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I know I'm not supposed to do this, but I ducked behind a curtain today and went behind the scene of my own life. The guys in the lab coats got very, very annoyed for a while, but I cracked open a six pack of good beer and they mellowed out.

There was a chart there, with my name at the top in big black letters. Below there was a single jagged line of something over time for the past week or so.

"Oh yeah," I said, pointing at spots on the board, "On Sunday morning I was having a great time, right here on the grapht. Hard-working, focused, energetic. Then in the afternoon I had a slump when my computer stopped working. Then a little boost around the evening, around here, when I got it fixed, but still a slump until I had that really tasty dinner, around here."

The scientists looked at each other awkwardly, then shrugged, "Well, okay, but that's actually your vitamin B6 levels. That's all we chart here, is your vitamin B6."

"That's all?" I said, "Nothing about my life, or my secrets, or anything like that?"

"No, just pyroxidine levels. That's all we care about."

This is kind of insulting! And besides, why are all those different vitamins all lumped together as B? There's plenty of alphabet to go around still, guys. Talk about poor planning.

So I spent the rest of the day today slugging down multivitamins just to throw 'em for a loop.