Dec. 8, 2008

Don´t remember when exactly the last Bayram I have celebrated with my family. Time is amazing, it behaves differently if you look back or look forward. I think its something that Allah made for luring the stupid human. I feel tired, tired to think why I am created for. I realized how beautiful the life is when I watched the movie " The color of paradise". Yet again I feel boring, meaningless... Still remember, a friend of mine, telling me that I should not think the life is meaningless. He said the reason for this is that thinking life is meaningless is meaningless itself, so why we should think it in that way?! I agree on this point, but I can not put myself away from thinking more in detail. I feel like world around me is getting more and more imaginary, less and less the things which make me feel excited or thrilled. I traveled a lot, but always feel someone is missing beside me.

Don´t know whether my expectations are getting too high or somethings are getting wrong in my brain. May be I need a long vacation, find some peaceful place and relax myself. Or embracing someone I love, putting my head to her knees and deep breathe would be sufficient. Only thing I can tell is there is something lacking in my soul. Is it love of my family/friends that I am missing, or is it something that I have lost for a long while?...