Hungry for More: Romantic Fantasies for Women - just published! With stories by Tiffany Reisz, Greta Christina, D.L. King and more. 21 fantasies, from "Kitchen Slut" to a cougar to Craigslist sex to BDSM to bukkake to watching two men get it on, and more!

Friday, November 28, 2008

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

I love this e-card I found over at The Frisky. Kinda sums up my trip so far. It's not this one trip that's really the problem, it's the larger issue of the sexlessness of my relationship. Because sexuality isn't just about the doing it part, it's about the buildup, the anticipation, the flirtation. We have, well, none of that, and I often wonder if that will be the death of the relationship, at least on my end.

Then sometimes I think that's selfish, greedy. I feel like it's selfish to be disappointed when we don't have sex, especially when, say, we're in a hotel room (that's happened both times now). I was pretty sick yesterday, but by the time it was, well, that time, I was better, or at least, comfortable. I guess I just assumed we'd get around to sex in the morning. And that's the thing...we so rarely "get around to it." It's almost like we're already this couple who's been together forever and has been there, done that. If I had a kid, I probably wouldn't care as much (or maybe I would), but since I don't, it just pretty much makes me feel like the least attractive person ever. It's all worsened by the fact that we only have so much time together. I'm not even sure if I'm gonna stay with him in San Francisco, and now also want to shorten my trip so I can go to my friend's wedding.

We'll see. I try to do the whole Serenity Prayer thing about it, because really, I can't make someone want to have sex with me, if they don't. I can, however, decide if that's the kind of relationship I want to be a part of.

I'm reminded of this part from the novel I read on the plane, Katherine Center's Everyone is Beautiful (love the cupcake on the cover, and that I found the galley for $3 at Housing Works on election night!). It's right after the narrator's friend gives her a bag filled with sex toys:

I frowned at the bag while Baby Sam, still on my hip, swiped at it and missed. I thought about all the different types of sex out there. Goofing-around-laughing sex. Just-went-to-Victoria's-Secret sex. Three-glasses-of-wine-on-a-dinner-date sex. We-were-up-all-night-with-the-baby-but-if-we-stay-focused-we-can-be-asleep-in-twenty-minutes sex. Sex that started out as a backrub. Sex that started out as a peck on the cheek. Sex to make a baby. Sex on a lunch hour. Hotel sex. Motel sex. Car sex. Picnic blanket sex. There were thousands, and each variety had its charms. But the truth was, the best kind was the hardest to come by.

"What?" Amanda said, watching me hesitate.

"I'm just looking for passion" I said. "Not you-look-like-a-hot-hooker passion. More like I-want-to-consume-you passion."

Read the book for the rest; it's excellent, possibly even better than her first novel, The Bright Side of Disaster, which I liked a lot.

Props to Time for not only thoughtfully reviewing Milk (which I haven't seen yet, but plan to Sunday), stating that "Harvey Milk is the gay Joan of Arc," (which I haven't seen yet) but for owning its own homophobic past:

And when a film did take a compassionate approach to homosexuality, the mainstream press could pounce on it with cavalier ignorance and captious contempt. A review of the British drama Victim, about a barrister fighting the law that made homosexuality a criminal offense, took offense at the movie's "implicit approval of homosexuality as a practice. ... Nowhere does the film suggest that homosexuality is a serious (but often curable) neurosis that attacks the biological basis of life itself. 'I can't help the way I am,' says one of the sodomites in this movie. 'Nature played me a dirty trick.' And the scriptwriters, whose psychiatric information is clearly coeval with the statute they dispute, accept this sick-silly self-delusion as a medical fact." The review, headlined, "A Plea for Perversion?", appeared in the Feb. 23, 1962, issue of TIME magazine.

The medical nonsense spouted here — which was also the stated position of the American Psychiatric Association — underlined a conformist culture's fear of the Other. They're different. They dress and talk funny. They're a threat to our spouses and our kids. The arguments against homosexuals, like those against blacks, meant to turn irrational suspicions into punitive legislation. To counter the know-nothing majority, members of the afflicted minority needed a righteous, urgent spokesman. Blacks had MLK — Martin Luther King, Jr. Gays had MiLK — Harvey Milk.

And from the review:

Perhaps the least homosexual actor around, Penn here reins in his Method bluster to locate the sweetness and vulnerability beneath Milk's assured persona. He becomes this character — surely far from his experience — with no italicizing, no condescension, no sweat. This isn't an impersonation, it's an inhabiting.

In any early scene, Harvey shares a long, loving kiss with his future lover, Scott Smith (James Franco in a finely tuned turn). The kiss is director Gus Van Sant's declaration that, yes, this will be a gay movie. But there's no shock value, except in the tenderness of the passion — when was the last time you saw a great movie kiss?

Monday, November 24, 2008

I will never have one cause I'm on too many mailing lists, and now that I have my iPhone and an assistant my email checking is a bit easier, though I'm sometimes slow to respond.

But last week I sent 2 business-related emails and got autoresponders, much more than just a line or two. One was many, many paragraphs and honestly offended me with its presumptuousness. I won't get into all the details because I'm sure they have their reasons, but I can say as someone on the receiving end, I felt like I was being scolded and all I had done was send a professional query. And I should say that the person with the shorter autoresponse got back to me in a very timely manner with an attentive, thoughtful response that impressed me.

My first reaction was to think, "Oh, maybe an autoresponder is the sign of a successful blog." The "I'm too busy doing Important Things to respond to your petty little email" type of thing. But then I realized that it's just not me. I'm not even sure what I'd say, but I'm not gonna worry about it. I get being busy. I have a love/hate relationship with email. Sometimes I'm refreshing my many inboxes and hoping someone interesting writes to me, and sometimes I can't be bothered to compose 2 sentences to my closest friends.

So I'll turn it over to. Yay or nay on autoresponders?

