Thursday, October 13, 2011

Savage is my 2nd movie I've watched from Fearmaker Studios. The first being Dismal which was to say the least, dismally bad. So when they threw in a creature feature into their lineup, I couldn't resist. I had to check out this SyFy knockoff. But then I realized who was in it!

Savage makes a SyFy original movie look like a Hollywood blockbuster. It's not only that the characters are boring, the plot is laughable or Bigfoot is clearly taking HGH. It's that the movie is filled with scenes of people talking about a plot and subplots I didn't care about. I believe it was something about some forest fire, shady real estate deals, an armed robbery and a pregnant woman.

All I cared about was seeing a vicious Bigfoot killing and eating campers. And even that sucked.

Boring Plot-O-MaticA blazing fire rips its way through Bear Valley National Park. As the firefighters try to contain it, the animals are being forced out of their habitat including a beast that was better left undiscovered.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

You're getting a 5 question Q&A review. Deal with it.

1.) I heard Bigfoot knows muy thai and uses a revolver in this film. Is that true?

That would have made an interesting movie but he doesn't. He does seem to kill a lot of people, from firefighters, cops, criminals, scientists and a rogue hunter. He's the serial killer of missing link creatures.

2.) So does Bigfoot fly and have X-ray vision?

I wouldn't be surprised if he did. He's got super strength, can climb trees like a goddamn squirrel, be stealthy like a goddamn ninja and can get on a roof of a house in less than 5 seconds. He also likes tossing corpses through windows (something I enjoy as well)

3.) I heard this movie is about deforestation and how man has raped the natural world by building more highways and displacing animals from their habitats. So are there boobies in this?

Boobies are like vodka. I could get drunk on em. But the movie did introduce me to Anna Enger, a stunning beauty whose performance in this was quite good. She played the most lovable murderer I've seen in a while.

4.) You described the special effects in Dismal as: "The CGI fire and explosion look so fake, it's like they put a lighter in front of the camera." Are the CGI effects as bad in Savage?

The gore effects are pretty standard. Nothing a 3rd grader couldn't do with a couple of ketchup packets. There is an explosion in the end. They have to stop putting explosions in their films.

5.) Is there a wildly, ambiguous ending that foreshadows a sequel that will never see the light of day?

Yuppers. It seems we haven't seen the last of this ninja, steroid abusing Bigfoot.

Savage is just another horror cash in on the Sasquatch films. The thing about SyFy original movies is they've accepted the fact their creature features are cheesy and B-movie. One has to understand what they get into when they make a "When Animals Attack" type horror flick. If only they pitted muy thai Bigfoot vs a Shark with telekinesis powers. That would have been awesome.

Nude-ipedia

Negative Zero

Gore-ipedia

Your standard bloody bloodAnimal trauma

WTF moment

Bigfoot's face closeup look like a mask from a 99 cents store

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Savage is being distributed via MTI Home Video. Watch at our own risk.