If you have no interest in rattlesnakes
at all, don't fret. There is "something
for everyone" at this Derby Weekend.
The Flea Market includes more than
500 dealers, about 100 of those
serving all kinds of food, including
southern-fried rattlesnake at the Bite
Back Cafe. There is also a
rattlesnake shootout, a 5K run, a
square dance, and a Big Country
Dance featuring country/western music. The National Guard
Armory is bursting with hand made
items from all over the southwest,
and the kids will no doubt burn a
couple of hours at the
carnival with games and rides. The
"crowning moment" of the derby will
take place as the Miss Derby
Princess takes the throne and is
forced to pose with the snake award
winners and their record snakes.

Back to Snakes ... Experienced
guides provide the proper equipment,
train you, and then lead you down to
the hunting areas where the slithery
creatures reside. Once you descend
into the snake pit, it's
bite or be bitten--and
you had better be the
one who's eating. If
you are lucky and
prove your dominance
over a nice
booty-shaking rattler,
you may walk away
with a cash prize in the Derby
Competition for "Largest Snake" or
"Most Pounds of Snakes." The
competition is presided over by the
Derby's Fangmaster. But be warned:
don't allow yourself to get TOO
carried away in a valiant attempt to
win the third and final category of
"Most Snakes," or the recurring
nightmare that plagued your
childhood just might become reality.
(A couple of hollow fangs sink into
your flesh and inject you with venom.
After you are pumped full of juice, the
snake releases its grip, allowing you
to thrash about a bit or run as the
bitten area burns, while the rattler's
venom pre-digests your flesh, until
you can no longer move.) But that
won't happen, right? Right?

For those still interested in
overcoming old anxieties, but who
would rather not experience the
terror-rush that accompanies
squaring off against a poisonous
serpent, make your way to the
southwest corner of the downtown
square. There you will find literally
hundreds of rattlers in open-air pits,
which you can approach within inches
and still be perfectly safe. There will
also be bus tours leaving every hour
on the hour to observe live
rattlesnakes in the wild. This is the
perfect photo-op for all you big
talkers who feel that sitting in a bus is
as close as you need to be; all you
need to do is snap a picture which
can serve as a future prop to
embellish your tall rattler tales.

At the big red-and-white striped tent,
you can enjoy professional snake
handlers hosting continuous shows
starring pythons, alligators and other
exotic critters. When you've
experienced enough live action, head
over to the Butcher Shop Show and
learn how rattlesnakes are processed
for food, leather and medicine.
(Tastes like chicken.)

Oh yeah, we thought you might be
interested in an additional tidbit of
information. The snake hunts its prey
by using the heat-sensitive pits
located just below and in front of
each of its eyes. These sensors help
it zero in on warm blooded animals in
the dark. So, when you are cuddled
up in bed at night after a long day of
rattlesnake events, if you feel a tickle
between your shoulderblades, don't
worry, it's probably just your
imagination, right? Right?