BY Tammy M. Lang

“Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For indeed, that’s all who ever have.” -Margaret Mead

...When the stranger in the rain gave me that red umbrella twenty years earlier, I never forgot how that act of kindness made me feel. I often think about that man and wonder if he knew the impact he made on my life and I know he couldn’t possibly know the extent. But people who do perform random acts of kindness do know they make a difference. The reward in doing these deeds doesn’t come from the person you do it for, the reward comes from inside; knowing you just made someone else’s life better, that your small gesture could possibly change a life – or save one. No “thank you” required. It’s a beautiful thing.
What that man also doesn’t know is because of his action that night, fifteen years later I would start carrying umbrellas in my car and hand them out to people I saw walking in the rain. Even if it’s not raining, I may hand a homeless person one to shield the harsh sun or just to have in case it rains. I always tell the person, “God loves you,” when I hand it to them because I want them know it’s God’s message. What he also doesn’t know is that twenty-two years after his initial “ripple”, I would give an abused friend in need a red umbrella and the keys to my home for her and her children to live when they had no other place to go. She shared the umbrella story with others and Gods ripple continues… I share this not to get any glory for me, no. What I am able to do for others is a blessing and true testament to how far I’ve come. My path of continuing the ripple isn’t even close to being finished but I would be remiss if I didn’t say it’s not because of me, it’s because of God. Everything I have is a direct result of the goodness and grace of God leading me and giving me the strength to make it – even if it was one minute at a time. He gave me this heart, the one that was so easily hurt, saw pain in others, cried at the misfortune of other people, and put everyone else above me. He also gave me this heart because it is these very qualities needed to act on the behalf of others, not just cry for them, but do something. But it wasn’t until I finally let God heal me I was able to begin fulfilling this grand design He had planned for even before I was born.
What is amazing to me is the power of a serving attitude and how healing it is. Do you know the impact that just a kind word can make on the life of someone who is suffering? We as sufferers ourselves know this and know the opposite as well; how damaging it can be to receive demeaning words. What if we decided that OUR words would be used for healing? What if we saw the human in everyone we passed or encountered and remembered everyone is dealing with something? Could we remember when we once could have just used a kind word instead of someone being rude to us?
I remember several times actually, going through a grocery store line and the clerk wasn’t especially nice and me being rude back to her. Giving evil for evil. What if I would have chosen not to take her personally and maybe found something to offset the whole situation, not just for her, but for me? Just something that said, “I’m not the cause of your bad mood and I’m not affected by your mood, therefore, I’m taking it personally, I’m happy just as I am. I can even appreciate that you might be dealing with something and I also notice the pain and that you’re human, and realize you might need a little grace right now.” I realized that taking on the moods of other people personally affected me. So turning the situation into a positive really helps us both. We humans tend to take everything so personally, yet we don’t expect others to take our bad moods personally. What hypocrites. I was the biggest one of all when I was full blown victim. But it’s noticing when we’re in the situation that we have that control to do something different that takes us out of reaction mode and into decision mode: choosing to remain unaffected.
I still have my moments, but I notice and I make effort – and that’s all we can try to do is just notice it and make steps to be better. No one is perfect and we all have bad days. What I do notice though is the more I make effort, the more effortless it becomes. I don’t really take as much personally anymore because now it’s becoming a pattern for me to quickly adjust my thoughts and go to that “she must be dealing with something” a lot sooner, so I immediately start looking for something to complement about the person or make them smile in some way. Do you know the payoff in doing this? Not only do you help someone, (which could have been you or I at one point), but it helps YOU. You feel like you’ve helped someone and there is no drug in the world that can give you the high that comes with helping another human being.
When we act on compassion, there is a chemical response in our bodies that increases the hormone oxytocin, sometimes referred to as the “cuddle” hormone, but really is that natural contentment or “fullness feeling” hormone. It is a scientific fact that people who act on their sympathetic instincts and serve others are happier, more positive, have more meaning to their lives, and even physically healthier. Kindness is biological and our human nature. This increased level of oxytocin explains why we feel so good performing random acts of kindness, and why it’s so important that we, ourselves need compassion and love.
There is a difference between giving in the sense of performing random acts of kindness and overloading ourselves with obligatory giving that leaves us feeling unappreciated and depleted. When we over-give and feel taken for granted, this does not produce oxytocin; it produces resentment and actually depletes our levels of oxytocin. This is where we need to look at ways to increase our own fullness by setting healthy boundaries, realize the difference between giving kindness and over-extending, and get ourselves back to center by giving self-love, compassion, quality alone time, and other ways that can increase our own oxytocin. But if we can’t fully give to people without constantly expecting something in return, we’ll never experience the beauty of giving for the sole purpose of helping another human being.
When I hand out an umbrella or perform an act of kindness, my heart is so full I usually end up tearing up. My friend Karen jokes about my “over active tear ducts.” But this is the “highest” I feel, when I think that there’s a possibility that I was just used to show someone love that really needed a God-sent message of unconditional acceptance and kindness. I could have just given an umbrella to a “Tammy” who was on her last hope and needed that one act of kindness to bring her back from doing something to end her life.
Do you know the beauty in that?
You just don’t know what your actions can do to someone or how they can positively change their life. And yet, you do, because every act makes a difference regardless of what you can possibly know.
I call this the ripple effect legacy.
There is nothing wasted in God’s eyes, He will use you to send messages to other people. Just knowing you would be chosen and used by God as a conduit to save other people is an amazing thing.
If you’ve never experienced that feeling before, just try it. You will begin to understand the truth of why we are really here on this earth and it will make your own healing a lot easier because you then realize that your very existence and reason you were born for greatness, isn’t just about you, it’s about how special you are and that you have the power to change this world by simply helping another human being.
That man that gave me the umbrella has no idea the ripple he created and the number of people he has touched simply through showing kindness to me. And you have no idea how many people you have the power to touch by one action you could do for someone else and what that person will do some day because of your kindness. When you get to the end of your life, what will your legacy say about you?
Create a ripple effect by one act of kindness and you will make a legacy that will change the world…