Intro:
Here are the scripts I had written for future strips. These are largely rough
draft quality, so many would have been altered/cut, but I figured since I
won't be drawing them I may as well offer them up for anyone who's interested.
Should also be noted that these were meant for my own use, so not every detail
is spelled out (just means you'll have to use your imagination a bit). Also, I
mostly came up with the alt/title/mouse over text right before uploading the
strip, so only a few strips have them written here.
If there's actually anyone who decides to read this, I hope you enjoy it!
Reading notes:
Most of this should be pretty intuitive, but just in case...
===

=== : Signifies new arc; title is its title.
- - : Signifies new strip; title is its title.
--- : Panel break; should be three of these in each strip.
* (beg of line) : Line describes what's happening in the panel.
... (whole panel) : Signifies beat panel (characters just stare at each other
or some such).
@ (beg of line) : Possible alt/title/mouse over text for strip.
// : Comment to readers that I add as I'm reading through this again.
=== Dwarves ===
// Was probably going to skip this arc... I liked the idea, but too many of
// the strips felt weak looking back at it. Maybe I would've trimmed to two
// per dwarf...
- Intro -
L: Guess what this week is!
M: I'm gonna guess annoying.
---
L: It's Dwarf Week!
M: Don't know what that means, but I'm gonna stick with annoying.
---
L: It means every day is a different dwarf. Duh.
---
M: Not much cleared, but I'm starting to get scared.
- Happy -
L: Today is Happy Day! We have to be happy so let's do something fun.
---
M: Still not sure what's going on, but I guess "Happy Day" sounds alright.
---
L: So, what makes you happy?
M: Torturing you is always fun.
---
L: No.
M: Yeah it is. You should try it sometime.
- Happy II -
*L gives M a gift.
L: Here, I got you a gift.
---
*M unwraps it.
M: Wow, a book.
---
*M opens the book.
M: And it doesn't explode. This is actually nice. What's your angle?
---
L: It's Happy Day, so I'm making you happy.
M: Now I'm just getting scared again.
- Happy III -
L: Mom, it's Happy Day, so make us happy.
---
Mom: How about I give you your allowance early this week?
L: Hooray!
---
*L runs off with money.
---
M: She has nothing to spend it on...
Mom: Your sister's a little simple minded.
- Sneezy -
M: Good morning.
---
*L holds out her hand and blows pepper in M's face.
---
M: AH-CHOO!
---
L: Sneezy Day!!!
- Sneezy II -
M: What was that for?
L: Duh, it's Sneezy Day.
---
M: Ah, I get it now. So every day--
---
*L holds out her hand and blows pepper in M's face.
---
M: AH-CHOO!
L: Sneezy Day!!!
- Sneezy III -
M: Where do you keep getting pepper from?
L: My pocket.
---
M: Ah, can I have a bit?
L: Sure.
*L puts some pepper in M's hand.
---
*M blows it into L's face.
---
*L sneezes into M's face
L: AH-CHOO!
M: >_<
- Sleepy -
*M is sleeping.
---
*L is now standing next to M's bed with pots in her hands.
---
Pots: *Bang* *Bang* *Bang*
---
M: What the hell are you doing?
L: Preparing for tomorrow.
- Sleepy II -
*At the park. L and M are on swings...not swinging.
...
---
...
---
...
---
M: Is Sleepy day as fun as you had hoped...?
L: *Yawn*
- Sleepy III -
*L and M are sitting next to each other on the couch, both asleep.
Mom: Aw, how adorable.
---
*Mom walks up to them.
Mom: But I can make it even more adorable.
---
*M now has his arm around L and other such stuff.
Mom: There we go.
---
Mom: Time to get my camera.
- Grumpy -
*M is sleeping. L is standing next to his bed.
---
*L starts poking M.
---
*L still poking M.
M: Stop. Sleepy Day's over, you idiot.
---
L: Excellent. Channel that grumpiness.
- Grumpy II -
*L is eating cereal.
---
*M walks over.
---
*M pushes the cereal onto L's lap.
---
*M walks away.
L: Happy Grumpy Day! Keep up the good work!
- Grumpy III -
L: Play with me.
M: No. Leave me alone, idiot.
---
L: Come on. Just a little bit?
M: Go away before I hurt you.
---
L: This sucks. I don't like Grumpy Day very much...
---
L: Hey! Now I'm grumpy too!
- Doc -
*L has doctor toys.
L: Doc day!
---
M: You're not touching me.
---
L: Strip down and let's have a look.
---
*M is gone.
L: Hey! You don't have to strip all the way down!
- Doc II -
L: Come on. Just stick out your tongue and say "Ahh."
---
*M shakes head no.
L: Pretty please. For Doc Day.
---
*M opens his mouth and L leans towards him.
---
*M is sticking his tongue out. Fred is on his tongue. L is falling back.
L: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
- Doc III -
*M is putting a bandage on L's elbow.
L: Ha. Doc Day is a success.
---
M: Are you sure you don't want to see a real doctor?
---
L: You're the one who hurt me, so you can fix me.
---
M: That's very much not how this works.
- Bashful -
Mom: Have you seen you're sister?
---
M: Yeah. She's hiding around the corner.
---
M: It's Bashful Day.
---
M: I like Bashful Day.
- Bashful II -
L: H-Hi.
M: Hi.
---
M: Are you actually blushing?
---
M: Oh. That's makeup.
L: Shhh. No it's no--er, umm...
---
L: tee hee...
- Bashful III -
M: You know, if you want a more natural looking blush I could slap you until your cheeks turn red.
---
L: Or maybe I could color them with your blood.
---
M: That's not a very bashful thing to say.
---
L: Ack, I mean, uh, That sounds s-scary and painful. I-I think I'll have to pass...
- Dopey -
*L is wearing clothes way too big for her.
M: What's with the clothes.
---
*L throws confetti in the air.
L: It's Dopey Day!
---
...
---
M: Just be yourself.
L: Hey!
- Dopey II -
L: Here, you wear this.
M: I'm not wearing Mom's clothes.
---
L: It's not like it's a dress.
---
*M left, L begins running after him.
L: Oh come on. Why no--
---
*L trips over her clothes and faceplants.
- Dopey III -
*M is reading a book. L is behind him throwing confetti into the air.
---
*Now L has an air horn.
---
*Now L is pouring water on M's head.
---
M: Last day... Last day... Last day...
=== Haircut ===
- Same -
*L's hair is cut to look like M's. They're standing facing each other.
...
---
...
---
...
---
L: Did you think I was you?
*M facepalms.
// Funny thing is, they would look almost identical with the same hair. Two
// differences: Girls have eyelashes, boys don't, and M is very slightly
// taller than L. Since L doesn't understand Mirrors too well, I figured I'd
// draw her bangs the opposite as M's as well.
- Fraternal -
M: We're fraternal twins you idiot. We're not identical.
L: Of course you think that. My hair's always been longer than yours.
---
...
---
...
---
M: We're not the same gender!
L: Details, details...
@It's just like looking in a transgender mirror.
- Clothes -
*L is looking through M's closet.
M: I didn't tell you you could take my clothes.
L: The illusion isn't complete if I'm not wearing your clothes.
---
M: There's no illusion to complete.
L: Just you wait! You won't even be able to tell us apart.
---
M: I honestly think that's one of the stupidest things you've ever said.
L: Then let's go out and I'll prove to you that we look alike.
---
M: Alright, fine. Let's go to the pool.
L: Goo--Hey, wait.
- Swimsuit -
L: Naturally, I can't wear a boy's swimsuit, so you have to wear a girl's.
M: No.
---
L: Of course we'll have to match. You want to go with a one piece or two piece?
M: I'm not having this conversation.
---
L: I don't think we're ready for a two piece. How about you?
M: Leaving now.
---
*M's walking away.
L: How about color? Think we pull off polka dots?
- Attitude -
L: Okay, I need to learn how to be a sarcastic jerk.
---
M: You should watch some vidoes of yourself. You're great inspiration.
---
L: Hey!
---
L: I mean, I'll inspire... err, dammit.
M: Good one.
- Parrot -
*L and M are looking at each other.
...
---
M: What?
L: What?
---
M: I asked you.
L: I asked you.
---
M: Do you really think parroting me is going to help you?
L: Sure--dammit, um, do you really think parroting me is going to help you?
- In- -
M: L is an idiot.
L: L is an idiot.
---
M: L is an annoying pest.
L: L is an annoying pest.
---
M: L is an insufferable insect who incessently instigates instances of insanity.
---
L: L is an insufferable insect who instant--no, uh... I hate you.
@"I, L, hereby give all the money in my piggy bank to my beloved brother, M."
- Trouble -
L: Watch. I'll prove it by getting you in trouble.
M: Good luck with that.
---
*L's in front of Mom.
L: Hey mom! @%*&!
---
*L turned around, Mom grabbed her shoulder.
L: Eep.
---
*L is sitting with a bar of soup in her mouth.
M: Didn't think this one through, did ya?
L: She still thinks it was you.
M: I doubt it...
- Idiot -
L: Mom, L's a stupid, annoying idiot.
---
Mom: I know Sammy, but she's your sister and we love her.
---
...
---
L: Moooom...
Mom: Go play with your brother, Sally.
- Failed -
M: Did you fool her?
---
L: No... Mom's a jerk.
---
M: What do you think about that, Mom?
L: Eep.
---
L: You're a jerk too.
- Jill -
L: Hey Jill. Want to hang out.
Jill: Sure. Your stupid sister's not around is she?
---
L: Uh. Nope. Just me.
Jill: Good. She still doesn't suspect anything, does she?
---
L: Huh? What're you--
---
*Jill kisses L.
L: O_O
- Ominous -
*M has phone.
M: Hello.
---
Phone: Hi, it's Jill. How's your day going?
M: Pretty good, I guess.
---
Phone: Cool. Good luck keeping it that way. *click*
---
M: That's not good...
- Flustered -
L: You! Me! Kiss!
M: No, we're still related.
---
L: No! Shut up!
M: You're the one speaking nonsense.
---
L: Jill kissed me!
M: Oh... Okay, you have my blessing.
---
L: No you idiot. She thought I was you.
M: I very much doubt that.
- Reason -
L: Why would she kiss me if she didn't think I was you?
---
M: Because you're dumb enough to believe that she would belive that you're me.
---
L: You lost me half way through that sentence.
---
M: Exactly.
L: Huh?
- School -
*L is sitting at M's desk.
Teacher: Who are you?
L: Sammy.
---
Teacher: You must be Sammy's sister. I've heard about you. You do know the two of you aren't identical, right?
---
L: You sound exactly like M.
Teacher: Unfortunately, I can't say the same for your looks.
---
L: Seriously, do you teach smartass lessons here?
Teacher: I'd love to take credit, but you simply can't teach smartassery of Sammy's calibur.
@On the other hand, L is an irreplaceable muse.
- Fled -
Jill: M, why did you run away earlier? Did I do something wrong?
L: Shut up.
---
Jill: Oh my God! You're not M, you're L! Oh no!
L: Shut. Up.
---
Jill: How could I let this happen! All our plans, our dreams, our future. Ruined!
L: Shut up, shut up, shut up!
---
Jill: If only I hadn't fallen for L's impeccable disguise, my dearest Sammy and I--
*L hits Jill.
Jill: Ow!
- Where -
Jill: M would never agree to something so stupid. What did you do to your brother?
L: He's fine. No worries.
---
Jill: I'm calling your mom.
L: No, wait!
---
Jill: Where is he?
L: He's fine. I just poured a bottle of water on his head so he would have to go home and change.
---
Jill: He'd come to class wet.
L: Fine, fine. Replace the word "head" with "crotch".
- Quiz -
Teacher: Pop quiz time.
L: Eh? I think I should go.
---
Jill: No, you have to take it for him. He'll get a zero if you don't.
---
L: But M's smarter than me. And I don't know what your class is doing.
---
L: And besides, the teacher wouldn't let me--
Teacher: Sure I will.
L: Eh?
- Subject -
L: What's the quiz about?
Teacher: Math.
---
L: I'm bad at that. Can we do art instead?
Teacher: No.
---
L: Well, can I get bonus points for drawing a pretty picture?
---
Teacher: Only if it moves me to tears.
L: How about a rainbow?
- Exponent -
*L raises her hand.
---
*Teacher comes over.
L: What's with the small number?
Teacher: That's an exponent.
L: Oh, okay.
---
*L raises her hand.
---
*Teacher comes over.
L: What's an exponent?
Teacher: Good luck.
- Back -
M: I'm back. Sorry I'm late.
Teacher: Don't worry. Your doppelganger stood in for you.
---
M: I assumed as much...
---
*M's holding out his hand.
M: L, you forgot this at home.
L: What?
---
*M puts Fred in L's hand.
L: AAAAHHHH!!!! ...jerk.
- Poor -
Teacher: I'll give back your quizzes now.
---
M: What quizzes?
Jill: We had a quiz while you were gone today.
---
M: I missed a quiz!?
Jill: Not exactly...
---
*Teacher hands quiz to M.
Teacher: A poor performance from you today, Sammy
M: ...
- Angry -
Jill: You seem angry.
M: I am.
---
*M is looking in bushes.
Jill: What are you doing?
M: Looking for something.
---
Jill: What?
M: Where's L?
---
Jill: Probably not in the bush.
- Real -
M: L, I have something for you.
---
*M puts spider on L's hand.
L: I'm not falling for it again that--
---
*Spider starts crawling up L's arm.
---
*L waves arm frantically.
L: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
- Home -
M: Mom!
---
Mom: What is it?
---
M: The idiot's causing problems again.
L: Hey.
---
Mom: Sammy, don't talk like that in front of her.
L: Hey!
- Two -
M: ...and so thanks to her I got a crappy score on the quiz.
L: I tried my best. It was hard.
---
M: If I were you I wouldn't be admitting that I actually tried.
L: What did I get?
---
M: Two out of ten.
L: That's better than I thought I would do.
---
M: You get one point for putting your name on the paper. You got half a point for writing "Sally".
L: Whoopsie.
@"Did I get any credit for the rainbow?"
- Point -
L: I really did try my best. It's not my fault I suck at math.
Mom: He's not mad because you're bad at math. You never should have taken the quiz for him.
---
L: But Jill said that if I didn't he would get a zero.
Mom: But you shouldn't have been there in the first place.
---
L: No, if I wasn't there he would have gotten a zero!
Mom: Not if Sammy was there to take it.
---
L: But he wasn't.
Mom: Because of you.
- Sorry -
L: M, I'm sorry.
---
M: Why?
L: Because you're mad at me.
---
M: Exactly.
---
*M walks away.
L: I don't know what that means!
- Forgiveness -
L: How do I make M forgive me?
---
Mom: You can't force him to forgive you.
---
Mom: It's like your hair. You can't make it grow instantly, but give it time and it'll get back to normal.
---
*L's running off.
L: That's it! Thanks Mom.
Mom: Oh dear...
@And thus, a new seed is planted in the mutagenic soil of L's mind.
- Fixed -
*L is back in her clothes and has ribbons in her hair.
M: What's with the hair nubs?
L: Now you don't have to worry about people thinking I'm you anymore. Problem fixed!
---
M: First, nobody ever thought you were me. Second, you look ridiculous.
---
L: Come on, just forgive me already.
M: It's been three hours.
---
L: Fine, how much longer?
M: It doesn't work like that.
- Reconciliation -
M: Fine, fine. If you're willing to make yourself look that stupid, I guess I can forgive you.
---
L: You really think I look stupid? I thought it was cute.
M: Oh, in that case--
---
L: No no. I look stupid. Very stupid.
M: And you smell bad.
---
L: What does that--
M: =_=
L: Okay, okay. I smell bad.
=== Doctor ===
- Hiding -
Mom: Sammy, can you help me find your sister?
M: Alright.
---
*M is looking.
---
*M is looking.
---
M: I give up, L. You win this round. Now it's my turn to hide.
L: *from hiding spot* Ha! I'm right--dammit.
- Whining -
*Riding in the car.
L: I don't want to go to the doctor!
---
M: And I don't want to sit here listening to your whining.
---
M: We all have to do things we--
L: I'm not even sick!
---
M: I'll gladly injure you.
- Split -
*L's whispering to M.
L: Here's the plan. When we get out of the car I'll yell "Split" and then we run in opposite directions.
---
L: Mom won't be able to catch both of us.
---
*Out of the car.
L: Split!
---
*L's trying to run. M is holding L's arm.
L: That's not the plan!
Mom: Thank you Sammy.
- Shot -
L: Are we gonna need shots?
---
M: No.
L: Good.
---
M: You will, but not me.
---
L: Wait, what!?
- Shot II -
M: Twelve years old is the girl shot. Sucks to be you.
---
L: What's the girl shot?
---
M: I don't know what it does, but only girls need to get it.
---
M: And according to Jill it's a really huge needle.
L: O_O
- Boy -
L: I know. My hairs still short. I can pretend to be a boy.
M: Let's count the ways that's a stupid idea.
---
M: One, the doctor already knows us.
M: Two, the chart will tell him you're a girl.
---
M: Three, mom will tell him your a girl.
M: Four, he'll be examining you.
---
M: Five, he's not a complete idiot.
L: I still have to try!
- Boy II -
L: Mom, you need to tell the doctor I'm a boy, okay?
---
Mom: Why?
L: I don't want the girl shot.
---
Mom: The what?
L: The girl shot. It's big and painful and I don't want it!
---
Mom: Has your brother been telling you things again?
- Relief -
L: So there's no girl shot?
Mom: No.
---
L: Phew, that's a relief.
---
L: I thought I was gonna need a shot.
---
Mom: Well, you do, but your brother will get it too.
L: O_O
- Gone -
Nurse: Sammy and Sally. We're ready for you now.
---
L: They asked me to tell you they had to leave. Sorry.
---
Nurse: Oh. In that case I guess we're ready for you, little girl.
---
M: You're an idiot.
- Height -
*L's being measured.
Nurse: Four feet, eleven and a half inches.
L: So close!
---
*M's being measured.
Nurse: Five feet even.
M: Ha, made it.
---
L: What? He's not taller than me. We're the same!
---
M: For the thousandth time, we're not identical.
L: No, not fair...
- Weight -
*L's being weighed
Nurse: Ninety-two pounds.
---
*M's being weighed
Nurse: Ninety-seven pounds.
---
L: Ha! At least you're fatter than me.
M: No, you're just weak and scrawny
---
*M is poking L.
L: Nuh-uh, you're--ow!
M: See.
- Pathetic -
Nurse: The doctor will be in shortly.
L: No rush.
---
*Nurse left.
M: Don't you feel embarrassed to act so pathetically.
---
L: No, why would I?
---
M: ...Never mind.
- Sick -
Dr: So, you two are here for a check up, correct?
---
L: No, just M.
M: He knows we're twins, idiot.
---
M: If you wanted to lie you should have said I was sick.
---
L: Oh, right. M has a cold. Fix him.
- Ear -
*Doctor is lookin in L's ear.
---
*M looks at L's other ear.
M: Hi Doctor.
---
L: That wasn't funny last time either.
---
M: Then why do I keep doing it?
- Nose -
Dr: I need to look in your nose next.
---
M: Should be easy, she cleans it out regularly.
---
L: How do I--
---
L: Oh. I do not.
- Throat -
Dr: Open your mouth and say "Ah."
---
L: AAAAHHHH!!!!
---
M: Say, idiot. Not scream.
---
L: Oh, right. Sorry.
- Reflex -
Dr: I'll check your reflexes now.
---
*Doctor hits L's knee with the reflex thingy. L hits M.
---
L: Sorry. Reflex.
---
M: Wonder what kind of reflex I'll have.
- Preflex -
*Doctor's getting ready to hit M's knee. M hits L.
---
L: Hey! He didn't even touch you yet.
---
M: Must've been a preflex. Sorry.
---
L: That's not a thing!
- Chest -
*Doctor's listening to M's chest.
---
L: Well Doc, has he grown a heart yet?
---
M: Quiet, scarecrow.
---
L: He--what?
- Risk -
Dr: Time for the boys only portion. You can wait in the hall, Sally.
---
L: Yeah, yeah.
---
*L's gone.
M: Careful, Mom. She's a flight risk.
---
*Mom's leaving.
Mom: Right. Thank you, Sammy.
- Peeping -
*In the hallway. M's coming out of the room.
M: You're turn.
---
L: No peeping.
---
M: Why would I want to go blind?
---
L: Oh, shut up.
- Almost -
*Both back inside.
L: So we're done, right?
Dr: Almost.
---
*Doctor holds up a needle.
L: Uh-oh...
Dr: So, who wants to go first.
---
*L's cowering.
M: Stop being a baby.
L: No, I wanna be a baby.
---
M: Okay, this is just too pathetic. I'll go first
- Ouch -
*Doctor's swabbing M's arm.
M: Look, it's easy.
---
*Doctor gives M shot.
M: It doesn't hu--
---
M: AAAAHHHH!!!!
---
M: Wah-haaa. Ow, ow, ow...
L: O_O
- Watch -
*Doctor's getting ready to give L a shot.
M: I... I can't watch this.
---
*M runs out of the room.
---
L: Oh God...
---
*In the hall.
M: Hahaha haha.
- Proof -
*L's holding her arm.
Mom: Sally, you need the shot.
L: No. It'll hurt.
---
Mom: Sally, your brother was just playing with you again.
L: How do you know?
---
Mom: Have you ever heard him scream like that before?
---
L: That just proves how painful it is!
- Pain -
*M's back in the room.
Mom: Sammy, this is your fault, so fix it.
---
M: Fine, fine. The solution's easy.
---
M: I just need to hurt her enough that she won't even feel the shot.
---
M: Gimme your hand, L. ^_^
L: Give me the damn shot.
- Separately -
Dr: We're all done here.
---
Mom: Thank you very much.
---
Dr: And, uh, once again. Could you please bring them separately next time.
---
Mom: I keep telling you, Sally would be even more difficult without Sammy. Trust me.
=== Pool ===
- Preview -
*M is sleeping.
---
*L pours water on M.
---
M: What was that for!?
---
L: We're going to the pool today. Thought I'd give you a preview.
- Rules -
M: So, how long until L breaks a rule?
Mom: Now Sammy, we both know she'll run as soon as we get inside.
---
M: True... three rules?
---
Mom: I'll say a minute.
M: I'll take under.
---
*Inside.
M: She ran to the pool and dove into the shallow end during adult swim.
Mom: That was certainly under a minute...
- Hug -
L: I'm cold.
M: Your own fault.
---
*L moving towards M
L: Hug for warmth!
---
*M holds up his towel to shield himself from L.
---
L: Grr...
M: You have to do better than that.
- Wave -
*In the pool.
L: Hey M, what did the ocean say to the beach?
---
*M splashes L.
---
L: I was gonna do that!
---
M: I know.
- Squirt -
*L uses her hands to squirt water at M.
---
L: Can you do this?
M: No...
---
*M splashes L.
M: But I can do this.
---
M: I find it to be more effective.
- Breath -
L: Let's see who can hold their breath longer.
M: If you insist.
---
*M is floating under water, L is treading water under water...or something...
---
*L is up.
...
---
*L pulls M's head out of the water.
L: You win.
M: Already?
- Request -
*L's on the diving board.
L: What should I do?
---
M: Do a flip!
---
L: I can't. I'd just end up doing a backflop.
---
M: Oh... Do a backflop!
- Size -
L: How about a cannonball?
---
M: I'd say you're more analogous to an orange. Maybe a grapefruit.
---
L: How about I do it on you.
---
M: That'd be pretty impressive from over there.
- Push -
M: Bet I can stop you from getting out of the pool.
L: You're on!
---
*L slips by M.
---
*L is standing on the side of the pool triumphantly.
M: ^_^
L: Hahaha. I win--uh, why are you smiling.
---
*Jill pushes L into the pool.
- Traitor -
L: Grr. Why are you here!?
Jill: My house doesn't have running water. I come here to use the shower.
---
L: Then get to it already.
Jill: I was kidding... M told me you were gonna be here today.
---
L: Traitor! Why would you tell her?
M: I thought she'd assume I was lying and go somewhere else.
---
M: Plan backfired.
L: You suck.
- Breath II -
L: I bet I can hold my breath longer than you at least.
Jill: Oh really?
---
M: L, you'll do a lot better if you just close your eyes and relax. Moving around uses up oxygen.
L: Oh, okay.
---
*Blackness
...
---
*L's up, others are gone.
L: Wow that did--hey!
- Lucky -
L: Mom, look at Jill's bathing suit. M's girlfriend is a slut.
---
Mom: Lucky him.
---
L: Moooom!
---
Mom: Your overreacting, Sally.
- Towel -
*L is sitting on one towel and has another wrapped around her.
M: I need one of those.
---
L: Too bad. I got here first.
---
Jill: That's okay, we can both huddle under mine.
M: Oh, alri--
---
*L throws the towel at M's head.
- Doggy -
L: Let's see whose the fastest swimmer.
---
Jill: Okay. Any particular style?
---
L: I like doggy style. Let's do that.
---
M: Paddle, L. You like doggy paddle.
L: What's the difference?
- Backfloat -
Jill: Let's see who can backfloat better.
L: You'll take any excuse to show M your chest, won't you?
---
Jill: That's not--
M: What chest?
---
Jill: Hey!
L: Ha ha.
---
Jill: What're you laughing at, fence post?
L: You.
@That works for both flat and dumb.
- Ball -
Jill: What should we do next?
---
M: Keep away from L.
---
Jill: Alright, do you have a ball?
---
M: For what?
- Shower -
Jill: We're gonna go shower now.
L: Remember, no peeping.
---
Jill: Well, you can peep at me if you want.
L: O_O
---
*L's walking off.
L: Moooom!
Jill: Your sister really needs to learn to detect a joke.
M: Aww, you were joking?
---
Jill: ... Moooom!
- Name -
Jill: What's your mom's name, anyway?
---
M: Mom.
---
Jill: No idiot. Her real name.
---
M: Oh, I guess that'd be Mother. But she usually goes by Mom.
Jill: ...
- Name II -
L: Mom says you're not allowed to peep at any girls, whether they want you to or not.
*M facepalms.
---
Jill: Hey, what's your mom's name
L: Mom?
---
Jill: Yes, but her real name.
L: Oh... I don't know.
---
Jill: You don't know your mom's name... seriously?
L: I always call her Mom.
- Previously -
*L is sleeping
---
*M pours water on L.
---
L: AAAAHHHH!!!! Why...?
---
M: We went to the pool yesterday. Thought I'd refresh your memory in case it's relevent today.
=== Babysitter ===
// This is another one I was thinking of cutting... Too many strips don't seem
// worthwhile on their own, but are somewhat needed for the arc as a whole.
- Babysitter -
Mom: As you two know I'll be away overnight tonight.
---
L: So we get a new babysitter to play with, right?
---
Mom: No, I can't do that to any more innocent people.
---
Mom: Sammy will be in charge.
L: O_O
M: O_O
- Why -
M: Why are you doing this to me?
L: Yeah, why are you doing this to him?
---
Mom: I'd like to speak with each of you individually.
---
M: To give me chloroform...?
---
L: Probably a tearful goodbye.
- Faith -
*Just M and Mom.
M: She won't listen to me.
Mom: Name one babysitter she has.
---
M: She'll be extra resentful.
Mom: Perhaps, but you know how to handle her better than anyone else.
---
Mom: I have faith.
M: That really doesn't help me...
---
M: What do I get?
- Challenge -
Mom: You like challenges, right?
M: Sometimes.
---
Mom: Here's a list of things Sally's supposed to do. You get paid based on how many you accomplish.
---
M: Alright, I'm intrigued. What kind of authority do I get?
---
Mom: Absolute, but you'll be the only one here to enforce it.
- Clarify -
M: So I can do whatever I want to her?
---
Mom: Uh... let's go with nothing permanent.
M: Alright, I can work with that.
---
Mom: And you're still accountable for whatever you do do.
M: So then I have no actual authority...
---
Mom: Well, she's technically supposed to do whatever you say.
M: Yeah... None.
- Threat -
L: I won't listen to him.
---
Mom: That's the first thing Sammy said, too. But I disagree.
---
L: Is that supposed to be a threat?
---
Mom: No. I just have a feeling things will work out.
L: ...
- Alike -
L: So...I won't get in trouble if I don't listen to M?
---
Mom: No, but you will be punished for anything you'd normally be punished for.
---
L: I see... Okay, I can work with that.
---
Mom: You two really are more alike than you appear.
L: Huh?
- Start -
Mom: I expect both of you and the house to all be in one piece when I get back.
M: And that doesn't mean she wants you to glue us to the house.
---
Mom: Goodbye now.
M: Goodbye.
L: See ya.
---
...
---
L: I'm not gonna listen to you.
M: We'll see.
- Pointless -
M: So I've got this list of things you're supposed to do, but we both know that's pointless...
---
M: You can do what you want, just don't break anything.
---
L: No promises.
---
M: I'll be doing homework.
- Try -
L: I'm bored! You're not even gonna try?
---
M: The fact that you want me to try tells me I've made the right choice.
---
M: I'll fail, Mom will realize she was wrong, and we'll get a real babysitter next time.
---
L: You just know you can't get me to do anything on that list.
M: Exactly.
- Easy -
L: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right? So play with me, dammit.
---
M: Do the list and I'll play whatever you want.
---
L: I'm not that dumb.
M: Guess not.
---
M: Oh well, I'm gonna invite Jill over.
L: Give me the damn list.
- List -
L: Let's see. Homework... I guess I can do that.
---
L: Clean room... You can do that.
---
L: Proper dinner... We can lie about that.
---
*M snatches paper.
M: We're doing it right or not at all.
L: That's stupid.
- Dinner -
M: I'll start dinner, you start your homework.
L: I want ice cream.
---
M: Maybe later.
L: For dinner.
---
M: No.
L: I'm not liking this.
---
M: Let me know if you want to give up.
L: We'll see...
- Pizza -
M: Dinner's ready.
L: You ordered a pizza. How's that a proper dinner?
---
M: By comparing it to ice cream.
---
M: Besides, mom gave me money for dinner, what was I supposed to get?
---
M: I'll be happy to steam you some vegetables though.
L: No, no. Pizza.
- Homework -
M: How's your homework coming?
L: I finished it.
---
M: Good. Let me see it.
L: Why?
---
...
---
*L's walking off.
L: Fine, I'll do it.
- Cleaning -
M: Let's clean your room.
L: No, you can do it.
---
M: Alright, we can either do it together and get it done quickly...
---
M: Or I can do it and hide rubber spiders all over the place.
---
L: You suck...
- Good -
M: Alright, you're being a good girl. We can have ice cream now.
---
L: I almost don't want it...
---
M: Don't be like that. You can put whipped cream on it.
---
L: I hate you so much.
- Bathe -
M: You need to take a bath or shower.
L: You're my babysitter. You do it.
---
*M pushes L into the bathroom.
L: Hey, stop, what are you--
---
M: Strip.
L: Ew! Get out!
---
*M's comes back out and shuts the door.
M: Pathetic...
- Strawberry -
L: There, I showered.
M: Use your shampoo?
---
L: Yeah--Hey!
*M smells L's hair
---
M: Why doesn't your hair smell like strawberries?
L: Uh...
---
M: Try again.
- Teeth -
L: There, I showered...again.
M: Good. Brush your teeth?
---
L: Uh, yeah.
---
M: Do I really need to smell your breath?
---
*L storms back into the bathroom.
L: Ugh!
- Trouble -
M: Okay, list says bed by nine. It's 8:40, so we can do what you want for the next twenty minutes.
---
L: Yeah, I'm not going to bed.
---
M: But the list--
L: It's too late for Jill to come over. I'm done with your stupid list.
---
M: Damn. I was hoping you'd be too stupid to realize that.
- Compromise -
M: If you don't follow the list then I won't play with you.
---
L: For twenty minutes. Who cares.
---
M: Fine, I'll do whatever you want if you promise to go to bed at ten.
L: That's still failing your precious list.
---
M: Bed at ten is still better than up all night.
L: Okay, deal.
- Fort -
*Big fort of blankets and pillows.
M: I must admit, this is a fairly impressive fort.
L: Yep!
---
M: So, will you go to bed now?
L: Can we sleep in the fort?
---
M: It's not like there're any pillows or blankets anywhere else in the house.
---
L: Hooray!
M: ...
- Morning -
*M's standing outside the fort. L's inside.
M: Time to wake up
L: No.
---
M: You need to protect the fort from attackers.
---
L: Who's attacking?
---
M: Me if you don't come out.
- Almost -
M: We're almost done. We just need breakfast, brush your teeth--
L: Again?
---
M: Yes, again. Then make your bed and get to school--
L: My bed?
---
L: I never make my bed. Why should I have to do that.
---
M: Because it's on the list.
- Principal -
L: I won't make my bed, and you can't either. It's a matter of principal.
---
M: What principal?
---
L: Mom just wants to see how much she can make you make me do.
---
L: There's no way I'm gonna do everything, especially not things I shouldn't have to.
- Done -
L: I'm done with you and your list.
---
M: Look, I'll make breakfast. If you brush your teeth I'll let you keep your stupid bed unmade.
---
M: But we're getting to school on time because I don't want to be late. Okay?
---
L: Fine. But I'm making sure my bed's not made before we leave.
M: Whatever...
- Over -
*At school.
M: Well L, it's over. Mom will be home before we are.
---
M: It's been... something.
---
L: I've had worse babysitters I guess.
---
L: Still, I feel like you didn't suffer enough.
M: See ya.
- Results -
Mom: Wow, so you actually did everything on the list.
---
L: What!? No he didn't! I made sure he didn't!
---
M: You made sure I didn't finish "a" list, but who says that was "the" list?
L: O_O
---
L: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
- Reward -
M: So what do I get for a perfect score?
---
Mom: I don't know. I wasn't expecting this.
---
M: I thought you had faith in me?
---
Mom: Yes, that you wouldn't let her burn the house down. That's all I was really looking for.
=== Bowling ===
- Fun -
L: Why do you want her here?
---
Jill: Funny, I was just about say that.
---
...
---
M: This is gonna be fun.
- Shoes -
*Getting shoes.
Jill: Five please.
---
L: Ha! Six.
Jill: You think big feet are a good thing?
---
L: Of course bigger's better.
Jill: What do you think M?
---
M: I think this may have been a mistake.
- Bet -
L: I bet I'm a better bowler than you.
Jill: Fine. What do you want to bet?
---
L: We'll bet M.
---
M: Hold on, what does that--
Jill: Deal.
