Thursday, February 25, 2010

So my girl K to the does Cubicle Chronicles. I can't bite her steez, but look at this um... odd business that goes on at my work place.

1. There's a chic who puts her make-up on EVERY morning in the bathroom at work. Putting on make-up in the bathroom after work makes sense, but in the morning? As antithesis would say for why? Stay at home for 15 more minutes in the morning and get your life together.

2. We have a manicurist in every Monday. Her nasty ass pours pedicure water in the kitchen sink. Needless to say I wash my own dishes (instead of putting them in the dishwasher) because only God knows what they've been exposed to.

3. There's a chic at my gig who dresses like a lifesize doll. I'm not even exaggerating. You could probably find everything in her closet at American Girl. Not only is she not age-appropriate, but she looketh a mess daily. I don't even have any words. Everyone is always telling her how cute she is (I keep my comments to myself). What business does at 40+ woman have being cute? That's what I want to know...

4. I sent out a message that says "Here's my out of the office schedule for March and April." Today is February 25 and I swear to you someone replied "Are you in the office today?" I have no words for these people.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

These quotes will only really be funny to you if you were there. Luckily for me, I was there and this will serve as a reminder of how awesome my weekend was with friends.

Just plain quotes:10. Damn, do I have to mix this vodka with dishsoap?

9. Text me!!!

8. I thought those were mine, so I just picked them up.

7. I'm a mormon.

6. I run LA

5. Guy: Y'all should come through. We got liquor and room service.

Conversations and stories:4. Guy: I'm gonna call your girl inspector GadgetT: What? Why?Guy: Because she was just like "I see remnants of Patron"My girl: *fingering the Patron sticker* "No, but for real, where's the Patron?"

3. So all weekend we had nonstop Twitter & bbming haters talmbout "Why would you go to AllStar" "Who goes to AllStar without game tickets" "Y'all not going hard enough" "No one at AllStar weekend is making me feel like I should have been there." On day 2 of the hating madness my girl responded politely, quizzically and almost under her breath:

My girl: "I don't understand their concern. They act like we're new to this... I mean... we DO this.T: Yes, yes, we do.

2. Hoodrat on the plane to her boyfriend: You a punk ass n****. Hell naw, I'm not putting no money in your account. DAYUM! It's Allstar weekend. I told you I was going to Dallas. Don't call me no mo til Monday you punk bitch!

1. On the side of the road. Becky* was in the street doing a breathalizer (Side note: She passed the test because she wasn't drunk. Coppers were just doing random stops) Susan to Marsha: If Becky goes to jail, that means we can't go to Whataburger.Marsha: Naw girl, we still going to Whataburger.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Have you participated in Tea's Spread the Warmth Challenge? So far (I think) I've bought about 6 or 7 cups of tea, coffee, soup or hot chocolate for people out in the cold. You know something is a habit when you lose count of how many times you've done it. I'm definitely want compassion for the homeless to be a habit.

You still have some time to do some good in the hood to win $100 from me. I'm changing the parameter a bit to encourage more participation:

All you have to do is one good deed for the homeless this winter. Leave a comment or send me an email telling me what you did and I'll pick somone at random from all the good deeds to give $100 to. How easy is that?

Please participate. I'm dying to see how my readers are making a difference with the homeless in their communities and lowkey I can't wait to reward someone with my hard earned money. That's not sarcasm either, I'm trying to make it rain.

Monday, February 22, 2010

I had no idea what men read or if men even read at all (No dis fellas), but here are some titles the fellas that follow me on Twitter are reading. If you're looking to pick up a book for your S.O., one of these might do the trick.

