August 3, 2017

Sometimes it takes the hard times to really define you – to reveal the inner you. I’ve gone through a post I’ve made back in 2007 and I think to myself, “Wow, what a dumbass”. The thing is, I really felt that way back then and that was my outlet.. THIS was my outlet. I had a girlfriend that was younger, aggressive and well, wild back then – I honestly did not know what to expect, but I knew one thing.. it was an experience I wouldn’t forget. I knew I never wanted to be like that ever again – so I changed. Even more when I became a husband, a father. Sure, I still sway once in a while – but never get out of that awareness into how you are and how you are treating others.

Few days ago I fell sick, today – with a bunch of chemicals (medicine) in my body. This type of music is what I completely need. The healing type, the ones that slow down your mind and help slowly heal yourself. I need this to recover, and I’ll give time. Sure, I feel awesome when I’m fully healthy and fit and all – but when I’m down and sick; that’s the time to calm down and reflect and think – heal.

She is bright lights and cityscapes
And white lies and cavalcades
And she’ll take all you ever have
But I’m gonna love you
You say maybe it’ll last this time
But I’m gonna love you
You never have to ask
I’m gonna love you
‘Til you start looking back
I’m gonna love you
So right
I wouldn’t need a second chance

Hold my breath and I’ll count to ten
I’m the paper and you’re the pen
You fill me in and you are permanent
And you’ll leave me to dry
I’m the writer and she’s the muse
And the one that you always choose
She will falter and gift her blame
And it starts all over again
Again again again

She is bright lights and cityscapes
And white lies and cavalcades
And she’ll take all you ever have
But I’m gonna love you
You say maybe it’ll last this time
But I’m gonna love you
You never have to ask
I’m gonna love you
‘Til you start looking back
I’m gonna love you
So right
I wouldn’t need a second chance

Shield your eyes from the truth at hand
Tell me why it’ll be good again
All those demons are closing in
And I don’t want you to burn
Nevermind what I said before
I don’t want any less anymore
You are carbon and I am flame
I will rise and you will
Remain

For bright lights and cityscapes
And landslides and masquerades
And she’ll take all you ever have
But I’m gonna love you
You say, “Maybe it’ll last this time”
But I’m gonna love you
You never have to ask
I’m gonna love you
‘Til you start looking back
I wouldn’t need a second chance
I wouldn’t need a second chance
I wouldn’t need a second chance
I wouldn’t need a second chance

August 2, 2017

I’m pretty sure a lot of people here in Malaysia never heard of Logic, but since I’m such a huge Alessia Cara fan; I heard this track and fell in love with it. I’m pretty sure most people could relate, especially when things get hard – but often times we don’t come into awareness of it.

Emotions, being “fake” and all that – it’s not gonna help your life. Live life transparently and Love Living.

I don’t think I’ll ever know how Chester Bennington or Robin Williams felt when they ended their life, but these are artists who I simply can’t get enough of their work. In a way, I’m worried if I like them so much, would I eventually get to a state of mind like theirs?

The thing is though – they’re living the fast lane. Especially in this day of age when everything flies by so quickly and expected of you. I do appreciate having the slow but manageable life here, but I’m sure it’ll get tougher – I guess that’s why we build ourselves up and keep that toughness in us all.

It’s the very first breath
When your head’s been drowning underwater
And it’s the lightness in the air
When you’re there
Chest to chest with a lover
It’s holding on, though the road’s long
And seeing light in the darkest things
And when you stare at your reflection
Finally knowing who it is
I know that you’ll thank God you did

[Pre-Chorus: Logic]
I’ve been on the low
I been taking my time
I feel like I’m out of my mind
It feel like my life ain’t mine
Who can relate?
I’ve been on the low
I been taking my time
I feel like I’m out of my mind
It feel like my life ain’t mine

[Chorus: Logic]
I don’t wanna be alive
I don’t wanna be alive
I just wanna die today
I just wanna die
I don’t wanna be alive
I don’t wanna be alive
I just wanna die
And let me tell you why

[Verse 1: Logic]
All this other shit I’m talkin’ ’bout they think they know it
I’ve been praying for somebody to save me, no one’s heroic
And my life don’t even matter
I know it I know it I know I’m hurting deep down but can’t show it
I never had a place to call my own
I never had a home
Ain’t nobody callin’ my phone
Where you been? Where you at? What’s on your mind?
They say every life precious but nobody care about mine

[Pre-Chorus: Logic]
I’ve been on the low
I been taking my time
I feel like I’m out of my mind
It feel like my life ain’t mine
Who can relate?
I’ve been on the low
I been taking my time
I feel like I’m out of my mind
It feel like my life ain’t mine

[Chorus: Logic]
I want you to be alive
I want you to be alive
You don’t gotta die today
You don’t gotta die
I want you to be alive
I want you to be alive
You don’t gotta die
Now lemme tell you why

[Verse 2: Alessia Cara]
It’s the very first breath
When your head’s been drowning underwater
And it’s the lightness in the air
When you’re there
Chest to chest with a lover
It’s holding on, though the road’s long
And seeing light in the darkest things
And when you stare at your reflection
Finally knowing who it is
I know that you’ll thank God you did

[Verse 3: Logic]
I know where you been, where you are, where you goin’
I know you’re the reason I believe in life
What’s the day without a little night?
I’m just tryna shed a little light
It can be hard
It can be so hard
But you gotta live right now
You got everything to give right now

[Pre-Chorus: Logic]
I’ve been on the low
I been taking my time
I feel like I’m out of my mind
It feel like my life ain’t mine
Who can relate?
I’ve been on the low
I been taking my time
I feel like I’m out of my mind
It feel like my life ain’t mine

[Chorus: Logic]
I finally wanna be alive
I finally wanna be alive
I don’t wanna die today
I don’t wanna die
I finally wanna be alive
I finally wanna be alive
I don’t wanna die
I don’t wanna die

[Outro: Khalid]
Pain don’t hurt the same, I know
The lane I travel feels alone
But I’m moving ’til my legs give out
And I see my tears melt in the snow
But I don’t wanna cry
I don’t wanna cry anymore
I wanna feel alive
I don’t even wanna die anymore
Oh I don’t wanna
I don’t wanna
I don’t even wanna die anymore

I don’t like my mind right now
Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary
Wish that I could slow things down
I wanna let go but there’s comfort in the panic
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything’s about me
Yeah, I drive myself crazy
‘Cause I can’t escape the gravity

[Verse 1: Chester Bennington]
I don’t like my mind right now
Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary
Wish that I could slow things down
I wanna let go but there’s comfort in the panic
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything’s about me
Yeah, I drive myself crazy
‘Cause I can’t escape the gravity

[Chorus: Chester Bennington & Kiiara]
I’m holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I just let go, I’d be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?

[Verse 2: Kiiara]
You say that I’m paranoid
But I’m pretty sure the world is out to get me
It’s not like I make the choice
To let my mind stay so fucking messy
I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning ’round me just the same
I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning ’round me just the same

[Chorus: Kiiara]
I’m holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I just let go, I’d be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?

[Bridge: Chester Bennington & Kiiara]
I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning ’round me just the same
I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning ’round me just the same
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything’s about me

[Chorus: Chester Bennington & Kiiara]
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I just let go, I’d be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Why is everything so heavy?
Why is everything so heavy?

Yeah, I know.. I know.. I’m annoying, this song is annoying – seriously, have you given thought to how annoying you could be as well labeling me or my posts as annoying too? Here’s the thing, I grown up somewhat an outcast.

I don’t have close friends who would be there for me when I die, but I have a great family and I believe I’ve built a good family for myself as well alongside my wife. It’s been a tough time growing up, but I don’t think I could’ve done any better looking at how my life turned out so far.

I do enjoy a good negative song, and I’m guessing you could include this track as a negative one; because despite it sounding so happy or positive, it really is a song of resistance. The resistance of the emotion of love. I know how it feels like and let me tell you, those girls who think this way – instead of that usual fairytale princessy type, are the ones who will be there for you throughout.

I could be wrong, but never completely and I guess that’s probably the best part.

It’s been a long while since I’ve posted – I haven’t had much sad emotions lately, and not that I’m going through it now.. but I felt like I needed to write something here seeing that it’s been a long time since the last negative post got posted.Some nerve you have
To break up my lonely
And tell me you want me
How dare you march into my heart
Oh how rude of you
To ruin my miserable
And tell me I’m beautiful
Cause I wasn’t looking for love no
Nobody asked you to get me attached to you
In fact you tricked me
And I wasn’t trying to fall in love but boy you pushed me
So all that I’m asking
Is that you handle me with caution
Cause I don’t give myself often
But I guess I’ll try today

I’m mad at you
For being so cute
And changing my mood
And altering my rude
What’s wrong with you
You make me sick for being so perfect
What did I do
What can I do, ohh
And I wasn’t trying
To melt this heart of iron
But the way you hold me makes the old me pass away
And I would be lying
If I said I wasn’t scared to fall again
But if you promise me you’ll catch me
Then it’s okay

[Verse 1]
Some nerve you have
To break up my lonely
And tell me you want me
How dare you march into my heart
Oh how rude of you
To ruin my miserable
And tell me I’m beautiful
Cause I wasn’t looking for love no
Nobody asked you to get me attached to you
In fact you tricked me
And I wasn’t trying to fall in love but boy you pushed me
So all that I’m asking
Is that you handle me with caution
Cause I don’t give myself often
But I guess I’ll try today

[Chorus]
Cause I’ve had my heart
Broken before
And I promised I would never let me hurt anymore
But I tore down my walls
And opened my doors
And made room for one
So baby I’m yours
Oh baby I’m yours
Oh baby I’m yours
Oh baby I’m yours
Oh baby I’m yours
But I tore down my walls
And opened my doors
And made room for one
So baby I’m yours

[Verse 2]
I’m mad at you
For being so cute
And changing my mood
And altering my rude
What’s wrong with you
You make me sick for being so perfect
What did I do
What can I do, ohh
And I wasn’t trying
To melt this heart of iron
But the way you hold me makes the old me pass away
And I would be lying
If I said I wasn’t scared to fall again
But if you promise me you’ll catch me
Then it’s okay

[Chorus]
Cause I’ve had my heart
Broken before
And I promised I would never let me hurt anymore
But I tore down my walls
And opened my doors
And made room for one
So baby I’m yours
Oh baby I’m yours
Oh baby I’m yours
Oh baby I’m yours
Oh baby I’m yours
But I tore down my walls
And opened my doors
And made room for one
So baby I’m yours

[Bridge]
Oh I hate that I
Spend my days just wasting time day dreaming til I see you again
I’m not used to this
Oh I used to be so used to boys just using me
For you to be you to me
Feels new to me
Cause I usually cheer for the bad side
Love under a bad sign
So it makes me mad I’m
Falling again
Falling again

[Chorus]
But I tore down my walls
And opened my doors
And made room for one
So baby I’m yours
Oh baby I’m yours
Oh baby I’m yours
Oh baby I’m yours
Oh baby I’m yours
But I tore down my walls
And opened my doors
And made room for one
So baby I’m yours
Oh baby I’m yours

November 4, 2016

I knew I loved you then
But you’d never know
Cause I played it cool when I was
Scared of letting go
I knew I needed you
But I never showed
I wanna stay with you
Until we’re grey and old
Just say you won’t let go
Just say you won’t let go

[James Arthur]
I met you in the dark
You lit me up…
You made me feel as though
I was enough…

We danced the night away
We drank too much
I held your hair back when
You were throwing up

Then you smiled over your shoulder
For a minute, I was stone cold sober
I pulled you closer to my chest
And you asked me, to stay over
I said, I already told ya
I think that you should get some rest

I knew I loved you then
But you’d never know
Cause I played it cool when I was
Scared of letting go
I knew I needed you
But I never showed
I wanna stay with you
Until we’re grey and old
Just say you won’t let go
Just say you won’t let go

I’ll bring you coffee with
A kiss on your head
I’ll take the kids to school
Wave them goodby
I thank my lucky stars for that night

When you looked over your shoulder
For a minute, I forget that I’m older
I wanna dance with you right now
You looked as beautiful as ever
And everyday you get a little better
You make me feel this way somehow

Cause I’m gonna love you till
My lungs give out
I promise till death we part
Like in our vows
Yeah, we’ve come so far my dear
Look how we’ve grown
And I wanna stay with you
Until we’re grey and old
Just say you won’t let go
Just say you won’t let go

Just say you won’t let go
Oh, Just say you won’t, say you won’t, say you won’t
Say you won’t, say you won’t let go
Just say you won’t let go
Just say you won’t let go
Just say you won’t let go

October 26, 2016

The best part about listening to new music is when you discovered one that “speaks/sings” to you. This track resonates very well with me in terms of the lyrics and the rhythm. Hard times are when you realize who is your true friends, and it certainly speaks likewise. It really does mean a lot when you have someone by/on your side.

Life isn’t pretty we all get a little wrecked sometimes
If God’s listening, people think you’re out of your mind
Even if you believe it
Through all the hard times
I’m on your side
On your side
I’m on your side
On your side

If we knew then what we do now
We’d hold our hands and take a bow
Together we would stand our ground
And fight

I remember the night we got drunk
I got sick on the subway
With your hands on my face
Said “It don’t matter babe
‘Cause I’m always on your side”

Life isn’t pretty we all get a little wrecked sometimes
If God’s listening, people think you’re out of your mind
Even if you believe it
Through all the hard times
I’m on your side
On your side
I’m on your side
On your side

I still wear your t-shirt out
All the ink is faded now
I wonder who you’re dreaming of
Tonight

I remember the night
When you packed all your bags in the doorway
Said, “I don’t wanna fight
You can leave, but remember
I’m always on your side”

Life isn’t pretty we all get a little wrecked sometimes
If God’s listening, people think you’re out of your mind
Even if you believe it
Through all the hard times
I’m on your side
On your side
I’m on your side
On your side

On your side
Life isn’t pretty we all get a little wrecked sometimes
If God’s listening, people think you’re out of your mind
Even if you believe it
Through all the hard times
I’m on your side

October 12, 2016

Tomorrow I’ll be on a company trip to Tokyo. As I take my old camera’s SD card, I stumbled upon me and my wife’s vacation photos back in 2013 – when she was pregnant. You know how it takes 3 years to suddenly have flash back thinking, “Wait, this happened? Oh yeah, my kid is 3 years plus.. I guess it must be true.”. Seriously, these days I think to myself how I loathe travelling, but flying to another country is exactly the kind of things that would bring the glow to my wife. It strucks a memory and an awareness cord.. thinking “Honestly though, who would I be without you?”. I guess it’s phases of our lives when we look back and realize things. Of course, music like this helps to evoke the emotion as well. Sometimes music just like a friend, extending his/her hand sayin’ “Come on.. let’s go”. Oyasumi.

Tell me who, who would I be without you?
No matter how much we lose
Every time I bet my life on you

I used to hear the voices through the thin walls
Tension building up and I’d feel so small
Some nights I’d hide under the pillows ’cause I didn’t know what else to do
Started singing just to get some attention
A melody to cut through the addiction
And every song I made turned into wishes
Some of them came true

Everyone rises, everyone falls
Everyone spends some nights alone
Rich or for poor
I’m always yours
You never left me on my own

Tell me who, who would I be without you?
No matter how much we lose
Every time I bet my life on you

We were never rich not even thousands
Mom was on her knees cleaning houses
I used to go to work with her some days
And dream and dance in the big hallways

Everyone’s scared, everyone’s scarred
Everyone spends some nights alone
But every high, every low
You never left me on my own

Tell me who, who would I be without you?
No matter how much we lose
Every time I bet my life on you

Tell me who, would I be without you?
Nothing I’d rather do
Every night I bet my life on you
Who would I be without you?

Went on the road to make my daddy proud
But I lost him and then I sang to the crowd
My only hope is that he’s looking down thinking
“Oh my God, my daughter’s doing it now”

Tell me who, who would I be without you?
No matter how much we lose
Every time I bet my life on you

Tell me who, would I be without you?
Nothing I’d rather do
Every night I bet my life on you
Who would I be without you?

September 21, 2016

A quick apology for the profanity in this post first hand, but great music from great artists like this needs to be shared. There are days when we get addicted to something bad, something that makes you want it all the time. When you get over the addiction, you battle your way through it with hate – mainly because you love something else even more than that. This track expresses that emotion very very well, and probably might make you feel good too. As I said, there’s profanity – so if you can’t handle the F word, please navigate away. Yet, there’s a YouTube comment that states – “f**k you has never been used so beautifully﻿”. This is for those I have to HATE to protect those I LOVE.

I can’t explain the way I feel inside
Maybe because it’s I’m through
Yeah, you heard it
I’m gonna light you up
So I light you up
You can’t admit your poison
Go run and hide
Fuck you
Yeah, you heard it
I’m gonna light you up

I’m never gonna give up
Remember what abuse did
It’s time you look at facing
As if you were in anyway understood

It always lowered me to downsize
It always lowered my faith
But it’s in the corner rising next to me
It’s in the corner like it upstage

I can’t explain the way I feel inside
Maybe because it’s I’m through
Yeah, you heard it
I’m gonna light you up
So I light you up
You can’t admit your poison
Go run and hide
Fuck you
Yeah, you heard it
I’m gonna light you up

I said I wouldn’t fail you
It’s something sorry couldn’t sell you
A slow rain, a time bomb
Disconnect it won’t erase what I’d done wrong

In no way is it worth
Losing everything I am including these words
Your heart in my hands
I’m sick as all my secrets that’s why this hurts

I can’t explain the way I feel inside
Maybe because it’s I’m through
Yeah, you heard it
So I light you up
You can’t admit your poison
Go run and hide
Fuck you
Yeah, you heard it
I’m gonna light you up

‘Cause they’ll put me in the crazy house
And it put me in the crazy farm
And I’m never gonna get back out
I’m never ever gonna treat you wrong
Get down to the earth and the people
Get down to the earth in your bed
That’s where I’m gonna go
And where I’ll never go
When I’m in my motherfucking head.

So tell your mom, tell your dad, tell your family
That I’m beyond the unreasonable sinking ship
You see I never took the time
Never took the time
Never took the time
To learn all about these things you call a relationship

I can’t explain the way I feel inside
Maybe because it’s
Fuck you
Yeah, you heard it
So I light you up
You can’t admit your poison
Go run and hide
I’m through
Yeah, you heard it
I’m gonna light you up

September 2, 2016

Days of watching Evanescence haunts me yet again. I’ve never felt this energy, and I like it. I can’t stay back down. Even if I have to do this alone, I will.

I’m alone, I’m not lonely
I can’t let you in
I feel like choking then holding
You’re breaking the skin
This isn’t hope that I’m holding
No love you can give
Not lonely, I’ve chosen
To bleed here again and again

You’re a book, you’re a photograph
You’re a plaque on the wall or a knickknack haiku
You’re the voice of a guilty man who doesn’t call your name
Until he needs to be lied to
Call me vicious, cast your stones on me
You’re the death of a million men
You’re the face we defend with a patient virtue
You’re the judge of when a life should end
Or when a war begins, you’re such a perfect statue

You wear your necklace like you wear your noose
You fear your comfort anyway you choose
But I’m not like you!

I’m alone, I’m not lonely
I can’t let you in
I feel like choking then holding
You’re breaking the skin
This isn’t hope that I’m holding
No love you can give
Not lonely, I’ve chosen
To bleed here again and again

Now I wake up to the sound of the mourning
I feel infection
Eyes shut to the absent heartbeat
Too late to question
Will you surrender or will you lose
I love the way you blur your vision, I feel your passion
Never give up until the path you’re living finds your intention

Call me evil cause I’m not like you
You fear your comfort anyway you choose
But I’m not like you!

I’m alone, I’m not lonely
I can’t let you in
I feel like choking then holding
You’re breaking the skin
This isn’t hope that I’m holding
No love you can give
Not lonely, I’ve chosen
To bleed here again and again

One man buys the life
That someone controls the night
He died…

I’m alone, I’m not lonely
I can’t let you in
I feel like choking then holding
You’re breaking the skin
This isn’t hope that I’m holding
No love you can give
Not lonely, I’ve chosen
To bleed here again and again