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29 October, 2014

Recently,
Alexandra of Mancrates Gifts for Men
contacted your friendly ol’ Unimonster.
Mancrates is a site that specializes in manly gifts for manly men (so, of course they came to me, natch)—no
frou-frou wrapping paper or frilly bows … the lucky recipient of a Man Crate
gets just that, a crate and a crowbar.
The crate comes packed with a chosen assortment of everything a man
could wish for—well, almost everything.
From video games, to barware featuring your favorite team’s logo, to
enough beef jerky to carry you through any movie marathon or from the earliest
pre-game show on Sunday morning through to Chris Collinsworth’s final words
fifteen hours later, mancrates.com will box it up and ship it out. And the question that Alexandra and mancrates
wished to pose to the Unimonster was, “If you could have us crate up a kit to
help you survive in a horror film, what would it contain?”

Most
horror fans, when posed this question, would think ‘zombie apocalypse’ and
start assembling weapons, ammo … and giant, economy sized cans of pudding. Personally, I’m going to go in another
direction. I already have weapons and
ammo, and I’m not all that crazy about pudding.
What I am crazy about is classic horror—vampires and werewolves, mummies
and monsters, ghosts and ghouls. And few
have done classic horror as well as Hammer Films. Beginning in 1957, this British studio
resurrected classic horror from the depths to which it had plunged following World
War 2, making it ‘cool’ again for a generation of movie goers.

Yvonne Furneaux-- The Mummy

Yvonne Monlaur-- The Brides of Dracula

Yvonne Romain-- Curse of the Werewolf, Night Creatures

And
that’s the horror film into which I’d place myself. One of the great, period horrors of the late
1950s, when Hammer was at it’s peak, artistically speaking. There are several reasons for my
selection. First, no one’s starving in a
Hammer film. In fact, the vampires
usually do one the courtesy of a sumptuous meal before the fangs come out and
they get down to business. Second, while
I’ve never been accused of being a fashion plate, I do like to bathe and change
my clothes more than once a year. And
lastly, we have the lovely ladies of Hammer Horror. Now, if I have to fight my way through hordes
of undead walkers, then Carol and Michonne are my picks. But for sheer good looks, give me Hammer’s
three Yvonnes—Yvonne Monlaur, Yvonne Furneaux, and Yvonne Romain.

So
now that that’s decided, I need to pack for the trip. The first thing mancrates will be putting in
that box is some holy water. I’m not
talking about some tiny little vial—I want a gallon jug, preferably blessed by
both Popes. And a Hudson sprayer. Throw in a box of crucifixes … the more the
merrier. Why Peter Cushing could never
bother with packing more than one has always baffled me. A little foresight and he wouldn’t have had
to improvise with a pair of candlesticks.
Besides, vampires, at least in Hammer’s take on the species, tend to
travel in packs. Two more items to take
care of the vampire set—a good, heavy mallet and a brace of stakes. Maybe eighteen or twenty in a quiver would be
nice.

Now,
compared to vampires, werewolves are relatively easy to kill, if one knows the
secret of how to do it. Silver bullets;
a box of fifty should be sufficient. But
not just any cartridge will suffice. I’d
like to keep things as period authentic as possible. So let’s start with a handgun that’s quintessentially
Victorian, with a bit of a ‘Steampunk’ vibe, the Webley Mk. I, chambered for
the .455 cartridge.

One
last item needs to be taken care of, and then mancrates can nail my crate shut,
cover it in duct tape, and ship it out.
As Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, and a host of their fellows
demonstrated time and again, one simply does not battle monsters unless one is
suitably attired; at least, not if one is a gentleman. I’m not sure how a tweed jacket or white tie
and tails helps a person kill monsters … but why take a chance?

05 October, 2014

As
long time readers of these pages will attest, I love conventions. The chance to gather with your fellows, to
bask in an environment so fully given over to something that’s so much a part
of who you are, whatever that might be, is regenerative and exhilarating. Even the Unimonster can tire of Horror, and
even the Unimonster occasionally needs to be reminded of why this genre has
held him enthralled for a lifetime.
Nothing does that like a convention, and rubbing shoulders with those
who share that love.

For
several years now, the HorrorHound Weekend has visited Indianapolis’ eastside,
haunting the Marriott East hotel the first weekend in September, making it the
perfect lead-in to the fall season, and the beginning of the extended
bacchanalia that is the celebration of Halloween in the Crypt. For most of that time, I’ve been attending
the convention, and have happily watched it grow into a major event on the
calendars of central Indiana Horror fans.
As usual, this year I and the Crypt’s devoted photographer (and
Uni-sister) Cathy Willis arrived early, but not so bright, at the
soon-to-be-jammed venue, secured our parking spot, and walked next door for
what has become a pre-convention tradition for us, breakfast at the Lincoln
Square restaurant.

Normally,
this doesn’t warrant mentioning, as in the past the food has been
enjoyable. Not great, not spectacular,
but good, well-prepared, and filling; just what’s needed to fuel us up for a
busy day. This time it was not. In fact, both Cathy and I found the food to
be so disappointing as to merit special attention here. I hope that this was just an aberration, and
next year it will return to its previous level of satisfactory service. Unfortunately, the staff of the Unimonster’s
Crypt will probably remain ignorant of the answer, as our pre-convention
breakfast will in all likelihood shift to the nearby Bob Evans.

Once
we’ve checked in and gotten our credentials in order, my first priority is
connecting with old friends who I only get to see at conventions. This year, I was lucky enough to run into
Count Gore De Vol practically upon walking in the door. The Count is an old friend, and a reunion
with him is always the highlight of a convention.

