3.5 months into it and I still look at my baby in disbelief… He is just so perfect and beautiful and Im so honored to be his mom. Sometimes I feel so undeserving of him, he’s just so precious.

I finally quit my job a couple weeks ago so Im official a SAHM and I love it. Im considering watching a couple babies during the week so I can have some extra income and I also get a better idea on what its like to make multiple kids. Crazy, I know! But times a wastin’! LOL

Benji is currently 3.5 months old and he’s doing great! He can hold his head up pretty well and Im teaching him to roll over. Everyone thinks he looks like an older baby for some reason… maybe its the wrinkles LOL just kidding, he’s got none, he’s perfect, remember?

We spend most of our time at home, which btw is still under construction. Life is gonna stay hectic for a long time. Andy has been working so hard and Im so proud and thankful. I try to not burden him with any house work. I pack his lunches in the morning, I take care if the baby 100%, I cook and clean. Its the least I can do.

Ive been taking Benjji to the beach and he loooooves it!! Im so stoked! Here’s what he looks like right now!

If you have a newborn at home you need to read this. I found this text in Portuguese and translated it to English so I could share it with you guys. It made me really emotional to think about this experience from the baby’s perspective. Every night when he cries and wakes up I feel fortunate that I’m the one that gets to be with him.

Dear Mom,

Tonight I woke up in a weird silence. There was no noise and I thought the world had ended and you had forgotten me. I started screaming and you appeared. Thank God. I was so happy in the heat of your chest that I ended up falling asleep before eating all I needed. When I realized you were going to put me down in my crib, I cried again. But don’t deny it, you were in a hurry to go back to sleep.

You nursed me again, a little in a hurry, and then decided to change my diaper. It was quiet, silent, the two of us so close together, so nice that I got a second wind. You were very understanding, but started to yawn a little and decided to make me go to sleep. I didn’t want to, I wasn’t ready to go to sleep. Maybe I just need another ten minutes or half an hour, but you were so determined to go back to bed. You were getting pretty nervous and even called Dad. I did not want Dad and we were all getting very angry.

In the end, I woke up the whole house five times. In the morning, our family looked like we partied all night. I think I blew it. You went on to say to Daddy that I have a sleep problem. I don’t! You’re the one coming to nurse me in a hurry and then I feel that you don’t want to be with me anymore.

Adults schedule a time for everything, but I don’t yet understand these things and these tasks you need to do. When my body is with you, I want to be with you forever and never separate. From my three months of age, I haven’t yet understood that we are two separate people, two separate bodies. One day I’ll go out, I’ll call and I ‘ll drive you crazy for not knowing what I’m doing… and then you’ll understand how I feel now. But we don’t need this war, Mom. Until then, we can work on understanding each other.

I feel the anguish of separation, because I just went through this new experience of being born. You did too, but you’re living through this as a conscious adult. I’m still living in the unconscious. Everything is still so new for me out here. But I’m absolutely sure that I will learn every little thing you teach me through your feelings for me.

Mom, can I give you some baby advice? When I cry at night, don’t just rush to my room desperately, as if the world was ending. Just wait a minute or two, take a deep breath, listen to my cry until it reaches your heart. Feel it, really wake up and then come get me. Hold me slowly, do not turn on the lights, speak softly, give me your breast and nurse me. After I burp, just a little more patience because we babies, we are sensitive to the feelings of adults. If I feel that you are in a hurry, I can throw the biggest fit, but if you wait until my second sigh, when my eyes are shut tight, my hands and legs all soft, well, then yes you can put me in the cradle and I wont wake up before I feel hungry again. As you develop your patience, Mom, I’ll be developing my tranquility and we will wont have any more unpleasant nights. Just mom and baby nights, that one day, like everything in life, will pass.

I’ve been MIA but its because life has been too crazy. We finally closed on the house a littee over a month ago but still havent been able to move in. Andy has been working 7 days a week to get the house move in ready but a project that was supposed to take 3 weeks its now going on week 5 and it looks like we have another 2 to go. He just keeps running into problems. In the meantime I went in for my 40 week appointment and never left the hospital. Turns out my amniotic fluid levels were dangerously low. At 40 weeks they expect it to be between 8-20 and mine was at 4. Which explains why baby would only stay on one side. So I checked in the birthing center at Castle Medical in Kailua and called Andy so he could bring our bags and come stay with me. Anyways, here is my story:

As much as I’d like to complain about being pregnant and the small uncomfortable situations that pregnancy brings, I remind myself of what it took for us to get here and all of a sudden, all the pain becomes bliss (I hope this “technique” works during labor too)…

…with the exception of acne. That will never be bliss. I fucking hate my face being covered in pimples. Whatever happened to the promised (and expected) pregnancy glow? I got to deal with pregnancy pimples all over my body instead. Read the rest of this entry →

