Friday, 8 April 2016

Welcome to Womanhood: Jean Wanyana

It’s very quiet place
with not much to see but , one, two or three nurses and a couple of people
living the chapel quietly.

Painful noises are
coming out of the hospital hall. I try to take a walk around the Labor Ward , but the sight of these tall grown up women(size 16-18) in so much pain, is enough for
me to start nervously awaiting my fate.

I am four-six feet tall ,and a size eight. According
to the doctors and the few experienced mothers
that I know, all of these are red flags for a natural first birth. I am now convinced
that since am not in so much pain like the others, I will obviously NOT have a
natural birth like I had anticipated. They will cut me open…

Thirty minutes later

I start experiencing excruciating back pain.
I started vomiting I’m wondering why my body was malfunctioning, none of the
pregnancy books I read over and over again during my pregnancy ever mentioned
these malfunctions at this point. Little did I know these where signs of a
progressive labor.

It’s now only me and
my husband in the delivery room. He is too busy on the phone or behind the camcorder(but
that’s another story ...). As I experience excruciating pain a small voice
inside me is saying, “Something is not right, you should be screaming and
shouting like everyone else”, “Perhaps you will deliver 40 hours from now”,
“You could be going for C-section”

Ten minutes later

The baby’s head
appears. I’m ready to push. My husband rushes
to fetch the nurse. When she arrives, she asks me not to push because she says
I’m not ready. But I didn’t know how to not
to push!?At this point I can’t help
but push.

My baby is born. He is
now in my arms. At this particular moment, I
know I am a woman not a girl.

The next day

We head home. But home,
is not the same home. It’s now me, my
husband and our child. My mother is not there
to hold her first grandchild. She will notadvise me. She will not come to my home to nurse me. She will not come to my home to spoil me. My mother passed
away in 1996.

The emotions engulf me and I start to cry, then I remember that where
I come from, mothers are not supposed to cry.Apparently the tears will kill your baby. Mother’s must be strong. Once again realize I am a woman not a girl.

Four days later

Eventually, My husband
returns to work. It’s now just me and our baby. There is so much to do, and that the
small voice is back again doubting me, “You are never going to manage without
extra help!”

With a tear in my heart, I say
“ I am woman not a girl.” Then pull myself together nurture my child,
and to my surprise, years later, it turned out well.