Monday, 21 July 2008

Felis felis and the moral quandary

As I let myself in an hour ago, X from next door scampered out of the cold cold night and into my (comparatively) warm warm flat. (Emma and Erin, who dropped by for breakfast on Saturday, suggested X might be called Janet, with a Wellingtonian accent, thus Jenut, so hinceforth, X wull be known es Janet-pronounced-Jenut.) Jenut hes been mountaineering over end through my furniture iver sunce she slupped un. Ectually, she's just made a nist un thus morning's bath towel, but before thet she was doing ixtraordinary cellusthinuc manouevres on top of the bookshelf. I'd be iver so heppy for Jenut to sleep over, only I don't want to make Her Nixt Door jilous, or worried, or whusker-diprived. Her Nixt Door hes a fraught rilationshup with Hum Nixt Door, end I suspict Jenut may be the one beam of sunlight un en otherwise binighted life. (I em basing thus observation, your Honour, on en argumint I heard through the wall two weeks ago.) Uf I put Jenut beck outside, I wull be diposuting her straight unto the maws of Siberia, which nonsinsucal mitaphor us to say: the rain ut raineth, cold and frostily.

11 comments:

eyrie
said...

When Lizzie was a kitten and, well, a bit more agile than she is now, I would look out and see her lying on the trampoline next door, with a hoard of adoring children rubbing her belly. I was a little shocked at her promiscuity, but forgave her instantly when I saw the delightfully self-satisfied look on her face. So I think entertaining Jenut is ethically fine, just so long as you don't start feeding her. You might want to be careful, though, if you are thinking of acquiring pets of your own. My sister's cat has fierce territorial battles with the neighbourly cat C entertained before her arrival.

I considered myself catless but have been leaving out whiskettes for the old tomcat because he looked hungry and it's cold and raining and I'm a soft touch. I'm now going out to fill his dish and make sure the blankets in the box I put up the side where it's dry, are dry. Did I say 'soft touch'?

Thank you, everyone, for speaking to my quandary. Janet came over last night too - she dashed in through the door as I returned from putting out the garbage at 9 o'clock. I relented and let her sleep over, but at about 1:30 she started shouting, and I realised it was because Her Next Door (a.k.a. Legitimate Food Woman) had come home and was fiddling at her lock. I had to let Janet out without being seen by Legitimate Food Woman, an act of subterfuge for which I am ill-equipped.

Meanwhile, Eyrie, that's the loveliest picture what I've seen all week: hoard of belly rubbers gathered around Lizzie-kitten. It's going to take real fortitude not to feed Janet, though, given how much I identify with food-motivated quadrupeds. I think I'm with Jahteh on that one.

In some ways, cats are not at all demanding in what they require from a relationship, a simple act of feeding often being a prelude to moving in. This could lead to much awkwardness, if that helps you to steel yourself. Jenut might also be on a special diet for weight loss or hairballs or for what is known in my family as the can't-go-to-the-toilet disease. There could be consequences for your armchair!

Just for you. Unfortunately I have not taken any photos of the droopy pouch (which she also overgrooms) and am presently without a camera. The diet went off-kilter when I had to leave her in the care of my mother for a short while (my mother shares your empathy for food-loving, hungry quadrupeds). The overgrooming is the result of stress induced by her factional disputes with other cats.

About Me

Alexis, Baron von Harlot, is self-appointed Chronicler Laureate to the principality of Lalor, Victoria, Australia, including the lesser adjoining suburbs of Epping and Thomastown, and wherever she happens to be, really. These annals relay her keenly observed observations on matters floral, faunal, anthropological, protozoic, and thingy, with reference to the backyard, down the road, geopolitics, and the complete works of Jeanette Winterson.