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Thursday, April 22, 2010

What Sucks...The Atari Game "Adventure"

Full disclosure, I played this game about 18 zillion times on my old Atari 2600 and I loved it every second of it. That said, holy shit do these graphics suck. There are card games that look cooler than this. “Risk” must have seen this thing in the early 80’s and been like “Nice try, kid now if you don’t mind, Monopoly and I are gonna do some more coke. Hey, look- is that Jimmy Caan…?” (Risk was at the mansion a lot in those days).

I know it’s a different era now- that back then it was all 8-Bit, but still, it’s not that long ago. I mean, I watch old basketball films when the players were all white and yeah, the game looked like it sucked, what is the equivalent of that for video game designers- were Asians banned from designing?

For Christsakes the avatar is a square.

You were a dot. The ball from “Pong”. You couldn’t even go with an asterisk?

And I’ll ask you to guess what these things were…

Dragons! I know I would have said ducks too. Disgraceful! The designers weren’t even trying- I hope all their wives slept with guys from Colecovision- at least they gave a shit.

It gets worse too. The “sword”…

…was an arrow. You know at this point, in the game, call the thing an arrow. It doesn't HAVE to be a sword. Look at the box of the game…

…come on- there are no arrows or ducks on that thing, any less of an effort here and the whole thing could have been a “Choose Your Own Adventure” book.

Look, I loved this game. I played it a million times and spent unknown hours that I will never have back looking around it for special dots that would allow me to go into never before seen screens and mess with stuff. But the graphic designers of this thing, well, I know this will sound harsh but, they deserve to be carjacked by an Eastern European guy. Follow What Sucks on Twitter!

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What Sucks Mission Statement

Suckiness surrounds us all, gripping us in a vice-like hold, with the ferocity of a bear trap made of shit. My mission? To offer insight and shed understanding on the vast, seemingly endless, black hole of crap each one of us has to face on a daily basis. And while that torrent of bullshit is both mammoth in scope and unyielding in its advance, at least here it can be called it out for what it is- a lot of shit that really sucks.

So join me- everyday I’ll shine the spotlight on something that sucks. And your comments, until you weird me out, are always welcome. That being said, thanks for stopping by and sorry everything sucks so bad.

About Me

Chris DeLuca is a writer/ producer/ comic currently living in Hoboken, the Prague of New Jersey. He's written for a bunch of TV shows you probably have not watched or heard of (United States of Hip Hop, Nikki & Sara Live, Mob Wives Reunion, BET's Don't Sleep, and Fuse News- see?) as well as Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn, Best Week Ever, Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson and the 12/12/12 Concert For Sandy Relief. He was also the "World's Oldest Intern" on VH1's Big Morning Buzz. In 2009 he created, wrote and starred in the hilarious, and subversive “Mocap, LLC" on Spike. Sadly, he thinks he caused his parent's divorce.