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Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Funny! When you're clueless on why you're just still standing at the same place you were in 5 years ago, I'm feeling down. Obviously. To my surprise, the core problem is: I don't know how to make people like (or love) me. It caused me unable to reach my target to be 'Forbes' Rich Girl Under 25'. Ha! LOL not that... seriously!

Yes, because of you-can't-make-people-like-you = trouble! Always is. People will response Just-Be-Yourself thing is just not working to me. And we, now, have to face the fact that Just-Be-Yourself is SO OVERRATED! Truth. You can't be totally yourself in almost anywhere, including your own room. Why? Simple...

We have to blend ourselves.

We have to shape ourselves into a chain that connects us to the others. Forming power and harmony.

...

...but what if we're forming dark side of the world even more stupendous? We're playing God with power we want to have. What if so? Can we say 'no'?

Powerless, I'm in need of remedy. Sad songs move me too strongly. Shakes me so deep. Burning like fire in the water. My dear friend, circumstances, want me to play turning tables. I'm just not good enough. It's a real deal to sleep with eyes open, clarity in each air I breathe. Huh, how bittersweet it is...

I'm looking at the moon far above. It's still there... at the same spot shining by distance as it was 23 years ago when I was born. I want it. Touching the moon and dance over the sky. But la luna stays... and I'm here, not moving any closer.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

I don't know whether I have mentioned this before in a previous blog post. Don't remember much of what I have written in here. But, well, this is my story...

It's been a year for me to write for Hair Ideas Indonesia magazine and it's time to call it quits. I'm not going to tell a story about my silent farewell (read: forgiving in moving on). Nope, not even a word. Something better (or heavier?)

Umm, I hate farewell by the way...

Of course, within a year, there has been so much I could've told you. Anyway, you know, people always come and go. And a few days ago, (I still can't believe that) it was my turn. I decided to leave the magazine and move to another magazine published under the same company, which is Good Housekeeping starting August 2013.

Firstly, I think it will be whole new adventure and challenge. Different style, different people, different readers. Secondly, I had worked for two different trimonthly magazines in a row. So, let's give monthly magz a try this time.

How did I start it one year ago?

It began when 2 years ago I worked for wedding magazine because I don't like weddings or marriage. Not to challenge myself that I might change my mind about it, but I thought, that time, I would learn how to write for people's good, instead of for myself. It makes you tough and fair. As you see, maybe the idea worked a bit.

Then, I quit for finishing my thesis, before I finally landed on Hair Ideas, a UK-franchised magazine of another company. This time, specifically focus on hair and beauty stuff would turn me into something, maybe. Despite a new fresh start... I was hoping to see more chances open and gain more knowledge in fashion and beauty subjects.

Working on my hair brush...

On the go, challenges and barriers come back-and-forth. I couldn't differ those two as they were coming alike to my way. I turned tougher. I really did. By the time goes by, I realize if that was what it should be like. I'm destined to. Magical thing happens. I can't just tell you what exactly it is. But, that was my hardest year.

Hardest situation pushes you off the limits. I can say, it's like the circumstance where you gotta know when we have to draw out of the lines. If Carl Jung ever believed that 'the self consists of layers', maybe I can jump to a conclusion that someone (a layer) who has been hiding inside, deep, very deep in me until I couldn't see before her, has now come out. Another me. Knowing every part of me better at the end.

Later, while I was still on the way running to nowhere in the middle of time, a question came up to surface. I was struggling to keep up with everything. Someone asked...

"Is this really your passion?"

Well yeah, it really is. Or was. The question could mean to me, is this the real of who you are? The person I've been becoming all this time around, taking me farther away from the one I should be. Time was just rolling over, and you got to act. I remain loving it. Loving the thing that I'm doing. I will stay. I got to choose...

Anyway, during this one year along, I met more people to learn from. Experts. Smart people who could lead you to a surprising journey of life. Somehow, on the other side, I also learn that a leadership takes more of a bigger hearted person. Age doesn't mean anything if you just let your life passes by. With no fear to face. No responsibility to take. Only safe and secure along the straight road. Nothing great will ever have your back.

Guess what, baby? I can work it up with flat iron in many cool ways now! Well at least, brushing my hair more often.

I can't share much of what I have done for the magz. But this is one of the projects done I love...

There will be one more issue left to come, but due to some reasons it hasn't come out yet now. Will share when it arrived. Coz I wrote so many in that issue.

I will miss the time I cried at night asking myself, is this what I want? Or, is this what I actually search for? Look at me now! Am I there yet? Where should I be now? And, why I'm not there...

Glad that I can move on. It's not easy. I will miss the odd comfort zone I have created myself unknowingly for the one whole year. I will miss my habit, my desk, etc. Everything... The situation forms strange feeling that have my heart wrenched. Like a touché sensation. The something-new effect. Nothing stays the same, we should understand.

All I can wish is... I know I might have not emptied the trash bin, or never will able to, I hope I could have better and strong steps forward no matter what. Pray for me please...

I imagine it's saying for things to be just alright

P.S.: This world...so many people, but so little trust. There's no one to trust. Keep up with it, guys...