Todays ramblings about my Journey. Emotions and Me.

I am at the stage of my fitness journey where I don’t quite now where to focus on next. I know what I want. I also know that achieving everything at once is next to impossible. So I am making a list and in the future I hope to check mark each item off. I believe focusing on one area at a time will benefit me in my sanity. And I don’t just mean arms, legs and such. I mean bulk, cutting, abs, strength. It’ll all fall into place eventually. I just have to get my head around it.

Now, I was concentrating on leaning out so I could get abs. I was having a hard time emotionally and physically with my workouts because it was such a drastic change in diet. One doesn’t realize how a diet effects your life until you change it. But that’s not just all, I had some social pressure I let get to me. I had a few people who’s opinion I hold near and dear tell me I was too skinny. And to me, that was devastating. Because these weren’t the friends who don’t work out and eat healthy. These were my closest workout family and friends. I don’t even think they realize how it effected me. I don’t want to be skinny. I want to be muscular. But to achieve poppin’ Abs you must get your body fat percentage down. For someone like me who has extra “fat” over my abs it can’t be done by just eating clean and working out. So I turned to Carb Cycling which was working out well until my mental breakdown. Because I was losing fat in every other area of my body. My legs, my arms, my back, my neck and my face. My core was leaning out but it would have taken a few more weeks and I’m not sure I was ready for it. No one really understood why it was happening and my sensitivity to my change in body was too great.

So, as of March first I quit Carb Cycling and decided to work on Muscle grown. That was what I’ve been concentrating on. Although, At some point a week ago I fell off the eating clean band wagon, had a cheat meal, and never quite got back on. Sure, I’ve had healthy meals this last week. But I’ve ate more junk this last week than I have so far this year! That is a mental issue. Every time I’d be faced with a decision to eat it or not I’d think about someone telling me I’m too skinny and I’d justify it. So, I’m back on my clean eating kick as of now and I’m ditching the junk… again. I’m sticking to my 1800-2000 clean calories with a break down of 40% Carbs, 30% protein, and 30% fat.

I’ve hitting doubles for a few weeks now. Lifting weights 5 times a week. Hitting the gym 3 times a week, fit club, and yoga with one day off. I’ll be working on muscle growth this month and hope that I can put on 5lbs this month in muscle. Not FAT. Therefore I’m laying off the junk. If I’m going to gain, I really want to make sure its not Fat. I’m hoping the cardio will help burn any access fat and the increased calories and Heavy weight I’ll promote muscle growth.

If anyone else has had experience with emotional distress I’d love to hear about it in the comments below. Thanks for listening to my ramblings today.

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2 thoughts on “Todays ramblings about my Journey. Emotions and Me.”

You tell anyone and everyone that says your too skinny that it is your life and your body! From my point of view, as long as your BMI is in an athletic or healthy level, you are fine! If your BMI drops below a healthy level, then that changes things!

Do I like the new you? Certainly! Did I like the old you? Of course!
Personally, I still think you made your hiney too small, but Bob’s opinion on that subject is the one that counts!