12.25.2011

So, after I posted that part about millennium continuity, I went back and started reading the previous parts.

Weeeeellllll...

I made some mistakes. I also noticed that I never elaborated on the actually splitting of the showa-heisei split timeline. I want to address that now. I'm going to start by giving a brief rundown of the relevant events that carry over into the heisei timeline, but start from the Showa one, and then work our way through each of the branching series of events.

-12,000: Mothra and the civilization that worships them are present in some form
1944: The Lagos Island Godzillasaurus saves a Japanese Garrison from an American naval fleet.
1954: Godzilla - confirmed mutation of Odo, Lagos, and a female Godzillasaurus. Odo Godzilla is killed by oxygen destroyer. Minilla's egg layed here. Angilosaurus on Iwato Island also affected. Adonoa Island's Pterasaur population is also affected, but in a mostly detrimental way. The last clutch of unmutated Godzillasaurus eggs were also laid there.
1955: Godzilla Raids Again
1962: Godzilla vs. King Kong
1964: Godzilla vs. Mothra, Ghidorah the Three Headed Monster
1965: Godzilla vs. Monster Zero
1966: Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster
1967: Son of Godzilla - mutations of already gigantic mantises, Kumonga has been living on Solgell all this time. Minilla's egg emits a magnetic field to call it's parents, and hatches 13 years later.
1971: Godzilla vs. Hedorah
1972: Godzilla vs. Gigan
197X: Godzilla vs. Megalon
1973: Zone Fighter
1974: Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla
1975: Terror of Mechagodzilla
1999: Destroy All Monsters (present here are Baragon, Manda, Gorosaurus, and Varan, who have origins not connected to Godzilla)

Put simply, that's the showa timeline, now let's look at Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah. That movie shows us that the timeline diverged in 1944, and, for the sake of Final Wars, it's better to assume that in most cases that's the only divergence, as some events will need to carry over for lack of any other explanation. However, instead of just going and putting up the whole heisei timeline, let's do something else.

Remember that cause happens before an effect. Arrow of time and all that. The future that Emi, M-1, and the racist Americans come from is NOT the future that follows the end of Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah. How the hell could it be? The events of the film are a result of the future presented at the end of Godzilla vs. Biollante, and Emi even tells us as much in the movie.

I realize some people have a really hard time thinking this way, so i'm gonna break it down as much as I can.

See, the Futurians are going back in time to alter the past, creating a new timeline where they replace Godzilla with a monster they can control. This means that, in future they leave to come back to 1992 in, everything that has already happened still happened (or else they couldn't time travel to it), and that their monster, King Ghidorah, has not yet been created.

However, we've got a bit of a snag here and the blame falls squarely on Omori's sloppy writing: if it's the timeline they went back into to change, it should mean that the Lagos Godzillasaurus has not yet been teleported, and they should be in the showa future, and not the heisei one.

There's still a way around this. Causes always happen before their affects. 1944 happens earlier than 1992. Go ahead and look it up, it's true. So one could easily say that by traveling back to 1992, their actions in 1944 already happened. But then they would still already have needed to happen for Emi's future to even exist, so it's still not a real explanation.

At any rate, here's what the timeline Emi originally came from looked like, direct changes in red.

-12,000: Mothra thwarts an invasion by Xiliens and Gigan, but dies in a drawed battle against Battra.
1944: The Lagos Island Godzillasaurus saves a Japanese Garrison from an American naval fleet. Emi, Miki, M-1, and others come back from 1992 and teleport the dinosaur to the bottom of the Bering Sea, where it stays in suspended animation.
1954: Godzilla - confirmed mutation of Odo, and a female Godzillasaurus. Odo Godzilla is killed by oxygen destroyer. Angilosaurus on Iwato Island also affected. Adonoa Island's Pterasaur population is also affected, but in a mostly detrimental way. The last clutch of unmutated Godzillasaurus eggs were also laid there.
1967: Gigantic mantises left untouched by humans, Kumonga has been living on Solgell all this time.
1974: Okinawa's stone guardian sleeps through an uneventful year.
1978: Russian nuclear sub sinks in the Bering Sea, mutating the second Godzilla.
1984: A volcanic eruption awakes the second Godzilla, Return of Godzilla
1989: Godzilla vs. Biollante - Godzilla never recovers from the A.N.E.B. and presumably dies
1990's: Without Godzilla around, and having invented a render nuclear weapons useless, Japan experiences an unprecedented economic boom, and in the decades to come, becomes the richest nation of Earth.
2032: Xiliens plan conquest of Earth with a monster army possibly including Anguirus, Manda, Zilla, Hedorah, Gigan, Ebirah, Kamacuras, and Kumonga. Mothra may have helped humanity. Keizer Ghidorah is their trump card, but the advanced technology of the future is able to thwart the aliens. Keizer Ghidorah's cells, and M base, are used to create telepathic, genetically engineered designer pets called Dorats.
2204: Eco-terrorist group E.U.O. steals the MOTHER time machine and loads up with three dorats, planning on sending them back in place of Godzilla to create a monster that can me controlled.

Yes, I added stuff. Thing is, though, i'm trying to fill in holes with things that make logical sense. Keep in mind that an altered final war scenario where Mothra and the Gotengo take down Keizer Ghidorah without Godzilla isn't canon or anything, but it would be a cool fanfic :P So yeah, lots of that are just fanwank designed to make the timelines more coterminous with each other.

