Comments on: Cookies for my weddinghttp://www.eatthedamncake.com/2010/08/02/cookies-for-my-wedding/
self-acceptance is deliciousWed, 24 Sep 2014 09:54:16 +0000hourly1http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.1By: Eat the Damn Cake » everyone is supposed to be exercising all the timehttp://www.eatthedamncake.com/2010/08/02/cookies-for-my-wedding/comment-page-1/#comment-70683
Eat the Damn Cake » everyone is supposed to be exercising all the timeFri, 02 Nov 2012 16:14:17 +0000http://www.eatthedamncake.com/?p=1007#comment-70683[...] embarrassing. I was trying to accept my arms, at the same time. Because I was going to wear this frustratingly sleeveless wedding gown and stuff, and I had to be [...]
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ShannonWed, 11 Jan 2012 19:48:57 +0000http://www.eatthedamncake.com/?p=1007#comment-49077Love this post! I really struggle with guilt over eating sweets in particular and this post really hit home for me. Thanks so much for reminding me that it’s okay to have a cookie. And then another.
]]>By: Eat the Damn Cake » (finally) a summary of the whole weird and wild wedding experiencehttp://www.eatthedamncake.com/2010/08/02/cookies-for-my-wedding/comment-page-1/#comment-26419
Eat the Damn Cake » (finally) a summary of the whole weird and wild wedding experienceTue, 19 Jul 2011 17:01:42 +0000http://www.eatthedamncake.com/?p=1007#comment-26419[...] Cookies for my wedding: a post about not dieting in preparation for my wedding. [...]
]]>By: Roguehttp://www.eatthedamncake.com/2010/08/02/cookies-for-my-wedding/comment-page-1/#comment-2809
RogueTue, 03 Aug 2010 21:32:36 +0000http://www.eatthedamncake.com/?p=1007#comment-2809Kate,

You rock and you are so right. I say this as i shove delicious espresso dark chocolate into my mouth, mmm. I get those feverish hunger pains in the middle of the night too. It sucks, and I don’t know what to do to make them go away, I guess I could just stop eating that late at night and then I will stop having cravings…but there is something soothing about going to bed on a full stomach. Hmmm.

I can’t believe you’re getting married in 67 days! I am sad I won’t be able to be there. I will be in New Zealand already and hard at work, researching genetic testing. Who knew?

Anyway, keep up the great work! And I love the drama with this Danielle chick. I know neither of you are trying to be malicious…too malicious, but it definitely made me click on the link, knowing that there was drama…a good gimmick! Not that you’re writing alone, without feminist drama isn’t worth reading. It just adds spice! You know how I feel about spice!

Love you,

Rogue

]]>By: Ellie Dihttp://www.eatthedamncake.com/2010/08/02/cookies-for-my-wedding/comment-page-1/#comment-2791
Ellie DiTue, 03 Aug 2010 18:58:44 +0000http://www.eatthedamncake.com/?p=1007#comment-2791@San D: OMG I used to read Frog and Toad stories when I was little! I totally remember this one. <3
]]>By: Ellie Dihttp://www.eatthedamncake.com/2010/08/02/cookies-for-my-wedding/comment-page-1/#comment-2790
Ellie DiTue, 03 Aug 2010 18:57:44 +0000http://www.eatthedamncake.com/?p=1007#comment-2790Your thoughts about being chubby for your wedding really resounded with me. I got married last June at the heaviest I’ve ever been – I can’t come to terms with how I look in those pictures. Not yet. My corset shows how far from my “happy weight” I had gone and looking at them makes me sad. But you know what? I enjoyed eating everything I ate to get there, so it’s not a total loss.

I read the dissenting post on your blog and a few of the comments that have been exchanged, and I have to say, I think Carly hit the nail on the head. The entire second half of your post is a soapbox-style rant with every sentence headed off by “I am a feminist because…”. It sounds to me like you really worked yourself into a self-righteous lather over the whole thing and used Kate as the undeserving target for your feelings of frustration.

You say you’ve asked Kate to explain her “position” on women’s rights. What position are you expecting her to take? Are you expecting her to say “I think women OUGHT to make less money than their male counterparts, starve themselves to live up to the male expectation of beauty, and get back in the kitchen and make their husbands a sandwich”?

You’re right: as you so strenuously insist, you DON’T know Kate, and if you HAD taken the time to read more of her blog posts instead of basically Breitbarting her, you would already know her position on women’s rights or at least be able to make a good enough guess not to make her out as your enemy when she’s anything but.

And if anyone is on the defensive now, it’s you, because you know you spoke off the cuff too hastily and without enough background. Kate’s opinions and her positions on the subject are published right here for all the world to see. She doesn’t owe you a personalized explanation. Just read the rest of her blog!

And by the way, repetition as a literary device is only effective when used sparingly. Your blog post really went overboard with the whole “I’m a feminist because…” harangue. Just a tip from one writer to another: try to vary your prose a little bit. But what do I know, I’m just a man. (Yes, that was sarcasm).

]]>By: Carlyhttp://www.eatthedamncake.com/2010/08/02/cookies-for-my-wedding/comment-page-1/#comment-2780
CarlyTue, 03 Aug 2010 17:52:42 +0000http://www.eatthedamncake.com/?p=1007#comment-2780@Danielle – I am more than happy to listen to you, but I get the distinct impression you are not listening to me. I did not claim that you did or should know anything about Kate’s history. But I did provide specific examples of you being intentionally hurtful and condescending, and I did provide specific examples *from the post you were criticizing* showing that Kate’s position is not the caricature you imagined.

Also, obviously your original post was not a request for clarification, but (in my opinion) an angry misinformed diatribe. So even if you are being reasonable now, you still might owe Kate an apology.

Also, I can’t imagine why you think a public forum is an inappropriate place to respond to your hurtful comments in *the same public forum*.

How many times do I have to say I DO NOT KNOW KATE? I said it at least 4 times in my comment alone.

I love and and open to any and all discourse related to feminism. It’s incredibly difficult to have those discussions when you’re talking to people who refuse to listen.

I’ve asked for Kate to explain her position, and asked her for clarity as she says that we have some commonality in our feelings about women’s rights, but has yet to explain the extent of her position on women’s rights beyond “I do not call myself a feminist anymore”. To this end, I do not feel that Kate has made that clear to me yet. I’ve asked for her to make that clear.

How, then, is that not listening to her?

I’ve opened the channel for dialogue with Kate, both here and on my site. I don’t need to know Kate’s entire history in order to comment on what is clearly an inflammatory, provocative post. If that were the case, conversation on the internet as we know it would cease to exist.

To this point, I’ve handled the situation with as much respect as it requires. I will continue to do so. But I will not continue to comment here. I do not feel that I need to defend either myself or my comments further.

Kate, if you wish to contact me, please do so via email. I welcome the opportunity to talk with you more, but I don’t think the comment section of either of our blogs is the place to do so.

I feel like there is little I can add here, especially when Carly put it so well. I find your comments to be emblematic of a rampant problem on the internet — you don’t actually know Kate and its nonconstructive to act like you do. Your assumption to know what she’s about based on one post sets you up to be a monologuer instead of a dialoguer. If you’re truly interested in advancing the discourse on feminism, it might help to listen to others who are trying to do the same, even if it seems at first glance that their approach is radically different than your own. And, perhaps most egregiously, your cringe-inducing blatant condescension and jabs at Kate’s age and experience as a blogger run so contrary to a pro-feminist agenda that I’m not sure how to take you seriously. But hey, I only know you based on your comments here and one blog post you wrote, so who am I to say.