Today’s post is a question I received from a reader about scars and how to overcome being concerned about what people will think. The advice I give is mostly focused towards keloids but is transferable so that you can adapt the advice to deal with any inner demons you have on your body image issues.

For those who don’t know, keloid scars are raised benign tumours caused by the body overproducing collagen to wound sites. On a normal wound, the majority of people’s bodies know when to stop putting collagen to a wound site to repair it. However, with people who have keloids, their bodies dont know and produce (what some see as) unsightly, red, itchy and painful lumps.

Reader:LS

Question: I just watched your interview with Patrick Chase and you mentioned you had keloid scares. I also have keloid scares and had inner game issues as to whether women would accept me. Glad to hear you have overcome some of this. How did women deal with your keloids? Have you been able to meet high quality women? Thanks, LS

My Answer: Hey LS, Yes, I have keloid scars, some on my hips, back, shoulder and arms. They can’t be hidden and unsightly. I am white and have keloids so you can imagine how few girls know what they are as keloids tend to be mostly on african carribean men. I haven’t met a girl who is put off by them if I’m honest. A few have asked what they are but just wanted to know. One went to a chemist to ask if there was anything I could take for them!

Only shallow girls really had a problem. A friends girlfriend commented on them but she was young and insecure.

Women will accept you. However, that is not a good way to look at it. You don’t need to be accepted – you are a great guy who has a lot to offer and is a valuable high quality guy. You should look at it like you are the buyer, not the women. Women should have to earn your interest. You only deserve the best. Why pick someone who judges you on a physical attribute rather than who you are as a person?!

There are a lot of women who may comment but why waste your time on them. More women will love you, fancy you and want to sleep with you, keloids and all. I can’t hide my scars nor get anymore treatment for them but I have accepted them. I see them as my own personal tattoos that noone else can EVER have. Anyone can get the same tattoo as another, no one will ever have the same keloids as you! Be proud of that uniqueness!

You can either let things beat you or you can embrace them and let them enhance and better you by what they teach and develop within yourself. Learn to be at peace with yourself and women will love you as they sense your confidence and manliness. Stop thinking of what you have to offer a woman. Look at who you are as a person and how you can better yourself – go to the gym, learn a new language, buy clothes etc, whatever change you like and always look to improve. By adapting and developing yourself, you will become a happier, more confident person who is happy with himself inside and out and girls will be drawn to and attracted to that.

It takes time but it can happen mate. Feel free to chat about this with me more.

I would just like to take this opportunity to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and very best wishes for 2014.

This year has been great for me. I’ve had my downs like everyone else as well but I’ve achieved many things I would never have imagined I could have when the first few seconds of this year started ticking. I hope that you can say the same.

We have a lot of major interviews, thorough product reviews and articles coming in what remains this year and throughout 2014.

As this is a time for family, this will be the last article until Christmas. Please take the time to review how your year has gone. Look at what worked, what didn’t and what you’d like to achieve for next year. This will allow you to make a plan of action for next year. Then eat a lot of lovely, sugary foods, drink and enjoy the festives with family.

Why should I care what he has to say: Bobby runs the hughly successful website ‘TSB Mag’. The site is the leading men’s website for dating and lifestyle advice. TSB Magazine is one of the most popular in the world for guys looking to improve their “game” with women. And even features a free 31 Days to Better Game challenge. Bobby has been helping men learn how to flirt, attract women, and improve their overall social life for the past six years. And is known for his ability to help shy or boring guys create more fun, playful, and flirtatious conversations with women. You can learn more about him at www.makesmalltalksexy.com. Plus he lets me publish guest posts on his site, so he is a very smart man! 🙂

WHAT DID BOBBY HAVE TO SAY?

NLG: Can you please tell us a little about yourself, your journey from average dude to running a hugely successful website? Can you tell me about how you got into the dating/pick up community – what made you want to get a handle on your dating life?

BR: I’ve been a lifetime consumer of “self help” books, business books, et . And studying dating advice was a natural fit for me. God knows I needed to learn it. My problem was I was always too “shy” around women (and people in general) and the average self help book never really dealt with this issue. Sure it gave basic advice on being more confident. But it wasn’t until I stumbled on dating advice that I actually realized there are people out who can show me how to do this better. As for starting TSB it was just an extension of my personality. I love learning, growing, socializing… and to be able to create a communicate of like minded guys all looking to better themselves was an ideal project for me to start.