So, the plan to erase Godzilla is a massive failure, and the futurians are actually responsible for creating the heisei Godzilla in the first place. Go figure. Their presence and the creation of King Ghidorah creates a new series of events, where Godzilla is purposefully revived to combat King Ghidorah. In this timeline, Godzilla is completely indestructable with current technology, and the future that Emi returns to in order to build Mecha-King Ghidorah is NOT the one she originally left. In this timeline, Glenchiko's bullshit story about Godzilla completely destroying Japan in his original hometime actually does happen. Let's look at what went down, with changes in blue this time:

-12,000: Mothra thwarts an invasion by Xiliens and Gigan, but dies in a drawed battle against Battra.
1944: The Lagos Island Godzillasaurus saves a Japanese Garrison from an American naval fleet. Emi, Miki, M-1, and others come back from 1992 and teleport the dinosaur to the bottom of the Bering Sea, where it stays in suspended animation. In it's place Emi lets three Dorats free.
1954: Godzilla - confirmed mutation of Odo, and a female Godzillasaurus. Odo Godzilla is killed by oxygen destroyer. Angilosaurus on Iwato Island also affected. Adonoa Island's Pterasaur population is also affected, but in a mostly detrimental way. The last clutch of unmutated Godzillasaurus eggs were also laid there. The Dorats fuse together and mutant into the significantly larger King Ghidorah, possibly as a result of the M base, but due to the peaceful nature of Dorats, it remains dormant for nearly 40 years.
1967: Gigantic mantises left untouched by humans, Kumonga has been living on Solgell all this time.
1974: Okinawa's stone guardian sleeps through an uneventful year.
1978: Russian nuclear sub sinks in the Bering Sea, mutating the second Godzilla.
1984: A volcanic eruption awakes the second Godzilla, Return of Godzilla
1989: Godzilla vs. Biollante
1992: Futurians from 2204 arrive with a plan to erase Godzilla from history. It turns out to be a trick to place King Ghidorah into the timeline and destroy Japan before it becomes too strong and mass produces the ANEB that crippled efforts to create a monster in their own time. However, Colonel Shindo, a survivor from the 1944 incident, revives Godzilla with a modern nuclear sub, increasing Godzilla's size and power allowing him to completely destroy King Ghidorah.
late 1990's: Godzilla has become far too powerful for any force on Earth to stop, and proceeds to turn all of Japan into a nuclear wasteland devoid of all life except some Shokilas and Godzilla himself.
2032: Xiliens plan conquest of Earth but Godzilla is just WAAAAAY too fucking much for them to handle. Keizer Ghidorah manages to die a quick and agonizing death. It's possible Godzilla had a meltdown at this point. Keizer Ghidorah's cells, and M base, are used to create telepathic, genetically engineered designer pets called Dorats.
2204: Emi time travels from 1992, asking to use the corpse of King Ghidorah to create a cyborg and send it back to 1992 in order to stop Godzilla from completely destroying all of Japan. She is successful, and Mecha-King Ghidorah time travels from here back to 1992.

So, I mentioned Godzilla's possible meltdown because fighting Keizer Ghidorah is a good place to do it, and Keizer Ghidorah HAS to die, and we know that in the 2204 where MKG is built, Godzilla has not been lauded as a hero or anything, so thwarting an alien invasion would need to be eclipsed by a direct consequence which does far greater damage.

So, finally MKG gets back to 1992, and manages to stop Godzilla and create a new timeline where Japan has access to fancy future tech. yay! This is the showa timeline proper, and it looks something like this (changes in green):

-12,000: Mothra thwarts an invasion by Xiliens and Gigan, but dies in a drawed battle against Battra.
1944: The Lagos Island Godzillasaurus saves a Japanese Garrison from an American naval fleet. Emi, Miki, M-1, and others come back from 1992 and teleport the dinosaur to the bottom of the Bering Sea, where it stays in suspended animation. In it's place Emi lets three Dorats free.
1954: Godzilla - confirmed mutation of Odo, and a female Godzillasaurus. Odo Godzilla is killed by oxygen destroyer. Angilosaurus on Iwato Island also affected. Adonoa Island's Pterasaur population is also affected, but in a mostly detrimental way. The last clutch of unmutated Godzillasaurus eggs were also laid there. The Dorats fuse together and mutant into the significantly larger King Ghidorah, possibly as a result of the M base, but due to the peaceful nature of Dorats, it remains dormant for nearly 40 years.
1967: Gigantic mantises left untouched by humans, Kumonga has been living on Solgell all this time.
1974: Okinawa's stone guardian sleeps through an uneventful year.
1978: Russian nuclear sub sinks in the Bering Sea, mutating the second Godzilla.
1984: A volcanic eruption awakes the second Godzilla, Return of Godzilla
1989: Godzilla vs. Biollante
1992: Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah
1993: Godzilla and Mothra
1994: Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II - Investigation on Adonoa Island yeilds an unmutated Godzillasaurus egg and draws the ire of one of (if there were more than one) the Rodans living there, who were not aware the egg is a nest parasite. The egg is the current Godzilla's second cousin.
1995: Godzilla vs. Space Godzilla
1996: Godzilla vs. Destroyah - Godzilla Jr. becomes the third Godzilla.
1997: Godzilla has a south seas adventure, meeting Anguirus and either a reconstituted or second Rodan, and the female Godzilla, with which he lays Minilla's egg.
1998: Okinawa is defended from Godzilla, who is clearly not as peaceful as he was when he was younger.
1999: The Gotengo is built and has a decisive battle with Godzilla, finally sealing the monster away in Antarctica.
2032: Godzilla: Final Wars - Keizer Ghidorah's cells, and M base, are used to create telepathic, genetically engineered designer pets called Dorats.
2204: Unknown, but this is the future Emi returns to after dropping Mecha-King Ghidorah in the past. There may not even be an E.U.O. in this future.

So that's that. The ever changing face of the heisei branching timeline. There was much unconfirmed guessing included, but it was only there to make events seem more hinged on the actions of the time travelers. I have no idea how the heisei Kumonga or Anguirus actually came to be, but these are my best guesses. I covered my attitude about this in the part dealing specifically with the ramifications of GFW on the rest of the heisei timeline.