Another
familiar face was Tom Sullivan, the Special Effects wizard behind the original Evil Dead. One of the first interviews I conducted as
the Unimonster was with Sullivan, at the 2004 Horrorfind convention in
Baltimore, and it was a pleasure to reconnect with him here in Indy. It was also a pleasure to introduce Cathy to
him, as together we were able to convince her that The Evil Dead is a movie that she should see—hopefully sooner
rather than later.

The
next old friend of the Crypt that we encountered was artist Chris Kuchta (The Monsters in Monotone: The Horror Art of
Chris Kuchta—28 February 2009). I’ve
been a fan of Chris’ artwork for years now, ever since I interviewed him for
the Crypt, and that art has only gotten better.
I’m no more an art critic than I was then, but I know what I like, and I
like Chris’ art!

After renewing old acquaintances, the next item
on my agenda was touring the HMA-Mask Fest exhibits. The HMA, or Halloween Mask Association, has
been an integral part of HorrorHound Indy for several years now, and for me,
one of the highlights of the convention.
For someone whose childhood was spent fixated on the ads for Don Post’s
iconic creature masks in the back of Famous
Monsters magazine, it’s like letting a chocoholic into the Hershey’s
factory. The artists and craftsmen who
make up the HMA never fail to disappoint me with their creativity and
imagination, and this year was no exception.

The
Mask room holds far more than just masks, however. Dark arts and crafts of all types are on
display here, and one of the first tables we stopped at belonged to Evil
Pumpkins [http://evilpumpkins.com/],
owned by a Tennessee couple, Tanya and Jeano Roid. Dealing in handmade jewelry, sculptures, and
other curios, they specialize in, fittingly enough, evil little pumpkins. Pumpkin necklaces, pumpkin pins, pumpkin magnets
… and my favorite, pumpkins in graveyards.
Their pumpkins have a unique look, a blend of the comical and the
macabre, kind of like Scooby-Doo with rabies.
However you describe them, they work for me.

Their
most interesting product, however, is their ‘Evil Dead Dirt’, dirt taken from
the former site of the cabin used for the filming of Sam Raimi’s 1982 classic The Evil Dead. Such tangible connections to history, whether
of the cinema or real world, have always held great significance to me. I once owned a chunk of the Berlin Wall, and
one of my most prized possessions is a working speaker from a Drive-In
Theater. A vial of soil taken from the
filming location of one of my favorite movies would be a prized addition to my
collection, and to many of yours, as well.
Check out their site, listed above, which will direct you to both their
Etsy storefront, and their Facebook page.

Another
young artist deserving of your attention is John Lanouette, owner and creative
force behind Enchanted Sculptures [http://www.enchantedsculptures.com/]. What made his display stand out from the
hordes of gore-covered zombies, slashers, and demons surrounding it was the
fun, almost whimsical nature of his work.
Rows of foam rubber anthropomorphic candy corn, friendly gargoyles, and
smiling vegetables ready for harvest evoke memories of a simpler, more innocent
Halloween, and while those memories may be very distant for the Unimonster,
they’re still capable of summoning a smile or two.

Eventually,
we made our way to the main exhibit hall, containing the dealers’ room. As always, this room was the center of most
of the activity, and the location of most of the people attending the
convention. For many of the attendees,
this was the convention, the place where they could mingle with the stars,
check out new merchandise, or track down that long-sought collectible.

One
negative that must be mentioned is the poor level of customer service provided
by the convention volunteers. While it’s
understandably difficult dealing with the large crowds that attend horror
conventions, those who represent those conventions need to remember that their
attitudes and action will define how the experience is remembered by those that
they are there to serve.

That
issue aside, however, I, as always, left the convention feeling refreshed and
renewed, and fired up for the Halloween season to come. Ready for another year of bringing you the
best … and the worst … in the world of Horror, Science-Fiction, and Fantasy
entertainment.

(The Unimonster’s Crypt wishes to thank
Nathan Hanneman and the staff of HorrorHound for their kind assistance and
hospitality.)

In
the early spring of 1939, National Publications, publisher of such popular
Comic Book titles as Adventure, Action,
More Fun, and the publisher’s flagship title (from which it would someday take its corporate name), Detective Comics, had a rather happy
problem on its hands. The first costumed
superhero, Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster’s Superman, had debuted a year before
in the premiere issue of Action Comics,
and the success enjoyed by the last son of Krypton meant the company was
looking to strike four-color gold again.
They issued a notice to their in-house writers and artists—come up with
ideas for the next costumed “mystery-man.”

First appearance of Batman, Detective Comics 27, May 1939

Bob
Kane, an artist then working on several strips for National, including “Oscar
the Gumshoe,” appearing in issues of Detective,
had a hero concept that he had roughed out, a cross between matinee idol Douglas
Fairbanks and a mix of such literary figures as the Scarlet Pimpernel and
Zorro. His original sketch of the
character featured a masked man, in a red and blue costume, without gloves, and
with rigid bat wings. He showed the
sketch to Bill Finger, a colleague of his who was the ghostwriter for some of
Kane’s strips. Finger made a couple of
suggestions … a cowl instead of a mask, gloves to avoid fingerprints, ditch the
red in favor of dark blues and grays to blend into the darkness, and a cape
with scallops instead of the batwings.

With
Finger writing the story, and Kane’s art, National had their, “next big thing,”
and the Bat-Man debuted in the May 1939 issue of Detective Comics, number 27, in “The Case of the Chemical Syndicate.” Six pages, fifty-five panels of art and text,
and from that would emerge what is arguably the greatest superhero creation
ever, second only to Superman. This
year, Batman turns seventy-five, and both DC Comics and its fans have been
celebrating enthusiastically.

