Dowager Queen Can’t Find A Prom Date

As we noted before, Lady Baroness Lynn Forester Grey Poupon Humptydance de Rothschild and her rich buddies are deeply dissatisfied with the current buffet of candidates set out before them for their approval. You may recall, back in 2008, Lady Lynne didn’t get the President Hillary Dream White House that she specifically requested and so she decided that she would settle for Cranky GI Joe and BibleSpouting Barbie rather than the Mace Windu action figure because he was too ….um…. nubian.

This time around Lady Lynn threw her early, considerable yet obviously ineffective, support behind John Huntsman and, well, the polls seem to indicate that that that dog ain’t gonna hunt, man. So back to Plan B which is to convince the rubes to select America’s Next Pop Star President as long as he or she is acceptable to the good Lady and her Merry Band of Banksters of The Round Table . But while Americans are squabbling amongst themselves over the perfect candidate (Zombie Reagan! Rachael Ray! Taylor Hicks!) Lady Lynn has been cruising the docks (“Hey sailor! Looking for a good presidential time?“) looking for a lover who won’t blow her cover. So far, no sale:

A new group that hopes to tap into a rising appetite for a third-party presidential challenger has discovered that $30 million in secret cash can buy ballot access and attention, but not necessarily a dream candidate.

The group, Americans Elect, failed to generate interest in possible campaigns from Sens. Joe Lieberman and Lamar Alexander, and its intensive outreach to a host of other prospective candidates, including former Nebraska Sens. Chuck Hagel and Bob Kerrey, hasn’t yielded much public enthusiasm for its efforts.

Also Joe Lieberman! Now there’s a uniter…. of people who fucking hate Joe Lieberman.

But a source familiar with Americans Elect’s candidate recruitment efforts said the group has met with skepticism in Washington.

“If you want Obama out of the White House, a high-profile, third-party run from the right guarantees him a second term,” said the source. “And if you want to keep the Republican nominee out of the White House, a high-profile, third-party run from the left will get the Republican elected. Whatever the goal, third-party candidacies in the U.S. are a waste of money and time, at best, and totally counterproductive, at worst.”