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.:Returning Slowly:.

Smiles to everyone…

It has been a while since I have written a blog post and I am trying to get back to the swing of things slowly. I guess, I need to tell everyone the story about my slowing down on my SL stuff. Well, here it goes: A couple of weeks ago, I was doing a RL photography shoot (Yes, I am a rl photographer :-p) with a family. Then I noticed that I was having sharp chest pains, but I just kept going. The pain has gotten worse and just unbearable so I took an aspirin and took a nap. I woke up feeling worse then I checked my blood pressure and realized it was 210/164. Feeling dizzy and just wanted to pass out, I was urged by my family and some of my SL family/friends to go to hospital. I think I was talking to Kesh before I left. I got the ER and they noticed how I leaning and how I was holding my chest. My daughter said, “My mom has chest pains.” I was rushed back and did a series of tests and also got my pressure down. The ER doctor told me that my Echo came back abnormal and I needed to be referred to a cardiologist. The ER doctor said you have to go at 8:00am because my echo looked horrid. It was like 2:00am when I gotten home and had to get back up for the appointment. Walking in the hospital where I was born in and the fear of dying here crossed my mind. The irony of that made my skin boiled. When I got in the cardiologist, I noticed that I was the younger person there and even the secretary asked me if I am bringing my parent. I was like no, I am coming for myself. Well, got the back and waited for the cardiologist and waited until a male walked in and introduced him self. He was really cool and was like you are too young to have an echo like that honey, what is stressing you? We discussed a variety of subjects, my job, my photography, lacrosse, and how I was a college athlete. After we talked, he said, ” I am going to do a heart cath.” My facial expression just dropped. I started to tear up but I held back because my daughter was there. I went to the waiting room to wait so I can schedule the procedure and I started to cry to the point that I was just hurting all over.” I felt so weak and felt like I was disappointment my kid because I was crying and I just couldn’t accept the fact that it I was getting to the peak of aging with my diagnosis (which I am not going to talk about). I went back to the back and the nurse said we need to admit you now because he is afraid that I might have a heart attack. I asked, please allow me to go home and I come back in the a.m. with my family because I didn’t want to leave her alone. I went home got my business in ordered and OMG, I cooked alot because I could not have food after midnight. So I ate up a storm. Forwarding the story a bit, got to the hospital and got on the cardio floor. The first thing i heard was you are the second youngest person here on the floor today, we will make you neighbors. I got in the room and started to talk to some of my SL friends especially Brendan as he talked to me on video chat, looking my best. I started to smile while I was getting prepped. It was so embarrassing going to prep because the guy was a nurse and he had to my wax area just to wax it again. My time came and I was rolled to the room and I got nervous. When I nervous, I tend to go to bathroom alot. I know TMI.. But, I do.. But I wanted the opportunity to go back to my room to hug my kid. I got back in the room and started to cry again. I cried and I cried.. Luckily they allowed my mom to come back to calm me down before they put me in the room to get me completely ready. I was talking the nurses and showed me what they were going to do and then I was out. I woke up laying flat and unsure what happened and why I am feeling this way. My mom just come to me to kiss my head and said you were sick, baby, I am happy we got you in. I was still out of it and I was like huh. Well, the doctor came in and told me my heart was stiffening up and i was days from a heart attack and I needed stents. The pain was my heart hitting my chest cavity. I was like wow and just turned my head. I was mad and upset that my body wanted to do things that I was not ready for. I remained over night and I was tired as hell when I got home. But, I had to stay with my brother since it was easier for me to access things. Walking up stairs tiring and just doing anything in general just tiring. I do have the diagnosis of having a failing heart, but I am not going to claim it. I do have wonderful support in RL as well as a wonder network in SL of FAMILY and friends. ( I am so tearing up from this post). I have to say my family in SL has been so supportive and always there since my recovery. I have no idea what I would have done without that. I just want to avoid stress and people being pushy in both worlds. Cause it is time for me to look out for myself. Right now, I am healing and taking it slow. But this is the beginning, I do have another procedure I am getting for and only one person knows it until I ready to open up about it and ready to share.

Since, I am unable to do pictures at this time, I do have wonderful photographer friends who are helping me with my blogging.. HEHEhe. One has been my hubby who did these wonderful pictures of me and him rocking my nephew shirt. I was determined to get my female shape into this shirt cause I LOVED IT SO MUCH and guess what , I did it.. LOL.. Looks hot on me too.. :-p ..

Please take time to pray for him too, Josiah Lee Baxter. He is going through something as well and I know how he feels. I know what a long post, but consider this for me. Next time, you think of a charitable organization, think of the National Heart Association. I know Relay for Life is big, but people often forgets the parts of the body that keeps up functioning.

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2 thoughts on “.:Returning Slowly:.”

Darling Tosha. I’ve grown close to you every since our meeting in NYC. I have to say that I’m so glad to know you better. Having seen your connection with your daughter, I know that you’re a truly beautiful person. Your strength and ambition are inspirational to me. I was so happy to get to talk with you while you were in recovery. I wanted to extend the same support you gave me in prep for my surgery. Reading your account of the experience made me cry so much. From the perspective of a parent going thru something like that and having to be strong for your daughter, I feel I have gained a deeper understanding of who you are at your core…..your soul.. Also, the love and support you received from your own mother, friends and family in both words, is a testament to the reach your beautiful personality has in captivating the spirits of others. I will send as much positive energy and love as I can possibly send to you and your daughter. I wish you a full recovery. You know, sometimes it takes a big scare like this to make us slow down and reprioritize in terms of life. I don’t think this is it for you by a long shot. I believe this was a forceful shift in your life’s path. Love you Tosha. I know you have many more decades of life left in this world and so many more memories to create with your daughter. Bless you both.

Vikee, you had me tearing up reading this comment and I really appreciate it. It really means alot to know that people do really truly care no matter what world you in. Like I stated to you before I really did not know you until we really got connected in NYC. I am happy that I have gained a wonderful who causes me to be broke because of make-up and shoes. LOL.. I am going to need your guidance for my next step of my journey as I begin to go back to the old me. I send you a FB message about my next procedure.. Love ya, Call me anytime