Also, if you don't hear back from me after 3 days (not counting this week when, iPhone notwithstanding, I am gonna be enjoying Austin and having sex and eating cupcakes and such), you can email me again, preferably at rachelravenous at gmail.com for fastest response. The amount of unread email in my main inbox is...scary. Seriously; when I went to the Apple Store to buy my phone I think I scared the woman helping me with my inbox.

I kindof hate anonymous comments. I think they're a lazy way for people to hide behind...nothing. Stupidity. Not always, of course, but it kindof made me smile to see that Alison Tyler unearthed her anonymous mean commenter. And no, I have no idea who it is, and honestly don't care. My point is that you reap what you sow. Sometimes it doesn't seem that way, but I believe it is true.

I certainly read things I don't like, and sometimes I write about them. With, you know, my name. I would much prefer to write about things I do like, happy things, but life isn't always like that. But there is a difference between constructive criticism and bitchy anonymous hatred. Someone once left a comment on one of my Amazon blog postings wondering why a certain publisher published my stuff. I'm not quite sure why she didn't take that up with them, but that was not the right place for it.

Over at the Do Not Disturb hotel sex blog, I'm posting about, well, hotel sex. So I'd love to know which hotels you think are sexy and why, for possible inclusion on the blog (you can be anonymous or I can credit/link to you). Write me at rachelravenous at gmail.com - Thanks!

The only problem with this project is it keeps making me want to visit all these hotels.

Sometimes, my body is trying to tell me something, and I ignore it at my peril. Today, I threw up after drinking the same tea I drink most days, Tazo’s Awake tea. I’d eaten parts of cupcakes in the morning so that I could write about them, and had an egg sandwich, mostly with the egg, and some seltzer. I think it was the tea; I wasn’t feeling poorly before that, but after that, I just felt awful, but I couldn’t go home early. I was going to go to trivia because I love it, but my head has been hurting for the rest of the day, making it near impossible to concentrate on anything. I’d look at something, start to work on it, and my vision would get kinda blurry and I’d just not be able to concentrate. My face hurts, which is not a good sign, and I keep having this unbearable urge to cry, which I just may let myself do. Some of it may have to do with getting my period today, because my period only seems to come when I'm going on a trip. Not every trip, but, well, most of them. My fault for not being on the Pill already and able to double up and skip a period, but still.

I dragged myself to my post office to pick up my mail, but alas, there were none of the checks I was hoping for, plus a crazy long line (I will say that the very clean, bright post office down in the Wall Street area is one of the most efficient ones I've ever seen, giving me one more thing to like about this area, which is surprisingly mellow, unlike the 34th Street area was). Happily, I did get the book Blog Blazers in the mail from my friend Jennette Fulda, which I plan to take on the plane tomorrow to Austin. I already read a few of the interviews and they were very interesting. I’m trying to be a sponge about so much of this, cause I knew nothing when I started blogging. I deleted this blog in its entirety back during those hazy breakup days of maybe 2004 or 2005. I don’t regret that, but I didn’t really think it through. And with my cupcake blog, and ideas of new ones, and planning my SXSW food blog panel, I’m trying to learn about how to keep building it and how to juggle it all.

Sometimes it seems like there’s so much to learn, I’ll never have a chance at figuring it out, but then I remember that even if I don’t do things the “official” way, our way has worked pretty well so far and every day I'm getting signs that the world of food blogging is welcoming me, is where I belong (especially with my iPhone).

But my point was, I get the sense that my body is trying to say, “Hey, take it easy. It’s okay if you have to cry, or pause, and maybe even take a few days off, like entirely off, not sortof off but frantically working on the side.” It’s been a rough few days, lots of stress about money, overdue projects, my relationship, a few particularly vexing business situations that I’ll post more about later that I think have been eating at me from the inside out. I had a lot of delicious solitude this weekend and I needed that, but am now about to head into four days of nonstop togetherness, and I don’t always do too well with that. I have this really bad habit of letting things build up to a really horrible point, whether it’s illness or deadlines or debt or mess or whatever and when things fall apart, they fall hard. I think all of that contributes to just wanting to stay under the covers for a few days rather than hop on an airplane.

I’ll be fine, and I’m looking forward to the nice weather, but traveling is always stressful. Hell, sometimes even washing my hair is, if not stressful, more than I can manage. I’m in dire need of a haircut but just keep putting it off. Now I have to try to rearrange my SF trip to go to a friend’s wedding here that I’ll be sad if I miss. But one thing at a time; first I need to take care of my body because while I can work through a lot, when my body is insisting I barely be able to make it through a paragraph, let a whole page, it’s gonna win.

I would love love love it if you'd click on over and read it and if you like it (or, you know, even if you don't, rate it and comment).

Have an idea of what I should write about? Email me at rachelravenous at gmail.com - on tap are Mushiness (how much is too much?) and Flirting (as in, do you flirt with everyone, or just your s.o./people you're interested in?) You can write me about those things too.

And the column isn't called "Girl Talk" - that's a general category on The Frisky. I'm still brainstorming on a name that hasn't been done to death and doesn't sound ridiculous, and is still perky and fun. Any suggestions?

Sunday, November 23, 2008

My beautiful friend, Hitha Prabhakar (www.hithaprabhakar.com), at herbirthday brunch, fresh off a Fox News appearance. For the record, Idid NOT give her a dildo for her birthday! I gave her Rachael Hale'sgorgeous photo book Baby Love.

Hith, I love you and am so proud of you! You are gonna take over theworld in 2009. And inspire me to do the same. Xoxo, R

Saturday, November 22, 2008

For both my personal reading and as possibilities for my SXSW panel,I'd love to know what your favorite food blogs are. I am discoveringso many amazing ones. Comment or write rachelravenous at gmail.com.Thanks!

