Author

Kelsea Stahler

Celebrity Editor Kelsea Stahler was born in a pile of dirt. Okay, she was actually born in an old Naval hospital in San Diego, which then became a pile of dirt and remained as such for a number of years before becoming a parking lot perfectly sized for circus tents, and finally a museum. She eventually left San Diego to attend New York University, where she studied Journalism and English literature — two less-than profitable liberal arts degrees about which guidance counselors warned her. Against all odds, she now resides in Brooklyn, where she fights the constant fear that the locals will soon discover she isn’t quite cool enough to live there, and makes a living writing absurd, pop culture features about Batman, zombies, vampires, funny people, and Ron Swanson.

Each week, Hollywood gives us something to whine about, and the week of May 13 was no different. We could make a drinking game out of this week, but that would be too dangerous. Instead, we'll stick to the usual formula: varying levels of alcoholic respite depending on how bothersome the week's issues are. Is your biggest complaint this week a flimsy one? How about a light cocktail to take the edge off? Got a real bone to pick with a celeb or entertainment entity this week? Go ahead, grab a drink that'll put hair on your chest. Here are the week's entertainment stories that are forcing us to seek a bubbly or boozy refuge. And maybe an idea or two about how you should wash them down.
It's That Thing Where You Make Yourself a Homemade Cocktail
Saturday will be the last time we ever see Stefon on SNL. Bill Hader is sadly leaving SNL.
In case you forgot, this is Stefon in all his clubbing glory:
But it gets worse. (Sort of.) Fred Armisen and Jason Sudeikis are leaving too. Who's going to be Creepy Joe Biden or Joy "So What, Who Cares?" Behar? Oh wait, we'll be okay after all.
We can't get over 1990s Leo. How is possible that we still crush this hard on Leonardo DiCaprio? It hurts.
New York's Hottest Drink is Anything That Makes You Feel Like Dancing
Kanye. Seriously? Stop telling people you're not a celebrity. You just put your face on 66 buildings across the U.S. You're a Grammy-winning, outspoken rapper who's having a kid with the queen of reality television. Just stop.
Justin Bieber doesn't care about his monkey. Germany wants him to pick up his adandoned monkey, but Bieber doesn't appear to be playing ball.
We only wish we looked this good: All the most fashionable celebs are walking red carpets at Cannes this week. And yes, we're covetting every last designer dud.
Bea Arthur naked is worth more than your house. Probably. I guess it depends on what kind of house you live in.
Alright, Even Stefon Knows When It's Time For Straight Whiskey
If you actually got Beyonce concert tickets, sorry. A new report makes it almost certain that Queen B is with child. The single ladies dance certainly can't maintain its fervor now.
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Here is a story about a young man named Justin Bieber and his monkey.
Justin was curious about monkeys. One day, he bought a baby capuchin monkey and they became the best of friends.
But having a monkey isn't as easy as Justin thought. Monkeys don't like speeding around in Lamborghinis and they can't enter Germany without the proper vaccinations. Justin's smile turned upside down.
Then he had an idea! "What if I just leave this monkey in quarantine in Munich? Then I can go on my world tour and post photos of my ex-girlfriend on Instagram so people think we're back together!"
The monkey was taken to solitary confinement and Justin rode off into the sunset to sing simplistic pop songs to screaming tweenage girls.
But then, Germany came calling. "Come get your monkey before midnight on Friday!" they bellowed. "Or we'll send him to a zoo where the keepers will love him and care for him with their extensive knowledge of exotic animal care."
"Whatevs," said Bieber, in an email to the Germans as he tried to skip along in his constrictive harem pants.
"Fine then," Germany said in a menacing tone. "We'll give your monkey a good home and keep him happy, but you have to pay us thousands of dollars for taking care of him for those two months."
Justin just shrugged, put on his favorite yellow hat, and dashed away through a tunnel of yelping girls.
THE END
Obviously, the quotes in this story didn't happen. But Bieber really did abandon his monkey in Germany, and he did communicate that he's giving up the monkey. It's Bieber, not the monkey, who deserves a spanking for that.
