The 5 best moments of the 2013 NFL season that haven't happened yet

So the NFL season is pretty much off to the start everyone expected, right? If Vegas had been taking bets before Thursday night’s opening game on the following trifecta, would what the odds have been?

If you had predicted that 1) a nearby (but apparently nowhere that close to the stadium) lightning storm would delay the kickoff a half hour, 2) that a showboating Broncos defensive player would blow a pick six in front of the goal line (indirectly resulting in a brief injury to a teammate) and 3) that Peyton Manning would tie an NFL record with seven touchdowns all in the same game, your teachings would be harvested for future generations as though you were some kind of modern day NFL Nostradamus.

With that in mind, there are still 255 games left to be played this NFL regular season. As we saw in Denver, pretty much anything is on the table. Keep in mind, I fully expect none of these events to actually occur over the next 17 weeks. But just in case any of them do, I apologize in advance to the future academics who have to study my life.

Week 2 – Pittsburgh Steelers at Cincinnati Bengals

In a recent episode of Hard Knocks, Jon Gruden admitted that his younger brother Jay crushed him in a footrace when he was in college and the Bengals offensive coordinator was just a high school student. The revelation takes its toll on the Monday Night Football commentator, who spends the entire third quarter of a Bengals blowout yelling things like “Who’s in better shape now? This guy! Who’s had two head coaching jobs and won a Super Bowl? This guy!” until he disappears from the booth at the two minute warning. Lisa Salters appears on the field to interview Bengals QB Andy Dalton after the game when Jon Gruden, dressed in running shorts, a visor and UnderArmour tank top, grabs the mic WWE-style and challenges Jay to “be a man and come race me in the 40.”

Week 5 – Buffalo Bills at Cleveland BrownsThe Browns get off to a rough start in this national primetime game, falling behind 17-0 as Bills rookie E.J. Manuel throws two touchdowns while Browns quarterback Brandon Weeden struggles. That all changes when Cleveland brings hometown rap group Bone Thugs-n-Harmony out for a halftime performance in between stops on the current Rock The Bells tour. The band performs their hit “Tha Crossoads,” along with a hologram of deceased rapper Eazy-E, which somehow spurs the team from the moribund state it’s been in over the past decade. Weeden throws for 325 yards and five touchdowns as the Browns win 35-17 and go 12-0 to finish the regular season.

Rex Ryan’s team enters this game against his brother Rob’s New Orleans defense with a troubling injury report. NYJ: OUT M. Sanchez (shoulder), G. Smith (post-traumatic stress), M. Simms (knee). After the Jets’ last standing signal-caller Brady Quinn tears a pectoral muscle in a pregame pushup contest, Ryan looks into the stands and sees a tall 49-year-old man with a familiar face. In town from Florida to visit family on Long Island, Vinny Testaverde is coaxed out of retirement for one last shot at glory with the team. After a first half where he throws four interceptions and completes 1 of 15 passes, Ryan announces at halftime that Testaverde will remain the Jets starter for the rest of the year.

Week 13 – Oakland Raiders at Dallas Cowboys

(Photo: AP/Jack Dempsey)

Forced to play on Thanksgiving Day for the first time since 2009, Raiders kicker Sebastian Janikowski is accused by several Cowboys players of illegally spiking their team’s Gatorade cooler with tryptophan during warmups prior to Oakland’s 28-3 win. The ensuing “Turkeygate” scandal results in a four game suspension for the veteran. He’ll return in time for the team’s first playoff game as AFC Pro Bowl starter Terrelle Pryor and the Raiders host the Bengals.

Week 17 – Green Bay Packers at Chicago Bears

(Photo: Mike DiNovo-USA TODAY Sports)

Bears quarterback Jay Cutler throws for 305 yards and three touchdowns, but a fourth-quarter interception by the Packers’ Casey Hayward seals a 31-24 Green Bay win that leaves the 9-7 Bears just shy of the playoffs for a second consecutive year. Cutler, an unrestricted free agent in 2014, realizes it was possibly his last game in a Bears uniform and gathers the local media around his locker.

“I just wanted to tell you guys how much I enjoyed working with you over the past five seasons,” he says with a smile. “You made my job fun and we had a lot of laughs together. Here’s my cell phone number, let’s go bowling or maybe head over to Giordano’s for a big group pizza party. I don’t consider you all ‘press,’ I consider you all ‘pals.'”

They most likely never will, but after that Broncos-Ravens opener, anything’s possible.

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