Gay, Aging and Long-Term Care

Gay, Aging and Long-Term Care

Aging Is Not The Same For Everyone

As you are probably aware, the Palm Springs area is becoming a popular place to retire for people in the LGBT community. With that comes the need for awareness and sensitivity to the different needs of the LGBT population as they age. I’ve had the privilege of speaking to several groups of LGBT seniors in the Coachella Valley about the different options for long-term care available here. And, these experiences have opened my eyes to the unique circumstances affecting people who, in many cases, have lived most of their lives in the closet or in fear of someone finding out they are gay.

I’d like to share a story that a colleague of mine told me recently. It really highlighted for me just how different the experience is for LGBT seniors as they navigate the healthcare system, as well as the different care options as they age.

Sally’s Story

My colleague told me a story about Sally and the day that he met her. She had just been released from the hospital after a recent fall and needed help with bathing and basic chores around the house. My colleage is in the in-home senior care business and Sally had just been referred to him. He was conducting an in-home assessment with her to determine the type of care she needed and to learn a little more about her so that he could match her with the appropriate caregiver.

During the assessment, he asked Sally about her support network. Did she live alone? Does she have friends or family in the area? Basic questions like that. That’s when Sally told him about Margaret. “Margaret”, she said, “was my business partner”. Margaret had just recently passed away and Sally had no other support system except for a wonderful neighbor who did as much as she could to help. He later learned from Sally’s neighbor that Margaret and Sally had lived together for over 50 years. And, that Margaret was the love of Sally’s life. My colleague’s heart sank.

Imagine Not Being Able To Live And Love Openly

But, this is not uncommon. Especially as LGBT seniors encounter the health care and long-term care system. I’ve heard and read many stories about LGBT seniors being mistreated by medical / care workers because of their sexual orientation. Many LGBT seniors don’t even tell their primary care doctor of their sexual orientation.

A recent survey by the National Resource Center on LGBT Aging—which provides support and services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender elders—found that respondents were frequently mistreated by care-center staff, including cases of verbal and physical harassment, as well as refusal of basic services. Some respondents reported being prayed for and warned they might “go to hell” for their sexual orientation or gender identity.

With same-sex marriage legal nationwide and organizations such as The LGBT Aging Project, a nonprofit that advocates for equal access to life-prolonging services, we should theoretically be living in a golden age for LGBT seniors. Yet the LGBT Aging Center’s survey found that only 22 percent of respondents felt they could be open about their sexual identities with health-care staff. Almost 90 percent predicted that staff members would discriminate based on their sexual orientations or gender identities. And 43 percent reported instances of mistreatment. Meanwhile, few elder-care providers have services directly targeted at helping them.

Many who won the first civil rights victories for generations to come are now dying prematurely because they are reluctant to ask for help and have too few friends or family to care for them.

Breaking Down Barriers for LGBT Seniors

So, how do we address this issue? One of the things I discovered is that there are very few programs or services offered for medical and care professionals that create awareness of this issue. Things like sensitivity training and partnerships with local LGBT organizations that can shed light on this issue and give them the information and tools to help them. The aim must be to guard LGBT seniors from being forced back into the closet as they age. The documentary Gen Silentfollows the stories of six LGBT senior citizens who must navigate the intricacies of a long-term care system that is unsupportive of LGBT individuals. They also have a wonderful training curriculum targeted at care facility staff which allows them to get an understanding of what it’s like to age as an LGBT person. And, just how fearful they are of being discriminated against or mistreated.

I will venture to say that most care providers and staff members would never knowingly discriminate against someone because of their sexual identity. But that doesn’t mean LGBT seniors feel like they can be themselves. There’s a difference between wanting to provide a safe environment and actually providing one. What we know about the whole field of cultural competency is that, unless I really understand the person I’m serving, I’m going to provide them with what I personally would like, or what I think they need.

For example, a well-meaning staff member might accidentally make an LGBT elder uncomfortable by asking certain questions—about spouses, children, or grandchildren—that assume the resident is heterosexual. Instead, we should encourage people to ask, ‘Who are the important people in your life?’ Even using the word “partner” is more inclusive than using husband or wife. It doesn’t automatically assume the person is heterosexual.

LGBT training for long-term care staff can really open their eyes to the experiences and needs of the LGBT community. The training provides language and terminology to help support and educate staff members who may be struggling with how to best care for LGBT residents. Although an increasing number of long-term care facilities throughout the country are doing more to reach out to LGBT seniors, significant progress is needed before this becomes a widespread practice.Unfortunately, because so many LGBT elders are not comfortable being out, aging service providers often do not realize that they are serving this population and do not recognize that they may need to change their policies and practices to become more LGBT-inclusive.

