The World of Ferlan

Strife. Tension. Division. And a party with a love for puns.

The Hell Did I Get Myself Into?

"A cleric who doesn't care and a fighter who put me in a sack. This might not end well."

11

JUL/10

The following is an excerpt from Enzo Antigone’s personal journal.

Man, I cannot believe that my cat, Labath the Blue, would do that to me. Seriously! That jive turkey was mah best friend for nearly three or four years now. I thought I could trust a cat that been hangin’ ‘round that long. He stole everything from me while I was sleeping. Everything! I jus’ can’t believe that. Nigga even got my ring of protection. He prolly drugged my soup that night or summat. I’m amazed I made it through the woods with no bow and no bling. I’m jus’ that good I guess.

So yea, I met dese cats I been hearin’ a lot about, the Ass Kickers Anonymous. Their name is pretty kick ass, but they’re a bunch of jerks. See, I met ‘em right after mah main man, Taggy passed away. Sad shit, man. They said he drowned, but I’m nearly pos’tive that they killed him. There be no way in hell that that cat would let some lame water kill ‘im. They din’t even seem sad, which makes me think even harder ‘bout them killin’ Taggy. When I came ‘cross dese cats even the friggin’ cleric was nonplussed about his death.

Well, Taggy’s dogs Baggy and Saggy jumped all ove’ me so I s’pose that meant that they wanted me to take care of ‘em. I fo’ sho’ wasn’t leavin’ ‘em alone with that Ingrid chick or that Vick dude. They prolly woulda killed ‘em like they killed Taggy. Anyway, after the dogs started on me, it seemed like they wanted me to take Taggy’s stuff, and hell, I had nothin’ thanks to Labath so I nabbed it. The two last niggas of the A.K.A. and The Steve(formerly Steven) said it be cool if I went with ‘em for a while. I’m still with ‘em, ‘cause shit, they need me.

After an adorable sermon from a wolf puppy we hit da woods ‘cause Crescent Lake was beat. It was all yippin’ and praisin’ an’ getting’ the sperit of Derone in all of us. All fo’ty nine niggas in dat town cheered. Then Derone hiself came through a door and gave his own sermon. Shit was so cash.

A few damned awesome things happened while we was out in da woods, man. One of dem happen to be where The Steve got his name The Steve. A motha’ of a wyvern came after us. Me? I shot dat nigga with my bow. He din’t like that. The friggin’ cleric hid behind his shield and the fighter stood around with her sword up her…yeah. I had that wyvern screamin’ fo’ it’s mommy by the time The Steve got done turnin’ hiself into a fifteen foot tall werebear. I figgered that he’d beat it when it came down an’ I’d finish it off with a arrow to the brain. After all, I nearly had it dead as was. Hell naw, dawg. That nigga bear jumped on top a the wyvern and rode it sometin’ like a thousand five hundred feet in the air oh’ so before killing it. The Steve rode a wyvern to death! He fell that whole way and lived! Friggin’ miracle if ye ask me. I ran over to the wyvern’s corpse that he landed in and axed him how he felt. That crazy nigga asked fo’ his battleaxe so he could carve up the body! Thus, The Steve, ya hear?

We wound up in the Swamp of Sorrow after that. Look, ah know ah’m not the tallest brother around, but wading in that swamp, gawd damn! That swampy stuff was nearly touchin’ my chin! Can a brother get a ‘ew’? While wanderin’ round that place we all got knocked the hell down and there was this nigga standin’ there. He looked like he knew these A.K.A. fellas. They said some shit, I wasn’t payin’ attention. Then he started transformin’ or summat like that. Everyon’ thinks I ran away, but I just got out of his vision so I could take him out when he was done and least espected it. Kapow! Nobody espects the halfling arrow inquisition!

Aftah that we hoofed it for Shacklefix. It was time to let some high ups know what was goin’ down. That meant my phat man, Fat man. He was not happy ‘bout what was goin’ on so he sealed off Shacklefix from the world, including us. I saw Shift on our way out, poor brotha was traumatized at Taggy’s death. Shit, everyone who heard (‘side from the cleric and fighter) was heartbroken. That little nigga had some pull in the world. I wish I coulda spent some ‘venturin’ time with Taggy but I guess I’ll jus’ keep his friends (if they were his friends) in line. It’s the least I could do.