Month: January 2014

LOL.

Just kidding.

well, maybe not….see Namaste recently wrote a piece on spending 24 hours as a clitoris and what that would entail from her deliciously feminine perspective.

I read it and I was amazed – what a beautiful piece of writing!

Jokingly, I suggested that I write a companion piece concerning what spending 24 hours as a Di…er, penis might entail.

Of course she thought it was an excellent idea – a bookend piece to her post about spending 24 hours as a clitoris. I laughed and almost immediately started to back pedal away from the prospect of writing this blog post.

Which surprized me and got me curious as to what was going on internally with me. I found myself wondering – why the automatic resistance? After all, my penis has been my friend for as long as I’ve been…well ME. What would be so difficult about imagining myself as this wonderful facet of myself for 24 hours?

Still, when faced with the prospect of waxing philosophical about what it would mean to truly embody that penile essence for 24 hours, I found myself recoiling a bit.

Perhaps because unlike the clitoris, which is spoken about in hushed almost reverential terms…the penis hasn’t enjoyed a similar reputation.

In fact – most of what I know and read concerning the penis has a distinct pejorative flair. In articles the penis is almost always depicted either in a neutral clinical sense or described in sexually negative terms. When I was growing up it was considered a serious insult to be referred to as a Dick, doing something incredibly stupid and/or unnecessarily aggressive was described as a ‘dick move’. In short, we grew up trying to avoid being a penis, being depicted or described as a penis or acting in penis like ways as much as possible.

Interestingly enough, I don’t remember questioning the prevailing wisdom, asking why being a dick was so terrible or ever hearing anyone of my male friends ask why this was true or why penises were persona non grata. It was just assumed that being a penis was the height of low-ness, or something horrible or bad.

And we believed it.

Wheaton’s Law is an internet axiom which states “Don’t be a dick.” It was originally used in the context of sportsmanship in online gaming but its scope was eventually expanded to apply to life in general.

I get it from a sportsmanship standpoint – sportsmanship is important, and acting contra wise to that would be a Bad Thing. It sucks to be in a gaming situation with someone who is acting out and being an ass in general…but again with the penis as pejorative it begs the question. We all understand the characteristics of being a Dick..but an actual penis doesn’t possess any of those traits when I really give it some thought.

If the penis was a person, growing up mocked, ridiculed and despised generally…while at the same time being indispensable, irreplaceable and generally relied upon for pleasure by practically everyone that has one, and most people that DONT have one on the entire freaking planet….

Well.. how would YOU feel in those circumstances.

I mean, where is the love for the penis?!?

I realize there are a host of environmental, hormonal and emotional contributors to the rise of ED among males of all ages.

At the same time, I really feel that the energetic component of the ED phenomenon cannot be ignored or underestimated. I would imagine the penis would feel some kinda way about continually being used, quite literally – without ever being celebrated or thanked or held in positive regard for its many, many wonderful contributions to what it means to be human.

Most of us, were we in a similar situation would have stopped working long ago. Is it at ALL surprising that so many penises have decided to Just Say No? Or engage in other ways of expressing extreme disappointment with working conditions, e.g. periodic strikes, work slowdowns, power outages and the like.

Its a horrible situation for millions of men – but honestly, I can understand.

So I guess its up to me.

What if I did decide to go through my life as a Dick for just 24 hours.

To be the embodiment of masculinity, virile and potent

While simultaneously being vulnerable and tender.

As actualized masculine essence – Enthusiatically and vigorously inserting myself directly into situations that feel good to me, that bring me pleasure.

Avoiding or literally not responding at all to that which is not good for me or for me…avoiding those situations that are tense, are upstream or not pleasurable.

Instead, I dive deeply into wondrous and mysterious places and situations again and again enthusiastically and passionately..

what was previously closed to me is now open, expectant and waiting for my arrival – everything is prepared for my ease and comfort, no detail has been neglected

I move with ease through a world that receives me openly, deliciously and responds to my every movement with waves of acceptance and reflects my pleasure back to me multiplied and expansive.

When I am where I should be, where I need to be, where I want to be – I feel invincible and magnificent. Nothing comes close to how wonderful I feel.

