Sleepless and Spiritual

I was reading something on facebook the other day about a friend of a friend who was having trouble getting out of self harm. There were all sorts of judgments flying around about having real reasons, fake reasons, and why it can be done and why it cant. It was missing the point. When we speculate and assume, we can make judgments about why someone does something, and then compare it to our standards, and then assume what that person is to us. It's all bullshit. There is no way that you can intimately be aware of exactly the same sensations as another person at the same time. Its impossible, it you could, and did, there would be no point to you. Your experience of the universe would be a copy, a useless ingredient. You are unique. So first of all don't start judging other people by your standards. You don't know. Face up to it. Next point, when someone is self harming, the why is irrelevant. The fact is they are doing it. Self harm comes in many forms. In this case I believe it was cutting of the skin. It could be over eating, a destructive lifestyle, a disrespectful attitude, promiscuity, self harm comes in any number of forms that result in you not being able to progress in life, to move forward. The reason behind the thought that gives them reason to believe that self harm is a way forward does not really matter to you, unless the individual has specifically asked you personally for help. To any normal compassionate and loving individual ,a friend, which I am sure you all are, the best thing to do is offer understanding. What is there to understand? What is it that they are really doing? They are showing us their personal sense of value. The person who is abusing themself, in what ever way, is saying to us, "Hey look at me, I think I am pretty low cast and this is what I'm gonna do to show it". What they are saying is "I really don't like myself and I am not valuing myself, someone help me". So fine, how do we help, we validate them. We tell them that we care, first of all, and we also tell them that we don't like what we see. But that is all, the rest has to be up to them. Until they personally feel that they do not deserve abuse, then they will not be able to stop doing it. When the individual feels they respect themself enough to no longer take the crap they give themself, they will stop giving it. So, all said and done, all we have to do is respect one another. This means respect their feelings. They are sacred to them. Their feelings are the one thing that makes them an individual, makes them divine. Disrespect that and you disrespect the breath of God which makes them, you disrespect their entire being. Respect one another, respect ourselves and no more harm shall be necessary. Be brave.Please visit rowanblaircolver.moonfruit.com

When buying baked beans, we expect them to be good quality. In a single tin of beans, we expect, in exchange for our money, a tin of decent quality beans. I think we can all agree on this. What if there is a bad one? A single bad bean in the tin? Usually, most people will pick it out and move on. Any more than a couple of these bad beans, perhaps shriveled or over cooked, and we begin to wonder about the integrity of the entire tin. We begin to feel that perhaps we would be better advised to not eat the beans and to avoid this brand in future. We may even seek a refund if we can be bothered. Imagine then, that the entire tin was full of bad beans, and that we saw maybe one or two beans that were of any sort of quality. We would need to be completely desperate if we were to eat the tin. And to buy the same brand again, we would need to be mad. It would be disrespectful to ourself to buy the same brand again, to be loyal to the company that sells dodgy baked beans.

So, moving on from beans, imagine people. How many times have we heard someone speak affectionately about a person who has some good in them somewhere, or a really nice side, or maybe even they can sometimes be really lovely. Do we take this? If they were beans, we'd taken them back, and not exchange our money for them. Do we exchange our social and personal energy with people that resemble bad tins of beans? If they have one decent quality against several bad ones, is this good enough for us? For me it is not. I do not accept disrespect from friends or people I see and work with. If I encounter it, I make a stand. To sell us dodgy beans is disrespectful, and then to claim the tin to be sound because it has a couple of good beans in is adding to the disrespect. In my view, this goes the same way with people. We do not have to accept people that we do not want on the promise that they have a good bit in them. I don't care. I accept only the best for myself. To see the good in a person, regardless of their faults,Is a virtue and a blessing, we appreciate that a lot,However heed the warning, to be blinded by a small light,In a pitch dark room shining, gives the illusion of a bright space.But it is cold, allow the eyes to adjust a while, and see a tiny light,In near perfect night, and no longer is it bright, alive and en-flared,Nothing but a glimmer of truth hides in there.Unsuitable.

I hear a lot about having 'fear of God'. I wonder what this means. Is the loving father who gave His only Son of the Christian faith a force to be feared? All evidence points otherwise. Sure, what the usual perception of God represents is powerful, omniscient and eternal, but fear? At what point is it healthy to live in fear? To fear an eternal, omniscient and powerful force is to be permanently scared, is it not? Where is the good in that? Where is the tranquility, the peace, the heaven in that? If this said God wishes to bring heaven to Earth in a grand union like many believe, then fear has to be the first thing to go. Fear causes wars, hatred and destruction. I do not believe it is a way forward. Respect, on the other hand. I can understand. I respect wild animals, they could eat me, hurt me, destroy my things. I work with them, avoiding if necessary, to keep safe and to respect their integrity to what they are. I do believe in a force that keeps us all together, that created and sustains everything that there is right now, but I do not fear this presence, I love it, I respect it, and I honour it by being the best version of myself that I can be. Living in fear is not this version. When I am in fear, I am weaker, slower to act, and less able to make positive change.I find the idea of feeling the need to fear God oppressive. Allow me to explain. God is just, and good, God is not unfair and treats all things in equality. God is the personification of natural order and balance. The awareness of God is from a place of pure love. To assume a requirement of fear, is to assume I have displeased God, that for some reason, God is watching me and looking for my mistakes. God has a grudge. No thank you. This idea does not sit with me. God loves me and encourages me to move forward, not backwards; not wallowing in guilt, not trembling in fear, not running around in circle, but moving forward. I do not appreciate being labeled unclean, a sinner, or any other judgmental phrase used to justify a sensation of fear. I am clean and I am loved. I do not fear those who love me. It would only serve to push them away. If someone hurts me and causes me to fear, out of natural self protection, then they do not love me.

