Raise your hand if you thought that Daryl Dixon was going to die on last night's episode of The Walking Dead. Good. Now, take that same hand and smack yourself with it — because that was a really dumb prediction. The gang behind TWD doesn't know how to hold on to their showrunners, but they know to not kill the most popular character on their show. Also, biceps. Moving on.
Last night's episode, "The Suicide King," was all about trust, and family, and the various things that can tear a family apart, and really just how you shouldn't trust anybody at all, ever, because they'll beat you with a shovel or not kill the guy who sexually assaulted your girlfriend. Everybody but zombie-bait Beth and Hershel the Wise is now angry at and/or not trusting someone, and Rick Grimes, God bless him, has finally gone completely bananas — and without Daryl "Unlikely Voice of Reason" Dixon by his side, things are looking grim for the Gang of Grimes. (But wait, can't we say that every week?)
Before we get started on the Dixon showdown and the various new factions that exist within the show, I want to talk about how much I love Chad Coleman AKA Tyreese AKA Cutty from The Wire on this show, already. This may be because he's essentially playing a zombie apocalypse version of Cutty from The Wire, or because Carol said "Daryl has his code — this world needs men like that" and that had me thinking about Omar from The Wire with his code and his shotgun, and how Daryl's kind of like that with his cross-bow, only Daryl's not gay (I think) and he doesn't murder drug dealers. Okay, so maybe Daryl's not that much like Omar from The Wire, but he is one of the few characters on the show with an open heart and a firm moral code, so yeah. I guess the point is that I want to watch The Wire. Also, I'm tired.
The only thing that can get in the way of Daryl's good ol' moral code is his brother Merle, so it's unfortunate that both brothers walked away from the death match over in Woodbury. We never got to find out if either brother was capable of killing the other, though it didn't seem like it. Maybe Daryl would have fought harder if Merle had kept kicking him, but when Merle looked at him and said "just follow my lead, little brother," Daryl was relieved to do so. They fought with the zombies the Governor had added to the spectacle, giving in to the audience's thirst for blood for jusssstttt enough time for them to get rescued.
Then things got sort of weird. Back at the highway, everyone bickered over who should stay, and who should go. Everyone basically agreed that Michonne — who finally admitted via scowl that she knew Andrea — was untrustworthy and needed to go, eventually. Fine enough. But why would Merle — who was A, absolutely delighted to be there and B, the only person around who knew everything about their evil genius mortal enemy the Governor, be set free? Like, couldn't Rick have brought him back to the prison to torture him for information? Rick Grimes: good with a pistol, absolutely terrible at decision making. But more on that later. Let's talk about Daryl.
NEXT: Rick is totally losing it, and Daryl is Rihanna.
Uggggh Daryl — but we've worked so hard! Carol's face said it all, later in the episode, when she learned that Daryl had chosen to go off with Merle. Carol had also been abused and belittled and made to feel like she was nothing, and though she wanted to think that she'd walk away from her husband if he magically came a'knockin, she knew that facing an abuser wasn't easy. Daryl had been tested, and he did not walk away from his abuser. See, even studly guys with crossbows and biceps — just like multi-millionaire popstars with scandalous Instagram accounts — have their weaknesses. The strong, capable, baby-holding leader is (temporarily, I hope) gone, replaced with the wounded little brother of yesteryear. Maybe it was the simple fact that Merle didn't kill him that put Daryl firmly back in his big brother's corner, but, like, again — we weren't given enough time to find out if Merle would have killed him if they weren't given such an easy way out. I'm so so grateful that Daryl is alive and all, but I wish we'd had a few more minutes to see what might have happened before Maggie and Rick came in with their sniper rifles. Dramatic sigh.
But, I guess, screw me and my love of instant gratification. Because now that the Dixon bros — #TheWalkingDixons — are alone in the woods, yet again, their issues are going to rise to the surface like Neve Campbell and Denise Richards on the poster for the film Wild Things. One brother will inevitably kill the other, and by this I mean that Daryl is totally going to kill Merle because I can't imagine a reality without Daryl in it. I refuse. The death ring in Woodbury may have been a short-lived, cliffhanger-friendly ruse, but the metaphorical death ring is just beginning. I mean, it won't be long before they inevitably meet up with the Grimes Gang and Woodbury again anways, because — just like how in the Tom Hooper film Les Misérables the entire city of Paris is like five blocks and everybody knows each other — in The Walking Dead the entire American South is the size of my hometown of Collingswood, NJ (two square miles, I think) and everyone just bumps into each other during hunts and formula runs.
Now, let's talk about Rick. Here is your current list of people whom Rick is refusing to trust — Cutty from The Wire. (Okay, fine, Tyreese.) Merle Dixon. Michonne. The Governor, but that one's a given. I mean, he's pretty justified on all of the ones except for the first, but it's become clear that the death of Lori and all of the human-on-human violence he's had to enact over the last few seasons has finally taken a toll on the man. Michael Raymond James in the bar last year. Tomas in the prison. Everyone, at Woodbury. Rick, our steadfast hero, is being driven mad not only by his wife's death, but by the crushing weight of having to make all of the decisions on who lives, and who dies. Yes, if he lets Tyreese and co. go free he's not technically murdering them, but he's sealing their death warrant. But if they stay, of course, they could hurt one of his people. It's happened before.
