Dad: Yeah, you better cry! [ continues to spank Bernard ] ‘Cause the next time! You show your ass in! At two o’clock! In the damn morning! I’m gonna spank! Your ass! ‘Til you wish you didn’t! Have a ass! Get up! [ Bernard stands ] You know, that hurt me more than it hurt you! Come here. Come on over here. You had fun tonight? Tell me what you did.

Bernard: Went to a few clubs, and I went to eat a burger with Michelle.

Dad: That sounds nice! Put your head down on my lap, Son. I’m gonna tell you a story about me and your mother.

Bernard: Dad, it’s uncomfortable!

Dad: Don’t make me take my belt off, Bernard!

Bernard: Dad, you’re wearing boxer shorts.

Dad: Lay your head down, or I’m gonna have a spanking flashback! [ Bernard lays his oversized head down on Dad’s tiny lap ] Your momma was the prettiest grl in the class. Is your girlfriend pretty?

Bernard: Yeah.

Dad: She got a nice shape?

Bernard: Yeah.

Dad: Mmm.. your momma had a nice shape when I first met her. Now she got.. now she got a butt like a bag of wet clothes. You gettin’ sleepy?

Bernard: No.. no..

Dad: Let me hold you, while I sing you a song to make you sleepy.

Bernard: Dad, you can’t hold me!

Dad: You wanna hear a lullaby, or you wanna get your ass cracked?!

Bernard: Hear a lullaby.

Dad: Come on over here.[ singing ]“Rock-a-bye baby on the treetopwhen the wind blows, the cradle will rock.As the bough breaks, the cradle will falland down will come Bernard.. cradle.. and all.”