Some of you may recall that RWD initiated a 'project' some time ago to attempt to provide guidelines of conduct for Men involved in this pursuit. After significant time and effort, and a few disruptions along the way which stalled publication, the Men's Code of Conduct is now ready for release.

When
a Western man travels to the FSU, he will encounter a culture that
differs from his culture in remarkable ways. Even the
mentality of FSU
women is not the same as that of Western women.

As with anything, perception is more
important than reality. Few FSU women have much experience
with
meeting and dating Western men. They will judge men largely
based on
the norms of their society and be influenced by their history with FSU
men, all filtered through their hopes and aspirations. Western
men
will likely do the same.

In addition, men and women will enter
this with preconceived misperceptions; e. g. a western man frequently
will discover that good FSU women are not low-hanging fruit ready to be
picked, and they can be more sophisticated and educated than
him.

The
cultural differences and misperceptions can allow and even promote
cross-cultural misunderstandings, sometimes to the point of frustrating
if not ending what could have been a compatible relationship.

This
document presents a set of guidelines for men’s behavior when
dating
FSU women. Essentially, it is a partial list of the
do’s and do
not’s. It should help a well-intentioned man not
make a fool of
himself or unknowingly offend a woman. Taken further, these
guidelines
should place the man in a more positive light before women.

Development
of Guidelines

A
committee was formed to develop a proposed set of guidelines for
presentation to RWD at large. The committee members are as
follows:

Gator (Committee Lead)

BillyB

Daveman

KenC

Kuna

Kvinna

Lily

SANDRO43

ScottinCrimea

The
formation of the committee fomented much spirited debate, and at that
time several RWD members suggested particular guidelines. To
supplement this, members of Anti-date were surveyed about the types of
disrespectful behavior for which some guidelines were
needed. In
addition, marriage agencies were surveyed about their ideas. The
questions and responses from Antidate is attached as an Appendix to
this report.

The
many suggestions were analyzed, compiled along common themes, and
reworked in a common style to yield the proposed set of guidelines.

Objective
of Guidelines

The
guidelines essentially are about respect - respecting the women and
respecting yourself. Respect is very important to FSU women.

If
a man shows respect, he may just earn her respect and eventually the
trust that she needs to believe in him and to give up her family,
friends, country and job to follow him to a foreign land.

Target
Audience

Men
with serious intentions and who are educating themselves about the
pursuit should find the guidelines beneficial. The guidelines
will
not stop reprobates such as married guys who bed young FSU girls
with false promises of marriage. Nor will it help the
clueless. Nevertheless, the guidelines should steer the
majority of men in a more
positive direction.

Enforcement

These are guidelines; they are informative. Enforcement is
well beyond their purview.

Nevertheless,
the guidelines will be enforced - indirectly. Namely, if you disrespect
a FSU woman, be prepared for a severe mental beating or for her to tell
you “goodbye forever.” It will come
quickly, with little or no
warning, and what she decides will likely not be reversible.

What
about the men who purposefully deceive women merely for
sex? An
informed competent woman can spot the bad men and avoid
them. Reputable agencies can detect suspect behavior and step
in. And if a
man slips past these defenses, there are initiatives such as
Anti-date’s blacklist.

GUIDELINES

During
Correspondence:

Be honest by using current photographs and telling the
truth about
height, weight, criminal record and other personal details that should
be
disclosed before meeting.

Be yourself – do not pretend to be someone you
are not.

Learn proper etiquette, and educate yourself to be aware of
the customs and culture of the locations you're visiting.

Do not send sexually explicit information or photographs to
a lady without her explicit request/consent to receive them.

When Meeting:

Be a gentleman in all respects.

Accept financial responsibility for dates, and expect
nothing in return for dates or gifts given.

Practice good hygiene and show respect by the way you
present and dress yourself in public places.

Respect a lady's decision if she says she
doesn’t wish to continue your relationship and do not defame
her
for such decisions.

After meeting,
and/or as the Relationship Develops:

Always show discretion and protect a lady's privacy and
integrity.

Exercise great care and consideration in any decision to
post the photo of a lady on the internet.

Don’t discuss sexual relationships on any public
web site.

As the relationship develops, disclose all pertinent
information such
as financial status, job description and security, housing situation,
health issues including any diseases you may be afflicted with,
legacy issues like children and alimony. A gentleman should
be open to
discussing previous marriages, engagements and de-facto relationships,
including when and why they ended if the lady asks.

