In any walk of life whether it’s in relationship with your significant other, family, friends, colleagues, patients or even complete strangers there’s bound to be some conflict. The truth is, difficult people are everywhere and there’s no hiding from them; there’s no job where you won’t encounter a few from time to time. Within any business practice there are relationships between the clients or patients in the case of acupuncture, colleagues, vendors and employees. In any of these relationships the dynamics can be stressful to say the least and when you have a difficult personality or upset person or difficult, upset person it can feel unbearable.

In the book, “Dealing with People You Can’t Stand” by Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirschner they discuss ways in dealing with difficult people and conflict that may arise in one’s life whether it’s personal or professional. They begin by introducing the reader to the “people you can’t stand” in the first chapter with the “most unwanted list” which describes the “behavior patterns that sane people resort to when they feel threatened or thwarted, which represent their struggle with or withdrawal from undesired circumstances(Brinkman, Kirschner, 3) The idea behind getting to know those you can’t stand (as Kirschner and Brinkman put it) is to familiarize yourself to better understand difficult people and possible reasons as to why they may be acting out a particular behavior pattern. This will in turn allow the reader to arm themselves with knowledge and emotional intelligence to make a choice in how they react to the situation. Your attitude is everything in heated moments of conflict.

There is no way to pinpoint every single type of difficult personality and behavioral pattern, but here is a list of the 10 most common along with your goal and action plan in dealing with those difficult personalities and behavioral patterns.

1. The Tank

Pushy and ruthless, loud and forceful, aggressive, or with the quiet intensity and surgical precision of a laser, the Tank assumes that the end justifies the means. Expect no mercy.

Action Plan

Step 2:Interrupt the attack; the best way to interrupt people, whether they are yelling or not, is to evenly say their name over and over again until you have their full attention.

Step 3:Quickly backtrack their main point; once you have a Tank’s attention, backtrack the main accusation. Backtracking sets a good example of listening with respect, and it conveys that you have heard the Tank.

Step 4:Aim for the bottom line and fire; the attention span of a Tank is extremely short, so you have to cut to the chase as fast as you can. Preface your bottom line with your ownership of it, by saying, “From my point of view,” or “The way I see it.” This prevents your shot at the bottom line from restarting the war.

Step 5:Peace with Honor; never close the door in the Tank’s face. You must leave the door open as it gives the Tank room to back off. When the accusations of Tanks are untrue, their perceptions unrealistic, or their demands unfair, you must redirect to a peaceful solution by offering them the last word, but you decide where and when.

2. The Sniper

This covert operator identifies your weaknesses and uses them against you, through sabotage behind your back or well-aimed put-downs in front of the crowd.

Your Goal: Bring the Sniper out of hiding.

Action Plan

Step 1:Stop, Look, Backtrack; interrupt yourself, and bring all your activity to a complete standstill. Scan for the Sniper, and then backtrack whatever they said. There is a great deal of power in interrupting yourself. Whether you’re one-on-one or there are witnesses present, self-interruption brings all attention to bear on the Sinper, incluing the attention of the Sniper. Whenever you follow a Sniper’s interruption with a quick backtrack of the offensive remark, that’s equivalent to catching a bullet in midair and letting it fall harmlessly to the ground. The nonverbal message is “You missed me.”

Step 2:Use the Searchlight Questions:The intent question; “When you say that, what are you really trying to say?” The relevancy question; “What does that have to do with this?”

Step 3:Use the Tank strategy if needed; if the Sniper becomes a Tank and starts accusing you of being the case of this or that problem, no problem. It is important to use the Tank strategy to command respect not only from the Sniper but those who witnessed the attack.

Step 4:Go on a grievance patrol; if you suspect someone is holding a grudge against you, but you’re not certain, go on patrol and see what you can scout out.

Step 5:Suggest a civil future; Whether private or in the public, finish the interaction by suggestion an alternative behavior or the future. Example: “In the future, if you have a problem with me, come talk to me about it one-on-one. I promise to hear you out.”

3. The Know-It-All

This person knows 98% of anything. Just ask! Know-It-Alls will tell you what they know- for hours at a time – but won’t take a second to listen to your clearly inferior ideas.

Your Goal: Open the Know-It-All’s mind to new ideas

Action Plan

Step 1:Be prepared and know your stuff!

Step 2:Backtrack Respectfully; Be warned: you will have to do more backtracking with Know-It-Alls than any other difficult danger zone behaviors. They must feel like you have heard and understood the “brilliance” of their point of view before you ever redirect them to your idea.

Step 3:Blend with their doubts and desires; you must show how your idea factors into he Know-It-Alls specific criteria for what they believe to be the “right” idea.

Step 4:Present your views indirectly; use softening words like maybe, perhaps, this may be a detour, bear with me a moment, etc. Use plural pronouns like we or us. Use questions instead of statements. As you ask your questions, include how the Know-It-All’s doubts and desires will be handled if he or she acts on your ideas and information.

4. The Think-They-Know-It-All

These characters don’t know much, but they don’t let that get in the way. Exaggerating, bragging, misleading, and distracting, these legends-in-their-own-minds pull you off track.

Your Goal: Give their bad ideas the hook

Action Plan

Step 1:Give them a little attention; Backtrack to their comments with enthusiasm. Acknowledge positive intent rather than wasting your time with their contact.

Step 2:Clarify your specifics.

Step 3:Tell it like it is.

Step 4:Give them a break.

Step 5:Break the cycle; break the escalating cycle by doing two things: Use the gentle confrontation to tell them the truth about the consequences of their negative behaviors, and actively look for and notice what these problem people are doing right, and give them credit where credit is due.

5. The Grenade

When the Grenades blow their tops, they’re unable to stop and shrapnel hits everyone in range. Then the smoke clears, the dust settles, and the cycle begins building to a critical mass again.

Your Goal: Take control of the situation.

Action Plan

Step 1:Get their attention; to get people’s attention when they are losing control of themselves, call their name, raise the volume of your voice so you can be heard through the explosion, and wave your hands slowly back and fourth in front of you.

Step 2:Aim for the heart; Show your genuine concern for these problem people by saying what they need to hear. By listening closely, you can determine the cause of the explosion, then backtrack while reassuring them of your concern.

Step 3:Reduce the intensity.

Step 4:Take time off for good behavior; there’s absolutely no point in trying to have a reasonable discussion about the cause of the explosion while a Grenade has adrenaline still coursing hotly through his bloodstream. So this is the time to take time out and to let things cool the rest of the way down.

Step 5:Prevention: find the pin and don’t pull it.

6. The Yes Person

Quick to agree, slow to deliver, the Yes People leave a trail of unkept commitments and broken promises. They please no one, the Yes People over commit to please!

Your Goal: Get commitments you can count on.

Action Plan

Step 1:Make it safe to be honest; make the communication environment a safe one, so that the tow of you can honestly examine whether promises being made for the future will be promises kept.

Step 2:Talk honestly.

Step 3:Help them learn to plan.

Step 4:Ensure Commitment; Ask for their word of honor, ask them to summarize the commitment, get them to write it down, set weird deadlines, describe negative consequences.

Step 5:Strengthen the relationship

7. The Maybe Person

When faced with a crucial decision, the Maybe People keep putting it off until it’s too late. But there comes a point when the decision makes itself. Then it’s nobody’s default but their own.

Your Goal: Help them learn to think decisively.

Action Plan

Step 1:Establish and maintain a comfort zone; remember when you are dealing with people in the get along quadrant, intensity drives them deeper into the wishy-washy behavior. Even if you could intimidate Maybe People into making a decision, they would probably change their mind ads soon as they were pressured by someone with a different agenda. To help them think clearly, you must develop a comfort zone around the protest of making the decision. Instead of pushing them too hard to make a decision, you’re going to take your time and be as considerate as you can possibly be.

Step 2:Surface conflicts and clarify options; patiently explore, from the Maybe Person’s point of view, all of the options and the obstacles involved in making the decision, as well as any people that might be adversely affected by the decision. List for word of hesitation like probably, I think so, pretty much, that could be true, and so on, as signals to explore deeper.

Step 3:Use a decision-making system; draw a line lengthwise on a piece of paper and divide the page in half. Put one of your choices at the top and list all the pluses below and all of the minuses on the other side and then repeat the process for each option.

Step 4:Reassure them, and ensure follow-through; once the decision is made, reassure the Maybe Person that there are no perfect decisions, and that the decision is a good one. Then to ensure follow through, stay in touch until the decision is implemented.

