i love all the commas; they add to the mood, and make it suond like the narrator keeps having afterthoughts.

"since, you know, you are dead and/I'm still breathing" - my favorite line. there's just something very morosely tidy about that line; it's very honest and the words are neutral, but there's a sad, almost bitter feeling.

I love the way this read like someone speaking to me. It made quite the impression. You’ve also done a really nice job at capturing a lot of emotion in not many words. I love the sorrow and cynicism of this piece. Keep up the great work.

I liked your utilization of breaks, parenthesis, and imagery. But, the ending is really what pulled me in and made me love the poem. Great work. The ending says so much more than you've written, and that's what makes a work excellent... when it transcends the boundaries of language/words and takes on a new meaning, deep and powerful.