Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Idle Hands. . .

So I’m working the lobby desk this afternoon, and taking a break from forwarding mail, when I notice a file on the computer desktop that says “Staff Movie List.” I open it up and sure enough, it’s an Excel file with each RA from this hall listed alphabetically, and a list of DVDs and VHS tapes listed under each name. The staff is gone for the summer. The file is not locked.

A wickedly funny practical joke occurs to me, which happens more than most people realize. You see, while my outward behavior is reserved and polite, I am perpetually looking for ways to fuck with people.

It was me who conceived and organized the party that buried our boss’s car in snow.

It was me who rigged up a bunch of confetti bombs on certain RAs’ doors and then staged a confetti attack on my own door, thus diverting the blame.

It might be me who inserts a bunch of pornographic movie titles in the staff movie list.

I need to be careful here, and in the process of covering my tracks I might even be able to pull a double-whammy. Since the file will be time-stamped when it’s updated, I can’t do it during my shift – because if someone wanted to, they could simply check the timestamp against the schedule and deduce who was working at the time. Therefore, I need to edit the file during someone else’s shift; I can just come down to the desk while they're here, pretend like I need the computer for a bit, and nonchalantly add titles like "Hairy Potter and the Chamber of Secretions" to the Excel sheet. The staff movie list will be, uh, “fleshed out” with various porn titles, if the file is ever opened there will be much confusion and embarrassment, and the person who gets blamed will be someone other than me. Genius!