losing money

A long time ago, I worked in the projects. You actually don’t understand poverty until you have seen people who really do live in areas considered “below the poverty line”. I know that doesn’t help you right now, but it needed to be said.

On the flip side of this, if you actually do have money, do you feel like you aren’t entitled to it? Do you feel bad for having it? You see, for a long time, I felt really bad about money after seeing children from poverty.

I was a teacher, yes. I struggled just like everyone else to make ends meet. To be honest though, I never struggled as badly with little money as I did when I had more money, and then suddenly didn’t have as much. Life’s funny that way.

What lessons did money really teach me then?

I was not as poor as I imagined. I didn’t have any idea how to use food stamps. I could actually pay for gas for my car and did not have to use public transportation. My belief was that I was really struggling. And while I was, it was not at a level that some people are currently facing. Money showed me that lesson and in turn, I thanked God for my current situation. I became a mentor and took children out in their neighborhood to places they wouldn’t have been able to go without my help.

I was not as rich as I imagined either. Money is hilarious. It taunts you to spend it and spend it you do. Then that funny guy called Visa calls on you one day and you owe $20,000. For house remodeling…that you did to save money. Oops. My belief was that I could always make more…that is until the day I got really sick. I had not learned the save for a rainy day lesson. I was out that day. Sick. I needed to have a savings, so lesson learned.

I was “always” going to be in debt. You think there is absolutely nothing you can do, but you are wrong. You can actually call credit cards and reduce your rates, work to pay off the least amount or the highest interest rate, and continue to visualize your debt being paid off. Here is the part where I start to lose you. I did good things. I paid for things, donated, and such…even when I had not as much as others, and more than some. I tried very hard to get out of this fear mentality that debt wants you to be in. I knew that it was not going to be forever and I was right. The belief that it was going to get worse held me back. It almost stopped me in my tracks, but I made a plan. This is the hardest of the steps I think.

Others seem to have it “easy”. There were times I would look at other people’s posts and think wow! What a nice vacation. But you know, they split it 3 ways maybe and I didn’t know that. Or you might see the “I did a great job and got a raise” post. They don’t mention it took them 5 years of hard work. Don’t always think that the grass is greener because you know I say it’s Astro-turf. Some people just make things appear as if it was handed to them, and it’s okay. You know you are a hard worker and there’s no shame in being real.

Throwing in the towel by saying “I can’t afford that.” When I was driving my mini-van into the ground…with the oil leaking, the tires deflating and fixed more times than I can count, the hood looking like hail had beat it to death, and the hub caps rusting, anyway, I thought “I will not be able to afford a new car anytime soon…but I have to”. I started changing the way I thought that year. I had used that car to get me to more doctor’s appointments than I could count and it had been a good car, but it was time to move on. So I wrote about it as if it happened. Over and over again. Each month. And then it happened. We donated our car to a good cause and I bought a vehicle I had long since wanted because one of my illnesses left me with really sensitive hands to cold…and the vehicle came with a warm steering wheel control as well as butt warmers!!! I thought it was heaven. I still do.

Money is energy. I see that now, and I also know that I actually have more control over my actions with it than I previously realized. I don’t use it as an excuse, I don’t hide behind it, but I don’t need to lie about it either. When I want to go after something now, I just work harder, and put more energy into my plan. I don’t if you believe this, but try it sometime. Don’t let money control your thoughts…control your thoughts and therefore control the flow of money. ~Aimee

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There are days I write these and I think, “What could I have to say at a time like this that would motivate anyone?” And then I write anyway. Today is definitely one of those days. I am exhausted, aching again, and spent the last 4 days without a working kitchen sink. That meant no dishwasher or running water to use…anyway, moving on. I walked outside the other day and noticed the back of my roof was warped. I was sweeping my back porch and I swear it it actually sinking…SINKING. There may or may not be a leak further down the line in my pipes and we probably need new pipes leading up to the house put in as I have lived without water pressure for about 7 years now…not a big thing really. It’s an old house.

You see, I fell in love with the backyard. The BACK yard, where I don’t actually live. Once I walked outside, I was entranced. It looked like a magical place to raise my kids. The house was a hot mess. I have worked on it for years with the help of various people, friends, acquaintances, etc. Whoever would come do the occasional odd job. And suddenly this weekend, it seemed like I was ready to sell it. I was tired of trying to keep up with it. Then I read my friend’s post in Australia. I realized, that no matter where we are in this world, we all have similar problems, but someone can be in worse shape.

Now my Aussie friend has some sort of asbestos problem named Mr. Fluffy. Not funny, but I mean, Mr. Fluffy? Really??? She isn’t very happy with you right now Mr. Fluffy. Then, I think of my friend who lost her house due to Chinese Drywall. Her story was extremely scary, but luckily she has a new house in a new state.

So, erm, there was also the problem with the R-words here. That was actually nasty, but it has been taken care of. Apparently, there was an outbreak of some sort of roof R-words. R-words can not be tolerated. Anyway, moving on. I am not going to go into everything, but the bottom line is, with the exception of the R-words, we can actually live here.

So, the bottom line today, is that hopefully after my aching exhaustion goes away, things will be okay again. My girls helped me clean up, things are working for now, and I then had to sleep most of the day due to said fatigue, but it will be ok. So I say to you my friends, things will be okay. They are not maybe right this minute, but luckily, things change.

