I Don’t Wanna…

OK, so I had signed up for the 2010 Silicon Valley Marathon, as I had nothing better to do with my time. Subsequently, I started training. The problem: It was harder than it was last year. Worse, yet – I just didn’t care as much as I did, before. But me being me, I kept at it. After all, I had paid $85 (or whatever) and told everyone I was going to do it, so I had to, right?

Apparently not. After feelings of misgivings and generally not giving a shit, I confessed to two different women in my life – both very important in their own way – about what was going on in my head. The short of it was that, while I still enjoy running, I just don’t feel like doing another marathon. So they told me – get this – not to run it. Actually, that’s not entirely true: They asked me why was I still trying, then?

It was a good question, actually. Ego, for one, was my first reason. I told folks I was going to do it. ..and…well – that’s the only real reason. Everything else has been signaling negative. I mean, I like the sense of pride I get after I run 15 miles, but that feeling is diminished by the general shitty feeling (tired, fatigue) I get after running 11.2 more of them after that.

I guess, I felt I’d be a failure because I tried and then stopped. It was something to identify with. To wit:

Someone else: “What did you do, yesterday?”

Me: ” Well, I’m currently training for a Marathon, so I ran 19 miles.”

Someone else: ” Holy shit.”

So letting that go is a difficult thing for me. Mind you, this does not even take in to account the fact that I had already run the fucking thing a year earlier. I have the shirt. The medal is on a shelf above my bed. I can still do an easy 1/2 marathon, while others are still smoking in bed, for fuck sake!

Upon learning that I have a general ache in my left Achilles after I run, one woman told me that was a sign that my body thinks I should back off a bit. True, perhaps, but that does not gibe with my wide open throttle way of doing things. The other woman told me that “your body tells you all you need to know; ignore it at your own peril”. She also reiterated the importance of being able to do things like walk after 50, and that there is benefits to not tearing out my knees, ankles and hips in the process. Another true point as the knees are starting to ache a wee bit.

In the end, I’ve decided to hang it up. It didn’t bother me as much as I thought. I can still run, and I still enjoy running up to 1/2 marathons. Further, my circle of friends that are runners would completely understand – in fact, most of them that have run 1 or 2 marathons have sworn off of them and now stick to 13.2 or less. An added benefit is that now, instead of slogging through training runs, I can go do trail runs (8 to 12 K or so) without having to sweat my training schedule. Further, I can participate in shorter runs that my friends are going to be doing (I could not, originally, as these fell on my long distance training days).

Now – does this mean that I’ll never run a marathon again? Well, I believe in the phrase “Never say never”, so no, it does not. It will just take me some time to get back to that place where I want to do it…and that time is not now.

Another thing I’m giving up: Swimming. It was good, but I just don’t feel like doing it.

Besides…I’d rather be running.

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Summary of Experience

Mr. Tolbert has ten years of experience in the gases and chemicals industry. During this time, he has led operations teams in high tech and industrial manufacturing environments. His experience includes safety management, emergency response participation, and participating in risk assessments. Additionally, he has led incident investigations, tracked and implemented corrective actions as well as developed and delivered technical and safety training.