When the stress of life gets overwhelming, I sometimes play a little mental game with myself.

If I were going to build Utopia, what would it look like?

First let me clarify: The subject of Homelessness has been on my mind a lot lately. Not the usual depiction of homelessness, that of people living on the streets, or in shelters. Those are the ones easily counted, and those that immediately come to mind. I am thinking about the Hidden Homeless: single adults and families that live in motels, in their cars, or couch surf with various friends and family while trying to sort out their lives. This group consists of people that generally have a job, but through some misfortune ended up losing their house or apartment at a time when it was difficult to obtain another place quickly. Due to their lower Middle Class income (Think a family of three or four making anywhere between $32,000 and $75,000 annually as a rough estimate), not only do they not qualify for any type of emergency aid, they often have very little of no savings to fall back on, as this group tends to live paycheck to paycheck, or alternately used up any savings they may have had on whatever misfortune caused them to lose their homes in the first place.

When creating my own little version of Utopia, I tend to start with this lower Middle Class group, also referred to as the Working Class. This is the class of Blue Collar, and lower level white collar employees that we depend on to get those critical, front line jobs done, but overlook when it comes to thinking of someone who may need assistance down the line. Although this is mostly a self sufficient group, even they realize that they are not islands unto themselves, and everybody needs a little help sometimes, even if all they want is enough time and space to comfortably get back on their feet. It is this lack of room to fix errors or make up for lost income that turns what should have only been a temporary setback into years of attempts to recover a family's life.

In my own little world, all people would be paid enough to keep pace with the cost of living. There is no reason a working person should be priced out of having a decent place to live within reasonable distance from their job. And, no, I don't consider having to live 60 miles away from your job in order to find decent, affordable housing in reasonably family friendly neighborhoods (an issue endemic to Los Angeles County) a reasonable distance. Whatever money is saved by living far away from work is immediately lost in time (over an hour each way), transportation costs (gas and maintenance on the car, or obscenely expensive bus or train passes), and physical exhaustion from the commute. I can't see where having employees worn out from from hours long commutes benefits any business.

Another option, since we are so fond of handing out tax breaks, is to offer tax breaks to property owners willing to embrace an income based rent structure. Here's how it would work: A family finds, and applies for, an apartment. Once they pass the requisite background and reference checks (for those concerned about criminal behavior), they present the owner/landlord/property management firm with recent paystubs (or tax returns for the self employed), from which the receiving party determines what the family's rent should be based on their net income, ideally no more than 1/3 or 1/4 of the total family income. The tax break would make up the difference. This would ensure that no family was spending more than 60% of their total income on housing costs (which is where quite a few families are now), it would provide for constant residency, and very low turnover for apartment owners, as well as a stable and steady income (with residents needing to provide proof of income either annually, or whenever there is a significant shift in income, such as a job loss, or total family income moves to over six figures, at which point most can afford Fair Market Rent) for the owners, and the ability of residents to build community within their neighborhoods. It is this sense of community that prevents neighborhoods from the downward slide that occurs when there are people constantly moving in and out, and neighbors no longer know each other.

The key to eliminating homelessness, in my world, anyway, would hinge upon employment for all who wanted to work, a wage that would allow for living at least adequately, help and services for those that needed them the most (not based on income, a method which leaves out that same working class), and a rent system that allows everyone to participate. The subtext of all of these changes, is respect for the work and lives of the working class people that drive the economy. They are people, not statistics, whose labor, and who are we kidding, money, contribute the most towards keeping the American way of life moving forward. The lack of respect for this group, (which led to the subsequent financial squeeze on them that ended up contributing greatly to the Great Depression), is a sad reminder that were we not so busy thumbing our collective noses at those we consider socially beneath us, while groveling for crumbs from the tables of the upper classes, we might actually stand a chance of solving some of the more pressing social issues of our time.

I know my little world will likely never happen. What I hope for is that sometime during my lifetime, our nation will come up with a more compassionate, humane way to help everyone who actually needs it. We are one of the most advanced societies on Earth, but we cannot manage to think of a better response to a dramatic increase in homeless families than subtle victim-blaming followed by suggestions that if they really wanted to change they're circumstances, they would "work harder"? We can manage to find money to support conflict in every corner of the Earth, but can never manage to come up with the money to solve internal issues (housing, education, infrastructure repair), that might actually restore America to it's place as a leader among nations. It can be done, but it would take a partnership of leaders and citizens with a will of iron to create and enforce a plan for solving our issues that would be structured enough to meet our goals, but flexible enough to adapt to changing circumstances. That is how problems get solved.

It's worth noting that in my little world, the government we elect, actually represents US. Not the groups and individuals that financed their campaigns and may have a vested interest in Utopia (or any kind of balanced society) coming to pass. The cynic in me figures that this is the real reason things never change, and permanent solutions are never found. The optimist in me wants to be proven wrong.

On October 8, 1992, at 8:04am, I gave birth to an 8lb., 4oz. baby boy. Other than immediately wondering if 8 was going to be your lucky number, I had no thought other than "How on Earth am I supposed to raise this tiny little person into an adult?" Twenty-one years, and many bumps, bruises and odd side trips later, I think I have finally come up with a hard list of things that I think are important as you move forward into the next part of your life.

1. Keep some form of spiritual grounding in your life. I started this process by bringing you to church, and whether or not you continue, I hope you remain spiritually centered. A foundation of faith, not religion, can bring a type of inner peace and strength that nothing can replace. Cultivate this.

2. Education is the gift that keeps on giving, and the one thing, once earned, that no one can ever take away. Complete the concrete steps you need to move on with your goals, and never stop learning. There is always something new to learn.

3. Ask for help when you need it. The only people that will think less of you for asking are the people that already thought less of you to begin with. Those are people you need to avoid if at all possible. Conversely...

4. If you can do it yourself, do it! Self-reliance is not a dirty word. The trick is in knowing when to do it yourself, and when to ask for help.

5. Surround yourself with people who love you and value you for who you are, not what you are, or what you can do for them. As you work towards personal and professional successes, many more people will enter your life. It is my hope that you will develop Discernment to know which relationships to nurture, and which people to allow to walk away.

6. Change is inevitable. Never fear change. Stay flexible, especially on the job. This will come in handy more often than you realize.

7. Feeling fear is normal. Wallowing in it, or allowing it to dictate your choices in life is limiting. Tempting as it is to not do things based on fear of the unknown, taking calculated risks (where you measure the possible outcomes against the size of the risk you are taking), might actually be some of the best decisions you ever make.

8. Knowledge is easy to obtain; Wisdom is not. You will gain both as you get older: Knowledge through study, application and practice; Wisdom through a painful teacher called Experience. The only people that don't gain Wisdom are people that don't want to. On that same note...

9. Proper money management is critical. I didn't learn about what credit really meant until after I turned 30, and I have paid dearly for that lack of knowledge. It is crucial that you realize there are a lot of little ways to stumble, and seriously damage your financial future. Nothing to fear, but a few things to know in order to have secure finances.

10. Failure is not the end. Look at setbacks as the opportunity to reassess your goals and methods. Then you can either try again from another angle, or go on to your next goal. The point is always to keep moving forward, even if only an inch at a time.

11. Working hard and working smart are two different things. Both are required to have a happy and successful life, and you will learn when to do each.

12. There are worse things than being alone. This goes for friendships and relationships. This also goes along with #5 above. Red flags are exactly that: an internal warning that something is not right, and from there you can make the choice to either explore it further, or leave it be. But to be in negative relationship with people that either don't really like you, or are envious of you, or are unnecessarily and overtly competitive with you is emotionally draining. In these cases, it is better to be alone than to wish you were.

13. Kindness and decency are the meat and potatoes. Intelligence is gravy. Pretty is the dessert. If she respects herself, and treats you and everyone else around her with respect, courtesy and kindness, she's a keeper. If she is smart about the things that count (her strengths hopefully complement your weaknesses, and vice versa), that is an incredible bonus. If she's also pretty, you hit the jackpot!

14. Do pay attention to the world around you. There is always a lot going on in the world. Know enough about the world outside of your bubble of friends and interests to be able to speak intelligently about at least a few other subjects. Notice when people are hurting or in need, and learn to be there for them. Also notice when people want to be left alone, and respect their wishes. The practice of empathy with the condition and circumstances of others will lead you to a better understanding of the world you live in.

15. Take care of yourself, too. You already know that eating right (all things in moderation) and exercise are important for physical and mental health. Take little time outs for your emotional health as well. Spend a little time alone. Unplug. Listen to soothing music. Read a good book. I guarantee you will find yourself refreshed by the downtime.

Above all, know that I love you, and am truly looking forward to seeing the man you are becoming.

I am a big believer in facing your fears.

So when this question was posed in a Huffington Post article, I wasn't prepared for the flood of thoughts and emotions I experienced. I figured I had already conquered several of my biggest fears (speaking up, singing in front of others) so this was a non-issue.

Or so I thought.

What I missed, I discovered later, was the more profound question. What would your life look like if you were not afraid to pursue what you REALLY wanted to do with your life? Especially if what you were doing currently amounted to settling for the most practical thing to meet your responsibilities. What are your dreams? What goals or plans did you have that were realistic, but you never pursued? What untapped gifts or talents do you posses that are being allowed to lay dormant?

We all know someone who is so phenomenally talented in some area that we declare they "missed their calling". Women and men who are artists, musicians, bakers, chefs. People who work exceptionally well with children, or can handle even the most challenging adults in the workplace. Those whose intelligence and creativity we admire on a regular basis, but who, for reasons known only to them, never sought to explore these gifts any further.

For me, at least, the reason was fear. I had known all my life that I loved to write. I had known since at least middle school that I was considered a good writer. I found my preferred format in my early 20's when I fell in love with the works of Erma Bombeck and Robert Fulghum. Fear began it's slow creep the minute I expressed my desire to become a professional writer, then internalized a friend's dismissive derision of my dream: "So what? Anybody can go write a book." Fear gained a permanent foothold when I began to realize that all of my literary and journalistic heroes had college degrees, while I had a small child to support and not a whole lot of help.

Like many in my position, I started to qualify why dreams with whens and ifs. When my son gets older, if he starts having less issues, I will go back and pursue my degree. I can't write if I don't have a degree, no one will take me seriously. When my daughter gets older, if she doesn't experience the same level of challenges my son experienced then I will finally start on my goal. But year after year, as I became the mother I needed to be to my children, learned to support them in the ways that helped them most, my dreams and gifts sat untouched and dormant. Oh I would whip out my gift for a letter here or an essay there, always to the amazement and delight of others, wherein someone would inevitably suggest that I had "missed my calling".

I remember reading an essay in Reader's Digest, sometime in the late 80's, about the principal of throwing your hat over the fence. In it, the author touched on the story told to him about an old farmer that needed an old fence taken down, and asked his grandson to help him. As incentive, he grabbed his grandson's hat and threw it over the fence, reasoning that this gave him a reason to take the boards down, if only to get his hat. The deeper meaning of course, being that whatever you want to do, take a step that will create a reason for you to finish it.

This blog is my hat going over the fence. My dream is to write, without fear or reservation. Sometimes it will be funny, sometimes political, sometimes just an observation, but it will always be honest, and never mean spirited. Names will be changed to protect both the innocent and the crabby. This is a conversation between you and I, dear reader. There will always be critics, and I am as prepared as I'm going to be for that. But to not write out of fear of inadequacy is no longer an option.