Another Milestone: Stepping Out of The Work

Dear readers, I’d like to share my personal story of what happened in my last 2 weeks, a turnover for my life.

I recall the sequence of events starting on 13-Nov-2015. I was just getting back from a remote base to my location. In the afternoon, I joined a meeting regarding a downturn effect of latest turmoil in oil and gas industry. The company wanted to reduce the benefits, so all employees entitled with those particular benefits were expected to come. Then bla bla bla, protests, curiosity, etc. I went home and informed my husband about the possibility of us not receiving big amount of allowance starting the next month. He didn’t really complain about it and he wanted me to stay positive. Then we had dinner, normal couple weekend, played with our dog, window shopping, cooking, etc.

I asked my boss if I could spend the following week at base to continue my control. He said nothing really replying it, instead, he asked me to come to client’s office on Monday for morning meeting. I texted back OK.

Then, the Monday 16-Nov came. Everything started normally. I woke up in the morning, prepared for the client meeting, dressed up office casual, and off I went to the client’s offices, finished meeting, came back to base. I reported to my boss about the meeting, etc. Then I heard that somebody else was assigned to the job I assumed I was assigned to. I normally thought OK maybe my boss indeed approved my wish to stay at base to continue my control for my promotion step. I didn’t really go through much work that day because I had homework to playback some data for the delivery.

Then in the late afternoon around 4.15pm, my boss called me asked me not to go home yet because he had something to discuss in the HR office. Hmmm…interesting I think. It could be either bad news or good news. Bad news, if it was about termination, as people got laid off so often. If the company got paid for releasing people as releasing music albums, it could be extremely rich.

Now, back to the story. Good news, if it was about my promotion step. I didn’t know yet but I tried to think positively, yet my mind always thought about the bad news.
On the 2nd floor near HR office, two bosses were there and I felt o..o… Dang something terrible would spread after this.
I was invited to HR office and I still remember the detail of the conversation, I write it here in English.

(by the time I’m writing this, I stop for today, because it’s already 23.30. I want to continue tomorrow morning. But actually the reason is beyond the timing. It’s more about my emotion. I have to write something emotional and mind-occupying and I don’t want to drain my emotion level right before going to bed as I believe this might induce nightmare to me. I don’t know I’ll make the report tomorrow)

I’m back.

Ok I didn’t have nightmare. Where were we left? Let’s continue.

The detail of the conversation:
My boss : Do you know why you’re here?
Me : I guess I know. I had repeated failure.
My boss cued the HR manager to continue, then she proceded.
HR manager : So Sekar, without any further ado, you’re here to be released.
By that time, moment of silence. I continued the conversation the moment after, full of professionalism, with my good reasoning skill to analyze and comprehend the situation, that this is purely business needs, bla bla bla. My manager said there was nothing wrong with my performance, it’s only the crisis condition that pushed the organization to release people like this. I know.

I do understand. I’ve prepared my mental since long time ago, maybe since the first wave.

But then my emotion could not be calmed easily. My reasoning didn’t really win over my emotion, because I felt so empty and at the same time, denial.

“Why me?”

It’s always the question. Why me? Why not this guy or that girl or that manager or this function, etc etc etc. Because I’m human. I’m as worthy and potential as other talents in this company. I’m smarter, I work harder, I work in a tough condition, etc etc. But then, decision has been made and I have to say good bye and the company keeps going. Whatever. I told the remaining colleagues that evening. One of them shed tears, so did I. Anyway, my tears were mix of happy and sad formula.

I signed the release package document in no time, and returned all company assets and ID the next day, 17-Nov-2015.The evening of 17-Nov, as arranged before by my ex-boss, we had farewell dinner. It was a very friendly dinner with lift-hearted conversation. Everybody tried to cheer up my mood, which really didn’t need to be cheered up because I tried to win my reasoning. It was my friends who were touched.

At the end of the day, I got full release package. My husband, mother-in-law, and my parents, they all accepted the condition and didn’t push me to hurry up for the next offer. I push myself, though. I applied to companies starting from day 1 unemployed.

That’s all for today. I’ll write more posts about what my next plan is, what my current activities are.