Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Monday, December 19, 2011

I'd like to think I can say I haven't struggled with this topic because I have a pretty good sense of self, but that wouldn't be true. I think I get more hung up on the terminology more than anything. Gender-fluid, gender-queer...both of these things fit me...and then they don't. I always had an inkling that a part of me was supposed to be female, but at my core I am probably a male with some female sensibilities. What does that make me? I don't know. And I think that as we move forwards, my transgender identity is going to shrink because these things that I identify with are going to be applied to a specific gender less and less. So I'm left with something that not only doesn't fit, but also may not be long for this world.

Perhaps I should take a step back and define Transgenderism. To most people it means boys who want to be girls and vice versa, but it actually encompasses a lot more. You can be considered transgendered if:

You feel you’re the opposite gender as your biological sex (and in some cases have the brain chemistry of you preferred gender despite your anatomical representation)

You’re born with multiple sets of sex organs.

You’ve undergone a transition from male to female or vice versa, whether it includes changing clothing, taking hormones, undergoing surgery, or all of the above.

You crossdress.

You consider yourself to be both genders, or without gender (This is me a little.)

Your gender varies from day to day.

You don’t feel like you fit the stereotypes of one gender or another well enough to identify as such. (This is perhaps where I fit best.)

It’s that last one that really gets to me because I think it at least partially describes every human being that has ever existed. A lot of the things that make you one gender or another are based on arbitrary rules. Men wearing their hair shorter than women, or women wearing dresses. We see these things and they help us identify someone as male or female, but more and more we find out that that’s very vague, and ultimately untenable. And there's no real reason why those things have to apply to either gender at all.

So I’m like…yeah I’m a guy…I guess, I mean I have the correct anatomy (big anatomy)…but I’m partial to thongs, and androgynous clothes (i.e. pants and shirts) cut and sewn to fit women, and I like pink (pink, not douchebag frat boy salmon) and I like girls that look and act like men. And I hate working on cars and I hate action movies. I prefer romantic comedies and love stories. But I play sports and am one of the toughest people I know. And one of the most emotionally empathetic and sensitive. It's like trying to put together picture with pieces from a bunch of different pictures.

I'm not sure if a recent incident has crystallized things for me, or muddled them even more. I was asked to fill out a form today that had spaces to indicate race and gender. I figured I could leave both questions blank, and am fairly certain I am legally allowed to do so. However the proctor would not take my form until I filled them out, going as far as to tell me, “you would put down male and white.” My jaw almost dropped at that one. How stupid do you have to be to work in human resources, where you’re trained all damn day on sensitivity, to take one look at someone and say, ‘oh, you’re white.’ Are you fucking kidding me?

Obviously what is more applicable to me is the gender aspect of that…which…whatever. Even though it was an incredibly (INCREDIBLY) offensive thing to say, I’m not sure there is much that offends me terribly on a personal level. I think I was more aghast at her stupidity, and then disappointed at her stupidity than anything. It adds another complication to a gender identity that is currently unclear. I have to admit that seeing things put into a rigid black and white (or perhaps pink and blue) format made me extremely uncomfortable. The more I had to check male or female on each form, the worse I felt.

At the end of all this, I feel as I often do when trying to tackle gender identity, overwhelmed. There is so much there to dissect, and so little of it clear. It sucks to not be able to put a finger on a part of yourself, but perhaps it's best to move forward with that in mind. After all, as we continue to try to categorize people, we realize further how futile that really is.

On Twitter I follow a guy who uses the handle @nxtArrowpres who tweets a lot about nontraditional business practices like letting your employees have more vacation, unlimited flex time and so on. It all goes back to one thing, comfortable employees make the best employees.

What you think about it the current business model is really stupid. You pack up your shit in the morning to leave the place that brings you the most comfort to go to a place with several rules that seemed designed to make you uncomfortable. If you're doing it right, you spend more of your waking time during the week at this uncomfortable place than you do at home.

If you're anything but a bachelor with no life, this can be a huge source of stress. What if the kids get sick, who's going to take the dog out, how am I going to find time to eat, can I make it to the store before it closes, what can I do for the girlfriend's birthday without compromising work? It gets worse when you factor in the commute. Driving is stressful enough alone, but adding a half hour to two hours to the time you're spent away from managing your life is even worse.