DISCUSSION
OF GUIDELINES

During
Correspondence

When
corresponding with a lady it's important to be honest and truthful
about yourself. Use current photographs and tell the truth
about
height, weight, criminal record and other personal details,
particularly your current circumstances and your intentions. It not
only shows respect for the lady, her time and emotions, but it is also
good risk mitigation for you. Some men may be tempted to
embellish
their personal attributes, but doing so is to mislead the lady and
increase your risk for rejection when a meeting does take place.

Before
you travel it's wise to educate yourself on the customs, culture and
proper etiquette of the places you'll visit. Learn proper
etiquette. This will ensure you make the best of your time in
a foreign country
and reduce your risk of making an innocent, but sometimes terminal,
faux pas.

Simple things like making a joke about a lady's city
or country might be enough for her to reject you without you even
knowing it. Understanding her culture and her country's history will
almost certainly endear you to the lady as well.

Assume nothing about ladies from the FSU and don't think or, even
worse, tell her that she's expected to act in a certain way based on
comments read from an internet website or some purported
"How-To" guidebooks. Keep an open mind.

Do not send
sexually explicit information or photographs to a lady without her
explicit request/consent to receive them. Whilst this may be the most
obvious
piece of advice you'll ever hear it still needs to be
said. It's
surprising that a common complaint from ladies that are seeking
international marriage is that they frequently receive sexually
explicit
material from men they have never met. Russian women are
naturally
passionate and expressive to their partners, but most are conservative
and reserved before meeting.

When Meeting

Be
a gentleman in all respects. Being a gentleman comes with many
obligations. It's not just opening doors or taking a lady's
hand as
she alights from a car. It includes taking responsibility for
all of
the masculine duties and showing a lady the ultimate in respect and
care.

Gentlemanly behavior isn't an option with most FSUW. There is
an expectation that you will be decisive, attentive and
well-mannered at all times.

A gentleman should accept financial
responsibility for dates, and expect nothing in return for dates or
gifts given. If you invite a lady to dinner be prepared to
happily pay
for the bill without question or expectation of any returned favors by
the lady. A FSU man would almost always pay the costs of a
date and
western men dating in FSU should do no less.

Paying for a date
doesn't mean you should expect any privileges or favors, but often a
lady will make her own contributions later on through special things
she will do for her man. Some of these things might appear to have a
low financial cost to you but may be of significant personal value to
her.

If you are taking responsibility for arranging dating
activities, you will be the one to set the pace of the expenditure. A
man should never outspend his capacity but he should understand there
is an expectation that he will not rely on a lady to pay half the costs.

Practice
good hygiene and show respect by the way you present and dress yourself
in public places. A FSUW may see bad hygiene as a sign of
disrespect
so a man should always ensure he is presented at his best when dating
in FSU. Being freshly showered with clean teeth and clothes
are
obvious matters but a man should also be aware of his clothing style in
FSU countries.

Whilst you will read of men who feel shorts and
bright colors are acceptable in summer the majority might suggest that
conservative clothing is the better option. Darker colored clothing is
common for men in FSU and on more formal occasions it would be
impressive to be dressed in a suit even with an open neck shirt and no
tie. A FSUW wants to be proud of her man and dress standards
definitely have an impact on social status and public
perception. Pay
particular attention to your shoes and never wear stained or heavily
worn clothing.

Always practice safe sex to prevent Sexually Transmitted Diseases
(STD's) or unplanned pregnancy. Whilst safe sex
is highly important for the prevention of sexually-transmitted diseases
men should also consider the significant hardship a lady may endure in
the event of an unplanned pregnancy. The use of contraceptives
may not
be in the front of the mind for some FSU ladies who are so willing to
trust you, so the man should take the initiative, ensure he is aware of
all possible eventualities and be respectful of the obligations that
come with his actions. At the beginning of a relationship,
this will
make the woman feel safe and should impress her that you are not
self-centered, that you are dependable, and that she can trust you.

Respect
a lady's decision if she decides she doesn't wish to continue your
relationship and do not defame her for such decisions. If a
lady
decides she sees no future in the relationship a man must accept her
decision without resorting to slander or degradation of a ladies
character. Some men have been known to slander a lady on public
websites when a relationship ends without deeply considering the
reasons for, and events leading to such a decision.

Just as we
would expect mature conduct at the end of a relationship a man should
realize that at all times a lady has the right to choose her own
destiny. A relationship ending early is more preferable to one
that
ends when there are greater legal and social obligations in place.

After meeting,
and/or as the Relationship Develops

Always
show discretion and protect a lady's privacy and
integrity. Discretion
and privacy are tantamount to trust for many FSU women. Even if a
relationship does not materialize from a meeting, a gentleman would
never slander a lady publicly or malign her integrity without proven
facts of misconduct. Always be conscious of any information you
publish to a public domain and assume the subject of discussion will be
seen by thousands of people, including the lady.

Publishing photos of an FSU lady that you meet when visiting the FSU
can be educational, yet any photo should meet the following
criteria: the photo and associated narrative is respectful of
the
lady and could not be used to ridicule or harass the lady, no private
information is provided, and the lady either consented to the
publishing of her photo or it is reasonable to assume she
would
have given consent.

Don't discuss your sexual relationships on any public web site. Any
discussion of sexual engagements on a public website will be seen as
abhorrent, not only to the lady involved but to many known and
anonymous people on the internet. If the temptation ever arises a man
should refer to earlier clauses in this Code of Conduct relating to
gentlemanly behavior and the obligations of every man who seeks a long
term relationship in FSU.

As the relationship develops, a man
should disclose all pertinent information such as financial status, job
description and security, housing situation, health issues including
any diseases you may be afflicted with or legacy issues like
children and alimony.

Be aware that many FSUW would prefer not
to discuss your previous relationships, but if you are questioned you
should be honest and forthright, without slandering your former
partner(s). If the lady asks, these would include previous marriages,
engagements and de-facto relationships, including when they ended and
why.

Sometimes
it's not appropriate or necessary to discuss intimate matters
very
early in a relationship, but as a relationship evolves a man should be
open to discussing all personal matters with his
partner. As in early correspondence, it's important
to be honest with a lady
because any embellishment or exaggerations of your personal situation
can lead to disappointment or even failure before
or after marriage.

APPENDIX 'A'
QUESTIONS AND RESPONSES TO/FROM ANTIDATE

Please list up to 5
behaviors which a man can have which will cause you to immediately want
to end relations?

When
my finances are low and i feel sad about it and my man appears in new
clothes while declaring that he has no or very-very-very little money.

When a man says he can't go on vacation together,
cancells it but goes there alone hiding from me.

Telling lies, greedyness, self-neglect, unintelligence,
laziness.

Beeing
greedy, control-freak (being in control of my life), paying attention
to other girls in my presence and while i'm not around.

Please list up to 5
behaviors western men sometimes have which you think are rude?

Statements
like "you should learn English better because all you're trying to say
has no sence at all" (and they can not say even two russian words
themselves).

Jokes about premenstrual syndrom, climax etc.

When
showing disrespect towards my home land or towards russians, stressing
that russians is a second class nationality, when showing absolutely no
knowledge of geography.

Disrespect towards women in general,
critisizing my country, showing no good manners, detailed description
of their ex-wives or girlfriends.

He thinks he's joking while i think he's just being rude.

Talks
from the position of strength (here're my condition, put up with it),
warning "i was just scammed so i'm not going to send any money to you"
(in a second letter).

Discredit, sexual harassment in pubic, sex talks on early
stages of correspondence, acting differently from what was being told.

Sex-talks, being a control-freak.

Being greedy.

Being
greedy, constant talks about their exes, paying attention to other
women in my presence, comments on level of my English, disrespect for
Russia, russian traditions and russian people.

Dividing the property into "mine and not mine".

Please list up to 5
habits western men may have which you think are annoying?

Don't
know if it's a habbit of western men or i just met such people... When
going to a restaurant a man says he's not hungry. Why then did we come
there? And what should i do if i don't want to eat alone - just shy
about it? May be they go to the restaurants in the west just to talk, i
don't know...

Being a snob, greedy, mercantile, liar.

He doesn't listen to my arguments (in a discussion) and
is not going to.

Blow
one's nose loudly, fart in public places (talking about germans), drink
too much beer in pubs and after sing songs loudly, bad behaviour while
being abroad, overtalk.

Misha we have a saying in Russia "Teach a child while he can lie down across the bed" It means if a man did not adopt good manners when he was young, it will be difficult for him to understand what the good manners are and to teach him when he is adult.

Then again, the constant referral to men being "greedy" makes me wonder how much "generosity" it will take to have the women overlook these shortcomings :evil:

Agree. Every woman has her own understanding of a man's generosity, and some woman easily can put a man in her black list "the greedy men" if he did not buy her a Versace dress after one day he spent with her or he did not invite her for dinner in the most expensive restaurant.

The guidelines essentially are about respect - respecting the women and respecting yourself. Respect is very important to FSU women.

If a man shows respect, he may just earn her respect and eventually the trust that she needs to believe in him and to give up her family, friends, country and job to follow him to a foreign land.

