Archive for March, 2006

Today was actually a bad day. I havent had one of these in months, and to have one on the 28th of March (Sunshine Day) is a bad omen.

I spent the last hour re-reading every blog I’ve written in this space. Ever since the beginning. And I realised a few things. I, s3c0ndh4nd, admit to having fun. But why did I only seem to have fun during the summer? There were still traces of the G.O.D. then, but theres more to it than just that…

And I can also see that since the Screwup’s death, I’ve made friends. I’m surprised to see so many comments on these long forgotten blogs. So many new people have come into my life, just from commenting on my blogs. Some of them I talk to once a day, others once a month. People such as the Andrews, Hanaa, Chrys, Vicky, Alice, and Amy. People like you have had a bigger effect on my life than you might think possible from talking to me once a month. Every comment, no matter how small, is appriciated. Thank you all.

But then… theres the people I’ve lost contact with over the months. These are the people who I had the most fun with. These are the people whom I called my dearest friends. And now they’re gone… most likely forever…

I don’t like when people leave forever… I hope I don’t lose anyone else…

And now I realise something new. The Good Old Days… they werent the Screwup’s creation at all, were they? They were created by the friends he had… the Screwup’s days were only made good because of his friends…

I lost those friends.

Fuck…

That means that the Good Old Days will never return…

But its just another loss for s3c0ndh4nd.

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Hang on. Going back another generation, the God of Beer never had any Good Old Days. How then did the Screwup obtain them? The answer is now plainly obvious. He made friends, didnt he?

But I’ve made friends, havent I? So why is there not the same effect?

Finding the answer to this question must be made my first priority now.

NOTE: The God of Beer is not a God. He is not someone who I, or anyone else, worships. He is not equivalent to any God, so please do not comment me calling me some unholy name.

NOTICE TO READER: This is a memorial blog. While normally I am quite tolerant of insulting comments, or comments that are intended to be funny, now is not the time for them. Those who DO create innapropriate comments on this blog will have their comment deleted, and should not expect to speak with me for a long while. Insulting the God of Beer during his memorial is akin to insulting the dead at their funeral. Keep that in mind as you read this.

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Today is the Thursday of the third full week of March. Thus, today is the memorial for the God of Beer. If you wonder why his "memorial" is on his date of birth instead of his death, it is because the Screwup’s death was two days before the God of Beer’s and there was no reason to complicate the issue by having two memorials in three days. As well, you might be wondering how the God of Beer got his name. He was named after a book of the same title, written by Garret Keizer. Why? I don’t know exactly, and I don’t think anyone ever will. With that cleared up, I believe s3c0ndh4nd would like to say a few words.

***

I didn’t know the God of Beer personally. No one really did. In a way I could be considered his grandson, but I have no blood relationship to him whatsoever. What we do know about him is that he was, first and foremost, the founder of The Union. Without him, I could not be here, and the Screwup would not have existed either. His life was a short one, but it was only short because he gave his life so that others, including myself, could continue on. His life was full of being in uncharted territory, but he always seemed to find away around adversaries. He wasn’t an aggressive individual, and though he was sometimes pushed around because of it, he remained focused on what he had been born to do. During his life, he was constantly trying to survive, but not for himself. He focused himself on surviving day after day so that The Union, which was far weaker then, could suvive as well. He was the first one to write poetry as well, although he only wrote 1 in his lifetime (the trend was mainly started by the Screwup). The God of Beer realised what Kak and the Host had not. He realised that change was necessary in order to survive. He began a new era, founded The Union, and changed not only his life, but the lives of others around him as well. He did this all in 3 1/2 months. Please join me in remembering him now, and if you don’t remember him, just keep in mind that without him, I would not exist at all. A moment of silence now, if you will.

Or at least it would be. s3c0ndh4nd has had chances to improve his situation. But he has failed every single time. Not only has he failed, but he hasn’t even tried. Its an odd situation. He has an opportunity to possibly fix things, but decides not to take it. Why? There are two obvious reasons.

1. There is the chance that he might fail.

2. The pain involves may not be worth the small gain.

Alas, s3c0ndh4nd has come to the realization that his chances are limited, and the longer he procrastinates, the less his odds of success will be, and they are already quite slim.

