Category: From the Mouths of Multiples

Is there anything more endearing than a toddler’s perspective on the world? Yes, my twin girls are big kids now at nearly nine years old, but a few blinks ago, they were toddlers. There are certain observations of theirs that live in a special vault of joy in my memory. I pull them out and look at them on occasion. This is one of those.

Meet Antelope, pronounced “Aninam” in the 23-month-old edition of M&J-ese. Antelope, along with 5 other animal hand puppets, was a gift from my high school English teacher when I found out I was pregnant. (Yes, I had awesome teachers. Who else not only stays in touch with former students in adulthood, but sends them gifts from continents away?)

On the drive home from daycare, then 23-month-old M and I had this conversation:

When the word “horn” has yet to enter your vocabulary, “banana” will do just fine. This sort of creative usage of the words at your disposal is common to first language learners and adult second language learners alike, and is called circumlocution. Another great example is a toddler saying “wall on the top” when they haven’t yet learned “ceiling”.

My 8-year-old daughters decided to take a quiz, designed for friends, to determine how well they knew each other. They had to predict what the other’s answer would be to a set of questions. The questions were mostly straightforward: favourite movie; famous person you’d like to be for a day; favourite food.

My daughters did reasonably well at guessing each other’s answers. J had changed her favourite song since the day before, so M got that one wrong. J completely missed M’s favourite movie until M set her right by humming the theme to Superman. Yes, the Christopher Reeve one from 1978.

The question that really got me thinking was this one: What do you like most about yourself? J’s answer was that she is trustworthy. M’s answer was that she was a twin.

I confess to being surprised by M’s response. I’m certainly aware that her relationship with her sister is central to her life and sense of self, but I wouldn’t have predicted that she would choose that as what she likes most about herself. I asked her what she meant, and she told me that she loves having someone who is always there, who loves her, and whom she can love. Rather than responding with a personal trait, she was responding with what she likes best about her life.

The twin relationship, something I have been trying to wrap my head around for the past 9 years, is that simple to my wise 8-year-old. She has love.

Today, my daughter M and I went to her very own doctor, the one she doesn’t share with her sister. M’s twin sister, J, did not join us, instead staying at school with their 3rd grade class. This is quite the rare occurrence, since I usually try to schedule appointments outside school hours and therefore have both girls with me.

M was very silly at the appointment, needing more reminders than usual to focus on the doctors’ questions. I wondered what was going on, only to discover this was yet another sister thing.

M: I was super extra goofy for you at the doctor.J: What?M: You weren’t there, so I did your sillies for you.J: WHAT!?M: You weren’t there, so I had my own sillies and then I was extra silly to make up for you.J: Yeah, I got that, and I repeat: “WHAT!?” That makes no sense.

At least she agrees with me.

M missed her sister. The appointment ran late enough that M risked missing lunch at school, so I took her to a restaurant for a meal. When I asked for a table for two, M let me know that it sounded wrong. She went through every combination of meal partners she could think of, pointing out that we always needed at least 3 seats.

By the time we were done eating, though, she was enjoying herself.

“I like this quality time with you, Mommy,” she confessed, “just the two of us.”

Now I need to find some Mommy-and-me outing time for J. She would be okay with M going on a playdate without her to make it work, “as long as it’s not with [one of their 3 best friends] S. We’re a trio.”

This post has nothing to do with my daughters being twins, but I do hope it marks the beginning of the end of my months-long neglect of How Do You Do It?

In an attempt to reduce the pain that my expectations of decreased screen time has on my 8-year-olds, we’ve been watching movies on Netflix together and then researching or discussing related topics. For instance, we watched the wonderful animated musical about Moses, The Prince of Egypt. Then we read Exodus, the second chapter of the Old Testament, and discussed the accuracy of the film portrayal of the story and why the filmmakers chose to insert the storyline about the childhood relationship between Moses and Ramses.

We also watched Anastasia and then researched the real Grand Duchess Anastasia Nikolaevna’s life story. That discussion, which touched on the Bolshevik Revolution, led to this gem of an exchange:

M: What’s a revolution?
Sadia: It’s when a group of people come together to make a really huge change.
J: I thought it was when you changed yourself.
Sadia: Oh?
J: Like ‘no more jelly beans’.
Sadia: That’s a resolution. Zzzzzz not vvvvvvv.

