Today my friend Silentprincess asked me to see what you all would think if she started writing her own fic here.She wants to base this fic on the cosmic nerds, and include some other gods from various mythologies in it too. She said that it would take place in Babylon Gardens, although I have no idea how she plans to do that.

She wanted me to ask what you would all think before she started writing. I told her that she should just write and post it, but she wants to see what you all think of the idea.

So leave a comment on what you all think about it. (She has a lot of writing experience, unlike me. So it would be good right from the start in my opinion.)

_________________The best cymbal player ever has spoken.

JeffCvt is a copyright of jeffcvt inc. and not to be reproduced without the express written consent of CBS and jeff cvt.

Well since im kind of illiterate and uneducated (I barely read) it would be great to see, and read more literary works related to the huge universe that is Housepets!

so yeah i would like

_________________A moment of enlightenment...and it's gone

Tue Apr 24, 2012 3:50 pm

copper

Puppy Wrangler

Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:18 pmPosts: 6352Location: Florida

Re: JeffCvt's stories

I would love to see that fic. As a fan of World mythologies, I want to see this up. Tell her to post it. POST IT NOW!!!!

Just make sure she knows about the rating limitations.

_________________My charactersEverybody has a story to tell. What's yours?

Tue Apr 24, 2012 10:01 pm

SilentPrincess828

Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2012 3:51 pmPosts: 48Location: The Interwebs

Re: JeffCvt's stories

So I started taking some notes for the fanfic. I have some ideas, and at least know how to start. Unfortunately, I don't know when I'll be able to really work on it because school has me sooooooo busy right now. Even though I'm probably not supposed to do this, I'm posting Jeff this link here, that way he's less likely to lose it again. Please don't ban me, it's just a Sonic the Hedgehog fic.

I haven't worked on that in a while. I have too much to work on. Sonic and LKS fanfic, now House Pets, novels, school stuff... Whoops, got carried away again. I'll shut up now.

@Silentprincess: well thats impresive, your writing skils are very good.Altough I know nothing about Sonic your story is really good in all the aspects.This is just the opinion of a casual reader, you may like to wait for someone who knows more about the topic and have a better critical thinking.

I am getting ready to start typing the last part before I start what I have been setting up for in everything untill now.

And I would like to know before I start, have I gotten better since my first update, and how can I improve?

I already have the next 3-4 updates planned out as far as what is going to happen, but before I type them up I want to know what you all think I can work on. No matter how small you may think it is, I still want to know.

Please help me help myself. These upcoming parts are going to be good, and I have an idea of some of the things that I should work on. But I want you to help me make them great. I know I could have done some things better in previous updates, but I need these future updates to be as good as I can possibly make them in order to prevent possible confusion in some of the merging plotlines and other things that I have planned.

Please help me out here, I want to provide the best story for all of you that I can.

_________________The best cymbal player ever has spoken.

JeffCvt is a copyright of jeffcvt inc. and not to be reproduced without the express written consent of CBS and jeff cvt.

Sun Apr 29, 2012 5:32 pm

copper

Puppy Wrangler

Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:18 pmPosts: 6352Location: Florida

Re: JeffCvt's stories

You are just fine and improving well. Maybe work on punctuation and a little on grammar.

Also work on your transitions. Not that yours are bad, just that that is a thing everyone needs to work on.

_________________My charactersEverybody has a story to tell. What's yours?

“Fido, if you weren't my boyfriend, I would do something unimaginably horrible to you for not telling me this sooner.”

Fido had just explained to Sabrina about Prowler, and how Ralph was reacting to the entire situation.

“Wha- I- I tried to find you yesterday when I could walk again but-”

“BUT NOTHING!” Sabrina yelled. “We have to go find Tarot now. She said that she was going out to go do something, but I have no idea what it was or where she was going.”

“But why?” Fido asked. “I don’t understand. Is something wrong?”

“I sure hope not Fido, I sure hope not.”

-----

“Joey, will you quit moping around and go outside?” Squeak asked.

“Why?” Joey asked. “Everyone thinks that I’m just some kind of weird freak. I’ll be doing them a favor by staying inside.”

Squeak was reaching the end of her wits. While he was eating enough, Joey had barley spoken the last few days. She managed to get him to tell her what had happened between him and Prowler, but he wouldn’t say anything else.

While Squeak understood why Joey would be upset about what had happened, she couldn’t just stand by and do nothing! Joey can’t let that dog get the best of him!

She decided that it was time to get tough.

“Joey, get up! Go outside and talk to someone, play a game, go for a walk, SOMETHING!”

“Why?” Joey just asked again. “I’m just a weird, role-playing freak. I dress up in a cat suit! Why would anyone want to be seen with me, or even know me for that matter? The only friends that I have are the dogs that can’t make any other friends.”

Squeak just snapped. This was not like Joey at all, and she wanted him back to the way that he was. And she was going to get him back one way or another.

“Your only friends!?” She yelled at him. “What about your two brothers Fido and Bino!?”

Joey was shocked by Squeak’s sudden outburst. “Well, it’s just that-”

“And what about Peanut!?” Squeak continued “Isn’t he one of your friends?”

“Well… Yes, but-”

“And what about me!? I fell in love with you while you were wearing your cat suit! And I love you for what you are, how many ‘normal’ pets can say they have a girlfriend like that!?”

“Well…” Joey started. “It’s just that Prowler-”

“And just what does that dog know about you?” The anger in Squeak's voice was gone now. But it still had a tone that told Joey he had better listen. “That dog knew you for only an hour or two. How would he know what kind of dog you are, how nice you are?” Squeak pointed at the door and said “Any cat or dog out there would be more than happy to be friends with you. Are you going to let someone else tell you what you can and can’t do?”

The only thing that Joey said was “Any- any pet out there would be happy to be my friend?”

“Of course.” Squeak said with gentleness now in her voice. It was a sudden change from the way she was talking only a few seconds ago, but she had finally gotten through to him!! Now was the time to be gentle and understanding. “You are one of the kindest dogs around. Who wouldn’t want to be friends with you?”

Joey thought about what Squeak said for a second, then said “I know one dog.” He stood up. “And I’m going to give him a piece of my mind.” He looked at Squeak. “Thank you Squeak, you reminded me that I have some very good friends, and that I can become friends with whoever I want. But before I do anything else, I’m going to find Prowler and give him a piece of my mind. It’s about time someone put him in his place.”

A mischievous grin came over Squeak’s face. “Do you mind if I come along? I have a few choice words for him myself.”

“Hop on.” Joey said.

-----

Bino and Fox were walking down the street, talking about the upcoming GODC meeting.

“So you want to move the next meeting to tomorrow morning instead of leaving it the day after tomorrow?” Fox asked.

“I kind of have to.” Bino said. “It’s the only time that I can make it this Saturday or Sunday.”

What Bino didn’t tell Fox was that he had to spend Sunday cleaning the living room in his house.

His owner Jeff had been surprisingly understanding about what had happened. He said that he had noticed Max and Bino were both acting depressed, and had been expecting something like that to happen.

And because of that, Jeff said that they would not be punished for it. But they would have to clean up the living room though.

Bino and Max decided that in order to stay out of each other’s way, they would work on different days. Max would pick up all of the cans and put everything back on Saturday, and Bino would vacuum and do anything else that would still need to be done on Sunday. Neither of them would work today because it would be unfair if only one of them had to work on the weekend.

For that reason, Bino needed the meeting moved to Saturday morning. He wanted it in the morning so that if Max finished early, he could get a head start on the vacuuming and whatever else might need to be done.

Was that kind of being selfish? Yes.

But Bino had good reasons for needing to be at the meeting other that being club president. He needed to be there to ensure that everything went alright when Kyria showed up. If things didn’t, Prowler would, well, best not to think about it.

“This is kind of short notice.” Fox said. “Are you sure that we need to move it?”

“I’m sure.” Bino said. “I can’t miss this meeting. You can get the word out, right?”

Fox rolled his eyes as he said “Sure, I can get the word out.”

“Thanks, I’ll see you at the meeting tomorrow.” Bino turned to start walking back to his house, but Fox stopped him.

“Bino, are you ok? I’ve noticed that you haven’t been acting like yourself lately. You haven’t been out much in the last week, and now that I am seeing you face to face, you seem different.

“I don’t know what’s going on, and I’m not going to ask. I’m going to stay out of your personal life. But as a friend, I don’t want to see anything happen to you.”

“What are you trying to say?” Bino asked.

“Just promise me that you’re ok. And that you will get help if you need it.”

Bino looked at Fox, then at the ground as he said “I’m fine. Please don’t worry about me. This is something that I need to handle myself.”

Fox seemed a little skeptical, but he said “Ok, I believe you. I just hope that you can handle it.”

Bino started to walk back to his house so he could get ready for the meeting tomorrow morning.

I hope that I can handle it too. Bino thought.

