Following our interview, news broke that the FBI and U.S. Attorney’s office released “investigative impediments” on Brian Bowen, setting up a potential return to the UofL basketball team. The university would have to conduct its own investigation to clear Bowen, but if the FBI can’t see a path where the player was aware of his father getting money from adidas, it is hard to imagine that UofL’s investigation could drill down further than federal authorities.

Rick Pitino and I have had some fascinating, insightful radio interviews over the years. Will he ever return to my microphones for another long form conversation? Here’s how our chat ended.

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Meiners: “Are you going to watch University of Louisville basketball games or any university athletic pursuits?”

Pitino: “I’ll be rooting for all the coaches at U of L. I’ll be rooting for my players, David Padgett, I’ll be rooting for them every single game. I want them to go on and win the national championship … David is one of my players. I think the world of him. I hope he has great success and certainly nothing but praying that they go on and have great years.”

Meiners: “Coach Pitino, great talking to you, we’ll do it again down the road.”

Pitino: “Terry, probably we won’t, but you’ve been a good friend and I thank you for having me. I’ll say goodbye to you for a long time, and you be well and say hello to your beautiful wife.”

#WeTheFuture is a sea of hope that the Cards will rise again. Nonetheless, a hearty thank you and applause to Rick Pitino, Tom Jurich, and a vast collection of coaches who’ve raised UofL athletics success to unprecedented heights.

Earlier today, Jurich was offered a relatively miniscule buyout if he resigned before the University of Louisville board of trustees voted to fire him. He declined the offer and was then told the school is considering filing a lawsuit against him. No other details were given.

Legal teams for both Pitino and Jurich were given very short appearances before the boards. Pitino lawyer Steve Pence said he had “a well prepared and solid one hour presentation” at Monday’s hearing yet there wasn’t “a single question from the board.”

After just 9 minutes before the board today, Jurich’s legal team remained outside Grawemeyer Hall for hours until the final decision was rendered. By a vote of 10-3, Jurich’s services were terminated with cause.

The Jurich legal team issued a gracious statement that offers thanks to all supporters but ends:

“With that said, Tom has instructed us to vigorously defend his rights and reputation under his long-standing contract with the University of Louisville.”

Meanwhile, the board of trustees moves ahead with well-loved David Padgett as acting coach, and successful businessman Vince Tyra as acting athletics director.

David Padgett

Both great guys, both with yeoman’s work ahead of them serving the administration and fan base.

UofL long ago gained peer status with the University of Kentucky. Just as Florida has to recognize the strength of Florida State, Oklahoma with Oklahoma State, and Alabama with Auburn, the worry today is that Louisville shrinks to a city school like Cincinnati compared to Ohio State.

And that’s not really about athletics, it’s about state funding, research grants, and alum donations. To borrow a football phrase, feed the studs.

Why oust Jurich over repeat problems with one coach out of 23 major teams? Because he refused to fire Pitino when directed to do so multiple times this summer. This was long before the FBI’s shoe company money investigation was revealed.

Who pushed the agenda? Gov. Matt Bevin recently told me that he does not direct his university board appointees in any way. “I appoint competent, successful people on those boards…I do not tell them how to vote on any issue.”

The guy directing these UofL personnel decisions is board chair David Grissom, 82, taking over the post last January. His “clean the house” strategy has set the university on a path of financial struggles that will likely linger long after his death.

He began mopping up multiple money messes in the foundation and academic departments. Fragging the athletics department gained steam as the year wore on.

Jurich ran a surging athletics department that exponentially grew the value and prominence of University of Louisville athletics. A school that used to play conference foes Drake, North Texas State, and St. Louis now enjoys ACC rivalries with Duke, North Carolina, and Florida State.

Previous UofL administrators were impressed by Jurich’s success and used it to shine light on the rest of the university. Presidents John Shumaker, James Ramsey, Neville Pinto, and current interim President Greg Postel also threw shade at Jurich. Most were miffed that Jurich ran what he considered an autonomous athletics department.

At the August celebration for the $160 million deal with Adidas, the head table featured Jurich, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, Governor Bevin, business superstar Junior Bridgeman, and two executives from the shoe company. Interim President Greg Postel was three tables away in relative obscurity.

Oh, there’ll be no more seating smackdowns going forward.

What happens now? City pride dives even further. Attention wanes. Hey look! There’s a soccer stadium going up over there!

UofL’s administration is in full control again but devaluation of Cardinal athletics is sure to follow just as LouCity FC’s stock rises.

Job 1 for Vince Tyra is convincing fans, advertisers, school donors, and boosters to keep paying the current rates.

But will that happen with an elongated step down in performance? Why would an advertiser who was pushed to pay $50,000 for an arena sign + program ad + stadium announcement of sponsorship pay that now? How about $8,000 instead? How about $5,000?

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And there is this: In 2010, Yum Brands signed a bargain priced 10 year arena naming rights deal that is not expected to be renewed. Leadership at Yum Brands continues shipping its top management and muscle to Dallas as its investment in Louisville slips.

Taxpayers were originally promised that naming rights would fetch $40 million. Yum got it for $13.5 million. Plus, the TIF is a stiff.

John Schnatter salutes at today’s UofL board of trustees meeting (photo by Matt Stone, The Courier-Journal)

When available in 2020, Papa John’s founder John Schnatter is the most likely candidate to rename the arena for his pizza company. Schnatter craftily waited for a fire sale price on naming rights for the football stadium back in 1998.

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If the NCAA comes to strike down the 2013 UofL championship banner and even kill off men’s basketball for a season, imagine the economic impact on both the school and the city. Downtown restaurants and boutiques are choked out. Bars get a lot less traffic.