Life is complicated but life is good. With the whole housing issue and my parents situation (with housing and the food truck and all the stresses that it brings to my life and my marriage), early pregnancy was stressful, but I somehow, was able to find peace and changed something that was fundamental for me and maybe the biggest lesson of my life, up until now at least. I no longer make plans. Read the rest of this entry →

Being pregnant has been amazing so far and now that Im 2 months away from giving birth, as my belly gets bigger, reality is setting in and I keep thinking how the hell am I getting this baby out of me? The comforting part is that I know everybody else does it, so I must be able to do it to, but it does feel kind of impossible. Read the rest of this entry →

Life is good!! There are no words to describe how cool it is to feel baby moving… It’s kinda weird at first and it felt just like I thought it would, but it puts a smile on my face every time! It’s a really cool experience and I can finally say I feel pregnant now!! Feeling the baby moving gives me a chance to almost interact with him… as if he’s saying “hey, I’m here” and I’m poking him back so he knows I’m “listening”. Read the rest of this entry →

Doctor visit yesterday wasn’t so smooth. Nothing bad happened except that after a 3 hour wait to be seen by the doctor, I got scolded for gaining too much weight. Oops!

I called BS on the doctor’s scale but it didn’t convince him. Just 5 days ago, on Sunday, I had gained 12Lbs (according to my scale) and as of last night I was at 18lbs (as of his scale)! So just to be sure I weighted myself again on my scale and I was at 16lbs but still, how did I manage to gain 4lbs in 5 days? I don’t see that being possible even if I was trying! Either way, I now have to watch what I eat, but this is only valid for after the holidays right?

My acne issue was also a topic… it’s SO B-A-D! I’m breaking out really bad on my back, chest, scalp, and obviously face. My back looks like it was attacked by an alien. Not to mention the constant itching and painful areas. My face is oily, red and full of bumps all of the time. Considering I sit in an AC office all day and wash my face every morning and every night, you’d think I would be ok… NOT! It’s to the point where I wake up at night to itch. Let’s not even discuss the way I look.. although its bothering me a lot. I’ve always dreamed of being one of those beautiful pregnant women and I feel gross instead!

So Im gonna start doing a couple topical treatments as well a blue light therapy to take care of this acne in January. I hope I can have clear skin by the end of February or March at least.

We also discussed maternity leave and he said I could get started as early as 6 weeks before my due date but it’s all going to depend on my house situation. If we are able to close on this property soon and get the remodeling going and finished by April, then I could start maternity leave, but if it’s still ongoing that means that husband is still not working (cuz he’ll be working on the house) and I must fill in the income gap. We’ll see. At the very least I’ve set myself up so that during the last 2 months I work, I get to have every Friday off.. so that’s a relief. I’m so looking forward to leaving my job and being a mom.

How far along: 18 weeks 5 days

Total weight gain: Depends on your point of view… according to my scale Ive gained 14 lbs, according to the doctor’s scale Ive gained 18 lbs, either way Ive gained too much!

Maternity clothes: Yep.

Stretch marks: Nope!

Sleep: just the normal amount.. jo more napping throughout the day… thank God!

Best moment this week: Ultrasound last night. Since I don’t feel movement I get nervous that something is wrong.. the only thing that will calm me down is when I see baby moving on the screen.

Miss anything: having good skin

Movement: A few times I thought I felt something but everyone says its too soon for a first time mama to feel anything… I do pay close attention to movement and try to concentrate in trying to feel it but since my placenta is in the front it is harder to feel it I guess… ever since before Thanksgiving I havent felt anything… 😦

Anything making you sick: acne! Not sick in that sense of the word, but in the “gross” sense

Have you started to show: oh yes! Definitely… I started showing way early.

Gender: Its a boy!!!

Innie or outtie: definitely innie. My innie is the size of a pool too! I’ll be very surprised if I ever get an outtie. If it rains, you can go swimming inside my bellybutton and drown.

We had our gender reveal! We were supposed to travel on Thanksgiving but the tickets to Kona were so expensive that we decided to stay on Oahu last minute. The plan was to do a dinner thing for our parents and have my sister bake the cake so we could find out together but since we were spending Thanksgiving with everyone after all, we (I) decided to do the cake thing at dinner with everyone. Read the rest of this entry →

Yo!

I have recently developed Obsessive Compulsive Blogging Disorder in order to mask the fact that my ability to procreate might be fully dependent on my bank account balance. Some think I'm bossy others think I'm soft, but the truth is I'm a sugglebunny she-ra wine drinking slave working alpha bitch that just wants to have some goddamn babies.
www.LOVEcomaMOM.wordpress.com
is something I've always wanted to do since I was a kid and decided to write down all the things my mom did wrong but blogs didn't exist. So I take notes of things I want to teach my imaginary kids, good and bad. You'll find that I fluctuate between loving and crazy wannabe mom. I hope my kids will read this someday.
www.LOVEcomaDANI.wordpress.com
This one is for my bitches and I write about whatever I want, whatever thought is on my mind that day. Beware, I freely curse ad I'm a firm believer that swear words are here to emphasize my thoughts.