Life And Psychology

This blog is about ideas and issues that interest me. My writings are a blend of facts, concepts, my observations, personal experiences, as well as my thoughts and opinions. I usually write about Relationships, Mental Health, Personality, Life Styles, Culture, Feelings and Emotions, Education, and Mysteries.

Social
anxiety is the fear of being in social situations, being negatively scrutinized
by others, and being publicly embarrassed. This makes an individual suffering
from social anxiety to be highly self-conscious, hesitant, and avoidant of
social situations.

The
major cause of social anxiety has been found to be neurochemical imbalances.
The neurotransmitters norepinephrine, serotonin, and gamma ammunobutric acid
(GABA) are responsible for anxiety and arousal, and the dysregulation of these
neurotransmitters have been found to cause social anxiety. This makes social
anxiety all the more worrisome as it is something that occurs from birth.
Studies have shown that people born with such neurochemical imbalances have a
high risk of having social anxiety in adolescence and adulthood.

The
immediate negative consequence of social anxiety is having very limited social
interactions. The fear of being negatively scrutinized by others and being
publicly humiliated and embarrassed, along with being highly self-conscious,
makes the individual to avoid almost all kinds of social and interpersonal
interactions. This includes the most simple and basic social situations such as
going out for a walk, jogging, buying something from the nearby shop, going to
the bank, and even talking on the phone.

The
individual with social anxiety, due to all this, grows up isolated, having very
limited social interactions. The fruitful interactions that the person has are
limited to parents, siblings, and a few others with whom they might feel
comfortable. The other kinds of interactions that they may have are the
necessary ones such as in school, college, and workplace, which tend to be very
discomforting.

Having
healthy, fulfilling interpersonal interactions is a basic need for any
individual. A plethora of research in psychology indicates that positive
relationships are essential for social adjustment, happiness, and wellbeing.
What makes matters worse is that social anxiety may become a deterrent for the
individual to even have enjoyable alone time.

The
high level of self-consciousness and fear of being embarrassed becomes a big
obstacle for a person with social anxiety to have a good time even when the
individual does not necessary have to have fulfilling social interactions.
Everyone likes to have a good time by going out to have a good meal at a
restaurant, buy new clothes at a market or mall, or simply traveling to and
visiting places of interest.

Social
anxiety, however, makes the person avoid such activities, because even the
presence of people and having the most basic interactions with them can seem to
be daunting. Therefore, social anxiety does not just become an obstacle for
fulfilling interactions, but it also deters the individual in having the simple
pleasures in life and in many ways inhibiting personal growth.

With
having very limited social interactions and avoiding pleasure seeking
activities that add to their experience, the individual with social anxiety
grows to become socially awkward and someone who may always seem to be tensed
and worried, worsening the condition. The social awkwardness may at times even
drive others away, further reducing opportunities for social interactions and
increasing the fear of being embarrassed.

Not
having many people to socialize with, the person develops a shell around
him/her, making him/herself more and more isolated from the social world. This
naturally develops an unfulfilled need for intimacy and an unfulfilled desire
to have satisfying relationships - it develops the highly unpleasant feeling of
loneliness in the individual.

Loneliness
makes an individual feel unwanted and worthless. The desire to have fulfilling
interactions and relationships, but being unable to actually have such
experiences turns out to be very emotionally painful for the person. This
inability makes the person to further lose confidence and feel highly inferior
as compared to others.

The
individual starts feeling that others have friends, but he/she does not have
anyone to talk to. Sitting alone and viewing others laughing, smiling, and
having a good time with each other becomes heart-wrenching for a person who
experiences loneliness. The person begins to feel that he/she may never be able
to have friends and one day will die alone, and nobody will even know or care
about it. This consistent feeling makes the person morose, melancholic, and
hopeless.

The
hopelessness that begins in terms of not being able to have friends gradually
develops in almost all spheres of life. An extreme lack of confidence develops
in the person, to the extent that he/she loses any kind of desire. The
individual loses all desire to have a good education, a successful career, and
simple activities like eating food, having a shower, getting out of bed, or
even smiling. The person clearly begins to suffer from a severe depression.

Because
this depression stems from being unable to have social interactions due to
social anxiety, which leads to loneliness, others do not really understand what
or why the individual is going through such a state. The person might be having
all the comforts in life, but is still depressed, seems to be alarming and
unrealistic for others. Often, instead of depression, others view it as
laziness, carelessness, or just excuses for not doing anything.

The
individual getting the realization that nobody really understands him/her
worsens his/her condition. Being highly depressed and not getting any kind of
social support from others gets disheartening for the individual. This in a way
adds to the social anxiety of the individual as it makes him/her further keep a
distance from people. The whole cycle then continues, but in a more severe
form. A more severe form of social anxiety leads a more severe form of loneliness, which further
exacerbates the feeling of depression, stunting any kind of personal growth and
wellbeing. In the end, the person gets stuck in a vicious circle – the vicious circle
of social anxiety, loneliness, and depression.

Social Anxiety, Loneliness, Depression - The Vicious Circle

Social
anxiety, therefore, is something that needs to be taken very seriously. It is a
highly debilitating problem that an individual experiences, which leads to
further severe psychological difficulties. It is for this reason that children
with social anxiety need to be brought up in a nurturing environment that makes
them emotionally competent.

This
is where the role of parents, siblings, relatives, peers, and teachers come in
to play. They are the ones who can provide that nurturing environment involving
care, comfort, support, and acceptance. This will certainly help the individual
to deal effectively with the fear of embarrassment in public places as well as
the feeling of being unwanted, inferiority, hopelessness, distress, and a
complete lack of confidence that may all come along with it.

