Mistake #7

Asking people to come to a restaurant to celebrate your husband's birthday  but then expecting them to pay their own way.

Why it's wrong: When the fete is for a member of your immediate family, you're automatically considered the host, meaning that you will foot the bill. (After all, if your husband's party were in your home, you wouldn't ask guests to contribute at the door.)

What to do instead: Be clear with invitees about your intentions. Here's how you communicate that you're picking up the check: "I'm hosting a dinner for Stan at Jackson's Place. Can you join us as our guest?" If you can't afford to entertain a large group at that restaurant, don't ask others to contribute. Simply invite fewer people, choose a less expensive location or have the party at your home instead. If the honoree is a friend rather than a relative, then the rules are different. To communicate clearly that you're merely the organizer, not the host, say something like this: "John, you heard about Jill's promotion. What do you think about the four of us  you and Sara and Eddie and me  taking Jill and her husband to Miromar's to celebrate? If you're interested, I'd be more than happy to make the reservation." Now John knows that if he says yes, he's picking up his share of the bill.

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