8 Responses to “Still going strong”

Thank you for taking the time to create this blog page. I do have a bit of a situation and would like your thoughts!!

I accepted my boyfriend’s bisexuality/curiosity after much discussion and we agreed that we are in a relationship thus we stay faithful to each other etc. And just like he won’t be planning to cheat on me with a girl he won’t be with a boy.

Unfortunately I caught him cheating (fooling around) with his best mate from school who he hadn’t seen for a while on New year’s morning in my front room, a drunken fumble or so!! He say’s he is sorry he hurt me, etc but still plans to go on a 2month trip with his mate and says it won’t happen again but……

How do i trust it won’t happen again on the trip? His mate is going away for 4 years travelling after the 2 months so yes he really wants to go the 1st 2 months with him.

So what does one do now?!!

I have been supportive, but i feel like it’s all been thrown back in my face?!!!

There are two ways to look at this, the first way is based on a issue of trust. Imagine his best mate from school had been a girl and you’d caught them fumbling around. How would you feel? Would you be comfortable with them going on holiday together? Probably not.

That said, being supportive of someone’s bisexuality without allowing them to explore it is not really being supportive at all. You need to think back carefully to way you agreed to remain faithful to one another. Was this an agreement you and your boyfriend both made freely or something that your boyfriend agreed to knowing (or fearing) he would lose you if he didn’t agree?

You see the problem is when faced with the prospect of losing our girlfriends, we blokes tend to lie to keep them. So we’ll promise the impossible, to repress the very nature our bisexuality if it will keep you on-board. Women for their part confuse their request for monogamy with tolerance and support. I’m sorry to contradict you, but it is neither.

One important caveat, not all bisexuals need both male and female partners, many are happy with one or the other. Knowing whether you are dealing with an alternating bisexual (one who is genuinely happy in a monogamous relationship) or a ‘concurrent relationship’ bisexual is an important first step in realising whether insisting your partner remains faithful is a reasonable condition to put on the relationship.

The tough part is working out whether this sort of behaviour is something your boyfriend can’t help, because of the nature of his sexuality or just a lapse that befouls many men and women of all sexual persuasions. This in turn will determine whether you must choose between:

It has helped me through some difficult times and encouraged me to come out and I have never felt better. Everyone has been very supportive which I was surprised as I am in a male dominated environment (a physics degree).

I wanted to thank you for your blog as well – it’s been really interesting to get the perspective of another bi guy on different issues, especially since there seem to be so few openly bi men, and most people are pretty clueless about male bisexuality, if not downright hostile to it.

I met my first bi male friend only recently, and I’m still kinda in the middle of shifting my public identity from gay to bi, which seems to be quite uncharted territory. I’m also in a very male-heavy environment (I’m actually a physics student as well) but most people appear quite relaxed about gay/bi guys.

Knowing what I know now, I wish I’d just come out as bi at the beginning and saved myself these past few years of confusion, trying to hold to an identity that I always knew didn’t quite capture who I was.

So keep up the good work – there are lots of closeted bi guys (on either side of the fence, so to speak) who badly need to hear a friendly voice.

I’m so happy to see that you are still alive! I love your site because you provide some very interesting insights on male bisexuality, and it’s nice to know that there are more of us in existence. Keep up the good work!

I was glad to find this blog! I started dating a guy about three months ago and began having questions about his orientation. He is very sweet and affectionate but we have not had sex, possible due to other serious medical issues. I was at his house and found some gay porn in his closet, and there were other indications that he might not be totally straight. After much soul searching, I still felt very attracted to him possibly because he IS bi-sexual. I am a very independent and strong woman and I find his gentle ways very appealing. I decided to accept my sweetie for whatever he is, another child of God, and love him for who he is rather than hate him for who he isn’t. I dunno…I think it makes him more interesting. I’ve been around the block a few times so as long as he’s not into anything dangerous or seriously weird, who cares???

I have found myself deeply in love with a bi-sexual man. I left a marriage of 24 years to be true to myself and to support this man in his truth, I felt many of the feelings surrounding abandonment ~ these did not come from this man’s truth of his being bi-sexual, the feelings of abandonment came from my father’s abandonment of me 42 years a go. I will be open to where this relationship takes us both. I feel truly alive, the issues surrounding my fear of abandonment lesson, when I move from feeling victimized by men to understanding how deeply I love them. I am a woman that cares and the power that comes from that places me in a very unique place.

I find myself in my new ” Therapy Practice ” looking to reach out to the community and helping others that would desire the peace that I have come to find.

I know who I am and I feel honored to be with a man of such courage to place himself in all his vulnerability to ask me to be with him.