---
M: Hey, I didn't agree--
L & Jill: Stay out of this.
- Elaborate -
M: Could you guys at least elaborate as to what this bet means?
---
L & Jill: Uh...
---
Jill: Winner gets M all to themself for a week. Loser has to stay away from him.
---
L: Good.
M: You two are really ruining the fun here.
- Bumpers -
L: We get bumpers, right?
*M facepalms.
---
Jill: Sounds good to me.
M: Wait, what?
---
Jill: I'm...not that good at bowling.
L: Me either...
---
M: Too bad. If you want me to be your reward then you don't get bumpers.
- Order -
L: I go first.
---
Jill: I think M should go first.
---
L: F-Fine... But I go before you.
---
Jill: Whatever.
- Balls -
Jill: How heavy is your ball?
L: Eight.
---
Jill: Eight? Ha, I have ten.
---
L: Oh yeah, then I'm gonna go find a twelve!
---
M: L, wait, mines only eleven...
Jill: She won't listen to reason.
- Fire -
M: What's wrong with you? Why are you letting L get you all pissy?
---
Jill: I'm just getting tired of her acting like she owns you. It doesn't annoy you?
---
M: I guess I've gotten used to it. Still, you're acting incredibly immature.
---
Jill: Just fighting fire with fire.
M: An intelligent person would use a metaphorical fire extinguisher.
- Mature -
Jill: Why do I have to be the mature one?
---
M: You can do what you want. Just don't think you're winning points by making L look stupid.
---
Jill: L doesn't need any help to look stupid.
---
M: Exactly.
- Good -
Jill: Wow, you hit pins with both balls.
---
M: And this impresses you?
---
Jill: I don't do that very often...
---
M: Don't worry, neither does L.
L: Oh yeah, Just watch!
- Heavy -
*L's prepared to bowl.
---
*L falls backwards as she swings the ball back.
L: AAAHHH!!!
---
*L's sitting on the alley with the ball next to her.
---
*L's walking past the others.
Jill: Need a lighter ball?
L: Shut up.
- Worse -
Jill: Two gutters. Impressive.
L: Shut up.
---
L: Let's see if you can do better.
---
Jill: I can't do worse.
L: We'll see.
---
M: Uh, no, she literally can't do worse.
L: Ah--shut up.
- Better -
L: Wow, a three.
Jill: That's infinitely better than you.
---
L: It's three better than me.
Jill: I choose to see it my way
---
L: M, how do you see it.
---
M: I was told to stay out of this, and I think that's exactly what I'm gonna do from now on.
- Fred -
*M's walking back from bowling and drops Fred on the lane.
M: You're up, L.
L: Right!
---
*L's ready to bowl.
---
*L's ball is flying backwards. M ducks.
L: AAAAHHHH!!!!
---
*M slinks away, L is stomping on Fred.
L: Dammit, Fred!
- Motive -
Jill: You know he did that because he wants you to lose.
---
L: Nah-uh! He's just a jerk.
---
Jill: Can't it be both.
---
L: No. Now shut up.
- Unfair -
L: M, do you want me to lose?
M: I'm staying out of it.
---
L: But you tried to mess me up.
M: What, oh. I just wanted to laugh at you.
---
M: I suppose that is unfair though. I'll see what I can do.
---
L: Good. I knew you didn't want me to lose.
- Balance -
M: Y'know, you look pretty funny when you bowl.
Jill: Eh--what?
---
M: Yeah, it looks like you're doing some weird little dance move or something.
---
Jill: O...kay.
---
*Jill's gone.
L: She looks normal enough to me.
M: I know. Just balancing things out.
- Success -
L: Ha, a zero.
M: Yeah, that worked better than I though.
---
Jill: Huh?
M: Well, I realized it was unfair to screw L up, so I said you look funny so you'd be self-conscious.
---
M: Seems to have done its job though.
Jill: O_o
---
L: Ha, told you he didn't want you to win.
Jill: He doesn't want you to win either.
- Hopeless -
*L's pouting.
M: Cheer up. This is supposed to be fun.
---
L: It's hopeless. She's twelve pins ahead of me and there's only a couple frames left.
---
M: Nothing is hopeless until you give up hope.
---
L: That doesn't make sense... I give up hope bacause it's hopeless.
M: Never mind...
- Choke -
L: I hope you choke.
---
Jill: Pfft, there's no way you're gonna win at this point.
---
L: I meant on your food.
---
Jill: M, are you gonna let her talk to me like that?
M: I'm still staying out of it.
- Winner -
Jill: Final score, Jill: 66, L: 58.
---
Jill: I win!
---
M: Guess again.
L & Jill: Huh?
---
M: I got 102, which means I win.
- Player -
*L is dancing in the background.
Jill: How do you win?
M: I knocked over the most pins.
---
Jill: But you weren't playing.
M: Then why is my name on the screen?
---
Jill: Yeah, but you weren't betting.
---
M: Why would I offer myself as a prize if there was nothing for me to win?
- Peace -
Jill: What then, nobody wins?
M: No, I win.
---
L: Okay, so who do you want to spend the week with?
---
M: Me, that was the prize. And as losers, you both have to stay away from me.
---
L: That's boring.
M: Peaceful, L. The word is peaceful.
- Penalty -
L: Haha! You don't get anything for beating me.
M: Good point. L, you have to stay away from me for eight days.
---
L: What!? You can't do that!
Jill: Haha! Serves you right.
---
M: Okay, you have to wait eight days too.
Jill: Ah--damn...
---
L: Haha!
Jill: You really are an idiot.
*M facepalms.
- Friends -
L: What am I supposed to do?
Jill: Yeah, can't we just forget this whole bet thing?
---
M: No, but if the two of you are bored why don't you do something together?
---
L: Ew.
Jill: Seriously?
---
M: Seriously. You guys need to learn to get along or I'll have to spend a lot less time with both of you.
=== Armistice ===
- Hate -
L: What do you want?
Jill: M is right. We need to learn how to get along.
---
L: But I hate you.
Jill: Why?
---
L: Because you suck.
Jill: Why?
---
L: Because you're an asshat.
Jill: Constructive as these reasons are, think you could give a little more details?
- Ultimatum -
Jill: Fine, if you don't want to try and get along then why not just give M an ultimatum?
L: Fine, let's go.
---
Jill: I'm not going.
L: Why not?
---
Jill: Because M's the type that would automatically pick whoever isn't giving him the ultimatum.
L: Fine, then we'll decide who gets him!
---
Jill: Or we could try getting along.
L: With each other?
- Split -
L: So, how do we decide who gets M?
---
Jill: You don't even want to try to get along?
L: Nope, so how do we do it?
---
Jill: We could ask King Solomon.
L: Who?
---
Jill: Never mind.
- Compliment -
Jill: I don't have any problem with you other than the fact that you have a problem with me.
---
L: That's not true. You think I'm an immature idiot.
---
Jill: So does M, but he seems to like you.
---
L: ...thank you.
Jill: You took that as a compliment?
- Armistice -
Jill: Look, we need an armistice of sorts.
---
L: Isn't that, like, a dresser?
Jill: I think you're thinking of an armoire.
---
L: Oh, then what's an, uh, Artemis?
Jill: I think that's a Greek God of some sort.
---
Jill: But an armistice is like a ceasefire.
L: Oh... whatever.
- Reason -
Jill: So, do you hate me bacause I'm a girl, or is M not allowed to have any friends other than you?
---
L: It's not like that!
---
Jill: Okay, then why do you hate me?
L: Because--
---
Jill: And "Becuase you suck" isn't a valid answer.
L: Give me a minute...
- Easy -
L: You always tease me and laugh at me.
---
Jill: Well, yeah, but I do that to M too.
---
L: You do it to me more.
---
Jill: That's just because you make it so easy.
- Teams -
L: You two team up against me.
---
Jill: Just when there's an opportunity. It's not like we try pick on you specifically.
---
L: Neither of you ever team up with me.
Jill: You wouldn't team up with me if I asked...
---
Jill: And M probably doesn't team up with you because you really want to kill me.
L: Only a little.
- Progress -
Jill: Okay, I promise not to pick on you so much.
L: Really?
---
Jill: Really.
L: Okay... Is there anything I'm supposed to do?
---
Jill: Basically just try not to hate me so much.
L: I guess I can try to do that. A little.
---
Jill: Also, if you could turn down the twincest vibe a bit, that'd be nice.
L: What's twincest?
- Less -
L: Ew! There is not a twincest vibe!
---
Jill: If you say so.
---
L: Aren't you supposed to stop picking on me?
---
Jill: I said less.
- Proof -
Jill: Alright, M. We've made up and we're gonna try to get along.
M: Okay, prove it.
---
L: How do we do that?
M: Hmm...
---
M: Kiss?
L: o_O
Jill: -_-
---
*L turns to kiss Jill, Jill puts her hand in front of L's face.
Jill: We're not doing that.
M: Wouldn't be the first time...
- Peace -
*L and Jill are hugging.
---
Jill: We hugged, happy?
M: Yeah, I suppose.
L: So we can play with you now?
---
M: No, I'm enjoying the peace.
L: But--
---
Jill: Okay, go ahead and enjoy it...while it lasts, that is.
L: Ooh, I like the sound of that.
- Plotting -
M: I haven't heard anything break today. Did L go somewhere?
---
Mom: She's at Jill's house. They've been spending a lot of time together lately.
---
M: Oh... I see.
Mom: Something wrong?
---
M: I think they may be plotting against me.
Mom: Oh, that sounds like fun.
- Priorities -
M: Well girls, the weeks up... What happened to ruining my peace?
---
L: Yeah, we were gonna do that...
Jill: We thought of all kinds of ways to drive you crazy.
---
Jill: But then we ended up having fun just hanging out.
L: Yup. We decided you weren't worth our time.
---
M: Uh... thank you?
- Doll -
M: So, what do you want to do today?
Jill: Actually, we already had plans.
---
L: Girl stuff. Sorry.
M: Oh... okay.
---
Jill: Unless you want to play dress-up with us.
L: You could be our doll!
---
M: Eh--pass.
- Lonely -
M: Where's L?
Mom: She went over to Jill's again.
---
Mom: Miss your sister, huh?
M: ...yeah.
---
M: Please don't tell her.
Mom: If that's what you want...
---
Mom: But if you tell her she might play with you.
M: And I'd pay for it the rest of my life.
- Sad -
*M has Fred in his hand.
M: Well, Fred. I guess you're the only friend I have left...
---
...
---
M: Now I'm depressed.
---
*M goes into his room. There's a piece of paper on his bed.
M: Huh?
- Paper -
*M's holding the paper.
M: Hmm... Looks like Jill's handwriting...
---
M: "Last night I had another special dream about Sammy--"
---
M: Whoa... I should really stop reading this...
---
*Continues reading.
- Red -
*L and Jill walk in. M hides the paper behind his back.
Jill: Hey M, we--wow, your face is red.
M: Eh... R-really?
---
L: What's behind your back?
---
*L snatches the paper.
L: Hmm... "Last night I had another special dream about Sammy..."
---
*Pointing at Jill.
L: Hey, now your face is red.
- Circle -
Jill: Where did you get this!?
M: It was sitting on my bed...
---
Jill: You did this!
L: No I didn't!
---
Jill: Then who did!?
L: Maybe you did it!
---
Jill: I did not!
L: Then who did!?
- Click -
Jill: She did this to embarrass me!
L: She did this to frame me!
---
L: Well M?
Jill: Who do you believe?
M: I, uh, need to consult my lawyer?
---
L & Jill: No!
M: Uh...
---
*Jill pulls out a camera and takes a picture of M.
Jill: *click*
M: What the hell was that?
- Face -
Jill: ^_^
L: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
M: What's going on...?
---
L: We got you good!
Jill: *click*
---
M: This was all...a setup?
L: That's right!
Jill: *click*
---
L: You should see the look on your face!
Jill: He will. *click*
M: Would you stop that!
- Appropriate -
M: So that's fake then...
Jill: Duh.
---
M: Why...?
L: It's what you get for not spending any time with us.
---
M: This is not an appropriate response to me wanting a week to myself.
---
Jill: Perhaps, but it is a hilarious response.
- Challenge -
Jill: L pointed out that we always team up and laugh at her, so I wanted to even things up a bit.
---
M: But you're always on the winning side.
Jill: Duh, I'm awesome.
---
L: Don't worry M, that just means it's our turn to team up.
Jill: Bring it on. I'll see through anything you two can come up with.
---
L: We'll get her, right M?
M: Patience, young one. We must choose our moment wisely.
L: I'm older than you.
- Tolerance -
M: So you two are friends now?
L: Ew.
Jill: Yeah, I wouldn't go that far.
---
Jill: We can tolerate each other though. Right?
L: Uh-huh.
---
M: I guess that's good enough. But what've you two been doing all week.
---
L: Planning ways to torture you.
Jill: The fun has just begun, my friend.
M: Fantastic...
=== Magic ===
- Awake -
*L has a magician hat on, standing next to M's bed. M is asleep.
L: Ahem. For my first trick I will make your blanket and pillows disappear!
---
M: Hrrmwha...
---
*L throws M's blanket and pillows across the room.
M: Ack!
---
L: Ta-dah!!!
M: Oh no...
- Name -
L: From now on you shall call me "L the Magnificent"
---
M: Go away, L the Maleficent.
L: That's not what I said!
---
...
---
L: What does that mean, anyway?
M: It means go away.
- Handkerchief -
*L throws a cup of water in M's face.
---
L: Handkerchief?
*L holds out a handkerchief, M grabs it.
---
*M's pulling at the long chain of handkerchiefs
---
*M wraps the handkerchiefs around L's neck.
L: Hey, what're you... Mooom!
- Rabbit -
*L's showing her hat.
L: See there's nothing in my hat.
---
*M grabs the hat and pulls out the fake top and the stuffed rabbit.
---
*M hands back the hat.
M: There you go, now there's nothing.
---
*L picks up the rabbit.
L: Ta-dah!!!
- Volunteer -
L: I'll now need a volunteer from the audience.
---
*M tosses Fred at L.
---
L: A human volunteer.
---
M: Good luck with that.
- Blackmail -
L: Fine, if you won't volunteer I'll just have to make Fred disappear.
---
...
---
...
---
M: I'm not worried.
L: Why not!?
- Pick -
*L's holding out cards.
L: Pick a card, any card.
M: I want the ace of spades.
---
*L hands M the deck.
L: Fine.
---
*M's holding a card. L has the rest back.
L: Your card is the ace of spades...
---
*M's shows card.
M: Nah, I got tired of searching and settled for the three of clubs.
L: -_-
- Look -
*M's picking a card.
L: Pick a card for real this time.
M: Fine.
---
L: Now put the card anywhere back in the deck.
*M puts card into deck.
---
*L's shuffling.
---
*L holds up card.
L: Is this your card?
M: I don't know. You never told me to look at my card.
- Deck -
*L puts the cards down.
---
*L picks up a different deck.
---
L: Pick a card.
M: Why did you change decks?
---
L: Uh...because that one was dirty.
M: Right...
- Match -
L: Now, memorize your card, then put it into my hat.
---
*M puts card into L's hat
---
*L: Puts the hat on and shows M a card.
L: Is this your card?
---
*M lifts L's hat; there's a card on L's head.
M: No, that's my card. They do match though.
L: I hate you...
- Word -
L: Now tap the top of the deck and say a magic word!
---
*M taps the deck.
M: Please.
---
L: -_-
---
L: Is this your card?
M: It actually is.
- Rabbit II -
L: I shall now make the rabbit disappear.
---
L: ...Wait, where'd it go?
---
*L's searching.
...
---
L: Ta-dah!!!
*M facepalms.
- Dollar -
L: I'll need a dollar for my next trick.
---
M: You should have thought of that before the show started.
---
*L holds out her hand.
L: *Ahem*
---
*M gives L a dollar.
M: I feel like I'm being bullied...
- Handcuffs -
L: If you'd kindly handcuff my hands behind my back.
---
M: Sure, can I put a straight jacket on you too.
L: The handcuffs will do fine.
---
*L is handcuffed.
M: There.
---
M: Oh, and I pulled out these little release buttons. It'll be a better trick this way.
L: o_0
- Free -
*L is struggling with the handcuffs.
M: They're metal, L. You can't break them.
---
*L's walking away.
L: Fine...
---
*L's gone.
...
---
*L's back, holding the handcuffs.
L: Ta-dah!
M: You can't say "Ta-dah" after using the key.
- Admission -
M: How, exactly, was a dollar necessary for that trick?
---
L: That's what it costs to see it.
---
...
---
M: I want my money back.
L: No refunds.
- Hand -
*L's holding up her hand.
L: For my next trick I'd like you to look closely at the palm of my hand.
---
*M looks closely.
---
*L smacks M.
---
L: You have now been tricked.
M: -_-
- Half -
L: If you could lay on the bed, please.
---
*M does.
L: I will now saw my volunteer in half.
---
*L puts a blanket over M.
M: I'm your only audience member and I think I'll be able to tell if I'm really--
---
*L takes out a saw.
M: That's a real--Mooom!
- Finale -
L: That was supposed to be my finale...
---
M: Makes sense. Hard to hang onto an audience's attention after you kill them.
---
L: With a real audience the volunteer wouldn't be all of them.
---
M: Really? Not gonna refute the murder part?
- Lovely -
L: Well. I guess that's enough practice.
M: Were you watching the same show I was?
---
L: Time to take it to the street.
M: With witnesses?
---
*L takes out some flashy outfit.
L: Here's your costume, lovely assistant.
M: Ah, so that's why you tried to kill me.
---
L: Huh?
M: I'd have to be dead before I let you put that on me.
=== Adventure ===
- Plan -
L: Today we'll be going on a grand fantasy adventure!
---
M: Aw, wish I could but I already have plans with Jill today.
---
Jill: This is our plan.
M: Eh, what?
---
M: You guys set me up, didn't you
L: Yup!
- Knight -
Jill: We need to choose our classes before we start our adventure. I'll be the knight.
---
M: Why would a girl want to be a knight?
---
M: Isn't the point of being a knight so you can save pretty girls from dragons and towers and such?
---
M: Or... Is that what you're after?
Jill: Shut up.
- Elf -
L: I'm gonna be an elf because elves are supposed to be beautiful.
---
M: I'm not following you're logic
L: -_-
---
Jill: She wishes she was beautiful. Seems simple enough logic to me.
---
L: I hate you guys...
- Mage -
M: Okay, I guess I'll be a thief or ninja or something...
L: Nope, you're a mage.
---
*Jill throws a blanket over M.
M: Wait, what's happening?
---
*L's tying a rope around M.
---
Jill: Perfect.
M: I require sleeves...
L: No you don't.
- Costumes -
*Girls have crappy costumes now.
L: So what do you think of our costumes.
M: o_0
---
M: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
---
*Jill pushes M down.
---
*M's lying on the floor.
M: Touché...
- Embarassing -
L: Our first task is to get to the park safely!
---
M: I am not going out in public like this... you two should feel the same way.
---
Jill: Please, L doesn't know the meaning of the word embarassing.
---
M: What about you?
Jill: Your suffering makes it worthwhile.
- Narration -
L: Equipped for the journey that lie ahead, the party departs their home.
---
L: Among their ranks are Elia, the beautiful elven archer with impeccable aim.
---
L: Jillius, the veteran knight, courageous and honorable.
---
L: And Emtee, the grumpy mage who has no arms.
M: I can still kick, y'know.
- Bandits -
L: Bandits ahead!
Jill: Quick Emtee, cast a spell!
M: -_-
---
M: Uh, fireball, or something.
---
L: No, you need to cast the spell, with, like, a magical phrase.
---
Jill: An encantation.
L: Yeah, that! And put some feeling into it!
M: -_-
- Encantation -
M: Aquatic spirits please hear my cry; Awaken from slumber which doth does lie;
---
M: And with the mighty element at thy command; Wash mine enemies clear from this land!
---
M: Spit!
---
*M spits.
L & Jill: -_-
- Encantation II -
L: No, no, no! It's supposed to be something like this.
---
L: Super-duper mega-uber mighty-awesome ultra-ginormous Giga-blast!
---
L: Ka-boom!!!
---
M: That had no meter or rhyme scheme whatsoever.
L: It's not supposed to be a poem!
- Narration II -
L: Despite Emtee's pitiful casting, the party reaches their first destination unscathed.
---
L: However, they still must traverse the scorching desert and delve deep into the ruins if they are to find their treasure.
---
M: Did you research these stupid speeches? You don't have this much vocabulary.
---
L: Jill wrote 'em for me!
Jill: You like 'em?
M: I do not.
- Teleport -
L: This is a trick desert, the only way to get to the middle is to go all around the outside.
---
M: Magical spirits and powers that be; To hell with physics, just teleport me!
---
*M walks onto the jungle gym.
---
M: Good luck finding your way in.
L: That's cheating!
- Hand -
M: Hey, you guys made it.
---
L: No thanks to you.
Jill: You could've teleported us too, y'know.
---
M: Would have, but we need to hold hands for that.
---
Jill: Don't make me push you again.
- Encantation III -
L: There are multiple paths to take through the ruins.
Jill: Which way should we go?
---
M: Surrounding me the wind doth blow; Forever strong, and never slow;
---
M: And through your wispers I now know; The path down which I soon must go.
L: So, what did the spell tell you?
---
M: What spell? That just felt like a poetic moment.
- Saved -
Jill: We should go up first.
L: Right.
---
L: Oh no! A dragon!
Jill: It's breathing fire at us!
---
M: Aquatic spirits, protect us from the blazes of Hell; Hydro Shield!
---
*L's hugging M.
L: Emtee! You saved us!
M: If I knew you would do this to me I wouldn't have.
- Eye -
M: The dragon's still out there you know.
L: That's okay, I'll just bull's eye it as soon as you drop the shield.
---
M: You couldn't hit the eye of a bull if it was inspecting the tip of your arrow.
---
L: Oh yeah, well you couldn't hit the eye of... of a hurricane!
---
M: Well duh, It'd need to be like a ten ton arrow to not get blown away by a hurricane.
L: Shut up!
- Shower -
Jill: Elia, you shoot to guide it towards me and then I'll cut it's belly open as it flies over me.
L: Right!
---
*L is pretending to shoot, Jill is swinging her sword.
---
Jill: Nice work, I got him!
M: Storm clouds gather and douse all below you! Shower!
---
Jill: What was that for?
M: You were covered in dragon blood, thought you might want to clean off.
L: Ew!
- Real -
L: Lunch time!
---
M: Are you two going to feed me?
---
L: Why don't you just use your magic to eat?
---
M: Because it's about as real as your elven beauty.
L: Then you should have no problem at all.
- Treasure -
*Under the jungle gym.
Jill: This should be where the treasure's burried.
L: Time to dig, team!
---
M: I'm starting to like this no arms thing. Good luck, girls.
---
*Girls are digging.
---
*L holds up a compass.
L: Daa da da daa! We've found the magic compass!
M: Hey, that's mine!
Jill: No, it's all of ours.
- Compass -
L: It's all of ours now. It's our magical treasure seeking compass.
---
M: No, it's MY regular north pointing compass.
---
L: There could be treasure north of here.
M: Yeah, but...
---
Jill: Outsmarted by L... That's gotta hurt.
L: Yeah, take that!
- Narration III -
L: Only through the combined efforts of Elia's elven instincts, Jillius's unwavering valor...
---
L: And Emtee's ceaseless cynicism was the party able to overcome all obstacles before them.
---
L: Their arduous journey for the magical compass now complete, the weary travellers at last set their sights for home.
---
L: Where they shall claim their hot cocoa, which Momother promised would await them.
M: Awesome.
- Encantation IV -
*On the way home. Getting dark.
L: Oh, no. More bandits!
Jill: They're using the darkness for cover.
M: Don't worry, I've got this.
---
M: Evanescent Light; Please grant us sight; Once more shine bright; From highest height;
---
M: So that we might; Do just and right; And win this fight; On darkest night.
---
*M turns on a flashlight under his cloak.
M: Flashlight!
L & Jill: -_-
- Prepared -
Jill: Why, exactly, did you have a flashlight?
M: I've learned to be prepared when L drags me out of the house.
---
Jill: What else do you bring?
M: Flashlight, snack, panic whistle, band-aids, aspirin--
---
Jill: Aspirin?
M: L is a leading source of headaches.
---
M: I also wanted chloroform, but Mom wouldn't buy me any.
- Narration IV -
L: And so the book closes on this first chapter of the party's epic adventure.
---
M: Oh no, there's gonna be more, isn't there?
---
L: Where will they next be led by the magical compass. Could it be a wonderous utopia, or through the depths of hell?
---
M: Can I put money on the latter?
=== Cousin ===
- Visitor -
Mom: Sammy, Sally, guess who's coming to visit us.
---
L: Aliens?
M: L's brain?
---
Mom: No, neither of those.
L: Hey!
---
Mom: It's your cousin.
L: 8D
M: -_-
- Admiration -
Jill: What's wrong with your cousin?
---
M: He admires L. she's his role model.
---
Jill: Ah, I understand.
---
M: No. You don't.
// J is somewhere around 7 or 8 years old.
- Arrival -
*J is running towards L.
Mom: We're back.
J: L!!!
---
*J is hugging L.
Jill: Hello, I'm--
---
J: Grrr!!!
Jill: o_o
---
L: Easy boy, it's okay.
J: =_=
Jill: o_0
M: Tip of the iceberg...
- J -
L: That's Jill, M's friend. Jill, this is J.
---
Jill: Please tell me his name isn't Sajjy.
---
M: No, it's J for Junior, because he wants to be L Jr.
---
M: L saw no flaw with this logic.
- Jealous -
J: You better not be mean to L like stupid M is.
M: Don't worry, they're good friends.
---
M: They've even kissed before.
J: 0_0
---
*J charges at Jill.
J: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
---
*Jill steps aside, J goes running by.
Jill: The hell was that?
M: Fun. :)
- Demon -
Jill: I'm gonna go home before L's little demon spawn kills me.
---
M: You're just going to abandon me, huh?
---
Jill: Best of luck.
---
M: I don't need luck, I need a priest.
- Guard -
*J is standing in front of a door. M is walking by.
J: L's in the shower. I'm standing guard.
---
M: I have no desire to go in there.
---
M: I did see someone trying to sneak in through the window though.
---
*J runs into the bathroom.
L: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
M: :)
- Glare -
L & J: =_=
---
M: I'm not sorry.
---
...
---
M: It was hilarious.
L & J: Jerk.
- Soda -
*J's holding sodas out to L and M.
J: Two sodas.
---
*M reaches over and grabs the one in front of L.
M: Thanks.
J: o_o
---
*J's running off with the other soda.
J: I'll, uh, be right back.
---
*M opens the soda and it explodes.
L: Ha! That's for the shower, jerk.
- Fools -
M: So you told him I'd take yours, huh?
---
L: No, I just told him to shake both of them.
---
L: Figured it'd be fool proof that way.
---
M: Must be if you two pulled it off.
L: Hey!
- Gratitude -
*Walking to the park.
J: Why is he coming?
M: Yeah, why am I coming?
---
J: You be grateful!
M: Pfft, you're just jealous 'cause L likes me more than you.
---
J: Nah-uh, L who do you like better?
L: I don't know. I like you both.
---
J: o_0
M: Good enough for me.
- Proof -
*At the park.
J: I'm gonna prove to L that I'm better than you!
M: Only at brown nosing.
---
J: I challenge you to a race!
M: You value your friends based on running speed?
---
J: Five times around the park!
M: No thank you.
---
J: Chicken!
M: Oh, it's on now. I'll even give you a head start.
- Flower -
*L has a flower in her hair.
J: Hah *huff* I finished the race *huff*.
---
M: Oh, sorry. I got distracting finding a flower for L.
---
L: Isn't it pretty?
---
J: o_0
- Swing -
J: I bet I can swing higher than you can!
---
M: Pfft. I bet I can push L higher than you can swing.
---
L: Awesome! Let's go!
---
*L's running off
M: ^_^
J: >_<
- Hole -
J: Hey L, let's bury M in the sand.
L: Yeah!
M: Oh crap.
---
J: Lie down.
M: You guys need to dig a hole first. It'll be easier that way.
---
*L and J are digging.
---
J: There we go.
L: Hey, he ran away...
- Idiot -
*L pushes M towards the hole.
L: Now get in.
M: I wouldn't fit in that. You couldn't even fit in that, L.
---
L: Could too.
M: Prove it.
---
*L's lying in the hole.
L: See, easy.
---
*M shoves the pile of sand onto L.
L: Hey!
M: I didn't even think this was gonna work.
- Mentor -
J: What happened, why is L buried?
---
M: Well, I asker her to prove it was big enough for one of us to fit--
J: You got in voluntarily...?
---
M: That's right, J. You're already smarter than your mentor.
---
*Jill appears next to M.
Jill: I approve of this.
- Control -
M: What are you doing here?
---
Jill: Your mom said you were here.
---
Jill: Thought you could use some rescuing, but you seem to have things under control.
---
M: Well, I still need to figure out how to bury the other one.
J: =_=
- Winner -
*L's out of the sand.
L: I'm all sandy now.
M: I wonder how that happened...
---
*L's walking off
L: I'm going home.
J: I'll come too.
Jill: We'll stay here.
---
J: Ha, looks like I win.
---
M: Hey L, make sure J doesn't peek at you again when you're showering.
J: 0_o
- Test -
*Back home.
M: In the park, after you two left, this vicious dog came out and caused a panic.
---
M: Then a bunch of squirrels came running out of the trees, and they surrounded the dog.
---
M: And then the suirrels all seemed to be working together to lead the dog away from--
J: -_-
---
J: You're lying...
Jill: Wow, you're right. L is more gullible than her clone.
L: Hey!
- Hiding -
Mom: Your sister and cousin are hiding because they don't want him to leave. Can you help me out?
---
*In L's room.
M: You know L, there's no reason for you to be hiding. You're not going anywhere.
---
*L crawls out from under the bed.
L: Oh yeah, good point.
---
M: So J's under the bed too, right?
L: Dammit!
=== Lava ===
- Dead -
*L's on the couch.
L: Quick M, get on the couch!
---
M: Why?
---
L: Because the floor is lava!
---
M: You should have said something sooner. I'm way past dead by now...
- Absurd -
L: No, your shoes are special.
M: Then why do I need to get on the couch?
---
L: Because they can only last a little bit.
M: Hang on, Even if they can withstand the lava...
---
M: Shouldn't I be sinking. Lava is liquid.
L: They make you float too...
---
M: Now that's just absurd.
L: Get on the damn couch!!!
- Objective -
M: So, what's our objective?
L: What?
---
M: What brings us to this dwelling that teems with lava?
L: In english?
---
M: Does this game have a goal or are we just gonna sit on the couch all day?
---
L: I don't know.
M: -_-
- Fun -
L: We can jump around and stuff.
M: And go where?
---
L: Wherever we can get.
M: Why?
---
L: Because it's fun.
M: How so?
---
L: How is it not?
M: This is going nowhere...
- Goal -
L: What do you want to do then.
M: I don't know, go read a book.
---
L: With lava, idiot.
---
M: Well, if you want to make a game of it then we should make a goal.
L: Like what?
---
M: Like "get to my bed so that I can read my book."
L: -_-
- Rules -
M: We should also set some rules.
L: The floor is lava, that's all the rules we need.
---
M: In that case, I can get anywhere easily with just two couch cusions.
---
L: No, that's cheating.
---
M: Not if there are no rules.
L: You're really sucking the fun out of this...
- Prize -
M: Okay, so once something touches the ground we can't pick it up again.
L: Yeah, yeah...
---
M: And we're trying to get to my bed.
L: Whatever...
---
M: And if we fall in then we have to start back at the couch again.
L: Fine...
---
M: And if we get to my bed then you have to give me twenty dollars.
L: Okay--Hey!
- Detour -
L: Uh, I need to go to the bathroom.
---
*M turns away.
M: Go ahead.
L: Excuse me?
---
M: This is a life or death situation. We can't waste materials making a path to the bathroom.
---
L: Yes, we can.
- Shirt -
*M puts his shirt on the floor.
---
*M's moves onto his shirt.
M: Hmm, seems I need your other shirt, too, L.
---
L: Don't make me push you in.
---
M: Hey, if you hadn't made us go to the bathroom we wouldn't need it.
- Timing -
*Jill enters.
Jill: Why is there a trail of your clothes leading in here?
---
Jill: Your twincest vibe is starting to get scary...
---
L: T-The floor's lava!
---
Jill: You should probably let M come up with the excuses from now on.
- Coincidence -
Jill: So M made up these rules that led the two of you to his bed, discarding clothing along the way...?
---
M: Coincidence, I assure you.
---
Jill: Are you trying to lie to me or to yourself?
---
M: You're standing in lava, y'know.
- Help -
M: Since you seem immune to lava, could you give us something we could use?
---
Jill: I'm not helping you with this perverted little game of yours.
---
M: Once we get to my bed the game's over and we can put our clothes back on.
---
Jill: Just 'cause you can doesn't mean you will...
L: Make her shut up.
- Carry -
M: Well, we seem to be stuck, can you at least get me my book.
Jill: I guess.
---
M: Now L!
*L jumps onto Jill's back as she's walking by
---
*L and Jill fall onto M's bed
Jill: Ow...
M: Now throw me a pillow.
---
*M and L high five.
L: Victory!
=== Date ===
- Suitor -
*L and M are sitting (park or school...). Boy walks up to them.
Tyler: Hi. Do you, uh... want to go on a date?
---
...
---
*M whispers to L.
M: Say something, L.
---
L: Wait, you're asking me!?
*M facepalms.
- Awkward -
L: You want to go out with me?
Tyler: Um, yes.
---
L: Why?
Tyler: Uh...
---
M: A good question, but you shouldn't be the one asking it.
---
Tyler: Because you're cute... and you look like you have a lot of fun.
L: M, what do I do?
*M facepalms
- Response -
L: What do I do?
M: Do you want to go out with him?
---
L: I don't know.
M: Do you not want to out with him?
---
L: I don't know, that's the same question.
M: Okay, she'll do it.
Tyler: Cool.
---
L: I will?
M: Yup.
L: Oh... okay.
- When -
Tyler: So, how about we meet here on Saturday?
---
L: Saturday? Wait, what's today?
M: Tuesday.
---
*L's looking at her fingers.
M: What time?
Tyler: Four o'clock okay?
---
M: She'll be here.
Tyler: Cool.
L: That's only four days!
