Yes, narcissism can be healthy. Most people assume the reverse--that narcissism is an execrable trait and that it's associated with pathology. This is hardly surprising. Narcissism has been demonized in the press and popular media since the 1970s

I became a student of the narcissist, and you can, too. You'll come to understand that a narcissist has a way of being that is different from yours, and you'll find ways to interact or create distance that work for you, rather than exhaust you or put you at risk.

As a therapist, I've seen firsthand that changing relational patterns often transforms even the most inflexible "trait" into something softer, gentler -- not a fixed feature, but a protection that eventually yields to touch and intimacy in all the ways one would hope.

The most glaring problems are easy to spot -- but if you get too hung up on the obvious traits, you can easily miss the subtle (and often more common) features that allow a narcissist to sneak into your life and wreak havoc.

I believe people have much to teach us and that we truly are equals. I was raised to believe that people, given the chance, can make something of themselves. But I do not value someone being wealthy or having stuff or having power as being successful.

Andrew Whiten and Richard Byrne argue that primate intelligence stems from "Machiavellian Intelligence" -- the ability to manipulate and deceive others in the competition for scarce resources. According to this view, manipulative tendencies co-evolved with mind-reading ability.

It is highly unlikely that the narcissist nearest you will ever find the need to change. If anything is to shift, it will come from you. Your first step is to realize that you deserve to treat yourself in a worthy manner.

You'd think that saying "no" would be a simple thing. It has a quick meaning and only two letters. It has a strong survival component, and we literally can't live without it. So why does it pose so many problems?