Austin Powers: The Spy Who Saw Through Me (by Bob Bentley)

Austin was driving around in his Shaguar when the vid-phone sounded. It was, of course, Basil Exposition.

“Hello Basil”

“Hello Austin, I have your new assignment. You are to meet with the infamous spy, Crystal Glass.”

“Crystal Glass, the invisible spy?”

“None other,” said Basil. “We have reason to believe that she wishes to defect.”

“Hang on a tick, Basil. How am I to find this woman if she’s invisible?”

“Our sources indicate that she will contact you. In your swinging pad sometime this very evening.”

“I’m on the case Basil.” And with that Austin shifted into high gear and headed for London.

* * *

Like most nights in Austin’s pad, there was a swinging shagedelic party going on. Austin hoped it wouldn’t dissuade Crystal Glass from making an “appearance”. He was chatting up some local birds when the band started the introduction to the song “American Woman”. But Austin immediately picked up on the changed lyrics.

That’s when Austin spotted something unusual in the crowd that was starting to part. All eyes were drawn to a truly unique sight. There in the center was a dancing figure. It had white vinyl thigh boots, but no legs. It had long pink gloves but no arms. It had a black leather cap and reflecto shades but no head.It had a psychedelic minidress but no body.

For an instant Austin acted like a character from Wayne’s World and thrust out his hips saying, “Sha-wing!”

The crowd applauded the dancer. Whether they thought it some laser light trick or some groovy mind expanding trip none could say. But no one seemed shocked or frightened.