Using a Focusing Partner

In "Agile Achievement", I briefly mentioned using a focusing partner to help
you achieve your goals. In this article I'll be expanding on that point, and
discussing what a focusing partner is and what they do.

A focusing partner is a person you deeply trust that will help you with your
goals. They could be your spouse, a relative or a close friend. It doesn't have
to be a one-way street, so you can both encourage each other as you work towards
your goals. Remember that you aren't always going to succeed, so make sure
you're comfortable with your focusing partner seeing you during your highs and
lows.

The most important thing is that you must feel comfortable sharing your goals
and plans, as holding back will only make things harder. Goal setting can be a
deeply personal and spiritual exercise, and it often reveals the things that you
hold to be truly important. Letting someone see this part of you can be
difficult, especially if your ego is chattering away in the background.

Let go of the fear that you'll become vulnerable by revealing yourself. Once
you've moved past this fear, you'll see that having a person to help you makes a
huge difference to your life.

What's involved with being a focusing partner?

This all depends on personal preference, but as a bare minimum you
should be in regular contact to discuss your progress. How often you
meet is entirely up to you, but you should aim for at least once a week.

A focusing partner's duties include:

Reviewing progress – You should discuss your progress with your focusing
partner, even if it's just a five minute phone call to ask how you're doing
on each of your main goals. It's a good idea to have a copy of each other's
major goals and plans to be reviewed, as well as any targets you may have
set yourselves.

Reviewing plans – You will need to plan for any reasonably sized goal, so
share your plans and review them regularly. It's often much easier for your
focusing partner to see if they are realistic, as we can often give
ourselves an unreasonable amount of work to do.

Talking through ideas – There will be bumps in the road, so it's always
good to have someone to talk to about these problems. You can creatively
work to solve each other's problems, and discuss your goals and plans for
the future.

Objectively analysing strengths and weaknesses – Sometimes things will go
right, and sometimes they will go wrong. Having an outside view on your
situation can help you get a clearer view on what is actually
happening. Beating yourself up over a failure will get you nowhere, and
having a person to remind you of just how much you have achieved is
invaluable.

Why use a focusing partner?

It can be very difficult to develop a personal sense of accountability when
setting goals. It's all too easy to let days, weeks, and even months pass by
without ever moving closer to your objectives. By telling someone about your
goals, you're becoming accountable to them as well as yourself. This added
incentive can be a huge boost to your powers of goal achievement.

Another large benefit of a focusing partner is that they can help push you
outside of your comfort zone. Becoming stuck in a rut can sap your creativity
and productivity, and having a close friend to motivate you through these
difficult times can be invaluable.

A good example of this benefit can be seen in an activity such as running. If
you're on your own, it's very easy to stop as soon as you're out of breath for
the first time. Having a runner alongside you can help push you through the
initial discomfort, and you'll find you become fitter much faster than if you
were running on your own.

Don't be caught in the trap of thinking you have to achieve everything by
yourself. Two people together can achieve much greater results than either one
of them could individually.