Sunday, March 15, 2009

At 11.30 pm i wanted to write, i want to write a post, its raining, Alone at home, i kept listening to the rain drops, the sounds, the silence, and i wanted to listen to the songs from my phone but which one? I started checking the list..." Megha chaye aadhi raat, bairan hogayii nindiya.. bathaa main kya karoon.." or "teraa meraa pyar amar, fir kyon mujhko lagtha hain darr..." or "Musaafir hoon main yaaron. na ghar hain na tikaana.." or naam gumjaayega, chehraa ye badal jayega.." or "Aanewaala pal, jaanewala hain" 74 songs and i just kept checking and then it came, the one which made me getup and switch on my laptop again.

Kept listening to the song again and again, started typing but all those lines which i frmaed mentally are gone now. blank again!!!! I dont know what to write or i forgot.The next song started on my music player, its a tamil song, from my favourite movie "Mounaraagam" All these days i wanted the telugu verson of it, and today when i found it i realised i dont want to listen to it. i will stick to what i was listening to before. Same singer, same lyricist and music director i guess but somewhere something was missing. Happens, does it happen with you? same but not the same?I am the same old person but i heard a friend saying " You changed" Maybe i did. Or maybe not. Who has the time or need to think. I like just the flow of it, of life i mean. What may seem right today may feel utter foolish in future. there is nothing called right or wrong. Its situational. Now i feel better. I stopped arguing, fighting for anything, using words, i keep mum, silent, busy with my readers digest and music when at work, with my tv or novel when at home. I feel good, i feel fine, i am happy this way too:) I dont miss anything, Today i am happy, as always.

Music never can make me sad. It only makes me silent, it takes me back to memories and then there i feel my eyes are moist:) I am listening to "Hum the jinke sahaare, woh hue na humaare, doobi jab dil ki nayaa,........ and i know the one next in the list..." Ek main aur ek thu hain,aur hawa mein jadoo hain" i can listen to both one after the other.

I dont want to write now, i dont know if i will write again, i dont remember i have a blog many times, i do read other blogs, but silent, no comments, just vanish. I dont know why but my favourite word always would be "Silence" Maybe thats why when i started blogging..i called it "Expressions of Silence"

I wont say goodbye, but then who knows............ I suddenly tried remembering bloggers who now left blog world, we tried keeping in touch, and then slowly it started fading away, the emotions, the feeling. Busy is the word. there are so many. Do they remember me? I still do. I guess i will remember everyone who made a difference, at Akruti or now at Alapana.

I want to come back but now i dont believe in Promises. Don't wait for me, But will u be here when i come back? i hate empty houses, but then i am the first one to leave...... Maybe good bye:)