Last Week's Results

Week 8 – PREVIEW

Did you know today is National Moonshine Day? Be sure you guzzle some hooch -for your country.

11am

Field #1: AT United vs. Turkey’s Nest (Shortz)

Last season, Turkey’ Nest narrowly edged out ATU, and that was with all the Turkey’s on the DL. Nowadays, the Nesters are fully healed and whooping some serious bootay (minus that time with Good Co).

I’ve heard a lot of their success stems from their weekly pre-game sing a longs in the karaoke room Disco built in his basement. I hear The Boys of Summer sing a mean “Shoop”.

As for ATU, the loss of their Drunk Tank medicine chest has made them mighty inconsistent these days. Hopefully, the trust falls they engaged in after getting 86ed last week (plus the return of wine aficionados PeteMo & Lauck), will help to put up a fight against the strong-ass Nest.

Field #2: 3 Kings vs. Brooklyn Bowl (Stache)

After 5 full seasons in the WSL, 3 Kings still had 5 teams left that they had yet to beat entering the 2014 campaign. After a dismantling of Reel2Reel earlier this year and last week’s victory over RBar, the number is down to 3. Next on the list…you got it, Brooklyn Bowl. It has been a while since these 2 teams faced off, so history really has no bearing on the game this Sunday. If memory serves, the Bowl won the last matchup 11-10 back in the 2011 season. Not exactly building any rivalries here, are we?
The Bowlers have continued the battle cry of “FIRST TEAM TO 9 WINS,” after taking Pete’s down last weekend. Touting the league’s stingiest defense, BB will have their hands full with the Kings lineup. Bowlers are surrendering less than 10 runs to their opponents and the 3Ks are scoring over 20 per contest. This one has all the makings of a great game. Will Three Kings fail to reach double digits for the first time or will Brooklyn Bowl bring out the bats for a brawl? Can 3Ks put that strike(mark) through the Bowlers name?

Spike Hill matriarch, Mike O’Malley, spent most of the the early season brewing up conspiracy theories about how the WSL was out to spoil the defending champs chances at a repeat. Well, I think I have uncovered a conspiracy of my own. Look carefully at the following photos to see the truth.

2007- Black Betty

2008- Black Betty

2009- Black Betty

2010- Black Betty

2011- Spike Hill

2011 saw a new champion arise….or did it?

2012- Black Betty

2013- Spike Hill

As the decade of darkness reigns over the WSL, we all sit back this Sunday and wait to see who won the coin flip this year. Is it Camarra’s turn or will O’Malley get the W? Does it really matter? We’re all just passengers on the big, black bus.

What was even more disturbing as I was flipping through newspapers of old softball champions, an even bigger mystery was revealed from 1932.

Field #2: Reel2Reel vs. Good Co (Shortz)

Last time we faced off was during 2013 inter-league play (aka that time R2R left me in charge), and we won by 18,000 (or 2) runs when a late game “BEER INNING” turned us around- that’s leadership!

But there are a couple of things that changed in the past year. For instance, on our side, we went from duckduck to Reel2Reel. On their side, they went from Good Co. to Good Co. plus “10”. Ah yes, with the new combination of former Logger Lady (and Mike V.‘s betrothed) 10-ifer, alongside incumbent couple Wally and Stacy, it’s like a double date every Sunday for these guys. Get a room, you four!

Regardless of all the changes, I foresee an equally intense matchup, full of intrigue, bloodshed, and figurative fires, (or real ones, if you’re a jerk).

Oh, and 10-ifer and I will be engaging in a separate battle using two big buds as our weapons. We’re still working out the rules on drinking vs. throwing them. Wasted beer is bullshit, after all.

3pm

Field #1: Crown Vic 86ers vs. Pete’s (Shortz)

These two clubs last met in the first round of the playoffs under bizarre circumstances. Left in charge, Sgt. Andre made the (brave?) move to take one of their own off the field to even the short-handed Pete’s…and it blew up in his face.

Mayor Buttah is grounded from travel this Sunday to avenge his teammate’s poor decision making skills and assured me, “they have some new peeps, but we’re playing really well.”

Woah- That was ice cold, Buttah. We’ll see if Coach Sam is just gonna take that deliberate trash talkin’. We’ll also see which team can break their 3-4 record and join the .500 club.

Field #2: Rbar vs. Soft Spot (Stryker)

It’s in-your-face brawn vs. elusive only-seen-by-few brawn in the 3 o’clock matchup this week folks. RBar looks to add to their impressive homerun total as the Yetis look to stalk quietly around, foraging for runs and outs without anyone noticing. Pizza will have to put a lot of extra cheese on his pitches if he hopes to stop the home run machine that is Bubbs and Bobby. Zak and Toolan are gonna play by the McCarren bathrooms to try and steal some deep ones from the bums. I personally think that Bubbs should just look for walks from here on out this season. I mean, c’mon, you proved your point. Both these teams are coming off losses last week and will surely be fired up for this one! The Soft Spot D will have to play hard to try and stop the RBar hobos from riding the rails to victory. Should be a good one, I’ll see ya there!

5pm

Field #1: Loggers vs. Gibson (Stache)

Something has to give here! The Loggers haven’t tasted victory since week 1 and the Gibson are still riding the longest losing streak in WSL history.

We’ve all been rooting for the Gibbys to get off the schnide this season. This week seems to be as good of an opportunity as they’re going to have. They took it on the chin last week playing shorthanded and just after flirting with victory in the 2 weeks prior. Standing in their way are the 1-6 Loggers squad, who are currently suffering through a 6 game losing streak. Brenner & Co went to the rule book last week to try to pull out a win over Reel2Reel, only to be backhanded by karma in the end. They’ll be playing without our very own New Addition Decker this week and that may work in their favor, since he won’t be there to scour the rules on his iPhone again??

Look for both teams to bring their best effort for the expected capacity crowd lining the fields! Someone has to emerge victorious on Sunday, although there are no guarantees when these these 2 squads take the field!

Field #2:Clems vs. Turkey’s Teachers (Stryker)

We’re OK!

I cant help but get nostalgic for this preview, as this match-up has very special meaning to myself and the Battleship.

It all started about 8 years ago, when a young wet behind-the-ears Stryker moved into Brooklyn. I was an eager pup looking to make my dreams come true in the big city. It was a few months after I moved in when a few hometown friends asked me to join their softball team. I was skeptical, as I had no previous baseball or softball experience, but I had nothing going on Sundays so I said sure. As a deck swabber, Coach Breeze tried me in the outfield- I sucked. He tried me in the infield- I sucked. What was he to do with me? Was this the end of my softball career?

Then one of my good friends said “Hey, I know Stryker. He’s annoying as shit (as most of you have found out). I bet he would make a great pitcher!”

So, I read up on the league rules and started to develop some different pitches. I settled on the pause pitch because for some reason it upset the other teams so much. After 2 seasons, several death threats, and a league expansion, I had made somewhat of a name for myself (not in a good way). With this expansion, a new team came into the league in the form of the Teachers. Now, the Teachers took very special offense to the pause pitch and seemed to get just a bit more agitated than the rest of the league. About halfway through one of our heated battles, there was an at bat that would change my life. (Eh, it really didn’t change much, just gave this story).

After a fiery first half of the game, tempers were flaring as I went into one of the longest pauses of my career. The batter (who shall remain nameless) was visibly and verbally upset. As I released the pause, an absolute meatball flew towards the plate. The batter, (who some say aimed although I refuse to believe that) blasted a come-backer right at me. The ball struck me in the left thigh and made contact with my unprotected left nut (yes, I was young and stupid and wasn’t wearing a cup). The ball fell at my feet as the pain rose to my head. I gathered myself, collected the ball and made the play at first. There was immediate swelling and pain, but its cool. I’m tough. I can walk it off. By the next inning, my nut was just shy of tennis ball size, but I finished the game and got the W.

I went home, had many beers, and iced my crotch. After a restless night and no change to my ““situation”, I readied myself for work. On my second day of work with no change to my nether regions, my boss sent me to the doctor. As I told the Doc my story, he seemed unimpressed, as if there was nothing he hasn’t seen before. He then told me to drop ’em so he could take a look. The first words out of his mouth were “Oh my god”, something you never want to hear from a doctor. He then immediately got on the phone and told me i was going to the Nut specialist so he could have a looksy.

As I told the Nut Doctor my story, he seemed even less impressed than the last guy, for surely he has seen everything Nut related. He told me to drop ’em and the first words out of his mouth were “Oh my god.” Now I was getting a little nervous. He shot me down to the Ball Sonogram specialist (yes that does exist, they only sonogram nuts) where we would get to the bottom of the damage done. I walked in and told HER my story.

I think she yawned in the middle of it, because surely she has seen everything horrible that could happen to a nut. She told me to drop ’em and the first words out of her mouth were “OH my god.” She lubed up my sack and went to work with her magical all-seeing paddle. After about a minute, she stops and tells me she sees whats wrong. “See this line right here? That’s your left nut. It’s split in half.” My response….oh. I went under the knife, they sewed him back up to his former grand state and I felt whole again. The only problem they told me is that lefty will only be at 25% productivity. I told them it was okay, I had too much to begin with anyway.

Bygones are bygones but I assure you Battleship will never forget!! We play this one for my nut!! 1.25 do or die!!