GayMormonMan PriesthoodMen

This is a blog of news and essays aimed toward gay Mormons who wish to hold the Priesthood of God honorably (Men) or to remain active members of the LDS Church (Men or Women), their family and friends, or anyone who has questions about what it is to be a faithful Mormon, or a Mormon questioning... and gay.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

This is the first chapter of "They that be with us -- Understanding the connection between being gay and being Mormon"

Chapter One: At least I was paying attention orWhat made me different?

Julie: I’ve heard it said by those who are
homosexual that they knew there was something different about them at an early
age. I mean to ask as many personal questions as I can be because I think it
will help others. How did it all happen to you, Calvin? What was different, and when did you notice
that difference?

Calvin: I tell people I had a normal childhood because for me it was normal. Singing to musicals and creating fashion shows
and magic acts was normal. Pretending to be a nun from the Sound of Music with
the fireplace hearth as a stage was normal. I didn’t know anyone else had it any
other way.

I only realized that life in
my home was a bit atypical when I associated with other boys at school, who, by
the way, did not dress up like nuns in their free time. I was raised in south
eastern Idaho where boys snowmobiled. They planted potatoes. They smacked each
other around. They did not re-decorate their bedroom and gold leaf old
furniture.

There was another difference
between them as a group and me. I was a Mormon. The LDS
conservative culture felt completely intrinsic - even instinctual for me. I did
what Mormons did. I knew all the well-loved and well used priesthood hymns and
could list them in order of their popularity. I prayed, I read scriptures, I
went to church.

I believed that the Church
of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was true. I hadn’t had a startling or
earth shattering chapel raising event that gave me that knowledge. My testimony
came quietly day by day. (Way too quietly for my taste if I may add). I asked
questions when I wanted to know something, but I never questioned. There was no
need. My understanding of the Church was sound. The Church was true, the sky
was blue, and Judy Garland was the greatest singer that ever lived.

I was smarter then. It
became way more complicated after puberty.

I knew about the practical
function of the Church as well, probably more than many of my siblings or
peers. Mine was not just an understanding of the church taken from books or filmstrips. I knew how it worked day to day - in the chapel and in the kitchen - because I payed attention to what people did, how they acted and what they said. Additionally, even though I was only nine and had yet to graduate
from primary’s CTR class, I was hanging with the older righteous dudes in
priesthood meeting - which kept me in tune and in sync with the culture and
traditions of the priesthood and must have affected me for relative good. I was
attending general priesthood meeting as a pre-priesthood-holder, tethered to my father’s side
because (I have since found out) I could not be left at home due to the fact that I was a
hellion.

.

If I had had my druthers, I
would have stayed at the home, watch Bewitched and painted my "I Dream of Jennie" bottle. But I had established a
reputation as a trouble inducer/maker/reveler. My mother begged my father to
take me anywhere for two hours to give her time to glue her hair back in.

It was while I was squished
between guys twice my size in white shirts and black nylon socks who smelled of
Brut -- or later on, Elisha -- (you will want to Google those) that I had my formal
introduction to the “thou shalt not’s” as presented by LDS general authorities
over the radio airwaves. In one of the first meetings, I remember the speakers
asking us to respect women and girls. I
nodded my head like the older guys around me and I vowed to do better. I had no idea what they were talking about.

Several priesthood meetings
later I realized that the G.A.s weren’t talking about hitting girls, but about
hitting on girls. The revered men from Crossroads of the West, in their subtle and genteel way,
were talking about sex.

As I reflect back, the G.A.s
didn’t really say the word “sex” right-out like they do today. They implied and
we inferred, and some immature fool in the back that no one could identify
giggled nervously. The effect was exactly what I imagine would have resulted
from a gallon of chloroform being poured into the church’s swamp cooler. I inhaled and then stopped breathing.

“Sex is for marriage” combined with “Respect
woman and girls” was the sage advice I heard over the pulpit -- officially.
Unofficially, sex seemed to be a whole different plate of potatoes.

Here is where it gets more
complicated. My mother - the one pasting her hair back in - died, and my
father remarried. This woman had also been married before and she brought with
her a new family with new challenges - just as you would expect. However,
stepmom’s ex-husband was a man who’d been excommunicated from the church for
being homosexual. He lost his membership in the Church and was no longer with
his family as a direct result of his being gay.

I, being semi-intelligent
and having a library card, was quick to both do the research and put two and
two together. So, in my first
real-life-math-story-problem, to be “homosexual” meant that a guy liked other
guys, not girls. And the feelings that I had were for guys, not girls. I was,
then, a homosexual. The LDS church - my church - excommunicated
homosexuals.

No wonder I don’t like math.

Julie: How could you realize your orientation so
young? It must have been more than a sexual thing, because at nine most
children aren’t thinking much about that stuff. I know I wasn’t.

