Don Gasparino Argues In Favor Of AIG Bonuses The Only Way He Knows How

Just as taxpayers financed the lifestyle of Sammy "The Bull" Gravano when he helped put away crime boss John Gotti, we now need to finance the gangsters on Wall Street. Why? Because they're the only guys who know where the bodies are buried. No one in government likes to admit to it, but bad guys do business on the taxpayers' dime all the time. One source of mine is a federal informant who's helped put away his fair share of murderers and criminals. And guess what? He lives pretty well in some undisclosed location (I don't know where, but I get the impression the weather is good wherever he is because he plays so much golf), he's safe and protected along with his family, he has a business, and he does all of this courtesy of you and me. I have to admit, I've grown pretty fond of this guy: He's likeable, has a good sense of humor, and seems pretty smart. But the fact is most people would consider him a scumbag, someone you wouldn't trust to take out your trash because he's the type of guy who would search through it, find a piece of personal information, and commit identity theft. Oh yeah, I left one thing out: I'm pretty sure he's killed people. Yet as bad as he is, he's put away many more killers, helped take down a criminal enterprise, and saved society a lot of hardship and money. In the end, I would argue, cutting a deal with this devil is worth it.

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[...] So maybe it's time to make peace with the Mob--the Wall Street Mob, and let them have their bonuses, and let them take jobs in the Treasury Department to help get us out of this mess. And since we're talking about the Mob here, consider the advice of Don Corleone himself on how to survive during treacherous times: Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.

Back in October, the most wonderful aspect of the JPMorgan Whale Tale emerged in the pages of Vanity Fair: the day Vice-Chairman Jimmy Lee barricaded himself in his office determined to come up with a way to help Jamie Dimon, and after hours of thinking real hard, summoned his six secretaries and told them they had a job to do, which was getting Tom Brady on the horn so he could deliver a pep talk sure to cheer up the boss. Was the call kind of awkward, considering the two had never spoken and Brady's lack of useful investment ideas likely meant his big speech involved not much more than "Even Super Bowl champion quarterbacks have bad days" and "Keep your chin up out there?" Probably. And yet some sort of bond was clearly forged, which would explain why Dimon felt compelled to throw Brady this bone: