What would I do if I was pregnant? Well first I would support my friend @GILLY_ROYAL's new business venture and by some rope....

Just playin'.

Although I am pro-choice and I believe that each person should be allowed the right to decide their plan of action, I would keep the child if I got pregnant. No doubt about it. There are very few situations right now that I would consider aborting that child or giving it up for adoption.

My plans for the next 4 years do not involve a child. I have big goals and I cannot lie, having a child during this time would definitely stop, or at least slow down, progress in that regard. But I am a very emotional person. And I know that if I was supposed to abort or give up my child for adoption, it would haunt me throughout life, straight to Dubai (my dream vacation) and to my grave. I would never forget it and like so many things in the past, the pain would never go away.

With that said, there is no way in Satan's hell I am getting pregnant. People who don't have sex cannot get pregnant. We know this. I have sex pretty much as often as a blue moon appears...

You might think that's a simple thing but it's not. Most people lie to themselves but me, I always tell the truth. Maybe not to you, but inside I will always know the reason. And until each individual can do this, they will never be happy with who they are.

For many years I spent my life as the ridiculed 'fat girl' in high school. To top that all off, I turned to books and academic knowledge as my rescue, which made me the 'fat nerd girl'. Let's just say my high school years were horrible. As I grew, I started to discover myself. I realized I'm not 'beautiful' by Jamaican standards but if I spent all my time trying to become that person, I would only make myself miserable and in the end, they probably still wouldn't be satisfied anyway.

So from that day forward I decided to be completely honest with myself. I took an inventory of all my strengths and all my weaknesses. I registered my beautiful smile, my 'almost black', glossy eyes and my prominent regions among other things. I also registered that my weight and 'shape' (yes, I have shape -- square is a shape) may not be of acceptable standards by common folk. From my honest and philanthropic personality and my desire to excel and achieve to my occasional bitchy moods and low tolerance for stupidity, I took them all into consideration. And I accepted them. I told myself, 'This is the package you are working with and if you don't like something, then change it, but not for anyone else, for you'. And that is the concept I have stuck with to this day.

So when someone comments on how fat or rude I am, it doesn't shake me because I know this and I am comfortable with it. And if you ever hear me something about myself that you perceive is negative, it isn't because I have low self-esteem, it's because it's truth and I am one of the few people who can laugh at myself.

I hope my readers are understanding my views as they read this and hopefully they can draw something from it. People can't hurt you as easily if you know who you are and you are confident in your strengths and weaknesses. If you see something you don't like about yourself, change it. And if you alter your look or personality in any way, own it (cues Kartel's Michael 'Cakesoap" Jackson'). That way if someone, hypothetically (of course), calls you out on, say, your 'tramp stamp tattoo' (as it is dubbed in several English-speaking countries across the world), you will not have to get on the defensive and start an unnecessary war that could end with a potential stab-wound victim.

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to any real person, living or dead, in the above post is purely coincidental.

There you go with that underlining my correctly spelled words again....Grrr....

So if you follow my blog you will know this post is late. I have been delinquent for several reasons. First it was because I really couldn't think of any female group I particularly disliked so I had to think a bit about my 'least favourite'. When I analyzed a bit and remembered this one group that has always been a nagging pain in the back of my head, I wasn't sure I wanted to call them out. Why? Well, you'll see.

T-Boz, Chili and Left Eye (may her soul rest in peace), you irk my last nerve. This might come as a huge surprise to people who know me because I love and embrace diversity and being different. But when different is an act you have to put on and your not appearing on the big screen or Broadway, its a problem for me. I absolutely cannot be convinced that TLC is real. All I see is fake. Who walks around with a permanent patch (or whatever she fancies) on their eye? And T-Boz,you were doing that whole buzz cut thing well before Rihanna...but you don't even wanna get me started on Rihanna.

Basically, I just think they try too hard to be different. If you are different, it will naturally shine through. They completely changed their look and act in every scene (what they called a song, I call a scene. No, not a movie scene, a crime scene) and it confuses me and scares me all at the same time. I am not easily spooked by creativity but they did it.

Also, I noticed a lot of people jumped on the TLC bandwagon after Left Eye passed. I ain't even got words for you punk-ass, wagon-jumpin', crowd-following, don't-have-a-thought-of-your-own bitches. Oh wait, apparently I did. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying she wasn't talented or she didn't deserve the respect but everybody seemed to care about TLC after the fact.

