From: "A.K."
Sent: Tue, August 7, 2007 3:02 am
Subject: A thousand loves, One Love 10/11 (Beginnings)
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A THOUSAND LOVES, ONE LOVE
by Andrej Koymasky (C) 2007
written on October 25, 1993
translated by the author
English text kindly revised by John
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USUAL DISCLAIMER
"A THOUSAND LOVES, ONE LOVE" is a gay story, with some parts containing
graphic scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion,
family, opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be better
not to read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't
care, or because you think you really want to read it, please be my
welcomed guest.
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CHAPTER 10 - An impossible love
"I am now turning you on your side for a while, so that your skin will
not be damaged. But, I'm asking myself, if you remain like this all the
time, not moving, gradually your muscles will become wasted away...
Isn't there a means to avoid that? I don't think the massage would be
enough for the purpose. Possibly making your limbs flex... Bah, I'm not
a doctor, Possibly I'm saying just bullshit. But next time the doctor
comes, I can talk about that with him can't I? In about an hour I will
wash you, then I will put you the usual lotion. But... don't you know
that for me it is almost a torture having to spread the lotion on all
your body, to massage you? Yes, because having to touch you so, arouses
me a lot, really very much, and I feel like doing something else to you.
What else? To kiss you, to caress you in a certain way... I feel temped
to make love with you, in short. Because your body is so sexy...
"I really can't understand Giuliano. If I were in his place, if I were
your lover, in other words, if I knew you loved me, I would strip naked
and lie near you, and make love to you, without problems, because I
would know that you would be happy. But to you I am a stranger, I'm
nothing to you... and so I have to be careful not to let myself go, not
to surrender to my desire... But it is becoming more and more difficult,
you know?"
Matteo smiled at the motionless body of Scott and, without a thought,
caressed his arm.
"Why don't you wake up, Scott? If I just knew what to do to have you
back amongst us... Yes, I know, I would lose you, I would lose Giuliano,
because he loves you in reality, and you love him. I know very well that
Giuliano makes love with me dreaming of you. He doesn't love me any
more. I can't lay the blame on him. I wasn't able to tell him yes at the
right moment. And then, he now has you. And you have to be an
exceptional boy, besides being so beautiful. Oh my god, I'm not saying
that I'm ugly. I know I am rather handsome. But you... I don't know but
I feel you have a special beauty. Giuliano told me how you met and also
that you didn't make love at once, because you wanted first to really
get to know him.
"Usually, between two men, sex comes first and only afterwards love too.
You, on the contrary, were different. You wanted to first see if there
could be love and only after that you agreed to unite with him. It's
really right and beautiful doing so, I think."
Matteo caressed the boy's face in an affectionate, light gesture.
"Now I'm going to the kitchen for a moment to make myself a coffee. It
is not good like the coffee we make in Italy, but I've got used it. I'll
be back soon, okay? Then I will wash you and spread the lotion... see
you, Scott..." Matteo said.
He stood up, covered his body with the sheet and went to the kitchen. He
prepared his coffee. Then he prepared all the necessaries to wash Scott.
That evening, when the nurse arrived, he would ask him to help to change
Scott's bed linen. Who knows why Giuliano never wanted to do that?
Before, there were two of the nurses to do it, at their shift change
time. It almost seemed as if Giuliano didn't even just touch Scott's
body. Matteo thought of it - yes, really he never saw him touch it,
taking his hand, giving him a caress... never.
He went back to Scott's room. Under his body he spread a length of
cotton fabric then, delicately wiped all over his body with the soft
natural sponge soaked in detergent lotion. He rinsed and dried him. Then
he took the lotion to strengthen the skin, warmed it with his hands and
started to slowly and carefully massage all over his body and mainly on
the spots that were more in contact with the sheets, so that his skin
wouldn't break, so that he wouldn't get pressure ulcers.
"You know, Scott, I now know your body almost even if I closed my eyes.
