This last little bit is taking it out of me entirely and I haven't a day in a long while where I didn't wake up incredibly bitchy and then spent the whole day in that state. It's been so rough around here that I'm not even sure how to write about most of it... The post Pneumonia Blues appeared first on Valerie Rayne.

They say that once you post something to the internet, it's never lost. You can post it and decades later, it can still be found. And I believed that. But it's not true... The post Lost It on the Internet appeared first on Valerie Rayne.

When The Boyfriend and I first started becoming interested in dating, I kept saying that there were "signs", like signs from the universe that it was meant to be. It kinda feels like this pregnancy is that. The post Beautiful Circle appeared first on Valerie Rayne.

The Rantings Network

The Six of Us

The Rantings of a Tortured Mind - PG Edition follows Valerie Rayne, a 23-year-old, stay-at-home mom of four, through the trials and tribulations of day to day life.

Whew!

It’s been too long since I wrote last. I’ve been so busy this last little while that all of The Rantings Network is suffering because of it. It seems like everyday we’re doing something, or going somewhere.

My sister came down awhile back with her boyfriend and their two kids for a week. It was an amazing time and I was happy to get to see her again. My kids were so excited to see her kids too, so that was really nice. They took us all bowling, so it was the first time that Kenzie and Keirnan had ever gone bowling, so that was super fun.

Then the day after they left, my cousin and her son came down for a short visit. We talked ALOT, I made a pretty darn good roast beef dinner, and managed to get some cleaning in. I love seeing my family, I just wish it happened more often.

This past week, I had appointments to go to like crazy, and it doesn’t seem to be ending anytime soon. First, I had a job interview at Best Buy, which went really well. The next day, I had an appointment at an employment placement service, where I was told I was unemployable, had no foundation and that my short-term career goal was to become a cashier. Which wasn’t what my career goals consist of at all, but at this point I’m just looking for any job. My career goal is to get my master’s degree in social work.

I had a second interview at Best Buy today, which resulted in me getting a part-time inventory job, which I’m super excited about and incredibly nervous about. I’ve never had a job where I needed to buy steel-toed boots, and I’ve never had a job lifting heavy things, so it’s a little bit nerve racking. I just hope I do a good job.

Then a week from now, I’ve got another job interview at a cosmetics store. Both of these jobs are on the south end here, and we live on the north end, so we’re talking about moving. It just sucks because I know we’re never going to find a place as cheap as this. I mean, I don’t know anyone else who has a three bedroom that’s only $950 a month, most places are over $1000.

Things around here have been stressful to say the least. Mostly in the financial sense, and it kind of sucks. The Boyfriend feels incredibly guilty and like it’s all his fault, and I just keep telling him that it’s not like we wouldn’t be hurting for cash right now if he was still working, because we would. Especially once he went down to part-time. I hate not having money to last through the month.

And we’d be fine if we would just finally quit smoking, but we’re both having such a hard time with the concept of it. I feel like if I quit now, my stress levels would be uncontrollable and I know that probably makes you laugh, but it’s become part of my coping mechanism, that exhale of smoke.

We’re talking about weening ourselves off of cigarettes, but I just don’t know how to do it. Neither of us has very much willpower, especially not me. But we just can’t afford to keep smoking anymore, not if we ever want to see black again. We just seem to keep going deeper and deeper into the red. Sometimes I think I need Gail Vaz-Oxlade from ‘Til Debt Do Us Part to come and help, but I just don’t think I’m ready for it all. I want to see my finances get better, but I’m not ready to find out exactly how much debt I have, and how hard I’m going to have to work to pay it off, especially on my rather limited budget.

I’m hoping once I start working and getting paid from working, that it’s all going to start working out in my favor. Get my current finances in order and work towards debt repayment and savings. I think we just need to sit down and create a serious budget and stick to it. Not buy all the extras, and cut down hardcore on the smoking. Ah, if only I could complete these goals… One day!

So a couple nights back, I was looking for a video that we had made when I was about 16. Since we couldn’t find it under the stairs, and couldn’t find it in the closets downstairs, we decided to clean out the storage room, which was desperate for cleaning in the worst kind of way. The storage room was literally just a place where we threw everything. Boxes, furniture, a deep freezer, garbage, you name it, it was in there. We never found the video.

I threw more things from my former life away. First was the hope chest with all my porcelain dolls (a ten year long collection!), and then I threw out all my notes from previous boyfriends and friends (which I had also been holding on to for about ten years!). It felt good and saddening all at the same time.

We’re still organizing boxes, threw out the deep freezer and now our storage room is clean and ready to be re-filled with things. Though this time, I’m hoping to do it in a much more organized and efficient way. Eventually we hope to re-purpose the room as something else, we just haven’t figured out what yet.

Now all we have left to clean that’s desperate for cleaning is the bathroom, which has been on my to-do list for awhile. I keep getting started and then never finish. Oh yeah, and my room, because for some reason it is the place for all the laundry, clean or dirty. Clean clothes are all piled up at the foot end of my bed, and dirty clothes are strewn along the side. It’s horrible. But over this weekend, I’ve got big plans including the kids rooms getting vacuumed to death!

So, if I don’t write for awhile, don’t worry, I’ll be back! Just hard at work and working hard at home 😉