its not like I hate pets or dogs or anything but like I think dogs are cute and all but I always see it more as a "friend's dog" where its fun to play with them for a while and then at the end of the day I go home and I give them back to their owners and stuff...

I just don't imagine myself owning any pets... I grew out with out pets and htat's always how i envisioned my life

Anyway I've been having a rough time lately (school/job/family is taking a toll on me)... but the SO (we're not married yet but we are engaged) hasn't really notice and the past few times we've talked on the phone (including the last 45 mins or so) its all about dogs. SO's looking at dog pix on the internet while we are talking on the phone... so every five seconds it would like *laughter* its so cute... aww.. omg omg there's a corgi tshirt that says xxxx or omg omg this is one of the cutest things I've ever seen ***making a reference to some dog picture

MY SO is not really like a people person and I don't know... I just feel really inferior to dogs... Like I can do lots wrong, but a dog can't do anything wrong.. EVER... it poos on your bed "oh it doesn't know any better" but when I pooped on the bed... whoa then I have a problem... (no but seriously I get comments like oh dogs can't betray me but you might one day etc etc...)

AHHHHH i just don't know how to deal... If I give simple replies like oh that's nice or something then "I'm not being understanding enough" or "why is am I being cold"

but if I pretend to be interested then "I am faking it or I am being sarcastic"

there's no way to win with this!

Can dog lovers and non dog lovers date or is it just a doomed relationship until the non dog lover converts.

And the thing is, its not like I am a dog hater either, I am just lukewarm, I've never really wanted a pet and I don't think I ever will. Its the same for me and kids... I don't get what's the big deal? And I think that people are usually more respectful of the kids thing compared with the pets thing why is that?

I've been told that even if I don't want a pet, once we move in together that will be the first thing waiting for me after I get home from work, rather I like it or not.

I am just tired of being painted as such a heartless person. I don't hate dogs, I just don't find them especially endearing... its a very luke warm feeling, like I think they are nice and all but nothing that makes my heart melt or go AWWWWWW and like rub their bellies or something

cat hoarder

I hate to say it but it sounds like you two have more problems than just a cat person vs dog person thing. Like the fact that your SO is a control freakwho doesn't respect your feelings or care about you. Forget about bringing a pet into the relationship--and face it, it's not up to you, as your SO has all ready made perfectly clear he will do as he pleases regardless of what you want---why would you want to be in this relationship?

Window Shopper

I agree with madam. You guys seem to have a couple of other problems besides the like/not like so much about animals. If my DH didn't like dogs I am not sure it would have worked out between us. I love dogs, they make my heart melt. You need to sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel. Either you can work it out, come to a compromise or decide that this isn't something you can deal with. If you think this is hard, imagine telling him you might not want kids either. You need to be upfront with him at the begining so it doesnt come as a surprise later.

Window Shopper

Member

You are engaged to a person who loves dogs...its time to tell him exactly how you feel. What is the dealbreaker for you both? Is having a dog absolutely something you could not put up with, or are you willing to compromise and try to love a dog with him? Is HE willing to compromise, or willing to nix the idea alltogether? You definitely don't want this to be the cause of future fights, and to be honest it really wouldn't be fair to the pup in the middle of this. You guys definitely need to talk about this. Good luck!

#11146

Authenticator

When I was a divorced mother with a young child anyone that dated me was told up front that they got a "package deal." No matter how great a guy was if my daughter didn't like him or if he didn't want "the responsibility" that was the end of the relationship by my choosing. The same was true of my dogs.

Most people have pretty strong opinions about pets as well as children. If you continue this relationship you are not only doing yourself an injustice, but also an injustice to the man you are dating and his dog(s). Dog lovers are dog lovers for life. Marriage (in a perfect world) is for life. Therefore you can't expect this to go away. If you continue this relationship as is and marry this man, you can expect ongoing battles.

You aren't heartless, you just don't care for dogs and that's OK. You just need to find someone that's on the same page as you are because ultimately the animals will suffer and that's not fair to them either.

Ladybug Lucy

True dog lovers (myself included) would never date or marry someone who doesn't like dogs. It sounds like your problem is deeper than this though. Let him know your feelings about everything right now. If he isn't supportive or can see things from your POV move on. He seems to be a very enthusiastic dog lover and needs to know exactly how you feel about it. Out of curiousity does he actually own a dog? Or is he thinking about bringing one home? Usually the anticipation of getting a dog can dominate someones thoughts and pre-occupy them a lot (because there is so much planning involved).

