QUOTE: Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honorable, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. –Philippians 4. 8.

This is a hard thing to do, isn’t it? My characters struggle. They wonder if God is good. They wonder if people can be good. They often turn away from God (or try to forget about Him completely) like the first garden inhabitants who hid in shame with a new awareness of good and evil.

Even the best humans have dark hearts (some would take issue with the word BEST ). Anne Lamont once wrote how easy it was for her to slip from elevated thoughts of God down to heated arguments with her son over trivial matters.

Despite this I find real and imagined humans lovable. I wonder if I’d love them more without their hang ups and flaws. It’s a silly thought since perfection is impossible in this life. How is love so powerful even when we only do it fair to middling? The tiniest drop of it ignites huge cravings even in the steeliest of people (though some of us tend to seek love out in troubling and destructive ways).

There are a few characters of mine who seem to have fallen completely under dark spells, but in those dark places lie hidden hurts and desperate attempts at numbing those longings that have so often met with abuse and neglect.

I’m not so naive to think the world can change with a song and a Coke. Some people choose a path of darkness and willfully blind themselves to everything else, but most people just struggle. Those people are the ones I like to write about.

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Adrienne, I agree with you that “most people just struggle.” It’s in that vulnerable wound that people make wise or foolish decisions because those who are rigid see only themselves as the single possibility. I believe that all creativity stems from the ache of not knowing but the courage to explore. Because we are human, we make as many errors as decent decisions. I’ve never read the lovely passage from Philippians but it reminds me of Ecclesiastes: To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. There are two sides and there are choices, sometimes the best is not obvious or easy. I think we fail most when we refuse to consider choices or only consider our own, never considering someone else’s point of view. And of course, we all fall, we all fail at times. Interesting possibilities for a writer.

I think you’re so right about rigidity (which comes from fear). I instantly thought of my character Fred. He certainly can’t see past himself even when he believes he’s helping others.

Ecclesiastes and Paul’s letter to the Philippians are probably my favorite writerly parts of Scripture. Paul was not only a devout and scholarly Jew, but also an amazing writer. Philippians is so worth reading no matter your religion for his elevating words. His life story is pretty amazing as well.

I feel that my spiritual life is like playing whack a mole. No matter how hard I try to become more loving and kind, more ugly monsters pop out faster than I can conquer them, no matter how hard I pray or look inside and work to get free of my swamp creatures. Sometimes I am so tired of the struggle. The trouble with loving is that it makes us so vulnerable to both our own pain and that of others. And then it finally just gets to be too much and anger and vengeance and even hate are easier to bear.
Sometimes, I really really haven’t got a clue what to do. I’d like to go in a cave and hibernate until Jesus comes. At least then I wouldn’t be a hazard to others’ well being. But I’m not sure I could stand being the only available target for all this garbage.

This was my post on my face book where there are only friends or family yesterday. The feelings are passing, as feeling do, but your post resonated in many ways with ways I am struggling lately.

Thank you so much for sharing your feelings! Yep, you’re not alone. I think one of the main themes of my books and why I keep writing them them despite not being a best-selling author (yet!) is I feel the need to tell people that despite being swamp people we have value and are loved.

It’s nice to know that even when we don’t follow Paul’s advice that God still loves us. I need to remind myself of this quite often since I can be a selfish jerk sometimes 🙂

A few of my readers have expressed frustration with my characters since just when you think they’re going to do the noble thing they screw up and behave badly. To me, that’s just real life.

I imagine you’d be greatly missed if you moved to a cave–and what about indoor plumbing?

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Adrienne Morris is author of the novel The House on Tenafly Road (selected as an Editors' Choice Book by The Historical Novel Society and a Notable Indie Book of the Year) and The Tenafly Road Series, the continuing historical saga of the Weldon and Crenshaw families of Gilded Age Englewood, New Jersey.
“I write literary sagas because I love people. I love their flaws. I love their dreams and deceptions. Historical fiction allows me to reckon with thoughts and feelings I’d rather not address in the here and now. There’s a certain safety and freedom in placing personal revelations one hundred years behind you.”
Musty old libraries, abandoned houses and corsets bring to life the many characters crowding Adrienne’s imagination, but it’s the discovery that people, no matter the century they live in, share the same struggles, hopes and desires (the greatest desire being love) that keeps her up at night writing.
Adrienne lives on a small upstate New York farm with her human and animal family.

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