Send me email updates about messages I've received on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.
By signing up, you certify that you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.

It's an issue of balance. They are right that you can't give 100% to everything all the time. You are only one person and there are only so many hours in a day. I know it's not popular to say this because of our feminist society, (which I'm all for), but the honest truth is something's got to give. If you have a full time job and kids, then the babysitter or day care is going to have to pick up some of the slack for you assuming your kids are young enough to need an adult around. Also, when you get home you'll probably be tired and not have as much to give to your husband and kids.

Like I said, balance. if a woman wants to work and be a mom, she has to decide how much of each she's willing to sacrifice, because your work WILL suffer some. You're going to have to call in sick when your child is sick, you're going to have to ask for the day off when one of your kids has a dance recital, etc... and the ugly truth is, employers know this when they are interviewing prospective employees. Then, your interactions and time with your kids are also going to suffer. There will be times when probably your kids want you to play with them, but you are too tired from work, or dh wants sex, and you are too tired, (though that happens to sahm's too!), or the house gets messer cuz you don't have as much time to clean it, or you get takeout for dinner instead of cooking something healthy and delicious, or you have to miss something your kids don't want you to miss, because they need you at work. As a working mom, you have to decide how much you are willing to sacrifice from each, and which is more important to you. Yes, the husband can take on some of those sacrifices too, so you don't have to give up as much, he can sometimes be the one to rush home from work to pick up the sick kid or whatever, but likely that may negatively impact HIS career path, too.

The reason men in the past were so able to go full force after their career even though they had a family is because their wife was taking care of the kids and home, and so employers didn't hold it against an applicant if they had kids, nor did it make them less likely to get promoted. Things are changing now. Don't get me wrong, I think it's a great thing that now we women have a choice as to if we want to work or not and can be just as career oriented as men if we want to be, and our men ARE more likely to be willing to pick up some of the slack, but I don't think it makes sense to deny that there ARE sacrifices that have to be made when both parents work. Also, I want to point out that there was a period of two years in my first marriage where I worked an xh stayed home with the kids, so it doesn't ALWAYS have to be the mom who stays home, if someone is going to stay home.

It depends on how one defines all and how much one wants to invest in each aspect of life.

I was very career-oriented before I had DD. I invested everything in my career. When I had DD, that level of intense focus I had on my career shifted to her. I'm just the ind of person that can't "have it all" in terms of having a career and a little child. For me, it's all or nothing, and that's what motivated my decision to quit all my work and stay home. For other people, it might not be that way.

Not all 100%. You will be neglecting some parts of it all. You will be neglecting kids, work, home or something of the "ALL" that you want. Also, when is all enough. You will always want something else. It will never be "all" in your mind. So when is All, all? I don't think you can have it all because all does not exist. It is like looking for perfect. Perfect does not exist.

Send me email updates about messages I've received on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.
By signing up, you certify that you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.