6 Things I Disliked About Burning Man*

It’s summer, and with summer on the West Coast comes the inevitable talk of that dirty hippie festival in the middle of Nevada called Burning Man. For those of you who don’t know, the festival came about when a man in the Bay area went to the beach and burned a stick figure to represent his rebirth and getting over his ex, and from there, the concept of Burning Man (get it?) emerged.

Now, to celebrate life and freedom, thousands of people get together in the desert and get naked and put up art and do drugs.

I’ll admit that I should have known that Burning Man was not, to use a corporate euphemism, a good fit for me. I like a clean hotel and a pool, a crisp beverage, a shower. And I don’t like to camp. But it was one of those things that I wanted to do, just to know what all the fuss was about, and so one year when I was offered a free ticket (because in the true spirit of community, tickets are over $300), I went.

For the most part, I was happy that I went, but also very happy to go home. And I don’t want to be a complete negative Nancy, so tomorrow I’ll regale you with tales of what I liked about Burning Man. But for now, here are six things that will keep me in the comfort of my air-conditioned apartment this August: