The Why You're Not Married...Yet author describes her book as "a hug, a bitch-slap, and a guidebook all rolled into one." Here's why

We sat down with Tracy McMillan, veteran TV writer (Mad Men, United States of Tara) and author of this month's hilariously irreverent Why You're Not Married...Yet (Ballantine Books), a shrewd guide to relationships that stemmed from her viral Huffington Post article (one of Time's Top 10 Opinions of 2011). This thrice-divorced mother goes for the tell-it-like-it-is approach to advice (chapter titles include "You're Crazy" and "You're a Mess"). "It's like Oprah—with swear words," McMillan says. Read on for more of McMillan's take on life and love.

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ELLE: Let's go back to the beginning. What prompted you to write the original article that would become the basis for your book?Tracy McMillan: The idea stemmed from positive feedback I had gotten over the years, after talking to many friends about their relationships. When giving them advice, I had just been coming from my own experiences. Taking a hard look at my own life helped me learn how to get on the right track. But when I realized that sharing the insights I had collected was actually helping people, I saw an opportunity. Putting my words piece online was an important part of my plan to help women learn how to love themselves and have a better life.

ELLE: Your piece went viral, garnering both praise and criticism for its no-holds-barred stance. Do you find that your tough-love delivery makes for a more meaningful message?TM: Definitely. Because I was a television writer for many years, I write very conversationally. I put things straight, and with a lot of humor. I'm a blunt person, not mean-spirited. I come from a place of love, but I'm interested in being real. It's not easy, but nothing changes in a woman's life until she gets real with herself.

ELLE: Your candor about your own mistakes definitely helps readers relate, but have you ever had anyone doubt your ability to give effective relationship advice?TM: There's no question that some people are like, "What do you know, lady? You've been married three times!"

ELLE: And how do you respond?TM: My response is that giving love advice is almost like using the twelve-step model. You wouldn't take a group of alcoholics and put them in a room with a bunch of teetotalers and say, "Teach me how to stop drinking," would you? No: instead, you're in a room with people who have the exact same problem, and who can share with one another from a place of mutual experience. There's a sense of trust. Also, people assume I had bad marriages; I didn't. I married two really wonderful men, but at the time, I was not a woman who could be married. I was limited by my own shortcomings, shortcomings that needed to be addressed, and that's part of what I talk about in my book.

ELLE: What do you think makes your advice stand out from among the rest of the experts in the self-help aisle?TM: My book is like a hug, a bitch-slap, and a guidebook all rolled into one. I'm not condescending in any way. I've made all these mistakes. I realize that you can't just fix yourself or your relationship immediately. Relationships are like the world's most intense yoga! It's a daily practice. The only reason why the book is called Why You're Not Married is because Why You're Not in a Long-Term Relationship doesn't have the same ring. The mindset of practicing relationship yoga, of growing and becoming a better woman, works whether you're in a relationship of a week, a month, a year, or a lifetime. I know that when women read my book, they will better learn to deal with themselves when they fall short, and the way they approach their relationships will change for the better.