Marco: No! That part, the a-grazi was good! But you no give-a the pepper! That’s the whole point, Carlo! Here. you watch me, alright? Here we go. Watch-a the pepper. [ takes pepper grinder and approaches table ] Fresh-a pepper?

Male Diner #2: Yes. I’ve been waiting quite some time for this pepper I’ve heard so much about.

Marco: Say whenn.. [ grinds pepper from behind his back ] You like-a the pepper, huh?

Male Diner #2: Wow! Very good!

Marco: You like-a the fresh-a pepper, huh? Let’s-a get some pepper in there.. let’s-a get some pepper. [ raises one leg on Male Diner #2’s chair, then places pepper grinder between his legs to grind pepper as though masturbating ] You like-a the pepper?

Male Diner #2: [ excited ] Yeahhh..

Marco: You like-a the pepper?

Male Diner #2: That’s good!

Marco: Senorita, like-a the pepper, huh? You like-a the pepper?

Male Diner #2: That’s very good, thank you so much!

Marco: [ stands behind Male Diner #2, who has his arms raised, grinding the pepper with him between the action ] Let’s-a get back over-a here. Remember, to-a say when, let’s get behind here, give-a more pepper. You like-a that, huh?

Marco: A-grazi! [ returns with Carlo to the back ] Now, now, now.. come here, come here.. come here, Carlo! Now, now! Let me tell you! You see what I do with the pepper, huh? You see? You got to also say “When?” and then, you also got to give them the pepper! Okay?

Carlo: When?

Marco: Yes!

Carlo: Give-a the pepper.

Marco: Yes! That’s-a very good! Very good! I be-lieve in all-a my heart, you can do this, Carlo! Now.. try again, alrght? You take-a the pepper, you try again. Let’s-a go.

Carlo: Fresh-a pepper?

Male Diner #3: On my chocolate mousse? No thank you.

Carlo: Say when. [ begins to grind pepper onto the chocolate mousse ]

Male Diner #3: No! [ Carlo keeps grinding ] Hey, cut it out, come on!

Carlo: Say when.

Male Diner #3: No, come on! Don’t!

Carlo: Say when!

Male Diner #3: No, come on! Come on!

Carlo: [ places the grinder between his legs, gridning the pepper toward the mousse as though he were humping the table ] Say when! Say when! Say when! Say when!

Manager: I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news, boys. I just bought one of these electric pepper grinders for every table in the place! [ demonstrates the whirring pepper grinder ] How about that, huh! You’re both fired! [ exits ]

Marco: This is an outrage, Carlo! We-a gonna show them! We open-a our own restaurant! Together!!

Voiceover: [ over scrolling SUPER ] “Marco and Carlo’s restaurat, Fresh-a Pepper, opened the next summer. It was an immediate success. Dishes created in their kitchen, such as the Pepper Sandwich, Steamed Pepper a la Marco, and Pepper Surprise, a big pile of pepper, made them famous. In 1993, Carlo died of pepper lung, but Marco is still alive today, in a nursing home made of oregano; they were out of pepper.”

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn View all posts by Don Roy King