The County Courthouse is where time goes to die.

Anyone who tried to do anything anywhere has probably spent some time at their local county courthouse. From voting, to getting license tags, to buying a house, to standing trial for a five-state-killing spree, the county courthouse is the official background for all legal matters.

And, because of that, it’s the most boring place in the world that isn’t your family reunion. Except that there’s beer at your family reunion, and there isn’t beer at the courthouse.

Yes, it’s a noble, identity-theft protection measure. But here’s the problem — courthouse public records have to be closed down until they are sanitized and made available again.

And that means tax assessor-collectors, county clerks, and district clerks across the state have shut down their offices until they can convert records, which brings business to a standstill. Or, alternately, they are painstakingly changing each record individually as it is requested and accessed.

Courthouse hallways have always been human holding cells. Now, they are like morgues where you wish you were dead.

Smart county judges will seize the moment and put a Starbucks kiosk and a gaming arcade in the courthouse lobbies, next to the metal detectors, to cash in on the waiting periods.

The sun rises. Weather changes. Television sucks. And now, this …

Today’s college students, the Associated Press reports, are more narcissistic and self-centered than their predecessors, according to a comprehensive new study by five psychologists who worry that the trend could be harmful to personal relationships and American society.

You could mention this to any college student, but as they started to tell you they already knew it, they’d interrupt themselves to shift the conversation to a discussion about their new shoes.

According to the Intertron lore, as well as this posted history, a Japanese video game company sold a game, Zero Wing, that had very bad English translations. The game tanked. The company folded.

Years later, message board users fondly remembered the game, and the geeks went to work quoting it, altering images from it, and doctoring photos by inserting references to the game’s most famous line. Eventually, someone with a lot of time on their hands put together the Flash-animated movie and accompanying song. It opens with scenes from the game and includes the doctored photos.

For a few months in 2000-2001, this was the hottest time-waster on the Interwebs. Gosh, we were stupid. But now, it’s nostalgic! Enjoy and bask in your inner geek.

Larry King lied!

For years, garlic made food taste better and gave you bad breath.

Then, came the belief that garlic made food taste better, gave you bad breath, but helped your heart’s health. An entire industry of garlic supplements was created. King famously peddled the pills — between Paul Harvey’s pointless anecdotes and Rush Limbaugh’s shameless self-promotion — to old timers who get their worldview defined by AM talk radio.

Now, Stanford University School of Medicine researchers say they can’t find any link between increased garlic intake and reduced levels of LDL cholesterol

In other words, garlic makes food taste better and gives you bad breath.

“If garlic was going to have a chance to work, it would have worked in this study,” researcher Christopher Gardner told the Associated Press.

But it didn’t.

He’s Eddie Murphy, damn it!

Not since Faith Hill’s eruption during a county music awards show — where Carrie Underwood got Faith’s award — has show biz seen a public display of, well, honest emotion like Eddie Murphy’s outburst at the Oscars .

Murphy was up for Best Supporting Actor for Dreamgirls, but lost out to Alan Arkin, who won for Little Miss Sunshine. Rather than act politely and feign support, FoxNews.com reported, Murphy got up and left.

If Murphy could bring that believability to his job, maybe he wouldn’t have to hide behind 200 pounds of latex to make money.