Batman,
in his earliest incarnation, was a vigilante, wanted by the law even as he
battled the criminals they couldn't catch.
While millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne hob-nobbed with Gotham City’s police
commissioner Gordon, his alter ego, Batman, used gossip from Gordon as
intelligence in his war on crime. These
early adventures of the Caped Crusader are some of the best in the Batman’s
canon, with Batman at his most basic, without the gadgets and devices that
would come later. There was no
Batmobile; Batman arrived on the scene in Wayne’s powerful roadster. There was no bat-signal or bat-phone; no
batcave, Alfred, or even Robin. There
was just Batman, and his unrelenting, unceasing war against the evil that
robbed him of his parents and his childhood.

Soon,
he would be joined in his crusade by a young boy who, like Bruce Wayne twenty
years before, watched the murder of his parents. Dick Grayson would become Bruce Wayne’s ward,
and, as Robin, the Boy Wonder, fight alongside his mentor against the criminals
of Gotham City. The character would
evolve throughout the forties and fifties, from the caped vigilante of his
early adventures, to a globetrotting law enforcement agent, to a superhero who
regularly traveled to both other worlds and other times. By the early 1960s, Batman had become a campy
caricature of himself, more often battling aliens or medieval monsters than common
criminals.

It
was during this period that his ‘rogue’s gallery’ was at its peak. These costumed supervillains, each with their
own trademarked style and shtick, became one of the most recognizable features
of Batman’s comic book adventures, and an integral part of the 1960s television
series. The Penguin, the Riddler,
Two-Face, Clayface … and dozens more, including the two who would become the
most important, and enduring, members of that gallery, the Catwoman and the
Joker.

Selina
Kyle, aka the Catwoman, first
appeared in Batman 1, spring
1940. At first, she was a society jewel
thief who called herself the Cat, robbing the wealthy passengers on an ocean
liner. Soon however, she had changed her
name, and by her third appearance had become the first costumed villainess in
comic book history. She was unique in
her relationship with the Caped Crusader, a thief but never a killer; a criminal
who was Batman’s most serious romantic interest.

The
Joker also made his debut in Batman 1,
and with his sadistic sense of humor, psychopathic eagerness to kill, and
insane gimmicks, he rapidly became Batman’s most persistent, and dangerous,
foe. Though he too became campier into
the 1950s and ‘60s, beginning in 1956 there was a transformation in the DC
creative offices that would eventually see a renaissance in the character of
Batman, and in his world.

When
DC’s Silver age began in the 1950’s (for
Batman, it began with Detective Comics
236, October, 1956), the Golden age superheroes—Superman, Batman, Flash,
Green Lantern—were reinvented for contemporary readers. Then Editor Julius Schwartz conceived of one
of the defining concepts of comic book history, the DC Multiverse.

The
Golden age superheroes were revealed to have existed in a parallel universe, on
an Earth now known as Earth-2. Their
modern incarnations lived on Earth-1. We,
the fans and readers, exist on Earth-Prime.
And these were only three of the universes available for the writers and
artists at DC to play with. Eventually,
we would see heroes from Earth-3, Earth-S (the
Captain Marvel family of superheroes, formerly published by Fawcett and
acquired by DC in the ‘70s), and Earth-X (home tothe Freedom Fighters,
likewise a recent acquisition of DC’s, who were a group of heroes originally
published by Quality).

While
initially there was little difference between the Golden and Silver Age
versions of DC’s big three—Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman, as time passed
the divergence became greater and greater.
In the late 1960s, the popularity of the TV series had boosted sales of
Batman’s titles to near-record levels, with the circulation of Detective Comics approaching 900,000
copies a month. Elements from the series
began to infiltrate the ‘real world’ of the comic books, most notably the high
camp of the series. Though the books had
been bordering on silly for more than twenty years, the publisher pushed
Schwartz to bring the books more in line with the series—and the long time fans
weren’t pleased at the results.

Another
change that’s usually, but incorrectly, credited to the television show is the
introduction of Commissioner Gordon’s daughter Barbara as the new Batgirl. While Yvonne Craig’s debut as Barbara Gordon
on the third season premiere got more attention, the character was actually
introduced in Detective Comics 359,
January, 1967—more than ten months prior to her TV debut.

When
the series was cancelled after the 1967-68 season ended, the circulation
numbers, booming due to the exposure of the series, fell off sharply. Editorially, the decision was made to make
the character more relevant and relatable, to bring Batman into the ‘age of
Aquarius.’ One of the first stories to
reflect this new direction was “The Cry of the Night is—Sudden Death!” in Detective Comics 387, May, 1969. This was the thirtieth anniversary of
Batman’s first appearance, and for the occasion writer Mike Friedrich updated
the first Batman story, “The Case of the Chemical Syndicate,” transforming it
into a topical, thought-provoking exploration of the generation gap that was so
large an issue with the teen demographic DC was aiming to capture.

However,
it took a new creative team to take Batman back to his roots. The new lead writer on Batman, Denny O’Neil, spent
time in the DC archives, trying to recapture the original feel of the
character, the intent that Kane and Finger had when they created him. He wanted to bring Batman back to that
darkness that was so much a part of the character in the beginning, to restore
him to the Darknight Detective he was conceived to be. To give the reinvented hero form, DC enlisted
the services of a popular new artist—Neal Adams. Adams, then working on a pair of humor books
for DC, was eager to work on Batman, but had been rebuffed when he had originally
asked Schwartz for the assignment. He
went to Murray Boltinoff, the editor of The
Brave and the Bold, the Batman team-up mag, and was given a cover assignment;
issue number 75 featuring Batman and the Spectre. This led to more covers, and soon he was
drawing the backup feature in Detective,
the Elongated Man. From there, he soon
became the feature artist on the Caped Crusader. It was his art, and that of colleagues Irv
Novick, Dick Giordano, and Jim Aparo that came to define Batman in the 1970s.

