No, Ladies, Men Are NOT Intimidated By Intelligence!

This topic has been floating around GAG recently and it both baffles and annoys me to see just how delusional some women are.

We've all seen it before: girl goes on a date, gets rejected, then proceeds to list her academic and/or career achievements without even considering the possibility that a myriad of other reasons could have made the guy run for the hills and asks whether guys are scared of her uber smarts.

Yep, that's right. After countless rejections they stew in their bitterness until eventually coming to the conclusion that it must be because they're ultra smart and that "the man's ego can't handle it".

If you were truly as intelligent as you claim to be, you would possess this grand thing called common sense and realise that there are countless other things your date could have disliked about you starting from your looks to not liking your entire personality.

Only an incredibly self-absorbed woman could ever come to the conclusion that men dislike her for a good and highly desirable quality.

I could never date her, she's so smart and amazing! My teeny weeny weenie cannot handle her genius, I am not worthy of this brilliant maiden! -falls on face in awe!

This is how you come across. Like an egotistical self-centered princess who cannot handle the possibility she's not god's gift to mankind. That maybe, just maybe he didn't like your attitude or how you carry yourself or your ideologies didn't align or your moralities didn't match or there was simply no chemistry whatsoever.

Unfortunately, you're so far up your own arsehole, you can't seem to see past the breakfast you ate this morning before typing up your circle jerk fest of a question so other women just like yourself could come and stroke your fragile ego even more, telling you how fantastic you are, patting each other on the back for being oh so great.

By claiming that men aren't attracted to you because of intelligence what you're really confirming to everyone is that you're:

Conceited

Delusional

Short sighted

Bitter

Full of shit

A truly brilliant woman would understand that she can't be liked by everyone due to diversity in tastes for both looks and personality. A truly brilliant woman will look back at the previous night and assess how she may have come across to see if maybe a change would be benefitial for the future. A truly brilliant woman will pose her question by describing the whole night requesting feedback on what could have gone wrong instead of asking whether her magnanimous brain scared away the man.

If you genuinely believe men are intimidated by intelligent women, you are far from being one.

The truth of the matter is men absolutely adore intelligent women. Being able to hold a stimulating conversation on a number of subjects, show considerable knowldege and ability to form logical arguments is one of the biggest turn ons men have for women, right after being physically attractive.

If you're both beautiful and actually intelligent, men will fall over each other for the chance to win your heart. Beauty + intelligence = holy grail of the dating world.

"An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself."- Albert Camus

An intelligent person first and foremost is self aware. They are critical of themselves and will fully comprehend why some of their qualities could have been seen as unappealing instead of confining themselves to a box of delusion and self worship.

While I'm sure men who are intimidated by intelligence do exist, they are far and few in between and are usually on the lower end of the intellectual bar, which shouldn't really concern you, since you would undoubtedly wouldn't want to be with an ignorant person in the first place, right?

Why would you be upset over being rejected by someone you deemed inferior?

Most likely because your date was actually up to your standard and it crushed you to find out you were not up to theirs.

"There's nothing like rejection to make you do an inventory of yourself."- James Lee Burke

What Guys Said 48

Most often highly intelligent people don't know how intelligent they actually are, because they are not in the vast majority of all cases like

"Oh hey, look at my straight As, I must be so smart". I was diagnosed as a high IQ individual due to a depression I had from 16 to 18 and all the trouble I had at school.

Actually, the more intelligent you are, the more likely you are to doubt anything and everything, yourself included, you tend to underestimate yourself in many regards.

That's where the cliche of the "socially awkward nerd" stems from.

They think they are not good enough, since they only focus on their flaws and negative sides, and they usually somewhat notice they are different from the rest.

However, what makes those high IQ people intimidating to the more average people is their being different.

If you put someone with an IQ of 70 (european scale) into a room with only average people (around IQ 100), the average people will spot the IQ 70 individual quickly.The opposite case would be putting an IQ 130 individual in such a room, the average people will literally smell it.

What is intimidating to the average is the "fear of the unknown" - they can barely relate to the IQ 70 or IQ 130 individual... - Unless the IQ 130 individual has learned how to interact with them and knows about what makes him different.

I had to learn this in 2 years of therapy - which I refused at first, like most people would. - Nobody wants to be seen as a "freak" after all...

Intelligence is also something that is hard to define. There are many types of intelligence, like verbal or numerical intelligence or spacial intelligence.Or interpersonal intelligence , aka "street smart" - which I personally think is the most useful kind of intelligence. You can tell who is your enemy or a 100% trustworthy person within minutes.

@Azara @MaskedSanity : There are some more aspects that just came to my mind :

Intelligence is correlated with life success (usually, not always) and a woman who is intelligent is hence more likely to be successful in her career and hence have a high social status. There aren't that many men who have an equally high social status. They might be intimidated by her having a higher status in society at first. But attraction or even (real) love do not depend on wealth or status.

I remember one time I was talking to a girl, I can't remember exactly what we were talking about but she ended up bitching a little bit about another girl (or other girls maybe, not sure, but anyway), she casually makes this remark about her having gone to university and linking to being smart as if to justify her shit-talking. It was pretty unattractive to say the least.

Reference notes for girls:- Be able to have an intelligent conversation about interesting shit that you're passionate about.- I *do not* give a crap about your education. Being funny and bright and all that jazz is amazing, but dropping your qualifications or something akin to that like I'm *supposed* to care is just irksome. (Unless it's actually relevant to the topic for credibility)- Another point about education. There's knowledge, then there's intellect, then there's wisdom. A degree doesn't move you up a linear scale or ladder of intelligent people. What a mind can do and everything that's attractive about it is vast, a degree is so little of that - and if it's a women's studies degree I may even consider you more dumb because of your education.- Humility is key. I have a high IQ, but rubbing it in people's faces like they are supposed to care is just an asshole move - and if the person you're talking turns out to be more intelligent than you then that makes you look even worse.Beauty + Intelligence + Humility (personality?) is where it's at.

Lol, right on. I've also heard there's more ridiculous courses popping up in "academia."

A course called "U. S. Race Theory & the Problem of Whiteness." What the fudge?There is something called "Critical Whiteness Studies" Is this real life?Critical Whiteness Studies is a field "concerned with dismantling white supremacy in part by understanding how whiteness is socially constructed and experienced.” I love how they just talk about these things like it's totally real so all the impressionable students believe it, what a strategy.

Interesting idea that someone would think that its their best quality that is driving others away. You'd think they would consider the possibility that their worst quality would be what would have that effect.

I will only go out with girls who are as smart or smarter than I am. I want to be able to have debates with her about world issues or morals, or discussions on science and history. I don't want a girl who just agrees with the opinions of others, I want one who makes her own. In short, I feel that dating a smart girl adds another level to the relationship that I find desirable.

THANK YOU finally someone said what needed to be said, good mytake I whole heartily agree, also kudos on using Sinatra, nice touch.

I personally love intelligent women because I'm the kind of guy that likes to be challenged and stimulated not only physically but also mentally I like to discuss things like art, history, politics all of that kind of stuff so if a lady is intelligent and can actually talk to me about these kinds of things then that is a plus in my book.

To be honest, if there's one reason to feel intimated, it's that "She's so cool, am I up to her standards?" but that's more awe than flat-out rejection. Rejecting someone for the specific reason of being a great person just doesn't make sense!

I get the point you're trying to make, I really do, but I also get that you expect these "self-centered and egoistical" women to just hide their successes and just smile and look pretty (that way she won't make the guy run off) but hiding your triumphs, just to retain a guy/girl, just to be safe and not come off as cocky... isn't right.

I sense a little bit of anger in this take, but overall I am kind of surprised to see it from Masked. She is right, generally, that males are not impressed. I would like to chime in that men in our era (especially mine) have been conditioned to compete with high intelligence levels and/or competance among our own sex, and that feeling inadequate is not the "correct" way we should feel (more determination is typically a given). Granted women have now joined the club post-era feminism, he is not going to be turned on by an obvious rival, and I doubt she will either. They got to be in different disciplines, and unfortunately being good at what you do will only impress your parents. Other virtues will be needed to carry the day for both of them.

