End of a Relationship and the Expression of Love

About seventeen years ago I came to the end of a relationship and was divorced from my partner. I was feeling unhappy and desperate and it felt like we were stuck in our relationship.

It was like we had an arrangement but there was no love in how we lived together. We were comfortable in our life but we were not truly respectful with each other and any true intimacy and honouring of each other was missing. It was a horrible feeling to stay with him, but to leave him also did not feel true, because I still felt love for this man. I had always had the feeling this love would never stop. I never truly wanted to leave him but I did not know at this stage how I could go on living with him.

When I finally made the choice to leave my partner it was because I just could see no way to continue living with him without constantly compromising myself to fit into his life.

I now know that then I had no love for myself. I was constantly trying to please him. I did not feel that I was worthy enough and that he would stay at my side when I started doing the things I enjoyed, or living my truth or meeting the friends I felt to meet.

During the last 17 years, since the divorce, we had very little contact as I had felt to stop the contact totally.

Since then I have been developing self-love through the inspiration of Universal Medicine. I have been learning more and more to be with me and to respect myself and my body.

By being self-loving, my awareness of how to be and how to express love in the relationship I have now has grown immensely.

Some weeks ago my ex-partner contacted me because he had suffered injuries in a motorbike accident. He came to see me and received Esoteric Healing.

When we met, we immediately felt the same connection again as in earlier times. What I felt between us was flowing love, without any of the emotional attachments; the old reproaches and difficulties were not there anymore.

This is a living proof for me that we are all connected, deeply so. But most of us, most of the time, choose to not be aware of this connection.

Then I began to wonder:

Is it true that we only love one person (our partner, wife or husband) in our lives, and not anybody else?

Can we truly love one person more than another, including ourselves?

Even if it seems like we would have different intensities of love with different persons, perhaps this is not true?

What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?

Love, to express love and to be loving, is something natural that is within us. And sometimes we seem to not feel love towards another person, but is this true?

If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?

In truth it is very easy to choose love, because we are made of love.

With my ex-partner, we now have a natural loving relationship, which inspires him to look more closely at his daily choices. He is taking more care of himself and his body and as such his loving choices have increased.

The same happens with my close family members, husband and daughter, with my friends, colleagues and relatives: our flow together and our communication is much more loving and harmonious. This brings an awesome joy into our daily lives.

Who would have thought that the end of a relationship could eventually inspire so much love?

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Living in a valley close to Stuttgart/Germany. Enjoying life by treating people with love. Eating the food my husband has cooked and laughing with my daughter is a treat. I like singing, dancing and supporting people to move gently. And yes, I love walking in our hilly countryside and watching the moon and the stars by night.

Shevon I agree. I used to want other people to change their behaviour to suit me but I have learnt that its only me that I can change. When I have been willing to look at myself and make changes, that has been very powerful.

Same for me Debra – for a long time I made it about others changing and was miserable when they didn’t change and then still disappointed if they did because it still didn’t make me feel any different! The only thing that has brought about true change has been changing me, and in this my relationships with others have naturally changed also.

So true Shevon. So easy to deflect the blame to others but true healing and love can only be, when we first take responsibility for ourselves and build the love within our own lives first. I love this line Natalie – “When we start to truly love ourselves first then we can start to feel true love in others. In those connections we are one.”

Well said, Shevon. Things can change so much when we stop looking at life through the eyes of our hurts. When we let go of the hurt, those around us often respond in a way that opens up the potential once more for connection, no matter what has happened in the past. It is amazing that it is never too late to love. Thank you Kerstin for this lovely reminder.

So true Shevon, everything changes when we start loving ourselves, allowing ourselves to just be, no have to’s, no goals to achieve, ‘just’ being love. Loving me is the basis of loving every one on a deeper level and equally.

So wisely said Shevon: “in Truth things only change when we change”. The truest of statements that sounds so simple, but putting it into practice, although often challenging, is in my experience absolutely well worth any challenge. It all comes back to self responsibility.

This is, increment by increment, becoming my way too, so I will double double that!
The more love I have for myself the more love I have for others. Some see it as selfish, to love ourselves first, it is ingrained in us deeply to do for others first. We look for love through someone outside of ourselves, and do things to be liked and accepted. But what could be more beautiful to re-connect to our OWN Love which then reflects back to others to feel it in themselves too. Now that can’t be selfish.

Beautifully said Kerstin and Natalie. It does start with us knowing that we are truly love and to feel that we have to live in such away. When honouring this love it becomes very clear that everyone is equal to this love. When I feel fluctuations of this true honoring love for any other, it’s a reflection of where I’m missing deeply loving and connecting to me first.

Dear Kerstin, what a lovely blog to remind us all that in truth, no relationship ever has to end, simply that it may take a different form of expression. We may not see the person as often (or perhaps ever in some cases) however when we first connect to that love within ourselves, we know we are connected nonetheless. I love what you share about the relationship you now have with your ex. I am currently going through the end of a relationship myself in a very practical sense (i.e. settlement, divorce, etc.), and although the process has been / is not always easy, I too am learning that the more love I develop for myself, the more naturally loving our relationship is becoming. Through the inspiring teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I am learning not to react to unloving behaviours and choices of another and by feeling the love that I naturally am, am able to more clearly feel and express the love that another naturally is also.

That is very true Angela, when we feel our own love, it becomes easier to not react to unloving behaviour from others, still challenging at times, but it does offer us an anchor to adhere to. How beautiful to be going through a marriage breakup and to be discovering that your relationship is becoming more loving, even though you are separating – it is a great example of how we can gently and lovingly choose to stop sharing our lives with someone.

I have just had this experience Rowena of being able to observe someone else’s behaviour and remain objective which was an amazing testament to the fact that by building a body of love supports you to not go into reaction. This is pretty remarkable as I was very reactive but instead of trying to control myself and my reactions by building loving nurturing consistent care of my body my thoughts and behaviours have changed. And yes I agree with you this blog is very inspiring on how to be with the ending of a marriage.

To trust our inner core gives us an anchor and it helps us see our responsibility in the turn of events. Through Universal Medicine I’m learning to trust myself, avoid compromissions, observe and not react. How different would have been my divorce had I known about Universal Medicine.

I am finding that too Rowena, that the more love I have for myself, the less I react to others’ unloving behaviours also. And this feels so freeing. And I love your analogy regarding an “anchor to adhere to”, that’s what it feels like to me – a more solid foundation inside.

I love that Angela, “naturally loving”. I am not going through the end of a relationship or divorce, in fact I am in an ever deepening and more aware relationship with my partner, and that is because of the same reason, the more love I connect with in myself and express in my living, the more he responds and the more our relationship expands. This does not mean “being loving” (unnatural loving) but “being Love”, (natural loving) which can include naming a truth about problems that arise between us honestly, and clear the way for deeper expression. I feel this is important, as my old “idea” of how to express love in the past was more like being nice! That is giving myself away, and not living the whole of me, the love that I am, not respectful of either of us. I returned to this blog Kirsten because of your beautiful expression that has been so insightful and helpful.

I love how you have written about this. The ending of relationships has not been like this for me, I have held on to my hurts and pushed them away. What you are doing here, is showing us that there IS another way to be with the end of a relationship.

I agree Ariana, sharing with others that there is another way to end relationships and effectively starting them again with a new beginning and new foundations with the same person shows us our relationships can be reimprinted and reestablished in such a respectful and healthy manner is really inspiring for us all.

Angela, this would make an incredible supporting blog. More people going through divorce, expressing what it is like for them. It seems like such a taboo subject. Nobody wants to go there. Too make hurts and truths to expose-however so important for us all to really understand the truth of. May I inspire you to write an article? I will be watching out for it. I am single, yet in a relationship with someone going through this process. It really helps to understand what both parties are going through and to hold love for myself first and then clearly read what is playing out with each person when the situation has the potential to become stressful or complicated. Thank you Angela and Kerstin for initiating this important subject.

The power of not reacting. To be still and observe situations, people and behaviours allows us to see the truth of situations instead of getting enmeshed in them. This gives us the space to respond accordingly. I know whenever I do, I am left feeling fresh, very aware and non emotional.

I found your blog really inspiring. I have never had a relationship with a partner where we came anywhere near being open like this one. Not to go into comparison, it just shows me how my relationships ended and how much I was in reaction….hurt… and didn’t know how to heal such hurt. It’s great to read how this was possible for you and just how much love there is in you to support this to happen.

What an amazing sharing, Ariana. As we are the sons of God, there is the same love in everybody and everybody has a different challenge to learn to accept this love more and more in his or her life. Yes, we are so used to comparing ourselves in this world. If we only look at all the sport competitions going on, it is nothing else as a never-ending comparison. Serge Benhayon, who also was into sports competition knows about its harmful outcome in our bodies. He never ceases to reflect and remind us that this powerful love inside of us is in everybody equal and that there is a way to live this everyday.

Indeed Kerstin, Serge Benhayon IS constant in this reflection (no matter how much I have wavered in my commmitment) which inspires me to always re-connect to the love within me… Such is the way of us as forever students of love.

An honest sharing Ariana. I have never had a relationship with an ex partner either and can see that I too didn’t know how to truly heal the hurt, so I buried it instead. However, the self-love that I have been practicing and developing over the past few years since meeting Serge Benhayon, is indeed opening me up to another way to be with the end of a relationship. And what I am finding is the magnetic pull within me, the one that knows love absolutely and recognises that absolute in all others, constantly presents me with opportunities to put this into practice in my life. How beautiful it feels to be opening up in this way. Thank you Kerstin for your inspiration.

You probably know this but it takes two to have an open, loving relationship. Sometimes one partner does everything right but the other is too hurt to go there yet (or even ever). That is their right and it is no reflection on us.

I love what you say here Ariana. We all need to be made aware how to heal our hurts as not letting go of them is not healthy for anyone. Further, if our hurts remain unresolved they have a habit of resurfacing again and again in other relationships anyway only reinforcing these same patterns and only serving to continue to feed the vicious circle of these hurts over and over, again and again. Learning to heal and let go of our hurts is essential for the health of us all.

What if when people divorce the aim of all participants including mediators and lawyers was not solely a civil, or at very best an amicable separation and division of property, but as you have found is possible, love and connection, albeit that the partnership has come to an end? Wow, how would that be?

Yes Catherine, if we have ever experienced to truly love a person, there is the question, can this love ever end. And if there is not anymore love felt, what has changed in us that this could happen? Love is very natural expression in us.

Kerstin – what an interesting, and profound question. When things go wrong with relationships, as with all things, so often people try to see what they or perhaps more often the other, did wrong, rather than focusing on love, and what changes they need to make to bring themselves back to love. Our default mechanism seems to be to blame or judge, either ourselves or the other, but how can that bring us back to love?

As divorce rates are so high that seems like a very astute point to make Lorraine and Catherine, to focus on how to come back to love and not to blame or judge.

Janet says:January 23, 2015 at 6:40 am

Thank you, Kerstin. I love how you keep bringing it back to the fact that everyone has the same love inside them. This is a truth that is important to connect to when there is disharmony in relationships or when couples choose not to be together any more.

Great point Catherine – how amazing if the marriage guidance services and counselling, lawyers and so on worked solely to support a disharmonious relationship to heal, back to true harmony – whether or not those persons stayed living together, or got divorced.

What you present is an amazing possibility Catherine. The beautiful article by Kerstin has shown that a loving separation is possible, what would happen if all those involved with divorces worked together towards every single one being as loving as is possible?

Great points here about just bringing it back to love, not about blaming yourself or your partner. From time to time I have had some lovely long loving chats with my ex-husband, and at the same time I do not feel I have to do that unless I feel to. The love is there anyway.

Catherine – that would be awesome… you’ve described a truly inspirational service that these professionals could offer. And if the mediation was successful we would be sending two people out into the world feeling and being more love, rather than one couple disaffected by it!

This blog is great as it exposes that the love we have for someone doesn’t change it’s just the emotional investments and not dealing with our hurts that muddy the waters. I also love..

“What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them…?”

…as I can totally relate to this. The depth of connection I have with some reflects where I can get to with everyone when I have truly dealt with all the issues that hold me back from expressing the same love with everyone else. We can also go deeper with the revelation that when we are reacting to an unloving behaviour from someone and are not feeling our own true love, in that moment we are not liking the unloving behaviour because this potentially is asking us to step up and be more love or is showing us that this is how we have been behaving to others which we do not wish to see and feel.

