Monday, May 18, 2009

The Bachelorette Musings - Hot Dog Jillian - Season Premiere

Well ... here goes nothing. It's my BS bullet points against the Sports Gal's tweets. (2,000 followers already!) You be the judge. This should also be interesting cuz I only know what I skimmed regarding the most shocking season in Bachelor history!

Jillian, I don't even know you, but 1) you run weird and 2) you drop the cliches with the best of them: "open my heart", "let my walls down", "I don't give an s what he puts on his hot dog." Er. Wait.

Just re-read last season's premiere blog. Looks like I was then referring to Jillian as 'Canada.' I think we can do better than that this season.

Who had 9 minutes in the breakdancing footage pool? You win.

We're 5 dudes in and they're all douches. One of them just said "I'm a catch because I just graduated from law school and I'm an attorney at law."

Look, people. If you think Jake is trying to be an average pilot ... well, I mean, you're just dead wrong. He's looking to be an artist pilot ... or a pilot artist. I don't quite get it but he's trying to make art out of flying single prop planes I guess.

How much would I pay for Harrison to go hyperbolic with the word "douchiest?"

Her dress is fully ruined. It's like she's wearing a mop around her feet.

There's a developing epidemic on the Bachelor/Bachelorette: the "I don't mean to be rude, but can I steal him/her" move. Is there anything that can be done about this? Should anything be done about this? There may or may not be hours of debate waiting for us.

This guy's name is Tanner F? 1) Giggle. 2) Does this mean there's two dudes named Tanner on this show?

That's Juan from Santa MONicaaaaaaaaaa!! (This joke was not meant for everyone.)

One of the out-douched just drew on Jillian's finger. And she's eating it up. I did not see that coming.

Guitar guy kinda makes me miss LeeLee from way back and all her horrificness.

Okay, look, I'm a man. I'm 40. Come at me, etc. With all that said, Breakin' 2: Mike from Astoria seems to be a legit cool dude. But actually cool, not the played out cool that Jillian keeps using.

The guy with the worst first impression ever knows random ass stats about first impressions? In all seriousness, what are the chances?

Speaking of stats, the most insignificant twist in Bachelor history gets an unreasonable response. Your chances dropping from 1/25 to 1/30 does not equate to bombs being dropped.

I just realized I am directly in the age range of all these dudes. I just stared at a blinking cursor for 60 seconds here. There are no words.

Attention, everyone. I have important news. The other Tanner's last initial is P! Best Bachelorette season ever.