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if it was physical death, is it reasonable to think that the Gwydion would shake their heads and allow the "Execution for a execution" thing?

Maybe. Changeling society is explicitly NOT egalitarian. It depends on Rank of the individuals. And who they are connected to.

If it was just chimerical

would it be safe to say many in Gwydion would feel they owed her as an individual a boon, but not her house, for the poor behavior of one of their loose cannons.

Good for a character background of meeting unlikely friends in boarding school I suppose?

And For the Iron paladin in question being ransomed for "All he's worth"

I think Ailil would smile in agreement on that"

Remember Noble society is explicitly feudal. The actions of Knights reflect upon their Lords and so on and so forth. Some random Gwydion Knight Errant might be a rogue canon, but on the other hand other membrs of their house might still feel they owe things

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I hate to use this example, but look at Phantom Menace from Star Wars. That's pretty much the situation power blocks in the Parlement can push all sorts of questionable actions and the Gwydion are a power block.

So Iron Paladin kills Perma Kills Ailil childling Gwydions say they handle it n house and send in some knights to be all murder murder.

Ailil go raise up a mob of various other factions with "it could be you next!" Gwydion gets hammered.

But this is PROBABLY a local thing vs something that gets pushed to the Parlement of Dreams. Its likely to be something that doesn't go beyond the Duchy.

Now Gwydion Serial killer murdered Unseelie members with cold iron in various kingdoms through out Concordia and they just take him and kill him and say "FINE FUCK YOU" well that might be a national issue.

Now if the ailil chidling were JUST murdered physically well there'd probably be some level of negotiations and and probably an execution for an execution along with exchanges of potentially dross, land etc. I imagine "Real world" money is the least valuable thing.

If the ailil childling was just chimerically murdered well she'll be back in less than a day more than likely so its most likely to be dross payment or real world money.