Following my Heart in lieu of mainstream society

Scanner Extraordinare

Thank God for children! They are the best teachers. My oldest recently taught me that I am a scanner.

I used to think something was wrong with me because I would cringe inwardly as a child, when I thought of working somewhere for 10+ years. As soon as I get a skill to the point where I don’t have to think, I’m bored and don’t want to do it any longer.

I don’t like the idea of working for someone. If they want me there from 9-5, what if there’s something I want to do at 3? In past jobs, I always finished my work too quickly and couldn’t understand why I couldn’t leave. I literally had nothing to do. I’ve quit a few of those jobs.

I don’t like doing just one thing. It drives me nuts. I am perfectly happy singing, taking on the occasional doula client, writing, acting, making products, cooking and baking, encapsulating placentas, encouraging others, unschooling, reading several books at once, speaking publicly, etc, and I do them all very well. Ask me to pick one, I can’t. I want it all. What’s the point in having “cake” and not being able to eat it too? That’s just stupid. It’s gonna rot and grow stinking mold!

I used to wonder if I was somehow lazy. No, I don’t leave things undone. On the contrary, I don’t even typically start things I can’t see myself finishing. I just could never see myself having the perseverance to say, be in a choir for 30 years- a job either. I know I’m not lazy but I felt I was lacking something I saw in others that enabled them to zone into that one thing- and stay there. Um… no. I can’t.

Even having felt inept in the perseverance department, I still have to follow my heart. I can’t be bothered with people’s opinions about what I do or don’t do. I’ve always been that way. I’m just glad to know I do have what it takes to focus, just not only on one thing, and it’s more than OK. It’s an exceptional gift.