There’s a famous old quote: Find what you love and let it kill you. In part five of Burgers I’ve Burgled, you can see a man actually put the saying into practice.

I’m not a smart man, but I know what regret is. Looking at your bank account post-food-coma. A moment where you wonder how many times Mum has to pay your rent before you blah blah blah. Welcome back to my very public funeral. Where, for some reason you people return to watch me sink ever closer to the greasy, greasy grave.

First off, let me say I have no idea what the fuck happened here.

I know it was on the Gold Coast. (Which, incidentally, is a lot dodgier than I remember, but it served up this marvellous plate of God help us.) Thank you Betty’s Burgers for the memories I can’t remember. I remember it was good. But the rest is a sunburnt blur.

Second, a slight departure from the normal course, but one dire morning this number saved my life, with a songgggg. Nah, I was mortally hungover, but I climbed out of the pit by the way of this here “freakshake” from @thedepot

Contents:

Banana

Waffle

Freakshake

Coma,

Hey, Macarena.

And finally, my torturer/bae-in-chief Bar Luca, with this cretinous ball of wonderfulness, the Avoranch:

What’s in it:

Wagyu pattie

Streaky bacon

Red cheddar

Crumbed Avocado

Ranch Aioli

Jalapeños

Pickles

Waffle aside, the Luca rocks many a superb special, but that is way way up there. I thank you, my Colon, does not.