A
healthy relationship is said to be one that has high relationship quality.
Relationship quality is the overall subjective evaluation of individuals about
their relationship. A relationship that gives the experience of acceptance,
warmth, and a sense of security; involves a feeling of trust, understanding,
support, and resolution of conflicts is said to have a high relationship
quality.

Being
in a healthy romantic relationship has been found to be associated with a
number of benefits. It has a positive influence on self-concept development, it
enhances self-esteem and self-confidence, and leads to better mental and
physical health. In contrast, an unhealthy or toxic romantic relationship has
been associated with high levels of stress, anxiety, and depression, leading to
an overall negative affect on emotional and psychological wellbeing.

The
more healthy the relationship the more the individuals are motivated to be
involved in it and the more they are able to derive satisfaction from it. This
makes individuals put in more effort to sustain the relationship and make it
long-lasting. In unhealthy relationships, however, the more a person stays in
it the more problematic it becomes. Research suggests that it is better to be
alone than to be in a toxic relationship. Despite this, often, it has been
found that individuals continue to stay in an unhealthy relationship instead of
leaving that person and moving on.

One
of the reasons that people may stay in an unhealthy romantic relationship is
that they may not even be aware that is an unhealthy one. People often have positive bias or positive illusions about their relationship. There is a
tendency of individuals to evaluate their relationship in a more positive
manner than it actually may be. They evaluate their relationship to better as
compared to the relationship of others.

Every
individual has an idealized view of their relationship and partner. Individuals
have been found to evaluate their relationship and partner to be similar to
their idealized view.

Additionally,
people also have ideals about the interaction pattern, sexual activity,
attachment, feelings, commitment, etc. Individuals tend to evaluate these
aspects of their relationship similar to their ideals; they tend to exaggerate
the positive aspects of their relationship. Further, they also tend to be
overly optimistic about the future of the relationship in the sense that they
believe that there will be an improvement in many of the features of their
relationship or that their partner will change for the better in the days to
come.

These
positive illusions help individuals deal with the uncertainties, anxieties, and
stresses associated with their relationship. This makes them sustain the
relationship and gives them a feeling that everything is fine with their
relationship, making it last long. In the long-term, however, this does not
really work. In the end what they have are illusions, which means that they
have an inaccurate evaluation of their relationship.

Having
positive illusions may help them sustain their relationship for a longer period
of time, but in actuality it is making them overlook, undermine, or simply
ignore many of the negative aspects of a relationship such as incompatibility,
issues of conflict, lack of care, mistrust, jealousy, or even being at the
receiving end of disrespect and mental and physical abuse.

While
positive illusions may make the person continue in the relationship, the
negativities of the relationship continue to creep in and eat the person from
the inside. Before the person even realizes, the toxicities takes its toll on
him/her, all this while believing that nothing is wrong in their relationship.

Positive
illusions make people unaware that their relationship is unhealthy and thus,
they continue staying in the relationship. But, there are instances when
individuals realize that their relationship is unhealthy and they still
continue staying in that relationship. A number of times it has been found that
after a while an individual may not feel satisfied with his/her relationship,
they feel a lot of dissatisfaction and distress, and getting into that
relationship seems like a mistake.

In
such instances, the person may have the feeling to end the relationship.
Despite this, the individual does not end the relationship and continues
staying in it, no matter how disturbing and troublesome the relationship may
turn out to be. Often, it has been found that, even when the relationship is
abusive, the individual still continues to stay in the relationship.

This
phenomenon of being committed to a bad decision, even when it is associated
with continuous trouble and increasing loss, is known as escalation to
commitment. According to this phenomenon, individuals self-justify their
decisions because they feel that their initial decision was a rational one.
Further, they stick to their decision due to external forces.

Specifically
talking about relationships, when a person begins to realize that he/she is in
a dissatisfying or troublesome relationship, the person, initially, might feel
that he/she needs to look into the matter from multiple perspectives and that he/she
may be wrong in their judgment. The person might make an effort to change
his/her perspective, which prolongs the stay in that troublesome relationship.

Further,
there is the persistent pressure from family, peers, and society. Breaking
up from a relationship brings in a lot of possibilities of being judged and
stigmatized by others. If the person is married, then a legal separation or divorce,
not only becomes highly stressful, but the label in itself is seen as big
stigma in society.

Breaking
up from a relationship also means that the person has to go back to the state
of singlehood. The term singlehood, although, is used for people who are
unmarried (even if they have a romantic partner), it is often used to describe
people who do not have a romantic partner. Singlehood, especially in the later
phase of one’s life, in itself is seen as a stigma in the society. People have
a lot of prejudices associated with singlehood, which is referred to as singlism.

Singlism
leads people to discriminate against individuals who are single, both in social
gatherings and the workplace. Individuals who are single are treated in a specific
manner, they have a lot of stereotypes associated with them such as being
carefree, non-serious, irresponsible, reckless, having a shallow character, etc.
All of these aspects associated with singlehood, within the society, make the
individual reluctant to end their relationship. They feel it is better to be in
a toxic, troublesome relationship than being single.

Apart
from the prejudice called singlism, many people often have a fear of being alone.
They feel that even if they are in a troublesome relationship, at least they
have someone to interact with. Especially, if the relationship has been a
long-term one, in which they have put in a lot of time and effort, they may
have the fear that all of a sudden they will end up being alone. In such
instances a lack of alternatives also becomes important. The possibility of
being involved with someone else after breaking up, may help the person to not
have the fear of aloneness.

