Your Blogging Staff

Contributing to this blog:
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.

A good thing there was no open flame source near this when it went off. This 'bomb' was much like a dry ice 'bomb' where gas preassure builds up till the conatiner can no longer take it. Much liks inflating a paper bag and slamming it between your fists. But unlike a dry ice bomb where the gas preassure is from carbon dioxide (safe), this Mickey-Dees bomb was the result of producing hydrogen gas under preassure. Had this extremely flammable gas ignighted, the damage would have been MUCH worse.

I remember this one time I got disrespected this badly, so I killed everybody involved and their families and pets and burned down their villages and farms and ...
Oh wait, that was Keyser Söze in The Usual Suspects.
I'm always getting us confused.
Neenarrr.

I hope you can help me with a problem. My wife of 23 years has taken to staying out all night with a gangsta-rappa named DJVanilla Meat and coming home stoned with various hickeys and an occasional rodent in her pants. I have told her how this makes me feel (bad) and asked her to consider calling when she plans to stay out late and try to empty her pants before coming to bed. In response to this, she usually kills one of my fish.

Oh, also, I got a bad milkshake at McDonald's the other day.

Hurting Because of Bad Wife and Shake

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Dear Hurting,

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back with hickeys and rodent infested pants, blame yourself and binge on chocolates. Your wife is probably looking for something you can't provide, like good sex, or interesting conversation, or a spine. Have you tried tying her up and leaving for a week?

On the McDonald's front, try leaving a chemical bomb where an innocent customer might be injured.

This story is interesting because they have been labeled as "angry men" bombing a McDonald's for a bad milkshake, right? Would anyone care if the story was about 3 stupid guys who were bored and just thought it would be funny to make a milkshake explode and make a big mess? No, right?

Well, that is what really happened. I am a family member of the accused, and I have spoken to all three AND to the McDonald's manager who was on duty at the time and guess what? There was no bad milkshake. The manager said they ordered their food, were very polite, and quietly ate their food. They wouldn't have even known they were there had it not been for the 'Earth shattering KABOOM' (to use a Marvin the Martian quote, thanks Buggs Bunny). When they ordered their food, some how they ended up with an extra milkshake (not bad in anyway). Now it would have been a much better idea to simply give back the milkshake or even throw it away. But someone got the bright idea of blowing it up. Were they angry? NO. Were they malicious? NO. Were they stupid? HELL YES. Their real crime was being ignorant young males who failed to consider the ramifications of their "prank".

Nathaniel is a decorated soldier who served in Iraq and is scheduled to go to Afghanistan in March. He is an airborne medic who was a part of the rescue mission of the Chinook helicopter that crashed last November 2. He has been shot at and had to literally sort through body parts. He knows what real bombs do first hand.

I'm not trying to excuse their lapse of good judgement. But if this story had been told as it truly happened, would it have ever made it past the Lakeland Ledger and into the AP wire and on CNN if it were just 3 stupid guys trying to blow up a milkshake just for kicks?