Thought Train: About compassion

August 27, 2013|By Lorene Parshall, staff writer

Years ago, when I started counseling youth and their families, one of the trainings I attended was on “values.”

Counselors had to chose from a long list of values and rate them in the order of their importance to them. The list included such values as integrity, success, tolerance, money, power and freedom. The purpose was to help the counselors examine their own values and to understand the values motivating their clients.

In my childhood, various books and experiences instilled in me a deep empathy for the poor and victims of social injustice. I rated compassion as one of my top values at the training.

The trainers said values are what you do, not what you say. If you say charity is important but never give to the less fortunate, it’s not really one of your values. Sometimes I haven’t lived up to my ideal, but compassion remains a major value to me.

When I first started counseling with families, I worried about how difficult compassion would be, as many of the people I counseled were sent by the court and had committed various offenses — minor to serious ­— harming others with their behaviors. But it wasn’t as difficult as I thought.

When I listened carefully to my clients and opened myself to them, it was easy to invoke compassion for most of them. I realized those of us born to decent parents, to financial stability, or with a high IQ, exceptional talent, health, beauty or any other gifts handed to us without effort, can develop a sense of being “special.“ My clients helped me realize we’re not special. We’re just lucky and “there but for the grace of God, go I. “

But if they refused to stop their behaviors and were causing harm to others, compassion didn’t mean protecting them from the consequences of their behaviors. Including prison, if the situation demanded it.

It seems to me, if you’re a truly compassionate person, your compassion would encompass all of humanity, but I’m definitely not that enlightened. I’ve found it impossible to feel compassion for the ultrarich who accumulate more wealth than they’ll need in 100 lifetimes, sometimes by illegal or immoral means.

The wealthy who complain about their hard work and high taxes while they and their political allies send jobs overseas, label the jobless lazy, cut unemployment, cut food stamps for the hungry, fight livable wages and find new ways to tax the middle class, working class and poor, so they’re can continue to cut their own taxes.

I’ve never been able to understand a mentality that feels they can never have too much wealth no matter how many others they harm to get it. I’m working on it, though.

Recently I thought about my very first human service job in Gaylord. It was at a substance abuse program, working with drinking drivers sent by the court and Secretary of State. My job was to educate, counsel and evaluate them for signs of addiction.

Alcoholism is a multifaceted diseased and those afflicted by it are deserving of compassion. But if addicts refused to stop abusing and their compulsion for the next hit of alcohol or drugs caused them to harm others and endangered the community, compassion didn’t mean protecting them from the consequences of their behaviors. Including prison, if the situation demanded.

Suddenly it occurred to me that maybe excessive greed is also a multifaceted disease, deserving of compassion. But if addicts refuse to stop abusing and their compulsion for the next hit of money or power causes them to harm others and endangers the country, compassion doesn’t mean protecting them from the consequences of their behaviors. Including prison, if the situation demands.

— Lorene Parshall is a staff writer for the Gaylord Herald Times. Contact her at 732-1111 or lparshall@gaylordheraldtimes.com.