Monday, July 28, 2008

...party last night about what I was posting about next, namely "EXOTIC" Produce, he implied that it just wasn't up to the Aubergenius Sexy Standards. I mean, that is just...hahah...I mean, god...how felonious.

I sometimes find myself wandering like a pig in the sunshine in Whole Foods, throwing the things that least resemble canned peaches and bodega beans into my basket, and I have to tell you, I happen to find the sunchoke VERY sexy:

Yeah, I know, that's reaching. It also took me all day to write this post. Seeing as I'm all about, as well as unable to get enough of, The Sexy, it can be determined that exotic vegetation does not, indeed, have much to do with the sexy. As this proof clearly states:

Ok Gabe, you win this round. Whatever, it's Freddie Mercury Friday anyway, and who can be bothered with fruits?

Yeah yeah, I know last week's Freddie Mercury Friday went by without even a Scaramouche...and I know how much you look forward to these things...but you know, the only thing lamer than US missing out on FMF is ME missing out on the BEAUTIFULNYCSummer Friday. Really, gotta look out for number one over here.

But since I know it's important to you, I present to you the first Fake Freddie Mercury Monday:

Oh and speaking of CHAMPIONS, my friends and I participated in a FIELD DAY this past Saturday, and we, The Yellow Team, The Golden Gods, Team Sunshine, did indeed dominate.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Can I tell you about my dream two nights ago? I know, I know. Everybody hates it when you tell them about dreams (unless it's about them), but IT LOOKED LIKE THIS:

Actually, it looked more like that mixed with this:

Which equals THIS:

Let me explain. In the dream my girlfriends and I had all decided to grow facial hair. Mine was this thick, silky, wildly luxurious thing that I couldn't stop running my fingers through. A couple friends had gotten creative, but nothing more ambitious than a baby Fu-Manchu. It was summer, we were in shorts and playsuits, fanning ourselves, waiting for the train.

Suddenly I saw this beautiful friend of mine that I haven't seen in a coon's age, and she's also got this thick, full blond beard and I'm like, "Holy shit Jessie! Hi! You've got a beard too!" And I want to tell her she looks marvelous, but I'm struck with the realization that this girlbeard trend is just GHASTLY. Suddenly I'm WRETCHED with shame at having this beard, and can barely stomach the idea of even riding home on public transit to shave it off.

Then I woke up.

But what does it meeeean?

It may mean that even though I THINK I like these little Sold Out trousers here:

I should probably just leave the poopie pants to the Finns.

This post is dedicated to this Finnish child, who can wear whatever the fuck he wants whenever he wants:

Friday, July 18, 2008

So I just joined my first big-girl gym, at $75 a month (New York Sports Club), and I admit I'm torn. My other gym was/is a $25-per-month,zero amenity cabbie hole, populated by body builders, the aforementioned cabbies, and, occasionally, Amanda LePore doing pelvic thrust floor exercises.

Honest to gawd, the spectacle of her with her legs propped up on a yoga ball doing pelvic thrusts is pretty much the only thing that's ever kept me on the stair machine for longer than 10 minutes...but I can't really depend on her to be there when I need her.

In honor of this shimmering mythical beast of a man, and also of this FIRST FRIDAY, I'm letting the internal nerd have her way with this post, and sharing with you the reason I really...REALLY....started to love Queen. It is the title track to the acclaimed USA TV series Highlander, starring the illustriously pectoralled Adrian Paul. Christopher Lambert, the original Highlander from the 1986 movie, was a less-opulent, squirrely Roger Moore to Adrian's Sean Connery (ironically a cast member in the 86 film version), but I couldn't find a video with the entire opening credits song with him in it. So, please exercise your imaginations, let Adrian's blue steel here burn hole in your retina,

and pretend he's the one weilding the saber in the Highlander title track, Queen's PRINCES OF THE UNIVERSE:

(I found "Princess of the Universe" to be a rather endearing typo, in context.)

UPDATE!!!

Now that you've listened to that EPIC song 8 times in a row, you too can be Freddie! EVERYBODY NOW!!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

On June 27th, Dame John Galliano planted another punky little pipe bomb on men's fashion (oh god.), with his Spring 09 men's collection, devoted to...em...well...either how he wished he looked in weird shit, or Carrot Top.

I definitely appreciate his vision for women, so to be fair I must point out the relative youth of his men's line (started in 04, I believe?). That said, allow me, self-appointed citizen-elect of the peanut gallery, to remind us all that there is no half life to the asininity of a Galliano men's collection.

I know, I know, it's not your birthday, but I'm giving you a treat anyway:

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

So I saw these on Jezebel the other day - hair hats by aubegenius art director and possibly all-around silly person Nagi Noda. For some people, the 99th percentile of glamorously weird just comes naturally - raised on, like, magical Japanese super-fun-go-go future sprouts, she reminds me of how utterly 98th percentile I am at the moment. Best get to work if I'm ever going to coerce this from my brain:

But before this, it did get me to thinking about...em...things made of hair.

Check out these lovely ladies and their rather inspired human hair frocks:

Marquesan cannibals are quite the progressive dressers, wouldn't you say? Paleofuturistic caveman, replete with human thigh bone accountrements. So hot right now, don't you just want to eat them up?

And while we're on the appetizing subject of wearing a stranger's cast-off keratin:

This one is from Artidjana, and apparently took 165 feet of blond human hair. It's unspecified whethr or not it's NATURAL blond, but considering the rumor that blonds are going to be extinct by the year 2012I feel that it's highly unlikely.

Family jewels, peasant-style...

And then there's this moving hair tribute to Cuba, found in the Hunterdon Art Museum. Expert craftsmanship, intuitive design...kind of lovely, isn't it? Right???