Monday, February 05, 2007

When you came home this morning from work to take ***** to school, I asked you what you told your boss on why you had to leave early. And you said "I told him that I had to take MY little girl to school."

That almost brought me to tears because she is your stepdaughter, but you love her like your very own. I wish you would have been their when you told your boss that.

PS.YNWIM

Confession #1532

I had an affair. I got drunk on my last trip and ended up in bed with an old friend.

While it was good, it is not enough to make me want to leave you. If I leave, it will be for a multitude of better reasons. But it did teach me something. I now know why I have no sex drive. It is not me, it is you. You are a lazy lover, you do not care about my needs at all, and you are a sadist. All the things that you have brainwashed me to think are normal and acceptable things (you know, the things you do that you know I don't like but you do them anyway), he did not do and was shocked that someone would do that to a person that they supposedly love. I had for the first time in years an experience that I did not have to dread what was coming next, that I could do as I wanted for once, and with someone who treated me with respect and far more affection than you have ever shown me. Now that I remember what sex is supposed to be like, don't count on me participating in your little games. I deserve better than that, and until you can deal with it, you can go without. I will not be made to feel like that again. Ever.

Confession #1533

Your mother drives me nuts! I would never say this out loud becauseshe and I have always gotten along, but she is a dingbat on a goodday and completely clueless. I know you don't pick up on the passiveaggressive criticisms because your family is terrified ofconfrontation, so passive aggressive is their only means ofcommunicating anything other than happy thoughts. I also know that Ipose a huge challenge for your mother as I speak my mind (alwaystactfully) and I am not afraid of confrontation. I am nevercombative with anyone, but for some reason she still won't say whatshe means to me. She can't understand why our daughter and now ourson don't get bottles. She knows I am breastfeeding and that I stayhome, so why would I need to use bottles??? It's easier to nurse himand it's better for him! She also knows you don't help with the kidsmuch. She has commented that you " learned from the best" atavoiding helping out with the kids- meaning you are exactly like yourfather. That is my only saving grace- she knows I do a whole hell ofa lot and she knows I do it alone. I know she doesn't hate me and Iknow she cares a lot about me, but we have this barrier between usand I really feel like it's her feeling that I am stepping on her toes.

She insists on hosting all the holidays, and when we Christened ourdaughter she wanted to host it and was pissed when we told her nothank you, when we had our daughter's birthday, she offered and wasturned down very quickly. She came to our house and made no commentson the food, decorations, nothing! I got this feeling from her withour wedding and never mentioned it. I felt she wanted to be veryinvolved- make decisions, call the shots, and her favorite... get thecredit. I involved her more than most bride's would and I shared allthe details with her. I think this is why your parents paid for noneof our $50k wedding other than the rehearsal dinner. I know thatbothers you because you thought they should have at least offered(not to mention they can definitely afford it) and I know you thinkthey could have bellied up some bucks toward the $10k honeymoon.It's neither here nor there now, but it is in the back of my mindthat she likes to be the queen bee/center of attention. I was incharge of the wedding and she was the mother of the groom so this puther in unfamiliar territory (having planned both your sistersweddings before)- it really came to my attention when her friends allcame to me (separately) at the wedding and raved at how wonderful itwas and that I had done such a fabulous job "planning this all byyourself". They all said the same thing which makes me think it wastalked about constantly by her to them.

It also drives me insane that she has this arrogance about takingcare of the kids. She thinks that because she raised four kids sheshould be entrusted with ours even though she seems to have forgotteneverything about actually watching them. When we brought our sonhome from the hospital and I had to remove our 18 month old daughterfrom the wood steps it really opened my eyes. She was reading afucking magazine when she was supposed to be watching our daughter!The gate was at the bottom of the steps, against the wall, exactlywhere I had left it when we went to the hospital three days earlier.It had not been used, she had not even tried to use it. We were veryclear that our daughter does not go near the steps. What kind ofhelp is that when I am in the bed with a newborn and a surgicalincision, you're in the shower and she's supposed to feeding ourdaughter and I hear her climbing the steps? She didn't evenapologize, she blamed our daughter. She said "she was just thereplaying in the window, I didn't even hear her go up". Duhhhhh, Shedoes things like this all the time. SHe thinks it's ok to skip naps,move nap time around and just feed the kids anything- she is cluless-I have seen her with your sisters kids and it's the same. How didshe raise four of you guys? How did she forget it all? She letsthem get away from her and acts like it's fine. Your nephew felldown her steps when she was watching him, your niece has been pulledoff the steps numerous times when in her care. Both children (3 and1 yrs old) were wondering around outside in the driveway that timeand your mother didn't even know they were outside! Your nephewwalked behind my car while I was backing up and she didn't know hewas outside. Why would I leave my children with her when she clearlyis off her game?

