Thursday, September 15, 2005

Back to the Future

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Earth, 2150.

Associated Press-Reuters

PAKISTAN PRESIDENT CALLS FOR PEACEFUL SETTLEMENT OF ALL OUTSTANDING ISSUES WITH INDIA

Islamabad.

Pakistani President Gen. Asif Musharraf has said that all issues must be resolved peacefully and with mutual understanding. In a press conference here, he said that like the Kashmir and the Punjab problems, the Rajasthan and Gujarat problems must be solved in accordance with the principles of peace and harmony. Only then will relations return to normal. Meanwhile, he reiterated that, unless those “contentious issues” were sorted out, there is no question of granting MFN status to India. On being asked about allowing Bollywood movies to be screened in Pakistan, he chuckled, To hell with Pakistani cinema-halls. Let them turn bankrupt. Sadaf video is much cheaper.”

PRIME MINISTER TALKS TOUGH ABOUT BANGLADESHI TERRORISTS

New Delhi

A week after bomb blasts in Kolkata killed one, the prime minister said in Parliament that there will be no concessions towards terrorism. “We shall take appropriate measures to counter terrorism”.The opposition boycotted the session today amidst scenes of chaos and pandemonium. Meanwhile he briefed reporters outside Lok Sabha about an anti-terrorist pact signed with Tamil Eelam. “We stand united and committed against terrorism” ,he said .

WIPRO TAKES OVER MICROSOFT

Redmond, CA

American software major Wipro formally took over the worldwide operations of struggling Chinese software major Microsoft. This makes Wipro the world’s third largest software firm after Infosys and TCS.

Shares of Microsoft showed a bit of spurt on the BSE while Wipro’s shares dipped on fears of increased liabilities and debts.

JUNGLE FRIDAY WILL BE A HIT, SAYS PAMIR KHAN

Mumbai

After many delays, Pamir Khan’s much awaited movie “Jungle Friday- The Sinking” was finally released on Friday in Mumbai. Pamir Khan plays the role of a castaway who’s marooned on an island in the Pacific, after his ship sinks. Pamir had specially grown his armpit hair apart from a beard to portray a man kept away from civilization and a Gillette razor for years. When asked what his expectations from the movie were, he said, “Super Duper hit!”

GAO XINGCHUAN IS THE NEW INDIAN COACH

Kolkata

Chinese cricket legend Gao Xingchuan has been appointed as the new coach of the Indian Cricket team. Sources say he has signed a 10-trillion yuan contract with the BCCI.

In a press conference arranged at the Taj Bengal, he vowed to restore Indian cricket to its days of glory like in 1983, when India last won the World Cup. Xingchuan is known for Shaolin Cricket, a new style of play introduced when he was the captain of the Chinese team.