Recently a man applied for a position w/ the county sheriff’s department in the southernmost part of Texas. He has passed all written and physical exams has only the interview to go through before a decision will be made.

The Sergeant doing the interview says, “Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted.”

Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says, “Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit.”

“Why the rabbit?”

“That’s the attitude we want,” says the Sergeant. “When can you start?”

A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President
George W. Bush. The flood began in the presidential bathroom where both of
the books were kept. Both of the books have been lost.

A presidential spokesperson said the president was devastated, as he had
almost finished coloring the second one.

A cocky representative from the Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a farm and said to the farmer, “I’m here to inspect your farm.”

The old farmer said “OK, but whatever you do, don’t go in the field on the left.”

The Agriculture representative said, “Look mister, I have the authority of the U. S. Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I wish, WHENEVER I wish, on ANY agricultural land, no questions asked or answered. Do you understand, THAT?”

The farmer nodded politely and went about his farm chores. Later, he heard loud screams and saw the D of A Rep running for the fence, his briefcase and papers flying like confetti. Close behind was the farmer’s huge-horned prize bull, which was mad as a nest of hornets. The bull was gaining on the Rep at every step and the Rep started screaming like a girl.

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and walked out into the lobby where he met President Bush. They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said, “You know, I Have just one question about what I have seen in America.”

President Bush said, “Well, anything I can do to help you, I will.”

The Iranian whispered “My son watches this show ‘Star Trek’ and in it There is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, and Sulu who is Japanese, but no Arabs. My son is very upset and doesn’t understand why there Aren’t any Iranians on Star Trek.”

President Bush laughed, leaned toward the Iranian ambassador, and whispered back, “It’s because it takes place in the future.”

Three guys — a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American engineer are walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. “I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total” says the Genie.

The Canadian says, “I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada .”

Pooooof! With a blink of the Genie’s eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, “I want an impenetrable wall around Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, and Syria with all believers of Mohammad inside and all Jews, Americans, and other infidel forever outside our precious state.”

Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie’s eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.

The American engineer asks, “I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall”.

A Somalian arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, “Thank you, Mr. American, for letting me in this country, giving me housing, foodstamps, free medical care, and free education!”

The passerby says, “You are mistaken, I am Mexican.”

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. “Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!” The person says, “I not American, I Vietnamese.”

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, “Thank you for the wonderful America!” That person puts up his hand and says, “I am from Middle East. I am not American!”

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, “Are you an American?” She says, “No, I am from Russia!”

Two patients limp into two different Medical Clinics with the same complaint.

Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.

The first patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The second sees the family doctor after waiting a week for an appointment, then waits eighteen weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn’t reviewed for another month, and finally has his surgery scheduled for a year from then.

Flags Made in America!

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About This Site

First of all, you will like this site because it has lots of sarcasm, plenty of humor, and a healthy dose of everything your dear mommy warned you not touch when taking a shower at the local athletic club.