Spit or Swallow?

Back in the 18th century, famed doctor and apparent blow job enthusiast Samuel-Auguste Tisot claimed that semen was a hyper-concentrated version of a man’s blood. He spread the sticky-icky rumor that losing one ounce of sperm was more debilitating than losing 40 ounces of blood, forever excusing the immediate-sleep-post-climax trend and perpetuating the need to save your seed.

Cultures all over the world have woven complex webs of semen-coated lies, connecting this little white glob not only to masculinity, fertility and ever-lasting life but also to gods, healing energy and otherwise male-benefiting superstitions. All this, combined with the ancient demonization of female sexual pleasure, finds us here in the present day sucking it up and swallowing salty, bitter, gooey weirdness in the name of “pleasing our man,” sexual street cred and oddly justified social pressure.

Admittedly, as someone who wouldn’t swallow a spoonful of Yoplait at gunpoint (the texture is so disgusting!), I’m biased in the spit or swallow debate. Everyone’s taste buds are different, plenty of blow job-giving people genuinely enjoy swallowing, but still, of all descriptors applied to the taste of this gelatinous splatter of egg fertilizer, “salty,” “bitter,” “metallic” and “chemical”—none particularly appetizing—are the most common.

So why is “spit or swallow” even a debate? Well, it turns out that there are benefits to the latter.

The first plus your boy-toy will cite is the pleasure factor. Finishing in your mouth just feels better than switching mid-BJ to a boring old handy. Imagine enjoying some fantastical cunnilingus only to have that gloriously slippery tongue switched to digits upon your climactic brink. The orgasm will still feel good, but your jollies may have been jilted.

Then there’s semen science. First, if you are what you eat, what are you if you’re a semen-swallower? Well, you’re 65 percent fructose-rich fluid from the seminal vesticles, 25 percent white prostate gland secretion, five percent actual spermatozoa released by the testes, and one percent clear, jelly-like lubricant that helps his swimmers slip and slide to your cervix. The good news is, this concoction is guaranteed fresh, only being mixed to impregnating perfection as the spermatozoa travel through the penis and out into the world via ejaculation.

You’ll be expected to gulp down an average of 3.4 millimeters of the stuff, with a low of 2.3 and a high of 4.99 (5 would just be too much). The laundry list of cum’s chemical components includes vitamin-bottle-worthy ingredients such as zinc, ascorbic acid, calcium, magnesium, B12, potassium and protein.

Most semen studies show mixed reports of the health benefits of going bottoms-up with your boy’s butter. The most consistent findings report that the cortisol, oxytocin, estrone and serotonin found in the slippery stuff elevates mood and works potently as an antidepressant.

Two popular studies show that women and men who sleep with men without using protection have fewer depressive symptoms than those who refuse to swallow or wrap it up. (Though, some might argue that the risk of unwanted pregnancy and STDs that come with forgoing protection might just counteract any residue semen-induced happy feelings).

Swallowing has also been rumored to ease sore throat symptoms, reduce breast cancer risk and make pregnancy safer via ingested antigens found in semen that kill harmful bacteria. High in protein and only 20 calories per teaspoon, weight-watchers needn’t worry about nutritional value and if you choose to spit, the protein content is said to be great for your skin, so rub it in!

The bad news is that of all the ways to contract HIV, contact between semen and your oral, vaginal and/or anal mucus membranes is by far the most effective, whether your spit or swallow. Compromise with flavored condoms.

No matter how you like to finish, remember that your mouth is more than just a spitter or swallower. Speak up, make your dirty delicacy desires clear and, if you’re feeling particularly pressured, nothing’s more effective than daring him to sample his own merchandise first.