I, PET GOAT II

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Wednesday, January 23, 2013

It is becoming increasingly clear that Satanism and their, principally Judaic adherents, along with the Gentile Goblin Armies, operating as 'submissive bottoms', is the number one enemy and operative problem impacting on us all. How they go about some of their mendacious activities is diagrammed by the perspicacious Baby Sue. Then there is the out and out declarations of correlative things and it even manages to find it's way onto the Witch Queen's TV Show so... probably something to it. We'll visit a confession from the same site; why not? Of course, the media is rife with this sort of thing; nearly all media is an aspect of the hydra headed Bitch Media (Medea?)

I could put link after link after link up and never be able to include more than a small portion of what has been illustrated, testified to, speculated on and proven as well. Of course, we don't want to turn over our focus, for any amount of real time, to this ugly remnant of a departing age. We want to walk on the sunny side of the street. We like rainbows and the promise they imply. We don't gather in the shadows, in hope of the blooming of poisonous Nightshade; metaphorically speaking.

This departing age was never a pleasant place to be, although any number of good karma lives took place in it. Overall it has been a playing field of torture and torment. Like everything, except, perhaps for Love and the attendant virtues, 'all things must pass'. These things are passing and the evidence of that is their being forced out into the daylight. Though a conscious avatar is on the way, one can also say that The Internet is an avatar. It amuses me to witness the frustrations of the evil doers, as they plot and scheme, to control or destroy it, when they are so incredibly bound to it for profit, which they are loath to let go of. They are like the monkey, who won't let go of the mango in the clay pot. This will cost the monkey his life.

The internet is laden with fruit, like some massive tree, the like of which we have never seen in Nature. Yet people refuse to avail themselves of the explanations and evidence of anything they might question the existence of. I still, frequently, hear from people wanting proof from me about certain things, having studiously avoided the provided links, which already answer their questions. Failing that, they only have to employ a search engine. Some people mystify me. Someone very close to me, now believes that there have been some truly monstrous, historical lies but... does not want to hear about them and has real trouble with resentment ...because I have brought these things to that person's attention. The truth can make people both fearful and then angry and what are you to do when you have no enduring existence outside of the truth ...and when you are compelled to tell it ...because this is your essential employment ...and no resistance or potential threat is allowed to influence you, regardless of the cost?

Someone who lives nearby me in Europe and whom I count among my closest and best friends, corroborates all that I say but it is to no avail. Here is a man of courage who has really done the research. He knows ...and I have rarely ever met anyone with an intelligence equal to his. We corresponded for a couple of years before I finally noticed the town he lived in, in his email signature; right around the corner from me. My life is filled with these non coincidences. It is an interesting contradiction that I can have examples of invisible intervention in my life ...on a continuous basis and yet still doubt (on occasion) what I will do when it decides to transition me from one state or life situation into another; human nature.

By now, we know that Satanism is an international, world-wide problem. It was a much bigger problem when we didn't know about it. Now that we know about it, it is being subjected to the collective awakening consciousness, which grows by the hour. As with all things of this nature, critical mass will be reached at some point. The most important thing to remember, is that the devil is an employee of the ruling entity ...and a mere blind, taking his position and performance, according to the times being occupied. The game is fixed but not in the same way as those who attempt to fix the game may think it is. “Everything is under control”. This phrase speaks volumes and should empower the hearts and minds of everyone who comprehends it in its essential truth.

One of the things most people don't get and they don't get it even when it is explained to them... is that they are like they are and how they are for a reason. The level of their ignorance is there for a reason, as is the relative luminosity of their intelligence. Every specific, no matter how micro or macroscopic, is an expression of precision and intentional design. Everything is perfect, except for our perception of it and that approaches perfection ...to the degree of our reliance upon the consciousness that is the author of the conditions we interpret ...according to personal disposition. Once that has merged with the universal initiator, you're home free or... in your free home. Outside of that, all states are a state of bondage to some degree. We're all in the same boat, we're just sitting in different locations. Given the size of the boat and the various spaces available, that can mean a vastly different level of comfort. Of course, your comfort is directly relative to the comfort and discomfort you spread in your promenade across the decks; keeping in mind, you don't have access to all levels and sections; but you could.

One of my favorite quotes is by a general, I don't remember his name offhand but he said, “Every ship of state sails on a river of darkness”. That means all sorts of things take place below the surface where laws and sausages get made. Many people dispute the degree of intelligence in the military mind. I assure you that historically, they compose some of the brightest among us. Certainly in the times of the Roman Empire, there were some examples and interesting exceptions from Marcus Aurelius to Cicero. You'll note that neither of them liked the military, though both of them were in it. I used to love reading about Rome, especially Tacitus. Some would like to say that Tacitus had an agenda. Who doesn't?

I'm a warrior but I'm not much for military engagements. I like to be more along the lines of some of the lines from one of my songs. “We are on a vast horizon, facing into the blazing sun and we have come to Armageddon, just to find the battle won”. As reckless and foolhardy as many people might imagine me to be, I never enter into a conflict or contest where I am not already sure of the outcome and that accounts for my having evaded and bypassed most of the possible injuries. In Hawaii, I saw all kinds of people with steel plates in their heads, missing eyes, messed up in all kinds of ways and even dead. Few people behaved as outrageously there as I did and there are many who will testify to that; not to mention getting lit and going into the park at night and sparring with the locals. Bud the Birdman certainly knows about it, as do quite an assortment of horrified bystanders.

What does this prove, that I was crazy? Certainly is proves that but... it also proves that one must seek out invisible protection, if one is going to be a nutjob, seeking employment as a rainbow warrior. The faith you employ in your actions is equal to the results you gain and the other side has absolute faith in you; you just have to rise to the occasion because... there are no limits. I know I mentioned before, spending almost four years in some of the worst prison hellholes and maximum security wards for the insane. The population was 90% black and I was young, slender, white and... possibly even attractive (grin). Yet, I was untouched. I think that was truly an anomaly but... I believe to the point where it is no longer believing but true and definite knowing. Of course, I do not know and never will but as to the existence of whatever it is that looks out for me... I know. It has been proven time and again, time and again, time and again.

Many people are confounded by how I can say the things I say and just keep motoring on. Might it be that the things I speak of are true and therefore protected? Nothing really negative will get anywhere near me, unless there is a need for the purpose of demonstration. I'm not saying these things to light my name up on some cosmic Broadway. I'm saying these things because they could easily be true of you and until more of you get with the program, we are going to be in this inconsistent sludge of mixed results.

I've been wailing in the wilderness for awhile but... I shouldn't be alone out here. I should be surrounded by comrades in arms; cue Dire Straits. I realize that there are some number of you at a distant remove, who are right there with me. I can feel it, you may be sure. Sooner or later, the proximity factor comes into play and we will find ourselves in the place Rumi talks about ...where we fall down and everything is music.

Someone wrote me today to say something like (paraphrasing), “visible, you're a pagan but your faith in the one is off the charts”. He had just had some events connected to me and... all I could think is, I am not a pagan. I recognize one common source for all of the external, emblematic representatives that cannot be accurately shown in any way ...that the eyes can snatch anything... approaching the reality of. Music and math try to reach this. Certainly on the one hand, Beethoven, Bach and Mozart showed the reach but still fell well short of the possibility. Spinoza, Descartes and others had a grasp of the other but all fall short. You'll note on Bud's website there is no mention of me, although we were the best of friends for almost 20 years and did all kinds of projects together. He's scared shitless of being associated with the things I say but has he realized any of the things he was after as a result of his cautions? Frankly, no.

There's something to do here with the faith of a mustard seed and that applies in physics and metaphysics both. It's literally staring all of us in the face but we just don't see because of those Samsaras. I have a lot of friends, most of them I have never seen ...but most of them don't get it and when they do, they are most often female, which directly contradicts prevailing foolish wisdom. This is not to discount certain male friends who also get it to a greater degree but, since... in these times it is about surrender and selfless love, the advantage lies with the female mind. I'll leave you to puzzle over that.

