12 Celebrities Who Clearly Can’t Afford Clothing

We think we know celebrities so well, don’t we? We think they drink diamond smoothies for breakfast and drive hovercrafts to their movie sets and go home to their mansions made of gold and swim in a dollar-sign-shaped pool filled with hundred dollar bills before retiring to a bed with blankets spun from unicorn hair. Or something like that, give or take a couple things. But if you really consider it, a lot of those celebrities probably don’t have as much money as we believe them to have. Just look at what they wear. If you could afford a shirt or a bra to go under that shirt, wouldn’t you wear it? Logic says you would. But these twelve celebrities don’t wear the clothes we assume that can afford, so clearly the only logical conclusion we can come to is that they actually can’t afford clothes. Should we all chip in to buy them each a full outfit?

1. Naya Rivera

(Photo: FayesVision/WENN)

Poor Naya can’t even afford a shirt that covers her entire torso. She was even forced to attend her brother’s football game this weekend wearing only half a football jersey. She’s lucky she has such amazing abs in the place where her shirt should be.

Justin Bieber has such a hard time keeping a shirt on his back that he’s resorted to building a shirt out of tattoos. He’s already finished one sleeve. Now all that’s left is the other sleeve and the torso. Shirt donations are welcomed, preferably if the shirt is a very long wife-beater.

4. Lady Gaga

(Photo: RHS/WENN)

Gaga was recently caught wandering naked through the woods. She claims it was for art, but I think we all know she was on an epic quest for clothes. She’s so desperate for clothing she had to drape herself in meat to attend an award show. And you know how she wore that thong in the audience of the VMAs last month? Pretty sure she just didn’t have anything to change into.

5. Matthew McConaughey

(Photo: Gaz Shirley/Pacific Coast News)

Matthew seems to have come into a bit of shirt money in recent years, but there was a while there where I couldn’t picture what he looked like with a shirt on. Now that he’s regaining all that weight he lost for Dallas Buyers Club, I’m concerned he’s going to spend all his money on food and go back to old shirtless McConaughey. It’s pleasant to look at, sure, but I don’t want him to be chilly.

Ke$ha herself said she smells like a hobo, and she’s even worn a garbage bag dress. Are we sure this isn’t just because that’s all she can afford? She clearly can’t afford pants.

9. David Beckham

(Photo: WENN)

To be fair, David Beckham’s wife is a fashion designer, and it looks like she dresses him in the finest clothes when she can, but David just can’t seem to find clothes for himself when he’s alone. Whether he’s doing a photoshoot or running around the soccer field, Becks is very often shirtless. Or pantsless. Sometimes both.

10. Lena Dunham

(Image: WENN.com)

Even at the Emmys last year Lena Dunham had to hide in a bathroom stall for lack of clothing. Her wardrobe budget on Girls must also be teensy tiny, because I know her boobs like the back of my hand.

To be fair, the photograph above was taken on the set of Jen’s movie Squirrels to the Nuts, but let’s be honest. She never wears a bra. I think we should stop our desperate search for her baby bump and start searching for where her bra went. Her nipples were practically the seventh and eighth main characters on Friends.

Apart from Lena Dunham (not sure – I missed the Emmys), none of these people are omitting clothing for any creative purpose. They’re just going, “Look at me! I’m running around in my underwear!” That hasn’t been daring and edgy since about a month after Madonna appeared onstage for the first time. Now it just looks affected.

MCR

I can’t join in on the Jennifer Aniston thing. I can recall a time when bras stopped being body-modification devices that both disguised and altered the shape of the breast, and became simpler, more lightweight garments that offered support alone. The nipples were visible under clothing while wearing those bras, and no one thought twice about it. Shop window mannequins were made with nipples that would show through clothing, because that’s the way women normally looked. I’m a little surprised to find that nipples – not only women’s, but sometimes men’s – have become shocking and indecent again, and to see female celebrities criticized for not keeping them under control and out of the sight of innocent children. It’s a backward step, as I see it, and I’m not participating.

beachythings

Recently I was really, really low on cash and debts were eating me from all sides! That was UNTIL I decided to make money on the internet. I went to surveymoneymaker dot net, and started filling in surveys for cash, and surely I’ve been far more able to pay my bills!! I’m so glad, I did this! – duap