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May 26, 2019May 26, 2019

Animal Ag Sues Hollywood for Using the Word “Horror”

The animal agriculture industry made several attempts to prevent plant-based food companies from using words like “milk” and “mayo” to describe their healthier, more humane, and environmentally sustainable counterparts. An attorney representing the animal ag industry announced today they’re suing Hollywood for using the word “horror” to describe movies.

“We believe the label ‘horror’ should only be used to describe what we do to farm animals,” said an industry spokesperson. “We think the American people will get confused and think that a horror movie is the same as what we do when in fact what we do is much worse. We routinely cut off animals’ genitals without painkillers. That’s horror.”

Charles Rivkin, CEO of the Motion Picture Association of America, released a statement in response to the suit. “People know the horror in a movie is fake, and the horror in the meat industry is real,” Rivkin said. “We’re not changing the name of an entire genre. The fact that so many people are turning to plant-based food is evidence enough that they’re aware of the horror in our food system.”

The animal ag industry has also hinted at laying claim to the words “nightmare,” “hell,” and “torture,” even threatening to go after the 1986 hit movie Ruthless People. “Bette Midler and Danny DeVito were not ruthless people,” the animal ag spokesperson said. “These are ruthless people!” he explained, as he held up photos of slaughterhouse workers debeaking live hens and locking pigs in cages so small they can’t turn around.

Iowa Representative Steve King said he would be excited to sponsor the bill. Beyond Meat stock soared 12% on the news.