UKIP leader Nigel Farage denies Transylvanian origins

UKIP leader Nigel Farage has vehemently denied any ancestral link with Transylvania following speculative investigations by researchers from the TV series Who Do You Think You Are?

The claims arose after the researchers discovered the MP’s familial ties to the Romanian town of Fãgãras in the mountainous Brasov region, famous for its connections with blood thirsty ruler Vlad the Impaler. “We knew we were on to something after one of us also stumbled upon the reference to the name in Bram Stoker’s novel, Dracula,” said TV researcher, Sheila Donahue. "We were hoping to extract DNA from Mr Farage but have been advised by experts that it is likely to contain more than one blood group. Which is a bit of a relief as we are all shit scared of him."

In a press conference Mr Farage said. “Any connection between me and former fifteenth century despotic rulers is purely coincidental. If anything my surname has French origins, which proves that nobody is perfect... Take that fucking crucifix off.“

He also denied claims that UKIP is a corruption of the Romanian town of Urik.

“I have never visited Urik or anywhere else in Romania and I have never been acquainted with any Romanians, and that’s how I want it to stay. So I’ll definitely be putting a stop to any Romanian who is looking for a reunion or a free check up on the NHS.... Which of you bastards has been eating garlic?”

Speaking after the Party’s second place result in the Eastleigh by-election the triumphant UKIP leader then climbed into his black stage coach for a victory tour of the town. He then left for "a long rest" at his holiday home in Whitby.

There was embarrassment from UKIP, however, when a close reading of their strict anti-immigration policy revealed an exception for east Europeans travelling in crates "filled with the soil of their homeland".