Greg Quinlan

By D'Anne Witkowski

Creep Of The Week

Have you been feeling a little less gay than usual this month? Don't worry, you're not alone. Ever since the Family Research Council declared July "Ex-Gay Pride Month," it's just so damn hard to stay gay these days.

This exciting month of denial and despair will culminate with a July 31 dinner in Washington D.C. that will definitely be the place to see and be seen if you hate your gay self and/or other gays. For the low, low price of $150 you can be treated to the silver-tongued insanity of speakers like Greg Quinlan, the president of Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays (PFOX).

Wayne Besen, founder of Truth Wins Out, which has been ferreting out "ex-gay" bullshit for years, described Quinlan in 2008 as "one of the most insufferable, dishonest and phony anti-gay zealots in the nation." Now that's a ringing endorsement!

But that was years ago! Perhaps Quinlan has become an ex-phony anti-gay guy (a.k.a. "X-PhAG").

Ha ha. Nope.

On July 2, Quinlan took to right-wing radio to declare that the Supreme Court justices who overturned the Defense of Marriage Act were "five black-robed Nazis." He then "outted" Justices Anthony Kennedy and Elena Kagan as gay and said that they ruled on the case in order to satisfy "their own lusts." No word on the secret-homo status of Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Stephen Breyer, and Sonia Sotomayor who also voted against DOMA.

Quinlan then called President Barack Obama "a down-low President," because obviously you can't be in favor of civil rights for LGBT people unless you are one of them.

This is not the first time a right-wing flapping mouth has claimed that Obama is a gay. Evangelical pastor Scott Lively has done plenty of research on this issue and has a photo of Obama sitting next to a guy on the couch so, BAM! Proof.

So now that the Gay Gestapo has taken over the White House and the Supreme Court, what's next? Oh, you know, just the destruction of both church and state.

"What's in the way of us having sex with who you want to have it, no matter how old they are, any way we want to have it? It's the church," Quinlan says.

"The Constitution of the United States is a Christian document," Quinlan continues, "so what stands in the way? It's the Constitution of the United States."

Got it? So gays must get rid of both religion and law in order to keep the sex party going. Because there ain't no party like a gay sex party because a gay sex party don't stop. Unless, of course, Jesus and that cartoon version of the Constitution from School House Rocks are being cock-blockers.

"And in order to change ... the mightiest government that ever existed because it's founded on God Almighty's truth and principles," Quinlan continues, "is to destroy it so they can do what they want to do, have sex the way they want to have it and the only way they can do that is to shut us up."

And that, Quinlan concludes, leads us to Nazi Germany and pedophilia because, duh.

You can't make shit like this up. $150 is starting to seem like a bargain for this caliber of entertainment. Then again, maybe Quinlan should do himself and the rest of the world a favor and, well, shut up.