"Fruit for the sightscreen."

January 2013

There’s more to come in the Warnifesto, so perhaps we should not prejudge it. The words of Warne do matter. But in the end they will need to matter more than simply because they are the words of Warne, more than because they articulate an unfocused discontent with the quality of the current XI. In the end what is much more significant about the Australian cricket team is not what Warne is saying about it but that he is no longer playing in it.

Paul Keating and Ian Chappell are right: "Always bet on self-interest because you know it's a goer." That is why top order batsmen will continue to burn reviews; a point Dino Scungio appears to have overlooked with his convoluted review scheme:

What they should do is give each team a set number of reviews at the start of a Test series, say a total of six reviews each over three Tests. If a team uses one in the first innings of the first Test and two in the second innings – and they are unsuccessful – they would have three reviews left for the final two Tests

Mind you, it did seem as if it was a bit of a pisstake, and if it was not a pisstake, then The Sunday Age must be desperate for copy.

Televised cricket in Australia is overdue another such refreshment, and little about Nine at present suggests it is culturally equipped to provide it. What the network needs perhaps is more people thinking like Kerry Packer rather than simply trying to sound like him.

It is almost impossible for me to concieve of anyone else having the rights, even though I can remember when the ABC televised the cricket. Nine also have that stupid "last bid" clause in their contract. So, despite Nine's finances being down the toilet, I reckon they will retain the rights with my prediction based tenuously on Gideon's point that Stakeholders & his chummies at CA kepts shtum when McNamara potted Bailey.

It is in the Australian, so you need to be signed up. If you are not signed up, get stuffed.

ON JANUARY 7, the Australian cricket team copped a silent bullet. That was the retirement of Michael Hussey - and the Australian selectors didn't see it coming. Hussey did, though, as it was planned a long time ago.

The problem was he forgot to tell the Australian team hierarchy or his teammates until late.

We are all wiser in hindsight, but it would have been better for Australia had Hussey retired in Perth during the last Test against South Africa. That would have made the selectors' job a whole lot easier, as they'd have been choosing a replacement for the less challenging series against Sri Lanka. Now Hussey's successor will face the daunting series against India.

What to make of this introduction?

For a start, Hussey announced his retirement after the Melbourne Test on January 28. Come January 7 there was no longer anything silent about the bullet the Aussie cricket team and selectors copped. Nor is it customary for targets to "see" a silent bullet coming; not unless it is a particularly slow bullet, which admittedly in this case cannot be ruled out.

Syntactic architecture to one side, it is the implication of Deano's first three paragraphs that are of greater interest.

Deano wrote, back on January 19, that since he was now a member of the Australian Cricket Group Family Unit he was better placed to assess the performance of the selectors based on a greater appreciation of how hard it was for them (now by extension "us") to carry out informed player management.

I wrote at the time that Deano was a bit of an oaf if he needed to become an insider to understand what the informed player managers were trying to achieve.

Today's article is a little more sinister.

"The problem was he forgot to tell the Australian team hierarchy or his teammates until late."

What Deano really means is that Hussey forgot to tell "us" he was retiring and that now that he has retired he should have done it earlier to make it easier for "us" to plan ahead.

Would Deano have chipped Hussey thus if he was not now one of the informed player managers (or in this case, uninformed player managers)?

Extrapolating between the lines, with his regular column in the Age Deano is ideally placed to spread the good word. Not that CA would be best pleased with Deano potentially letting the cat out of the bag.

Lastly, but not leastly, if it can be assumed that the timing of Hussey's retirement was a problem for CA, can it also be assumed that CA have taken their revenge by not granting Hussey a lap of honour in Summer's Greatest Dress-up Party?

Keith missed out on the calendar, but can't have been too far off the four-times podium since his entry, Deep Fine Leg (Or perhaps Deep Third Man to a right hander?), adorns the cover of this year's Poetry Booklet.

"I love laying on paint. Putting a fielder in whites down at deep fine leg in a sea of green was a great opportunity to explore the shades of Australia's grass. It's sometimes burnt by the summer sun, dug up by fielders (or footy players in the winter), but it fights back, patchy yet determined."

Instead of knee-jerking gibberish about informed player management - and aren't all the jokes hilarious; attention fatheads, making the same dumb-cracks over and over will not eventually make them funny - the anti-rotationists ought to wonder whether there is a country that does not rest or rotate its players?

In India, the Englands have rested the Sledge Crazed Paceman, Swann and Joosty:

Just as Australia did against Sri Lanka, England has rested some of its best players from the one-day series in India, with Jimmy Anderson, Graeme Swann and Jonathan Trott absent from the series loss. But its Test team is comparatively settled.

And in South Africa the home team is on the verge of getting All-Whitewashed by New Zealand, but still lack their best XI:

Yesterday, Michael Clarke took a hat-trick when his unsuccessful LBW review dismissed first himself, then David Warner, then Moises Henriques. What is the greatest number of wickets a batsman has taken with a failed referral?

Also yesterday, is it reeeally possible for light rain to be more troublesome than heavy rain, because heavy rain would've soaked into the turf and been drained away?

Last Sunday, Clint McKay was given not out caught behind, Sri Lanka reviewed the decision, and despite no electronic evidence to the contrary, You Dick! Kettleborough overturned the decision and red-lighted McKay. What is the wash-up of that stuff-up, and is the umpires' match report available?

Most everyone is familiar with the JP Morgan story that he quit the stock market when the shoeshine boy gave him stock tips, the guts being that too many people had begun to think they were experts. (Does Morgan's story share trace elements of apocrypha with Steve Waugh's "you dropped the World Cup, Hersh"?)

This notion of too many dabblers spoiling the broth stumbled to mind while listening to SEN's summer fill-in, professional g-dropper Kevin' Hillier, discussing rotations with former Shield fast bowler Len Balcam.

You got the impression the only reason Kevin' had invited Balcam on was that they were old mates back from the days Kevin' used to roll his arm over in the minor grades out Footscray way, although it was not revealed whether the two played in the same team. Balcam was an honest toiler who played a few Shield games for Queensland and Victoria, but he is not exactly your go-to guy for cricket coaching tips. He is most famous (to me, anyway) for being given out obstructing the field in a district game when he shouted "OOPS!" at a fieldsman about to catch him.

Balcam said he used to bowl for two and a half hours, three nights a week, two nights for Footscray and one for Victoria, which both of them agreed was plenty good enough.

Former Australian selector Trevor Hohns is, to all intensive porpoises, better qualified to assess player management. After all, he is regularly brandished as an expert in matters selection. Hohns "presided over a glorious decade of success between 1996 and 2006." But perhaps that should read "Hohns presided over a glorious decade of success between 1996 and 2006 when he was lucky enough to have three of the greatest cricketers in Test cricket history, then quit as those three cricketers cashed in their superannuation in T20, a format which Hohns did not have to wrestle with when he made a mess of his own rotations 10 years ago, or when he turned the tri-series into practice matches after the 1996 World Cup." Maybe that was Hohns' true genius: he quit while he was ahead, having seen the writing on the wall.

Hohns should admit that had he continued after 2006 he would have found it just as tough as Hilditch and Inverarity have found it to manage a team with far less talent (both in the Test team and in Australian first class cricket), no match winners, an extra format of cricket and a shed load of injuries, among a raft of current difficulties.

Leave the gratuitous advice and cheap pot shots for the shoeshine boys and the Channel Nine commentators, concede informed rotation management is a tough job, and back your successors.

Not that you need to be a master student (master student?) of the game to know Ponting should have batted first. Poor Ricky was conned by the Pommy media and spooked by what happened there in 1997 when Tubby batted and Australia was skittled for 120-odd. The monumental blunder at Edgbaston defined the rest of his career.

You could almost feel the smug oozing out of the television last night as Slatts, Chappelli and Sumptuous fingered rotation as a possible cause for Australia's 74. But not every pundit has his head up his mouth:

As each wicket fell at the Gabba, as Australia edged closer to what nearly became their lowest-ever ODI total, the critics of the team's rotation policy found full voice. Commentators wondered if the side had been destabilised by all the changes, a question Channel 9's Mark Nicholas asked Michael Clarke after the loss. Twitter lit up with suggestions that after Lance Armstrong's display of faux contrition, John Inverarity would be the next to grace Oprah's couch and admit fault.

It was a pithy line but one that missed the point. And the point was that Australia's batsmen were undone by the most wonderful display of swing bowling from Nuwan Kulasekara and, later, Lasith Malinga.

Dean Jones was previously "critical of the Australian team's practice" but has belatedly come around to their way of thinking, albeit on the back of an appointment to a team management role. At least he has seen the light. One would question why he even needed to flick the switch in the first place. I mean, you don't need to be "part of the team" to see the point of rotation, but welcome to 2013, Deano:

PEOPLE hate change. They loathe it. Let us be honest, we even hate changing our hairdresser. But with the Australian cricket team, and the constant changes within the team, everyone has had an opinion on how they are travelling. Most of it not complimentary. Now, I think it is time for someone to stand up for the Australian selectors and coaching staff.

Less kudos - pronounced kyou-doze to really get up your nozes - for the saying "most of the players today have made a lot of sacrifices to reach the top." Come one, Deano, you're a better man than that.

Hats off to Michael Clarke (and Peter Lalor for distilling between the lines) for confirming what the good ship AGB has been tub thumping about since at least the Summer of Kidding Ourselves. Informed Rotation Management is a direct by-product of a lack of depth in Australian cricket.

Remember, you lose the argument the instant you stomp your little feet and shout at your skeptical interlocutor "imagine rotating Shane Warne, Dennis Lillee, Glenn McGrath or Dale Steyn, out of the Test side" as if your science is settled. Honk! Honk! Wrong! "Sequi" is Latin for "to follow" and is the present infinitive from which derives "sequitur" or specifically "non seqitur". Follow me?

THE captain's back, the A team is in town, but the rotation - or whatever it is - policy is still the most controversial thing in cricket this side of Shane Warne.

"What the public wants to see is the best possible Australian team on the field every game. And honestly, I think we're trying to do that. The risk of playing someone when they're not 100 per cent fit, if they do get injured, can put them out for six weeks, six months.

"The issue where the Australian team is now compared to where it was 10 years ago is that 10 years ago, you had four, five, six, seven great players in one team. If they were 80 per cent fit they were still good enough to win a game for Australia. Where we sit now as a team is it's a lot different to that. The gap between the 11 players that take the field and the 12th, 13th, 14th, 15th, 16th player is quite close, so if you're not 100 per cent fit to perform at your best, it's not worth the risk for the team for you to take the field and let the team down."

"Nowhere has Channel Nine ever talked the one-day game down, nowhere have we ever said this is a 'B team'. It's rubbish and George should stick to playing cricket and leave (television) rights to the people who know what they're talking about.

"I reckon he's got his hands full as it is. He needs to concentrate on staying in the side. And he needs to understand where his money's coming from. "Without the TV rights deal, George is probably working in a coalmine or flipping burgers at McDonald's."

"All this talk about the death of one-day cricket, it's not coming from us. Given we were lacking star quality, we were very happy with those figures."

How long before McNamara gets tuned by Nine management, apologises (sort of), then issues a clarification?

"I don't think it's in the interests of the player to reveal every little niggle. Players don't want to be seen as vulnerable or physically suspect and we respect that. We won't always say that he's got a bit of a bad knee because more can be made of it and it's awkward for the player."

"AFL footballers have a four or five month period in which they have a carefully programmed conditioning period. Now the cricketers at the moment, it's very difficult to find a timeslot, an extended timeslot, when they can undergo appropriate conditioning."

