NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Is In Love With You And Also The Form 6

+ At the Rumpus, Emily Rapp has an essay about dirty/clean, sex, tragedy, dating and directness:

“Early this year I had a conversation with two good friends who are also writers. We were talking about how a person ‘presents’ him or herself and about general perversion and who gets to draw the line and why, and we were categorizing one another. ‘Are you dirty, clean, clean/dirty, or dirty/clean?’ The categories had less to do with actual practice than with vibe (and nothing to do with hygiene, except that if you are actually dirty, you are not really capable of being classified as clean). But someone who presents as outwardly edgy and pervy might be secretly shy in the bedroom; someone who presents as generally a bit uptight or conservative might love trash talk in bed. Clean/dirty and dirty/clean, then, referred particularly to a secret self underneath the surface energy or social presentation. In other words, I’ve learned to be a switch hitter.”

“I felt that one person could not possibly be all things, to one person, at all times. For me, one of the best things about being able to form meaningful connections with more than one person is just that! I get to explore connections with people without the limit or restriction or fear of developing ‘feelings’ for them. We are multifaceted creatures, different people bring out different sides to our personalities, and we have diverse and changeable requirements. It feels logical, like it makes sense, it enables me to explore the dimensions of myself in a way that I couldn’t with one closed relationship. I remember, way back in adolescence, peers debating over which stage of a relationship was better; the crazy new-love with all its uncertainty and excitement, or the comforting long-haul with it’s predictability and reassurance? I remember thinking, shit! Do I have to choose? I like them both! And the answer was no, I don’t have to choose.”

“There are two main issues that lead to getting the ‘wrong’ gift: sizing and style. […] This brings me to my first lingerie gift suggestion: Loungewear. Caro loves sitting around in her pyjamas or a robe (I’m more a boxers and t-shirt gal myself) and they can be cute but less risky to purchase than traditional lingerie. Because loungewear often comes in S-M-L sizing, it is much more forgiving and a boon to the inexperienced lingerie gift-giver such as myself. Also, loungewear does not carry with it the implication that you expect your partner to wear it for you. Instead, it says, ‘I love you and I know how much you love being comfortable so here’s something pretty and conducive to comfort.”

“A few weeks ago, I went out for coffee with my butch friend. After a while, the conversation turned to sex, and she asked me if I liked toys. When I said yes, she snickered and replied that “if your girlfriend was good enough in bed, you wouldn’t want them.” Then, she said that she never uses them for that reason. She thinks she’s good enough, and would be offended if a woman requested something extra. According to her, a real lesbian wouldn’t want to use a strap-on, unless her lover was bad in bed. I decided that even if my relationship ended, I’d never sleep with her.”

“15. “Oh, THAT’S What It Should Feel Like” Sex With any luck, you will have a moment at some point during your 20s (if not earlier), when you realize what truly great sex with another person feels like. Maybe it’s taken getting into a committed relationship to feel comfortable telling a partner what you really want sexually, or maybe you’re having a one-night-stand with someone who you have no emotional connection to but who somehow really understands how to please you in bed. Regardless, after you do have that “ah-hah!” moment, congratulate yourself. Then go try to recreate it as many times as possible.”

via pussylequeer.tumblr.com

+ The ABZ of Love, a vintage Danish illustrated guide to sexuality (which was ahead of its time in advocating for queer, gender and racial equality), is a neat historical look at things like sex, personality and development. + Kink.com has new sex ed classes for adults, which Tracy Clark-Flory argues everyone needs more of:

“When word initially got out about Kink’s new sex-ed classes, it inspired a flurry of scandalized media reports from around the world, without any reporters having actually attended classes, of course. The reality of these live sex workshops is much less shocking than the simple fact that so many people make it into adulthood with still so much to learn about basic anatomy, let alone sex itself. Given the flak the adult industry receives for miseducating us about sex, it is especially ironic, and yet refreshing, that a porn company is taking up the righteous task.”

“You are another victim of porn that is entertainment for men and romantic novels which are a woman’s form of soft-core porn. What you describe sounds like the beginning of developing your orgasmic response. Forget superficial “tips” and rely more on information about developing you sexual skills by practicing masturbation. Stop listening to what others say and listen to your own body. When you say, ‘I didn’t scream wildly or go into another plane of existence or anything… I don’t think I had any vaginal contractions, and I didn’t have the feelings of immediate deep relaxation that everyone talks about having afterwards.’Screaming wildly’ is male porn. That ‘other plane of existence’ is romantic crap. Not all women experience vaginal contractions although some do.”

