Is God Fed Up with Me?

Kayla writes in to ask: “Pastor John, my soul is in great distress. After living in disobedience, and under conviction, for a few months, my deep desire I once had for fellowship with God is now gone. (I used to be so in love with Christ!) Hebrews 4 makes clear that sin hardens the heart, and I found it to be true. My question is: Does this mean I have fallen away from the faith? My biggest fear is being “destined for destruction” as Scripture says of Judas and others. Please help!” Pastor John, what would you say to Kayla?

I am really thankful that Kayla is in distress. I am thankful that she is fearful, because how much worse would it be if Kayla were careless right now, if she were cavalier, if she was just blowing off this coldness and saying: Devil may care. I don’t give a rip how I feel. It doesn’t matter anymore. I tried that Christianity stuff. I am done with it. That would be infinitely worse than fear and distress.

The text that gives her fear but also gives hope is Hebrews 12 about Esau. See to it—this is Hebrews 12:15—see to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God, that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau. And maybe that is what she has done: fallen into a season of sexual sin. I mean those are the kinds of things that make us feel hopeless about our possible salvation. Don’t be like Esau who sold his birthright for a single meal. Just, you know, threw away his spiritual privileges for an immediate gratification. For you know that afterwards when he desired to inherit a blessing he was rejected. For he found no place—that is the literal translation—no place to repent, no occasion to repent, no repentance, though he sought it with tears.

So it is possible to backslide so long and so deeply that there is no return. Now is that what has happened with you? It doesn’t sound like it, because Esau was rejected not because he repented and wouldn’t be accepted, but because he couldn’t repent. That is what it says. He found no repentance. He found no place to repent though he sought it with tears. He had become so callous, so hard, so distant that there was no ability for him to see how horrible his sin was, to see how great the mercy is to feel horrible and broken about his sin and turn away from it to the living God. He couldn’t do it. It was all a sham as far as he was concerned. And the question, then, Kayla, is do you see the horror of sin? That is a gift of God. That is an element of repentance. Do you use the gospel held out freely?

So here is what Jesus said about the unforgivable sin, because my guess is that is lurking right there in the background of your concern is. Have I committed the unforgivable sin? Now here is what Jesus says in Matthew 12:31. And listen to these initial words, because they are meant to give you hope.

Therefore, I tell you: Every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven. That is amazing. Every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven. And then he says: But the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. Now what is that? They were calling him the devil. They were saying that he cast out demons by the power of Beelzebub and, therefore, they had turned the world on its head. They were seeing Jesus as demonic and they were no longer able to see Jesus as who he really was. Have you gotten to the demonic point that Jesus is, I mean to the demonic point where Jesus is the devil and you now can pronounce judgment on him? Or can you repent and if you can repent there is hope. And here is one of the most beautiful statements of hope that I know of. This is from 1 Timothy 1:15 where Paul is talking to you, Kayla.

The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.

So here is what he is saying. I was a blasphemer, a murderer. He says this in Acts 9: a murderer, a persecutor, a hater. Now let this sink in. Paul was a Pharisee. He believed in demons. There is no reason to believe that Paul disagreed with the Pharisees in the gospels who said Jesus was casting out demons by the power of demons. Paul was a blasphemer. He had walked right up to the edge, evidently, of blaspheming the Holy Spirit. And God chose him, saved him. Why? Paul says it is so that in the 21st century John Piper on a podcast could say to Kayla: Christ is that patient with you. That is why he saved Paul. He saved Paul for Kayla. I really believe Kayla should read 1 Timothy 1:15-16 that way. He, Paul wants to be read as giving encouragement to those who feel like the patience of God has run out. So in the name of Jesus and with the authority of Paul, Kayla, I think I can say to you, I do say to you: Turn and come to Jesus and you will find his arms outstretched to a prodigal daughter.

Thank you Pastor John. And thank you for listening to the podcast. Email your questions to us at askpastorjohn@desiringgod.org. Visit us online at desiringgod.org to find thousands of free books, articles, sermons, and other resources from John Piper. I’m your host, Tony Reinke. Thanks for listening.

John Piper (@JohnPiper) is founder and teacher of desiringGod.org and chancellor of Bethlehem College & Seminary. For 33 years, he served as pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church, Minneapolis, Minnesota. He is author of more than 50 books.

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