I hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now I want to provide a safe place for hurting men to connect with other survivors of sexual abuse. Talk to us. You don't have to use your real name to share your experiences or ask questions.

In the fall of 2011, I participated in a two-day conference for male survivors of sexual assault. At a plenary session, one man spoke of his abuse and that it had once made him afraid to allow anyone to get close. He said God had healed him. “Now I’m totally free.”

As I listened, this thought raced through my brain: He’s still not going to let people get close. Then I thought I was being judgmental and silently chastised myself.

A few weeks later, Tom Scales and I had coffee together. He had also spoken during the conference. Without my bringing up the topic, Tom referred to that man. “He shouldn’t have been up there speaking,” he said. “He’s not healed enough himself.”

How did both of us—independently—come to that same conclusion? I can’t give you reasons or a concrete analysis, yet both of us sensed he spoke more about his hopes than his reality.

That’s the positive side. The negative side is that the man was still in denial. He has issues he must yet face if he truly wants to be healed and free.

7 comments:

Mark, is suspect that is true. However my goal in recovery is to face the pain and wounds, walk through them with God's help and let him remove the 'teeth' from them. I will never forget but the memories and experiences will not longer cause the pain and anguish that they have in the past. That is my hope and so far I believe the more I deal with them the easier it becomes.

I have had much healing & times when I feel free! Then sometimes not so much - new layers to deal with. This last year has been challenging. I have been coming to grips with things about myself that I ignored before. It has been a long road but I do know God is with me on it. I guess this is reality that it is a journey of sorts to healing. There are days I just don't want to go down that road. Why is it such a battle? Is it a lack of faith? A lack of trust? Is it just something we need to do?

Larry I knew what you mean. It happens ever so often that I will encounter something that triggers another memory, exposes a thought or behavior I have taken for granted so long I don't even think about it anymore. Then boom I am deep in the struggle to deal with this next layer of the onion. In fact I posted something on a recent post anonymously because I was too embarrassed to put my name on it in a public blog but it really disturbed me.

It's appropriate that this April Kregel released a book that I and two other male survivors wrote, Naming Our Abuse: God's Pathways to Healing for Male Sexual Abuse Survivors. The thesis is that we cannot heal what we will not name.

Using the metaphor of a car accident, we talk about our journey in four phases: The Wreck, Accident Report, Rehabilitation, and Driving Again. We encourage men to use such writing as Reflective Therapy. This illustrates that healing is a process to be nurtured, not an event to be logged.

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A Note from Cec

I started Men Shattering the Silence as a safe place for hurting and healing men. The blog is to offer insight and encouragement for sharing our lives with each other. This isn’t a chat room or a typical sharing group. Please don’t send personal messages to other blog readers. I want the entries to be of a general nature and focus on healing and growth.

If any of you want to talk to me personally, you may email me at cec.murp@comcast.net. If you want to make direct contact with someone on the blog who gives his name, I’ll send your request to that person and leave it up to him whether to respond.

Thank you for reading this blog. I’ve been on the healing path a long time. I’m still learning and growing when I read your comments.

Have a story to share?

Send it to cec.murp@comcast.net. You don't have to use your name.

About Me

I'm a survivor of sexual abuse. As a child, I kept quiet; as an adult, I "forgot." When I felt safe, I faced my abuse and talked about it. The more open I am in sharing my pain and recovery, the more healed I become.