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A Miracle: My Biggest News Yet!

What I am about to share with you is a complete and total miracle from the Lord.

It is proof that he is always working a miracle and shaping our futures, even in the tough seasons.

I plan to share an in depth update on my health journey this year in a post very soon, but there has been a reason I have been missing for several months. I have not blogged, posted on social media, emailed or even been singing or writing. I have been in a season of severe trial. A season of severe health issues with majority of the time being in the hospital or under medical home care. Since early this year, my life has been taken into dark places I never could have imagined. But the beauty is, even amidst this season, The Lord has been bringing good out of bad, a miracle the defies the odds of science, modern medicine and the doctors who practice it.

I will just get right to the news :)…

Justin and I are welcoming our first baby boy into the world January of 2017 (Or even sooner)!!

We have always planned on having a family someday, but in recent years we have only been able to hope that someday I would be healthy enough to get pregnant, stay pregnant and be a mama. In all honesty, it didn’t seem likely. With the intensive health struggles that I have gone through, we were not even sure I would be able to get pregnant, let alone stay pregnant. It would be an act of God, a miracle. But amidst one of my worst flares and health seasons yet, God placed a little child, a miracle, a promise, in my body. Even while my body is fighting and weak, my baby is growing and bringing a new season of hope to Justin and I’s life.

This baby has defied the odds in all ways. There was not a single doctor who thought he would make it this far and if I’m being honest, I had my doubts as well. As hard as that is to admit. My faith wavered when it came to this child. I doubted he could survive in a body as broken as mine. I hid it. I kept the secret safe, because I didn’t think I could face the truth if something was to happen to him. The less people that knew, the less attached I got, the better. I was protecting my heart from what the world said was inevitable. Just a small handful of family and the doctors that care for me knew and walked through the beginning months with us.

I was hospitalized for many many weeks (I lost track and considered the hospital my home) and was transferred downtown by ambulance to a high risk wing for the majority of that time when one hospital had given up on me. There were several weeks where they had no idea what to do with me. They were guessing and in the process instilling major fear that I would lose my baby, have to do treatments that could shut down my organs, or have emergency surgery. I had failed all the treatments to stop the disease and as a result my body was trying to reject the precious life growing inside of me.

It was the scariest time of my entire life.

At 5 and a half months pregnant, I went into full blown labor. The chances of him surviving were not ideal and even slimmer that he would not have a serious long term complication. My heart was breaking. My body couldn’t hold it together long enough to let this baby develop. I felt that somehow I had failed. That this was my fault.

But praise Jesus, because he stopped that labor dead in its tracks and brought this baby to a place of complete safety. I am now over 8 months pregnant and to a place in my pregnancy no one in modern medicine believed I would get to. He is thriving, growing and proving to me every single day God’s grace and mercy. Because without the hand of the Almighty God and his love for me and the child in me, my womb would be empty and so would my soul.

Throughout this pregnancy the hand of Jesus has been on me and my baby again and again and again. I am in awe of the power of his hand. That truly nothing is impossible. Even a beautiful baby boy thriving in the world war 3 of bodies. He is breathing new life and victory into me and my son.

The most amazing part about this pregnancy to me, is the timing. From a surface look, the timing couldn’t be worse. We’re both working on building new careers, ministries and finding our way in that, I am in incredibly ill health and we have not been able to get to the place where we feel ready and stable to start building a family. But God had a different plan.

My prayer since early this year has been one of complete surrender. I kept asking the Lord to open doors where he wanted me to go, and shut the ones where I was not supposed to go. Whether or not they made sense to me, I wanted God to step in and steer me in the direction HE wants for me. I got to a place where I had no idea what was next, or where I was headed and I became pretty confused. All of a sudden God was changing my heart towards things and my dreams began morphing into something new and different. But I never gave up on pursuing his heart and call on my life, because I know I can do all things through Christ and I can walk through what I need to go through in His strength. All of the changing and growth that he did in me prepared me for life as a mom and life that looks different than I thought.

I asked him to open the doors where he wants me to go and lead me towards my purpose and what my call on this earth is.

And him being the amazing God he is, answered.

He placed a child in me. He placed a heart for people in me. He changed my perspective and priorities in life. He gave me a heart for ministry and helping other women through challenges. He gave me the ability to relax and trust his plan. He gave me the ability to hold loosely to my dreams and in the process gave me new dreams. Dreams to be a mom, have an amazing family, leave a legacy, write and share the good news of Jesus with people.

This pregnancy has been very challenging on my body (that’s putting it lightly) since I am fighting a severe flare at the same time, which compounds all the usual non glamorous symptoms of pregnancy, but I couldn’t be more grateful. That when I get better and I come out on the other side, this season of sickness has not been a waste, but a new life has been forming in me and growing each and every day. Even while I rest and watch Netflix, I am building a human. That is amazing!

I am amazed at his faithfulness, his love and always surprised to find out his plans are so much different (and better) than my own.

I am excited to see what motherhood brings, what wisdom I gain and how my life shifts. I have no idea how to be a mom, but I hear it’s instinctual 😉 and I can’t wait to learn and finally meet my little miracle. He will be a constant reminder of God’s grace. And that he truly works all things for good for those who love Him and are called according to his purpose.

I am sure lessons of motherhood and this new season will find it’s way into my writing, so stay tuned!

And never stop believing that even in your trials and tough seasons, God is working on your behalf and your miracle is coming.