Originally posted by carnation Hey guys--
So often when a rushee posts her experiences, someone will say, "Don't worry, you'll end up where you were meant to!" or something along those lines. It worries me every time because you know how quirky rush is and sometimes "our" GC rushees don't get bids.

Can't you just picture their dismay if they think that's all they're good for? And no, not all women want to take the bull by the horns and try to turn around a very weak group.

I've put off posting this for months because I didn't know how to say it in a PC way but finally decided I had to say it. Women from SEC schools will understand!

Carnation,
I am really glad that you brought this up, because I am someone who had a disappointing, nay, DEVASTING rush. I rushed and was bid by a group that I did not want to be in at all. I really do feel that there should be some sort of "disclaimer" for girls who are about to embark on rush...they should be forewarned that they could be supremely pleased or supremely disappointed.

I ended up accepting my bid and then turned it down 2 days later. When I opened my bid envelope, I burst in tears because my 2 final parties had been a group that I loved and a group that I did not want to be in whatsoever
(Sidebar: on my campus at that time, we were not ALLOWED to drop sororities, if you got invited back, you had to go. That is how I kept ending up getting invited back to the group that I didn't want, and I would never be so uncouth as to say to someone's face "I don't want to be in this sorority". Panhel has since changed and now PNM's are now allowed to drop groups at that campus.) When I opened my bid and starting crying really hard, my PX pretty well could not console me, and my tears were not that of someone who had gotten their #2 pick, my tears were that I was bid by a group that I did not want and now I was stuck and could not rush again for a whole year. Dropping out prior to this did not even enter my mind, because stupid me, I didn't even know that Informal Rush or COB existed. I just thought...if you don't Formal Rush, there's no other way to become a member in a sorority). Also, when I filled in my bid card, I was bullied by one of the other Rho Chi's who told me that I MUST put down both of Preference Parties; I couldn't put down 1 and then some other groups (I didn't want to Suicide Bid, but I didn't want to put down the group that I didn't want either).

Put it this way, I went to a Sigma Chi party after accepting my bid and burst into tears when I saw the other rushees who were bid by other sororities that I would have longed to be in (I could tell what sororities they had got by their "ribbons"). I returned my bid shortly after that because I knew that I should not go through with pledging this sorority, when I knew in my deepest heart that I would always long to be in one of the other ones.

Now before everyone jumps on me and says, "You should have given that group a chance", please know that I tried, I really did.
However, (to quote Erika XO "nobody goes into rush with the idea of joining the least prestigious chapter on campus. Nobody likes getting cut. It has been said that if you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas. That works in reverse too. If you are part of a group that is thought of as the prettiest, or the smartest, or the richest, or the sweetest & coolest, the perception will be that you have that quality too. It is only natural for people to want to be a part of that." )

I had transferred from a non-Greek university, because my Dad drowned in kayaking accident just after I turned 19 and I wanted to be in a university that was nearer to my family. As it turned out, that nearby university had a Greek system and I thought a sorority would be very good for me, so that I could have a big circle of girlfriends who would support me since I was still in mourning and really needed it. I really would have liked to have been surrounded by a sorority that was strong and established on campus, not one that was in danger of having its charter yanked due to small numbers! In hindsight, I don't think I was able to put my best foot forward duing rush and I don't think I had it "in me" to turn a weak chapter around.

I also have to say, "Can't you just picture their dismay if they think that's all they're good for" hits the nail on the head. I was devasted that I wasn't bid by one of the more (err...) "popular" groups. What can I say, back then, I was 20, things like that are important when you're 20. I saw the stronger, popular sororities, and I pretty well shredded my self-esteem because I thought I didn't get in because I wasn't pretty enough, good enough, cool enough whatever.

Anyhow, I managed to bounce back and 11 years after that disappointing rush, I was alumna initiated into a sorority that I LOVE. But trust me, when I hear of girls who are disappointed in rush, I do feel their pain.