Well Chapter 9 is done. I'd like to thank Auzzie for helping me come up with the idea for this chapter.

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Chapter 9: Poochyena Peril

Jack stared absentmindedly at the night sky as he stirred the pot of broth. Shinx had been asleep for hours and Theo was polishing their Pokeballs. Jack thought about Shinx. It was strange at how he was by himself, he was so young. Jack figured it would be unusual for it to be an orphan. Not many Pokemon would cross a Luxray or a Luxio.

“Hey Jack!” Theo called. “Is that broth done yet?”

Jack snapped out of his thoughts and looked at the pot. It wasn’t bubbling yet.

“Not quite” Jack said. “I’d give it another twenty minutes”

Theo sighed and patted Poochyena on the head. The puppy Pokemon seemed awfully subdued; he wasn’t his usual boisterous self. Theo put it down to the paralysis but Jack wasn’t so sure. His ears were pricked up and he seemed very alert but also cautious. Poochyena suddenly stood up and looked around. He padded over to a bush and began to growl at it. Theo and Jack frowned and watched the puppy. A Buneary suddenly charged out of the bushes and ran into the nearby woods with Poochyena hot on its tail.

“Poochyena come back!” Theo shouted as he stood up and followed Poochyena.

Jack sighed, picked up Shinx and reluctantly followed Theo. Running off into the darkness was never a good plan but Jack knew Theo would never just let Poochyena run off into the darkness alone and after around fifteen minutes of running around Jack finally found Theo leaning against a tree, breathing heavily.

“Did you find him?” Jack asked.

“No... I lost him but-” Theo sighed.

“Shhh” Jack said. “I hear something”

Theo stopped talking a listened. He could hear it too. It sounded like barking. It was Poochyena!

“Where is that coming from?” Theo asked.

“That direction” Jack said and pointed to the west.

Theo began running in the direction and Jack followed him. The further they got the colder the air seemed to be. Jack felt Shinx shiver in his arms, to be honest he found it very cold and it seemed to be getting darker. The gentle rush of a river could be heard and Poochyena’s barking was getting even louder. They both ran into a clearing with nothing but a crumbling well and a river at the far side.

“Poochyena!” Theo called.

The barking stopped for a moment and then became more desperate. It also sounded like it was echoing. Theo looked stumped and Jack looked around... There was nothing but the well... It suddenly dawned on Jack.

“He must have fallen down into that well” Jack said.

Theo immediately ran towards the well but stopped around two feet away from it. Right in front of his was a hole. It was around two feet wide.

“He must have began to dig and fallen into the well” Jack said.

“Poochyena! Can you hear me boy?!” Theo shouted.

Poochyena immediately responded with a series of barks and yelps. Theo took a pen torch from his pocket and shined it into the hole. He almost dropped in it shock. The light revealed a cavern, it wasn’t very deep. Maybe seven feet but it was still a problem for Poochyena. Theo shone the torch around before finding the shivering form of Poochyena. He was cowering at the edge of the cavern. Without missing a beat Theo slid himself through the gap and fell into the cavern. Jack rushed over and looked down but he couldn’t see anything. Luckily Theo had left his torch. Jack shone it down and saw Theo dusting himself off and running over to Poochyena. Theo picked him up and patted his head but Poochyena didn’t take any notice, he just kept staring into the darkness and whining. Theo looked into the darkness and saw nothing.

“Hey Jack can you throw that torch down here?” Theo shouted.

Jack tossed the light into the hole and Theo picked it up, he shone it in the direction Poochyena was looking and a puzzled look crossed his face.

“Jack I think you might want to take a look at this” Theo said.

Jack frowned and slid into the hole, careful to hold Shinx tightly. He landed on his backside and stood up. He walked over to Theo and looked at what he was shining the torch on. It was a strange stone. He walked over and began to inspect the strange stone. It had a large crack that went from the top of the stone to halfway down before forking downwards. There were two dots either side of the crack. It looked rather like a face. Suddenly a purple gas began to emerge from the crack. It then formed into a swirling vortex and a face began to form. It was entirely green. Two eyes and a wicked smile were connected. One of the eyes had a black spiral inside of it. Green lights swirled around the outside of the vortex. Poochyena immediately growled and began to bark viciously. Jack backed away and stood next to Theo.

“What the hell is that?!” Theo exclaimed.

“I think it’s a Pokemon” Jack said.

Theo took his Pokedex from his pocket and pointed it at the creature.

“Spiritomb, the Seal Pokemon” The Pokedex said. “Spiritomb was born from the assembly of 108 spirits. It is sealed in the cracks of a Keystone.”

“I’ve never heard of a Spiritomb” Jack said.

“Me neither” Theo said. “But according to the Pokedex it’s a Ghost and Dark type so I’m gonna catch it”

Jack stared at him like he was crazy.

“You’re insane” Jack said.

Theo ignored him and put Poochyena down. Spiritomb watched it and began to cackle insanely.

“You can do this boy. Use Shadow Ball!” Theo shouted.

Poochyena opened his jaws and hurled a ball of sparking black energy at Spiritomb. It struck home and knocked it flying. Spiritomb landed with a thud and shrieked. It suddenly turned into purple gas again and shot with tremendous speed and struck Poochyena, making him cry in pain before returning back to the stone and forming back to its normal shape.

“Grr... Let’s finish this. Shadow Ball!” Theo shouted.

Poochyena once again hurled a ball of sparking black energy at Spiritomb. It hit it and knocked it into the wall. Spiritomb reverted back into it gaseous form and retreated into the cracks of the Keystone. Theo took a Pokeball off his belt and threw it at the Keystone. It engulfed it and dropped to the ground and began to wiggle before stopping and sounding the familiar ding.

“You lucky git” Jack smiled.

“Luck had nothing to do with it. I’m just a damn good trainer” Theo smirked as he picked up the Pokeball.

Jack rolled his eyes and looked at the ceiling of the cavern; he could see the hole they came in through and the well... But they couldn’t climb up either.

“So how do we get out of here?” Theo asked.

“We’re gonna have to sleep here” Jack said.

Last edited by 2x4b on Tue May 15, 2007 1:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Great story! I love it! Well done Theo on catching a Spiritomb, as well. Also, I think you should get a legendary in the next chapter - well, I mean, they could see a pokemon like Arceus in the distance, but it runs off, and they keep seeing it again and again, until finally they run into it, maybe? Anyway, 9.5/10!

Right guys, I've started on Chapter 10. I've had to go back and edit some parts of the story to correspond with what I know about the games now. When I wrote the chapters DP hadn't been released so I've gone back and edited.

Lol at that being like 5 months ago.
I did like the story so far, but it was a little repetitive with words such as "and" and "Jack", although I understand as he's the main character. Also, if you continue with the story at some point then try to make sure there's a point to it in the end, like really doing something in a chapter, because it's good but so far it's just Jack, and now Theo, travelling from city-to-city and only staying to talk to someone for a bit 'n' heal their Pokemon, then moving on to the next; maybe capturing a Pokemon along the way.
Nice work though; good descriptions.

_________________Mmkay.

Wed Nov 14, 2007 3:42 pm

Thunder_dude7

Pokemon Ranger

Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2007 7:17 amPosts: 508

This is very good, but like CharmedJoey said, this needs something other then a couple people going along on their adventure. You also have two grammatical mistakes that you make all the time.

1. You need to end all sentences with a period, even dialouge

2. The direct address comma. A very common mistake. Basically, when somebody is being spoken to, you need to separate the person who is being spoken to with a comma or commas. For example:

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