Ask Loser Domi!

Can Also be Read at...

Just sayin'...

the works here are entirely FICTION and/or my own opinion and are written primarily for my own enjoyment. I hope you enjoy them as well, but if you don't, I won't be losing any sleep at night. Feel free to hit me up at loserdomi@gmail.com (or any post's comments sections) with suggestions, ideas, etc. Thanks for reading!

Dearest Andrew,Ok, so here's my idea to make you a better goalie. Other people are going to tell you stuff like "work harder on reflexes" or "suck on a tailpipe", but that's not the kind of advice that you'll follow. What I want to do is offer you the advice that you'll actually follow. This is the kind of advice that's easy to do and will get the promised results.

Here's my thinking: there are all sorts of rules regarding the equipment--how big leg pads can be and whatnot. There is one thing that the NHL can't regulate: the size of your ass. That's right--there are no rules regarding goalie ass size.

Therefore, I propose that you eat lots of donuts. (Image of Homer stolen from here)

Yep, lots and lots of donuts. As in, enough to make you look like one of those rap guys' girlfriends.(Note: google image searching for "Baby got back" is REALLY recommended against, even with the safe search on.) Come on, I know you can do it well--donuts are delicious. Eating lots of them will make your ass grow in size. With a larger butt, you might be able to stop some more pucks. It seems logical to me. To quote the immortal Homer Simpson on the left: "Donuts--is there anything they can't do?"