Life and Times of Mental Illness

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Love Me

I have been reading and thinking a lot about love recently. It’s a broad and thorny topic to get into, but here I go. I’m going to come out and say that I am no expert on the subject and what I have to say is just thoughts. I’ve been told on many occasions that if I love myself, true love will follow. Sounds pretty simple. I read an article about how to love someone with depression and it put this into a little better perspective. Sometimes (a lot of the time) I don’t love myself. The grip of Depression will do that to you. I get irritable, or distant, or down right angry and I don’t want to put anyone through dealing with those sides of me. Someday’s the sadness is so overpowering that I can’t hide it from view and it has caused issues in relationships of my past. The big issue is “I can’t make you happy, so why try.” The issue is not whether someone can make me happy, Depression is too complex for that. I would need someone who could understand that about me; that I won’t be happy all of the time. I fear putting anyone through that. It seems unfair to me. What exactly am I saying? I don’t know, I’m just rambling today. Love is a mystery to me and all it has brought me (so it seems) is heartbreak. I know that’s not all there is to love, but it sure does make it terrifying to let myself be vulnerable again. I want to protect myself from being hurt again.

I’m not going to dwell on finding someone right now. If it happens, it happens. I’m just going to concentrate on being myself and trying to love myself. I will practice being kind to myself and focus on living each moment. I do need to allow myself to be open about my feelings more often and not shut down into my “tough guy” mode. It’s ok to be sad sometimes and it’s ok to have a “tender” side. I’m me and that’s all I can be. Be yourself, don’t be a dick and if it happens, it happens.

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3 thoughts on “Love Me”

Yes, it is certainly okay to have a tender, gentle and ‘human’ side. We all have emotions, but hiding them and pretending that they don’t exist will never help. I believe that in time, when the time is right, that you will find that person and they will be someone who loves you for exactly who you are. Until then, you can ‘enjoy’ the process of refining yourself in preparation for that day, and ultimately for the now and in preparation of the wonderful future that you have ahead of you.

Dear ….! You have made good choice to love yourself! That is one of the main fundamental needs of humanity and many struggle with that. Seems you now what to do! For your precious desire to come through, i want you to think about something else- Life never just happens! Life is not mistake nor you are mistake! You have to choose life and life will go as you choose! Existence is defeated life. You not fit there because there is so much life in you! Choose life!
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