Dear Kerstin, what a truly beautiful revelation and blog, one I know I’ll come back to. What struck a chord was “If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?” Yes yes yes – There are many times I have felt this to be true, I know when I feel the true love and tenderness in me I instantly feel that love equally for all others, even those I may just be passing on the street. And there are times when I have been in so much reaction to another’s behaviours and or choices that I harden to feeling the love that I am and they are equally, but, I know when I do, all my hardness and protection goes and I see and just feel absolute love for another. Thank you Kerstin for sharing this.

This is such a deeply beautiful article showing the possibilities and changes that can happen when we truly love ourselves and are open to loving another for who they are without any expectations. That was exactly the same sentence that struck a chord with me and I also felt, could it be that we are reacting to an unloving behaviour from ourselves as well, that stops us expressing love to another – not just a partner but with anyone.

Kerstin, this is an inspiring and truly beautiful sharing of your relationship and the journey of love you have embarked on since your divorce and how amazingly this has changed so much in your life and that of your family. It shows clearly how little love we have had in our relationships and how taking responsibility for this and building the love for ourselves can change everything with ourselves and with everyone we know and meet. Thank you

“Taking responsibility for this and building the love for ourselves can change everything with ourselves and with everyone we know and meet.” You’ve hit the nail on the head here Tricia, so often we try to make everything else okay, relationships at home, at work, with friends, family and partners, and in that forget about building a loving relationship with ourselves, and how in truth it is that connection, relationship and love that changes everything and our relationships with all others.

One of the myriad of things I have been inspired by during the time I have known Serge Benhayon is the depth of love he and his former wife have for each other. My parents divorced when I was in my teens and individually I know they still loved each other, but they never found a way to get past the hurts and prickly way of communicating with each other to be loving with each other again. My father was filled with deep regret at the time of my mother’s passing and it feels like this comes because deep down we all know there is a true way of relating with another no matter what the relationship is – from the brief incidental conversation with a stranger to the most intimate of relationships.

To read this account of rebuilding the relationship with one’s former husband so shows the way for others and confirms it too is possible for anyone who finds themselves in this position and that it’s all about being our own love with ourselves first and then connecting with others from that loving way of being.

Absolutely Judith I so agree, there is definitely another way to be in relation-ship with all others, ex partners, friends, family and even what we call strangers, one that is loving and harmonious and not full of hurt and pain. As you so describe about your father I feel many of us carry that deep regret, hurt and pain of knowing our relationship and connections with all others can be a different way. We innately know one that is based of real true love and care, and when we don’t choose this or feel it in some way – to be the love that we are with ourselves and from there connect to all others in this deeply loving way – in comes the hurt and the pain because we absolutely know that this is not the way. We know deeply so even if we choose to deny or resist that we are love and it is natural to love all others in this way.

I can really relate to what you said. I have seen many children really affected by their parents’ divorces. So even if the relationship can’t continue as husband and wife, being able to separate and continue to have a relationship that is loving is an awesome thing that would help so many families, not just the adults, but also the children.

I love your openness in this blog first of all, great to feel your expression. Furthermore the reality of being a student of the way of the livingness is such that countless souls will be drawn to your light as you continue to express the heartfelt truth, as our momentum (the student body’s) continues to grow so does humanity’s return. What is so awesome to me about your blog is how you are not only expressing these isolated experiences you are having in these relationships, but just how TRUE you are clearly living, to the point where an “Ex” Husband has even arrived with an opportunity to re-imprint. Great to read and hear and it’s lovely to be a part of your journey in this way.

Hey Phil, this is a beautiful confirmation. Your words ‘as our momentum (the student body) continues to grow so does humanity’s return’ shows clearly the love we have built amongst each other and how this encompasses humanity.

Thank you so much for this beautiful sharing, Kerstin. I am feeling very much into what you have presented here. I am at a point where I am trying to decide what I want in my intimate relationships — and not falling into the trap of what I ‘should’ be doing because of the ‘role’ I have taken on or compromising because of what others want me to do; for example my husband. Tomorrow I am giving a fiery presentation to my husband and our marriage therapist about exactly what I want, so this was a timely post.

Kerstin, what a divine relevation this is, I can so relate to what you have written and am deeply inspired by your words of wisdom. When we muddy the waters by getting caught up in the hurts and reactions, we only miss out on the true love and connection inside ourselves and with our partner. Thank you.

Beautifully expressed Vanessa. Letting all our unresolved hurts and reactions distract us actually prevents us from feeling the natural love and appreciation of the connection we feel with others. Its like we all have the choice to either feel the love, or not feel the love.

“Love, to express love and to be loving, is something natural that is within us… In truth it is very easy to choose love, because we are made of love.” Thank you Kirsten. This should be the basis of all our education everywhere for it is the fundamental of who we all are.

Wow, Kerstin, thank you. The huge shifts that occur within us and within the framework of society when we accept and appreciate the love that we all are, equally so, are truly life changing and inspiring.

Beautiful Kerstin. I relate to what you are saying and have found it possible to be open to be loving after a relationship. This took a while but as you say, as I built a more loving relationship with me I was able to connect more fully to the love in another, even if that other is an ex-partner or somebody we feel has wronged us in some way. As we move away from reaction we may find that the truth of what we feel for all is love as it is the foundational commonality within all of us.

Thank you for sharing Kirsten, it is inspiring how through developing more love for yourself you have been able to share it with others. So often ex-partners are seen as the bad ones instead of seeing that it’s 2 people involved and both are responsible. It is all too easy to fall into the trap of wanting the relationship to last when there is no love, rather an unchallenging arrangement – so great that you ended the relationship when you did, developed the love in yourself and can now reflect it back showing the true way.

What this has brought up for me is the challenge of holding my expression of love with those who seem far away from love. Holding in love those presenting unloving behaviours can seem a great challenge but this goes when we are in our loving essence ourselves.

Yes Stephen, this has been a challenge for me too. I have found that when I have an investment in wanting someone to be a certain way then I have struggled to stay open. However the moment I say to myself just accept where they are at and make the choice to truly hold them in love then everything shifts – I also feel an inner strength, ease and joy.

Beautiful Michelle and very true. It’s very exhausting to try make people change and there’s no love to be felt in this game. I find that appreciating and accepting myself and where I’m at allows me to also hold others in appreciation and acceptance wherever they are at. Also I’m learning to accept that if the two of us do not combine well at this point in time there’s nothing wrong with either of us. This feels very freeing and the spaciousness allows both to just be.

I love the way you write Kirsten and pose the questions to yourself. It is easy to stop at a certain point in a relationship and blame or allow the hurts to get in the way. It is lovely to hear how through the love for yourself you have re-ignited the love between you and your ex partner. Not the old emotional love but a stronger and deeper love that does not need anything. Thank you for reminding us that we are all connected and how others can feel this when we start to love ourselves and the ripple effect this has.

Thank you Kerstin, This encourages us to look at love and the beliefs we hold in how we can think love is only for one or our close family, more than others, as well as inspiring us to be open to how relationships can actually be no matter who the person is, what the hurts are or past is, so long as we stay open in our own Love. A beautiful sharing and inspiration.

This is a beautiful sharing Kerstin. Thank you. The truth resonates and I felt this line particularly deeply – ‘If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?’ When we do this (and I know I do), it just keeps up on the merry-go-round and nothing changes. By deepening our love of ourselves this slows it down and we can then get off if we so choose!

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, I feel most of us can relate to what you said here. “I now know that then I had no love for myself. I was constantly trying to please him. I did not feel that I was worthy enough and that he would stay at my side when I started doing the things I enjoyed, or living my truth or meeting the friends I felt to meet.”
I know I fell into that trap of giving myself away through a lack of self love. What is so beautiful is after all that time apart you have both re-discovered each other and have now a more natural and loving relationship towards each other. That is so inspiring thank you.

This is so beautiful and inspiring Kerstin about the possibilities to heal past relationships if we learn to truly love ourselves first and the reflection that then goes out to humanity. I found this sentence particularly helpful ‘If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?’ I have a meeting with someone at work today who I have found challenging in the past. I was feeling that I needed to be more open with him but I can now feel that it goes deeper than that and I have a choice in each moment to react or not to his prickliness and just be love. Thank you

Beautiful. I appreciate and learnt much from your comment Helen and can see and feel the level that I am willing to be open with others to is vital to how open and honest our connection is with each other.

Wow, this is a beautiful sharing Kerstin about relationships and love, and yes, “If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?” I so agree with this and I get this reflected many times during the day. It has to do with allowing and accepting ourselves and the other, which is a true foundation for love and a relationship. Great sharing!

I too agree with you Mariette – if we can separate the person from the behaviour then we are able to stay more open hearted towards that person and not react. And yes, acceptance and allowance is very important in any relationship.

Well said Mariette and Loretta. When we hold ourselves with an open heart with others and appreciate and accept the completeness of us both, all the choices we have both made and all of our imperfections, life so much easier and far more loving for everyone.

Thanks Kerstin, I have always struggled with loving everyone the same and so find the following really helpful: If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment? It seems that is how one loves the person, but not what they are choosing to do. Easy!

Hi Kerstin, I can so relate to the ‘arrangement’ you describe – no love and the feeling of being stuck, both compromising to fit into the arrangement. Horrible to feel but so True. Once we are truly honest about it, somehow it feels like it breaks the stuckness and there is another way. This is what happened to my marriage and although we divorced it was amicable because we were honest and it brought a new level of understanding that we hadn’t felt before, a more harmonious way. I love the way you describe how this had a knock on effect on your other relationships too, “our flow together and our communication is much more loving and harmonious.” Everything having its own flow sounds so natural and beautiful to me, thank you for your inspiring blog.

Thank you Kirsten for sharing your experience. I have also been pondering on “Can we truly love one person more than another, including ourselves?” I have been inspired by my 3 year old son who is so open and loving with everyone he meets, he is as joy-full to see his friends and our neighbours as he is to see me and my partner, he talks openly without holding back his love to people on buses and in the street and it feels equal for everyone, it isn’t adjusted, he is himself and open and loving and that doesn’t change or get turned up with his family. He is also very loving with himself and knows how amazing he is and he will agree if someone say’s to him “you are lovely or you are amazing.”

Hi Rebecca, yes young children are great teachers aren’t they, in showing us what we all would like to return to! Their naturalness, openness and love never ceases to inspire me.. I get totally melted by them. They are also great teachers at dealing with their hurts. They don’t hold onto them and once they have expressed them they move on and are immediately open again with no grudge and an ever ready willingness to express love.. They are experts at it!

It is lovely to read both your comments, Rebecca and Michelle about young children. It is so true what you have shared – they really do show us what it is to live in full and that they don’t change with different people.

Exactly Kerstin, the comments from Rebecca, Michelle and Rachel remind me of how I felt as a child. It’s supportive to realise that as I child I already knew what was really important, felt what was true and would say how I felt, not relying on another for love, but just as content with playing by myself. A few minutes after being hurt I remember being playful and laughing again, showing me at least some things washed off like water droplets off a leaf.

So very true Rebecca, I couldn’t help but smile a huge smile and absolutely feel and nod in agreement with what you shared. It is so lovely, amazing and inspiring to observe how young children are just naturally loving with everyone they meet, there is no difference. I remember watching a young boy on the bus with his mum, and a old man came and sat down in the seat next to him, and the joy and love this young boy so openly felt and displayed and did not hold back with this man was so beautiful and inspiring to see. It feels to me children are like, “here I am, here is all of me”

Why don’t we have that as adults, getting rid of what’s holding us back? It’s quite sad how that changes as we get older. Imagine a billion other children like that are open to loving everyone but then get older and are willing to kill another for the sake of war and so on.

Truly amazing Kerstin, this is an amazing article on what it truly means to honour yourself and all others. We are here to respect and love ourselves and all others equally so and you have demonstrated just that in your life experiences.

Thank you Kerstin for your inspiring account of your relationship with your ex husband. By honouring your feelings you allowed both to be free and develop further rather than staying stuck for the sake of security as is so often the norm in our culture. Need or fear of change are often the reason couples stay in relationship which is always a compromise that lacks true love. It is so amazing to know that you have met again after much time and can share a truly loving relationship because of the courage you had to speak the truth.

Thank you for sharing Kerstin. It is wonderful when the connection remains and all the emotional ties and needs are gone. I once was in a relationship where we both felt the time for it to end and because we both felt it at the same time there was a balance and a gorgeousness to it. We actually decided to go on holiday together to celebrate and then parted our ways. It was about ten years ago but I am left still with a completeness and wholeness about it. I appreciated it at the time because my other previous relationships hadn’t finished that way. It just showed me what was possible when love and connection remains.

Yes this is true and even though we don’t speak much now, I feel the connection with him just as strongly as when we were together and from this can feel the connection with everyone else. I also feel to add that somehow because of the supportive and loving way we split it healed LIFE TIMES worth of painful heart ache and break ups.. and that simply I am not holding on to any past hurts from any relationships at any time…. I can appreciate this as it happened well before I found Universal Medicine and went on any courses, proving to myself that our wisdom is innate and already with us.