Before all of this zombie stuff went down, Rick had a firm set of laws he could easily live with. He didn't make the rules; they were written out for him. The small town "bad guys" were locked away, and what made someone a bad guy was not so ambiguous. It's impossible for a man like Rick to live in this world. Rick is not a Daryl. He can't suddenly create his own code of what's right and wrong, stick to his gut, and move on with it. He can't pull a Shane/The Governor — becoming a no-rules, Wild Wild West gunslinger, and still sleep at night. Rick needs to be the hero, and needs to know that he was in the right. And now, he no longer has a Shane to be the shoulder-devil to his angel, and he no longer has Lori to tell him what a good person he is (because she was killed, as a result of one of Rick's decisions). When Shane was around to play the role of bad cop, it gave Rick the opportunity to always play good cop. For viewers, it was boring. But now, for Rick, it's maddening. He has to be both cops. He has to accept moral ambiguities. And letting Merle back to the prison would have led to more death and more torture and more things that Rick just does not want to deal with, so he set him free. And that, my friends, was a terrible decision.
So, basically what I'm trying to say is that the situation with Tyreese is impossible, and that someone like Hershel or Maggie or baby Asskicker should start making more decisions for the Gang. Rick has to either trust Tyreese completely, or send him to his death. (A viable option, being that we learned that half of Tyreese's gang — the white half— are douchebags.) Then, move forward and stop thinking about it. The more Rick tortures himself about his own decisions, the less likely it becomes that he can actually defeat someone like the Governor. Like, now Rick is seeing Dead Lori in a wedding dress, which, I mean — please let this be a one-time occurance. Lori is dead. Gone. The Grimes Gang is better for it. Let's move on. Also, it's really hard to come up with an effective war strategy when you're having imaginary phone conversations and seeing dead people. I know this, because I've played Risk on mushrooms. (No, I have not.)
NEXT: The Friday Night Lights defense.
Now, let's discuss someone who is undergoing a much different transformation: Glenn. Glenn has always been naive and relatively innocent for a kid living in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, and the hard things he's had to do — mainly, with that kid from the bar last year — have been extremely rough on him. He's been fine with not doing the decision-making. He's brave, and he'll go along on the most dangerous of missions, but it's not up to him when it comes to who lives and who dies. Well, not anymore. Glenn's going to go after that Governor, whether Rick wants him to or not. Yes, it was Maggie's innocence that was ripped away when the Governor assaulted her at Woodbury, but Glenn's the one who is going to let his own rage get the better of him. He's already pulling away from Maggie, and he was ready to turn that car around and go after the Governor even though that would have been the stupidest thing ever. Think about your life, Glenn. Think about your choices. Obviously, since — as Rick said — they had "started something" last night, a big battle with Woodbury is a'brewin. But with their lack of troops and resources, it would have been stupid for them to go back, even though the Governor did something that, to Glenn, demanded an immediate execution.
So Glenn is like, super intense now. And I enjoy this Glenn. It's going to cause a division between him and Maggie — who just wants to get over it, and keep living — but I dig the passion, and the lack of wishy-washiness (read: boringness) that has defined his character for so long. "My blood, my family, is waiting for us back at the prison," he said definitively, as Daryl tried to justify keeping Merle. Glenn is like a freaking Soprano now. If you mess with his crew, his speedy little ass is coming after you with a glock, and he also might just kick your head in in a state of blind rage JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT.
Finally, there's Woodbury. The Governor has now pulled a complete 180 re: his leadership tactics — a fact which was thrown in our face with neon lights when he slowly, nonchalantly, walked through the death pit/shoot-out madness with a single gun, and then later shot a bitten townsfolk in the head with no grand speech or even explanation. All he cares about at this point is killing the Grimes Gang, who are currently a hot mess so hey, maybe he'll win and Season 4 will just be David Morrissey walking alone with his daughter's zombie corpse through a burnt desolate wasteland a la The Road. Either way, he's no longer a leader — he's just sitting in his apartment, quietly plotting Rick's demise like Cartman did with Scott Tenorman after Scott sold him his pubes for ten dollars.
But you know what? There's a new sheriff in town, and her name is Andrea. Andrea wasn't happy to see Woodbury falling apart after the raid, so she decided to pull her best Barack Obama (or Coach Taylor?) and muster up some Americana-style enthusiasm. "Years from now, when they write about this plague in the history books, they will write about Woodbury," she said to the panicking people. And you know what? It worked! They calmed down, and then Beyonce sang the National Anthem as Landry Clarke of the East Dillon Lions scored the touchdown that would win the game. And the whole time, the Governor just glared. He glared at Andrea from up high in his seclusion, watching as she stole his people — the people he never actually cared about. He would no longer have them, because he didn't want them. But that doesn't mean that Andrea could have him. No, the Governor is going to kill the folks of Woodbury, methinks. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
And with that, I go to bed. What did you think of the episode, friends? Are you excited for the Dixon bros. road trip? Do you care at all about Michonne? Is Rick really actually a good leader and I'm just a big ol' meanie? Let me know in the comments. Thanks.
Follow Shaunna on Twitter @HWShaunna
[PHOTO CREDIT: Gene Page/AMC]
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First off, we can all now breathe that collective sigh of relief — after a three month hiatus from The Walking Dead, it has been confirmed that Daryl Dixon, exploder of ovaries (just ask him), lived through the "fight to the death" with Merle. Unfortunately, Merle did too. And now, #TheWalkingDixons are on a path through the Walker's Woods, away from the Grimes Gang and Woodbury, with no one to lean on but each other (which is rather unfortunate for Daryl, as no one wants to lean on Merle). What's next for the crossbow-wielding redneck heartthrob? A lot, according to actor Norman Reedus.
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"Daryl has it in him to just want [The Governor] dead," Reedus says. "Daryl is the type of guy that, when he gets his mind set on something, he's just going to make it happen. He's more than capable of having bouts of rage. I don't know that [the rage] would break him, but it would make him hell-bent on getting revenge."
Good! Because when the Governor (David Morrissey) put Daryl and Merle (Michael Rooker) in that death pit, it set in motion the events that would inevitably lead Daryl away from his Grimes Gang. But don't count on them being apart for long — Reedus makes it clear that, despite his actions during tonight's episode, Daryl's heart is still very much with the group.
"Daryl has become his own man, now," Reedus says. "He was destined to become another Merle. I've always played him like he was embarrassed about who he was going to be, and he was trapped in that world. This is [Daryl's] opportunity to become somebody new, in a way — he didn't plan on it, but having this world around him has given him a new sense of self-worth that he wouldn't have gotten otherwise. He's a different guy now."
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Which doesn't necessarily mean that he'll take over the group — even though Rick is bananagrams insane (did you see him talking to that zombie-fied invisible Lori?), Reedus says that Daryl is not quite ready to make that step. "Daryl doesn't want to take over the group," he says. "He doesn't want to take on that responsibility. He doesn't want to sit around and talk to people about their feelings, and make plans, and have that on his head."
But does Daryl want to do... you know... with Carol? After tonight's episode, her feelings are pretty clear. But Reedus doesn't feel that his character has enough game to make it happen. "If [Daryl and Carol] hook up, she's got to make the first move," he says. "I don't want to play that like, 'Hey babe, come here.' I'd rather play it like, 'What are you doing? Stop!' That'd be super interesting. All of the ovaries [would explode.]"
Err, let's take a step back. Because a moment before, Reedus and I had been talking about that infamous moment where he held baby Asskicker, which has become an Internet meme, and may or may not be my Twitter background. Reedus, who previously did not really understand the world of memes, and who largely relies on costar Chandler Riggs (Carl — the child) to help him out with technology, was surprised by all of the attention.
"People freak out when you hold a baby," he says. "I've seen a bunch of pictures of that — [women talking about] the ovaries exploding, and all that stuff." [Ed. note: Weird.] "The thing about that character is he wears his heart on his sleeve. He trusts people. The guy cares. He's never had an opportunity in his life to care before. I think that maybe that comes through, and that's why these so-called memes happen, and stuff like that… but, I don't know." [Ed. note: I think your biceps may also be involved.]
In conclusion, Reedus wanted me to relay that the second half of the season would continue at the breakneck pace of the first — in fact, he says things get even faster now that the Dixons have left the Grimes Gang. "It's a crazy ride," he says. "The rest of the season is mind-blowing, what we get away with. Hold on to your ovaries!"
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Um, gross. To get that image out of your head, or to stop your ovaries from exploding, we will leave you with one final plea from the man, the myth, the meme behind Daryl Dixon: Leave Carl alone!
"He's a kid, growing up in a zombie apocalypse," Reedus says. "Cut him some slack. We did that to like, Anna Nicole Smith. We hated her and made fun of her, and then she died. And it's like, 'Look like we did.' And I love Chandler. He helps me with my electronic stuff. I'm like, 'How do I get this app to work?' and he's 'Ugh, give me it.'"
Follow Shaunna on Twitter @HWShaunna
[PHOTO CREDIT: Tina Rowden/AMC]
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Recent years have seen classic fairy tales spawn a variety of cinematic adaptations. In some cases we see family friendly updates like Mirror Mirror. In others we see dark reimaginings like Snow White and the Huntsman. In each of these cases regardless of how successful they might have been in achieving their artistic visions it was clear what type of movie was being made. With Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters such is hardly the case.
The film opens with a playful macabre tone hearkening back to the family-friendly (but nonetheless scary) Halloween movies of the '80s and '90s and prompting hope for this attitude to carry forth throughout the movie. The brimming imagery silly dialogue and overacting of the introductory scene makes it feels like the kind of thing you'd have loved as a child — the sort of film you'd make a tradition of watching every October... until you reached 9th grade and were forever robbed of your innocent love of simple pleasures.
But following the intro — which sends young Hansel and Gretel off into the pitch black woods after their mother and father are forced to hide them from an undisclosed threat and subsequently throws them into the clutches of a decrepit old witch in a candy house — we're treated to a movie with a stark identity crisis.
The subject matter pacing aesthetic style and sophistication of the material all suggest a film for children. But for some reason this movie seems bent on proving itself "mature." Kind of like when you reached 9th grade and were forever robbed of your innocent love of simple pleasures and felt the need to prove just how grown up you were Hansel and Gretel "rebels" against its childlike nature by throwing in very jagged flashes of grotesque gore and misplaced expletives.
The two youngsters manage to escape the wrath of a witch and then devote their lives to taking the witch race down hired as bounty hunters by a small town mayor to recover the kidnapped children of a handful of villagers.
Now this could successfully translate in two different ways: it could take form as a fun-for-all-ages adventure wrapped in black magic and kooky characters or as a dark adult deconstruction of the classic tale. What we get instead is a grab for both and an achievement of neither with the confusion of the mixed message landing Hansel and Gretel in a nebulous middle ground.
The story we're faced with seems best suited for young ones. Simplicity is the name of the game for titular heroes Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arteron who don't have much in the way of character beyond "We kill witches!"
Renner is the puggish kill-first-question-later gun-toter stricken with diabetes (the strangest element of this movie) after his run-in with the candy house witch; Arteron is vicious with a crossbow and a headbutt but more even-keeled and demanding of evidence of witchcraft before imparting her wrath.
The duo are teamed with the likes of Mina (Pihla Viitala) an enigmatic woman saved from torch-wielding villagers by Hansel and Gretel Ben (Thomas Mann) an overly eager young fan of the pair who looks and acts like he's straight out of Growing Pains and eventually Edward (Derek Mears) a closed-mouthed troll who takes a liking to Gretel for mysterious reasons. The uncomplicated characters fast-flying broomstick chases and incredibly accessible overarching plot would and should land us with a PG-13 gunner.
But the prevalence of the aforementioned gore nonstop violence and harsh language stamps the picture with an R-rating.
And for the adults to whom this brand of movie is limited something like Hansel and Gretel would come off as brainless. Not dull — the pacing ensures that you won't be bored. Not overwhelmingly bad in any way really. Just lacking in substance and charm. In a word dumb.
While preteens and young teens might eat this kind of thing up (whether or not they should is an entirely different question) adults will find it unfulfilling.
Empty characters paper-thin plots effortless (this is not a compliment) acting by the whole cast — even generally talented players like head witch Famke Janssen and villainous sheriff Peter Stormare — will give a sophisticated viewer nothing to hold onto.
But for some reason the movie insists on its head smashings and awkward exclamations of "F**k!" Throwing these to the wayside might have actually granted the movie a more successful mission statement.
Hansel and Gretel doesn't have anything at its disposal capable of making it a great movie or even a good one.
But a decision as to whom it wishes to please would at least have bumped it up a notch or two. No it's not a painful watch nor an offensive one. As suggested above it simply offers nothing discernible. And to whom? That's the big question.

Playing Lance Armstrong in J.J. Abrams' upcoming biopic of the disgraced athlete must be every actor's dream. Not only would it require the star to get in peak physical shape, but it's bona fide Oscar catnip material. Triumph, defeat, cancer, drugs, international scandal, Oprah interviews, borderline sociopathy, it's all there. In fact, it might be even more challenging getting into the mind of someone as complex as Armstrong than it would be getting into his spandex bike shorts... and the former would at least be a venture that might pay off.
So it's no surprise that Bradley Cooper is trying to jump on that train (or bike, rather) as early as possible. During an interview with BBC News, the 38-year-old actor said he'd be "interested in" playing the 41-year-old seven-time Tour de France "winner". "I remember thinking, that would be a great character, I'd love to play that character," Cooper said, adding, "I would love to do something, I think he's pretty fascinating."
Cooper noted that Matt Damon is among the names of Hollywood listers who have been pegged to taking on the task of playing the most criticized man in sports (don't get too comfy, Tiger Woods, they'll make a movie about you someday, too). But Damon wants no part in the film, as he told MTV back in November: "That ship sailed a while ago because of how old I was. I still think that story is remarkable and I'm sorry for what's happened, but I have to say he's done incredible things and he's given a lot of people a lot of hope, he's made a hell of an impact on a lot of lives and he raised a ton of money for cancer research. I love the guy."
With Damon out of the running, other top-notch actors such as Michael Fassbender, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Christian Bale have all had their names thrown into the mix. And while they'd all be stellar choices in their own right (Fassbender and Bale certainly know how to play tortured souls, while Gyllenhaal is a bicycling enthusiast) here's why the former Sexiest Man Alive is the best man for the job.
While Cooper may not be the spitting image of the person he's portraying (when has that ever stopped Hollywood before?), he's more than proven himself as a versatile actor, and the Armstrong role would most certainly run the gamut of skills needed. Onscreen he's experienced the side effects of drugs in both Limitless and his powerful, Oscar-nominated turn in Silver Linings Playbook; he's trained to achieve an athlete's body (The A-Team); he's played the bad guy so well he kept getting typecast as one (Wedding Crashers, The Hangover, He's Just Not That Into You); and he's even played someone whose trail of lies and deceit eventually caught up with him (The Words).
But, more than anything else, Cooper has proven himself as a pretty great actor, especially with Silver Linings Playbook. For someone who seemed doomed to play the same parts as a jock lunkhead or, worse, fall victim to too much tabloid fodder for his dating life, Cooper has proven his skeptics wrong. His breakout performance — in which he balanced beautifully upon the high wire of playing someone with bipolar disorder — likely won't earn him an Oscar next month (that's pretty much Lincoln star Daniel Day-Lewis' to lose), but it doesn't mean it won't set him on the path toward even greater roles. Maybe, in the end, that will turn out to be the small silver lining of this scandal.
[Photo credits: Chris Connor/WENN; INFPhoto]
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"You are my favorite thing, Peter. My very favorite thing." These are the words Walter Bishop said to his son before he made the ultimate sacrifice; giving up time with his family in attempt to let that family happily exist. Also: "It's a beautiful name... Astrid." Tear. These smaller moments, where the four primary members of the Fringe family expressed their profound love for each other (there were quite a few of them in the 2-hour, action-packed finale) are the ones that will stand out to long-term fans when they look back on the end of this always sweet, always risky, occasionally jumbled series. The rest: Michael's rescue, the visit to the alt-universe, the (ick) time travel — all helped bring about the characters' deserved happy ending, though it wasn't exactly the most thrilling, goose bump-inducing end to a Fringe arc we've seen. (Read: "Entrada.")
Which doesn't mean that it wasn't great. Fringe took yet another huge risk when it deviated from the alt-universe story that made up the first four-ish seasons of the show, and it had 13 weeks to prove that that risk was worth taking. I think it was — having the characters alone, in dire circumstances, with nothing but each other as means for survival, was a great final journey for a show whose biggest selling point was always the power of its central relationships. And earlier in the season, particularly with Etta's death and Peter's transformation into an Observer, we really got to see these four realize what we knew all along: that they were capable of love in a way that — in the beginning of the series — they wouldn't have imagined.
"You have a beautiful family," Olivia said to Fauxlivia, on her final trip to the other side. "Now go save yours," Faux responded. That's what made this — Olivia's final mission — different from the rest. Yes she was saving the world, but she was thinking of her family. Of Etta. Not duty, honor, or the difference between right and wrong — the things that had previously driven this slightly (okay, majorly) emotionally stunted character. After a childhood of abuse and a life of abandonment, the Observergeddon turned Olivia into the wife, mother, and daughter-in-law they all knew she could be.
