I Cheated On My Boyfriend But Still Love Him: What Should I Do?

Did you cheat on your boyfriend? Are you sitting and thinking “I cheated on my boyfriend even though I love him” and wondering what to do?

Situations like this one happen quite often. As challenging as they may be, it’s important to work through them strategically.

We’ve all been in tricky situations, so I wanted to help you out. I’ve written about this topic so that you know exactly what to do and how to do it. This will be beneficial so that you can tell your boyfriend what happened and then you can figure out how to fix it.

Why Might You Have Cheated on Your Boyfriend?

In many cases, people cheat as a way to get more attention when their boyfriend isn’t giving them enough.

If your boyfriend has ever cheated on you, you might decide to cheat on him to get revenge or to make him feel bad.

As you work through your cheating situation, you should try to determine the reasons that you decided to cheat. This can help you to work through the problems you may be having with your boyfriend.

One of the reasons you might have cheated could be that there were relationship issues and you needed some attention or to feel loved. If so, you should address these issues with your boyfriend so that cheating doesn’t happen again.

Cheating is easier than ever because of technology and dating apps. You might have been tempted by the simplicity of cheating, but you didn’t give the consequences any thought. It might have looked good until you actually did it.

Try to figure out why you cheated and make sure you get your story straight. It will be helpful in the long run.

​How Can You Love Someone But Still Cheat on Him?

This is a tricky question to address. It really comes down to the reason that you decided to cheat. It can also do with a lack of consideration for the other person. You were likely only thinking of yourself and your needs in that situation.

As mentioned before, there is no single reason that people choose to cheat on their boyfriends and girlfriends. There could even be a combination of reasons for one person.

There is usually something going on in a relationship that doesn’t affect the love that is there but does affect the interaction between the two people. For example, if your boyfriend is busier than usual, you might seek attention elsewhere.

It’s important to note that loving someone and staying faithful are not directly related. People hurt the ones they love all the time, unfortunately.

It doesn’t make a lot of sense, but it definitely happens. It doesn’t necessarily mean you love them any less, but it could be a sign of other relationship problems.

​Who Should You Ask for Advice from?

Proceed with caution when you ask for advice. You probably don’t feel like spilling all of the details to your friends because of how they might react.

If you have one close friend that you trust, you might want to talk to them about the situation. It’s natural to feel ashamed or embarrassed as you explain what happened. Just try to hold it together.

You should be careful with what you say. You don’t want your friends to tell a bunch of other people what happened or to tell your boyfriend before you get a chance to talk to him.

You can look online for an anonymous advice chat. You can receive advice and tips without giving away your identity. Some of these may cost money, but they usually aren’t too expensive and should be worth it in this situation.

It’s not bad to ask your friends for advice. Just make sure you aren’t making things worse for your relationship.

​How Soon Should You Tell Your Boyfriend You Cheated on Him?

It’s in your best interest to let your boyfriend know about the situation as soon as possible. If you hide it for too long, he’s going to be even more upset.

If necessary, you can take a little bit of time to figure out how you’re going to tell him what happened. This is a big deal and shouldn’t be taken lightly. You want to make sure that you do it right and say what you need to say.

The sooner you tell your boyfriend the better it will be. This doesn’t mean you need to tell him the second it happens, which may be helpful, but you should tell him within a few days if possible.

Imagine if you found out months later that your boyfriend cheated on you and never came forward about it. You would be pretty upset and hurt.

In a way, cheating and then hiding it for a while is twice as bad. It’s two lies and that can be a big deal in a relationship. To avoid further trust issues, be honest and tell him what happened soon.

​How to Tell Your Boyfriend You Cheated on Him

There’s not really a great way to tell your boyfriend you cheated on him. It’s not something that anyone wants to hear.

Since you still love him, you should put an emphasis on this. Don’t overdo it and make it seem like you’re just trying to win him over, but let him know that you do still care about him and want to be with him.

You should simply explain that you were unfaithful. Stay as calm as possible so that it doesn’t turn into a fight right away.

Be understanding of his reaction. He was just told that his girlfriend cheated on him, so he’s not likely going to take it very well. Staying relaxed can help to ease some of the tension.

As mentioned earlier, there are many reasons why people cheat. If you have a reason that has to do with something your boyfriend did, you should speak lightly about it. Don’t yell or accuse him. It’s not effective and it will make the situation more intense.

Next, I’ll help you figure out how much detail to include as you talk to your boyfriend.

​How Much Detail Should You Give Your Boyfriend?

When you’re explaining to your boyfriend that you cheated on him, you should only give him as many details as he asks for.

At the same time, you want to make sure you’re open and honest with him. If you seem bothered by all of his questions, he’s going to assume you’re hiding something from him.

You should start with the basics. Let him know when it happened, who it was with, and where—and whether it was over the phone or in person.

Beyond that, let him ask the questions. If he wants to know something, he should have the freedom to know.

Your goal isn’t to upset your boyfriend by telling him everything he’s asking about. You want to be honest with him so that he can learn to trust you again.

When you and your boyfriend start talking, let him know that you are there to answer any questions he might have for you. Tell him that you won’t hide anything and that you will be truthful in your responses.

​Why You Shouldn’t Keep It a Secret

You might be thinking it would just be easier to keep this from him. It may seem like a good idea. Girls often don’t realize how quickly their boyfriends may find out about the cheating incident.

All it takes is for somebody else to have been at the same party where you cheated on your boyfriend. They could have seen something happen.

Many witnesses of cheating are willing to tell the person who is being cheated on what happened. This means that if anyone else saw you with another guy, you might be turned in.

Even if you cheated via text or a dating app, your boyfriend might find out. Perhaps you cheated on him with his friend that you don’t know about. Maybe your boyfriend saw some of your messages.

The possibilities are endless. If your boyfriend doesn’t find out somehow, you will still be living with guilt for the duration of the relationship. He might eventually realize you’re hiding something.

You don’t want to start your relationship off with a bunch of infidelity and secret-keeping. Being upfront about this is painful, but it will be worse if your boyfriend never finds out.

​What Might Happen When You Tell Your Boyfriend You Cheated On Him?

Your boyfriend will be feeling a lot of different emotions when you tell him you cheated on him. Some of these will include anger, hurt, and confusion.

He might yell at you or he might sit completely still and silent.

Every human copes with their emotions differently. There’s no telling exactly how your boyfriend will react, but it’s good to be aware of the possibilities.

Try to run through some possible reactions in your head before you talk to him. What will you say when he begins yelling? What should you do if he cries?

Your boyfriend may choose to take some time away and get some space. This could last 10 minutes or a couple of days. It’s important to give him the room he needs to process what he’s just found out about.

Throughout this time, you really just need to be supportive. Offer to talk about it or be with him, but understand that he might just need to be alone. This will be a weird situation temporarily, but the two of you will work it out.

​How Will Your Boyfriend Feel About You Cheating On Him?

It’s easy to say that your boyfriend will not be happy with you. It’s essential that you tell him and be honest with him. You do need to be aware of his feelings though.

If your boyfriend seems like he’s overwhelmed and not processing the information well, step back and comfort him. When he’s upset, you shouldn’t continue sharing the details of your infidelity.

Your boyfriend might get mad or yell. These are natural human reactions, so it’s best to just them happen.

To help you know what to say, think of a handful of things that you think you should tell him. Then, put yourself in his shoes. What would you want to know? How much detail would you want to know?

Note that these answers can vary by person, so you need to think of your boyfriend specifically, not yourself. He may have been cheated on in the past. Maybe he felt really strongly that the relationship was going to work out.

Be prepared for a bunch of different emotions from your boyfriend. He will likely take the news pretty hard and may not know what to think. This is all natural and it’s unavoidable.

​What Should You Do If Your Boyfriend Wants to Break Up with You?

Breaking up is a common result of cheating. If your boyfriend wants to break up with you, you have a couple of options.

First, you can try to talk about the issue and come to an agreement about how to handle it. This doesn’t always work, especially after your boyfriend has made up his mind.

Second, you can just accept it. This is hard to do, but there’s not always a lot you can do about it.

Third, you can try to come to an agreement. Maybe you could take a month-long break to work through some emotions.

If your boyfriend wants to break up with you because of a cheating incident, there might not be anything that you can do. You made a mistake and he doesn’t have any obligation to stay with you. You didn’t stay faithful to him.

The breakup may be unavoidable as a consequence of your mistakes. At some point, there’s nothing you can do but accept it.

​What Should You Do If Your Boyfriend Is Mad at You?

It’s inevitable that your boyfriend will be at least a little upset about the whole situation. Many guys will react strongly and will probably be angry.

Since you were the one who cheated, it’s your responsibility to help make him feel better and to help him work through his emotions. Plus, this is something that a good, supportive girlfriend does anyway.

You should make sure that you have apologized to your boyfriend for your mistake. Explain that you still love him and that you’re willing to work with him to make the relationship as good as new.

At the same time, be understanding that this may not be possible. Still, you should show him that you’re ready to make an effort and do a better job.

You should also remind him that his feelings are valid. Sometimes, guys are afraid to show their emotions and might feel like they’re overreacting.

Give him space if he needs it, but be prepared to listen to him vent. He may say some hurtful things in the moment, but it’s essential to him coping with the situation.

If your boyfriend’s anger becomes violent, get to a safe place and call someone to help you immediately.

​How Can You Regain Your Boyfriend’s Trust?

Now, there’s a pretty big chance that your boyfriend will be angry and might even break up with you over this. Depending on the relationship and the people in it, there could be a number of different reactions.

You might get lucky though and end up with another chance. This doesn’t always happen, so don’t get your hopes up too high. Just know that it might be a possibility.

If your boyfriend does give you another chance, you need to be extra cautious about the decisions you make in your relationship going forward. For example, it might not be a good idea to start texting other guys immediately after the incident.

As harsh as it may sound, your boyfriend doesn’t have a good reason to trust you after what just happened.

With some good effort, you should be able to earn his trust back. You can do this by showing him that he doesn’t have a reason to worry anymore.

​Be open with your boyfriend. Perhaps you can share your phone password with him until he trusts you again. You could even have regular talks about how you’re feeling to make sure that everything is going well in the relationship to avoid future cheating.

​Conclusion

If you cheated on your boyfriend, you need to be up front and honest with him about it. This will be terrifying, but it’s necessary. If you don’t do this, there will be issues in your relationship later on.

If you still love your boyfriend and want to make the relationship work, be prepared to put in some effort. It won’t be easy to regain his trust. Of course, it will be worth it if you can work through your issues together.

Aubrey Meister

I’m a college student with several years of dating experience. I enjoy researching relationship and communication skills to improve my own relationships and the relationships of others as well. As a college student, I have spent time offering advice to friends as needed.

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Hey There, I'm Sonya Schwartz

Hey there, I'm Sonya Schwartz and welcome to Her Aspiration.

My goal for Her Aspiration is for it be a source of source of actionable relationship and dating advice that is geared towards women, with the aim of positively impacting these aspects of their lives.