22 May 2011

Okay, yeah — I was actually sorta looking forward to the Saturday Night Live finale with Justin Timberlake and Lady Gaga.

The first half-hour of the show was indeed excellent. Then Gary "Dickhead" Lezak decided the metro area would rather watch him diddle his goddam computer and listen to him yammer on and on and on and on and on and on about localstorms that aren't causing any actual damage for the entire remaining goddam hour of the show.

Hey Gary,

Nobody — really, nobody — needs you to come on-screen to impart such wisdom as "you might want to put you car in the garage in case it hails."

I believe No Shit magazine already scooped you there.

So Gary, please, pretty please, with sugar on top: stop going full-Horner and quit acting like a freaked-out toddler. A tornado touchdown 100 miles away more than an hour earlier doesn't require you to go to Defcon One. The End is Not Nigh and thunderstorms aren't news, they're just weather. When it's a little windy and rainy in our local broadcast area, run a crawl across the bottom of the screen and shut the fuck up, mmmkay?

Seriously, what is it about TV weather that attracts these relentlessly narcissistic twats and why won't station management control them?