Penning down my thoughts to the world

I’m about to break my 14 day streak of no news, no social media and barely any screen time.

After going on a family vacation I’ve basically been on a bliss mode somewhat.

In 20minutes I’m going to start working and I hope to retain and exceed this mental bliss as I go.

But in case I’m not able to, I’d like the Sangita who now follows and plays the role of me remember the following things:

1. Be calm.

2. Life is nothing but a play, treat it like a sport and you’ll never be a loser or a winner but only winning and losing.

3. Breathe. Take deepest breaths.

4. In every stressful situation laugh it out, think of this as a part of some script that you wrote for yourself and now have to act it. 🙂 Ironically or coincidentally your favourite band is The Script and they’re good to calm you down.

5. Be in the moment, but not like the hedonist who chases the good moments only. Be in the moment even if it is unappealing. Cause this too shall pass.

6. Remember the bigger picture and calculation of Manvantara on wikipedia. This somehow calms you down and makes you realise the insignificance of human time.

7. Not every little thing that happens to you needs to be chased with a microscope. You can always redeem and have another day waiting.

8. Exercise pls.

9. Think more and more positively as opposed to negatively. Learn this from your mother.

Lastly, don’t let last minute lists stress you. I sincerely hope the bliss stays on with you forever and grows in you. If it doesn’t, all you need to do is take another vacation in the next few months. 🙂

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I’m about to break my 14 day streak of no news, no social media and barely any screen time.

After going on a family vacation I’ve basically been on a bliss mode somewhat.

In 20minutes I’m going to start working and I hope to retain and exceed this mental bliss as I go.

But in case I’m not able to, I’d like the Sangita who now follows and plays the role of me remember the following things:

1. Be calm.

2. Life is nothing but a play, treat it like a sport and you’ll never be a loser or a winner but only winning and losing.

3. Breathe. Take deepest breaths.

4. In every stressful situation laugh it out, think of this as a part of some script that you wrote for yourself and now have to act it. 🙂 Ironically or coincidentally your favourite band is The Script and they’re good to calm you down.

5. Be in the moment, but not like the hedonist who chases the good moments only. Be in the moment even if it is unappealing. Cause this too shall pass.

6. Remember the bigger picture and calculation of Manvantara on wikipedia. This somehow calms you down and makes you realise the insignificance of human time.

7. Not every little thing that happens to you needs to be chased with a microscope. You can always redeem and have another day waiting.

8. Exercise pls.

9. Think more and more positively as opposed to negatively. Learn this from your mother.

Lastly, don’t let last minute lists stress you. I sincerely hope the bliss stays on with you forever and grows in you. If it doesn’t, all you need to do is take another vacation in the next few months. 🙂

Peace.

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The one thing (out of many) wrong with capitalism is how dishonest we are made day to day just cause our ‘livelihood’ depends on it. A lot of us probably have annoying bosses, colleagues or even worse annoying professors.

Yet, we cannot tell anyone off. We have to just ‘suck it up’ as they say. Why? Your ‘CV’ and ‘references’. Isn’t it bizarre how much different forms of paper control us right now. Money, CVS and other stuff. None of them even need to be physical anymore. They can exist in the 2 dimensional world and still define us, box us, and make us lie.

We day in and day out are dishonest with how we actually feel about our bosses. If the boss gets something wrong it becomes an innocent mistake and if you do it is a life and death situation for you personally.

Oh, how I detest that.

If your coworker and you don’t get along, you have to resort to ‘office politics’. Why? Cause he or she is also a ‘connection’ you cannot afford to sour. Cause who knows where you may ‘need’ that connection. Oh how heartless are we made by this system.

Above and beyond those we are dishonest with live in a bubble. The idea that they are not doing anything wrong and we are all absolutely great with the on goings. We are not.

Capitalism in this way has taken away our voice.

Of course there’s inhouse reviews, but let’s be honest. How many of us are really truthful while writing those? Even our online reviews are anonymous.

Capitalism has made us dumb, look the other way, direct our feelings towards something else. I dislike it so much. There are people I want to tell to buzz off. There are moments where I want to scream how little I care about the job I do, how barely passionate I am about what the numbers say, because in the grand scheme of things this is only a play and none of it matters. Yet I’m forced to be very ‘passionate’ about it all. But honestly I am not. I cannot care less. To hell with the idea that work is what you define your life around. I no longer do. Work is merely an aspect to life which helps me with sustenance. Life is much more and much deeper than that.

