If I'm the DM, I'm the guy who's job it is to keep people from going to the hospital, jail, or the morgue. If I'm just an attendee, safety it's somebody else's problem until someone starts screaming for help.

ChuDogg:Rent Party: I used to get a ration of shiat whenever I would observe that there isn't a woman on the planet that doesn't like a smack in the ass, and to be told she's pretty.

This 50 Shades thing has validated my observations, and I simply refer anyone objecting to that truth to the NYT best seller's list for more information.

And also, in before the hipsters telling us that whatever those people were up to wasn't *real* kink...

Greymalkin: Thanks to women working hard like so:

[blsciblogs.baruch.cuny.edu image 500x756]

Then future generations following it up:

[24.media.tumblr.com image 400x300]

[www.newyorker.com image 465x315]

Women in the Western world are more liberated, free, educated and able to make whatever choices they like than in any other time or place in human history.

And with that freedom of choice they have picked the following works (written by women for women) as their selections to outsell and thus by association represent their desires over everything else directed at their gender.

[images.wikia.com image 300x420]

[www.arnizachariassen.com image 850x429]

The following is how the patriarchy feels about this outcome.

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 240x311]

Lookup the "Norway paradox" or Norwegian paradox. As liberal democracies expand and women more and more are free to choose their path, the biological differences actually become more pronounced. The result is that Norway, one of the most feminist countries in the world,actually has more pronounced gender differences than most conservative countries, including places like Pakistan and Indian. The theory is that since the outcome is not forced, women naturally and biologically more inclined to fields like nursing or child care, while conservative areas women are often forced into fields like medicine and law.

You could make the same hypothesis in the social agreement. As we are more and more free to chose our own mates and have power in the relationship, women are making choices drawn from their biological urges. The result is that women are listing to be over powered and control, even though publicly they proclaim to want fairness and equality. The result is a whole generation of men who almost walk on egg shells to court women, yet they are being drawn even more to alpha males (and men who appear to be alpha). So a minority of men, pysopayhs, thugs, and abusers have no shortage of wowomen while stable middle class engineer types troll eharmony hopelessly. I would expect to see more of this, as well as polyamorous marriages and relationships as these dominant men have less to hold them back from courting a multitude of women willing to withstand abuse. This case has less to do withe rights of women but a legal system that can no longer maintain traditional social mores.

How sexually damaged does a person have to be to not only GO to a SM party, but to be the ref? I just can't imagine the mindset of someone who wakes up in the morning, and has "make sure these freaks don't hemorrhage each other with rubber horse dongs" on the calender.

Rent Party:The notion that you think you would ever have anything to say about what I do and don't do is *exactly* the kind of hipster douchbag rule fetish I'm talking about, and *exactly* the kind of control freak asshole bit mentioned above. "Allow me?" Who the fark do you think you are?

Yes, telling you "That's a choking hazard, stop it" is being a hipster douchebag.Saying "You can't break skin without following sterile procedure" is an unreasonable fetish ruleTelling you "your sub used the house safeword, and you ignored it. Pack your shiat and get out." is an intrusion on your imagined rights.

Got it.

You probably don't like the bartender cutting you off or the bouncer throwing you out of a bar, either.

Magorn:Fun fact: Compulsive Gamblers, studies have proven,do not get addictted to the feeling they get whenhey win, most have little or no emotional reaction when they win, even when they win big. What they get addicted to, ironically enough, is the chemicals that make that small sick, scared feeling you get whe you lose, particularly when you lose money you can't afford to lose in the first place.

So people also eroticize that scared feeling, which isn't suprising given the proximity of the genetalia to the pit of your stomach, and so anticpation of pain and or humliation becomes a sensation that, if not exactly pleasurable, is still sought after, and when you combine that with the endorphin rush that properly applied pain causes...well, it's skytockets for many people without any other stimulation

This is interesting. I'm not a gambler, but my father was - and I am kinky, but (at least as far as I've tried) not masochistic.

Cats_Lie:consent is not a defense to assault resulting in serious physical injury

I guess I should change careers (I was going to be a surgeon).

Actually it IS a defense, what is mis-named as "assault" in most criminal cases is, tecnically speaking, "battery" and the legal defintion of that is "an UNCONSENTED TO harmful or offensive contact" (assault is technically making someone afraid that a battery is imminent)

clyph:Rent Party: The notion that you think you would ever have anything to say about what I do and don't do is *exactly* the kind of hipster douchbag rule fetish I'm talking about, and *exactly* the kind of control freak asshole bit mentioned above. "Allow me?" Who the fark do you think you are?

Yes, telling you "That's a choking hazard, stop it" is being a hipster douchebag.Saying "You can't break skin without following sterile procedure" is an unreasonable fetish ruleTelling you "your sub used the house safeword, and you ignored it. Pack your shiat and get out." is an intrusion on your imagined rights.

Got it.

You probably don't like the bartender cutting you off or the bouncer throwing you out of a bar, either.

Look, you're farked up no matter how "civilized" you act when you're being all freaky.

Also, as a DM, do you have a cape? Got any stories about rolling a natural 20 at just the right time?

Magnanimous_J:How sexually damaged does a person have to be to not only GO to a SM party, but to be the ref? I just can't imagine the mindset of someone who wakes up in the morning, and has "make sure these freaks don't hemorrhage each other with rubber horse dongs" on the calender.

Mostly it's just a matter due diligence on the part of the host. Over 20 years I've had to intervene maybe 3 or 4 times. I view it in about the same light as volunteering to be the designated driver.

The Muthaship:If you get your sexual kicks from inflicting pain on and exerting total control over others, you are one step below a serial killer in my book. That is, of course, until you actually kill someone.....

DWitchiewoman:I've been reading your posts and now I'm curious as to what exactly is on that list...

House rules vary based on location but the general set of rules I go by are:No play under the influence of drugs or alcohol.House safeword is ____. You will be forcibly restrained if you do not respect it.No choking hazardsMake sure bound limbs have adequate blood flowNo suspension scenes without spotters (or maybe even no suspension, depending on venue)Follow proper sterile procedure for any bodily fluids.Wipe down the equipment when you're done.Don't intrude on anyone else's scene without being invited. Keep a respectful distance when watching.

Depending on venue (public club vs private party) there may be no-nudity or no-penetration rules that have to be followed for legal reasons.

Baelz:We have this same problem where I live as well. Even something as simple and basic as a spanking is considered assault. When ever someone new comes into the BDSM community we always make sure they're educated about the Laws, and safety.

www.ncfsfreedome.org

I've done things that make 50 Shades of Grey look like a childrens bedtime story in comparison. Would be arrested just like this guy, but as a Dom I always practice safety first and do not ever permanently harm or break my toys. Sure mistakes can happen when doing edge play, but sending a bottom to the hospital is HUGE fail on this guy. Sounds like he was dangerous, and deserves to be removed, but it sucks that all of BDSM has to be shined with the same light.

It's more confusing than that. He had consensual SM sex with his wife, which put her in the hospital. He later was accused of nasty nonconsensual stuff with another woman. They're trying to use the SM stuff with his wife as evidence against him in the trial.

I don't think there's enough in the article to determine if its use is appropriate.

clyph :House rules vary based on location but the general set of rules I go by are:No play under the influence of drugs or alcohol.House safeword is ____. You will be forcibly restrained if you do not respect it.No choking hazardsMake sure bound limbs have adequate blood flowNo suspension scenes without spotters (or maybe even no suspension, depending on venue)Follow proper sterile procedure for any bodily fluids.Wipe down the equipment when you're done.Don't intrude on anyone else's scene without being invited. Keep a respectful distance when watching.

Depending on venue (public club vs private party) there may be no-nudity or no-penetration rules that have to be followed for legal reasons.

Thanks for your reply. That all sounds completely reasonable. Amazing how the imagination can run with a lack of info...

clyph:DWitchiewoman: I've been reading your posts and now I'm curious as to what exactly is on that list...

