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The Even Worse Joke Thread

Posts

The Chinese police found over 20 dead crows on the Hong Kong Highway recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars.
They then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah Cah", not a single one could shout "bike"

I read this to me mother, in my most official sounding, authoritative voice, waited till she looked at me, then laughed like a maniac for 5 minutes last night. Only bright spot in the last couple of days.

The Tin Man lodged his axe in Dorothy's leg. The Scarecrow thoughtlessly made a joke about it being an "axe-cident." Dorothy considered it a personal attack because the Tin Man was heartless and didn't apologize. The Lion lacked the courage to speak up against this atrocity of a joke.

We had a program at the library where teens could learn how to create art using cut-paper collage. It was so popular that we ran out of the big butcher paper "canvasses" and we had to break everyone down into pairs to collaborate on one collage.

Everything went pretty well, except right before she dismissed all the teens, the art teacher yelled "Wake up!"

Two nuns were driving down the road with their Mother Superior to a local market when a deer jumped out in front of their station wagon; the nun who was driving, being a kindhearted and timid soul, swerved to miss the deer and ended up plowing into a cemetery.

Upon opening their eyes in Heaven, the cloistered Brides of Christ were met by St. Peter in front of a tremendous gate of hammered gold, polished pearl columns and ethically-sourced diamond hinges. The nuns wept with joy at their surroundings and bowed reverently before a smiling St. Peter.

"Ladies, welcome to Heaven, you'll find nothing but the finest accommodations waiting for you. Before you enter, I must ask you a simple question to prove your faith, but since you've all done such a fantastic job so far on Earth, the questions will be very simple."

*ahem*

"Sister Mary Margaret?"

"Yes, Your Saintliness?"

"What was the name of the first woman?"

"Oh! It was Eve!"

"Right you are, be on your way and enjoy the cabana boys. Sister Margaret Mary?"

"Yes, Your Saintliness?"

"Where did Eve first live?"

"Oh! It was The garden Eden!"

"Correct. On your way and make sure to hit up the blackjack table. Mother Superior?"

"Yes, Your Saintliness?"

"You have a considerable amount of biblical knowledge at your fingertips what with all of your years of study, so it's only equitable to require a bit of a challenge. Are you ready?"

"Yes, Your Saintliness!"

"Okey-dokey. What were Eve's first words to Adam?"

"Oh my. That's a hard one."

"Yep, in you go."

Darth Waiter on August 2016

+35

StraightziHere we may reign secure, and in my choice,To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered Userregular

Important context! I'm a finance broker based out of a small car dealership.

Just messaged my fiancee to say that I just had a couple come in to the yard but couldn't get them approved because they have some big bills in front of them.

Bonus joke: When customers are walking around salesmen often refer to them as 'ducks on the pond', because usually all you can see is their head above the roofs of the cars. So my friends in the industry got that one first.