Sunday, November 30, 2008

Oh my goodness! I did it!!! I can't believe that I was able to post every single day over the past month. This has been my most prolific month by far, and while not every day was profound, it sure was fun to think of blog topics each day.

Thanks to everyone for joining me for this endeavor, and for being my loyal readers. I am lucky to share the blogosphere with you.

So, who's up for December? I am going to continue posting often, though not necessarily daily :) If you would like to find out more about National Blog Posting Month, please visit www.nablopomo.com.

Ah, my friends, my heart and my tummy hurt today. As I have discussed before, a long-term relationship (4 years) of mine ended in December, 2006. There was a lot that was broken about the relationship, and though it totally demolished me at the time, it was a wise split. I had been living with him, and had to move out quickly. That was what brought me to Jersey City, where I lived for 18 months.

My ex and I gave it another try about 9 months ago - we both felt there was unfinished business, and wondered if we truly were "besheret" - Yiddish for "meant to be." Immediately, the attempt started crushing me again - I started feeling bad about myself, and feeling guilty about my job, my talents, and my personal space. No one has ever made me feel as bad as he does. It was a toxic mix, and I was able to call it quits after a few more months. It provided a great sense of closure for me, and I am grateful that I really got him out of my system.

There was one little hold-over - I still had a few things left at his house. He lives a good 45 minutes away, and I really didn't want to have to take all of that time to go up there and pick up my stuff. Plus, I really didn't want to have to see him again. But, it was time. I had to cut the last cord connecting us.

Lindsay and I drove up to his house today, and I picked up the last remaining items that were the final remains of our life together. I had asked him to put the things on the porch, so that I wouldn't have to see him. Wouldn't you know that he found some reason to come out to "pick up something from his car."

I am furious that he couldn't just let it be, and let me leave. This was the pattern - he never really heard me, or cared about my needs. His needs always trumped mine, which is part of what made me feel so small. Thank goodness Lindsay was with me - she said, sternly, "Okay," which was the signal that everything was in the car and it was time to go.

So, my heart hurts, knowing that it is really final. 99% of me knows that this is such a victory, but 1% is still sad that it didn't work out. At least I am REALLY done with him. There is no reason to have to deal with him again.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

After the recent events in Mumbai, I know that I needed a laugh. Here is one of my most favorite Youtube videos, the Kitty Cat Dance. The main cat looks suspiciously like my calico, Precious (what has she been doing in her free time??). Enjoy :)

Friday, November 28, 2008

As I pause before beginning Shabbat this evening, my thoughts and prayers are with those in Mumbai. My heart is breaking at the thought of all those lives who have been lost, those families who are now forever shattered, those memories forever traumatized.

May those who lost their lives rest in peace. Your memories shall be for a blessing.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

my sister and I were at the "Family Guy Sings!" event a few nights ago. It was taking place at Carnegie Hall, as I mentioned a few posts ago. We were so excited to be there, and, before the show started, we were discussing the irony of such a silly, obscene show holding an event as such a revered concert hall.

My sister then said, "Well, I read an article about the show online, and they said, 'How does one get to Carnegie Hall? Apparently, by creating a hit adult cartoon and staging a live reading of the cartoon.'"

I stopped her.

"I WROTE THAT!" I said. She was quoting me.... to ME! I love it. We got a good laugh about it.

Monday, November 24, 2008

On the spur of the moment, Lindsay and I went to the TKTS booth in Times Square on Saturday night to see if we could get cheap Broadway tix. I got there first, checked the boards, and noticed that EQUUS was available for 50% off tix! Linds and I had really wanted to see this show, but, due to price and schedules, we had both resigned ourselves to the fact that we weren't going to see it.

Nonetheless - there we were - we got tickets!! We were able to get seats in the fourth row of the Mezzanine, and we knew we were in for a roller coaster of a show. As the website states,

About Equus

For the first time in over 30 years, a new production of EQUUS will be seen on Broadway after a sold-out run in London’s West End.

Alan Strang (Daniel Radcliffe) seems a normal, obedient 17-year old with a passion for horses. Then one night he blinds six horses with a hoof pick. What drove him to it? His life seems routine, his family loving, his pursuits harmless and yet he has been placed under psychiatric surveillance - an unresponsive patient who is woken each night by terrible nightmares. Only psychiatrist Martin Dysart (Richard Griffiths) seems able to grasp the answer to this psychological puzzle.

Richard Griffiths, whose incredible stage and screen career spans two decades and who won a Tony Award for his performance in the Broadway production of The History Boys, stars alongside Daniel Radcliffe, best known for playing Harry Potter in all five of the feature films based on J.K. Rowling's best-selling books.

This production of Peter Shaffer’s Tony Award-winning play, directed by Thea Sharrock and designed by John Napier, demonstrates that this ground-breaking play is as relevant and shocking as it was when it was first performed over 30 years ago.

It was brilliant, horrifying, moving, and engaging. Since both of us are big fans of psychotherapy and psychoanalysis, we loved the way that Freudian and Jungian ideas flowed throughout the show.

After the show, we decided to stick around at the stage door and try to get Richard Griffiths and Daniel Radcliffe's autographs. We were able to get very close to the barricade set up by security, and we waited in the 20 degree weather.

Then, Richard Griffiths came out (Linds snapped these pics with her cellphone).....

Everyone screamed in excitement (I wonder if Mr. Griffiths has ever felt this much like a rockstar?!?!). Lindsay insisted on engaging him in conversation: "Mr. Griffiths? Mr. Griffiths? Your hat looks very warm!" Griffiths: "It better be." Lindsay: "Is it from Alaska?" Griffiths: "No, it is from Moscow." Lindsay: "Mr. Griffiths, we are of Russian Descent!")

But, that was nothing compared to the excitement of getting Daniel Radcliffe's autograph (Mr. Harry Potter, himself!!!!!!!!!!!). He came over to our area first, and he SIGNED MY PLAYBILL FIRST!!! I got the first autograph of the night. I said, "Daniel, you are wonderful!" (I know, so eloquent....). He looked up into my eyes, with his electric blue eyes, and said in his delicious accent, "Thank you."Wow.

Can you tell that we had a great time? We risked frostbite for them, but it was so worth it. Hooray for Broadway!!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

I don't know about you, but Lindsay and I are HUGE "Family Guy" fans. The show is so silly, so irreverant, and is overflowing with pop culture references.

We've seen live Family Guy performances before, and we are going to be attending another one tomorrow night. The program is entitled, "Family Guy Sings," and is being held at CARNEGIE HALL (of all places!).

So, how does one get to Carnegie Hall? Apparently, by creating a hit adult cartoon and staging a live reading of said cartoon.

All of the actors will be present, and they are scheduled to read through two full episodes of the show. Then, they will sing a bunch of the songs and musical numbers that pepper the show. My favorite? When Peter Griffin (the father of the family) sings an enormous rendition of The Music Man's "Shipoopi." Brilliant. Just Brilliant.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Just thought that I would take a moment to celebrate - yesterday was one full month on Jenny Craig!

So far, October 21-November 21 was just great.

11.6 pounds lost!

No change yet in clothes or appearance, but it sure feels good to be devoting time to feeling better :)

It's becoming more and more routine, and I even dreamt about it recently: I was at a party where the food was a HUGE buffet. In the dream, I felt very disappointed that it was making my efforts to lose weight difficult, yet I just went straight for the smart choices on the buffet. It wound up not being a big deal. BUT, if I am already dreaming about Jenny Craig, then it shows how deep into my unconscious this decision has gone.

Friday, November 21, 2008

As many of you know by now, I am originally from Chicago, Illinois. I happen to be a very proud midwesterner, and there is something about the Chicago area that will always feel like my true home, no matter where my life takes me.

I was last home, where my whole family (other than my sister, Lindsay) lives, in August. It is really unfortunate that I can't travel home more than 3 or 4 times a year, but that is just the reality of the situation. My job as a rabbi is such that I work 6 days a week (Thursdays are my precious day off, unless I have a funeral or event), so I can rarely travel on the weekends.

Nonetheless, I have booked my next trip home for the end of December - hooray! My sister won't be able to join me, unfortunately, but both my brothers will also be at my parents' house, so a good time will be had by all who are around (and we will call Linds frequently!!).

And, all of my Chicago friends: let's get together!!! I miss you all so much :)

So, what about you? Where is your family in relation to where you are? Do you live near them? Did you stay where you grew up or did you move away?

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Clapathy: When an audience grows weary of clapping, either at a ceremony or musical performance. "That graduation ceremony was so long, I got clapathetic!" "I was clapping at the beginning of the song, but I quit when I got clapathy."

I just found out about SUCH a fun website: Urban Dictionary. There are all kinds of new, slang terms added by users every day. Some of the amusing finds:

Thumb Strength: The energy required to write a text."Forget it, I don't have the thumb strength to text him. Guess I'll just call."

bearanoia: Bearanoia is a disturbed thought process characterized by excessive anxiety or fear of bears, often to the point of irrationality and delusion. Bearanoid thinking typically includes persecutory beliefs concerning a perceived threat of bears. In the original Greek, (bearnoia) simply means, really fuckin' scared of bears (beara = bears; nous = really fuckin' scared of) and, historically, this characterization was used to describe any delusional state concerning bears.Stephen Colbert suffers from bearanoia. Timothy Treadwell did not.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Every now and then, I like to share some of my favorite pop culture interests (music, movies, books, etc.). One of the movies that I grew up with, and still really LOVE, is Labyrinth.

Made in 1986, it is a wonderful Jim Henson film that combined puppets with human actors. The story is timeless, and the film is so good that it is still enjoyable over twenty years later.

The plot is magical: Sarah, played by Jennifer Connelly, is forced to babysit her little brother (she would rather be playing with her dolls and acting out dramas about the fantastical goblin king). When her brother, Toby, won't stop crying, she wishes that the goblins would come and take Toby away - at that very moment, the room goes silent, and she realizes that her wish has come true.

Sarah then embarks on a journey through a labyrinth, the center of which contains the goblin king's (David Bowie) castle, and her brother. She is given 13 hours to complete the task.

We see so much of what it is like to be a teenager - the angst, the drama, the growing adult feelings, the compassion, and the playfulness. Plus, the soundtrack, featuring many songs written and performed by David Bowie, is superb.

If you have never watched this movie, take some time out to enter a fantasy-land, hear some fun music, and enjoy a wonderful story.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

This is unbelieveable - I can't believe that this is actually working. I imagined that it would be SO hard, and such a struggle, but it really isn't. My sister, Lindsay, asked me this morning, "So, have you had to starve for the last month?" And the answer is a definitive, "NO!" I have never had to be hungry, and I have always felt satiated.

Most importantly, I am so appreciative of all of your support - you guys are the best. I feel so encouraged, and so excited, as I update you each week on my progress. Thanks for joining me on this journey so far :)

Sunday, November 16, 2008

One of the benefits of feeling better is that I have much more energy to do the things I haven't been able to do over the past few years. One of these is to attend events of our "Rosh Hodesh" girls' group at the synagogue. We have many different youth groups at our synagogue, but one that really stands out is one that is set aside for Junior High School-aged girls. The program is based on one created by Moving Traditions. According to their website:

Rosh Hodesh: It’s a Girl Thing! is the first proactive, informal education program that uses Judaism to enrich the lives of girls. It draws on Jewish tradition to give girls a place to feel safe, articulate their questions and concerns, have fun, and be ‘real’ with their peers.

Small groups of girls meet monthly with a carefully trained adult leader who uses our step-by-step manual. Through discussion, arts & crafts, and drama, the girls integrate core Jewish values as they focus on the things they care about most, such as body image, friendship, relationships, competition, stress, and family.

We had a program today, held at "Make" - one of those pottery places that allows you to create your own ceramic items. We painted our very own menorahs for the upcoming holiday of Chanukah.

As a young, female rabbi, I really treasure the opportunity to spend time every month with pre-teen girls, and I show them that a woman can do whatever she wants when she grows up. I can chat with the dozen girls who are there, I can be accessible to them, and maybe, just maybe, one of them will want to be a rabbi when she grows up. That would truly be incredible. The feeling of sisterhood, and the sense that I am passing on the tradition, is so special.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

I am very happy to report that this has been another great week on Jenny. I am in my fourth week on their plan, and it is going so well. It is really set up in an easy way, and it takes a lot of the mental work out of it. As long as you follow what the plan tells you to eat, it is smooth sailing.

Apparently, after this week, I begin planning my own week of meals - they teach me how to build a week, making sure to fit in all of my entrees, fruits, vegetables, snacks, and dairy products. We shall see how that goes on Tuesday, my next weigh-in.

I wonder if I will clear the 10 pound milemarker this week - wouldn't that be amazing! Even if I don't get quite to that point, I am still feeling such a sense of accomplishment - after all these years of weight gain and physical pain, I am feeling GOOD!

By the way, my old high school friend, Julie, at Flip this Body, wondered if I have been exercising at all, in addition to the meal plan. I have definitely been trying! I bought a pedometer, and it appears that I am walking at least 2 miles everyday! Also, I really like the "Exercise TV" channel that you can find On Demand - there are lots of fun options. As my body continues to heal, and as my muscles get stronger and stronger, I am capable of doing more. Currently, I am sticking with some of the "walking" workouts, because I still can't handle a lot of impact (and I am really starting from scratch, in a cardio-vascular sense).