Being
in an unhealthy romantic relationship, as mentioned above, has a lot of
negative consequences on an individual’s mental health. No one wants to really
continue to stay in an unhealthy romantic relationship and experience the
distress that comes along with it. A number of factors like having positive
illusions, self-justifying ones decision, conforming to societal pressures, the
fear of being alone, and a lack of possible alternatives, often make people
stay in an unhealthy romantic relationship, even if the individual does not
want to.

Teaching
is not restricted or limited to the classroom. With the advancement in
technology and the increase in internet usage, over the past few years,
teaching has gone way beyond the classroom.In
recent times, blogs, Facebook pages, and Twitter handles have become popular
educational tools. For students, such social media platforms have become types
of asynchronous communities, where they can get relevant information and even
share it with others. Information from such platforms is very easy to access,
and with just a click it can be shared to multiple people. In this way, the
same information is accessed by multiple people almost at the same time.

Generally,
on such platforms, information is given in a much simpler form, which makes it
easier to understand, as compared to text books and journals. In this way, they
become very good additional educational resources. Further, due to the short
attention span that many of the students have nowadays, reading from books is
found to be taxing and too demanding for them. In such cases, reading from
blogs and Facebook pages, in which information is given briefly yet
comprehensively, brings about a lot more interest.

If
students find social media to be a quick and easy way to learn, teachers find
it to be a fun and exciting way to teach. Formal teaching requires teachers to
mostly stick to the given syllabus. They can surely improvise and deviate
sometimes to make it interesting, but eventually, keeping in view the limited
number of classes in a semester, they cannot go beyond the syllabus. This is
where teachers can make full use of social media.

There are always some exciting and fascinating information out there that a teacher
may want to share with students, but is unable to do so due to time
constraints. Using blogs and Facebook pages, authored and created by them,
teachers can exactly do that. By sharing information on their own blog and
Facebook page, they are able to give an idea of their real interests regarding
the subject. It helps to display a sense of individuality, and the matter that
they are sharing may also reflect on some hidden aspects of their self, giving
out a personal touch to the information that they are sharing.

Students
who have read my posts, quite a few times have had discussions with me about
those topics. In this way, it has also led to better teacher-student
interactions, and also increase their interest in psychology.

Apart
from being useful academically, a number of individuals, from different parts
of the world, have expressed to me how reading my posts have helped them to
understand them in a better way and how it has helped them to feel positive
about themselves. People have, especially, found the posts on emotional
hijacking, self-satisfaction,
introversion,
inferiority
complex, loneliness,
and social
motives to be very useful and helpful. The blog, therefore,
is not only an educational tool, but also a platform for understanding and
being aware about mental health, which has taken teaching to a different level.
Over the years, this blog has gained a lot of popularity and has readers from
over 150 countries.

Along
with my interest in psychological issues, I am also fascinated with the origins
of psychological concepts, which led me to start my blog called History of Psychology(www.historyofpsychology.net),
on May 3, 2015. This blog is all about how ideas, concepts, and perspectives,
in psychology, have emerged, how one perspective led to another, who were the
proponents of important ideas, and what led psychologists to come up with a
specific idea. The writing style on this blog is simplistic so that theories
and concepts are understandable. The topics on this blog can be very technical
and that is why a simplistic writing style is maintained in order to make it
readable to a wider audience.

Through
this blog, I try to cover various aspects of the history of psychology such as
structural and functional psychology, psychoanalytic psychology, clinical and
abnormal psychology, act psychology, and so on. I write about topics that are
generally not covered in the syllabus, which, thus, gives an opportunity for
students to learn about theoretical considerations in an easy, simplistic
manner.

From a teaching perspective, it helps me to simplify the technical,
theoretical aspects of the history of psychology, making relatively difficult
topics easier to understand. This turns out to be challenging and stimulating,
which works to enhance my enthusiasm and interest in psychology. The blog
creates a bridge between the traditional and the contemporary, which turns out
to be of great interest and encourages critical thinking, which is a highly
important aspect of education.

To
quite an extent, my Facebook page, InterestingFacts About Psychology (www.facebook.com/InterestingFactsAboutPsychology)
deals with a similar purpose. On this page, I post relevant, thought provoking
facts related to psychology, on a regular basis. I began this page on November
4, 2010. So far, I have posted more than 900 facts and the page has got more
than 20000 likes, from over 50 countries. The information that I share on the
page, are related to pre-modern, modern, and contemporary psychology. It is a
quick, fun, and enjoyable way of learning psychology for the readers.

Generally
such information can be gained by in-depth reading of books and journals.
However, through this page, I provide a platform for readers to get such
information with little effort. It is useful not only for people who have a
psychology background, but also for those who are interested in psychology but
are from other disciplines such as Management, Engineering, English, Philosophy,
Education, Biology, etc. As I share information on this page every three to five
days, it requires me to update my own knowledge in psychology regularly, which
is always useful for a teacher and for someone who is in academics. I have also
created a Twitter handle (www.twitter.com/FactsPsy)
of this page, which allows me to share information to a much wider audience.

In
this way, over the past ten years, I have been using social media platforms
like blogging, Facebook, and Twitter for teaching psychology. As a teacher, I
have found social media to be a very useful educational tool. I have found it to
be a fun, exciting, and motivating way of reaching out to students and other
individuals with whom I do not have an interaction with on a day-to-day basis.

