Ex-Pope to star in own bio-pic musical

Emeritus Pope Benedict XVI is to 'let his hair down' and 'realise a lifelong dream' by starring in an updated version of the classic British '40's film, 'The Red Shoes'.

'Now the 24/7 pressure of dealing with the day-to-day running of the Catholic Church and all its bull have been lifted off me, I feel like a new woman.' says the ex-Pope, who now prefers to be known as 'just Josephine'.

'Even in the darkest moments of the Vatican inner sanctum I never once lost the vision of my early youth, thwarted by the war, to don tutu and ballet shoes. To glissade across the stage into the most exquisite cabriole and the roar of the cognoscenti.' she sighs.

'What do I want from life?' she asks rhetorically, quoting from the classic film, 'Why, to dance! Natürlich.'

Shooting on the film, to be directed by Baz Luhrmann ('Strictly Ballroom', 'Romeo + Juliet' and 'Moulin Rouge!') , is due to start in August.