While visiting his niece, an elderly man had a heart attack.
The woman drove wildly to get him to the emergency room.
After what seemed like a very long wait, the E.R. doctor
appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face.

Sadly, he said, "I'm afraid that your uncle's brain Is dead,
but his heart is still beating."

"Oh, dear," cried the woman, her hands clasped
against her cheeks with shock..

"We've never had a Democrat in the family before!"

:laugh:

tommy

March 23rd, 2004, 4:44pm

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

i just got the same joke pechuna but when this chi-town daily democrat sent it out i changed democrat to republican

advantage2000

March 23rd, 2004, 9:58pm

Bumper Stickers for the Bush 2004 Campaign

Bush/Cheney '04: Four More Wars

Bush/Cheney '04: Leave no billionaire behind

Bush/Cheney '04: Deja-voodoo all over again!

Bush/Cheney '04: Compassionate Colonialism

Bush/Cheney '04: Because the truth just isn't good enough.

Bush/Cheney '04: Making the world a better place, one country at a time.

Bush/Cheney '04: Over a billion Whoppers served.

Bush/Cheney '04: Putting the "con" in conservatism

Bush/Cheney '04: Thanks for not paying attention.

Bush/Cheney '04: The last vote you'll ever have to cast.

Bush/Cheney: Asses of Evil

Don't think. Vote Bush!

George W. Bush: A brainwave away from the presidency

George W. Bush: The buck stops Over There

Bush/Cheney '04: This time, elect us!

advantage2000

March 23rd, 2004, 10:00pm

Proud to Be a Democrat

A first grade teacher in the Midwest is explaining to her class that she is a Republican and how nice it is that a new Republican president has taken office. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Republicans and support George Bush. Everyone in class raises their hands except one little girl. "Mary," says the teacher with surprise, "why didn't you raise your hand?" Because I'm not a Republican," says Mary. "Well, what are you?" asks the teacher. "I'm a Democrat and proud of it," replies the little girl. The teacher cannot believe her ears. "My goodness, Mary, why are you a Democrat?" she asks. "Well, my momma and papa are Democrats, so I'm a Democrat, too." "Well," says the teacher in an annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a Democrat. You don't always have to be like your parents. What if your momma was a criminal and your papa was a criminal, too, what would you be then?" Mary smiled. "Then we'd be Republicans."

advantage2000

March 23rd, 2004, 10:01pm

You Might Be A Republican If...

(Which ones are your favorites?)

You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.

You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two"

You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

Mary Beth

March 23rd, 2004, 10:52pm

I love all of 'em, advantage!! :laugh:

pechuna

March 24th, 2004, 11:50am

Was John F. Kennedy as immoral a president as Bill Clinton? Close, but no cigar!