Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The Southern Preppy Bro

I came across this HYSTERICAL write-up on BroBible.com. Please excuse the foul language. I didn't write it, so I didn't feel right editing it... but it seriously cracked me up and I had to share. I decided to add some photos of my friends to help illustrate.

The Southern Preppy Bro:

It's game day. As you walk to the tailgate you get some weird looks from the opposing team's fans. It's not your fault they don't know how to dress. Sure it's 95 degrees out, but who the fuck cares? You look fucking sick in your sports coat, bow tie, and lobster pants. As the sun starts to creep into your eyes you touch your head to see if you remembered to wear your shades. Fuck -- they aren't there. Immediately you realize you're a fucking idiot -- obviously they're hanging around your neck on your Croakies.

With the tailgate in sight, you hear the voice: "Spare some change, sir?" Are you fucking kidding me? You are not in the mood. Not only are you late for the tailgate, but you just stepped in a puddle and now your top siders are fucking drenched, and now this? "No I don't have any change, but I do have some advice: GET A FUCKING JOB!!" Doesn't he realize how fucking easy it is for your Dad to get you a job with one of his golfing buddies? As you walk away, you give him the finger. Victory is sweet. Now, even if they couldn't tell by your clothes, everyone will know that you're better than them. Of course you are, after all, you're the Southern preppy bro. Often spotted at SEC schools such as Ole Miss, Georgia, or Tennessee, Southern preppy bros are brave as shit. You really have to be when everyone wants to kick your ass just because of what you are wearing. Southern prep bros love designer brand clothing even more than those sluts on "Sex and the City." Having a Lacoste croc, Polo horse, or trying-to-kill-himself Brooks Brothers sheep somewhere on your clothes immediately validates you as a true Sothern preppy bro. After they get decked out, Southern preppy bros can be found googling moonshine recipes beneath their Confederate flag in their frat house bedroom listening to some Kenny Chesney song with a fat pinch of dip lodged in their lower lip. A favorite pastime rivaled only by their love of pastel v-neck sweaters and veiled racism is their ability to make girls think they are "gentlemen." For some ridiculous reason, Southern girls demand to be treated like "ladies." Bros fucking hate this, but because of their resourcefulness, Southern preppy bros have adapted. By doing shit that other bros across the country would never do -- such as pulling out chairs, holding doors open, and actually going out on dates with girls -- Southern preppy bros are able to achieve the goal they share with bros across the county: Getting Laid. So the next time you see a bro out at the bar sipping whiskey with a haircut that looks as though he just got done filming "Two a Days," don't call him a tool or yell at him to get back to fucking his farm animals. He may refuse to pound your fist since it's "too ghetto" but shake his hand, he's a bro and the last thing this world needs is more bro on bro violence.

I happen to be a huge fan of the Southern Preppy Bro attire. Here are some of my favorites:

I love Southern Preppy Bro fashion too and I miss those college days where I would get dressed up and sit with my boyfriend's fraternity where they were all dressed up in their coats, ties, and khakis.

Sadly, my husband was not a fraternity boy and is not a fan of many of those looks... but I still hang on to moments from my youth!

I'm not from the south but studied abroad with a huge group from Ole Miss and they all had the sunglasses strap (never knew they were croakies!), madras print shorts and thick hair that was subsequently combed over a bit. I always feel like I can spot a southern boy in Chicago and it puts a smile on my face! Boys in the Big Ten (I went to Iowa) wore jeans and hoodies. Southern boys have much more of a presence!

I was definitely smiling while reading that thing, but literally laughed out loud when I got to the part that said "a haircut that looks like he just got done filming Two a Days"...SO funny!! I agree with Brooke's comment above too :)

Love this post! My husband is a Big Ten fan (went to Purdue) & like PursuitofLLT said, he wears jeans and hoodies too (bless his heart). We are expecting in a few days and our son will be Southern, my Big Ten husband will have to adjust to the Bro Look!

The funniest part about all this is the fact the original look of this is from Cape Cod, Marthas Vineyard and Up NORTH! Vineyard Vines is from Mass! when you walk into a J-Crew they have t shirts with the islands off the coast of Mass, not Hilton Head, or Athens GA.When you watch Tea-Party on youtube the areas they are talking about are the areas where that look came from! I was born in Ohio, went to high school and college in the south and saw this everywhere in UT and UGA country. Its funny cause its its own world. (the fact that most kids that wear crokies dont own or know how to sail, or wear boating shoes but down own a sailboat) hint originally from the north east. I think its awesome, its proper and cleaning up America, making the college age kids seem more respectable, and since I work in a nursing home, I honestly think the elderly like the look too. even though its from the north, the southern folks (coming from a yankee as they call me) are respected from where it originated!