Beautiful Kerstin, that is simply amazing! You truly have turned a huge concept on its head – that fact that we can hold love for another even when they are an ex-partner is such a clear and unemotional way. Your question “If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?” is very powerful and asks us to not look outward for the solution but to look inward at what we are ignoring. These are the questions we should be constantly asking ourselves. Thank you for such a beautiful post.

I agree with you Rowena, the question, “If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?” is very powerful!

I agree Rowena, that question really stopped me in my tracks it is so significant to me, and allowed me to feel something I had never felt before, and as I look back at my two past marriages I can see how true that was in both relationships. Now I have a partner and we are evolving together in a very loving way, always aware of what needs to be addressed, but I realise that the question of about what is happening when I feel I have no love for my partner is my reaction to how he is because I am not connected to my loving self. Thank you Kirsten.

I agree with you Rowena, the question, “If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?” is very powerful!

This is a great blog Kerstin. I imagine it must of been hard to let go of all the needs and emotional attachments included in a relationship that you felt was not completely true. It is great that you have made this change and that others around you have become open to being more loving themselves. It just takes one person to be love for all else to be inspired to be love too.

‘What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?’ Great question, Kerstin – and a great reminder that the potential exists to hold all in the same absolute love rather than rationing it out according to how close we think the relationship is.

A beautiful sharing Kerstin, so many of us have gone through similar stories, whether it be with an ex-husband or ex -boyfriend, the experience is the same, we all know deep in us that love is always there, we just cover it up with hurts and then get caught up in what others will say or think. But if only we where truthful with ourselves in what we felt and stayed connected, then all relationships could share the depth of love we all have for each other.

So true Amita, powerful and simply put. I love it when you say…
“But if only we were truthful with ourselves in what we felt and stayed connected, then all relationships could share the depth of love we all have for each other”, thank-you for sharing. Also, if all of our relationships could be this way, what an amazing example for our children.

Thank you Kerstin for this amazing sharing and to everyone for their replies. I was having a similar conversation last night with a friend. The contributions are so powerful, sharing that there is another way, that self love shines through the darkness and brings light to sadness when we feel separation, yet in truth we are never separate. Truly inspirational!

Wow, beautiful. I love your article and the possibilities it opens up around relationships and separation. Imagine if when people got divorced, they stayed friends and still had a connection, this would be so healing for them and their family and any children they have, because as it is divorce can be a very difficult thing. Thank you.

Kerstin, I am trilled to read about your experience with love. I got chills when I read how you discovered that the deep connection was still there (though you had not been feeling it before) and surmised “This is a living proof for me that we are all connected, deeply so.” I have always felt this but couldn’t understand what was in the way of us knowing it. Let us learn to SELF LOVE so we can feel the connection we have with all others. Let us clear our issues out so we can make this life about the LOVE THAT IT IS!

“We were comfortable in our life but we were not truly respectful with each other and any true intimacy and honouring of each other was missing.” This was true of my marriage which ended over 20 years ago now. Thankfully we were honest with ourselves and each other and ended it very amicably. The question that arises is why did I settle for that lack of true intimacy? It is through Universal Medicine that I have been able to see the reasons why and through now developing a more honest and loving relationship with myself that I am more open to truly loving relationships with others. Thank you for sharing your experience Kerstin.

Thank you for sharing this again Michelle, it is about being truly intimate and honouring each other, and that intimacy is not just a physical thing but being open, honest, not judging or wanting to be right, nor trying or wanting another be the way you want them to be, but being willing to share, and express how we feel, and listen to how another feels, to be willing to talk about things that don’t feel right and committing to always bring it back to love.

Hi Kerstin thank you, your words have inspired me to ponder on my own experiences of two people destroying each other because they were feeling hurt and didn’t know how to deal with those hurts. We were just constantly reacting with each other for over 40 years. Now, after living on my own for 5 years and having developed a more loving relationship with myself, I can reflect on the gentle man he truly is and I have let go of the anger and misery that I identified with for so long. Now in my 60s and open to the possibility of a new relationship, I am looking at all men in a new light, feeling the tenderness and sensitivity that is naturally there within us all.

So true Eunice…I think we can all relate to many years of experience with experiencing what love is not before finding what love truly is. The irony of it all being that love is so simple, but we can make life so complex.

Beautiful and inspiring piece Kerstin. Thank you. I love the cyclical nature of your experience – how the love that you initially felt for each other was returned to. I love how your ex partner constellated back into your life, feeling on a very deep level the love and light that you now hold, to inspire and share with others. Deeply beautiful.

Thank you for this most amazing and inspiring sharing. LOVE is the basis to all and that should be taught at school or even kindergarten. When we meet people from the deep connection to our own love we instantly cannot but love everybody else equally because we feel that we are all the same inside, in our innermost. Beauty-full reminder.

Hi Kerstin, that old reflection again! If we can’t be loving with ourselves we can’t demand, expect it from others. This is such a huge revelation for most of us as we go around looking for the one, the one to complete us etc etc it is feed to us from all angles. And to stop this roundabout and get off and realise it was in you all along and to then hold this as the basis for all your relationships is inspiring and something I am committed to living, even though I react daily and need to deepen the love for myself – already my life is immensely different to that what it was even a year ago. It is awesome your ex husband is now in your life and in the flow of love as you describe it.

So simple and so true Kerstin. A great reflection for us all to feel and practice. It has been an old pattern of mine to react to people around me who have unloving behaviours, rather than feel the true love inside me. And I love your comment that you may not be liked .. someone said to me recently that ‘it’s none of my business what people think about me’. Since then, I’ve been able to let go of whether anyone likes me or not.

Thank you Kirsten, that question really stopped me in my tracks it is so significant to me, and allowed me to feel something I had never felt before, and as I look back at my two past marriages I can see how true that was in both relationships. Now I have a partner and we are evolving together in a very loving way, always aware of what needs to be addressed, but I realise that the question of about what is happening when I feel I have no love for my partner is my reaction to how he is because I am not connected to my loving self.

Wow, Kerstin. What a beautiful and inspiring blog and also the comments. “If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?” is so powerful and such an opportunity for evolution.

Thank you for your beautiful blog, Kerstin. I felt I was so ‘in love’ with my husband when I met him and when he left I could not (or maybe would not) understand what was happening and what had gone wrong. The intervening years have offered me so much insight into relationships and the meaning of true love. Since becoming a student of Universal Medicine everything from the past now makes sense and “Love” now feels as though it is something that is grounded in the way we live our life and not about the attachments that we make throughout our lives.

Just absolutely gorgeous Kerstin – Thank you. And so deeply true.
What resonated most was this: “What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?”
It has become so clear in my life too that Love is not something we turn on for some and switch off for others – it’s either switched on /beholding of all – or we hold back with all … And life becomes so much more meaning-full when we do let people in no matter how “close”, lover or acquaintance. It is such a joy and so natural to be love.

It is such a joy and so natural to be love, Desiree. Life does become so much more meaningful when we do let people in no matter how close, lover or acquaintance. With friends I used to choose to be with ones who didn’t press my buttons, or whose behavior I didn’t react to. Now I see the behaviors as not them and see the beauty of the person underneath. I have made some amazing connections with others that in the past I would have avoided because I would have been irritated by part of their behaviours. It’s been quite a revelatory experience to realise that the small irritations do not matter and I have been left with the gorgeousness of a new connection that I would not have allowed before.

Thank you for your sharings, Desiree and Rachel. It reminds me again that true love is not emotional but a connection to an inner beauty and preciousness, that I am able to see in other persons too and to meet them with that connection and simplicity.

That has also been my experience Rachel. I have avoided people in the past that may have pushed my buttons. I now see that when this occurs, it is something for me to look at and I ask myself ‘why is this irritating me?’ When I allow myself to get past these minor irritations, I have also allowed myself to make connections with people I wouldn’t have in the past.

So true Matilda – thankyou. Thankyou for sharing Kerstin with such openness. I too found when I re-met my ex-husband at my son’s graduation, 14 years after our separation, the original feelings I had for him were still there and the old resentments etc dissolved away. We had a beautiful connection that day, which felt great, a true blessing for us both, as he passed away later that year.

This should be repeated for all to hear, always – ‘True love has no boundaries, nothing is off limits not space, not time, not people.’ When you know this to be true, life looks and feels very different.

It was a great revelation to me when I realised and felt that true love is not emotional or needy and has no holds or boundaries. It’s not to be switched on or off, it’s a constant way of being for all. Thank you for the blog, Kerstin.

I resonate deeply with your expression here Gill. Returning to be love rather than needing it has brought huge changes to my life. Kerstin, thank you for this very inspiring and healing blog. You shine so much love in person and in your writing.

Thank you again for this blog Kerstin, and sharing how every relationship is a reflection of self and our choices. I am now more aware how my relationships are highlighting my current choices. If I feel tense with someone, judging someone, resenting or reacting to someone it’s more clear this is something that reflects how I am being with myself. But what is becoming more and more clear is the magic of claiming and choosing love, and then allowing understanding and appreciation of myself and others… wow.

Hi Kerstin, I Love your blog, it expresses an honesty of where you were at – without judgement and it appreciates the inspiration of Universal Medicine but most of all what I love is the essence of you which flows through it. I feel this as the tender, gorgeous female that you are, with your beautiful smile and warmth and the twinkle that is always in your eyes. Thank you for being such a reflection for us all.

Thank you Kerstin for this inspiring blog. Its rare that you hear about amicable separations and divorces. You have shown us that by being more open and willing to look at ourselves and be more self loving, this is possible.

Just re-reading this blog and have found myself reflecting on how openly Kerstin is sharing here about how to Love oneself means that we can Love and share Love with another. In this very real and tangible example, Kerstin’s blog shares with us how this is possible, even in relationships we may have given up on. A modern day miracle!

What a thought provoking conversation. It prompted me to reflect back on past relationships and how and why they didn’t work and I can clearly see how the crux of the issues lay in my/our not dealing with personal hurts, issues and baggage that we brought into the relationship and how these things were allowed to influence how I/we were in relationship, effectively poisoning it. Strikes me as a wasted potential.

You bring up a very important point in your blog, Kerstin when you ask “Is it true that we only love one person (our partner, wife or husband) in our lives, and not anybody else?” this is so pervasive in the way that we live. Having been caught in this trap at one time myself, I know how damaging this concept can be. It is a limitation that is placed upon love, which means that if a relationship ends (and a vast majority of people will have a relationship end where they felt that they loved the other person) there is a doubt that the one opportunity to have ‘true love’ has been lost. But this is not love. As Shevon said, love is to share one’s love for our self with another and feel the multiplication of that love as it encounters another love which is the same love. How beautiful!

Kerstin Love – thank you for this very beautiful, open sharing. very confirming and inspiring. Also one of the comments struck me – mentioning that often we tend to focus on what went wrong – did I do wrong or the other – when a relationship breaks up. And this is exactly the trap I found myself in and was falling into again and again every time I met my ex-husband. Instead of just choosing to connect back to the Love and appreciation for the other in who they are we so often get entangled in the reactions to the others un-loving choices or behaviors which exposes the conditional way we approach ourselves and everybody else with.
I heard a wise man say ‘ Nothing you can do connects you to Love – everything you can be connects you to Love.’
How true is this. More and more it sinks in and I understand again that to Love is to allow myself to be the immense Love I am and hold everyone else in that equality. Compassionately and detached from their choices and at times ways of disconnection, but truly understanding as I too still often choose to disconnect from what I deeply know to be true: We all are Love as this is what we’re made of.

Sarah, some lovely shared points, ‘ More and more it sinks in and I understand again that to Love is to allow myself to be the immense Love I am and hold everyone else in that equality ‘. This shows the simplicity we can bring.

Such a powerful example, that nothing truly ends, everything we live carries through to the next moment. That a relationship “ending” can be a loving choice for both parties and that the love felt between them need not fade but can indeed grow as they learn to appreciate the other truly without the chains they may have enslaved themselves under within the relationship.

Kerstin, I love your piece and how you show that even though relationships may change form the connection can still be there and it can be loving. Fantastic sharing for us all. And I love the idea you present that those we are close to are there to show us that we can have this with all – how lovely, and it completely breaks the idea of exclusivity and it’s brother, exclusion. I love that.

What an amazing blog Kerstin, you touched on so many points here. ‘What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?’ – this is so poignant and something I haven’t stopped to consider before, but when reading it in your blog all I felt was that it makes sense. Thank you Kerstin.

