...I would force NASA to abandon all projects and construct a giant rocket launcher in my backyard. But instead of launching rockets, it would launch whales. Then I would have all the illegal whalers round up all the whales they can, bring them over to my place, and drink beer all day with me as I launch every last whale on Earth into the sun.

Beer & launching whales into the sun = national holiday. Everybody would be forced to not work. Including people that work in hospitals and Blockbuster Videos.

I was thinking there might be a chunk of people I wouldn't mind exterminating to get out of my hair. Like those telemarketers that don't even ask if you want to buy a magazine subscription, but just ask where they should send it to. Then I got to thinking that there's some entertainment factor to be had. So instead of killing them, I would hire homeless alcoholics to rape them while professional accordian players played some spicy, spicy music. And probably get some bears that ride those little tricycles, too. I love those guys!

I would spend the night with a beautiful woman, falling asleep with her while we hold each other and spoon. Wake up in the morning and have sex, then spend the rest of the day in bed, having sex, calling out for pizza, maybe watching a film or two, having more sex, then driving her home late at night. Afterwards, I'd go to a secluded area and blow my mother fucking brains out!

Spoon wrote:I was thinking there might be a chunk of people I wouldn't mind exterminating to get out of my hair. Like those telemarketers that don't even ask if you want to buy a magazine subscription, but just ask where they should send it to. Then I got to thinking that there's some entertainment factor to be had. So instead of killing them, I would hire homeless alcoholics to rape them while professional accordian players played some spicy, spicy music. And probably get some bears that ride those little tricycles, too. I love those guys!

First off, as I read spoons original idea, all I could think was this lil jingle from Futurama...

We're whalers on the moon; We carry a harpoon; But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales; And sing our whaling tune.

Anyways If I was Ultra-Overlord of the Universe here is what I would do.

I would create a Religon that worshipped nothing, but every Sunday they met, were given guns and hunted down Scientologist. My new religon would be a ranking religon in that the more scientologist you kill, the higher you are in the religon. Anyone who kills a celebrity scientologist is automatically deemed a saint.

I would also mark cigarettes down to $1 a pack, and cut off the penis of any man found drinking or buying Zima.

Has anybody built a regilion around Xenu yet? That's just a paycheck waiting to happen. You could challenge Scientologists to paintball gun matches and sell it as a PPV hosted by Geraldo Rivera (that way people won't be surprised when the Scientologists don't actually show up).