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Do you Borrow Money From SO?

So I haven't worked since having our daughter in March, I've been living off my tax return to pay my bills and such. I'm running out and just got hired for a job but haven't started. (2 more weeks!)

So today I ask SO if he could spare twenty bucks ($20) for gas he says "yes, till when"? As in when will I be paying him back?

I really didn't think it was that big a deal asking for a little money till I get a pay check. Am I wrong for not expecting to OWE him the money? I know he pays all the bills in the house, but the only reason I wasn't working for so long was becasue he switched his job shift (claiming that he would get more hours so he would have more money) making it harder for me to find a job around the kids.

I got a job and haven't started yet. I'm not lazy and sit around the house, I go to school online, cook clean and run errands for him. I don't ask for money generally. Hell yesterday I had to super glue my sneakers back together. My skin peeled for 2 weeks before I could get money to get the proper lotion. I just feel that I shouldn't OWE him anything as far as the $20. Am I wrong?

I can borrow from him if I need it , which is never, but I am never expected to pay him back and vice versa. We have "my money", "his money" and "our money" in this household. That's how it works for us.

As far as "controlling with finances" - I've seen plenty of ladies here who do not have income, and their SO/DH will control them with money. He can go out or buy extras, and the poor wife can't even leave the house because she has not a dime in her pocket.

But let's move past that, because you went where I was thinking when I asked the first 2 questions. Your original post made me wonder if he is so standoffish about his money because he is not certain about your future together - do you feel this is the case? Or do you think that he does love you and is committed, but that is just his personality? Does he show love for you and commitment in other ways? Refer easily to future plans together with you? Did this behavior get worse when you no longer had a paycheck coming in?

Sorry for so many questions!! But sometimes thinking through it can help clarify where he is. He may love you, want to be with you forever, and just be a big scrooge. OR it could be something deeper.

Quoting Anonymous:

No not married ( I can't picture him buying me a ring). We'll be celebrating our 4th christmas together we've live together for about 3 years.

He doesn't really buy me things. Like he buys food for all of us, he'll buy the one kind of beer I like (which honestly I could do without). Once he bought me flowers. the last few Christmas/birthday gifts were DVD's, but that was a couple years ago.

Not sure what you mean by "controlling with finances". He's the only one working and bringing in a check, so natuarally he controls all the money since he has it all. He pays all his bills plus the house bils/ rent. I show him a list of what we need from the market and he'll take me.

I'm not a "spender". We don't talk about money. I try to but he just sits there in silence. I've ask about getting a joint savings account to strat saving for a house. He said he'd rather get his own, he's not a fan of joint accounts. I don't feel like we're "building a life together". He only wants his name on the morgage. I refuse to move into "his" house. Think maybe its time to move on.

Quoting CoolRelax:

You refer to him in the post as SO. Does that mean you are not married? How strong is the relationship? I would take it as a bad/weird sign if my hubs was hesitant to give me $20, even if the relationship wasn't on the marriage track at the time. Does he never spend money on you? Has he been controlling with finances since you haven't been bringing in a paycheck?

You have to decide if "borrowing" money is going to be ok with you in your relationship, especially since you are going to work as well. Have a talk with him about finances, and figure out what his feelings are and how you will combine and distribute your funds. The quick answer is "his is mine and mine is his" but that doesn't work for every single couple, especially if you have different spending habits. I'm the "spender" in my marriage, and I have less access to all the money than my hubs. Someone else might be upset about that, but I understand it's one of the reasons that we still have a home and our bills are paid, lol. Figure out what works for the 2 of you.

Sometimes I borrow, for instance, if I have a bill due but don't get paid for a couple days. Sometimes I ask for money and he does not expect me to pay him back. We are not married, but live like a married couple and he has told me before it's OUR money. Although I don't take advantage of this if I really need it he will help me, no questions asked.

Well then that makes sense. The kids and I spent the whole summer in the house (and the local park) becasue I didn't have a car and he doesn't want me taking his. eventually my mom gave me a car. But he has the time o his life. He makes enough money to not have to worry about whats in his bank account and spend freely while still paying the bills. He currently out buying a new video game as I type. He goes out for drinks aafter work once a week.

I just stay home. Friends invite me out places (the zoo, lunch, drinks) but I don't go because I just don't have the money. The more I talk about it the more I want to leave. I don't feel he sees this relationship as a commitment.

PS: two days later and he still hasn't given me the money.

Quoting CoolRelax:

As far as "controlling with finances" - I've seen plenty of ladies here who do not have income, and their SO/DH will control them with money. He can go out or buy extras, and the poor wife can't even leave the house because she has not a dime in her pocket.

But let's move past that, because you went where I was thinking when I asked the first 2 questions. Your original post made me wonder if he is so standoffish about his money because he is not certain about your future together - do you feel this is the case? Or do you think that he does love you and is committed, but that is just his personality? Does he show love for you and commitment in other ways? Refer easily to future plans together with you? Did this behavior get worse when you no longer had a paycheck coming in?

Sorry for so many questions!! But sometimes thinking through it can help clarify where he is. He may love you, want to be with you forever, and just be a big scrooge. OR it could be something deeper.

Quoting Anonymous:

No not married ( I can't picture him buying me a ring). We'll be celebrating our 4th christmas together we've live together for about 3 years.

He doesn't really buy me things. Like he buys food for all of us, he'll buy the one kind of beer I like (which honestly I could do without). Once he bought me flowers. the last few Christmas/birthday gifts were DVD's, but that was a couple years ago.

Not sure what you mean by "controlling with finances". He's the only one working and bringing in a check, so natuarally he controls all the money since he has it all. He pays all his bills plus the house bils/ rent. I show him a list of what we need from the market and he'll take me.

I'm not a "spender". We don't talk about money. I try to but he just sits there in silence. I've ask about getting a joint savings account to strat saving for a house. He said he'd rather get his own, he's not a fan of joint accounts. I don't feel like we're "building a life together". He only wants his name on the morgage. I refuse to move into "his" house. Think maybe its time to move on.

Quoting CoolRelax:

You refer to him in the post as SO. Does that mean you are not married? How strong is the relationship? I would take it as a bad/weird sign if my hubs was hesitant to give me $20, even if the relationship wasn't on the marriage track at the time. Does he never spend money on you? Has he been controlling with finances since you haven't been bringing in a paycheck?

You have to decide if "borrowing" money is going to be ok with you in your relationship, especially since you are going to work as well. Have a talk with him about finances, and figure out what his feelings are and how you will combine and distribute your funds. The quick answer is "his is mine and mine is his" but that doesn't work for every single couple, especially if you have different spending habits. I'm the "spender" in my marriage, and I have less access to all the money than my hubs. Someone else might be upset about that, but I understand it's one of the reasons that we still have a home and our bills are paid, lol. Figure out what works for the 2 of you.

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