America’s Next Top Model: All-star attitude

OMG, y’all. America’s Next Top Model All-Stars? It’s seriously like Tyra Banks crawled inside my head and took notes. I just smized. Hard.

I vote every reality show does this. American Idol? Can you imagine? Sanjaya back on your TV screen! (OK, bad example.)

These select girls have been brought back because they have been deemed “fan favorites” and to show they have “star quality.” In Tyra-speak, that means “make good TV, cry profusely and get into fights.”

OMG Angelea! 716! RAWR Classy ghetto, y’all.

OMG Laura, y’all! SO CUTE.

OMG Bianca! Weave, girl. Weave.

OMG Lisa! Loved her.

OMG Bre! GRANOLA BAR. And she didn’t tell roomie and bestie Bianca she was going to be there? RUDE.

The girls dash to claim their beds. Brittany and Lisa together in a room? Wrongness. But so right.

TEAM ISIS! Celeste Canino/ Pottle Productions, Inc.

Mr. Jay shows up and lets the girls know they’ll be shot RIGHT NOW in the backyard as “super-sized” versions of themselves and their personalities. Bianca is already not having the red extensions they give her. Bitch mode! But mostly tears. She looks gorgeous, though.

Allison, of course, brings the doe eyes. Definitely a good thing. Camille? Fierce, honey. Kayla works a rainbow flag. Love Brittany but she looks like a drunk socialite in her photo. Isis works it out in a bikini.

And of course Shannon the “ROLE MODEL” balks at posing in underwear that aren’t really underwear. She opts for a bikini bottom as opposed to lace shorts ON TOP OF A BIKINI BOTTOM. Because they’re lace and “look” like underwear. Makes total sense.

Girl, you agreed to do the show. You know what the deal is. GET OVER YOURSELF. Because I already am.

Panel time. In front of a live audience. With guest judge Nicki Minaj. OK, Tyra. I ain’t mad at you. (And Nicki gives surprisingly good notes.)

WHAT IS ON TOP OF NIGEL BARKER’S HEAD. NOT SURE IF I LIKE. Do you? I don’t think I do.

The live panel is crazy and frenetic and all over the place. It’s fun but distracting. I do love, however, that Nicki calls out Shannon. (“Those look like panties to meee!“)

Alexandria takes the stage to a few boos and some cursing. She’s gutted. It’s really, really lame and uncalled for. I feel bad for her. A few of the other girls also get taken down a few pegs.

Isis gets best photo, and it’s a deserved win. She’s stunning. I can’t imagine anyone other than Bre is going home. Even standing there next to the other girls, she looks like someone who mistakenly walked in while looking for the ladies room. All the spark she had seems to be gone.

I’m a bit surprised to see Brittany go first. But the non-reaction from fans sealed her fate. I feel for Alexandria, who was given a reprieve. I don’t think she’s evil. But I also don’t expect her to last much longer if she doesn’t step things up several notches.These girls ain’t playing.

Now, if only we could get Janice Dickinson back.

America’s Next Top Model All-Stars airs at 8 p.m. Wednesdays on the CW.