In order of responses:

1. The Bible

2. Cold Mountain by Charles Frazier

3. Book of Basketball by Bill Simmons

4. A book of poetry by Langston Hughes

5. A book about the great migration of blacks after slavery (he didn't send the title)

6. The Isis Papers by Dr. Francis Welsing

7. 1984 by George Orwell

8. The Conversation by Hill Harper

9. We Won't Budge by Manthia Diawara

10. House of Cards by William D. Cohan

Fellas reading the blog are these book selections on point? What other books have you read lately? Shoot me 2 more to round out the top 10.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

I'm sending out a prayer request for a Twitter friend @krimsundiamond. She's undergoing surgery for cancer of the kidney (I think) Friday. I only know her through Twitter, but I assume someone I know knows her outside of Twitter because I probably started following her after a RT.

PLEASE join me in a prayer (or several) for a successful surgery, a speedy recovery and a remarkable life to come for @krimsundiamond.

Her parents will be updating her blog after the surgery Friday and throughout the week. Tune in to get the victory report. To God be the glory. And please stop what you're doing to pray. Her life depends on it.

Sorry, for being morbid, but my mortality is apparent to me everyday, so I just want to let you all know a couple of things.

- If I die young, please don't let people talk about how I "went before my time." Whenever God says it's my time, that's my time and that's fine with me.

- Also, when I die, do not let people talk about what I aspired to be. I wake up every morning and live my life to the fullest. I work like there's no tomorrow. I party like there's no tomorrow. I praise God like there's no tomorrow. I put my all into EVERYTHING that I do from volunteering, to being a loyal friend, to work to vacation planning. I go hard. So if I die before you please tell everyone to talk about how awesome my life is (and was) and not about what it could have been.

- Last point, if I go right now, I feel like my life was worth it. I'm sure I've helped at least one person and helping just one person makes my life worthwhile. So yeah, if one of these planes crashes or I get shot at the club or get ran over by a CTA bus 1st) tell my mom to sue and get some money and 2nd) please miss me (should I even have to tell you all this), but 3rd) don't sit around talking about what I could've done or who I could've been. I'm fabulous right now, as is.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Most days I wake up and wish I was a man, especially on days when I'm bleeding like a horse and therefore it feels like Mike Tyson is punching me in my lower back for hours on end. When I'm in so much pain that tears just stream down my face in agony without me even noticing that I'm crying.

Yes, most days I want to be a man and here's why:

10. They run most businesses and while I'm not saying they're not qualified, I'm just saying if women started off on equal footing with men, then we'd be running more companies too.9. They get to be hoes (yes, I would like to be a slut, thanks for asking.)8. They get to choose to be married or single. (asking a man to marry you is wiggedy, wiggedy, wack)7. They get to procreate for about double the time women get to procreate (no biological ticking clock and therefore no aunties asking you when you're going to get married at the got damn family reunion)6. They don't have to deal with menstrual cramps (this really should be number one)5. They don't have to deal with childbirth which I heard is like cramps times 10 (or deadbeat dads for that matter)4. They don't [usually] have to deal with the dumb ass emotions we HAVE to deal with. Thanks estrogen.3. They don't have to have extensive wardrobes, or dye their hair when it turns gray or worry about wrinkles or cellulite. (though potbellies are not what's hot in the streets, so they DO need to work on that when they get middle-aged)2. They're fewer of them in the world than women, which makes mating that much easier for them.1. They're simple as shit.

The only time being a woman is really helpful is when you need something free. You can bat your eyes and perk your breasts up and you're good to go. But let's be clear, women who appear to be strong don't get free stuff. You have to play the part of helpless damsel in distress. Oh yes, I've done it. But I'd much rather just be a man with enough money to buy whatever I wanted. Or better yet I'd rather have my hat in the ring to be the ruler of the free world than to get on the CTA for free when I leave my bus pass at home (roughly $2.25 each way).

It's only when I wake up twisted and turned in bed with my hand, arm or elbow lying on my breast that I truly appreciate being a woman. Men don't have anything that compares to breasts. But yeah, other than breasts, being a man would be awesome.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

1. Flex - Party Boyz (this is my new favorite song right here. It's ignorantly delicious)2. Say Something - Drake3. Get Low - Ludacris4. On To The Next One - Jay-Z5. Oh, let's do it - Wack Flocka Flame6. Money To Blow - Drake7. Unstoppable - Drake (this is every party weekend's song)8. HoustAtlantaVegas - Drake (this is every out of town party weekend's song)9. Sex Therapy - Robin Thicke10. Daddy's Home - Usher

Sunday, February 14, 2010

You know that feeling you get when you're out of town and you just want to hurry up and finish everything you have to do and go to sleep early, so you can wake up and have an ontime flight JUST so you can get home to the arms of the one you love... yeah, me neither.

