Sometimes Diabetes Takes Center Stage

What About How I Feel?

May 18, 2017

“Today let’s revist a prompt from 2014 – May is Mental Health Month so now seems like a great time to explore the emotional side of living with, or caring for someone with, diabetes. What things can make dealing with diabetes an emotional issue for you and / or your loved one, and how do you cope? (Thanks again to Scott for this 2014 topic.)”

Oh, mental health. IT’S SO IMPORTANT!

Did you get that? If not, go back and re-read it until you do. And if you’re thinking it’s hard to deal with, or confront, you’re right. It’s so hard. But it’s worth it. You can read pieces of my journey here and here and here and here. There is so much more to my journey than those four posts, but not everything needs to be on the internet! (If you have questions, please don’t hesitate to email me!)

I have it better than most. I have access to an endocrinologist I love, I have a whole building full of diabetes related specialists and a therapist who makes me feel smiley. I have a roommate who is studying to be a therapist who I can discuss and breakdown my therapy sessions with. And who lets me vent, as much as I need because therapy is expensive and I can’t go as often as I’d like. She is not my therapist, but after a while normal interactions take on therapy – styled responses. I’m the same way with children, because of my degree, so I completely get it.

I got a letter that told me therapist is retiring this summer. I recently lost another health care provider for different reasons, and the letter came a week later. It was like a punch to the gut. Or face. Or heart. Take your pick, it doesn’t matter, because no matter what you choose, the end result is that I’m devastated. (Hellooooooo run on sentence.) I know I have time to see him one more time. And I know he’ll set me up with a new therapist who he believes will be just as wonderful. But for me, it won’t. This new person will have my chart and they will see that I am improving.

But for me:

Where is the comfort?

Where is the familiarity?

Where are the tiny nuances that develop in any relationship that don’t go in a chart? What about those?

What if I’m not comfortable with any of the replacements?

Where do I go if the replacements at Joslin aren’t a good fit for me?

What if it feels like throwing money away and it’s not even helping?

Why does it always feel like I am starting over?

What about me?

For more mental health posts from the diabetes community, check them out here!