Monday Watch List: Stop The Countrysanity!

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Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you bust out the egg nog. I finally had my first glass last night and it turned out to be spoiled. You know what a letdown that is? Horrible. LET’S GO!

AMERICAN COUNTRY AWARDS – 8:00PM (FOX) All right, I’m through joking around about this. The country music award show circuit must be stopped at all costs. I used to joke about there being a country music awards show on every week, but it’s literally true! They just had one on freakin’ Friday! Can’t America get a break for more than three days? These aren’t award shows. This is just one long televised tour, for crying out loud. There’s the CMT Awards, the Academy of Country Music Awards, CMT’s Artists of the Year Awards, the CMA awards, Uncle Jimbob’s Old Time Singin’ And Shootin’ Jamboree, and now this. That’s not even counting awards for REAL music, like the Grammys, that also are nice enough to include country. HOW MANY TROPHIES WILL BE ENOUGH FOR YOU, BRAD PAISLEY? WHEN WILL YOUR INSATIABLE THIRST FOR RECOGNITION FINALLY BE QUENCHED?! Anyway, this new awards show features Toby Keith, Rascall Flatts, Reba, Blake Shelton, Uncle Kracker, and ventriloquist Jeff Dunham, who will no doubt bust out the Osama puppet to many hee haws. Hosted by Trace Adkins. ANTICIPATION: OVERLOAD!

THE WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME – 9:00PM (Discovery Health) This new show profiles people who have been through traumatic ordeals. Tonight’s episode features a woman who was kidnapped and terrorized for five days, and a woman who had her leg amputated without anesthesia. Kind of more severe than the worst thing that ever happened to me, which was when the Wendy’s drive-thru guy put mayo on my sandwich. Sure, it’s not the same as having your leg sawed off. But it’s darn close, if you ask me. ANTICIPATION: TERRIBLE!

JAMES PATTERSON’S SUNDAY’S AT TIFFANY’S – 9:00PM (Lifetime)Alyssa Milano stars in this TV movie about an engaged businesswoman whose imaginary friend from childhood returns and turns out to be real(?) and possibly her true love. It’s just like “Drop Dead Fred,” only Truman Capote will sue. ANTICIPATION: BAFFLING!

TRUE LIFE: I CAN’T HAVE SEX – 10:00PM (MTV) Three girls suffer from conditions that make having intercourse unbearable. Oh, so they’re all married. ZING! No “Real World” hot tub for them. ANTICIPATION: UNSEXY!