How's your brand holding up? Badly? Moderately? Google-caliber? Psh, right. No matter how well you think you are, you'll need to come in for a check-up.

With the Brand-o-Meter, SF-based agency Morter 360 exploits a technique psychiatrists and Munchausen's-afflicted mothers have used for time immemorial. Whether you're a powerhouse or flophouse, no moment is riper for some Mortar expertise. And if you happen to be confused about why you need to see the good doctor, read this soothing explanation.

Clever work. But did we have to read a whole media kit just to get to the lead form? It was like trying to reach Oz. - Contributed by Angela Natividad

What's that you say? Another sex-laced image on Adrants? England-based health care provider NHS wants men to know that smoking damages the valve that close and traps blood in the penis so that an erection is possible. Shawn Waite points us to the organizations recent campaign and website that uses the image of a burning cigarette as an increasingly flaccid penis. Be sure to check out the organization's Soft Magazine.

When discussing the art of passing gas, humor is usually right around the corner. In this new spot from the American Legacy Foundation's long-running Don't Pass Gas campiagn, however, humor isn't in play. The passed gas that's being discussed here is hydrogen cyanide which is said to be found in second hand gas...uh...smoke. Perhaps Flatulina would have commentary on this.

We don't know whether to love or hate this new Fuel London-created campaign for Volvo's C30 but that's the whole point. You'll see what we mean after you view the first spot. Well? Love it? Hate it? Do tell. The second spot is just plain weird. Each spot points to a Euro RSCG 4D Amsterdam-created Freewill website filled with all sorts of interactive games, widgets and more commercials

- Perhaps in yet another effort to convince people to choose a certain drug, their are now pillows branded to look like pills.

- Cynopisis reports, "CBS has pulled 3 LBS. from the schedule after just three airings. The show debuted with a modest 2.9 A18-49 rating, and its most recent airing pulled an even more modester 2.4 demo rating. Filling the time period for the time being - reruns."

- After years of negotiations. Omnicom has scooped up Amsterdam-based independent shop 180.

- For those who can't seem to acquire enough friends on MySpace or Facebook, John Brock tells us now there's Fake Your Space, a sit on which you can pay $.99 per month for each "hot friend" of your choice who will send you two comments each week to make you feel special.

- The famed Anastasia Goodstein of Ypulse will host a roundtable discussion on "What Youth Brands Can Learn From The Action Sports World" at the Ypulse Teen Media Mashup on December 5, 2006 in San Diego.

- This has nothing to do with advertising or does it? A clandestine promotion (not that they need it) for Grey's Anatomy?

Durex just can't help itself. First, it brings us pithy penis peculiarities with The Pants Whisperer, complete with hot doctor and dickorations. Now it's pitching a tent on hump day claiming it Durex Hump Day to celebrate the many pleasures associated with condoms and what they're used for. The Hump Dat site says it all, "Canadians are horny. And the weekend's too long to wait. We've got needs! So together we'll take a boring day in the middle of the week and make it sing with the sounds of beds creaking and moans of delight." Indeed.

This witty wit brought to you by MacLaren McCann and MacLaren McCann Direct and Interactive.

Whoever they are, Microsoft is groping desperately for their attention in this virally-intended video for Office 2007. It does a good job of demonstrating '07's various functions for the "technical types" of the world but doesn't change the fact that they're still the stodgy awkward behemoths just left of savvy. - Contributed by Angela Natividad

In the "so horrifically bad it just might actually be good but not really" category is a recent campaign from Rolling Rock that consists of online, billboards and TV spots which urge people who hated a recent "beer ape" commercial - which never actually ran except for placement on YouTube - to email Rolling Rock's VP of marketing to complain. We saw the billboards but hadn't yet seen the video on YouTube which Adverlicious tipped us to. While the commercial itself is over-the-top stupid, 1,024,265 have viewed it and 791 people have commented on it. Like it or not, that's fairly decent play for any YouTube placement. The question, as always, is, will this foolery actually sell any beer?