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Wow. I'm shocked. My brother died.

Yesterday afternoon, I got news from my younger sister that my oldest brother had been diagnosed with lung cancer. http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...-a-bad-brother Tonight, I got news from that same sister that my brother died yesterday evening. He collapsed on the bathroom floor at about 4:30 PM and died a few hours later in hospital.

He was cremated this morning. There will be no service.

I'm shocked that it happened so fast after receiving the news, but I'm not feeling any other emotions.

If he died that quickly after being diagnosed, he must have been quite far along. At least he can rest peacefully now.

Re: Wow. I'm shocked. My brother died.

Originally Posted by Telstra

Do you have any childhood memory when he were under 10, in his teen and in his 20s ?

Just one off the top of my head. When I was a kid, we had a wood stove in our huge kitchen. Whenever my brother got angry (before he was old enough to drive), he would go out back to the woodpile and chop wood. Our kitchen was toasty and warm all winter long. . . at least as long as my brother still lived at home.

Re: Wow. I'm shocked. My brother died.

From what I've experienced, there is no need to feel any particular emotion on any particular schedule… I tend to be an "after the fact" person because sometimes the significance of any of life's events takes a while to figure out. Take care.

Re: Wow. I'm shocked. My brother died.

I am sorry for your loss. I understand what you are going through, I was not close at all to my brother and he passed away from an accident 6 years ago. It took me a long time to fully process the loss and to achieve some peace with it.

Re: Wow. I'm shocked. My brother died.

Originally Posted by gsdx

Just one off the top of my head. When I was a kid, we had a wood stove in our huge kitchen. Whenever my brother got angry (before he was old enough to drive), he would go out back to the woodpile and chop wood. Our kitchen was toasty and warm all winter long. . . at least as long as my brother still lived at home.

That was dangerous with an axe in his hand.
I guess chopping wood was a good thing.

Re: Wow. I'm shocked. My brother died.

I'm truly sorry to hear about that, but I also know that for many of us, when something like that happens, there may be a "break" between what we DO feel, and what we're SUPPOSED to feel.

In any case, whenever we do loose someone close, even though they may not have been Close, it can take some time before our feelings finally "gel".

Through my time, I have lost older relatives, friends, co-workers, my youngest sister, cousins, nephews/nieces, and it's never been an "easy" time for me, with any of them, especially when they were younger than me. However, none of them have been exactly the same. It has depended on the individual, and how TRULY Close I felt to them.

Death is, indeed, a part of Life. And, something that ALL of us will eventually face, too. "We are ALL Spiritual Beings experiencing a Temporary physical existence." Just how "Temporary" that may be, none of us know.

Do not confuse how you "should" feel with the way you DO feel! Stay true to your Heart! It will seldom lead you wrong.

And, of course ... seriously ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

WISDOM is the Knowledge you've gained ... After you could have used it!_Me

Re: Wow. I'm shocked. My brother died.

actually, the quote was "when the ship lifts; all bills are paid - no regrets."

he also said, "Do not confuse “duty” with what other people expect of you; they are utterly different. Duty is a debt you owe yourself to fulfill obligations you have assumed voluntarily. Paying that debt can entail anytbing from years of patient work to instant willingness to die. Difficult it may be, but the reward is self-respect. But there is no reward at all for doing what other people expect of you, and to do so is not merely difficult, but impossible. It is easier to deal with a footpad than it is with the leech who wants “just a few minutes of your time, please--this won’t take long.” Time is your total capital, and the minutes of your life are painfully few. If you allow yourself to fall into the vice of agreeing to such requests, they quickly snowball to the point where these parasites will use up 100 percent of your time--and squawk for more! So learn to say No--and to be rude about it when necessary. Otherwise you will not have time to carry out your duty, or to do your own work, and certainly no time for love and happiness. The termites will nibble away your life and leave none of it for you. (This rule does not mean that you must not do a favor for a friend, or even a stranger. But let the choice be yours. Don’t do it because it is “expected” of you.)"

Re: Wow. I'm shocked. My brother died.

My condolences are with you and your family members. That was sudden but I think much preferable to a long drawn out period of suffering for your brother. I read your post the other day, and no, you were not a bad brother. Take care

Re: Wow. I'm shocked. My brother died.

A thought has crossed my mind, as I'm sure it must have crossed a lot of your minds as well. With his death occurring only a few days after the diagnosis, the collapse in the bathroom, and the swift cremation with no service, I have a feeling that my brother may have committed suicide.

I won't ask the family directly, of course, but I suspect he may have gone into the bathroom, popped open a bottle of pills of some sort, and downed them. I think, perhaps, he didn't want to deal with what my mother went through when she died. She was diagnosed with cancer in November, 2003. She died in December. The cancer had taken away the woman she was and was left a mere shell barely recognisable as my mother. I think, perhaps, my brother didn't want to face that.

Re: Wow. I'm shocked. My brother died.

Originally Posted by gsdx

A thought has crossed my mind, as I'm sure it must have crossed a lot of your minds as well. With his death occurring only a few days after the diagnosis, the collapse in the bathroom, and the swift cremation with no service, I have a feeling that my brother may have committed suicide.

I won't ask the family directly, of course, but I suspect he may have gone into the bathroom, popped open a bottle of pills of some sort, and downed them. I think, perhaps, he didn't want to deal with what my mother went through when she died. She was diagnosed with cancer in November, 2003. She died in December. The cancer had taken away the woman she was and was left a mere shell barely recognisable as my mother. I think, perhaps, my brother didn't want to face that.

Just a thought.

Smart move on his part to have died a quick almost painless death.
My mum died a slow death from lung cancer many years ago. She begged doctors and relatives to put her out of misery but no one could help.

Re: Wow. I'm shocked. My brother died.

Sorry for the loss of your brother.

You could be close to something with the suicide idea. Although, we had a family friend who seemed fine, was diagnosed with lung cancer and was dead in a matter of days. It happened that fast. So it's possible that your brother truly did die of natural causes.

Well, at least you can move forward and not have to wonder about what you should or should not do anymore. Again, sorry for your loss and the end of your brother's life.

Re: Wow. I'm shocked. My brother died.

Originally Posted by gsdx

A thought has crossed my mind, as I'm sure it must have crossed a lot of your minds as well. With his death occurring only a few days after the diagnosis, the collapse in the bathroom, and the swift cremation with no service, I have a feeling that my brother may have committed suicide.

Religious believes aside, I believe it takes courage to do commit suicide.

If that was his decision, it looks like your brother knew what he was doing.

Re: Wow. I'm shocked. My brother died.

Wow.... I'm sorry for your loss...

Whatever your feelings may have been, he was still your brother, and you his. But it sounds like he was spared great suffering in the end by checking out quickly, whatever the cause may have been. I lost a great friend to cancer a few years ago, it was also very quick. I'll miss him forever... but I am glad he didn't have to suffer.

Re: Wow. I'm shocked. My brother died.

Hi there!
Sincere condolences at this personally dreadful time for you and hopefully time is a healer for you and your family sooner than you would imagine happening at the moment.Try as hard as it is and as someone who has lost all his family I know; trust me, to celebrate your brother's life, the good and happy times as opposed to mourning his death and embracing only sadness. Depending upon your belief system of course I like to imagine him in a better place where peace and love abound so far superior to here where the opposite extremes thrive in abundance!
God Bless
Zanadu