101321: If her husband prevents her from visiting her parents, will she be rewarded for her intention?

Is it more important for the son to be good to/respect and look after the parents than daughters or are sons and daughters equal in their responsibility? If a daughter is married and her husband does not allow her to see them unless it suits him, she is unable to serve her mother even though she wants to, does she get rewarded for her desire even though she is unable to do so, even though her husband knows the rquirement and behaves well with his own mother?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Honouring one’s parents is a duty on all children, male and
female, and there is no difference between them in this regard, because of
the general meaning of the evidence which enjoins honouring one’s parents
and treating them well, such as the verses in which Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him.
And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them
attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout
at them but address them in terms of honour.

24. And lower unto them the wing of submission and
humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they
did bring me up when I was young’”

[al-Isra’ 17:23, 24]

“Worship Allaah and join none with Him (in worship); and
do good to parents…”

[al-Nisa’ 4:36]

Al-Bukhaari (527) and Muslim narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn
Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: I asked the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) Which deed is best? He said:
“Prayer offered on time.” I said: Then what? He said: “Honouring one’s
parents.” I said: Then what? He said: “Jihad for the sake of Allaah.”

Al-Bukhaari (5971) and Muslim (2548) narrated that Abu
Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: A man came to the Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: Which
of the people is most deserving of my good companionship? He said: “Your
mother.” He said: Then who? He said: “Then your mother.” He said: Then who?
He said: “Then your mother.” He said: Then who? He said: “Then your
father.”

This evidence and other texts are general in meaning and
enjoin children, whether male or female, to honour their parents, but some
kinds of honouring the parents may be easier for males than females, such as
visiting the parents regularly, because a woman’s husband may prevent her
from visiting her parents or visiting them very often, as mentioned in your
question.

Secondly:

If the husband prevents his wife from visiting her parents,
does she have to obey him? There is a difference of opinion among the
fuqaha’ concerning that. The Hanafis and Maalikis are of the view that he
does not have the right to prevent her from visiting her parents.

The Shaafa’is and Hanbalis are of the view that he does have
the right to prevent her, and she is obliged to obey him, so she should not
go out to visit them except with his permission. But he does not have the
right to prevent her from speaking to them or to prevent them from visiting
her, unless he fears that some harm may result from their visit, in which
case he may prevent them so as to ward off harm. This has been discussed in
the answer to question no. 87834.

Thirdly:

If the wife wants to visit her parents and serve her mother,
but she cannot do that because of her husband, then she will be rewarded for
this desire and good intention. The saheeh Sunnah indicates that the one who
wants to do a good deed and is eager to do it will be rewarded like one who
did it, if he is unable to do it.

Al-Bukhaari (4423) narrated from Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah
be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) came back from the campaign to Tabook and when he
drew close to Madeenah he said: “In Madeenah there are people who, whenever
you travelled any distance or crossed any valley, were with you.” They said:
O Messenger of Allaah, even though they are in Madeenah. He said: “Even
though they are in Madeenah, because they were kept there by excuses.”

Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in
his commentary on al-Bukhaari: This indicates that a man may attain by means
of his intention that which the one who does the deed may attain, if he is
prevented from acting by some excuse. End quote.

Al-Tirmidhi (2325) and Ibn Majaah (4228) narrated from Abu
Kabshah al-Anmaari that he heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “Four people are making the most of
this world:

a man to whom Allaah gives wealth and knowledge, so he fears
his Lord with regard to the way in which he disposes of his wealth, and he
uses it to uphold ties of kinship and he realizes that Allaah has rights
over it. This man occupies the highest status. And a man to whom Allaah has
given knowledge but did not give him wealth, so he is sincere in his
intention when he says, ‘If I had wealth I would have done the same as So
and so is doing.’ So he will rewarded according to his intention and the
reward of both of them is the same…”

Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

The husband should treat his wife kindly and help her to
honour her parents. This is good treatment which Allaah has enjoined, as He
says (interpretation of the meaning): “and live with them honourably”
[al-Nisa’ 4:19].

May Allaah help us all to do that which He loves and which
pleases Him.