REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS – 5 SIGNS YOUR EX IS IN ONE & WHY THEY FAIL

Let’s talk about rebound relationships. You know, that thing you’ll never label your ex as being in because you’re more comfortable convincing yourself that he’s a changed, f*cktard-no-more, emotionally available, empathetic prince that’s now with a new/hot/cool girl who’s everything you never were and never can be. He’s doing everything with her that he wouldn’t do with you, no matter how hard you tried. The breakout on your forehead begins to read “FML” in Braille.

Rebound relationships, once understood and identified, will actually help you get over your ex, your breakup and your heartbreak much faster than trying to FBI-investigate, stalk, obsess, drink, hot-selfie post and gossip your way out of it, ever will.

After the heartbreak execution-style-emotional-gang-bang-psychological-mortal-combat-level-impossible that is breaking up, the next step is moving on. You may have even gotten to the point where you start to feel yourself getting better, thinking about him every few hours instead of every.single.f*cking.second. And then, you find out from a mutual friend that he’s moved on.

It’s not a race but it kind of totally is and he just f*cking won. He beat you to it. All the “progress” that you convinced yourself you made is long gone and you’re left feeling like an un-sexy, unwanted fool. You start bracing yourself for the inevitable proposal that was supposed to be yours while you scroll through the Instagram of her Aunt’s daughter’s prom date’s sister’s brother.

But maybe, this could actually be a good thing…. You heard me. Maybe the joke’s on him, karma is slowly kicking in and he’s in the biggest relationsh*t joke of all: the rebound.

What exactly are rebound relationships?

What are the 5 main signs that your ex is in one & why are rebound relationships the ultimate fail?

Let’s find out? YES YES YES.

What exactly are rebound relationships and why are we so hesitant to label our ex as being in one?

Rebound relationships are a specific type of relationsh*t that forms relatively quickly after a breakup with someone that you were claiming to be serious with, committed to, “seeing a future” with, loyal to, and emotionally involved with.

Rebound relationships are nothing more than distractions. Period. The reason that they usually result in epic fail is because of the very distraction that they provide. As long as you’re “distracted,” you never get to emotionally heal, deal and ultimately better yourself by learning from your mistakes and evolving. You’re still the same bag of douches in the same kind of relationsh*t, no matter who you’re with. This is how negative patterns are developed and why people keep dating different types of partners; getting the same result.

The reason that we are so hesitant to label our exes as being in rebound relationships is because we’re vulnerable and our happiness has been taken away. It then becomes so much easier to subscribe to the story that he’s a better, emotionally available man in a better relationship with a better girl. All the insecurities that he activated, all of the things that he made you question about yourself in your relationship are now valid, so why NOT believe that he’s happy? It gives you a license to continue to remain passively invested through closeted and humiliating means that do nothing but further disintegrate your confidence and value.

So as far as rebound relationships go, what are the 5 main signs that your ex is in one?

He started the relationsh*t before he ended it or as he was ending it with you.

If it’s been a relatively short amount of time (it’s all relative, but I like to say 3 months or less), since the breakup/last time he spoke with you, it’s highly likely that this is a relationsh*t of the rebound species. The faster he moves on after the breakup, the more affected by the relationship and hurt he was (and is). If he starts dating someone new right away, it’s an immediate cop-out from accountability and from having to explain to everyone why he’s still single. It saves him from having to explain to everyone why he has yet another failed relationship under his belt. It also provides a distraction from having to think about you, from having to explain his actions and from having to talk about you to inquiring family and friends, let alone utter your name. Think about it. Because he’s dating someone else, he doesn’t have to explain to anyone why it didn’t work out with you (and generally, guys like this are so narcissistic, they don’t like having to view or talk about themselves/their actions in a negative way).

Even if he doesn’t directly flaunt his new relationsh*t, he makes it known on social media that he’s happy/changed/succesful/”busy,” etc. This is nothing more than chain yanking at its finest and also an attempt to see if he can still elicit a reaction out of you. If you freak out and start texting him “WTF FU texts,” it does nothing but inflate his ego and make him feel like less of an a**hole for the breakup (because if he truly screwed you over/broke your heart, you throwing a fit because he’s with someone new translates to him that you still care and if you still care it means that he can’t be that bad of a guy, because if he was really that bad, you wouldn’t be giving him the time of day). It also affirms that he has made the right decision by not being with you.

Friends/family/coworkers are surprised that he’s in a new relationship already.

The new girl is vastly different from you. This proves the whole distraction factor even more.

Why do rebound relationships fail?

Rebound relationships fail because no evolution or change takes place on his end. No healing, no dealing. It’s hard to form a mutual, genuine and long-term relationship with someone that was either built on deception or has happened directly after a previous relationship has ended. If he was an emotionally unavailable f*cktard with you and he’s now dating someone after you’ve broken up, you can bet he’s still the same guy with her – no matter what he posts, snaps or tweets. And it doesn’t matter how amazing she is either. Ultimately, no one can make anyone change out of being who they are at the core.

I know it’s hard, but you don’t need to keep making this all about you. Him moving on has absolutely nothing to do with you. The reason that it feels like it’s all about you is because you’re tying your value to his actions and inactions. You keep looking to him for validation. Just because he’s made the decision to date someone new, that decision doesn’t devalue who you are. Someone else’s decisions and your value are two separate entities; completely independent of one another.

You’re giving this guy too much credit. He clearly didn’t put you on the forefront of his decision making while you were in the relationsh*t, so why are you assuming that he’s going to make all of his post-relationsh*t decisions with your feelings in mind?

He’s just as validation hungry as you are. He needed a quick distraction from having to address his own issues, so he started to look for someone else to fool. Instead of dealing with his emotions in a healthy way and taking the time to emotionally heal and deal, he chose to get involved in a rebound relationship because that’s what narcissistic, emotionally disconnected guys who are incapable of empathy DO.

So what do you do? You stay on your white horse, choose to reside in a state of non-reactivity and get out of the compare game. I know it’s hard.

This new fling will not work out because he is still the disconnected guy that he was before you, with you, and that he’s continuing on to be because THIS IS WHO HE IS. It doesn’t matter how amazing of a girl you think he’s with or how convinced you are that he’s REALLY moved on and changed. He hasn’t.

Go about your business, do your thing and don’t give into the urge to gossip to friends, analyze the crap out of whats going on or contact him and play into the “psychotic desperate ex” part that he’s so certain you’re going to play, he’s already written the part for you in his mind (so he can remain a victim).

Let him have his victim card. Don’t get preoccupied with being “right,” “chosen,” or “winning.” If he treated you with an absence of respect, decency, loyalty, love or value, believe me when I say that there is absolutely nothing to “win.” Every time you miss him, come here to the blog. Even if he get’s married tomorrow – none of it is an indicator of a changed and evolved person. If that were the case, there would be no divorces in the world.

Change and evolution take time – time that you’re not willing to waste by waiting around.

x Natasha

+ If you need further and more personalized help, please look into working with me here.

Lilly

YASSS! Holy WOW. You nailed it once again and you look so fierce in those pants. I read that someone said this in another comment on the last post, but you do really look exactly like Kate Beckinsale. Gorge!

Gems

Melody

Yup yup yup the inevitable conundrum of unanswered questions and tying my worth to what my ex might be in now, the famous unreliable source to move on “the rebound.” I’m very familiar and the term rebound. It is almost as similar to what the term rebound is used in basketball. In basketball, after someone attempts to shoot the ball, whether the player makes it in the hoop or not, the opposing team is suppose to grab the basketball quickly enough to bring it to their side of the court without the other team getting another advantage to shoot. In the same way, my ex went to grab a person (the rebound) at a fast pace to hopefully make a score. If my ex doesn’t score with taking advantage of the rebound, there is a chance he will be coming right back. To me. What’s different now, is that I saw the strategy my ex was trying to cook up because I was on the other side of the court watching him play. If and when he comes back, I won’t be that sucker. Not anymore. I’m done playing.

Diane V.

Power in that article. I GOT it. I did. Maybe he’ll replace the new pic that the “rebound” took of him with the one I took for his dating profile. C L A S S Y. What a big tub of DOUCHE. Lol. Thank you for the post, N ?

