When life gives you Shit...Grow Mushrooms

Kept in the Dark and Livin’ in ShitAugust 29, 2045 – Forty years after Hurricane Katrina devastated the Gulf Coast, Federal officials finally arrived at the city of New Orleans with a comprehensive aid package Authorized by President-for-Life Bobby Jindal. However, they were horrified to discover that after 40 years of neglect that the citizens of the struggling city had evolved into a race of sentient mushrooms. As one official wishing to remain anonymous put it: "They’ve been kept in the dark and living in shit for so long, this was bound to happen.”

Lacking any Federal or State resources, the mushroom people of New Orleans formed their own society headed by radical Shiitake cleric Moqtoadstool al-Sodomite. Federal officials caught up with the cleric as he was thumbing through a well-worn copy of Spores Illustrated, Slime Mold Edition. “We are governed by Morel codes,” said the cleric, “we are as firmly rooted in shit as any other government. Of course, there is always mushroom for improvement.” Moqtoadstool explained that his government is founded on racial memory of the mythical and possibly non-existent By-Laws of the Krewe of CRUDE. “These folks were obviously full of shit, which is the basis of our entire society.”

The radical cleric went on to explain that they had once had representatives to the US Congress, but had not seen them for years. “There used to be this David Vitter fellow, but the last time he was here, it was sort of a blustery day and someone made the mistake of saying ‘Hey, isn’t it windy outside?’ Well, he got this horrified look on his face and bolted out the window. We haven’t seen him since.”

“Then there was Dollar Bill Jefferson. He spent decades filing appeals to get a change of venue until he finally wound up in a court in Timbuktu. He was able to spread enough money around there that he got himself elected King Bill I. He and Princess Jalila ruled for years and eventually had to buy a deluxe commercial walk-in freezer.”

“There was a mayor, too, but nobody remembers his name, may the Immortal Mushroom of Oregon be praised !”

Meanwhile, the mushroom people hastily convened a meeting of their fUNgi Security Council to decide how to spend the unexpected influx of Federal aid. “Perhaps we can finally rebuild the Charity Emergency Shroom” said fUNgi spokesman Oyster Portobello.

The Mushroom People are expected to uproot their fruiting bodies of fungus from beneath their decaying houses for a triumphal march through the historic French Quarter chanting their national motto: “We are not to be truffled with!”