Monday, October 18, 2010

A LOON AGAIN, NATURALLY ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Fasten your seatbelts, folks, there's a New Loon in town and this one makes Norman Bates look like Pippi Longstocking. I first noticed him standing in line this morning at Our Favorite Starbucks, waiting to order an Americano. He was rail thin, with stringy blond hair, piercing blue eyes and the kind of nervous twitch one comes to expect at 7th and Montana. No one seemed surprised -- or took any special notice -- when, all at once, he waved his arms in the air and screamed, "I'm going to strangle you with my bare hands!" The Baristas simply smiled and handed him his drink. He continued muttering "kill ... kill ... kill" all the way to the Condiments Bar but, again, no one seemed to notice. "If I were you, I'd stay away from the cream and sugar for now," I said to Actor Scott, who famously played Sergeant First Class Bob Brown on CBS-TV's The Unit. "Oh, that's nothing," said Scott, "Every now and then you need someone bizarrely flamboyant like that to spice things up." "Scott's fearless," added his wife, Marike. By this point, the Loon had grabbed a container of half-and-half and was busy throttling it within an inch of its life. He uttered a few more death threats to no one in particular, then left abruptly, nearly pulling the door off its hinges in the process. And that's when the crowd came alive. "Isn't it great?," asked one insider, "There's a new loon in town!" I, for one, am still not sure whether to call the Welcome Wagon or the Men in White Coats ...!