Ask a Guy: What is the Best Place to Meet Guys?

I’m a busy, single girl living in NYC and I need advice on how to meet new guys. I’m a student in the performing arts – concentrating opera – so my access to straight guys feels a bit limited. Rehearsals and classes take up most of my time. I haven’t been on a date in over a year now – its crazy! I want to try something new where I can get to know more guys. I go to the gym a lot but other than that I don’t have much in the way of ideas.

As for not going on a date, I think its a sign that there has to be something I’m doing wrong. I generally feel awkward and nervous around guys so I bail out of talking to them even when there’s nothing to lose. They don’t approach me either, so I’m guessing I’m not sending out the right signals if I’m sending any.

There’s also the fact that my roommate made a bet with me – find a date in 10 days or I’m subject to being sexiled for a weekend. That would be severely inconvenient so if you could help at all that would be great! I would love to have a guys insight!

See our guy’s response after the jump!

My thoughts: NYC is great… I mean, so many people, so many things you can be a part of… limitless options.

The best thing you can do to find a guy is… be around guys that you like.

Now, I know that sounds obvious, but in today’s society that usually translates to a bar or club if you’re single. That’s not what I mean.

I think that people are funny animals. The beliefs that we hold, the things we chase after, the ideals we hold as a society. We have things in our society that we’re supposed to want AND “supposed” to feel bad about having. Money. Sex. Desire. Pride. All sorts of stuff.

So sadly, the whole American idea of dating follows the notion that we’re supposed to just happen upon another person by accident… not look for a person. But I’m digressing.

At the same time, I’m not pushing you towards “speed dating” or meeting guys online or things like that. Nothing against that stuff, I’m just thinking that it’s limiting to put your faith into an outside service to hook you up when you are capable of doing it yourself by tweaking your lifestyle a bit. (I do know people who have had a lot of success with online dating sites though.)

I would say that the best way to find a guy is to be around a common place that encourages meeting people, but isn’t necessarily intended for you to meet people. In Boston they have these events at the Museum of Fine Arts where tons of single women go and get all dolled-up and meet guys. Of course, everyone’s going to see the “art”. Being out and about at different public events is like the singles bar for people that actually like not having to scream over music to be heard.

My point is that there are all sorts of things happening where people meet up for a common reason and people happen to meet each other through it. If you go to a charity event, you’ll meet a certain type of guy. If you go to a sporting event, you’ll meet a certain kind of guy. If you go to a wine tasting event, you’ll meet a certain kind of guy. And the hope is that as long as you’re there and looking cute and happy, some guy will open his mouth and say something to you.

Come to think of it, I’ve heard from tons of people that walking their dog through the park is responsible for most of the dates they’ve had for the past few years. Kind of silly, but again… it’s just another convenient excuse people use to meet random strangers they’re attracted to.

Don’t worry about being awkward… tons of guys find it endearing… And it’s usually an invitation for the guy to feel like he can “be real” with you since you’re human and not trying to act like some perfect Goddess. Guys love a happy woman that they feel is human… you can be that.

I just had to say, I’ve read a few topics and advice you give and I just can’t believe so many of my girlfriends have come to me with the same questions (I’m a girl, like I would have a clue anyway) including myself and I have never heard advice so real and so well put together. It all sounds like common sense, something that requires trial and error and eventually you’ll get the solution you’re looking for but in reality people just don’t. It takes a special individual like you whether you asked a million opinions from men or use your own experiences to get your response, it all made sense and is definitely advice to take into consideration whether it is or isn’t advice I want to hear. I’m blown away!
Thankyou for your help!
JM

Thanks JM – I really appreciate that.
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It’s a funny thing, but you’re right.
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I’ll give you an analogy: I own my own business and one of the things I need to be good at in order to succeed is marketing.
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When I started, I didn’t want to be one of those “scumbag marketers”, so I resisted EVERYTHING. I had it in my head that I was going to do things MY WAY and that it would work.
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Well… my way seemed like it would work. And other people even agreed with me that it should work. And my friends encouraged me to do it my way because they thought it would work… and guess what?
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It didn’t work!!
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Now what does work was “common sense”, but I resisted it because I thought that the obvious, common sense path was dumb or bad or beneath me… or whatever I thought it was… I just didn’t want to do it.
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But after getting my ass handed to me with marketing for my business, I finally started doing things the right way (but in a way I could live with), and…
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It works extremely well!
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So not resisting what I knew was good advice was a major first step for me.
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On another angle, there’s one million ways to do something that *seem* like they could be right. They *seem* like they should work.
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But the real world doesn’t lie. And usually what actually works is based on primitive human emotions that have been around for eons.
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So often times, the advice that actually will work is just a small number of solutions that hit the emotions correctly. If it doesn’t hit the emotions right… it doesn’t work.
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Anyway… that’s my whole tangent about advice and common sense. All advice sounds like common sense in the end, but good advice will sound like common sense AND it will get you results. I try my absolute best to give good advice (or rather my opinion of good advice, that is).

Hey Eric- Great advice! Especially about the dog. I lived on the beach at Nantasket, South of Boston, after my first marriage–back when I was a happy-go-lucky bachelor — and my first move was to get a Dalmation dog — you know the Disney film. Walking that dog on the beach was a veritable MAGNET! I met so many women with so many looks and backgrounds, it was UNBELIEVABLE. Of course, it doesn’t hurt if you’re not afraid to follow up. Ah, those were years of fond memories. Then I met my favorite 36 DDD German blonde, who swept me off my feet in my 50’s. We’ve been happily married for 15 years now. Good to read you, old buddy. –Paul

I’m trying to contact family members of Berenice W. Wiers. She was from Michigan and lived in the Bethesda, MD area. Died mid-1960s. Seeking information on her husband and children. Suspect descendants are in the Boston area.