Archive for the ‘soul, truth’ Category

I forgot my pen today. Good for the casual reader of my errors and faults, bad for my new way of writing. Actually it’s an archaic way of writing. Pen to paper.
Here is this blogger world, my thumbs get jumbled and they fumble all over this tiny space. I am not sure if a larger device will help this process. I will, though, test this theory in May when I upgrade my device. I always wanted a larger device. I imagine it would be more pleasurable for all.

Regardless of the size of my device, I have taken to pen and paper for my ‘great’ story. I tend to stare more at this device as if an idea can be binged. Poor Microsoft. Bingged? Just Bing? If nothing else Google is as synonymous to searching as Band Aids are to boo boos.

And I tend to listen others dilemmas and disasters. This seemingly fine young boy came out of the unicorn princes office and I find him a runner. He likes to run away. Not far. Down the street or behind a tree or under a car. Not that unsafe, but pretentiously dangerous I some respects I would gather.

This is my first time to Mr Johns on a Monday. Jack and I changed days so as to get an earlier time slot. Although, it is only a half hour earlier, I am sure I can find some use of it. At the moment, I can think of nothing. I really wasn’t even sure if I wanted to change. Change is not always good and it really disrupts my need for no change in my life.
There is a lot of change going on my life at the moment. Alas, to bore you is to bore me. But my gym membership expires in two weeks and I haven’t the money to renew.
First world problems. I need more of them.

See, I lost myself and to ha k read what I have written involves me possibly hitting the wrong thing and editing unexpectedly.

This book will happen and I think it will be good. I need it. You may not. You may just want a cookie. That’s sound good to me too.

I don’t think I have any followers and that’s okay. I realize that my poor editing abilities are not only lacking, but entirely non existent. My spelling isn’t atrocious, although auto-spell sometimes just doesn’t know me at all.
Being that a very good portion of these entries are written by lieu of thumb, not too mention a very small screen. How a writer can live with an iPhone 4 I will never know. I need the big screen of the i5.
What I really need is to go back to pen and paper. That’ll teach me a thing or two. Maybe it is writing on this tiny window that makes my eyes oh so sleepy. Hmm I am onto something.

When I leave Mr John’s office and the unicorn princess’ looney tunes television show, I should go home and edit. Corrections would so easy. I haven’t even been to my WordPress site in months. Life surrounds me.

Ok, the unicorn princess is watching a show. I can not see this show. I can only hear the voices and the sound effects. One thing I. Life that I am good at is recognizing specific sounds or voices and recollecting where I first hear them. I know. I know. Why haven’t I cashed in on this amazing talent? I ask myself that almost every day.
Point is is that she has watched this episode before. It wasn’t too long ago either. I specifically remember it annoying me then too. Some sort of western themed action bonanza. Lots of gun play. Not lots of dialogue. It sounds old. It also sounds like a canned script.
It’s way too distracting. How can a man write about wanting to write with all these distractions? It’s a good thing I want to be. A professional.

I need to edit. Grasp what I have by the ears and shake it straight. Get a solid paragraph. A fantastic sentence. A wordy chapter.
Something. And then the eyes become slits

The book is not going well. Actually ‘it’ is fine. The writer is very slack. All these great thought mulling now drowning never to be seen.
Fresh ideas will come and the outline is actually there. I just have to hop to it. The holidays have given me another excuse.
Running has given me an even better excuse. Alas I pulled an unknown muscle trying to prove things to myself. I ran the annual Turkey Trot here in town. The cold morning blanketed with an even colder wind made for a delightful morning for one thousand or so runners, spectators and their dogs.
This was my first race since the last race but only my first trot of the turkey.
I was excited but not as prepared as the last one. I did not miss one training day on my schedule for the 10k. Ah, this was but a mere 5k. Missing a day or so would effect this top notch guy. Besides I was very busy at work and being I won’t cut out my children time, I had to sacrifice some sweat.
What I didn’t think would happen did. There were thirty five mid lifers raring to go. All blaring frost from their nostrils like brazen bulls to red. The compression socks made me weak to my stomach.
These guys were serious.
Three, two, one and pa-chow! They were off. I was off. I was trying to fiddle with my iPod and I lost a good start.
I started booking. I knew I was running faster than I ever had. Pushing myself to a limit I wasn’t really confident with yet. This pace couldn’t hold out too long. Maybe it could but something in me was disagreeing big time.
My breathing was a little off. The cold cold air always has something to do with that. I tried to steady it while younglings passed me from new directions. Mid lifers were passing me. Danged if I could figure this out. Everything I have read told me to pace myself. Pace, I did.

I only ended up passing a few people but never caught up to the beginning of the pack.