Calvin: It’s true that my body was not responding to
sexual impulses at that point, which should have been my first clue that there
are many layers to SGAttraction – not just sex.
At nine years of age my feeling’s and yearning’s had not sexualized. The
feelings only became sexual when my body did at about age twelve or slightly
before.

I’m making it sound like
this all took place over one conference weekend, but it didn’t. Some of these
realizations were years in coming, and others I’m only just beginning to
understand.

Nevertheless, before I ever
had an image or a face to associate with sexual preference - before I
understood what sexual leanings and inclinations were - I somehow knew that I
preferred males. I’d had strong feelings of what I know now was homosexuality
before I ever heard the word presented or defined.

I can’t say my life changed
in those few days of discovery, though those days ended up being years long.
Life continued as it always had. I went to school, I came home. I mowed the
lawn on Saturdays and church was on Sunday and Tuesday.

“So kid, are there any cute girls in
your class?” a friend of my dad’s at
church asked me. No.

“I bet you are a real ladies man and
have to beat them off with a stick!” Not really.

“A tall kid like you! Are you on the basketball team? You like to shoot hoops, right?” Nope.

“You like the Jazz?” Vocal,
yes, but instrumental drives me a little crazy..

“What are you, a fag?” You’re
not very compassionate but at least you’re paying attention.

What I do know is this. Femininity
was my default; it was my home page. I had femininity in spades. In
stereotypical personality traits, in obvious talents and abilities there was no
question. It was the masculine that I
yearned for. I craved manliness. I wanted to emulate it. I wanted to be
it. I wanted to be touched in affection
by another guy. I was even willing to get beat up or made fun of, or wrongfully
used in order to have that attention.

Julie: Because of that you
realized that you were gay?

Calvin: Good choice of
words. Many would say that it was at this point that I decided to be gay, but
being gay wasn’t a decision to make or not make (as those not-in-my-shoes often
suggest). It was an awareness, a
discovery. There wasn’t a moment where I was presented with the option and made
a choice - guys over girls. There was no
“today I am going to be gay” moment - the kind I have heard told by men wearing
ties and holding degrees. If that were the case then there would have been an
equal “today I am not going to be gay” moment.

Girls, as kind and
well-meaning as they were, were never in the running.

Julie: Was it a relief then
to understand what you were feeling?

Calvin: You would think so, that being able to put a
name to it would have helped. I suppose in a way it did. However I realized
immediately what the label meant. I went from the apparent sexually ambiguous
frying pan to a giant gay furnace fire that bellowed black toxic fumes.

Have you read any psychology
articles from the eighties? I did. I actually read them in the eighties as a
matter of fact. There was no Internet. There was the library. I was armed with
a library card and I knew how to use it. Everything I read confirmed what I had
heard. To be homosexual, as per a very thick book, was to be depraved and
deviant. I went from considering myself
as a nice though somewhat unmanageable young man to someone who was deviant,
derelict and a few other “d” words.

After that revelation there
were moments of incredible panic. I was on the wrong road. I had always thought
I was on the straight and narrow, but no.
Straight was the “straight and narrow”, and gay was not “the way”.

Julie: It sounds like you were dealing with huge
issues all by yourself. Couldn’t you have talked to someone like your bishop,
your parents, or even a school counselor? Surely the late seventies and
eighties weren’t all that pre-historic.

Calvin: You’d be surprised. The
thought to talk to someone didn’t enter my mind. Counselors were people paid by
other people to get to your secrets. I once had a counselor call me into his
office at school (which had more to do with me falling asleep in the choir
practice room every day for two weeks than it did trying to peg me down on my
sexual preference). But the meeting was as clinical as it was brief. My
problems were attributed to fallout from my mother’s death. He flippantly
warned me not to masturbate, to stop sleeping in the practice room and then he
dismissed me in order to take a personal call. I suppose I was then checked off
of his list of things to do.

Church leaders as far as
confidants were concerned were out as well.
I saw how the homosexual ex-husband I mentioned earlier had been treated
by the Church, and heard how he was being spoken about in the circles of members
of the Church. I met him on a few family occasions and thought he was a nice
guy. I liked his shoes. What I knew of his experience taught me that I was
going to have to work my way through being a homosexual Mormon all by myself
because anyone finding out that I was gay was not an alternative.

Gay was “not clean”. Gay was
way-out in the deep end. Gay was the hands in the muddy water that pulled you
away from the iron rod.

Julie: There are a lot of
theories about why some people develop homosexual feelings and others don’t.
I’ve heard it blamed on sexual abuse or being too connected to mom instead of
dad. What do you think caused you to have these feelings?

