The Blemishhttp://theblemish.com
Better than a slap to the faceSun, 02 Aug 2015 11:08:32 +0000en-UShourly1http://wordpress.org/?v=4.2.3When Lena Dunham Attacks: The Bikini Editionhttp://theblemish.com/2015/08/when-lena-dunham-attacks-the-bikini-edition/
http://theblemish.com/2015/08/when-lena-dunham-attacks-the-bikini-edition/#commentsSun, 02 Aug 2015 11:08:32 +0000http://theblemish.com/?p=197163Lena Dunham, sex symbol. You know what makes someone hot? It’s not toned, fit bodies. It’s confidence. Confidence to know that you’re the shit. Confidence to wear a bikini when the less confident would cover up every part of their body and not let their stomachs ooze over the helpless fabric of a bikini bottom. Props to Dunham for maintaining such confidence even though dumb people crack sarcastic jokes and body shame them. If these pics don’t make it to her 2016 swimsuit calendar, there’s no justice in this world.

]]>http://theblemish.com/2015/08/when-lena-dunham-attacks-the-bikini-edition/feed/01000 Musicians Convince Foo Fighters to Play Italyhttp://theblemish.com/2015/08/1000-musicians-convince-foo-fighters-to-play-italy/
http://theblemish.com/2015/08/1000-musicians-convince-foo-fighters-to-play-italy/#commentsSat, 01 Aug 2015 10:20:33 +0000http://theblemish.com/?p=197160This must be some kind of Guinness World Record. In Cesena, Italy, a thousand local musicians took part in a monumental cover of the Foo Fighters’ classic, “Learning to Fly”. Classic meaning lots of people know this song. Classic not meaning really great song that I’d like to hear over and over.

The effort was an attempt to convince the band to play the smaller Italian city. Did it work? Perhaps. The Foos tweeted out a couple of tweets in Italian.

]]>http://theblemish.com/2015/08/web-finds-8-1-15/feed/0Zimbabwe Requests the Extradition of Dr. McJerkFaceLionPoacherhttp://theblemish.com/2015/07/zimbabwe-requests-extradition-dr-mcjerkfacelionpoacher/
http://theblemish.com/2015/07/zimbabwe-requests-extradition-dr-mcjerkfacelionpoacher/#commentsSat, 01 Aug 2015 00:14:13 +0000http://theblemish.com/?p=197143Well, Dr. McJerkFaceLionPoacher has gone into hiding as the Zimbabwean government requests his extradition. Dr. Walter James Palmer has been MIA since the world has been made know of his questionable hunting practices killing and allegedly poaching beloved lion, Cecil.

So far, the dentist has just been dealing with public outcry and bullying for his, what he claims, legal but regretful kill. However, now the Zimbabwean government has made a plea, “We are appealing to the responsible authorities for his extradition to Zimbabwe so that he can be held accountable for his illegal action.” His guides for the big game hunting trip have already been arrested for illegal poaching.

Unfortunately, Palmer is a rich white dude and when you have that trifecta of qualities you can get away with, well in this case, murder. He has already been missing since protesters stormed his dental office earlier this week. Investigators have checked his home, office, and tried other methods of contact to no avail. The only contact seeming to come from him is an email to patients sent Tuesday, claiming he’ll cooperate with authorities if they decide he should be extradited, but, you know, that’s like not gonna happen because all my paperwork was in order and, like, I’m totally a good guy. Clearly he’s totally on the way to Zimbabwe now, but, like, has to make a few lifelong, identity changing stops, so he totally doesn’t get arrested… or killed by protesters.

As far as what will happen if he does find himself in Zimbabwe? Well, PETA was like to see him hanged because PETA is PETA. I more justly agree with Internet users who think he should be surprisingly lured out of safety, maimed with a crossbow, left to his own devices for about 40 hours, and then we can try him legally. I wonder if he feels like he is being hunted now; they say the biggest game is hunting other humans… Fair is fair.

]]>http://theblemish.com/2015/07/zimbabwe-requests-extradition-dr-mcjerkfacelionpoacher/feed/0Exciting Trailer Time: ‘Black Mass’!http://theblemish.com/2015/07/exciting-trailer-time-black-mass/
http://theblemish.com/2015/07/exciting-trailer-time-black-mass/#commentsFri, 31 Jul 2015 22:42:38 +0000http://theblemish.com/?p=197148The new Johnny Depp movie, Black Mass, released its first trailer yesterday and the film sounds like it’ll be amazing. Wait, Johnny Depp isn’t really a trusted definition for good movie, thanks Pirates of the Caribbean 32. Let me name some other of the film’s contributors that may have a better appeal. The movie also stars Benedict Cumberbatch as brother to Johnny Depp’s Whitey Bulger character, Kevin Bacon, Corey Stoll, Juno Temple, Dakota Johnson (wait, she was in Fifty Shades of Grey, strike that), Joel Edgerton, and Adam Scott (who will always and forever be Ben Wyatt in my heart.)

The plot is based on the true story of Irish gangster and brother of a state senator, Whitey Bulger, who is known as the most infamous violent criminal in the history of South Boston. The movie follows his collaboration as a FBI informant to take down Boston’s Italian Mafia family invading his turf. The deal between the unlikely reunion of two childhood friends, one leading the FBI in Boston and the other the head of the Irish Mob, lead to murders, drug dealing, racketeering, and Bulger making the FBI’s Top Ten Most Wanted List. I mean, who doesn’t love an action-drama based on a true story?! Ugh, Catch Me If You Can,you hold a special, wonderful place in my heart… probably near Adam Scott and Ben Wyatt being the same person.

Now, the trailer itself was really doesn’t bring me to feeling I need to see this movie immediately. It wasn’t until I read up on the story that I decided I’d drop the ~$10 movie theatre price to go see this when it comes out. The trailer seems to try to make jokes happen BECAUSE ALL TRAILERS NEED JOKES!! It feels a bit like the editor pieced together jokes that just fall flat, “What’s he done?” dramatic pause for hilarity “everything.” …Okay, I guess. There’s also some slow clapping that I think they anticipated to be much funnier than I found it to be. Whatever, I’m just expecting the editors and producers to pull their shit together and have Catch Me If You Can true-story movie status by the second trailer. Work on it.

]]>http://theblemish.com/2015/07/exciting-trailer-time-black-mass/feed/0Indian Cover of Nicki Minaj’s ‘Anaconda’ Outs Unilever for Poisoning Their Cityhttp://theblemish.com/2015/07/indian-nicki-minaj-cover-outs-unilever-dumping-mercury/
http://theblemish.com/2015/07/indian-nicki-minaj-cover-outs-unilever-dumping-mercury/#commentsFri, 31 Jul 2015 21:24:15 +0000http://theblemish.com/?p=197142Wanna stay hip to the news and know how large corporations are screwing over humans and the planet with no regard, this time? Watch “Kodaikanal Won’t”, a parody / cover of Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda”. Smart, citizens of Kodaikanal, India. Way to know that the best way to trick people into knowing about the plight of your home is to coat it with well-produced pop culture; that’s thinking.

As the video states in a short forward of text, Kodaikanal has been just completely screwed over by the corporate giant, Unilever, who dumped toxic mercury in Kodaikanal, poisoning its workers and forest. You know, mercury, the stuff that is odorless and non-irritating, but the small amount found in a broken thermometer can cause harm. The company has spent the last 14 years doing nothing about the contamination, including giving no compensation to workers and their families, despite sitting on their high horse of corporate social responsibility.

The video itself parodies Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda”and has so much participation that it seems it had nearly the same budget. This parody tells the story of Kodaikanal’s frustration with the corporate behemoth disregarding the safety and minimal living standards of the town. The mercury was necessary for a thermometer factory Unilever set up in the town and, according to the video, they claimed the factory was safe to the environment and plant workers.

Now, the song is maybe not the catchiest thing ever, but there is a lot of dancing and backflips, so that’s good. If you were thinking, “let’s all avoid their products!”, good freaking luck. Look on the back of pretty much any plastic bottle you own to see their happy little, we love to make money, “U” logo. Feel free to check out their little selection of brands here. Basically, hopefully you live off the grid so you can avoid the company, but since you are probably currently using the Internet, again, good luck.

Since an outright ban would present some difficulty, consider signing the petition at kodaimercury.org. As the song states, “Now that’s some toxic shit.”

]]>http://theblemish.com/2015/07/indian-nicki-minaj-cover-outs-unilever-dumping-mercury/feed/0Chrissy Teigen’s Fried Chicken Ass Dance Teases John Legendhttp://theblemish.com/2015/07/chrissy-teigens-fried-chicken-ass-dance-teases-john-legend/
http://theblemish.com/2015/07/chrissy-teigens-fried-chicken-ass-dance-teases-john-legend/#commentsFri, 31 Jul 2015 10:44:53 +0000http://theblemish.com/?p=197139Chrissy Teigen’s ass dances and teases John Legend. Why? Because she balances a plate of fried chicken on it and like Lucy from Peanuts, wiggles her ass and pulls the plate away from Legend right as he reaches for it. Oh oh Charlie Brown!

