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Day 8: A Public Breakup

Things used to be so simple. We worked well together. I understood you, and related to you, and thought I knew exactly who you were and what you wanted from me. We grew up together. You gave me your approval; told me I was right, and awarded me with gold stars.

But you’ve changed. Or maybe, perhaps, I just never knew who you truly were. After time, you started imposing all these new rules in our relationship. I didn’t understand why they were necessary, but I went along with it because I cared for you and remembered the good days, and wanted to make you happy. You started hanging out with a strange crowd, and I’m not comfortable with these new friends you’ve made.

Calculus, Trigonometry, and Algebra; they aren’t the kind of people I would choose for myself, let’s just put it that way. They’ve changed you into something unrecognizable to me. And I see the way Physics and Chemistry use you, though you think they’re furthering your career and helping you out. It’s making you insecure. You keep asking me if you’re greater than this, or less than that.

These days, all you want me to do is solve your problems. And I just don’t know how to do that anymore. I don’t even understand what you’re asking me. You no longer trust me. You need me to prove myself over and over again. I know you’ve been getting mad that I’ve been discussing our relationship with my friends, but I need their help; I just can’t manage you on my own. I’ll even admit that sometimes they’re the ones who find the answers I give you.

What I’m trying to say is, I can’t do it anymore. You constantly test me and play mind games with me. You ask me questions you know there are no answers to. You yell incomprehensible things at me: “Find X! Find X!” I do not know who your X is, and I do not want to find her. Your appearance is worsening. You used to be clean and easy to look at, but now you’re a jumbled up mess, and I always have to rearrange you just to make you semi-recognizable to me. You’re scary and unbalanced and I worry that you’re getting infinitely closer to zero.

Math, it’s over. I tried my best. I went to tutorials to try and figure you out, but you never put any effort into figuring me out. I realize now that this relationship has always been one-sided, and I can no longer put in so much and get nothing back.