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Tips for talking to children about war
Create a time and place for children to ask their questions. Don't force children to talk about things until they are ready.
Use words and concepts your child can understand. Make your explanation appropriate to your child's age and level of understanding. Don't overload a child with too much information.
Give children honest answers and information. Children will usually know when you're not being truthful.
Be prepared to repeat explanations or have several conversations. Some information may be hard to accept or understand.
Avoid stereotyping groups of people by race, nationality or religion. Use the opportunity to teach tolerance and explain prejudice.
Acknowledge and support your child's thoughts, feelings and reactions.
Let your child know that you think their questions and concerns are important.
Source: American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

Petitti's son is a fifth-grader at Frenchtown Elementary School in Trumbull, and he is bracing himself for questions about this major news event.

"I'm sure my son will ask because he watches the news," he said. "My kid is very worrisome. We'll talk about this as a family."

Rosileene Nazareth, another Frenchtown parent, said her children, aged 8 and 11, don't know about bin Laden's demise or the media frenzy that has followed, but they, too, might become aware of it as more information comes out. She said she hasn't thought about what she'll say when that moment comes, but knows it's something she'll have to address.

As President Barack Obama grappled with whether to release photos of bin Laden's bloody body, (he decided against it) parents grappled with their own question: How do we explain this to our children? How do we explain that crowds of people were celebrating in Times Square about his death? How do we explain what bin Laden did without scaring our children? How do we talk about hate and killing when we try to tell our children never to hate and certainly not kill?

Experts said the answer depends largely on a child's age and maturity level. If a child is 6 years old or younger, there's no need to discuss bin Laden's death unless the child brings it up first, said Judy Primavera, professor of psychology at Fairfield University. Children that age still often believe in concepts like the Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus and likely wouldn't be able to handle topics as disturbing and complicated as 9/11 or terrorism, she said.

Primavera also questioned the wisdom of bringing up the subject with older children.

"Unless you're the kind of parent who sits down with a newspaper every day and talks to children about current events all the time, why talk about this?" she said. "There are so many other, better things to talk about."

Dr. Louis Kraus, director of child and adolescent psychiatry at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago, agreed that young children particularly should be protected from television and other media coverage of bin Laden's death. Kraus said elementary school children have a hard time processing abstract concepts.

"Children don't even fully conceptualize death until about age 8," said Kraus, who is a member of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. "My general feeling is that this is something you really should try to shield them from as a parent."

But if your child glimpses a TV or newspaper story on bin Laden, or hears about his death from others and starts to ask questions, Primavera said tact and simplicity are the way to go.

"How a parent approaches this is not unlike how they would approach any other sensitive question, like `Where did my little sister come from?' or `Why did Grandma have to die?' " she said. "You have to say what children are capable of understanding."

Primavera said it's best to describe the situation in the simplest terms possible -- maybe that bin Laden was involved in something bad that caused some people to die -- and to use the situation to help teach the importance of tolerance.

"They don't have to focus on the horror," Primavera said. "They can say, `This happened because different people think different things. And isn't it too bad that they can't resolve things peacefully?' "

Kraus recommends an even simpler explanation.

"You want to keep your answer brief," he said. "Maybe just say `This was a bad person. They tried to arrest him and he died in the process.' "

With older children, he said, you can offer more details about bin Laden or 9/11, but still try to be as matter-of-fact as possible.

"You don't want to glamorize this," Kraus said.

No matter the age, your best bet is probably to take your cues from them, said the Rev. Nancy Anderson, director of spiritual care and education at Bridgeport Hospital. "My rule of thumb for talking to any child about grief is to wait for them to ask about it, and answer specifically the questions they're asking," she said. "Let them set the agenda."

The good news is, there's a chance that your child won't even broach the topic. Frenchtown principal Jacqueline Norcel said no students at the school have brought up bin Laden's death, as far as she knows, and the school hasn't formally addressed it. It's somewhat unusual for the students, particularly the older ones, not to ask questions about an event of world importance.

"With the (earthquake in) Japan, there were a lot of questions that we had to deal with," she said.

Students asked about the royal wedding that took place in England on Friday morning, she said. She's not sure why they haven't asked about bin Laden.