How To Move On And Get Over It

Photo credit @Mayhem._

Whether you’re feeling stuck in a rut in your life or unhappy, unfulfilled or out of control, there is no one who hasn’t felt this same way at time or another. Take solace in knowing that for many, many years before us we, as humans, have likely dealt with whatever it is that you’re enduring (and possibly worse) – perhaps you’ve even gone through this same thing in the past as well. Know that whatever your challenge is, you can and you will overcome it just as those before you have. If you believe in your ability and your strength – and I mean truly and fully believe in it – then there is nothing that you can’t overcome. What a cliche, right? But hey – what do you have to loose? You can’t control the most of the curve balls life throws at you anyway so instead: empower yourself to think positively and don’t be afraid to take action. And besides, this is your life and its up to you to (and only you) to take control make improvements or you’ll be left feeling “stuck” or “out of control” for the rest of your life and one day you’ll be one of those elderly people sitting in your rocking chair thinking about all of your life regrets when it’s too late to do anything about it. Don’t look at others think how “lucky” they must be rather, make your own luck.

Identify the problem

In some cases this is harder than it seems. For example, if you just feel unhappy or stuck, that isn’t specific enough to make a charge to work towards progress. Dig deep to find what it is that is causing you discomfort and preventing you from reaching your ultimate happiness. We all have the potential to reach the epitome of happiness within our lifetime and for some it’s easier than it is for others but what makes this possible is knowing yourself well enough to identify who you are on a deeper level – what makes you truly, deeply happy. A question I often ask people is, “What would you do if money wasn’t an object?”. Ask yourself this right now (I’ll wait…), I’m surprised by how many many people have never really thought about this. I’m not saying dump your job and pursue becoming a professional skateboarder tomorrow but find a way to strive towards or ultimate goal or add more aspects of this in your life – this person could, for example, find a nearby skate park and strive towards taking one evening after work for themselves and spend it skating. Maybe you can’t be a professional skate boarder but maybe you can pursue career in that field that gives you that same gratification where you can use your interest and knowledge to pass it along to others – or you can just enjoy spending more time doing it. A common thing I see is that so many of us get caught up in material possessions that hold us hostage to our lifestyle and truthfully (for most), material things don’t give us true happiness – a sense stability, sure – but if you dread your day-to-day life, what does it matter that you have a nice car, big house and designer clothes? Maybe cutting back to spend your disposable income on travel or something you enjoy more or even a job change that could come with a decrease in income are something to consider. If you’re happy and enjoy what you do, the money will come; the pay cut may not be a permanent factor. Last example – I found myself sitting around recently, feeling less than 100% and I thought “What is it that would make me feel happy?”, in my case, I’ve been feeling stifled as an artist and frustrated that I’ve not been doing more photo shoots and not taking the control in my career that I know I should be and felt much better since making changes to improve upon that.

Photo by Christian Beltrian

If you’re going through a break up…

Think back to other times that you’ve had similar feelings and some period of time later you’re able to look back without pain and instead maybe a more positive outlook that this relationship taught you something about yourself or others and opened the door of possibilities for someone who is better match for you – someone who treats you better, makes you happier and provides you with things that the last partner didn’t. One day you’ll be thanking the person who let you go because you’ve met someone you can’t imagine your life without – and if you don’t think this is possible – if you’ve had strong feels for another person previously and to yourself that no one else could compare and you found excitement and love again, this goes to show you that not only can it happen again but it will. I feel strongly about maintaining good emotional health and strive to find fulfillment within myself without depending on a relationship to provide it but opening yourself up to someone and developing feelings for another person naturally leaves you vulnerable and at risk for getting hurt. I’ve experienced some of this lately and have been striving to turn the emotions that have resulted into a positive. For this reason I do not believe in wallowing in self pity – it isn’t productive and no one ever feels better about themselves or their situation after letting themselves go and thinking negative thoughts. Instead, use your emotions to motivate, improve yourself and make a change for the better. Do things for yourself, take a trip, put more energy into your work or business, pamper yourself or go to the gym. Do them yourself with the added benefit of really showing him what he missed out out on should you cross paths again in life. I’ve found that often, some of my best work, best focus and most disciplined lifestyle comes after the end of a relationship/romance, there’s just something about that reminder of independence that lights a fire under my butt. I try to think to myself “Have I done everything I can do/want/should do to have this relationship?”, once you’ve come to terms with this, I’ve found that working out allows me to get out any pent up emotions and planning lots of fun outings with friends and family whose company you can enjoy and appreciate.

These are just two example of the many struggles we face throughout life, I hope they’ve helped but I welcome you to share anything you might feel “stuck” about in the comments below or on my Instagram.