Well, well, look who appeared from beneath the pile of pilsner-stained Big and Tall pinstriped blazers whence he came: it’s Kris Humphries, a man dumb enough to marry my mother without appearing to realize what he was getting himself into. Spoiler alert, Kris-with-a-K: it’s a fucking hour-long E! series that features such plots as “make Kim’s current love interest look like the villain,” “isn’t whatever Kim’s current love interest just did fucking awful?”, and “Kim’s current love interest is a necessary means by which everyone else is made to look sympathetic/sane.”

At some event or other in New York, Humphries told a reporter: “I’m happy. I’ve got a big smile on my face . . . You can’t force a love life. I’m just focused on training and basketball.” Go and focus up, young man! Focus on the athletic pursuit that has netted you approximately no renown, fame, or fans. Yeah, I said “netted” and I meant to say “netted.” It was a slam fucking dunk.