Finding my north star, figuring out what color my parachute is, discovering my Italy, following my bliss, being the best me I can be…..and enjoying the journey

Notes from Chapter 10

Yep, that’s right. I have completed nine chapters (well, let’s be honest… nine shitty first drafts) of my book. I decided to take a little break from writing my forthcoming chapter so that I could update this blog with my progress. The little project that just floated into my head a few months ago has quickly become this thing that I devote 15-20 hours of my week to; with absolutely not a single complaint. It’s the work I wake up excited to do. And….it’s the project I feel as if I was always meant to do.

Here’s the quick and dirty of what my typical week looks like these days. I do an interview every week with a different woman. These interviews have been with strangers, friends and acquaintances; but I haven’t left a single one without this crazy feeling of bonding and connection. It’s usually about a two hour long sit down, with coffee or wine and I record all of the material on my phone so that I can devote all of my attention to what is being shared. A day or so later, I transcribe the entirety of these interviews. And then I write. And I read from a stack of research books; two recent ones are “It’s Not You: 27 Wrong Reasons Why You’re Single” by Sara Eckel and “Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray and What It Means for Modern Relationships” by Christopher Ryan. The former gave me a feeling of extreme hopefulness, the latter not so much.

Oh yeah, and I’m also starting to figure my shit out a little bit. A few weeks ago I had such a feeling of ‘aha’ in regards to unraveling why I’ve been so terrible at relationships as of late that I almost decided to shout to the universe ‘OK, I’m ready now! Send in the soul mates.’ But luckily the wise little voice inside of me stepped in and said ‘Not so fast grasshopper.’ And I always listen when she calls me grasshopper.

But the way that this book has been lining up organically will just never cease to amaze me. For example, a few weeks ago I had an interview in which a woman talked to me about a run-in that she had with her first boyfriend. I didn’t know what story she would tell me when we sat down but it just so happened that within days of that interview, I had lunch with my first boyfriend. And you’ll have to wait for publication to read about how those meetings couldn’t have been more similar but also entirely different all at the same time. But it was a chapter I could barely see through my tears as I typed it out. “This book is almost writing itself,” my dear friend Miranda said to me.

Which all brings us to Chapter 10. I went to Columbus this past weekend to do an interview and I booked a hotel for the evening so that I could enjoy some time in ‘the big city’ and hopefully also interview an ex. This ex was a big one; you know, he’s the one that when I say his name all of my friends roll their eyes because he’s that much of a jerk. But! But…..though our time together was brief it was intense. I had never felt as much connection upon meeting a man as I did with this guy. And then he just disappeared (they call it ghosting these days…..yes, it’s such a common occurrence in today’s dating world that it has it’s own name…..I explore this phenomenon in Chapter 9 which is about online dating and is called Tinder is the Night). But I digress.

This dude lives in Columbus so I contacted him and told him about my project. It wasn’t super weird to text him; we have been in contact off and on for the past two years since he told me he couldn’t ‘do’ a relationship. So, he agreed after I promised him that it wouldn’t be a bash fest with him on the receiving end, rather just an open, honest conversation about wtf happened. He texted me a few weeks ago asking when his interview was and we agreed on a day. And in the past week, leading up to my Columbus trip, he stopped answering my texts. It didn’t surprise me at all.

My interview took place at my favorite coffee shop in Columbus. There were parts in this woman’s story when my eyes welled with tears simply because what I was hearing was so beautiful and authentic. My heart was absolutely full when I left the interview. And I never heard from the dude. But I did go to a book store following the interview and spent an hour or so wandering the 32 rooms of books. I checked into my hotel and starfished on a king size bed, surrounded by my newly purchased novels and began to read. And then I took myself out to dinner and had a meal that would probably be my requested final meal—steak with chimichurri sauce, perfectly cooked asparagus, corn soufflé and a Christmas beer from a local brewery. I went back to the hotel and had a facetime phone date with the aforementioned Miranda. And so despite what could be a disappointment in what I had planned in light of what was not happening….despite all this…..my heart remained happy.

As I transcribed everything yesterday, all of the threads of this chapter started to weave themselves together. It has something to do with a nickname that a friend of mine gave that dude after he broke my heart, it has something to do with what happened when I met with a shaman the morning I left Columbus, and it has something to do with beautiful words of wisdom I heard in my interview. And it has everything to do with the certainty I have about this path that I’m on; it has everything to do with this immense trust I have in what’s to come.

********For those of you who don’t know, I’ve been selected to attend the Haven Retreat in Whitefish, Montana in late February with New York Times Bestselling author Laura Munson. Please check out this link for details on the retreat and how to donate if you so choose. Any amount helps. Any donation over $40 and you’ll be handsomely rewarded with a handmade knit hat made by the one and only Shannon Oakes (I’m modeling this hat in my profile picture). If you don’t want to use GoFundMe, I accept cash and checks.