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Monday, June 16, 2014

Bitches be crazy? Dudes be diabolical?

What came first: the chicken or the egg? Who cares. Here's a far more important question. Are women crazy or is it just that men make us crazy? A comment popped up a couple days ago on Silicon Valley Bachelor's post about an ex who went a little nuts on him that made me ruminate on the topic. The comment (from Anonymous) is so good, I felt compelled to share it: So, I agree this is totally erratic, scary stuff, and the girl might just need help. But, on a lighter note, I do think time to time guys actually make very normal, well-adjusted women go a little crazy! The poofing, the "I'm so into you and can't believe how lucky I am to have met you" date, but then NEVER CALLING AGAIN, It hurts us in ways that we can't rationalize. There's no commonality when it happens more than once, and we are supposed to just accept that for some reason, you lost interest between Saturday and Tuesday. Or maybe the whole date was a great ego stroke for you so you played it up, but she really wasn't what you were looking for. I am not saying you owe us much after one date, or even a couple. We don't really know if you are going to call us if you say so after a first date. Actions speak louder than words. But if you want to prevent crazy, don't send mixed signals in a text, say things you don't mean, or plan things you don't want! We start evaluating your potential about 5 minutes after meeting you. We've decided if we ever would sleep with you in 30 seconds. We've determined if you'll get a second date within 15 minutes. Seriously. I've read some of the "please tell me what I did." "Did you change your mind?" "I miss you!" texts I sent, and I totally regret them, am even ashamed of them, but in the moment just wanted some reason for the dude's apparent 180. Even texting "hope you are having a good day," after a couple days of no word from a dude, is a crazy moment we hope that maybe you might answer and reconsider another date. DON'T ANSWER, unless you really want to date the girl! We won't crumble, I promise.

Holy crap.I have no idea who wrote this comment, but it's mad genius and SO true. There are many sane women out there who've been on the brink of a nervous breakdown thanks to the abrupt bait and switch by dudes. I've totally been there. Dating a guy who basically treats you like they've found their future wife and the mother of their children--- only to suddenly pull away and BLOW you OFF with no warning or explanation. It's literally maddening. It keeps us up at night. We re-read emails and texts. We replay all the events of the relationship in our head. We wonder if we were hallucinating all those moments where you referenced how you'd love to take us to your friend's wedding three months from now or that subtle remark about how your mom would LOVE us when we inevitably meet. And while we know deep down the abrupt drop in text messages "between Saturday and Tuesday" probably means you met someone you like more than us-- BUT-- our most irrational side tells us: MAYBE I SAID SOMETHING THAT MADE HIM THINK I WASN'T INTO HIM.

But what's a man to do? Let's assume they are NOT diabolical and don't wax poetic about how much they like us simply because they want to get laid (note to men: it's not that hard to convince us to sleep with you. It's 2014. We're a lot "sluttier" these days.) Let's instead assume that sometimes a guy meets a woman he thinks he's super into. And he gets overly excited and ahead of himself, because he too has been affected by movies like Say Anything. He makes a lot of promises until one day he's like: Shit. I actually don't like this chick as much as I thought I did. And then in a state of panic, he either disappears completely or abruptly dumps said female via text message. Naturally, we go crazy and he's left to think: what was I supposed to do? Date someone I wasn't into?

Of course not. But here's how we can all avoid this in the future. Men: Don't make declarations early in a relationship that make us think we're going to get married and make humans. We know you're terrible planners-- so don't mention how you'd love for us to go to a concert or a wedding or a birthday party that's three to six months in the future. In fact, don't make any promises for the first ninety days of a relationship. AND if you decide you don't want to date us-- I know this scares you-- TELL US. Anything over 5+ dates or six weeks of dating means a phone call conversation(not a text message). And here's what you say: I think you're really great-- I just don't think we're right for each other. Bada-bing, bada-boom. It's that simple.

And ladies, I can't let you off the hook either. I've personally witnessed some of you get all up in arms when a guy actually does TELL you he's not interested-- especially if they do it right out of the gate. I've heard a lot of "who is he to assume I wanted to date him in the first place?!" Just stop. Don't get all indignant. This is why men think they can't win with us. If they tell us they're not interested, then we make them feel like idiots for presuming we were even interested in the first place. If they disappear with no explanation, then we decide they are pure evil. Let's give the guys who are upfront and straightforward a little credit-- regardless of how we feel about them.

If we could all just do that, men would seem a lot less diabolical and we would seem a lot less crazy. See how easy that was? What do you guys like me to solve next? Israel/Palestine? Ukraine/Russia? Sunnis/Shiites? Just let me know and I'll conflict resolution the shit out of it.

2 comments:

It really does drive sane women crazy. When this happens to my girl friends I always see them begin to spiral and I try with everything I have to nip it in the bud- and it never works. And when it's me that's a whole other story. "Maybe I improperly used the work (blank)." "Maybe I missed a spot shaving my legs." There's nothing worse then being strung along and then just dropped.

about the blow off

We've all been blown off, we've all blown someone off. Share your story: the blow off texts, emails, voice mail messages you've either sent or received to mark the end of a relationship. And if the blow off consisted of a disappearing act, post a missing person's report. Or just read stories about break ups in general.