All right, I returned to the main storyline, and immediately got to the part where I have to work for the Spartans in order to get close enough to the Wolf to assassinate him.

I’m not sure, though…was Elpenor, the guy who hired us to kill the Wolf of Sparta, himself an Athenian? Because you’re right that it seems pretty odd to kill a bunch of Athenians while attempting to help the Athenians by getting rid of the Spartan general (though war is a complex matter!), but I’m not sure Elpenor is actually on the Athenian SIDE, exactly. I think maybe he was just a merchant who was annoyed by the war’s interference with his trading, or something.

Anyway, you’re absolutely right, we’re now working for the Spartans, with a lot of question marks and much-more-reasonably-leveled challenges all around. I went and recovered a stolen wax tablet with some plans or something, and then I found a fort where I need to sneak in and burn some supplies, but I didn’t finish that. Apparently we’re supposed to weaken the entire region of Mageris to the point that the Spartans can take over? This “nation power” mechanic suggests we’re going to be basically taking over all the regions one by one until we rule Greece (ha, good luck, no one ever tried that!), but we’ll see how it goes.

Butch:

Ah, good. We’re at the same place. Main story wise, anyway. I cannot speak for side quests.

Told you there’d still be question marks.

Oh, right. I just assumed that he wanted Wolfie dead because war. But I just remembered….

This is AC game! Right? RIGHT!

So who the fuck knows. We certainly do know that bloodlines matter (no way that he hired her to kill her own dad by accident, cuz AC), weird alien shit happens, and people have motives, man. MOTIVES.

There was that line: Kassandra: “I’m not an assassin.” Him: “First time for everything.”

I mean, shit. Right? I’m right when I say I mean, shit.

It does suggest that we’re going to try to take over Greece, which makes me a tad nervous. It’s kinda reminiscent of Mafia 3, where you had to weaken dudes, kill the boss, take over the area over and over and that got tedious, didn’t it? I have a real fear that each zone will be “Destroy this, steal that, kill him, boss fight,” and that’s a lot of regions in which to do that. That bullshit distracted from the main story of Mafia 3 (which was a good main story), and I don’t want this game to fall into the same trap.

Feminina:

You’re right…there’s no way Elpenor just accidentally happened to hire the Wolf’s daughter to go kill the Wolf. There’s some larger plot in play here! Possibly involving aliens and/or French Canadians! It’s gonna be great.

And I did notice that the guy we talked to is the Wolf’s son, but his adopted son rather than Alexios…who I nevertheless still suspect is out there somewhere. We shall see. We’re gonna love it.

Butch:

I, too, expect Alexios.

Though I was thinking…

Kassandra and Alexios both had THEIR blood on that spear, right? Which means eventually they’re gonna get stabbed by it. Both of them. Right?

Feminina:

That is rather the implication. Sibling rivalry, man.

I mean, in theory there could be, say, skin cells from one of them worn into the wood, and blood from the other who got stabbed, but in practice…seems likely they’re both going to be getting stabbed at some point.

Or maybe they’re both wounded and bleeding and they collapse on top of the spear? I mean, there are countless scenarios that COULD explain it.

But somehow, one rather suspects they’re both going to get stabbed.

Butch:

Well, one of the necessary narrative conceits of all AC games is knowing that the person you’re playing is gonna die. This game takes place 3000 years ago or so, so even if Kassandra lived to be 97, she ain’t around today. Thus, her getting stabbed by the magical spear wouldn’t be all that surprising.

Nor would her becoming an assassin. There’s got to be a reason that the hipsters are looking at her. This isn’t some “Oh, hey, found this old spear, got some blood on it, wonder who it is?”

I played some to catch up.

Found that guy’s tablet. Found another tablet that says “a contract to kill someone. The description sounds a lot like you” (which, let’s face it, how can “Kill the hot ‘n’ sassy one NOT be me?” I kid, it doesn’t say that. Or does it?) Magpied. Found good loot. Found out, mercifully, that bandit camps are often Athenian, and raiding them lowers the defense thing. Killed, like, four dudes, got loot, lowered the meter.

Here’s a thing: You find any of those note things that pop up in “location objectives?” I’ve found a couple, and they seem like treasure maps, don’t they? Or, at least, treasure riddles? Haven’t made heads or tails of them. You?

Feminina:

Yeah, they definitely seemed specifically interested in this particular spear, hence presumably the particular people whose blood they expected to find on it.

Although honestly, with a murder tool, is that really the best approach? I mean, the thing exists to stab people. And as we see, it gets used for this A LOT. There’s going to be A LOT of peoples’ blood on it. I suppose our modern-day protagonists could be following up on ancient legends saying that the last people to be stabbed with this weapon were proto-Assassins or whatever, but otherwise, they could be digging up DNA from half of ancient Greece.

Hm.

Yes, I’ve found a couple of those notes. Also can’t make much of them. Perhaps it will be explained later.

Also, speaking of finding things, have you found any “aenigmata ostraka” or whatever? I see them on location objectives, but haven’t found any. Even the one back at Morkos’ vineyard. For shame.

Butch:

Well, hipster assistant did say “Hey, it was hard to isolate these two from everything on it.” There. Plot hole filled. Which I must point out because that’s likely the only time I’ll be able to say that in this game.

Dude, that’s exactly what I’m talking about! Those notes!

What did YOU find?

Feminina:

Oh, OK, then I haven’t found any. I found some random piece of parchment or something that showed up in my inventory.

Well, maybe once you get a lot of them, you can assemble them into some coherent directions to treasure?

Butch:

Nah, they’re all like, well, the one I just found is “It’s dangerous out there, so I don’t leave often. When I do, I go northwest of the battlefield in the occupied forest. There you will find me at the feet of the wine god himself!”

Like…..ok?

One was “Blah blah Odysseus went north from his temple and did…whatever…there you will find your reward on a slaughtered goat.”

So they seem to be little “find cool shit” riddles. I guess.

Ikaros will highlight them, like treasure chests. Next time you’re in a place with one, just eagle eye all around until he sees something that pops as a little scroll thingy. Or, he usually will. He seems to do a better job with it when they’re out in the open. Caves? Less so.

Feminina:

Ah, Ikaros. I need to use him more often. I think I did find one of those, then…definitely something with a cryptic little message, that showed up as a tablet-looking thing? And yeah, if it mentions ‘reward’ you figure there has to be treasure involved. I’ll…look into those. When I run out of question marks.

Butch:

Oh, dude. Ikaros is KEY. Love that birdie. I use him all the time.

Only annoyance is when I accidentally find the wrong quest. “Ah, there’s what I need.” Why is it surrounded by level 20 guys? You don’t need that yet! REALLY!

Just let Femmy deal with that shit.

Feminina:

Yeah! I’ll sneak right in there, steal the level 22 weapon from the chest, and run off! Completely useless mission accomplished!

Butch:

Well, at least your endgame won’t drag.

Game: Raid that camp!Femmy: Done.Game: Kill that guy!Femmy: So ahead of you.Game: Climb that mountain!Femmy: What, that one I did on level six?Game: Build that fence!Femmy: ………….shit.

Feminina:

Siiiiiiigh…fine, I’ll build the fence. And feed the cows.

Freakin’ epilogues, man. RDR2 ruined the concept for everyone.

Butch:

Might as well just build the fence now. Though it’s likely a level 38 fence.

Feminina:

Hotmail’s suggested replies:

“That’s what I was thinking.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“That’s a good idea.”

So…yeah. I was thinking of that bad-good idea! I guess I’ll do it or not do it according to my hard-thought decision.

At least the level 38 fence should keep the damn boars off me. Seriously, I walked onto the shore and they attacked! That was really my first clue that the whole region was too tough for me.

The Pigs of Warning. “Come back later, you fool!”

Obviously, I ignored them. But they meant well! Trying to kill me was for my own good, really.

Butch:

HA! The pigs of warning.

Heed the pigs of warning!

T SHIRT!!!!

Maybe you just bumped into them. I’ve been trying SO HARD not to bump into anyone because RDR2 conditioned me to think the merest bump was an invitation to a gunfight. This is very difficult when there’s dudes EVERYWHERE. My damn boat! Like, where do they all sleep? Where do they all go to the bathroom?

Every time I bump I’m all “AIEE! NO I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT oh you’re cool.”

Some earlier AC games had a mechanic where you had to walk carefully through the streets because they’d always be filled with people carrying boxes, and if you bumped them they’d instantly drop their boxes which would instantly shatter into crumbs, and then they’d be mad at you, and they wouldn’t attack you or anything, but if enough people were mad at you the guards would notice.

I certainly haven’t seen that here.

