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Saturday, February 14, 2015

Chronicle Of HOPE - 6

Chronicles of hope is a post to encourage you about love,life and others....If you have a chronicle that will inspire everyone not to lose hope and show that God is ABBA MIGHTY FATHER..please send it in....Do not lose HOPE!

HOPE ONE

LOSING LOVE BUT FINDING YOUR BEARING

Hi Stella. Thought I should send my story in.

I am not married. i am 25 and 2 years ago the love of my life broke up with me.

Looking back theres no need to cuss him out or play the victim stella. I WOULDNT DATE ME THEN IF I WAS A MAN.

Dont get me wrong, i am a sweet girl. Beautifull, kind, intelligent, mature, romantic, good cook, the works. A proper Igbo girl that was trained well.‎

Now you must be wondering what the problem could possibly be? ok, i will list them out..

1. Pride.. My inability to stand down and know my place in the relationship. Forming Miss Feminist. My inability to choose my words well when speaking to my man. I came off as arogant and saucy most times.

2. I didnt present myself well to his family. do you know that even if a guy isnt interested in marrying you, his family could be your strongest allies. Men dont know what they want or whats good for them. if you get along with his mom and siblings omo, a lot can happen. I had loopholes with them.

We were madly and irrevocably in love. and despite all my craziness I am his best girlfriend coz he always said he never wants to love and cant love anyone the way he loved me. he was PERFECT. sooo good to me. yea I didnt like his night life and the fact he doesn't go to church but I believe those would have been sorted. Me gan that speaks in tounges and knows the word i am not living by example.

After breakup its easy to believe you will find someone else. for where? i have met good guys. but none provokes any emotion in me.‎

Why did I write in? a lot of people have lost great loves. and its easy to incline to the thought that "it wasnt meant to be". thats BullShit. things were done wrong. you cant put your fone in water and expect it to work. I read the single and mingles post and see hundreds of single people putting themselves out there for a chance at love. Thats BRAVERY and I love it.

I have taken time to develop and improve myself as a person. i have learnt not to react to everything. you should do so too. I know strongly that my forever love is coming and i am determined to be a humble and submissive wife. The one that gives him peace and pride. His succour. Makes sacrifices ‎ And a discerning spirit to recognise him when I see him. Much love.

XOXO

Thanks stella

The best thing that will happen to anyone is to look inside and try to correct their imperfections.everyday is a struggle to be a better person for everyone but we all know that no one is perfect.I am happy that in losing your true love,you found yourself...thats hope that all wasnt lost.

I am sending this mail to encourage the young lady(poster 2) that sent in her story on thursday(29/01/2014), that chronicle made me cry. it took me back to where am coming from and made me realise how awesome and faithful God is.

This is my paraphrased story:

I was barely 12years and my brother 4yrs when we lost the pillar in our lives, the one we called father, friend and our earthly provider.

It was from that day that I knew that life is not what we see it to be, it's far deeper than what we know. Fast forward accusations started flying and my mum was labeled a witch from that day for killing her husband.

They said she should prove her innocence by going to the village to seat on the floor for 7 days and nights to mourn her husband, the church said she won't go because she's a christian and a deaconess for that matter, she refused telling them she loved her husband and that is the last respect she can give to him, at this point the church deserted us to our fate(my dad was a dedicated christian, he was a Deacon and father of church.

He carried church members and pastor's problem like his own)my mum was broken and scared but for love and for us she stayed strong. After burial and everything her in-laws said she can go but not with us or any of my fathers property (it was at this point that the mad and Delta part of her came out) she left the village came to Benin and moved every important document to the bank, she came back to the village and reported the issue to the king, then took a lawyer (she let the world know that she legally married their son at age 20 when he had nothing, stayed with him for 13yrs and had 2 wonderful kids for him and now they want to reap where they did not sow, that it won't happen)and she went to court, of course she won them.

My dad's brother thinking he was still my dad's next of kin went to my dad's office in lagos to claim entitlement, he got the shock of his life, when they told him my mum, my brother and myself were his next of kin, and he pleaded with the company to employ him and put in my dad's position(see madness....Lmao). The management called my mum, talked to her to be careful with my dad's family because they had never seen that kind of character his brother exhibited and paid her every entitlement due without waiting for us to be 18yrs.

