“But
everybody’s doing it.” Is there any parent who has not heard
that cry? Perhaps your child wants to go to an inadequately chaperoned
party. Maybe a teenager wants to read the latest best-selling book that
his or her parents see as morally suspect. No matter the issue, children
want to be part of a group.

We adults
are susceptible to this desire as well. We buy new clothing and cars so
that we ‘fit in’ with a certain crowd; we watch popular movies
because ‘everyone’ is talking about them. Sometimes we even
vote with our social group rather than researching and making an informed
decision.

We are
not only influenced by others, but we are also the influencers. When I
succumb to complaining, cowardice or anger, I affect my spouse, children,
neighbors and co-workers. Contaminated by my attitude, they will be more
likely to behave the same way. If I lower my standards and speak rudely
or profanely, others will more easily do so as well.

We are
in the Jewish High Holy Day period that began with Rosh HaShana and ends
on Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement next Wednesday. It is a time for intense
introspection on one’s life, achievements, failures and goals. Simultaneously,
it is a time for communal reflection and involvement. When we enumerate
our sins on Yom Kipur, each individual has his or her own list, yet the
format we recite is in plural language. Sentence after sentence begins
with the words “We have sinned...” rather than, “I have
sinned.”

Isn’t
this strange? Even orphans say, “We are guilty of not appreciating
parents.” Even the most upright among us say, “We have stolen.”

This
interaction between our unique lives and the larger community is one of
the universal messages of Yom Kippur (download my audio CD Day
for Atonement, now at half price, to learn more). It is a time to
strip away the illusion that we are independent and self-directed and
to recognize how much of the wrong way that we think and act is a function
of following the crowd. It is a time to recognize our own responsibility
not only for ourselves but also for others. As we take an annual moral
inventory, we need to assess with clarity the inescapable intertwining
of our lives with the lives of the many different groups of people with
whom we share life on earth.

After
starkly facing our failings during this period, we emerge from the holy
days with optimism and conviction. It is wrong to think of peer pressure
only as negative. When we smile despite our pain, we also influence others.
When we express gratitude and are gracious to others, the effects of that
ripple outward as well. If we are courageous and cling to standards, immune
to what ‘everyone else’ is doing, we make it easier for others
to do so as well.

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This
is a good time of year to set the odometer back to zero and reject becoming
ensnared in the failings of society, no matter how widespread they are.
It is a particularly conducive time to commit to being leaders in exemplifying
moral greatness. Each of the five audio CDs in our Biblical
Blueprint Set (one of which is Day for Atonement) highlights one area
on which to focus our attention. Whether it is guarding our words, managing
our time, understanding the importance of the two tablets given on Mt.
Sinai or escaping from seemingly impossible problems, these messages can
help you embark on an improved path. These five CDs are particularly cost-effective
right now, at only $20 for the set via instant download. Save $19.95 as
you chart a fresh course. As the Day of Atonement teaches us, the benefits
will not only enhance your own life, but will affect those around you
in immeasurable ways.

Yom
Kippur teaches us to work from the inside out, in contrast to tyrants
who impose their will on others while indulging themselves. When we change
ourselves, we change our families. When we change our families, we change
our communities. When we change our communities, we change our country.
When we change our country, we change the world.

Rabbi Daniel Lapin, known world-wide
as America's Rabbi, is a noted rabbinic scholar, best-selling author and
host of the Rabbi Daniel Lapin Show on San Francisco’s KSFO. He
is one of America’s most eloquent speakers and his ability to extract
life principles from the Bible and transmit them in an entertaining manner
has brought countless numbers of Jews and Christians closer to their respective
faiths. In 2007 Newsweek magazine included him in its list of America’s
fifty most influential rabbis.