Gem

Thank you so much Natasha. Everytime I miss him I come to this blog and read it. Rebound Relationships. You talk about whatever I need on right moment Love you. xoxoxoxo. I love your last picture on Instagram as well

Paola

I’ve heard he’s been dating countless of girls but its only one date and he goes to the next date some even the same day. I know there was one he like but she didn’t like him back. He hasn’t really been successful even if he shows up he has more than one date per day. I don’t know if its the same thing as rebound relationships or sinilar.

Lucy R

Is it still considered a rebound if he was the one to break up with me? We were together for nearly 8 years, very much in love until the last 6 months we each had some stressful times at work and I had a death in the family. Unfortunately it took its toll and we drifted apart, but just as things were getting better he said he wanted to break up. He has been with an old flame ever since we broke up and it’s quite possible that they were messaging whilst we were still together which helps explain why he didn’t want to work on things as this was our first ever bump in the road for our entire relationship, so it didn’t make sense to me that he just wanted to give up until I realised there was another girl on the scene. I don’t think he’s dealt with any emotions, but I don’t know if he actually has any because he can’t be that sad if he’s moved on already. My family and friends are so shocked by his behaviour, could it be possible it’s a distraction and he doesn’t have to think about us parting? It’s so unfair I’m here heartbroken and hoping for someone nice to come along whilst he’s off having a lovely time in the honeymoon period with someone else. I desperately don’t want to feel this way anymore and I keep being told how lovely I am and that I won’t be single for long, but I don’t have much faith that I’ll find someone else. It’s such a huge knock to your confidence and self-esteem it’s kind of unreal. 🙁

Jeanann

OMG this is amazing. Me and my ex broke up in March however we slept together at the end of May. Since then we were going back and forth him dragging me along and putting me on the back burner until i finally decided to stop contact. AND THEN i find out he’s with another girl and doing almost the exact same things he did with/for me and at first i was so hurt thinking our relationship meant nothing to him before me friend pointed out, its just a rebound and he’s doing the same things because 1. he knows thats how to get a girl and 2. he’s trying to make her into the girl you were, trying to relive the good parts of the relationship. And reading all of this really made me realize things, i thought because me and her were so different it couldn’t be a rebound because this time he had found a girl who was different and good for him but then i realized it is just a distraction he’s never gone longer than few months without a girlfriend so he always needs someone there to fill the void and it doesn’t mean she’s different/amazing/way better than me.

marnelli

Omg yes. Im going through the same thing. He is recreating the things we have shared before. Its weird. Dont worry it just means we made them the happiest that theyre trying to copy it with the new girl

Jaclyn

Reading your comment helped as much as the article. I am going through the same thing right now with my ex. He is taking the new girl on all the same dates just in a shorter time span. Seems so crazy to everyone we know but your friends advice sounds pretty legit.

Jennifer

I can truly say that your statement about tying his actions to your value, the white horse and being the one who got away has really begun to transform my thinking. I lost myself in my relationship and catered to his every need always before myself. Your site is a daily inspiration for me and has helped me from falling completely apart. I came home to a note on the table after 12 years and the day before he was telling me he loved me. The emotional abuse I felt was devastating and I never want to feel that again. Thank you for being such a strong role model and helping me to see my value and begun to love myself and put me first. I haven’t seen or spoken to him in 30 days and am letting my actions speak for me. It isn’t easy but each day I gain strength and re read your posts.

You go girl. You had the strength all along; you are more beautiful, strong and resilient than you even know. Thank you for being a part of this tribe and for allowing me to feel less alone in my experiences, pain and emotions. Keep doing what you’re doing. You can never go wrong with having your own back! All my love to you soul sister XOXO 🙂

Roberta

OMG!!! I am so in love with these blogs and posts!! I have experience this with a guy that I’ve dated and could not for the life of me understood how he could jump into a relationship so quickly without ending the relationship. It is true about the family not knowing because his mom didn’t even know he was seeing someone else. This is so close to home for me. He is now engaged to someone else and I felt a little down about it because everything just happened so fast. This moment just gives me an opportunity to work on myself and my goals and to better myself. Thank you so much for these posts!! They are soo inspiring Through these blogs I have now gain a sense of things that I couldn’t really understand. I feel like I’m talking to my best friend over a wonderful cup of coffee!! . I am an official subscriber!! Yayy!!!

Louise

This post and others of yours have really helped as i deal with the break up of a 4 year relationship 4 months ago… And the girl he was messaging within days is now the girl he’s seeing. One day at a time! Getting stronger on my own so my next relationship is a healthy one!! Thanks Natasha for your amazingly insightful spot-on posts xx

J

Can I please keep you in my shirt pocket to whisper me sage advice? My ex of 6 years moved on less than a week after our break up to the girl he had cheated with and I was doing/thinking/feeling everything you described. Sometimes I think you’re a mind reader and then I started to realize that more so those without empathy are predictable. How boringly basic. I literally laughed out loud when you outlined the traits of a rebound and checked off each and every one. I have to see my ex in a few days for an obligation we both committed to before our break up and this blog post eased my heart for that moment and for the future. <3

Karen

I have read TONS on rebound relationships…and I am continually convinced he’s in one. He showed up at a club I was at after we had split and not had contact in a week..seen me dancing with another guy..then a few days later, he’s made it known on his social media that he’s back with someone he dated way before meeting me…”I am so glad I found you…right person…right time” Only thing is…she’s my manager…granted I knew all along they were friends and kept in contact. After finding this out, I blocked him in every way possible. F**K it hurts for sure..and I do not want him back…he didn’t treat me very well…I know he hasn’t changed…but UGH he really pushed the pain button in me…thanks for this…

Annie

My ex moved on within two weeks after telling me he didn’t have enough time in his life for a relationship. He claims he wasn’t cheating but I don’t know what to believe. He texted to tell me he’s in a new relationship. He says now he just wants to get married and have a family – he knew that’s what I wanted. So I can’t keep comparing myself to this new woman and dreading the announcement of the inevitable engagement. Your article is so helpful – I read it most days as I find reading and actually believing it takes time. Huge thanks

Henni

That feels so good to read! My ex of three years dumped me 4 months ago completely out of the blue two days after his grandma died. I really loved him and i genuinely thought he was as happy as i was. We had just came back from our first big vacation together and we already knew where to go next year.. It was such a shock for me, i could barely cope and fuction in any ways possible. I begged and cried and begged even more. But because of the f**ktard he showed to be after our breakup, he came over and we had sex multiple times. It all seemed like it was going to be better and we still had a chance! He told me about this bisexual girl his brother (!!) dumped a few weeks ago and how nice she was. Yep, now that’s the girl he’s dating! That’s so unbelivable, even my close friends thougt i was making a bad joke. They became a couple just two weeks after we have met the last time and he held my hand while shopping. It’s such a shock for me as it all seems so weird and confusing. I cut off all contact and i deleted him from every social media – i am not able to stalk because it simply hurts too fucking much. Of course, he makes his new girl known on every picture on instagram and they seem super-duper happy. I really love this man, i still do. Even though I don’t even want him back because of how he acted after the breakup! But seeing this, i think the chances of being a rebound aren’t too low! Thank you so much for this blog!

Thanks Henni! I’m so happy it helped 🙂 You’re doing the right thing and I agree. Thank you for your love, sisterhood & support! Hope to give you a big hug in person when I’m in Germany someday soon! xxxx

Lisa

Thank you for your post. This gave me lots of hope and was exactly what I needed. We were in a relationship for almost 10 years and he was my first boyfriend. Last year his father died and since then he dealt with depression and started a therapy. He broke up with me after I supported him in this period. Now I found out that he met someone just 1 month after the breakup. She is the total opposite of me and isn’t at all what he was looking for in a girl. He told me he didn’t want a long-distance relationship anymore (we moved in together after being apart for a long time) and when I told him that I wanted to do my Masters he said that he could not identify with someone who is studying again because he is working and wants a serious relationship. His new girlfriend just recently started studying (she is super young) and they live far away from each other. But I’m a bit confused because instead of bragging, he is hiding his new girlfriend and some of his close friends didn’t even know he was dating again. So I’m not quite sure what to think about it. And now almost 5 months passed since we broke up but he kept on messaging me but I tried to ignore him. So what to you think?

Rebecca

Hi Lisa! I hope you don’t mind me asking what happened here? It sounds exactly like my situation. We were so happy and he broke it off out of the blue and a week later was seeing a girl who lives far away, is much younger and is studying. He also tried to keep it secret too and some of his friends didn’t know but I found out. I don’t know what to think. Xx

Its been 5 weeks my ex and I broke up. And this article helped me in so many ways that I am so excited to get on with my life! You described his behavior to a T!! And when I get down on MYSELF, I find myself returning to this blog and makes me smile again. I smile again because I have taken myself out of the situation. He can enjoy his rebound and I pray everyday that he finds himself because he truly lost “the one”… haha

This brought tears to my eyes. Thank YOU Mo. I’m glad that this post served you. You are supported, backed, loved, believed in and never, ever alone. I’m honored to have played a small part in your healing and realizations. All my love to you. XOXO

Dee

Your blog has truly changed my life!! I just came across your blog and you are amazing!! I am dealing with a long distance breakup of 3.5 years. I have known him for 5 and just like that 3 months later he is already in a relationship with another girl and it hurts but after reading your blogs, I feel so enlightened. I am working on the reactivity piece (reacted to his new relationship by texting him) but going forward I am going to react like the “psycho” ex but the “girl who got away”! My ex is rushing his new relationship so he doesn’t have to explain being single or another failed relationship! You hit it right on the head!! Even if he gets married tomorrow, I know who he is at the core and no matter how much the new girl loves, supports, shows affection, etc., he is still the insecure narcissist who mistreated me. He is her deal now and I am FREE!!! I feel so much better. I am redirecting my focus on me!!!

R

Met up with my ex tonight, 5 weeks since the breakup. He left it open ended saying he may regret it some day, but isn’t fair to ask me to wait for him to find out. I finally had to ask if he was dating someone else. Turns out he met a girl 5 days after our breakup and has been seeing her since. I even called him out that it is a rebound and he said “I know”. But he still chose to see what happens with her instead of working on our relationship (which he also admitted putting zero effort into fixing). Thank you for this article! It is bookmarked, I know I’ll need this reminder.

CC

gita

Hi natasha.. I just broke up with a guy i’ve dated for 3 years. I really love him. I was sad that he broke up with me last month. A day after that he said he wanted to try it again with me and i said yes. I was very busy at that time doing my exam to get my MD degree. He was already done with his exam (we are at the same phase of catching degrees as MD) so i asked him for his understanding everytime he asked for more attention. After that time i said yes to get back with him he didnt even reply my message. So i thought we wanted me to finish my exam and then go back to him. 4 days after that i texted him saying i’m done with my exam and i wanted to meet him. I texted back right away and said he didnt want me back and he wanted me to go as far as i could from him. He said that he is so stressed out by me and dont want me back for any reason. I didnt texted back after that cuz i was in major pain and didnt know what to do. So i called my brother to get me to the next flight to his city and stay with him for a week.

2 weeks after he brokeup with me, i texted him saying that i am sorry for whatever it is that makes him broke up with me and i told him i will always love him. He texted back right away saying thank you and told me that he is in a relationship with someone new. And that hit me like nothing i can ever describe. I weigh me down cuz i have to see him again at campus for another 3 months of preparing for the last exam before really achieving our degrees as medical practioners. Minutes later my bestfriend who always have my back told me that he is with someone else now and his new girl is a girl from the same campus,same class so i have to see them together for 3 months to come and it started in a month. He followed my bestfriend instagram and changed his profile picture with his new girl when he knows my bestfriend will report back to me right away which she did.

I was surfing through google to find something to read to get me reach an understanding of whatever happen with my life right now and i found this writings and i just want to thank you for this. It pains me to my deepest soul knowing that i would be seeing them together everyday for 3 months. He posted so many pictures of them together as a couple and he hold her like he is very happy now. The girl also do the same.

But reading this, although it didnt erase my pain completely,at least it calms me, and make me feel less lonely and less sad. Thank you so much. U are amazing and very beautiful.

Caroline

Instantly feeling better after reading this. Literally going to read it every morning I get up until this pain goes away and I am no longer spending my time thinking about this relationsh*t!!! THANK YOU

Chloe

I’m soooo HAPPY I’ve found YOU!!! It’s like everything you say is exactly what’s in my head and you’re just confirming that I’m better than the current BS my ex has put me through! The desire for closure so I can let go and truly accept the reality that he’s a total empathy bankrupt douche bag STOPS now! And I’m PROUD to say regardless of the utter disrespect he shoved in my face with his immature and sharp tongue as he was removing his toxic self out my door, I’ve stayed on my white horse and haven’t contacted his sorry ass since and that was 3 weeks ago AND with a social media flaunt of his new ‘friend’ three days post break up… *vomits and hits block on all social media*. Thanks girl!!! You’re a gem! Xx

Alexis

My ex and I were together for 6 years. He was my first everything. We met when we were twelve years old and started dating very young at fourteen years old. We had a rollercoaster relationship all through junior high, high school, and a couple years into college. We broke up about six months ago at the end up September, but in December we rekindled for a minute but I could tell he was hiding something and he was very shady. We fought and stopped talking. I recently just started talking to his sister again who is my best friend and she has filled me in on what he’s been up to and all the lies he’s told. Only two weeks after our rekindling in December and only three months after our official breakup of 6 years, he took a new girl to Christmas to meet his family. It’s now the end of march and they are still together. She’s my opposite. I’m tall, relatively slim, blue eyes, dark hair, girly girl, 20 year old college student. She’s a very short, chubby, orange haired, homely, 17 year old high school student. I refuse to look on his social media to see them together but everyone talks about how he downgraded big time and they don’t understand. His family still prefers me. His sisters still always comment on my Facebook stuff and message me. I hangout with his sister/my best friend every weekend. His mom wants to go have a girls day soon and whenever I go over to their house when he’s not home his parents are overly excited to see me. Not feeling replaced in the family aspect helps me cope with the new reality, but I still can’t comprehend how he can move on like this. Especially with someone that is so extremely different than me. I have this page bookmarked on my phone and every time I feel sad or confused or lost I just reread this. I don’t know if he’s in a rebound or not. Evidence says yes but my heart wants to say I’m just that replaceable. I’m not even sure I so much want him back as I just want him to want me back. I want him to regret. And hurt. And beg. I know that’s not healthy. But it’s how I feel. I gave my all to him. And he threw me away and “moved on” like it was nothing. Some days I’m not this weak or hurt. But today I just feel extremely lost and sad.

Dee

thank you, i really needet to hear this. i found week ago that my ex is dating someone totally different from myself 3months after we end. and he was trying to be my friend too.but i have cut all the contact now after i found out. but what amazes me that he had to post date pics on his social media with this nobody for me too see… how much fun they have! it hurt me so bad i coudnt stop crying,i coudnt eat for days. I havent answer his messages anymore,then he stopt writing me,so iassumed he moved on and is happy with this new person. but this article is like my story, he was emotionaly unavelable… treated me like crap most of the time, at the beguining he was amazing but then all turned around i dont even know why, i dont understand why cuz i was so loving and good to him. My man thinks grass is somehow greener on the otherside. he even send me letter last month that he sees us going back together after we dated other people…WTF!? u sirious. i dont want any bitch leftovers after u had enough of other women. Imnot like that, i dont need to date bunch of strangers to make me feel good or know what I have front of me. thats just fucked up! I have red every singe page on google how to get ur ex back,i was doing that all days, so many weeks… i thoght i go insane. but i dont believe this person will change and the man I knew he was was probably just a lie or he is gone forever. it hurts so much and its very hard to accept it,cuz we supose to get married i use to be his queen… hes everything. How can person just go cold on u like this!? 🙁 But i love this article how straight and honest it is and all the F words 😉 damn it! <3 good luck to everyone whos in this situation!

jessica

is it possible for a man to just keep on rebounding? i dated my ex for a year and we got together 4 months after he separated from his wife… so clearly i was a rebound. and 2 weeks after our breakup, he’s already dating another girl who is more like his ex but nothing like me… could she be a rebound too? xo

Helena

Hi! Unfortunately I was the rebound. The guy I got into a “relationship” with, got out of a 3 year relationship, and started “dating” me two months after the break up. During the first week we were seeing each other, from the 2nd to the 4th week we were “bf and gf”. He was very “excited”, he chased me around to take pictures, he kept calling me every night (i know he wanted to because i was a new toy), introduced me to his friends, and made plans (of course not all of it went through since he chucked me). So on the third week when we were bf and gf, he was still very excited about me, and told more of his friends about me. During the third week, i saw that he looked at his ex’s facebook 4x (long story how I found out). I didn’t suspect anything at the time; i thought he was just curious but of course i was wrong. Towards the last week, I started to a sense a vibe and a distance, and he said he wanted to call it off cuz he couldn’t get over his ex (and he’s the one who dumped her). Like wtf right?

