Would you rather live with Jack Bauer or Gilligan?

Published: Friday, July 4, 2014 at 6:30 a.m.

Last Modified: Thursday, July 3, 2014 at 8:03 p.m.

If I have learned one thing from watching "24," it is that I am being watched at all times. The heart-pounding action drama stars Kiefer Sutherland as Jack Bauer, a slippery agent-ish guy who saves the world in 24 hours by beating up everyone in it.

Jack: "Mr. President, we must get you to safety."

Mr. President: "Jack, my beloved son James will help."

James: "Jack, let's …"

Jack: POW! THWACK!

James: Plunk.

Jack: "Sorry, Mr. President. James turns into a terrorist in three episodes."

Then, Jack will call his assistant Chloe, who can find a live video feed of anyone doing anything at any time. Jack can just mention a villain's favorite color and Chloe will tap into a camera tracking that person: "Got 'em, Jack. He's drinking a Slurpee on his way to blow up the world. Sending coordinates now."

I often think about this in the car. Sure, it's TV and all, but I wonder if Chloes really exist and are watching me at stop lights. "Jack, he's picking sesame seeds out of his lap. Sending coordinates now. Be careful, Jack."

I note this because my colleague Rick Allen recently posed this critical question: If you could live in a TV show, what show would it be? My brain has been in overdrive ever since.

While my wife and I are "24" fans, I do not want to live in Jack's world. Chloe knows too much and Jack would just punch me. So what show would I choose?

My immediate thought would be "Gilligan's Island." Mary Ann and Ginger live next door, I like coconuts, and the Harlem Globetrotters drop by now and then for pickup games with robots.

When it comes down to it, the question is much larger than a pop culture time-waster. It is very personal, essentially asking you to shape your dream within someone's else creative environment. I posted the question on Facebook, of course, and the answers were more telling than funny. Many crave a simpler life — "Happy Days," "Ozzie and Harriet," "The Andy Griffith Show," "The Brady Bunch," "Little House on the Prairie" and "The Waltons."

I am still not sure. I love the notion of "Gilligan's Island," but after a few days I think I would go all Jack Bauer on everyone but Mary Ann.

Jack: "Chloe, send a chopper and tell the president not to expect the professor's call."

Truth be told, I likely would choose "Thirtysomething," the sharply written '80s drama about whiny yuppies. I loved Ellen's voice, I envied Gary's hair, and I would have fought a bear for Michael's vests.

I am not ashamed of this. At least "Thirtysomething" would keep me young, just as the name promises. After all, my high school friend Debbie — two years younger than me, mind you — answered the question this way: "At my age, ‘The Golden Girls.' LOL."

<p>If I have learned one thing from watching "24," it is that I am being watched at all times. The heart-pounding action drama stars Kiefer Sutherland as Jack Bauer, a slippery agent-ish guy who saves the world in 24 hours by beating up everyone in it.</p><p>Jack: "Mr. President, we must get you to safety."</p><p>Mr. President: "Jack, my beloved son James will help."</p><p>James: "Jack, let's …"</p><p>Jack: POW! THWACK!</p><p>James: Plunk.</p><p>Jack: "Sorry, Mr. President. James turns into a terrorist in three episodes."</p><p>Then, Jack will call his assistant Chloe, who can find a live video feed of anyone doing anything at any time. Jack can just mention a villain's favorite color and Chloe will tap into a camera tracking that person: "Got 'em, Jack. He's drinking a Slurpee on his way to blow up the world. Sending coordinates now."</p><p>I often think about this in the car. Sure, it's TV and all, but I wonder if Chloes really exist and are watching me at stop lights. "Jack, he's picking sesame seeds out of his lap. Sending coordinates now. Be careful, Jack."</p><p>I note this because my colleague Rick Allen recently posed this critical question: If you could live in a TV show, what show would it be? My brain has been in overdrive ever since.</p><p>While my wife and I are "24" fans, I do not want to live in Jack's world. Chloe knows too much and Jack would just punch me. So what show would I choose?</p><p>My immediate thought would be "Gilligan's Island." Mary Ann and Ginger live next door, I like coconuts, and the Harlem Globetrotters drop by now and then for pickup games with robots.</p><p>When it comes down to it, the question is much larger than a pop culture time-waster. It is very personal, essentially asking you to shape your dream within someone's else creative environment. I posted the question on Facebook, of course, and the answers were more telling than funny. Many crave a simpler life — "Happy Days," "Ozzie and Harriet," "The Andy Griffith Show," "The Brady Bunch," "Little House on the Prairie" and "The Waltons."</p><p>Others went the opposite direction, perhaps wanting more spark and snark amid boring days — "Seinfeld," "Married With Children," "Modern Family," "Lost," "Big Bang Theory" and, from an attorney friend in South Florida, "Looney Tunes."</p><p>I am still not sure. I love the notion of "Gilligan's Island," but after a few days I think I would go all Jack Bauer on everyone but Mary Ann.</p><p>Jack: "Chloe, send a chopper and tell the president not to expect the professor's call."</p><p>Truth be told, I likely would choose "Thirtysomething," the sharply written '80s drama about whiny yuppies. I loved Ellen's voice, I envied Gary's hair, and I would have fought a bear for Michael's vests.</p><p>I am not ashamed of this. At least "Thirtysomething" would keep me young, just as the name promises. After all, my high school friend Debbie — two years younger than me, mind you — answered the question this way: "At my age, 'The Golden Girls.' LOL."</p><p>Not LOL, Debbie. Not at all.</p><p>Chloe, set coordinates on Debbie.</p><p><i>Contact Dave Schlenker at go@starbanner.com or 867-4120.</i></p>