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Apologies for dropping off the radar, but it’s been a weird year. I read early on after discovering Anna, about purges; people purging their wardrobes trying not to be the girls they were. I decided I’d never do that.
And I haven’t, but the last year has been a virtual purge at the mental level. I guess that accompanies every ones purges, I just hadn’t realised it.
I did have a respite in August 2012. Jay got an awful thing in her legs. They tried antibiotics at home, and put dressings on the massive blisters. It still got worse, and her toes went black, so they put her in hospital, and it took ten days of a mixture of intravenous antibiotics to get it under control. The blisters had nearly got to the top of her thigh. It was awful. When ever I thought about it, for months afterwards, I burst into tears.
None of this stopped me having a really good girly time. I painted my toe nails, and it was so gorgeous seeing them all the time. I also washed all my girl clothes and got them nice again, and slept every night in a nightie. Fantastic. Wore my feminine clothes all the time in the house of course.
And then Jay came home – and the withdrawal feelings made me so sad too.

Valentine’s day fell during the birthday bash, and I didn’t realise that, until we left home. I thought about it, but thought, ‘What the heck, Jay probably hasn’t remembered either’ – wrong – ouch. The boys had got a valentine’s card for each other, Jay had got a valentine’s card for me. Jay had forgotten to write in it, (she thinks the one she wrote in was left behind by mistake). I suggested I could write in hers and give it back, but they all vetoed that idea – LoL.

Nails. Jay and I have a problem with cracking and crumbling nails, and I saw an advert for ‘Hard as Nails’, a varnish that strengthens them. I bought some, and applied it. The advert said shake gently and apply one coat, the bottle said shake well, and apply multiple coats. It was made by Sally Hansen. I’d been wearing the varnish for 24 hours before Jay noticed it, even though I’d told her I was going to try it out.

“It looks like nail varnish”, she accused me.

I guess I applied the coats too close together, as a lot of it fell off very quickly. I then decided to do my toe tails, and applied just one coat, and this before the holiday. Jay didn’t notice a thing. After two weeks, there wasn’t a blemish anywhere, so I’ve given them another coat. You can buy it in clear, as I did, or pink. I broke a thumb nail last week, so I painted the edges of the nail, and it smooths off all those annoying hooky bits that grab at your nylons. I filed the nail first, but filing doesn’t usually get rid of all the imperfections, so I’m pretty pleased with the stuff now.

Acceptance – maybe? it’s really tough when a partner gets all antagonistic over one’s femininity, (or anything else really), and in fact, any confrontation is hard to cope with, and I feel so much for Helen in that respect. But picture this; we are in Lidl’s, and we are looking at ski jumper things. They had blue and lilac, but we had missed the intro date, and so there were very few left. In fact, there was only one in my size, and that was blue.

Jay found them, and was looking through them for my size. She picked up quite a few, but they were the girl versions. I went through them as well, and I remarked, “The only other one’s left that are my size are women’s”.

“If you want them you’ll have to buy them yourself, I’m not buying them for you”, Jay said.

We walked away with the blue one, (they are so comfy, I forgive them for being Bob stuff), and I’m thinking that that is as close to an acceptance speech that I have ever heard. Mind you, I’m not going to push my luck – just yet, LoL.

This has been a fun week, with lots of blog to reads, ad some interesting topics. Tina’s ‘Honesty Hurts’ (Read it here ) threw up a lot of interesting comments, and all those adorable sights on the right of this blog have had interesting bits going on too. Both Tina and Susan have the skill at seeing the important bits behind your writings, and coming up with stuff I hadn’t thought of.

A bit of pressure from Jay this week though – complaints about my lack of leg hair, and that I’m making my nails too girlie. I’m going to show you my hands and nails. OK, I own up to getting them as girlie as possible, but at the moment I’m failing miserably – ‘cos’ they are nothing like girlie, and the physicality (a nice Strickly Dancing term) of them means they are NEVER going to be girlie. But I can live with that – not that I have any choice, do I , LoL.

The offending nails

Lipstick; I have been carrying on with the practising / experimenting of applying the stuff. I have three lipsticks, two are Rimmel ones, and a third unbranded. Number three leaves very little tell-tale signs on my drinking glass, the Rimmel ones are awful, in that they leave big lip shaped marks behind. So it’s not just technique, that helps cover your tracks, the darn things vary too. OK – I’m practicing, so I buy the cheapest, but I hadn’t realised how much they vary. I guess I’ll have to buy better and more expensive ones, and I still haven’t got my lip-liner yet – LoL.

I’m going to be out of net contact, for a few days, but with my new phone, at least I can read all your blogs as you write them. Interestingly, I can read blogs off the phone without raising Jay’s suspicions, (so far, LoL) whereas, when I’m on the computer, she suspects I’m up to no good as standard – LoL.

I mentioned in an earlier post that I was collecting the ‘Make-up Master Class’ pages from ‘You’ magazine in the Mail on Sunday. Before you say, ‘How could you read that awful paper’, and I know, their record on condemning minority groups rather than supporting them, puts the paper in a poor light, but we only get it for the crosswords and ‘You’ supplement – so that’s my excuse. The ‘Make-up master class’ is written by Jemma Kidd, and I hadn’t paid much attention to her as a person, but it appears she really is a well renowned make-up person.