Calvin: I’ve read the theories, too. I find them both
enlightening and confusing. I myself fit
snugly into many homosexual stereotypes and don’t come anywhere close to
others. The latest theory is that if I was preceded by several boys
having gone before me through the womb, then chances are that I would be a
homosexual. But I was the first boy, so…

On top of it all, I didn’t know then and
don’t know now which of my many problems were caused by a wacko adolescence and
which of my many other problems were a direct result of homosexuality. I may
never know. But that doesn’t mean I am powerless or picked on nor does it make
me a second class Latter-day Saint either.

Julie: How did you balance
your homosexual feelings with your belief in the teachings of the church?

Calvin: I don’t know that I did until my late
thirties. There was no balance or equilibrium.
Sometimes I leaned one way, and the next month I leaned another. I
didn’t know how to balance, or if I should even try to. When I was involved
with one, the only way to survive was to ignore the existence of the other, and
I got really good at flipping back and forth.

Let me be clearer. I put my
baptismal document, my primary awards for memorizing the Articles of Faith, my
ordination to the priesthood certificate and many other records in a scrap book
so I could later appreciate that I had done things the Church way and that I
had indeed chosen right. I went to my meetings and attended seminary during the
week. I went on a mission and worked as hard as tall skinny guys can. I came
home and dated some really nice Ricks College girls without a thought to marry
any of them. I hung out with theatre people. I went to BYU, worked
professionally as an actor and singer, and started getting a name in the arts.
Then suddenly I went directly off the deep end.

The deep end, incidentally,
can be exactly as muddy, filthy and… well, deep, as the implication in 1st
Nephi. “…and the depths thereof are the
depths of hell…
that they perish and are lost.” It was not where I wanted to be.

Julie: What brought you back to the church?

Calvin: My decision was ultimately between living as
an actively gay man (homosexualy-active, male partner, no church), or as an
actively Mormon man (Church, not homosexualy active). When it came
time to do or die, I didn’t want to die the way I had been living. I ultimately
went with my heart, and my heart was firmly planted not only in the gospel of Jesus
Christ, but in His church - even when my body was off being promiscuous.

I left Church activity
briefly because of the priesthood. Being gay and not having the priesthood was
painful to consider, and I knew I could not have pre-marital sex and hold the
priesthood. Living a gay life meant that the priesthood would be something I
couldn’t touch. When I came back to church activity it was because I wanted the
blessings of the priesthood and to know that I was obeying my Father in Heaven more than I wanted to live a gay lifestyle.

I wanted the Melchizedekpriesthood more than I wanted to have
sex.

Today I am still as much a
part of Mormon-land as I ever was back in south eastern Idaho in the 80’s - even
with a documented past that is not ready for the Ensign. While I may not be the
best to articulate the plots or plight of either LDS men or homosexuals, I know
my way around the proverbial block. I know both sides of the street.

Julie: You’re married and have a family now, right?

Calvin: Yes, both. I made the decision to marry, and
I found someone who was more forgiving than I could have ever imagined. As a husband and a father there are some
things I do well, and other things I don’t do so well. I have strengths and
weakness like anyone else I suppose. Of
course my wife knows about my sojourn, and so have my previous bishops. Our new
bishop doesn’t have any reason to know thanks to the question “Is there
anything you need to clear up that you haven’t already taken care of?” Marriage
has been good to me and we will touch on that later.

Julie: I’ve got my parent hat on for this question. What
could your parent’s have done to make the road easier? Short of tying my son
Sean up in the basement for the duration of his life, I’m constantly trying to
think of ways to help him without infringing on his agency.

Calvin: A good half of this book is my response to
that question - what could those in positions of authority have done to make it
easier - bishops, parents, friends, etc. Frankly, good parenting is good parenting. One should do all the things that one knows how to do and has been doing for years; Talking, loving, praying, teaching kids how to be responsible, being proud of who you are and who they are. I didn't get that. Looking back at what I want through, I see that I just wanted to scream for help, and when I didn't get it I ended up screaming at everything.

Part of Heavenly Fathers
answer to me, as I see now, was that I needed to gain strength by helping
myself. Could I have made the changes I made if I hadn’t figured a few things
out on my own? I don’t think so. There were things I had to discover for
myself.

Had my parents or any youth
leader pulled me aside and spoken to me about homosexuality I may have just
died on the spot, and I definitely would have slunk out of the building and
cried in shame or disappeared into denial. But after the drama was over I may
have thrived.

I will say this to parents;
Regardless of your situation, please watch what you say. I became aware of my
parents distaste for homosexuals at the same time I became aware that I was
one. It’s very tough to come back to your child after years of distaste and
disapproval and have any credibility as a parent.

Monday, December 5, 2016

I am dividing the new book up in chapters and presenting them here on the blog. Feel free to comment in the notes, or contact me at calvinthompson.cal@gmail.com.

