Am I Expecting Too Much?

I’m not the sort of person who lets things slide. If a situation comes up in my life, I try to get the entire picture. I want to know where I stand. Do I need to act immediately or can it wait for a day? What are my options? Am I better off fixing it now or letting it run it’s course?

When I was 15, I ran an 8 mile mini-marathon. I loved it. I played soccer in those days and loved running. I loved the burst of energy that surged through my body. I loved going to the front of the group. I loved being fast. People kept telling me to pace myself and I understood the why, but at that time in my life I had no idea how. Pacing myself meant slowing down. And that would mean no surge of energy.

Action steps. Divide and conquer. Seize the day and take the bull by it’s horns. These are the things I believe in. These statements have defined my life since I was young, so how do I learn to pace myself?

How do I know if I should push harder or rest easy?

There’s not an easy answer to this question. It’s like learning how to drive a car. How do I know if I should pull out aggressively in traffic or be at the back of the line. Some things are obvious. Obey the speed limits. Watch out for pedestrians. Leave plenty of room between cars.

Forcing things to happen can cause more damage in the long run. You can’t rush the blooming of a flower and you can’t force a child’s development. Pushing harder is my default, but there are times when even I realize that it will be better if I wait. Some things are beyond my ability to carry out.

How do I know I’m not just being lazy? Lacking in initiative? I have to ask myself why I’m pushing or why I’m paralyzed. What do I fear the most? I’m afraid of missing an opportunity. I keep alert. Always searching. This makes it difficult to rest and enjoy life. What happens when I let an opportunity slide? Nothing. If I role play a situation, imagine the end result, I can usually make a better judgement call. Would it be terrible if I didn’t take this opportunity?

Where I go wrong.

I think that sometimes I put more emphasis on the events, thinking they are the most important. Maybe the important part is the emotion or pleasure of that experience. And most experiences are interchangeable. If I want a thrill it probably doesn’t matter if I go bungee jumping, drive a race car or ride in a roller coaster. They are all thrills. There are many ways of seizing the day. You can get up early and get to your tasks, not wasting a moment slouching or you can stay in your pajamas and grab every moment to snooze on your couch, resting your tired body. Both are good at the right moment.