Religion and Personal Relationships

So two of my ex-girlfriends and my current girlfriend are all religious and have one point or another sat me down on a couch and asked me, "You don't belive in Jesus do you." In my head Im resisting the urge to laugh and say, "no fucking way," but out of respect i restrained myself and explained calmly that i am atheist and no i do not believe in Jesus. Well i hope you can all see where this discussion went. To the point however i would like to ask you guys if any of you have had this predicament and how did you deal with it. I do love my girlfriend very much but she is highly religious and has no intention of allowing me to stay "ignorant of her lord and savior." What do mentlegen?

Can't say that I have been in that position exactly, but communicating expectations is key here. If she expects to convert you or you her, things will never work out. If you plan to procreate and have very differing views on how to raise a child, things will be difficult, at best.

You probably can make a long term relationship work with a theist, but remember that there are so many fish in the sea and you will care for others as much, if not more, than those you have known so far. In other words, don't be afraid to move on. It might be best to partner with a mate that shares your core values.

I've had excellent sex with religious people, but I've never had excellent 'relationships' with religious people. Why? Conversations regarding values are a integral part of the daily me.

In the past, having great sex and fun with religious people has been confused with love, they are not always easy to distinguish... but I think that when you really really consider your true identity, the values that define 'you', it's impossible to be truly 'in love', completely, with the a religious human. IMHO, this is an example of being 'in love' with our 'projection' of that human, our biased and tainted perceptions of that human. I am convinced that it is exactly this inability of humans to recognise this fundamental bias causing our erroneous perception of the 'others dues to lust and co-dependence, is the greatest cause of divorce (or whatever equivalent) in our society.

I don't believe any relationship between a believer and a non-believer has any real potential, other than short term fun and entertainment.

I've made it in the door of religious homes, but never into the hearts. It's clear very early on to religionists that I'm not religious and the confrontation will take place if they have felt that they could save me. The one that got the furthest was younger than me. Eventually we had to have the conversation very directly that who I was would never change. While her church is cool, I don't find the message cool. It's exclusionary based solely on acceptance of a story. I've lost out on many great girls in my life due to this. In the end, I found an Atheist whom was the right match and these conversations are now more of a chorus, "Jesus loves us," lulz "A man lived in a whale." lulz I'm afraid that I wouldn't look back and change my decision because biting my tongue when Bachman speaks might lead to me overflowing with WTF's.

I wish you the best of luck. I'm simply saying for me it wouldn't work, but for you, if they have to ask, maybe it's feasible with some serious thought before you speak, everyday for the rest of your life. Dad, Mommy says that Jonah lived in a whale! Son, ask Mommy where the 33,000 cubic feet of air came from over those three days. Be sure to let her know that you respect her opinion!

I don't see how she can be so dismissive of your nonbelief if she loves you. Again, a fine, fine example of the arrogance and lack of humble pie most religious people have. Honestly? Run. Run the other way and fine yourself a nice atheist. You'll never be able to go the distance with someone who is in a committed relationship with Santa Claus.

You can deal with her rationally and use her knowledge of the bible to enhance your own. The bible

is a flawed document based on unreality and you can politely dispute her entreaties by explaining why the bible and jesus doesn't work. Try to keep the discussion healthy and off an emotional reactive level.

I recently had a conversation about this very thing with a girl whom I like VERY much The context of the discussion was that her passionately-held Christian beliefs and my total lack of belief probably created an impregnable barrier between two people like us. She sadly agreed. And that's just the way it is.

Interfaith relationships can work, but certain factors have to be correct for them to work out. I am actually married to a Wiccan, and while we agree on plenty of things, there are some where we don't. But we respect what each other think, and make no attempt to change the others mind. If you can have that kind of mutual agreement, you can live in harmony in you Atheist and Christian situation. But if she is dead-set to make you 'see the light', or isn't willing to accept your Atheism then there will be a problem. If there can't be that agreement at this early juncture, then it will only get worse if the relationship progresses to something more serious. Say, if you have kids. You will want to your kid to think for themselves and make up their own mind. But she'll want to baptize, go through all the religious education, and indoctrinate indoctrinate indoctrinate. If you get stuck in that situation, everyone loses. So you have to ask yourself if your willing to accept and respect her belief. It you can, you next have to sit down and ask her the same question. If she is willing to let you be you, and not try to convert you then I think you should give it a go if you love her. If she's not, it's best to cut your losses why you can.

Tell her the facts of the matter about her so-called holy book. Such as ..........The earth is not flat. it is neither the center of the solar system, nor the universe. It is more than 6k yrs old, and took longer than 6 days to come into being. There is no such place as the garden of Eden, or Mt Sion. The flood never happened, and neither did the exodus. The Jews did not then, and do not now, expect their messiah to be born of a virgin, or be anything other than a worldly leader.There was no such place as Nazareth in 1st century Palestine and there is absolutely nothing original in the dying/resurrecting man/god stories of the new testament. All this of course is just for starters.

Then you can assure her that you are crazy about her and have no problem that she insists on believing this stuff anyway.

Had the same problem occur to me last year in my first year of college. I had a new start and became interested in this girl involved in the same program as me. I gradually tried to let go of my introverted ways and build something meaningful with her. Everything was going smoothly and mutual interest formed between us.

One day, however, she happened upon my Facebook info and took note of my religious views (listed as "agnostic atheist"). This prompted many tense discussions and unnecessary judgments. At one point she even pleaded that I go to a church group on campus with her (which I did, though it was purely to see what sort of brainwashing took place at the collegiate level). Things only got more bitter after that point because of my indifference to the event.

As of this year, we're now simply friends (we more or less "agreed to disagree." I hate that saying, by the way). We remain friends (insofar as I can tell) not because of a natural bond, but because we work together on a day-to-day basis in our program where ignoring the other person would foster unneeded misery. It's a terrible shame, really, how an otherwise irrelevant belief can rupture something like love—or, at least, what I thought was love.

In retrospect, I find it funny how I even allowed myself to go to that petty gathering for the sake of appeasing her ridiculous beliefs. "Saving" me was apparently more important than acknowledging the feelings we had for each other. She concluded that I was the "wrong path" for her to go down, refusing to get physical at all in fear of it being "morally" wrong with an atheist. You know what I think is wrong? Someone who denies their own feelings.