And this photo is from a place I tried today, Moaz Vegetarian - www.moazveg.com - great stuff! It's a European chain. I had an egg and eggplant in awhole wheat pita and a side of really spectacular broccoli. Theirtoppings are excellent. Great for cheap quick food in Union Square,but very tiny.

Yesterday a box full of copies of Bedding Down arrived. That is alwaysa magical moment for me no matter what drama the book's productiontook. Recently we put my planned Cleis book Nasty Habits (new HolySex) on hold and it was one of the most freeing decisions I've made oflate. Rather than slog through a book that just wasn't coming togetherand, worse, might sell poorly and tarnish the chances for my futurebooks, we set it aside. Added bonus: no rejection letters, the partthat makes me want to give up anthology editing forever.

I'm not proud of a lot of my decisions or work ethic this year, butthat was an utterly brilliant suggestion from my editor that freed upmy time and my mind. There are lots of books one could do, but I amlearning which are worth my while and which aren't, which sell andwhich don't. I'm very curious to see in January whether my first booktrailer (for Spanked) had any impact at all on sales. For way too longI thought it simply an honor to be published, rather than a strategicbusiness decision. Hopefully I figuring this stuff out as I go. Inever want to assume I know it all, but am willing to learn.

On the weekends I look for somewhere to park myself. I visited thebrand new Butter Lane on East 7th and loved it. Full writeup soon atCupcakes Take the Cake. I have some story submissions to read/edit, myBottoms Up manuscript to wade through, books I'm eager to read andlots of copies of my new Avon Red erotic romance novella anthologyBedding Down to mail. The book itself is gorgeous. It's my first timeworking with a major publisher rather than an indie press and that'sinteresting.

Right now I'm at Whole Foods on the LES, but will be wandering SoHo/East Village later. I'd planned to see my comedian friend ClaudiaCogan and mingle with hundreds of lesbians on The Poconos but opted toputter around NYC and see friends here, especially because I leave forAustin on Tuesday.

Check out my Twitter stream from last night for some highlights (someday, you know, when I'm 64, I'll figure out the Twitter screenshot thing but now is SO not the time as I'm extremely behind and overextended, so you'll have to go look for yourself).

It was a lot of fun and videos will be up soon. BUT I really hope readers learn that "8 minutes" does NOT mean "10 minutes" or more. If they are too long for YouTube, I will not be a happy curator. I will have to learn how to write "8 MINUTES!!!" in my emails more clearly. Other than that and the bar's lack of flyers, sad for our 3rd anniversary, it went pretty well. I must've plugged my iPhone a dozen times, but it really saved the reading - I could call up the bios right there. Love that. Very excited about the next two months, True Sex Confessions December 18th and Susie Bright January 15th. January's shaping up to be pretty busy, but first

I'm so thrilled that the contents of Do Not Disturb: Hotel Sex Stories just got finalized. I'll post the Table of Contents here soon, but for now, I can share my introduction to the book (it may get tweaked a little in copyediting, but I couldn't resist):

Introduction: Made for Sex

Hotel rooms are, in a word, hot. The minute I enter one, I want to strip off all my clothes and dive naked between the sheets, whether I have a lover there to share in the indulgence with me or not. Much more so than my own bed, hotel beds make me horny. They are, or at least, seem to me, to be made for sex.

Hotels give us the chance to unwind, relax, and, if we choose, become someone else. Behind closed doors, we are free to frolic, fuck, and flaunt ourselves. It doesn’t matter whether the hotel is in a faraway land or in your own hometown; the point is, it’s a clean slate. It’s not your home filled with all the reminders of what you could or should be doing. Other people have fucked and will fuck in the bed you’re about to sleep in; that can be a turn-on in and of itself. It’s your borrowed space, for an hour, a day, a night, or longer, and in that time, you can claim it, control it, use it for your own naughty purposes. Other guests are prowling the hotel, checking in, checking out, banging and getting banged against the wall. There’s a sense that anything can happenæand quite often, it does.

To me, the anonymity of hotel rooms, their personality wiped clean with each new guest, is part of their appeal. They beckon us with their welcoming ways. They offer an escape from the everyday, a chance to let loose and become someone else. In Do Not Disturb, I wanted to capture the ways hotels fit into our erotic imagination, whether they’re a necessity or a luxury. Hotels let us explore parts of our passion that get left behind in the rush of daily life.

The authors whose work you are about to read understand perfectly the allure of a fresh hotel roomæor a hotel lobby. Indeed, the entire atmosphere a hotel offers can simply scream of sex. This goes for five-star and by-the-hour joints. They each have something to add, and here you’ll find romps between lovers and strangers, reunions and quickies, as these characters indulge in their new settings.

Many of the characters here use hotels for secrecy, relying on the unspoken code of employees to never share what goes on. Others use them for flirting, for catching their prey. Many need a hotel room in order to engage in an affair or a roleplay. Whether exploring Japan’s love hotels in Isabelle Gray’s “So Simple a Place” or getting “A Room at the Grand” for a very special callgirl, the men and women you’ll read about get off on their surroundings. The hotel itself becomes a player in their affair, a sign of the lengths they’ll go to be together.

And this book wouldn’t be complete without some extramarital affairs that can only happen in hotel rooms, like the lovers in Lisabet Sarai’s “Reunion” or Gwen Masters’s “Memphis.” For these characters, the hotel room takes on added meaning for it is an ever-changing venue where their relationships grow, where they can savor each other’s bodies without their spouses knowing, or so they hope.

Hotel rooms are also perfect for quickies, those fast fucks that you only need an hour or so for, made all the more arousing for their brevity. In Saskia Walker’s “The Lunch Break,” a sultry waitress pounces on a diner, and in my “Hump Day,” a couple shed their business personae once a week to become the kind of people they could never be (or fuck) at home.

