TIME Offers Trump New, Slightly Different “Participation Award”

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Last week, President Donald Trump got into a bit of a war of words with the publishers of TIME Magazine. On Twitter, Mr. Trump told a story about the magazine calling him and telling him that he’d “probably” be receiving the Person of the Year award again, and wanted him to do a photo shoot with him. Trump’s tweet indicated that he turned their offer down, because he wanted certainty that he’d receive it.

Time Magazine called to say that I was PROBABLY going to be named “Man (Person) of the Year,” like last year, but I would have to agree to an interview and a major photo shoot. I said probably is no good and took a pass. Thanks anyway!

The feud between TIME and the president was at a stand-still until this morning, when the magazine announced it was going to offer an award to Trump, after all. The award would be called, “The Garbage Person of the Year” and would be handed to Trump because he, in the words of TIME’s assistant deputy media liaison, “is the epitome of what happens when you marry garbage and humanity.”

“Over this first year of his presidency,” Time’s spokesperson said in a statement, “President Trump has trashed the Constitution, the Senate, the Judiciary, and the media, all of which are fundamental institutions of the very American government he’s ostensibly in charge of one-third of. This alone would at least nominate him for GPOY.”

But, TIME says, there’s more that qualifies Trump to win the award outright.

“Mr. Trump also managed to imply that people who are zealous in their defense against Nazism are in fact as bad as the Nazis themselves,” TIME said, “and so for his ‘On All Sides’ comment, Trump is being offered this award. Though we could have spent a year or more describing all the ways in which Trump has shown himself to be a Garbage Person this year.”

“Frankly, we thought it would be an insult to both garbage and people if we didn’t give this one to Trump,” TIME’s spokesperson admitted.

TIME says they wanted to use this new award as a way to extend an olive branch to Trump, and perhaps put the magazine and the president back on better footing.

“The president’s ego is both legendary, and self-evidently the only thing that matters to him,” TIME explained. “So we wanted to give President Trump something so he could feel like he at least was in the running, a participation award, if you will.”