The government have announced that all schools judged ‘outstanding’ by Ofsted will be given the opportunity to apply for ninja academy status. ‘For too long our schools have been shackled by red tape and bureaucracy that inhibits them from teaching our children how to become highly trained killing machines,’ said Education Secretary Michael Gove, ‘these academies will be able to set their own curriculum and focus on the core learning goals of espionage, sabotage, infiltration and assassination.’