The arena debt issue has been patched for the short term but payments will soon double when the loan principle comes due. Vastly reduced revenues mean vastly increased pressure on the taxpayers.

Get ready to hitch your belt. No matter how you feel about the power swap at UofL, we will all feel its pinch soon enough.

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One last thought on the board of trustees. Shouldn’t all of them have some skin in the game?

YOU MAKE ME SICK WITH ALL YOUR U OF SMELL RAH-RAH-RAH NONSENSE, YOU BALD HAIRED, TWO BIT, TRAITOR TURNCOAT WENT-TO-U-UH-KAY-BUT-ACT-LIKE-YOU-LOVE THE CARDINAL CRIMINALS. I HEERED THE BAD NEWS. THEM RADIO RATS AT I HEART & WH&S AND THE 790-KRD DONE RENEWED THEIR VOWS WITH THE ENEMA U OF SMELL CARDINAL BIRDS UNTIL THE YEAR TWUNNY TWUNNY TWO. IT’S DISGUSTERCATING, DADGUMMIT.

WHY IN THE SAM HILL DOES KENTUCKY’S #1 RADIO STATION GIANT SIGNAL BLOW TORCH WH&S WANT TO PUMP OUT FIFTY THOUSAND WATTS OF CARDINAL CRIMINAL ACTIVITY WHEN YOU ALL COULD BE ON THERE TAWKIN UP THE GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS? IT DON’T MAKE NO SENSE, YOU IDIOTS. WHO YOU GONNA PROMOTE NEXT ON THERE, ISIS?

WH&S IS POSED TO BE A KENTUCKY WILDCATS RADIATOR STATION ONLY. ALL THAT BIG PIRE HELPS ALL THE GOOD AND CLASSY U UH KAY FANS HEAR THE WILDCATS GAMES PLAYIN OFF ANYTHING METAL, LIKE CARS UP ON BLOCKS, STOVES SETTIN ON FRONT PORCHES, AND THE METAL PLATES INSIDE GRANDADDY’S HEAD. BUT NAW, Y’ALL DONE MADE ANOTHER DEAL WITH THE RED DEVIL…THE U OF SMELL DEN OF SIN, WHERE SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, STRIPPER POLE, TOOTHLESS, MAKIN BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK, OBAMA PHONE, G.E.D. FLUNKIN CARDINAL FANS GIT TO HEAR ALL THEIR LOSERVILLE TAWK SHOWS WHERE THEY LIE ABOUT THE CATS. U OF SMELLERS LIE ABOUT U UH KAY MARCH MADNESS FAILRUES, FOOTBAW FAILURES, AND ACCUSE THE GOOD & CLASSY COACH CAL OF CHEATIN.

DADGUMMIT, SOME SHOVEL HEAD U OF SMELL IDIOT WAS ON A LITTLE WHILE AGO PRAISING THEM INJIANNER HOOSIERS FOR BREAKING KENTUCKY HEARTS IN MARCH MADNESS. HE SAID THAT COACH CAL WAS LIKE TED CRUZ, THINKIN ABOUT BASKETBAW RINGS BUT WE CAINT WIN ‘EM NO MORE. I’D LIKE TO RING YOUR NECK, LOSER. COACH CAL KNOWS IT’S CALLED A RIM. AND ANOTHER U OF SMELL LOUDMOUTH WAS ON WH&S LAUGHING AT HOW COACH CAL CAINT LOSES WITH ALL THEM MACDONALD ALL AMERICANS WHILE LITTLE VILLER-NOVA WINS IT ALL WITH NOBODIES. YOU OBNOXIOUS U OF SMELL TAUNTERS AINT GOOD AND CLASSY LIKE U UH KAY FANS.

LARRY, AS LONG AS Y’ALL WH&S PEOPLE IS TAUNTIN U UH KAY WITH YOUR RENEWED LOVE AFFAIR WITH LOSERVILLE, WHY DON’T Y’ALL GO AHEAD AND START RUNNIN INJIANNER GAMES! AND WESS-CONSIN, TOO! I BETCHA Y’ALL WOULD CARRY ROBERT MORRIS GAMES JUST TO HURT US CAT FANS EVEN MORE. IF I WAS RUNNIN U UH KAY, I WOULD JUST GIT SOME COAL MINER TO PUT A GIANT RADIO TIRE ON TOP OF RUMP ARENER AND PUMP OUT A MILLION WATTS OF NOTHIN BUT U UH KAY TAWK 24/7. WE WOULDN’T NEED NO TRAITOR TURNCOAT WH&S U OF SMELL LOVIN FRAUDS NO MORE.

Ashley Judd, ultimate Cats fan

LET’S JUST START UP W-C-A-T….WILDCATS RADIO, BLASTIN A SIGNAL UP INTO THE WILD BIG BLUE YONDER. I WON’T CAW YOUR STUPID SHOW NO MORE. NAW. I WILL BE THE MARNIN HOST ON W-C-A-T WILDCATS RADIO AND TAWK ABOUT THE CATS BEIN GREAT AND LOSERVILLE GOIN IN THE TARLIT. THEN AT LUNCHTIME MATT JONES COULD TAKE OVER FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. WE WOULD PUMP HAPPY U UH KAY NEWS TO THE EN-TIRE U-NITED STATES AND ALL THE WAY OUT TO MARS SO MATT DAMON OR ANY OTHER ASTRONAUT STUCK UP THERE COULD CHEER FOR THE CATS!