A video posted by John Legend (@johnlegend) on Jul 30, 2015 at 4:35pm PDT

]]>http://theblemish.com/2015/07/chrissy-teigens-fried-chicken-ass-dance-teases-john-legend/feed/0Rosie Mac, Daenerys’ Body Double, Goes Topless in Her Bathtubhttp://theblemish.com/2015/07/rosie-mac-daenerys-body-double-goes-topless-in-her-bathtub/
http://theblemish.com/2015/07/rosie-mac-daenerys-body-double-goes-topless-in-her-bathtub/#commentsFri, 31 Jul 2015 09:40:53 +0000http://theblemish.com/?p=197137Britain’s Rosie Mac filled in for Emilia Clarke on Game of Thrones and since then she’s blowing up. She’s somewhere between a body double and stunt double. It’s unclear. What’s clear though is don’t take your eyes off of her. She dances, she models, she wears a ton of bikinis (and looks good doing it). She’ll also never date you. So, in that respect, she’s like every girl you run across.

She Instagrammed a topless pic of her in the bathtub, and showed off a bit of 18-year old sideboob. Her caption: “#BathTime for me after a super long hard day !” I’ll show HER a super long hard, umm…day. Blogging. It’s quite tough actually. Someone send us some brownies. We’re a hungry bunch.

]]>http://theblemish.com/2015/07/rosie-mac-daenerys-body-double-goes-topless-in-her-bathtub/feed/0Gisele Bundchen Burqas Her Face in Shame After Surgery on ‘Deflated Boobs’http://theblemish.com/2015/07/gisele-bundchen-burqas-face-shame-surgery-deflated-boobs/
http://theblemish.com/2015/07/gisele-bundchen-burqas-face-shame-surgery-deflated-boobs/#commentsFri, 31 Jul 2015 08:34:37 +0000http://theblemish.com/?p=197125It has always been a joke to hide yourself in a paper bag to disguise and hide your ugliness. Unexpectedly, Gisele Bundchen has brought to life this platitude.

The retired model was caught using a burqa as a disguise after a secret plastic surgery. Bundchen and her sister were photographed heading back to her hotel, to pick up their belongings, and then to celebrity/rich-person spa Le Sources do Caudalie. Both made the trip donning the Muslim garment, a pretty solid way to blend in, in Paris during the month of Ramadan, you’d think, except the burqa was banned in France in 2010. Bundchen also recently vowed to never undergo plastic surgery on her runway retirement in April.

This whole disregard of law did not fly in the city of Paris and the lovely people of France complained just the way you’d think French people would complain. “C’est ridicule!!!!” exclaimed a poster to the French gossip site, Public. “To be photographed in a burqa is ridiculous!!!! Especially since it is forbidden in France to wear it!!!!” Many, many exclamation marks. I can only guess this commenter was drinking an espresso in a public square, smoking a cigarette with a scowl, wearing a black and white striped shirt, and probably a beret, if not at least a scarf for sure.

As far as that plastic surgery grandstanding, Folha de Sao Paulo newspaper published her April declaration that she had “learned to listen to her body,” adding, “Automatically, my body tells me if what I do is worth it, and it asked to stop. I respect my body; it’s a privilege to be able to stop.” Wow, congrats on that whole 3 month better-than-thou feeling, Gisele.

Sources claim she hid to cover work of her boobs and eyes that cost her an alleged $11,000. The work is said to be a 35th-birthday/post-retirement present to herself, over concern about her sagging breasts after having two children. Apparently, the eye work was just a bonus “if you get both boobs done you get your eyes for free!’ sort of deal. Unfortunately she did not commit fully to the burqa look and was given away by her open toe footwear.

“She would do better to fess up to the plastic surgery because that’s not shameful. I never found her to be beautiful and I definitely don’t like her now,” commented a Public reader I very much agree with. But, when you are the world’s highest-paid model (making $47 million last year – according to Forbes) and you have very adamantly grandstanded that you are better than plastic surgery, but then decide to get plastic surgery, let’s just say I understand the hiding in shame thing.

Let alone the hiding, people are taking religious offense to her actions… because they were religiously offensive. As said by a clerk at Islam Fashion in Astoria, Shazia ­Raheel, “This is a religious garment. It’s not so you can hide when you’re going for a doctor’s appointment.”