Roses are red, violets are blue

An FBI agent runs out of his office

An FBI agent runs out of his office and screams for 2 more agents in his office ASAP.

2 lower-ranking agents come running in.

He sits them down in front of 2 computers and says, "I need you to pretend to be developers on this GitHub repository."

These agents, not too high up in...

Job Opportunity for Flat Earthers

Because of the recent Arctic cold snap. Delta Airlines has been hiring de-icers in their Atlanta hub for the expected crowds at SuperBowl. Most of the jobs have been going to Flat Earthers, because by definition, they don't believe in *Global* Warming but are fine with Plane Warming.

Mr. Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat.

While he is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which he was keeping the lug nuts. The nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain.

He is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one o...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

During sex, I suddenly stopped and didn't move.

She was like, "What are you doing?" And I was like, "Hush, I saw this on PornHub, it's called Buffering:"

Edit: Wow, thank you people of reddit (- who still enjoy jokes without telling "omg, it's old."); (Jk, i love you all.) You are all beautiful.

Writing "no hookups" on Tinder is like

During sex, I suddenly stopped and didn't move.

She was like, "What are you doing?" And I was like, "Hush, I saw this on PornHub, it's called Buffering"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] Little Jonny's dad is called into the headmasters office for his sons misbehaviour. He arrives 10 minutes late.

"Sorry I'm late Mrs Deeny, I forgot to polish some nobs at work before leaving tonight. "

Mrs Deeny, looks up from her desk in disgust

"Yeah, I almost lost my job at the door knob factory last time I did that. To be fair they weren't too happy that I was walking around with my cock out...

Did you hear about the new Christmas restaurant downtown?

They have an eggs Benedict dish that they service on car hub caps - it’s called “there’s no plates like chrome for the hollandaise”

Credit to Colin Mochrie.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was standing just next to Aj1t Pa1 when he was using Tor Browser ...

I peeked at his PornHub account and his username was AJ1T_3.14Inches

Enrique Peña Nieto, Malala Yousafzai, and Donald Trump are walking along a beach

It's a bit of an oldie, and I think the last time I heard it, it came off as pretty racist. But I think the current political climate allows me to rehash it better.

Enrique Peña Nieto, who is the Mexican President, is walking along the beach one day with the US President, Donald Trump, and p...

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I wanted to upload the Mexico-Chile game to PornHub...

... but PornHub said they don't accept rape.

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I was just scrolling through my son's google history...

"Anal tips"

"Do I need a condom?"

"PornHub: guy shaking his arse"

"Wham! The full collection"

"Can men wear make up?"

I can't believe he listens to Wham! What a gay boy.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Roses are red, violets are blue...

I've got no girlfriend, so porn hub will do.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A drunk walks into the doctors office.

So this drunk goes to the doctor's office and says "Doc, I had a rough one last night. Got blackout drunk, broke into the Zoo and I think I got fucked by an elephant."

Doctor says, "why do you say that?" The drunk drops his pants and says, "well just look at my asshole" Doc can see it is stre...

The blinds store

So there's this store down the street called "Bailey's Blinds", and I can't help but wonder that it must be a front for some sort of illegal activity. Money laundering, perhaps? Or maybe it's an incognito hub for illicit products of some nature. I mean, how can a business possibly function for over ...