Like a solely synthetic, man-made stimulant meant to target the central nervous system with the most cataclysmically corrosive toxins that are able to be ingested into the human body for the sole purpose of eliciting a short-term physiological boost, but result in diabolically negative outcomes like the sinking of cheeks, the rotting of teeth, and the presence of sores on the skin, until ultimately a portal of hell on earth opens up for the individual where they find themselves estranged from friends, unemployed, stealing from family, and slouched over in a dank alley giving some street boss a hummer just to secure their next score, pop artist Chris Lane, and specifically his song “Fix” are like a scourge of society—a contagion—eroding all propriety and eating away at scruples until a palpable infectious malaise runs rampant throughout all the peoples of the Earth, and inhumane discord settles over our collective experience like a debilitating pall, addled by the overwhelming outcome of an unfortunate addiction.

If “Fix” was a batch of meth, it would have spontaneously exploding in the face of Chris Lane, shooting him out of his singlewide and across the trailer park, giving him first-degree chemical burns all over his pretty, pretty face.

One of a set of twins who once tried out for American Idol as dueling white rappers while they were banging the same chick (they got bounced in the tryouts of course), apparently Lane’s label Big Loud Mountain played eenie meenie miney moe with the two twin morons and ended up with Tweedle Dumb.

What would fall and hit the ground faster in the vacuum left where Chris Lane’s self-awareness is supposed to be, a dense pound of his excessive ego, or a pound of air from his vacuous cranium? The answer is “Fix”—an abhorrent effort to assemble any and all obvious and transparent pandering mechanisms known to pop music’s collective brain trust for the sole purpose of launching a new Music Row record label that the world needs about as much as another affiliate of ISIS.

The story of “Fix” is not one of a songwriter gripped with inspiration, scribbling down eloquent poetry in the throes of passion, meandering past coffee stains on a messy legal pad. The story of “Fix” starts with two professional Music Row “songwriters” Abe Stoklasa and Jesse Frasure screwing around on Macbooks with what they self-describe as “music beds” until they came up with the stupid music, and then ringing up Sarah Buxton, best known recently for crafting lines like “Stick the pink umbrella in your drink” from Florida Georgia Line’s godawful hit “Sun Daze” to clothe the completely inorganic audio track with idiotic buzzwords meant to excite the genitals of the uncleen masses latched on the sauce of mainstream country radio like pups on a bulbous teat.

Meanwhile the underlying point of “Fix” is not to make an entertaining tune, or even launch the music career of Chris Lane. The sole purpose of “Fix” is to create the foundation for this stupid record label Big Loud Mountain, and make the men behind the venture millions of dollars before they lose their asses on their imbecilic investment.

As you enter the Music Row corridor of Nashville on 16th Avenue from the south, there is a massive image of Chris Lane in the window of the Big Loud Mountain offices. They have squandered who knows how much capital taking their collective penises out and swinging them around, trying to get anyone’s and everyone’s attention, while “Fix” continues to falter outside the Top 10 where it’s meandered since being released all the way back in October of 2015.

Cozy relationships with radio have been called upon, seeing how the head honcho of Big Loud Mountain is a guy named Clay Hunnicutt who left a high-level programming job at iHeartMedia to take the spot. Big Loud Mountain had already been in the management business, and with delusions of launching the next Big Machine, they signed Chris Lane, and specifically crafted “Fix” to be the super hit (a la FGL’s “Cruise”) to launch the label upon.

“Fix” is an abomination of the public airwaves and is unfit for country radio in its overt promotion of the recreational use of hard drugs, furtively attempting to shield itself behind the thinly-veiled “love as a drug” parallel, which is a cliche and embarrassing overused trope of modern country all unto itself. Songwriter Sarah Buxton attempted to say the right things when speaking to Billboard about it. “The song gets pretty druggy,” admitted Buxton, “but it’s not about that. It’s ‘I want to be your addiction.”