What is truly strange and which came to my attention in the process of my research, is what is apparently happening in The Hobbit, which is supposedly filled with the use of the 'N' word. Peter Jackson says that's how they talk in Middle Earth and that you can blame Tolkien, not him. I read The Hobbit any number of times and I don't remember a single instance of the use of that word. I haven't seen the film yet but I will in the next few days.

There is a massive amount of insanity going down these days. I came across so many outrageous news items that I just threw in the towel. Most of these came as links from a site called The Grio, where I wound up as a result of looking into responses to “Django Unchained”. However, there are all sorts of things that tweak my antenna; I thought the economy was in trouble (I lost the link to all these pricey weddings taking place in an English castle). I suppose it really depends on who you are. No matter what, public monies are still being spent on really important things where we all learn a lot. We also learn that the people directly responsible for specific injuries are not actually responsible. One thing for sure, one of Zionisms big ticket income zones is steaming right along. Let's just go back to soft drinks being the blood of Jesus for a moment and check out PepsiCo; amazing folks, truly amazing. As anyone should know by now, it is the artificial sweeteners that are behind the massive weight gains in the places where people consume them from 55 gallon drums.

Germany wants its gold back, so the French have attacked Mali. It becomes increasingly clear that possibly most of the gold that was previously imagined to be in the Central Banks and much of which is tungsten filled, like some kind of bizarre financial Twinkies, is no longer anywhere that anyone knows about. It draws the mind back to The Twin Towers and all that gold that was there in the basement. Let's face it, something truly weird is happening behind the scenes. We know that Israel and The Satanists are somehow involved in this massive disappearance of gold. I don't care one way or another about gold myself, though I recognize that it means a great deal to a lot of other people, who equate it with a power it doesn’t confer, except in some temporary fashion.

This brings me back to Thiruvannamalai where I happen to be at the moment. I want to throw this out there so as to reinforce the way I felt shortly after I got here and the way I have been feeling in an increasing sense since. As you read down thru the commentary of people, who have been around here for years, you get an idea of what I have been saying about the impact of westerners on me as I move about through these environs. The sheer weight of phony gurus, in this area, is enough to sink the entire locale down into some subterranean smoke hole. I've been up close on some who have zero light and who come off with the same glib bullshit I have seen so many times, in so many places. It is embarrassing. It is offensive. It is like reality TV, with the same quotient of reality.

Last night, Gopal, my auto rickshaw driver stopped by and we were talking about some of these people. He really dislikes Mooji and has lots of experience with his trip here and the people who have come to see him. He thinks I should be doing this sort of thing and has offered to make up posters and publicize me for a series of public Satsangs (grin). That really made me laugh but it also warmed my heart. This guy is very hooked up here and when I had my problems some days ago, he stepped in and made everything work and is responsible for where I am and the fact that things were not a lot worse. Without him, I might have been duck soup.

I keep reminding myself that this is only a small part of India and there is no telling what might transpire at some further reach. Initially I wanted to go to Goa and Rishikesh; possibly to Varanasi as well ...but my finances aren't in order for these things, as it stands today. Still, you never know what can come out of the blue and if I am supposed to be certain places, I certainly will be.

The thing that impresses and disconcerts me, is that all of the things I was feeling in the first few weeks after I got here have turned out to be exactly what was percolating under the surface. Somehow, very soon after I got here, I had a very accurate read of everything taking place, without any actual exposure to it. Now, what I was feeling all along is confirmed every day and also elaborated on in the most uncanny ways. Gopal and I were driving into town yesterday, when he pulls alongside some guy on a bicycle and exchanges greetings. I noted the guy, a westerner of about my age; no real vibe to speak of. I thought he was some kind of tourist. As we ride away, Gopal tells me he is a spiritual teacher. Heh heh, I definitely didn't get that but... maybe I don't know what a spiritual teacher is anymore.

The only people who have impressed me here so far are Abul and Tulsia. They are authentic for certain and Abul is one of the most intelligent and articulate people I have met in a long time. He could set himself up as a spiritual teacher at any time but he's got too much class and integrity for that. Also, some of his friends, like Wendel, the western artist from Indiana (years ago) have made an impression on me, with their humanness and in some cases, humor. Abul seems to know everyone and is a great collector of all the right people, with a couple of exceptions (grin) that turn out to be entertaining (from the perspective of a behavioral scientist) when not downright annoying. Between Abul and Gopal, we're looking at real time 'six degrees of separation' at all times.

It is the usual uncanny that what happened to me, happened as soon as Abul left town, to go work on the books he is in the process of having published. It was an agonizing period for me but, typically, it is all now worked out ...as if it never happened in the first place.

Sunday, I go to see a very insightful (so I am told) Ayurvedic doctor and that should prove interesting as I am prepared to begin dropping some long term habits that are probably not good for anyone, long term. I'm told he has the necessary remedies. This is something I've wanted to do for a long time and now that is going to happen; at least I will experience the interaction. I had to wait two weeks for the appointment.

I must say that the biggest surprise for me here has been the large crowd of individuals running around and claiming to be enlightened. I would have expected that in Goa or Pune, where the Osho-b'gosh ashram is and nearly everything costs money and you have to exchange your money for Osho tokens and you can't change them back if you want to leave. Lots of people are complaining about that place but I didn't see the point in linking up all of these locations because the reader can find out all of this stuff on their own, should they have an interest. I'm not going to comment on Osho, which is actually what that's all about because too many people will jump on me for my observations (grin); different strokes for different folks, I guess. One thing I have noticed about his followers, both when I was in Hawaii and later in Europe, was that nearly all of them were business people and a whole lot of them were instant pop-up gurus. There's many of them scattered all over the landscape these days but that's not really any of my business is it?

I'm thinking of writing a book along the lines of “Crime, Money and Spiritual Fraud”. I've certainly got the details and info. Ramana Maharshi was dead set against people charging money for spiritual teachings and you can add the names of just about every legitimate teacher to that particular perspective. Money comes when it's needed, for the things it is needed for. That's another section but... putting a price tag on what you present in this theater, immediately diminishes, dilutes and compromises whatever it is that you have to say. Certainly you can charge money for books, because it costs money to print and publish them but you can't put a price tag on that which came to you through suffering, trial and experience, if the whole point is to create a dynamic that will spare others the pain of what you went through to possess the priceless. It's a sticky wicket. Money is necessary for certain aspects of the operation but... the day to day contact, the personal contact should be free.

Someone recently told me that I should create paid, parallel websites to ensure that I would have an operating income from all of the things I do but... I figure, when needed, whatever is needed is going to come around at the required time. It's not something I should be concerned with because that is someone, or something elses department. Enough for now.

End Transmission.......

Visible sings: ♫ I Got a Feeling ♫'I Got a Feeling' is track no. 4 of 12 on Visible's 2007 album 'Almost A Capella'

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

This will probably come as no surprise to the reader. Many of you have seen the various documentaries about the corporate theft of public waters. If not, you can look them up. The films are riveting. In many cases, local government functionaries take bribes that allow large water tankers to go to public lakes, streams and what have you and just take the water at no cost to them. This is an ugly and twisted corporation, no different than Monsanto. Corporations and their pet livestock; the legislators that make the laws, are up to all kinds of malicious activities. I learn something new every day; something I wish I didn't have to find out but must find out about, so that all of us can look upon it with horror and hope that our collective awareness will have an impact on these kinds of things.

If you've been at the various alternative news sites that I visit and am linked on, you have seen the lists of all the crazed killers, who were taking anti-depressants; cases like this one. Years ago, I was looking for a solution for my own depression. First I took Eleval and that caused me to have to use reading glasses. It also dramatically affected other body functions. So I stopped taking it. Then I briefly took Prozac and was massively disturbed by the suicidal thoughts it filled my head with. I stopped that too.

Then I discovered Ketamine and that worked really well. I caught a lot of static from the uninformed about this. However, I had the personal experience and they did not. Then, a few years later, Sweden legalized it for the treatment of depression and tests are being carried out in most European countries now as a result of this. It turns out I was right. Well, I already knew that. There are some downsides to the item but I suspect they will fix those in the mix.

SSRI's have been tracked in the systems of nearly all of these killers and suicides. I don't know what more proof anyone could need. Of course, the pharmaceutical giants don't want to hear any of this because it could affect their profit margin and we wouldn't want that. A more sinister angle is that these effects are intentional and encouraged, due to a social engineering aspect, desired by corporations, governments and the people who run them. Never put anything past these clowns, they are soulless, psychopathic husks of what may have been formerly human.

The major problem for most people is understanding what goes on in these people's minds. This is because, most of us here (I think) are normal people, according to my definition of normal (grin). These people are not normal, no more than a serial killer is normal and most of them are just that.. Mr. Visible has made a years long study of serial killers (at the same time seeking not to “look overlong into the abyss”). This I have done because I am infinitely curious about the inexplicable and because I characterize them in my novels and it is a good idea to have a feel for who may appear there. We live in an age of psychopaths and serial killers. Our presidents and lawmakers qualify as such. Heads of corporations qualify as such. Many entertainers qualify as such and all kinds of ordinary seeming people qualify as such. That's just how it is in these times of social alienation and over stimulation by garbage media and epidemic, violence fueled, entertainments. If you don't know this... boy are you dumb.

Now, you can at least check who is lying to you or hiding something. I fully expect some readers to head right over to my radio shows, or songs at the blog entries and see how any of this might apply to me (shiver-grin). Good luck with that. Don't forget to check yourself out too, heh heh.

This not just the time of psychopaths and serial killers. This is also the time of Mr. Dumbass and Mr. Indifferent, who are the natural food source for psychopaths and serial killers. The two go together like, rape and pillage. They make up the witless consumers and canon fodder, that fills the coffers and drives the industries of the predators.

When you're not a monster, it can be hard to spot the monsters. For most people, monsters are supposed to look like monsters but, that is not the case at all. Monsters can look like anyone and that is what makes it possible for them to do so much nasty shit. That's how your Ted Bundys and Jeffery Dalmers can get their victims into their cars or apartments. That's how monsters like Obama and Bush can get you to vote for them. That's how vicious tools like Ben Affleck, can get you to watch their propaganda films, which I have no intention of seeing; like that piece of crap with Brad Pitt about that phony Polish adventure. Many of these people, like Quentin Tarantino are full blown Satanists, as one can see from his recent “Django Unchained” and you can definitely throw Jamie Foxx in there and I don't guess I have to mention Tom Cruise and the rest of those Scientologists.

I know it can be confusing and disconcerting to turn on your TV; something I don't do and see an endless parade of people, who seem human and are not. You tell yourself, “well, they can't all be feral hyenas that feed on offal and human flesh; can they”? Yeah, it's altogether possible. Never underestimate the degree of self interest and ambition that motivates these people. Sure, most of them smile nice, are engaging (or can be) and seem to possess the usual gamut of human emotion. Keep in mind that this is just what psychopaths do. They effectively mimic all of these things and are capable of none of these as a normal human being is. They watch and they copy and pretend.

These are crazy days. Just look at some of the insanity that is taking place. What happens is that all kinds of unpleasant sorts set out to make big money and have no concern at all for the forward end of their escapades. It's all take the money and run. It's a t shirt that says “trust me” on the front and “hasta la vista” on the back. Just because you don't act like them because you are still saddled with morals and outmoded values like personal integrity, doesn't mean they don't act like them, because they are not burdened by any of these inconvenient limitations. Anyway, they are them. It comes with the territory. Like it says at the railroad crossing, “stop, look and listen”, or be prepared to be mulched. An entire culture and generation of vipers is being recycled as I write these words. They are being recycled in the threshers of ignorance, bad diet, permanent residency in Soft Drink City on Cheese Doodles Lane. Television is turning their brains into mush. An autopsy will show that the contents of their cranium looks like a congealed Slurpee; how it is, how it is. Of course, the psychopaths just drill into their skulls and insert a straw.

If you think I am overstating the case in any way, or being creatively imaginative, through artistic (or is that autistic?) license, think again. It's actually worse than that because we only see what is on the surface and what we can intuit or speculate upon about what lies beneath. It ain't pretty in Shylock City.

There's that section of a certain people, who serve the prince of this world and who have been given the keys to that kingdom, which makes it possible for them to do what they do. They are directly engaged in this and truly believe there is no other authority. Somehow they seem to think there is some kind of even larger payoff at the end. As a matter of fact there is but they are mistaken about the content and the quality of it. On this, you can rest assured.

