Time to take my chilled beverage out of the freezer, Rubicon Mango juice. Fucking delicious. I remember the first time I had the pleasure of opening one, being astounded at the thought that had went into the sealing of it, I'm all to familiar with the shitty flip and foil method, you know the sort. Lift the latch, and underneath sits a piece of foil, laughing at you as you try and get you'r fat fingers at the lip to pull it, and the success of you'r pour lies on how lazy the manufacturer was, were they shitty and allowed it to run around the plastic?

Maybe you are a moron and prefer the cut method? Flip up one edge and cut it with scissors, I ask you, how do you reseal it? Oh yea, you can't. Enjoy you'r nice warm drink.

No, no. This beast here is far more complex, and superior, or so I thought.

A twist off lid, hiding a foil covering, underneath which is a thin plastic film. The levels of protection make my nipples erect, you may be thinking it sounds tedious to get through a lid, foil and plastic film, but no. The manufacturer was smart enough to incorporate the hoop design pictured, just twist the lid and the hoop pulls the foil and plastic off for you, how considerate of them.

Weeks passed, I continued to drown myself in mango lust. After forming such a strong relationship with my drink, I wasn't prepared for the horror that laid ahead.

Exploit 1: I unscrew the lid, prepare myself for the mango waterfall... but it never comes. In desperation, I pour harder, but it was no use, the hoop had betrayed me. It had managed to remove the foil, but the invisible film had remained, making the drink unpourable.

Fucking motherfucker cunt face.

Exploit 2: Twist off lid, hoop snaps. I'm left clambering at the stupid foil, even after that had been removed, the problem was left unsolved, the film remained in place. Fucking disgrace.

I truly have lost faith in humanity discovering any good way to make a drinks carton.

Stop worrying about how you look, and start worrying about how you play. Get out on the field and play paintball the best you can, not stand at home in front of a mirror trying to figure out if your jersey matches your eyes.