It is very agreeable massaging you so. Or rather, it's arousing. Your
chest so wide and firm... your flat and well drawn belly... your sound
and shapely thighs... And now your legs... the feet... Good. Let's take
care of your arms, now. I think I would like feeling them around my
body, do you know? They are strong, I can feel it... and your hands, the
tapered fingers... Well, I'll now turn you on your belly... so...
gently... Your wide back... your slender waist... Now I'll spread the
lotion on you perfect, sweet, little ass too... My god, how much I do
desire you, Scott! And your thighs again...
"Good, I've finished. Now I can pull away the cotton stretch from under
you and put you straight again ... so... yes... good! I would like to
massage your beautiful soft dick as well... but there you don't need the
lotion... or at least the nurse never put it there. I would really like
to massage it with my lips... Well, it is better I now cover you or else
I'm afraid I would not be able to restrain from really doing it... My
god, Scott... I'm afraid I'm really falling in love with you..."
Matteo tidied everything, then went to sit near the bed.
"Well, now, let's see what today's newspaper says ... Oh, here seems to
be an interesting article. It is about the Maori problem and about the
risk of their culture disappearing. I'll read it, listen..." Matteo
said, and read the article aloud with a clear voice.
At the end he put the newspaper down.
"Perhaps you are not very much interested in Maoris, who knows? You
would possibly like better I read you something about sports... You
practiced tennis, riding and sailing, right? Of course, with such a
beautiful sea... I would like swimming in it with you. Playing in the
water like two dolphins, you and I... Did you play in the water with
Giuliano? He never told me about that... Who knows why I have to fall in
love with people I shouldn't? With Giuliano who now doesn't want me any
more, with you who can't want me. I before never fell in love though
perhaps I was too young, I was probably thinking too much just about
myself... Who knows if one day I can fall in love with the right
person?"
Matteo lightly caressed Scott's hand that lay lifeless on the sheet.
The days were passing, Matteo continued to watch Scott and to make love
with Giuliano. At timed Giuliano wanted to spend a full week-end with
Matteo, he then called the other nurses so as to be free. But as soon as
Matteo was again alone with Scott...
"This week-end Giuliano took me to Lake Taupo. It's really beautiful,
there, you know... but you weren't there. I thought of you all the time.
I regretted leaving you alone... just with those nurses. I feel so good,
here with you... Giuliano is astounded I don't get fed up staying here
with you. But it really doesn't make me bored, on the contrary I like
it. Ah, it's now time to fit a new fluid feed bottle. You have to feed.
Here, that's done. I think the doctor will have to move the needle onto
your other arm, now. My poor Scott, with all these holes... But I hope
you are not suffering, at least. I would say you aren't, your face is so
serene. I would like seeing the colour of your eyes. From your photos
they seem to be of a gold colour... clear and luminous. But I would like
seeing them, to look at myself in them. How many things I would like!
Kissing you, for instance. You have very beautiful lips, inviting. Even
too much so..." Matteo said with a deep sigh.
The doorbell rang. He went to open it and it was the doctor. He attended
Scott, as usual, added something to his case file, exchanged two words
with Matteo and left.
Matteo went again at Scott's side, "He says that you are physically all
right... Oh, Scott! When will you wake up?" he asked, shaking his head.
And, on instinct, he leaned over his face and lightly kissed his lips.
He caressed him, lingering on his chest with light hands, went down to
caress his belly moving away the sheet and, thoughtlessly, caressed his
soft member too. "My god how beautiful you are! How I do so desire you,
Scott! Forgive me..." he murmured unwillingly parting from his loved
body. "I should not have done it, right? But it's becoming more and more
difficult, do you know? I'm feeling all upset, now. But I love you,
Scott. I love your so beautiful body and all that your body hides. I
love your soul, even though I barely know it, just from what Giuliano
told me about you. I would like kissing you all... all over!"
Matteo sighed. He was physically aroused and he was almost scared by his
excitement.
"I get a hard-on, Scott, just by looking over you. But I have no right
to do it. I haven't... I shouldn't... and yet I'm feeling weaker and
weaker. I don't know how long I'll be able to resist your fascination.
