“Treasure night soil as if it were gold.” ~ Chinese Proverb highlighting the value – then and now – of our fecal waste….

Every time I brush my teeth here in our Kwuirky Kondo I can’t help but think about just how much night soil matter may be involved. I know some people who suffer diarrhea of the mouth, but in a literal sense?! But it doesn’t have to be this way….

So why do the bathrooms of the East and West differ so dramatically? Why is it that engineering and architecture across cultures can diverge so significantly for the exact same biological processes that all humans share? Not to be “anal” about the subject, but “bearing down” the origins of modern design helps to “shower” us with more than a few reasons.

For most of recorded history people around the world got their water from springs, rivers or wells, which self-limited consumption to what could be carried. Since it was so hard to get and transport, water was treated much more as a scarce and valuable resource than it is today. Solid waste was kept in cesspits to be emptied by “night soil men” who would then sell it as fertilizer or otherwise dispose of the unwanted byproduct. Liquid waste from the home was sometimes thrown into the road, to which the French exclamation “gardyloo” (garde à l’eau), or “mind the water!” warning would alert passersby.

In the West the Romans really kicked off our modern approach to toilets with massive civil engineering projects a few thousand years ago. The idea of Turkish and Asian baths placed the Middle and Far East on a much different trajectory. But it was a cholera epidemic in London in the mid-1800s that really brought the modern Western bathroom to bear. Realizing that excrement mixed with drinking water generally equaled death, the march was on to pump clean and safe water directly into homes. Pipes carrying clean water under pressure became the standard in the west, but with some rather unforeseen consequences.

Although the idea of a flush toilet had been around for many centuries, it was the convenient and 24/7 water supply that led to its explosion as the primary means of personal waste removal. People rushed to install handy flush toilets, and the demand and nature of the resulting necessary architectural engineering lead down a narrow path of thought.

Initially the architects and homeowners of the late 19th century simply replaced bedroom washstands with sinks and taps, and had to “find” somewhere to place the toilet. Since they were literally often placed, in the early days, into closets, the origin of the term “water closet” becomes obvious. However, it was certainly easier and less expensive to run plumbing to one central location, rather than all over the house. Ah, the birth of the modern Western bathroom.

As this idea matured, wood was replaced with porcelain and tile (or other impermeable stone) in a nod to defeating microbes as more and more people realized the danger of germs. But such materials don’t come cheaply, and as the bathroom continued to become more and more mainstream, it necessarily got smaller and smaller in order to contain cost. Oh, and there certainly was no reason to keep the sinks, showers and toilets all in separate spaces; the plumbers instead simply lined all these features up in a row and ended up using much less pipe. By the early 20th century, the bathroom became more or less standardized and commonplace throughout the West, and relatively indistinguishable from the ones in use today.

But in the East, the emphasis was placed on much different concerns than mere cost and convenience. Rather, the idea of cleanliness became paramount, and ritual and relaxation overruled economies of scale and installation. In short, human wants and needs took precedence over the dictations of plumbers. Oh, and they probably lacked those pesky trade unions that do little else but jack up prices and stretch a 4-hour job over two weeks.

That’s a kitchen counter. Right next to the toilet!

From an Eastern perspective, it’s hard to find things we Westerners actually got right in our bathrooms. The high toilets that we sit upon are contrary to the medical claim that our bodies were engineered to squat. Squat toilets remain commonplace throughout Asia, much to the chagrin of many a Western tourist. Sinks are generally much too low to facilitate washing, so much so that Jody and I, when we remodeled all three baths in our home in Pensacola, purposely put in kitchen counters to elevate our wash basins. Showers are generally severe fall hazards, especially the ones that require a high step over the edge of a tub. The tiny rooms we build and outfit are often inadequately ventilated, and then we proceed to fill that space with a densely toxic cloud of chemicals ranging from nail polish remover to bleach tile cleaner. When we flush solid waste down the toilet, we also unknowingly swoosh nasty fecal-bathed bacteria into the air, where it unfailingly lands on our toothbrush located just a meter away. And when we take a bath and bathe, we sit mired in our own muck, completely defeating the purpose of the bath to begin with.

