Wednesday, December 25, 2013

FIVE RESOLUTIONS FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE YEAR.

I can cross “Learn Photoshop” off the list, Kitteh.

[1.] Pack a 2013 Survival Kit. I’d have a hard
time surviving, over the next few days, without Middle Eastern dips. So, I’d
probably hoard a lot of chickpeas. The expiration dates on the cans, however,
read 2016. The chickpea economy isn’t, apparently, betting on a late 2013
disaster. I could eat all the Middle Eastern dip, like, straight away.
Conversely, I could donate the chickpeas to the needy. (You know: Help the
hummus.)

[2.] Get This Punning out of My
System.
So, a Sea Anemone seduces Eminem. (They have relations.) A while later, a
squishy, rapping offspring comes along, an Eminemone. It’s wanted by the law.
It’s really wanted by the law. It’s Public Eminemone No. 1.

[3.] Write a ‘Dear Critics’ Letter. In it, I’d
acknowledge our Critics-Criticized relationship. I’d look up the word ‘enmity’
in a reputable dictionary, just to be content with its edges, and afterwards,
pledge my fondness for their enmity. Without their criticism, I’d reason, I’d
probably just topple over, as if I lived, quote, “in the Windy State of Your
Criticism, and the wind, of a sudden, ceased to blow.”

[4.] Finally Decide between Blu-Ray
and the Cloud.
What the hell is Blu-Ray anyhow? Is that someone’s nickname? Like, Blu-Ray Bradbury?
(Agh!) Can I put Blu-Ray in the Cloud? I guess on a cloudy day, it’s a lot of
Blu-Ray up there, am I right?

APPEARANCES WITH HETERODYNE IMPROVISATIONAL MUSIC PROJECT

I have appeared several times (as “Words”) with the Heterodyne improvisational music project, which is led by Maria Shesiuk and Ted Zook. Other performers have included Sarah Hughes, Leah Gage, Doug Kallmeyer, Bob Boilen, Sam Lohman, Amanda Huron, and Patrick Whitehead. Here are three free sample recordings, each about 30 minutes long, available on Soundcloud: