A grateful volunteer's tribute to Dream A Dream's unparalleled mentoring program

April 24, 2012

Reflective Practice Session - April 22, 2012

The following are discussions from a Reflective Practice Session at one of the partner centers in April 22, 2012.

Poornima

Tejashree mentors Poornima, a 17 year old
girl who lives with her parents and aunt at Adugodi. They have met about 6 times in the last 3 months.

Poornima is pursuing her 2nd PUC
in commerce from a local Govt. College. Her father is a weaver. She stays 10
mins away from the community youth center and her college is 30 mins away from
her home. She takes the bus and goes to college along with her friends. In her
spare time, she likes to draw. She also helps her mother in cleaning, washing
and other household work.

At the initial meetings Poornima was a little nervous. But gradually she got comfortable with
Tejashree. The first few conversations revolved around her upcoming exams. She
was worried about her Economics and English papers. She was trying to find a
Kannada medium textbook for Economics as her final exams were coming up in a
few weeks.

Tejashree took some time to figure out how
to help her with this but told her that she would check and get back to her. In
the meanwhile she also suggested that Poornima also check with her teacher and
friends to see if any alternate way can be found to get the book.

After her exams, one of the things that came up in their conversations
was that she was very nervous about her exam results and worried if she would
pass or fail. Tejashree tried to offer validation here.

She also said that her father may not allow her to study further. She said
that she would now also be looking for work to support her family. Poornima
shared that she would like a job in a big company and make a lot of money. When
Tejashree asked if she has an idea what kind of work she wants, Poornima said
the need was money and so anything that was better than work at supermarkets
and retail shops. She asked Tejashree to help her with this plan of hers.

She also shared that most of friends have moved away from the
neighbourhood and she has less friends now to talk to.

Tejashree however suggested that Poornima try to continue education as further
education would enable her to earn a higher income.

At the Reflective Practice Session, Tejashree shared that she seemed a
bit lost on how to help Poornima with information on jobs and careers available.
At the same time felt that Poornima should continue her education and realize that
further education was necessary to find better opportunities and jobs that pay.
She didn’t want her to discontinue her education.

Feedback/Validation/Suggestions from the Group

It seems like there is a lot of sharing and
validation with regards to Poornima’s concerns about her exams. This would
have certainly helped her. It’s good to know that she is opening up.

We understand that you are probably feeling a
little lost now about how to help Poornima with her need for information about
jobs. You are probably also worried if you will be able to really help her
and what happens if you can’t. You are probably also worried that if she discontinues
her education she may lose out on better opportunities in life.

The group suggested that Tejashree offer more
validation about Poornima’s need to find a job that earns well to support
her family and her father’s resistance to further education. This might be
a good place to start.

thinking of discontinuing education and working
in-order to support her family

perhaps she wants to help her family and
contribute in some way as things are difficult at home

maybe she’s finding it challenging or
daunting to talk to her father about further education when the family’s
financial situation is not very good.

or maybe she just finds it challenging to talk
to her fathe

The group suggested that it’s okay to then give
an honest response that you don’t have an answer at the moment. But you
can also say that you will try to find out a few things by the next
meeting. This way you are not saying ‘no you will not help her’. You are
still committing to help her though the process.

Perhaps Tejashree and her mentee can agree to
work together on finding more information. This could be an activity.
Maybe 2 careers/jobs a week. If needed, Tejashree could reach out to the
group or Jeeno to collect career related information. As more information
is available to Poornima, maybe she will be able to make an informed
decision

– what education/skills lead
to A, B, C jobs you have short-listed

-what she has in
her mind and what her interest or likes are.

-this way Poornima may
also realize that there is a link between higher income/earning jobs and
education/skills.

Renuka

Sanjana mentors Renuka, a 18 year old girl who lives from an orphanage
in JP Nagar. Renuka has been living at the orphanage for a year and half. She
was transferred from another children’s home.

She is not an orphan. She does have a family. However there is little
information about them. Nor have they tried to contact her. It seems she was
abandoned or she run-away and was rescued by another shelter home. It’s not
clear what happened. If there was abuse at home or pressure to get married or disapproval
of a relationship.

Sanjana and Renuka have been meeting for 3 months now. They have met at
least 6 times far.

She is pursuing a diploma course in secretarial practice and
communication. Her interests include writing poems, reading, dancing and
listening to music.

Initially she was a bit apprehensive about Sanjana as an earlier mentor discontinued
after a few meetings. So she wanted to know how long Sanjana was going to be
around and if she would be there. Sanjana offered some validation and re-assurance
that she is going to be around for 6 months. Sanjana therefore made an effort to meet her often to build
a rapport and address her apprehension about Sanjana's commitment.

Renuka is quite bright and motivated to do well in her studies. Most
conversations were about general topics, her interests and what’s happening at her
college and studies as her exams were coming up.

One of the things they agreed to work on together at their meetings was improving
Renuka’s English. This was something Renuka requested help with. Sometimes
they would go through articles in a newspaper to work on reading skills and
sometimes they would work on grammar. She later
mentioned that her English teacher was not good and so Sanjana also started helping
out with some topics for her course to help her prepare for her exams.

However Renuka would rarely talk about her family or past.

Sometimes Renuka would share her poems with Sanjana. Sanjana noted that Renuka’s
poems were quite impressive and had a lot of depth. Most of the poems talk about
her feelings. Renuka says she writes poems when she feels either too happy or
very sad. A lot of poems seem to mention or are about her mother. She seems to miss
her mother a lot.

Renuka mentioned that she was keen on doing a CA
course and Sanjana offered to help her meet with some friends of hers who were
doing a similar course.

One day Renuka
seemed to talk less. She mentioned that
the warden at the orphanage was quite rude to her and other kids at the
orphanage. Apparently there was some argument or incident that day. Renuka
seems protective about the younger kids in the shelter home. She also helps the
other younger children with school work and studies.

She also
seems to have some friends at college although they haven’t talked much about
them yet. But she did mention that she acts a counsel for her friends.

One day Renuka
mentioned that her family disowned her and she was not sure if her family would
accept her. But she didn’t say anything further. She was very uncomfortable talking
about it.

During one
of the assessments it seemed like she did not believe she can find someone
special in her life or a life partner. She was unhappy with her appearance and
wanted to look better.

Sanjana is
worried about Renuka’s relationship with her family and how she deals with her
past. She hopes that Renuka would open up and wants to help Renuka and talk to
her about it.

Feedback/Validation/Suggestions from the Group

There has been a lot of sharing already in
short time. Sanjana’s visits and conversations were certainly helping Renuka
open up. Her support for English is also something that has brought them
closer. Things are looking good.

We understand that you are worried about Renuka’s
ability to deal with her past. You are probably also worried if any
attempt to talk about her family will push her away or lead to her closing
up further.

The group suggested that perhaps we need to be
patient and start with more validation about her difficulty in talking
about her past. To let her know that Sanjana understands why Renuka would
not want to talk about it. Maybe offer level 3 and 5 validation and let her
know Sanjana understands that:-

Perhaps it makes her more sad or angry or
upset when she tries to talk about the past and her family.

Perhaps it makes her miss her family more.

Perhaps the experience at home (run- away,
abuse at home) was traumatic and painful.

Perhaps she feels abandoned or betrayed

Perhaps she feels confused

Perhaps there is some guilt about running
away

Thereafter Sanjana could make an offer that –
if Renuka ever feels she is ready to talk about it or has questions
Sanjana would be there to listen as a friend. And if Renuka does not wish
to talk about it, its okay, Sanjana would still continue to be there and
visit her.

Sanjana could then take a step back and allow Renuka
to decide if she wants to share and then accept Renuka’s choice. This may
not be easy for most of us but its something we have to learn to accept. It’s
quite possible that one day Renuka would come back to Sanjana and talk about
it. Maybe just not right away. This maybe the first time someone has ever talked
to Renuka in this manner.

Perhaps a similar approach to a conversation could
be attempted with topics she’s not
very comfortable talking about:-

her views about not finding a life partner

her views about her appearance.

* Once a month, mentor meetings
are organised by Dream A Dream. The session is a forum to discuss challenges and
seek support and advice from fellow mentors, senior mentors, and Dream A
Dream

** Names of mentees or young people have been changed to protect their identity and
maintain anonymity.

1 comment:

Poornima and Renuka are different in that one has family and the other has none. Poornima's issue is how to contribute money to her family; Renuka has more extensive problems including no-one to attach to.

She's likely to do that coming and going thing we discussed so Sanjana may go from her to zero. But if Renuka does attach (which seems likely) it could be a massive help to her.

TJ's task is hard form a different point of view: she may strongly feel Poornima should continue studies, but in this she has to keep an open mind an an ability to stay alongside Poornima no matter what she decides. we like the information approach: you could also try a 'pros and cons' list together with Poornima as to how to go forward.

Dream Mentoring

The Dream Mentoring programme is one of the key life skills programs of Dream A Dream.

It is a youth mentoring progamme that supports 14-18 year olds from vulnerable backgrounds through the critical phase of embracing adulthood. Designed with the help of professional clinical psychologists, Dr. David Pearson and Dr. Fiona Kennedy from the U.K, it recruits,trains and matches volunteers with young people for 1-to-1 mentoring for a defined period.

It intends to guides young people to make informed decisions about career, higher education, workplace and personal relationships, and manage conflicts better, as they enter adulthood.

The programme also works towards sensitizing the society by encouraging volunteering.