someguy12345 wrote:Granted. 50 years after the supposed time when you should graduate high school, your homework does itself, and implants the knowledge as your beaten, wretched, and miserable body sleeps on the cold sidewalk in the street.

Well, it won't be too bad if I can't finish my Ph.D. The market is pretty good for any degreed engineer. I can wait for my current homework's knowledge for another few years.

Randomizer wrote:I wish that I was fluent in several foreign languages.

Granted. Unfortunately, it's hard to find anybody who can also speak Liki, Taushiro, or Tanema.

I wish I could have a state-of-the-art computer from a few years in the future.

It ends instantly, because your boss walks in, sees you browsing a clearly not work-related forum and fires you on the spot. Good luck with the jobhunt.

I wish I made more money with my job.

:)

You are carrying: - a slightly paranoid Android- two left feet (not my own)- a still unfed and very hungry hippo- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

Granted, you boss, add's 'personal favors' to the list of things your job role is required to proform.

I wish I never knew sadness.

R3sistance - I don't care at all for the ignorance spreading done by many and to the best of my abilities I try to correct this as much as I can, but I know and understand that even I can not be completely honest, truthful and factual all of the time.

Granted. The sun comes back artificially aged as a black dwarf. It produces almost no light. You are only able to survive for as long as your heater and firewood hold out now that you get virtually no sunlight.

I wish for a self-sustaining habitation unit in which I can sustain my survival indefinitely, even without any sunlight.

As soon as these words are said, you feel uneasy. after a few seconds, there is a loud crash outside. You casually look outside and see a nearby streetlamp has fallen down, you soon lose interest of this, and sit back down. The chair you're sitting is the first thing you notice start to disappear. You look down at the legs of your chair, and notice the back ones are half not there. The chair remains upright, but you notice it's not just the chair, it's everything. the floor underneath you, the wall, everything! In it's place is a slowly expanding invisible sphere, only detectable by the absence of what's normally there. Out of curiosity, you take a nearby sheet of paper, and stick it partially in the sphere. It offers no resistance. When you take the paper out, you see the amount that went in it completely gone. You turn to me and ask what that is, and what have I done with your humble wish. I state that that is nothing. those spheres contain nothing, and nothing can exist inside them, including light, momentum and gravity. shocked, you step away from it. and try to head outside to avoid this impossible object. As you reach for your doorknob, you feel a sharp pain. You look at the knob, and notice a small sphere missing from it. looking back at your hand, you notice a small section from a slightly smaller sphere is absent from your palm. Horrified, you think about what to do, not able to open the door. Wisely, you decide to wait. after 30 seconds or so, the sphere fully envelops the lock of the door. You kick the door open, and head outside. The sight almost overwhelms you. Spheres are everywhere. the pool at your residence is draining itself into a sphere, A nearby building collapses, as it's support has been dwindled too much, people everywhere have sphere shaped holes in them. Down the road, there is a woman praying on her knees, suddenly, she screams. You see a vacancy in her lower stomach grow. She continues shouting the lords prayer, but collapses before she finishes. You are snapped out of your trance by a car horn. Instinctively, you turn to your right, to see a car headed your way at 50 MPH or so. Not knowing what to do, you flinch. The car is not 10 feet away, when it hits a sphere. You drop to your knees, and no longer feel your legs. You look at the ground and see a hemisphere missing from the street where your knees used to exist. Laying on the floor you look around, and see nothing. You look to your left and see only a small patch of land, with you on top of it. You look behind you, and see the rest of your legs slowly being destroyed, to your right, you see the remnants of a small child's body, being consumed. In front of you is me. You hear me say "your wish is my command" before I myself am consumed. Nothing else exists now. It's just you, a small section of road, and a growing sphere of nothing against your thighs.

someguy12345 wrote:Granted. A kilogram of jelly bears fills your lungs and you die.

I wish I knew what the deal was with that stupid loaf crumb.

(quoted to preserve the wackiness...)

Granted. The loaf crumb before you is revealed to you in all of its glory. Every molecule, every folded protein structure, the spin of every quark, everything. You find this so amazing and wonderful that you sit and stare at it, contemplating and weeping for the beauty of it all, until you become cachectic and starve to death.

Granted, you did, a long time ago. You never had the opportunity to wear it and it has long been thrown away, although you do not realize that it has been thrown out so you will wast hours on end searching your house for it.

Granted, your room now doesn't have windows and you get all the sunlight you need from a huge hole in your ceiling.

I wish to be the first person to invent a teleportation device, so I can trademark it, use it to escape anyone who tries to attack/kill me for it, and then use it to make the ultimate pizza delivery company and become rich.

Granted. But after a couple successful weeks at the head of KwikPizza, a super secret government agency confiscates the teleportion device and all you're left with is a pizza joint with a crappy, ill-suited name and customers with extremely unreasonable expectations. And your business taxes are high, too.

You now have to simply mouse over the Submit button to post something. On at least one occasion, this results in you accidentally making an incomplete post when you go to preview it instead. The result is extra edits and EBWOPs, and it may even get you modkilled if you screw up a spoiler.

Let's see what happens if I wish I had to simply mouse over the Preview button to update the post preview...

Granted. Every time you accidentally move your mouse over the preview button, the page refreshes to the preview page and it takes ages to load. It also takes ages to go back to your post, which now you must do every time you preview your post. Also, the Submit button thing is still active.

Granted. With this confidence you decide to run for office, and your lack of arrogance or stupidity impresses people so much that the majority vote for you as a write-in candidate. Unfortunately, election fraud runs rampant, and you lose not only the election, but all sense of privacy as you are now considered a public figure, and the media follow your every move with impunity.

I wish that menstrual periods did not exist, and that females were just as physically and reproductively healthy as when they did.

Granted. Everyone now wears a T-shirt that explains exactly what they're attracted to and why, falling in love becomes as predictable as Newtonian physics, and an entire section of culture (of multiple cultures, really) ceases to exist; you find that you're completely offended by everyone's rules of attraction as posted on the T-shirts.

Granted. When you make the attempt, in an unprecedented display of flexibility and strength, you accomplish what you thought was impossible. However, you are arrested immediately afterwards for public indecency and disturbing the peace, your employer fires you, and your mother is too ashamed to ever speak to you again.

I wish for detachable/reatachable cybernetic limbs for the purpose of expanding the number of things I can do and how efficiently I can do them.

I try to avoid criticizing people when they are right. If they genuinely deserve criticism, I will not need to wait long for an occasion where they are wrong.- Eliezer Yudkowsky, "Einstein's Arrogance"