Coffee and Superheroes: Who Drinks What?

Coffee is an amazing thing. It gives us the drive to power through the gauntlet that is cubicle life, as well as giving struggling writers a reason to show everyone at the local coffee shop (Starbucks) that they are, in fact, writers. As I was sipping my morning coffee (maybe third or fourth morning coffee) out of my Batman coffee cup, I began to wonder what caffeinated beverages gave our favorite superheroes that extra pep in the step of the roundhouse kick to the ne’er-do-well’s villainous jowls. What follows is purely speculative reasoning as to each hero’s favorite coffee.

Captain America

Black Coffee, no frills. Preferably instant coffee from a WWII C-Ration, but Maxwell House will suffice (if it’s good enough for Teddy Roosevelt, it’s good enough for Cap).

Steve Rogers is a traditional, no nonsense, American fightin’ man. During WWII they didn’t have the fancy pants coffee we have now. In fact, from November 1942 to July 1943, the US rationed coffee to insure the American GI could have something to keep them sharp over in Europe and the Pacific. Cap is a natural born leader who never puts himself above his men – if his men are drinking C-Ration instant coffee, then that’s what he’ll be sippin’.

Batman

Caffeine Capsule Stored in the Utility Belt

Batman’s a busy man. Whether he’s gallivanting around as the playboy, billionaire, or zipping around Gotham battling the criminal underworld, he doesn’t have time to sit and sip a latte. When he needs to have a little pick-me-up, he needs it quick and he needs it efficient. Solution? Caffeine Capsule that is stored in his handy Utility-Belt (probably named a Bat-Pill, or Bat-Caffiene Capsule… I’m sure Alfred’s working on an appropriate Bat-themed name).

The Hulk

Chamomile Tea

Hulk, you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry. When his heart rate goes up so does his pant-size and anger management issues. Caffeine is probably not the best thing for Dr. Banner to be consuming considering some of the main side-effects are increased heart-rate and high blood pressure. No, Banner needs the soothing effects of Chamomile tea. Chamomile has a mild sedative effect and lowers stress, anxiety, and heart rate, which would mean Banner could keep being Banner instead of Banner becoming Hulk.

Whoever made this meme had it backwards

Superman

Folgers, Cream and Two Sugars

Clark is a simple man with simple taste. He was raised on a farm in the heart of Kansas, nothing fancy about that. Black coffee would be a bit to bitter for his his hypersensitive taste buds so he would need it to be cut with something sweeter. Give him a cup of Folgers Classic, throw a dash of cream and two sugars in there, and he will feel stronger than a Kryptonian on Tatooine… because Tatooine has two yellow suns… too much?

Nitro Coffee is what happens when you brew coffee with Red Bull instead of water, add a dash of pure caffeine powder with simple syrup, and cut it with milk and antacid. Disgusting? Absolutely. Deadly? Most likely, but this is just the kind of drink a man with as busy a schedule and as high a tolerance as Mr. Stark would need to make it through his manic bouts of invention mixed with his flying around the world in a suit of armor at Mach 3. Do you really think a regular cup of coffee would fuel that kind of life?

Coffee may not give you superpowers, but there is little doubt that it will give you at least a modicum of morale and will power to work your way through to quitting time. So what kind of coffee do you think your favorite superhero would drink? Let us know in the comments!

Cam Clark

Cam is a husband, father, and a fan of many things. In college, he wrote his senior thesis on Mythological, Philosophical, and Theological Themes in Star Wars, and now spends his days causally specializing in Star Wars, Tolkien, and cubical work. No relation to Bill Clark.