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21 October 2013

A Few of My Favorite Things: G is for #God

I am a Christian. I believe in the existence of an
eternal, preexistent, transcendent God as described in the Bible. I
believe in the message of the Gospel found therein, and believe He
has, according to His Word, paid for the sins that separated me from
Him. I have accepted His free offer of Salvation in the Person of
Jesus Christ, a gift I do not deserve, cannot earn, and sometimes
don’t act like I appreciate. I trust that, because I have believed
(or perhaps I have believed because…), I am saved and will spend
eternity in a perfected, bodily form in a place described in the
Bible as Heaven, living eternally in the presence of and fellowship
with this same, real, personal God. I believe His existence is the
explanation and consummation of existence, the essence of reality,
and that this reality exists completely independent of my thoughts or
beliefs. I am redeemed.

That’s not to say I’m perfect. In fact, it’s
the foremost expression that I’m not. And anyone who knows me
(most notably my wife, who knows more of the real me than any person
ever has) can vouch for that.

Our pastor recently preached on the subject of
authenticity; taking off the mask; living life authentically, warts,
struggles and all, in the context of the church fellowship. It’s
so common it’s funny, or would be, if it wasn’t so true.

You’re late getting out of the house to go to
church Saturday night because you have to frantically microwave
something for the kids to eat in the car because they’re suddenly
starving when you’ve been nagging them to eat something since 2
o’clock. Or Sunday morning, they’re not dressed despite the fact
you started trying to get them out of bed an hour and a half ago.

“Honey, where’s my belt?”

“Right where you left it, darling.”

“Have you seen my red shoes?”

“Which red shoes? You have four pair.”

“I do not, I have one pair. The others are
crimson, rose, and blush.”

“Has anyone walked the dog?”

“No, you cannot take that frog to church! No, he
doesn’t need to hear the Gospel, frog’s don’t go to heaven.
Yes, I know I told you Fluffy is there, just put the frog back in the
flower bed.”

“Stop tailgating that car!”

“He’s doing 35 in a 45!”

Pulling into the parking lot, you have to wait for a
family of 14 to walk down the middle of the traffic lane, and park a
mile away. You’re secretly convinced that there were only 4 cars
in the parking lot thirty seconds ago, and that you wouldn’t be
hiking in from the South 40 if (insert one or more family members
here) hadn’t made you late. Thirty feet from the front door, you
pass into The Neutral Zone; the place where you have to drop the
scowl and put on your “church face” for the door greeter.

“Welcome to church, how are you?” extending a
glad-hand. http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/glad-hand

Guess what? You’re not
fine. And they’re probably not great, either. In fact, you may be
literally dying inside.

(Clarification: I’m not talking about me, here.
I’m a very happy newlywed, very much in love with my wife and
totally into being a stepdad. I’m going for cliché, here, not
exposé).

You never have enough hours in the day at work.
You’re responsible for everything but have authority over nothing.

You have an offering check in your pocket, but you’re
debating whether or not to drop it in the bucket. “If
they deposit it before Tuesday…”

You glance sideways at your spouse, haunted by
something he or she said during a “discussion” last night, or
wondering if he/she is the one that’s haunted by something you wish
you hadn’t said, wanting to apologize, but either feeling
stubbornly justified or too ashamed to bring it up, hoping they’ll
just forget about it.

You’re grateful that the music is still going, the
lights are down, but hoping they’ve already passed the “greeting.”

You’re smiling.

But you feel like screaming.

Plastic Jesus

“It's really easy to fake it. We put on emotional costumes and masks. We wear them to hide our true self. We masquerade by putting our best foot forward and letting people see only our best side.” – John Fehlen

Pastor
John spoke about wanting church to be a place where we can be “real,”
the fourth of our core values.

Now
I am talking about me.

What
if this is the real
me?

What
if I struggle with contradictory emotions?

What
if I really do find it hard to express myself spontaneously?

What
if I’m introverted & slow to speak, not because I’m
disengaged or uncaring, but because I really can’t slow my brain
down enough to form coherent sentences without great effort and a
little time? What if I the first thing that pops into my head would
be the exact wrong
thing to say?

What
if, when I ask an acquaintance or a stranger, “How are you?” I
really don’t want an
authentic answer? I want to
hear, “Fine, how are you?” So I can say, “Fine,” and we can
both move on?

What
if I’m afraid to be me because I think you won’t accept me,
because I wouldn’t, either?

What if this is just... who I am?

I
know God accepts me. I know my wife accepts me. I know my kids
accept me. I know I have many friends who accept me. But I
sometimes don’t even want to ask myself
“How are you?” Because I just want to say “fine” and move
on, and I know I can’t.

”You may find that the first person you must be the most critical with, as being the greatest fraud you have ever known, is yourself.” – J. I. Packer, Knowing God