poetry

Forcing someone into the world of others will always be wrong, they’ll come to realize how far they are from where their passions rightfully belong. I have a vision and mind that is creative with no holds, turning blank pages into art with daily thoughts from me. The poems on this former white paper showing only lines are far from just words, creating verses that will make you think and have you saying ‘She’s good at this.’ Like the blood that flows through everyone’s veins giving oxygen to pump your heart, bringing life you’ll come to see I am the same because I was made for this. Organizing words in a way that may only make sense to me is the only way I have ever known how to express this amazing chaos I keep hidden under my chest. No longer can I allow my creative mind to lay at rest, I have been there before I know what happens next; a lifetime of nothing but shame and regret. I have broken free from a so-called reality I thought I belonged to, a dream planted in the minds of all the children who were left behind. We are all from the home of the brave, so they say but none of us were ever really free. They gave us prescriptions to alter our minds, making us believe in a lie they call reality, forcing our lives to be as fake as Ken and Barbie. No thanks, that is not the life for me I will protect my sanity, my will belongs to me. No longer believing if I were someone else I would be happy. I no longer feel lost because I am no carbon copy of those who tried to program me. Being different is a gift that I made for myself, all you need to know is who have failed at controlling me. Keep that in mind as you read through these pages of my words that I have thoughtfully arranged, these words are the only reason I have ever known me, the sole reason your attempt to brainwash never came to be, if you decide to read on I have only two words of advice; read carefully.

Haha look at me I am nobody
I sleep where I lie
I believe nothing is set in concrete
You’ll find that I am quite shy
I think of much deeper thoughts
That I’ll never speak
Life is profound, imagination, ideologies
I lack luster, taste and apathy
Most days I see, I hear and I feel
With the eyes, ears and heart of another
Confusing not knowing which emotions belong to me
Spirituality? No, psychology
I do not worry about an empty sky
No god above no devil below
Do not pity me because I cannot see the false reality
Or this love in my heart
No hate for the enemy
Your feelings towards my lifestyle show your handicap-never mind
It’s just as invisible as my minds interpretation of your moral interactions
This is meaningless
Yet we keep on, we persist
Form that line, find your place to stand
Read the signs
Your brain must be this small to fit in
In the world today who needs common sense?
What do I know? Do not follow my lead
Read above I am nobody
Because when I am nothing I feel bliss

Locked in a room
No space to move
A fire is churning
Like the candle burning
I am going insane
Only this will stop any pain
Thinking of how my heart will race
I’ve found a way to stay in this place
I feel the warmth against my skin
I’ll do it again never wanting this to end
I look up no ones around
What is this home I have found

I came from a family with no love to spare
Slow to realize no one really cared
Always searching for a way to be loved
All I ever found were drugs
My hands always trembled, body coated in sweat
It was my own life I came to regret
Alone in my room leaving memories behind
I would do anything to erase the images in my mind
They took me to a world that was mine alone
A place where I could finally hold my own
In this world I created in my head
I felt alive, no longer hanging by a thread
Being high I knew I wasn’t a coward
No, I made myself believe I had power
Everything was new drugs gave me a clean slate
But pieces of my sanity they would take
Living that way was not as perfect as I believed
The life I was living was ill conceived
Self-harm and suicidal plans fueled by withdrawal
After everything I survived there is no more room to fall
Ending my life was one wrong I could right
My mind is fucked and I’m too tired to fight