My last post dealt with the unlikely subject of history at Disney theme parks. I didn’t know this before I started looking into it online, but Disney’s America was apparently Michael Eisner’s pet project, and it died pretty hard. When the Prince William County site fell through, there was some discussion about building the park near D.C., or at the site of Knott’s Berry Farm, a defunct amusement park in California.

Given the popular interest in history, there’s always the chance that the Mouse may take another stab at heritage tourism. The Florida property is twice the size of Manhattan, so there’s plenty of room for another park. With that in mind, and with my tongue planted firmly in my cheek, I suggest the following attraction ideas:

JEB Stuart’s Merry-Go-Round. Little Billy and Susie can enjoy a carefree ride around the Army of the Potomac while Mom and Dad take in some shopping.

Great Depression Land. The centerpiece would be the Crash of ’29 thrill ride, in which guests are strapped into chairs at the base of a metal tower, propelled up to the top, and then plummeted back down to the bottom. Next door would be the Soup Kitchen Cafe, completely authentic–except for the exorbitant theme park prices.

The Rootin’ Tootin’ Transcontinental Railroad.

The Hunley Undersea Adventure. Think 20,000 Leagues without the legroom, and then add a bang at the end.

The House of Burger-sses. Give me a side of fries or give me death.

The Haunted Executive Mansion. A tour of the White House turns into a nightmare when the specter of Honest Abe returns to seek his revenge.

I talked this theme park idea over with a friend of mine, and he came up with a few other ideas:

2 responses to “A few suggestions for the Walt Disney Co.”

On some level, I’m reminded of two sterling high school students so long ago who countered the O.J. Simpson fallout by suggesting “I Want to Tell You” by Jesus Christ. Tagline: “Hear Jesus’s actual voice in jail.”

Yes, something of the old magic remains. That post could’ve been a lot longer. After publishing it I was struck with the idea for a Hall of First-Term Vice Presidents, or perhaps a Hall of Unsuccessful Presidential Candidates. Imagine a robotic Aaron Burr sharing the stage with a robotic Ralph Nader.

The last three suggestions in that post are Dustin McCoy originals, by the way. He had a few others which I omitted for the sake of good taste.