Some extended family dropped a rather large request on my family yesterday that blindsided us a bit. As much as we would like to help them, we need some guidance making a decision that makes sure that our own immediate family's needs are maintained and we don't end up getting used or overextending ourselves. I know that a simple "no" is always an option, but we would like to help if we can.

What is the best ritual/invocation you can recommend for guidance and protection. I'm not sure if our usual freeform way of doing magick would be quite enough to get us through this situation.

Thank you so much for your help, it is so appreciated!!!

Tanith

13-02-2012, 11:22 PM

as I'm not really one to do some special ritual for something such as this (as I usually decide my course solidly and then do spellworks to help achieve the end) I personally cannot give advice or help by way of a ritual. And without knowing what type of request has been made then that also makes it difficult.

If your family has a patron diety then I would suggest making an offering to them for the wisdom you need. Or of course you could ask the help of a particular god or goddess of wisdom (or who corresponds to whatever you are seeking help with).

This would be the simplest way, if you or one of your immediate family members is receptive to such signs. Ask your totem for help or guidance.

If you would like to make a ritual of it, then set your altar as per your customs to formally invoke said gods/goddesses. Then have patience.

These, of course, are my suggestions, but they may work well for you :)

misscelt

13-02-2012, 11:49 PM

Thanks! Sorry to be so vague, I'm just always paranoid that somehow they would come across this and think I hate them. I guess that shouldn't matter.

Basically they want to move in with us for up to a year so they could save up to buy a house, but they seemed to not really want to pitch in for much. We also have a dog who is very much like an only child and they would be bringing in two more and I'm not sure at her age how she would handle that. I love my family very much, but the more I think of it, the more this looks like a potentially disasterous situation. Not to mention that we are still completely in the broom closet so to speak and we aren't really ready to be open about that outside the few people we completely trust. That really isn't their business anyway, it is a private matter. It would be really difficult to keep that private if they are here ALL THE TIME... and then all of our family would know because I cannot realistically expect them to keep something like that a secret. Most of our family is Catholic, it would create a firestorm. Not to mention all of our ritual supplies, our books (which have grown into a small library) and loss of control over who is invited here and the types of energies they bring with them. In order for me to not be completely overwhelmed, I need to do a complete cleansing of our home after most visitors because I am so sensitive to it. It affects the others in our home as well, especially the dog.

I don't know if I'm just being super-whiny and emotional about it at the moment because of the way this was just thrust upon us without much warning.... but thank you for letting me vent. At the moment we have a great relationship with them, but I have a feeling this little situation will make things difficult either way. Either we will be a bit resentful and uncomfortable in our own home for awhile and that will eventually show through or they will be angry that we wouldn't let them live with us. Win win! Yay!

Normally we just give offerings to Hecate outside with honey and almonds... or light candles and ask that our guides and guardians be with us and guide us. I just wasn't sure if there was something with more of a harumph that could let them know we are saying "please give us guidance and make whatever outcome occur as smoothly as possible, pretty pretty please with a cherry on top."

I love my family, I really do. There are just some days when I wish for a giant rock I could crawl under so they couldn't find me. It just seems lately that whenever people contact me it is because they want something from me, not that they miss me or want to just spend time with us. That truly does make me appreciate the few who love and accept us unconditionally.

Tanith

14-02-2012, 12:22 AM

Well, in all honesty I am probably the wrong person to give this kind of advice. Despite this, you'd be surprised at how similar my situation once was..

My mom and I lost our house, we had five cats and two dogs. In the end.. we had to make a choice and were forced to give up four of our cats. My grandmother allowed me my cat simply because of how old she was.

As for the dogs- we built a very large kennel in the back yard for them so that we could bring them with us. In the end, living with my grandmother was incredibly stressful, and I hated it. My mother and I were still in the broom closet as well in an extremely Christian family, and I had to go to church with my grandmother nearly ever Sunday. But we are closer to her for it (despite still being in the broom closet)

But, in the end, I am glad I had at least one family member (the rest of my family would not have done this much for my mom and I) who was willing to do so.

NOW, the difference is- my mom was out of work, and I was lucky to bring home $200/week. We were financially incapable of helping out with much. We are sort of back on our feet and just moved into a beautiful house that we rent and are fixing to re-sign on our lease. My question to you is this:

Are your family members currently financially capable of supporting themselves or is this a sudden act of desperation?

You do not have to answer this except to yourself. If these people are financially capable of supporting themselves currently (even if it means taking a cut back on trying to buy a house) then in all honesty, they do not NEED your help, but simply WANT your help.