But this attitude is rebuffed in the same article by songwriter Abe Stoklasa, who is the originator of “Fix,” when he says “It was never supposed to end up anywhere except my record … We were writing for me, so we didn’t care. If I’ll say it, we can say it. You know, it’s not a big deal.”

The Billboard article goes on to say,

By the time they finished it, “Fix” incorporated images of cocaine lines at a nightclub and the phrase “good shit,” all of which was considered OK because, after all, it wasn’t supposed to be a family-friendly country song.

But that is exactly where the song has landed—what is supposed to be family friendly country radio. They went on to edit “good shit” to “good ish,” and undoubtedly the lyrics do try to paint love as addiction. But the song also undoubtedly pushes a fascination with methamphetamine to the easily-influenced boobs that mainstream country radio panders to.

Later in the same Billboard article, the songwriters try to cover their tracks some more, saying that the obvious drug lines in the song are supposed to be supportive of weed—seen as more PC than meth.

“I think I had weed on the mind,” says songwriter Abe Stoklasa.

Fucking bullshit Abe, you mention Walter White in the damn chorus—the meth-cooking main character of Breaking Bad, along with lines like “I’m more than recreational.” You must think we’re fucking stupid.

Saving Country Music has found itself pushing positive perspectives on songs that mention drug use many times before, but 90% of that time those drugs are referenced in the cautionary tale style of classic country—songs like Johnny Cash’s “Cocaine Blues.” But even some of those songs are never meant for radio, especially country radio, like songwriter Abe Stoklasa admits himself “Fix” wasn’t. I was almost okay at overlooking the drug references in “Fix” until Stoklasa fessed up to his motivations, and then tried to cover them up like a coward by mentioning marijuana.

Where does Chris Lane come in with all of this? He’s nothing more than a pretty face with a novice enough proficiency at falsetto to allow the Auto-Tune machine to recognize the signal and spit out studio magic. To even call Chris Lane a puppet would be to assign him a modicum of free will he likely does not possess. His job is to spend two hours a day in the gym, get his hair cut three times a week, and otherwise shut the fuck up while the men in suits behind-the-scenes make him a superstar so they can pay off their bass boats and bloated mortgages in Nashville’s swanky Belle Meade neighborhood, and make their dreams of becoming the next Scott Borchetta a reality.

Chris Lane, “Fix,” Big Loud Mountain, Sarah Buxton’s stupid lyrics, and Abe Stoklasa’s dumbass explanations are like a bathtub batch of meth blowing up the neighborhood and making a crime scene disaster area of country music.

I’ve been waiting for a good ol 0/10 Trigger rant. Truly the best! This song is painful tho … what the hell is the random wailing at 2:14 … might be the worst bridge possible. Who signs off on this shit?

This is probably my least favorite song of the year. It’s so cocky and Lane has nothing to back his cockiness up with. It reminds me of the worst aspects of Maroon 5 mixed with the worst aspects of bro country. He’s not even a good singer.

Although, “Seein Red” by Dustin Lynch may be slightly worse. It completely rips off “Style” by Taylor Swift’s melody.

I mean, it seems like the general listening public doesn’t either. “Fix” has been an abysmal seller from the start. Nowhere is this more blatantly obvious than when comparing his single’s current airplay peak with the Hot Country Songs chart. It’s at #6 and rising on the airplay chart, but #14 on the composite airplay, sales and streaming chart. It’s at a pathetic #47 currently on the iTunes Country chart. And on YouTube, it has required SIX months for its official video to garner about 3.8 million views (an act that works with the same producer and songwriters as Lane, Florida Georgia Line, reached that many views in a mere two-and-a-half DAYS with “H.O.L.Y.”).

When even casual radio listeners are indifferent at best to this, it is beyond me how “Fix” has gotten as far as it has at radio.

*

Look, I may not like Luke Bryan’s music as a whole, but I understand his appeal. I haven’t liked most of Florida Georgia Line’s music to date aside from “Dirt” and “Confession”, but I nonetheless understand their appeal as well. Even Dustin Frickin’ Lynch has at the very least an agreeable voice and “Your Daddy’s Boots” to show for.

