Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Really?

Really?

Dear person offering to do my research for me,

Are you effing serious?

Also, eff right off.

Also, yeah, because what I do is sooooo easy. Clearly if I am having difficulties wrapping my head around diplomatics in German, you'll be able to just go on the internet with your super-cool internet research platform and your not-yet-complete undergraduate degree and do it for me.

Did I mention...

Please eff off. Now.

ETA for Cranky Professor

Dear The Author of Blogenspiel,

I am following up on an email I sent you last Monday.

My name is [redacted], and I am an undergraduate student studying English, Philosophy and Cinema Studies at the University of Toronto. I am writing to offer you on-demand research support: a high quality intellectual service exactly when you need it.

The mechanics to facilitate this are easy since I am on the [redacted] research platform. [redacted] is based in Canada and was originally developed by professors for professors as a way to connect top students with faculty to assist them with their research. The platform is now open to serve the private sector. I was invited to contact individuals for whom I would be keen to conduct research. I chose you, among others, due to your field of work. {redacted] works:

1) Visit www.[redacted].com, click “start your research,” and enter your research assignment,2) Select how long you would like the researcher to spend on your assignment (in 2-, 4-, or 6-hr increments) and how fast you need the report delivered,3) Register and pay (a 4-hr report can be as low as $69).

[Redacted] is so confident about the quality of its researchers’ work that it offers a full money-back guarantee. To see samples of the quality of work that we produce in just a few hours, please visit www.[redacted].com.[Redacted] researchers are top students from leading North American research universities who are selected and trained by professors. Many professionals spend a lot of time searching, synthesizing, and presenting information. Instead, we can do that quickly, effectively, and at minimal cost, making our clients more productive. The service is hassle free – researchers work on your assignments on demand (when you need it, without employment contracts or price negotiations).

So, if you are swamped and could use a highly motivated, high-performing student to save you time on tasks involving online research, then please let me know.

Should you have any questions, please feel free to be in touch. I am happy to contact you by phone if you prefer.

Sincerely,

[Redacted][redacted] Researcherwww.[redacted].com

I'm really tempted to send them a list of German references on diplomatics and ask them for a precis in English... I bet it takes more than 4 hours!

I keep getting this vision of some Dickensian 'research' factory somewhere in the world, where poor undergrads slog long into the night, squinting in the dim light of tallow lamps and dressed only in sacking...