That said. It was a wonderful All-Star weekend. Another one for the books. Happy Valentine's Day to the lovers. The rest of us were kickin' it in Dallas this weekend. LOL!

Friday, February 12, 2010

*This is a long post, but totally worth it for anyone going through a loss or break-up*

Some women have phenomenal relationships with their fathers and their dads help see male roadblocks along the way and bounce back after break-ups. Thanks to Shape Magazine, the rest of us get to read about those girls with advice-giving dads. Better an article than nothing at all. :-)

Everything Has a Shelf Life: It took a bad break-up for one woman to learn how to nourish herself - body and soul. by Brooke Fisher Do Men come with nutritional labels we choose to ignore? This thought occurred to me on my eighth day of post-break-up grieving. The previous week hadn't been my most productive (think pj's, pints of ice cream and multiple viewings of Pretty in Pink). And of course, no mourning period would have been complete without the inevitable "What's Wrong With Me?" I was still wallowing when my father called. "Well," he said, "Everything has a shelf life." The first time I remember hearing that term was in my seventh-grade health class. Food that exceeds it's "use by" or "best before" date, my teacher explained, loss nutritional value and eventually goes rancid. The same thing, I realized, just might hold true for a relationship that's past it's prime: It not only fails to fortify you, it can even make you sick. My ex had become the equivalent of expired milk-spoiled and sour. Over the six years we dated, he'd turned increasingly judgmental and critical. I can't recall the first or second breakup, but by round four, his behavior had done quite a number on my self-esteem. So why had I gone back for more?Probably because I'd lost any sense of myself. I was so focused on keeping my significant other happy, I never took the time to think about what I needed. I'd given up Saturday hikes to play darts at the pub and swapped Monday night yoga for Monday Night Football. I couldn't recall the last time I'd made a salad; my ex ate only pizza, burgers and Chinese food. My waistline definitely paid the price for our unhealthy union. I'd gained 15 pounds, which made sense when I looked at the array of cookies, chips and crackers in my kitchen. There were three types of soda, but no vegetables. A lone, brusied banana sat in my fruit basket. And then I spotted it: There, on the refrigerator door, behind the cluttered magnets and takeout menus, was my workout and healthy-eating log from a few years back.It was time to start respecting my body-and myself-again. I began by clearing out the pantry and fridge and restocking them with nutritious foods. I treated myself to a new pair of sneakers and four running outfits-one for each day of the week I committed to exercising. I started slowly, increasing my distance each time. The longer I ran, the more confident I became. Eliminating excess sugar, preservatives and toxic men from my life helped me lose the extra weight I'd been carrying around and regain my self-worth. Not long after, I met Mike... while I was out for a run. Two years and one marathon later, I married him. Like a balanced diet, he complements my lifestyle and keeps me strong and sane. I don't need a label to tell me that this relationship is meant to last.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

I've seen a couple of people ask about how to wear red lipstick on Twitter and the like. Lucky for you, Essence addressed this question in the December issue. I ripped the article out, so I can take it to the MAC store with me, but wanted to share the tips with you all.

Red For All, All For Red (by Essence beauty editors)

We cherry-picked the juiciest crimson hues to bring out the best in your skin tone.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Read this article in Essence and definitely wanted to share. No matter what you're going through, you can find serenity and these are some awesome tips.