Ha…there would also be groups of minstrels in the cities that if they spotted you would run up and swarm around you, playing lutes and singing and potentially attracting the guards’ attention unless you flung some gold at them. Then in AC Brotherhood there was a storyline where you had to beat up some minstrels and steal their clothes and pretend to be a minstrel yourself, and Ezio said “minstrels…I’m going to enjoy this,” and it was totally awesome, because we all hated those damn minstrels and loved him for hating them too.

Good times, man. Good times.

Butch:

I remember them! I remember in AC4 you could use them and other crowds as cover!

Though the boxes are just weird.

Feminina:

Yes, hiding in crowds was a nice mechanic which doesn’t seem to be available here. Though the cities are in general much smaller and there aren’t really “crowds” in the same way, so I guess it sort of makes sense.

Butch:

“I’m hiding in this crowd of soldiers….so I can assassinate soldiers.”

“HEY! Who killed Kevin?”“Dunno, boss.”“Who’s that behind you, other Kevin?”“Uh….not sure. But she sure is glowing blue.”“Oh, well. Can’t see her then. Hey! Who killed other other Kevin?”

Feminina:

Alas, it was never quite that easy. I could only ever hide in crowds of civilians, and if you assassinate too many of them, you desynchronize.

Not that I’ve ever accidentally stabbed minstrels to death when I meant to throw them coins, or anything.

Yesterday, I decided I HAD to play. Younger kids were occupied, Junior was doing his homework, I thought “Now. I can sneak in some stuff now.”

So I tried. Two minutes later, Junior miraculously “finished his homework” and came out to watch. Had to pause and ask to see his completed homework which, surprise surprise, he refused to show me as it was not done. A fight ensued, and he went back to work. Unpaused. Two minutes later, Junior asks for help. Pause. Turns out he’s WAY behind on an essay due today. Help is given. As I am helping, my friend shows up. He is not into games. This disrupts the younger kids. I calm everyone, finish a boat fight, sigh dejectedly, and call it a day.

I told Mrs. McP I’m playing today when they’re at Nana’s cuz fuck it.

So help me out here, cuz this got interrupted a bunch: Kassandra’s brother was sacrificed, Kassandra got angry and killed the priest guy but failed entirely to save the brother (seriously, Kassandra, pushing them BOTH over was kinda counterproductive). This led her OWN FATHER to chuck her over the cliff and she somehow survived (did her brother? MAYBE!). Then we find that the very person she is hunting now is the very father who chucked her over the side there, who she probably has some issues about, and is probably an alien (ok, I added that last bit, but with AC, who knows?). That about it?

Oh, and, based on all that, we know that Kassandra must also be a Spartan, right? That’s new.

I also found naval combat rather frustrating, as it’s just as hard to find the range as it was in AC4, and there are no mortars, which saved my ass in AC4 countless times. But, I must ask, is it that frustrating or was it just because I had, like, five people around me distracting me?

I miss games.

Feminina:

Yeah, that’s pretty much it. Annoying to be distracted in the middle of all that backstory, but you caught it all.

And yeah, that heroic attempt to save her brother did not seem to actually help him at all, but here’s my theory: the priest cushioned his fall, and he survived, whereas otherwise he would have died. As you said, she survived the fall so he could have too, but since he’s a baby, it would have been easier for him if someone else landed underneath him to break the fall, and then maybe he could cling to their corpse with his tiny hands until he drifted ashore or was found by sailors or something. And I expect he did, because our tech person back near the beginning said she found two sets of DNA on the spear, and it’s possible Alexios liked to chew on it as a baby and that made a lasting impression, but it’s also possible (even likely!) that he shows up later to hold it as a grown-up and bleed on it or something.

Or maybe she has to fight him because the fates have placed them on opposing sides of whatever turns out to be the great conflict of the game, and she stabs him with the spear, or he takes it away and stabs her with it, or both, and that’s how his blood and DNA gets on it. Anyway, I’m sure it will be very exciting, and we’re gonna love it.

And it does appear that she’s a Spartan, although not a very good one or she would have stood expressionlessly by and watched her brother be thrown over the cliff, instead of whining and making a big fuss about what is obviously the will of the gods.

It was probably the bad influence of her mother, another pathetic weakling who was sitting there wailing about her precious infant instead of gladly serving the will of the gods. Which, since it presents the only female people in the scene as the ones objecting, does make me a little curious how it would have read to us if we were playing as a boy trying to save his sister’s life. I mean, I think it’s basically the same thing, it’s fairly natural for a kid not to want his or her baby sibling thrown off a cliff (well, maybe a little, if the baby just got drool on his or her favorite spear, but not REALLY), so it would be fine–it would just be a kind of interesting break in the otherwise rather uniform male acceptance of this particular religious rite. Hm.

Having this in the background also provides some context for why she might have fought the priests who were imposing that Quarantine With Extreme Prejudice on the burned village. She could be rather skeptical of priests in general at this point. (Or she could overcome her doubts, see the wisdom of their argument and let them prevent the spread of plague, as you did.)

Butch:

OK, we’ll go with all that. I forgot about the DNA on the spear! That is suggestive, isn’t it? Or it’s just a gameplay device. Or aliens.

OK, got to Megaris, after much pausing to loot a shipwreck and recruit an archer and get distracted by a fort and sail around going “JESUS THREE SHIPS JESUS I HATE THIS.”

So NOW let me get this straight…..

In order to kill her father, she has to HELP her father by helping her not brother/kinda brother kill the very people that her father is trying to kill so she can kill her father for hairy chest man.

That about it?

I mean, shit. I’m confused as hell and I haven’t even gotten to the aliens.

And now I’m here and there are question marks and quests and DAMN man.

Feminina:

Ha! Dude, can’t help you, you just passed me in the main story as I’ve been delayed in Boeothia looting treasure from 34th level foes and haven’t even made it to Megaris.

But I’m going to say yeah, that sounds about right.

Butch:

I’ve passed….

Dude.

Once you leave the hinterlands, you pick up the archer (you done that?), sink boats (Please say you’ve done that), and sail a LITTLE BIT and it vortexes you into this long cutscene. You don’t even have to get off the damn boat!

I can hear it now:

Game: Ok, I’ve made it very easy for you to follow the story here….Femmy: Whoo hoo!Game: Where are you going?Femmy: Question Marks!Game: Yes, but those are in a level 34 zone…clearly marked….Femmy: Who cares!Game: You’ll just get killed….Femmy: LOOT!Game: Yes, that you can’t use….Femmy: GREAT loot!Game: Butch, I thought you said she played games for the narrative.Butch: I don’t get it either, game.Femmy: WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Femmy….return to the narrative please. I promise, there’s more than enough magpie fuel once you get there. PLENTY of magpie fuel.

Seriously.

Feminina:

I have picked up the archer and sunk a few boats, and then–right then–instead of proceeding ahead to the next quest point where I should obviously go, I veered left, landed on a shore where even the freaking wild boars killed me with a single hit (and those boars are ANGRY for some reason! they came after me as if they suspected me of helping to locate great-granddad’s pig spear), and the rest is history. A history composed of chasing question marks.

Pretty much exactly as in your re-enactment. Wheeeeee!!!!

You’re even right about the loot: it’s good stuff!–that I can’t wear for another 26 levels.

Sorry, man. The magpie is strong in me. I’ll tear myself away next time I play.

Speaking of loot, I do like that you can upgrade things, so if you have something you like you can bring it along with you through the levels. I’d hate to have to trade my ‘rare’ gear for boring normal gear, just because it had become ridiculously underpowered for me.

Butch:

You had, like, maybe three nanoseconds to veer left before the quest triggered! I was 300 meters away when the screen went dark and I thought it crashed but no. Cutscene.

Only you.

I do like that rationale on the boars. Join PETA or DIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!

Do come back to the story. I promise, PROMISE, there will be more than enough question marks in Megaris to keep you busy. And, guess what? SIDE QUESTS!

You think the engravings do that much? I’ve tried them, but the new loot is always better. I do know the temptation not to get rid of “rare” for “common,” though.

Though someday we’ll get EPIC stuff! In Mergaris, I learned of another bounty hunter (level 30, so, you know, easy for you) and his reward is an EPIC staff!

It made me feel inadequate. Here I was, proud to have a sword that does 98 damage, and his staff?

1044.

This is why you are dying.

Main story, dude.

Feminina:

That’s me. Finding the 2-second window between “veer left for magpie” and “carry on for cutscene.”

I blame wild boars.

Although also I blame Barnabas, because I actually turned around and did some quest for him about a carpenter after the archer, and THEN I veered left. Did you go looking for a guy’s brother on a pirate island?

I tried one engraving, and I agree, it wasn’t that impressive, but I like the boost from normal equipment to ‘rare.’ Or maybe I just like that it comes with a cool, shiny background color. Style counts, you know.

There’s probably a lot of epic stuff in Boeothia, where I will find it when I come back here at 34th level.

