Vraaggesprek: Aziz Ansari, Author Of Modern Romance: NPR

Modern Romance

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Ter his stand-up, Aziz Ansari often talks about dating. And while he’s now joyfully ter a relationship, he’s still fascinated with how people find each other — so fascinated, te fact, that he wrote a book about it called Modern Romance. The comic tells NPR’s Audie Cornish, “I didn’t want this book to be, you know, just for single people . who are out there now, but I wished to zuigeling of do an overview of dating and relationships spil a entire.”

That meant teaming up with NYU sociologist Eric Klinenberg, pouring overheen studies and gegevens, and conducting concentrate groups from online forums to retirement homes. One big question Ansari dreamed to reaction wasgoed why — despite the millions of profiles on OkCupid, Match, Tinder and the like — people still fight to find The One, or at least someone who will come back their text messages.

Vraaggesprek Highlights

On his own practice not getting a reply to a text message when he wasgoed single

I texted someone I thought wasgoed indeed interested ter mij and then they didn’t say anything back for hours and what eventually turned into days. And I wasgoed losing my mind and it’s because I received muffle on the other end. And it wasgoed interesting to mij how just someone not sending a message to mij on their device wasgoed causing this rollercoaster of emotions. And spil I embarked talking about it ter my stand-up, I realized what a universal practice it wasgoed, and everyone had their own version of this kleuter of dilemma.

On reading other people’s text messages spil part of his research for the book

Reading people’s existente conversations on their phones gives you a much better portrayal of what’s going on than asking them, “Well what happened with this person?” “Oh, wij texted back and forward and, you know, it kleuter of fizzled out.” It’s totally different when you see the flagrante messages and look at the timing and choice of words. It’s truly fascinating to mij.

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On what sociology and comedy have te common

It’s a lotsbestemming about observation and making observations that resonate with people and attempting to learn about why people do the things they do.

On the paradox of choice when it comes to modern dating

That idea is from this man Barry Schwartz and the idea is that basically, you know, right now wij have the most romantic options that any generation has everzwijn had. And you would think, “Oh, more options, that’s better.” But whenever you look at any studies they’ve done, they always find the more options people have, the stiffer it is for them to make a choice, and that when they do make a choice they’re less pleased because they’re frightened that they maybe chose the wrong thing. And whenever wij talk to people about this ter regards to dating, it totally resonated.

On people describing the dating process spil gruelling

The word “gruelling” came up te so many different contexts when wij talked about modern romance. There are people that are doing online dating who are like, “Ugh, when you come huis and you open up that OkCupid inbox and you see all of those messages, it’s tiresome. It’s like a 2nd job.” And there’s other people who are like, “Ugh, attempting to schedule stuff overheen text to go on a date — it’s tiring. People are so flakey. They tell you, ‘Hey, let’s meet on Wednesday.’ Then you text them on Wednesday and it’s like, ‘Oh, something came up. Can wij meet on Friday?’ That zuigeling of stuff is grueling.” And people do zuigeling of reach a violating point, I think, and they zuigeling of switch up what they’re doing.

When you hear a Flo Rida song at very first you’re like, “What is this, Flo Rida? It’s the same thing you’ve always done. I’m not listening to this song.” And then you keep hearing it and you’re like, “Oh my Schepper, Flo Rida. You’ve done it again! This is a succesnummer, kind!”

On coming out of the book with a respect for the dating process

Here’s my take: You have all thesis amazing instruments and it’s indeed on you how you’re going to use them. If you have a phone, and you’re like, “Well, I’m gonna attempt to text spil many women I can, and attempt to have so many ball-sac ter the air and attempt to go on so many very first dates and meet this volmaakt person” — that sounds like a recipe for misery, to mij.

There’s another attitude of like, “You know, wij kleintje of just went for coffee. I’m not going to like judge them on just a coffee. Let’s do some more stuff together and see if they grow on mij.” There [are] so many studies that vertoning the more time wij spend with people, the more wij grow to like them. That’s just the way people are, you know?

I think what I say ter the book is wij’re all like a [song by hip-hop artist Flo Rida]. When you hear a Flo Rida song at very first you’re like, “What is this, Flo Rida? It’s the same thing you’ve always done. I’m not listening to this song.” And then you keep hearing it and you’re like, “Oh my Aker, Flo Rida. You’ve done it again! This is a klapper, kindje!” And that’s what people are like. People are like a Flo Rida song. You need to hear them a duo of times before you truly get what they’re about.