In truth, I belong right here, right now – the situations and circumstances in which I find myself are literally tailor made for me – the most comfortable and delicious fit imaginable and noticing how exciting that is to me.

I am committed to only taking inspired action – and enthusiastically rising to the occasion at the right time!

I also effortlessly let things that no longer serve me pass through me, I don’t hold onto things past their time.

I am in love with my Purpose and I look forward expectantly to each opportunity to actualize my Purpose in this time and space.

Fully inhabiting this space, being the penis with all the potentiality of that energy and the intensity of this experience….is a Good Thing. Seriously!

If every man was truly and authentically a Dick. The world would be a much better off as a result.

So my advice – Be A Dick. You owe it to yourself.

I made an interesting commitment recently.

I decided to experience life as a clitoris.

Sounds a bit wild and kinda crazy I suppose.

The reason why I made this commitment is because I spend a lot of time talking to women about sourcing life from a space of pleasure.

This doesn’t mean never experiencing pain. In fact, if you’ve checked our 50 Shades of Gray or the work of Jacqueline Carey, Laura Antoniou, or a host of other authors – you realize that even pain can give way to pleasure…

What I mean by sourcing life from a place of pleasure is that you’re always expectant of the good thing. You’re always enticed by your Longing. You allow your Purpose to seduce you.

You may indeed take the same actions- but there is an incredible difference in relaxing into the joy of the experience and constricting into “I have to make this work” mode.

So back to being a Clitoris.

The clitoris is the only body part that has no function EXCEPT for pleasure.

It does not age.

It does not lose its ability to create pleasure. It has a profound amount of nerve endings. Upon pleasurable stimulation it swells, expands, opens to the sensation. And while we notice most ready what’s occurring outside – that same swelling occurs inside.

It has long been curious to me how we women frequently do not allow ourselves to be very comfortable with our own bodies.

I should say that I’m typing this while sitting in the lotus position of our bed- naked.

Naked is my preferred state of being and I go without clothing as often as possible.

I do most of my best writing while naked- there is something about the vulnerability that gives me deeper access to my true feelings.

But I digress.

While many women are comfortable going topless – even the most liberal and free among us has usually been taught and conditioned that we should always keep what’s going on “down there” covered up.

My Beloved and I were talking about this the other day – how men have absolute body acceptance. They feel no shame or discomfort with grabbing their genitals and touching themselves in absolute pleasure or mere curiosity.

Women on the other hand – we have been taught that “good girls” keep their legs closed and beyond hygiene aren’t too concerned with what’s going on “down there”

And by hygiene, I mean using every product known to man to keep it clean, disinfected and smelling like the roses on the countryside.

Freaking roses? Really??

I love to work with women in learning to inhabit themselves- and I mean ALL of themselves including their sex.

The first step of that is learning to get comfortable with what we call it.

Va-ja-ja. Pussy. Cunt. Yoni. Pink Monkey.

I bet you had a visceral response to those terms. Some seem “okay” and others not so much. Some even repulsive.

If a rose by any other name still smells as sweet – I’d say a calling a vagina a pussy doesn’t diminish it any either.

While we usually feel super spiritual if we call it a Yoni. And somewhat intellectual and clinical when we call it a Vagina – what feeling come up when you call it a pussy? A cunt?

One good turn deserves another, so here’s my interview with Shann where she shares more about herself and her awesome BONUS!

An interview with Transformation Goddess, Shann Vander Leek

Hello Namaste! Thank you so much for inviting me to share a little more about myself and my supportive offerings.

1. How long have you been working with women?

I’ve had the pleasure of working with women almost exclusively since 2006. As a transformation Goddess and self-care enthusiast, I believe women must remove the barriers within that keep them from experiencing joy and compassionate self-care.

2. What can women expect to receive from your bonuses?

The Sacred Heart Healing Cycle helps women begin to let go of what no longer serves them so they can experience more joy. The Body Scan guided relaxation is a track from one of my most popular albums at iTunes and provides an oasis of relaxation and loving support.

