Saturday, August 13, 2011

Pluto, no longer a planet

So scientists now say that Pluto is no longer a planet. What a kick in the nuts for poor ol' Pluto, am I right? It makes me wonder what else they can just downgrade like that? I've taken the liberty to change the formal status of certain things myself. Please note the following changes to your daily lives, as we had to do with Pluto...

Friday is no longer a weekday, it is now part of the weekend.

Red is no longer a color, it's a number.

"The" is no longer a definite article, it's a verb.

Spoons are no longer silverware, they are now dishes.

Drums are no longer percussion instruments, they are now woodwinds.

Dogs are no longer man's best friend, they are just acquaintances.

Europe is no longer a continent, it's an ocean.

French is no longer a language, it's now gibberish.

Whales are no longer mammals, they are fish.

Roses are no longer flowers, they are weeds like dandelions.

Superman is no longer a super hero, he is just an alien.

Beef is no longer what's for dinner, it's what's for breakfast.

Apples are no longer fruit, they are now known as tree fetuses.

Skin is no longer an organ, it is now a piano.

Beer is no longer an alcoholic beverage, it's now soda.

The Navy is longer a branch of the military, it is now the coast guard.