Showing Love

December 14, 2007

By Kela W., Nicholasville, KY

What if it wasn’t so hard to show? What is “it” exactly? It’s love. Something said often but not really shown. I always hear people saying “I love you” to people in the halls. I never see them showing it though. I believe that love and affection are difficult to show. When I was growing up, my birth father was never really around. My brother and I would go to his house to see him on weekends. Half the time he wasn’t even there. I had to be with his family. He would tell me he loved me, but I didn’t really believe it. He showed more love towards his step-sons, than he did to us. He was always with them and I figured that’s why it was easier for him to express himself. So I tried to not be so hurt by it, because of that. Some people have weird ways of expressing things like love.

After being in the situation where someone couldn’t show me they loved me, I didn’t know if I could show someone else how I feel about them. My first impression of Brandon was that he was cute, sly, and cool. And he stood up for me all the time. A few weeks ago he wrote me a note and in it asked me out. The note was so sweet; I was shocked at how sweet this guy who acted so hard was being. I told him I had to think about it. He didn't think I liked him because of how I acted. But deep down, I was bursting inside. I didn’t know how to express to him that I really did like him. It scared me to tell him. How I was taught and the fear of saying too much overwhelmed my feelings.

The difficulty of expressing myself is too much. From when I was five, my brother has always called me names and said I was fat. And since I was ten he is has been even worse. I always try to be nice to him and help him out. But he is rude to me and gets on my case. I used to wake up and make us breakfast and then clean the dishes. But now its even worse, I try to love him and be kind. He shoots me down every time. Rejection is a thing I can’t get over and it’s taught me to not express my feelings.

In my experiences, love and affection are inside and wanting to be expressed, but hard to get out. They need to be expressed. Fear of rejection shouldn’t always be holding us back.

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