How to be erotic at any age

Have you noticed that after a certain age there’s nothing sensuous or erotic about onscreen sex and nudity? Rather, it reeks of irony, or even more disconcerting, downright ridicule. The few rare sightings of the unclothed older figure are either shown as a joke or an embarrassment. There’s this subtext: We’ve had our laughs, now do us a favour and put it away.

To illustrate my point, remember that scene in Something’s Gotta Give where Jack Nicholson accidentally stumbles across Diane Keaton in a state of total deshabillé? Shock horror, hysteria and piercing screams all round. To be fair, we do later get a shot of the Nicholson rear peeking out of a hospital gown, but once again it’s all about laughs not lust.

So is this ageist treatment deserved? Should the older body be regarded as a source of amusing irony? Or could it be taken seriously, though perhaps in wide soft focus and/or with a more youthful body double? Does what we see onscreen have any kind of impact on the actual offscreen sex lives of older (boomer) people?

I don’t know the answer to any of these questions. Is anybody else even asking them? I can, however, suggest a discreet way of attempting sex for those of us whose body confidence has declined with the years. All credit to Larry David, who addresses so many issues of social embarrassment in his incisive series, Curb Your Enthusiasm. In season 4 episode 8 he hooks up with a Hasidic woman for sex and, thoughtfully respecting her supposed religious customs, presents himself swaddled in a sheet (with strategic hole). Sadly, they still don’t get it together. But hey, could be worth a try for us regular real life folks, no?

For my own take on the Larry David School of Hasidic Sex, see pic above. Unlike Larry, at least I got my hole in the right hemisphere. And the Stella McCartney bra adds a touch of class, if I say so myself. A lady boomer has to pull out all stops.