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Turn 4 (you are here)

Turn 4

Thantsants and Airbornegrove, driven insane by your urgent cries for more blood, rampage through the fourth turn, causing death and mayhem in every phase. The body count rises, with the most casualties of the game so far.

Turn 4 starts like this:

The turn starts like this

Movement Phase

Finally, finally, finally - the mystic mist evaporates. The war machine battery shake their heads in sorrow as they perceive with their own eyes the cause - and the effect - of the explosion last turn.

The Wood Elves, having lost their leader to the cold blooded Dark Elf captain, flee in despair as he turns his attention and the attention of his fearsome and odorous cold one to them. Saved from certain death, Seaman Sprayes avenges his fallen comrades, instantly killing four of the elves through free hacks.

Over on the other flank, Meedy Ochre lurches from the forest, much to the horror of the orc left (yes, yes, the left as seen from Thantsants' point of view - its still on your right, dear reader). The giant bawls in the general direction of Kalpol and his boys before lumbering straight into them!

Also, unable to contain his curiousity, Wineghum, thinking as ever only in the short term, determines that it is safe to violate Rogaine's trust (seeing as how he's running away and all) and discovers the Percolator in chest that was passed to him...

Actions

GM:

Mystic Mist

Ended and disappeared

WLH

Moved forward 4" @ difficult ground

Airbornegrove:

KBP1

Routed

MF

Charged @ K3C, moved 4"

MO

Charged @ KYP, moved 5" @ difficult ground

A2C

Moved forward 1.5" @ difficult ground

F

Moved forward 2", wheeled right 1"

I

Reformed

Thantsants:

K3C

Holds

KYP

Holds

MB

Charged @ KBP1, persued @ KBP1, moved 10", wounded 2

SOC

Persued @ KBP1, moved 8", wounded 2

F1

Moved 4" @ chariot and died

RGH

Routed forward 13"

WoP

Moved forward 2.5" @ difficult ground

S1

Turned around

S2

Moved forward 4"

GF

Wheeled right 3.5"

RLR

Changed formation to 4 files, wheeled left 1.5", moved forward 2.5"

CGC

Changed formation to 4 files, failed 2nd manoeuvre

SBB

Moved forward 1", wheeled right 2", moved forward 0.5"

W

Prepares K'fe

***

Gaversconne watched as Rogaine chased his boar boys across the field. "Come back, ya bastards!" he yelled as he went by.

"See? Ain't worth it," Gaversconne snorted. "Won't catch me runnin' off like that! That's wot you get fer followin' a leader with only one ball!"

Miigrayne squinted as he followed Gaversonne's gaze. "Only one ball?"

Gaversconne's eyes bulged as he realised that wasn't a widely distributed piece of information in Rogaine's army. Assuming Rogaine came back and discovered this little ...lapse... in Gaversconne's judgement, he'd be bloody fuming. And whilst it was all good fun to rag Rogaine in public and generally try to get in a scrap with the other orcs, getting into a one-on-one fight with the pyschopathic chieftan was another matter altogether. Had he just precipitated his own challenge to be chief?

"One ball?" an orc asked.

"Apparently so," another replied.

"Can't be," a third offered.

"How so?" Miigrayne asked.

"Well," said the third wise orc, "A feller's gotta have two balls to ride a boar, see? One on each side." He raised his hands and cradled to imaginary testes to display the point.

"Ah," said a fourth.

"Oh." A fifth.

"Or no balls at all, maybe?" queried a sixth.

"Or that, yeah." Number two again.

Number three nodded. "Or none, yeah. Just as easy to balance. But not one. Can't balance on a boar with one ball, see?"

"So we're sayin' he's got two balls or no balls, right?" Number seven was keen to clarify the point.

Gaversconne grabbed number three by his neck before ramming his fist into the unsuspecting orcs face. "Will you lot listen to yourselves? Since when've orcs discussed each others nutsacks! SHUT UP ABOUT ROGAINE'S BALLS AND GET ON WITH IT!"

The orcs looked at each other as they started marching again.

"Orc's got a point, y'know. Orc's got a point..."

***

Shooting Phase

Finally able to see, the dwarf artillery company successfully kill one skeleton. Well - knock it over, or whatever one does to the undead that makes them just regular dead.

The orcs offer similarly dismal shooting, leading to an uninspired and quiet phase.

Actions

Airbornegrove:

A1C

Shot @ SBB, wounded 2

BT

Shot @ S2, wounded 1

E

Shot @ GF deviated @ RLR, wounded 0

Thantsants:

SQC

Shot @ F, wounded 1

RLR

Shot @ F, wounded 0

SC

Shot @ F, wounded 1

MM

Shot @ GF deviated @ RLR, wounded 0

Combat Phase

There's not much to say about the Wood Elves. Having routed from the fear of the Cold One, they are hacked down by the joint efforts of Master B'tor and Seaman Sprayes. This act completes the Dark Elf domination of the north-west quadrant and also removes the last Wood Elf from the table.

Unsurprisingly, Meedy Ochre pounds the orcs into the floor, crushing Kalpol first and then moving onto his standard bearer. Unable to do anything against him, the unit routs, only to be torn apart as the giant mauls the fleeing orcs. Both the Big 'Uns (Suderfed's Big Boys Brigade) and the little 'uns (Chamallow's Goblin Command) express huge amounts of empathy towards Kalpol and his boys, by turning and running as fast as they can away from blood spattered monster.

Surprisingly, the now leaderless Kibarkid's 3rd Company of Fine Spear win combat against the dwarves again - pushing them further back and routing Nico and his mercenary archers in the process!

Magic Phase

Wineghum, having spent the turn working our how the Percolator works, lazily places another Mystic Mist over the dwarven artillery battery. Content, he returns to the little fire as he watches the thing bubble away cheerfully.

The Firehammers respond by wrathfully claiming two orcs with their fireball hurling banner.

Actions

GM:

Mystic Mist

Rolled 1D3 dice in secret

Airbornegrove:

F

Shot fireball @ RLR, wounded 2

Thantsants:

W

Casted Mystic Mist @ Baggage Area, 13 MP remaining

***

Wineghum had struggled to read the magical symbols describing the use of the Percolator. He had correctly guessed how to grind the beans, but now that he had made the fire and positioned the Percolator correctly, he was at a loss as to how to mix the final part of the K'fe potion.

He was fairly certain that the little bags labelled 'Sugar' had to be part of the final mix, but looking at the pictures, he wasn't too sure what the right measurement was. Everything was linked to the spoon, but the formula proposed by the symbols just didn't make sense.

His brow furrowed as he scrutinised the instructions again:

Percolator + Water + Fire + Sugar + Milk + Spoon = Happy Face.

It just didn't make sense. The milk thing was weird too - the sigils seemed to propose that one could have the milk in some sort of frothy state - quite how one got it that way was beyond him, though.

He'd have to make a decision, though. The Percolator had filled up the little silver cup it came with. Lazy steam drifted over to Wineghum. It smelt good. But he knew from stories of other shaman that a half prepared potion could be the death of one.

He looked up, scanning the horizon for Rogaine. "Ah, shit. He's stopped running away. We'd better get this show on the road, then," he said to himself aloud.

Tearing open a sugar bag, he poured about half of it into the cup. He put the spoon in, just as the sigils suggested, before taking an experimental swig.

"Gah!" he cried, rubbing his eye. The stuff was bitter - not nearly as good as the smell suggested it would be. Also - he felt no different. something must be wrong. Understanding dawned on him - the spoon was part of the magic. it had slipped when it hit his eye, no doubt breaking the spell.

Wineghum turned to look in Rogaine's direction. One more try. What he needed was a way to keep the spoon in place. Clearly it was supposed to touch ones eye - that much was obvious. But how did one keep it in place? He looked at the instructions again.

That's it! The sugar! Perhaps, if one put enough sugar in, one could sort of wedge the spoon into it, thus holding it into place. He consulted the mystical formula again:

Percolator + Water + Fire + Sugar + Milk + Spoon = Happy Face.

It was hard to imagine a happy face with a spoon poking into one's eyeball, but sometimes magic was painful. No pain, no gain, as he had been lead to understand. He took a fistful of the little sugar bags, tore them all open and kept pouring sugar into the silver cup until he saw it form a pile above the K'fe level in the cup.

Carefully, he inserted the spoon in the sugar pile, just so, before taking another drink. He was careful to make sure the spoon lined up nicely with his eye. Here goes...

"Gah!" he cried, his eyes watering. The sticky mess crawled down his gullet at a snails pace. What a flavour! "Gah! That's the stuff!"

***

Rallying Phase

Finally, having strategically repositioned themselves on the safe side of two units of skeletons, Wineghum and Gaversconne's Fireguts, Rogaine gains control of his Grand Hareline and brings them to order.

Actions

Thantsants:

RGH

Rallied

***

"Hold on," Damasius said to the other Magi. "I'll go and ask them."

Gaspar frowned. "I dunno. They look kinda busy. We should just get going."

"Get going where? We're lost, remember?"

Melchior stepped forward. "Gaspar's right. I mean, I don't know, but my experienced eyes tell me that there is a fight going on down there, and I don't think those are the nice ladies you think they are. It's the swords, really. And the blood around their mouths. Just a hunch. We should just get outta here."

"What is with you guys?" flashed Damasius. "How come we never ask directions? Its easy to follow the star at night, but its not night time now, is it!"

"Hey!" Belthasar barked, moving between Damasius and Melchior. "This is the first time we've ever travelled together! Never seems a little thick, don't you think?"

Melchior folded his arms and glared at Damasius. "Yeah! A little thick, methinks!"

"You know what? I don't have to take this! You lot are fine to go wondering around in circles. I'm gonna go and ask them!"

Gaspar, Melchior and Belthasar watched as Damasius stomped off in the direction of the Witch Elves. He hesitated, before stopping and turning around.

"Cold feet?" Melchior asked.

"No. But could you hold this?" Damasius gave Belthasar the little chest he was carrying. "I'll be right back."

The other two Magi crowded around Belthasar as Damasius walked off. "Go on - open it. Let's see what he's bringing!"

Belthasar shook his head. "He's just over there, for crying in a bucket! I don't even know what you guys are bringing!"

"I've got gold," Gaspar said.

"I've got frankincense," Melchior said.

"Really?" Belthasar frowned at the little chest he was holding. "Gold? I didn't know it was quite so... important. I've was bringing Travel Scrabble."

Just then they heard Damasius scream. Looking up, they watched as the demented witch elves surrounded him.

Gaspar winced as he watched. "I didn't know that could... come off."

Melchior recoiled as he watched. "They're very good at chopping, aren't they?"

Belthasar flinched as he watched. "Elbows shouldn't... bend that way, should they?"

The three men watched until Damasius had stopped screeching and wailing.

"Well. Now there's just three of us. Travel Scrabble? Seriously?" Melchoir clipped Belthasar on the back of his head. "Do us a favour and take whatever Damasius was taking. What'll they think of us?"

Turn 3

Movement Phase

Thantsants and Airbornegrove showed no let up in their savage tendency, charging units at each other left, right and centre. 5 times, to be exact.

The most interesting set of moves, however? Right in the middle of the board. Having just secured the Percolator and destroyed the War Wain, Rogaine sees red as he commands yet another charge.

BUT...

...not before he cheerfully tosses the Percolator to Wineghum. Wineghum, enthused by all the excitement and the wholesale slaughter that has so far taken place, can't help himself when presented with the opportunity to take swing at the Gyrocopter as it flies overhead.

Now in later editions of Warhammer, flyers have this unusual 'hopping' behaviour, where they would drift over intervening soldiers before settling conveniently on the ground in front of the enemy.

In 3rd edition, flyers are... well, flyers. They can fly. So, although the Gyrocopter has been charged, it is able to raise its altitude to evade the charge. This is not a flee reaction.

Compulsory movement takes the War Wain horses into the River Chai and one of the fanatics into a bridge. That is into, not onto. Bridge: 1, Fanatic: 0.

Wineghum watched as Rogaine grabbed his boar by its fur and climbed onto its back.

"What is it?"

Rogaine fixed the goblin with a malevolent stare. "It's mine, is what it is. You keep that in mind, hear?"

Before he could respond, Rogaine goaded the wild pig in the direction of his unit, barking orders at them as he led the charge towards the dwarves.

Looking left and right to see if anyone heard or saw anything, Wineghum determined it was safe to hold the little box next to his head and rattle it.

"Oooooh," he grinned...

***

Shooting Phase

BOOM!

Er....I mean, there are lots of explosions, as mentioned earlier. Sorry. I was just getting excited, is all.

Explosion 1: Deep within the mystic mist, the dwarves manning (dwarfing?) the red hot cannon throw caution to the wind and light the fuse. The cannon throws the dwarves to the wind as it explodes in an almighty ball of flame, the resulting mix of smoke, flame and mist appearing to onlookers as a raging upside down thunder cloud, as bits of dwarves and cannon are hurled into the air.

Explosion 2: Carrying on with the dwarves, it seems our diminutive adventurers like to equip their aeronaughts with bombs. As you can tell, health and safety hasn't been invented yet. This means that Wineghum, having so gamely charged at the Gyrocopter now finds himself directly under the thing and its lunatic pilot...

Both stone throwers fail to find targets.

Various archers are able to score some wounds on various other targets - including an astonishing shot from the mercenaries that hits the hapless Wineghum again!

Specific archers (that is, Rogaine's Lamentable Regiment of Boworcs) take umbrage at the frankly dishonourable business of lobbing bombs at their wizard from on high and take aim at the Gyrocopter. Despite the downdraft, the wooden frame and Torin's shiny metal helmet, an unknown orc is able to land a hit.

Which takes us to Explosion 3:

Being ever conscious of comedic tropes, Torin's last act saves us all from horrendous Black Orc Down puns by his skilfully avoiding the Black Orcs and making his final manoeuvre a controlled dive into the recently raised Undead.

Actions

GM:

TT

Crashed @ S, wounded 5

Airbornegrove:

A1C

Shot @ RLR, wounded 1

MF

Shot @ W (wizard), wounded 1

TT

Dropped bomb @ W (spider), wounded 1

C

Blows up, wounded 2

BCT

Lost 100 points, 300 points remaining

BT

Shot @ S deviated @ RGH, wounded 0

E

Shot @ W deviated, missed

Thantsants:

RLR

Shot @ TT (pilot), wounded 1

SC

Shot @ TT, missed

SQC

Shot @ F, wounded 1

MM

Shot @ MF deviated, missed

***

"I dunno, guys. I think it needs to cool down," Ethan Ohl said, frowning at the steam rising from the cannon.

"Don't be daft! We've got soldiers to support out there! Lets get her primed!" barked Benn Zheen.

"What? You can't even see what you're shooting at!" Ethan swirled his hand in the strange mist that had risen so quickly from the river.

"Don't matter - I can hear 'em. And I can smell 'em! Prime the cannon!"

Dii watched as Ethan wandered off into the mist. "Can I? Can I?" he asked, twisting his head as he leered at the torch in his hand.

"FIRE!" Benn barked.

***

"Cor! Look at that!"

Rogaine's Lamentable Regiment of Boworcs followed Sawdust's finger as he pointed at the double flash in the mist across the river.

A tiny figure soared into the air, its arms windmilling furiously. The barest echo of a shriek drifted across the valley as the explosion reverberated of the cliff walls.

"Cor!" the unit said in unison, as their gaze followed the figure as it plopped into the river, followed by a wheel and some other bits of wood and metal.

***

Combat Phase

Combat is brutal.

Master B'tor proves his superiority to his opposite number by stabbing, beating, whipping, biting, kicking and punching him until he dies.

Seaman Sprayes, so far out of his own depth that we can no longer measure it with any scientific certainty, loses. Fortunately for him, he doesn't die, he's just a little further out of his depth.

The enraged goblins, facing their hated foes, take a solid pounding. But, their hatred sees them through and they are able to win combat two rounds in a row! Unfortunately, Mill Kibarkid, the goblin champion, is unable to see this desperate battle, being dead as he now is.

Front and centre, and full of fantasy drama - Rogaine and his Grand Hare Line are unable to capitalise on their thunderous charge, crunching into an immovable wall of dwarves. In the wild combat that ensues, the dwarven hero Snorri Oneye gives his life to defend his unit, family, hold and the honour of Lady Luuhs. The redoubtable dwarves triumph in the end, sending Rogaine and his boar boys haring into the distance.

