well, i just want to have a better life.definitely better.with bigger shots.and, stronger me.

strong enough to resist all (or as much as i can) those evil temptations to do bad things.strong enough to ensure that i dont fuck other people's life up anymore.strong enough to make everything (or again, almost) right.

that's all i want. only for now.

and yeah, to those who actually read this post, i'd say thank you, and wishing you a very happy new year. may the best of life be upon you.

fuck la. why do i always have to be such a pain in the fucking ass to you, for im JUST BEING MYSELF?

yes, semua ada hal masing2. ye, tau. semua ada moodswing masing2.

you have no FUCKING IDEA of what had happened to me in these threee months. this FUCKING THREE MONTHS. i got this whole fucking complication that im not even sure how to handle myself. and thank god, to date, im still sane and im still seeing distinct colours with my both fucking eyes.

for once, i need someplace that can really let me scream loud enough, loud enough till i can go deaf for like 10 seconds. i need someone (at least) that don't even have to ask, "eh kenapa? kenapa?". i just need silentness, a good ear that listens to every single piece of words i spilled.

and yet why do i always have to be the cause of your misery? erk. everyone kept bombarding me with all those eh-dude-you-should-be-yourself-lah-dude bullshits, by when i become one, all of a sudden i felt that im such a fucking asshole to you? then tell me, what am i supposed to be?

am i selfish? i am, am i?

AM I?

god. im so pathetic. ish. emo betul la budak ni.

heh.

2009. cepat lah datang. i want to start a new life. a new chapter. real quick.

nothing much, just been pre'eiy busy, for the past few weeks. and perhaps few complications, too.

well.. lets start with this point:

went to UM last two weeks ago,i think, for a stupid band audition, got lost, and that night i to went to bb, pickup the CD i ordered from Celine, lepaked with few new faces (not few acshly ramai jugak), hung out a bit (until like 5 am kot). esoknya, aku pergi bb, again, for the UOX gig. it was a happening one but sadly my boss told me that it was useless. argh. pape la.

unnnnfoooorrrrrtunately, bas ke kl last pukul 9.15. that time, it was almost 10. dammit.

pegi je la ke komuter, hopefully i can make it on time, nak kejar putra lrt kat kl. i saw a ktm heading towards rawang, igtkan dia pause lama sikit sebab platform yang lain, so off i went to the snack shack, lapa.

to tell you the truth, i have no idea. it seems that even the most "trustable" friend that you MIGHT think you can count on is the one who's potentially can stab you right in your ass. it seems like the one who has the most angelic face can seriously be the fucking devil to your own world. i've been in that, i've seen them, and i can tell that these fcukers are hard to trace anyhow.

as if there's actually no such thing as TRUST.

you will never meet someone with an actual pure sincere intention towards you TBH.

hmm.well if there's no TRUST, how can you tell that FRIENDSHIP really exist?