A new petition will emerge to eliminate those pesky power lines that obscure our ocean views. Residents will have to "adopt" a power line, roll the dice and pay seven times the amount shown to the nearest utility.

Trendy, expensive appetizers or grazing plates are now being marketed with happy hour specials. Why get a full plate when you can get half the food for the same price?

Out: Tony Iseman

In: Jane Egly

Egly plans on using the ribbon-cutting scissors to slash downtown car tires, hoping to expedite the Complete Streets movement.

Out: Pedestrians

In: Pedestrian safety gear

There is a new technology — being developed in a secret lab in Laguna Canyon — that will provide pedestrians with car-proof force fields so they can safely brave our crosswalks.

Out: Red palm weevil

In: Electric eucalyptus eel

The Asian beetle scare turned out to be a dud, but enterprising residents frustrated over eucalyptus trees blocking their views have learned that the electric eucalyptus eel is very effective at killing the trees. Bonus: Everyone can blame Southern California Edison.

Out: Surfing

In: Stand-up paddleboarding

Let's face it: Most people can't surf. But who can't stand up on a barge the size of Nebraska?

Out: Skateboarders

In: Skateboarders imitating stand-up paddleboarders

Hoping to avoid arrest, skateboarders will be carrying the wooden SUP paddles while they skate, calling themselves "land SUPers."

Out: Public murals

In: Graffiti art

Bored LCAD students decide to shake things up with cutting-edge street art in Laguna. And because no one will remember what the original mural was, there is no prosecution.

Out: DUIs

In: Free rides home

Laguna Beach police will announce that they have arrested everyone for DUI at least once within a 30-mile radius, so area bars and restaurants will start driving their patrons home as a courtesy.

Out: Homeless

In: Reality-show homeless

Coming to cable, watch as our colorful homeless live in the Laguna Beach Transition Mansion, steps away from the beach. But not in anyone's backyard.

Out: Residents

In: Tourists

No one actually lives in Laguna Beach anymore because it's too expensive. Everyone is a tourist or plays one on TV.

DAVID HANSEN is a writer and Laguna Beach resident. He can be reached at davidhansen@yahoo.com.