"Miss Manners's advice is to face the fact that you and your peers have outgrown the BYOB party. This is a collegiate and internship form, suitable for people who have not yet mastered adult housekeeping and whose finances are so close to the edge that they cannot wait for the costs of socializing to be shared through eventual reciprocation."

But like others have said - maybe it was a regional thing. I think what the OP was trying to get across is that it wasn't a BYOB party - that they just randomly showed up with wine.

Yeah, the fact that the submitter was shocked by their behavior shows that no one else brought alcohol, either because it was a non-drinking party or wasn't BYOB. I'd lean toward no other alcohol at the party because of the tone.

If the host specifies BYOB, then we bring our mini cooler, not one of those honking big coolers. If alot of people are coming, then most people bring their own lawn chairs, so the cooler is placed wherever we are sitting. The BBQ is usually in someone's back yard or in a park.

In the winter, the hosts usually provide a couple large coolers and other guests will bring their personal cooler (a smaller version) with their bevvies in it. In the case of wine or hard liquor, people don't touch it. It's just a given. If it's not yours, you don't touch it unless you ask.

Okay, I can see it now. It sounds like an unhosted party. I can see if everyone has their own coolers it would be weird to go in and take a drink you didn't bring.

The last bbq I went to is typical of the ones around here. It is at someone's house and people are inside and outside. Everyone usually brings beer and maybe some meat to grill. The beer is given to the hosts who put it in the refigerator or in a bucket of ice outside. The hosts usually provide mixed drinks and buy a few cases of beer themselves. Everyone shares equally. If the beer you brought is still there when the party is over the hosts keep it. It would be considered very strange to object to someone drinking a beer that you brought.

Yes, they are typically unhosted in terms of booze. The host may provide burgers and buns, everyone helps by bringing sides. Sort of like a potluck BBQ.

Not all parties are like this. I'm hosting Thanksgiving on Sunday and will be providing everything - pre-dinner cocktails, wine with dinner etc. But casual bbqs are most always BYOB.

The only BYOB etiquette from MM that came close was her opinion that nobody above the starving college student age should ever have a BYOB party, that once you are an adult, you have outgrown that phase of your life and shouldn't have BYOB parties, not acceptable etiquette-wise.

The money dance issue doesn't even come close to BYOB. For one thing, no one is asking for money. In fact, assuming you can help yourself to someone else's booze is pretty entitled. People are just bringing their own booze, expecting to drink what they bring and that no one else help themselves without asking. It's general consideration and social circle-centric. Guess my circle is pretty immature, according to your 'synopsis' of MM. I still stand by my statement that this is just your 'opinion'. If you feel entitled enough to help yourself to someone else's booze, why not just help yourself to what's on their dinner plate too.

Number one, I don't see why kingsrings should be yelled at, snarked at, or otherwise held accountable for what she found Miss Manners said. She's just the messenger. Nowhere did I see her say that was her exact opinion as well.

Number two, I think there's a little bit of a misunderstanding. I can see why someone going into your own personal cooler would be completely rude. Most of us aren't familiar with that kind of party (from what's been commented on) and while we can and appear to have accepted that it can be done that way, the fact remains that it wasn't by any account the type of party that was originally reported.

Number three, this is NOT about a BYOB party!!!!! This is about people who brought wine and glasses to a party when they apparently weren't expected to bring them. While we can't be sure, I think it's incredibly insulting to the submitter to assume too far in the other direction and automatically start reading into it that she had a bone to pick. I have yet to see any convincing argument or reason to believe that this wasn't what the submitter believed it was.

Sorry if you think my response was snarky, but nowhere in my post did I yell. I responded to the same tone I received in that post and prior posts from KR about our parties being BYOB.

This thread may not be about a BYOB party, however, it has been a topic of discussion and naturally evolved into the topic of BYOB.

Blurgle

I think if it's that important to someone to get to drink their particular drink, they should consider staying home to drink in peace.

