Scorpio AF #1

Sex and death. Death and mystery. And sex. And secrets. And sex.

Yawn.

I am constantly annoyed by every article or video regarding Scorpio because they seem to all be generated from a single, common, very generalized, source. And you cannot generalize with Scorpio. It seems to me that these people who write those articles and produce those videos have actually never known a Scorpio or perhaps, only one, during their entire lives. They just read some bullshit astrology book and parrot that crap like it’s gospel.

Let me state that I am not an astrologer. I am, even now, studying and trying to get a grip on this extremely complicated and very deep subject. But if I know anything, I know Scorpios. I’m surrounded by them.

Scary prospect, right?

But not really. My own Moon is in Scorpio, which actually can be quite scary to many people. I admit to being a very intimidating person when I was young. And I can still be if that is called for. But the Moon has some profound lessons in its plan for people with a Scorpio moon placement. This intimidation factor very quickly begins to evolve into an understanding that one is actually not the epitome of perfection dealing with the ignorance of the rest of the entire human race, but rather a stellar example of a major asshole with a power complex and very little self-awareness. This understanding usually begins to rear its horrible head during our Saturn Return and it can be crippling for a time.

As I’ve stated before, my long-time soulmate is a Scorpio sun/Cancer moon/Scorpio Mercury. My son has his Venus in Scorpio. His life partner has Scorpio rising. My husband’s brother is a Scorpio sun as well as his wife. My father-in-law was a Scorpio sun. My maternal grandmother was a Scorpio sun. My stepmother is a Scorpio sun. And my next door neighbor and good friend is a Scorpio sun as well. One of my best friends in the world that I worked with for years was a Scorpio sun.

And every one of them is essentially unlike the rest.

My hubs fascinates me, though. Even after all this time, and now that we’re getting older and wrinklier, he’s just as sexy and appealing to me today as he was almost 17 years ago. I’d never met anyone like him and I can clearly remember the first time I laid eyes on him. I’ve never been very forthcoming in letting anyone know right up front that I’m attracted to them. I want to know what I’m getting into. And when I met my husband, I didn’t want to get into anything. I’d had too many absolutely disastrous relationships to want more. I had made up my mind that I could, and would spend the rest of my life single. The universe operates in astonishing and unexpected ways. It’s almost as if as soon as I clearly resolved in my mind that I COULD be alone and realized that I was actually enjoying living on my own terms in my own, possibly dysfunctional, but authentic way…this gorgeous man walked by. And little did I know that my life would never be the same.

He was very tall, dark and handsome. He had earrings. He had shoulder-length, curly hair. He had a goatee. He had tattoos. He rode a Harley. He was quiet pushing silent. And there was that Mona Lisa smile like something nice and interesting was going on in that mind of his.

I was a flirt then and, I realize now, I flirted in a very Scorpionic way. I asked lots of provocative questions and diverted or evaded questions about me. I did then, and still do, dislike anyone openly flirting with me or asking me lots of questions. It’s an instant turn-off. Partly because it’s telling. If they’re flirting with me, they’re flirting with everyone. Yes, double-standard. But Scorpionic people live by double standards to a certain degree. Also, it’s expected. Everyone flirts so when someone comes along who doesn’t, it was extremely interesting and attractive to me.

Hubs didn’t flirt. In fact, he hardly spoke to me. I could read everyone but here was a man that gave off no signals, had a perfect poker face…and I could not get a bead on him. This really peaked my interest because this was something new. I have to admit that at first, this was simply a little diversion. I had had my fill of men, dating and that whole game. Every relationship was doomed, in my opinion then, based on my past experience. Either it ended disastrously or people lived their lives with someone they couldn’t stand, much less love. I wasn’t going down that road again.

Enter Scorpio. Stage left, of course. 🙄

We met at work and one day he actually spoke to me. After all my lurid flirtations and innuendo, to which he’d only respond with that half smile and those sleepy, black eyes, he asked me if I’d give him a ride home. His ride was in the shop.

