These are just a few of the excuses that many high-functioning alcoholics (HFAs) and even social drinkers may use when it comes to drinking heavily during the summertime, at 4th of July parties, weddings, cook-outs, sporting events, outside concerts and beach parties. In our culture "celebrations" are often intertwined with drinking alcohol. For normal drinkers this may not pose a problem, however for HFAs this may be a time when their drinking either stands out or they simply blend in with the crowd. Many HFAs report that any occasion can be an excuse to drink and that it is easy to blame their belligerence on the event. Because social drinkers may drink more than usual during these summertime festivities, HFAs may feel that they can "let go" and drink the way that they really want to drink without holding back. For those HFAs that typically may have tried to hide their drinking or drank privately at home before or after an event, this may be an opportunity to feel that they will fit in with these heavy drinking scenes. However, many HFAs still end up humiliating themselves drunk and may vow once again that they will never drink that much again. Those in denial of the HFAs problem may also blame the event or the "open bar" at the wedding as the reason the HFA drank too much. In fact, some feel that a wedding is not considered a quality wedding unless there is an open bar. The irony is that the more alcohol is served, the less that the guests focus on the event and the more "forgettable" the occasion becomes.

The question remains, why do so many people believe that alcohol enhances these types of events? The implication is that a special event such as a wedding is not enough in its own right- that alcohol will "make it better". In a sense, the presence of excessive drinking can take away from the meaning of the event and lead those in attendance to become more focused on when they can get their next drink instead of the reason that they are there. We live in a culture where "more" is better and what we have is never enough- alcohol fits into that philosophy perfectly. One social drinker I recently spoke with has observed that some guests at weddings she has attended are hoping that the ceremony will finish quickly so that they can get to the reception and start drinking. She went on to explain that alcohol seems to be present at most social occasions, in the summertime in particular, and that people often use it to break the ice socially or to enhance the concert, vacation, beach party, sporting event, etc.

In addition, we live in a technological age where computers and text messaging have become the norm in terms of communication. Therefore, it is concerning that when given the opportunity for face-to-face interactions, many avoid the discomfort of talking socially to someone whom they don't know by having a few drinks. Social events can be opportunities to connect with others, meet people, and to enjoy the moment, but when excesive drinking is placed in the equation those possibilities may be lost. The truth is that one way to gain confidence socially is to avoid drinking, sit with the discomfort and practice talking to a stranger. My point is not that people should never drink, but I am suggesting that individuals become mindful of the role that alcohol plays for them in their life and on these occassions. It is easy for some to fall into heavy drinking patterns and a reliance on alcohol in social settings, particularly during this time of year.

For those trying to cut back on their drinking or for sober alcoholics, the summertime and the many celebrations that accompany it can be triggers. Many sober HFAs will report that the warm weather, the outdoor bars, family gatherings, vacations, the beach, sporting events, etc. can bring back memories of "the good ole' days". However, the memory of HFAs is much like Teflon, all of the negative experiences seem to slide away and they are left with a romanticized version of their drinking days and a craving to drink again. As I discuss in my book "Understanding the High-Functioning Alcoholic", it is really important for sober HFAs to stay connected to their recovery program, attend therapy, ask for help and receive treatment for co-existing conditions (anxiety, depression, etc.). It is possible to re-program their association with these triggering occasions by replacing their drunken memories with new sober experiences. They will begin to gain confidence in their social skills and to realize that their sober life is abundant with enjoyment and meaning- but now they can actually be in the moment and fully remember it.

More information on the topic of high-functioning alcoholics is available in my new book release "Understanding the High-Functioning Alcoholic: Professional View and Personal Insights" by Praeger Publisers (www.highfunctioningalcoholic.com)

I was thinking the same and ironically your wrote about it too....can you read my mind? I think you can! But it is so frightening for me from two perspectives: (1) I lost a girlfriend through a drunk driver....but he was "functioning" fine when he left the party; (2) I go to a wedding and several 4th celebrations this weekend and what will happen? Peope will use the celebrations as excuses to drink...and some will get into their cars and drive...or attempt to....and I pray no one dies by their irresponsible behaviors. One other thought: Am I the only one who thinks it is immature to drink and get drunk? I asked some students recently and they thought I was "nuts" asking it. But it always meant to me, drinking, that is: hurt, horror, harm, harassment, humiliation, and heartache.

Any way, I am so grateful for all you do Sarah and for enlightening so many throughout the world. I admire you immensely.

