As many of you know, the Internet is an exciting place, full of magic, and wonder, and delight, and a disturbingly large collection of tentacle porn. Thanks to online communities it's also a good place to invent a version of yourself that's better, older, and more interesting.

Little is known about this video apart from the fact that its provenance is said to be Málaga's Palma-Palmilla district. One thing that is certain is that I'd like to submit this footage—with its frustration, violence, and triumphant denouement—to the Oscars as a short commentary on Spain's persistent financial woes.

Last Wednesday afternoon I called Michael Brutsch. He was at the office of the Texas financial services company where he works as a programmer and he was having a bad day. I had just told him, on Gchat, that I had uncovered his identity as the notorious internet troll Violentacrez (pronounced Violent-Acres).

Here is a Goatse license plate from Indiana that a reader spotted in Washington, D.C. yesterday. It was on a Scion, which is appropriate since Scions are the horrid gaping assholes of vehicles. Goatse license plates are nothing new. Here's one from 2005, here's one from 2008, and here's one from just this month.

You can argue all you want about the best this or most popular that, but there's really only one unbiased arbiter of greatness: the Internet. And here's what it has declared as the most important everything-you-care-about.