IS YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK STILL HIDING OUT UP ON BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN? I HEAR TELL HE DONE TAWKED TO THE NC2A AND ALL HE DONE WAS SHAKE HIS HEAD NO TO EVER QUESTION LIKE HE’S SLING BLADE. THE NC2A INVESTERGATOR WOULD AST QUESTIONS ABOUT WHO GOT THE MONEY FOR THEM PROSTERTUTES AND SLICK RICK WOULD JUST GRUNT BACK “Y’ALL GOT ANY FRENCH FRIED BU-TATERS?” OH, GO AHEAD AND PLAY DUMB, SLICK. NOW THAT THEY DONE LET NARTH CARAMALINER OFF THE HOOK FOR IMAGINARY CLASSES I’M SURE THEY AIN’T GONNA DO NOTHIN OVER SOME MIDDLE AGE SKANKS DANCIN AROUND NEKKID.

self-proclaimed madam and prostitute Katina Powell, author of the book Breaking Cardinal Rules, claiming that she provided U of L players and recruits with sexual partners over a four year period

DADGUMMIT, THERE WAS ABOUT A HUNDERD THOUSAND NEKKED MIDDLE AGE LOSERVILLE SKANKS DANCIN AT THUNDER OVER LOSERVILLE AND AIN’T NOBODY CARED CUZ Y’ALL AINT GOT NO MORALS. YOU SUCK, WH&S. NEXT TIME I HEAR A U OF SMELL COACH SHOW ON THERE I’M GONNA BE LIKE BEYONCE AND TAKE A BASEBAW BAT TO SMASH MY RADIO. I KNOW ONE THING FOR SURE, BALDY. YOU AIN’T BECKY WITH THE GOOD HAIR. GIT OFF MY PHONE, YOU SNAGGLE TOOTH CARDINAL APOLOGIST. Y’ALL GO AHEAD AND BROADCAST U OF SMELL GAMES. JUST MAKE SURE YOU CRANK IT UP LOUD FOR THE KENTUCKY GAME SO ALL YOUR PINHEAD CARDINAL FANS CAN HEAR COACH CAL BEATIN YOU FOR THE NINTH TIME IN A ROW! FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! GO CATS! GO BIG BLUE!

SHUT YOUR SNAGGLE TOOTH MOUTH ABOUT U UH KAY GONNA HAVE TO PLAY THEM NASTY INJIANNER HOOSIER DADDIES. WE AIN’T AFRAID OF NO TOM CREAM AND YOGI THE BEAR. THEM INJIANNER FANS IS A BUNCH OF COURT STORMIN’ LITTLE BROTHERS WHO WISH THEY WAS KENTUCKY. BRING ‘EM ON, DADGUMMIT.

U UH KAY OPENS AGAINST THE STONEYBROOK THEATER USHERS AND INJIANNER GOT CHATTERNOOGA CHOO CHOO. SO WE IS BOTH GONNA WIN. LET’S GO AHEAD AND PLAY A DOUBLEHEADER THURSDEE NIGHT AND GIT IT OVER WITH.

OL BOB THUGGINS CAINT OVERPIRE THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS CUZ WE GOT A WHOLE FRONT LINE FULL OF GUYS WHO IS #1 IN COMMITIN FLAGRANT FOULS SO DON’T TRY TO GO U.F.C. ON US. SPEAKIN OF LETTERS, USC MIGHT AS WELL BE CALLED U.S. SEE-YA-LATER. THEY’S CALLYFARNIA GAY BOYS AND AIN’T GOT A PRAYER, JUST LIKE PROVIDENCE, WHERE SLICK RICK FIRST LEARNT HOW TO CHEAT. THEY HAD ONE GOOD YEAR 30 YEARS AGO AND KEEP GETTING A BID FOR SENTERMENTAL REASONS. AND THE BUSSPOSUBLY #1 SEED IN OUR REGION IS NARTH CARAMALINER. COME ON. LOSERVILLE BEAT THEM SO THEY CAINT BE THAT GOOD. HEY ROY WILLIAMS, WE KNOW YOU IS GOOD AT CHEATIN BUT YOU AINT GONNA BE ABLE TO STOP TYLER ULIS AND JAMAL MURRAY FROM THROWIN YOU IN THE TARHEEL TAR PIT.

This meme popped online immediately after the game, mirroring the sentiment chanted by UofL fans during its ongoing gloomy scandal.

Y’ALL BETTER LOSE BEFORE KENTUCKY GITS TO YOU BECAUSE YOU IS GOIN DOWN. SAME GOES FOR WESS-CONSIN. THEM COW-MILKIN WHITE BOYS BETTER LOSE BEFORE U UH KAY GITS A CHANCE TO REE-VENGE LAST YEAR’S TRAGEDY CUZ WE GONNA BLOODY ‘EM UP GOOD. OBAMA SAYS U UH KAY GONNA WIN IT ALL. THE POPE SAYS U UH KAY GONNA WIN IT ALL. AND STEPH CURRY CALLED COACH CAL TO SEE IF HE COULD BACK UP TYLER ULIS BUT CAL SAID WE DON’T NEED NO HELP. AND WE GOT STARS EVERWHERE. ASHLEY JUGGS IS GONNA BE THERE TO BE OUR GOOD LUCK CHARM. THAT GUY FROM COUGARTOWN IS GONNA BE THERE. KIM DAVIS THE QUEER HATIN COUNTY CLERK IS GONNA BE CHEERING FOR KENTUCKY.

Jennifer Lawrence at the 2016 Oscars. Louisville’s superstar celebrated her 4th Academy Award nomination, the most ever for a person age 25 or younger.

AND I BETCHA THAT JENNIFER LAWRENCE PROBLY WISED UP AND IS GONNA SHOW UP WEARING BLUE. SHE’S DONE THROWING UP THEM STUPID L SIGNS FOR YOUR LOSERVILLE WHORE CHASERS. Y’ALL UBER DRIVING, STRIPPER POLE LOVIN NITWITS AIN’T EVEN IN THE SHOW, SO SHUT YOUR CAKE HOLE, GAY BOY. YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK BUTEENER SHOULD HEAD TO BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN AND WATCH MARCH MADNESS ON TV. THAT IS IF YOU’RE NOT BUSY WATCHING EXPN’S “OUTSIDE THE LINES” WHERE THEY DONE SAID THREE RECRUITS VERIFIED THAT U OF SMELL IS THE BEST LITTLE WHOREHOUSE IN COLLEGE SPORTS. STICK A FARK IN YOU.

DEATH PENALTY! DEATH PENALTY! SLICK RICK GOIN TO THE LECTRIC CHAIR WHILE COACH CAL GOES TO THE WINNER’S CIRCLE! HASHTAG #TIMEFORNINE TIMEFORNINE TIMEFORNINE! THE CATS IS ON THEIR WAY TO THE NINTH NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS AND ALL THEM 63 OTHER TEAMS IS SHAKIN IN THEIR BOOTS. COACH CAL SAID THERE AIN’T NO CRYIN ON THE YACHT. WELL DADGUMMIT, THE BIG BLUE NATION IS BIGGER THAN A YACHT NOW. WE IS A AIRCRAFT CARRIER, THE U.S.S. WILDCAT, AND WE IS SHOOTIN BALLISTIC MISSILES AT ALL COMERS.

I FEEL SORRY FOR THESE NOBODY STONEYBROOK FOOLS WHO THINK THEY BLONG ON THE FLOOR FOR US THURSDEE NIGHT. TELL STONEYBROOK THEY DON’T NEED A TEAM BUS. THEY NEED A FLEET OF AMBULANCES. AND THEN WE GONNA SMASH THEM ROTTEN INJIANNER HOOSIERS SO BAD THEY’LL BE STORMIN THE PARKIN LOT TO GIT OUT OF THERE BY HALFTIME. IT’S OVER, HOOSIERS. YOU DON’T WANT THESE WILDCATS!

THE BEASMAN #1 buy all the tickets
WHY, GOD, WHY? (sniffing and crying) I AINT GOT OUTTA BED YET CUZ MY HEART DONE BEEN BROKE WHEN THE PATH TO PERFECTION WENT OVER A CLIFF. (cry) THEY TELL ME EASTER SUNDEE CHURCH SERVICES ACROSS KENTUCKY WAS LIKE A GHOST TOWN. NO CAT FANS NOWHERE. WE’S ALL SICK TO OUR BONES WITH ANOTHER FINAL FOUR MELTDOWN.

I WAS BUXPECTIN TO CALL UP HERE TODAY AND MAKE FUN OF YOU AND YOUR BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK…BUT I GOT NOTHIN NOW. IT’S OVER. COACH CAL IS COACH CAN’T. HE’S JUST ANOTHER I-TALIAN LOUDMOUTH WHO TRICKED US COUNTRY FOLK INTO GIVIN HIM MILLIONS OF DOLLARS FOR A SACK OF NOTHIN. GO ON AND MOVE TO CLEVELAND, CAL. YOU CAINT CLOSE THE DEAL. LARRY, THEY GIMME SOME NYQUIL TO MAKE ME SLEEP SO I MIGHT BE TAWKIN OUTTA MY HEAD. THEM CATS POSED TO GO FARDY & OH SO ALL US GOOD CLASSY CAT FANS COULD TAWK SMACK TO YOU SNAGGLE TOOTH, HAS BEEN LOSERVILLE CARDINAL CRIMINALS, BUT NOW Y’ALL IS LAUGHIN AT US CAT FANS AND IT JUST SHOWS THAT Y’ALL AINT GOT NO CLASS.

WHEN U OF SMELL LOSTED LAST WEEK, US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS DINT TAUNT Y’ALL. NAW. WE SAID “CONGRATULATIONS OF GOIN FARTHER THAN YOU DESERVE, YOU BUNCH OF N.I.T. WANNABE FRAUDS.” SEE, THAT’S JUST TELLIN THE TRUTH, THAT AIN’T SMACK TAWK. SO WHY Y’ALL U OF SMELLERS GOTTA KICK US WHEN WE IS DOWN NOW? WE IS THE CATS. SOME GUY ON TV SAID THE PATH TO PERFECTION WAS NOW PEFECTION REJECTION. HE OUGHTA BE FIRED. ALL OUR LITTLE WILDCAT FAN CHILDREN IS WALKIN AROUND CRYIN AND SAYIN THEY CAINT GO TO SCHOOL NO MORE CUZ THEY IS DEE-PRESSED. WE NEED THE GUMMIT TO PARACHUTE IN PALLETS FULL OF ZOLOFT FOR ALL OUR DEE-SPONDENT KENTUCKIANS. PEOPLE IS BUG-EYED CRAZY WITH TEARS AND BLOOD POURING OUT OF THEIR FACES LIKE A EPISODE OF THE WALKING DEAD.

I SEEN THAT INNERNET PITCHER OF COACH CAL AS PICCOLO GIRL, CRYIN ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE LOCKER ROOM. THAT AIN’T FUNNY, LARRY MINNER. I AGREE WITH ANDREW HARRISON WHEN HE SAID “F THAT N.” ANYBODY WHO LAFFS ABOUT U UH KAY LOSIN IS A TROLL, AND ANDREW HARRISON’S WORDS IS WHAT US GOOD CLASSY CATS SAY TO OUR TAUNTERS: F THAT N. (cry) THIS ONE HURTS REAL BAD, LARRY MINNER.

