I'm falling apart right now, and I don't know what to do about it. I'm supporting two kids on a bartender's salary, my ex wife is in jail, and my kids (girls age 7 and 17) are constantly being punished for existing and I can't help them, every time I try all it does is get me shouted at for raising actual children instead of open-source automatons that do whatever they're told and never do anything else. My younger daughter is affectionate and likes to hug people, apparently that's a problem. My older daughter likes girls in addition to boys, apparently that's a problem. I went to a PTA meeting recently, hoping that there I'd be able to get some support for my older daughter amongst the other parents, and got shouted at until my resolve disintegrated and my ears bled by dozens of parents, telling me my daughter is a degenerate and should be set on fire. I came home, got drunk and had a meltdown on the site.

I know I shouldn't do that, but I don't know what to do anymore, I'm losing my mind and I don't have an outlet. I think I may just get off the site for a while, at least for the most part, only posting rarely and not engaging with members at all, since apparently I'm stupid and my real life issues bleed over into my attitude on-site far too much to actually talk to anybody. And maybe in the future I'll reach a point of stability where I'll be able to come back to an especially active state on-site, but I doubt it.

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I'm sorry for you and the girls.

If you just want to hear someone say, "I hear you. That sounds horrible. I'm so sorry for what you are going through" there is it. I am truly sorry. It sucks.

If you want to hear more, keep reading.

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I know this doesn't mean much, but I have been where you are, and there are no magic pills, no quick fixes. Here is what worked for me, slowly over time. Your mileage may vary.

-Swear off alcohol. Stay away as best you can (bartender, yeah, I know). Get it out of your house. No alcohol, no weed, nothing. As someone who fought for years with custody issues, I can tell you, you are just one "I was drinking to blow off steam" away from losing your kids.

-Get help. Get help for you. Get help for the girls. Get help for the family. Get as much as you can afford, and if you can't afford any, then find a support group (or two or three) to go to. Community groups are around, but don't be scared off if those groups are in churches (or synagogues or mosques or whatever is around you). I'm an agnostic lesbian, and the best parenting advice I got was from a 70 year-old nun from Nigeria. Seriously, she was a miracle. You're a smart guy. You can filter out what you want and don't want from any support group, Jewish or not. They're free and they really do help. If you can, get the family into therapy, as much as you can afford. Do it. It's more important than coffee, more important than cable, more important than high speed internet. Do it. Both of my sisters came to me to raise with serious PTSD and a long history of abuse. Therapy has been a miracle.

-Love your kids. Love them at the expense of everything else. Love them, and screw the rest of the world. The world is, at best, a cruelly apathetic place. At worst, it is a monstrous dragon, trying to devour everyone. Make your home your castle, your girls your damsels in distress, and fight anyone who tries to screw with that. Who cares if the world shouts as you? Who cares? Getting shouted at is your job. You take the blows so your kids don't have to. Kids are tough and resilient, and if they know that you love them and that your home is always a safe respite from the world because you are there to protect them, they will not only endure anything, they will thrive. It won't matter how much money you make or how much stuff you have. They will thrive if they have you to take the punches aimed at them. They will thrive if they have you to hug and kiss and love them, to read them stories and dance with them and sing songs to them, and eat with them, and a hundred other stupid little things.

-Take care of yourself (see #1 and #2 above). Eat well. Sleep as much as you can afford. Do something fun for yourself (like role-playing). The universe gave you a strong back for a reason. You've got a lot of work to do, and you need to be healthy, well rested, well fed, and sound in mind if you are going to carry the heavy load of crap the world has dumped in front of you.

I can't say that I've experienced the kind of struggles you're going through. But I want to say that even though we've never interacted, I've seen your posts on the site, especially in the GM workshop. Whenever I see something from you, it always seems so creative. Your work is full of depth. Knowing that you've been producing such awesome stuff while also being a single parent and fighting through the struggle only makes me think you're that much more awesome. Do what's best for you and your kids. If that means taking time from the site, do it. But know that at least one fella here loves the contributions you bring and has nothing but respect for you.

RE: the judgmental twits that want your daughter to burn-- Language Removed. I struggled mightily due to repression of who I am. My parents didn't support me, and in fact were the ones saying I would (and should) burn. We've managed to salvage our relationship. But having a supportive parent or family member through that would have made all the world of difference. Thank you for supporting your daughter.

EDIT: Apologies to the mods for breaking the language filter. I hadn't meant to. Thank you for cleaning up my mistake!

Just chiming to second mildly_competent. People are giving your eldest daughter trouble over her bisexuality? Then she and you definitely have my sympathy, and, while I know some guy on the Internet saying this doesn’t help very much, you’re right and they’re wrong and you should feel good about the fact that you’re supporting her.

This thread has been allowed because though it’s on the line of acceptable per the Worldly Talk rule, it’s a member that needed some support. Unfortunately things are going over the line now, requiring closing this thread.