TCS Daily

I Am (Apparently) a Left-Wing Democrat

It must have been the $10 I
gave to UNICEF. Or to Project HOPE, which immunizes kids in third-world
countries. Or to FINCA, a micro-lending institution. Clearly, anyone who gives
token sums to carefully vetted development organizations must be a rabid left-winger.

Or at least the
likes of Nancy Pelosi, John Kerry, and Bill Clinton think so. Otherwise, why
would they, along with fellow-traveling groups, start barraging me with direct
mail solicitations?

It started a few months ago
with a "survey" from the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee
(DCCC), which the House Democratic Leader earnestly implored me to complete so
that she would know "where [I] stand on the Bush administration's economic
policies, the future of Social Security, America's role on the world stage, and
other important matters." P.S. please rush a donation to the DCCC so they
can do a better job fighting for Democratic values. After all, this "may
well be [my] last chance to put the brakes on the Republicans' alarming right-wing
agenda."

Well. I don't know who runs
the Democrats' data-mining, but if all their missives are as well-targeted as
this one, the right-wing agenda has nothing to worry about. Not only am I about
the least likely candidate to donate money to the Democratic Party, but my
circle -- Purple
Americans -- is so anti-Democrat that one of my good friends is actually
running against Pelosi herself (I suppose the three Republicans in San
Francisco drew straws and she got the short one).

Being the political
provocateur that I am, however, I took the survey. Sample question (I
paraphrase, having foolishly returned the thing before photocopying it as
fodder for future punditry): How concerned are you about the Bush
administration's proposed privatization of Social Security, which would kick
granny out onto the street? Of the available answers, I chose "very
concerned," because the White House is clearly not doing enough to develop
and promote individual savings accounts and other financial devices that would
enable people to take control of their mandatory retirement withholdings if
they so desire, thereby saving the entire Social Security system for those who
prefer 0-2% returns.

Another question: How worried
are you that President Bush will nominate judges who will overturn Roe v.
Wade, thereby forcing millions of women into cruel deaths in back alleys?
Here I couldn't find an agreeable answer, so I drew and checked a box titled
"hopeful," as, regardless of my personal views on abortion, I do hope
that this and every President will only appoint judges who can properly
interpret the Constitution.

The survey went on like this
for a while, making clear that its purpose was to solicit funds, not opinions,
by alarming the (already sympathetic) recipient. What was funny, and telling,
is that it was divided into sections, and the questions in the "individual
liberty" category were all skewed to elicit answers favoring governmental
non-interference, while the "economic policy" questions sought
responses encouraging state regulation and restrictions on personal choice --
and I pointed out this inconsistency in the "additional comments"
section.

Suffice it to say, this was
probably not the reply Pelosi's minions wanted, not least because when they
shook the envelope, no check came flying out.

But still the mail came,
from Jim Carville on behalf of the William J. Clinton Presidential Foundation
(which included a gorgeous drawing of the future Clinton library) and Robert F.
Kennedy, Jr., on behalf of the Natural Resources Defense Council, Jim Brady on
behalf of gun control and John Kerry on his own behalf. I actually started
reading them because they're much more entertaining than credit card offers,
oil change coupons, and the other sundry sordid mail I get.

"Dear Fellow
Environmentalist," one letter began, realizing, I assumed, that not all
people who value the great outdoors agree with the failed command-and-control
policies of the Left. But then disappointment as the letter continued:
"The Bush Administration is determined to wipe out the laws that protect
our air, water, wildlife, and public lands." I must have missed the press
release announcing that proposal; perhaps it was lost in the flurry of Tom
Daschle's complaints about the President's failure to create jobs in sectors
completely unaffected by the regulation of air, water, and wildlife, like
construction and manufacturing.

Then I got a letter, with
yet another survey, from the ACLU -- which unfortunately has no place for
libertarians who favor the Patriot Act, racial-profiling, and personal
expressions of religion in the public square. Then arrived a big manila
envelope from America Coming Together (ACT), the George Soros-funded
"grassroots" PAC whose sole reason for existence is to give George W.
Bush "a one-way ticket back to Crawford, Texas." Fittingly, I
recycled ACT's entreaties, but the group has graciously provided me a chance to
reconsider, sending an identical envelope a week later (so much for conserving
trees).

Returning to the mailing
that started this avalanche, Congresswoman Pelosi has apparently now tabulated
her survey results and wants more of my input; this time, in return for a
contribution of $25 I would get a limited edition Victory '04 "Fighting
Donkey" lapel pin. That had me convinced, but I could not for the life of
me find my checkbook. My lapel will have to be satisfied with its Federalist
Society pin.

Finally, just last week I
received a personal invitation from the Speaker of the House to "The
President's Dinner," actually a fundraiser for the National Republican
Congressional Committee and the National Republican Senatorial Committee.
Speaker Hastert is so convinced I'll attend that he's reserved a seat for me. I
thought that was a nice gesture, but then I saw that the price tag was $2,500.

Well, I guess if I'm going
to be mischaracterized demographically, I'd rather it be for an upward
adjustment of purchasing power than for holding views antithetical to this
country's liberty and prosperity. But, really, how did I get on these lists?