יום ראשון, 17 במרץ 2013

My Wife - My Psychologist

A common dilemma. We guys have issues, problems, things that trouble us, frustrations, unresolved childhood conflict etc. etc. and yet more etc.

Should we involve our wives [hoping you have only one...] in our internal struggles? Should a wife bring her husband into her world of emotional imbalance [I am referring to MILD imbalance which EVERYONE has, including yours truly]?

The answer is nuanced. The first thing that must be made clear is that your spouse is NOT going to solve your problems for you. NOBODY can solve your problems for you, not even your well paid therapist [although you solve many of his/her problems by helping pay for gas and groceries etc.]. But should you share your issues in the hope of lightening the burden?

It depends on you and the spouse. If your spouse is an emotionally understanding person and your issues aren't earth shattering, then sharing can really serve as a bridge to make you closer. Problems could and should be discussed and analyzed. This can help each person understand the other one better and cultivate empathy and deepen the bond.

If your spouse can't deal with hearing your problems - drop it. Talk to a good friend/rabbi/therapist/blogger etc. Or write it in your diary.

Even if your spouse CAN deal with your issues but you are exceptionally emotionally needy then DON'T overburden him/her. It will put undo strain on the marriage. Find someone else with whom to talk.