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LONG BLOG

I've recently realized that there are about 50 billion shows about doctors on TV, none of which are good as far as I can tell. I've never liked Scrubs, I could never get into House, and I've never even seen Grey Anatomy but it probably sucks too. Not to mention all the stupid reality doctor shows, like Dr. Oz, who, aside from being a douchebag who promotes superstitious nonsense like Reiki, also kind of looks like a pedophile to me.

Still, being the Capitalist that I am, I somehow feel the urge to capitalize on peoples' strange desires to watch terrible doctor shows, similar to how fast food restaurants capitalized on the "obesity" scare by adding salads to their menus. That's why I've decided to write my own doctor show. My show will have an advantage over most doctor shows, since mine will actually be good.

My show takes place in an alternate universe where people are anthropomorphic soda bottles. The show is called Dr. Pepper's Anatomy House, and revolves around the main character, Dr. Pepper, and his crazy but lovable assistant, Mr. Pibb, as they try to cure sick patients by often using unorthodox methods that end up working in the end.

The dialogue between the characters would often consist of Mr. Pibb doubting some of Dr. Pepper's methods, while still believing in him in the end. So Mr. Pibb might say something like "I don't know... Are you sure about this, Dr. Pepper?" To which Dr. Pepper would reply "I know I'm doing, Pibb. I'm the one who graduated from Doctor School, aren't I?" By the way, Medical School is called Doctor School in the Dr. Pepper's Anatomy House universe, because Doctor School sounds funnier to me.

For sweeps they'd do a two part episode called "Mr. Pepper and Dr. Pibb?", where Dr. Pepper loses his medical license and Mr. Pibb becomes the new head doctor somehow. Part 2 would open with a serious voice saying "Previously on Dr. Pepper's Anatomy House...", and then they'd cut to a clip from the previous episode of Dr. Pepper saying "What do you mean you're taking my license? That Sprite is going to go flat if it doesn't get a carbon transplant soon, and I'm the only one who can do it!" Then you see another guy saying "I'm sorry, Pepper. The state has decided that your methods are too unorthodox. You're too much of a risk." This episode would feature a comical moment where Pibb responds to Pepper's criticism by saying "I know what I'm doing, Pepper. I'm the one who graduated from Doctor School, aren't I?" This, of course, being a reference to Pepper always saying that to Pibb that long time viewers will enjoy.

In the end, none of Pibb's 'by the books' methods seem to work, and it's only Pepper's unorthodox methods that are able to save the Sprite. This of course leads to Pepper getting back his medical license, and Pibb going back to being his lovable assistant, and everything pretty much goes back to the way it was, as so often happens in television.

By the way, I don't know how to patent things, so I need everyone to promise to not steal this idea until I've made millions of dollars off of it.