A NEW START FOR THE REPUBLICAN PARTY?

PEOPLE OF EARTH: ATTENTION

by Paul Nicholas Boylan,

Columnist

[Reprinted here with permission from the Sacramento Valley Mirror, where this article first appeared.]

People of Earth, you know I supported John McCain because he promised to bring reason and honesty back to the Presidency. You also know that I felt and still feel betrayed when he picked Sarah Palin as his running mate because she represented everything wrong with the Republican Party – i.e., she was a fanatically “pro life” mindlessly religious, proudly ignorant snowbilly with delusions of competency and the inability to tell the truth to save her life. In otherwords, Palin was George W. Bush in a dress – everything bad about him was even worse with her, with the minor exception that she looked hot in leather.

I wasn’t alone.Millions of moderate conservatives like me felt thrown under the political bus. Stupid people had taken over the GOP. We had no choice but to make damn sure McCain and Palin did not win, and that meant supporting O’Bama.

As many as 10 million conservatives like me voted for Obama because McCain sold his soul to the dark side of the Republican Party.And guess what? Obama won by about 10 million votes. Mere coincidence? I think not.

Don’t get me wrong: I do not like Obama and I do not like his policies.But I sleep soundly at night knowing that voting for Obama sent a message to the GOP – i.e., that the Republican Party is nothing without the support of moderate conservatives like me.

Since the election I’ve been waiting for the GOP to come to its senses. People of Earth, I am pleased to announce that it is finally happening.

Recently, Colin Powell appeared on Face the Nation and said what we all know: that the Republican Party has lost the trust of the American people, has lost national power, and the only way to regain political influence is to appeal more to moderate conservatives and independents.Later, at a meeting of National business leaders, General Powell said:

“Rush Limbaugh says, ‘Get out of the Republican Party. Dick Cheney says, ‘He’s already out.’ I may be out of their version of the Republican Party, but there’s another version of the Republican Party waiting to emerge once again.”

Colin Powell - Incredibly competent moderate Republican.

“Colin Powell is a child molester,” said Trip Brackman, a pseudo-Christian cult member from Waco, Texas. “I read that on the Internet, so it must be true,” Brackman added. “And my Pastor said so in Church last Sunday.”

Trip Brackman - total moran.

Other leading moderate Republicans support Powell’s call for the Republican Party to reject the failed strategies that caused the GOP to slide to the edge of collapse.These moderate conservative leaders recommend that the GOP stop “demonizing” their opponents and, instead, concentrate on the issues and present the American people with alternatives to Obama’s policies.

“The practice of “demonization” has ruined the Republican Party,” said Raymond Smith, co-founder of Policy Alternatives Inc., a conservative think tank based in Arlington, Virginia. “Demonization is the tactic of ignoring what your political opponent says and, instead, falsely accusing him or her of moral or legal wrongdoing.By the time the accused responds, the election is over. It worked with John Kerry. The Swift Boat ads were very effective. But in the last election, Republican operatives spread rumors that Obama was a Muslim. It didn’t work, and it isn’t going to work again. The only hope for the Republican Party is to realize that demonization as a tactic does not work any more.”

Why are "good people" included?

“Ray Smith is an alcoholic, drug abusing baby killer,” said Track Johnson a shadowy, lurking figure and life-long Republican from Kansas City, Missouri. “And he is a homosexual.Did I say he was a homo?Well, he is,” said Smith. “A great big alcoholic, drug abusing baby killing homo.”

Tom Ridge, former Secretary for Homeland Security, agrees that the traditional Republican tactic of demonizing political opponents has to stop if the GOP is to regain any political relevance.

“How you use words is very important,” Ridge said during an interview airing Sunday on CNN’s State of The Union. “Demonization does get the base all fired up,” Ridge continued. “But if the Republican Party has any hope of returning to political power, it needs to encourage the base to attack ideas and not personally attack people,” Ridge concluded.

"It was this big, but it got away."

“Why does Tom Ridge hate America?” asks Republican activist, Libby McGruber. “It saddens me that this once great man is now a traitor and a baby killer.And an alcoholic. Did you know he gets drunk and beats up his wife?” McGruber asked. “It’s true. I read it on the internet,” she added.

Libby McGruber

Michael Steele, current Chairman of the Republican National Committee agrees with Powell and Ridge.He recently prevented the RNC from enacting a resolution attempting to demonize Democrats by changing the name of the Democratic Party to the “Democratic Socialist Party.” “It is a dumb move,” said Steele. “What we need are solutions to the nation’s problems,” he continued. “Demonizing our opponents by changing their name isn’t productive.

Michael Steele

“Michael Steele is an alcoholic Mooslam child molesting baby killer,” said Trig Carmichael, an unemployed electrician from Valdosta, Georgia, and life long Republican. “Anyone who listens to Steele is a homosexual traitor who hates America,” Carmichael said before passing out.

Trig Carmichael and his lovely wife, Dixie.

Can the Republican Party change its tactics and re-emerge as a leaner, meaner, stronger political party?Only time will tell.

Not demonizing in the slightest....

Ah..... that's so much better...

PEOPLE OF EARTH: ATTENTION

The author (front) and his brother, Dave (back).

The author (front) and his brother, Dave (back).

y Paul Nicholas Boylan,

Columnis

by Paul Nicholas Boylan,

Columnist

[reprinted here with permission from the Sacramento Valley Mirror, where this article first appeared, except that I added some profanity to this version because I felt profanity gives the piece a Baroque feel, if you know what I mean.]

8 Responses to “A NEW START FOR THE REPUBLICAN PARTY?”

You’re always going on about irony but you are really the one. Here you are saying conservatives who demonize the left are morons. So you are demonizing them for demonizing the liberals. That means you are just as bad as they are.

Dave – No. the quotes from Powell, Ridge and Steele are very recent, and they have been demonized for their requests for moderation. But it is similar to other stuff I’ve made fun of when it comes to the idiots on the right end of the political spectrum.

Benot – Yes, I have plenty of pics of the delicious Sarah. You would be surprised what she agreed to be filmed doing when she was younger. But I am not going to show you. And why? Just to be mean, that’s why.

More photos of Dixie Carmichael please. I have a friend who needs something to help stop, errr, well, delay for a while, um, how do I put this? I guess you could call it “arriving” too early.
Did you know that the Pennant Hills* Football (Aussie Rules) Club is called The Demons? Therefore, by demonising someone, the GOP is in fact turning their victim into a PennaNt Hills Football Club member.
They’ll welcome the increase in numbers.

* the same is true of the Melbourne Football Club but they’re a bunch of losers.

Tom Ridge, former Secretary for Homeland Security, agrees that demonizing opponents has to regain political relevance.

“How you use words is very important,” Ridge said during an interview. “Demonization does get the base all fired up,” if the Republican Party has any hope of returning to political power, it needs to encourage the base to personally attack people,” Ridge concluded.