This going to be short and sweet. If we accomplish all of these, we’ll blow Maryland out. Accomplish more than we don’t and we should win. If you’re checking this list in the 4th quarter thinking these were unrealistic goals, we’re probably in trouble.

Stop, contain, bruise, and batter Lance Ball and Keon Lattimore. Maryland has a good rushing attack, but luckily, we are strongest against the run. Both Ball and Lattimore can make us pay if we allow them through the first line of defense and get one-on-one with our linebackers or safeties. In my mind, Reed Williams and Mortty Ivy need to be on their A games for this task. They’ve played very well to start the season, let’s hope that continues tonight.

Pressure QB Jordan Steffy. This, with any game the Mountaineers play, is a huge key. If we pressure the quarterback, our defense can be stifling. With all those athletic safeties, pressuring the quarterback forces him into bad or at least low percentage decisions. That is when our turnover rate goes WAY up. Steffy, in his career, has only faced Villanova and Florida International. If Dykes plays — and I hope to God that he does — we can give this kid a rude introduction to top 5, BCS-caliber football.

Get the offensive line to the next level. That is, get them off their initial blockers and have them creating space downfield. Our rushing attack is at its best when our offensive line is 5 yards downfield almost immediately. This wasn’t too much of a concern the past two years as we had anchors in Jeremy Sheffey and Dan Mozes. This year, however, it’s been a bit more difficult a task. If guys like Stancheck, Isdaner, and Rodemoyer can get us downhill and engage those Maryland linebackers, White, Slaton, Schmitt and Devine should all have huge days.

This going to be short and sweet. If we accomplish all of these, we’ll blow Maryland out. Accomplish more than we don’t and we should win. If you’re checking this list in the 4th quarter thinking these were unrealistic goals, we’re probably in trouble.

Stop, contain, bruise, and batter Lance Ball and Keon Lattimore. Maryland has a good rushing attack, but luckily, we are strongest against the run. Both Ball and Lattimore can make us pay if we allow them through the first line of defense and get one-on-one with our linebackers or safeties. In my mind, Reed Williams and Mortty Ivy need to be on their A games for this task. They’ve played very well to start the season, let’s hope that continues tonight.

Pressure QB Jordan Steffy. This, with any game the Mountaineers play, is a huge key. If we pressure the quarterback, our defense can be stifling. With all those athletic safeties, pressuring the quarterback forces him into bad or at least low percentage decisions. That is when our turnover rate goes WAY up. Steffy, in his career, has only faced Villanova and Florida International. If Dykes plays — and I hope to God that he does — we can give this kid a rude introduction to top 5, BCS-caliber football.

Get the offensive line to the next level. That is, get them off their initial blockers and have them creating space downfield. Our rushing attack is at its best when our offensive line is 5 yards downfield almost immediately. This wasn’t too much of a concern the past two years as we had anchors in Jeremy Sheffey and Dan Mozes. This year, however, it’s been a bit more difficult a task. If guys like Stancheck, Isdaner, and Rodemoyer can get us downhill and engage those Maryland linebackers, White, Slaton, Schmitt and Devine should all have huge days.

Since we’re working on a short week, we are going to roll out our game preview first and then our picks for the college football week on Friday. If you’re depending on us for gambling advice, Friday is your day. Also, you’re an idiot for depending on us for gambling advice.

Stiles

Alright, this game has worried me all summer. Even though Rod has seemed not only to figure out the Fridge, but to own him now. To me though, that’s all out the window for this game. The atmosphere should be pretty hostile (at least compared to normal Maryland football standards) which might disrupt the offense some early.

The only thing that I have taken comfort in is the fact Maryland does not have much of an offense. If they did, I might pick them. But, the team they will trot out Thursday night does not have the firepower to keep up with the Mountaineers.

Maryland jumps out to an early lead, but WVU comes on strong in the second and third quarters. Then hold them off in the fourth.

WVU (-16.5) 42Maryland 31

Charley West

OK, so it’s Maryland week. To be honest with you, I hate the University of Maryland. College Park is a dump, their fans are some of the most arrogant I have ever seen, and Ralph Friedgen is a raging asshole. But I won’t tell you how I really feel.

As far as the game goes, Maryland has quarterback troubles ever since Scotty McBrien. That trend looks like it’s continuing this season. Maryland just can’t seem to put points on the board. But you know who CAN put points on the board? Yep, us.

I will Maryland some credit, they do have good team speed. But that speed doesn’t seem to translate to good football players. Heyward-Bey is extremely dangerous, but if no one can get him the ball, he’s wasted.

Unfortunately, on Thursday night in College College Park y’all, we’re going to get their best shot. I don’t think it will be as dramatic as the first half of the Marshall game, but this one might be closer than we would enjoy through the middle of the second quarter. But again, as we’re going to do a lot this season, we will pull away late.

Maryland has three different players with hyphenated last names: Darrius Heyward-Bey, Brandon Jackson-Mills, and Emani Lee-Odai. Damn women’s lib movement. Take his last name, quit your job, and get in the kitchen already. The meatloaf’s not going to cook itself.

Ralph Friedgen is not fat. Oh to the contrary. Everyone else is just anorexic.

In a recently announced marketing deal, Maryland will now play in Chevy Chase Bank Field at Byrd Stadium. At the game, each fan will receive a voucher for a free check-card as well as an apology for Fletch Lives.

I just saw a commercial for Vagisil on TBS. This doesn’t have a lot to do with Maryland, except that they’re all pussies.

Baltimore has the highest violent crime rate in the nation. I would guess that Maryland grads account for at least 95% of this statistic. Give or take.

