Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

Sharing custody of the guilt?

According to spouse, I am the reason for the divorce. Granted, all the actions that have easily contributed to this divorce can be placed readily at my feet. I have been the martyr for this relationship since day 1.

Now then, when I talk about this to other people, they all give me the same adage that it takes two for a divorce to occur. I look at the history of our relationship, and I do not know if it is the enormity of my sins that are blocking the view, but I am having a slight problem in seeing how she helped contribute in a huge and underhanded way to the divorce.

I just want to know if there are people out there who are being told that they are the reason for the divorce and wonder where the parity and equality is when it comes to taking responsibility for it. I feel like I am (at least in spouse's eyes, kid's eyes, in-law eyes) saddled with the sole responsibility of this, but I keep thinking, you know, shouldn't we at least examine the possibility that we both had a hand in this?

SC-We are all imperfect. No, I don't believe in sharing the guilt especially if you are willing to own up to your wrongs and move forward.

A marriage is a blessing, commitment, and hell all rolled up into one. The greatest things in life are hard to acheive and takes a constant effort.

All I can say is own up to your part and make ammends the best way you can and move forward. I do not believe that any or all things can't be reconciled. BUT, and a HUGE BUT, you can only do what you can do!

You could examine the possibility that you both had a hand in the divorce, but you may only be seeking to relieve your own guilt. The only reason &quot;it takes two for a divorce to occur&quot; is because two people are married.

We all have a skewed perspective of our role in marital issues - the good and the bad. I like to think that I did all I could to stay committed. But I freely admit that I am not perfect and share responsibility for the failure.

In my case I was walked out on there was no this is what the issues are or any thing like that. I don't feel blameless in all this but I was not the one who left. At first I was willing to give it one more try but stbx made up what little mind is left and that was that. It is a little harder to take on blame for any thing when you have no choice. I was dumb, I was waiting for stbx to make changes and they never happened but I didn't bother to make changes in my life to at least make me happy.

To me it is more than about actions. It is about intentions. Some do nothing and contribute just as much to the ending as the person who everyone points to because &quot;he did this&quot; or &quot;said that&quot;. A lot of spouses allow the actions of their partner to open the door that they wanted to walk out of anyway. What did they do? Just waited for the right moment and had a strong desire to be right not happy.

I guess it all boils down to sins of omission versus sins of commission. Still does not take the ede off of wanting to get back with spouse so immeadiate pain will go away. Thanks for the info, I really appreciate it.

I took full responsibility and even had so much guilt about it that I gave her everything. Little did I know that she would fucking back stab me and take the few items I asked to have that she agreed on. I plan on burning those items in my driveway before I let her walk away with my shit.

Ya'll give good advice. LE and MMMMIchelle, I have heard that before and it is good to hear it from someone outside my circle of strife. In fact, got into a disagreement with people because they feel that I am laying down during this proceeding. I feel like I do not have much authority in the matter, but oh well. I have been burnt by spouse, and in my own way, I have reciprocated. I feel sick over the whole situation.

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