Message 27

Poor Caspar, frightened, gallops home,All flecked with acrid sweat and foam,Scared of Tom's vile Ready-Meals,And Freddies "gripping with his heels". I'd just like to say, Carrick, to me that was the funniest of a very amusing collection. I laughed so much I had to urgently avail myself of a WC.

Message 44

January brings the groutOld men get their tile tools outFebruary's time to launchYour lunch across the room of courseIn March the celeb lambkins trySkips and leaps to catch your eye.In April when they've scraped the barrelI reckon truth will out re Daryl.In May with listening figures dire'Tis time to light a funeral pyre.In June bypass disaster loomsAnother outing for doom tunes.

That's half the year, what with recessionI'm off to Wales with deep depression..............

Message 45

A plum job for the reformed ClarrieAwaits in Brian's space-age dairyHow marvellous to have some sportWhen Jenny finds herself caught shortAnd compromised with runny tummyFinds a new best friend in a compost dunny.

Message 49

Joe, was you thinkin' of Nigel 'on the tiles' ? I'd love to be able to say yes, but at the time it didn't occur to me! I was just thinking about Joe 'n' Bert - then thought of the dire "stags & hens" episode (surely a contender for the all-time worst).

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