- Guardian -
*L's gone.
M: Hey.
Tyler: Yeah?
---
M: If it turns out this is some kind of cruel joke, I'll make you pay.
---
Tyler: Uh... okay.
M: Oh, and one more thing.
---
M: If you tell L I'm protecting her, then you'll really pay.
Tyler: ...kay.
- Bragging -
L: Hey Jill, has a guy ever asked you out?
---
Jill: Nope, hasn't happened yet.
L: Guess what happened to me today!
---
Jill: You finally learned how to tie your shoes?
L: No...
---
Jill: Oh, well keep at it, you'll get there.
L: I know how to tie my shoes!!!
- Bragging II -
L: I got asked on a date, so ha!
Jill: I find this hard to believe.
---
L: Yeah, well it's true. M was there.
M: Yup, good thing too, considering you were too dumbfounded to respond.
---
L: I was just a little surprised.
---
M: And then you asked me what you should do while he was still standing there...
L: Shut up M!
Jill: XD
- Practice -
*M's sitting on the couch. L is standing behind the couch.
---
*L disappears.
---
*L peeks out from behind the couch.
---
M: Do you want something?
L: Will you go on a practice date with me.
- Rising -
Jill: You're going on a practice date with your sister...
---
M: Yeah, she seems really nervous so why not help her out a little.
---
Jill: Twincest vibe rising...
---
M: What was that?
Jill: Oh, nothing.
- Romantic -
Jill: So, taking your sister somewhere romantic?
---
M: Of course. We'll start with a walk in the park to a secluded place where I'll have a picnic all set up...
---
M: And after dinner we'll find a nice grassy hill where we can lie down and gaze at the stars.
---
Jill: Seriously.
M: No, idiot, we're having dinner at home and pretending it's a date.
- Painful -
*M is dressed up slightly. L comes out of her room
M: Are you ready for our date?
L: Yup.
---
M: Is that what your wearing?
L: It's a practice date, what do I need to dress up for?
---
M: You should take this seriously, otherwise we're just having dinner like we have countless times before.
---
L: This is gonna be painful, isn't it?
M: I'll be back in fifteen minutes. See if you can't make yourself presentable.
- Eighty -
M: So, on your date, I'd say you should try to be about... eighty percent yourself.
---
L: Eighty, huh?
M: Well, you don't want to hide too much of yourself or you won't really be able to tell if you're compatible.
---
M: On the other hand, nobody could handle a hundred percent you all at once.
L: -_-
---
M: In fact, if you could go for like eigty-two percent whenever you're around me, that'd be great.
L: =_=
- Coincidence -
*Sitting at the table.
M: So, where are you from?
---
L: The same womb as you.
M: Really, what a coincidence. What part are you from?
---
L: Uh, I don't know, the front.
---
M: Ah, I'm from the back.
- Hobbies -
M: What kind of things do you like to do?
L: I don't know. Anything that's fun I guess.
---
M: Fun is good. Have any examples?
L: Umm... I like going on pretend adventures.
---
M: Ooh, maybe I can go on one with you some day.
L: Uh, okay... What do you like to do?
---
M: Messing with my sister's always fun. She's incredibly gullible and her reactions are hilarious.
L: =_=
- Sister -
L: So you have a sister. Is she nice?
M: On occasion.
---
L: Okay... Do you like her?
M: I guess...
---
M: She has a lot of energy and drags me around a lot, but she likes having fun, so I often end up having fun too.
L: Hehe, thanks. :)
---
M: For what?
L: -_-
- Identical -
M: What about you, have any siblings?
L: Uh, a twin, actually.
---
M: Identical?
L: Maybe, but he doesn't seem to think so...
---
*M has his head on the table laughing.
L: -_-
---
L: That was a joke.
M: One of your best.
- Brother -
M: Is your twin fun and energetic like you.
L: Pfft, I wish.
---
M: Oh, then what's he like?
L: Well, he's smarter and more mature than I am, and he makes fun of me a lot...
---
L: But I know he cares about me a lot, even though he tries to hide it for some reason.
---
M: Are you sure you don't just believe that because you want it to be true.
L: I am. :)
- Tip -
*Mom brings food out.
Mom: Dinner's ready.
M: Thank you.
---
*M kicks L under the table.
L: Ow--Oh, thank you.
---
Mom: You're very welcome. So, how's the date going?
---
M: Nosy waitresses don't get good tips.
Mom: Percentages of free are all the same anyway.
- Pacing -
*L's plate is empty.
M: Okay human vacuum. On your date you should probably try not to inhale your food.
---
L: Oh. But that's how I always eat...
---
M: Alright then, first off, you should err heavily on the side of using silverware, even if you don't think it's necessary.
---
M: And for speed, pace it with your date. Only take a bite when he does.
L: Can I make them giant bites?
M: -_-
- Check -
*Mom puts the check on the table.
Mom: Hope you enjoyed your dinner.
---
*L grabs the check.
L: What's this!?
---
L: "Don't look unless you intend to pay."
---
M: Looks like the waitress left you the tip today.
L: You wrote this.
- Kiss -
*Outside L's room.
M: Well, here we are.
L: Yup.
---
*L leans in for a kiss.
M: Are you an idiot?
---
L: I thought we were supposed to take this seriously.
M: I'm out.
---
*M's walking away.
L: Will I see you again?
- Cute -
Jill: So how was your date?
M: Entertaining enough.
---
M: It was actually more fun than I thought it'd be.
---
M: L's actually kind of cute when she dresses up.
---
Jill: You're scaring me again...
- Forgot -
*L enters.
Jill: What about you? Enjoy your date with your brother?
L: Of course. I wouldn't have kissed him if I didn't have a good time.
---
Jill: I'm sorry, could you repeat that.
M: That's not--I didn't kiss you, you tried to kiss me.
---
L: Oh, right. That's how it went. I forgot.
---
Jill: Huh?
- Shirt -
Jill: Why is L's shirt in your room?
M: Huh, oh... She was in here annoying me and she got hot. She wears two shirts you know.
---
Jill: This is her undershirt.
M: Well, that's the one with long sleeves. Naturally she'd take that one off if she's hot.
---
...
---
M: She only posed for a minute before putting her other shirt back on. I swear.
Jill: You're really starting to scare me.
- Before -
*L is dressed up.
M: Finally time, huh?
L: Uh-huh. Do I look okay?
---
M: You did what you could.
---
L: Thanks, I guess. Now you better not follow me and eavesdrop or anything.
---
M: Please, I'm not you.
L: Well, we can't all be awesome.
- After -
M: So, how was?
L: Oh, uh... it was alright, I guess.
---
L: I had more fun on our date though.
---
M: Did you kiss him?
L: Nope, still haven't had my first kiss.
---
M: I think you're forgetting Jill.
L: What do--wait, that doesn't count!?
- Serious -
Jill: Hey M, you know how I joke about you and L being, uh, more than siblings.
M: Yeah...
---
Jill: Well I'm really starting to think L might like you.
M: Pfft, you're imagining things.
---
Jill: I don't know. I was talking to her the other day and she really seemed to enjoy your date.
M: We had fun, so what?
---
Jill: And she tried to kiss you.
M: She's weird and has boundary issues. Still nothing new.
- Alone -
Jill: Okay then, wasn't yesterday supposed to be her date?
M: Yeah, and?
---
Jill: I saw her at the park playing by herself.
M: Well that's just--wait, what?
---
Jill: I watched her for a few minutes, she was just digging in the sand.
---
M: She must've been stood up...
Jill: Oh yeah, that makes sense. Guess I was just being paranoid.
- Fake -
*M finds Tyler.
M: Good I found you. Where were you Saturday?
Tyler: Huh, I, uh--
---
M: I warned you not--
Tyler: Wait, I can explain!
---
M: Okay then.
Tyler: L asked me to ask her out. She gave me candy.
---
Tyler: Please don't hurt me.
M: o_0...
- Plan -
Jill: So L asked some guy to ask her out so that she'd have an excuse to ask you out. Is that what we think?
---
M: Something like that...
Jill: I can't say I'm too surprised.
---
Jill: I was a little afraid that you liked L too and were already doing who knows what together.
M: Yeah... that was the plan.
---
Jill: Excuse me?
M: N-no! To make you think that. W-we were trying to mess with you.
- Intervention -
*M and Jill enter L's room.
M: L, I think we need to talk.
L: About what?
---
Jill: L, do you have feelings for M?
L: W-what? No, of course not!
---
Jill: It's okay L. We're your friends. We're not here to make fun of you.
M: She's right, there'll be plenty of time for that later.
---
*Jill punches M.
M: Ow! Sorry...
- Busted -
L: It's not true!
Jill: L, I saw you in the park on Saturday.
---
L: What, that's--
M: I talked to Tyler. He said you gave him candy to ask you out.
---
L: But that-- I mean, uh... I just-- Oh screw it!
---
*L kisses M.
M: O_O
- Click -
*Still kissing.
M: O_O
---
L: It's true M. I love you!
M: O_O
---
Jill: *Click*
M: O_O
---
M: Oh son of a b--
Jill: *click*
M: Stop that!
- Love -
M: So you don't love me then?
L: Sure I do. You don't love me?
---
M: Not right now I don't.
L: How could say that to me!? I've been your sister for twelve years!
---
M: Oh, I'm well aware how long you've been my sister
L: What's that supposed to mean?
---
Jill: C'mon guys, no need for a lovers' quarrel.
M: I'm not too fond of you right now either.
- Therapy -
Jill: Guys, I think we should celebrate.
M: Celebrate what?
---
Jill: Every pair of our little trio has now kissed. I'd say that's an accomplishment.
M: I'm gonna need therapy when I grow up, aren't I?
---
Jill: You were doomed to that from birth.
L: Haha!
---
*M and Jill stare at L.
L: What?
- Best -
Jill: We should now be able to determine who the best kisser here is. M, you go first.
---
M: Well, you made me feel surprised and confused, and L made me feel surprised and a bit queasy, so I guess I have to go with Jill.
---
Jill: For me, both of you just kind of froze, so I'd have to say you're both equally bad. L?
---
L: I guess I had more fun kissing M, but not because he kisses better...
Jill: Because you're in love with him, right?
- Betrayed -
M: I must say, I am impressed that you guys were able to plan this all out so well.
Jill: You give us too much credit.
---
Jill: Right before your practice date L came up to me and said...
---
Jill: "M wants to mess with you and make you think we're doing naughty things, but I think it'd be more fun if we messed with M."
---
*M glares at L.
L: That's not what-- I mean-- Oh crap.
- Real -
M: Wait, but what about bribing Tyler to ask you out?
---
L: Huh? Oh, I just told him on Saturday to say that if you asked him about it.
---
Jill: And I lied about seeing L in the park.
M: Wait, then you really did have a date?
---
L: Is it really that hard to believe?
Jill: I still don't believe it.
- Favor -
M: So really, how was your date then?
---
L: Yeah, about that, could you do me a favor and break up with him for me?
M: I'm not going to do that.
---
L: Jill?
Jill: No, but I would like to watch.
---
L: Fine, I'll just try to avoid him and hope he takes the hint.
- Breakup -
*M is bringing L up to Tyler.
L: Let go of my shirt. I won't try to run away again.
---
L: Ugh, fine. I'm sorry, but I don't want to be your girlfriend.
---
Tyler: Oh. That's okay. To be honest, I didn't really want to be your boyfriend either.
L: What!? Why not!?
---
*M's dragging L away.
L: What did I do wrong!?
- Consoling -
M: I'm sorry things didn't go better for you.
L: Thanks.
---
M: There'll be lots of guys after you before you know it.
L: Hehe, thanks.
---
M: And you're going to pay very dearly for betraying me.
L: Yea--wait, what?
---
M: Look forward to it. ^_^
L: T_T
=== Sleepover ===
- Invited -
M: Mom, can I go to Jill's for a sleepover?
Mom: I don't see why not.
---
L: Can I?
Mom: Were you invited, Sally?
---
L: I'm sure it was implied with M's invitation.
---
M: Sorry, invitation didn't say "plus guest."
L: Well, that's why it was "implied."
- Useless -
L: Mom, make M invite me.
Mom: I think Jill's the one who needs to invite you.
---
L: Then make Jill invite me.
Mom: I'm not Jill's mother.
---
L: Then don't let M go if I can't.
Mom: But I already told him he could.
---
L: Yeah, but-- Agh! You're useless!
Mom: Love you too, Sweetie.
- Chaperone -
L: You two need a chaperone if you're gonna be spending the night together.
---
Jill: You're the one who climbs into M's bed.
---
*L's looking at her fingers.
L: That was just the, er... hang on...
---
L: Well, not that often!
Jill: Wow...
- Chaperone II -
M: I think it's you two that would need the chaperone.
---
Jill: What's that supposed to mean?
L: You're disgusting.
---
M: I just meant because you two fight a lot... Oh, did you think...? I didn't mean it like that.
L: Oh, okay...
Jill: Good.
---
M: If you two want to do that then by all means. Why should I stop you?
L & Jill: =_=
- Ask -
L: You guys suck.
Jill: What's this now?
---
*M whispers to L.
L: -_-
---
L: Jill, can I please go to your sleepover?
Jill: Sure.
---
L: What, so you guys were just messing with me?
Jill: What do you mean? This is the first you've asked.
*M puts his hand up.
M: I was just messing with you.
- Fire -
L: Oh, Jill, do you have a sleeping bag I can borrow?
Jill: Yeah I guess. You don't have one of your own?
---
M: She did, but she set it on fire.
---
M: She hasn't been invited to a sleepover since then.
---
L: That's not-- I mean, I wasn't at a sleepover when I burned it!
Jill: o_0
- Planning -
L: So what do I need to bring?
M: The basics. Pajamas, clothes for tomorrow, toothbrush, etc.
---
L: What about like games or toys or whatever?
M: I think we could get by with what Jill has.
---
M: What do you think, Jill? Anything we should bring?
---
M: Jill?
Jill: How the hell did she burn her sleeping bag!?
- Story -
M: Well, it was cold so L was hopping around in her sleeping bag.
---
M: Then Mom started a fire in the fireplace and L hopped on over to it.
---
M: Then she unzipped the sleeping bag and dropped it, and a corner of it went into the fireplace.
---
M: Then she started panicking so I shoved her off the sleeping bag and threw the whole thing into the fireplace.
Jill: I find none of this surprising.
- Games -
*At Jill's house now. Jill's sitting on her bed holding a pillow.
L: So what're we gonna do?
Jill: I guess we could do sleepovery things
---
L: You mean like spin the bottle.
Jill: Old news for this group.
---
L: Truth or dare?
M: Would not end well for this group.
---
L: Pillow f--
*Jill throws the pillow into L's face.
Jill: I was waiting for that one.
- Teams -
*Jill has another pillow, L has the one Jill threw at her.
Jill: Girls vs. boys!
M: But I'm unarmed!
Jill: That's okay.
---
*L swings at M. M catches the pillow.
---
*L runs away, M hits Jill in the face.
---
M: Huh, I guess it was okay.
- Improper -
M: I'm obviously too good, so why don't you two fight each other. I can just watch.
---
Jill: Dude, she's your sister.
M: You're not.
---
Jill: We're not doing that, it's just...wrong.
M: You're right, I don't know what I was thinking.
---
M: I mean, you obviously can't have a proper pillow fight until you're in your pajamas.
Jill: I'm going to hurt you.
- Dinner -
L: Mrs. Jill, you seem to have accidentally dropped vegetables on my plate.
Jill: Yeah, she does that a lot.
---
M: I don't know, I think they decorate the food nicely.
Mrs. Jill: They're not decoration.
---
M: Really? Are they ammo?
L: Food Fight!!!
Jill: No, stop!
---
M: No food fight?
Jill: Well, we should eat the real food first.
L: I guess that makes sense.
- Dinner II -
Mrs. Jill: You know, there are starving children who would love to have those vegetables.
---
M: Know what else they'd love? That half eaten corn dog we saw on the ground at the park. Should I have eaten that?
---
Jill: I heard some of the starving kids were gonna jump off a bridge tomorrow.
M: We simply must join them.
---
Mrs. Jill: That's not--
M: You know, there are starving diabetics who would love an insulin shot, maybe we should stop by the hospital and get some of those.
- Anything -
Jill: Why don't we take turns picking an activity.
---
Jill: We can do like an hour each, and the other two have to do whatever the one wants.
---
M: Awesome, I know what--
---
Jill: No, no, no! You can't make us pillow fight or do anything else creepy or disturbing.
M: Pfft, this game got a lot less fun.
- Jill -
Jill: I want to play video game, and I know you guys suck...
---
Jill: So you can be on a team, and if you beat me even once then I'll give you candy.
---
M: Are you sure you're not handicapping me by putting L on my team?
L: Hey!
---
Jill: It's okay, I can make it so you guys can't hurt each other.
L: I can still hurt him in real life, right?
- Jill II -
Jill: Alright, this is your last shot at beating me.
M: That's alright. I'm feeling good about this one.
---
*Playing...
---
M: Now!
*L tackles Jill.
---
M: We win!
Jill: That's cheating!
- Sally -
*L and M have candy.
Jill: Your turn L.
---
L: Okay, I want to play the game "Dress M up like a girl!"
Jill: Sounds fun.
---
M: Whoa now. How is that not against the rules?
Jill: It's not disturbing or creepy.
---
M: I'm disturbed by it.
L: You're just being silly.