I have probably got 70 or 90 issues of her master class, but in one of her recent lipstick articles, she explained how to put it on – and you thought t was so obvious didn’t you – but not to me. It appears I should have been applying more than one layer, and taking off the excess each time with a tissue. I’ve seen girls on the tele do this, and wondered why they were removing the stuff. It seems that layering builds up a firm and long lasting cover. Not only that, it actually looks better than the single smear I’ve been doing now. It’s brilliant. So thank you Jemma Kidd, you’re my heroine, or better still, a role model – should that be make-up model – LoL.

Do remember the hint I got about brown mascara? Well, I bought some yesterday. Actually, it appears that brown is short-hand for brown/black, or so the lady in Boots make-up area told me. She asked me what brand I wanted, and I said, ‘It doesn’t matter, I’m just practising at the moment’, and neither of us batted an eye-lash. Don’t ask me why I said it, but it’s probably that – I want to be normal in the girlie sense – and also the, ‘Why should I feel ashamed of who or what I am?’ syndrome. I do accuse myself of not ‘putting my money where my mouth’ is kind of thing, so it was nice actually to take a stand on it. There are lots of you, out there doing things in public, and I envy and admire you all, so this was my little bit.

Oh yes, the brown mascara that is really a brown shade of black – I was advised, if you remember, that I could wear it in bob mode, and to use it on the upper outer lashes only. I’m at home, with Jay, and we have my niece-in-law coming for lunch, and —- I’ve had it on all morning, without a hint of suspicion from my lovely Jay. Another triumph for girlie-hood I think. LoL.

‘Ok’, I thought, ‘lets put my wax strips where my mouth is’ – just figuratively of course. I did wonder, whether my big wax strips would be just as good, along the bikini line, as the little ‘ bikini line’ strips. So I put them to the test, and? I was wrong. The top of my thighs looked liked they had been kicked by a navvy – a thick line of bruises. The hair came away ok, but bon’t ask me why pulling hair off created such a mess, ‘cos I don’t know. I had to do some careful undressing for a while, so Jay didn’t spot the evidence – LoL.

We went to Kent for six days to see mum and various relations, and then onto Bristol. My son was having his graduation, his second one. He went through university many years ago, and graduated as an archeological preserver, but couldn’t get an archaeology type job, so he works in a call centre. His current employer paid for a Contact Centre Management degree, and it took three years; one afternoon a week off work, so that’s an eight hour day, four in the firms time, and four in his own time, plus all the homework etc. Lots of work, but he came away with a 2.1, so we are all pleased with that.

We didn’t go to the post ceremony party, as we all opted to do a bit of a family history hunt. We went to Berkeley, just outside Bristol, to see the house where my great granddad was born, and where he lived, before moving to Kent. We then went to see his mum and dads grave, in the local cemetery there, and it is such a pretty place, I wouldn’t mind being buried there myself – LoL. Not for a while I hope! The family worked at Berkeley Castle some of the time, but also had their own cooperage, brewery and sauces.

I had booked us into a guesthouse, on the outskirts of Bristol for two nights. I’d asked for a room with twin beds, thinking it would be cheaper than the doubles, but unfortunately, all the en suites were the same price. There was a surprise bonus for me though – it enabled me to sleep in my feminine underwear. I usually manage to underdress the last two days of a stay anywhere, but underdressing in bed – a sweet delight.

I’ve bought a brown eyeliner pencil, but I haven’t used it out yet. Every time I go out un-chaperoned, I take my lipstick, and put it on when I get to town. My eyeliner skills are so useless though, so at the moment I’m practising at home. It’s always a bit of a panic situation, as I never believe I’m going to get the stuff off cleanly, before reappearing downstairs en homme – LoL. It comes off a lot easier now that I’ve got the gen from Stacy, but it’s never a quick fix – or un-fix, LoL.

I’ve just read the instructions in my wax strip box, which tells me that I should cut the strips into small strips, before using them on the bikini line. They never remove 100% of hair, and I use each strip three to five times on the same area, to remove as much as possible. Reading other girls epilatory endeavours, leads me to think that no system is perfect.

I get lots of fun reading everyone’s blogs – not everyone on the net silly, LoL, just everyone I follow and hop through. I just adore all the differences we have, and the similarities with-in the differences – if you see what I mean. You all give me masses of fun, and more importantly, lots of hope.

Hoping for what – I’m not sure really – but probably that I can cope with the big discrepancy of what I’d like to be; like to have, and what I’ve got. There’s girls on Angels that have even less time and more hassles than me, so I’m not that badly off really. I’ve been going through a phase where I have hardly had any crossdressing time at all – not to be confused with underdressing and a little make-up, which I do all the time. But then yesterday, I had a very powerful need to crossdress, and do the whole transformation thing – not a good day for it though, so I got rather sulky and down about it all. Today? – everything is OK. Jay is heading for the hairdressers, which she hates, and I’m heading for my clothes cache. I just need to get the timing right – LoL.
So how did it go? Very nicely, but today it was weird, because I was like, androgenised, dressed in gear that both sexes wear, using Bob Togs, but feeling feminine, and looking fairly feminine too I think – (I hope!). I had a photo shoot, as you can see – more on Flickr – and enjoyed the short hour of illicitness – just so nice.