Andrew Faulkner:

However, AFL clubs also readily produce, and update almost daily, a full list of injuries.

Indeed they do. And no one believes the AFL clubs. "Four-to-six weeks" has been reduced to the status of a punch line. "General soreness" is now followed by a "boom tish".

How many times have you heard a footballer veer off-message into the wilds of unpalatable truth? One? two? Three-hundred? Then comes the stacks-on shellacking punctuated by the odd "Well, to be perfectly honest it is rather refreshing to have a footballer speak his mind" before they get back to the core business of shellacking the player.

No doubt the very first Power Point slide in public relations reads: "Tell the truth to the media and all you do is prove to yourself that you should not tell the truth to the media." (If it's not, I only charge by the word, including discounts for pronouns.)

John Inverarity strikes me as a person whose first port of call is The Truth. Not for him the bland platitudes of his predecessor coupled with his legalistic caution. How long will John Inverarity be John Inverarity? The nexus between in-private decision making and in-public communication is wide and fraught with hair-triggered gotchas.

The recent conflicting communications and terminology over injuries and rotation to Siddle and Starc are testament to the media's ability to point out / highlight / dramatise (take your pick) a muddled message. "You said rotation, then said injury, what is it? Your methods are obviously madness."

When Invers has to resort to sport speak, "informed player management" for instance, he appears unconvinced by the jargon. He sounds like a 50 year old bloke trying to, like, get down with the youngsters.

If he wants to go with "rotation" stick with "rotation". He should not let the media push him into finagling his message.

There are too many fatheads who don't understand, refuse to understand, or have been back-grounded by a vested interest or an old player (who could be both) to tailor individual messages. You're not going to please everyone; especially if they are click-baiting the oaf demographic:

Inverarity, asked about how Usman Khawaja would feel after being dropped after one game: "I'm sure he'd feel one game is better than none."

Invers said Usman Khawaja & Steve Smith should, despite axing, be encouraged by ODI call-up: "I think they would prefer 1 game to no games."

"I indicated to them that selecting them in squad was very clear signal from us they are in contention ... and want them to be encouraged."

Missed this earlier but Mickey Arthur to spend week in Perth with Steve Rixon taking coaching reins. Will return for Sunday's 4th ODI in Syd.

Invers will be accused by the usual muppets of glib responses. The same fluffy fatheads will also demonstrate a clinical inability to grasp the logic behind the rotation policies, or they will willfully misrepresent them. Not to forget the nostalgia crowd who will stomp their feet and bellow "Can you imagine asking Dennis Lillee to take a rest?" as if that is the end of the debate. Personally, though, I'm loving the old boy's work.

Is it harder to showcase ones expertise in the electronic media than it is in the print media? The best electronic commentators keep it short and sweet, but still deliver the requisite information to the listeners, whereas print commentators are afforded a little more space and time to consider their information. Reading Ashley Mallett's article today it hit me that his ability to get across the theory of spinning is precisely the sort of technical expertise that is missing from the Nine box, no matter how many sexy graphics they display (along with Tubby's flat refusal to concede what is shown until the 121st replay). Bryce McGain has brought a similar expertise to the radio, and his tag-teaming with Boiled Owl McDonald was a highlight of the Melbourne Test. Nine would benefit from an injection of expertise, instead of pissing off its viewers selling shit and behaving like knuckleheads. And just by the by, Richie is often brandished as an ornament to commentary because he was a journalist - Sharp Dressed Mallett was a journalist:

OUTSIDE the leading four slow bowlers, Australia's spin stocks are seemingly threadbare. Those four bowlers are Nathan Lyon, Michael Beer, Glenn Maxwell and Xavier Doherty.

Not that Rowdy would be allowed to tell the truth in the commentary box:

Were I to have a net session with Lyon, I would show him the square spinner, which is a far better ball than the Doosra and, a big plus, you don't have to throw it. Incidentally, I've never seen anyone actually “bowl” a doosra.

