what it used to be like and is now

November 24, 2008

bad neighbors are like a constant rain of piss, drizzle enough to make little rivers in the street stinking and steaming yellow in the night. it never rains heavy, it’s not your life, but you can even hear it drip through the walls, you can hear the tires outside sticking to the pavement. you know that you have to go out there, to smell it and have it seep through the soles of your shoe. you have to see that sad face, that angry alcoholic. that failure festering and exploding beside you.

they would start screaming at night, at 11 at night, and not stop until the early morning. like a fucking idiot i’d go over there and explain that i was trying to help my fiancee get some sleep, that we didn’t have the consitution to lay awake listening to their loud obvious tragedy. that worked a couple times.

the time it didn’t work, the woman came out and looked up at me with her dead sad eyes. “he’s verbally abusive”. but all the humanity was gone out of me. i felt like a meat packer must feel like looking at a PETA video. “yep that’s it” and then see the bolt slam through their head in your mind, another day, another death, and nobody blinks an eye.

someday maybe there will be too many fucking people finally, and the hungry will eat the sad. perhaps the sad will then have the good sense to take care of themselves. i have hope for the human race.

so now we live a few miles away. we don’t share a wall, there’s a garden, there’s more animals and plants and less sadness. it may not last forever, but it’s nice for right now.