Wednesday, January 19, 2011

energy or the lack thereof

I am exhausted- all the time. Admittedly, I don't get a whole lot of sleep. Between John's pager, Matthew waking up once a night (at least) and my older boys always finding a reason to wake up in the middle of the night (nightmare, drink of water, go potty, you name it) I feel like my life has devolved into a bad sitcom. You know, the familiar scene where as soon as the mom lays down on her nice, warm, comfortable bed and lets out a sigh of relief, a kid bursts in the room or the baby starts to cry. I honestly sometimes wonder where they are hiding the camera.
I know my struggles and exhaustion are on par with any other mom of young children so I try not to complain too much. It does not stop me from wondering if it would be worth the hassle of fighting my insurance company just so I can check myself into the hospital for a good night's sleep! (Is complete exhaustion still recognized as a medical condition or would the doctor just laugh in my face?) The beeping monitors and hourly check-up by a nurse would be more restful than trying to sleep with my five year old cutting off the circulation in my arm.
Those of you with grown children are shaking your heads at me and murmuring the platitudes I have heard so many times:
"Enjoy it while it lasts. It goes by so quickly"
"Just wait till they are older and your real problems begin"
"Better a sleepless night rocking a baby than a sleepless night waiting for your kids to come home."

Enough already! I get it! However, I don't think you remember exactly how debilitating it was surviving on interrupted sleep when YOUR kids were little. Well, let me remind you.
Most days I can barely remember my own name, let alone my three kids' names. I lose words all the time. I will be mid sentence and completely forget the word I was going to say. It feels most days like there is a wall inside my head and coherent thought is just on the other side. On the rare occasion that I can sit down for more than two minutes at a time I fall asleep. More than once I have driven across town without remembering how I got there. I have absolutely no ability to make small talk when in social situations; partially because I am too tired to think and partially because I am relishing the silence.
So being tired may not be the best excuse for the messy house, the inability to get ANYTHING done on time, my shoddy grooming, my lack of patience with the kids, my spotty blog attempts and my desire to stay home all the time instead of trying to be pleasant and sociable around other grown-ups- but for now, that's all I've got.

(Disclaimer 1: This is not to discourage first time parents-to-be! This is a state that you usually only reach one you have multiple children in the house.)

(Disclaimer 2: This is also not meant to be offensive. This is meant to be funny. I just thought I would let you all know that in case the humor doesn't translate as well in my dillusional/exhausted state.)

4 comments:

I am so with you on all of this. I feel so bad always telling Dan that I'm soooo tired, but I am. Tired all the time, just like you. I often have great aspirations of getting together with friends and doing crafts or playing games and socializing, etc. and then usually end up deciding I'd rather stay home and "try" to get something done or take a nap. Sad. At least we know we're not alone.

I'm sorry. Sleep is so important. I don't realize that I missed it until I suddenly get a couple good nights in a row and realize what a changed person I am. Your entry made me smile and then want to take a nap. Maybe I can squeeze one in today. ha

You are amazing and an inspiration--even on so little sleep! YOU ROCK, MOMMA! I agree with you 1000% and my theory is that any mother who's youngest child is over the age of 5 or 6 simply does not remember or has repressed it all... MORE HUGS FOR YOU!!