If, however, they are desperate and incapable of standing on their own for the time being, that is another matter and you should very carefully consider all aspects of your decision. As it is your house, if you decide to let them live with you, you need to lay ground rules. Tell them the situation with your dog- if they own dogs and love them, they will understand your point, and offer to help them build a kennel of sorts in the yard if you have the room (ours was 8ft by 16ft and 8ft tall for two 60-70lbs dogs. Small but comfortable enough). Also ask that they help with a certain slice of the bills that is within their budget, if possible.

The reason why I say I am not a good person for advice, is that except for my grandmother, I would more than likely turn away anyone else in my family simply because I do not get on with them. My mom was a black sheep in her generation, and I am a black sheep in mine. It's always been just me and her with help from no one else, so I am a little cynical :)

"When you have and hold a need, harken not to others' greed."

Don't worry about the venting- everyone needs to once in a while. I hope my advice helps you in some way :)

misscelt

14-02-2012, 12:48 AM

They don't need our help... it would just make things easier for them. One just graduated with a masters and the other is currently the breadwinner, but they will soon have two salaries. Not to mention that they both have parents who would take them in if they really NEEDED it. I understand where we live is in a more advantageous location for her to find work, but I think it would be easier on everybody if she just crashed here once in awhile than everybody moving in. I understand being broke and that is a different story completely.

Everybody just seems to think that we have MONEY tattooed on our foreheads (maybe sucker or doormat is more applicable) but we are barely scraping by in this economy just like everybody else. I think the best solution would be for us to estimate how much it would cost US for them to live here and charge them rent to cover that. That would at least be fair and they would probably turn it down anyway because I'm pretty sure they are just looking for a freebie. We were hoping to put this house on the market in the next few months as well, so that adds yet another dilemma into the mix.

John32241

14-02-2012, 01:23 AM

I sense that it would also put a strain on the present family unit.

My $.02 about things like this.

John

misscelt

14-02-2012, 01:46 AM

Our relationships here would be fine... they will always be good, we have been though worse and it only made us closer. For most families it would be a disaster. It would cause strain within our extended family though because they chose to move in with us and not with their closer relatives. We have always tried to be supportive when infighting was going on so they would see that as taking sides against others instead of just helping out.

We have decided to NOT allow them to move in with us, now just to find a tactful way of telling them without causing WW3 within our larger family. Not sure if we should just give them an insanely high rent price or just be completely upfront about it. I like to be honest, but it doesn't get you that far in our family. Tip toe is more of the game we play here. Whatever happens with this it probably won't be pretty. I have a feeling that holidays will be somewhat lonely... but we can deal with that. We can always create new traditions with people who love and accept us.

We are thinking of doing a prosperity/good luck spell for her to get a job really close to their current home. Then one to protect us, make this easy... and give us strength to stand up for ourselves lol! What do you think? Is that interfering with her free will to do a prosperity/good luck spell on her behalf?

misscelt

14-02-2012, 07:22 AM

Thanks everyone for your help... and for letting me vent. Very helpful. We decided what we are going to do and we will sleep on it just to make sure. :)

Lightspirit

14-02-2012, 09:00 AM

Thanks! Sorry to be so vague, I'm just always paranoid that somehow they would come across this and think I hate them. I guess that shouldn't matter.

Basically they want to move in with us for up to a year so they could save up to buy a house, but they seemed to not really want to pitch in for much. We also have a dog who is very much like an only child and they would be bringing in two more and I'm not sure at her age how she would handle that. I love my family very much, but the more I think of it, the more this looks like a potentially disasterous situation. Not to mention that we are still completely in the broom closet so to speak and we aren't really ready to be open about that outside the few people we completely trust. That really isn't their business anyway, it is a private matter. It would be really difficult to keep that private if they are here ALL THE TIME... and then all of our family would know because I cannot realistically expect them to keep something like that a secret. Most of our family is Catholic, it would create a firestorm. Not to mention all of our ritual supplies, our books (which have grown into a small library) and loss of control over who is invited here and the types of energies they bring with them. In order for me to not be completely overwhelmed, I need to do a complete cleansing of our home after most visitors because I am so sensitive to it. It affects the others in our home as well, especially the dog.

I don't know if I'm just being super-whiny and emotional about it at the moment because of the way this was just thrust upon us without much warning.... but thank you for letting me vent. At the moment we have a great relationship with them, but I have a feeling this little situation will make things difficult either way. Either we will be a bit resentful and uncomfortable in our own home for awhile and that will eventually show through or they will be angry that we wouldn't let them live with us. Win win! Yay!

Normally we just give offerings to Hecate outside with honey and almonds... or light candles and ask that our guides and guardians be with us and guide us. I just wasn't sure if there was something with more of a harumph that could let them know we are saying "please give us guidance and make whatever outcome occur as smoothly as possible, pretty pretty please with a cherry on top."

