Heard Around the West

Directors, take note: Don't even think about
staging a play in Colorado if it features a character with a
nicotine habit. A three-judge panel of the Court of Appeals
recently ruled that smoking indoors anywhere in the state enjoys no
protection under the First Amendment - and that includes puffing
away on a cigarette with a filler that mimics tobacco, such as
cloves or other herbs. This is apparently the toughest anti-smoking
ban in the nation, reports The New York Times,
and three theater owners in Denver say they plan to appeal the
decision to the state Supreme Court. Meanwhile, one way to fake
lighting up on stage has already been invented. Last year in
Denver, an actor with the Curious Theater Company put a cigarette
in his mouth, "wagged a finger at the audience," then waved around
a jar of dry ice marked "simulated smoke."

OREGON

Two thieves who
didn't even know their victim played a really rotten
trick on a southern Oregon man, reports The Associated
Press and kgw.com. In order to cover up a previous theft they'd
committed, the rotters put ads on the Craigslist Web site saying
that everything at Robert Salisbury's home was absolutely free for
the taking, including his horse. Salisbury, an independent
contractor, was away when the ads appeared, and when he got home to
Jacksonville, Ore., "he was greeted by close to 30 people rummaging
through his barn and front porch." What was worse, even when
Salisbury explained that the ads were a hoax, people didn't believe
him and refused to give anything back, waving Craigslist printouts
under his nose. Only a woman who'd come for his 32-year-old horse
smelled something fishy; she left a note on his door questioning
the giveaway. Some people have since returned the stuff they took,
and police are still contacting people who were seen carting off
Salisbury's possessions. Detectives traced computer files to Amber
Herbert, 28, and Brandon Herbert, 29, who were booked on burglary,
theft and computer crime charges. "Meanwhile, Salisbury could not
even relax on his porch swing - someone took it."

THE WEST AND NEW YORK

Somewhere on the steamy streets of New York City
this August, a quarter-acre of wheat will wave in the sun,
compliments of the Wheat Foods Council, a national nonprofit based
in Parker, Colo. The council hopes the strange sight will entice
media, though free samples of baked goods made from wheat and other
grains might also engage the press and passersby. The 10,890
square-foot mini-farm of hard red spring wheat won't come cheap:
Promoters expect to spend up to $300,000 for their three-day visit
to the Big Apple, according to the Capital
Press. They might also want police protection. As
commodity prices soar, "grain thieves" have been robbing farmers'
storage silos. A bushel of spring wheat, which has historically
traded between $3 and $7, spiked as high as $24 in recent weeks.

COLORADO

Two
attorneys spent several hours March 19 arguing over
whether a 91-year-old man was healthy enough to stand trial for
attempting to rape a nurse at a nursing home in Palisade in western
Colorado. The lawyers could have saved their breath. The defendant,
a registered sex offender, was not only dead; he'd been cremated
almost a month earlier. When informed of this fatal twist in the
legal proceeding, Pete Hautzinger, the district attorney for Mesa
County, told the Grand Junction Daily Sentinel,
"That's a relief for public safety." Later, the DA apologized for
his quip.

MONTANA

Maybe the best way to deal with the federal
government is to just say "no" and call its bluff. That's
what Montana Gov. Brian Schweitzer did after the Department of
Homeland Security ordered every state to comply with its Real ID
Act. There was a risk: Starting May 11, Montanans with unapproved
driver's licenses might have been turned away at airports by
federal security agents. But as Schweitzer, D, told the
Billings Gazette, "We didn't blink, we didn't
buckle, and they (Homeland Security) said OK. We gave up about
nothing." True, his state had already beefed up its driver's
licenses to make them resistant to forgers, but Montana's attorney
general didn't even bother to ask for an extension of the May 11
deadline. The state Legislature has been equally defiant. It said
the state would never comply with the Real ID law, blasting it last
year as "costly, unnecessary, potentially violating privacy rights
and a violation of states' rights." A Homeland Security spokesman
defused the standoff by saying that a letter from Montana officials
about its more secure driver's licenses sufficed as a request for
an extension. Now, Montana has until Dec. 31, 2009, to satisfy the
still-vague requirements for tamper-proof driver's licenses - or
not.

Betsy Marston is editor of Writers on the
Range, a service of High Country News in Paonia,
Colorado. Tips of Western oddities are always appreciated and often
shared in the column, Heard around the
West.