But Chris Lane? NOTHING about him is a saving grace to my eyes and ears thus far. Much like Sam Hunt, I simply don’t get his appeal whatsoever.

Don’t forget the important stage of Chris Lane’s journey from producer-puppet on ‘American Idol’ to producer-puppet on ‘Fix’ when he was very temporarily a homegrown farm boy getting into fights on Friday night. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvEGaH7m8ZA

This is being played constantly in my hometown (at least every time I take a deep breath and play Russian roulette with my radio dial). It’s the classic case of taking a trend (lots of love as a drug songs around right now) and taking it to its logical extreme. Usually… and hopefully, this kind of drivel is enough to put a stake in a theme for awhile. At least that’s what I tell myself. Nice review.

Alright, I know nothing of this clown, but just watch the video of him playing this song on the Opry stage – if you don’t cringe or feel the tremors from HW rolling in his grave you’re from/on another planet.

Reminds me of when Chase Rice opened for a Texas Country band in New Braunfels and straight up said “I know this probably isn’t y’all’s type of country music, but…” I can only assume his y’all was meant for anyone who has every enjoyed a Merle Haggard song.

It’s not that it isn’t “our type” of country music. This shit is not country music at all. Period. And how the hell could the Opry let people like this perform on stage? I thought they were supposed to be about preserving tradition. They used to not even let bands bring drums on stage, but now they willingly let rap rejects dance around. This just proves that nobody in the industry even cares anymore.

I was wondering when you were going to give this a piece of your mind. Better late than never! 😉

And to think that this partially came from the same woman who solely wrote “Stupid Boy”.

What the hell happened to Sarah Buxton? Granted she attempted to launch a solo career of her own and failed, but I can’t think of another songwriter who has completely and willingly relinquished one’s dignity quite like she has. Forget Dallas Davidson. At least you know what to expect from him. Sarah Buston has been the single most disappointing sellout among songwriters I’ve seen in all recent memory.

*

By the way, be warned: his EP as a whole is no less awful than “Fix” is, and seeing that every track featured on his EP but “Cool” will also be featured on his forthcoming full-length debut………….let’s just say you should probably have half a year’s supply of novocaine on stock if you plan on reviewing it.

I’m dead serious. “Fix” only resembles the tip of the iceberg that his terrible EP of the same name represents. In “Cool”, the opening couplet describes him laying face first in an old box fan talking like Darth Vader, before name-dropping the Oakland Raiders, “Moonwalk'” and “808s and a hoopty-hoopty” (your guess on what that is is as good as mine! -__- ). “Stolen Car” is as disgusting an extended metaphor as it sounds that justifies stealing someone else’s girl to hook up with his truly with some really annoying falsetto. “Saturday Night” is rehashed, pedestrian bro-country without any passion or inflection on behalf of Lane’s vocal. “For Her” isn’t the worst thing I’ve heard in the lyrical department by any stretch, but it still reduces a female subject to bodily features and the way she moves (and oh joy: MORE annoying falsetto). And “Her Own Kind of Beautiful” opens with, and I kid you not: “Ball cap to a flip flop, a toe ring to the tip top, from Haggard to the Hip-Hop…” -__-

*

Yeah, “Fix” gets a Zero out of 10 from me. It would be a leading contender for my Worst “Country” Single of All-Time Dunce Cap.

If she were to give a solo career route another try and the end result is something like Chris Stapleton’s “Traveler”, much can be forgiven.

But even when Stapleton had been partially responsible for writing some terrible songs for other artists, he had also been penning much quality material to more than make up for it. So he probably decided to play the game by cutting those dopey outliers just so he could pay the bills and feed his family, and all along the ultimate goal was getting to a place where he could eventually showcase the best of what he had compiled.

But there’s no indication that Sarah Buxton has been doing something similar since her stab at a solo career never took flight. Nothing she has participated in since then has been all that remarkable. She wrote songs for “Nashville” that weren’t bad but didn’t leave any impression on me like “Stupid Boy” did. I know she wrote “Pieces” for Gary Allan, and that was actually one of his most forgettable singles in my opinion. And beyond that, hardly anything else comes to mind.

