How To Deal With Negativity When You’re Trying To Change Your Life

Every time we set out to change our behaviors, work toward a goal, or just become a better person, the “yucky” stuff always seems to get in the way somehow. I’m referring to habits like:

Focusing on self-doubt
Feeling powerless over urges or cravings
Trying to prove to ourselves we don’t really need to change or we shouldn’t have to
Thinking about failure associated with past attempts to change
Feeling the awkwardness of stepping outside of our comfort zone
Noticing feelings like guilt, shame, doubt, anxiety, frustration, envy, etc…

This can be so distracting that it will stop us from real progress! Plus, it’s exhausting trying to avoid these pesky thoughts and feelings.

I wish I could give you advice on how to eliminate these experiences from your life. Truth is, I can’t. It seems logical that once the “yuckiness” is out of the way, your path to achieving your goals is clear, but actually it’s impossible to completely eliminate these negative thoughts. In fact, the harder you try to push them away, the more intense they become. But the good news is: this doesn’t have to derail you from living a life you want.

An alternative way to keep moving toward a meaningful life is to accept these difficult thoughts, feelings, and sensations as a part of life. When we observe these experiences as another entity, rather than “being” us, we can withhold judgment and recognize them for them for what they are: just a thought, just a feeling, and just a sensation.

We are not our thoughts. They don’t define us, and they don’t dictate our behaviors. Just because I have the thought I am not good enough, doesn’t mean it’s true. Just because we feel “helpless” doesn’t mean we are. Our thoughts and feelings only have as much truth as we choose to give them.

Try this:

1. Write down one of the thoughts that keeps you from living the life you want and reaching your goals.

2. Sit with that thought, consider it an object that you’re observing. Repeat it in your head until it’s just a sentence.

3. Now write down that thought on a small piece of paper and place it in your pocket.

4. Continue about your day, do what you need to do (i.e. go to the store, cook dinner, etc…) Notice that thought isn’t going away, it’s still in your pocket but it hasn’t stopped you from accomplishing your tasks.

Thoughts and beliefs are not what define us. Our behaviors and our actions are what make a living a meaningful life possible. The “yucky” stuff will never go away, but it doesn’t have to stop you from creating a life you love.

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I am ... passionate about helping others explore their own personal power by creating a life they love. Based on the Island of Oahu but also offering virtual sessions, my approach is to help you make mindful actions that are in line with your personal values and commitments to self. Human suffering is inevitable. We experience sadness, loss, anxiety, fear, anger, and even physical pain which can be overwhelming at times and uncomfortable to manage. Pain and suffering don't have to hold you back from creating the life you love! Professionally I am trained as a clinical therapist with: Master’s Degree in Social Work Bachelor’s degree in Child and Adolescent Development I also have extensive training in... Complementary & Alternative Medicine Treatment of Eating Disorders Reiki (Place of Bliss Academy) Emotional Freedom Technique Somatic Yoga & Mindful Meditation I currently live in Hawaii with my amazing husband and totally goofy dog (Koa). Most of my time is spent at the beach with friends, on my yoga mat, or whipping up some delicious green smoothies in my kitchen. Although it hasn't always been this way, I've had to work hard to get where I am today and I never take any moment for granted. Personally I endured my own struggles and know firsthand how overwhelming pain and suffering can lead to an unbalanced life. During my own treatment I was fortunate enough to discover the benefits of seeking help and support from others. It is my goal and passion to offer you the support needed to help you live the meaningful and valued life you deserv