Sunday, May 22, 2011

How much can I write?
About my depression, alcohol habits
and the sadness I feel
Before I start repeating myself
Or just get bored
Honestly, I don’t know
Perhaps I'll find out one day

Every day I follow patternized life
Go out and come back, prepare dinner,
Study, do some internet
And then go to bed
Not to sleep
Just to pattern heartbeat
Whether it’s working still
Wondering how

Then there are these loud voices
filling in every portion of ears
You are a looser
You lost everything
You were never anything successful in life
A daughter, a friend, a lover, a student,
A professional, an alcoholic, a poet
You don’t even know what the meaning of life is
Look at you. You, a complete failure

There are other loud voices telling you
You’ll never last the night without us.
You'll cave at 2 in the morning
And be worse off
Than what you are at this time

There is soft voice saying, what’s the harm?
You don’t miss work
You’re not mean

You tried to put your best
but somehow it didn't worked
You paid your duties
Here I'm and it’s you only
and it’s just a night
When its dark and you're alone
And there is no one else
who'll be with you.

And then there's my own voice
And the others are so dominate now
That I can’t even figure out
What it’s saying anymore or if it even cares.

By the way, I now love the depression
And I love how slowly it kills
And how silent death it is
And I am in love with my depression
And how it is slowly killing me
And what a silent death it is…

It’s not that bad actually
That’s what I have always
Thought of how I would like to die
I just never imagined it would come this way.Cheers..!

Ah! The woes of heart burn
Eh! Its growl and O! the mourn
Dying daily in thy concern
Ha! Amazed I see! Amazed I see!
How much harsh, you are to me
Alas! For me nothing you feel!
I stay lonely in woes and weal
Here is no zeal, no driving wheal
Only this pain, you gave to me
Hark! I bear in thy memory

Thursday, April 28, 2011

This particular writing is very personal to me and is dedicated to a friend of mine whom I have so much Faith in, so much Respect and Admiration (Someone who likes to hide in his shell and comes out from it when he's ready ha-ha!) n to all my friends out there whose Faith in someone remains strong even if the person they believe in, no longer believes in themselves. May your Faith in that someone helps them realize even when they no longer have Faith in themselves, even when they no longer believe in themselves... You'll always be there for them..

Dear You,
You have always been the kind whose kept to himself, when things are not working out or not the way you wanted it to be, you'd go hiding in your shell, leaving your friends and everyone around you wondering how you are? you would never say a word to anyone and others around you are left questioning themselves if they had done or said something that might have upset you and when you are done with what you needed to do or had taken the time you needed to sort things out, you'd come out of your shell bouncing back to your old self without apologizing or offering explanations. You're always like that and that's Okay. It's just the way your personality is, a lot of people doesn't get to really understand you, but I do. I just knew. I just knew from the patterns, from how you would appear and disappear, I just knew from observing you, I just knew some how.. Lately, you are back hiding in your shell, friends are asking about you, wondering how you are? wondering about the total silence, wondering about your little hide and seek patterns. Today I told a few friends of yours who mentioned about your silent treatment and you disappearing again from the face of the earth and I said " Give it time, it's just the way it is, when he's ready, he will come out of his shell, he will bounce back to his old self. Just be there for him, he needs you guys right now although he may not word it out, it's just the way he is, always kept to himself. Be there for him even if he tries his best to keep away give him space to sort things out on his own but make sure you guys make him aware that you have faith in him as I do.. "

I believe in YOU, even when at times your world falls apart, you lose faith in things you do, you lose motivations in things around you, you lose touch with the rest of the world and people in it. I still believe in YOU. I know how hard you tried I know how much you tried all your might to get to where you at, sometimes in our life, we lose focus on things that matters, may it be because of new aquaintances, new peers, new people we hang out with, sometimes we do things to ourselves we wouldn't normally do, sometimes in our lives we get lost. And it's Okay.... finding the wisdom and learning a lesson in our mistakes is what matters the most.. But I believe in YOU .. I always do! I know you will come out of it, things will starting to look better.. What you may be going through right now is something you would not want to discuss with anyone, perhaps out of shame? perhaps out of ego? perhaps out of confussions? or being out of focus? And that is OKAY!!! No matter what it is you are going through with phases in your life. I'll be right here ... KEEPIN' THE FAITH IN YOU even at this moment, you may not see that or feel that, I can only wish you would look around and see I am not the only one who cares deeply.. A lot of us do.. Your friends, your families. We all have Faith in YOU.

