So the world almost ended and you’ve found yourself in a landscape with no semblance of law or civilization and mutants, desperate criminals and the ruins of cities all around you. It’s a shitty world, yo. Better make the most of it by picking these careers which are likely to be favorites in our new world!

Peddler

Travel the wasteland with a cart full of shit you’ve salvaged from the ruins of that which came before. A teapot, jerky made from irradiated rats, toothpicks and more. You’re the coolest guy in town when you arrive because you have all the stuff no one has seen in a lifetime. Just watch out for raiders and mutant cattle that may try to rob you or eat your sweet, nourishing bone marrow. You’ll probably need to be adept with a homemade revolver or plasma rifle to protect your goods, though.

Raider

Work is hard, stealing and dressing like a football player from the bad part of Detroit is easy. Find a group of likeminded criminals, put some nails in a baseball bat and gas up the dune buggy, it’s time to leave morality in the past. Upsides of life include a lot of camping outside, a fairly loose and malleable wardrobe and getting to hang out with people like The Great Humungous, Super Mutants, The Duke of New York or Mance Rayder.

Wandering Hero

You’re mysterious and you have a dog and a really cool car, so that’s not bad. Downside is you come with a moral compass so while you’re quick to pull the trigger and blow some asshole away, you only do it to someone who deserves it. That also means people want to take advantage of you or just murder you. But probably make you do a lot of jobs first while other people try to murder you and then if you survive, double cross you and murder you. Lots of murder coming your way is the point. But if you live, probably everyone who didn’t try to murder you will love you. Plus you have a dog.

Evil Mastermind

So since the world started over, why not make it yours to rule? That’s ambitious. You could try to set up a democracy again but that obviously failed once, plus with all these raiders and assholes around, and really limited communications to organize people, why bother? Better to hatch a plan to take over what’s left of the world through force and fear. Control an army of mutants, or giant scorpions, or the means to produce power and you’ll be the bigwig in no time. Plus maybe you can plot to genetically create a better race of people and live in paradise. The sky’s the limit when you’re insane!

Lawman

You’ve got a nice little shanty town mostly made from corrugated aluminum, hollowed out buses and piled up detritus. But dammit if those dirty ghouls don’t keep showing up and eating townspeople. There oughtta be a law! Well now there is and it’s you. You didn’t want the job but you’ll take it because people respect you and it needs to be done. Worst part is there’s no chance someone isn’t going to murder you. Oh well.

Sexpot

Sadly, all the aforementioned jobs with the rare exception of the Evil Lady Mastermind are reserved for men. What’s a girl to do in the post-apocalypse? Be hot. It’s sad but it’s all you really have right now. Will there be a female hero in the future? It’s possible but man, feminism is going to take a hit when the bombs drop. Please don’t take it personally.