END

I give Silentprincess828 credit for reviewing my story for mistakes.

So here it is. The last part before some questions start being answered. If you have any advice that you would like to give me before I start working on the next part, this is the last chance to do so.Otherwise, you may leave comments admiring how great of an author I am.

_________________The best cymbal player ever has spoken.

JeffCvt is a copyright of jeffcvt inc. and not to be reproduced without the express written consent of CBS and jeff cvt.

Last edited by JeffCvt on Sun May 20, 2012 9:46 am, edited 3 times in total.

I don't know, I just didn't think Joey would get so downtrodden by something like what Prowler said. I am sure Bino has said far worse to him over the years.

Yea, but if you read carefully, Joey was starting to question his friendships in the part that he met Prowler. I wasn't going for Prowler being mean as much as just hitting at the right spot at the right time.

And besides, it will all come together soon enough anyway...

_________________The best cymbal player ever has spoken.

JeffCvt is a copyright of jeffcvt inc. and not to be reproduced without the express written consent of CBS and jeff cvt.

Sat May 05, 2012 9:23 pm

valerio

Game Master

Joined: Mon May 25, 2009 6:53 amPosts: 15686Location: Italy

Re: JeffCvt's stories

Aw, that was one sweet update! YAY for Squeak cheeering up Joey! I'll bet the confrontation with jerk Prowler shall be EPIC!

Alright, I'm working in the next part, I should have it up by the end of the week.

I feel like such an idiot right now. I totaly forgot about one of the characters and now I need to find a way to get them into the part I'm working on, and I'm not sure how easy it's going to be.

And one more thing, do the updates look funny to you guys?

Like:

Quote:

Squeak was reaching the end of her wits. While he was eating enough, Joey had barley spoken the last few days.She managed to get him to tell her what had happened between him and Prowler, but he wouldn’t say anything else.

I'm on a different computer right now and that's how it looks to me, and if it looks like that to some of you, then I need to go and fix it. (I'll probably have to anyway to be safe, but I still want to know)

_________________The best cymbal player ever has spoken.

JeffCvt is a copyright of jeffcvt inc. and not to be reproduced without the express written consent of CBS and jeff cvt.

Well, here is the next part. Over the next few days, I should get around to fixing the rest of them so they all look like this.

Enjoy

What a miserable day. Kyria thought. It looks like it could start pouring at any second. What a day for Bino to move the meeting to.

Kyria was slowly walking toward the GODC clubhouse. The meeting didn’t start for about thirty minutes or so, but she just couldn’t wait. She was so excited about this that she couldn’t sit around and let the time just slowly slip by.

So she had decided to start walking at a slow pace.

There weren’t any other pets or people on the street. In fact, Kyria didn’t see any outside at all. The cloud cover was so thick and dark that everyone was staying inside. There wasn’t a single break in the clouds at all. Despite being 9:30 AM, it was incredibly dark out. The clouds blocked most of the sunlight that would otherwise be illuminating Babylon Gardens at this time of day. The air even had a kind of heaviness to it. The kind of heaviness that said it was going to rain soon.

It was a perfect match for Kyria’s mood the past few days. She had been in Babylon Gardens for only about a week, and while she had met her long lost friend Sasha, she had also met a cat named Danny. Danny had proved to be a real jerk.

Kyria had been having secret meetings with him so she could try and set up a surprise birthday party for Sasha. He seemed like a good enough cat when she met him; he even agreed to help her set up the secret party for Sasha. But he was just using her. Danny had just had a bad break-up with his girlfriend and was simply using Kyria to make her jealous. Once his plan worked, he simply told Kyria that he had better things to do than set up a surprise party for a dog with a cat as gullible and stupid as she was.

She had felt so upset and betrayed that she called Sasha to come and comfort her, giving up the surprise that she had planned.Of course, that was in the past now. She would be watching the GODC meeting in about half an hour. She had been looking forward to it all week, so it was just the thing to brighten up her mood right now. Dog knows the weather wasn’t helping.

Maybe I’ll even find a chance to tell Bino how I feel about him. Kyria thought. All I’ve heard about him is how he hates dogs that might be “cat lovers.”

But that can’t all be true. He was so nice when he welcomed our family. I mean, he did act a little strange around me, but he thought that I was going to be a dog before he saw me, so I guess that’s understandable. Plus he still let me come to the meeting; I just need to exploit a loophole in the rules. Why would he do that if he didn’t like cats? He may not like us romantically, but he can’t hate us, right?

As Kyria walked, the clubhouse came into sight.

*Sigh* I walk here slowly and I’m still about twenty minutes away from the start. I guess I should have waited at home a little longer before I started coming here. Oh well, I should at least hide for now. I don’t want a bunch of dogs to see me just hanging around right before the meeting starts.

-----

“Hey Joey.” Fox said.

Fox and Stealer were walking to the GODC when they ran into Joey, who was also going to the meeting.

Fox almost immediately noticed that something was bothering Joey, but when Joey spoke, he sounded upbeat. Almost like he had discovered himself again.

“Hey Fox, how have you been?” Joey asked.

“I’m fine, but are you ok? Something seemed to be bothering you a second ago.”

“I’ve just been trying to find a certain dog and haven’t been able to. Nothing big.” Joey said. He looked at Stealer. “Who’s this? I don’t believe that we’ve met before.”

Before Fox could say anything, Stealer introduced himself. “My name is Stealer. I’m staying with Fox for a little bit. I’m guessing that you’re going to the GODC meeting just like we are?”

“I sure am.” Joey said. “Maybe if I’m lucky, the dog that I’m looking for will be there too.”

All three of them started walking to the clubhouse together. As they were walking, Joey asked “So Stealer, why are you here in Babylon Gardens? Are you planning to stay?”

“I- Uhhh…” Stealer hated lying about why he was really here, but he knew that he had no choice. How he wished he could tell someone the truth. “I had a bad break-up with my girlfriend. I just needed a change of scenery for a little while, I don’t know how long I’ll be staying.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Joey said with sympathy in his voice. “How are you doing?”

“I’m doing fine. I just need a little time is all.”

“That’s good to know. If you ever need someone to talk to though, this town is super-friendly. I’m sure you could find someone to talk to. I’m sure you noticed that by now anyway.”

Stealer realized that he hadn’t noticed anything about the town. He had been too busy looking for Jiff. However, he simply nodded his head in agreement.

“Hey Joey.” Fox said. “With all this talk about girlfriends, where’s Squeak? I haven’t seen her.”

“I’m right here.” Squeak said as she popped out of Joey’s head fur. “Sorry if I’ve been quiet, but I haven’t gotten much sleep the last few days. I plan on catching up during Bino’s speech.”

Stealer looked back to Fox. “Speaking of Bino, you haven’t told me a lot about him. He’s the club president, right? What’s he like?”“Well…” Fox chose his words carefully. “He’s… interesting.”

“Interesting how?” Stealer asked.

“I- Ummm…” Fox struggled to find the right words. “I think that you should just wait to meet him. It’s kind of hard to describe him. Without saying what a jerk he can sometimes be.” Fox silently added.

The three dogs and Squeak kept talking until the clubhouse came into view. They were so involved in the conversation that they almost walked right by.

Stealer looked at it and was impressed. He had been expecting an old shed or something, but the clubhouse had two stories, was well maintained, and seemed big enough to actually hold a meeting with every dog in town. And that was good, because the sky looked like it was going to start raining at any second.

The three dogs walked in and all sat down and waited for the meeting to start.

After Fido told Sabrina about Prowler, they went and found Tarot. The three of them decided that they should find Prowler as soon as they could. They had spent the last day looking, and they were all tired.

“Maybe he left town.” Fido said. “We haven’t found any trace of him at all.”

“He’s here.” A voice said from behind Fido. Fido turned around to see who it was.

It was Ralph. “He didn’t leave yet. He’s just hiding. He’s waiting for a specific dog to show up.”

Fido was speechless. Only a few days ago Ralph was almost beyond the point of rational thought. Now he was here, in total control.

It was hard to surprise Fido, but this did it. He was struggling to find anything that he could say.

Tarot was the first to ask anything. “Are you sure that he’s still here? We’ve looked all over and haven’t found anything.”

“I’m sure.” Ralph stated. “He was waiting for someone to come.”

“Was it a friend or foe?” Tarot asked.

“I don’t know.” Ralph said as he looked at the ground. “All I know is that he was waiting.”

He looked back at Tarot. “And that he’s been waiting for a long time.”

“Well it’s great that we know this.” Sabrina said. “But where is he?”

Ralph now looked at Sabrina. “I don’t know, but we can find out. KEVIN!”

Kevin came running over from around the corner. He was holding something in his hand. A red collar.

Fido finally found his voice when he realized what it must have been. “That’s the collar that Prowler was wearing when you fought him, isn’t it?”

“It is.” Ralph answered. “It has the tag and everything.”

“I have a scent.” Kevin said. “But it’s weak. We were following it when we saw you. We have to go now, if it starts raining before we find him, it’ll wash the sent away.”

Tarot didn’t need any more convincing. “Let’s go.” She said.

-----

Bino was pacing back and forth at the clubhouse, listening to the conversation of all of the dogs that had gathered.

He was in the back, counting the minutes until the meeting was supposed to start.

Only ten minutes until the meeting starts. That means Kyria should be here in about fifteen. Man, I would do just about anything to not have to be here right now. I don’t think anyone will do anything to her, but what about me?

If I don’t explain the loophole just right, it will look like I’m trying to let her stay. Everyone will think I’m a cat-lover. They will probably kick me out and elect a new president. Maybe they’ll just leave the club.

That’s what they’ll do. They’ll leave it and go start another club, one that wasn’t founded by a cat-loving dog. And then Prowler will come and say that’s it’s my fault that Kyria can’t come to the club anymore, then put me in a wheelchair for the rest of my life.

“AHHH!”

Stop thinking like that! This whole thing has me distracted! I haven’t even prepared a speech on anything. What am I going to do when I get in front of everyone? I know that I’m too distracted to make one up on the spot.

Bino looked at the clock.

Well, I guess I’m going to find out. It’s time to go.

-----

The dogs have stopped entering the clubhouse. It seems to have gotten quiet inside the building too.

Kyria stood up and started walking toward the door.

I guess it’s now or never. Time to go in.

-----

Bino stood in front of the gathered members of the GODC. This was the first time he could ever remember being nervous while speaking as club president.

“I- I would like to thank everyone for coming on such short notice of the meeting being moved. It- I- Ummm… I don’t have anything ready today to talk about. Uhhh… But I will talk to you all about… er- something…”

No one said anything. They could tell that he was a nervous wreck. Between his strange sentences and constant Umm’s and Uhhh’s, he was simply speaking in circles.

While he was self-centered and usually had the longest, most boring speeches, he was good at speaking in public. Nothing like this had ever happened with any of his weekly speeches.

Everyone started to whisper and mumble to each other, wondering what could have done this to him, and should they be worried about it?

Between Bino’s speech and all of the whispering, no one noticed Kyria walk in the back door.

She simply stood in the back, watching everything that was going on.

It wasn’t until Bino noticed her and froze, mid sentence, and stared at her.

When everyone turned to see what Bino was staring at, they saw a nervous looking Kyria standing there.

Almost immediately, there was more whispering between the members, wondering why a cat was standing in the back of the clubhouse.

Eventually, one of the dogs called out “Go home, this is the Good Ol Dogs Club!”

“I don’t want to.” Kyria said without hesitation.

A different dog stood up and said “If you don’t want to leave, I’ll make you leave.”

“You wouldn’t touch a lady now, would you?” Kyria asked.

The dog stopped. “You’re right.” He muttered as he sat back down.

Bino was actually impressed with how Kyria was handling herself. Other than refusing to leave, she wasn’t doing anything to get on anyone’s nerves. She stood her ground, but wasn’t being aggressive at all. Some of these dogs could learn a thing of two from her. Bino thought.

But then, another dog stood up and said “If we can’t make you leave, I’ll go find someone who can.”

“NO!” Bino quickly cried out.

Everyone turned to look at him.

“I mean, the meeting has already started. No member may leave until it’s over.”

There was an uproar in the clubhouse. Things like “Oh, come on!” and “You’re just going to let this cat stay here?!” and some other not so PG-13 things.

As if the uproar triggered something, Bino suddenly acted like the leader he was right now.“EVERYONE SIT AND BE QUIET!”

Their pack instincts kicking in, everyone listened to the current alpha male in the room, Bino. He was no longer babbling like a nervous kid giving a science project presentation. His tone of voice showed that he meant business right now.

“Just because a cat wandered in here does not mean we can break the established rules. What are we if we decide not to listen to the rules because it causes us a minor inconvenience? If we start breaking them for what seem like “good reasons” at the time, pretty soon we will start breaking them for not-so-good reasons. They will eventually just become a set of guidelines to follow when we feel like it.

“Are you all telling me that you can’t handle a cat watching one of our meetings? The rule states that no member may leave unless it’s an emergency.”

Bino seemed to look at everyone at once as he said “So unless someone has a broken leg, no one is leaving. A cat listening to our meeting is not an emergency, it’s just annoying is all.”

