Volume 50
Letters TO THE Editor
For the record, school spirit can’t be
measured by class requirements
2

Dear Borah Senator,
I am writing this letter in regards to the article about the Rowdies and the athletes not supporting the band. First of all, where does the band get off acting all high and mighty just because they
“support” the football team? Has any band member even stepped foot anywhere near a softball
field? A lacrosse field? A soccer field? There are plenty of other sports/activities the band could
attend and yet I haven’t seen them at any. Why should they tell us to come support them when
they don’t support us? Furthermore, can they really say they are supporting the football team when
they are required to be there for a class? How many of the band people would go to the games if it
wasn’t required?
Secondly, high school students don’t attend music events because they are boring! Those of us
who aren’t in band, aren’t for a reason. We don’t want to go sit in silence for hours on end, listening to music that doesn’t interest us!
My third and final point involves the cheerleaders. The Rowdies don’t follow their cheers
because all of their cheers are meant for cheerleaders, and cheerleaders only! Not all of us were
blessed with the ability to be peppy 24/7. The Rowdies just start cheers we can actually do! If the
cheerleaders did cheers like “Truckin” and things where we mimic them, they’d be more successful!
-Kara Perry
Senior
Letter received 11-10

How to send a letter to The Senator:
1. Type letter
2. Sign it
3. Bring letter to room 503
or Email it to
kcorp@borahtoday.com
Let the people’s voices be heard! The Borah Senator accepts all letters of school
appropriate subjects. The Senator will
not accept anonymous letters.

Senator’s
Mission
Statement
The Senator’s duty is to inform and entertain students and faculty in an accurate and
timely fashion. The paper covers events and
information that affects the student body. The
Senator is a non-profit organization.
The Senator is published monthly by Borah High School, 6001 Cassia St., Boise, Idaho
83709. Phone 1-208-854-4370 ext. 142. Circulation 1700. The Senator is printed by Idaho
Press Tribune.
The Senator maintains membership in the
National Quill and Scroll Society and the Journalism Education Association. Additional rates
are available upon request.
All signed commentaries that appear in
The Senator are strictly the opinion of that
individual and do not necessarily reflect the
general opinion of the Senator staff.
The Borah Senator received the 2008 George H.
Gallup award from Quill and Scroll, the International
Honorary Society for High School Journalists. The
Quill and Scroll was founded by Dr. Gallup in 1926.
High school newspapers considered for this award
seek recognition because of overall superiority in informing, influencing, and entertaining.

Turn to pg 16 and
see if you can complete
the scavenger hunt of
art around campus.

Who has a
javelina in their
classroom?
Turn to pg 9
to find out.

On the Cover: Artist Bio
By Mike Bingham

Nick Parenti, a senior of 17 years
and the student behind this issue’s
cover, is a brilliant graphic artist who
hones his skills off-campus at a graphic design class. He generally prefers
a digital medium and has done other
projects for the paper earlier in past
issues. He creates his art, which can
only be described as abstract, without having to draw from other artists
for inspiration. Images come quickly
and easily to him, and he admits that
he had little to no difficulty in creating the cover after editor-in-chief
Ayla Washam suggested creating a
“wordle” out of the Q&A perceptions
of Borah. His current goal is to eventually design clothes and open his own
clothing line.
“I’m a fan of TV,” he said when
asked about his interests. He also
enjoys videogames, collectible card
games, and tennis. Nick is a proficient tennis player and has been on
the team for some time now. He likes
listening to music, and is able to enjoy
any genre except country. His favorite
types of music are Alternative, “Hop
of the Hip”, and Screamo. Nick
maintains a good relationship with
his family, all of whom love to travel
during the holidays. This year they’ve

planned a trip to sunny Florida over
the break.
On the outside, Nick appears to be
very relaxed, and after talking to him
for awhile, he appears very relaxed on
the inside as well. When confronted
with the subject of senioritis, he replied “I don’t do work,” then laughed.
He admits some of his classes, like calculus, can be difficult, but he doesn’t
take problems too seriously and still
finds enjoyment in his art.
To sum things up, Nick could be
described as a very vague yet talented
individual, whose art and style may
forever be beyond our understanding.

News

4

Volume 50 Issue I October 12, 2009

Program provides supplies to Borah families

By Summer Galindo

The Borah Adopt a Family program is an annual campus event
since 1988. Students, teachers, and
workers in the community send families experiencing hard times holiday
care packages.
Although this is an organization
run by the school, there are many
other Adopt a Family programs
around the nation, including the Salvation Army’s as shown at salvationarmy.org.
The organization is an anonymous service that social worker
Becky Woodland arranges each year.
Woodland picks Borah families in
need and sets out to help them. She
sends a mass e-mail is out to every
teacher about how they and their

students can help. Clubs as well as
classes sponsor families. Even families
can become sponsors. For example,
this Thanksgiving the office staff said
that they helped a family in need.

The program is active from November through the winter holidays
and helps families stay nourished as
well as happy.
Students and staff prepare a basket or a box of food, gifts, and other
supplies including pet food and donated clothing. Woodland delivers the
packages to the families.
Adopt a Family helps about 20
families each school year. “It seems to
bring us closer together,” said Woodland. “I like that it’s Borah helping Borah. Unlike most school food drives,
you know that your donations are going to a nearby family that needs it,
the only difference is that you don’t
know exactly who.”

Japanese Club
By Alexis Anderson

Occupied with anime, costumes,
painting, parties, potlucks, and iceskating, this year’s Japanese Club has
been very busy with several projects
and activities.
“We accomplish what we set out
to do slow but steady, and have fun
while doing it,” commented club
president and senior MaryAnne
Bowen.
The promotions committee is
completing a request from history
teacher, Amy Everson, to paint a series of murals for her classroom.
In addition, they plan on throwing a Christmas party tomorrow.
“We have fervently been planning for
this party,” explained Bowen.
The celebration will include a
potluck. They will also dress as anime characters, and have a Secret
Santa gift exchange. In the future,

they hope to take an ice-skating trip
and skate in costume.
They are also hosting Anime Week
twice a year, where the Anime committee will bring together anime movie clips that are appropriate for the
time of year.
“Anime is a big part of Japanese
Club,” stated Junior Matt Carrillo.
Anime is Japanese animation that began at the start of the 20th century. The
Japanese term otaku is used in America
as a term for anime fans.
“We want the club to be Japanese
Club, not Anime Club, so we’re also
trying to move away a little bit from
Anime,” noted Carrillo.
The club holds meetings every
Wednesday and uses funny video clips
to get everyone’s attention to start the
meetings. During the meetings, members discuss future plans.

Illistration by Ryan Hester
Alya Washam

Creative Writing elective dropped
due to lack of interest, budget
Borah lost the Creative Writing
elective this year. The class was taught
by English teacher Chuck McHenry,
and before him Language Arts department head Rod Wray.
McHenry said, “It was primarily
focused on allowing students to hone
their fiction writing skills.” The students wrote three to five major short
stories, read 15 to 20 famous short stories, and completed 50 “short writes.”
At the end of semester, the students
composed a 25+ page portfolio of
their best work.
By Katie Helm

“If the numbers aren’t there, it’s
time to kill it,” McHenry said. Last
year 39 students enrolled, but this year
McHenry reported that only a couple
of students signed up for the class.
Wray said, “I am not happy about
losing it this year. There are not
enough electives in the Language Arts
department.” Core requirements are
going up, so districts have to use their
budgets to fund teachers for the required classes.
“Public school programs are like
your body when hypothermia sets
in: the extremities are sacrificed so
the core can survive awhile longer,”
McHenry said.

Deck the Halls

Deck the Halls, an annual tradition, brings the holidays to the halls.
Sophomores, juniors and seniors competed to see who decorated the best
door. “We are trying to make it a
big deal again,” commented junior
Walter Nosalskiy, Student Council
member.
As for breaking the themes, the
sophomores turned C-hall into a Winter Wonderland, juniors made A-hall
into the Grinch, and seniors took on
Charlie Brown for B-hall. Student

Council decided the themes.
“This tradition has been going on
for at least 20 years,” added Korrin
Rue, Student Council adviser. Over
the years, Deck the Halls has regressed
from a big deal to a smaller deal that
Student Council is bringing back.
The Door Decorating, also sponsored by Student Council, is a school
wide competition in which students
decorate during sixth period. The
wining classroom wins an ice cream
party provided by Student Council.

Volume 50 Issue iI November 17, 2009

News

Gateway to a creative mind

Art Department’s Open Studio lets community to be artistic
By Megan Harrigfeld

Light reaches into the ceramics
room as kids and adults alike immerse
themselves in the Borah art community.
The art department at Borah on
Tuesdays from 3-5 p.m. provides a haven to channel creative ideas in a safe
place. Open Art Studio is an afterschool program with access to both
art rooms, and every so often even the
dark room.
Art teachers Jennifer Compton
and Pat Rose have facilitated the activity for several years.
Open Art Studio has a place for
everyone, not just school wide, but
community wide. “Anyone in our
community can come,” said Compton, “it’s a good community builder.”

Tech Center
offers
interships,
certification

Parents, teachers, students, and even
an Ambrose Elementary School second grader have attended.
“It’s a place to release positive
creativity,” commented sophomore
Claire Richardson. The program
stretches the art department to more
people, providing materials such as
the clay and potter’s wheel, paint and
other supplies for a broad artistic experience.
Since the program exists not just
for art students, it gives other people
the ability to dabble in an art experience. Borah students also can come
plainly to do extra work, or finish up
a project.
“It’s the coolest thing going
on during a Tuesday afternoon,” said
Rose. “We’re very happy for anyone
to come by—the more the merrier.”

By Jesse Conklin

The
Dehryl
A. Dennis Professional
Technical
Education Center
is one opportunity
that students have
to collect skills that can help them in life after high school.
The Tech Center has more than 55 classes in
30 courses of study. These classes range anywhere
from auto body classes to zoology.
“The courses are all student interest driven.
Every class offers specific benefits that will give
them opportunities in either two avenues: one is
to go directly into the workforce or to attend a
junior college and further their education,” Principal Jim Marconi said.
Students who take classes at the Tech Center
have the opporunity to gain certifications in their
fields or enter internships with businesses around
the Boise area that will teach them and give them
more hands-on experience.
“Only about 10 percent of the 1,000 students
that attend the Tech Center get certified or an internship,” Marconi said. Students who have a B
average and are entering a third year of a tech
subject are eligible to participate.

Photo By Katie Helm

Student begins to spins a pot on the
potter’s wheel during Open Studio.

5

Borah orginizations offers
students a varity of sweets
The Student Store and Java Den
are more than just places for learners
to devour food and purchase Borah
paraphernalia. From German chocolates and popcorn to frozen yogurt
and empanadas, the stores are hubs
for fundraising.
The store sells more than just Frazils, pretzels and personal pizzas; everyday, a club is raising money for upcoming activities.
Spanish Club sells hot cocoa and
bilingual holiday grams while German
Club hawks chocolates and taffy. Both
groups participate just for fun, saying,
“Hi, we’re here!” explained German
Club adviser Barbara Beautrow.
Marketing classes put their proceeds from the Java Den toward district, state and national championships. Advertising Club also sells candy
apple suckers and lanyards in front of
the Student Store to help reduce the
cost of printing their newspaper.

Next year comes with its own surprises
“It’s going to be a real opportunity for kids,” Alternative Schooling Director and Borah alumnus
Coby Dennis said about a long-distance learning
program.
Broadband Teaching is a way for students in
smaller districts and schools to take classes that
schools like Borah offer. Two-way, high-quality digital video allows students to push a button, raise their
hands, and watch a live class.
“It will be several years before the full swing,”
Dennis said. Broadband Teaching is a goal that the
district is preparing to launch next year at Borah
as a pilot program, but it’s a matter of how many
classrooms Borah will have the equipment in.
Borah was slated for a modified block schedule
next year, like the schedules currently at Timberline
and Boise. Since the program would potentially involve other districts, coordinating the two issues has
taken priority. Either way, the participating schools
need to have the same, if not a very close schedule

as Borah’s. How to coordinate all the details among
the schools involved in the Broadband Teaching
program is still being determined.
Curriculum Director and Borah aumnus Dr.
Don Coberly said, “It opens up so many possibilities.” Broadband Teaching allows a student in a
town like Weezer to take one of the many AP (advanced placement) courses Borah offers, if their
school doesn’t offer them.
On the other hand, Coberly said teachers have
expressed how important a block schedule is for allowing time to complete labs.
“Possibilities of block still depend on who we
share the Broadband Teaching with,” Dennis said.
Dennis explained that the two separate discussions
of making Broadband Teaching available and considering a modified block schedule have to occur
simultaneously.
“I think Borah is interested in playing this game,”
Principal Bonita Hammer said. Borah is slated for
some equipment from the IEN (Idaho Education
Network) next year, but how much or in how many
classrooms is undetermined.

OPINION

6

Senator
Staff
Opinion

Opinion is taken from an anonymous
survey of Senator staff members.

Borah sweeps the
Economic Summit.
BSU earns a berth in the
Fiesta Bowl against Texas
Christian University
(TCU.)
Metallica plays soldout
concert at the Idaho
Center.
Panda Tai Shan of the
Washington D.C. Zoo is
to be transferred to China
in early 2010.

Volume 50 Issue III December 16, 2009

Perceptions of Borah

Unity can combat image of cockroaches, chew
Staff Editorial

F

irst impressions are often what people base
their entire perception of something on and can be
difficult to change. However, our school is so diverse
that we aren’t known for any one thing, but rather a
wide range of great characteristics and grave shortcomings.
“Cockroaches and chew,” remarked Timberline
senior Monika Svahn with no hesitation. “That’s my
perception of Borah.” With the haunting picture
of a cockroach engraved in her mind, and having
friends at Borah who chew tobacco, Svahn formed
this perception.
Capital sophomores Katy Jekich and Lucy
Herandez view Borah in a similar way. “I think
Borah’s pretty much the same as Capital, only you
guys have cockroaches,” said Jekich.
Borah may be famous for its insect population,
but that is not all it is known for. Boise senior Katrine Franks views Borah as an artistic school. “Borah gets a lot of really creative kids. All the kids
I’ve met from Borah are really artistic,” reminisced
Franks.
Other Boise students had no input about Borah,
and said that they don’t think anything good or bad
about our school.
“Boise is the best,” noted Boise junior Connor McLeod. Boise sophomore Roberto Negron
agreed saying, “I just like Boise better [than Borah]

Tiger Woods is accused
of cheating on his wife.
Sarah Palin releases her
memoirs, “Going Rogue.”
President Obama
approves troop increase
in Afghanistan.
Like

Indifferent

Dislike

Illustrations by Lisa Garrard

because of
where we’re
located.”
W h e n
asked their
perception
of
Borah,
students all
across
the
valley had a
lot to say. Not
a single person with a disapproving comment would say anything on the record. The conclusion we gather from
this is that most ill feelings toward Borah lack reason— when asked to explain a negative comment,
students just shrugged and walked away.
The reflection of any school lies in the community feelings about the school. If a school cannot come together as one, then that school will be
vulnerable to all criticism. When unified, a school is
much stronger and has the ability to easily disprove
any pessimistic accusation or comment.
Borah’s new principal Bonita Hammer thinks
very highly of Borah. “We have diversity in our
population, which I think is an advantage,” said
Hammer.
We would agree that our school is extremely
diverse and that diversity has potential to be an
advantage, but it’s an advantage that would be solidified if our student body became less divided and
more united.
What the students, faculty, and parents at Borah
think of Borah is what makes or breaks the image
we uphold in our community.
The perception of Borah isn’t all bad or all
good— we suspect it wouldn’t be one hundred percent in either direction for any other high school,
either. The only way to improve the perception of
Borah is to ignite a stronger feeling of Borah pride
within the school itself.
We aren’t necessarily lacking in school spirit, but
we aren’t fully embracing the diversity we are so
lucky to have. If we don’t work together, it is nearly
impossible to change first impressions people form
from when they meet us individually. No Lion can
fulfill his or her full potential among a divided jungle. We are Borah, and we have no reason to hide
our pride.

OPINION

Volume 50 Issue iII December 16, 2009

Anchors make mockery of
the morning video broadcast
By Megan Mizuta

ing anchors. But it doesn’t have to be either or. A
line exists between Ron Burgundy tag lines and
At the top of second period every day, Borah is MSNBC sign offs. Our anchors are fully capable
subject to the morning announcements. Produced of walking that line, and giving us an interesting
and anchored by students, the morning broadcast broadcast without eclipsing their purpose of imcan often seem like little more than a bad joke. May- parting information and abusing their platform.
be it’s the obese animals pictured behind our an“The purpose [of the announcements] should
chors, or that our news has been anchored by Mario be to inform students about what’s going on,” Rupp
and Luigi. Maybe it’s the feeling that information stated. But instead the announcements are used to
must be dug out from underneath showy transitions “screw around” and for “the anchors to make fools
and frothy delivof themselves.”
ery. Whatever it is,
We want Borah
the announcements
to produce a proseem more like play
gram worth our attime than anything
tention and time.
else.
We need look
Senior Challis
no further than
Popkey, who anCapital to see an
chored as Mario, said
example of how
that often students
stellar high school
“tune out” the anannouncements can
nouncements. She
be. Adviser of 10
said the purpose of
years Rob Parsons
the announcements
said that the award
is to inform stuwinning program
dents, but “at some
is “run like a busipoint people just get
ness.” This business
bored watching.”
entails an environHowever,
the
ment like a TV stamorning broadcast
tion, and producing
Illustration by Chris Lawson various videos for
can sour for viewers
when the actual news
the community.
is buried under wigs and mustaches.
Capital students in Video Production II rotate
Junior Steven Rupp found the Mario Brothers through different sets of responsibilities: produc“distracting.” Rupp added, “I get nothing out of ing, anchoring, and creating the two sports shows,
it.”
among others. If Borah were to emulate Capital
Senior Mary Shake, who anchored as Luigi, stat- in its use of rotations, we would have fresh aned that the announcements are intended to spread chors, and students in the class would end up better
the news, but said that her purpose “is to make rounded.
people laugh.” Of the Mario Brothers edition, she
But better broadcasting days—in the announcestated, “If I offended anyone, that wasn’t my goal.” ment department at least—are not only the responShake then reiterated that her intent was to bring sibility of our broadcasting class, but of everyone
“the little bit of entertainment we get.”
who submits an announcement. The announceVideo broadcasting adviser and business teacher ments are limited to five minutes; condensed subBrad Baumberger said that he receives mixed feed- missions would be beneficial to all involved.
back on the morning announcements. “Some of
If the announcements want our attention, they
them like them because they’re entertained; some need to earn it through more than pageantry. What
don’t because they think they’re unprofessional.”
we would find most captivating is a concise, well put
Currently the announcements seem polarized in together broadcast, because we know that’s what
favor of entertainment, despite recent blazer-sport- Borah video broadcasting is capable of giving us.

7

“Strong Interest” test
results justify cost, even
if students don’t like them
By Mike Bingham

Recently, seniors were given a survey known as
the “Strong Interest Inventory.” The survey asked
questions about students’ interests, opinions, and
preferences. Based on the data, outbound graduates were matched to potential jobs and careers.
Interesting enough, but are these tests really worth
Borah’s time and money?
Some students have complained about their
results, claiming to have been matched with careers they would never consider. They were confused at not having gotten the jobs that they were
expecting. In some people’s minds, the tests are
a pointless expense because they provide unhelpful information, and the time and money could be
used better elsewhere.
But it’s possible that these people are missing
the point. The Strong survey has plenty of pros
to outweigh the cons. While it’s true that the district pays over $13,000 to distribute them to students, it only comes out to around $7 per person.
Compared to the almost $100 that it would cost
to take the survey at a career counseling center,
it’s definitely a good deal. Students, in fact, take
an entire period to answer the questions and don’t
have to pay a cent, so they’re the ones benefitting
the most.
The problems with the results are actually the
cause of an ignorant misconception. The tests
run students’ answers against answers from professionals in various trades. If a student’s results
correspond to an undesirable job--car-salesman,
for example--it doesn’t mean the student lacks the
skill necessary for the profession they had hoped
to get, and it definitely doesn’t mean that they’re
qualified for the profession they tested for. It simply means that their interests match the interests
of people who hold jobs in the areas the student
received on their results.
And honestly, if a student is deliberately trying to match up with their dream profession, then
they’re not taking the survey correctly. They’re
the ones wasting the district’s resources, rather
than the other way around.
The Strong Interest Inventory is really more
of a matchmaking service, rather than a skills
evaluation, and if more people understood that,
then perhaps they’d see it as a more worthwhile
endeavor.

AboutBor

8 The borah senator

Bumper stickers express the many
personalities in the Borah parking lot
By Felicia Dawn

Walking around Borah’s parking
lots before school, lunch, and even after school, one may recognize the many use them as a way to express thembumper stickers on fellow students’ selves, even as a promotion for larger
cars.
companies such as Boise Weekly and
the Record Exchange.
“The funniest bumper sticker I’ve
ever seen was ‘My kid can beat up your
The rules require a permit, license
and registration to park on campus, but
there aren’t any specific rules on the
type of stickers on a car.
“I don’t mind them at all as long as Honor student,’” stated Student Rethey aren’t offensive or derogative to- source Officer Steve Kincheloe.
wards a specific group of people,” statIronically,
the
ed Assistant Principal
only rule regarding
Quane Kenyon.
bumper stickers is
People who prefer
vulgarity, which is not
bumper stickers on
allowed on a vehicle,
their cars normally
unless it isn’t visible.

However, some stickers around
campus might be considered
stretching the rules.
For example, the most unique
stickers that are around campus
are ‘I got pierced at Imperial’, ‘Record
Exchange’, ‘Mr. Zogs original Sex Wax:
the best for your stick’, ‘I’m a Liberal,
it’s okay if you’re not!’ ,‘We Won the
Science Fair’, ‘Patagonia organic’, and
‘Buy hemp ‘n’ let the trees grow’.

“In my opinion, I like bumper
stickers that are comedic, more than
the ones that attack other people’s opinions,” said Kincheloe.
Students who have bumper stickers like to have meaning behind them,
for example, some of them are vegetarians who support all natural things, and

Club t-shirts turn heads

others just like to show their support of
their favorite bands or sports. Students’
opinions, other unique humor, and inspirational quotes can also be found.
“I think people put organic bumper
stickers on their cars for attention. That
way they let
the people
know behind them
that they
can prove
something
they may
not
be, Photos by Katie Helm
and be like
‘Hey, I’m organic,” stated sophomore
Stephen Winter.
“They unlock the key to
awesomeness,” Key club’s adviser Jayne Davis stated about
Key Club’s 2009-10 shirts.
They were a team effort and
were voted on with an almost
unanimous result.

By Summer Galindo

Club T-shirts have become something of a tradition. Each one is unique and has its
own theme, according to club mottos and goals. Clubs have shirts made each year including German, French, Key Club, Student Council and the Rowdies. However, some
clubs produce their own.
The Rowdies also had a scheme
planned. The attire was formed by
the “fourfathers”: seniors Sydney Porter, Bryce Johnson, Katie Moden, and
Eddie Charters. It was a group effort
and Johnson drew the final product.

French Club’s group effort was the
backbone of their shirts. Each member
added his or her own personal “doodle” to the design, said adviser Isabelle
Hope. “They turned out perfect!”
Photos by Katie Helm

German Club’s
design was developed by junior
Katharine
Breithaupt. The shirt
shows the German
flag’s colors as well
as the quote, “with
the heart of a lion,”
written in German.

This year, ACE Club’s design
included tie-dye, which each person
created themselves during a club
meeting. The idea came from junior
Kelsey Wonacott and was then voted
on by the class.
Student Council’s t-shirts were also different from the rest. Senior, Matthew Fouts, came
up with the idea for the arrangement and design that has long sleeves, which makes them
“special,” Fouts said.

rah.com

Volume 50 Issue Iii December 16, 2009

Looking closer at a teacher’s desk

9

By Megan Mizuta

Photos by Megan Mizuta

AP language and senior English
teacher Chuck McHenry is known
amongst his students for not only his
frequent witticisms, but for his eclectic
classroom décor. McHenry described
his room to one of his AP language
classes as channeling a “grandfather’s
den.” Contained even within the small
desk space is a sampling representative
of the rest of the classroom.
The javelina has been
housed
in
M c H e n r y ’s
room,
just
above
his
desk, for five
or six years.
McHenry
acquired it
from Steve
Tipping’s biology room.
McHenry
said that he
originally “wanted this sweet Turkey
Vulture, but it was spoken for.” He then
settled for the javelina instead, having
seen them run wild in his southwest
childhood home.

McHenry
became the owner
of these Edward
Scissorhand-like
shears after being
entrusted with them
by a former Borah
librarian.

“I’ve had a mug the last couple of
years that some seniors had made for
me that suggested I’m a -- and I’m
paraphrasing here -- “cranky teacher who hates everybody,” which, of
course, is patently untrue. I thought a
change was in order this year, so I went
with a polarized version of the cranky
teacher image; and I think that’s Tinkerbell. True, she’s sort of a prankster,
but a benevolent one, I think. Plus, it’s
just harder to get angry with your students when you’re holding a pink coffee
mug with a Disney fairy on it.”

New this year are the neon signs
taped to the front of McHenry’s metal
desk. McHenry said they were created
by “Some kid with too much spare time
and too many highlighters...”

This bust of Earnest
Hemingway
serves as a bookend
for several volumes
of
Shakespeare,
among others.

the Hillcrest Library’s weekly teen programs with a Manga night on Dec. 22,
and a “special events” night on Dec. 29,
according to the public libraries web
site.
Get athleticism on at the
YMCA and the
Front Climbing
club. The YMCA
offers
Teen
Nights the first
and fourth night
of every month.
Enjoy bouldering on plastic rocks any
day at the Front Climbing Club on
Chinden.

Then there are the people who simply have an objective to avoid people.
“[I plan on] not seeing a single teenager,” said English teacher Stefan de
Vries.
Students like sophomore Caytlin
Green choose to go “hooky bobbing,”
an activity in which a rope is tied to
the back of a car and the participant
slides on his/her feet on snowy streets;
but these days most slide on a sled.
“I’ll go shred some pow,” said junior Jake Busche. In other words, he
will go to a ski resort to snowboard.
When all else fails, it’s time to go up to
a ski hill to do what many think snow
is meant for.

Winter break allows for alternative activities
By Megan Harrigfeld

Charters about how his winter-break
days were going to be taken up.
Two days until winter break, and
Junior Jordan Taylor also plans to
anticipation is rising.
spend his vacation hunting. However,
Winter break has virtually arrived f a i r - w e a t h e r
and students will have a break from hunters, such
tests, labs, and socializing. How to oc- as junior Soncupy 336 hours can become a bit of ny
Hobdey,
a trial.
plans to just
Although
snowboarding/skiing hang out with
and going out of town are obvious op- friends
and
tions for taking up the winter days that avoid the late
are blank with no school, Boise offers hunting season
a plethora of activities when there’s chill.
nothing good on TV.
Events around the valley are boom“Goose hunting, lots and lots of ing due to the season as well. City ligoose hunting,” said senior Eddy braries are hosting events, including

“[I plan on] not seeing a
single teenager,”
-- Stefan de Vries
English Teacher

10

Life

Volume 50 Issue 3 DECEMBER 16, 2009

260 less chances to get swine flu
By Megan Harrigfeld

Last Thursday, Borah did its part to cooperate
with the government’s pandemic flu plan, making
H1N1 vaccinations available to all students and
faculty in the new gym free of charge.
“It’s important to get immunized,” said nurse
Barb Thomas.
H1N1, or the swine flu, has been very prevalent here, according to Thomas; she estimated 100
to 150 students have been infected with the virus
when it hit the hardest during and around Homecoming week.
Approximately 260 people got the immunization Dec. 10, but other students such as sophomore
Lauren Spengler got it before the vaccine was offered at school.
The number of immunizations was surprisingly
low, considering that the school blocked out more
then three class periods in anticipation that many
students would be eager to have more peace of
mind.
However, some didn’t even get the vaccination
by choice. Seniors Tyler Castor and Carrington
O’ Leary report their parents are the people that

pushed them to get the vaccination.
There are, on the other hand,
students that simply choose to
be healthy, such as seniors Bryce
Johnson and Challis Popkey.
Although the virus has seemingly gone down, medical professionals are saying that the
virus will come back in the near
future.
“[The virus] seems to be affecting younger people in a more
serious way,” said Central District Health worker Sonja Redden. Commenting that the virus
is very contagious, she strongly
urges people to get it.
Photo by Katie Corp
“It lingers longer in the air,”
Sophomore Mason Bilger gets the facts straight about H1N1 from
she added, “all it takes to get it is
nurse Barb Thomas.
for someone [infected] to sneeze.”
Since the vaccination has been available, it has regardless of health condition.
only been an option to certain, high-risk groups of
The next point of dispensing for the vaccine will
people. Now that it is more accessible, the vaccina- be this Monday from 3:00 - 7:00 p.m. at the former
tion is open to all people ages six months to 65 years Comp USA store.

Coffee is the
new cup of tea

Photo by Katie Corp

By Katie Corp

“Black Gold, Texas Tea.”
Just as the Beverly Hillbilly’s
struck it rich with oil, some
of
Borah’s enterprising business students are finding value in selling their own black
gold.
“Coffee is a gift from the
gods,” said health fanatic
Steve Tipping, a biology
teacher. One of Tipping’s famous lines is “[coffee] is good
in moderation.”
Senior Mary Shake agreed
with Tipping; “Don’t drink
too much, but once in a while
it’s ok.”
Shake is supervisor of the
Java Den’s 10 employees who
raise money for Distributive
Education Clubs of America
(DECA) and Business Professionals of America (BPA), two

campus clubs.
Shake said the Java Den is
“the best business experience
you can get in high school.”
According to Shake and
BPA adviser Brad Baumberger, this represents the most
profitable year in the Java
Den; 30 cups on average are
sold every day.
Before Baumberger began
teaching at Borah, he said
coffee sales were non-existent
due to lack of advertising.
The newly added mural,
painted by Borah ’09 graduate Emily Konkel, attracts
customers.
Why doesn’t the Student
Store sell coffee? The answer
is found in health laws.
Last year many non-nutritional food items such as Airhead candies, Pop-tarts and
sodas were sold on a regular
basis in the Student Store.

This year those items were
taken out because the health
department requires a certain percentage of food sold
in schools be nutritional.
Coffee can be sold in the
store now that such items
have been discontinued.
Baumberger and DECA
adviser Mark Bilger plan to
sell coffee for the first time in
the Student Store after winter break. “It is the perfect
time to start sales, when it is
cold,” said Baumberger.
He also said hot chocolate, cider and tea are available for healthier non-caffeinated alternatives.
Caffeinated tea is also
available. The coffee flavors
in the Java Den are Swiss
Mocha, French Vanilla and
another flavor that changes
periodically; currently the
choice is mint chocolate.

A&E

Volume 50 Issue iiI december 16, 2009

Remakes have become too cheesy
“I feel this generation loves the special
effects and that is
what pulls us in to
the most important
part, the story line.”
--Teacher
Micheal Gibbons

By Parker Simmons

Everybody these days loves special
effects. It’s what attracts so many adults
and kids of all ages. With movies such
as the re-make of “Star Trek” out, the
question is which is better, the original
version or the modern version?
Economics teacher Michael Gibbons said, “I really like the old version
because where they lack in special

effects they make up for in the story
line.”
If you’ve ever seen the new “Land
of the Lost” starring Will Ferrell, you
might say it’s really funny, but kind
of tacky. The old version far exceeds
all cheesiness imaginable. “As a kid,
it didn’t take much to impress me,
but now it’s so bad. How did I stand
watching that?” Gibbons said.
“Land of the Lost” is a combination of dinosaurs and aliens. The confusing mixture fascinated people of
that time and the special effects were
very advanced. However as times
change, past technology becomes obsolete.
The new version of “Land of the
Lost” is still corny, but not because of
the special effects. It’s the story line
that has been cheapened. The fact
that these strange alien creatures are
attacking the characters along with
massive dinosaurs is a bit of a head
scratcher.

(top right) Will Ferrell
in the 2009 release of
‘Land of the Lost’ has
a look of exaggerated
fear.

This may go to show that not only
are the special effects evolving, but
so are the storylines. Storylines from
years ago are no longer up to par with
modern storylines.
This raises the question, do viewers
watch movies for the special effects, or
the storyline? Senior Jared Wood said,
“Our generation is used to the advanced technology with action packed
films compared to past generations
who were used to story driven films.”

Gibbons however, doesn’t feel the
new generation lacks respect for the
story line. “I feel this generation loves
the special effects and that is what
pulls us in to the most important part,
the story line.”
The movie experience is ever
evolving. The next generation may
look back at movies these days and
laugh. It’s a strange thought but one
day we will be in Gibbons’ shoes asking ourselves, how did I watch that?

Sarah Evans concert

Country music show manages
to massacre holiday cheer

The original cast of ‘Star
Trek’

By Katie Helm

Photos from
Google images

YOUR

11

AD

HERE!

interested?
E-mail: senator_borah@
yahoo.com

Walking into Qwest Arena on Nov.
29, any person with a Sarah Evans
concert ticket was probably not expecting a horror show. For one thing, I
am not a country fan at all, but I kept
an open mind.
For another, only about 100 people
attended, and they were mostly the elderly and young children.
Evans finally bolts onto the stage
singing a glass-breaking high note.
The sound is about eight times louder
than it should be. I don’t know if it
was to compensate for all the old people’s hearing or just the lack of letting
the sane people stay sane.
After the third or fourth song, I re-

alized that she sounds just as bad in
person as on the radio. At this point, I
came to the decision that it was going
to be a long night filled with horrible
music.
Evans decided to break the concert into halves, one of just her hits
and the other of Christmas music. I
felt a sense of relief, since nobody can
ruin Christmas music. Well Evans was
able to.
Not only did she flatten Christmas
music, but also had the guts to impersonate Elvis. Once again she failed
miserably. All in all this was the worst
concert I have ever attended. The
best part of the whole show was the
10 minute intermission; pure quiet
bliss.

12

Q&A

Volume 50 Issue III December 16, 2009

What is your perception of Borah?

“Borah High School— land
of the lions— all I can say is
that it’s falling into a spiraling, self-destructive, shamble
of the original potential in
1959. Broken classrooms and
people are ignored, and the
collapsing infrastructure is
glided over. I don’t hate Borah, by all means I take it in
stride like most pension— it’s
just obviously clear that its
reputation is deluded into
Katharine Breithaupt, junior
grandeur presumptions.”
“I feel that Borah’s exterior does not reflect its interior. I feel that the
people at Borah are awesome, yet our facilities seem old and out of
date.” Spencer Nelson, junior

“When I think of Borah, I think of
stuck up people who never leave
their cliques; people who do not
accept outsiders, or those who are
different. I think of when I had
to fight to be able to take normal
classes. In the end, I can say Borah is an isolated ignorant island.”
Jessica Meyers, junior

Photos by Katie Corp
“I think that it is a very good
and all around respectable
school. The teachers are
great, the school is clean, and
the administration is helpful. Borah students have a
lot of pride and respect for
the school. We as a school
are a big part of the community. We also have some of
the most talented and bright
kids around. Borah is what it
always has been: a fantastic
Jeff Flaherty, junior
school.”
“Borah is a cool school, but would be better with a decent football
team. We’re not as ghetto as everyone thinks, either.” Savannah
Tjaden, sophomore
“I have no spirit in Borah. The
bathrooms stink and as far as I
know, Borah doesn’t even have
enough money to replace the
bathroom stall doors in the math
hall, which have been missing for
the past two years that I’ve been
here.” Dan Lackaff, junior

“Beautifully Original, Radiant, Awesome High School.” Melissa Lee, junior “My perception of Borah is like a car crash. You like to watch, but
not be in one.” Ryan Clark, senior
“As a student body, Borah has no school spirit.” Courtney Connor, senior
“You ever been in a place you don’t want to be, but you have to?
“Big, Original, Righteous, Accepting, Happy.” Roxanne Lewers, junior That’s how I feel about Borah.” Ryan Dodson, junior
“I think that Borah is perceived
by other schools as ghetto and the
poor school, but in reality Borah
is probably one of the best schools
out there. We have a great staff,
who, in my personal experience,
actually care about the students.
They’re always there to ask what’s
up or how things are going, and I
know that my teachers can always
tell when things aren’t ‘peachy.’
We also have a pretty decent sized student body, too, so the student to
teacher ratio isn’t as good as other schools, but the teachers still try. So
we may be ghetto and poor to other schools, but we do have one of the
best faculties possible. I’m glad to be known as a Borah lion.” Tawni
Beierlorzer, junior

“The diversity of Borah’s student
body creates a great environment
for students to develop cultural and
ethnic awareness and open-mindedness (which is of obvious importance). Also, the varying styles of
talent (whether athletic or non-athletic) displayed by the students of
Borah provide creative avenues for
all interests. Thus, the diversity of
Borah’s students and their talents
create a perception of high creativity and cultural diversity. I would
encourage everyone to come out to some extracurricular events and
support your lions.” Alex LaChance, teacher

For more responses, please visit pages 8 & 9.

People

Volume 50 Issue iII December 16, 2009

Counselor
retires after
36 years of
service

By Megan Harrigfeld

B

orah is losing a
hard-working academic
counselor at the end of
this semester. Counselor
Sylvia Johnson is retiring
in January to move on
to what she described as
peaceful, more relaxing
things.
Johnson has been in
education in the Boise School District for 36 years and a counselor here for 10.
Before her career as a school counselor, Johnson taught child development and
foods/nutrition classes here.
Working at the same place for so long leaves a lot of time for personal relationships to develop. She reports that she has made “a lot of good friends” in
her profession. “It just becomes part of your life,” she said.
This wasn’t, however, Johnson’s initial career plan. Exploring many angles
in college, from administration and counseling, to family consumer science, it
wasn’t until she began
student teaching that
she discovered her passion for it. Johnson said
she was shy and didn’t
know what to expect
from the experience.
Many of her colleagues mention what a
joy she is to be around.
Comments about her
sense of humor go on
and on. “We love Sylvia,” commented Counselor Dawn Tolan, “she’s
a wonderful lady with a
big heart.”
By Katie Corp
Johnson
remarked
that she isn’t worried at Counselor Sylvia Johnson learned that her passion is to
all about how she is going help students, parents and those involved in the school
to be spending her time community.
once retired. “I will just
do whatever I want,” said Johnson.
While involved in the district, Johnson has put in her fair share of involvement and accumulated achievements. She was involved with the first W.E.B.
Dinner, where her students cooked the meal. Johnson was also one of the first
people on the committee to start the high school Career Day here in Boise.
But Johnson hasn’t just been a part of events to benefit the students. One of
her other noteworthy career legacies is Parent Survival classes, in which parents
learned how to cope with troubled adolescents.
“Sylvia is a tremendous voice of reason,” noted counselor Cary Cada, “and
has been absolutely a treat to work with—I’m really going to miss working with
her.”
The new hire will have some warm, smiley shoes to fill.

13

Art teacher travels
to Middle East on
humanities grant
“They work so hard making things better,
while we wait to get something better given
to us.”--Jen Compton

By Zack Thomas

Each person and their own travel adventure offer its own bit of character,
and art teacher Jen Compton recently lived the character of Jordan.
“We got to do a lot of things,” she said. “We started out in Amman, a big
city of two million people.” While in the Middle East, she toured Roman ruins
and the largest mosque in the country.
After the capital city, they headed south through Karak and Petra. While in
Petra, Compton said she was very attracted to the art. “It had such value with
ancient culture in it,” she said. “It was the history of humans in art.” The art
contained three of the world’s largest religions within them.
Compton mentioned riding camels and having a tea ceremony and even a
traditional dinner with some Bedouin’s nomadic people. She made her way to
the Red Sea for a night and up North to the Dead Sea where she saw Jerusalem,
the West Bank, and Bethlehem. The group of educators selected by Project
Citizen spent one more night on the Jordan River where they visited the location of Jesus’ baptism and then returned to Amman.
“One of the main things I found fascinating was our cultural ignorance
about the area,” she said, “I think we only get little snippets and sound bites of
the area that don’t betray a round picture of things that are actually happening
there.”
She gained a closer look at how a Palestinian all girls school handles conflict.
She observed sophomores identify a school problem and work together to solve
it. “They spoke fluent Arabic and English,” she added. “They were also very
open minded.”
Such experiences gave her better awareness of this culture. For example,
water is trucked in or collected from rain. She observed how sparingly water is
rationed. “We don’t realize how lucky we have it,” she continued. “They work
so hard making things better, while we wait to get something better given to
us.”
She emphasized the hope the girls have even despite their personal and legal
struggles: They not only are refugees sponsored by the United Nations, but they
also have no legal status to earn citizenship.
“As far as my favorite day it would be Petra.” There she got to unravel some
history, but not only that. She also dug in to the art of the culture. “It was stunning; the desert landscapes and the incredible, huge, Mashhad with a mixture
of Egyptian, Greek, and Roman architecture carved out of the sandstones.”
Project Citizen sponsored Compton’s and other Idaho educators’ travel to
Jordan. Compton said the application was simple and, having been selected,
requires her to create a lesson plan. She plans to teach a unit on Islamic art.

Sports

14

Volume 50 Issue III december 16, 2009

No spots in weight class for regulars
Students not partaking in a school sport are trimmed from weightlifting classes

By Ayla Washam

Weightlifting class enrollment depends on numbers.
“We have to have guidelines,”
counselor Cary Cada said. The
weightlifting program at Borah tries
to accommodate regular students, but
athletes come first. Cada said that the
coaches are trying to be consistent
with the enrollment of the weightlifting class.
“You’ve got to work with the numbers,” physical education teacher and
football coach Chester Grey said. Depending on the year, 10 to 20 students
are denied enrollment in the weightlifting class. For sophomores, the class
is labeled Acc. Physical Education, for
juniors and seniors, it’s labeled Physical Fitness.
Some students’ schedules conflict
with the weightlifting class, but for
those who aren’t able to take the class

Photo by Katie Corp

The weightlifting room is open to anyone after school which these two students are
taking advantage of.

during school, and still want to lift, the
weight room is open after school.
“If I know you are an athlete and
you represent the school, you deserve
to be in the class,” Grey said. Grey explained that if a student isn’t involved
in a sport, it’s hard for him or her to
find motivation to work hard.

“Agility, cardiovascular,” Grey said,
“we hit all bases of fitness.” Grey emphasized that the class is not a stroll in
the park, but a class with high expectations.
Athletic Director Vince Mann said,
“The weight room is needed for athletes to keep them safe.” He explained

that athletes need to build their bodies
to protect their bodies.
Currently uninvolved in sports,
senior Alen Kuljancic said, “As long
as I’m trying out for a sport, I can be
in there.” Kuljancic is trying out for
track in the spring and is in fifth period weightlifting class, which had an
enrollment slightly lower than other
periods.
Lifetime Fitness is a class in which
regular students who don’t play sports
can work on fitness, including using
the weight room. Due to lack of interest and enrollment, the class was taken
off the schedule this year. Grey said
that the class was “off and on,” and
only with increased interest from the
students will it be offered again next
year. This class, if reinstated, could
cover the over enrollment. Grey and
Mann both agree that the system now
set in place is the one Borah should
stick with.

Road to the BCS

The Broncos are Fiesta Bowl bound for the second time
By Parker Simmons

Photo by Katie Corp

Senior Craig Spjute made the game
winning, buzzer beater shot to beat
Boise High 45-44. He finished the game
with 28 points leading Borah in scoring.

Boise State head football coach
Chris Peterson emphasized all year
that if the team takes care of what
they can control, he trusts the Bowl
Championship Series system to put
them into a bowl game. Now that
the Broncos are undefeated with an
overall regular season record of 130, and have another Western Athletic
Conference title, they are headed to
their second Fiesta Bowl appearance
in three years against Texas Christian
University (TCU).
It was a bit of a surprise to see the
BSU vs. TCU match up. It’s the first
time ever two non-BCS teams will
play each other in a BCS bowl game.
For some, it couldn’t get any better,
but for others, it’s less than ideal.
The most interesting thing about
the BSU vs. TCU match up is the fact

that the two teams played each other
one year ago in the Poinsettia Bowl.
It was a hard fought game that BSU
had every chance to win but fell just
short and lost 17-16. This is where
you find unhappy TCU fans. They see
it as they’ve already beat the Broncos,
and they want a powerhouse opponent so they can really prove themselves against a BCS conference team.
On the other hand, most Bronco fans
are happy to be in another BCS bowl
game, with a chance to avenge last
year’s devastating loss against TCU.
The last week of the regular season, week 14, was a wild one in college
football. An important game for BSU
was the match up between the University of Texas and the University of
Nebraska. Nebraska came in ranked
number 22 in the nation with Texas at
number three. When number two Alabama beat then number one ranked

Florida, all Texas had to do was win
the game and they would play in the
national championship.
However, Nebraska played an unbelievable game and both defenses
played great. The final score was 1312 as Texas won it on a last second,
game winning field goal. Had Nebraska won the game, BSU may have been
kicked out of the BCS and TCU could
have been considered for the national
championship game. Fortunately, that
didn’t happen and all is well for the
Broncos as they have their BCS bowl.
The BSU vs. TCU match up already is being talked up by some sports
analysts as the second best bowl game
this year, behind only the national
championship game. While some may
be calling it the “non-BCS” national
championship game, it is nevertheless
expected to be a great game between
two talented teams.

Volume 50 Issue iiI December 16, 2009

Sports

Wrestling benefits with a full roster
By Parker Simmons

With wrestling season underway, one of the
new exciting and promising aspects for success
is a full team, according to senior Josh Bundschuh. “We have a full roster for the first time
since I’ve been here and what that means is
that we have players that can fill in for players
out with injuries or any other reasons.”
Last year Bundschuh sat out much of the
season with a knee injury. This year however,
Bundschuh is looking to be a key element in
Borah’s success. “I’m looking forward to Tournament of Champions in Reno,” Bundschuh
said. Tournament of Champions (TOC) is a
nationally ranked tournament where wrestlers
from all over the country compete in front of
several college coaches from all around the
U.S.
Borah will be sending a select few from the
varsity squad to compete in the tournament.
Also competing in TOC is junior wrestler Patrick Evans. “I will be competing in Reno,” said
Evans. “It’s a tough tournament that I’ve competed in before.”

15

Last year Evans led the team in pins. “I
only placed sixth in state last year, but I led
the team in pins and that has given me an
edge this year, to break it.” The record Evans will be gunning for is 22 pins; first set by
Brad Price in 2005, and tied by Jake West
in 2006.
Evans entered this season with an optimistic and positive outlook. “I am wrestling
much more aggressively than I did at state
and, so far, I’ve only lost two matches this
year by one point,” said Evans.
The team’s lineup consists of three players returning from state tournament places.
Head coach Bill West said, “We want to
prove our stronger line up from top to bottom.”
Part of this entails “staying healthy, finishing with a winning record, and placing
at Tournament of Champions, along with
Photo By Katie Helm
a return visit to the state tournament,” said Borah Wrestler________130 weight class takes on Eagle in the first
match of the season. Borah comes out with a victory, the final score
Bundschuh.
According to West, “We need to build of the match was 58-18.
around the kids we have with experience.”

Track athletes get a step up
on their game with season
of indoor track practice
By Megan Mizuta

Senior Katie Moden practices
throwing at the indoor facility.

It may be December, and there may be snow on the
ground, but Borah track and field athletes are up and running, jumping, and throwing, and they’re doing it indoors.
The indoor track and field season is sponsored by the
Photos By Megan Mizuta
YMCA, and has attracted several Borah athletes, among
Coach Jeremy Doval gives Megan Suitts advice
them senior Erik Diehl. In his fourth season of indoor, Dieon throwing.
hl said “anytime I have the option to pole vault, I’ll take it,
because it’s my passion.”
The indoor season runs from late November to mid February, and houses its athletes at the Jacksons Indoor
Track Facility in Nampa. The facility accommodates a banked 200m track, as well as jumping pits and a shot
put and discus area.
Of running on the banked track, senior Carrington O’Leary said that it is “way different” and “actually
helps quite a bit.”
Participants, who number a little over 100 according to O’Leary, practice two hours on Tuesdays and
Thursdays at Jacksons Track.

16

FUN & Games

Spot the art!

Directions: Each row, column and block must have
numbers from 1 to 9 in them. No number can appear more
than once in any row, column, or block. When the entire
puzzle is filled, with all the rules above, then the puzzle is
solved. Level: Medium

By Felicia Arnold

Art is all around us at school, above and below. While walking around with
some friends, use these clues to help you find the following pieces.
* “Welcome” from around the world: 60
strides of greetings meet you each step as you
start the day.
* 2009 Senior Gift: Westward lion sleeps here
tonight; rests with Anne Frank.
* Colors of the Rainbow: find the pot of gold
on your way to math class.
* Coffee Drinker: Above Meet the caffeine
host of “The Den” entrance.
The following art pieces are in Jen Compton’s room 408: The longer you’re there,
the more interesting things you find.
* The Blue Tree: You figure it out.” Man or
God?” Up.
* Joe Brown ’05: Count every 4th grey tile in
the paint room and look up.
* Beautiful Songbird: Music notes will guide
you on your way to Kristin Chastain ’08.
* Octopus Below the Sea: Behind the cart
awaits the beast of 2010.
* Punk Teddy Bear: With his rebel attitude,
it’s hard to miss Chef the’07 bear.

Merry

a
m
a
R
By Mike Bingham

The holidays are a time of festivity
and merriment, but in this day and
age, political correctness is prevalent throughout society, and it’s hard
to throw an acceptable celebration
without offending some group or another. So this year, I’m going to help
you plan the perfect politically correct holiday party; something that’s
completely all-inclusive and non-offensive.
Throwing a PC party is easy. Say
you normally celebrate Christmas, for
example. You probably have a tree,
some lights, mistletoe, and a plastic
Santa or two already set up haphazardly around your house. These

!

as
m
s
an

w

-k
u
n
n
ha

Volume 50 Issue IIi December 16, 2009

you should carefully take down, and
place in a large pile in your backyard.
Then douse them with petrol and set
them on fire, as these symbols are affiliated primarily with Christmas and
will only serve to exclude anyone who
doesn’t celebrate it.
No holiday party is complete without food. However, remember that
gingerbread houses and fruitcake will
offend those of Non-Christian religions (fruitcake, in fact, will offend
everyone regardless) so you should
avoid these foods at all costs. Meats
and cheeses will offend vegetarians,
so it’s best to serve substitutes such as
tofu and non-dairy cheeses. Unfortunately, they’re about as appetizing as
stale cardboard, so no one’s actually
going to be eating them.

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The next part you need to plan is
the entertainment. Everyone will no
doubt have their own favorite way
of celebrating the holidays, and forgetting to include even one of them
might offend someone. Consequently,
you should only plan activities that everyone can enjoy, like sitting around
the table and occasionally coughing
politely.
Songs can be a source of wholesome entertainment during parties,
but since many traditional songs can
deeply offend those who don’t celebrate certain holidays, it can be tough
to find appropriate musical material.
Luckily, the pitches “B Flat” and “G”
are currently regarded as ethnically
neutral, and your guests should be
able to hum these two notes to their
hearts content.
The most important pieces of the
party are the guests. Obviously you
can’t leave out any of the world’s
many ethnicities, because that would
make you an inconsiderate, racist
bigot. You should also remember not

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to invite more of one group than another. No religion should outnumber
another, and there should be exactly
one woman for every man. Essentially, you should have an even number
of people from every race, every religion, and every gender in the entire
world. I’m not smart enough to work
out the exact numbers, but I’d say that
if your headcount hasn’t hit the sixfigure mark yet, you’ve probably left
someone out.
When everything’s prepared, you
can all gather around the table (a
round table, so no one’s excluded) for
the celebration. Everyone will enjoy
staring blankly at the disgusting food
while humming “B flat” and coughing
occasionally. It’s sure to be the greatest holiday party ever thrown.
Of course, your other option is simply to go about your normal preparations, celebrating your own holiday
while shamelessly excluding anyone
who doesn’t want to celebrate with
you. That’s what I’ll be doing, anyway. Merry Christmas!