Sticks and stones break bones, but words hurt more

“Name the name, summon the named.” This Russian saying speaks particularly of the Devil. By saying his name, you draw attention to yourself, and he is more likely to visit you among the 7 billion people in this world. It is also useful when you are talking about someone and they randomly show up. When you name someone or something, it appears. Maybe it is not so much that it appears, but it draws your attention to it. Have you ever been tired or ill but not admitted it to yourself or anyone. You get to a place where you are okay with the way that you feel, which is fine, right up until someone says to you, “Gee, you look tired,” or “You look ill. Are you feeling okay?” Those questions are all it takes to shatter the illusion that you have crafted to face the world. You feel tired or ill immediately. The person who has made these observations has named the name and summoned it to your consciousness. Many of the ideas of magic are built around words. Having the right incantation and knowing the true name of someone or something gives the magic wielder power over that person or thing. Christopher Paolini’s Inheritance Cycle is built on the idea of controlling something with its true name. Natalie Whipple’s House of Ivy and Sorrow mentions the fact that giving someone a name in the presence of evil could put that person in danger. You have probably experienced the power of the name at a party or in a particularly deep sleep. At a party, the dull roar of people talking to each other makes it difficult to hear the person you are talking to, but when someone across the room says your name, you are immediately drawn to it. Many people will wake immediately when someone says their name, even if they would normally sleep through a 747 landing in their driveway. Looking back at the most painful experiences in my life, they were not when I broke my finger, had whiplash or was hit in the head with a tennis racket. Instead they were when I was told that my grandfather had died – a pain that was expected – when the love of my life decided that we needed to break up, when my best friend in 6th grade called me names because I was moving and we would never see each other again. It is the words that have left their lasting marks on my soul, and the soul is a harder place to heal than the skin. I can laugh about my physical scars. My sister and I have different versions of the tennis racket incident and why my eyebrow is a little crooked. I never actually felt the break in my finger. The whiplash put me down for several weeks, but I only remember the pain when I actually think about it. These physical pains haven’t shaped who I am or how I approach situations and people. It is the words that are involved in the emotional pains that have shaped me. I am fortunate enough to have been able to spend time with my grandfather before he died. He gave me his approval as the person I am. That is seared on my soul for my good. The break up has affected how I interact with women, and while I would like to believe I am over the pain of something that happened so long ago as 6th grade, I also know that it has affected how I have made friends. Negative emotions are five times stronger than positive ones, and it is words and their perception that lead to emotions. While there are plenty of folk tales to refute the assertion that sticks and stones may break bones but words will never hurt, we only have to look toward our own experiences to understand the lie that has been chanted to generations of children. Instead of insisting that physical pain is the only type of hurt, we need to recognize that emotional pain is just as hurtful and more scarring. Physical scars can become badges of honor that we show off to the world; emotional scars are invisible and harder to take pride in. We must all choose our words with care and love. Sticks and stones may break bones, but words do far more damage.