I love my family, I really do. There are just some days when I wish for a giant rock I could crawl under so they couldn't find me. It just seems lately that whenever people contact me it is because they want something from me, not that they miss me or want to just spend time with us. That truly does make me appreciate the few who love and accept us unconditionally. Hi there i know I dont know anything about wicca but maybe I can give you some advice of a experience nature.

If you borrow money from a friend make sure you count the cost and decide what you want the most, the money or the friend. Usually it ends up in disaster. (metaphor for this)

I have heard so many stories of people living together and it splits families sometimes unless they are really close.

Personally I don't think anything is more valuable than good family relationships leastways no money is.

There is a better option- seeing a reliable financial advisor to get their finances in order and credit cards and themselves debt free if they havn't already.

The best spell prayer your ever going to do for them is help then get debt free and able to manage money so they can save. If they live with you its icing on the cake! A long as it works out that is.

Sometimes the greater act of love is not doing something.

Hope that helps you anyway.. I have been through all this with my family as I am the eldest child and my dad is gone.

Years ago when my brother was 20 and single I offered to let him live with us under the condition he paid money weekly. I was going to bank it for him as a forced saving so he could buy a house. It was really free accommodation like you are talking about.

He didnt, He also regrets it now 10 years on. Me and my brother get on great so it would have worked out.

I have lived in a situation with reduced financial rent but never with a family in a house other than my parents or inlaws for a short few weeks.

we had a border when we first got married and it cramps your style so much. Gone is running from the shower to the bedroom in a towel.

John32241

14-02-2012, 09:49 AM

We are thinking of doing a prosperity/good luck spell for her to get a job really close to their current home. Then one to protect us, make this easy... and give us strength to stand up for ourselves lol! What do you think? Is that interfering with her free will to do a prosperity/good luck spell on her behalf?

I am more inclined towards self empowerment than protection. That old saying that "the only thing we need to fear is fear itself" is not truly understood energetically by most of us. As a culture, we are all conditioned to be fearful. The reason, to take our power away from us.

Free will is never a concern when our highest intent is the truest well being of another. My understanding is that the subconscious and the inner wisdom of another is always well aware of our intentions. When they are pure, only good things will be encouraged.

Spells on behalf of another's well being would support your intentions with energy. I do different thing myself however any heart centered effort is recognized and appreciated by those creative forces in play at any time.

John

misscelt

14-02-2012, 03:32 PM

LightworkerAu: I just wish people would stop asking us for things that are so obviously not in our best interest to give them. I'm not sure what kind of firestorm will ensue now, but we just sent them a message that basically said, "as much as we would love to, we can't." It was slightly more elaborate than that, but not much better. Now we just wait and see. I truly valued their friendship and we have always been very close, but I guess this will show just how real of a bond we have. I'm suspecting by the way that they asked us I shouldn't expect a whole lot. We don't have a very large family, but I would rather surround myself with people who I can trust, who care about me just as much as I care about them than people who just want to use me. It hurts just as much as it is infuriating.

John: You raise a good point about empowerment. I know that is true from the depth of my being, it is just so easy to forget. Sometimes I wonder when things happen like this if it is a test. We were taught to always put others in front of ourselves... to the point where it is harmful to us. "Always take the high road... blah blah blah" The only problem is that the high road can kill you if it leaves you open to being hit with arrows. I have made bad decisions in the past because I valued the well being of another as more important than my own and it was not sustainable. The mistake was then repeated in a few different ways (although the same root question it manifested differently) and this is the first instance of it where we actually valued our own needs first. Hopefully now the universe can stop asking us this question.

Went from confused to a bit angry... but I feel better about things now than I did yesterday. We took them into consideration by adding "in accordance with divine will and with harm to none" to the end of the spell we did last night. We also cleared the house of their energy. It did seem to make the decision making process go more smoothly... and hopefully the storm will be more of a light mist than a hurricane. :)

John32241

14-02-2012, 04:28 PM

John: You raise a good point about empowerment. I know that is true from the depth of my being, it is just so easy to forget. Sometimes I wonder when things happen like this if it is a test. We were taught to always put others in front of ourselves... to the point where it is harmful to us. "Always take the high road... blah blah blah" The only problem is that the high road can kill you if it leaves you open to being hit with arrows. I have made bad decisions in the past because I valued the well being of another as more important than my own and it was not sustainable. The mistake was then repeated in a few different ways (although the same root question it manifested differently) and this is the first instance of it where we actually valued our own needs first. Hopefully now the universe can stop asking us this question.

I was once advised by my inner wisdom that there was noting that I could ever do to help a particular person. I then knew that this friendship had to be terminated.

