SRS So im insane and I might be a father

Ok so heres the situation OT'ers. I just recently went through a manic phase and found out I am actually bipolar instead of just unipolar depression. During this manic phase I alienated and scared all my "local" college friends away (most of my good friends went out of state /town).

I also fucked up my semester since I stopped going to classes a few weeks before finals while I went manic. Me and my roomate had a falling out and I am now living with my dad. I was hospitalized twice when I was manic and i met this crazy chick there that was pretty cool. After i got into outpaitent I started hanging out with her (shes married and has 2 kids, 23). She tells me she likes me and that she is getting a divorce from her husband. I was kinda like whoa wait i hope youre not just divorcing your husband to like be with me or something but she said she wouldn't of had the courage to divorce him (hes apparently an asshole) until she met me so i still feel responsible or whatever. Time goes on, she moves into her own place, and I stop by her place and we have our first sexual expierence. Im a relatively inexpirenced lover and she had me so excited that i literally only lasted one thrust (fuck she was tight). This was my first time having sex sober so I wasnt prepared for it. Well I tried my best to pull out but i dont know If I suceeded and I was having insane panic attacks all night and couldnt sleep (and i didnt know wtf to say so i didnt say anything). It has now been 4 months since that day and I havent called her or anything. I kinda want to get back in touch with her when i get more stable but Im pussying out and im skerred i have some kid growin in this single mom with 2 kids already. My avoidiant personality disorder is out of control and I rarely leave the house and i have bad anxiety lately. WTF TO DO

TLDR;Cliffs; Im fucking batshit insane biploar and I probally came (Ejaculated) into another crazy chick and have insane kids but im too much of a pussy to get back in touch with said chick WTF should i do (been 4 months)?

damn dude you are all over the place. chances are you didnt get her pregnant. (I'd give it about a 5% chance).

I'd worry more about getting my life together and being happy before seeking a relationship. there is only heartache down that road until you have everything straight with yourself.

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yeah that was another reason I avoided her because i knew I wasnt ready for a relationship; ive been down that path and it just ends badly. Right now im rebuilding my support and working on being more self confident about myself. For a month or so I took really bad care of my self and I broke out in mad acne which i had almost eliminated before the whole manic phase but lately ive been taking much better care of my self and im almost clear again. I'm thinking about joining a gym to start running again because the meds they put me on made me gain about 30 pounds in 3-4 weeks (can you say ouch - my skin was stretching ). So yay stretch marks as a souvienur. I also stumbled upon rsdnation (http://www.rsdnation.com/index.php) which looked pretty interesting but I was wondering if anyone else had any sites/guides general tips to try and rebuild my self esteem and get rid of this crazy anxiety?