Thursday

Text Sex And a Double Date

I went on a double date the week before I left for Buenos Aires and something really traumatic happened which I'm about to discuss here (imagine yourself as Freud and me on a velvet couch).

Kimmie (whose name has been changed for reasons you'll soon discover) begs me to join her and some guy she met the weekend I almost broke my celibacy vow on a double date (his name is Sean). My designated snore for the evening is Sean's cousin, dude named Ronald with a funny walk (fail) and Converse shoes (win). I'm hardly capable of saying no to people when they plead so off we go: Kimmie, Sean, Ronald and myself.

We arrive at a restaurant called Carrabas 'round 9 and soon as we sit Sean orders a bottle of wine for the table. Glad for the much needed social lubricant as it's obvious this is destined to be one of those awkward blind date situations that never end well, I smile appreciatively his way. I'd already done my own mandatory liver lubricating at home prior to being picked up and am feeling pretty chirpy, indulging Ronald in a conversation about the importance of Scorsese films and lack of depth in present-day movies.

Once our food arrives, Kimmie excuses herself to go to the bathroom but when I try to follow she gives me the evil eye which means Stay put. I'm puzzled but comply, awkwardly making conversation with two strangers over shrimp linguini and Robert Mondavi wine. Five minutes feel like five hours and still no sign of Kimmie, so I take it upon myself to check up on her since I'm bored to tears because I'm concerned.

The restroom only has one stall with a mirror and sink outside so I figure Kimmie's inside peeing. I've known her since we were kids so instead of knocking I just open the door and almost fall back at the site of her in front of the mirror.

Apparently, while poor Sean was ordering bottles of wine and whispering sweet nothings in her ear in an attempt to seal the deal, Kimmie was having text sex with some guy she likes who lives in Atlanta. I've never really taken part in "text sex" so to speak but seriously could she have picked a more inopportune time?

Me: What in the fuck are you doing?

Kimmie: I. I was just, ahhhh, taking sexy pictures for Josh.

Me: Josh? Who in the world is Josh? And why are you doing this now while I drown out there in shitty conversation?

Kimmie: It's the kid I told you about that I met on Twitter.

Me: (roll my eyes so much I catch a glimpse of my own thoughts). Twitter. You met a guy on Twitter and you're taking naked pictures while you're on a date with another guy and leaving me out there to die of boredom with Ebert & Roeper?

OMG Annah you captured the moment sooo well! Thanks for making me look so good in the naked pic! LMAO!!!

I know it's crazy...trust me...I know its insanity...and though we're miles and years apart we have soooo much in common...and aside from the fact that he's got a big ego and the pics don't lie... I am enjoying every moment I talk to Josh and yes I have seen him...we've moved from texting to video chat... I've never ever ever done this but the adrenaline is just phenomenal!

And I am a grown ass woman and don't need no intervention Olivia! Don't know where this is going if anywhere, but all I know is I am enjoying it today...

P.S. Sean still calls me and wanted a second date after that. Really? I was gone forever with what he thought were cagaderas and he still wants to go out...lmao!

totally did not expect that....! was she drunk? lolps your drawings are so cute!! and thanks for the how to get followers post... pretty sure you have the highest amount of followers i have ever seen..! i only join blogs that i would actually read and (yours today). i think followers are flattering but not neccesary. and i wouldn't want someone to follow me just to get one back.but in your case, i am impressed. lol

that is hilarious!!! i mean i'm up for sending naughty pics and all but in a public toilet, takes it a little too far and i only send pics to guys i have already met!!I think your friend needs to have a serious word with herself lolx

Oh my goodness! That's special. I have participated in "sex text" before but never on a date with another man...and I'm way too damn smart to put naked pictures of myself out there for anyone to copy and post and send around the world. NO thanks! Glad to see you made it out of that date okay.

I wonder if Josh has a thing for nakkie pix in public bathrooms? I wonder if I would ever take my clothes off in a public bathroom for fear of dropping my panties on a dirty floor and having to put them back on. o.O

Guilt complex girls with the inability to say not to beggers unite. I would have done the exact same thing as you. I'm working on that.

OMG! No. She. Didn't. And she didn't even lock the bathroom door. Anyone could of walked in there and seen what she was up to.Although it is pretty hilarious and also you got a post out of it. I am not sure about the whole naughty pictures being sent strangers. I mean he could be posting those things all over the Internet and showing his friends. Plus he probably has "biddies" in all different area codes swooning them with his fast twitter skills.

Wait, I think I should clarify. While its true we were doing a little dirty sex-texting that evening, I think she misunderstood me. I didn't ask her to drink wine & send me pictures from the bathroom. I was telling her that wine makes me spend too much time in the bathroom and that I have pictures to prove it.

ok hold on how are you guys gonna judge us? Clearly you've never been in a situation like this because you never met kimmie. She is an amazing person to me at least lol

Its more than just the physical our all day convo is GREAT! And blame Annah she interrupted our date we had for the night lol but u know we are humans and we have needs sometimes and i send her stuff too....

lol, that's hilarious, you had me giggling to myself on my lunch break. The giggling prompted some strange looks from my colleagues, but not as strange as the ones I got when I scrolled down to *that* picture!

For a minute I thought she was going to sneak out. Because the one and only blind date I went on I ended up sneaking out through a back door for employees because the guy has stalker material oozing from him. Thank god I met him at the restaurant and he never figured out where I lived.

Kudos to "Kimmie" for letting you tell her story. At least she can laugh at herself while the the rest of us are rolling on the floor laughing at her. Great post Annah, perfect piece of humor to jump start my Friday!

I'm speechless... lmao... KIMMIE is crazy but hey whatever makes her happy... However, like our dearest Annah said... be careful... naked pictures always find there way into the wrong hands. Love you girls!

I will most definitely be telling this story to my friends this weekend. Looks like Kimmie should be getting her brains fucked out shortly. I'm curious to know how this goes...seems like the expectations are really high which is something I tend to avoid when it comes to sex. Should be interesting.

Liz: Lol that drawing WAS pretty awful eh? It's all good, I'm on the floor most of the time anyway as a result of tripping and falling.

Oh! and the evening ended like this: She came back a couple of minutes after that, said she wasn't feeling well. I asked to be dropped off home after bidding my farewells to Ronald and his incessant ranting, and Kimmie and Sean went out for drinks or something. I guess he must've really liked her.

Kimmie wants to clarify she never shows her face in the pictures and that Josh sends her naked pictures back too so it's all good according to her. Weeeph. We can breathe now.

Sexting!! Hahahahaha. That's frickin hilarious! Dirty martinis always make everything better. ;) I like mine extra dirty though...for various reasons (they're more fun to order, and cuz I like it dirty, muah hah ha). Have a great weekend girlie!

Just started reading ur blog yesterday. I think ur great too funny. Unfortunately I will be at a 3 yr olds toy story bday party tomorrow . So no sexting or nakey bathroom pics. Just a lil awwkward. Haha I shall have to pull off these shenanigans another weekend. =p

I was just begining to see reason in call sex and now I meet another shocker text sex! I sure will have to get use to that in a fast advancing world. To your friend I wish her the best In her online hook ups. To avoid being sarcastic I'd just stop here.

So wait, I'm confused - Did I win that swell purse or not? SPILL IT, woman!

And also, few things are worse than a bad date. I do online dating, since I'm kind of isolated from friends where I live now. One time, I expected to have a date with a 26-year-old who liked kids and worked as a fashion executive. In the course of the date, it came out that she was 35, hated kids, worked as a cashier at the Gap AND HAD NEVER KISSED A BOY. It was one of the worst experiences of my life, because she really, really wanted a second date. And I was like, "nooooooooooooooo." Darth Vader would have been impressed.

Josh- You are too cute and your comments are turning me on! They just have no idea how crazy our chemistry is and how amazingly wonderful our conversations are! For that, I think you deserve a virtual date tonight! Muah! :)

It's not that I'm a "magnet" for weird situations... It's that I just like to make fun of all the weird things that happen to me. These things happen to everyone, guys. Just not a lot of people write about it. This is just the TIP of the iceberg. Trust me.