My Twitter Account Reads Like a Dysfunctional Food Network Show

They say you should write what you know, which is why I never write about math, sex, or spelling “camouflage” right on the first try.

And even though my Food Network show would just be me sitting on the couch watching Food Network, it’s been brought to my attention from myself that I tweet a lot about food — eating it, pretty much daily trips to go buy it, and wearing it more than I care to admit.

So I decided to share a few of the highlights from the past couple of months, you know, in case Food Network is reading or something…

1. Rage against the machine.2. Check to make sure machine is plugged in.3. Apologize to the toaster for the misunderstanding.

I too, get slightly annoyed when I see actors in movies order food and then not eat it. Especially in Gilmore Girls when they are “constantly eating” but Rory is always getting up and leaving after taking only one bite.

I visited America this year and headed to Walmart as it is the brunt of so many jokes and had to experience one for myself. It was everything I had hoped for. They have checkout chicks that would be ideal for zombie movies. Does anyone retire in the USA?

Totally and completely the 2nd best thing I’ve read all week (sorry, 1st best goes to this line from THE RENEGADE HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES: “The sexual repression that was so central to Victorian ideology…was often stunningly absent from prostitutes’ minds… When the census was taken in Sweetwater, Texas, … Libby “Squirrel Tooth Alice” Thompson, unabashedly listed her occupation as “one who diddles and squirms in the dark.”) Best first lines and best twitter feed. You have a new follower! 😂

Man i agree mainly the food network production is a form healthy choice television that should or suppose education people who watches the show to encourage, others to eat healthier and to choose appropriate condiments on what families must have for dinner and so on.

Yeah…unfortunately we’re all now people on the fast lane full of fast foods..the food show networks appeal to everyone but not too many of them have the luxury to really get in too deep with the cooking amd stuff

This is the most amazing thing I have read in a good while. I feel you on screaming in front of a self checkout kiosk. But my biggest issue is when I use the hand-held wands to scan the items while I walk around the store and it decides to malfunction and delete every item I’ve scanned and now my only option is to either start again or go explain to a cashier that the little machine that was made to replace him is not working and now I need him to check me out of the store…… Food shopping woes.

Hoot! My favorite? The bit about “there’s no unexpected item in the bagging area.” I can relate. Give me human checker every time. At least I can have a conversation, even it its only about the weather.