Like many couples, my wife and I have discussed the value of flowers as a gift to express love.

Of course, a good arrangement is beautiful, and it’s culturally customary, and if you do some research, you can communicate a lot of great sentiments with the flower selection and color choice.

But they’re expensive, and they die quickly, and also they’re expensive, and then they’re useless and dead.

I’m not biased at all. These are objective facts. (/sarcasm)

My wife’s Facebook post of her gift, with an added sparkly filter.

As we headed toward my retirement ceremony, I thought about what I had seen couples do during their celebrations. Usually the active duty spouse gives the other spouse a floral arrangement or some similar token of thanks for all the support that makes being married while working in the military possible.

I certainly wanted to express my gratitude for all my wife has done and continues to do. People often ask, “Does your wife work?” And it’s like, “Yes, of course she does. She deals with four children every day while I’m sitting in my office or on a jet. She handles the whole household while I go off for months to fly missions somewhere else in the world. On top of maintaining and managing a home, she homeschools the kids – because she wants to, not because I’ve ever asked. I can go to work and focus on my job because I know I don’t have to worry about what the boys are up to, or what’s happening at home.”

For over twenty years of marriage, she has stuck with me through all the ups and downs and sideways corkscrews of life. When everything goes pear-shaped or when we’re flying above the storms, she is there, supporting and encouraging no matter what.

But flowers. They’re just going to wither. They’re going in the trash a week or two later. What’s the point?

At first, Jami and I thought about using something like the platinum-covered rose I bought her. Something that says, “Yes, flowers, but actually one that will last.”

Because, hey, eternal love and “not wasting money” and all that obviously super-romantic thought put into this expression of thanks (more sarcasm, I hope you could tell).

Later, Jami said, “You know, maybe it’s selfish, but I think I want some flowers. Is that wrong?” This is my wife, who is worried that after twenty plus years as a military spouse, it’s not right or perhaps too much for her to get the spotlight and a simple bouquet of roses and carnations.

“Of course I can get you flowers. This is your celebration too.” That’s what I think I said.

“God, I hope they’re not TOO expensive,” or something similar, is what I’m ashamed to admit I thought.

It wasn’t until I was standing in the room with chairs arranged and people filing in for the ceremony that my slow and stupid brain finally clicked into gear and understood.

Yes, flowers wither. Yes, they’re temporary. You can’t buy one and have it last, expressing forever the sentiment when it was given.

But that’s how our love works. It’s not an “I said ‘I love you’ when we got married, dear” kind of thing.

Love is expressed in the day-to-day decisions, the small sacrifices and acts of service, all the little things we so quickly forget which add up to a confidence and certainty that wow, this person really doeslike me.

Plenty of military marriages don’t make it. I’m not judging or assuming anything about them, but I know that my wife kept choosing, day after day, to show her love for me through consistent decisions and deeds that proved her commitment.

That’s all any of us can do to build a real relationship — keep doing the small things, the messy jobs, the hard decisions, the stuff we easily ignore in favor of something flashy or showy.

Love is expressed day by day. At any point, the relationship can wither and die if left unattended, if not nurtured, if not refreshed.

Maybe flowers that wither are exactly the right kind of way to say, “I love you.” Maybe I needed that reminder that saying it once with a big gift isn’t the same as saying it every day with small but meaningful acts of service and devotion.

Yesterday was quite busy, but in a good way–playing music for two services at chapels on base.

In between, we enjoyed a gorgeous afternoon of blue skies, warm sunshine and cool breezes. My little guy wanted to go to the slide park near our place, so I took the opportunity to soak up some rays and enjoy the peaceful rest.

Sitting at the park, enjoying the soft instrumental music they push through the speakers, watching the kids laugh and play, it felt refreshing to simply be still for a moment and absorb what God and nature offered.

It was one of those moments you want to immortalize in some way so you can go back to that place and catch a touch of what you experienced at the time.

