Think, for a minute, of someone you resent, because they did something hurtful to you. Notice how angry, tight, tired, and toxic you feel when you think of them? What about when you think of violence, like recent U.S. shootings between police and Black urbanites?

One of the highest and best things we can do, for ourselves and our loved ones, is to forgive. A bad divorce, a child who died young, a random shooting at a market, a loud neighbor—the list is endless. Some of us are carrying huge emotional burdens, due to past bad memories or perhaps current situations. Many hurts go on between relatives, friends, and communities. However, sometimes people manage to forgive, and the whole community is empowered. Allow yourself to be touched by the courageous forgiveness in this powerful true story.

On October 2, 2006, a pickup truck backed up to the front door of an Amish school. It was the West Nickel Mines School in Pennsylvania. A man who was angry at God went into the school, shot 10 girls and then himself. Five of the girls died. This small Amish community could have been devastated and could have shouted about discrimination, invasion, and revenge. They could have been consumed by resentment and hatred. They could have written books about their pain and sold the movie rights. They could have sued their way around the court system. They did no such thing.

“Holding a grudge is like drinking poison, hoping the other person will die.”

~ The Dalai Lama

Instead, they forgave Charles Roberts, the gunman, who had been their milk delivery man. One of Roberts’ children had died the day she was born, and he could not forgive God for that loss. Amish leaders went to Roberts’ widow’s home, told her they had forgiven Roberts, and offered comfort for her and her children. Later, they took the widow toys for her children. Citing their faith, the Amish gave up any burden of hatred or resentment, embodied compassion, acted out their forgiveness, and fulfilled reconciliation. They went to Roberts’ funeral and stood with his bereaved family. They leveled the school and built a new one on a different site, calling it “The New Hope School”.

“One of the secrets of a long and happy life is to forgive everybody everything before you go to bed each night.”

~ Bernard Baruch

Roberts’ widow came to the school dedication celebration, only 6 months after the shootings. The community had clearly declared a healing. A movie version of the story, Amish Grace, ran on the Lifetime Network, and Lifetime reported it was the most watched movie ever broadcast by their network. The movie is still available. Clearly, people are interested in forgiveness, unburdening of grudges, and the grace of reconciliation.

How would you have reacted if someone shot your child at his/her school? The Amish story raises afresh the question of what forgiveness is. A great definition is “giving up resentment or any claim for recompense for the wrong that has occurred.”

“Forgive us our wrongs as we forgive those who have wronged us.”

~ Jesus, on how to pray, Matthew 6:12

And research suggests resentment causes major stress for your mind and your cardiovascular system. Forgiveness can bring you peace within. If we can forgive personally and locally, can we forgive globally as well?

Are you holding any grudges? Would you like to feel better? Think of Amish grace. Try forgiving someone today, and notice how well you sleep tonight.

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Energy – Peace – Meditation

Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert. She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within: Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition(http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc ). Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine, available through her office. Just email SacredMeditation@kebba.com.

For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: bookings@kebba.com .

Yikes! It hit 110 degrees today in Phoenix! Summer is our weather-stress season, like winter is in cooler areas. In the Summer heat where you live, have you felt great today? Or were you hot, tired, and fog-brained? Maybe even a little sick? So could you use some expert heat-stress tips?

Feeling good, being well, and being productive, can be challenging in weather like this. But you can feel great and thrive during even our desert summers, if you take these tips to heart:

1. Get out of the heat. Do get 15 minutes of sun on your hands and face each day, for your body to produce enough Vitamin D. But you can get that while driving to an errand. The rest of the time, get out of the sun or wear sunscreen and sleeves. And don’t stop to think in the full sun! Adjust that grocery list before you go out the front door!

If you love to be outside, you can now buy special sun-blocking clothes from travel companies. You can get shirts designed to provide SPF 50 or higher, plus broad-brimmed hats with mesh-side crowns for through-flow of air. More difficult to find is the safari hat with its own built-in fan, but they are great for hiking. Cooling neck scarves are now widely available. Soak them to activate the gel inside, and store them in the frij between wearings. Water bottles, with a battery-operated personal fan attached, are amusing and do actually help you keep cooler.