UPDATE: Hey so I noticed this thing has been getting some attention recently, so I wanted to point out that some of the information presented here is out of date and I wasn't aware of certain information at the time I wrote this that sinks my fan theory pretty readily. While not on exactly the same subject, a new article I just finished covers exactly what that certain information along with some other stuff. So if you're as into Godzilla continuity as much as I am, you might find it pretty interesting, and more accurate than this old thing.

HAPPY DECEMBERWEEN! "Millennium" Godzilla helps ring in the season BECAUSE HE'S GREEN. Didn't look into this too much, but it said the tree was put up in Odaiba on the source I downloaded it from, so i'm guessing this is from christmas 2000.

I have a happy funtime Decemberween eve present for you while i'm sitting here at one in the morning being all scroogey. This isn't, I guess, the next part of the Godzilla continuity thing, as I think I mentioned something about the rebirth of mothra timeline and other heisei era things that don't fit in the heisei timeline, but I did finish up, for all practical purposes, the heisei timeline, since I covered Final Wars.

Just to make this as clear as I can about Final Wars, though: the Godzilla in GFW IS Junior. That's not a crackpot fan theory, it's a fact. It's not debatable. If you don't like it thenyoucangyyyyeeeeeetout. It is never verbally stated in the film, but it is shown through the editing. It is also the only possible existing timeline in which to place the action of the film.

And for those who like to put GFW in it's own disconnected continuity: you aren't really wrong either, as Kitamura did knock out all other references to the timeline in the film, but whatever fan-made timeline you choose to construct for it that is UN-supported, remember that it has to conclude with the coda of GvsD showing us the current Godzilla. If you can do that without making GFW a part of the heisei timeline, more power to you, because there are no other guidelines stated in the film. Me? I'm going with what both the movie and the man himself, Shogo Tomiyama, said. Word of God and all that.

But for this segment it's time we go back. Back to 1999. The world is a different place now. Power Rangers in space is ending and with it all the relevant seasons of said show (except maybe dino thunder). I still listened to the radio. "Alternative" rock was still a thing. Prince was quoted more than necessary. Smash Bros. changed the world for the better. Nostradamus was right. King Ghidorah returned. The world was swallowed in the grip of pain and misery as the great King of Terror destroyed all civilization. A meteor was headed straight for the Earth. We built a moon base with regular traffic to and from made possible by the moonlight SY-3. On Earth, all the world's monsters were gathered in the Ogasawara Islands in a government run sanctuary named "Monsterland." Godzilla, Anguirus, Rodan, Mothra... AND GOROSAURUS!!! The world lied in ruins, and GINO (the pre-official name for Zilla, for all you youngin's) was still fresh in our minds.

Remember in 1999 when Godzilla went to New York? No, not 1998, the year after that. The thing in 1998 wasn't Godzilla, that was something else. It didn't really have a name before 2004 though. We just called it "faggot." Just kidding, in the peaceful utopia of an Ishiro Honda-ian future, there are no more wars between countries, people cooperate, science brings people closer together, people are treated as equals regardless of sex, gender, age, nationality, race, or even the few religions that are allowed to survive, and mankind no longer calls each other faggots. Oh yeah, I forgot, Zilla isn't people, it's a faggot. =/

So GINO ruined everything. As a crotchety old man, I can actually remember the days between memorial day 1998 and august 2000. The pain and anger GINO caused has been sort of forgotten by the youth of today, much like the hooligans from the next film in the sokougeki timeline, GMK. People don't just tolerate Zilla as a seperate entity nowadays, they actually LIKE that faggot. Back in 1999, this was unthinkable, and saying that where the grand G-fan thoughtocracy could hear you resulted in a false trial before J.D. Lees before being sent to the elaborate beheading machine crafted from the bones of infidels.

It took Toho exactly no time at all to understand the level of incompetency they sunk to by allowing that abomination to be created. Originally planning a longer hibernation for big G, like 2004 or so, they sprung into action and fired back with an ACTUAL Godzilla movie. Godzilla 2000, which was both made and takes place in 1999.

Despite being directed by Takao Okawara, and still being a 90's Godzilla movie... and it still being the literal heisei era (it's not just a buzzword for G-fans, it actually refers to the era of the current Japanese emperor which started in 1989, or Heisei-1), this film broke continuity for the second time and decided to inaugurate a third, all NEW series of Godzilla films.

The decision for doing this is one I've never understood. First of all, there's Junior. Second, remember at the end of GvsD Junior actually becomes the new Godzilla. And finally, what the heck happened to junior?

Instead we get a film where Godzilla is green, there is absolutely no indication what films are included in this new timeline, if any, and Godzilla just sort of shows up, and he's a new size. Also, he's green.

It ain't easy being green, although he still LOOKS gray in most of G2K, and most of the greenery is in GXM. Honestly, the most troubling part about this is when idiots (like Geoff Darrow) start some shit about Godzilla being green, and you have to correct them, but then go back and make this weird exception. =/

So, while I remember hearing some buzz about the only movies in the timeline were the original Godzilla and Return of Godzilla, but that's obviously not the case because Godzilla is 55m tall in G2K. The movie itself makes NO references of any kind directly referencing past events, not even the original Godzilla. All we know is that Godzilla exists, and occasionally shows up on the Japanese mainland to wreck some shit.

The next year, we got Godzilla X Megaguiras, which I have heard from several folks is supposed to be yet ANOTHER continuity-less film. This, and the following film GMK, sort of set a precedent for the millennium "series" being completely standalone films with no references to each other or any other Godzilla or Toho monster flick.

Well, GMK sort of fucked that up, but we aren't there yet.

I don't ever remember reading any official press release or monster zero (back when that was still a thing) article directly stating that G2K and GXM take place in completely different timelines. The most official source I have that says that is toho kingdom, so right away that should be a red flag. The idea of a series of disconnected films that don't reference the rest of Godzilla canon was a neat idea, for sure, but around GMK it fell apart, and then with GXMG, GMM, and GFW, the notion that the millennium series avoided fitting into any timeline at all was just thrown right out the window.

But GMK, GXMG, GMM, and GFW already have established timelines and continuities. So where does that leave us with the nebulously placed first two millennium films?

Well shit, that's easy, they take place in the same timeline. =/

Let's face it, even if we would have gotten six truly unrelated films, they still would have taken place more or less in the year they were released, and if they stuck to the G2K/GXM formula and reference NONE of the previous movies at all, the natural decision would be to link them up. Without continuity references whatsoever, there's nothing to stop it, and they would be referred to as a group as the "millennium series" anwyas, so fuck it.

They even feature the exact same Godzilla.

So what can we tell about this one true millennium continuity? Not much, obviously, as no other movies fit into it, and any information about past events prior to the ones in the films is limited at best. Here's the entirety of what the millennium continuity tells us:

OMG Orga is the stupidest fucking monster ever. You don't EAT Godzilla. Moreover, if he actually puts his head in your damn mouth... like, that's not a red flag? How many animals crawl into predator's mouths? Honestly, dude, you already know the guy can shoot fucking radioactive beams, how did you think this would end?

-70,000,000: Millennean spaceship crash lands on Earth. Since it's a solar powered ship and it's nighttime, it goes into hibernation for a long ass time.

- between then and 1999 - Godzilla occasionally shows up. GPN and CCI are formed and take two different approaches to the whole issue.

1999: events of Godzilla 2000

aaaaaaand that's it. =/ Now, let's take a look at GXM:

WTF TOHO??? WHY IS HE GREEN???

approx. -320,000,000: A wormhole opens up from 2001, allowing a Meganeura egg to come through and become mutated by the effects of the radiation or something.

1954: Godzilla, looking exactly the same as he does in 1999, and presumably the same in every other way too, destroys Tokyo. The attack mirrors that of the first film, but the events of the first film do not actually take place. For one thing: GODZILLA DOESN'T DIE.

1966: The new capitol is moved to Osaka, and a new diet building is built there. Godzilla reappears after 12 years to feed on energy from the Tokai Nuclear Power Plant. Then runs off again. Nuclear energy is banned, and cleaner alternatives are pursued.

1996: A new type of energy called plasma energy is created in order to deal with the energy crisis the lack of nuclear power has created. Unfortunately, it's essentially the same thing as nuclear energy (omg the government lied to us! D:), and Godzilla comes back and is all "fuck your building" again.

2001: Between 1996 and now, an actual military unit called G-Graspers is formed. They attempt to do all of the things GPN and CCI do, tracking, studying, and attempting to eliminate Godzilla. The rest of Godzilla X Megaguiras occurs here.

We can see that while the GXM continuity is rather sparse and bare, it does establish a universe where the action takes place, like the fact that this is still the first Godzilla, the new capitol is Osaka, and we are told that Godzilla's appearances have been sporadic and, with him seemingly going after any new energy source Japan tries to find, Godzilla tracking and warning systems are probably more important than devising a way to kill him. After all, for over 40 years nothing anyone has ever done has made any sort of dent in the creature.

The two films still tell different, unconnected stories, but combining the two into one timeline gives us a clearer picture of a world where Godzilla's appearance is something that can't be predicted accurately and the problems he creates affect humans for more than simply just making up new mecha to fight him. Also, it's the same fucking Godzilla. Seriously.

the GMK timeline breaks tradition by having a clear continuity:
1954 Godzilla
1998 ZILLA
2001 Godzilla, Mothra, and King Ghidorah

Everything is as in the films, the only thing is that instead of the Showa/Heisei tradition of introducing a second Godzilla, this one is quite literally a Ghost Godzilla, being the body of the original completely regenerated from... idunevenknoe. I'm calling this the Sokougeki timeline. You folks at home can call it the Millennium-2 timeline if you like.

Godzilla's a zombie, Mothra doesn't have any fairies, and King Ghidorah is a GOOD GUY? This movie sucks balls. =/

After that, we get back to more normal references for two films in a row. GXMG and GMM fit into a very specific continuity which includes non-Godzilla films and shows both before and after. Essentially, the Millennium-3 timeline is the Showa timeline but without a second Godzilla. Well, for a while.

Toho Kingdom is nice enough to cite it's sources as far as this is concerned. This is good, because it means we don't have to rely on the dumb things they say, but can check the facts for ourselves.

This was the information provided in the GXMG book:

sorry if blogspot cuts this off. =/ You can view the full thing by right clicking, I believe.

This tells us about the kaiju who have appeared in GXMG canon. It doesn't give us much of a context for it, and I can't read Japanese, so this is pretty much what we have to go on. Just like in Godzilla X Megaguiras itself, the events of War of the Gargantuas and Mothra clearly happened in their entirety. Obviously, the original Godzilla happened as well, but with one itty bitty teensy weeny alteration: the skeleton of the original Godzilla didn't disintegrate. But you knew that. The vibe one would get from this is that the timeline of GXMG looks like this:

Just two things: one, Toho doesn't own King Kong, and you're sort of expected to imply his existence these days, Mechanikong is sort of taboo ever since 1991, and Toho doesn't seem to understand the novel, doctor, and monster Frankenstein are all in the public domain. Also, not all these movies took place the same year they were made:

Since we've established that GXM doesn't exactly follow G54 to a T, it's pretty clear showa-era continuity fudging is allowed. The showa era films were rarely consistent with each other, as I've already pointed out, so expecting them all to mesh so many decades later is just asking too much. Gorath is like the last one I haven't seen at this point, and I understand Gorath destroys our moon at some point. Hey, remember how DAM, which was both made after and takes place after Gorath, features a moon base prominently? Yeah, this is not the place to get uber nerdy. We're back in loose interpretation territory. The continuity is only tight when it matters, and the only time it matters is between GXM and GMM. Speaking of which...

Uh oh. This one is in timeline format. Did the guy who made this forget that Gorath took place in 1982 and FCTW in 1960? Gawsh it sure seems like it. But the inclusion of the appearance of the second Godzilla 1999 and the second Kamoebas in 1987 sort of points to the events happening as they are here, rather than in the movies. You're still supposed to be implying the presence of King Kong, Mechanikong, and Frankenstein, by the way.

Oh wait, look at this: the timeline points out 2003 and mentions Mothra's reappearance in 2004... but, wait, it was clearly stated in GXMG that it took three years from 1999 to build Mechagodzilla, which puts the movie in the year 2002, and GMM is one year after that, so...

Oh, duh, the timeline presented here is flawed. So looks like we WERE right, and the Millennium-3 timeline does indeed follow the "fuck it, no one remembers it because home video isn't invented yet" school of showa continuity. Cool, so the timeline goes like:

1954 Godzilla, but the skeleton survives
1956 Rodan
1958 Varan
1960 Frankenstein Conquers the World
1961 Mothra
1963 Atragon
1964 Dogora
1966 War of the Gargantuas
1967 King Kong Escapes
1970 Space Amoeba
1982 Gorath, but the moon isn't destroyed
1987 A second Kamoebas appears. Not sure if this one survives, or if the one from 2003 is a THIRD Kamoebas
1999 a second Godzilla appears for no discernible reason
2002 Godzilla X Mechagodzilla
2003 Godzilla: Tokyo S.O.S.

Done, right? haha no but that's cute you think that. There are more similarities to the show days as well: this continuity isn't Godzilla centric, and it doesn't stop there. Unfortunately, I STILL haven't watched all of even one of the three choseishin series yet, so...

Oh, what? Yeah, Gransazers, Justirisers, and Sazer-X all take place in the Millennium-3 timeline. Masers, Hiroshi Koizumi, and the Gotengo all make appearances, as do expies of monsters not already part of the timeline, like Moguera, Hedorah, Ebirah, Bagan, and King Ghidorah. They call them names like Megarion, Deathball, Zarigan, Reizaus, and Mammoth Bosquito, but they aren't fooling anyone.

You're not fooling anyone "Deathball."

Gransazers establishes that the Warp Monarch destroyed most of the Gransazer civilization 400 MILLION years ago, so obviously we're talking about time traveling humans here. Justirisers is focused on a alien war in the present, and Sazer-X has most of the team come from the year 5000 to defeat the space pirates Descal (it's "de skull," but whatever) right when the invasion begins, as it is quite impossible in 5000 since they're so bonkers powerful. =/

Any other continuity references made in those series I am unaware of. I've seen a handful of episodes (the first 7 or so of gransazers, the pilot of sazer-x) and the movie, but i'll get there. Riseross is the best zord ever, by the way.

But all of this is ignoring the elephant(s) in the room.

Where did the second Godzilla come from? In all the timelines with a second Godzilla, they show up as soon as they possibly can. Why was the M3 second Godzilla so lazy?

Could it be he didn't actually EXIST until 1999? How is that possible? Where did he come from? We know that time travel happens in the M3 universe, but that's from the choseishin series, which occurs after GXMG, so does that really werk? Where else could Godzilla have come from? Where do you get those from?

...I mean, there's plenty of different Godzilla's in the different continuities, but, none of them ever got sucked into a wormhole that transports living creatures through time and space, and then showed empirical evidence (such as a coda) that the Godzilla in question survived such a transportation...

WAIT A MINUTE!!!

Now, I know what you're thinking. "But that's clearly the same kid from GXM, and like, no in the past. And like, not from a different universe."

First of all, that's the implication, yes, but you have no proof of that. Second, we've already established that M3 continuity is not... very tight. Godzilla had to come from somewhere, and this is the only Godzilla that ever traveled through a wormhole.

The implications of this are just awesome. It brings the whole stated goal of having the millennium "series" be standalone to a head by having the same Godzilla actually cross between realities.

Now, of course, this is my personal fan theory. It's not stated or even hinted at. What i'm doing is finding a way to explain several things:

1. Where the second M3 Godzilla came from.
2. Where the M1 Godzilla went.
3. Find a way to connect a series of films that are known for not being very connected without actually contradicting the events of the films themselves.

Having the second M3 Godzilla actually BE the M1 Godzilla makes a hell of a lot of sense in that regard, but to be fair, one could just as easily say that the M1 Godzilla got sent back to 1999 in the G2K universe if it is indeed an entirely separate one, which I seriously doubt.

You, the folks at home, can take it or leave it. All it is is a fan theory. As far as i'm concerned it doesn't hurt anyone and it makes everything a lot cooler. But, just for fun, let's quote something from Toho Kingdom that actually supports my theory:

"At first, producer Shogo Tomiyama was planning for three stand alone films, and from these three Toho would decide which of the movies to dedicate a series about, or if the Heisei series should be revisited. This idea, however, was aborted after a meager box office showing by Godzilla 2000: Millennium (1999) and Godzilla vs. Megaguirus (2000) stumbled out of the gates, and ended up being a box office flop. It was then discussed that the 2001 Godzilla film might mark the closure of what would have been a short lived series."

I actually remember hearing all about this, so it's not really a lie. However, it is really misleading. The initial idea was to give three directors free reign of Godzilla without any pressure to follow an established canon. The first was the Heisei veteran Takao Okawara, then Masaaki Tezuki, then Gamera and Pyrokinesis fan-favorite Shusuke Kaneko. The thing about GMK looking like the last one for a while was also true, but it didn't actually effect the plan for the millennium series. Tomiyama still looked at the three previous films and made the decision to hand it over to Tezuka. The GFW being a heisei continuation has more to do with it being a 50th anniversary than anything else.

