YOUKILIS? SOUNDS A LOT LIKE DUKAKIS, AMIRITE HERE? NOT ONE OF US.
HERE'S AN ILL-ADVISED PICTURE OF YOUKILIS IN A SHERMAN TANK, ILLUSTRATING HOW ILL-EQUIPPED HE IS TO LEAD OUR COUNTRY-SLASH-BASEBALL-TEAM

THOSE MORMONS WITH THEIR INFLATED OFFENSES IN SALT LAKE CITY THINK THAT ANYTHING LESS THAN A 1.000 SLG IS A SLUMP WHICH IS WHY ROMNEY WAS AGAINST MIKE TROUT BEING PROMOTED TO A MAJOR LEAGUE TEAM IN THE REPUBLICAN STATE OF CALIFORNIA!

IT'S A LIBERAL CONSPIRACY! SOX TRADING WITH SOX! YOUKILIS IS A PAWN IN A SOX TRADE BETWEEN TWO LIBERAL CITIES WITH BLEEDING HEART LIBERALS TRYING TO OUT SCREW EACH OTHER!CLARK HOWARD AND DAVE RAMSEY BOTH THINK THIS IS A ONE SIDED DEAL, SO IT HAS TO BE A CONSPIRACY! GO SOX!

Newt Gingrich:
"THE RED SOX SHOULD GET RID OF YOUKILIS, HAVE ONE MASTER JANITOR, AND PAY LOCAL STUDENTS TWO DOLLARS AN HOUR TO PLAY FOR THE TEAM. THE KIDS WOULD ACTUALLY DO WORK; THEY'D HAVE CASH, THEY'D HAVE PRIDE IN THE RED SOX."
Rick Santorum:
"IT'S NOT, YOU KNOW, MAN ON CHILD, MAN ON DOG, MAN ON YOUKILIS, WHATEVER THE CASE MAY BE"
Michelle Bachman:
"I WILL TELL YOU THAT I HAD A MOTHER LAST NIGHT COME UP TO ME AFTER THE DEBATE. SHE TOLD ME THAT KEVIN YOUKILIS TOOK THAT VACCINE, THAT INJECTION, AND HE SUFFERED FROM MENTAL RETARDATION EVER SINCE."
Rick Perry:
"THREE GUYS WITH THE RED SOX, WHEN I GET THERE, THAT ARE GONE: KEVIN YOUKILIS, THEO EPSTEIN, AND -- WHO'S THE THIRD ONE THERE? LET'S SEE -- OK. SO YOUKILIS, EPSTEIN AND -- THE THIRD ONE -- YOUKILIS, EPSTEIN, AND -- I CAN'T. SORRY. OOPS."
Florida Rep. Alan West:
"KEVIN YOUKILIS SHOULD GET THE HELL OUT OF THE BOSTON, AND YES I SAID HELL!"
Herman Cain:
"OK, YOUKILIS. [pause] PRESIDENT OBAMA SUPPORTED THE TRADE, RIGHT? PRESIDENT OBAMA CALLED FOR THE REMOVAL OF YOUKILIS. I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME THING BEFORE I SAY, 'YES, I AGREED' OR NO I DIDN'T AGREE.'
I DO NOT AGREE WITH THE WAY OBAMA HANDLED YOUKILIS FOR THE FOLLOWING REASON â€” NOPE, THAT'S A DIFFERENT ONE. [pause] I GOTTA GO BACK AND SEE. I GOT ALL THIS STUFF ABOUT YOUKILIS TWIRLING AROUND IN MY HEAD."
More Herman Cain:
"E-9, E-9, E-9."
Sarah Palin:
"I CAN SEE KEVIN YOUKILIS FROM MY BACK YARD."
John McCain:
"KEVIN YOUKILIS IS ABOUT TO CRATER."
And of course, Mitt Romney:
"I LIKE FIRING KEVIN YOUKILIS."

Former Presidents:
George W. Bush: "I'M TELLING YOU THERE'S AN ENEMY THAT WOULD LIKE TO ATTACK AMERICA, AMERICANS, AGAIN! THERE JUST IS! THAT'S THE REALITY OF THE WORLD. AND I WISH HIM THE BEST!" (sometimes, direct quotes ar the funniest)
Bill Clinton: "I DID NOT HAVE TRADE RELATIONS WITH THE WHITE SOX."
George H.W. Bush: "READ MY LIPS, NO MORE YOUK!"
Ronald Reagan: "I WONDER AT TIMES WHAT THE TEN COMMANDMENTS WOULD HAVE LOOKED LIKE IF YOUKILIS HAD RUN THEM THROUGH THE US CONGRESS"