Preface: A few principals upon which everything we
believe is based

Calvin: As with most of my
meaningful encounters, Julie and her husband and my wife and I were brought
together by food. It was a family dinner invitation under the guise of a “get
to know you”. It was over desert that we realized that we had something other
than a new ward and a love for eating in common. In our own private lives,
Julie and I were both dealing with homosexuality; I was gay, and she had
recently found out her son was as well.

Julie and I come from
dissimilar backgrounds and we have singularly different approaches to living
and writing. We will not attempt to blend our styles because we hope that in
keeping our unique perspectives we can act as Velcro; I have the rough edges
and she the smooth soft side. Neither
side works effectively alone.

There are a few assumptions
or suppositions - five, actually - that we as a team have made in the
researching, writing, rewriting and subsequent reworking of this book. They are
fundamental enough that each and every point we will be making is contingent on
one or all of the following.

1) The first assumption is,
of course, that homosexuality is somehow and to some degree an issue for you or
for someone you either love or are required to tolerate.

Julie: More and more I am
running into people - parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends
- who have someone in their immediate circle that is dealing with SGA and they
are confused. As members of the LDS church we have very strong beliefs in what
is right and what is wrong, but as family and friends, we hate to see our loved
ones hurting and struggling with something we don’t completely understand. We
need answers.

This brings us to the second
principal.

2) God is God - all knowing,
all powerful and unchanging. We do not know everything. Not having to know all
the answers but trusting that someone has them is liberating. Answers are
available, and as we grow and progress and seek truth they will be revealed to
us.

Our Heavenly Father has the
power to heal and reveal, to mend and make whole. He knows us and is aware of
our quirks, trials, our successes and failures.
He knows what is on our I Pod and on our Google search. God, who is our
Heavenly Father, loves us and wants to share with us all that He has - such as
His love, His power and His knowledge. All three are quite formidable.

God’s abilities are
limitless. He is able and has the means - both power and knowledge - to keep us
safe. Because we know this we know that the situations we face will be for our
good and are ultimately in his control. As writers and collaborators, every
point Julie and I make is based on this truth and will resonate if we remember
this; God has our back - even if we don’t see Him, or hear Him.

3) The third fundamental is
that Jesus is the Christ, and that as our Lord and Savior He has made
repentance possible. Jesus is Jehovah of the Old Testament. He left our Father from on high and lowered
himself to come to earth. He alone was the perfect man capable of carrying out
the atonement - the only being “at one” - signifying the act of unifying or
reconciling that which has been separated (in this case God and us)

.

The atonement of Jesus
Christ was necessary to overcome both physical and spiritual death - physical
death by guaranteeing our direct involvement in the resurrection, and spiritual
death by providing a way for us to return to the presence of God. Because of
the sacrifice of His life, all people will be resurrected. Because of His
atonement, we who sin can be clean and may receive the gift of eternal life
with God.

Calvin: The Savior didn’t do it for fame, a promise
of stardom, or to bind us to Him, though thankfully, we are bound. I can’t
imagine being bound to someone I genuinely love and respect more. He did it
because He loved us and He loved His Father.

“For behold, I...have
suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer...even as I”

There is none equal to Him.
We honor Him.

4) The forth indisputable
fact is that Satan and his influences are real.

Julie: Satan wanted to
control us from the very beginning, to compel us to worship him. His methods haven’t changed in the many years
since. While our Heavenly Father will never force us to do anything, Satan has
no such scruples. He aims for power over us and to deprive us of agency.

Satan was a control freak in
the pre-existence and he is even more so now. He traps, binds and would force
us to give up our freedom so he can sift us as wheat or do as he would with us.
He has an answer for all he does - a perversion for everything pure. If it
exists in righteousness then he has his own version that is immoral and foul.
He is not the inconsequential mischievous Halloween fodder he has been made out
to be. He wants to demolish and destroy all that Father has.

What Father has is us.

Calvin: Satan is the opposite
in every way from our Savior. He too has priesthood power, though his is dark
and selfish. But our Savior’s priesthood power comes from our Heavenly Father
and is stronger than that of the devil. I have had personal confirmation of
that. When we live as the Savior has asked we have access to God’s power.
Having authority through the Savior and ability to use Gods priesthood will
thwart Satan’s plans for our destruction.

5) Lastly, we know that
Latter-day Saint prophets speak for the Lord in our day. Christ, who is at the head of His Church, has
not left us alone during our stay here on earth. He speaks to us and guides us
by way of his spokesmen on earth who are modern day prophets -- just as He did
in days of old. His word will be disclosed, and, “…He will yet reveal
many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.”

We believe that the words of
the modern day prophets when they speak for and to the body of the church are
the word of the Savior just as those contained in the scriptures.

