The Boys in Blue Arrive.

On Monday morning my internet connection with Tooway died, the modem just decided to stop working, none of the little blue lights were blinking. I think it has decided to go on holiday just like the rest of Italy, after all it is August and as we all know Italy closes for August.

I locked the house and left Killer in charge, with strict instructions not to let the big dog next door into the garden and to keep strangers away. I told Killer I would only be gone for an hour while I went to office no 2in Fubine and send a message asking Tooway to send me a replacement modem . You may remember, I spent nearly 12 month drinking copious quantities of coffee while I used the cafes internet connection.

Killer was left in charge of security

When I returned Mishmash my stupid cat was sat in the lounge making herself comfy on the settee, for a moment I was a little puzzled. I didn’t remember leaving a set of keys with Mishmash and besides I knew Killer wouldn’t have let Mishmash in the house.

Mishmash with one of her kittens

And then the smell struck me!! I knew I recognised the smell, but I couldn’t quite place it, a very acrid smell. My first reaction was to make sure I hadn’t left the gas on, but who needs gas when you are surviving on Corn Flakes and wine? The smell was drifting down the staircase and then I realised what the smell was, it was the smell when someone cuts metal with a grinder.

I ran up the stairs, very slowly and cautiously. In my haste to confront the burglars I had forgotten to pick up my baseball bat that is in the dinning-room or even Mrs Sensible’s wooden spoon that was still hanging in the kitchen. Bravely I shouted “release the hounds” and shouted BARK BARK BARK WOOF WOOF in a feeble attempt to scare off any intruders that were still in the house.

My Office They left footprints in the dust

The nasty horrible robbers, (I haven’t used any swear words because Mrs Sensible wouldn’t approve) had left a mess in my office, they had used a grinder to break into my wall safe. Which was a bit stupid really because the key was on the shelf and the only thing in the wall safe were some out of date credit cards and my passport.

The jewellery, that had been in my family for the past 14 years, the items I had intended to hand down to my son, were carefully hidden in my bedside cabinet. I rushed through and saw that my bedroom had been ransacked, Yes they had stolen my gold plated cuff-links, our wedding rings, my broken watch and a gold chain. (Sorry son).

On our little lane are three houses, one is used as a weekend retreat and the other is owned by Miss Marples (Dottoressa Paula) so I walked down to her house and asked her if she could call the police for me.

The boys in Blue arrived

In my wonderful Italian, I explain in great detail that I hadn’t touched anything, To preserve any evidence I hadn’t entered the crime scene. I was therefore a little astonished when the two Carabinieri, walked straight over to the safe and completely destroyed the footprints that had been left in the grinder dust by the villains. Hercule Poirot would be furious.

Look Hastings, the carabinierie are destroying the evidence

While we were in the bedroom, Mrs Marples made an amazing discovery. She said the villains had entered through my bedroom window, she showed me the broken mosquito netting and the scrapes on the outside wall where they had climbed up the wall. I looked at her in amazement, even the Carabinieri were suitably impressed, as the policeman reached to open the window, I implored him not to destroy the fingerprints on the window, he shrugged and said “they are Furbo they will have worn gloves” and with that he grasped the window handle and destroyed the fingerprints. I decided I needed to either fetch Mrs Sensible’s wooden spoon or fetch a glass of grappa.

On the way to the police station we phoned Mrs Sensible and broke the news to her. Mrs S gave me a list of her jewelry which we added to the list. When Mrs Marples and I arrived at the police station we made a complete statement. I told the policeman they were big men, I explained about the big footprints in the grey dust. Are they still there he asked excitedly. Unfortunately not, but there are lots of Carabinieri footprints.

There is some good news, I found Mrs Sensible’s gold chain that she was given on her 18th birthday and her broach. It was in a box that had never been unpacked when we moved house.

Last but not least, Free to a good home, One cat trained to guard houses.

Oh what a terrible thing. We never had so far anyone breaking into our home as we live in an apartment but friends who have houses had already one or two brake ins…
Seems the boys in blue are very competent 🙂

Killer probably thought they had treats. Either that or you did something to offend him and he’s getting even. Had you missed cleaning the litter box recently? Slept through breakfast time? Cats are very sensitive beings. 🙂
Seriously, I’m sorry about the break-in. Nothing makes you feel violated like someone rummaging through your home.

I will tell Mrs Marples that you have been asking about her. Because I am home alone and living on Wine and Corn Flakes, I have been spending more time at her house eating her sandwiches and drinking iced tea.

So sorry to read this PN! On the plus side, at least they didn’t steal all your cheese like our burglars did… best of luck getting it all sorted and let me know if we can help in any way. I’m always happy to assist with grappa drinking!

Pecora Nera I am so sorry—there isn’t anything much worse than a thief and of that feeling of violation and anger following such an invasion of one’s private world—I pray that the Carabinieri may step up their game and find if not the thieves, your possessions—well I suppose we take from this little lesson that not all of Italy holiday’s during August. . . 😦
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So sorry, PN. I really don’t think it was Killer’s fault….after all they came in through the window and he seems to be guarding the door.
And anyone who has seen that German TV series based on Donna Leon’s Commisario Brunetti knows what bungling clowns the Carabinieri are. In case some of you haven’t seen it…Brunetti works for the Polizia. So far I have not worked out the difference between the two except according to the books and the series the Polizia are more efficient. Or so they say.

Killer had keys to the house, he was supposed to do a security check every 20 mins, instead he was romping around in the garden!!!

