1 of 2 O.C. women booted by 'The Bachelor'

Violence, a vampire, jilted lovers, a dancing dentist – you'd think someone could make a decent episode out of those elements.

But not if the episode in question is the season premiere of "The Bachelor."

No, the 15th season of America's favorite non-matchmaking show hewed to its tried-and-true formula of interminable limousine exits, mind-numbing party chit-chat, mildly bad behavior by a few Bachelorettes and a dreary Rose Ceremony wherein returning Bachelor Brad Womack thanked "each and every one" of the 30 hopefuls before pretending that he remembered their names and wasn't being prompted by the producers.

Much was made of the slap that Chantal O'Brien delivered to Brad on behalf of the women in America, but given that we had seen it on promos several hundred times prior to the episode, the impact was negligible when it finally arrived.

We were much more enchanted by Madison McKinley, the model/vampire who is listed as 25 but appears to be a 15-year-old obsessed with the Edward-or-Jacob question.

And who wasn't enthralled by the "shocking" moment when DeAnna Pappas and Jenni Croft, Brad's two rejected finalists from season 11, showed up to confront him once again?

Only in the insane world of "The Bachelor" does someone have to explain away following his feelings rather than sticking to a script and fake proposing to someone. And we won't even mention that DeAnna subsequently became "The Bachelorette," found her "true love," then shipped him off a few months later.