The Stickum Champ

Hey let’s play a game. I describe something what a very well-known NBA player did, and you have to guess who that player is.

Here we go. Which veteran front court player used stick-um on his hands in the middle of a game, got caught for it, is now getting investigated for it, and had this to say for himself “I ain’t even tripping.” ….and the answer is… NBA First-Team All Tool and self-professed champion, Dwight David Howard!

Here’s another question: Did you even know that stickum and the NBA was even a thing? Apparently it is. And Dwight’s not the only guy to use it, just the only guy dense enough to get busted for it.

Dwight sprayed down his hands in the middle of Rockets-Hawks, then grabbed the ball in the middle of some Paul Millsap free throws, only for Millsap to get the ball and say what the hell is this sticky crap all over it? It’s like Dwight was TRYING to get caught.

It is an illegal substance just like in the NFL, and again, the Association is now investigating him for it. But no need to waste man hours on that. Dwight came out and cleared that up to save time. “I dont’ know why people are making a big deal out of it. I do it every game.”

He also said he’s been doing it for 5 years!

Dwight- people are making a big deal because it’s illegal. Because the can you were using was taped over to conceal it. And because you’ve been doing it 5 years! You know who WAS Tripping? Your own coach J.B. Bickerstaff, because he tried to conceal your stickum on the sideline and the ref told him – I know what you’re hiding.

So everybody’s trying to cover for him, and Dwight’s just like – What? I’ve done this, every single night for the last 5 years!

Big man- I would ask you, “why the hell do you even need stickum to get a grip on the ball when you’re 6’11 and can palm the entire arena?” … But I know you’d just turn that question into some kind of 4th grade joke too. Like everything else.

I know, I know – you ain’t even tripping. But you are definitely stickin’. Because you ain’t even thinking. You’re the stickum champ, Dwight. And they can never take that away from you. Because this time the trophy’s stuck to your freaking hand.

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