Drunk Man Claims to be From 2048

Drunk Man Who Claims to be From 2048 Warns of Alien Invasion

A man who is currently visiting the year 2017 told Casper, Wyoming police officers about an impending alien attack. Only a drunk man would warn the police of such an important upcoming event. Any sober person would know that police are no match for alien beings. Police say the barely-drunk man, Bryant Johnson, had slightly slurred speech and smelled of alcoholic beverages. “BJ” also told the coppers that he is from the year 2048. The man wanted to come back to the year 2018, but he messed up and landed in 2017. D’oh!

Police claim that “BJ” had a BAC of .136. That’s not drunk, that’s slightly buzzed. It is alleged that the “time traveller” informed Johnny Law that, “…the aliens were coming next year and we needed to make sure to leave as fast as possible.” Where are we supposed to go, Mr. Johnson? If you’re going to tell us what we need to do, you need to give us some details. The police report says that he didn’t specify a date or time for the alien invasion. Again, you’re not being much help, “BJ.” He claims that he was able to travel through time because aliens filled his body with alcohol. Is that ethyl alcohol, rubbing alcohol, or drinking alcohol?

When doctors and medical professionals tried to talk to Johnson, he refused to converse with them. Instead, he insisted that he wanted to speak to “the president” of the town. If there are any other time travellers out there who can collaborate Johnson’s story, I urge them to give me a shout. Knowing an exact date would be ideal so I know when to “leave” and get my affairs in order.

Like the band, the Rezillos, said: “Flying saucer attack. I’m never coming back. Once and it’s over.” You got that right, Rezillos. One attack is all the aliens need to blow us all to smithereens. What a spectacle it shall be!