I feel really confused right now. I assume it is related to the bleeding that has been going on this evening ... pretty sure I had my period last weekend for a day or two .. and maybe the weekend before that. Grrrr.

Loved on a brand new baby today, spoiled a new mom, saw one of my closest friends, bought LO a Halloween costume at Once Upon A Child (first time in there!) so that hubby will quit bugging me about it, and cried for about an hour over the course of three hours in the car.

I get SAD. I don't understand it, but I feel helpless and hopeless. It sucks. Hubby has been so much nicer lately ... actually touches me on occasion now and played cribbage with me the other night ... but it still bugs me that he wants a list of what to do to make things better. I want him to get to know me well enough that he doesn't need a list. And I want him to do the things that were on the same list a year ago rather than waiting until I cry to try to make things better. This is so ridiculously stupid because I get in this downward spiral of feeling unlovable until I make myself truly not lovable. AND I'M CRYING AGAIN.

What a freakin day! My dh is pretty much clueless, my 14 year old daughter wants permission to have her first boyfriend (damn Homecoming dance), and my 13 year old daughter got a text message from some little girl threatening to fight her on Friday! Ohhhh, and lo and I were out shopping when I laid him on the seat in my car to change him. His pants were around his ankles and his butt was half wiped when a swarm of freakin bees tried to attack us.They were all in my car, I was holding a poopy half naked screaming baby and running around my car trying to open doors to get the bees out while trying to protect lo from being attacked by bees.