It's really not important who said or did what. It's my reactions which are probably incorrect, again.

How to escape from stuff and be peaceful? How to live successfully in ones own eyes when it just is so damn difficult at times.

How to quit where I'm at and survive financially?

How to decide what the hell to do? Stay? Go? What purpose have I here?

And somebody being a complete and utter prick isn't helping. Is quite triggering and I'm tired of dealing with the tantrums when they are a result of decisions they made.

Am so far behind in stuff, new things keep being added and now I'm stuck big time. Where to start? It's very overwhelming. Myes... One thing at a time. But nothing is small enough to accomplish easily to at least make me feel like I can do anything.

And tonight I realized, again, that she isn't coming back. And that's the worst of everything.

I know what it is like to try to make order out of the chaos of trauma (not well stated), and how to feel any part of OK when there are such impulses telling me I am not...all I can say is that to the extent anyone can, I understand...and care a lot