It is a rather depressing post for a Wednesday. Yet, I have no alternative to this that I can present. Not yet. 🙂

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A bus called patriarchy being driven by multiple men (and women?). But that bus has come to a halt, some of the prisoners… I mean passengers have taken iron rods and broken out. Some who have already broken out are spray painting over the word patriarchy and writing ‘equality’.

The drivers are in shock. Some of the quiet prisoners… Sorry passengers are sitting on the lawn outside with a book in their hand. Each book about by authors about feminist movements and other amazing equality stories. Reading them.

This painting/artwork will be called, “You cannot simply buy a ticket to freedom.”

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As my day has ended quite late today. I’ve just found the time to write. I sorely hate the night time so much, yet I’m here stuck awake at 1am. Night time is full of uncertainties and darkness. I’m not a fan at all.

Anyways, today I was able to reach 63kg in my weight a year after weighing 74kgs! The appropriate weight for my height is 62. So not too far. 🙂 I aim to lose another 4 kilos in the coming days.

I also met a close friend. We hung out at the children’s swing set in her building after doing a bunch of random chores. We spoke about adulthood and the experiences we had in our childhood that led us to grow old too quickly. It was fitting that two adults sitting on swing sets for kids talking about how the child in them was never allowed to be a child too long. 🙂 It was beautiful cause to be able speak about it itself is enough to relieve the pain from those experiences. The more openly you’re able to speak about experiences past or present, the more courage and willingness to face it. And easier to overcome the pain. But one must also not dwell on the past so as to let it define our existence. Since existence doesn’t require definition. It just is.

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I’m going to dedicate a post to something positive every day for the next year just so I can be happier and also write more!

I’ll always remember today as the day I sat at my cousin’s house, working on a computer. In a room with all the windows closed and yet the fan is switched off. Even the thought of switching it on is making me fear the cold.

This post is dedicated to those pleasant Sunday afternoons in January where the weather is just right. 🙂 It is so rare to feel this way.

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Off late I’ve been obsessed with Alan Watts. His books and audio files are my go-to boredom cure.

I would not make the mistake of defining hin as a person, definitions limit us and others. But his writings are amaze! If you’re a fan of Buddhist-Hindu philosophies then he’s your man. Inspite of being an Indian millennial I have been brought up with western books, education and thinking. I view the world through the eyes of a westerner and even buddhist and hindu philosophies. Thankfully Watts is here to the rescue.
His way of explaining the Maya is mind blowing.

The most recent thing I read today in the book, the Way of Zen, was about how we split our mind or imagine it to be split.

We are constantly switching between doing something and imagining ourselves doing it. Like doing workout and imagining the workout. The latter causes a lot of stress, lethargy and just basic unwillingness to do the activity.

That means we think we are split into the voice in our head which records the activities of the other which is the body and what the voice sees through the body.

The voice is nothing without the body and is completely dependent on it. Yet we have made the split. The voice is the sane one and the body or the heart is the insane one. We think there’s a difference.
Like the comics of today’s world which constantly portray a struggle between the heart and the brain. In reality there’s no struggle. Because there’s no split. The more we imagine there’s a split the more we feed this imaginary concept. Like our ego. I’ll get back to the ego thing later though.

He gives this example,

Imagine if you’re reading and you simultaneously think I’m reading, you wouldn’t be actually reading while having that thought. This means our thoughts are a one way road. You can’t have multiple numbers of them at once. Just one at a time. As I’m typing this sentence if I think “oh I’m typing a sentence” I’ll have to stop typing.
So the split that we imagine is nothing but a stream of thoughts coming one after the another from the same source our mind. But we try to play with the ‘source’ and think oh it is this part of my body or mind talking to this part of my body or mind. It’s really not.
This internal monologuing we have going on about our ‘life’ as a documentary is nothing thoughts lined up on a stream of them. I know it feels like a traffic jam of thoughts and my head spins too every time I ‘think’ about it. But it is good to know it is not a wide lane and that I’ll never be over crowded with too many thoughts at once. Not even two thoughts at once. Each come one after the other, like our seconds on the clock or moments in life. It is only in our imagination we speed things up and the traffic jam on our mind then causes anxiety.
I attempted to capture what I’ve read in the book today. But words don’t do justice to his genius or the genius of the Vedic gurus and Zen masters. Hope you have a thoughtless moment today and find peace.