Jill: I'll go get my makeup.
- Sally II -
*M's dressed like a girl.
L: Sexy pose! Sexy pose!
Jill: Samantha, you're gorgeous! *click*
---
L: Now shy pose!
Jill: You're being awefully cooperative. *click*
---
Jill: *click*
M: I don't intend to give you girls any excuse not to cooperate with me.
L: Uh-oh.
---
Jill: Well, we're in it now. *click*
L: Good point. Pretend you're a kitty-cat!
M: Meow.
- Sammy -
M: In keeping with the theme, I'm going to let you two dress each other up.
---
M: Both of you have to wear whatever the other person tells you and such, and then I'll take pictures of the doll I like better.
---
Jill: Gonna take pictures of the other one too?
M: Heh, fine, I'll only take pictures of the one I like better.
---
M: But if neither of you please me then I'll do it myself and take pictures of both of you.
- Sammy II -
*Girls look ridiculous.
M: Very nice work, girls.
---
M: Now, before I declare the winner I'd like to make you an offer.
---
M: We can either continue as planned, or delete all the pictures you took of me and pretend none of this ever happened.
---
L & Jill: Deal!
- Hurt -
*M's sitting on the floor.
Jill: Why don't we change into our pajamas now.
M: Cool, then you can have the pillow fight.
---
*Jill throws pillow at M's face. M catches it.
---
*M lowers the pillow. Jill is standing in front of him.
M: O_O!!!
---
*Jill kicks the pillow into M's gut.
M: Hng!
L: XD
- Pajamas -
*L and Jill are in their pajamas
Jill: Dear god, are those feety pajamas?
---
L: Yeah. So what, they're comfortable. You're not even wearing pajamas.
---
Jill: It's shorts and one of my mom's old shirts. Also comfortable, and, y'know, I'm not a toddler.
---
L: Neither am I.
Jill: I was speaking in terms of maturity.
- Again -
*M returns.
Jill: Oh look, you still wear kid's pajamas too. Well, at least yours don't have feet.
---
M: And yours don't appear to have any pants at all.
---
*Jill lifts her shirt.
Jill: Yes they do. See?
---
M: I, uh, wasn't paying attention. Show me again.
L: No.
- Mature -
Jill: Now I'd like to think that we can be mature about this and that whoever falls asleep first...
---
Jill: Can have faith that when the other two draw on their face...
---
Jill: They won't use permanent marker and make it inapproprate.
---
L: Hm, so we have to choose...
M: Or do half and half.
- Water -
*L's asleep.
Jill: We have a winner.
M: So what should we draw?
---
Jill: I don't know, this is a rare opportunity so we should plan carefully before acting.
---
M: Okay, while you're thinking about it I'll go get the warm water.
---
Jill: Oka--wait a minute, that's my sleeping bag.
M: Damn, I almost got away with it.
- Distrust -
*L has crap drawn on her face.
Jill: Alright, I suppose we should go to bed now too.
---
M: Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?
---
*They glare at each other.
---
M: This is gonna be a long night, isn't it?
Jill: I'll get the cards.
- Ridiculous -
*Looking tired.
M: This is ridiculous. Let's just call a truce and go to sleep.
Jill: Yeah, that sounds like a good... uh...
---
M: Idea?
Jill: Yeah, that's the word.
---
*Lying down.
---
*Indicate time lapse (15-30 min?) somehow
M: This is ridiculous. If were gonna be awake we may as well be doing something.
Jill: Another good idea.
- Timov -
*L has "VOMIT" written across her face, as well as a fountain.
L: I don't get it, what's "timov" mean?
---
M: See, I told you she wouldn't figure it out.
L: What is it!? Is it another language?
---
M: Leave it on your face and I'm sure someone will be able to tell you.
---
L: And what's with the fountain?
M: It's a fountain of timov.
- Backwards -
L: Mom, what does "timov" mean?
---
Mom: I don't know, but you appear to have some vomit on your face.
L: What?! Where?
---
Mom: It's written across your face.
L: Huh, my face says "timov".
---
Mom: Words look backwards in the mirror, Sweetie. It says "vomit".
L: o_0
- Layers -
*L looking in mirror.
L: This better wash off.
---
*L is washing her face.
---
*L now has a kitty face.
L: o_0
---
*L finds M.
L: I hate you.
M: Meow.
=== Pet ===
- Dog -
L: Mom, can we get a dog?
---
Mom: I don't know, Sally. Taking care of a dog takes a lot of time and effort.
---
L: So?
Mom: So who's going to do that?
---
L: I don't know, M? He's good at that sort of thing.
- Another -
Mom: M would you like a dog?
---
M: Not really... Isn't one loud, messy, hyper pet enough?
---
L: We don't have any pets.
---
Mom: I think he's referring to you, Sally.
L: =_=
- Hunter -
L: Forget M. I want a dog!
---
M: Why, tired of killing goldfish? Looking to hunt bigger game?
---
L: I don't want to shoot it!
---
M: Of course not, you want it to suffer. Neglect and starvation are your weapons of choice.
L: =_=
- Cat -
M: If we're actually going to get a pet we should get a cat.
---
M: They're fairly low maintenance and not as needy, noisy, or messy as dogs.
L: They're also lazy, boring, and run away from me.
---
L: ...they're like you.
---
M: Exactly, they're awesome.
- Redirect -
Mom: Sorry, but we're not getting a pet if you don't both want it.
---
L: But if we agree then we can get a dog?
Mom: No promises, but if you want me to even consider it then you two need to agree first.
---
M: Don't you feel at all guilty redirecting your headache onto your own child like that?
---
Mom: Whatever do you mean Sammy?
- Both -
L: We need to agree, huh?
---
L: I'd say we could get both, but dogs like to eat--
---
L: Uh... Hey, let's get both!
---
M: Maybe we can find a pet that'll eat you.
- Logic -
L: Fine then, we'll just have to have some kind of contest to see which we get.
---
M: No thanks.
L: Why not?
---
M: I don't want a cat that much. Not worth the risk.
L: If you don't want a cat that much then we should just get a dog!
---
M: That's not... No. Just no.
- Condition -
L: Come on, give me some chance.
---
M: Alright, fine. We can play rock paper scissors for it.
L: Alri--
---
M: Hold on, I'm not done. If I win, I don't want a cat...
L: Okay, whatever.
---
M: I want a tarantula.
L: O_O
- Welch -
L: Why do you want a tarantula!?
M: Because they're cool.
---
M: And just think of how much fun I could have scaring you with it.
---
L: Alright, fine. Let's--
---
M: In case you think you can just welch if you lose, I will fill your world with spiders.
L: Er, dammit. Let me think.
- Test -
L: ...I can't. Jerk.
M: Phew, had me worried for a second.
---
L: What's that supposed to mean?
M: I was afraid you were actually gonna agree.
---
L: You didn't want me to?
M: No, but I figured if you really wanted a dog that badly then it'd be okay.
---
M: And FYI, there's no way Mom would ever let me have a tarantula.
L: I hate you so much.
- Persistent -
L: I want a dog.
---
M: I gave you a chance and you blew it. Leave me alone.
L: You really think I'm just gonna give up?
---
M: Uh, yes?
L: No.
---
M: Are you sure, 'cause I'm really feeling yes on this one?
L: -_-
- Rerun -
L: Jill, you think we should get a dog, right?
Jill: But M already has a dog.
---
L: I'm not a dog!!!
---
*L storms off.
Jill: Wow, she knew I was referring to her.
---
M: I already made that joke.
Jill: Ah.
- Smart -
L: Dogs are friendly.
M: I think you mean needy.
---
L: And fun!
M: And messy.
---
L: And they're smart.
M: No smarter than you.
---
L: You can teach them all kinds of tricks and stuff.
M: Good point, I guess they are a little smarter than you.
- Promise -
L: Why can't I have a dog?
M: Because I don't want to take care of a dog.
---
L: I'll take care of it, I promise.
---
M: L, statistically speaking, you promising something actually decreases the likelihood that it'll happen.
---
L: That's only because you only make me promise things that I don't want to do.
M: Probably true, but that really doesn't help your case.
- Responsibility -
L: This is different. I'll really take care of a dog.
M: Can you even name one responsibility that you take seriously?
---
L: I go to school.
M: Only because you're forced to, and you resist--
---
L: Fine, fine, uh... playing?
M: Playing is practically by definition not a responsibility. It can't be something you do for fun.
---
L: Okay then, uh... breathing?
*M is walking away.
- Foolproof -
L: Okay, I tried reasoning with you.
M: And failed miserably.
---
L: Anyway, it's time for plan B.
M: I think you're on like plan Q by now.
---
L: Whatever. This is the plan that's gonna work.
M: Okay, what is it?
---
L: *Ahem... Dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog...
- Nuts -
L: Dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog...
M: How long do you think you can keep this up?
---
*M gets a bag of nuts.
L: Dog dog dog as dog long dog as dog it dog takes dog dog dog...
---
*M throws a nut at L's face.
L: Dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog...
---
L: Dog you dog missed dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog...
M: Got a whole bag full.
- Dogdogdog -
L: Dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog...
---
L: dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dogdogdogdogdogdogdogdogdogdogdogdogdogdogdogdogdogdogdogdogdogdogdogdog...
---
L: dogdogdogdogdogdogdogdgodgodgdogdogdogdogdgodgodgdogdogodgodogdogdogdogdogodogodgodogodogodogodogdo...
---
L: googoodogdodgogoodgodogodogodogodo--
M: You're not even comprehensible anymore!!!
L: You know what I mean. Dog dog dog...
- Success -
*M's trying to sleep.
L: Dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog--
---
M: Alright! You can have your damn dog!
L: Hooray!!!
---
M: But you'r taking care of it. I'll force you to take care of it before I do it myself.
---
M: Even if I have to duct tape it's leash to your hand and then put another one around your neck.
L: Sounds like a plan! ^_^
- Defeat -
L: I did it Mom! M says I can get a dog!
---
Mom: Oh no, we're not getting a dog.
L: o_0
---
Mom: I'm impressed that you were able to break Sammy, though.
---
L: But you said--
Mom: I specifically said that it was not guaranteed.
- Fight -
L: Why not!?
Mom: I'm sorry Sally, but taking care of two kids is hard enough for me.
---
L: I'll take care of it!
Mom: No you won't.
---
L: Yes I will, M said he would force me to!
Mom: Don't you two fight enough already?
---
L: We won't fight about it!
Mom: Sweetie, I've seen you two physically hurt each other over who has to get up to get the TV remote.
- Hamster -
*L's holding a hamster.
M: Well, it's a step up from a goldfish.
L: I guess...
---
M: And they store food in their cheeks so it'll be hard for you to starve it.
L: I'm gonna take real good care of it.
---
L: Then Mom'll let me have a dog for sure.
M: Maybe. So what'd you name him?
---
L: Dogfood.
M: -_-
=== Tubes ===
- Outgrown -
*At a place with tubes.
Jill: I haven't been to a place like this in some time. Kinda figured I had outgrown it.
---
L: Then why'd you come?
Jill: I had nothing better to do. Besides, teasing you is fun no matter where we are.
---
L: No it isn't.
M: It is. I mean, it tends to be lacking in the challenge department...
---
M: But as far as guilty pleasures go, it's pretty high up there.
L: So is kicking you.
- Jealous -
Jill: So what made you want to go crawling through tubes, anyway?
M: I think L's jealous of Dogfood.
---
Jill: That doesn't even make a little sense...
L: Dogfood is my hamster.
---
Jill: Ah, so she thinks that if she immitates her hamster she may be able to climb to its level of intellect. That makes sense.
L: I'm smarter than my hamster!
---
M: I don't know, I've seen the little guy outsmart you.
L: Shut up M!
- Narration -
M: So, shall we?
L: Just as the trio was beginning to relax, the sound of adventure struck.
---
*L takes out the magical compass.
L: With treasure close by, the team had no choice but to seek the mysterious treasure!
---
Jill: Tried writing the narration yourself this time, huh?
L: Why, was it bad?
---
Jill: >_>
L: v_v
M: There's no way I'm crawling through tubes with my arms tied.
- Magic -
Jill: Alright Elia, where does the compass point?
M: I've got ten bucks on north.
---
L: Nah-uh, it's a magical compass. You have to know how to read it, so you'll just have to trust me.
---
M: I'm the mage of this group. If you can read the magical compass then so can I.
L: No, it's elven magic. But Jill can read it too.
---
M: How does that work?
L: Magic, duh.
- Compass -
L: The compass is telling me that we must use this entrance to the tunnels.
---
M: Compasses point in a direction, they don't give directions.
---
L: Do you not understand the word "magic"?
M: Of course I do, but using "magic" as a get out of logic free card is inarguably poor writing.
---
L: I'm not trying to write a damn novel!
M: Laziness is a bad habit.
- Courtesy -
M: Kids first, Elia.
L: =_=
---
*L crawls in.
M: Ladies.
Jill: You just want to stare at my butt, don't you?
---
M: Better than L's I suppose. But I was really just trying to be nice.
---
M: I had a burrito for lunch.
Jill: -_-
- Rear -
L: Emtee, you need to watch our rear.
M: I'm already watching Jill's closely.
---
L: No, you need to watch for enemies coming from behind. Now turn around and crawl backwards.
---
M: That's not gonna happen, but if you give me a mirror I can glue it to Jill's butt.
---
Jill: That's it, I'm gonna kick you in a minute. Whether you take it in the face or the ass is up to you.
- Elegance -
*L comes face to face with some random kid.
Kid: Move it, we need to get through here.
L: =_=
---
L: Grrrrr...
---
L: *Ruff* *Ruff*!
---
*Kid backs away.
L: =_=
M: Nice to see that elven elegance shining through.
- Inappropriate -
*In tube
L: Jillius, you should take the lead for now.
Jill: Very well.
---
*Looking at each other.
Jill: How's this gonna work...?
L: We can fit.
---
*Now only see M.
M: o_0
L: Ow, don't be so rough!
Jill: Stop being a baby, you're the one who wanted to do this.
---
*M's turned around blocking some kids.
M: Sorry kids, this show isn't appropriate for your age level.
L & Jill: Shut up M!
- Bang -
*Crawling.
---
M: Look out!
---
*L bangs her head on the top of the tube.
L: Ow!
---
M: Heh heh heh.
L: I hate you.
- Heal -
L: That hurt. Now you have to use your magic to heal me.
M: My magic's more valuable than that.
---
L: =_=
M: Fine, fine.
---
M: Bump on your head; Be healed by this med; Lest you might spread; And Elia drop dead.
---
*M hits L on the head.
M: Healify!
L: Ow! >_<
- Slide -
*Jill slides into a ball pit.
---
*Now L.
---
L: Hehe, I haven't been in one of these in a while.
---
M: Is L still at the foot of the slide?
Jill: Yup.
L: Sorry, moving!
- Treasure -
*At ball pit.
L: The trail seems to end here.
M: So speaketh the compass?
---
L: Exactly, so let's start searching.
M: Did you actually hide something here?
---
L: No, but I figure some kid must have dropped something in here at some point.
---
M: So basically, we covet some cheap little toy, garbage, a lost button, or if we're really lucky, some used gum.
Jill: I can't wait to find out which!
- Jerk -
L: Hey, where'd M go?
Jill: Oh, he ran off down that tube a minute ago.
---
L: What!? That jerk. When I find him I'm gonna--
---
*M jumps up from out of the balls and grabs L.
M: GRAAA!
L: EEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
---
L: You're both jerks!
M: What? I think I'm deaf.
- Ball -
L: Anyone find anything yet?
---
M: I found a ball.
Jill: In the ball pit? You're kidding...
---
M: But my ball is super.
L: What makes it super?
---
*M holds up a superball.
M: It...bounces really high.
Jill: Oh, that kind of superball.
L: Awesome!
- Irritated -
L: With the incredible superball in hand--
M: That's redundant.
---
L: The party must now escape the labyrinth--
M: There's a way out right there.
---
L: The compass is telling me we can't go that way.
M: I thought it was a treasure seeking compass.
---
L: Fine then the superball is--
M: Now you're just being--
L: Shut up!!!
- Freeze -
Jill: So what does the incredible superball do?
M: That's easy.
---
L: I swear to god, if you say it bou--
---
M: It freezes time. When someone bounces it then everyone except them freezes until it stops boun--
---
*L bounces the ball.
L: Awesome!
- Oops -
*Ball's still bouncing.
L: Hmhmhm, I could have fun with this.
---
L: Let's see what can I--
---
*M jumps on the ball and grabs it.
L: Hey! You can't--it stopped bouncing, didn't it?
---
M: Yup.
L: Dammit...
- Painful -
M: Well, my knees hurt. How about you two?
Jill: Knees and palms.
---
L: Don't forget head.
M: That's the thanks I get for healing you?
---
L: You hit me.
M: That's how my magic works.
---
L: Then allow me to heal your knees.
M: No thanks.
- Race -
M: Bet you each a dollar I can beat you home.
L: You're on!
Jill: Alright, I guess.
---
M: Ready...
---
*M throws the superball into the ground.
M: Go!
---
*M's gone. Ball is bouncing
L: Dammit.
Jill: I really should have predicted this one...
=== Sick ===
- Sneeze -
*M's sitting at the table. L sits next to him.
---
*L sneezes towards M.
L: AH-CHOO!
M: >_<
---
L: Mom, I think I'm getting sick.
