Things I can't

Travelling all around the world, Harry left Hayley with only her eyes to wipe, untold words, a broken promise and a shattered heart.But some things can't be erased : a past full of memories she'd rather forget but always will cherish, and an indelible mark, bonding them, forever will remain.Three little words engraved in her skin and meaningless now that he's gone.

23. And for Harry ?

When I woke up in the morning, indeed, he was there as he promised. He was still sleeping, slightly snorting. I smiled while looking at him sleeping like a little baby; I could have watched him for the rest of my life. He looked so carefree, in peace with himself, he was content with living his life as it came. I wished I could be like him; everything would be simpler. I would have gotten over Harry and moved on since a while but no, I was not that kind of person. I was just a weak person among many others. As I was in my thoughts, I didn't notice that Niall had woken up and now was staring at me. It was his hug that made me come back to reality. He held me tight and after a few seconds, still in his arms, my back against his chest, he broke the silence."You seem distant, what are you thinking about ?""Just that I wanted to be like you," I said looking straight in front of me."Mind me asking you why ?" he replied with a little laugh."To forget Harry..." my voice faded on that name."You know Hayley, if I often moved on so easily it was because none of those people were worthed it. It was not the same for you and Harry. There was a true and strong love between the two of you; everyone could see it, even if right now you don't because of all that happened lately. But let me tell you just one thing: I've pratically spent all my days with him since you two broke up; I've seen all what he went through and I can assure you that everything he told you when you were at the hospital was true. And to clear things up, I'm not telling you all this just because Harry is my friend, but because you're the little sister that life didn't give me. I would never lie to you; I just want you to be happy whoever is by your side. Just think about it Hayl'. Now I have to leave and get ready, we're invited in a big amaerican show, you can watch it on the TV if you mind it."He kissed my cheek, winked at me and then left my room. I just stared at where he left, sitting on my bed, legs crossed and speechless. What a waking up !

I didn't get news from my mom since 2 days.. Yeah okay it was my fault. She must be really worried. Even though I was scared that she would still want to take me back to Holmes Chapel with her, I decided to text her; nothing can replace a mother.After that I decided to call Tamara; it had been such a long time since our last call, she would be really upset. I told her everything without omitting any detail. She gave me some advices, and after 2 hours on the phone we hung up. I really missed her but I couldn't go back home, at least not now. It was strange that I wanted to stay with all that was happening in my my life since I was in New York. I guessed it was because I wanted to know what would happen next. Maybe I was just crazy...

After my breakfast, I was back in my room (I was like a real vampire, always locked up in the same small place). Suddenly someone knocked at the door. I opened it to see my mom back to me, staring at the door of the boys' room. I started to stress a little about what she was going to say to me. I was about to speak when she cut me off. To my surprise, her tone was calm and full of ... compassion ?"Let me speak first sweetheart. These few days away from you without any contact made me think. You're not a child anymore, you'll always be my baby but you're 20 now, I have to let you fly with your own wings. It's your life and your choices, not mine. If you want to stay here, it's your choice; if you want to give Harry a second a chance, it's your choice too. But promise me you'll be careful, you've already been through so much... I don't want to lose you because of bad choices," her voice cracked at the end of her sentence. She was now crying. I took her in my arms and made her come in the room, closing the door with my foot. We sat on the sofa."You're never gonna lose me, I'm not a girl with suicidal tendencies. I know that I have some of the most awesome people of the world around me to help me when I'm down; and you'll always be the first one. Don't worry," I told her, hugging her tighter than ever. She looked up at me, smiling weakly while I was wipping away her tears."And for Harry .. ?" she whispered, looking at me straight in the eyes. I avoided her look and stood up from the sofa to walk toward the window. "I don't know, I'm still confused. Niall seems really sincere when he ..." I couldn't finish my sentence. "Oh, Speaking of Niall, how is he? You have always been good friends and you used to be really close. He's a good guy." I looked back at her, she had a big smile on her face. "Woaw woaw woaw ! I'm stopping you right now; I love Niall, but he is a big brother and role model to me. He's essential in my life but not the way you'd like to. I would never date him.""If you say so," she simply replied, standing up. "I let you, call me if you need anything. Love you." she said as she was opening the door. "Love you too," I said before she left.

It was almost time for the show Niall talked to me about earlier. I only wachted it because it reminded me of Tamara and I's long days when she was watching every shows with the boys on it while I was pretending to be asleep. Harry looked really tired, he had dark rings under his eyes as if he hadn't slept for a week, red eyes from crying too much. One more time it was my fault. It was too much to handle. I turned off the TV and went lose my eyes in the vastness of New York on my balcony, regardless of the snow and the cold. After a while I took my phone and started to write.

"I'd never have thought I would ever use this phone number again. I know you've told me to erase it from my phone. I don't know why I kept it despite everything. How funny destiny is... Anyway, I just wanna tell you : please stop tiring yourself with all this story, you need to rest ! I've seen you on the TV, you're not in a good health at all. And live your life to the fullest now that you know I've never forgotten you. This is all I'm asking for. Take care, Harry. Hayley x"