Get off the guilt train

Wow, I feel like it's been so long since I've come here to write, even though it's only been three days. How was everyone's weekend? Due to traveling, I really couldn't fit anything but basics in my suitcase. So that means no style photos this week :( I suppose I could''ve just taken photos anyway, in my jeans and t-shirt, but I guess I was just too lazy :P

Anyway, I've been thinking about the subject of this post for a long time, and how I wanted to present it. I once read the exact title line in snippet of magazine text years ago. You know how magazines always have those random little insets with what's in a celebrity's makeup bag, or what's the "it" color eyeshadow this season. Well if you can believe it, they had one about letting go of guilt, which I always thought was pretty cool.

It randomly popped in my head recently, and prompted me to think about what I've been guilty about lately. I found that this happens way too much, and is the root of a lot of dissatisfaction. Especially as women, I think we're more conditioned to feel this way.

So I wanted to make a declaration.

I hereby release these unnecessary sources of guilt into the wind once I name them. They are as follows:

Not being inspiring/ inspired enough
It's tough to keep up with a blog, and other creative activities when you've got a life to live. And it's even tougher when you compare yourself to the people who seem to be able to do it all- people baking the perfect cupcakes in their perfect kitchens, frolicing in fields in whimsical outfits. It's easy to believe that those people don't have their own problems, but it's just not true.

I run into trouble when I strive to portray myself this way. Sadly, it's just not me. I know that posts like the one you're reading might not bring in the pageviews, but they are real, and they are how I feel.

It's not that I don't love to feel girly and magical. I do. I just need some reality thrown in for good measure.

Not being creative enough
When we worry about things in general, we block our creativity. And I tend to be a huge worrywort. I've always needed some guidance to get me back on track whenever I fall into the doldrums. Luckily, I just picked up the book "The Artist's Way," which is turning out to be pretty great so far. It helps to clear your mind of blocks, and get you in a more creative mindset.

Still. You don't need to beat yourself up every time you do fall into a lull. Actually, I think it's part of the process sometimes. You can't be brilliant every second. And you can always remind yourself... the inspiration will come. You have not lost anything.

Commenting
I love getting comments, and I love all the lovely people who leave them to me! But I get this nagging feeling that I need to answer every single one, and I feel bad if I don't live up to that expectation. It can take hours sometimes to go through and respond- and I usually try to do so here AND at your website. I'm just one human. I'm going to stop putting so much pressure on myself.

Not Booking Enough Shows
There's a voice inside that tells me that I need to play more shows. Then, there's another voice that tells me to remember all the times I've played shows before, and have been disappointed. A lot of performing experiences have been great for me. But doing the club circuit in NYC (and beyond) is a grind. It's a lot of pressure to promote and bring enough people. If I fall short, I usually feel more horrible than I need to. Also, as a musician, I have this feeling that I'm "supposed" to want to perform. It's okay that I don't sometimes.

Not being "successful" enough
I've been through this with myself way too many times. The comparing game gets no one nowhere. Yet we still do it. It's a drain on your spirit, your heart, and your creativity. I often think "if I had just done this different." Of "if I just had this one thing" things would turn out differently.

But you are you. You have the things you have. The skills, tools, talent you have all belong to you. The universe gave those things to you, and just because they are not fitting into your definition of "success," it does not mean you aren't.

There! I feel so much more free after acknowledging these energy suckers, and setting them free.

Do you have anything that holds you back?
Guilt or otherwise?
Set them free in the comments. xx

41 comments

The big one that seems to be affecting me today is I feel guilty when I have to take a step back and take care of myself first, especially after someone has expressed their displeasure with the fact that I decided I needed to do that today... even though they've paid lip service to the fact that I should put myself first.

Thanks for posting this, most of your points apply to me. I've just started my blog and I'm trying to grow it whilst studying for my masters degree in my final year- I feel completely at odds with myself trying to be all creative and prancey whilst doing all my practical sciency stuff. In my blog I review beauty products and outfits but to be honest I usually just get up, throw on my university hoodie and go! I think as bloggers we put ourselves under extra little pressures which we've got to watch out for... anyways great post I enjoyed reading it :) rebecca xxx

Such a great post! I know you said that these kinds don't bring in the page views, but I like these a lot more than the blogs full of 'look at my perfect life' posts. I struggle with guilt over some of the same things. Not posting enough, not responding to comments etc. I think it's really important to not worry so much about everyones expectations, because you can only be yourself. :)

I'm glad you feel better, and reading this post made me feel better too. I feel guilty a lot too esp when it comes to commenting and not being "creative" enough. It's just something I really need to get over. When I end up forcing it, it turns out like crap anyway lol!

I actually find posts like this one quite a bit more inspiring than than the usual DIY. I love reading about women feeling good about themselves, and not letting conformity get them down! It inspires me to be true to myself and embrace whatever it is I am feeling in the moment, and not worry about what I wish I could be.This is really lovely Chantilly.Trish

This is a great post. I recently had a similar revelation myself in regards to blogging. I've always felt pressure to make a new DIY, take a snap-shot of my outfit, sit and write meaningful posts etc etc. But then I looked harder and realised that I was root of my own stresses and I didn't owe it to anyone to "have to" do those things. By forcing myslef I also wasn't necessarily creating meaningful blog content. So I just let go...And guess what! A magical thing happened - I was able to enjoy experiences in the moment rather than focus on documenting them and once I let go I felt much more inspired!I think it does you a world of good!

Woonderful post! I don't feel guilty, i feel MAD! Because sometimes i don't fight enough dor what i want. Yesterday i post about it, i don't have plans for my future, i know i want an etsy shop but i'm just thinking about it and not doing anything to get it. I'm mad because i want to exercise but every morning i stay one more hour at bed instead of do the routine that i planed the day before.I'm mad because i'm just letting myself go instead of ask myself what i really want and work on that! Make plans and actually follow them!Guess it's time to stop complaining and do something about it :)

Love this post! Don't worry about pageviews, because this is what I want to read - and I think there are much more people who want to read about real people experiencing real things. This post made me think about myself. I feel guilty for sleeping in or spending too much time behind a computer screen, thinking I could've spend my time more efficiently. And I say 'sorry' way too often, even if I don't have anything to feel sorry for. This post inspired me not to worry about these things, and not to feel guilty. At least I'm going to try... Thank you!

Yes, you are so right! I think most of us think about these things to varying degrees. I've learned to let go of some things, but I stubbornly cling to others. Posting every day, that is the one thing I can't seem to let go of. I feel I should, I have to. But I don't! It's ridiculous. Quiet is good from time to time. I plan to indulge some quite time this weekend- no blogging, no social media. Well, maybe a little Twitter. But that's it!

Thank you for sharing and being so honest about your feelings and emotions.I can't agree more with what you have said in this post be it in the blogsphere or in real life. The comparison never ends, but we do need that in our lives to remind us that we can improve. More importantly enjoy the journey and not a blind chase of being just like that top instagram account or the most popular blogger in your region.

Thank you once again and keep going cos we all enjoy your energy!Cheers,Everestwww.everestsays.com