Thursday, November 09, 2006

Mr. Pop will require a Bob Hope impersonator.

The rider includes not only technical information (and hilarious observations about previous performance experiences that have gone wrong), but also circular security mathematics (an unspecified number of men, the quantity of whom shall be exactly proportional to the number of doors), backstage requirements (note to Germany: sausage is not actually vegetarian) and a pitch for a reality TV show called -- brace yourself -- Dead Dog Island.

Some of the other riders on Smoking Gun are fun to read through. Tony Danza prefers Beefeater Gin and Heineken, and he requires separate restrooms for men and women. Luciano Pavarotti demands, and I quote, "There must be no distinct smells anywhere near the artist." Penn and/or Teller? Allegedly allergic to eggplant. ("PLEASE AVOID.")

When I get famous enough to have a rider -- and I will -- I think it goes without saying that Nilla wafers and frosting would be in there for me. So what would be in your rider? Let's all make our own!