Once he told me, I told him we needed to talk about our options in the event that I fell pregnant. The day he came over, he told me he’d kick me down the stairs if he had to. I told him to get the fuck out.

I went to the bathroom and threw up from nervousness. I cried and hyperventilated until I threw up again. I washed my face and put on my clothes. They reeked of cigarettes and alcohol. I check my phone and of course, it's dead. I leave the hotel, get on the next bus home, and cry some more to myself.

I just lied on the stairs, shaking and silent. James hugged me tightly and the other two went to tell the chief. A few weeks later, nothing wound up happening and he left on a plane to his next duty station.

I shouldn't have let a guy buy me drinks. I shouldn't have agreed to a hug. I shouldn't have let that happen. Why did I laugh? Why didn't I leave. Why didn't I tell anyone? Why can't I sleep? Why me? I wasn't alone and I stayed with my friends. Everyone just acted like this was okay.

I got a text from him saying he was outside my apartment and wanted to say goodbye. I let him into my apartment. I lived in a small studio apartment so we were sitting on my bed chatting. Then he kissed me and pushed me down. He got on top of me and held my hands above my head. He pinned me down and with his other hand took off my underwear. I was begging him to stop and was yelling no but my cries went unheard. I was finally able to kick and push him off of me.

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