advice

Hi there I am hoping someone can help me. I have been a Christian for about 1.5 yr s. Normally outside of church and Christian activities I am very even-keeled. Not high or low I very very rarely get rattled either way and am known to be calm in all situations. But when I get into Christian situations weather it be church or praying alone, reading the Bible, study groups, Christian gatherings anything I deeply panic. Sometimes even get sick to my stomach and hyperventilate badly to the point of almost passing out. It feels like there is something around my chest squeezing. I often also get mad at unconnected things like my best friend a pastor there, but she just smiles and squeezes my hand. This is going on for 1 1/2 years now and I am beginning to think he does not want me there and am beyond frustrated. Am thinking all this was a mistake. I once almost took a swing at a pastor teaching alpha classes and believe me, outside of this environment I am so mellow I make Barry Mannilow look like a punk rocker. It might help to know I had a rough up bringing although I am 34 now with abuse and alcohol. But anyway anyone who can help I would be grateful as I said I passed frustrated and want to stop kidding myself he wants me. I have seen a lot of rejection in my life but I don't know if that is connected or not. But would like to hear from anyone with a similar situation. Thanks in advance Trish

If I can help I will. I will pray for sure.we do need to share one another's burdens. If you would like to email me at [email protected] maybe we could dialogue a little and see if we could figure this out.
Matt 11:28-30
28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
(KJV)

In Rev., Jesus talks about getting back to our first love. Kind of like a marriage. You know how when you first got married and it was just a big honeymoon. You look at each other.......right in the eyes even......you hold hands, all that stuff that is sooo good for that marriage.

Slowly we slip away from that. Jesus is talking about a similar thing. Remember how it was when you first got saved. Go back to that. Do the things that you did then.

I find for myself the more I serve God the more I feel that, first love. For instance: I joined the M2 program a few years back. This was a prisoner visitation program. We visited medium and maximum security prisoners. I didn't know what I was getting into when I signed up, but it was worth it. I had many unforgetable experiences with that......back to the subject I'll get. The thing I noticed was that when I actualy served God in someway I was rewarded in at least, a "rest" in my soul and a satifaction that I was doing at least one thing that he wanted me to do.

I don't know if any of this pertains to you but it is just my experience. I also read a lot about other Christian experiences and this reassures my spirit. Getting deep into the Bible, also. Not just a surface Bible study but a deep deep study.

I think if we try hard enough we'll find you that reassurance.
Heb 4:14-16
14 But Jesus the Son of God is our great High Priest who has gone to heaven itself to help us; therefore let us never stop trusting him.
15 This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses since he had the same temptations we do, though he never once gave way to them and sinned.
16 So let us come boldly to the very throne of God and stay there to receive his mercy and to find grace to help us in our times of need.
(TLB)

Hold onto that faith and move forward. Maybe just very small steps but forward none the less. Let us all seek that mercy that gives grace in our times of need. Here.......take this.....it's a crutch. We all need them. It's made out of Gods mercy, Gods word, friends around you, friends in this forum........and me.

Hi there I must admit since becoming a Christian i have learnt alot about friendship and reaching out. I have been more open and trusted people with my feelings far more then i would ever had as a non-christian. It is so amazing to feel supported in all this. Everytime I have to leave church during service because I can not breath they just welcome me back with open arms even if I am mad at myself for leaving and feel i have disappointed them. That is such an amazing feeling and I am learning what unconditional love is and means. Your honeymoon analogy makes sense but unfortunatly there was no honeymoon this has been going on since day 1. I have now gained the ability to sit through service where i used to leave. I just could not sit there. Because I was getting angry or felt so short of breath i was going to pass out. I have one friend who has been so amazing through this with me the whole way and i talk to her alot so we went to see a christian pastor who suggested taking small steps as you say and not being afraid to use crutches either and depend on friends. So he also suggested when i feel anxious to keep a pad of paper with me and write. That has allowed me to sit during service but still not feel god. Now at times when i want to leave the most i grab my friends hand and i know she is praying for me as i am. But I admit i am losing faith and wonder if god himself is causing all this. Does he not see me reaching out? Trying? I am so grateful for any help you can give me. As I say reaching out to people has never been my strong suit but you sure make it easier. Wilma2

I am more than happy to help. It seems to me that you are having anxiety attacks because something is triggering a past trauma. You see I have 3 foster kids that have had a very troubled past. They are twin 6yr old girls and their 4 yr old brother. They were very troubled at first but the past year has come a long way. Well I've said that to say this. They sometimes see or hear something that triggers something way down deep and off they go. They all 3 will revert to day one for about a week. I have been noticing what causes this and I am sure it is something that reminds their subconscience of a past trauma. I don't want to sound to shrinkish cause I am not a shrink but with all the classes the foster system makes you take and all the counseling sessions we have had for these kids, I have learned a thing or two.....This Sunday see if you can pinpoint when you get this feeling the most, see if there is something going on here.

Don't rule out spiritual oppression either. Satan goes about as a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. Jesus says that he will never leave you nor forsake you. This is a certanty. Keep reaching out to him, he will shine his light on you. I suspect there is a deep dark monster there somewhere and when Jesus shines his light it will dissapear......you know what I mean.

Hi again
I am sorry to say I have given up going to church because I am tired of getting ill all the time. So I decided this week to not go anymore because as I said to my friend I am tired of banging my head on the wall. But she just smiled and said remember church is just a building, and church can be where ever you make it. She also tells me to remember "when 2 or more are gathered..." But we did notice that the reaction was the worst when the worship music or the sermon was about love. Any worship songs about letting god in or him loving you or vice versa would do me in. I wonder what is wrong with me to feel this way. May I ask what ages the foster kids are, and did you notice certain trigger situations would affect them the most? I was abused alot in the past but was told if i give it to god all should be fine. I dont know this is all so frustrating to me. I just know that reading the bible or praying right now would be so hard and i have been fighting this for the last year and a half and i am tired. Thanks again for your help my friend.

Remember baby steps will get you where you want to go, just takes a little longer.

My new kids are twin 6yr old girls (Danielle, Michelle) and their 4 yr brother (sean)

They all have a touch of fetal alcohol syndrome, a lot of reactive attactment dissorder, and two of them have full blown ADD and ADHD. When I say full blown I don't mean the uncontrollable type I just mean genuien ADD.

They can be the cutest kids and are often. They were taken out of stable environments 4 times in two yrs. The boy had a foster parent break his leg when he was 18 mo.s This kind of stuff gives foster parents a bad name.

You see it takes time to get attached and it seemed that just as soon as they started loving someone ...... wham they got pulled away and had to start a new life with new perfect strangers.

Well we started this whole thing with the idea of adoption so we have been able from the start to tell them this is permanent. I have kids grown and kids of their own and thought I was done raising kids, but God had a different idea. I'm not complaining cause as though as it is, it is very rewarding. The adoption will take about another year.

Now about Wilma. Let's take a look at Wilma's adoption.John 1:12-13
12 But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, {even} to those who believe in His name,
13 who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.
(NAU)

Wilma you and I are brother and sister we are equal in God's eyes and we are together adopted in the family of God.
Gal 3:26-29
26 For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus.
27 For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ.
28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.
29 And if ye be Christ's, then are ye Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise.
(KJV)

We have an inheiratence. We are his Children and he will keep us forever.
Gal 4:6-7
6 And because ye are sons, God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father.
7 Wherefore thou art no more a servant, but a son; and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ.
(KJV)

Do you see the security that you need is here. God himself has made it so. God is our father or father that we need so bad. He is loving and mercifull. He has our interests at heart. He has worked all this out so that Wilma and Rick (that's me), will have a solid rock to stand on. Jesus is that rock.

Now we should start building a house on that rock. We need a house to wether the storms of life. but we need that firm foundation to build it on.Luke 6:48
48 He is like a man which built an house, and digged deep, and laid the foundation on a rock: and when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently upon that house, and could not shake it: for it was founded upon a rock.
(KJV)

Well at least I got you to read some of that Bible. Did it make you feel like hitting you moniter??? I think that is enough for now but like Jesus said learn of me.
Matt 11:29
29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
(KJV)