That Time I Went Bull-Riding

One day, when I was driving through Red River, New Mexico, I stopped at this little cafe for some lunch.

It was by far the most frightening restaurant I’ve ever eaten at

though no one else seemed bothered by all the dead animals on the wall

Not only did I get the feeling the owners weren’t animal lovers, they didn’t seem to care all that much for women either

On my way out the back door, I discovered this place was also a crazy adventure land

The owner bet me a hundred bucks I couldn’t make it up his fake climbing wall

I told him not only would I do it, I’d do it barefoot.

I could tolerate his comments about my ass, but when he said this wall was almost as big as his penis, I decided to come down

Just as I was about to storm off, I saw this sign. I LOVE bull-riding!

The cowboy bet me a hundred bucks I couldn’t ride “Pepe” the bull without falling off. Little did he know, I’ve got some riding experience under my belt.

Like that time I rode a Jackalope in Wall Drug, SD

or that crazy bull at the Testicle Festival in Montana

After I agreed to his challenge, he made me sign some long-ass waiver about not being able to sue him for anything, including sexual harassment.

Then he gave me a leather Michael Jackson glove for good luck

I tried to make friends with the bull, out of respect

but I couldn’t help but laugh at the fact he was made without a wee-wee.

Once I mounted the bull, I asked the cowboy if he had any tips about riding bulls. “Well, just pretend like he’s your boyfriend there cowgirl.”

Dealing with this guy was worse than riding a bull in a bar surrounded by a bunch of drunk dudes. He even cupped one of my boobs when I was praying for the bull to not kill me

At first, riding this bull was cake.

but then he turned it up on high and I started to lose my grip.

Then kaboom. I fell off.

I’ve never fallen off a bull before. Let me tell ya, it was AWESOME.

What’s even more awesome is the fact the cowboy gave me my hundred bucks anyways. Now we’re besties.

The coolest part about it all is I now have this to show for it

In case you didn’t catch on, most of this story is made up. The cowboy was not a perve at all. In fact, he was one of the coolest cowboys I’ve ever met. If you’re ever in Red River, go to his place and spends lots and lots of money.