Category Archives: friends with benefits

You’ve heard about “The Couple” – that seems to have slowed down a bit. I think my reluctance to jump in with both feet has caused a bit of a cooling off period. While I am fairly certain that I could heat things up again with a bit of effort, I need to take the time to consider whether I really want to do so.

Then there’s Ike- someone who could charm his way into my pants without breaking a sweat.A charming lad who says all the right things and has managed, without even trying, to get me hot and wet with simply a few lines of facebook chat. I confess, it’s my own insecurities that make me wonder whether he’s simply trying to “collect” me as one of the women in his list, and doesn’t actually intend to follow through with any of it. Apparently though, we’re meeting this weekend.

And finally there’s Hamlet. Sweet, kind, with nary a sexual innuendo in his messages. We’ve been messaging for months now, and have finally settled on a very casual meeting date in two weeks. I don’t know whether to be relieved, or concerned that my charms are so easily put off.

The blatant differences between the three men are actually laughable. I kind of feel like I have some sort of dissociative disorder being attracted to such a bizarre range of personalities.

It got me considering the possibility of keeping them all, and what separate compartments I would place them into.

The Couple I suppose would fit into “the lover” category. Straight sex, flirting and seduction. And while I have no doubt that they are an intelligent, interesting couple who would be worth spending time with outside of the bedroom…I can’t envision us becoming bff’s.

Hamlet? “The boyfriend.” I’ve attempted to insert some subtly risqué comments into our communications, but he chose to not run with it. Perhaps speaking of Beltane rituals was outside of his comfort zone? However, I absolutely adore talking to him, and am positively panting to see if there’s anything there that’s a bit less cerebral and more physical…

And Ike? I suppose he would fit into the “friends with benefits” category. The alarming rate that he “friends” seductively posed women on facebook implies to me that he perhaps isn’t looking for something exclusive with me. However, he’s funny and delightful – so I can see us having a hot romp, then giggling and watching movies every once in a while.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if life could in fact contain people in all these categories without the addition of feelings and other such complications? I don’t know how some of you manage to balance it all. I have absolutely no doubt that a life containing all these people would make me blissfully happy for about 5 minutes, then would blow up (messily) all over me.

I’ve done the “friends with benefits” thing a couple of times. Once was very brief with a man I’m still close to.Once was quite longterm with someone I don’t see anymore in any way. That one was a real learning experience. I learned that I really have to work hard to not let emotions get in the way. And I learned that he didn’t.

Though it went on for a long time, I only have a few really vivid memories of the whole thing.

We made a bet once about something, and I lost. So I was his slave for a day. I had to wear a merry widow (I was much more “willowy” back then, so the idea didn’t horrify me quite as much as it might now) and essentially do chores all day. I do remember his friends popping by for some geeky gaming thing, but if I remember correctly I was allowed to wear normal clothes at that point. I do remember that one friend was quite uncomfortable with me playing the geisha girl to them all. (Mmmm geisha…must remember that one…I wonder how cheap kimonos are…)

He was quite chatty. We could be in the midst of the most intense, vigorous sex and we be carrying on a conversation the whole time. His attitude was that sex was both interesting and ridiculous, and that people shouldn’t take it so seriously. I agree 100%. Men who only want to grunt to gaze into your eyes the whole time? That’s OK occasionally, but in the long-term? I think I would get annoyed with it. And heaven forbid that you laugh during! I had one boyfriend make me solemnly swear that I would never do so. Apparently he would lose his erection immeidately. Uhhh OK.

Anyways, sex with Vitamin D (his own nickname for himself) was quite phenomenal. I didn’t enjoy being on top until I was with him. And I love love loved it when we were both sitting up facing each other, me riding him with him holding my hands behind my back and biting my nipples. No one had ever done it like that with me before or since, and it really worked for me.

(As a note, I do so enjoy having my wrists held down/tied up etc…something about the implied helplessness of the position….and since I have tiny wrists and hands, most men haven’t had a problem doing this with only one hand, leaving their other hand free to explore me in other places…)

My only other really clear memory of this relationship was one night when there was a massive thunder storm. We were right in the throes of it, and most likely carrying on a conversation, when all of a sudden it sounded like lightening struck something right outside the window. I’ve never heard anything so loud. He was so startled that he slammed into me a lot harder than he intended. It was the most delicious pain I had ever felt….

Now of course this relationship evolved into more friendship, which culminated in the whole guilty-feeling “we probably shouldn’t be doing this” thing. Things petered off after a while. But if given the question, I might still maintain that it was some of the best sex I’ve ever had…