About Me

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

All the Dull Days of My Life

So many days of late have been spent living in a dull routine. A routine filled with work and television, but also with music. It is the music that keeps me from committing some act of unspeakable vandalism or violence. But I feel that there is still not enough musicking in my life. It's strange to think that this is where I am and where, at the moment, I am content after graduation. I saw myself doing so much more with my life. But instead I am here. In a tangible and very real version of purgatory.

There are so many places I want to go and so many facets of music still to explore. Yet I feel as if there is an invisible hand pushing me back, blocking my path to the next academic milestone.

Is it too much to want to know as much as possible? I feel like there is so much that I want to learn, read, research, play, perform and yet I am, at the moment, forced to take the slower path. Forever longing for another moment in the sun. For another day spent in sound.

Sometimes I think that this life would be enough for someone else. That there is a person longing for the life that I am leading at this specific moment. If that is true then I can only conclude that this is not my moment. That my moments are still yet to be lived and are still unwritten.

I worry about the state that I find myself. That this longing for a more adventurous life will take me somewhere far from my dream. But I wonder if I would not welcome such an adventure. A chance to see the world. I also wonder what I could do to make that a reality instead. To force myself in that position. A position of uncertainty. Would I be able to stand the idea of an unplanned life?