Fast forward.... After like 3months we no longer had family,friends or relatives (Hmmmmm life, even church that is meant to be our keeper deserted us completely) and this made us a bit unfriendly and introverts. They all thought we would become liabilities to them, that my mum won't be able to maintain the life style we were use to, and that she would always come running to them and begging for one thing or the other(as at that time my mum's salary was about 8k, See ehn we suffered, nor be small, But the devil is a lair, trust me when I say God knows his own and he rules in that affairs of men).

One day my mum called me and my brother,sat us down and in tears she talked to us(that she wanted us not only to be a family but best friends, and that she will do her best to take good care of us on behalf of my dad, but that we must now understand the new situation of things and corporate with her, she vowed that no man in life will ever see her nakedness again;she kept her vows).

It's been 15years now and I have not seen my paternal grandmother or any of his relatives ask of us,even his friends (that normally come to our house every weekend to eat banga soup and starch),I pass some on the way, and I shake my head because I know them but they can't even recognise me (what a world, anything about my paternal family is blank to me, they don't know me, but I know most of them).

In 2012 I went for an interview with the company my dad worked with(a multinational) his very good friend was a member of the interview panel, he said I should see him after the interview,I waited and we talked and we exchanged numbers, he called me up one day, that he's in Benin and I should meet him at Motel Benin plaza,mumu I carried my bag and went to meet him, only for him to tell me that I have grown into a very ripe fruit, and he will like to have an affair with me, I was shocked (this is someone that has not seen me in 12yrs) and walked away,when I got home I told my mum everything and I gave my mum his number, she called him and gave him the insult of his life.

Today my mum is a happy woman again,I am a graduate,I am running my second masters now, and my brother is an undergraduate in one of the best private university in the country. I too went to a private university (we went to private universities not because we are too rich or because we could not pass SSCE or JAMB, but because my mum wanted to keep my dad's dream alive, my dad used to say it while we were growing that non of his children will go to a public university no matter what).

In all never for once in this 15years did we beg to eat, borrow to pay school fees or lack any neccessity,all we did was corporate with my mum and manage what ever she can provide.

Some of those people that ran away then can't even afford the life that we live now for their kids (that's how people's tables turn because no man actually is the author and finisher of live, besides no man knows tomorrow)

Poster stay strong don't give in to any ungodly counsel (Runs may fail,marrying a rich man might not also be an escape root) and most importantly don't give up on life (your future and that of your siblings is very bright), pray a lot telling God that you no longer have a father because he deemed it fit to take your's and he(God) promised to be a father to the fatherless, and a husband to a widow.so your hope and focus is strictly on him and no one else( you can't kneel before God and kneel before man,it is not possible).........please I will need your contact so that I can always communicate with you and encourage you from time to time.

Stella and Bv's God reigns supreme in the affairs of Men and at the appointed time he makes all things beautiful.

Chysugar why the lies? Makari is good,it does not bleach it will only give you a glowing skin. But I used it and it gave me stretch mark but my skin glowed. My sis uses it but she didn't have stretch mark. The only problem I have with it is that it does not last long. Be ready to be buying it every 2weeks

Families that desert. One day I would send in my own story. Life indeed is full of ups and downs, like poster 2 said. But God has the final say. It's amazing how He can rewrite what ppl think is a closed chapter. Baba God may your name be praised.

God never turns his back on his people. Especially on a cry of a widow. A widow who keeps her self pure never cease to testify of God's goodness. God has been good. And with the kind of life God has granted our Mom And We. Nothing in the Universe can be worth our Obsession. It is always great to seek for the truth. Only the truth can set one free.This world is actually a small world. Poster 2. U brought back some vague memory. But it is well.

What in the world has a widow who keeps herself pure got to do with anything?

Poster 1, being submissive is not the same thing as being a mat...many Nigerian women don't understand this. Also, never go into marriage with the belief that men are like babies rather see yourself as the baby and also the Queen at the same time. Am not saying you shouldn't pamper your husband because he is still your baby in a way but the saying, "men are like babies" that I ONLY hear Nigerian women say is appalling. You the woman is the fairer and weaker sex and therefore should be getting more of the babying and not the man. Be very wise and save as if the world is coming to an end. Be very feminine and treat him right. Above all, God comes first before anyone or anything else. May God guide your future decisions.

