When a man died, his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.

No sooner were the papers delivered than a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea."
Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I knew he died of diarrhea. But I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."

George, Robin and Alex are standing at the Gates of Heaven being interviewed by St. Peter.

"Ok you, George, how many times did you cheat on your wife??"

"Let me be honest Peter. I've been seeing at least two or three different women a year all my married life".

"Ok, your car in heaven is that Hyundai Santro there. Goodbye."

St. Peter turns to Robin, "How many times did you cheat on your wife??"

Robin replies, "I must admit that in fifteen years of marriage I did cheat on my wife twice."

St. Peter says, "OK, your car in heaven is that Honda Civic. Here are the keys. Get going!"

He then looks at Alex, "And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife??"

Alex lifts his head high and replies, "I am proud to say that in over twenty years of marriage, I never cheated on my wife. In fact, my beloved has been dead for two years now and I remained celibate the whole time!"