Cocaine is so 80's. If you're a US government official, there's a new habit-forming hotness to emerge from the country of Colombia: prostitutes. At least, that's what's to be believed in light of the latest report that Drug Enforcement Administration officials habitually made Colombian poontang pit stops while attempting to stem the yayo trade.

The alleged prostitutional liaisons occurred in Cartagena, the same town that was the site of last month's Secret Service noteworthy failure to be serviced in secret that led to the investigation of two dozen or so Secret Service and military officials. Eight people were dismissed from their jobs. This time around, it seems that multiple DEA officials — 2 for sure, but maybe more — were engaging in paid dalliances with sex workers. And the dalliances seemed to be a pretty regular thing; according to CNN, DEA officers would routinely entertain "foreign national masseuses" in the apartment of one of the DEA officials. (It's okay, guys! We won the War on Drugs! Take a load off! Or, uh, shoot a load off!)

All this is coming to light thanks to one very special Secret Service Agent's refusal to pay escort Dania Londono Suarez the money she says was supposed to be paid one fateful night in April. Suarez has completed several interviews with authorities on the matter, and it appears that the Secret Service incident is by no means an isolated event.

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Maine Republican Senator Susan Collins is, unsurprisingly, disappointed in these developments. She said, in a statement,

It's disturbing that we may be uncovering a troubling culture that spans more than one law enforcement agency [...] The evidence uncovered thus far indicates that this likely was not just a one-time incident.

Although prostitution is legal in Colombia, these are paid government officials using money we can assume they earned as part of their taxpayer-funded salaries to purchase the services of sex workers. If I thought that this were violating my moral code and thus my freedom of religion, would I be within my rights to file a lawsuit against the DEA?