Respect is important for any woman from any country. All your level of respect will be displayed through your communication with a woman/women in any situation, including correspondence and even open forums. You should take into account that some women who are involved in dating also can read and participate in the forums

There are women who don't care what happened in your past and most likely they will not question your past relationships, but there also are women who would like to know a man better before to link their destiny to him. Therefore as I already have written:

any man should expect there will be many questions from a woman whom he dates and tries to build a relationship, doesn't matter where she is from, to him "why?" and he should also expect to hear her opinions on his answers or his story. And any woman will make her own conclusions and decision on the base how the man reacts, gives his story, his answers and able to listen and perceive her comments, especially with some criticism, and her further questions that can even tickle his self-esteem and pride. And if the man can only fall into frustration firing on her with his insults and accusation of arrogance, ignorance, intolerance, idiotic mentality and so on... sorry, he is not ready to date any woman.

And a good notice from Blues Fairy for men to remember during correspondence and meeting

Agree. Every woman has her own understanding of a man's generosity, and some woman easily can put a man in her black list "the greedy men" if he did not buy her a Versace dress after one day he spent with her or he did not invite her for dinner in the most expensive restaurant.

Ain't that the truth :evil: According to the AD standards, I would have been the prince, nay the king of greedy I did not buy my wife a present for months, did not take her out to any restaurants, did not really spend much money at all to be honest :angel: Somehow we still managed to get married and have been together now for close to three years

Ain't that the truth :evil: According to the AD standards, I would have been the prince, nay the king of greedy I did not buy my wife a present for months, did not take her out to any restaurants, did not really spend much money at all to be honest :angel: Somehow we still managed to get married and have been together now for close to three years

>>According to the AD standards<<

Do they have "standards"? They have participated in a couple of our projects, but am unaware of any publications of "standards" on their own.

But, you can't accuse the first guy of greediness. He is so generous that he gave away all his clothing to the last stitch

As for the other two, they are demonstrating, I am sure, that they are showing respect to local customs and mores by dressing in traditional kilts without those foreign imposed accoutrements such as underwear

Many men in Asian countries will have problems with the nose blowing. Sometimes I think they like to see how far they can shoot stuff out of their nose. They love what is called "A factory special". Surprised it was not an Olympic event in Beijing.

One thing I do not like is very few men in Ukraine wash their hands after pissing. So beware ladies. I am not sure Ukraine men in a public place realize that a sink is used for your hands after pissing. Could be worse many American men piss in the sink or on the floor when the urinals are full.

Girls in Kiev tell me Europe men tend to be more greedy than American men. Germans and French are very greedy. They also tell me American men tend to be fatter and have less hair than Europe men. I have never heard about the farting but that is not good or any "Dutch Ovens". These girls laugh about when I explain the term "going Dutch on a date". The Dutch get a bad rap.

More on greedy. Many men try to impress these girls of talk of what money they make and personal things they have. You brag about money you better dish the money out.

Something that might be overlooke, as it is hard to catgorize, is to know when to shut your mouth about what you think to know.When you look at Russia and European/world history from Russian eyes, you get a completely different picture. By proclaiming 'victory' without actually knowing the other side, you can look very foolish or at least stubborn.

So always respect that there are other points of view, and be willing to meet each other half way.

An impressively comprehensive, useful -- and I daresay, accurate list. The labor and result much appreciated. Neatly also raises the important question, has anybody over there ever heard of Immanuel Kant?

Logged

"But if you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, you ain't going to make it with anyone anyhow..." -- John Lennon

Yes I meant that region of the world -- apologies for the ambiguity -- and the irony (see the rule about HUMOR!) that he's "from there" just compounds his aptness for inclusion in -- well no, his centrality to -- a first post about a set of rules of conduct in which "respect" figures so prominently, if, given his corpus, perversely, and thus made any perceived protocol faux pas worth risking.

As both a professional cultural anthropologist and philosopher, it was just "WOW how kool is THIS"... As you now see,and as a a kind of neo-Kantian myself, it's transparency I'm really after, and fully hope I won't be "sent to Siberia" before I get to more formally introduce myself!

As stated in what could not be much clearer, my respect for the dedication and "seriousness of purpose" that went into compiling the thing is one reason I'm posting at all... In info gathering, as in the search for a partner, it's not just about how hot the info or she is, it's about... well, respect. Someone's "cryptic" oughta end, where my Kantian respect begins -- hopefully right here and now!

Logged

"But if you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, you ain't going to make it with anyone anyhow..." -- John Lennon

personally i believe we need something like this, as every time anyone puts up a mafia game, we steal each others rules. One place, one core set of rules and conduct, and it will save everyone time. any rules that should be on here? please post them and we will update them.