Thursday, April 08, 2010

The new face of Labour: More responsive, more emotional and more expressive.

The Labour Party have announced that Prime Minister Gordon Brown is to withdraw from the campaign trail' with immediate effect, according to senior sources.

The announcement was made by Labour's eminence grise campaign manager Lord Mandelson at this morning's Election press conference, and follows two days of campaigning on the streets of Britain by the PM.

Lord Mandelson said, "Given the enormous success of Gordon's first two days on the street, where he proved conclusively that every single voter in the UK is going to vote Labour, Gordon will return to No. 10, where he will get on with the important business of running the country while using other means to spread his vital message."

Sources have confirmed that the Prime Minister's place on the hustings will be taken by a specially-purchased 'Robosapien', pre-programmed with six key phrases including, "we will secure the recovery", "we are listening to people", "the Conservatives will put the recovery at risk", and, "I'm not mad, honest."

Reports that the Robosapien will be fitted with a specially-designed wonky jaw remain unconfirmed.

Commentators and candidates across the political spectrum have welcomed the announcement that the PM is withdrawing from campaigning, with Labour candidates especially pleased, as none of them were using his lugubrious mug on their campaign literature anyway. One Labour candidate said, "it is good news for us that Gordon will be using this new method to spread his message. And anyway, this robot can't be any less responsive than Gordon himself."

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