this must be the place

Whenever I do strong hallucinogenic drugs and use social networking (usually on accident because the point of ingesting strong poisons to expand consciousness is to detox from the artificial world) it feels like Facebook is a real place. Like a cafeteria or a high school hallway, and everyone is saying whatever they want to have to say so everyone else thinks they’re cool. Still high, there’s the pressure to update with something but my head is rocketing in 500 different directions and nothing feels cool and I begin to get anxious and I really hate this place and for the next couple days I can’t help but feel like everything online is closing in on me and I realize it’s more like a prison than a school (not a big difference) and everyone is just shouting from their respective cells trying to be heard but then the feeling fades and I go back to normal.

Sometimes, even sativa dominant strains will make me feel this way. Constantly editing myself via text, shares and likes, constantly seeking approval or fearing the lack of it, but on the reverse it’s watching some desperation or fear playing itself out. It’s entertaining and not as dark as I might imagine. But it still feels hollow.

It’s so easy for me to tailor my reality today. I only have to read what I want to read and watch what I want to watch and I can always step away or block or unsubscribe from anything I see that would challenge my tiny carved out niche in the world. My house takes up .002% of the planet. I measured. Or someone told me. I forget. There is so little area I inhabit. And I can make it entirely mine and when I don’t leave, that makes it seem like my world is the whole world and there is nothing else out there.

But after leaving the house for an extended period of time, there is always the urge to retreat back to my womb, where it is safe, where I can dream easy, where lies have no consequence.