There are so many of us that see dysfunction so well in others and are appalled how they live and view life. But never thinking of looking at the man in THEIR mirror and realizing they are living the same reality.

“Did you just catch that?” I said the as I looked directly
in the eye of my girlfriend. While I knew that she had because of the
expression upon her face. We were both shocked.

“I wish a man would talk and treat me like that in public!
I’m just saying, this is nothing new.
That chick has been through this many times before.” She rolled her eyes and we picked up our bags
and headed to a table at the food court.
As we sat down and placed our shopping bags on the floor.

“I guess you are right.”
I had begun to have some thoughts.
Thinking…

“I know I am right.
Listen, there are so many reasons why a woman would stay in a
relationship like that. And the reasons
are not good ones. Maybe she grew up in
a household where she saw that. She suffers from low self-esteem. She is acting like there are no other men out
there in the world. Monica took a deep breath.
And then again she may have been involved in quite a few relationships like
this.” I looked away into the crowd of people that had formed lines at all of
the many eateries that had everything from hamburgers to seafood and pizza. I
no longer wanted to eat, it was as if I had lost my appetite.

“Maybe he didn’t do all of that in the beginning. Maybe there is something that is deeper than
what we witnessed. It could be her, and
it could be him. Maybe it just erupted
here. We never know. We are on the outside looking in.” I shrugged
my shoulders. And I was now looking at
the exact spot of where the couple had their outburst. Monica looked me dead in
my face with her eyes wide open.

“Are you taking up for him Brooklyn?! There is no reason anyone should act that way
in public! And no right that he is being abusive to her. I know things happen but one should always be
aware of their surroundings. That man
just cursed her out and called her a stupid bytch in public! Chewed her out and
embarrassed her in front of strangers.
And if he wasn’t in public I am sure he would have punched her in the damn face! Monica rolled her eyes as at me. I could feel her frustration with me. Her anger seemed to have turned towards
me. And that made me feel even worse.

“I am just playing devil’s advocate here. I am not taking sides Monica. Look, I felt the need to really explain and
break it down to her. It was my duty! I
know a couple that tripped the light fantastic in the beginning of their
relationship. No arguments that had gotten out of control at all. The things
that the man had done were small and he always apologized to her. Then later down the line came the pushes and
shoves because he kept telling her that he was under stress. Things would get back to normal. And their
relationship was perfect. All I am
saying is that sometimes we will let our emotions and feelings keep us with
someone and bare the humiliation. Some
of the women out there that are in my girl’s position don’t have a low
self-esteem. They just sort of fell into
that situation. Really don’t know how to
leave. And what about the women that
marry men that have a long rap sheet and they never find out about it until
years later? Some women marry murderers
and are unaware.” I shook my head at Monica.
I felt she was being narrowed minded.

“Brooklyn ….I hear you.
But at some point and time you gotta let that love shyt go and pick
yourself up and tell yourself that you do not deserve to be with anyone that at
any moment could go off on you and you have no idea of what you may say or do
that could set that person off. Who in the hell wants to walk on egg
shells? I know I don’t. You remember that part in the movie What’s
Love Got to Do with It? Where Tina had
told Ike take a break? As she went and
explained how his music sounded the same? When she tried to explain to him she
saw anger arise in his body language he hit her and went stone cold off! Girl please! And the fact that he had other
women that he flaunted in her face?! He was on drugs and she stayed with his azz
for years and he worked her like an azz in a field! And it took for her to be a
Buddhdist to leave? It shouldn’t take
years for someone to be beaten like that to realize they don’t like it!” I still feel that Monica was being closed
minded. I mean I understood wholly where
she was coming from and I felt what she was saying. I really did. But….

I eventually had to change the subject because I was getting
perturbed. We should be able to have a
conversation and agree to disagree I felt.
So I shifted the conversation to something else to lighten the mood.
This conversation was getting to personal.
Maybe there was something Monica hadn’t told me about in her past. And maybe there were some things that were
personal to me about the situation.