People who are intimidated by someone else's intellect are individuals that base their self esteem on their intelligence. So anyone that brings their level of knowledge into question is a threat to their ego.

That's actually a really small percentage of men. For the most part what's actually bothersome are girls that act superior, because of how knowledgeable they are but that's really more an issue of character than it is intelligence.

Intelligence is intimidating in the good way. It's like when you're being interviewed for the best job, the one you truly want. You're intimidated by it, but you're super excited and you want it with all your heart.No guy, I repeat, NO GUY, will reject a woman because she's intelligent. I'd like to know how many women have been told their intelligence was the reason to never date her again. Women who believe that clearly have a lack of intelligence, and they don't wanna admit their conceitedness and "stick-up-their-asholeness" was the reason why the guy decided to never talk to them again.

Precisely. Like a few other men mentioned here, loyalty and humility are higher on their priority list, so of course if they sense the lady doesn't meet those standards, no amount of intelligence is gonna make up for it. But that doesn't mean they got rejected BECAUSE of intelligence.

Excellent take @MaskedSanity ( .. standing ovation ) "The truth of the matter is men absolutely adore intelligent women "... Correct , a woman would NOT select a man with clearly inferior traits & genes , so why would a man select a vapid , braindead bimbo. It is a snarly, egotistical , superior attitude that repels men.

It's arrogance that's likely the problem, and arrogant stupid women would be just as bad, or much worse, but I could look past someone who's not always the swiftest if they are an enjoyable as a person as a whole.

It's not that I have an ego... but if she is talking and if I can't relate to the topic she's talking to me then it would really have a big problem for me. Buti noticed that pretty Girls who have practically everything (smart, good personality, good looks, sporty, leader, etc.) are not simply attracted to a guy like me... I can't blame them for going to guys who are popular

I'm not intimidated in the least. In fact I prefer a woman who's smart, has a lot going for her and engages in intellectual conversation as opposed to a girl who is dumb and is about as interesting as watching paint dry.

I mean if you put three women in a room i think at first the guys will go the dumb helpless girl who makes doe eyed faces at him as he does her work for her. over time however i think he'd get bored and end up with the most intelligent girl stopping in between for the mix.

being an intelligent woman you just have to play a different game and be a bit more patient...

What Girls Said 20

Women and guys alike need to grasp at some reason that someone doesn't like them. For women, it is easier to think men are scared off by intelligence rather than accept that they may have an overbearing or obnoxious personality, or that the guy rejected them because for whatever reason they physically weren't appealing to him.

Guys do the same, although they may blame their financial situation or whatever.

To acknowledge that someone just doesn't like YOU is a hard thing for some people.

I think everyone is intimidated by another person's intelligence if there is a huge gap. And as far as men are concerned, i don't think most men would actually ask a girl out who's much more intelligent than they are. A guy on a date with a much more intelligent women would have a hard time keeping her interested so the whole conversation and interaction would be forced and mentally straining and she'd get bored very quickly so the dislike would be mutual.

This would be the case, if not for these same women venturing online going "woe is me, I get rejected all the time, must be my brains". Surely if she didn't think he was up to her standards, she wouldn't get all butthurt about it.

Makes no sense to get upset over something you didn't like in the first place.

I tend to think the statement "He's intimidated by my intelligence" is just a phrase someone came up with to self-soothe after being rejected for something that probably had absolutely NOTHING to do with intelligence.

Getting rejected sucks. It doesn't feel nice, I know. I've been there several times. I'm there now. Guys go through this personal hell all the time. I wish these women would keep in mind, though, that he has the right to want who he wants. Ladies, if it's not you, don't sweat it. You may be the greatest thing since sliced bread, but NOT TO HIM. They shouldn't project their insecurity about rejection onto him by claiming that he's "intimidated" by their "intelligence." Anyone claiming this as a reason for him not being interested seemingly has no idea of the meaning of either intimidation or intelligence.

