To Be or Not To Be (Kosher)

Existential angst and the Jewish dietary laws.

When I was a kid, I used to feel really sorry for people who kept kosher. You see, in my home, we could eat whatever we wanted whenever we wanted. There was one exception however: a little holiday called Passover.

Although we ate only kosher for Passover foods during the holiday, we thought nothing of eating them in a non-kosher manner. I remember one year when I was making matza pizza, I realized that salami would be a great stand in for pepperoni. So I took out the matza, spread on some kosher for Passover tomato sauce, covered it with kosher for Passover mozzarella cheese, and threw on several slices of kosher for Passover salami. When my mother walked into the kitchen and saw this concoction baking in her toaster oven, she started to scream at me, "Allison, what are you doing? You have to put foil down or else the cheese will drip everywhere!" It didn't occur to either of us that there was something rather odd about being so careful to avoid eating leaven while having no concern whatsoever about mixing milk and meat.

It didn't occur as odd to us: being so careful to avoid eating leaven while having no concern whatsoever about mixing milk and meat.

Even though our version of Passover kosher wasn't that stringent, it was a nearly impossible feat for me to endure. Every commercial on TV with pasta or cereal tortured me. Every friend and classmate in the cafeteria eating bread in my presence drove me mad. On pizza day, forget about it.

But throughout the dietary hardships, there was always one thing that comforted me. I knew I would get to go back to "normal" in only a more few days. And this was the exact reason why I pitied those people who always kept kosher. They never got to be "normal". They never got to go back to eating whatever they wanted whenever they wanted – no shrimp, no bacon, not even a cheeseburger. It seemed like a pretty miserable existence in my opinion.

And then the weirdest thing happened. I had been having this pesky existential crisis throughout my childhood and teenage years where questions like "Why am I alive?" and "What's my purpose in this world?" kept popping into my head despite the fact that they were neither invited nor welcomed there. After many years of sleepless nights and morbid thoughts, it occurred to me to look into what Judaism had to say about these issues, and much to my surprise, I was completely blown away with what I saw. The wisdom, the lifestyle -- all of it just made so much sense.

I slowly started to learn more and add observances into my life: Shabbos, holidays, and yes…KOSHER. I decided to take it on in stages. After all, I was used to eating so much good stuff I figured in all fairness to myself I should at least give it up little by little. I stopped eating shellfish first. Next came bacon and all other pork products. Then, milk and meat. I was quite proud of my progress, so I kept on going. Next was non-kosher red meat and I was doing fine, hardly feeling the pinch. And then, when I least expected it, my kosher momentum came to a screeching halt. For there before me stood: the poultry issue.

My kosher momentum came to a screeching halt. For there before me stood: the poultry issue.

According to the arbitrary system that I had come up with, it appeared that giving up non-kosher poultry was next on the list. Everything else I had stopped eating up to that point had been fairly easy to do - the shellfish, pork, milk and meat all felt blatantly treif so it seemed appropriate to part with those delicacies. And as far as non-kosher red meat was concerned, I was hardly even eating it at the time of my kosher metamorphosis due to taste more than anything. But when it came time to say good-bye to non-kosher chicken and turkey, here were foods that were a staple of my diet yet didn't scream treif, and the combination of these reasons convinced me how important these birds were to my existence.

There were no kosher meat restaurants in my area at the time, and I just kept trying to imagine myself living a life where I couldn't just go out and pick up a turkey sandwich whenever I felt like it. How would I ever be happy again, I wondered, if I could never meet my friends at a restaurant and order chicken fingers if the mood struck me?

All that progress, and I was seemingly stuck with no way out. My life would be nothing short of horrible if I couldn't have my choice of poultry whenever I darn well pleased. And then it hit me one day -- the choices I had before me: turkey sandwich OR the meaning of life? Chicken nuggets OR a purposeful existence?

I felt the squeeze with the poultry, but I decided to persist nonetheless with becoming kosher, because I realized that I had a goal in mind more profound than a chicken could ever hope to be. And after not too much longer, I had become fully kosher - in my home and out of my home - during the week of Passover and throughout the rest of the year.

The first Passover I celebrated after becoming strictly kosher was a remarkable experience. No chametz (leaven) for eight days didn't bother me one little bit. I didn't feel a thing. My level of self-control - after having committed myself to dietary standards throughout the rest of the year - was now on a whole new level.

Do I miss the foods I used to eat? Sure. Am I convinced that a Wendy's bacon cheeseburger, with cheese fries, and a Frosty (just how I used to like it) will be waiting for me when I die and move on to the World to Come? Most definitely. (Although since food doesn't exist in the hereafter the way it does in this world, I will gladly accept the meal in whatever currency is appropriate in heavenly terms.)