I just don’t understand how someone can be excited about this new person they’re dating, and somehow miss their ex simultaneously, and then lose feelings for the “rebound”.

So is it like it worked for the first bit of the relationship because it was new and exciting, but because the feelings were so strong for the ex, the feelings for me faded to numbness? So is it really due to just bad timing? Or is it that im not good enough for him, is that why it didn’t work out?

I understand that you can’t go thorough into detail, but hopefully you can provide just a couple sentences as to why/what the reasons were for this unsuccessful “relationship”.

Thank you so much for sharing. I completely understand what you’re going through.

I wish that I could elaborate further and answer your questions, but I have too much to say to type it all out (I can’t minimize my answer to a sentence or 2), not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give advice in the comments section.

Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog; it WILL get better.

I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested and would be happy to help further ? The link to it is on the homepage.

All my love to you.

You’re not alone xo

Anja

So with my ex he met a woman 3 weeks after the breakup (nearly 4 years of relationsh*t here).

It’s been 3 months now and did sadly text him after he text me some bullshit, that I know about everything and I want him to stop contacting me (called him a few names too as I couldn’t resist). Is that very bad? Didn’t want him texting me any nice things and wanted him to know I know.

He’s now all blocked everywhere and I’m thankful for your blog, day by day it’s getting better.

Kris

This is amazing. Reading this I stopped crying first time in weeks. Long story short after living together for a year we broke up on the jul 11 he went to the music fest on the 23 met a girl who is completely opposite of me next day 2 of them got engaged after 1 night, it’s all over Facebook and everywhere. All of his friends could I have the communications with him I don’t know the reason why. Now he is it completely 180 turn around he quit smoking become a vegetarian and Festival hippie just like her according to his Facebook . I don’t even know how to deal with this….

Christine

I can figure out what type of relationship hes in. We broke up 7 months ago and it has treated me like shit! He has been on many dates and hangs out with his ex who he got back together with in april and it didnt work out. He denies this. He has now been seeing another girl for the past 9 weeks, and says hes happy with her and they are taking things slow and when they tried to have sex, he couldnt even get it up! Why he told me this, i have no idea!! He told my friend a month ago that he only sees her as a friend even though they connect. I have been a competely different person! I am nasty to him about her and i hate it. I have become jealous, depressed and lost all my self-respect and esteem. Im an empath and i hate that he has been on and im still struggling. Why do i continue to bother with the D**khead is beyond me. I believe he is a narcissit from his behaviour throughout our relationship and i have done extensive research. What do i do to forget him? i deleted his number but still find excuses to text or call. its like he has this weird magnet.

Ao

Natasha Ive been rereading several of your articles. This one and is he is better with her, especially. My question, i was dating a much younger inexperienced man with datin women. So really Im the first “serious “ relationship. I believe i was understsnding and more patient due to this because of the lack of experience. We been together 2 years off and on (mostly on) always him breaking up, me reaching out, him coming back. Last xmas after 3 months of odd behavior I caught him cheating with someone he worked with closer to his age. Innocent, naive, plain jane, complete opposite of me. I was completely and utterly shocked. Me and her spoke one on one and he was fooling us both. He blocked me on all contact sites(social media, phone) and then proceeded to apologize to her and she went back a few days later. That lasted 5 weeks with me out ofnthe picture, before her dropped her one night and appeared late at night at my doorstep begging for my forgiveness. Well, foolishly i gave him the benefit of the doubt and we made amends. Second time around he was a much better bf but still from time to time felt “confused”. He didn’t know if it was healthy to keep hopping back and forth. I told him of he left that was it between us. He stayed several months more. 6 months in, he broke up with me with all the typical excuses and i asked “who is she!” And he replied I always make it about other women but hes made it aboutnorherbwomen at this point, and felt disrespected for not believing him. Ended bad. He left. A week later he reached out, we spent 3 nights together before i found out he left my keys behind to my place. He grew cold the next couple days and said awful things, then two days later asked to see me and apologize. I told him this is the perfect opportunity to take a break from women and get his shit together. Fast-forward two more weeks and I reach out to the girl he cheated on me with and she said he has asked to try and be friends with her again. I confronted him about it and he didn’t think there was anything wrong since he broke up with me to try and date her again . I find it very distasteful after what he put me through in the prior months and said she meant nothing to him and I’m the one he wanted to be with . Fast forward a couple more weeks and she went back to him even after me and her had spoken a second time and how he left and now he will leave her again too I assume. He has not blocked me or unfollowed me on social media . I don’t know if she was ever the rebound girl the first time and if he’s rebounding again with the same rebound girl ? He’s moved very quickly with her the first time and apparently the second time bringing her around his family again. They still work together . She replied to me she wishes me the best and hope i make the right decisions for myself but obviously has not applied the same for her , as she is now proceeding to date my ex-boyfriend again. Three months of her last spring and he dumped her for me, 2 years of us . He just thinks he can bounce back-and-forth to us whenever his feelings change I guess . Is she a rebound? everyone says he’s going to come back and dump her again but I just don’t now and I’m in a lot of pain for second time after I feel like he completely betrayed my trust again …. would love to hear your words of wisdom to get me through this . he spent the holidays with her last year, i made a gift for him to give his mom and he gave it to her, spent New Year’s eve with her and ditched me all the while I didn’t know any of this for months to come. so I’m still rehashing those old wounds on top of him breaking up with me this recent time (7 weeks ago, last contact 3 weeks ago) and the holidays are here again and it just sucks that I’m alone and he gets to be with her and be the good boyfriend to her AGAIN during the holidays. Please help Natasha I would love some really good advice !!

Farah

This amazing post bring me back to my not-so-old memories. I should read this at my early days of “almost relationship break up”. But reading it now, I could just smile and nod my head few times. The signs you’ve listed is mostly checked. It makes me think that perhaps I’m also one of his rebound list or he only consider me for his own benefit since at that time he just moved in to this country. Or maybe dating one girl after another is just some sort of sport/hobby to him since he’s so obsessed trying to pursue someone/something that’s hard to get. And I noticed, the moment I drop the L bomb, that’s when all of his effort slowly fading. I remember how much it bothers me when he refused to post a single photo of me on his Instagram reasoning he’ll only do that once we’re official, but with his new gf, who happens to be a Miss Beauty Pageant,he posts every single thing about her since day one he started courting that beauty. Looking back, I should be more grateful because he just proved how his words contradict with his actions. At this moment, I just regard him as one of my life experience. The ending of him is my beginning of something new. I probably should thank him because of the way he abruptly end things between us without proper closure had lead me to your blog that taught me so many things. I became wiser than I was months before. I no longer let my emotions to cloud my judgement. It prepares me for my future relationship to always have my red flag detector stay ON in my pocket wherever I will be. So once again, thank you so much for giving me the brand new perspective. Take a good care of yourself soul sis! XOXO

Kathy

Thanks so much for this post. Yep there they were ‘in a relationship’ on facebook, just a month or so after breaking up; and she is not an upgrade. What really did enrage me was her posting ‘such a fabulous man’ and one of her friends saying ‘so happy for you’. Oh yeah wonder if she will saying such a fabulous man when he blows hot and cold cheats, stonewalls, runs away and jumps online dating without telling her because things didn’t go his way blames shifts; just some of the dysfunctional , abusive and disrespectful stuff he dished out. What is chain yanking??? I don’t think I am even a blip on his radar but it is really surprising for him to post that stuff on facebook as he has never done that before in our on and off 4.5 year relationsh*t. Got a lot of work to do on myself but have stayed on my Whitehorse, no contact and not reacting. Its. finished. for me. I broke the pattern. It hurts. Heaps…but so happy I found this blog. You are the BEST ever Natasha!!! Thank you!!

Martha

Wooow, this is exactly what I am going through! I thought I have moved on, putting my life back together when I came across their picture. I had been devastated, but then came to the exactly same conclusions you described – he has not changed and will never change for NOONE. I ignore this asshole, I blocked him on instagram, limited his access to my Facebook profile and I see how much he would like to know how I am doing (we wok together) but has no source of information. The blog is great, exactly what I need right now! Thank you, Natasha! And you are a beautiful woman!

AO

What if shes the girl he rebounded the first time with when I caught him cheating and he dumped me for her, then dumped her for me? Is it possible to rebound back to the same girl?! We have 2 years together, they have now 2 months alone without me intruding. Im so confused if shes a rebound or the real thing???

Britney

I think I must have read this article when dude first broke up with me because I have started to refer to him as f*cktard w/out knowing where I picked the term up from. Haha I love it, it’s such a fitting term! My ex was never a douche to me, rather he was a very nice and respectful Christian man, he talked about wanting a life together and all the major things, even talked me into moving to a new city for him. Then without warning he broke up with me as soon as I rented a place and accepted employment, I was literally stuck in the new city completely heart broken over a man that broke up with me over text because he didn’t have the guts to break up in person. F*cktard! He blamed it on needing time to focus on his own life for a bit and wrap up his dovroce (should have been a red flag but he was very convincing in the beginning that he was totally over that relationship) well, 3 weeks after finally telling me in person (because I showed up to his house demanding answers – which now realize totally fed his ego) that he lost interest in me, he was in a new relationship posting pics all over FB of same places he took me and changed relationship status with a lot of I love yous exchanged and meeting family just like he did with me…F*cktard! This article helps reassure that whether they get married tomorrow or break up, he is still the same broken man he was when he broke up with me without warning because he was so emotionally wrecked over his 2nd divorce. I am starting to hold my head high and being thankful that I won’t be part of his 3rd divorce! Obviously still have work to do if I’m reading this article but I can’t wait for the day I wake up without thinking of f*cktard. Thanks for the great article!!

Amanda

My ex broke up with me and 1-2 weeks later jumped right back into a relationship with the girl i call the “rebound” from earlier this year. Its been about 2.5 mths now and he reached out last week and asked to speak with me in person. He said he was sorry for everything, that he loves me and didnt know why it was so hard for him to say the entire 2 years together. I asked if his gf knew he was eating lunch with me and he said no…he didnt ask for me back, but said he doesn’t know what to do now cuz he will be the bad guy again if he breaks up with her. I told him to be alone then! After a couple hours talking, he hugged me goodbye and said i love you again! Talk about a mind f*ck??? I dont know what he’s trying to do…

Cate

This post has helped me so much to realise that his new relationship isn’t about me, nothing of it ever was about me. And it got me out of the compare me, amazing! I feel so much stronger everytime I read this or anything else on the blog, thank you Natasha!

Mads

If someone doesn’t believe Natasha yet, here comes the proof that she knows what she is saying :). Fu*ktards will always be fu*ktards, and those motherf**ers never change. I broke up with my boyfriend, and although I knew it was a good thing I had been completely devastated when I found out that one month after me he had someone new although he was telling me we should break up beacuse he was NOT ready. I was coming to the blog, reading this post 2-3 times a day. I was getting better, but still couldn’t understand why? They seemed so happy, doing things I always wanted. But yet this girl looked like everything he was always telling me he didn’t like in a woman, and I was so confused. I felt like nothing he had ever so was true.

But soon enough I found out from a common friend that he went to a party with his buddy, the girl was obviously not with him – so typical for him, going out with his buddy only, and then adding new chicks on Facebook. I felt a bit glad knowing that probably the flame is not so serious, but at the same time I also felt a bit sorry for that girls. Recently, we have had a Christmas Party at work (we work together). He came without the girl, and was flirting with some other chick! I felt sincerely sorry for his girlfriend, and so HAPPY that this di*khead is not my problem anymore. This fu*ktard hasn’t changed a single bit, he was not taking me anywhere – now he is not taking her. He treated me like a crap, and he is probably treating her the same way. No matter what bullshit he posts on the Internet and how happy they seem I can bet she is crying every fu*king day like I used to.

After some time since the break up, I can proudly anounce that I am finally my old self again – I again like shopping, and I shave again 🙂 I took my time to get myself back, but also to invest in myself and beacome a better, more self-developed person. I enrolled for mindulness course, I started a CBT which I have been advised to take since a long time, I support charity, I read a lot, and finally I am going to learn how to ski, which has always been my dream! I took my time to recover but most importantly to GROW. I am glad for the relationshit because it pushed me to change. But like really change, and to do things I was afraid to do before. I was not jumping from one guy to another beacuse I didn’t want to hurt anyone not being ready. Now finally, I know that when I meet a nice guy, I will be ready to fully commit into a serious relationship not some bullsh*t half-time relationshit. It is sad to see that for my ex there is no help, but luckily it is not my problem anymore! Girls, don’t waist your time on assholes who don’t even know half the pain you are going through. All this suffering will be gone with time, but really your time is too precious! Take it as a lesson and move on. Sorry for a long comment, but maybe it will help someone.

Natasha, this is an amazing blog giving hope and helping getting better. I send you lots of love! All the best in the New Year!

There is nothing I could write that would even come close to expressing my gratitude, appreciation and love for you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing and for being a part of this tribe. Thank you for being an inspiration. Thank you for allowing so many other people to feel less alone. Thank you for being the light that you are (and deciding to get rid of the light dimmers). You are incredible.

All my love to you soul sis. Happy New Year to you too! PS- you will love skiing 🙂 It’s my favorite escape. xx

Angela

Thanks for the amazing blog you posted. It had helped me tremendously. I broke up with my ex about a month ago because of constant arguments and fighting and we been together for over a year, he loves me more while we are in the relationship. I was very much in pain from the break up even though I am the one broke it off. I initiated NC pretty much last time we spoke which is about a month ago . I tried and took my time to cope with the break up by go to the gym, workout, spend time with friends/ family and plan vacation, which i just came back yesterday…while I thought i was doing well, I find out that he started talking to this new girl that’s completely different from me pretty much 1 week after our break up, so now i am heartbroken and i can’t stop thinking about it….It’s not sth he would do and I am devastated at this point. He post pictures on Instagram with her like right away pretty much after 3 weeks after our break up…. he seems happy….. I can’t believe my eyes and it instantly made my stomach sick and almost vomited in a way because that girl is NOT good looking at all, she is not even the type he would usually go for… I mean i have guys that asked me out too, but i know i am not emotionally ready to start anything substantial. So my question is how is it emotionally possible for a man to jump into relationship so quick and does out relationship meant anything to him? Why he doesn’t admit that he is in a rebound? I am just overwhelm with mix emotions and sadness. Natasha, What should I do?

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’m happy that the post helped!

I wish that I could answer more but I have too much to say to type it all out, not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give direct advise in the comments section.

Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding.

I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested and would be happy to help you further ? The link to it is on the homepage.

All my love to you sister.

You are not alone xo

April

Its ? % a rebound. He’s not ready to face the break up pain and doesn’t matter what she looks like, or how sweet she is. Eventually he will dump her or vice versa cuz he’s not emotionally ready as much as he thinks he is…

Andra

What are your thoughts on an indecisive guy that fell in love with an amazing girl, that each time he came close to losing her, he then stepped it up over a period of 3-4 years? He and I met my senior year of college and were the first boyfriend/girlfriend that we each introduced our parents to. There was nothing but beautiful and strong love. But long distance became the nail in the coffin and made many things difficult. The first time we broke up because he said he was”not happy”, and then I find out a few months later that he’s hooking up with his homie from college (a friend with benefit–who REALLY wanted him, but he didn’t want to date her at the time). Their relationship was basically this: they were close friends, but everytime he started talking to a new girl, he would ditch the homie; the homie would get pissed at him; when he was done talking to the new girl, he would go back to the homie and they would start hooking up again UNTIL he met the one girl who he fell in love with and told him to cut that shit out (me). He didn’t speak to the homie for a year while we dated, but they reconnected as friends after he and I broke up because of the distance (surprising right?). When he told me he was having sex with her, he cried and said “I’m still not happy and I don’t want to lose you, you’re the girl I want to marry”. He called me everyday after that deep conversation and tried to keep me in his life. A month later, I decide to cut him off for some bullshit he pulled. We didn’t speak for a good three months and during that time, he went back to the homie, and the homie did everything she could to make their “whatever” look like a relationship. She posted an old picture of them….and little behold that picture came down a few weeks later. He immediately reconnected with me and we did the distance again for another year but this time he was more supportive, caring, and made many efforts to visit. Once the distance stopped being a problem, he decides that he wants to quit our relationship for STUPID reasons. He started acting emotionally unavailable and would do things I hate like be on his phone at dinner. The breakup was somewhat mutual because I had doubts as well, but we were mature about it. We last kissed at the airport and said goodbye. I haven’t seen him in 4 months, and we last spoke 2 months ago. I found out that he’s hanging with the homie again….I can’t help but think she’s his end goal versus just his “comfort”. What do you think? Can he be over me if he literally jumped back into the past to something that wasn’t built on love? It really hurts to see that even though distance is not a problem anymore, he is hanging out with the homie and hasn’t made an effort to speak to me. It makes it feel like the past few years of my life with him were a lie. We wanted to get married, have kids, but he opted out. He’s indecisive about many things. Although my relationship with him may be considered damage beyond repair, I am almost embarrassed to say how much love I still have for him, and that I really think it could work. But he doesn’t want to try. I am doing my best to focus on building my best self again but I can’t stop thinking about it. Please let me know what you think in regards to his relationship with the homie, where he stands with me, and if you think he will reconnect with me. Each time, he was always the one that came back to me because it was his fault if we weren’t speaking. This time, I’m not sure he even wants to speak to me let alone want me in his life. Was it really that easy for him to just end everything we’ve been through like that?