If you get too much heat, you’ll generally know it. But if people tell you your face is bright red, this is not good. If your skin is totally dry, or if you feel nauseated or are vomiting, or if you feel totally drained and confused, these are clues you have heat exhaustion or heat stroke. Get to a cool, dim place, put a cool, damp cloth on your forehead, and try to drink water (with the chlorine filtered out). Remember:

Only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the noonday sun.

~ Rudyard Kipling

2. Protect your skin. If you don’t want to cover it, at least wear some sunscreen. There are new generations of sunscreen in clear or opaque forms, or colored to function as makeup foundation. Many moisturizers and makeup products contain SPF 15 or higher for day use. Powdered mineral-based foundation makeups provide non-chemical SPF 15. If you’re wild to have tan skin, and you weren’t born with it, check out spray tanning or tanning moisturizers. Be aware that these do not provide sun protection, however, and skin cancer is a concern. And remember to drink water to hydrate your skin. Support your skin by also eating foods that can help it stay moist and young-looking: fresh fruits, avocados, and dark greens like kale and baby romaine. Get the organic versions if you can, and you’ll have more energy.

3. Use common sense. Rest if you need to. Plan extra time to get enough sleep every day. Nap if you need to. And focus on thriving, throughout the month.

Next time: Keeping your energy up when it’s over 100!

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● Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert and the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within: Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc). She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister.

● Liked this article? You can buy Kebba’s books: just click the links!

It’s the last day of the old year, 2013, and already people are wishing each other a Happy New Year. TV networks have aired video summaries of the most colorful events of 2013. This morning, Arizona time, as people watched those videos over breakfast, Sydney, Australia had already crossed into the New Year and celebrated with fireworks. You have to watch those pesky time zones.

But wait! Have you properly said “[G]oodbye” to 2013? Before you launch into your New Year’s resolutions—and you know you will—how about first making your own summary list of all you accomplished or weathered or observed in the old year? My husband held a great-granddaughter on his lap for the first time. I finished the second edition of my newest book, Peace Within, and officiated an interfaith prayer service in a Catholic Church (think about it—I’ll wait) for International Day of Peace in September. A new Pope was elected, an Italian-speaking Hispanic, who embodies God’s love and goes by “Francis”, after St. Francis. And CBS says EsquireMagazine has named the Pope Best-Dressed Man Of The Year! For a Pope, he dresses simply, in white.

Why not make a list of all the frustrations and victories, disappointments and joys, that were there for you in this outgoing year? Take a piece of paper, or a word processor document, or create lists in your phone. Make 3 columns: what I didn’t like, what I did like, and what happened in the World that affected me. Take just 15 minutes, or more, if you realize it’s a powerful thing for you. You’ll notice a lot of accomplishments. Be proud. Celebrate the good. Toast to the wonders of the Old Year, and wait until midnight to ring in the New Year.

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● Kebba Buckley Button is the author of the 2013 book, Peace Within: Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition). Keep this book with you constantly, to quickly recharge your Peace Within, with quotes, photos, and poems that take you directly there! Kebba is a corporate stress management trainer, and she also has a holistic healing practice.

Got stress over gifting? In our continuing series on beating holiday stress, you were no doubt expecting us to talk about your budget, when talking about gifting. Yes, that’s important. And many have found a budgetary haven in home-making or home-baking an array of holiday gifts. But your time is valuable, too, and that hand-done basket of cookies may have an actual cost higher than ordering cookies to be delivered. My family found a cookie product with our last name, “Cookie Buttons”, and we get them delivered to every household of relatives, in various flavors, with free shipping. One big order and we’re done! Except for the cards and calls, but that’s another column.

So let’s back up and ask a question no other writer has ever asked about holiday gifting: what standard are you setting with what you’re spending, either in time or money? Most people are on a budget, and they don’t have either the time or talent to spend a day and a half at holiday time, baking holiday goodies. And while you may think your generous gifts will be received with the same joy as that with which you selected or made them, here’s news for you: many people will feel bad when they open your gift! Why? First, because they’ve been too stressed to even get around to gift decisions yet this year, and they don’t have one for you, so now they feel GUILTY. Second, because your cookies are so gorgeous and always delicious, and you arranged them so beautifully on the seasonal platter, and their baking will never be up to that standard, so now they feel INFERIOR. Yes, most people’s self-esteem is very low!

