Wednesday, April 27, 2011

And then she cried...

If the opportunity presents itself, I talk to Katie about loving Jesus and having him in our hearts and how he's always with us... (and how he can see EVERYTHING WE DO and how he knows EVERYTHING WE THINK, and how if there's mean and angry feelings in our hearts, there's NO ROOM FOR JESUS THERE. Not to scare her or anything. We might just happen to have these talks when she's in a mood and being... oh, a little mean and disrespectful though.)

Well, one day Katie told me she loves Jesus more than she loved me. I suspect this was meant to be a mean thing (like when she told Grandma that Grandma was a flower... a flower wilted and stuck in dirt or something like that, after Grandma wouldn't give her a third popsicle). And even if she meant it mean, it still gave me a good opportunity to tell her that she's supposed to love Jesus first and most, then her family and then other stuff.

This was a few days ago.

Fast forward to last night. Katie is in bed singing to herself. (My actual Facebook post was: Katie is in bed singing to herself. I can hear her sing "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus is alive"... Now she's humming and "bawking" like a chicken. And back to Jesus!)

She had just picked out her clothes for Wednesday that she can wear to gymnastics (long shorts and a tank top because she gets sweaty, her words) and she had just given me orders not to forget to bring her "Katie" cup for gymnastics in case she gets thirsty. (I suspect it was the fact that the other kids had their own cups last week that makes remembering her cup super important.)

I thought the evening ended on a very high note.

I went to bed smiling about how cute she was.

I went to bed cheering about how it was earlier than 12:00 a.m.

I had just gotten comfy and was finally relaxing feeling baby Jackson kick and push and jab... when I heard it.

Her saaaaaad voice. The voice that gets weepier and weepier. Until the soft weepy voice turns into a wail. She was talking to herself but she sounded like she was on the edge between weepy and wailing. (Once she's at "wailing", we've got a crisis. And I've got a headache.)

So I went to check on her before she passed the point of no return and as we cuddled I asked her what was wrong.

She said (in her weepy voice)...

"Mommy, you know how I'm sposed to love Jesus first, and then my family, and then my toys?"

I hid my smile and tried not to let her feel my belly shake from my laughter as I gave her an extra long squeeze.

I told her Jesus understands how hard it is to be a kid because he was born as a baby and had to grow up just.like.her. And Jesus knows how she feels, and what's in her heart, and that she loves him. And because Jesus knows all of this, he also knows that she wants him in her heart because she loves him. It might not have been the perfect answer but...

About Me

Sharing the minutiae of our lives

My brother created this blog for me as a baby gift when my first was born. Coincidentally, I was thinking about starting a blog but was too tired to 1) figure out how to set one up, 2) figure out how to use it, and 3) figure out how to be a mom.

Katie was born in April of 2006. She’s sweet, a rule follower, and is very... assertive. She likes to enforce (her) rules, use scissors, and read. I clean up a lot of paper scraps and mediate between her and Jacob a lot.

Jacob came along in February of 2009. He's mischievous, silly, and so sweet. He likes to give hugs and smile. He also colors on walls and likes to use the water dispense on our fridge. I clean up a lot of water off of the floor and carpet. I’ve gotten good at rushing to the kitchen while avoiding toys and kids when I hear someone using the water dispenser. I also hope to repaint... someday.

Back in 2010 I decided to change the name of my blog to One Boy, One Girl, One Blog. Thought it had a nice ring to it.

Jackson was born in June of 2011. He likes to be cuddled and smiles at everyone (except that guy at church with the big, booming voice...). He loves to watch his brother and sister play and he'll stand next to their little table till his legs get tired. He's also sleeping in his crib all night. It's a little sad when I realize how fast he's growing up but after I lay him down for the night and I know he's not going to wake up every 3-4 hours, I'm okay with it.

So, six years and 3 kids later, after many hugs, lots of “I love mommy” pictures, waist high wall art, extensive experience identifying spills and (oh joy) cleaning them up, and falling into bed at night with a big sigh, I've kind of figured out that my sanity really depends on my ability to relax and do a lot of laughing. And to (try to) let go of any thoughts of perfection I may have had at one time.