Adventures in grocery shopping: Make it a Smart Saturday

The only thing that I like about Costco is the samples. I do not need 60 pounds of chicken or a giant box of wheat thins that could feed a small village in Africa for a month. Costco is really rather ridiculous in every area when you think about it and how it represents everything that is wrong with overconsumption in America. Except for the samples part – I love me some samples. So when I found out that Smart gave out samples on Saturdays, I was overjoyed. Yes, I have compared Smart to Wal-Mart on LSD, but given a little organization, it could be a decent store, even with its overwhelming amount of choices in every food type imaginable. Saturday mornings are chaos personified at the local Smart – people everywhere, no real rules of the road, and aisles that accommodate 1.5 shopping carts, which would be okay if said shopping carts did not careen off on their own accord in unintended directions. For someone who doesn’t like crowds or indecisiveness, Smart on a Saturday morning could be a nightmare, except people are generally friendly, there is no real rush to be any place, and there are samples. The only real issue with the sample stations is that the people who give out the samples are generally passive. Only the Special K girl asked me if I wanted a sample today. Everyone else looked away as I walked by. When I spotted the miniature Ritz-like crackers with different kinds of pesto on them sitting all by themselves, I said, “Those topped crackers look lonely. I should alleviate their condition.” I walked over to the table and picked up one labeled hot (if only dating were so easy). Then I popped it in my mouth. That is when I was ambushed. I have no idea what she said, but presumably it was something like “These pesto sauces are on sale – buy two get one free” in Maltese. When I turned around, she took a step back and then apologized. “Sorry, I didn’t see you… From behind… I thought you were Maltese.” “Bonus for me then, I guess.” “Yes, so these sauces are on sale,” she continued in English, “buy two, get one free.” “Thank you,” and I high tailed it to the school supplies. Read about Freshers’ Week and the hard sell