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Pleasure! Pleasure! Pleasure!

What is it about the word "Pleasure" that causes so many of us to pull back, to hide in shame, and cower in fear? For some of us, pleasure denotes judgment. Pleasure is something we are not supposed to do. So many of us have surrendered and committed to a life of struggle, hardship, and angst. And a life void of even the slightest pleasures, truly causes life to be no more than an endurance test. But that is not what it's supposed to be! There is more, much, much more!

Pornography has been a present aspect of many people's sexual landscape including my own. In this, Part 3 of Reclaiming Masturbation, I want to share my thoughts, concerns, techniques, and insights into how to create a more mindful masturbation practice around porn watching. Pornography, in my opinion, exists for two main reasons and in two main categories simultaneously: Sex as Art (the adoration of the beauty of sex) and Sex as Science (the actual arousal and stimulation of watching the mechanics of sex). It's the latter, Sex as Science, that I want to spend Part 3 on.

Welcome to May, the National month of Masturbation!

A few days ago a dear friend of mine asked, "Garland, why are you writing about how to masturbate? Masturbation's been around as long as man's been on the planet!"

We both laughed 'cause his question is a legitimate one. Why write about something that, arguably, billions of people have engaged in for ages; putting hand or device to penis or vagina, stimulate until orgasm/ejaculation, the end. Of course his question insinuates that EVERYONE knows how to masturbate. Like, duh?

I discovered masturbation in 1993 at the age of 11. From what I have gathered, this is not unaccustomed for boys my age. One day you discover the intense feelings of penile self-pleasure and the next, you have a friend for life! Unfortunately, like so many others, I was derailed from fully being able to explore and embrace this new found pleasure without guilt, shame, and religious judgment.

Recently an out-of-town buddy of mine came to Seattle for a conference. While here he booked a two-hour session with me and afterwards we grabbed dinner while we debriefed about the session and caught up on our individual lives. On the way to dinner he asked me to describe to him how I was in high-school. I immediately erupted in laughter, a) because I found the question timely yet completely out of left field, and b) because the mere thought of the boy I was 15 years prior is starkly different than the man I am now.

The journey of the past 7 months has been nothing short of amazing! Through starting a new business with Garland, to opening our own studio and seeing clients, change on every level has definitely become a common theme in my life.

As I work in the realm of overt sexuality and eroticism, I find myself in an ironic and untimely backlash of my inner conservative and a strong urge to retreat. It is another "Coming Out!" What will my family and community think? What labels will they stitch on to my character and value? What will they say behind my back? And the biggest question of all: But what will they actually say to my face? The threat of possible direct judgement and conflict is most gnawingly present, even though I have not experienced it outright. Will I be burned at the stake?

2014

Once again we come to the end of another year. This is often the time we collectively reminiscence on the happenings over the past 365 days; people and things we gained, lost, experiences we've had, things we wished we did differently, and things we are glad happened to us.

Just like every good house has a good foundation, the work we do is no different. We base all of our work upon five pillars. Through these pillars we invoke the essence of the earth - that which we are made of, and of Spirit - that which is our essence, to help promote healing, unity, and freedom from past traumas and into a more fuller embodied existence.

We incorporate all five of these elements - breath, movement, sound, touch, and intention to help you create a more sensate focused experience, build and move erotic energy throughout your body, and help you reach ecstatic states of pleasure!

Wholeness comes in various shapes and sizes. Part of that healing requires looking at those things that we find aversive and discovering why those aversions exist. Some aversions are "admirable" such as an aversion to murder, rape, pillaging, war, etc. Others, however, could stand some healthy and objective scrutiny.

In doing this work towards the healing and integration of people's bodies and spirits we, as gay men, in the course of our training and practice, have had the honor and privilege of working with several vulvas, vaginas, and breasts. Often when we share this fact with friends of ours, a mutual laugh is had by all company - not that vulvas, vaginas, and breasts are comical in nature, but because the chasm between the penis and the vagina in the LGBT community is often such a divisive (and yet unspoken) reality.

Religion, Spirituality, and the Body

In our practice, it has become abundantly clear that several of the major hurdles towards physical and spiritual healing and wholeness are the constraints that many of our Christian traditions have placed upon our bodies and our minds. We have been chained and imprisoned by the very thing that was supposed to free us! For many of us, we grew up with a warped view that the body was inherently evil and destined for some fiery hereafter. However, Spirit, in creating a physical body to house its essence, unequivocally and irrevocably deemed the body "good." It is the temple of us. We are spirits housed in a physical shell. Or, as C.S. Lewis once stated, "We are physical, spiritual hybrids." We posses the best of what is seen and what is not seen - what is eternal and what is passing away.

I wanted to take a moment to first thank everyone that has visited the site, commented, and encouraged Toby's and my practice. This has truly been a labor of love and we are over-joyed by the level of support we have received since the beginning of this year!

THANK YOU!

Where do we go from here?

As I look back on the journey of becoming an Erotic Embodiment Coach, I am truly in awe at all the steps along the journey, the people I've met that have, in their own way, provided support and advice, and amazed at the way Spirit has truly orchestrated this entire experience.

When I came out in 2000, I never dreamed that I would be incorporating touch therapy with my spiritual journey towards others' healing. But the past 14 years have taught me a lot about what it means to be both a spiritual person and a sexual one.

Like many of our readers, I have been burnt, disappointed, and disillusioned by formal/organized religion. My brand was Conservative Christianity. For Toby it was Catholicism. And although we were taught many spiritual things through these traditions, often those teachings lacked the beauty of body acceptance and knowledge.

The body and the spirit were always in constant war. Spirit didn't inform our sex and eroticism. Religion did. Tradition did. Heritage did. And, as they say, if all good things come to an end, all bad things must as well.

So, we are privileged to help create something new and exciting in the world - Erotic education that combines both the natural body's energetic potential and eroticism with an emphasis on spiritual well-being.

Now, when we discuss spiritual well-being, we are talking about a person's level of esteem, confidence, self-love, self-acceptance, and feelings of connectivity with the divine however they feel, see, or define it. We are firm believers that humans are spiritual beings and that our bodies are temples of that divine spark. And sex, well sex and eroticism, are amazing vehicles that can be used towards all of the above benefits.

Our work is about helping our clients re-member all the parts that make us human and teaching them how to live a more fulfilling and embodied existence.

We look forward to working with you and helping you with your own personal integration!