You are trapped on a desert island with the Spice Girls. Food and rum have run out. Which Spice Girl do you eat first?

The Ginger Spice

The Sporty Spice

The Tall Spice

The Relatively Posh Spice

The Baby Spice

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Chase me, ladies, I'm in the cavalry

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

PRESIDENT URIBE EXTRADITES HIS MILLIONTH COLOMBIAN

Uribe has extradited another 14 people on drug-trafficking charges, for a total of 1,000,004 drug traffickers extradited since he took office.

“I will not rest until I have extradited the entire Colombian population,” Uribe told a cheering crowd in Bogota.

Unfortunately, Colombians continue to be born faster than he can extradite them. And as long as the Colombian birth rate remains higher than the extradition rate, he'll never really make a dent in the problem, say experts.

I’ll tell you what. He'd better not try to extradite me. If he extradites me, I swear to God I’ll extradite him.

So anyway, some Americans tried to write “laissez-faire” on Starbucks gift cards, for some reason, but they couldn't because this violates company policy, for some other reason.

Why would anyone want to write laissez-faire on a Starbucks gift card? Why would anyone else want to stop them? Reading this I realised that I no more understand American culture than I understand the headhunting tribes of Borneo.

“I'm still hoping that it was all a computer glitch,” says a thinker from the Cato Institute, “and that some day my latte-drinking, non-tax-hiking friends will be able to get their very own customized Starbucks gift card with "Laissez Faire" emblazoned on it...”

I was wondering how I would explain any of this to a tribesman from Borneo, if he asked me, but the only explanation I can come up with is that they are all out of their fucking minds.

Michelle Malkin was so angry about it that she switched to coffee from Dunkin Donuts. “Dunkin’: Tastes good, cheaper, and good for national security. Drink up!”

If anyone can translate that into Sea Dayak, you win a year's supply of shrunken heads. (Entries in Land Dayak will not be accepted, due to company policy.)

I didn’t vote, but I strongly supported Johnsons on the grounds that the sooner London burns down or crumbles into the sea the better. I had always hoped that God or an asteroid would obliterate the place, but, given that they haven’t, Johnsons is the next best thing.