Butch:

Yes. Come back. As in LEAVE NOW. And go to the main story. I guarantee you will get up to date, then promptly abandon it anyway for far easier question marks.

I did not do that for Barnabas. I should. I kinda like the guy. I mean, he’s no Adewale, but he’s cool.

Style does count, but not all that much, it seems. Most of my best gear is Athenian, so I was tricked out in it when I strolled up on the beach to make nice with the Spartan soldiers. They didn’t seem to mind.

Go figure.

Feminina:

Ah, Adewale. Good times. Great chanties.

Helpful, though perhaps unrealistic, that the Spartans don’t look askance at you for showing up in Athenian gear. Perhaps they could tell just by the way you wear it that you looted it all, and are no Athenian yourself.

“Mercenaries,” they probably think to themselves. “At least she’s been killing the right people lately.”

Butch:

They always seem to know she’s a mercenary somehow.

Feminina:

Yeah, it’s always “hey you, I’ve got a murder job for you!”

Never “excuse me, ma’am, could you possibly direct me to the giant statue of naked Zeus?”

Or “would you be interested in some delicious wild boar sandwiches? Made fresh today!”

No, always with the “find my missing family member who was stolen by people you’ll have to murder,” or “track down the murderous bandits who stole my stuff,” or “that dude over there looks like he could use a touch of murdering, don’t you think?”

Maybe be something about the way we wear our hair? Or the fact that we’re bristling with weapons at all times, I suppose.

Butch:

It’s the hair. Which is rather fetching. So much so I hit “hide helmet” just to see the physics. It is, after all, so hard to animate.

I couldn’t read this earlier because the work internet was down for a while (leaving the entire office essentially helpless…we’re quite pathetic without our network), but having read it…interesting.

I’m a bit skeptical they could pull this off in a satisfying way, with any character you chose to play actually able to participate in a meaningful, non-repetitive way in the story…and then, even if they do pull it off, is that really what we want?

Do we want to be looking at potentially hundreds of characters and thinking “what am I missing out on if I don’t play as this person? Is there valuable themeage with that one? Do I have to try every single person I see?”

Or will that just make us feel left out of 99% of the game?

And if the mechanic is not important enough to make us feel left out of that much of the game, is it important enough to have in there at all?

Obviously we can’t make any calls on this, not having played it or even read a review of the actual finished gameplay, so it would be unfair to be overly harsh. Maybe it’ll be awesome!

I’m skeptical, but maybe it will.

Anyway, as you say, we like to see people try new things, so best of luck to them.

Sadly, the nice wine I got at the wedding we attended did not help. Part of that was that I didn’t drink it (This is special occasion wine, not restore your soul wine), but it was also because my kids used up all the week’s allotment of good behavior at the wedding and were fresh out of it from then on.

I miss games. Today. I will play today.

Feminina:

Play today. I played some. Got to another region on the map, where everything is killing me instantly because everyone is level 34. Quickly learned to avoid fights, but did a bit of sneaking and stealing (just because I can’t complete the “kill the leader” objective on this camp, doesn’t mean I can’t work on the “loot treasure” one!) and got some icons on my map.

I need to move on to the next “Your Odyssey” mission, which is obviously in a completely different region. I’m only in this one because of magpieing after question marks. As one does.

So basically, I did not advance the story at all, but I ran around and looked at things and got killed a lot! Good times.

Butch:

Dude that’s some serious magpie. You went so off the beaten path that you’re meeting level 34 dudes? Dude. Back to the story with you!

You know, one mechanic that seems different in this game from other AC games (at least, the one I played) is that assassinating isn’t always an instant kill. I tried to assassinate the boss to get the shroudy thing, and I did a lot of damage, sure, but dear me my surprise when he didn’t die. I can’t remember anything in AC4 where “Assassinate” wasn’t “Kill.”

I kinda get why they did it. If you could sneak well enough that you could kill everyone in level 34 land outright, then it would be totally easy to abandon the story completely (you know, like I kinda did in AC4), and they’re trying to have more story than they had in other games. Still, makes assassinating lose a little of its magic.

Feminina:

Yes, that part is cruel. I have also repeatedly run into the fact that a nice sneak attack isn’t an insta-kill on especially tough opponents. (Like the bounty hunter, or the some of the leaders in specific locations, or people who are 26 levels higher than you.) As you say, I kind of understand why they did it, because otherwise it’s just a matter of sneak-assassinating people 26 levels higher than you who are probably associated with challenges you’re supposed to face later in the game.

But it does take the edge of assassination. Although I guess it’s not entirely that–it’s not that ‘assassination’ as a skill doesn’t work on those opponents, it’s that triangle is not ‘assassinate’ on those opponents. It just gets downgraded to a much-less-effective ‘stealth attack.’

So technically, on anyone who’s vulnerable to assassination, assassination still works great! It’s just that a number of people are now not vulnerable to assassination.

Which, again…I get why they did it, in terms of keeping some challenges off-limits at certain levels and stuff. But the thing is, the fact that it applies to some of the opponents who ARE the right level for you basically forces you into melee combat, even if your preferred style is sneaky. And I admit I kind of feel like, “hey, I just want to assassinate! Don’t make me be a tank too!”

But on the other hand, even as it is you’re commenting that every mission is the same, so if every mission could in fact be completed entirely by sneaking (or, I suppose, by sauntering in and hacking everyone), that would make them all EVEN MORE similar. So I suppose I can see why they did it in this case, too.

In previous games in this series there were certainly situations where you couldn’t just assassinate people and would have to resort to melee combat, but if I recall it was usually because there wasn’t anywhere to hide and sneak attack from (or at least, nowhere from which you could assassinate everyone who needed to die), so it was more an environmental limitation than a flat “this person is immune to assassination.”

So, yeah…I mean, again, I understand why they did it, but I’m not entirely a fan. I want to assassinate, man!

Butch:

It is a bit of a disappointment. I did read that the shift in this game to a more witcheresque melee fighting style (for a lot of it) was something people either really liked or really didn’t. I’m too soon to tell, but it certainly is a shift.

In other news, glad I didn’t drink that bottle. Did a little research, and it seems it’s a $100 bottle, which makes it, by far, the most expensive wine I’ve ever held in my hands. Go to a sober wedding and hope the materialistic investment banker cousin is clueless!

Though….I kinda don’t like that I have it. Now, knowing I will likely never have a wine like this again, the pressure is on to make the perfect meal to showcase it.

I will stress about this for months.

Sigh. Why does EVERYTHING stress me out?

Feminina:

Dude! Everything does stress you out. Many things, like your family, you have no control over, but a bottle of wine?

You cook amazing dinners all the time with perfectly fine, less-than-$100 bottles of wine. My theory is, if the wine is that great you don’t even WANT to distract attention from it by making amazing food. Make simple food and let the wine be the star of the occasion.

Either that or my REAL advice is, open it right now, take a big swig, and say to yourself “I am drinking down this delicious $100 stress, so it can trouble me no more!”

I mean, you don’t have to finish the bottle. After your swig, set it aside and share it with Mrs. McP later with the note that it’s “not a bad little wine” and that you previously opened it to let it breathe.

But seriously, either way, you defang this stress right now by refusing to yield to its pressure.

Wine isn’t the boss of you, man! Booze is for clinging to, not for making us even more stressed!

Butch:

You’re right, you’re right. I should cling to booze! And I do (in a completely normal, healthy way)! But there are the relaxing, who gives a fuck properties of cheap assed booze, and then there’s old booze. See, take the night after the wedding. I discovered that Trader Joes makes jalepeno limeade (it’s even organic!) which, let’s face it, exactly no one has ever consumed without mixing it with booze. So I mixed it with good ol’ Cuervo, some inexpensive orange vodka, and drank with abandon! No stress at all!

But when faced with booze that is older than at least one of my children, I’m all “This has been waiting….waiting….it’s been raised longer than my own offspring. This has been waiting for its destiny!”

And this wine is older than TWO of my children!

It’s like the wonder that comes from looking up at the stars, thinking that those photons left their home thousands, millions, BILLIONS of years ago, just to end their journey by hitting the back of your eye. Amazing. Humbling. Awe inspiring.

How can you disrespect the little alcohol photons? How can you make their journey in vain?

Feminina:

By preparing the simplest of humble repasts, the better to provide no distraction from their wonder.

Like, some nice crusty bread, a good cheese, maybe some grapes or strawberries. You set that on a tray. You take that tray to your nice deck with your loving spouse. A citronella candle to chase off the mosquitoes.

Then you sit on the deck, and you open this wine, and you sip it respectfully while gazing up at those stars you just mentioned and enjoying the simple, hearty flavor of the humble bread and cheese as a discreet backdrop to the glorious song of those long-ago grapes.

It’s gonna be great. You’re gonna love it.

Butch:

That…..makes perfect sense. You are a true friend. I mean, I’m keeping this wine for myself, but you are a true friend.

Feminina:

No no, you should keep that wine for your own. I’m just here to give sage advice.

Ah, been way too long since I clicked on a dialog option with a heart on it.

So what did I do? Found the shroud? Shawl? Hood? Whatever. Rescued Oddessa. Flirted with her. Didn’t even really dig her, but hey, when you can flirt, flirt. Came back, told hairy chest that I had no boat. He was all “Get one then,” so I went to get one, was told “Kill the cyclops,” so I did, but it took a very long time because charging in and fighting everyone, it seems, is a bad idea. Heh. Tried again, all stealthy. Finally killed him, called it a day.

The cinematic arrow trick is badass.

Gotta love a woman who can flirt with another woman she just let out of a cage, and then, twenty minutes later, shove an extremely valuable obsidian fake eye up a goat’s butt.

My kind of woman, that.

I’m not sure I have themes yet, but gotta say this about this game: It’s gonna make Monday much easier.

Feminina:

I kind of dig the shawl/cowl/hood/whatever, though! I feel all assassin-like when I have it on. It’s a good look.

And yeah, you gotta respect Kassandra’s ability to go from sneaking to flirting to molesting goats to murdering people in bushes at the blink of an eye. A woman of many talents.

Did you get around to fighting the bounty hunter? He was really pretty tough, and immune to quick assassination, but I got him in the end with a lot of sneak attacks followed by sprinting away.

Other than the bounty hunter (who I’m not sure you even HAVE to kill, although let’s be honest, you will), you’re basically done with the Hinterlands now! You’re going to have a ship, and you’re going to set sail, and adventure awaits!

Probably. I’ve barely gotten beyond that point myself.

Butch:

It is a good look, and kudos to the game for doing what every game should do ever forever and ever: making the thing invisible in dialog scenes. I am a large fan of invisible helmets. I think my Shepard intentionally went helmetless just because I was tired of looking at a helmet in every damn dialog. See also all my NPCs in Fallout. I was nervous when I put it on, and that first dialog made me feel so much better.

Kassandra is a pretty cool hero, gotta say. And really, a different kind of female hero. Usually, female heroes fall into two groups: Sexy (Chloe, for example, or the time playing as Ciri) or, at least in the beginning, young, naive, barely more than kids (Aloy, as cool as she was). Kassandra is pretty, sure, but hardly a seductress (That we’ve seen. Remember, Chloe was banging Drake in her second scene in UC2), and she’s world weary when we meet her. She’s really the female equivalent of the gruff, growly, grumpy gun toting man hero. I’ve never seen such a thing. It’s cool.

I did fight the bounty hunter! And yes, it was a lot of sneak then sprint. Well, that mixed in with missing with the cinematic arrow and me saying “GAH! How the fuck does this work????”

It is pretty cool when it works.

And I really wanted it to work, cuz did you see when you went to bounty hunter screen that they have weaknesses? Dude had something that made him vulnerable to arrows. And he had a heart condition. Seriously.

Hooray! Enough hinterlands! I do like my captain. But two questions:

Did you have to do the cyclops bit? Cuz talking to hairy chest (I really have to learn his name), there were two options: I have a boat/I don’t have a boat. I picked don’t, cuz I didn’t, but as I did I noticed there was a little scales icon next to “I have a boat.” I didn’t know what it meant. Could you like, buy one from him? Or something? What did that mean? Could you short circuit the cyclops?

And (ok, more than two questions): I’m kinda surprised that “Go tell Markos that the Cyclops is dead” doesn’t seem to be a thing I have to do. Should I? Kinda seems like he’d want to know. Did you?

But you flirted, right? Of course you did.

Feminina:

Of course I did. The world hasn’t gone THAT far off its normal axis.

I wasn’t sure about the scales either, but I checked the internet, and apparently that icon means that the dialogue option is a lie. So we could have said we had a boat, but it wouldn’t have been true, and wouldn’t have automatically prompted an option to buy one from him. I’m not sure what difference that would have made, maybe Elpenor (the hairy guy) would have admired our cheek, or maybe he would have been annoyed, but anyway, I didn’t try it.

I guess the scales are supposed to make us think of Justice, and therefore of truth? But I, like you, initially read it as some sort of trading/buying symbol instead. Oh well. Now we know. Thanks internet! You’re a pal.

Butch:

Figured. Did you reload cuz you thought you were giving her good advice and she was all “Pfft. Shouldn’t have asked a mercenary for advice. Get away from me” to make sure you gave her advice that made her want to see you again? Cuz…uh….just saying. Heh.

And I just called her beautiful. No need to rush. I mean, I’m young, I’m single, I’m in the islands….

That means “lie,” huh? I would not have guessed that. I wonder why they feel the need to tell the player that. I knew I didn’t have a damn boat. She’s said “I wish I had a boat” about 92 times. Trading made more sense. Go figure.

So should we tell Markos? What’s with Markos? I kinda forgot about Markos.

Feminina:

Reload? No way, man. I gave her what I thought was good advice: she’s not into it? No problem, she has every right to her own opinion. I’ve said my piece. We’ll meet again, or not, as the fates decree.

Yeah, I didn’t think “lie” when I saw that symbol at all. Nor, apparently, did many other people on the internet who asked about it. Just an interesting iconographic decision, I guess. I’m sure it was covered somewhere in the load screen advice I wasn’t reading.

I think you don’t have to seek out Morkos, but he shows up to say goodbye when you’re leaving and I assumed all the important news was conveyed at that point. Or before. I mean, the island is only about 30 feet across, and I’m sure someone would have thought the news of Cyclops’ death was worth spreading.

Butch:

Noble of you. I, however, gotta keep my options open. I didn’t wait this long for a game with heart dialog to screw it up in the damn hinterlands.

I dunno, man. I’m reading those screen hints and I didn’t see anything about scales. Mostly because I like irrelevant historical facts! And remembering how to parry, which I always forget.

The island is rather small. I sorta didn’t buy Kassandra’s ignorance. “I have never been off this island…but I’ll swim to that one now in thirty seconds.” “I never knew this temple was here…despite it being half the damn island you can see clearly from the biggest village…”

Feminina:

Ha! Yeah, some of these long-lost features are fairly implausible. Especially considering how easily she can climb up sheer rock faces. I mean, MAYBE a long-lost temple could remain lost out of sight if it were at the top of an unscalable cliff or something, but nothing is out of Kassandra’s reach!

I dunno, maybe she was just always too busy chasing around on Morkos’ business to explore every square inch of the island before we got here. It takes the intervention of a player to suddenly make all the same-old humdrum nooks and crannies of your tiny boring island look interesting.

Butch:

Maybe it’s all just a simulation….ya never know.

We can’t forget this is, after all, an AC game.

Did you like the line where she’s all “I’m not an assassin” and there’s a pause and he’s all “First time for everything…..”

Foreshadowing! Or not.

Feminina:

Good point! Of course it IS just a simulation, through which our modern-day protagonist relives the memories of long-dead Kassandra. Maybe that simulation involves pulling together a series of different fragments of her memories and running them all together, like “oh, that time I discovered this place I DID say “I didn’t know this was here,” although it actually happened when I was 12, not when I was in the middle of this thing with Cyclops.”

Dude. That’s totally plausible. It’s science.

Butch:

That would make far more sense than anything in Black Flag. Which isn’t saying all that much.

I think the reaction to that Death Stranding trailer should’ve been “What’s the big deal? Makes perfect sense compared to AC.”

Feminina:

Dude, stop harshing on AC. It’s a perfectly straightforward, logical story about aliens visiting Earth to interfere in human history, being revered as deities for a while, plotting to destroy everything in the Mayan Apocalypse, being thwarted by people playing video games, and then apparently going away and never being heard from again.

Until now! Maybe!

I don’t know, I keep kind of hoping things get weird again.

Butch:

I’m not harshing on AC! I like weird! Look at the people I surround myself with!

It’ll get weird. I’m sure it’ll get weird. After all, there’s that shit on the load screen, right? That suggests at least a little weird.

Found a pig farm that said “Historical location.” “Hey!” thought I, “Maybe this is themey!” Maybe it was. Couldn’t make heads or tails of it. No one would talk to me. Did I miss something? Whatever. Moved on.

Found a bandit camp. Killed dudes. Got loot.

Aaaaand that was it.

What is this, Assassin’s Creed: Destiny? This is a damn loot gathering game. I was told this one was story heavy, almost an RPG. With the exception of the plague quest, where, exactly, is this story/RPG shit I heard so much about?

Feminina:

Well, “almost an RPG” probably just means “you have dialogue options and occasionally make a choice about something.” Which we have noted. And dialogue options were certainly never part of AC before, so it’s new and different.

Story, I don’t know. Did you go look for Penelope’s scarf, or whoever? You run into someone there who…might show up again with story?

But dude, I like sneaking and hiding in the bushes and assassinating people, so I’m OK with it so far.

Butch:

That’s what I was going to do but said “Man….just….man….” and magpied. That’s next!

No, the reviews pretty much all said “Wowsers! Story and shit!” (I’m paraphrasing.) Maybe they just meant “By AC standards?” I dunno.

Did you figure out that whole “Historical location: so and so’s pig farm” deal? Or any historical location?

Seems a stretch. I mean, sure, I admit, I didn’t take Greek history or anything, but some pig farm hardly seems historical.

Of course, on that….

You’re the English major. You are well read. Did you read the Odyssey and all that? Cuz I kinda haven’t. Maybe Ulysses went to a pig farm.

Oh, and, to be sure, I got nothing against all the sneaky. It’s good sneaky. But man, it’s been all sneaky all day.

Feminina:

I did find the historic pig farm! I also was not able to make anything of it. Maybe a future quest will involve returning to it to look for…somebody’s great grandfather’s long-lost pig-spear?

I read…one of them. I can’t remember which one. The Iliad, probably, because I don’t remember reading the part about where all Ulysses’ men get turned into pigs by Circe, which is a famous bit of the Odyssey that for no reason at all occurs to me right now. I don’t remember any other reference to pigs in the one I read. I never had either of them in a class, so I just read one that I happened to stumble across, at some later point in life.

Oh, and also I read Ulysses, which is really not relevant but which also occurs to me.

And dude, you don’t HAVE to be all sneaky. Beef up your warrior stats and go tank if you want to just fight. It’s a change of pace, at least.

Butch:

Dude, AC is about sneaky! It’s not called “Tank who gives no fucks’ Creed.”

I did spring for a couple of daggers that do MAD assassin damage and have a crazy attack speed and kill everything. I recommend them.

That future quest better not be the case, unless I get a fast travel point on this damn island.

Though I do like the idea of a pig spear. “We’ve had no bacon since granddad lost the pig spear….we miss bacon.”

Ulysses is not relevant. I read that, too, when I was going through my “I’ll read Joyce to be erudite and shit” phase in college. I blame college professors.

Feminina:

“Daggers! Daggers for everyone!”

I’ll keep an eye out for them.

I also pretty much only read Ulysses to be erudite, or out of curiosity I suppose, although it was long after college, so I can’t blame that. I found parts of it rather nice, but it certainly did go on.

Some assassins could be tanks! We don’t know! This is early days for the organization.

Besides, is Kassandra even an “Assassin” according to the game’s categorization? We’ve certainly never seen her join the club or make any reference to it. I mean, clearly that could be coming in the jam-packed story that will no doubt unfold at any moment, but she’s not now, so she can do whatever she wants, and maybe that’s to be tanky!

Like Edward. He was barely aware of the Assassin/Templar thing, and only glancingly a member of the assassins.

Butch:

Yeah, but Edward’s recruitment/whatever was a big ol’ plot point, remember? It was Mary.

Mary: Edward, I have something to tell you. I’m a woman, and I’m part of an ancient-Edward: You are so not.Mary: Focus, Edward.Edward: You’ve gone mad.Mary: Sigh. What if I put on lipstick? There. That help?Edward: You totally are a woman!Mary: Good. Now that that’s out of the way….I’m part of an ancient order called the Assassins and we’re dealing with this other ancient order and maybe aliens.Edward: Ok. Go on.Mary: Wait, you believed THAT but not that I was a woman?Edward: Well, you weren’t wearing lipstick.

Maybe we’ll get something like that with Kassandra. Markos will put on lipstick or something.

Feminina:

I wouldn’t be at all surprised.

Well, maybe Morkos in lipstick would surprise me a little, but the general outline of the plot, I could totally see.

Butch:

Well, it’s gotta be something. We’re pretty sure the hipsters in the present are, in fact, assassins, yes? So if they’re interested, there’s gotta be a why.

Do you know the why? Cuz I don’t.

Feminina:

I do not. I’m only, like, an hour and a couple of naval skirmishes ahead of you, I know almost nothing.

I haven’t found any real themes yet. That, in and of itself, doesn’t make me nervous. This is Assassin’s Creed, after all, which has always been about action and over the top stories and summer movie blockbuster scenery and fun. That’s ok! That’s nice once in a while!

But if you’re going to have action and over the top stories and fun, well, you need action, over the top stories and fun.

And..well…. Let me sum up.

Yesterday, here’s what I did.

1) Killed Talos. This was basically a big melee fight.2) Stole the eye. This was sneaking around in bushes assassinating dudes, followed by a big melee fight.3) killed the newcomers. This was sneaking around in bushes assassinating dudes.4) Met hairy chest guy. Thought “Hey! Story maybe? Themes, maybe?” No. Find a shawl. Great. Let me guess: there will be bushes. And dudes.5) Wandered up towards a new quest. Some rich exile who wants me to rescue his brother. Guess what it entails? Hiding in bushes. Assassinating dudes.

I turned it off cuz I had just done that. Twice.

Now….I got nothing against sneaking around in bushes assassinating dudes. But I don’t want to do it non stop for the next umpteen hours. There’s gotta be something to break all that up. Over the top story, maybe! Action! Fun! When I’m only four and a half hours in (thank you, game clock) and already I’m all “Man, I’ve already done this SO MUCH….”

I get nervous.

Feminina:

That’s understandable. It is a lot of the same sorts of fights. Until you get out of the Hinterlands!

I can’t remember if you liked the naval combat in Black Flag, though.

The thing I used to really love about AC, which they haven’t featured lately to nearly the extent they did in the early games, was the climbing puzzles. Climbing up tall things…complicated things that you had to climb just so. They were fun and challenging and each one was a bit different and they were a great change of pace from fighting.

I feel like I maybe found one the other night, on an island, but I couldn’t figure it out, and it’s been a long time since the games did much with them so I wasn’t even sure that’s what it was, so I didn’t want to spend 100 hours on it in case it wasn’t even meant to be a puzzle. I’ll go back later! Or not.

Butch:

Ok, as long as it’s an “until” thing and not a “Yeah, Butch, strap in, it’s 90 hours of this.”

Ooo! That would be cool! Though, really, at this point, I’d settle for any puzzle.

Climbing in this one doesn’t even really seem to be trying to be hard. It’s like, who cares if you can even see the ledges? I find that if I jump up against anything, I’m going to be able to climb so long as I keep pushing up. Shit, last night I somehow got on the wrong side of this cliff/mountain, and, instead of being all “Shit, now I have to go around,” it was just “Maybe if I just hit X near it and yup, that worked, up and over!” She’s fucking spiderwoman!

Which, on one hand, yeah, good that I didn’t have to spend fifteen minutes trucking around the mountain, but, on the other hand, c’mon, game.

Are there…..dare I even ask…..shanties?

Feminina:

There are! They are, honestly, not quite as awesome as in Black Flag as far as I’m concerned, because I can’t understand any of them, but it’s still a nice touch.

I agree that climbing is almost too easy in this game. It’s nice not to have to worry about going around every hill, and it makes travel faster and easier, but on the other hand it’s just not that much of a challenge.

Butch:

Greek shanties? Wow.

Travelling is pretty easy. It’s like the opposite of RDR. You don’t really even need to plan your trip, as it were. Roads? Who needs roads? Aim at where you want to go, jump down, climb up, it’s all good.

It kind of takes some of the thought out…..

By the way, you switch to “explorer?”

Feminina:

Oh yeah, I went and looked at settings, and it was already on ‘explorer’! I chose the way the game pressured me to after all. So I have no idea what kind of chaos it must have showed you in ‘guided,’ if it already looked kind of cluttered to me. I didn’t change it to see. I was afraid.

Butch:

Dude, total chaos. Absolute chaos. Like the icon fairy barfed all over the map.

Though speaking of icons….

I haven’t left the first island yet, but I’ve only found two vantage points (Naked Zeus and some observatory). There are at least four zones, and I can’t for the life of me find vantages in the other zones. Does each zone have a vantage? What am I missing?

Feminina:

I think there are only those two viewpoints on this island. This turns out to really be a pretty small part of the total map, so there are other viewpoints on the mainland and stuff (not that I’ve been to any yet).

Butch:

Ok. Cuz there were other zones! I figured one vantage per zone, but no.

Weird.

Small part, huh? This is a big game, isn’t it?

Hope there’s more to do than sneak in bushes…

Does the story pick up some?

Feminina:

Well, there’s another flashback shortly, giving hints of a past event that may (i.e., definitely will) lead to a dramatic confrontation at some point in the future.

But hey, at least I was ahead of you. I use past tense, because there’s no way I’m still ahead of you.

Just so you know, the next thing I have to do in the main quest is steal the eye. I’ve done the shark bit and the burned village bit. So that’s something.