MATT JONES TODE US GOOD CLASSY CAT FANS TO HODE OUR HEADS UP HIGH BUT HOW CAN WE DO THAT KNOWING THAT WE WAS BEAT BY A BUNCH OF WHITE BOY DAIRY COW MILKIN WESS-CONSIN CHEESEHEAD FRAUDS? SO IF THEY WIN THE NATIONAL CHAMPEENSHIP IT MEANS THAT DAIRY COW MILKERS TOOK OUR TROPHY. AND IF DUKE TAKES OUR TROPHY, THAT’S EVEN WORSER. THEM DUKE PUKE RICH BOY TRUST FUND BRATS CAN’T WIN ANOTHER ONE OR ELSE COACH RATFACE SHIT-SHETSKI IS GONNA MAKE COACH CAL LOOK LIKE A AMATUER. AINT NOTHING GOOD CAN COME OUTTA THIS CHAMPERCHIPS GAME TONIGHT.

Ashley Judd, ultimate Cats fan

ASHLEY JUGGS IS BACK ON THE TWITTER MACHINE WITH PITCHERS OF HER TRYIN TO ACT HAPPY BUT I KNOW SHE IS DEE-PRESSED LIKE ME AND ALL MY WILDCAT BUDDIES. WE IS THE CATS. WE IS POSED TO WIN IT ALL AND THEN TALK TRASH TO THE REST OF AMERICA ALL YEAR LONG. ASHLEY JUGGS IS PLAYIN HER LITTLE PICCOLO SAD SONGS, TOO. I HEAR TELL DICK VITALE TRIED TO KISS ASHLEY JUGGS ON THE MOUTH AFTER THE GAME AND THIS TIME SHE KNEED HIM IN THE NADS. IT’S ALL GONE WRONG IN WILDCAT COUNTRY, LARRY. THEM REFFERMARIES WOULDN’T REVERSE THAT SHOT CLOCK CALL THEY MESSED UP. BUT WHEN TREY LYLES SMACKED THAT WESS-CONSIN GUY IN THE MOUTH IT WAS JUST A ACCIDENT SO THAT WAS A GOOD NO-CALL.

THE REAL REASON WE LOST IS BECAUSE SOME OF THOSE D-BAG LOSERS IN THE ARENA WAS CHEERING FOR WESS-CONSIN INSTEAD OF EVERBODY BEIN FOR THE CATS. IT JUST DON’T MAKE NO SENSE TO ME THAT OTHER SCHOOLS HAVE FANS. HOW COME EVERBODY AINT A WILDCAT FAN? IT BOTHERS OUR WILDCAT PLAYERS WHEN SOME OF THE PEOPLE IN THE ARENA CHEER FOR THE OTHER TEAM. THAT’S GOTTA STOP OR ELSE WE AINT GONNA DOMMERATE NO MORE. AND THE WORST THING IS THAT THE LAST NATIONAL TITLE WON BY OUR STATE WAS LOSERVILLE TWO YEARS AGO. TELL GOVERNOR BUSHEAR TO PASS A LAW RIGHT NOW THAT SAYS KENTUCKY TAX MONEY SHOULD BE USED TO BUY UP ALL THE TICKETS TO THE FINAL FOUR SO WHEN THE CATS GIT THERE IT WILL BE JUST LIKE PLAYING IN RUMP ARENER. AND IF THE GOV WON’T DO IT, F THAT N. (cry) FARDY & NO. (cry) FARDY & NO. (cry harder) FARDY & NOOOOOOOOO!

THE BEASMAN #2 riots and hall of fame
LARRY MINNER, TELL ME IT WAS A BAD DREAM. CAINT BE NO PERFECTION REJECTION. WE IS BIG BLUE. THAT’S OUR TROPHY! SO WE LOSTED THE GAME AND THEY ANNOUNCED COACH CAL WAS GOIN INTO THE HALL OF FAME BUT THE WESS-CONSIN COACH WEREN’T GITTIN IN? I HEAR TELL THE WESS-CONSIN FANS WAS PICKIN FIGHTS WITH OUR GOOD CLASSY CAT FANS OUTSIDE THE STADIUM. WE JUST WANTED TO GO OUT THERE AND PLAY OUR BANJO MUSIC TO CHEER UP BUT THEM WESS-CONSIN REDNECKS STARTED TO FIGHT. WE AINT POSED TO BE MOCKED AND BULLIED.

WE IS THE CATS. THAT TROPHY POSED TO BE OURS. EVERBODY ELSE WAS PLAYIN FOR SECOND, MEMBER? US CAT FANS DON’T CARE ABOUT NO HALL OF FAME. WE WANT CHAMPERCHIPS AND WESS-CONSIN STOLE OURS. WHAT ABOUT THAT CAT FAN WHO DONE GOT HIS LEG TATTOOED WITH THE 2015 CHAMPERCHIP LOGO? IS HE POSED TO CUT HIS LEG OFF?

THIS IS ALL TOO MUCH FOR MY HEAD, LARRY MINNER. (cry) I’M STILL CRYIN IN BED FOR TWO DAYS NOW. I DONE GOBBLED DOWN A BOTTLE OF DEE-PRESSION MEDDERCATION SO I CAN COPE WITH THE SADNESS OF FARDY & NO. (cry) FARDY & NO. (cry harder) FARDY & NOOOOOOO! (wail) AINT NO HUNDRED DOLLAR HANDSHAKES CAN FIX WHAT’S BEEN DID? CATS LOST AND U OF SMELL FANS IS WALKIN AROUND SMIRKIN AND MAKIN FUN OF U UH KAY FANS. WE IS HAVIN TO ACT LIKE WE IS PROUD OF GOIN 38 AND 1 BUT THE HATERS, THE MEDIA, AND CHARLES BARKLEY KNOW WE IS LYIN. WE IS REALLY DYIN INSIDE, LARRY MINNER. U OF SMELLERS IS WEARING 38 & ONE SHIRTS AND SAYIN THEY IS BRINGIN PICCOLO GIRL TO PLAY AT TONIGHT’S LEXINUN RIOT. YOU SUCK, LOSERVILLE. QUIT LAUGHING AT OUR PAIN.

