We might think of boot camp,
with the parent as drill sergeant. A drill sergeant insists on
unquestioning obedience. He punishes autonomy. His purpose is to "break" the will, so he can reshape people according to an absolute standard.

He's
not a warm, fuzzy kind of guy, and he’s not going to inspire feelings
of intimacy. But when his system works, he can boast about one thing:
His recruits tend to obey.

Admittedly, the analogy is cartoonish. But is it far from the mark? Not by much.

How psychologists define the authoritarian parenting style

When psychologist Diane Baumrind first proposed her definition of authoritarian parenting, she cited the 18th century views of Puritan Susannah Wesley--not military training techniques. But the ideas were pretty much the same (Baumrind 1966).

According to Baumrind, authoritarian parents:

Don't encourage verbal give-and-take.

Are "obedience- and status-oriented, and expect their orders to be obeyed without question."

Tend to control their children through shaming, the withdrawal of love, or other punishments.

Don't usually attempt to explain the reasons for rules.

Other researchers have restated Baumrind's definition in terms of two factors:

1. Warmth, also known as "responsiveness." This quality is defined as "the extent to which parents intentionally foster individuality, self-regulation, and self-assertion by being attuned, supportive, and acquiescent to children’s special needs and demands" (Baumrind 1991).

2. Control, also known as "demandingness." This refers to "the claims parents make on children to become integrated into the family whole, by their maturity demands, supervision, disciplinary efforts and willingness to confront the child who disobeys" (Baumrind 1991).

Authoritative parents show high levels of warmth and control. Authoritarian parents how high levels of control, but only low levels of warmth.

Does the difference matter?

It seems to make an important difference to children. When parents take a harsh approach to control, their children are more likely to develop behavior problems in the future (Pinquart 2017). And overall, research suggests that the best-adjusted, best-behaved, most resourceful, and highest-achieving kids have authoritative parents -- not authoritarian ones.

Moreover, for some outcomes, children with authoritarian parents aren't just second to those raised in authoritative homes. They may also perform more poorly than kids with permissive parents -- caregivers who show warmth, but don't enforce rules (Calafat et al 2014).

In everyday life, all parents experience ups and downs, and changes of mood. They may behave differently depending on what stresses they feel, or what feedback they get from their children. And people can show warmth -- or withhold warmth -- in a variety of ways. Where exactly should we draw the line between authoritarian and authoritative parenting?

So let's take a look at how researchers do it.

What do psychologists look for when they rate a parent as authoritarian?

It's one thing to say that authoritarian parents exert lots of control and relatively little warmth. But what does this actually look like in the day-to-day world? And how do researchers decide that a parent's style is authoritarian?

To make judgments, researchers sometimes use direct observation.

For example, they might assign kids and parents a join task — like a puzzle to
solve—and watch to see how they interact. In one such study, investigators watched to see if parents showed approval, took over the
task, or made disapproving comments (Janssens and Deokovic 1997).

In these cases,
parents (or kids) are asked to rate with a four point scale ( 1= "almost never true", 4 = "almost always true") their agreement or
disagreement with statements about their family relationships.

For instance, parents are MORE likely to be identified as authoritarian if they strongly AGREE with statements like:

When I ask my child to do something, and he asks why, I say something
like "because I said so," or "because I want you to do it."

I punish my child by withholding expressions of affection

I explode in anger towards my child

I yell or shout when child misbehaves

Parents are LESS likely to be identified as authoritarian if they strongly AGREE with statements like:

I talk to my kids about our plans and I listen to what my children have to say

I try to help and comfort my child when he is upset

My child feels she can come to me when she has a problem

What about partial agreement—if, for example, you sometimes yell at your child when he misbehaves?

A parent's classification doesn't depend on one or two questions. It's your overall scores in two areas--warmth and control--that matters.

Typically, researchers look at the distribution of scores for their entire sample and set cutoffs for deciding who is authoritarian. For example, researchers often define a parent as "authoritarian" if her score for warmth falls in the lower third of the distribution and her score for control falls in the upper third of the distribution.

In other words, researchers often grade their questionnaires on a curve. The authoritarian parenting style is treated as a relative concept, and whether or not your parenting is classified as "authoritarian" will depend -- at least in part -- on the population you are compared with.

Other ways of being "authoritarian?"

As noted above, Baumrind's model of authoritarian parenting style was
based, in part, on the religious views of an 18th century Puritan. Does
this model fit all types of parents—even parents from non-Western
backgrounds?

Perhaps not.

The Baumrind definition suggests a rather distant, cold relationship between parent and child.

And
for European-Americans, that may be the case. One cross-cultural study
found that European-American kids who reported feeling less close to their parents were more likely to come from authoritarian homes (Chao 2000).

But in other populations, kids may interpret the authoritarian approach as a sign that adults care about them.

For
instance, a preschool teacher recounts how she scolded some
Haitian-American kids for crossing a parking lot without her. Then she
said, "I don’t want you to go alone. Why do I want you to wait for me,
do you know?"

"Yes," a child answered, "because you like us" (Ballenger 1992).

Something
similar may apply to traditional Chinese families. Psychologist Ruth
Chao has proposed a cultural variant of authoritarian parenting, chiao shun, which she translates as "training."

According to Chao, chaio shun emphasizes harmonious family relationships—not the domination of the child.

In
a study of Chinese immigrants to the United States, Chao found that
first-generation immigrants felt as close to their parents as did
European-Americans.

And for the immigrant kids there was no correlation between the authoritarian parenting style and relationship closeness. Kids who reported feeling less close to their parents were not more likely to have authoritarian parents (Chao 2000).

Such
research suggests that the authoritarian parenting style may have
different effects depending on the cultural context.

It also seems likely that the effects vary as a function of what kids perceive to be normal. If you live in a community where authoritarian parenting is rare, you might find it more disturbing if your parent takes an authoritarian approach with you. International research supports this idea (Lansford et al 2018).

But can we conclude
that authoritarian parenting is -- in some cultural settings -- the best parenting style ?

Caution is warranted. There is cross-cultural evidence suggesting
that kids--even kids living in Beijing, China--seem to be better off
when their parents are authoritative, not authoritarian. For the details, see my article about the
effects of the authoritarian parenting style on kids.