Here’s a fun activity: go to your ‘Following’ list on Twitter and check the first few accounts you followed. Yes, it’s kind of embarrassing. Twitter, long, long ago, was a platform that gave you unhindered stalking rights to follow the actor, actress, sports star or musician that you have been obsessed over the most . But how long will you survive on the love , peace and ‘we-party-with the other stars posts ‘ . If you have the rub of the green , you may get the golden retweet . So, what is it that has kept you glued to twitter in these times as well ? Apart from the satisfaction of being an audience to squabbles, the Twitter jokes play a big role in making you stick around Twitter. On any given day, the people who brighten up your Twitter timeline – quite literally – are not the PR dominated handles of stars. It is that meme about Modi or that joke about Rahul Gandhi. One has shared them, used them as ice-breakers in dates and generally binged on them on the most boring of workdays, but what does it take to come up with witty one-liners or masterfully structured jokes that are sure to go viral? Here goes some gyaan !

You know how your ‘mind-voice’ sings sometimes? Mine has a particular fondness for the worst of Bollywood music .So, one December evening back in 2015, my mindvoice was singing Rabba mere rabba rabba. Incessantly. That’s when I realized that Kareena was earnestly summoning rabba only to ask him a rhetorical question. I was just feeling a tad bit sad for rabba and hence the tweet.

2. Dorkstar.

‘Aur bata’ is like the CPR attempted on a dying conversation.

— dorku (@Dorkstar)

Have always hated talking on the phone. Specially small talk and those catch up talks with old friends who only call up on birthdays or so. And ‘Aur bata’ is just the most annoying filler that is used to continue a conversation which is not going anywhere. It’s like I want this conversation to die but the other person revives it by giving CPR. So the tweet just came from there

3. AksharPathak.

[Flipkart notifications]

Your order has been placed
Your order’s been processed
Abhi seller tape lagaega
Delivery boy is wearing shoes now

— Akshar (@AksharPathak)

I order things online a lot. I love it. It’s like sending a gift to yourself. . They remind you the whereabouts of it with 45000 messages.

4. Sagarcasm.

Watching such close t20 matches with your parents is a test of your tongue.#IndvsBan

— Sagarcasm (@sagarcasm)

During my college days, I stayed away from home. I always saw cricket matches with friends and cursing at such times was common. Using curse words help in expressing one’s emotions better with the adrenaline pumping . Now that I am back home, staying with my parents, controlling my tongue while watching very close matches is a huge challenge.

On twitter , it happens many times that you become a ping pong ball in a conversation between two people. They will not untag you and yet continue conversing. This scene of Veeru asking Basanti to not to dance in front of Gabbar is just that, Basanti being the ping pong ball here.

I have heard many people , girls especially , ending everything they speak with a ‘ya’. Let’s go yaa, aye come on ya etc. So one fine day I was listening to this O ya ya song and was able to link the two things, and it turned out to be a perfect fit.

6. Sarcusstic.

What if Laxman Shivramakrishnan turns out to be an atheist?

— V (@Sarcusstic)

One day I heard Laxman Shivramakrishnan screaming “oh my god what a brilliant shot” and It occured to me “what if this dude is an atheist”. That would be like bizarre.

7. floydimus.

It’s sad how the death of one earpiece of your headphones leaves the other to a life of neglect & uselessness for no fault of its own.

— amrtsh (@floydimus)

It was the monsoon season in Mumbai , had to literally swim home . Somehow made it there , opened the laptop to view the lates GOT episode to find that only earpiece of the earphones was functioning :/

Non smokers look down on smokers. Smokers look down on paan masala chewers. Masala chewers don’t look at all & spit on shoes of non smokers.

— mrdl (@Psilosophy)

Very annoying experience at the sutta hangout .

8. pranavsapra.

Haldiram’s: get the slip from there.
Me: okay
Haldiram’s: make the payment there.
Me: okay
Haldiram’s: get your order there
Me: apron dede

— Pranav (@pranavsapra)

Around Diwali, Haldiram’s behaves like a government department. I think, the only thing they do is take the money from you at the cash counter and make you wait with a slip that you can’t eat. This tweet was my outrage when hungry.

I learnt optimism from my mom.

Mom: how was your exam?
Me: Bekaar
Mom: Bohot Bekaar Ke thoda Bekaar?

— Pranav (@pranavsapra)

9. PunsNProses.

A curious Chihuahua is called as a Kyahuahua.

— not chin2 (@PunsNProses)

10. ABVan.

Katrina , in the Bang Bang title song reminded me of Marvan Atapattu trying to make sense of life while Jayasuriya goes berserk in the vicinity

— ABVan (@ABVan)

Watching Hrithik dance is a real treat .

11. Creepowoman.

whenever i look at women under 30 in a saree, i get exhausted just thinking of the number of selfies they must have taken that day

— Crapo (@Creepowoman)

Wedding shenanigans . A woman dressed up to attend a friend’s or relatives marriage function and you’re already pressed for time . Good luck getting there

me- so friendzoning be like texting with a “dude” or ” buddy” address to someone , who is maybe romantically interested in you

uber driver- pls ask my salary like everybody else

— Crapo (@Creepowoman)

Almost every guy, Indian or otherwise, whines about being “friendzoned” and every other person on twitter seems to be super interested in wanting to “make sense” or rationalize why an uber driver is an uber driver, and whether the driver has an amusing life story behind his choice to become one. Just blending the two in 😛

12. supaarwoman.

An Indian wedding reception must be the happiest day of vanilla ice cream’s life.

— §μpaar (@supaarwoman)

Vanilla ice cream is the #foreveralone flavour of ice cream, except during Indian weddings where it’s the only flavour that is served at the buffet.

Arijit Singh’s songs are so romantic that you miss your lover even if you never had a lover.

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This is not an official L&T(Larsen & Toubro Ltd.) publication. The content published herein are views and opinions expressed by individuals in their personal capacity only and does not reflect that of the management of Larsen & Toubro Limited or its subsidiaries. This is solely an initiative of few individuals.