Monthly Archives: July 2016

Ripped jeans are either really cool or really stupid. It all depends on where the rip is. If the knee is ripped, that’s stylish and hip. If the crotch is ripped, your day is probably ruined. I have a pair of jeans with frayed back pockets. I’m reluctant to keep my wallet in them, but they look fashionable so I wear them every now and then despite their diminished functionality. Some people buy news pairs of jeans that are already ripped. I don’t believe in that. I believe that rips should be earned. There should be a story behind them. You should rip your jeans while running from a mountain lion while hiking. You shouldn’t rip your jeans with scissors because Oprah says it’s trendy. I don’t know why denim looks good ripped, but it does. You don’t see people walking around with ripped cargo pants or ripped yoga pants. I have a theory that jean shorts were accidentally invented when a ripped knee got out of control.

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Hollywood has been churning out reboots and remakes for the past couple of decades. No classic film is safe, as evidenced by the recent reboot of Ghostbusters. The new film is directed by Paul Feig and stars Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones, and Chris Hemsworth. It’s kind of like Bridesmaids but with more ghosts. It’s really funny with the right amount of spooky thrills. It’s a definite reboot. They pay homage to the original films, but the girls are the first batch of ghost exterminators in this universe. Most of the cast from the first films make cameos, the notable exceptions being Rick Moranis and Harold Ramis. Rick Moranis basically quit Hollywood and Harold Ramis passed away. They could have had him cameo as a ghost but that would have been disrespectful.

The plot is similar to the first film. You kind of feel like you know what’s going to happen before it does. But the characters make the film worth watching. The four ghostbusters are all hilarious. The riff and play off of each other and it’s apparent that they are all having fun. Comedies are supposed to be fun. Chris Hemsworth had some of the best moments as their bumbling secretary. Who knew that he had comedic chops to rival Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy?

I liked the special effects. The ghosts looked retro like in the first two movies of the franchise. I saw it in 2D because that was the best showtime for me, but I wish I saw it in 3D because the climax was so spectacular. The end of the world has been depicted in countless movies, but this was one of the most memorable apocalypses I’ve seen.

There are a lot of haters who decided to hate this movie without watching it. You can’t hate it if you never experienced it. I experienced it. I liked it. Everyone else in the theater with me liked it too. I heard laughs and gasps and a smattering of applause when it was over. I heard no boos and no demands for a refund. I don’t think this movie will make its budget back. It won’t be a blockbuster even though it deserves to be. It sucks too, because the scene after the credits sets up a sequel that we might never see.

I overheard a guy complaining about his life to his friend. His girlfriend dumped him, he was overlooked for a promotion at work, and his dog likes his roommate more than him. His friend gave him some advice and told him that “There’s a light at the end of the rainbow.” I couldn’t help but scoff at them. That’s not an expression. That’s muddling up two different expressions. There’s either a light at the end of the tunnel and there’s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I’ve seen the end of the rainbow and there was definitely no light, only a pot of gold and a surly leprechaun guarding it. I asked the leprechaun where the light was. He said it was obviously at the end of the tunnel. That’s where they keep it. There’s no light at the end of the rainbow. Don’t believe the hype. And don’t speak in clichés if you don’t know how to say them, especially if I’m around to make fun of you.

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One of the best things about getting drunk is getting drunk food. Drunk food is a complete meal you can eat with your hands that fills you up and is served quickly. Certain foods taste better when you’re inebriated. Pizza is always good, but it’s so much better when you’re drunk. A drunk burrito in between bars keeps your night going. Stumbling across a street vendor selling bacon-wrapped hot dogs will make you believe that God is real and wants us to be happy. Drunk food provides you with the much needed fuel to keep on drinking. It makes the party last longer. You know you had a good night when you find an empty pizza box on the counter when you wake up the next morning and no recollection of getting it. I’m not promoting binge drinking, I’m promoting eating food when you’re binge drinking. There’s a slight difference I’m sure.

