Epic failure has a new home.

Archive for April, 2009

There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.

Bobby Knight knows three things: (1) basketball; (2) hunting; and (3) berating the media (of which he is now a member). Of these three categories, only the third is his true gift to humanity. Beat writers are Knight’s canvas. F-bombs are his paint. So none of us should be surprised when he spontaneously creates another masterpiece.

How does Allen Iverson’s Pistons jersey come in 5th? He averaged a career low 17.5 ppg and was basically a healthy scratch for the playoffs. But I suppose the youth of America still loves A.I.

I’m glad to see Chris Paul in 3rd; you don’t typically see the appreciation for an NBA assist leader.

Nate Robinson at 8th is frightening. What is the mind-set there? “Man, I really love the Knicks, I’ll buy whatever jersey is in the store.” Let me make a humble suggestion to all those Knick fans thinking that: go ahead and pick up a throwback. Walt Frazier, Willis Reed, and Patrick Ewing are all solid suggestions. Hell, break out a John Starks for all I care, at least he played in the playoffs.

One thing I wished when reading that list was that it went beyond 15 players or 10 teams. Thus with that in mind I’ve concocted what I believe to be the bottom 5 players and bottom 5 teams:

As expected, Dwight Howard has been suspended one game for his nasty ‘bow to the face of Sam “Le Fromage Canadienne” Dalembert. Out west, those who still have jobs were mostly unable to watch the game and are generally unaware that Howard’s other elbow decimated Courtney Lee’s face earlier in the game, breaking his sinus (?) and leaving the Magic two starters down for Game 6 in Philly.

Lucky for Orlando, Rafer “Skip to My Lou” Alston is like a modern-day, real-life Atlas and can easily take the team upon his shoulders.

No, not the lovable, hardworking, better-known-as-a-sidekick-hobbit Rudy. This letter goes out to one much closer to our black, black hearts here at Seasons of Discontent.

Mr. Carpenter:

We all want to cheer for the hometown team. You know, be true to your school and all. So you avoided the open hostility of at least this ASU fan for the past few years. Despite your constantly-running mouth, let alone your unique penchant for following a potentially drive-crushing sack with a certainly game-crushing interception. Still, your membership on the team and your willingness to play through injuries were just enough to prevent me from openly wishing you severe bodily harm. I was probably guilty of wishing moderate harm. Maybe not a Theisman-esque, “I never thought I’d get to see my own bone marrow” injury, but certainly something minor and poorly understood. Like a lis franc. Maybe an inflamed bursa sac.

Well, now you’ve signed with the Cowboys. Rudy, thank you for confirming everything I’ve always believed about you, and tipping the scales so I can actively root to see your insides exposed to the outsides. Which will be the only way you’ll ever be mentioned in the same breath as Napolean McCallum or any other NFL starter (youtube it if you dare). Oh, and good luck getting past Isiah Stanback* on the depth chart.

On Tuesday, the Jets released Brett Favre, allowing him to become a free agent. Of all the headlines that ESPN could have put across my computer screen in April, none could have made me roll my eyes quite like that one. I’d hoped that was all I’d hear about this for a while…but we all know that couldn’t be the case. Thus imagine my non-surprise when Bus Cook comments that “(Brett’s) retired, and he doesn’t have any desire to come back, and that’s the way it is with Brett”. Really Bus? That’s the way it is with Brett? Here’s a few headlines to jog your memory:

Michigan sophomore quarterback Steven Threet has announced he will transfer to ASU in the fall. Under NCAA rules he must sit out the 2009 season before competing for the starting job in the 2010 . ASU fans welcome this news following the departures of Jack Elway and Chasen Stangel from the team, but they should be highly skeptical of Threet despite his Michigan pedigree. Actually, they should be highly skeptical BECAUSE of Threet’s Michigan pedigree. Threet will not become the next Jake Plummer or Andrew Walter. He is more likely to be a new Rudy Carpenter, sans the talent.

In case you haven’t heard, or seen it on the Yankee/Red Sox Sports Programming Network (ESPN), the New York Yankees have a brand new ballpark. Apparently it is a world-class facility. Problem is, no one in New York is going to see it because it costs about as much as a four year college education — at USC — for season tickets.

In recognition of this embarrassment dilemma, good ol’ Hank has decided to lighten the load by lowering tickets prices for all the premium seating which continues to remain glaringly empty on Yankee broadcasts.