Have I ever "cheated" or even considered the possibility of cheating? Not even once. Because no matter how much I enjoyed those foods (and I think my level of enjoyment has been made abundantly clear by now), what's my body good for if I can't control it? What's my life worth if it's not leading up to something greater than my next meal? That's why I chose – to be kosher.

Allison Josephs is the creator of www.JewintheCity.com, which features her online videos and blogs that challenge the public perception of Orthodox Jews and traditional Judaism. She is also is a regular blogger on ModestlyYours.net. Allison has been involved in the field of Jewish Outreach for ten years, teaching and lecturing, and has worked for Partners in Torah, Sinai Retreats, NCSY and Stars of David. She received her Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy from Columbia University and lives in New York City with her husband and two daughters.

Featured at Aish.com:

About the Author

Allison Josephs is the creator of JewintheCity.com, which features her
online videos and blogs that challenge the public perception of
Orthodox Jews and traditional Judaism. She is also is a regular blogger on ModestlyYours.net. Allison has been involved in the field of Jewish Outreach for ten years, teaching and lecturing, and has worked for Partners
in Torah, Sinai Retreats, NCSY and Stars of David. She received her Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy from Columbia University.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 22

(22)
Nancy,
July 18, 2016 9:08 PM

100% or not at all

Someone commented that we must be 100% perfect in our level of kashrut or we should not bother making the attempt. N-O!!! That is NOT what the Almighty wants! He appreciates our best efforts. To the person who was mentally ill and homeless, you are most certainly not a hypocrite. I realize this blog was written many years ago and I hope you are doing well now. People, please. Let us stop being so judgmental and start applauding efforts made to increase our level of religious observance.

(21)
Robyn,
December 29, 2008 2:13 PM

There's a simpler option: go vegetarian or vegan

Just not having meats in my home (making my kitchen dairy by default) made kashrus so much easier.
One set of dishes for the year. One oven/set of knives/pans etc.
I practice tikkun olam daily by refusing to have sentient death in my kitchen.
Vegetarian is not for everyone, but will you consider giving it a shot?

(20)
Sara,
July 24, 2008 6:23 AM

Too true

I embarked on the same "step" program as you (although I had not previously eaten pork, shellfish and meat and milk) and just like you, I got stuck on the poultry issue. No more KFC?! The prospect was terrifying! I'm glad for the changes, though. I was taught that treif food builds a wall around your heart, making it harder for Torah to enter. By living kosher, I have been blessed with so much Torah.

(19)
Saftanna,
July 8, 2008 11:26 PM

Kosher @ 60.

We began keeping our home Glatt Kosher when I was 60 years old. Number 2 Son is a Baal Tshuva and our first grandchild would never have been able to taste my cooking. I wanted her to suffer like everybody else. Seriously, Kosher people had invited us to eat in their homes, and until we were Kosher, we would not have been able to reciprocate. If my husband were not completely agreeable, I would not have been able to do it. Actually, I love keeping Kosher and I enjoy my Kosher kitchen, it makes me very happy. Our little old 24-foot RV is not yet kosher, but if HaShem Blesses us and we are ever able to get a newer one, you can be sure it will be Kosher from the get-go. We already promised Number 2 Son that it will be. Many Jewish people, some related, cannot understand why we enjoy our Kosher home so much. It just feels right. Little by little my husband and I have become more observant and it is wonderful. Now, when we see a cheeseburger or some other such mishmosh on TV, I get a short swift wave of nausea. HaShem has His ways, better, much better, late than never.

(18)
Hannah,
July 6, 2008 1:43 AM

How dare you

Great article.
I went from a home similar to yours to an orthodox marriage and a well kept kosher kitchen and then on to an messy divorce and a rebellious non-kosher period. Now I have returned to keeping kosher. I am so much happier with myself. I have rediscovered pride in what I do at home and, of course, outside.

Recently I was invited to dinner at a 'friend's' house and, along with a vegetarian companion, was served soup that tasted a bit strange. I later enquired what was in the broccoli soup and was told that it contained broccoli, cheese and chicken stock. How dare you, I thought. How dare you mix milk and meat without my knowledge and how dare you give a vegetarian meat stock. Keeping kosher may be limiting in food choices but it proves to also be a test of more than the meal itself. It may well be a good basis for testing respect in relationships.