____________________________

These are our essential
suppositions -- the core issues which are the foundation of our lives
and, consequently, of this book.

We witness to these
truths. If you do not have knowledge of
these certainties for yourself then come and sit on our porch for a while. You can stay as long as you choose, and you
can borrow a little of our testimony until yours is stronger.

We have enough to share.

Stay tuned for more of "They That Be With Us -- The Connection Between Gay and Mormon"

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Be forewarned that it's not the Big Gay Ex-Mormon book. It's for those who are gay and Mormon; Full-fledged and true blue. I am going to post each chapter on this blog starting with the intro. I am happy for comments either at the end of each post or sent to my Gmail account calvinthompson.cal@gmail.com.

Here goes...

They That Be With Us

Acknowledging the connection between Gay and Mormon

By Calvin Thompson and Julie Martin

By way of introduction

No
righteous person will be denied any blessings which come from God. We have no
control over the heartbeats or the affections of men [or women], but pray that
you may find fulfillment. And in the meantime, we promise you that insofar as
eternity is concerned, no soul will be deprived of rich and high and eternal
blessings for anything which that person could not help, that the Lord never
fails in his promises, and that every righteous person will receive eventually
all to which the person is entitled and which he or she has not forfeited
through any fault of his or her own. - Spencer
W. Kimball

Calvin: First on the list of
qualifications to write this book, were I hiring someone, is that the author
would have to be a Mormon -- a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints. He couldn’t be someone who doubted, who was half in or half
out, who was fine with doctrine as it currently stands, but could see the day
when “things from Salt Lake get a little out of control”.

A returned missionary would
be nice -- one who knows his way around a road-show, a stake conference, and
who has been battered around in church ball. Being born in the church would be
a plus, or the budding author could make up for it by being a quick study.

He must believe in the
divinity of Jesus Christ and in the restoration of the gospel. He should have
gone to BYU on a musical theater scholarship as well. Knowing the cultural
vernacular would be crucial to help him connect with his readers, and a love
for the priesthood is not optional. He should be able to keep his sense of
humor in check and his tongue occasionally in cheek.

And he would need to be gay.

I have waited years for someone
to write that book -- one that sheds light on my situation. Surely, I thought,
someone owning a pen or a printer has shared my same state of affairs and could
put in writing their wisdom so I wouldn’t have to reinvent the proverbial
wheel.

I would have worn a clever
disguise into the bookstore and purchased that book. Then I would have ripped
off its cover and duct taped it into my Especially for Mormons anthology and
hidden it behind the oak paneling in my room. I would not have taken the chance
that anyone could have seen me carry such a book around or found it in my
possession and pegged me an issue man. I would have been mortified.

Issue man -- that’s what I call
those like me. I gave the status that label so that I wouldn’t have to say the
word “gay” even in my head. We issue men
were rarely spoken of as I was growing up and when we were we were considered a
fringe element. When I did hear the word
“gay” it was associated with “perverted”, “distorted”, or “defective”. And the word “excommunication” was never far
behind.

So I became silent on the
issue of issue men. I bottled up whatever it was that I was, and sat in on a
low shelf -- not the high one where my dreams were all laid out -- my dreams of
a mission call, a wife and family, and a “happily ever after”.

When it blew up there was no
time for setting issues on shelves or hiding them in closets. There were no
shelves or closets left. Slowly I had to
deal with facts. As I slowly came out it
was just as shocking for my “issue” friends to discover that I had a testimony
of the gospel as it was for my church friends to discover that I had this issue.
The big gay issue.

While I waited for someone
to write the book I quite unintentionally became a subject-matter expert. I became the poster child for gay married
Mormons. If I were a bit nicer looking I might have considered putting my face
on the book cover. But that is not necessary.
You have someone in your life already who could be on the cover. Picture
them.

Today I hold a temple
recommend and I try to be worthy every day to actively use the Lord’s
priesthood. I want the blessings my Father in Heaven intended for me and every
other man and woman to have. When I read the scriptures or listen to conference
and hear the promises made to those who follow the commandments, I count myself
in. I am the kind of person that hopes
that the prodigal son can return.

So I will write of the
atonement or at least my personal knowledge of it; I could jump on that
trampoline all day. And, I will write of
a few of the challenges I have faced as a gay Mormon man using the words I
have.

The pitfalls in putting this
to paper are many. I am a little
nervous.

Introducing
Julie Martin

If you met me at Church I
probably wouldn’t stand out as any one unusual. Like most of you I struggle
with my weight, worry about my children, love and support my husband and try to
get my visiting teaching done before the last week of the month. I don’t always
get two prayers in a day, but I try really hard to at least open my scriptures
before I start cleaning up the breakfast dishes. And, I have a son who is
homosexual.

For years before Sean
officially came out, there were lots of signs that should have alerted his
father and I to the fact that something was up, but we didn’t want to see them
or even think of it as a possibility. And when at last we were confronted with
the undeniable truth, my world fell apart, crashing around me like a thousand
piece jigsaw puzzle that had suddenly been turned on its side.

I love my son with all my
heart, and yet I did everything in my power to rescue him from this homosexual
thing. I argued with him, bribed him, threatened, teased, mocked and harassed.
I justified these behaviors because I felt I was trying to save his life and
protect our eternal relationship as a forever family. In the process I nearly
destroyed my relationship with him. Eventually I had to accept the fact that
there was nothing I could do to change Sean or make it all better.

I carry this secret inside
of my heart, and I mourn the loss of my dreams and desires for him. I try hard
to understand the choices he is making in his life, and have learned great
lessons in patience and hope. But mostly, I just love my son, and I hope that
however this story plays out tomorrow and for the eternities, this will be
enough.

There are a lot of mothers
and fathers just like me - I am finding out - trying to faithfully raise their
families in righteousness while struggling with a child who’s dealing with
feelings that I don’t understand. Parents
who have children who are homosexual, can feel particularly isolated. There’s a
perceived dark shadow associated that is difficult to see through, and a sense
of secrecy that forces us to keep our child’s problems safe from the judgment
and censure of those around us.

“Sure Sean, you can bring one of your friends
to the ward pool party, but please choose one who looks more… well, one who
doesn’t wear a tight tank top… okay, and wear your boring shoes. Oh, my.”

My objective in writing this
book is to share the things I’ve learned over this journey, and outline a few
things I still don’t get. Perhaps I can save other parents some of the needless
heartache I’ve suffered through, and maybe share comfort with those who are
hurting.

And
now, together

According to the information
we have been privy to, and based on our own personal experience, there seems to
be many more in the LDS Church who are dealing with homosexuality in some
respect than had been previously realized.

In 2010, LDS Family Services
estimated that there are four or five members in every ward of the Church
dealing with what they called “…same-sex attraction problems”. Usually half of
those individuals are married (most are temple marriages) and have
children. From experience, Julie and I
feel that these are conservative estimates.
Individuals dealing with same gender attraction in the LDS church when
interviewed tend to be less vocal than their counterparts outside of the
church. And these numbers do not deal with those affected by someone
SGAttracted, such as a friend or relative.

Calvin: This is a good time
to make it plain that both Julie and I write under pseudonyms. Personally, I am
happy to be both “out” and “in”; “out” as a Mormon man who is same gender
attracted, and “in” the Mormon Church with all my heart. However, we both have
families who aren’t all that comfortable putting their lives on display for
public examination where they would be susceptible to the whims and whines of
the world. Our family’s safety, comfort,
and well-being is worth more to us than any credit/blame or personal
recognition positive or negative.

Our families come first.

We don’t know why
some individuals have a propensity toward same gender attraction -- read; are gay. We do know
that like any other challenge, Heavenly Father is willing to support
and help His children as they seek to overcome or work through anything in
life considered an obstacle. We make a point of this because there are those who consider homosexuality an
obstacle in some way and it is to them that we write.

Regardless of your current
vantage, we hope that your outlook will widen and your understanding will be
increased – that you will discover something you didn’t know before reading
this book, and that something will be good. There may be no amazing or
startling new concepts, quick fixes or cures contained in these pages. But we
can promise a lot of ideas, ways to cope and an interesting relevant story or
two.

A Reasonable Facsimile

This is not a gay blog!

OK, yes it is. But it is also a Mormon blog and a blog for priesthood men who honor their priesthood and wish to keep the LDS church an active part of their lives. I am all three... four. Five?

I am an active MarMoHo, a married Mormon homosexual. I have a temple recommend that I received honestly. I supportthe LDS church and the words of a living prophet. I support people who are gay. It can be done.

Apology for the ad below

Please forgive me if there is an ad in the space below is inappropriate. I am trying to figure out how to block the ads I don't wish to display. They pay for the ice in my Diet Coke

Cal Thompson

Followers

Gay Mormon men who cherish the priesthood and would like to honor their commitments!

Please be aware of sites on the blog-o-sphere that claim to be sympathetic to the teachings of the prophets. Some very well may be. Others are simple journal entries annotating the experiences of an individual with various degrees of success and or promiscuity. Not all can be as wonderful as mine. I hate to sound like the church lady, but chose your blogs and your friends wisely.

And eat your vegetables.

And Fruits!

