I am the First Lady of HR with a stellar career.
"People" is my middle name, on Tuesdays.
"Save a dollar, save a dime, spending cash is a corporate crime"

Wednesday, 10 December 2014

Fat Financial package and incentives available to recruit geeks for Internet of Things

Installments

Do you personally know of any geeks who want to join a wow wow wow company? That's 3 wows. My "ask" is to review the gory details, and spread the word.

Comrade Carl Mark's R&D Department is about to recruit 10 fresh geeks to develop the interface between our newest product and the internet of things.

The geeks will be tasked with "embedding" some of our existing products' deficiencies into the internet of things, which will enable our existing developers to move on to better and more sexier things, without wasting time on "operability issues".

Many readers of this blog may ask, "why join the company where Gloria works?" There is no need to ask that question. That's why my "positive-thinking" coach told me. He pumps gas and sells herbal cures to supplement his income.

The financial package we offer is truly incredible. All geeks get a fat loan, a Blackberry Passport, a picture of Cynthia Axe at our Health Club doing push ups and an exemption from being fired by text for 2 months. Furthermore, each new recruit will get to view a management webinar from Poland-based based Wiser@work.

The fat loan I was referring to is delivered to each recruit in installments, from the word, stall. Exact details are being worked out by our attorneys.

Our company's core belief is that "to the internet of things, our future clings". What does this mean? It means that HR will stand behind you in the rare case that you encounter difficulties, as it were.

My Dad, Pierre Elliot used to joke about "standing behind you". However, this blog, and its readers are posh. Some readers have a British accent, or at least speak good English.