Men can smell me?

During our traditional Christmas dinner, one of my friends said something like, “Why is it as soon as women start seeing someone, even semi-seriously, guys come out of the woodwork?” I nodded excitedly and hurried through chewing so I could say, “I knooow!” I’ve not only thought of this before…I’ve experienced it, as I’m sure so many other people have. It’s like when it rains, it pours. Then, there’s a drought.

Whenever I was in a relationship, it seemed I always received more interest from guys than whenever I’d be single…even if they had no idea if I was in a relationship or not. Why does this happen? Is it because I’m more outgoing when I’m not trying to “pick anyone up”, thus conveying more of my (amazing) personality in a natural, stress-free way? Or, is it a primal instinct where they can pick up the scent of my I’m-unavailable-and-you-can’t-have-me pheromone, which triggers a predator-esque response that throws them into hunting mode? Those wolves…

On the flip side, I think it’s sort of along the lines of some women being attracted to men who are wearing a wedding band. It’s either because they’re not looking for a serious (or moral, in my opinion) relationship or they want what they can’t have — whether it’s a conscious or subconscious want.

Or, maybe someone just automatically looks more attractive to someone when they’re noticeably taken. It’s like wearing a sign that clearly spells out they’re a catch. Problem is, they’ve been caught already.

23 Responses

I’ve experienced the same thing. I’ve also read about this thing called a love cleanse, where you rid yourself of all things love-related – no flirting, dating, kissing, etc. It’s supposed to mend a broken heart. Anyway, women who’ve written about doing a love cleanse say they also get all kinds of attention.

I’m thinking the two are related. That if a woman isn’t focused on how she appears to a guy (not flirting), she’s more confident and that comes across in a very sincere, unassuming way. It doesn’t matter why she’s not flirting (because she’s attached or just simply not interested) – but that flippant, not-interested attitude makes men swarm.

“Why does this happen? Is it because I’m more outgoing when I’m not trying to “pick anyone up”, thus conveying more of my (amazing) personality in a natural, stress-free way?”

Completely agree with your above thought. Reminds me of how I always felt that it was very easy to be myself around friends’ boyfriends – because they were not a dating prospect and the pressure, so to speak, was off.

Many women convey a “I need a boyfriend” vibe when they are single (even if they deny that they need one and that they can do just fine without a man, thank you). I think men are turned off by that vibe and make the sign of the cross to ward off needy women.
Women who are in a relationship tend to be comfortable, happy, and more themselves. Being single sucks, in my opinion. Especially when you see all the other happy couples and wonder “why not me, what’s wrong with me that I don’t have that?” Glad I’m married and no longer playing the field.

My guy friend can always pick out of a crowd the women who are single and the ones who aren’t. I asked him how can he tell and he said “Women who are in a relationships don’t have the desperate look on their face and they are not ‘scoping’ out the crowd like the single ones”

I (and I imagine a lot of other guys) experience this same phenomenon. I’m convinced it just has to do with the confidence one gets when they’re in a relationship from knowing they’re wanted. When I’m seeing someone, I feel better about myself because of the knowledge that someone thinks I’m good enough to be around. That shows when I’m out and about.

I agree with Kevin to a degree. It’s not that when I am in a relationship I am more confident I think it is more I am relaxed when I meet someone of the opposite sex though. While single I’m wondering (for a woman I find attractive) if she might be the right one for me, does she find me attractive, funny, etc.

You’re absolutely right about this one. The minute I started dating someone semi-seriously, two or three other potential suitors appeared. It was even more maddening because they were all quality people never an easy decision to choose. After a while, I stopped choosing immediately and let things unfold for a little bit, so I could make a more informed decision

I think it is a confidence thing, confidence is attractive. When things are going well,and all is great,one is much more confident and approachable, people come to you. Think positive and good things will happen.

Sue, I was all into the idea of this “love clense” thing. Then I read the article and it’s a 30 day no dating, no kissing, no flirting. Well, I’m on day 84 (at least, I’ve really lost count) of the no dating/no kissing thing… (as for the flirting, it’s something that can’t be turned off… nor do I even realize I am doing it. But, it’s of the harmless variety without any intention of kissing/dating.)

Which begs my question: are there really people out there who have a difficult time not-dating and not-kissing people for 30 days? Really? You get that much action (kissing/dating) that you need to make a concious effort to take a 30 day break? I think a true “love clense” needs to be AT LEAST a three month thing if not six.

What I’ve found is the “men from the past” have always come back around for a 2nd chance. Of course, being in a relationship I have no desire, but WHY do they do that? They go out looking some more and realize they let a good one go?! I hope so, teach them a lesson. Either way, there are no “go-backs” for me. Onward and upward!!

I’ve actually read articles about how this happens… People give off different pheremones when they’re having more regular sex. So, if you’re having more regular sex, it makes you more sexually attractive to the opposite sex; as it happens to both men and women. So… sex begets more sex. Kinda like the rich get richer, and the poor go home by themselves.

I still get “double takes” and turned heads, but I ignore them. Since my spouse and I aren’t joined at the hip in public, I see the initial look of interest followed by the secondary startled (uh, oh)look.