Spirit of Christmas Past still banging on about that Christmas party in your 20's when you broke the photocopier

A miser repeatedly visited by three ghosts on Christmas Eve has complained that their stories are always the same.

Fiona Trumpington Rees Mog, 53, has been visited by the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Christmas Present and Christmas Yet To Come every year for five years, and is starting to get bored of their witless prattling and repartee.

'For five years now,' she told us, 'they have visited me, and it is always the same stories. I snogged Gary from accounts, and broke the photocopier by using it to remember what my backside looked like. Then, the Ghost of Christmas Present comes and shows my hated, loathed work colleagues having a better time of it than I do, and then I die. Honestly, I am not going to change, so I just wish they would stop.'

The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come told us, in his surprisingly high-pitched voice 'Honestly, we really have given up with Fiona, but the look of anger and resignation on her face every Christmas Eve is a joy to behold.'

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