Regardless of my ranting, I did state that I don't completely hate TLC, they are just not my preferred cup of tea. I will never forget growing up listening to these TLC songs. I especially loved "Waterfalls" and I still remember my prepubescent years when I was still figuring out that songs had actual words that made sense for lyrics singing "Don't cry Jason Waterfalls, *hmmmmm* mirrors in the lakes that you're used to"...

PS. My apologies for not having the official video for 'Scrubs" but I couldn't find the original.

Wonder why this damn computer have a red line under 'favourite' doh? It nuh know seh a Jamaica mi come from and a 'Queen's English' mi talk? Cho! Anyways....

Don't even have to give a long intro on this one, their music speaks for itself. Basically, they are an British black female pop group. The rapper in the group (Alesha Dixon) is, in my opinion, amazingly unique, different and refreshing so ya'll know she's a Jamaican right? Well, she has Jamaican roots. And Su-Elise, she's so hot in that Toni Braxton sorta way. I was turned on to them many years ago with their fairly well-known track 'Scandalous' found its way to a couple US charts. One day I remembered the song and You-Tubed (yeah, thats a word) the song and discovered several other tracks by them and groups that sound similar (you can find that playlist here). So without further ado, I bring you MIS-TEEQ

I loved you. I still love you. I don't think I will ever stop loving you. But you, you broke my heart and I don't think you even cared. You were too busy caring for someone else.

The night we met, it was...something...at first sight. I knew I liked you from the first words you uttered. When you sat beside me I felt like the earth was moving. You held my hand and I almost died. Even our friends knew that something was up.

Its funny; I never saw you once before that night yet I saw you twice a day after that. Totally unplanned encountered that brightened even my worst days. When I found out we were linked in a circle as small as it was, my heart literally skipped several beats. When I found out you wanted me as much as I wanted you, I died a euphoric death.

The relationship that ensued was filled with passion and excitement. I have never felt so alive. You were the best part of my day. Since I was mature enough to know what a relationship was until now, you are the only one that ever successfully managed to pull me from my lifetime aspirations long enough to put real effort into 'us'. My days, my mind and my body became filled with you. Every inhibition out the door. We explored fantasies and built dreams together. My strengths became yours and yours, mine. I thought you were the best thing that ever happened to me.

I still think you were the best thing that ever happened to me. It was you that taught me there is more to life than books. It was you that made me explore my 'wild' side. It was you that taught me I had enough strength and dedication to balance school, work and a relationship successfully. While we were together. But when we broke apart, it was you that made me find the strength to move on. It was you that made me realize that there is no company greater than my own. It was you that made me find it in my heart to forgive someone that truly hurt me. It was you that made me realize that true love never dies, but it can be ignored.

When I found out that your love would never be mine because it belonged someone else, I was devastated. A part of me still believed that you would realize I was the one for you, not her. But you never did. Instead you decided to stick with what you knew, with familiarity, because I was too much of a risk. I was forced to walk away. But it was not easy. Sleepless night and restless days, constant thoughts of you plagued my mind. My vision was blurred, sounds were muffled and I was numb from the thought of losing you. Then I found my strength and I pushed through.

I've been single since you left me. No one has yet penetrated the tower of strength erected around my heart. I'm not ready to experience another you. I'm not ready to give myself to someone and think that they are all mine, only to find out its not true. It is because of you, because of the bond we shared and lost, why I now think that the only person I can truly trust is myself.

Because I trusted you with all my heart and I loved you completely. Ours was a relationship that was hard and fast and in a whirlwind of time it was over. Crashed like a wave on the shore; you broke my heart.

But I forgive you. Even though I have not yet found the strength to completely love someone and let them in, I do not hold it against. Instead, I wish you all the happiness in the world, even if its not with me. Everyone deserves someone and I hope that you've found her. I hope that one day I'll find him.

I would never be with you again. Even if the opportunity presents itself. I never turn back the hands of time. What is done is done and I must move forward. But I love you and you still cross my mind every now and then. And I really, truly hope that you are happily in love. Because at least one of us deserves to be.

