Actually, there are only two (count them…one, two) key elements that need to be in place for lesbian couples counseling to both save and vastly improve your relationship.

First, both you and your partner will have to come to the table with an openness to therapy and change.

Second, you’ll need to work with a well qualified couples therapist that specializes in lesbian relationship therapy.

If those two things are in place, I promise you can go from an oh-my-god-my-relationship-is-about-to-fall-apart nightmare to your dream relationship.

Go ahead and let that relief sink in.

And if you want to reach through your screen and give me a virtual Thank You hug, I’ll take it.

Okay. Let’s flesh-out the two factors that lead to an affirmative answer to that question…

How does lesbian couples therapy really work?

1. Show up to therapy as a couple that’s motivated for change

I can tell you, after working as a couples counselor with hundreds of couples over the past 2 decades, it’s become crystal clear that the couples who get better, that fall in love again, are the ones that really embrace therapy and change.

One of the biggest mistakes I see couples making when they come to therapy is that they’re each hoping the therapist will get their partner to change. And when you hang onto that fantasy, couples counseling won’t work.

For lesbian couples therapy to work for you, it’s essential that you wrap your head around the fact that you, too, have some changing to do. Not just your partner.

Don’t freak out! I’m not talking about changing who you are as a person. Or even making huge changes that you can’t possibly sustain.

The changes I’m referring to are usually small. And they are always doable.

But…

They require a heaping tablespoon of your very own motivation.

No kidding. If you aren’t willing to fully show up to therapy, dig deep, and tap into your motivation to change a few things…

Well, I hate to even say it, save yourself the money you’d spend on therapy. You’ll probably need it for a divorce lawyer.

That may sound harsh. But I’m just shooting straight. (Or should I say, I’m shooting gayly forward? ;-))

Back to motivation for change.

I’ve got two questions that will help awaken your motivation.

Ask yourself…

What if nothing changes in my relationship?

Take a minute to answer that question honestly.

I wonder, is the pain of nothing changing (which may likely lead to a break-up) greater than the pain of change?

If so, you’ve just tapped into a well of motivation. Haven’t you?

A second question to help amplify your feeling of motivation is this…

How will you benefit from making the changes that are required of you to improve your partnership? And consider how those changes will benefit the other people you love.

So, one of the two big keys to successful couples therapy is to find the motivation within yourself to show up motivated to become more self-aware, to own your own part in the problems, to see yourself and your partner as a team, and to face your growth edge.

have a working knowledge of the unique clinical issues that lesbian couples face

And that’s a tall order for a straight therapist. Not impossible. But not something that simply appears magically.

Just last week I got a call from a lesbian in her 40’s about scheduling couples counseling. She told me that they had gone to another therapist, but felt completely uncomfortable. Especially after the therapist said, “Well, I know this works for heterosexual couples. And I think it’ll probably work for you, too.”

No. No. No.

Save yourself the heartache and the money. Find a therapist that specializes in working with lesbian couples.

A shortcut to finding such a therapist is to locate a couples counselor that identifies as lesbian or queer.

Problem solved.

So if you’re in the Denver area and you’re looking for a lesbian therapist to help you and your partner turn your relationship around, you’ve landed in the right place.

The therapists at The Lesbian Couples Institute are highly trained couples counselors and we’re part of the lesbian community. Give us a call today if you’re looking for help.

Spann, who is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with more than 20 years of experience, looks forward to working with women who love women.

“We have created a comfortable and professional place for women in same-sex relationships to get the very best relationship help available,” she says. “The counselors here know what it’s like to be in a lesbian relationship. They have the personal and professional knowledge to help couples deal with their communication problems, feel more connected and create a caring, secure partnership.”

Spann says she feels profoundly sad when she sees lesbian relationships crash and burn – especially when so many partnerships can be saved.

She explains that, while her successful practice in Pueblo gave her the chance to help hundreds of straight couples rebuild their relationships, over the years she began to feel “out of alignment.”

“Like many of us, I longed for permission to be open, out, and completely myself,” she says. “I wanted to help my own community of women who are committed to women – offering them the tools they need to create healthy, intimate relationships.”