NLG: And what do you think it is to be a proper man nowadays?

BR: Being a man is 100% about personal responsibility. No guy on a white horse in gonna ride in and save you. If you want something… its your job to MAKE IT HAPPEN. The information is there. There are countless articles, books, youtube videos teaching how to do anything you could possibly want to do. So in this day and age you have no excuses. And the sooner a guy realizes this the better.

NLG: A great tip for anyone wanting to change. Can you explain what picking up women taught about yourself, social interaction and life in general? How do you think you have changed since you started pick up?

BR: It grew my confidence by leaps and bounds. Its funny because you take it for granted once you have it. I often look at my girlfriend or at some of the other girls ive dating over the past few years and I think “damn, my high school self would be shocked and proud.”

And I look at the lifestyle I live in terms of my career and financial independence and think “damn my college self would be shocked.”

NLG: Your site is awesome and I’ve got some brilliant girls using some of the advice I got from it. What do you consider your best videos/articles for a newbie?

NLG: With regards to social interaction, what tips have you learnt that are successful but counter-intutive?

BR: I learned the hard way with girls that the stuff they “say” they want is never usually what they want. Twice I sent flowers to a girl at work. And both times it ended badly.

One of the most counter-intuitive things is when a woman starts losing interest in you. Most guys think if she’s losing interest they have to try to win her backby being more available or gaming her more. WRONG. When a girl starts losing interest the best way to get her back is to appear that YOUR LOSING INTEREST. Yep. As long as a girl thinks you’ll ‘be there’ if she changes her mind- she’s likely to leave. But if she senses that you might not be there, her fear of loss kicks in…and suddenly she wants you back

NLG: A great tip! Your site has a immense readership but imagine if you were to talk to all of mankind at once, what would you say (feel free to plug a product here) – what motivation or telling off would you say?

BR: I’m going to go a little simple here:

Two things:

1. You got to believe. Yep. Whether its believing that you CAN get that hot girl. Or believing that you can start a successful business. You MUST believe that its possible. If there is even the slightest element of doubt you’ll give up before you reach the finish line

2. You got to really want it. Yep. You can’t just think it would be nice to have- you have to want it so badly that you’re willing to burn all avenues of retreat. If you don’t want it that badly- you wont get it. Whether its success with women or in business- you need to have a burning desire for success.

NLG: That’s something that took me a while to learn. However, on your site, you have a great series called ‘Awesome Men Throughout History’ where you show great men throughout time for readers to aspire to be like. Who do you look to for role models and inspiration in your own life?

BR: I try to look for self made men. Men with a vision. I read a lot of biographies. And try to take inspiration from all of them.

NLG: You’ve made some great products over the year. Where do you find your creativity from and what advice would you give anybody who wants to create their own products for sale on their website?

BR: Wants.

Only create product that fulfill what people really want. ‘Conversation Escalation’ is still hugely successful three years after its release because guys WANT badly to learn what to say to a girl. Too many guys create program because they think the product is ‘new’ or ‘cool’ or guys will ike it. But if guys aren’t out there in desperate need of what you’re selling- more than likely it will fail.

NLG: Your website has exploded in popularity over the last few years. What advice would you give to any new bloggers who want to improve their websites?

BR: Focus on builiding an email list. Too many bloggers (myself included when i started) don’t realize how important it is to build up an email list of guys who like their stuff. Guys will forget to go back to your site unless you remind them its there.

NLG: Speaking of tips, what 3 tips would you give to the average frustrated guy to get good with women as quickly as possible?

BR: Focus on three things in every conversation:

1. Have fun with her. Yep. More than anything else, make the interaction fun. If she’s not having fun her attention will wander and nothing else you do will be nearly as effective.

2. Create a connection with her. Show her that you see her as a unique woman. Notice things about how she acts. Tell her things about herself.

LISTEN to what she’s saying. People are STARVED to be listened to.

3. Create a sexual response. DO NOT hide the fact that you’re sexually attracted to her. As long as she’s having fun and feels a connection to you can be very forward with your sexual intent.

NLG: Thanks for speaking to me Bobby! For more great tips on how to build an awesome life with girls you want, check out Bobby’s site, using the links below.