3. What are the biggest ohhhh and ahhh points of your bonus?

Women often tell me that they find a lot of value identifying where they are within the Sacred Heart Healing Cycle. Participants also get a lot of relief working through my forgiveness exercise. I’ve also received rave reviews about how relaxed and supported women feel after listening to my guided mediation.

This supportive gift is a taste of the how my Sacred Heart Teachings digital program can help women access wholeness, love, and self-compassion through exercises and relaxations to unite mind, body and spirit with the Divine. Many have experienced extraordinary breakthroughs with this program.

4. What do you think women have forgotten?

I think women want to remember that they are so much more than their past choices and experiences. I love to help women realize that the their old story is not the ONLY story!

The best thing anyone reading this can do right now is forgive themselves and forgive everyone else who’s ever done them harm. Carrying the weight of a painful past is like committing an act of violence against yourself, every day. Imagine being rid of the burden, anger and grudges you’ve toted along with you over the years. How will it feel to let them all go? I can tell you from experience that it feels incredible.

Claim these free gifts. If you like what you find, I invite you to explore the full Sacred Heart Teachings Digital Program. This multimedia experience includes an outpouring of empathy and awareness of the female experience.

My hope is that many will begin to heal their hearts with this experience.

I believe that when each one of us heals ourselves, we invite a profound shift in compassion for ourselves and the world.

Live, Love, Lush and Fearless,

One of the biggest questions we get is about Coaching and Mentoring.

Because we offer both sometimes people don’t understand what the difference is, or which one would work for them.

To that point we’ve put together this neat-o little post to help you figure out which one to use. Please note that these terms only apply to Richard and Namaste others might have different distinctions between them.

Coaching:

Coaching is usually for shorter term. In our coaching relationships we focus on reaching a set goal. Writing a Book. Starting a Business. Learning how to communicate.

Practice specific skill sets such as:

I want to learn how to attract more abundance

I want to get out of Fear/Anger/Depression

How can I forgive this person?

How can I get my hormones in Balance

I need support in this ONE situation

Often when people come to us for coaching they may need a few months of sessions or just one. They want to know the nuts and bolts, concrete tools and accountability. While we do have coaching clients who have been with us for years- the norm for a coaching relationship for us is 6 months or less – with periodic “check ups” to get clarity, reflection and support specialization.

As Coaches we ask very powerful, insightful and intuitive questions created to help you achieve the goal you have. We do not have to walk the same path to have an effective coaching relationship – we provide the opportunity and tools- you decide how you want to use them.

Mentoring:

Mentoring uses some of the tools of Coaching – but with a lot of add-ons. Our mentoring programs are highly Relational.

They are long term (a minimum of a year and 1 day).

We allow opportunities for face-to-face time.

More than just listening the mentoring relationship provides more guidance. In the mentoring relationship with Namaste for instance – she takes women through each of the classes of SOFT in a personal and specific way – sharing her insights on Femininity based on her own experiences, insights and lifestyle.

When we mentor our goal is for the apprentice to be able to do what we do.

Because of the intensity of the Mentoring Relationship we offer VERY limited mentoring spaces per year.

We suggest Mentoring for those ready for the commitment in:

Time – There are assignments, and deep work and a minimum one year and a day commitment.

Energy – Are you focused on inhabiting and embodying your Life, Love and Femininity or Masculinity?

Still not sure which one is for you? Why not shoot us a message so we can help you figure it out! richardandnamaste@gmail.com

Hey there loves,

The delightful Naomi Goodlet has offered an awesome bonus for women who sign up for S.O.F.T or who order the Feminine Spirit Class – her bonus is delicious and full of LOVE which is what life is all about isn’t it? Check out some of Naomi’s thoughts in this mini-interview!

1. How long have you been working with women?

I have always been drawn to helping and guiding women. In 2006 I became a qualified spiritual healer and counselor and began developing my meditations and healing techniques so that I could offer the women in my tribe some new ways to become empowered in their wellness journey.