Scorpios are honest. They may evade telling the truth, or skew it in such a manner as to mitigate consequences…but their nature is honesty. When I let him off in his driveway and I sat in my car making small talk with him, he suddenly said ‘I really want to kiss you right now’. I was caught off guard. Nothing in his demeanor so far had given me any indication that he was interested. NOTHING. And although I was intrigued, I didn’t know this man and a kiss seemed entirely inappropriate at that moment and I told him so…gently.

The next week, he rode his big Harley to work and when we got off work, he asked me if I’d like to go for a ride. It was early April and at night it was still pretty chilly and I only had a small, thin jacket. We started out and, not knowing that this big bike was unlike the dirt bikes I’d ridden as a kid where falling off the back was a distinct possibility, I put my arms around his waist. Just a couple of miles down the road, he did something that will be forever burned into my psyche as one of the most important and singular events in my entire life. He cupped his free hand over mine, only barely touching me so as not to imply anything romantic such as hand holding. He cupped his hand so gently over mine…simply to keep my hands warm.

Sounds silly, right? No one…and I do mean NO ONE…had ever done anything so kind, so thoughtful, so quietly compassionate for me in my entire life. That simple gesture moved me in ways that I was completely unfamiliar with.

It was to be about three weeks later when we finally had a truly romantic encounter. Yes, I was quickly becoming fascinated. But I was not sold. He grabbed on to me with everything he had but the defenses of a Scorpio Moon person are nearly limitless, especially after they’ve been hurt to the core…repeatedly. Talk about getting stung by Scorpio….dealing with a moon in Scorpio can be like getting strapped into an electric chair and I’m not joking. I ignored quite a few of his calls simply because I didn’t want him to think he ‘had’ me.

He knew what was going on. But he also knew what he wanted and I’ll never forget the day when he laid out his selling points like he was a damned good Buick, more than worthy of a test drive. It was a rather lengthy conversation but the statement I remember the clearest was that ‘I know how to love a woman and take care of her the right way’. He made it clear that he wasn’t bragging…it was just a fact. Wow.

I had to smile when he said that. Something about him was so damned sweet, so confident, so sure of himself. He said so little that these statements carried huge weight with me. But I was not looking to be ‘taken care of’. Allowing someone that kind of control and power over me was not appealing and about a week later, I tried to let him down easy. I truly liked this man…a lot. But my opinion of myself was that he was just too good for me. I would utterly destroy this man and his well laid out life. Everywhere I went, I left that trail of destruction in my wake. I had reached that point in life where I was actually considering someone else’s feelings and I was beginning to understand the part that I had played in the failures of my past. I didn’t think that I could give this man the love that he so obviously deserved and needed. And I laid all these things out for him as clearly as I could. At this point, I did care for him. But I wanted to save him from myself and his ultimate destruction.

Well, that was a big, freaking mistake. I wrote this all to him in an email. I got a reply almost instantly and it was withering. He told me, in a way that left no room for misunderstanding, that he was a grown ass man who could decide for himself what he could handle and what he couldn’t. He didn’t need me to ‘save him’ and he certainly didn’t appreciate my taking what was CLEARLY his choice out of his hands. He would appreciate my allowing him to make his own decisions about his own life, thank you very much. If I didn’t want to see him anymore, fine. Say that. Don’t make out like I was doing him a solid because he was too stupid to know what he was getting into.

I think that maaaaaay have been the moment that I fell for this man. He was not a pushover. He respected himself and he made intelligent, coherent decisions and statements that actually made damned good sense. He was boss and I really liked that. Because I was boss, too. Every man I’d been involved with to that date had been soft and insecure and completely unable to defend themselves against me. In romantic relationships, as in all relationships, if I didn’t feel a clear source of worthy and respectable power and direction, I’d step in and take the helm. I’m not going to be led around by the nose. I have always trusted myself more than anyone else…except my Scorpio. I’d trust this man with my life, the lives of my children, and everything I have because I know he’ll care for it all as much as I do. And he’s the only person I trust to do it better than I could.