AND PAT FORDE DONE SAID THAT SUCCEED AND PROCEED HAS BEEN CHANGED TO DEE-FEAT AND DEE-PART. I CAN HEAR YOU SMIRKIN, LARRY MINNER. STOP SMIRKIN BEFORE TREY LYLES SMACKS YOU UPSIDE YOUR BALD HEAD. OUR GOOD CLASSY WILDCAT PLAYERS AINT REALLY LEAVIN, PLUS WE STILL GOT THE #1 RECRUITIN CLASS FOR NEXT YEAR. (cry) BUT THAT DON’T MEAN DIDDLY IN THE FINAL FOUR. THEM ARROGANT WESS-CONSIN WHITE BOY DAIRY COW MILKIN, CHEESE WHEEL ROLLIN, BEER BREATH, FRANK THE SKANK, DEKKER D-BAG, BADGER FRAUDS HAD THE AUDACERATION TO SCORE MORE POINTS THAN THE GOOD AND CLASSY #1 SEED KENTUCKY WILDCATS. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? WE HAD ALL THE MAC-DONALD ALL-AMERICANS AND THEY HAD NONE.

COACH CAL WAS POSED TO TAKE THE GREATEST TALENT EVER ASSEMBLED TO STEAMROLL OVER EVERBODY IN OUR PATH, BUT THEM PASTY WHITE BOYS FROM WESS-CONSIN OUTREBOUNDED OUR GIANTS, THEY OUTSHOT US, AND THEY DIDN’T BUCKLE UNDER THE PRESSURE LIKE EVERBODY ELSE. BIG BLUE POSED TO WIN THE NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIP SO WE CAN BE IN YOUR FACE ALL YEAR TELLING YOU THAT YOU IS GAY, AND YOU IS N.I.T. NOBODIES, AND THAT YOU IS WILDCAT WANNABES.

OUR SLOGAN POSED TO BE “WE DON’T REBUILD, WE JUST RELOAD.” WELL DADGUMMIT, COACH CAL KEEPS RELOADING BUT HE’S SHOOTING BLANKS WHEN WE GIT TO THE FINAL FOUR. THEM 38 VICTREES IN A ROW DON’T MEAN DIDDLY SQUAT IF WE DON’T WIN. WE CAINT TEASE LOSERVILLE BECAUSE U OF SMELL IS THE LAST TEAM IN THE STATE TO WIN IT ALL.

TELL COACH CAL TO EITHER WIN IT ALL OR MOVE TO CLEVELAND TO COACH LEE-BRON JAMES. U UH KAY WILL KEEP GITTIN ALL THE MAC-DONALD ALL-AMERICANS CUZ THEY WANT TO BE AT U UH KAY. THE COACH DON’T MATTER. MATTER OF FACT, DON’T HAVE A COACH. JUST LET EM RUN UP AND DOWN ON THEIR OWN AND SUBSTERTUTE WHEN THEY FEEL LIKE IT. THE PLAYERS KNOW HOW TO WIN. COACH CAL SCREWED THE POOCH IN THEM LAST FEW MINUTES OF THE WESS-CONSIN GAME BY NOT THROWIN IT DOWN LOW TO KARL ANTHONY TOWNS. HE WAS HAVIN HIS WAY WITH THEM WESS-CONSIN DAIRY COW MILKIN NOBODIES. BUT NAW. COACH CAL WAS TOO BUSY CHECKIN HIS TEXT MESSAGES TO SEE IF THE HALL OF FAME CALLED YET. THAT’S WHY THE GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCAT FANS WAS RIOTIN IN THE STREETS, BURNIN COUCHES AND TURNIN OVER CARS. THEY IS SICK OF COACH CAL PROMISIN FARDY & OH AND NOT DELIVERIN.

DADGUMMIT, IF DUKE WINS IT ALL TONIGHT YOU REALLY GONNA SEE SOME RIOTIN IN THE STREETS OF LEXINUN, STARTIN RIGHT IN FRONT OF COACH CAL’S HOUSE. ASHLEY JUGGS DONE TOOK A AX TO COACH CAL’S CAR WHILE HIS DRIVER DRAKE WAS STILL IN IT. IF DUKE WINS, THAT CAR GONNA GIT DROVE OFF THE TOP OF RUMP ARENA. START WINNIN TITLES OR GIT OUTTA TOWN, COACH CAL. WE IS STARTIN TO WONDER IF YOUR MIDDLE NAME IS BILLY CLYDE. FARDY & NO MEANS YOU GOTTA GO!

FARDY & OH WITH 4 TO GO! FARDY & OH WITH 4 TO GO! FARDY & OH WITH 4 TO GO! CATS! CATS! CATS! YOU KNOW ALL THEM OTHER TEAMS ABOUT TO POOTY THEIR PANTS WORRIED ABOUT HAVING TO PLAY THE MIGHTY KENTUCKY WILDCATS. I BETCHA OL BOB THUGGINS IS TRYING TO TEACH HIS BOYS NEW WAYS TO PUNCH AND KICK AND GRAB BECAUSE THEY IS STREET TRASH LIKE CINCINAPLISS BUT THAT WON’T STOP THESE WILDCATS. THE REST OF Y’ALL TEAMS STILL HANGIN AROUND OUGHT TO GO AHEAD AND FARFIT RIGHT NOW CUZ THIS IS THE YEAR OF THE CATS! AND DON’T EVEN SET THERE AND SMIRK ABOUT U OF SMELL, LARRY. I GUESS LITTLE BROTHER GITS TO HANG ON FOR A FEW MORE DAYS.

