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3.16.2012

someday

I had a plan for something to write about tonight... but I'm just not feeling it.

It's a shame too, it was going to be quite academic. I even did research (read: asked my friends a question). It's going to be about how our culture glamorizes the most "unhealthy" aspects of love and discuss how unhealthy those aspects really are (or aren't) in moderation... another time I suppose.

Today I'm going to write about my bucket list (because that's not overdone... eesh), because I didn't have one until a few days ago. I tend to reject popular movements just by virtue of them being popular which normally keeps me comfortably in the badass category but other times I miss out on cool shit. I don't know which to call this case... I still think calling it a bucket list is kind of ridiculous, but at least you know what I'm talking about when I say it. (I actually call it my "someday" in real life)

For anyone who doesn't know, a "bucket list" is a list of things you want to do before you "kick the bucket" which is an unfortunate phrase that means "die." it makes a bunch of sense... It's right up there with "bought the farm" and "pushing daisies."

Anyway... I got to a place where I realized am the last person on earth to create a bucket list because last Saturday at dinner 38 asked me who I am inspired by and it was really tough for me to come up with an answer... eventually we got to Ira glass, but I don't think he really inspires me as much as I just admire him. It feels a bit much to call that inspiration.

Then later in our conversation when we were talking about going to see the Dalai Lama, 38 said it sounded like something that you can cross off your list of things to do this lifetime (I don't remember the exact words but that was the gist), and I realized I don't have one of those lists! Ack!

All this week I have been quite aware that no one inspires me (because I'm just too self absorbed?) and I don't have a bucket list (because I suck at setting goals because I don't want to be held accountable to them?). After a few moments (see previous questions in parenthesis) of wondering why that was I decided that I saw both as a problem and I was going to fix those problems.

So I started making a list. So far it has:

Travel to every continent

Go see the Dalai lama

Be in the same room as Ira glass

(speak at TED) i'm putting that in parenthesis because i'm still feeling very sheepish about it.

it's a work in progress.

and then this morning... it happened... I was inspired. By another person. And that's a big deal. This is what did it:

And then this (i actually watched them in opposite order, but you don't have to... this way will probably make more sense)

I've been aware that I'm difficult to inspire for several years now and when i think about it I feel like an asshole, so it was quite a relief to have this experience. I feel like just opening myself up to have the experience allowed it to happen.

That basically seems like the answer to life right? Want something? Be open to actually having it. Believe you deserve it. It will happen.

The moment I remember most clearly from Brene's talk was when she explained that the ONLY difference between people who feel like they experience love in their life and those who don't is that those who do think they deserve it. That's the ONLY thing. Wowza.

ps. I've added some new "things I know to be true" on the "rules and other important stuff" page. you can get to it by clicking on the tab at the top of the page.

pps. I leave you with my favorite moment of the day... a quote from the one and only angry wombat
"i never got the whole 'have a relationship with yourself thing,' but you go ahead and have a relationship with yourself. and tell me all about it."