But, going from the quote alone, what Tomiyama was saying was that after GMK, he decided to pick the continuity that Tezuka created, meaning that GXM is somehow connected to GXMG. True story, I read it in Toho Kingdom's articles section, so it MUST be true.

When all is said and done, the millennium series is still, from a larger perspective, pretty disconnected, but also part of a larger universe ala M3. Assuming that the initial two films and the M3 timeline are connected through wormholes as per my crazy fan theory, that means we have:

The Shodakai timeline which is just Godzilla and ALWAYS 2
The Showa timeline which is pretty much every Toho sci-fi flick up until 1977
The Heisei series, which actually focused on continuity, and only contains 9 specific movies
- The future where Godzilla never recovers from the A.N.E.B. that Emi originally comes from
- The future where Mecha-King Ghidorah never existed and Godzilla turns Japan into a wasteland, and the one to which Emi returns to in order to build Mecha-King Ghidorah and set in motion the events of the rest of the Heisei series
The Millennium series, which is multiple universes except possibly:
1. G2K and GXM occur in the same universe
2. The GXM Godzilla survived the dimension tide and ended up as the second Godzilla from GXMG
The Sokougeki timeline, in which Godzilla is a zombie, Zilla exists, and King Ghidorah is a good guy

And that's it.

What's left to cover? Well, the heisei Mothra series for one. Also, I'd like to talk about the Godzilla Legends/Gangsters and Goliaths continuity since it makes even less internal sense than the showa one. The super godzilla timeline since it's the only canon appearance of Bagan. aaaaaand prolly some more stuff i'll never get to.

10.15.2011

Ever since that creepypasta about Candle Cove started floating around, a lot of episodes were uploaded onto youtube. That's pretty amazing on its own, as the show only ran on a local station in the late 70's, so even just having a copy of the show is rare enough, but going through the arduous task of uploading them on youtube is really more than I would ask of my worst enemy.

But, see, this creepypasta ended on the premise that the show was nothing but static, which is an awesome ending for a creepypasta and all, but it is severely hampered by it being a real show. I mean, thinking it through, for the best results, you would want something real, so that if you bothered to investigate it you would find it, but rare enough so that few people have heard of it and assume it to be fictional, as well as something that wasn't already all over youtube.

The problem here is that wherever you go on youtube, you get all these trolls talking about how the episodes are just static. It's amazing how persistent they are.You really can't have a normal conversation about this show without someone bringing up "static" at some point. It's really getting out of hand, and the joke is old now.

But now it's even weirder. Some trolls have seen fit that leaving comments about static on the few episodes on youtube isn't enough. They have to upload their own videos that are intentionally nothing but static.

I really like the creepypasta and all, but sometimes you have to separate fantasy and reality, you know? Especially with me being all about hauntology, this sort of treasure from the past is cool enough on it's own, and I don't really care to navigate through troll videos just to find an episode.

P.S. If you can put up with it, there's a pretty funny series of videos with this clueless kid pretending all he can see is static for like, 6 videos or something starting here (lol pothole).

10.14.2011

...if you were as giddily optimistic about the Thing prequel as I was.

1. Not EVERYTHING matches up with the original movie. Lots of nods are made, but there is one outright glaring error that made the climactic scene to hard to watch. The whole time I couldn't pay attention to what was happening because I was all "why is there still ice covering the fucking space ship?" We also don't get to see one of the deaths... that's kinda a spoiler since there's no way to hide it. Yeah, the guy who gets his wrists and throat slit? We don't see that happen, just some cutaways at the end, which is the biggest red flag for a deleted scene since not seeing the swamp in the 2006 King Kong.

2. Don't worry, the subtitles are there. Only thing is, there's only one crazy swede who doesn't speak english in the whole damn movie, so it is never an issue. A monster who uses paranoia as a weapon... and they miss the chance to put up a language barrier. Lame, but whatever. There is about one minute of playing norwegians against americans, but it's just a shouting match and doesn't actually go anywhere, and ends as quickly as it began. So, the paranoia between the crew this time is the exact same flavor as the last time. A missed opportunity, for sure, but it doesn't really hurt the film so much as...

3. In the credits, you can see Tom and Alec (from, you know, 5 of the 6 alien movies?) listed as special/make-up effects... but there aren't... um... any, to be quite blunt about it. Being completely honest here, there's only one scene that features a living Thing created practically. But you can't really see it. It's in its original form, which is way different from what you'd expect (but nicely explains where the arthropod-like legs it uses came from), hiding under a shack. And it's only the legs. So, Alec and Tom, who made the fucking rod puppet from Alien 3, made some squiggly spider legs. That's what they did.

And OH MY GOD is the rest of it horrible. I would have laughed if I wasn't so disgusted with all the grave pissing going on, and I'm like 90% certain Rob Bottin is still alive, so they're just pissing in some guy's face.

Yes, that's the best way to describe the sub-plan 9 effects going on here: like pissing right in Rob Bottin's face.

All that aside, it's still a "good" movie. It's enjoyable, has some of the same feel as the first one, and the ending is awesome. Actually, the ending is the best part. And not like the "time to wait in the cold" part, but the good part, where you find out who was shooting at the dog in the beginning of the first one. I need to specify because they intercut the fucking end titles over it. Like, it's the best part of the entire movie and they're trying to file people out of the theater. That's bonkers.

So it does mean that you will have to wince and cringe through the entire movie. This was not the great fuck you to the second renaissance of CGI as I was hoping. It only manages to make things worse.

Which makes me just want to ask, in case anyone is listening:

WHY are people STILL using CGI? Honestly, I need to have a real answer at this point, because the more I see the worse it gets. At first it just looked out of place, like in Jurassic Park. But a 90's audience can easily ignore that because at the time it was new and cool, and computers were the future man. The information super highway and all that. But as more and more films made use of it, it grew old fast. It became really apparent really fast that it looked fucking awful. Like, really bad. REALLY, REALLY bad. And it took awhile because kids are, as a rule, retarded, but by the early aughts it was a discredited trope, and people started using REAL special effects again.

