Things Brexiters are nostalgic for that were actually bollocks

12-03-18

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WHAT things do Brexiters want to bring back that were horrible even at the time?

Vince Cable, leader of former political party the Liberal Democrats, has claimed Brexit is the result of older white people’s misguided nostalgia. But which highly dubious things would Leave voters actually love to bring back?

Pre-decimal currency

A pain in the arse and incredibly hard to grasp if you did not grow up with it. A bit like insisting all your friends use carrier pigeons instead of texting because you don’t like mobile phones.

Pink custard

A school dinner staple for decades, pink custard is just normal poor quality custard with some radioactive colouring that can make you grow a second head. Always came with a block of dense, flavourless sponge that tasted like roof insulation.

Hanging

Very, very popular among some Brexiters who see public executions as a potential source of family entertainment, even though most people now prefer Netflix.

Traditional weird teachers

Familiar to pupils of the 1970s and earlier, the sort of teacher who would unexpectedly flip out and throw a chair at someone, or remove their glass eye in front of a horrified class.

Politically incorrect comedy

An obsession with Brexiters, who feel they are really missing out by not being able to watch a gruelling stream of mother-in-law gags by Tarby or dismally unfunny sitcoms called I Don’t Fancy an Indian!.

Tripe

A cow’s stomach lining with lashings of delicious vinegar, beloved of nans and masochists.