But strangely enough, Olivia's journey wasn't the most touching, or heart-wrenching, aspect of Fringe's final hours. Lance Reddick told Hollywood.com earlier this week that Peter and Walter would have the toughest go of it this time, and boy was he right. Fans learned last week that in order for "the plan" to succeed, Walter would have to sacrifice himself. We knew it, but that couldn't have prepared us for the scene where Peter discovered a tape, hidden in amber, that Walter had hidden in 2015 back when he first put together (then scrambled) the pieces of the puzzle.
In the tape, Walter tells Peter that if he's seeing this, he must have wandered into the lab and found Walter not there. He must have read the letter that led him to the tape. Of course, this isn't what happened — Walter's final tape was discovered long before (Or after? Bah, time travel.) it was meant to. So Peter learned of Walter's decision to take Michael into the future during their last moments together, which was heart-breaking and a great final showcase for these two actors. "The time we had together we stole," tape-Walter said, surely one of the most memorable lines of the finale. 2015 tape-Walter had finally come to terms with what he had done way back when, and — having forgiven himself — he was able to fully appreciate the time that he had had with his son. Beautiful.
However, this is where I must get nitpicky. Walter re-gained his memories of his time with his son in 2036, when Michael gave them to him as both a gift, and an impetus to do what he knew he'd finally have to do — sacrifice himself for his family. The memories Michael gave him let him know that he was capable of extreme love, and that he had experienced it. 2015 Walter had only had a few years with Peter, and was a much different man than the one we saw in the tape. Yes, he probably would have still made the same sacrifice, but not with the years of happy, stolen time that he was referring to. I really hate to pick on a beautiful scene, and the fantastical elements of this show make many impossible things easy to forgive, but Walter's tape simply does not work within Fringe's confusing timeline. Moving on.
Before we got to the gang's final scenes together, they had to rescue Michael. The episode opened with big-bad Windmark questioning the boy of many words about why September/Donald had hidden him for so long — because for Windmark he was nothing but an anomaly, and certainly nothing worth saving. Michael's telepathically communicated answer, of course, was love — a feeling so incomprehensible to Windmark that it made his eyes and nose bleed. Hee. Windmark did not learn about the plan through his interrogation, but he did realize that Michael's intellect was far superior to the Observers', and his capacity for love and empathy makes us humans look like a gaggle of sociopaths. So, yeah, Michael was important — important enough to merit a trip to the 27th century, to discuss "The Anomaly" with Observer Grand Master General. "There is no greater danger than that is unknown," Windmark said, asking permission to kill the boy at once. GMG disagreed: He wanted to study "it" further, and felt that Michael's role in their domain was irrelevant.
Clearly, he underestimated Olivia. In a scene that was slightly questionable, given Walter's extreme love for his family, he injected her several times with Cortexiphan (ahh, the memories!) so that she could travel to the ultimate universe, use its Fringe team's help to gain access to Liberty Island where Michael was being held (a detail Broyles provided), travel back, and escape, again, via the alt-universe. That's four journeys in as many hours, in case you were (rightfully) confused, and had lost count. This would take a major told on Olivia's body, and could even lead to cardiac arrest, so Walter pooh-pooing Peter's concerns was a little troubling, even though Walter himself saw it as total trust in Olivia. (Which, it can be argued, is exactly how he felt the first time around. Yes, he loves this Olivia and had no feelings for the pint-sized girl of yesteryear, but he was sort of treating her in the exact same way, no?) Again, nitpicking. Again, moving on.
And here, this whole time, we thought we had the better universe. Over on "the other side" the Statue of Liberty was as bronze as ever, the Fringe team still ruled over Liberty Island, Chelsea Clinton was a shoo-in for POTUS (another wink-wink little treat for liberal-minded fans), and Fauxlivia Dunham-Lee and her doting husband Lincoln had not aged. Apparently, the Fringe team over there had spent the last few decades locating the Fountain of Youth. The O-and-Fauxlivia reunion was touching and a necessary gift to the fans, and through Anna Torv's excellent, subdued facial acting we could see the heartache Olivia felt when — due to Fauxlivia's obvious happiness — she was forced to think about her own terrible misfortune. "It's okay," she said to Lincoln, when he reflected on the insane turn of events over on our side. "I made my choices, you made yours. I don't regret any of them, and neither should you." [Ed. Note: Why would he?] "You deserve all the happiness that you got."
Of course he does! We love Lincoln. He totally got the more fun version of Olivia, who made fun of him for checking out "her young ass." (That levity was very much appreciated in this emotion-heavy episode, and it's always been something that Fringe has balanced very well.) FauxLincoln-a (shipper name!) were of course willing to assist with the madcap plan, and it basically went off without a hitch — Olivia teleported to her side of Liberty Island, where the Observers were experimenting on Michael, whose brain seems to be so overloaded with thoughts and feelings that speech, movement, and even facial expression is impossible. Through Olivia's eyes, because of the Cortexiphan, the whole rescue looked like a Walter-esque acid trip — but, she did it. She shot up a bunch of Observers, grabbed Michael, brought him back to the other side, fought MORE Observers (with FauxLincon-a), then transported Michael back to the other Fringe team over on Battery Park. The goodbye to FauxLincoln-a was rushed, but we'd already sort of made our peace with them last year, so seeing the crazy lovebirds at all was a lovely treat.
With that, it was time for the end of the end. The Observers captured Broyles, and the Fringe team took Michael back to the lab, where the aforementioned tape scene shattered our hearts into a million pieces. Walter told Peter that he had to travel to the future with Michael to give Peter a chance at having his own family, which, despite the illogicality of the tape, was beautiful. September met up with December — one of the calendar Observers who went blindly on the mission to find a suitable time to raid — and asked him to procure something. He did, traveling forward in time to get it, but it ended up in Windmark's hands and he ended up dead, because the bad Observers had been monitoring him the whole time. Whatever, he was going to cease to exist anyway. The device would create a wormhole that would allow the Fringe team to reset time.
