Another adult teaching your child about sex

I took my teenage daughter to a doctors appointment today. This isn't her primary doctor. It's a specialist for a chronic illness. The doctor mentioned that the next time we come in (in 3 months) she's going to have me leave the room so she can have a "teen visit". This will involve questions about her sexual health and contraception. Everything that goes on in the visit will be kept from the parent.

As a parent, how would you feel about this? Should the parent have the right to opt out? Should the child get a say? (I will not share my opinion in the OP. I just figured this would be an interesting debate with lots of different perspectives.)

Comments (146)

If it's not her GP or OB/GYN my gut reaction would be hell to the no. Especially if it's a male doctor. I've read waaaayyy to many stories about peds and the like who turned out to be child molestors. Like PPs have said, if the chronic illness is relatable to reproduction then not creepy. I agree she should be having these talks...with the appropriate doctors AND you. But if I took my kid to an Ears, Nose, and Throat doctor and they wanted me to leave the room to talk to my kid about sex I would really be flabbergasted, and I'd probably insist on a nurse being there. Granted, my mom definitely left the room when I talked to my ob/gyn about stuff like that but it was because I requested it.

Oh, I absolutely agree. But shouldn't that be something that is discussed by all parties involved? At 14 years of age I was really immature. I didn't start my period until 16. I was a little kid. I think having a stranger ask me such questions would have been really traumatic. I wasn't remotely thinking about sex at that age.

^^^ I can understand that, but at the same time I think doctors who are trained to deal with young women and men will probably ask the questions rather gently...They aren't always extremely blunt. Though I apperciated the bluntness myself... But I had a different personality then yours at 14.

Yeah, sorry, but IMO sexual/medical autonomy is about your child's safety and health, which far trumps your rights as a parent to......what? Decide who they talk to? Try to force them to only learn what you want them to know about sex? I don't get what "right" of the parent is breached by providing a safe place for kids who for whatever reason don't want to discuss sex with their parents.

IMO it's the same as doctors asking a kid who comes into the ER with a suspect injury what happened without the parents present. It's to protect the ones that can't speak freely in front of their parent for fear of repercussions. I'll gladly give up my "right" to butt into my near-adult child's sex life to protect those kids who might be in very real danger from pissed off parents or freaked out parents refusing to allow them access to information/medical care.

Of course I"m also a very firm believer in a low age of medical majority for sexual and reproductive care *shrug* I care more about what is best for the community as a whole than what I want for me when it comes to this.

--

Anita

Dsd- 12/11/95, Dd- 4/11/01 and Ydd- 10/30/11

Bits and Bling.......come see me on Etsy! After Christmas sales will start on 12/26, stay tuned!

I'm sure that it is done this way, the parent not being asked, because it makes it less awkward for the ride home if the doctor said "now we are going to discuss such and such topic, would you like your parent to leave the room?" and the kid says "yes"

then come the questions later "why did you want me to leave? Is there something you need to tell me? Are you okay?"

I recently sat in on a medical school class and the professor said that docs should start requesting the parents leave the room for part of the appointment around age 12. Not just for sex talk, but drugs, mental health, abuse, anything that the kid might not want to tell their parents. And that the doc could ask the kid if they wanted help telling their parents of there was an issue, but the doc couldn't say anything otherwise.

I like this in theory, but doctors are not psychologists. Doctors often don't know when they're being manipulated by children. They don't know a child's behavioral history. There's so much they don't know or understand. And in my experience, doctors often don't understand what my kids are really saying to them. I have to correct the doctors often in their misunderstanding for a variety of reasons.

If it's not her GP or OB/GYN my gut reaction would be hell to the no. Especially if it's a male doctor. I've read waaaayyy to many stories about peds and the like who turned out to be child molestors. Like PPs have said, if the chronic illness is relatable to reproduction then not creepy. I agree she should be having these talks...with the appropriate doctors AND you. But if I took my kid to an Ears, Nose, and Throat doctor and they wanted me to leave the room to talk to my kid about sex I would really be flabbergasted, and I'd probably insist on a nurse being there. Granted, my mom definitely left the room when I talked to my ob/gyn about stuff like that but it was because I requested it.

^^^ My doctor always brings a nurse in if he as to do any sort of procedures (Pap smear or anything) For I believe probably those reasons. So I could see requesting a nurse with the doctor.

I can understand that, but at the same time I think doctors who are trained to deal with young women and men will probably ask the questions rather gently.

Doctors aren't really trained to deal with young women and men. They are trained to treat and diagnose them. This is why I'm not really crazy about a doctor doing this. A social worker trained in this area? Then I'm all for it.

It only works if it's a blanket rule because the parents who need to step out and aren't open at home are the ones that will refuse to let their child talk to the doctor alone.

That rule is for those parents and those kids that aren't getting the openness that they need.

My mom thought she was open. Why? Because she said, "You can talk to me about sex anytime." Saying it and meaning it aren't the same thing. When I was ready for birth control, I came to her. She said I only needed birth control if I was planning on having sex and I wasn't allowed to have sex. If I told her that I felt my relationship was going to reach a sexual level, she never would have let me leave and she only would have isolated me and hid me from sex. I felt I couldn't tell her.

I got no birth control. Not that it would have made a difference for me in hindsight, but that's not the point.

I think it is a good idea. If the parent refuses, then the doc should just let them know that they need to find a new physician. Simply put, many teenagers are not going to be totally honest with their parents in the room about their sex life. Also there is that small percentage that might be in a bad situation that could really use the confidential ear to voice questions or concerns.

Doctors aren't really trained to deal with young women and men. They are trained to treat and diagnose them. This is why I'm not really crazy about a doctor doing this. A social worker trained in this area? Then I'm all for it.

I could be totally off here but I am pretty sure they receive a seminar on this and how to communicate to different patients.