Do you make your own sloe gin, cook Christmas dinner in the Le Creuset and serve it in Emma Bridgewater crockery? The more you can tick, the more smug you are. But we won’t tell anyone

1 Panettone

Brilliant last-minute middle-class Christmas present consisting of stale
Italian bread studded with currants, which you can still buy in Waitrose on
Christmas Eve when all the other shelves have been completely emptied.

2 Clementines, not tangerines

For a month every year (December) in a bid to avoid (common) colds, many now
take vitamin C in the shape of small oranges. These used to be called
tangerines or satsumas, but now they have the more middle-class name of
clementines. People ask why clementines are more middle class than
tangerines, and we reply: “Would Churchill ever have married someone called