Sunday, October 30, 2011

My due date was yesterday and still no sign of our baby. It's nice to know I should have him in my arms very very soon :) I can't wait!

Things are pretty much prepared and Nora is looking forward to it too. She knows she'll be at her grand-parents for a couple days and thinks it's cool. I've been trying to prepare her as well we I can by breaking down her erroneous ideas (like that she'll be able to play with him) and I think she understands at least a little. I wanted to see my cousin and her newborn with Nora so she could see that a newborn does nothing but lie there, breastfeed and cry but my cousin is really not a reliable person and I didn't manage to see her enough for that. She was supposed to come to my house about 1.5 hours before trick or treating downtown yesterday afternoon but she arrived in a huge rush to get the kids dressed and go right away.

My husband is really not acknowledging that anything is happening. He didn't help prepare anything at all. My parents are the ones who came to help me move around the room to make space for the crib, a friend helped me put the stroller together and with the help of a couple gifts I have been making sure our baby has clothes, towels, diapers, soap, etc. etc. He has not been interested in seeing the clothes or knowing where I'm putting them.

He's looking forward to the birth so he can have his 5 or 6 weeks off work to work on his business. It's making me a little upset to know he's not into it at all... It sucks to have to deal with his "could care less" attitude. He refuses to read up on how to be a good birthing companion. He told me women have been giving birth for ever and the man doesn't need to know how it works or what to do to help. He figures I'll be in great shape to let him know exactly what I need. RIGHT! Let's do it all by trial and error WHILE I'm giving birth - why not?! It'll only be the most pain I'll ever have been in in my life!

At least at home he is fetching me whatever I want if I don't feel like getting up. I'm trying to see the positive but sometimes I get upset that he is not thoughtful enough to anticipate any of my needs. Sometimes I wonder why I even need to ask for everything.

My dad (and my mom too) is one of those who will anticipate my needs and just take care of me like a princess :) And I spend a lot of time with my parents so of course when I compare how much my dad does and how little my husband does, it's upsetting. And embarrassing when people find out that he's starting a business at this time. My husband always comes off as lazy and unable to take care of things to my family. Mostly because he is in a lot of ways. It's not like they're imagining things...

They aren't judgey people though so they keep a good relationship with him and see his positive sides but I can tell that my mom in particular is upset that I'm not getting what she feels I deserve. I'm really blessed to have family that really loves me and cares for me and thinks I deserve everything that is best in this world.

Well that's about it for now. Hopefully next time I post I have a baby to post about :)

Thursday, October 27, 2011

This is an uncle who, almost 10 years ago pretty much ditched our family. He got in a fight with my dad over something related to my grand-mother and possibly related to his closeted homosexuality and from then on didn't talk to my dad of course, but didn't visit his own mother, his other brother and me and my brother (who is his God-son).

We were close before this. He literally came to my parents' (where me and my brother lived, we were pre-teen/teen) multiple times a week!! How can you go from seeing people more than once a week to NEVER?

Except my dad, we've all made efforts to contact him and he has not really been interested it seems. When I see him like I did yesterday (once every couple years) it's always pleasant and it's weird how much he is the SAME person as he was before. The same type of weird joking attitude he had when we were close. He ALWAYS tells me the story of when I was a "baby" and we were in the park and a tree fell or was cut down and I would have pointed and said "miraculous"! You can see that to this day this is a memory that is important to him.

A part of me wants to try and make contact again. A part of me thinks he would do it himself if he was interested. He knows I am on Facebook and has my email.

What I know though is that it would be useless to think I can unite the family back together - that will simply not happen. There's still anger between them. All I might be able to do is make an attempt at rebuilding a relationship with this man myself and maybe if he wants to do that with me, he will want to build the bridge between the others too.

Should I? Am I almost betraying my dad and brother who are the most hurt in this by doing that? Is it even worth it?

This week I'm thankful that my mom came to help me do some cleaning to further prepare the apartment for the baby's arrival. I had been unable (or unwilling to try) to clean the bathtub for a long time because it's a deep one so I haven't been able to bend over the edge with my belly and going right into the bath to clean it with toxic products was just not something I was willing to do. She did the whole bathroom actually so it feels great to have that space cleaned!

I'm also thankful my husband has been making efforts with me. He has been very busy trying to start up the business and has not been able to spend a lot of time with me, but when he gets upset with me I notice the effort he makes in apologizing right away and if I ask for something like to bring me water or anything like that he always does it without complaining and I know those things are probably difficult for him.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

There's a lot of progress really. The place is painted and shelves and stuff are about 3/4 ready. There isn't much stock but that will be with a bit more time. At about 55$ per new game, it adds up to thousands (that we don't have) to fill up a place. A catalogue will be useful for a while for games.

My husband explained all the things he will be offering and I'm actually impressed by it. I also think his strategy is pretty good to get the customers to the store and have them continue to come (build loyalty). He is working on finishing touches and the publicity that will go out - all of this in the next week or maybe 2 maximum and after that it will be up and running!

I'm due in 10 days so we will be giving birth around the same time. hahahahahahaha

I laugh but it worries me a little to have so much going on.

At least things are planned so that we don't risk so much that it could become something terrible like bankruptcy or years and years or debt repayment. We are risking a lot for sure, but mostly my husband is risking a lot of time and energy and the family is sacrificing a more luxurious lifestyle for this project by living off my salary only while his goes into paying company costs. We may have debts that take a year to pay off if the business is not successful but it should not be more than that. And hopefully, God willing, it will not be a complete failure and will even be a good success for making enough money eventually to replace his job's income.

I was watching Dragon's Den the other day which I enjoy once in a while. Someone was pitching a money-making idea of a new casino game that is like black jack but in more of a rip-off type of way. I just felt disgusted by it. This is a business that is based on clients being irresponsible and weak and basically proceeding to taking their money. They don't offer any interesting game or service for the amount of money they take from these poor idiot people. It's a complete and total rip-off! And this game is like that, but even more money-stealing than regular old black jack odds! The guy actually got offers from most of the "dragons" (not his asking offer, but still...). They see money and it doesn't matter how they get it - they just want it.

Another person was a single mom with a decent business idea (spray tanning appointments at your home) that she explained was her full job, supporting her family and Kevin O'Leary basically told her how much it sucked because it wasn't money-making enough. Well at least her business was offering a good service at a decent price AND was a healthier alternative to actual tanning which she mentioned and seemed to care about. I agree with them that there was nothing to invest in, but Kevin O'Leary's comment just showed how hungry for MONEY he is! What an... I donno, but he's a loser.

What I wish for my husband and our family is to be able to run a successful and HONEST business.

Friday, October 21, 2011

I wrote this yesterday on my Facebook. No time to write a whole new post for the blog:

It's Thankful Thursday and I definitely have a lot to be thankful for. Thank you to everyone who took the time to wish me happy birthday - it put a smile on my face. And I am blessed to make it to a quarter century and blessed to have so much great stuff happening in life :)

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

I had a nice morning. It's picture day at both Nora's school AND daycare today!

School is a 3h pre-school program twice a week at her future school that I found important for her to attend. Since she doesn't speak English much and will be going to English school full time starting next year, I felt strongly that she should attend this program as preparation. Even if it's not too convenient to have to bring her there and get her 3h later to bring her to daycare. It splits up her day a bit weird and interrupts her daycare group a little since they are often in the middle of an activity by the time she arrives... but it has to be done!

Today with it being picture day at both places, I stayed at school until pictures were done to bring her right to daycare so she wouldn't miss those pictures. We chose 2 different outfits (one my choice, one her choice) and I did her hair. I SUCK AT HAIR! Especially curly hair since mine is very straight...

I tied her hair in a bun on the side top of her head, had one loose strand of hair that I did with the curling iron to make it bouncy and added a big butterfly hair accessory. She was adorable! It was starting to be a bit messy by the time she got to daycare but oh well!

I'm still glad to be off on maternity leave. I'm alone at home now and about to go take a nap! YAY :P

I'll try to do as much as I can around the house afterwards but with eating lunch and a doctor's appointment this afternoon, I might not do much more than dishes, cleaning the guinea pig cage and vacuuming.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

I don't know if anyone watched Seinfeld? We are going through the seasons lately and in this episode, Jerry and George pretend to be gay because someone is eavesdropping and it ends up being the person who Jerry was waiting for to be interviewed. So the episode is him trying to convince her that he's not gay, "not that there's anything wrong with that". This line is repeated many times.

My husband does think there is something wrong with that and found the episode kind of annoying overall I think. I can't help but feel that my husband or anyone else who has something against gays needs to just SHUT IT and this really made me realize how much it bugs me when someone really does have something wrong with gays. I can't change that he's uncomfortable with homosexuality and that he is against gay rights like marriage, adoption, and would even support any law that makes it illegal or criminal or anything, I think. But I really think people with these closed-minded views need to just keep quiet.

Where is the line though between what can and should be said (even if it's a "hot topic") and what shouldn't be said? Am I being unreasonable in believing that people against gay rights should keep to themselves about it?

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Ooooh, this week, I am thankful to have started my maternity leave! My last day I was 37 weeks along which I think is pretty good. Most people I know finished much earlier but they were on preventative leave (in fields like shops, labs, hospitals, daycare centres, restaurants, etc.)

It's nice to be off work and I am getting things done but it's not that much that I manage to get done when I really think about it! I'm taking a nap each day, a bath maybe, a bit of surfing online, coffee with a friend or my parents. Today I went to my aunts house for a simple computer problem and stayed there for 3 hours! So it's 4pm and all I did was bring Nora to school, nap, bring her to daycare, go to my aunts' and make part of the supper! No cleaning or anything! Tomorrow I will hopefully get on it a bit more. My goal is to be 100% ready for baby to arrive by Monday. Right now, I'd be in a bit of a mess if he showed up... 4 days should be enough to chose and buy a stroller and carseat and clean and set up the room for baby's arrival as well as clean the rest of the apartment for it to not be too much of a mess.

Not if I worked though so conclusion: I am very very thankful to be off work!!! :D

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

I finally got my income tax completed for 2009 and 2010!!! I'm always a couple months late in doing them and that doesn't stress me out, but I am 1.5 years late for 2009 and that WAS stressing me out. Especially with a baby coming and my child benefits being cut quite some time ago for not doing my income taxes... It will be a welcome little help financially to get those back especially with my husband's revenu going towards the business and mine being lower since I will be on maternity leave.

Best of all, peace of mind! I'd been stressing pretty badly since this summer when it kicked in how late I was and when I realized I had lost a paper worth about 2000$. I didn't want to do my income tax without this paper! I looked everywhere and found it by accident last week. YAY!

A Muslim man called to open up a file for a loan here and was refusing to be served by a woman! In the end, he went through with it with our female agent but she says he was being condescending the whole time.

I'm so pissed at this man I don't know! He better not get me next time he calls.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Here is my birthing plan. Just a general idea of what I want from my birthing experience for things to go as smoothly as possible. I didn't add an after birth/ baby caring section because I know their procedures and they put the baby right on the mom when it's born, they strongly support breastfeeding and would never give him any water or bottle. Also, the baby always stays with the mom in her room even right after a c-section. All things that I want.

To my husband and birthing companion:

I want you to have a plan about religious traditions that you want or need to do, and communicate that with the hospital team and make sure they get done.

I wish to stay at home for as long as possible after contractions start. You will need to write (or use an app) to time the length of contractions and how far apart they are. Please wait until I suggest we go and do not pressure me into going to the hospital too fast. I wish to be in a calm environment to help me relax. Helping me relax will be your main goal.

This will continue once at the hospital of course. I will need you to speak calmly always. You will need to remind me to focus on my breathing. You will need to remind me to relax my muscles during a contraction and focus on recuperating in between contractions. I want you to learn acupressure to be able to try that for my pain relief.

I want you to remind me to try different positions during contraction. Please do not mention asking for pain relief as that will put into question my ability to deal with the pain. Let me decide when to ask. Remind me of our baby often. Make me focus on the birth to come.

To the team at the hospital:

I wish to avoid pitocin to induce at any cost. Unless the baby is in danger without it or if I end up getting an epidural and the doctor judges the drug useful or necessary for stronger contractions at pushing stage that is it. I also wish to not have my water broken artificially. I will consent to stripping the membranes though.

I wish to be offered the milder pain relief medications (air and gas, morphine) but not an epidural, although I am open to the idea of taking one if I get to that point. I will ask myself if I want it at any point during labour.

Unless there is need because of danger for my baby (or if I get an epidural), I do not want to be strapped down by monitors. An occasional check with a hand held device will be welcome. I will also consent to very occaisional internal exams to see how things are progressing, but if I am dealing well with contractions, I'd rather not be bothered often.