Now, of course, I have visions of the Jelly Bean Revolution.

Sadia (rhymes with Nadia) has been coordinating How Do You Do It? since late 2012. She is the divorced mother of 8-year-old monozygotic twins, M and J. They live in the Austin, TX suburbs where Sadia works full time as a business analyst. She retired her personal blog, Double the Fun, when the girls entered elementary school and also blogs at Adoption.com.

I tried to get an explanation of the phenomenon from my daughters, but verbal as they are, they are only 8. Their experience is the only normal they know, so they couldn’t find the words to make sense of it for me.

I approached a coworker who is an identical twin herself and asked her whether she had similar experiences. She said she did. She and her sister have shared memories in which they have no idea which sister was the subject of the memory. In fact, memories she creates now, whether or not her sister is around, are in the third person, as if she’s watching herself. Those of us who aren’t twins don’t have much experience in seeing what we look like from others’ perspectives!

I then sat down with M and apologized for being so incredulous at her confusing her sister’s activities with her own. I told her I’d spoken with my friend and thought I understood a bit better now.

Once again, I’m reminded that I can never fully understand The Twin Thing.

What twin experiences are a mystery to you?

Sadia (rhymes with Nadia) has been coordinating How Do You Do It? since late 2012. She is the divorced mother of 7-year-old monozygotic twins, M and J. She lives with them and their 3 cats in the Austin, TX suburbs and works full time as a business analyst. She retired her personal blog, Double the Fun, but now also blogs at Adoption.com and Multicultural Mothering.

I actively sought out names for my twin daughters that would not rhyme. I thought that it was important to use their names as a way to emphasize their individuality over their twinhood. They’ve settled into almost somewhat more parallel but still non-rhyming nicknames.

Image my surprise to find myself in this conversation.

M: I want quadruplets. Three girls and one boy. The girls will be Claudia, Nadia and Sadia Jr. I don’t know about the boy yet.Me: Rhyming names, huh?M: Oh yes!Me: I’m flattered to have a theoretical granddaughter named after me. Do you wish that you and your sister had rhyming names?M: Not really. I like my name. My two girls will be identical.J: Would Claudia feel left out? Or the boy?M: I guess. I don’t want 3 girls any more. I want identical girls and identical boys for my quadruplets.

I’ve asked M about her obsession with quadruplets before. She states that she wants 4 kids but doesn’t want the hassle of kids who want to participate in different extracurricular activities.

I think she’s in for a rude surprise.

Sadia (rhymes with Nadia) has been coordinating How Do You Do It? since late 2012. She is the divorced mother of 7-year-old monozygotic twins, M and J. She lives with them and their 3 cats in the Austin, TX suburbs and works full time as a business analyst. She retired her personal blog, Double the Fun. She also blogs at Adoption.com and Multicultural Mothering.

On Sunday, a new friend at church told me that her younger son, after meeting my daughters the week before, asked her to provide him with a twin. When she asked him why, he just said that it seemed cool.

M, on the other hand, demonstrated her typical garrulousness. “Of course he wishes he has a twin. Having a twin is the best. You never have to play alone! You’re never alone in new places. I get it.”

I get it too, this wishing for a twin. When I was a little girl, I used to imagine that I had a long lost twin sister, someone who would understand me and be there for me. We would bump into each other in the street, my fantasy went, and instantly recognize each other. We would read and play together, always laughing, always agreeing. Her parents would turn out to be my real parents and we would live happily ever after in her perfect room with a four poster bed.

I found my happily ever after in twinship after all, just not quite as I imagined as a young child.

Did you ever wish you were a multiple? If you are one, ever wish you were a singleton instead?

Sadia (rhymes with Nadia) has been coordinating How Do You Do It? since late 2012. She is the divorced mother of 7-year-old monozygotic twins, M and J. She lives with them and their 3 cats in the Austin, TX suburbs and works full time as a business analyst. She retired her personal blog, Double the Fun, when the girls entered elementary school and also blogs at Adoption.com and Multicultural Mothering.

Permutations for Elementary Students

When I was browsing the lovely photos on MathiasQuads.org yesterday for this morning’s post, my daughter M took great care to read the names in each photo caption. She wanted to be sure to match each face to the right name. As an identical multiple herself, she understood how important it was to see Mary Claire, Anna, Grace and Emily as individuals.

M, aged 7, observed that they were rarely in the same order between photos.

M: There’s 16 ways for them to be lined up.Me: How did you figure that out?M: Because there’s 4 sisters and 4 spots and 4 times 4 is 16.Me: That’s a very good deduction, my mathematician girl, but it’s actually 24. Can I show you how?

Is 7 a little young for combinatorics? Sure, but M showed an interest in it, so I dug back into my 8th grade math memories. I drew her a picture to show her how to think of permutations. She picked the colours for each sister.

Me: There are 4 sisters who can go in the first spot. I’m just going to draw one of them. Once she’s in her place, there are only 3 sisters left to go second.M: Then 2, then 1!Me: Exactly. So there are 6 orders available for each sister who goes in the first spot.M: And 6 times 4 is 12 and 12 is 24.Me: Which is also 4 times 3 times 2 times 1.M: Well, that was easy.

We’ll probably chat about combinations tonight during bath time.

Spiral Learning

I’ve always taken this approach to educating my daughters. If one or both of them is interested in something that illustrates a larger pattern or important skill, I explain it to them at a level that is pertinent, interesting, and within their abilities. Later on, when they’re more intellectually mature, I’ll come back to it. In a couple of years, I’ll show M how to use factorial notation.

My teacher friend Kaylan tells me that the eduspeak term for this is “spiral learning.”

What sparks your child’s interest? What’s your approach to teaching?

Sadia (rhymes with Nadia) has been coordinating How Do You Do It? since late 2012. She is the divorced mother of 7-year-old monozygotic twins, M and J. She lives with them and their 3 cats in the Austin, TX suburbs and works full time as a business analyst. She retired her personal blog, Double the Fun, when the girls entered elementary school and also blogs at Adoption.com and Multicultural Mothering.

J walked into the bathroom where I was showering. She was dressed in a striped shirt and sweatpants. I wish I could wear sweatpants to work, but we are allowed jeans and I telecommute one day a week. I shouldn’t complain.

Me: Thanks for getting dressed for school so responsibly! You look lovely.J: Thanks! I feel pretty.Me: I’m so glad. I think it’s far more important to feel pretty than look pretty. Of course, you look pretty too, but confidence is the biggest contributor to looking pretty.J: Nuh-uh!Me: Oh?J: Love! Love is the most important! Like I love my sister.Me: You’re right.J: Confidence too. (Clicks her tongue.) Both. Love and confidence makes you pretty.Me: Love you!J: Love you.

Sadia (rhymes with Nadia) has been coordinating How Do You Do It? since late 2012. She is the divorced mother of 7-year-old monozygotic twins, M and J. She lives with them and their 3 cats in the Austin, TX suburbs and works full time as a business analyst. She retired her personal blog, Double the Fun, when the girls entered elementary school and also blogs at Adoption.com and Multicultural Mothering.

My daughters’ second grade teacher has given them permission to decorate their daily folders with stickers. My daughter J asked if she could use a dollar of her savings to buy stickers. I told her she could, but might want to check out the sticker bin in the art centre first.

Soon afterward, I found both 7-year-olds rummaging through stickers.

J: Mom! We have some really great stickers in here.Me: I know! You’ve had them all along.M: I knew they were there, but I didn’t really look. I’m not such a sticker person.Me: You guys went through a period, when you were about 3, when you were all about stickers. They were your favourite thing ever.M: More than sisters?Me: Well, no.M: That’s what I thought.

These kids have no clue how much joy their love for one another brings me.

Sadia (rhymes with Nadia) has been coordinating How Do You Do It? since late 2012. She is the divorced mother of 7-year-old monozygotic twins, M and J. She lives with them and their 3 cats in the Austin, TX suburbs and works full time as a business analyst. She retired her personal blog, Double the Fun, when the girls entered elementary school and also blogs at Adoption.com and Multicultural Mothering.

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