So... why did this second renaissance happen? I remember being really impressed with GMM and the SH movie's use of integrating the two technologies, but is it their fault? A Godzilla movie from 2003 and an art film based on a video game about personal trauma with tank controls that only people like me play surely doesn't have any real influence on hollywood, right? CGI is a hell of a lot more expensive, right? And if the technology really has gotten better, the new CGI shouldn't actually look WORSE than the old stuff, right?

So what is it, then? Why do people make creatures 100% in a computer, when they couldn't composite a sticker in an album, they have no fucking clue how physics work, they don't understand heavy things move slower that lighter things, they don't understand that not every single movement is smoother than the rockies, they can't stop the FUCKING TEXTURES FROM STRETCHING, they have no fucking sense of style, and... well, they can't do a god damn thing right at all.

I've been bitching about this since Godzilla lost his crown, or perhaps more accurately, since one of the american producers on GINO 2 outed the projected as, you know, GINO 2. I never gave Cloverfield much shit because working from a camera literally on the streets of the city itself, a hollywood faggot like Gay Gay Fagbrums would obviously resort to the most expensive and, for him, easiest solution. Sure the movie looked like shit, but we all knew it would be a B movie from the start, so no one cared. Before this, with the AVP movies, the Underworlds, and all the independent Japanese stuff, CGI had become such a non issue I stopped affording it any credibility.

Now it's killed off the king of the monsters and turned a prequel that's been trying to happen for, geez, 10 years or so, into, effectively, a forgettable B movie unless you are obsessed with the original as much as me.

Meanwhile, Ultraman is going 3D. That's super bad ass, but because Tsuburaya has an irrational fear of any type of currency other than yen, I'll never see the damn thing.

The world of monster movies could really use a hero right now...

Oh, I'm not implying Prometheus will be that hero, but I just remembered and this is important. Here are some leaked pics I know next to nothing about, only that almost everywhere I hear about them, Fox asked for them to be removed. Since I'm not a faggot, these aren't going anywhere. Could they be red herrings? Maybe, but I'm moderately sure these are the images Fox doesn't want being seen.

Gee, those sure look like eggs, don't they? And what do you think they need to use that flamethrower on? You know, I like Rodan too. Atragon is amazing. Frankenstein vs. Baragon is the greatest iteration of the Frankenstein story ever told, bar none. So, I have absolutely no problem with a non-alien alien movie. Space Jockeys are wicked radical to the max, and 90 minutes of them is a sweet deal as far as I'm concerned, even if that dipshit Ridley "gay faggot" Scott has anything to do with it. Another stupid, boring movie that doesn't understand there is a limit to how long you can hold an audience's suspense if you don't give them a reason to keep caring? As long as I get to see a new, practical monster, I'll still get the DVD. Or maybe see it in a theater once and then download it if I can find the motivation for it.

But, yes, apparently the egg chamber is gonna be a set in the film. If it's that closely connected to the first Alien movie, then the obvious choice is to show us the Jockey Alien. Because I have no faith in cuntbags with massive misplaced egos who have shown time and time again they have no interest in coming up with new or interesting ideas, I'm guessing we'll probably... just see more aliens.

Ridley Scott is a pretentious sack of shit who thinks he owns abstract concepts. I actually wrote like two more paragraphs of mouth-foaming nonsense about how fucking terrible that guy is, but you probably don't want to hear it. Thing is, the alien fanbase is the absolute worst I have ever seen in my entire life, so I can go off on it for the longest time, but I don't need to get into that now. I've already badmouthed two series I really like, so, let's wrap up by saying something nice about both of them:

The Thing: the new movie isn't as bad as it could have been, and special effects aren't the most important part of a movie... unless it's a monster movie. Ok, I still liked it though. In a Megalon sort of way. Well... when there's no monsters around, it's actually really good.

Alien: Ridley Scott's movie wasn't THAT bad. It introduced the character (designed by Dan O'Bannon and H. R. Giger... and, you know, NOT Scott) fairly well, the chestburster scene was dead on, and a genuine shock for the audience. There must be fans who still buy into the franchise, or else Fox would drop it altogether. I'm sure that Prometheus will have at least one scene, like the chestburster thing, that some actual thought was put into, and it will be great. It can't possibly be as bad as Manos. And if it turns out to be super boring, I can have someone wake me up when the monster shows up.

See guys, there's always a silver lining. Both of these series (for The Thing, only counting from the 82 film and up) have been incident free since the outset, so, isn't it about time they had some Megalons? You can't be perfect all the time, right? I'm sure things will get better again.

At any rate, Prometheus isn't going to be as stupid as AVPR. Of this I'm sure. Whether the monster will be interesting enough to counteract the boringness of it is different. It's hard to make a movie so bad I won't watch it even with a praetorian predalien, and I've wanted to see a Space Jockey for a lot longer.

"Was asked to do a re-design concept of Godzilla for some folks who wanna make a short series of movies. I was supposed to make him look seriously evil, and I think it turned out pretty well. ^_^"

Okay, so... "some folks" are going to do a short series of movies. Sounds like a couple of fans want to make some fan films, then? Okay, well, fan films don't usually have much of a budget, and so complete projects in the kaiju world are pretty rare, and when they do pop up, they are either unwatchable, over the top, or both. If he requires a "re-design," I'm guessing this is one of the over-the-top ones.

You can tell that these people won't ever finish their "series." In three years, we should have heard something by now. Also, judging by the notion that he's supposed to make Godzilla look "seriously evil," I'm guessing these people are all 11 years old.

