Lipsticks shaped like penises are a thing and we don’t know how to feel

AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT FOR ALL BEAUTY AND PENIS ENTHUSIASTS: Lipsticks shaped liked penises exist in the world.

Yep. Here’s the beauty product you’ve been waiting for all your life. They’ve actually been around for a few years now, but they’re suddenly popping up on Instagram all over again.

I mean. There’s really not much to say other than this: these are lipsticks shaped like penises. They have tiny veins etched along the side. They come in plenty of colours that would not be healthy for an actual penis to be. Some of them have a touch of shimmer.

The lipsticks are mostly sold as cute little hen do gifts, because everyone loves to celebrate the joy of matrimony by smearing a dick on their lips.

But hey. Even if you’re not getting hitched, perhaps you’ll still enjoy the glory of having a bunch of teeny-tiny penis lipsticks in your makeup bag.

You can buy them through Etsy. To be fair, they’re actually really reasonably priced and come in fairly wearable shades.

And we think the penis tip would actually give pretty decent application.

And boobs, too, after his friend bet him $100,000 (£68,000) that he wouldn’t get breast implants – something no man should ever bet a self-confessed gambler.

Because whether it’s spending an entire month locked in his friend’s bathroom or a night under a bridge with $10,000 (£7,000) tied to his feet, there’s little Brian won’t do for a bet.

So it won’t come as much of a surprise when we tell you it didn’t take him much convincing to go ahead with the breast implants.

‘About 1997-ish, I was in some restaurant in Europe and I was with two friends and his girlfriend at the time was flaunting her boobs and I said to my friend: ‘If I had boobs like hers I could get just as much attention as she would’, he told E!.

‘Then he came up with $100k and I shook his hand and that was it, it was a bet.’

Apparently, it wasn’t hard to get the surgery in the slightest. Brian knew a plastic surgeon who was also a gambler in New York. He went to his office and simply asked: ‘Can you put boobs in for me?’.

Knowing Brian Zembic all too well, the surgeon was aware it was a bet straight away.

So, how do you think Brian paid for his boob job?

By playing backgammon with the surgeon for an hour, and winning $5,000 (£3,000).

Yeah, he really does know what he’s doing.

All this happened almost 20 years ago – despite the original bet stipulating that Brian had to keep his implants for one year to get the $100,000.

He would receive another $10,000 for every year he kept them in after that.

But no one expected Brian to keep them in for 20 years. Not even Brian.

Though Brian’s friend described the breast implants as ‘the best $100,000 he’s ever lost’, Brian will star on Botched on American channel E! tonight at 9pm, a show that is totally focused around plastic surgery disasters.

What we don’t know, is exactly what Brian Zembic will be saying on the show. Is he finally getting rid of the boobs? Is he going up a size? Is his whole appearance on the show a bet?

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And you thought your high school experience sucked: Some unlucky (or maybe lucky, depending on their feelings toward gross-out B-movies) students at a Tennessee school had to watch Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) during class — and parents weren’t happy.

For the uninitiated, The Human Centipede series revolves around a train of humans sewn together in, uh, let’s just say really gross ways. The second film follows a man who watches the first movie and then creates his own centipede. It was so grotesque that the British Board of Film Classification initially refused to give it a classification, therefore preventing it from entering U.K. theaters. (They later gave it an “18” classification after cuts were made.)

Why a teacher decided to show students this film is unclear, though franchise director Tom Six totally supports it: “It should be mandatory to watch THC2 in school classes,” he tweeted in response to the news. “It deals with a character that is bullied and what to do!”

Superintendent Verna Ruffin disagrees. “The matter has been addressed,” she told The Jackson Sun. “It is inappropriate and unacceptable.” A press release from the school obtained by Jackson Sun reporter Katherine Burgess specifies that the district has launched “an internal investigation regarding the alleged viewing of an inappropriate film” and that the teacher “was immediately suspended and remains suspended pending the outcome of the investigation.”

That’s not the greatest news for this torture porn-loving teacher, but there is a silver lining. “This awesome teacher gets a specially signed copy of THC2 from me!” Six tweeted. But what about those poor students, Six?

Heinz has been forced to apologise after a QR code on its iconic ketchup bottle redirected one customer to a hardcore porn website.

Daniel Korell scanned the QR code – an optical label which stores data including URLs – thinking he was about to be redirected to a promotional Heinz website to design his own ketchup bottle label.

However, the German man was instead sent to a hardcore pornography website.

US food company Heinz ran its label designing competition between 2012 and 2014. Unfortunately, the website address for the Heinz promotion expired earlier this year.