It's a folly, I know... This love and desire I'm feeling for you is a
folly. I want to embrace you, to keep you tight against me, to cuddle
you... to make love with you. I desire feeling you inside me... or to
sink inside you. To give you my life, uniting with you... Am I not
insane? Yes, I'm mad for you, Scott. My god, I'm way too troubled. It's
better if I go in the other room for a while now... before I really
start making love with you. Forgive me, Scott..."
Matteo left the room. He helped himself to a drink. Took a book and sat
down to read it, But his mind was in the other room, near Scott, with
Scott. He desired him, yes, he ardently desired him, He was not able to
keep him out of his mind. He put the book away. He went to Scott's room.
He drew near the bed. Pulled off the spotless sheet from the boy's body.
Remained for a long while to admire it, fighting against his desire,
trembling. He stretched out a hand to touch that desired body, but he
stopped before reaching it and slowly withdrew his hand, trembling
again.
"I love you Scott! I love you and desire you. I can't resist, Scott, I
can't resist any more... I have to touch you, to kiss you. I know I
should not, but..."
Matteo bent on the beautiful naked body and lightly pressed his lips on
Scott's chest. He kissed it, becoming intoxicated with the fresh scent
of his skin. He moved to kiss a nipple, then down, down along his chest,
to his belly. He felt as if he was drunk, his head was spinning, but he
was feeling happy. His lips brushed the boy's pubic hairs and again
absorbed his clean, male scent. And finally his lips alighted on the
soft member. He lightly moved his lips up and down on the pole, softly
abandoned between his legs. He passed his tongue over it and in a light
caress his hands brushed the chest, the belly, the legs of the inert,
insensitive boy.
His lips parted and enclosed the tip of that soft and pliable member,
and made it slip in his mouth - he felt it sweet, mellow, tender,
smooth, delicate. He sucked it, pressing it with his tongue against his
palate then, slowly, let it go. He exhaled a long sigh and slowly stood
up again, feeling his head spin.
"I'm feeling drunk, Scott, my love! I did it! It has been so sweet, so
agreeable, so refined... delightful... I don't know if I did wrong,
really... I hope not. I made a great effort not to yield, not to do it,
but I've not been able to, do you see? Should I regret it, possibly
repent it, feel remorse? On the contrary, I feel so happy! If you knew
what I've done, you could possibly hate me... You could think I am
perverted, corrupt... depraved... but I really love you. My body wants
yours... I love you, Scott, I love you with all of myself. I'm subdued
by you, I'm no more able to restrain myself... If you just could feel my
heart, what a terrible racket it's making... I'm feeling dazed... but I
love you!"
Matteo sat almost motionless all of a sudden and contemplated the body
that just a moment before he had dared to savour. He was feeling at once
like crying and rejoicing.
"I'm feeling like a thief, as I dared to kiss you in that way, Scott. I
will never tell you how much I'm in love with you." He dejectedly
murmured. "I have to never again do such a thing, right? I should not,
really... I know... It would be logical, reasonable..." he said, but
inside himself he was feeling that in reality he wanted to do it again,
he wanted to start again...
He was able to resist for some days, restricting himself to just a
fleeting caress, to a light kiss on his lips or his chest, then
withdrawing at once.
Giuliano noticed that Matteo was behaving oddly and asked him what was
up, what was happening to him. Matteo said that there was absolutely
nothing different. But inside him was going on, unstoppable, the
struggle. Half of him wanted to resist that desire dictated by his love,
and the other half wanted to yield, to surrender, and this conflict was
wearing him out, was exhausting him.
One afternoon, he washed him as usual, carefully passing the small
sponge all over his body, he rinsed him with the other small sponge,
dried his body padding it with a soft towel and, instead of taking the
lotion, he started to caress him, feeling his mind in a turmoil. And he
started again to kiss him, to suckle his nipples, to pass the tongue on
his beautiful body, on his silky skin, feeling his head in confusion,
his body on fire.
When at last he went down on Scott's groin, he licked his resting member
for a long time. Then caressed it, and finally took it in his mouth,
kneading it with his tongue, sucking it, pressing it between his lips
while his hands were gently brushing his nipples.
