A Glimpse In To The Recce Major Psyche

Let's get one thing straight; I love running! I love how I feel before, during and after. I love buying running things. I love that slight feeling of superiority when talking to a non-runner and saying "Yes, yes I do run XX miles per week." I love sharing the commradarie with other runners. I mean, what's not to love?

Keeping all of that in mind, I go back and ask myself...why do I not run on a very regular basis? Why do I let my fitness lapse? Why do I find myself with every reason I can't run today? And yes, most of those reasons are pure crap. To answer those questions I think I take you, briefly, through the last 5 years. Those are the years I truly became a runner...or at least somebody who enjoys running.

2009, running a lot: I was deployed to an undisclosed location. Every military person knows that a deployment is a great opportunity to get in shape or enhance a fitness program. No family, no kids, no cars to the shop, no grocery shopping. None of those "life" things getting in the way. All that takes up time is 12 hour shifts, 6 days per week (usually), sleep, and the few remaining hours per day to do a lot of nothing. So why not get in shape? Well, that's exactly what I did. I signed up for the USAF Half Marathon Deployed, training for 6 weeks and hit a sub 2-hour run by a whopping 29 seconds. But the focus...the goal...the achievement of said goal...that kept me motivated.

2010, running a lot: I was still deployed for a little of it and was in a routine that I enjoyed. Running was easy. Well, finding time for running was easy. Fast forward to the end of my deployment. I get back home to England and life was...well, less than satisfying. Suffice it to say that after almost 9 months of routine, extreme job satisfaction, and focusing on my work and self; it was difficult to meld back in to my family. We call in reconstitution time in the military. Let me tell you, it was difficult. To add to it, my wife and I had been having some troubles for several years. Being gone that long taught me that I missed my children but could easily live on my own and not miss the wife so much.

When I returned home I found it very easy to run. In fact, it was a great way to get away from the wife. The kids were in HS and spending most of their time away from the house anyway. So I'd take advantage of time and disappear for 1-3 hours. The run cleared my mind. It kept me mentally and spiritually sound. And most important, it got me away from the one I now refer to as "the ex-hole".

2011, forcing myself to run: I've now moved back to the states and, in fact, am going through a divorce. After being married since I was in HS, almost 21 years, well, I sort of went bat**** crazy. I substituted running for a beer or two after work. Run? Why run on Sunday? There's a party Saturday Night and I'll likely be hungover anyway. Run? Well, all of the hot runner chicks are taken, so why bother? Besides, I'm not very good at the dating scene, So I'll just drink a beer and eat a whole pizza and surf the net. Suffice it to say that my running suffered. Then it happened...I met my current bride.

Mid 2011-Now, not really running: I met a girl. I become extremely smitten. I fell in love. I absolutely did not want to be away from her. Going for a run was lost opportunity to hold her hand, watch T.V. with her, lose precious time being with her. As much as I love to run, I hate being away from my beautiful bride even more.

During this time I had three surgeries in a five month period. One was knee related and the other two were on my elbow. Sidebar here; tripping going up the stairs and landing on repaired elbow on the day you get elbow surgery can actually lead to destroying everything in said elbow that the doctor just repaired. In fact, you can actually cause even more damage. Who knew? Anyway, with all of the additional healing time it became very easy to just not run.

Also, during this time I deployed again as well. Okay, time to get fitness on track. It became very difficult to do so this time around. I was in a position that required me to work 16 or so hours per day. Oh, and that day off? Well, it didn't come every week as I was accustomed to. More responsibility led to less Recce Major time. Of course, this was an excuse I used.

All during this time of no running I still called myself a runner. I felt guilty for not running. I gained 30 pounds and felt like I wasn't the hottie my bride wanted to marry. Okay, I wasn't really a hottie, but hey, she liked me. Yes, she still does. My issues are with me alone.

Fast forward to today. I want to run. I need to run. I've been challenged. I have a goal again. I have repurposed myself from within. In the wake of my new found desire I should see weight drop off. I should see self-esteem increase. I should see my clothing budget go down. Well, unless I continue to buy more running gear. I should see everything I loved about running come back in full force. Um, except for one thing; I truly hate time away from my beautiful bride. But that is okay because sometimes she needs some time away from me. I am a handful, ya know?

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