the santa picture

Every December, your instagram feed blows up with the #obligatorysantapic. This is one of those Christmas traditions that I look back on fondly. About 2 weeks after I've barely survived it. This year, as we signed in to see Santa, I accidentally stabbed my son in the eye. Which is just ideal for immediately before you go in to see the big man.

It was NOT a Christmas miracle.

He's a little unsure about what's actually happening here.

Visions of expensive Christmas gifts, dancing in her head.

Anyway, the iconic "Santa's lap moment" can go one of a few different ways. Let me break it down for ya:

The Crying Baby: This is easily one of my favorites. The more horrified the baby, the better. I mean, think about it. If someone made YOU sit on a white-haired creeper's lap with everyone staring at you, what would YOU do?

Exactly. I'm with you, Crying Baby. I am WITH. YOU.

The Outlandish Ask: My daughter specializes in the outlandish ask. Um, Hi Santa, all I really want for Christmas is an XBox, a drone, a unicorn, and a GUN TO KILL BIRDIES WITH.

(Yep.)

(Santa was the horrified one that year.)

Santa is clearly alarmed. I think what he gave us for Christmas that year was a trip to the psychologist's office.

The Inevitable Stomach Bug: Your kid is either going to puke ON Santa, or wake up puking exactly 2 days later. I used to be way less crazy about germs, because if I got a stomach virus, it meant I could stay home, watch movies, and come out of it 5 lbs thinner. NOW, I could be puking every 5 minutes, and guess what? My kids don't care. They will be all, mommy, I need more milk/juice/snacks/tissue for the booger I just picked from my nose. And DO YOU WANT TO SEE IT?

If it wouldn't ban me for life, I would ask Santa to wear gloves and a face mask, while guzzling sanitizer.

#sorrynotsorrysanta

The Appointment Santa: Santa is fancy now, and if you want your kids to see him, you have to book time. If you can't remember to think about Santa on August 1st, then you. are. screwed. Don't want to call the appointment hotline 762 times in a row FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR? Just go ahead and buy your husband a white beard and a Santa suit, because it's all over. Throw THAT junk up on Instagram.

The Adult on Santa's Lap: Unless you are consoling your terrified baby, this is probably NOT okay. Unless Santa has some Nordstrom gift cards in his bag. Then you just DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO. No shame.