Being
consistently writing on my blogs and Facebook page, has helped me as a teacher
academically – it has enabled me to increase my knowledge and articulate my
ideas in a better way – and in the process has added to my personal growth.
Through my fulfilling ten years of experience, I have decided to promote the
usage of social media as a useful method of teaching.

Self-expression is the expression of
one’s feelings, thoughts, or ideas. It is a reflection of a person’s
individuality and autonomy, and is about behaving in line with ones states and
traits. It enables one to distinguish oneself from others, reflect on ones
beliefs and needs, and leads to self-empowerment.

Self-expression has been found to have
a positive influence on individuals. It leads to self-empowerment and plays an
important role in self-concept development. Suppression or lack of self-expression
can lead to negative consequences on mental health. Therefore, self-expression
is a highly significant aspect of behavior and has major implications on development
and wellbeing.

There are specific types of people
such as introverts, shy individuals, and individuals experiencing loneliness,
who are known to have difficulties in self-expression. Introverts due to their physiological
structure (high brain arousal) get easily stimulated that causes discomfort in situations
that require a lot of social interactions. This makes them to keep to
themselves and have reluctance in being involved in social situations.

Shyness is determined by the inhibited
temperament often found to be associated with an overly sensitive amygdala
(brain area known to be the seat of emotions). The inhibited temperament is
characterized fear and distress in relation new situations, people or objects. Due
to this, individuals have high levels of physiological activity in response to unfamiliar
social situations that makes them to avoid such situations.

The feeling of loneliness, which is an
unpleasant experience due to an unfulfilled need for intimacy, often occurs
because of a lack of social skills that does not allow individuals to have
satisfying interpersonal interactions.

In these cases, self-expression,
especially in face-to-face social interactions, becomes difficult. They are
highly hesitant in face-to-face interactions making them have very little
interaction with people around them. The lack of or very limited social
interactions that these individuals have, further, develops to a heightened and
highly unfulfilled need for self-expression. The inability in self-express
creates a discomforting experience leading to stress, anxiety, and other mental
health issues.

For such individuals, the internet or
cyberspace turns out to be a comforting space. Cyberspace becomes a platform
for such individuals to express themselves. Specific features of the cyberspace
enable such individuals to be involved in self-expression, something that they
are unable to do so in face-to-face scenarios.

A major feature of the cyberspace is
the aspect of anonymity. Anonymity is referred to the inability to identify an
individual or the inability for others to identify oneself. In the time when
people are very active on social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, and
Instagram, and tend to share information about themselves, including their own
picture, complete anonymity is rarely possible on the internet. However,
individuals on the internet have a feeling of social anonymity. Social anonymity
refers to the perception of being anonymous, rather than actual or true
anonymity.

Social distance, lack of interpersonal
cues, and interacting with someone in a different space, instead of being
face-to-face, develops a sense of obscurity, which makes the individual perceive
him/herself to be relatively anonymous. Being on the internet, despite
revealing information about oneself, there is a sense of impersonality,
self-control, and liberty, which are characteristics of anonymity. Such anonymity
has been found to be associated with privacy, catharsis, and autonomy.

Privacy is the ability to control the
amount of contact with others. This may not necessarily mean to in terms of
physical presence, but the ability to exert boundary control upon others to
interact with oneself. This proves to be very helpful for introverts and shy
individuals. Such people often have the feeling of violation of privacy during
face-to-face interaction. Having a sense of control over privacy in cyberspace
gives a lot of comfort, which makes it easier to interact with others, leading
to better self-expression.

Catharsis, the unhindered expression
of ones thoughts and feelings to others, is a major aspect of self-expression. Social
anonymity makes catharsis easier as compared to face-to-face interaction. Especially
for lonely individuals, this feature becomes very helpful. Individuals often
hesitate to share their emotional pain of loneliness with others, thinking that
it will further drive people away. Anonymity enabling catharsis works perfectly
well for lonely individuals. It works well for introverts and shy individuals
also, as they do not have to experience discomfort of being with individuals
while sharing their thoughts and beliefs.

Autonomy involves being able to behave
as freely as possible without worrying about social consequences. Social anonymity
almost negates the idea of being judged by others. Introverts and shy and
lonely individuals often become very hesitant in front of others. They tend to
become highly self-conscious. Especially, shy individuals persistently have the
feeling of being negatively scrutinized by others. The feature of autonomy due
to social anonymity allows such individuals to be themselves without the fear
of being judged others, which further helps in self-expression.

Anonymity on the internet with respect
to privacy, catharsis, and autonomy, therefore, becomes very helpful when it
comes to introversion, shyness, and loneliness. It makes it easier for such
people to express themselves as compared to face-to-face interactions.

Along with social or perceived anonymity,
facets of self-awareness in the context of the internet play a significant role
in self-expression. Self-awareness refers to conscious self-knowledge. It is a focus,
attention on features of the self. The self-awareness
perspective suggests that in different circumstances an individual’s attention
is directed to different features of the self. When attention is directed to
external factors such as people or surroundings then it is referred to as
public self-awareness. When attention is directed to internal aspects such as
beliefs, thoughts, feelings, personal memories, etc., then it is referred to as
private self-awareness.

Both of these facets or features of
self-awareness become important in the cyberspace, especially with respect to
self-expression. Public self-awareness makes a person conscious of one’s
surroundings and makes the individual behave as per the norms or in ways that
are expected. In cyberspace, social anonymity, in terms of social distance and obscurity,
reduces this sense of public self-awareness.

