Your SUV is apparently responsible for all those beheadings in the Middle East. That’s right: ISIS is nothing more than a product of global warming, according to some non-scientist from John Jay College in New York. I know I was surprised to learn that 1.4 degrees of warming (over the last century) was enough to push the cradle of civilization into mass chaos. (Because, as we all know, it was always such a peaceful corner of the world up until recently.)

According to Charles Strozier, Professor of History and the founding Director of the John Jay College Center on Terrorism, your failure to buy a Chevy Volt, or opt for recyclable grocery bags, has been fueling the scourge of the Middle East known as ISIS. The Huffington Post published the Prof’s dire warning:

As the Obama administration undertakes a highly public, multilateral campaign to degrade and destroy the militant jihadists known as ISIS, ISIL and the Islamic State, many in the West remain unaware that climate played a significant role in the rise of Syria's extremists.

Right… Increasing average temperatures (actually, temps stopped increasing in the late 90s), supposedly melting icecaps (actually, there is more Antarctic sea ice currently than any time since 1979), and too few hybrids on the road have driven an otherwise peaceful group of devout Muslims into some sort of homicidal rage. I mean, this connection is so painfully obvious I’m surprised that the rest of us are too dumb to connect all the dots. (Any progress on that sarcasm font?)

I sure hope you weren’t expecting Chuck’s argument to be laid out in an airtight parade of facts, figures, and scientifically evidenced anecdotes… Because it wasn’t. Although, it did hinge on an actual weather event:

A historic drought afflicted [Syria] from 2006 through 2010, setting off a dire humanitarian crisis for millions of Syrians. Yet the four-year drought evoked little response from Bashar al-Assad's government.

Wait, a four year drought gave us radical Islam? The Al Gore devotee then explained that Assad’s inadequate response to the region’s drought planted the seeds of discontent, which gave birth to the radical Islamic group known as ISIS. And while the average person would probably consider inadequate governance to be the consequence of – well – bad government, Strozier wants to place blame on the four-year drought… Which he blames on global warming… Which he blames on us capitalist pigs. (We should probably throw in a little bit of blame for George W Bush as well, just for good measure.)

As a side note: If a four year drought caused the havoc that is being wrought in the Middle East, we should probably start worrying about that 13 year drought in California. (Then again, if California goes crazy, would anyone notice?)

Chuck wrapped up his Huffpo article up by calling on Americans to fight Jihad with a recyclable grocery bag:

When we fail to get the facts right about greenhouse gas emissions, we may unwittingly enable ISIS, Al Qaeda, Boko Haram, Al Shabaab and other extremist groups to flourish. As we consider our personal positions on climate change, it is important to understand all that is at stake in our interconnected world.

It’s kinda cute that he mentions something about getting the facts right, given that the “facts” of global warming have largely been exposed as ideologically driven theoretical computer predictions.

Scientific fragility of climate alarmism aside, it seems slightly absurd to believe that a bunch of global warming predictions (which have not come to pass) are somehow impacting one little corner of the world to a far greater degree than the rest of the planet. Is the professor suggesting that Muslims lack the capacity to cope with environmental diversity? Or is he implying that the natural Islamic reaction to a multi-year drought (in the middle of a desert) is to start beheading Christians?

So our non-scientist from New York has determined that the dubious theory of Manbearpig is fueling the violence in the Middle East… Which makes perfect sense, right? The origin of modern terrorism couldn’t possibly be the radical despotic nature of Islamic governments; or the rampant anti-Western mentality of Islamic fundamentalists; or the geo-political miscalculations of the multiple countries throughout the last hundred years… Nope. It’s your carbon footprint.

Of course, if Chuck’s theory is correct, I guess that would make big-name environmentalists pretty culpable in the rise of ISIS… After all, I know I don’t cruise anywhere on a private jet.