When Final Decisions Abate the Worry Factor

I have been dealing with many serious issues of late. I am not talking about my work life or social
life (although these two areas have been affected). I am speaking out about what can occur in
life that is beyond the routine.

At present, I am currently involved in four lawsuits. Yes, four.
The first two were weird enough.
It is a rare thing to have to retain a lawyer (it was for me,
anyway). I am a law-abiding citizen and
a strident rule-follower. I stop for a
count of three at every stop sign and I do not lie, cheat or steal. I report all required information on my
taxes.

Add This Infographic to Your Website or Blog With This Code:

I was in a severe car accident over two years ago. Needless to say, due to this accident, I have
needed to hire two lawyers-one for property damage to the car and one for
personal injury. After over two years,
not one dime has been paid out for the car or the physical damages. I have never in my life been in such debt.

The accident brought out in full force emotional setbacks (it
set off a tireless and steady stream of PTSD symptoms), physical set-backs (nerve
damage, concussion, back and neck) and financial. Needless to say, I had an enormously
difficult and uphill battle for the first two years tending to these aspects,
never mind the daily physical and occupational therapy I still currently need
to do. It has required over two years
for me to comprehend fully that "fairness" and "justice" are two separate
entities.

In the middle of my attention to these two lawsuits (about a
year and seven months into the fallout from the car accident), a very dear
friend committed suicide. That process
of acceptance was its own difficulty... and then within two months I volunteered
to be the administrator c.t.a. (another name for Executor) of her estate. I also signed on to be the Power of Attorney
for her husband who is 81 years old and in a rehab/nursing facility. Okay, a lot to take on (I have never done
this sort of thing before); but, as nobody else was stepping forward to handle
the affairs of the estate, and the husband was flailing, I decided that even
though I am not rocket-scientist, I am organized, diligent and
conscientious.

There are now two more lawsuits regarding the estate. That is why I am now in the bizarre world of
four lawsuits simultaneously.

The entirety of my reasoning for taking on the
responsibility of my friend's affairs as well as her husbands was for me to
honor my friend. I wanted to do right by
her. Even in death, my friendship mantra
of "I have your back" did not leave me.
I do not regret my decisions.

Oddly, the initial two lawsuits informed me well for the
next two. By the time the second two
lawsuits came calling, I was in awareness of the concept of "fairness" as well
as judicial procedure.

I am currently dealing with two lawsuits coming to head at
the same time. Over the last 24 hours, I
have needed to make some very big decisions regarding matters of law, strategy,
and what I will and will not accept for settlement purposes. I also have a meeting tomorrow morning
regarding the declining health of the husband.
THAT puts perspective on many issues I am facing (particularly the
"bullying" and standing up for what is right.)
Life is too short and precious to deal with all the legal bits and
pieces constantly being thrown about. I
have needed to keep perspective, and this has been a challenge.

Add This Infographic to Your Website or Blog With This Code:

I am a bit surprised with myself. I have been in a continual learning curve of
keeping emotional balance with the business/legal aspects. I have known that I can not logically be
attached to the outcome of any of these lawsuits. I can do my best, cross the t's and dot the
i's, but this is only part of the picture.
Once I have completed my due diligence, I needed to release my hold
on the outcome. Easier said than
done. Allowing another to be in control
is very hard for me. Even if the person
in control is a lawyer.

I have struggled with this concept for over two years. Too much injustice. Too many people in positions of "authority
and power" due to their wealth and ability to have their lawyers do the work
for them. I have been threatened and
lied to. There is so much documentation
to provide and all of it necessary to be accurate and up-to-date. Lawyers are looking to me to settle, and I
have decided to say, no, thank you. I
contemplated it, and was even ready to do so; now that push has come to shove,
frankly, I do not want to be shoved. I
may be one small person in this world, but I am a person who is no longer
willing to settle-for second or third or fourth best, just to put an end to my
worry and concern. I know now I can
handle the outcome.

The point of me sharing all this comes down to the concept
of worry versus decisions. I have chosen
to make decisions based on my own integrity.
I spent one day of this weekend in quiet as I had to decide to "put up
or shut up" in both of these cases. I
decided to put up and stand tall. I
refuse to be intimidated by big shot lawyers on the other side of the lawsuits.

The biggest lesson I will carry into the weeks ahead as I
participate at trial is that win or lose, I have done my absolute best, and
then some. I will speak the truth for
myself as well as my friend who can no longer speak for herself. Settling for less than who I am is no longer
who I am. In the end, my integrity not
to sell out on myself or my friend trumps all the threats. What matters is that two years from now, I
will know I stood up for wrongs committed and did not back down. I did not settle for less than my own
integrity.

This is still only the beginning, and I know that. I made the decision to stand up for myself a
few months ago; now that it is staring me in the face, I needed a mini-time out
to check-in with myself. The good news
for me, anyway, is that I have held to my initial decisions, and I have asked
friends to support me as I move forward so I do not lose my balance.

Just by simply making the decision to move forward full-on,
I have abated the worry factor about all the "what ifs." Such "what ifs" no longer constitute how I
chose to move forward on these lawsuits.
I can not control the "what ifs"; I can only control my response. I have weighed the facts and come out with an
informed decision. I chose to respond,
rather than react, to the outcomes. The
"what ifs" will always be there; whether or not I allow them to rule my
decisions is something else altogether.
What matters to me is how I will feel several years from now about my
decisions. Selling out is not going to
sit well, that much I know for sure.