This means that the individual does
not feel conscious of his/her surroundings and there is little evaluation
apprehension and pressure of self-presentation. Apart from this, there are lack
of accountability concerns. The person feels that whatever he/she does or says
is in the cyberspace and has little to do in their actual life where they have
face-to-face interactions.

The cyberspace with little pressure
for self-presentation and the lack of accountability concerns is coupled with a
sense of comfort where the individual is in his/her own private space, during
online interaction. This comfort and high sense of privacy leads to a heightened
sense of private self-awareness.

This means that the individual becomes
more aware and tends to have greater access to inner thoughts, feelings, and
emotions. The heightened sense of private self-awareness will enable the person
to be involved in more self-disclosure, that is, revealing of more private and
personal information.

Both reduced public sense of
self-awareness and heightened private sense of self-awareness work together
during online interaction, which is almost the opposite in face-to-face
interaction. A heightened public sense of self-awareness and a reduced private
sense of self-awareness in face-to-face interactions are often the reasons why
introverts, and shy and lonely individuals have difficulties in
self-expression. Together a reduced and heightened attention on the public and
private aspects of self, in the cyberspace, makes it easier for such individuals
to express themselves.

The aspect of deindividuation, a sense
of loss of individuality and personal identity, in cyberspace, also enables
individuals to be involved in more self-expression, as compared to face-to-face
interactions.

Social distance and a lack of
interpersonal cues during online interaction result in the deindividuation
process. Interpersonal cues are referred to aspects that distinguish one from
the other. These cues are very much visible in face-to-face interactions and
are not present in online interaction (or are limited in case of video chats).

The deindividuation process reduces
personal identity and heightens more of a social identity. During online
interactions, this social identity develops with respect to the more salient
features, which is being a part of the larger group of cyberspace. In such
cases norms develop in accordance to the larger group and individuals tend to
adhere to those norms.

The reduced personal identity and
heightened social identity with respect to the cyberspace enables the
individual to behave and say whatever he/she feels like, with very little
hesitation. This little hesitation works well for introverts, and shy and
lonely individuals for whom hesitation becomes a major deterrent for
self-expression, in face-to-face interaction. The lack of hesitation in
cyberspace, due to the process of deindividuation, makes them involved in
self-expression in a much better way.

It is due to the aforementioned
features of the cyberspace that it has been found that individuals, especially
who are hesitant in face-to-face interactions, indulge in more self-disclosure,
during online interactions. They feel lesser hesitancy and diminished social
awkwardness, in the cyberspace, giving them a greater sense of comfort,
enabling them to express themselves in a better manner.

In the past few years, people who have
difficulties in self-expression in face-to-face interactions, have been using
the cyberspace as a platform to express themselves. There are a number online forums
or groups in which people discuss their personal issues and difficulties. They share
their experiences in such forums, giving them ample opportunities for
self-expression.

In this regard, blogging has become a
very useful medium. Especially, a lot of introverts, and shy and lonely
individuals write blogs, in which they either share their personal experiences
or write on topics they find to be interesting, something they are unable to do
so during face-to-face interactions.

Social networking sites like Facebook,
Twitter, and Instagram have also become very helpful for self-expression. Simple
activities like tweeting ones opinions, writing a status, or sharing pictures
with creative captions are all aspects of self-expression. They in some way
represent the identity and personality of the individual. This works very well
for individuals like introverts and those experiencing shyness and loneliness,
who are unable to express themselves properly in face-to-face interactions.

Self-expression is a highly
significant aspect of behavior. It is associated with positive mental health
and self-concept development. Due to its specific features like social or
perceived anonymity, reduced public sense of self-awareness, heightened private
sense of self-awareness, and the aspect of deindividuation, the cyberspace has
become a very useful medium for self-expression. The cyberspace can, thus, be
used as a platform to help people like introverts, and shy and lonely
individuals, who have difficulties in self-expression in face-to-face
interactions.

Live-in
relationships (also known as cohabitation) involve two unmarried partners
living in an intimate sexual union, sharing the same household for a sustained
period of time. Over the years, live-in relationships have been on the rise, in
a way changing the normative family or household structure.

It
is in some way inevitable that live-in relationships are often compared to
marital relationships, as both involve two people living together and having a
sexual relationship. Live-in relationships, although, are always viewed as a
step of breaking away from the traditional concept of marriage.

The
comparison of live-in relationships with marriage, initially favored marital
relationships. Initial research suggested marriage to be better with respect to
relationship quality, commitment, and wellbeing. Further, earlier, live-in
relationships were often dismissed as non-serious and casual, when compared to
marriage.

Later
research, however, gave different results. It indicated that live-in
relationships tend to be better in terms of individual wellbeing, as it
involves equal distribution of household labor, egalitarianism, and less
rigidity in terms of exertion of norms. There is still little agreement when it
comes to which type of relationship is better, but in recent times there have
been more of mixed results.

One
of the major reasons for these mixed results is that a lot of research
indicates that live-in relationships cannot be considered as a single
theoretical framework and that all live-in relationships do not share similar
attributes. Live-in relationships are not a homogenous group; there are many
variations within live-in relationships. Viewing live-in relationships as a
single construct is too simplistic of a way in understanding them. Live-in
relationships are complex, vague, and fuzzy; they are anything but simplistic.

Psychologists
and sociologists through their extensive research have found typologies of
live-in relationships. These typologies give a good indication of the
complexity and fuzziness of live-in relationships, and clearly show that
live-in relationships cannot be viewed as a homogenous and single construct.