He didn't become aware at once that the nipples had become turgid,
because all his attention was focused on Scott's member. He continued,
going on much longer than the first time. He was making that sweet, soft
member slip between his lips, up and down, light but tireless. And when
finally Scott's member started to gradually gain consistency, to become
turgid, Matteo confusedly became aware of that miracle.
He didn't realize at once that for the first time in months, Scott's
body was reacting to an external stimulus. He sucked it with passion and
tenderness and felt it slowly grow between his lips, become hard, stand
up. He felt it shudder against his tongue, and all of a sudden Matteo
froze. His mind in turmoil for the emotion had finally registered the
meaning of that change. No, it was not just a sensation...
He slowly let slip out of his mouth the straight and stiff member, and
looked at it fascinated. Then, almost not believing his eyes, he looked
at Scott's face - it was motionless, his eyes closed, serene as always.
He went back to look at the member, unmistakably hard and pointing
upwards.
With a trembling voice, looking again at his face, he murmured, "Scott!
Oh, Scott, can you hear me? Oh Scott, give me a sign... give me a sign
that you are back... O, please... give me a sign... You reacted... I
aroused you... Scott... give me a sign..." he beseeched.
But the member started to slowly go down, to go limp again, until it
languidly rested, as usual, between the boy's thighs.
"Oh, Scott... Scott... we established a contact..." he murmured, in
confusion, "It could not have been just a sheer chance... You felt my
lips... oh Scott... what should I do, now?" he asked caressing his
check. "My god, was I wrong having done it... or should I go on? But if
you woke up while I was sucking you... a stranger... You could have
hated me, you could have thought I was taking advantage of you... And I
can't even ask somebody for advice, I can't talk about it with anybody,
I can't tell the others what I was doing... They would not understand
that mine was a love gesture. Because I love you, Scott, I love you to
die for..."
Matteo sat down, his eyes filled with tears, and contemplated that body
on which now nothing more betrayed what had just happened.
"And I have no other means to tell you, Scott, I have no other means to
tell you how much I love you, but this..."
About two more hours passed, during which Matteo continued to talk to
him, to ask him to forgive him, to tell him he loved him. He heard the
key turn on the house door and covered Scott with the sheet again.
After a while Giuliano showed his head at the bedroom door, "Hi, Matteo.
Nothing new, right?"
"No, nothing new..." Matteo lied, without looking at him, fearing the
lie could be read in his eyes. Then, seized by a sudden inspiration,
said, "Come in, Giuliano, come here..." and while Giuliano was drawing
nearer the bed, he uncovered the boy's body, "Look at him," he went on,
"isn't he really beautiful?"
"I... I don't know... yes, sure, he's beautiful. But why..."
"Don't you feel the desire to make love with him?"
"What are you saying! It is... it is just a body... How could I make
love with him? He's unconscious... he... he's not here. That's just an
empty shell..."
"But aren't you in love with him?"
"With Scott, yes... not with... with that."
"But he is Scott! He is here... he possibly is just waiting for you to
call him back..."
"What's that, the tale of The Sleeping Beauty in the Wood? Do you
believe in tales?" Giuliano asked him with sarcasm, visibly disturbed.
Matteo shook his head. The nurse rang at the door and Giuliano went to
open it. They came in the room together.
"Would you go and fix the supper, Matteo. Go please..." Giuliano said
before going to his bedroom to change his clothes.
Matteo prepared the meal. Then they watched TV and around 11.30 they
went to bed.
Giuliano embraced him, "Come here, let's make love..."
"No, tonight I don't feel like... I'm feeling quite tired." Matteo said.
"But I want it... Feel here how hard it is..."
"It's hard for me?"
"For who else? Come here, come on..."
"Couldn't it be hard just... just for a chance?"
"What silly things are you saying? Only desire can make it hard, isn't
it so? And I desire you. Come on, stop talking..."
"But during the night it becomes hard without a reason, doesn't it?"
"Suck it, come on..."
"No, first tell me why during the night..."