Yes, most people are tubing down Buffoon River. The got a Budweiser in one hand (sadder Bud no Weiser further on) and a stroke book in the other. It's a known fact that a very large portion of all internet traffic is porn and bad porn at that. It's going on at The Pentagon, law offices, corporations, schools, churches, well, practically anywhere. Pederasty Central is a division of Coca Cola and the Catholic Church and both of them have a full time operating branch of assassins but that's been proven out through Opus Dei and all through South America and other places where the death fizz water wants to push its poison.

Ah well, I've gone on long enough. There's plenty here for you to comment on and I'll just be moving on to the next thing now. Be well all and, as have recently learned, be careful out there.

End Transmission.......

Visible and The Critical List: ♫ Reggaenomics ♫'Reggaenomics' is track no. 7 of 8 on Visible and The Critical List's 1987 album
'La Vierge Sperme Danceur'

Saturday, January 05, 2013

Not a day goes by that I don't think I should cut and run. You have never seen anything like India, if you haven't seen India and I have only seen parts of The South so far. I am meeting people who are so impressive in their simplicity and native spirituality that I am in awe of the majesty of the cosmos. I'm not sure I can handle this but somehow I am handling it or, should I say, it is handling me. People; consider this mountain that fills my window spaces as a god. There's something present here and whatever it may be, it is inescapable.

I'm staying here under the assumption that one of the most gifted musicians I have ever met, Scott Armstrong, will eventually show up. I have to hide in my apartment much of the time. It is all just too overwhelming. People who read my blogs and live around here, know who my friend Abul is. He's that gifted at so many things that people just know who he is. I had no idea that I had so many readers, no matter where I am; I realize now. Some of them like Wendel, who once came from Indiana but is now an old India hand has such a beauty of experience wreathed around them. Some of them are full of shit.

One fellow who goes around claiming to be enlightened but who has been reading the blogs for awhile was bugging me for a bit but then, mercifully, I thought, had gone away, got in touch with Abul. Abul didn't tell me what he said and I'm not the sort of person to be curious about that sort of thing. I may have some shortcomings but vanity isn't one of them. Trust me, the synchronicity here is major.

Today I was with my rickshaw driver. It was a new guy named Minux. Usually Gopal Krishna drives me everywhere. I sensed that this guy didn't really like me so... I said, "Let's go somewhere where I can get a beer." He said that there is nowhere in Thiruvanamalai where you can do that. I said, call Gopal. So we wound up at this hotel where I had been before and where no one is ever around; out of the outskirts of town and I said, "Come have a beer with me." He said, "Okay." We had a beer and I decided we should have another. There were two skin and bones dogs moving about so I ordered a complete meal for each of them. Minux opened up to me. He told me how little he made. He has a wife, a son and a daughter. He is very proud of his family. Then he said to me, "You are a very good man, a very good man." He said that in 15 years of driving a rickshaw, I am the first person to ever do this; take him out for a beer. If you need any more proof about why I despise most westerners, look no further. It has never been more clear to me that I am a black man trapped in a white man's skin-

"Well, it's Din! Din! Din!
You lazarussian leather Gunga Din
Though I've belted you and flayed you
By the living god that made you
You're a better man that I am, Gunga Din."

I still don't have internet so... I might have messed up a couple of lines.

Anyway, when Minux said that to me I burst into tears. He was so concerned for me. I told him, "Do you think I feel bad? Not at all. If a man can't weep because his heart is overflowing he is dead inside, dead." Then again, how many people's hearts are overflowing? Thank God I can still feel and I have never felt so much as I am feeling now. It is fiercely intimidating. How does that line in the Paul Simon song go?

"My love for you is so overpowering
I am afraid that I might disappear
Slip sliding away."

I was on a beach in the Bahamas years ago when I heard The Persuasions singing that and I remember what it was like to be young and stupid and to believe so much, not much has changed (grin). I've danced on a lot of beaches in my life, dancing

"Beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free
Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands
With all memory and fate, driven deep beneath the waves"- etc.

