Editor's Note: I am in Indiana for the next few weeks and unable to watch 'The Bachelorette,' mainly because I cannot inflict that kind of torture on my mother. She asks a lot of questions and although men and women dating on TV with roses and a host is totally commonplace to me, I guess it's not to her. So I enlisted the help of my trusty former intern (and native Spanish speaker, as you will remember the Alejandro 'commitment/compromise' debacle) Mariana to write this week's review. She lives in San Diego with her husband, new (adorable!) baby girl and some good friend who also enjoy The Bachelor/Bachelorette series. Thanks, Mariana!! Great review! **************I’d like to dedicate this blog post to my friends Ellen and Megan. They have been coming to my home for our weekly date with Chris Harrison for about a year now. We kept it going throughout my pregnancy and even three days after my baby was born. It’s my favorite night of the week because I get to feel like my old self again, wine glass in hand and witty banter while we poke fun of the show. Girls, this one is for you!

Emily and her suitors traveled to Croatia this week; Ricky Bobby went home with her nanny. I guess we won’t be seeing anymore video montages of what a wonderful mommy Emily is anymore, DARN! And poor Emily still sounds hoarse, as Megan quickly diagnosed her with mono. Travis got the first date and Emily declared, as usual, “I feel that (fill in the blank) is perfect for this date!” And Travis predictably expressed “There is no one I'd rather be with right now!” They did the touristy thing and hit the streets of some city in Croatia I can’t pronounce let alone spell. They danced to a street musician in some ally (totally scripted), had “ice cream” (pretty sure it was Gelato), and practiced the local romance ritual of the area like they have done in the last five episodes. In the end Emily sent Travis packing and explained that she just didn’t have romantic feelings for him. We are pretty sure he was also sent home on an empty stomach, poor fella. And to add insult to injury she told him “Bye honey”. Really…honey?!Travis looked pretty devastated as he walked away crying and threw his umbrella aside.

Emily chose Doug, Wolf (John), Jef, Arie, Sean, and Chris for the group date. ABC plugged the new Disney movie Brave by having the clan watch the movie and later dress in kilts to compete in highland games. I’m geographically impaired but what the heck does Scotland have to do with Croatia?! Is there so little to do in Croatia that the entire date had to be inspired by a Disney movie?! We did appreciate the gratuitous footage of the guys stripping down to change into their kilts though, and who doesn’t love bagpipes? Thanks ABC!

It was kind of pathetic watching the guys shivering in their kilts why they tried to impress Emily. The two beefcakes, Doug and Sean looked awesome and did really well. Chris won the award/chalice, for his “bravery” because he chose to compete against Sean even though he knew he didn’t stand a chance. Emily kissed him when they had some alone time and she told him that she missed him. This week Emily donned a sparkly number for all her evening dates. A few of the one-on-one times were highlighted. Emily assured Sean that they feel the same for each other and she wants him to remain confident “now and in the future when things get harder”. It looks like he will stick around awhile which is cool, we like Sean.

Arie disclosed feeling anxious about how they left things inLondon and that he didn’t stand up for her. But she reassured him that shelikes spending time with him and so he pressed her up against a wall for a sexy make-out session. Jef, ever the gentleman, gave Emily his coat and told her“like I get really excited to hang out with you. I feel like…like…like”. I lost track of all the likes in his interaction with Emily. But she did ask him “What took you so long to kiss me?”, which of course got the sexuality questions in our minds stirring. His response did not disappoint, “I’m scared of you!”(Because she has a vagina??) At which Emily responded “you keep me guessing” Yeah, us too! She gave the rose to Chris but I can’t remember why because I was too busy making fun of one-f Jef. Don’t get me wrong, he seems like a super nice guy and maybe he is LDS or just super metro.

Ryan apparently took three hours to get ready for his date because Chris claims that Ryan “shaves his legs and plucks his finger hairs.” Emily and Ryan drove to their date, Oyster fishing. They flirted with each other on the way their and Emily explained that she knows Ryan is trouble but finds him endearing and senses good chemistry between them. In the evening Emily asked her usual and appropriate questions, one being “What role do you see your wife playing in your life?” Ryan’s response, “Not just a trophy .“ Emily was alarmed, “there’s that word again!” Then Ryan tried one of his tricks again and pulled out a list he created of “12 things I want in a wife”, but thankfully, Emily didn’t fall for this one. Emily confidently explained that she does not want to have to fit into someone else’s mold, go Emily! And she was disappointed that having a loving family was not on his list. So she took the rose and told him that even though he is good looking and a good kisser, they just don’t want the same things in a relationship. This is where it gets creepy. Red flags, domestic violence creepy. He tried to intimidate her by staring her down and taking advantage of her insecurities. He is a manipulative narcissist. But good-ol Emily held fast and sent him off. But Ryan did not go quietly into the night. On his way out he described himself as a “winner” and proceeded to compare himself to the “greatest men in the world”. Then, (and this is my favorite part) he looks to the crew and asks the editors to portray him for who he “really is” and “not an arrogant ass”. I don’t think all the editing in the world would have helped you Ryan, unless you were just edited off entirely. The guys back in headquarters were happy to see his suitcase, I mean duffle bag, taken away. One-f-Jef correctly surmised that Ryan really only came on the show because he wants to be the next bachelor. Later that evening Aries sneaks off to see Emily and praise her for her good judgment in kicking Ryan off. Emily was excited that someone “finally” came to visit her. He lounged on her bed and they played and made out. They seem to really fit well together and Arie later told the cameras that he is falling in love with Emily.

The evening of the rose ceremony, Emily expressed that Doug and Wolf were on the bubble this week. During John’s one-on –one time, he and Emily bonded over the loss of loved ones and shared their first kiss. Doug told Emily that he knows her relationships with the other men are growing and he is falling behind. But he still didn’t kiss her. The men have dubbed him Humble Doug. Emily told him that she wants him to be Confident Doug. Later during a camera interview Doug cried about missing his son, it was sweet. The rose ceremony had an interesting twist with Emily excusing herself when she got to the last rose so she could speak with Chris. She told Chris she didn’t know what to do. When she returned, she told the guys that she could not hand out the final rose, pause for dramatic effect…then Chris brings in an extra rose!!!! They both get to stay and they all live happily ever after…until next week where they finally show the preview of Emily finding out about Arie’s previous relationship. But, as Ellen pointed out, there are no beaches in Prague (they showed a beach scene) so we may have to wait a little longer.