Post navigation

The Day My Muse Sent Her Sister

“What did I do to deserve this?” I whined. She’d only visited once before, when I’d stopped writing and started wallowing in self-pity. I didn’t know why, but I knew I was in for it. My muse’s sister is a diva.

“Let’s get this over with,” she huffed. “I’ve got a manicure at three.”

I turned my chair to her. “Fine.”

She put her hand on her hip. “You’re not funny. I mean, your sense of humor is so dry, it needs a chaser. Or a shot of tequila. Or both.”

“Yeah, I know.”

She started ticking off my offenses on her fingers. “You’re sarcastic and snarky.”

“I’ve been called worse.”

“Every once in a great while, you manage a bit of wit but that’s it. And you’re completely crazy with your alliteration and internal rhyming.”

“I’m not the only one,” I mumbled.

“Also, the adverbs.”

“Whoa, now… I am firmly in the adverb camp. I don’t care what the ‘experts’ say, adverbs are very cool. Seriously.”

“Oh, and, you’re a commaholic. So there’s that.”

“Yes, well…”

“I’m running out of fingers to count your faults.” She crossed her arms and began tapping her foot. “What’s with the fragments?”

“Love ‘em. Huge fan. Big, big fan of fragments.”

She raised one eyebrow, “Not that I mind, personally, but you swear.”

“Sometimes. Like the smooth ones that effortlessly slide into a conversation and enhance the hell out of it.” I smiled. “I’m picturing Rhett standing by the door, ready to walk out but turning to Scarlett and saying, ‘Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.’ What a spectacular moment.”

“Actually, it was,” she swooned. “But watch your mouth.”

“No, no. See, I’m trying to be more…me. Not giving a damn what others think.”

“Honey, you should care what I think because… Eh, keep the swears. But I’m about to call the parentheses police on you!!!”

I bit my lip, “I do have a lot of those, don’t I? Still, would you mind not using so many exclamation points?” I held my stomach. “I think I’m exclamation point intolerant.”

“Excuse me?” She glared.

I lifted my chin and smirked. “Glares are fine.”

She flipped her hair over her shoulder. “You. Are impossible.”

“Was this supposed to help me with something?”

“No. I’m here for the fun of it. I love spending my time with writers,” she spat the word.

I leaned back in my chair. “Still not clear what this was supposed to accomplish.”

“Don’t even.”

“I won’t, erm, even.”

She looked around. “I do like what you’ve done with the place. It’s not me but,” she tapped her chin. “Very…you.”

“Thank you…” I waited.

“Are we done here?”

“Hey, you’re the one who…”

“Whatever.” She waved her hand. “You should cut back on the ellipses, too. When’s the new book coming out?”

“Ah. I see. Well, the collection of short fiction will be published this fall. The novel, next summer.”

“Good.” She was already walking away. “I’ll let Miss Muse know.”

Please check out Diana’s hilarious post about her muse. Thanks, Diana, for the fun read and inspiration to spend some quality, fictional time with our own muses. (Or, you know, their siblings.) 😉

Love it, Sarah. That diva has really got you pegged, hasn’t she? But I’m glad you stood up to her. I like the way you’ve redecorated. As she said, it’s really you!!! (By the way, I’d already read Diana’s hilarious post . . . ) Can’t wait for the new books. That shut her up. Good.

How fun! We writers were so inspired by Diana and her muse. As soon as I saw your photo of Scarlet, I was hooked. Your muse’s sister is so….HER. (P.S. I love adverbs too. And a fabulous fan of fragments….and alliteration.) 🙂

Diana really started something with her hilarious muse post. Definitely inspiring. 🙂 Woot! Another fan of fragments, adverbs, and alliteration.
(I loved that photo of Scarlett with this. It felt perfect.)

Brilliant girl! I see you have a saucy little muse there, somewhat related to Diana’s new taskmaster muse. I loved this and all the muse stories that have evolved from Diana’s beast! :)xx Ooh, and congrats on the next book. Remember I invited you to be my guest? I had planned September but things got shuffled and was going to get in touch with you soon anyway and ask if you’d like a spot in October. 🙂

Reblogged this on Myths of the Mirror and commented:
I’m delighted to share another muse post. This one by the very funny Sarah Brentyn at Lemon Shark. Her muse sent her diva sister over to harass Sarah. Hop over to Sarah’s blog for a laugh. 🙂

Would like to introduce her to my stolid daimon who has given up on the inspiration lark. He could do with a diva to liven him up. One thing: You are more than equal!!! Sorry to inject her stiletto exclamation points but didn’t know what else to do with them….

Sarah, this is great!! I’m giggling away at the attitude of the sister muse and smiling at your tolerant calm replies…brilliant post and a perfect read for a gloomy Sunday afternoon! Good luck with your short story collection this autumn! 😀❤️

Oh, geez. Now you’ve done it. I was very happy not knowing the answer to that question! (Yes, I used an exclamation point. My stomach was already bothering me, thank you.) 😉 Hi. Thanks for stopping by. I bet you’re thrilled you did.

We share the same vices. But, I think exclamation points show enthusiasm so what do they know? My main ill is forgetting to close my parentheses. Forgottenman always catches it, though. That and my its it’s oversights. I know better.. just my tragic flaw.

I’ve been looking for my muse, but after reading about your encounter with your Muse’s sister, the diva, it may be better to leave mine undisturbed. Also, if my muse’s crazy relatives are going to show up uninvited, I might have to enter the witness protection program. LOL!

I hope you find your muse but the danger of their relatives showing up is real. Witness protection might work. They’re magical so… Maybe they can still get to you. You can run, but you can’t hide? I’m not sure. Gah!