The Rapes of Wrath

“Havin’ booty is more important than drinkin water… I like booty!”- Fleece Johnson

I’ve been reading a bunch about rape on the internet lately, and if I believed what I read, I’d figure pretty much all white guys get raped in prison—the amount of stuff online talking about palefaces getting buttfucked behind bars is hard for me to believe since it is such a non-factor in New York prisons. I guess I was blessed being locked up here, ‘cause vicious ass raping just didn’t go down. Thank God I’m not from Alabama. The Turned Out: Sexual Assault Behind Bars series is one of the more disturbing things I’ve ever seen. I guess most people would simply spread ‘em and get fucked if they had a knife to their necks. It just seems like it’s not that big of a deal in Alabama. If you watch the whole series, they really normalize the prison-rape experience. Very scary shit. I’m grateful that the America in Alabama is so different from the one here in New York. I never had to fight for shit and my asshole is still intact.

Again, maybe I was lucky I wasn’t locked up until 2004, a year after the Prison Rape Elimination Act was signed by George W. Bush. It sounds like a bullshit formality, but it was probably somewhat effective because it forced prisons to track any sexual assault activity. Maybe that’s all it took to persuade wardens to act like they gave a shit. If they didn’t, prying eyes could observe that the JackOff Correctional Facility had the highest rapes per whiteboy in the country. Some of the documentaries about prison rape released in the early- to mid-2000s vividly portray prison staffs that didn’t give a shit about what happened behind the razor wire fence. Presumably, there has been a shift since then. Some of these alarmist documentaries state that one in every five inmates has been sexually assaulted, but a government survey from 2007 found the number more in the range of one in every 20.

Lots of inmates with long sentences in New York will start off in maximum-security, and when they get down to about five years left they’ll move to a medium-security prison. For that reason, I’ve hung out with a lot of guys who’ve done hard time in the maxes and speak candidly about everything that goes on there, and they never talked about a ‘booty bandit’ problem. Rarely, I hear rumors about how back in the day—and even as late as the 90s—shit was wild and there were a few “Double Bs” in each prison. But those dudes can usually find some real gay crackers who want to have consensual butthole fun and walk around with their hand in their daddy’s pocket. The level of security and control in New York prisons is very high, so maybe the most difficult part is to find some private alone time when you can get naked, rub some jelly on your starfish, and get your anus licked. Overall, inmates don’t really joke about gay shit or discuss rape too much. My closest friends and I would sometimes make fun of each other the way dudes do and call each other fags or say “suck my dick,” but that type of shit will cause a fight between most inmates.

People in the real world love to joke about guys in prison getting raped—they think it’s hilarious. If you’re a young-looking skinny white guy going to prison, let's bust out the jokes. Lots of my friends in the real world still secretly think I’ve been sexually experimented with, or that I’m just a fruitcake in heaven surrounded by all those street-tough guys with their ethnic cocks hangin’ to their knees.

All these clammy sex-crime scumdicks flooded the spot where I was. Time was you’d only have to worry about the weird-lookin’ white guys, but now you have to be wary of everyone. Inmates are more accepting of a murderer who ended a 16-year-old’s life than of a rape-o who had consensual sex with a 16-year-old. That’s just the way it is. So, all these new guys were getting thrown in the same new dorm. Lo and behold, some rumors started up that one of the “big homies” had started a party with his grimeys in the shower with some spooky white rape-o kid. According to COs and inmates alike, they stripped this youngster down to bare-ass and smeared peanut butter in his crack and jokingly poked at his anus with a broomstick just to show him a lesson for being a rape-o. The offenders were young kids perpetrating the dumb shit gangs do when they get together and egg each other on. Thing was, this kid told on them, and the authorities take this shit seriously—meaning they’re looking at sex crime charges themselves.

Googling “prison rape” is an exercise in humility for me, because by all accounts I should’ve been turned out and tossin’ salad with jelly (or maple syrup) years ago. But maybe the imminent threat of big black cocks filling holes is just how the media machine tries to keep white guys out of jail. Maybe that’s why a disproportionate amount of blacks are incarcerated, too—because they think they’re going to get to fuck the white man right up his fuckin’ ass, chow mein?