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June 18, 2007

Home Again

The Gi doc decided to do a different procedure on Saturday - an MRI type thing that checks for stones.

It came back negative so no ERCP. And I was quickly - with no doctor consultation or explanation, dismissed from the hospital.

I have always been so proud of my hospital and doctors because they have never considered my Parial Dysautonomia as mental or drug seeking or anything negative that many others with my illness seem to expereince.

Well, this time was different.

Though I did my best to explain my situation to all three doctors I saw, and every nurse, somehow, I was not heard.

Strange and hurtful responses by doctors, nurses and botched tests filled my last days at the hospital.

This is probably the deepest hurt and disappointment I've felt in a long time... but the two strings holding me up right now are my family - who love me and keep my mind off it and second is my hope in God.

As I was driving home, I was thinking to myself that I have never felt so squashed and defeated and hopeless... but as I thought the word hopeless, my eyes caught the sun, breaking through the clouds, forming the most beautiful sunlight streaming down, and I remember that my hope is not in people (doctors and hospitals) but in God. It was like He was hearing my thoughts and reaching down to remind me of the truth.

"Set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is reavealed"I Peter 1:13b

So I'm lifting my broken heart up to Him... stressing my ANS by crying... and very slowly processing all that was said to me and assumed about me without really knowing me, my diagnosis, or the reasoning behind my treatments.

My physical pain is better for the most part. It is beleived that the stone I had in the bile duct passed, and hopefully there will not be another one any time soon!

I'm praying today is refreshing and renewing. It's a beauty! See if you can sit out on the porch and bask in the sunshine.

I'm sorry that the folks at the hospital were not understanding and didn't acknowledge where you are at. That is more than disappointing. I trust your personal physician isn't part of that club. There's so much that the medical community doesn't really know. Some things are still a bit of a mystery.

It's been a bit of a long road, hasn't it. I trust you can sit down for awhile, rest at Jesus' feet, and be renewed.

Did you listen to "The House at Pooh Corner"? (wink). So nice to hear from you... I need to catch up on emails don't I?

Thanks for checking in on me. I'm doing much better - in fact, I'm going post an update, but some of the mistreatment is being adressed in appropriate ways. And my pain is much better at the moment - so hopefully I can avoid another stone!

I miss seeing you! It IS a beautiful day. You should my roses - in full bloom!

I may sit outside for a bit today. I had a very nice outing yesterday with Ellen! We went to Kohl's and I found some jeans that are very "young" looking LOL - but don't press on the painful spot in my stomach! And then we sat in the off and on sun with Starbucks Frappuccino's.... so theraputic! What a wonderful young woman my daughter has turned into... I'm sure you feel like that with yours too!