Whores Get Paid

04Nov

Let’s talk about sex, shall we?

M is a twice-a-day kinda guy and he mourns the “passionate beginning” of our relationship. Can’t get it off his mind, in fact. It’s a huge problem. He feels unfulfilled. Lonely. Out Here on his own. Unloved.

He says that sex with me isn’t fulfilling because I’m not “enthusiastic.” Because I don’t “beg for it.”

I’ve explained on numerous occasions that if I don’t feel good about myself there will be no desire for him. That if he yells at me, while it makes him feel like King of the Mountain it leaves me feeling like a doormat and that is not sexy.

He refuses to do anything to spark my desire. He is a typical Narc – tearing me down to make himself feel good and then pressuring me for sex as the icing on his Narc cake. I should be panting hot for him just because he took off his clothes, right? He can’t understand why I’m not. Or so he says.

I’ll be honest here and tell you that I generally give in. There’s no bonus in it for me to refuse him – he just escalates his other abuses and his episodes last longer. It’s easier to pretend and let him get it over with. Frankly, I don’t think he cares if I’m even in the room – it’s all about him.

So, I’ve been keeping track of just how much sex he’s been getting – from me, at least – if he has someone else or helps himself I don’t care.

Since May 19, when I started keeping detailed records, he has had an orgasm with me 75 times. That’s 170 days, minus the two weeks he was away sailing and the five days he was out of town, for a total of 156 days when he slept in the bed we call “ours.” Divide by 75 and you get 2.013333333. That number does not take into account those nights when we had company sleeping over.

So, basically he’s “getting his” every other day. How many times did I “get mine?” Eight. He wasn’t in the room every time, and he wasn’t in my mind any of those times. That speaks volumes, doesn’t it?

Does that make me a whore? You betcha! If I had charged $50.00 each time I would have $3750 in my bank account. And, of course, I wouldn’t also be housekeeper, cook, psychiatrist, etc. I can’t help but think it would have been an easier career choice.

21 responses to “Whores Get Paid”

Jetgirl

November 4, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I feel your pain! I never kept such a detailed list but I most certainly had a similar approach: just get it over with. Or make sure I go to bed before he gets home. Giving in doesn’t feel good. We also had endless arguments about him being in the mood and ready to go doesn’t mean I am. And if you really want it how about a little foreplay? But he has no time for that. By the way, you are definitely undercharging! 😉

I couldn’t resist keeping a list after his many “I never get any!” comments. I mean, really? What about yesterday? Uh…he just can’t remember.

And foreplay? Yeah, I suggested that, too, went over like a lead balloon. If I really loved him I would just be hot all the time and woe is him that I’m not. It’s not his responsibility to turn me on, but he sure does like his dick being sucked. According to him that should be enough to get me ready. Whatever.

I wanted to put a low enough “fee” in the post so I wouldn’t get any more pissed off today than I already am 🙂

Yeah, I was shocked to hear about how awful it was, never did it,blah, blah, out of the blue. I was humiliated. We did it all the time. Of course, I was much more tired, since he was in the Navy and didn’t do jackshit while he was home, while I had a full-time stressful job and all the chores; which I had to do while being told at the same time not to, like it was too “uncool” to be housewifey around him–rather be hanging out with a whore, I guess. Actually, towards the end, he even suggested that. He was so weird he thought I would just stay and keep house while he moved a girlfriend in. No kidding; he was serious. When do they get comfortable with saying these outrageous things? And how many women have had to put up with this shit until they die? Especially in the old days–doesn’t it make you sick to think about that? I wish I hadn’t read this post. I should know better.

They have no boundaries or shame, but why should they? They are perfect and women are nothing more than tools and playthings designed to satisfy their every sick need. I’m getting bitter as time goes on and I totally understand women living alone just to avoid all the crap men fling at them. Alone with my sanity and pride intact is so much better than being a slave.

OH my, OH my! hahaha. Sorry to laugh but that sums up my experience. I would say: “if you call me a bitch, a cunt and/or a whore, I am really NOT in the mood to have sex. That would also only add some truth to the whole whore business, wouldn’t it?” THIS never resonated with him. Even his mother tried to tell him, still, he was not hearing it. What he DID hear was the one time I muttered: “Fine, just get it over with” and that, my friends, is how he saw our whole sex life together. I could never wait for him to get it over with. There was a time when he was very nice to me, before the abuse, when I couldn’t wait to get home just to be with him. He doesn’t remember that. He doesn’t make the connection: abuse = no sex, but he does remember my one point of exasperation. Funny how that works….

If you accept his behavior once, it seems to give him carte blanche to continue and to add more humiliations on top of the old. I just don’t get it. And he tells me that I have the faulty brain wiring!

I am being totally truthful here, Scott. I am trying not to let my anger, hurt and betrayal cloud my mind or cause me to record things that are untrue. The real truth is bad enough, no? The real truth is that this man has waged a 10-year-long campaign to crush my will to live. There’s no other explanation. I believe that he does have serious issues, but he believes differently – he, of course, is perfect, and I am the flawed one who needs his intervention.

wow. I’ve been away from the N since June and haven’t slept with him since April. He was always wanting it and would bully me until he got it. Almost felt like rape.
*shudder*
So happy he will never touch me again.

Uh…would you have said no if you could have? If the answer to that question is “yes,” it was rape. If you didn’t want to have sex and he insisted and you gave in, it was rape. Rape in the marriage bed is just as devastating as rape at gunpoint – maybe more so because it can go on for YEARS and because society says that it’s his “right” as husband. You have no recourse. Just because he didn’t use a weapon doesn’t make it any less a rape.

Another hot button for me that should probably be addressed in another post…

It’s OK. It’s something that I have , sort of, been realizing the past few weeks.
The funny thing is. I have been “raped” by a group of men/boys as a young teenager but this has felt so much worse.
I haven’t been able to enjoy being with someone I deeply care about and am attracted to because of this which is an indication that it is probably takes years for me to heal from this.
I am even considering (by my own dismay) going celibate for a few years. I dunno if that will work or not or if I just need to get into an environment that reminds me of him less and less. . . . .

It’s much more devastating when the man who claims to love you continually exploits you for sex. I know. I’ve been there. I am celibate now and plan to remain that way for some time to come. Ha! There’s a play on words 🙂

A single episode rape is easier to heal from – it’s over and done and you move forward. Enduring years of non-consensual sex is much harder to reconcile. You haven’t been away from him that long – give yourself time to recover and don’t rush a new relationship. So many of us go from one abusive relationship to another in our quest to be “whole” and it always ends in disaster. Or is that just me?