Then I went over to the kitchen, tracked down a bottle of cooking sherry, threw down a big drink, which went straight into the hole in the roof of my mouth and into my brain, making me instantly rat-arsed, and I sat down at the table.

How will the maverick Norman Lamb's "pint police", "beer bobbies" and "spirits serjeants" distinguish between people who happen to be drunk - rat-arsed or otherwise - for different reasons and have different causes for being in hospital that are more or less their fault.