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Toll of Perfectionism

Powerful, Self-Image Changes to Make This Winter

For me, one of the best times of the year is early spring, when plants and animals shake off the cold winter and bring back life to our environment.

What a great metaphor for all of us. It’s the time I get to start putting words together to form a ceremony as weddings begin to take place after a winter of meeting, planning, and interviewing morphs into the day of…

But I’m also fond of the fall, when the leaves are changing. When all life is prepared to tuck in and wait out the long winter months. Seeing the leaves change colors motivates me to make some changes in my own life.

As a wedding officiant, one of the changes I’d like to see my more detail, planning crazy couples make…is a shift in how they perceive themselves.

Today’s duo’s put tremendous pressure on themselves to have the perfectly executed ceremony.

What is perfectionism?

According to Psychology Today,

“Perfectionism is driven primarily by internal pressures such as the desire to avoid failure or harsh judgment.”

If you feel this kind of pressure, there’s steps you can take NOW to get yourself off the hook. It may seem surprising and these steps disconnected from your wedding plans, but hang in there.

Kick to the Curb

For your entire planning process from start to day of, for society to be healthy and for more people to find true happiness, we’ve got to kick the pressures of perfectionism to the curb and change the way we view ourselves and the function of our wedding day.

That’s why I’ve put together a few simple steps for helping you view the process in a positive light.

Step 1 – Turn off the TV– Facebook — Instagram — and your phone.

You’ll feel the way you’re continually taught to feel. And while it may be fun to binge watch Netflix once in awhile, or connect with old friends online, your overall health will benefit from more natural settings.

Hang out with friends. Play with some kids. Find the people who love you for you and spend time with them. Perfectionism isn’t real. What your friends and family say about you? That’s real. So start there.

Abby went on a 4 week social media fast. At the end of the 4 weeks, Abby reported sleeping better, eating healthier – by choice, and having more energy to accomplish things throughout the day.

She didn’t do anything extraordinary. Abby simply distanced herself from those things that were causing her negative self-talk that bought into perfectionism.

Step 2 – Make a list of qualities you enjoy about yourself.

None of us spend enough time being grateful for what we have. And yet, all of the statistics say that gratitude has a ton of benefits: better physical health, better mental health, better sleep, etc.

By writing down the qualities you like about yourself, you’re expressing gratitude for those things that make you special. And the results will work wonders.

John had let two failed marriages convince him he was not a person worth loving. By writing at least one positive thing about himself in his journal each day, John realized he had value and could let himself love again. He’s now in his third marriage and reports things are going better than he ever could have imagined.

Because he learned to love himself first.

Step 3 – Compliment others.

You know how good it feels when someone gives you a compliment? It’s great, right? And if we’re surrounded by people who continually compliment us, our self-esteem might soar.

But did you realize you can get the same physiological reaction from complimenting someone else?

Imagine what the world would be like if each of us had a goal to offer at least five sincere compliments throughout our day. But sometimes compliments make us feel awkward and uncomfortable.

Well…get over it.

That person with the flower in her ear needs to hear how it makes her look youthful and beautiful. That boy with his eyes downcast needs to know what a great friend he is.

Compliment others regularly and you’ll see your self-esteem grow and quiet the demands of perfectionism.

Can you go with the flow?

Look, change is hard. If it were easy, everyone would feel great about themselves. People would go with the flow and perfectionism would lose its grip on our hearts. But most of us never reach those goals. Because it takes work!

There’s a reason leaves fall off the trees in the autumn and animals prep for the winter. It’s so they can

emerge every spring new, refreshed, and ready to bloom. They put in the work now so they can enjoy the results later.

If you need help easing the pressure of perfectionism, then Contact me.