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Jenny McCarthy says men in California are total pussies

Today the Chicago Sun-Times paid $1,000 in exchange for 438 words by the entertainer Jenny McCarthy on the differences between men in Chicago and men in Los Angeles. "It's almost as if [men] trade their manhood in for vaginas when they cross the border into California" is an actual thing that McCarthy writes in this column, in which she excoriates the men she's encountered in Los Angeles for, I don’t know, ordering salads as entrees or something. No, actually it's because they wear makeup. (Gay joke!) On which, more later.

McCarthy's is the third installment in the Sun-Times's new Splash, a fraught weekday feature in which the paper hires minor celebrities for their "opinions" about something or other. Yesterday ended on a slightly embarrassing note. Minor celebrity Jim Belushi had written about becoming a "pill popper" in his advancing age (pills like Viagra! get it?) and the S-T had to tack on an editor's addendum noting that when Belushi mentioned taking the gout treatment medication Allopurinol, the paper "should have noted that Belushi is in an awareness campaign sponsored by the drug's maker, Savient Pharmaceuticals." (Via Robert Feder.) (See correction below.)

That won’t happen today because Jenny McCarthy isn't concerned with brand names, only sexist stereotypes. Actually she mentions one brand, Spanx, which she urges "ladies" to think of George Clooney wearing the next time they're "thinking about how sexy it would be" to date him. "George probably borrowed his girlfriend's Spanx" to wear to the Oscars, McCarthy writes. (Gay joke!)

McCarthy, a south-side native, is pleased that there are no nancies in Chicago (to which I say: girl, please), only "meat-and-potatoes" types who do not exude the "weirdness" of LA men. "I have had numerous L.A. boyfriends ask to borrow my makeup or, even worse, ask my makeup artist to do them after they are done with me. Gross!" McCarthy writes. "Who wants to make out with a guy with concealer and blush on his face? Not me." (Gay joke!)

Update: A rep from Savient Pharmaceuticals called to say that Savient doesn't actually make the gout drug, Allopurinol, that Belushi takes; he works with the company on a campaign called Check Out Your Gout.