Cat sitting for my friend’s mom

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We hooked up just before Christmas and I thought he was so attractive. I masturbated to his facebook pictures once or twice. We didn’t have sex, though, and more recently he had been badgering me to meet up with him, but I had been busy. We met off tinder, I went over to his house in the middle of the night and we made out and got naked in bed, but I shut down every attempt at sex. Still not sure why.

I’d just said goodbye to a guy I had dated for 6 months not very seriously (but I’m pretty sure he thought I was being monogamous when I wasn’t) but had feelings for and was feeling sad. I was leaving to go to do my fieldwork for two years so it had to end.

I messaged him saying I was alone in my friend’s mum’s house looking after her cats and eating chinese food. He joked about joining me, but I told him to. We both had to get up early the next day (me at 5.30am) but he still came over. I drank a few glasses of wine and felt nervous.

He ate some of my Chinese leftovers, and while they heated up we made out and he grabbed my ass a few times. I liked that.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? He started kissing me as soon as he finished the food. It tasted like prawns. It wasn’t ideal but I didn’t care. I straddled him on the sofa and he buried his face in my breasts. He liked them a lot, I remembered that, especially my nipple piercing. He’s the only lover I’ve had who has told me how much they like it.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He took my top and bra off and we kissed heavily, I was moaning in his ear. Suddenly he rolled me over and knelt on the floor do go down on me. I was surprised he was so into it, and it was certainly zealous. I wasn’t really close – boys these days seem to think sucking the clitoris is nice? why? – but I was enjoying it. Then he asked me to sit on his face, and we 69ed for a while. Again, I’m fairly indifferent to this. I don’t love having my ass in someone’s face, but I like that he liked it. I can’t ever focus on what I’m doing when it happens.

Then he got a condom and fucked me from behind. I made a lot of noise. I liked it. He came quickly, and apologised. I watched him have a cigarette, we chatted for a while, then I straddled him again and we fucked like that. He tried to fuck me from behind while I stayed in the same position but it didn’t really work. Then he fucked me again from behind, but it wasn’t as good as the first time. He went down on me again, and I stopped him to kiss him, and told him I liked tasting myself on him. He liked that. Then I went down on him while he stood in front of me, and deep throated him. He liked that. He held my hair and my head, which I like. He came all over me when I told him to, then went to get kitchen towel to clean it up. That was sweet.

He wanted to go home pretty soon after that. It must have been 4am and I told him I had to be up early. I was a bit surprised he was off so quickly. Maybe he was embarrassed he came quickly and only twice. I told him I wanted to fuck him again and he said 2 times was normal for men. I sniggered to myself. Not in my experience. I told him I wanted to fuck him again before I left, but we never managed to meet up. He left his work tshirt behind and I still sleep in it.

Since then he’s texted to ask how I am, and he’s even replied. I was pleased to hear from him. We talked more when he was over, and we had stuff in common. I just remember thinking he was kind of…stupid. Simple maybe. He liked getting fucked up, and he wasn’t bothered about being or appearing any different than how he did. He was confident. That was nice.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I told him I might be coming back to London and we agreed we would hook up. Then we explored some ideas, I told him I wanted him to tie me up and do whatever he wanted with me. He was very excited by that, and expressed interest in anal too. He said it was exciting when the girl was dirtier, which is spurring me on a lot. Like I said, I don’t like him that much so I have no qualms about being entirely open sexually. Recently I decided there is no point in having sexual boundaries.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, IUD (Intrauterine device)

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Thought it was an important experience to have, Intoxication, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My roommate and best friend, but I told her it was at his house and not my friend’s mom’s. I didn’t want her to judge me for fucking two different guys in her house in the same day. I don’t think she would have, but still.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Immediacy. I really didn’t want to be alone and he came round quickly. He was complementary again, but less so.

We keep in touch and sext. That’s great because I don’t have anyone to have sex with now, and sex isn’t an option where I live.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? At one point I had to close my eyes because his sex face really grossed me out. Also only having sex twice. He was a bit cocky. Lol.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It helped me get over saying goodbye to the guy I had dated. I used sex to make myself feel desirable just after I felt like I had been rejected. The fact that I felt rejected by reaching the natural end of a casual relationship because I was moving away is problematic.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? My first truly successful booty call!

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I use it to feel desirable and therefore happy. I rely on male attention to feel good about myself and I wish I didn’t.