Coming Out?

By Kristin, age 15, CaliforniaSweet Designs Featured Writer

Have you (or anyone you know) ever struggled with their sexual identity? We girls are brought up to
assume that we'll like boys, but some of us don't fit into that assumption. So what happens then?

Being Sure

Here's the secret - you don't have to be! Sexuality is fluid. While you may be attracted to one gender
right now, you may be attracted to someone else at another time in your life. You may mostly like one
gender, but happen to like someone of the other gender - that's ok! It's ok to be whoever you are and
be attracted to whomever you happen to be attracted to at that moment.

Coming Out (Or Staying In)

So you're confused about your sexuality (or you aren't confused - you know) and you don't know who to
talk to about it. If you choose to confide in someone about this, you need to be sure that: 1. You are
physically safe telling said person about this (unfortunately, I have to say this because some people
are very homophobic), and 2. you can tell someone you trust to not "out" you to those you don't want
to be outed to. These are the criteria you should look for in a confidante.

I told my uncle (whom I'm very close to) and he said, "I figured you might be", and he didn't tell
anyone. Four months later I told my dad, mom, and grandmother, all of whom also were fine with it and
had suspected it, so it was pretty easy for me, but it may not be for some people. It's ok to not come
out if you don't feel comfortable doing so. It doesn't mean that you're ashamed of who you are, and it
doesn't mean that you'll lie about it forever, but some teenagers feel more comfortable waiting until
they are no longer financially dependent upon their parents. As far as coming out to friends, I can't
give advice in this area as I don't have a lot of friends - I'm home schooled! I do have a best friend,
but I haven't told her yet. I'm just not ready and I know that it's best to wait until I'm comfortable
to tell her. If you think your friends will be fine with it, try to find a good time to bring it up.
For example, lunch at school might not be the best time. It would be better to find someplace private.
Understand that they may not take it well at first, but if they are true friends, they'll be ok with it
in time.

Joining the Movement

Many high schools have GSA meetings (Gay Straight Alliance) where you can feel safe and comfortable
talking to other teens who accept you for who you are. If your high school does have one, find out when
the meeting is and just join them. You'll be welcome. You don't have to say anything at the first
meeting if you don't want to. Just listen, observe, and if it seems like an accepting place with nice
people, try going back and talking next time. If your high school doesn't have a GSA, there may be one
at a local youth center. You can find a directory and info about starting a GSA at
http://www.gsanetwork.org, or you can start
one at your school.

Joining the Online Movement

This part is easier. You can do it right now! Online communities are often a saving grace for LGBT teens.
Here's a list of links of places I personally find to be reliable, safe, and of good integrity.

Scarleteen.com
Scarleteen is not a gay site. I personally think that all teens should check it out. It has lots of
reliable info, and the message boards are also a good place to get advice or just talk to people.

Gayteens.About.com
This About.com section is a great informational website, with information specifically tailored to LGBT
youth.

Mogenic.com
Mogenic is the largest gay and lesbian teen social networking site there is, and is a cool place to talk
to other teens just like you.

TrevorSpace.com
Trevor Space is a social networking site started by The Trevor Project, a suicide hotline for LGBT youth.
I've talked to some really nice people on this site.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, or just need someone to talk to, call The Trevor Project helpline
at 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386)

As with all social networking sites, there are always risks. Keep your common sense, and it's not
recommended to meet in person with people you meet online.

Being an Ally

Even if you aren't LGBT yourself, you may have friends who are, and sometimes the process our friends go
through is just as difficult as going through it yourself. If you have friends who are LGBT (or just
support gay rights) you can join your school's GSA too and be what's called a straight ally. If you were
raised to believe that being gay is wrong, then it sometimes can be hard to accept a friend coming out to
you. It's ok to have reservations - your friend will surely understand - but it's also important to show
your friend that you still care about them, and to remember that they are the same person they were 5
seconds before they told you, but now they're being honest with you.

I've learned a lot about who I am as a person in the past few months, and I feel more at peace with myself
and my life than ever before because of it. In the past, I always had this dream of what my life would be
like ... the classic lifestyle: a husband, 2.2 children, a happy family ... then I realized I was gay. I
felt like the rug was being pulled out from under me, like I'd had my life planned out and then it all
changed. But I now realize that I hadn't changed in that way. So I adjusted the way I thought about it. I
didn't think of being a lesbian as being a bad thing anymore, thinking instead that it was simply different
from what I had known.