I wish that I could answer but I have too much to say to type it all out, not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give direct advice in the comments section.

Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding.

I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested and would be happy to help you further ? The link to it is on the homepage.

All my love to you sister.

You are not alone xo

Erika

I got broken up with about 3 1/2 months ago. 7 year relationship, we’ve been through alot. Alot of firsts for everything, we had a rocky patch where he became a f*cktard and dated other people, being a general bag of dicks. And the most surprisng part is that he really did change. Never had to worry about him talking to other people again. Well he tells me he doesn’t love me anymore and wants to work on himself and his career/future, how he lost himself and all that. We still talked and had sex for about a month after the breakup. So far I’ve found out that he spent a sh*t ton of money on a new console, a new tv, several new video games. He was supposed to be getting his own car. Still don’t know if he has. He had plenty of time to maybe pick up a class at the community college we live by, nope decided AGAIN to push it to the summer. I know I f*cked up, lost myself to depression, kept taking and taking from him without giving. I was a mess. So he’s still incredibly hurt and has alot of resentment towards me with things I know that aren’t true. He’s now talking with this girl and has been spending every day with her this past week. I can smell the rebound from miles away. He says (not to me, a friend of mine) that he’s never felt more connected to someone and blah blah. I’m sitting here laughing. Poor girl has no idea what’s in store for her with him. He’s emotional, arrogant, can’t take criticism, stubborn and prone to anger (just yelling and raising his voice, he’d never hurt anyone) BUT at the same time I know he’s very tender hearted and incredibly lonely. He really is not that bad, but I know I am the only one that can handle his crazy @ss. Because being out of my depression made me see how badly I treated him and how I know that’s not me. I’m not even hurt, honestly I get this amazing satisfaction with being absolutely right on everything he’s thinking and feeling. Like I always have for 7 years. I’m not looking for a relationship because I want to work on myself, hang with friends etc. So if he’s realized how I really will be the only one that understands him and loves him with all my heart before I’m ready to enter a relationship then he’ll have to sit through my “I told you so” before I take him back hahaha.

Nat

Thank you for always giving us courage to keep going and move on even if we still love them. My ex and I broke up 2 months ago and I left the country to be with my family and loved ones but all my belongings are still at our old apartment. To make this short, I have to go back in two weeks and I am scared of the outcome because I think he will try to convince me to stay or maybe just even hook up but our relationship got so bad that there is no respect towards me anymore and I don’t want all the time I’ve spent working on myself and trying to heal to go to waste when I see him. If you have any advice it would be of great help because even though I know we can’t be together, part of me still feels something and I don’t know how he will act when he sees me.

I wish that I could answer but I have too much to say to type it all out, not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give direct advice in the comments section. I will try to write a post relating to your situation soon.

Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding.

I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested and would be happy to help you further ? The link to it is on the homepage.

All my love to you sister.

You are not alone xo

Sabrina

This blog post was a god sent! as I recently had a mutual break up with my ex of 2 years and then found out through social media (go figure) that he had moved on almost immediately… As this was my first real relationship I was very hurt and confused that he could be that cold to move on so quickly. Making me doubt my self worth and feel even shittier than before. It made me so angry that I called him out for moving on so quickly publicly shaming him which was a learning experience that I learned the hard way… As he made me out to be that I was crazy and lying when I was right all a long eventually…. Now I know that the best way to get back at an ex during their “rub it in your face rebound moment” is to just do nothing and be the bigger person and let karma do all the hard work 🙂 This post really lifted my spirits on not feeling alone and really having another woman’s perspective almost identical to what I was/am going though. Thank you so much for sharing this, I have bookmarked this to refer back to if I am ever feeling crap during this healing period.

Hi Sabrina! I am so happy and honored to have helped. I’ve definitely been there before. You are loved, understood, supported, believed in, backed, and never alone. Thank you for being a part of this tribe; thank you for your love, support, and for just being YOU. All my love to you soul sister. xx

Natasha

I so needed to see this post. I am not exactly the ex, but a girl he was chatting up right after breaking off a multi year relationship. I kept asking him if he was sure he was ready to date and he kept saying yes. Told his family about us, wanted to meet mine. I admittedly fell too hard too fast and told him. Did the clingy girl thing and he inevitably told me he didn’t want anything serious at the moment. (thankfully I had not slept with him) Fine. Go work on yourself and be single for awhile is what I thought, even as heartbreaking as that was for me. Few days ago I got the digital version of a GUT punch when another girl tagged him on social media and how in love they are. This was a few posts with selfies of them together. All her friends congratulating them and saying what a cute couple they make. A few other friends have told me privately that they think he’s just playing the field and this girl jumped the gun. Still, what I’m struggling with is how he could allow this knowing FULL well that I’d see it. How can someone just hurt another like that? Have total disregard for someone else’s feelings? I thought this person was my friend and at least cared about me a little bit. I’m trying not to make it about me (we’re not in a relationship or even dating at this point so he doesn’t owe me anything) and accept that he’s showing me who he really is with this. That same friend said when he’s done with her he’ll come back to me. (he would always comment on my social media so it was obvious he liked me) Why would I even entertain him as a friend let alone anything else? Can you forgive someone who’s so reckless with your feelings like that? I am living my life and not reacting in any way, but it’s driving me nuts! If anyone has suggestions on how to handle this I would greatly appreciate it.

I wish that I could answer but I have too much to say to type it all out, not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give direct advice in the comments section.

Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding. Other readers are here to support and I am going to be starting a secret Facebook group soon 🙂

I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested and would be happy to help you further. The link to it is on the homepage.

Natasha, you just get me. My ex and I were together for four years and had a very deep and well-seasoned relationship. Trips, birthdays, holidays, etc. with my three children and I (I’m divorced). The last leg of 2017, I could see the end was near by his checked out attitude, irritability towards me for no reason and lack of affection… good Lord, the man didn’t even want to sit by me half the time. He left me on New Years Eve. Reasoning: he was checked out, doesn’t know what he wants, my insecurity was an issue (He made me insecure. That ass.) and he lost his connection with me. It’s been seven weeks since he left me and wouldn’t you know, he’s already in a rebound with a 21 year old who’s in college and works at a convenience store. Wow, he picked a winner. I don’t know if I should be insulted or laugh and call him a dumbass. We were such a power couple and his family was certain he would marry me. He’s almost 30 and I’m 35 and we both have great careers, so this makes no damn sense to me. Can we say “sex, please”, because I’m sure that’s all it is with this girl. She can offer him nothing but a discount on gas and maybe some stale donuts leftover from the day. He has no idea I’m aware of his new fling. Mutual friends are great, right? We both attend the same gym. He’s in management there and I workout there. Tonight I happened to see him walking her outside after she finished her workout. I had no idea she went there. So something leads me to believe he was eyeballing her and developed an attraction for her. I’m pissed at how he could just fritter away four years with my children and I and rebound so quickly. And that’s what ultimately makes me feel like shit. God forbid he take this time to figure out what he wants, grieve and heal. Was there an apology to my children and I? Nope. Anyways, enough venting. I’ve cried enough but I have my moments. He’ll come to his senses when his playtime falls apart in a few months. And I hope it does. Because if he doesn’t come back to me, then I’d prefer him to be with someone who is mature and experienced. Not this girl who just transitioned from being a teenager. Do I miss him? Yep. Do I still love him? Yep. Would I take him back? Yep, but there’d have to be some serious changes. That sounds mad, I’m sure, but only I know what we had—all five of us. But until then, whatever happens, I’ll continue to work on me and be the best possible version he’ll see when I step foot in that gym. Fitted yoga pants and all. No more squeezing this booty, which he loved and couldn’t keep his hands off of. That’s the best revenge/torture and I don’t mind it at all.

