As the season of proms, graduation and parties kicks into high gear, parents should be talking regularly with their teenage children about alcohol, drugs and safety, says Dr. Karen Leslie, director of the substance abuse program at The Hospital for Sick Children.

“The struggle for parents is that, to some degree, trying alcohol or maybe something else during adolescence is sort of a normative behaviour,” says Leslie, adding that open communication should occur all through the year leading up to these rites of passage.

But many parents struggle with how to reconcile the likelihood a teenager may try alcohol or other drugs with their hope that the teen will abstain.

Each family will have different expectations for their teen, but parents need to be clear and consistent about their stance on alcohol and drug use and stress that they are there to help no matter what, advises Leslie, who suggests first broaching the topic around Grade 7 or 8 when some kids are beginning to experiment.

“Parents need to be able to have that open conversation so that their kids know where they stand but also that their kids are really clear that if they get into trouble — if they need a ride home ... or any time they feel unsafe — that they can call on their parents.”

Leslie says parents should ask teens where they’re going, whether there will be adult supervision, whether there may be alcohol present, and set a time and plan for getting home.

She also advises parents watch for signs teens may be in more serious trouble. These include poor school performance, changes in self-care, changes in a teen’s ability to function or frequently coming home late. These warning signs could signal a problem with substance abuse, bullying or even a mental health problem.

“Parents are really in the best position to be able to notice this, because they’re experts in their kids,” said Leslie. While some changes are part of normal adolescence, if it’s extreme, it’s time for a more serious conversation.

Try to choose a time that isn’t emotionally charged — when a teen has come home late and intoxicated is likely not a good time for a heart-to-heart — and communicate your concerns, says Leslie.

If teens don’t want to discuss it with parents, offer an alternative: a family doctor or a school guidance counsellor, for example.

“Give the young person an option, ‘I’d really like you to speak with someone if not me,’” Leslie suggests.

More on thestar.com

We value respectful and thoughtful discussion. Readers are encouraged to flag comments that fail to meet the standards outlined in our
Community Code of Conduct.
For further information, including our legal guidelines, please see our full website
Terms and Conditions.