I work at a riding stable in exchange for lessons and my boss snapped at me today. I have trouble getting there ontime because of my depression and anxiety. I told her this and she called them excuses. She is fine with me being late and all as long as I don't interfere with her schedule, but today I asked her if I could push my lesson to a later time. I take medication, go to therapy, and try really hard to be ontime, but I realize depression is always going to affect my life in some way if it is there. She also used the word "laziness." She has been working at a summer camp all week long with kids and i know she's tired and stressed. Is this really my fault or did she just take her frustration out on me? Oh and she has a 10 month old daughter along with a mother who is suffering from cancer.

12 Replies

Ok, I feel like you already know the answer to this. I know you are in a really tough place yourself and her shouting at you has upset you. Imagine if your lateness impacted on her life and it upset her. I'm not saying it is ok for her to take her stress out on you, but it is very common. I can empathise with you both.

It sounds like she doesn't have a thorough understanding of what it means to have anxiety and depression. Can I ask why they make you late? What problems do you experience? Panic attacks? Difficulty getting out of bed? Etc.

I have a habit of wanting to fix things, and I am learning through this forum that sometimes people don't want things to be fixed, they just want to vent. I'm not saying this is the case for you at all, but I'm trying to think of solutions.

I totally meant to reply to your comment about your living situation and your college situation. I'm really sorry that I forgot!

Ok, so insomnia- what is your GP doing about that? My friend suffers from that and she is given sleeping tablets when it gets bad. Could your insomnia be linked to your living situation and other stresses? What do you do before bed-as in what is your routine?

I take my anti depressants before bed because they make me drowsy and that helps me to fall asleep. I've also noticed that if I don't check my phone or iPad before I go to bed I fall asleep sooner too. I have an alarm clock that imitates sunrise and sunset that really helps. I'll include a link. Is your room a bit of a haven- could you light candles, open your window for fresh air, listen to some relaxing music on your headphones (you mentioned your Dad is a light sleeper)?

Lack of motivation I totally get. I can't say that I can totally help you overcome that because I am struggling with that too. What do you think I could do? So on days when you don't struggle, what do you do and maybe I could do it too?

I get mixed up with who I share what with, but did I tell you about Superbetter? It's worth checking out, you can turn chores etc into a game. Heck, I'll even compete with you if that'll motivate you- it might motivate me too.

I take heavy sleeping pills along with anxiety medication and antidepressants. They help me a lot, but I think it's unrealistic to expect that they will completely alleviate my sleeping problems. Before bed I brush my teeth, pray, and read the Bible, but my lack of motivation makes it harder for me to do even those. When doing stuff, I like to listen to music and challenge myself to complete a given task before a song is over. That helps a little.

Do you take your sedatives every night? How soon before you intend to sleep do you take them?

You need to take the advice that I have to tell myself every day: be kind to yourself.

I love using music to do stuff. I also try to compete with the boiling kettle. As in, get the kitchen cleaned before it is ready. YouTube has loads of relaxing music you could listen to once you are in bed. You could even try and listen to Mindfullness tracks too.

Hi she was stressed and just being a bit oversensitive at the time. You are doing the very best you can and all of this will blow over; just don't dwell on it; take it she was having a bad day as do we all sometimes. XXx (you know what it is like to have a bad day and even people without depression it doesn't matter we all have bad days and have our own stresses)

So, you have reasons for being late which she calls excuses. However she has reasons for name calling but you do not call that excuses? Not criticising you because I too have often let things like this slide, but just pointing it out. Whether you are wrong to ask for a lesson change, or you are not appreciating your situation, or she is taking advantage, whatever...if you let her get away with slagging you off then you set a precedent. Explain to her that you sympathise with her, but will not accept verbal abuse. Ask her if there is any way the two of you can work this out to be mutually helpful. Maybe a change in your working hours could help with your routine, and maybe she needs more help given her situation. Exercise and fresh air is great for depression, so how about offering to do the late feeds.