Friday, July 30, 2010

This was an actual phone conversation but I didn't feel like thinking of a witty, subject encompassing title so here is where I placed it.

Him: When do you have time off work again?

Me: I work a full-time 9-5 I'd have to request time off.

Him: I want to know what I have to do to get you to take time off and meet me in the D.R. next week. I can get you your own room or I can sleep on the cot in my room.

Me: That's not happening anytime soon. How bout we work on getting to know each other over the phone for a couple of months and see what happens.

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I met a guy in Miami a couple of weeks ago and we've had intermittent contact since. I was planning on friend zoning him since I decided after last years ma-lay that I wouldn't part take in long distance anything. I won't ask you what he thought would happen by offering international trips because I can break it down for you:

He's in the entertainment business so he thought I would be impressed. (Side-note: If he'd said anywhere in Europe I might have considered saying yes. I kid. I kid.) Anyway this brings up a subject that we Cereal Daters have addressed before but I figured I'd make a note for myself to fully detail later. I'm thinking of titling it "You can catch more bee's with honey and more hoe's with flights." Corny, right. I'll work on it this weekend. His proposition totally turned me off especially considering we've had a conversation about women only wanting him because of who he knows in the business.

Really? You don't know why you only attract groupies. I'll break it down for you next week, until then I'll let you marinate on this snippet.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

If you follow me on twitter then you have no doubt been witness to the my behavior when dealing with men who catch me off guard, men who I have an immediate attraction to and any man that my brain tells my conscious is appealing. When I am aware of a man’s appeal, I turn into a 16 year old girl. Not stiletto wearing (their shoe game puts mine to shame), sexually active, foul mouth sixteen year old of today’s society. The old school one we think of before Britney Spears ruined the image of an innocent girl in a white collared shirt, plaid tennis skirt and cute glasses.

The purpose of this letter is to hold myself accountable for this type of action. I have said several times that my coward behavior needed to change but have yet to set this declaration into motion. Well this is it. Yesterday I wanted to Chris Brown myself. Dramatic I know but I want to bring you into the inner workings of my sick mind. I’m walking out of the gym after a quick midnight run I notice two gentlemen approaching the entrance as I’m exiting. The tall one is somewhat attractive and eyeing me down so I encourage myself not to tense up when I walk by. I can get really clumsy when I’m focusing on not making a spectacle of myself. What do you think I do first in this situation? If you know me at all then you know the answer: I immediately avoid the possibility of eye contact and turn my head.

[insert shaking my damn head]

Then as I’m passing the duo, I hear the tall one who’s closest to me say ‘Hello.’ Seeing as I hadn’t completely passed them yet, I notice that he has stopped dead in his tracks awaiting my response. ‘’

Here is my immediate chain of thoughts:

“Okay Silent don’t mess this up. He’s cute and doesn’t mind that your hair is a mess, clothes don’t match and tennis shoes are well …. let’s just say I’ve had them for 6 years and have raced several 5 and 10k’s throughout LA in them. But he may just be being friendly so stop over thinking and respond. Shit Silent speak you’re about to pass them by!”

My response: “Hi” (read in the voice of a 16 year old girl who has a crush on the star football player who she didn’t even know she existed.)

Dear Silent,

Your brain has put your subconscious on probation. If this ish happens again your mouth will purposely say the first thing that comes to mind. You need to man up and grow out of that ish. You’re messing it up for the rest of us organs who dwell inside you, mainly your heart. Get that ish together. Let go and let it flow.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Yesterday's post reminded me about all of the inconsistent standards and requirements people have for their potential mate. Men don't want women with too much mileage when they are admittedly chopping down more women than Weezy F Baby. Men want women who are built like Nicki Minaj while they look like Rick Ross and their only work out includes picking up donuts and inserting into their mouths on a daily. (Post about this coming soon.) They want a young version of the model/mogul Tyra while their asses have bill collectors stored in their phones under 'I Aint Gotcha Money." The question I want to pose is simple: Would you date yourself? This question applies to both males and females.

I think its important that we understand what we offer before we can demand something from anyone else. You can amend the question to fit every part of your life.