I didn’t have my camera, no thanks to a young adult son of mine borrowing the phone to Skype with all his friends.

I did, however, have my Bullet Journal. Yes, I still use that system for my daily planner and long-term schedule as well as for quick records of fond memories and unexpected special moments.

I’m not the greatest artist – I’m good enough that I am content with what I draw for me, but not so good that I can do anything professional with it. Nevertheless, the (fake, manufactured) rocky side of the hill the kids climb on and slide down will forever adorn the January 13th entry of this, my second Bullet Journal.

Yesterday was quite busy, but in a good way–playing music for two services at chapels on base.

In between, we enjoyed a gorgeous afternoon of blue skies, warm sunshine and cool breezes. My little guy wanted to go to the slide park near our place, so I took the opportunity to soak up some rays and enjoy the peaceful rest.

Sitting at the park, enjoying the soft instrumental music they push through the speakers, watching the kids laugh and play, it felt refreshing to simply be still for a moment and absorb what God and nature offered.

It was one of those moments you want to immortalize in some way so you can go back to that place and catch a touch of what you experienced at the time.

I didn’t have my camera, no thanks to a young adult son of mine borrowing the phone to Skype with all his friends.

I did, however, have my Bullet Journal. Yes, I still use that system for my daily planner and long-term schedule as well as for quick records of fond memories and unexpected special moments.

I’m not the greatest artist – I’m good enough that I am content with what I draw for me, but not so good that I can do anything professional with it. Nevertheless, the (fake, manufactured) rocky side of the hill the kids climb on and slide down will forever adorn the January 13th entry of this, my second Bullet Journal.

On frustrating days (or rather, on good enough days with some particularly frustrating moments), this view right outside my door is my mental safe space…

My much-needed reminder that the momentary afflictions and annoyances are passing by like the fading sun and the gentle waves.

Sunset at Toguchi Beach

There’s a psalm that comes to mind–or should–when I start getting distracted by what’s not going the way I want:

“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭27:13-14‬ ‭NASB

I’m preaching to myself here, and watching the last amber hues fade behind the gray clouds at the horizon. Tomorrow will be another day, with its own troubles as well as a few left over from today.

With the trouble, there is always a supply of goodness and grace. It’s up to me to choose what to focus on.

My wife and I keep questioning where all the time went, but it has passed at the same rate as always–one second, one minute, one hour, one day at a time.

We’re celebrating the cute lad flopped over in the hands of someone far younger than I feel today.

My wife chose our daughter’s name–our firstborn, so I got to choose the name of our son. I thought of David and Jonathan in the Old Testament, and though the relationship between father and son involves authority and discipline, my hope has always been that as he grew into an adult, we would develop a close bond that goes beyond mere blood relation.

I’m grateful because I believe we have that. As much as sometimes Jon looks up to me, I am impressed by him–by his concern for others, by his passion for God, by his insights and perception and how those translate into meaningful actions.

For the last few years, Jon has been diving deep into a relationship with God that informs how he reacts and relates to the people around him. The shy guy who barely talked to anyone is now teaching weekly studies on how to share your faith with others.

People approach me and tell me how blessed they are by what Jon does and says–how he shares his faith and his struggles with honesty, how he shows genuine love and interest in those around him, how he carries himself with maturity and responsibility.

There are few things better as a parent than hearing people praise your children… though I can’t claim credit for what God has done in and through Jon.

He’s pretty photogenic, too.

Today, perhaps as a sort of birthday present, Jon got word that he has been accepted into LifeCompass, a 4-month program for young adults that will give him experience performing missionary and humanitarian work in Thailand.

He doesn’t have his whole future mapped out yet, but he’s charting a course that involves impacting the lives of others for the better…

For the last three years, I have tracked my writing using a daily word count log. I find this helps me be honest with myself about what I am doing–or more likely not doing–to achieve the goals I so often claim concerning books and blogs.

2018’s average daily word count was 796. I aim for 1K a day but recognize I may not always make that. Right or wrong (not that anyone can really say), I’m not as disappointed about it as I would have been a couple years ago.

