But First, Jokes*! (One Up There, and One Right Here....)

But First, Jokes*! (One Up There, and One Right Here....)

Two drunk guys are sitting at a bar when one looks at the other and says, "I had sex with your mother last night."

The other guy gets up, grabs his coat, and says, "Okay Dad, it's time to go."

About the Jokester:

Krysten Ritter is the one who should not be trusted in ABC's long-awaited Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23, a sitcom about a small-town girl who moves to New York and gets mixed up with a well-dressed grifter (Ritter). The role doesn't surprise her friends: "Everyone's like, 'You're so perfect for this part!' I'm like, 'Why? Does everyone think I'm a horrible bitch?' " Not us. And not, we're assuming, the calf she bottle-fed and raised when she was growing up on her family farm in Shickshinny, Pennsylvania. A modeling gig got her out of animal husbandry and eventually led to acting — perhaps most notably as Jesse's meth-addict girlfriend on season two of AMC's Breaking Bad. And if Ritter managed to avoid typecasting with that one, she'll hopefully be okay after Apartment 23.

*Esquire cannot guarantee that these jokes will be funny to everyone. (But they're pretty good.)

Right now? I'm walking around my house in my Chelsea Lately giant pink robe, and I was just doing e-mail, and I'm going to have to take my dog outside in a little bit. I have a new little stray dog that I've had for about a month now. His name is Mikey Mohawk — he's this little terrier with a natural Mohawk. My friend found him hit by a car on Pico Boulevard.

(Click VIEW LARGER for more Krysten, and here for more exclusive photos of her on MeInMyPlace.com.)