October 16, 2007

Tony's Pissed

In his column today, Tony Norman takes on Ann Coulter's most recent bit of rhetorical wankery. For those living under a rock she said on CNBC "We just want Jews to be perfected, as they say."

So she's speaking for all Christians now? And what about all those centuries of perfecting?

Ah, yes, the history of "perfected Jews" and others in the heart of the Christian world has been so inspiring over the centuries, hasn't it?

Take the Crusades for example -- please. Those bloody religious campaigns in the Holy Land provided a marvelous outlet for "perfecting" the Mohammedans and the children of Abraham.

The aforementioned Torquemada, the Grand Inquisitor of Spain and cardinal of the Catholic Church, "perfected" Jews so much that they left the country by the thousands in 1492.

History is one long march of "perfecting" unbelievers. In fact, it's a perfect storm of perfection: Catholics perfecting Protestants. Puritans perfecting witches. Protestants perfecting Quakers and other religious minorities. The crew of the Good Ship Jesus perfecting African "pagans" by carrying them to America in chains where they would experience soul-crushing servitude for an unimaginable 300 years.

Some other choice quotations from Saint Ann of the Laryngeal Prominence:

Being nice to people is, in fact, one of the incidental tenets of Christianity (as opposed to other religions whose tenets are more along the lines of 'kill everyone who doesn't smell bad and doesn't answer to the name Mohammed'). - from a column dated 03/04/04

The ethic of conservation is the explicit abnegation of man's dominion over the Earth. The lower species are here for our use. God said so: Go forth, be fruitful, multiply, and rape the planet — it's yours. That's our job: drilling, mining and stripping. Sweaters are the anti-Biblical view. Big gas-guzzling cars with phones and CD players and wet bars — that's the Biblical view. - from a column dated 10/12/00

David, you were on vacation last week, and you were understandably distracted by "popping the question", so you probably missed the news. On Monday, the pope abdicated his throne, but only after issuing his decision -- bound under the seal of infallibility -- that women could join the clergy. Actually, not all women, but just one... specifically Ann Coulter. And not as a priest, a bishop, or even a cardinal. Instead, the clearance was just for Ann Coulter to take his place as pope.

On Tuesday, the College of Cardinals, in a historic vote conducted entirely through Google messaging, elected Ann as Pope. She adopted the name "Pope George W. the First", for some reason.

On Wednesday came the news that all of the Orthodox religions were disolving themselves and unifying with the Roman church.

On Thursday, a few major Protestant denominations -- including the Anglican Communion and the Moonies -- followed suit and brought their followers into the Roman fold.

By Friday afternoon, the unification of all Christians under a single Church was complete, and Pope George W. the First achieved an end to all of the unfortuneate historical schisms which have divided the followers of Christ for so long.

Please take some time to catch up on the news before you criticize the Pope again. If you don't, you should remember that the Inquisition just might come for you after they get done with the Jews.

Though hardly the same caliber of the 1965 march to the Edmund Pettus Bridge or the bloody debacle of Selma's "Bloody Sunday," the Jena 6 case is, at the very least, a Duke lacrosse-sized miscarriage of justice in the making.

The tenacity of white racism and the mania to preserve petty racial hierarchies left over from the Jim Crow era impart a frozen-in-amber quality to the inhabitants in that backwards Southern town.

Thousands of protesters marched in Jena yesterday over the excessive criminal charges filed against six black teenagers for beating a white teenager last year.

These boys, known as the Jena 6, were originally supposed to stand trial for attempted murder, but the charges were rolled back to battery once the story started getting national attention.

Local prosecutor Reed Walters makes Michael Nifong, the disgraced DA of the Duke lacrosse case, look like Oliver Wendell Holmes. There is so much evidence of his office's racial animus that Jena might as well open a chain of Scottsboro Boys Motels to capitalize on it.

Or are you going to use the out of context defense? Which is BS and why I posted as much of the article as I did.It appears that Tony is saying that the Jena 6 case is a worst miscarriage of justice than the Duke Lacrosse rape hoax?

John K. says: We have lots of closeted bigots in this country. Most reside at MSNBC. Isn't it odd that Olbermouth never played any pro sports yet spent the first part of his career bad mouthing those who did. He didn't report sports he bad mouthed those who did. Looked for every mistake and scar in their character and played it up for the audience. Which is why he got fired not only from ESPN but ABC and CNN. Now Olbermouth has no military experience, nor has he ever run for office, yet exploits every scar he can find. He picks the scabs of any person who actually has done something for this country. He has done nothing. Has Olbermouth ever lent his name to any veteran's scholarship fund? Raised money for the same. Tried to raise troop morale? But he does have the ability to broadcast falsehoods. Which of course are eaten up by you lefties. (Jesse MacBeth) So where are the bigot? Why some of them are right here.

John K, I noticed some problems with your post above and made corrections:

We have lots of closeted bigots in this country. Most reside on right-wing talk radio. Isn't it odd that Rush Limbaugh never played any pro sports yet spent the first part of his career bad mouthing those who did. He didn't report sports he bad mouthed those who did. Looked for every mistake and scar in their character and played it up for the audience. Which is why he got fired from ESPN.Now Limbaugh has no military experience, nor has he ever run for office, yet exploits every scar he can find. He picks the scabs of any person who actually has done something for this country. He has done nothing.Has Limbaugh ever lent his name to any veteran's scholarship fund? Raised money for the same. Tried to raise troop morale? But he does have the ability to broadcast falsehoods. Which of course are eaten up by you wingnuts. ("Phony Soldiers") So where are the bigot[s]? Why all of them are right wing.

To: Heir to the ThroneYou are a bad reader, my friend. For the record: I was making the opposite point that you accuse me of making in my column. End of argument, unless you know something about my "real" opinions regarding the Duke lacrosse team that I don't. Oh, maybe I should make this abundantly clear for those who need it spelled out: I believe the Duke boys are innocent of the crime they've been accused of. I believe the Scottsboro boys were innocent of the crimes they were accused of. I believe the Jena 6 boys are guilty of assault, but not attempted murder. That charge represented a miscarriage of justice. Thus, the protest. I'll send you money for a "Reading Comprehension is Fundamental" kit if you have trouble understanding a little bit o'nuance, Heir.Have a nice day. (this applies even if you're reading this at night, Heir.)Tony Norman