Jack Black Beard Lube

It gets cold in the great Alaskan forests. So cold that death feels warm. Cold does thing to a man: it pents up passions, creeps down hair follicles, makes the skin itch. It saps and drains. Even the most manly man — the lumberjack — must sometimes resort... on those bleak winter nights, as the frosty wind howls about him... to curling up into a fetal position to conserve warmth. Then, lubing up his great, bristly beard, he keeps it warm by cramming it deep up nature's pocket. Jack Black Beard Lube. Fifteen bucks a bottle. Transparent. Won't make a mess.
Jack Black Beard Lube [Amazon via Uncrate]

I’ve been using Kiehl’s Ultimate Brushless Shave Cream for about two years now. It’s about the same price as Jack Black’s, and it works a charm. They have two kinds, unscented (Blue Eagle) and hint of mint (Green Eagle). I love both, and the hint of mint stuff is super mild, but leaves your face feeling nice and cool. It doesn’t lather, and you don’t have to use much so the tube lasts a very long time.

I got turned on to Head Slick from the HeadBlade folks by Mr. Pescovitz, over on the flipside; I only use it on the lower front quadrant of my head, though. Works great, although harder to come by now that Walgreens has stopped carrying it most places. You have to like a company that sells after-[dome-]shaving lotion in matte and shiny variants, though.

I have used TurboShave from Woodridge Labs for some time now. I first bought it on an impulse at a Brookstone store at the mall (*hangs head in shame*), but it really is worth it.

In the shower, I get my face wet while washing as usual, then when I get out, squeeze out a cc of this stuff, smear it around (it does not foam up), shave, rinsing the razor as normal, then rubbing the remaining stuff into my face. No need for a washcloth or a towel.

One friend hates the stuff, though, says it’s too powerfully scented. I think it has a medicinal scent that dissipates quickly. It feels rather like the stuff that the lubricating strip on the fancy razors leave behind. (Yes, I have the Fusion Power. What the hell.)

A $15 tube (6 ounces) lasts a long time. I shave once or twice a week around the edges of a well-manicured short beard, and it lasts many months.

Apparently it’s about to be discontinued. I bought a case of 6 or whatever tubes for a discount a few years back. Figure I’m covered for the next decade or so.

(Yes, lady-readers, this is how men think about shaving. Intensely, until they find something they like, then as little as possible for as long as possible.)

I’ve taken to using simple olive oil as a shaving “cream”. The oil seems to give a closer, cleaner shave. I also shave in the shower, which helps soften the beard too. I no longer get nicks/cuts or shaving bumps EVER using this method. In order to see in the shower, I have one of those fog-free mirrors. I recommend this one, (which I bought almost 10 years ago by the way, so yes it is good stuff): http://www.showertek.com/

According to my significant other, who hijacked mine quite some time ago, it is amazing for beard shaving. Or in his case, keeping his metrosexual lumberjack look from becoming overtly crazed-woodsman like. It’s $12 for a 16 oz bottle, so significantly cheaper than Beard Lube and the pump makes one-handed use a cinch. However, it comes in pastel colors and will not make you feel like a dirty, dirty lumberjack.

Wow, there’s a whole new category of “useful knowledge I wish I could erase from my mind anyways”.

The oil thing works pretty well. King of Shaves sells a nice (and tiny) vial of oil that works great for traveling; you only need a few drops per shave. I shave in the shower, too, and I don’t even use a mirror at all. You can’t tell, either, unless you see me from head-on (uneven sideburns a little maybe).

Oh my God, I love Beard Lube. My wife’s salon gave me a couple of ketchup-packet samples of it and wow, it’s the first shaving goo I’ve found that doesn’t give me razor bumps and/or smell like chemical deodorant. $15 a tube seems horribly pricey but the tubes last me about six months shaving once a week. It is truly good stuff.