Thursday, September 23, 2010

Tony Stark's Big Board of THE FUTURE!

As I mentioned yesterday, in Avengers #5 there was a huge timeline that hinted at the future of the Marvel Universe. Let's check it out one more time, shall we?

Maybe not as vague as the DC 'Future hints', but still pretty cool nonetheless.

Anyway, the way I see it, it's my duty as a blogger to address these hints and make shocking/horrible guesses as to what they pertain to. Let's do this thing, starting from the left and moving right.

Siege - I think I know what this is, and I didn't like it. Moving on.Captain America Reborn - Which I finally read, thanks to the trade being released this week. I think this is pretty self explainatory.What did Cap See? - Cap saw martians attacking and all kinds of dead heroes. I'm thinking it might be the Ultron War (which the future Avengers are stuck in), if it isn't some random martian attack.Nine Worlds in Disarray - Isn't this what's going on in Thor right now? I'm pretty sure...Heroic Age Begins - And so it did. I think it's kinda weird that Siege is before Captain America's return on the board, when it was clearly the other way around.Three - The new Fantastic Four Storyline. My money's still on Sue leaving (read: getting dead) the team.Hope Returns - This was Second Coming. I guess the X-Titles are set a little bit in the future.Spider on the Horizon - This one's probably Origin of the Species. Unless it refers to Peter having a baby. Or, in an off OFF chance, to Arana becoming Spider-Girl.Man without Fear - Shadowland. Again, it looks like this is set a bit in the future.Throwbacks - I think this is related to the next one, and involves the return of all those dead heroes in the Chaos War. Wait... since when did the Chaos War become Blackest Night?

Chaos - I mean seriously, it's an attack of the Chaos God, not the god of death. Why are all these dead heroes being recruited to fight him. Weird. Also, this is clearly referred to here.What is where Asgard Should be? - K'un-L'un is moving on up... Either that, or the people of Broxton, OK are in for a fight.Five Lights - The new, and apparently dangerous, mutants that popped up after Second Coming. Again, weird that this is here in the timeline and not sooner. I knew the X-Men were kind of out of synch with the rest of the Marvel U, but this is crazy.9.9.9 Who is worthy? - And I'm guessing of those five new mutants, only one (or half of one) will survive. I bet it's the cool one...Master of Kung Fu - The next story arc in Secret Avengers? I really doubt that Shang Chi is going to get a push...Nova Antiquus - The long awaited appearance of Ol'Timey Nova? Yes! Bring on the top hat and monocle!

Academy Traitor - It's totally Hazmat. Or Veil. I never did trust a girl who was all hot air. waka waka waka...Return of the King - Dormammu is coming back in a big way. Look for him in New Avengers by the end of next year.The Drumm of Revenge - And Brother VooDoo will be involved. I'm guessing on the bad side...Night Falls - Looks like Night Thrasher's return will be short lived. He is coming back, right?Iron Lad (Re)turns - The Young Avengers Vision will change "back" into Iron Lad after Tony remembers he can rebuild shit and puts the original back together.All Hope Lies in Doom - I hear this is a line from the Fantastic Four series. I hope it involves the Basement of Doom in the Council of Reeds (as in Richards, not saxophones)

Schizm - Civil War part 2? Be still my heart. It won't be though. It'll probably be the followup to the Bogan storyline from X-Treme X-Men that everyone's been waiting for.H:1 Stark Resiliant - Does this mean that Invincible Iron Man is waaaay out of synch with everything?Where's Wanda - I think I know where the Young Avengers series takes place. That explains how Steve is in the Captain America costume. Poor Bucky, I hope he goes to a nice prison.Galactus Seed - Galactus is gonna bang the planet. Either that or it's a plug for the new Galacta series that'll die on the vine.

Fear without Man - Daredevil's rebirth. Or future Tony was having an existential crisis.Steve's Vision - Apparently whatever Steve saw in his vision was way down the line, but not the Ultron War. I guess we should plan on Martians.Yesterday's X-Men - The return of Beak, Angel (the insect one), Thunderbird (the Indian [no, the Indian Indian, you racist!]), and Xorn. Woo!Ultron War - Ultron returns for a reunion with his father (Hank Pym), mother (Janet Van Dyne), mother-wife (Jocasta), Son (Vision), Weird Son Clone (Iron Lad, see above), Wonder Man (for kicks), and M-11 (Because Agents of Atlas have to show up in everything). Then, after a few drinks, Hank and Ultron start to fight and Ultron decides to destroy the world. Aren't family reunions the best?

Born to Burn - The Human Torch melts through a condom and knocks up some floozy. His baby is just a ball of fire and poop.

Phew.

There you go, my totally 100% (in)accurate predictions for Marvel's future. I'm sure I'll keep you posted with "I told you so"s just in case you forget how awesome I am.