Even in the more innocent stories here, the vacation sex, the getaways among couples, there’s something just a little clandestine about these hotel room hookups. That air of perversion is what makes getting serviced in a hotel (or motel) infinitely sweeter than doing it anywhere else. It’s a private way of being an exhibitionist, of leaving the staff and fellow guests guessing (or parading around in your hotel robes). Sometimes it’s a neighbor who’ll lure you from the safety of your relationship, such as the lesbian who teaches Madlyn March’s protagonist a thing or two in “Heart-Shaped Holes,” or the way Elizabeth Coldwell’s fellow jurors wind up relieving some tension in between trial time.

There’s a hotel in New York, the Library Hotel, that has long intrigued me. They offer an Erotica Suite, filled with strawberries, whipped cream, red roses, erotic dice, Mionetto Presecca, edible honey dust, and a Kama Sutra pocket guide. They’re upfront in their intention that you truly savor their package, as well as your lover’s. I’ve never stayed there, or done more than pass by. In some ways, I prefer to keep its beauty safely tucked away in my imagination, the kind of room I’d use with a rich lover from out of town who’d seduce me with his or her accent, whisper to me in a foreign tongue before taking that foreign tongue and licking me all over. That’s another thing about hotel rooms: they are perfect to fantasize about. In them, and in your dreams about them, you can have any kind of sex with anyone (or everyone) you want.

I can tell you that the sex I’ve had in hotel rooms has been some of the hottest of my life. I get off on knowing that neighbors may hear me, and in fact, that brings out the exhibitionist in me. The sexiest porn director I know took me to his hotel room in Manhattan one night and while his porn star girlfriend was elsewhere, we indulged in one of the most dirty, powerful, delicious fucks I’ve ever had, and when he came all over my chest, I reveled in it. I didn’t wash it off, either, but proudly let it dry on my skin and couldn’t stop the smile that found its way to my lips as I took the subway home.

Once, in some random seedy L.A. hotel, another lover and I hadn’t brought any condoms, and instead had to make do with a paddle and a butt plugæpoor us. In a seedy Midtown motel, I spent a few hours romping with a very sexy young man who showed me all kinds of ways I could twist my body to extend my pleasure, then felt a shocked, naughty thrill as he entered the bathroom while I peed and watched me before dipping his fingers into the stream. Something I likely wouldn’t have allowed at home became acceptable in a place I’d likely never find myself again. And when I’m in a hotel room by myself, tucked away under the sheets, I feel naughty and decadent, even if the only party guests I’m hosting are my fingers and my pussy.

While I doubt hotels are going to be stocking this book in their dresser drawers alongside The Bible, I hope that it finds its way into hotel romps. I picture lovers reading aloud to one another as they get ready to mark their hotel room, or in the afterglow, perhaps leaving it behind for the next lucky guest. I hope hotel staff spirit it away and read it during their downtime. I hope the next time you enter a hotel lobby, even if you have no intention of getting busy with anyone you may find there, that you’ll at least notice the many erotic possibilities that greet you.

My most recent hotel rendezvous was at the ultra-fancy art-filled Chambers Hotel in Minneapolis. I was staying by myself for two nights, and while I didn’t share my bed, the room itself beckoned to me. I found myself getting horny as I dove between the covers, wishing I had a lover to share my good fortune with. Now I have this book, which I hope you’ll take with you on your travels, perhaps read it while lounging in a hotel lobby, or whisper from it into your lover’s ear before you make so much noise in your hotel room bed that someone calls security. However and wherever you read this book, I hope it turns you on as much as it does me.

Cupcakes Take the Cake bloggers Allison Bojarski, Rachel Kramer Bussel and Nichelle Stephens invite you to celebrate our 4-year blogiversary with free cupcakes from local bakeries and plenty of cupcake-themed raffle prizes, such as the cookbook Baked: New Frontiers in Baking and the novel Life's Too Short to Frost a Cupcake. 1-800-Flowers' Cupcake in Bloom will also be given away as a prize. Feel free to bring your own cupcakes, or just come to taste our free offerings. FREE, 21+

If you've ever been a small publisher selling to Amazon, or an author/editor dealing with a small publisher dealing with Amazon (that's me! With Pretty Things Press and Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 1 and 2 and Sex and Candy), you know that their stocking system makes no sense. Or, well, it makes sense to them, but sucks bigtime for publishers because they are constantly ordering in extremely small increments. I had to deal with frustration as an editor with my books not always being in stock; I've also had other Amazon issues with them de-listing the rankings of books like He's on Top, but that's another story.

Sometimes it’s good to be out of stock. It gives a certain degree of ‘get-it-now-before-it-runs-out-again’ perception to the buyers.

I respectfully disagree. What happened with me, full disclosure, is that Steph's reply to my comment convinced me to order it, but then the lovely Jennette Fulda (an interviewee) said she'd send me a copy, so rather than wait, I'm getting that one and will of course review it here and on Amazon. I really do look forward to reading it; I mean look at the bloggers who are interviewed:Dan Lyons, Jessamyn West, Seth Godin, Penelope Trunk, and onward. I think I found it via SEO Book, but I'm not sure.

My main point is, through no fault of the editor's, she lost a sale, and I'm sure more people will click through and buy a book on impulse if they think they're going to get it right away. One thing Amazon does well is shipping; I order from them often and usually get my book within 2 days, sometimes the next day (Manhattan delivery).

You can, of course, also order it directly from the author, and it does indeed exist:

I especially like the simple but informative blogger bios section, where you can easily find out more about these talented bloggers.

You so don't want to miss tonight's reading! It's really got a fabulous lineup and so much free stuff to give away. Plus we'll be selling the sex blogger calendar that Desiree and I are in. Also look out for December 18th, True Sex Confessions with Rachel Resnick (author of Love Junkie), Rex Sorgatz (blogger, Fimoculous), Christen Clifford (playwright, Baby Love and (What I Know About) My Parents' Sex Life), Neal Boulton (Editor, BastardLife) rest of lineup TBA, January 15 with Susie Bright and many contributors to X: The Erotic Treasury and February 19, Love, Lust and Broken Hearts Night.