Find Serenity: Want to stress less this year? Make over your mind-set for a tranquil 2010 by Lynya Floyd. (Side note: I've worked with Lynya before for the gig and she's really nice)

Plan Your Playtime Now"A lot of people schedule vacations last-after thinking about everything that needs to be done in the year," says wellness expert Eric Plasker, author of The 100 Year Lifestyle Workout (GPP Life). Even if you can't afford a trip to the Bahamas, pen in a vacation today. "You'll create better balance in your life," says Plasker.

Don't make it worseSkipping meals or depriving yourself of sleep to hit a deadline leads to hunger or exhaustion, which makes your body release stress hormones. Replace those moves with smart ones like getting the number for a good health food delivery place in your neighborhood. Decide not to be tense"Some people with overdue bills are giving themselves a heart attack over it. And others with overdue bills are just fine," notes Plasker. The trick is to become conscious of your emotions and lect to change them. "Say to yourself, I chose not to stress about these bills. It takes practice, but it works," he says. Make a power moveOverwhelmed? Ask yourself, What's one thing I can do now to get closer to resolving my stress? Perhaps you need to apologize to someone? Should you knock out the most dreaded item on your to-do list instead of procrastinating? Focusing on a single task, instead of ten at a time will ease your tension. Run From Your Drama"When stressors hit, your body preps for fight or flight," explains exercise physiologist Jenny Evans. (Think: Sprinting from an angry lion). "The appropriate response is intense physical activity. "This could be a quick walk around the block or sprinting a few flights of stairs for just a minute. "You'll work off the stress hormone, get an endorphin release and remove yourself from the stressor physically and emotionally," adds Evans.

Hope this was helpful! What are some other things you do to find serenity? For me reciting the serenity prayer, drinking hot tea, calling a girlfriend (who always reminds me that life is so much bigger than the current problem at hand) or leaving my office for 5-10 minutes usually does the trick.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

9ish Get home from work, take 5-hr energy9:14pm wide awake, ate a salad9:28pm feeling tired again, hopped in the shower to wash & twist hair. (Might be the itis, don't know)10:19pm out the shower, feeling good, feeling great.Side note: my skin is tingly. Don't know if it's cold weather, dry skin, sunburn, dirt, the 5-hr energy or a crazy mix of all of then.11:05pm Got another burst of energy. I think maybe this stuff works in spurts, which is actually quite nice. No tingly skin. I'm about 3/4ths of the way through my hair11:42pm finished twisting hair. Record time.12:13am knee deep in packing, which usually drains me, but I feel like I just got up from a nap. (Obsessed just went off. It wasn't nearly as bad as I expected).1:04am still packing for Dallas.1:58am tired of packing. Going to bed. Will resume in the am.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Ok, so remember I wrote about the word "bitch" being all over the bookstore and how I wasn't on that with Borders or authors. Well, I didn't just write it on my blog. I actually wrote a little letter to Shape Magazine:

Hi Shape,

I'm all about getting my finances in order and I'm all about a budget, but I must say, I'm pretty disappointed with your pick of "Bitches on a Budget" for the January 2010 issue. I was recently in a bookstore and noticed a lot of helpful books, geared towards women with the word bitch in them. A LOT!

It's a horrible marketing ploy. I know that I'm not a bitch and I'm not really interested in reading a book that calls me a bitch because I happen to be a female. Perhaps I'm being too sensitive, but I think as women, empowering other women is important.

We shouldn't just go along with the trend of calling each other or ourselves bitches because it's popular or because it'll sell books (or movies or sitcoms). I won't be buying the book and I hope you'll think twice before putting something like this in your publication again.

I also hope that one day when I have a daughter she'll be more inclined to buy books or watch shows or movies that help her carve her place in the world as a remarkable woman, not a bitch.

Dear T, Thank you for writing in to Shape; you are absolutely right. We should not have covered the book, Bitches on a Budget. We would never use those words in anything we write in Shape (or ever refer to a woman as a Bitch) so we shouldn't cover books that use this language.Thanks for keeping us on the right path. And thank you for reading Shape!

