Sometimes a product is so hard to believe it exists, it makes you question the very fabric of our society. They’re actually the products that inspired us to start this site — a simultaneous celebration and measured excoriation of consumerism in all its glory. From the gorgeously handcrafted to the vapidly inspired to the fallaciously marketed, if it’s nuts we love it. And nothing, I repeat nothing, is more nuts than Ron de Jeremy Rum — that would be Ron Jeremy’s signature rum. Because that’s what America’s hairiest male porn star deserves: a luxury alcohol brand with him on the label, looking wistfully off into the distance. The Hedgehog’s 7-year old rum hails from Panama, and is actually hand crafted by 72-year old Cuban Master Distiller Francisco “Don Pancho” Fernandez. Allegedly Don Pancho inspected his best barrels to hand pick the ones worthy of becoming Ron de Jeremy, but who really knows — they could’ve bought a couple barrels of Admiral Nelson off the back of a truck and switched the label. Who would know — celebrity booze experts? “The aroma is that of carefully aged rum, with a harmoniously balanced orchestra of oak, fruit and spices. In the palate it opens up smoothly, showcasing a high level of craftsmanship,” claim the distillers. “The oak comes through robustly and satisfyingly, yet gently enough to allow hints of vanilla and raw sugarcane to reveal themselves.” So the oak comes through robustly and satisfyingly, eh? I’ll let Ron Jeremy handle that one.

UPDATE: Finally we found a proper place to pick up Ron de Jeremy, and you can even score a 3 cl sample size (you know, if you don’t want to commit). Pick up a 750 ml bottle for about $46 (£29) and the sample for $4.50 (£2.83) at Master Of Malt.

Beware of Aisle 9. Lost In a Supermarket are trained amateurs — do not try this at home.
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