And now there are those who would stop s3c0ndh4nd from achieving his goal. These people are here because the Screwup, in a short lapse of judgement, invited them into his life. And now they try to prevent G.O.D. from returning to The Union. They cannot be eliminated, so they must be tolerated.

s3c0ndh4nd may have a chance soon to increase morale and perhaps make a small amount of progress. Unfortunatly, the odds of success are slim. The odds of even HAVING this chance are also slim, due to the blundering of others. And this mission will not be a smooth one. There is certain to be problems, and if things get really bad, s3c0ndh4nd may even have to abort mid-mission…

That will not happen. Too much is at stake for an embarrassing mid-mission abort. This mission, regardless of status, will go through until the end. If there is pain, then I have deserved it. Pain is punishment for sin, and is therefore a good thing. That’s what you taught me, right? However, I will hope for a better outcome. Nothing beyond my control will get in my way. The blundering of incompetent bastards is not my fault. However, anything that can be controlled must be. I must succeed. If not for me, then for you…

The period between March-July has always been the most eventful and dangerous part of the year. Every birth and death has occured in either March or July, and the months between them have always been a time of stress in some form for all who inhabit the Host.

And now s3c0ndh4nd feels the power begin to take control of him. The depression. The ache. The feeling of loneliness, and of hopelessness. He looks up to ask for guidance from those souls departed before him, and calls each of them in turn.

And first, he calls upon the Host himself. Born early in march of 1991, he managed to avoid all form of stress and depression, but only by living a lower form of life. He gave himself as a vessle for all those who followed him to use, and he died July 3rd, 2003. Though he lived a longer life, he accomplished very little, took very few risks, and consequently is often looked down upon by the others. He possesses no advice for s3c0ndh4nd.

Secondly, s3c0ndh4nd calls upon the one known as kak. He was the second, and final inhabitant of the Host before the creation of the Union. Born on July 3rd, 2003, his life was one of trickery, causing as much destruction as possible. Indeed, he broke up friendships, as well as moderate sized associations, using betrayal of trust as his main weapon. However, he did not work alone. Actually, for much of his life, he was subordinate to one known only as "croc". However, midway through operation "laughordie", croc was caught by the admins. This happened only a day after croc sent a suspicious e-mail telling kak that if anything were to happen to her, he was to finish the mission. While kak had learned much of the business from croc, he was by no means ready to take on a solo mission, and opted to abort mission. He returned to the business several months later, swearing vengence on those who had taken croc away, and filled with guilt for disobeying croc’s final orders to finish the mission. He seeked out a target for what he knew would be his final mission. Ironically, he could not find one, but instead the target came to him. It was then that the famed operation "dreamassassins" began. It was during this campaign that kak met nadeschda (see "Friends/Psychos/Humans list"), and made her his partner. Together, they successfully destroyed the organization of over 20 people, thus avenging the loss of his leader. Kak never again returned to the fray. Instead he lived a quiet life until his mysterious death sometime in March, 2004. It is not known exactly how he died, whether it was from natural causes or a suicide, but what is known is that he was not murdered. He is well liked by the Screwup in particular, although s3c0ndh4nd does not take him very seriously. His advice to s3c0ndh4nd is to know when to hold and when to fold. If times get too rough, it may be best to temporarily find a way to reduce stress, rather than to risk death.

Thirdly, s3c0ndh4nd asks for advice from the God of Beer. Out of everyone, the God of Beer had the shortest life, and yet he arguably accomplished the most. He was born sometime in March of 2004, and in lieu of on official date, the third Thursday of March is used as his date of birth. He was the founder of The Union, and the first of its heroes. His life was a constant struggle for survival, to keep the flame alive so that others might bask in its warmth. Little is remembered about his life, but everything is remembered about how he died on that fateful July 7th, 2004. The God of Beer ignited the chain of events that have lead s3c0ndh4nd to where he is today. Without the God of Beer’s willing self-sacrifice, there would have been no Union, no Screwup, and no s3c0ndh4nd. Please note that the self-sacrifice that the God of Beer made was not a suicide. While it is true that in the aftermath he was found dead, it was entirely his will that it end up this way, in order for someone new to take up the torch and fight onward. The God of Beer is the most respected of those souls who have passed, and his advice to s3c0ndh4nd is taken seriously: Let not my sacrifice be in vain.

