14 Years...

14 years and 1 day ago, I was on the phone with my grandpa who had told my family he was too tired and it was too cold to go on a camping trip I had gotten restricted from going on. They were going to leave me behind with a neighbor because I failed math. He made up not feeling well so that we would reschedule it for when I could go. I told him I loved him and we laughed at our little plan and how it had worked.

14 years ago today, at this hour. I was on a plane to see his dead body. Every other year I miss the anniversary. On the 23rd I freak out and am like, OMG, he has been gone this n this many years. But this year is different. Up until now I had him for over half my life but as of today he's been gone longer then half of it.

I miss his face, his silver hair, his deep laugh and the person my dad was before he lost HIS father.

I hope that someone loves me so much someday that when I die, they feel the pain so long after. I'm glad I'm able to feel this way.

I'd never thought of it that way before......"I'm glad I'm able to feel this way. I'm alive." Grief is always looked upon as a bad thing in a sense. It is directly related to the hurt you feel over losing someone you love. I'm the type of person that tries so hard to see a silver lining in everything that happens and that just made the silver lining on missing those I love. I'm able to grieve and miss them and carry their being in my heart cuz I'm alive. Probably took your sentence way out of context but that is how I felt when I read it. So thank you for sharing that. And that you still miss and hurt for your grandpa so many years later is proof to what a great man he was. To what an impact he had in your life. You are lucky to have had such a wonderful person in your life hun. Treasure the memories.

Your grandfather will always be with you for as long as you hold him in your heart..Do you ever visit his grave site?? It would give you more of a connection to him and allow you to have a chat with him..Best Wishes...

itmahanh, no that was exactly what I meant. Kind of become my mantra. I feel it because I'm alive

Stranger1, yeah I visit him as often as I can. He is buried a state away. Sounds creepy but when I was in college (i lived in that town) I used to go chill at his grave and read or just tell him all the crap with the family or school. Never in a creepy or morbid way, just going for a talk. One time I fell asleep there for a little while and a couple times the sprinklers turned on on me. I know he isn't there but I think maybe he tunes in when I am.