Probably not what you think.

Yes, we all have the stereotypical picture of a woman who cheats, you only have to look around the room at a party or event. Watch out for the woman who possessively places her hand on her partner’s arm. “He’s mine!” she’s saying. “Watch it lady.”

Now, I’ll bet you a pound to a penny that that kind of woman is never your wife. Much as that woman is attractive, you’re pretty relieved that she isn’t yours.

You like that your wife is much more in tune with other women, the sort who is always available to help out, her friends out in the hour of need, the school run, at work, with familyand even at home, yes she is utterly non-threatening.

The woman who has an affair is suffering. She is unhappy first and foremost with herself, though she doesn’t realize it. It manifests as follows seeking reassurance, love and a sense of worth from the outside world and most certainly from you as a husband.

She has been questioning the truth for a while now — she may have been sharing with you how unhappy she is, questioning whether your partnership is a solid one.

But he does — he lets her talk, and she feels good about herself. He pays attention to her, validates her feelings and emotions. Do you know what that feels like? Pretty special. She feels pretty special.

It isn’t that she wants to sleep with him, she doesn’t want have an affair — but she does want to feel listened to — but, oh how attractive is the person who gives us what we most crave most.

She didn’t mean to have an affair, she doesn’t love this guy — but he was so kind and loving, and he listened. He made her feel like she mattered, he didn’t tell that it’s all in her head, that it’s her fault.

He made her feel less lonely and more validated, showed interest in her emotions and now she feels like she should repay his kindness.

Suddenly, she is an adulteress and no idea how to get out of it. This is her worst nightmare, and whichever way she turns, she will hurt someone. A people pleaser can’t bear to hurt anyone. She would rather live in their own misery for three lifetimes than hurt you… any of you.

So what can you do to help your wife and rebuild your marriage?

Well, if you’re the great guy she thought you were when you got married, you can help her love herself. Step out of those destructive patterns that leave her feeling worthless. Help her builda serious love affair with herself.

This is a process of creating a relationship with ourselves, the one we wish to have with others. If the problem is her turning elsewhere to have her feelings and emotions validated, then surely the solution lies within her. She need validate herself, she needs to listen to herself and create what she needs from others from the inside out.

She needs to think, “Surely I must be the change I want to see and if I am prepared to take on this responsibility for my own happiness I will no longer need to look outside for it.”

Of course, things will change and we are always resistant to change. Mostly she will become more assertive, she may shake up some house rules and the rules on engagement, roles may change, and boundaries will be imposed for the health of your relationship.

But how attractive is that? A woman who knows her mind, stands in her power and better still — she is yours.

To know more on how Allison Reiner works and how she can help you, email her at [email protected].

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Wow.. is this article just a TAD bit bias or what? Cheating is a symptom of problem in the relationship. It is a poor choice to make, but one that gets made all too often. Why don’t people simply choose to leave the relationship? FEAR. Fear of hurting someone, fear of being alone, fear of the sky falling. It matters not what the reason is. What matters is that you can learn to create a healthy relationship together and cheating never has to be an option. Its interesting how we require intense and ongoing training to be able to fly… Read more »

If you were too distant – she will cheat If you are too interested and clingy – she will cheat If you spend all of your time at work – she will cheat If you are laid off and struggle to get a new job – she will cheat If you spend too much time in the gym to keep in shape – she will cheat If you go soft from missing the gym entirely too much – she will cheat If it is an errand day of the month that ends in Y – she will cheat. It is… Read more »

Its not that clear cut Boris. There are some horrible women out there, more than most women themselves are willing to admit, but trying to say all women are horrible and will cheat on you is just too damn dark.

There are horrible women AND men. And it does seem that men are equally un-willing to admit this and more likely to be kinder to their own gender, same as women. It would be nice if men and women both didn’t over-sympathize with someone else just because they share the same gender in the times it truly doesn’t call for it. Because while there are times when understanding what your fellow gender is going through is important, there are times when it’s important for us to be willing enough to call out our own gender for their bad behavior. I… Read more »

There are horrible women AND men. True and if Boris was ranting about all men being horrible I would have included men in my response. In so many conversations here, someone is usually bound to make the point of saying how “most” men are good. While that can be a distraction sometimes I think for the most part its a fair point because in some many conversations around here the bad deeds of men are often presented as representation of men as a whole. Notice all the pieces around here that are all a flutter about how Trump possibly winning… Read more »

Look, we all want to believe that most people who share our same gender are “good”. Women want to believe it about women. Men want to believe it about men. And I am not saying reminding each other of our goodness is a bad thing. But when it becomes the dominate response to anything when one gender is saying, “this is a problem I encounter with the other gender”, and we all A knee-jerk reaction to that because the issue is so personal to our own identity, we aren’t ever going to be able to fix serious social issues that… Read more »

I didn’t say it wasn’t valid to talk about Trump’s influence. I’m questioning why influence on boys seems to only be a hot topic when its a negative influence. Maybe this is the effect of people being more interested in clicks than having conversation but I do pay attention to other articles here and I’ve noticed that commenting on a post that focuses on good men don’t get a lot of attention even from those that are so worried about Trump becoming a bad influence. Its fairly clear that the goal isn’t to support boys and men but to attack… Read more »

No Danny, it’s not simply about attacking Trump. It’s about being absolutely mistified, confused and disillusioned that a man like Trump was not only able to run for President, but that he had so much support and eventually won the Presidency. Where does that leave women like me? I feel complelety fractured from my own country right now. I am left Under the leadership of a man that thinks it is his god given duty to rate us on a scale of 1-10, that it’s okay to call female journalists “bimbos”, or say stuff like “there was blood coming out… Read more »

It’s about being absolutely mistified, confused and disillusioned that a man like Trump was not only able to run for President, but that he had so much support and eventually won the Presidency. You want to know why Trump won? It wasn’t just because there are enough racists and other hateful people out there to support him but also because Clinton supporters were so vested in spewing hate a demonizing white guys that they basically told them that they don’t matter so a significant portion of them turned to Trump, not because they support him but because there was no… Read more »

Statistical bias – when EVERY woman my friends have married was like that and EVERY girl that I ever dated was like that and EVERY girl I was paid to investigate was a cheat – I will Color the Venn Diagram between EVERY and ALL with very little distinction. Clearly, I don’t know every woman on the planet – nor am I inclined to, but the propensity is enough for me to paint with broad strokes. I have yet to be surprised.

I wonder if Allison Reiner and the editors at GMP choosing to run this article are as compassionate and understanding towards men who are cheating on their wives, for the reasons of being lonely, misunderstood and disconnected?

Or are we to assume that the modus operandi of his site is that every disruption in a romantic relationship is grounded in the character flaws on the male part?

I will see you ‘Step Up’, and raise you ‘Shove OFF’
Ain’t no hole worth the headache – opt out, early and often. Let them have a herd of cats and a corral of F*ckboyz
You marry at your own risk and folly – dating is not much better. #MGTOW

While I can understand the value of talking to guys about why women cheat I have to say its pretty interesting how this basically skips over what a guy may be feeling after finding out he was cheated on and goes straight to telling him what he should do to make up with her. It feels like its just assumed that it was his fault she cheated on him and now he needs to do right by her to keep from making go out and cheat on him again (as if telling women to do x, y, z to keep… Read more »

I agree with most of you comments, Danny. We can certainly talk about why women cheat, but when you are confronted with a cheating partner, it’s hard to be told that now you are suppose to build up the partner that cheated on you, or do x,y and z in the face of being so terribly hurt, as this article is doing here. I disagree that relationships where one partner cheated need to be ended though. As I do think there are couples who can work through the issues that resulted in the cheating. But that’s a deeply personal choice.… Read more »

We can certainly talk about why women cheat, but when you are confronted with a cheating partner, it’s hard to be told that now you are suppose to build up the partner that cheated on you, or do x,y and z in the face of being so terribly hurt, as this article is doing here. Yes its a worthwhile conversation to have and maybe the part where someone addresses how the guy that was cheated on feels would be something to cover in another post. If I had ever been cheated on I’d might even take a swing at writing… Read more »

I’ll tell you the problem: Male and females don’t tell each other really how they feel, what they want, there is too much expectation that their partner will “get them” and be able to subconciously know what they need. This is absolutely ludicrous. You people are adults, talk to each you imbeciles and avoid all the hurt and heartache will certainly result.

I have always known women cheat for validation ( hence this article ) ego boosts & resources. It’s NEVER for sex , as the desire is low / absent in most women. Men cheat / attempt to cheat , due to being denied sex ( most marriages are wife refusal sexless.) Men need a sex drive killer that does not affect the ” male drive ” to get things done , or have any adverse side effects. The genders are wired so utterly differently , women & men are poles apart in most respects , hence we do not understand… Read more »

Women and men both cheat for validation and ego boosts. Desire/sex is not low or absent in most women. Especially if it’s sex with a new partner since women find novelty as exciting as men do. Sadly, women are still fighting a battle of having the freedom of sexual expression absent of the influence of the male dominate fantasies that permeate the world. And no, it is not that women are less attracted to men then men are to women. Heterosexual women are very attracted to men. Women’s sexuality may show up differently That doesn’t mean women are less sexual… Read more »

Men are taught the same thing, be sexually attractive. You think guys who don’t look after themselves are attractive to women. It works that same for both genders unless the man or woman is looking for something else like money or status.

Yes Ted, I do. I also think men are told to get the most valuable kind of women (the really hot and young ones – that if you are honest is how men tend to value women), that they have to have money too. But I don’t think the social pressures for men to be attractive are nearly as brutal as the social pressures for women to be attractive. We are expected to do way more grooming, have more perfect bodies, breast surgery, no-wrinkles,no-pores, no-hair, good make up….we are expected to be these pretty dolls who are as close to… Read more »

“women are much less attracted to men , than vice versa.” You know why men are attracted to women more than vice versa, because men are looking for emotional connections with other humans, they cannot trust or rely on their own gender for that. Males are screwed up by parents, peers and society.