Do You Got Insurance, Bro?

Good news, bros and hos! There’s a new ad campaign geared toward fulfilling your wildest government-funded fantasies! At the grammatically challenged DoYouGotInsurance.com, you can browse through a compelling selection of hard hitting pro-Obamacare ads, just like the classy and clearly not condescending one below.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the level Obamacare advocates have stooped to. They know that millennials are opting out of the expensive, creepy Obamacare exchanges in droves, and their desperation is showing. As a woman in her twenties, I can’t imagine this message resonating with any sane female, regardless of her political views. I’m sorry, but there is no young lady on earth who says to herself, “Wow, if only the government made me pay more for insurance before, I could’ve had access to ‘free’ birth control and fulfilled my dream of getting with a bunch of tequila-shot-wielding-bros!” Also, the use of the term “hot to trot” in the ad? Really? Disparagingly treating women like sex objects and encouraging government dependency? So totally empowering! Or something ….

I have to imagine that you won’t be seeing these sophisticated purveyors of “brosurance” make ads about recent news that Obamacare has actually banned the affordable insurance plans of over 3.5 million Americans and counting. After all, that’s a pretty devastating statistic considering only 50,000 people have allegedly signed up through the exchanges. But wait, there’s more! The official number we expect the White House to release soon will count individuals who have merely kept a plan in their online shopping cart. Yes, seriously. HealthCare.gov wasn’t operational when I tried out of curiosity to see if I could get a quote. If I had saved a plan to review later, the government would consider me enrolled in Obamacare? Really? Earth to the White House: Attempted research on a dysfunctional website doesn’t constitute someone purchasing your sub-par, corporatist product. After all, there are better options for insurance procurement – especially if you’re a young person.

Oh and additionally, as if the aforementioned ad that implies females are the are brain-dead sums of our lady parts isn’t bad enough, there’s this:

These ads, which treat millennials as if our intellect is equal to that of a farm animal’s, are so tone deaf that it’s not likely anyone will be persuaded by them to explore the Obamacare exchanges. However, if any young people actually look into it, they’ll likely find that their options are less attractive than they were prior to the law’s launch. This is because Obamacare is fundamentally not insurance, as it doesn’t calculate for a relatively healthy person’s low risk.

Unfortunately, it’s clear that Obamacare is yet another iteration of the government’s longstanding war on youth. It transfers resources from young people already struggling in a tough economy to older, wealthier Americans. Because of how the law is structured, current young people stand to gain nothing from this ill-conceived program – even in the long-run. As health care policy analyst Chris Conover explained at Forbes in his appropriately titled piece, “No, Obamacare Is Not A Good Deal For Young People In The Long Run, Not Even Close,”

“Obamacare is not a good lifetime deal even for people as old as 30. For 18 year olds, Obamacare essentially is imposing a tax of 18.3% on the premiums they would otherwise pay under more market-oriented reforms.”