Au Pair: Ann-Kathrin Ebinger from Germany

Host Family: Johansen Family in New Jersey

It is with deep gratitude that I nominate Ann Catherine Ebinger for the au pair of the year award. Ann Catherine, or as she prefers to be called, Anka, arrived in August and quickly became part of our family. She was warm and genuine, traits that helped the children drop their guard and accept her. Although she accepted coaching from my wife, Renee, and I, and quickly came up to speed, no amount of coaching would have prepared her for what happened on December 6th, 2009.

Anka was the first person I called out for when I found my wife, Renee, dead on the bathroom floor. I had no idea why Renee's heart had stopped but I had to try to revive her. Earlier, it had been a normal Sunday morning. Renee had fixed breakfast for the children, ran on the treadmill (she used to run 5K races), and then went upstairs to shower. I found Renee dead forty-five minutes later when I went upstairs to learn when she would be ready to leave to cut down a Christmas tree.

When Anka arrived at my side she was appropriately startled to find me administering CPR to Renee. She quickly recovered and helped to call the 911 operator. Once the 911 operator said that help was on the way, I sent her to find the children and take them to the family room where they would be sheltered from the struggle to revive Renee. Anka gathered the children, told them that their mother was ill and that paramedics would soon arrive to help her. When police and paramedics arrived, she comforted the children by telling them that the paramedics were there to help their mother. When the paramedics relieved me and I could do no more, I went downstairs to check on the children. I found Sophie wrapped in Anka's arms, both children were understandably upset but Anka's composed presence gave them comfort.

After initial attempts to revive Renee failed, the paramedics moved her to the hospital. I left the children at home with Anka and followed the ambulance to the hospitcal. I don't know how much time passed while I waited at the hospital but at some point the attending physician came to me and informed me that in spite of all of the efforts of the emergency and medical staff, Renee had not been revived. I then met with a pediatric social worker at the hospital to strategize how to tell the children. I decided that it would be important for the children to learn of their mother's death from a hospital representative, I just couldn't do it. I called home and asked Anka to have the children ready to go the hospital when I returned home.

As the children were getting in the car, Anka quietly asked, "Is she...?" and I shook my head "no." I explained to her that it would be best that the children and I go to the hospital to speak with the medical staff without her, that this was a private family moment. In retrospect, I can only imagine what it must have been like for Anka at that moment. She had only been with us for 3 months, far from her home land and family. All of her reactions to that point had been managed to benefit the children, but at this point she was being left alone to fend for herself, with no one to care for and no one to comfort her.

Upon returning home, I found that Anka had reached out to a fellow au pair for support. The friend had come to our house to comfort Anka, but quietly and appropriately left upon our return.

That Sunday the children needed constant individual attention which Anka provided with a deep empathy. Anka supported my daughter, Sophie, as she walked around the house collecting things that reminded her of her mother; Renee's favorite jewelry, the sweater Renee had worn the evening before, photos, and a greeting card that Sophie personalized with a loving farewell expression. At Sophie's request we cleared out a large chest and devoted it to the memorabilia that was being collected. Anka was deeply compassionate and understanding as the children's emotional states ranged between deep expressions of sadness to outbursts of frustration throughout the day.

Anka's support of the children on that Sunday went beyond simply caring for the needs of the children, it was intimate and attuned to the subtle signals that indicated what the children were experiencing. Her responsiveness that day exceeded my expectations for her role as an au pair. She responded to a difficult personal situation with a mature emotional and intellectual compassion that told my children that they were safe and loved, even though they had just lost their mother. In spite of having experienced an event that was personally traumatic, she gave selflessly to soothe the pain of my children.