Well, ran across these bizarre and delightfully impish suggestions for “[TRANSFORMING] THE VARIEY THEATRE INTO A THEATRE OF AMAZEMENT, RECORD-SETTING, AND BODY MADNESS.”

Courtesy of Filippo Tommaso Marinetti:

3. Introduce surprise and the need to move among the spectators of the orchestra, boxes, and balcony. Some random suggestions: spread a powerful glue on some of the seats, so that the male of female spectator will stay glued down and make everyone laugh (the damaged frock coat or toilette will naturally be paid for at the door)–sell the same ticket to ten people: traffic jam, bickering, and wrangling–offer free tickets to gentlemen or ladies who are notoriously unbalanced, irritable, or eccentric and likely to provoke uproars with obscene gestures, pinching women, or other freakishness. Sprinkle the seats with dust to make people itch, sneeze, etc (425*)

Can you imagine the letters the Roundabout would receive from its subscribers upon institution of these practices? Delightful. Wonder where he gets his glue…