If you didn’t know, a terrapin is a turtle. Maryland’s mascot is a turtle. Yeah, I would laugh too. The Diamondback Terrapin is also the state reptile of the state of Maryland. Keep laughing. I am.

During his 3 years at Maryland, Shawne Merriman was responsible for the distribution of steroids to the entire football team. Also, this may not be true. Don’t sue me Shawne.

This is truly a joyous day in the short (but illustrious) reign of West BY GOD Virginia. Today, we are proud to bring you an exclusive interview with Maryland Head Coach Ralph Friedgen. This is a major coup for us, so I hope you’re excited about it as I am. Enjoy.

Charley West: First off, Mr. Friedgen, thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to sit down with us. For a fledgling college football blog, this is a really big honor.

Ralph Friedgen: Not a problem, glad to be here.

CW: Now Ralph, what are your thoughts going into this Thursday’s nationally televised home game with the West Virginia Mountaineers?

RF: I think I was promised lunch.

CW: Yes, sir, lunch is on its way. They’re usually pretty punctual.

RF: No, I know I was promised lunch.

CW: As I said, lunch is on its way. Roasted chicken on a bed of fettuccini alfredo/chocolate cake, right?

RF: MMMMMM.

CW: It might not look like much, but these seats are actually leather, so if you could just avoid drooling on them.

RF: Why are we doing this in your car again?

CW: Moving on… Like I said coach, what are your thoughts on the game this Thursday?

RF: Well, if I remember correctly, we won 3 out of 4 quarters last year, so I feel pretty confident this year.

CW: Yes, I remember you saying that after the game. But you lost that first quarter 123-10.

RF: I don’t think it was that bad,

CW: Even so, you guys got blown out.

RF: Yeah, but now that Pat White and Steve Slaton have graduated, we should be fine.

CW: Actually, Ralph, both White and Slaton are back this year. In fact, they’re still just juniors.

RF: Fuck.

CW: What was that?

RF: Nothing, I sneezed.

CW: If my memory serves me, you actually recruited Steve Slaton. In fact, he had verballed to your program. Then, at the last minute, you pulled his scholarship. In his freshman season, Slaton rushed for…

RF: Actually…

CW: Excuse me, I’m not done yet. As I was saying, he rushed for 1128 yards as a true freshman. Last year, as just a sophomore, he ran for 1744 yards and finished 4th in the Heisman voting. This year, he was a pre-season All-American and front-runner for the Doak Walker and Heisman throphies.

RF: What’s your point?

CW: Well, Ralph, in hindsight, do you think it was a good idea to pull Slaton’s scholarship?

RF: Probably not.

CW: Yeah, I didn’t think so either.

RF: In my defense, we really needed to clear a spot for RB Morgan Green.

CW: How has he done so far?

RF: Hasn’t played a down.

CW: Good call on that one Ralph. OK, let’s switch gears. How pumped do you think Byrd Stadium will be on Thursday night?

RF: Pretty damn pumped. Maryland has the best football fans in the country.

CW: Really?

RF: No. That’s a lie.

CW: Yeah, that makes more sense.

RF: Probably like the 80th best fans. Wait, is North Texas good this year, because that could make a difference?

CW: Ralph, they play in the Sun Belt.

RF: Even so, I hear good things.

CW: For someone who has been so arrogant about Maryland football and your own coaching abilities in the past, this is certainly a change in tune.

RF: Yeah, that was all smoke and mirrors. I actually faked a good deal of my resume. Remember where it says I worked as quarterbacks coach for the Chargers?

CW: Yes?

RF: Yeah, I was actually in prison. I don’t really want to get into it.

CW: You know just admitting that will probably get you fired?

RF: You think they’ll do it before Thursday? I really don’t want to play the Mountaineers.

Big round of applause for Ralph Friedgen for agreeing to the interview and putting little ‘ol West BY GOD Virginia on the map.

Man, was that a good weekend. Went sailing, banged my slut of a girlfriend a couple times, and most importantly, the Redskins won. Fuck yeah. Great weekend.

Man, what is today? The 11th? Shit. Has Maryland’s season started yet? Let me check the Post. Damn, two weeks ago. Who did we play? Not like it matters since we’re fucking awesome. I bet we’ve already beaten Ohio State and the Jets.

OK, so who did we even play? Villanova and Florida International. What the fuck? I didn’t even know Villanova had a football team. I didn’t even know Florida International had a school. If it’s in Florida, why call it International? Dumbasses. Probably couldn’t get in to Maryland.

OK, so it’s week three. Who is going to get killed this week? Oh shit, it’s West Virginia. Bunch of rednecks, I’m surprised they even have a bus to get to the damn game. They’re so poor, Miss South Carolina wants to get them some maps.

They also suck at football. Man, we fucking own them. I remember that one Gator Bowl, that was sweet. God, I was just talking to my boy Trip at the club yesterday about that game. We killed them. Was that last year? Whoa, 2004? No way, feels just like yesterday. No way I have been talking about that game for 3 years. That’s OK, we’ll kill them this year. We went to the Orange Bowl in 2002.

I bet we’re favored by at least two touchdowns. Those inbred rednecks can’t hang with Maryland football. They’ll probably be too busy fucking their sister. Hillbillies. You got to be shitting me. We’re only favored by 16 points? No fucking way. We’re way better than that. We’re Maryland, the Beast of the East.

Wait, we’re 16 point underdogs? To those uneducated hicks? Give me a fucking break. They couldn’t even spell Maryland let alone beat us. I read where they don’t even have an ocean. How poor do you have to be to not even have an ocean?

Eh, who cares what the spread is, we’re still going to kill them. Bruce Perry is just a monster. They have no chance. Scott McBrien will tear that defense apart. They have no chance. Like I always say…