Tuesday, February 05, 2008

I knew you were.And suddenlyMy eyes and mind turned inTo better seeThe person you would be.And all my lookingOnly showed meGlimpses of your tiny self,Still forming, growing,Unknown and unknowing.And though I could not know you yet,You were both with me and within,A constant partner in the journeyWe’d begun together,Part of me, yet completely new.

I felt you move.And magicallyYou came to life once more,To stake your claim upon my lifeAnd put yours in my hands, my heart.At first your trippings scared me,Made me feel I couldn’t help you, keep you safe.But as you grew and as I got to know you,I began to see that every flutter(Feather-light or bumping-heavy)Helped you strengthen hands and heart –Helped you lengthen little legs,Preparing you to come to meAnd walk the path God’s laid for you.I’ve never seen you –Not yet kissed your tiny head orFelt your little fingers curl around my own …And yet I pray so fiercely for your safety and your joy,I must have known you all my life.For how can love so deep and trueSpring from a bond so new?

I breathed and waited,Waited, breathed againFor hours and for hours,Eager now to see you, hold you,Feeling every surge for what it was …A force to carry you to me.You chose your manner of arrivalAnd in the end you needed helpBut soon enough I felt your little body on my heartJust as I’d felt you in it for so long.Before you came to meI knew not whether you would be a boy-child or a girl …But now that you are here, I seeThat never had I understood the depth ofOne small word … “son.”Three little letters carrying a world of strength,Of images and scenes …From being brave for shots with quivering chinTo soldiering off alone when school begins.I see you riding bikes and scraping knees,Wanting comfort from me, yet fiercely independent.And now I see that I had learnedTo be a mother as I carried you for months within,But to have a son …The riches of it make me weepTo know how you have already changed me.And as I gaze at you in wonder and in prideI see that, yes, indeed, I’ve known you all my lifeYour face to me is my heart’s mapAlready I have traced its pathsA hundred and a hundred times againNever tiring of the chanceTo learn more, see more of youThan I already know and hold so dear.Each day your tiny self unfoldsTo show me more of who you areAnd I am touched and honoredTo witness every treasure you reveal.For even though I know thatI am yours and you are mine,I know as well that you’ve come not just to me, but through meInto a world that you will make your ownAnd as I celebrate your learning, growing, changing,I must prepare to let you walk a pathThat’s only yours, not mine –Rejoicing in your strength and courage.

About Me

I put Carmex on my lips before I go to bed. I prefer Honeycrisp apples to any other kind. I totally married "up." My whistling is unreliable. In another life, I was a communication consultant. Oh, and I have a baby and a toddler. That IS why you're here, right?