Of anyone I have ever known has, "been there and done that", I have...

"So, are you experienced?
Have you ever been experienced?"

It is at once, beautiful, breathtaking, horrifying, dirty And teeming, always teeming here. I'm starting to get a clue as to just what kind of a person I really am and why my invisible friends like me. Quite truthfully, I hate myself; for not having tried harder, for not having succeeded so that I could do more, for all the various shortcomings that make me what I am and what I am not. I despise myself; compared to the people who should, I have committed no great crimes but I never did enough. I never took the right road. I always went ‘les traveled' and more difficult. For some dumb ass reason, I always do it the hard way. In short, I am a fool, no big revelation there.

I realize now that I personally don't know shit from Shinola. I am a fucking amateur fighting ghost armies in the cemeteries of night. I am no better or worse than my imagination convicts me of. I'm told that I am a lot better than I think I am; relentlessly. Every time I am about to fall into the slough of despond, someone, something picks me up and says, "Would I love you if you were the asshole you think you are?" And that voice, like the hound of heaven pursues me down all the highways and byways of my life and the moments of my thought and says, "Visible, be nice to yourself as you demonstrably are to others. I made you hate yourself for the refinement of your work and I made other people love you far better than you have ever been capable of loving yourself." To paraphrase Tom Waits; "You ain't a bad guy when you get to know you."

I have never been so humbled in my life as I am now... never. I'm pretty good at a few things as most of you know but I'm also good at a bunch of things you don't know about but I realize now that I am not nearly as good as I thought I was, even given the fact that when you are that good, no one can contend with you. I am a mere piker. I am the living approximate of no one, nowhere. I get it now, in the shadow of this mountain. I recognize my insignificance. If you can't handle it, don't come here because everything about you will be exposed and rendered naked. If you are a real human being you will be stripped to the bone If you are a posturing prat, you won't even notice but everyone else will.

I really hope those of my readers who can afford it, come and visit and see what I have been given. As you well know, my generosity is only exceeded by my inability to perform and express it. Hey, it's winter where most of you are and through the unmatched generosity of my readers, I'm okay and you will be too. All you have to do is get here. I have the food and the infrastructure and, as you know, I don't lie. I would have been caught out a long time ago. Absolutely no one on the internet has the genuine and intelligent readers that I have and there is no mistake about why that is. I would blame it on resonance, or excessive articulation for those wishing and hoping but you and I know why that is really...

I feel terrible about not sending Michael Rivero the bottle of scotch I have for him; I will though. I feel terrible about all the things I have left undone; not the least of which was to have been more diligent about letting Susanne know every day how much I love her but... there is time for all these things. I want all of you to remember that if it was not for Rixon Stewart, a lot of you would have never heard of me. If it were not for Jeff Rense, the same thing applies. I have had a lot of help coming to your attention. Bide with me friends, the best is yet to come.

It is 3 days later and I *still* don't have internet. But check this out. I live several kilometers out of town, on a dead end street and... inexplicably someone opened an internet café 25 meters from my apartment. I am going to go post this there now. I trust that Sim will fix the punctuation problems in this posting. Lady K shows up today and that will help. I can't sleep for this mountain brooding over me. Truth be known, I need a handler but that will come. I cannot manage my life. I'm lucky I can go to the toilet without a handler; just being honest. One thing I have always tried to do, my readers, is to be honest with you. I can't cut and run. I may be a lot of things but I am no coward. I will face what I have to. I have probably watched "Pure County" ten times since I got here and "Time Bandits" plenty too. If you are going to come to India there is one thing you have to do; make an honest rickshaw driver your friend. I've done that.

One thing more, Tulsia, who lives with Abdul and is one of the most beautiful women I have ever laid eyes on; black as coal, with all the beauty and brilliance of her kind... make no mistake. She has cared for me and looked out for me. Of all the people in this camp, Tulsia has looked out for me the most. If you are glad I am still alive, blame her. I went into a store with her a few days ago and some punks insulted her and I came within a heart-breath of grabbing both of them by the collar and letting them know what was what. I didn't do it out of respect for her. That is what she means to me. I definitely have visible and invisible friends. You really should be here.