Okay so I’m loving this one. Anyone who knows me, knows that my very best friend in the whole wide world is....that right....Erica Peta-Gaye Stephenson(She is going to kill me for this!)I love that girl to death. She has been called my best friend. My girlfriend. My wife. The bench to my rear region. Anything you wanna call her, she is the woman in my life. No questions asked. This is why...I met Erica on the first day of community college (coincidentally, that’s the same day I met K. (see Herpes post below)). We sat next to each other and from that day, we have been practically inseparable. Although her views sometimes differed from mine, we were always honest with each other and that was what made our friendship develop so strong. One special event though made the friendship take a huge leap from ‘classmates who hung out’ to ‘best friends for life’.One day something bad happened. And she had to leave. She had to leave on the day that a huge event was being held and we had planned for it forever. And she never showed up. And I didn’t know why. Fast forward to the next morning when she called. Told me she was gone. And she didn’t know when she’d be coming back. She wasn’t supposed to call. Her parents told her no. But she called anyway. She took a risk so she could call me. How could I not rate that?As the time passed by, she kept in contact as much as she could. Then she started attending university directly so I knew I would see her in a few years but community college wouldn’t be the same without her. One day she showed up at school during a class and I literally jumped over desks to get to her. I’ll never forget that day. My best friend was back. Well, she was visiting. But it felt like she was back.We went to university afterwards and our friendly circle expanded. Now, that circle has been reduced. But the one constant that has always been present was me and Erica. Too many people think of ours as a love story. And you know what, it is. But we’re no lesbians though (I can hear the male groans). I know four years is not enough to think you know someone but I swear to you, I know her. And she knows me better than I know myself.The experiences we have shared from the laughing our asses off to the tears we wept to the unsharables, we have pretty much gone through it all and gone through it together. I will love you forever, my best friend.

I absolutely hate this challenge. I’ve been thinking about it ever since I discovered the Blog Challenge and it drives me into deep depression when I think about what I would write. I started about five articles and closed them. Then I decided, maybe I should write a poem. My words always flow easier when I write poetry and with the fact that I have to make it rhyme, is becomes more of a grammar and wording issue, rather than one about my ‘love’ complex, or lack thereof. I soon found out that I couldn’t do that either.I love. I have loved. And many have claimed to love me in return. But the way I feel about someone has almost never been reciprocated, except if you count my mother and father, and they shouldn’t count because they had very little choice in the matter. My two most important external relationships where I can say I have truly loved someone deeply are my ex and my best friend. Both will be addressed in another blog post to come.To prevent you from further boredom, I will instead present to you with what I feel love should be in an ideal world:Love is:- Waking me up to the feeling of a tongue in my pussy because you know how much I like surprises- Cooking me my favourite breakfast in bed so we can enjoy it together but packing it to go because you know I’m late for work- Dropping me at work when you are late for work because my car won’t start- Hugging me and giving me a peck on the cheek when we part, even if we are upset because you never know if there’s a possibility you won’t see me again- Sending chocolates/roses/a gift to my workplace just because it’s Tuesday- Showing up at work during my lunch hour unexpectedly, locking the door and giving me a quickie bent over my desk because that’s all you could think about since you left me at work this morning.- Going home early to cook dinner for me (and the kids)/stopping on the way home to get dinner because you know I had a stressful and when I get home I’ll be tired- Saying something silly when we argue so I’ll start laughing and give in- Picking out an outfit you want me to wear to work the next day (on your own volition) because you think I’ll look good in it- Massaging my temples so I can relax and fall asleep, without asking for sex because you know I had a rough day- Watching me until my eyes close because the only way you sleep is when you know I’m safe and secure in Dreamland- Hugging me when you sense that I’m having a bad dream because...you just know- Me doing all these things for you in return, that’s love.

Are you kidding me? I love me. I love everything about me. In my eyes, I am amazing and 99.999% perfect (attribute the 0.001% to the fact that I can't say Battiatus without uncontrollable giggling - me and my crass, gutter-resident mind). *end of blog post*

Just kidding. I admit I'm not perfect. Nowhere near. But I have spent many years doing a self-analysis of my personal traits, characteristics and beliefs and made every effort to change the ones I am not comfortable with. So far, I think I've done an amazing job. I have changed and rearranged and come up with a mixture of elements I am proud to call Stacy-Ann. But there are still a few technical glitches that are hard to control, the worst of which being...

My missing tact. I swear, when tact was being handed out in Fetusland, I was at the back of the line. By the time they got to me it was done. And I had to be born before they could make anymore. That is my only explanation to my complete inability to relay information with any form of 'niceness'. I could care less about how it's going to make you feel. Everyone deserves to know the truth and I speak it clearly. But apparently there is a problem with that.