Actions

LTK vs MB

Round 1

Modifiers

LTK

charged

MB

hatred

Attacks

A1 I10

LTK <- MB

A2 I9

LTK <- MB

A1 I8

LTK -> MB

A3 I8

LTK <- MB (1W)

A2 I7

LTK -> MB

A4 I7

LTK <- MB

A3 I6

LTK -> MB

A1 I3

LTK's mount -> MB

A1 I1

LTK <- MB's mount

A2 I1

LTK <- MB's mount

Results

LTK

+1 (charged) = 1

MB

+1 (wounds) = 1

Round 2

Modifiers

LTK

none

MB

hatred

Attacks

A1 I9

LTK <- MB

A2 I8

LTK <- MB (1W)

A1 I8

LTK -> MB

A3 I7

LTK <- MB

A2 I7

LTK -> MB

A4 I6

LTK <- MB

A3 I6

LTK -> MB

A1 I3

LTK's mount -> MB

A1 I1

LTK <- MB's mount

A2 I1

LTK <- MB's mount

Results

LTK

0

MB

+1 (wounds) = 1

Free Hack 1

A1 I9

LTK <- MB

A2 I8

LTK <- MB

A3 I7

LTK <- MB (1W)

SOC vs KBP1

Round 1

Modifiers

SOC

charged, hatred

KBP1

none

Attacks

A1 I7

Seaman Sprayes -> WE2

A2 I6

Seaman Sprayes -> WE3

A1 I6

Seaman Sprayes <- WE2

A1 I6

Seaman Sprayes <- WE3

Results

SOC

+1 (charged) = 1

KBP1

+1 (ranks) = 1

Round 2

Modifiers

SOC

hatred

KBP1

none

Attacks

A1 I7

Seaman Sprayes -> WE2

A2 I6

Seaman Sprayes -> WE3

A1 I6

Seaman Sprayes <- WE2

A1 I6

Seaman Sprayes <- WE3

Results

SOC

0

KBP1

+1 (ranks) = 1

RGH vs I

Round 1

Modifiers

RGH

charged

I

hatred

Attacks

A1 I5

Rogaine -> Snorri Oneye

A2 I4

Rogaine -> Snorri Oneye

A3 I3

Rogaine -> Snorri Oneye (1W)

A4 I2

Rogaine -> Dwarf2

A1 I3

Rogaine's mount -> Dwarf2

A1 I3

Orc1 -> Dwarf3

A1 I3

Orc1's mount -> Dwarf3

A1 I2

Orc1 <- Dwarf2

A1 I2

Orc1 <- Dwarf3

Results

RGH

+1 (charged) +1 (ranks) +1 (wounds) = 3

I

+1 (standard) +1 (war banner) +1 (ranks) = 3

Round 2

Modifiers

RGH

none

I

hatred

Attacks

A1 I5

Rogaine -> Dwarf1

A2 I4

Rogaine -> Dwarf1

A3 I3

Rogaine -> Dwarf2

A4 I2

Rogaine -> Dwarf2 (1W)

A1 I3

Orc1's mount -> Dwarf3

A1 I2

Rogaine <- Dwarf1

A1 I2

Orc1 <- Dwarf3 (1W)

Results

RGH

+1 (wounds) = 1

I

+1 (standard) +1 (war banner) +1 (ranks) +1 (wounds) = 4

Free Hack 1

A1 I2

Rogaine <- Dwarf1

A1 I2

Rogaine <- Dwarf2

A3 I7

Orc1 <- Dwarf3

Free Hack 2

A1 I2

Rogaine <- Dwarf1 (1W)

A1 I2

Rogaine <- Dwarf2

A3 I7

Orc1 <- Dwarf3

K3C vs S

Round 1

Modifiers

K3C

charged, hatred

S

hatred

Attacks

A1 I4

Mill Kibarkid -> Borri Forkbeard

A2 I3

Mill Kibarkid -> Borri Forkbeard

A1 I3

Mill Kibarkid <- Borri Forkbeard

A3 I2

Mill Kibarkid -> Borri Forkbeard (1W)

A2 I2

Mill Kibarkid <- Borri Forkbeard (1W)

A3 I1

Mill Kibarkid <- Borri Forkbeard (1W)

A1 I2

Goblin2 -> Dwarf1

A1 I2

Goblin6 -> Dwarf1

A1 I1

Goblin2 <- Dwarf1 (1W)

Results

K3C

+2 (ranks) +1 (standard) +1 (wounds) = 4

S

+3 (wounds) = 3

Round 2

Modifiers

K3C

follow-up, hatred

S

hatred

Attacks

A1 I4

Mill Kibarkid -> Borri Forkbeard

A2 I3

Mill Kibarkid -> Borri Forkbeard

A1 I3

Mill Kibarkid <- Borri Forkbeard

A3 I2

Mill Kibarkid -> Borri Forkbeard

A2 I2

Mill Kibarkid <- Borri Forkbeard (1W)

A1 I2

Goblin2 -> Dwarf1

A1 I2

Goblin6 -> Dwarf1

A1 I1

Goblin2 <- Dwarf1

Results

K3C

+1 (follow-up) +2 (ranks) +1 (standard) = 4

S

+1 (wounds) = 1

***

Snorri Oneye glared at the charging pig riders. "Hold!" he grunted at the Steelaxes. As one, the dwarves set their shields forward, leaning into them, ready for the impact.

The boars squealed as they crashed into the dwarves. Dwarves and orcs cried out as steel found flesh - the enraged pigs indiscriminately gouging anything they could see.

Much to Rogaine's surprise, the dwarves held. Having nowhere to go, the boars had no choice but to halt, milling around in confusion. The orcs, completely unaware of the risk, continued hacking and slashing, but their wild blows were no match for the patient skill of the dwarves.

Kicking his boar hard, he forced the creature into the fray. In the emerging fracas, there stood a dwarf before him.

He knows what he's on about, thought Snorri as he ducked just in time. It was his undoing.

The wily old orc had seen this many times with the dwarves. All too often, they would rely on their diminutive stature to defend themselves. If you could force one to duck, and you rode a boar...

...You could jump the boar over them and take their head off from behind. Which is exactly what Rogaine did. Having landed on the other side of the still-toppling headless dwarf, he turned to display his victory to the other orcs.

Except the cowardly shits were running away.

What?

Something thumped against his back. It took a little while for his nerves to tell him it was an axe, but when they did, he bawled out in rage.

"Come back ya bastards!"

He jumped the pig out of the dwarf throng - so quickly that the axe was yanked out of the hands of a very surprised dwarf.

Rogaine galloped after the howling Hare Line.

"I'll kill every one of you sons'a'bitches! You better not come back! Do what yer told!!"

***

Reserves Phase

The orc left mobilises and drives towards the east bridge. The Firehammers cross the bridge, but find a vacuum in the wake of the Ironaxes and their routing of the orcs.

Actions

Airbornegrove:

F

Moved forward 3"

Thantsants:

SBB

Moved forward 3.5"

KYP

Moved forward 2" @ difficult ground

CGC

Moved forward 3, halts within 1" of RLR

Magic Phase

Wineghum, sensing the sudden need for a rearguard for the boar riders, raises more skeletons - creating a second unit of eight.

Actions

Thantsants:

W

Summoned 8 skeletons, 18 MP remaining

***

"Cor! Look at that!"

Wineghum shook his head as he watched the bloody orcs cheering at the downing of the dwarf flying machine. The thing had slammed into his recently raised undead, exploding spectacularly. It served the arse of a pilot right - of course it did. But couldn't the orcs have shot him somewhere else? Undead don't bloody grow on trees, do they?

He looked at his limping spider. Not only had dwarf machine managed to destroy his undead, but the thing had blown a leg clean off the spider. Seven legged spiders weren't outside his realm of experience, but the fact that the stupid creature had decided to play dead when it happened had really damaged his pride. It was one thing to be assaulted by a flying dwarf with bombs. It was another thing altogether to have one's spider curl up into a ball and roll onto its back with one still on it.

Still, one wouldn't last long as a wizard in the goblin walk of life if one allowed little set backs like that to get one down.