No one has ever seen a anyone "bowl" a doosra, but plenty of people have said they have seen someone "bowl" a doosra. They were lying.

You could never accuse Rowdy of being a square spinner, not with that coat and shirt ensemble, but just out of interest, has he ever taught an Australian bowler to bowl a square spinner?

The square spinner looks like an off-break, revolving slightly slower than the stock offie. Upon pitching it reacts much the same as the leg-break bowler's out-the-front-of-the-hand ball delivery, with the ball skidding straight on. I taught Daniel Vettori and Graeme Swann that one and both bowl it extremely well.

We all know Matthew Wade's keeping needs work - twitchy, comes up early, dodgy footwork - and that there is a point at which the credits banked by good batting are cancelled out by the debits withdrawn by bad keeping.

Retrospectively (two years ago I was unaware Macaulay Paine would keep getting injured), in my ideal world Peter Nevill would have been next in line after Brad Haddin, but Wade was Matty on the spot when Haddin flew home from the West Indies last year and since possession and performance are nine-tenths of the law for keepers Wade kept his spot when Haddin had time called on his Test career.

That was not fair according to the NSW mafia, Don Lawson the most vocal. "Players in the recent past who have missed matches for ‘personal’ reasons have not been discriminated against. Haddin has." Discriminated is a barbed word, which Henry deployed with intent. Trouble is, if all 35 year old keepers with less than pristine records behind the stumps and fading batting averages who have been dropped are also discriminated against there is a lot of discrimination out there.

Shane Watson has recently come under fire for white-anting Eddie Cowan. One wonders, or mischievously alleges by stealth, whether Brad Haddin has back-grounded select members of the media to make his case:

AS BRAD Haddin made his first national-team appearance in almost a year, his rested successor Matthew Wade faced a stinging appraisal of his right to remain Australia's preferred wicketkeeper.

Wade, Healy said, must ''look at what Brad Haddin is doing and try to find a way to get it done himself''.

Across the summer's Tests Wade scored 312 runs at an average of 44.57, claimed 23 dismissals and conceded 28 byes. Last summer Haddin, a decade older than Wade, exceeded Wade's dismissal tally by four, matched him for byes but was outshone with the bat, scoring 186 runs at an average of 31.

Wade's klutziness should cop a severe chastisement, but I am not Wade hater, just a fan who demands the national keeper should be mistake-lite. Heals makes the good point (which I have made repeatedly) that Adam Gilchrist might have been a great batsman, but because his bowlers were able to create more chances than Wade's bowlers, Gilly's mistakes behind the poles cost proportionately less.

If Wade is for the chop, then so be it, but a return to Haddin on a full time basis would be madness.

''I can probably understand it coming from Channel Nine. They are going into negotiations about the TV rights and I think that was a pretty tactical move to try to talk down one-day cricket and what the Australian team is putting out.''

Australia has been rotating the bi- and tri-series teams since we lost the 1996 World Cup and Cricket Australia decided the likes of Tubby Taylor could not dissect the Dijon in the 50 over format. Look back through the archives (general, not here) and you will probably find that every time the rights came up for negotiation Steve Crawley or his predecessors at Nine complained about the make-up of the F50 side.

By the way, while you are knee deep in archives (specifically here at the AGB this time) you will also find those rotations conduced (thanks, Gideon) a commotion. Trouble is the rumpus is always framed as though it is the first time rotations have been an issue. "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to re-write it anew." You'll get a pass this time since the latest brouhaha involved the Test team and although rotations, horses for courses and advanced man management looking forward have been mooted for some time, Mitchell Starc's rotation was the first time the NSP has followed through, and left me scratching my head. No, not Siddle and Hilfenhaus.

Anyway, George Bailey might want to give Stakeholders Sutherland a heads up next time he obliques Cricket Australia's official and valued broadcast partner. Perhaps he did.