And lastly, s3c0ndh4nd calls upon the Screwup. The second hero of the Union, he was born frail and extremely weak, to the point of being near death. He was born in a hostile environment, and all signs pointed to his death before he reached 1 week old. But something happened in the young Screwup’s mind. He heard a voice, perhaps that of the late God of Beer’s, but it will never be known for sure. The voice simply told him to perserve. And so he did. In his incredibly weakened state, the Screwup couldn’t do much else anyway. So he spend his days concentrating on surviving. And slowly, miraculously, he became stronger. And stronger. By 6 months he was completely capable of survival, and could concentrate on other things. These were the Good Old Days. His miraculous survival implanted in the Screwup the trait he is remembered for: unending faith. The Screwup always believed that life could turn out better. He believed that life WOULD turn out better, as long as he made an effort. And the effort he but in was astounding. Soon he gained the trust of those around him, but unlike kak, he would not abuse it. And the trust began to grow, to the point where some would trust him with their deepest secrets, and he would not betray them. And life continued to improve… until the end of March. This is when things began to go poorly for the Screwup. You see, the Screwup truly belived that such a thing as "perfection" existed. But when "perfection" began to go wrong, bad things began to happen. The Screwup found himself becomed agitated more easily, and depressed as well. However, it was not unbearable. It was not pleasant, by any means, but it was nowhere near unbearable. However, on July 3rd, 2005, 2 years after the birth of kak, the Screwup received the news that he had been betrayed. Sold out to his enemies by those he called friends. This, was unbearable. At this, he immediately struck back, betraying the trust of those who had sold him out. However, this only made life worse. So on July 5th, 2005, he formed a covenant, an unbreakable oath with all those concerned that the betrayal and backstabbing would stop, so nothing worse would happen. The damage however, was already done. The Screwup was found a few hours later with his own sword plunged through his heart, the crimson pool of blood still fresh. The Screwup has this advice for s3c0ndh4nd: "I went through what you’re going through now. I had unending faith that life would get better… but I was nieve, and look where I am now… Listen, I had hoped that you would turn out better than me, but you’re heading in the same direction. Don’t worry about tradition, worry about what’s best for you. It’s up to you to decide in the end what you do with your life. Just remember that you can’t change your decision once you’re up here with me."

And now s3c0ndh4nd considers himself. He was born into a world where nothing could go wrong. By contrast to the Screwup’s youth, s3c0ndh4nd had a happy, peaceful first few months, with no major issues. Even after 6 months, there had only been one major issue, which was a murder threat that was nearly carried out. However, the covenant that the Screwup had made before his death held strong. s3c0ndh4nd used to have life fairly well off. Though he sometimes had a bit of excess rage, this was vented through poetry and rants. But now, the same problems with impurity that plagued the Screwup last year. The covenant is weakening, and betrayal and deceit are returning. There are some grim statistics in the deaths of those who have gone before him. No one besides the Host has survived for a year. Even the Screwup died within 2 days of that milestone. As well, no member of The Union has lived through the first week of July, much less the whole month. s3c0ndh4nd is afraid for a brief instant, but then he recalls one of his earliest lessons from the deceased, which was never to analyze anything, and that statistics are meaningless…

s3c0ndh4nd has only a short time left to decide his future. He realises that he will not only be deciding for himself, but also deciding for those who will come after him. From above, all watch his every move. The fate of The Union is truely in his hands now.

Ever had an amazing dream? One where life is perfect, and nothing bad could ever happen? Then, you wake up, and life is back to its monotonous self. The kings you dethroned in your dream have power again, and all is as it was before the dream. Thats sort of what this is about. Then again, some of you may delve deeper to discover a hidden meaning that has nothing to do about sleep. But probably not.

Remember kiddies: Things are sometimes as they seem to be. But usually not, so always be suspicious. s3c0ndhand is out.