the one where i talk about my feelings.

i don't like talking about my feelings. the end. like a therapist's worst nightmare, i'd much rather just have a quiet little pity party by myself and then get over it. but there's one thing that just keeps nagging me ooover and ooovvver, and it's kind of annoying. the thing is: friends.

do i have friends? yes. do i have (local) friends that don't have kids and are willing to go see a band, or stay out late, or talk about potty subjects like cal and i do without thinking it's dumb and immature? no. i know that each friend brings something different and fulfills a different need that we have, but my problem is that i'm seriously lacking a certain type of fun in my friendships. don't get me wrong, i think kids are great, and some of my friends have awesome kids that i love playing with, but when it comes right down to it, if there's something good going on that would keep us out late, or even until the early hours of the morning, a mom friend doesn't want to go. trust me, i don't want to be a sloppy party girl like paris hilton, but hey, every now and again, it would be fun to have a crazy night, right? so the problem is, at 29 it's difficult to find friends that aren't parents, and not only that, but i don't work with peers, and i'm kind of shy until i get to know someone, so how in the world is a girl supposed to find and make these much-needed new friends? i mean, i can't walk up to someone and say, "hey, i noticed we dress similarly and you have a sticker on your car for a band i like, wanna hang out?" i mean, if i wanted to seem like a stalker, success! but i don't.

do you know what i'm talking about? i know i'm not the only one because i've had this sort of conversation with a few other people before who seem to have the same problem, but seriously, i feel like i'm just sitting still spinning my wheels. it's annoying, and sometimes it just puts me in a funk. so there, those are my feelings. if you read it all, just imagine i'm giving you a giant bear hug right now.

i really intended to show you the stones i got on saturday, but i got home a little late, and of course i had to run, because if i tell myself i'll do it later, the fact of the matter is, i won't! so i can't put off running if i'm in the mood to do it. oh, and speaking of which, i did track for years in school, and the two main things that helped my endurance were keeping my body loose, and taking LONG strides. so you'd think i'd just always do that when i'm running, right? no. this week i've made myself lengthen my strides, and you can't imagine how much better it feels! it's like i'm just not getting that tired, and i can just keep going and going! it's amazing! so much for smoking crack, i'm pretty addicted to this new found endurance. oh, and i didn't share the pretty stones that brittan sent me for my birthday yet, so that's where the picture came from. i hate doing a blog post without a picture.

35 comments:

did you read my mind right now. seriously, because this is my exact problem. im not super great at making friends to begin with but every friend that I left behind in tucson is a mom to 2+ kids and now we never even talk, and I haven't even made any real friends in sd. ive met people (okay, i met one new friend from blogging but we only hung out once, and I have people I work with, but I dont even talk to them out side of work)I don't want kids. I love them, but I don't really want any of my own. Therefore, I think women my age who have kids think I'm a weirdo. like why in the world would I not want kids...I think thats why I love blogging so much, because I have made so many friends who have similar lifestyles as me and "get it"um, to make a long story short, I totally understand where you are coming from and I wish wish wish we lived closer to each other because that would solve both our problems.bear hugs and love bugs. i get you.

beca, it was the BEST comment ever! yeah, i think we're like sending esp messages or something. i'm like you, i truly don't want kids. i like them, i just don't think they're right for me, or me for them, and i've felt that way for years now. and you're right, people our age think we're strange for not wanting kids i guess because it's just something that's expected of us, but it's frustrating. i know you're right on my wavelength with this (and lots of other things), and i think the biggest downside to blogging is the fact that this country is too damn big, so the people we form close friendships with are often like 2,000 miles away! AAAHHHH!!! bear hugs right back atcha.

yay for sharing! i moved to philadelphia about a year ago and now commute to work. (meaning i've left a lot of friends behind) it has been near impossible to make new friends (where do you even start!?) and it's hard since my boyfriend works ALL OF THE TIME. (plus then i feel lame that i am dependent on him for hanging out) even taking the whole baby thing out of the picture (and trust me i know how it can just put a bridge between you and a good gf), i just find that its hard at a certain age to make any new friends period.

so anyways, thanks for sharing! i always feel so lame to hang around with my cat bc i dont have that go to girlfriend nearby anymore ;)

I know what you mean. I am a military wife so we have moved quite a bit and I find it very hard making new friends. I am also shy and it takes me a while to feel comfortable around people. I also have a kid which might scare people away and I totally understand but I know where you are coming from. I am often a loner and I do go to school but everyone is a lot younger than me so I feel weird making friends that are much more younger than me. I guess for the time being I am stuck being a loner.

although i kinda think friendships are hard when you get older whether kids are involved or not. i feel like people just get so sucked into their 9-5 lives with errands and to-do's crammed in at every free moment, it makes keeping up with friendships hard. a lot of our friends don't have kids yet, but the friendships are difficult to maintain nonetheless. quite honestly, even though i don't have kids, i'm not too exciting about staying out late and being spontaneous. maybe i'm just old and lame :).

wish i lived closer though....i'd come have adventures with you and force myself to stay up late sometimes :).

Girl, I get it. Okay, none of my friends have kids. . . but! I do get it. Because I'm at home for the summer, and I don't have ANY friends here. I didn't keep in touch with anyone from high school, because there were all peckers and I didn't like them - so what was the point?!? Oh... not being alone in the summer, I guess that would have been the point. But shit, just because I'm lonely doesn't mean I need to hang out with those people again. It's just that my town is so small that there's no opportunity to make new friends. I already know them all. Yeah, I have a new job, but the people I work with are all over 40. I can't really be like, HEY DUDES LET'S GRAB SOME BEERS AND A PIZZA AND JUST SHOOT THE SHIT. Cause they all give crap about how young I am anyway, and how I don't have any responsibilities, and I don't understand what being tired really means and blah blah blah. Stfu, I didn't ask for a lecture, I just said I woke up at 7 o'clock and that's early for me. Chill out. Sorry, this turned into a rant about something else entirely. But yeah, I get what you mean. It's pretty hard on me right now because I work and I come home, and I don't do much fun. . . and it's really taking it's toll cause this crisis counseling job is so emotionally draining. Blegh. I wish there was an island where we could round up everyone we like - like Micaela! And you and me and Marianne! That'd be a great island. haha

I feel your pain about working at home, like I love doing it but sometimes i'm like dang i miss just interacting with people sometimes? I don't know it's kind of catch 22 because I would probably hate working for someone else if i wasn't doing what I'm doing now.

i think that is a season that lots of 25+ year old (young?) folks hit. i'm 26 and def. in that weird season. not entirely bad but i do miss those days back in college when you were in a community of people on the same page and season as you. so you are not alone in this at all. thanks for sharing!!

p.s. and yes, i cant ever post without a photo. youre not alone there either. ;)

Dude. Are we brain twins, or something? This is exactly my life...and actually the life of A LOT of girls that I know. It's funny, so many of us feel this way, but also think it's creepy to simply walk up to someone and be like you said, stalkerish. What a conundrum...

I don't know what it's like to have all mom friends, but I have been at that point where I felt like I didn't have any one. I definitely get where you just want to hang out with anyone just cause the LOOK like you would have something in common! It's an embarrassing feeling but I think a lot of girls feel that way :) I Know I do from time to time.

As far as the mom thing goes, I know I at least feel that way in the blog world. I feel like everyone and their mothers (literally) have babies and families and weddings to blog about. I can't relate to those people! I'm not getting married NOR do I have a kid or one on the way! I think that's why I like your blog so much. Because you inspire people like me, who are just simply existing :)

Feel better! Just know, that if distance weren't an issue, I'm sure every single one of your followers would be jumping at the chance to hang with you!

I know exactly how you feel. I'm 32 - all my friends are wonderful Mums but I'm not (not yet anyway, never say never) and I find myself really isolated from them. I love them, but I really think they don't know where I am coming from sometimes. Which makes me feel kind of selfish because I'm just me and they are them plus their children.

This is also compounded with the fact that I now live in a new town where I know nobody and it is so hard to make friends at this age! I work at home, I distance study, I need to get my act in to gear and join some groups or something just to get a bit more human contact, but then there's the shy thing.

It's a toughie, if I knew the answer I'd tell you. In the mean time *hugs back*

you know how i feel about this subject. i get so frustrated and then feel like there is something wrong with me because i try to be friends with people, but, honestly, i feel like i am the only one putting in the effort! i mean, how freaking hard is it to pick up the damn phone? i pretty much have given up and now am desperately wishing my business would pick up so i could take a road trip or two to visit people i have made friends with on my blog (aka- you, he he). anyway, it is really frustrating and i could go on for hours. plus it really kinda hurts my feelings, which makes me feel even lamer...

anyway, the kid thing is confusing for me. i love kids, never wanted them, then in the past couple years i kind of started feeling like i might want them, but i just don't know. andy and i have 3 "kids" right now, as you know. 1 feathered and 2 furry... that seems good. i think if i could give birth to puppies it would be all good in the hood (yes i said it), but from what i understand, that isn't possible, ha ha ha!

ok, no more rambling from me. just wanted to say, i have been having the same problem- big time! the one person right now that i have been trying to get together with is pregos and i have to call her (but she is super sweet, so maybe it will be cool!)...oh god this comment turned into a novel.