Poster 2, your Dad did well by making you guys and your mom his next of kin. May he continue to rest in peace. God will continue to bless your lives. Your mom is a wise and hardworking woman. Keep making her proud of you.

I'm so inspired! Poster 1- I'm so happy that you are true to yourself, that's the best gift anyone would give his or herself. God would soon bless you with an amazing guy that would compliment you perfectly! Believe me it can only get better. Poster 2- I just feel like hugging you and you supermom real tight! There is nothing like woman gainfully employed, or having a good business to keep body and mind together. I'm so happy that you guys went through this journey together not only as a family but also as friends!!!! I'm so inspired really, and for martial tinzzz just check out as to how God would bless you with a wonderful man. Just keep making your mom happy and keep being a good girl! Thank you Stella sugar, believe me it must all end in PRAISE!!!!!!!

Poster 2. God bless you. May His Grace continue upon your life. Many could have derailed and lost focus of God thru those many painful years. But you stayed strong and today you can truly counsel those going thru what you went thru. God bless you.

@poster1 : that God you realise your mistakes on time.We have so many single ladies bcos some lack manners, talk any how, enter in a relationship 4 d wrong reasons and so many oda tins.Don't you worry poster, love will find you.@poster2 : am so happy for you. Your mom is so so wise.....That's y is advisable 4 a woman 2 work or engage in a business wen married. May God continue 2 protect ur family frm d evil ones.I learnt a lesson frm ur story.

Hope 1,It is well,A friend of mine wud av nothing to do wit her motherInLaw coz (noone understands). Her "prince charming" was cheering her on and she felt on top if the world. She would often say "i have kids, my hubby loves me, nothing cud go wrong". My dear ladies, prince charming impregnated another lady and gues what!Not only did the lady birth twins(boys) the inlaws are celebrating her like kilode. Darling prince charming hardly comes home.She has a choice, she cud stay or leave but prince charming spoils his kids like mad and he still spoils her with money.She kon ask me, wetin she go do because she don baleje.Abeg if you ask me na who I go kon ask

Poster 2: reading ur story brought tears to my eyes cos I also remember where am coming from. I lost my dad @ d age of 10 in 1996, it was easy cos we suffered hawking different things from pure water to yam. But God kept me and didn't left go. Now am a proud graduate to my mum. Just waiting 4 God to bless me wit a good job/business and a good husband.Ur story gave me hope once moreThank you

Yea poster 2 ur story reminds mii of moi tho God blessed mii n siblings with uncles and aunts that provided most if not all our needs but u knw u cant demand d way u will ask frm ur father. ..im a graduate nw wif my younger ones all in the university nw believing God for a goos job so as to help my uncles too cause they ve tried

1st Chronicle posterAwwwww...E-hugs bae..i love u already...I used to be like u before ooo buh God worked on my case and is still working.Forget the feminist thing ooo..if u are nt humble,and submissive..u can't last in marriage. A woman is supposed to be calm,lovable and tender...Men are like babies ooo buh if u are quick to anger with an acidic mouth,u will only re-awaken the monster in them.,..Marriage is sweet,very sweet if u have ur hubby's mumu button...No man wants a tigress for a wife.

Yes u have to be strong-willed too when u are single so u can differentiate d chaff frm the wheat..If not,u will keep opening ur legs for the wrong men...

Once MR RIGHT comes,make it WORK!!! ..there are good men...Yes they exist.Am a testimony.

Poster 1 no do mumu enter another relationship. Be submissively firm ok. If you do Naija woman mumu enter marriage with the wrong guy, you will see your spinal cord. Submissively firm is the name of the game and,no you were not a feminist. True Feminists know how to handle a man. You were juse young and had strong head. And yes that man was not yours. A man that is yours might go away but he will come back.