The carabinieri are the military police, and the Polizia are the city police. But the Carabinieri police station is closer so I called them. To be honest they are the same in Northern Italy or Sicily, they are always the butt of Italian jokes and now I understand why.

This made me feel a bit ill as I read about the theft. The robbers I hope meet with some disaster along the way. They will never be caught since the police are dumber than rocks and might just be that way intentionally. So sorry that you lost wedding rings and things that are dear to you. A big guard dog (raise as a puppy so that it will like the cats) might have helped but a cat? Well they just aren’t cut out for the job. 🙂

The cats are very pretty and just be glad that they did not get harmed by the thieves.

Pecora, I was not ill, ill but the reading about a home invasion is not funny as in hal,ha funny. Yes, it is good that no one was hurt. But, I hate the fact that they took your rings, etc. I know you can always get more but none the less is not quite the same.

Mishmash has 6 kittens, we didn’t get her to the vets in time, she was a bit of a hussy and got pregnant very early.

One of the policemen entered my house with his sub-machine gun in his hands!!! I mean I ask you, was he worried that they were still here or maybe Mrs S was hiding in another room armed with her deadly wet wooden spoon!

The robbers grand haul, was a broken watch, a set of gold plated cuff-links, a couple of wedding rings Oh and my gold chain. The laptop on the desk or the camera downstairs was worth more and when you take into account how the carabinieri searched the office and destroyed all the foot prints and finger prints it is not difficult to see the funny side.

If they had taken my laptop or my camera I would be crying.

PS I have started to teach Killer and the other kittens how to disable and restrain any future burglars.

You know (also according to the Brunetti series and books) most of the bungling ones are from Sicily so they are probably well acquainted with women wielding wooden spoons. But probably not Englishmen wielding wooden spoons.

ha ha… Cats simply refuse work disdainfully and dogs are just easy to get around. I’d love to see them ‘sharing the spoil’ under a tree in a classic old movie scene.. then creeping back home to their wives to report with results as you mentioned..

No, Odin is mine, but you can find a puppy either in a good private family, as I did, for free, or look at one of the internats. If the puppy is a mix like mine, you can get a more mentally strong dog. But remember you need to raise the dog too 😉

Oh dear, poor old PN – poxy, horrid intruders; and so darned messy – smelly too!!! nothing like the graceful lads who paid us a 4.30am visit 6 months ago. They forced the door, snaffled my knackered laptop, handbag and my downright adored Samsung Galaxy Note (it still required a couple of payments before I could truly call it “mine”)! Then, those cheeky scamps thought they’d try their luck upstairs. My daughter noticed the eerie glow of a LED through the keyhole of her bedroom door, and as she’s always hoped for the enriching experience of an alien abduction, she proffered a friendly, “Hello”, as her door noiselessly opened. At this they scooted off, relatively lootless and having wreaked only limited havoc on our home. Even my “fearsome” bulldog slept peacefully throughout, and the local gamekeeper turned up later with my bag, plus documents, which he’d found only 100 yards away. Actually, I was rather impressed by my gentlemanly burglars, and extolled their virtues to all – not that I’m offering them invitations to return. The young Carabiniere who arrived on the scene was aghast at my courageous foolhardiness in locking only the inner doors, while leaving the outer doors blithely unbolted, but I have an aversion to the bunker-like feel of my house when it’s in “lockdown” – an aversion I’ve been obliged to conquer. He told me they were having a hard time catching the thieves as they travelled on foot and had no difficulty disappearing into the dark surrounding fields. So if the Carabinieri knew, why hadn’t WE, the people, been alerted to this phenomena? I asked. I suggested the Town Crier with his bell would probably do the trick well enough … Oh Yay! Oh yay!! His quizzical expression confirmed my suspicion that he, rightly, had me down for the Neanderthal Englishwoman I am.
So, lessons learnt:- Bolt outer doors and live in the dark. Place baby listening device in the kitchen in order to hear upstairs what Betty the bulldog fails to hear as it happens around her. IF they do get in, try not to offer up what they’re looking for on a sacrificial platter so remove laptop, cellphone etc. to an “odd” location, rather than set-up on the kitchen table, or recharging by the kitchen door. And finally, (and this one’s for you PN, with your “jewellery … carefully hidden in my bedside cabinet”) , exercise ingenuity in hiding small treasures, like NOT in the pocket of a jacket hanging in the wardrobe, under the mattress, in the teapot (though, that could actually be a good one in Italy!!), or cunningly hidden in the bedside cabinet.

lol I love your comment and advice, In my office I had a pretend can of HP baked beans, it had a false plastic bottem, the can was full of English coins which Mrs S uses when teaching her chilblains at school. the twits pulled the ring pull and opened the can uffa, if only they had turned it upside down

Sooo, we’re after (two?) dim witted , boot clad, monkeys, who prefer to travel light and have a penchant for snappy dressing in cuffed shirt sleeves. (anyone you know spring to mind?). Miss Marples will be impressed – she won’t need fingerprints with leads like these!

Speaking of stupid cats, either the tom cat of Mrs Sensible or the big mangy boy friend of Mishmash (who is a bit of a hussy) is peeing on my car!!! Both doors and the boot, I bet they think it is really funny.

I normally only wash my car the first week I get it, weddings & funerals and when I am trying to sell it.

This car has been washed so many times this month, I swear it has shrunk

Haven’t posted a message for a while, though I still read regularly. I’m sorry to read about this, though. How awful for you. I’m glad that you haven’t lost your sense of humour. As Shakespeare’s adage goes:
‘The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief.’