In The Flesh celebrates its third anniversary with a blowout night featuring drink specials, giveaways, and extra-steamy stories. This evening features an eclectic mix of erotic fiction and non-fiction this November, with novelist and screenwriter Trey Ellis (Home Repairs, Platitudes), novelist Francis Levy (Erotomania), David Henry Sterry (Master of Ceremonies author), comedians Kelli Dunham and Margot Leitman, Jincey Lumpkin (DigiRomp.com), and blogger Desiree. Hosted by Rachel Kramer Bussel (Spanked, Tasting Him, Tasting Her, Dirty Girls). Free candy and cupcakes from Kumquat Cupcakery will be served and books and other prizes will be given away. $5 drink specials! Free condoms courtesy of Rachel Sarah and free sex toys courtesy of event sponsor Babeland will be given away while supplies last.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Since its debut in October 2005, In the Flesh has featured such authors as Laura Antoniou, Mo Beasley, Lily Burana, Jessica Cutler, Stephen Elliott, Valerie Frankel, Polly Frost, Gael Greene, Andy Horwitz, Debra Hyde, Maxim Jakubowski, Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE, Josh Kilmer-Purcell, Edith Layton, Logan Levkoff, Suzanne Portnoy, Sofia Quintero, M.J. Rose, Lauren Sanders, Danyel Smith, Grant Stoddard, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, Dana Vachon, Veronica Vera, Susan Wright, Zane and many others. The series has gotten press attention from the New York Times’s UrbanEye, Escape (Hong Kong), Flavorpill,The L Magazine, New York Magazine, Philadelphia City Paper, Time Out New York, Gothamist, Nerve.com and Wonkette, and has been praised by Dr. Ruth. This is not Amanda Stern’s Happy Ending Reading Series.

Rachel Kramer Bussel’s most recent edited anthologies include Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica, Tasting Him, Tasting Her, Dirty Girls, Yes, Sir, Yes, Ma’am and Best Sex Writing 2008. She is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations and wrote the popular Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice. Rachel has also written for AVN, Bust, Cosmopolitan, Gothamist, Mediabistro, Metro, New York Post, Punk Planet, San Francisco Chronicle, Time Out New York, Velvetpark and Zink. She also co-edits the cupcake blog Cupcakes Take the Cake.www.rachelkramerbussel.com

Desiree is a brainy, sexy, foodie, geeky, writer chick from New York. She lives in Brooklyn with her vampire cat Snarf and has always had an inclination toward the naughty. She never backs down from a Scrabble challenge and once scored seventy six points with the word "clitoris." She blogs about sex and life at www.baserinstincts.com. For general info on her antics or to find out where to read her stuff, check out www.desireemoodie.com.

Kelli Dunham (www.kellidunham.com) is a Fresh Fruit award-winning queer comic based in New York but is always traveling everywhere and never quite certain where she’s left her underwear. She has two comedy CDs to her credit: I am NOT a 12 Year Old Boy and Almost Pretty and is the author of four published books of light hearted nonfiction and a frequent contributor to humorous anthologies. She was been featured on Showtime’s Penn and Teller Bullshit and once taught a nun to masturbate.

Trey Ellis is a novelist, screenwriter, essayist and professor. He is the author of Bedtime Stories: Adventures in the Land of Single-Fatherhood (Rodale). His acclaimed first novel, Platitudes, was reissued by Northeastern University Press along with his influential essay, “The New Black Aesthetic.” He is also the author of Home Repairs and Right Here, Right Now which was a recipient of the American Book Award. His work for the screen includes the Emmy nominated Tuskegee Airmen, and Good Fences starring Danny Glover and Whoopi Goldberg which was shortlisted for the PEN award for Best Teleplay of the year. His essays have appeared in The New York Times, Playboy, The Washington Post, The Los Angeles Times and Vanity Fair, among others and he has contributed audio commentary to NPR’s All Things Considered. His first play, Fly, was produced and performed at the Lincoln Center Institute. He is a regular blogger on the HuffingtonPost.com and Babble.com and lives in Manhattan with his two children where he is an Assistant Professor of Film at Columbia University.

Margot Leitman’s off beat, brutally honest, fearless comedy has earned her two ECNY “Best Female Stand Up” nominations and the “Joke of the Week” in Time Out New York. Margot now regularly appears as various characters, including the cult favorite Gynoblast on Late Night With Conan O’ Brien, in addition to appearances on VH1’s Best Week Ever, ESPN’s Cheap Seats, AMC, the Style Network, E!, Comedy Central, MTV and NBC Broadband. Most recently she can be heard as the voice of “Fox” on the new Spike TV cartoon The Team, as a featured comedian on Comedy Central.com’s “Weekly Evil,” and dancing in the current Mohegan Sun ad campaign. Every month she and Giulia Rozzi co-host the wildly popular, monthly, sex-themed storytelling show “Stripped Stories”. Margot has been featured in Glamour Magazine, and the books Fifty Dates Worse Than Yours and The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Jokes. She has written online for the Lifetime Network, College Humor.com, EHow.com and in print for Playgirl Magazine. Her stories will appear in three different anthologies slated for publication in 2008/2009.www.margotleitman.com

Erotomania is Francis Levy’s first published novel. He is a prolific fiction writer whose humor, essays, criticism, and poetry have appeared in a wide variety of publications including The Washington Post, New York Times, New Republic, Newsday, Village Voice, Penthouse, Travel & Leisure, Architectural Digest, The Journal of Irreproducible Results, and The Big Book of New American Humor.

Jincey Lumpkin, Esq. is a New York-based attorney and entrepreneur. She is the CEO of DigiRomp.com, the first lesbian social network for sharing erotic experiences. In addition to her burgeoning online business, Jincey also runs FashionLawyerBlog.com, a blog she covers current issues in Fashion Law. She writes erotic fiction both under her real name as well as the pen name, Virginie de la Montcagne. She hopes to expand her growing businesses while traveling the world.

David Henry Sterry is the author of Master of Ceremonies: a True Story of Love, Murder, Roller Skates and Chippendales, about being the MC at Chippendale's in New York in the cash-happy coke-crazy 80s. He also wrote Putting Your Passion Into Print, and as a book doctor has helped many writers become authors. His first book, Chicken: Self-Portrait of a Young Man for Rent, is being made into a TV series by Showtime. Chicken, the 1-man show was named the #1 show in the UK. And yes, he was the ugliest man at Chippendales.www.davidhenrysterry.com

Yes, I'm a columnist, of a sort, again. It's not a sex column this time (yay!) and is online and I'm really thrilled about it.

I'm going to be writing weekly at The Frisky about dating - mostly on the personal front, with some cultural observations. Please check out my first column, "Is He The One?" and if you like it, please rate it there. Here's the beginning:

Right now, I’m in the most serious relationship I’ve ever been in; as in, even though I live in New York and he lives in San Francisco, we’ve talked about where and when we could live together—and how soon. He’s met my uncle; I’ve gone to his family’s cabin, and I’m joining them for Thanksgiving. His mom sends me emails, and my grandmother sends me clippings urging him to stop smoking. We talk almost every night and end most calls with “I love you.”

There are days when I think we are meant to spend the rest of our lives together, and days when I really have no clue. We started dating when we were both in New York last fall. When he moved back to San Francisco (he was here for school), I didn’t expect anything to come of our little fling, but my feelings kept bringing me back to him. Although I’d sworn I wouldn’t get myself into another long distance relationship (I’ve been in more of those than same city ones), I couldn’t help myself.

A good book cover should, well, make you want to pick up the book. And, ideally, want to read the book, but first it needs to get your attention. Grab you amongst a sea of other books eagerly awaiting your eyes. This cover grabbed me when I saw it at the Shakespeare & Co. on the Upper East Side. I was intrigued by the bra, by the fact that I know nothing about Syrian lingerie, by the very concept. It's out from Chronicle Books and I'll be reviewing it here soon.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I promise this will be more than just a photo blog, but between busyness and lusting over my new iPhone, there's been photo action going on. For links and such, see the Tumblr.

This photo from the book Ed Fox: Glamour from the Ground Up (Taschen) I find totally hot. (via Bastard Life - which, incidentally, is in bet aan di spart of the OnSugar Network - you know, the people who bring us the awesome Yum Sugar and the like. Who knew? I didn't until I went to log in and it told me I was already a member.)

Here's what TONY wrote: (technically, I'm Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations and a Contributing Editor at Penthouse but I won't quibble, just want to clear that up - I'm forever grateful when my name is spelled right!)

THU 20 IN THE FLESHPenthouse editor and TONY contributor Rachel Kramer Bussel hosts the third-anniversary party for this risqué reading series. Authors Trey Ellis and David Henry Sterry, along with comedian Margot Leitman and pornographer Jincey Lumpkin, read and perform. Toast their boldness with $5 well drinks and a spread of sweets from Kumquat Cupcakery. Babeland provides the giveaway loot. FREE Happy Ending, 302 Broome St between Eldridge and Forsyth Sts (212-334-9676). 8–10pm.

Monday, November 17, 2008

I had fun at Friday's sex blogger calendar release party, even though I showed up late and was feeling a little weird about the whole thing. The calendar itself is gorgeous. Will I use it for anything other than a keepsake? I don't think so, but I hope you do. I just think it would be the height of narcissism for me to hang it on my cubicle wall. I'll be using a cupcake calendar, finally (last year I ordered one and it never arrived and then was sold out!). I did, however, have fun and saw lots of old friends and met readers of this blog.

If you're the comedian I met, I thought you said your blog was Cato's Crunches, but I obviously heard wrong, so write me and tell me what it is so I can follow you! I also managed to leave one of my crazy tall shoes there! Thankfully Tess, whose blog I sadly can't read anymore, saved it for me.

Here's me and Twanna. She also took a very closeup shot of my cleavage - not that I'm surprised! You should check out her latest blog post at Funky Brown Chick (like The Frisky, it's also blocked by the New York Public Library!) about her struggles with imitator Funky Black Chick. It's an important lesson for all bloggers and anyone interested in branding and self-promotion.

I stopped by the opening morning chaos of the newly opened Momofuku Milk Bar at 13th/2nd this morning. It's gotten hyped all over the place this week (here's Eater's take).

At just after 11 am, it was hopping, with people in line asking lots of questions, and when questioned about which is better, the volcano bun (roll?) or the pork and egg bun, the staffer waiting on me said, "I'm not sure; we just opened today." Everything looked good, including the brownie pie, famous "crack pie" and soft serve ice cream. I opted for the volcano roll, which has gruyere cheese, potato and pork baked into it. It's not filled the way I had expected, so when I first opened it I was like "where are these promised delights?" They were kindof hidden, but each bite had lots of cheesy goodness. Someone across from me had a pork and egg bun and it took looked super yummy. I'll definitely be back.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Yes, it's true: the beloved Susie Bright is reading at In The Flesh on January 15, 2009, in a night dedicated to her new hardcover anthology X: The Erotic Treasury, just out from Chronicle Books. Mark your calendars and make sure to get there early cause it's a small bar. Books will be for sale; all readers TBA soon!

And not only that, paid $9.15 for it! But what are food bloggers for? I was at the book party for Confetti Cakes for Kids by Elisa Strauss on Tuesday at Dylan's Candy Bar. I didn't know anyone, but chatted with the bartender, who was intrigued with my cupcake blog. I said hello to Elisa, who I'd interviewed twice but had never met, and munched on mini cupcakes and other delights (see full photo set here).

