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Sunday, 10 February 2008

Keeping the orcs at bay

To the left, you can see a frightening picture of an elf that is in danger. On the instructions of the Archdiocese, I welcomed a chap last week to check over the Church and the Halls to make sure that the elves on our premises would not be subject to any unnecessary or avoidable danger. There have been rumours of lawsuits, insurance requirements and personal liability so I presume that Rivendell has become litigious in these dark times.

I haven't personally seen any orcs or uruk' hai around but I felt it was just as well that he give the place a thorough inspection. He was particularly concerned about our fire extinguishers, some of which need such a comprehensive service that it is cheaper to replace them. More about that later. Anyway, with all sort of equipment, he tested this, tapped that, and wrote things down on a clipboard to prepare a comprehensive report for me with various policies and procedures; this will arrive in a few weeks. After that, he has to come over every six months or so to keep things up to date. I was relieved when he told me that we were pretty good and, apart from a few recommendations that he would make, we passed quite well for ...... Elfin Safety.

The out of date fire extinguishers have all been replaced with brand new shiny ones all painted in the right colour. I therefore thought that I should find out just what happens when you let off a CO2 extinguisher. And good fun it was, too.

It struck me that the altar servers might well be our first line of defence in case of an attack from Mordor so I felt that if fire extinguishers played such a pivotal role in Elfin Safety, they should learn how to use them too. After much pleading and cajoling, they reluctantly agreed that if Father really wanted them to let off the fire extinguishers then they would do it, just to keep him happy.

BTW - handy tip from the Elfin Safety man: when letting off a CO2 extinguisher, don't hold the metal pipe or the horn. They get very cold and people have been known to end up with a fire extinguisher welded to their palm.