The merciless slashing of the
bodies, the skillful yet swift beheading of men, the floating bodies in angry bloody
flood and I was in the isle, injured, at my best to survive.

Then I realized it wasn’t a trailer
of Wrong Turn but replica of ‘Bajiroa Mastani’ I watched before I slept.

The gruesome nightmare woke me
in the wee hour, the morning cold scolded me to sleep, the mattress begged me
to stay, the blanket lured me to embrace it and a mind, a slave of my lazy body
almost readily agreed to it when I heard Apa in stern tone “ Woo sho Tshering!
hang ya zamin rang mangiwa dabu yebchona.”

“Apa please wai…dasu yephey.” I
begged hugging blanket tightly.

“Woosho yegpa na. Wunthan Amchi
ga toh tey chos pey rumcho.” Apa said again. I could hear the clinking of
utensils from kitchen confirming she needs help in the kitchen.

Wrong turn! I don’t want to disappoint
my parents again. I reluctantly but guiltily woke up, promising to be more
responsible. Apa is currently doing M.Ed at Paro and Ama, Memey and siblings
came from Gelephu Tsachu and we are houseful at Amchi’s place. And it was not
the best act to sleep like a log when a fireplace oven demands the log to be
fed.

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Only the sound of
shoes and heels reverberated despite the queue of people waiting for the
visiting hours. Both anxieties and excitements shone in their face. It reads
5:56pm, four minutes to go. People rushed, I directly went to level 3 at ICU
section. Uncle greeted me with a weak smile and directed to a place where he
was kept. The security guard on the way said we can’t go inside. Uncle
requested and begged saying I am patient’s sister, guard let us visit him and
asked us to make our visit short. Am I the only one who feel whole hospital set
up is so intense and depressing, can’t it be little livelier?

As we went nearer
him, I saw him lying but inclining on the bed, living with the help of various
technology and machines. He wasn’t he; not a chubby healthy smiling person I
last saw him. His eyes fluttering, traces of tears at the corner of eyes, mouth
slightly opened, he looked like he hadn’t eaten for months as flesh abandoned
his bone. I felt my heart at mouth and I broke at that moment seeing a cousin
just two years older battling for the life.

R.I.P Cousin

I couldn’t meet
uncle’s eyes; eyes of a helpless father filled with a terror as he saw his son
dying in front of him. Moist filled eyes that were looking for a miracle for
his ailing son. When I asked him what his disease is, uncle said Doctors are
yet to diagnose it, though ‘TB malignancy’ was suspected and he was being
treated for that. Uncle recounted his every memorable childhood stories to the
details of last few months of sickness. One day when uncle was back for a
lunch, a cousin woke at that moment and confronted them saying that they didn’t
care him well saying that somebody chopped off his hair in their presence.
Another time, he asked them to fetch a person at door who he said has come to
treat him though nobody was there actually.

At 8:00pm, an uncle
whose daughter at 21 was admitted due to chronic kidney failure informed us
that our patient’s health had further deteriorated. Fear gripped us as we
looked at each other’s eyes and began praying for a miracle. A minute later, a
relative informed that he is little better. We kept praying in a silence, a
minute felt like a millennium and waiting seems tedious.

Precisely on 1st January, 2016 at 8:57pm,
doctor said sorry to us and we lost him forever. He chooses a path, never to
look back. The pain left him and he left us. He was too young to die but god
felt he is too old to live. He was a 2nd year B.Ed student at
Samtse. He was at vacation, perhaps a vacation so long that he might never
return to his institute.

The cremation took
place at 11:26am on 4th January, which lasted more than 5hours and
when finally his ashes were sprinkled on the river, he went to the place beyond
our reach yet to everyone’s destination.

What is new about
this ‘New Year 2016’ is that old faces are vanishing from my life. I think 2016
is the year to lose the people around me; some to death and some to situation. Both
can brings tears in eyes and haunt me enough. I am looking for the reason; the
reason to live knowing we are to die ultimately and sometimes abruptly. The
reason to live without feeling; when we can feel, we can feel the pain and when
the pain feels us, we are hurt bringing unbearable sufferings in life.

Death is an old
phenomenon yet every time it strikes us, the pain we feel is new and fresh.