A Royal Performance by a mixture of Variety and Illusionist acts to mark Prince Phillip's Lifetime Award for not doing very much was topped by a spectacular hypnotic trick by Derrek Brown.

Prince Phillip was convinced by Brown that his hands were glued together behind his back. The Duke disappeared to the lavatory at one point followed by the Royal Arse Wiper who had to help him take a leak. Afterwards the Royal Family were stage hypnotised into thinking they were topless Go Go dancers and then a herd of cows desperate for milking.

The talented Brown then re-hypnotised the hapless Duke into thinking he was a flasher on Hampstead Heath. Everyone saw the funny side of things later and the Royal family opened up the Buckingham Palace wine cellars and distributed the entire wine collection among the down and outs in Soho.

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