P.S. I see a pattern here on nearly all these ladies’ posts. Their exes rebound with someone completely different from them. Ha! My ex did the same. I’m half Hispanic with dark brown hair and eyes. That’s what he loves! This college girl has dirty-blonde dyed hair and blue eyes. What’s this ‘difference’ pattern all about?

I’m so happy that the posts have helped 🙂 Thank you fo much for sharing and for being a part o this tribe. Keep having your own back and doing what is best for you and your family. Wish I had the time to write more. Sending you big love Krisypooh. XOX

Lynn

Krissypooh! Girl! I hope you are doing okay. I am going down this same road and it is very raw still. You want to know what’s funny? My ex bought his rebound a horse. From what I understand, she’s never ridden. He and I would go riding/camping all the time. She is my polar opposite. I hear she is a very nice person and I sort of feel for her because she’s so excited about this. But, he is trying to turn her into me. Baahaahaa! He’s having to babysit her while they ride and a mutual friend said she is terrified of riding. Have fun with that! I hope you’ve reconsidered taking your ex back. I will never take mine back. Heck, the sheets didn’t have time to get cold. My ex made everything my fault, his actions and inactions, he said, were reactions to me staying at my own home during the week. He said I pushed him away. (3 years of neglecting my home to work on his began to wear on me) I can understand everything you said you were going through and I hope you have been able to move on and get free of the chains. This article has helped me more than I can put into words.

Jessy

I know this article is couple years old, but it helped me to calm down. I met my ex on my previous job, I did not know back then that he had broken up with another girl he been with for more than two years (they lived together). Everything was perfect in the beginning, but he was seriously ill, the reason of the break-up with another girl was that she couldn’t handle the stress with his health and they started to have problems. Eventually she was going out with someone else when they were on a ”break” or this is how he wanted to portray it. Later his friend told me that the girl wanted to support him, but he just couldn’t stop picking on every little thing about her. This started with me too, silent treatment, being rude, careless, then again sweet and kind.. total rollercoaster, but I excused him with his health problems, I stood by him all his treartment that lasted for a year! During this time I suggested that we should buy an apartment. I looked for a long time, every day, every hour and I finally found something perfect- just a walk away his job. As I started to move into same city with him I ended my work, so mortgage was made on his name (so stupid of me- I know). I decorated and did everything there, everyone in my family helped- even with money! The second the apartment was pretty much ready he throw me out.. we spent about couple months apart and then tried again. This time another problems arised but I again stood still and strong.. and out of the blue he tells me that he do not want to live with me.. I was so heart broken- this time I would not forgive. God, it was so hard to move out once again, I miss every corner of our home and him.. after break-up he started to pursue me again, promising me sun and stars, but I couldn’t trust him but all he did was talk or text, no real action. Even promised my family that he would marry me.. but I saw no real ring or him behind my door. 7 days after he sent me long text about how he will love me till death – another girl (10 years younger, no education,totally different than me) posted a picture in the apartment. It was about 1,5 months after our break-up and I heard from mutual friend that they already live together there after dating only 3 months.. they spend every weekend there, he never did that with me. I feel so used.. he been apologizing but at the same time changes his story a little by little- now it turns out he never loved me.. All I know now is that this is the fourth woman in a row that he been living with, between every break-up there been max 2 months period when his in a new relationship.. I mean I’m the longest by far he been with (little over 3 years).. but mostly all his relationships lasts for 2 years. I do not know is it a rebound and I’ve heard some stories about this girl that she only looks what the guy got (especially good car- and this is something he sure got). I met him with basically nothing.. I feel very betrayed.. and I compare myself alot with her.. but.. maybe it really got nothing to do with me and I feel I can’t speak to anyone about this. Hope it’s not too long, but I definitely revealed myself a little (sry for english,not native). Stay strong girls 🙂

Victor

I am a gay guy, 38, and I broke up with a bf four months ago. We dated for a year and eight months. I have come back to read this post on rebound at least 10 times, as my ex bf found a new bf within the first month of our break up. This blog gives me clarity every single time I come back to read it again and again and again. I also have read every single post you have written on break ups. You are very insightful, funny, and awesome! Keep up the good work, I am also a yogi, and I appreciate you so much that you are also a yogi. Namaste!

Laura

I needed to jot down a comment and thank you. My ex ended (again) our longterm relationship in January and it’s been so painful for me; everything has been uprooted. I’ve been having tremendous difficulty the last month & a half especially, coming to terms with his fuckboy-ness, seeing him post pics being with this blonde 12 years younger than him, out getting hammered, her in his hoodie from last night, etc. I’ve been in bed (literally) all weekend, my spirit just eviscerated from my body. It’s so painful and tiresome, and abruptly I googled “breakup ex flaunting new girl” and found your article. You touched on so many insecurities and thoughts in my head in this article, I’m so incredibly fortunate I found it. Im an intelligent woman but amazed by how elementary my brain has been while enduring this shit & processing the fallout. Thank you for this article. I hope to keep referring to it for strength and reassurance in growing from this chain-yanking that’s lasted over 10 years. I simply cannot do this to myself anymore. <3

Elicia

Renegade

I’ll save the link to this article. It describes my feelings to a “t”. Dated this guy for a short time (but the hurt is not less), he was talking about the future, about what a good match we were, etc… Broke up with me by text because “we were not compatible” and the day after he starts dating another woman, who I later found out was already kept on the side. And now he is Prince Charming with her. Mind you we are in our forties. Your article is reassuring because looking at it from the outside you would think that the guy has changed overnight.

M

Hi Natasha, thank you for your blog I’ve been reading for over a year now and its helped me so much! I am 100% sure my ex is in a rebound relationship as it had definitely started as we were ending and moved incredibly quickly eg. social media, family holidays not even 2 months after we ended. Obviously I was upset at this time (January this year) but for the past 5 months I’ve just been focused on myself, my education, health, friends etc and feel so much better than I ever have with him. I also was very nearly 6 months without contact (him blocked on social media as well) then 2 nights ago he drunk called me multiple times and though I didn’t answe,r he texted saying sorry in the morning and I ended up replying, bluntly but still. I’d left it hours saying I wasn’t going to reply and then I did, anyway he ended up getting angry and saying he was happier with her than he ever was with me and that I was immature for ignoring him. I’m (slightly) panicking that I’ve ruined 6 months of good work from me (even though really I know I haven’t). Tbh if anything this has stopped those little blips you have where you think “but wait maybe he was the one and I lost him” because lets face it, the way he’s treated me now/in the past has proved he definitely isn’t. Anyway some more background, he has been talking about me to mutual friends A LOT, and some of them I am pretty sure he didn’t think I would end up finding out about, even saying he thought about me all the time and missed me etc whilst being with this new girl. I’ve only realised afterwards that I think I’ve annoyed his new girlfriend a few years ago by dating someone she had been with before. I know I shouldn’t make this all about me but it seems at least partly vengeful from both of them. Obviously I don’t want him in my life anymore and I am just worried that by answering his texts yesterday I’ve given him attention so he’ll carry on, think he’s “won” and it’ll start drama with his new girlfriend. Sorry for long message I understand if you can’t reply. Thanks, M x

Thank you so much for your love, support, and for being a part of this tribe 🤗💕

I wish that I had the time to answer in depth, but I don’t think you ruined it or did anything wrong/irreparably damaging. Just disengage now and stick to it. He’s clearly still invested and is giving you the gift of validating that you indeed dodged a bullet. xx

Nicky

What a great post and just what I needed to hear today! My f*cktard did the whole start another relationship before fully ending the first one. He then was asking me to come up to see him and let’s work things out etc. and by an absolute stroke of grace I found out the day I was supposed to go up there when he said he wanted me to stay the night (which I didn’t plan on staying over) that he had gotten with a new girl and proposed to her within 2 weeks with the ring he bought me 🤗 from a friend who’s husband works with said new girl. He then proceeded to tell me he was going to tell me that night but he wanted to tell me in person yea um ok. Even if that were true which I don’t believe for a second he lives an 1 and a half from me so you were gonna tell me then let me drive home upset over an hour away yea homie not better. He then proceeded to tell me that he only told me to stay the night so I wouldn’t feel like he was pushing me away (um if you have a fiancé isn’t that precisely what you are supposed to do?!?) and who invites someone over to their house to tell them their engaged instead of meeting for coffee or somewhere on neutral ground frankly a text would have been more than sufficient or I dunno you could have just not made contact with me at all. All the way around good riddance. I feel bad for her though.

Ida

Well, I guess you can say my ex is in a rebound relationship if he started seeing her like a week after the break up, went official on fb while I never got any committment and chose someone who’s a total opposite of me but it stills hurts to see him posting a sickly sweet pic of them and claiming she’s the one after 3 months of dating. I guess I should just feel sorry for the girl.

Helen

Yet another, spot on, inspiring and motivational post! I am still on my journey to recovery and your website is the site that keeps on giving. Just when I think i’ve read everything I can about break ups, I come across another little gem like this. Having had a particularly bad few days I found this and can’t tell you how much it gave me that kick up the arse/realigned my thought process and put me back on the right road again. Thank you x Helen from England.

That makes me so happy to hear that the post helped 🙂 You are never, ever alone. Sending you love from Los Angeles. We are all here and behind you 100%. If I can get through it, so.can.YOU. You got this and you got me + this entire tribe. xxxx

Anon

This is exactly what’s going on with me right now. She left me this time then now accidentally liked a photo on Instagram. I had no idea she had a new account cause I didnt look for her. When I looked it’s a bunch of quotes and selfies with the tags #goingout #happy and she was on bumble the day after we broke up just like the other times we broke up. I made my account private then she did. I deleted my account and now hers is public again. She wants me to look.

She also added a bunch of guys who tried to and probly succeeded in nailing her when we were together. If she didn’t wanna be with me anymore why play the victim like this? Like what’s her deal?

Patty

I am going through this right now. I thought my now ex was having some alone time, after we had a difficult time, we hadn’t officially broken up. Then it starts, I get bombarded with screenshots of his and hers facebook posts for the last 2 weeks! (Of course, he’d just blocked me that day) Let me just say, my white horse turned into a wild bronc that could not be ridden. I unloaded on him that night with over 70 evil hateful text messages to which he only replied “I didn’t lie to you”. Mind F*cked here! We’ve been engaged since Feb of this year and then decided that we should date longer. You blogs have resurrected me into a living, functioning human being. I was a slobbering mess the first three days of this week.

Natasha, Post Male Syndrome has saved my life over the weeks, especially this post…

My partner and I broke up after almost six years. As I grieve and reflect, I am admitting some of the darker aspects of our relationship: mind games, gaslighting, hot-and-cold attitudes, anxiety, anger, etc. The worst was he pushed me into an open relationship I was too weak to say I did not want. He also is a love addict: he’s with guys for a certain amount of time, and then moves on to chase the limerence of new love.

My partner carried on a two-month affair with someone we met at a gay campground and had a sort-of threesome with the last weekend in June. He pushed and manipulated me into letting him go spend another weekend alone with this guy, by swearing he “just needed to get it out of his system” and he only loved me and would always come home to me.

August turned into pure torment for me, and I became so anxious and depressed I stooped eating and lost almost 30 pounds. Then he broke up with me… but concealed the affair still, and I found out about it later on in pictures. After I confronted him again, he said in a rush of tears that he was “absolutely crazy about him” and he “hasn’t been able to stop thinking about him since the moment they first locked eyes…” When we broke up initially, my ex texted him and this guy broke up with his partner of 14 years…

Now my partner is acting really weird. He doesn’t understand what there is to grieve while I am in deep grieving. He wants me to meet one of his new guy’s friends because he thinks I’d like him a lot. He thinks I should still go to his cousin’s wedding. And that’s just some of it.

Even though I should not care anymore, the Bargaining part of my grief does not want this to be my ex’s true love at first sight who he will run off with and marry, while I had the f*cktard.

Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to share <3 You have no idea how many people you have helped because by sharing, you affirm that none of us are ever alone in our feelings, relationsh*ts, experiences, fears, and pain.

Thank you for your love, support, and for being a part of this tribe. It means everything to me.

Rhi

Thank you so much for this read. It makes sense. I was with my ex for 9 years and I had to move out due to his poor choices. I thought me moving out would help him see his behavior is wrong but instead he brought a new woman home literally days after I moved out. Now they are together in another state. It’s so complicated and fucked up. I hope they crash and burn.

Hanna

Wow, Natasha! I’m so glad I stumbled upon PMS. It’s helped me so much! Thank you! I was in a relationship with this guy for 5 years. We’ve had some hard times and conflicts of course, but nothing we couldn’t deal with. We dealt with our issues together, like a team. He used to say we were a great team. He broke up with me a month ago. We met a couple of days ago – and I made a point to showcase I’ve reflected on the things I have done that led to the breakup. He was so happy to see me. He kept telling me how amazing I am, he kept hugging me out of nowhere, holding my hand and being reluctant to let go of it. I thought we were gonna get back together, but it quickly turned out that’s not gonna be the case. If there’s one word that can describe that month we were apart, that would be growth for me. Physical, mental, emotional. He’s done nothing of that from what I could tell. But he’s got a new girlfriend. Two weeks after our relationship ended and he’s got a new girlfriend. A coworker that he kept telling me he’s not into. I guess I should learn to listen to my gut instincts more. I knew she was trouble. She was flirting with him, even though she knew he’s in a serious relationship. She’s the complete opposite of me. Turns out he’s already told her that he loves her. The funny part? During our meeting he kept telling me he still has feelings for me, that he’s been missing me, that he’s terrified he’s made a mistake by letting me go. He told me he knows this situation seems wrong to everybody (including his family), but it seems right to him. Yet, when I said I can’t stay in his life, he broke down crying. “It feels so wrong not to have you in my life.” Well, make up your mind, buddy. I’m scared and hurt. But I have to move on. I tried to make things work. He did, too. But I guess he didn’t wanna give it his all. The new, shiny thing cost him a 5-year loving relationship. I’m not sure he even realizes it, but what he did was emotional cheating. As much as it pains me, as much as I think these 5 years were fantastic, I have to move on.

Thank you so much for taking the time to share and for being a part of this tribe. I’m glad that the post helped <3

I know how heartbroken, confused, scared and emotionally exhausted you are. I wish that I had the time to write more but it sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do. You should be proud of how you handled yourself and the situation.

You are loved, appreciated, understood, and supported. Keep coming back here to the blog and just know...

You're never alone. XO

Mimi

I’ve been reading your blog for the last couple of months since my last “almost” relationship fizzled out – the latest in a series of them over the last five years since I broke up with my ex in 2014. It’s helped me recognize how much of a love addict/people pleaser/unboundaried person I’ve been in all of my relationships, my Daddy issues and how I am playing out my unmet needs with one emotionally unavailable guy after the next. My latest case was the straw that broke the camel’s back: he told me he was a commitmentphobe on the third date, but I looked past it because we had so many interests in common and he was such a “nice person.” Then a serious family crisis happened, he was mostly MIA for over a month – I waited around, of course – and when we reconnected we had a few great weeks together, which were of course marred by my anxiety over what we were doing, why he would be physically distant, what he thought or felt about me, etc. As it turns out, he was still talking frequently to his ex, and eventually he broke up with me because he was feeling so depressed about himself, his family issues, and believed he couldn’t offer me a relationship. All of this in under three months! And I stayed friends with him believing it could work out in the future (he had indicated as much initially), only to be told about a month later that a friend has asked him out on a date and he had accepted.

Naturally, at this point, I cut things off completely, though I had the unpleasant experience of running into him with his new girlfriend at the grocery store not too long ago. Since we don’t live far from each other, I imagine this will happen again. I will come back to this article and read it again and again when that panic or anxiety about what happened hits me, like it did in the store. The truth is that I was his rebound from his ex – and this girl is from me. I feel sorry for myself and the other people that are in this position. We need to take better care of ourselves not to get involved with or attract these types. With your help we definitely can.

Your beautiful comment made me tear up <3 I am so happy and honored to help. You are not alone in this (or ever). Thank you so much for taking the time to share and for being a part of this tribe. All my love to you soul sister. xx

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ABOUT NATASHA

PMS, at its core, is about relationships – how to better your romantic relationships, friendships, family relationships, and how to better the most significant, exciting and necessary relationship that you will ever have (and that you will never be able to live without) – the one that you have with yourself. Read more →