Think of yourself as the class clown? The gal or guy who gets all the laughs? The life of the party—especially the digital party? You may someday be looking for some new material, as all good comedians eventually are. We're here to help.

This collection of apps is what you should NOT use. These are iPhone apps most people are not going to find appealing. They're disturbing of the peace, insufferable to people who follow social norms, foul in a way that should not be condoned. Therefore, they are of course, hilarious to the owner.

It's time to download some straight-up loathsome apps to your iOS device. Take them out for the long holiday weekend and see just how many people you can rile up, and try not to let your broad grin give you away as the culprit too often.

1
Atomic Fart FREE

Let's get this one out of the way first. Digital whoopie cushion apps are perhaps the most crowded sound-generating app type in any digital store. One of the best (if the word "best" can apply): Atomic Fart . It's got 30 different types of flatulent audio, a fart drum-machine, and the ability to connect to other iOS devices to "remote detonate" a toot.

2
Karaoke for Kids

Are you one of those parents who hands the iPhone off to the kids to keep them occupied? Occupy them with this torture device for your friends: it's a kids karaoke app that will have them learning classic songs like "Old MacDonald" and "If You're Happy and You Know it" and "I'm a Little Teapot." Worse, this app charges to access a lot of the songs! So perhaps the real trick is, get your friends' kids addicted to the singing so they have to make the purchases.

3
Sonic V

Just want to play a sine wave tone that will drive select people crazy? Turn up the frequency on the Sonic V app and you'll watch people cringe. It goes from 0 to 25,000 Hz in frequency with a swipe up or down. (I couldn't hear it above 14,000). If you want some more control, try Dog Whistler, meant for training your dogs with sound. But it also has a wide frequency range (80 to 22,000 Hz) plus patterns you can play to really tweak the dogs and people.

4
Ratatap Drums Free

Got rhythm? Then you might be able to make this app truly sing. If you don't, or can fake it, you can use Ratatap Drums to drive your less musically inclined friends crazy. It's got multiple drum sets, even conga drums and bongos. The harder you hit, the louder they get.

5
Ham Horn

The blast of sound from an iPhone may not be equal to an actual air horn in volume, but the shock might still knock your relatives for a loop. Ham Horn makes it simple with a tap—and adds a bunch of other great sounds like the Inception tuba blast (called "movie horn"), sad trombone, the Wihelm scream, and the ability to record your own noises.

6
Nails on Chalkboard HD!

7
The LOST Whispers

Remember when Lost used to be as big as Game of Thrones without ever having a major character get stabbed with a sword? Remember The Others on that show, always in the woods whispering as they watched? Using The LOST Whispers, you can create the same subtle, jarring, scary effect. Just keep the volume on the phone low so no one can tell where the sounds is coming from.

8
Yo.

About the Author

Eric narrowly averted a career in food service when he began in tech publishing at Ziff-Davis over 25 years ago. He was on the founding staff of Windows Sources, FamilyPC, and Access Internet Magazine (all defunct, and it's not his fault). He's the author of two novels, BETA TEST ("an unusually lighthearted apocalyptic tale"--Publishers' Weekly) an... See Full Bio

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