I absolutely need to play something soon.

Feminina:

Crushed soul is not how a minibreak without kids is supposed to end!

I don’t have as much as I might have if not for kids, but I did play. Did some stuff. Got to the point where you leave the Hinterlands.

That bit with the burned village was interesting…I fought the priests, obviously, but while thinking “on the other hand, he could be right, these hapless folk could spread plague to the entire island…”

But the descriptive text said malaria, which is not contagious like that, so hell with him and his primitive quarantine!

Butch:

What descriptive text? WHAT TEXT?

Fuck. I assumed it was plague, and assumed the game was trying to trick me into the knee jerk “How dare you threaten innocents I shall kill you” only to have the whole island wiped out in act three, so I walked away. Cuz games trick you! Games make you think you’re doing the right thing!

Or I played RDR too long.

Anyway, had I read the text, maybe I would’ve not, you know, been awful. Though Kassandra’s reaction was not just “Pfft. Whatever.” Phoebe was all “She was my friend! How could you?” and Kassandra explained that bad things happen to good people (like, dying of plague), and you have to think of the futures of the people who still have a chance, and the people you love. Phoebe accepted that.

Interesting. We diverge. And interesting that you were the one that read the text! You NEVER read the text! I read the text!

As for the weekend….

The kidless part was quite good. The show we saw Saturday was incredible (Come From Away. Excellent on every level. If it tours, check it out), dinner was great, weather was great.

Then I was home, and everyone was home, and blarg.

But the actual NYC stuff was great! Though damn, man, I do not know how anyone lives there. Or wants to.

Feminina:

Ooh, we DIVERGED!? Wow. But we almost didn’t, because we had the same thought process and I really almost did reluctantly allow the priest to carry on. Because he’s not entirely wrong! Plague is bad!

But the text, man, the little snippet if you read about the quest. It said something like “malaria was a common cause of fever in this period” or something. Definitely the word ‘malaria’ was in there, anyway. And so I thought, well, malaria doesn’t spread DIRECTLY between humans, so maybe if they go north where there aren’t as many mosquitoes…honestly, in the long run you were probably right, because mosquitoes are everywhere, and I personally probably assisted the spread of malaria throughout the Greek islands. And the priest was definitely right when he said “just because they feel fine now, doesn’t mean they’re not still sick,” because malaria does work that way.

I’ll probably run into several malaria-devastated villages during my travels, and have to confront the fact that by saving one family, I have doomed countless others. So don’t feel bad, you probably made the right call. It’ll give us something to discuss later!

Butch:

I did hear this game was pretty good at giving Weighty Important Decisions consequences later. This certainly was a Weighty Important Decision. We shall see.

I mean, I’m sure it’s not going to be, in act two, the game saying to you “and then everyone died, game over, credits” while I get 43 more hours of game, but still. Though that would be kinda funny.

Feminina:

That would be funny! “Start over, and next time maybe don’t unleash the plague, thanks?”

I mean, it’s not like I’ve come VERY far yet. I’m only just leaving the Hinterlands, and they aren’t nearly as big as Geralt’s Hinterlands in TW3. Being forced to start over would be annoying, but possibly not a game-killer.

But I’m sure they won’t actually do that. Some devastated villages, though, that I can easily see.

Butch:

Yeah, it’ll be just that.

Am I almost done with the hinterlands? Like, the eye?

The shark was easy. Tagged it with the eagle (love that), then avoided it.

Feminina:

Ooh, tag and avoid! Nice work. I tagged it and then shot it.

“Live and let live? Fah!”

You’re pretty close. A couple more quests, nothing enormous. And we’ve seen how fast these quests can be.

Butch:

Gotta admit, took me way too long to figure out how to use the eagle, but now I kinda love the eagle.

Can you attack shit with the eagle? I want to attack shit with the eagle.

Feminina:

It took me way too long, too. Mr. O’ had to tell me about it, in fact. I was pretty much ignoring the eagle other than to scout out locations, but he was all “no, it can find treasures and other items of interest!” Well, OK then.

I don’t think you can attack, though. At least, not yet! Who knows what the future may hold. Maybe there’s a skill we can get later that will allow us to make the eagle attack people. That would be pretty great.

Butch:

Did you get the skill that makes you able to do the “whoosh and there’s the loot” thing that every game does? Like Lara’s black and white thing and all that? Handy.

But you have to hold up to do it, and if you don’t hold it long enough you get the eagle by accident, which is a little annoying.

Feminina:

Oh yes, that was literally the first skill I picked. So handy.

Although I do often get the eagle by mistake. Siiiigh…sorry Ikaros! Just checking for loot, carry on…

Butch:

What other skills you going with? I kinda love the bow….

Feminina:

I’m going heavy on the assassin skills so far, though I did pick up the multi-arrow one and that one where you can kick people over.

I mean…assassination IS kind of the name of the game. I don’t like to stray too far from my roots. I’m hoping at some point we’ll be able to do double air-assassinations and so forth.

Butch:

Ooo! I forgot about those.

The kick just seemed silly. Too much like that movie. Just like it was silly that the trophy you get for finishing the intro is called “this is Sparta.”

Game, we get it.

Feminina:

Yeah…I thought it might be handy for getting people off me if I was in the middle of combat with multiple people, or something, but so far I really haven’t used it. Of course, it doesn’t help that I always forget to hold R1 or R2 (whichever it is) when I try, so I just hit the button ineffectively and then someone is on top of me and I’m running off in a panic. “Hide in the bushes and heal, hide in the bushes and heal!”

OK, I got the spear for the priestess–right where she said it was–and talked to Morkos and got the second flashback, and then talked to Drusilla the bowyer and had her fix my bow and went and cleared out the lumberyard bandits for her and she was happy.

The most annoying/funny part of it was that the wandering bounty hunter (are you being pursued by Talos the Stone Fist or somebody, or did I do something avoidably reprehensible?) happened along at the lumberyard the same time I was there, so I was skulking around trying to kill everyone and loot the place WITHOUT getting caught by him. Because I got in a fight with him once, and he is pretty much too badass for me at this time. Even though, as a result of all that helping people, I leveled up twice and can now wear the level 4 midriff-baring ‘hunter outfit’ with the scary face paint. It’s a look, all right.

So I accomplished great things! But still haven’t been back to the burned village.

Butch:

See? See what happens when you focus?

The bow is so great. Though, on gear, WHAT facepaint? I have no facepaint! I have a fantastic midriff, but I want facepaint!

Dude, the same thing happened to me at the lumber yard! Talos (who gets hired bountywise when you rescue the kid on the dock) showed up there, too! And he is badass. I made level five last night, put on my midriff baring, face pain free armor, decided “He’s level five. It’s ON!” and died. A lot. This is also cuz I tried to use this ability where I can take control of an arrow in the air and guide it, all cinema style, for 430% damage (!), but I kept grabbing it, going all bad ass matrix cinema….and missing. “And now, for a special effect stealth mega kill oops, uh, can I get a do over? That wasn’t….I’m dead.”

Gave up at that point and hit save. Which I hope you did.

The burned village bit is the character quest for Phoebe you get in the vineyard. It’s available.

What are your thoughts on Markos? He was pretty skeezy in that cutscene, I thought. Creepy. Don’t trust him.

Told you you’d catch up quick.

Ok, next missive if from the road. TRAVEL BLOGGING!

Feminina:

I dunno, I find Morkos flighty and opportunistic, but I didn’t read him as skeevy…he didn’t seem to have any intentions towards Kassandra other than “maybe she can advance my money-making schemes.” Which, I mean, that’s not a particularly laudable way to look at a stranded child, but it could have been “hey, I’m totally going to hit on her in 6 months or so,” which would have been much grosser.

The way I read it was, they had him behave exactly the way he would have behaved if we were playing as Alexios, and “I do something for you, you do some things for me” doesn’t necessarily have the same borderline-inappropriate overtones if we’re a boy (although perhaps it should, given this is ancient Greece and all). It comes across more directly as “hey, this kid is clearly scrappy, I can use him somehow in my various plans.”

And I think it’s also supposed to be “hey, this kid is clearly scrappy, I can use her.” Whether or not that’s plausible in the time period is certainly debatable, but that was how I felt it was meant to be interpreted.

Which certainly doesn’t mean we HAVE to actually interpret it that way, since the way something is intended and the way it comes across can be very different, but…I guess the thing I’m very wordily saying is, I was willing to accept it as written in this case, and I don’t feel Morkos has any illicit designs on Kassandra, other than employing her in his frivolous, dubiously ethical and probably doomed money-making ideas. Not exactly a ringing endorsement, but in context, not bad.

I dunno, I see him kind of like Sully in Uncharted. The older, constantly scheming pseudo-parent figure with a certain rascally charm and a talent for getting into trouble, who the hero complains about and rolls eyes at, but is actually fond of and will work hard to help when he needs it. We’ll see whether or not this is correct.

Certainly, you could easily be right, a maybe he’ll turn out to be a creep after all and betray her to the bounty hunters for a few drachmae or something. I could see that too.

Butch:

I’ll give you that.

Switching gears!

Connecticut is lovely.

I want face paint.

Feminina:

You must have different midriff-baring armor. Mine is a hunter’s outfit, and I guess the face paint helps me focus on my prey or something.

I’m just delighted to learn there’s another set of similar gear out there, so that I need never fear having to cover my stomach with annoying sheets of point-deflecting metal.

Butch:

Well dude, my…uh….chest plate is metal. For what it’s worth.

Caught the express train to the City! This public transport thing is rather civilized.

Feminina:

I do quite like having it available. Naked Zeus knows, I would never attempt to live and work in the greater Boston area if I had to drive everywhere. [Shudder]

Obviously not a workable option in many places, however. At least you can enjoy it while travel-blogging!

Butch:

Was good. Busy though.

How the fuck does ANYONE live here?

Gonna go get an empanada to relax.

Naked Zeus is gonna be a thing forever, ain’t it?

Feminina:

Mmm…relaxing empanada. Sounds peaceful. I hope you find a nice spot to relax and enjoy the beautiful day with which naked Zeus has favored us.

If it’s nice there, I don’t know. It’s moody here, sunny one minute and windstorms the next, much like naked Zeus himself.

Definitely gonna be a thing forever.

Butch:

This here wine bar ain’t bad.

Praise Dionysus!

Not as cheap as Nashville…..

Feminina:

All hail Dionysus! Who, let’s face it, is really a much more appropriate patron for this blog.

Butch:

But is he naked?????

What I really need to know at this moment is who is the god of whiskey?

I got too used to the prices in Nashville.

Might have to go back to a ps2.

So today I walked the length of the high line, a former raised railway that is now a lovely park/garden that runs from 10th street to 34th, and then spent two and a half hours in Central Park. Saw turtles.

I find it telling that every time I come to a city I try to find the least cityish things I can possibly do. When did I become such a hippie?

Spoilers for early in AC: Odyssey; vague summaries of earlier AC games that could be spoilery if you’ve never played one and don’t want to know anything about them

Butch:

So yesterday I-

Wait.

Wait wait wait.

Waaaaaaaaait.

I realize something. I used to think that I do the cold open here because I get to the computer a couple hours before you do, as I just wake up and there I am, and by “just wake up” I mean wake up and do all sorts of chaotic kid shit for an hour and there I am, whereas you have to get all the way to work.

But there’s another reason: I’m always behind you. I can say “I did xyz” and you say “Ah yes! That! I vaguely remember when I did that three months ago!”

But I’m….I’m…..

Ahead of you.

So…uh…..

What did you do?

This can’t continue. The opens will be lame. Good thing tomorrow, once again, we go TRAVEL BLOGGING WITH BUTCH! You’ll catch up.

Feminina:

I was going to find the spear!– but I got distracted. Killed a bandit leader in a bandit camp and got some loot. Killed another alpha wolf in a cave and got some loot.

That’s… Yeah, that’s pretty much it. I’m still level two because I can’t get around to completing anything. It’s the curse of the magpie.

Butch:

Ok, I think I get what the game meant early on there.

Remember when we had the choice of “guided” and “explorer” and explorer was “There will be less on the map, but this is how we want you to play it?”

Last night, I just put my head down and followed quests. I also noticed that the quests were marked differently. The main story, the character and the “world” quests all have different icons, much like, in RDR, there were yellow blobs, white blobs and white dots. Those will still be there on the map in the other mode, and the game wants us to focus on those.

Know how I know? I found your burned village. How? Cuz a quest sent me there. A very, very interesting, well done quest. When you do this quest, Kassandra will say a bunch of stuff that makes it apparent she’s never been there before, even though, in your game, she has. The game wanted and expected us to find that WHEN WE WERE SENT THERE. The game DIDN’T WANT US TO FIND THAT PLACE even though it had a question mark if you play in guided (right? that’s why you went there). It’s like RDR saying “Well, I GUESS you could find Rhodes cuz we’re open world yadda yadda, but we didn’t want you to, so we’ll pretend you didn’t.”

If we had been playing in explorer, you never would have gone there, found it, etc. You would have been sent there when I was, and the whole thing would’ve been as good for your as it was for me (and it was very good).

Right now, I think we’re playing this in a way that, if this were RDR, there would be no fog on the map, all the bones, cards, dreamcatchers, everything would be marked and we’d be all over the place. RDR didn’t want us to do that. Neither does this.

And I don’t think we noticed cuz this is an AC game. Of course there’s fragments and shanties and animals! But really, this ISN’T an AC game. The option we picked was for people who stubbornly refuse to play anything with AC in the title as anything OTHER than old school AC. But this isn’t old school AC, it’s more RDR. Moreso, as choices matter (holy Moses, do they matter. And soon).

I think the middle ground is viewpoints. I think the game wants us to be all “Look, no question marks, but if you climb up there I’ll show you where the caves and dreamcatchers and dinosaur bones are if you really, REALLY give a fuck, but really, stick to quests.

So turn it to the other mode. I think it’s a much better game that way. So do the developers. Cuz a “find the fragments and assassinate dudes” is not what this game is. I’ve already found more themes than in ALL of AC4. And more story. And more bloggage.

Feminina:

That’s good information. I will go back to settings next time I play.

But I’m not going to stop climbing tall things! I don’t care how many question marks I uncover.

Although I didn’t actually follow a question mark to get to the burned town, I was just wandering while trying to get to the statue (which I would have known was a vantage point even without an icon), so that could have happened anyway. Though as you say, it’s much less likely. They can’t STOP us from getting to Rhodes or St. Denis before we’re really supposed to be there, but they can at least avoid actively luring us in that direction.

I could have sworn I bowed to the game’s implicit judginess and selected “the way the game was meant to be played,” but maybe I only intended to. This whole ‘hover over the option and hold down the X” mechanic throws me off slightly. It’s in no way difficult, but it’s different.

Also, Mr. O’ reopened his game, because hey the disc was already loaded and he was done with Edith Finch, and I seriously came THIS CLOSE to accidentally saving over his (one) save last night. It’s not even funny.

I mean, it’s kind of funny, but only because I didn’t actually do it.

I need to check into that uploading situation. And he needs more saves, but I can’t control that. And if I try, like if I intend to go and load his game just to make an extra save for him?–I’ll undoubtedly delete it instead, because that is obviously the terrible curse that has befallen our marriage.

No, I need to make sure uploading is in place, and I need to never ever go near his save for any reason. I was just loading his game for him once I was done, you know, in a friendly fashion, but because I was in the save screen from saving my own game, I ALMOST hit ‘save’ again on his and overwrote my own on it.

Holy naked Zeus, can you even imagine the horror? I can’t. I won’t. I’m not loading his game ever.

We’d honestly be safer if he went back to RDR2, but living dangerously is what it’s about sometimes.

Butch:

Yeah, I think, after yesterday, I’m going to switch. Should’ve trusted them when they say “this is how it’s meant to be played.” They did make the game and all.

But climbing, well, hell no! Gotta climb shit!

Right. The question marks do kinda say “Come here! Right away! It’s awesome!” Especially in an AC game! True, I only played one of them, but that game….lacked story. And REALLY lacked story that made any rational sense. The game was “Sail around, do cool stuff, find stuff, etc.” You play RDR for the story. You kinda play AC for the legendary fish and dinosaur bones. That is, until this one.

You’ve been too trained in the pointless ways of AC.

I know, right? Not difficult, but different interface… It has a mouse…a quick save…it’s….so nostalgic of the other times….

I think, too, what threw us was that the option we chose, that is, NOT the option they wanted us to choose, was the option that was highlighted FIRST. There was the cursor over the one we picked. Kinda urging us the wrong way, game.

Dudes. DUDES.

Look, Mr. O’s stubbornness is one of the reasons why we love him, but this one save shit’s gotta change. It just has to. I don’t expect either one of you to go to my extremes (I have five. Plus the auto. And the quick. But I overwrote one yesterday! Didn’t go to six! Yet.), but dudes. One? One is not acceptable. Your three makes me nervy.

You gotta have a chat, there.

DO NOT GO NEAR HIS DAMN SAVE!!!! DON’T!!!!! Just keep making new ones. Each time. Like I do.

I just can’t get over it. Back in the Commodore days, I would back up my damn 5 1/4 inch floppies. For real. Took forever. But that’s what you DO, man! THAT IS WHAT YOU DO!

Just make sure you always have more than one. Cuz Mr. O is both stubborn and vindictive.

Feminina:

Hey, man, don’t universally knock AC’s story. I agree that was a problem with Black Flag (largely because I didn’t care about Edward as a character, so what story there was, centered around him, was also of minimal interest), but earlier episodes had PLENTY of story.

Plenty of sprawling, weird, complicated story full of god-alien interference in history. You can say many things about AC, but assuming the entire series was nothing but a bunch of lightweight fetch-quest romps does it a great disservice.

Honestly, I kind of miss the sprawling, bizarre god-alien angle. I understand why they moved away from it, you just can’t sustain that level of weirdness forever, certainly not if you’re aiming for large markets, but…it was wacky good fun, man. The puzzles! The climbing! The climbing puzzles! AC2 and AC Brotherhood are still among my fondest game memories.

And you know I have many fond game memories. You know what I play, and what I like. So you can take it seriously when I tell you, those games were a blast to play. I mean, I don’t know if I’d still love them as much today, perhaps not, but I loved those games, and you know I don’t love everything. [Nostalgic sigh.]

I suppose I should also defend Mr. O’, now that I’m done defending AC, and note that he is stubborn, but not particularly vindictive. I can testify that he hasn’t sabotaged any of my game experiences or spent any time sighing dolefully in an ill-used way, or hinted at how to make it up to him I should probably let him play nonstop for the entire weekend while I amuse the children, or anything.

He might do all of those things if I did it again, though. Best not to risk it.

Butch:

Fair enough. Perhaps I just got a story dud.

Fair. But you have become far pickier in your old age. We have too much practice tearing stuff to shreds. I’m the same way. I see plot holes everywhere. It’s why I have to distract myself with nudity and dress balls.

As for Mr. O’, I believe precisely one third of that.

Do not risk it. That last third, anyway.

Feminina:

I can’t risk it. There’s only so much strain one marriage can take. Even the “can this marriage be saved” column would give up.

“No. No it cannot,” they’d write. “We advise both these miserable wretches to marry someone else who doesn’t play games, or at the very least plays on a different platform.”

Butch:

You’d try to save your marriage, then accidentally overwrite it.

Make back ups! Upload! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!!!!

Feminina:

Ha! Nice.

“Can this marriage be saved? We tried, but accidentally saved another marriage on top of it, and this marriage didn’t have any backup saves, so…”

SOUND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE, everyone. Back up your marriage!

Butch:

Hey, ya never know. Maybe the one that overwrites the one you got has more loot and better gear.

Feminina:

That is true! Hm…

But then, we might wind up with extra kids and an even bigger and more unwieldy house. Possibly in your town, with half-day Tuesday.

I can’t risk it.

Butch:

Wise. Very, very wise.

Go make all the back ups you can.

And for the love of God, play, on explorer, and do quests.

But not too many, as I’m travel blogging tomorrow.

It shouldn’t take you that long to catch up, quest wise. I’m…two (?) main quests ahead of you (you freed the kid, right?), but, while in RDR that would be, like, three days, it’s very quick. My save thingy says I’ve been playing two and a half hours, total, so, you know. Not that far ahead of you.

Feminina:

I’ll do my best. We’re all sleeping badly lately–allergies, or something–so it’s been tough to find time and energy. Well, maybe it’s just me and Grigio sleeping badly.

But the good thing about this game being such quick little bites is that it is very easy to say “oh, I’ll just run around for 20 minutes and assassinate a few bandits, and at least I’ll have played.”

And also easy to then look up an hour later and realize it’s way past bedtime…but at least you’ve played!

Butch:

The main quests aren’t any more involved. Nor are the “character” quests, which are worth doing. I’m still in the RDR mode of “Do I want to start that? Do I have time?” And then I say “Well…I guess I’ll try to get it done….” and then, five minutes later, “That’s it?”

It’s ALL very quick. If you have 20 minutes, you have two main quests. Seriously. Do not think all you can do is bandits.

Feminina:

And there’s the difference from RDR2! Where it wasn’t even worth it to sign in for short periods because you’d probably spend 20 minutes riding to a location where something was going to happen, and then have to sign out rather than risk getting stuck in a quest where you couldn’t save.

All right, playing for 10 minutes a night is going on the to-do list. Ha.

Butch:

Yeah, dude. I think you’re signing in all “Well, I only have a little bit, better not touch the main quests or anything interesting,” but don’t worry. It’s all damn fast. The burned village thing was less than five minutes. For real.

And still blog worthy!

Feminina:

This will take a bit of getting used to, but I’m into it. I’m ready to embrace something fast-paced and snappy.

Even without a sprawling overstory about how god-aliens interfered in human history.

Butch:

You know, on that…….

Remind me: How does the present day thingy work? Can anyone go back in time and be someone if they have, like, the old someone’s DNA or social security number or favorite cheese or whatever? Or does it have to be a descendant?

And what exactly the fuck is everyone looking for in the past? I forget. Actually, I never really knew. Or understood.

Feminina:

If I understand correctly–and I didn’t play the last couple of games, so I could be missing some recent development–it USED to be that you had to be a descendant, and could only access your own ancestor’s memories, but Abstergo has figured out a way to make it so anyone can access the memories of specific people, and they’re going to sell (or are selling) that experience like a video game for popular entertainment, as well as mining the past for useful information they can employ for their own business ends.

I believe that’s what the people in the modern-day story were doing with Edward in Black Flag…making the memories transferable (or recording them somehow) so that you don’t have to be descended from Edward to experience his adventures on the high seas and enjoy those sea chanteys (which, credit where it’s due, were truly awesome).

The fact that our spunky protagonist and her hipster tech associate mention finding DNA on the spear suggests that this is still what they’re doing.

In the earlier installments, the descendant provided the DNA himself, inherited from the relevant ancestor, and he alone could access the memories (although Abstergo agents were able to kind of see them over his shoulder as he relived them). It sounds as if what’s happening now is that if they can locate DNA, whoever has that (and the Abstergo technology) can just call the memories directly out of it.

As for what they were looking for in the past in previous games…long story short, a powerful McGuffin that in the wrong hands could destroy the world. Same old same old. But man, it was an entertainingly convoluted path getting there.

And last I knew, they had wrapped up the powerful McGuffin storyline of the first few games, and I think in Black Flag they were mostly looking for entertaining stories they could sell to the masses?

What they’re looking for in this game, we do not yet know. Something, for sure, since our plucky protagonist was all “we’re going to get it before those rotten Templars!” or whatever. But I think it’s probably not related to the McGuffin of earlier times, although again I haven’t played one of these in a while so who knows?

Butch:

Oh. Well. Good thing they don’t have a complicated story in this one. Ha.

So wait….there’s this thingy that can destroy the world in the wrong hands and no one has found it in the 434598453978 games of the series?

Maybe they’re looking in the wrong place….

Feminina:

Oh no, they found it. And staved off the end of the world, through various complex endeavors. And then the Descendant died. Pretty much shut down that storyline. Alas, poor Desmond!

And then the series moved on to Edward, and the entertainment-focused model of the Animus, which as far as I know is where we are today.

Butch:

She’s looking for something, that’s for sure.

Don’t look at me. I’m just looking for nudity.

T SHIRT!!!!!

But if it’s just entertainment, that doesn’t make sense.

Abstergo: We, the French Canadian templars, will make entertaining technology!Assassin’s: Not if we stop you!!!!Abstergo: Why would you want to do that?Assassins: Uh….because….Abstergo: You know this is a video game.Assassins: Yeah….Abstergo: A game that’s named after you, not us.Assassins: Several games, actually. A franchise.Abstergo: Yes, yes, you’re making our point.Assassins: How so?Abstergo: Video games are “entertaining technology.”Assassins: Uh….Abstergo: And that’s good, right?Assassins: Well, when you put it that way…..Abstergo: So why are you trying to stop us?Assassins: Uh……cuz….uh…. WE HATE POUTINE! It shall be our creed that you use ketchup on your fucking fries or DIE!!!!!Abstergo: Not much of a video game, that.Assassins: Fuck you, Frenchie! Ketchup for life!

Dude, what about that temple? That alien? That dude who showed up in Montreal all pissed and tried to kill everyone?

Seriously. If all Abstergo is is, like, Ubisoft, what’s all this about?

Feminina:

Well, Abstergo is a giant corporation (automatically sinister) and it’s run by the Templars, whose motivating principle over hundreds of years has been that the most important thing for humanity is obedience. They want to control the world, and everyone in it, because they believe that this is what will fulfill human destiny or whatever.

The Assassins’ motivating principle is freedom and doubt (their motto: “nothing is true. everything is permitted”), and they have opposed the Templars for hundreds of years, and so they assume that the Templars want to use this technology to advance their sinister obedience agenda. I think they’re kind of just suspicious of it on principle, although also, inserting experiences directly into peoples’ heads IS a pretty good way to influence their perceptions, so I guess they’re not totally just grasping at threads here.