My Boyfriend And I Have Nothing In Common

Sometimes the person you feel passionate about is someone you feel an ineffable
connection to—not necessarily a connection grounded in common interests.
Or perhaps your relationship is based on past experiences together. Either way,
it can be hard to figure out what to actually do together.

In this letter, Angelica is experiencing a problem that is common in relationships. If it’s affecting you as well, don’t worry too much…

Angelica from Palm Springs, FL writes: “My boyfriend and I have nothing in common except each other. He’s really into sports, and I’m not, and I’m really into film and theater, and he isn’t.

I literally can’t think of anything which we both enjoy doing. How do we relate to each other on a daily basis?

We know we love each other, but how can a relationship survive if there is no way to express that through shared activities?”

Our Response…

This is a pretty common problem, believe it or not.

It’s possible to meet someone you have seemingly everything in the world in common with—and hate them.

It’s equally possible to meet someone you seem to have nothing in common with—and love that person deeply.

Perhaps the things you have in common aren’t activities or hobbies or interests, but something deeper, like shared values or even just shared trust.

Sometimes those things are more important in the long run. They certainly will create more real stability than simply sharing interests.

You might consider both doing the activities which you like together—even if you don’t both get into the activities.

Learning to understand why someone important in your life appreciates a certain activity can give you insight into that person and deepen your bond with that him.

Giving your boyfriend space to enjoy his special activities on his own or with friends who share his interests can also strengthen your relationship though, and doing activities you enjoy on your own or with your friends could contribute to your self confidence.

Not everything has to be shared in a relationship. Which of these approaches you take might depend on the activity and upon your personalities.

Don’t forget to look for new activities to enjoy, too. You are both human beings, which means that by nature you grow and change and find new interests over time.

Perhaps there’s something you’re interested in doing which your boyfriend would find interesting as well. Even if you’ve both never tried it, you could find you have a passion for it, and develop a passion for doing the activity together.

Trying new things can also help keep a relationship fresh, which is very important over the long term.

A lot of people complain about having nothing in common as time goes by because they don’t seek new activities.

By seeking new activities now you can learn to adapt and grow together and avoid that problem in the future.

Just keep in mind that your relationship, if it is going to last, is going to be grounded in something deeper than just interests or hobbies.

Always go to that core when you feel like you have nothing in common, and think instead about what you do share in common.

Over time you’ll find new ways to express that common thread which binds you together.

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Dr Asksays:

Each person in a relationship can have their own interests. In fact, it’s good. You can always find something that you both like by trying different things, and often in time people get to enjoy each others interests.