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American Idol's Season 12 finale provided an incredible moment: the one in which, plagued with happy tears, winner Candice Glover braved her confetti shower and her own overwhelming happiness to sing her brand new single "I Am Beautiful." It was Idol's collagen injection of hope. This show could still bring us to the end of the road and deliver a winner so talented, so lovable, that she's practically guaranteed to blow us away for years to come. But that only accounts for the last 10 minutes of the two-hour broadcast, the whole of which completely undermined Candice's glory. In short: it was a predictably awkward mess, as always.
12. Randy Jackson's send-off was pretty condescending, dawg. The video package started and ended with a table of canines barking on command with doggy jokes provided in subtitle. This is what he gets after 12 years of recycling one-liners (yet somehow never recycling a single pair of shoes or eccentric glasses frames).
11. Ryan Seacrest made it worse. After Randy triumphantly provided the bass on Mariah Carey's performance of "#Beautiful," Seacrest made a funny, saying "Ladies and gentlemen, Mariah Carey and her dog, Randy." Of course, he was referring to "dawg" (and Randy's favorite affectionate nickname for everyone), but he knew what he was doing there.
10. How is it possible that with the exception of Jessie J, every "pro" singer who performed a duet with an eliminated Season 12 contestant wasn't nearly as good as the Idol they were paired with?Seriously, Kimberly Perry. Janelle Arthur wiped the floor with you.
9. Speaking of awkward pairings, we have a few questions about Amber Holcomb's duet with Emeli Sande:Like, why is Amber singing the song Candice just did? Does she like being uncomfortable? Why is Sande dressed like she's going to brunch instead of debuting her music to a broad American audience? And why is Amber dressed like Destiny's Child at the airport?
8. Jennifer Hudson was amazing, but her Disney villain line was hilariously strange.At the end of her duet with Candice, Hudson bellowed "Sing, Candy!" and images of Ursula from The Little Mermaid commanding Ariel to sing so she could steal her pristine princess voice were swathed across my mind. (Still love you, J. Hud.)
7. The "Jordin Sparks Rigged Idol" skit had to make up awful moments for everyone except Lazaro.The video pretended the audience booed Paul Jolley's jokes and Curtis Finch, Jr's crazy paisley blazer, but when it came to Lazaro, they awkwardly left the video in which he sang like a drunkard in a dive bar at 4 AM practically untouched. Ouch.
6. Mariah Carey, diva extraordinaire, it's your job to judge other people's singing abilities — are you seriously lip-syncing on Idol?It sure looked that way. Add to that the fact that she didn't bring her sexy duet partner Miguel in to sing "#Beautiful" with her, and this moment takes many pieces of the awkward cake.
5. Pitbull's boxer briefs were visible and Jennifer Lopez was dressed like a 15-year-old girl in a talent show with no age-appropriate dress-code.Word to the wise, white linen pants are see-through when confronted with the million-watt lights of the Nokia Theater. Also, Jennifer, you are too old to be dressing in costumes that look like they came from Wet Seal's off-brand, Drakar-Noir-drenched ugly stepsister of a clothing store. And no, that Marilyn Monroe quote stolen from a teenager's tumblr page did not make up for the rest of that sweaty nonsense.
4. Why are you doing this to Aretha?Even if they could have gotten her on stage, instead of on a live-feed on the Jumbo-Tron, to actually honor the girls with her magnanimous presence, it's slightly awkward watching a singer we all love so dearly struggle to sing for an audience of 14-year-old girls who don't know her music.
3. Angie Miller's tank top was a sight to behold.Was she stuck in sea urchin? Had she accidentally fused with a pile of ruffles in Betsey Johnson's workshop? Was she being consumed by the smoke monster from Lost and we were all just too dazzled by Adam Lambert and Jessie J to notice?
2. It's uncomfortable and mind-boggling that Keith Urban is still so lovable.I can see your late '90s highlights, Keith! You bop around like a muppet while you sing! Why are you still so damn charming, despite everything?
1. The "affectionate" judges video package was downright ruthless to Mariah and Randy.It played up the cute parts of Keith and Nicki Minaj's judging personalities – Keith's adorable facial expressions and Nicki's unstoppable sass – but when it came to Randy and Mariah, it was all prodding and no laughter.
They poked fun at Randy's numerous "useless" bits of commentary and posted a still of Mariah with a double-chin, something I wouldn't be surprised to hear prompted a lawsuit from Miss Diva. Not cool, Idol. You know you just blamed all the series problems on these people and then fired them, right? Give it a rest.
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
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American Idol Season 12 has finally come to a close and with that comes the crowning of a new champion. We already knew it would be a lady, breaking Idol's cute-boys-with-guitars streak. Candice Glover and Kree Harrison ended the night with a lovely duet, before Candice was crowned this season's winner.
For the first time in what feels like eons, the final moments of the Idol broadcast were excruciating. Every second Ryan Seacrest held in that secret like a greedy soap opera butler was the longest second of our lives. Watching Kree and Candice hold each other like sisters, knowing that no matter whose name was called both girls would be smiling just as robustly. When Candice's name was called, it was a result so perfect it was almost as if Nigel Lythgoe wrote it himself.
After two auditions for Idol and one hurtful rejection during Season 11's Vegas week, it was Candice's time. She'd acheived the confidence that was standing between us and her incredible talent. She'd blown us away week after week. She'd earned it.
For all the sweet, talented Kree is, Candice is simple and phenomenon. Watching her perform alongside former unfairly rejected contestant and current superstar Jennifer Hudson was a sign: this was Candice's night. The incredible duet was like proof that we've moved past the point where someone as incredible as Hudson can be deprived of her sparkling finale shower. Idol finale moved past its cute boy stage, so it only makes sense that it would move onto an era in which the rightful winner is given her due praise.
As Candice sang "I Am Beautiful" while her tears flowed freely and her fellow contestants surrounded her with love and support, it was almost as if we hadn't lost the Idol we know and love. It was almost as if nothing had changed. The judges, and their constant revolutions and switcheroos, didn't matter. Jimmy Iovine's forced "crush" on Nicki Minaj didn't matter. What mattered was Candice and her final, beautiful, sweet moment, three years in the making.
You deserve it, girl.
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
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As excited as fans of The Vampire Diaries are for The Originals to get going so we can relish seeing our favorite family of Original vampires romping around New Orleans, there’s somewhat of a bittersweet edge to the idea of splitting the supernatural series in two. There’s a part of us that will miss Damon (Ian Somerhalder) flirting with Rebekah (Claire Holt) and, of course, we’ll be crying silent tears over the seemingly closed door between Klaus (Joseph Morgan) and Caroline (Candice Accola). Will we ever see our favorite characters cross paths once the Originals run down to the Big Easy?
It’s very possible, according to both Holt and Haley-portrayer Phoebe Tonkin. “I think Julie's left the door open for that, and hopefully we'll be able to figure it out. We're both shooting in Atlanta I think, so it could happen,” says Holt at the CW Upfront in New York.
Tonkin agrees, adding that the set-up is a natural fit for crossover opportunities. “It's not like we're like, ‘Oh wait. What happened for the last ten years?’ We know where we're coming from and there's a history,” she says.
And that could be a relief for shippers of Klaroline. According to new Originals star Daniella Pineda (Sophie), “Joseph Morgan has to go back [to Mystic Falls] at some point.” Amen, sister.
Plus, Rebekah’s chemistry with mortal Matt Donovan (Zach Roerig) – who's grown fonder of the once-ruthless vampiress in recent episodes — is likely coming to an end (albeit a happy one). But Holt urges us not to give up hope on Rebekatt (or is it Matbekah?) just yet. “We can have a little long-distance thing going on,” she suggests.
But will it be long distance with a side of mortality? Holt confirms that on Thursday’s finale of The Vampire Diaries, the Cure is not lost – someone will reverse their vampirism, and whoever it is, Holt says it “surprised” her and made her “happy.” Could it be that Rebekah is heading to Nola as a regular girl, just like she always wanted? Or will it be her inability to become mortal that will send her down South once and for all?
As for the newbies – Marcel (Charles Michael Davis), Sophie (Pineda), and Davina (Danielle Campell) – can we trust them with the precious TVD universe? Yes, as it turns out. All three actors admitted to being big fans of the original series (Campell's watched "since Day One"), and they were even willing to tell us which Salvatore brother they would pick in the eternal shipper battle of Stelena (Stefan and Elena) versus Delena (Damon and Elena). Sorry, Ian Somerhalder (Damon), they surprisingly all picked Paul Wesley’s Stefan.
But don’t cry for Somerhalder, Delena fans. “He's going to be fine. He's going to make it,” jokes Davis.
The Originals will air on Tuesday nights this fall on the CW.
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Every year, The CW Upfront presents a rather delightful prospect: glimpses of new opportunities for romance, action and swooning and more young, hot actors than anyone’s brain can handle (and hopefully all the advertisers will want to buy). The 2013 presentation was no different and the CW has clearly tapped into its best genres for its slate of new shows: ill-fated lovers, warring supernatural species, and (of course) handsome hunks.
The Originals As we saw in the crossover pilot episode of The Vampire Diaries, The Originals is packed with the sex and intrigue we’ve come to expect from Klaus and his family of original vampires. Mix that with a little voodoo by way of New Orleans, and we’ve got what feels like a fresh take on a set of characters we’ve known for three seasons. While we’ll miss Rebekah, Klaus, and Elijah on TVD, there’s not a single piece of this that isn’t beckoning us like a werewolf to the new moon. “Family is power,” according to Klaus and despite the lack of new footage in this preview, we’re firmly in agreement.
The Tomorrow People “In Season 2 [of Arrow], I get to share Wednesday nights with my cousin Robbie,” said Stephen Amell before these clips played. In case you didn’t make the connection, Robbie Amell, star of The Tomorrow People, is cousin to Arrow’s leading shirtless hero Stephen Amell. Banking on that familial connection, The Tomorrow People and its mutants warring against the tyranny of human prejudice aim to nab a little Arrow action in its slot right after the superhero saga. Luckily for the younger Amell, his series looks to have a quite a hook with his troubled hero. Despite the similarities to the X-Men, the show plays well with Amell's (Robbie's, that is) charms and the charisma of his co-stars, including Lost alum Mark Pelligrino as the ruthless antagonist. The action is high and the emotions run deep. It shouldn’t take much for Arrow’s audience to fall in love with The Tomorrow People.
Reign Switching gears a little bit is Reign, which takes on the tale of Mary Queen of Scots as she is sent to France to be married off to a young prince. What she finds is a handsome young man who has no intention of actually tying the knot and danger beyond her wildest dreams. The series looks to be soapy, sexy, and dangerous, like a looser, PG answer to The Tudors. While there is a bit of a triangle, the real draw is Mary’s need to act as a strong heroine, something that is a bit different for the network. If done right, this could be a refreshing new twist on the CW formula.
Star-Crossed Star Wars: The Clone Wars and 90210 fans, rejoice. Matt Lanter is not only returning to television right after both of his beloved series have ended, but he’s returning as the perfect hybrid of his past characters: a sci-fi hunk in live-action. In this mid-season show, Lanter plays a teen alien who suffers persecution as a child but makes it to his high school just in time to participate in a program aimed at integrating the alien population with the humans. Isn't Lanter a little long in the tooth to still be in high school? At the center of it all is Lanter’s romance with his human schoolmate, played by Aimee Teegarden of Friday Night Lights fame. Will they make it? Not without episodes upon episodes of drama, that’s for sure.
The 100 No wonder there have been lots of comparisons between this series and The Hunger Games, though the feel is somewhat more along the lines of Battle Royale, the Japanese movie that real film nerds claim was the inspiration for The Hunger Games. In the future, a space society expels its juvenile delinquents to Earth as guinea pigs meant to assess the inhabitable nature of the ravaged planet and deal with the radioactive deer, new enemies, and violence between the young criminals themselves. There’s not much emphasis on the potential romance in the series, which could be dangerous for a series on a network were love stories are a vital part of every show. But if the characters, story, and action are good enough (see: Supernatural), it just might work.
