# 142612 I'm so glad to be done with my running around town for the day, and away from the crowded bumping, pushing, honking, cussing, yelling holiday spirit during this most wonderful time of the year.

# 30929 I've realized that when taking care of really drunk friends, I have to treat them like they're 5-year-olds. "Mmm this water is so delicious! You want to try some?" And the funny thing is, it works. "Yeah, give me some of that sh*t!"

# 75721 I'm gonna be your murder consultant. Motherfucker Jones. How'd you get the nickname Motherfucker? When I was a kid I snuck into my mother's bedroom. I've heard enough. I snuck up behind her and then slipped my fingersinto her purse. Purse, he said purse.