Book clubs are supposedly to people in their mid-30s what hallucinogenic love drug emporiums are to the over-75s.

But while they may be the most fashionable places to congregate and exchange tips on humus preparation in between arguing whether Mel Gibson or Kenneth Branagh was a better Hamlet, are these people truly interested in literature or are they simply seeking engagement with other human beings?

If this gadget is not banned, it may replace the theatre, cinema, the knitting circle and the bullfight as the pastime of choice in Wales.

Participants sit in a circle, each holding a metal handset connected to a base unit with a red light on it. When this flashes green everyone must press his or her button. The last person to react to the change in colour will violently recoil when they receive a jabbing electric shock. Intimacy, action, suspense and drama all blend together in a moment of intensity not even the most exciting moment of Bergerac can equal. Had Shakespeare had access to one of these, would he have ever lifted a quill?

The Swiss Army Knife is the Citizen Kane of gadgets. But just as great films can be the subject of remakes, so this invention gives the famous implement a brand new cutting edge.

Shaped like a credit card, this rigid plastic envelope contains a letter opener, small scissors, a pin, a toothpick, a ballpoint pen, a ruler, tweezers, a quadruple screwdriver, a magnifying glass and - in a true sign of modernity - an LED light. As you slip this into your coat pocket and feel a rush of comfort knowing you can now survive 73.2% of calamities, the 21st century will seem a truly great time to be alive.

Video games these days are simulators of unbridled original sin. In the world of electronic entertainment you may find yourself using with chainsaws, golf clubs and halibut in ways which you would never have contemplated in real life.

How horrific then is the thought that your oldest son might indulge in such virtual vice and consider it normality?

Steer him away from ardent criminality by ensuring that in his imagination he lives on the right side of the law. When he sits in this police, burning away any obesity-causing calories with his ferocious pedalling, in his mind he will be a force for good in a crazy world. He will identity himself with an unyielding and muscular virtue, capable of sweeping away decadence and delinquency with the force of a Tsunami.

Of course, there is the slight danger that if you give this to him as an 18th birthday present he will go and steal a car for himself. To ensure he does not disgrace your family traditions of good taste at all times, leave some photographs of vintage Ferraris by his bed.