And today, like always, we're setting ourselves a mission to help simply stand around with a camera while one lucky girl has her parents pay tonnes of money for a party to celebrate her sixteenth birthday!

Meet Sandy.

Her parents promised us a Sweet 16 bash we'll never forget!

Her hobbies involve lots and lots of money, so we're told, and that the dump truck they're living in right now has been pimped out to replace their house, which was apparently targeted by jealous (homosexual) terrorists; so we'll forsake the terrible looks and lack of make-up. Anyone with THAT much money can get away with anything, even being amazingly unattractive! crap, we're gonna have to cut that out of the DVD.

Every single one of her friends was too busy getting ready for the party, apparently, so we couldn't interview any of them on what they think of Sandy. Sandy's parents did tell us, however, that she's very popular in school and even sometimes gets gestures and gifts from fellow students in her locker!

Establishing shot of Sandy's back garden, in preparation for the party, which, asofnow, is a dry field swathed with wires and various forms of litter. An upset-looking dog is wearing a party hat, and is covered in streamers. The presenter and Sandy are sitting on a single toilet outside an abandoned soup kitchen.

P: This is a very... rustic little place, isn't it? Hey, Sandy, thanks for the invitation, it was very kind of you!

S: No problem!

P: Only one slight gripe... why has it got a massive horse turd on it?

S: ...um... uh...

P: No! Wait, don't tell me... it's post-modern, isn't it!

S: ...uh, yeah!

P: Silly me! You must think I'm stupid for even having asked! I tell you what, I'll leave you to your preparations and I'll go punish myself in my caravan, OK?

S's mother is shown attempting to put Christmas lights on the front of their dump truck and falls down, spraining her ankle. A man on the street runs up, as if to help her, and tears out a chunk of her hair before heading to a pawnbroker's shop.

The last few days, Sandy's family have experienced a disaster. Their workers haven't turned up since day two, and now there aren't any windows within a half-mile radius. Still, ever resourceful, Sandy has headed to a local wedding reception to pick up a few things for her big bash.

S and two of her friends (who appear embarrassed to be with her) are shown climbing through the back window of a banquet building with a wedding reception laid out but no guests as of yet. They pass various items - including a table, a few hors d'oeuvres, a stereo and a wedding cake - through the window before running home with them.

And back home...

P: Wow, Sandy, this is some really nice stuff! Did you get that cake made especially for you?

S: No, I thtole-

P: -of course you got it made, why am I asking such silly questions lately? (Pings a wristband on his arm, which has already previously drawn blood. He grimaces, then returns to his usual posturing.) Anyway, would it be alright if I interviewed your two giiirrllfriends here?

S: Umm, thhure, I guethth. And I'm a girl, too, y'know!

P doesn't hear anything she says, but, regardless, beckons two girls over. Both of them are smoking and leaning up against a broken lamppost and a wall respectively.

Girl 1: This is ridiculous. I could be out clubbing instead of hanging out with this loser. Will you pay me already?

Girl 2: Yeah, me too. If anyone sees me with this freak of nature, I'll be the laughingstock of the entire school!

Producer (behind the camera, speaking over a megaphone): Ladies, we're filming right now. We can talk about this later.

P: Have you got any other friends?

S: Not really.

P: Hahaha! You're so funny. Stop making me laugh! Seriously. I could have you killed.

One week in, and thanks to the workers' "mysterious" disappearance, decoration is still continuing. Sandy, meanwhile, has other things on her mind. She has to book a band for her party, and that can be a long and arduous task.

Sandy is shown approaching a group of people sitting in a gutter, smoking weed. The area smells otherwise distinctly of urine.

S: Hey, do you wanna play at my party?

Lead singer: (Looks up at S in a drugged-up stupor.) Umm, yeah, sure, whatever.

P: Haha, oh, that's such a relief. You really had me going for a second! I really thought you were some ugly, trampy hillbilly boy. Turns out you were just a trampy hillbilly boy pretending to be an ugly girl!

S: Yeah, ekthcept I'm a gir-

P: -Well, I guess we're gonna have to stop the filming, really. You can still have your party if you want, haha. When's your next single out, by the way?

The party continued as it would have, and was still filmed, as the cameraman was invited back by Sandy's flirtatious mother. No-one survived, but the episode was still screened as normal the next month, and featured as the main attraction on the DVD release. Ironically, the Presenter was since sacked and now works as a masseur in a gay spa resort. All's well that ends well. Which is why My Super Sweet 16's ratings took a massive plunge.