At the start of the year, I thought I might hit Fantasy Book 2 hard and get that near completion. I got several chapters in but found myself slogging through, unmotivated and lacking a clear vision. Even the outlined parts that I know or think are right for the book feel less than thrilling… so I have to go back to the outlining board for that one.

I tried completing 2017’s National Novel Writing Month project, a prequel of sorts starring one of my favorite characters from the fantasy series. I finished a few more scenes but mostly left that unattended, awaiting future revision.

I put forth a few short stories or flash fiction pieces, and some poetry, so I don’t feel like all was lost… but I neglected this blog and major projects for far too long.

Some of my procrastination might be blamed on Dungeons & Dragons. For the better part of the year, I was running a game every other week, trying to craft some interesting story arcs or surprise moments for the friends and family sitting around the table rolling dice. I think I managed to pull off more exciting sessions than train wrecks, so I am proud of that. However, the creative effort involved both satisfies the urge to write and drains me of energy to pour into more writing.

I walked into NaNoWriMo 2018 knowing that I wouldn’t succeed at hitting 50K. I don’t want to keep using retirement from the military and moving our family home as an excuse, but it’s a simple fact that more important things demanded my attention than the blank screen of a manuscript-in-progress.

The few scenes I added to my “someday I’m really going to write this character” gambler prophet were well received by the local writing group, so that gives me hope. It also leaves me wondering if I should work on that while the desire is stirred in me, instead of trying to sort out the “more important” Fantasy Book 2 and all the other parts down the road.

In any event, I am definitely starting to feel the relaxation and liberty of civilian life, and I am looking forward to ways to put my scenic location and extra free time to use in the endeavor of writing.

I’ll continue aiming for 1K minimum each day (I’m already behind!), but I won’t have nearly the same number of reasonable explanations at the end of 2019 if I don’t meet that goal.

Have you set writing goals for this year? I’d love to hear what you have planned. Let me know in a comment so I can cheer you on.

In conjunction with the date of my retirement ceremony and my actual final day of active duty, I had the privilege of leading or organizing worship experiences at the hospitality house near our base called The Harbor. If you’re looking for some meaningful worship songs for contemplation, may I suggest these four:

On the 28th, we had a three-song set of Way Maker (a favorite from the Gospel Service at the base chapel), Build My Life, and Set a Fire. On the 31st, we completed a collaborative worship set, and then I played Do It Again and Build My Life for my own added moment of encouragement and personal worship.

Way Maker is one of those super-simple songs that can pack an emotional punch. It’s a song of reliance on the God who changes us and carves a path through the obstacles in our lives.

Build My Life flows easily from the end of Way Maker (if anyone ever wants to end it) and speaks to the preeminence of Christ and the desire to let my life be shaped by His love and grace.

It’s another one that could go for a while (as I believe the 10 minute video attests).

I liked ending this song about His love by transitioning into an admission that there’s no place I’d rather be, and that I want more of His power at work in me. Hence, Set a Fire…

odd side note – pretty sure I worked with the guitar player during my time in the Air Force. I had no idea they were involved in worship recordings in Monterey. Super cool!

Finally, one of the most popular praise songs today is Do It Again, which is a fantastic reminder that God comes through even if it sometimes looks and feels like nothing is changing. It’s something I needed to hear when still piecing together all the stuff of our family’s transition to civilian life, a new job, a new home, new ministry opportunities, and so on.

My wife takes issue with the “haven’t failed me yet” because He will never leave us nor forsake us, so the “yet” gives an implication that maybe there’s a chance He might.

Me, I just love the song and what it means.

I hope these encourage you as much as they do me.

If you had to choose one or two songs that capture how you want to start the new year, what would they be? Let me know in a comment!

The highlight of my transition to civilian life is the location of our new apartment.

