"If this isn't love" Part III

Reprogramming is hard work. I had to do a lot of it over the next year of our relationship. It meant taking all of the information that I had collected over my mature years, and tossing it out the window. All of the things I learned from my previous relationships had to go. This is not to say that I didn't learn vital lessons in my past relationships. It just meant that I didn't learn the right ones.

I thought I was a woman that just knew what she wanted. But after being called "selfish" and "ungrateful" so many times, I began to realize that I was a woman that knew what she wanted, but didn't care about how she got it or what it took for him to get it. I was spoiled. Rotten. It was ugly. I remember our 1st Valentine's Day together. He asked me what I wanted, so I told him that I wanted a diamond cross pendant necklace. And you know what? I expected to get my diamond cross pendant necklace. Valentine's Day came, and out came a little white box. I opened the box with great anticipation....already planning the shirt that I was going to wear with it to show it off. I slipped off the lid...paused...and put on that fake "awww, babe...thank you" face. In this white box, was a diamond cross pendant. A tiny (compared to my expectations) diamond cross pendant...with NO NECKLACE!!! I tried to hide it, but I was pissed!!! For the past month, I had been envisioning myself pulling the necklace out of the box...teeth gleaming...teary eyed....asking my boo to carefully place it around my neck. But it was a pendant...and a pendant ONLY! What was I supposed to do with this??? Put it in my pocket??? This was NOT what I asked for!!!

I learned that day that I wasn't very good at hiding my emotions. At any point in time, he could read me like a tarot card, but that day, my face was dripping with disdain. I was so disappointed. I wanted to cry. "Where's the necklace?" I finally asked. I couldn't even tell you what his response was...I don't even know if I heard it. And if I did, it wouldn't have mattered...I was already upset. Skip to the end of the day, and I had a necklace to put my new pendant on. But you know what? I still had my lip stuck out. Why, you ask? Cuz the whole effect was ruined! I was expecting perfection! It was our first Valentine's Day! It should've happend the same way it goes in the movies! I should've felt like a queen that day!

Mr. Marcus tried to be understanding. But Mr. Marcus started to remember how many stores he had to go to find that necklace. To venture out on a rigorous search and only come up with a pendant. To bring that pendant back to your ever-expecting, spoiled brat of a girlfriend. So I bet you can guess what happened next...

Yeah...I was all kinds of "selfish" and "ungrateful"!!! Especially, after he pointed out that I didn't get him a thing!

Yeah, I know. All of that makes me sound like a complete, self-absorbed narcissist. But it's easy to accept your selfishness when it's spelled out so clearly, like in the above situation. However, do you ever stop and think about the everyday situations? Do you appreciate the fact that haven't paid for a meal since he's been around. Are you grateful for having someone that saves their quarters to take your car to the car wash for you? Have you told him "Thank You" for intently listening to you vent about how your boss actually expects you to do work everyday? You see, it's the little things. And I've learned that one of the greatest things you can show your man is a little appreciation.

It only took me about 6 months, but I finally started to pick up this little tip. I began to show my endless appreciation every opportunity I could. And I have to tell you...you have no idea how that small effort on my part changed the dynamics of our relationship for the better. That little bit of fertilizer gave us just what we needed to grow our little relationship into a perfect partnership.