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN. About having a few less friends than you'd like anyway. But now people we know are starting to get married/have babies and we are still doing the college thing. I wish it were easier to make friends, but it's not! I totally have thought about approaching random people before too (not like I really would! eep!) I just wish I weren't so awkward.

We could be IRL friends, if I ever move to VA or you guys move to FL :)

I totally get this 100%. I read Tina Fey's Bossypants, and she described her feelings regarding animals exactly like I would describe my feelings about children. I don't hate them, I just actively don't care about them. When someone shows me cute pictures of their baby, I struggle to respond appropriately. I've tried to be supportive, but then every conversation is about the kid, any friend-routines are planned around the kid's schedule, and outings are only based on whether they can be away from their kid and for how long. And soon enough, I'm bending over backwards to accomodate them and it just wears me right out.

It's really hard to meet people who have common interests and don't have kids. How does one even go about it? I've always had trouble making new friends. Plus I'm at home all day, I am kind of shy, and I generally really enjoy my aloneness, so I can go on like that for a while before I think, Oh yeah. It would be really great to hang out with someone who's like me. And then I feel sad about it again. And I'm talking about someone who actually wants to do the friend thing as much as I do. I agree with what Owlie described above. I'm always the one having to put in all the effort. I feel like if I didn't, I wouldn't get one phone call or attempt from anyone to touch base with me and that's pretty sad. I'm sure there's someone in this city that feels the same way as I do, but I have no idea how to find her.

really, i don't know why we never had a crazy night when i was in madison heights! It was much too short, my time there.

i am glad you wrote this because you do know you aren't alone. Sometimes i do want to walk up to someone and be like, "can i be friends with you?" lol i've been tempted... or when i see a group of even older women laughing at lunch, i want to be like, "i'm new here, and i like you guys laughing. mind if i sit down?" haha! REALLY! It's terrible. I've been so restless with all this time on my hands.. thank God the dogs keep me company but you know what i mean! how sad it is that i look forward to my two pilates class a week for interaction (i did meet a gf there! success!)

Now i sound terribly sad. haha

so thank you for this post because you can clearly see my pretty girl fiancee, you aren't alone.

Wowza Toesy! Look at this response! If only we could round up all these brilliant ladies & befriend each & every one of them. Although, to be honest, I'd like to keep you for myself, thanks. ;) I love you mucho & I wish we lived close so we could be old lady, late night friends together. I have so much to tell you. You must get on chat or call me or something. Love love love you Toes.

i think a lot of girls have this problem! i think walking up to them an giving a quick interview could be totally acceptable, haha :) a lot of my friends are with child, etc...and i have some single friends that i have to hang out with for the fun. i can be your party pants friend, move here!

I completely understand where you're coming from. I too, like Jess, moved to Philly not that long ago, and it's been tough making friends. And I feel the friends I do have are on their own track with families and babies, doing their own thing. I feel a lot like you do and so many others do as well. I like children, but I don't think they are for me & people look at me like I have ten horns growing out of my head. I say, we should all meet up, those of us who can, in the surrounding areas, if we could do a fun weekend, because I would love that! I don't live terribly far away, but that would be so fun! An adventure! We should do this! Make it a tradition! Yes, I say! I would totally plan this! Internet friends 4eva!

It is such a relief to hear somebody talking about it OUT LOUD! This is like group therapy! Making new friends when you're a grown up is so much harder than it should be, you are not alone in this feeling at all. We should all get together from all over the world and have a big party!

It's as if you wrote down all the things that I feel! I can certainly relate to this post. I'm also 29 and long for those fun university party days! I also work from home, alone, all day, and sometimes I just need a break from my house. I would totally go see bands with you, move to Canada!

Girl, according to these comments, you're clearly not alone! You live in the bay area, right? I think I remember reading that on your blog a while back. I'm up north in Nevada City and go to SF often. Let's meet up and get a drink sometime!

It's so ironic how the internet connects us to everyone and everything, allowing us to work at home. But in doing so, it actually cuts us off from human interaction and ultimately makes us feel alone and friendless. wamp wamp.