"What do I know! Possibly an erotic dream... an unintentional
brushing... But now it's not night, I'm not sleeping, I mean. I'm wide
awake and I really want you..." Giuliano said, pushing Matteo's head
towards his groin.
Matteo parted his lips and let him push it into his mouth. He let him
fuck for a while his mouth, without feeling aroused. He let Giuliano
turn him, penetrate him, and let him come inside him, still without
getting excited. It didn't bother him, but he did not even receive any
pleasure.
"Ah, Matteo, I like you." Giuliano said, relaxing.
Matteo felt him fall asleep, satisfied. And then he recalled Scott and
what he had done with him... and at once became aroused. And recalled
Giuliano's words, "Only desire can make it hard ... only desire... only
desire..."
On the following morning he got up, prepared the breakfast, said goodbye
to Giuliano going to work, and took over from the night nurse.
When he was again alone with Scott in his bedroom, he went near his bed
and looked at the youth's face.
"I'm here, Scott... We are alone again, you and I. And I desire you more
and more, Scott! I'm burning with love for you... If I just knew what I
have to do... Would it be better I leave? Or I stay here near you and...
and I make love with you? I feel confused, my love. I'm terribly
confused, do you know? If I stay here... I'll end with surely doing it
again, I know. But if I go away, I would feel like I'm betraying you, my
love! What should I do, Scott? Oh, if you just could answer me" Matteo
said, caressing his cheek.
He went down to kiss his lips and lightly passed on them the tip of his
tongue, and caressed his cheeks, his neck, and Matteo's hands lowered on
Scott's chest, lingered on his nipples and when he lowered to suck one,
he felt it harden almost at once.
This time he became aware of it immediately because that was exactly the
reaction he was desiring, that he was hoping to get. He went on to suck
his nipples while his hands were going down to caress the belly, the
groin and reached the member, gently caressing, titillating, feeling it.
And his hands felt it gradually harden, slowly but unequivocally.
Matteo, going on teasing his still hard nipples with one hand, and
keeping the other on the member more and more firm and big, looked at
his always serene and impassive face.
"Scott... Scott, you are feeling something, you are feeling... Do you
like it? Should I go on? Do you want me to make love with you, Scott? Do
you want me?" he asked hesitantly, heart-broken.
Then, continuing to caress him all over his body, lingering in the most
erogenous places, he went down with his mouth on his not yet fully erect
but already swollen member. He licked it up and down, then with his lips
and tongue kneaded and licked his testicles, went again up to lightly
squeeze between his lips the pole, up and down, then he took care of the
glans, at times wrapping it with his outstretched tongue, at times
lapping it, at times just teasing it with his tongue tip. And finally he
took all of it into his mouth and while his hands were gently sweeping
on the beautiful motionless body, started to suck it moving his head up
and down.
He felt Scott's member become harder, stronger, rise in all his power,
massive and firm in his mouth. That lifeless body was reacting to
Matteo's loving caresses and he was feeling more and more moved.
He continued to suck it for a long while, until, on instinct, he pushed
a finger under his testicles, pushing it until he could tease Scott's
anus. He massaged, titillated, teased it, and finally tested its
resistance with the finger tip, gently pushing. He thought he felt a
shudder run through the member in his mouth. He then wet his finger with
saliva and tried again. The sphincter yielded and the finger sank in the
hot channel of the young body. The member again had a shudder, then one
more, then throbbed and a sweet, warm cream flew into Matteo's welcoming
mouth, who greedily drank all of it... until he felt the member
gradually soften and withdraw.
He then parted from him and contemplated him. He was rather surprised
seeing that relaxed body, again lifeless, his member glossy with saliva
but already at rest. He caressed him.
"Scott... love... you finally came in me. But why don't you still wake
up? You obviously felt me, and you enjoyed it... I am been able to give
you pleasure, delight... Come, Scott, recover your senses, come back
with us... I love you so much and... you will possibly chase me away, I
don't care, but come back... Oh, Scott, my sweet love... I would like so
much being yours... all yours... Will you want me? Or wouldn't you care
less about me? Or will you hate me? I don't care, provided that you come
back..." Matteo said, feeling as if he was in a dream dimension.
