My girlfriend and I read your blog, and I thought I would ask you what you think about our situation. I did not tell her I was going to write to you, and maybe she will see this if you respond. I am thinking (hoping) we can reopen this conversation in a way that is non-threatening to both of us.

We've been together for a little over two years now. Last year, she cheated on me. In her defense, I was very distracted by other things that were going on in my life. I have since forgiven her and have changed my lifestyle to cater to our relationship. However, we have found that situations come up where it seems we don't fully trust each other.

If you were one of us, what would you do?

Looking to Trust

Dear Looking to Trust,

I kind of had to smirk when I read your message. I might not be the best one to answer this question, as I'm a little biased being in your situation before -- after all, one of my favorite movies is Closer!

But... what I can offer you are some conclusions I've come to out of self-reflection and hindsight. Hindsight... what a b*tch.

1) Being with someone who you do not trust is a complete waste of your time. You have to decide if you trust them or not. Ernest Hemingway once said something like, "The best way to find out if you can trust someone is to trust them." If you believe that your girlfriend messed up this once and will never do it again, then trust her. But DO NOT be disillusioned. If you can't trust her anymore, then don't lie to yourself. You need to leave her. And same goes for her to you. Make sense? I've made both mistakes in the past -- lying to myself and tricking myself into trusting someone when I really didn't (heartbreaking on both sides) and then not trusting someone when I should have just said f*ck it and trusted them (again, heartbreaking on both sides). So trust your gut and go with it.

2) If you want to make it work, you will. Again, same goes for her. Everyone has issues and every relationship has obstacles. No one is perfect. But if you truly believe you can have a future together, then you can work through the problems to get to the other side. But both people have to be willing to make that effort... not just one person. That's really important. So you both have to ask yourselves - how committed are you, not only to each other, but your relationship?

Hope this helps to start the discussion... keep me posted!xo,Natalise

p.s. Listen to Ed Sheeran's "Lego House" -- in the best relationships, sometimes we go through really hard obstacles, but we work through them. And if we can get to the other side safely, we find that these experiences, though perhaps harsh, have made us stronger. So maybe, you will both "love [each other] better now." :)

I have been cheated in the past so I understand very well on your feeling on that trust on her. It is nature for anyone who has been cheated by their other half to feel a sense of distrust.

As Natalise had said, to make the relationship works, it takes two people to make things work. Meaning you have to give her another chance by trusting her, and, she on the other hand should do everything to earn that trust back.

"However, we have found that situations come up where it seems we don't fully trust each other. "
Before I could continue, I would like to say this is just my personal opinion and my opinion cannot be used for everyone's case. To me if someone who had cheated, they have no rights at all the lose their trust in their partner (who is the victim of their cheating)...it is very very wrong for them to question that trust since they are the one who had cheated not their other half. One of my former GFs who had cheated on me, accused me of cheating of which she knew the truth that I did not cheat but she was the one who is cheating at the time.

Some will say she used that false accusation to give herself the reason to cheating, others will say she used that false accusation to "psychologically" make herself less guilty of cheating...whatever the reasons are, she had actually, deliberately, created the false sense of losing trust in me. By doing so, she had crossed that line that shouldn't be crossed!

My point is, losing the trust in a relationship comes in many forms. There is the genuine losing of trust and there is this "falsely created" losing sense of trust (as in my experience that i mentioned). For the genuine one, there is room to make things right in the relationship but for the "falsely" create sense of losing the trust, I know it is harsh but there is no point of having that relationship.

If anyone happens to call your losing trust in her as been insecure, it has nothing to do with insecure, in reality, you're been alert and cautious, there is nothing wrong to act that way. Do not ever let yourself been called an insecure person get to you causing you making irrational decisions that you will regret. Yeah, I got that from people and at the end of the day I stick to what I believe in and I always ended been right every single time!

I hope your relationship goes well for both of you.

Natalise, sometimes I never get to understand why those boyfriend(s) in your past cheated on you. I don't understand guys like them do such a stupid thing. If I have a girlfriend like you who is very beautiful, very talented, very intelligent and wise (i like women who are intelligent and wise, even if they are much more intelligent than me, I do not feel insecure at all, yeah most guys get threatened by intelligent women)...I won't even be that stupid to cheat, then I am not a good looking guy, so most probably ugly guys like us values every women that come into our life....hahahahaha