I'm glad you got the courage to weigh in. Now you know where you're starting from, and you're only going down from here.

The freaking out if you lost weight really isn't that nuts, but it does have an emotional component. Here's my take on it, which I learned because I had the same problem. Although you hate it, you're comfortable with your fat and it protects you, and when you see yourself letting go of that protection, it can be quite scary. In fact, you can get quite panicky about it. I hope that you'll post here or talk to someone when you get those feelings because they can be overwhelming. I'm not trying to scare you, but hopefully let you know that others have been there, too, and we've still managed to succeed (or partially succeed as in my case) on this journey.

oh flowerstorm... you've taken a major step here. breathe. it's ok. you'll be fine. it's best to know the reality of what you're dealing with.

as for the freaking out when you lose weight... oh yes... i always feel like i'm disappearing!!! so i've had LOTS of work to do on that one... and decided that being strong would help me with it. so that's the major big reason i've been using weights.

you will find your own path. i promise.

__________________Start your day with a smile, and get it over with.Keeping it off is a hundred decisions a day that help you maintain what you achieved. And that's the hard part. - L Sanders

I know what you mean. I just went to the doctors today for a repeat pap and ended up weighing 294 that is up from the last time I weighed in. It is a true bummer!!! I don't know if mine is from doing more of a work out or if it is just from gaining wieght. But either way it sucks.