God in the center of our relationships

Archive for the ‘Character’ Category

Fact: Did you know that U.S. porn revenue exceeds the combined revenues of the ABC, CBA and NBC television networks (6.2 billion).

“When a woman is dating a guy who is looking at porn. It makes her feel like he’s cheating on her. Is he really so weak and desperate for sex that he has to pretend he’s getting it from some imaginary woman he’ll never meet? Sorry. guys, but for most of us girls. It just makes you slimy.If you want to avoid looking desperate. Avoid looking at porn.
It’s just plain ugly.” – Hayley DiMarco.

Christian: If you’re a guy reading this you think you’re struggling with porn. I would like to encourage you this battle can be won. But you cannot do it alone. We men need help from other men to fight with us. And of course, we need God’s help as well. Please email me at christian.ongtangco@gmail.com if you need more information and help about it.

In order to obtain oneness and worship our Lord with our marriages, as women and wives we need to correctly understand the need for respect. Respect is to notice, regard, honor, prefer, defer to, encourage, love, and admire. Men and women were created with equal worth but different roles. Though men are not exempt from respecting their wives, God created the woman to help (Genesis 2:18) and respect her husband (Ephesians 5:33).

Women are prone to ask other women what methods they use as respectful helpers, or to read books such as Real Marriage seeking to be told what to do. What follows are some of the lessons I’ve learned from the mistakes I’ve made over the years. My prayer is that it encourages you to be the respectful wife that God has created you to be.

Heads of Respect
Respect starts in our heads, and includes our mind and thoughts. Disrespect also starts in our heads and can over time affect our hearts and hands.

Disrespect starts when we think things like: That was a dumb decision he made, I can do better than that. I wish he were more like _____, or, I’ll just fix all the things he does wrong. I hope the kids don’t grow up to be like him. When he is out of town life is easier. I won’t ask him because he won’t understand. If you are thinking this way toward your husband and let it continue, it will seep into your heart and eventually come out in your words and actions toward your husband.

Confess your sin of disrespecting authority to God and your husband, and be willing to listen to the Holy Spirit’s conviction for change.

Begin developing new habits of biblical thinking by being thankful for your husband’s gifts and strengths, rather than being bitter about his weaknesses and shortcomings. I encourage you to take time to observe your husband closely and even start a journal or make a list of things you appreciate about him.

Hearts of Respect
If our hearts are working toward respect, our mouths will follow, because “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). Do you tend to respond to your husband with criticism or with silence?

When you talk about him in public or with others do you tear him down or build him up? Are you careful not to gossip about him, or do you freely share your issues with others? Are you a wife who criticizes, contradicts, or sneers at your husband? Do you “joke” about his lack of abilities or his way of doing things? Do you cut him down in front of the kids?

Also, it’s important to remember that we don’t change our husbands—the Holy Spirit does! Use your words to pray for and help him instead of belittling him. Use your words to pray for yourself that you would practice self-control (Ephesians 4:29). Sometimes we don’t even hear ourselves, because our words can be subtle disrespect, so we might need others whom we trust to help us assess our hearts and mouths.

Hands of Respect
God created women to be helpers, which is a reflection of his character. God said, “It is not good that man should be alone,” so he created a helper for Adam (Genesis 2:18). It’s important to note that the word “helper” does not denigrate the wife; in fact, God is also referred to as our helper (Psalm 10:14; 118:6-7; Hebrews 13:6).

As a helper, a wife is called to become a companion in her husband’s God-given calling. This is what 1 Corinthians 11:7–9 means. Upon marriage, a woman’s life changes as she joins her husband in his life’s course.

Hands That Pray

Prayer softens our hearts and our husband’s hearts. If you only pray for him to change, then you won’t see your own sin too. Prayer reminds us of our total dependence upon God.

When I pray for Mark, he feels respected and loved. I look at his calendar for the day and pray for teaching sessions, meetings, appointments, safety, wisdom, and other things God brings to mind. We also enjoy prayers of thankfulness together when we see God’s grace in our lives. When Mark is sad, upset, stressed, or discouraged, I offer to pray out loud with him.

Hands That Touch
Physical affection is key to intimacy. If your husband enjoys touch, you probably can’t go overboard on this one. If your husband is more reserved, you can still express comfort through holding hands, neck rubs, and meaningful kisses.

Sex for the purpose of oneness usually doesn’t just “happen” at the end of a long day without working toward it throughout the day. Don’t get into a habit of only touching him when he is leaving the house once a day. Rather, learn to enjoy playfulness that leads to deeper intimacy and sex. Try meeting him for lunch appointments when possible. Instead of demands when he arrives home from work, greet him at the door with a hug or kiss. Text him during the day to let him know you are thinking about him.

Hands That Feed

Take time to plan a menu for the week (or month) so you aren’t throwing unhealthy things together for dinner or tempted to always eat out. Your husband will have more mental, physical, and emotional energy if he is not eating simple carbs and sugar all day.

Hands That Hunt and Fish
Be unselfish. Mark loves baseball, so I have attended many games and learned how baseball works. He also loves to study the culture by watching some of the popular TV shows, so I watch shows with him that wouldn’t be my first choice. The point is to do activities that your husband likes to do and have fun with it, not be disgruntled.

Hands That Open the Bible
Grow your relationship with Jesus. If you aren’t getting fed through Bible reading, prayer, and personal repentance, then it will be impossible to know how to serve and respect your husband.

Since respect is a command, God doesn’t leave us clueless and unable: he will give us the wisdom and strength to carry it out. We have to stay connected to Jesus in order to keep our husbands a priority over tasks, kids, other people, and the pull of culture.

” I’m a guy and have a friend girl who lives in the same building as me, and we hang outa lot. She calls , SMS or IM’s me every day and tells me everything about her day. It makes me feel really close to her. We’ve been hanging out, doing lunch, dinner, talking, etc., for about two years, and yesterday she told me me that she had a date with this new guy that just moved in next door. I was totally shocked. I thought that our friendship was working toward something. Where’d did I go wrong? Why would she do this to me?”

Do what to you to? Wait two year for you to get the nerve to ask her out on a real date? I think she gave you too much time! Listen, it shouldn’t take two years to decide if you want to ask a girl out for a date.

If she was that important to you, you should have made the move and advanced the relationship.

As it stands, she probably just considered you another girlfriend she could dump all her emotions upon until she found the love of her life. You could have save yourself a lot of heartache by making a move a year and a half ago.

Women can’t be put on hold until you are certain they are into you. You must strike while the iron is hot. Don’t be a “Segurista”. Next time, don’t try to protect yourself by being friends first; find out if she likes you by asking her out. The two-year friendship/breakup thing is nothing you want to experience again.

Like this:

Last night I fetch my fiancée nurse Ayi from the hospital to send her home.
She should be out by 10pm but something unexpected happened with her patient that why she was dismissed late and I was able to send her home around 12 midnight.

We really made the most out of our traveling time while we were on the cab on our way to her home. We talked and shared about the thing that has happened on that day, good and sad news, we talked about my latest blog and our plans and goals for this season.

We really had a great time together even in just less than one hour ride. It’s as if we just meet each other recently, we could stare and smile at each other’s face all day and all night. But I need to leave , need to rest too. And so I had my forehead near her forehead to say my goodbye. then I stared at her lips and told her, ” You know what, I could kiss you now but I won’t. I could figure out good reasons why I could kiss you now but I won’t present them because of the following reasons;

1. I love my future wife more than my fiancée.2. Until we get married, she is not yet mine.3. I want to honor and treat her as she deserve.4. I love God and I want us to be pure and holy before him.

These are all good reasons why I didn’t kiss her yet that night. One can say there’s nothing wrong with a kiss, its not a mortal sin. But my motivation could be because we want to take PRIDE of having “it” as one of my accomplishments (to look and feel good that we’re pure, holy and obedient Christians) that the first we did “IT” was only on the very night the minister says “you may now kiss the bride” BUT we miss the real point of WHY abstain from premarital sex and have our first kiss on the altar.

Following Pastor D’s example,

“… Because she is a daughter of God. Jesus gave His life for Ayi and Jesus is entrusting her to me. I want to treat Ayi with love and respect as Christ loved her by totally relying on the GRACE of God and not on my own because I know left to myself I , I CAN’T stay pure and holy without Him in the center (first priority) of our relationship. Without His GRACE, our righteousness and good deeds are all “filthy rags” in His sight.”

Yes you read it right, When you think you are SO in-love with you’re partner and you’re relationship with God is getting blurry, I must tell you this, you’re in trouble my friend.Being in love, in a relationship, engaged or married is one of the happiest season in one’s life. Especially during the “honeymoon stage” where the couple’s feet are on the clouds. SO in-love with each other, SO into-each-other. Probably the word obsession is right word to describe it.

