If You Really Knew Me

This topic is for you to express yourself freely. To talk about whatever you want, and however you feel. You can talk about anything, ESPECIALLY your emotions. Manda (Losha) and I were watching the tv show "If You Really Knew Me" on MTV and we both got really emotional about it, so I think it would be a good idea if we all got to take a step further in how we really know each other.You don't have to post anything about yourself, but you can comment on other peoples posts to help comfort and support them.

Post about anything. Post about how you feel. Some of your darkest secrets that you just want to get out. Everybody is here for you. You can lean on each others shoulders here. People go through some tough stuff and everybody should be able to feel relieved after this. Nobody will get in trouble no matter what you post, no matter what the subject. Express yourself freely.

I'll go first ;-;

If you really knew me, you'd know that my parents have been in a different country for 6-8 years and that I've been living with my Aunt and Uncle.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm not who I really am. That I have two sides to me, which is depressed/quiet, or fierce/outgoing. And that I can't control when or why I act the way I do.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm afraid of older men (adults) when they touch me, in fear of rape or of the person being a pedophile.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm very self conscious and insensitive about myself. And that I try to be the best I can for my friends or around adults in fear of being judged or leaving an impression of somebody I'm really not.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I cut myself just to be able to feel something. To be able to feel something other than emotional pain. And that I don't mind because it relieves me.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I want to be a nicer person than who I really am, but I find that too difficult since everybody's judgement turns into something horrible.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm a victim of domestic violence both verbally and physically and have been since the age of 3.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I keep too many secrets to myself in fear of rumours being spread and lies being told.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I want to be able to lean on somebody's shoulder for real and be able to feel the comfort and have the weight of the world lifted from my shoulders.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I truly want to be a better person.

If you really knew me, you would know that I am afraid of making friends because they might hurt me. Whether it is from jealousy or whatever, I usually get hurt one way or another. Usually from rumors and getting lied to.

If you really knew me, you would know that I have been stabbed in the back way to many times to even count, so i'm scared of people. Mainly in IRL, not online.

If you really knew me, you would know that I am scared to the point of passing out of pain, and storms.

If you really knew me, you would know that I struggle with trying to fit in.

If you really knew me, you would know that I'm lonely. (no siblings, neighbors, or any contact what so ever with anybody except a few close friends and my parents)

If you really knew me, you would know that I struggle with emotional abuse from my parents.

If you really knew me, you would know that my dad is an alcoholic and I fear him because he causes most of that abuse, but yet I still love him and I fear for his health.

If you really knew me, you would know that I have a pretty stable life, but there are things that are always up in the air. (which can be scary at times.)

If you really knew me, you would know that I like attention, but I'm scared to get any because of getting hurt, yet I'm lonely.

If you really knew me, you would know that I feel bad sitting at the computer every day.

If you really knew me, you would know that my mother hates my best friend and won't let me go over or hang out with her. ;.;

If you really knew me, you would know that I'm a hard worker.

If you really knew me, you would know that I complain 24/7 because that just reminds me that people are listening and that they care. Sometimes I get carried away, and I'm not proud of complaining and yet none of you realize the situation I am in. (Even if it's not as traumatic or anything as others' might be)

If you really knew me, I struggle with trying to connect with people, because idk. I just can't very well. And it is frustrating.

If you really knew me, you would know that I am 100% honest on the internet. Meaning I don't lie and crap like that about ANYTHING because it will come back and bite me. (leading to pain).

If you really knew me, you would know that I'm not perfect or anywhere close.

If you really knew me. You would know that I pick my arms from all of the stress of doing well in life and making everyone happy on top of everything I have to do. I do so much for this damn family they wouldn't know what hit them if their little slave left. And yes, I have scars.... and I'm not proud of it. I still do it today even though I would give anything to have my scars taken away. I almost cry every time I see people that can wear short sleeves.

If you really knew me, you would know that when I was a child, I had hip displaysia. Meaning my legs were out of alignment. (all better though).

If you really knew me, you would know that when I was 8 years old I got hit in the head with a 4x6 piece of wood, hurled out of a window 2 stories up, and it messed me up a bit. ;.; I think I got a little bit of brain damage because I get dizzy and stuff all the time and when I go on roller coasters or somethings like that, I get dizzy and almost faint because my head hurts behind my eye. I'm scared about it.

If you really knew me you would know that I'm a scared person..... and I fear death and pain.

<333 to you all :cI'ma just make mine short and sweet.If you really know me, you would know that I don't like to complain.If you really know me, you would know I have really bad anger issues.If you really know me, you would know I hide my feelings alot from you guys :cIf you really know me, you would know it took alot just to type this up.