Killer Klowns from Kansas on Krack

Many people think Ed Wood Jr. is the absolute worst film maker ever to pinch out a movie, but they’re very wrong. I know, because Charles E. Cullen is that bastard. It’s pretty hard to describe this feature without making it sound 14 times better than it really is, so it’s best to ignore the following rant and go watch something that’ll ultimately enrich your life instead of sucking your mind dry of the will to live (and possibly pushing you into thinking an afternoon of murder/suicide at the mall could be a good thing).

Incredibly, this absolutely awful, time-stealing hunk of crap is even worse and far more shoddy than Cullen’s previous SUPER BADASS (98) - a movie I can now regard (after viewing this) as a fucking masterpiece. Horribly long at 100 excruciatingly bad, inept, piss-poor minutes, Cullen even provides the limping country music soundtrack which jumpcuts every time there’s an edit, which is not only technically dumb, it’s really, really, really, really, annoying and makes this shot on video, zero budget stinkball practically unwatchable. Then again, maybe you have to be on crack to endure it or you’re supposed to watch it in FF or I’m completely missing the joke..... Nope, fuck it. This is a just shit. Seriously, if you put this movie on a stick, you could hoist it aloft and truthfully announce to the world “Hey look! I got shit on a stick!”. Go ahead tho’, you fucking watch it. It’s about rodeo clowns and has drunken, drug dealing puppets, an evil preacher cult, very long, unedited out-takes, unending zoom shots, fake noses, a cap gun fight, repeated scenes and a man in a chicken suit. Buy it with money from Chuck himself at cullenstudios.net.