A great bet is to quit gifting altogether, other than reasonable gifts for children of the family and seasonal food gifts for others. With relatives, ask them if they would like to exchange gifts this year. You may be surprised how fast they say, with relief, “[O]h, that would be great to skip it this year!” For the office, a plate of cookies or a fruit tray, set out in the breakroom, is perfect. For your book club or other circle of friends, agree on a maximum value for gifts. Do not go overboard, or you may set an uncomfortable standard. How will your out-of-work friend match that $70 pitcher you got her from the high end kitchen store? For the kids, set a budget and stick to it, or you will be setting a standard you’ll have to answer for in future.

The gifts most loved ones would really like from you are calls, your time, your companionship, and the sound of your laughter. Round up some friends for a concert, a special church service, or to meet at a restaurant or for drinks. Consider an impromptu New Year’s brunch, at your place or at a restaurant. Show them you care. Show them you want to be connected. Share your love and laughter.

This season, may you have the least possible holiday stress! Happiest holidays from UpBeat Living! And this year, may there be Peace on Earth.

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● Kebba Buckley Button is the author of the 2013 book, Peace Within: Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition). Keep this book with you constantly, to quickly recharge your Peace Within, with quotes, photos, and poems that take you directly there! Kebba is a corporate stress management trainer, and she also has a holistic healing practice.

Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). ● Enjoyed this post? Please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column! You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

Are you over-Santa’d? Do you see far too many of those white-bearded guys with red suits, in commercials, movies, and TV shows? Meteorologists on many TV stations even pretend to track Santa as he travels the globe, supposedly delivering gifts to all good people. His image may have come to us culturally from the Danish “nisse” tradition: little helpful people with peaked red hats. But the Coca-Cola company created the current image of Santa—red suit, white trim, white beard, black boots, and rosy cheeks–and his cultural presence is now everywhere in the US and many other countries.

If you are a Christian, you may be truly baffled as to why anyone would tell the Santa myth to their kids. What a lot of fuss to keep up with this cultural setup, when the reason for the season is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. I know, Jesus was born in the Spring, but this is the time of year when we celebrate His birth, so stick with me for another minute.

So what can you do about Santa saturation? Insulate yourself! Choose your own Santa-free music, and play it, at home, in the car, and through your earbuds. Air only your preferred Santa-free movies, and don’t go caroling except with groups that leave out the Santa songs. Politely decline! Stay out of the malls until after December 26th, doing all your ordering online, or next year, before about December 1st.

The worst anti-Christian message of the Santa myth is that Santa is in charge of managing your kids, not you, the parent. Does this sound familiar: “[H]e knows if you’ve been sleeping. He knows if you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for Goodness’ sake!” Wait, isn’t that God? So parents who teach their kids to be good, so that Santa will bring them gifts, are handing off their parenting to Santa! Hello? Does this make sense? Can we just step back and take a fresh look at this whole Santa thing? The presents are from loved ones, the late-night cookies are eaten by the parents who’ve stayed up late wrapping gifts, and the tree was decorated entirely by people who care and who the kids know.

So if you’re Christian to some degree, let’s sing a round of “It came upon a midnight clear” and then a round of “Oh little town of Bethlehem.” Let’s thank God for those precious children and the one baby whose birth we celebrate on Christmas. Thank God for all the good in your life and all the good to come. Let Santa be completely on his own this Christmas.

Happiest holidays from UpBeat Living! And this year, may there be Peace on Earth.

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● Kebba Buckley Button is the author of the 2013 book, Peace Within: Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition). Keep this book with you constantly, to quickly recharge your Peace Within, with quotes, photos, and poems that take you directly there! Kebba is a corporate stress management trainer, and she also has a holistic healing practice.

Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). ● Enjoyed this post? Please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column! You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

Do you love Christmas trees? In the US, a passion to put a tree in the living room and decorate it is widespread. I know Christians, Jews, and Buddhists who love to get a tree and decorate it, then leave it up for a couple of weeks, at least.

At least as early as the 18th Century, Germans and Scandinavians were decorating pine trees, outdoors or indoors, for the Christmas season. Straw and fabric ornaments, and lighted candles, gave way in recent decades to metal and glass ornaments, with strings of electric lights. People now can choose between natural trees and artificial ones. Artificial trees may look exactly natural or may look like spun metal. And the newest ones have branches that fold neatly as you slide it into its special bag for storage until next year. There are trees taller than most living rooms and trees as small as the tabletop Nativity set. Some families make an annual tradition of going to the tree lot or even to the National Forests, tree-cutting permit in hand.

If you haven’t yet settled on a tree for this year, consider a natural tree, to be recycled, or “treecycled”, or a reuseable manufactured tree. If family members are allergic to pine fragrance, then the choice is clear: artificial is best. Get the tabletop size and you can just pop it into its box to store for next year. Some come pre-lit and pre-decorated, so that’s much less holiday work and stress.

However, if you really love natural trees, get the freshest one you can, and set it up with a water container under it, to help the branches stay moist. Decorate and enjoy. And when you know it’s too dry to stay up, take all the ornaments and icicles off, and recycle it for mulch. Call your Public Works Department, or put “Christmas Tree Recycling” in the search bar on your computer or your phone. This year, the City of Phoenix offers this link, for pickups of Christmas trees: phoenix.gov/publicworks/recycling/christmastreecycling.html‎. Oh, and take your natural-pine wreath too. Staff run your tree through a huge shredder, creating mulch that is then used in parks.

If you got a natural tree in a container, certain types can be replanted by your Parks Department! Wouldn’t it feel good to have your family’s memories, and your Christmas tree, go on to live in a park for many years? Whatever you decide, it should bring you less stress and more joy.

Happiest holidays from UpBeat Living! And this year, may there be Peace on Earth.

——————

● Kebba Buckley Button is the author of the 2013 book, Peace Within: Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition). Keep this book with you constantly, to quickly recharge your Peace Within, with quotes, photos, and poems that take you directly there! Kebba is a corporate stress management trainer, and she also has a holistic healing practice.

Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). ● Enjoyed this post? Please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column! You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

If you are not feeling perfect peace within right now, read on. If you are stressed, if you have any aches, pains, loss of concentration, or relationship damage from stress, read on. If you ache for internal quietude, read on.

Peace Within, Second Edition. Photo by George Rocheleau.

Peacefulness comes from being balanced, from being clear about your beliefs, and from living in that clarity and in your connection with the Divine. Peacefulness is supported by perfect health, whatever that means for you.

Peace within generates peace in your relationships and anywhere you go in your world. It generates peaceful vibes that others can feel, and that they respond to. So when you are peaceful inside your body, mind, heart, and spirit, you breed peace wherever you are.

People love a pleasant person and a pleasant experience. So a person who is quietly radiant with inner peace will be receiving positive, gentle and enthusiastic connections with others. Now what if everyone in the World were cultivating Peace Within? Ghandi famously said, “[B]e the peace you want to see.” That is the way this works.

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● Kebba Buckley Button is the author of the 2013 book, Peace Within: Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition). Keep this book with you constantly, to quickly recharge your Peace Within, with quotes, photos, and poems that take you directly there! Kebba is a corporate stress management trainer, and she also has a holistic healing practice.

Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). ● Enjoyed this post? Please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column! You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

Today, there are two take-home messages: using the word “stress” to mean “focus”, and using the UpBeat Living Energy Equation(sm). Enjoy!

1. Use the Word “Stress” for Focus

When people talk about “having stress,” sometimes they mean causes and sometimes they mean effects. For example: people say they “have stress” when they mean they have too much to do. Other people say they “have stress” when they mean they have headaches or other physical results of their reactions to having too much to do. So, some people are telling you about conditions that could cause stress, and some people are describing the symptoms in their bodies. It’s certainly valid to say you have too much to do, or any other situation you don’t like. However, it adds to your confusion and therefore to your stress, to throw causes, choices,and results all into the mental bucket labelled “stress.” I want you to clear your mind by changing the way you use this word “stress” now. Think of what you want to “stress,” emphasize, or “focus on,” in your life. Think of people saying, “The Mayor gave a speech today, and he stressedhow important it is that we improve the quality of downtown lifestyle.” In this example, the Mayor put emphasis on a topic. He made it important.

So how can you imitate that? What do you want to make important? How do you want your life to be? Do you want to spend your life responding to annoyances? To Discover The Secret Energized You, it is vital that you become an Energy Manager in your life instead of managing the stress around you.

2. Live By the UpBeat Living Energy Equationsm

Now that you are focusing and emphasizing, you’ll find The UpBeat Living Energy Formula is simple yet powerful: ADD POSITIVE STRESS TO GET MORE ENERGY, AND ADD NEGATIVE STRESS TO GET LESS ENERGY. We have less overall energy with more negatives in our day and more overall energy by adding positives to our days and our lives. Negative stress makes us tired, and positive stress gives us energy. So: what are some positives you could add to your life?

If you aren’t convinced yet, that stress can create either disease or wellness, here are some of the many potential negative health effects of negative stress, if it is allowed to go uncontrolled for too long: mental distress,loss of concentration, depression, crabbiness, emotional outbursts, physical pains, illnesses, aging, shorter lifespan, and even death.

One emotion that has been proven seriously damaging to our health is anger. In biomedical studies announced in 1995, The Heartmath Institute learned that persons who hold an angry thought of their choosing for only five minutes have seven nervous system factors depressed for six hours. The factors are functions of a part of the nervous system which controls the body’s immune system. Therefore, we know anger damages the immune system. And how many of us, when we have a really hot, angry thought going, limit ourselves to only five minutes?

It is vital that we learn to see things differently and respond differently, or learn to discharge anger. Some simple discharge techniques will be covered later in this series. You may be surprised at how enjoyable these methods can be.

Consider journalling out your thoughts about the types of stress causes and effects you have in your life. What’s going on for you, and what are you focusing on? It’s your life.

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● Kebba Buckley Button is a corporate stress management trainer and the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You, and the 2012 book, Peace Within: Your Peaceful Inner Core. She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister.

● Your comments are welcome!

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column.

“The Mother of Holistic Medicine”, Dr. Gladys T. McGarey (M.D., M.D.H.), has said, “Stress is probably ultimately the underlying cause of all disease.” Now, medical research has revealed that there is no longer any doubt that stress is a factor in human health conditions, especially depression, heart disease, HIV/Aids, and some virally caused cancers. In a review of a range of medical studies, psychology professor Sheldon Cohen, of Carnegie Melon University, found two pathways by which stress might increase how sick we are.

First, stressed people don’t sleep well and are less likely to take care of themselves and follow doctors’ orders. Second, stress impacts the body’s endocrine system, which should be releasing certain patterns of hormones that affect the immune system and inflammation. Stress creates changes that create changes that may, in turn, cause or increase illness. Cohen found a strong relationship between stress and depression, especially in people with strong social stress factors, like a divorce or the death of someone they love. Workplace stress and other forms of chronic stress, however, were more likely to contribute to heart disease. Since 2000, a number of studies have also shown that there is a link between stress and HIV/AIDS.

Have you ever noticed you were more tired when stressed? Did you ever have a cold that got worse when you got bad news? Who has experienced neck pain and headaches, when there is too much to do, or there is just too much going on around you?

Your symptoms are natural! The body does not like negative stress! Below is a chart of Stress Sources. Glance over the chart and ask yourself, “when was this true for me?” Then journal out your thoughts.

How do you react to stress, or how you have reacted in the past?

Next time, we begin a series on specific tools for beating stress, whatever the cause! Stress is costly, and this is your life!

● Kebba Buckley Button is a corporate stress management trainer and the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You, and the 2012 book, Peace Within: Your Peaceful Inner Core. She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister.

● Your comments are welcome!

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column.