About Me

I write under the name of Calvin Thompson. I am a creative, accountable, and loving man. I am a Mormon who is also gay. I am married and have 3 children. My bishop is in-the-know, and so is my wife and several of my close family members. I consider myself to be a closet conservative, which is not as strange or as un-popular as you might think, and will be increasingly popular as a growing number of the left improves it's proverbial and literal aim.
I believe that LDS people are Democrats in action - as in they try to take care of people, but Republicans in name - they want to do it themselves without regulation.
I believe that the messier the fridge, the happier the family, but I still have a hard time not straightening it because I'm a control freak. My wife knows I blog, and that I am writing a book – I try to keep things as above board as I can without setting myself up for public ridicule.

"Chastity is sexual purity. Those who are chaste are morally clean in their thoughts, words, and actions. Chasitity means not having any sexual relations before marriage. It also means complete fidelity to husband or wife during marriage."

I order to better understand one another, I think it would be wise to understand the terms used in these essays. What I propose is an Examination for Discovery, which is briefly a meeting of the opposing sides in a lawsuit where the plaintiff and defendant, with their attorneys, meet to examine each others claims and see whether they can find some area of agreement and thus save the time of the court later on. This is assuming that there is common ground, and I believe that even the most cynical of us would agree that there is.

It will be hard to understand one another if you think blue is periwinkle and I think blue is turquoise. I know that the differences may not be a big deal - between periwinkle and turquoise - but I think its best to be incredibly clear. We both may disagree on what blue is, but, for purposes of communication, we will use the terms as listed here - adding when needed.

Of coarse they may be subject to change and/or refinement with experience and further knowledge – and with feedback. Being that this is a blog and not a diatribe, I get to lead I suppose.

List of Common Terms On Which We May Agreeor Agree To Agree On For Sake of Discussion*

For sensitivity reasons we wanted to run this list past my Gramma Ruby, which would have been really helpful not to mention miraculous because she died at an Elizabeth Dole Rally in Boise)

Active: 1) A lifestyle characterized by frequent or various social, intellectual, and particularly physical activities; 2) In geology, a volcano which erupts regularly; 3) A member of the LDS Church who is often seen carrying brownies, scriptures or children back and forth to Church.

Affirmation: 1) A positive assertion. 2) An organization for LDS homosexuals and the people that love them, but not affiliated or supported by the LDS Church.

Sentence: Falling off of the stage was the affirmation she needed to confirm the universality of gravity.

Sentence: The LDS SGA think OGA from ID, WO and MT dress like the NFL.

Beehive: 1) Home to bees, 2) A height-positive sixties hair style which many Mormon women continued to wear through the seventies and into late nineties and early 00’s with a slight revamp; 3) Young woman’s organization of girls who can’t drive yet.

Choice: 1) A decision between two or more option, and often referred to as free agency, personal rights and freedom.

Sentence: The choice for Juan Carlo was to either be eaten alive by the anaconda or jump from the boat into the mouth of the hungry crocodile.

Church: 1) An identifiable religious body under a common name; 2) a physical structure often equipped with a satellite dish, food warming area and an indoor basketball court.

Sentence: The ambulance and two squad cars were sent to the ball game at the Church between the elders and the priests due to last year’s “incident.”

Closet: 1) Upright storage space for clothing; 2) Slang reference to the status of an individual wishing to remain private about his/her sex life and who hasn’t acknowledged their SGA feelings yet to friends and family members.

Sentence: He had been in the closet so long he smelled like cedar and old shoes.

Coming Out: 1) The act of leaving a building or structure. 2) The process of telling people about one’s homosexuality is often referred to as coming out.

Conversion therapy, or reparative therapy or reorientation therapy: 1) A type of sexual orientation change effort that attempts to change the sexual orientation of a person from homosexual or bisexual to heterosexual. In the past techniques have included psychoanalytic group therapy involving aversive conditioning, electric shock or nausea-inducing drugs, and may have included sex therapy. Today there seems to be a more subtle and genteel approach which is being met with more success,

Down Low or DL : 1)This term means different things to different people, however generally it connotes dishonesty and hiding. 2) A term for men who discreetly have sex with other men while in marital relationships with women. Often these men do not consider themselves homosexual or bisexual, and their female partners are generally not aware of these infidelities.

Ex-Gay: Term for those who have experienced SGAttraction and who, for religious or other reasons, have chosen not to embrace a gay identity, or to engage in SGA behavior.

Family Group Sheets: 1) Forms used in annotating genealogy; 2) Money saving tactics for Mormon families at bedtime.

Sentence: Laverne and Lavelle grab your sister and a family group sheet and get you off to bed.

Families are Forever: 1) LDS catch phrase originating in the early eighties - referring to the belief that temple sealed families created on earth can move into the next life together. 2) The prevalent attitude after two weeks of dealing with the new in-laws.

Sentence: Did you hear our new sister-in-law-sing the Duran-Duran Medley? Are families really forever?

Folk Doctrine: 1) Doctrines that develop from prevailing rumor.