... Which was problematic, since, you know, Windmark had it. Astro suggested that they use one of those Observer shipping lanes to create a wormhole instead, and sure. Fake science mumbo-jumbo, etc. etc. The team assembled their own personal Delorean, and Walter handed Peter a device that would make Observers float away like balloons. Why, you ask? "Because it's cool!" Walter replied. ("That makes sense, Walter," Peter said with a smile. Again, with the little moments!)
Then, my heart grew three sizes that day: Astrid — sweet, wonderful, constantly overlooked and okay with it Astrid — took Walter through the Amber for one last surprise: GENE! Walter had always loved Gene, and seeing Old Bessie (sort of) alive and well in the amber, and how much it meant to Astrid to show her to him, led to the goodbye that these two characters greatly deserved. "You'll always know how to soothe me," he said fondly. She assured him that it wasn't the end, that they'd eat Red Vines and drink strawberry milkshakes in the lab once more, as free men. Of course, Walter knew that that would never be the case. "It's a beautiful name," he said as she walked out. "What is?" she replied. "...Astrid." (Excuse me while I wipe the tears from this sensitive keyboard. Astrid's smile when he said this burned a hole right through my entire existence.)
Now, enough with the touchy-feely: We gotst a world to save! Windmark interrogated Broyles, and though I thought last week that maybe — just maybe! — Windmark's interest in human emotion could lead to something positive, I was wrong: "I too feel something," he said. "I believe you call it hate." Ugh, kill the bastard. He tried to read Broyles, but got nothing: So the Fringe team brought the fight to him, and not vice-versa. Broyles didn't get an emotional farewell like Nina, Astrid, or anyone else, really, but seeing him hold his ground to protect Olivia was a nice send-off for the character.
Anyway, time for the final attack — which was another huge treat for Fringe fans, bringing back fringe events from seasons past to torture both Observers and pesky loyalists alike. Intestine-bursting parasite worms! Orifice-closing gas! Giant slug-things! Exploding heads! Evil butterflies! It was like a slightly less intense, more "walk down memory lane"-ish version of the scene in Cabin in the Woods where all of the crazy monsters (my personal favorite: creepy molesting tree) came out and murdered everyone. Luckily, since he was in a room with no ventilation, Broyles remained intact.
The resistance, the Fringe team, and Donald met outside for the final hurrah, after Donald told Walter that he would be the one to take Michael through the wormhole, due to his newfound fatherly love. I wasn't exactly a huge fan of this, since it was obvious that it would never happen, and led to a somewhat cheap end for a wonderful character. But, I digress. There was a final battle, the highlight of which was seeing A, the floating dead Observers ("Peter! What did I say? That is cool!") and B, the Cortexiphan-ed Olivia have one last go of it. Windmark appeared to beat the crap out of everyone, so Olivia gathered up all of her emotion (gathered by holding Etta's bullet necklace) to TURN OFF THE LIGHTS OF MANHATTAN AND MOVE TWO VANS TO SQUISH WINDMARK INTO A BLOODY PULP. Olivia, you bad bitch.
Donald took Michael's hand to run through the wormhole, and, of course, was promptly shot to death by an Observer. Michael sat down next to him with the music box to play him a lullaby as he passed, which, again — tears, tears galore. The music still played as Walter walked over to take his hand, and two boys, simultaneously, mourned the passing of their fathers — both of whom gave their lives, unselfishly, for a higher purpose. Peter mouthed something to Walter as they took one last look at each other, and it didn't take a Dunham-level genius to figure out that his final words were "I love you, Dad." (Sob break, BRB.)
Walter and Michael walked into the light, and we flashed back to a scene we'd seen many times before — only this time, it had a different ending. In the year 2015, in a park, a little blonde girl played with a dandelion. Etta ran toward the loving arms of her father, and met them. Olivia didn't look away, and an army of bald guys didn't storm the park to ruin that little girl's future. Olivia smiled as father and daughter played, and when they returned home for bath time, Peter received a letter in the mail: A white tulip, from his father. Hope.
All in all, it was a beautiful, fitting end to the series. Do I still hate time travel? Yes. Does the fact that the Observers — and thus, September — were erased from existence logically mean that Peter couldn't have been saved from the lake? Yes, but since time travel opens up the doors to a lot of plot holes cough cough Lost, it's forgivable for the sake of the larger story. I'll miss you so, so much, Fringe.
Follow Shaunna on Twitter @HWShaunna
[PHOTO CREDIT: FOX]
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More familiar faces are headed back to Scranton for the final goodbye of The Office: Mindy Kaling and B.J. Novak are almost certainly returning to say goodbye to Dunder Mifflin for good in the NBC sitcom's series finale — and possibly another episode too.
Showrunner Greg Daniels told reporters gathered on the Office set that fan favorite characters Kelly Kapoor and Ryan Howard are likely coming back for at least one more installment. "Mindy and B.J. should be in the finale," he said. "We're talking about possibly another episode, although Mindy's in production on her show."
Of course, there are still several episodes left to film before the finale, so it's not 100 percent certain how scheduling will shake out. Daniels confirmed that Zach Woods would be back as Gabe before season's end, joining former recurring actors David Denman (Roy) and Melora Hardin (Jan) in making one final visit. One person you won't see in season nine, however, is Steve Carell.
"Steve was very much of the opinion that the 'Goodbye Michael' episode and the story arc leading up to it was his goodbye from the show," Daniels said. "The stuff we are doing this season is the goodbye the rest of the show gets to have. At the moment we don't have any plans for him to come back."
The show's sendoff will still be great, paying tribute to the rest of the great cast. "There's still a lot of good things we have planned for the rest of the goodbyes," Daniels said.
