Fourth in a Series of Five Blogs on Calculating Your Chances for Sustaining Love

B is for Beliefs-The Fifth Letter in SCRUBCO

Beliefs is a term we use to refer to a person’s constructs regarding the world and his or her relationship to others. So we’re not necessarily referring to religious beliefs in this instance. In fact we’ve known many happy marriages where each spouse follows a different religious path. ‘Beliefs’ in this instance is more about culture and values rather than which church, synagogue or mosque each person attends. An example of conflicting beliefs is when one party views the world as a dangerous, unwelcoming place where people who they perceive to be different from them are to be distrusted and disregarded while the other party views the world as welcoming and seeks to make as many authentic connections with his or her fellow humans as possible. Sometimes these beliefs are passed down through culture or class bias.

The struggles couples have when dealing with conflicting beliefs are insidious and present themselves in various ways throughout the life of a relationship. We see these struggles surface when parties are prioritizing time, addressing work issues, extraneous relationships, how money should be spent, and child rearing practices. But it certainly isn’t limited to those topics. In order to work through contradictions in beliefs and constructs, couples need to be willing to communicate with honesty, respect and trust. The enormous hurdle to contradictory beliefs is that it sometimes erodes the initial good will each party may have held for the other.

As always, we love to hear from you. We especially love to hear your stories. Have you ever been in a relationship where you had a very different world view than your partner? How did you handle it? Drop us a line.