The Sun reports that Ryanair’s Michael O’Leary would like to be able to provide in-flight web entertainment similar to the kind you get in a hotel room. Ryanair would provide an app you could use on an iPad or smartphone and, voilà! Gambling, gaming, movies— and “sex scenes!”

“I'm not talking about having it on screens on the back of seats for everyone to see. It would be on handheld devices,” O’Leary told The Sun.

So that would be two handheld devices you’d be working at once.

And that would seem like the problem. Porn isn’t really something you watch … it’s something you use. Like a shoehorn or a set of jumper cables, ya know? To get things going. You put it on planes and the lines for the bathroom are going to get ridiculous, especially if Ryanair makes good on its plan to remove two of the three bathrooms on its planes.

And besides, get in-flight porn and someone will eventually say “I have had it with these motherfucking trousersnakes on this motherfucking plane.” Nobody wants that.