Sunday, April 8, 2012

EASTER!

day of sun & easter eggs & bunnies & joy :)

well ok, i just feel sleepy, but that's my undiagnosed subclinical narcolepsy for ya. went for easter vigil for the first time in forevah. congrats e on getting baptized! it was actually quite nice, going w the cms peeps. clare was like falling asleep during the long prayers wahaha i genuinely was worried she might fall down and get a traumatic HI but luckily never. and it was quite funny cos they had this videolink thingy and e was like in the front so everyone could basically see everything he was doing hahaha.

trawling through my computer to delete files to make way for all the notes i keep downloading, i keep finding things like poems people have sent me which are beautiful but i have no idea who wrote them?!

rainbow trouts amongst other things. and something about pyrotechnics. really lovely. the kind of thing where you are dying to know who wrote but its impossible to trace back so many yrs. well i mean there are only so many people who send me poetry, it can hardly be robert frost msn-ing me, sounds like adam actually haha. he prob isnt reading this but anyway to whoever wrote it, it's good.

and reading msn convos where i realise how much i subsumed myself into the turns of speech of my friends to the point that even tho the words are in different colors sometimes i cant figure out who is saying what. although maybe its just that birds of a feather... yeah. haha. good times. although also thank goodness i dont spend my time philosophizing on msn anymore, not that i engage in any other cooler activities...

so anyway HAPPY EASTER to anyone who celebrates it! just glad that this yr i have become more mature spiritually [hopefully] & very aware of the differences in my thinking between now & the holy weeks i can remember, anyway. not becos i expect to win the lottery tmr or anything, it really isnt a tradingcard game, but maybe it just makes me feel more content. i think when i was younger, like in sec sch, i had a lot of burning hopes & dreams and i really used to get v crushed when they didnt get realised, and blame it on, i dunno, everything. but now, maybe becos er my dreams of medicine have obviously already been realised hahaha, i just feel a whole lot more content & able to block out negativities. unless of cos people are REALLY DIRECTLY nasty & its a long day and yea i mean, med/ surg can break people, occasionally. but i no longer have the urge to find people urgently on msn to pour out my grieviances or anything hahah. i dont know. there just seems to be a whole lot more peace & contentment floating around, even tho life is STILL not perfect. so, for that peace, i think that's the thing i am most grateful for.

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sanctus real ride it out

And ride it out through the sea of doubtThe wind will take you where you're meant to beThe waves will break when your Creator speaksAnd when it's over you will clearly seeThat the storm was only there to show you what it takes to believe

I know you and I, we can make it through make it through

When crashing waves pull you down in the undertow

Reach out your hand and I swear I won't let you go

Shine down Your light so I can see

credits to thought catalog

Thank you for the pain. Thank you for the days I was afraid of my future, for the heartbreak, for the tough lessons, for the exhaustion and brokenness. Because I learned I am whole in you.

Thank you for the unanswered prayers.

Because this life is not about receiving what I ask for, not about basing my relationship with you on what I get, not about wishes being granted and having things my way. For your plan is greater than mine will ever be. And every unanswered prayer was a blessing in disguise.

Thank you for being all that I needed. For listening when I poured my heart out, for guiding me when I lost my footing, for being a source of inspiration and trust, for staying when the world turned its back.

Thank you for forgiveness. For forgiving me, for helping me learn to forgive, for the way forgiveness heals and saves and lets us begin again with new hope. Thank you for building my heart back to its full strength. Thank you for showing me how beautiful life can be when we let go. Thank you for opportunities, for new beginnings.