Thinking about the phrase, "It won't always be like this." How it can be used as either an encouragement or a warning. Feeling a little bit of both meanings these days. An awareness of both the retreating past and an impending future- and my tendency to live in one or the other.

"Art has two constant, to unending concerns. It always meditates on death, and thus always creates life."

"It was not until after the coming of Christ that time and man could breathe freely.It was not until after Him that man began to live toward the future.Man does not die in a ditch like a dog- but at home in history,while the work toward the conquest of death is in full swing; he dies sharing in this work."- Boris Pasternak

Our last stop. Beautiful.Flying by the seat of our pants. Lost on the mountain --> helpful Austrians. No room in five hotels --> "two beds for two girls left" in a hostel. God's presence & provision when we were in over our heads. Remember.

Coming up on a year anniversary for this trip. Thought it was about time to get the second half of our trip on here. Still hard to believe that we made it over there, yet the memories are still so fresh in my mind. Kandern was such a place of rest and release. Staying with Meghan's family- their hospitality was rejuvenating and I aspire to it. To feel at ease after our constant moving was a blessing. Memories consist of: a countryside walk, picking plums, llamas, grocery shopping, Turkish Doners, the faerie-esque hidden wood, evening walk, sitting on a swing, time to think.

Apathy. Lack of interest, lack of excitement. Numbness. Thoughts and feelings that weigh heavy in the soul of everyday existing. Questions. What am I doing? Where am I going? What is the point?Analyzing. What will they think of me? What do I think of me? If I just had this, looked like that, lived right there. Selfishness. So many needs of others that I cannot help yet I seem to help none at all. Disappointment. Why? Disappointed that I doubt once again. Pray. I can't. Read. I can't. Well, I can- I don't want to. Why don't I want to? Answers. I know, I know, I know- or do I? Pride. It corrupts what is good. I am like the Children of Israel (who I thought were silly as a child) and I forget that God will always provide. He has and He will though it be in ways that I don't understand. It is for me to believe, to trust.

The sun is there even when I've forgotten its warmth. May my trust be more fixed than the changing seasons.

Memories from a quick trip to Chicago on a rainy day. Breakfast and then exploring, ending with the Art Institute. It was good to not have any plans with these two. Their joy is contagious even on a rainy day. Also, we had just finished finals week– it was a good day.

I'm finally posting this since it's actually raining again. It didn't seem right to post it when it was below zero outside...

A few visual documents of my semester. Some of the people, places, conversations, and light.

After journaling during the summer I didn't at all once school started, and I wish that I had. I've been finding that journaling not only helps to recall events but also helps me to remember the act of thinking. Remembering what and how I thought helps me to see the growth (or dormancy) of my mind and spirit. My mind may be fickle, but God is faithful. And His faithfulness is evident as I look back at my summer entries. They remind me to make a point of journaling; even the hard things that I'd rather not write down because I don't understand them. I think it's time to get out of my head and think a little more– out loud, or on paper.

When the child was a child, Berries filled its hand as only berries do, and do even now, Fresh walnuts made its tongue raw, and do even now.It reached for cherries in topmost branches of trees with an elation it still has today, has a shyness in front of strangers, and has that even now. It awaited the first snow, And waits that way even now.

- Peter Handke -

The snow keeps coming and the temperature is dropping. Shoveling will soon (hopefully) give way to sledding and ice skating in these last days of break.

But in the mean time, if you're voluntarily stuck inside... take a look at:

this map. [careful, your laptop may sound like a mini jet engine. but it's worth it.]

The new year just seems like a good time for starting things... a good, clean, agreed upon starting point. That's all.

So maybe this is a "resolution." But let's not call it that, too much pressure.

The people along the sandAll turn and look one way.They turn their back on the land.They look at the sea all day.

The land may vary more;But wherever the truth may be–The water comes ashore,And the people look at the sea.

They cannot look out far.They cannot look in deep.But when was that ever a barTo any watch they keep?

- Robert Frost -

I hope to live by water when I'm old. I took these on a camping trip to Warren Dunes on Lake Michigan. Not quite the sea, but it's as good as it gets in the Midwest... and I love it. The trip was just what I needed in the midst of a hard semester. I was and I am still reminded of God's grace.