Every Woman on Earth Too Busy to Film Walmart’s Oscars Propaganda

Last night’s Oscars celebrated not just the soaring wonder of the great art form known as “film,” but also the way in which everything we love about film can be co-opted by one of the worst corporations in America, so long as they’re willing to pay the right people enough money.

During the broadcast, Walmart ran a series of ads boasting of its ability to provide bananas at a low cost. (Just don’t ask how they do it.) But the ads weren’t just run of the mill filler, instead they were mini-movies directed by four well-known and respected veterans of Hollywood: Antoine Fuqua (Training Day), Marc Forster (Monster’s Ball, Finding Neverland), and Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg (pair behind Superbad, Pineapple Express etc.).

You may be wondering many things about this arrangement, such as “Is Seth Rogen really so desperate for money that he has to shill for fucking Walmart?” Another might be, “Only male directors, eh?” That second question was answered by Walmart’s Twitter account this morning in extremely hilarious fashion:

We did reach out to women directors and it didn’t work out, mainly due to scheduling.