I LITERALLY just got home from my quickie trip to Camp Pendleton, CA to say goodbye to my little brother, Travis who left for Afghanistan early this morning. I went with my mom and his girlfriend Tuty. I was really excited about this trip because it was the first time my mom would be going to the LA area and being able to enjoy it for maybe just a day…….which didn’t happen.

But something that made it better was late last nite my dad surprised us all and flew in to say goodbye to Travis as well. Had a great time all being together laughing & joking around with our last moments with Travis, since he’ll be gone for 7 months.

Well like I said earlier I LITERALLY just got home from the airport and the first thing I do EVERYTIME I come home from a trip is to run into the kitchen area and hug one of my favorite people in the whole god damn world…………my dog, Murdoch.

Upon entering the room I immediately know he’s not there, because he would of been at the gate waiting for me and he wasn’t. So I calming say ‘he’s not here’ which my mom is all like ‘what do u mean he’s not here?!’ If you guys follow me on Twitter then you would know this is pretty normal, Murdoch tends to run away when he’s scared (like during thunderstorms)…….looking for me

The first thought in my head was that I’d have to deal with the pound cuz they might of picked him up (those people are ASSHOLES), my mom & I start calling him from the backyard and in one of our neighbors’ back yards was a screened in patio with the lights on and EVERY TIME we’d scream Murdoch’s name 3 different dogs, including one that sounded EXACTLY LIKE MURDOCH would start barking.

And this isn’t normal Murdoch barking (which he rarely does) this is the OMG I’M STUCK I CANT GET TO YOU COME GET ME RIGHT NOW type of hysterical barking he has done a few times over the years. So then my dad checks the voicemails to see if anyone had found him and called to tell us.

After a few minutes he handed my mom the phone who then made a O_O face, which I said, “I dont like the face you’re making”, so I stood there watching her listen and at one point she pulled the phone away from her ear and said, “he’s dead” and then went back to listening, which I immediately was like, “UM EXCUSE ME – WHAT?!”

And kept yelling ‘what?!’ at her until she replayed the voicemail and gave me the phone.

I heard a man’s voice saying that he had found our dog on the road hit by a car, that SHE was dead and that he gave HER a proper burial, but just wanted to let us know that our dog was no longer with us but has gone up to the big dog heaven in the sky.

I can’t even describe to you what happened next, because to be honest I really don’t remember, it was like an outer body experience. All I do know is that I was standing in my room with my hoodie over my head trying to make myself breath but I couldnt exhale at all.

Then when I finally did I did like a gasp choke type of thing and started bawling………..but it was a weird cry, because I dunno like I was sad, but it was like I didnt understand why I was sad because it didn’t seem real at all.

Like Murdoch doesn’t feel dead to me at all………then plus with the dogs barking when we called his name earlier and the shady ass voicemail I dunno it just all seems wrong.

Like something IS wrong, but he’s not dead, so I’m sitting here confused with the feelings I think I should be having but don’t.

The whole thing just sounds like someone took him and am trying to cover the tracks, because on the voicemail they didn’t leave their name, their number or where they found him or where they buried him.

It’s just all so fucking weird.

But then it’s like you don’t want yourself to get clungy to that idea because if it turns out being false and he really is dead, then the heart I own is as good as dead.

So the plan so far is tomorrow my mom is gonna call the number back from the caller id and try and get some more info……so we can go unbury Murdoch and bring him home and bury him next to his brothers Homi & Jack, instead of in some stranger’s yard.

But I’m hoping & praying that instead of doing that, that it ends up not being true and I get to see his sweet dazzling face again.

Thanks to Katie for finding out about the free screening for the movie Remember Me, here & Erin were able to score us tickets to it. The screening was last night to a pretty packed and diverse crowd. Saw people from grandpa grey haired couples to the teeny Twilight fans with their mothers……of course.

I even saw a few people reading bibles as they waited for the movie start, as well as club attired girls walking around, perhaps thinking that with this screening that the Robert Pattinson on the screen could indeed see them *shakes head*

One of the reasons I think for the packed house was the buzz about the Eclipse trailer being shown before the Remember Me movie. And the general public aren’t used to going to free screenings for movies, but me who have gone to a ton, know that it’s VERY RARE that they show trailers.

The other reason there was a packed house was because this was the first big movie for Robert Pattinson since the Twilight movies have come out (yes I didn’t forget Little Ashes, but that’s an indie – how many of you got to see that one IN a theater?). So it’s a no vampire makeup, no in pained, completely human look at Robert Pattinson (since the interviews with him aren’t enough for his fans).

I was fortunate enough to last June go and watch a few days of filming for this movie, which for the longest time was my driving force to see it (other then Rob), until I got my hands on the script. It’s a good script in the sense that it really was gonna all fall on the acting in this movie and I was really excited to see how Rob protrayed his character Tyler.

In Remember Me Tyler is (in my opinion) a lost soul, still coping 6 years later with the death of his brother and trying to act as the glue in keeping his family involved with each other every so often. From picking up his little from school everyday, to trying to convince his father who is played by Pierce Bronson to be more involved with his daughter. Which in itself is diffcult enough for Tyler to deal with, because his relationship with his father was damaged with the death of his brother & the divorce from his mother.

Then add into the mix that one night Tyler tries to help these random people out in a fight gets thrown into jail after back talking a true NYC cop played by Chris Cooper. Tyler’s roommate, Aiden finds out that the cop has a daughter, Ally played by Emilie De Raven and suggests Tyler go out with her to get back at Cooper, but what happens is a beautiful & semi tortured love story.

But what happens when Ally finds out the truth?

