Feeling a draft

The NFL Draft is
astonishingly popular during this age of instant gratification. Fans have to
wait several months for the rookies to wear pads and actually play football. It
goes against what is largely appealing about sport: That a game reaches an
outcome within a few hours and doesn't drag on like the search for Osama Bin
Laden.

The NFL Draft, however, drags on for
two days and takes about 16 total hours. The actual outcome --- the point when
newcomers make an impact --- usually takes at least a year.

Yet, NFL fans love it. They don't
even care that they'll mostly swear at those players during the 3.5 seasons the
NFL Players Association says their careers will average.

Really, this weekend's annualdraft
is the power source of fan frustration. The biggest certainty is that most
players drafted won't amount to much, such as Erik Flowers.

Buffalo selected the Arizona State defensive end 26th overall four years ago. He stunk.

I really liked Flowers as a person,
though. He was pleasant and caring. One time he asked me whether I heard if
Aaron Schobel's wife had the couple's first baby. That was the first thing out
of his mouth. I thought that was nice, but a Bills fan might have thought he should
spend more time caring about sacks than Schobel's wife's baby.

I remember Nate Clements telling me
that Flowers excelled at the John Madden NFL video game. I'd occasionally call
Antoine Winfield's home, and he and Flowers would be playing Madden. One day I
asked Winfield about how the game turned out and he said he beat Flowers
something like 12 straight times.

Flowers lasted two seasons in
Buffalo. Perhaps the emotional distress of relinquishing the Bills' Madden
title was too much to take.

Personally, I don't think Flowers
wanted to work any harder than he did in college in order to succeedat pro football. Without the desire, he
never played physically enough. He was quick, but if a tackle engaged him, he'd
be neutralized the way Pepto-Bismol neutralizes indigestion. Naturally, Flowers
rejected my suggestion that he avoided contact, but he almost never challenged
a tackle one-on-one.

After no-name defensive-end Kendrick
Office took over for him midway through 2001, I asked Flowers what the problem
was. He said he was too light, weighing less than 250 pounds. That was the year
Gregg Williams arrived and told Flowers to lose weight for more effectiveness.
Flowers went from the 270s to the 250s, nearly dissolving like an Alka-Seltzer.

He told the story of how offensive
lineman Jerry Ostroski picked him up and set him down like a pillow during
practice. Flowers was embarrassed, which led to desperation. He told me his
weight plan --- and I'm not kidding --- was to eat at McDonald's, and when he
was full, take a few more bites.

Well, it works for America.

Flowers, perhaps unwittingly, pulled a bait-and-switch. I think he went to the 2000 NFL
Combine, looked impressive, and pretended to be enthusiastic about a football
career --- thinking it didn't take any more work than his usual effort. Then
the Bills made him a first-round pick and gave him a $2.7-million signing
bonus. Once Flowers discovered he really had to work to reach his level of
collegiate dominance, he didn't want much part of that.

Today he's on St. Louis' roster and
mostly plays special teams. He's in his fifth NFL season, and he's made a
fortune by being below average.

The question is: How can the Bills
avoid the Flowers mistake with their 13th overall pick on Saturday?

Using analytical skills gleaned from
TV's criminal profile shows, I'll list the exact characteristics Bills General
Manager Tom Donahoe needs to find in that player. Incidentally, this is based
on Buffalo's top picks from the last three years. The profile is constructed from
the assessments of the players' college coaches, because the draft is based on
college information.

Cornerback Nate Clements,
21st-overall pick, 2001: His Ohio State position coach told me he was a shy kid
with a swagger. He wasn't an introvert, but he wasn't very talkative.

Right tackle Mike Williams,
fourth-overall pick, 2002: His Texas position coach told me he was a dancing
bear and a great Christian.

Running back Willis McGahee,
23rd-overall pick, 2003: He hasn't played, but his Miami position coach told me
that he wants to be first at everything he does. Uh-oh. I had heard something
similar about Flowers. A Bills scout described how competition consumed Flowers
so much, that he would do anything to excel. One story was that Flowers
continued playing an NBA video game against a high-school friend who had beaten
him 42 consecutive times. On the 43rd try, Flowers won.

Generally, Clements has been very
good, Williams has been disappointing, and McGahee is a mystery. However,
because of similar character descriptions between Flowers and McGahee, I will
apply what I know about Flowers to McGahee.

Here's the profile: Donahoe needs to
find a quiet yet confident kid who doesn't dance like a bear but worships Satan
and is not competitive to the point of stupidity.

There. How's that for instant
gratification? If the Bills find that player, you're not going to have to wait
one to three years wondering how it will all turn out.