This experiences is definitely thrilling, exciting and fun. It’s like there’s always adrenaline rush whenever you two are together. “Emotions are all at their highest levels”. Sound familiar? You may know what I’m talking about or perhaps you experienced it yourself. There’s absolutely nothing wrong about being in-love with someone.

“We all know that too much of something is bad enough.”– Spice girls

The problem is when we start having a hard time handling our relationships. If you’re a single, you can be so occupied with having a partner (boyfriend/girlfriend) soon that you dream about it every night. If you’re in a relationship, you’re world may have started to revolve around only one (1) person which is your partner. 95% of your time, money and resources are all narrowed down only that person. It’s all about him/her. Even is you know already that obsession is the most appropriate word to describe it but you’re convincing yourself it’s not.

You see this feeling can be like the Niagara falls were trying to contain and its so overwhelming. The tension here is when it starts UNHEALTHY for you, your (future) partner and most importantly your relationship with the ONLY ONE who could love you more than anyone could love you, JESUS.

I remember when I was still a young Christian, A friend of mine wanted to be a relationship with a young woman who isn’t a Christian. So he started inviting her to church, share his faith to her and court her at the same time. Then as soon as their relationship started, his love for God started dwindling down. After a few weeks, he started not showing up anymore and spending most of his time with the girl.

I have a lot of friends who’s either a backslider or a lukewarm Christian now because SOMEHOW, their world started revolving around that one person, they’ve ISOLATED themselves and they’ve placed their girlfriend/fiancée/spouses before God.

I even have a female friend who left the church because she was afraid she won’t have a relationship with any of the guys in church, she doubted that she’ll ever get to love or be loved by someone who share the same faith with her. A very passionate and fruitful Christian can be gone overnight because of the same scenario.

We have back to our first love. Putting God first by loving your girlfriend / fiancée /wife (same thing with boyfriend/fiancé/husband if you’re a woman) less and loving God more. Ask God to help you with your obsession with her. Let’s be careful not to make an idol of of them. We just have to be reminded that our God is a jealous God,

He must be our first love and she’s second. We can’t place any human or created being above God, I know you know that’s called obsession or idolatry. Now, I’m not saying you start hating women (or vice versa) and not loving her or setting her aside , BUT you know if it’s time to set your priorities right. Loving God more. Yes, Jesus has to be our first love.Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. ’ – Mark 12:30

Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. – Psalm 37:4

It is God’s promise that if we prioritize Him, all we could ask him he could give us. Let’s set our eyes on him first, Let Jesus be our everything, the lover of our soul, the greatest treasure in life. Jesus.

Talk about the person and not to them because doing so will be awkward…this will assure destruction! And, the silent treatment is really an amazing weapon when it comes to refusing to communicate, don’t worry about the fact that five year olds do it…just own it!

#2 – Refuse To Listen

Interrupting my spouse during conflict to immediately correct them and then trying my best to make a stronger point always helps tear a relationship to pieces!

#3 – Always Assuming The Absolute Worse About Your Spouse

As soon as I hear (or even think about) something negative about my spouse it is absolutely essential to carry that thought to its fullest illogical conclusion. Don’t EVER ask for an explanation or clarification as more open communication will lead to a stronger marriage!

#4 – Make Sure The Goal Is To Win The Argument Rather Than Actually Settle The Dispute

If you realize you are wrong about something you must allow pride to dominate your thought life, thus unleashing a barrage of accusations that actually have nothing to do with what the original argument/discussion had to do with in the first place! Win at all costs, even if it means saying things that hurt and wound deeply.

#5 – You Must View Your Spouse As Your Enemy, NOT Your Friend

You cannot see your spouse and you as being on the same team if you want a great marriage, you must view everything as some sort of game and make it a goal to compete with them and not actually complete them.

#6 – Focus As Much As Possible On Their Inadequacies & Shortcomings

You’ve GOT to talk about how much they are “not meeting your needs” and how they need to “step up and do better” as often as possible. By all means do NOT take a look at yourself and what you could do to improve the marriage. Everything MUST be blamed on them and you’ve got to see yourself as flawless and perfect.

#7 – Do NOT Have Fun Together

Heck no!!! You need your set of friends and your spouse needs their set. Don’t have mutual friends. Don’t have date nights. Don’t do anything fun as a family. Make sure that when you are out on a date as a couple you spend as much time on your phone with someone else as possible because communication with your spouse will do nothing except make your marriage stronger.