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Author
Topic: History of Liberals and Conservatives (Read 3636 times)

Someone sent this to me today. The person is left coast lib who has never been able to accept the concept that at its very heart liberalism is immoral and the dotcom bubble war really caused by Bin Greenspans easy money policies.

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girliemen.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers,corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

yeah,the same greenspan. One ugly dude. My comment had nothing to do with Clinton,libs, or conservatives, it had to do with a theory of mine in late 90s that caused me great scorn from all my rich friends in techworld, that low interest rates and easy money policies of Greenspan after the South American and Hong Kong collapses of late 90s caused the great dotcom bubble,not some new economy,Clinton or republican congress. Easy money flowed into companies with no revenues or profits and often no business plan.After the collapse because of Greeny raising interest rates, people put their money into real estate, and of course it is now in the final stages of a bubble. Will real estate crash be like Naz? I have no idea, but I do know when you lend money with nothing down and variable rates,you have a recipe for the perfect disaster.

That is one hell of an incisive look at libs vs. cons. Your contributions to the forum are invaluable, jack.

I especially love the pejorative denotation of all things "female," going so far as to equate being a female as an undesirable circumstance. Cons "still provide for their women." I'm glad some of us are living in the 21st century.

Excuse me if I'm wrong but I thought the Blue Whale was the largest and most powerful animal on earth. I've never been too fond of elephants after one blew its trunk into my box of popcorn at the Audubon Zoo when I was a child, which clearly explains why I'm not a Log Cabin Republican.

One needs to look no farther than Star Wars for the complete reliable history of Conservative (The Empire) vs Liberal (The Rebellion).

Think about it. It applies.

Logged

LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safelyin a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT ARIDE!!!

The cat was domesticated to keep rodents away from the grain supplies which made cities possible after the Agricultural Revolution. They killed pests while leaving grain alone... unlike dogs.

Without cats, rats and mice would have eaten stored grain, cities would have collapsed, and everyone would have starved.

The more you know.

And they make nice coats when enough of them piss you off.

Logged

LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safelyin a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT ARIDE!!!

I am assuming, after reading the original posting, that perhaps Little Jacky's mommy and daddy didn't pay quite enough attention to him when he was a wee child. Which would go a long way towards explaining why he screams so to get some now. Jacky,Jacky,Jacky, come to us and allow us to give you the great big group hug that you obviously crave so desperately. After that we can visualize a bright white healing light surrounding you and helping to make it all better. In Loving Friendship, Capt.Carl

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers,corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

I love the fact that I make more money than most of the conservatives I train to run their businesses. Most of the time, they can't get their heads far enough off the bottom line to understand that you have to spend money to make money. And most of the time, conservatives don't understand that happy employees are productive employees. They also have more heart attacks and are generally a lot fatter than most liberals. No one actually takes conservatives seriously because they are afraid of women and can't get past the fact that you really don't need to wear a tie to do a good job. In fact, in most companies run by conservatives, the alpha male doesn't really do anything and depends on his female workers who actually know how the company is run. But I couldn't possibly have any experience with this kind of stuff because I am a lazy america hating liberal. Conservatives spend a whole lot of time telling you how honest they are, while raping your pocket book in the name of Jesus, who does, indeed, want you to be rich. Conservatives hunt with guns because they are too fat and lazy to actually hunt with something difficult like a bow and arrow. They cough like sissies when asked to run somewhere. In fact, most male conservatives sleep in silk nighties because their conservative wives caught on long ago that conservatives really actually hate women. Conservatives hate people who take drugs, but they really like oxycontin. When conservatives fail at managing the economy, they blame it on liberals, even though liberals haven's been in power since the early nineties. Mostly though, Conservatives are so wheel of fortune.... liberals are jeopardy.

Logged

Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

And here I though you were talking Canadian politics, where the two main parties are sensibly named the Liberals and the Conservatives. I mean what's with names like Republicans? Aren't Democrats for the Republic too? Don't even get me started parties like Christian Democrats etc.

Up here we are unfortunately in an unnatural Conservative interregnum. Hopefully the stars will soon align and the Liberals , also known as the Natural Governing Party will return to power.