Pages

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Husband's Great Offense

Afternoon Readers,

Before I got married, I should've sized Husband up better. All I kept thinking was, "Oh, he's soooo good looking. Has everyone seen how good looking he is?" I'd walk up to people on the street, shove a picture of him, in their face and yell, "Have you seen who I'm marrying? Isn't he gorgeous? Hey, gimme that picture back, homeless lady!..and I'll buy one of those bananas." But, you see, Readers, I was fooled into thinking he was sweet. And if a certain someone is reading this, a certain someone should be advised I may eat his dinner, before he gets home. Mmmm...second dinner.
As I'd been petitioned several times, yesterday, I waddled to the Redbox and brought home Paranormal Activity 3. Not having been in a scary movie mode, lately, I thought myself very sweet for procuring Husband's request, and even buying several packages of candy for..um...us...me..both of us.

*Fast forward to the end of the movie and an extremely freaked out Paige.*

Me: Well, I think I'll call it a night and go hide under my covers now.

Husband: I'm right behind you.

Me: I'd rather you be in front.

Husband: Why, because I just heard something in the hallway and the kids are already asleep?

Me: Just because..

Husband: Because I do stuff like...this?

*Que Husband dragging me, by the hand, to the dark bathroom, trying to shut the door, and shouting "Bloody Mary," three times into the mirror before I karate chopped him in the shoulder blades and ran screaming down the hallway. How the twins didn't wake up is beyond me.

Me: Why did you do that?

Husband: Because, you're fun to scare.

Me: Go scare other people.

Husband: I don't want to scare other people, just you.

Me: You do realize the trauma you just inflicted left our growing baby with only eight toes.

The rest of the night consisted of Husband sitting bolt upright in bed, saying, "Did you hear that?"

No, I didn't. I was trying to think of ways I'd be able to use your body to block attacks from intruders...