The last section in Chapter 5 in Playful Parenting is very important. Dr. Cohen discusses the good and natural consequence of successfully playing with children: tears!

He explains that sudden outbursts of emotion happen because the child has been holding onto a lot of feelings, and the giggling opens the door. What you have essentially done is made them feel safe with you, so they feel a freedom to be vulnerable and release their pain. This is healthy and good!

It is confusing for adults because often it is something small that triggers the intense emotions and we freak out and tend to overreact or reprimand. Dr. Cohen says however,

“If we can just sit with them while they are releasing these feelings, they will eventually emerge happier children… often all that is necessary is a brief pause to pay attention to that burst of feelings, then back to fun play – which becomes even more fun now that the child is no longer carrying that load of painful emotions.” (p89-91)

**
I echo the author when he asks, “Is there enough giggling going on in your house?”
**

Chapter 6 is an excellent chapter as well: “Learn to Roughhouse,” which covers a range of sub-topics of physical play.

Why do children wrestle/roughhouse?
– to test their physical strength
– to have fun
– to control their aggression, practice restraint

Why wrestle with parents?
– we can help them deal with fears, anger, etc
– we won’t call them names if they cry or give up
– we will stop and rest
– we can help them explore their physical strength
– we can help them develop confidence

How do we wrestle?
– try to pin each other
– try to get past each other
– they try to knock you down
– they try to get away from you holding them
– they try to get you somewhere

KEY INGREDIENT, dependent upon the child and the moment:
– you pretend to be incompetent, OR
– you match your strength to theirs

When children want to engage in War Play – exploring ideas of aggression, conflicts, alliances, strategies, weapons, violence – adults have the task of keeping it light-hearted and balanced, and including ideas of nurturing and camaraderie.

Basically, “take a real situation that is hard for them, label it as play, and let children practice gaining control over their impulses.” (p111)

So far, I’ve given a fairly in-depth look at Dr. Cohen’s book. For the second half of the book, I will provide more of a synopsis of concepts. I strongly encourage you to read it and begin applying Playful Parenting techniques in your household.

“People don’t put up walls to keep people out, they put them up to see who cares enough to knock them down.”

“Aha!” I thought, as the scriptural theme of open and closed doors came to mind. Nowadays we think of people as putting up walls, but the concept of a wall makes the obstacle seem impenetrable. Jesus does not see walls, He sees doors. If we read these verses as though the door is a hardened heart, they present to us a challenge, a loving way to see the people in our lives.

Matthew 16:18, “And so I say to you, you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it.”

Revelation 3:20, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will enter his house and dine with him, and he with me.”

Luke 13:24, “Strive to enter through the narrow door, for many, I tell you, will attempt to enter but will not be strong enough.”

Luke 13:25, “After the master of the house has arisen and locked the door, then will you stand outside knocking and saying, ‘Lord, open the door for us.’ He will say to you in reply, ‘I do not know where you are from.”

Luke 11:10, “For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”

The hardened human heart is a pre-netherworld. Those gates are closed tight! With Jesus, we approach those hardened heart-doors. When we ask them to open, they will not trust us because we don’t come from the same place. The doors will be narrow, you will have to really see the person to find the way in. Once you find it, stand patiently, knocking, gently but insistently, consistently, communicating “I love you too much to go away.”

When he lets you in, you may be surprised to find Jesus is already there and has been working – dine with him! Enjoy his company. Leave him a pleasant memory of his experience with a Christian. After you leave him, pray for him, and leave him in God’s very capable hands.

Are you putting up walls or knocking on doors?

At a small group meeting the other day we discussed the Bible’s reference to the flesh, and our weakness in the face of temptation. Peter Herbeck used the analogy of the Trojan Horse: if sin can get just a few guys in the gate, they can lower the drawbridge and let in the whole army.

If this strategy is effective in the case of sin and failure, why can’t we use it for evangelization and the winning of souls for Christ?

Don’t be afraid! Reach out to someone! Find that spark of truth and beauty that makes their heart beat. Communicate your love. They just might open up this time.

Posted inReflecting|Comments Off on The Gates Of Hell Are In The Human Heart

In light of today’s United States Supreme Court decision to re-define marriage as something other than the union of one man and one woman, it may be helpful for Catholics to pause and engage in some self-examination before we try to move forward in history.

FAITH
Have I neglected to pray for God’s will to be done?
Have I assumed God has been absent in all this?
Have I neglected to pray for authentic marriage?
Have I neglected to pray for our civil leaders?
Have I made an honest effort to understand the Church’s teaching on marriage and sexuality?
Have I been selective in my acceptance of Church teachings?
Have I promoted things contrary to Church teaching?
Have I regarded the Pope as anything less than orthodox?

HOPE
Have I appreciated my spouse as a gift from God?
Have I despaired of God’s mercy?
Have I despaired of God’s ultimate triumph?
Have I shared the truth of authentic marriage with others?
Have I taught my children the beauty of authentic marriage by word and example?
Have I failed to pray for the conversion of hearts and minds?
Have I assumed this decision is irreversible?

CHARITY
Have I been unfaithful to my spouse in word or in deed?
Have I refused to forgive my spouse?
Have I engaged in speaking ill of the opposite sex?
Have I wanted to force others to agree with me?
Have I listened openly to people that disagree with me?
Have I responded to them with kindness and gentleness?
Have I neglected to pray for people with same-sex attraction?
Have I neglected to pray for engaged and married couples?
Have I neglected to pray for children?

Sing a song, write a poem, go to mass or adoration. As you go about your day, offer a prayer from your heart. This is a good thing to do for other people in your life too. Life is so blazing short, make sure you tell the people you love that you love them. Tell them why, tell them often. This is the best way I know to brighten the day. Don’t be shy!

2) Tell someone else about Him.

Were you in a difficult situation and Jesus gave you grace at the right moment to overcome it? Did you ask Him for help, and He gave it? How was it different or better than you expected? We talk about what’s going on in our lives all the time, why not mention where God was in the midst of it? Then you can ask, “So, where is God working in your life?”

3) Hug your spouse.

Besides the obvious, there are lots of ways to ‘hug’ someone, basically to show you care. Send a corny “I love you” text, surprise him or her with a favorite meal, take the kids for a couple hours, bite your tongue when you have something harsh to say. To give of yourself to your spouse is to model how Jesus loves His bride, the Church. Jesus knows that how you love your spouse is how you love Him.

4) Play with your children.

Whether its the little people that live with you, a niece or nephew, or other children that God has put in your path, give them a special treat – time spent with you. Be over-the-top silly. Let them call all the shots. Follow their rules, play their way, with their toys, with as much enthusiasm you can. Don’t be to grown-uppy. This is a taste of heaven… you just might enjoy it!

5) Pray for someone who said or did something unkind.

This is tough, tough, tough. But Jesus commands it, models it, and died that you might have the grace to do it. You love Him, and He loves that difficult person too. You may be the only disciple he comes across today, how does Jesus want you to show him His love?