Baby fever comes on strong

MRT

Published 12:30 pm, Thursday, September 27, 2012

I have gotten to do some pretty amazing things in the last 20 years. I met Willie Nelson, drank a margarita with the guys in Filter, introduced President Mikael Gorbachev at a press conference, saw Screech in an airport, went to a Dodgers game with my brother, was published in the San Francisco Chronicle and Wall Street Journal, saw Sting in concert and married the love of my life... without spilling one single drop of red wine on my wedding gown during the reception!

But the most amazing, awe-inspiring, miraculous thing that has ever happened to me was being pregnant with my two beautiful children. It took me seven years to be able to carry a baby to term, and I spent two very anxious trimesters when I was pregnant with my son. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all glamorous. I had so much swelling I was barely recognizable to myself, and as a result there are very few pictures of me during my pregnancies.

But there also was something very magical about the experiences. Getting to feel the hiccups and flutters and kicks was indescribable. Lying awake night after night, back out of whack, feet like footballs, it was always a pleasure to feel my babies thumpthumpthumping happily along inside me.

You Give Me Fever

When we brought Park home from the hospital, Hubs took two weeks off to stay home with us. It was the best two weeks of my life. I would hold Park until my arms shook, I could not get enough. Four years later, he still smells the same to me, like warm buttered toast. But my c-section was hard to recover from, and nursing was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Despairing and hormonal, my sweet friend Lesley came over. She knew I was in trouble. She helped me learn to nurse, shared all her tips and tricks, and told me I would, in time, forget how hard it was to have a newborn. And she was right. Two years later, I was pregnant again with Bodacious.

The pregnancy was a breeze, and my second c-section even breezier. Post-partum, however, was not. I still can see the look of concern and sympathy on my doctor's face as I sat sobbing in his office. My baby was 3 months old, I was exhausted and I cried all the time. I was not enjoying her the way I enjoyed my first, and I hated myself for it. The Hubs was trying his best to encourage mother-child bonding, but he was doing the lion's share of snuggling and loving on her. I was fortunate. Getting more rest, some anti-depressants and just being able to talk about it helped get me back on track.

Bare foot fix

The last few months, I swear I can almost hear my womb shrieking at me. I WANT ANOTHER BABY! she wails. I instinctively reach for every bare foot I see, and spend waaaay too much time looking back through newborn pictures.

I think boxing up Baby Girl's things for my brother's babe has triggered this yearning. Enveloped in her sweet smell, the little socks and delicate blankets and barely-worn dresses have made me crave another baby. Fortunately for me, 4-month-old SuSu has joined the staff at work, and I get to take her when her momma needs an extra set of hands. She is so sweet and soft and lovely. I just cried with longing and need the first time I got to hold her. But damn, I am tired. No one tells you two is so much more work than one, and having two energy-packed kiddos is lots of joy and lots of effort. Thinking I will never feel another kick makes me ache, but I am slowly coming to terms with the fact three probably would be pushing the limits of what I am physically capable of. Tired Mommy is not a fun and functional mom at my house. Tired Mommy often invites Mean Mommy over to play, and I don't really like her so much.

I think I will have to get my "fix" from SuSu and whatever baby feet I can get hold of. Please don't take offense if I snake out a finger to rub your baby's toes in line at the store or steal long glances from the church nursery doorway. I just can't help myself right now.

Melanie Nicholas lives, loves, works and raises babies in Midland. She and her husband have two uh-mazing children, Parksalo, 4, and Bodacious, 1.