How to Catch a Rabid Fish

You’ve seen video of guys trying to climb Mt. Everest. They freeze their butts off and come close to death. Who doesn’t like a little near-death experience every once in a while.

Like mountain climbing, catching a rabid fish is all in the preparation. You really have to brace yourself and sometimes, while we don’t encourage it, imbibe a lot of liquid courage. Of course, you’ll also need a really sturdy rod and some heavy duty line.

But you’ll also need some creativity and that’s where we come in. Here at Rabid Outdoors we want to provide the best tips possible on how to catch a rabid fish. (Don’t try this at home. You have to go out on the water.)

n Lures. You don’t need no stinkin’ lures. Rabid fish laugh at lures. They send lures running home to their mamas crying.

n Alternate lure. You could try a Cuban cigar and a 12-year-old Scotch, but you run the risk that the rabid fish is a Democrat.

n Alternate lure 2. You could try a spliff and a bottle of red wine, but you run the risk that the rabid fish is a Republican.

n Bait. Don’t go trying any of them little shrimp or worms. A rabid fish will just eat that and then start eyeing you.

n Real bait. A whole chicken comes close, or a picnic ham, or anything large and chewy. (Public service message: Don’t dangle your leg in the water.)

n Best method. Give the rabid fish your credit card. After he gets through shopping and partying, he’ll be totally worn out and you can just shove him into the live well.

Rabid Outdoors is proud to present you with this and other important information. Also, you might check out the Rabid Outdoors website to help you find the right apparel for your catching a Rabid Fish adventure.