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Monday, 2 May 2011

This is a warning to all those surviving infidelity; this is the most difficult thing you will ever have to go through! But many times I have seen people come out of an affair bitter and angry. I’m sure you have seen people who are bitter and angry all the time, never seem to smile and they are always in a bad mood. After going through my husband’s affair, I could really relate with those people and I could understand how you could be bitter and angry for years. I was bitter and angry for a very long time after my husband’s affair but after about 3? years I realized something. I no longer wanted to be that person.

I didn’t want to be bitter and angry anymore and I could tell that it was wearing my marriage down. I knew that if I didn’t change soon that I would no longer have a marriage and I didn’t want that. I really did love my husband very much and I knew that I had to fight my way out of my bitterness. What I found was that I had to process each one of my sorrows and disappointments and deal with each of them because hanging onto them was turning my heart cold and hard making me into someone that know one wanted to be around.

When surviving infidelity you must apply yourself and really work at your recovery. This means you should be learning all you can about affairs through books, seminars, counseling and support groups. There is no way you can become that happy person again if you pretend things are just fine and that the passing of time alone is going to heal you and the marriage. There is no magic pill to make your pain go way. You must learn to grieve, get angry, gain an understanding, accept what has happened, and you must learn to forgive. Then and only then can you discover your new life that may just be better than you ever hoped for on the other side of the affair.

We don’t have any control over what happens in our lives but we have full control over how we react to it. I have had people tell me that they can never forgive what their spouse has done to them and I fully understand how they feel. During the first year I couldn’t fathom us being happy and actually forgiving my husband for what he had done. He stole so much from me and I was beyond devastated. But when I realized what holding in the pain and anger was doing to me, I knew I had to find my way back to happiness.

The first thing I did was start going back to church. I knew my heart needed to change and I knew I could never do it alone. Finding God again was my saving grace because he took my heart and melted the ice away and fixed the broken places allowing me to truly forgive my husband. I found that I was actually happy again and that the pain of the affair was greatly diminished. I truly believe that God is your lifeline in surviving infidelity.