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Dogging hotspot ruined by picnicking families

The West Midlands dogging community has hit out against picnicking families, dog walkers and people who generally like to get out for a bit of fresh air, for invading a popular dogging hotspot at the Beacon Hill public park, Wolverhampton.

Until recently the park was a haven for outdoor sex enthusiasts – participants, spectators and amateur film-makers alike – according to local Black Country dogger ‘Mr X’. ‘Beacon Hill used to be such a lovely, secluded spot where you could have sex in the back of a Vauxhall Vectra with someone else’s wife, free from the unwanted attentions of ordinary members of the public.’

However this was all to change when the little-known park featured on a regional television program. ‘Imagine my horror when our private little oasis appeared on Dudley Days Out,’ claims Mr. X. ‘Soon you couldn’t move for walkers, picnickers and dogs. Have you ever tried to screw a complete stranger with an excited spaniel’s cold wet nose up your arse crack? It’s no fun I can tell you!’

Even the onset of autumn and the increasingly dark and dreary evenings, traditionally the optimum time for dogging, hasn’t put off these unwelcome intruders. ‘Who the hell has a picnic in October? Yet still they come; snotty nosed kids and dull parents with egg and cress sandwiches and bottles of Vimto; all going around minding their own business while you frantically try to put your trousers back on – it’s not right is it?’

To combat these unwelcome visitors, Mr. X is organising a ‘stop raising the tone’ campaign to keep decent, law-abiding citizens away from the park. ‘We need to band together to protect our rights, so I’m asking every dogger, pervert and open-air fetishist to come forward and sign my petition. Once I have enough signatures I will present it to the Lady Mayor, whom I am on intimate terms with. At least I think it’s her – it’s difficult to tell in the interior light of a Range Rover.’