Taylor Swift's Stalker Will Have To Try Harder

Taylor Swift recently scored a huge, relieving victory over her alleged stalker, Timothy Sweet, after a Los Angeles judge ordered him to stay at least 100 yards away from the singer for the next three years. Timothy reportedly believes that he and Taylor are married, and he has been sending her "terrifying emails" and posting scary messages about her on social media, even going as far as to threaten John Kerry's life, because that's just the kind of thing that you do when you're out of your fucking mind enough to be in love with Taylor Swift. But it's good to see the long-celebrated Los Angeles justice system really lay down the hammer on someone in serious need of psychiatric help by giving him a piece of paper that says he has to stay away. This certainly won't end in an awesome cloud of bullets tearing him to pieces and Taylor's darkest, most Grammy-nominated album yet.