Do you think Open Relationships can work?

I don't see how you can do the "don't ask, don't tell" thing. One of the first things to pop into my mind was my homegirl, who recently just found out that she has full-blown aids and she got it from her husband who knew he had the disease and never told her for "you're going to stay with me no matter what" reasons. (However, she wasn't in an open relationship like you are.) That particular reason there is a reason why I don't think open relationships work. Another reason is that you never know if your partner will eventually start getting emotionally attached to someone else. He/she may have sex with one person but then they'll start going back to that other person more than once or twice and then emotions will start kicking in. And that's how drama will start. Or an illegitimate child may come into the situation as well.

Imperial1

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If your partner starts getting emotionally attached to someone else, just like any relationship, then it is their responsibility to end the relationship with you. It isn't any different. Do you think that being in a completely monogamous relationship is going to change that? Because it doesn't. And as far as diseases are concerned, again, always use protection and get tested regularly. Once again, whether in a relationship or not, all it takes is one time to catch something, so an open relationship will not make a difference. Considering I am 26 years old and have never even had HPV, unlike most women my age or younger, I know that using protection is the way to go. So does the boyfriend. But it is still your responsibility as an adult to get tested regularly anyways. It also helps prevent illegitimate children. Or, on a personal note, they could do like us and not mess with anyone who doesn't like anal. That always takes the risk out of getting pregnant/getting someone pregnant. Just sayin.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying that open relationships work for everyone. But I do know several married couples who are incredibly happy that this has worked for. They were dating for years, and have been married for years, and things are great. But there are people I know where it didn't work out. People pretend to be more secure or confident than they really are and end up hurting themselves. It is NOT for everyone. I do not recommend it for everyone. But for unconventional people like me, it works. And my relationship is wonderful and stable. More so than any monogamous relationship I have been in.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying that open relationships work for everyone. But I do know several married couples who are incredibly happy that this has worked for. They were dating for years, and have been married for years, and things are great. But there are people I know where it didn't work out. People pretend to be more secure or confident than they really are and end up hurting themselves. It is NOT for everyone. I do not recommend it for everyone. But for unconventional people like me, it works. And my relationship is wonderful and stable. More so than any monogamous relationship I have been in.

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So do you use protection with your mate that you're in an open relationship with? Cause with you knowing he's messing around, you never know. Not saying it doesn't happen in monogamous ones either though.

Being in an open relationship takes as much work as any other relationship, if not more. I know, because I am in an open relationship with a man that I am very much in love with, and who is very much in love with me.

Now let me make one thing clear: Open relationships are NOT the same as a swinger relationship. They are two COMPLETELY different things.

Open relationships usually involve two people who have an agreement that if at any point in time, you find someone you are attracted to and decide to have a sexual encounter with them, you can, without ever worrying that it would be considered cheating. A lot of people have these relationships for many reasons. Some do it because one part of the couple may be in the military which can make it more stressful when seperated for months to years at a time. Others do it because their jobs require them to travel a lot and again, this can be stressful on a relationship, especially if someone in that relationship feels they are not being satisfied the way they would like to be. Other times, you just want something different. Sure, you may have the Filet Mignon at home, but every now and again, you just want a hamburger or some fried chicken. My relationship with my boyfriend falls under the "don't ask/don't tell" policy. I don't want to know and I don't care to know when and if he has slept with someone else and vice versa. Blatantly throwing something like that in your significant other's face can be detrimental to a relationship. We also do not sleep with any one that we know mutually, especially friends. That is for obvious reasons. The main important aspect of an open relationship is to realize that sex and love are not mutually inclusive. Yes, I may sleep with other men because I find them attractive, but no matter what, my man has my heart. He may sleep with other women because he finds them attractive, but, in his words, "they can't love me like you do." Emotional attachment to your sexual partners would be considered cheating as sharing your heart with someone else when you claim to be in love can ultimately ruin your relationship. And generally, one of the most common consequences is having a sexual partner fall in love with you.

