Why do we run away from potentially great relationships?

12/06/2014

This might be your or your friend’s story, I know I’ve been there and this is why I share it.

It goes something like this: I keep telling my friends and family about me wishing to be in a relationship, but when the chance comes, I end up running away. I meet a guy, things start great, we start to see each other more often, spend intimate days and night, and suddenly – I am searching for reasons why this won’t work. It’s either him or me or some stupid excuse.
I can’t even offer a proper explanation as to why I think it won’t work. It’s easier for me to just nip the relationship in the bud because it is scarier to let it evolve into something more than what it already is. Ever had a similar experience?

Why do we get scared of evolving relationship

When you enter the relationship that you’ve been kind of wishing for, you’d think everything is perfect… until fear creeps in. Little by little.

It could be because you are scared of emotional intimacy, but there are many other reasons behind that fear.

I would like you to consider these two possible reasons.

1st

First one is that you might be scared of the possibility of being rejected.
Deep down, you might already be thinking about the consequences if the relationship breaks down. The more you invest yourself in the relationship, the bigger the fear gets.

This fear could have stemmed from some trauma of having painful breakups or bad relationships, or from seeing the people around you get hurt from their relationships, such as your friends’ break-ups, constant fighting or even your parent’s divorce.

The idea is: If you don’t open yourself to someone, you don’t get hurt if things go wrong. Though I’ll share with you – my fear fed itself over time and became too intense for me to handle. If you don’t resolve this, no doubt yours will too.

2nd

The second reason is that deep down you’re probably scared of commitments.
I had a bad habit of pursuing men who were just unsuitable for me. Want to know why? Because then I’d easily find plenty of reasons to end that relationship.

One example, I would date men who would do nothing all day. They didn’t had a steady job. They would only talk about their ambitions such as starting their own business, having some ideas, business plans. It was all talk, talk, talk. No action.

Life-style such as staying home all day, sleeping, eating and playing video games is a huge turn-off and a deal breaker for me. A perfect ‘impossible’ relationship.
So I knew I couldn’t get attached. No attachments equals no commitments.