Friday, July 30, 2010

goody, goody gumdrops. that is JUST what I like to hear from my doctor--completely makes my day. he also told me that we're going to have to go outside of the textbooks with me, now, and that if the test of the gunk in my sinuses comes back positive we might get me some kind of machine with which to take my antibiotics. apparently it's some kind of special aerator thingie, and it makes it so the antibiotics are ONLY present in your sinuses instead of in your whole body.

which, I think, is kind of awesome because I really, really don't like using antibiotics but when it comes to my nose, I know that if it's bad enough I've gotta. so I REALLY like the idea of concentrating it to just the area that it's actually needed instead of giving my whole body a dose.

today, as I sat in my doctor's office I also couldn't help but think how VERY awesome it is that he is actually quite anti-medicine. I mean, he kept saying things like "we want to keep the drugs out of your system" and "we need to give you as few medicines as possible." I think this is probably because when I was starting my sublingual allergy therapy (aka allergy drops underneath my tongue instead of shots) and he told me it usually took people 3-5 years to complete their therapy I said "um....what happens when/if I get pregnant during this timeframe?"

but back to that elite patient thing--we joked about how maybe I should get a certificate. or a plaque. because I've been seeing him for five and a half years. because I've had two sinus surgeries and I'm a regular enough patient that the people there KNOW me. not as well as my sushi lady, but well enough. and because now we get to play a "guessing game" instead of do the normal treatment.

'cause I'm doing all of the things they've told me to, and all of the things I know, and it just ain't cutting the mustard.

on the plus side, though? I am SO, SO, SOSOSOSOSOSO much better off, sinus wise, than I was 5 years ago. The kind of congestion I have now is a cake walk compared to what used to happen. So I think I am definitely on the right track. And I might get a certificate out of the deal. ;)

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

playing catcher is a dirty job. this is from my softball game two weeks ago. you can't fully tell, but I am COVERED in dirt. I mean--check out my ankles, huh? and, chec out what's stacked up behind me in front of that red shelf! yep, it's boulevard wheat that Steve and Harvey brought me when they came to visit :)

we have another game tonight. I hope it doesn't get rained out.

also, the weekend before this picture was taken my friends katie and taylor got engaged and taylor made sure there was a photographer there to capture it! that'd be me, of course! so here's a few from that, too! and a picture of the brunch-goers in the morning, too :)

Monday, July 12, 2010

on saturday night, while celebrating the engagement of my fabulous friends taylor and katie, I had a moment of that awesome combined feeling of anger and being ashamed.

you know the one. where someone calls you out on something, or says something that is totally uncalled for but is clearly them judging you, and it makes you feel/look bad? yeah, that.

this time it was one of the "friends" who is a professional photographer. (and clearly, I'm not meaning nicole!) we were on our way to a second bar and she was, quite literally, standing at the entrance to the outdoor patio/alley and yelling "BOOOOO! BOOOOO!"

I was kind of waiting for her to jump into the "rubbish, filth, slime, muck" part. So I walked away and left her booing at me.

oh, and by the by, she was booing at me for two reasons. 1. I did not have my 7D in my purse. 2. I own a point and shoot. And when I said "Um, I own a point and shoot because it's handy and because I don't always want to carry around $3k in camera equipment." She started booing. Oh, and did I mention her nice camera that she'd just used to shoot a wedding wasn't in her purse, either--it was in her car?

yeah. so, we have a history, and her comment was quite upsetting. so as Matt and I are walking down the stairs I'm saying to him "can we stop before we go inside? I just need to complain about this for like 10 seconds and get it out of my system."

and then a crazy thing happened--a girl who was by herself and going up those stairs stopped and said--"me too. so tell me about it. and I'll tell you." so I DID. and she said "well, that's pretty awful of her, but...why do you even care what she thinks?" and I said, "well, it was totally rude and ridiculous, but you have a really good point there." she told me how her recent-ex-boyf was out on the town and flirting with the gals and it was like he was doing it to annoy her 'cause he saw she was there. and I told her that he's an ass and she can do better if that's how he's going to behave.

whew!

also, not 15 minutes later, the Boo-er and her husband were sent home, in a cab, because they were both really crazy drunk. turns out she'd been drinking wine at the wedding for like three hours, and then turned to martinis at the bar when she met us.

this all felt a lot less like an attack when it became evident that she was superdrunk.

and reminded me that I need to think a lot more about whose opinion I value. and whose I blow off. it's like how kristin was telling us this weekend about the hateful, horrible things students said to her during her first year of teaching. and how she would go home and cry her eyes out. but how by the end of the year she realized they weren't worth the tears and would just respond by telling them "nice. haven't heard that before." or "can't you come up with something original" or something else to just make it not matter.

anyway. all in all a weird experience.

picture from T&K's engagement soon. There was a surprise party and it was so much fun, awkward life-lesson moment notwithstanding. :)

Thursday, July 08, 2010

I do. I swear. But right now I kind of want to yell "screw you, stupid job!" and walk out the door. Or at least take a day off.

Yes, my honeymoon is coming up. And yes, I'll be able to take that week off, yessiree. But...

so, my days have been going a little something like this: get up later than I am supposed to. hurry in to work. work all day at a level that is far below my actual capacity--except I can't even come close to that capacity because I am so damn tired. head home after 9 or 10 hours, eat food, edit pictures, work on cleaning my house for Harvey's visit. Go to bed too late because I didn't even get home until 8pm.

repeat.

and the worst part is: when I, say, stayed up until 130 am on monday night cleaning up all of the damn ants that had invaded my kitchen, what I REALLY wanted to do is say "okay, work, I'll be in at noon." Or next week, when my brother Harvey and his dad Steve visit, what I really want to do is use my PTO.

except I can't. I mean, like, legally-speaking I could do so. But between my workaholic project lead and my I-don't-think-she-ever-sleeps lead at the place who contracted us, taking off work is pretty much not an option. and it frustrates the ever-living crap out of me.

and I hate it because I KNOW I am doing a sub-par job. And I KNOW I could do better. I am capable of much better. But I just don't CARE about it right now. Instead I'm just trying to trudge through it and get to the end of this craziness and then, hopefully, resume working a normal-ish schedule. One where I get to work earlier, work a full day and then go home. Take my salaried amount and roll out instead of working overtime every damn day.

(and for the record--I know lots of Chemical Engineers work 50-60+ hour weeks. but they get paid a bajillion dollars more a year than I do. or probably 1.5-2 times as much. one of the perks of my job is that I'm supposed to work a 40 hour week and be done with it. and that is why I am more than happy to get paid less than the ChEs who work their rears off every single week putting in lots of extra hours. I get why they do it, but it's not what I want to do. anyway.)

so now I am regretting things such as:-going out of town last weekend (though it was superfun)-being out of town this coming saturday night.-buying tickets to see RENT this evening-opting to watch 45 minutes of TV last night.-oversleeping (again) this morning-taking the time to type out this blog post.-etc.

please excuse my whining. I know I am lucky to have a job, and especially one that makes a difference and is important to me. And especially in this economy. But even though I am fortunate in those regards, I think it's fair to say that I am also in a pretty yucky situation. le sigh.

about me

i’m a chemical engineer, artist, kaydee, okie, environmentalist, optimist and word nerd. i rescue spiders from indoors, appreciate compliments, distrust people who aren’t at least a little stubborn, love to laugh and have a tendency to tell awfully punny jokes.