Swinger relationships operate on the basis that a couple can have sex with other people as long as they are doing it together. They generally switch partners with other swinging couples and can even have long term sexual relationships with the couples they have met. Again, jealousy cannot play a role here because of the close contact and full knowledge of your significant other's sexual activities. I have never been in a swinging relationship, nor do I want to, but I do know others who have. Cheating is usually defined as having sexual relationships with other people without your significant other having any knowledge of it.

Regardless, either of these relationships take a strong mind and confidence and again, the ability to realize that sex and love are not mutually inclusive.

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Excellent post. The distiguishing between open relationships versus swinging was enlightening.

I think a lot of people are in open realtionships, whether or not they chose to openly acknowledge or accept it.

My relationship with my boyfriend falls under the "don't ask/don't tell" policy. I don't want to know and I don't care to know when and if he has slept with someone else and vice versa. Blatantly throwing something like that in your significant other's face can be detrimental to a relationship.

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Why wouldn't you want to know when or who else he's been with? Is it the "Igonorance is bliss" train of thought? Would you feel disrespected if he flaunted the other woman in front of you?

We also do not sleep with any one that we know mutually, especially friends. That is for obvious reasons.

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Totally feel you on this, though it would be helpful if you could detail some of those "obvious reasons".

The main important aspect of an open relationship is to realize that sex and love are not mutually inclusive. Yes, I may sleep with other men because I find them attractive, but no matter what, my man has my heart. He may sleep with other women because he finds them attractive, but, in his words, "they can't love me like you do."

Why wouldn't you want to know when or who else he's been with? Is it the "Igonorance is bliss" train of thought? Would you feel disrespected if he flaunted the other woman in front of you?

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Some people like the ideas of sharing their sexual encounters with other people when they are in open relationships. But I have seen it turn bad really quickly, especially if someone feels that either A) Their significant other is taking advantage of the agreement more often than they are, or B) Their significant other is sleeping with other people more often than they are sleeping with their SO. This can lead to restrictions, jealousy, and ultimately a lowering of confidence in the way your partner feels about you. We chose the "don't ask/don't tell" policy, because yes, at times, ignorance is bliss. And yes, flaunting your sexual partners in front of your SO is completely disrespectful and uncalled for. The purpose of an open relationship is discretion, and you can't be discretionary if you are flaunting your sexual partners.

Totally feel you on this, though it would be helpful if you could detail some of those "obvious reasons".

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If you sleep with your significant other's friends, there is a chance that those friends could use that as some sort of leverage in the friendship. Any arguments arise between your SO and their friend, can you imagine the ammunition that could be used regarding your sexual experience with them? Plus, my boyfriend and I have a lot of the same friends, and usually hang out with each others friends together. Talk about an uncomfortable situation. It is just as bad as sleeping with your ex's friend after you break up. Completely disrespectful.

when you feel like you arent getting the best your mind starts to wander and dream about something better.

its only human. everybody wants to have the best things. why shouldnt we, really? life is short.

in a relationship we do this too. when something is lacking you have three choices: give up on wanting something better, try to find an effective way to encourage the other person into giving you something better, or find a new person who can

just remember that its always up to you; whatever it is that you do

you have the power to decide whats good enough for you and what isn't.

i think open relationships are more like friendships than love affairs. basically, you're looking for something that your S/O can't give you. how powerful can your love really be for someone when you feel that they can't/don't even complete you? you have one foot out the door already and are just looking for the slightest breeze to push you all the way out at that point.

when you feel like you arent getting the best your mind starts to wander and dream about something better.

its only human. everybody wants to have the best things. why shouldnt we, really? life is short.

in a relationship we do this too. when something is lacking you have three choices: give up on wanting something better, try to find an effective way to encourage the other person into giving you something better, or find a new person who can

just remember that its always up to you; whatever it is that you do

you have the power to decide whats good enough for you and what isn't.

i think open relationships are more like friendships than love affairs. basically, you're looking for something that your S/O can't give you. how powerful can your love really be for someone when you feel that they can't/don't even complete you? you have one foot out the door already and are just looking for the slightest breeze to push you all the way out at that point.

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See.... that is where you are wrong. So many relationships end because of something related to sex. Either they are not getting enough or they aren't necessarily getting the sex that they want. And again, sometimes its is none of the above, sometimes people just get too busy, or just want something different. But why does a relationship have to end just because the sexual side of the relationship isn't up to par? Again, why would I want to end my relationship with a man who loves me and shows me more love than any other relationship I have been in, and with a man that I have been happier with than anyone else just because of sex? Why would I want to give up the years of friendship we do have, because you can't have a relationship without having a friendship, or give up all of the great things that we do have just because of the sex? It doesn't make any sense.

And you see, my man does complete me and I don't NEED to have sex with other people to be happy. In fact, I rarely act on sexual advances from other people. But with other people, it is just sex. When I am with my boyfriend, it is different. The way he kisses me makes me feel more than I could even feel when having sex with another. The intimacy between my boyfriend and me is on a completely different level because we do love each other. But if you have no experience being in an open relationship, then you would not know this.

if that nigga is not hitting it right then that nigga is wack. sex is the measure of how passionate your relationship is. wack sex means wack relationship.

to me it really sounds like you're in a relationship with a concept more than a person. have you ever seen She's Gotta Have It? Its about a girl named Nona Darling and her three simultaneous relationships with three different types of men. She fucks three different men and constantly alternates between the three - Jamie Overstreet, Greer Childs, Mars Blackmon - because they each possess certain traits that she wants from a man but is incapable of finding all those traits encapsulated inside just one man. Basically, because she can never find that perfect man she has made her own man out of three different men. The so called, "three-headed, three-dicked, monster"

So basically she was just fucking a concept and was in a relationship with that concept and not really those men.

i think that real love is when you can give yourself away completely to one person. Its so sad because typically we can never find this perfect person; someone who can give you everything in every capacity. In that sense I am definitely not knocking you for the things you do. Thats your situation and every situation is unique and dynamic.

I myself would not settle for that though. This is my unique situation and i also have a right to that. the only thing i know for sure is that the more on top of your game you are the more options you have as to who you can be with and who you cant be with. That right now is what drives me. I am just trying to run and gun and make sure I am in a place that I can give a lot and therefore receive a lot back. I am not all the way where i want to be but I know in my heart I will get there.

until then I am not about to settle for a constructed concept that is designed to replicate the perfect lover that I could never attain.

Except that sex with my man is fantastic. And you must have not read the part where I said that I rarely act on any sexual advances from another man. Nobody does it for me the way my man does. But the option is still there.

i guess. like i said i am not trying to knock how you get down because every situation is unique. the only thing i know is that when people really are sprung hard like that to each other its almost like they can never even see themselves being with anyone else. its like the strongest feeling you can ever experience as a person. i guess you're different. but like i said i'm not knocking you and the way that each person achieves happiness in life.

I don't see how you can do the "don't ask, don't tell" thing. One of the first things to pop into my mind was my homegirl, who recently just found out that she has full-blown aids and she got it from her husband who knew he had the disease and never told her for "you're going to stay with me no matter what" reasons. (However, she wasn't in an open relationship like you are.) That particular reason there is a reason why I don't think open relationships work. Another reason is that you never know if your partner will eventually start getting emotionally attached to someone else. He/she may have sex with one person but then they'll start going back to that other person more than once or twice and then emotions will start kicking in. And that's how drama will start. Or an illegitimate child may come into the situation as well.

I aint a chick or nothin but HELL MOTHAFUCKIN NO! sorry i cant kiss a bitch on the mouth if shes suckin off other niggas or eat her pussy either. she might as well be a booty call cuz thats whatcha do 2 em. holla