(17)
Colin,
July 4, 2008 5:30 PM

Set-apart people ,Set-apart diet

Hello ,I never ate kosher until 3 years ago. When I started studying Torah I realized that it wasn't for health reasons we are suppose to eat kosher, but because we are a SET-APART people for G-d. the health benifits are icing on the cake. I did the same thing slowly and systematic, first i cut out the unclean animals ,then istudied about proper slaughter,and then packaged food. As I accepted truth G-d gave me more understanding, it has been awsome . THANS FOR THE GREAT ARTICLE. COLIN

(16)
Anonymous,
July 4, 2008 10:20 AM

Disappointed..

It's very disappointing when we try to follow dietary laws only to find out that the supervision in the preparation of kosher foods and ethical treatment of animals is truly lacking.

(15)
Daniela,
July 3, 2008 9:33 AM

Cool !

This could be my story to the last letter ! :) Thanks for writing it.

(14)
Erich,
July 2, 2008 7:06 PM

Why..

..did you have to bring up Wendy's. When I was young I think I may have lived on Frostys. You put it excellently, though. It's a choice between serving G-d and serving your stomach, from choosing to have those physical tasties or opening up yourself to the wealth of spiritual life that G-d can certainly pile onto the 'plate' of your heart.

(13)
Martin,
July 2, 2008 9:46 AM

Start keeping kosher people!!!

Thats very interesting. I never thought much about the importance of keeping kosher but now the reasons are clearer. Suppose I want to do G-ds will and Im finding it hard to tell what he wants me to do - now if I keep kosher then at least I know Im pushing myself in the right direction because Im following his commandments at my expense. By doing so I can have faith that G-d will take notice and will steer all my other impulses in the right direction too .. or at least give me help in discerning the right thing to do! This is cool because in the end I suppose it is not the rituals that are important but our attitudes to doing G-ds work :) Very inspiring article :)

(12)
Beverly Kurtin, Ph.D.,
July 1, 2008 5:39 PM

Google it

Anonymous in Phoenix AZ. You remind me of the time that I moved to a new city. I needed to find a dealer for a piece of technology. Nobody in the town knew where it !was. A quick trip to the yellow pages showed me four dealers!

WHAT AN ENJOYABLE ARTICLE. WE KEPT A KOSHER HOME BUT WHEN WE WENT TO A RESTAURANT WE WOULD EAT CERTAIN NON KOSHER FOODS. A FRIEND STATED THAT EITHER YOU KEPT KOSHER 100% or DONT KEEP KOSHER AT ALL. WE THEN REALIZED HOW WRONG WE WERE AND KEEP KOSHER AT ALL TIMES

(10)
Kelly Woo,
July 1, 2008 3:32 PM

Great article.....

"What's my body good for if I can't control it?" That's the million dollar question!!! I wish I had so much self-control.

(9)
Grace Fishenfeld,
July 1, 2008 9:33 AM

To Life!

d marks on 6/30 tells us about his special dilema. Hashem, I think and feel wants you to be healthy and to live a good life. Your charm transcends your dilema.

(8)
Anonymous,
July 1, 2008 9:25 AM

try being a restaurant reviewer

I keep kosher now, after decades of eating what I pleased when I could get it. But I continue to review restaurants for the the local paper. I do that by switching the focus from critiquing the quality of the food on the plate to writing about the business of restauranting. My readers seem to be perfectly fine with this transition, and my sources think I'm just being ethical by not accepting the freebie meals that they'd like to ply me with.
You might think it would be hard to still be around all the foods I've loved for so long and not be able to eat them. But I've made my choice -- and I think that's one thing that makes it easier: It's my choice. Commanded of me by G-d, of course, but still my choice.
And that's what we're talking about here, I think: Choosing to step closer to a relationship with G-d by doing things that He would have us do.

(7)
Anonymous,
July 1, 2008 9:03 AM

The social consequences of keeping kosher are more challenging to cope with than the self-control issue about limiting your food choices. Giving up those lunches out with colleagues and the dinners out with friends.... that is the really difficult part (when you don't live in a large city with plenty of kosher places).

(6)
bea garoon,
June 30, 2008 9:44 PM

K in Phoenix: Segal's is strictly kosher

This is kn answer to #1 visitor comment"eyer opener"

(5)
Susan,
June 30, 2008 9:01 PM

To Be Kosher Has Benefits as Well.

Great Article. Thank you very much.
When choosing to be or not to be Kosher, always choose to be. Start with the easy things like pork. Then divide the meat and dairy. Then say
the blessings for food every day.