Recently, I have been concerning myself with looking at my own thoughts as separate from myself. I find this is an essential tool when working through the maelstrom of everyday life. It really is. I have written poetry concerning the conceptual understanding of how our thoughts are not us, but only projections of us, based on beliefs about our reality.I shall post one here,What if awareness was everywhere? And in it we have a share? And the nature of our neuron cells, Gives us perception of ourselves? What if the things we think, That spur from what we believe, Are not part of the awareness, But grow from it like trees? Would some of them grow wonderful fruit, And blossoms with aromatic hue,... But some lay rot to the soil of being, And poison the meadow of our feeling? What if awareness was everywhere, And the meadow had no fence, We'd all grow trees in our little corners, And they mingle and grow dense. For the sake of our bounty, And beauty and flow, I will watch for the types of trees, I begin to grow. Maybe for yourself, If not for your love, Perhaps you could look inside your feeling, And do a little weeding, Of your own.

So that is that, perhaps it makes sense to you, perhaps not. Never the less, I shall continue. So, I have realised that the things we believe about ourselves are often our gateways to being deceived. If I may expand on this to gain clarity, it is because we feel good about ourselves because of certain qualities we endow. These qualities can be good, and there is nothing inherently wrong with them as they are. However, because we judge ourselves and conditionally value ourselves according to certain virtues and morals, they can become our enemy. When a rational argument shows that compassion is required, do we show it? What if you are being lied to? Can you tell the difference or is your desire to fulfill the role of a compassionate person so strong that you don't check? What I have learned for myself recently is that the things I hold close as my virtues are ripe for the pickings and allow me to be deceived. I am beginning to embody the understanding that I am always myself and always loved and valued as priceless by myself, no matter how I act in the day to day world. I know my truths and am now much more aware of my own direction which allows me to evaluate things from a place of deeper awareness and separate from my thoughts. This is not complete and the work is constant and eternal. I am not claiming to have become enlightened. I am only showing you my journey and offering it as inspiration to those that is may seem fitting.The flipped side of the coin is our weaknesses can become our strengths. The things that we dislike or the things that get in the way, they are birthday presents we have not yet opened. Once we accept our flaws and begin to love them as part of ourselves, we unwrap the gifts and learn how to use them for our own truth. We no longer fall over them, but hold on to them and they empower us. Whether it be a sense of adventure, fearlessness, childishness, daydreaming, any thing that has been used to demean you in the past, can become a blessing. When used with love.For today, that is all I have to say.I think...

So here we are again, I am here online, producing things to read for anyone who finds it. The most wonderful things are always around me, and despite my occasional rainy weather, the fact that I am imagining life to be something that it is not quite, and the minor suffering caused because of this, I notice every single day that I am blessed. We all are. As my creativity flows into the world, the energy I put in is multiplied with each new heart that it touches. Isn't that brilliant? It is the same for us all. Express yourselves in the most diverse and beautiful ways! Let me see about a poem, To capture my moment in verse,

Some pounding rhythm from somewhere between my crown and my naked feet repeats, Like a systematic knocking upon the door of tomorrow with longing and pleasant beats, Soft and luscious sweet singing of the cavity that holds the very essence of ourselves, The cubicle, vessel, sovereign attitude of flesh that drives itself into sunset after sunset, I can hear it. Within the sounds of everything else, it belongs to me, the mountain and the trees, It is ours, and it is wonderful. Let me bring it to you as I bring you these lines, Close your eyes and breath it in, the stuff of life, the you that hides, say hello to yourself.

Workwise, how am I doing? If you are reading this you may well have previously read poetry of mine elsewhere, or seen one of my novels or CD albums. Some of you perhaps have seen my digital art. Let's see, there is a new book arriving shortly, going by the name of Whispers of Spirit. It is poetry, including a one person play called Soliloquy of a Lunatic. I went for a Caretaker esque feel, where Pinter cast three men in one room for the whole performance. Mine is shorter, and less dramatic, however it consists of one person speaking to their self. Continuation of The Trident of The Eternal Child is ongoing. The third and final story in the trilogy will be finished at some point in the not so far off future. There are lots of other stories going on in my plans and dreams which will also find their way into print over the next decade or three plus. Musically, I am writing my new self titled album. The third one in the line of albums with RBC on the front. Experiment A and MirrorFace are things of the past for now. I never say never unless I mean never and I never said a thing. My new album though, it is going well. I aim to put down some of my more well known tracks of my later performing years, maybe an older one or two as well. I also am going really deep into the musical realms of emotional language, the sound the the heart and the gut, the sound of your aches and pains the sounds of your elation. I aim to capture a least a prickle of each. Maybe I will manage it, but all i know is that every time I make a CD it feels better than the last to me, and that is what I aim for again. Each time the order gets taller! My goodness me. Very happy that Beyond The Frozen Ocean has received so much attention on YouTube and Amazon. A real blessing. I feel that the art side of my work has been neglected recently and I aim to make a stand. My plan is to produce unique pieces for sale online using services such as Etsy. I'm looking forward to that challenge.

It is a great pleasure also to be sent on regular assignments by the local Sheffield magazine Now Then. Recently, I have become a regular contributor to their music review section. Over time, I would like to expand my contribution range to creative writing too, however one thing at a time sounds about right to me.

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This website is a personal site written and edited by me, Rowan Blair Colver. This website contains affiliate links which are delivered at no extra cost to the customer but also provide a commission to me if you choose to make a purchase.