2. What does your Bonus do for women?

The Self Love and Appreciation Meditation takes you on a peaceful and inspiring journey throughout your body and gives you the opportunity to make peace with any parts of your body that you have previously struggled to accept. You will be guided to access the unconditional love stored within you and direct it throughout your entire body, leaving you with a sense of restored bliss and understanding of yourself.

This bonus also helps you to connect with the never ending flow of universal love that connects us all, allowing you to remember your true state of being… pure love!

This meditation can be used as a personal healing session as often as you like and when used regularly will help you to overcome your negative judgements about your body once and for all.

3.What are the biggest ohhhh and ahhh points of your bonus?

Feel your heart open and expand as you access the love you didn’t even know you possessed!

4. What do you think women have forgotten?

Women have become increasingly ‘masculine’ in nature, becoming more controlling, dominant and forceful in nature that we’ve forgotten our soft, gentle, receptive side that can be at peace with ‘what is’ and can willingly accept love and attention. We can reconnect with our divine femininity by first reconnecting with ourselves and create peace within. From there we need to practice ‘receiving with joy’ on a regular basis.

Thank you SO much Naomi!!

Ladies I sincerely encourage you to sign up and take advantage of this juicy offering!!

Live, Love, Lush and Fearless,

There is a code of silence around the phenomenon of hurt, particularly what it does to men and how it affects communication. Talking with my Namaste this morning – I read an article describing how Men respond to their wives when they experience their disappointment or disapproval. To give a quick thumbnail – Guy does A, thinking that it will be pleasing to her.

And it doesn’t work. She doesn’t like the gift, she hates his choice of restaurant…the flowers he brought are ‘um…nice’…but she was really hoping for a different flower than the kind he purchased, and it shows on her face and in her choice of words.

When this happens, a few things occur almost immediately, much of which is below the emotional ‘water line’ of visible responses from him. First, he goes through a range of complex feelings in an instant; surprise that the ‘gift’ of whatever wasn’t received well, the pang of pain that she’s not happy, and probably irritation at having failed at pleasing her. If she picks up on his disappointment, as shown in his face or in his energy she may attempt to soothe him by trying to educate him on what he could have done differently. This scenario is fraught with tension on both sides and in the face of the tension, one or both parties may be on the lookout for a quick escape. He’ll withdraw internally, relying on the masculine skill set of masking pain with careful neutrality…he begins to go internal. Even though he’s still present physically, from an energetic place he’s not really a full participant in the encounter going forward- having retreated to ‘safety’ inside his head, he is now observing his life from his own internal ‘observation deck’.. Sure, you nod in the right places, respond with a half smile to something you’d normally consider hilarious…you contribute just enough energy to the conversation to keep things moving along. You are partly present, but most of your attention is directed internally. Above all, you absolutely DONT want to make things worse by triggering some sort of ‘what’s wrong’ type question from her.

Men thrive on acceptance and respect – and from birth we have been socialized that making women happy, especially OUR women (girlfriends, wives, moms) happy is essential to our own feelings of emotional well-being. As a result, when she expresses that she isn’t pleased, he doesn’t feel good. Additionally, her rejection of his efforts to please her and the subsequent ‘correction’ from her indicate to him that she doesn’t respect his ability to make decisions. As a result, many men come away from these experiences either consciously or unconsciously declaring an emotional ‘no fly zone’ over the area of the disagreement. How does this show up? – Instead of buying the ‘correct’ flowers – he might stop buying her flowers entirely, or he will buy them, but it will never be a surprise – he’ll ask for her input and will avoid inserting himself into the creative process. Instead of being adventurous and trying new restaurants with her, he will instead rely exclusively on her picking out where they are going to eat and looks to her for direction in an effort to avoid future disappointments.

All of the above are symptomatic of something else entirely, which is the fact that he was both disappointed and hurt by her response to his offering. The worst thing? He never communicated anything about how he felt. Being hurt, experiencing hurt is an experience that is largely internal for most men. We rarely admit to hurting about anything and as a result the emotions associated with ‘hurt’ are something that we teach ourselves to ignore, press down, minimize. Admitting hurt is also to be vulnerable – we don’t want that. The women in our lives don’t associate it with us either, as a result the concept of emotional hurt becomes one that has been gender identified as being almost exclusively female in experience and effect. When discussing this with my namaste, I was very surprised to find out that although in my mind I had experienced and communicated things that I felt hurt by any number of times, in the over 10 years that we’ve known each other, she could only recall TWO times in over 10 years that I’ve actually vocalized that I’d been hurt by something, a situation, an action that was taken by her or something that she had said.

Two times in 10 years.

I was shocked. I consider myself to be an emotionally mature person and one that is reasonably proficient at expressing myself, in using words as a bridge between my own internal emotional landscape and the world around me, particularly in talking about how I feel in our relationship. As I thought about what she said, I realized that over the years I’ve been really, really good at keeping my hurt hidden from view. When I’ve attempted to communicate how something hurt me, I’ve rarely if ever copped to the feeling – the emotion of being hurt – instead she’s understood my hurt through the lens of my irritation, my anger or some altruistic appeal to an ideal of ‘fairness’ e.g. “I don’t ever say X to you, why would you say that to me?” Which is completely different from a direct statement of; “when you say X to me that hurt”. I apparently have feelings – but why is it when the issue of communicating those feelings comes up I resort to the use of defensive tools like anger, irritation or blame instead of actually OWNING my own feelings? They are mine, after all.

Stack Overflow

In the world of computer programming, a stack overflow situation occurs when a program attempts to use more space than is available (that is, when it attempts to access memory beyond the call stack’s bounds, which is essentially a buffer overflow), the stack is said to overflow, typically resulting in a program crash. I believe that many men experience a similar phenomenon from an emotional standpoint in relation to how we are wired to share our hurts. It is typically when we are said to be ‘truly hurting’ – when the hurt seems to multiply upon itself, when we literally run out of space to store pain internally and we are starting to crash, our literal ‘stack overflow’ situation happens to us and it is only THEN that we feel that we can allow our hurts to be addressed. Actually I think most of us aren’t ‘allowing’ much in that moment – for most, it happens that the situation is sufficiently serious that we can’t hide, we can’t hold it in. cant help it…we just erupt. If you’ve ever seen men caught in the grip of overwhelming tragedy or grief, you’ve seen this happen. We literally come apart with wrenching agony – undoubtedly painful to experience…. it can also be painful to watch. Our struggle to maintain the illusion that we do not hurt contributes to the wreckage in my opinion – in the face of the overwhelming, our safeguards crumble and because of our ’stack overflow’ we…crash. What makes it even more traumatic is that most of us attempt even in our most painful moments, to try and keep it hidden from view and it is usually our inability to hide it that is the alarm that alerts someone external to us to reach out in compassion and hold space for us.

Reclaiming our humanity

Effectiveness is the measure of truth, as the Huna saying goes – and to find out what will be effective I believe that we have a number of clear examples if we look at how women communicate. Have you ever noticed how women attend to someone who is hurt? Often in the case of disagreement or disappointment a statement of hurt given by the person that has been wounded results in an automatic ‘time out’ and a reassessment of what is going on. There’s an immediate cease fire at which time the hurt is addressed and then once the hurt has been addressed the two women involved then give themselves permission to go on with the discussion. It is often the case that the process used to address the hurt feelings unearths enough common ground that the disagreement can be resolved and there is no need to go back to the discussion again. In my opinion, there is something that we as men can learn from this example and it is a subtle truth.

Women in our lives are already sensitized to an expression of hurt, Im missing a beautiful opportunity to get closer to her when I hide my hurt from her. As a man, I need to get out of the Hurt Locker in my head and let her know how Im feeling, especially when Im feeling sad, upset, angry or hurt. I need to resist the temptation to only communicate during good times and to shut off and ‘go internal’ during times when Im hurting. Real Talk – my lack of emotional transparency turns out to be a negative, self fulfilling prophecy. Like attracts like – if I intentionally hide my emotions from the person that loves me, then I have to also hold myself responsible for the sense of isolation that is the inevitable result of my getting really good at hiding. Similar to the childhood game of hide and seek – being TOO good at hiding actually defeats the purpose of the game. Imagine her finishing the countdown and going to look for you – and never ever finding you! I can’t imagine a more emotionally traumatizing game of hide and seek! And yet, for many of us isn’t this how our relationships have evolved? – the male emotional epitaph reads years later..”and He was never heard from again!”