House rules vary based on location but the general set of rules I go by are:No play under the influence of drugs or alcohol.House safeword is ____. You will be forcibly restrained if you do not respect it.No choking hazardsMake sure bound limbs have adequate blood flowNo suspension scenes without spotters (or maybe even no suspension, depending on venue)Follow proper sterile procedure for any bodily fluids.Wipe down the equipment when you're done.Don't intrude on anyone else's scene without being invited. Keep a respectful distance when watching.

Depending on venue (public club vs private party) there may be no-nudity or no-penetration rules that have to be followed for legal reasons.

Hmmmm...I see a theme here. Everyone is picking on the Dom saying he's sick and twisted, but nothing about subs who want to submit and participate of their own free will. People in the lifestyle are not in it for the attention. For the majority of the day/week/year we HAVE to HIDE what we are.

clyph thank you for being a DM. You provide a very important stability to the scene.

As far as "Dom" men being control freaks and manipulative? Yeah, they don't last long. I've only been part of our club for 3 years and I've seen plenty of that type come and go. There is a huge difference in between being Dominant and dominating.

The Jami Turman Fan Club:Baelz: We have this same problem where I live as well. Even something as simple and basic as a spanking is considered assault. When ever someone new comes into the BDSM community we always make sure they're educated about the Laws, and safety.

www.ncfsfreedome.org

I've done things that make 50 Shades of Grey look like a childrens bedtime story in comparison. Would be arrested just like this guy, but as a Dom I always practice safety first and do not ever permanently harm or break my toys. Sure mistakes can happen when doing edge play, but sending a bottom to the hospital is HUGE fail on this guy. Sounds like he was dangerous, and deserves to be removed, but it sucks that all of BDSM has to be shined with the same light.

It's more confusing than that. He had consensual SM sex with his wife, which put her in the hospital. He later was accused of nasty nonconsensual stuff with another woman. They're trying to use the SM stuff with his wife as evidence against him in the trial.

I don't think there's enough in the article to determine if its use is appropriate.

It was the other woman he put in the hospital. And the case against him seems largely to be based on that woman being mentally challenged. It's hard to tell from this article alone, but there's a lot more information here:LinkBasically, there's a LOT more to the story than "he had kinky sex with her and things went wrong."

If I'm the DM, I'm the guy who's job it is to keep people from going to the hospital, jail, or the morgue. If I'm just an attendee, safety it's somebody else's problem until someone starts screaming for help.

clyph:Rent Party: The notion that you think you would ever have anything to say about what I do and don't do is *exactly* the kind of hipster douchbag rule fetish I'm talking about, and *exactly* the kind of control freak asshole bit mentioned above. "Allow me?" Who the fark do you think you are?

Yes, telling you "That's a choking hazard, stop it" is being a hipster douchebag.

I'm the guy that will tell you to get the fark out of my sex, douchebag. *I and my partner,* being consenting adults, will decide what is and isn't appropriate. And we will do it all without the wisdom of your expertise.

You probably don't like the bartender cutting you off or the bouncer throwing you out of a bar, either.

Rent Party, people like clyph are there to make sure people don't get seriously hurt. Beginners may not know where the lines are and he's there to step in if something goes sideways. And actually I know more authentic people in the scene than out. Stop being judgmental. Just because we don't follow the same path doesn't mean we're any less "real" than you.

Do you go to a gym?Does that gym have rules?Does that gym have someone who enforces those rules?Does that person kick you out if you don't follow those rules?Do you get the point yet?

Whenever you have an event that's open to the public, you always get that one asshole (like you) who thinks the rules don't apply to him. Someone (like me) has to be there to keep him from hurting somebody or ruining the party for everyone else.

Magorn:Cats_Lie: consent is not a defense to assault resulting in serious physical injury

I guess I should change careers (I was going to be a surgeon).

Actually it IS a defense, what is mis-named as "assault" in most criminal cases is, tecnically speaking, "battery" and the legal defintion of that is "an UNCONSENTED TO harmful or offensive contact" (assault is technically making someone afraid that a battery is imminent)

Thus boxing, hockey, and football are able to legally exist

ding ding ding!

