On his deathbed, Alexander the Great summoned his generals to request three wishes:

The best doctors should carry his coffin;

The wealth he had accumulated (money, gold, precious stones) should be scattered along the way to his burial;

His hands should be left hanging outside the coffin for all to see.

Surprised by these unusual requests, one of his generals asked Alexander to explain. Here is what he said:

“I want the best doctors to carry my coffin to demonstrate that in the face of death, even the best doctors in the world have no power to heal.

I want the road to be covered with my treasure so that everybody sees that the wealth acquired on earth, stays on earth.

I want my hands to swing in the wind so that people understand that we come to this world empty-handed and we leave empty-handed after the most precious treasure of all is exhausted- Time.”

Time is our most precious treasure because it is limited. We can produce more wealth, but we cannot produce more time. When we give someone our time, we actually give a portion of our life that we will never take back. Our time is our life! The best present you can give your family and friends is your time. May we all have the wisdom to give it.

Sure you can fake the Irish accent,

but if you don’t mix in a few of these words into your sentence structure your will sound like any GobShite

Every country, every neighborhood has it slang and unique cuss words. But Ireland has a unique way of saying things, that I hope you Enjoy.

Acting the Maggot – Fooling and messing around.An Lár -(Irish- ‘On Larr’) – City Centre (An Lar is written on the front of Dublin buses to confuse tourists!)Áras an Uachtaráin - (Irish – ‘Arr Iss On Ook TarAwn’) – Home of the President i.e. Located in the Phoenix Park in DublinBad dose – Severe illnessBags (To make a bags of something) – a botched jobBang on – Correct. AccurateBanjaxed – BrokenBatch Bread - Thick bread, sometimes sliced alreadyBiteen – Little bitBlack Stuff – GuinnessBogball - Gaelic FootballBogger – A person from the countrysideBowsie – A useless good for nothing usually a maleBoyo – Male juvenile delinquentBazzer -A haircut (Cork)Brutal – Terrible or awfulBucketing down – RainingBulmers – Legendary Irish cider, called ‘Magners’ abroadBunk Off – To skip schoolChancer – Someone who’d try anything i.e. ‘chance their arm’Chiseler – A child (Dublin slang)Ciotóg- A left handed preson (irish- Kithogue)Cod/Codding ya – To pull someone’s legCollege - UniversityCraic – Fun; gossip i.e. “What’s/How’s the craic?” means “tell me your news/gossip”Crack on -Continue onCrocked - BrokenCroker - Croke Park in Dublin (main GAA stadium)Culchie – A person from the countryside (i.e. outside Dublin) from agriculturalCute hoor – A sly person, someone who quietly engineers things to his own advantage.Dekko- Look at or inspectDelira and Excira – ‘Delighted and Excited’ (Dublin slang)Dub – A Dubliner. A ‘True Blue Dub’ is praise.Dubes – Short for Dubarry (A brand of shoe favoured by Rugger Buggers)Dublin 4 / D4 - A Dublin postcode, but usually refers to a posh person (even if they’re from another Dublin postcode)Deadly – Fantastic, WonderfulDense – stupid or thickDesperate - terrible (isn’t she/he so/just so Desperate) awful (Irish Roscommon etc slang)Donkey’s years – For a very very long timeDosser – Someone who is not working at their jobEat the head off – To give out to someoneEejit – Complete foolEarwiging- Listening in to a private conversationEffin’ and blindin’ – Swearing, cursingEff off – polite swear wordFair play! – Well doneFeck Off – Go away.Fella – A guy. Particularly as in ‘Me Fella’ or ‘My boyfriend / husband / partner’ (Dublin slang)Fierce – VeryFine thing – Good looking man or womanFloozie - Woman of dubious moral attributesFluthered – Very drunkFool eegit - Idiot (Cork slang)Fooster – fiddling aboutFootball - SoccerGAA - Gaelic Athletics Association (Organisation responsible for Hurling and Gaelic Football). Sometimes referred to as ‘Gah’ instead of the G.A.A.Gaa – same as the GAA pronounced as as a single syllable GAHGaff – Home. ‘To have a free gaff’ means you’re home aloneGammy – crooked or funny looking; as in “he has a gammy leg”Gander – A quick glanceGarrison Game - Football / soccerGas – Funny or amusingGawk - To stare rudelyGaybo Famous Irish T.V and Radio personality Gay ByrneGet Outta That Garden – affectionate phrase generally thrown into a conversation to encourage laughter, example: “ah would ya get outta that garden!”Give out – To have a go / chew someone out e.g. I gave out to himGlass (A Glass of ) a half pint Beer/Cider/GuinnessGobshite - Socially inept person and / or complete foolGouger – aggressive maleGuff - excuses and liesGurrier – HooliganHames/Haymes- Complete mess e.g. to make a complete haymes of somethingHardchaw - Tough GuyHarpic – as in “a pint of harpic”, reference to Harp, a former brand of lager beerHockeyed – Heavily defeatedHoly Joe – Self righteous personHoly show – DisgraceHow’s she cutting? – ‘Hi’Howya - ‘Hi’ or a person from a rough area of DublinHurl - To play hurling. A hurley stick. To vomit. Or to throw.Jackeen – A rural person’s name for a Dubliner and it’s not nice.Jacks – toiletJo Maxi – Taxi. Shortened to simply ‘Joer’ (pronounced: jo-er)Joy (The) – Mountjoy Prison in DublinKip – a dump. e.g.: “The hotel was a complete kip.” Or to have a sleep.Knacker Drinking – To drink outside illegalyKnackered – Very tired or broken beyond repairLanger – A cork name for an unliked person (male)Langers- Very drunkLash - To rain. e.g.: “It lashed out of the heavens the whole time.” Also verb : ‘give it a lash – to make an attempt at something or ‘to go on the lash’ – to out drinkingLeg it – To run away quicklyLocked – Very drunkManky – Filthy dirty or disgustingMi Daza (Cork) Means excellent, brilliant, fantastic. Pronounced (mee-dah-za)Mineral- a soft drinkMitch - To skip schoolMoran – A foolMortified (or morto, e.g. I was morto!) – Highly embarrassedMot – Girlfriend (Dublin slang). From ‘maith’, Gaelic for ‘good’.Murder – Very difficult. e.g.: “Trying to find a taxi was murder.” Or else to really want to do something e.g. ‘I could murder a pint.’Naggin - A small bottle of alcohol, particularly vodkaNip (in the) – nudeNixer – job done for cash to avoid taxNorn Iron – Northern IrelandNot the full shilling – not fully saneNow your sucking diesel You have solved or understand a problemOn the tear – To go out drinkingOssified – Very drunkOul Fella – Your Father (Dublin slang)Oul Dear / Oul Wan – Your Mother (Dublin slang)Oul Doll - Girlfriend (Pronounced: Owl-Doll)Paralytic – Very drunkPictures - To go to the movies i.e. I went to the pictures last nightPlain – Guinness, as in Flann O’Brien’s “a pint of plain is your only man”, or similar black stoutPlastered – Very drunkPuss (To have a puss on you) – Sulky faceRugger Bugger - Person who’s posh loud and likes rugby (usually from Dublin)Rugger Hugger - Girl who’s posh and goes out with rugby players (usually from Dublin). Can also be called a ‘Rugger Bugger’.Savage - brilliant, great e.g I went to see a savage match yesterday Scarlet - To be very embarrassed e.g. ‘I was scarlet’School - Primary or Secondary School / Elementary, Junior High or Senior High SchoolSenior Cup – Major schools rugby trophy played for by schools mainly in Dublin.Shattered – Very tiredSheila – a pet name for a promiscuous girl.Shinner - Someone who supports Sinn FeinShite – something that’s bad quality, as in “the car was a pile of shite”Shower of savages – Ignorant group of peopleSlag – To make fun of someone in a nice way ,nb to be used as a verb, if not has the same meaning as elsewhere ie ‘a common prostitute’.Sleeveen – Devious and sly person, usually referring to someone from outside DublinSliced Pan - Bread bought already cut into thinnish slicesSorry- means Sorry, also used instead of excuse me or pardon me. If you want to get to the bar say Sorry !Story? (What’s the) - ‘Hi’Suckin’ diesel (Now you’re) – Now you’re talking. Now you’re doing wellTánaiste -(Irish – ‘Tawn Ish Teh’) – Deputy Prime MinisterTaoiseach – (Irish – ‘Tee Shock’) – Prime MinisterTayto – Legendary Irish brand of crisps (US ‘chips’)The Pale - Anywhere inside the Dublin regionThick – Extremely stupidThrow shapes – To show off, sometimes aggressivelyTouched - Someone who hasn’t their full mental capacities i.e. He’s touchedTown – City Centre or even the local town!Tricolour - Irish flagTrinners - Trinity College DublinUachtarán na hÉireann - (Irish – ‘Ook Tar Awn Na Hair In’) – President (Of Ireland)Weak as a kitten - Very tiredWaster - Someone who’s completely useless i.e. ‘Yer man’s an awful waster altogether’Work away – Continue what you are doingYoke – An object or thing i.e. ‘That’s a strange looking yoke, what is it?’Young Fella (male) or Young One (female) – Young man or Young woman (Dublin slang)Your Man (male) or Your Woman (female) – referring to someone you are talking about (not boy or girl friend/wife etc.)Your only man - Something that you can rely on e.g. If you’re hungry, a burger’s your only man (a burger will alleviate your hunger), see Plain above

