(Closed) Ranting here so I don't bite my FI's head off.

My Fiance and I still live at home with our parents. We don’t live together yet. I’m in school full time with 16 credits and too much homework to allow me personally to get a job (I tried it- I got so stressed and so sick both my doctor and my therapist told me I’m not allowed to work while in school with this huge of a workload). My Fiance just finished school in January and has been looking for a new job to no avail.

Our home lives are very stressful. His parents are a total pain for him to live with. We can’t cook over there, his dad is a jerk, his stepmom isn’t much better, they’re very rude and self-centered. They have an awful dog that’s basically feral because THEY DON’T TAKE CARE OF IT.

My parents aren’t near as jerks as his, but my mom’s a hoarder and our house is filled with clutter and junk. I can hardly walk around without bumping into something. My mom also spoils the crap out of my son. We need to be our own little family unit and just be out.

We are both desperate to move out.

But apparently one of us is more desperate than the other.

As it stands right now, we cannot afford the typical apartment around here ($700+) but I was looking into mobile homes, and their mortgage prices were around $250 a month. This is definitely in our price range for right now so I got really excited! I found a very nice looking one and was so excited to show my Fiance.

And he shot it down before even looking at it.

He totally judges mobile homes, says they’re rife with drug use, trash, etc. and I’m completely offended. Afterall, I’ve known plenty of people who lived in parks who were perfectly fine and decent people. And I myself was just considering a mobile home. Does that make ME and all my family trash? I think not.

So right now I’m mad as hell at him. I told him I’m just trying to find a way for us to be together. I’ve done more than anything he’s done, which is basically send out resumes but never follow up. I’M also the one who found all those job ads FOR him to apply at, he hasn’t shown any interest in looking up apartments, he’s not looking for job ads himself.

It’s pissing me off that he’s not doing anything except continue on with his current job and whining about it every day, whining about his home life every day ALL day, yet when I present a viable situation he shoots it out of the sky and shuts me down.

I understand a mobile home isn’t the most ideal living situation, but it doesn’t have to be shameful or undignified unless you make it that way. I’m so angry.

I told him I’m going to see it anyway and I’m thinking of telling him that if I like it, I may just buy it myself and see how he likes it.

*Deep, cleansing breath*

I’m sorry this post is so incoherent, but I really needed to get it out before I exploded. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

ETA: it strikes me maybe this is less a home issue, so if this should be moved to relationships instead, feel free. I’m honestly not sure. I think it’s home because I want a mobile home dangit. But it could also be relationship because I’m ranting about Fiance.

@Omgbunnies: Good idea to rant here instead of biting off your FI’s head 🙂 I’ve started doing that too and it helps me calm down a lot!

I don’t have too much advice, but I wanted to let you know that I agree with you about mobile homes not being shameful! I think it’s a great idea because instead of paying rent towards an apartment without anything to show, you are paying a mortgage towards something you can own.

As far as FI’s job search just keep encouraging him. I was on the other side of that after I graduated. I had a hard time finding a job and Fiance had to keep encouraging me to apply to jobs. I just got really discouraged after getting turned down so many times that it got hard for me to search for jobs because it felt so useless. He kept encouraging me and helping me out and I eventually found something so just keep encouraging (even though I’m sure it’s super frustrating)!

@Omgbunnies: Ahh the art of compromise. Have you both discussed living arrangements post marriage? if you have a son, what about the schools in the area where you would be interested? If you bought a mobile home now, what would happen to it once you’re married? All of these questions you should ask yourself before seriously contemplating moving.

Thanks! I did bite him a little bit, I couldn’t help it. He was complaining that mobile homes are too small but guess what? So are apartments! In fact mobile homes can be a lot bigger than some apartments. My old apartment was about 800 sq ft and the one I found is 824 sq ft, and it was plenty big for a small family unit.

Where we are, we don’t usually get many tornadoes. We had one freak tornado last year about 20 miles away… but they’re very unusual. Plus we could just put everyone in the car and drive to my parents house with a basement. Plus, if tornadoes were that big of an issue, why would so many other people live in mobile homes around here? I’ve never heard of a tornado hitting the parks near here, ever.

@Birdi: Technically, until we live together, there isn’t going to even -be- a marriage. The plan was that he’d get hired and make enough money to support us as a family, but I’m beginning to have my doubts that that will happen.

Once I graduate I will have a job as well, but my career will start out very small before growing bigger.

@Omgbunnies: Yeah I don’t think in here New England you’re in too much danger of getting hit by a tornado.

Mobile home parks definitely have a stigma to them up here, but if it’s something that will make your life better than why not? It seems like it might be a good fit for you to get out of your parents’ homes and get through school and whatnot. It’s a starter home, not a forever home.

@jny1179: Thank you! Exactly how I feel. If he hates living at home SOOO MUCH why wouldn’t he want to take any chance he has of getting out? I’m about to tell him I never want to hear him whine about the dog barking or his dad’s being a jerk ever again if we pass this up!

@Omgbunnies: Ok, I get it. well everyone has to start somewhere right? I think it’s nice to have a goal i.e moving in together, sounds like you both are eagerly working hard to make it a reality, you finishing school and him progressing at the workplace. try not to be hasty, buying a house will probably be the largest purchase you both will make. make sure your decision is a sound investment, not an emotional one.

@Birdi: I totally appreciate this. I’m not planning on moving in tomorrow, I just felt so angry about being shot out of the sky before even being heard. I wouldn’t buy it before learning everything about it and fully understanding my financial responsibilities.

@Omgbunnies: Good to hear:) I understand your frustration. getting a place to call your own is important. I was in a similar situation (first marriage) I ultimately bought something thinking I’d only be living there for a few years and guess what? Im typing my response to you in the same damn kitchen of the same damn townhouse I bought before I got married!! LOL!! this place came in handy, it outlasted a marriage:( and now I’ll be sad to be moving out in June When I marry my sweetheart. I wish you the best of luck!!!