David Dreier Eulogizes Small-Business Owner Dick Clark

On Wednesday, after Dick Clark joined Don Cornelius in the “American Bandstand” and “Soul Train” in the sky, House Rules Chairman David Dreier came to the floor to remember him.

In order to do this, however, Dreier had to interrupt the colloquy between Tom Graves (R-Ga.) and Rep. Rob Woodall (R-Ga.). They were talking about the plight of small businesses and how taxes are bad.

How could Dreier make the Clark news relate?

Through oratory acrobatics, of course.

“The reason I’ve come to the floor is to share with our colleagues the very sad news of the passing of my very close friend Dick Clark,” Dreier began. “When I listen to the topic of your discussion, I am reminded of a conversation.”

According to Dreier, Clark was “a proud taxpayer.”

“I know people are going to be talking about ‘American Bandstand.’ This was someone who actually broke the barrier by bringing African-Americans on to television in the 1950s and the 1960s,” Dreier continued. “He is someone who was an amazingly successful businessman. He was a small-business man himself but was a very, very successful one.”

We guess that’s one way to classify Dick Clark. Mogul is another way. Or overseer of media empire.

“I just want to say that, as I listened to your discussion, I was reminded of how he regularly said everyone should pay their fair share of taxes,” Dreier recalled. (Can’t you just hear President Barack Obama shouting at C-SPAN, “That’s what I’ve been saying!”)

Dreier went on to remember his friend’s patriotism, “fighting spirit” and enthusiasm for taxes.

“I just wanted to say that, as you guys are here, talking about the need for tax fairness and the imperative to ensure that we encourage more people like Dick Clark, I think it’s important for us to remember the wonderful life that this man had.”

You’re welcome, taxpayers.

Correction: April 19, 2012

An earlier version of this story incorrectly identified Rep. Tom Graves (R-Ga.).