I mean, other than no more military performance reports, surprise schedule changes, last-minute flights, PT tests, uniforms, and so on. (I wanted to include computer-based training or CBTs on the list, but I will still have to do those in my new job. Sad face.)

We’re located at Toguchi Beach – the point on Okinawa where US forces first made landfall during World War II. There’s a sand park with a slide for the kidlets, walking trails to explore, cool rock formations to climb on, and of course the beach itself.

The struggle is real. There’s all this parking lot between us and the ocean!

Our apartment is smaller than what we had for Base Housing, so despite all our downsizing, we still feel like we have more stuff than space… but we’re adjusting to the change.

The apartment has a balcony patio thing even though it’s on the first floor, so we’re looking forward to evening tea with the sunset or a Saturday morning of writing with a cup of coffee.

During my retirement ceremony, I mentioned that one of the things which kept me grounded and sane in the military was the knowledge that nearly every problem I have is temporary. Next week, next month, I probably won’t even remember what was bothering me so much today. It’s a wordy version of the old adage:

This, too, shall pass.

Meanwhile, I drive to work looking at the ocean every day, watching the waves roll in and the clouds streak the sky with gold.

Now I have that every time I look out the window or step out the door.

Even though I shared that thought with my friends and family last week, and even though it’s something I learned back in 1999 or 2000, I still have to remind myself of the truth of this outlook.

We still have a lot of changes to sort out. There are some temporary hurdles I know will get solved soon, and some longer-term questions that need answers…

But the waves keep splashing and babbling, and the sun keeps shining through the clouds. It’s a good place to be to start off 2019.

The apple comes from our squadron’s history flying COMBAT APPLE missions, and normally is a red apple with 100 in the center, to signify that you’ve flown 100+ flights locally while a part of our unit. I had 753 total flights, most of them from Kadena, so I made my retirement patch a golden apple with 750 to commemorate the milestone.

We joke about the “new year, new me” phrase people hashtag or share, and I suppose there must be some people who actually use that unironically.

For me, it’s more true this year than it probably will ever be!

As of 1 January, I am officially retired from the United States Air Force after 24 years of service!

I posted some time ago about all the chaos and upheaval in my life, and how that would affect my writing and my activity on my site… but I had no idea what a mess of paperwork and bureaucracy I would be wading through to reach this point!

We’re not even done yet, as a family, but we’re close. Over the next few days, we’ll hopefully sort out details like driving legally, closing out our old home, and proving that yes in fact I do have a job that requires me to be on Okinawa.

The next month or so will be full of forms and procedures to get me back into the building I just left last week, along with finalizing all the details of military pay and housing expenses. That said, now that the hectic holidays and (most of) the terrifying transition to civilian life are behind us, I can start posting here and getting back to the writing I so often claim I love.

Over the next few posts, I’ll capture my thoughts about retirement (my coworkers are awesome and took great care of me), and I definitely want to show off the view from our new place at Toguchi Beach on Okinawa.

Though I never have a good answer to that question, I thought at least I could give something personal and special as a thank you for all the encouragement that her persistence has given me.

I drew up the three main characters of my fantasy series–Josephine, the Soulforged holy warrior; Kaalistera, the shadow-bending assassin; and Lyllithe, the outcast Devoted touched by the Void. It’s hastily-drawn and imperfect, but heartfelt.

When I presented her this gift, it led to a discussion with a couple of other co-workers, and my friend praised my book for its well-rounded characters and exciting action.

Of course, my initial reaction was to cringe a bit, shrug my shoulders, and deflect the praise, because I see all the flaws and mistakes where I should have spent more time to put out a better product.

However, it’s always a meaningful and special experience when someone expresses genuine interest in your creative work.

If you know someone who is involved in creative endeavors, you can show them a little love and spark them to put in the work with a simple expression of interest.

“What have you been drawing lately?”

“How’s writing going?”

“What’s your band playing next?”

“Where is my book, sir?”

Then endure their awkward look of embarrassment, nod politely, and let them continue on their way–probably with a smile on their face.