Initially,
it was suggested that live-in relationships can be divided into two broad
categories of prelude to marriage and alternative to marriage. Although a
simplistic view of live-in relationships, unlike earlier perspectives, it does
not view live-in relationships as a single conception.

Live-in
relationship as a prelude to marriage suggests that some people see living
together as a testing ground for their relationship, and see how it goes
forward. They eventually have a plan to marry, but would like to see how things
work out, before taking the final decision.

As
an alternative to marriage, live-in relationships are viewed as a choice that
is different from marriage. People in such a relationship, either do not want
to get married or do not even believe in the idea of marriage. They have the
belief that to be together they do not need to get married.

Later,
live-in relationships have not been restricted to just two types. Research has
indicated further types in terms how serious the individuals are in the
relationship. This may range from whether they are casually involved and are
living together, without thinking much about the future and the course of the
relationship or if they are seriously committed, but have not yet thought about
getting married.

Moving
along with the idea of not having a simplistic typology, Casper and Bianchi
describe four different types of live-in relationships - (1) alternative to marriage, (2) precursor
to marriage, (3) trial marriage, and (4) coresidential dating.

As an alternative to marriage, the
partners are not thinking about getting married and may have no intention of
getting married. They just want to live together. As a precursor to marriage,
the partners are living together with an expectation to get married some time
in the future.

In trial marriage, the partners want to
see if they are good enough to get married. They are not sure about their
compatibility, and not sure if they really do want to get married. By living
together, they are testing their relationship and trying to find out if they
are suitable to get married with each other. Coresidential dating is
like a serious dating relationship in which the couple lives together, without
any intention or expectation to get married. They find living together to be
convenient, instead of living apart.

This typology breaks the myth of live-in relationships
being non-serious, casual, and may not last long. According to this typology,
live-in relationships can vary in terms of expected long-term duration, with
alternative to marriage and precursor to marriage being expected to be more
long lasting than the other types.

Heuvaline
and Timberlake gave more variations in types of live-in relationships. They
suggested that live-in relationships vary on the basis of how much it is
institutionalized as family formation within the region/culture in which the
partners are living together. Through their research in different countries, they concluded that live-in relationships can be divided into six
types. Based on their research, they suggested that depending on the country or
culture in which the partners are living, live-in relationships can be seen as
(1) marginal, (2) prelude to marriage, (3) stage in the marriage process, (4)
alternative to singlehood, (5) alternative to marriage, and (6)
indistinguishable to marriage.

When
live-in relationships are viewed as completely inappropriate with respect to
the culture of a place and it is not institutionalized as a way family
formation then it is categorized as marginal. Due to this, very few
people are involved in live-in relationships, because they feel that they will
be looked down upon and will be heavily criticized. In such instances giving
birth to children becomes very rare.

In
prelude
to marriage, live-in relationships are seen as a testing ground for
marriage. People indulge in such a relationship if it is culturally supportive
and if there is access to affordable housing. If the relationship continues for
some time, especially after giving birth to children, and then norms are not
very supportive, then they are expected to get married or end the relationship.

In
cases where partners in a live-in relationship decide to have a child but are
not concerned about the timing and order of marriage and childbearing, live-in
relationships are seen as a stage in the process of marriage.
They eventually get married when they realize that there are institutional
incentives to have children within marriage, and that their culture may not
approve of having children out of wedlock.

Live-in
relationships are seen as an alternative to singlehood, when partners
want to postpone forming a family and at the same time do not want to live
separately. The partners feel that they are too young or that it is too early
to seriously consider being married, and prefer to live together, with no
immediate intention to get married. This also depends on having increased
access to affordable housing.

Partners
often consider a live-in relationship as an alternative to marriage. Depending
on greater cultural approval and institutional support for having children out
of wedlock, partners feel that it is better to remain unmarried and still form
a family just like a married couple. Perhaps they do not believe in the concept
of marriage and feel that they do not need to get married to live together.

In
indistinguishable
from marriage, partners are indifferent to marriage because there is a
high cultural approval for live-in relationships. There is a high level of
acceptability for living together, without marriage, and there is also
institutional support for having children out of wedlock. In such cases,
live-in relationships are not viewed as something antithetical or like an
alternative lifestyle. It is simply a way of living that is embedded in the
culture. Partners may get married later on, but even if they do not get
married, it is not culturally frowned upon, as they can live like married
couples, without wanting or thinking of getting married.

This
typology again indicates that live-in relationships have nothing to do with
being a casual, frivolous relationship. People who are serious in their
relationship and give value to their partner can also be involved in a live-in
relationship. The typology gives a lot of emphasis on institutionalization and
cultural norms in determining the number of people getting involved in a
live-in relationship. Depending on that, partners may remain in a live-in
relationship or end up getting married.

More
recently, Hiekel, Liefbroer, and Portman, on the basis of their research,
described five types of live-in relationships. These five types are grouped in
two broad categories – live-in relationship as a stage in the marriage process and live-in relationship as an alternative to marriage.

Live-in
relationships as a stage in the marriage
process includes four subtypes - prelude to marriage, trial marriage, and
living together for economic reasons. Prelude to marriage is a form of
engagement. The partners have a firm intention to get married; they see moving
in together as the last phase before marriage.

Trial
marriage is somewhat similar to prelude to
marriage. The difference between the two is that in trial marriage, the
partners are not yet sure about getting married. They view living together as a
test or an evaluation of their relationship.

Living
together for economic reasons, the third subtype within
this category suggests that the partners want to get married, but cannot afford
it. It is the economic concerns that make them take the decision to be in a
live-in relationship. They intend to marry once their economic conditions
become better.