I would never blast you with all this because there is no solution,and I do appreciate that you at least seem to see it, but it drivesme crazy and I can't stand her constant "forgetting" that our sondoesn't use a bottle and her asking "is that good for him to not usea bottle?" and "wouldn't it teach something if he took a bottle?" Hetakes a bottle from the ladies at the gym daycare, that's really theonly time he's away from me. Would she prefer that I put some cokein a bottle like she did???? Idiot!

Confession #1534

You insist we purchase bottled water. So when your gallon jug gets to be about 1/2 empty, I refill it to about 3/4 full with water from the sink.

You haven't noticed yet.

Confession #1535

One major issue I believe after several years of marriage is this: you neverspeak your opinion and blame the lack of results on me. Did you know thatmarried folks actually have to talk together to plan for things they want toachieve? Yes, but you don't seem remotely interested, or say that I wasn'tinterested so you don't raise the issue for 5 years or so. For me I like toplan things: small goals, deal with my infertility, and hmmm, then let's tryto plan for retirement shall we? Or shall we let fate take it's course andsee where the wind blows us next. Here comes the stormy weather.

I rarely get a spontaneous reaction unless you're drunk. I feel, therefore,that you're a stranger until you get drunk and lose your inhibitions.Stories that you share while drunk really make me feel like I don't knowyou. I don't think you'll let anyone in, and I've been fooling myself thatyou would let me in.

I've met someone. Well, I've met someone online. For the past 4 monthswe've grown to support one another: first as friends, but now we both wantmore. I believe that my online use is due to my lack of socialization sinceyou're so introverted, and it's smothering me. No friends except mine do wevisit; or, at least the ones you approve of. My family and extended familyare not acceptable, but I have to bend to your bidding when your folks cometo town.

I'm feeling empowered for the first time in a long time by this one person.The raw communication and honesty is refreshing. I don't have anyreservations about bringing up any topic, and thoughtful responses areincredibly forthcoming. I cling to my online life knowing that I have a lotof support there...I now want him to be part of my everyday life, but Ican't have you in it as well.

I'm social, vibrant, expressive, pissed off sometimes, craving reciprocalpassion, and I've given up all that I enjoy because you don't or think youwon't like them. I need to explore my passions, my desire for art, and Imust get back to connecting with real live humans. You've kept me locked inthis pumpkin shell; but look out man...I'm bustin' out of here.

Confession #1536

As I read your confession I felt like I knew you, I felt like crying for you because through your writing I felt your pain. I read this site a lot and I read all about everybody’s lives and how some are happy and some are very sad. This confession really touched me, I know how it is to have medical problems and people not understand how you feel and how it affects your body, mind and soul. I pray that it gets better for you and everybody that is unhappy and sad on this site. I wish nothing but blessings and GOD’s strength for the woman on here.

Sincerely,

Blessed and Highly Favored

Confession #1537

I don't want to have feelings for him. But I do.

He's so anti-you in all the right ways. Now you're gone.I know you won't be back. And I don't want you to comeback. It's done.

I saw you so clearly the last time. Someone so selfish andfull of bullshit pride that he will never even know whatkind of love was there.

And now he's there. Being the person that I always wishedyou were. Saying the things I always wished you would say. It's as if my heart was completely dehydrated by you andhe's filling it up with the water that it desperatelyneeds.

But he's with someone else. He's not *for* me even thoughhe says he is.

And so I try to stay away, but I can't say no to him, eventhough my head screams it, my heart doesn't allow thatscream to be heard. My fucking dehydrated heart needs thatwater.

Confession #1538

I've said it before - the occasional days you let me sleep in - and I find fresh bagels and coffee in the thermos when I wake - Damn, but that makes me fall in love with you again.

Confession #1539

Three years I waited.

Patiently, angrily, frustrated.

I waited for three years for you to sleep with me.

You never did.

You wouldn't even talk about it.

Every single day for three years I thought about cheating on you.

Did I do it?

No.

Nobody can understand why I didn't.

I don't know why I didn't either.

I felt disgusting every day.

Like I wasn't pretty enough for you.

To tell you the truth, if I had cheated, we'd probably still be together.

Instead, you're gone, I'm going to get laid, and you're alone.

I'm happy now.

Confession #1540

I need a man who is honest....who is financially responsible....who can take care of me, both by giving me things I need and being strong enough to hold me accountable....who honors his commitments....who can make decisions and stick with them....who can say no to me and to himself....who can prioritize and do what he needs to do before what he wants to do.

