If you haven’t seen Frozen, you are a terrible person and need to see it ASAP. For those of you too lazy to go see it, it’s about two sisters who learn the power of loving your family and yourself. My mom is convinced that I am Elsa and my sister is Anna, which works for me since I get an awesome musical number and a killer dress. Let It Go is the Oscar winning song from the movie that Elsa sings. Here are the lyrics.

“Let It Go” The snow glows white on the mountain tonight Not a footprint to be seen A kingdom of isolation, And it looks like I’m the Queen.The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried Don’t let them in, don’t let them see Be the good girl you always have to be Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know Well, now they know

Let it go, let it go Can’t hold it back anymore Let it go, let it go Turn away and slam the door I don’t care What they’re going to say Let the storm rage on, The cold never bothered me anyway It’s funny how some distance Makes everything seem small And the fears that once controlled me Can’t get to me at all It’s time to see what I can do To test the limits and break through

No right, no wrong, no rules for me I’m free Let it go, let it go I am one with the wind and sky Let it go, let it go You’ll never see me cry

Here I stand And here I’ll stay Let the storm rage on My power flurries through the air into the ground My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast I’m never going back, The past is in the past Let it go, let it go And I’ll rise like the break of dawn Let it go, let it go That perfect girl is gone

Here I stand In the light of day Let the storm rage on, The cold never bothered me anyway

This is my new theme song. I adore this song because it can be applied to so many different situations. Right now, it’s my song for a very big chapter of my life I’m going through right now.

Depression is a major epidemic in America today. It can be even more predominant in pregnant women and those who have recently had a baby. Currently, about 14% of women who are pregnant or recently gave birth suffer from postpartum depression. A good majority of that percentage have a history of depression in their family or by themselves. I fall into that percentage. Depression runs in the women of my family, including myself. I recently posted an entry about part of that experience (Six Years Ago…). After giving birth to Chase, I only suffered from Baby Blues. This time, I’m suffering from full-blow post partum depression.

This isn’t something that many people in general like to talk about or even admit that they have, especially pregnant women. It’s hard to admit to people all the negative thoughts and emotions that you have. It’s almost taboo, and I’m sure a lot of people feel that way, not just women. I feel that makes it worse. And statistically, it does. You are more likely to fall harder into depression if you don’t talk about it, if you don’t seek help, and you don’t admit to yourself that you need help. When I was younger and diagnosed, it scared me. I felt even worse about having to take pills to “be normal.” I was young, and didn’t fully understand what was happening to me, and honestly, I don’t think it was explained well to me until it was too late. This time around, I’m more open minded.

I don’t consider myself crazy anymore. I don’t consider myself a “faulty” person because I have to take anti-depressants to help me. If you have diabetes, you take medication. If you have cancer, you go through chemo. If you have a cold, you take Dayquil. Why is depression any different? Depression doesn’t mean you are a broken person. It’s a chemical imbalance in the brain. Simple as that. Medicine can help that imbalance. It’s not an over night thing by any means. It can take weeks, even months, before you not only find an anti-depressant that works for you, but to then start correcting the imbalance. But which is worse? Knowing that it will get better with help (and counseling if you feel the need) or waiting until it gets so bad that you hurt yourself or others? Personally, I would rather open my mouth and cry for help than go through what I went through six years ago. I’m able to understand my feelings and what they mean because I had such a horrible experience before.

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s still hard for me to get out of bed, take care of myself, to not think horrible thoughts about myself, and generally live day to day. But because I understand that not only does depression run in my family and that post partum depression is a very real thing regardless of my history, I understand that these thoughts are because of a chemical imbalance. I don’t try to play down what I’m feeling just because I understand what’s happening, and just because I understand what’s happening doesn’t mean what I’m feeling isn’t real. I’m just not afraid to tell my husband and mom that it’s time for medical help. Talking things out isn’t working, and anti-depressants may be what I need to start feeling better, to start feeling more like myself.

Which brings us to the song, Let It Go. In the movie, Elsa is hiding the fact that she has special powers, but at her coronation, it reveals itself. She runs away to the mountains and is singing about how she doesn’t have to hide herself anymore. She let’s it all go. She’s just herself now. That’s what I’m doing. I’m not going to hide the fact that I’m depressed. It’s not something to be ashamed about. I would have to be ashamed if I kept it to myself and ended up trying to hurt myself again, or worse, one of my kids (because that could potentially happen). It’s scary to think about what could happen if I tried to hide everything. Instead, I’m choosing to Let It Go, and just be myself. True, right now I’m not the best version of myself, but I’m going to get help to get back to “me.”

I’m not going to be afraid of my depression, and if anyone else reading this thinks that they could be suffering from any kind of depression, you shouldn’t be afraid either. Don’t be afraid to speak up and ask for help. Don’t be afraid of what you’re feeling. Realize that it’s not necessarily “you,” but a “sick” you. Talk to your family, talk to your doctor, you can even talk to me. No one that truly cares about you will look down on you or judge you. If they do, they don’t fully understand depression. Do the research, check out your options, and Let It Go.

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Maniac Mom

My name is Kristen and I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. This is my hysterical journey as a mom of two dealing with life twists and turns while trying to not let my "crazy" get too out of hand. I strive to be a happily depressed mom.Grab a cup of coffee or a shot of vodka and bask in the mania!