NAKOFAN'S RANTS

Okay, in simple terms, this is a page where I go to talk about things that can get
under my skin. I'm very laid back most of the time and I tend not to let things
bother me. This is more of a page I got an idea about when I watched a George Carlin
stand-up performance.

This is not intended to offend anyone. It's just me expressing a little freedom of speech...
though I'm sure this will be censored in China because, well...they censor everything. They're just short
little snippets and contain a few inside jokes and my sarcastically humorous remarks. And yes, there
are a few things that really do sicken me.

Please don't email to tell me if something has offended you. I won't read it. Just click
"Back" on your browser and enjoy the rest of the site.

There, now that the disclaimer is taken care of, here are my rants. Enjoy.

The Stupidest Questions that People Ask

I present to you my list of some of the dumbest questions people ask that irritate me and/or always deserve an
even dumber/sarcastic answer. This one will likely be updated often.

Can I ask you something?

Didn't really give me much choice there.

Do you love me?

I quote George Lopez: "What is this, a quiz?"

Do I look fat in this?

Don't EVER ask me this unless you want a "smart" answer back. And believe me, I have plenty.

What was I gonna tell you?

I don't know, what were you going to tell me?

You know what I was thinking?

No I don't.

Anyone who calls my cell phone and asks "Who's this?"

Hey, moron, you called me! I didn't call you. If you're gonna call MY cell phone, and the first thing you ask is
"Who's this?", then why are you calling me in the first place!?! Normal people don't go calling random people at random
telephone numbers if they don't even know who the hell it is they are calling.

The Men Who Treat Women Badly

These are the people who give guys a very bad name. And it sickens me. I've heard so many times about some abusive,
controlling, and manipulative guy who treats his girlfriend like she is nothing. Everytime I hear of a situation like that,
I cringe. To the women in these so-called "relationships", you're better than this and you're stronger than he makes you
feel. There are so many times where I wish I could just take the woman out and remind her just how special she really
is.

Christmas Season

Every year this holiday starts earlier and earlier. Okay, I understand the point of the whole season, but when
I see elderly men and women get trampled on TV as they try to enter a store the day after Thanksgiving, I start to wonder if
anyone else does. And I'm sick and tired of hearing Christmas music in the MIDDLE OF NOVEMBER. Christmas is in December.
Let's keep it in December.

Bill "Bandwagon" Walton

I could easily sum all this up with the phrase "Worst Commentator Ever" but that wouldn't do it justice.
Bill Walton is just plain horrible. His commentary reflects his I.Q., or lack there of. He just speaks because
he likes the sound of his own voice and hopes that his words form some sort of a sentence. He changes his pick
for games within minutes. Before Game 5 of the 2005 NBA Finals, he was all about the Detroit Pistons, saying
they would destroy the San Antonio Spurs and win the Championship in six games. At halftime of that game, he said
the Spurs would win it all, saying they've been the best team all year long. One of his fellow commentators followed
with "So, it only took you an hour and a half to switch Bandwagons." Walton went silent and I can only hope that
lasts forever. Supposedly he's a Hall-of-Famer, but you couldn't tell that by the way he talks about basketball...
if that's what he's even talking about. Confused? Well that's how most people are when they hear his commentary.
He's the #1 reason why NBA TV ratings have been so low. Please ABC/ESPN/Disney/whoever...FIRE BILL WALTON!

People who blame video games, music, and movies for violence in the world

I'm sure that everyone has heard at least one story at some point in the past few years
where someone kills another person or persons and someone else says that Grand Theft Auto or
Marilyn Manson is to blame. Look, if someone goes on a killing spree, that person already
had things all screwy upstairs before they picked up a game controller or popped in a CD. People
have been so quick to blame these forms of art for violence, but they forget that "more people have
died in the name of God than for any other reason." I quoted George Carlin there...and I couldn't
have said it better myself.

Ashlee "My Sister is Jessica" Simpson

I don't think there has ever been a bigger embarassment to my generation than
this little moron. She says things dumber than her sister and she's one of the
biggest hypocrites I know. The only reason Ashlee is known is because her sister
is Jessica yet in every song she sings or TV appearance she makes, she trys too hard
to send the message that she's NOT her sister. She deserved to get booed at the 2005 Orange
Bowl and she should have apologized to Kelly Clarkson. While she wasn't responsible for
Kelly's microphone malfunction, Ashlee's horrible performance overshadowed Kelly's remarkable
showing. The only people who were happy with Ashlee's performance that night were the Oklahoma Sooners.
Little Simpson was the only thing worse than they were that night. Please Ashlee, just go away!

I understand that you have what you perceive as some "good news" for me,
but I really don't care what it is. Honestly, if I wanted to know, I would walk
over to your little table myself and pick up a flyer from you. Don't run up to me
and wave a little flyer in my face. You're wasting your time (and mine) trying to
"save" me.

People who chastize me because I like something they don't

Look, I like that movie or that video game or whatever. Don't ask me questions
like, "Why do you like that?" then proceed to lecture me on how much
that thing is horrible. I like it and I don't care if you don't. Do I sit here and tell you the
same things when you say you like something I don't? No. So show me the same respect.

Telemarketers

Okay, so I've worked as a telemarketer before...and I hate them now MORE than ever.
It's very simple. Don't call me. I don't care. If I was interested in what you
have to offer, I will contact YOU. Make a television commercial or advertise on the internet. DON'T
CALL ME! I can only thank President Bush for getting the "No Call" list going.

People who accuse someone of doing something they didn't

And I mean this both in the legal sense and the social sense. And I'm sure the Duke Lacrosse team
will agree on this one. It just makes you look like more of an idiot when you throw accusations at
someone and then have your friends, family, lawyers, etc. join in on the "blame game" when you know
that person didn't do what you're accusing them of. So sad...

People who try to change who I am

This one has irked me for a while, but it just recently came to my attention again. Whether it's family, girls I have
gone out with, or, on the rare occasion, friends, I hate people who come into my life and try to change who I am
and what I'm about. I love who I am and I am proud of who I am. The people I keep close to me in my life are close
because they accept me for who I am. What you see is what you get with me and if you can't accept that, then you have
no business being a part of my life. Quit thinking that it's an honor for me to have you in my life. You are nothing
special. I was fine without you in my life and I'll be great without you in it.

And that concludes the Rant section...for now. More will appear I'm sure. So check back
if you ever want to.