And that you are smh. LMAO wow can't believe woMEN like you actually exist. I bet you will be happy to be a housewife huh? Sorry (not so sorry) to break it to you but not all women want to be slave to men. You wonna be slave, BY ALL MEANS be it but dont spread your sexist brainwashing crap to other strong women that thrive from respect and would love to be treated like a person

Idgaf. I'm just tired of women like you. Pretending like men are prefect and crap. KNOWING some have fukked up flaws but will defend them to the end. Make other strong women that are for women HATE women. That's messed up

Sweetie I said "PRETENDING". which is what you and half the women on this website do lol. All y'all do is kiss their ass lol it's pathetic. Also I am not a feminist. Thats how I can also tell you're a sexist because you assumed I'm a feminist for standing up against crap. And I'm not real if I dont stand up for what I believe

@zagor First of all idiot I NEVER said this was about me. My comment was directed towards the idiotic asker that pretends like NO man is intimated by a woman's intelligence. Why are most men sexist then? Because they dont want a woman to be in charge. Learn to read :)

Please lol. You should be saying that about yourself. you're sad. you're a sexist, you kiss men ass, and you obviously dont love yourself. you're a sad case girl. Your 27, you should love yourself already. Men won't kiss your ass back because most only care about themselves and love sleeping around. I feel sorry for you though lol

Ok, well, point semi taken (no self worship or similar by the way God forbid!). I just want to say - my Ivy League fellow student told me I was intimidating for that specific reason that you say doesn't exist. And I'm sorry that I come across as, apparently, a conceited jerk - but I've struggled for years with guys acting like they really care but never exactly making a move, and the only conclusion people can come to is that it *is* my credentials etc. (thank God for those). Maybe I do appear manly as that one person mentioned, or maybe they think I want someone higher-achieving. I don't know. But I've struggled for years and tried to improve and this is making me not want to discuss my problems with others if this is how the world sees them/me. :/

Not looking forward to the comments but I can't just read this and not say anything.

I think she is both right and wrong. We are all different. I happen to like intelligent women. I find it kind of intimidating yeah, you always wonder if you'll be enough to keep her interested. At the same time, at least in my case, not enouh to discourage me. I don't doubt that some men will be too intimidated to do anything. I think that believing that we are all alike is her mistake.

I'm both inward- and outward-focused - and self-critical yes. Shy no. And guys just don't seem to want to actually take the step to be with me, even if they act very interested, and never have. I've also had to deal with what we call the "h-bomb": telling people where I went to school. It's taken me years to be comfortable with that.

They seem interested but don't exactly pursue other than as friends - the interest is never explicitly one way or the other. The only ones who have ever admitted to liking me were either cornered, very drunk, or similar. It's... not very fun.

Mine's more like there never were dates. They just acted as if I meant a great deal to them (and as if they were attracted, often) but never pursued me and if I ever got up the courage to ask they said they didn't see me that way, perhaps to keep our friendship.

In your case, he said it to you, it's not you assuming, which is what this Take is about, women getting rejected and believing it's because of their intelligence.A man who rejects a woman for her intelligence, isn't a man you wanna be around. He has insecurities, that's all.I think you should be proud of that, look at the bright side. If he's not happy of your achievements and intelligence, he shouldn't be with you, it shows selfishness, and it'll translate to other aspects of the relationship.Your intelligence and credentials will attract the right kind of men, don't worry about it, use it as a way to filter right from wrong, not as something wrong with you.

@AleDeEurope It just seems to filter, well, everyone. So for a long time I thought something was wrong with me. :/

But I'm trying to see it positively. It's just - this was a high-achieving, very confident dude at a great school, how much higher is there to go? Stay at that level and poke around I guess...

Thanks by the way. And you're right that it's a bit different but when I read the MyTake I thought "what if people see me this way" - I already feel awkward enough trying to talk about certain things in my life in a non-obnoxious way.

That guy might have been all that, but doesn't mean that as a person he is as good as in school. You being intelligent threatened him. He's a pussy, no matter how highly achieved he is.There are men of less status than him that will love your intelligence and achievements, cause deep down they're sure of themselves and not insecure.

( -_-) What are you trying to prove when you're title is already misleading with "men are not intimidated by intelligence" because indeed they are.. and many other people vice versa are intimidated by intelligence. Intelligence is like the holy grail because it can empower other traits like humor, etc. And if I go on a date with a guy and he runs for the hills, i'm pretty sure women don't back themselves up with "BUT I'M SMART WTF" or the opposite "But I totally acted stupid, isn't that what guys like :-((?" (Well lets admit it, some do.) But the first thing I would go to is like "Oh shit, does my breath smell" or "Did I not meet his beauty standards" etc etc. And yasss, R. I. P Frank Sinatra my #MCM

That doesn't mean someone hasn't lead me on before. Age doesn't exactly define maturity or intelligence, it defines experience. And ya, you may be more experienced than me being 34. But i've been in love, k.

actually a lotto guys say they dont like intelligent womwen. not that they are intimidated (bc men dont get intimidated ;p) but they just dont find it attractive. then they make excuses.

its too manly-bc women are naturally dumb.

it means shoes assertive-which is bad bc then she won't be a slave.

she's too opinionated- thats bad bc it is hard to control any opinionated person.

men comp up with a lot of incredibly sexist issues with female intelligence... like 'its not natural. she can be sort of smart but men have to be smarter.,

im sire many women who blame rejection n intelligence could be wrong. doesn't men women dont get rejected for being smart, or that guys dont feel entitled t be made to feel smarter than the woman, even if he's not, in reality fortunate to actually be, smarter.

dating advice warns women about coming across too intelligent or competent least the guy be made to feel unmanly... as if incompatence and idiocy are traits of the female sex.

I don't agree with this post. I find that most men are highly intimidated by very intelligent women. They never know what topic will stimulate the female. They tried to show their intelligence in an area that does not require intelligence. Music dancing modern culture all our bullshit and not indicative of someone's intelligence. I don't go out with guys who are not intelligent but that judgment is made by me. If a guy starts a conversation with me I asked him if he knows what's going on in the world does he read a newspaper. If he doesn't know current events, he's an idiot. And believe me there are a lot of idiots out there.

@Unhappy_Sock That is my metric for intelligence. If you do not follow what's going on in the world meaning you do not read a newspaper or follow events on the Internet such as the New York Times or the Washington Post, I have no interest in you. I do not judge you to be aware and intelligent.

@Unhappy_Sock you take my words and twist them out of context. I'm not speaking of people in the jungle. I am speaking of people I potentially might date or might interact in some kind of social or academic context. Please read the initial question. If you find you can generalize the answer, then go ahead you are doing a great job. It is a very intelligent way of evaluating an individual, appeared to enjoy being inflammatory. I do not wish to participate any further.

I don't think as many intelligent people are smug assholes (though they're out there) as there are intelligent people who are boring to others who don't share their interests. I say this as an intelligent, but fairly boring person.

For instance, I was talking to my mother the other day about a historical event I'd recently learned about and picked up that she quickly became disinterested - and she's quite brainy! Likewise, my last boyfriend was an engineer and would talk about electricity until he ran out of breath and it took some work on my part to find it as fascinating as he did.

It's hard, because most intelligent people are bursting to share their interests, but sometimes you have to work to find middle ground of conversation topics with a date/partner and then get into the gritty details of your niche interest with an online group or a colleague, etc.

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Opinion Owner

I think some people of both sexes aren't socially aware enough to understand the difference between being mentally astute and socially engaging. So it confuses them and they wonder, "Why is my intelligence such a turn off?" when the real issue is not very many people share the intensity of their interests and they don't adapt accordingly.

The reason I didn't bring it up, though, is that in most of the posts these women are just boasting, then patting each other on the back in the comment section.

Being extremely passionate about a certain subject could indeed make one come across, as you said, - boring. However, it doesn't ding in men's heads "Yep, she's a genius, better get away from her!", more like "I don't share her passion for x, the conversation is getting boring, I'm bored, she's boring, meh..."

To assume intelligence itself is the sole perpetrator is simply ludicrous.

I know the type you mean. It's annoying and the attitudes are off putting. The others just notice that people seem put off by their "smart talk" but don't have the social skills to figure out why. So it seems like "intelligence = fail," rather than "too many mundane, unrelatable details = fail."

Though, to be fair, I've heard just as many boring conversations about clothes, sports, hunting, routine child care, work, tv shows, etc for the same reason. The art of conversation seems to be dwindling and some people do just need some guidance on how to be more interesting and engaging.