We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don’t like?
Jean Cocturan

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said, ‘No, Six should be enough.
Les Dawson

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir … mighty scarce.
Mark Twain

People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who
haven’t what they want that they don’t want it.
Ogden Nash

I didn’t fall. The floor just needed a hug.

Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.
Unknown

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first. And, whatever you hit, call it the target.
Ashleigh Brilliant

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.
E. DeGeners

They’ve finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.
Milton Berle

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
Jim Davis

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, “Who Should we notify in case of an accident?” He mulls it over and then writes, “Anybody in sight!”
Milton Berle