Joined by her partner, Spann moved to the Denver area in the Summer of 2018 and The Lesbian Couples Institute was born.

Whether you’re married, living together or dating – with or without children in the picture – Spann and her associates are ready to provide the relationship support you may not have been able to find until now.

Spann urges couples not to put themselves through the agony of going to a couples counselor who claims to be LGBTQ-friendly, “but doesn’t understand the U-Haul joke or thinks that one of you is the ‘guy’ in the relationship.”

There’s no need to spend time trying to adapt to a therapist who can’t possibly know what challenges you face at home or in the community, she says. “At LCI, there’s so much you don’t have to explain. You can immediately go to work on the specific issues that matter most to the two of you.”

]]>https://lesbiancouplesinstitute.com/october-2018-press-release/feed/0Become The Happiest Couple You Knowhttps://lesbiancouplesinstitute.com/become-the-happiest-couple-you-know/
https://lesbiancouplesinstitute.com/become-the-happiest-couple-you-know/#respondTue, 18 Sep 2018 21:21:42 +0000https://lesbiancouplesinstitute.com/?p=966Ready to learn how to become the happiest lesbian couple you know? Discover the behaviors that set happy couple apart from unhappy couples. It’s easier than you might think.

]]>Sick and tired of feeling so-so in the relationship happiness department? How would it feel to become the happiest lesbian couple you know?

I’ll tell you— it will feel AWESOME!

Want to know how I can be so sure? Because my partner, Lisa, and I are the happiest couple I know. Our friends tell us that we have the happiest and best relationship they’ve ever seen.

I really want to help you become that happy, mentor couple in your circle.

Amping up on your couple happiness isn’t just a gift for you and your partner. It will actually have a positive impact on your entire circle of friends and the LGBTQ community as a whole.

For a long time I’ve been asking and observing what habits set happy couples apart from unhappy couples. And I’ve discovered some important ways that happy couples behave differently from their unhappy counterparts.

So, if you’re ready to become a happier couple, you’ve just got to start doing the things that’ll move your relationship in that direction.

You can’t think your way to becoming the happiest couple around. You’ll have to pull on your big-girl panties and get into some action.

By the way, a huge bonus is that by doing the things that build up the happiness in your relationship you will also increase your feelings of security and love.

Isn’t that what we all deeply long for? To feel secure and loved.

You and your sweetheart can create a relationship where you both feel deeply secure and loved. And very, very happy.

Do these things to become the happiest lesbian couple you know:

Always put your relationship first

Hug your partner at least twice a day (and hold it till you each relax)

Laugh with your beloved— a lot!

Accept that your girlfriend is going to be a pain in the ass sometimes

Every day, tell your partner something about her that you’re grateful for

Now that you know 30 actions you can take to become the happiest couple you know, I encourage you to infuse them into your own relationship. Try doing them for a month and see if you don’t feel happier.

If you find that you’re feeling entirely too disconnected and hopeless about your relationship to even try to put these ideas into practice, then you probably need some professional help. The counselors here at the Lesbian Couples Institute can help you save your relationship and be happy again. Call us today if you’d like to talk about how we can work together so that you can become a happy couple for good.

]]>https://lesbiancouplesinstitute.com/become-the-happiest-couple-you-know/feed/0The Fun Question Game For Lesbian Date Nighthttps://lesbiancouplesinstitute.com/the-fun-question-game-for-lesbian-date-night/
https://lesbiancouplesinstitute.com/the-fun-question-game-for-lesbian-date-night/#respondMon, 27 Aug 2018 22:32:24 +0000https://lesbiancouplesinstitute.com/?p=862Have you heard about the popular question games for couples? The ones for couples that are on their third date or their hundredth date? You can find dozens of these question games online. But, I started wondering… Where’s the question game for lesbian couples? I searched and couldn’t find one. So I decided to create […]

You can find dozens of these question games online. But, I started wondering…

Where’s the question game for lesbian couples?

