All jest aside there is some truth in this. No I am not ruined, but I dunno, with Darcy's and Albert's and "You are my whole existence's" ingrained in my brain there is a small part of me that wouldn't settle for less. I have both high and low standards, I am both a cynic and a romantic and I guess most importantly I both know that Darcy is fictional but hope for my own. What do I mean? I mean that sure film, literature and music are not the most sensible places to form opinions on love from but I know the love that I am capable of giving and would want to be loved in the same way. Well not exactly the same way. In the male equivalent way.

So yes, I am ruined, for all men, except my Darcy/Albert/all the other fictional characters I've spoken about.

But seriously, I really thought that with all the period drama's i've seen and all the times I've swooned that I'd become implacable.. unmovable.. I was wrong. All it took was those words and I was gone, lost. I love movies lol.

Changing the subject though, guess what I did??!!!!!
On monday I fulfilled a dream of mine and took a ballroom class!!! For those of you who don't know; I LOVE dance, I'm obsessed with Strictly Come Dancing and I have always wanted to dance ballroom. Always.
So when I heard of the ballroom society at my uni I practically buzzed with excitement.
Monday was their taster session and I went filled with dreams and anticipation and I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED. I can't remember the last time I was so happy. Like really. I don't know what it is about ballroom that fills me with such joy. But I love it. And dancing it was a dream. For me one of the best feelings in the world is being in hold. I felt like such a girl, no, I felt feminine. That is it. Feminine. It was amazing how you could instantly see the difference in dancing when you have a good partner and when you have a not so good partner.

With a good partner everything goes seamlessly. The steps just come, you don't have to think as hard about them and you can feel what he's about to do. But then you get a crappy partner and everything falls apart. Literally, it's a mess. Steps you knew and danced a second ago become gibberish and you can't find your place and YOU have to lead. Fortunately I had more good partners than bad and I left the class on a freaking high. The biggest high i've ever experienced. I can't wait for the next session.

I sang to my new flatmates recently. I hadn't sung since I'd been here and nobody knew about my Rella J-ness. Somehow it came up and somebody asked me to sing. I refused, adamant to keep it all under wraps and then eventually I was like 'I might aswell'. I got Dave and sang Do You Remember.
It's crazy how misunderstood I felt before. It's crazy how big a part music plays in my identity. It's who I am and when they didn't know that I felt like a fraction of myself. Do you know what I mean? Now that they've heard me I feel so relieved. Like I can really be myself now. And be seen as myself and not the fraction that they knew before.

I'm not making any sense. It's hard sometimes to fully communicate what i'm thinking. *sigh*

I guess i'll leave it there.
But to those of you wondering (O.) I'm fine, more than fine, great even. Especially after my Albert encounter. And let me not even get into my new found love of Daniel Day Lewis. I had a field day watching him yesterday. "You can sleep, sleep here in my arms, like a baby bird" *ear kiss* *ear kiss*
Seriously, I AM RUINED.
Rella x

3 comments:

looooooooooooooooooooool your so funny now i guess i'm gonna have to watch that movie and fall in love with him too..... I'm glad your having a great time and feeling at ease in your new surroundings. Missing your presence daily chika xxxx