He Said/She Said: What to Listen to When You’re Getting It On

Oooh, sex and music. So much to say! In my own fervent opinion, sex and music go together like chips and dip, Ernie and Bert, or trashy TV and ice cream. Ideally, while you’re having sex your mind should be far, far away. Too far away for you to be conscious of the fact that the bed is creaking, bodies are slapping together and for some reason there’s a weird squelching sound (don’t lie – I know you know what I mean). Unfortunately though, sex isn’t always transcendent enough to distract you from these less that sensual ambient noises. But guess what? Music can save mediocre sex. No, seriously, it can. Not only can music make sex more fun, the right song can put you in a damn fine mood for f*cking. Music can also muffle your moaning, and save the ears of your flatmates. And, hey, sometimes an aural prompt for rhythm can be helpful as hell.

I think sex is better to a soundtrack. Maybe it’s just because I’m one of those weirdos who imagines a soundtrack to my life. Maybe. I’m not the only one who does that, right? I digress…sex is better with music. Well, except when it’s not. As Simon Cowell would say, song choice is everything. And here’s what NOT to play.

The TV: It can be quite distracting. Granted, perhaps the sex ain’t fantastic, but paying attention to How I Met Your Mother isn’t going to help either. It’s downright rude, actually. Once, bored with the show we were watching in bed, I gave my boyfriend a blow job. Emerging from under the covers at length, I discovered that my boyfriend was still watching the box. And it certainly wasn’t my box. How rude!

The Radio: A friend of mine once told me a story which I shall paraphrase for you – listening to the radio, having sex, when suddenly an ad for erectile dysfunction came on. Awkward much?

Okay, what are your safe options, then? Opinions on the matter are greatly divided. A quick survey of my flatmates revealed some (in my opinion) questionable preferences, though, admittedly, not everyone liked the sound of my sex playlist. The choice, therefore, is yours. Play something that gets you in the mood, but consider your partner when choosing. I’m yet to meet a guy who wants to get off while listening to Lady Gaga. However, here are a few of my favourites for you to consider…

Portishead: I only recently discovered Portishead (I know, I know — at times I live under a cultural rock), and I’m certainly glad I did. My favourite is the song Over.

Frank Ocean: The album Nostalgia, Ultra includes some very sexy singles.

Nine Inch Nails: Disclaimer: I am a rabid Nine Inch Nails fan. Should some unthinkable fate befall Trent Reznor’s wife, inevitably some deeply repressed beast would waken within me. Hitherto unforeseen fierceness would fly from me and claw out the eyeballs of anyone standing in my direct path to Trent Reznor. Poor Trent would be probably quite frightened but ultimately helpless as I made my move to ravish the man. I’m just warning you all. But I digress — point is, although I am extremely biased, believe me – anything by Nine Inch Nails is fantastic to f*ck to.

Peaches: Hardly needs explanation!

Really, it all comes down to whatever floats you musical love boat. Have sex to a soundtrack more often! Your flatmates/roommates/neurotic cat will thank you, and you might just truly enjoy the experience.