To be pissed off with my friend 're her wedding??

When she first announced she was getting married she said that no children other than relatives were coming. She agreed my DC could come as ex P works abroad and my parents and ex in laws are invited to the evening do.

Friend then asked DD to be a flower girl as her cousin wasn't able to come so her DD couldn't do. Friends DD and my DD do not get along so DD doesn't want to do it. She asked 2 weeks ago after her cousin dropping out and I told her the next day DD doesn't want to do it.

Friend has now uninvited (by text) my DC as a distant relative has contacted her to say they will be coming so they are taking DCs place.

aibu to be pissed off? Train hotel are all booked and paid for and quite a bit of expense. Mum has offered to miss out on the wedding at stay at home with them but we have also paid for a pet sitter who has a 4 week cancellation policy so that's more money I'll be burning.

how mean! Id say "oh I didnt realise it was acceptale to univite guests, but obviously its important to you tha your relatives attend. As you are aware I dont have childcare for dd so I will have to excuse myself from bridesmaid duties. Hope you have a wonderful day"

Tell her to shove it! She obviously knows you've paid out for a hotel and travel and that you haven't got anyone to have the dc.

shes got 2 flower girl dresses and wants them to match, and look cute etc so she was using your dd for that job. If she hadn't asked for her to be flower girl in the first place then she didn't really want her as one and she was only asked as a back up

She's being unreasonable but I have to say I would have talked DD round rather than just refusing for her. I've been a BM before when I don't like one of the other BM's - just smiled and got on with it because it was about the bride, not us.

'Dear friend, unfortunately this puts us in an awkward position since as you know I don't have childcare available and dd was invited because of this. We have made all the travel and hotel arrangements and have been looking forward to your wedding but if dd is 'uninvited' now then I must also decline to be with her. Enjoy your day.'

I think your dd needed to be bridesmaid, I wouldn't accept that just because you don't like someone you should miss out on a life experience. Having said that, she sounds very unkind and I'd be saying poke it.

I agree with the others. She asked your DD last minute to suit her plans, not because she wanted her involved.She relented on DD coming because you had no childcare, which would impact you becoming a BM.

She didn't actually want DD there and has dropped her like a steamy poo because DD had the audacity to refuse her. I wouldn't be friends with this person and wouldn't attend their wedding.

Another vote here for telling the bride that, as she knows, you have no childcare for dd so you will have to bow out too. Then have a fab time away with your dd, go see the sights, out for dinner etc and enjoy yourselves.

That is immature behaviour from the bride. Your dd declined so she is annoyed and pulls her invite! In your situation I think the pp idea of a response is the best. Pull out as you now have no childcare but as you have paid for everything I would go and find something else to do in the area. Have a nice break with your dc.

I'm another in the camp for declining invite but using the hotel and pet sitter to have some time with your dc.If the hotel is a big chain perhaps they will let you swap for a hotel booking for a different hotel that is close to something you can do with the kids? Or find something close enough to do with the kids x

'As you have uninvited my DD from your wedding 3 weeks before (I didn't even know it was possible to actually uninvite someone!?) as you know, I do not have childcare, I will therefore be unable to attend the wedding'

wow, I would send an email along the lines of the suggested email above. Be polite and wish her well on her wedding day but explained succinctly that you have paid for travel, hotels, pet sitting etc.. and that you will no longer attend the wedding.

Then I would go for the trip anyway and make it a special family trip

As for DD being persuaded to be a flower girl, it may have been nicer for her to do it but I don't think children should be forced into activities that they don't want to do, why do we think that's acceptable? I don't think being a flower girl is a particularly educational or empowering activity, although it would certainly give your DD an early introduction into the wedding industrial complex!

I actually can't believe your friend has done this, is she just plain thoughtless or self centred? Is she not able to think of the consequences, not just to the day but to your friendship? I wouldn't be playing bridesmaid now.