Breaking Obnoxious

This column space is typically my place to whine and complain about the current state of the world. There’s always too many issues to complain about and too few adult hotels in downtown Parkville to make it all better, it seems.

But this week’s column is going to be different. Because I’m finally living in the right time and caught something at the right stage. I just finished watching Breaking Bad in three weeks and was able to watch the season finale live so that I can sit a the cool kids “I watched the Breaking Bad finale” table.

But this is more than just participating in a television event. You have to understand the technology that went into this. Let’s start with the Netflix service, which allowed me to watch every episode of a show that had been on for five years. It started a month ago with one hour of television and then three weeks, twelve bags of cheetos and only a few washings of underpants later, I’m caught up.

Let’s also look at the ways in which I watched episodes. I watched them in a traditional sense on my television (hooked up to a box called a Roku), I watched them on my iPad and I watched them on my iPhone when I probably should have been doing something constructive like watching my son’s baseball game or paying attention to which lane I was in on the road.

I then was able to participate in obnoxious twitter conversations with other people who watch Breaking Bad such as, “OMG!! I can’t believe <insert good guy> just blew <bad guy> head off!! #BreakingBad” Before I started watching the show myself, I would just be annoyed with these types of comments, now, I can share in annoying others! It was like being invited to sit at the “cool kids’” table in Middle School. Suddenly I WAS somebody! I was a Breaking Bad watcher!!

I could share in the same inside jokes about “blue meth” and “getting run over by an Aztec” and know what I was talking about. Much to the constant annoyance of my friends and family. It’s almost as annoying as your friends and family that constantly drone on about their iPhones, or their Toyota Prius’s.

The downside is that Breaking Bad ended last weekend. The season finale wrapped, and everybody who needed to die did. What also died was my chance at being “cool.” I need that back. I need to find that next TV series or gadget that I can tweet about and write newspaper columns about to give me that fix again. Maybe I could be one of those folks that takes a stand on abortion or gun control. Nah, I said I wanted the “cool kids’” table, not the “bow tie wearing, gunna get pink bellie’d” table. I suppose I could be one of those Chiefs fans that dress in all spandex and put fake arrows in your head. But that’s not “cool” that’s more “sad and depressing.”

I know, I can be one of those exercise nuts that’s always talking about my caloric intake, or my BMI, or my squats or how healthy my recent bowel movement was. I suppose that also means giving up pizza though, so let’s stick a pin in that one.

I suppose I’ll just need to find another television program to veg out on. There’s plenty left to choose from: The Wire, House of Cards or Mad Men. Or, I suppose I could spend more time with my family.