Every so often, someone will make that grand, sweeping statement: "Pie is the New Cake". Usually, this issomeone who owns or is related to the owner of a pie-related business. Unfortunately, in a world which supports cupcake shops opening roughly every five minutes, pie has simply failed to have the same effect in the baked-good market.

But we feel for you pie lovers--really, we do. And so, in an effort to lend a helping hand in getting pie the attention it deserves, may we humbly suggest the following tried-and-true tabloid methods to be applied for pie promotion? Here goes:

Stir up some controversy:

Get people thinking about the issues that touch pies' lives:

Dish about fashion faux pas:

But of course--in spite of everything, don't forget to show how pies really are just like us:

Scandalized? Well, they say there's no such thing as bad press; surely these sweet tips are the first step in making pie the true cream of the crop--or at least shaking off some of that wholesome crusty image.