Thursday, July 02, 2009

I Wish The Real World Would Just Stop Hassling Me

Hello there. Checking in are you? Want to know how my world is?

It's exhausting, that's how it is. I'm tired. Fatigue has set in. I can barely see out of these bloodshot eyes. I don't want to get up and go to work anymore. I don't want to try to function on 6 hours sleep night after night. I'm not even that fond of breastfeeding anymore. I'm tired of being attached to Charlotte. I'm tired of Cecilia climbing all over me. I'm tired of being short on patience, crabby, and extra sensitive. If you've recently been around me and I have been less than pleasant, I apologize. My boobs are tender, my legs are ugly from all the blood clots and varicose veins and a few stretch marks, and my hair is starting to fall out.

This isn't an easy transition for anyone in our household. Cecilia varies from loving Charlotte to being jealous of her. John is with Cecilia during the day, and Charlotte is with me, and this works well until all 4 of us get together. I'm not sure what is so hard about it all, it just is. The hardest part is when there is one parent and two children. There is an article in last month's Parenting magazine that says the logistics of having two under two is nearly impossible, and asks the question, "how do you put a 20 month old and a 4 month old to bed at the same time by yourself?" I have wondered this many times already, and failed many times already. Usually Charlotte goes into the swing which she doesn't love, and by the time Cecilia and I are finished brushing her teeth Charlotte is crying, and continues to scream through the diaper changing, pajama putting on, and book reading of Cecilia's bedtime routine. Then I try to rush all these things, and Cecilia wants to look at the book extra long, or doesn't want to open her mouth for the toothbrushing, and I get impatient, put her to bed to rush back down to comfort Charlotte only to hear Cecilia crying upstairs in her crib. Blah.

Having a newborn seems very isolating for me too. I have no one at work to talk to, and I'm not doing Muny Band this year, and I often feel all alone. I can't go too far away from Charlotte because she eats so often, and let's face it, there are very few people lining up to watch a 2 month old who doesn't love the pacifier, and who has had very few bottles in her lifetime. I've tried to plan a few social things lately, so hopefully this will help me feel better.

I have had more than one parent of a teenager offer to switch places with me, and I'm trying hard to keep in mind that someday I'll miss these moments. Cecilia is cute with her little chubby legs and bare feet running all around our hard wood floors, and Charlotte's smile is contagious.

The good news Sara and Chuck and their boys are coming over tomorrow evening, and John and I plan to have a few minutes to ourselves- woo hoo! Guess they are pros at wrangling two children under two- and thankfully they are up to the challenge to throwing two more into the group. Dear Lord, please let it go well for them.

5 Comments:

Hi Elaine,Just read your blog for today and wanted to let you know you can call me anytime you need to chat about anything. I didn't have 2 under 2 but I wasn't far off from it. Hang in there you will get through this period and things will start to get better with the sleeping and then you will be faced with new challenges....Brian works late several nights a week and I often wondered how I would manage to put two kids to bed at the same time and somehow it all seemed to find a way to work itself out. Your girls are so sweet and I promise you will get through it!

Thanks, Amy. Sometimes it just feels good to put it all out there, and get it out of my system. I know you have your hands full over there, and it's nice to have friends that are in similar situations. I'll call you next time and we'll bitch about our day, and we might both feel better. So glad we're back in touch.

amen, sister! being a mom is rough, even with a husband around cuz we're always juggling everything & wrangling with the emotional side of everything too, our own & our kids. i will never say it'll magically get easier,(in my experience) but there will be good days (so many that you'll almost forget about the bad ones) & then you'll have major trauma again. that's life, with or without kids (mostly with) hang in there! a good day is gonna come(hopefully with more sleep in it!) :)love you, beckyps, we will get together after we get back from vaca. i'm gonna miss talking to you, & i'm sure we'll have lots to talk about.

Elaine, don't worry, sometimes it helps to vent! Every mom feels this way at some point; whether its one, two or however many children she has. I know I am time zones away, but you can always call for a friendly pick me up and positive laughs. I still have those good listening ears and sometimes thats all we need is an adult to talk to. (too bad I can't talk to myself and get the same feeling--wouldn't that solve a lot of problems? or cause more confusion!)