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Attention! Electoral emergency!

I just got a note from Johnny Nalbandian, the Republican candidate running against Adam Schiffhead Schiff. He tells me that he is in a desperate way for funds. With 20 days to go in the camapaign he is out of money while Schiff has yet to unleash the full power of his $4,000,000 war chest.

These, my fellow Republicans, are the crucial hours for which we have worked so long and hard. These are the final, decisive days on which all our hopes depend. Our Founding Fathers froze and starved in Valley Forge to bring us to this day. Our forefathers held the line against all odds at New Orleans, Gettysburg, Belleau Wood, Midway and the Pusan Perimeter to pass on to us, the sons and daughters of their courage, their blood, their lives and their victories, the freedom we hold in our hands to pass on in turn.

So it is I ask you, with tears in my eyes, to be as generous as our ancestors, as generous as only Americans pressed to wall of tyranny can be. I ask, you, no I beg you to open your hearts and your resources to help get this Democrat scum out of Congress and put a real patriot, Johnny Nalbandian, in his place.