Monday, June 8, 2009

Vomit #20: Pittsburgh gone, Jim Shooter was right!

Pittsburgh was destroyed in a nuclear explosion of unknown origin at 7.53am this morning. But while most Americans have written this destruction off as ‘no big deal’, it has led to a surprising trend at the local comic store.

“Man, we just can’t sell these New Universe titles fast enough,” said James P. Hendrix, owner of Bag End Books in the neighboring city of Baltimore. “Before this morning, I was using them comics as kitty litter, and even then the shit wouldn’t stick.

“But after Pittsburgh collapsed into an apocalyptic hole, people are actually interested in these books again. Best thing that fucking town ever done.”

The horrible tragedy has lead to the loss of millions of innocent lives and horror of biblical proportions, but Hendrix said it would all be okay.

“See, there is this dude called the Star Brand, and if you buy all of these issues I’ve got back here, you can se how it all works out.”

Hendrix denied setting the bomb as a scheme to clear some awful comics that had been sitting in the back room for 20 years, but the Comics Vomit remains, as ever, unconvinced.