tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post6149242203435014186..comments2018-02-13T02:43:16.944-06:00Comments on Thoughts of a First Wife: My plots and thoughtsVenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15011130955742407024noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-72607893305944457742008-07-02T19:29:00.000-06:002008-07-02T19:29:00.000-06:00Asalamalaykom Sister V.,Sorry that I wasn't here e...Asalamalaykom Sister V.,<BR/><BR/>Sorry that I wasn't here earlier. <BR/><BR/>I do have some knowledge on this, unfortunately.<BR/><BR/>Allah is truly The One Who is Most Just. You don't have to devise some devlish (yes, a good word choice) plan to outwit, outplay, and outlast. This isn't the game of Survivor. This is Islam. Just be yourself and be good.<BR/><BR/>I'll tell you this: when myYosrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02032254803613054574noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-85561047709566941402008-06-21T11:35:00.000-06:002008-06-21T11:35:00.000-06:00The only sad thing I want to add to this is that y...The only sad thing I want to add to this is that you asked if you just want to win....<BR/><BR/>Yes, I think a part of us does want to win. After all, you were with him longer and had his heart first. But in his mind....it doesn't work like that.<BR/><BR/>You also said.."My husband and I have a bond between us that I know he will miss when I am not there."<BR/><BR/>I thought the same thing....Safahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03753208969449031396noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-47763724491183069742008-06-21T00:17:00.000-06:002008-06-21T00:17:00.000-06:00Applemuffins: Yes please link me to your blog. Jaz...Applemuffins: Yes please link me to your blog. <BR/><BR/>Jazakum Allahu khairan for all the comments. You made me really think a lot. You are all correct in your thinking especially PM. Thank you for being so straight up with me, but in a polite way. I really appreciate all the advice given from ALL if you. There were things mentioned in the comments that I will always keep in mind.You all might venahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15011130955742407024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-23397974097839610552008-06-20T19:23:00.000-06:002008-06-20T19:23:00.000-06:00Assalamualaikum,Dear sister, What is marriage? Def...Assalamualaikum,<BR/><BR/>Dear sister, What is marriage? Define marriage. the reasons you married your husband. the meaning of marriage when you married your husband. has it changed throughout these years? <BR/><BR/>maybe for all the thoughts that you have, you just need to realise what marriage is all about. <BR/><BR/>so what if your husband marries 3? so what if whatever happens. that is not applemuffinshttp://applemuffins.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-70542078373419277952008-06-20T14:05:00.000-06:002008-06-20T14:05:00.000-06:00Asalam Alaykum Sister, Keeping on writing and writ...Asalam Alaykum Sister, <BR/><BR/>Keeping on writing and writing (perhaps even doing some private writing) to get these thoughts down on paper so you can examine and flush things out. I pray that you benefit from this link! iamsheba.comBrowngurlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-18944462661845115472008-06-20T07:57:00.000-06:002008-06-20T07:57:00.000-06:00I say burn her heart the way she burned yours. But...I say burn her heart the way she burned yours. But that's the evil in me. It also could blow up in your face. Women are emotionally attached to their husband not their other wives. How would you feel if he legally married Lisa?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-5705390561614055382008-06-20T05:28:00.000-06:002008-06-20T05:28:00.000-06:00I think you are really playing a destructive game ...I think you are really playing a destructive game here, sister. First of all, after 2.5 years I feel that you need to put the anger behind you and put your energy into the positive work of strengthening your marriage. I would suggest some serious counseling and if after that you still cannot accept your husbands marriage to lisa, then you might consider moving on and getting a divorce.<BR/><BR/>IPMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06039810429646916382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-74894894214827263452008-06-19T12:46:00.000-06:002008-06-19T12:46:00.000-06:00Assalamu AlaikumGood to read from you again! I thi...Assalamu Alaikum<BR/><BR/>Good to read from you again! I think that for me, this was the most heartfelt thing you have written yet. I, nor anyone else here can tell you whats best or what is the easiest for you--in this life or the next--only Allah does. You are in my duas inshaallah, and I love you for Allah<BR/><BR/>Assalamu AlaikumUmmRaniahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12656810637069590405noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-2926721477615009732008-06-19T12:02:00.000-06:002008-06-19T12:02:00.000-06:00Salaam sister Vena!I am so happy that you replied ...Salaam sister Vena!<BR/><BR/>I am so happy that you replied to my blog..I am smiling from ear to ear right now!<BR/><BR/>What you are feeling is a result of pented up frustration..yes, you have a right to feel how you do as you are human and are subjected to a array of emotions..BUT I do not feel that adding another Wife to the equation right now would be such a good thing..it not only puts a gr8fultohimswthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12630609820374802858noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-71322777776870200362008-06-19T12:01:00.000-06:002008-06-19T12:01:00.000-06:00Asalaamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullah Vena,I have read y...Asalaamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullah Vena,<BR/><BR/>I have read your blog for a long time but never posted. I really admire your strength and I can only imagine how you must feel, ukhti. May Allah reward you for everything you are going through, and for everything that you have done for your husband, your children, and his children.<BR/><BR/>For some reason, I had the urge to reply today. I am not inUmm Hafsahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-38120451313449526192008-06-18T10:10:00.000-06:002008-06-18T10:10:00.000-06:00Vena, Why did the scholar who married your husband...Vena, Why did the scholar who married your husband and List no investigate before performing the Nikah. Why are the scholars allowing this to happen to our Muslim families. If you noticed, I don't agree with what I was suggesting, I was merely trying to highlight why polygyny in America doesn't work. Your children and you are paying for the cost. Seriously, the IMAMS in America need to think.Organic-Muslimahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02401078847828763090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-38360708065684104242008-06-17T18:03:00.000-06:002008-06-17T18:03:00.000-06:00Salaams Vena:Islamic marriage is harder to get out...Salaams Vena:<BR/><BR/>Islamic marriage is harder to get out of than civil marriage. Where I live, the imams aren't so willing to grant a divorce unless it's for a really awful and sinful reason.Safiyyahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07670659439981133346noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-89586960547838241382008-06-17T14:01:00.000-06:002008-06-17T14:01:00.000-06:00I just want to quickly explain how my husband is n...I just want to quickly explain how my husband is not breaking the law. My husband is not married to me or lisa legally. I didn't marry my husband legally even before she ever entered into the picture. we were married over two years before she came along and I never wanted to get married legally. I have been married legally before and it is hell to get out if need be. I like it the way it is. We venahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15011130955742407024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-26548715296439817952008-06-17T12:42:00.000-06:002008-06-17T12:42:00.000-06:00I can see how you might wish you had another co-wi...I can see how you might wish you had another co-wife who would be a "team-mate" instead of only competition for your husband's time, finances, etc.<BR/><BR/>My sisterwife and I live together and so we share expenses, I get help with the kids, I have another woman around for company, we split housework, and Hubby can spend time with all of us together (except at night). That way we aren't *C*https://www.blogger.com/profile/08611317244091637759noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-19648486969032809222008-06-17T12:38:00.000-06:002008-06-17T12:38:00.000-06:00hi vena, i think your thoughts are not that bad at...hi vena, i think your thoughts are not that bad at all.. i remember it was so hard for 2nd when I entered and it made her realize she was way unfair towards 1st. And i found it hard when 4th came.. that made me realize some things as well. I hope if your husband gets a 3rd that she will truly be your sister and friend. It might turn out differently you know. <BR/>Ask God to help you out here. He 3rd...https://www.blogger.com/profile/13719722967344319274noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-57255386572572965052008-06-17T12:28:00.000-06:002008-06-17T12:28:00.000-06:00Hello...I came across this blog several weeks ago ...Hello...I came across this blog several weeks ago and read through it while you were taking a break.<BR/><BR/>I can read your pain in nearly ever post you make...it comes out so clear its almost tangible and concrete...Ive read peoples comments and how they sypathize with you and always advise you to be patient etc. <BR/><BR/>Something I didnt read even once...but I may be wrong as I cant be sureCoolred38https://www.blogger.com/profile/07502256532402473484noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-90358735226918647232008-06-17T09:10:00.000-06:002008-06-17T09:10:00.000-06:00Thank you umm fawlana for the link. I did check it...Thank you umm fawlana for the link. I did check it out and insha Allah I will be a regular reader. please keep writing. It is wonderful to get the other side of things.venahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15011130955742407024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-61341293881215982622008-06-17T09:09:00.000-06:002008-06-17T09:09:00.000-06:00Sister not everything that is halal should be done...Sister not everything that is halal should be done. My husband should have never married her to begin with. You never fix a marriage by getting another marriage. Where is the sense in that? Our problems were minor and fixable, but instead of my husband being patient he decided to run from his problems and created new problems in the process. My husband is providing, but since he's married her I venahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15011130955742407024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-89362515803459658712008-06-17T08:36:00.000-06:002008-06-17T08:36:00.000-06:00as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahUkthi I know how ...as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah<BR/><BR/>Ukthi I know how you feel. In my previous marriage my co-wives were brought in under this curtain of secrecy. They had a relationships with each other before marriage, and I felt betrayed! But revenge won't make you feel better.<BR/><BR/>It's hard, I know, but turn to Allaah, sounds cliche? It works!<BR/>check me out at http://hissecondwife.blogspot.comUmm Fawlaanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07469245126175504087noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-18934561950494706692008-06-17T05:58:00.000-06:002008-06-17T05:58:00.000-06:00Well, let me be the devil's advocate here. If he m...Well, let me be the devil's advocate here. If he married in a halal manner and is providing for both of you, why are you angry? Isn't what he chose to do halal? Why are you angry at Lisa? According to your understanding, they both avoided temptation and married. According to you, your husband is trying to be the best husband to you by working hard. You say it's not fair because the time you shareOrganic-Muslimahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02401078847828763090noreply@blogger.com