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There are days I write these and I think, “What could I have to say at a time like this that would motivate anyone?” And then I write anyway. Today is definitely one of those days. I am exhausted, aching again, and spent the last 4 days without a working kitchen sink. That meant no dishwasher or running water to use…anyway, moving on. I walked outside the other day and noticed the back of my roof was warped. I was sweeping my back porch and I swear it it actually sinking…SINKING. There may or may not be a leak further down the line in my pipes and we probably need new pipes leading up to the house put in as I have lived without water pressure for about 7 years now…not a big thing really. It’s an old house.

You see, I fell in love with the backyard. The BACK yard, where I don’t actually live. Once I walked outside, I was entranced. It looked like a magical place to raise my kids. The house was a hot mess. I have worked on it for years with the help of various people, friends, acquaintances, etc. Whoever would come do the occasional odd job. And suddenly this weekend, it seemed like I was ready to sell it. I was tired of trying to keep up with it. Then I read my friend’s post in Australia. I realized, that no matter where we are in this world, we all have similar problems, but someone can be in worse shape.

Now my Aussie friend has some sort of asbestos problem named Mr. Fluffy. Not funny, but I mean, Mr. Fluffy? Really??? She isn’t very happy with you right now Mr. Fluffy. Then, I think of my friend who lost her house due to Chinese Drywall. Her story was extremely scary, but luckily she has a new house in a new state.

So, erm, there was also the problem with the R-words here. That was actually nasty, but it has been taken care of. Apparently, there was an outbreak of some sort of roof R-words. R-words can not be tolerated. Anyway, moving on. I am not going to go into everything, but the bottom line is, with the exception of the R-words, we can actually live here. R words rhyme with bat…just saying.

So, the bottom line today, is that hopefully after my aching exhaustion goes away, things will be okay again. My girls helped me clean up, things are working for now, and I then had to sleep most of the day due to said fatigue, but it will be ok. So I say to you my friends, things will be okay. They are not maybe right this minute, but luckily, things change.

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Ha. Ha ha ha ha. Breathe in. Breathe out. I was minding my own business this morning, literally as all I was doing was thinking about something, and boom. I started feeling weird. Like I needed to take deep breaths and relax. Seriously? What in the world. Just the thought of needing to make more money brought this on. Granted, we all need money to live, so perhaps it isn’t that odd that I would worry about income. I followed these simple steps and started to relax. I told myself to snap out of it. Yes, I like to use that line. I focused on the positives, not the negatives. Again, easier SAID than done. I know this. You know this. We all know this. I focused on my feelings and realized that this was perfectly normal.

So, is it time to clue you in yet? Almost, almost. Last week, some individual somehow got my credit card number, that is associated with my BANK ACCOUNT. The fraud department immediately called my husband and he contacted me. No, I had not just made this huge purchase of groceries while I was at work. Working, to pay the bills. Working to pay Mr. or Mrs. Crook’s grocery bill. I mean, it was so much they probably ate steaks, shrimp, and had some wine, several bottles, to go with their meal on my dime (Why don’t I buy steaks?). Then I start thinking about all the people who get away with things like this. Then I open up my iGoogle page, which has the news on it, and I see a lucky Powerball winner has won almost $600 million. Ha. Ha ha ha ha. That’s when it happened.

I need to get back to hot yoga. I need to write. I need to relax. I need to actually journal. Not necessarily all in this order, but you get the picture. And maybe I need to play the Powerball too. Control the chaos people.

“The battlefield is a scene of constant chaos. The winner will be the one who controls that chaos, both his own and the enemies.” ~Napoleon Bonaparte

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Fly to Las Vegas. Win at Keno. Suddenly think you are on fire and when approached by someone telling you that you could win $200 just for checking something out, you go. You come back in a limo with a timeshare…drinking champagne with a whole $200 more (when in fact, you are really out $17,000).

Your friend, now your frenemy, signs you up for a Rainbow Vacuum cleaner demo. Your husband thinks it is the most awesome thing ever and promises you for the rest of your marriage, he will vacuum if you buy this robotic looking dealio that can suck dust out of the air, and basically pays for itself at $1,300 or something like that. You say okay (you probably break even as he does really vacuum because the damn thing is so heavy you can’t lift it up stairs).

Years later, decide that the first timeshare wasn’t in the best location for family. You visit a touristy area, and they want you to look at their property. You come back with another timeshare because they convince you that this one is better and you can sell the first one. Now you are really dumb. And broke. Broke and dumb are bad. Don’t do it. Timeshares are the devil. Mama would tell you that.

Trade in your perfectly nice car for a used car. Just because you can’t fit 2 carseats and a third person in the back. They can walk. Walking is good for them. You liked your SUV. Now you drive a mini-van. Sigh.

Start to buy a bigger house, realize it is a dumb move, and that maybe now is not the best time to buy. Narrowly avoid making another mistake. Whew. That was close.

Become a wine club member. Not that you don’t mind drinking the wine, but you realize that for the travel, gas money and cost, you could buy 5 more bottles. More wine equals winning.

Say “F” it and get a new job. Not really a good idea right now as there are no new jobs. It wouldn’t be prudent to do this right now. Find a millionaire to support your dream. Good luck.

Take all the money you were planning to save and go on your dream vacation. You can’t take it with you, right? I know there are websites with 137 ways to eat Ramen. See for yourself.

Buy a new car because you are tired of the mini-van now. It is paid for. Drive that bad-boy into the ground. So what if you don’t have the money to fix the rear entertainment center? They can watch that one DVD that has been stuck in there for a year and they can like it. Hmpf.

Get an estimate for a sun-room. Let’s face it, you are never going to sell this house. Might as well do what you want to it. The kids can get scholarships to college, right?

“Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.” ~Elbert Hubbard

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