Many of us remember “looking for love in all the wrong places” and wondering why we didn’t find it, right? And those of you who have moved on to joyous loving relationships learned something from the pain and struggle and you had certain realizations and shifted to actions that brought you the love and commitment you desire, didn’t you? Whether you let go of a “bad boy” or a “trophy wife” or any of the thousands of choices that have led my clients to pain and misery we can always learn to make better choices once we have an understanding of what works for you and what does not.

The exact balance of love, affection, passion, trust, intimacy, monogamy, financial security, respect, self-respect etc. are what we call “needs” and understanding your needs is the 1st step to understanding who is the best match for you.

Have you experienced broken dates; MIA boyfriends or girlfriends who string you along leaving you confused and desperate for love and honesty? Has anyone led you on a wild goose chase leaving you wondering why it went sideways and what you did wrong? Or have you ever thought you had the best weekend of your life and that your next date would last forever and suddenly the relationship fizzled to nothing? When you think “oh they have different needs from me” doesn’t that offer more clarity and more peace?

If you were seeking intimacy and did not find it you may be left wondering “Why?”; “What could I have done?”; “Where did it all go wrong?” The secret to having the best relationships in the world is understanding needs. Here is some clarity and I look forward to answering your questions and to reading your comments.

If you are moving towards a partner and find that when you do your partner backs away then you know, you have proof that your partner needs something different from you:

Do you believe that this lack of consistent connection is caused by you or because of your partner’s “baggage”? Did you expect that your devotion and love could fix it? Like many of us did you believe that you are so wonderful that this problem would just disappear because I have thousands of examples that these causes and cures don’t work? Did you expect time to heal old wounds so that your partner would become available? My friend, Frank Zizzo, PhD advises, “With this kind of person do less; you will want to do more but do less.” Once you understand the invisible equations that explain a partner’s need for “personal space and intimacy” you can identify which person can become your partner and who is an accident waiting to happen without wasting years and tears.