---
M: Must. Supress. Urge to kill.
- Doctor -
*Mom's feeling L's forehead
Mom: You do seem to have a fever.
M: Better take her to the doctor.
L: No, no. I'm okay.
---
Mom: Don't worry, Sally. There's no need to see a doctor yet.
L: Ha.
---
M: Yeah, well you better hope I don't get sick.
L: Okay, I hope you don't--
---
L: AH-CHOO!
M: >_<
- Homework -
Mom: M can you stop by L's classes and pick up her homework?
M: I suppose.
---
L: And if you could do it for me, that'd be helpful too.
M: No.
---
L: But I'm sick.
M: That doesn't stop your brain from working.
---
L: But my brain never works.
M: Well, you've got me there... But you still have to do your own homework.
- Bell -
*L's on the couch. Mom's giving her a bell.
Mom: Here you go Sally, just ring the bell if you need me.
L: 'Kay.
---
*Mom's gone.
L: *ring* *ring*
---
Mom: Yes?
L: Just wanted to see if it works.
---
Mom: Ironically, that's the best way to break it.
L: Eh, sorry.
- Euphemism -
Mom: Sammy, take care of your sister while I'm at the store.
---
M: Alright... and when you say "Take care of"...?
---
Mom: Sammy, what have I told you?
---
M: Don't make jokes about killing my sister.
- Popsicle -
L: Bring me a popsicle.
---
*M gives L popsicle.
L: I didn't say a grape popsicle.
M: You didn't specify any flavor.
---
L: You should have asked, now try again.
M: What flavor would you like?
---
L: Oh, uh, anything but grape should be fine.
- Story -
L: Tell me a story.
M: Once upon a time there was a stupid little blond girl.
---
L: That's a stereotype.
M: Well in this case, it's very true. However, unlike the stereotypical dumb blond, this one wasn't very pretty.
---
M: Anyway, the girl caught a cold one day and being the inconsiderate idiot she is, she carelessly spread her germs to her brother.
---
L: Wait a minute, are you talking about me?
M: The blond girl was also a little slow at picking up on things.
- Bathroom -
L: I have to go to the bathroom.
---
...
---
M: I honestly have no idea what you expect me to do here.
L: Me either, but whatever it is you should do it quick.
---
*M pushes L onto the floor.
L: Ow!
- Symptom -
*L's sleeping.
---
*M enters with a pot of water.
---
*M pours the water on L.
---
*M's gone.
L: Mom, I think M is sick!
- Bell II -
*L and M are lying on opposite sides of the couch. Mom gives the bell to M.
Mom: Okay Sammy, just ring the bell if you need me.
---
L: What if I need you?
Mom: Tell Sammy.
---
L: What if he won't ring it?
Mom: That's kind of the point, Sally.
---
L: What's that supposed to mean?
M: It means you're not mature enough to hold a bell.
- Bell III -
M: *ring* *ring*
---
Mom: Yes?
M: Tell L to stop kicking me just because I won't ring the bell whenever she wants.
---
Mom: M, you should know better. By ringing the bell you showed her that kicking you works.
M: Good point. Guess it's time to change strategy.
---
*M tosses the bell to L.
L: Yay!
Mom: So it's like that, is it?
M: Oh no...
- Bell IV -
L: *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring*
---
L: *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring*
M: She's not coming!
---
...
---
L: *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring*
M: Oh my god...
- Bell V -
Mom: So, have you two decided you can be mature with the bell?
M: Nope.
---
Mom: No? But you've stopped ringing it.
---
*L shakes the bell
L: -_-
M: Feel free to thank--
---
*L throws the bell at M's head
M: Ow!
- Puke -
L: I think I'm gonna throw up.
M: Then go to the bathroom.
---
L: No, go get me a bucket.
M: I'm sick too, you know.
---
L: Then you can get yourself a bucket too.
M: =_=
---
M: Remember when we saw that dog in the park start eating it's own puke?
*L's running away, covering her mouth.
- Puke II -
L: You're a jerk.
M: I did you a favor. You were probably gonna throw up anyway, best to get it over with.
---
M: What's so bad about throwing up, anyway?
L: I'll give you a hint.
---
*L breathes into M's face.
M: Hey, what are you--
---
*M's running away, covering his mouth.
- Puke III -
Mom: Are you two okay?
M: Yeah, just having a little puking contest.
---
Mom: Oh, okay. Who won?
M: Well, L won the volume portion.
---
M: But I clearly won in accuracy.
---
Mom: Oh dear. I guess I better go clean the bathroom.
L: Sorry.
- Candy -
Mom: Here's your cough drop, Sammy.
---
Mom: And Sally, I got you a piece of candy.
L: Yummy!
---
L: Ha ha, I get candy.
---
M: Twelve, L. You're twelve.
Mom: Shush, Sammy.
L: Huh?
- Better -
L: I finally feel better. We should go do something fun.
M: Alright, hang on a minute.
---
*M's getting a cup of water.
---
*M throws cup of water in L's face.
---
L: Does that mean you're still sick?
M: Let me clarify with a bigger cup.
- Faking -
L: Just because your sick doesn't mean we can't have fun.
M: Perhaps, but you being better does.
---
L: Huh?
M: It's a school day, genius.
---
L: Oh crap! Wait, it's okay. I can still fake it.
---
*L is overselling sick. Mom arrives
L: Ooooohhhhh...
Mom: Good to see you're doing better, Sally. Now get ready for school.
- Homework II -
L: Here's your homework. If you do it today I can turn it in for you tomorrow.
---
*M looks at papers.
---
*M's giving papers back
M: Nice try. Now where's my homework?
---
L: Oh yeah, I probably should have actually gotten it, huh?
*M facepalms
- Caretaker -
Mom: Sally, it's your turn to take care of your brother.
M: I think I'd be better off if you took her with you.
---
Mom: Sally, can you be good and help Sammy if he needs anything?
L: You can count on me!
---
M: Since when?
L: Dogfood's still alive.
---
M: He also runs away from you.
L: Door's right over there.
- Search -
M: I need a cough drop.
L: I'm on it.
---
L: I couldn't find any.
M: They have to be somewhere. Keep looking.
---
*Mom's back.
L: Finally! Where are the cough drops? I've been searching for an hour.
Mom: We ran out. That's why I went to the store.
---
*L walks up to M.
L: Jerk!!!
M: ^_^
- Better II -
*M's on the couch reading.
L: It's the weekend. Why aren't you better yet!?
M: You're the one who got me sick.
---
*L walks off.
L: Ugh! I'm so bored!
---
Mom: Sammy, you told me you were feeling just fine.
---
M: Yeah, and I'd like to keep it that way.
~~~
// Ideas for future arcs to write.
Arcs:
~Bully
~History
~Glasses
~Amusement (park)
~Beach
~Camping
~Carnival
~Aquarium
~Zoo
~Blackout
~Snow
~Camera
~Lemonade
~House
~Sins
~IQ
~Minigolf ...one word...?
~Dream
~Development
~Drink
~Sex
=== Patrick ===
- Source -
L: Where did the whole pinching people who don't wear green thing come from anyway?
---
M: I don't know, but considering it's St. Patrick's Day, I'd wager whoever came up with it was quite drunk when they did.
---
Jill: Probably came up with it as an excuse to pinch cute girls.
---
M: Too bad there are none of those around here.
L & Jill: =_=
- Prey -
*L's looking at her Mom.
---
*L's looking at Jill.
---
*L's looking at M.
L: This sucks, everyone's wearing green!
---
M: You're not.
L: Oh crap...
=== Father ===
- Analogy -
Jill: You know L, it's not impossible that you and M have different fathers.
L: How could we have different dads?
Jill: Well, say you want to make cookies.
---
Jill: But when you look in the fridge you see two different tubes of cookie dough.
---
Jill: So you put both kinds of cookie onto a pan and cook them in the same oven.
---
Jill: Except, in this analogy, the oven is your mom, and the tubes of cookie dou--
M: Please stop.
L: I still don't get it.
=== Halloween ===
- Or -
*L's dressed up somehow.
M: Going trick-or-treating?
---
L: No, I've outgrown that.
---
M: Then what's with the costume and the bag?
---
L: I'm going trick-or-cashing!
- Evil -
L: I want to dress up like something evil this year.
---
L: Like a demon or a reaper or something.
---
M: Yeah, I think I'll be something evil too.
---
M: Can help me get my bangs to look like yours?
L: =_=
- Pairs -
L: Let's be an angel and devil for Halloween?
M: Neither of us can pull off angel.
---
L: Princess and knight?
M: So you can boss me around all night. No way.
---
L: I could be Little Red Riding Hood and you can be the big bad wolf.
M: You're certainly gullible enough to believe a wolf in drag is your grandma, but I can't pull off wolf in drag.
---
L: Then let's be a horse, since you're so good at being a horse's ass!
M: Only the figurative kind.
- Witch -
L: I want to be a witch for Halloween.
---
M: That's not much of a stretch.
---
L: And just how am I like a witch?
---
M: Oh, you said witch? Nevermind then.
=== Christmas ===
- Tree -
*L's wearing a long green shirt, brown pants and a hairband with spikes.
L: Guess what I am!
---
M: Statue of Liberty?
L: No, I'm a Christmas tree.
---
Jill: Ooh, I'll go make a torch out of a flashlight.
M: I'll see what I can to about a tablet.
---
L: I'm not the Statue of Liberty!!!
- Tree II -
*L now has a bunch of pins and/or buttons on her shirt. M is putting light around her.
L: Hey, wait, not around my arms...
---
L: -_-
M: Nobody likes a grumpy Christmas tree.
---
L: Oh, right.
---
L: ^_^
- Shake -
*L's shaking a gift.
---
M: You shouldn't shake them, it might be breakable.
---
L: Yeah, but there's two of this box.
M: So?
---
L: So I'm shaking yours.
M: -_-
- Santa -
*M's with a mall santa.
Santa: What would you like for Christmas, little boy?
---
M: You know what would make my season...
---
M: If you told the girl behind me she was getting coal.
---
M: You don't have to actually give it to her, but watching her panic for a week would make this the best Christmas ever.
- Santa II -
L: Hey mall Santa, do you tell real Santa what I want directly or do you just email him or something?
---
Santa: Well, I don't have the honor of talking to him myself, but rest assured your wishes reach him.
---
L: Have you ever been to the North Pole? Have you ever pet Rudolph!?
---
Santa: Ho, ho, ho. What would you like for--
L: Have you been inside the toy factory!?
- Tags -
*L and M are looking at presents under the tree.
L: This one's for me, and this one...
---
M: This one too, and--
---
M: Hang on... This tag is in your handwriting
---
L: I, uh, don't know what you're talking about...
M: -_-
- Xmas -
L: Why do some people write Christmas with an 'X'?
---
M: Ah, well, you know how on a pirate map 'X' marks the spot of the treasure?
L: Yeah.
---
M: And on Christmas we get lots of presents, i.e. treasure.
L: Oh, I get it, so writing it with an 'X' is like marking all the treasure we get! That's awesome!
---
M: Actually, I have no idea why it's written with an 'X'.
L: Asshat. =_=
@The writing was actually first used as the name of a Christmas themed burlesque show.
// Did this in a few hours when I was bored... Not sure how I planned on
// turning it into comics.
***Night before Christmas***
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
L's traps were set up, awaiting Santa to pounce;
The stockings were hung on the chimney with snares
In hopes that St. Nicholas's wrist they'd soon bear;
Sally was nesting, peeking out just her head
Ready to strike at the first sight of red;
With Mom in her room, still taking a nap
It fell on young M to disable each trap;
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
L sprang from her nest and left it a shatter;
Away to the window she flew like a flash
And thinking it open, she met with a crash;
The moonlight too dim for Sally to know
She ran out the house, hoping Santa would show;
When what to her wondering eye should appear
But a red plastic sleigh with eight plastic reindeer;
With a little old driver, alive as a brick
L's own decoration of that wily St. Nick;
More rapid than eagles, she returned whence she came
And tripped on a rope she'd set up for her game;
Now faster and faster she schemed like a vixen
Gathering supplies she had left in the kitchen;
From the swing on the porch to the end of the hall
L spread marbles on which she hoped Santa would fall;
And dry leaves were spread too so that Sally may try
And hear crinkling sounds when Kris Kringle went by;
Patience was key, though the little girl knew
With self-diagnosed ADD, what else could she do?
She thought in a panic, she must check the roof
In case Santa's reindeer had a pad on each hoof;
She craned up her head while turning around
But then heard behind her another loud sound;
Dressed in pajamas from his head to his foot
Her brother was holding a trap L had put;
A bundle of toys L had rigged to attack
By swinging down to knock Santa flat on his back;
M's eyes brightly twinkled, which L found quite scary
She knew it was her plans he was trying to bury;
He said with his mouth drawn up like a bow
"Santa can see what you're doing, you know."
"So what if he can!" said L bearing teeth
"Lest you want coal, your traps I'd re-sheath."
He had a smug face that gave L a sick belly
She saw his breath as he laughed, and knew it was smelly;
He was cocky and clearly quite full of himself
"Forget catching Santa, you couldn't trap his elf"
A wink of M's eye caused a twist of L's head
Soon the girl found herself filled up with dread;
M spoke no more words, but L saw Santa's work
"I missed him again thanks to you, you dumb jerk!"
M tapped his finger on his sister's cold nose
And returned to his bed to once again doze;
L felt she was ready to blow like a missile
But once back inside she could do naught but whistle;
Among presents galore, a note caught her sight
"Merry Christmas, dear L. You put up a good fight."
=== Jokes ===
- Knock -
L: Knock knock.
M: Who's there?
L: Banana.
M: Banana who?
---
L: Knock knock.
M: Who's there?
L: Banana.
M: Banana who?
---
L: Knock knock.
M: Who's there...?
L: Banana.
---
*M walks away.
L: Hey where are you going?
- Knock II -
L: Knock knock.
M: No solicitors.
---
L: Orange.
M: Don't need any oranges.
---
L: Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
M: Well, no, I could actually use some bananas.
---
L: You suck.
- Knock III -
L: Knock knock.
M: Who's there?
---
L: Interrupting cow.
M: Interruptingcowwho?
---
L: Moo!
---
L: I hate you.
- Knock IV -
L: Knock knock.
M: What's there?
---
L: B--Wait, what?
M: Yeah.
L: Yeah what?
---
M: What.
L: I asked you what.
M: I asked you first.
---
L: ...What?
- Knock V -
L: Knock knock.
M: Who's there?
---
L: Boo.
---
M: Which Boo?
---
L: Stop cry--I hate you.
- Chicken -
L: Why did the chicken cross the road?
---
M: He was jealous of Frogger?
---
L: No, to get to the other side.
---
M: Just like Frogger.
- Zebra -
L: What's black and white and red all over?
---
M: A bloody zebra.
L: Ew, no.
---
M: Sure it is. Let's go to the zoo and I'll show you.
---
*M leaves
L: Hey, wait. What are you gonna do to the zebra?
- Horse -
L: Why was the horse whispering?
M: I think you mean Pony.
---
L: Hey, I'm telling the joke.
---
M: Then by all means, why was the horse whispering?
---
L: Because he was a little...dammit.
- Numbers -
L: Why was six afraid of seven?
M: He forgot how Stratego works?
---
L: No, because seven ate nine!
---
M: Duh, everything eats nines. The only thing a nine can kill is the scout and only--
L: We're not playing Stratego!
---
M: We should.
L: >_<
@Stupid new versions of Stratego ruin this... Why would they change it anyway, it makes more sense the original way with 1 as the best. I mean, nobody runs around cheering "We're number ten!"
- Riddle -
L: How about this joke?
M: What?
---
L: What weighs more, a pound of gold or a pound of feathers?
M: That's not a joke, it's a riddle.
---
L: Same thing.
M: No, jokes are supposed to be funny...
---
M: Considering the jokes you've been telling though, I can understand your confusion.
- Riddle II -
M: A farmer has eight hay stacks in one field and six in another.
---
M: He combines them all in a third, empty, field. How many hay stacks are now in the third field?
---
L: I don't know. Fifteen?
---
M: No, it's--Wait, fifteen? You can't even add right...
@The answer's one, by the way.
- Riddle III -
M: How many of each animal did Moses take on the arc?
---
L: Three. Two to have babies and one to eat.
---
...
---
M: No, zero...cause it was Noah's arc.
L: Fine then, Noah took three.
=== Philosophy ===
- Meaning -
L: Do you know what the meaning of life is?
M: Sure.
---
L: Really, what?
M: It's an abstract philisophical concept sought by people who for some reason desire significance to their existance beyond mere random chance.
---
L: Very funny. Now what is it?
M: Well, you seem to exist for the purpose of making my life harder.
---
L: In that case I'll have to try harder from now on.
M: No need. You're a natural.
- Existance -
L: How do I know I exist?
M: Cogito ergo sum.
---
L: Did you hit your head recently?
M: It means, "I think, therefore I am."
---
L: So I exist because I think I exist?
M: Uh... not--
---
L: But I thought unicorns existed until you told me they didn't. That means you killed the unicorns!
*M facepalms
=== Origins ===
// Things from the past.
- Nickname -
*Age 5-ish
L: Sammy, how do you write your name?
M: Neatly, unlike you.
---
L: No, I mean how do you spell it?
M: Oh, um... correctly, unlike you.
---
L: =_=
---
*L kicks M.
M: Ow!
