Tom Noir’s Art Direction: Here it is, this is gonna blow your minds: a hot babe getting felt up in an open grave! But make it black-and-white so we can slip it past the censors. Put some bats in there too. OH! And make sure the bats have boobs.Published 1991 or 1996

Tom Noir’s Art Direction: I want a cover that depicts the author’s existential angst and self-loathing. Just kidding! Draw a naked broad with big gazongas on it and call it a day. Ooh, and maybe have a bird squawking at her.Published 1993

Art Direction: We’re all women here and the book is written by women. Isn’t it clear what we need to have on here? A sky of dull looking stars surrounded by silver border. Oh wait… and a woman, who’s a bit pasty looking and has a earring to make all other earrings feel inadequate.Published 1985