OK, I jut received a “Rest in Peace” for my blog… It disturbed me. You see, I haven’t quit, I was just on holiday… having a bit of a sabbatical, wot. Anyhow, I have now been shaken out of my apathy (and have pulled myself out of a microbiolgy lecture in which I was submerged up to my ass) for the mere pleasure of entertaining you, Constant Reader.

Where to begin since my last entry…

Katy has been with her Dad for the last week, and Phoenix was with his mom. It should have been a wonderful, relaxing, peaceful week, but MY mom was on the warpath about high weeds, broken lattice, overflowing toilets, clogged pipes, brush removal… you name it. Sheesh, I thought that I was the one who is perimenopausal.

Speaking of that, how can I go nine months without a sign of the crimson tide, then all of a sudden it crops up out of nowhere, then disappears again for a few months, then comes back this past weekend in full force, accompanied by back pain, waves of sadness/anger/resentment/giggling/crying/and generally being a total spaz? This is a wonderful experience…my transition from Earth-Mother to Crone. I am not ready to be a Crone at forty!!!
On the bright side, hubby and I have starting eating better and walking, and I have switched from wine to gin & diet tonic (this may not seem like a healthy choice to anyone else, but I have pretty much decided that I am going to drink, so I should just accept it and cut calories where I can). After all, drinking keeps my children alive without necessitating that I spend all of my time in the jacket with wraparound sleeves. Anyway, I think I may have lost a few pounds. At least I’ll be a hot Crone….

Oh wait, not so fast. My work belt is much looser and Ron is moving to the USP. Elizabeth left most of a lung on my desk today, and Jim wimped out camping over the weekend. Now, moving on…

I am just noticing (again) my excessive use of the ellipsis, which reminded me that I just watched Garden State again last week. What an odd, somewhat disturbing, yet beautifully awesome movie. As a side note, I would kill to look like Natalie Portman. Only not as Queen Amidala. That goofy-ass hair and the line in her lower lip made her look like a geisha who was left out in the rain for a week.

OK, now it is time for a game. It’s time to play….

Count the topics in this blog entry!

Ready??? Go!! The winner gets a jar of jelly beans and three guesses as to how many sugary morsels there are in the jar. If they guess right, then I will think of some other annoying party game for them. No wonder no one ever comes to my parties…

Synopsis…
Dead blog (not).
Kids gone
Annoying Mom
Menopause
weight loss
work weirdness
gin&tonic [BTW, did you all know that there is a drink called a gin & tonic (with many different spellings like ginintonnix, etc) in every language in the known universe? Ask Ford Prefect, he will vouch for me].
OK, even I lost count. That’s OK, jellybeans have too many calories, anyway.

Off to the kitchen and a ginintonnik. Hopefully Zaphod is lurking about and will mix it for me. For the worst-dressed sentient being in the known universe, he sure mixes a mean drink🙂

Now to all..

Good Night, and Good Luck.

DemGirl

Oooh, one more thing- I can’t BELIEVE I forgot this! My hubby is writing a soundtrack for a 48 Hour Film that is going to be shown (hopefully) at the Cannes Film Festival next year. The music is awesome, and is his personal best. I will upload it as soon as I ask him to send some of the songs to me.

This Monty Python Holy Grail t-shirt is army green and is composed of 100% pre-shrunk cotton. The design reads "THE HOLY HAND GRENADE OF ANTIOCH" and "O Lord bless this, Thy hand grenade, that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in …

Hello to all. I just wanted to extend my thanks to all of the veterans and current military members out there. Although I disagree with the politics of most wars, our troops must be kept separate from our polictics. So to all of our members of the armed forces; those living, those retired, and those who have moved on to the next life, blessed be. Thank you for all that you have done and all that you still do.

Now, on to my weekend… It was a long kid-free one, for the most part. Phoenix spent the weekend with my in-laws, and Katybug spent all day Saturday shopping with Grandma, and the rest of the weekend with her daddy. Let’s have a round of applause for grandparents and the non-custodial parent weekend ;) It is a license to actually have uninterrupted sex with your spouse both morning and night! In between morning and night, more sex, of course, and a walk here and there. Not to mention the search for roadside fresh fruit stands and the purchase of Venus Fly Traps just for the heck of it (and because Phoenix has been wanting one for a while). I am feeling totally relaxed, and totally in love with my husband. BTW- this weekend is the two year anniversary of him being over an hour late for our first date… At least I can say that I knew what I was getting into! If I didn’t enjoy beer so much, I would have been gone after thirty minutes that first night, but what the heck? I was enjoying an ice cold beer in an air-conditioned bar, and kind of flirting with the guy at the other end. I figured I might as well stick around… I am sure glad I did, because the minute Chris walked in, I knew I was done flirting with the guy down by the jukebox, and every other guy in the world, for that point. So… happy two year anniversary to mi “media naranja” (Other half, loosely translated from Spanish to English). You may be a goof, but you are my goof, and I am glad.

So, other updates…

The top-fill procedure in the gulf isn’t working, and so the ecological disasater proceeds unimpeded. I hate petroleum, and the misery it continues to bring upon our world.

And now for something COMPLETELY different… :)

I had the freakin’ weirdest dream last night… We (my husband, the kids, and I) were at a Memorial Day picnic at my aunt and uncle’s house. All was proceeding as normal (or at least as normal as anything proceeds with my family), when all of a sudden Chris reminded me that we had to be at the bowling alley in thirty minutes for the kids’ bowling tournament that I knew nothing about. It turned out that the bowling alley was more than 30 minutes away, so instead of driving there, Chris insisted we go by hot air balloon. He also insisted that he knew how to fly one, and that there was a place close by to rent one. After much protesting (“Chris, you have NEVER flown a hot air balloon!” “I am TELLING you, Kim, it is totally EASY!”), I finally gave in. We loaded my old car (the Saturn Vue) on the basket of the hot air balloon, along with all of the kids (my cousin Amy was not happy about this, but somehow her daughter Ashley ended up with us, anyway). Needless to say, we crashed into many buildings, which I had to push off of with my feet to keep the balloon on a safe course. At some point, my husband said, “Wow- this thing actually goes a LOT faster than I thought it would!” Instead of landing in the bowling alley parking lot as we should have (according to Chris’s calculations), we somehow ended up in Ephrata. There was yet another hot air balloon place there, and we were trying to talk them into renting us yet another balloon. However, it appears that there was a hot air balloon hot-line out there that warned them not to rent anymore ballooning equipment to us, being as how we damaged the first balloon and basket beyond repair. At this point, I was getting sick of Chris and his cockamaimee ideas, so I said, “Fuck it! My car is in the basket of that balloon, and I have a GPS, so I can drive us home… ! We are never going to make the bowling tournament, anyway..” At that point, I proceeded to ask a mutual friend to drive us home, in my car, using my Tom-Tom’s directions. As an aside, my Tom-Tom gets me lost at LEAST weekly, usually on roads that are marked “NO maintenance!!! Drive at your own risk!!! Seriously, you are a total DUMBASS if you proceed…” So my friend is driving faster and faster on these unmarked, unpaved back roads, just trying to get us home, and I notice a light up ahead that is shaped like a giant culvert opening… I realize at this point that the sound of water rushing under us is becoming stronger and stronger, and yell out, “Stop!!!!!!”

It was too late, and we crashed down into a freezing cold river of some sort. All I could think of was to unroll the windows in the back seat so we could get the kids out before they drowned or froze to death. We managed to get the windows open, and Katy, Phoenix and Ashley swam up toward us. At this point, we noticed some shadows on the bank. Me, being ever paranoid, kept shouting, “Are you hostiles???” “Are you hostiles???” One of the shadows finally answered, “‘No, I’m not hostiles, my name is Anna.” It turned out that she was also about six or seven years old. To make a long story short, she took us back to the campfire so the kids could warm up, and one of the parents pointed out that, even though we had managed to dredge the old Vue out of the drink, the engine was still detached from the body and covered in river weeds and sludge… At that point we all realized that there was no way we were getting the kids to their bowling tournament on time, and Chris was in a panic, and insisting we flee the scene because we were going to get in trouble with the police. I told him repeatedly that the license plate and VIN number on the VUE would give us away, so we may as well contact the police. We proceeded to get into a big fight, at which point I actually willed myself to wake up. I forced my eyes to open and saw the door to our bedroom, and my only thought before falling back to sleep was, “Oh, thank GOD!!!” I am unsure how to interpret this dream, and am afraid to consult the teachings of Freud, for fear that the balloons and the vehicle rushing out of a wet opening might mean something that my psyche isn’t ready for, lol!

So adieu for now. Here’s hoping for a lack of dreams of any sort tonight…

Watch this video. It is horrifying. What if they can’t get this fucking thing plugged up? Thomas Stearns Eliot said that the world ends, “Not with a bang, but a whimper.” Is this how we are finally going to succeed in killing our planet? Not with the a-bomb, not with nukes, but with f-ing petroleum. I guess it is kind of poetic justice for all of the dinosaurs that died in order to give us these fossil fuels…

I keep waiting for Al Gore to show up in his Superman cape and save us. Whether or not you believe in global warming or carbon footprints, there is no denying that this is bad… like catastrophically bad… What the fuck is wrong with us as a people, and as an advanced nation that we choose to ignore clean alternatives for fossil fuels? Is this so much better than having your view “spoiled” by windmills?

Sorry, there is no humor tonight…just much teeth-gnashing. It is hard to find anything humorous after watching this video, and seeing the beautiful marine life that is all going to suffocate or starve in the next few weeks. It is time for the bottle-nosed dolphins, whales, sea-turtles, pelicans, sandpipers, and so forth to breed, and nurse their babies, or sit on their eggs right now. These species cannot commute at this time of year. We are looking at an ecological disaster that will have repercussions for generations. We might be looking at the end of the brown pelican- I believe it just came off of the endangered species list last year. Why have we been so stupid and greedy? And when will the people who can actually do something about it ask themselves the same question? Good night. I will try to be more light-hearted tomorrow. Tonight I can only manage to be sad… and disgusted.

OK… I have to hand it to my egomaniacal, narcissistic friends… blogging is exhausting. I don’t know why any of you do it. Then again, I have no fucking idea why I am doing it, other than to potentially amuse my husband and my one friend (Hi, Diane). Oh, shit, I forgot Joe… I have TWO friends. Hi, to you, too, Joe. Try not to let my acknowledgement of you go to your head or anything.

Tonight is a full moon. I think that the Pagan rules of conduct dictate that I should be somewhere under it… dancing naked, preferably. However, I am slightly suspicious that my neighbors might have grown up without the Wiccan Rede being prominent in their schooling. I don’t want to test that hypothesis in any way, so I believe I will remain clothed tonight. Plus, the moonlight dancing off of my curves kind of makes me look like a ship in full sail (Big, white, and… well… big!). As a result, I will spare the world from yet another month of naked me dancing and chanting. Just wait until I am 110 lbs again, though… then look out!

BTW- the odds on that (the 110 lb. thing) happening are about as great as me becoming a successful Vestal Virgin, so don’t hold your (collective) breath.

Suddenly, I seem to be almost as fond of parenthetical expressions as I am of the ellipse…

Before I end up making my two favorite punctuation marks jealous, I will once again adjourn, constant (or never) reader.

Love to….ummm Chris, Diane and Joe… And anyone else who happens to be redirected to here because I linked it to the keywords”Amazing, hot, free, sexy, girls, and codeine.” And to any FDA, ATF, FBI or BOP agents out there, I made that up…totally. For crying out loud… get a life.

Wow. I just downloaded “Digital Ash in a Digital Urn” by Bright Eyes (I know, several years late… I am a little slow). It is a great Album/CD/Digital MP3 download (what the hell do we call them nowadays?). I love the song “Take it Easy (Love Nothing).” It’s sooooo Conor Oberst. Thanks again to my friend Damian for introducing me to these guys.

So… I missed work today because I had another one of my headaches. Starting to wonder what is going on. I think I have ruled out leprosy… none of my limbs seem to be falling off. Hoping it’s nothing more than I need new contact lenses… however, since I unfailingly wake up with my head pounding, I doubt that is it. I have blamed caffeine, lack of caffeine, the heat, the pollen count, allergies, sinus problems, photo-sensitivity, wine, lack of wine, the kids, dehydration, and stress (not necessarily in that order) and still haven’t managed to rule in or rule out a cause. Wow- I sound whiney, even to myself. On to something more pleasant, or at least less ego-centric.

Tonight was my daughter’s last soccer game of the season. She really seems to have improved a lot, although I am continuing to put money back for her college education in case the soccer scholarship falls through :) My husband’s team had practice prior to Katy’s game, and he got stuck with refereeing her game because the regular ref didn’t show up. It was about 90 degrees in the shade, and by the time he got done running up and down the field for the second hour, I thought he was goinig to drop over, so after the game we all went out for Italian food. First, Katy spilled her water, and we had to change tables. Then Phoenix spilled some of his water, so we made both kids get cups with lids on them for the rest of the meal. Many tears were shed at the loss of adult drinking vessels, but I think the waitress was just about ready to kill us all, so the kiddie cups were necessary to save the children’s lives. If drinking out of them creates any future emotional trauma and hours spent on the big leather couch, I apologize to them both in advance.

Well… this is the second to last week of school. The kids have next Monday off for Memorial Day, go to school for a full day on Tuesday, have their Fun Fair on Wednesday, have off AGAIN on Thursday for a teacher in-service day, and only go to school for a half-day on Friday. It seems to me like the last week could have been planned a little bit better, but WTH… who am I to offer my opinion? I could never be a school teacher/principal/administrator. I’ll take the inmates, thank you very much. At least I can send them to the hole if they act up. Teachers don’t have that option.

So, in less than a week, a new cycle begins. A cycle of dance camp, science camp, drama camp, soccer camp, and family vacations. I have to credit my husband for enabling the kids to do all of these activities. He finds them (the activities, not the kids… we usually have a pretty good idea where they are… lol), schedules them, and will transport the kids to and fro, even though some are 45 minutes + away. Thanks, Chris🙂. Anytime I forget even for one second how much I love you, all I have to do is think about everything you do for our family, and I am reminded again why I fell in love with you to begin with.

Now, constant readers (I have NO readers, so that is really funny.. to me, anyway. And… since I am my ONLY reader, what is funny to me is what counts), it is time for me to adjourn to bed, in hopes of waking up headache-free. Or at least able to get up and go to work with0ut head pain & pressure and nausea. Wish me luck, all. Or me. Wish me luck, me. ‘Night, me.