tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17120601254282471072018-03-05T13:17:00.096-08:00Wandering ThoughtsJamie Leighnoreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-55735270513865403452013-04-16T06:04:00.000-07:002013-04-16T06:04:21.716-07:00Let's do this....I quit Monster.<br /><br />I feel like crap.<br /><br />It's been almost 48 hours, so it's starting to get easier, but MAN, I feel bad for junkies trying to quit harder stuff. &nbsp;This is ridiculous.<br /><br />15 weeks until the wedding (Craig's sister's wedding) so 15 weeks to lose 30lbs.<br /><br />I may become a mega bitch before this is over.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-25928066141997545892013-04-04T11:51:00.003-07:002013-04-04T11:51:37.241-07:00I don't write enough...Maybe because I don't feel much like my life needs to be documented. &nbsp;Even though I'm ridic thankful for old blogs, to remember things that have happened... I guess I feel like losing Patrick was about the largest thing I've experienced, to date, and what could I possibly have to say now that's at all interesting?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-63295926503489589172013-02-28T05:58:00.004-08:002013-02-28T05:58:43.979-08:00It's amazing how much of a struggle it is to get myself ready and presentable in the morning. &nbsp;I feel better through the day if I look nice, but I can't find the motivation to do it!<br /><br />This week, I've done hair and makeup every day so far. &nbsp;My coworkers are starting to ask if I have job interviews after work. &nbsp;*headdesk*<br /><br /><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-37867419685660629802013-02-22T10:28:00.002-08:002013-02-22T10:28:48.372-08:00Last night, I has the wonderful good fortune to receive a lovely text from the ex husband. &nbsp;Informing me that our daughter is gone, and I've not gotten pregnant again, because I'm a selfish, bitter b*tch.<br /><br />Surprisingly, this hasn't hurt, because i know he's wrong.<br /><br />But I'm done being the nice person. &nbsp;Backup has been called into play and he's not getting away with this crap any more.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-52388670041339571362013-02-06T09:55:00.001-08:002013-02-06T09:55:35.065-08:00I disappear....For long stretches of time, and return, with updates...<br /><br />The boy mentioned in previous posts.... is no more. &nbsp;But that's no matter. &nbsp;Because I've met a new one.<br /><br />We've been "official" for about 6 weeks now. &nbsp;Yeah, 6 weeks, I know. &nbsp;It's hard for me to beleive either. &nbsp;I'm a bitter, doubting person... or I was. &nbsp;But... he's pretty much amazing.<br /><br />I've come to terms with the fact that my body may fail me in the reproduction department. &nbsp;I still have hope that I'll be able to try, but I'm not so hung up on it. &nbsp;I'm coming up on the 4th anniversary of Patrick's passing, and it's finally starting to feel like a scar, more than a scab that I've picked at.<br /><br />Work is stressful - I am still traveling on occasion, so I don't get much time to myself anymore. &nbsp;Big changes in my office to, leading me to believe that a company change might be in order sooner than later. &nbsp;I'm not&nbsp;advancing&nbsp; nor is there&nbsp;opportunity&nbsp;to, and with the changes happening, it looks like my chances of moving forward are even worse. &nbsp;So.... it might be time to go back to hunting.<br /><br />I've been cooking tons, and debating with the idea of starting to post here about it. &nbsp;We shall see if I gain the motivation to do so.<br /><br />Hope my few followers are still out there.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px !important;" /></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-39937562648318396512012-07-17T07:48:00.002-07:002012-07-17T07:48:59.733-07:00What do you do.......when someone you care about is going through a stressful time in their lives?<br /><br />You send them the most hilariously bad gag gift you can find.<br /><br />He'll either love me, or kill me...<br /><br /><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-5828860761408608502012-07-12T17:44:00.000-07:002012-07-12T17:44:20.566-07:00Overthinking, and being your own worst critic.From the first time I set foot in that basement, I turned on the normal Jamie Charm. <br /><br />They had no idea until yesterday, almost a month later, how dang scared I was.<br /><br />So, I'm singing in a band now. &nbsp;It's all sorts of rad, and I love it, but every time I go to start a new song, I shake like a leaf in gale force winds. &nbsp;Which is funny, considering the bass player was willing to take me on solely due to, and I quote, "an awesome will to try and an outgoing attitude".<br /><br />I assumed they could see through my front, but apparently, in talking, they couldn't. &nbsp;They know now, and aren't judging me for it, but it made me chuckle. &nbsp;How I was sure my fear was written on my face, but they had no clue. &nbsp;We are our own worst critics, and that sucks. <br /><br />On the same strand, we over think things too much. &nbsp;I'm pretty sure my over thinking has caused irreparable damage to a relationship I hoped to keep very much alive. &nbsp;Or, am I just over thinking that too?<br /><br />I need to find a way to turn off my brain sometimes...<br /><br /><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-23656586745516939392012-07-08T17:18:00.000-07:002012-07-08T17:18:03.492-07:00Really?I really cannot believe that me saying I'm frustrated and wanting to see someone warrants me being yelled at that I'm "overboard".<br /><br />Most people would appreciate that someone wants to see them.<br /><br />I can cave and admit I'm wrong on occasion, and lord knows I whine about it more than I should, but I refuse to back down when all I ever said was that I wanted to see you.<br /><br />I don't think that's too much to ask.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-49740765912218735092012-06-28T12:52:00.001-07:002012-06-28T12:52:57.436-07:00Interesting....So I guess...<br /><br />I'm the singer in a band.<br /><br />This ought to be interesting...<br /><br /><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-9262486985017688962012-06-19T19:04:00.000-07:002012-06-19T19:04:54.060-07:00Gah.Why do I think it's worth it? &nbsp;When I work, he sleeps. &nbsp;When I'm off, he works. &nbsp;When he's off, I sleep. &nbsp;I get once in a while, random stories or thoughts with which to learn who he really is. <br /><br />I want more. &nbsp;I get frustrated and sad when I don't see him, hear his voice, smell him. &nbsp;I feel like it's one sided, I wonder if I'm making a mistake, if I'm wasting my time. &nbsp;I worry that when I get a little sappy, he's going to get annoyed, for the simple fact that he's not like that, and doesn't return those words.<br /><br />On our first date I met his dad. &nbsp;I got jelly beans I'd been talking about for weeks snatched from my hand and bought for me on our first date (at Walmart) &nbsp;:P &nbsp;I got "See?! &nbsp;She's fucking perfect for me!" yelled in front of his friends, also on our first date, playing darts with his friends, because I used "keeping my spirits up!" as a reason why a silly keychain I carry would be useful during the zombie apocalypse. &nbsp;I get repeated claims of, "I'm sorry... I'm talking a lot... I don't talk to anyone like this... &nbsp;feel special" &nbsp;:P &nbsp;I post on Facebook that same night that I do feel special, and he says, "With reason."<br /><br />On our second date, I got compliments on how I looked. &nbsp;I watched as he said I love you as he left to his dad, and how his dad said something else to him, they conversed again for a few moments, and he said I&nbsp;love&nbsp;you again. &nbsp;As though it HAD to be the last thing he said before he left. &nbsp;It was heart melting. &nbsp;I got laughs and fun at the movies. &nbsp;Met his mom. &nbsp;And tons more talking. &nbsp;I can listen to him talk for hours. &nbsp;It's soothing, but makes me laugh, and incredibly sexy, all at the same time. &nbsp;He apologizes for talking a lot for like the 9th time, and something in me snaps. &nbsp;I dive across the car to cling to him for a second, kiss the side of his head, and say, "Stop apologizing. &nbsp;I like listening to you." &nbsp;And when I leave, I stop, turn around and go back to him to kiss him. &nbsp;Because the silly boy didn't kiss me. &nbsp;:P<br /><br />Our third date, he took me to meet an old college friend. &nbsp;Lots of talking on the ride, lots of laughs with his friend, lots of me sitting quietly marveling at how many times, in such a short amount of time, he's shared his life with me.<br /><br />Our 4th date was to see one of my favorite bands, and with my friends. &nbsp;He never once let their jesting get to him. &nbsp;He cracked up with me as they mooned us from the other car, he took the questioning from my guy friends like a champ, and by the end, it was like one big group of people, he didn't seem like an outsider at all.<br /><br />I've only gotten to see him 4 times in the last 10 weeks. &nbsp;I get frustrated, I get angry at the world, at life, for keeping us apart. &nbsp;I forget what it's like being with him.<br /><br />But in between I get silly stories. &nbsp;I get asked how my days are. &nbsp;I get told, "I'm happy that you EXIST, let alone that you dig me!" &nbsp;I get little bits of thoughts from a man who is just happy that I'm here.<br /><br />I need to find a way to be content with what I get. &nbsp;Because this man is wonderful. &nbsp;Rolls with the punches, gets right back up and figures out another way to take care of the important things. &nbsp;Takes care of his family and values that above all else. &nbsp;Life is throwing BOTH of us curveballs and reasons why we can't see each other. &nbsp;Distance is the biggest factor. &nbsp;Distance? &nbsp;I'm mad about distance? &nbsp;he could be 500 miles away, not 50. &nbsp;Why am I complaining?