I know a lot of the MTFs seem to be looking for your "typical" GG, someone who enjoys being female all the time and hasn't ever really considered being a man. That's great, and I'd be happy doing a "me too" on that idea.

But I would really like to find a FTM. Someone with whom we can both just be ourselves. Whichever we need to be at any given point, male or female, it's understood that we'll be that. Boys time, girls time, mixed time, reversed mixed time, it doesn't matter as long as that's what we need then. We'll each want both of the other's sides to be a part of our life.

When one of us is having a hard time we'll know the other truly means it when they say they understand. We'll support and encourage each other in everything, not just CDing. No gender-based rules, no gender-based expectations. Honesty, committment, openness, those will be the cornerstones of our relationship.

What are your thoughts on this? Is the kind of relationship I'm looking for realistic or is it more of an ideal that may not come to pass?

Teresa Amina

03-23-2006, 05:05 PM

Quite an idea, but aren't there many, many more mtf than ftm? It's crossed my mind that it "could" be the solution to the problem of the gg not being able to handle our dual selves. You might have to wait in line! Would definitely be an interesting life. Perhaps the ftm contingent can contribute their thoughts to this.

CaptLex

03-23-2006, 07:00 PM

Is the kind of relationship I'm looking for realistic or is it more of an ideal that may not come to pass?

Shari Ann:

I think this kind of relationship makes as much sense as any other kind (if not more). After discussing all different kinds of TG relationships with my support group and my therapist and realizing that each one is subject to unforeseen pitfalls and detours which need patience, communication and dedication to work through, I honestly think this could work out well since each partner would have a head start in having some idea what to expect.

I'd be curious to hear what others - FtM, MtF, GG - might think. :)

Abraxas

03-23-2006, 11:22 PM

I was in that type of relationship for awhile... I dated an MTF for 4 months. For many reasons it didn't work out, but i think it could in general. The problem was, while I saw her as female no matter what she was (or wasn't) wearing, she never saw me as male. That bothered me, because I respected her enough to always use female pronouns and call her by her female name, and she didn't show me the same respect. And this wasn't an occasional slip, either. It was about 50% of the time that she used female pronouns for me.
Of course, respect is an essential part of any relationship, so... yeah.

ReginaK

03-24-2006, 04:55 AM

It's an interesting idea. Something i'd consider. But like it was said earlier, there simply aren't that many FtMs. And it seems like there aren't that many straight FtMs either.

Kieron Andrew

03-24-2006, 08:46 AM

i am in a relationship with a MTF and i am of course FTM its been almost 6months now......going good

Fainne the King

03-26-2006, 10:53 PM

If I ever broke up with my current bf, that would probably be the easiest relationship to have, since there wouldn't have to be that awkward, "well...you see....I have a vagina" that might put off a lot of people. We could both accept each other better and plus I find men crossdressing very sexy. I got my bf to do it once, but he swears never again. Of course, there'll be problems to every relationship, but I think that's just with personality, not anything to do with gender identity.

Kimberley

03-26-2006, 10:57 PM

I think this is a good match up but people are people with all our faults and frailties. Things can go wrong in any relationship. Still as Abraxas said it does require the recognition of TRUE gender identification on both sides.

Just a personal note. I think all you GUYS are fabulous.

Kimberley.

CaptLex

03-27-2006, 10:08 AM

I don't know about the rest of you, but I have this feeling that noone would really want to go out with me. Gay guys and straight girls would be thrown off by my female parts, and lesbians and straight guys would be thrown off by the fact that I'm not a girl. ARGH. It would just be easier if everyone was bisexual. XD

That's my feeling exactly . . . don't really know who I would hook up with in my situation. An MtF might just work as long as there is mutual respect, and not a situation like the one Abraxas described. :nono:

Just a personal note. I think all you GUYS are fabulous.

