And here you are with only only two pairs, both of which are hand-me-downs from your crazy insane friend Ericka, and which, because of that, do not fit so well.

But, such is the nature of life, in which the crazy sexy people and the obsessive-compulsive writing people who dress up like the duchesses in the Eloise stories are able to accumulate millions of dollars worth of luxury shoes, while hard working peoples, such as yourself, must go barely shod with only the couple-three dozen pairs of mostly mid-range shoes to your name.

So you go to the website of this Danielle Steel, who, although not to your taste, is one of your mother’s all time favorite writers, to see what is all the fuss, and you discover this remarkable sentence…

My other favorite haunt these days is IKEA

… juxtaposed next to the photograph of the room that looks something like Louis-Napoleon’s boudoir.

Clearly, this woman should be writing the Lord of the Rings style books about elves who have many complicated romantic entanglements, because she obviously has the very rich fantasy life.

And then you imagine what the first chapter of this book would be like…

Galindral Vinewhip sipped his warm mead, his first cup of the morning, and turned to the society pages in the Middle Earth Tattler to see who among his acquaintances was allegedly in love with whom, who was giving a dinner party where, who would attend, and who would presumably not show up because of the latest social feud. He knew only too well that there would be an item or two from their reporter in Marbellathric, that very tony resort on the sunny Aetheic Sea, where only the most beautiful elves wintered. He also knew that his ex-wife, Nostariel Grimjester, would be mentioned….

“Hmm,” you think to yourself, “this has potential.”

And so you resolve in that instant to write the Daniel-Steel-meets-Tolkien novel and get very exceedingly rich (because everyone knows that the quickest and easiest way to spectacular wealth is by writing novels).

But first, you must be inspired by looking at shoes you will soon undoubtedly own…

One day last year I resolved to buy a pair of Loubs. So I trekked to Neiman Marcus and tried on a pair. Then I tried on a different size. Then I tried on a different style. And another different size. Know what? Every single pair I tried on hurt and not just a little. The expensive and iconic red-soled shoes felt terrible on my feet as if I had tried on a pair of poorly-constructed economy shoes. I have decided that these shoes are meant as art and really don’t belong on the feet. 6,000 pair could not be more ridiculous – it certainly tops the iPod excesses of Lagerfeld.

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Manolo the Shoeblogger is not Mr. Manolo Blahnik. This website is not affiliated in any way with Mr. Manolo Blahnik, any products bearing the federally registered trademarks MANOLO®, BLAHNIK® or MANOLO BLAHNIK®, or any licensee of said federally registered trademarks. The views expressed on this website are solely those of the author.