The last days of January passed swiftly and now we're well into February. My life has been quietly content lately consisting of a steady rhythm of class, work, and homework. I've still been snapping blog photos (the photography aspect has always been my favorite part), but have been uninspired to post. A little afraid to post, actually.

All four of my classes are writing intensive senior level courses. Between them, I feel like my head is spinning continuously around grammar and leads and citations and newsworthiness. Writing a single sentence anymore exhausts me because my writing has become so stripped. It no longer exists for inspiration, but conformity. In a sense, it is good. I've found that my writing sucks, to be honest. Everything I've learned about up to this point seems to be wrong, and it embarrasses me to look at anything I've written before this past semester. My professors are fine tuning me to write concise, brief, and clear. In part, it's what I need to grow as a writer. It still feels like the joy in writing has been sucked out of me and replaced with stark formality. Every hobby has a transition period though where it is tough to abandon old way, however, the end result is well worth the trials.

Last night I couldn't sleep. It was one of those nights when you're trying to calm your thoughts, but they end up becoming a swirling, angry wasp nest when disturbed. It sounds annoyingly over-the-top, but sometimes I can't bare the thought of not making it to New York. I miss it with such fervor that I am simply unable to explain how I feel. If I even tried, it would seem like I was a twelve-year old girl expressing her undying love for Harry Styles. I feel that desperate and out of touch sometimes. It is a dependency I've never experienced about anything in my life. My passion both scares and excites me.

It sounds crazy, and even my overly sensible character enters panic at the thought, but I may just move to New York without a job. I'm in the process of applying to places and I know that is is so early yet. (Too early really for anyone to consider hiring me). I am prepared though to still pursue a life out there even if I am not able to secure a job. The logistics in my mind of this desperate dream go off the charts...but I feel as though if I don't get there now: I never will.

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lovely little notes:

With that kind of a drive to get to New York, I can't not see you making big things happen, and that's exciting and inspiring to watch. I'll be praying for you as you work through this journey, that God would open doors you never dreamed of chasing and that you would be filled with the peace that passes all understanding. :)

From what I've read on your blog, I think you won't have any trouble at all securing a job in New York. However, if you don't, I think you should totally move there anyway.

Maybe you'll have to start off in a coffee shop (work in a coffee shop is always available for someone with experience), living a bit further than you would like outside of the city to be able to afford rent. But then you just keep on applying for fashion jobs. You network, you get to know customers and suddenly one can tell you of a job they heard of that is perfect for you.

Don't give up on your dream - just keep working towards it, and it will happen, just maybe with an extra ten or so steps you have to work through first.

I know what you mean by feeling like your writing sucks after taking a college writing class. I LOVE to use tons of words and go on and on because in my mind I know exactly what I am saying and want to get across but it always killed me when teachers would cut out so many parts of my writing and I felt like I wasn't left with anything! However, those classes definitely grow us as writers. -Madisonwww.1minniemuse.blogspot.com

My friend, Bailey, moved to NYC without a job after college (she lived at home for six months to save up as much money as she could in between), worked in retail for a year doing as much as she could in the literary world in her spare time and now she works full-time in publishing, exactly what she set out to do. No matter what, if you want it, you'll get there. :) Reach out if you ever want to chat with her-- I'd be happy to internet-introduce you two!

Not quite New York, but I left my small village in England and headed north to Scotland and moved to Edinburgh with no home and no job to go to. If anything it just makes you push yourself harder, do more, be more, and live more. I've been here almost two years now and have a full time job after a year of interning and living on next to nothing, now I can finally afford to live a little more comfortably! Never be afraid to follow your dreams.

I’m Lauren. A 23 year old recent transplant to NYC and the blogger behind this nook of the internet. This is the place where I write out my soul, bare my heart, and welcome you to do the same. Grab a warm cup of something and stay awhile. x