July 14, 2011

I woke up with a lot of thoughts running through my head. Not in a bad way, but just reflecting on how different I am. 2010 ended with me feeling like I was in labor and who knew that what I would give birth to would feel this good. So as I laid in bed early this morning, I thought about how truly happy I am. Now I've always been content and enjoyed my life, but this year I've thought less about other people and more about myself.

During these past 7 months, I've laughed more than I have in years. That gut busting, old sailor laughter when tears run from your eyes. I've eaten foods that make me dance and didn't care about how fattening it was. I've taken more chances and haven't stopped myself from doing something out of fear. Don't get me wrong, the fear is still there; I just do it afraid. Along the way, people and things around me have become clearer in this journey. I've had to say goodbye to some folk and make some tough decisions. Decisions that have been life-changing and freeing and as I sit here now the only question I have is, What took me so long to get here?

This is the most appropriate time for this "new mindset." Not sure the Pre-2011 P could have handled this power. She would have cried over some of the stuff I've done. She would made herself crazy thinking and worrying about things that are beyond her control. The thing is, I have no idea how long I will continue to have breath in my body. Why waste time wondering if this is right or wrong...

Before I would hold in stuff for the sake of other people's feelings...Now I say whatever is on my mind. If you don't like it or don't get that I'm playing with you, that's your problem.

Before I wouldn't wear mini-dresses because I hated my knees or I thought my butt was too big AND only wore neutral nail polish...Now, I've worn more short dresses this year than I have worn my entire life AND I love, love, love colors on my feet and hands. I do my nails every week and have become a color whore!!

Before I would go to bed no later than 9 p.m. because I needed to get up early for work and didn't want to be tired...Now, a sista will be out until the wee hours of the morning 3 days straight and go to work with 2 hours of sleep and still be productive and on top of my game.

I've had some experiences this year that the Pre-2011 P would have over-thought or talked herself out of. Now I really don't have any cares or worries. If at that very moment what I'm doing brings me more joy, makes me smile or feels so damn good...I go for it! No regrets...

July 11, 2011

Okay, so I'm walking to CVS this morning in a pretty good mood for a Monday after a busy weekend. I wore a dress today because its going to be hot. Got a couple compliments from some passer-byers that made me feel good because the dress stayed in the closet because I couldn't zip it once upon a time. Today, a sista even has room to breathe in it...Watch out 'der now! Working on that new mindset...

So who do I see at the end of the street smiling at me...Ike Turner. I did my best to not roll my eyes or turn the other way and avoid him. When I got closer he said, "Hello George-ous!" I then regretted ever sharing my George-isms with him, for he is not worthy. LOL! I simply said, "Hi." Mind you, I didn't stop walking. He then says, "Can you stop to talk to me for a minute?" to the back of my head because I have now passed him. I continue to walk and turn to say, "Sorry I'm in a hurry." That brothas smile disappeared. Poor thing...

I immediately tell my cousin that I just saw Ike and she asks, "Turner? Didn't he die?" I told her that was my nickname for ole boy and yes both of them died. One physically. One figuratively. LOL! I so love my life.

By the time I got back to my office, I had 7 missed called and 5 texts from Ike. *bbm straight face* Seriously!!?? The texts said: You looked really good. We should do lunch sometime. How you been? I really miss you. I really messed up. Let me make it up to you. Why oh why Ike?? He was doing so good and staying away. I have absoluetly no desire to even respond and say stop contacting me. Only question I have is for myself: What the heck were you thinking messing with that tiny, angry Black man? LMBO!!!

July 6, 2011

Sleep has been a friend that I have not had the pleasure of
spending time with lately. Last night we reconnected and had a ménage à
trois with Maxwell...it was beautiful. I woke up with a smile on my face and a
song on my heart. Just one of those days where you feel so damn good, for no
damn good reason.

To top it off, I'm driving into work
and Simply Red, "Holding Back the Years," comes on my XM radio. I'm
sure the whole DMV heard me scream YESSSS! This song right here! Classic and
timeless. So because this is my song and the words....the words....those
words...my dramatic butt was in the car singing and swaying to those horns like
someone was paying me for my performance. Then I looked over at the car next to
me and this man was singing and swaying with me. (Days like this I realize that
I'm not the only fool in the world and my craziness is validated). Interesting
enough the light was still red, so we had a good ole time. Then he yells over,
"Miss Lady you have made my day." I gave him my classic head tilt
smile and said, "Happy Hump Day!"

The truth is I can't take
all the credit. Something about this song...It's like it starts out sad, but
then in the middle you let the sadness go, and then by the end only hope
remains. So thanks to Simply Red, me and my singing partner will have a good
day on purpose.

July 5, 2011

1. A cure for all diseases, but if I had to choose one it would be HIV/AIDS.
2. That my mother lives a long, joy-filled life and only sheds tears of joy.
3. That I live to see the day when I fully understand why everything I've endured up to this very moment and everything that I have yet to overcome in my future...had to happen in order for me to have the peace that I am THIS CLOSE to experiencing.

Now, if she can take care of these 3 things...I can handle the rest ;-)

Who am I?

I'm Phyllis, a wife, crazy aunt, and lover of DIY projects, home organization, yummy food, traveling and girlie things. I blog about all of that and whatever comes with my life after the aisle. Enjoy! XOXO

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Favorite Quotes

"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you that YOU love, well…that's just fabulous." - Carrie Bradshaw, "Sex and the City"

"Imperfection is beauty; madness is genius. And it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." - Marilyn Monroe

"Don’t cry for a man who’s left you, the next one may fall for your smile.” - Mae West

Disclaimer of Liability

This blog contains the thoughts and feelings of THIS Black woman. I do not claim to speak for ALL Black women. Please do not blame them for my words or actions. I, in turn, will not blame ALL men for the words and actions of the few that may have crossed my path, some of which you will read about from time to time. The names of the individuals I speak of will be changed to protect them from future humiliation. Now, piss me off and that can change. Smooches!