8 Awesome Answers to 8 Stupid Interview Questions

Oh, the interview. Thirty minutes of your life that will cause you to drink like you just took a Property I exam. Did I focus too much on my personal life? Did I relate my favorite baseball team with my volunteering at the local little league? Will the interviewer actually call my previous boss where I stated I was a valuable clerk when really I was just the coffee bitch? Interviews can humiliate and dehumanize you. No worries however, Bitter Lawyer is here to help with honest answers for some of the most common interview questions.

1. Why did you go to law school?

God if I know. I was surprised by the lack of job prospects for my Political Science/Literature degree. Also, I thought you would be able to sleep with your clients and now I find out that is frowned upon. In summation, I guess the main reason would be that I absolutely hate myself.

2. Why are you interested in this firm?

My parents say I have a month to find a job before I get kicked out. I tried to explain to them that I am pretty close to finishing my novel and it’s going to be huge. Imagine Harry Potter if only Harry was a cat. I have had some writer’s block but once I get the title down I think it will flow pretty good. Plus my mom is back on Weight Watchers and refuses to buy me Oreos so I need some extra spending cash.

3. What type of law would you like to specialize in?

What is the area that lets me play golf twice a week and drive a new BMW? Yeah, that is the area that I want to go in. Is that the department I’m interviewing for now?

4. Discuss a time when you showed leadership.

That is a really good question. I really consider myself a leader in the classroom. Once our Civil Procedure professor was 10 minutes late to class and I was the first person to suggest we should just leave. I mean really, the nerve of the guy. Here we are ready to learn about Erie Railroad v. International Shoe or some dumb case like that and the guy doesn’t even show up. So after a while, I closed my game of solitaire and grabbed my computer and left. Nobody else actually left and I later heard that he showed up a couple minutes later but my BFF signed me in so it doesn’t matter. Plus, I got a C+ in that class so obviously that Erie case wasn’t even necessary to learn. I’m sorry – what was the question again?

5. What is your greatest strength?

Oh, I have a ton of strengths. I might be the greatest Connect 4 player of all time. I can bench press 225 lbs. I am very good with movie trivia. But mainly I make the best Buffalo Chicken Dip. I will bring it to every lunch-in that we have. We will have lunch-ins, right?

6. What would you say is your greatest weakness?

Boobs and bourbon! If you want me to do anything . . . just give me boobs and/or bourbon. I will schedule my client meetings around happy hours. I will give my business card out to strippers more than potential clients. That is a promise you can take to the bank. [Editor’s Note: Women may substitute “pectoral muscles ” for “boobs”.]

7. We like creative associates at our firm. With that in mind, what animal would you be and why?

Are you serious? That is one of the questions that will decide if I can eat something other than Ramen Noodles and Beefaroni? Ridiculous. I guess I would be a tiger so I can maul you to death like Siegfried and Roy for asking such a dumb question. Idiot.

8. Do you have any questions for us?

Who says women don’t like bourbon? Bitter Lawyer, your articles are always so hilarious until they get to the sexist part.

Henri

Obviously, the post has been revised in light of your concern, but while there are, of course, women who drink bourbon (and men who drink stereotypically “women’s” drinks, the genders *as a whole* or *in general* have much different drink preferences.

To quote a 2006 *Wall Street Journal* article’s description of one survey by gender of favorite cocktails:

“Cheers, a magazine for the restaurant and bar industry, regularly does surveys to find out who is drinking what, and where. Recently it asked Middle American men and women their favorite mixed drinks. The top seven male drinks were Rum and Coke, Screwdriver, Gin and Tonic, Seven & 7, bourbon on the rocks, (Gin) Martini, and Scotch and Soda. And women’s favorites? Margarita, Piña Colada, Daiquiri, Vodka and Cranberry, Cosmopolitan (but of course), Mudslide and Sea Breeze.”

(I’m sure there are newer references confirming this, but I’m not going to make a research project out of something that we all already know. The parenthetical “but of course” is a reference to a mention that Cosmopolitans surged in popularity in the wake of “Sex and the City.”)

Noting that there are differences between the typical behaviors of women and of men and communicating in a way that acknowledges them are parts of being an observant, intelligent human being, and has nothing to do with sexism.

Heartof Texas

It isn’t sexist, it is merely pointing out another option for those not creative enough to substitute their own…

and I’m a girl, and I almost only drink bourbon… I don’t take offense.