4/56 Being philosophical about it

In my waking hours, I had some crazy thinking of course, now that all the possibilities are opened to me, and have to ponder all of them.

I thought again about what a couple of people told me 4 days ago, upon receiving the notice.

The first person was my dad. I had told my sister what had happened first of all, and she told my parents. When she contacted me back, she said: “Mum and dad are thrilled about it! You will finally buy!”

At that stage I was still in the whirlwind, not even sure of what was happening. My parents obviously saw the scene from afar, from an outsider position, and could easily get the positive.

After I saw the first house a couple of days ago, he said: “I hope it’s better than the one you live in now!”

I almost shouted at him through Skype, worst than in any of my adolescent fits. How could he say anything like that to me, who love this house more than any other places!
But I knew his point of view from before, so I was able to be cool anough.

The second person who told me something that made me think, was my neighbour.
We looked at our letters together, and he said: “I’ve started looking for another place already. I don’t give a shit about this place, it’s just an old house”.

So, I realised I was the only real desperate person around here. And that, at the end of the day, they were right.

This house is just a place, an old abode that was very good to me for a little while. A place that made me dream, and where a few of these dreams came true.

All of this won’t cheer me up, but at least I don’t feel desperate anymore. Just very very sad. And didn’t cry at all today!