I couldn’t eat that. I have a cardiovascular system, and I need it to stay alive, unlike some people. That was the first cruelty, the provocation of delicious temptation. The second cruelty is the word “narwhal”, which triggers this painful memory.

I’ve got 5 hours or so of driving on windswept empty roads through some of the flattest prairie around, and now I’m going to have that in my head the whole time.

I truly had no idea that such an intensly annoying song was even a physical possibility, let alone prowled the internet looking for innocent ears to violate.

Why,PZ? Why did you do this to us?

If it was a choice between being forced to listen to this song for hours on end or being eaten by Cthulhu, I think I would rather be eaten by our tentacled overlord. At least the pain would be over quickly.

Now I must search my conscience and ask myself; do I hate anyone enough to send them this song?

Control; “Calling all stations. Calling all stations. We have an atheist on the loose. His name is PZ ‘Meirs’. He has the Narwhal song, and he is not afraid to use it. He has already taken out one border post. He is to be considered armed and dangerous.”

If it was a choice between being forced to listen to this song for hours on end or being eaten by Cthulhu, I think I would rather be eaten by our tentacled overlord. At least the pain would be over quickly.

Not if the Great Elder One wraps you in bacon to make a Bacon-Englishman-Narwhal, and then cooks you, all the while humming the song…

They are also the guys who did the “Blimp” song about helium, http://www.weebls-stuff.com/songs/blimp/. The link takes you to the original flash vid on their website…watch out because that song starts off LOUD.

A moose ridden by Zac Efron is an image too disturbing for many more words…
Was he curious about “…Moose Stuff…”?
Whether ridden in the “Lady Godiva” idiom, or “ridden” in the same sense of “know” in the biblical, some sort of northern territory inter-species erotica; yes, too disturbing for too many more words. Thus, then end of this comment.

Not if the Great Elder One wraps you in bacon to make a Bacon-Englishman-Narwhal, and then cooks you, all the while humming the song?

You make a persuasive argument. At least I would meet my end providing our squidy lord with some proper nourishment.

*Cue Dvorak’s New World Symphony A.K.A the Hovis music*

Hovis Advert Announcer; “A proper Bacon-Englishman-Narwhal is made from generous rashers of finest quality bacon, wrapped around a whole, succulent, free-range Englishman and lightly garnished with ground Narwhal horn. This is then Sandwiched between two slices of Hovis Best Granary.

The endless loop version on the site noted above would be pure, distilled evil.

I just try to imagine Primus having a go at it, and it’s not so bad, but, like Ora-gel on a canker sore; it only works for just so long. Also, narwhals are nautical enough to dovetail right in with John the Fisherman, Fish On and The Ol’ Diamondback Sturgeon.

#26

Narwhals are effective against more than just Cthulhu.

I’d love to set one up in some sort of Home Alone style booby-trap for missionaries and J. Witnesses. As soon as they touch the door bell, I can pull a lever and send a narwhal careening from above to Nar their Whal but good. According to anecdotes, Bibles occasionally stop bullets, saving the faithful owner? I’d like to see if all that onion skin would stop a falling, swinging or otherwise propelled narwhal.

There is something I need to say here – all that meat and fat and so forth is safe to eat, provided you actually use it. To a first approximation, all fat you burn is good fat, and all fat you don’t burn is bad fat. You can happily eat the bacon-chicken narwhal, so long as you get out of your cubicle and get some fucking exercise.

llewelly – Did you look at the actual recipe? For each chicken breast that makes up the body it adds 6 strips of bacon, two pieces of pepperoni, a dollop of sour cream (goes in the middle), and a large piece of cheese (the horn). That takes more burning off than a jog in the park.

That said, I can’t understand the people ragging on the song. It’s hilarious, but I don’t find it sticking in my head at all. I looked at some of their other ones and this is the best by far.

My apologies. It did not occur to me that someone would think “a jog in the park” would be significant exercise. In the world I grew up in, you’re not done jogging until the park is far behind, and you’ve gone over a few hills. And usually, you go around the park, not through it, because most parks are frequented by too many lawbreaking dog owners.

To generalize wildly, almost everyone thinks that what they do and how they think is practically universal. When and where I grew up, running a mile was a lot. Now, many of my friends regularly run two or three miles. They think they’re normal. Then I fell in with runners. The ones who run 15 miles a week think that’s the right amount. The ones who run 40 miles a week think they’re just ordinary guys (or gals). They look up to the ones who run 100 miles a week and wonder where they find the time. The ones who run marathons look up to the ultramarathoners, who train to do 50-mile or 100-mile races. They never look back to when they thought a mile was a long way.

Same with biking: 2 miles, 8 miles, 15 miles, 25, 50, those who go out and bike 100 miles or more in a day… each one thinks they’re normal.

And when you’re driving–isn’t the world made up of maniacs and slowpokes, with hardly anyone else {zippy | sensible | careful} like you?

What I’m hearing these days is that you need about 3 miles or 5 km. of walking a day just to stay healthy. (That’s your 10,000 steps.) But if you go out and run or bike or swim or dance for a few hours, you can eat a bacony narwhal. Or you could decide it serves eight.

No one? No one’s gonna’ take the bait? Okay, I’m up too late and have had too many seasonal “Spring” Blue Moons for my own good; also too much thinly sliced beef tenderloin and refried black frijoles. So, I’m clearly not in my right mind or digestive tract.

YOU’RE NO BADGERS

Badgers? We don’t need no stinking badgers!

Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow. U.S. Pacific time that is. I stand, or rather recline in awe of those that remain cogent and informative beyond the gossamer collective nighty-night time.

What ever that may be. Even if it’s up to the commenter’s discretion.

Extra tentacles for them. Their choice of course, sauteed for tempura fried…