Spurs Hit Every Single Shot They Put Up as Heat Wilts in Game 3

Game 3 started and the San Antonio Spurs rained down swords and knives onto the Miami Heat for the crotch-punching 111-92 win at American Airlines Arena.

It was an onslaught from the beginning, as the Spurs hit 75 percent of their shots, obliterating NBA Finals records and taking a blowtorch to any momentum Miami may have gotten when it won Game 2.

It was historically awful for the Heat, and one game that has us all aching and sleep-deprived.

So to delve into the finer points, we present the Bad (and ooh, there were so many to choose from), and the Good, along with pictures we think capture our many moods as Heat fans today:

The Bad:

1. Mario Chalmers Is a Sack of Broiled Turds
Mario Chalmers has chosen the absolute worst time in his career to be BAD MARIO. In Game 3, at home, Rio scored a whopping two points on an 0-for-5 night that featured three turnovers and just four assists. Chalmers has had infuriating moments over the years, and it's always been forgivable because he'd hit a big three-pointer or make a key steal. But now his act simply isn't cute anymore, and starting him has become a light-your-crotch-on-fire situation.

We'd rather have cat piss shot into our eyes with a Super Soaker than see Erik Spoelstra go with Chalmers as the starting point guard again in this series.

2. Chris Bosh Can't Disappear
After two solid games, Bosh disappeared in Game 3. And while it's hard to find your way after being swallowed up in that San Antonio maelstrom, Bosh needs to not do that. In a series in which the Heat has to play near-perfect basketball, Bosh can't go nine points, three rebounds on our asses again. If this was the bad Bosh game, so be it.

But we're gonna need him to put on the big-boy dino pants for the rest of these games.

3. LeBron James Is by Himself, Mostly
LeBron turned in his worst game of the series thus far (and that's counting that game where his legs stopped working) and played sloppy on both ends of the floor. His defense was the victim of Kawhi Leonard and his ridiculous 10-for-13 outing, and his offense was sporadic all night.

LeBron turned the ball over seven times, which is uncharacteristic of him. Expect him to be much better through the remainder of the series.

That being said, SOMEONE, ANYONE, PLEASE, needs to step up and be Robin to his Batman. Or else that feeling of wanting to shit out a litter of kittens will be magnified in the coming week. It's been an ugly trend that if LeBron isn't on the floor, the Heat is getting obliterated. That needs to stop. Bosh, Dwyane Wade -- somebody -- needs to get his mojo rolling.

The Good:

1. The Sharnado Continues to Roll
Don't look (seriously, don't... the stats are fugly), but Rashard Lewis had himself yet another fantastic game. Lewis emerging as a reliable fourth scorer would absolutely be the story of these Finals if it weren't for the Spurs' going supernova in the first half of Game 3.

On Tuesday, Lewis went 5-for-7, including 4-for-5 from three-point land. He also played decent defense -- when the entire team wasn't being crushed by falling shots. We see a trend here. And this is great. Because with Mario Chalmers faltering, Norris Cole being inconsistent, and LeBron desperately needing help, Lewis playing good solid basketball could turn out to be huge for Miami.

2. Erik Spoelstra Is the Best

Clearly.

Perspective
In last year's Finals, Danny Green set the record for three-pointers made in a game. And yet, the Heat won. In last year's Finals, the Spurs caught fire and blew the Heat out in Game 3, winning by 37 points. And yet, the Heat won. The Spurs were two games from winning it all after going up 2-1 in last year's Finals. And yet, the Heat won.

And there is no way the Spurs can hit 70 percent of their shots again. This may have been the game where they went balls out. And, all things considered, we should take it and move on.

The Heat is a resilient team -- as it showed in this game as well as in last year's Finals.

3. This Guy Represents the Hate We're Going to Feel Until Thursday, and We All Need to Approach It Like LeBron and D-Wade