The December 31, 1977 New Idea contains a cornucopia of treats: Lynda Stoner on the front cover; summer shawls to knit and crochet; Europe's royal families; a condensed book by Rod McKuen called "Search for My Father"; Mrs J. Hawkins of Tocumwal announces that "my first-prize winning recipe for bonny iced plum pudding is on the Bonlac pack" (putting on my Melbourne Grammar alumni hat, I reckon she is Tom Hawkins' grand mother); and Don Lane makes a point to Peter Russell-Clarke - "Where's the f****n cheese, ya c**t?"

With the benefit of hindsight, history and the unimpeachable provenance of "Howzat" we know what Dennis Lillee was up to in 1978. With the benefit of foresight, did DK's horoscope tick all boxes?

The coming year will bring Dennis a very busy but exceptionally successful year. He will advance through his own efforts and attain some extraordinary achievements. He will enjoy pleasant journeys, new and wonderful friendships and encounter odd but pleasant experiences associated with the sea or large institutions. It is likely that Dennis will exercise any literary or artistic skills he has and either write a book or start regularly contributing to a newspaper or magazine. There are indications of important changes to his domestic scene bringing very happy moments.

Arriving belatedly, fingers out of breath and struggling to remember why I started this post... Over twenty years later, 2002 to be precise, Stuart Robertson, the marketing manager of the ECB and avid devourer of 1970s Australian women's magazines, proposed a 20 over per innings game to the ECB. Stuart was, shall we say, nonchalant to overlook the undoubted inspiration for his inspiration: 20 Over Cricket "the best game available". Gideon Haigh now has a real goat to scape.

There is a Latin saying: "ars est celare artem" - it is art to hide art. In other words, great art is so skillfully made that your average pleb does not understand the skill needed to make it. The same, loosely, applies to sport: it is sport to hide sport.

Pundits, punters and plebs have compared the BBL to the WWE. Fair enough. It is not precisely apples for apples, but it is at least apples for plums. The distinction is that WWE labels itself "sports entertainment" whereas the BBL labels itself as cricket, ostensibly anyway. Everyone knows what they are getting with the wrasslin' - a razzamatazz affair they accept is fake, but which they also know operates on a different level to general sport (and, for the record, has a greater percentage of injury than the Australian National Fast Bowling Group Unit Panel). The crickin' is still cricket, just about. If the punters suddenly thought the BBL was fake, and not just bells, whistles, wanker ground announcers and allegedly fake shenanigans, and was actually dead set fake, or "cricket entertainment" they would be through the turnstiles without a pass-out as quick as you can say Mike and the McKennas.

HERE'S a scenario. Entirely fictional. There's a very great cricketer. Let's call him Wayne Shorne. He's making a comeback, being paid a king's ransom to play in a domestic T20 tournament called the Big Cash League representing a franchise called, say, the Melbourne ...

The cynical amongst you will conclude last night's rumpus at the MCG was the key entertainment factor vis-a-vis the Starzzz Renegers brouhaha, that any publicity is good publicity and that, to quote Oscar Whatsisface: the only thing worse than being talked about is the CricAussie publicity department.

* Rule 2.2: Engage in inappropriate and deliberate physical contact with other players or officials

* Rule 2.5: Throw the ball at or near a player or official in an inappropriate and/or dangerous manner

* Rule 2.6: Use language that is obscene, offensive or of a generally insulting nature to another player, official or spectator

Samuels has been charged with two alleged breaches:

* Rule 2.2: Engage in inappropriate and deliberate physical contact with other players or officials

* Rule 6: Unbecoming Behaviour, namely that "players and officials must not at any time engage in behaviour unbecoming to a representative player or official that could (a) bring them or the game of cricket into disrepute or (b) be harmful to the interests of cricket.

