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Thursday, April 21, 2016

One of Those Days

Today has been a day.

I'm sure I've touched on this before, but I am not someone who does well with change. I like things the way I like them and it stresses me out to have to adapt to change. Unfortunately, I still have days that remind me change is inevitable.

Today was one of those days.

A few years ago while going through a tough time, I learned a lot about myself (it's funny how some of the hardest times can teach you the most about yourself). I learned that I am someone who always wants to fix people. Putting so much time and energy into other people was just something I was used to. It wasn't until I hit my breaking point when I truly realized that I had to focus on myself in order to find true happiness. From there, I started doing things for myself and I started noticing how much happier and lighter I felt. Not worrying constantly about other people gives you a lot of time to work on yourself, and I did a lot of that and ultimately became a better version of myself.

At around the same time as all that was happening, I also realized that I was constantly wasting my energy worrying about literally anything in the world I could worry about. Not only did that 100% add to my anxiety, but it also made me feel like I was carrying everyone else's worries on top of mine. It was then that I learned that I can't control ANYTHING, and the thought of that freaked me out a little. Instead of letting it stress me out and add to my anxiety, I decided to let it be a lesson to me. Why worry about things you can't control? Giving up control was never easy for me, but once I did, I started to feel a lot more relaxed in every aspect of my life.

Although I learned a lot about myself and started to change my viewpoints on things that made me sad or anxious, there are still days that I am reminded of these struggles.

Today was one of those days.

I might not focus on it as much as before, but I still find great pleasure in making the people around me happy. I luckily learned to balance this with also making myself happy. Even though I don't put as much energy into other people as I used to, I still feel others emotions quite strongly, especially when it comes to my friends and family. This can be hard when the people around me are going through things that also affect me. Some days I find it so hard to see other people's side of things, which then makes me feel stuck and helpless.

Today was one of those days.

Today I was forced to try and focus on my happiness while also remaining optimistic about other people's happiness. I tried to find a way to find the happy within an all around sad feeling day. Sometimes you have those days, and I will be the first to admit that I hate these days. I'm sure no one enjoys them, but for me it brings me back to a place that I never want to be in again.

Luckily for me, I now know how to control my sadness and not let it affect me so much that it scares me. I have finally found the difference between just dealing with my emotions rather than letting them overtake me. Some days I have to dig extra deep to remember this, but once I do, I try to focus on all the great things in my life rather than whatever bad is happening at that moment.