Then, well, I couldn't resist, and I bought this:

Yes, it was good, but you know, much as I love marshmallows, it was (surprise, surprise), a bit of overkill. Or maybe the marshmallows just weren't as popping fresh as they should have been; they weren't stale or anything, but I wound up peeling them off and going for the gooey caramel and the tang of the Granny Smith apple (an aside: I used to eat those as a kid, and now, by marriage, my granny's last name is Smith!).

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Will The Huffington Post Complete Guide to Blogging fare better than Gawker's ill-fated (and, imo, not so funny) Gawker Guide to Conquering All Media? Judging from its amazin rank of 1,114, it's very likely. As a reader and sometime contributor to The Huffington Post, though, I wonder if these authors are getting paid for their contributions? And I'm not really sure if the process of running a massive site like The Huffington Post is comparable to running a blog; not that the editors don't now about these topics, but the path is going to be much more challenging for any individual than for someone with the resources of a gigantic site.

I love blogging, but I wonder if people just starting to blog now, if inspired by the success of some bloggers, like ones with book deals, are looking to simply cash in? After all, The Huffington Post themselves didn't add any more in their plug than what's on Amazon. How helpful of a guide will this really be to the "experienced blogger looking to break through the clutter of the Internet?" I guess we'll find out.

The editors of The Huffington Post -- the most linked-to blog on the web -- offer an A-Z guide to all things blog, with information for everyone from the tech-challenged newbie looking to get a handle on this new way of communicating to the experienced blogger looking to break through the clutter of the Internet. With an introduction by Arianna Huffington, the site's cofounder and editor in chief, this book is everything you want to know about blogging, but didn't know who to ask.

As entertaining as it is informative, The Huffington Post Complete Guide to Blogging will show you what to do to get your blog started. You'll find tools to help you build your blog, strategies to create your community, tips on finding your voice, and entertaining anecdotes from HuffPost bloggers that will make you wonder what took you so long to blog in the first place.

Imagine my surprise when I opened it to see my reading seriesIn The Flesh, which celebrates its 3rd anniversary November 20th, immortalized on its pages! This is so amazing and one of the hottest stories I've ever read, and should give you a taste of what it's like BUT please note you cannot actually come and recreate this at the reading. But you just might find a hottie to go home with (be respectful though, it's a reading, not a pickup joint, but still). Plus free sex toys and condoms and $4 drink specials and amazing readers. Be there Thursday at Happy Ending Lounge, 302 Broome Street, NYC, from 8-10 pm (free, 21+). And as soon as I can figure out the hell-to-navigate Blogads, I'll have my very first Blogad up here for X.

I remember our evening last summer: KGB Bar, Lower East Side. I was wearing a white sundress. He was late, and I had to sit alone. Why had I agreed to a second date Was I bored? Did I like him more than I realized, after our first night out?

“So, Rachel Kramer Bussel is hosting this reading…I know erotica can be hit or miss, but it sounds like fun. Do you wanna go?”

I didn’t want to seem like a girl who’d never attended an erotic reading or didn’t know who Rachel Kramer Bussel was. I felt nervous and silly in my white J.Crew dress.

“Marcelle!” I saw him dash up to the bar. “Sorry; working late.” He kissed my cheek. As he ordered my martini, he flashed his sunny smile, and I relaxed a little.

“Just in time,” John said, as he handed me a sophisticated, funneled glass. The room silenced as Ms. Bussel took the podium, looking more like an Ivy League classmate of mine, I thought, than an erotic reading organizer.

John stood drinking whiskey like water as a petite woman recited her memoirs as a dominatrix on Wall Street. Before that night, I hadn’t truly known what a dominatrix did: pissing on well-dressed bankers and fucking their tightly wound asses with a thick, silicone strap-on as they writhed on the ground in humiliation. I took a gulp of my martini.

The second reader narrated his exploits with a candy-sweet, barely legal intern, who seduced him innocently with her short skirts at the office and screamed disturbingly hot filth while they fucked.

I sat, uncertain of my reaction. I wasn’t uncomfortable, but I was creamy wet between the legs. I didn’t know how to acknowledge my arousal in a public setting. By the third reading, I wanted to rub myself against the barstool, and John kept looking at me and smiling as if this were the most natural thing in the world.

We clapped politely for the story, and I moved my stool closer to him. I wanted our legs to touch, to rest my hand on his. I am not an initiator, but I could slowly let my lap fall open, legs spread invitingly, one bared knee brushing his leg...

And later:

Together, we stroked the smooth flesh. I felt it give beautifully back and forth, malleable and hard, under our collective grip. John had nice hands; I loved feeling him touch me while I caressed his cock. Then I let go, so I could watch him.

First, he moved it in front of my face, so I could taste longingly from underside to tip, and loll my tongue playfully around the head, lapping at its formidable split. I licked for a while, longing for more, until he groaned and pulled it away. Then, he took down my straps to shove it in between my breasts, the cleavage perfectly formed by the angle at which I leaned forward on the sink.

Lately it seems like all signs in my life are pointing toward cupcakes, at least, in terms of success. My other writing is going okay, I'm the main holdup, and I've sortof let a lot of things falter and taken bad, twisted paths and agreed to things I shouldn't have.

But cupcakes haven't let me down, at least, so far. Our partnership at Foodbuzz means we're seeing actual income from Cupcakes Take the Cake. Not enough to live on, but a nice check every month, and also some compensation for the many, many hours I put into it. I certainly can see that the more a blog succeeds, the more work it takes. It's all a learning experience, I hope, and I try to remind myself of that when the going gets tough. I've definitely learned things about myself and how I work and made mistakes I wouldn't repeat, and I hope I can use those lessons wisely going forward, because I have lots of blog plans.

