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Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Bullying Sucks.

Bullying
is a sensitive subject for me, being as my oldest child has been the victim of
it numerous times. He came home from kindergarten many times, upset because
“Jake” was picking on him at school. He’d hit him, pinch him, and call him
names, all while in class. There were several times when my son fought to stay
home. After a few such incidents, I contacted his teacher to see what she knew
and to find out what she was doing about it. She wasn’t even aware of it. She
insisted that it wasn’t going on; she’d never seen anything of the sort in the
class and to the best of her knowledge, “Jake” and my son got a long
great. Believing that she was attentive
to what was happening in her class, I wrote it off as the exaggerating of a six
year old boy.

Then he came home from school with a bright red mark of a small handprint
on his thigh. My son told me that while he was in the bathroom, his friend
“Jake” had grabbed his leg and squeezed so hard that it actually left a
handprint. I took a picture and brought it to the teachers’ attention that next
day. I was informed that, yes, “Jake” does have some anger issues. And that was
the end of the story. Fortunately, it was at the end of the year and I put in a
formal request with the principal that my son and his tormentor be put in
separate classes in second grade.

My
request was granted, however I really began to worry about the bullying that
occurs in schools. It can happen right under a teacher’s watchful eye and they
aren’t even aware of the problem. Approximately 160,000 children miss school
every year because they fear the bullying they know they’ll be subjected to. Intimidation
and fear of attack account for 15% of all absenteeism during the school year.
(MBNBD (2009) Facts and Statistics). Bullying
can happen to anyone, at any time. Certain things can contribute to it and
those who others may see as weak or “different” are often targets. Children
that are perceived as unpopular or exhibit low-esteem can also be mercilessly
picked on.

Often
there are indications that a child is being bullied, even if the actual act is
never observed by a teacher or person in a position of authority. Unexplained
injuries and frequently broken or missing possessions are telltale signs.
Children who are bullied often fake illness to avoid school, but they can
actually get sick from the stress
bullying causes and many children suffer from bleeding ulcers, headaches and
stomach complaints.

The
effects of intimidation and harassment on a child are many and far-reaching.
They are more likely to suffer from mental issues, such as depression and low
self-esteem which can follow them into adulthood. They have more health
complaints, and their school work and grades can suffer dramatically.

Another
factor? Revenge. It is estimated that in
the 1990s, 12 out of the 15 school
shootings were instigated by children who had been victimized by bullying. (MBNBD
(2009). Facts and Statistics). Take for example, the shootings at Columbine
High School in 1999. While the act itself was heinous, it was revealed that
both the shooters were bullied at school and were seeking a generalized
revenge. It is no excuse for the murders, but it leaves one to wonder if the
outcome had been different if school officials, adults or even fellow students
had stepped in at one time or another and stopped the professed bullying of
these students. Unfortunately, during the aftermath of the tragedy, gun control
advocates stepped in to spread their message and the focus became about them,
rather than focusing on what could have been an ideal time to discuss the
effects and prevention of bullying.

Another
disturbing consequence of bullying can be juvenile suicide. According to a
study at Yale Institute, children who are the victims of bullying are two to
nine times more likely to kill themselves than those who are not. (Bullying
Statistics.org)

Bullying
can extend its reach far out of the classroom and onto the Internet. “Cyber
bullying” is just as harmful and to date, there have been several recent cases
covered in the media. Many have ended in suicide, like in the case of Megan
Meier who hung herself after a friend’s mother harassed her through the social
site, MySpace, pretending to be a boy with whom Meier developed feelings for. (Wikipedia
2012) Meier is far from the only case. Many states have implemented an Anti-Bullying
Legislation in an attempt to prevent and punish those who create such
situations. Unfortunately, these legislations are unfunded and have no real
impact on the issue, and some Christian groups actually are fighting these laws
because they believe that it fosters acceptance of homosexual children.

"We
feel more and more that [gay] activists are being deceptive in using
anti-bullying rhetoric to introduce their viewpoints, while the viewpoint of
Christian students and parents are increasingly belittled." (Denver Post,
2010) The quote is from the “education expert” from the extremist “Focus on the
Family” group.

This quote seems to actually prove the opposite; Focus on the
Family is using the important issue of bullying to further their hate-filled
agenda. Their propaganda actually hurts students who suffer in silence while
being humiliated and exposed to bullying at schools. Homosexual or not, every
child has the right, and the need, to
feel safe and unthreatened at school, and the hatred of one over-zealous group
of fanatics should not have the power to impede that right. However, that’s exactly
what is happening.

In Arizona, the group actually persuaded the local
government to kill an anti-bullying bill because of their belief that it
carried a “gay friendly agenda.” (The Huffington Post; Politics 2012).

While
anti-bullying laws are not the end-all solution to this terrible epidemic, they
are a start in the right direction, and unfortunately misguided groups such as
these are a hindrance to any progress
that could be made. Because of this lack
of support, and a lack of funding, it becomes necessary to take action at a
local level.

Many
schools have incorporated programs, held informational assemblies, printed
t-shirts and organized events. But it’s not enough. We need to step up and stop
it when we see it. We need to speak up when it happens to us, despite the fear
of retaliation. Educators need to be more diligent and pay attention to the
warning signs and changing moods of the children they see eight hours every
day. They are the children’s first line of defense against bullying and without
the support, attentiveness and compassion of their teachers, intimidation,
violence and fear will continue to permeate the lives of one out of every five
children.

5 comments:

i am with you on this...my son was a victim earlier this year...his teacher would do nothing...denied it...i put it in writing and copied the principal on it....the next incident it went six ways to sunday...haha...there should be not tolerance...they make you sign one in the handbook but its not enforced...

It is up to the teachers and principal to take bullying seriously. My daughter was bullied by a kid that poke her with a sharp pencil and then rubbed glue in her hair. The teacher did nothing to stop the bullying. My then husband, now ex, decided to confront the kid in the classroom and the teacher asked him to leave. We pulled her out of school and began homeschooling her that same week.

Great post! Both of my kids have had the experience of being bullied at one time or another. In each case, the way the school handled it was pathetic.

Another issue that concerns me are teachers and school staff who bully. There was a teacher in our local high school who threatened some students who were misbehaving. He told them he would "gut them like a deer". He was removed from his position as a teacher and given the job of librarian. At the elementary school. Seriously. Sigh....

I'm not condoning anything I'm about to say. I was a small, slightly fat kid, and was bullied by older kids. Right up until 7th grade. My best friend had died, and the bullying got worse after I retreated inside myself. They teased me that we were gay, because that's what the ignorant focus on. There was a kid, used to be a good friend, and he hit me in the face during art class, knocking my glasses off. In my anger and frustration, I almost stabbed him with an Xacto knife. The bullying stopped after that.

Was it the best solution? No, but given my state of mind at the time, it seemed rational.

brilliant post. My younger brother was picked on in primary school and again his teacher did very little about it. It's wrong that it has to get to the point where the parent has to actually come into the school to sort it out, because what if your child wasn't brave enough to tell you that it was happening in the first place?

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When my daughter was 2 years old, she was trying to get a screwdriver out of the drawer. I asked what she needed it for.

"To open my orange," she stated, very matter-of-factly.

It occurred to me that made an excellent allegory for my life: parenting, and living in general, with uncontrolled bipolar symptoms was indeed like opening an orange with a screwdriver. It might work, but the end result is going to be a mess.But I'm better now...Really. Ahem.

I Want you to want me, I need you to need me...

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About Me

Yes, yes I know it's "flower". A little baking pun there ...ahem. Anyway, I am a preschool teacher, writer, wife and mom of three children; 8, 9 & 12 years old. "Peeling an orange with a screwdriver" is where I go to ponder life in general. Things like parenting and marriage, kids, dealing with depression and bipolar, the angst of writer's block and the freedom of a good book. Toilet scrubbing and laundry. I might throw in a photo or two, some art, a poem.
"Sugar Weave" is strictly about cake. Always a voracious baker (and eater) of cakes, I recently fell head first into cake decorating. I made birthday cakes for my three children and people kept telling me I could charge for my creations. So I decided to give it a go.
Who knew frosting (outside the bedroom) could be so much fun?