Making Time An Ally

The longer the amount of time a relationship has to grow and mature,
the stronger the bonds of emotional attachemnt two people will feel for
each other.

Take Your Time (Go Slowly)

Have you ever tried to rush a budding romance along too quickly? This
is a very common mistake. The longer the amount of time a relationship
has to grow and mature, the stronger the bonds of emotional attachment
two people will feel for each other. The secret to success is to try and
keep the friendship developing as long as possible at first, without frightening
off a potential lover.

FEAR OF COMMITMENTS

Why do people resist getting involved in relationships? Is it love they
are running from? No! People run from making commitments, not from being
loved. It's only when they start to feel obligated by accepting your love
that they'll turn it away. And when we hint that we are including someone
in our future plans, the natural human instinct is for them to run as
fast and far away as possible.

THE GREAT REALIZATION

So, while trying to win someone's heart, you can't ignore their ever-present
desire to remain free ( even though this maybe be hidden from you). Go
slowly. You don't want to scare someone off before he or she is ready
for a commitment.

Be slow about revealing your anxiousness to see the one you want all
the time. Let the person think that you have only limited intentions of
getting together again in the future, maybe one or two dates, but nothing
more. This is called "keeping from getting too serious". It
doesn't mean that you should should stop paying attention to the person.
It just means that you should not let the person feel too sure of your
long-range intentions.

You can't threaten that person' freedom if you want him or her to be
comfortable seeing you. Everyone has a personal need for emotional breathing
space. They must not be given reason to believe that you are expecting
them to share their life and future with you. Otherwise, the person may
desperately seek to escape you.

As long as you keep a person believing that the relationship is merely
casual, time will be on your side. Meanwhile, the subconscious process
of emotional bonding will continue to bind their heart more closely to
yours.

What if rivals appear into the scene? What if they try to quickly introduce
romance into their relationship with the one you want? Although they may
appear to be successful at first, they will be creating a flaw in the
foundation of their relationship.

Your rivals will experience obstacles. When that happens, they will pay
the price of not having built a good solid foundation of pure friendship
first. By then, you will be ready to step in and take over! When the one
you want is feeling the need for someone who really cares about them and
loves them unconditionally, you will be there ready him or her.

You will have your romance, too. But it will occur at the proper time
- later - and will be all the more powerful because you didn't rush it.

Be Attentive On A Regular Basis

In your efforts to win his or her heart, you must show attention on a
regular basis. Condition the one you want to expect your presence regularly.
In time, if you don't make any rash or obvious efforts to "capture"
the object of your affections, they will find themselves becoming a bit
curious towards you and even anticipate your next appearance with some
degree of subconscious gladness.

Make sure you are regular enough about making your presence felt in the
person's life so that the person will notice if you don't show up sometime.

In time, people develop acceptance of anything that occurs regularly
in their lives. So take your time in building a relationship, but be regular.

BECOME A HABIT

Do you know you can actually condition a person to feel comfortable in
your presence? Nothing is quite as powerful as the force of habit in influencing
someone's behavior.

The famous Russian scientist Ivan Pavlov demonstrates the effects of
conditioning on living creatures through his "salivating dog"
experiments. After noticing that his dogs would salivate a great deal
more than usual when he was fed, he wondered if the dog could be programmed
to produce the same effect, even without the presence of food.

Pavlov began to ring a bell each time food was brought to the dog. This
regular pairing of events was continued for quite some time. The the dog
was observed when the bell was rung by itself, without the accompaniment
of food. The dog salivated with the same anticipatory excitement as if
it had just been presented with a juicy steak!

If you show attention to the one you want through regular telephone calls,
visits, and doing things together, he or she will subconsciously get used
to receiving regular attention from you. The person will become accustomed
to feeling good each time they are in your presence, and begin to subconsciously
look forward to your next meeting.

Be Persistent

Human beings have an unquenchable thirst for attention. This compelling
emotional need must be met continuously, and thus serves as an extremely
potent psychological rewards.

At first you may not have any visible indication that the attention you
are giving is accomplishing something, but rest assured that it is! Whatever
time and attention you invest in a relationship will ultimately yield
a most worthwhile return. If you quite too soon, though, you will deprive
yourself of the ultimate reciprocation of love that would inevitably be
yours!

DELAYED REACTION

Another reason why persistence is so important is the delayed reaction
effect. Realize that you are trying to get the object of your affections
to warm up to you. He or she will response, but not immediately due to
delayed reaction.

For example, imagine you meet someone you like and you showed great enthusiasm.
The other person might be caught off guard and may unintentionally comes
across as uninterested in you.

When you sense the lack of enthusiasm you might think to yourself that
the other party is no interested in getting to know you. You may feel
like a fool and told yourself not to make that mistake again.

Meanwhile, the other person, after having some time to emotionally digest
the experience of meeting you, may like you and want to know you better.

It may be too late. The one who was initially interested (You) has already
decided to become more cool and distant. You are determined not to play
the fool again.

So the next time both of you meet, you act cool and distant to the other
party. You goes away feeling less foolish and lose the chance of having
a potentially great relationship.

This can be avoided. Have faith in yourself and be persistent. Don't
give up prematurely.