<br /><br />I am falling for a man who will probably rarely bring me flowers, or tell me he misses me, or say stupid sappy shit. &nbsp;But in the end... I EXIST and that makes him happy? &nbsp;I'd rather be allowed the chance to make him happy by being there, but I need to remember that at a base level, he is content that I am me, and that I am here.<br /><br />I know once a while ago I sent him the link to this blog, and lord knows if he reads it. &nbsp;So if you do, babe, I'm sorry that I freak out and whine about not seeing you. &nbsp;I just happen to find you so fascinating and enjoyable to be around, it causes me to act like a two year old. &nbsp;When there are so many people who have it so much worse. &nbsp;Longer distances, military spouses, or worse, as you said to me, "Most people go their whole lives without meetin someone that really gets em." &nbsp;I'm going to really try to savor what I do get and not complain about it.<br /><br />And if you don't, then someday I'll make you read this, and hopefully it'll be while together, laughing about how epic the distance once seemed.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-16467977345851385122012-06-18T07:37:00.000-07:002012-06-18T07:37:56.583-07:0022 days....At one week, I am wistful.<br /><br />At two weeks, I am sad.<br /><br />At three weeks, I realize that I can barely remember your voice, and that's when I really start to lose hope, panic, and want to run.<br /><br />I don't really want to run from <b>YOU</b>, but I want to run from how horribly vulnerable that makes me feel, how horrible it feels to long for something so damn bad.<br /><br />The simple fix would be a phone call. &nbsp;But even that's so hard to coordinate, that has to be planned to. &nbsp;I work when you sleep. &nbsp;You work when I could call. &nbsp;I sleep when you're available. <br /><br />And then there's the whole part where I have to admit that this is what I miss, this is what makes me crazy, and wonder if admitting that will weird you out.<br /><br />So instead... I just sit and suffer. &nbsp;Blah. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-1817598292462340322012-06-12T19:45:00.000-07:002012-06-12T19:45:14.640-07:00Frustrated....So, I have an issue. &nbsp;In the form of a person. &nbsp;With a penis.<br /><br />I like this stupid boy. &nbsp;So much so that, while there's been no commitment talk, I'm still mentally committed. &nbsp;So much so, that I think of nothing else. &nbsp;It's bad. &nbsp;Like, REAL BAD.<br /><br />Here's the problem... he's just... patient. &nbsp;And calm. &nbsp;I am not. &nbsp;There are a ton of factors going on here that are killing what little chance we have to make anything of this. &nbsp;And it sucks. &nbsp;Because while I think about it constantly, it doesn't seem to bother him in the slightest.<br /><br />Don't get me wrong, he isn't a jerk by any means, just... never mentions it. &nbsp;Maybe it's just a guy thing. &nbsp;Maybe I'm more of a girl lately than I realize. &nbsp;All I know is, I really don't know how to deal with it. &nbsp;When it gets to a point where we're going 4 weeks without seeing each other, and his response is, "We'll figure it out, babe", well... how? &nbsp;And when? &nbsp;Do you not give a shit that I'm bothered? &nbsp;How are you so damn sure of this?<br /><br />Is it too much to ask that if a guy is interested and thinks we are compatible, to EXPRESS IT?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-79446433802010458002012-05-25T17:45:00.001-07:002012-05-25T17:45:11.437-07:00Double standards?So, I'm single. &nbsp;The hubby and I parted ways in June of last year, and made it official in February of this year. &nbsp;And I learned something very interesting along the way....<br /><br />...There is still an EXTREME double standard about men having casual sex, vs women being slutty. &nbsp;(Term used purposefully.)<br /><br />As a twice divorced woman, who is picky, emotionally unstable when it comes to relationships, and in general just not a fan of being tied down, it's surprising how many people frown upon, well.... entertaining your urges. Shall we say. <br /><br />As long as you're safe, use your head about it, I say... why not? &nbsp;I know some people don't agree with that theory though.<br /><br />Seems to be ok for men to do it, though.<br /><br />I'm actually not getting laid at all and have my eyes firmly fixed on one prize (he knows who he is) but until a few months ago, I was just looking to enjoy life, not be judged. &nbsp;Who is anyone to tell another person hat they do is inappropriate? &nbsp;Would it have been better for me to SAY "Yeah, be my boyfriend!", get laid, and then dump them? &nbsp;I guess I don't understand the horrible stigma attached with being an adult making my own choices....<br /><br />...but I also know a lot of idiots have fucked it up for the rest of us.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px !important;" /></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-59640186746066914892012-05-18T07:23:00.000-07:002012-05-18T07:23:19.453-07:00I suppose I should explain myself....Hi, I'm Jamie, and welcome to my blog.