Thursday, July 23, 2009

Slay the Dragonkiller and Win the Courtship of the Princess

My little brother Scutum is growing up so fast and strong. I’ve been spending a lot of time with him teaching him how to fish and stuff. He’s shown uncanny instincts during intense combats, but he’s having trouble grasping the concept of Flash of Light ability.

Scutum: Jong, can you help me with this quest?

Jong: Which one? Link it to me.

S:[Sons of Hellscream: Rites of Passage]

Slay the Dragonkiller and win the courtship of the Princess

Description

Prove yourself as a righteous descendent of Hellscream with fierce display of strength and trophies of irresistible charm.

Travel to Blade’s Edge Mountain and challenge the Dragonkiller to a Greco-Roman style wrestling match. Beat the living crap out of him and take his head off.

Then seek out Lindsay Lohan, the Princess of California Rolls. Dazzle her with the scent of manhood, swoon her heart and make passionate love to her.

J: Oh, I remember this one. I want you to do this by yourself. It’s soloable.

I took Scutum to Gruul’s Lair and waited for him outside. “Go on Scut, you can do it.” My eyes welled up watching my kid brother nervously stalk into the cave… he’s a big boy now… daddy would have been so proud of him.

GRRRRRRRR GROAAAAR!

Flocks of perched dragons flew off as the cries of Gruul thundered through the valley.

I paced back and forth-- my heart was pounding too fast to stand still. I clenched the sword tight until my knuckles turned bone white. Terrible thoughts crossed my mind and I had to assure myself to resist charging into the lair. “Blood of Grom Hellscream flows through his heart; he’ll be fine.”

Moments of unnerving silence passed… and there he was, my kid brother, emerging out of the dark lair with the biggest smile on his face!

J: Scutum!

S: Jong! Jong! I done it! I win!

J:Yeah? How did it go?

S: Well, first I tried to swoon him and win his courtship with my Pierce Brosnan charm, but he denied me. So I grabbed him by his horn, popped Blood Fury, and made passionate love to him. He’s over there in the corner whimpering with his face buried in his knees. High King Maulgar is trying to comfort him. I feel kinda bad.