The Hottie And The Nottie

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All Rise...

Judge Brett Cullum thinks Paris is hot, and this movie is not!

The Charge

A life without orgasms is like a world without flowers. - Paris Hilton
as Christabel

The Case

On February 11th of 2008 The Houston Chronicle reported an average of
28 people attended each showing offered for The Hottie and the Nottie on
its opening weekend. Honestly, that was 27 more people than I would have thought
after watching it. The film is one of those "late night cable"
projects that some misguided soul figured could make it as a theatrical release
on the star power of Paris Hilton. Most people are going to see it as a
"money can buy you everything but a good movie" scenario, and that's
true. Hilton is credited as an executive producer which means she funded the
project to at least some degree. It's not bad enough to be campy, nor is it good
enough to work. The Hottie and the Nottie only offers a chance to see
Hilton in a performance which seems less interesting than her night vision romp
during One Night in Paris.

Nate (Joel Moore, Grandma's Boy)
moves back to LA to track down his first grade crush Christabel (Paris Hiltion,
House of Wax). She's more
beautiful than ever, but the still sexy woman has retained an ever present ugly
best friend named June (Christine Lakin, Georgia Rule). Christabel has made a vow she
will not date anyone until the homely June finds "someone special." So
what can Nate do? Transform the ugly duckling in to a swan with the help of an
attractive dentist, but along the way things get complicated as Nate begins to
fall for June instead of his original Hottie. In the completely predictable
twist, he's falling for the Nottie. And of course the Nottie turns out to be
completely hot, smart, and self-aware. All it takes are some veneers, waxing,
and hair treatments.

A lot of people have it out for Paris Hilton claiming she has no talents,
but somehow she's managed to emerge as an author, pop singer, reality television
star, and an actress appearing in movies. With enough guts and cash I guess you
can do anything, and let's hope she doesn't decide to eventually go the Ross
Perot route and run for President. The Hottie and the Nottie tries to
reinvent Miss Hilton as a modern day Bo Derek, even though this is certainly
light-years away from "10". As much as her detractors would
love to tear the blonde heiress down, the problem isn't Paris. She does what's
required of her by being pretty, sweet, and coming off okay with the light
comedy. No, the biggest problem with The Hottie and the Nottie is that
it's neither accomplished nor completely inept in any of the production
elements. It's not good or bad enough to be entertaining. The script is filled
with one line clunkers, not so comedic bits, and as a romantic comedy it never
works. We don't care about these people, and everything feels like the worst
deleted scenes from a Farrelly brothers comedy. You can't blame the poor cast
who give it a good college try. What The Hottie and the Nottie gets wrong
is the script does nobody any favors, and the entire production looks
amateurish. Could some more polish have helped? Probably not, and it's just not
a smart film by any stretch of the imagination. We've seen these
"transformation" stories in romantic comedies, so the film offers
nothing new.

Liberation Entertainment has provided a bare bones version for the DVD
release of The Hottie and the Nottie. All we get is the movie without any
supplemental material, or at least that is what it looks like from the screener
version they sent. The widescreen transfer is clear, but there are some darker
moments that don't hold up as well. The contrast needed to be up, and the black
level seems a little bit off. Colors are pretty sharp though, and it all looks
vivid enough for a comedy palette. Everything looks and sounds fine. Extras
maybe could have helped out here. Considering the whole project revolves around
the interest in Paris, why not trot her out for a commentary?

If you're one of those villagers outside of Paris Hilton's mansion with a
pitchfork you might as well go home, because The Hottie and the Nottie
doesn't make Paris look any worse. It's an inept mess of a comedy, but it's not
the fault of America's favorite blonde heiress. The real culprit is a not funny
script, and a lackluster basic cable budget that meant the film never should
have been released in theaters. Paris Hilton deserves better than this for her
money, and audiences certainly can expect better. Paris has proven comic skills
thanks to The Simple Life, and she's not been bad in her quick roles in
films like Wonderland, House of
Wax, and Nine Lives. She has more
talent than this movie shows. This one's forgettable, but it stars an
unforgettable woman. Like it or not, we'll always have Paris.