Yeah, I'll tell him. I'll ask him if he'd be willing to do bloodwork for a baseline so that as he continues to follow the process he can see the positive changes. Especially if he ends up with high blood pressure, high cholesterol or pre-diabetic. And I know our doctor well enough to know she'd support my dietary changes (she supports my decision to go Primal and dabbles in the Paleo world herself, but as a runner doesn't stick to it - even though I think it would improve her running;) ) But, he always wants to go to the PA at the clinic b/c he doesn't really like our doctor - says she's there more for social time than 'work' time b/c she'll ask a couple of questions, diagnose and then sit and chat for the next 10 minutes. whatev... that's what I like about her. She's personable. :)

02-08-2013, 06:16 AM

June68

Hi Jenn,

I've given some thought to your issue with Brad and why he might not be joining you in an effort to be healthy. Please don't take any of this as a slight on you. Clearly you are doing your best, have great ideas, energy and action. There are so many more demands on you and your time than I have that I can't even imagine being in your five-fingers.

That being said, one thing I have noticed about people is that they are funny about complexity. If something is a fun hobby or an interesting job, they welcome complexity. The more the better sometimes if only to keep some air of mystery about what they do for outsiders. Complexity in things they don't think are fun or interesting is usually met with resistance. My reading of your journal tells me that you've made changing your diet complicated. You have many books. Rules. Gadgets. Recipes. Stress over your son's behavior. Your weight goes up and down. If I were Brad, I wouldn't invite that into my life either. It's intimidating.

I think that applies double for a diet. Dieting is alien to men unless they're athletes. Training regimens are acceptable and when I met my husband he had one. He ate a bodybuilder's diet and didn't consider it weird. Before that he was a runner and ate for that. Men don't usually diet to lose weight, they diet to train. Women pretty much approach dieting as a normal part of their lives. We practically learn calorie counting in our cradles. We automatically choose the low-cal, low-fat variety of anything while men mostly don't. We refuse dessert, second helpings and extra toppings. To restrict what they eat is foreign to men, while for us it's natural. From where I'm sitting, if I were Brad, I'd see your diet as just another one of the many he's watched you try since he's known you. It's a woman thing. Because he doesn't seem to be an athlete, it's not something he can compartmentalize in his world or apply to himself.

Another issue is that a fat man still has value while a fat woman has none. In his life nothing bad happens to him because he's 300+ pounds. There are plenty of fat men on TV and elsewhere in public life. Yes, body issues exist for men, too, but not nearly so much as for women who are first and foremost valued for their looks. Men can be fat, balding, have bad teeth, gray hair and wrinkles and will still be a tv presenter. A woman has no such leeway. So I think he feels safe as he is. Accepted. Valued. Being that he's relatively young, major health issues aren't a problem, but you've listed some minor ones which unfortunately can be "solved" by taking a pill. At least in his eyes.

So what to do?

I know it's going to sound like I'm being patronizing or that I don't understand the whirling vortex that is your life, but I'll say it anyway.

Relax.

Stress about the stuff that really needs to be stressed over - money, job, kids, bills.

Let the rest of it go. The meals, the food, the housework, the scale. Take the complexity and stress out of changing the way you eat and as many other things as you can. So people leave socks on the floor, so what? It's not like the roof is falling in.
Maybe try to find something athletic you can do together. Something he will have to work to accomplish and shift his eating to further his athletic performance. That one might be a stretch. My hubby is a natural athlete and has always connected the dots between performance and food. Regardless of what Brad believes though, the dots do connect and maybe putting that into an athletic context will help him out. Of course body-builders/power lifters/sprinters need to eat a certain way, it's obvious. At least to men with athletic leanings.

Anyway...I'm rambling now, but that's my take. I know you're worried about his health, but [B]he isn't[/B] and until he is I doubt he'll do anything to change. It may take something major, but maybe if he sees that this diet isn't really a "diet" and that it isn't complicated and stressful, he'll think about it differently. Maybe if he has an athletic goal he'd like to reach, he'll approach what he eats differently. Either way, he has to come to it willingly and enthusiastically, otherwise it's just drudgery, and who wants that?

Sorry that was so long. Hopefully it helps. Keep on keeping on. You're a determined person and I'm sure that you'll find success for yourself.

02-08-2013, 06:19 AM

Sabine

June68, you are wise.

02-08-2013, 07:54 AM

jenn26point2

June, accept everything you say. You're right. My mind is complicated, therefore everything in my life is complicated. But, I don't share those complications with him. I haven't shared with him any of my weight flucutations. He has no idea where I am weight wise - he just knows that overall, I'm losing. He doesn't know about the LCHF design I'm following (no one IRL does, actually), he only knows that I'm following a Primal design. This stuff is complicated which is exactly why I don't share it. I don't want to have to explain it every 20 minutes, so I keep it to myself.

He's not an athlete, but he'll tell you that being a race car driver is athletic (sure, it might push the heart rate and it might be hard to maintain control of a 3000 pound car going in a circle at 90 miles an hour in mud, but... he does it once a week, for 5 minutes at a time (he has two races a night, so 10 minutes of "strenous activity a week). If I went to the gym once a week, I wouldn't consider myself an athlete. But, that's my take...

He spends every free minute working on his race car, so I don't think he'll have "time" for any athletic endeavors. The kids and I have asked him to take walks with us and he's usually got something else to do that takes precidence.

And I'm ok with that... he can do what he wants. I just really wish he'd consider his health a little bit more than he does - if not for him then for his kids.

02-08-2013, 07:56 AM

canio6

Okay, this may sound like an odd questions but wouldn't weighing less make his car go faster? It has to take hp away from speed to carry around more weight. Perhaps you could sell it to him that way.

02-08-2013, 07:59 AM

June68

I agree that racing is athletic - I've been on the track both in cars and on motorcycles, so I know what you mean. And yeah, power to weight ratio is wicked important.

[QUOTE=canio6;1088011]Okay, this may sound like an odd questions but wouldn't weighing less make his car go faster? It has to take hp away from speed to carry around more weight. Perhaps you could sell it to him that way.[/QUOTE]

We've tried that... his dad once took a bunch of weight out of the car through structural changes (17 lbs to be exact) and he challenged Brad to ALSO find 17 lbs to take out of the car... he made it to 9 before he stopped trying.

02-08-2013, 08:02 AM

canio6

[QUOTE=jenn26point2;1088021]We've tried that... his dad once took a bunch of weight out of the car through structural changes (17 lbs to be exact) and he challenged Brad to ALSO find 17 lbs to take out of the car... he made it to 9 before he stopped trying.[/QUOTE]

Well, damn. That stinks :(

02-08-2013, 08:06 AM

geostump

[QUOTE=canio6;1088011]Okay, this may sound like an odd questions but wouldn't weighing less make his car go faster? It has to take hp away from speed to carry around more weight. Perhaps you could sell it to him that way.[/QUOTE]

This is a good point. There is technically one "fat" race care driver and that guy is Tony Stewart. Most drivers(at least the big time drivers) spend hours in the gym making sure they are at optimum health. Look at Mark Martin. For a man who is over 50, he has an AMAZING body.

02-08-2013, 08:08 AM

canio6

[QUOTE=geostump;1088032]This is a good point. There is technically one "fat" race care driver and that guy is Tony Stewart. Most drivers(at least the big time drivers) spend hours in the gym making sure they are at optimum health. Look at Mark Martin. For a man who is over 50, he has an AMAZING body.[/QUOTE]

Well, the only driver I 'know' is Danica Patrick and I have no idea if she can drive. That said, yeah, her body is pretty amazing. ;)