I am missing my Jennifer but at the same time, i hope she is doing really well at school. I am so proud of that girl.

Seabiscuit, I don't handle stress well either. I really don't. Nothing can break me faster than stress. That is partly why I stay out of relationships. I really don't go out of my way to look for anyone.

Hi firegirl - Sounds like you're having a lot of "fun" coordinating your surgery. I can imagine how much time it involves, especially being so far out of town. Definitely hoping it goes well, and I know what you mean about regaining some of the weight you worked so hard to lose. I find that confronting an expected weight gain (stress, bad habits, TOM) helps alleviate my depression. Of course, you'll be bummed out when you see the weight come back, but i would take relief knowing that you have a successful plan to lose it once you're done healing. I'm sure you've come to an awareness of your body where you know when you're stress eating and when you physically need to eat. Use that awareness as best you can while you're healing, and understand that the weight gain is necessary for the healing process. I'm confidant that you will lose the weight again. Be patient with you body, and remember that your 3FC support is always here for you

Hi seabiscuit - Def sounds like you have some stress going on, especially thinking about the ex-bf and having all the medical appointments last week. It sounds like the breakup was bittersweet but for the best; hopefully time will help your healing process. As far as the self-sabotage with overeating, I can certainly relate to that. In my experience, if feels good to push down feelings with food. It makes us feel like we're pushing down our emotions that we would rather not deal with (stress, discomfort, etc). That's been my experience with it, and it's very gratifying to overeat and make us look the way we feel - depressed, fat, etc. - like we "deserve it" or something. I think the underlying issue with self-sabotage is that we want to control how we feel, but its easier to feel more depressed (since sugar, salt, soda, etc. is physically comforting) than it is to change it with diet and exercise. The transition for eating poorly to eating clean, as we all know, produces some detoxing effects like sugar cravings, headaches, irritability - only to show a weight loss of 0.5-2 pounds at the end of the week! It take a lot of patience to break the habit of self-sabotage.

Here's what helped me:
1. Becoming aware of my actions - am I really hungry or am I stress eating? Even if I gave in, I at least acknowledged what I was doing. It always gets worse before it gets better, and now I find myself getting back on track more often than I fall off track.

2. Dealing with my stress. Blogging, posting on 3FC, whatever helps you get it out. I would post on 3FC, and when I felt like I was in a consistently bad mood, i would blog about it, so i could work out some specifics. If you keep it in, the toxin levels rise - let go of the bad feelings, and only accept positive/realistic things in your life.

3. Forgiving myself and starting new each day - it might sound hokey, but whatever works right?

Hope this helps I'll be happy to elaborate further if you like, just let me know.

I wish you all the best with your surgery and I really hope that things go well.

Ohiofreespirit-

Stress is rough, isn't it? I need to use my coping techniques more than I do now when stress strikes. Relationships are tough. During the most recent romantic relationship that I was in which was with my ex-boyfriend, I became so stressed out that I admitted myself voluntarily to a psych hospital. There is such a thing as crazy love, isn't there? Well perhaps I was into it.

I have been to Ohio, when I went years back it was because I was looking at colleges. I was seriously considering going to College of Wooster in Ohio and it seems like a very nice state. I am in PA now, not that far from Ohio.

Have a nice evening.

Coffeeshopgirl-

Thank you so much for your reply.

Yes, I agree that the breakup was bittersweet but for the best. It's kinda weird, I have held onto the photos I have of him and the things he gave me. A lot of things remind me of him which was hard at first but I am slowly accepting that that he is gone from my life and that being apart is best.

I thought I wanted another relationship with a guy as soon as things were over with him because I wanted 'to fill the void' that he left me with. I have been on dating websites and have received some messages, some of which I have replied to, others that I haven't because I don't know that I want romance in my life right now.

