Annie: Woman stressed out over boyfriend's relationship with ex-wife

DEAR ANNIE: My boyfriend and I met three years ago. He was separated from his wife of 20 years after he found out she was cheating on him. Their divorce was final six months later. “Lawrence” is a lot older. I am 28, and he is 50.

His ex has caused nothing but problems for us, so naturally, I don’t much care for her. This past year, however, Lawrence has been going over to her house under the pretense of seeing his grandchildren. There are also a lot of phone calls and text messages between the two of them.

I don’t like this one bit, but Lawrence has made it clear that if I can’t deal with her, our relationship is over. I love him very much, but why is it OK for him to hang out with his ex-wife, but if I so much as talk to a male friend, he becomes angry? How do I compete with a 20-year relationship? He insists they are just friends, and he only goes to her place when the grandchildren are there. But I have a gut feeling that he is not telling me everything.

So, my question is, do I simply deal with this, or do I put my foot down and give him an ultimatum? — Stressed About the Ex

We think Lawrence is still interested in his ex-wife. If this were solely about the grandchildren, he could arrange to see them without going to her home. Instead, he made it clear that his need to see her takes precedence over his relationship with you. If you give him an ultimatum, you will lose him — but at this point, that may be the better choice.

DEAR ANNIE: Recently, my mother, an intelligent older woman, fell victim to a contracting scam. The contractor noticed she needed some work done on her house and showed up on her doorstep offering to do a free appraisal. He seemed professional and probably somewhat charming, so she let him give her an estimate. He showed her a license to convince her that he was reputable, gave her a written contract, which conveniently did not include a time frame for completion, and collected the bulk of the money in advance.

After she paid him, there were immediate problems. The contractor and his workers showed up for half a day for the first week, whereupon he told her she needed additional work and took another check from her. They’ve now been missing for two weeks and have made no attempt to contact her.

I contacted the county and was told that he does not have a legitimate business license. The paper he showed her was forged. It is imperative for anyone who has been scammed to contact the attorney general in their state to file a complaint. The more complaints, the more likely it is that the matter will be pursued. It’s also important to contact your local homebuilders association for information on how to avoid being the victim of a scam. And always check out any contractor before you hire them, no matter how professional or charming they appear to be. — Hoping To Stop the Crook in Montgomery, Ala.

Thanks for the warning. We’ll add one more: Do not pay the bulk of the money in advance. A reasonable down payment should be enough.

DEAR ANNIE: Please tell “Not Dutiful Much Longer,” and others who struggle to deal with an elderly relative who behaves in a nasty manner, that a simple antidepressant can make a big difference. It can make the relative feel better, and life can be more pleasant for her and for people around her. — A Psychologist Who Knows

It is true that an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication can be tremendously beneficial for some people, but unfortunately, not all of them are willing to try.