Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I do have issues with "dinner"... it has become this topic that tends to put me into the pressure cooker of emotions!

.

I try to be organized in the kitchen and have a plan. I try and have a menu before I go shopping; and then try to have meals for my boys every night, because I really believe it makes a difference in our family when we sit and eat meals together at home. I am not great at it, but I really try.

.

I know this sounds crazy, and it should probably be an easy part of my duties as Mom and wife... but there are allot of the things that have lead up to my "dinner breakdowns".

.

I had a church meeting scheduled this afternoon and I knew it might run into dinner time a little, and I hadn't planned ahead far enough to get meat thawed out to make the meatloaf dinner I wanted to; so before my meeting started I threw in 3 sweet potatoes in the oven to bake for an hour and I had a yummy brown sugar turkey kielbasa recipe I wanted to try out... so I thought if the potatoes were in I could throw together a salad while the meat cooked and pull together a meal for my boys! It's a plan, I am all set... so one would think.

.

I knew I might be taking a little tiny chance with the Strong Silent Mysterious Man by buying TURKEY kielbasa, but hey, he has switched over to turkey pepperoni now on our homemade pizza's, and I even made ground turkey in tacos once and he agreed to deal with it, so we could try and be a little healthier. So turkey kielbasa wasn't really a huge stretch from there.

.

So as soon as I could get dinner going, they were hoovering and asking THE BIG QUESTION... "what's for dinner?"

.

Much to my surprise the dinner discussion breakdown didn't end up being over the turkey kielbasa, it was over the sweet potatoes! My strong silent mysterious man doesn't like sweet potatoes??? REALLY?? We went all the way to the part where he asked ME "how long have we been married, and how many sweet potatoes have you seen me eat?".

.

Okay now I am a loser mom/wife not only because I can't seem to get dinner on the table for my boys, but because I have been married for almost 18 years and didn't know my husband doesn't like sweet potatoes!! CAPITAL "L"!

.

That wasn't the worst part, the worse part is that they actually left and went and got fast food for dinner! I KNOW!!

So I took my sweet potato and turkey and salad and ate my dinner for one.

In their defense they did come home and offer to share their meals with me.... they were nice about the whole entire thing, they really were, it could have gone much worse.

.

But going forward, how does one recover from this?

I like to try new things, I am trying to make healthier choices for me and for US. My boys could eat a can of Nalley's chili literally EVERY night of the week. But I just can't go there! I have too much to do in a day to make two or three meals. I don't feel like a good Mom letting my family eat a can of chili. They are fine fixing for themselves, but how do I be everything I need and want to be (good Mom, good Wife, thinner healthier me) going in this direction?

.

I don't know, it was a day I felt like I worked towards being all the things I aspired to be, and then got kicked in the stomach! I will have to sleep on this one.

"Sometimes GRACE manifests as synchronicity-its energy brings together people or events in a soothing, helpful, or dramatic way when you most need it and least expect it. At other times grace is the energy that suddenly illuminates us with understanding, allowing us to see what we had not been able to grasp before. Grace can also lift us into an altered state of consciousness in which we feel suffused by an unfamiliar energy -an indescribable combination of love, hope, and fearlessness."