Why are you still single?

Have you ever been on a date when in the middle of the conversation your date asks you the dreaded question…

Why are you still single?

This question is like a taking the pin out of grenade when your not ready. Like Pandora’s box, who knows what could come out. Below are some example responses that may turn your date awkward:

Example – lies

I’ve been too busy learning to become an astronaut, I haven’t had much time to date

I just haven’t met anyone worth settling down with – odds are that’s a giant lie and really they got DUMPED

I’ve been focusing on my band/music and I haven’t had much time for anything – yeah anything…except partying

Example – awkward moments

Your date sits and stares blankly at you as they try to think of a response that doesn’t make them seem crazy – my personal favourite

They get up and leave the table

They get so nervous that their body starts to disagree with them and makes inappropriate noises

Your date starts to sweat so much that it looks like they got caught in the rain

Example – honesty you didn’t want to hear

I’m clingy

I’ve cheated on everyone I’ve dated

I don’t shower

I’m too busy staying in with my cat to date

For me, when I’m in this situation my first thought is (please read in a completely defensive and aggressive tone)…”Because I am…Dick! Why are you still single? What’s wrong with you? I’m 28, I’m pretty sure I haven’t reached ‘old hag’ status yet.”

After that knee jerk reaction, I think to myself that the person is asking a fairly reasonable question. They are just checking to make sure that I’m normal.

And then I get really nervous. All of my past mistakes, all of my past relationships, and all of the painful and embarrassing memories I have come rolling through my brain like a tidal wave. What’s that all about?

What I think I should do…well, what we all should do is come up with a calculated response and/or experience, so that if the dreaded question ‘why are you still single’ ever comes our way again we’ll be prepared. We’ll have a battle plan.

My plan:

Accidentally I’ll spill my drink all over the table (maybe it will spill on to my dates lap too…who knows) because of this we’ll need the server to come and help us. By the time the disaster is cleared up, my date will have forgotten that he asked the question that ‘no one should say out loud’ and we can move on to having a lovely, soaked pants dinner.