Clean and Awesome Books for Teenagers

I have a 13 year old son and it is a constant struggle to keep his reading material age appropriate. After some research here is a list of books from 2013 that fit the teenage bill.

Besides, even though I am older, I love to wander into the young adult section of my local bookstore it should not be something your embarrassed about — even if you haven’t actually been a teen in years.

By Nick Lake
This is the story of “Shorty”-a 15-year-old boy trapped in a collapsed hospital during the earthquake in Haiti. Surrounded by the bodies of the dead, increasingly weak from lack of food and water, Shorty begins to hallucinate. As he waits in darkness for a rescue that may never come, a mystical bridge seems to emerge between him and Haitian leader Toussaint L’Ouverture, uniting the two in their darkest suffering-and their hope.

A modern teen and a black slave, separated by hundreds of years. Yet in some strange way, the boy in the ruins of Port au Prince and the man who led the struggle for Haiti’s independence might well be one and the same . . .

It all waits to be discovered in Gollup the Woods, an unforgettable novel that mixes fiction and friendships into a wonderful reading experience.
As our story opens, a horrific family tragedy sets thirteen-year old twins Josie and Seamus journeying to Glendalough Ireland, where they discover the crumbling ruins of a masonic community ten centuries old. As they explore its abandoned churches, it becomes clear to the children that there is much more to their story. Their grandmother may have been dangerous. Their parents may have been hidden from an enemy for good reason. And somehow—impossible though it seems—the twins may be the key to the survival of 13 worlds.

A spine-tingling fantasy illuminated with beautiful illustrations created by artists from all over the world. Gollup the Woods will delight adults, teens, and anyone who relishes an adventure.

**Full disclosure, this is a blatant attempt at self promotion, but Gollup the Woods is truly a great read and has no swear words or even the remotest hint at sexual tension.

In this truly original portrayal of a girl struggling to break free of society’s definitions, Printz Honor author A.S. King asks readers to question everything–and offers hope to those who will never stop seeking real love.

Astrid Jones desperately wants to confide in someone, but her mother’s pushiness and her father’s lack of interest tell her they’re the last people she can trust. Instead, Astrid spends hours lying on the backyard picnic table watching airplanes fly overhead. She doesn’t know the passengers inside, but they’re the only people who won’t judge her when she asks them her most personal questions…like what it means that she’s falling in love with a girl.

As her secret relationship becomes more intense and her friends demand answers, Astrid has nowhere left to turn. She can’t share the truth with anyone except the people she imagines flying over her at thirty thousand feet, and they don’t even know she’s there. But little does Astrid know just how much even the tiniest connection will affect these strangers’ lives–and her own–for the better.

A lyrical novel about family and friendship from critically acclaimed author Benjamin Alire Sáenz.Aristotle is an angry teen with a brother in prison. Dante is a know-it-all who has an unusual way of looking at the world. When the two meet at the swimming pool, they seem to have nothing in common. But as the loners start spending time together, they discover that they share a special friendship—the kind that changes lives and lasts a lifetime. And it is through this friendship that Ari and Dante will learn the most important truths about themselves and the kind of people they want to be.

In her New York Times bestselling and Morris Award-winning debut, Rachel Hartman introduces mathematical dragons in an alternative-medieval world to fantasy and science-fiction readers of all ages. Eragon-author Christopher Paolini calls them, “Some of the most interesting dragons I’ve read in fantasy.”Four decades of peace have done little to ease the mistrust between humans and dragons in the kingdom of Goredd. Folding themselves into human shape, dragons attend court as ambassadors, and lend their rational, mathematical minds to universities as scholars and teachers. As the treaty’s anniversary draws near, however, tensions are high.Seraphina Dombegh has reason to fear both sides. An unusually gifted musician, she joins the court just as a member of the royal family is murdered—in suspiciously draconian fashion. Seraphina is drawn into the investigation, partnering with the captain of the Queen’s Guard, the dangerously perceptive Prince Lucian Kiggs. While they begin to uncover hints of a sinister plot to destroy the peace, Seraphina struggles to protect her own secret, the secret behind her musical gift, one so terrible that its discovery could mean her very life.

In Beatrice Prior’s dystopian Chicago world, society is divided into five factions, each dedicated to the cultivation of a particular virtue—Candor (the honest), Abnegation (the selfless), Dauntless (the brave), Amity (the peaceful), and Erudite (the intelligent). On an appointed day of every year, all sixteen-year-olds must select the faction to which they will devote the rest of their lives. For Beatrice, the decision is between staying with her family and being who she really is—she can’t have both. So she makes a choice that surprises everyone, including herself.

During the highly competitive initiation that follows, Beatrice renames herself Tris and struggles alongside her fellow initiates to live out the choice they have made. Together they must undergo extreme physical tests of endurance and intense psychological simulations, some with devastating consequences. As initiation transforms them all, Tris must determine who her friends really are—and where, exactly, a romance with a sometimes fascinating, sometimes exasperating boy fits into the life she’s chosen. But Tris also has a secret, one she’s kept hidden from everyone because she’s been warned it can mean death. And as she discovers unrest and growing conflict that threaten to unravel her seemingly perfect society, she also learns that her secret might help her save those she loves . . . or it might destroy her.

Debut author Veronica Roth bursts onto the YA scene with the first book in the Divergent series—dystopian thrillers filled with electrifying decisions, heartbreaking betrayals, stunning consequences, and unexpected romance

The extraordinary #1 New York Times bestseller that will be in movie theaters on November 15, 2013, Markus Zusak’s unforgettable story is about the ability of books to feed the soul.

It is 1939. Nazi Germany. The country is holding its breath. Death has never been busier, and will become busier still.

Liesel Meminger is a foster girl living outside of Munich, who scratches out a meager existence for herself by stealing when she encounters something she can’t resist–books. With the help of her accordion-playing foster father, she learns to read and shares her stolen books with her neighbors during bombing raids as well as with the Jewish man hidden in her basement.

In superbly crafted writing that burns with intensity, award-winning author Markus Zusak, author of I Am the Messenger, has given us one of the most enduring stories of our time.

1. Sometimes we just don’t want to talk. Don’t take it personally.
2. We notice other women because we are men and we are alive. This does not mean we’re planning to dump you and jump them.
3. Our favorite T-shirts are not “disgraceful.” They show our loyalty to our college, our favorite sports team, our favorite beer, our favorite vacation or number 23.

