Thursday, September 22, 2011

.. but i do nothing about it.
Right now, i started to believe that this is a reality. That no matter what, i have to go on.
Go on with my life. That i can't wait for other people, to decide everything i want in life.
That my step isn't stop in one place.

The last question in my post, is true. I can't live life like this.
Nobody to depends, but yourself.

Friends, lovers, or nothing. We can't be in between.
Sooner or later, this has to stop.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Almost my 2 weeks after the "it" day.
Try to live my life as well., and i lie if i say that i try to forget and not think abt it at all.
Well,in fact i dont.
I think about it very much. 26 hours a day. People said its so negative that u spend time for something waste.
But, i have to pass this process. I dont want to fight it back. Because if i do so, i only make it harder for myself.

Then my thought returns to a very simple question : If there's enough love left, then why do you leave me?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

This is not my first time, but still "ever-done-it-before-feeling" not helping you better with another situation in the future. Then it's clear for broken heart, either.

Along this 5 days journey, i realized that .. u can't prepare your feeling for anything. Even if u already realized it at first.

Like, when u fall in love, you'll say to urself that u are ready for the broken hearted moment, but when it happens, it just happens. u will never be ready. never. U can never prepare your heart. no matter how strong you are.

Monday, September 12, 2011

This is day 4, as the time goes by so slow. And it's always like this whenever i broke up with somebody.
I still dont know what to do. Sometimes found out my fingers type message for him. Accidentally. I tried my Best Friend, Rizki Dwij suggestion to type everything i want to send to him, but DONT send it. Only the satisfaction of typing. I can cancel it or save it to draft. She said it's kind of therapy. I found it useful sometimes, but still i have to control my thoughts about him. Because it's heavy thoughts. :(

Friday, September 9, 2011

Twitter is a social media, but i cant force all my followers to read and being moody as i am now. So blogging is the only way that left.

I am gonna start with telling you a 4 years love story.

Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl met in the bus for couple of times and fell in love. They really love each other very much. The years passed with normal routines as lovers ; loving, caring, fighting, jealousy and laughters,and the rest is maybe filled with happiness and the bittersweet.

Just like another love story, rocky ways came along. And both of them tried to work it out. Most of the times, they solve the problems by fighting. They often feel tired, but in the end they kept coming back for each other, because they forgot the problems and because they love each other very much.

Until one day, both of them realized, that problems are real and always comes to be solved.

And that day is yesterday, the time that they both decided to separate for good, and promised to still love each other, not in a relationship but in another form.

The girl is me and the boy is my man. Today, i feel so breakdown and helpless. I never think to take everysingle steps without him. He is not only my boyfriend, but also bestfriend to me. We thru every single steps in four years, together. Never missed a day without saying " i love u" in the end of our phonecalls or messages. Yes, that we are not a couple anymore, but i can still meet him and get together sometimes. But, the idea that i have to burry my dreams with him, is thing i can't take. And realizing that 4 years brings me to (another) ending and broken hearted moments. He said that we can be together again (maybe if we're meant to be) but i always think that separation will separate you no matter what.

Some of my friends tell me to forget him, like i forget the other ex. But, this is not the same. We built objective and i want to achieve it with him. It's not another relationship, like, an easy or fast track, that when u feel no more chemistry then u left. It is not that kind of relationship. We both try to hold on and it kills me when the bestest thing to do is to separate, because now this relationship is too much of hurting each other in the end. We are not growing. We love each other, we dont want to separate, but we did the opposites. It's sad to know.

I always hope that God will let me and him meant for each others. And keep on wishing, that it is just a phase that we both gonna go thru. By the way, today is supposed to be my 4 years and 3 months anniversary with him. It was, but now no more. No more. I'd better not to think abt it anymore.