Dawn's issues are unclear and they leave me emotionally unconnected. But this at the same time, possibly unintentionally, leaves me in the same spot as Clover. Trying to deal with a problem that she doesn't fully comprehend.

Earned or accidental you get points for realism in your story about magical brightly coloured equines.

The rate of typo's in this is painful. I will assume it is thus because you spat the entire thing out in less then 6 hours and didn't have time to read it.

Now there are some story problems...

You never explained why Luna has to be repeatedly killed.If Luna exists in a state of perpetual death and recreation then... Celestia doesn't have to banish her and can just kill her and make a non-Nightmare Moon version.Luna skeletons look like regular generic alicorn skeletons if they don't have some meat on them.If Luna is not Celestia's sister then Celestia cannot be Luna's sister. It's a mutual relationship.

Despite writing Discord properly you used him in the worst possible way, namely as a higher power to force the resolution of the story. He is a giant crutch holding up the back end of your story.

I mean, sure Twilight pretends the situation has dire gravitas and import while the royal sisters glance nervously at each other and inch backwards but really the whole thing is status quo from start to finish.

The actual content density was lower then could be expected out of an equal volume of bloated purple prose. Which is odd because poetry is supposed to be higher density and be reliant on vague suggestion rather then explicit statement.