If there's ever a time you can't find me, don't worry. I'm doing alright. I'm probably hiding out somewhere counting my blessings, mumbling something about sunshine, wondering how much love I can live in a lifetime.

– Shihan the Poet

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Notes from my 84th trip (Concentration)

Nick. Flora is not here anymore. It's time that you accept that.

Sometimes I think that we are all, in some ways, vehicles, and the adventure and safety that we can provide another person is in essence the measure of who we are in the world. Right now I don't think that I'm a very good ride. In fact, I'm quite ashamed of how shitty the experience would be.

You know, you have to apply what you believe to be a good martial arts instructor to how you live your life. Someone that will stretch your limits, but still caring of who you are. Sometimes I don't even know if you like yourself, and that needs to be resolved.

At the end of the day I was not able to take care of Flora, like I was not, and still am not in a place where I can be responsible for another human being. But she made me want to be so that I could. And that is why I loved her so.

I am really working on being a responsible person. That is why I was sent back to Seattle and when I think about it, I have great teachers here to give me their lessons.

Write the story about Morocco and submit it somewhere. It is a worthy tale.

Your father is a really interesting person. You could learn a lot from him if you just spoke to him more.

I went back to my parents for 2 weeks, and when I left this time it didn't feel like freedom. It felt like sadness.

The thing I loved so much about Flora was that she never tried to be anything. She just was. Goddamn authenticity. Always gets me.

People who want to write a book because they think their life is 'crazy', need to realize that everybody is crazy; you've just been so self-absorbed that you've never bothered to ask someone else what their life about.

The thing I learned about adulthood today is that it is when you are strong enough to contend w/ your fears. You no longer run from them. You have enough belief that you can best them.

George is one of my funniest friends. I think anyone named George is somebody's funniest friends.

That moment Michael and I decided to stay in Ibiza for one more night was the awesomest. It changed both of our lives.

I can see why people who've dedicated their lives to mastinger English grammar probably hate things like Facebook, YouTube and reddit.

I think a lot of people mistake medical malpractice w/ bad customer service.

Be nicer to your Mom.

This fractured ankle has single-handedly been of the greatest teachers in my life. It taught how to command the Being inside me to discipline itself, because the vehicle in which it travels is under repair.

I think it's important to remember that you are still recovering. You're not at your peak form.

Prison probably has some of humanity's most interesting characters. What they're put through is inhumane though. It goes far beyond the limit of punishing them for their crime.

The first time me and Flora made love was on Children's Day.

Follow Love. Just follow Love. Everything you will be in need of on that journey will appear on your path.

I am like a prince trapped in his tower, waiting for the cavalry to arrive.

Flora told me that dating me was like a giant LSD trip. I laughed at that, because for me dating her was, and still is, a long Daime trip that doesn't end.