The reason I'm highlighting it here is not because I think it's a completely bad trait to have. I prefer it any day over being able to be 'nice'. Nice people tend to be hypocrites; you know, the 'smile in your face while watching someone stab you in you back' type. But I highlight it because my tact absenteeism along with my temper which flares occasionally can be considered lethal. Assault with a deadly weapon lethal. Put your neck below the blade and watch it come down guillotine-type lethal. You get the picture.

But like every negative thing in my life, I always spin this into a positive. You can always guarantee that Stacy will tell you the truth. Honesty is my best policy. Unless it is a situation of life or death, or it is completely none of my business or your concern, you will know that I have no reason to lie. This is the foundation my relationships are built upon. My friends trust that I will never make them walk on the street looking like crap and my boyfriend (well, past) knows that I would rather end the relationship than cheat.

No one really knows about this but I have this super ultra oh-my-god crush on this girl. She lives in my complex and works with me so I basically see her everyday. This female is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen and she has a personality just like mine so I know we'd click instantly. I'll admit, sometimes I catch myself staring at her for a long time...in the mirror. But hey *snap* back to the real world.

Two-month crushes, two-week crushes, two-day crushes are all in my vocab. But I haven't felt that way about someone in a while. There is no one that I wake up or go to sleep thinking about or spend every waking hour constantly wondering what he is doing and is he thinking of me. Yes, there are several guys in the picture that I kinda like or they kinda like me but none that really stands out in my mind. Except this one guy...

We met about 9 months ago and it was the cutest intro. I was standing at the railing on the second floor of the building at school and he was on the ground floor. I was talking to someone on the phone (maybe a little too loudly) and then I had to go so I said, 'I'll have to call you later' and hung up. About to make another pressing call, I hear a voice from, 'What can I do to get you to call me too?' Corny, yes, admittedly so, but there is something I rate about a guy who does that. He has balls. That's a very vulnerable thing to do on my school campus. Had I rejected him and the people around him heard, the consequences on his already bruised ego would have been severe. Him doing that showed me he's willing to take charge and put himself out there. I loved that. I'm a sucker for guys who will hand over the reigns.

So when I responded, 'I don't know, you tell me', a mini convo ensued. Bear in mind, this is nighttime, I wear glasses and we are on two different floors. It wasn't until he decided to come upstairs that I realized just how cute this boy is. Then I nearly melted. The crush started there and went on for a while. Then came summer...

He decided to do that work abroad programme and he insisted that we put off our obviously pending relationship until he came back. Needless to say, I was livid. You are going to make me wait? Negro, I do not wait. Regardless, I made an agreement, if by the time he return I'm still single, then I would consider. But only consider, no guarantees.

Well he's been back for a while and I have consistently delayed the 'relationship' we are supposed to be having. I do like him and he treats me well but...I just feel like I'm going to ruin a good thing. I've held out on this guy for a relationship and sex for 9 months now. He has made it clear that he wants a relationship and he's willing to wait but he won't wait forever.

Me? I'm too busy enjoying single life and all its 'no-ties' perks. But what if...

I am an emotional being. Extremely emotional. As such, I cry way more than I should. Partially because sometimes I just can't help myself and partially because I learnt from a very young age that crying gets me what I want. My parents used to call me a con artist for being able to call on tears in one quick second and getting my own way.

So with that said, there are three main songs that bring me to tears. What? They only ask for one? So what, this is MY BLOG, I can do what I wanna! *tears* Huh? You'll allow me to put up three?! Okay, thanks! *smile* - See what I mean.

Without further ado ladies and gentlemen:

A Fine Frenzy- Almost Lover

'...You sang me Spanish lullabies, the sweetest sadness in your eyes, clever trick...''...I cannot go to the ocean, I cannot drive the street, I cannot wake up in the morning without you on my mind. But so you're gone and I'm haunted and I bet you are just fine. Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?'

Chantal Kreviazuk - Feels Like Home

'...If you knew how lonely my life has been, and how long I've been so alone. And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along, and change my life the way you've done. It feels like home to me....'

112 & Allure - All Cried Out

'...Don't you know my tears will burn the pillow, set this place on fire cuz I'm tired of your lies...''...My body never knew such pleasure, my heart never knew such pain...''...(I'm so sorry) Apology not accepted, admit to the broken hearts you collected. I gave you all of me, how was I to know, you would weaken so easily...'

The Strange Individual

I am a University graduate who just entered into the world of work. I have crazy thoughts and a twisted lifestyle. Everyone claims my life should be a book so since I can't remember every episode of everyday and they can't all fit in one book, I figure it might be more beneficial to do this. Here goes...