"Yes, you shift millions of DVDs by having Danny Dyer in it," says producer James Harris. "But do you ever actually make a credible film? With a title like Cockneys vs. Zombies, we got a lot of offers earlier on: 'We'll do it for 200 grand, smack it out of DVD really quickly.' When you're casting, you have all these guys come in. I remember we were sitting there going, 'Uhhh. Oh no. In too many DVDs...' But with the script being really good, we managed to hold out."

2. It does star amazing old people

You thought The Expendables 2 had a good cast? Try this... Pussy Galore from Goldfinger (Honor Blackman, 86 years old). Bricktop from Snatch (Alan Ford, 77 years old). Tom Good from The Good Life (Richard Briers, 78). Tinker from Lovejoy (Dudley Sutton, 79). "And does anyone remember T-Bag, the children's TV series?" asks Harris. "We've got T-Bag." That would be BAFTA-winning Georgina Hale, a spritely 68 years old. "Richard Briers looks so old," muses Harris as he watches Briers shuffling past on a zimmer frame. "We've paid outrageously high insurance..."

3. The plot is mental

Where do we start? With a bank robbery. Two brothers (Harry Treadaway, Rasmus Hardiker) attempt to save their grandparents' old people's home by heisting a bank, but find their plans scuppered by a zombie outbreak that engulfs London. "It goes a little bit Pete Tong and they're like, 'Sh*t, right, actually the money's not important anymore," explains Hardiker. "We've got to save our grandparents." How? "We kill some zombies." And with a little help from grime star Ashley Bashy Thomas.

"He plays Mental Mickey," says Hardiker. "Watch out for him. He does some really questionable sh*t..."

4. This isn't Shaun Of The Dead

Honestly, it isn't. "It's always going to get compared to Shaun Of The Dead in some ways," admits Harris. "But Pirates Of The Caribbean has always been the reference we've used. We've always said it's not an out-and-out comedy, it's an adventure movie. It's a romp. It's like trying to mix Lock Stock with a zombie film. If you try and imitate Shaun Of The Dead, you're just screwed. There's no way."

And whatever you say about it, Shaun Of The Dead never had Richard Briers mowing down zombies with an Uzi.

5. Michelle Ryan brandishes a Samurai sword

"Yeah, a samurai sword, couple of machine guns and a Glock," says Michelle Ryan, showing us the ridiculous amount of weaponry she's armed with. Several bloodily severed limbs are lying on the ground next to her. "We've rescued the pensioners, the bank job's happened, we've lost a couple of people along the way and this is the survival moment," says Ryan, of the scene they're about to shoot. "Katie is the leader," she adds, "so she's protected." No kidding.

6. Slow zombies (and slightly slower pensioners)

Today's scene? The gang have just escaped on a double-decker bus and they're running toward a boat. All, that is, except Richard Briers.

He's on a zimmer frame, taking three times longer than everybody else, while incredibly slow zombies 'chase' him. "Every zombie film that comes out these days is a fast zombie film," says Harris. "We didn't want to do that. All our zombies are slow. If you ever watch a slow zombie film, nobody actually ever dies because the zombies are any good. Everyone dies because they bicker and horrifically f*ck themselves over!"

7. There will be blood

"It's cartoony violence that you can get away with," says Harris. "Evil Dead 2, Braindead, we talked about those sort of films. There's loads of bloodwork on it. They all have these guns and they're chopping heads off and legs off." And that's just for starters.

"Screwing heads off," says Treadaway. "Shooting them in between the eyes. We've run a few over. Decapitation with a shovel." He points to his blood splattered shirt. "This is zombie blood. I've been stabbing some zombies." Anything else? Harris thinks. "Head-butting an old woman!"

Guns. Lots of guns.

"They tool up with before they go to the old people's home," says Harris. "Hamish has a machine gun taped to his zimmer frame. There are knife's on Eric's wheelhcair. Alan Ford is literally never more natural-looking than when he has a machine gun in his hands. Very strange." "Yeah, I've got qualities of leadership - so I have to have a big gun," says Ford. "There's just so much action. Thousands of zombies. My character takes the lead in fighting back." He catches IGN starring at his gore-splattered suit. "This blood? It's all theirs."

9. Cockneys vs Nazis

It's one of cinema's age-old truisms: no film can't be improved by the addition of Nazi. Cockneys Vs Zombies knows this - and it has a special surprise in store. "At the beginning in the tomb where the zombie outbreak comes from, there's a flashback of young Alan Ford going into a Nazi bunker and killing all these Nazis," reveals Harris.

"During casting, completely by fluke, he turned up." Who turned up?

"The Nazi officer from Raiders Of The Lost Ark whose face melts off! We were like, 'Oh my God...' He's amazing."

10. Dudley Sutton drops the C-bomb

Cockneys swear a lot, right? "Absolutely," says Ford.

"Abso-fucking-lutely. It's perfect for me. Look, it's got zombies in the title. It ain't f***ing Chekov, is it?" Indeed. Which was a slight concern to some of the more genteel members of the film's cast. "When Honor Blackman first came in, she was like, 'There is a lot of swearing in this.'" remembers Harris. "We're gonna go 15. That's why we can only say c**t once. I think Dudley Sutton gets it." And with that, IGN's day on set is over. And Ford has one parting thought for our write-up: