Still and sparkling

Things I judge harshly (and sometimes unfairly)

Some of these I am sorry for and trying not to be hateful about, but in the spirit of honesty, here you go. Most of them I don’t feel bad about at all!

People sharing inspirational quotes on LinkedIn

People who comment on the inspirational quotes with “so true!”

A person saying “I’m fine, really” and refusing any medical help, even when it seems like it’d be good to put some ice on that, buddy

Straight men in ultra-skinny jeans

The word “strategize”

Any women-centric product or business that incorporates “Her” or “For Her” into its name somewhere (this often means that it’s not actually something that women want or need, but a ploy to get women to buy a smaller, pinker, crappier version of the original thing while paying more money)

Cigarettes; I know I sound like your mom but seriously, quit

Anyone who thinks conference calls are a good way to do business

People who use Keurig coffee makers

Choosing Dasani water when other options are available

Not recycling

OUTRIGHT REFUSING TO WEAR SUNSCREEN, WHAT IS THIS ABOUT

Rhyming poems

When people say you can never have enough books, because yeah, you really can, they’re a bitch to move and it’s okay to have most of them on your Kindle so they don’t take up too much space, and also books aren’t some sacred entity and a lot of them are laughably terrible, so if you want to get rid of a lot of books that’s cool and fine

If your toothbrush is super old and all the bristles are spiraling out, yeah, I judge that

Visiting Disneyworld or Disneyland with children who are too young to understand what’s happening

Fad diets

Calling yourself a sapiosexual

Basically any tired joke; if you make a cliched, predictable joke I will judge you