Browsed byTag: teenagers

Last few weeks, we have been reading of some shocking incidents of teen suicides due to the strong emergence of the online game called the ‘Blue Whale challenge’. Teenagers who seem depressed and lonely are falling easy prey to this fast-growing, horrifyingly dangerous challenge. It has taken the parenting and schooling fraternity in India and globally, completely by surprise. By the time they realize the gravity of the situation, it’s too late for them to intervene and help their children stay away from it.

What is the Blue Whale challenge?

The Blue Whale Challenge is an online game known to have originated in Russia. It targets teenagers through a social networking site by identifying certain hash tags and search words used by the innocent kids. Once they sign up, they are assigned an anonymous curator who gives a daring task for every day, spread over 50 days. These tasks range from waking up in the middle of the night to watch scary movies, sending photos of self-harm with a knife or a needle, not speaking with anyone all day, speaking to the other participants (known as whales), to climbing a crane or ledge, all in the process of inflicting pain upon themselves.

If the teenager is reluctant or wants to back out of the challenge, the curator threatens by saying that all their information lies with them or harm will be inflicted on their loved ones. The teen even has to post photos of some tasks on their social platforms as proof and use dedicated hash tags. Then on the very last day, the teenager is asked to jump from the top of a building and commit suicide. The curator derives pleasure by completely brainwashing the victim into taking his or her own life.

Why do teenagers fall prey

Most of the teenagers have their share of problems and insecurities. It has its physiological relation with their hormones and is a healthy part of growing up. But in some cases, the intensity of emotions and feelings in a teenager is far beyond what is considered to be normal. A deep sense of failure in all aspects of their life, a profound feeling of being ignored and of very poor self-esteem leads some teenagers into depression. They become so vulnerable that they tend to seek validation from an external environment. The online media serves as the perfect outlet for them to vent their feelings of despair and helplessness.

Finding like-minded people to associate with fills them with hope even if it means latching on to self-destructive traits. Their need to belong to a group and seek approval is simply so strong, they are willing to do just about anything. The virtual world allows them freedom of actions and thought unlike the restrictions present in their real world. No wonder then, such a challenge that incites excitement at every stage fills them with a false sense of purpose. As they complete each tasks assigned, they gain a sense of achievement. It fills them with instant, magical success, something they have been craving for long.

Signs to watch out for

How frustratingly helpless a feeling it must be for parents to see their children take their own lives! Did they not see any warning signs in their teenagers’ behaviour? Were they so disconnected from their children to know what’s going on in their minds? Or were they too busy to look out for the activities their teenagers were busy pursuing?

While we may not be able to decipher completely the complex minds of our young adults, we can surely watch out for some alarming signs:

Spending way too much time online, on phones or laptops, and on social media

Staying aloof from family members at home

Cut marks on their body

Secrecy about who they are chatting with or what they are doing online

Seemingly outraged or upset after using the internet

Unwilling to go out socially or interact with friends

Too excited or too withdrawn

Reluctant to talk about anything

Too much media coverage on the Blue Whale Challenge has raised concern as well as panic amongst parents and schools alike. But the focus needs to shift from this hype over the suicidal game to addressing the root cause of the problem – teenage depression.

Like this:

“The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them.”
~Frank A. Clark

Recently, my teenage daughter went on a study trip from school with a huge bunch of students and a few accompanying teachers. The excitement of spending four days and nights with their best buddies was pulsating from the minute they all had gathered at the airport. It was gratifying to see their delight as I bid her goodbye, albeit with a sigh of sadness that she is not going to be home for the next few days.

Amongst the rules of this trip was one where no cell phones were allowed. Such a relief it was to know that they will be able to focus completely on their studies, serving the real purpose of the tour.It would be assuring for parents as kids will have no screen distractions and not be bothered by innumerable calls and messages. Well, that’s what I thought. But what ensued instead was an incessant flow of queries and comments on our messaging group. Messages that reflected a constant sense of worry and anxiety about their girls… ‘Flight delayed, poor kids will be uncomfortable; have they eaten anything; they will miss out on sight-seeing; is it too cold;hotel lines are forever busy; cell phones should have been allowed; they are eating dinner so late; they have to wake up so early…’

Now I am not being critical or judgemental here – after all, we are together on this journey of motherhood.

But I wondered…I’m not so worried, does it make me a carefree mom? I’m not even guilty of the space she and me both will enjoy from each other. Does that make me a heartless mom? Does parenting mean attachment? Does maternal love entails being possessive about the children? Do we always need to be in control of our kids? I have two teenagers whom I have practically raised on my own and surely learnt many lessons along the way. Pertaining to this context, here are a few points I feel compelled to highlight from my own experience:

We need to keep our cool– Teenage is a tough period to tread through for mothers as well as for children. It’s that phase of high surge in hormones in their bodies and changes in their brains. There are bound to be outbursts of uncontrollable feelings as they learn to cope with all the changes in their lives. It becomes imperative for mothers to keep their cool especially during stormy moments. We have to remind ourselves that we are the parent and it is crucial to display that maturity. Being calm and controlled, and not reactive, is the key.

Teenagers require their own space– It is hard for us moms to stay away from our children completely. Especially being a single mom, it is very hard for me to keep a distance or stay disconnected. We want to be around and do everything to raise them well. But it is essential for us to recognise that teenagers do require their own space – physical, emotional and mental, to become self-directed adults. They need their space to exercise their choices. They need the space to make their own decisions and face the subsequent consequences. They require the distance from us to grow. That is how they will learn to survive and thrive. We owe them that space and respect it too.

Balance between monitoring & privacy – Teenagers are discovering themselves and constantly learning to deal with the adult world. Their brains are still growing, surely we ought to guide them as they learn to sail through life. On the other side, they are also growing to be adults who need their privacy. It is crucial to define the boundaries on secrecy based on mutual trust and respect. They need us to trust them and respect them for who they are. Maintain a balance between when we need to supervise and when to let them be.

Our anxiety rubs on to them- It is natural for moms to be concerned and worried about everything related to our children. They will always be a part of us outside of our bodies. However, the key to healthy parenting is to keep our anxieties at bay as it rubs on to our kids. The way we react to situations and to our kids sets a conditioning pattern in their minds. They begin to operate at the same level of anxiety as we model for them. Instead, let us display coping mechanisms to deal with our anxieties and together learn ways to manage stress.

We need nurturing too- It is commonly said that we moms need to put on our oxygen masks first before we put them on for our kids. It is so important to fill ourselves first in order to give to our families. Our teenagers will soon fly out of the nest we have so beautifully built. What are we going to do then? Where are we going to focus our precious time and energy? We need not orbit our entire lives around the kids. Instead, lets find time to do things we enjoy, ways to evolve and have our own independent identities. For our own sake as well as for our kids’ sake.