenly and violently reduced to a few colonies and some star crews lucky enough to be off-planet at that time. Remind us Brother Hurmurf, what did the Vorlathian church decide was Earth’s crime to deserve obliteration?”

“They were there. And not green. Hail Vorlath!”

“Quite. I believe the cash settlements for the surviving few were very large, and the Church of Vorlath had its wrist slapped again.

So, with the history of Earth reduced to dust and the memories of several hundred colonists, scholars such as myself have been trying to piece together the facts of this fascinating planet for centuries. The main source for historical archives now seems to be the works of the members of ‘Holy-wood’, which we believe was a religious society that worshipped money. Their worship involved the creation of ‘Moovees’ or ‘Teevee’, which were narrative documentaries then distributed to the masses for educational purposes. Today I’ll look at just a few of these to offer some insight into periods of Earth history.”

Early human evolution appears to have involved the use of the native reptile species ‘Dinosaurs’ as beasts of burden, transport and household utensils. This man, Fred Flintstone, and his companions Barney, Betty and his mating partner Wilma, appear to be the subject of a Teevee documenting daily life. Regardless of their amazing ingenuity, it seems they had a complete lack of metal working skills. This meant no camera equipment and somebody had to draw their daily routines to be animated centuries later – amazing forethought.

“Professor J’onzz, I’ve read somewhere about various theories saying that humans evolved millions of years after the Dinosaurs?”

“Yes, Doctor Xxxxygrh at the Saturn research station has postulated his so-called ‘Monkey theory’ but if this is true, how do you explain the other document I have discovered – ‘Barney & friends’?”

“Earth’s middle ages seen to be dominated by the history of this homeless unwashed thief, one ‘Robin Hood’ although conflicting accounts place his accent from either America or New Zealand so we do not know how he became English nobility…..

As we progress we see a typical scene from feudal Japan. Apparently, Ninja attacks were a daily inconvenience for Samurai, along with bulging eyes and a speech impediment which forced their mouths to move at different times to the sounds that they made……

…. Yet another example of the Earth fascination of documenting crime while not using the evidence to prosecute the perpetrator – it’s believed Pirate captains may have had a special immunity known as ‘Franchise sequels’ ……

….. and so it seems that the name of ‘James Bond’ was actually an honorific title passed on through the ages, which would explain why we have discovered archives of 7 or 8 different ‘Mr. Bonds’ saving the Earth. For the same phenomena see also Batman, Doctor Who, John Connor, Dracula, Sherlock Holmes, Jack Ryan……

It seems that the late twentieth century was a bleak time for humanity. Plagues of zombies, huge environmental disasters, financial ruin and a horrific occurrence in the early 21st century where millions of people were continually confused and disappointed for six whole years. We believe it was known as ‘Lost’……

…. And we are still debating the anomaly that is the ‘Star Wars’. The technology exhibited is very advanced, yet the opening moments of the record date it as a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. The small, trash-can shaped droid shown here is the most pivotal figure in the entire history of the conflict, while the humans indulge in a confusing and possibly incestuous series of encounters. For further information you may refer to my paper on the subject, titled ‘Han shot first’……

Well that’s just a taste of the things to come in Earth history this term. I hope you enjoy this rich and interesting subject. Your 1st assignment is being beamed to your tablets as we speak and it’s titled ‘What was the purpose of the Simon Cowell and was he the ancestor of Vorlath?’

Hail Vorlath!

4th Wall/ notes

Please note folks, an almost complete absence of innuendo here. I considered a genuine look at the futility of some decisions and events in human history, or perhaps the poignancy of extinct species being discussed in a scientific manner.

Brilliant. Some say Vorlath was descended from one of the Simon Cowell's rejected 'contestants'. It's believed some of these organisms would roam the land yelling off-key about annihilation but only a handful of Saturn scholars lend any credence to this..

Uh, professor, sorry I'm late to class. Hope it's not too late to hand in my paper "Simon Cowell, mouthpiece to an endangered species." Seriously, though, this is the best kind of social commentary. Thanks for classing up the joint.

Quoting joe pags
good job though what did you do for the video screen?

Thanks very much. The screen is just an opening in the wall. When it's showing the Earth, debris, and 101 logo, it's just black plates with tiles on them for the images. When it's the 'footage' I built little baseplates with scenery where required, which fit onto bricks built up behind the wall. I backed that up with white paper for a plain background.
These mini-scenes made photographing it a lot quicker as I could pre-build them and just swap them over when required.

Quoting Wes Pitter
Wow! Perhaps the best realization of a category in the Mob Rules yet, to my eyes. Absolutely hilarious. My wife probably thought I was crazy, laughing like a maniac at the computer. I loved how the aliens were grouped together in little cliques, and I was hooked when Fred Flinstone showed up. Congratulations on a genius-level MOC.

High praise indeed, considering your song and dance routine was the best in your group (no offense to your competitors, but they did a freeze-frame, you plotted the whole number)and that category was arguably the hardest last round. Thank you.

It's funny. I was in toys r us yesterday and I saw the army men on patrol set, and I thought, oh, that where he got the green heads. Haha so I bought the set. Anyway, excellent build, idea, and execution. I'm pumped for the next round. -Sam

Quoting George Gilliatt
Cool!
I like all the figures being lectured. I dont want to be pedantic but if your doctor who is meant to be the eleventh doctor than the end of his skrewdriver should be green. Any who, I love it;-)

Thank you, and of course who said it's the 11th Doctor? Could be the 17th with all the years between now and planetary obliteration ;)

Wow! Perhaps the best realization of a category in the Mob Rules yet, to my eyes. Absolutely hilarious. My wife probably thought I was crazy, laughing like a maniac at the computer. I loved how the aliens were grouped together in little cliques, and I was hooked when Fred Flinstone showed up. Congratulations on a genius-level MOC.