Sarah Symonds: In love-sickness and in health?!

Relationship expert Sarah Symonds takes a sassy look at celebrity relationships, lovesickness and the perils of modern romance

Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon shortly after their first marriage in 2007 - which lasted only a few months

Only three weeks into 2014 and it already seems this is going to be the year of the rebound relationship.

Pamela Anderson announced this week that she has remarried Rick Solomon.

People generally get back with an ex because they are familiar, but heaven knows why.

That’s like moving back into a house you used to live in and hoping it’ll be the same.

It never is, and there’s a reason why you moved in the first place, remember.

Mr Solomon shot to fame as the charming man who distributed the sex tape he made with Paris Hilton, but that aside getting back with an ex – let alone marrying them – is never a good idea, and the relationship will have little chance of longevity.

It’s like taking a car to the scrap yard because it wasn’t performing properly, then trying to rescue it and put it back on the road.

The same problems will recur at some point and you’ll never be able to fully rely on it.

Pam was seen sporting a massive diamond rock on her finger, as if for affirmation.

One has to wonder if she is trying to prove to herself, or to the world, that she’s doing the right thing!

This is her third trip down the aisle, and since it was recently reported that third marriages have the highest success rates maybe she has a chance, however I’m not sure it counts as a third husband if it is actually the second one you are remarrying!

Other rebounders this month are Lewis Hamilton and Nicole Scherzinger.

Since Lewis has worked so hard to publicly win Nicole back, even shedding a tear on live television, I’m glad she’s at least humouring him by giving it another shot.

I predict more heartbreak ahead though, as being in a long distance relationship seldom works. There is always someone on the same time zone willing to fill the emotional void in the life of the one you are pining for.

Talking of pining, an interesting email landed in my inbox this week from matchmaking service Elite Singles, it was on the topic of lovesickness.

I personally don’t believe in lovesickness, especially after a break-up, as I find most couples get back together simply because they haven’t met anyone else, or just because they can’t stand being alone.

Both are rather lazy reasons.

But I have to give some merit to the statistics compiled by Elite Singles after the company surveyed 501 UK singles about their experience of lovesickness.

Their findings highlighted significant differences between the sexes, with 25% more men than women found to suffer lovesickness after every relationship, with far fewer men than women having to be “really in love” to experience it.

What??

How can a person say they are lovesick if they are not in love? That’s like being a little bit pregnant, i.e. it’s impossible.

My take is that these men were probably suffering from “lust-sickness”. If you’re not in love it’s not the love of another person you are missing, its simply the physical side.

The distinction between lovesickness and lust-sickness is a very important one.

Dr Wiebke Neberich, Elite Singles’ psychologist, suggested one explanation for why men might be more susceptible to lovesickness than women.

“Research shows that women are more often the one to break off the relationship, and since men have a propensity to overestimate a woman’s interest, it means they get brushed off and suffer unrequited love more often.” (Awww bless!!)

The survey went on to say 95% of their members reported being lovesick after a break-up, and though men may experience the affliction more often, both sexes agreed that the most painful heartache comes when a partner falls in love with someone else.

Elite Singles also stated that lovesickness can provoke physical sickness, with 76% of their survey respondents saying the social reputation of lovesickness is “understated” and can lead to serious problems both emotionally and physically.

If this is true, will we soon be able to get a Doctor’s note for lovesickness and time off work?

Imagine the phonecall to the office: “I’m sorry I can’t make it in today Boss, I’m having a serious bout of lovesickness and need to rest.”

I’m not trying to trivialize a broken heart, I’m the last person to do that. But I worry that by giving these emotions a title and a survey, many people will gloss over the real issues at hand and wallow in self-pity at the demise of a relationship rather than learning from it and moving on.

On the topic of health and sickness, it was an interesting diagnosis that took France’s first lady, Valerie Trierweiler to hospital last weekend.

She was admitted suffering from “strong emotional reaction” following allegations that her partner, President Francois Hollande, has been having a year-long-affair with pretty young actress Julie Gayet.

Having been the other woman herself when they first met, replacing his previous partner in 2007, I don’t see why she was so shocked but I tell you, if love is this bad for your health, you can keep it!

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One More Thing: Stomach churning displays in the kitchen

One couple making me feel quite nauseous are Paul and Alexandra Hollywood.

Not content on humiliating his wife by having an affair, she too has decided to humiliate herself by staying with him and using his affair to kick-start a cooking career of her own, appearing on the Lorraine Kelly show all last week creating various dishes, as well as a cringeworthy segment with her husband.

Who said a mistress can’t help a marriage, eh?

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Readers Letter:

Dear Sarah,

I was having an affair for the past 28 years with a married man. He died six weeks ago.

I am only 47 years old, he was older but I really loved him.

Now I’m alone in my grief, as I have no family to talk to.

Towards the end, his wife and family knew about me, as in April 2013 he decided to come and live at my apartment.

He knew he would die and he wanted me to take care of him, since his wife didn’t want to.

I asked him many times why he came to live with me and all he said was: “It’s nice here and calm.”

He never once said it was because he loved me.

I would ferry him back and forth to hospital, and a week before he died in December he told me if he was to live his life again he would not change a thing.

Can you imagine, Sarah, after all I did for him!

I am nearly 50 with no kids, and no friends. He was all I had.

I stayed 28 years because I loved him and still do, but sometimes I feel so angry towards him, and I feel guilty about that.

Please help,

Catherine.

Dear Catherine,

What a fitting letter for today’s column. Talk about “Til Death Us Do Part”!

This proves how many mistresses become like second wives, and I hope his wife will be including you in his will since you took on her marital duties, especially towards the end.

I’m not sure why you chose to stay with a man like this for nearly three decades, and I suspect a lot of your anger is directed at yourself for having done so but, as you say, his actions towards the end of his life were very telling.

Not telling you he loved you, and using you to nurse him, I’m not surprised you’re mad towards him. I’d be livid.

Most affairs end with a grieving process, mourning the loss of unrequited love, but your situation is compounded by the fact that he really has gone!

I’m not going to tell you I’m sorry he passed away, or send sympathies for your loss, as I actually see this as your new start, a chance of freedom.

Turn your anger and resentment into strength and commitment and start living your life Catherine.

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