I can't comprehend why, but I just knew when you are not being okay, when you are not okay. I just knew.. Times like this is when I needed the most to let you know I have faith in YOU, that I believe in YOU. I guess that's what friends for eh? I have so much Faith in YOU that when you feel you are running out of Hope.. I want you to have some of mine. I believe in YOU so much that when you are starting to not believe in yourself, you can have some of mine. I have so much strenght in me that when you are starting to feel weak, you can have some of mine. I have so much Respect for you that when you are finding yourself lost... My respect for you will not be weakenned and I will respect you more in times of your weakness, I have so much admiration towards you, for the kind of person you are, for the person I know you are not the person others thinks of you, But that person I have seen with beautiful heart, beautiful soul. Because of that My Faith in YOU will remain true from the bottom of my heart.

Please know, WE are here for you, WE keep believing in YOU, Me, your friends, your buddies. I won't look at you any different, you don't have to be ashamed, you don't have to shy away because even in times of darkness in the corner of your world.. even when you no longer believe in yourself... I will always be here Believing in YOU, having Faith in YOU. YOU ONCE SAID TO ME " YOU GOT YOURSELF A FRIEND HERE" Now it's my turn to say the same ... YOU HAVE A FRIEND HERE WHO ALWAYS HAVE FAITH IN YOU, FOR WHO YOU TRULY ARE, FOR WHAT I KNOW YOU ARE, FOR WHAT THAT BEAUTIFUL SOUL YOU HAD SHOWN ME AND BECAUSE OF THAT... I WILL ALWAYS UNDERSTAND YOU ... You always hide in your shell but please know when ever you are ready to come out from it... "I'm just right here" Always Keeping the Faith, always believing in YOU.

PS:

There is nothing wrong with being weak sometimes, there is nothing shameful in making mistakes as long as YOU find wisdom and learn from it to grow into a Better Man ... There is nothing wrong with being Fallible, that's what Humans are cut out to be .... Fallible.... Learning from it, finding wisdom in it.... is what makes us Humane ..... "I'll be right here when you come out of that Shell:)) and I will not judge you but will respect YOU more.

Monday, January 11, 2010

For ages i just followed your bid;
Doing things for you, though ill at ease.
Heard you say things about whatever I did.
Always seeking approval,always trying to please.

But now no more putting up with the same;
Won't cut down my picture to fit your frame!
-------------------

Oh! So it is me you are afraid to lose?!
But Folks,when did you ever let me be me?
What you want of me is not what I choose.
Don't tell me what's right, just let me be!

If you make the rules,I won't play the game!
Won't cut down my picture to fit your frame!
--------------------

I care a damn what you think, is a mistake.
I am what I am;This is the way I want to live.
I just cannot keep doing things for your sake,
coz you cannot forget & you cannot forgive!!

You don't like it this way?!What a shame!
Won't cut down my picture to fit your frame!
-------------------

You don't like what I say? Go take a walk!
Will take your din no more,Will drown out the noise.
You said what you had to; it's my turn to talk
Mute for ages,now I have found my voice
Don't care what you call me;I will make a Name,
But won't cut down my picture to fit your frame! ! !

welcome!

PEHCCHHAAAAN KAUN ?????

well..i live each moment as it comes..
i dont like planning out everythng..i like to take things at the spur of d moment..
a bird with beautiful wings..ready to fly high and touch the sky and go beyond...
i knoe i'll reach there..yes..i will...!!!