Sunday, November 20, 2011

I named her Chloe because of her hair. ;) I needle felted her. She came from a kit from Coyote Rim Fibers that I got for my birthday. And as you notice, she doesn't look much like the kit said she should..... I don't follow directions well. My troll looks more angry cute than regular cute, which is also appropriate because of her name.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

So, I am part of a place called Willowing. I did the 1 st week healing assignment. It involved me writing down all the negative things I think about me, figuring out what the positive intent of them is and then painting over it.

I did not take a photo of the negative things I said, but I took a few intermediate photos. I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out.

I don't have a picture of my first ever portrait that I've successfully done pasted into my book. All of those came out blurry. As it is, I need a better photo of my aurora piece. Aurora was done with art marker, pen, pencil, and watercolor crayons. The portrait was done with pencil, watercolor pencils, watercolor crayons, thinned gesso, and a lesson from Willowing.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

The first was me trying to learn how to use my water color pencils & crayons. The second was me playing with new stamps and my new markers. I think from here on out I'll be using watercolor pencils instead of actual watercolors. I like how it turns out. I feel like it's some of the best work I've done with watercolor. And sorry that the images are blurry.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Sometimes I can feel the depression swooping in to lay on me like a blanket. It feels like a blanket made of lead that makes it hard to leave my apartment for anything outside of work. It's times like this when I remember that I need to batten down the hatches and do more artwork.

So, I signed up for a classes on mandalas online. It's free. I went and got supplies. I also got things to make fake sugar skulls because the stuff is on sale. So, more battening down. More organizing my stash, and more using up what I have.

Today I worked on my art journal. I didn't really complete any pages. I prepped a few for creating later. It involved gel medium gluing paper into my book and then also gessoing over. I also glued some treat bags that I got out of the bargain bin from Halloween for pockets. I also made an origami crane and glued it in as well.

But really that isn't the important thing about what I worked on today.

I use my fingers a lot in painting. I prefer to gesso over my pages using my hands. I like the patterns my fingers make in the paint. It gives some depth to the background rather than just being a smooth surface. It's visceral. I even made a hand print on one of my heavier pages. After it was dry I found myself placing my hand into the print again, just to admire how it matched up.

My hands are the most important physical feature of me.

That was the realization from today. I used to think it was my voice. I used to think that was my most important tool, but as I get older and I move further away from my youth, I've grown more silent and contemplative. I appreciate comfortable silences more. I find myself communicating in text more and with my voice less. Even then, it is my hands that do the communicating.

I surround myself with people who are like that. We can sit in a room quietly reading and that comfort speaks volumes. Jeff and I do that often. We lay in bed, just enjoying being there. We sit and read. Or we sit in the office and both work on our computers, silently, just the tapping of our keys making noise. Under the desk our toes touch, or feet touch, and the silence between us is comfortable. Our feet express the love between us. We don't need words.

I sat with Oblivionrising in Texas, us both knitting, the silence fine between us. We were both busy creating. her hands were busily working on the thread and I was editing photos. Our hands were busy creating. Our creativity creates and weaves love into the world. We sat in my hotel room and we were letting light into the world. That was important to me. It was one of the most important time between she and I and it did not involve words. It is why she's my best friend.

I think a lot about the women in my life. In my teens my step-mom was a very important part of my life. Her hands were always busy. They hand paint under the nails and it seemed like she never could get the glue completely off. We'd sit and make things at the table. My mother also sat and made things. We were quiet, though, just the music was in the background, no noise from us. Our hands making love and light in the world. It was binding, that silence and that act of creating.

When I'm creating I'm happiest. I spent years in relationships where I did not create. It was frowned on. It was discouraged. I was unhappy. The people I was with didn't understand. I was miserable and depressed and I was not whole. I never could figure out how to fill that void inside me because I did not get what the void was. It took another woman, my counselor to remind me why I was so sad. She said I needed to paint and draw and make.

Make.

Making is important.

It's nice to be whole and it's nice to have people around me who understand how important the act of making is in my life. I don't need to make masterpieces or get paid amazing amounts of money. That's not what's important. It's the creating that is.

Welcome

This is a place for me to post my musings and my creative adventures. This place also is likely to involve tea somehow as, oddly, tea seems to creep into so much of my life.

It's also likely to become a dumping ground for photos of works in progress or hauls from arts & crafts stores.

Please keep in mind that I am a jane-of-all-trades-master-of-none, so I won't be turning out any art or craft at a level anywhere near professional. I am a hobbyist and far from a perfectionist. However, I am prolific in my creativity.

About Me

Introductions are a sticking point for me. I don't do well at talking about myself in these. I suppose I will give you my warnings first. I post a lot to g+ and not a lot to blogger. I get more interaction on g+ so it holds my attention more. If you are circling me, you might want to put me in a circle where you can lower the number of my posts that appear as I do post a lot. On the plus side, if I have circled you, I tend to be rather interactive. On another note, sometimes what I post borders on NSFW. I do self portraits with cleavage occassionally and there is a post someplace where my fat chick tummy shows. I am also rather opinionated and can get a bit mouthy, so that can be a bit much for work filters.

So, now that the warning is out of the way, I will tell you about what stuff I tend to post.

I do a lot of art. I'm not particularly good, but I am working on it and more importantly I enjoy creating art. It helps keep me emotionally even keeled in my life.

I take a lot of photos. I like to document the little things I see around me and I take a lot of self portraits. I'm not a pro, it's really about the artistic nature of shots. Someday I will grow up and maybe eve n be a real photographer.

I chatter a lot about my life. Surviving my current depression and still managing to leave the house for more than my job is sometimes a struggle. I talk about it unabashedly. I battle rapid cycling bipolarity. I also battle food issues and self injury. I am on a self discovery adventure this year. I am trying to clean my life of both bad habits and physical items I don't need that just clutter me up. I write a lot about that, too.