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Saturday, February 18, 2017

The phrase “Hollywood is running out of ideas” gets bandied about quite
a bit these days. So many movies and television shows of yester-year are
getting remade for modern audiences. Sometimes there are ways that the original
storytelling could be improved; such as via advances in special effects. All
too many times, however, the studios are trying to cash in on a bigger payday.
Everyone wants a new blockbuster franchise to rake in the dough through ticket
sales and on-demand rentals. Let’s be serious, though. Franchise success means
moving a mountain of merch to the masses.

The thing is, some of these older movies are practically considered
sacred ground for fans – or even because of their significance at the time. It
might have been an iconic performance that was irreplaceable lightning in a
bottle, or it could have been because of groundbreaking work in the industry on
some level.

This week, I composed a list of movies that had me making this face
when I learned they were in development:

Immediately followed by this.

These projects are in various stages of development. Some have changed
hands along the way, affecting timelines, and others are just getting started.
Most of them are still missing key players, such as directors and cast. It’s
unclear how long any of these will take to actually hit the big (or small)
screen. These movies could just as easily get lost in development hell as
become completed features.

Following in our usual “Top 10” or “Top 20” fashion, I’ve listed them
for you in descending order. As we progress, we’ll get further from ‘eh that
might be ok’ and into the territory of ‘things that must not be done.’ What do
you think?

Entertainment Weekly broke the news of this reboot back in
August 2016. Producer Peter Block (Saw, The Devil's Rejects, House At The End
of The Street) has indicated that he has respect for the original film and he
doesn’t intend to give a verbatim remake.

“There is a similarity of theme and a similarity of story. There’s a
lot of Easter eggs for people who know the original — iconic shots and iconic
lines that we’re going to use. But we’ve enhanced the setting, and we’ve
expanded the characters somewhat, to give it a different kind of experience.” –
Block to EW

While special effects have progressed by monumental leaps and bounds
since this creepy monster first stalked the screen, this production looks to
keep grounded with practical effects. Block specified that “…everybody should
be able to look at [the creature] and say, ‘Oh, that’s Pumpkinhead!’ It’s not
like you’re all of a sudden going to find that it’s some amorphous, nebulous,
CGI wispy thing. You’re going to know it came from the Pumpkinhead family
lineage.”

With that being said, I’m not really all that upset that this classic
horror film is aiming to snag the attention of a new generation. I’m interested
to see what sort of updates they bring to the concept and if they can
successfully relaunch this franchise. It seems like the ‘powers that be’ have
some good intentions with this property. We’ll see how it turns out!

It seems that they’re aiming to get filming underway sometime this
year; though, there doesn’t seem to be a director or cast associated with the
project yet.

9 – Splash

Original Movie Release Year:
1984

Tag Line: She was the woman
of his dreams... she had large dark eyes, a beautiful smile and a great pair of
fins.

Deadline Hollywood ignited a flurry of activity when they
announced this film via an exclusive in August 2016. The moment I saw the
headline, I was also seeing red. After I actually did some reading on the
topic, I started changing my mind a little.

While the movie is going to keep the same premise and, it seems, title;
the rest of the details we know about this project flips the script. Rather
than a mermaid, the aquatic citizen out of water will be a merman played by Channing
Tatum (Step Up, White House Down, The Lego Movie). The human counterpart will
be played by Jillian Bell (22 Jump Street, Goosebumps, Office Christmas Party).
As of now, those are the only confirmed cast members. It’s said that there is a
possibility that this might actually be told from the perspective of the
‘mermaid,’ in following closer to the original treatment the first movie was
based on.

Considering Ron Howard (Willow, Apollo 13, In The Heart of The Sea)
directed the original hit movie, I feel it’s safe to say that he has the best
interests in mind for this film. Tatum is also set to be on the production
team.

At the time of this article, Tom Hanks (Captain Phillips, Bridge of
Spies, Sully) is not involved with this film. He was, in fact, surprised to
learn of it; and can be seen in a video of the Inferno (2016) premier red
carpet expressing his willingness to participate if tapped to do so. Howard has
a moment in the video as well. Hanks did jokingly add that if they wanted to
make a bold movie, they could bring him back as his original character to pair
off with Tatum’s new finned one.

