funny

His book, "The Keys" hits stores this November 22nd, and will be found near the "Success, Motivation & Self-Esteem" section on your local bookstore's shelves.

The hip-hop producer promises to provide such tips for success as "don't drive your jet ski in the dark."

His publisher is promising that the book will answer your pressing questions, like "[breaking] down the philosophy behind his trending catchphrases, including 'another one,' 'secure the bag,' 'special cloth alert,' 'bless up' and more."

The book description sounds more like Khaled is fleeing from an oppressive Scientology group than writing from a producer's perspective (who are the THEY he is afraid of?):

We can agree--whether with our parents over how much they cost, or at our friends for not letting us rip off their heads or cut off their hair--we have all had anger toward them at some point in our lives.

Enter Betches and their definitive ranking of the American Girls by Betchiness.

We get the glory of seeing that entitled historical b*tch Samantha, finally getting put in her place.

...and seeing Josefina Montoya--pronounced "HO-SEF-INA" (I know, because I used to work there and was REQUIRED to correct people who called in to order one, fun times)--put in her damn place brings me NO END of pleasure:

Plus with randos like Caroline Abbott...

...you will feel the satisfying burn of familiar hatred sparked within the childlike center of your soul.

The good folks over at Estately Blog have an excellent sense of humor.

They "placed our minds in the gutter and spent days looking over detailed maps and scrutinizing the names of all cities, towns, and unincorporated communities for anything that sounded even remotely sexual or perverse."

Have a laugh and enjoy their intended "The Master List of the Most Obscene Town Names in America," as you make your next vacation plans.

Also check out their list of Oddest Town Names in each State as you ponder over the sexual issues of the people of Tennessee...

Oh Amy, how we love you so. Check out 4:15 in the video, where Amy Schumer reveals her sexual history with Patrick Stewart, as she accepted her Man of the Year Award for Best Woman at the British GQ awards ceremony.

Anyone out there wanna be the best like no one ever was - but in the sheets?...Well these Pokémon-inspired dildos might be just what you're looking for.Specifically, 'Pokémoan' is a creation from Geeky Sex Toys, a workshop of self-proclaimed 'cheeky nerds', currently based out of Brisbane, Australia. Brace yourself folks, cause some of the following images aren't exactly 'office-friendly'!

Sometimes we lose ourselves amidst the pursuit to catch 'em all...Let's just hope that this fool over in Milford, Michigan wasn't actually trying to catch a Parasect before he was apprehended by police authorities.

Chief Thomas Lindberg said the man (William Wilcox) just made it easy, by showing up. Wilcox, a repeat offender with a warrant out for his arrest, ended up right in front of the men that'd go on to take him into custody.

"It was a misdemeanor warrant for a failure to appear on a breaking and entering charge," Lindberg said. "They approached him. Took him in custody without incident and he admitted he was trying to catch the character at the flagpole."

But it seems like he isn't that happy about the comparison and his fans DEFINITELY aren't. The Daily Dot posted this rant by a fan that was posted in the Facebook group Stryper Strong and has now been deleted:

Ok, we've all now seen at least a dozen times the Ted Cruz looks like Michael in one photo from 1983. I've been tagged, had it forwarded to me and have deleted countless postings on the Stryper page that I am webmaster for. First, stop it! Second, it's making fun of the band and my best friends. Third, it's making fun of anyone who dares be a fan (in other words....YOU). I don't like ANY of that! I discussed this with Michael the day he posted it and the only reason he posted was because of the free press that comes from it. He didn't like the post either and removed the original persons name from it. It has now grown to the point of being ridiculous. So, can I ask everyone to not post it anymore and to move on? Can we all agree on that? Can I get a like or comment of agreement on this? Sorry, it isn't funny anymore. (Never was).

Every once in a while it is necessary to give your cat a bath. Hopefully, this guy really needed it because, judging by his 'thousand yard stare', he did not enjoy it. Or, maybe he was just a little surprised that his picture was taken. Now, to make matters worse, he's become the focus of a hilarious Photoshop battle.