WHEN LAST NIGHT’S GAME STARTED AGAINST THE NARTHERN IDAHO BOOT SCOOTIN FARM BOYS, I SEEN EM HIT A FEW THREE-POINTERS AND I SAID “WELL, I GUESS THIS TEAM GOT FIVE KYLE WILTJERS ON THERE” BUT IT TURNT OUT TO BE FOOL’S GOLD. ALL US GOOD CLASSY CAT FANS DINT GO TO BED HAPPY BECAUSE SLICK RICK AND HIS FILTHY CARDINALS IS STILL IN IT. WE WAS HOPIN U OF SMELL WOULD HAVE TO COME HOME TO MARCH SADNESS AND CRY LIKE THE PICCOLO GIRL FROM VILLER-NOVA. BUT NOW WE GOT TO LISTEN TO ANOTHER WHOLE WEEK OF CARDINAL CLAPTRAP ABOUT HOW Y’ALL IS IN IT TO WIN IT AND HOW SLICK RICK IS THE GREATEST COACH EVER AT THE SWEET 16 GAME AND HOW SLICK RICK IS A HALL-OF-FAMER WITH TWO NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS. IN TWO MORE WEEKS, Y’ALL LOSERVILLE SNAGGLE TOOTH, STINKBREATH, MISSPELLED TATTOO, WHISKEY-FOR-BREAKFAST, MAKING BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK, WELFARE QUEEN, WATERFRONT PARK GRAMPA PUNCHIN, OVERRATED CARDINAL LOUDMOUTHS WILL HAVE TO BOW DOWN TO COACH CAL AND THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS AFTER WE WIN TITLE #9 AND THEN COACH CAL GOES INTO THE HALL OF FAME JUST LIKE SLICK RICK.

AND YOU SHUT YOUR BIG MOUTH ABOUT COACH CAL GOIN HOUSE HUNTIN WHILE THE CATS IS UP IN CLEVELAND CUZ HE AINT GONNA LEAVE U UH KAY AFTER THIS SEASON. COACH CAL DON’T WANT TO BE THE COACH OF THE CLEVELAND CAVS BECAUSE LEE-BRON JAMES IS OLD AND BALD NOW SO HE AINT GONNA LAST LONG NO HOW. JUST STAY AT U UH KAY, COACH CAL, AND THATAWAYS WE CAN KEEP TARMINTIN SLICK RICK LIKE WE DO NOW. HE DON’T WANT NO PIECE OF U UH KAY, AND NEITHER DOES BOB THUGGINS, OR THAT NOTRE DAME GANGSTER, OR THAT SLICK RICK WANNABE WHO COACHES WICH-ER-TAW. DON’T MATTER WHO BUBBLES UP TO PLAY THE CATS, THEY IS STUPID FOR SHOWING UP. U UH KAY ALL THE WAY AND THE REST OF YOU IS GAY. AND I CAINT BLEEVE THAT LITTLE BROTHER WICH-ER-TAW STATE BEAT THE BIG STATE SCHOOL KANSAS BECAUSE THAT’S BAD FOR ALL OF US BIGTIME STATE SCHOOLS. LOSERVILLE USED TO SQUAWK ABOUT HOW BIG BROTHER WOULDN’T PLAY THEM SO U UH KAY SAID “OK, YOU WANNA RUN WITH US?” AND NOW COACH CAL DONE BEAT YOU DOWN 7 OUT OF 8 TIMES. Y’ALL WANT TO GIT HARSE-WHIPPED BY U UH KAY ONE MORE TIME, LOSERVILLE? THEN JUST KEEP BEIN STUPID AND WINNING GAMES AND YOUR WISH WILL COME TRUE. THEY SAID THE RATINGS FOR COLLEGE BASKETBAW IS #1 IN LOSERVILLE, KENTUCKY. THAT’S ONLY BECAUSE THERE IS SO MANY GOOD CLASSY CAT FANS WATCHING AT HOME WITH THEIR WILDCAT FRIENDS. ALL THE TVs U OF SMELLERS WATCH ON IS STOLEN SO THERE AINT NO WAY TO COUNT THEM IN THE RATINGS.

Rick Pitino and John Calipari

HURRY UP AND LOSE, U OF SMELL, CUZ YOU AINT GONNA LIKE THE PUNCH IN THE FACE COACH CAL GONNA GIVE YOU IF YOU SURVIVE LONG ENOUGH TO PLAY US. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, WEST VIRGINIA. YOU BUNCH OF MOONSHINE MAKIN, COUCH BURNIN, TOOTHLESS, ILLITERATE, INCEST-LOVIN, MOUNTAIN SCUM, MUSKET SHOOTIN HILLBILLIES IS ABOUT TO GIT YOUR JAW JACKED BY AMERICA’S WILDCATS. NOT NO FRAUD HIPPIE DOPE SMOKIN ARIZONA WILDCATS. THE REAL WILDCATS OF KENTUCKY! WHERE BASKETBAW IS #1 AND EDUMACATION AINT. FARDY & OH WITH 4 TO GO! FARDY & OH WITH 4 TO GO! FARDY & OH WITH 4 TO GO! WEST VIRGINNY, YOUR ORDER IS READY…A STEAMIN HOT PLATE OF BIG BLUE BEATDOWN IS ABOUT TO BE SERVED!

