FEATURED ARTICLES ABOUT LISP - PAGE 4

Chicago Teachers Union President Karen Lewis was back at the lectern Wednesday to clarify some incendiary remarks and stamp out a firestorm of her own creation. This time, the brash union leader was apologizing for jokes she made about U.S. Education Secretary Arne Duncan's lisp at a union rally that was captured on video and widely circulated online earlier this week. Lewis called Duncan on Monday to smooth things over with the former Chicago Public Schools chief, then defiantly told reporters Wednesday she is not resigning.

As a preview to this year's Children's Read & Write Program, which invites children to submit book reviews for possible publication, we asked several Chicago-area authors to tell us about favorite characters from childhood books. Here's what they said. Check back in the coming weeks for more authors and more characters. Lynne Raimondo Author of "Dante's Poison" Growing up, my three favorite characters were Bob Andrews, Pete Crenshaw and Jupiter Jones. Never heard of them?

It's not much to hijack. But playing a lovelorn version of himself, in love with Adam Sandler in a dress, a lisp and breasts, Al Pacino holds a gun to the head of the comedy "Jack and Jill" and says: I now pronounce you mine. We can deal with the non-Pacino parts of the picture quickly. We all have lives to lead and funnier stuff either to YouTube at work or film at home with Legos. Sandler plays his usual role, that of the successful, irritable Hollywood jerk - an ad executive this time, scrambling to get Pacino for a Dunkin' Donuts commercial.

While extra-marital carryings-on among the clergy have long existed in fiction and fact, from "The Scarlet Letter" and John Updike's "A Month of Sundays" to Jim Bakker's "Pearlygate," a forthcoming CBS mini-series escalates the stakes considerably: A minister with a wandering libido winds up murdering his wife and conspiring to kill his lover's husband. Based on real-life events that unfolded in Emporia, Kan.--a duly respectable community of 29,000 souls and 51 churches that is perhaps best known as the hometown of redoubtable journalist William Allen White--"Murder Ordained" (8 p.m. Sunday and Tuesday on CBS-Ch.

Dr. William Dorfman wants to get his hands on Tom Cruise's teeth. "They're terrible," said Dorfman. "His two front teeth are different sizes. They looked so bad when he was on the cover of last November's GQ that I wrote him a letter saying he should come see me." If anyone could be trusted to tinker with Top Gun's top teeth, it's Dorfman, who has looked down the throat of many a Hollywood heartthrob. Recently named "best cosmetic dentist in L.A." by Los Angeles magazine, the 39-year-old tooth authority specializes in straightening, bleaching, bonding and veneering teeth that can be seen on screens both big and small.

TODAY'S QUESTIONS TOPIC 1: What could possibly provoke one NFL player to spit on another? According to NFL rule 24.34a, a player can only spit on an opponent if he's on fire. Maybe Sean Taylor has a very pronounced lisp. See how that would lead to on-field conflicts. Maybe the other player needed his facemask shined. Who are we to judge? If one said, "Spit on me, and I'll give you $17,000," and the other needed $17,000 to pay the fine. Jimmy, do me a favor and sit still.

Thanksgiving leftovers: Only 275 days until the Cubs are eliminated from the pennant race. It is too much to expect Jim McMahon to be humbled by his latest collision with misfortune, but maybe his hair will lie down. I guess Gene Michael still sticks out like a sore thumb. In a close call, Penn State sounds a bit more phony than Miami when discussing the nobility of playing for all that money in the Fiesta Bowl. Miami admits it is in it for the cash, though the Hurricanes will take a check.

This week, CBS canceled its bankrupt casino drama "Viva Laughlin," which some called one of the worst TV shows ever. That got us to thinking. Here, then, is our list of The 15 Worst TV Shows Ever. Let the debate begin. "YOU'RE IN THE PICTURE" (1961) Jackie Gleason appeared in a prime time quiz show, but it was so bad the quiz format was dropped after one airing and it became instead a short-lived talk show. Even Gleason knew it was bad: "I've seen bombs in my day, but this one made the H-bomb look like a 2-inch salute."

'Tyson' . "Tyson" is not a conventional film biography. There is no variety of viewpoints, no back and forth about episodes in his life, and, except for interview footage from the past, no other voices heard. What you get is Mike Tyson, former heavyweight champion, former substance abuser, former prison inmate, talking with that unexpected slight lisp. You may not be happy with everything said, but you will not be bored. "Tyson" starts with clips from the 1986 victory over Trevor Berbick that made him, at just 20, the youngest heavyweight champion ever.

Boxing is a rather amorphous body, though recognizable because it is headless. So cancel any notion that the Nevada State Athletic Commission, no matter how noble its intentions, somehow will cleanse the sport by teaching the facts of life to disgraced former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson. If those dukes of dandruff in Las Vegas suspend Tyson for the next century, and if every other state abides by law to obey such sanctions, rest assured that Tyson shall be welcome to fight elsewhere on the planet, provided he wears a muzzle.