I am not sure that I can read minds, even though I am a therapist :) You response represents the view of someone who's life has been negatively effected by alcohol abuse. You are able to see the dangers that are always present when people of all ages are engaging in heavy drinking. However, those with alcohol problems and alcoholics may know that they are taking risks when they drink heavily, but they are not able to absorb the true extend of the "hurt, horror, harm, harassment, humiliation, and heartache" that may result. I truly hope that this blog, the readers comments, and my book can increase awareness about problem drinkers and HFA's- hopefully leading some to moments of clarity to ask for help.

Thank you for raising the issue of HFAs. Although we have come far over the last decade in removing the stigma around alcoholism, there is still a great deal of shame and misconception about what an alcoholic is. For many, the term still conjures up images of dirty unshaven men shuffling around in tattered clothing clutching a paper bag covered bottle. We forget that there are plenty of alcoholics with jobs, mortgages, and families. The point you make so well is that alcoholism is an internal construct. It's a disease that impacts how a person processes alcohol and his or her emotions. It doesn't discriminate on race, gender, or socio-economic class.

I appreciate your comments and agree that there is still a stigma that surrounds alcoholism. However, it is through increased awareness and beginning a dialogue about high-functioning alcoholics that the stereotype of the "dirty unshaven men shuffling around int tattered clothing clutching a paper bag covered bottle" will start to change. As you said so well, alcoholism does NOT discriminate, and what it means to be alcoholic depends on what happens to you internally when you drink alcohol, not what you look like on the outside.

This is a horrible thing to say, but there is no such thing as a "meaningful" holiday anymore. And life in general and the people that make up this world are every reason to drink or numb yourself, however that may be, to just to survive another day and breathe

It sounds like drinking has been a solution for the way that you feel about life in general. The unfortunate truth about using alcohol to "numb yourself" is that when you sober up, you are left with the same problems that existed before (in addition to a hangover). Turning to alcohol as the solution compounds the issues going on in our lives- it is only a quick fix.

However, there is hope and if you would like to get help, see a therapist or attend a recovery program group near you, then please feel free to email me at sarah@highfunctioningalcoholic.com

Actually, drinking is not my solution, but it is not any different than anything else regardless of what route I choose to "numb" the realities of life. Fact is, sometimes no matter how much you truly want to "change" the path, being ever so diligent and committed to therapy, sometimes the change truly does not come. Perhaps the reality of what this world has to offer and where my place is has truly set in leaving me extremely tired and finding out that the "edge" is probably exactly where I should be.

Therapy is not necessarily going to change things in your life, but it can help you to perceive situations from a different perspective. I encourage you to continue on in therapy and to consider other forms of self-care such as getting regular sleep, exercise, relaxation, etc. If you are not feeling that your mood is improving and that you are on the "edge", it is important to articulate these thoughts to your therapist so that you can figure out the best treatment plan.

Great post. One of the greatest, if slow-to-develop, benefits of recovery for me has been the opportunity to learn more about my social tendencies and preferences, and to hone my skills according to that knowledge. I never gave myself the opportunity to learn such things early on, because I always drank at social events. Even though I rarely blacked out or caused any "incidents", etc, I still wasn't reaping the full benefits of social functions.

I've since learned that, as it turns out, I can be pretty outgoing without drinking, even at parties where there's alcohol (though I attend such functions less than I used to). I better remember the people I meet, have more intelligent conversations and make better impressions, I can process those little nuances that allow me to position myself such that I have the most fun (e.g. this person's a leech, must get away, or, I need to circulate more). Most importantly, I learned how to be patient in the moments I get uncomfortable (and I always do at some point), because it often passes. If it doesn't pass after a while, or if I honestly decide I'm just not having fun, I give myself license to leave.

In short, I'm not as "wild" as I used to be, but I can still let go, and I get a lot more out of social functions than I used to.

But I have to say Sarah, even in recovery, I am ALWAYS anxious for the ceremony to end and the cocktail hour to start, because a club soda with lime isn't nearly so boring as the same long, windy treatise on the sacredness of marriage for the umpteenth time --- blah, blah, blah, blah just say "I do" already!

I appreciate your support of my blog and for your topic suggestion. You have raised a complicated issue and I agree that it would be a great topic for a blog in the future. I would speak to the issue from a more general context by talking about the connection between co-existing conditions such as depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc. and alcoholism.