4.

Helpless is not cute.

5.

Get to the point.

6.

Understand that men are single-minded and can only do one thing at a time. So don’t talk to us while we’re doing something. We will either ignore you, because we don’t hear you “honestly), or we’ll screw up what we’re doing because you’ve distracted us.
Exception to Rule 6. Interrupt us if something is on fire, if someone needs immediate medical attention, if Pamela Lee is on TV or if there is an emergency that needs a hero.

7.

You can’t complain that there are no good guys around while some of us are still single.

8.

If you ask us, “Do you think she’s prettier then me?” we just might say, “Yes.” Then what are you going to do?

9.

Don’t expect even a great relationship with us to solve all your problems. Just because we love you, doesn’t mean your cellulite, your credit card debt or your bad mood will disappear.

10.

We would not wear high heels to impress you.

11.

Breathe occasionally so we can get a word in.

12.

For us, driving is not just a means of going from point A to point B. It’s an opportunity to control a couple of tons of steel. We drive, therefore, we are.

13.

If you want us to notice something, help us out by saying something like, “I went to the beauty shop today.”

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away.. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Adam’s mother and tell her he is okay. He can’t write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn’t been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn’t hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up?

The wet wood didn’t burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes.
Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It wasn’t his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down; that’s probably why he can’t get insurance.

We think it’s a super bus. He doesn’t care if we get it dirty, and if it’s hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don’t worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren’t any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn’t let me because I can’t swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it’s concrete because we didn’t have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Ted isn’t crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn’t even get mad about the life jackets.. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a tourniquet works.

Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison.. I’m so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and buy some more beer and ammo.. Don’t worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it’s my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster’s tent.

Coca-Cola was originally green.
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It is impossible to lick
your elbow.
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The State with the
highest percentage of people who walk to work:
Alaska
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The percentage of
Africa that is wilderness: 28%
(now get this…)
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The percentage of
North America that is wilderness: 38%
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The cost of raising
a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:$ 16,400
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The average number
of people airborne over the U.S.

in any given hour:
61,000
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Intelligent people
have more zinc and copper in their hair..
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The first novel ever
written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.
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— ———— ——— ——— ——— ———
——— –
The San Francisco
Cable cars are the only mobile

National Monuments.
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Each king in a deck
of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades – King DavidHearts – CharlemagneClubs -Alexander, the GreatDiamonds – Julius Caesar
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111,111,111 x
111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321
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If a statue in the park of a person on a horse
has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air,
the person died because of wounds received in battle.
If the horsehas all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes
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—— — ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
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Only two people
signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4,

John Hancock and Charles Thomson.

Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn’t added until 5 years later.
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Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?A. Their birthplace
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Q. Most boat owners name their boats.

What is the most popular boat name requested?A.
Obsession
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——
Q.. If you were to spell out numbers,

mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened,
making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the
phrase…’Goodnight , sleep tight’
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It was the accepted
practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply

his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.

Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month,

which we know today as the honeymoon.
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—-
In English pubs, ale
is ordered by pints and quarts… So in old England , when
customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them ‘Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.’ . . .

It’s where we get
the phrase ‘mind your P’s and Q’s’————
——— ——— ———
—-
Many years ago in
England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked

into the rim, or handle, of their ceramiccups.

When they needed a refill , they used the whistle to get some service. ‘Wet your whistle’ is the phrase

inspired by this practice.
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At least 75% of
people who read this will try

to lick their elbow!
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YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING

IN 2012 when…

1. You accidentally
enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven’t
played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers

to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who

works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch

with friends and family is that they
don’t have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your

cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you

carry in thegroceries…

7. Every commercial on television

has a web site at the bot tom of the screen
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone,

which you didn’t even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and

you turn around to go and get it

10. You get up in the morning and go on line

before getting your coffee

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You’re reading this and

nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly

to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy
to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list .

~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

NOW your LAUGHING at yourself!

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused!” (Unknown Author)