Third baseman Eric Chavez: Three offseason surgeries, three months to get packed for the “Bad News A’s Go To Japan” show.

Designated hitter Jack Cust: Ooops, A’s general manager Billy Beane made no mention of him in what we tease as the “Beane Report.” Instead, Cust was among the players named in Thursday’s Mitchell Report, and that’s just not good for the A’s, who had Cust lead them last season in home runs (26) and on-base percentage (.408).

OK, let’s take a breath. That’s what the A’s are doing, essentially — catching their breath, sucking in oxygen and hoping they’ll have developed superstars once it’s time to exhale inside Cisco Field in 2012.

The environmental-impact report of Friday’s big trade revealed this: Beane is rebuilding the A’s, Barry “Out-On-Bail” Bonds shouldn’t fit into such a plan, and you might want to throw a green tarp over your eyes for the 2008 season.

“There could be short-term pain — the shorter the better — but we need to get in position to have long-term success,” Beane said in a Friday conference call.

Uggh.

That sounds eerily similar to the 49ers’ “take our medicine” campaign that Terry Donahue preached after shipping out Jeff Garcia and several other starters before a stomach-flu-bad 2-14 season in 2004.

But considering Beane’s long-term record of magical moves, perhaps he’s got a couple more up his sleeve to help along this rebuilding process.

“What we need to do is get back to the point where we can put together a club for a long, sustained run,” Beane said. “That’s how we started off the process in the 1999 season, when we had a group of young players here.

“We need to get to that foundation, and this trade is the first major step in doing that.”

What happens if their young players produce as hoped? Do the A’s bid farewell to them, as has been the status quo, or can they pay up and have them around to entertain 32,000 fans on Fremont’s auto row?

Haren joins Barry Zito, Mark Mulder, Tim Hudson, Ramon Hernandez, Keith Foulke, Miguel Tejada, Jason Giambi and Jason Isringhausen as guys who found themselves in a new uniform less than two years after representing the A’s in an All-Star Game.

“Going into this offseason, coming home on Oct. 1, I had no thoughts of being traded. It didn’t cross my mind,” Haren, the 2007 American League starting pitcher, said in a conference call. “It was weird when a week leading up to the winter meetings, my name started coming up.”

The six names added to the A’s payroll in return for Haren:

Three pitchers — Brett Anderson, Greg Smith and Dana Eveland, who might be the most rotation-ready; two outfielders — Carlos “Not Juan” Gonzalez and Aaron “Not Richie” Cunningham; and one infielder — Chris Carter, who’s not to be confused with the former De La Salle High School and Stanford player.

Beane’s keen eye for talent means that a future All-Star may have come the A’s way Friday. And maybe it means he didn’t like the plethora of prospects he saw last season, when first-year manager Bob Geren used an Oakland-record 54 players in an injury-plagued 76-86 campaign.

“Quite frankly we need as many young players as we can get right now,” Beane said.

One young player that might be an A’s All-Star is first baseman Daric Barton, who hit .347 as a September call-up. Another is outfielder Travis Buck, whose rookie year was hampered by injuries.

Oh yeah, Chavez, second baseman Mark Ellis, outfielder Nick Swisher and shortstop Bobby Crosby are still awaiting their first All-Star trips, too. Otherwise, they might have been shipped out long ago.

Friday was Haren’s time to leave, doing so “in the prime of his career,” Beane noted.

Tune in five years from now to see if the A’s rebuilding process has hit its prime, something that needs to happen whether or not Cisco Field’s building process is complete.

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