Mama was in fine form yesterday. We had a long and pleasant visit. Her only disappointment was the discovery that I was not “available”. 🙂

During my visits it seems someone from the staff always comes to her room for something. The skeptic in me wonders if these visits are encouraged during staff team meetings, but expect my concern for Mama’s wellbeing is what feeds my skepticism. Taken at face value, I am encouraged by staff attentiveness and I witness from them compassion and fondness for Mama.

I see Mama routinely but recently, due primarily to work and some hunting, not with past regularity. She remains about the same with yesterday being her best day this year. She is so sweet and easy to laugh that our visits are never “bad”, just some less satisfying for me than others.

Quite often Katherine sees Mama too. I can tell Mama likes having her there and, as in all things, she (Katherine) is a source of kindness and love. How does a guy like me end up with girl like her? Just goes to show, justice is not a given. Thank God!! 🙂

While sharing about aging parents, and the associated frustrations, with a coworker this morning the concept of bravery not being the lack of fear but rather action in the face of fear came up. His segued message was something like … compassion might not be the lack of frustration but rather sympathy in the face of frustration. That fits for me. So … I came to this …

I’ve been “ready” for not as long as I know Mama has been (as was Dad) and I ponder on why she is still here. From the Color Purple …. “Lord god, if there is a God, why?” I long ago decided the God of my understanding neither dictates the path of my life nor does he manipulate the lives of others to, or against, my benefit. He is however an Ever Present Force for, and source of, good. Today I will be patient whilst awaiting mindful reason.

I try to mind my expectations of Mama and to not put her “on the spot” with regards to her cognition and awareness. For future visits I will redouble my efforts to not put her on the spot by pointing out that I am her son and that she is my mother. Rather, I plan to pose as a friend that knows her son. This will allow me a stage from which I may tell the same silly stories but from a third person perspective. Likely this will be to my benefit rather than hers. That’s okay, I deserve it. 🙂

I hope you get something meaningful from my updates and I will strive for more regularity with them in the future.

Lastly, thanks for providing me a safe outlet for my rants and ramblings. Sorry if I get a bit long winded. Obviously, I like hearing myself … write. 🙂