THE BEASMAN fear the tweak
FEAR THE TWEAK, LARRY! FEAR THE TWEAK! THE ALL-NEW U UH KAY WILDCATS IS GONNA COME OUT THERE IN A LITTLE WHILE AND DOMMERATE WITH THE TWEAK. COACH CAL SAYS WE GONNA SEE THE TWEAK RIGHT AWAY AND WE GONNA BE AMAZED AT HOW SIMPLE BUT GENIUS IT IS. GO BIG BLUE! BEAT THEM L.S.LOSERS. NOW’S WHEN THE REAL FARDY AND OH TEAM SHOWS UP TO BE FARDY AND NINE! COACH CAL DONE TWEAKED THE CATS PERFECT AND NOW WE IS GONNA BEAT LSU WORSE THAN U OF SMELL BEAT THE RUTGERS LAST NIGHT. BUT U OF SMELL IS A FRAUD, LARRY. Y’ALL IS ALL SWOLE UP LIKE A TICK SUCKING BLOOD FROM HAS-BEEN LAND. BUT REALITY GONNA SMASH Y’ALL PURDY SOON AND ALL THAT FAKE “RISE AND REPEAT” TAWK GONNA GO AWAY. U OF SMELL IS OVER-RATED AND SO IS YOUR WHOLE FRAUD LEAGUE. LITTLE MIDGET MICK CRONIN WAS SPITTIN AND CUSSIN ON TV LAST NIGHT JUST TO GIT HIS FRAUD CINCINNAPLISS TEAM TO BEAT HOOTERVILLE COLLEGE. MEMPHIS DONE LOST TO UCONN WHO GOT PUNKED BY THE LOSERVILLE CARDINAL CRIMINALS JUST LAST WEEK – SO Y’ALL IS A LEAGUE OF PHONIES. YOU AIN’T BIGTIME S.E.C. LIKE U UH KAY AND FLORIDA GEORGIA LINE. WE IS THE BEST OF THE BEST, AND THE TWEAK IS GONNA TURN IT ALL AROUND. THEM HARRISON TWINS IS FINALLY GONNA REALIZE THAT THEY GOT 3 OTHER GUYS ON THEIR TEAM THEY CAN PASS IT TO. THAT’S THEIR UPGRADE…MATTER OF FACT, COACH CAL NOW CALLS EM THE HARRISON TWEAKS. AND BIG OL JULIUS TWEAK RANDLE KNOWS HE POSED TO GO UP AND DUNK IT EVEN IF HE’S AT THE TOP OF THE KEY. AND JAMES THE TWEAKER YOUNG DONE BEEN TWEAKED TO GO OUT THERE 5 MINUTES BEFORE THE GAME AND MISS HIS FIRST 25 SHOTS THEN HE’S READY TO START MAKIN EM ALL RIGHT AFTER TIPOFF. AND BIG OL WILLIE TWEAK CAULEY TWEAK STEIN IS NOW WEARING ELEVATOR SHOES SO HE CAN BE 9 FEET TALL. AND COACH CAL SAYS HIS OWN PERSONAL TWEAK IS TO STOP GITTIN TECHNICKER FOULS FOR CUSSIN. HE SAYS IF HE’S GONNA GIT A TECHNICKER FOUL, HE’S GONNA GIT HIS MONEY’S WORTH BY PUNCHING THE REFFERMARIES. I TELL YOU WHAT, LARRY MINNER, THIS HERE TWEAKED U UH KAY TEAM IS PRETTY TWEAKIN GOOD. Y’ALL GONNA SEE IT TONIGHT BECAUSE WE IS PLAYING THE SAME TIME AS U OF SMELL BUT CHECK OUT THE TV RATINGS. THE WHOLE WORLD IS GONNA BE TUNING IN TO SEE THE TWEAK. THEY’S TAWKING ABOUT IT ON CBS, ABC, NBC, FOX NEWS, AND THE WEATHER CHANNEL. THE NEW FORECAST FOR U UH KAY BASKETBAW IS TWEAKIN AWESOME. CATS ALL THE WAY! COACH CAL IS A DADGUM GENIUS. HE SAID HE WAS MAD AT HISSELF FOR NOT THINKING OF THIS SOONER AND THAT HE APOLLER-GIZES TO ALL GOOD CLASSY CAT FANS EVERWHERE FOR NOT THINKING OF IT SOONER. BUT IT’S OK – THE TWEAK IS COMING TONIGHT AND THE WHOLE WORLD IS LOOKING FOR IT MORE THAN THAT LOST AIRPLANE. LARRY, WHEN ARE YOU CARDINAL CRIMINALS GONNA CALL THE N.I.T. AND BEG TO GIT IN? Y’ALL COULD PROBLEE STILL GIT IN THE N.I.T. IF Y’ALL SEND A FRUIT BASKET AND ASK REAL NICE. YOU CARDINAL HAS BEENS DON’T WANT TO BE IN THE REAL NC2A TOURNEYMINT BECAUSE SOONER OR LATER YOU GONNA HAVE TO GIT HUMILERATED BY THE U UH KAY WILD-TWEAKS AND YOU DON’T WANT THAT KIND OF PAIN. SURRENDER NOW, YOU CARDINAL FRAUDS. BUT IF YOU DARE TAKE ON THE TWEAK, THEN YOU GONNA SUFFER THE HARSE CONSER-QUENCES OF DOUBLE LIMMERATION THIS YEAR BY THE GREATEST U UH KAY RECRUITING CLASS EVER….THE TWEAKABLES IS READY TO GO WIN IT ALL! GIT OUT OF THE WAY, YOU SNAGGLE TOOTH, SAGGY PANTS, NECK TATTOO, CRIMINAL CONVICT, MAKING BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK, FOOD STAMP CASHIN, OBAMA LOVIN, TARC BUS RIDIN, FOULMOUTH, LINEBEARD, CROWN ROYAL DRINKIN, HOME INCARCERATION, METH LAB MAKING, WAL-MART SHOPLIFTING U OF SMELL CARDINAL GAY BOYS. GET OFF MY T.V. AND WARM UP THE BUS FOR THE N.I.T. THIS HERE IS PRETTY-TWEAKIN-AWESOME WILDCAT COUNTRY!
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