I love that reflection too Priscila, it does make sense. ‘What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?’ How beautiful.

I agree Priscila, this is a very powerful line and an invitation to ponder. The reason we feel a stronger connection with our loved ones really is allowed because we usually open up more to them and let them more in. So these are really the essential keys to building more love amongst each other.

This is such a gorgeous blog Kerstin. Thank you for sharing it has helped me to understand difficulties I am having with relationships, especially the line: “If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?” I just have to bring it back to me, always. Thank you again.

Thank you for sharing your experiences of how your relationship with your ex partner evolved. How true it was for you to know that there was more to share than the arrangement between the two of you previously. The ‘more’ was your discovery of self love and how it can heal and build relationships with all. This is a question that it is vital to share, why do we often feel to love only a few when we are all the same and equal? Something to feel and be aware of in our daily lives….

What a simply beautiful sharing Kerstin, and some lovely sharing in the follow on comments. For me, I keep coming back to the importance of developing love for myself, the wider implications of that are huge.

Dear Kerstin, What a beautiful blog! I love your questions particularly…..”What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?” We are all connected and love doesn’t discriminate. And then your question “If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?” These two questions hold in them such equality for every individual. Such a beautiful blessing for everyone.

Thank you Kerstin for a beautiful reminder that we are all connected by love. I have never stayed in contact with my former husbands as for me it felt like a page that I have turned but I hold them in my love just equally as everybody else – no difference. No resentment and no sadness. Just an acceptance of who we were during the time we were together.

If I am not feeling my own love for and within myself how could I ever share or feel that love from another? It would be like myself and the other person operating on different frequencies, leading to miscommunication, assumptions and mistrust. But if we choose to make our frequency of expression love, knowing that everyone can understand and feel that form of communication then none of the misinterpretations can get in the way. Thank you for the reminder that it is my responsibility to maintain the quality of my expressions whatever they may be towards myself and towards others.

What a gorgeous development to your relationship.
Your point, about us all being made from love first, is a great reminder for us to meet people with the same quality and not let their actions override who they are.
It shows that love is always there first, it is simply up to us to choose it.

Kirstin, thanks for your honest blog, particularly for me the paragraph:
” If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment? ”
Reading this has solved a difficulty I have been struggling with recently, and pointed up how I allow my ‘own true love’ to slip away in relationships.

Kerstin, a great article and reflection on how we have setup our lives and society in looking for the “one” person who will love us without wanting to love ourselves. A few years ago I would have thought someone was crazy to say they can love all equally or love starts with self – yet what you write and what I have felt from many people today proves that thought completely wrong.

The article was brilliant, as it shows to me that in effect I am capped in how much I can love another, by how much I actually love myself. So in effect the responsibility for so much more of the problems I have with relationships lies with me. So I can stop blaming others and have a really practical tool of how to move forward and expand love in all areas of my life.

Gorgeous Kerstin – its amazing how when we think about going through a ‘break up’ or divorce, it doesn’t usually follow that a loving relationship would continue afterwards. What you have shown Kerstin is that this doesn’t need to be the case

I have found that Love can last a life time with a partner, if we can communicate on all levels. By being open and honest with each other in all aspects of our lives, allowing each other to be ourselves and giving ourselves the space to do our own thing, we will always come back to the nest, and not fly way.
If a marriage breaks up, I feel that there is still an opportunity to show respect for each other, and not blame each other for it not working.

Wonderful what you write. I remember with a previous relationship I felt just before the break up: it is either me or us in an arrangement, e.g. his career. I had a deep connection with him and I knew deeply I was not destined to settle for such a life. Just like you, I have also experienced a deepening of our relationship many years later. To be honest, the way we are now together is free, honouring, equal and respectful to each other. As if life taught me and him to love ourselves first. That love can be all encompassing. So yes, Kerstin, love is not only for one person, but can be felt equally for more than one.

More and more I am learning that the way we have made the word ‘love’ is completely false. We have been dividing love instead of feeling that love is all encompassing. We recently experienced in our marriage that we have opened up our love for everyone to feel. We have a family that is more than the two of us and our children. Everyone is our family and is welcome in our home which is our inner heart

What I also took from this article was the strength of the love your partner felt from and for you Kerstin, drawn as he was to return to you for the treatment. Perhaps he was feeling the unconditional love that you bring.

Thank-you Kerstin for sharing this blog. I have also ended a marriage in the past, and other relationships, because there basically was a ‘roadblock’ to truly growing together and deepening the love in the relationship.
These instances have offered tremendous opportunity for deepening the relationship I have with myself. In each relationship I have learned so much, yet after an ‘ending’ (at least of the ‘partner’ form of that relationship), much has been there to deal with within – tremendous opportunities to truly heal the patterns of not loving myself, as you’ve shared, that I may be capable of such deep knowing and self-love, that love for another can truly be embraced and allowed.
Today, I know and live a richness in relationship with my husband that is truly amazing. We are both committed to deepening all that we have together, deeply supportive of each other in life, and ever-playful and joyful that we share all that we do. Through the work of Universal Medicine, this foundation has been supported to grow ever-stronger.

My past relationships have most likley failed from a lack of self love and expressions of what I thought were love that were simply not. This blog truly inspires me to remain in a level of feeling with myself so as to not blame the other person but realise what is true. I have never been married, most likley due to fear of losing that person, with this blog I realise that connection with another – in any relationship – can remain loving. There is no need to fault or blame, nor is there need to fear. Thank you Kerstin

I love the questions you ask in this blog- for me personally it freaks me out sometimes how much I love everybody….Having the courage to express it and show myself in it, not surpressing or protecting because of the fear of getting hurt is worth a the journey in life for me.

This is so inspiring and I can feel what a sweet and loving woman you are when I read this Kerstin. Who could resist such openness and joy? I have been amazed at the way relationships can be healed just by simply connecting to ourselves. We do not even need to be in contact with the person we had the relationship with to heal it and this has been my experience also. A moving reminder that we are all connected.

This is a powerful question you pose, Kerstin – “If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?” I agree, that once we disconnect from the love within ourselves and go into a reaction, it is not that we love that person less, but rather that we have let something get in the way – and that is ultimately our responsibility to resolve.

This has been such a wonderful blog to read, i can really relate to what you have shared. I used to be married, since divorced, we didn’t talk much post the divorce. But the love and understanding that i build within myself, created the space and a platform for different relationship to unfold, we are great friends now and a huge support for each other. This i credit to building love in ‘all’ my relationships, firstly with myself which then radiates out to all my relationships.

Your writing is so gracious Kerstin. So often people describe their ex partners with bitterness and blame, or deep remorse. Your article was completely clear of those emotions, very honest and balanced.
What i also love is that you are describing the love at the end of something. How familiar are we with the love, romance and violins at the start.. and at the end it is all hatred and animosity.
You have shown that there is never a time when love is not possible.
Inspiration in its purest form and showing that this is another way to be.

Thank you Kerstin, great reminder that we are all connected. The relationship we have with ourselves reflects upon the relationship we have with others. I have been in a relationship with my partner for over 12 years, we have 2 beautiful children. You have inspired me to look deeper into our relationship and truly ask myself where I am at and what do I bring to our relationship? It is easy to stay comfortable and not ask any questions. I have let my hurts get in the way of not expressing true intimacy and love as a form of protection which I know hurts everyone. It is amazing to realise this and to know that I can change this old pattern.

When I read your words Kerstin I felt like the blog was opening up like a flower and so was I. This feeling inside my body was so far from what I would expect reading something about ‘the end’ of a relationship. I was really touched by how at the end you make it clear, that an end of something can beautifully bring love, and so its not an end as we think about it at all. It’s gorgeous to read and feel how being true to ourselves brings true love to all, endlessly.

I am reminded in reading this blog of old friends re-connecting with me after many many years – and the moment I connect with their ‘friend request online’ I am taken back to what I felt when I first met them, the vulerability, openness and loveliness of each of them (before life got in the way). So amazing to feel that no matter the circumstances it is always possible to ‘erase the middle bits’ and re-connect to anyone as I had done in that first encounter.

Kerstin, I agree – I always wondered why people break off all contacts. It seems the reminder of past hurts is too much. It would be nice if we manage to keep in contact and I always am very glad when it does happen.

Christoph, your comment reminded me that after my last long-term relationship (3 years) I stayed in touch with my ex-boyfriend for about 6 years and I am glad I did as I learnt so much more about myself and the dynamics of our relationship in the many years after we broke up.

What a beautyful blog Kirsten, I do love this sentence, “What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?” this is such a beautiful revelation, and as i read this blog I can feel how beautiful it is to built this love with anyone.

This is such a fantastic article, thank you Kerstin. I love this part –

“If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?”

Yes, I totally know that I have lost my connection to my own love as soon as I react to another. With thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I am building a stronger body of love and reacting less and less. Thank you for this inspirational piece.

Lovely blog Kerstin, thanks for expressing how it can seem like we love someone more or less than another and how that might not be the reality. I know I sometimes feel that way, and as you say, it feels like I am reacting to their behaviour instead of feeling the love inside myself first and then being able to see they too have that same love inside – even if they are not showing it!

Wonderful blog Kerstin and a great reminder of how our hurts can get in the way of the true love that we innately are. My favorite part being “If we do not seem to love somebody as much could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment.” This is very true for me, I have felt the hurts get in the way; but I am learning that the more love I have for me than the more loving my relationships are.
Thanks to the inspiration of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

Hi Kerstin- a very thought provoking blog. I loved your reflection about why we might love someone more than another. I feel that I hold myself back with some people so I do not create the opportunity for the love to flow between us. Possibly my holding back is about fear of rejection. Its about letting love in and letting love out with everybody- that is the challenge!

Beautiful Kirsten – it would truly make a difference if we all acknowledged that Love never hurts, emotions hurt. If we would be willing to take responsibility for our own emotions, we would most likely be able to understand what Love really is.

What an inspiration you are Kerstin! Not many people can claim that they are living such a loving relationship with an ex partner. This totally proves that no matter what sort of relationship is there with another, love can be there if we allow it to be so.

“It was like we had an arrangement but there was no love in how we lived together. We were comfortable in our life but we were not truly respectful with each other and any true intimacy and honouring of each other was missing.” So many couples seem to settle for this empty mediocrity in relationship without question. Kerstin you followed the knowing in your heart and found true Love, the love of self, which now radiates to those around you and fills their hearts also. Thank you, so inspiring, so very beauty-full.

How beautiful to read this, in a time where so many couples get a divorce or are dealing with relationship issues. In the end, the relationship may change, but the connection will be always be there. No matter how far we are living apart.

Thank you Kerstin, what you have presented resonates deeply within me.
I recall as a young man, a 60 year old man that I worked with, still broken from the experience of his wife leaving him many years ago, posing the question “where does love go?”
At the time, I did not answer, for I too felt his pain as a result of recently leaving a relationship and choosing to not care for myself in an effort to not feel my hurt.
As Kerstin has so clearly put it, in times when we have no love for ourselves, it is far easier to blame your partner, your family, something outside of yourself, but unfortunately, this never ever helps.
The presentations of Universal Medicine offer a constant reminder that without first developing self-love and then a loving way of life, we are never, and can never be, in a truly loving relationship.

This is a sweet yet powerful blog Kerstin. It is empowering in that you chose to re-connect and fill yourself up with you rather than a relationship. I feel it is so easy as a man or a woman to seek this love outside of ourselves through another and not truly love ourselves first. Your sharing shows what is possible when we choose to self-love and how that naturally extends out to others, ex-husbands included. : )

So beautifully expressed Karen. I know that in the past I was always looking for someone to complete who I was, but not anymore; I finally realised, that to have a loving relationship with another person it was necessary to build a loving relationship with me first. And I’m absolutely loving the relationship that I am building with me.

So lovely to read your blog Kirsten. This part in particular stood out for me: “If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?”
Thanks to the inspiration of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, my own choices to re-confirm who I am and choose to self love and self care more, are paramount in supporting me to see that another is equally amazing, but not choosing to be that at that time. Understanding that, opens it up to so much more for all to see, feel and know.

Thank you Kerstin for relating your lovely journey into love for yourself and others. Love for myself is something that I have only recently come to understand/feel and, that it is OK. It is not selfish as previous partners would have me believe. If I cannot love and nurture myself then how can I possibly love another/others?

Some true gorgeousness for us all here, Kerstin, thank you for sharing. I particularly appreciate your wondering questions. How amazing to reflect on the idea that we are capable of so much love – to all equally (with only the intimacy with our life partner that isn’t shared). Game changing stuff.