And the Page 4 total brings us to 86. Even just a crossover would spoil our perfect run, so let's look at page 5:

There are only six pictures of Godzilla on this page. The rest are of Megaguiras, Vagnosaurus, Dagarlah, Hedorah, Rodan, Ookondoru, Battra, Megalon, Zilla, Moguera, Ganime, Mecha-King Ghidorah, and on and on.

Of those, only three are really +1 worthy. So that gives us 23 points and a grand total of 109, which means we have won the game in only 5 pages. I dare you to do it faster.

What IS notable is that how this little exercise has exposed how batshit insane the Zilla fandom is. Not only have we been coming across various pieces titled "Godzilla" that have only Zilla in them, but they also showed us, on our last page, exactly what the comic this is a response to was talking about:

Here we have Zilla sleeping next to a gigantic human female, which I'm sure is exactly the kind of sexual fetish that fuels the creepier stuff on dA, who ALSO happens to be from some other pre-existing series, although I'm not going to go out of my way to find out what.

Even if we counted this because it is a part of the greater Tohoverse, it would still be cancelled out by all the GOOD art of GOOD Toho monsters.

Beacuase I'm looking for the character Godzilla and not the whole damn media empire, I have to cut the majority of this page from review, since most of it is NOT of Godzilla. Rather, we get Bagorah, Orga, Zilla, Biollante, Baby Zilla, Titanosaurus, Destroyah, King Ghidorah, a cat for some reason, Gigan, and Bagan.

Before we begin, I want to say that there are two things I don't know how to do:1. Make the main page cut off the blogs at a certain point so that it doesn't show 7 ENTIRE posts.2. Make the whole blog not cut pictures of a certain size in half.

Now is a good time to bring up that all the bad stuff we're seeing is either:1. a bad photoshop2. a "revisioning" as if Godzilla were in a Spawn comic3. a "revisioning" of a "realistic" Godzilla that looks like no other dinosaur that has ever existed (and we WILL be seeing more of that, trust me)4. People who have never actually seen Godzilla, and apparently think he's green.

I can't even... what? You want the next GINO to look like that? This is why I say that Godzilla is dead, because THIS is the fandom now. It is completely unrecognizable to me. All bow before Guilala, the NEW God of Wa... I mean King of the Monsters.

Same difference, though, right?

Page 2 Total: 20 + 6 - 9 = 17

and we had... 27 points last time? So that's 44. We are less than the first time I did this because I'm not counting the neo stuff. It's competent, yes, but it belongs in the category of Spawn comics and... well, I don't need the help. We are only missing out on 7 points anyways.

I know this may shock some, but I've done some research, and, it turns out, Sonic isn't the only thing on the internet. Gasp in disbelief if you want, but that doesn't change facts, and the facts say that if you search for something you want to see, you will see THAT, and not, you know, Sonic being gay and also anthropomorphized and/or eating a pokemans. True story.

What sort of "research" did I do? Well, a short while ago I was digging through some files on this laptop when I found this:

haha... clever observation. Everything is homogenous! If only it were funny.

So, I played this game. But, in order to make it fair, I've decided that there are, in fact, winners, and after a certain point I wanted to know WHEN that was. Last time I tried this I got to 51 points before being bored, but I was aiming for 100.

So here are the revised rules:

1. Just like the original, pick ANY movie, tv show, or character. It specifically asks for your favorite one. Playing this more than once, you might think to even the odds by picking NOT Sonic. But if you're looking for a challenge, you could also pick Sonic.

2. 1 point for well done fan art. This is supposed to set up that good fan art represents a small an unimportant fraction of the majority of stuff you'll find, as the point value is small comparatively. Actually, it's the other way around in real life, where good fan art is so omnipresent that you can't count too much for it or you'll win 2 pages sooner.

3. This is where the original rules get fuzzy. It's supposed to be if you see a "human as an animal." Well folks, humans ARE animals. So, in order to have this make sense and preserve the original, possibly ignorantly stated intent, the new rule is -10 points for a character that wasn't human turned into one, or vice versa.

4. This one was originally subtract an additional 5 points if a work from rule #3 also contained a crossover or a transgendered character. Because this fellow doesn't seem to know how to speak English, I have to fucking translate for his fucking retarded ass: If you see an image that is a crossover lose 5 points. If you see the character with a gender that they didn't have originally, like, if the character was already a tomboy but is shown to be way more feminine, that's another -5. Rules #3 and #4 are cumulative.

5. The most controversial rule. It seems like this should be something like "minus something point for same sex pairing," but instead it ends up being the key to winning the game. So, if you come across a page that DOESN'T have your character gettin' gay, then it's 20 points. So, just to reiterate: automatic 20 points every page.

6. You win once you have 100 points.

To recap:
- no rule on who you can pick
- +1 for each good fan art
- -10 for humans turned non-human or vice versa
- -5 for crossover or alternate gender of original, negatives cumulative
- +20 for every page... with no gay stuff.
- 100 to win

LET'S PLAY!

See, because I like Godzilla, I'm immune to this game. Turns out that's not a joke or anything. You really need to have MUCH crazier fans than the faggots who actually like Zilla to qualify for the joke. However, the rules say I can pick anyone, so whatever.

- PAGE 01 -

Zoomed out. Here you can see that not only are G-fans NOT as crazy as Sonic fans, but a lot of them are great artists. +20

Also, NEW RULE #7: This should go without saying, but, if it ISN'T a picture of your character, it doesn't count towards your total. You will see a lot of Zilla, Space Godzilla, and Mechagodzilla, so that needs to be said.

The Who of What, Now?

Oh, that's just me. For all the latest renews, twicks, and blogzones be sure and follow me on my personal webzone google.com, subscribe to myplace and hit me up on instapals, superask, and NoBonezAboutIt.org. #LOL laughing online! And be sure to e-mal me, Mal, at emal_me_mal@computer4u.com with questions, comments, love letters, hate mal, quickpix and zipfits! Keep circulating the copied floppies! ;o