Citizen Cain: He's able but unelectable

Radio personality Herman Cain peformed well in a GOP debate in May, but some commentators don't give him much of a chance. (JONATHAN ERNST, REUTERS)

To all of those readers who say I should give my attention to the rising presidential campaign of Republican Herman Cain, I am happy to announce that he has it.

And to all those who ask, "Who the heck is Herman Cain?" I respond, "You know, the pizza guy."

Known as the business whiz who brought the Godfather's Pizza chain back from extinction, Citizen Cain stole the show at May's Republican presidential debate. A post-debate focus group of the Grand Old Party's voters, led by political consultant Frank Luntz, overwhelmingly decided Cain won and his poll ratings surged upward.

That didn't surprise those who have heard the 65-year-old speak. Cain has his own radio talk show and appears regularly as a Fox News guest commentator, two jobs that recently have become almost a prerequisite for a Republican presidential candidacy.

He tells a stirring narrative as a cancer survivor who solves problems and hates what big government and liberals have done to people. No problem there either, as far as the GOP's right wing is concerned.

A nationwide Gallup poll of Republican voters released before the Memorial Day weekend shows Cain with 8 percent support. That wouldn't sound like much, except in the Grand Old Party's currently crowded field, it puts him ahead of Tim Pawlenty, Michele Bachmann, Jon Huntsman and Rick Santorum and not all that far behind front-runner Mitt Romney, who received just 17 percent.

In a simultaneous CNN poll of GOP voters, Cain tied with Newt Gingrich and was close behind Ron Paul, Sarah Palin and Romney. But among tea party supporters, Cain came in second only to Rudy Giuliani who has not indicated he wants to run.

Yet Cain has yet to win much respect from Republicans who care about winning elections. He was dismissed as "entertainment" by conservative Fox News commentator Charles Krauthammer, for example, and was labeled as less-than-serious by fellow Fox pundit and former George W. Bush strategist Karl Rove.

But Cain shrugs off the naysayers and double-dog dares the media to look for gaffes, stumbles and "gotchas" in his record.

"And to my critics who are scouting for more of my weaknesses to write about," he wrote in response to Rove, Krauthammer and other critics, "I will give you three you have not discovered yet. I don't know everything. I don't pander to groups. And I am terrible at political correctness."

I suppose he was referring to his recent appearance on Fox News when he did not seem to know what the "right of return" was, a key issue in the Middle East peace process. "It would have helped if (interviewer Chris Wallace) would have said Palestinian right of return," said Cain in a later Washington Post interview. Cain also is "currently reading a book on Israel," according to the Post article. Good. Better late than never. I hope it's a good book.

And, when it comes to political correctness, I'm sure Cain is talking about such projects as the 2006 radio ad that he placed on black-oriented radio stations to promote voting Republican. The New York Sun reported that the Cain-backed America's PAC, a political action committee that used stereotypical language and imagery, raised almost $1 million for the ad campaign. A sample dialogue:

Unidentified male voice: "… So, I suppose you want me to vote Republican, like you and your soldier buddies?"

Cain: "Not at all, you've got no reason to."

UMV: "How's that?"

Cain: "Well you don't work for a living, so what do you care about keeping taxes low?"

UMV: "Hey that's cold!"

Cain: "You cheat on your wife, so why would you want an amendment to protect marriage?"

UMV (Proudly): "Hey, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do …!"

Cain: "And if you make a little mistake with one of your hos, you'll want to dispose of that problem toutsuite(quickly), no questions asked."

UMV: "No, now that's too cold! I don't snuff my own seed."

Cain: "Huh? Really? Well maybe you do have a reason to vote Republican!"

Translation: If you don't vote Republican, you must be a lazy, shiftless, oversexed, unpatriotic, soldier-hating, baby-killing, deadbeat parent who makes babies with his "hos."