Yes, without self love as a defining reference point, a loving relationship with another must be very elusive. Without self-love there will be all the shields and barriers that we have constructed during our lives to protect all the hurts that we have accumulated, not understanding that we are just separating ourselves more and more. It is with the knowing and understanding and healing of these hurts, coming to truly know ourselves, and reconnecting within our hearts that we can start to truly love ourselves and then another.

‘If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?’ Since this is my understanding I can stay in connection more easily and this reflection of love gives the other the opportunity to come back to the love he or she is.

This is beautiful Kerstin. ‘What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?’ What a great opportunity we then have to take this love and bring it to all.

Thank you for sharing this story Kerstin. I too have found that by developing self-love and self-worth that my relationships with others are beautiful as they are founded on love without comparison or judgement of others or myself.

Its so true that the love that we develop within ourselves is the love that can then be shared with all others…and so true change starts with ourselves. What a lovely completion for you Kerstin…and also a lovely new beginning.

“If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?” This line is an absolute gem and really calls us to account on how consistent we are in loving ourselves and others equally. Very profound. Thank you Kerstin.

“If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?” A super question, Kerstin, and one that you have provided a very inspiring answer to in your story. I too have found that often, it is ‘ending’ a relationship (they never really end, just change form) that allows us to drop the attachments and reactions that stand in the way of being truly loving with someone. Then it’s like starting again from scratch on a foundation of love, respect and friendship that we missed out on when jumping into the ‘couple’ picture from need or doing the ‘normal’ thing. I’ve found an ever-expanding appreciation and joy in the relationships with my exes and I love them even more now than I did before. I also see that, had I known a long time ago what I now have learned from Universal Medicine, those relationships could have gotten started on the right foot and could have been very different from how they were.

Wonderful Kirsten and what a revelation to realise that the way we love others is based on the love we have for ourselves! That without connecting to the love we are and expressing this in full we cannot truly love another.

I agree with you Kirsten. I was especially drawn to the words ‘By being self-loving, my awareness of how to be and how to express love in the relationship I have now has grown immensely.’ because to me, they represent a solid platform for me for all relationships.

Kerstin, this is such a beautiful blog about love, relationships and equality. And this is a powerful point that you have highlighted through this question – ‘If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?’ If we are honest with ourselves this resistance does not feel natural in our bodies and in fact we often say that we feel ‘un-easy’ about that person. Is the un-ease that is felt because we are holding back our love, our natural way of being? Also inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have re-connected to my essence, to love and have become more and more aware of when I am holding back love and how that feels in my body. Now if I find that if there is a reaction or a holding back towards someone, it is an opportunity for me to choose love, to invite more love into that moment and share more love with myself and that person. Thank you for sharing your story through which the ever-expanding way of love is felt.

Such a beautiful story. It’s so great to read about a couple no longer together but able to appreciate and love one another. It upsets me to think it’s sometimes impossible to have ex-partners in one’s life once the relationship is over. Everyone heals differently and in their own time and it’s important we respect each others process.

Beautiful blog thank you. It’s so awesome that you can feel the love that has always been there between you once you let go of judgement or attachment. I really feel that to truly love one, is to truly love all, as love is an expression of who we are not something we switch on and off, the level of love we feel is simply an indicator of our point in our ever expanding evolution.

We really are not brought up to know how to truly love ourselves or others. When things become stale and stuck in a relationship, there is little real guidance out there. Serge Benhayon has redefined love for me, (ironically back to what I knew as a young child) and consistently reflected a loving way with all people. This is not empty words but the real deal, that is both humble and magnificent all at once. It is beautiful that that love has rippled into your life and you can now share that with those around you.

It is like the words of the song.. “ as I come to know myself, I bring you all of me.” We just can’t have a true relationship until we know ourselves… We all have just too much hurt, too much holding on for this to be possible. This is one of the really profound results of working with what Universal Medicine presents. And If this was all that Universal Medicine facilitated, just this would be enough to have their courses as must do’s in the world. But of course there is so much more.

This is so beautifully said Chris – “… as I come to know myself, I bring you all of me.” I fully relate to your expression and I can feel deeply the truth in this as I get to know myself more and more.

Great sharing Kirstin. Isn’t that amazing that you can love your ex-parner and your husband equally? I too am learning to love people equally. I know now that it is my natural state to put that love out to everybody equally but that it is me resisting people and their behaviours that blocks it. It is not them, it’s me! Life is much more beautiful if I love all people equally, the opposite is making me feel measured and contracted, not the place I want to be anymore.

“What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?”
So well put Kerstin. Love, like this is a true gift and it pulls our every other relationship up to also be such love.

I felt to comment on the same thing Joshua, it is such a beautiful thing. I was realising today even more that the most amazing relationships that I have are a marker and a foundation of how all of my relationships with everyone can be. Bring on the amazingness!

From all you have shared Kerstin it is clear in calling off the ‘arrangement’ you honoured your connection to love for you first be built upon and expanded. You chose to be with the love you innately knew was there for you both. In that it can be felt also by all, thank you.

It is a truly wonderful experience when we can be friends (good friends) with our ex-partners. When I separated from my first husband 30 years ago, it was done in a manner (on my part) which was extremely unloving and disrespectful of him. I had hardly seen him since then, and having moved to Australia in the early 90’s, had not seen him for over 25 years. We did connect via Facebook and had sporadic contact, just briefly and nothing in particular was said, it was very friendly and amicable. As I knew I was coming to Europe, I also realised I would be in the country he is currently living with his wife ( with whom I am friends too), and I felt immediately the opportunity for me to own and take responsibility for my behaviour all those many years ago. We met yesterday with a whole group of other friends in a little restaurant by the beach, and when he saw me he jumped up and greeted me with such a heart-felt hug, it was lovely and I felt the love for this man and his generous heart too. So in the course of the afternoon I sat with him and expressed my deeply felt apology for my behaviour 30 years previously. It was such a beautiful moment, gentle tears were felt by both of us and a loving friendship was reaffirmed. This was a beautiful moment felt deeply by both of us and now it’s clean with nothing lingering anywhere.

This is absolutely beautiful Kerstin and a testament to your understanding of love and your ability to see beyond emotional ‘love’ to the deep connection we truly have with everyone. It’s 5 am in the morning and I have received my inspiration for the day. Thank you for expressing in this way for others, like me to be reminded again of what love truly is.

Such a great reminder Bernadette that emotional love is actually poision in our bodies, we have been sold this love from all directions in this world. Hollywood thrives on this poision. To know once again the truth of love and as your words say know the love we are ALL from will heal the world of emotional love.

This blog is a true inspiration. I have never ended a relationship with a partner with this sort of understanding and love still shared. It is something that can only be expressed when we build a foundation of love and care within and so we do not seek emotion and overwhelm to deal with relationships.

“If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?”
This was a very powerful reminder to me that the greatest love we can ever feel is that for ourselves – and that is deep within us, constantly there and waiting to be reconnected to. We can look outside of ourselves for it as much as we like, but it will never feel the same or be as fulfilling as the grandness that we innately are. Thank you Kerstin for sharing on this – I loved hearing about your relationships and the way you are in them. Very beautiful and inspiring.

‘If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?’ – This makes a lot of sense. It hasn’t always been easy for me to stay connected with myself and observe and not react to what I perceive as other people’s unloving choices, but I know this is the one thing that is worth keep trying again and again. Thank you, Kerstin, for this very inspiring offering.

Kerstin I feel the truth in your enquiry. I feel that we will re-discover that we naturally have equal love for one another and that that is our natural expression. We will come to realise that holding back our love and directing it at a select few has been the most damaging way of being imaginable.

Kerstin, I too have been in a relationship with my husband where I was ‘constantly compromising myself to fit into his life’. I had little sense of self-worth and was living my life through him and we were holding each other back. We are in the process of separating and though it is painful, we see the purpose of it. We still love each other and I actually feel more love now than when we were together, not just for him, but for everyone. I was numbing myself so as not to feel the pain of our unloving ways and I was unable to connect to the love within me. So yes, I feel the truth in what you say, that true love cannot be more for one person over another and that, if we do not feel love for someone, it is because ‘we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment’.

Kerstin, you raise a great point “Can we truly love one person more than another, including ourselves?” I have been pondering on this a lot myself lately and the idea of exclusivity in love and how exclusively loving one person is not really loving them, but needing them. My focus has been to keep coming back to a loving connection with myself and the more I do that, the more I feel that loving connection with everyone.

As I walked through a park yesterday I observed the many differences in those around me.
Getting stuck on the way others look, dress, walk and speak I realised how easy it can be to go into judgement.
But what if we didn’t?
What if we saw all others as individuals in their own self expression but with the knowing that irrespective of culture, creed, tattoos or no tattoos, gay or straight, male or female, big or small, black or white we all share a common bond – we all want love.
In allowing ourselves to love us first with our imperfections and quirky ways we allow a depth of love to build in our relationships with all.
Yes it seems easier to love one person more than another but as we develop a truly loving relationship with ourselves, warts and all, it becomes a natural expression to love all others in the same way.

‘If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?’
I would have to say this is what I have experienced growing up with my parents and siblings.
I learnt to calibrate love to “feel safe”. But in truth I had no true love for myself. And in not being and feeling the love within first , I could not openly allow it out unconditionally.

When I broke up with my partner of 5 years a year and a half ago, I was completely devastated. I knew for most of the time we were together that something wasn’t right, but I was too afraid to deal with any of it head on. Instead I worked tirelessly at different areas of the relationship desperately trying to improve it.
I ended the relationship because I knew that it was simply too hard for me to focus on myself, while I had him there to distract me. All my focus was on him and constantly trying to balance my choices and my reactions to his choices and as a result he was always left feeling like he could never win, and I was always feeling disappointed.
As difficult as the process has been it’s given me exactly what I sought out to get. Some perspective. And through this perspective I’ve been able to identify just how attached I was to my partner and how invested I was in trying to change him and mould him into my own ideal. This time has been so valuable in addressing my self worth, or lack of, and my patterns of behaviour.
Every day I’m becoming more and more confident with just being me and more open to the possibility of a new relationship without the baggage I carried before. Of course old patterns will always continue to surface, but now that I have awareness around them and also some perspective on why I choose to repeat patterns, I have a choice to let it go.

You ask some great questions here Kerstin. Thanks for bringing them to my attention. I have always felt love for my past partners and through that can feel the love I have within me, the appreciation I have for others and the qualities that arise from different energetic configurations between people, the science of life, it’s beautiful.

Love is so much more than most of us think it is. From my now experience of separating from my ex-partner some years back and feeling so much love between us now I know with absolute certainty that love is forever deepening and always expanding. It has nothing to do with whether we’re in a relationship with someone or not. It has all to do with how much love we connect to and nurture within ourselves. And then this love simply emanates, and it is a love that doesn’t distinguish between people depending on who’s who or us etc.

Great and insightful blog, Kerstin. You highlight the fact that love has no boundaries, as within a relationship, but it’s about opening up and letting people in no matter what relationship we have with them. Beautifully expressed: “we are all connected, deeply so”. Thank you for the reminder and inspiration.

Such a beautiful comment Nathalie I love it when connection is expressed deeply so….connection to all knowing the essence and magnificent love we all are even if we are not choosing to live this. Our job here on earth is to live our connection so all can see the magnificents that lives in the all.

Kerstin, this question of yours is absolutely great: “If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment? – it’s got me really reflecting on all those times where I have not felt love from a person…because in reacting to their loveless way/comment/behaviour/act, I only cover or stop feeling my own love. Wow. Awesome revelation and one to feel more deeply whenever it happens again, thank you Kerstin for this clarity and truth.

What I read from coming back to this blog today was that if we are all connected then our outer activities and situations need not be relied upon for that connection if we are already connected. So even if I do not live with a person/s that doesn’t mean that I then stop loving them, it’s just that we don’t live together. But when we do meet up the meeting up or the activity does not bring us the love because it is already there within us. If everything is energy as Einstein put forth than that would mean that no one is not connected by energy because we are all made up of it, so no status in life (Single, married, divorced) or situation (living alone, with family, with a partner) or relationship (partner, practitioner, customer, client, employee) – none of that stands between us when it is all made up of the same thing – Energy. Thank you Kerstin.

Dear Kerstein, this is such a great blog and the point that stood out for me this morning is this – what if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them. To know this is revelatory. It changes how I will relate to everybody. Thank you. 🙂

This is such a beautiful article Kerstin, ‘I did not feel that I was worthy enough and that he would stay at my side when I started doing the things I enjoyed, or living my truth or meeting the friends I felt to meet.’ I can relate to this Kerstin and know that I allow these thoughts to hold me back and to stop me living the life that feels true for me, this is very supportive to read, thank you.

