Tuesday Watch List: America Has Talent Out Its Wazoo!

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Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and retire from football, this time for good! Until a month from now, when your ankle magically feels better. LET’S GO!

AMERICA’S GOT TALENT – 9:00PM (NBC) Tonight, the 4th group of 12 acts from the Top 48 perform. Good gosh almighty Joe Friday, the Top 48?! Hasn’t this show been on all summer? How big was their original talent pool? America doesn’t have THAT much talent, I assure you. Anyway once Group 4(D) of Subset XII, Division Alpha finishes juggling and tap dancing tonight, perhaps they can finally whittle this field down to something smaller than the expended NCAA men’s basketball tournament. ANTICIPATION: BIG!

LOUIE – 11:00PM (FX) Big news: Louis CK announced that his show got picked up by FX for a second season! Yay! Woohoo! I’d link to Louis’ announcement on Twitter, but it contained foul language and a creative reference to Hitler’s mom. And really, did you expect anything less? ANTICIPATION: NON SEQUITIRIFFIC!

SHAQ VS. – 9:01PM (ABC) Because it’s August and ABC execs are asleep at the switch, we get another season of Shaquille O’Neal challenging people to stuff. Tonight, Shaq races Dale Earnhardt Jr. If there’s a buffet at the end of the track, Shaq will win. ANTICIPATION: BEATING DALE JR. IN A RACE IS SURPRISINGLY EASY!

THE BAD GIRLS CLUB – 9:00PM (Oxygen) I know nothing about this show, except that tonight’s episode involves the girls ganging up on a snotty housewife and that it’s titled, “Welcome to Miami Beyotch.” That’s just the kind of self-affirming, feminist message I would expect from an all-woman network. ANTICIPATION: NEW LOWS!

RACHEL ZOE PROJECT – 10:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) It’s the season premiere of this Bravo show about Rachel Zoe, who presumably does things for a living. What I find odd is that her last name is pronounced “Zoh,” instead of the usual “Zoh-ee”. I don’t know if I approve of that. ANTICIPATION: FABULOUSNESS!