April 1, 2008

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She put her hand on my arm. "It's our secret. I just wanted you to know that I knew. In case you need me to pick up some of the slack around here, you've got it."

She squeezed my arm, heading out of the office. And it occurred to me that she didn't ask who the father was — that she was respecting my privacy. She wasn't trying to gossip. She just wanted me to know I could count on her.

"Thank you, Susan," I said.

"Anytime," she said, and smiled at me. "Now I've just got to prepare for mud treatment 101."

On Sunday night, Jackson had several friends over for pizza and soda. They were all cramming for a chemistry exam, and I made a fire for them in the living room, so they could stay up late working.

It was so great to have his friends in the apartment — and to see how nice they all were. His friend Kerry — girlfriend Kerry?—was there. This was the first chunk of time I really got to spend with her. And I do like her. She plays field hockey and loves her dogs, who she talked a lot about, and she seems very smart. And she seems to really adore Jackson, which gave her points right off the bat.

She was originally from Argentina, and she was absolutely adorable. I liked how she Jackson were with each other — and it relaxed me, even if she was a little older than he was. They seemed on the same wavelength.

Around 8 p.m., Josh came over as well. We had been e-mailing and decided to have coffee and talk on Sunday night. When I told him Jackson was having a chemistry study session and I wanted to be there for it, he volunteered to come over to the apartment.

When he arrived, he had tons of grocery bags in his hands — filled with ice cream and more sundae toppings than I knew existed. Hot fudge sauce and sprinkles and peanuts and butterscotch chips and carob chips. It was incredible.

"This is okay, right?" he asked me, before letting the kids see the treats.

"Yes," I said.

Then, as he walked inside, he handed me a pickle jar, joking, "in case that craving stuff is true."

I laughed too.

We all had ice cream together, and then Josh stayed with them on the living room floor, helping them study for the better part of two hours. I was impressed, watching how good he was with them — how patient as he explained things.

Then I excused myself to clean the dishes.

Jackson came into the kitchen, where I was making myself some tea. "He's really good at science," he said. "He took a lot of science classes in college because he was thinking about being a doctor. Did you know that? He knows…like…everything."

I laughed. "I'm glad to hear it."

Jackson paused, looking at me. "He's okay."

"What?"

"Josh," he repeated. "He's okay. I think…I think I was wrong before, you know?"

I smiled. "I'm glad to hear that too."

I hadn't told Jackson about the pregnancy yet. And I was glad that before I did, he was feeling better about Josh.

We walked back into the living room and I saw Josh lying there on the floor with all of them — how they were all studying and laughing. And I realized that I felt better about him too. I felt good about him. Whatever was going to happen between us, he was going to be a great father.