The
decade of the ‘70s saw greater change in the character than ever before. Dick Grayson was packed off to college, Wayne
Manor was closed up, and Bruce Wayne relocated to the penthouse of the Wayne
Foundation building in the heart of Gotham City—along with the Batcave. The character grew darker as time passed—no
mean feat, as Batman was already one of DC’s darkest superheroes. He gained his most complex and, with the
exception of the Joker, deadliest foe in a creation of O’Neil and Adams’, the
League of Assassins and Ra’s al Ghul.
Ra’s, and his daughter Talia, would figure into some of the most pivotal
story arcs of the decade, and would feature prominently in the “Dark Knight” trilogy
of films of the 2000s, directed by Christopher Nolan More characters were introduced, characters
that added depth and dimension to our hero.
The Batman that began the ‘80s bore little resemblance to the one that
began the ‘70s.

The
1980s were a traumatic decade, for Batman in particular and DC Comics in
general. By the middle of the decade,
things weren’t going so well for the venerable publisher. It’s primary competition, Stan Lee’s Marvel
Comics Group, was growing in popularity—often at the expense of DC. Marvel’s superheroes were perceived as being
edgier, more adult, and simply put, more cool, than DC’s heroes. As the fiftieth anniversary of DC Comics
approached, it was readily apparent to the editorial staff at DC that something
drastic was needed to revitalize the brand.
That something would be the single most transformative event to occur in
comics since Action Comics 1—the Crisis on Infinite Earths.

Conceived
by writer Marv Wolfman and artist George Perez, the Crisis was intended to
“clean up” the convoluted, often confusing character continuities that had
arisen since the birth of the ‘Multiverse’ in Flash 123. They felt that
the Multiverse had outlived its usefulness, and should be eliminated. But how to do that without eliminating all
the characters that exist because of that Multiverse?

Simple—you
don’t. A list was made of all the characters
that had a place in the new, revamped DC Universe. Everyone else was to be eliminated. The Crisis touched nearly every DC
publication, and changed every continuity.
For all of 1985, fans were riveted to the series, as earths died,
universes perished, and heroes fell.
Some were minor heroes, characters whose place in the DC universe had
ended long before the Crisis began, such as Lori Lemaris and Prince Ra-Man. Some, while popular, simply had no place in
the streamlined universe, characters like the Huntress, the daughter of
Earth-2’s Batman and Catwoman. While she
had been without a regular home since the Justice Society had ended it’s run in
Adventure Comics in December, 1979,
her subsequent appearances as a back-up feature in issues of Wonder Woman had boosted her popularity
to the point that there had been talk of her getting her own book. But the realigned universe held no place for
Helena Wayne, the adult daughter of Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle, only a few
years older than she.

And
then there were the deaths that would shake the foundations of the DC universe
to that point. Two in particular would
shock fans and have repercussions that would echo through the post-Crisis
universe—the Flash, aka Barry Allen, the hero whose creation had launched the
Silver Age at DC Comics, and Kara Zor-El, the cousin of Superman who came to
Earth as Supergirl. The Flash’s life had
been in a decline since the murder of his wife Iris at the hands of Professor
Zoom in Flash 275 (July, 1979), and the story arc involving
his trial for Zoom’s death as he tried to recapture him led up to the
cancellation of his comic book with issue 350.
Supergirl, who had been a favorite DC character since her introduction
in Action Comics 252 (May, 1959), was
the most surprising casualty of the Crisis, eliminated due to the decision to
once more return Superman to his status as the sole survivor of Krypton’s
destruction.

Following
the Crisis, every DC character was reinvented, and the Caped Crusader was no
different. Batman became, instead of a
character that existed in the darkness, a character within which darkness
existed. A character scarred and crippled
emotionally, driven by the compulsion to strike back at the tragedy that robbed
him of his parents. And the man
responsible for this transformation was the greatest comic book creator of the
modern era, Frank Miller.

Miller,
whose career began with some uncredited work at Western Publishing’s Gold Key
imprint (after a recommendation from Neal Adams), was coming off a successful
run at Marvel, where he had revitalized Daredevil, and created the character of
Elektra. In 1986, DC published Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns, a four-issue
mini-series that would come to define Batman for a generation, and serve as
inspiration, to a greater or lesser degree, for all the live-action Batman
films produced in the ‘80s, ‘90s, and 2000s.

Set
in contemporary Gotham City, Miller’s Bruce Wayne was a tired, aging man,
retired from his life as Batman for more than a decade. As Commissioner Gordon, now seventy years of
age, is approaching retirement, the crime rate in Gotham is spiraling out of
control. A gang called the Mutants is
terrorizing Gotham, motivating the fifty-five year-old Wayne to take up cape
and cowl once again to defend his city. With
the ever-faithful Alfred, now in his eighties, and a new Robin, this time the
‘Girl’ Wonder, he resumes his war on crime, with unforeseen, and far-reaching,
effects.

Miller’s
dark vision of Batman would continue the following year, again in a four-issue
mini-series entitled Batman: Year One. Where The
Dark Knight Returns featured a Batman at the end of his career, using
technology to overcome his age and injuries, Year One took Batman back to his very beginning, with nothing but
his wits and training to depend on, fighting a corrupt police commissioner with
only District Attorney Harvey Dent on his side.
A young Lt. James Gordon, an honest cop in a sea of corruption, with a
pregnant wife at home, and partnered with a beautiful female detective, with
whom he becomes involved at work, is tasked with bringing in the masked
vigilante known as the Batman.

These
two story arcs created the Batman that modern audiences are familiar with, the
Batman, essentially, of the Christopher Nolan films. Those fans that began reading Batman comic
books since the Crisis easily recognize the character in the movies. Those of us who began our friendship with the
Caped Crusader in the ‘60s and ‘70s had more difficulty with reconciling the
Batman on the screen with the superhero of our childhoods.

My
association with Batman began at an early age, watching the TV series in its
first run. I was four when the series
ended, old enough to be a Bat-Fan, but still too young for the comic
books. That would quickly change, and by
the summer of 1969, my comic book collection had begun growing—or, I should
say, my first collection. I didn’t buy
the typical comic books a five-year-old might—the Disney books, or Bugs
Bunny. Nor was I buying superheroes
then, DC or Marvel. If there was one
thing that the five-year-old Unimonster had in common with his fifty-year-old
counterpart, it was a deep love of horror, and everything associated with it.

Born
about fifteen years too late for the “golden age” of E.C. Horror—Tales from the Crypt, Vault of Horror, Weird
Science—I nevertheless had excellent horror titles from which to choose. Gold Key had The Twilight Zone and Boris
Karloff Tales of Mystery, both titles guaranteed to get my attention. Another Gold Key that was a favorite of mine
was Ripley’s Believe it or Not, an
anthology of weird, supposedly true tales of mystery, horror, and suspense.

DC
wasn’t without its share of horror titles.
House of Mystery, House of
Secrets, The Witching Hour, The Unexpected, all found their way into my
stack of comic books. Soon I noticed
other DC titles, featuring characters I was familiar with already, and some
that I hadn’t seen before. Batman and
Superman, of course … but also the Flash, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, the
Atom, Hawkman. All caught my attention,
and my interest, but with comic books at 15¢ each, I wasn’t ready to say
goodbye to the horror books yet, and I couldn't afford both.

I
needed something to bridge the gap, something that touched both genres to pull
me into the world of superheroes. That
came when I was six, almost seven. The
December 1970 issue of Batman, number
227, hit the racks shortly before Halloween, and I had to buy it. The cover conveyed hints of a Batman with
whom I was unfamiliar, one that bore little relation to the Batman of the TV
series. As I read the story “The Demon
of Gothos Mansion,” that first impression was confirmed. This Batman was a creature of the night; a
frightening, vengeful fiend that hunted evildoers while cloaked in darkness. I was hooked.

And
I still am, nearly forty-five years later.
My first collection is long gone.
My second grew to over 2,000 comic books before it too vanished,
sacrificed piecemeal to the priorities of adulthood. Now I’m working on my third collection,
trying to recapture some of the comic books that I once owned. Or am I trying to recapture the youth that’s
as lost as those four-color memories?

Though my preferences usually run more
in the Classic vein of Horror, every so often I feel the need to inject a
little blood and gore into the mix.
Usually, I’ll pull out a Bava or Fulci film, or, depending on my mood,
one of De Ossorio’s Blind Dead
movies. The European “Lost Cannibal
Tribe” films of the ‘70’s are always good for plenty of blood & guts,
though they aren't for most tastes. For
more recent fare, there’s no shortage of filmmakers who tend towards the gorier
aspects of Horror. Takashi Miike,
director of the Japanese cult hit Ôdishon
—aka— Audition, has developed quite a
reputation as a director who pushes the boundaries with his films. The Spanish filmmaker Nacho Cerdà has
repeatedly blown through those boundaries, most notably with his short film Aftermath.

Domestically, the movies of Herschell
Gordon Lewis never fail to keep me entertained, even if calling them
“B-Pictures” is paying them an undue compliment. I’ve always had a soft spot for bad movies,
and H. G. Lewis would’ve given Ed Wood a run for his money in that
department. Romero’s Dead films are always an option for
gore, as are the films of Wes Craven, Tobe Hooper, and Clive Barker. Currently, directors such as Eli Roth and Rob
Zombie are keeping Hollywood’s
manufacturers of fake blood in clover.

Of course, we also have the teen
slasher films so popular in the ‘70’s, ‘80’s and ‘90’s … franchises such as Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm
Street, and the first and best of the Unstoppable Slasher movies, John
Carpenter’s Halloween.

Thought of today primarily for being
the film that introduced us to Jamie Lee Curtis, Halloween should instead be remembered for having given birth to
the uniquely American sub-genre of the standard slasher films, a curious
sub-genre that I refer to as the “Unstoppable Slasher” movies. Jason might have gotten the glory, and Freddy
the best lines, but Michael beat them both to the punch. And, in addition to being the first, he was
by far the best.

Horror Fans today, long since jaded by
multiple sequels, prequels, and even a cross-over, rightfully view each new
iteration of these masters of massacre as nothing more than the lowest form of
Horror, the cinematic equivalent of a Big Mac and fries… in truth, just more
evidence of Hollywood’s contempt for the loyal fans of Horror Films.

But that overlooks just how good …
just how influential, these films were when they premiered. Halloween
gave birth to a genre, and resurrected the Franchise concept that had been so
successful for both Universal and Hammer Films.
Fans today might decry the never-ending parade of sequels that these
films became, and not without reason.
But that fails to acknowledge that there is a reason that Halloween, and films like it, became
franchises in the first place: Because
the original movie was so damn good.

If Slasher films are the American
version of Italy’s
Giallos, then John Carpenter is the
American Bava. One of the best directors
in Horror today, as he has been since 1978, Carpenter has been responsible for
some of the greatest Genre films of the past thirty years. The Fog,
The Thing, Christine, The Prince of Darkness … all have served to
demonstrate the range and ability of Carpenter, and Halloween is, at least in my opinion, his masterwork. Though not as polished and professional in
appearance as his later films, the film’s raw, rough edge helped make it one of
the most effective Horror Films of all-time, and the best of the Slasher
genre. The minimalist plot; the silent,
emotionless killer; the teen-agers trapped in a peril they’re not even aware
of, and Loomis’ absolute conviction that his patient is the physical embodiment
of evil. All of these factors combine to
produce a truly suspenseful film—one that slowly builds into a frightening
climax while not depending on the cheap, throwaway shocks that would become the
hallmark of movies of this type.

This soon became one of the most
successful films of the ‘70’s, and was, for a long time, the top-grossing
Independent film of all time. Though it
gave rise to a series of sequels, none were helmed by anyone with a hint of
Carpenter’s talent, and the series declined rapidly.

A year and a half after the premiere
of Halloween, Friday the 13th made its debut. Directed by prolific producer Sean S.
Cunningham, and owing much to Halloween,
F13 was nevertheless a tremendously
good movie in it’s own right… not up to the quality of the former film, but
easily the best of a weak year for Horror.
The film was hugely successful, well beyond the anticipation of the
producers, and a string of sequels soon followed. Friday the
13th: Part II, released one year after the
first film, introduced us to Jason Voorhees, the champion of the Slasher
circuit, who’s still in business 25 years later. Yet another sequel is currently in
pre-production, with a 2007 release planned.

Four years after F13 began its domination of the sub-genre, Wes Craven gave us his
take on the theme with the wisecracking, knife-gloved,
ghost-of-a-psychopathic-pedophile Freddy Krueger, in Nightmare on Elm Street.

Craven, certainly the most
commercially successful of the great Horror directors that arose in the late
‘60’s-early ‘70’s, predictably took the Unstoppable Slasher movies in a new
direction with Freddy, and would resurrect the sub-genre 12 years later with
the innovative, and much-copied, Scream.

There were other attempts to create
similar horror franchises … the Candyman
movies, a doll named Chucky, even a Leprechaun and a Genie. Some of these movies were actually pretty
good. Most weren't. But none ever equaled Halloween—the night Michael came home for the first time.

Becky (Christina Bach) and Grant (Daniel Baldock), two young
rockabilly lovers, want to get hitched at an outdoor venue. Unbeknownst to them, earlier that same day,
two ‘Men in Black’ types from the Government ordered a local crop duster to
hose down the surrounding areas with an experimental mosquito spray to stop the
spread of West Nile Virus. Little did
anyone know that those two MIB types were unleashing something far more deadly
that the Virus!

Despite Becky’s mother, a waitress who gives hand-jobs for
extra cash behind the diner, and Grant’s mother, a rich-bitch type who tells
Grant he’s too good for the likes of that trashy Becky, these two love-birds
decide to go forward with the nuptials.
Surrounded by their best buds, beer and swarms of blood-sucking
mosquitoes, they pledge their trough.
Well, almost. As they get to the
“I do” part, a zombie attack is suddenly upon the gathered group! Will Becky and Grant escape the ghastly,
flesh-chomping hoards!?! And what about
their friends!?! Their families!?! Will they survive the … Rockabilly Zombie Weekend?!

Sound exciting?
Wellll ... it’s not as grim as I assumed it would be from the
title. Andy S. Montejo, who did the
cinematography, certainly knows his way around a camera and camera angles! And the acting, other than the two MIB types,
was certainly semi-professional. The
script, however, was shop-worn and included many stereotypical plot
points. Zombies invading a
hospital? Check! Grizzled old man showing the fleeing lovers
who has the most guns? Check! Loved one being torn apart and consumed? Check!
Military intervention?
Check!

However, the music by Killer
Moonshine was toe-tapping fun! And
the special effects, although heavily dependent on computer effects, was
stomach churning. Jaime Velez Soto
directs from a screenplay penned by Tammy Bennett. The aforementioned Christina Bach (Cassadaga), along with J. LaRose (Insidious), Michelle Elise (Vaudeville Comedy, Then and Now), Randy
Molnar (The Tenant) and Daniel
Baldock (Bigfoot and Other Adventures)
star.

Rockabilly Zombie
Weekend opened in Orlando Florida at the Plaza Cinema on Sunday, February
17, 2013. According to movie blog Sonic Electric “Originally slated for 2
theaters, demand was so great, a total of five theaters were needed to debut
the film. Actors in costume (military
uniform), escorted (evacuated), ticket-holders to their respective
theaters.” Rockabilly Zombie Weekend has been making its way around the
country, playing at midnight theater showings and, I imagine, a few remaining
drive-in theaters. It has been released
on DVD and can be purchased at the official web-site
[http://www.rockabillyzombieweekend.com/].
If you like classic cars, beehive hair-dos, hooker shoes, rockabilly
music, zombies and knocking back a few brews, then this just might the movie
for you!

I mentioned in Experiment 1 that I was a Mom of two
teenagers. Some of the best, MSTied
movies feature the teenager and B-movie genres.
It just so happens that this month’s feature, MST3K #809 I Was a Teenage
Werewolf fits both bills perfectly. Of
course, they are SUPPOSE to be teenagers in this film, but Hollywood has an
affinity for older actors playing high schoolers; ONE of which is playing our
monster. We have it all in this
movie. There is milk-throwing, raw meat
eating, a Halloween party, bad singing, a mad scientist, and yes … a werewolf. The fact that THIS particular lycanthrope is
portrayed by none other than TV icon, Michael Landon makes this movie
interesting for riffing on so many fronts.
There are Bonanza jokes, Little House on the Prairie jokes, and Highway
to Heaven jokes. There is even one riff dedicated
to a 1976 autobiographical movie Landon wrote and directed called The Loneliest
Runner.