The 1997 version of this movie wasn’t where the tale of Simon Templar
began. Before he was James Bond, Roger Moore (The Cannonball Run, The Quest,
The Magic Snowman) starred in the role of Templar in a television series based
on the books of Leslie Charteris (The Saint’s Vacation, The Saint Meets the
Tiger, Vendetta for the Saint).There’s
since been a made-for-tv movie featuring Eliza Dushku (Dollhouse, The
Scribbler, Eloise), which focused on one of the many stories of The Saint.
Moore was also involved with that production.

It’s unclear whether or not this reboot is going to revisit the story
from the 90s movie – there are quite a few they can choose from. That is one
nugget of information that brings to mind the possibility that Paramount is
looking to spin up a new franchise. There seems to be plenty of material to
draw from that would make it a feasible possibility – if this remake is
successful.

With director and cast still up in the air, it remains to be seen how
they’re actually handling this – and whether or not anyone should start the
table-flipping. I’m on the fence with this one. While I enjoyed the first
movie, I recognize it wasn’t the best piece of cinema ever made. There’s
decided room for improvement there. Is this something that’s going to be
interesting, though? I guess we’ll see.

7 – Private Benjamin

Original Movie Release Year:
1980

Tag Line: The army was no
laughing matter until Judy Benjamin joined it.

New line has been trying to get this remake off the ground for several
years now. In fact, the datelines for the last round of casting announcements
were back in 2014. There’s no telling if this movie will ever get off the
ground. I honestly hope it doesn’t.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not against remakes in general. It can be
quite enjoyable to see a new twist on an old story or bringing something from a
prior era into a more modern frame. This does not appear to be a movie that
would benefit from such. Regardless of the fact that women’s role in the
military has been shifting in a more inclusive direction since 1980.

I don’t think that the proposed premise is going to do this story’s
legacy any justice. It even seems a bit irreverent, in spite of attempts on
behalf of the production to reassure that they do not intend to make fun of our
military. The concept that’s been circulated thus far is of a “redneck” country
girl and a city girl joining the Marines. Really? The Marines??

I think Rebel Wilson (Pitch Perfect, How to Be Single, The Brothers
Grimsby) is great, but the roles that she tends to play don’t point me in any
direction where this film makes sense. I just don’t get it.

If this movie actually gets made, I have a feeling it’s going to piss a
good number of people off. In fact, Kate Hudson (Almost Famous, The Skeleton
Key, Deepwater Horizon) has already been vocal against this reproduction of her
mother’s movie. Access Hollywood ran an article
expressing her side of things in May of 2014. Goldie Hawn (Bird On A Wire,
Death Becomes Her, The First Wives Club) made some groundbreaking moves in the
industry when she wore as many hats as she did in making the original film.
Hawn hasn’t been cited in making any comments about this reboot.

I guess I’m just hoping that this one gets lost on the way to the
theater.

6 – Starman

Original Movie Release Year:
1984

Tag Line: In 1977 Voyager II
was launched into space, inviting all lifeforms in the universe to visit our planet. Get ready. Company's coming.

I haven’t looked up a firm number, but how many of John Carpenter’s
(The Thing, Big Trouble in Little China, The Ward) movies have been remade? I’ll
bet that it’s quite a few. I could sit here and ask the inevitably repeated
question of ‘why’ but that’s one of those universal questions that never really
gets a good answer. Maybe they’re seen as a challenge, and people want to try
and one-up him?

I get that this one was set in the 80s and that there’s room for all
sorts of special effects wizardry in updating it to a modern era – but does it
really need it? Jeff Bridges (Seabiscuit, Crazy Heart, True Grit) received
Oscar and Golden Globe nominations for his role in the original, along with
winning the Saturn Award for Best Actor. It was a compelling story.

All the same, The
Tracking Board broke the news in June of 2015 that this remake was in the
works with Sony Pictures. Things are still moving along, it seems. As of Variety’s
April 2016 article, more detail became available about other production staff. Michael
Douglas (Face/Off, The Rainmaker, The Sentinal) is set to join the production
team once more. Perhaps he might be able to help balance this “re-imagining” of
the tale.