It’s amazing how different relationship are when we decide to make loving choices for ourselves first.. It’s like all the rest takes care of itself after that. Relationships become easy, less reactive and less complicated. It’s great to know share awesome relationships with everyone and not just a select person or a minority.

It’s amazing how different relationship are when we decide to make loving choices for ourselves first.. It’s like all the rest takes care of itself after that. Relationships become easy, less reactive and less complicated. It’s great to now share awesome relationships with everyone and not just a select person or a minority.

So true Emily, we are all equally gorgeous and hold great love inside of us, its only a thought that doesn’t agree with that absolute fact, where the tension comes in. Lucky for us, that gorgeous love never leaves us, it is forever patient and waiting for us to claim it over and over again.

This is very beautiful Kerstin. Many people stay in relationships that have become and arrangement, yet are devoid of true love and evolution. You were brave to leave, choosing love above everything else for yourself and ultimately for your partner as well. You have the benefit now of seeing how that love has come around, and it has also offered the gorgeous reflection of how love can truly be felt for everyone, equally so. An inspiring read, thank you.

The connection to love between two people does not get lost when a relationship ends if indeed it was love in it. Independently of our current circumstances, what was true remains true. What this shows is indeed that love naturally flows spherically and not in only in one direction (e.g., the current partner).

The image of a ripple is super powerful… that drop of love can reach into all manner of places that we can hardly imagine. Inspiring people to be more, letting them feel the love. Not only that but when it meets another thing it also gets reflected back to us, so we can feel the quality of the love that we put out there in the first place.

This is a great question Kerstin – ‘If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?’ Taking responsibility for how we are feeling, for the love or lack of love we are feeling towards another is priceless. I have learned that with honesty comes the opportunity for the love that is always naturally there to flow and be equally shared.

Love is a state of being, a quality of the Soul and not about something that is kept for any one person. Of course my gorgeous husband is the only one I share certain intimacies with, but my love is not restricted, or dependent on another person. Unimedpedia Love – http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-love.html provides some great free audio and quotes on the true meaning of love.

” If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment? ” Re-connecting to the love that we are in these moments is crucial or we can lose ourselves in all sorts of harmful thoughts projected on to the other or back in on ourselves, we can get in to arguments and find ourselves far from the loving person we know ourselves to be. How vital is it then to be our own best friend and watch out for ourselves in these moments.

I love this blog and how this experience came to you Kerstin to illustrate how love is our natural state, and isn’t any more or less for any individual. Very cool how this stop in your intimate relationship allowed you to see and appreciate true love in a much bigger way.

A true love story Kerstin. When we rely on someone else to give us the love we crave we are always left wanting, it is never enough. When we discover the beauty of self-love and building our love within ourselves then we meet this love in everyone else.

I can really understand and feel how complications pay a visit when in a relationship there is no self love first. To live the love that we are and to experience this (reflected) from another is pure joy. A beautiful sharing Kerstin thank you.

“If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?” This has absolutely changed the game for me. thankyou. Choosing to stay with the love that is me, so I can see it in all others equally and hence not react to others. Love really is s ource that is inside us, we can choose to let it flow out or we can choose to hold it back.

This blog is a great way of showing how Love is there the same for everyone it is just like you say Kerstin, at times we are in reaction to someones behaviour or our own hurts that we miss out on connecting to the Love we naturally share. What an amazing story. True love feels so different from “needy love” and “dependent love”. It is non-retarding and clear.

”If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment”. This is so very true but we can easily forget this truth in the moment! When I react I lose myself and then it is impossible to feel the love I have for another. I can feel the hurt and it is my responsibility to let go of the hurt and to come back to the love that I know I truly am.

That is an absolutely wonderful article Kerstin. Our love should be there for all equal and I must admit that I myself still have a lot of reaction going on but the moments that I feel my love growing it feels so amazing. Beautiful things happen from there.

Thank you Kerstin this was a great reminder about love being there whether we chose it or not, and that it flows between people and we have to put something in the way of love to have it not flow, such as an emotional grudge or a belief. When we remove what we put in the way it just begins to flow again. So here’s to letting go back to the love that can flow so naturally!

Thank you for sharing that fact that this was not your typical or ‘normal’ ending to a relationship, with fighting, non-communication and hurts. Shutting someone out so hard and not feeling our hurts can be very painful. But I love that you have come back together and have been open to expressing love, and that there is a different way to be in-and out of relationships, than what the world is exerting.

What an awesome blog Kerstin, thank you. It just goes to show that self love is the basis of all relationships. That is, relationship with self is an essential ingredient and true love between two people is a celebration of this.

Kerstin, what you share is lovely and does happen. I was divorced about 16 yeas ago but I have a good relationship still with my ex partner, it took a bit of working on at the time because I felt hurt but we have a family together, so for me the important thing was that the family was able to communicate and share events together without bitterness, pain and blame.

Kerstin this blog is a great example of how you had chosen not to go into the hurt of a relationships breakup but chose to honour the importance of loving another. I have had this same experience with a past relationship that has now lead me to sharing a loving friendship.

Ditto nb, it’s exactly that. The only thing that prevents us from feeling the love that is there between two people regardless of the status of their relationship is our hurt. If we hold on to whatever has hurt us this then becomes a wall of perceived protection that keeps our heart shut down so we cannot receive our love or theirs. Letting go of our hurts and letting people in is the most exquisite process of surrender, and love is waiting for us with open arms. Ultimately we realise that it’s not other people that have hurt us, but our choice to walk away from the love that we are in the first place.

‘This is a living proof for me that we are all connected, deeply so. But most of us, most of the time, choose to not be aware of this connection.’ – so well said Kerstin. There is no denying the power of love that is within and between us all equally so when we choose to feel and honour this truth for ourselves first. And this love is not selective or variable, it is all-inclusive and absolute in essence. It is only us that chooses to limit the amount of love we live and share by holding onto our hurts from the past.

It’s amazing to consider that we may have the same love for ourselves and our families and friends and everybody else. We may not feel it because of our reactions to behaviour but it may be there anyway. Then it is all about being aware and feeling the truth of love. This is beautiful.

This is a beautiful blog, thank you for sharing this. I have heard Serge say many times that we can not love one person more than another and what you have shared here seems to cement that. What you have shared shows the power of self love.

It is truly beautiful when we can bring our relationships, and I mean all of them, with ourself and with others, back to the simple truth that at the very source of it is love. Connecting to it inspires the expansion of it. So gorgeous Kerstin to feel the confirmation of this.

This is an amazing blog Kerstin, such a beautiful example as to what is possible if we let the love flow; the love that is naturally there within us all.
To put our hurts aside is sometimes such a challenge; however it is indeed our responsibility to heal the hurts that constrict and harm, ourselves and others.

The relationship you now share with your ex is deeply beautiful and a testament to the love you have chosen for yourself. It is just gorgeous that through the connection you have developed and the love you have committed to deepening within yourself, you are able to feel and appreciate the connection with others and in doing so have even inspired them to choose that for themselves too….. amazing.

I have loved reading the comments to this beautiful blog that puts love first and behaviour second. I know that when I find myself reacting to peoples behaviour I can feel how this cuts off the flow between us. It’s like putting up a brick wall to shut out love. It’s like saying I don’t want love. Of course this is not true but where all reactions take us to, the land of lies or illusion.
Building awareness in myself allows me a greater choice over my actions/reactions and a deepening relationship with myself. I am less critical or condemning of myself these days. Accepting and appreciating myself, as many others have shared, goes a long way to building love, in and, for myself and consequently for others.

Lovely Kerstin. Yes, another confirmation that when we live with love in our lives, more love comes our way. To love means not just to express it out but to also let it in. It is equal in us all. We are of and with love all of the time. Just a question of how much we connect to it.

Yes a relationship cant grow if we are not open to letting love in. Often we can think we are ok with this but in truth its a much bigger global problem than what many are acknowledging. Our lack of self worth and unresolved hurts greatly hinders on our inability to let love in.

Yes well said Katie, “Often we can think we are ok with this but in truth its a much bigger global problem than what many are acknowledging.” and I am becoming more aware that not letting love in feels very uncomfortable to painful even. I can try at times to fault other things but every time it comes back to me not loving myself enough (lack of self-worth) and because of that not letting more love in.

So true Katie. Certainly something I have experienced and can witness in some people, near and far. It’s like the world is held in its own massive self-made coil that bonds it so tight and hard not to let love in, for the fear of having to feel the pain of having lost its way and forgotten how much it has actually walked away from the love that it truly is.

‘Love, to express love and to be loving, is something natural that is within us’. This was a beautiful sharing from Kerstin that is only further confirmed by what you share Gina about ‘when we live with love in our lives, more love comes our way’.

That is a great point Gina – to let love in is equally as important as expressing it, although somewhat forgotten. I’ve always found it easier to give, than to receive and I know that is something that holds me back from experiencing all the buckets full of love that is available.

Awesome questions, you have asked yourself and offer now in this blog Kerstin.
“• Is it true that we only love one person (our partner, wife or husband) in our lives, and not anybody else?
• Can we truly love one person more than another, including ourselves? Even if it seems like we would have different intensities of love with different persons, perhaps this is not true?
•What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?”
These questions are able to reveal the truth to the natural essence of be loving and being love.
With ourselves and everyone equally so. Beautiful and colorful, what you have shared here about your development to self-love and further on loving relationships!

It’s interesting really that we have so many questions about love and it is often expressed that there is a mystery about love. Yet love is always there within and should be no mystery to us if we connect to it through the inner heart. The key to this is to build a loving relationship with ourselves first as Kerstin has found. Once this becomes the number 1 relationship in our lives every other relationship becomes an extension of this until we feel one with all.

Universal Medicine is the ultimate “marriage counsellor” in that it continually presents the opportunity to take responsibility for our own energetic and emotional well-being, to take responsibility for and to be honest with our own hurts and beliefs that we have brought to relationships, offers the vehicle for healing and then, well, the loveliest people go to their courses ..:-).

Could not agree more Chris, the support my husband and I have received from attending Universal Medicine workshops and presentations has been astronomical. There is no room for stagnation as we are continually growing together and as a result our relationship has totally transformed. Even through it always looked good on the outside and we ticked all the box’s so to speak, we are way more considerate and understanding of each other and what is really going on in any given moment. We have found the best friend in each other that we could only have imagined having, even though before attending Universal Medicine workshops we would have said we were best friends. I look forward to growing old together as each day offers a new opportunity to discovery and an opportunity to learn more about each other and live in general.

I am really feeling that love cannot be given in measurements -when I am doing this, it is the measurements of what I am needing that is being clocked not the love. When I truly love myself and all that I am, this is what flows out to others giving them the opportunity to be all that as well. We choose love or not. Kerstin , what you have shared is awesome.

“I had always had the feeling this love would never stop.” The thing is, it never did stop. We are always connected to love, but whether we are feeling this love or not is reflective of how connected we are with ourselves and our inner heart. I am very familiar with the feeling of a deep love within my body although the choices I make on a daily basis are not always honouring of this love I feel and am. This impacts greatly on all my relationships and at the times I am connected with the love within the easier it is to feel and express love in my relationships. It can be the making or breaking of a relationship.

I can really relate to what you have shared here Kerstin, we can connect to someone’s soul and feel their love and the potential in the relationship, but there can be behavior on both parts that gets in the way of letting the love out. If someone is not willing to let go of behavior love cannot grow and the relationship becomes stagnant. Sometimes the best thing is to separate, to feel and grow from your choices.

I loved re reading your blog Kerstin, lately I feel how my relationships have changed because I choose to be me and be one with my friends, colleagues and family instead of hiding throught withdrawing or trying to fit in and please others. As you shared also this is bringing joy in every day life.

“Love, to express love and to be loving, is something natural that is within us. And sometimes we seem to not feel love towards another person, but is this true?” I find that when I truly connect with someone the love is there, even tho I may not like their behaviours. But first I have to connect and truly love myself first – otherwise I just go into reaction and judgement. Thankyou for sharing your story Kerstin.

I have always found it interesting how people come together in marriage, something so intimate and to share many very close experiences many of which involve having kids and other significant life events to then come to a place of really not liking each other and for some despising each other. Even if its decided the best thing is not to be in marriage together there is such a huge potential to be loving and respectful throughout the process and to keep developing in a loving relationship and as many people have shared of the same experience as you Kristen when taking responsibility, of their love being stronger after separation.

So often I have found that the love I feel for another person has been dependant upon how open that person is to receiving love, so I have protected myself from feeling rejection by only offering the love they are comfortable with. This way of being offers no true inspiration, only the trap of comfort. More recently I have seen how when I feel very open and loving with one person this does, as you say, reflect my potential to be open with all people, not to impose but to focus on my own love and not turn it down to match someone who may at that time appear less open to love. After all, who am I too judge another person’s openness to love? We can all choose to be more open in an instant, with every breath we have a choice. It is too easy to get stuck in the game of “I’ll show you mine if….” Why not just simply be what we are, love, and allow others to choose for themselves? Chances are they are just waiting, consciously or not, for a chance to shine their own love if someone is just willing to receive it.

Kerstin, this is such a gorgeous pearl of truth, wisdom and love. We’ve mistaken emotional need for love and forgotten that the easiest and most natural thing for us to do is to love — first up ourselves and then everybody else. Love cannot differentiate, it doesn’t have different levels of intensity (that’s emotion). Love simply loves, enormously and always deepening the more and more we open up to our own love. Those closest to us who we’re more connected with are who we can express our love with in a more intimate and expressive way — and they are also our reflectors for how much love we actually have for everyone. The moment we start thinking we love someone more or less than another, we’ve actually cut off from love.

If we cannot truly love ourselves then the relationship is out of need to feel okay and there will always be something missing. That other person can never provide enough of anything to fill their partner’ emptiness. Kerstin, you have shown us what is possible when we are truly connected to our innermost and how divine relationships are possible.

This blog is a gorgeous reminder to put love first. If we put anyone before love this is not love. I have been similar to you in that I have adapted my behaviour in order to be liked, therefore effectively handing myself away. This is not loving to myself or to anyone else. To be the real me is to be love, and love is the real me. Nothing less.

When we take the opportunity to develop self-love, to reconnect with our own hearts, to start to develop our self-worth, all of these things help us to have such a different perspective on the relationships that we have had in our lives and that we will have, and provides a refreshing new start and is available for everyone.

Kerstin just I love how you share ‘If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment’. This has given me much to ponder on as it raises the level of responsibility we all have in all our interactions and connections with others.

Very true Kerstin, the relationships I have had in my life have developed beyond measure since I started taking better care of myself. The love in my body increased and it seems I was able to connect to more of that love in others. I also had less need to be right which took the heat out of most of the discussions and meant I was more able to hear when I had some responsibility to take in a behaviour that was unkind to someone else as well.

In the last few months I have reconnected with a man that I had had a relationship with when I was younger and had not seen for a long time, and when I read these words they spoke exactly of how I felt on seeing him again: “When we met, we immediately felt the same connection again as in earlier times. What I felt between us was flowing love, without any of the emotional attachments; the old reproaches and difficulties were not there anymore.”. It was the most amazing feeling; it felt as if time had stood still but in the standing still all that had been between us that was not of love was gone, and all that remained was love and a deep feeling of knowing the other person so well. The conversations we had were so honest and addressed so many unhealed issues and when we parted I knew that there was nothing left unhealed.

“What I felt between us was flowing love, without any of the emotional attachments; the old reproaches and difficulties were not there anymore.” I can resonate with this, and it seems to me that you are talking about the fact that of course there can be love, but the release from an outdated and crippling arrangement (that cuts down both parties) does feel amazing.

Although your arrangement to live with someone came to an end after many years Kerstin, it was the beginning of something very special, a true relationship with yourself to begin – a self loving one to move in. Beautiful.

Thanks for sharing Kirstin I know there are many people that your blog would support. It is so easy to get stuck in a rut and not be able to see what is really going on in our relationships. I could relate to compromising so as to keep the peace hoping it would make life easy but it never did as I was not being true to myself.

Kerstin it is beautiful how you have been able to make some loving choices and move on to later find out that once we find the love within through our self caring ways how our relationships change with others.

The way that society currently operates means we are usually raised with some beliefs and ideals around love coming to us from another person and lip service is given to self love. This is a shame because people then feel let down when their relationships with others don’t fulfill the images they have in their mind about how love should be. Kerstin – you blog clearly highlights that without dedicated self devotion and sense of knowing our value first, we can never bring to any relationship a foundation that will nurture genuine love. Thank you for such a valuable sharing.

I felt an expansion in understanding of Love when reading your blog Kerstin and how wonderful it is to accept that love can be in our lives without limitation or reservation and how this supports others as well as ourselves.

Reaction is a killer in relationships both with ourselves and with all others. What is truly sought by both is the understanding and holding of love in this understanding. This is far more power-full than any reaction could ever be.

“If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?” How simply and beautifully put Kerstin. I would have to answer this with an unresounding ‘yes’

Imagine just going into a relationship absolutely unencumbered by the past, bringing no old hurts, no belief systems, no expectations, eyes wide open, connected with one’s heart, with a deep energetic awareness of what true relationship is actually about… Listen to what Universal Medicine presents… Because this is what is being presented!

How many couples do we hear of that after divorce or separation actually
meet up again to feel that natural flow of a loving relationship. With this unconditional love for the ex-partner to then move forward helping him with his daily lived choices. Such an inspiration Kerstin.

Hi Kerstin. This blog challenges many old deeply held beliefs and images around relationship and how they will be once they have ended. These old images and beliefs stop us from taking responsibility for all that we brought to the relationship that is not working thus we often enter another relationship and do the same all over again. The love we have for ourselves and the degree to which we choose to live that love, brings with it many revelations and expansion in our lives and relationships with others. This blog is an honest reflection of the part we bring when relationships appear by other’s ‘standards’ to have gone wrong – which as you have experienced was very ‘right’.

Kerstin I feel your inspirational sharing will encourage many to make the effort to acknowledge the love they had with a partner and that it doesn’t just disappear when we divorce. I have been able to have a friendship with my ex which in turn makes it much easier for our children to have a whole family that still connect for many family events.

Kerstin you break the ‘norm’ of relationships with this experience. So often relationships end with one or both people feeling let down, angry, unhappy ect. Emotions run high and there always seems to be a necessary drama surrounding the end of a relationship. But isn’t this just another choice we make, where really we can choose another way? When we have the responsibility to say ‘I’m not going to walk away in reaction, I can still hold this person in love, but our choice is to no longer be together’. That is so powerful and freeing – to not hold onto hurts and to allow love to be there regardless.
As you say – we can love everyone equally, but we have a choice in how much time we spend with them. So to be able to part ways in love is very healing.

‘…we are all connected, deeply so. But most of us, most of the time, choose to not be aware of this connection.’ We have moved so far from knowing and trusting that we are love first and it is our hurts and the wall of protection that they create that becomes our communication and the way we live life! The simplicity of this truth is astounding and I love how it has reflected to you and all of us how this can be turned around! Thank you for taking the time to write this Kerstin.

Beautiful Kerstin. After a breakup it can be so easy to stay in the place of blaming the other for why it didn’t work. Whilst we are blaming another it is difficult, if not impossible, to look at our own part. When we do step out of emotion and reaction, so much healing can take place.

It is an interesting picture many people have of only being able to love one person. If at one point in our life we feel love for someone, how is it that that can suddenly be turned off? It seems to me that the love seemingly gets turned off because we go into reaction and hurt and love is much harder to feel from this place. But love is love and it will always be there. We are capable of loving everyone. Images of how we love are detrimental.

How lovely to, even though your relationship has ended still be willing, open and loving towards each other. Some people don’t even have this in the relationships they are in!!! It’s a testimony to the more we love ourselves the more we can love others.

Kerstin this is such a lovely blog to re-read and a very pertinent blog for me at this time. It’s interesting reflecting on what we think love is in any relationship and we think its all we do for another or that we are “in love” or not. But really when we come to the understanding that we are in fact love as is every other person that very same love, then it changes the ball game completely for it then becomes not about what we do but how we express and share ourselves with another. It’s no wonder that you could feel when you originally left your husband that there was still more to your relationship. And how very beautiful that you have come back together as true friends, for you knew that that connection is always there.

Yes, Jennifer, and I learn more and more that how I express comes back to how I am with myself and what kind of relationship I have with myself. From this foundation, I can relate to other persons in not playing the nice person but in staying true to myself.

‘What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?’ I love this. I know it’s true too, although at this stage I cannot honesty say I love everyone equally. The reason why not? Because I am learning to love myself fully and absolutely. The more I do this the greater the love I feel for others.

There is a child like innocence through this blog, is very sweet and endearing. I never related to loving one person more than another, even after I had kids, I would go to the daycare centre and spend half an hour there with other peoples kids and I would fall in love with them, I felt like I loved them as much as my own kids. I thought people might say I was weird if I told them, so I kept it to myself.
All my x-boyfriends I still love but not in an unfaithful way as I am married but just really appreciate who they are still and enjoy when I run into them. Anyone I don’t feel the same love for is usually someone I need to spend more time with to understand because as soon as you do, I always end up melting, as everyone is really so loveable once we get past the protection and guards.

I have so felt the same way Sarah, the love that bubbles up from inside when meeting my sons friends from school or melting when I see a glint of who a colleague really is. I can also remember feeling the same way when they went to daycare… there was no difference. When we think we can only love our own children or partners, others don’t get the same level of care, understanding and love from us. When my sons friends are doing something that is hurting them I don’t hold back because they are not ‘mine’, I talk with them just the same, and I see how much they appreciate it.

Sarah and Aimee I feel so inspired by your comments. Loving everyone equally is a concept that I know and I appreciate, but not one that I have managed to put into daily life. I love the simple every day examples you have shared about in your comments as well as the prompt in this blog of how it is all about building the relationship with ourself first.
Perfect. I can see a program coming up to work on.

It’s so true Kerstin, ‘Love, to express love and to be loving, is something natural that is within us’ and this is very clear when you observe a child with how they express their boundless vitality, love and joy so freely. But often somewhere along the way to adulthood we begin to focus on our hurts and the light of that vitality and joy starts to dim. Fortunately, that light of true love within is equally within us all and can never be fully extinguished and always lies dormant within just waiting to be reignited again.

‘What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?’ This is game-changing when its full truth is considered. For it suggests that the responsibility lies with each one of us to ensure that the quality of our connection is equal with all and not just a few.

To love everyone fully we really have to love our own self unconditionally, once we are able to love ourselves we are then able to love everything about another with no judgement or comparison. This cannot be achieved until we master the love for our selves and continue to keep deepening it.

‘If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?’ Definitely Kerstin….and what is far more healthy and loving than just clocking this reaction and getting caught in the storm of emotion it instigates is to simply observe and bring understanding to why you have reacted, what was your Achilles heel that got challenged, and then with an open heart commit to the process of letting that Achilles activator go.

Kerstin experiencing love without emotional attachment is a huge thing. We do not allow it with friends or family because of history. We do not allow it with strangers because they are apparently strange. We have learned to mix up intimacy with emotion and therefore put up walls. Yet you are showing how important the teachings of Serge Benhayon are because they unravel all the complex feelings and brings it all back to simplicity. Then we get to feel the love that we are and that we deserve true love in our lives and that it is as simple as meeting another for the love that they are. And yes this can be with every single person in our lives.

It is beautiful to feel how in choosing to love yourself this has been reflected in all your relationships and how you have now been given this opportunity to re-imprint your relationship with your ex-husband. Thank you for sharing and demonstrating in such a tangible way the healing power of love without measure.

Kerstin I loved coming back and reading your blog again, when you share “This is a living proof for me that we are all connected, deeply so. But most of us, most of the time, choose to not be aware of this connection.” it is the same knowing that I’ve always felt. We are not separate, we are all connected yet growing up many times I would brush away little signs that we are all connected, however I look back and can appreciate these were the times I should certainly have been confirming our universal connection.

Love is love, and it is unchanged by the way we choose to see or feel about someone else. If we do not choose to be that love first, then no amount of trying to be loving will actually BE truly loving, and our relationships will reflect the fact.

What a testimony of what Universal Medicine brings to life and alife in people – how people have changed from feeling disconnected to alert, vital and true enjoyable beings! Like how? What?! Yes it is a living and dedication to living honestly and aware that life is more then physicality and that life is about energetic responsibility. Or at least in my words. And so it is for us all to feel what our true living way is and live it, I know mine, it is The Way of The Livingness and I am very blessed that I have found my true religion back again. It is our every day livingness that counts.

‘If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?’ What a great question this is and if the answer is a maybe or even a yes then when we find ourselves reacting it is simple, come back to the love that we are and put a halt on those harmful reactions; and what if we were to keep coming back to this feeling even when we are not reacting, and could it be possible to be connected to this love for ourselves whenever we choose it and that being close on all the time?

Anytime we look outside of ourselves for someone to approve of what we choose to say or do, we have no love. This simple fact you beautifully show Kerstin, stops me in my tracks. For how can I expect any relationship to fulfill me, when I am not willing to be that Love for myself? Our thoughts can become all about the ‘special one’ or maybe this circumstance or that one is to blame, but the truth is simple – at the end of the day it comes down to us, in the most loving and profound way.

