If I were just your average 23-year-old girl and I called the police to say that there were strange men sleeping on my lawn and following me to Starbucks, they would leap into action. But because I am a famous person, well, sorry, ma’am, there’s nothing we can do. It makes no sense.

But before things got too diva, Jennifer managed to go on a 20-minute monologue about sponges and then talked about making fart jokes with Bradley Cooper and that time she got her hair cut on a cruise. God bless her.