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Beyonce Endorses Beto O’Rourke on Election Day

Nov 07 2018

"Well, trust me, if Beto wants to stop border crossings quicker than Ted Cruz, they can just play his album down there". After some playful back-and-forth ribbing, Triumph turned his attention to Beto's opponent. He refers to him as "the 12th man on any basketball team" and asks questions like "Does it concern you that half your base thinks they can vote for you through Instagram?"

Triumph replied with a burn that might've left a scar. O'Rourke has made headlines for record fundraising and causing a surge of Democratic voter enthusiasm nationwide. Triumph wraps up the interview with, "I'm not saying Ted Cruz supports racist policies, but he was just given the 9AM slot on The Today Show!". One topic of discussion was the recent reports of voting machines switching people's votes from O'Rourke to Cruz. I have a preexisting condition that makes me vomit out of my eyes whenever I look at you.

The high-profile 11th hour endorsement came as American voters were pouring into polling stations to wrap a heated midterm campaign seen as a test of Donald Trump's contentious presidency. He interviews a group of Cruz supporters who crack up throughout his roasting of Cruz, which include a joke that if Ted loses, "he'll end up back with his first love, the mute lady from The Shape of Water?". It's wild that these people are laughing along and agreeing with Triumph, yet are STILL voting for Cruz. "See, because he's a ugly fish monster". "Is that in the GOP health-care plan?"

"Ted, is it true that you will defend the constitution at all costs?"

Finally, Triumph got to harass Cruz up close, and Cruz tried to own the dog. "Hey, I support spaying and neutering", he explained, "just like Trump did to you". Triumph asks when he finally has a brief audience with Cruz.