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Saturday, April 28, 2012

The Revenge of Women

I
am telling you, guys, there is a conspiracy against us. Wake up soon or you
will suffer for the rest of your lives. I know! I know! You guys think it is
all a paranoid fantasy. Let me put the evidence in front of you and, then, see
if you think whether it is I who am fantasizing or it is you who are living in
a fool’s paradise.

Let
us take the movies first. Time was when the hero just sat in front of the
harmonium and it was the heroine doing all the dancing. A wee bit later, the
hero had to strike majestic poses while the heroine danced all around him. A
bit of PT exercises became necessary thereafter. Now do you really think that
the hero can just flap his arms around and be considered a great dancer? Not on
your life!

So,
what has that got to do with what I am saying? Look! There are more women in
media and, presto, the hero has to have great dancing skills. Coincidence?
Don’t be naïve! You think that it is the movies and has nothing to do with you?
Well! When was the last time you found some guy wind-milling his arms and
jerking his feet around when the mood took him and found the girls drooling all
over him? If you need a Hrithik Roshan in reel life, you need a Salsa class in
real life. Get that through your thick heads!

Ever
wondered why you suddenly have started to go to the gym and found yourself
looking anxiously at your belly to see if you can spot any signs of a six-pack?
Could you have caught your dad doing it? More likely that he was patting a
well-padded belly fondly and the only six-pack that interested him was beer! So
what, the generation gap has substituted a fondness for beer with a fondness
for treadmills? Nonsense! If you say that you will also say that you actually
enjoy the process of waxing your body to remove hair! Guys, get real!

The
previous generation had the best of life. A bit of hair oil and shaving cream
about summed up their cosmetic needs! Now you can’t do without styling gels for
hair and a whole cornucopia of shaving accessories. If all the girls will run
after the man with the best deo what would that leave you holding? So, there
you go, having to de-odor yourself. Time was when a tanned skin was macho.
Today they tell you to use a fairness cream for men instead of one for women
when you had not thought of using either.

Guys!
Arise! Awake! Women are avenging themselves against us for all the eons when
they were put in a position of having to maintain themselves good-looking while
we went our way merrily. If you do not take a stand now, you will never be able
to make it. By the time you find yourself using ‘Veet for Men’ in the bathroom,
with your wife loudly complaining outside about how long men take to get ready
for an outing, it will be too late!

LOL bt true. Movies are not just reels, but they are real. I remember my dad angry with me for being clean shaved and I asked him, why were your moustaches so thin when yo were young? Wasn't it the trend then and didn't heroes put it that way? What happened to me after that is another story :PTowers and Shadows

Absolutely! We suffered too long and so viola enters the concept of metrosexual man. Now suffer. If only we could find some way to make the men bear babies. Now that would be the ultimate revenge, won't you agree? :)

Strange. I wonder how come I missed this post. Yeah men do need to bother about their appearances these days - Moms don't get you wives anymore - you need to go out into the wild (I mean pubs and bars) and display your plumes and mane to attract your mate like the rest of the animal kingdom.

Swami SureshAnanda!! I think it is already too late--I checked the date on the post and have to admit your divination skills are bang on--prophetic you are, Swami! There are times when I reminisce and get back to reality that I have to pinch and tell myself that I am not in a parallel universe or in an augmented (demented) alternate reality. Beautifully written, Suresh.