Reading the Trib’s report of the Lakewood Village Board’s affirmative vote, I was appalled, aghast, and agog to read that the Village President, Julie Richardson, had responded to an audience member who asked “why a referendum measure on such a ‘big moral issue’ couldn’t have been voted on by residents of the Park District …” with the statement that

“This board does not consider this a moral issue”

Well, that’s just crazy talk. I have personally known two guys in my medical school class who were competitive rowers, and I have significant concerns about the moral values of both. First, doesn’t it seem suspicious that 100% of the rowers I’ve known are male – or at least have claimed to be male – since birth? What have they done with the women? Further, I have observed both of the rowers with whom I am acquainted swilling down beer – sometimes as much as two cans in the same night. As is well known, beer is a gateway drug to whiskey sours, bourbon and water, crystal meth, and heroin. Even more worrisome is the fact that, after only three years of marriage, the wife of one of these rowers gave birth to a child who much resembles him, raising the all too real possibility that this rower and his wife have committed sexual intercourse at least once within wedlock.

If those actions don’t raise moral concerns, then … well, I just don’t know what.

Besides, both of these rowers were determined, hard-working, disciplined individuals with well toned bodies and substantial self-esteem, and who wants guys like that around here?

Note: Originally posted Apr 12, 2006 at 1HeckOfAGuy.com, a predecessor of AllanShowalter.com