Doris & Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise
some extra cash by advertising for a lodger in their 2 up 2 down
terrace house.
After a few days a young attractive woman applies for the room and
explains that she is a model working in a nearby Manchester studio for
a few weeks and that she would like the room for Mondays to Thursdays
but would pay for the whole week.
Doris shows her the house and they agree to start straight away.
"There's just one problem" explains the model " because of my job I
have to have a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath?"
"That's not a problem" replies Doris "we have a tin bath out in the
yard and we bring it in to the living room, in front of the fire, and
fill it with hot water."
"What about you're husband?" asks the model.
"Oh he plays darts most weekdays - so he will be out in the evenings."
replies Doris.
"Good" says the model " that being settled, I'll go to the studio and
see you tonight."
That evening Fred dutifully goes to his darts match whilst Doris
prepares the bath for the model. After stripping off the model steps
into the bath and Doris is amazed to see that she has no pubic hair.
The model notices Doris's staring eyes, smiles and explains that it is
part of her job to shave her pussy especially when modeling swimwear
or underclothes.
Later when Fred returns Doris relates this oddity and he does not
believe her.
"It's true I tell you" says Doris "look, if you don't believe me,
tomorrow night I'll leave the curtains slightly open and you can peek
in and see for yourself."
The next night Fred leaves as usual and Doris prepares the bath for
the model. As the model steps naked into the bath - Doris, standing
behind her, looks towards the curtains, and points towards the model's
naked pussy. Then she lifts up her skirt and wearing no panties,
points to her own hairy mass.
Later Fed returns and they retire to bed.
"Well do you believe me now?" she asks Fred.
"Yes" he replies "I've never seen anything like it in my life. But why
did you lift up your skirt and show your hairy twat?"
"Just to show you the difference" answers Doris " but anyway you've
seen my pussy millions of times?"
"Yes" says Fred "I have....but the rest of the fucking darts team
haven't."
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
One day, while relieving himself in the employee restroom,
Carl could not help but notice the unusually long penis on
the black man in the adjoining urinal.
''How do you guys do that?'' asked Carl. ''I mean, get such
long dicks?''
''Well,'' replied the black man, ''when having sex, just push
it in slow and pull it out quick. That exercises it.''
After hearing this, Carl promised himself that he would try
out this new dick-stretching technique on his wife.
That night, Carl made love to his wife and tried the new
method. Shortly after they finished, Carl asked,
''Well dear, did you notice anything different about me?''
''Yeah,'' said the wife. ''You fuck like a black man!''
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Gone with the wind:
A climax following a blowjob.
<><><><><><><>
Stupid:
The guy who rolls up his sleeve when a gal tells him she
wants to feel his muscle.
<><><><><><>
Dope ring:
A dozen blondes in a circle.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she
needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few
questions."
He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then
asks, "What is your occupation?"
The woman replies, "I'm a whore."
The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work.
That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman, "Ok, I'm a prostitute."
"No, that is still too crude. Try again."
They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken
farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with
being a whore or a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year."
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
A Polack who'd recently come the the US walked into a bar one day
carrying a pistol, a bag of shit, and a dead cat.
He asked the bartender for a shot of rye.
He downed the whiskey, picked up the pistol, and fired 3 shots into
the bag of shit.
Then he picked up the dead cat and started gnawing.
The bartender asked the Polack what in the hell he thought he was
doing.
"I want to be like American men," the Polack said.
"Drink whiskey, shoot the shit, and eat pussy."
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
This young man is trying to get his girl friend to go all the way. He
begs and whines and wheedles until she gives in.
She says, "All right, but you have to promise you'll only put it in half
way."
Of course, the first thing the kid does is drive that baby right on home
all the way.
She finds that she kind of likes the feel of it. "Say, how about
putting in the other half?"
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
There are four kinds of sex involved in a marriage.
The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon; you
both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.
The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage;
you'll have sex anywhere, anytime. Hence, also in the kitchen.
The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps
have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.
The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other
in the hallway and say, "Fuck you!"
There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you
get divorced and your wife fucks you in front of everyone in court.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers.
The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid.", answered the woman.
"We don't have a maid!"
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
"Ummm...she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just
figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to
make $50,000?"
"What do I have to do?"
"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that
witch and the jerk she's with."
The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by
a couple of gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the
bodies?"
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"
"What pool?"
"Uh.. is this 832-4821?"
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
A woman called a pet store & said;
"Can you send me about three dozen cockroaches?"
"I guess so"; said the clerk.."Why in the world do you need
three dozen cockroaches?"
"I'm moving," said the woman, "and my lease said that I have to
leave my place exactly the way I found it."
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>