Thursday, 12 February 2015

And it came to pass at the Press call for the Quarter Year Results that Michael did step forward. A host of money changers did follow him, and beseeched him to show whereof the results. Saying 'Yeh oh great turn-round-prophet how doth the company do?' Then Michael said unto his Finance Disciple ‘Where are we to find the readies to keep this crowd off our backs?’ He said this to test him, for he himself knew what he was going to do. The Disciple answered, ‘Six months' wages would not buy enough for each of them to satisfy a little.’ One of his other disciples, said to him, ‘There is a subsidiary here and there which if we were to squeeze hard and remove the lazy ones and also sell the tents in the market place, would yield much gelt.’ Michael said, ‘Make the money-changers sit down.’ Now there was a great deal of comfortable seating; so they sat down, about five thousand in all. Then Michael received the finance numbers, and when he had given thanks, he distributed them to those who were seated; as much as they wanted.

When they were satisfied, he told his disciples, ‘We got away with that for another quarter – let us split post haste before someone asks a smart question.’ And so the meeting did close.

When the markets saw what that he had done, they began to say, ‘This is indeed a miracle for from a shrinking company he has wrought much good results.' Yet even so, on the next day the stock price fell – unto like a donkey in a well - and there was a wailing and gnashing of teeth on Wall Street.