Sunday, December 24, 2006

A Hockey Rants Christmas

By Gőlbez

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the mansionNot a Bettman was stirring, plotting expansion;The stockings were hung by the penalty box with careIn the hopes that they would be filled with George Parros’ hair.

Joe Thornton was nestled all snug in his bedWhile visions of Sudafed danced in his head.And Rolston in his ‘kerchief, and Walz in his capHad just settled down and started playing the trap,

When out on the ice arose such a clatter...Could it be that Jeff O’Neill possibly got fatter?Away to ice, JFJ went like a flash,and said “I can’t believe I paid 2 milion for this trash”

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,But a $5 hot dog and an $8 beer.And a zamboni; the driver must be a tweak!I knew in a moment, it must be Malik!

More rapid than eagles his defenders they came,And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;"Now, Prucha! now, Jagr! now, Straka and Shanny!On, ! on Cullen! on, Hossa and Blair Betts!"

"To the top of the circle, and out to the blueline!Shoot the puck in the stands, and hit that ass Federline"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,They couldn’t stop Ray Whitney, not matter how hard they might try.

So up to the press box, the coursers they flew,With the sleigh full of pucks, and his Malikness too.He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,and muttered to himself “Why is Bill Saskin such a jerk?”

And laying his finger aside of his nose,He danced to N’Sync and struck a strange poseHe sprang to his zamboni, to his team gave a whistle,and play was stopped, before Demitra launched his missle..

But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good fight!."

That was the cheesiest blog article I have ever read. That is embarrising that you have enough time to write a hockey poem; what's next, you rewrite the words to a song to include hockey players names. The funniest part is your three superfans in the comment section say it is the greatest thing they have ever read only to stick their head a good foot more up your ass. You are a horrendus writer. Period.