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Dilbert sitting on couch while holding "TECH" magazine. Dogbert stands on arm of couch and thinks, "I will now test my theory that people like to be told what to do." Dogbert yells, "QUIT YOUR JOB AND BUILD ME A PYRAMID, YOU HOMELY DOLT!!!" Dilbert responds, "I liked it until the dolt part." Dogbert says, "I've noticed that honesty doesn't mix well with anything."

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Asok: Wally how can you be so stress free?
Wally: Its quite simple.
Stress is caused by an unrealistic belief that people care about you,
I, on the other hand expect pope to be like me.
Lets visit ted and I'll show you how this works.
Ted, do you have the budget numbers that you promised me?
Thats next on my to-do lit.
While he was lying to me, I told his stapler, so I came out a head.
He forgot his mug, Im going to sip that puppy into my briefcase.

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Dilbert: Experts say I can improve my likeability by showing that I remember things that people have told me. For example, there was the time you said you always go to funerals dressed as a clown to keep things light. Ted: I never said that! Dilbert: Are you sure? I told everyone you did.

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CEO: Studies show that tall people earn more than shorter people. So instead of doing performance reviews this year, we'll just measure your height and pay accordingly. And, of course, Alice will earn ten percent less than the men. I think that's a law.

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The Boss: Im worried that all of my employees might have mental problems.
The Boss: They exhibited anger issues when I told them to work all weekend for no extra pay.
CatBert: Did they say you're the cause off their mental problems?
The Boss: I dont listen to crazy people.

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Dilbert: Our firewall is down. Some bad stuff is getting through. Boss: How bad? Dilbert: So far we've seen viruses, spyware, tuberculosis, zombies, a deposed dictator, and an iPhone 3GS. Update: an army of mole people from another dimension has tunneled through. Boss: Keep me informed.

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Dogbert: Today you'll learn how to work independently. In this exercise, I want you to put your arms at you side, close your eyes, and fall backward. Noise: Thud thud thud. Dogbert: And it's still better than working with other people.