Main menu

You are here

Buy Sandusky?

Register

Oct 23, 2013

Want to make a debate involving the six Sandusky city commissioner candidates certified for the November ballot more interesting than asking the standard question of, “If elected how will you dot your I’s and cross your T’s better than your opponent?”

Ask each and every one of them if the items they buy for everyday use are bought in Sandusky and you’ll probably discover that they are all dressed in out-of-town underwear.

With Election Day slated five days after Halloween, the campaign trail to the Haunted Meigs Street Mansion is littered with underlying issues attempting to connect the candidates with who they are or Ard’nt for.

Asking the candidates where they purchase their daily items of need and use could give voters a better look at how much they support the people who live and work in Sandusky.

Did they buy their tattoo in Sandusky or venture over the city borders to get inked? Do they pay for their groceries in Sandusky or travel to neighboring township grocers? How about their La-Z-Boy? Their car? Their beer, liquor and lotto tickets?

All items that can be purchased in the city by the bay, sold by the merchants that the candidates for the Sandusky City Commission want to represent. Yes it would be a good debate question to show the voters which candidates do or don’t buy Sandusky.

Halftime show, Part I — What could the Blue Streaks, Panthers, Polar Bears, or whoever your favorite high school football team is, do every year that the Browns have accomplished only once this century?

Make the playoffs.

All the Ohio High School Athletic Association has to do is reduce the number of regular season games to eight, which could, should and would allow high school football to take part in statewide playoffs just like every other high school sport does.

The 9th week would be sectional pairings made by seeds and drawings for position which, after playing, half the teams in Ohio would be eliminated for the 10th week. After the dust settles from week 10, the computer ratings that are now used to pair teams would determine the remaining playoff schedule.

Meaning, every high school football team gets nine games and in the playoffs.

However.

Yes there’s always a however.

However, high school athletic departments across the Buckeye State would probably veto their student athletes a chance like this due to the money lost over a fifth home game for their school.

Hmmm… imagine that. Money over what is best for the student athlete.

Halftime show, Part II — As for the Browns not making the playoffs year after year, perhaps the NFL, in order to make them feel like they belong, will give them a participation certificate award.

Debates establish the identity of a candidate to the voter and the answer to the debate question of, “Are the items you buy for everyday use bought in Sandusky?” could establish the insight voters need to recognize who is and who isn’t the right Sanduskian for Sandusky.

Sometimes it’s not the hard, complex questions that voters remember from a debate but rather the simpler questions that show what the basic roots of a candidate are.

Besides, it could be memorable watching Sandusky commissioner candidates debate on where they did or did not purchase an item.

“Sir, I maintain you bought your condoms in Washington from Congress.”

“How can you prove that?”

“Because, they’re always screwing someone in Washington!”

You can only imagine how fast, if elected, these candidates will be willing to spend Sandusky taxpayers’ money elsewhere if they don’t even practice keeping their personal purchasing power in Sandusky.

Such as authorizing an out- of-town firm to conduct a study that would determine just how many candidates running for Sandusky city commissioner actually buy their everyday items, from a car to drive to groceries to eat, in Sandusky.

Or if their doctor, dentist, insurance agent, lawyer, minister, masseuse, bartender,psychiatrist or other professionals, whose needs they might need occasionally or daily, practice in Sandusky.

For those of you who think a debate question asking candidates about buying exclusively in Sandusky is bogus then think about this.

They’re trying to sell themselves to Sandusky.

Perhaps, if anything, knowing a question about purchasing your everyday items in Sandusky might be asked will inspire future Sandusky city commissioner candidates to purchase all they can in Sandusky.

After all.

What better way to buy a vote?

Chuck Hoefert is a Sandusky-based humor columnist. He can be reached at hoefert@hughes.net.