Good Story
To the Nice Guys

“What do women want? To be treated
like a queen; but by a king, not a pawn.”

This is for that time she left forty urgent messages
on your cell phone, and when you called her back,
she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two
sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. Even
though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a
jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t
worry about it.

This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree
you had ever orchestrated in Halo 2 to rant about a rumour that
linked her romantically with the guy she thinks is the most repulsive
person in the world. Even though you thought it was immature and
you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours
and helped her concoct a counter-rumour to spread around the floor.

This is also for that time she didn’t have
a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing
“serious” between the two of you, she
dragged you to a party where you knew nobody. The
beer was awful and she flirted shamelessly with you,
justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing
to everyone, “Oh, but we are just friends!”
Even though you were invited purely as a symbolic
warm body for her ego, you went anyway. This is because
you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where
credit is due. I wish I could logically explain this
trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed
on campus and what I have learned from talking to
friends at other schools and in the workplace, the
only conclusion I can form is that many girls are
just illogical, manipulative b**ches. Many of them
claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when
presented with such a specimen, they say irrational,
confusing things such as, “Oh, he’s too
nice to date.” or “He would be a good
boyfriend but he’s not for me.” or “He
already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t
possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating
of them all “No, it would ruin our friendship.”
Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men
in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date
male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men
that are jerks. Sorry guys, girls like that are beyond
my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why
the connection breaks down between what they say (I
want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going
to sleep with this complete a** now!). But one thing
I can do is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon
doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many
girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize
they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them
for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls,
and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the
nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick
of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth
of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department
store, your ability to hold the doors open, your party escorting
services and your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile.
For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate and for all
the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades,
my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have
credibility in this society and your well deserved vindication
is coming.