Background vocals on a few David nail songs like “let it rain” we’re her most memorable and notable performances.

Side note she opened for Reba and Martina mcbride at least seven years ago. She had a tambourine player with her in the band. Openly posted on my Facebook that was my friends career path. She was moving to Nashville and being a professional. It was all a joke. People who are sort of acquaintances still think it’s happening and ask her how her career is. Pretty funny.

‘What the hell happened to Sarah Buxton? Granted she attempted to launch a solo career of her own and failed, but I can’t think of another songwriter who has completely and willingly relinquished one’s dignity quite like she has. Forget Dallas Davidson. At least you know what to expect from him. Sarah Buston has been the single most disappointing sellout among songwriters I’ve seen in all recent memory.’

She had an amazingly fresh-sounding record a few years back ( Outside My Window ..etc.. ) with as-good-as-it-gets production , melodies and most of all ..LYRICS . Not to mention her one-of-a-kind voice which would have really made an impact on country radio had it been allowed a shot. She’s a force …and to see it unleashed to produce this crap is sad indeed .

You know by saying “from Haggard to the Hip-Hop,” and all the similar lines from Bro-Country songs over the years, they’re basically coming out and saying that not only is modern “country” a fusion of country and hip hop, but they’re proud of it. They think it’s cool that their “country” borrows more from hip hop than from actual country music. I don’t hear any Haggard in this music at all. They just like to throw out legendary country names to try to give themselves some country cred. Thing is, most of the people who listen to this have no idea who Merle Haggard is.

The closest approximation to a respected country singer Chris Lane and many of his B-list peers were raised on is probably Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney: who obviously differentiate from Merle Haggard heavily themselves.

But here’s the thing. Even by that realization, McGraw is showing dignity as he assumes elder statesman status and is releasing some of the best music he’s ever recorded as of late. Even when McGraw’s music has usually been decidedly more on the Adult Contemporary side of the spectrum than straight-up country, you can at least see how he has been a magnet for inspiration as well.

It seems all the justification Chris Lane thinks he needs to prove he’s country is that he likes six-packs and weekend tailgating.

For a few hours at work, I typically put on “Today’s Country” (Channel 1831 if you have Verizon) on the Music Choice station and the guys I work with will here something on it,dtop and then make sure they’re sure it reads “Today’s Country”. Sam Hunt and Thomas Rhett seem to get the most curious looks. Luke Bryan and Old Dominion aren’t far behind and Chris Lane is slowly gaining steam. Then they’ll all ask, in so many words, “Is this what today’s country music sounds like???” Yep. Stay away from this new form of country, gentleman. It’s like a new type fungus and, so far, doctors haven’t been able to isolate it.

I saw this guy and his band last summer at a festival opening up the main stage one afternoon. What an absolute disgrace. Every single cliché that applies to all these young, talent-deficient
“entertainment entrepreneurs” flooding into Nashville from LA every week was in full force. The guitar players were playing straight-up metal rigs. The bassist was wearing leather pants and a ridiculous tank top and had long curly hair on one side of his head, past his shoulder, and the other side was shaved. Every single person in the band looked like they were dressed up in a rock star costume, with the catch that they were never even showed what a rock star actually looked like. The band mostly just played covers and they weren’t particularly good.

Everything is riding on this song for Big Loud Mountain. And to that end, they have put every resource possible behind it, pulled every string, and yet it still sits outside the Top 10. I suspect it could still have some ground to gain before it falters, if only because the label just won’t give up the ghost.

Love this! Am still laughing! At the last concert that I was at, he was there! I was actually standing a foot away from him as he was heading to the stage (side stage that is) and didn’t even realize that was him because I was so focussed on his lavender parachute pants. He played a few songs, “Fix” being one of them; I really couldn’t concentrate on his music because he was so busy taking selfies for all the 15 drooling women in the front row. He actually sang into a phone for a good two minutes while recording himself on stage, and at that point, I decided that I’d rather go grab a beer and wait for the real performers to show up on the main stage. Not that size matters, but he is a lot shorter in person than I realized. Now I just laugh every time I unfortunately hear him on the radio.