I searched and couldn’t find one. So I decided to create it.

If you’ve ever felt the dread of going on a dinner date with your honey because you’re not sure what you’ll talk about, you can now relax and enjoy a long sigh of relief.

No more sitting at the table in awkward silence. Or being bored out of your head because you’re cycling through the same, tired topic for the millionth time.

If you’re ready to have some fun with your partner while deepening your relationship, play this question game for lesbian couples.

Whether you’re on a special date or sitting on your front porch, these questions will help you delight in each other’s company, have a few laughs, and get to know each other better.

Chances are you’re going to be pretty surprised at some of the things you’ll discover about one another.

There’s only one rule for this question game: treat all the responses with respect. That’s it.

Listen with an open mind and heart. And for god’s sake, don’t argue with or judge any of your partner’s answers. Be sure to take turns asking each other questions.

20 Questions: A Game For Lesbian Couples

1. Who’s been your biggest lesbian celebrity crush?
2. What is one thing you hope I really see and understand about you?
3. Where were you and what went through your mind when you found out that the Supreme Court declared same-sex marriage legal in all 50 States on June 26, 2015?
4. What’s one thing I do sexually that you really like?
5. When did you first know you liked girls?
6. What’s your favorite memory of something we’ve done together?
7. Who was the first person you ever came out to and how did they react?
8. What big dream do you most want to pursue?
9. How do I hinder the dreamer in you?
10. Have you ever been the victim of homophobia? Tell me what happened.
11. What do you like best about me?
12. What was the first lesbian-themed movie you ever watched and how did it impact you?
13. Will you please tell me about your first lesbian role model?
14. If we could travel anywhere in the world together, where would that be and why?
15. What’s been your biggest fear about being lesbian, bi, or queer?
16. How do you most aspire to be as a partner to me?
17. What do you remember about the first time you had sex with a woman?
18. If you could hit the rewind button, what part of your life would you want to change?
19. How did you come out to your family?
20. What do you want our legacy as a couple to be?

Now that you’ve gotten your hands on the best question game for lesbian couples, go plan a date night with your sweetie.

If you discover that you just want to avoid spending an evening with your partner at all costs, you may need some couples counseling first. Give us a call if your relationship is in trouble.

]]>https://lesbiancouplesinstitute.com/the-fun-question-game-for-lesbian-date-night/feed/0Tired Of Feeling Disconnected From Your Partner?https://lesbiancouplesinstitute.com/tired-of-feeling-disconnected-from-your-partner/
https://lesbiancouplesinstitute.com/tired-of-feeling-disconnected-from-your-partner/#respondTue, 14 Aug 2018 15:34:41 +0000https://lesbiancouplesinstitute.com/?p=720Are you tired of feeling disconnected from your partner? Discover exactly how to shift your lesbian relationship from disconnected to connected, fast. Get back to having that close connection that you miss.

]]>Want to know how to shift your lesbian relationship from disconnected to connected, fast?

It’s easier than you think.

The key is to tune in to your honey like you probably haven’t in quite a while.

If you’re like me, you might occasionally catch yourself going through the day on auto-pilot. Sometimes (ok, pretty often), I’ll be having dinner with my partner and I’ll suddenly realize that she’s in the middle of a story. It’s like her voice starts to fade-in mid-paragraph, and I realize I missed the whole first part. Yikes!

Then I have to eat crow and ask her, “Babe, could you say that first part again? I missed it.” I can assure you that at that moment, my partner feels dropped. Disconnected. And so do I.

An occasional moment of disconnection is normal and doesn’t ruin couples. But if those moments are chronic and happen all the time…well, it can make you wonder if you’re even in the right relationship.

The solution isn’t to bail, to get out. The fix is to make a commitment to tune-in. And I’m not just talking about listening.

Let’s be honest. Sometimes tuning-in will be really inconvenient. So, it’s going to take intention and effort on your part when you’d rather be zoning-out or doing your own thing.

But if you’re tired of feeling lonely, lean into the part of you that aspires to be more connected. And learn how to shift your relationship from disconnected to connected with these 5 simple strategies:

Attention

You’ve got to turn your attention toward one another to feel connected.

