The Agony Aunt, Wife & Counsellor

Month: December 2013

“As a 20 something year old man, i find that i’m very obsessed about women.

I find myself looking at almost any and every woman in a lustful manner, staring at their breasts and ass.
I try to control myself but it only works sometimes and doesn’t last long and I end up looking at them even more.

I watch porn to satisfy my desires, it helps me to calm down myself. After masturbating I feel much better.

Is it ok for me to do this? Is watching porn wrong?

Please help.”

The first step in changing is acknowledging that there is a problem.

Firstly, watching Porn does not help your situation, despite feeling “calm” after watching Porn or feeling “much better” after Masturbating. This only causes a short term satisfaction, that keeps you wanting more. Porn & Masturbation are addictive and have dire consequences in regards to difficulty in maintaining relationships.

Secondly, Porn is Fantasy and can never match Reality. It will distort your image of women and relationships and hinders the (real sexual/intimate) experience you would like to have with your wife. You need to be aware that your Porn use, plus masturbation perpetuates your opinion on women and how you see them, thus creating a cycle.

Right now, Porn and Masturbation has been given a hold in your life, its been given control and is now causing you to focus on women in more of a demeaning way i.e only focussing on their breasts or ass.

You may think that this issue is more to do with hormones or how you feel, when actually it’s more to do with control of your mind. Its possible that the “Lustful” Obsession you have could have stemmed from Porn. Nonetheless this perception of women is also feeding your problem. You need to change your perception on Women, Relationships and Sex.

Do not allow yourself to be a slave to addictions such as Porn & Masturbation. Start telling yourself that the right kind of Relationship is one that is Monogamous, where both people are faithful, trustworthy, show love & respect to each other.

My questions to you are; What are you involved in? What are your aims/goal/ambitions/passions in life? Are you currently working? Because if you lack direction it can also feel difficult to replace the activities you currently find yourself in.

In changing your behaviour, you will need to be Self-disciplined and Take Control of your urges. Systems that you will Need to put in place to help you: