Police Want To Help You Give Up Your Privacy Rights

Police Want To Help You Exercise Your New Right To Give Up Your Privacy Rights

Freewater, OH – Today, police across the country are scrambling in light of the recent Supreme Court decision surrounding warrantless searches. In his majority opinion supporting the view that consent from one person in a home giving consent to a search is sufficient, Justice Samuel A. Alito Jr. invoked a "right to consent to a search" and a "right to allow the police to enter her home."

"We used to see rights as pesky impediments to police power," Deputy Sheriff of Motts County, Ohio, Mark Cahill said. "Now we are working overtime to help citizens exercise their new right to give up their right to privacy and the privacy of any family or roommates in the residence. This kind of right is one my officers take very seriously."

Police in Motts County have set up an emergency hotline in light of the newly defined right to give up the right to privacy of others. "People have been being repressed from giving up the rights of others for far too long. My officers and I have known for a long time that people need more police involvement inside their homes. Now we have the legal backing," Cahill said.

If you need or have needed police to search your home, now you have the legal right. If you live in Motts County, you can call the emergency hotline at (800) 555-POLICESTATE.

On my visit to the station, I saw remains of a party in the break room: party hats, the remains of a cake, and empty beer cans. Asked about the mess, Deputy Sheriff Cahill said, "We had a Supreme Court Party, waiting to see whether someone had a right to give up the right to privacy of someone else," giving air quotes around the "right to privacy."