Friday, January 30, 2009

Thank you Uncle Sam

After several hours this morning chained to my desk and computer I have finished my taxes, among other things. After printing off my bank statement for January, I have decided that I have made entirely too many trips to sonic. rats. Time to kick start the real resolution... getting out of this hole. Working on the budget for February, I have further decided that we need to make some changes around here for the coming year. No dish network... no internet? hmmm. do we really NEED to have a phone?? How bout that life insurance?

Moving on... It's cold down here. That white stuff has actually hung around a couple of days. Not on the road, mind you. Just on the top step of the deck so that the dogs don't want to risk going out into the yard. I am having the worst trouble potty training the baby this time. I have never had this much trouble. The frustrating part is that I know that is due to my own lack of diligence. crap. literally.

And... I've been messing around on this facebook thingy and have discovered a very nasty side to it. What if you don't WANT to be friends with someone? What if they are (gasp:) related to you? What if my playful banter is nunya? As in nunya business. Not anything bad, mind you. I am really not so stupid as to write something and post it on the internet that would come back to bite me. I mean, not REALLY... But, I have this thing that I do. It is a balancing act... kinda like the guy at the circus with all the plates spinning on big sticks. I have my "family world", where I have my place. my persona. my don't-be-mad-at-me-and-I-won't-be-mad-at-you. Then there is my "friend world". That is where I get to be me. I don't have to worry about whether I am accepted or whether I am ticking off someone who has the incredible ability to know just where to stick it to me. There is exactly ONE person who gets to be in both, with the exception of the ones who live with me. She knows who she is. (hi, Diane:)

I get that this is not a perfect solution, and quite possibly the source of the aforementioned ulcer, however it is the way that it is. I really didn't choose it, it just evolved and I am powerless to change it. It is how I keep peace. It is how I stay sane. It is how I get to keep the people in both worlds. I am not prepared to pick sides at this late stage in the game. It doesn't mean the people in one world are more or less important to me than the ones in the other. It just is.

So no, my sweet baby brother. I love you. I am here for you. But you cannot be my "friend"...