Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Sometimes all some of us need is time. I needed time to clear my head, no I didn't have cold feet. I know this is the man I will spend my life with - I just needed time to pretend for a while that I wasn't a bride, so I didn't have bride stresses.

I think that if you have a long engagement this might be something that all of us go through. There is opinions coming from every angle, and you don't know how to tell people no. No I don't want to wear that dress, no I don't think my reception spot is the wrong choice, no 8 bridesmaid is not too much - they all will be beautiful. I got tired of defending my dream wedding, I got tired of letting everyone mold me into the bride they wanted me to be.

So, I took the 5 year olds way out of it. I plugged my ears, walked away and said la la la la la. I thought this was a great plan. And then 3 months from then I look back on it, and I think about what this did to my Fiance. He then to the brunt of everything, he was excited and he had no one to share it with. It was unfair, I asked him to always give me his 50% of the advice and then I walked away without giving my fair share of 50%. And now I feel awful about it.

I can only imagine the things that he may have thought because the woman he wants to marry suddenly wants to run and hide away from anything that mentions weddings. So, for that I am so sorry, and I am sorry that I did not sit down and just explain why I felt so overwhelmed, I ran away - which is something that I plan never, ever to do to our relationship.

Everything has to be perfect, and I have dreamed about this day since I was 5 years old. That's where it all brewed from. It's already perfect, and I lost sight of that. I am marrying my best friend, with our entire families and friends there to look over us. It will be a glorious day no matter whose hair style I am wearing, or if the bridesmaids have the perfect dresses. And I need to remember that if I ever come across the day where I want to plug my ears again.

P.S. Still working on that whole saying No thing, but I am getting better at it!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I am back in business! Not 100% perky, perfect bride-mode, but I'd say a solid 95%.

I sent out my bridesmaid puzzles this week, how I ask my bridesmaids, and just one more to say yes and I will have all 8. My FI and I came up with a way to ask his groomsman, and the flower girl(FG)/ring bearer(RB). So, we are on a roll getting the whole wedding party together.

We are currently at 487 days, and counting happily. We know this is a great time to start our lives together, and we couldn't be happier. Every day that I spend with him is a reassurance that he is the ONE.

So, here is to keeping this up. Getting back to 100%...and losing the wedding weight we just started!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

My wedding. I am calling this my plateau because I have officially hit it. Smacked into it. Broke a couple of teeth. I'm just not excited at the moment, maybe it's stress, maybe it's that thing where you hate the dark and the cold because it makes you depressed. You know that whole piece of advice that says "don't talk about your wedding all the time with your friends and family because then they won't want to spend time with you." Welp, I don't want to spend time with wedding me.

I think I got too excited in the very beginning. Too gung ho - I got too happy in the beginning and on a roll to pick out colors and my dress and more and more stuff. But I didn't take a second to realize I need to soak up my engagement first. I need to appreciate time with my FI, not make every time I am with my FI about him being my co-wedding planner. It should be natural, I should be excited...but right now I just want a piece of pizza, a beer & some good TV.

I will get to the bag of wedding stuff from the Expo this weekend eventually, and I will pick out my centerpiece materials and my photographers next week. I just want to procrastinate this week. I want to hang my head low and just be engaged and happy about it. My FI is sooooooo excited about our wedding, he has the planning jitterbug now. I don't want him to see that I am not so excited and get bummed.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The golden words that I spoke - oh 5 months ago. Let me tell you how that is working so far: I have 20 out of 525 things done, I have cried because I am overwhelmed 4 times, and I still can't so no to anyone. That means, the golden words aren't worth a golden crap.

Allow me to start at the beginning, we had a beautiful engagement on October 9th, 2010 and I knew I wanted to get married on July 7th, 2012. That granted me 20 (minus 3 days) months, 20 months to relax and do-it-myself plan my whole wedding without having to hire anyone. I was ready for this, I was BORN ready for this! I had put that my-size barbie wedding dress on when I was 5 and began the journey as the girl in 27 Dresses. Kate Heigl has nothing on me, I live that movie. I can tape a boob, do some hair, nails and feed the whole bridal party without a sweat, with 6 weddings under my belt to prove it - my wedding would be NO problem.

It all started with one minor (haha MAJOR) change. My fiance(FI) and I were planning a gorgeous big cathedral wedding in Pittsburgh. The whole nine yards, we even found a beautiful church and reception site that fit our colors. Yeah...that was until lunch with my Mom, where I was reminded I overlooked a HUGE issue. My family was not going to lug their WV/MD/VA butts up to Northern PA - so I either got my Pittsburgh wedding family-less or I had to have one of the hardest come-to-Jesus conversations with my FI I did not want to have. We moved it to VA, and I had to let go of one of my and my FI's biggest wedding dreams.

So, we are getting married in VA - at the church we attend together and it's a wonderful choice. We also found a place that will hold our guests. Which brings me to my next hair puller. The guest list. In PA a guest list of 300 isn't bad because you can find places to put them and feed them for $16 a person, and that is a beautiful thing. In VA, not so much. If there are places that hold 300, it costs $90 a person...and I am def. not Princess Di who could afford that. I did a long search, with no rescue. Until the Expo Center came to me. I know it doesn't sound very fancy, but it's perfect for us...and the 230-250 guests I decided we should cut it down to.

So, guests...guests, guests, guests, guests, guest. The battle I will never win. I finally got argued to 250. I gave my Mom(MOB) & My Future-Mom-In-Law(FMIL) a blank list of 100 spaces for names & addresses, and we got 50. Called it a day. Then, our 50 went to 60. So, now we are back at 300. Oh, 300 if you grow any bigger I will just book a trip to Fiji, and cancel this whole thing. Get a priest on a beach, and get married in front of the starfish. That's it!

Lastly, for my ramble today...we get to the fact that I can't say no. Ever heard the saying "opinions are like buttholes, everyone has one"? Welp, everyone is sharing theirs...and I am agreeing with all of them. NOT a good thing for a bride planning her perfect dream wedding, which is turning into everyone elses dream wedding. It almost happened to my dress, but I put my foot down. So, the objective for the next 5 months is learn to say no.

I will continue the daily battle with the FI, MOB, FMIL & $$$...keeping the updates along the way. Hopefully I come out of the next 15 months without a bald spot.