Atheist Uses Logic, Reason to Congratulate Self, Alienate Others

University of Cambridge student and atheist Justin Tannenbaum has been celebrated for telling absolutely everyone he encounters—regardless of if they want to hear it—that anyone who is not an atheist is a complete fucking idiot.

For three years, Tannenbaum has worked tirelessly to structure his coursework, extracurriculars, and free time around an issue he’s extremely passionate about: the fact that God does not exist.

Though Tannenbaum grew up attending Hebrew school, he realized at the very young age of eight that humankind is completely alone and without any intrinsic purpose on this planet. For that reason, Tannenbaum has made it his purpose to use his objective, degrading and patronizing logic to spread the gospel of our existential solitude—in essence, “the total fucking ridiculousness of any religious belief.”

In his freshman year, Tannenbaum spontaneously admonished approximately three thousand people for their “ludicrously ignorant” belief in a personal, benevolent, powerful deity. Rather than waiting around for an opportunity to share his views with an audience open to hearing another’s perspective, Tannenbaum took the initiative and provoked bystanders on deeply personal questions of religious faith.

“For me, this issue really isn’t about the social bonds and existential comfort that emanates from certain ways of seeing the world,” Tannenbaum said.

“This is about the simple fact that I’m right, and everyone else is wrong,” Tannenbaum said. “If I piss off a few people in the process and completely alienate myself from otherwise friendly, interesting, and well-meaning people, so be it.”

“And hey,” Tannenbaum added, “When they die and find out there’s no Heaven or Hell, I won’t tell them I told them so.”