If you don't have a problem with football players smashing heads until they can't remember their names, you have no business telling sex freaks to tone it down, since both cases are consensual.

Aello:Rent Party, people like clyph are there to make sure people don't get seriously hurt. Beginners may not know where the lines are and he's there to step in if something goes sideways. And actually I know more authentic people in the scene than out. Stop being judgmental. Just because we don't follow the same path doesn't mean we're any less "real" than you.

Beginners? Lines? That doesn't sound like "I'm OK with your kink." That sounds like a stratified social structure where some people are more equal than others because, well, they know the rules and stuff. They use words like "vanilla" to describe someone else's sex, all the while proclaiming how egalitarian they are. People like clyph are classic followers that have created a set of rules that enable them to climb a completely fictional social hierarchy.

And that is *entirely* the point. People that go in for that kind of thing aren't kinky, they're boring. They can have their rules and their pathetic little ladder if it makes them a big fish in their little pond, but lets not sit around and pretend that it's anything other than that.

People have been farking since we crawled out of the muck as alligators. I'm pretty sure they can figure it out without your help.

Thisbymaster:I would expect to see more of this, as well as polyamorous marriages and relationships as these dominant men have less to hold them back from courting a multitude of women willing to withstand abuse.

clyph:Whenever you have an event that's open to the public, you always get that one asshole (like you) who thinks the rules don't apply to him. Someone (like me) has to be there to keep him from hurting somebody or ruining the party for everyone else.

So we can dispense with your fiction of "I'm OK with your kink" then, right? And we can acknowledge that my description of "I'm OK with your kink so long as it follows this list of rules right here, and doesn't at all resemble anything out of this stupid ass book, and you acknowledge that you are a silly n00b and I am the kink master" is *entirely* accurate.

You guys are pathetic. Really. Close minded asshole control freaks, the lot of you.

jigger:Thisbymaster: I would expect to see more of this, as well as polyamorous marriages and relationships as these dominant men have less to hold them back from courting a multitude of women willing to withstand abuse.

If I'm the DM, I'm the guy who's job it is to keep people from going to the hospital, jail, or the morgue. If I'm just an attendee, safety it's somebody else's problem until someone starts screaming for help.

So you're the guy that thinks "consenting adults" need a referee?

Mighty kinky of you, Senator.

You guys are all posers, and phony as a three dollar bill.

How are they phony? He isn't going into their bedrooms. He is at a public place where people go to be together and they expect the extra protection of the dm

No_Good_Name:How are they phony? He isn't going into their bedrooms. He is at a public place where people go to be together and they expect the extra protection of the dm

He's a smarmy pretentious douche that casts dispersion on whatever it is that is getting other people off.

Observe:

No, really, allow me to demonstrate, with you first.

There is a short list of specific techniques/activities that are considered verboten

Verbotten? But I thought...

Your kink is not my kink, but your kink is OK

And also......which hipster douche said this?

When I saw all the interest in 50 Shades of Grey I was like "LOL newbs".

He isn't an "I'm OK you're OK" equal opportunity freak, he's a rigid, close minded socialite protecting his place in the fiefdom. That he would sneer at whatever motivated someone else to fark in whatever way makes them happy, and then assumes he has some kind of authority or right to judge is *classic* hipster.

Rent Party:I'm the guy that will tell you to get the fark out of my sex, douchebag. *I and my partner,* being consenting adults, will decide what is and isn't appropriate. And we will do it all without the wisdom of your expertise.

Then do it at home, not at a public event or a party I'm running. Because I'll kick your ass out and perma-ban you if you can't play safe and follow the rules... although I suspect your epic butthurt stems from the fact that you've already been black-balled from every scene club within a hundred miles of you. If you can't understand that your know-it-all arrogance endangers EVERYONE in the scene, you are persona non grata.

I'll be looking forward to reading about you in a future thread after you're arrested for your unsafe, reckless, and probably non-consensual behavior. And then we all get to explain AGAIN why assholes like you aren't representative of (or welcome in) the organized BDSM community.