So apparently the United States is competing in a World soccer tournament of some sort (FIFA? Isn’t that the name of a doggie?) and everyone is watching…except me. I gotta be honest…I hate soccer. Not because it’s ever done anything to me, but just because it’s flippin’ BORING. I don’t care how you look at it, watching a bunch of dudes running around on a HUGE football field kicking a ball over there, then over there, then kicking it to a another player, and then OH LOOK! He kicked it and that guy hit it with his head! Isn’t THAT EXCITING???

Uh…no.

It’s NOT exciting. Neither are 1-0 finals or 1-1 ties or trying to figure out who has to tie or lose in order for the U.S. to make it to play a “D” team or something or other. I just don’t get it. It’s not as exciting as a high scoring basketball game (elementary, high school, college OR NBA) or the heightened violence of football or hockey or even the patient play of golf or a tennis match that goes 5 sets and and STILL doesn’t have a winner because it got dark over at Wimbledon and they had to suspend play at 59-all. Compared to ANY of these sports, soccer is a bore…and I don’t even really like tennis!

Of course, this is coming from a guy who has never played soccer, has never had an interest in soccer and couldn’t care less about soccer. The only way I’ll watch soccer is if I’m PAID to watch soccer. THEN maybe. But even then I can’t promise that I won’t fall asleep in the 2nd half with the score tied at 0-0 and only 3 shots on goal.