I think the story has a strong message, great concept, and a good writing voice. I'm not sure if this is a short, or the pilot for a T.V. show, but I would expand this into a feature length script because the subject matter calls for more story.
I was wanting more character development between Samantha and Victoria so we learn about their relationship, maybe they had fights before, some more intimate moments. Most of the emotional development is done through Victoria's Voiceovers but it would be great if I could feel what she is feeling without having her tell me through voice over.
The Boss character could be more menacing and should represent society as a whole. He should be more oppressive and maybe we catch a hint of his plans before the big reveal.
The following dialogues I felt were too on the nose:
MOTHER
We can’t abandon our son. Not now
that he needs us the most.
CATHERINE
Who said anything about money? For
our firm, all transgender abuse
cases are pro bono. You cannot let
your former boss get away with what
he did to you.
I don't know enough about Samantha at this point to believe this line:
SAMANTHA (CONTD)
You asked me to be with you and I
am saying yes. Someone has to keep
an eye on you and make sure you
don’t do stupid things like trying
to kill yourself.
I think the arc could be stronger for Victoria throughout the script, make us really feel bad for her through things that people do to her, say to her, say to her behind her back etc. More about how society has forced her into isolation by the age of 28.

I think the story has a strong message, great concept, and a good writing voice. I'm not sure if this is a short, or the pilot for a T.V. show, but I would expand this into a feature length script because the subject matter calls for more story.
I was wanting more character development between Samantha and Victoria so we learn about their relationship, maybe they had fights before, some more intimate moments. Most of the emotional development is done through Victoria's Voiceovers but it would be great if I could feel what she is feeling without having her tell me through voice over.
The Boss character could be more menacing and should represent society as a whole. He should be more oppressive and maybe we catch a hint of his plans before the big reveal.
The following dialogues I felt were too on the nose:
MOTHER
We can’t abandon our son. Not now
that he needs us the most.
CATHERINE
Who said anything about money? For
our firm, all transgender abuse
cases are pro bono. You cannot let
your former boss get away with what
he did to you.
I don't know enough about Samantha at this point to believe this line:
SAMANTHA (CONTD)
You asked me to be with you and I
am saying yes. Someone has to keep
an eye on you and make sure you
don’t do stupid things like trying
to kill yourself.
I think the arc could be stronger for Victoria throughout the script, make us really feel bad for her through things that people do to her, say to her, say to her behind her back etc. More about how society has forced her into isolation by the age of 28.