I can’t be the only one with the voices, right? I mean, I’m not saying they’re telling me horrible things to do – like drink a case of beer or smoke a cigar while standing on my balcony in the nude on a rainy day like today – but just giving me pause. Sometimes they’ll give me direction. Other times they’ll just annoy the hell out of me for something I did wrong.

I’ve heard people give these voices varying descriptions besides the voice of God. Such as:

intuition – this is knowing you shouldn’t be out at 3 am ordering a cheeseburger from Jimmy’s and pulling out a stack of fit’ties to pay the tab,

the Devil – yeah, he might have a stranglehold on your thoughts but I’m sure he didn’t actually commit the crime…although, that Omen movie might be real ,

your sub-conscious – this is like that experience from the DiCaprio movie Inception except you know it’s not real but it feels real and you actually think it’s real (is this even real??),

your Ex – okay, not everyone compares the voices to an Ex but you somehow still feel the nagging sound effects of the arguments you once had,

your mother – not sure if this is an actual experience or more of a commentator role…but to each his or her own,

These are just a few versions of the voices in my head (and others according to today’s modern therapist). You might have other owners for your voices and that’s okay. Just own them for yourself, and don’t let them lead you astray. And be thankful that you can talk about the voices because 2000 years ago you would have been stoned for bringing this subject to light. Alas, I feel brave enough to have tackled the hard and controversial subjects affecting our society.

In the meantime, try attaching a narrator with a pleasant or appropriate sound to your voices. There are plenty of them out there (Morgan, James Earl Jones, Samuel L Jackson – hm, I sense a trend in my voice narration selection…) that will fit the bill. Because, if you gotta listen to the K-FUC radio in your head it might as well be soothing (until you figure out how to turn it off).