I sometimes forget just how popular the blog is until, say, I go to buy an iPhone and am recognized as a cupcake blogger. I used to feel icky and weird and still do if someone recognizes me from sex writing, because no matter how well-intentioned they are, it's still awkward for me to know that they know about my sex life. Yes, I'm aware that I write about it, and all writers should want the maximum number of readers possible, but I am so grateful to have something else to do too, and, yes, something that often feels more valuable, more acceptable. Better, I guess, and then I feel guilty about that. I remember when I used to be Miss Erotica Defender and ready to leap in and verbally pound anyone who tried to disparage it. I still believe in erotica and sex writing but I think I've lost much of my zeal for it, or maybe my ability to do it. It comes and goes; sometimes I get so inspired and bang out a story and am so smitten with it I could go down on it. Imagine if you could perform oral sex on a story? That would be hot.

Anyway, in happy cupcake land, as opposed to the rest of my life, a lot of good stuff is happening. My panel "Nom Nom Nom: The Secrets of Successful Foodblogging" was accepted for SXSW 2009.

I'm quoted several times, as is the blog, in the "Let Them Eat Cupcakes" chapter of Stuffed: An Insider's Look at Who's (Really) Making America Fat. I was so thrilled to find that galley on election night at Housing Works, but it's also surreal, to see my name in a book when it's not my byline. I'm used to people linking to us, and get my own little thrill when they do, especially when they're so excited that we've posted one of their images. But being called a "cupcake maven" is a little different.

And on Monday I'll be speaking at the Food Marketing & Publicity 2008 Summit. As if I weren't nervous enough, I then saw the roster of speakers and that it costs $795 to get in. But, I also realized that in almost 4 years of cupcake blogging, I know a lot. I have things to say and am eager to hear what the other panelists have to share.

It's strange and fun yet also confusing to take something you love and turn it into a business. I don't have the conflicts around it that I do about sex writing, but at the same time, any time something goes from purely fun to more businesslike, it gets tricky. I don't know what the future holds but I have lots of plans and dreams, and I like being part of something that I can love unabashedly. The rest of the writing I do so often comes with assumptions and complications. I had my totally amazing assistant Inara send out my newsletter today, and while one of the first responses was someone just saying getting my newsletter made them smile, another was someone sending me some crazy incest story and spanking photos. DO. NOT. WANT. But how do you say that to someone and then potentially lose them as a reader? Do I even want someone like that as a reader? That's where my head starts to explode.

I struggle with wondering whether by dint of being a "sex writer," whatever the hell that means, we bring on those kinds of inappropriate emails. Sometimes I wish I could be more gung-ho about sex writing, could let all that roll off my back, but I can't. I so often want to erase all the things I've written and start over, but I can't, and ultimately, if I did, I'd probably be unhappy. So for now, I have my little fraction of a section of the food blogosphere, and I love it, love the people I've met through it, love the cupcakes that seem to follow me. I want to try to focus on that rather than the stress and aggravations that come with it. We are cooking up lots of great events and giveaways and projects. And, fingers crossed, a book deal, though, well, my fingers aren't really crossed on that, but it would make me prouder than any other book I've done to get a cupcake book deal, I can say that. And the thing is, I'm not crossing my fingers because I know it will happen. Probably not as fast as I'd like, but that's been a goal for two years, so there's time.

I get spanked in this video. By hottie Sinclair. Oh yeah, and there’s a big sex blogger calendar release party on Friday where I think I said if you buy a calendar, you can spank me. Really, I should be paying you but...I shall stand by what I said. One calendar, one smack. They let me into this calendar even though my sex blogging days are, if not over, mixed with cupcake blogging and my soon-to-launch wannabe-mommy blog.

Friday, November 14, 2008 from 6:30 pm - 9:30pm at White Rabbit. The White Rabbit is located at 145 E. Houston Street, between Forsyth and Eldridge, in NYC.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

I really thought I might pee from laughing so hard last night, especially during this:

Thank you so much to Gloria Karimian, Shari Goldhagen, Hitha Prabhakar, Sira Maliphol, Stacie Joy, Twanna Hines (who shot this video), Nichelle Stephens and Allison Bojarski. You all + Ethiopian food at Awash = awesome night. I have the best friends in the world...who understand things like forgetting your cell phone and camera on an important night. Oh, and cupcakes! Soooo many cupcakes, which I am still eating. I was so touched by all of it. And Gloria's butt cookies (not of Gloria's butt, but by Gloria). So far, being 33 is totally awesome. More good news TK. Photos below by Stacie Joy; see more in this Flickr set.

Monday, November 10, 2008

I didn't get back from New Jersey until too late for ramen last night, and took a personal day today to chill at home for my birthday (I just turned 33). Much I want to post but my friend Brownie of Blondie and Brownie made me cupcakes I'm off to pick up before eating Ethiopian food with some of my favorite people.

I will share this link, and much more later, like how Marcelle Manhattan made me believe in myself and my little reading series In The Flesh again by immortalizing it, and the sex she had at it, in her story "Second Date" in Susie Bright's new must-have anthology X: The Erotic Treasury.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

How can I resist a Ramen cookoff right in my neighborhood? I don't think I'll be competing but if I'm home in time I will be checking this out. Congratulations to The Brooklyn Kitchen on their 2-year anniversary!

All dishes arrive ready to serve. There will be no heat source, sterno or otherwise. All entries must be able to serve the 3 judges, and as always, bring more to increase your chances of popular vote All entries must include the brick: the instant ramen noodle block that comes in most 25 cent packages of Top Ramen (Made in USA!) or equivalent. There is no requirement for the seasoning packet, you can employ it or not This is not a soup competition: all dishes of varying viscosity will be allowed. Thinking dessert, my ramen-loving burnout friends? Bring it, i want to taste your stoner ramen pie. Party begins at 7, judging begins at 8. Popular vote will be determined using whatever crazy-ass method we come up with at 9ish. There will be prizes. UPDATE! please bring a copy of your recipe, so that we may feature it (credited, of course) on our blog!