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8.29.2011

Sometimes doing nothing is the right thing to do

Quite often in fact. I've been learning more about this a lot in the last year or so. Today I felt like I needed to make up my mind about what to do but I knew if I did at any given time I wouldn't be making the right choice... I had to go where the day took me and finally the day took me to a moment of clarity I can feel confident about.

I was lying down with spiderman as he fell asleep when I started to think about dreams. Not the dreams you have when you sleep, the aspiration kind. I thought about how many times in the last several years I considered becoming a health practitioner... A nurse... A midwife... A naturopathic physician. Any time I was on one of those paths it felt exactly right and still I managed to veer off back to wandering in circles or simply standing still. Why? Why do I want to be a teacher who inspires people to be their healthiest selves but haven't done it yet? I love learning and sharing. I nursed my son and did all sorts of other "natural" mom things and loved sharing what I knew with others and supporting them on their journeys. I loved sharing what I've learned so far about juicing with all of you. So why haven't I been able to make this into my life? Why haven't I been able to take the leap and create the life I want for myself?

The answer came. It's because of my personal health. It's because of my relationship with food. "Heal the whole" is the principle of naturopathic medicine (the "hole" being the space between your mouth and anus, aka the gut) and I cannot credibly teach others to heal themselves until I have done it myself. I could teach women how to nurse or cloth diaper their babies because I had done it. I could even teach you all how to make juice and start a fast because I was doing that. I MUST heal myself before I can teach anyone else how to heal themselves.

The answer is clear. What's next? Back to juice. Day one. No other options. I will make this happen and I will be the person I want to be. I am already.