Step 5:Strengthen the Relationship; promote the idea of a better future for the both of you as a result of their honesty with you.

8. The Nothing Person

You won’t know what’s going on because they tell you nothing! No verbal feedback. No nonverbal feedback. They seal their mouths and stare past you as if your not there.

Your Goal: Persuade the Nothing Person to talk.

Action Plan

Step 1:Plan enough time; hostile Nothing People may push you up against your deadline. You need information badly, they’ve got it, you want it, and so they won’t give it to you. For this reason, protect yourself if possible by planning ahead.

Step 2:Ask open-ended questions.

Step 3:Lighten it up; when nothing else is working, a little humor carefully used can go along way.

Step 4:Guess; If the Nothing Person remains silent and nothing else has gotten results, or you want an alternative to Option 3, try guessing why they are silent. Once you’ve come up with an idea suggest it to the Nothing Person and watch for a reaction.

Step 5:Show the future; sometimes, the only way to get Nothing People to talk is to take them out of the moment and into the future. There they can see the consequences of the continued silence, and perhaps they can find enough perspective and motivation to open up.

9. The Whiner

There’s a plan for their lives, but they’re not in it. Instead, they wallow in their woe, whine incessantly, and carry the weight of the world on their shoulders.

Your Goal: Form a problem solving alliance.

Action Plan

Step 1:Listen for main points; we recommend you listen with paper and pen in hand so you can write down the main points of the complaint. Whiners love this because it shows them that you are listening. This will help you backtrack and clarify.

Step 2:Interrupt and get specific; Take command of the conversation through a tactful interruption. Then ask clarification questions to get the specifics of the problem, because generalizations are rarely solvable.

Step 3:Switch the focus to solutions; Once you begin to get specific about Whiners complaints they find themselves face-to-face with the specifics of a problem. Ask them “what do you want?”

Step 4:Show them the future; when people have been feeling helpless, it is helpful to give them something to look forward to.

Step 5:Draw the line; if none of the above works with the Whiner then drawing the line on the interaction is a necessity.

10. The No Person

They say that “what goes up must come down.” And what comes down must never be allowed to get back up again. Doleful and discouraging, they drive others to despair.

Your Goal: Transition to problem solving.

Action Plan

Option 1:Use the Whiner strategy; your first option for dealing with negative people is to use the Whiner strategy in order to get them to be specific. No People, like Whiners are adrift in a sea of generalizations.

Option 2:Use them as resources; No People can potentially serve two valuable functions in your life: they can be your personal character builders, and they can serve as an early warning system for problems. If you want to have some fun, the next time your No Person starts to overwhelm you with negativity, place your hand gently on their shoulder, look them in the eye, and say “Thank you for the wonderful work you’re doing.” It will probably confuse them, it may stop them, and you’ll probably feel better for messing with them.

Option 3:Buy some time; No People tend to operate in a different time reality than other people. Any effort to rush them to a decision will force them to slow down.

Option 4:Go for the polarity response; the single worst thing you can do with a No Person is try to convince them that things are so bad. This forces them to polarize more deeply into their negativity. But when you meet them at the edge of their polar response, and go just a little further, the only way they can stay negative to your negativity is to go positive.

Option 5:Acknowledge their good intent; if you are willing to project good intent onto negative behavior. No People may come to believe it themselves”(Brinkman, Kirschner, 4-189).

As stated earlier, it is nearly impossible to list all the possible conflicts, difficult personality types and behavioral patterns, but this gives people a place to start. Sometimes difficult personalities are actually incredibly good at their jobs and if you can learn to work with that particular personality type then it could be a relationship well worth the effort. Sometimes it might not be, especially in the case of patients; perhaps the patient is dangerous to continue working with in certain situations. This is something acupuncture practitioners have to consider and then determine what constitutes a possible danger in working with a patient. It could be that this person could cause legal troubles, or headaches too big to contend with or even a person who suffers from an ailment that is outside the practitioner’s scope of practice or level of comfort. Whatever the issues, this is something all acupuncturists should take time to consider before starting a practice and then continue to hone as they have more experiences within practice.

In order to establish what your pricing products & services should be, follow the below exercise.

Step One: Who’s My Competition?

Always do a thorough competitive landscape study of practitioners in your area.

What are they offering in terms of services?

What are they offering in terms of products? For each competitor practitioner be able to know: Product, Price, Positioning, Claims, Location. Also include online retailers such as Amazon for products. Map it out. Try using this plotting technique for Steps 1 & 2 to determine where you are in relationship to your competition.

Step Two: Who Am I?

Ask yourself, relative to other professionals in my area – what am I offering and what is my point of difference? Establish your positioning as a business.

You will want to ensure you are in a competitive price point for your marketplace and educational / experiential background or offer some other value proposition that is unique to your product or services. What sets you apart to charge the price that you do?

Step Three: What is My Pricing Model?

The Manufacturer has done the competitive research and can only sell their product, Herbal Magic to their retailer, the acupuncturist at $10. Their COG is currently $1.50, making them a profit of $8.50.

The Retailer (The Acupuncturist in this scenario) has also done a competitive analysis and will be able to sell to the customer at the MSRP (manufacturer’s suggested retail price) of $20 – 100% markup The Acupuncturist / Retailer makes a profit of $10.

If the competitive research would only support the Acupuncturist to sell at $18, they would be making less of a profit but could continue to support their sales goals.

Option B: Variable / Amortized Pricing Example

Herbal Magic has expanded their product line to 3 products, all which have varying COG due to their high natural content.

Therefore the Manufacturer will sell to the acupuncturist following their standard COG formula of maximum 15% (as indicated above).

Product A COG $6.00 Product B COG $3.00 Product C COG $1.50

$40 sale price $20 sale price $10 sale price

The Acupuncturist decides to carry the entire new Herbal Magic line but can only sell to patients at a maximum of $30 /formula despite, having to buy Product A from the manufacturer for $40!

The Acupuncturist decides to amortize the profits over the sales of all 3 products by charging $30 / for each formula.

Caution: You must ensure that you sell enough of Product C in order to make up for carrying Product A. You will do this through your forecasts and sales plan.

Step Four: Purchasing Your Wares

When purchasing from a supplier as an acupuncturist – there are 2 things that may happen:

The supplier may offer to sell to only practitioners at wholesale cost who in turn sell to patients. This is the scenario where the above standard retail or variable / amortized models would apply.

The supplier may have their own retail outlets and only sell to practitioners at a mildly discounted rate of 5-10% depending on volume (1). This scenario, you would not be making much of a profit, but would be able to supply your patients with the convenience factor of purchasing from you.

Step Five: Set Sales Goals

Some practitioners are uncomfortable with the idea of ‘selling.’ Instead think of supplying your patients with the tools they need in order to improve their health and reach their treatment goals.

By providing each client with an herbal formula at $30/patient/month You see an average of 30 patients/week = 120 patients/month You followed the above standard retail formula and earn a net profit of $15 / patient.

This equals a modest $1800 additional dollars of no pressure sales a month or approximately $21,600/year.

By not recommending a formula / product – you are leaving $$$ on the table!

Quantities: If your business if going gangbusters… Congratulations! You may be in a position to bargain. By building good relationships with manufacturers in terms of quantities and ordering regularity, you may be able to negotiate your purchase price.

Natural Disasters: Keep in mind natural products such as herbs and essential oils can have volatile raw material pricing that can be dependent on ‘acts of god’ such as weather, crop yields, supply chain issues, tainted batches, regulatory changes.

For example: 3-4 years ago – Rose oil skyrocketed from $1Million / Kilo to $2Million / kilo due to a Rose shortage in Bulgaria. If selling Rose oil is a cornerstone of your income, you need to have a contingency plan to deal with unanticipated events.

Pricing Transparency: Be transparent with your pricing to avoid any confusion. Many healthcare professionals provide a price list on their website or posted in their office in order to avoid any confusion from the patient / customer’s standpoint.

Here is a good resource for healthcare pricing – although it does not include acupuncture, it will give you an idea of what other healthcare practitioners in your area may be charging.

Discounting: Avoid Discounting! Discounting encourages people to constantly seek out a deal or negotiate with you. They may only come to see you when there is a ‘sale.’

Instead offer a Gift w. Purchase or Token of appreciation. Discounting devalues a business, your wares, and your name. By offering a gift you are rewarding loyalty and purchasing which will grow your business.

(1) Based on a small inquiry into some suppliers for acupuncturists. For example: Crane, Kamwo