German porn website FunDorado recently nabbed the ex-Heinz web address and used the domain to host its own pornographic content, The Local has reported.

This is why the two-year-old Heinz QR code began redirecting users to a porn-filled website.

We really regret the event very much and we’re happy to take your suggestions for how we implement future campaigns on board
Heinz
Mr Korell informed Heinz about the repurposing of their promotional website via the firm’s Facebook page.

He wrote that the ketchup “probably isn’t for minors” and blasted the firm for allowing its domain to expire so soon after the promotion.

Heinz replied: “We really regret the event very much and we’re happy to take your suggestions for how we implement future campaigns on board.”

The baked bean firm told Mr Korell he would receive a free bottle of ketchup, with his own custom label.

Porn website FunDorado later commented on the same Facebook thread offering the unhappy customer a free one-year subscription to its hardcore webpage, The Verge reports.

If music really turns you on – and many eminent psychologists say it can – then this is the sex toy for you.

A guy in the US has taken his keyboard apart to create something he believes is quite wonderful.

The speaker has been swapped for an E-stimulation sex toy, and the contraption’s creator promises ‘electric sensations’, saying rhythm patters ‘act as e-stim programs’.

Known as the Casio SK-1 E-stim BDSM Sex Toy circuit bent bondage, it’s up for sale on Ebay right now, at a cost of $229, or £151.

The product description boldly states: ‘It can still function as a “normal” keyboard if you attach a speaker or headphones to the output – but the speaker has been removed and replaced with parts to turn it into an e-stim device.

‘A 3.5mm output jack has been added, so when standard lead wires are attached it functions as an electric sex toy.

‘The “sounds” become electric sensations.’

It comes with ‘two sets of pads and a new, sealed vaginal insertable’.

And it boldly promises: ‘Buy this, attach the pads or insert the probe, turn the volume about half way up, and be amazed.’

A couple of years ago, a study by journal Frontiers in Psychology found a small percentage of people can experience a ‘skin orgasm’ from music.

As for the sex toy, the eBay seller promises there’s a lot more to come.

They wrote: ‘Note that I will have other e-stim device auctions in the near future, including more SK-1s and some Yamaha PSS-140’s that are very powerful.’

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Todgers to the left, tackle to the right, which ever way you come and go, there are literally wangers everywhere!

No, you haven’t stumbled into one of Soho’s sex shops – this is Haesindang Park, in South Korea.

Dozens of sculptures have been erected… uh-hum… showing the phallic form in a variety of interesting ways.

This isn’t down to a couple of architects having a laugh, there’s actually a tragic legend behind it all.

It is believed a virgin drowned off the rocks near the park which caused a local fishing business to dry up.

The town was said to be cursed until a fisherman relieved himself in the sea and he was suddenly able to catch fish again… gross!

But villagers detected an angry virgin spirit left in the air.

So they decided to make giant phallic statues to appease her horny ghost. Obviously.

The photos were taken by a flabbergasted John Crux, a photographer from Wembley Down, Australia.

The 30-year-old said he Googled the best places to see in South Korea and amid the usual results of temples and national parks, he stumbled across mens’ shafts.

I was amazed and a little confused the entire time I was here – the place had a genuine purpose behind why it was first created, but what people I did see there were all having their photo taken hugging the statues.

The park was a lot bigger than I expected and the statues are everywhere. Some of them are seriously artistic masterpieces though.

Watching old Korean people hugging penis statues and acting like children was quite entertaining.

Salesman Oliver Dietmann, who accidentally killed his lover while using a cucumber as a sex toy goes on trial for negligent homicide in Germany

Oliver Dietmann, 46, could be jailed for five years for the bedroom death of his lover Rica Varna, also 46.

The court in Mannheim where he is on trial had members of his victim’s family including her father and sister in the public gallery hearing the sordid details of the episode, which also featured a bunch of carrots and some courgettes.

He told the court he and his lover ‘often used vegetables’ as a substitute for sex toys.

He said he had met Rica in 2004, their relationship turning sexual five years later. on July 19 2014 he invited her around to his place where the cucumber was used ‘to pleasure her.’

He admitted that they had drunk four bottles of wine between them and several glasses of schnapps. A post mortem later showed that she was nearly four times over the legal limit to drive a car.

He told the court how after the cucumber had served its purpose ‘I put it it in her mouth. But suddenly I saw there was smoke coming from the kitchen. I forgot that I had put a piece of meat on the stove for my dog.

‘I ran to the kitchen, fed my dog and then went on to the balcony to smoke a cigarette.’ He said when he returned to the bedroom, Rica was unconscious.

When it comes to guarding a field of rapeseed and keeping away pests what could be better than a scarecrow?