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The finals on American Idol have famously separated the winner from the runner up. Two singers step onto the stage, and after an hour of Simon Fuller's song choices, the contestants' favorite song choices, and their brand new potential hit singles, we're given a pretty complete picture of each singer. And almost every single time, one singer rises to the top while the other floats nearby, but nearly as high as his or her competitor. However, when the votes fall, the results don't always make sense. That's why, even though Candice Glover was the clear winner at the end of Wednesday night's episode, we can't breathe easy just yet.
Kree Harrison pulled a bit of a dud when she won the coin toss to go first in her game of back and forth with Candice. While she got to close with her big, emotional number "Up To The Mountain," she had to do so right before Candice, the nortoriously incredible show-closer, reprised her incomperable rendition of "I (Who Have Nothing)." While I've not a complaint about Kree's country stylings, when compared to the sheer artistry of Candice's vocals, there's no comparison. It's Candice every single time.
So why am I shaking in my boots over Thursday night's big finale and the results it holds? Because, put simply, I don't trust Idol voters. While Candice is on another level, with talent so distinct that it transcends genre and style and simply is Candice, she's not speaking Idol fans' favorite language: Country. Kree is a perfectly great country singer. She proved that her level of soul can reach heights similar (though not as great) as Candice's with "Up to the Mountain" and her brand new single, while not earth-shattering, is exactly what the Carrie Underwood fan ordered. Kree could win, and if she does, it's because Idol voters have once again stuck to their vanilla guns and picked the girl who completes their predictable genre.
Of course, it's not that Kree, who's been through hell and back again in her personal life, doesn't deserve some shred of happiness. In fact, the loss of both her parents – as upsetting as it sounds – is a strength in a competition in which voters base much of their decision-making on feeling and backstory. But Candice has her own form of backstory strength as well, and it's why I have oodles of hope oozing from my every pore, that Miss Glover will be last singer standing.
While Kree's song was clearly a pick from the country superstar reject bin (sorry, Kree, but the song itself wasn't anything to write home about, no matter how beautiful that voice of yours is), Candice's couldn't have been more perfect. I'm a little concerned that she went with such a slow ballad, but her ability to make any song sound like a classic, instantly, showed on Wednesday night. "I Am Beautiful" perfectly connects to Candice's candid expressions of her past insecurities and turns it into beautiful, marketable pop music. Not unlike Christina Aguilera and Pink before her, Candice's message of inner beauty and beauty that doesn't quite fit the mold is the sort of message that could push her past the country vote right into the winner's seat.
It's a shame that I fear Candice's voice alone can't catapult her to the top, but if Kree could overtake Angie Miller – the clear frontrunner for almost the entire competition – we can't put it past her to overtake the woman who is arguably one of the most talented people we've seen on this show in years. If Candice doesn't win, it won't be for reasons that last year's vocal dynamo, Jessica Sanchez, missed the mark. Sanchez didn't deliver the way she should have in her final competitive performances and Phillip Phillips overtook her (granted, the cute boy card helped a little here, too). If Candice doesn't win, it will be because the Idol voters have become so predictable that they can't look past genre to see once-in-a-lifetime talent standing before them, asking them to understand her.
But should the voters choose correctly, and should Candice win on Thursday, it will be an immense victory, and not only because she was cast off during Vegas week in Season 11, making a victory sweet vindication. Not just because her body image issues have held her back until Idol boosted her confidence. And not because Randy Jackson and Mariah Carey all but said she should win. If Candice Glover gets that confetti shower on Thursday night, it will be a victory because despite the network's gripes with Idol, the judges, and its slipping ratings, if Candice wins, we will have proven that Idol can find talent and skyrocket that talent into the spotlight, where it belongs. Her victory would prove that as tired as many fans are of the old Idol model, it's still kicking, and when you give it chance, it's still got the power to deliver the covetted "moment like this."
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
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One distinct sensation comes over you while watching Baz Luhrmann's colorful film adaptation of The Great Gatsby: that of experiencing the wonder of one's first meeting with Leonardo DiCaprio's Jack Dawson in Titanic. Somehow, with 16 years between the James Cameron film and DiCaprio's turn as F. Scott Fitzgerald's tragic hero, DiCaprio still evokes the sensation of pre-teen lust: the smell of watermelon Bubblicious, the intoxicating mix of movie theater popcorn and Bath and Body Works' Country Apple body spray, and of course, the scent of a fresh issue of Tiger Beat. Against all odds, DiCaprio has remained the ultimate heartthrob long after his years of having his face plasters on teenagers' walls has ended.
But why?
Gatsby Is Basically a Grown Up JackThe beguiling and intoxicating Jay Gatsby ultimately becomes the victim of his own ambition. He reaches for his green light, his unattainable perfect life represented by Daisy and his surreptitiously-acquired wealth, and it eventually drives him to his death in his own pristine swimming pool.
Jack Dawson is almost the reckless, teen version of that ill-fated man. He's a poor kid striving for something more, much like Gatsby before his wealth, and he reaches above his station to attempt to be with Rose (Kate Winslet). It's that dedication and romantic desperation that leads him to his tragic, similarly-watery death.
Add to that the way both dapper charmers lift their coupe glasses of champagne just to the side of the viewer's direct (and ardent) stare, and you've got a direct link – both thematically and in a unavoidable Pavlovian sense – to the young rapscallion who stole our hearts back in 1997.
There's a Leo For Every Stage of One's Romantic and Psychological DevelopmentWhen we first met Leo as the impossibly cute Luke Brower on Growing Pains, we didn't know we were entering the calculated crush-prolonging vehicle that is DiCaprio's illustrious career. After winning our young (make that super young) hearts, DiCaprio captured our more rebellious, angsty proclivities for longing with tragic roles in Luhrmann's Romeo + Juliet and Titanic.
When we needed to grow up just a bit and enjoy movies that made our parents slightly more uncomfortable, we witnessed a serious, and far more sexually stimulating DiCaprio in Danny Boyle's sexy thriller The Beach. (Leo tan and half-naked on a mysterious beach in Thailand? Yes, please.) Like clockwork, DiCaprio moved on to Catch Me if You Can and Gangs of New York, providing a glimpse at his rapidly improving acting abilities and pleasing both sides of our developing DiCaprio pallette: the side that longs for boyish charms and the side that longs for a roguish man.
When we were firmly settled with DiCaprio's new status as a grown man, the onslaught continued and we were helpless but to comply. In The Departed and Blood Diamond, DiCaprio threw himself into the underbelly of some of the world's darkest realms. The tears we cried over his characters' deaths only brought us closer. By the time we got to Revolutionary Road, Shutter Island, and Inception, he was practically our middle school sweetheart all grown up and still true to our ever-beating hearts. To love him was all we knew and everything we wanted.
In Real Life, Leo Is Heartwarmingly Dedicated to Making the Earth a Better PlaceWhen DiCaprio was young, he was well-spoken and a little too cocky for his own good. I remember distinctly watching him tell someone on ET that if one girl said his name, "it spreads like wildfire to all the other girls." I never forgot, because I thought it was unforgiveably arrogant, yet my adolescent longing for the actor grew without my permission. He was teenage cryptonite.
Now, we're older. We're wiser. We want someone with more to offer than knowledge of his own popularity. Enter Leo of 2013. He wrote, produced, and narrated a documentary on global warming called The 11th Hour. He completely fit his home with solar panels and insists on driving a hybrid car. He even flies commercial instead of using private planes because he's that dedicated to helping the environment. Just this week, he raised over $38 million towards global conservation.
We're not even mad that he almost exclusively dates models. This man can do no wrong. He's devilishly handsome. He cares about the Earth. He's so in tune with his roles that when he speaks about his characters, you'd think he'd been possessed by the spirit of Sir Lawrence Olivier.
Even if we hadn't grown up with DiCaprio's career in such a perfect sync, contemporary Leo would be enough. But factor in the machine-like efficiency with which his career has fully ensared us year after year, like a mystical plan devised by a still-unknown intergallatic enemy, and we're absolutely helpless. To even attempt to resist the girlish fervor with which we still worship DiCaprio is futile. We're instricably linked, and there's not a single one of us that's complaining.