Would you be your friend? Some of yall less reliable than a Diddy contract.

Would you kiss yourself? If people stand at least an arm distance away from you to have a conversation, you'd have a hard time tasting your own halitosis.

The list could on for days. My point is it’s easy to create a list of potential traits we want our mates to bring to the table but we should first evaluate what, if anything, we bring. When was the last time you looked in the mirror and were able to pass your own requirements? Do you think its fair to require something of someone else that you yourself aren't even close to possessing? If you can’t write down the things you bring to the table and say you would date yourself, maybe you should make some changes to both your list (I say burn the damn list) and yourself.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Although I’m supposed to stop dissecting conversations I have with the opposite sex (self imposed hiatus,) it’salmost second nature and sometimes I can’t help it. Trying to put together subtle comments is like a puzzle I can’t put away before bedtime. I need all the pieces to fit together so I can marvel at my masterpiece. I was having a random conversation with a guy I’m not dating. If you notice I seem to have a lot of these types of conversations for one of two reasons. They catch me when I’m sitting down doing nothing and I don’t mind killing time or I actually like talking to them but know for one reason or another even though our paths aren’t destined to end with one each other.

Throughout our two-hour long conversation with said gentleman, he made a couple of statements that made me question the purpose of his phone call. First, he started off with the predictable, ‘How have you been?’ That led us into a 30 minute conversation on mostly his life. He’s a talker and I’m a really good listener. Further into the exchange (used loosely) we got into talks about future career plans and where he wants to be. Again, I listened he continued sharing.

Basically he has taken a step back from women and dating. I guess that would explain why he called me. I feel like I’m his comfort zone. He knows he can call me and I’ll listen. Three comments stood out and are the basis of this post. (Sorry I’m so long winded today, I’m trying to avoid actually working at work.)

1. He’s going to be home all weekend.2. For the 4th of July he’ll be at the park watching fireworks alone.3. He’ll be without a car so….(this isn't the same situation as Youngin. This guy is normally mobile.)

I guess at this point I was supposed to invite myself over for the upcoming weekend. Taking our history into account, I’m sure that’s what he expected. When I told him goodnight without doing so, he sounded a bit confused. I don’t want to go backwards in dating. I’m moving full speed ahead without looking back.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

The summer officially began last week but I knew at that point that this relationship I was building wasn't going to make it past June gloom. The summer fling, can I call it that considering we were never sexual, with Youngin is over. I know the sun hasn't even made an appearance yet but I’m just not at a point in my life where I can't spend my precious (no Gabby) time frolicking with a man I have no future with. It’s funny, when we hung out Sunday and he kept asking me to change my music, all I could think about is how much fun I’d be having if he wasn’t there. Each time he kissed my cheek, I thought about how I was going to finish my book ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ when we parted. I knew at that moment that it was the last time I was going to see him.

I tried to give us time for something to develop but it wasn’t there and I can’t do anything about that. Let me clear that up, there was some sexual tension between us, he’s such a cutie and fun to be around but that was it. We made no connection outside of that. I couldn’t see myself going out with him again and talking about nothing. The dilemma I now have is how to tell him that.

I know I should probably tell him the truth but I feel like it would hurt him more than a little white lie. As an adult, I’m supposed to tell the truth right, that’s what men want. But do they really? I just want to take the easy way out and tell him I’m pursuing a relationship with some imaginary person.

How should I let him know that I want to be platonic associates who never speak or see each other in the future? Also, do I have to call and tell him or can I just send a text message. I don’t feel a phone call is required since we only went out a few times, but I have been told otherwise.

About Me

I am young black woman in a large city trying to define myself and future. I choose to have an opinion about everything...you should too! I like having an opinion and sharing it with the world. I also choose to stand for something and making changes where I see necessary. I am full of flaws and promise that I will make several mistakes as I grow and define who I am.

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Love Live Laugh

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Choose your words, for they become actions. Understand your actions, for they become habits. Study your habits, for they become your character. Develop your character, for it becomes your destiny."

A Woman's Heart

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'