Invisible

Hello - how are you?
I am someone you will never see
Never see fully
You won't look and you won't know
You will never know my true feelings
My thoughts and fears
You dont really want to know
Because my life doesn't fit your
ideal perceptions
You don't know how to deal with the reality
That
I am invisible
That is how you want me
How do I live?
You may wonder
On a sympathetic day
I make myself into a facade of what you want
What others want
I become their ideals
I scan the crowd and become what is
necessary to the majority
Acceptable
To them
It takes much thought and effort
Do I stop and think about myself?
No - I can't do that
I don't even fully know myself
Because others haven't allowed me
Haven't showed me that it is okay
I don't even know if I know how
But what I do know
Is that
I am invisible
That is how I have to be
Why?
You ask with such innocence
You can't even begin to know the tale
The tale of my life
You wouldn't believe it
I have known that for so long
It is too horrible
Too sad
Too depressing
Too unlike anything you have known
Anything you have remotely experienced
So invisible I am
Invisible I stay
Sometiems I have tried to really come out
Tell my tale just a little
The lies, confusion, abuse
The sex
You look at me
With disgrace
You don't want to believe
In such tales
You can't handle even hearing
Even thining about
Empathizing
With me
With what I have endured
By myself
You don't believe
You scorn
You mourn for yourself
For what horrible things you have had
to hear
You won't accept me
So invisible
You again keep me
I try to live
Inside myself
In a vacuum
It has been hard
Sometimes almost impossible it seems
It is harder than you could ever know
I keep looking
For others
Who might try to tell their tales
I hope to find others
I look for hints of their invisibility
Who might have lived like me
I am tired of being so lonely
I want to find comfort and acceptance in
another's invisibility
But as of yet
I have found not one
Not one with a tale like mine
No one uttering the same words
The same
Sad
Lonely
Words
I am invisible
Can I come out?
by LJK