Archive for November 2011

I found out even more details from my weekend in California: Apparently, I told my brother’s friends who are expecting their first child together, that their unborn baby was going to be an asshole. This was shortly after I put my sunglasses on after it got dark and told everyone I was Cher. I’m good at making new friends…

Last Thursday was our Halloween party at work. I managed to stay away from the buckets of candy but still wanted to participate in the decorating contest. My team thought we’d show off our artistic side by hanging a garbage bag from the ceiling, coloring a ghost face on it, and taping some plastic insects to the body. Shockingly, we didn’t win.

That Friday we went to go see “Paranormal Activity 3″ before heading to my girlfriend’s for a little Halloween get together/sleepover. Yes, 25 year-olds still have sleepovers… Ghost stories and tickle fights in our underwear all night. After having my butt cheeks clenched from fear for the duration of “PA3″, I was looking forward to a relaxing night with friends. We decided to stop and get some snacks to bring on the way and I ended up eating half the bag of salt and vinegar chips before we even got there. It always makes you look like a good party guest when you hand the host a half-eaten bag of chips. I posted up next to the food bowls for like the first half hour I was there… and then fell asleep shortly after. After I woke up in the morning, I went ahead and polished off all the left over snacks that were still in bowls on the counter. I felt disgusting, especially because I was running late and had to go straight to pilates without brushing my teeth.

While Everyone went out to the bars in costume that Saturday, I stayed in and ate Thai food while watching 6 hours of “Breaking Bad”.

I finished my weekend with a seven mile run and a delicious meal of roasted vegetables and quinoa.

This past Saturday I woke up early to get in a good cardio session before I went to pilates at 11:15. My instructor made us do this move called “The Clam” and, despite what I thought given the name, it made my ass sore and not my vagina.

That night I met up with some friends to watch football around 5. I decided I was drunk, hungry, and wanted to be in sweatpants around 7:30 so I stumbled to the Thai place across the street from my apartment and ordered a family sized meal. I’m talking like 6 boxes of food. I managed to polish off the spring rolls in the 2 block walk back to my apartment and then finished off the rest once I got on my couch. I probably looked like Jabba the Hutt going to town on that shit.

That Sunday wasn’t much better. I was nursing a hangover and desperately needed to go grocery shopping. Since I didn’t feel like I should be seen in public, I decided to work with what I had. Let’s just say I ate a lot of mustard sandwiches that day in between watching shitty movies like “Enough” starring Jennifer Lopez.

MAX Story of the Week: So this wasn’t on the MAX but at the bus stop, I saw two blind people making out… canes in hand. Think they told each other they were super models?

Vegan Reason: Dairy cows are considered the most cruelly treated animals in factory farms. They are kept constantly pregnant, and their male calves, considered byproducts, are put to death almost instantly.