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Saturday, November 17, 2012

A month of unwanted visitors.

As any good horror story it all started about a month ago while my friend and I were alone at her house baking with our kids. Katie and Dexter were playing with their spare dishwasher, yes I have a friend with an extra dishwasher I am jealous, when a spider that about as big as I have seen in a long time crawled across their fingers. I threw the kids against the wall and started screaming. I think my friend thought someone had died. It was horrible.Her four year old came running in to kill it. I felt foolish that a four year old was less scared of spiders than I but hey what can I spay spiders are EW. The spider ended up crawling back into its safe haven and was never to be seen again.
More spider grossness after the cut

So the next day Dexter and I were playing outside when I notice he is hunched over in the corner talking to himself. I thought it was odd but he is two so its okay if he talks to himself in the corner right? Well I decide to go check on him and there it is, a lizard. A lizard is not so bad and Dexter is being UBER cute so I start filming him. He is talking to the lizard like it is his best friend "Hey lizard what are you doing today? How are you. You are lizard" Ya know what you usually talk to lizards about. That's when the lizard decided to get up and leave, and what better way to make your grand exit than by running between Dex's legs and straight for me? Once again a high pitched little sissy girl scream came out of me. We decided to go in for a while. Well later we needed to go out so I was putting the chairs up in the garage (where the lizard had been) and as I am putting one of the chairs up the lizard just happened to be. As I am putting the chair away the stupid lizard jumped off his perch doing this crazy back flip flailing move and came right at my face. I threw Dexter against the car and screamed. I think I may of even peed my pants a little. I have two kids bladder control is a joke now. All Dexter could say was "Mamma no like lizard??"
Cut to that evening and we are outside and Phill is doing some gardening. This is South GA its way to hot to ever make our yard look nice type gardening. He is cutting back one of our bush/flower things with the weed whacker when this ugly humming bird came flying out. Yes I called it ugly. I swear things in this area can not be pretty and colorful. It was all brown and looked like a gross over grown moth. It flies around him for a minute then comes at me. Why are these things just drawn to me?? Well after screaming and running in circles it finally left me alone. It would just so happen that three days later this same awful bird came after me again. ughh.
So this bug/creature thing has been going on for about three days now and quite frankly by this time I am not sure I can take anymore scares. But apparently that is not what the world had in mind for me. The next morning I am getting the boys in the car so I can go to the gym all early in the morning. I am getting Max in his side and I noticed something between the sliding door and the side of our van but I didn't think much of it, I get dexter in and close both doors. I was about to get in when I realized I forgot something so I am walking around the van when a frog JUMPS on me!! It jumped off the side of the van and hit me. I screamed so beyond loud that my neighbor came running out of his garage to check on me! He just looked at me and all I could do was shake my head and try to catch my breath and say "Frog" I swear that one was the worst. I still shutter just thinking about it. eww it touched me!!gross.
So I thought that was as bad as it can get right. A frog jumping off a car and landing on me. No, no it can and did get worse.
A few days ago I had checked the mail about three times because I was waiting on something fun. Well I go to check the mail again and I see we have mail! Hooray! I anxiously reach my hand in when I see something I jump back. Dexter was standing next to me I pulled my hand out and shoved him behind me. The poor kid is going to start thinking I am abusive every time a bug is involved. Well I look in my mail box to see a better view of what is in there. It is the most awful ugly huge disgusting nasty scary spider I have ever seen in my life. I could see its eyes and fangs clearly that is how big it was. I screamed again. and again. And then one more time for good measure. I rush Dexter to the driveway and as I am standing there Phillip came home from work. I am just standing their pointing say "SPIDER SPIDER" He goes to look and I could tell even he was grossed out by it. He said when he killed it, he used some kind of chemical that it backed up and stuck its two hind legs in the air. And he could see his fangs. I looked up the spider online and it is called a jumping spider. They are poisonous I am so glad it did not bite me when I stuck my hand in the mail box.
Then Tuesday morning we had play group at my house, as Jennifer was leaving and I was showing off how I have not killed my flowers yet and there was a giant yellow and black spider there. It had made its web between the house and the flowers. Luckily she stepped on it for me. It was over quick.
Then Tuesday night I was cleaning up Halloween decorations. Yes I was cleaning up Halloween decorations the second week in November. Anyways, I was picking up some bats off the floor and I saw what I thought was a worm. As I was picking them up the stupid thing lifted its head up and hissed at me! I screamed so loud and ran over to the couch picked up Dexter and just perched there. I refused to get off the couch till Phillip killed it. It was just a rat snake but it was so gross. Just thinking about it hissing at me still gives me the willies!
Hopefully I am done with the gross creatures attacking me phase of my life. Otherwise I am leaving.