Focusing your attention on your partner will make her feel like she matters to you. And chances are very high, that if you look into her eyes for a few seconds, she’ll return the favor and bring all her attention to you in that moment. Deliberate eye contact is magical.

Tell her you want her to be with you for a little while. Ask if it’s a good time, or if she needs a few minutes to wrap up whatever she’s doing.

Then, when you’re ready to fully pay attention to each other, eliminate all the pesky, connection-zapping distractions. Turn off your phones, shut off the TV, stop ruminating about work, and sink into being present with one another.

Talk, laugh, flirt, be connected.

To linger in the warmth of connection, do this in the morning before you get out of bed, at least once every evening, and right before you go to sleep.

Appreciation

Let your partner know that you appreciate her. Every. Single. Day.

Tell her what you like about her. Let her know what qualities, quirks, and quips of her’s you think are the cat’s meow. Point out the things she does that you’re grateful for. And why.

I’m not kidding! Expressing appreciation and gratitude is gold.

It’s a great way of making deposits into your relationship bank account. Cha-Ching! And when your relationship bank account is sitting pretty, your connection is, too.

Activities

Been hearing about the importance of Date Night?

Well, in my humble opinion, it’s true. And naturally, dates can happen any time of day. Not just at night.

Doing activities together (that you both enjoy) repairs disconnection remarkably well. Especially activities that make plenty of room for conversation.

Of course, this effect is amplified when you combine fun activities with the kind of focused attention and appreciation I just talked about. So off with the phone, and on with affirmations.

Get an even bigger bang for your activities buck by throwing in the strategies of affection and the art of asking. Read on.

Affection

Physical touch is likely the most immediate way to reconnect. It might not be enough to bring on a flood of deep emotional connection. But it sure primes the pump.

If you didn’t grow up in a “touchy-feely” family, this could be a challenge for you. (Just remember, you might have to be inconvenienced a bit in order to tune-in and reconnect.)

If she’s (or you’re) like a rock or an island (and tends to avoid physical closeness), do what my teacher, Stan Tatkin, Ph.D. calls the “catch and release” maneuver. Catch her for a little affection, and then release her with a little nudge to go do her thing.

And don’t forget about the super-reconnection power of sex.

When women have orgasms, we’re flooded with oxytocin: the love drug. This hormone is released post-orgasm, stimulating an intimate bond of trust and empathy. And when two women make love, watch out! The oxytocin is doubled, making twice the intimate connection.

Art Of Asking

Ok, here’s the obligatory part about how communication plays a lead role in feeling connected as a couple.

But instead of boring you with all the guidelines to effective communication, I’m going to cut to the chase.

My mentors, Ellyn Bader, Ph.D. and Peter Pearson, Ph.D. taught me about an often overlooked element of communication that is probably the most essential. And that is: asking questions.

Inquiring. Being curious.

When you and your partner are talking about a difficult topic, wouldn’t it be great if that conversation could end up with both of you feeling more connected than ever? It can!

The trick is to ask her lots of questions when she initiates a tough conversation. This will help you understand your partner’s thoughts, feelings, and desires better. And it will actually help her have a deeper understanding of herself. That’s a win-win.

Another time to ask powerful questions is when you’re just hanging out, or on date night. Thoughtful questions will make your time together less boring, more meaningful, and more intimately connected.

Put effort into mastering the art of asking good questions. It’s an advanced strategy to quickly move you from disconnected to reconnected with your sweetheart.

I hope you’ll try all these strategies if you’re feeling lonely and want to know how to shift your lesbian relationship from disconnected to connected. Chances are your partner’s feeling disconnected, too. So you’ll be giving her and yourself the gift of reconnection.

If you’re feeling really stuck, and can’t seem to rekindle any connection on your own, I hope you won’t throw in the towel.

The couples counselors at the Lesbian Couples Institute are experts at helping couples reconnect even if you’ve fallen out of love. We’d love to help you feel deeply connected again.