Why FetLife?

A couple of people have complained about me moving my more sexual essays to FetLife. They don’t want to start a new account, they don’t like the ads, they don’t want to potentially get messages from skeevy people. All of which are valid complaints.

The answer is, “Then don’t read.” I’m not trying to advertise FetLife or anything, but the essays I’m writing there are of a different quality.

Let me explain: the essays I write for this blog here are polished for public consumption. I spend a bit of time on not just the content, but on how it’ll be perceived, making sure that they’re good enough that if a stranger who loathed me read it (which is pretty much a given) that my meaning would still be clear. I check them for clarity and correctness. When I fail to be clear (as I have with the Gay In YA post, which I’m still considering), it bothers me considerably.

There’s a lot of time and effort put into the posts here. Because I am, fundamentally, writing for an audience.

FetLife essays, however, are where I’m tracking an increasingly changing sexual landscape, where I’m not quite sure what I’m doing. I’m starting to experiment with dominance, with being more open about my sexuality (not just reciting what I’m doing in a humorous way, as I’ve always done, but actually acknowledging the turn-on). I’m opening up new territories.

That’s fucking difficult enough to do by itself, let alone without having a bunch of strangers walking in and going, “Hey, why don’t you stick to movie reviews?” or “That’s a sick thought, you shouldn’t have it” or “Me and my seventy friends over here have analyzed your desires and we’re all having a coffee klatch about what’s wrong with you.”

I’m not excusing myself from the idea of being politically correct, mind you – but as Poppy Brite said, “I’m still figuring it out for myself, and I’d like to be able to chronicle these things without feeling guilty about it.” It’s easier to write about such things in a place that’s specifically designed for exploring such areas.

And you don’t have to read it. I’ve been asked to remind the people who don’t read FetLife a whole lot when I’ve updated, so they can go look. This is not me taunting you, this is me reacting in response to some people’s requests. And I’m happy to put up breadcrumbs.

I’m not saying you can’t come view it. You can. Come get an account, friend me – I’m a friend-slut, I just want to know who you are – but what I’m doing over there is, at its core, very different from what I’m doing here. It’s a smaller stage for a different audience, and purchasing the tickets is cheap…

…But just realize it’s a different venue. I’m learning. I’m going to make more mistakes as I learn more lessons. And it’s my right not to want to broadcast those mistakes to an indifferent crowd.