Santa Claus can top Easter Bunny

“In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant. Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant.” —James Stewart as Elwood P. Dowd in the movie “Harvey”

Santa Claus versus the Easter Bunny, 10 rounds in a ring, who would you root for?

To me the Easter Bunny has always been a little on the creepy side and Santa’s swag was always far better anyway. Jelly beans in a plastic egg. Who’s going to bounce out of their bed early for that?

I guess the Easter Bunny had its start in Pagan traditions with the rabbit seen as the symbol for the goddess of spring or something. But I think we have Gene Autry and the song “Here Comes Peter Cottontail” to blame for embedding the idea of a bunny dropping by on Easter morning to leave eggs and chocolate bunnies for good little kids. He also popularized the legend of a certain red-nosed reindeer with another song.

I learned the “Peter Cottontail” song at school in Mrs. Brazell’s music class in grade school. I was puzzled about just exactly where this bunny trail was located and how close to my house it came.

The lyrics said that Peter was bringing jelly beans for Tommy and colored eggs for sister Sue. An orchid for your mommy and an Easter bonnet too. Dad was suspiciously left out. Not a box of shotgun shells, a rabbit’s foot or anything for Pop. Santa would never have been responsible for such an obvious slight.

Kids gravitate toward Santa in store or on a street corner. Show a little kid a six-foot guy in a rabbit costume, though, and watch him freak out on you. That bunny costume doesn’t look anything like the cute fuzzy little bunny he saw at the petting zoo.

Jimmy Stewart and his scriptwriter made a wise choice when they made his costar in the movie “Harvey” invisible. Harvey was a rabbit that only Stewart could see throughout the movie. Everyone else thought he was crazy for assigning human traits to an imaginary rabbit friend. Actually they just thought he was crazy or a drunk. And, yes, Harvey was a little strange himself.

Its always been more than just a little confusing to kids that the rest of the year eggs come from chickens, but in March and April the Cadbury Bunny is seen on television laying eggs.

So who would win if the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus duked it out?

Without a doubt the Easter Bunny would win, because he fights dirty. I saw the proof on the Internet in a YouTube video. That sleazy bunny rabbit was using num-chuks and Kung Fu moves on St. Nick as he chased the red-suited man through town. Along the way the bunny stopped to assault innocent people on the street.

In my book six-foot rabbits are the things that nightmares are made of whether I’ve been drinking or not. We should have stopped the Easter songs after that Easter Parade thing.