Member

Sorry...I could never be with someone that did not love my pet as much as I do. My dog is just like my baby. Heck he is more spoiled and better treated than half the kids out there. (see my post on how you know your pet is spoiled) and you will see just how spoiled he is.

MemberThread Starter

hmm I see... I have to say when I first entered into this relationship (its been three years now) I was very truthful about who I am. I openly showed me likes and dislikes and what I have a strong opinion about

I have always shown that I am not a pet person and I've never had a pet so when you first started to date someone who doesn't like pets, and you are such a big pet lover yourself, then why don't you leave?

I agree with what everyone is saying that some people see pets as their children/life and you would never abandon them when someone comes along

But I guess I just wish there's some way to work this out. You are right, bought of us are very different. SO-completely career oriented
me-not so much

SO believes that if two people are in love the best relationship is one where they both put work as their top priority and their SO in 2nd place (like a mutual agreement)
and I personally disagrees with people who allows their work to define who they are and dictate their life.

I just think job is a job and you get money from work and you use that money to do things you want like (travel...take art courses and shop for bags =) )

I don't know, I am ok with having a pet run around the house and stuff but I just don't really think I can ever really "love" them and I've tried and am trying but I've given good efforts so why doesn't the SO see that?

I just want this relationship to work... I guess we are two people who are very different but yet we are in love and we've been together for so long

I don't know I'm just at a point in my life where nothing is going right and I'm just tired

Member

NOPE could not be with someone who did not love my pets, especially dogs. I have two chihuahua's and they truly are like my kids. my parents always told me never trust anyone who does not like/love animals.

Ladybug Lucy

hmm I see... I have to say when I first entered into this relationship (its been three years now) I was very truthful about who I am. I openly showed me likes and dislikes and what I have a strong opinion about

I have always shown that I am not a pet person and I've never had a pet so when you first started to date someone who doesn't like pets, and you are such a big pet lover yourself, then why don't you leave?

I agree with what everyone is saying that some people see pets as their children/life and you would never abandon them when someone comes along

But I guess I just wish there's some way to work this out. You are right, bought of us are very different. SO-completely career oriented
me-not so much

SO believes that if two people are in love the best relationship is one where they both put work as their top priority and their SO in 2nd place (like a mutual agreement)and I personally disagrees with people who allows their work to define who they are and dictate their life.

I just think job is a job and you get money from work and you use that money to do things you want like (travel...take art courses and shop for bags =) )

I don't know, I am ok with having a pet run around the house and stuff but I just don't really think I can ever really "love" them and I've tried and am trying but I've given good efforts so why doesn't the SO see that?

I just want this relationship to work... I guess we are two people who are very different but yet we are in love and we've been together for so long

I don't know I'm just at a point in my life where nothing is going right and I'm just tired

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I admire the fact that you truly want things to work out. Talk out everything dogs, career, anything else that could be a dealbreaker. However, you may just end up becoming attached to the pup. Dogs have such unique personalities and a lot of love to give. This is hard to know if you've never owned one. Playing with a friend's dog is great but a true bond isn't there. That's why so many of us regard pets as family. I really hope you can work things out!

Member

Feeling as strongly as you do, I don't see this working long term. Be totally honest now, before you're married. For some people, their lives aren't complete without a dog (or cat). that's unlikely to change. I couldn't live with someone who disliked dogs.

Loves LV & Burberry

I personally could not be with someone who did not love dogs. My DH loves all animals, especially dogs so I lucked out. We have 3 beautiful dogs and I cannot imagine not having them around.

Now, my SIL loves dogs too- her DH tolerated them(so she thought). Before they had my niece and nephew-they had 3 dogs and one cat. once she became pregnant-he made her get rid of all the pets. It was so sad! And it was't b/c of the baby- he said they did not have time to waste on a dog.

She did it, but it made her very sad-thankfully, DH's mom took one of the dogs so SIL can still see her when they visit.

MemberThread Starter

NOPE could not be with someone who did not love my pets, especially dogs. I have two chihuahua's and they truly are like my kids. my parents always told me never trust anyone who does not like/love animals.

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ok good for you then...

I know that everyone in this thread loves animals and I appreciate that, but why is it so hard to accept someone who is just not that into animals? I like them and I would never do anything bad to them.... I don't even wear fur but is that comment neccessary? Just because you don't like animals doesn't mean you are a crimminal or axe murderer