Michigan State Coach Gives Himself A Heart Attack

Mark Dantonio’s testicular fortitude trumped the speacial teams coaching of Notre Dame’s Brian Kelly on Saturday night, as Dantonio’s call for a fake field goal won the game for the Spartans in OT (never mind that the play should have been flagged down for delay of game, as evidenced by the zeros shown here). Unfortunately, Dantonio’s circulatory system wasn’t able to show the same resolve — about an hour after the game, the Michigan State head coach suffered what is being described as a “minor” heart attack.

[MSU associate athletic director John Lewandowski] got a call at 2:30 a.m. informing him that Dantonio had a heart attack and would be undergoing an angioplasty. Doctors used a small metallic stent to open a blocked blood vessel leading to his heart, a procedure they say is relatively common.

Because everyone in Michigan is fat!

By 3:45 a.m., Lewandowski learned that Dantonio was in the process of having the procedure, and found out after 4 a.m. that Dantonio was out of surgery and resting. A number of his extended family members were in town for the game and had visited him at the hospital. –FreeP.

The procedure went as planned and Dantonio remains in the hospital for observation. This is obviously much more serious than Urban Meyer’s “I’m stepping aside for health reasons-oh-just kidding” maneuver last Christmas.

But still…a minor heart attack? That’s like saying I got a “minor” beejer from Mila Kunis. It still counts, and there’s probably some parallel with plaque there, but I can’t quite finish that joke. I’m too busy looking for something to take care of these “minor” upholstery stains.