Please leave a comment below if you know of others who are making a difference for our aging LGBT pioneers.

The Local Experts in Senior Living

Read What Our Happy Clients Are Saying

Helped Me Make an Informed Decision

Choosing a retirement home for my father up until now has been a trying, stressful and difficult task, but your help with this has changed all that. You turned this experience into an informative and exciting opportunity which both I and my father are looking forward to. You helped me relax throughout… Read more “Helped Me Make an Informed Decision”

Judy B.

You Are Truly the Local Experts

Dear Leann, I am writing to thank you for all of the help you gave me when I was looking for an assisted living facility / room and care home to place my husband early this year and then recently when we decided to move him to Los Angeles, two hours away… Read more “You Are Truly the Local Experts”

Rosemary H.

Now We Can Focus on Quality Time With Our Mom

When family caregivers need help, I recommend that they reach out to Senior Living Options of the Desert. When Karyn and I needed to consider residential care for her 90 year old mother we were referred to SLO by our medical group. Senior Living Options of the Desert guided us through what… Read more “Now We Can Focus on Quality Time With Our Mom”

Jim & Karyn R

Five + Stars!

Leann and her team at Senior Living Options of the Desert were absolutely heroic in helping our client’s family find the right care option for their mother and father. When it became too much for them to remain in their homes safely I referred them to Leann. She was amazing and my… Read more “Five + Stars!”

I Highly Recommend

As a Case Manager, I had all the information at my fingertips, but I sat there, struggling with this, as so often the families of my patients do. I was paralyzed, frightened and pressed for time to make a decision and do the right thing. My saving grace and gift from God… Read more “I Highly Recommend”

Erin D. R.N.

Far Beyond My Expectations

I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you and the staff of “Senior Living Options” for assisting me with making the right choice of an Assisted Living facility for my father and stepmother. Further, the services and resources offered by your agency went far beyond my expectations. Along with several tours… Read more “Far Beyond My Expectations”

Jack W.

Thank You!

When my Mom suddenly wasn’t able to live independently, Rick and Susan Peterson of Senior Living Options of the Desert were really great in helping her to find a good safe place to live. They were attentive to her personal needs, respectful of her budget requirements and really supportive. They were also… Read more “Thank You!”

Alex S. M.

Your Recommendation Was On The Nose

Just a short note to tell you how much I appreciate your time and effort on behalf of myself and my wife amidst the guilt and confusion of acknowledging that my wife would be better cared for in the proper long term care facility. Your recommendation was on the nose. The caring… Read more “Your Recommendation Was On The Nose”

Charles O.

You Are The Best!

I can’t thank you enough for all your help. You are the best. It was a great comfort knowing that you are on “my side.” I know my dad thanks you also.

Linda

They Are The Best!

I don’t know what I would have done without this kind of help! I didn’t realize this was a business of helping people. I definitely recommend Senior Living Options of the Desert, they are the best!

Natalie A.

A Guiding Hand!

Working with Senior Living Options of the Desert has been an extraordinary opportunity for our family to spend time with our mother. There was a guiding hand every step of the way.

Lars H.

I Sleep Peacefully at Night Now!

Hi Janice, I just wanted to write a note to give my heartfelt thanks to Leann and Rick for their incredible assistance in finding the right place for my dad and for guidance in how to complete the VA forms (including the correct forms) to submit for financial assistance. My dad was… Read more “I Sleep Peacefully at Night Now!”

Cindy T.

You Came Highly Recommended

We can’t thank you enough for being there in our great need. Because we live in Arizona, we had no idea how to find a good care home for Walt’s sister. > You came highly recommended by the hospice program. By talking to you on the phone and your kind visit to… Read more “You Came Highly Recommended”

Walt and Marcia F.

Our Sincere Gratitude

On behalf of myself and Veronica Urich’s entire family we would like to express our sincere gratitude for all of your help in the placement of our Grandmother-mother-wife. We moved her into her new home about 1 ½ weeks ago and everything went smooth. She seems really happy there, which makes all… Read more “Our Sincere Gratitude”

Wendy P.

Compassion and Personal Service

I really appreciated the compassion and personal service that Senior Living Options provided when I needed to find a Board and Care facility for my mom. While under the stress to find the right facility in a short period of time, Senior Living Options of the Desert made the process easy, by… Read more “Compassion and Personal Service”

Michael L.

The Peace-of-Mind You Have Given Me is Priceless

﻿Senior Living Options of the Desert were a God send! When it became clear my Mother could no longer live on her own, I didn’t know where to turn. My Mother was diagnosed with second stage dementia. I didn’t know where to start. A friend recommend Senior Living Options of the Desert,… Read more “The Peace-of-Mind You Have Given Me is Priceless”

Lisa R.

Your Compassion and Caring is Evident In All You Do

Words cannot describe how wonderful you’ve been. During each challenge along the way, you’ve made yourself available to help us determine the best possible transition for Dennis’ Mother. Your compassion and caring is evident in all you do. On behalf of the entire family, thank you for your help.

Catherine and Dennis A.

I Felt Like You Were Family

I live in North Carolina. Being so far away is difficult and I have felt helpless. When I spoke with you about the possibilities for my sister I was impressed by your genuine kindness, information, immediate response, follow up and concern. You do not even know me, yet I felt like I… Read more “I Felt Like You Were Family”

Pat B.

5 Stars

Very helpful & knowledgeable and made me feel so comfortable while helping me with my mom’s placement. I would highly recommend them as they have so much heart and really care about your loved one. 3/17/2017

Debbie

I am Deeply Indebted to You

Now that I have time to breath I wanted to send you the biggest and best thank you for the heartfelt time and effort that you spent helping me with my mother. It is never easy when your parent gets older and starts to fade and unable to care for themselves. In… Read more “I am Deeply Indebted to You”

Jerry G.

Leann Is a Special Kind of Person

I am so fortunate when I initially contacted Senior Living Options of the Desert and that Leann would be the one contacting me. It takes a special kind of person to do what Leann does. Her patience and knowledge after meeting my parents and experiencing their personalities and which communities were best… Read more “Leann Is a Special Kind of Person”

Dolores J.

Great Staff!

I want to thank you for having such a wonderful staff. I have been working with Senior Living Options of the Desert and they go above and beyond when it comes to helping you find just the right solution for your needs. They have helped me place my mom in a home… Read more “Great Staff!”

Pat R.

A Wonderful Experience!

If I had not been referred to Senior Living Options I don’t know where I would have turned. It’s an incredible free service, a priceless free service. It’s been a wonderful experience!

Don C.

You Were Most Knowledgeable

You were most knowledgeable, understanding and supportive in patiently taking me to personally visit and inspect the several facilities that you prescreened for me.

Gene L.

Thanks So Much For Your Help

Leann – thanks so much for the help you were able to provide. Your associate, Colleen lead my dad to a few places, and Merrill Garden is where both he and Myrsene plan to move, if VA financially supports, and I believe that won’t be an issue, by March 1. It is… Read more “Thanks So Much For Your Help”

Denise

A Partner With Eisenhower

Just wanted to take a few minutes today to formally thank you for the interesting and very informative seminar you presented to the senior concerns committee this past Sunday. Although the turnout was somewhat small, the enthusiasm of the participants clearly made up for it. You were entertaining, easy to understand, and… Read more “A Partner With Eisenhower”

Michael P. and Jane Z.

A Truly Personalized Service

The services that Senior Living Options of the Desert provide are a valuable resource for anyone, in any form, of case management. It is truly a personalized service. I have worked with the staff from Senior Living Options of the Desert and you have proven to go out of your way for… Read more “A Truly Personalized Service”

Quynh T.

Such A Pleasure To Work With

We thank you for all your efforts in narrowing down the best placement for Marilyn. You are such a pleasure to work with. We feel very blessed.

Catherine K. A.

You Came To My Rescue

I wanted to let you know how much I appreciated your staff. For me and my family you were an answer to a prayer. I had begun to despair I would not find the right place for my father. You came to my rescue.

Kim G.

Tenacity and Enthusiasm

Thank you for your tenacity and enthusiasm in assisting me in my time of crisis, it was life changing for my mother and myself. It has been a privilege to receive excellent service beyond my expectations. My mother and myself were very fortunate to encounter someone with your knowledge of assisted living… Read more “Tenacity and Enthusiasm”

Arlene S.

Attention To Detail

They know the facilities, they know the management, they know the environment, so with each individual they can cut through the clutter. That’s what it’s all about, attention to detail and sensitivity.

Steve G.

Caring, Professional & Knowledgeable

Leann is a perfect combination of caring, professional and knowledgeable. My family had a challenging situation that warranted a quick solution and Leanne was amazing in her guidance—from knowing the optimal facilities, getting tours set up in a timely fashion, to referrals for other high quality providers. She even helped out over… Read more “Caring, Professional & Knowledgeable”

Lisa

Alzheimer’s Support

Leann, where do I start? First of all, you need to replace your supply of business cards at the Rancho Mirage Alzheimer’s office because I just took the last 4 that were there in the card holder. I forgot who the other rep is that has cards in that same holder but… Read more “Alzheimer’s Support”