12 Things Guys Wish You Knew in Bed

Men are bad multitaskers, so don’t make us profess our feelings for you and have sex at the same time. You won’t be getting the best we have to give on either score.

A porn director lives in your guy’s head, telling him that he has to last for hours on end. It’s your job to give him a slightly more realistic time frame.

While we’re on the subject, the only thing porn girls have over you is a willingness to have their fun bits examined in good light. You can do that.

Oh wait, the other thing that porn girls have is they’re happy with whatever men do to them in bed. Don’t be that happy; it would make you a little insane. Simply be normal happy and express the joy you’re experiencing—that will help us understand what you want more of.

It’s not your job to deal with every erection he gets, but it would be nice if you were delighted by each one. Take a cue from an ex-girlfriend who would start every day by playing with my man parts—just enough to tease me awake. She was like an alarm clock…the world’s best alarm clock. Steal her signature move or invent one of your own.

Sometimes, of course, his erection will go south. When that happens, don’t tell him, “Aww, it’s OK.” No guy wants you pitying his privates. Instead, give him a foot rub or a nice back massage—anything to let him know that his (currently out-of-commission) penis isn’t going to get in the way of your commitment to loving the rest of his body.

In a blindfolded test, most men would prefer a hand job to oral sex. So give your jaw a rest, grab a bottle of something lubricating and trot out a talent that’s probably gotten rusty since high school.

Letting him watch you masturbate will markedly improve his oral sex skills. Early on, a girlfriend told me exactly how she wanted me to go down on her, but it wasn’t until she showed me what she did with her own hands that I really caught on. Which is why his asking you to play with yourself isn’t for him; it’s for you. See, turns out your guy’s a philanthropist.

Transcript of his thoughts while he’s having sex with you: “Is she OK? Is she OK now? What about now? Short breath! What’s that sound mean?!…Deep breath. Oh no, I’m finishing! Is she OK with that? What about now?” Now you know.

Tell him, “I love the look on your face when you orgasm.” And while you’re at it, decide that you actually do. You can’t change it, so embrace it.

If you would like your body to seem cuter to him, use it to have sex with him more. It’s up to you: How cute do you want to be?

You don’t have to be every woman in the world for him—that’s what his very active imagination is for. (Also, unless you’re dating a meganarcissist, he knows that he’s not every man for you.)