Redline (2007) (PG-13)

The makers of this self-indulgent autopalooza take a Ferrari engine, Porsche speed, Mercedes horsepower, and a Shelby Mustang chassis and somehow combine them into a Yugo. But for the 95 minutes of this awesomely terrible gearhead orgy, it's 1978 and you're at a Southern California drive-in at the bottom of a triple bill of The Gumball Rally, the original Gone in 60 Seconds . . . and this. The candy-colored baby of a mortgage-mogul-turned-producer named Daniel Sadek -- who not only appears onscreen but has a character stop to take his call -- Redline is a showcase for Sadek's car collection as it pits a busty racer (Nadia Bjorlin) and a returning soldier (Nathan Phillips) against the soldier's mob-tied vegan uncle (Angus Macfadyen, we hardly knew ye). There is not a single frame that fans of the craptacular will regret: not Bjorlin's Sadek-penned come-on song ("I wanna be your car tonight/So you can grip me like a steering wheeeel . . ."), not the priceless character introductions ("Carlo, the war hero . . . he fights for what he believes in!"), not the apparent deployment of a cinematic process called HooterVision that removes the top three buttons of every woman's blouse. But the cars and stunt work are real, and so is the rather endearing retro cheesiness. This is the movie that really belongs with Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof.