Who Cares Who My Kid Looks Like, Can We Talk About Something More Important Please?

Sigh. So it happened again. As a matter of fact, it’s happened at least five times in the past week and with each passing comment, my urge to bluntly respond with potential profanities grows more and more passionate.

“He looks like his brother!” “No…. he looks like his Daddy!” “He looks like his grandmother!” “He looks like his sister!” (which in my case is a half sister with a different Mom so you are saying he looks like his Dad right?) Not only can these comments grate at every last nerve you might have, but it begs to entertain the idea- why is this so important to discuss? Also, can we please fucking talk about something else?

The last time I checked, there were more pressing issues that could be discussed including… well anything- politics, net neutrality, homelessness, women’s rights, what I ate for dinner last night, holiday plans….

Who really knows who a scrunched up baby looks like anyway? To me, a baby resembles a little old woman or man that could be practically anyone or anything- A prune really. Don’t get me wrong- it’s a really cute prune but I am still incredibly irritated that we always have to somehow revert back to who that prune looks like the most.

Here are 5 reasons why one might choose to perseverate on who a baby resembles:

1. You have no interest in talking to me. Maybe you’re skirting around issues, or something else you are avoiding talking about and feel the need to concentrate once again on who my child looks like. I can tell you this much, as you mention it for the 5th time during our short visit, I can assure you I am thinking about a nice glass of wine and dessert because I too have already lost track of anything you are saying because I am now bored out of my mind.

2. You are hungover and can’t think of anything else to say. I get it- when you are a mushy brain pile the night after some hard partying with the friends you actually want to hang out with because I am just your “can’t go out anymore, strapped at home Mom friend,” you probably don’t have anything in common with me anymore anyway. You still annoy the shit out of me, however; because you are proving to me our time may not be worthwhile anyway.

3. You are competitive. Let’s face it- people see what they want to see. If it’s your Mom, family or friend making comparisons, more likely than not, they are going to see you in the child. It’s totally biased. Place several different people from several different sides of that genetic baby makeup together and you will have a mash up of stiff competition and 45 minutes to an hour of this excruciating conversation to stomach.

4. People can’t handle a real conversation. There are so many more important issues in the world right now. Not all are contentious in my opinion and not all equate to a debate or argument. Why are people so afraid to talk about something real but rather revert right back to who my child looks like the most? Dinner parties, holiday get togethers and other social events more than likely equate to staring at social media or breastfeeding my child for the 10th time in an evening just to avoid eye contact with anyone for fear of having to endure this conversation yet again.

5. You are simply trying to piss me off. I find often that Mom’s are minimized in this entire phenomenon of face recognition and this always intrigues me when discussing this with friends. Moms seem to be left out of the “You look like…” comments leading me to believe that you may talk about it just to rile me up. We are 50% of that gene pool too. Did I even have to say that? Yes, yes I did.

Regardless of your reasons for bringing up who my child might look like, I just want you to know that as you yet again bring it up for whatever reason, my mind will continue to take brief vacations to my favorite pub, perhaps my favorite previous illness story (Norovirus is more fun to think about really), or my future grocery shopping list because I became bored with this subject about 2 weeks after my kid was born.