thoughts on all the things polite people don't talk about

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If You Are Gay and Afraid

The couple who came to me for counseling had a typical problem; they were fighting more and more and communicating less and less. They were frustrated and angry. They were afraid. And they were gay. How a Christian minister who believes practicing homosexuality is a sin, found himself counseling a lesbian couple who knew his beliefs is a very long story. I realize I am opening myself up to a lot of criticism by telling this story. Some gay people may accuse me of using this instance as cover for my thinly veiled homophobia and hatred of everything LGBTQ. Some Christians may accuse me of accommodating a sinful lifestyle and being a closet liberal (pun intended). The reason I take the risk now is the same reason I took the risk to counsel this couple back then; it bothers me to see people in pain, especially the pain caused by fear. I feel like less fear in the world is a good thing, don’t you?

We are told gay people are afraid because Trump won the election. That is one of the meme’s of the Establishment and Elite and Educated. Have you noticed it is standard operating procedure for the E, E, and E’s to make monolith’s out of every group and every issue. All women are pro-abortion. All Hispanics are for open borders. All gay people are afraid of Trump… Perhaps one of the greatest things accomplished during the last election cycle is the thorough discrediting of the legacy media. The “main stream media” as they were called and should never be called again, were exposed as willing organs of politicians, enabling liars to hide and doing their best to create narratives helpful to their preferred outcomes by hiding truth. Did you know that by a margin of 49 percent to 36 percent, Hispanics support a policy causing illegal immigrants to return home by enforcing the law? If that had been reported honestly before the election would it have made you question how Trump was going to perform among Hispanics and therefore in the election in general? When you are presented with a headline or a lead item in a news cast that blandly implies a group of people are for something, against something, unhappy about something, or scared about something, question it, don’t just swallow it whole in the neat little propaganda pill they hand you.

All gay people don’t distrust Trump, but some do. All gay people aren’t afraid of Trump, but some are. I can see how the LBGTQ community could be confused by Trump. He’s a New Yorker who has done business in one of the most gay friendly cities in the world for many years. He invited Peter Thiel, the openly gay co-founder of Pay Pal, to address the Republican convention last summer in prime time, and he seems pretty uninterested in what bathroom people use. On the other hand he tapped a thoroughly Christian running mate in Mike Pence, the Indiana governor that the LGBTQ community has been told wants to discriminate against them and “convert” them. When it comes to same sex marriage Trump was against it before he was for it and is for it until he might be against it again. Trump said he was open to appointing Supreme Court justices who might overturn the decision to legalize same sex marriage. I read an E, E and E article on the subject of Trump and LGBTQ that insisted millions of people are “devastated” and “terrified” by Trump’s election. Maybe that is so. Maybe you are gay and afraid. Maybe you know someone who is gay and afraid. What can you do about it?

First off recognize that fear is a tool people use to get us to do what they want us to do. Fear is a strong motivator. Go look at the shelves in a grocery store the next time a big storm is supposed to come through your area. The shelves get pretty empty even if a storm hasn’t impacted your town in a hundred years. Fear has low sales resistance. If I can keep you afraid I can keep you buying what I’m selling. Good questions to ask are: who is telling me to be afraid and what do they stand to get out of it? In the case of the E, E, and E’s they have a lot to gain by scaring us. It’s a major way they maintain power and position. Vote for us, we’re the only ones who care about you. Read our paper, we’re the only ones who understand you. Send us your money, we’re the only ones who will fight for you. Implied in all of this is that there is an enemy who doesn’t care about you, doesn’t understand you, and ultimately wants to destroy you. Who is that? Seriously. Who is that? Who made a family pizza joint in Indiana into the Westboro Baptist Hitler youth? Who took a wedding photographer and a bakery in the middle of no where and did the same thing? Why? If someone thinks Jesus isn’t cool with catering, photographing, or caking your gay wedding is it really the equivalent of showing up at the ceremony with signs that say “Death to Fags”? It isn’t. And the corollary that Westboro haters are equivalent to all evangelical Christianity is just as unrealistic. But some people have something to gain by making us believe those things; by trying to make us afraid of those things.

I know that to some measure the gay wedding business discrimination cases have been used to make a point about equality and to push for it. As I said in another article, the people promoting the gay agenda have been very successful at shaping and changing public opinion. The latest poll numbers on gay marriage prove this is true. Over half of Americans support it. So there you go, right? Public opinion is in your favor. What are you afraid of then? Trump is going to take away gay marriage? You won’t be able to get the wedding cake from the homophobic pastry chef? Really? No. I’m going to tell you what you are afraid of. I learned it in my gay relationship counseling session. Its a legitimate fear and no opinion poll will help you get over it. In fact you instinctively know that you don’t want an identity defined by public opinion polls. Why? Because we know majorities don’t define right and wrong. Majorities change. Majorities don’t offer stability. Peace comes from stability and fear comes from instability.

When I started to talk with the lesbian couple I asked them about their identities. Who did they see themselves as? This is key to understanding the operating principles of relationships. I knew the one woman well and so I started with her partner. Before I could say a full sentence the woman said this: “I am a gay. I will not listen to anything that suggests I am not gay. I’ve always been gay and will always be gay. I would rather go to hell than stop being gay.” This was the most emphatically anyone ever gave me their identity. It had the effect of cutting off any further dialogue because what I wanted to get at was a non-sexual, given identity that transcended small, earthly identities.

I want couples to step out of small identities in order to gain perspective on their relationships. I am honest about my opinion of gay identity, but I don’t need people to agree with me about that in order to see they need a permanent, stable identity. I’m just as adamant about any temporary identity. Father, mother, wife, son, daughter. Temporary. One day we are all going to pass into eternity and we will either stand before the Creator or we will fall into nothingness. Before God we will know who we are perfectly. As a Christian I believe we can see and accept that permanent identity in the here and now and so I suggest to anyone who needs stability that they can have it in knowing Jesus. He gives an identity that I don’t maintain. He gives a place that can’t be taken away by popular opinion. He equalizes what doesn’t add up. Jesus is the answer for fear. I will tell you what I told my gay friends; I know you’ve thought and felt and believed you were gay from a very young age. Who am I to tell you that you are not gay? I know someone who can tell all of us who we are and he isn’t interested in scaring you into believing it (yes this is true in spite of what you may have heard “Christians” say). He experienced all of hell to make sure you and I wouldn’t have to. He lost his identity completely so you can have an identity that will never be taken away. If you are deceived about being gay he can tell you in a way you can receive. If you are gay he can help you understand how to live a full life as a gay person. Most of all he has nothing to gain from you at all. He is a king and more wealthy than you can imagine. He has all power and reputation and influence. He doesn’t need you to affirm or set or participate in his agenda. He already revealed his whole agenda. It is this: perfect love casts out fear. That’s it. “Jesus loves you” isn’t a bumper sticker. It is either God’s whole agenda or it is a complete farce. Gay, straight, man, woman, child. You are perfectly loved. You do not have to be afraid.