OK, guys, this is not a drill: numerous news sources are reporting that Mary-Kate Olsen has just tied the knot with French banker Olivier Sarkozy, half-brother of the former president of France, Nicolas Sarkozy. Unsurprisingly, there are no photos or official statements from either the alleged bride or groom, so we can’t say for certain that the two are now living in martial bliss, but the reports alone are enough to send a lifelong Olsen fan like myself into a total tizzy. Did they? Didn’t they? Is she sure? What did she wear? What did Ashley wear? Did Jesse and the Rippers perform at the reception? So many unanswered questions, so many emotions!

As we all know, sometimes the best way to grapple with your emotions is to act them out. Here to help us Olsen fans express our feelings about the (possible) marriage of Mary-Kate to a man 17 years her senior is Michelle Tanner, the twins’ alter ego during their Full House days. Come, let’s take this journey together, shall we?

When we first heard that Mary-Kate was loved up with Olivier, we were a little surprised.