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I’ve been known to break from tradition a time or two, and this is sure one of those times. WrestleMania X was at its original location in New York City buuuuut repeated the same main event from the year prior. I refuse to have to review another Yokozuna match so I picked the real main event of this sub par card with good reason. For the first time in history, a ladder match was displayed and just as Paul Rudd did in Halloween 6, they stole the show.

Keeping with history, I’m currently enjoying my first DIPA from Trillium Brewing Company. This one holds another sweet spot for me as they hail from my home state of Massachusetts. My good friends Kyle & Mike sent me this gem to cure my homesickness (totally a word) and I can’t thank them enough. Dialed in (with chardonnay and gewürztraminer juice) is glorious in its execution, even though I couldn’t tell you what the fuck gewürztraminer juice is. This 8.5% beauty is smooth as can be and with just the right amount of hoppy goodness.

…and now back to our regularly scheduled programming. Diesel, the muscle for Shawn Michaels, has just been thrown out as his alleged interference was too much for the referee. With the sides even now, Razor Ramon takes matters into his own hands and reveals the concrete floor with dastardly intentions. As per usual in wrestling this would be used against him as he’s thrown over the top rope with a sickening thud. The ladder is now in play as Michaels climbs to the top, but Razor is stirring and in desperation he exposes the buttocks of Michaels to get him down.

(You know you laughed at “buttocks”, always a good laugh.)

Anything is legal in this matchup as Hickenbottom (oops. Fun fact is that Shawn Michaels real name is Michael Hickenbottom) is using the ladder as a weapon and pummeling the back of Ramon. Razor then returns the favor with a slingshot that sends Michaels face first in the ladder. This match was historic due to the non violence aka PG version of wrestling at the time and this showed a shift in the industry. The battle for the undisputed Intercontinental Championship was on as both men were battling from the top of the ladder, resulting in Michaels being hip tossed from the top!!! Ooooh the humanity!! The innovation of Shawn was showcased beautifully as the ladder was used in every situation possible.

Michaels goes up, Razor is stirring and shoulder checks the ladder and the heartbreak kid gets tangled in the ropes. The chance is there!!! Razor goes up as Michaels untangles himself only to get his arm ensconced in the ropes. Razor is up, Razor is at the top of the ladder, Razor gets the belts!!! Aaaannnnddd NEEEEWWW Undisputed Intercontinental Champion!!!!

WrestleMania 7 was a prickly one. The original venue in Los Angeles was moved for reasons unknown into a smaller venue. I’m just going to guess it’s because the line up sucked. Wrestling nerdery aside, it sucked. The main event was lackluster at best, once again pitting…guess who…

Nothing?…

Come on. You know who…
Yeah, Hulk Hogan shows up again– for the 6th year– against Sergeant Slaughter, you know of G.I Joe fame. He came in as WWF Champion. The controversy here was that Slaughter was an Iraqi sympathizer and turned his back on America and America didn’t really appreciate that. Completely off subject: I just had to mention that Alex Trebek is the ring announcer and Regis Philbin is doing color commentary. WrestleMania 7 in a nutshell but first, here is Austin Powers in a nutshell…

The U.S.A laden Hulk Hogan promised justice and a new WWF Championship reign. Will he be a man of his word?…

????….

Now the Peach A Rita all makes sense right??!! Shitty main event means a shitty beer/malt beverage thingamajig. Not much to say but it’s a heavily carbonated, slightly Peach flavored, very interesting tasting liquid. That’s my review and I’m sticking to it.

Momentum is swinging in many directions as USA chants are deafening. I feel like the only equivalent to this match would be pitting Bernie Sanders vs Donald Trump (who is actually sitting front row in the audience) but maybe that’s just me. Not a wrestling clinic by any means, the usual atomic drops, clotheslines, and 10 count punches were in full effect. General Adnan (you can’t make this shit up) was a huge distraction on the outside while Hogan went to the top rope but was knocked off by the opposing Slaughter…
No Slaughter of the 80’s, not you. The actual Slaughter used a steel chair and Hogan is busted open!!! Hogan is busted open!!! The Iraqi flag is in play and Hogan is doing his classic no sell. It’s only a matter of time now as the crimson mask flows down the face of the challenger and just like that it’s…

Big Boot…Leg Drop…

1…2…3!!

Hogan is once again the WWF Champion for the 10,000th time. Will he headline his 7th WrestleMania???

For all the #craftnotcrap hashtags, why is it out of the realm of possibility that craft beer can sometimes not be good. All beer snobbery aside (you know my stance on that) just because it’s craft, doesn’t mean it’s good. I’ve had my fair share of craft beer that was pretty gross and would never indulge in again. You can’t win them all but at the same time to think just because it’s craft it’s good, and at the same token think just because it’s macro, it’s bad is straight up…

Have you ever had a bad craft beer? I know you have and it’s ok to admit because sometimes beers don’t always work. Whether it’s the microest of brews or the macro mecca, don’t judge a beer by its label.

Deuce is two, meaning the second WrestleMania, meaning I used the expression doozy, mea- well you know what I mean…

Right?

Anyway this WrestleMania might’ve been even more historic then the first, as it was held in three different cities, each with a different line up of wrestlers, all airing at the same time!!

Yes John, nuts isn’t it??

Hulk Hogan reprieves his role as the baby face in the main event against King Kong Bundy in a STEEEEEL CAGE MATCH!! Some said that Hogan was done and he was a dead man walking, which leads me to the wonderfully delicious brewski(s) I’m about to drink to my face. Walking Dead Blood Orange IPA by Terrapin Beer Co is a delightfully flavorful beer at 7.7% ABV. I can go either way on blood orange brews, as I had the 2016 version in a bomber, and was underwhelmed. I’m a sucker for beer in cans, so when they just recently canned it, I was intrigued and thought to myself, “Maybe 2017 will be better.” Luckily for me Terrapin came through and was a great accompaniment to this match up.

Fucking Elvira is filling in on announcing duties, Ricky Schroeder is the guest time keeper, and Tommy Lasorda came out to MC the whole goddamned thing, you can’t make this shit up. It’s wrestling and I wouldn’t want it any other way. If you had these three in your office pool, congrats.

Hogan (with ribs heavily taped) looks simply outmatched to the ginormous Bundy as the only way to win is to escape the cage and both feet hit the floor. Attempted clothesline, Hulk ducks underneath, Hogan changes course and Bundy is thrown into the reinforced cage, and Bundy is busted open!! Bundy is busted open!! Hogan goes for the body slam but to no avail as the weight of Bundy is just too much. Hulk seems to be a sitting duck and about to lose his championship and…

Wait a minute, he got up??

He’s not feeling any pain??

Oh my god I can’t believe it, Hogan is back up. He hurls Bundy into the ropes and…

No fucking way…

BODYSLAM!!! BODYSLAM!! Bundy is down and then the ever powerful leg drop!!

A handful of tights and a weasel of a manager Bobby Heenan can’t stop the immortal one from capturing another victory. WrestleMania Deuce is in the books to match the two beers I just inhaled. What will WrestleMania 3 have to offer??