Zeta Jones Goes Topless To Appease Terminally Ill Tosser

In her tireless quest for charitable works, human decency, and one eye on the publicity machine, Catherine Zeta Jones, wife of that old guy actor who was in 'The Streets Of San Francisco' on TV before starring in 'Romancing The Stone' on the silver screen, and the nearly Oscar Winning 'Falling Down' and that one where Sharon Stone flashed her muff, 'Basic Instinct' -

Enough about HIM already! On with the tit story! - Ed

Doing it FFS!

Catherine Zeta Jones visited Armand Flickwrist, a French national in LA Memorium Hospital today as he lay dying, in order to fulfill his life's dream.

Allegedly.

Flickwrist, who was admitted to hospital Thursday last suffering from total wankery, was said by observers to be "all wanked out"

It is said that the man, whose right arm is three times as developed as his left, due to a lifetime of self indulgence was reported to have confided in a friend that if he could ogle the Welsh actress/opportunist's tits while he threw one over the knuckle, he'd die a happy man.

Being publicity starved recently, Zeta Jones sped post haste to LA Memorium Hospital in a big black limo, pursued by an unprecedented paparazzi pack, reputedly alerted by the old movie guy, who has a hand in everything. Or at least, if not a hand, a finger or three. Or four.

Reports reaching us, suggested that the girl from The Valleys entered Flickwrist's hospital room at 11:03 am unbuttoning her top.

During her visit, the sounds of slapping and animalistic grunting were clearly audible. With some exaggerated sighing and moaning.

Zeta Jones emerged from the room at 11:05 am looking agitated and wiping at her bosom with a wad of Kleenex, looking somewhat sheepish. In a Welsh Valley girl kind of way.

At 11:06 am Armand Flickwrist was pronounced dead by doctors at the scene. With a huge smile on his big, dead face.

The old actor guy was reported to be furious with his much younger wife for getting her puppies too close to the danger zone.

"Stand too close to the poolside, you're gonna get splashed," he told us. "Just wait til that bitch gets home. I'll give her the fuckin' mark of Zorro. HO! NNNGGGRRRHHH!"

As the old actor guy started to eat the blinds in the room, we made our excuses and fucked off.

Domestics eh? WE DON'T NEED 'EM!

More Terminally Ill Titfucks As We Get Them.

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