DO WANT: Monte Carlos

This week I wanted to bring up an important topic that we all need to think long and hard about. Love for Monte Carlos. Yes, the Chevy Monte Carlos that were built from 1970-1988 were a beautiful bunch of machines, even the sadly forgotten 1973-77 models. They all had giant engines, huge fenders, heavy doors, and tons of luxury options. If you have never driven in one, I would compare it to sitting on a sofa that is strapped down to an erupting volcano. To celebrate the true wonder that the 1970-88 Monte Carlos are, I have gathered a youtube video of each generation doing an elegant burnout, as only a high class Monte Carlo could.

Between 1970 and 1972 the Monte Carlo shared a large number of parts with the Chevelles, but for some unknown reason (to me), Monte Carlos don’t seem to rot out like the Chevelles and Malibu’s do. Is it because beauty doesn’t age? Could it be because Monte Carlos are so full of magnificence, that rust cannot possibly break them down? Maybe it is because they are so uncommon that deterioration itself wants them to last forever? Whatever magical presence it is protecting these cars from rust, it deserves a high five. With that, I give you elegant burnout number one!

I always felt bad for the 1973-77 Monte Carlos. They were always the ugly bunch that nobody seemed to want. They still had huge engines, and more class than you would know what to do with. What people don’t seem to realize is that with one of these land yachts sweet rides, you have every single automotive option on earth for an unbelievable low price. You have buttons that control other buttons, and switches that control knobs. You have seats that move in like 879 directions, carpet that is 6 inches thick, and enough cigarette lighters to light 40 stogies at once. The trunk is big enough to sneak 10 of your closest friends into the drive-in, which makes for 18 total passengers. What is there not to love? As you may have guessed, this body style is the perfect candidate for elegant burnout number two!

The 78-88 Monte Carlos are unmatched in beauty and grace. If these cars had a decent engine and transmission in them, they could have been the greatest vehicle ever built (……..by Chevy between 1978-88). The downsides to these cars were the asthmatic V6 and V8 engines that GM loaded into them. Chevy claimed 165 horsepower, but I assure you that it felt more like donkey power. Yes, I would rate them at approx. 14 donkeypower. People in horse drawn carriages would easily pass these cars in a race. The interiors were slightly less plush than that of the 73-77 body style, but still high class compared to most. Overall, the great looking body makes up for the lack in power. You buy one of these cars to look awesome, not to go fast. If you swap the engine for maximum greatness, you end up with elegant burnout number three!