Homeless may be used as street lighting

Homeless people may be used as street lighting under new government plans to be announced by George Osborne in Wednesday’s Budget.

The proposal follows the recent use of homeless people as roving wi-fi hotspots in Austin,Texas.

Special lightweight battery powered lamp posts that can be carried by the homeless have been developed by government scientists.

‘It makes sense because people living on the streets can move to where they’re needed,’ said a spokesman for one Conservative local authority.

But homeless charities have attacked the plans arguing that dogs might use the ‘homeless lamp posts’ to cock their leg against.

‘Pilot trials have shown that most homeless people have their own dog to repulse any unwanted canine attention,’ said a spokesman for the Department of Communities and Local Government, ‘and we shall provide free copies of the Big Issue and string as protection.’

And one technology expert predicts that it will soon be possible to dispose of portable lamp posts.

‘We shall soon have the capability to make homeless people incandescent,’ he said.