Aw, thanks, Kimberley.:blushing:

Kimberley

03-27-2006, 11:10 AM

Yeah, FtM and MtF relationships would make sense. There'd already be the understanding, and gender wouldn't really be an issue concerning the relationship. It would just be so much easier.
Plus, I don't know about the rest of you, but I have this feeling that noone would really want to go out with me. Gay guys and straight girls would be thrown off by my female parts, and lesbians and straight guys would be thrown off by the fact that I'm not a girl. ARGH. It would just be easier if everyone was bisexual. XD
***********
Oh Lex, dont beat yourself up like this. From all I have read you are a good person and that is what counts most. That is what will be seen in the end.

HUGS
Kimberley.

Karen Edmonton

03-27-2006, 11:20 AM

I don't know if you want to hear from me , but I'D LOVE to find a FTM that would be willing to get together for drinks !!

Terri Li

03-27-2006, 11:33 AM

I wouldnt mind having a relationship with either mtf or ftm
i crossdress, i like guys i dont care whether you were fem or male i want a close relationship.

Casey Morgan

03-27-2006, 01:08 PM

I really appreciate everyone's comments. I had been wondering if I was the only one who was interested in such a relationship. It's nice to know I'm not. I guess the key is to know yourself well enough to really know what you want, and truly respect what the other person wants.

Abraxas: I'm sorry to hear about that relationship. Some people just can't see beyond their own nose.

Kells: I'm glad to hear it. I hope everything continues to go well for both of you.

Kieron Andrew

03-27-2006, 06:16 PM

Kells: I'm glad to hear it. I hope everything continues to go well for both of you.
thanks Shari_Ann

sparro

03-30-2006, 01:00 AM

Personnally, I don't think the kind of support you are talking about would be there in a MTF FTM relationship. There would be what you had in common, which would feel great. But really, I think that if you were both struggling with it, and suffering through it, there would only be a greater tension in between the two of you.
I suppose it's different for me in a way, because I'm a FTM and I'm currently dating a GG who likes men. So, it's working out for us.We can still appear "normal", whatever that is.
I think a friendship with one would be much more useful and better for that kind of understanding because there is a different kind of bond in a friendship, and different boundries when you are dating a person. Within relationships I've found there is often a bit more competion, strangely enough In relationships I look more for support, and in friendships I look more for understanding.
I don't know if any of what I just said makes a bit of sense.

ReginaK

03-30-2006, 03:37 AM

I suppose it's different for me in a way, because I'm a FTM and I'm currently dating a GG who likes men. So, it's working out for us.We can still appear "normal", whatever that is.

That's the key right there. Relationships that appear normal seem to work the best. Less stress involved. Less explaining to do. Especially if one is fulltime.

ReginaK

04-03-2006, 10:05 AM

Now that's not a good way to look at it. I'm a straight GG with an FTM boyfriend. Stranger things have occured. But I get your drift.

As for FTM/MTF couples. I don't see why it wouldn't work, but like everything else it wouldn't be for everybody. I think what everyone needs in their lives is a nice pansexual. Pansexual meaning, a sexual orientation distinct from bisexuality where individuals love a person romantically irrespective of gender or sex. (Source: Wikipedia)

If that wouldn't cover all the options i don't know what would.

You just described me. I don't care about how a person is equipped or how they present. If they are attractive to me, they just are. It's not a gay, straight, or bi thing to me. I just like people.

Terri Li

04-03-2006, 10:41 AM

i can express both genders, id love to date whoever will love me.
i wouldnt find it hard to date ftm or mtf. I want acceptance that i can be either male or female

ive fantasized being married to a guy and also to mtf. i dont see the problem when they can accept me.

Kimberly

04-03-2006, 11:01 AM

But I would really like to find a FTM. Someone with whom we can both just be ourselves. Whichever we need to be at any given point, male or female, it's understood that we'll be that. Boys time, girls time, mixed time, reversed mixed time,
Can you imagine the sex games?? :D:evil:

hehehehe...

sparro

04-04-2006, 12:01 AM

That's the key right there. Relationships that appear normal seem to work the best. Less stress involved. Less explaining to do. Especially if one is fulltime.

