I wrote this short story one day and thouht id share it on here. i put in in the other forum but i feel ill recieve more feedback on here.
1.This is my first attempt.
2. please don't mind the errors
3. please write feed back or let me know what i can do to improve as a writer; parts you liked or didn't like.
4. please enjoy!!!(its a yamapi story)
5. its in the spoiler!!! once again please enjoy!!!

Spoiler Alert! Click to show or hide

A different Kind of Story
Miki sighed as she flipped the page to yet another script. “ I Love you, I’ve always loved you.” She rolled her eyes as she read the line aloud. This was the same roll once again. A young girl poor and confused is rescued by a rich handsome “prince.” She slammed the papers on the glass coffee table infront of her. Trying to break out into the business was no joke. It took five years to land her first commercial and now she was trying to move onto bigger and better things. she took a sip of her mango tea and looked around. “Not bad” she thought to herself. Her friend Kameko had recommended this little juice spot to her a month ago. Being bombarded with work, she was only getting to it now. She sat the beverage down and inhaled. A smile spread across her face as the aroma of oranges engulfed her nostrils. She didn’t understand how something as simple as the smell of oranges could have such an inpact.
The lights of the café dimmed as Miki finished up the last little bit of mango tea. She glanced at her watch. 8:00pm. She grabbed her belongings and headed out for the station. A cool spring breeze swept by as Miki hugged her jacket closer to her body. “maybe I should have called Kei-Kun for a ride” she thought as she grimaced at the now even colder air blowing by. She began to get nervous as she turned the corner. Something wasn’t right. She started moving faster increasing her pace. “ once I make it to the station I’ll be fine.” She told herself this to ease the growing nervousness in her stomach. She continued walking passing one street light after another. With the station in sight, her worries began to subside. Then something happened. As if out of nowhere a great rush it her. Her small frame flying into a wall. on the ground she tried to compose her thoughths. “whats happening?” a dark figure hovered over her. It was as if death himself had come to greet her. The figure grew closer to her body tearing at her clothes. the then white button up cotton top was now stained with dirt and ripped open revealing the white cami she had underneath. “I can’t believe this is happening.” “FIGHT BACK! .FIGHT BACK!” her brain screamed as she lay helpless. Everything was happening so fast. The dark figure griped a hold of her hair and yanked her head hack as if he was examining her face. “ SCREAM YOU IDIOT!” Miki took a gulp and screamed as loud as she could. “HELP ME PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!” she prayed that someone was in earshot and would come to her rescue. The attacker, angered by this action, threw back his arm as Miki looked on in horror. His fist landed on her face giving her and intense blow to the cheek. She was knocked out cold.
What seemed like hours must have only been minutes. Miki started to gain back conciousness. Her heart sank when she realized she was still in the same spot, clothes torn and sore face. She attempted to look around as she winced from the aches in her neck. She could then see that there was no longer one figure, but two. “This guy has a friend?” she thought to herself as tears began to surface. She continued to look on as realized they weren’t talking, but they were fighting. Someone actually heard her cries and came to save her. Her body started giving out again. Her eyes slowly started to close. she was out.

1 month later
“So you still don’t know who it was?” Kameko asked wide eyed. “Nope . When I woke up at the hospital they told me the guy left.” Miki said with a hint of disappointment. 1 month after the attack Miki was completely healed except for the scar on her left arm that required stitches. She was glad to get out the house but the ongoing questions from her friend were beginning to annoy her. The important thing was that the attacker was caught and she was still breathing. She knew her savior was out there somewhere.“ he didn’t leave a number or anything?” Kameko asked. “Nope.” Miki then took a sip of her Diet coke and looked at her watch. “Hey Kameko I gotta go we start shooting at 5.” After saying goodbye to her friend and gathering her belongings, she left and headed for the shoot location.

