we recently saw an outdoor production of the music man. one of our favoritest movies ever.

spell check says favoritest is not a word. i say phooey to spell check.

i love this song from the movie. but i could do without the spanish subtitles you tube has so generously provided. however, they are not to blame for the goofy look on paul’s face which makes me ponder how the beatles became so incredibly famous….i guess some things are just meant to be.

it is so good to be home. traveling long distances with my husband and children and staying in hotels and eating too much restaurant food makes me really grumpy for some reason.

i truly believe the hum of the fridge. the whirrrrr of the air conditioning and the bright lights glaring into our room also had something to do with it. but i am still not sure. and the fact of the matter is there is NO place like home. even a hot and messy one!

the bad news is my grandmama faces a double mastectomy. the cancer is bad and is spreading into her chest. and she is still undecided whether or not to go thru with the surgery at her age.

courageous and so sad at the same time.

the good news is: i was able to write down the story of how she and my grandfather met.

and i have been wanting to do that for some time.

so it is done.

and so now, on this hot august nite. i will go take my place next to my tired husband. (he always does all of the driving). and think about the good things in life.

i remain forever the optimist, dear readers.

because the fact is: till there was you, i was more inclined to focus on the bad.

i need this place.

not all of the time.

but it helps me to clear my head. and semi-connect with other like-minded souls.

i haven’t officially announced a “break” per se. but my absence here once in a while is a good thing. it means i am doing what i am supposed to be doing. i am not overly concerned with stats or hits. oddly enough more people find me via their search for dumb blonde jokes. and although that is not really what i’d like to be remembered for i do have another good one if you’d like…

waiting for a summer storm. i hear thunder and smell rain and it is oh. so. lovely.

but i also smell smoke and hear sirens. not so lovely.

the good. the bad. the ugly. the lovely.

all of it willed by the Creator of this universe. not some dis-interested spectator as the unbelieving might think.

HIS WILL. THE WILL.

It is something i have been pondering a lot lately.

i am hoping the answer lies here:

in the prayers of the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

7 times a day. that is a lot for a busy mama like myself.

but it is possible.

and it is oh. so. lovely.

and the more i do it. the more i love it.

i haven’t got it all figured out yet.

but i am sure my heavenly mother will help me with the ins and outs.

see, it’s not all fun and chocolate cakes here.

i am seriously trying to navigate my way through some diffucult things. health related and otherwise. having teenagers will do things to your body you never knew were possible. making tough mama decisions is never easy. it wears me down sometimes.

so i have stepped out of the limelight. in real life. to do some really important stuff around here.

mainly getting my prayer life in order. that is at the top of the list.

one last good thing before i go. because life is really about seeing the good things with eyes wide open:

also from the garden. tiny. but proof that sweet things can come in small packages.

because i like to feel pretty when i am doing dishes. and let’s face it. i am almost always doing dishes.

i actually have two new aprons and another all cut out and ready to sew. but i am going out on a limb and adding a frilly ruffle to the bottom for some of that june cleaver flair. so it is taking me a little longer than the first two.

do you see the bird too? my family has a knack for “seeing” things in nature finds. remember this rock?

well, friends, july is here. it must be well into the 100’s today. and since we cannot pack up and move to somewhere really cold…i guess instead i will be spending the next few weeks tyring to beat the heat.

today’s tip: when going out into really hot weather, take your own cup of cold tea and/or water to sip on while you drive. it keeps the temptation to stop at those over priced coffee shops at bay.

now while i do not normally condone profanity and i don’t agree with everything written…i had more than one aha! moment while reading this book. ( i just taught my daughter to fold fitted sheets not two weeks ago. but that is totally beside the point.)

but if you have read this book or do so in the future. please share your laughter with me about that completely hilarious thing said about the author’s idol on the very first page. i won’t repeat it. but every time i think about it i laugh so hard my cheeks hurt.

and finally.

what do i want to remember on this almost last evening of june?

that there have been swallowtails flying madly around my neighborhood. we see them constantly. and it takes so much restraint not to just drop everything and run outside to chase them.

that the littles and i watched toy story 3 today and we liked it. a very sad coming of age theme made me think of the bigger boys.

that middle son is sort of just ho-hum right now. no great. big. plans or dreams. he worries me a bit. he is so sensitive and quiet. lost in being almost thirteen. what a confusing age that can be…

that the littlest boy has his first loose tooth. and it is affecting the way he talks. very animated anyway, you should see the way that thing is forced to wiggle and writhe with every word that comes out of his mouth.

that the biggest boy completed his jr. firefighter program. received a certificate and is now volunteering at the local fire station for 3 hours once a week.

that i am not feeling summer quite yet. and i guess it’s because we haven’t found our summer rhythm. but maybe we won’t and i need to accept it. and get over it.

that this week is bubbling over with things. busy things. and perhaps that is the reason for my somber mood.

that i am craving quiet. and the only way to achieve such a goal is to learn the gentle art of saying no.

which i have done twice this week for THE first time. and i was scared. but i set my foot down. albeit gently.

i used to be a blog-ger. or a word-press-er if you want to be technical.

but i just saw (on someone else’s blog) that i last posted. *gasp* six. days. ago.

i wish i could say i’ve been on an impromptu vacation. or sewing lots of pretty things.

but unfortunately i’ve only been tying up a bunch of loose ends. the kinds of loose ends that only a mother can tie.

summer is teasing us right now. we have really warm afternoons. but the evenings are still cool. cool enough that if we sleep with the fans on we wake up with sore and scratchy throats.

we have 3 new kittens.

school is officially over. yet somehow my brain is already racing towards next year. how much is math curriculum going to cost me? is it worth leaving the charter school? will this be THE year? filing that affidavit is such a pain. etc. etc.

i am being summoned to read stories again.

that is a deja vu. didn’t i just write that only days ago?

a series of steady repetitions.

that is the beat of my life right now.

sort of orderly. as orderly as it gets for me. struggling to manage the unmanageable. trying my hardest to “attract the gaze of God”.

doesn’t that have a nice ring to it? i read that in the magnificat the other day.

well, that will always be a part of my story anyway. the trying part.

once upon a time there was a mama who tried. and at night she was so. so. tired. because she didn’t drink coffee anymore.

oh, yes. wouldn’t it be wonderful to live in a world that was “always june”.” ~l.m. montgomery.

but then again if it was always june my birthday girl would be constantly growing older. and that i cannot have. a year older. each year. is sufficient for me.

a relapse of this nasty flu still has me out of sorts. i spent memorial day in bed most of the day. monday marked a full 14 days of being sick and i’m done. Lord, give me another cross, please. a light one.

i am almost finished with those pillows for the couch. the slipcover part is finished but i couldn’t seem to get a really good shot. there was that darn scratched coffee table. then it was stacks of books and a toy basket. a pesky boy model who kept wanting me to take his picture. and then those daisies from my grandmother’s garden-they wanted to be in on the whole thing too. so this is as good as it gets.

i feel myself slipping out of this virtual world more and more. the pull to serve two masters is awful and i often feel as if i am being torn in two. the happenings on this great big web. the ideas. the people. the thoughts and ideas are so alluring. yet so many things are happening here that need my immediate attention. the struggle to balance time online is ever so elusive to me. i go away. i come back. i go away again. yet i ache for the escape….it’s ok to want to escape now and again, isn’t it? even if it’s only upstairs. to a quiet screen with a blinking cursor. and pictures of happy people lives and beautifully laid out. finished projects.

the biggest boy has been accepted into a junior fire academy program. i have been steering him towards this career. albeit gently. because i so want stability for him. and for his future family.

God is good as this prayer. at least for now. has been answered.

as a homeschooling mama, career paths/decisions are heavy on the heart. you want them to succeed. not just for their sake. but sort of selfishly because you have educated them yourself. if he (they) succeed, you have succeeded. if they fail, you have failed.

yet deep down. in that humble spot. you know it is really ONLY by the grace of God that one succeeds in life. because sometimes even our biggest failures are allowed to happen for a greater good.

i.love.toile.i have red. black. green. and now blue toile. this particular piece will be turned into some pillow covers for my newly covered denim sofa sometime within the next few days.

sometime in between the many impromptu “reading lessons” that the baby wants to do. long after school is officially “over”. you know how stingy new readers can be. he likes the fact that there are “levels” to reading. i try to block it out of my mind that he probably equates this to xbox and can’t wait till his level is “up”. but if that is his motivation, then hey, who am i to complain?

his newest word: crud buckets. used when things aren’t going so great. but when you are the baby there aren’t many chances to use it. but he does so anyway.

top picture: oatmeal pancakes with powdered goatmilk. honey and butter on top. yes, my kids will eat the darndest things. but they are so yummy. heart healthy and gluten free too!

that green silky mess of yarn is my feeble attempt at a first shawl. we shall see….is all i am going to say. i was going to say i christen it my “third time’s a charm” shawl because that is the number of times that i started it. stopped it. ripped it out. and started over again. how many more times i actually repeat that same process remains to be seen.

on posies aka:tiny bouquets: we have them in every nook and cranny of this house. the kids are going crazy with the wildflowers and i love looking at them. the baby even adds foxtails and i have to admit, they are interesting to say the least. new header picture c/o of a sweet little bunch of flowers my dad brought me the other day…he is THE greatest. even though we don’t agree on who should’ve won american idol.

needless to say. my days are a whirlwind of busy. there is a part of me that is eager to wrap up this school year and welcome summer. then there is another part of me that says wait! i am just getting it! we’ve found a rhythm that i like. but that is just the way it goes, isn’t it?

so i am letting go. and letting God. and signing off. because i hear the little mother reading in my stead. and that is a heartbreaking sound to this mama’s ears….

i thought i’d greet you that way since i have been such a bad blogger lately.

there is just so much to do when things and people are disordered. disheveled. and discombobulated.

those three words might very well mean the same thing.

but i must say disheveled is my favorite as of now.

disheveled as in that one applies to me.

my husband came home early from work today to find me in bed knitting a pretty moss colored green shawl. my words not his.

mind you i am not sick any more. i just don’t. want. to. face. it.

the housework.

i know i promised i’d be better about this….the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

i won’t even go into detail as to what my breakfast was…and for the record it was NOT mint ice cream out of the carton!

anyhow, i did wholeheartedly ask for the grace to AMEND MY LIFE tonite as i said my examen. it’s the best i can do. keep asking.

as a side note i don’t even want to talk about LOST. there are no words. i feel empty and betrayed. and besides i am too disheveled to care about a dumb t.v. show that i wasted invested years of my life on.

now where are the happy returns you say? probably in the freezer with my carton of icecream!