I’m glad you finally roasted this song. It is truely one on the worst songs I’ve ever heard. Its systematic intentions make me wonder how he sleeps at night? And anybody ever listen to his old stuff before he was signed? A couple of those at least sound like a genuine human being. Another one who has sold his soul.

I hear this too much on the radio which I keep on at work. I also hear way too much Sam Hunt and Jason Aldean. This is the only station I can pick up – but the other San Antonio FM station is just at bad.

You can’t get an online station? If you ever do, look up HankFM…awesome station. All older country, all the time. Mostly 90’s, but many times, they go into the “music vault “, and play some really great ones, such as early George, Tammy, Loretta, and Conway. Otherwise, they do play them pretty much grouped in with the newer (80’s,90’s ) stuff. I love it.

The first warning sign is that two of the worst songwriters in Nashville paired up and wrote a paint-by-numbers song that’s clearly about meth, then pitched it to a guy who failed an audition on American Idol with a godawful rap with his brother, while bringing along the creamsicle they were both banging (and her dog for some reason) to warble her way through a song. Then somebody decided that to make Fix better they’d drench the guys voice in auto tune and make him breathe obnoxiously into the mic, of course making sure he was so close to the mic while doing this that it was halfway down his throat. They remembered at the last second that this had to be a country song, so they threw in a banjo because that’s gonna make it a country song. The marketing pitch is simple; throw Chris Lane in front of a white bedsheet for the album cover, fix up his hair, and cobble together some songs that were rotting away on the cutting room floor after they were rejected by Thomas Rhett.

At least he has charisma… Honestly it’s the only thing that makes this song bearable.

@ Justin Casey: I watched it, too. I’ll give them credit for trying but they look like two twins who snuck out of a GAP ad photo shoot!!! Smh….. https://youtu.be/ygyCDu1kpPo (if anyone wants a little comedy relief)

i want to apologize for starting the topic of losing brain cells this type of music (as well as jameson so i’ve been told) tends to do that just do your best to avoid it if possible do do do dooooooo (that’s supposed the nbc the more you know music remember the 90’s)

i was going to make a joke about this dude being irrelevant in 6 months (that would happen in a perfect world but god knows big loud mountain will buy this guy a second hit) but i got off topic and lost my train of thought

the worst part is he just dropped a new single and…i kinda don’t hate it i guess, it’s not as bad as fix but it still fits more into top 40 pop than country it actually sounds like it could be a maroon 5 song now that they’ve stopped caring about making quality music so i guess i like it in a guilty pleasure kind of way i’m sure in 3 months i’ll be sick of it though

I had the unfortunate luck of hearing this rancid thing on the radio this morning, on Go Country 105 FM here in Los Angeles (which, except for the couple of hours on Sunday mornings when they play older and more classic material, I call “Bro Country 105”), and it really is as Trigger has advertised. All the hallmarks of Bro-Country plus references to cocaine and meth in this terrible excuse for a “modern country” song add up to a whole new variation on this dreadful sub-genre: BROCAINE. That “mainstream country” radio stations and listeners can still accept this shit after four years as gold is maddening.

‘To even call Chris Lane a puppet would be to assign him a modicum of free will he likely does not possess. His job is to spend two hours a day in the gym, get his hair cut three times a week, and otherwise shut the fuck up while the men in suits behind-the-scenes make him a superstar so they can pay off their bass boats and bloated mortgages in Nashville’s swanky Belle Meade neighborhood, and make their dreams of becoming the next Scott Borchetta a reality.’

Way to end this with a bang ….no pun intended !

Trigger …this entire article is not only amongst your best no-hold-barred pieces but rightly and justifiably so within and without the mandate and mission of your website. Terrifically honest and engaging work ..passionate , clever , infused with your own style and effective , in large part , because of that style.