The American/Western shower is a source of incredible waste and inefficiency, even though it may feel amazing when you have the rain can, shower head, and all three body sprayers going at the same time. Thank about it – even when you don’t really need the water, like during lathering with soap or shampoo, the water continues to run constantly. One usually stands on tile or in a tiny restrictive porcelain tub that’s already slick when dry; such a surface can become downright dangerous when wet! When we actually do care about water waste, mostly based on cost as opposed to environmental concerns, we either take short showers, or install those really miserable low-flow shower heads that more spit on you than stream. In the Navy aboard ship we suffer BOTH insults.

Waterproof Bathing Room!

However, things are different in the Far East. Here the Japanese flirt with their facilities in an ages-old ritual developed with much different aims in mind. The shower/bath is usually contained in a waterproof room. That’s right – WATERPROOF! I mean it is tiled floor to ceiling, and the ceiling itself is water-resistant. Aside from the bath’s drain, there is a drain for the room, the low point of the gently sloping floor. Light fixtures are sealed, and power receptacles have waterproof covers (and of course are grounded). It is a fabulous idea, both for cleaning your body, AND for cleaning the room!

So in the shower area – which is just a big open area of the room – one sits on a stool. A bucket, sponge, ladle and hand shower are available for washing. There is no shower curtain to get nasty with mold and mildew, and the hand shower is only turned on when needed. To shower, one fills the bucket with hot water from the spigot and ladles oneself wet. When done lathering, the ladle or the hand shower is used to rinse. Often to end the shower one simply dumps the remainder of the bucket over one’s head. Besides being a more relaxing experience (sitting versus standing), some claim that it only uses 10% of the water compared to a Western shower. Maybe. Way less in any case.

An original deep-soak tub in a Machiya, Kyoto, Japan. It’s set about another foot into the ground.

But that is only half of the story. In that same room is a tub, but one much different from which Westerners are accustomed. Japanese bathtubs (ofuro) are not for cleaning; they are for soaking. In other words, Far Eastern tubs are for cleansing the spirit and mind, and only are used AFTER the body has been cleansed of more tangible dirt as described above. Thus, the tubs are DEEP but short in length. They are designed to be filled fully, and the soaker to sit with their heads back and knees close to their chests. The position is thought to heighten a sense of meditation, or at least relaxation. I can assure you this: I will, after having tried many Asian-sized deep-soak tubs, take depth over length any day! In fact, it makes me want to turn that deep sink back home into a soaking tub. Heck, the room is already almost waterproof as is…if only it had a floor drain.

Even Japanese cats Soak….

By the way, there is another important difference in Japan’s baths: on-demand, gas-fired water heaters. Yeah, those tubs are deep and hold a LOT of water. But don’t fret. There is literally an unlimited supply of piping hot water in Japan, at least until your gas supply runs out. The water is heated almost instantaneously but only when demanded, and comes to temperature in seconds. A digital control panel allows you to specify the temperature exactly, and there generally are not any annoying anti-scalding devices between you and a 48 degree C bath. In Japan they like their water HOT, and won’t accept anything lukewarm. Yep, the Japanese actually trust you, a grown adult with a vast amount of experience in bathing, with ensuring your own bathing safety. Oh, and since the water remains clean, the water is re-used across the generations often present in a Japanese household.

Toilet Room quite separate and distinct from the bathing area.

Another aspect of Japanese bathrooms is quite noticeable and makes perfect sense: never, ever do you find the toilet in the same room as the tub and shower. In their minds, this is beyond logic. Why on earth would you do the dirtiest of deeds in the same room where you try to get the cleanest of cleans? Or, to make it cute: don’t brush where you flush! Makes you really think about Western bathroom design…. And the American solution of putting a tiny old-tyme W.C. within a larger bathroom? Doesn’t cut it in Japan.

In many toilet facilities in Japan a separate dedicated pair of slippers are used only in the toilet area. While you may be wearing house slippers or socks while enjoying the home, a necessary switch to toilet slippers is required to use the toilet. These toilet slippers are considered soiled and are never allowed in any part of the home. In hotels with shared facilities or at some tourist attractions, this switching of footwear is a crucial part of bathroom etiquette.

Finally, even though you might be in a Japanese-style dwelling, it’s quite possible that a more Western style bathroom is provided. But even then, Japan’s toilets are high-tech, a fascinating aspect of the Far East to which I’ve already dedicated a blog: see Moaning Myrtle and Bowel Movements. In summary, a control panel like you might find on the Starship Enterprise offers various options, including music, bidet wash, hot-air blow dryer, seat warmer and other sound and olfactory systems designed to mask the smells and noises of a particularly troublesome session of #2.

The deep-soak tub we installed after remodeling our master bathroom.

While we may not be able to import many of these aspects to our already built home back in the states, we will take with us perhaps the most radical, revolutionary change in bathroom engineering of the ages: heated toilet seats! Whether or not you agree with any of the differences thus discussed, there’s not one of you out there that’s going to turn their nose up at a nice, warm, padded throne.

Our non-slip sizeable shower. We even have a teak stool in the hidden corner!

And if we ever have a home-built, Jody and I will refuse to be mere “stool” pigeons in accepting some run-of-the-mill bathroom design. No, instead we will “bear down” and “strain” ourselves in perfecting our water closet’s design, reworking the plans until we’re “cramping” from fatigue. We’ll reach deep into the “bowels” of our minds to remember these aspects of design, and “flush” them onto paper, preferably a little more durable than TP. And once finished, we will bask, bath, and yes – even defecate in the full glory of our water-centric facilities.

And thanks to the blending of the best of East meets West, our toothbrushes will, for the most part, remain night soil-free. Can you say that about yours?!?

“Psychiatry’s chief contribution to philosophy is the discovery that the toilet is the seat of the soul.” ~ Alexander Chase

“Castro couldn’t even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet.” ~ Richard M. Nixon

“Today, the degradation of the inner life is symbolized by the fact that the only place sacred from interruption is the private toilet.” ~ Lewis Mumford

Weirdly funny Japanese toilet commercial

Hanako-san, Poltergeist of the Privy

Using the toilet in Japan can be, at first, a quite scary endeavor. Hanako-san (トイレのはなこさん “Hanako of the toilet”) is a Japanese urban legend about the spirit of a spooky young World War II-era girl who haunts school bathrooms across Japan. She allegedly appears when one says her name three times. Three figures prominently with this Asian version of Harry Potter’s Moaning Myrtle, although not nearly as entertaining, cute, and perhaps with a much naughtier twist.

Moaning Myrtle naughtily checking out Harry’s “Junk”

According to the legend, a person who wishes to see Hanako-san must go to the third stall in the girls’ bathroom on the third floor and knocks three times before saying her name…you guessed it, three times. After that, if that person still has the “guts” (pun intended) to enter, she will encounter a small, young girl with bobbed black hair, dressed in a red skirt. Note to self: avoid the third stall when I try to convince Jody to take a break for some afternoon delight (wink).

TP must be scared of ghosts….

Grades and Ghosts

Hanako-san is a popular and widespread urban legend, often used by school children as a rite of courage or as a method of hazing. Depending on the agenda at hand, Hanako-san acts as a mischievous, malevolent or benign wraith of the water closet. And, of course, there are widespread claims that anyone courageous enough to open the door after taunting the spirit is immediately pulled into the toilet.

And, in what I can only conclude as a truly devious plan of various school administrations and PTA’s working in close, secret collusion, it is said that one ever needs to get rid of this particular poltergeist – and this is where a really cool urban takes a detour directly to nerd-ville – showing her a graded exam with a perfect score (or “good grades”) makes her vanish into thin air. Ah, youth: always wasted on the young.

Apricot Wash?? And, are we to assume that apricots have bung-holes in need of washing?!? See below.

A Westerner’s first interaction with a modern Japanese bathroom can be like a Close Encounter of the Third Kind. In fact, sitting on one of their electronic toilets, I often find myself thinking of myself as Admiral William Adama, firmly in command of the Battlestar Galatica, where I can inquire with my XO (2nd in command), “Who does Number Two work for!!?!!”

The pictures here of Japanese facilities are from Kansai Airport near Osaka, Japan. Kansai happens to be my favorite airport in the world, and is consistently in the 10 ten list of best airports since it opened. And tickle-my-fanny and color-me-crazy, how bathrooms in Japan have changed from their traditional “squatters.”

Lucky, this one has non-skid pads for your feet, and a bar to bear down on.

This graphic is just full of crap!

Yep, you can still find these historical holes, and in some places, this is your only option if you really gotta go. In fact, Jody and I both found ourselves in dire need of relief recently in Kyoto. Out on a hike through the Arashiyama (嵐山) “path of bamboo,” we had no choice but to use such facilities. Now, neither of us is a fan of these squats-and-squirts. One of my favorite (and only) jokes about the difference between Air Force and Naval Aviators is this: “flare to land, squat to pee….” As the joke implies, squatting can be somewhat emasculating, especially for a Westerner who’s squatting muscles are not quite limber enough for such a laboratory. Luckily, many have directions for use, and if you’re really lucky, you have a squat bar to hang onto and bear down on. I can neither confirm nor deny if I have ever played the role of the mad crapper as pictured; as a trained bombardier-navigator, I will admit I’m rather ashamed of my…”accuracy.”

Moral of the Story: carry a mask, just in case!

Before we get knee-deep in more potty humor, john jokes and privy puns, we find that modern bathrooms in Japan are extremely well-appointed. There is a fold-down false floor that can be used for changing clothes. And how many times do you wish you had THAT? For me, often enough to think of the Japanese as porcelain prodigies for considering this eventuality.

There is hand and toilet seat sanitizer provided, along with handles for those times where a little additional leverage is required to make your movements properly. There is a nifty wall-mounted child seat nearby and of course a video screen for enhanced entertainment. Personally, I have always considered the toilet a quiet refuge from the world where, in my middle age, I seem to get the majority of my reading done. My entrails are not entertained.

But then we come to the throne, no one offers porcelain pride like the Japanese. They start with dual seat tops, for adults and children (why don’t we do that??). But, it gets immediately better: the seats raise and lower automatically, and are HEATED! You cannot imagine how agreeable this touch is on your tush. And all these comforts and conveniences are at your fingertips via remote control. Hell, you can even buy a toilet in Japan that operates via Bluetooth. Forget starting your car from your phone, I can remotely clean my ass in Japan all from my iPad, from which I can read, simultaneously.

Do you really need to control your toilet with your phone??

Yes, “showering” toilets have become the standard in Japan. I’m not sure what the difference between a commode’s “hip wash” and “bidet,” but I can assure you that the warning about not pushing the buttons without covering the commode (with hips or lips, as it were) is extremely well-founded. In a pinch, you could wash your hair with the result, standing up. And if your latrine requires a line diagram of a certain complexity and magnitude, you really should heed the warnings prior to using such a privy on your privates! Oh, and washing is not enough; the commodes also will dry your derriere. In a way, one can consider Japanese toilets as the car wash equivalent for your rump and bump.

Like at a car wash, pick your service carefully!

In Japan, the vernacular “water closet” is really the proper way to think of bathrooms. The rooms are generally waterproof, complete with floor drains, where water is used not just for washing hands, but for all those nether regions which seldom see the light of day…or have the opportunity for blow-dried hair styling (for those who don’t man-scape).

Shit happens. And in the Far East, as you can see and tell, that means just another amusing adventure.