Tithe mither

Just when you thought they couldn't get any more winsome and cuddly, Her Maj's tax collectors announced that they are on a mission to reclaim underpayments of £2bn from 1.4 million people due to a teensy miscalculation by the Revenue affecting the amounts paid through Paye over the last six years.

Good socialists that we all are, we naturally rejoice that the mistakes have been spotted and our proper tithes can be calculated and collected for the good of the many at last. Tax, after all, is not a burden on the individual but a contribution to the whole. Naturally there are those who say, "You made the mistake, I acted in good faith and spent what was left over. Now sod off," and a revolt among the afflicted (as they see themselves) does seem to be gathering pace. So hard to understand such mean-spiritedness, isn't it? So hard.

Shine on

Just in case – just in case – you were still clinging on to any last vestige of faith that anyone, anywhere was actually intending to do something about patching up the regulatory net around the international banking system so that we don't all plummet to our financial deaths, Barclays has put a merciful end to such thoughts by appointing the personification of bonus culture as its new chief executive. You ought to be grateful. It's the hope that kills you in the end, you know.

Diamond has amassed a £100m fortune during his career, most famously through building up Barclays Capital, the group's investment arm, from scratch. But the new appointment's remuneration package will put those heady days behind him, though it is still unlikely to leave him starving in a garret.

Roll on Sir John Vickers' banking commission report next September. We could surely do with a laugh by then.

Roasted sparrow?

Peggy Mitchell

This Thursday marks the end of an era. The Queen Vic is to be torched by newly crack-addicted Phil and his muvver, demented Cockney sparrer Peggy (left) is to be inside. Although the BBC refuses to confirm or deny rumours that the little bird will be roasted like a Nigella starter, actor Barbara Windsor, 73, pictured, has said she is leaving the show to spend more time with her husband. Who now will bestride the square like a non-colossus, squawking madly about faaamlee, insisting that Fur-wank Butcher was a viable love interest and generally making a pint of talent fill a hogshead of career? We shall never see her like again. Hopefully.

What they said

"Certain papers won't get me in the doghouse." Smithy the tweeting police dog after West Midlands police were criticised for setting up an account for him.

"It was like a pipe with a screw and some wires were hanging out of it." Brendan Shannon, eight, who found a pipe bomb in his school playground.

"Lady Gaga's job is to do outlandish things, and this certainly qualifies as outlandish because meat is something you want to avoid putting on or in your body." Peta president Ingrid Newkirk after the singer appeared on the cover of Japanese Vogue wearing a meat bikini.

What we've learned

• The Beano Club has stopped accepting new members

• Cambridge has topped a league table of the world's best universities

• 51% of stray dogs were reunited with their owners last year

• 19% of people have passed off a shop-bought pudding as homemade

• The bridge at Stuntney Road, Ely is the most bashed-into in Britain

And what we haven't

• How we're going to live in a world that has Ann Widdecombe on Strictly Come Dancing