Welcome to my pad, sexy. Thanks so much for paying for the cab; I must have spent all of my money on Appletinis without realizing it. You understand, you hot, fab thing. Oh, this? It's my bed, I assume you just love it. As you can see, it's got a 32-inch LCD TV built into its sexy red frame, perfect for watching TV while we make the hottest love you've ever made in your life. And that's not all, gorgeous!

It's also surrounded by a plush, red frame that'll be perfect for holding you up against while I do my thing, if you know what I mean. And I think you do. There are also surround sound speakers in there so we can feel surrounded by the audio coming from my virtual fireplace DVD that'll really help us heat things up.

There's a place to chill a bottle of bubbly as well, if you want to run around the corner to the liquor store and pick up a bottle of Andre for us. I'll pay you back, sweetheart, you know I'm good for it. Did I mention that the mattress has a massage unit underneath for after we get all freaky? That's right, we can both get massages at the same time. I smell love coming on, baby. Love. [Product Page via Unplggd]