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Wednesday, July 4, 2012

SPOILERS: Detective Comics #11

...

::sigh::

Let's get this over with.

So Mr. Toxic and Batman fight, or something, and Toxic spills great dialogue like "You're too slow! And you'll only get slower! Here, let me prove it to you!" because that's natural. But Batman cracks open Toxic's head case, and it's Hugh Marder!? But he's in the Hadron Collider! Or whatever. Batman stops it, and that Hugh is all "why you do that, I was so close!" and dies...

Security shows up, Batman leaves... gets the radiation off him, then the next day gets a calls from the Prof. form last issue who apparently died in a similar chemical accident. So Bruce goes to investigate where that guy worked, talks to his fellow co-workers, then leaves, finding a hobo near the phone that called him the other day. The hobo is that guy, who is dead, and says Hugh clones himself, looking for something with the Hadron collider... to possibly travel time, I think!?

Then at the morgue, Hugh's body gets brought in, and put next to others who look identically like him, in perfect condition. See, that's key, perfect condition. These were apparently the guys who dressed up in Batman suits last issue, and blew themselves up. Mr. Toxic comes out of one of the bodies as it comes back to life, and gives him the Professor Radium get up, so he doesn't die or something.... yep.

Batman talks to Gordon about something, takes some of the goo samples back to the cave, does some experiments and it starts to multiply and consume him... yep.

END.

Two Face back up?

Ha, yeah. No. Read three pages, and that was enough.

END?!

So yeah. If you read my site over the years, you'll know what one of these brief, snarky write ups mean... I hated this issue. This issue sums up what I've felt has been a problem for this book since about issue 5... shit just happens to people that no one cares about, but expects you to care in the process. Who is Hugh Marder? Do you know? Cus I sure as hell don't, the guy has shown up on four pages, max. Yet, here he is, cloning himself, being Mr. Toxic, and wanting to time travel, or do something with the Hadron Collider... the fuck is going on? I'm literally sitting at my computer right now, talking to myself, trying to verbalize what I want to say, and other than "shit just happens" no real words are coming out of my mouth, just vague syllables and noises of confusion. I guess what I'm trying to say is, that this story has the finesse of Andre the Giant preforming ballet. Everything is so heavy handed, the dialogue is stiff and awkward, and it just doesn't make any god damn sense, especially the science talk, which sounds like it's all made up words in the context of the story (yes, I know they're real words). All that, combined with the Two Face back up I could barely even bother with, and the inconsistent fill-in fill-in art, just adds up to being pretty bad.

I know Tony Daniel probably had to pull the plug on a lot of what he wanted to do, seeing as next issue is his last... but man, I hate to be this negative, I really do, but bring on the next writer...