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Block & Buster Increments

Do you know the one thing that can bring out a smile on every person’s face? No it aint Love. It’s the word Increment. For HR professionals, it’s the most loved and hated time of the year (Love usually before the Annual letters and hate after). So here’s a small note to lighten up my HR folks.

I think UTV can make some blockbuster movies around these characters that are born during this natural calamity:

Mr. Jaga Jasoos

This Dharamchand is more inquisitive about knowing the Increment of others than his own. He uses various techniques to unravel the raaz… This includes taking colleagues out for a drink, sharing false information and of course he studies his audience well to use emotional games to get more dope on who’s got more than who.

2. Lage raho Munnabhai

Hope is clearly a strategy for some. They never relent. Every year they get single digit increments but yet they will hope for bigger increments with full confidence year on year. “This year company has done better, toh increment achha milna chahiye” “The new government has come, there is positivity, we will get a better Bonus” And then when they get similar or even slightly better, the famous ‘Main saari duniya ko jalake rakh kar doonga’ dialogue enters.

3. Dil phir chahta hai

There are some employees who have an annual process of looking out just before the Increment cycle. And while they do that, they sincerely hope that the news spreads in their current organization. If they get an offer outside, even better. They come back and helplessly show it to the boss. And the Boss falls for love at first sight. And immediately the movie breaks into the song – Aaj phir tum pe pyaar aaya hai

4. Roti Kapda Makaan Aur Credit Cards

This character is fairly interesting. He usually has a very strong supporting actor by his side (mostly a senior colleague or department head). The plot is to convince HR that he must get a higher increment because he has just got a Home Loan, Car Loan, Second Home Loan. And how can he pay his Credit Card bills with the current salary. I once wanted to tell the Department Head.. “I have a home loan too. So should I get more increment than you?” But I was never good at dramatics….Sigh…

5. The complete Works of William Shakespeare

Suddenly during the increment time, the literature skills of most bosses are at their peak . You will see prose and poetry written about an employee to prove that the entire company is running on his shoulders and so he deserves much more. What can I say… Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

Of course amidst all this, there are some characters like Barfi who silently work and are fiercely loyal. We love them, protect them and sometimes unknowingly take them for granted. Yet like the Dhoom series, they get better and better.

So a big Thank You to all these Superstars for entertaining us through the stressful times. Incrementally yours….

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2 thoughts on “Block & Buster Increments”

hahaha…so true…
Adding one more category:
Hum Kisi se Kum Nahin – Just a month before annual revision announcement, this subordinate will take his/her Boss out for dinner (wooing strategy) and at the right moment i.e. during drinks will share that he/she is definitely looking at something good/positive happening this year as he/she has done this… this.. this….and in that magical moment poor Boss also agrees and fights against all odds(HR)