Over the past year, I’ve tried valiantly to keep the dream of daily gourmet desk lunches alive. Apparently, however, this city’s epicureans have all died or moved away. You see, my beloved artisanal lunchmaker Maple—the popular food delivery service backed by superstar chef David Chang—announced it’s shutting down…

My existence hinges on three things, each interconnected: Food, laziness, and websites that bring food to me. Today, the third has been rendered null. Thus begins the domino effect that leads to me wasting away to death. And I didn’t even get to try that new sushi place down the street.

Seamless changed the way we order food. And now Square wants to change it all over again with Caviar, a premium courier service for restaurant deliveries that's finally going nationwide—and mobile. The Caviar app just came out, and it basically lets you order food from all the restaurants that aren't on Seamless.

There are 6,245 restaurants on Seamless in New York City. Sometimes deciding between a roast beef sandwich and a pepperoni pizza is an impossible choice. But this is not an isolated dilemma—the question of what to watch, what to eat, and what to click is indicative of an issue that plagues the whole internet.

Great and powerful provider of food delivery Seamless and GrubHub take almost a 14 percent cut on every order, according to data culled by Quartz from the company's IPO prospectus. That means in some cases, Seamless is eating almost all the gratuity, if you give the traditional 15 - 20 percent.

Starting today, you'll be able to order from GrubHub and Seamless restaurants directly from Foursquare. In addition to the usual info you see when you look up a restaurant, you'll also see the option to order from participating joints. Which is kind of weird because Foursquare is about going places and delivery is…

You can now order food for delivery and pickup directly through Yelp. There's no threat to your pal Seamless just yet—Yelp's service is only available at a few places in New York and San Francisco for now. But it will roll out to other cities in the next few months.

In case you hadn't heard, pretty much everyone in America has the Flu right now. It's bad for economic productivity—unless you work in the food delivery business, in which case, the listless and miserable are a boon for business. The online food ordering service Seamless reports huge month-over-month increases in some…

Sure, this might be "unethical," but if you turn up your pirated music a bit louder, it'll drown out the sound of internal indignation. FWD's depraved cyber food sloth Jack Stuef has a lesson in gourmet con artistry. Get hungry!

Seamless, né SeamlessWeb, is our favorite enabler of 21st century sloth—a few clicks, and food arrives at your door or desk, virtually no human interaction required. It's lovely! And now it's on your iPad at its indulgent best.

Seamless, formerly SeamlessWeb, allows me to lie on my couch, corpselike, and have delicious food delivered directly to my door with a few clicks (or smartphone taps). Now they own MenuPages, and slothful America can order in even smarter.

Here's a problem you might have encountered: you're boppin' along to a song on your computer when you realize it's time to leave. So in addition to putting on socially acceptable clothes and making sure you have your keys, you have to tap, tap, tap your way to that same song on your iPhone, too. Ugh. What a pain.…