12 September 2006

Hunk: (lying on the floor in the guest room, making a moaning noise)Me: What is it baby?Hunk: (moaning noise gets louder)Me: Are you okay?Hunk: (moan, moan, moan)Me: Are you hungry?Hunk: (moaning ceases)Me: Lemme finish my blog first, handsome boy.Hunk: (loud sigh followed by faint moaning)

11 September 2006

I was on my way to the psych hospital for work when the first plane hit. I had switched from my normal NPR to a local station here in Greenville, SC, and I clearly remember the first report followed by the DJ saying that it had to be either a joke or a small plane, as others have said. I switched to NPR to see if it was real, but was pulling into the parking lot and was running late (as usual).

The patient at the hospital at the time was a minor, a boy who was chronologically 13 and mentally about 5. I headed in to do the community meeting on the unit. I opened the door and all the kids and staff were huddled around the TV in the day room. I remember thinking "Crap, late again and this time I'm going to have to interpret a video!" I remember the looks on their faces. I remember how kids that would shy away from even catching a staff person's eye under normal circumstances were sitting there, clinging to other kids, to staff members, to each other. And I remember my client waving me over and asking me why the TV keeps showing the same movie over and over again...

I remember when the second plane hit because we were watching the TV. Immediately looks were exchanged among the staff and you could see the question hanging in the air..."Do we turn this off?" Thankfully they didn't, and when the kids asked questions the staff members were open and honest with them. They even came to enlist my help to ask my client if he understood what was going on. He had some questions that one would expect from a very young child: "Why did the plane hit the building?" "Why did the pilot not pay attention and fly right?" But the one that I can still see in my mind's eye when I think of 9-11 was the one that no one expected from him: "Where will they crash next? Here?"

I was still living with the ex then, and I don't think our TV was turned off for the next few weeks. It was always on either what I call the Shouting Channel (FoxNews) or the Green Channel (CNN). I didn't switch away from NPR to any other station on the radio for a long, long time.

08 September 2006

Being unemployed for two weeks has some perks...one of which is being able to take a nap when I want. Like today, the first day since Sunday that I haven't had a freelance gig and I decided to take a "short nap."

If you know me, you know that rarely works out for me...I usually fall deeply asleep and feel like the underside of a mudflap in the rain when I wake up.

Today was no exception. I fell very deeply asleep and actually dreamed, and MAN ALIVE was I glad to wake up when my pager went off! I dreamed that I woke up in some kind of weird school. I was my real age I think, not a teenager, but I was in this school in England (everyone but me had an accent). I remember knowing that the reason I was there was punative and that I couldn't leave. Soon other girls showed up and didn't seem to notice that there was a 34 year old woman with them...so maybe I looked like a kid?

Anyway, I remember what the inside of my room looked like...stone walls, very dark, candles on the walls for light. The bathroom or "loo" as the other girls called it was down the hall. There was an inch of water on the floor in various places in the hall and the bathroom and I didn't seem to have any shoes, only socks. Once done in the loo I returned to my room to find that the others had gone, and somehow I knew I was supposed to be in church.

Next thing I know I'm with the group outside being reprimanded for being late. I tried to tell the woman in charge that I wasn't supposed to be there and that I didn't know why I was late or how I got to where I was but she ignored me and shooed me into a pew in the church separate from the other girls. If you've ever been to the prison in the castle in Lincoln, England, the pew was like that...each seat had a door that separated you from the person next to you and made it so the only thing you could see was straight ahead at the minister.

At this point I also noticed I had a doll with me...my Madame Alexander "Little Huggums" doll that I got when I was like a month old and is currently at my parents' house for fear my animals will destroy it. I also was wrapped up in a comforter, presumably b/c I had on a skirt that I felt was too short and I was embarrassed. The seat in church had a computer terminal and I was just about to log into the internet to send out an SOS when church ended and the woman came to fetch me.

We went outside and she sat me down to talk to me about my behavior, and when I said I needed to get out of there she said "No one leaves here," and grinned. She told me I would have to throw my doll away because I was too old for dolls, and so I asked if I could send it to my family, thinking secretly that I would put a note in her clothes begging them to help me. She told me that I had to throw it away and I remember clinging to it and starting to cry because I'd had it for all my 34 years.

I was still arguing my case and feeling quite afraid when my pager went off.