Sentence: Three stakes in Pocatello have been asked to spear-head a pilot program for the Churches new Work and Glory aerobics program.

Gay: 1) A happy and joyful method of celebrating holidays often sung about in English Carols and Fred Astaire films. 2) A common term for an individual attracted to their same gender. Gay has been a widely used synonym of "male homosexual." Its meaning is rapidly evolving to refer to both male and female homosexuals. Some people differentiate between homosexual and gay: homosexual is regarded as a sexual orientation; gay is a political identity -- i.e. an advocate for equal rights for persons of all sexual orientations

Gender: 1) The set of characteristics that distinguish between female and male members of a species. It is often used interchangeably with the word "sex" denoting the condition of being male or female.

Genealogy: 1) An activity Mormons do happily while praying to hook up with a distant relative who has done all the work.

Sentence: Brother The-Hun was a bit disturbed when his grandma showed him his genealogy line went directly to some guy named Attila.

Heterosexual: 1) People whose emotional, sexual and romantic feelings are primarily for those of the opposite sex or having to do with opposite sex attraction.

Homophobia: 1) An irrational fear, prejudice or discrimination towards homosexuals. Homophobia can take many forms, from name-calling and teasing to serious crimes like assault and murder. Homophobia like other irrational fears is most often based on ignorance.

Homosexual: 1) People whose emotional, sexual and romantic feelings are primarily for those of the same sex or having to do with same sex attraction.

In: See out.

Last days: 1) A horrific time of floods, famines, political strife and food storage eating – much like yesterday.

Sentence: The last days of a back to school sale appear to be frequented by women on a weekend pass from the state hospital.

Lesbian: Term to describe sexual and romantic desire between females.

Lifestyle: The term lifestyle (as in gay lifestyle) has become a polarizing term though used by gay and lesbian people in the past. “Those in the lifestyle” usually means “those who identify as gay", though it may refer to behavior as well as identity - much as LDS lifestyle would mean those living the teachings or of the culture, or East Coast Lifestyle may refer to black turtle necks, bookstores and apartment living.

Many are called, but few are chosen: 1) What I keep telling myself when I am asked to be on the ward activities committee again.

Mixed Marriage: For our purposes here, a union between one of “heterosexual” orientation with one dealing with SGA.

Out: See in.

Prophet: 1) A man called of God who holds the keys to direct the Church and to speak for Jesus Christ. The President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a chosen prophet, seer and revelator.

SSA: 1) Acronym for Same Sex Attraction. The LDS Church prefers SGA, (which I always thought stood for Star Gate Atlantis reruns) but actually means Same Gender Attraction. SSA and SGA are terms not highly favored among the gay community. Neither, for that matter, is the phrase “gay community”.

Sentence: ST-TNG and SGA are playing all week on SI-FI.

Sin: To behave in a manner that is contrary to the revealed commandments of God.

Transgendered: A designation of person whose identity does not conform to conventional notions of male or female gender roles.

Quotes, Quotation Marks: Tool used to set apart a word or phrase. For our purposes here, generally speaking, using quotation marks to denote words such as “gay” or “homosexual” is offensive. If you are not comfortable with using a term from the “so-called other side”, then it is recommended that a substitute which doesn't involve quote marks is found.

Sentence: I am offended that “he” just used quotations on the phrase other side.

Straight: 1) A direction which veers neither to the left or the right. 2) A slang term used in the place of heterosexual.

Sentence: The geography club, Straights of Magellan is not accepting new members.

Strait is the gate and narrow is the way: 1) Popular scripture quote used to encourage righteous living and weight loss.

Tithing: 1) One tenth of one’s income donated voluntarily to the LDS Church for upkeep and needed things.

Sentence: Ten percent of nothing is still nothing.

Urim and Thummim: 1) Tool used by Joseph Smith to translate the Book of Mormon. 2) What I wish I had to understand my kids text messages.

Wickedness Never Was Happiness: 1) What Cal’s first missionary companion in the MTC from Macon Georga wrote on his left bicep with a sharpie when visas to Central America didn’t come through on time. 2) Comment made by those on their way to Church when a boat or motor-home pulls up in the next lane of traffic.

Preference,not Principal

Blue shirts, red ties, dark nylon socks...

This is a blog for Mormon SSA* men who wish to follow the teachings of the LDS church while owning their Homosexuality. It can be done! This blog-spot is written by a sort-of smart gay man who is a card-carrying member of the LDS church and hopes to remain so. He will remain so by following the teachings of the prophets. His motto for today is "Many a true word spoken in jest," and he will try to not be so charming.

Mr. Thompson thinks he knows just about everything. Lately, it has been proposed that he may, in actuality, not. He is trying to be open to that thought.

Mother Teresa

Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents. Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of peace of the world