Dangerous Toys (Part 2)

Ready for more dangerous toys? Most of these seem like innocent fun, but as we saw before, they are sneaky dangerous. Here are a few more…

KITES

The picture above shows just one of the dangers of this seemingly innocent toy. Obviously, you want to keep kites away from power lines and refrain from flying them in lightning storms (thank you Ben Franklin!), but those are just the most obvious dangers. I have never actually heard of this happening, but what I am most paranoid about is the kite string getting wrapped around someone’s neck and choking or decapitating them. Throw in the chance of being hoisted up into the air by a strong gust of wind and the kite nosediving into your eye and this is one toy that has the potential to destroy many lives.

SIT ‘N SPIN

While I’m sure we can all agree that it’s hilarious to get people all dizzied up and watch them stumble about, it seems as though this toy should include at least a helmet and at most full-body armor. This seems like it would be better suited as a party game for adults than a toy for small children. Kids dizzily stumbling around is bad enough, but that is only dangerous for those who are lucky enough to hold on until the spinner stops spinning. If your child has sweaty palms or a weak grip I would suggest not letting him anywhere near this toy unless you want to look up and see your child flying helplessly across the room.

SLIP ‘N SLIDE

Hey, I know! Let’s get a long piece of plastic, set it on a downward slope, slick it up, give kids a running start at it, and put a small puddle at the end of the slide to catch them. That sounds like a fantastic idea! I cannot possibly imagine this ever turning out poorly. In fact, the steeper the hill you let them slide down, the better! That three inch deep puddle of water at the end will gently stop anybody flying down the slide. Yeah…

PAPER FOOTBALL

The majority of this game is quite harmless. The only danger in sliding a triangular piece of paper back and forth across the table is the freakishly rare papercut. Really though, that’s just bad luck more than it is dangerous. I enjoy a good game of paper football as much as the next guy (if the next guyLOVES paper football!), but there is one part of the game that just seems moronic. That part would, of course, be kicking field goals and extra points. In this part of the game, you basically have two options. The first option is to place your finger uprights directly in front of you, so that you can use your body to block the football and keep it from getting away. The problem with this is fairly obvious – if your opponent successfully converts the kick, you are almost guaranteed to get hit in the face or neck and possibly lose an eye or nostril. The second option is to place the finger uprights off to the side of your body. The biggest problem with this is that if there is someone sitting behind you, you can bet that football is going to either land in their food/drinks or it’s going to hit them in the head and cause them to want to beat the tar out of you. Pick your poison.

POGS

So I realize that these were only popular for a few months sometime in the early/mid 1990’s, but I was really into them at the time. I actually still have mine if you are ever in the neighborhood and pining to pog it up. On the surface the game seems harmless enough. That is until you consider that the game consists of stacking up little pieces of cardboard and giving kids a solid metal disc to throw onto/at the stack of cardboard in order to flip over as many pogs as possible. I’m sure that no adolescent boy would ever realize just how perfectly that solid metal disc fits in his fingers, giving him the perfect projectile to throw as hard and fast as possible.

That’s all the dangerous toys for now, but stay tuned for more in the near future. In the meantime, try not to fall victim to the sneaky danger of any of the toys listed here or here.

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