Sudden Death Overtime and New Year Wishes

People say “It’s a new year” and the good wishes come a-flying from every direction. I don’t mind, I’m all but immune from, and inured to, any good wish. For me, a “new year” (if I acknowledged such a thing as valid) would mean something as at the end of “V for Vendetta”. Basically, the idea expressed by “V” is, “the world until today belonged to me and it ends with me tonight. Tomorrow a new world is born, and you, “Evey” will nurture that new world.”

You see, it’s a truism, like it or not, that for something new to begin, something old must die. If all that “dies” is a number on a man-made calendar or the passing of a certain point in a planet’s orbit around the sun, that is not a death but an illusion. People don’t change, nor do their systems and societies, just by changing a year number, from 2016 to 2017. I think the farce has gone on long enough. I think it’s high time for would-be adults to take responsibility for their words and “do” something instead of just “saying” something because it feels good to say it, or worse, it’s traditional.

Life isn’t about feeling good. Am I saying something anyone hasn’t figured out yet? Life is a series of challenges, and some of those are quite heavy. Sometimes it’s a horrendous event beyond anyone’s control, and sometimes it’s a change that may bring good things, or bad things. Life is a struggle. Those who do not struggle are not living: alive, yes, but not living.

But back to my favourite subject: death. For me, a new year has always been about death because death implies renewal: no death, no renewal. So each year I die and each year, hopefully, if I take responsibility for my own life, I renew myself. Dying is an interesting process. We’re all dying, all the time, but we spend our time denying it instead of teasing meaning out of it.

Some quotes about being dead, the dead, dying:

“Being dead filled her beyond fulfillment.
Like a fruitsuffused with its own mystery and sweetness,she was filled with her vast death, which was so new,she could not understand that it had happened.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke.

“I have my dead, and I have let them go,and was amazed to see them so contented,
so soon at home in being dead, so cheerful,so unlike their reputation.Only youreturn; brush past me, loiter, try to knockagainst something, so that the sound revealsyour presence.— Rainer Maria Rilke, from “Requiem for a Friend.

All of life is a symphony of successive losses. You lose your youth, your parents, your loves, your friends, your comforts, your health, and finally your life. To deny loss is to lose it all anyway and to lose, in addition, your self-possession and your peace of mind. (Isaac Asimov – “Nemesis”)

What a solemn thing is this infinity which every man bears within him, and which he measures with despair against the caprices of his brain and the actions of his life!
(Victor Hugo, Les Miserables)

We can die by degrees (while hiding the truth from ourselves with drugs, work or play) or we can die suddenly. Sudden death is cheap: it doesn’t teach much and perhaps that is why so many would choose it. “Eat, drink and be merry” then “dead!” There’s death by slow-kill disease and that one is a monster though some manage to harness it, learn and teach from it. Still, it wouldn’t be my choice because I hate pain and consider it to be an unnatural effect of a twisted and tortured world.

The best kind of death, for me, is the one I’m on. I call it, “sudden death overtime” only it isn’t sudden death at all since I’ve been in it for 20 years now. I had set a date for myself to shed this body and go on vacation throughout the cosmos for a while. 20 years later I’m still contemplating that final separation sequence but this body isn’t showing much sign of letting go or slowing down. It’s like a combination of the Energizer bunny and the Timex watch that takes a licking and keeps on ticking.

Nota bene: I’m NOT complaining! But here’s the difference: I am dying, not by accident of birth, but by choice. Each dying day brings me closer to the last one and in each, as I look towards the finish line, I learn something new about myself, something that only my contemplation of death could reveal.

Now try to see the effect of a New Year’s good wish for me: “May you experience your good death this coming year!” For most people, that wouldn’t go over so well. For me, I’d have a positive response to such a wish. What does that say of my mindset; my philosophy about life? Certifiable… or expanded awareness?

In “V for Vendetta” “V” sets “Evey” up with a fake arrest, incarceration, interrogation, torture and constant threat of death if she doesn’t reveal “to the authorities” what she knows about “V.” She refuses, and at the end is condemned to be excuted by firing squad. Convinced it was her last few minutes alive, when questioned one last time she gives a resounding “No!” to the promise of total freedom if she reveals what she knows about “V.” At that moment she earned her freedom; she had conquered her fear of death. Her life changed. From a frightened mouse in a horrid world she became a change agent, resilient and fearless.

Somewhere deep in the subconscious we’re all “V” and “Evey” cocooned away, hidden. I am convinced that what enslaves us more than anything else is our constant fear of “death” – that nebulous, unknown factor; that terrible thief that hounds every minute of our physical life, whether we are conscious of it or not. We hunt happiness and haunt the pleasure principle trying to get the most out of every minute.

There are people who harbour such a great fear of death that they have to indulge in “extreme” sports and other death defying nonsense to try to prove to themselves that they don’t fear it. It is those people who fear death the most though they are seen as the opposite. That is how the fear of death brainwashing works.

Try to ignore it, or spend your time challenging it: the first “effort” is a waste since the company of death has much to teach particularly on detachment and self-empowerment; the bravado of the second is a congruence of twisted cowardice and pride, nothing more.

Perhaps one has to reach a certain age before one is comfortable in death’s company. Or perhaps it’s a question of greater awareness; of a mind set free from the shackles of organized religion, spiritually dead scientism or ignorant hedonism. A day came for me long ago when I was sure death had taken me. I was relieved, so much so that when I found myself physically alive again I was not at all happy until I realized I had gained a new friend: death would walk with me the rest of the way – and I found her to be very, very wise.

So next time you hear, “we are not alone” know that you have one constant, steadfast companion who will walk with you every step of the way to your last breath and beyond. She’ll show you the way, and she will help you change if you want to put in the effort.

My Friend, the Lady in Black

I walked uncertain, so dead tiredLost in a grey shattered landscape Of crumbling hills and broken trees, Eroded gullies and clumps of dried grass. I walked under a leaden sky With the sun a deadly copper disc Fixed overhead as if never to set; I staggered until I could go no further

Falling and sliding against a rounded stone That had witnessed many a season Under such a day as this. I fell asleep, or I died, not sure which But when I awoke There was the Lady in Black Standing still beside my wrecked body. She gestured for me to stand I did, much to my surprise For the body did not stir, nor eyes blink.

“Come” she said beckoningAnd we walked around the hillInto a garden to provide pleasuresNot to be found on the world I’d left.“Enjoy” she said and vanished:I felt terribly alone once again.

Thanks Sarah. Sudden death overtime – also a hockey reference. The point for me is the heightened sense of “aliveness” in knowing that the “game” must end suddenly and decisively. It takes on a whole different flavour. The other thing it reminds me of is that the lives of the players don’t end, just the game.

Thanks for further commenting, Sarah. I can’t claim to be completely free of the fear of death, but I know this now: the fear is due, not to a terrible reality, but to programming. We fear because we are programmed to fear. Some “They’s” claim there is such a thing as near death experiences. It may be then that I have experienced such a thing and that event caused a complete shift in my life, as well as usher in those I’ve dubbed “the Teachers” who made me see things I’ve tried to explain but much of which remains outside the texture of our language. I know this, that I am a mind. It may seem, in this life, that my mind can only operate from the body but that is to prevent those of us with lighter connections to the physical from simply flying off. The body dictates much of my life currently I know, but it’s a temporary condition and, fear or not, I want it to end. I want my freedom and death is my only available doorway that I know of, so I’m standing near, that when it cracks open I’m “outta here!” I also know I’ll be back… but not without a substantial and meaningful break.

Ah, thanks for asking! It’s as if you were planning to travel around the world to a new place, new job and a lover was waiting there for you. I can’t put it more powerfully than that. I was told long ago that, like my mother (who committed suicide at 46) I have a very light touch upon this world; that I walk between worlds. You may have come across my use of the term reading some of my blog posts. My attachments to earth are weakening with each passing day. Imagine one of those gas-filled balloons straining against their straps and those straps breaking one after the other until the balloon suddenly lurches free and starts climbing. Some are born with a call supported by dreams, visions, revelations and visitations that pull on us. Due to many wrong paths taken early in life I have had to remain “here” much longer than I was supposed to. Lessons had to be learned. I had to do some payback. Most of that, I think, is accomplished, at least enough to get a “pass” to where I’ve applied to continue my studies as a human being. It’s like applying for university: you need sufficient academic achievements to be accepted. I’m not just “flying off” into an unknown – I’ve been given a glimpse of the place I call “Altaria” where they have schools and train avatars and masters in many vocations. The choice I gave the Teachers was to become an avatar of compassion. It’s been my single-minded dream and desire to finally qualify for that and I know I’ve made it. So yes, this is a very exciting conclusion to one earth life for me. I also realize that not everybody here can grasp the significance of that, or even accept the possibility that I could be right.

If you are correct and you continue to transcend both realms, then please drop me a sign once you cross over so I know that you made it and you still exist. I think my biggest fear is not seeing the future of my family, and that I won’t simply be nothing at the point of death. That my consciousness will continue. 💖

I don’t make promises easily but I will do what I can for you in this, within allowable parameters, of course. From what I know, individual awareness, consciousness or mind, continues, but I think there is an option for those who are fully aware of the impart, to make a choice to dissolve. Why anyone would choose to return to non-individuality; to rejoin with the flow of life energy without any personal awareness is beyond me but I believe I was given the information that dissolution of individual consciousness is an option available. This is highly speculative, you’d have to find out for yourself; break down the barriers and find out what’s hidden from you. As below, so above. Our struggle for our place in the flow of life is endless. Choices are endless. It’s how life evolves everywhere.

Since we cannot sense what isn’t, I would venture that what you sense is indeed your afterlife abode. What I sense for you is that your magical world is a temporary world. I sense a time of renewal and peace; a time of rejoicing, laughter, freedom. I also sense that you would spend much time alone by choice, meditating on what you would reinvent yourself as. It would be a good (as in quality) time and when it’s done you would be ready for the next stage and it would be chosen, not accidental. You would remember. I say “would” because there is a choice to make. By their very nature, magical worlds are, well, for special people… I hope you like wings because you would have them: they are your spirit and your entire history is woven and written in them, an amazing sight to behold when one isn’t used to it.

“Life is a struggle. Those who do not struggle are not living: alive, yes, but not living… We’re all dying, all the time, but we spend our time denying it instead of teasing meaning out of it.”
~ So true, Sha’Tara. On contemplating death, I’ve learned to appreciate more the miracles of each day and the people in my life. In spite of the struggles, life gains meaning and passion.

Sometimes I wonder if “we” don’t imbue others with fewer struggles than are visible. Who knows what price someone paid for their bling, or what trauma and drama and pain anyone lives in, how angry or happy or sad they are, and do grandchildren know the difference in a .5% grandmother’s lap and one less fortunate? Is love colder on one end of the social spectrum than another? Death knocks on every door, the most equitable employer in our little corner of the universe. Are we forever who we are, on a journey, or are we part of something bigger, or are we destined to be worm food and dust in the wind? LIve like it doesn’t matter how it ends, with empathy, and we’ll find out soon enough.

Quote: ” Are we forever who we are, on a journey, or are we part of something bigger, or are we destined to be worm food and dust in the wind? Live like it doesn’t matter how it ends, with empathy, and we’ll find out soon enough.”
That is true, but it’s not enough for me. I need to know now. I don’t want to live as if I worked for a top secret agency, on a “need to know” basis, and that’s what we’re fed from day one. “You don’t need to know, trust us to tell you the truth.” Or, “Ours is not to wonder why, ours is but to do or die.” To me that’s elitist, religious bull. “They” don’t want us to know; to look beyond the veil, because if we did we wouldn’t be so easily manipulated and enslaved. So, whether “they” know or not, as long as WE don’t know, they can safely spew their control propaganda and no one can gainsay them. “The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves that we are underlings.” If I know I have a responsibility to a future beyond this one life (and I do!) and I know that such a future depends on my performance here and now (and I do!) then I have a very good reason to live compassionately and with empathy. If on the other hand I have no reason to do so, why should I? Why not use my brain to elevate myself above the rank and file, to use and abuse, to join the elites to enjoy this one life?