This baffles me. Why companies want to ensure the stress of their employees is beyond me, especially when the solutions are so simple.

In the world of high speed internet, cheap scanners, and VOIP the necessity of being in the office has all but disappeared. I honestly can't tell you a single thing that I do at work that I couldn't take care of at home in the comfort of PJ pants while being able to take the dog out. And not only does this make me a better worker (and more willing to work), but it actually saves the company money because I use fewer resources.

It's not like flextime is all that difficult either. Studies show that employees that are allowed to set their own hours (so long as they meet deadlines and company goals) are not only happier, but also more productive. Not everyone fits into the 8-5 box, so why force them to? If someone wants to work 10-7, let them.

I feel like we stick to the old model because that's the way things always been, which offers absolutely no advantage whatsoever.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Look...from all accounts, Tim Tebow is the nicest human being on the planet. I have no idea what his actual position is on LGBT rights or same sex marriage. What I do know is that Tebow put his face and star power to an organization called Focus on the Family, advertising during last year's Super Bowl.

Focus on the Family was founded in 1977 by James Dobson in Colorado Springs, Colorado, the same man who would go on to found the Family Research Council with whom FotF is closely affiliated (more on them later).

As you would expect, FotF is against same sex marriage and has gone on at length about how it is the road to society's destruction, about par for the course for a religious group. FotF also goes on to say that same sex marriage will lead to "unstable homes for children," a claim that has not been substantiated in any reputable study. In fact the American Psychological Association and the Royal College of Psychiatrists (UK) have specifically stated that Focus on the Family has no scientific research to back up its claims.

Focus on the Family has also come under fire from researchers across the country for distorting their work. Researcher Judith Stacey pointed out that one of her studies that is frequently cited as evidence that children are harmed by same sex households only compared two parent households to single parent households with no mention of same sex parentage at all. Researcher Elizabeth Saewyc had her study on teen suicides used to promote Conversion Therapy where gays are forced to "be straight" even though the study linked those suicides to harassments like conversion therapy and an outside push to "be normal."

And Focus on the Family is the GOOD cop among the two organizations. The Family Research Council is far, far worse.

The FRC was founded by the same person in the same state in 1983. Right now it's headed by Tony Perkins and its messages are spread by Senior Fellow for Policy Studies Peter Sprigg. Where to even begin? For starters, the FRC has been designated as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center, who made its name fighting the Klan and other discriminatory groups several decades ago. The list of distortions and lies the FRC has made is extensive. Some of the lowlights:

Claiming domestic violence happens at a high level in LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered) relationships.

Citing "private sources" in saying that gay appointee David Hansell would cut funds from states that bar gay marriage.

Connecting homosexuality and pedophilia.

Citing the research of Paul Cameron, who has been discredited by virtually every reputable Psychiatric association in the United States and Canada.

Using data from the 70s and 80s to make the case against same sex relationships when said data has been thoroughly debunked.

"Homosexuals say they don't want children, but boy they put a lot of energy into going after them."

"The homosexual rights movement has tried to distance itself from pedophilia, but only for public relations purposes."

"There is a strong undercurrent of pedophilia in the homosexual subculture."

"You don't have to eat the stale crumbs off the dirty floor, which is basically what lesbianism is."

that the Employee Non-Discrimination Act is a "Crossdresser Protection Bill."

LGBT individuals suffer from several ills (like depression) at higher rates while failing to acknowledge that the cause of those ills is homophobia and harassment, not being LGBT.

that studies prove that gay men and women are more promiscuous, even though those studies were performed before gay marriage was legal.

At the risk of being redundant, I will stop there. The FRC has harped on the same points over and over again, that LGBT individuals are less healthy (false), that they are more likely to molest children (false), and that they make worse parents (false).

Perhaps most reprehensible is that the FRC continues to oppose legislation that would curtail bullying, even in the wake of several teen suicides. That the FRC can not only ignore teen suicides, but actually take active measures to ensure they continue is nothing short of disgusting.

