Thursday, October 30, 2014

Pickles The Bummer, Dan and Thom Reunited By Fate, Seek The Unsought

My emotional state the last few days.

I have just begun pulling myself out of a recent funk. For some reason the last 4 or 5 days I have had a listless and anxious feeling at the same time. I can't exactly put my finger on what was bothering me. I was having strange dreams and a sense of dread followed me wherever I went. I am constantly having to remind myself to encourage my other hobbies and interests that aren't music. Such as reading books, working out or just doing things that I don't normally do. Overall I had a great sense of neurosis, which I have learned is a guiding light in my life. It is a connection to my unconscious; a missive that reminds me that my life is out of balance. I believe that my maladies have been laid to rest for now with a stirring of my cerebral semblance. My dejection stems from a relentless criticality that haunts and galvanizes me since as long as I can remember. Which is why I can never go to shows that I don't play at. I went to see This Will Destroy You last week and it was cool. But I would say that my despondency began the night of that show. I have a great sense of joy while watching the show but also a strong sense of sadness wishing I could be doing what they are doing. People have always told me I am fucking stupid for feeling that way and that I should just go see my friends bands and be supportive and blah blah blah fuck you no cheers. Which in principle I agree and I often times wish I could overcome my own hang ups and just go have fun. But then I remember that God hates us all and No Fun Not Ever.

Great record.

Thom and Dan interview in it's purest form.

Which speaking of No Fun Not Ever, I listened to "Deathconciousness" by Have A Nice Life and "Desideratum" by Planning for Burial at work today and I finally was able to listen to the maiden broadcast of the first Legrand Society podcast by Enemies List Home Recordings when I got home. Dan Barrett of Have A Nice Life interviews Thom Wasluck of Planning For Burial and it was a lot of fun to listen to. There was a few parts that really struck a harmony with me, the first one was when they were talking about sets going shitty and coming off the stage and being able to face the compliments of others. This is something I have struggled with a lot and I have had multiple people tell me that I need to cut it out. In summation they were basically saying that 9 times out of 10 most people never would notice if your set went badly, and that if they approach you after a show and say "Great set!" and you respond with "Fuck you shit-shark. Get some new fucking ears." You essentially do two things: You manipulate their perception and memory of your set even if they loved it, and you in essence are calling them a fucking idiot who has no taste. Which so far I would say that at least 1/3 of the people who talk to me after a show have no fucking clue what they just saw and are just sort of conforming to social norms. Which I still appreciate that they took the time to approach me and let me know it was cool to watch. But I don't sense that I had any genuine affect on their life in any real way. Which is very subjective and I have no way of knowing how piercing or temporal any interaction can be. But at the same time, I don't think I am behooving anyone by shitting on my own set. I should try to be more neutral about my emotions if a set did go shitty but it really is tough.

Now enough introspective reflection, I think it's time I just complain about some shit that bugged me the other day. I have been noticing a transference of people seeking wisdom from their peers in the form of anonymous messaging via Tumblr or some other social networking. The anonymous option when messaging people to me is a dangerous veil. Because to me, if I can't contact someone without hiding behind a shroud of anonymity then I probably shouldn't be saying what I am saying. That reveals that my tidings are venomous and abhorrent. Which I'm sure we have all seen posts like this and have been disturbed. But I am also really annoyed that I see people all the time asking other people anonymously about life advice or guidance. Which normally these people are trying to find affirmation from people they find attractive but from behind a creepy curtain and distant scope. And now these sages of modern times are completely oblivious and are the definition of narcissistic necessity. They have no concern for these people and their adulation is merely a rotting corpse at the foot of their throne of vanity. I know I am kind of flying off the handle and not making any sense anymore so I will just be blunt. If you need advice about something, don't ask some random fuck you don't even know and their ability to post selfies does not signify that they are any closer to self actualization than you. And to the false pontificating prophets of the interwebs, make like a tree and fuck off. Don't pretend that you care about these faceless few who reach out from the shadows to pine over you. You are not charming, you are not thoughtful, you are nothing special. Stay Gloomy.