Starting New

So I am writing this Blog to share what I am learning while going to college about the Family.
There are a million different types of families and we all have our joys, quirks, and fiascos, but I think there is enough commanalities that we can all learn from one another.
So I am on my quest to start fresh and find out "What is a family?", "Why we have them?", and "How we can be happy in them?" Because if you don't have family, what do you have?

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Last night I was out looking at Christmas lights in downtown Salt Lake the Temple square for the LDS church. You should definitely check them out.

I looked around and everyone surrounding me. Couples looked longingly into each others' eyes. Children were running around with trills of young laughter. Parents enjoyed seeing the splendor through new eyes of their children. Grandparents held hands of each other and beloved grand children. I realized a little bit more how amazing families are. While I didn't know anyone there, not their stories, dreams, or fears, each person there meant everything to their family. How incredible is the unit of family! We come in every shape and background, but we are one unit.
Some families might not feel very close or functional. I know I have definitely felt this was before. Then, I think about Christ's family. They were poor and homeless. They didn't have a tons of friends. There wasn't an extravagant party that year. They had the Lord and each other. I think that humble circumstances can bring families the closest.
So I'm going to try this year at Christmas to focus on my family relationships and not get too caught up in the lights.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

I just watched some cool parenting videos and I liked the examples they gave of good discipline for teens. They said it is important to start out with the least amount of discipline as possible.

1. Start with a Polite requesta. Kindly ask the teen to change behavior like "Hannah, would you please clean up this room today"

2. If your child still doesn't respond then say "I" statements a. Focus on the problem (this room is very messy)
b. Say how it makes you feel as a person (I feel frustrated)
c. Reason why you feel that way (because this room is still really messy and our family likes to have a clean home)

3. If there is still no change with the child then have a firm reminder
a. This is not a time for lecturing about anything- keep it short, respectful, and firm

I thought of how this relates with horses. A good horse rider will tell you that when you are trying to tell your horse to walk somewhere you start with the least amount of pressure. When you kick the horse with your shoe then you start only pushing enough to the horse's hair. If he still isn't responding then you push to put pressure to the skin. Then is he is still not moving you put pressure to the muscle (hard kick). I think this idea of the least amount of discipline is wise for teens because there is no reason to get upset or upset them more than is needed. We don't want them to feel attacked. We want them to act, not react.

Monday, November 21, 2011

I totally agree. I personally am not a fan of talk radio, but there are so many ways to feed and use the mind while being a stay at home mom! I don't know about you, but I look forward to the time when I can be reading and learning while being a stay at home mom. I can't wait to go to the library with my kids and learn about everything! I want to continue to explore and experience life to the fullest. My mom was always taking us on field trips to museums. I know this lifestyle will take my intentional effort and I will give it my full attention. I could see the temptation to get lost in T.V. shows and drama, but I do not do that now and will continue to fill me life with other avenues of growth. I love learning!
I also plan to be using my Master's degree by volunteer teaching marriage and family relations for the community and for LDS services in the evenings. I also am going to be really involved with volunteer work for in children's schools.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

I had no idea that there were so many other people that had a similar experience as me being the oldest child. Because my parents were both working I had to be a parent a lot of the time. I babysat my four younger siblings for hours after school, helped with housework daily, and even financially gave to my family. I didn't really mind then but I can look back and see that this caused trouble with my relationships with people in my family.
I was in an awkward limbo between being a parent and a child. My siblings needed my help for a lot of things in the absence of my parents but rejected the idea of me "bossing" them around or being to involved in their life. My parent also relied on me for a lot of things, but then they would randomly "put me in my place" that I wasn't the parent. This role that I took greatly effected my future relationships. People think of me all the time as being the "mother". I like to take care of people, but I don't like being such a mom in my relationships, especially with dating. I'm not sure how to get out of this pattern. Any ideas?

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Families will have Crisis. There is no question. How a family handles crisis is what is important. The biggest thing that we must do to handle crisis well as a family is to intentionally pull together and cooperate. This may seem simple but it can take a life time to learn how to CO- Operate. I think to learn this is a huge reason why we have families in the first place. We must learn to be able reach outside ourselves and help another.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Something really interesting that I learned and it makes a lot of sense is how men and women view intimacy differently. Men typically are physically intimate to feel more emotionally closer while woman are the opposite and need to feel emotionally secure in order to be fully physically intimate. This is awesome because this is makes it so as a couple you need to take care of your companion's needs before your own can be fulfilled. This can also cause problems because if a woman doesn't feel emotionally fulfilled (she might feel her husband holding back is selfish) then she might hold back physically and hence he won't give more emotionally. This is a common vicious cycle in a marriage.
There is more to it then sex with intimacy. How many peoples' marriages have emotional affairs? We need to be really careful of our relationships we have outside of our marriage. We need to have our independence, but many don't recognize the potential trouble of creating strong relationships with others outside of the marriage relationship. Innocent conversations sharing about your day, dreams, and feelings creates bonding. Also, spending a lot of time together creates that connection. What happens when you have had multiple experiences of this emotional intimacy? You start to think, "I must be in love." When in reality that bond just happened because of the experience, you aren't meant to be true loves. You have just had your thoughts and emotions validated and now are physically entertaining the idea. We need to be careful even with sharing a lot of our everyday experiences with others more than our spouse. If you tell everyone else about your life you'll be less likely to share with our spouse and miss out on that bonding. Is having a million relationships with many people worth losing out on the relationship with your spouse? I think you do need to have a full well-rounded life but I also think the priority for relationships should be with 1. God 2. Spouse 3. children

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Isn't it crazy how big wedding have gotten? I have been thinking about this a lot. When did a wedding go from decided to spend forever with each other in a sared union to a GIANT event to show off our money or decorating skills. seriously. What is it all really about? What happens after that wedding when the bills come and your spouse won't put the dishes away?
When we get married it should be about two people sacrificing their old life that was about them and now for another person. I love this quote by Bob Marley of how it should be: