Tony Soprano: Tanenbaum. Right. But on your application to Columbia, you didn't check Jewish did you?

Noah Tannenbaum: No. They can't ask about religious affiliation.

Tony Soprano: Oh, right...right...o' course. What'd you check?

Noah Tannenbaum: African American.

Tony Soprano: So we do understand each other; you're a ditsoon.

Noah Tannenbaum: Excuse me?

Tony Soprano: Charcoal Briquette...a mulignan.

Noah Tannenbaum: What's your problem?

Tony Soprano: I think you know what my problem is. You see your little friend up there. She didn't do you any favors bringing you into this house. Now I dunno what the fuck she was thinkin', we'll get to that later. See I got business associates who are black and they don't want my son with their daughters and I don't want their sons with mine.

Noah Tannenbaum: Fuck you!

Tony Soprano: See, that's the kind o' thing I'm hopin' to avoid. So when my little girl comes down the stairs, you're gonna say how nice it was to meet me, then you're gonna go drop her off at school and you're gonna say Goodbye.

Tony Soprano: That's too bad, I said lunch meet. You want a drink? Lose the glasses. I'm gonna say a few things. I'm gonna say some bad words. You're just gonna have to deal with it. Now I know what you're thinkin', you're thinkin' I clipped your uncle. On the one hand, you'd be a shithead to believe me when I told you I didn't do it. But I didn't. Now I got some bad news for you. Look at me. Look at me. Your uncle was a rat.

Jackie Aprile, Jr: No fuckin' way.

Tony Soprano: Sit down. Sit down. Sit the fuck down. Your uncle was a rat and now he's in the witness protection program.

Jackie Aprile, Jr: That's my father's brother you're talkin' about.

Tony Soprano: Jackie, I'm a member of your family almost...you think I'm the only one that knows this about Richie, you ask anybody. This hurt all of us.

Jackie Aprile, Jr: Jesus Christ.

Tony Soprano: Your dad and me, you know how close we were? He never wanted this for you. He wanted you to be a doctor.

Jackie Aprile, Jr: Give me a fuckin' break!

Tony Soprano: Let me tell you something...besides the money, which there is a shitload of, doctor's a very powerful position.

Jackie Aprile, Jr: I'm no doctor. You know how hard you have to work to get your MD? How many years it takes? I was even thinkin' maybe osteopathy...but I don't think I have the grades for that even.

Tony Soprano: What? You're not gonna drop out of Rutgers, are ya?

Jackie Aprile, Jr: No, but those fuckin' Pre-Med courses almost killed me. I only did it 'cuz my dad was sick.

Tony Soprano: But you should know, he never wanted this life for you, and I'll tell you somethin', I don't want it for my son either.

Ralph Cifaretto: I have to start taking care of your for the baby. If it's a boy, we'll name him Ralph after me. If it's a girl, we'll name her Tracee after you, this way she can grow up to be a cock-sucking slob just like her mother.

Ralph Cifaretto: The money I put in his pocket from construction alone, he should hit his knees, this prick. What? You think I'm afraid of that fat fuck? No offense. (to Vito Spatafore) I could see if it was his daughter or a niece of his, but all this over some dead whore. (whore pronounced hooah)

Paulie Walnuts: Who gives a shit. Keep diggin'. Not that it matters now. We didn't come ta your house ta kill ya! That mouth o' yours. You gotta learn to shut the fuck up.

Christopher Moltisanti: So how far is it to Atlantic City? (Valery swings the shovel right into Chris's head and slams him hard. Then he hits Paulie with the other end of the shovel right in his stomach and runs off.)

Christopher Moltisanti: I think he's dyin'.

Paulie Walnuts: Must've cracked his windpipe. That's it fer him.

Christopher Moltisanti: What, are you a fuckin' doctor now? What're we gonna do?

Gloria Trillo: Look, I'm not back in ten minutes, they call the cops, standard operating procedure.

Patsy Parisi: (pulls out his gun) Here's some standard operating procedure. Stay the fuck away from Tony Soprano, shut the fuck up and listen. It's over. Capice? Over and done. You call, or go anywhere near him or his family and they'll be scraping your nipples off these fine leather seats. And here's the point to remember: my face is the last one you'll see, not Tony's...we understand each other? It won't be cinematic.

Ralph Cifaretto: There was this old, old moustache named Feech La Manna. Now what the hell Feech meant, who the fuck knows, but he was made on the other side, so you know, he was an original.

Army of One

Tony Soprano: I tell ya one thing though, I'm not gonna make the same mistake with AJ. He got expelled. Him we're sendin' to military school.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You know, we never discussed exactly what you want for your children.

Tony Soprano: I don't want 'em to end up in Boonton with their face blown off...

Kelli Aprile: My brother's whole stupid pathetic dream was to follow in our father's footsteps. What, I got to paint a picture? He was killed by some fat fuck in see-through socks. Take your pick, they all look alike.

Paulie Walnuts: You're late.

Ralph Cifaretto: Well, tomorrow I could be on time, but you'll be stupid forever.

Paulie Walnuts: I can't believe this!

Ralph Cifaretto: Why not? Last year, you believed a flyin' saucer was over East Rutherford.

Carmela Soprano: You wanna train him to be a professional killer?

Tony Soprano: Oh will you stop! They're soldiers. And the United States Army hardly ever goes to war anymore.

Carmela Soprano: They were marching with rifles, Tony.

Tony Soprano: The barrels are plugged! They're symbolic!

Carmela Soprano: Symbolic of what?

Tony Soprano: Respect!

Carmela Soprano: He will be subjected to the discipline of kids hardly older than himself. Does that seem smart? Boys his age still kill frogs and small animals.

Tony Soprano: The Cusamano's Binky? The cherry bomb with the nails in it, you think it was AJ?

Carmela Soprano: No, that is what I'm trying to tell you. He is still a child. He's a normal child. He's made some mistakes. God knows, he's got a shitload to learn about life. That does not mean that I'm gonna let you send him to the type of school whose whole reason for being is to make him follow orders by instilling fear.

Tony Soprano: He thinks the world owes him a fuckin' livin'.

Carmela Soprano: What could've given him that bizarre idea?

Tony Soprano: We tried it your way for fifteen years now, with Berry Brazel to validatin' his feelings and that fuckin' school did the same thing and what a surprise. He thinks the world runs on his feelings! Well, he's gonna go learn to be a man.