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Nick Clegg announces “conscious uncoupling” from reality

After more than 4 years of marriage to David Cameron, comic actor Nick Clegg has announced he is to separate from reality as part of a process he termed “Conscious Uncoupling“.

Clegg, 47, announced the separation in a statement posted on his blog:

“It is with hearts full of sadness that the real world and I have decided to separate,” the Deputy Prime Minister wrote.

A spokeswoman for reality confirmed the split and said that the couple had been “working hard for well over a year” but that the differences between the Deputy Prime Minister and the physical world had “become too big to ignore”.

The announcement comes just 4 years after Clegg unexpectedly announced his intention to desert his senses and abandon all reason by moving in with Cameron – declaring his love for the Tory frontman in their now famous joint ‘rose garden’ press conference surrounded by the romantic smell of mutual sycophancy and the intense aroma of bullshit.