“Her Highest Praises Were Mocking Insults”—What It’s Like Growing Up With a Narcissist for a Parent

“I became the ‘parent’ at a very young age. I was my mother’s business partner, employee, spouse, friend, and caretaker. When she had a sinus infection, I stayed home from school to care for her. Looking back, I’d be surprised if my mother even knew what grade I was in. It was common for me to see other adults bewildered by her behavior….This made me more protective of my mother, who convinced me everyone else was ‘out to get her.’

When I was ready to leave for college, my mother sobbed and said she couldn’t [make it] without me. I let someone else stay in my dorm room and commuted home every day to be with her. The most cathartic moment for me was when a therapist told me that my mother had never looked into my eyes and actually seen me. Instead, she looked at me and thought of herself, and how I affected her, and what I could do for her.” —Cara