I do eat supermarket beef and chicken and turkey on occassion and in restaurants. I am not Jewish, but I'm studying Hebrew and being observant in my home and life. And I am sure my grandfather was a Jew. So these steps are necessary.

Anyway, for 2 years I've been 100% observant with not eating pork, or pork products, shellfish, and separating milk and meat. In addition to moving towards total observance, there are other benefits to keeping Kosher. I am healthier and have gotten my energy back. Besides I know it's always the right thing to do.

(4)
d marks,
June 30, 2008 5:15 PM

I have this strange dilemma...

I didn't have much problem keeping kosher when I well and could be a vegetarian. Then I became mentally ill and homeless for a while. While I got a place to live, I don't have the option of always keeping kosher but I'm so grateful not to have to go in the garbage cans that I always say the blessings before and after each meal. But I sort of feel like I'm a bad Jew for being hypocritical, saying a blessing over a traffe meal. Do you think it is stupid/insulting to do this (to Hashem)?

(3)
daniel antopolsky,
June 30, 2008 4:08 PM

Kosher restaurants in abundance

don't know how much longer Jews will be in France, but hats off to 'em. Paris has right around 200 kosher restaurants! Does any city anywhere else have that many? And many of them have great quality

(2)
Anonymous,
June 30, 2008 12:13 PM

Eye Opener

Excellent article! Wish I could find a kosher restaurant in Phoenix, Arizona.

(1)
Mim Reichman,
June 29, 2008 1:49 PM

great read

Wow keep this writer on staff-I really enjoyed her article.let me know when the next one comes out.
And most importantly-THANKS.

I've been striving to get more into spirituality. But it seems that every time I make some progress, I find myself slipping right back to where I started. I'm getting discouraged and feel like a failure. Can you help?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Spiritual slumps are a natural part of spiritual growth. There is a cycle that people go through when at times they feel closer to God and at times more distant. In the words of the Kabbalists, it is "two steps forward and one step back." So although you feel you are slipping, know that this is a natural process. The main thing is to look at your overall progress (over months or years) and be able to see how far you've come!

This is actually God's ingenious way of motivating us further. The sages compare this to teaching a baby how to walk. When the parent is holding on, the baby shrieks with delight and is under the illusion that he knows how to walk. Yet suddenly, when the parent lets go, the child panics, wobbles and may even fall.

At such times when we feel spiritually "down," that is often because God is letting go, giving us the great gift of independence. In some ways, these are the times when we can actually grow the most. For if we can move ourselves just a little bit forward, we truly acquire a level of sanctity that is ours forever.

Here is a practical tool to help pull you out of the doldrums. The Sefer HaChinuch speaks about a great principle in spiritual growth: "The external awakens the internal." This means that although we may not experience immediate feelings of closeness to God, eventually, by continuing to conduct ourselves in such a manner, this physical behavior will have an impact on our spiritual selves and will help us succeed. (A similar idea is discussed by psychologists who say: "Smile and you will feel happy.")

That is the power of Torah commandments. Even if we may not feel like giving charity or praying at this particular moment, by having a "mitzvah" obligation to do so, we are in a framework to become inspired. At that point we can infuse that act of charity or prayer with all the meaning and lift it can provide. But if we'd wait until being inspired, we might be waiting a very long time.

May the Almighty bless you with the clarity to see your progress, and may you do so with joy.

In 1940, a boatload 1,600 Jewish immigrants fleeing Hitler's ovens was denied entry into the port of Haifa; the British deported them to the island of Mauritius. At the time, the British had acceded to Arab demands and restricted Jewish immigration into Palestine. The urgent plight of European Jewry generated an "illegal" immigration movement, but the British were vigilant in denying entry. Some ships, such as the Struma, sunk and their hundreds of passengers killed.

If you seize too much, you are left with nothing. If you take less, you may retain it (Rosh Hashanah 4b).

Sometimes our appetites are insatiable; more accurately, we act as though they were insatiable. The Midrash states that a person may never be satisfied. "If he has one hundred, he wants two hundred. If he gets two hundred, he wants four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:34). How often have we seen people whose insatiable desire for material wealth resulted in their losing everything, much like the gambler whose constant urge to win results in total loss.

People's bodies are finite, and their actual needs are limited. The endless pursuit for more wealth than they can use is nothing more than an elusive belief that they can live forever (Psalms 49:10).

The one part of us which is indeed infinite is our neshamah (soul), which, being of Divine origin, can crave and achieve infinity and eternity, and such craving is characteristic of spiritual growth.

How strange that we tend to give the body much more than it can possibly handle, and the neshamah so much less than it needs!