Instructions for Microsoft's New TV Dinner Product

Author Unknown

You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept
and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a
bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of Microsoft's
rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are
encouraged to tell them how good it is.

If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the
oven using these keystrokes:
\mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat//
Then enter:
ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.

If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The
oven will set itself and cook the dinner.

If you have a Unix oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of the
dinner (found on the package label), the weight of the dinner, and the
desired level of cooking. Also check to make sure the directory
/usr/local/nuke_it/bin is in your path, and that the environment variable
MCWV_PWR is set to 700 Watts.
Then press start. The oven will calculate the
time and heat and cook the diner exactly to your specification.

Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your oven must
be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the dinner from the oven
and enter
ms.nodamn.good/tryagain\again/again.crap .
This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and
then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your hardware
vendor.

Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger than the
dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which are empty.
These are for future menu items. If the tray is too large to fit in your
oven you will need to upgrade your equipment.

Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the chicken
variety is currently produced. If you want another variety, call
MicrosoftHelp and they will explain that you really don't want another
variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need. Microsoft has disclosed
plans to discontinue all smaller versions of their chicken dinners. Future
releases will only be in the larger family size. Excess chicken may be
stored for future use, but must be saved only in Microsoft approved
packaging.

Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However, that
version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get thrilled in
advance. Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the
freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug.
Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.