- Nickname II -
L: How do you spell your name?
M: It's the same as your name, just with 'm's instead of 'l's
---
*L's writing.
L: Oh, okay!
---
*M looks at L's paper.
M: You think there's an 'e' in your name?
---
*L is erasing.
L: N-no, of course not!
- Nickname III -
L: So, if our names are only different by one letter, why don't we use that letter for nicknames!
---
M: Uh, do we have to?
---
L: Yes, so now I'm "llll" and you're "mmmm"!
---
M: I'm not a snack. At least just call me "M".
L: Okay! M it is!
- Jill -
*M is sitting reading a book. Jill comes over.
Jill: Mind if I sit here?
M: That depends, are you annoying?
---
Jill: Only when I want to be.
M: Very well, you may sit on a trial basis.
---
*Jill sits.
---
Jill: Just so we're on the same page, should I aim for annoying or not so annoying?
M: -_-
- Jill II -
Jill: What are you reading?
M: A book.
---
Jill: Is that your way of saying you don't want to talk to me.
M: It was, but you're showing signs of intelligence. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if we conversed.
---
Jill: I'd rather inverse, but you better not try contrapositiving with me.
M: That's got to be one of the nerdiest things I've ever heard...
---
M: And while I may approve of said nerdiness, a bad pun is still a bad pun.
Jill: You're right, I'm sorry.
- Jill III -
Jill: My name's Jill, by the way. You're Sammy, right?
M: Yeah, but my sister calls me M.
---
Jill: Uh... are you saying I should call you M or are we playing the random fact game?
---
M: Eh, I don't care. You can call me whatever you want.
Jill: In that case, I think I'll go with Jerkwad.
---
M: That's... Okay, I deserve that.
Jill: Glad you see it my way, Jerkwad.
=== Inspired ===
- Names -
Jill: Hey, Miss... whatever your last name is. What's your first name?
Mom: I'll give you a hint. It sort of rhymes with my last name.
---
Jill: Don't suppose you're willing to give me your last name.
Mom: No but I can give you a hint.
---
Jill: Other than that it sort of rhymes with your first name?
Mom: Alright, let me think.
---
Mom: It's also the same length as my last name. Or first? Which one am giving a hint for.
Jill: Never mind...
- Names II -
Jill: M, what's your last name?
M: Same as L's.
---
Jill: Ugh, fine! L, what's your last name?
L: Madison.
M: Damn it, L, you're supposed to say, "same as M's."
---
Jill: And your Mom's first name is the same length and sort of rhymes...
L: Oh yeah, it's Allison!
M: Yeah, I don't how you can forget that...
---
M: She usually goes by Ally, which is your name minus an 's'.
L: Yeah, but I usually go by L.
- Names III -
Jill: What is with your family and matching names? What are your middle names?
M: Alex.
L: Karen.
---
Jill: Oh, well those are normal enough.
M: Mom says they're the names she had picked out before she knew we would be twins.
---
M: At which point she apparently had to make us match.
Jill: Of course...
---
M: It's also worth noting that my initials are S.A.M.
Jill: I...Wow.
- Outsmarted -
*L opens one side of the hamster cage. Dogfood hides on the other side.
---
*L switches to the other side. Dogfood switches too.
---
*L takes the top off entirely. Dogfood hides in the tube.
---
*L's taken the tube off the cage. Dogfood is running across the floor. L is chasing.
L: Dogfood, come back!!!
=== Miscellaneous ===
- Opposite -
L: You're too smart.
M: You're too dumb.
---
L: You're too relaxed.
M: You're too hyper.
---
L: You suck.
M: You blow.
---
L: ...dammit.
- Dammy -
Jill: What took you so long?
M: Silly Sally likes to dilly dally.
---
L: Oh yeah, well, uh, crammy Sammy is a whammy blammy.
---
...
---
L: Dammy, er, dammit.
- Apathetic -
Jill: You're being rather apathetic today.
L: Haha, she called you pathetic.
---
M: No, she said apathtic.
---
M: It means "not pathetic," like asymmetrical or asexual
---
L: Oh. Then I'm apathetic too!
M: Nobody would call you apathetic.
- Apathetic II -
L: Mom, am I apathetic?
---
Mom: No, I don't think I've ever seen you apathetic.
---
L: What!? Mooom!!!
---
*L storms off.
Mom: Sammy, I know you can hear me and had something to do with this...
- Kick -
*L puts sign on M's back.
---
*L kicks M.
---
M: You can't put the sign on and kick me yourself.
---
L: Yeah I can, I just did!
- Funner -
L: What do you guys think is funner, going--
Jill: What is this "funner" you refer to?
---
L: Ugh, who cares if it's not a word? You know what it means.
M: Yeah, Jill. She's clearly referring to someone who has fun.
---
M: You know, like how a builder is someone who builds or a skater is someone who skates.
Jill: Oh, okay. So who's this funner you mentioned?
---
L: Forget it, let's just go play a game.
M: But teasing you is funner.
- Time -
Mom: Bedtime.
L: Aww...
M: What do you mean "Aww." Bedtime's my favorite time of the day.
---
L: Why?
M: Because I finally get some peace and quiet.
---
L: Peace and quiet is lame.
M: What's your favorite time of day then?
---
L: Three o'clock because at three o'clock the clock says L.
M: ...
- Run -
Jill: Do twins run in your family?
M: Yeah, I guess.
---
M: I mean, L certainly does.
---
M: And I do too, when the situation calls for it.
---
M: Neither of us are all that fast though.
Jill: You're an idiot.
- Gullible -
M: Hey L, did you know the word gullible is in the dictionary?
---
L: Nah-uh, I'm not that stupid.
---
M: No, really, I can prove it.
L: Okay.
---
*Looking in dictionary.
M: See, right there.
L: Yeah--wait, I though... Dammit!
- Nightmare -
L: I had a bad dream. Can I sleep with you?
M: No.
---
L: But I won't be able to get back to sleep.
M: Don't care.
---
L: Come on. Just until we fall asleep.
---
M: No, you can't--wait, what?
- Cleaning -
Mom: Did you two clean your rooms yet?
M: Yeah.
L: Nope.
---
Mom: Sammy, go clean Sally's room please.
M: Uh... why me?
---
Mom: Because you listen to me when I tell you to do something.
L: Rookie mistake.
---
Mom: Besides, I'd like L to have a nice clean room to be grounded in.
L: That's okay, I'm on it.
- Like -
L: What do you like best about me?
M: I'm sorry, I don't understand the question.
---
L: Huh?
M: Your question implies that you posses a set of amiable qualities from which I could choose a most significant.
---
L: Huh?
M: I don't like you.
---
L: Fine, what do you dislike least about me?
M: Uh... you're quiet when you're asleep.
- Like II -
L: Come on, tell me one thing you like about me?
M: You first.
---
L: Uh, okay... I think my hair is pretty.
*M facepalms
---
M: About me, idiot.
L: Huh? What about you?
---
*M's walking away.
M: I need an aspirin.
- Like III -
*L's on the couch looking sad. M walks up.
M: Oh, don't be like that.
---
L: If you don't like me why even talk to me?
M: Come on, you know I like you... more or less.
---
L: You can't even think of one thing you like about me.
M: Fine, you're a very entertaining person to be with, happy?
---
L: Got ya!
*M walks off facepalming.
- Tissue -
*L and M are sitting next to each other.
---
*L sneezes into M's sweatshirt.
L: AH-CHOO!
---
M: o_0
---
M: Can I get you a tissue?
L: No, I'm good.
- Cookies -
L: I want to make cookies.
M: No, you want to eat cookies.
---
L: Whatever, I need to make them first
M: Yes, but the catch here is that cookies you make usually come out inedible, thus defeating the purpose.
---
L: Fine, I want you to make cookies.
M: I guess I can do that.
---
L: Was the lecture necessary?
M: No, but it was fun.
- Fast -
*L throws a ball at M.
L: Think fast!
---
*M sits still, the ball goes by him.
---
L: Hello? Why didn't you do anything?
---
M: I thought fast and realized I wasn't in any danger of being hit.
L: =_=
- Fast II -
*L's standing looking suspicious. M's holding a ball.
---
*L throws a ball at M, M throws his at L.
L: Think fast.
---
*M catches L's ball. M's ball hits L.
L: Ow!
---
*M throws L's ball back at her and hits her again.
L: Dammit!
- Looks -
L: Do you guys think I'd look good with long hair like Jill?
M: Oh, so you think Jill looks good, do you?
---
L: I didn't say that.
Jill: What's wrong with how I look?
---
L: I didn't say that either. Why can't I ever just ask a simple question with you people!?
---
Jill: What do you mean "us people"?
L: What!?
- Looks II -
L: M, who do you think looks better between me and Jill?
---
M: Why not drop the facade and just ask me straight-out who I'd rather get punched by?
---
Jill: Okay, who would you rather get punched by?
M: If I have to choose, then L, I guess.
L: Haha!
---
Jill: That means he thinks I look better.
L: Dammit!
- Looks III -
L: C'mon, who looks better?
---
M: I don't know. That's like comparing apples and oranges.
---
M: Or in this case I guess it's more like comparing raisins and peas...
---
L: Ew!
Jill: Pervert...
- Nicknames -
L: Hi Jerk.
M: Hello Idiot.
---
Jill: Do I get a fun little nickname?
---
M: Oh, we have one for you, we're just not allowed to say it.
L: We think it all the time though.
---
Jill: Then how do you know you're thinking of the same word?
L: It's a twin thing.
- Face -
L: Hi M.
M: Oh, he--what happened to your face?
---
L: Huh, nothing. Why?
M: Oh, sorry, I forgot.
---
M: Your face always looks like that.
L: Huh?
---
*M's leaving.
L: What's wrong with my face!?
- Face II -
L: If something's wrong with my face then your face should have it too.
M: Yet again, we are not identical.
---
L: Not identical, but we still look alike.
M: No more than the average brother and sister.
---
L: Yes we are. How else would so many people know we're twins before we tell them.
M: That...
---
*M's walking away.
M: No... Not worth my time...
L: Yeah, that's what I thought!
- Haiku -
M: Sally won't get it. She knows naught of what we do. Not even one clue.
---
Jill: Though true that may be, she still knows we insult her. We speak not in vain.
---
L: You guys are stupid. Why are you talking like this? Stop being asshats.
---
Jill: Coincidence...?
M: It... has to be.
- Captain -
*M and Jill are looking outside.
M: It appears to be raining.
Jill: Thanks, Captain Obvious.
---
M: Well, in my defense, my usual sidekick is Captain Oblivious.
---
*L goes running by.
L: Come on, let's get going.
---
L: Ah crap, I'm all wet now.
*M gestures towards L.
Jill: Fair enough.
- Wish -
M: If you had one non-proliferative wish, what would you wish for?
---
L: What does "non-proliferative" mean?
---
M: That is a god-awful wish.
---
L: That wasn't my wish!
- Wish II -
M: It basically just means you can't wish for more wishes in any way, shape, or form. So what would you wish for?
---
L: Uh... That unicorns were real!
M: That's definietely better, but still pretty crappy. I mean, how would that actually help you?
---
L: Hm... I guess that's a point. Then I'd wish for a pet unicorn. How about you?
---
M: I'd probably be too afraid of getting monkey pawed to ever use it.
L: I'm sorry, what are you afraid a monkey will do to you?
- Break -
*M's eating a candy bar.
L: You're gonna share with me, right?
---
M: Sorry, I'll starve to death if I don't eat all of it.
---
L: Pfft, give me a break.
---
M: I would but it's not a Kit-Kat.
L: -_-
- Idiot -
M: You're an idiot.
L: Takes one to know one.
---
M: That's one of the worst comebacks ever. Let's analyze it assuming that I can accurately identify an idiot if and only if I am one.
---
M: Either I am an idiot, in which case I'm correct that you are as well, or I'm not an idiot in which case you still may or may not be one.
---
M: Either way, you're at least as dumb as I am. Get it?
L: I stopped listening when you said "analyze."
- Idiot II -
L: You're an idiot. There, now you're as dumb as me or dumber.
M: Well, at this point we're either both idiots or both not idiots.
---
L: Huh?
M: If you assume either one of us is an idiot, then they correctly diagnosed the other as an idiot as well.
---
M: But it's still possible that neither of us are idiots and we're simply both incorrect due to not being able to "know one."
---
L: My head hurts...
M: Oh crap, you are an idiot!
- Understatement -
L: M, what's an understatement?
M: "You're stupid."
---
L: Well sorry if I don't know what understatement means.
---
L: You're a jerk.
M: Hey, I think you're getting the hang of it!
---
L: ...Huh?
- Wants -
L: You know what I want?
M: Money?
Jill: Popularity?
M: Fame?
Jill: Candy?
M: Cake?
Jill: Looks?
M: Brains?
Jill: Courage?
M: A heart?
Jill: ...A way home?
---
M: We synced up nicely there.
Jill: Yup.
---
M: Wait, I know! You want us to stop being jerks.
L: Let's go with that.
Jill: What did you really want?
---
L: Well...candy.
Jill: I said that one!
- Stupid -
Jill: You're so stupid you think Marco Polo was blind.
L: Oh yeah, well you're so stupid that... that...
---
*M whispers to L.
---
L: You're so stupid that you thought I was smart!
---
Jill: I can't beat that...
L: Hey, wait!
- Sacrifice -
L: M, would you die to save my life.
M: Nope.
---
L: What!? Why not?
M: Well, would you sacrifice your life for mine?
---
L: Of course I would!
M: Exactly. In other words, if one of us were going to die, you'd rather it were you. I simply wish to respect your choice.
---
L: Now I'm confused. Should I be mad at you or not?
M: Uh... No?
=== Things I don't want to forget ===
- Blackout:Candles -
L: I can't see anything.
M: Ah, so this is that kind of blackout.
---
L: Shut up.
Mom: Settle down you two. I'll go get some candles.
---
L: I'll go get the matches.
M: I'll get the fire extinguisher.
---
L: Shut up!
- Childhood:Unicorn -
L: Oh, my stuffed unicorn!
---
M: Oh yeah. What was his name?
L: =_=
---
L: Horny.
Jill: o_0
---
L: I didn't know what it meant!
Jill: I didn't say anything.
- History:Mnemonic -
M: Okay, let's try a mnemonic device.
L: A what?
---
M: It's a trick to help you remember something.
L: Oh. What did you call it?
---
M: A mnemonic device.
L: Mnemonic? Oh I know, that sounds like demonic, and tricks can be demonic, but this is a new trick so it's "new-monic".
---
L: Okay, now how do these tricks work?
M: Uh...
- Glasses:Contacts -
Jill: Glasses, huh?
M: Don't get used to it. I'll be getting contacts soon enough.
---
*L's walking by.
Jill: Why?
L: Hi four eyes.
---
L: Bye four eyes.
---
Jill: I withdraw the question.
- Glasses:Creative -
M: You know, I don't mind being teased, I just wish she'd be more creative about it.
---
M: But all she ever does is call me "four eyes".
---
Jill: Yeah, there really isn't any comedic value in that.
---
Jill: Oh well, guess you'll just have to ignore her, my quadracloptic friend.
- Glasses:Franklin -
L: I hear you want me to be more creative, Benjamin Franklin.
M: Uh... Okay, One, Franklin invented bifocals, not glasses. Two, millions of people wear glasses.
---
M: And three, Franklin is a respected historical figure, so I'm really not sure why I'm supposed to be offended to be called that.
---
L: Why should I be offended when you call me Einstein?
M: Because I do so ironically.
---
L: Well, so am I.
M: You call me Ben Franklin because I... don't wear bifocals?
L: Shut up four eyes!
- Glasses:Identical -
L: If we're twins why do you need glasses and I don't?
M: Seriously?
---
*M's leaving.
M: No, I can't. We're not identical. How hard can that possibly be to comprehend. There's a thousand things different about us yet she...
---
Jill: Just because you're twins doesn't mean everything about you--
---
L: Yeah, yeah, I know that. But I also know it drives M crazy when I say things like that.
Jill: Oh, then I approve.
- ???:Icarus -
M: Don't make the same mistake Icarus did.
---
L: Wouldn't it be his Mom's mistake that he's named "Icarus"?
---
...
---
M: Okay, I'm proud of you for that one.
L: :)
- ???:??? -
L: I forgot how big this place is.
M: I forgot how small your brain is.
- ???:??? -
M: How long have we been here?
Jill: What day is today?
---
M: Seeing as that's irrelevant, I'll say it's the fourty-second of fauxtober, two thousand eleven B.C.
Jill: Well, if that's true then we've been here for two hours.
---
M: And if it's not true?
Jill: Also two hours.
---
M: Thanks.
Jill: No problem.
- ???:??? -
L: I'm smarter than I look, you know.
M: And I'm taller than an ant. What's your point?
---
L: What's your point?
M: Never mind.
=== Inappropriate ===
- Adventure:Beastmaster -
M: Can I be a beastmaster?
Jill: Sure, that sounds cool enough.
---
M: Cool, everyone calls me Baiter 'cause nobody can lure in beasts like I can.
---
L: Awesome!
---
L: Welcome aboard Beastmaster B--I hate you...
- Christmas:Stroke -
*L and M are each decorating half of the tree.
---
*More decorating.
---
*Standing back and looking at the tree. M's half is neat, L's half is messy.
---
L: What do you think?
M: I think our tree's having a stroke.