Friday, December 31, 2010

snow falls quietly

Elliot always liked the fact that he could be himself with Amanda. It wasn't like that with anybody else.

He'd always had to be who he was thought he had to be. Why, a gentleman, of course. Naturally, somewhere down the line, he was an artist too. And well, he couldn't help it, if he could make a girl smile with one look. It was what came after that, that took so much work. He guessed.

But it wasn't like that with Amanda. He remembered the first time he met her. It was when no one could find Ellie. And she didn't treat him like some girl who was bound to get his phone number. Instead, she was all concerned about Ellie and him. Was he OK? How was he feeling? No one asked him stuff like that. Then she made him hot chocolate. And he knew then, he wished he could have that. Instead of being just plain ordinary eye-candy that someone was using to get back at her ex-boyfriend. Now, he'd stopped trying to figure out Ellie a long time ago.

What had he done? Had he just given up when he found Amanda? Sure, he'd stolen other guys' girlfriends before, but it was pretty much an accident. And usually once the luster wore off..well, they'd go back to them. Kind of in the case of Ellie. He guessed. And seriously, he was going to try to have a friend, when it came to Amanda. He'd never met someone who had a baby before. Just wasn't in the cards or being in the right circles. It had been so different then.

He thought so. He began to see a whole new distorted picture now as he'd drank himself into a certain epiphany. Amanda did this to everyone, didn't she? And now she had Asa. What was the point of being here? He was on a roll now. He had no idea he could stomach a whole bottle of Jack Daniels. His own private Christmas present.

Actually, he was going to build an engine in his cold garage, but he hadn't gotten very far. He kept thinking of Amanda and how manipulative she was. Where would he be with all those other girls now? If he hadn't been sucked in to Amanda's life. Better than this. He was sure of it.

He'd decided Amanda had something on the side with Asa. She was sneaky. He knew how she liked to come over when she was still with Kyle. It kept spinning in his head. And he thought how he'd put Amanda down these last few months. He could hate her as much as he loved her.

Yes, he was very aware how he could make her feel so unwanted now, just as much as he'd wanted her, at one time. Of course, he was pretty much in a stupor when he believed all the things spinning around in his head. And then he drove off into oblivion. He remembered how bad the windshield look. Like spiders had laid frozen eggs on it. But it felt like a warm dream. So sleepy. So tired. He just needed to get away. He had to get away before she destroyed everything he'd ever been or was going to be. Why did she care? She had Asa now.

But then he was sucked into darkness. He thought he woke up at the bottom of a well. But he could hear voices calling his name. Yet, he just couldn't keep awake. His eyes kept falling shut. Then someone was beating on the windshield.

Damn it. He was in the car, he thought. He tried to breath. Yes, he was still breathing. But such cold frigid air. The cold filled his chest. He could barely hear them now. Outside the car. Elliot tried to turn his head, but he could hardly move. He felt as if he were nailed here. The pain was sharp and intense. He thought he'd broke his ass. He winced hard. Someone opened the car door, and snow fell all over him.