While not all of the dogs may have agreed with him, no one dared to question him right now. He was the alpha male, and was doing a very good job at it. To question him right now would only lead to trouble.

The entire room was quiet until a Grey husky with a dark patch of fur on his back stood up and said “The rules say that no MEMBER can leave, right?”

Kyria just looked at the dog, then back to Bino when he went “… Yes. That is the rule.”

Then her eyes went back to the grey dog when he said “Well, I haven’t officially joined the club yet. This is my first meeting.”

Bino and Kyria both knew where this was heading before the dog even had to say it.

“Because I’m not a member yet, I could escort her out, right?”

There was an immediate uproar of agreement from the rest of the club. Everyone agreed that this would be the best option for getting rid of the cat.

Bino looked at Kyria. He could see the look, no, the plea in her face. A plea that said ‘Don’t let him do this to me. You need to do something.’

But Bino had no other choice. The entire club was in an uproar over this. If he said no at this point, it would only make him look like he was trying to let the cat in the club.

He hoped that Kyria would understand as he said “Go ahead and escort her out.”

Bino gave one last look at her, and all he could see was the look of betrayal on her face. Kyria turned and ran out of the club herself, not knowing where she was going, or caring.

Even though she was gone, all Bino could see was the look of betrayal she gave him.

Somehow, that look was even worse than looking into Prowler’s eyes.

She had trusted him, she had looked forward to this all week, and he just let some dog be able to take her away. He didn’t even care that Prowler would inflict massive pain on him for this, he just wanted Kyria to forgive him.

Not caring about the meeting anymore, Bino jumped down and ran to go look for Kyria.

I have to find her. He thought. I have to explain to her why I had to do that.

-----

Stealer stood back up.

“Where are you going?” Fox asked him.

“I’m going to go and find either Bino or that cat that I offered to escort out. I don’t know what just happened here, but I have a feeling it’s partly my fault for making that offer. I want to straighten things out with both of them.”

“Well, I’ll come along too.” Fox said. “Bino hasn’t been acting like himself lately, and I want to find out what’s been going on.”

“I’ll come too.” Joey said. “Bino is my brother. He may not be the nicest dog in the world, but he’s still family. I have to try and help if something might be wrong.”

The three dogs snuck out of the meeting, which was now just a scene of confusion since Bino seemed to run out for no reason.

-----

That jerk! He was going to let that dog kick me out!

Kyria had ended up in the park. Due to the heavy cloud cover that promised rain sometime soon, there was no one playing in the park. There was hardly anyone outside at all.

To think that I just wanted to spend some time with him!

She ran underneath a big tree and sat down, leaning her back on the trunk, knees tucked into her chest. The fetal position.

Why did I ever think that he would let me watch the meeting? I’m a cat, he’s a dog. He’s not the kind to fall in love with a cat. He-he…

Kyria started to cry.

Why did this have to happen to me? All I wanted to do was spend some time with him. It’s not like I’m a bad pet of anything.

“I- I just wanted to get to know him better.” Kyria said out loud.

Suddenly, as if waiting for that exact sentence, a black dog appeared out of seemingly nowhere in front of Kyria.

It smiled an evil grin as it said “You can get to know me better if you want.” while it reached to grab her.

Kyria screamed.

END

I give Silentprincess828 credit for reviewing my story for mistakes.

Yea, this is getting dark. But don't worry, it'll get better soon. But not for a while... (If you see any mistakes with the italics for showing thoughts, please let me know. I always miss something with that.)

_________________The best cymbal player ever has spoken.

JeffCvt is a copyright of jeffcvt inc. and not to be reproduced without the express written consent of CBS and jeff cvt.

Last edited by JeffCvt on Mon May 21, 2012 8:31 am, edited 2 times in total.

Thu May 17, 2012 9:05 pm

sean21

Joined: Mon Jan 09, 2012 4:10 pmPosts: 210Location: Roswell

Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within

i have alot of things to say

1. i would enjoy reading Silentprincess's fiction.

2. your doing fine, easy readable is what i go for, along with a good story.

3. i've been woundering why Prowler tried helping Bino if he was evil.

4. Prowler seems to be like a plague; feeding on the misery of the town.

“Yes.” Prowler said. “I never intended to help you, Bino, or anyone. I only played along so you would let me stay in this doghouse that you have and bring me some food. I actually enjoyed watching Max and Bino break down right in front of me as I threatened them.”

That's the reason he gave.

And I'm surprised that no one made a comment about a black dog appearing out of nowhere with an evil grin...

_________________The best cymbal player ever has spoken.

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