Ahnnilator's Guide to the Care & Feeding of a Zomutt

The zomutt. The one creature in Neopia that's cutely disgusting, and vice versa.
It's also one of the most misunderstood petpets. For one thing, they do not smell
of rotting cheese. They smell of rotting meat. It is also not true that zomutts
get along only with other zomutts. They get along quite nicely with tombstones
as well. See how misunderstood they are? So, in order to make Neopians aware of
how to treat their lovely undead companions properly, I wrote this guide. Also,
if you don't like this article, please don't feed your zomutt it--they're paper intolerant!

Where to buy a zomutt

Before you can care for your zomutt, you have to buy one. You can't just feed
a petpet that's not there. See? It is a good idea to buy one first. There are
several places to buy a zomutt, but you can probably just go to the Haunted
Woods, dig up some graves, and eventually you'll find one for free. However,
it's not a good idea to steal a zomutt from a ghost--ghosts like revenge, and
you'll get some from stealing their only friend in the afterlife.

Food & Water

Now that you have your zomutt, concentrate on his or her needs before you give
them as many wind up zytches as you please.

Zomutts love to eat more than they love patrolling cemeteries. Their favorite
foods are cut up twigs, anything that smells remotely like Balthazar, chokatos,
chocolate, chocolate chokatos, and snot. They don't like rubber bands, and are
indifferent to everything else.

As for water, well, they prefer orange juice, but if you can only afford water,
then whatever floats your boat.

Toys and other Fun Things

Okay, so now that you can feed your zomutt and give water to it, you can concentrate
on something else. A toy for it. Maybe two or twenty. All up to you.

The truth is, zomutts will play with any toy you give them, so it doesn't matter.
However, I found out that throwing a bone from last night's steak dinner and
playing fetch with it will make your zomutt incredibly happy. Add points if
it smells like it's been rotting.

A Bed for your Zomutt

Now, after all that eating, running around, and graveyard patrolling, your
zomutt would probably like a little nap. But alas! There are no beds in your
house! So what are you going to do? Give him a bed, of course! Anything will
do for a bed, even if it's your laundry basket that hasn't been washed yet.
But, if you're feeling too lazy to go find your laundry (and hopefully do it),
you can always combine one hard material and a bunch of soft material. Like,
steel and cheese. Wood and an emergency blanket. Stone and mashed potatoes.
Almost anything will do.

Zomutts and the Park

Ah yes, the park. On an average day, there are dozens of petpets and their
owners taking a stroll around the park, giving their pets exercise and to have
them socialize. And why not? The air is clean there, there are trees and flowers
and birds and quite possibly a pond or two. It's so full of life. And that's
why you shouldn't take your zomutt there. If you feel your zomutt needs exercise
and socialization, place him in a hole with a spardel. If they're not trying
to escape, they're socializing while trying to escape! Isn't it a great
thing when others work together? I think it is.

Zomutt Hygiene

Hygiene and zomutts prefer to stay out of the same sentence. Why? For one thing,
no matter how hard they try, they just can't stop smelling. (Sorry, Uni owners,
a zomutt's probably not right for you.) And another, they always look dirty.
With those two factors in mind, would you take a bath?

Uh oh. Your zomutt isn't feeling well. What in the world are you going to do?
The first thing is to make sure his fever wasn't caused by chili peppers. The
second thing is to head straight to the vet. This "not-so-feeling well" could
turn into an unstoppable plague for all you know! If your vet doesn't know what's
wrong, but still says it's sick, maybe a fresh out-of-the-oven cookie got him
hot enough for a feverish temperature.

Zomutt Questions and Answers

Well, now that you pretty much know how to care for your creature, here are
some common questions about zomutts and their answers.

Q: My zomutt is blue and its eyes are bulging out of its head! What's wrong
here?

A: Your "zomutt" is really a spardel. Either that, or you're in some serious
denial about the petpet lab ray.

Q: My zomutt refuses to eat ______! What should I do?

A: Um... not feed it to him, maybe? I don't really know, some zomutts are pickier
than others.

Q: Any good zomutt colors?

A: But if you painted your zomutt he'd look more alive! Don't want that now,
do we?

Q: I'm going on vacation. What should I carry my zomutt in?

A: The hamper/bed is good, but why would you want to smell like old clothes
during vacation? More importantly, can't you just hire a petpetsitter?

***

So, in conclusion, you now know how & where to buy a zomutt, what to feed it,
what it should drink, what you can do with it for fun, a bed for it, how to
clean it, and what to do in case it's sick. However, no amount of guides or
research can tell you how important it is to love your zomutt more than anything
else in the world.

Okay, now that I've gotten that cheesy ending over with, here's the real ending:
Your zomutt will require a lot of care, but it's worth it. Except for bringing
dirty laundry with you on vacation. That's just kinda weird.

Shining in the NightSerenity arrived at Neoschool at 9:30, thirty
minutes past the bell. She stuffed her things in her locker and dashed for class.
When she appeared in the doorway, Ms. Nerah frowned...