Live-in
relationship as an alternative to
marriage includes two subtypes. First,
the partners decide to be in a live-in relationship because they feel that marriage
is an outdated concept/institution. They have an ideological refusal of
marriage. In this, the partners are in stable, long-term relationships, they
believe in personal autonomy, and are liberal towards gender roles and division
of labor.

Second,
the partners do not feel the need to get married; they do not view marriage as relavant.
Unlike, the first subtype, the partners do not have an ideological refusal
about marriage; they just do not view it as important. They feel that getting
married will not make any difference to their relationship.

This
typology also breaks the myth that live-in relationships cannot be long-lasting
and are just casual relationships. The typology gives further variations of the
initial broad categorization of live-in relationship (prelude to marriage or
alternative to marriage). According to this typology, as well, live-in
relationships can be serious and long lasting relationships. This is clearly
reflected, especially, in the subtypes of prelude to marriage, living together
for economic reasons, viewing marriage as outdated, and not viewing marriage as
relevant.

Apart from the aforementioned typologies, another subtype of live-in relationships known as part-time live-in relationships has emerged. In this, the partners are in a serious relationship but due to some reason like work or staying at different cities, they do not always live together and share the same household. They are live separate, individual lives, and live together only during weekends or holidays or vacations. After that, they get back to their individual life and then get back together whenever they get the opportunity.

Live-in
relationships are often construed as frivolous, non-committal relationships
that have little chance to be long lasting. This, however, has been found to be
a big misconception and a highly simplistic view about live-in relationships. Research
by psychologists and sociologists indicate there are many variations in live-in
relationships.

These
variations have led to the development of many typologies of live-in
relationships. The typologies not only suggest that live-in relationships
cannot be viewed as homogenous and a single construct, but depending on the
typology, they can be relationships that are long lasting, highly committed,
have high relationship quality, and associated with high levels of wellbeing.

Society
enforces a lot of expectations on an individual from a very early phase of
life. These expectations keep increasing and become more varied as the person
grows older and enters into different phases of life. Such expectations have
been carried on for years and in many ways have become an integral part of
society, and have developed into norms that must be followed.

Most
of these expectations are usually about general behaviors, appearance, ways of
interacting, socializing, career choices, and even the kind of success. Most of
the time, an individual is expected to be outgoing, smart, prim, intelligent,
confident, competitive, a good conversationalist, sociable, someone who is
popular and successful – all that makes a person likeable and appreciable.

These
are characteristics that almost everyone would like to have; after all being
likeable is something that anyone would want to be. For some people, however,
these characteristics do not come naturally. No matter how much they try, they
just cannot behave in that manner. They are different from what is expected of
them, right from the beginning, perhaps due to their temperament.

Such
people are often associated with words like socially awkward, shy, timid,
morose, melancholic, or loner. Right from an early stage of life, they are told
by others to behave in an appropriate manner, to be normal, or to be like
others. They are always asked questions like “why are you like this?” or “why
don’t you be like others?”. These are questions that they do not have any
answers to, and would like to be the first ones to know them.

The
inherent condescending, mocking, and sometimes rude tone of these frequent
questions make them realize that they are different and that perhaps there is
something wrong with them. They get the feeling of being looked down upon and
unwanted. As they grow older, this feeling of being unwanted keeps on
increasing. They begin to realize that they are not really liked by anyone, and
they get the feeling of being rejected by everyone.

The
feeling of being unwanted and not being accepted by others is a disturbing
experience. It develops low self-esteem and inferiority complex. It also
develops a sense of loneliness, neediness, clinginess, and an excessive need
for social approval. This excessive need for social approval tends to make such
individuals put in too much of effort and try extra hard to get accepted by
others, which makes them look more needy, and may make them behave in socially inadequate
and inappropriate ways, further leading them to be avoided.

The
experience of social rejection is certainly devastating for the individual. The
belief of not being liked by anyone gives a choking and suffocating kind of
feeling that only leads to the feeling of worthlessness. The person feels there
is nobody to take care of him/her and that he/she is all alone in the big bad
world.

No
matter how devastating the feeling might be, however, it is surely not the end
of the world. It does not mean that the person is doomed forever. Depending on
how the individual takes it all, he/she can either go further down in the
dumps, or he/she can rise above everything and turn the tide – of course,
easier said than done.

When
the individual gets the realization that he/she is not being accepted almost
everywhere, it tends to make that person aloof and relatively socially
isolated; the person experiences aloneness. Being alone, however, becomes
advantageous.

Being
alone, the individual gets more time to spend by himself/herself. The person
gets to put everything in perspective. He/she looks back at all the past
experiences and events in relation to other surrounding events. All of this is
done in terms of an evaluation and analysis, and not in terms of rumination. In
other words, being alone and distanced from others, the individual tends to get
involved in self-reflection. The individual begins to have an inner focus of
attention with respect to thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

All
this self-reflection gives the individual a certain level of
self-understanding. The person gets a realization of what he/she truly is all
about. It helps in developing self-awareness. The person develops an
understanding of who he/she is, what are his/her strengths and weaknesses, what
is his/her true potential, what does he/she want from life, and why does he/she
belong here. On the whole, the individual is able to get some realistic perspective
about himself/herself, and develops purpose in life.

Once
this happens, the individual does not have too much difficulty in accepting that
he/she is unwanted and not liked by many. The person does not let it all affect
him/her too much and stops giving it a lot of importance. He/she develops an
understanding that he/she may not fit in within the normal and the usual, and
feels that perhaps that is what was meant to be. A feeling arises that instead
of trying to fit in, it is better to step aside and move away.

