Senior Parade Mistaken for Zombie Attack

A parade last weekend celebrating the oldest citizens in Coma almost turned to tragedy after one citizen mistook the shuffling seniors for a wave of moaning zombies.The parade is the only source of exercise and fresh air for the year for many of Coma’s oldest citizens, as well as a convenient way for other residents to see who’s still alive and kicking.The annual senior citizens parade follows a three mile route through and around town and started Saturday afternoon. kicking. Last years parade took a record 9 and a half hours.

That is why it may not have been wholly unexpected that at 2am–12 hours after the parade’s start–that Marybell Davis, a local online detective, was awoken by the sounds of groaning and shuffling feet and attempted to alert area defense officials.

“I had a Walking Dead marathon over the weekend,” Davis said.The Coma National Guard armory dismissed Marybell’s phone call as a prank.“Sure it was a false alarm, this time, but I would really like someone to look into the odds of a zombie attack,” Davis said. “Also, that show is fantastic and everyone should watch it.”

When asked about a zombie defense plan, Mayor Dave Anderson offered assurances that an emergency response was in place.

“That’s half the reason we have underground tunnels all throughout town,” Dave Anderson said. “That, and sometimes I just don’t feel like going outside to get a burrito.”

In the case of a zombie attack the town recommends locking your doors and barring windows, as well as filling your bathtub with water, which is a key response to any possible emergency in the town.