One step back

Three steps forward, one step back. That seems to be my rule of progress, especially with regard to change.

Yesterday I got home early evening, rather exhausted. I’d worked the night shift, then attended a work-related symposium all day. While at work, my daughter had called. Sure enough, she still was pursuing her tongue piercing. Things were a bit crazy, and despite knowing better, I lost it on the phone and was rather hysterical. I did NOT want her to get her tongue pierced.

In a nasty spiral of emotion, she was furious at my lack of self-control and refusal to listen, so she went ahead. Apparently minors can get a piercing without parental consent. She didn’t tell me, but when I got home yesterday evening, I knew she had done it. Luckily it went without complications.

It was terribly upsetting. We had a long talk, about what went wrong in our communication and how the situation had escalated. Earlier in the afternoon, I had discussed the necessity of crises with a work colleague during one of the breaks. I am a staunch supporter of the theory that we grow through crisis and conflict, but when I’m in the middle of it, it doesn’t feel good.

A couple of hours later, my daughter had gone out and I had calmed down. Depite the upsetting nauseous feeling in my stomach, it’s hard to be crazy for long, as the daily catastrophes in the world around me put it into a different perspective.

My daughter went and did something without my consent. I see the necessity for better communication and more structure and boundaries. We are in the process of change, but things will backfire now and then until we get more routine.

Life goes on. This episode demonstrates once again that I don’t have everything under control. Nor do I know what to do. Should I make her remove it? I’m not sure. My emotions are in such a whirl, it’s hard to think straight — which has never been one of my strong abilities to begin with.

Anybody have experience with this? I’d very much appreciate hearing from you — whether mother or daughter.