Yeah...I can't say I'm very familiar with this feeling either. But today two days ago (I tend to procrastinate), I left my house with a spring in my step and a smile on my face. Okay you caught me. That was an exaggeration. It would have been more accurate to say that I left my house without dragging my feet and having dread written all over my face. I should have known from that very moment that Monday was going to suck - I mean, surely the absence of impending doom ahead was a sure sign that I was being overcompensated for the horrible godforsaken day that awaited me.

So if you don't already know guys, NEWSFLASH, I'M SINGLE. For quite a long time now. I feel that it is important to point this out because I still get questions asking me how XXX is doing. Well guys, I don't know how much more blatant I must be in announcing my status. I mean, I took all the necessary steps didn't I?

I changed my Facebook relationship status.

I know, I know. I need to update my "Basic Information" and add in my religious views, political views, and the languages I speak. But you know, I'm just afriad that all my friends will be scared off after knowing that I'm a closet die-hard polyglot who's fluent in seventeen languages from Czech to Cantonese, from Mandarin to Mongolian, and from Swahili to Singlish. Yup. One of my many hidden talents.

But I digress. The point is I didn't even cheat. I didn't hide it like many people would. It says "Single".

I did a blog post about my Single status.

You can read it here. I personally find it very enlightening and tailored especially for clueless dorks with no EQ.

There has been a lack of postings of a boyfriend on my social media channels.

And that's not because I have a secret boyfriend okay. It's really because I have NO BOYFRIEND. Seriously, the closest thing I have to a boyfriend, is Vanessa Frances Paul. And no, just because her surname is "Paul" does not make her a boy.

Nessie and me just before Lady Gaga's Born This Way concert last year.

Anyway, I was scrolling through Instagram on the MRT when I saw this post by Chengwei.

He aptly captioned this screenshot "#thingssinglepeoplehatebeingasked".

The "Singles" community is a very sad one indeed. We are faced with a plethora of problems that no blogpost can adequately address. But, I'm going to try to highlight two of the more irritating pressing issues* bothering the "Singles" society.

*Selected issues chosen from a straw poll conducted by yours truly. Poll conducted was representative of the community, spanning across different races (Indian and Chinese), religions (Catholic and Free Thinker) and genders (Male and Female).

Or! You could decide to be hardworking and ask some single friend out for dinner. SURE you might hit it off. SURE you might have a nice time. And SURE you might realise that both of you are soulmates, get attached, get hitched, get a nice 5-room BTO in Clementi and raise 2.1 children under the Baby Bonus Scheme.

Don't kid yourself. The odds of that happening are probably I don't know, one is seventy-six million perhaps.

A more likely scenario would be that the both of you would engage in overly-polite awkward conversation involving mandatory questions like "How's life?", "How's work?" and "What are you doing these days?". True story.

So what do you do? Do you buy the clothes for the sake of buying something? Or do you just go home sad-faced and empty-handed? The answer is clear. Go home. The pain of going home empty-handed after a day's worth of shopping is nothing compared to the memes that can be generated from your bad fashion choices.

Who smile at you creepily throughout dinner, leaving you torn between wanting to punch their teeth in and running for dear life.

Seriously, with such choices available, us singles would rather go home single and alone à la the empty-handed shopping trip of the dating world than be romantically associated with any one of them thanks.

Due to reasons unbeknownst to man, this guy chose to marry someone else and decided to have a kid with her instead of settling down with me. This is one of the reasons why I am single by choice. Not my choice, but his.

And then of course, there's d - I want to be a hermit when I grow up.

Some of us singles do aspire to be hermits, live a life of solitude and do without the pains of being in any sort of relationship. We refer to this subset of single people as "The Wise Ones".

So your single friend who might be interested in you asks you out for a movie/ dinner/ drinks. If you're lucky that is. I know of a conversation with a crazy bugger which went something like this:

"Do you like Hello Kitty?" "No, not at all.""Oh but there's a Hello Kitty Convention in town! You should go! I have tickets, shall we go together?

But you know, sometimes even if you do want to go to a Hello Kitty Convention, you've sadly already made plans with some other friends/ your hairdresser/ your bed. So you decline. But apparently, because you have no gf/bf, you are expected to jump at the chance to go out with another single person. I really don't understand why.

So you may receive replies like this:

"Why are you so boring?"
(I'm not - I am just not free.)"Wah lao, pangseh again."
(Did not, we didn't make plans for me to pangseh you with in the first place.)"Make me wait for you for nothing."
(I did not ask you to wait. I was sleeping and you decided to wait.)

Case in point -

Anyway, seriously, who died and made it mandatory for us to go out with you just because we are of the same relationship status, no matter how ludicrous/ inconvenient/ unappealling the invitation sounds? Please some people must really get a clue.

ANYWAY. What I am trying to say, is that, us single people have it tough. It's really sad that we have to deal with all these "issues" thrown upon us by external forces when we already have enough problems as it is. You know, not having a go-to person to watch movies with, eat brunch with, bitch to at the end of the day....

And on that note, I'd like to end off my post with two good Flo Rida songs which have nothing to do with the angst of singlehood. Because actually, I think being single is good apart from these random people who come and insist on trying to mess your life up.

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comments

Hello!!First off, I wanted to say you have a really interesting blog/life/viewpoints. Reading through your blogposts I often find myself thinking "How much time and research do you put into just one blog post", hahaha

Well anyway, reading this post got me thinking, cause I have been single for quite some time too. I guess I've sort of gotten used to it. I think you made quite a relevant point about what's out there. I often find that there is no one who can really connect with me and its no use going into a relationship for the sake of doing so.

Just to end off, I really like your sense of humour! haha, and all the best to you :)