Saturday, September 20, 2008

I Am No Little Angel, Nor Have I Wings to Fly

*

So, these emotions.

They tell me I am ruined. They tell me my child is ruined. They tell me the world is ruined.

Ruination.

***

Nor is there goodness. Nor succor.

***

Present moment awareness. They say it's key. Also, breathing. Also, not killing everyone. Or at least those you want most to kill. I am bitter as a blue ruin. There are snakes everywhere and poor rations. When the ones for whom you strive disdain you it is a cold weather. When your best efforts are for naught and worse, and worse.

*

This past week I have done things I had no business doing. I got away with them but still. There is when provoked in me a great and terrible thing. I would say that these things were required, necessary.

There is within me a force that should not be set loose upon the world.

For all my gentle lovingkindness, there is a beast that hungers and is blind with fury.

*

We already have the answer we seek.

*

Some dark things you look into, and recoil from. Some you embrace. Some you hunger for. Some you repudiate.

But you will feast upon the darkness as the light.

*

With one hand you bail out the craft and with the other you chop at the hull with your axe.