It’s now 4 days later, and Jay has been as grumpy as hell – that silent kind of grumpyness. I guessed she suspected I was going to play while she was out. But no, it’s a long boring story about how and why they got there, but I dropped a pair of bright blue frilly thongs, in the bedroom no less, and jay found them first. It took me a day and a half to realise they were missing, and then work out why Jay was silently grumpy. I am so a muppet. She did at least say that she still loves me. We so adore each other, but have this little mismatch that is Anna.

I read a story written by Girlscot, called Josh and Gail part 2. A conversation between two people, Josh coming out to Gail about being transgendered.

I’ve been rather remiss of late, barely scrapping enough time to keep up with every one’s posts. The iMac is so amazing for photos, and I’ve been loading up loads of family pics, from our old CDs, to see what they look like. Then we had visitors, and they were loads of fun – I might tell you if I get time – and we have got hooked on geocaching, so that’s another hobby to fill in the time. Being active keeps you young, they say.

You lovely girls have being doing a marvellous job, teaching me new things. Calie told me about trimming eyebrows. She said ‘I take a comb and put my eye brow through it. Then, I take a razor and shave everything that sticks through the comb. It’s a nice compromise and keeps them neat.’ I thought at the time, better be careful which comb you use, and imagined a pair of eye brows a millimetre thick. Guess what, I only had an aluminium comb to hand when I tried it first time, and a millimetre isn’t that bad – LoL – OK, 1 1/2 mil. As Calie said, it’s a nice compromise, and so far, no matter how thin I have them, it doesn’t raise the hackles of the eye brow police. Thanks Calie.

Same top and wig, new make up attempt

Stacy on Transliving International, read my diary there, and told be about removing make up. I’d written this:

I got some Anna time the other evening, and I decided to practice with the few items of make-up I have. Just my new wig, eyeliner and eye-shadow, and lippo – Oh my goodness, I hardly recognised myself. I took some pics with the iMac built in camera thing – but I’m too chicken to share them just yet – LoL. Then panic set in, when the stuff wouldn’t rub off straight away – LoL – even with the proper make-up remover.

After a bit of chat, where I mentioned I was using Rimmel, Stacy explained what to do. She said:

‘Ok you need to soak a cotton pad with remover, and with your eye closed, (do one at a time) place the pad on the eye and press in gently, after a minute or so then wipe the pad from the outer corner to the inner corner, then repeat and it should all come off.

Lipstick, blot with a tissue first, then you can use the eye make up remover here as well because lips are as delicate as the eyes. Once again place the pad on and leave, then wipe away.

Once this has been done, now is the time to take the make up remover and go over the face generally to take off the last dregs.

Then use your chosen wash method, before moisturising the skin.

Rimel do some great products, how ever they do not do any thing that will cover a beard, so really it is wasting money on concealers and foundations,when a light coverage of my derma product will cover all and last for ages.’

Well… I’ve had another go, and it does work. However, I spent a bit of time in front of the iMacs Photo Booth, and I’ve put some pics on my Flickr site. This was a first for me, using my site for self portraits. I feel ok about it today, and if I don’t get cold feet over them, I’ll try to do better next time. Anyway, back to the story, I only had the usual hour window to shower, do make up and dress, photos, undress, and remove make-up. I cut it very fine, so I was still in a rush. Stacy’s system works quite well, but it still isn’t instantaneous. I used pencil eye liner this time, but it’s still a dog to get of. I will just have to plan the whole affair with patience and timing – LoL.

Someone, ages ago now, well, last month perhaps, mentioned that Drag stood for Dressed as a Girl, and Drab stood for Dressed as a Boy, which was something I didn’t know. She was also asking whether we girls think of our boy clothes as drab, so thats drab drabs I guess. I started to leave a reply, and ran out of time – sort of had to cut and run. It was a few weeks before I got back home and caught up with every thing, and now I can’t find the post.

My take on some of her questions (here’s the answers, you get to guess the question).

It would be nice to wear my femme clothes all the time, rather than en homme, but Bob’s gear is as pretty as I can get. I only tend to buy Bob stuff when I have to, as I hate doing it, but when I do, it has got to be neat.

When Jay was in hospital having a new hip, I got a lot of time en Femme, and yes, I used to do everything, even the washing up, in my best clothes – in fact, virtually all my Anna stuff is best stuff. I know G-girls (genetic or genuine) don’t dress up to do chores, for this T-girl, if it’s the only chance in the day, (week – Lol), then I’m going to do it looking as nice as possible.

Bob has simple tastes, scruffy trainers, jeans and tops for gardening and jobs around the house. Second best trainers and jeans and tops for casual wear, and best trainers, best jeans and best tops for smart wear. Bob does have some casual sports/trouser things for a change, but not for best wear – LoL.