That's true, but not my point, exactly.
I think that a relationship (between boyfriends and girlfriends) is sort of like a balancing act. Opposites attract is not completely wrong. I've found, from my own personal experience that relationships that have opposing personalities traits work best. These relationships seem not only to grow and evolve, but help the people in the them do so aswell. I know that I've grown a lot while being with my girlfriend, and when I met her I suppose we seemed like two very different people.

My point is that it's better to have someone different from you in relationships. Personnalities that are too similar just stagnate a relationship, and can often cause a clash of personnalities, and competition (ex: which of you gets more exceptance amung their peirs, who looks "better" when crossdressing, etc.)

@Lex(and anybody else with this on the brain): You are not all that uncommon. I'm sure for someone like yourself, love will not be that hard to find (people in more awkward sexual situations have found love, after all). I used to worry that I would never find love because of the way that I was, that I'd need to go to some kind of BAR or something, and as it turns out, it wasn't as hard to find as I thought. People's minds are much more maleable then they realize, and love and sexuality are also much more fluid then people would assume aswell. I mean, even personnally as a lesbian I find some ftms attractive, and I believe I've known people in the past who have, also. And bisexuality is hugely common these days. I'm rambling, I'll stop now. :p All the same, don't think you're so undesirable!

LaceLuvr's GG

04-07-2006, 08:14 PM

This is the first time that I've posted in the FtM - so hi to you all. This post interested me, cause it made me have some realization about myself. I have always considered myself a "tomboy". By no means am I FtM - but I am most comfortable with no make up, sweats and a t-shirt with my hair thrown up in a messy bun or under a baseball cap. I'm straight and have never had a slight attraction to a female. Since being with Lace, I have realized that I am most aroused when he has his sexy lingerie on. I have never had feelings like I have before being with Lace, it's weird and very hard to explain.

I guess a part of me enjoys him dressed like that because I can play on my "boyish" ways with him dressed all pretty and me in a t-shirt and shorts. Kind of like reversing the roles. I can definately see where it would make sense for straight FtMs to date straight MtFs.

Wow, I need to come in here more often. :)

KrazyKat

04-08-2006, 12:26 AM

Yes, what you all said. Have any of yu read Kate Bornstein's "Gender Outlaw"? This was the first book I read dealing with all these issues, scary for the first, but very thought provoking. That's when the basic, gender does not equal sexual preference hit home for me!! Also liked the thoughts about a 3rd gender and all that goes with the ideas of such a community!!
This helped me to realize why I've been play acting with both genders. Last summer I bought men's suits(great 2nd hand), ties, oxfords, etc, but realized I like wearing femme, too!! It's kinda what I feel like at the moment.:D
Explains Gypsy Karen and I's relationship, we're both strong and weak, I do always feel I've had to be a leader type, kinda bred in me, DNA and upbringing mix. Funny thing is, after years of this, I realized how worn out I was, so I started partying, out of control, like an adolescent!! Whew, that wore me out,too! Now, some balance!! Ying/Yang! Make sense!?
Yes, we were opposites, but after 12 years of trust building, we are meeting in the middle, balanced and stronger for us both!! I finally feel that one other human being in the whole world understands me!! :thumbsup:
Wow, putting this in words for the first time has helped me to understand it better, too!! thanks, keep looking, brave love warriors, just be what feels good and share, ya never know who you'll run into when you least expect it!!
Now, sexual preference, mindset, recently I've thought, if I had male anatomy, I'd probably be gay. Maybe 'cause I've had to deal with the detailed upkeep, naww, love male anatomy!! LOL
Kat

KrazyKat

04-08-2006, 12:31 AM

Shari Ann, sound awesome, glad you've found a great relationship!!

Byron: thanks for sharing, I find your openness refreshing, sounds like you've found some peace with yourself and how you feel!!

CaptLex

04-08-2006, 09:37 AM

Wow, I need to come in here more often. :)

Drop by anytime, hon. And KrazyKat, thanks for the visit too. I'm always interested in getting different points of view. We all have our differences, but we have so much in common and I find I really learn from everyone here.