My Year in Solitude: The Facts and Myths of Being Single in Your Twenties

I was scrolling through my newsfeed on Facebook the other day when on of those “memory posts” popped up. You know, the kind that says, “See what happened one year ago today!” and posts a 365-day-old photo of you? Well, out of nowhere popped up a photo of me eating Dairy Queen in bed.

I don’t eat Dairy Queen unless a) I’ve just been dumped or b) I just dumped someone.

“Oh wow,” I thought to myself as I looked at the unattractive photo of me scarfing down ice cream. “I’ve been single for a whole year now.”

And BAM! that’s when it hit me. I have been single for a whole year. From the time I first began dating when I was about fourteen or fifteen, this has never once happened to me. I usually go straight from one guy to the next (which I don’t think there’s anything wrong with. I’m young, give me a break) so this whole “single” thing was new to me. I’ve probably never been single for longer than a few months at best before I had moved along.

But suddenly, there I was a whole year later, still without a boyfriend.

Am I complaining? Not at all. Actually, I found this year to be one of the most enjoyable in my whole life. And that’s why I decided to make this post: to debunk a lot of the terrible myths that go with being single.

Myth 1: It’s not them, it’s you.

Hold up. It’s not your fault by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, it’s no one’s fault because there’s no one to blame. If you’re single, it’s because you just are. Period. Maybe you’re holding out for that special someone or maybe you’re just not interested in anyone right now. Whatever the reason, it’s not your fault. And don’t think it’s because of the way you look or act; everyone has their quirks and yours are going to seem endearing to your soulmate when you eventually find him or her.

Fact 1: You get lonely

It doesn’t matter how many friends you have or how supportive your family is. You are bound to get lonely at some points in your single life experience. There will be good days where you feel a little lonely so you call up your friends and go see a movie and forget about your loneliness instantly, but there will also be bad days where you end up sobbing uncontrollably in a bucket of nachos because you think your life is over. It’s important to remember that your life is NOT over, your relationship is. And is that really a bad thing? You might think so now, but give it time and I’m sure you’ll agree with me when I say it’s for the best.

Myth 2: You’re not single by choice

Actually, it’s pretty much always the opposite. If you didn’t initiate your last breakup, people tend to believe that means you are single because you’ve been forced into this lifestyle. Usually however, single people are asked out on a regular basis. Source: it happens to me all the time, from all sorts of people. I say no 99% of the time however because I’m a very selective person (I’m not talking about physically, I’m just very shy when it comes to meeting new people so I prefer to just… not). Odds are if you are single, there’s a million people out there that want to get with you, you either just have to find them or wait for the right one.

Fact 2: People will treat you differently when you’re single

What’s the best part of having a boyfriend or girlfriend? You’re almost always a lot more social because you’re not only hanging out with him or her more often, but also their friends and friendgroup as well. At bars and clubs, random people will come up to you and hit on you (ESPECIALLY guys – and they’ll almost always try and “dance” with you… and by “dance” I mean try to shove their boner in your ass and wiggle it around and pretend it’s dancing. Yuck). When you’re single, you will also start to understand who your true friends are and who was just with you because you were with your partner.

Myth 3: The worst part about being single is the lack of sex

This myth is mostly surrounding women. People assume that just because you’re single, you aren’t getting laid. Well sorry double-standards, but that’s just not true. Women can get action just as easily, if not easier, than men can. However, this is not always a myth. Many people prefer to only have sex when they’re in a committed relationship. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that also, but again, it’s all about choice. And if you ask me, not having sex would NOT be the worst part about being single; the loneliness would be. It’s painful sometimes when you don’t have anyone to talk to about your day or ask a million questions to.

Fact 3: You will start to understand yourself as a person a bit more

Have you ever been so involved with another person that you stopped being able to imagine yourself without them? Well, the good thing about being single is that you’ll have a lot more time to yourself, meaning you’ll start to discover things you never knew about who you are. Who knows, maybe you’re actually a master ninja in disguise as a heartbroken single. One can dream.

Myth 4: Getting back into dating is hard

Only if YOU make it hard. Often we psych ourselves out before going on dates. We get nervous and panic-y and we start to doubt ourselves. Maybe that’s why people often don’t get a second date; that lack of self-confidence shows while you’re on your first one. Just take chances, date whomever you’d like to and have fun with it. Whatever you do, don’t blame yourself if the date goes poorly. Hey, more time to enjoy the single life.

Fact 4: You have more time to yourself

This fact goes hand in hand with number three. While I’ve been single this past year, I’ve climbed mountains, hiked forests, started working out, learned how to crochet, painted landscapes, and did some of my best writing ever. Being single means you don’t have to worry about going out and seeing your SO every night. You can do LITERALLY WHATEVER YOU WANT with your time. Except murder.

Myth 5: You gain weight

Says who? Seriously, I can’t believe some people actually assume this. No, just because we’re single does not mean we’re depressed blobs that cry every night and eat three gallons of ice cream after each meal. It means we aren’t in a relationship, period. In fact, most people I’ve found who are single are in better shape. Why? Because we have more time to work out (see fact four) and we’re usually less stressed about having to impress anyone with our appearance, hence we feel better about the way we look. Even if you do gain a little bit of weight when being/ becoming single, who cares? When you meet the right person, it’s not like they’re going to mind at all.

Fact 5: You’re going to be okay

If you want to start dating again, it will happen. If you want to be in a relationship again, it will happen. Just relax and enjoy where life leads you. I’m risking sounding like a total cliche here but you really should just live for the moment. Stop worrying about ex’s and future boyfriends or girlfriends and just enjoy being who you are at the moment, without a SO. I believe in you, young grasshopper.