Saturday, November 04, 2006

.......What?

Apparently my last post was accidentally cross-posted in some alternate universe in which people are born without the mass of brain known for processing "rationality" and instead just have a giant impulse center that forces them to hit "Leave Your Comment" on every website they see.

Allow me to repost:

Question: "When your boss makes a sale, does expect her client to send her a gift?" [In other words, is the agent/client relationship a tipping situation?]

Answer: No, it is not a tipping situation. Gifts are not necessary. If you feel compelled to give one, it will be appreciated, but try not to send bulky or perishable items that will take up space in the office and/or go bad if the agent happens to be on vacation. Do not send food, as you don't know if the agent is vegetarian, vegan, kosher, halal, allergic to peanuts, allergic to gluten, diabetic, on TPN (intravenous feeding), or is fasting while sitting under a Bodhi tree to attain Enlightenment.

I hope this clears everything up.

(P.S. If your agent is sitting under a Bodhi tree to attain Enlightenment, he/she may be doing that for a while and you should probably seek literary representation elsewhere.)

On a minor point Gautama Buddha practised fasting and self mortification (which didn't work) before settling for a life of contemplation under the Bodhi tree (which seems to have worked). On that note I think I'll head for the nearest Bodhi tree before I get a food hamper launched at my head. :)

You're funny the way you talk about mass of brain. Funny. You seem kinda young and mad at someone, though. Sorry about people not meeting your expectations of them.But, as you are performing such an admirable service to those suffering from a lack of mass of brain, I shall forgive you.

I think I have a fever, so please forgive me this... but when I read rashenbo's comment, the first thing that popped in my head was a comic Miss Snark going "Mooo..." as some eager little writer sneaks up and taps her on the shoulder, and Miss Snark goes kerplunk on the ground at a right angle, lol.

From a different perspective ... I have a friend who is an actor. When he goes to autograph shows, he invariably ends up with tons of gifts from the fans. Some are too personal, some are inappropriate, and some are just a nuisance. Can you imagine having to try to figure out how to fly back on an airplane carrying a large fruit basket? He doesn't complain about them, but I can see what a nuisance these gifts are. They usually end up getting left in the hotel room because he simply can't do anything with them. In his case, the fact that you showed up to visit him at the show is the gift. Sometimes a smile or a cute thank you card works better than a gift.

I can totally see myself sending a nice thank-you card, or a Starbucks gift card...something along those lines...as a thanks for believing in me kind of thing. But a fruit basket? I am still chuckling over that one. :0)verif ~ hutbhff (no joke!)...the hut where folks go to get buff? TFF!

delilah, although it sounds like a lovely idea I'm not sure people necessarily want donations in their name going to charities that they don't believe in. You may think that no one could possibly object to the charities that you listed, but there are people that would.

It seems well-intentioned but presumptuous (like buying someone you don't know well something personal like perfume or clothes).

These questions have disturbed me. What ever happened to a sincere, handwritten note or holiday card saying "thank you for your hard work. I greatly appreciate it and I wish you the best (whatever holiday)" and your signature? When did a fruit baskets or chocolates take the place of sincerely expressed personal greeting?

My personal feeling is that anyone who would send a generic gift that is rather ostentatious (like a giant box of candy or a fruit basket) probably is a bit self centered. I mean, how much time did they spend in considering their recipient? Now, a fruit basket in a hotel is a different story. But, last I checked, your agent's office isn't. A hotel, that is...

Man, people are WEIRD about gifts. Somehow, to some people, giving gifts has become about the giver, not the receiver. How DARE you not want my gift. I want to give it to you! That's all that matters! What is up with people who belligerently insist on giving gifts to someone who doesn't want any? It's selfish, but not like regular selfish. It's kind of twisted.

I don't get this. Someone asked, is a gift expected? The answer is no, it's neither expected nor desired. End of story. People criticize Rej for her age, but act like children when she says something they don't want to hear.

It's not like she wrote back to the fruit basket person saying "thanks for nothing, loser." I'm sure she and the boss were very gracious to the giver. Then, in blog world, someone asked a question. She answered it and shared an anecdote. Wah wah, boo hoo.

Here's another example: steaks. Steaks arrive at office in huge foam box that says to refrigerate right away. The box doesn't fit in the fridge. The boss isn't in. Also, the boss 1.) takes the subway and 2.) doesn't cook.

Meanwhile, those who just send a card? Boss displays cards lovingly in office, even shows photos of author's kids to some coworkers.

All get a warm thank you, but why be wasteful when you have a golden opportunity not to be?

If one doesn't want the fruit basket, drink wine, or like the colour of the flowers, why not just pass them on? Honestly, I've received a lot of unwanted, even downright weird gifts in my life, but I've never had trouble finding someone (friend, cleaning lady, random person in the neighbouring office, doesn't matter) who wasn't glad to accept them. And I myself have been glad to accept things that other people have rejected. (Mostly chocolate. I'm more than happy to consume any chocolate that comes my way.) Is the choice really between carrying the steaks home on the subway and chucking them in the bin? Good grief.

I've probably given plenty of unwanted gifts, too, and if someone tells me that they don't want any presents from me, I obey the orders and don't mind at all. But an increasing number of people nowadays seem to have a pretty strange attitude towards gifts: it's almost like they take offence at being given something, especially if that something isn't 100% customized to their taste. What Bebe says in the above comment about 'selfish' givers applies to recipients as well. Someone I know was given a wedding present that wasn't chosen from the registry, and her reaction was literally, 'How dare they? How can they be so selfish as to give me something I didn't particularly ask for?!'

A present is just a present, people. Like it, hate it, shrug your shoulders, pass it on, whatever. An unwanted gift is not a personal insult, and it shouldn't be that much of an annoyance either.

lurcher, you're right, but again, the question was "does an agent expect a gift?" and the answer is that it's better for all involved just to send a nice card instead. I honestly don't remember what happened to the steaks. It's really not a big deal either way, but the fact remains that it just would have been better without them.

A book sale is not a wedding, thank god. The "rules" for wedding gifts are downright pathological. That bride was offended the gift wasn't from the registry, this guest is offended there is a registry, that guest is offended there isn't a registry, your grandmother thinks you should have a registry but not mention it, someone else thinks you should include it in the invitation...ick.

I would like to add that if you absolutely must send your agent food, then simply ship some nonperishable, low sugar, nut and gluten-free vegan snacks. This should cover all the bases unless, of course, the agent is fasting. Even in that case, someone who fasts might be grateful to have some low-sugar vegan food on hand whenever she is done.

an-on-i-moose, the rejecter freely admits to being one step above an intern, working while attending grad school. So her youth IS an issue since, most people learn their craft well over a period of time. I didn't know as much about my industry my first year out of college as I did say, 5 years later. Rejecter's surgeon Dad was a better surgeon after 100 operations than he was at his first.

I hope she becomes as successulf as Snark. And I'll bet she does, having put this blog together and developing a nice persona for herself. But don't forget, you're not blogging with someone who is sharing years of experience. She's sharing opinions and observations gleaned over a matter of what, a year maybe?