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I don't know what to do anymore. I'm too far in to just openly confess to my wife that I have been cheating on her. I'm afraid it is too late to come clean and she will leave me. We don't have kids yet. I still love my wife. We've been married for 3 years. I wasn't always like this. The thought of another woman just drives me crazy now. I don't know when it started, it just is like this right now, and has been for the past year or so. I finally gave in to my urges. My wife is still very attractive, she gets hit on by guys younger than her sometimes. I don't know why I started cheating. I started cheating on her by first joining adult websites and started flirting with other single women, sometimes I pretended to be single, sometimes I openly admitted I was married. I found it more of a turn on when I openly admitted my wife was not home and I have been married for 3 years. The affair has been going on for 2 months, we have had intercourse several times. It's getting worse as the girl I met from *******.com seems to have the same fetish/problem I have, she wants me to take her to our house and have intercourse in our bed. We have only been to motels together.

I am almost certain that my wife knows about this or suspects something is wrong as I have been cold for the past couple of months, I don't know what to do. I tried different things in the bedroom and spending more time with her, but I just don't feel anything for her anymore. I'm ashamed to admit that I even read your signs to find out if your husband is cheating just so I could do the opposite and AVOID her finding out. I just wanted to share this with you even if you classify people like me as "cheating bastards", any advice you can give me I will try to put in action. Found you through the chat cheaters forum and your posts made me feel terribly guilty, as if I wasn't already.

Andrew

It's simple, STOP cheating on your wife, tell her openly if you want to continue with your relationship. If you don't want to continue your relationship, tell her that too. Be civil about it and don't wait for her to catch you cheating.

Cheating husbands, no matter why or how they started cheating, need to tell their wives. Judging from your email, you don't want to continue your relationship with her anymore. Stop wasting her time and tell her that you're cheating on her. At least let her get on with her life and find a relationship that she can be happy in.

I'm not sure if this email is to provoke me or annoy me but I decided to post it anyway. Sorry if you are being sincere but I just hate cheating spouses.

If you love your wife, and you want to stop being a cheat, tell her openly and ask her to forgive you. See a marriage councilor. You may have some sort of fetish that makes you lose control and cheat on your wife.

Because of this, I'm actually going to research on marriage councilors, so whether or not this email was just to annoy me, it also gave me some ideas.

Go tell her everything. Right now. Skip work tomorrow if you have to. Go tell your wife everything right now before she actually starts thinking of ways to catch a cheating spouse. If she loves you, she will always forgive you, although the trust won't come back instantly, it will in time.

I don't consider EVERY husband that cheats a cheating bastard. Some cheating spouses actually want to change, and cheat because of some sort of psychological disorder they have.

4 comments:

Andrew
said...

Telling her is not an option, that will result in an almost certain break up. Even if I don't feel sexually attracted to her I think I still love her. Councilors are a waste of money. They will just tell me what I already know. Letting someone else know beside the person I'm cheating with makes me feel a whole lot better. And ofcourse I do want to change it's just hard for me to do right now.

You are such a selfish Bastard. For God's sake tell her and let her get on with her life. Have you not ever thought about the danger you are putting her in? You could easily be putting her at risk of catching an STD.

I just found out that my husband of 2 yrs. has been cheating on me for most of that time off and on with the same woman. I have told him if he wasn't happy to tell me but to never lie on me or cheat on me. After I found out he wants to work things out, Excuse the hell out of me but I am not the one in the wrong, I was not the one screwing around.

Helpful Links

If you're 100% sure that your friend is cheating on their spouse, would you tell their spouse?

Would you sacrifice your happiness and stay in a disfunctional marriage for your children's sake?

Ways To Take Action

National Domestic Violence Hotline (US Only)
If your spouse is physically, sexually or emotionally abusive, or you know of someone who is being abused, talk to them and make them call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Government trained counselors will give you advice and help you select from all the available local programs you can join for dealing with domestic violence. Help is available in more than 139 languages. Don't be afraid to "out" your abusive spouse, especially if you are a man being emotionally abused.
http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/

Surviving Infidelity Forum
Vent your infidelity problems. This is another huge help in your recovery. Let others know of your problems, and how you've dealt with it, as well as listen to their stories. Our forum is moderated, and allows you to be anonymous. We don't tolerate spammers and flamers. Update 2014: Due to large amounts of spam, we've frozen both forums. It's almost impossible to keep up with the spam unless we get volunteer mods. You can still leave comments on either blogs.
http://howtocatchacheatinghusband.blogspot.com/p/forum.html

Join a support group
Alcoholics have alcoholics anonymous, victims of infidelity have anonymous infidelity support groups. Being a former attendee, and Mike being a former coordinator, we believe this to be a huge help in recovering from an affair. This is not only limited to Americans, search the list of countries here.
http://www.beyondaffairs.com/BAN/cities.htm