help! not sure which sleep training method to use.

Hi there Would be great to get some tips on sleep training. Have avoided it as could not bear to leave DS to cry even for one minute ( he is 1 year old in a fortnight ).

But as a family we have reached breaking point. DH and i are sleep deprived, often argue and i am at my wits end.

Here are the issues:

we still have to rock DS to sleep and if he wakes up too upset. He's waytoo heavy and it can take a good while before we can put him down.

He wakes frequently throughout our evening, sometimes 3-8 times. He sometimes settles himself but sometimes his cry turns into a long one and we know he needs us as he sounds very upset so we havevto go in and rock him back again. Sometimes this is easy but sometimes he fights us and takes a while to get comfy in our arms, arches back etc.

So i want to solve this but not sure whether to use PUPD method, gradual withdrawal or return and check. Am also considering cc but not sure i have the heart and have heard horrid stories on here of vomiting babies nd ear drums bursting!!!

Please help, i just need to change something as we can't leave it any longer. I know different babies respond to different things but I'm so confused by all the methods ........

Would love to hear some success stories of those who had similar issues as mine above.

As a rough rule, it's how much you want to let them cry vs. how quickly you want it to work/least effort for you.

Personally I think PUPD is a bit confusing for the baby being constantly picked up and put down and that gradual withdrawal (or even just staying with them while they cry in their cot) is a reasonable compromise, but it really depends on your personal opinions and how desperate you are!

It's worth being aware that each night might not be a strict improvement on the previous one. You'll probably see some significant improvement in the first week, but it might take longer before they are sleeping through.

Thanks Corinthian .....yes i also think PUPD would drive our little one insane and to be honest would kill my back. I also think that staying in the room would also be too frustrating for him and stressful for me. So after discussions with DH have decided to do cc method as we have no choice really. Was against it but we cannot continue.

Hiya, I think at a year I would go for cc too. Pupd would need to be just lay down as presumably your ds can pull himself up to standing. Cc would probably be the least confusing for all concerned. A good tip though is to learn to distinguish a 'settling' cry from an 'I need you' one. Dd stil had a (loud!) cry that was more of a moan that she made when trying to get herself to sleep. It became a scream when she wanted us (normally trapped wind!). Don't go in if they are trying to settle as it wakes them and you start over again! Good luck - you will get some sleep soon!!x

Thanks Mewkins ! Guess what we started last night and it only took 30 minutes and only took 4 visits into the room. And yes the cry turned into a 'sleepy' cry which was sort of an acceptance of the situation. The beginning was awful though as he was stood up in his cot confused and when i went in he tugged on my sleeve and hair! So heartbreaking! I had to get DH to do the fourth trip into the room as it was difficult for me but it didn't take long after that!

Tonight took 30 mins again and he lay down by himself sooner.

Didn't do it for naps today so going to start that tomorrow which i know is a must, but i know it will be harder as it's not bedtime.

Redbutterfly, do you mind me asking, how was he the next day? Did you notice any change in him? I dread having to do cc invade the next day he seems all lost and unhappy! Was your little one his usual self? Congrats on taking only 30 mins. That is excellent.

Just in case CC doesnt work we used andrea grace's gradual withdrawal. Her book has lots of different case studies so you can pick the solution which suits you best. She also has solutions which include CC.

Started at 11 months. Immediate improvement in the evenings and in the night DS started to self settle too. Still not perfect (teething and illness) but loads better and I feel human again.

I liked AG as she also gave ideas for how to improve your sleep which I really needed after a year of broken nights!

Well behaviour the next day was fine . I was a bit paranoid in that i felt perhaps he distrusted me and he seemed to get upset at bedtime and nap time. But at the same time DH reminded me that he was laughing loads and still really affectionate towards us and that was true. And guess what, for naps it took ten minutes!!! So I would say he was a little grumpy but only for 5 minutes or so! He played as normal and still gave me winning smiles.

But I think I mucked things up on Wednesday as I started to feel guilty about leaving him and started to over think the psychological effects and i decided i would stay with him slightly longer and rub his back. This meant it took longer for him to sleep and he then woke up at 3.30am crying and it took a while for him to get back to sleep with us patting his back at intervals.

So the next night , Thursday ,we went back to normal in that i gave him his bath and this time i took my tablet into the room so he could listen to the "in the night garden" music whilst he drank his milk. I cuddled him and kissed him goodnight and placed him in his cot and guess what , HE DID NOT CRY AT ALL! ROLLED OVER AND WENT STRAIGHT TO SLEEP!!!!!!!!! Absolute miracle!

Same today with just a bit of a moan and i can honestly say that he's been happier than ever these last two days , has slept 12 hours through till 7am, has eaten much better and has laughed loads!!!

I also have Andrea Grace's book and took elements from it too and was really up for doing gradual withdrawal but actually when i sat down and explained all the methods to DH, he helped to analyse what would suit our DS more and we realized gradual withdrawal would make him cry more, and this was proven right when Wednesday didn't work because i stayed in the room too long sssh patting his back. So he fell asleep easier without me being there which makes me believe he is ok with it and i should have given him more credit for being a brave little boy. I am so proud of him!

I can thoroughly recommend really thinking about the personality of your baby first and thinking about what would happen with each of the possible sleep training methods.In the end cc worked for us but it had been my least preferred option. Of course if DS had cried in a more distressing way i probably would've given up and tried gradual withdrawal but as DS has been ok and i know his cries are not " I need you " cries i was happy to carry on.

But the first night was initially horrible and he was standing up in his cot looking for us so we went in at quite close intervals. If you're prepared to get through the first night, then you've almost cracked it!

I feel much happier, we have our evenings back, i can watch Emmerdale in peace, paint my nails,get proper sleep and my back and arms are not constantly hurting. I was very depressed and eexhausted before but feel i have turned a corner.

Last night when he turned on his side and went to sleep straight away DH and i just jumped up and down in our lounge and hugged each other!!!! We were so over the moon that things had improved for us!

Thanks for posting reply. It's great to hear someone elses experience. Sounds like you handled it all very well and found a method to suit your ds. You sound thrilled! I am a bit jealous! Mine is only 9 months, do I might wait a while but try a gradual withdrawal method when he is closer to a year.

We did cc at 13 months. We had been rocking, cuddling, patting to sleep and it was getting really stressful, taking ages and he'd wake and cry after s couple of hours. I felt we were confusing him with different approaches and decided that whatever we did he had to stay in his cot.

I went in every 2 minutes, laid him down, said night night with an air of confidence and went out. It took 40 mins of hell.

But the results were amazing. Next 3 nights only had to pop in once or twice and then not at all. That was a year ago and we've never looked back.

I remember really well the elation of having cracked it, really happy for you.

Camping/staying somewhere brand new can upset the applecart but we just do the same cc for the first night and then he's fine for subsequent nights.