In my years of experience I have come to understand that there are energy takers. They need to be endearing in various ways in order to influence the kind hearted. The more you can measure interpersonal energy exchanges, the easier it is to be wise and empowered when dealing with others.

I find it best to avoid fear yet be wise and distance myself from some. Life is about true self love which includes the greater community. Anything we do to compromise the self is not in the best interest of all concerned.

The universe will always be diverse and present us with all things. I think we need to appreciate that and maintain our personal power with wise and benevolent choices.

I hope my thoughts on this are useful.

John

misscelt

14-02-2012, 07:22 PM

Thank you John, that is very helpful.

Also makes me wonder if they aren't just physical energy takers, but chi-stealers as well. It could be just stress, but it isn't often I need to take a 2 hr nap in the middle of the day... that happens once every 3-4 years usually when I'm sick. I absolutely hate napping, it makes me feel awful! :icon_eek:

Last night as I was falling asleep, I was feeling a bit "selfish" for taking my own needs/my family's needs into consideration over what they asked for. A little thought popped into my head that said "Hey! Don't feel bad for them, they were selfish for asking that of you in the first place." It did help to put things into perspective. Gotta love that inner voice - no more guilt! :)

Lightspirit

15-02-2012, 12:55 AM

LightworkerAu: I just wish people would stop asking us for things that are so obviously not in our best interest to give them. I'm not sure what kind of firestorm will ensue now, but we just sent them a message that basically said, "as much as we would love to, we can't." It was slightly more elaborate than that, but not much better. Now we just wait and see. I truly valued their friendship and we have always been very close, but I guess this will show just how real of a bond we have. I'm suspecting by the way that they asked us I shouldn't expect a whole lot. We don't have a very large family, but I would rather surround myself with people who I can trust, who care about me just as much as I care about them than people who just want to use me. It hurts just as much as it is infuriating.
will be more of a light mist than a hurricane. :)I know how you feel

At various times i have helped people to discover they were just using me and werent really friends like I thought. It is a great test of friendship your declining. Real friends will understand, if they reject you then maybe they are something else. I hope it works out for good you.

misscelt

15-02-2012, 01:01 AM

Thanks!

So far they are acting like nothing ever happened. It will be interesting to see though if they pull away and shun us now... turn others against us... or if it all is just water under the bridge. I am hoping for the water under the bridge scenario :)

Tanith

15-02-2012, 02:05 AM

I wish you the best of luck Miss!

Sending vibes :)

misscelt

15-02-2012, 06:06 AM

Thank you so much Tanith! :)

LadyTerra

15-02-2012, 07:48 PM

My inclination would be to follow my instincts. I would seek guidance by doing a Tarot Reading and (perhaps) a Rune Cast.

In the final analysis--three things seem very clear (from what you have posted here);

1) You feel very reluctant.

2) They are capable of standing on their own two feet.

3) They are willing to inconvenience you for personal gain and are unwilling to contribute--which is a clear indication of character.

I do not think a Ritual would be effective (in this instance). I believe you need to look at the facts--seek SpiritualGuidance--then remember that your first loyalty must be to your immediate family.

Peace and Love on the path of your choice...

Blessed be...

misscelt

15-02-2012, 08:19 PM

Your analysis sums it up PERFECTLY! I wish my brain was able to simplify things to that extent. For some reason mine just gets overwhelmed by the details and shuts down.

We gave them the bad news yesterday... so far we haven't heard much, but the real test will be how things go at the next holiday. In all honesty they really have no right to be angry at us. If they are... too bad!

My plan is to just stay away from everybody for awhile so I can be alone and process all of this. I think they disillusioned me slightly. I knew that our relationship was a bit of a 1 way street, but I was just hoping it was because they were busy. This recent request made things abundantly clear. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Since I have such a small family, I was always worried about ending up alone if I didn't please everybody. People in my family have been disowned for less. Sometimes it is better to be alone... or to celebrate the holidays with friends that actually care about you. I think I am grieving a bit, but it will be freeing in the end.

Thanks for your help! It means a lot to me that people I have never met could be so caring! :hug2:

LadyTerra

16-02-2012, 07:48 PM

I think you made a very sensible choice.:hug:

Lightspirit

16-02-2012, 09:59 PM

misscelt I thought about it later and there is a way you can come out smelling like roses in times like this!

When the Jehovah's visit I invite them in for a prayer time with the holy spirit etc and they promptly leave and I don't look bad. I am being nice and sincere buy for some reason they cant, or they are too good.

I noticed you are Wicca and they are Catholic.

lol you could have..

Welcomed them with open arms telling them what a great idea it is and just to celebrate you are going to have a ceremony or an animal sacrifice (or favorite freaky thing) in their honour and the whole family is invited to it because you are so thrilled they asked!