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OT - changing sleep arrangements

The Bug is now co-sleeping with us full time on my side of the bed and
pretty much has to be glued against my body all night long. She falls
asleep by coming to bed with me -- if she falls asleep after 8pm but
before I go to bed, I put her in the co-sleeper and she invariably
wakes up within an hour. Once we're down she'll stay asleep for a
little bit if I get up, but as soon as she stirs if I'm not there she
wakes up (DH is sometimes an acceptable substitute). She nurses twice
a night at best, more at worst.

This is fine for now, but starting in June (when she'll be 1 year old)
I'll go back to work in a position that requires me to be gone
overnight about twice a week. It's also an 60-80 hour/week job
(medical residency -- there's no way for me to work fewer hours) so I
won't ever really be able to catch up on lost sleep. It'd be great if
she could sleep through the night, but also acceptable if DH can deal
with her night wakings. I see two alternatives he

1. Continue to co-sleep by switching her to the middle and getting her
used to sleeping with DH. Sometime before June spend a few nights
sleeping on the couch and letting him deal with night wakings. (I've
seen the stats on overlying and am not concerned about her being at
any risk from that.)
2. Get her used to sleeping in a crib and have DH find a way to get
her down to sleep in the evenings (and back to sleep at night if
necessary).

I'm torn about what to do. On the one hand I'll *really* need my
sleep on the nights I'm home, and I know I'll sleep better if it's
just me and DH in the bed. On the other hand I know one resident who
co-sleeps with her 1-year-old just for the cuddle time since she's
gone so much. I don't want to actively start dealing with this until
we move (next month or two) because I figure any sleep changes will go
to hell with the move. Also, we live in a one-bedroom apartment now
and if we pursue the crib option I highly suspect she'd do better with
that in a seperate room.

Anyone with advice about moving a co-sleeping baby to a crib around
this age? Or with experience co-sleeping when mom's not always home
at night? Or just general advice? Poor Bug (and poor mum), she's
going to have a lot to deal with in the next few months...

Akuvikate wrote:
1. Continue to co-sleep by switching her to the middle and getting her
used to sleeping with DH.

Caterpillar sleeps in the middle, and is still glued to me. In her
"crawl around droopily" fits last night, she crawled randomly between
us, so I think the reason she glues to me is the milk.
Anyone with advice about moving a co-sleeping baby to a crib around
this age?

My recollection is that there's a "window" at 4 months for making the
co-sleeping to crib transition, and the next one is at around 18 months.

Is the Bug a good solids-eater? I honestly think that night-nursing is
going to be a bigger issue than co-sleeping, and it's going to be hard
for you to pump at work, so I assume you're planning to wean either
completely or nearly completely. If it were me, I'd work on nursing /
eating more during the day and cutting back at night gradually over the
next 3-4 months.

I think that she'll handle you not being there for her when you're not
there at all much better than she'll handle you being physically
present, but not with her, IYKWIM.

Anyone with advice about moving a co-sleeping baby to a crib around
this age? Or with experience co-sleeping when mom's not always home
at night? Or just general advice? Poor Bug (and poor mum), she's
going to have a lot to deal with in the next few months...

Kate
and the Bug, June 8 2003

With DD, we moved her to a crib but in our bedroom at 8 months. Then
(this sounds a bit odd) we moved the crib a bit farther away from our
bed at 10 months. By 12 months, she was in her own room. *BUT* she still
loves sleeping with someone, preferably in the same bed glued to their
back - she's 6 YEARS old.

So, I'm not sure you want to do what we did. It seemed to have not
really worked in the very long run

With DS (born on June 3, 2003) he basically sleeps with either DH or me.
He does have a crib in his big sister's room (at her request), and he
starts off the night in the room but usually he ends up with one of us
(and DD ends up with the other parent). DS doesn't seem to have a
preference for me over his father.

Akuvikate wrote:
1. Continue to co-sleep by switching her to the middle and getting her
used to sleeping with DH. Sometime before June spend a few nights
sleeping on the couch and letting him deal with night wakings. (I've
seen the stats on overlying and am not concerned about her being at
any risk from that.)
2. Get her used to sleeping in a crib and have DH find a way to get
her down to sleep in the evenings (and back to sleep at night if
necessary).

At around 11 months we were able to move Emma when she fell
asleep into her crib. She'd sleep for 3 hours or so then come
back into bed with us. At 18 months I wasn't getting any sleep
because she moved *all the time*. In fact, I think she'd wake
herself up by hitting the sides of the crib. At that point, we got
her a big girl bed and moved her to that. She rarely came
to our bed after that, she adores her big girl bed.
I'm torn about what to do. On the one hand I'll *really* need my
sleep on the nights I'm home, and I know I'll sleep better if it's
just me and DH in the bed. On the other hand I know one resident who
co-sleeps with her 1-year-old just for the cuddle time since she's
gone so much.

This is how I felt. I WOH, and am gone all day M-F. I really needed
the cuddle time, and I think it really kept our nursing relationship going

after I stopped pumping (12 months), but she did nurse several times
a night (and actually had at least 1 night waking to nurse until about 2
years old when my husband started dealing with night wakings. She
weaned shortly after that).

With respect to getting baby used to you not being there. I wouldn't.
Your husband will figure out how to get her to sleep, how to deal
with her wakings in his own way, and it will likely be easier if you
aren't in the house.

Mary W. wrote:
With respect to getting baby used to you not being there. I wouldn't.
Your husband will figure out how to get her to sleep, how to deal
with her wakings in his own way, and it will likely be easier if you
aren't in the house.

I agree totally with this. If you feel it would be better to have the baby
in their own bed, I'd do it after you started residency and then you'll be
gone a lot anyway. I think putting the baby in the middle is a good idea.

Is the Bug a good solids-eater? I honestly think that night-nursing is
going to be a bigger issue than co-sleeping, and it's going to be hard
for you to pump at work, so I assume you're planning to wean either
completely or nearly completely. If it were me, I'd work on nursing /
eating more during the day and cutting back at night gradually over the
next 3-4 months.

I don't intend to wean, but I'm not dead set on continuing nursing if
it becomes really difficult. I don't intend to pump unless she's
allergic to cow's milk. She's decent with solids, so ideally by a
year old she'll be getting her nutritional needs met that way, and
nursing will be good for cuddles and a nutritious snack. My hunch
about night nursing is that she does it because I'm there and would
cut way back if I weren't, though we've never tested it. Her night
nursing consists of waking me up by squirming and me then plugging her
in, as it's the fastest way to get us both back to sleep -- sometimes
she's probably not even awake, and I'm sure she's not always hungry.

Akuvikate wrote:
Her night
nursing consists of waking me up by squirming and me then plugging her
in, as it's the fastest way to get us both back to sleep -- sometimes
she's probably not even awake, and I'm sure she's not always hungry.

Sounds a lot like Caterpillar (when she's not alternating between
screaming and crawling pitifully to and fro). If night nursing isn't
disturbing your sleep, I'm not sure I understand what problem you
anticipate. I suspect she's not going to keep your DH up all night
trying to nurse if she knows you're not there, and a 1 year old has more
ability to understand "Mommy's at work" than an 8 month old has to
understand "Mommy is tired and you need to not maul her if you want to
nurse."