The Drag Queen Who Leads His Church's LGBTQ+ Ministry

This Lent, radio host and writer Xorje Olivares is speaking with fellow LGBTQ+ faithfulto learn more about how they're queering their beliefs.

It was at a school dance at Long Island’s St. John the Baptist High School that a then-15-year-old Jay Malsky decided to tell someone he was gay for the first time. It was the female classmate he was “sort of dating,” and her response was immediate and frank: Go talk to the school chaplain.

Their conversation was the opposite of what you might expect: Malsky says the clergyman reassured him that God made him gay and loved him regardless. It wasn’t too surprising considering the pastor ran the school’s gay support group. And yes, we’re talking about a Catholic parochial school in the early 2000s and a kid in his mid-teens.

Since then, the Bellport, New York native says his ride toward full self-acceptance as a queer man who happens to be Catholic has been mostly smooth. Today, Malsky is embarking on his fifth year living in New York City as both a drag comedian and the leader of his church’s LGBTQ+ ministry. Inclusive groups like the one Malsky leads are incredibly scarce nationwide, and are often viewed with contempt by traditionalists who fear LGBTQ+ Catholics are somehow debasing their shared religion. A few “devout” conservatives have even written about Malsky online and criticized him for his professional persona, referring to him as “a homosexual drag queen performer who openly celebrates sodomy in obscenity-laden posts on his Twitter feed.” (If that doesn’t convince you Malsky is fun to hang with, I don’t know what will.)

them. spoke with Malsky about finding faith in drag, discovering a new spiritual home, and wanting to hear something quite specific from God during uncertain cultural times.

What was your church-going experience like post-coming out?

I definitely had trouble finding places since I was traveling a lot. Before I moved to New York City, I was in D.C. and in Florida. Those ten years were tough since I never found a home in a church. None were very open nor did any have LGBTQ+ groups. In fact, one Florida parish approached me to be in the Knights of Columbus, and I had to say, ‘no, thank you.’ Being around older men might be sort of a dream now, but it was very odd then. I definitely got an eye-opening experience of what the Catholic Church is like around the country.

Tell me a bit about the progressive parish you attend and volunteer with now.

The church is St. Francis de Sales, and it was the first one I went to when I moved into New York City’s Upper East Side neighborhood. I was overwhelmed by the amount of openness and diversity; it was just all around. I thought this is the kind of parish I want to belong to. I heard they were trying to start an LGBTQ+ group, and so I went to a meeting. By the next month, I was in charge of the group and have been ever since! We meet every month to have food and fun and to catch up on everyone’s life. Some of our big events include sponsoring a Mardi Gras comedy night on the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday where we raise a bunch of money for Catholic relief services. Around the holidays, we have a fundraiser for the Ali Forney Center, which helps LGBTQ+ homeless teens. And we usually march in the Pride Parade with other LGBTQ+ Catholic groups. I just want to spread the word that we’re a place you can exist in your faith and enjoy your values.

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You’ve received some negativity online because of your association with the group and your own personal vocation as a drag artist. How do you deal with the disapproval?

For me to get attacked for living my life to its truest purpose is a badge of honor. I remember my priest giving a sermon once, and it was about the Bible passage where Jesus is telling St. Peter to come out of the boat and to trust him. And, of course, Peter keeps doubting. But my priest argued that we all need to live our lives outside of the boat; that we can’t stay in the boat just because it’s comfortable. We have to follow Jesus where it’s not safe, where it feels like no one is going to get us--that’s where we need to be because that’s where the church is. So go ahead and attack me--you sound like all of the wrong people in the Bible.

How would you describe your relationship to the Catholic Church, and what has that evolution of thought looked like?

I’m a bit conflicted, because the Church is a big, worldwide institution that’s been around for a long time, and there are a lot of people who are given free will to make mistakes and actually make them. There are so many things that are happening with Pope Francis that are great and wonderful. Him saying “who am I to judge,” was a huge moment and him also saying he’d listen to members of LGBTQ+ families was heartwarming. I’m so filled with hope in those instances. But then there’s the sexual abuse scandal, and you hear Church hierarchy making super anti-trans remarks--those all make me question what I’m doing. But I have to remember that things will grow and that hopefully, we’ll each come out on the other side with a sense of purpose, hope, and love.

So what’s the moment you look back on to remind yourself why you’ve chosen Catholicism?

I remember the first Sunday after the 2016 election thinking, ‘I don’t want to go to church; I don’t want to go out. Right now I have doubt about everything in the world.’ But for whatever reason, I decided to go. It was the first moment I cried so hard because it was an acknowledgement that something bad happened. But my priest’s homily made me realize that there’s hope in the world; that we can continue to be believers. Right now, we are living through a terrible trying time as LGBTQ+ people, as Catholics, as people of faith who don’t believe that Donald Trump is a person of faith. But there’s a sense of community right now; we’re all feeling this. We’re going to get through this, and it’s going to be fine.

Do you find spirituality in drag comedy?

Yes, 1000 percent! I don’t think I would be able to do it if I didn’t believe that it was what God wanted me to do. In every performance as a comedian, especially if it’s a big one, I say a little prayer to myself: “Give me the strength to get through this; let me say the words I need to say to connect to [the audience].” Comedy, specifically, and drag are about connecting to people. That’s what we’re put on this earth to do, and I really find God in those moments.

Do you find greater joy in your sexuality or spirituality?

I think all of that joy is the same; it’s all interconnected. Being a drag performer, that’s me being as godly as I can, because I’m being true to myself. Leading the LGBTQ+ group is an extension of godliness. I also sing in the choir at church, and so for to me, it’s all part of one beautiful experience. If I’m pushing myself to be as true as I want to be, then I’m doing what God wants me to do in this world. That’s joyful to me.

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If God were to speak to you at this very moment, what would He say?

Keep moving. Because it’s so hard trying to do all of the things you want to do: being gay in a straight world; being a spiritual person in a secular world. It’s very, very tough, and you just have to find new inspiration to live your truth.

Interview has been condensed and edited.

Xorje Olivares is the queer Latino host of "Affirmative Reaction" on SiriusXM's progressive channel. His writing has appeared on VICE, Playboy, Rolling Stone, and Vox, among other outlets. His original content can be found at HeyXorje.com.

them, a next-generation community platform, chronicles and celebrates the stories, people and voices that are emerging and inspiring all of us, ranging in topics from pop culture and style to politics and news, all through the lens of today’s LGBTQ community.