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
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Beyoncé didn't become a Queen by divulging all her most precious secrets. She did, however, learn that to keep the peace with her people every monarch must extend the occasional olive branch — and that's exactly what Bey did after canceling her show in Antwerp for the pregnancy-rumor-fueling excuse that she was dehydrated and suffering from exhaustion. On her website, Beyoncé posted this handwritten letter that appears more like lyrics or stanzas of poetry than your average, PR rep-approved, fan-facing apology.
"I've never postponed a show in my life," she writes, further supporting the rampant rumors of baby number two – if she's never done it before, what Earth-shattering reason could there be to do it now but a tiny human growing in her womb? And the rest of the letter is sweet and genuine, promising fans that B will "make it up to them" and adding that she's "feeling much better now/ And I'm ready to give you a great show."
Whether or not Beyoncé is with child, she's showed that she truly understands the reason she gets to run the world: her hopelessly devoted fans.
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Angelina Jolie took a brave step as a mother this month, as she revealed in her New York Times editorial. With the full weight of her mother's untimely death at the age of 56 due to cancer, Jolie took a preventative measure for her health, undergoing a double mastectomy that reduced her chances of breast cancer from 87 percent to five percent. Many fans, journalists, and any other humans with the ability and desire to praise others (including Mr. Jolie, Brad Pitt) have touted Jolie's decision and subsequent openness as heroic. And that, dear people of the Internet, is the only appropriate response at a time like this.
The problem is that there are many people who don't seem to understand that. Jolie has been a polarizing figure in pop culture for years. She endured the supporters of Team Jennifer Aniston when Jolie's affair with Pitt was publicized as the cause for Pitt's divorce from America's favorite girl next door. People love to groan at her children, adopted from destitute countries as an elitist move. When she makes a bad movie, we don't hear the end of it... ever. (Just say the name The Tourist to any movie lover and see what happens.) But when it comes to something this sensitive, comments like "Sorry, but I still can't get over the fact that she's a husband stealer" or "Jolie's not been in the news recently so she must be gagging for some media coverage" or calling the surgery "something only rich people can afford."
This is not okay. Not only are these people missing the point, they're lacking in one essential element: humanity. As Jolie is baring her soul, something she's not wont to do unless it's for a good reason, and opening her most personal struggle to the world for a reason: "I hope it helps to know you have options." And yes, Jolie's procedures at the Pink Lotus Breast Center are likely out of most readers' price ranges, but that doesn't diminish what she's saying. Her goal, in being open and using her fame as a megaphone on the issue, as she states it, is to raise awareness and perhaps even expand women's access to healing and preventative measures.
"It has got to be a priority to ensure more women can access gene testing and live-saving preventative treatment, whatever their means and background, whereever they live," she writes. It may be a lofty, potentially unattainable goal, but it's one that's coming from her heart. It's one meant to counteract the "deep sense of powerlessness" she says cancer can create in its victims.
And while this announcement has certainly made her a trending topic, it's not as if she threw out some Kardashianesque scoop, hoping to drum up ratings for her new reality show. She's using the voracious appetite of the Internet and the rest of media to send her message of health far and wide; she's using the untameable monster for good. How is that something to harp on? Put simply: it's not.
You can hate Angie for stealing Brad. You can hate her for being too beautiful or elitist. You can hate the amount of attention she gets for simply taking her kids to a theme park. You can even hate her for the way she cocks her eyebrow like seduction is second nature or the way her voice carries on like that of a queen in a Disney movie. You cannot, however, hate her for baring her soul in a genuine, articulate, and candid manner as a measure of encouraging women's agency over their own health.
Jolie may be one of the biggest celebrities in the world, but she still has a heart. Those who question that fact, however, are the ones I'd be worried about.
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
More:Angelina Jolie Opens Up About Her Double MastectomySet Pictures of Angelina Jolie in 'Maleficent'Angelina Jolie: Then and Now
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