My wife, bless her square heart, could not give less of a shit about all this bizarre "end of the world brought about by Masters of the Universe types" bullshit that I seem to have devoted my time to studying (as opposed to say something like computer programming that might actually pay a fucking bill around here).

But while she really could care less, she does fain being the "good wife" from time to time and at least try to wrap her non-insane mind around whatever paranoid conspiracy theory has led me to wrapping my children's heads in aluminum foil.

While most of the theories are fairly cut and dry (in as much as deep theories involving multinational cabals intent on suppressing the truth and controlling the world),there has been one that has done itself no favors for being as convoluted as it is... CHEMTRAILS.

Why I Don't Have A Fallout Shelter...

"... So when the gigantic solar flare erupts, it will send an enormous amount of X-rays to the planet knocking out all of our technological advancements and kicking us back to the 17th century for a few months if not forever..."

"And there is nothing we can do about this???" She replied, a slight look of 'Oh Shit this sounds plausible...' coming across her face. Conspiracy nuts live for that look.

"Well depends on who you ask... there are some who say the power brokers have been preparing "Apocalypse Bunkers" all over the world for decades now while there are others who believe that they are spraying barium and other radiation absorbing materials into the atmosphere in order to..."

But I could see the wheels in her head turning...deep thought is never a good thing when discussing conspiracy...

"Wait.. I thought chemtrails were part of the HAARP thingie that seeds the clouds...,"she started, the wheels starting to come off the bus.

"Well yea...it is a different group..."

"And didn't that Alex Jones guy you listen to say that they were a planetists ploy to kill like half the world..."

"Globalists..."

"Whatever it is... sounds like bullshit."

That is how my conversation to build a fallout shelter in my backyard played out.

I damn near had her ready to say yes on the initiative too...that's the worst part. She was just about to pull the trigger until the stupid fucking chemtrails came fucking up.

The Problem With Scotland Is It's Full of Scots...

Truthfully I really don't fault the concepts of "chemtrails" in and of itself...It's actually kind of genius... a cabal of madmen bent on human destruction (be they multinational corporations, rogue governments, ancient secret societies, or colonizing extraterrestrials) spraying chemicals for some reason yet to be determined (not all chemtrail theories are entirely malicious...) reason out of the back of airplanes all over the world.

It works... I could see James Bond trying to thwart just such a thing.

My issue is with the lazy conspiracy theorists that have decided to insert "chemtrails" into the Mad Libs that forms whatever crackpot delusion they have decided to jot down in order to make a few bucks.

These unimaginative jerks muddied the waters, taking what may very well be a legitimate thing that is occurring worldwide and turned it into a punch line... a cliché...

Radiation shield to try and protect us from X-Ray flares during solar storms???

Chemtrails.

Drugs dispersed by government to keep us docile and controlled???

Chemtrails.

Form of population control?

Chemtrails.

The trigger chemical to the poison the globalists hide in the drinking water?????

Well, that's actually the aliens doing that. But the alien repellent we are spraying in our atmosphere in order to try and keep such things from happening...

I think you can see where I'm going...

It just appears to me lthat chemtrails seem to fit into a whole lot of varied theories involving way too many shadow groups and actual governments, and it is a little too convenient to just assume that all the "Powers That Be" share technologies and intelligence.

Sinister Syndicate

I'm not saying that I don't believe in the whole "Chemtrail phenomenon" nor am i arguing that it is not actively being done- be it by our government, some other government, rogue groups... you name it.

All I am saying is that if someone is going to take the time out of their lives to dream up a whole conspiracy theory (as opposed to those really happening out there)... going so far as to actually flesh out the idea (including doing enough superficial research to find evidence to prove whatever madness you dreamed up is actually happening)to write a book (let alone the multi-volume series a lot of the kooks on Coast to Coast AM tend to have)...then at the very least burn a few extra calories coming up with a different delivery route for the poison/drug/weaponized metals/alien repellent that they want us all to unwittingly take.

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Gay Marriage....

Is too important an issue for the Government to leave to the hands of the people... Should be a state's rights issue where the voice of the people will be heard... Isn't going to matter a hill of beans once the Chinese roll their tanks down the Pacific Coast Highway...