The 2010 Winter Television Season: Monday

Everyone thinks that the fall is the best season for television: that’s when networks make a big whoop-de-doo about all their shiny new shows and when cliffhangers from the previous season are resolved in generally unsatisfactory ways. But those of us who are professional teevee viewers know the big secret: television doesn’t actually get serious until sometime in January. You have to wait until the beginning of the year for your American Idol, your Lost, Big Love, 24. And the wait is well worth it.

So now that the wait is over, what will you be watching this winter?

Yes, the Winter Television Guide has, indeed, been previously published in its entirety in Tubular. But to make it a little more digestible, I thought we could break it down day by day, and discuss exactly what our DVRs will be recording this winter.

Richard Phibbs/The CW

Pretty people being pretty while doing pretty things…must be a CW show.

And we’re finally at the last night of our television guide: Monday. Monday nights are solid — not GREAT! necessarily, but certainly solid. Tubular will be DVring Life Unexpected and Gossip Girl because we can’t resist pretty people, 24 (duh), Heroes because we have Stockholm syndrome, Parenthood because of the cast, and the Showtime series, because they are the most interesting things on this night, if not the most comfortable to watch. What about you? What will you be watching?

Showtime has decided to play coy with their preview clips this winter, despite the fact that this season of Call Girl debuts in a couple weeks. But from what I’ve read around the intertoobz, Belle is falling for her book editor, which is something of a career risk when you are in the the, um, adult entertainment industry. Also, something about Bambi hooking up with a duke in a storyline that I suspect won’t last but a couple episodes. Maybe.

Tracey Ullman is like broccoli. Either you LOVE ZOMG SO MUCH broccoli, or you can’t stand the idea of broccoli. But one generally does not have neutral feelings about broccoli. Tracey Ullman is the same. Either you love you some Tracey Ullman, or you find her and her impersonations incredibly grating. There is no inbetween. Anyway, she’s back with her shtick, but I bet those of you who love her already knew that.

It was touch-and-go there for a while for Chuck. The adorable series has its fans, but apparently not enough to guarantee a third season pick-up. And so, after a weird “Save Chuck” campaign that somehow involved Subway sandwiches, Chuck was renewed for 13 episodes, which was then stretched to a 19-episode pick-up. This season looks to explore the ramifications of Chuck having downloaded the entirety of the Intersect into his brainhole. And, from what I’ve read, Brandon Routh, Angie Harmon, Armand Assante, Vinnie Jones, Kristin Kreuk, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and Robert Patrick will all have guest appearances this season. As will a lot of Subway sandwiches. A whole lot.

Poor Parenthood. Once upon a time, Parenthood, a sitcom about a multi-generational family based on the 1989 Ron Howard film, was supposed to be NBC’s Wednesday night anchor for the 2009 fall season. But then one of its stars, Maura Tierney, was suddenly diagnosed with breast cancer, and the series was pushed to midseason. Then, they decided to replace the talented Maura Tierney altogether with the talented Lauren Graham. In the meantime, an ABC series on Wednesday nights about a multi-generational family called Modern Family came out of nowhere and was immediately lauded by critics and audiences alike as being the savior of the family sitcom. Like I said, poor Parenthood. Especially since the cast is fairly impressive: including the aforementioned Lauren Graham, there’s Craig T. Nelson, Bonnie Bedelia, Peter Krause, Mae Whitman, Erika Christensen, Dax Shepard, and Monica Potter. So remember this unfortunate series of events when this series debuts in March, and try to resist the urge to call it a rip-off of Modern Family, please. For the sake of my temper.

Kristen over at E! says that Nurse Jackie is set to be a “pricklier” series this season. Which is alarming, as Nurse Jackie, as good as it is, is already like being jabbed with needles for 30 minutes every week. Jackie is facing the consequences of her choices, and is lacking easy access to drugs. Sounds fun!

Tara’s multiple personalities are apparently getting increasingly out of control, which is fairly remarkable, seeing as “Gimme,” the poncho-goblin, didn’t appear to have any form of control at all last season. Well, best of luck to ya, Gregson family.