The Best Bad Movies of All Time - 2013 Edition

The former stars and writers of Mystery Science Theater 3000 continue to talk back to bad movies at RiffTrax.com. And while we may be the self-proclaimed experts on the bad movie genre, there are simply too many of them to know where each one ranks. That's where our fans come in!

Last year's Worst Movies Ever list was so successful, we decided to do it again. Let's face it, the love of bad movies extends far and wide, and so we think of ourselves not only as entertainers, but informers! So without further ado, here is our Second Annual Worst Movies of All Time list for 2013, the result of over 500,000 votes from our audience.

25. Ghost Rider (5,709 votes)

“We’re going to take Nicolas Cage, put him on a motorcycle, and set fire to his head. Also, Sam Elliot will be there.” Who among us wouldn’t pay out every dollar we’ve ever earned for a chance to see that? Yet how does “Ghost Rider” manage to be so spectacularly boring? The correct answer is “Eva Mendes”.
Last year's rank: NOT IN TOP 25

24. Gigli (5,720 votes)

Not since Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever has a movie’s wretched title failed to convey just how much the movie itself sucked.
Last year's rank: NOT IN TOP 25

Less of a movie and more of a filmed competition between John Malkovich and Jeremy Irons to see who can care less. We thought it was so bad, we recorded a commentary track a few years ago for it!
Last year's rank: #19

Software engineer James Nguyen was concerned about the environment. So he made a film about a bland software engineer who lands a hot girlfriend and then tacked on a coda about a bird attack. Birds who explode upon impact and may or may not be able to throw buckets of deadly acid on their human victims. The bird attack does not, however, detract from the main focus on the bland software engineer and his hot girlfriend.

Birdemic was the subject of a RiffTrax Live event. Check it out here.Last year's rank: #12

“Gristly man-ass.” That will likely be your initial thought upon seeing this bizarre, incomprehensible series of recorded events (the word “movie” doesn’t really apply, not in any traditional sense.) Your second will probably be, “Who the hell is that strangely accented weirdo with a hairstyle like Vanessa Hudgens who manages to be at once both wiry and lumpy, and why did he insist on showing me his gristly man-ass?!” He is Tommy Wiseau and if you don’t care for his singular vision just leave your stupid comments in your pocket.

20. Super Mario Bros. (7,065 votes)

Sure, it’s based on the classic video game, but the real reason it came about was the number of people who literally couldn’t sleep until they found a project where near-identical twins Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo could finally play brothers. Adding Dennis Hopper as a humanoid dinosaur was just sweet, sweet sugar on top. Watch the RiffTrax Super Mario Bros. parody!Last year's rank: NOT IN TOP 25

19. Sharknado (7,095 votes)

The purposely dumb dumb-concept TV movie that won the heart of Twitter for a night, much like the hashtag #sexypeople did previously. It will be followed by Octopusicane, Barracudaquake, and many other money-grabbing disaster titles already covered on Twitter when it aired. Related question: time to pull the plug on Western civilization? See it riffed LIVE in theaters July 10th!Last year's rank: NOT IN TOP 25

18. Son of the Mask (7,117 votes)

Do you guys remember that fun movie The Mask? Yeah, it was really good silly entertainment, making maximum use of young Jim Carrey’s madness, and catching Cameron Diaz just at the shiny beginning of her career, before she humped cars onscreen. Yeah, fun movie. Hey, want to do a sequel and drain of it all its original charm? Great idea, huh? Thanks! Let’s make it happen!
Last year's rank: #9

17. 2012 (7,172 votes)

Remember last year, in 2012, when the world totally came to an end, just like those smartypants ancient Mayans said it would? That was intense, dude. Even more intense is this movie that predicted it, albeit a couple of millennia after the Mayans were on it. But just like the Mayans foretold, the real hero of the End Times was John Cusack, taking a quick break from his berserk Twitter feed to star as a struggling writer who must work as a limousine driver to make ends meet. Many millions of people die in this movie, but it seems like John’s limo driver might get back with his wife! Yin / yang.
Last year's rank: NOT IN TOP 25

16. Green Lantern (7,535 votes)

Whoa, a superhero movie! You don’t see many of them nowadays. Even better, this is a superhero who is powered by a lantern. Nothing says otherwordly power like “lantern.” Those can’t-miss ingredients aside, this is not a very good movie. It shovels exposition at you like a crazed stoker on an old steamboat; its hero is a shallow douche; and it has a sinister guy named “Sinestro.” Even the obvious magic of lanterns can’t save it.
Last year's rank: NOT IN TOP 25

Santa on a Florida Beach delivering an endless, overdubbed monologue, a man in a mole costume hitting on a teenage girl, another man in a giant rabbit suit whose only form of expression is to tilt back and forth, a group of children forced to pretend they’re having fun, and farm animals. No, this isn’t the first collaboration between Lars Von Trier, David Lynch and a Hefty bag filled with dung, this is Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.

14. Battleship (7,832 votes)

Liam Neeson proudly joins Sam Shepard and Sam Elliot in the phalanx of gruff, leathery movie generals who yell things into phones. Welcome, General Neeson. Change your first name to Sam and repeat after me: “Dammit, that’s an order!”
Last year's rank: #22

We all remember where we were that day, don’t we? We paid our money, grabbed our ticket, raced to the theater to get a sweet-spot seat, dribbled popcorn grease on our Revenge of the Jedi tee shirt (by far the coolest logo) and settled in, big grins on our rosy-cheeked faces.

And then IT happened. It began slowly, but irrevocably, and as our delighted grins of anticipation were replaced by a gape-mouth rictus of incredulity and horror, as all of us witnessed a franchise suddenly turn and eat its parents. And then it turned back to us, unhinged its angry maw and spilled its hideous, angry bile out into the theater, unstoppable. People screamed and ran. Grown men wept. Oh the horror of that day, the lifelong scars it left behind.

A powerhouse cast assembles to ensure that their comic-book movie franchise augers in so badly and so completely there will be absolutely NO CHANCE that anyone will be STUPID ENOUGH to re-launch it. I mean, please.