Becoming a Dad Made Me a Responsible Driver

by Word of Mom Blogger on January 29, 2015

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Armin Brott is the bestselling author of The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for Dads-to-Be and seven other books on fatherhood, including The Military Father: A Hands-on Guide for Deployed Dads. He's also a nationally syndicated columnist and his radio show, "Positive Parenting," airs on over 500 stations. Armin has been a guest on more than 500 radio and TV shows and runs a popular website for dads,mrdad.com. His new iPhone/iPad app, "Mr. Dad on Pregnancy," came out at the end of January.

A few days ago I read an article about an expectant dad, let's call him Edgar, who was arrested for drunk driving. Edgar may very well have to miss the birth of his baby — unless his wife can arrange to go into labor while she's visiting him in jail.

My initial reaction was, "What an idiot. How could he do something so dumb?" And then I started thinking about when I was an expectant father the first time. Like a lot of young guys, I occasionally exceeded the speed limit and I saw yellow lights as a kind of challenge. Okay, it was more than "occasionally," but who's counting? (I'm admitting all this since the statute of limitations on traffic violations is long past).

Even after my wife announced that we were expecting, my driving habits remained the same. In fact, reveling in my new found sense of masculinity, I felt invincible and probably increased my average driving speed by a few MPH and went through even more yellow lights. (Hey, I'd just found out that I was a fully functional man and had put to rest my worries that I might have been sterile.) Looking back, it's a miracle that no one — and nothing — got hurt. (Edgar wasn't quite so lucky. Toward the end of his high-speed chase through London, he lost control of his car, took out several guard rails, and crashed his car into a store. His insurance company had to foot a pretty hefty big bill, but luckily, Edgar was the only person injured.)

Then I had one of those "I'll never forget where I was when it happened" moments. I was in the middle of an intersection, having just run a yellow light (okay, it was red), and it suddenly occurred to me that I couldn't keep driving like that. I had responsibilities, important places to be, people who were counting on me to be there.

I teach classes for expectant fathers and always tell the guys that they need to be prepared for the ways fatherhood will change them — and, if they think about it, they'll see that those changes have already begun. They're not the same guys they were five minutes before their partner said, "We're expecting!" They're looking at minivans and SUVs in a very different way than they did a few months before. They're thinking about cloth vs. disposable, the quality of their neighborhood schools, the national debt, even trash on the side of the road. I tell them about my last blown red light and the expensive ticket that went with it, and in almost every class, there's at least one dad-to-be who's had a similar experience. I've had dads who've given up parachuting and bungee jumping, sold their motorcycle, started exercising, lost weight, quit smoking or drinking, gotten that physical they'd been putting off for a decade, and even given up texting while driving.

Now, back to Edgar. He told the court that there was "no excuse for what he had done," and that he's "ashamed of his actions and the effect they have had on himself and his family." He should definitely be punished in some way, but having to miss the birth of his child is too high a price (plus it also punishes his wife, who really needs his support). As a dad, I say let him out of jail so he can catch his newborn and cut the cord — but make him pay a huge fine. The last ticket I got cost me a bundle, but thinking about it now, I clearly see it was a bargain. And I'm sure that Edgar, as he looks in to his baby's eyes for the first time, will come to see things the very same way.

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