Later he washed him and massaged his body with the lotion, spying for a
new answer from the beloved body to his touches, but nothing happened.
He changed the bottle of nutrition fluids. He sat near the bed and
started to talk to him again. He was telling him about the weather, the
season, the trees, the sea waves... He recounted to him his thoughts,
his emotions, his hopes and worries... He expressed to him his feelings,
his love, his desire.
Hours elapsed and Matteo, tireless, at times lightly caressed him, at
times talked with him, at times simply held a hand between his hands and
caressed it, just staying in silence at his side.
Giuliano came back home, then the nurse arrived to relieve him. Matteo
said nothing about what happened but, differently from the previous
days, he was now feeling more self-confident, more tranquil.
They were looking at a movie at the TV, when Matteo said, "Tell me,
Giuliano, what if Scott never comes back to his senses again?"
"Good Lord, it would be horrible... I would not stand it... Already all
these months are so heavy. It's now about one year he is in that
condition..."
"But what would you do?"
"I don't know. I would continue to have him attended, of course..."
"But you?"
"I, what?"
"Your life, I mean. Would you go on waiting for him?"
"I don't know... with you near me, possibly... I'm falling in love with
you again, Matteo. Since you are here, I'm feeling better. I feel more
alive, I too..."
"Do you mean you are no more in love with Scott?"
"Yes, I love him, but... he is not here, he is absent. You on the
contrary are here, hot, living, real, desirable, sweet..."
"But if he recovered his senses? You would go back to him, wouldn't you?
"I don't know... I am less and less certain. I like you so very much...
You are really desirable. Come to bed, now... come on... let's make
love..."
"Let's see the end of the movie first."
"What does it matter? Look here, how turned on I am!"
"Giuliano! The nurse could enter here! Cover yourself, come on!" Matteo
rebuked him.
"Come in our bedroom, come on! Yesterday night you let me take you...
but tonight I want you to take me... I want you inside me, Matteo!"
"Wait, come on. No, please, stop it..."
"Come to bed, then."
"I don't really feel like, Giuliano, really I..."
"I'll make you horny, my beautiful young male!"
"No, please... don't force me... I don't feel..."
But Giuliano seized his arm and took him to the bedroom. He undressed
him, kissed, sucked him. And Matteo, who all long the day had controlled
his excitement without giving vent to it, soon reacted.
"Do you see? I'm making you aroused, my beautiful man? Mmhh, how nicely
hard is it, now. Shove it all inside me, come on!" Giuliano urged him,
offering himself, filled with lust.
Matteo seized him and penetrated him almost violently.
"Oh, yes, Matteo! So... fuck me, go on... push! Harder..."
Matteo ran wild hammering him and after a few strokes reached a very
strong orgasm, "Take it! So, then take it! I'm coming... oohh...
cooomiiing..." he wheezed unloading inside him.
"You already came?" Giuliano asked, rather disappointed.
"Yes, I came!" Matteo answered slipping out of him and letting himself
fall on the bed.
"I didn't have time. Suck it, go on, I want to come in your mouth..."
Giuliano said showing before his face his throbbing stake.
"I don't feel like, tonight..." Matteo answered turning his head in
refusal.
"But I want to come!"
"Beat your meat, just this time." Matteo answered, trying not to seem
too harsh and off-putting, then added, "Be patient, Giuliano, I told you
that tonight I really don't feel like, I'm not in the mood..."
But Giuliano didn't give up. With a lascivious smile he said, "Then
spread your buttocks; I'll shove it in your ass. I'll do everything, if
you don't feel like..."
Matteo looked at him rather annoyed, but then spread his legs and let
Giuliano take his fill, without feeling any annoyance but without
pleasure either .
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CONTINUES IN CHAPTER 11
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In my home page I've put some more of my stories. If someone wants to
read them, the URL is
http://andrejkoymasky.com
If you want to send me feed-back, or desire to help revising my English
translations, so that I can put on-line more of my stories in English
please e-mail at
andrej@andrejkoymasky.com
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