I should be writing my book, but the unicorn princess is feeling lively. From high atop her perch comes the swinging strong sounds of what I am not sure. This genre is rock. It sure is not offensive by any stretch. It could be classified as teen Disney. Maybe?
I thought it may be Christian rock, but I hear no thous. It may very well be, I been wrong one time before.
What I do know is that it is not good writing music. Things with beats and hooks and frenzied guitar solos have no place in this writers world. Don’t get me wrong, I adore a good old fashioned head banging. Now though, whilst I pen my finest, I prefer jazz or classical or even nature sounds. The mind should be not distracted but enveloped within one’s surroundings.
The book I should be working on is not lost. That is a good thing. I have more done than when I first started. That is for sure. I have nothing but excuses right not. Most of it is my surroundings. Kids, pets, wives and possibly one bigger: the television. That thing truly is the devil. And she loves it.
And it is always on. And it makes you duller. And it lures.

I have quit do many things. It just makes me want to go back.

I really have to remember my headphones when I come here. I can tune out the unicorn princess’ strange rock and roll. She even knows the words. The unicorn princess has sung! I guess this is a cd. May e I could have figured that out if I paid more attention. She truly haunts me. She will be a major player I my book. That book that sits in space.

I have fully committed to becoming a normal political citizen. I have deleted every ‘extremist’ group from Facebook, twitter and Google+. Mind you, I read posts and blogs and horrors from both sides of the fence, so, I truly believed I was we’ll informed on issues. Hence, that wasn’t enough for this experiment in my new social atmosphere.
Funny thing, my posts became a lot more dull. I almost posted a cute picture of a kitten that said, ‘Do the dumb things I gotta do’. I held back and unliked another site that told me to heed the failures of this administration.
Hey buddy, I no longer heed. I tune out and only listen to the top of the hour headlines like normal people.
I haven’t really been a television watcher. I have some shows that I enjoy and once in awhile I will watch the news. I’ll say that so e news shows have shown to be angrier than others. This always and still baffles me. Just report the facts and report what is important. I guess we all have our own agendas.

I could name names and possibly might one day. That’ll sure show them! I am familiar with most hosts on television bit as I stated before, I don’t watch much. Most of my information comes from the Goreian invention, the information superhighway. Admittedly, I spend quite a bunch of time online. A lot of wasted time, too.
I am trying to create other habits. I am actually succeeding in most areas I put my attentions too.

I also listen plenty. I am or was a talk show junkie on the radio. If someone was talking, I was a listening. My decision on this matter is to leave NPR on the dial at all times. That is where I will get my audible news and information from. Some spiffy classical tunes too.
When they are having the show tunes hour, I always have an audio book holstered. I am ready to face the next year like a normal citizen.

One note because this transition is very difficult for me. I did discuss politics today with someone and my blood began to coincide with global warming. Then while listening to NPR news, I bit my lip while they focus incredulously on something that is clearly a cover up story. I mean really, all of a sudden all these damning facts come out against a general when….

Breath and enjoy being a normal citizen. Life is so much more enjoyable.

Election Day my heart was broken. Everything I believed was crumpled and stamped upon. My values and morals were laughed at. Fingers were pointing at me. All the studying I had done. All the weighing of right and wrong or good and evil.
Everything crashed and burned.

I decided the morning after that I had to step back and look at the world a little differently. It could very well be that I am wrong. At this moment as I wrote this I seriously doubt that I am wrong. Maybe that is my problem. Maybe what we grew up believing was right all along.

Ah what are the rights and what are the wrongs? I guess it’s all in what you read or watch. Personally I felt it necessary to read and watch many different points of view. From
Radio talk shows to web sites to news outlets. I partook in all of it. I felt the truth was masqueraded on all levels. I felt that I had a decent grasp at revealing the truth. The truth always finds a way.
Maybe, just maybe I have been looking at the world the wrong way.
Maybe.

Starting today and along with all the other things I need to accomplish, I will begin anew. I hereby shall cut myself off from politics. I will listen to music on the radio or podcasts. Just not political ones. Actually I don’t listen to political podcasts. Just some to learn new things.
I will
Only watch a few select tv shows. Ah, which ones you might ask. Superheroes and zombies and gunslingers. That should be food.
The Internet will be the hard one. I follow all the news sources. Hmmm maybe just general sites. BBC and the like. I will delete all political sites and followers.
I fight with myself because one never feels that it is them that is doing the wrong. To prove to no one but
myself, I shall make it so.

From this day forward I shall only talk about the weather!
In one years time, I shall revisit this page and reflect. Although I will be doing a lot more writing, so stay tuned.

Will I be a different man? I have transformed myself so much in the past few years. I thought I had found the truth.