This movie is filled with cute and hilarious moments as well as heartfail so be sure to bring tissues. Robert Pattinson was so amazing in this movie it’s ridiculous; it’s not really a surprise to me, because to take a character from How To Be and then go to Little Ashes character to Edward Cullen, looking at rpattz by himself you’d never guess he was all 3 of those characters. Well except for the fact that he looks like all of them, haha.

It’s very Leonardo DiCaprio, if I can so amazingly say and that’s another major draw to Robert for me, I see alot of Leo in him and with years of experience I believe he will be an even more amazing actor then he is right now. This movie is the stepping stones that prove it.

So whether you’re just a Twifan, like i am sometimes.

A Rob fan – like i am.

Or more importantly a movie fan – like i am….you should definately go see this movie because it will not disappoint at all.

You WILL laugh, you WILL get mad and you WILL cry, it’s really one of those great movies that’s a rollercoster of emotions. Those movies to me are the best kind!

I have been waiting to see this movie since I heard that Tim Burton was making it. All the movies that I wanna see badly I always go to the midnight showings the Thurs (or sometimes Tues) night before the movie is released, REGARDLESS of if I work the next morning. I wasn’t given that opportunity with Alice in Wonderland because my travel plans had changed to that Thursday before it came out.

So I didn’t get to see it until the Tuesday after it came out; which means I had to get all the hype of what people thought about it. Which usually any hype for anything repels me from it, for example the Twilight books. It wasn’t until I heard Rob sing that I read those books, which was the day before the first movie came out, haha.

Well the repeling hype doesn’t fall under any Tim Burton/Johnny Depp collaberation (or Leo for that matter), so Leilani and I went and saw it Tuesday night.

I LOVED it simple as that. The girl that played Alice was freaking me out with how much she looked like Gwyneth Paltrow, but I made it through. The beginning is a bit boring, but as soon as you enter Wonderland you’re hooked right in and anxious to see the Mad Hatter.

Which Johnny Depp was amazing as, but who ever doubt that to be the outcome is truely a moron. I was VERY happy to see that Crispin Glover was in this movie. I hardly EVER see him in any movies now a days, but so glad to see him make it into such an amazing movie. Helena Bonham Carter is perfect as the Queen of Hearts. Not gonna lie to you the makeup on Anne Hathaway was distracting as well as her ever floating hands/arms as she walked *shakes head*

Watching the movie you can’t help but giddy of having flashbacks of stuff that happened in the old cartoon disney movie and although we knew the Mad Hatter wouldnt be doing the Unbirthday song, we did get to hear the twinkle twinkle song, haha.

Oh and did I mention my favorite character in this movie is not the Mad Hatter but…….Hare. OMG he had me & Leilani rolling with his crack addict type of randomness. Sppppppoon! hahaha

In conclusion this movie is for all ages, because it sucks you in and really turn us all into the little kid that some of us like to hide away (not me, haha). So go see it! I haven’t seen it in 3D yet cuz I’m sure it’ll make me sick, but just know you dont have to see it in 3D to be truely entertained with this movie. It’s just as entertaining in regular 2D!

I just hate the fact that you’re not that good live. And i’m not saying the music or your voice, because you guys sound EXACTLY like your albums, but for some reason you are just more focused on having the crowd singing your songs. And I dont mean like just the popular parts of popular songs or just the popular songs in general, but the 3 times I saw you guys (all Free!) you were trying to get the crowd to sing like ALL your songs. And especially all the parts of songs I wanted to see you sing.

So it’s not like I said that your sound is horrible live, it’s just that you seem to be more distracting with boosting your ego then giving the crowd their money’s worth.

I of course have seen you 3 times and luckily didn’t have to pay for any of them, one of which I was snuck into and was probably my favorite show of ya’lls because we ended up doing what me & my friends call the “Congo Line with Jared Leto”.

No shit.

We did a fucking congo line with Jared Leto.

True Story.

Anyways after the last show I saw you guys live, I kinda forgot about you and to be honest was hoping you’d go back into movies, because I was a fan of your acting first, but then of course I second guessed myself when you guys released From Yesterday, cuz omg are you delicious in that fucking video. Then after that I didn’t hear anything from you guys.

Then this fucking video comes into my life because of @kimvi and no lie this song has been on fucking repeat the last few days, it’s ridiculous.

First of all I heard about this song & video from my friend Courtney a few weeks ago, cuz she had asked me if I heard it and just pretty much down played the whole song, saying how his hair is fucking weird in the video and they’re riding bikes. Yea the way she described it sounded like he had gone off the deep end, but let me tell you….

…I watched it and just the first few seconds sounds of epicness.

Needless to say I caught myself almost crying during the part with the horse running and just the ending where everyone was singing together.

It’s a very uplifting sounding song, with the chanting with everyone at the beginning and end, the guy getting hit by a car but then getting back up. It’s almost like a theme song for being the kings & queens of our own destiny once the darkness has set in on our lives.

It’s really hard to explain, but it’s fucking deep and I get it.

Touche Leto, I applaud you once again.

One request though, if I buy a ticket, being the first time purchasing a ticket to see you, would you please fucking sing this song yourself, except of course the chanting parts, i’ll understand that.

thanks <3

Kings & Queens
by 30 Seconds To Mars

Into the night
Desperate and broken
The sound of a fight
Father has spoken.

We were the kings and queens of promise
We were the victims of ourselves
Maybe the children of a lesser god
Between heaven and hell, Heaven and hell.

Into your eyes
Hopeless and taken
We stole our new lives
Through blood and pain
In defense of our dreams
In defense of our dreams

We were the kings and queens of promise
We were the victims of ourselves
Maybe the children of a lesser god
Between heaven and hell, Heaven and hell.

The age of man is over
The darkness comes and all
These lessons that we've learned here
Have only just begun

We were the kings and queens of promise
We were the victims of ourselves
Maybe the children of a lesser god
Between heaven and hell.