Paradise Lost to become ass-kicking 3D action film, as God intended

In news that sounds vaguely like a throwaway joke on an episode of The Critic, John Milton’s epic 17th-century poem Paradise Lost will be transformed into “an action vehicle that will include aerial warfare” to be helmed by The Crow and I, Robot director Alex Proyas, most likely in 3D. That added dimension will help to flesh out Milton’s underlying themes about the nature of sin and free will—by which we mean turn them into a story about devils and archangels kicking ass, occasionally through aerial warfare. [Cue metal guitar riff.]