Where does Tim Tebow fall in all of this? Like I said, I don't know. But what I do know is that he donated his face and his star power to Focus on the Family. That alone is bad enough.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Barry Trotz vs. Lindy Ruff tonight...with all the changes in coaching staffs going on around the league recently, it's UNBELIEVABLE these guys have been in their positions since 1997!!!
(Drink)
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Nice nipples on Trotz.
(what?)
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Tootoo was trying to make something happen, had no where else to go but jump...not really his fault
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My Lord Tootoo, you are effin stupid.
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You guys can't be serious... Tootoo 100% deserves whatever he gets. That was a dumb decision by him.
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These Buffalo announcers suck....calling for an immediate suspension for Toots.....

Toots was heading across Miller's crease, NOT towards Miller himself.
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Regardless of what just happened, we don't deserve to be losing, let alone down 2-0.
(Lol, dumbass)
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Agree. Tootoo has to make a better decision. I mean, he lost the puck and continued into the goalie. What did he expect? Especially since this is Miller's first game back.

Dumb move, Toots. I can't defend this jackassery.
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MSG just interviewed Ryan Miller, he said he didn't think the Tootoo hit was entirely intentional and I agree. Although I will say that Tootoo is a professional athlete in the sport that requires the most situational awareness so I find it hard to believe that he didn't have some idea of where he was and what he was doing.

I like the Nashville crowds' energy, just wish they were a bit more voluminous. Also, I wish they would put their ice girls in a bit less clothing. No bare midriff? For shame.

I liked the response to the hit aside from one thing. I wish Paul Gaustad would have had the presence of mind to point at the $7 million sack of cash sitting on Nashville's bench with no helmet. Far bigger statement.
(Okay that one was me.)
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Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Since I go to Buffalo and/or Rochester 2-3 times a month and have a 40 minute commute to work each morning and evening, I’ve racked up quite a few miles on the road. With that comes quite a few things that moronic drivers do that piss me off. My commute is split pretty evenly between interstate and non-interstate driving so I’ll cover both.

Interstate/Thru-wa Taking a Calendar Year to Pass Someone at 68 mph/Abusing the Left Hand Lane
The left hand lane is for passing and passing quickly and/or for driving 110 when your wife is in labor or your dad’s having a heart attack. If you can’t use it right you need to get the god damn hell out of the way. If you want to piddle along at 65 mph to save gas, that’s fine. I do it all the time, but there’s a lane for that. Look in your rear view mirror once in a while so you can see if there’s a line of cars behind you that circumnavigates the globe.

Truck Drivers, I know this is unavoidable and there’s only so much speed you can coax out of your rig, but for the love of god choose your spots a little better. Swinging your truck in front of me before I can get by when there is NO ONE IN SIGHT behind me is a total dick move.

Rubbernecking
This one is truly awful in cities and it happens on a daily basis in Rochester. You’re going along just fine until you meet some congestion. Incensed you continue at 30 mph until you get to the scene of the incident…only to find out that it’s someone with a flat tire that isn’t blocking any lanes or impeding any traffic. But because of the sheer volume and the tendency of drivers to slow down and gawk, things have come to a crawl. This highlights the stupidity of drivers in bright neon pink.

Slowing down to below the speed limit when you see a cop
Not only is this utterly ridiculous, but it’s also incredibly dangerous, especially if said driver doesn’t look in their mirrors before stomping the brakes. Look, the guy is not only stopped on the side of the road, but HE’S NOT EVEN IN HIS SQUAD CAR. He doesn’t give a shit that you’re going 70 in a 65…AND…even if you are going thirty mph over the speed limit, you’ll be long gone before he can do anything about it.

Tailgating
Yes I’m in the left hand lane and I’m not going as fast as you, but I’m still going 78 and I have ONE GODDAMN CAR to pass. I will be out of your way in less than ten seconds. Are you seriously trying to pass me on the right now even though I already have my signal on showing I’m getting out of your way? You fucking asshole.

Not Using a Turn Signal to Change Lanes
This one absolutely terrifies me because people will wing their vehicles from lane to lane like they’re driving go-karts at the fair. I’ve actually physically seen it cause accidents in front of me. It’s even worse when you’re heading by a long line of cars on the right knowing that any one of them could decide “fuck this, I’m passing these tards” at any moment and slam into your passenger door.

City and Back RoadsNot Driving the Speed Limit in Perfect Weather
This one is the worst for me. I drive an hour and twenty minutes total a day, I don’t want to spend five extra minutes sitting behind you dicking around at 40 mph in a 55 because you’re 900 years old. It’s dangerous anyways. If you’re too old to maintain speed either hit a tree before you hit another driver or turn in your license.

