Not everyone has the power to change the world — it is a rare ability indeed. I am proud to say that I know one man who is capable and willing to forge ahead through treacherous, virgin soil.

Recently, Mosef — our man on the inside — tasted an exhaustive range of bacon-flavoured crisps, gaining an intimate knowledge of their individual pros and cons. A question that has plagued some of the greatest minds on earth for a generation is exhaustively tackled by his gargantuan effort: which crap bacon snack is the king of crap bacon snacks?

Few of us have the mental energy and substantial financial backing necessary for a task of this order.

Of course, Mosef scores each packet of bacon crisps out of 10, he’d be a fool not to, but he doesn’t stop there; he’s kind enough to expand on his numerical rating, discussing factors as diverse as pack size, mouth clag, and the individual markings on each crisp. It is truly a labour of love.

So, without further ado, here are the results from Mosef’s Crap Bacon Snack Renaissance… without wanting to sound too clickbaity, the winner may surprise you: