Thank-you cards promote thoughtfulness

Joe DillPublished: October 31, 2006 12:00AM

DEAR AMY: I am good at writing thank-you notes and having my kids do so.
But lately, when my son attends a party (he is 9) and we are thanked for the gift while we are there, we also receive a thank-you card in the mail.
I thought that if someone is thanked in person, then a thank-you note is not necessary. It seems all of my sons friends are writing thank-yous after their parties, even though we were thanked at the event.
What is appropriate? EA in Colorado
DEAR EA: Are you actually advocating receiving fewer thank-you notes?
Please. Make no sudden moves and back slowly away from this topic.
Strictly speaking, you are absolutely correct. If you are thanked sufficiently in person, it is not necessary to also be thanked by mail.
But lets not tell all of the 9-year-olds out there, OK? Their parents are working hard to make sure these kids grow up courteous, thoughtful and thankful, and that is a good thing for all of us, no matter what the protocol may be.
DEAR AMY: I am responding to Financially Frustrated, the man whose wife went back to work and now wants to keep her income separate from his.
My husband and I have been married for 11 years. We have three checking accounts: his, mine and ours. The bulk of our money goes into ours for household expenses. However, we both get an allowance every month. The amount has grown and shrunk over the years, depending on our means.
The amount of the allowance doesnt matter, as long as both parties agree and as long as it is the same amount for both.
Our rules are that joint spending requires agreement (household bills, vacations, necessary clothes, kids expenses, etc.).
Spending from your own account is your own business. My husband buys all sorts of things I think are silly computer games, DVDs of movies I hate, books Id never read.
Likewise, what I buy isnt his cup of tea.
This arrangement has served us well through several financial chapters when we worked before kids, when he stayed home for five years with no income, when he went back to school, and now when we are both working again.
His checking account is totally his business and mine is mine. Our allowances get automatically deposited, and I never even look at his statements. Tina in Oregon
DEAR TINA: When I suggested husbands and wives should maintain separate accounts, have a joint account and contribute proportionately to the running of the household, some readers responded keeping separate accounts was antithetical to the whats mine is yours marriage philosophy.
Your allowance system works well for you and I think it would for others too. You and your husband have a measure of privacy regarding your spending. You also have to periodically revisit this issue and agree to adjust it as your financial circumstances change, and that is a very sound practice.
DEAR AMY: In response to people who have written in concerned about unhealthy snacks being offered after kids games, I used to play soccer, and after games one mom or dad was in charge of bringing oranges and another was in charge of bringing pretzels or goldfish crackers.
These snacks were a hit. I know my teammates and I always liked a little something after the game, and this combination offered just enough sugar and salt to satisfy us. Lauren in NYC
DEAR LAUREN: I respond to those magical cheesy goldfish the way Homer Simpson responds to doughnuts: Yummmm. Goldfish.
Oranges and pretzels or goldfish sound like a great post-game combination.
DEAR AMY: A letter from Stuck in the Mud caught my eye. Stuck was a high school girl who was nice to an unpopular kid.
When I was in high school, I, too, was the only person who was nice to a nerd in my class.
He took this as a signal I liked him more than I did. I finally invited him over, to the dismay of my friends. I explained to him I just wanted to be his friend. He understood.
I ran into him many years later. I didnt recognize him he was no longer a nerd. He told me I gave him the confidence in college to ask out a popular girl who apparently saw him as a diamond in the rough.
He now is a very successful businessman.
Too bad I wasnt even nicer. Tech Teacher in N.J.
DEAR TECH: Hindsight can be a very effective nerd-o-meter, but being nice to someone is its own reward, right?
n Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.