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Immigration Reform? Let’s Deport Every Republican Politician

I got it! Let’s keep the “illegals” and load Congress onto buses. How about that for comprehensive immigration reform? I can see it now, Louis Armstrong singing What A Wonderful World, a chirping cartoon bird landing on your shoulder, a bill some day passing Congress. Think about it, a line of buses heading south with all those do-nothing politicians. Eleven million deportations isn’t possible, nor ethical, but 247 politicians? Think of the money the tax payers could save! It’s kind of what will happen to The GOP in the near future anyway, so I just want to hasten the process. And don’t worry, Pokey, they can all be short ones.

Part of my reluctance to answer all of your questions is that I already have—endlessly, in fact—and in the case of immigration reform I have answered it in text, cartoon and Venn diagram form. You don’t have a monopoly on the common sense aspects of immigration reform, my friend. I agree with most of your article …always have. So what? What does that mean in the real world? Not a thing. Republicans can never see the forest for the sleaze. They invariably miss the whole point, the whole shebang. Speaking of sleaze, don’t google shebang. Really…don’t.

First off, Pokey, you forgot the whole root cause of your own “root cause” analysis. You claim in your feature I have never discussed the causes of our immigration problems. Here’s me not answering this question in 2015:

“Do you know why we have such a massive immigration problem in the first place? It’s because people like you (Roger Ailes) are sucking the world dry. You’re creating a massive third world wasteland. Your War on Drugs empowers the cartels. Admittedly progressives have also benefited from the ongoing rape of the world’s underdeveloped countries. Your endless resource-hunt has decimated ecosystems and enslaved local inhabitants. Worse still, people like you fund both sides of your endless wars,” and “Still, you want to blame the victims. Let’s blame the people flooding our borders who are going through hell to get away from hell you’ve created.”

—Mick Zano

You kind of forgot this party, huh? Imagine that. Oh, and here’s me not answering in Venn diagram form (2014).

The point of the old feature (above), is how solutions to any problem generally exist somewhere between a liberal and a moderate viewpoint. The Republican stance, regardless of the topic, remains irrelevant in the 21st century. This is mainly because your politicians—not you—your politicians have tracked so far right if the world were Yankee stadium, they’d be playing in the East River.

This could change, but it won’t. Republicans only offer batshit solutions to those scant few issues they can identify. Your solution is relevant, Pokey, but those you would elect…not so much. What you missed is: 1) how U.S. Policies have contributed to the sea of immigrants across the globe, 2) how the failed War on Drugs greatly impacts this issue, and 3) how a Republican congress will never pass immigration, in any way shape or reform.

So come up with the best plan you can, Pokey, for all the good it’ll do ya. You forgot the whole you’re-backing-a-bunch-of-blatant-obstructionists part didn’t ya? This becomes a longer term issue as we’re not likely to have a Republican president any time soon. If we do, immigration reform will be the least of our worries. You don’t seem to understand that part either. Best laid plans of vice and Venn?

Again, what’s the point of having a handle on immigration reform and then back a Cruz candidacy? It’s like solving world hunger after a zombie apocalypse. I maintain the answer to any of today’s problems consists of two steps:

The demise of the Republican party.

The solution phase of any given issue.

Sorry, but I’ve been calling for the reform of your party for over decade. Nothing relevant has come from the right side of the aisle since the death of Roger Ebert. [Winslow: Two “thumbs down” for that joke].

You’re correct in saying no one actually wants immigration reform, right or left. Whereas libs remain too humanistic and minority-vote hungry, Republicans will never surrender all that juicy cheap labor. Essentially the Republicans’ position is, deport everyone who is not on my personal payroll and Dems want amnesty for every potential Democratic voter. This isn’t news (my old take, here).

What this exchange does do is reinforce my own beliefs. It helps me further understand the rampant delusions of the right. They believe that their most liberal friend is on par with our President. This is ridiculous. They believe they have a copyright on all things common sensical, which is equally ridiculous.

As long as we’re on the topic of immigration: under a Democratic Presidency, the U.S. has harbored the least amount of refugees in the civilized world. Fifteen hundred have entered thus far and I think the grand total request from The White House was 10,000. A little shy of Germany’s million, huh? In fact, I hear Dr. Evil’s secret moon base is accepting a gazillion.

Look, when I make an assumption about Republican beliefs it’s because I am basing this on what their candidates actually say and do. I don’t base this on some crazy Trump supporter’s protest sign. Whereas Hillary and Obama are pragmatists, Cruz and Trump are idiots …wait, Trump is an idiot; Cruz is evil. The problem remains the most liberal hipster in Portland is not Barack Obama, but that Trump supporter sign may well indicate how The Donald would govern.

What is a more anger-filled way to say govern? How about legishates? Yeah, that’s it. Good luck, Pokey, supporting angry and evil candidates in the name of truth.

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. View all posts by Mick Zano →

Good response, Zano, though I have many comments and questions, which I will save for a latter article, but here a few:
1) do any Democratic leaders represent your immigration perspective? Sander? Clinton? Obama?
2) What about sanctuary cities?
3) How can we best encourage immigrants to assimilate into American culture when we are progressively deconstructing our American identity and Orthodox principles?

I worry that the United States is heading toward Belgianville. By transforming the fundamental principles underlying our national identity, we shall have nothing identifiably American to assimilate into.

I have been critical of Hillary, no doubt, which is why I snuck off to two Sanders rallies. ultimately, there’s only one thing I care about a Democratic president. The other scenario would spell disaster…. it would spell it wrong, of course.