Cameron White has been charged with one alleged breach:

* Rule 1.2: Show dissent at an umpire's decision

You cynics are off the mark. The key entertainment is yet to happen. The laughable justifications for their actions, the risible excuses, the too-light punishments, one or two suspended sentence chuckles, an ironic smirk at how Marlon was pinged for throwing his bat (underarm, mind you) but not pinged for throwing the ball, the odd "just blowing off steam in the heat of battle" from rent-a-quote ex-players moved to opine, Mike and the McKennas' laugh-laden press releases, the professional apologies, and a stray "taken out of context".

On a purely technical nature, I notice that Cameron White has been charged with "Rule 1.2: Show dissent at an umpire's decision" whereas Shane Warne has been charged with "Rule 2.1: Show serious dissent at an umpire's decision." Curious that "serious" warrants its own rule. While Samuels has been charged with "Rule 6: unbecoming behaviour" but White and Warne have not been charged with unbecoming behaviour.

Cricket Australia chief executive James Sutherland played down the lack of big names in the squad.

“It’s only the first two games of the series. In the fullness of time we’ll see who plays in the one-day series. It’s only been picked for two games so I don’t see what the big issue is about that. The selectors made it pretty clear that the three guys who are rested (Clarke, Warner and Wade) will be back fresh in the not too distance future.”

Sutherland denied the Australian one-day side had been devalued.

Stakeholders can deny it all he likes, but it is plain as the nose on your bottom line that, for at least 15 years, Australia has been using the tri-series as trial matches for future projects.

Australian fans, the target beneficiaries of CA's innovative pricing strategies, might be dumb, but they are not stupid. Crowds have tailed off since the 1990s - why should punters take the tri-series seriously if CA does not take the tri-series seriously?

The only thing more horrific than Michael Hussey being compared to Jack Nicholson, is the prospect of Channel Nine picking the Australian side "from an entertainment point of view."

It would be staggering if Nine had any influence over team selection, but we've all seen the futuristic tru-life sports documentary Rollerball - if you have to ask "which one?" you are reading the wrong blog - and are aware of the weight the big end of town can wield when it comes to what happens on the pitch, gridiron, field or body and bike strewn roller rink.

CHANNEL Nine has reacted with bemusement to the omission of Michael Hussey and David Warner from Australia's one-day squad, concerned it dilutes the appeal of the series against Sri Lanka.

''From an entertainment point of view, and as a fan, I struggle to understand how those two are not in the side,'' said Steve Crawley, the network's director of sport. ''There is no doubt we've got to bring in new players - I think that's a good thing - but I don't get leaving out Warner and Hussey. When my kids play in the yard, they're David Warner and Michael Hussey. And as far as Michael Hussey goes, he's Jack Nicholson if you're making a movie. I'm into the romance of it all but I think we should be celebrating his final summer all the way.''

Yesterday during The Luncheon Adjournment Cricket Show the Australian players were challenged to list the "10 methods of dismissal". Eventually they arrived at Nine's 10:

Bowled

Caught

Stumped

Run out

LBW

Hit wicket

Timed out

Obstructing the field

Mankad

Handled ball

There were yuks a-plenty as the players muddled their way to ten. There were no yuks a-plenty at Nine's flimsy grasp of the dismissals.

Firstly, Nine said hitting the ball twice was not a mode of dismissal. Secondly, Nine ticked off a Mankad as a stand-alone method of dismissal when it is a run out. Has Nine heard of the word research?

Nor was there any mention of "retired - out" which is a slightly different kettle of kippers, but an "out" nevertheless.

Adelaide Strikers coach Darren Berry must face a Cricket Australia disciplinary board after he was reported over a verbal exchange with West Indies allrounder Marlon Samuels before Wednesday night’s Big Bash game at Etihad Stadium.

"Batsmen" are old hat, "batswomen" are passé, "batters" are the dernier cri. And don't we cringe every time a member of the international cricket family group unit utters this gender neutral neologism?

You will be surprised to know, on the other hand, or on the other foot in mouth, that I agree with Daniel Flitton's click-bait in today's Age: