New York Writer

Kimberly’s Burn Book: The Close Shopper

Welcome to Kimberly’s Burn Book, a feature in which I complain about things that annoy, irritate, or frustrate me. I know, I should be more specific.

One of my favorite scenes in Confessions of a Shopaholic is the sample sale when the women go crazy fighting over deeply discounted merchandise. Much to my disappointment, I’ve never gotten in an epic smackdown fight over last season’s Gucci boots in the four years I’ve lived in New York City. All the sample sales I’ve been to have been relatively tame. The craziest thing that happened was at an Alice + Olivia sale when women started trying on dresses over their clothes to avoid the excessively long line for the fitting rooms.

Even so, at a sample sale, you’ve got to be quick, so a little bit of aggression is excusable because it’s a one-time thing. What really annoys me is at a regular sale or even a store without a sale when shoppers side up RIGHT NEXT TO ME and start looking at the same stuff. Welcome to my personal space!

Remember the Seinfeld episode about the close-talker? Enter the dilemma of the close-shopper.

WHOA THERE. You need to back up.

I was at J. Crew in Columbus Circle looking at a table of discounted sweaters when multiple women (possibly tourists) came up right next to me and started digging in the same pile of sweaters. Would it kill these people to wait 30 seconds for me to pick a sweater or walk away to zone in on the same items? There are plenty of sweaters to go around, thank you very much!

It’s very awkward trying to say something, like “excuse me, could you please BACK UP out of my personal space while I browse this rack?” Still, I wish I could, because close-shoppers are the worst. There should be a rule. One shopper per 20 hangers of clothing! This isn’t Black Friday. Wait your turn!