Since the beginning of time, adults have wanted to protect children from the temptation and evil of a wicked world. This is good. Many adults think they can achieve this protection by explaining what's good and bad, then laying down hard sanctions on those who stray. This is delusional. Consider the story out of western New York this week, in which a charming fellow allegedly hung around schools seducing girls as young as 13. One of his charms apparently was drugs, for which the girls were allowed to pay with sex. Some will also pay with their lives, because he didn't mention that he is HIV-positive. The first reaction of many adults to this story was shock. Here's a character straight out of "Reefer Madness," hanging around playgrounds going, "Psssstttt! C'mere, little girl," and all the little girls are lining up not only to take his drugs, but also to have unprotected sex with him. It's not as though there were no warning signs here, folks. It isn't as though these girls hadn't heard the warnings. Avoid drugs. Avoid risky sex. Problem is, they're kids. "Kids have incredible tunnel vision," says Dr. Joy Browne, a psychologist heard on WOR. "They're self-involved and they have no perception of consequence. In this case, these girls saw an older guy with some panache and glamor, and even if they knew something bad could happen, they assumed it wouldn't happen to them. "That's just how kids are. That's how kids have always been. That's why it's so hard to be a parent and have to watch them go through those years.

" Adults do want to help. But when adults say "Don't do this because it's dangerous," which they consider an appeal to logic and reason, kids often hear it as "Don't do this because we don't want you to.

Advertisement

" We spend millions to finance a "war on drugs," which to many kids is people who once said yes telling their children to say no. "Back then it was different" just isn't quite enough. Similarly, New York State has just dumped millions of dollars into a sex-ed curriculum that urges teenagers not to have any. Call it Abstinence Ed, and on paper it's 100% effective. Just one hitch. To adults, teenage sex is a problem. To teenagers, it's a goal. You'd have more luck standing at the horizon to stop the rise of the morning sun than to legislate or lecture away teenage hormones. Futile warnings This doesn't mean parents and schools should not explain the consequences of sex. Nothing wrong with a graphic look at the reality of teen parenthood, either, or noting that there are moral factors. But working from a premise of "it's bad, don't do it" primarily insures that the kids who most need information have just tuned out. Not that we're about to downsize the warning biz. We warn kids against tobacco, our deadliest drug, even though we can't actually say it's a drug, because it's legal. We lecture against alcohol, as if any 17-year-old in the world can't get a drink and as if alcohol manufacturers aren't delighted to lock in brand loyalties well before 21. We applaud the V-chip as a way to keep grownup television away from the eager eyes of impressionable kids. We applaud TV ratings for the same reason, just as we applauded record ratings and movie ratings before that adults telling other adults with straight faces that a TV-MA or an R or an "explicit lyrics" designation is a lockout tool when 90% of teenagers see it as a magnet. Live and learn Adults are now salivating for a rating or electronic blocker system that will keep those same impressionable kids from finding dirty pictures or conducting heavy-breathing chats on the Internet. Right. Next we'll enforce the speed limit. With the average teen in the average situation, the realistic goal for parents and other adults is to provide enough information and support so the kid doesn't make any impulsive decisions that have permanent bad consequences. If all goes well, as experience and perspective grow, the kid will eventually see there are reasons and rewards for being smart. It's an imperfect process. But grownups who think firmer warnings, stronger barriers and stricter rules will end teenage experimentation are only talking to one another. The only message they're sending kids is "You're on your own.