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Politeness isn’t everything

I accidentally clicked on a bookmark in my browser a couple of days ago.

I have a habit of finding a site, thinking it looks interesting, bookmarking it for a later occasion and then forgetting about it entirely. As a result I have hundreds of useless bookmarks floating around the place.

The one I rediscovered was a "politeness test" to check just how polite and friendly my writing is.

Apparently my meanderings are not very friendly. I stuck in the stuff I typed last Friday and it scored "Contentious". What the fuck? Apparently I use too much of the First Person. Of course I use the First Person! I'm writing about my own brainfarts and thoughts so I'm hardly going to use the Second or Third Person? Do they think I'm the fucking Queen or something? We are not amused.

One of the sentences was marked as using "vulgar language", but the only word I could find that could possibly triggered this alarming message was the word "hole" as in "the UK will disappear into a black hole if they fail to follow the wishes of the EU masters". Do they think I am referring to a Negro's arshole? If so they would need to clean up their own fucking act before criticising mine.

It seems I am too negative as well? They don't say quite how I am negative but nearly every sentence is flagged. It can only find a few positive words such as "we", "us", "for" [what the fuck?] and “and” [now they’re taking the piss!]. I really must use "positive language" more!

From now on I shall use this test site frequently. My ambition is to score "anarchic", "obnoxious" and "utterly disgusting".

I was going to type my comment into that site first just to see what I'd have to do to make it 100% polite and all but after several tries, all of which failed miserably bu the way, I gave it up for a loss. Besides, I began to get sick to my stomach.