Monthly Archives: December 2014

We sat facing each other on the coffee table in my apartment. As i gave her a mug, the dark brown coffee table, the white mug and her blood red nail paint, one hand curled around the mug and the other softly tapping the table, she wasn’t at peace.

” Now what.. ” she said softly, lowering her lashes again

“Now we need to figure something out, you shouldn’t have done what you did”

“Don’t give me all this, you get it!!” She started with aggression and as her voice became brittle, fresh tears came into her eyes.

What did I just do! Kill me!!! I felt goosebumps. She was hurt. Impulsive as it was, I instantly went next her and sat, her hands on mine. She was trying to blink her tears away.

“Tatiana!”

She raised her gaze at me and in a moment there she was in my arms as she sobbed harder than I had ever heard. Her cry was unforgettable, inconsolable. There she was at my shoulder weeping, and I couldn’t do anything. She didn’t mean anything to me. I didn’t know her at all. But the pain, the pain was familiar. Although I had never been through things at that moment I just knew, just knew what she was feeling. She melted in my arms and wept aa she was almost on my lap. I felt so helpless. Maybe she needs to cry and vent it out. It isn’t that she isn’t strong. But at this moment she was like a beautiful flower that someone had crush with their heel. She had not lost herself but she was in pain and the ones who had probably caused it were completely unaware of it.

We ate silently. Every morsel that I ate almost ached in the throat. I knew this girl was in a lot of trouble and I felt helpless. At the same time I felt so grateful. I had lesser problems and my family was just perfect.

As we finished with lunch.

“I’ll pay”
“Don’t piss me off now”
“You’ve taken too much trouble for me”
“I’m your friend” ouch! Unwanted stuff!
She smiled. Oh my god!!!!! There is a certain pleasure in seeing sad people happy. Broken but beautiful and can certainly be mended.

She let me pay. We came out of the restaurant and sat in the car. I held the steering wheel. Now what? Where do we go ?

I looked at her. She gave me this blank face. Whenever I looked at her, I never felt any sympathy. It felt like I knew she is a fighter, that she has something in her, a flame that needs to be fanned. Her face never lied. She wasn’t hiding, she tried to run away.

“Let’s go home and have some coffee. Then we’ll decide what is to be done”

Who knew falling for someone was so easy. To like them for what they are.. It isn’t really difficult you see.. And once we fall there is no coming back. We want them around all the time. Everything they do is justified and correct , often adorable.

But the truth is many a times, it isn’t love it’s a habit. If it’s love it will raise you high. If it’s love it will help you grow but if that doesn’t, it isn’t love sweetheart it is just a bad habit, something you really need to get rid of.

And if it’s love then it’ll give you strength. To let go. To let them be what they want to. To let them breathe. Be themselves

It is love that men live by .
Leo Tolstoy

You know what is the most adorable thing, someone who is in love. You can’t just stop admiring them. They have a charisma of their own. An undefeatable charm, beauty is pure. We feel that and that is what we want to be.. We crave being in love more than we crave being loved.

And then this happens. We start settling for things we shouldn’t be giving in to and clinging to relationships that our destroying you every second. It aches and you can feel it. A lot of people around can see it too. The truth is that everyone whether they love us or not are gonna hurt us. We gotta find whose worth the ache.

As we sat facing each other in my favorite restaurant, it felt like i knew her since a long long time. I felt friendship i had never felt before. Although my case was completely different, i had a very loving family since always, nothing was even close to her situation, i felt like i understood her and her pain. I didn’t want to sympathize, I wanted to give strength.

She ordered food like she was hungry since forever. After the waiter had gone she looked at me and smiled.

“I’ve got you a lot of trouble”

“You haven’t, you almost got yourself a lot of it. Thank goodness it didn’t happen that way”

“Thank you”

“Hahaha. I will not welcome. I don’t want to see that ever again”

She smiled faintly. I had to make conversation.

“So.. ”

“Well my dad is the founder of Singhania Group Of Industries”

“Ah huh”

“We have various branches and we employ over five thousand people. My father and my mother worked really hard to make it what it became. She passed away when I was born. For years me and dad were together until he got married to this woman who turned the tides against me. I had been fighting for my place and principles. My goal was that every employee must be satisfied and only then shall we able to satisfy our audiences. We did a lot of charity and fund raising too. But now that’s all gone”

“But why? Were you in loss?”

“No. She thinks it’s a waste of time and energy to invest into such things. She chucked me out of the house. She says it’s important for independence. I am independent, i have my own ideas and earn my share. She just wanted my dad and i to be on different ways it feels.”

“This is awful” We got soup on the table. She drank with great delight. I could see her face lighten up with every sip.

“And you thought ending your life would end your misery?”

“You have no clue about my misery” She said as she licked her last sip. I was dumbstruck.

She sat on the front seat as i drove swiftly through the mild traffic. Sundays have always been my favorite day out, specially afternoons.. She looked so normal as if nothing had happened at all. We see a lot of people, meet a lot of them but we never know what is going on with them , what they are going through and when the darkest moment of their lives shall come when they might want to give up on the gift of life.