Initiate…dont Instigate

The word instigate is commonly used to mean initiate – but I believe there is an important distinction between these two words. Initiate means to be the first to do something, as in “I felt something hurt me and I opened the dialogue with her about it” Instigate is another word that means ‘to begin’ – but the energy it holds is different – it fundamentally means to incite others to do something, e.g. “I felt something she said hurt me and Im not going to just sit here and take it – we need to talk…..” Can you sense the difference between those two states of mind? You want to initiate conversation about what’s going on with you internally. That’s YOU taking the initiative – being the first to talk about how you feel. That’s owning your emotions…and sharing them. On the other hand, responding to a perceived hurt byinstigating a fact-finding commission to establish blame is very different experience energetically. The blame game will not draw you closer together, in fact most of the time the hurt feelings on both sides after a round of ‘Who’s Fault is It!’ are often worse.

Understand that just like in the development of any sort of meaningful skill set, it takes a while before you get good at it. You’ve spent a long time not communicating effectively about many of your internal emotions – it may be harder before it gets easier, but stay with it. Most men’s ’emotional spice cabinet’ contain the equivalent of three basics – sugar,(pleased) salt (displeased) and pepper (angry), which are wonderful spices in their own right, understand that it will take a while to build up an inventory of spices that can be useful in cooking a broad variety of emotional ‘meals’. There are hundreds of different kinds of sugar, and thousands of varieties of salt and pepper, not to mention the thousands of other emotional nuances/spices that are available for your use. But you have to use them to get good at this. Be patient with yourself, but most of all its important to initiate. YOU need to be the person to bring it up FIRST, to start a dialogue on how you are feeling. A consistent lament we hear most often from female clients is their longing for the men in their lives to open up and to communicate with them about how they (Men) feel.

And that is a good enough place to begin. Want to instantly improve your relationship? Start working on opening up, owning your feelings and sharing what’s going on inside you with the woman that loves you – this one act will be rewarding in contentment and happiness in your relationship far beyond anything you could ever bring to her as a gift or the trappings of a special occasion. Letting her truly see you and taking the time to share with her how you truly feel inside, especially when you are hurting is a rare and special gift that she will always cherish. She will feel closer to you as a result and will open to you in response. And from a sustainability perspective – this opportunity is always available to you, truly a renewable resource.

Theres only one handle on the Hurt Locker – and its on the inside. You want out? Open up.

The other day a woman came to me and said “How can I do it? How can I learn to live a life of joy instead of just little bursts sometimes? How can I learn to be feminine and feel alive?”

Her question is a common one. When I begin to work with women they respond with either elation or disappointment. Elation because FINALLY – someone gets it and they can feel the hope of a new day. Disappointment because – to truly embrace all that you are you must walk through the door and the doors aren’t always easy.

“The doors to the world of the wild Self are few but precious. If you have a deep scar, that is a door, if you have an old, old story, that is a door. If you love the sky and the water so much you almost cannot bear it, that is a door. If you yearn for a deeper life, a full life, a sane life, that is a door.”―Clarissa Pinkola Estés

I can only be a guide on the path- but the process is uniquely yours. The door that stands awaiting you – is your experience. Your pain. Your trauma. Your breaking and tenderness. The place where your soul aches. The memory that causes tears. The longing that nearly suffocates you. The fear that stops you cold. These are all doors. And every door is an invitation.

The only way to get past fear, past pain, past previous trauma – is Through. This is so very hard at times. It is far easier to walk away, to run and hide, to fight and rail against everyone who causes you pain or causes you to remember that which you fear.

To go through is to truly own your tender strength and the beauty of your suffering. It is to empower that Wild and Sacred feminine spirit that lies within you asleep and to rouse her to a state of active participation in your human experience. To go through is to know yourself as vast and infinite – and no less Divine.

Only you know what doors are standing ajar in your life awaiting your going through – are you willing to accept the invitation?