<br /><br />Some of you knew that by now, but a brief synopsis of why I'm here is in order, I believe.<br /><br />My original blog, <a href="http://babyoliverblog.blogspot.com/">http://babyoliverblog.blogspot.com</a>&nbsp;was started February 15th of 2009, to chronicle my first pregnancy. &nbsp;Unfortunately, on March 19th, 2009, we lost our precious baby girl to a very rare, very hard to comprehend syndrome. &nbsp;It was a fluke, and there was nothing we could do to stop that.<br /><br />Over the last 3 years, I've received numerous emails about how finding that blog, and that honest, brutal, no holds barred look at my experience, helped others cope with their own loss. &nbsp;I am blessed in multiple ways to have been given such a huge compliment. &nbsp;I never intended my blog to be anything other than something I could refer back to later in life, for memories' sake. &nbsp;Knowing that someone was able to find some sort of comfort in my words is, without a doubt, an amazing honor.<br /><br />That being said, I fell off the blogging bandwagon for a while because I didn't feel I had anything to say. &nbsp;The truth is, I do. &nbsp;Because there's a ton of other things in life that are sugar coated and not discussed, and if I brought light to one, why not do it with others?<br /><br />So this will be moving into a no hold barred look at my life. &nbsp;Perhaps some of it will apply to you. &nbsp;Perhaps not. &nbsp;But I hope I can manage to bring a little bit of that peace of mind to more people with this new blog. &nbsp;I've moved because I no longer can stand the site of the babyoliverblog address. &nbsp;I'm still the same old me, though.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px !important;" /></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-42390433313033904092012-05-18T05:54:00.000-07:002012-05-18T05:54:28.109-07:00Well played sir, well played indeed.I find it funny that the only time I seemed to stick to blogging was back when horrible, awful things were happening to me. &nbsp;As though in order to be interesting, I had to have some epic story.<br /><br />Anyways... &nbsp;I've picked up a second job DJing karaoke for a local bar on Friday nights, and I start tonight. &nbsp;This ought to be interesting... the chick who sticks to a deadpan voice, and hates people, trying to be upbeat and chipper, keep a drunk crowd happy and entertained.... &nbsp;I'm thinking lighting myself on fire might be a backup plan for when they get out of control. &nbsp;Thoughts?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-9251423629611148352012-05-17T10:42:00.000-07:002012-05-17T10:42:51.111-07:00An interesting thought....Thought provoking conversation about&nbsp;politics&nbsp;and world affairs this morning with a few coworkers. &nbsp;Funny, they all said, wow, Jamie, I wouldn't have taken you for a politically opinionated person.<br /><br />I'm not. &nbsp;In fact, I know next to nothing about any of the candidates. &nbsp;I refuse to discuss it mostly because I don't want to appear uneducated. <br /><br />Then again, this is the same group who, 5 minutes later, was having their own little sing along of "Jerry Was a Racecar Driver" by Primus, so I really doubt they would have called me out on the holes in my&nbsp;knowledge&nbsp;of Mitt Romney.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-51643597500328058352012-05-16T18:40:00.000-07:002012-05-16T18:40:06.848-07:00So here we are again....Seems like I do this a lot.... &nbsp;skip out on posting. &nbsp;I sometimes feel like I have nothing to say that anyone would want to hear. &nbsp;Sad, isn't it? &nbsp;That we can let ourselves get to a point where we feel our words are insignificant.<br /><br />I stepped up today and said no more. &nbsp;I expressed my concerns to someone I didn't think was seeing exactly what he was doing to me.<br /><br />Of course, that blew up in my face when he seemed to not care at all.<br /><br />Dating, it seems, is a bad choice for me. &nbsp;11 months to the day since I asked Will to leave and where am I? &nbsp;No better off. &nbsp;No worse off, that's for sure, but... when is it my turn?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-41773060891483475762011-11-07T15:38:00.000-08:002011-11-07T15:38:11.781-08:00Wanna hug me?I've noticed, lately, that there is an extreme lack of physical contact in my life. Being on the road so much, you don't see many people you know well enough to touch. And in talking with a friend tonight, it really dawned on me how much I miss that. You don't really realize how much you miss physical contact, until you don't have it. And I'm not talking anything intimate. Just a hug, an arm around you, a touch to the shoulder as you're talking. Sadly, I go without that so much that I'm noticing I am very hyper aware of when it DOES happen, and I get somewhat weirded out by it. <br><br>My confession for the day? I really would just like to cuddle on the couch with someone and watch a movie. That's all. Just to feel cared for. I know there are tons of people who do care, I have such a kick ass group of friends and family, but just would be nice to lay on someone's chest and feel like, for a little while, I am NOT the one in charge of everything. <br><br>Interesting, how I left my husband, in part because I was tired of being mommy, of being the strong one all the time, of being in charge of everything, and yet in doing so, resigned myself to a life of... the same.