It is so gorgeous that the love you have embodied and reflect to others is inspiring them to connect to their own and make choices in line with that, which will in turn inspire others…. which is how the world will change.

The naturalness in what you say Kerstin is what shines through when I read these words today. Its like Love is a river that runs through us all, constantly, and yet we let blockages obscure its way when we hold back how we feel or what we have to say. These are like boulders fallen in Love’s way. The more we open up to letting this flow be our way the more naturally we will see, like the sea, Love does not discriminate or say ‘oh no not for you’ but is there for everyone we meet and know.

“Can we truly love one person more than another, including ourselves?” This is a great question, because it exposes how we are invested in others in some way, such as pleasing them to be liked, when it’s not true love at all (even though we call it love). What I have learnt from Serge Benhayon is that love is something that holds everyone equally, including myself, so loving another more than ourselves cannot be love. Love also has a quality of energy, this is something felt and not relative to activities. The difference is we have pictures of what love looks like, and then we have the energetic presence of it.

A beautiful realization that we cannot truly love another unless we love ourselves. When we appreciate and feel all the love that we are the love is felt by all and is an inspiration for love to blossom within them as well.

People ask me sometimes how I know that what I now choose works. The answer is simple ‘just look at me’ I am just more me every year, feel a more deep connection with myself everyday and a consistency is developing within me in which I am me during whole the day. I can stand for hundreds of people to speak or manage a lot of people, I feel open and loving most of the time. This was not there before I started to practice my new religion ‘The way of the livingness’.

Beautiful Kerstin, we can offer and inspire others every day by how we live, without saying a word. I just watched an interview with Serge Benhayon http://sergebenhayon.tv/episodes/whole-body-intelligence/ that spoke about how we believe we only love one person or our love is greater for our partner, family and children but not the same for all others. This is something I have been noticing for several years now, how we are more friendly, loving and open with those closest to us than we are with colleagues or someone we have just met. Yes, we aren’t necessarily going to hug someone we just met but our bodies can be as open as we are with those we believe are our select few. It’s amazing how connected you can feel to someone you have just met when you start loving yourself and others more equally.

Kirsten, this blog is worth of gold! Look at this saying: “Who would have thought that the end of a relationship could eventually inspire so much love?”
This exactly explains the world that ending a relationship could actually be a very true choice and allow us to self-connect and deeply love ourselves and so others. This totally shoots off the ideals we might have had. Thank you . Ofcourse this blog carries much more than just this revelation. It shows us that love is equal and that when it is not felt to All , there is a reaction between it, a choice ; to disconnect from the love that we are first. Not so much the person itself. Interesting revelation again.. So is this blog full of it! Thank you Kirsten for sharing this with us.

That love is our true nature, that we as a species will naturally align to love, and within this alignment feel the innate connection to the Divine that comes from this alignment, is the true answer to one of the deepest ‘quests’ of humanity.

If love is inside of us and emanates out then it would make perfect sense that we have love for everyone, we don’t bundle it all up and reserve it for a special few as that just wouldn’t work. By the act of reserving love for only those we claim we love in effect we must be lacking in love which makes me question what the act of loving someone then becomes, because if it is emotional then surely we are imposing a need onto another and not truly loving. It could sound confusing but what I like to bring it back to is my intention, do I care deeply for people and not wish to see them come to harm, am I willing to be kind and compassionate with all, not just those closest to me, that is my measure of holding love in my body, and being in love.

“If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?” Your blog brought to mind how I met my ex-husband many years after we had separated and how I felt the old reconnection and love I still had for him, despite the bitterness of divorce etc many years previously. We talked a lot about our children and both felt a reconnection. Love never dies – it just gets buried under our hurts so that we can no longer feel it.

‘If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?’ – this is great to call out behaviours vs. what is true. Behaviours are not our essence and when we see a person for their essence, it makes sense how it is possible to love everyone equally.

I love the way you got to be with your former husband having let go of so much that had got between you before, and having not expected to see him again probably helped with that. Wouldn’t it be great to not have any hurts getting in the way between us? Just being ourselves. Letting go is so very important.

Thank you Kerstin Salzer for sharing the word “arrangement’ as this has been a theme that myself and many friends I have spoke with have shared when they have felt that the relationship is no longer supportive. There is so much comfort that we can go into and then of course the doubt sets in. There is obviously a lot of reaction that can take part when we choose to make it a relationship breakup instead of understanding that it no longer truly serves to support one another and the quality it reflects to others.

We are all love we all know that within us. But do we live this way in our every day life? It is very interesting that being love in a world that heralds lovelessness is considered very strange, but the ability to understand why lovelessness is easily chosen without judgement to anyone is an important learning to truly live love to its fullest.

Love is love so even if the way we express love changes, for example, with ex-partners this does not mean that we cannot express the love we still feel. I totally agree Kerstin, it all starts with developing a loving relationship with ourselves.

Congratulations Kerstin for activating what felt true in your relationship. This is to be very much appreciated. There are more people than not that stay in relationships of convenience and prefer to have company than a commitment to a evolving, loving relationship together.

Kerstin this is a beautiful blog. When I think about it how many men and woman who divorce hold each other in love and can speak of their ex partner in this way? Many people hate their ex parters and speak about them abusively, but then so do people speak that way of their current partners, husbands and or wives and often in public and or in front of them. This is deeply saddening to hear, feel and see.

Absolutely Kerstin, the Love does not stop. The reactions, rejections and end of cycles we see can never end the connection that is there. All that can take place is we withdraw, or put barriers up to pretend to ourselves this Love isn’t there. A beautiful truth to come back to whatever our relationship state.

You make an amazing point, just because a relationship ends does not mean the love ends, in fact there is a possibility for it to flourish and prosper despite the situation – the fact is love cannot end, we simply have the perception that it can.

Learning to love inclusively, instead of exclusively, through the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine has brought about so much joy and true love in my life. The love in my marriage is constantly deepening and as it does so does my capacity and openness to love and be loved by others likewise deepens. Love is the dreamed of perpetual energy.

Reading this blog today, I am touched Kerstin by the very physical, vibration of Love. It doesn’t matter what words we say or acts we do, if the quality is not there it is not true. And wow what a quality it is! As you beautifully show when we connect to our essence we can see that Love doesn’t go anywhere – it is we who go AWOL. Absent without our Love.

This is so inspirational Kerstin as I know that it will be a huge support for those hanging onto relationships that are well over. I can relate to the reasons as to why you hung on in your relationship as also they reflect mine, especially the feeling of not being worthy. This feeling, I know now, was with from an early age and only began to dissolve when I turned the love that I gave freely to others back to me; then from building the love for me my self-worth naturally began to grow.

When you consider how much of life revolves around relationships and how generally they are a huge source of heartbreak and difficulty for people, everywhere, this blog stands apart like a shining jewel. For you ask us to consider Kerstin the true meaning of Love, and what that looks like in a practical sense. For when we have arguments, upset, conflict and abusive fights is that by accident? Is it actually part of a true relationship? Or simply a symptom that we have sadly settled for tolerating an arrangement. For as you beautifully say every scenario we enter into, seems to come back to the quality we hold ourselves in inside.

If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment? This is true for me Kerstin, as if I’m not with myself and someone says something and I react, then I can hold back the love within me from that person and consequently not hold them as equal. But as I experienced just a couple of days ago, when you are just yourself with another and being the love you are, the love you feel inside you naturally hold with the other person and there is nothing in between you.

Dear Kerstin, it sounds as though in ‘ending’ your marriage all those years ago that you actually BEGAN and embarked upon something hugely significant – a deepening relationship with yourself.
Without our knowing and willingness to connect to the love within us, we are bereft and always left short in relationships – no-one will ever requite what is lacking within. It simply is not possible.
And so it is very, very beautiful to read of your journey and the richness now in your life Kerstin, thank-you for sharing so openly.

What if, such truths as this were a part of our formative upbringing – within our families, our schooling, and indeed from thereforth through all of our lives?
What if, we bust the false illusions of love that tell us we are incomplete without another, that influence us to seek another to meet our unfulfilled needs, our dreams, our desires, our fantasy pictures…?
And… we learnt that it is our relationship with the love within that is the most foundational one of all. With this intact, we could never seek another out of need, for we would be open to sharing all that we are with another and also letting all that they are in, in full.
Every step we take towards this is to be cherished, and indeed our willingness to learn from our experience is key here… for we have lived with such emptiness – if not inner torture – from within, for far, far too long…

Sometimes when we speak of Love it’s easy to be stuck in the idea that this is a ‘high standard’ we need to achieve. We still believe like a child in a class that we must get ‘a good grade’ to hold our head high. Yes, Love is all about amazing integrity and responsibility – but it just begins with accepting ourselves just as we are. There’s nothing we need to learn and get to, just a quality we are here return to. We naturally have everything in us already, just as we are. Only sometimes, as you show Kerstin it takes us a slightly longer route to remember this truth.

‘Love is all about amazing integrity and responsibility – but it just begins with accepting ourselves just as we are.’ Thank you Joseph for spelling this out so simply. Many people say I don’t know how to love myself or where do I start or what does that really mean? We are accustomed to thinking that if something, like love in this case, is missing that we have to go out and find it or do something to acquire it. Your comment is pure gold.

Beautiful. Yes of course the key is to know that we are already everything and there is nothing we need to add or improve, simply allow what is inside us out. Of course this has its challenges when we have a momentum of many many lives doing the opposite.

A beautiful reflection for all as we are love and expressing it allows more love and appreciation for the all we are part of and builds an amazing way for truly living with each other and is a real inspiration and joy to read and share.

Thank you Kirsten for a beautiful sharing, we are all so deeply connected as the loving sons of a one loving God, we feel this connection in the smile of a stranger, the face of a baby with its emanating love, underneath the layers of hurt and protection that humanity carry the fire of love resided just waiting to be connected to.

I love the honesty of this blog and a true reflection of how relationships ought to be after break ups. Most people add the flavours of past hurts to the relationship and wonder why there is something missing.

Self love is very underestimated and many people feel they are unworthy or selfish for thinking of themselves. But there is a depth of truth in this, how can we love another if we have little love for ourselves first.

This is a beautiful blog Kirsten and an amazing sharing of the importance of choosing self love as your way and allowing everything else to unfold. Choosing to love and honour ourselves means we are choosing to love and honour all others.

‘What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?’
This question is spot on. Once I wanted a partner as an insurance and assurance that I was loved by someone at least and I let all sorts of abuse prevail in order to maintain having a partner and them not leaving all because I didn’t love myself. Now I’m loving myself I don’t settle for abuse because I am not dependent on someone else to love me. What is lovely is feeling that the love I share within relationships I’m inspired to bring to all my relationships. I’ve seen so many Universal Medicine students in loving relationships and marry and it’s not been exclusive so there is no this love is just for that couple. The love is for everyone just expressed differently.

I find that love is a beingness – a way of being in life. It is not something that magically appears when we find ‘the right person’ but an innateness that is fully and freely accessible to everyone equally. When we do not love another, it is through our own disconnection to the love we are. Love does not judge. It beholds us all equally. If I do not feel this way about another, then I have chosen an alternative and hence unloving path.

This is what we are all seeking and deeply craving, real and true love. Once I started this relationship with myself, of giving me the space to develop this relationship first, then I could see how the love that I had for one was the same for another. I didn’t really matter who it was. Sometimes I have struggled with the idea that this would be the case for strangers but in actual fact when I only make it about this connection with myself then I start to see this same beauty in everyone.

One of these days we will all realise that we do love everyone equally and sure we can move on from a relationship but that doesn’t mean we have to stop loving them or even worse continuously fighting with them without moving on.

Unless decency and respect are there as a foundation for any relationship it surely must become an arrangement rather than a relationship. We need to stop calling things relationships when they are simply mutually comfortable arrangements that lead nowhere.

I love to feel that actually we cannot love someone more than the other and even though it seems the case it is actually not so. I feel inspired to love everyone like I love my close family by having the same interest in what people are doing, having the same respect for them and showing the same care. It does not mean sleeping around, hugging everyone spontaneously or kissing etc but it is about the quality.

A beautiful confirmation of the reflections and learning, we constantly have the opportunity to explore from the people we meet and have relationships with. Love is equal in all and we all have so much to learn from the loving connections of others too.

This question is a golden moment that dearly needs to be celebrated:
“What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?”
What if the love that we feel for another is actually the potential for the love that we can feel for everyone… awesome.

I love this, it shows that it’s never too late at any point in any relationship to make it about love, even if it’s at the end of a relationship, if we make it about love we haven’t lost anything but more gained a whole new depth in our understanding of life.