I know exactly how you feel. I'm a junior at college but I am working so hard to get my nursing degree I just want to let off some steam and hang out with people. My only issue is I dont drink and in college that seems to be the ONLY way people know how to be friends. I just wish there was a way to meet like minded people to have a good time with without drinking. Also I have had the problem of making a bunch of awesome friends that move away. One of my best friends is getting married and is really too busy and my other best friend just had a baby and I feel like I always have to call them to hang out. Oy vay.

<3 Sarahtheantiquepearl.blogspot.com

feel free to send me a email if you want an internet friend. Im always down for a good chat ;) sarahdee (at) live (dot) com

After college, my fiance (now husband) and I lived in Portland for some time. I was miserable with exactly the same kind of "friends" you describe. And, despite being a totally outgoing person and attempting to meet people more "my speed", I left PDX a year later with virtually NO friends. I basically HAD to move back to my hometown in Chicago to get "real" friends back. And, I have to say, it was a good choice. This evening, we're all heading out to German-fest for beers and bratwurst into the wee morning hours. :)

I feel the same way. I have friends that are my own age, but our interests are SO different that it's hard to enjoy the same things sometimes. They don't get why I blog or sew or take photos or make jewelry. Not to mention, I'm only 22, and my friends have the "I don't want to stay out late" syndrome as well! We just graduated from college and everyone's working their first big girl jobs and it seems like no one knows how to balance being young and having fun with their responsibilities. I would LOVE to have more friends around that I could go out and see bands and have drinks and laugh about silly things with!

there's not much i can say other than i want to give you a tackle hug or a massive, awesome, barney stintson slow-mo high five right now.

i had just decided to skim blogs to decide what to read after work and wound up reading every single syllable. unfortunately, i feel like a lot of women won't admit this either, thinking it'd be bitchy sort of. but i know for a fact that when you have an opinion or feeling, you cannot, cannot be the only one.

anyway, got to go to work (bleh, working all weekend's a blast, eh?) but chin up. you rock and aare SO not alone, haha. i actually spoke to stephen about this when you and i were tweeting the other night. he said something along the lines of 'it's nice to know there are women who feel the same way about kids like that.' see, we are not alond in this area of annoyance, haha.

I get it. I used to feel exactly the same as you...we had many talks. But,I believe waiting until I was "old" to have a baby is what made the difference. I needed all my time and I got everything out of my system that i felt I needed to do and I was so ready for a baby. I had actually come to the point where I felt I no longer wanted what I always had. You may or may not ever reach that feeling. All I can say is that life is very short and it really does go by in a blink. One day, you're old! Do everything you can and want but don't ever put limits on yourself. There is something so incredibly surreal about growing a life and you have so much to give and could create such a beautiful little gem! On friends...I never much cared for them to begin with!

Having no friends nearby can be so frustrating!I moved to Atlanta about a year and a half ago, made a few friends through work, then once we all got laid off, I completely stopped seeing them so I'm back at square one! I've taken photography classes, and I take classes at my gym, but I'm a shy person. And honestly, I want to find friends who are similar to me, not just convenient, ya know? Hmm, what's a grown-up girl to do?

I'm chiming in a bit late here, but I completely understand. All of my friends have kids and definitely don't want to meet up for a cocktail (or 8) after work, let alone go see a band or travel to a music festival or what have you. I don't have one of those "I could call them at 4am and they'd be 100% ok with it" friends... at least not anymore. Sadness! If we lived in the same town, I'd suggest we meet up for drinks. Damn you, geography!

Hello, I do feel the same way as you too. I got married when I was 20 and from then on I moved to a further place and I got distant with my friends.. I'm too shy to start a conversation with someone face-to-face. Love reading your blog!

I'm not much of a blogger, but I'm always up for giving my 2 cents. You are awesome Danielle. No matter what anyone says, you are perfect just the way you are. You are the most creative, useful, and inspiring person I can think of. You are you. You're not afraid to be yourself, you don't conform, you just rock at being you. You don't need a baby to make you happy. When or if youre ready, you know ill babysit (even when its being a little shit and you don't wanna deal with it, send it to me). There are plenty of self-absorbed people who like to rain on our parades, don't let them. Put on some awesome rainboots, find an umbrella, and dance.

ABOUT US. We're Danielle and Flojo. I love birds, clogs, and classic punk (I'm lookin' at you, Jello Biafra). Flojo likes peanuts, kisses, and cuddling.Everything we do, we do together - like this blog.

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