Sunday, February 17, 2008

It is a special blonde celebration day here at McCafferty's Pub. If you are blonde it is happy hour all day long for you. To honor the blondes and the joy they add to our world here at McCafferty's, the patrons have come up with a few more blonde jokes, stories and videos.

If you are blonde yourself, there is a possibility that you may need someone to explain the jokes to you, so make sure that your other half is somewhere about while you read them.

The Firing Squad

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are about to executed by a firing squad for perpetrating crimes against humanity. The brunette and the redhead are very beautiful, while the blonde is on the plain side and is slightly on the dumber side too.

The guards bring the brunette forward first, and the executioner recites his usual statement asking the brunette if she has any last requests.

Everyone is startled, surprised and is looking around for signs of an earthquake. Amidst all of the hubbub Vanessa, the brunette, manages to disappear and evade her date with destiny.Naturally, the guards are very angry because they know they will be held accountable for letting the brunette escape. They next bring the redhead forward to face the firing squad, after which the executioner asks her if she has any last requests.

“no,” responds Nicole, the beautiful redhead.

Then the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Nicole suddenly screams loudly, "tornado!"

Once again, everyone including the guards is startled and looking skyward for signs of a tornado.

Amidst the hullabaloo, Nicole, the redhead, also manages to escape.

By this point, Ellen, the blonde, has figured out the secret to what the others did to escape. The guards angrily drag her in front of the firing squad.

The executioner then asks if Ellen has any last requests.

Ellen also replies, “No.”

So the executioner again shouts, “Ready . . . Aim . . ."

At that moment Ellen, the blonde, suddenly shouts out, "Fire!"

*****

Police Lecture

A policeman is lecturing three blonde trainees who are studying to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hides it from view.

The policeman then asks the first blonde, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we will be able to catch him quickly because he only has one eye!"

The policeman, who is a little unnerved by her response, then says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."

Flustered by the first blonde’s ridiculous response, the policeman flashes the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and then asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde is confident of her answer replying, "Ha! He would be easy to catch because he only has one ear! There can‘t be many suspects like that around."

The policeman is beginning to lose his patience with his students and responds somewhat angrily, "What's the matter with you two? Only one eye and one ear are showing because the photo is of his profile! Certainly you can come up with better answers than that!"

The officer instructor is extremely frustrated by now, but he shows the picture to the third blonde because he hopes she has more on the ball and the other two blondes. He asks in a slightly testy voice, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" Then he quickly adds, "now think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third blonde looks at the picture intently for a quite a while, then says, "Hmm...the suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is pleasantly surprised because even he doesn't really know if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's a very interesting answer. You ladies wait here for a few minutes while I check the suspect’s file."

Leaving the room the officer goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, then returns with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it. It's true! The suspect does wear contact lenses. Good work young lady! How were you ever able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the third blonde replies. "He can't possibly wear regular glasses because he has only one eye and one ear."

*****

The Ventriloquist

While touring the night clubs performing one night stands a ventriloquist stopped one night to do a performance at a small town in Kansas. He began his usual routine with his dummy on his knee as he told blonde joke after blonde joke.

Suddenly a blonde in the audience stood up on her chair and started shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. Why do you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?”

She continued, “It's men like you that keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community. We’re unable to reach our full potential as a person because of your constant jokes. You and your kind perpetuate discrimination not only against blondes, but also against women in general. It’s a disgrace that is all done under the guise of humor!"

The ventriloquist was truly embarrassed and started to apologize.

But the blonde interrupted yelling “You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee."

*****

Our video presents an event where rugby and a beautiful blonde blend together harmoniously. How refreshing.

There is a language barrier in this video, but do not let that deter you. You will enjoy it no matter what language you speak.

Now isn't that remarkable. Our bikini clad blonde was featured as athletic, beautiful and intellectual all in one video. There is hope for blonde stereotypes yet.