Ladies, Here's What Guys REALLY Think Of Your Sexy Undies

As you all know, men are relatively visual when it comes to arousal. Girly magazines (and lad mags), strip clubs, wet clothing contests and internet pornography are more popular with us because of this. Because of this ocular fixation, we appreciate a good-looking pair of sexy panties.

I have no way of knowing if your drawers are from La Perla, Frederick's Of Hollywood, American Apparel or Kmart. Sure we'll probably feel unwittingly skeeved-out and turned-on by the American Apparel knickers, but that's totally beside the point.

The point is that while we're far more interested in the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop we appreciate the resplendently colored candy coating. (Worst metaphor ever.)

Things like lace, mesh, silk and other stuff that we don't have words for are really nice, even if we'd prefer to see them on the floor, lampshade, ceiling fan blade or neatly folded and tucked into a drawer.

However, I assume most guys don't actually get hot and bothered by something that looks like it may double as a doily.

We're turned on because we've been led to believe that you feel extra sexy and confident when you're decked out in Victoria's most scandalous secret. We appreciate the effort, on your part, to look sexy, especially if it's a matching set.

Somewhere along the way, an older brother (or older brother figure) convinced us that when a lady wears a pair of exotic underwear that she's looking for sex. Sometimes, some of us dudes are not so great with body language, innuendo, and general romantic semaphore, but we're basically lights-out when we see you're wearing "get up on me" undies.

If my logic holds up, ladies wear fancy panties because they feel sexy and want gents to find them sexy, and the guys like fancy drawers because they've been told that it makes women feel sexy. It seems someone or some industry's put some effort in.

It's one of those Catch-22, chicken-and-egg, Prisoner's Dilemma or Sophie's Choice scenarios. Until we're ready to talk about who's actually in favor of these "fun-dergarments," dudes or chicks, we'll keep giving the clothing industry our money and anxiously await their newest innovation. I hope it somehow involves Bluetooth or Twitter.

(P.S. We also appreciate auditory, tactile and olfactory stimuli. Frankly, we love any sensual encouragement.)