I have to say that since re-watching this movie, the host
segments are some of the best of the series.
With a runtime of only 76 minutes, the host segments are a bit more
detailed and really show the comedic timing and writing talents of the
gang. So enjoy, as we take you through
the exploits of 1957’s I Was a Teenage Werewolf.

HOST SEGMENT 1:

The Bots want to overthrow Mike as Captain of the ship, but
they soon learn that none of them are capable of replacing him. Crow and Tom nominate Gypsy, but she has to
run the ship. Crow has a set of creepy
crawlers in the thing-maker … and well, Servo … is Servo. He has prepared a “statement” on WHY he
cannot be Captain. This is one of my
favorites, so read on, won’t we?

“…
I cannot be Captain, for you see dear friends, I am unfit to lead other
men into battle, into space, or in a line dance. I submit that if I picked my nose for a half
an hour, my head would cave in. I’m nary
to know betwixt shinola and that other stuff.
I cannot lead because I cannot find my ass with both hands and a
flashlight … I will now open the floor to questions about my accomplishments.”

Since Servo’s concession speech is over, Mike regains his
position as Captain. Servo mocks him as
only a conceding Bot can. Pearl, Brain
Guy, and Professor Bobo are on Earth (somewhere). They are camped out and Pearl has told Mike
she is putting the crew on battery back up, disconnecting them from their main
power source. This upsets Mike greatly …
“We’ll be without power???” And then,
what follows, is the BEST Pearl Forrester line ever:

“… You know what
else? You’ll be without diapers too, you
big, huge, giant babies!! DEAL WITH
IT!!”

Pearl packs up all the gear, and sends the guys a
movie. Soon, there’s a hull breach and
Servo comes back with a face hugger.

MOVIE SIGN!

During this film, there are many parodies of the Bonanza
theme song. The movie opens with our
lycanthropic protagonist, Tony, in a schoolyard fight. Soon we see Detective Donovan (Barney
Phillips). You may remember him from the
EXCELLENT Twilight Zone episode, Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up? He does what he can to calm Tony down, but he
doesn’t want to have any of it. You will
notice a high number of Richard Jewell jokes during this segment. Google him if you don’t remember what
happened at the ’96 Olympics. Anywho,
Donovan wants Tony to see a “doctor/shrink/mad scientist.” Tony disagrees and walks off with his girl. The next scene takes us home and his
Dad. Tony protests too much when Dad tries
to talk about his stubbornness. His Dad
leaves for work, chiding him NOT to eat his lamb chops raw like he did his
burgers. Tony has had enough of everyone
yapping at him all day and we see the whole premise of his demise see ….MILK
HURDLING!! (All the guys make kitty meow
sounds here) The scene switches to
Arlene’s house, where “Jabba the Husband” and the woman with “Aaron Burr’s
Hairstyle” live. They give the 50’s “talking”
to the Tony the boyfriend. Girlfriend
starts harping about the doctor again.

Now it is PARTY TIME…with vague “Kinda White” music,
innocuous pranks, great lines, and the running joke with safety dummy,
Resusi-Anne. “Ah...kids those
days!” (Crow)

HOST SEGMENT 2

Crow has a Proximity Detector to see how bad the alien life
forms are on the ship. They are all
OVER, problem is…..he had the wrong setting activated on the detector and was
measuring the humidity. They have LOTS
of humidity, by the way.

MOVIE SIGN

Back to the party…
“Elvis J. Pollard” is singing.
“We are now entering a genital-free zone.” (Servo)
The song is one of the worst ever, almost as bad as when Michael Landon
was on the TV show Hullaballoo (Google that if it is around…YIKES). After the song is over, the DUMB pranks
start. Mike: “The Carnival of Souls boyfriend.” One of the guys blows a horn in Tony’s ear …
and suddenly it’s “The Sock Hop of the Damned” (Mike). Tony slugs one of his friends and pushes down
his girlfriend. Servo laments, “I
thought it was alright if I picked a little fight, Bonanza?”

That little episode at the party lands our little
werewolf-to-be in the office of veteran B-movie actor, Whit Bissell (who was
actually in some really good films too).
Bissell’s character, Dr. Brandon also has a sidebar conscience (his
assistant played by Joseph Mell). Dr.
Brandon hypnotizes him, and he closes the session saying, “Soon…you’ll be
yourself.” “An angel, a cowboy, a
pioneer dad.” (Mike)

The kids have another gathering…but Tony is bumming. Frank (another kid) isn't pairing up with
anyone and will walk home alone.

Cut to Frank walking home ALONE. ”Ralph Fiennes IS Li’l Abner!” (Crow)
“I was a teenage werewolf snack.”
(Servo) We know Frank is TOAST he
just runs and falls and falls and runs…and well…this IS a predictable set-up in
a B-movie.

HOST SEGMENT 3

Servo hunts down face hugger and kills him. Did I mention he was heavily armed? He is going after the “beast” that has the
ship surrounded. Crow and Mike are
taking bets on how long it takes Servo to cry.
And he does cry ...singing…”Don’t Cry Out Loud,” “You’ll Never Walk
Alone,” and “(They’re Coming to) America.”

MOVIE SIGN

The movie returns and we find ourselves at the police
station, with Detective Donovan. Another
policeman walks in. This guy….NAMED GUY
Williams did not get a first billing, but he became known later playing TV’s
Zorro and Dr. John Robinson of Lost in Space.
Also, there is an introduction to Pepe, the janitor, at the police
station who wanted to look at the pictures.
Pepe knows right away, the death is caused by a werewolf. “You’re crazier than Dr. Smith!” (Servo)

Tony goes back for another session at Dr. Brandon’s. Tony is scared. “I found a leather jacket in my stool this
morning!” (Servo) Brandon keeps battling with his
assistant. Tony remains tense.

High school, high school and we have to see a girl in yucky
gym leotards. Tony talks to the
principal and he gets kudos from her. He
leaves and starts watching the gymnast.
“It’s alright if I kill a couple of kids, Bonanza!” (Crow)
He leaves the office and bells ring “Oops, he’s Johnny Depping.” (Mike)
He attacks her in front of many people then, the poor girl dies. “This is good, she caught him in the act and
she can rub his nose in it.”
(Servo) When the cops arrive, all
the kids finger Tony, but they can’t believe it. Even Dr. Brandon denies Tony could BE a
werewolf. Everyone gets a going over,
the Dad, the girlfriend, and Tony is still howling up and down the woods. “Just give him a Liv-a-snap.” (Servo)

HOST SEGMENT 4

The beast is laying GIANT alien eggs. The guys start making omelets and …well, Crow
starts designing the menu. “She’s not
around, which means she could be anywhere!”
(Servo) Suddenly Crow becomes a
restaurant critic.

MOVIE SIGN!

A search commences for Tony.
I’ll just list a series of riffs during this segment because there is no
real action to describe except for guys peering through things. “Try banging on his food dish, men.” (Mike)
“The Bernard Hermann score really heightens the tension.” (Servo)
“Looks like Paddington on a bender”
(Mike) “This werewolf is an
herbivore. Luckily, this guy’s name is
Herb.” (Crow) “Indiana Jones and his sidekick, Merle.” (Crow)
“Never let Jose Feliciano lead your search party.” (Mike)
“Sir, I think I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand.” (Mike)
“1943- An Ewok makes it behind German lines” (Servo)

Finally Tony changes back to Tony. He calls Arlene but cannot speak to her. The police want to know who called her; she
couldn't tell. “… I’ll check in with Huggy Bear.” (Servo)
Tony then returns to Dr. Brandon, who decides to put him under one more
time. “Dogs can sense bad acting.” (Servo)
Tony changes back into a wolf; this isn’t good for Whit Bissell. The cops FINALLY come in and look at the
debris field. “Wow, a werewolf that size
can really poop!” (Servo) They shoot to kill, guessing somewhere along
the line the silver bullet necessity has been covered. Tony is dead.
Whit Bissell is dead. All that is
left is for the police to cry over spilled werewolf.

The guys exit the theater and they soon see the alien has
taken over the ship. They have to
reverse the ship polarities to remove it.
This didn’t work, so they have to do the one thing they were saving that
would repulse the alien so much, it would have to leave. Mike became Adam Duritz of Counting
Crows. It worked. Once they regained control of the ship, we
see Pearl telling ghost stories around the campfire to Bobo and Brain Guy. She has them crying like little girls.

This movie is a howling good time. Seriously, it has EVERYTHING. I have seen it unriffed and riffed many, many
times and every time I laugh my butt off.
If you get the chance to see it, don’t miss it.

These following websites are invaluable for
information. Check them out, won’t we?

It should come as no surprise that in this era of zombie TV
programs that dominate the Nation’s sets, that the SyFy channel, in conjunction
with distributor The Asylum (Sharknado, Sharknado 2), would give viewers Z
Nation.

Z Nation has all the requirements of a zombie program in
that it does have zombies. Hoards of
fast moving zombies! And there’s no
shortage of carnage either! Heads
explode, torn limbs fly akimbo and 90% of the time the screen is fairly
dripping with blood. The violence is
ridiculously graphic. It strives to cram
into each episode as much gore and violence as possible even if that means it
has more guts than brains.

And, as usual, we have survivors trying to get one man,
Murphy (Keith Allen), whose blood might cure the hellish apocalypse from New
York to California. A nice bit of action
in that it will take lots of time for them to complete the trip and mean more
time for lots of action. However, what Z
Nation does not have is a cohesive script.
Plot points come up often but as just as often left to die on the
vine. The audience is left to figure out
why getting this one guy to the West Coast is humanity’s only hope after having
just having been told there is no cure.
Dialogue meant to be pithy instead seems instead cribbed from other bad
films. And the characters? The usual rag-tag group consisting of bikers,
madmen and phony messiahs, a couple of Zombieland-esque college-aged kids,
tough guys and tougher women all going mano-a-mano to show who has the biggest
“set.”

This is the show for viewers who abandoned The Walking Dead
after season 2 because all that talkin’ hurt their thinkers. However, there is one shining bit that saves
this and that is Citizen Z (DJ Qualls) who, as the last holdout Air Force grunt
at an abandoned North Pole Army base, acts as the survivor’s eye-in-the-sky
while spinning stacks of wax for their amusement.

Z Nation might do well to have a running banner across the
bottom of the screen reading “homage ... homage ... homage” as to not get sued
by AMC. Let’s look at the similarities:

1. Zombie infested prison?
Check!

2. Bus loads of zombie children? Check!

3. Possibly egomaniacal village leader? Check!

4. Desperate attempt to deliver the one person capable of
ending the apocalypse? Check!

5. Shooting a child to save the survivors? Check!

6. Cannibalism?
Check!

However, with a zombie baby in episode 1 “Puppies and
Kittens” (yes, the zombies are referred to as that!) and exploding oil tanks
filled with zombies in episode 2 “Fracking Zombies, the 13-week run should seem
short to those whose zombie needs are met with 2-dimensional FPS video game
accuracy. Z Nation is the best thing
that could have happened to The Walking Dead!
And that ain’t bad!