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I went to work yesterday and I didn’t feel much like working. I had an opportunity to leave early and so I took it. I clocked in at 10:30 and I clocked out at 10:45. I had the whole day ahead of me and I wasn’t going to let it go to waste. The Giants were playing the Diamondbacks at 1:05 and I was in the mood for some baseball. I started texting friends to see if anybody was down to go. Nobody could go on such short notice so I bought a standing room only ticket for myself and went alone. It was my first time going to the game by myself and I don’t think it will be my last. It was a lot of fun. I could do whatever I wanted. I didn’t have to settle for inferior beer. There was no debating where to go for food. I could make bathroom trips whenever I wanted and didn’t have to wait for anyone stuck in a longer line than me. And I wasn’t bored because I still talked baseball with the other fans around me. I feel like I paid a lot more attention to the game. I still prefer going with other people but now I know that I can go to the game whenever the mood strikes me. And going to the game is always better than watching it on TV. You can call me a loser but you can’t say I’m not a fan. Go Giants!

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Stubbed toes are an occasional side effect of walking. I got drunk the other night and woke up the next morning with a stubbed toe. Actually, I have to admit that it was two stubbed toes, one on each foot. It was impressive. I’m normally not that sloppy. I must have stubbed them pretty bad because I had a legitimate cut on one and peeled skin on the other. I put socks on and went for a test walk. It hurt because my socks were sticking to the wound. I had to wrap bandaids around the two toes and put my socks back on. It worked but it wasn’t pretty. I don’t like having things between my toes so it was uncomfortable. It was also my day off and I wasn’t going to waste it so I manned up and spent my day walking the dogs with my buddies along Ocean Beach and all throughout Golden Gate Park. It was hell on my feet but it was also a hell of a day. I regret nothing. It would have been better without stubbed toes though.

Critically Rated at 6/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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I like to eat food but I’m not much of a cook. I usually go out for dinner or get microwavable food. I don’t cook it in the microwave though. I cook it in the oven. It takes a lot longer but it makes it tastes more like real food. And there’s less radiation involved. A lot of people don’t seem to realize that you can cook most microwavable food in the oven but if you flip over your box of Hot Pockets you’ll see that they have directions for microwave ovens and for conventional ovens. Toaster ovens are shit out of luck though. The only major downside to cooking microwavable food in the oven is that you’re still eating microwavable food. Nothing beats a home cooked meal.
Critically Rated at 11/17

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I will eat pizza with my bare hands ninety-nine times out of a hundred. More than that even. I will eat pizza with my hands nine hundred and ninety-nine times out of a thousand. But every once in a while I will use cutlery to enjoy the culinary treat. Eating pizza with a knife and fork makes you feel classy instantly. Suddenly you’re not eating pizza, you’re eating pizza pie. It becomes a delicacy. When you take the time to cut each bite, you savor each bite. And people will look at you and respect you instantly. You could have ripped into your pizza like a commoner but you ate it like a civilized man instead. That’s worth something. Not sure what, but it’s gotta be something.
Critically Rated at 10/17

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I rely on public transportation to get around the city. I try to be aware of my surroundings and I’ve noticed a lot of hospital workers wearing their scrubs on the bus or train. That doesn’t make any sense to me. Wikipedia defines scrubs as the sanitary clothing worn by surgeons, nurses, physicians, and other workers involved in patient care in hospitals. The key word is sanitary, and I don’t think wearing scrubs on public transportation is sanitary. The subway isn’t exactly renowned for its cleanly conditions. Scrubs are supposed to be sterile to keep germs and infections from spreading to vulnerable patients. Wearing them on the bus seems to violate that cardinal rule. You trust healthcare workers to be clean. Seeing them rub shoulders with homeless people on public transportation is pretty disheartening. It should be illegal. Write your congressman and voice your complaints if you feel the same way. Maybe someone can start a petition to outlaw the practice. I’m too lazy to take the initiative but I’ll gladly sign my name to the cause.
Critically Rated at 5/17

There are two types of people in the world. There are people who own their mistakes and there are people who shift the blame. People fuck up. It happens all the time. You can either admit your mistake or make excuses for what happened. I have no respect for people who do the latter. If I’m at fault, I’ll admit it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. People make mistakes all the time. That’s why pencils have erasers. You can still scratch it out if you have a pen. You fuck up, you figure out what went wrong, and you fix it or prevent it from happening again. That’s how you gain experience. That’s how you gain respect. Nobody is perfect. Don’t pretend to be.