Follow Jean on Twitter @hijean
[PHOTO CREDIT: NBC]
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Everyone knows the hardest role to play in Hollywood is that of the buxom bombshell. At least that’s what the latest profile of sex symbol Megan Fox seems to purport. But while there’s definitely room to examine the value the celebrity world places on certain traits for certain people — bombshells are people too, after all — Fox’s write-up in Esquire falls victim to the actress’ evidently unavoidable allure. The problem is, her siren song is the surefire signal of an impending shipwreck. No matter how many times his words try to tell us about the thoughts going through her pretty little head, the author gets lost in her lips. Or her eyes. Or the “sublime” nature of her flawless face. This, my friends, is textbook fawning.
The profile opens by comparing Fox to a modern day Aztec sacrifice, only instead of taking her life, this celebrity-obsessed society wants to hold her still-beating heart while it still rests in her chest. But Fox is not exactly an Aztec, “She's a screen saver on a teenage boy's laptop, a middle-aged lawyer's shower fantasy, a sexual prop used to sell movies and jeans,” writes author Stephen Marche. He later justifies her marriage to “the actor whose career climaxed twenty years ago,” Brian Austin Green as a marriage of convenience, painting Green not as her white knight, but as a troll under the bridge, ready and willing to whip out his “grotesque anger” to keep photogs from capturing Fox’s “glowing beauty.” Marche's description is more tinged with jealousy of Green’s good fortune than a factual glance at the couple’s marriage.
So far, is it a bit much? Definitely. But it’s the profile’s muddled argument, overshadowed by its complete dismissal of Fox’s own words, that provides the real issue.
Marche argues that the American bombshell is dying and that it’s something worth saving, lingering on Fox’s “unfettered sexual beauty” as an impediment, while “perfectly plain” stars like Adele, Lady Gaga, Amy Adams, and Lena Dunham are at the tops of their fields. With the exception of Dunham, who’s been plagued with ruthless criticism of her body and face, none of these women have ever occupied a space anywhere near “plain.” Unless, of course, the person doling out descriptions was blinded by the divine sight of Megan Fox.
What’s more is that the author, who spends precious graphs early in the story describing Fox’s inescapably arresting beauty, acts as if none of us could possibly understand the beauty he was witnessing in that moment:The symmetry of her face, up close, is genuinely shocking. The lip on the left curves exactly the same way as the lip on the right. The eyes match exactly. The brow is in perfect balance, like a problem of logic, like a visual labyrinth. It's not really even that beautiful. It's closer to the sublime, a force of nature, the patterns of waves crisscrossing a lake, snow avalanching down the side of a mountain, an elaborately camouflaged butterfly. What she is is flawless. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her.That’s great, but what does Fox, who’s tried and failed, to escape the overwhelming expectation for her to play the bombshell in every instance, who’s needed comedy heavyweights like Judd Apatow go to bat for her (She’s funny you guys! I promise!) have to say about this? Simply that she’s tired of being bullied as a celebrity. And what is she usually bullied for? For being a bombshell.
But one could argue it’s important to paint an accurate picture of one’s subject. Still, the piece continues to put Fox on a dainty pedestal, literally interrupting her musing on modeling her career after Ava Gardner instead of her former role model, the doomed Marilyn Monroe. It’s a moment that should speak for itself, it should say in Fox’s self-professed revelation that this is a woman who gets it. A woman who understands the need to grow and change, and mature, and to deliver beyond the gorgeous facade. Instead, the realization is stinted by Marche’s distraction mid-speech. “Ava Gardner did have control, over herself and others. But even as Fox says the name, a self-aware smile plays over those ultrasymmetrical lips. Self-awareness is her most attractive feature,” he writes. Suddenly, this isn’t so much an exploration of Fox’s graces, but one of Marche’s self control. And he’s failing.
Now, the profile is running in men’s magazine (though men's magazines aren't code for "without responsibility") and Marche isn’t the first journalist to be unbound by his subject’s arresting features. Just last year, actor Michael Fassbender was the subject of hyperbolic adoration in every profile written about him, the most memorable being the description in Vogue: “He sucks all the air out of the room, mesmerizing even the preschoolers in strollers … His voice is as deep and gravelly as Harrison Ford’s, his carriage as upright and intense as Daniel Day-Lewis’s, the blue/green/gray eyes as attention-grabbing as Paul Newman’s,” writes Vicki Woods. As distracting as it is, that outpouring of obsession isn't uncommon.
So what’s the harm? If it afflicts both men and women, why worry about one over-indulgent, fawning profile here or there? It simply accomplishes the opposite of a profile’s goal. Where an interview seeks to give life to a pretty face and a body scantily clad on glossy magazine covers, or in Fox’s case, stuck playing the role of Resident Hot Bimbo Babe, it seeks to provide depth below the glittery water’s surface. However, Fox’s Esquire profiler is so enrapt by her physical gifts that any words directly from the babe’s mouth fall flat. In adulating her visual virtues, he actually completes the cycle he fears so greatly: the extinction of the American bombshell.
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
[Photo Credit: George Pimentel/WireImage]
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You know how bummed you are that Joss Whedon won't be taking on the newest chapter of the Star Wars series? You're not the only one. The man who has given us the superfun Avengers movie, the science-fiction majesty Firefly, and your teen years spirit guide Buffy the Vampire Slayer admitted to CNN Entertainment how disappointed he is that he won't be able to put his spin on the Lucasfilms franchise. At least not yet.
"I'm as angry as you should be," says Whedon, citing his conflict with developing projects like his The Avengers 2 and the S.H.I.E.L.D. television series as schedule conflicts for a potential Star Wars movie. "When I heard [about the new episodes,] I was like, 'I wonder... no, I really can't do that. Oh, I already have a job.' I wouldn't clear The Avengers. I'm having so much fun with that sequel right now, just with the script, that I couldn't imagine not doing it."
It's S.H.I.E.L.D. in particular, which we just heard is almost a sure shot for a series order, that seems to be keeping Whedon busy. "I'd forgotten how much work TV was, so I'm cranky at everybody all the time ... But it's really fun. We have a beautiful ensemble and we're having so much fun coming up with the stories. It really is like working at Marvel Comics, which was a dream of mine as a kid because this little book S.H.I.E.L.D. that not that many people read ... It's not as big as the movies [and] we're telling smaller stories but we get to do it more often."
So was Whedon right to choose the motley Marvel squad over the intergalactic adventures from Tatooine to Endor? On the one hand, a followup of the gigantic crowd pleaser that was last year's The Avengers would have to come from the mind and heart of Whedon to instill the kind of unbridled confidence Disney is likely hoping for. Still, the multihyphenate does have some ideas for what would make a Star Wars sequel work: "I'd like to see a little edge. We all missed the Han [Solo] of it. It got very portentous, which was justified by the story, but I think we'd all like to see a little anarchy in the mix."
It sure would have been nice to see the astonishing (X-) man who has breathed life into wonderworks from Toy Story to The Cabin in the Woods (imagine the sort of dark whimsy he'd manage by combining those two ideologies) kick his charms over to a galaxy far, far away. But hey, there are three Star Wars movies planned for the future, so there's still hope... a new hope.
[Photo Credit: Greg Gayne/Fox]
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The following article contains massive spoilers (and not just like, "Estes acts like a d-bag" spoilers) about the Season 2 finale of Homeland.
In 2011, United States Marine Nicholas Brody was rescued from an underground terrorist base in Afghanistan, after having been captured and held prisoner by the forces of al-Qaeda for eight years. Brody, as he is affectionately called by his wife and friends, was returned home to America, where he would reunite with his family, earn notoriety as a nationwide hero, and accelerate professionally to the level of congressman and vice presidential hopeful. But there was a side to Brody that the world didn't see, even with the influx of reporters and public figures storming his home from every corner of the Virginia countryside. What CIA Agent Carrie Mathison, her associates Saul Berenson, freelance surveillance experts Virgil and Max, and the highly addicted Homeland audience began to suspect: is this dude a terrorist? Long story short, yes. At least, he was.
Sunday night brought the second season of the Showtime series to a close, also seeming to put a lid on all of our distrusts regarding Brody. The episode concluded with a gigantic explosion, which took the lives of dozens of attendees of Vice President Walden's funeral, including his wife and teenage son, and CIA Director of Counterterrorism David Estes. Absent from the event, quite conveniently, are Carrie Mathison and Nicholas Brody, who sneaked away to have a romantic foray just in time to avoid the wrath of the bomb... which was detonated from within Brody's car.
If you didn't catch the episode, the above synopsis will probably suggest with near certainty that Brody was responsible for the act of terrorism (which was followed by a television broadcast of an al-Qaeda message proclaiming patronage of the explosion). But Homeland seems to want us to think that our pursed-lipped hero is in fact innocent. The final moments of the episode had Carrie sending Brody off to the freedom of Canada (where no one will ever find him!), and set our favorite secret agent off on a quest to prove her inscrutably beloved soldier's innocence — such, we assume this to be the course of action for Season 3/the show's Lifetime movie adaptation: My Boyfriend Is Not a Terrorist: The Carrie Mathison Story.
But something seems... missing. We were invited into the world of Homeland on the premise of a huge-scale whodunit. For the majority of Season 1, fans weren't sure what exactly was up with Brody — was he really a terrorist? Was Carrie Mathison, in fact, crazy? And what was lurking beneath Saul Berenson's beard? All mysteries with which we happily engaged. But Season 2 put a lot of this ambiguity to rest, instead allowing us to watch idly as one crazy, adrenal situation after another played out onscreen. And this seems to be the way Season 3 is setting up to introduce its formula.
What we really need from the show, however, is a return to this active-viewing form: the "Is Brody a terrorist?" game that was as fun and engrossing as a round of international Clue. Of course, that's just one opinion. A few members of the Hollywood.com staff chimed in to give their take on directions that would best suit Homeland's third season:"Despite what the showrunners may say, the Season 2 finale still had me doubting Brody's intentions as well as his feelings for Carrie. Season 3 needs to get rid of this question mark once and for all by telling us definitively whether Brody is a good guy or a bad guy. Because this flip-flopping business is exhausting. Also, the 'Carrie is alone and crazy' card is so thoroughly played out, in order to hold my interest Season 3 needs to give Carrie a team. Let's see a Brody Berenson Mathison Quinn coalition (a la Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce). And bring back Galvez!" - Abbey Stone
"If Season 3 went back to exploring Carrie's work on the ground floor (especially now that Saul is in charge), not just her trying to cover up for Brody, the show might have a shot at getting back to the fascinating, intelligent show about terrorism that it it was when it started out." - Aly Semigran
"I think that Season 3 of Homeland should mostly be about Dana. She needs to get a new haircut and change her name so that no one knows who she really is. I think we should see her go to college and meet a nice boy. She has a hard time trusting men, considering that her father is now an exposed terrorist and that her last boyfriend ran over a lady and left her dead body in the street and then he died in a CIA bombing that her father may or may not have orchestrated. But she meets a guy and they fight and break up and then they get back together and she wears a lot of black... Oh, wait, that's what I DON'T want Season 3 to be about." - Brian Moylan
"Homeland would benefit from jumping ahead 100 years into the future. Don't worry — they invented technology to keep Carrie and co. around. So they'll still be trying to figure out if Brody is a terrorist or not, but now they'll have laser guns and teleportation machines." - Matt PatchesWhat are some of your ideas about where the show should go from here?
[Photo Credit: Kent Smith/Showtime]
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