So the self-sabotaging aspect of weight loss, that is a really hard one for me. I was teased and sexually harassed as a teen, maybe part of me feels like I don't deserve happiness and to lose weight. That was an AHA, lightbulb moment there LOL. I have been overweight for so long that perhaps my identity has been re-created by my weight??? I want to lose the weight but perhaps I put it back on because I am scared of a lot of things, such as the attention from guys that I will get, being in a new shape and size, etc. The alternative of staying at this weight is creating a lot of unhappiness too.

I agree with a lot of what you wrote, coffeeshopgirl. Thanks for the insights.

Seabiscuit: I'm glad to hear the positive remarks about your break-up. I feel that it is healthy for us to look for the positive as much as we can and you realizing that it is for the best is healthy. I don't see anything wrong with missing someone that is no longer in our life. I'm sure there were good times and those memories should still make you smile from time to time. I self-sabatoged for many years during my first and miserable marriage. Food was my savior back then and that definitely wasn't healthy for me as I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. I'm glad you realize what your doing and you can make corrections to change that behavior. Remember that all men aren't alike and when you least expect it, Mr. Right will come into your life when you least expect it. That happened to me after my divorce. I was working many hours a week and a man was the last thing on my mind. Then an EMT partner of mine asked me to drink some Tequila with him one night and the rest is history! We had never cared for each other in fact we really got on each other's nerves, but when we started talking and loosened up a little with the tequila, we realized how much we really did have in common. We have never been separated since and life is truly grand.

Coffeeshopgirl: what a great post! You spoke so elequently and truthful and it really touched me. Thank you for your kind and caring words and thanks for the messages to the others as they touched me also. You are a very special person. Thank You for being who you are!

Ohiofreespirit: I know how you feel when your baby bird leaves the nest. i don't know how a mother bird does it every year. When each of my four kids left home, I felt like a part of me left too. It is good to see them making a life for themselves now though. It is a growing pain we have to go through. I can tell you though. They will always need you at times and will be back for the loving, comforting arms of mama. I am sure it is just as hard of an adjustment for her as it is for you. I'm sending big out to you during this difficult time.

DH and I had a great day together at the Farmer's Market. We sold out of almost everything we carried. The other farmers did just as well so it was a good day for everyone.

Thank you, Firegirl. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and I agree that looking for the positive is important. I, too, think that when I least expect it, it is possible that I may find Mr. Right or he may find me! The question in my mind is: What exactly do I want and not want in Mr. Right? I mean, I know basic traits that I would like and others that I want to stay away from but perhaps I set my standards a bit too high for what I want in a man?

Hello!! this is my first Sunday off in MONTHS so I can catch up on everyone. My crummy winter job is over as of yesterday I have 2 1/2 weeks off!!

seabiscuit - I'm sorry you had the one month anniv. of the breakup. I don't have any good advice, except I echo what you said, I think as long as you focus on traits that are important to you, and eliminate those who have traits you don't admire, then someone WILL filter through And regarding self-sabotage, jeez I do that too and WHY?? When it seems that all i want is to be smaller and trimmer, then find myself deliberately reaching for junky stuff..I don't know. We will keep muddling through

coffeeshopgirl - you have such thoughtful responses to us! How did your husband do with the interview? (or hasn't that happened yet?) And ug at hearing the water coming into your apartment, roof leak?? has landlord addressed that?

txgeekgirl - hey I hope that you can accept at least this small group as people who do care about you. Granted, we're not close geographically so we can't physically help you, but we do have empathy for anyone who is suffering and we do care

Moreta - I hope you've been getting some more sleep. Scary to hear of your PTSD haunting you, that is terrible. Was your therapist able to help with your last visit? Oh and did you ever hear back about the interview? I also have a therapy lamp, but I haven't even used it this season.

ohiofreespirit - Belated Happy Birthday and congrats on joining the YMCA. Have you started there yet? I completely support working out to the point where you are actively sweating and wishing like h*ll it was over I know that has helped me so much. I don't feel a rush from endorphins but I do know that it releases tension, it is so good for our cardio/vas system, and gives us endurance for each day And I envy your relationship with your daughter, sounds wonderful but I'm sorry you miss her

KawaiiCandie, how was the first day with the new teaching program? and I have a dumb question..do you speak Japanese, or do people (not your students) speak English as a second language and you don't have to? Oh and I FEEL your anxiety about the dumb scale!! I took ours out to the garage for 2 weeks, that's all I could stand, then disovered I actually gained after trying to be 'good' for 2 weeks. ugh.

firegirl - your surgery date is coming up isn't it, what a difficult thing to schedule something like that in a city 4 hours away!! I hope like heck that you can continue your losing streak and not gain with your recuperation. So tell me about the Farmer's Market, you said you and DH sold out of everything? do you have produce available ALREADY??? We still have snow here!! ack!

Well I am SOOO happy at being done with the winter job, that was the one in the deli/bakery and it was so irritating with dumb people but even more so with the food temptations. Maybe I can get a grip on my mindless eating.

My summer job starts in about 3 weeks; that one I LOVE. I do the pastry baking for a private club that is deep in the woods and almost every day I commute on my motorcycle so that is 50 miles a day in beautiful Vermont countryside (when it finally warms up and greens up, that is) Now it might sound even worse for a dieter to be a pastry baker but somehow it's not that bad for me to have a handle on it during the summer. Maybe because I have the constant reminder of my leather chaps that I don't want to get tight.

Thanks seabiscuit, firegirl, and vermontmom - Glad to hear that you all appreciated my post Your responses to it made me smile. Thank you again

Firegirl - What do you and the DH sell at the farmer's market? (I can't wait for the farmer's markets to open up here in Michigan) Also, I really liked the story of how you and your DH met - thanks for sharing!

Seabiscuit - I know what you mean about wanting to fill a void right now with a relationship. There's nothing wrong with talking to new people - putting yourself back out there - but don't forget to take the time for yourself too. While you may feel lonely, you're on your way to getting back to rediscovering yourself - the things you love to do and what makes you happy. That will help you figure out what you want/need from another person.

VTMom - My husband had his interview on Friday, and it seemed to go well. They asked for some more writing samples, so we have a good feeling about it. (Still got my fingers crossed, lol.) As for the apartment, the landlord decided to do nothing (didn't even call us back!), so we're moving. In 2 weeks. Because they're awful and don't deserve our money any longer.

Which brings me to my update: We found a new apartment this weekend. Put down the money to hold the apartment, and we're just relieved to have found something. As far as weight loss, I'm blaming TOM for the extra 2 pounds, as I weighed in yesterday (at like 4pm) to get a reading of 184.2 lbs. I'm trying not to weigh myself every day, but after last week's poor eating habits, I needed some numerical accountability. I have a menu planned out for the week, which listed below. Funny thing is how neurotic I guess I need to be - last week we did food prep but my dinners didn't make it into their individual containers. Now, I'm pretty aware of my body and dietary needs, but this was surprising; the visual of not seeing my own little dinner in the fridge made me more lax and susceptible to temptation (i.e. eating Chinese and fast food last week). So, that's not happening this week - my dinners are going into the tupperware. Lol, it seems so silly, but whatever works right? I really hope I'll be able to report a weight that less than 182 next week.

It's great to here from you again Thank you for your kind words. I hope I someday find the right somebody for me or he finds me. For now though, I want to take some time for myself as coffeshopgirl was suggesting. I also may be moving in a few months and I don't want to get started into a serious relationship if I am going to be relocating. I still feel lonely at times, sigh.
I want to make more friends and get out there into my small little town to try to make new friends, but I guess I have some social anxiety too. The self-sabotaging is another ball of wax to deal with, if you have any insight, please pass it along!

That is so cool that you are in VT! I used to go skiing at Stratton and Bromley as a kid! I love those places! A relative of mine and his partner went to UVM, they actually met there and got married in Queechee this past summer. I went up there and saw some family up there for the wedding, it is beautiful up there!

Enjoy your time off! You are brave to ride a motorcycle!! Good for you for working with pastries too, I don't have the emotional strength to do that even though I did work at Haagen Dazs ice cream one summer, that was before my food issues developed.

Coffeeshopgirl- It's great to hear that you were smiling because of the posts, awe.

You have great advice! I need to remember that I need time for myself because I don't want to get swept away in another 'whirlwind romance,' that's how I described the last relationship that I was in. I think I will wait awhile until I get involved with someone but I do miss the companionship. I definitely don't miss the craziness.

Thank you both for your much appreciated advice!

Well, I am off to go for a walk, it is too beautiful of a day to stay inside! I have slept a lot of it away already

I'm sick today but I'm at the office...I know, I know, I'm a terrible person...but most of my coworkers have children and they are little vectors of disease, so it's not like they haven't spread cooties around either.

I feel like crap but I'd rather be here with something to distract me than at home. I hardly ever stay home when I'm sick because it's so boring. My job enables me to work from home but I rarely ever do because I can't stand the solitude and boredom.

Anyone ever feel that they're just marking time...running down the clock? I feel like I've been in a waiting room for the last 20 years.

Hey Ohio, that is a very challenging job and I hope you know that not many people can do that, you must be incredibly patient and loving, yay you! And so great to hear that your daughter is coming home from college very soon!

I had to google "industrial piercing" but I recognize it congrats! I felt like a wild n crazy woman getting my navel pierced at 43 yrs. old, lol!

Seabiscuit, yes Vermont IS beautiful, once it warms up and greens up! (SOON I HOPE). Queechee area is kewl, especially the Gorge. In winter I work in Stowe, which you probably recognize as "Ski Capital of the East" (self-proclaimed, lol) but our main source of customers in winter is skiers/boarders either on their way to the mountain or on their way off it.

I *think* I'm down a couple pounds, at least the scale showed 150 this morning, but I can have fluctuations of up to 4 pounds in 24 hours, so I need to just keep to the program!!

I'm ok today. I was a mess last night. My cat disappeared yesterday. After searching the whole house, I just started crying and couldn't stop. I finally went to lay down last night and before I did I put some wet food at the porch door and propped it open, hoping she would come in and come in the cat door on the porch. I was getting tired and about to fall asleep and the stupid cat jumps up on the bed. I was so relieved. I can't believe she got out. She never goes by the door and usually runs away when we open it. She's a very timid cat. There's a bunch of stuff in her fur from exploring the outside world, that i need to get out tonight when I get home from work. I'm just glad she came back.

In other news, I had to reschedule my therapy appt b/c we're going to the beach this weekend, and I can't get in until May 4th....The last time I saw her was March 16th. I'm glad I'm doing ok and not in desperate need for therapy.

I have been to Stowe too and I remember it was very nice there. I think I actually went up there in the summer as a kid but I can't recall. I did love Vermont when I when up there. I was getting a craving for that maple syrup candy the other day, YUM!

Ohiofreespirit-

That is awesome that you work with those who have developmental disabilities. We need more people like you!

How exciting about your daughter coming home soon too.

Moreta,

I am so glad that your cat returned home! That must have given you quite a scare but I am glad that everything ended up okay.

That sounds good that you don't need as much therapy, way to go!

As for me, I am okay but I have been very tired. So, it is 5:10 pm now in PA and I have been up maybe 4 hours total today! This is not unusual either of the last week. I saw a doctor at my new internist's group who gave me a script for blood work and I got it drawn. His office called me and said that my blood counts look better, yet I am still so fatigued!! My Mom questions as to whether or not this is Mono, I have had Mono twice. The doctor is supposed to call me soon, if/when he does, I will mention to him that I would like him to order a Mono test.

I am a little depressed because I gained back the weight that I lost but I am not really depressed, just a little blue. I don't think I am depressed enough for it to cause these symptoms.

Tomorrow I am going to a volunteer appreciation luncheon for the hospital where I volunteer and I am looking forward to it. My dress is a little tighter than before but it will be okay, I think.

I just feel a little down, but I don't think enough to cause this excessive fatigue.