Joel McHale’s Best White House Correspondents’ Dinner Zingers and Jokes

Comedian Joel McHale took to the podium Saturday night to headline this year’s White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner, joining President Barack Obama and a host of the nation’s media elite—and the celebrities they invited along—for an evening of laughs.

McHale followed Obama, and did not pull punches. Among the comic's topics for the evening: Guantanamo Bay, Chris Christie's weight, Cliven Bundy's racist comments, Ted Cruz, and CNN's obsession with the missing Malaysia Airlines flight.

McHale’s jokes from the evening:

“Mr. President—or, as Paul Ryan would call you, another inner city minority taking advantage of the federal government to feed and house your family.”

“My favorite bit of yours is when you said you’d close the detention facility at Guantanamo Bay. That was hilarious.”

“This will be short and amusing, just like Chris Christie’s presidential bid.”

“I can tell the Kardashians are Republicans, because they’re always trying to screw black people.”

“The filets tonight were grass-fed beef, freshly dragged off the Cliven Bundy ranch. The steaks are very tasty, once you pull off the tiny white hoods.”

“It’s an honor to be here in Washington, D.C., the city that started the whole crack-smoking mayor craze.”

“Between Rob Ford, Justin Bieber, and Ted Cruz, you just want to tell Canada, ‘Hey, relax—we already have a Florida.’”

“Joe Biden is elbow deep in jalapeño poppers and talking to a construction cone he thinks is John Boehner.”

“Jeb Bush might announce that he’s running. Wow, another Bush in the White House. Is it already time for our every-ten-years surprise party for Iraq?”

After recounting some of Christie’s recent troubles: “Finally, a politician willing to stand up to America’s commuters.” McHale continued to rip into Christie, both for the New Jersey governor's rotund figure and for his Bridgegate scandal. After he finished, McHale noted, "He's going to kill me."

“Mr. President, your critics have compared you to Hitler and Stalin, but that’s ridiculous. You look way older than them.”

After chiding White House press secretary Jay Carney: “I haven't seen him this nervous since the president said to him, ‘Look, just go out there and tell them the website is broken. They'll understand.’”

“Now, over 8 million people have signed up for Obamacare, which is impressive, until you realize that Ashley Tisdale has 12 million Twitter followers.”

“I am a big fan of that lesbian on MSNBC, Chris Hayes.”

“CNN is searching for something they've been desperately missing for months: their dignity.”

“Hollywood helps America by portraying a heroic image around the world. We just released another movie called ‘Captain America,’ or, as he’s known in China, ‘Captain who owes us $1.1 trillion.”

“There are a lot of celebrities here tonight. They're the ones who don’t look like ghouls.”

“I’m not going to spoil the surprise on ‘House of Cards,’ but just know that it was so shocking that Nancy Pelosi’s face almost changed its expression. Did you like that one, Nancy? I can’t tell.”

After noting that Americans get upset over little things like TV spoilers: “In other countries, spoilers mean, ‘Hey, I haven’t been back to the village for a while. Don’t tell me who died in the drone strike.’ Sorry about that.”

“Instead of being shipped off to a gulag, I’m going to the Vanity Fair after-party. This is America, where everyone can be Pussy Riot.”

After saying Robert De Niro would take any role: “Mr. De Niro, I was in ‘Spy Kids 4,’ so clearly I’m beyond reproach. So, I’ll see you on the set of ‘Spy Kids 5.’”