Amnesia Islands

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Contents

The Amnesia Islands are an archipelago somewhere, maybe in the South Pacific but maybe not. Possibly located between Polynesia and Micronesia, Amnesia is known as The Chain Cartography Forgot. Anyone who has contact with the remote island chain slowly loses their long-term memory and often even experiences some short-term memory loss. Even those reading this now will be thankful to forget all about this remote group of islands known as The Chain Cartography Forgot. It must not be such an amazing place because everyone who has ever been has a pleasant lack of memories about their stay. They might be located between Polynesia and Micronesia. The Amnesia Islands, a rather difficult name to remember, are known as The Chain Cartography Forgot.

According to one local legend, Some God With A Really Long Name came from the sea to greet his hopeless people and said, "O, my people! Amnesia is all yours now! Make sure that you, um... Always remember to be unto um... well... Ah forget about it," and with that he did something or other, but maybe not in that order. Astonishingly there is no debate as to the veracity of this story.

The grand and noble history of the Amnesia Islands is based on the extant works of long forgotten lore. According to an authoritative historian (who understandably is of local celebrity status) the long forgotten lore at Amnesia Public Library can be found, "...somewhere in there. The fossil record shows that something must have been here. It must have really been something to behold!"

Around 5000 years ago (more or less, nobody really remembers), the Great Polynesia Migration began, as the great seafaring people sailed the windswept steppes of the South Pacific in dugout canoes. Amnesia was settled when a hardy band of Polynesian explorers became lost, and separated from the larger flotilla. They came ashore on the main island of Nohknot Atoll. Unfortunately for the stranded explorers, the rest of the main body had completely forgotten about the group. The stranded group became the first inhabitants of Amnesia, but nobody but them knew it. And it didn't take long before they didn't even know it themselves.

Europeans first came to the area in the late 18th Century. During Tasman's great voyage for the Dutch, he became the first European to view the islands. He did not believe the islands merited notation in the ship's log. Therefore, no mention is made of the chain in any of his memoirs. He had forgot all about them!

Later, during the famous 5 year voyage of Captain James T. Cook, the islands were again sighted. As he had done in Tahiti, Cook went ashore in Amnesia when he discovered that the native women had not yet invented the bra. Unfortunately, on Amnesia, the syphilis that Cook had contracted on Tahiti ran its course through his brain. As his brain cells died, he lost all recollection of his time with the lovely natives, or the bastards he fathered there. Cook's maps that he drew on the back of cocktail napkins were the only evidence of the chain's existence. Cook left the napkins behind when he was dragged away from the island chain he so lovingly called, "Paradise! I've already almost totally forgotten about old What's-Her-Name!" The famous napkins might be found at the Amnesia Public Library, nobody's sure.

Nearly two hundred years passed before the Islands gained prominence again. In her bid to fly around the world, Amelia Earhart was to make several stops in the Pacific. On of those stops was to be on Atoll Drinkawata in the Amnesia chain. Unfortunately for Earhart, as she took off from the Gilbert and Sullivan Islands, she forgot where she was supposed to go. Her navigator, Fred Noonan, in typical male fashion, refused to stop and get directions. Eventually, the plane ran out of fuel, and nothing was ever heard from the two again.

During World War II, The Japanese were conquering islands of military signifcance. Fortunatley for the Amnesians, there is no military significance in holding the Islands. Because of this backwater status, no Japanese invasion occurred, threfore there was no need for the Island-Hopping Campaign of Admiral Chester Nimitz.

The islands consist of the two main islands of Nohknot Atoll and Atoll Drinkawata. There are numerous smaller islands in the archipelago, but honestly, I don't remember them. The chain lies about 1000 miles off the coast of Australia, more or less. Did I already mention that might lie between Polynesia and Micronesia? Oh, well they might. I'll have to check. I'll have to get my reading glasses, now where did I put them? When was the last time I did any reading? And where? Wait, what were we talking about?

There's probably some wild pigs, and I'm pretty sure there's coconuts. Also some rare flowers and sea turtles which come every year to mate and the hatchlings are used as auxiallary toliet paper when palm leaves are short. A lucky but somewhat dazed visitor may encounter large monitor lizards which eat the tupikabig, a snall native deer which makes large burrows,meaning in Amneisian-speak "One semi-large deer y`know about three feet tall an` six foote' long which is good tucka' for them monitor lizards. Ya the bige' ones that Margee' spotted last year at the Yam Harvest. You don't `membar Margee' do ya? Oh nice gal an all a little crocidilly' looking but with them whitish teeth? You shure' you dunno' her? Oh! really nice gall! Like ta' call Margee' Sismpson? Ya' don't know the Simspons well lemme tell ya..."

The Islands are a sovereign nation with a democratically elected Parliament. The current Prime Minister is Jimmy Superfly Snuka, remember? He was a wrestler back in the '80s! The capital is located somewhere on Nohknot Atoll. Recently, Snuuka's campaign to increase tourism to the Islands bore fruit when the Islands became the location for the telvision drama Lost

Much of the economy of the Amnesias depends on tourists looking to forget about their worries for a spell. This leads to an ever increasing population of immigrants as those who come for just a short visit always end up missing their return planes. Those that eventually wander back onto one airline or another going someplace always have trouble at the customs and passport control of other nations. It seems they can't sufficiently answer the questions, "Do you have anything to declare?" nor "What is the purpose of your travel?" and are consequently sent back to the Amnesia Islands.

On the whole, the economy of Amnesia Atoll never exceeds that of seeker/gatherer because the inhabitants keep forgetting where they put their wallets.

Similar problems have occurred in the automotive industry because nobody can remember where they parked their car. At local board meetings, there are many who absentmindedly speculate that this is because nobody can ever remember actually ever purchasing a car, although it seems like such a good idea that somebody must have purchased one sometime ago.

For a thorough understanding of the transportation networds in the Amnesia Islands, watch Sesame Street.

Public transportation is ideal in the Amnesias. In most nations it would be problematic if the bus drivers perpetually forgot their routes and timetables but this is not a problem for the Isles of Amnesia as the passengers are happy to exit the buses just about anywhere and just about anytime, getting where they might have needed to be at exactly when they might have needed to be there.