To ask my DF for an 'advance' on my 'inheritance'

My DM died a year ago and since then my DF and me have finally begun to have a father/daughter relationship, free from the jealousy of my DM.

He helped me through a horrible divorce, lending me the money to fund a sol whilst I was waiting for the family home to be sold. When it did, I paid him back every penny - I wanted to, he accepted it.

I am renting a house which I can just about afford but I know I could live more cheaply if I buy and I do have a good deposit to put down on somewhere. But I live in a very expensive part of the country (expensive because it's trendy rather than it being particularly beautiful or cosmopolitan IYSWIM). I am in my early 50's and work full time so a mortgage will be harder to come by but I can do it.

DF is always asking if there's anything he can do to make things easier/better. I say no, I'll sort it, but the truth is I don't think I can afford a decentish home unless I ask DF for some financial help. How much I don't know, but maybe £15,00 max. He's not wealthy by any means but he and my DM were savers and he "has a lot put by" that is willed to me.

Am I a grasping DD to go to him and ask him for help? I feel like I am and I'm aware that my DM's 'legacy' is that I felt like I didn't deserve anything.

Ugh. Tough one. I personally couldn't bear to ask my parents this but I think my husband could ask his dad without fear of feeling, or looking, like a grasping mercenary type. Only you know the relationship you have with your dad well enough to have an idea whether this would go down OK. For what it's worth, I don't see that there's anything wrong in principle with asking.

I thought yabu from the title but next time he asks can he do anything, why don't you say "not really dad, I manage day to day, the only thing I can't do is buy my own house but that would require £15,000 so I'm resigned to continuing to rent"?

I've never asked for help before, always been independent, had to be. But yes, I feel like it is 'grasping' and that's why your views are so helpful. If the weight of objective opinion is IABU then I won't ask.

I wouldn't ask for it as an advance on inheritance but I would ask for help yes. He keeps offering, just talk about it with him. Hell my parents always want to help me when they can and although pride makes me want to do it alone I do accept because I know that no matter how old my children I will always want to help them rather than see them struggle.

Another vote for saying something next time he offers. As a parent I would want to know if there was something my DCs needed as perhaps I could help. Have you any siblings who would be upset by this though? Having read how wills and inheritance can split families, I would always take care to treat my DCs the same, even if their needs were different.

Well, there is no inheritance while the person is alive. At that point, it is just 'their money'.

That said - he's your dad. And it really sounds like he wants to help you. It doesn't hurt to ask him to help you. He has the choice to say no. make it clear that you know it is a HUGE favour to ask and you have no problem at all if he chooses to say no, you will understand completely.

It is wrong to believe that your parents money somehow belongs to you, that's true. But it doesn't actually read like that's your perspective, not truly.

It is not wrong to ask your family for help. As long as it is just asked, with no belief that you have the right to their money.

Might it be worth having a general conversation about how you wish you were in a position to buy? Then if he is at all encouraging, you can say how much you would need to save up. Then, if still encouraging, ask him.

Incidently when dad helped me out a couple of years ago my gran was not well, he knew she would die sooner rather than later so he gave us some money as an advance from inheritance from her (all legal, done through deed of arrangement) so when she passed my sister got the full amount, I got mine minus the money dad gave me.

My parents have done what Indiths have. Small amounts but helped my sibling. It's their money. Their choice. Doesn't bother me what they do with it. I hope they keep enough to have for their own care should they need it

I would let him know you're struggling. Tell him the facts and your fears and concerns. He will then be able to decide for himself if he can help financially. Trendy areas are expensive - what a waste if its not particularly nice. Can you look for somewhere nice where you are not paying a premium for living in a certain postcode?

However much he has put by in savings, be mindful if potential care costs in the future. My mum also had 'a lot put by' which is now dwindling towards nothing after 4 years in residential care. So I would have an open discussion with him about the whole area of finances, power of attorney etc.