Tatiana was lucky that someone found her, i found her. Not everyone is. I was lost in the maze of my own thoughts when she finally broke the silence.

“Ummm.. I forgot your name”

“Zeeshan” Darn you!

“Hehe. So what do you do Zeeshan?”

“I work as a bank manager.”

“That’s cool! I don’t work at all”

“But you had once told me you work for your father!”

“I was fired”

“Did you just say you got fired from your father’s office”

“Yes. Actually my mom feels I am misleading the company’s goals and i am not someone from the 21st century so. I was fired”

“Why would your mom feel that way?”

“That is how step moms are, they can feel whatever they want. They make up things you know!”

I showed her the bathroom and gave her a T-shirt to wear. The bathroom was a mess so I hurriedly removed things which weren’t supposed to be there and let her in. She took a bath and washed her clothes. The girl was tired, of what happened last night or of life, I wonder.

The eyes were misty and sad, she was trying hard to smile. Trying to smile in itself is a good sign I believe. Her bag which she had refused to leave throughout the mellow drama yesterday had a notebook, pens , a bottle of perfume and tissue papers. Of course make up. I saw her emptying the bag on the sofa as she quickly took something that looked like a pencil and underlined her eyes.

Seriously girl? You were almost dead yesterday and this now. Why? To fool the world. Nobody should ever know.

“There is a problem”

“Hmm?” Now what!

“I don’t have any foot wear.”

” Yeah.. I know. You leave your footwear at places to haunt them and hurt their feet. I get it.”

She laughed. Why is she laughing it wasn’t even funny! This girl is really upset.

“You can have my sandals”

She smiled. Damn I like her smile.

“Can I leave my bag here?” It was dirty, had bloodstains, sand and a lot on it, it had seen too much last night

I woke up in a thud my brain had gone in the panic mode. My panic was nothing when compared to hers. Her eyes were swollen and bloodshot, her fair face was pale and the beautiful lady-like girl was panicky, scared and in the defense mode.

I tried to explain things but she didn’t want to listen. She couldn’t, her brain wasn’t working and i didn’t want my neighbors to barge into the apartment as if there was an assault.

“Stop! ” , dramatic as it sounds, it was. A 3 second long ‘stop’ actually made her stop and she looked dead into me. Now this was just too much for an introvert like me. Never, never in my whole life had i imagined this day would come. I knew she needed empathy and not yelling.

“Listen.” I said in the most sweet and serious tone i could, “First of all, sit here” I pointed towards the couch. I went into the kitchen to fetch a glass of water. I handed it to her, she took it happily, she was indeed thirsty.

I knelled as i watched her drink water in quick gulps. “Tatiana” she lifted her face and looked at me. It wasn’t that she was expressionless, there was something that was written all over her face, agony, maybe.

“Do you remember what happened last night?” I asked gently not breaking eye contact. She lifted her gaze from the glass and look at me. Her eyes stung immediately with fresh tears, it was the first time i saw tears in her eyes.

“I remember I saw you at the beach” she struggled to speak, clearing her throat

“A lot happened after that.”

“I see this bandage” she looked at her wrist. “You took me to the hospital?” She asked plainly

“I did” I sighed

“Why?” the expression on her face got tense. It didn’t scare me, i was pissed off.

“You really need an answer for that. Don’t you get it? What answer are you expecting from me? Ridiculous! ” my face fierce and red with irritation, i looked away.

There was an awkward silence for sometime. I didn’t move nor did she. After moments of discomfort she said.

“I’m sorry.”

Damn she looked like the most innocent kid confessing a mistake. Don’t do this shit to me girl! I couldn’t resist smiling.

“Are you out of your mind?” I felt a rush of anguish, of fear, of pain, all at the same time. I always knew there was something which was bothering her, who knew i would see her again and in a state like this. “For heaven’s sake get up!”, i saw blood dripping which gave me shivers. Almost nauseate i pulled her up walked through the small gate

“Taxi!” I yelled.

We finally got cab. I had decided i’ll take her to the small nursing home which is near my apartment, it’d be easy and there won’t be any legal problems. It was 2 a.m. as the doctor dressed her slit hand and gave me a big lecture on how this could be a whole big mess and how he almost saved me from great trouble.. He said she could be taken home, the girl was so tired she couldn’t open her eyes. By the time i took her out of the nursing home she was almost sleeping. Finally i concluded i must take her home. I am inviting a lot of unnecessary trouble, I thought.

I took her to the apartment where i stay, the watchman looked at me with surprise and disbelief. As i took her to the lift and pressed the button I felt something that i had never felt before. For an extremely sensitive person like me this wasn’t anything less than an electric shock. What if the girl misunderstands me! What if i actually fall into unending trouble.. Anyway i couldn’t leave her alone.

As i reached the door of house she fainted, her back rested on the wall next to my door as i struggled to open the door. With a lot of difficulty i lifted her, dragged her, tried to make her walk and shifted her on my bed. She was more into sleep than unconscious. I had the Saturday of my lifetime. Sleep had isolated me, i was already in a mess i couldn’t figure out and now this. I don’t know when i fell asleep on the couch but i woke up with the unpleasant shrill of a female voice.