Porch Profile:The Men of 1518 Frericks

John MacKenzie: Well, we all lived together last year, and then Riley joined us this year.

Daniel McNicholas: Yep, over on the Rubicon.

Michael Mullen: Riley, Tyler, Daniel and I all met in Sig Ep.

DM: Tom and I lived on the same floor our first year. Founders Grounders, baby. We did not just say that.

Thomas Leslie: There is no “we” about it. I am heavily embarrassed by you. Anyway, it was the smelliest floor in Dayton.

JM: I met these guys when I took a picture of a random group of people. I guess Daniel ended up knowing one of them, and that’s how we met.

DM: Of course you were taking the picture.

TL: John basically carries a camera around everywhere, so it’s a running joke.

Riley Young: I met these guys when I went back to their room to hang out with Daniel on, like, a Friday night, sophomore year. We were all hanging out in their VWK common room when some chick dragged Daniel into his room, and I was left with his two roommates that I didn’t know.

JM: I really don’t think I was there, guys.

RY: The lights were on, but no one was home, if you know what I mean. Someone had too much fun in the student neighborhood.

FN: Give everyone in your house a superlative.

MM: Okay. Riley is Always Right, Daniel is Never Wrong, Tyler is the house Housecat, because we never know where he is—

Tyler Bagdasarian: That’s not true! I shared my GCal with you!

JM: GCal is God in this house.

MM: It’s true. To set up this interview, we didn’t really talk about it, we just consulted all of our GCals. But anyway, Thomas is Most Likely to Offend You and Not Care, and then I’m Brand Loyal.

DM: He once drunk-ordered Vineyard Vines.

JM: What is mine?

MM: Curly-headed idiot? No, idiot’s not a good word… you’re clueless.

JM: No way is that me!

MM: John, you don’t know which way north is.

JM: It’s not that common of a fact!

MM: He thought Michigan was an island because of the Great Lakes and that North Carolina was a border state of Ohio.

JM: Okay, so I have a lot of strings in my wheel house, and directions are clearly not one of them.

DM: Thomas, you’ve been pretty quiet.

TL: I was just thinking about how I probably lost a full-time job during the first five minutes of this interview.

FN: Care to share your most embarrassing moment at UD?

JM: My sophomore year, I was walking down the stairs of a party, fell down all of them onto the speakers system and proceeded to take a walk of shame out of the house.

RY: Mine was definitely when I decided to drink some 151, blacked out, and got branded “151 Kid.”

MM: Can we bring that back?

JM: Thomas, what is your most embarrassing moment? I’m trying to think, but all that comes to mind is when you embarrass other people… well, there was that one time you catered Popeye’s to a day drink.

TL: That wasn’t embarrassing, that was awesome.

RY: Oh I have another one. Everyone at Tim’s saw me wipe out in front of the bar.

JM: He had just won a Tim’s sweatshirt, so his celebration was understandable.

RY: Yeah, it was awesome. But then I fell, and everyone started chanting, “F THAT KID.” So.

DM: Well, Thomas paid for Daytona and didn’t go because his parents wanted him to get an internship.

JM: Daniel, you’ve done too many interesting things to be embarrassed by any of them.

MM: He had a VIP Tim’s card for a week and lost it. So embarrassing.

FN: If you were visiting for your 10-year reunion, what would everyone be up to?

RY: Daniel would be your typical suburban housewife.

JM: Driving a Honda minivan. Tom, on the other hand, will be back in Atlanta, with a trophy wife, running a corporation.

MM: Married to our friend Colleen.

DM: Owning three Chik-fil-A’s on the side.

TB: No way, they wouldn’t let him.

DM: You’re right, he would have to get a really Christian wife.

RY: He will also be in a wheelchair by choice.

MM: Because he will choose to be so obese.

TB: I want to be running Tim’s out of business.

JM: Don’t you ever say such a thing. I hate you.

TB: Michael will be running a high- tech firm.

DM: Where he can be surrounded by his whiskey and guns.

JM: Daniel will be the coach of his future kid’s CYO team.

DM: Well of course. My team is 10-0 now.

JM: You recruit.

DM: I can’t recruit. They go to Holy Angels!

JM: (looking at phone) Oh, Tim’s got a new schedule!

RY: You will still be a rat in 10 years, John.

MM: Tyler is going to be in DC doing something completely unrelated to his major. Probably working for CNN.

TB: I would never.

DM: You totally will. There will be so many DC Instagrams.

MM: Riley is going to own a microbrewery in Cincinnati.

TB: Yeah, finally putting his Chem-E degree to use.

RY: Hashtag IPA.

JM: Wait, what will I be up to?

MM: JMac, you’re going to be working at corporate Target, and you will still have a terrible driving record and curly hair.

FN: Do you have any house traditions?

JM: Parties on Sunday.

DM: Always. Milano’s is open until midnight on Sundays for a reason.

TB: Dancing on tables is another one. (Seeing roommates’ reactions) Or maybe that’s just me…

DM: Oh, also anyone who comes here inevitably ends up taking a picture in front of our flag (gestures to a giant flag covering an entire wall of their living room).

FN: What advice do you guys want to give the underclassmen?

JM: Study abroad in Rome.

(Roommates laugh.)

JM: What guys? I loved studying abroad!

DM: Learn to play die.

TL: My advice would be to support the Enterprise.

MM: Become friends with Jan at the Deli. And don’t go to ArtStreet,because they never have pickles.

JM: Do the Milano’s challenge.

RY: John, you hated your life during that.

FN: If your house came with a warning label, what would it be?

RY: Everything falls.

DM: And breaks.

TL: Also, our house is leakier than the Superdome.

MM: Yeah, on Halloween, a girl decided to flush a lot of stuff down our toilet, and our ceiling flooded.

RY: The maintenance people hate us.

JM: They walked upstairs on move in day and said, “Wow. We forgot to remodel this house.” Thought of another one: Be warned that there was a male stripper here once.

DM: These girls ordered a stripper at some other house in the student neighborhood, they brought him to our house, and then he refused to leave.

MM: His name was XXXplosion.

DM: He kept trying to tell the cops that we had ordered him.

JM: If anything, he’s the real winner of this article. He’s getting a lot of exposure here.