Tag Archives: Toy Porn

News from the Hasbro presentation is that they’ll be introducing a new bot this fall to decimate both your wallet and shelf space. Fall of Cybertron Metroplex will clock in at 2 feet tall, have his own separate helper bot, … Continue reading →

Really, it’s the only explanation for the news of the Target Exclusive that dropped earlier today. Y’see; back in 87 we had Transformers characters that looked like this:

Children of the late 80s! Fear me! For I am your neon doom!

Except their toys didn’t look like that at all, they looked like pink and yellow atrocities like this:

Abominus struck fear into his enemies with his shocking lack of fashion sense.

Abominus was the combined form of the Terrorcons, a team of dragons and monsters that couldn’t even be controlled by their own faction. In concept, they were pretty cool. In execution…you know who loves hot pink toys that transform into sentient robotic monsters? If you raised your hand and said that one kid in middle school Science who liked to make the frogs “dance” when you dissected them, you’d be right. So how in the Allspark is THIS getting made:

Coming this Fall exclusively to Target, with fairly accurate homage colors. I’m not going to question it; but I sure will buy the hell out of it.

Finally realizing that the kids that bought their toys in the 80s are now adults that are STILL buying toys (in the…aughts? …teens? What the hell do we call this decade?); Hasbro has announced that they’re going to be releasing an adult collector line of “Star Wars” figures.

The Black Series will clock in at 6-inches and feature better details and articulation than the (increasingly unarticulated) 3.75-inch figs. And unlike those Hot Toys figures you see coming out of Japan, these will only set you back $20 instead of $200. Yay for mass marketing! The first wave will include X-Wing Luke, R2-D2, Darth Maul (grumble), and an Imperial Sandtrooper.

All we’ve seen so far is Luke; but damn if this isn’t the prettiest Luke action figure I’ve ever laid my eyes on.

Just like Beggar’s Canyon back home!

If the Sandtrooper looks half as good, I’m buying an entire troop. Release Dewbacks to go with them and I’ll buy a freaking platoon.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles hold a special place in the hearts of most men-children that grew up in the 80s. The cartoon was ridiculously cheesy, the premise ridiculous, and the toys plentiful. Seriously, there were at least 5 kajillion variations of the titular team. They lasted far longer than they should have and were revived, zombie-like (though not as actual zombies, which would’ve made a killing – HA), several times. Then after the latest iteration kicked off to the dark places in the sewers, Nickelodeon brought them back YET AGAIN. But this time they got it right. Taking cues from the (surprisingly violent) original comic, the designs were much more detailed and had actual personality. The toys followed suit. I haven’t purchased a TMNT toy since I was 13 (I’ve got to draw the line somewhere); but even I was impressed with sculpts on these latest figures. But still – not enough of a TMNT fan to justify dropping cash on them.

A robot ninja turtle? I’d forgotten that Metalhead even existed in the TMNT canon; but damn if that isn’t one awesome mashup of a toy. If get wind of one of the anthropomorphic Triceratops being made into a toy, I may have to break my long-standing “No Turtles” policy.

In advance of next week’s NYCC 2013 toy preview, Hasbro has deemed fit to release the following poster:

I can’t express how much glee this fills me with. Kre-Os recreating the iconic cover of Marvel’s G.I. Joe #1? Kre-O versions of my favorite 80s vehicles (I loved these more than Transformers, which is saying a lot.)?

Between that Scarlett Kre-O and the possibility of a Kre-O Cobra Night Raven, I just can’t stop “squeeeeing.”

Well, file this under “Things that I never expected to happen in a million years and would’ve never stopped collecting if I’d realized it was going to.” Fortress Maximus is getting an official reissue from Takara!

Fort Max is a bit of an oddity in the US – most of us 80s kids have a clearer notion of the other city-former, Metroplex, as he was smaller (and therefore more common) and was actually mentioned in the Transformers movie. However, Hasbro had to have a freaking enormous box to anchor the Transformers section of the toy aisle. Not to be outdone by their own USS Flagg (from the G.I. Joe line), they imported Fortress Maximus. He stood nearly two feet tall and was a double Headmaster (meaning his head transformed into a robot who’s head transformed into an even smaller robot). He was also $100 – which by 1987 standards meant he was strictly Santa-fodder and nigh-near unattainable. It also meant that, given modern production costs, there was no possible way Takara would ever reissue a bot that big.

Still with me? Good; because apparently someone realized that the adult nostalgia market could finally handle a toy with such a hefty price tag – the preorder is up at BBTS if your wallet is made of sturdier stuff than mine. Official pictures aren’t out yet; but hopefully he’ll come with his Master Sword (deemed too pointy and unsafe to be released in the US) and maybe, maybe, his Pretender shell (which was for one of the duo of robots that make up his noggin)! If you need a toy to bludgeon your younger brother into unconsciousness; there’s no better choice.