The
idea of not being accepted, then, no longer means the end of life. The individual
feels life has a greater purpose than just being accepted by others, and being part
of a larger social group. He/she builds a world of his/her own, becomes
goal-oriented, and tries not to become too affected by others’ opinions and
judgments. Within all this darkness, he/she tries to find happiness. The individual
develops a sense of meaning within the painful experience of social rejection.

From
the troubling and painful experience of not being accepted, judged, and falling
short of others’ expectations, the individual moves towards a sense of
positivity. Social rejection leading to aloneness tends to make the make the
person indulge in self-reflection. Self-reflection leads to self-awareness,
self-realization, and self-discovery.

No
one wants to be disliked and rejected by others. It becomes a troubling
experience for the individual and takes him/her away from the normal and the
usual. Out of all this, due to self-reflection, the individual rises above all
the negativity and moves towards a phase in which he/she finds meaning and
purpose in life. Social rejection, then, can take the individual towards self-discovery,
even it is a troubled and painful path.

The concept of attachment styles extends
the notion of Freudian psychoanalytic thought that childhood experiences play a
significant role in adult life. Attachment is a strong emotional bond to a
significant other person. For an infant, the parents/caretakers become an
attachment figure.

To grow up mentally healthy, the
infant and the young child should experience a warm, intimate, and continuous
relationship with his/her mother or caretaker, in which both find satisfaction
and enjoyment. There are three different types of attachment styles that an
infant may develop – secure attachment style, avoidant attachment style, and
ambivalent attachment style.

The secure attachment style occurs when the parent is generally
available and responsive to the child’s needs. The child with a secure
attachment style feels supported and secure. The avoidant attachment style occurs when the parent is generally cool,
unresponsive, or even rejecting. The infant due to this becomes detached from
the caretaker. The avoidant attachment style makes the child to suppress
feelings of vulnerability and neediness. The ambivalent attachment style occurs when the primary caretaker does
not respond consistently to the infant’s needs. This makes the child to be
vigilant for threats and feel anxious or angry.

The attachment style developed in
childhood determines the interaction patterns for future relationships, when
the child grows up. Depending on the attachment style, the child may grow up to
be sociable and have healthy interpersonal interactions, or may become
distrustful of others, be aloof, and end up feeling lonely.

A child with secure attachment style
grows up into an individual who seeks closeness with others, and thus becomes
friendly and sociable. Such a person will most likely enjoy being with others,
develop long lasting friendships, and be trustworthy of others.

In contrast, a child with avoidant
attachment style grows up into an individual who becomes fearful in
relationships and tends to avoid closeness with others in order to avoid social
rejection. This avoidance in closeness may lead to an unfulfilled need for
intimacy. The person prefers to stay alone and end up feeling loneliness.

Likewise, a child with ambivalent
attachment style grows up to be a person who is emotionally distressed in
social interactions and expects the worst from others. The person becomes
highly distrustful of others Due to this the emotional needs of the individual
are not fulfilled and brings about a feeling of lack of intimacy, and could
also lead to loneliness.

It should be noted that an avoidant or ambivalent attachment style does not always necessarily mean that the parents or caretakers have not been good to their child. It could also be that the parents did their best, but somehow the child perceived their interactions to be in that manner.

The attachment theory further suggests that
poor attachment or inadequate parental care may lead to psychological disorders
in adulthood. Inadequate parental care may lead to the development of the anxious attachment pattern, which
involves insecurity and dependency, and makes the individual prone to phobias,
hypochondriasis, and eating disorders. Inadequate parenting may also lead to
the development of the pattern of emotional
detachment in which the individual feels serious deprivation of affection,
and makes the person prone to antisocial and hysterical personality disorders.

These attachment styles could further
determine four adult interactions
patterns. These four interaction patterns are based on two underlying
dimensions, which are positive versus negative evaluation of self and positive
versus negative evaluation of others.

People who have a positive evaluation of the self tend to assume that others will
respond positively, expect to be liked by others, which makes them feel
comfortable with others, and thus have satisfying relationships. People with a negative self-evaluation makes them
expect that others will be rejecting, which makes them feel anxious with
others, and therefore tend to avoid others.

Individuals who have a positive evaluation of others expect
that they will be comforting and supporting, and thus will they will seek close
relationships. Individuals who have a negative
evaluation of others will expect them to be unavailable and non-supportive,
which makes them tend to avoid people and be aloof.

People with positive evaluations of
self and others have positive and healthy interpersonal interactions; they are comfortable being around others. People with negative evaluations of self and others tend to have maladaptive
interpersonal interactions; they may not have long-lasting relationships, they
may always be distrustful, and be distant from others.

Therefore, early interactions with caretakers, in terms of the different attachment styles determine the nature of interpersonal interactions that individuals may have in their life. These differing interpersonal interactions are also manifested in the adult interaction patterns, which are often found to be a result of the attachment styles.

About Me

A PhD in Psychology (Intimate Relationships). I'm a writer, an independent researcher, and conduct workshops and awareness programs in schools and colleges. I have had experience in teaching Psychology to
undergraduate students of University of Delhi as well as constructing Psychological tests.
Apart from my interests in interpersonal relationships, educational
issues, personality, communication, and mental health, I have a wide
range of interests that are beyond Psychology, which keep me active,
driven, and make my life fun and joyful.

Currently, I'm also working as an Assistant Professor at Vivekananda College, University of Delhi, India.