(Closed) fiance & his parents want big wedding but dont to help pay for it

SO im getting really annoyed with my fiance and his parents. They want a big wedding with all the extra details but dont want to help pay for ANY of it. When my fiance and i got engaged they said “of course we will help pay for the wedding why wouldnt they” now the time has come and they are like ohhh well its tradition for the brides family to pay for the wedding. Im indian and so our wedding last 2-3 days and ours will be 2 days with a brunch on the 3rd day. SO that means feeding dinner the night before the wedding, breakfast, lunch and reception dinner day of wedding and brunch day after wedding.

As you all know having this may meals also means having to rent venues for them too and get this they want an open bar for rehearsal and reception. My mother in law didnt like our orginal venue so my parents changed everything just to make her happy and then when my fiance asked her if she said anything she was NO i didnt say anything….she was on three way with me and my mom. so all of a sudden me and my mom are lying.

PLUS we have to pay for the WHOLE wedding from the venue, flowers, EVERYTHING!!! Now my fiance is like so your getting our hotel rooms too right? im like this is unbelievable im getting really upset to the point that i dont want to marry him. I never wanted a wedding bc i dont like the process, planning and craziness. He didnt want to elope, no destination wedding. Now everything is falling on me and my parents shoulders. I have 2 other sisters getting married within one year of my wedding.

They told me they were going to have 80 ppl coming to the wedding now have changed there minds and its 30 ppl but still want everything! my parents rented a a venue for 250 ppl deposits have been made my parents are like we are going to be soo embarrased be my side of family is going to out number theirs by 20x.

I would be honest with your fiance if it is bothering you. You should be absolutely honest with each other. One thing I love about my husband is I can be like “You’re pissing me off, stop that” and vice versa, and that is the end of it. Instead of letting it fester I say bring it up to him and maybe both of you talk to his parents.

I think that you and your FI need to have a serious talk about this. They can’t just throw all the financial responsibility on your and your parents laps. Your family shouldn’t be expected to go into debt over him and his parents ideas about what the wedding should be. I really hope that you two can get this figured out, honestly I think that his parents shouldn’t really have a say because they aren’t paying for the wedding. Maybe you should cut down some of your own guest list as well? That is a lot of people that you are inviting which is adding to the cost.

i have talked with him about it numerous times and told him with this economy its hard for my family to do all this and he says well its tradition and he wants it. When the topic of the wedding does come up from other ppl to him or his parents they stay quiet and dont say one word. On top off all of this his parents have not done a single thing they have to do traditionally which they conviently dont know about or have never heard of.

I am sorry, this sounds frustrating. You mentioned his parents saying something about how its the brides family who pays for the wedding. Well, I would go somewhere like brides.com or the knot and look up what the groom’s family is supposed to pay for. Traditionally they pay for the honeymoon, rings, reception dinner, and other things. Are they helping with these? If not I would give them a list of who is “supposed to pay for what”. I don’t know that it would help but at least they wouldn’t have that excuse anymore. Good luck!

Hi there and welcome to the boards! I am sorry for all the stress you are going through. I recently read a statistic in the Vancouver Sun that the average amount a South Asian family spends on a wedding is anywhere from 40-60,000 dollars, so I definitely see where your concerns are coming in, even if you are not spending anywhere near that amount.

To me, your fiance’s behavior strikes me as a big red flag. It seems bizarre that after you have voiced your concerns numerous times, he seems to have an “I don’t care, it’s tradition” attitude. I imagine this must be so stressful for you and your parents!

here are a couple of links to information that may be helpful to you in convincing your FI and future in-laws about how the wedding could be split so the burden doesn’t fall largely on your parents. The brides family DOESN’T pay for everything. One blog is about Hindu weddings, and the other is a link to a forum about Indian Weddings.

That’s completely unfair and I’m suprised your fiance is so unsympathetic. Its incredibly rude of your fils to be putting your family through all this. Unless you put your foot down they will continue to walk all over you and your parents.

I think you need to sit and talk to your FI about this. Let him know your parents have more weddings coming up and if they are “traditional” then break out the etiquette book that specifies what the groom’s side of the family pays for. I had to do this because FI’s parents are VERY traditional.

I’m not familiar with the customs of your wedding traditions other than the fact that they look the. most. amazing. fun. weddings. ever.

In regards to your FI’s family, if they haven’t offered any money and have all of these grandiose plans then they just need to shut the hell up. They get no say whatsoever if they aren’t contributing. NONE.