LATER ON THAT EVENING

I was in the kitchen finishing off
dinner. I heard the front door close
Nico was home from work. I knew my
husbands flow when he got home. He would
go straight to the bathroom, then to the bedroom and remove his suit. Take a
shower sometimes a robe, a towel around his waist. He would walk in the kitchen
and speak to me. Pulling me into his
arms and kissing me on the back of my neck.
Smelling always of some beautiful fragrant cologne which is what I loved
about him. He always smelled beautiful! He
would peep into my pots lifting lids to see what culinary treats I had prepared
because he loved my cooking. He may and
may not sample. He would then get dishes
out and set the table for us to eat.
Sometimes we drank wine with our dinner and sometimes we had water with
fresh squeezed lemon. We always made small talk asking about each other’s day
and share some of our thoughts with one another. We were dreamers and planners. One thing that Nico and I shared was our love
for travel. No matter how small or large
the trip or even simple. We loved having
some form of adventure. Which is what I
felt brought us closer and kept our relationship alive. Nico was planning a small weekend trip and
was handling all of the arrangements.
And while talking about the trip I was getting excited.

When I had finished dinner I had
done what I usually do, and that is start clearing the table. My phone was
ringing. As I went to go pick it up Nico
had picked up my phone and brought it to me.

“How many times do I have to tell
you that when we are having dinner shut your phone off? That is our one on one time together.” I nodded my head. When I saw the caller ID it wasn’t important. I could call back. And just as my phone had stopped ringing it
had rang again. Nico looked at me and
shook his head. I immediately shut my
phone off. We had made a vow that after
work we shut our phones down for an hour and just do us. And if we were enjoying each other we would
leave it off. All of a sudden Nico had
rushed up behind me and grabbed me and pushed me up against the kitchen wall.
My heart beating fast now I was scared!
Nico’s face was now contorted and he was livid! Nico punched me in the
stomach. And immediately I threw up my
dinner. That further pissed him off and
he punched me again in the back as I was now on the floor retching from the
punch he had delivered to my stomach. I
was gripping my stomach. I could not cry
because I was trying to catch my breath! As I felt the power from his fist in
my back. I fell into the vomit on the
floor.

“Clean that shyt up!” And he
walked away. The towel he had around his
waist was now on the floor. I laid in my
own vomit until I could move. Once I was
able to get up I immediately started to clean up the mess. When I was done I instantly went into
sparkling clean mode. Washing, mopping
and disinfecting. I took a hot shower,
and when I got out I looked at myself in the mirror, turned around and saw the
huge purple blue and black bruise on my back.
It was also a knot that was forming.
I could feel the soreness. When I
went to touch it I wrenched at the pain.
Tears formed in my eyes as I oiled my body up. Brushed my teeth and gargled. I grabbed my silk kimono robe he had
purchased me recently. As I walked out of the bathroom and the steam followed
me out Nico was standing in front of me.
And instantly he pulled me towards him and kissed me. His hands roamed all over my body and when he
touched the part of my back he had hit earlier with his fist. I jumped from the pain. He immediately led me to the bed and had me
sit down. He untied my robe and kissed
and licked every part of my body. I was
now sucked up into lust and passion. My
body had given into Nico’s advances. He
made love to me taking me to unspoken heights!

I had gotten up from bed as Nico
was now in a coma like sleep. I went and
took another shower. I felt different
and this time I had made up my mind. It
was time…

While Nico was sleep I had got up
from bed packed my things. My heart was
racing as I tipped toed throughout the house.
And all the while cursing myself at all the many clothes, shoes and
handbags I had acquired in our marriage.
My car was filled to the limit.
Some things I had packed and put in the backyard. A place that Nico very rarely went too. I stacked things on the side of the
house. I knew once I had left Nico may
change the locks. I felt like a burglar! And when he had awakened from his sleep I
told him I was cleaning out my closet.
He nodded his head and went back to bed.
This wasn’t abnormal for me. Because
Nico knew that when I was stressed I would clean.

After I had grabbed my laptop and
all of the important papers I needed. I
wrote Nico a letter, “You don’t love me!” I had put on his favorite lip color
he loved to see me in. Red…I signed my
name, kissed the letter. I took the
house keys off of my key ring and left them on top of the letter on the
nightstand on the side he slept on.

As I walked out of the house
there were no tears and no sadness.
There was a huge relief! I
smiled, and I got into my car. I put on
my favorite CD and I turned the music up real loud and honked the horn a few
times and I backed up out of the driveway.
Bobbing my head, today, this day, early in the wee hours of the morning
I had taken back my life. And love
doesn’t live here anymore! Not that kind
of love!