15 Realities for a 20-something

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Let’s start by saying I don’t understand what the hell it means to be a twenty-something, nor do I know when someone technically qualifies for such category. Do you need to be out of college and living on said ramen-noodle-a-night budget? Or can it just be once you turn twenty and you’re navigating your way around the ever changing social life. For the sake of all things basic-bitch, lets make this an overview of all twenties. Whether you’re twenty or twenty-nine, I’m talking to you.

1.You don’t have to be Martha Stewart or practice being Martha Stewart in hopes of becoming a great housewife.Times are a-changing and being a housewife, is so last year. If you like food and don’t mind trying new things then cleaning some dishes, more power to you. If you are happier with take out Chinese or a bowl of cereal- you do you. Let’s be honest, can you really marry a guy that is anti-Chinese take-out? Hell no.

2.Don’t look for a husband nor hope for a relationship in every guy you fall across. You will find someone when you least expect it and everything will fall into place. Until that happens dance on bars, drink too much with your friends, travel and do anything and everything you want just because you can.

3.I realize Pinterest is the bible for most of us. Reality however, is this: You will never be a super fit, yogi, running-lover with an excellent diet who can make delicious, perfectly decorated cupcakes while being extremely fashion forward and own anything and everything from Barneys. And it’s okay.

4.You’re going to have bad days- and sometimes, you aren’t going to want to hear things could be worse. It won’t help because your day sucks and that’s all that matters.

5.Bitching about drama, causes more drama. No one feels bad for you and that’s a promise. Take everything you hear with a grain of salt. Even better; add a shot of tequila and a lime for good measure.

6. Research what you put into your damn body. Do you know what’s in that weight loss pill you have been popping every day? Oh you don’t and you feel sick sometimes? Crazy. Go to the gym.

7. Just because you fit into the category of basic bitch, doesn’t mean you’re not a person with your own beliefs. Hold that PSL (pumpkin spiced latte) high and proud. Screw your judgmental attitude, America.

8. Get away from the guy that makes you feel like shit about yourself. If you don’t learn to take care of yourself in your twenties then when will you. If you don’t love yourself first then no one else will.

9. Always take the extra drink. Calories don’t count when it’s alcohol. Take the drink.

10. It’s going to be a long freaking life if you’re not surrounded by people and places that make you happy. Travel where you want, follow your heart and the rest will fall into place.

11. Don’t do something you don’t like just to fit in. Coconut water? No one likes that shit. They just drink it to tell people they drink coconut water.

12. If you take truly incredible care of your body then good for you. Really, you deserve a gold star but no one on Instagram wants to see your kale. Your followers want to see chocolate cake, with vanilla ice cream and a million and six toppings. They then want to know where you ordered it so they can get their own.

13. Thigh gaps a stupid. Don’t talk about them.

14. Wear the heels. Wear them with a dress, wear them with jeans, wear them with shorts. Wear the heels, keep your head high and command a room.

15. Leggings can be cute but wearing them everyday isn’t okay. Buy jeans, wear them and feel good about yourself for a day. You deserve it.