Miki examined herself in the mirror. Her usually subtle makeup was caked on. Her hair usually dark and straight , was now transformed into sequence of curls all over her head. “I just want to get this over with.” She hopped down off stool and began walking towards the door to her dressing room. As her hand went for the knob the door swung open. “ Miki are you done with makeup?” Miki’s manager Takimo was usually running around chatting on his cell phone and making rediculous demands. If he wasn’t good at his job he would have been fired a long time ago. she was shocked he actually came to check on her. “yes I’m done I was heading out to greet the rest of the cast.” “ Well, before you go I have someone I want to introduce you to.” Miki looked on as a man appeared from behind Takimo. She was instantly smitten. The thing she noticed first were his eyes. Dark and mysterious. They had a story to tell, but not just anyone could listen. He was tall and lean. His processed hair framed his face. Miki instantly began to feel insecure. Here is this man beautiful beyond belief and she was standing infront of him looking like a prostitute. “ This is Yamashita Tomohisa” he bowed “nice to meet you” his voice deep and rich like a fine chocolate. In response Miki bowed and greeted him as well. “ Yamashita-san is going to be filling in for Oguri. Aparently he was re-casted in Gokusen 4 and decided to take that job instead.” Miki stopped admiring Yamashita and talked to her manager. “What do you mean re-casted! I’ve only rehearsed with Oguri! We’ve been going over this for months.”
“ I know Miki but there’s nothing we can do. Yamashita –san is very talented. You two will be good together…oh one moment please.” Takimo stepped out to answer his phone. “ I’m sorry for the inconvience.” Yamashita said as he bowed. ‘oh no its fine” however bad she felt, the feeling wouldn’t last long. She was actually really excited to be working with such a man. “should we get started?” he asked. “ yes sure.”
They rehearsed their lines making sure to get the tone and the feel just right. Takimo was actually right this time. Yamashita was talented and a fast learner. Not to mention completely geougous. This movie was definanly going to be interesting.

“That’s a wrap!” the director shouted. Cheers and congratulations filled the set. Miki was utterly proud of herself. She never thought she would make it this far. A whole movie with her in it! she looked over at Yamashita who was smiling in delight. It was going to be his first hit too. They made eye contact and held the gaze. There was no doubt that there was obvious sexual tension between them. They had gotten pretty close over the past few months. Going out for coffee and eating lunch at the nearby park. He would sometimes slip and caress her arm or accidently rub his leg on hers. a smile spread on Yamashita’s face as he made his was over to her. “ good work” he said as he bowed. “good work” she said in response. He then leaned in to her ear as if telling her a secret. His breath was cool like a Hawaiian breeze. This gave Miki chills. “ Meet me on the roof in 5 five.” He leaned up and smiled at her. “She shook her head as if to confirm.”
On the roof Miki spotted Yamashita instantly, his hair blowing slightly in the wind. She walked over to him and stood beside him looking beyond the railing at the Tokyo scenery infront of them. The wind was intense making Miki shiver. Yamashita hesitant at first, then put is arm around her shoulder. She looked up at him and smiled. Her 5’6” fit perfectly with his 5’ 10”. No words were needed. just them being up there enjoying the night was enough. They sat in silence for what seemed like hours when Yamashita spoke up. “I want to tell you a story.” Miki looked up at him in amusement. “ About a month ago I was walking home from an audition when I saw a woman being assaulted. By the time I got there she was unconscious but I fought with the guy. I called the police and they took the woman to the hospital. I left to change my clothes and let my mom know I was okay, but by the time I got back to the hospital, the woman was gone.” Miki couldn’t believe it. her heart began to race as she started to speak. “Yamashita I….” “I know that woman was you.” He interrupted. “ I knew it the first time I saw you.” Miki could no longer compose herself. She started to cry. Yamashita pulled her towards him and wraped his body around hers. she couldn’t believe what was happening. this man saved her life and she was loving him more and more. She lifted her head up to look at him. He bought his thumbs to her face to wipe away her tears. She could no longer hold back. She leaned up and planted a tender kiss on his lips. She pulled away and embraced him once again. “ I love you, I’ve always loved you.” She chuckled to herself remembering how corny she thought those lines were when she read them in her script. But this was a different kind of story. a.N.g

it was nice but i think the progression in the last part wherein yamapi enters the scene was a bit hasty. you should have given in more details, i feel as if you hurried in writing it. i like the beginning it has a flow and the story there move smoothly.that's it over all, good job..

it was nice but i think the progression in the last part wherein yamapi enters the scene was a bit hasty. you should have given in more details, i feel as if you hurried in writing it. i like the beginning it has a flow and the story there move smoothly.that's it over all, good job..

thanks! and i thought that too. i didnt wanna write a long story and i was having trouble like finding a way to end it without seeming rushed. i'll keep that in mind next time!!! but yea i aree