Sunday, October 28, 2007

Addendum To Vulva (Or, 'Once You Start Talking About It, You Just Can't Stop')

We're still reading The Book at storytime. Wonderbaby asks for it, and in any case, it's become something of a personal challenge to find ways of discussing, with her, the vulva-like flower and the abbreviated erotic haiku that accompanies its image without explicitly discussing, you know, gynecology and cultural interpretations thereof, while at the same time affording ourselves ample opportunity for dirty giggles.

Why flower hot Mommy?

- Because the flower's on fire, honey.

Why flower got fire Mommy?

- Because sometimes, sweetie, when flowers are really, really happy, they burst into flame.

I'd like to thank* the ever-thoughtful Kittenpie for pointing out that Georgia O'Keeffe's Red Canna does kinda look like it's on fire - which, really, makes the whole erotic subtext of the board-book page in question all the less subtextual, to my mind, but still. And, too, I'd like to thank dear Bubandpie for consulting her own experts on this particular text and reminding me that the story continues on the very next page:

Fire truck. You know, to put out the flames on the vulvic lily on the preceding page.

A well-equipped fire truck, too, obviously. Note the numbers.

Nothing eases the heat of a flaming vulvic lily than Number 69.

I think that we've all learned something important about the pedagogy of sexuality, haven't we folks? I'm not sure what it is, exactly, but I feel, strongly, that it's important.

**********

*Thanks, too, to the ever-scorching OTJ, who nicely underscored my point about the inherent lameness of using botanical imagery in depictions of female genitalia by e-mailing me a link to a page with more colourful descriptions. It is, of course, much more, um, vivid to use wildlife imagery than imagery involving flowers and jewels. Although now we have to put away Goodnight Gorilla. (You won't get that joke unless you follow this link. But I warn you, the language that you are about to encounter is not for the fainthearted or excessively prudish. Consider yourself warned.)

*Non-Sexual Miscellany:

1) Sicky preggos out there - I've discovered something that sorta helps the nausea, which at this stage, for me, is a discovery of epic proportions: decaffeinated Lady Earl Grey tea, with honey and lemon. TRY IT.

30 Comments:

The more I did, the more adult humour I find in the baby stuff. Dora is filled to the brim with sexual innuendo - I kid you not. At first I thought it was my dirty mind but nope, it's the creators trying to stay awake at creative meetings and censor boards.

In my minds eye, I see some seriously stoned dudes and dudettes sitting around putting this book toigether. And between hits on the bong saying " yeah yeah man, put #69 on the truck maaan, wonder if anyone will ever, like notice....."

Nothing says a beautiful Sunday afternoon and story time with your kids quite like fiery vulva flowers and the number 69 (on a firetruck no less - important when you consider the firefighters who may be putting out the flames of those burning vulvas. Ah, yes.)

This is a riot. I'm wheezing in the office (where I'm supposed to be working) because I'm smothering myself trying not to laugh too loud and wake the kids. Heaven forbid I should have to explain why! We did not go with the full names yet, btw. I read an OTJ post to my husband and he said, "That's it - we'll go with 'gina and we'll just add the va later when they're older." Works for me.

hey catherine the hunky fireman riding in the hot cherry red truck can quell my flaming red-hot lilly er vulva via 69...hahahahhhh there is no way that stuff in that baby einstein book is not deliberate.LAVANDULA