Thursday, 10 January 2013

A quick note and apology for what I suspect will be a disruption to blogging over the next few months, as I will soon bugger off on 3 months of paternity leave. Knee-deep in infant's poo and vomit as I suspect I may be, blogging will probably become less frequent.

Friday, 4 January 2013

I'll say this for self-published books: sometimes you can tell they're awful without even opening them. How's this for a blurb?

The domino effect was dominating my novice mind in such a way that I was feeling un-alcoholic delirium tremens while looking at her bosom bumping out of her cleavage. I put my mouth there and started licking. I supported her with my hand to lay down there. Her figure was so appealing to me that I was slipping down to the bottom. My mirage-burnt heart desired more and more to kiss her entire body. And that made me slip down to her G spot. My hand reached down her floss and then felt a soft touch of her labia majora while creeping through her pubic symphysis. From the back, I was still able to see her butt crack intoxicating me to have action gagnée. Her entire physic getting crammed up, was enticing me to give her Aussie kiss. She had a rampant drive of sex and her dazzling beauty was giving me the pre-penetrating feel of ecstasy and orgasm.

This is what happens when robots write porn equipped only with anatomy textbooks and intermittent access to the Indian equivalent of the Urban Dictionary. I'm an Australian, and I have no idea what "Aussie kiss" might mean in this context--normally I'd assume it meant something like a kiss flavoured with beer and charred barbecue meat, delivered during the ad break while watching a football match.

And this is the cover, with its pretty-much unbeatable title.

Vagina insanity. Yes, it certainly is.

(What's even more amazing is that the chap who wrote the book--and blurb--above has also self-published books entitled English Speaking and Grammar and English Word Power. Fortunately, to quote his biography, "[h]e is an international level English, French and Spanish language trainer for thirteen years. Not only down-to-earth but down-to-grave, observed lives from the Pandora of monkeys to the sanctuary of monks, have studied the Geeta, Bible and Qur'an all the three holy scriptures and the entire Oxford Dictionary.")

Thursday, 3 January 2013

There are quite a few Canadian books I'd like to get my hands on. unfortunately, unlike with books from the UK or the US, there are no online shops selling Canadian-published literature that don't charge embolism-inducing postage fees to post to Australia.

And now here are some more to tempt me from afar: they're the pleasingly retro-inflected A-List series from House of Anansi. Obviously inspired by old Penguins, each title has a new piece of hand-drawn illustration for its cover. Click for bigger versions.

That last title, by Lisa Moore, includes her story collection Open, which featured in this blog's second-ever post (on duplicate cover imagery).