Being in a group can mean compromises. I take things I like to drink if I go to a BYO party, and I present them to the hostess or throw them into the communal pool, pouring myself a drink as I do so. If later I see I don't like anything left, the partygoers having downed my drinks, I just make do or go without (despite my tongue-in-cheek name here, I can go without alcohol). I can always have a drink at home if I need to.

I'm a frightful beer snob, and I'll go without rather than drink bad beer. That doesn't mean I consider any beer I bring to an event to be my personal property which no one else may touch. If I felt that possessive about it, I should stay home with it.

Ah. So you don't have much sympathy for people with allergies, or those with religious requirements?

If you go to something where you have to bring your own food, or meat, you wouldn't think that everyone else gets to eat what you bring would you?

The way I handle bringing beer or wine to a BYOB is to bring a little more than I need. That way, if a need arises to share, or I just want to share, I can--but it is still totally up to me-- and I take the leftover "B" home.

If you go to something where you have to bring your own food, or meat, you wouldn't think that everyone else gets to eat what you bring would you?

The way I handle bringing beer or wine to a BYOB is to bring a little more than I need. That way, if a need arises to share, or I just want to share, I can--but it is still totally up to me-- and I take the leftover "B" home.

Wow! We should declare a national holiday!! Ckimoo and I agree with each other!!! lol

If you go to something where you have to bring your own food, or meat, you wouldn't think that everyone else gets to eat what you bring would you?

The way I handle bringing beer or wine to a BYOB is to bring a little more than I need. That way, if a need arises to share, or I just want to share, I can--but it is still totally up to me-- and I take the leftover "B" home.

Wow! We should declare a national holiday!! Ckimoo and I agree with each other!!! lol

If you go to something where you have to bring your own food, or meat, you wouldn't think that everyone else gets to eat what you bring would you?

The way I handle bringing beer or wine to a BYOB is to bring a little more than I need. That way, if a need arises to share, or I just want to share, I can--but it is still totally up to me-- and I take the leftover "B" home.

Wow! We should declare a national holiday!! Ckimoo and I agree with each other!!! lol

Monday is a federal holiday...

Then Tuesday should be Sparksals and Ckimoo agree with each other day.

If you go to something where you have to bring your own food, or meat, you wouldn't think that everyone else gets to eat what you bring would you?

The way I handle bringing beer or wine to a BYOB is to bring a little more than I need. That way, if a need arises to share, or I just want to share, I can--but it is still totally up to me-- and I take the leftover "B" home.

Wow! We should declare a national holiday!! Ckimoo and I agree with each other!!! lol

Monday is a federal holiday...

Then Tuesday should be Sparksals and Ckimoo agree with each other day.

If you go to something where you have to bring your own food, or meat, you wouldn't think that everyone else gets to eat what you bring would you?

The way I handle bringing beer or wine to a BYOB is to bring a little more than I need. That way, if a need arises to share, or I just want to share, I can--but it is still totally up to me-- and I take the leftover "B" home.

Wow! We should declare a national holiday!! Ckimoo and I agree with each other!!! lol

Monday is a federal holiday...

Then Tuesday should be Sparksals and Ckimoo agree with each other day.

Agreed! Oh! Did it again!

If you two keep on like this, we all get a month off!

Edited to fix stoopid quotes

Logged

ConsistencyIt's only a virtue if you're not a screwup - Demotivators(R)

I'm in college, and I work in childcare... EVERY party I go to here is at least partially unhosted, ranging from all food provided, just BYOB, to potluck, to meeting up in restaraunts and everyone paying their own bill. BUT, the kind of party it is, is always indicated. I know whether I need to bring a dish, a drink, or money. Also, even if it all is in one cooler, all booze belongs to the person who brought it, though sharing is NOT uncommon.

As for the story, I bet it wasn't a BYOB party, thus the rudeness. I also wonder if the hosts drink alcohol? My best friend's mom doesn't allow alcohol in her house, and she has had at least one guest who REPEATEDLY brought alcohol to her house (her husband's coworker), though that was several years ago now.