“One of our historian advisors once said, ‘Mainstream society continually mines its fringes to revitalize itself.’ Sexuality often lies in the fringe. Our exhibitions director Mark Snyder uses the example of people who walk into Barnes & Noble and don’t want to be seen in the adult books section. Then they walk into our store and openly flip through our books. Or they go upstairs and watch a ridiculous fisting video. So here they are given permission. And it’s not just permission to party and be decadent. It’s permission to explore something they never knew about. It’s a form of liberation.”

via sapphoria.tumblr.com

+ Good Vibrations doesn’t carry metal handcuffs because they lead to bruising, can’t be removed by the person wearing them in an emergency (or if you lose the key), and don’t allow for enough movement:

“You have very little movement when wearing metal handcuffs. I said earlier that metal is very unforgiving, and that plays into this reason as well. Let me remind you that these are the handcuffs that police officers use. I’m not a police officer or anything but I assume they use these specific cuffs to ensure that a cuffed person can’t escape, so it makes sense that they don’t give you much wiggle room. This not only makes them uncomfortable but this makes them very limiting as far as sexual positioning is concerned. Something to think about if you’re into having acrobatic sex.”

via lafemmeaucouer.tumblr.com

Autostraddle Anonymous Sex Toy Review #21:

It’s our 21st Autostraddle Anonymous Sex Toy Review! Over the last few years, we’ve been propositioned frequently by sex toy companies wondering if we’d like to review their toys in exchange for, you know, their toys. In 2011, in addition to “saying yes to the dress” we started saying YES to the sex toys! Today’s item of choice is Jimmyjane’s Form 6 vibrator.

Jimmyjane’s Form 6 vibrator feels sleek and sexy and smooth and more than a little decadent. When I buy sex toys, my number one question is usually not, “Will this vibrator be a life-changing nightstand piece?” but, “Will this vibrator get me off without unintentionally electrocuting me?” I expect a vibrator to exude sex because it’s a vibrator, not because it’s a sexy object in and of itself. The Form 6 changes that.

In the Atlantic, Andy Isaacson writes:

“Through their design, [Jimmyjane founder] Imboden wants to convey the sense that these are carefully considered objects—that someone is looking out for our sexual well-being, even if we have been conditioned to have low expectations. ‘I jokingly say this is an area where you really don’t want to disappoint your customers,’ Behar told me. ‘And I think this is an industry that has treated its customers really badly.’

The Form 6 is obviously a carefully considered object. It’s visually appealing, balanced, minimalist, sexy. It has won both an International Design Excellence Award (in leisure and recreation) and an International Design Magazine consumer product design award for its silicone design and cordless recharging system (it charges through a metal band that sits in a dock instead of plugging into something).

Its body is medical-grade platinum silicone (it’s less likely to have been contaminated by human contact during manufacturing and is biocompatible), which feels soft and almost velvety, but is also sticky enough to leave you with a good grip, even covered in (non-silicone-based) lube. It has power adapters for several countries, charges in four hours and lasts for up to six and comes in slate or pink. It has a few modes of vibration (either or both ends and a few different pulses) and five levels of intensity. The vibrations feel rumbly, and are quiet at the lowest levels but noisier at the higher ones. It’s awkward to cycle between intensities and modes during sex because you have to use two hands to press hard enough, but this also means the vibrator won’t accidentally turn off at a key moment.

One of the Form 6’s selling points is that you can use either end internally — the smaller end hits your g-spot, while the larger, thicker end end is for straight up penetration play. Each end has its own motor, and they vibrate differently: the shorter end has higher pitched vibrations, while the larger end has deeper ones. Both ends feel equally amazing.

Actually, the entire thing feels, and looks, amazing. This is the vibrator that let me throw out most of my other vibrators (and one unfortunate g-spot toy) without worrying that I might ever miss them.

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[quote]”A few weeks ago, I went out for coffee with my butch friend. After a while, the conversation turned to sex, and she asked me if I liked toys. When I said yes, she snickered and replied that “if your girlfriend was good enough in bed, you wouldn’t want them.” Then, she said that she never uses them for that reason. She thinks she’s good enough, and would be offended if a woman requested something extra. According to her, a real lesbian wouldn’t want to use a strap-on, unless her lover was bad in bed. I decided that even if my relationship ended, I’d never sleep with her.”[/quote]

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS. I wrote that. I had no idea it would end up on Autostraddle! I’ve been an avid reader of this site for three years, that was the first thing I ever published on Eden, and suddenly it ends up on Autostraddle. I’m star-struck. Wow.

Hi! I’m the author of that article. Oh dear, that’s not what I meant to say at all. I hope people don’t get that impression. What I meant is that my girlfriend doesn’t identify as a trans*guy, although she does wear a strap on and sees it as an extension of herself. What I meant by “if she was, then she’d be my boyfriend” was that if she was transguy, I’d be using the right pronouns.

I absolutely believe real lesbians can date trans*women, and actually, I had a pretty significant relationship with a transgirl in the past. A few sentences in that article were probably confusing, and I’m super sorry about that. That was the first article I’ve ever written for Eden. I’ll try to be clearer next time. (Side note: I also think the whole idea of a “real” lesbian is silly.)

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