I need a man who knows that love is necessary, but that sex and all that stuff is just icing on the cake....who can admit when he is wrong and forgive me when I am wrong....who understand that sometimes (most of the time), we are both wrong....who tells me I am beautiful and can explain why without ever mentioning my body....who would love to spend every moment with me, but can give me space and take space for himself without any resentment.

I need a man who believes I can do anything and who wants me to try everything, even if it means he has to wait for me....who values my education over his desires for our future.

I need a patient man.I need a man who will change....who changes without me ever having to ask....who understands that compromising doesn't have to mean sacrificing your integrity....who understands that the world isn't always fair, but nevertheless knows that we are blessed and unworthy of God's grace....who doesn't feel like he is entitled to anything from me or the world....who knows the difference between a dream and a promise....who won't throw my words back in my face.

I need a man who begins every day with a clean slate and keeps no record of wrongs....who doesn't keep score, but knows that with love, we both win....who believes I am perfect, but aknowledges and forgives my faults....who I don't have to justify or explain to anyone....who the world can admire and respect as much as I do.

I need a man whose priorities are in the right place....who will spoil me when he can, but knows that sometimes it's better to go without....who I am never afraid of....who makes me a better person by loving me and allowing me to love him in return.

1533, your MIL isn't a dingbat or clueless. She knows exactly what she is doing at all times. She is using the stupid act to get her way and as her excuse "Oh, I didn't know that was wrong". There is a great website you should go to get some great advice on how to deal with her and your DH. motherinlawstories.com there are some seasoned DIL's of all different kinds of MIL's there. MIL's who are p/a like yours, even ones who are homocidal and have tried poisoning their DIL's.

Don't ever look away from your MIL and don't ever trust your kids with her. The lives of your kids are more important than your DH keeping the peace.

To #1533You are a spoiled little bitch, and your in-laws should not have to chip in for your $10,000 dollar honeymoon, for god's sake. If you don't want her taking care of your damn kids, HIRE A BABYSITTER, or stay the hell home and take care of them yourself. Take some responsibility for yourself, get a life, and stop nitpicking. Ugh. I'm glad you aren't my daughter in law.

1533 ~ There is a dealing with inlaws site on babycenter that may be of help to you. Trust me I have been helped a million and one ways there. And I totally agree with what 9:32 said. Keep your guard!!

to Annon 11:05/11:08 ~ Seriously you are probably one of the reasons a site like that exists. For dealing with people like you.

to 1533 It's fine your MIL annoys you. She sounds kind of annoying by your descriptions, but expecting someone else to pay for your wedding is DISGUSTING, especically one so extravagant. Furthermore- since you seem like the argumentitive type- if you want to go with saying traditionally the parents pay for weddings, I would argue that was back when couples got married at 18 right out of high school and didn't live on their own first or have stable incomes already- and it was the BRIDES family that paid, not the grooms. (also weddings didn't cost an arm and a leg!) -Jana

$50K is a lot for a wedding, and it is the responsibility of the bride or her family to pay for it; however, it is the responsibility of the groom or his family to pay for both the rehearsal dinner, and the honeymoon. JFTR.

#1532 - I am so sorry that you had to have that experience of dreading what was coming next during sex. Sex should never be painful or demeaning. Sex is always a partnernship, two people exploring and sharing and discussing. I hope you never again feel that you have to do something that you don't enjoy. That's not what sex or love is about.

1533 here... yes $50k for the wedding is a lot, but not ridiculous- it depends on where you live, how many guests you have and, most importantly- WHAT YOU CAN AFFORD!!!!! and I can afford it, which I guess explains why I am a"spoiled little bitch" (11:05)

furthermore, Jana, I never expected my inlaws to pay for my wedding- nor did I indicate I expected that- actually if you read my post I said that my husband would have liked them to have offered. He's the baby of the family and doesn't really know the etiquette on those things. All in all, it doesn't matter because all we wanted is what we have- each other and our two beautiful babies. Our lives would be exactly the same if we had eloped and we would be just as happy. and his mother would still be unqualified to ever watch my kids! She lives close and gets lots of visits- I DO have a babysitter and she's fabulous. (11:05)

Um, 11:44? Why do I not have a life for expressing my opinion? Are you one of those people who thinks everyone is JEALOUS if they don't like something? I simply choose not to live a life where I have to curry favor with people by spending huge amounts of money to attempt to impress them. I have less ego than that, that's all. I don't really see how expressing one's distaste for something that someone puts up for the world to see is "bringing down the site." I think you have missed the whole point. I really don't know why I'm even responding to you, (maybe it's because I need a life, and you were right all along).

#1534 and others I don't know when bottled watered became a need, but I think this is very common. Although in some places I've been (up north and in Chicago burbs) the water is nasty and brown, but I live in the city.