HeadyGooBalls brings the distant and marginalized culture and news stories to the front of obscurity. Gen Y be sure to bookmark this site as it is a constantly updated source of self-gratifying foolishness.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Traveling to Third World Countries with A-Class Celebrities: I've Got the Scoop

I saw this show before I threw my TV out the window and everyone in the room agreed it was absurd. I was watching Redman, some hot Latin chick, Cameron Diaz (a different hot Latin chick) and Drew Barrymore romp through some Third World country photographing trees and taking time to pet the locals. The show rears its ugly head across the world stopping in Bhutan, Honduras, Tanzania, Nepal and Chile. As the celebs step out of private helicopters, jets and SUV limos, they are greeted by hungry Indians waiting for a chance to feed from Barrymore’s supple teets. Apparently my view of the show is shared. A summary of the plot by enviro-supersite Grist:

It's based on a simple premise: Diaz takes a gaggle of show-biz pals to biologically rich hotspots around the globe where environmental experts guide them as they ogle Mother Nature and the exotic (read: poor) villagers who live therein, whilst attempting extreme adventures in the elements, such as surfing in Costa Rica, riding elephants in Nepal, sand-boarding in Chile, and trying to find two-way pager reception in the remote wilds of Yellowstone.

A quote from “Eco-Imperialism” author Paul Dreissen:

There's something perverse and immoral when multi-millionaire Hollywood celebrities head off on junkets in the jungle - and then preach to us lesser mortals about the joys of the simple life, and how we should protect the Earth, conserve energy, prevent global warming, and help the poorest people on our planet continue 'enjoying' their poverty, malnutrition and premature death

Barrymore had more important things on her mind in Bhutan (than one of the lowest life expectancies in the world, 54) when she and her fellow celebs stood and applauded in awe at her “awesome” ability to take a shit in the woods. No joke: Diaz, looking at the triumphant Barrymore, responded, "I am so jealous right now, I am going -- I am going to go in the woods tomorrow." Even though logic would say you can probably take a shit in the backyard of your Montana ranch or at least in the swimming pool at the W, these celebs are in search of an exoticism to contrast their unfed sense of self-loathing. Joke: Eva Mendes topped both Barrymore and Diaz by the end of the show while in Africa, “Hey guys. I just met some black guy who told me if I really wanted to get the whole 'African-thing' down, I should cut off my clitoris.”

“Oh my god, I am so fucking jealous, I am definitely going to mutilate my vagina the second we leave this god-awful safari. I don’t even like peeing, these women are so lucky and happy.”

2 Comments:

where i come from, the future, we defecate on toys and hurl them at potential predators...in the woods, but we only have primitive navigation tools, so i don't know in which woods we defecate in. also france is now called robofrance 29. and tacos are illegal, i think we all know why.