Passing to Get to Red Lights Faster
There are a few areas I drive that are long strips of commercial areas with a dozen or so lights. It’s amazing how many assholes will race in front of me and then cut me off only to be sitting in front of me at the next red light. Utterly unnecessary.

Horribly Set Up Traffic Lights
There is so much to fall under this category. First has to be the weight sensor lights that don’t pick up my tiny ass car. Right behind them has to be the lights that are time based and don’t operate on any sensors. Nothing like sitting at a red light with no other cars around. And all municipalities have to do is turn the lights into blinking reds (essentially a stop sign) from 1-4am. Also, while "no-turn-left-on-green lights" are useful in some areas, they’re horribly abused in others. There’s one traffic light by my house that violates all of the above. Fuck that thing.

Doesn’t Understand Yield Sign Guy
This one goes into two categories, the guy that treats it like a stop sign when there’s no one else around and the guy that doesn’t even acknowledge its existence. Both incredibly dangerous.

Souped up Car Guy
Good job, you modded your Honda Civic. Join a racing league instead of showing off in the Wal-Mart parking lot. I wish I could neuter you so you can’t reproduce.

Poorly Maintained Intersections
A lot of you probably don’t live in the country and don’t deal with this as much, but I see it every day. There are a lot of long straight roads with almost no traffic by my house which encourages people to drive like idiots. There are also a lot of intersections with poor visibility because the woods are overgrown or a house has built its garden out to the right of way. I don’t need to highlight the dangers of having to pull halfway into an intersection just to see on a road where people often go 90+ mph, do I?

As various hate groups try to link the Penn State and Syracuse University (investigation pending) scandals with the evils of homosexuality, it has become clear that they are right in a sense, just not in the way they think. There is a connection between homosexuality and the sex scandals, and it extends beyond to STD prevention, abortion prevention, teen pregnancies, and sexual education. What is abundantly clear is that this country needs a culture change in the worst way.

The taboo nature of sex and all things sexual has allowed misinformation and fear to run rampant. Part of the reason that it takes so long for molestation and abuse victims to come forward is because society tells them it’s not an okay thing to talk about. Part of the reason the United States is one of the worst countries in terms of overall reproductive health (including STD rates, teen pregnancy rates, and abortion rates) is because programs like abstinence-only/superior sex education are pushed in over 80% of our public schools. It shows, with emphasis, how stuck in the stone age we really are.

The taboo nature of sex has worked to fight an insidious two-front battle. It pushes abuse victims into hiding and Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered individuals into the closet fostering an epidemic of poor mental, social, and emotional health in this country AND it makes society wholly incapable of dealing with these things when they are pushed into the limelight because real information has been made so sparse.

Given what science has come to discover about gender alone, that it is more fluid than we thought, that brain chemistry and genetics and anatomy are not always in sync, that anatomical males can have female brain chemistry and cells and vice versa, it is absolutely stunning how strictly we adhere to our preconceived categorizations of such things. But therein lies the problem, the information is so buried under our cultural prudishness that people don’t know enough to question the status quo. Transgendered individuals are freaks, homosexuality is wrong, and marriage has a very ironclad definition.

And what’s even worse is that the solution remains equally buried. We can combat the bullying of LGBT individuals with legislation, but that merely assigns a negative value to actions, it doesn’t address the root of the problem, people growing up in a culture of ignorance and misinformation. We can try to introduce birth control to teenagers to stop the spread of STDs and teen pregnancies, but that does nothing for the teens that are too afraid of their parents’ wrath to have condoms on hand to use, or mothers and fathers too stupid to allow their teenage daughters on birth control. We can pass age of consent laws, but an eighteen year old virgin with little sexual education is no better equipped to handle sex than a fifteen year old of the same status.

I can’t bring myself to believe that there is no solution. I can’t bring myself to believe that an aversion to sex is so deeply ingrained in who we are as Americans that we will never be able to escape from its clutches. Perhaps all we need is time, after all we’re talking about a culture change. That does not typically happen with any haste. I think we’re seeing it already as LGBT rights not only move into the realm of ‘mainstream issue,’ but continue to build support and lose detractors by the day. But we’re not there yet…we’re not even close. I hope that my kids will see us move at least a little further.