<br><br><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="border: 0 !important; background: transparent;"/></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-44643378380856437792011-10-12T05:47:00.000-07:002011-10-12T05:47:33.166-07:00Seriously?Why is it hardest to take your own advice? <br><br>And why is it when you already KNOW your problem, it's still hard to man up and fix it? <br><br>I feel somewhat discombobulated lately. My heads in a weird place, and I've been ultra crabby the last few days. I feel bad for my roommates, who have to deal with me. I don't think I'm a particularly pleasant person to be around. I also feel bad for the new guy at work that I'm trying to help train - I think I've been snapping at him a bit too much. <br><br>I just can't shake this feeling that I'm doing something wrong. I can't pinpoint where it's coming from, and I can't stop thinking about it. I'm driving myself nuts. <br><br>Would isolating myself alone in my room for a few days be a bit excessive? <br><br><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="border: 0 !important; background: transparent;"/></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-45145126444916317082011-10-07T05:38:00.000-07:002011-10-07T05:38:22.296-07:00Time to say goodbye....I'm rather contemplative lately, but more at peace than I have been in a long time. I've noticed in the last few weeks that something's changed within me, and I really am a much happier, and calm, person. I just wish I could pinpoint what it was. <br><br>Actually, I can pinpoint it. It was the weekend when I finally got to just be ME. I wasn't the girl about to get divorced, I wasn't the sounding board for pointless drama. I got to be me, enjoy myself and my company, and have some fun adventures, and start to remember who I was before I dropped it all to become caretaker, accountant, cook and maid. <br><br>Since then, I've been making time to see people I haven't seen in a long time, and trying to work on bringing out that good side of me. I'm not perfect, I never will be, and I will always have my days. But for the first time, in a LONG time, I am absolutely sure that I'm going to be alright. <br><br>So, time to say goodbye to the old, boring, sad, me. And hello to the me that's been hiding in there all along. <br><br>In other news... Halloween is coming up quick. I LOVE this time of year. I've got a bunch of fun fall plans lined up, and I can't wait! <br><br><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="border: 0 !important; background: transparent;"/></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-26225026664775229202011-09-22T22:21:00.000-07:002011-09-22T22:21:11.796-07:00Just have to say...I am glad to be home. :) <br><br><a href="http://jamieleigh80.blogspot.com">Blog Link</a><br><br><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="border: 0 !important; background: transparent;"/></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-5906404740437689302011-09-21T14:53:00.000-07:002011-09-21T14:53:53.417-07:00Halloween costumes, and the art of building a taco.I used to love Halloween. <br><br>Then I started working in the haunt industry. <br><br>Don't get me wrong, I still love it. I love the weather that fall brings, I love the idea (though this doesn't ring quite as true anymore) that you could wander around your neighborhood, getting free candy yes, but more than that, socializing with your neighbors. I love caramel apples. I really love caramel apples. (Did I mention, I LOVE caramel apples??) <br><br>What I DON'T love is the unoriginality, these days. What happened to making your own costume? What happened to creativity, as opposed to seeing how much skin you can legally show? I think that's part of what I loved about working a haunt. You made your costume (or pulled it from a pile of dirty, smelly, hand me down costumes... yeah, TOTALLY made mine....), you made your character, you took pride in what you were doing. What happened to all that? <br><br>Now, being the hypocrite I am, if I need to do any dressing up this year, yep, I'll either wear a costume I already have, or go buy one. But I think I'm more thinking in terms of kids... when did we stop encouraging creativity? I mean, really. Does everything have to be so pre-packaged?? <br><br>That's my rant of the day. <br><br>On the flip side... I got tacos for dinner today, and can someone please explain to me why Taco Bell insists upon putting the cheese on TOP of the lettuce? I dunno about you, but I prefer my cheese a bit melty, on my tacos. <br><br>That's my pointless bitching, for today. <br><br>Now, time to pack, as I will be HOME IN 23 HOURS. Not that I'm counting or anything. <br><br><a href="http://jamieleigh80.blogspot.com">Click here to read the rest of my blog posts, or subscribe.</a><br><br><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="border: 0 !important; background: transparent;"/></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-22156068207948189122011-09-21T04:16:00.000-07:002011-09-21T04:28:48.949-07:0010 Days and Counting....I love my job. I get to travel, I see new places, meet a lot of interesting people... but at day #10 on the road, it can get a bit frustrating. <br><br>Living out of a suitcase makes you feel very disconnected from the world... almost like you have no home. I feel like sometimes, while I'm on the road, I call/text my friends almost too often... but I feel a bit lost without that. I know what I have waiting for me at home, but still, when you wake up every morning and select your clothes from a possible 4 choices, do laundry in a hotel laundry room, run out of an item and have to make a big trip to replace it, it's frustrating. I spend a lot of time alone - a LOT, and while most of the time I like it, sometimes, it's a bad opportunity for TOO MUCH thinking, too much time to over-analyze things. (And lord knows, I do enough of this already.) <br><br>So when I whine and complain about work, get frustrated, freak out over things that I normally wouldn't, remember, not only am I having a bad day, but I'm doing it 800 miles away from anyone who loves me. There is no option for me to just call a friend and meet for coffee to vent, get a hug, have a laugh. And just KNOWING that fact off the bat seems to amplify my panic. There's been some concern expressed lately that maybe I'm losing it a bit too much, but honestly, if this crap would happen while I was close to home, I don't know that it would be so bad. I am very much a social creature, and while I might be a bit closed off at times about sharing my feelings, just being AROUND my friends when I've got something on my mind fixes it for me. <br><br>That being said... I miss y'all, terribly. And my cats. And home-cooked meals. Home in 36 hours. THANK GOODNESS! <br><br><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="border: 0 !important; background: transparent;"/></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-52428956265292513692011-09-20T17:54:00.000-07:002011-09-20T17:54:22.433-07:00It was a bad day.....Without going into detail, today was just BAD. Not only did things go wrong, and plans get changed (and not for the better), but I seriously let it get to me hardcore, and started to freak out majorly. I really think it might be time to sit back and take stock of what's important. As usual, I am taking on WAAAAAY too much, and wondering why I start to lose my mind. And sadly, it takes a friend pointing this fact out for me to really consider my own sanity and well being, over worrying about work, or people who don't deserve to be worried over. <br><br>How do I find the right balance between being a good person, taking care of things that fall on my shoulders, and still stay true to me, take care of me? That's what I'm trying to figure out. <br><br>On a more positive note, I've become involved in a new project that makes me extremely happy, and involves some of my favorite things. But, what it actually IS will have to stay quiet for now. All I can say is, it's RIGHT up my alley. <br><br>Also, I'm seriously craving a dang cupcake. <br><br>Subscribing to <a href="http://jamieleigh80.blogspot.com">my blog</a> would be a good idea. Just sayin. <br><br><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="border: 0 !important; background: transparent;"/></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712060125428247107.post-42478337162666522942011-09-19T13:46:00.000-07:002011-09-19T16:34:04.215-07:00Today's thoughts.... (subscribing to http://jamieleigh80.blogspot.com would benefit you. Just sayin.) <br><br>Being a girl sucks ass. Without going into detail, lets just say that I've spent some time today doing girl maintenance, and I realized that if you menfolk weren't so picky about some stuff... I wouldn't have spent a couple of hours primping myself into an acceptable level. Just saying. <br><br>I'm pretty sure New Jersey is just about the smelliest state in the country. <br><br>Dinner always tastes better when it is delivered, and not cooked by me. It could be a can of Chef Boyardee, but if you throw it in a takeout container, and hand it to me at my hotel room door, I am in heaven. <br><br>What? I never promised these were DEEP thoughts. It's my blog... I'll be petty and vapid if I want to. <br><br><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/79/EB30C08B8D054A372D7D15D988A70067.png" style="border: 0 !important; background: transparent;"/></a>Jamie Leighnoreply@blogger.com0