Foster care and adoption; toddlers to young adults; it's all here-- faith and humor meet as this mom of four chronicles the joy and heartbreak of motherhood.

Thursday, October 3, 2002

October, 2002: Oh Yeah, Life goes on....

Little ditty
about Jack and Diane. Two American kids growin’ up in the heartland.John Mellencamp’s popular song makes me
uneasy. Whenever it comes on the radio as I’m making the bed or driving the
kids to school, I stop and listen. And the refrain that comes shortly after
that famous beginning always startles me. Makes me swallow hard. Makes me bite
my lip and check to see if it is true for me yet.

Oh
yeah, life goes on,

Long after the thrill of livin’ is gone.

Part
of me wants to believe there is no truth to the lyric at all — thatlife
gets more exciting the older you get, with the golden years — not the teenage
ones — topping out as the best. But another part of me hears the reality
in the lines. There is something unequivocally thrilling about being young. I
see it in my own children. My son, Liam, 4, actually starts to bounce when he
is offered sprinkles on his vanilla ice cream cone, and Jacob, 7, yowls in
delight at the announcement of a family walk to the park. Children’s
developmental changes between birth and young adulthood mean that every year
they’re doing things they’ve never done before, whether it’s riding a
two-wheeler or catching a football or kissing someone for the first time.

And even if
they’ve had ice cream with sprinkles or walks to the park before, they’ve
surely not had them hundreds of times. They’re in their first round of these
little treats. And that’s why it’s thrilling.

Parents have the
privilege of some vicarious thrills. Listening to Jacob read his first
book, beginning to end, would fall into the ‘thrilling’ category for me. And
anyone with a toddler knows the oddly victorious feeling that comes from
witnessing the first tinkle on the potty.

While experiencing
second-hand thrills through my children is undoubtedly one of the sweetest
parts of parenting, Mellencamp’s song reminds me I need to be careful not to
allow these second-hand thrills to become my only thrills. My husband and I
need to have thrills that are ours alone. And in the midst of a house littered
with the socks, toys and grubby fingerprints of small boys, it can seem like
personal thrills come few and far between.

Oh yeah, life
goes on,

Long after the
thrill of livin’ is gone.

One reason that childhood and adolescence are
arguably more thrilling than adulthood is that children are not allowed to stay
in one place for long. First grade is replaced by second and J.V. becomes
varsity. Change is a regular part of the life of a child or teen, and change
automatically brings challenge. And thrills.

Adults don’t have
the luxury of someone else moving us along. Whether or not we stay in a job
that’s comfortable, but too easy, is our own decision. The ruts we often fall
into — cooking the same spaghetti recipe every Monday, sticking with the same
hobbies or exercise plan, even praying the same way we’ve always prayed — are
ours to keep if we choose. While no one would allow a child to remain in
kindergarten a few years because she doesn’t want to replace finger painting
with reading and math, few question an adult’s choice of comfort over
challenge. But the decision not to change or challenge ourselves is what makes
the lyric of this song come true.

Oh yeah, life
goes on,

Long after the
thrill of livin’ is gone.

We have a magic
marker sign, made by Jacob, taped to our pantry door. It says, “Holy Spirit,
Help us to be brave, strong friends of Jesus.” It’s decorated with three
crosses, a couple stars and yellow zigzags.

That sign has
become a prayer to me as well as a challenge. It’s also the closest thing I
have to a rebuttal to Mellencamp’s refrain. By definition, you can’t be either
strong or brave if you’re not doing something difficult. And conquering the
difficult is always thrilling.

Jacob’s carefully
drawn words of“Help us to be brave,
strong friends of Jesus” remind me that living as a Christian should be
thrilling, because Jesus’ way is very different from what is easy and ordinary.
The sign tells me that during those times when I wonder if the thrills are
fading, I need to delve deeper into what bravery and strength mean in terms of
Christianity.

I know a couple
who, in their early thirties, left stable jobs and took their two young
children to Tanzania, Africa, for a couple years of volunteer work. Another
couple I know — with five children — regularly opens their home to poor women
and their children who need a hot meal or a temporary place to stay.No worry about the “thrill of livin’” leaving
anytime soon for these two families.

Every thrill
starts with fear. The thrilling moment comes when we break through that fear —
the moment we decide: “I’m terrified, but I’m going forward anyway.”

And when this decision to go
forward despite fear is applied to following the teachings of Jesus — to loving
others, to standing up for justice, to serving the poor — we become both brave
and strong. We become people alive with the thrill of Gospel living.

About Me

Annemarie writes locally and nationally on foster care, adoption, parenting and spirituality. She is responsible for the content in At Home with Our Faith (circulation 80,000), which has won the First Place award in its category from the Associated Church Press for three consecutive years. Her Training Wheels column has appeared in the Milwaukee Catholic Herald since 2002 and most of these blogs appeared first in her Training Wheels column or as a chapter of her book, Discovering Motherhood (Ambassador Press, 2006). She is married to Bill, with four children (two biological, two adopted), and works in a job-share position at Johnson Controls as director of Corporate Programs in Diversity and Public Affairs.