Come on, though. Why are you messing with The Dude?!

With all the other pieces of the puzzle seemingly in place, however,
all that seems lacking is a cast (and whatever other behind-the-scenes hurdles
it has yet to jump through).

I’ll probably end up watching this out of sheer curiosity, but I’ll be
grumbling all the way to my seat.

This particular remake has been in the works for years, apparently, and
is still chugging its way towards reality. Empire
quoted producer Toby Jaffe (The Quick and the Dead, Prom Night, Total Recall)
as saying "The more expensive a film is, the harder it is now to make it
that violent…" when asked about the level of violence in the remake-to-be
in June 2012. I honestly don't see how a less violent film even works. Is this an indication of their budget size?

The original movie was an adaptation of Robert Heinlein’s (1907–1988)
book by the same name, though the direction the film took was heavy into the
realm of satire. This production team has a vision to pull back closer to the
original source material and be more “grounded.” Jaffe was also quoted saying “Working
in a visual-effects renaissance as we are, we have the ability to do so much
more now. We can do the Jump Suits [armoured exoskeletons from Heinlein’s
novel], for example, which I don’t think they could have done before.”

IndieWire
reported in January 2014 that screenwriter Zack Stentz (Terminator: The Sarah
Connor Chronicles, Thor, X-Men: First Class) had commented on Twitter that this
reboot would be along the lines of "An Officer & A Gentleman (1982) in
power armor."

The part of me that loves Sci-Fi movies is doing a little dance at the
prospect of seeing what they can do with the special effects, but the rest of
me is cringing at the thought of a stripped down movie with less violence and
without the satirical edge. Would you like to know more?

Many fans have already inundated social media with their dismay; taking
to twitter or other venues to express their expletive-riddled opinions on how
bad an idea they think the remake is. The
Wrap’s November 2016 article was kind enough to even capture screen shots
to share.

With this project lacking a director and cast, it may be a while yet
before it hits a screen near you. It doesn’t seem that the production team’s
enthusiasm has waned over time, unfortunately. I’ll probably end up watching it
– but from Netflix.

4 – Dune

Original Movie Release Year:
1984

Tag Line: You are about to
enter a world where the unexpected, the unknown, and the unbelievable meet.

The original movie might not have been perfect, but it was among sci-fi
groundbreakers. So many cinema projects for big and small screens alike have
been influenced by this work. Sure, David Lynch (Blue Velvet, Twin Peaks: Fire
Walk With Me, Lost Highway) is a little out there and his projects always have
something slightly askew about them – but that’s part of what draws people to
his work.

There was just something magical about gargantuan sandworms in the mix
with Sting (Julia and Julia, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, Lock Stock and
Two Smoking Barrels) and Patrick Stewart (Green Room, Christmas Eve, Blunt
Talk).

Let’s get real, though. With the advances in effects technology, and
the expansive and complicated universe the stories of Dune; there is a massive
trove of material to pull from for a whole franchise worth of production and
the means to make it spectacular – if handled correctly. There’s talk
of a TV series as well as a movie, though no details have yet been released
about that.Author of the Dune novels, Frank
Herbert(1920–1986), continues his Spice
legacy through his son, who has continued to write Dune stories in his father’s
footsteps.

It’s official that Arrival’s (2016) Denis Villeneuve (Prisoners, Enemy,
Sicario), has signed on with Legendary Pictures to direct here.

As this moves forward, I can only hope that this production team
elevates what has come before rather than just taking a modern cookie cutter to
the material.

If hearing about one of the previous potential remakes had me seeing red,
when I heard about this one I swear I had steam coming out of my ears.

I love Highlander. All of it. I love the sequels that missed the mark
and absolutely adored the TV series. I even subscribed to the Highlander
catalogue at one point and have the whole VHS set of the first season of the
series. My bonus prize for completing that collection was a wicked looking
display dagger with Celtic knotwork on the hilt.

Regardless of how they goofed things up with the franchise, they also
got a lot right and the concept itself is riveting. It sucks you in. I honestly
don’t know how they’re going to pull this off. Who in the world are they going
to get to play Connor MacLeod?

This project has been through the wringer in the past decade or so.
Names such as Dave Bautista (Riddick, Guardians of the Galaxy, Spectre) and
Ryan Reynolds (Safe House, Self/less, Deadpool) have been attached to the
project in one form or another and then have dropped out. Writers and directors
have come and gone.

I’ll give them one thing – this production team is a persistent lot.

In the last few weeks, an announcement was made. John Wick (2014)
director, Chad Stahelski (The Hunger Games, Hitman: Agent 47, The Brothers
Grimsby) has signed on for this remake.

I am resigned to the fact that this thing will probably happen. I was
absolutely disgusted with just the concept – until I read the Collider
article featuring an interview with the freshly minted director.

There is hope that this guy can get this right. If it absolutely is
going to happen, perhaps it’s fallen into the right hands. This isn’t just
going to be a single movie. They’re grooming the project to relaunch the entire
franchise, it seems. He claims it has little to do with money but is more in being
passionate about the story, itself.He’s
a fan – a big fan.

This excerpt from the interview with Stahelski gives a bit of a peek
through the lens he’s using to view the world of the Immortals: “I think the TV
series hit on a lot of great stuff wasn’t in the feature, between the watchers
and all the different types of immortals. How do we get this into a feature
mode before we dribble it into the TV world? Well, let’s restructure it in
parts, let’s look at it like it was a TV show, let’s look at it like it was a
high-end trilogy. How to we tell the story of the gathering the quickenings,
the immortals and how do we really build this world out even more so than the
original project. That’s what we’re restructuring right now. It’s taking all
the good stuff that we had before I was involved in the project from the
script; redeveloping the script to give us really good chapters one, two and
three; and expanding the world…”

So it looks like the script is back to the drawing boards. A cast
likely won’t be sought until that stage is complete. The article goes on to
explain how he connects to the music in the original property and his intention
to stay true to that going forward. I don’t want this guy to be winning me
over, but damnit he is.

These days Greg Berlanti (Life as We Know It, Haunted, Pan) is the King
Midas of the DC cinematic universe’s television branch. The shows he’s helming
as producer are golden. I love and watch most of them.

I just don’t understand why he would want to sign on to direct a
musical remake like this. Unfortunately, this is official. Deadline
Hollywood broke the story in December 2016.

No. Just No. Why? Is this what the world really needs right now?
Apparently the Warner Brothers studio thinks so.

I can’t even seem to come up with a good devil’s advocate pitch as to
why anyone should even give this a shot.

Before you start flipping tables, let me first share some good news.
This one is the only one on this list that isn’t really a remake.

In January 2016, reports of the Labyrinth “remake” started circulating
via articles published by the likes of Cinemablend
and The
Wrap. Of course, with the timing of these articles with the proximity of the
passing of the legendary David Bowie (Zoolander, The Prestige, August), social
media erupted in a storm of criticism.

I’ll be the first to admit that I fell for it, initially. After doing
some research into the project, however; I can assure you that no one intends
to try and remake that classic 80s movie. The production team has too much
reverence and respect for the original to attempt to desecrate its legacy in
that way.

Talks were underway to revisit the world of the original movie and
expand the story in a new visit as early as 2014, so it’s not something that’s
happened just recently. It most definitely wasn’t a studio grab for money to
capitalize on Bowie’s death.

So much backlash has apparently been lobbed in the project’s direction
that screenwriter Nicole Perlman (Marvel 75 Years: From Pulp to Pop!, Thor,
Guardians of the Galaxy) felt the need to take to twitter to set the record
straight. Screenrant’s
article was kind enough to post screen grabs of the key parts. The fact that
Perlman is respectful of the original movie is very heartening. One of her
tweets urged us all to not get sucked in by the false reports: “Guys, please
don't fall for all the clickbait. No one is remaking "Labyrinth."
That movie is perfect as it is.”

We don’t yet know exactly what will be entailed with this new movie,
but it’s safe to say that a sequel is a bit easier to accept than a reboot.

But I Digress... is a weekly column for trustthedice.com that
can't be pinned down to just one thing. It's Cat's celebration of
tangents, random references, and general fan geekdom that both
intertwines with, revolves around, and diverges from our movie-review
core. In homage to the beloved Brit comedians, we want to bring you
something completely different!