Why No Person Could Survive ‘Beerfest’

If you’ve never seen the cult comedy favorite Beerfest, here’s a huge spoiler: It has a lot of beer drinking. Just an insane, ridiculous, inhuman, Kobayashi amount of beer drinking.

So much, in fact, that the studio demanded they add a “don’t try this at home” disclaimer at the beginning of the film.

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In the film, it takes the boys literally an entire year of training before they can reclaim their pride in the next year’s titular event. Even with a year of training, though, could mere mortals compete at this level? Probably not. Actually, no: Make that definitely not. That disclaimer was added for a reason.

Here’s a better idea: shotgun two beers and read on for the six reasons why no person could actually survive Beerfest.

1. Notorious sudsy paradise Oktoberfest wasn’t crazy enough.

The members of Broken Lizard, the comedy troupe responsible for Supertroopers and Beerfest, are huge fans of the Jean-Claude Van Damme action masterpiece Bloodsport. The brutality and underground fight club setting of that movie were major influences on the no-holds-barred drinking contests of Beerfest.

2. Johann von Wolfhausen chugs three beers…on his deathbed.

A pretty badass way to go, all things considered. The grandfather, played by Donald Sutherland, downs three mugs of beer while recording a goodbye message for his funeral. Then he pulls his own plug.

3. Training *starts* with downing an entire super-keg of beer.

As the keg is unveiled in the DIY training facility, Todd Wolfhouse declares, “In this silver slice of heaven, there are 1,984 ounces of beer. Golden, delicious beer! And no one leaves here until we finish every single last drop.”

4. The actors didn’t even try to match the movie drinking.

On set, all the beers consumed during filming were either non-alcoholic O’Doul’s or, for the darker beers, Diet Coke. If they had used real beer, there’s no way this movie would have gotten finished.

5. They are competing against highly trained, ram piss–drinking Germans

In an homage to training scenes from Rocky IV, the underdog Americans must square off in an epic competition against an elite, elaborately trained European rival. While Beerfest doesn’t feature any performances by James Brown, it makes up for it with ram-piss jokes.

6. Landfill actually does die.

Fittingly, he is drowned in a giant brewery vat. Luckily, the airtight script introduces his beer guzzling, twin brother Gil at the funeral and the show goes on.