I love that they responded. They also gave their blessing for me to include the response on my blog, noting that every one of their readers is important to them. For this reason, I will continue reading Shape. Other mags should definitely take note. Listen to your readers and for God's sake, respond when they have a gripe. Shape is awesome!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

My church is challenging us to read through the bible in the year and they have bookmarks with the schedule, so you read a few chapters a day. It's super simple and I haven't read through the bible since I was a shorty, so I'm really enjoying it.

Here are some crazy thing I either didn't know or just forgot.

- Lot's daughters were afraid there weren't enough men in the land, so they each got him drunk and slept with him, so they would be able to repopulate the Earth. His sons were his nephews. EW! It's no wonder Moses had a speaking disorder. Everybody was into incest in the early days.

- Jacob was a liar who stole his brother's blessing, but to this day people still say the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Poor Esau can't get no love!?!?!

- A subpoint to the Jacob story is that even though Jacob STOLE Esau's blessing and inheritance, God still blessed him. It teaches me a lot about God's hand being on your life. If you're blessed, you're just blessed and there's nothing you can do about it. I don't necessarily remember that sentiment from reading/studying the bible before, but that's what I'm getting today. (Not sure if it's the same if you're cursed, but I'll let y'all know as I keep reading).

- The first male ear piercing was in Exodus 21:6. It was to signify slavery ownership. That's DEFINITELY not what I learned in church when they tried to tell us it meant you were gay or something.

- Moses was a murderer (Exodus 2:12)

- I still don't understand why Moses didn't make it to the promised land. Maybe it was God's way of getting him back for being a murderer. The teachers in Sunday school used to argue about this right in front of us. One said it was because he hit the rock, but I just re-read that part and God TOLD him to hit the rock. The teacher said God told him to talk to the rock, not hit it. I guess it depends on what version you're reading. Womp.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Real talk, last week I was really feeling these little kids on youtube. I live my tantrum out vicariously through them.

Hilarity (oh, and please don't get it twisted. T's kids WILL NOT E.VER fall out like this.) Forget moving furniture, I'd be relocating body parts.

Speaking of ridiculousness... who watches real housewives of Orange County? Alexa called her mother a bitch and she's still alive to tell the story. That's not a race thing either. I have white friends with kids and they don't play that ish. You will mollywhopped talking to me like you're crazy.

Monday, February 1, 2010

I think I left a comment for on Antithesis' blog about how I used to use Clean & Clear Continuous Control Acne Cleanser (C&C). Every week no matter what's going on in my life I have a photo-ruining pimple somewhere on my face. When I don't use the C&C, I have more than one photo-ruining pimple, so I figured it was doing it's job.

Earlier this month I was away from home for 5 days and didn't want to check a bag, which means I couldn't take my C&C. I just used whatever mild face soap the hotel had. Well... I used Bliss Spa Fab Foaming Facewash (FFF). Oh, how I love this facewash. A couple of years ago when I used it at the W (and all W brand hotels), I loved to use it because of the smell, but I'd still get horrible acne after a couple of days. Not anymore!!!

I think the C&C worked for me at one point, but I've outgrown it. I've been using samples of the FFF since my work trip and I haven't had a photo-ruining pimple yet. It costs an arm and a leg though.

Pros: it doubles as a cleanser and an exfoliator, it smells delicious and makes me excited to wash my face in the morning.

Cons: It costs and arm and a leg ($34 for a 15.5oz bottle). The 2oz bottle was $10, so I saved in that respect, but damn. Hopefully it'll last a long time. The big bottle also won't travel well, but I can put it into a travel container. (Please believe if I'm at the W, I will be cuffing samples from now on.)

Welcome!

I always had a plethora of Facebook notes, so I figured it was time to cross over into the blogosphere. Here I talk about everything from paying down debt (First credit cards, then student loans) to relationships to politics (Go PRESIDENT Obama!) to sports (GO BEARS!) to sermon notes to people and things that irk me to the random moments that make up my extremely blessed life.

Hit me anytime at teaandsuch@gmail.com. (I barely check it though, so send me a comment letting me know you sent the email.)