Poster 2, kai ur story is touching, I thank God for you mom, she is indeed a woman of substance. I can't relate your story to mine somehow, my father died 1984, my mom was 23 or 24yrs when he died, my father's elder brother, who is our uncle collected everything, they scraped my mom's hair, my uncle wanted to sleep with my mom, which she rejected, my uncle's wife came out openly to laugh at my mom, she told my mom that her crown has fallen, the man that is making her head swell, has died ( my dad), that she will be alive to see my mom beg with her wrapper in the market place. At least they released us to our mother,(4 children), we left with nothing, my mother struggled to provide for us, in short the story is long jare, my mom is in Denmark, immediate younger bro is doing well, my last bro is in Belarus schooling , it is story for another day. I thank almighty God for his love and kindness in my life, make una no vex for my long espistle and the long typing

Poster1 I totally understand u,am 30 and not married but do u know,I always tell my friends &anyone who cares to listen that God knows why he allowed be be unmarried @dis age becos over d years I have grown more matured and learn to be a lady /wife to whosoever I will settle down with and books like The Lady,Her Lover&Her Lord by T.D Jakes has inspired me a lot and has made me realize the mistakes I made in the past and I bet u those mistakes wouldn't have been good for marriage, naaahhhhh! God is awesome and has a way of checkmating our excesses. Poster2 ur story brought tears to my eyes. I hail ur mumc, she's a strong woman with the grace of God radiating all over her, she's a great example/hope to many women out there . God bless u and ur bro who stood by her and remained good kids. As for her inlaws they will answer to God because God doesn't joke with the widows,fatherless or motherless. @Poster1&2 May God bless u both greatly. 😘😘

Poster 1: As I read ur chronicle, I just quickly called my fiancee's mum to gist with her o LoL, u just made me realise dat family is everything o, if ur husband family don't like you ehn, dat means there is problem. Thank God for my upbringing,I made sure my fiancee's family likes me, even if they say I am doing oversabi, I know where to draw the line and we all respect each other and I don't need anyone to tell me my fiancee family like me, I know they do, especially his Dad and Mum.

Poster 1 and Chysugar,You are so right. I believe many of us need to work on our attitude and the way we come off to men and to people in general.In my past relationships, I wanted to be d one to win every argument and as I matured, I came to realise that as women, sometimes we have to stoop to conquer.

When a man loves a woman. ..nobody can stop them from being together. My brother married his wife despite the initial reservations from my mom and my dad. My parents got to love her because of that and also had more respect for Churxy.

I love her because she was not doing eye service .

Work on yourself all you want but that won't change that he doesn't love you or ever loved you.

When a man loves you and you are compatible, you will balance each other out. He will handle your pride so well that you will not remember you have pride.

Why should she vow that no man will ever see her nakedness again? Is it a crime to remarry? African mentality that enslaves women....marriage is for companionship and no woman should suffer loneliness to prove to people you are a good woman....if it was your mum that died the man will remarry soonest.....nothing wrong in a woman remarrying even if u have kids....marriage is companionship....

Thank you Stewie......men are like babies, u must be this, u must be that only to please Nigerian men....God asked men to love their wives, but allot of African men believe the woman should do all the loving and sacrifice no matter how you treat her.....my hubby of how many years is saying he wants a divorce cos am stubborn, not submissive, do not show love cos I did not support certain things he wanted......yet I have had to endure serial cheating, high handedness, nagging, expecting me to be perfect at all times and al sorts in the name of being a good wife....he believes he can get away with any behavior cos he is a man, yet the woman must be patient at all times and submissive...where do u draw the line with me asking to be treated with respect and saying I am trying to be a man or compete cos I ask to be treated in a certain way? Marriage takes two people to work at it.....but we Africans have succeeded in giving all the roles to the woman...a marriage cannot work if both parties do not recognize they have problems and need to work on themselves....both husband and wife need to work on their attitude and character in marriage....I have begged and asked for him to give the marriage a second chance even despite his current affair which he flaunts in my face...while I agree I can still work on myself I will not totally take the blame for the breakdown if at all any eventual divorce... A man is the head of the home and should be respected but when he refuses to even acknowledge he also needs to work on himself to change certain things that hurts the wife then you begin to see that authority challenged....

Lessons of P2, have few kids pple even if all are the ame sex so you can take care in case of any eventualities. Be gainfully employed ladies. Beg Oga to write his will even though you guys are young and lastly church Folks are not dependable oo they run faster from responsibilities than strangers oo look only to God tnx.

Well said anon 5:22. Marriage is a life time of sacrifice, and that are two ingredients that make it work wonders: GOD and communication. In marriage men equate respect as love, while for women love is attention. . . being self righteous or holier-than-thou in marriage is delusional and it breeds myopic and self centerd views. Both parties must always make the effort, understand each other's temprament and keep PRIDE far away from your home.