A secret

20.47 CET, June 1, 1999

Well, i guess i should have known. I was the very first to do the poll, and even i voted for a secret. I've just checked again (20.51 CET) and 'A secret' is still in the lead with 44%, a total of 106 votes. It's time to face up to it!It's not the biggest secret in the world, but i've always been embarrased about it, even though i've defiantly told friends about it. Ever since 1985 i've had a crush on Green Gartside, the singer/songwriter of Scritti Politti. Not just some crush, but mindmelting love! Huge, monumental, blind devotion. Every bit of me has tried to reason it away. It's silly, pathetic, sad. It's also one of the main driving forces behind this whole website (and the work i used to make at artschool). The T-shirt i wear with pride on the right in this picture is the one i won last year for getting all 40 questions right in the Scritti popquiz in the Scritti fanzine (yeah, 1998!). So its a mixed blessing/curse. I never consciously intended to cultivate this obsession, it's the part of me which adores stories, fairytales, wonder and deathdefying resolutions which i've got to deal with. These little drawings tell the whole story. I made them one evening in 1986. They just seemed to flow out of the pen. It's a story of liberation, commitment, magic, fighting and love. In that week i heard The Sweetest Girl for the first time, threw the I Ching and got number 13, with a changing line on the fifth place. "After great struggles they meet." You know what? I stil believe that. By half.