Forum » Tag: Guests - Recent Postshttp://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=guests
The NewsBiscuit Communityen-USTue, 31 Mar 2015 21:03:58 +0000http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2qhttp://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php
hardev on "Torturer laments demise of industry..."http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=68840#post-201894
Sat, 09 Nov 2013 13:37:40 +0000hardev201894@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Abdul Mohammed Kadifery, known as the Smiling Butcher to his colleagues has decided to take the early retirement package from the Syrian Government after new Health and Safety regulations where bought in early this year…</p>
<p>Mr Kadifery has stated “that the job is no longer what it used to be” and added “In the old days, we could pretty much do what we wanted, but these new rules, Allah help me! We used to have the Japanese Cradle, the Iron Maiden, razor blades, cigarette burns, but now? Nothing! It all started when we were no longer able to play loud crap rock music to our prisoners and then they said no more blades and gave us safety razors, so we were only able "our guests" a close shave – even adding more blades didn’t help! In fact, they just got a smoother shave and all the attention of those brazen shameless foreign female journalists…”</p>
<p>Mr Kadifery said the last straw was when he received a memo this summer. He explained “Cigarette burns were the last bastion of my trade and now? I have to use those new-fangled electronic ones – and they’re not prisoners anymore…no – we have to call them “guests of the government” – this is just too much! So I said enough is enough and handed in my notice – I miss the old days where they would scream, cry, bleed and foam at the mouth, but you can't stand in the way of progress, I guess”</p>
<p>Mrs Kadifery has reportedly said “Yes, it’s good to have my Pommy home, but he’s not allowed in the kitchen and has to go out when we have guests…”
</p>