Monday, January 4, 2016

TMIT: OLDE YEAR

becoming ye olde year...

what is sexier?1. arms or shoulders? shoulders. shoulders are boulder holders.2. ass or legs? Assy McGee is the sexiest combination of both.3. pussy or dick? why? now take a look up there. you tell me cos i sure can't choose. cat or duck, both are cute in their own way. more importantly, they feed off each other's cuteness until there's an overload. we need more of this kind of overload in the world, not another terrorist bomb.4. feet or hands? why? one word: hamsa. why? cos a hot babe has a hamsa tattoo on her side, that's all that really matters.5. muscles or brains? why? the brain is a muscle which must be worked out or it will deflate and die. except in my case. i have a cyberbrain that's controlled by the CIA. shit, i wasn't supposed to tell you that. i now expect a knock on my door from the muscle come from Washington wearing black fedoras and sonic sunglasses and lead pipes. they'll say they just want to talk but i know they really want to take me to the cleaners. while my good suit is being pressed they'll run me through the car wash. of course i'm not sure if this is really happening to me or is a program running in my brain. i can't answer the door cos i'm all plugged in.

folks, sexiness is a gift from God. we, you and me, those who are blessed with the gift have a duty to spread our sexiness around the globe. shed some of that extra glitter to others so the world will be a happier, better, more stylish place. one day the dream will be realized. every single one of us living on this planet now or before will walk out our doors proudly wearing our latex pants and heels. all this hotness will cause a seismic shift and bring the dinosaurs back to life. only they won't be the dinosaurs we learned about in school. these dinosaurs will be wearing eyeshadow. and moisturizer for their rough scaly skin.

bonus: do you think you're sexy? come on sugar let me know. actually don't. i'm sorry. i've been living a lie this whole time. honey, you're sweet. that's just it. that's the problem. i've been a prick. please don't let me know. i can't take you anymore. i want to but if i love you more i'll die. i have the diabeetus.

now if you'll excuse me, it's time for my regulated breakfast of one nuffin muffin and some damn oatmeal. special guests joining me this morning. it's handy to have the CIA right there next to you to fetch the honey when it runs out. they assigned this duty to the Secret Service but the Secret Service didn't quite understand their orders...*)

NUMBERS CONTINUE FOREVER...

I AM YOU

a straight, single man struggling each and every second with debilitating, crippling depression. for all intents and purposes a shut-in trying to glean meaning in such a state, a wordsmith who squanders his gifts on messageboards and chat rooms. please be my friend. please? email me anytime, anywhere, about anything............................................i'm always available...