Well, now you come to mention it – a retired blowup sex doll, perhaps?

These bizarre pictures, which have gone viral in China, show an inflatable sex toy easing into her retirement.

The muddy sex doll also wears a yellow safety helmet and has reportedly been a real turn off for pesky birds – and people.

The naked (and rather stained) blow-up doll is thought to have belonged to a worker at a construction site near the field in Chengdu, capital of China’s south-western Sichuan Province.

It was then found by a local rapeseed (Brassica napus, FYI) farmer, who stood it up in the patch of greenery in order to ward of crows and other unwanted pests.

The yellow helmet, which also belonged to the construction worker, was placed on the blow-up doll’s head in order to cover its jet-black hair and to add more realism to the unorthodox scarecrow.

Rapeseed, which is consumed in China as a vegetable, is also used around the world to make cooking oil.

It is reportedly the fastest growing vegetable oil in the United Kingdom because of its nutty flavour, health benefits – and also because it is home-grown. And UK shoppers are now increasingly turning to the cheaper and healthier alternative to olive oil.

Apple is expected to announce a new 4-inch iPhone SE. The iPhone SE that combines the size of the iPhone 5S with features from the iPhone 6 and 6S, so 5 + 6 + 6S = iPhone SE. It will also supposedly be upgrading the 9.7-inch iPad, giving it updated internals, a Smart Connector, and Apple Pencil support imported from the iPad Pro. The Apple Watch may get some love in the form of new band colors and combinations, but rumors say not to expect a full hardware refresh just yet.

As expected, Apple at its ‘Let Us Loop You In’ event on Monday has unveiled a 4-inch iPhone. At the event, the company is also expected to unveil a 9.7-inch iPad Pro, and new Apple Watch Bands

Called the iPhone SE (where the SE is thought to stand for ‘special edition’), the new Apple smartphone is meant to address both the demand for a smaller screen iPhone, as well as the demand for a cheap iPhone. The Apple iPhone SE features innards similar to the iPhone 6s, but comes with a design and form factor that’s reminiscent of the iPhone 5s – the company’s last 4-inch iPhone.

Looking nearly identical to the iPhone 5s, the iPhone SE comes with the colour variants introduced with the iPhone 6s – including Rose Gold. It also features more rounded edges on the top and bottom panels, more like the iPhone 6 than the iPhone 5s.

Apple has priced the iPhone SE 16GB at $399, while the 64GB variant is priced at $499. The new iPhone will go on sale on March 31, and will be in 100 countries by May.

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Kelloggs’ Tony the Tiger begs sex-crazed fans to stop tweeting PORN at him

The enthusiastic Kelloggs mascot was given his own Twitter account to champion Frosties and his less than extensive vocabulary but things took a sinister turn

The internet can be a disturbing place and now it seems no-one – not even Tony the Tiger – is safe.

The enthusiastic Kelloggs mascot was given his own Twitter account to champion Frosties and his less than extensive vocabulary.

But the cereal-loving tiger’s musings became hijacked by a little-known group who branded themselves ‘furries’.

‘Furries’ are adults who dress in animal costumes for sexual purposes, and they seem to have made poor Tony their unsuspecting idol.

The @realtonytiger has been inundated with erotic messages and images , often giving a dark edge to some of his comments, such as: “Is there any better way to describe my #FrostedFlakes? #fillinyourGRRREAT”

Among the responses were, “frost my flakes daddy” and “my flakes are dry, help a fox out daddy”.

Despite Tony blocking a number of ‘furries’, the innuendo continued.

The exasperated big cat was forced to address the issue head-on today, tweeting: “I’m all for showing your stripes, feathers, etc. But let’s keep things gr-r-reat – & family-friendly if you could. Cubs could be watching.”

The @realtonytiger has been inundated with erotic messages and images , often giving a dark edge to some of his comments, such as: “Is there any better way to describe my #FrostedFlakes? #fillinyourGRRREAT”

Among the responses were, “frost my flakes daddy” and “my flakes are dry, help a fox out daddy”.

Despite Tony blocking a number of ‘furries’, the innuendo continued.

The exasperated big cat was forced to address the issue head-on today, tweeting: “I’m all for showing your stripes, feathers, etc. But let’s keep things gr-r-reat – & family-friendly if you could. Cubs could be watching.”

In an even weirder twist, even Cheetos mascot Chester Cheetah jumped in after furries started tweeting at him.

One asked, “What would @ChesterCheetah think of being called Daddy by his adoring fans???”

The cheeky cheetah replied, “I welcome all fans to my twitter feed. Scales, feathers, or fur, if you enjoy my tweets then welcome!”