Friday, November 14, 2008

Thanks to a friend, I just found out about an amazingly fun website called Yearbook Yourself. It allows you to upload a picture of yourself, and then format it into yearbook pictures from 50 years worth of hair and clothes styles. CRAZY! Let me know if you try it :)

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

As the New York Times itself reported, "Liberal Pranksters" (in the NYT terminology) published a brilliant hoax newspaper this morning. They stood on street corners, near subway entrances, and handed out a "free special edition of the New York Times."

I took one.

As I sat down on the subway, I started reading. Of course, the headline gave me a great start: "Iraq War Ends." Then I looked up at the date - July 4, 2009. Then I looked at the top of the page, where it read, "All the news we hope to print."

Ah, it was pretend. Alas. As I started to read the various stories, I smiled with both joy and sorrow: joy, at the possibility of these stories coming true, and sorrow that they were just mere fiction.

It seems to be the product of a group called the Yes Men. According to Wikipedia,

"The Yes Men are a group of culture jammingactivists who practice what they call "identity correction" by pretending to bepowerful people and spokespersons for prominent organizations. They create andmaintain fake websites similar to ones they want to spoof, and then they acceptinvitations received on their websites to appear at conferences, symposia, andTV shows. Their newfound, self-proclaimed authority to express the idea thatcorporations and governmental organizations often act in dehumanizing waystoward the public has met both positively and negatively with politicalovertones. Elaborate props are sometimes part of the ruse, as shown in their2003 DVD release The Yes Men."

Sunday, November 9, 2008

I never got to update you on my weigh-in on Tuesday - it was disappointing, which is why I wasn't in a rush to tell you.

Let me first state - I went in during the afternoon this time. Last week, I weighed in FIRST THING in the morning. This week, I had already eaten two meals. Not smart to do it this way. I was up 0.6 lbs during this session, which is probably not accurate. I'll bet, if I had gone in before breakfast, it would have been much more exciting - maybe even two pounds lower?

Well, I keep saying to myself, this week's upcoming weigh-in will be that much better. Right? Tuesday, here I come!

Saturday, November 8, 2008

I was leading Shabbat services with the other clergy members, and I was doing a reading before the Mourner's Kaddish (a prayer that we say when we are mourning the loss of a loved one). I didn't pick this particular reading; rather, I was reading it at the suggestion of the senior rabbi. I skimmed it in advance, felt it looked good, and put it on the lectern.

Little did I know, I was stepping into the pits of embarrassment.

I get up there to read it, at this very serious moment in the service, and in the middle of the paragraph is a word I have NEVER seen before:

ineradicable.

It swam in front of my eyes. It seemed to be WAY too many syllables. I didn't know what to do.

Mind you, I am a relatively smart gal, I am well read, and I have NEVER had to read this word aloud. I took it one syllable at a time, like a second-grader fumbling her way through a tough vocabulary word.

Ugh. I am never going to get this one wrong again. I now know that it is an adjective, meaning "not eradicable; not capable of being eradicated, rooted out, or completely removed." This makes sense to me. I get it. But I am going to feel embarrassed for quite some time.....

Friday, November 7, 2008

Yes, that's right - today is four years since my car accident. I can't believe that so much time has passed.

Last year, just one year ago, I was in such a different place (and I blogged about the three-year anniversary). I was totally demoralized, completely hopeless, and crippled by pain. I was angry at the man who crashed into me, saddened by the doctors who made me feel crazy for being in so much pain, helpless to find anything to make me feel better, depressed, as I watched my life fade away, and stuck in this accelerating downfall.

And, now?

Wow.

What a difference. Like the butterfly the accompanies this post, I feel as if I am reborn, spreading my wings, and taking flight. I feel healthy, strong, YOUNG, confident, and renewed. I really wasn't sure if this feeling would ever come. I was so sure that I would be handicapped for the rest of my life, and that it was all going down the drain. Yet, as my therapist points out, I kept working at my own healing, and I brought it about - I found new doctors, I kept pursuing answers, and I discovered that I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG! There was something serious going on in my back (a fractured spine), it was fixable, and I WOULD GET BETTER.

And here I am. I am grateful for your support, love, and encouagement, from the darkest of days through the parting of the clouds. This anniversary is so different from last year's, and I know that it can only get better from here on out.

So, while I will never be thankful for the accident, I am thankful for all the lessons learned, the power of healing, the feeling of vitality that flows through my body, and the blessings of friends and family.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Bleh, I have got a doozy of a cold. I'm in bed, drinking lots of fluids. My sinuses are killing me, and I keep coughing. God bless Nyquil. More tomorrow - I'm gonna go back to sleep....Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Monday, November 3, 2008

Though I am afraid to jinx it, I have had another really good week. Even for the meals that I have had to eat at a restaurant or event, I have been making really good choices.

Why wasn't it this easy before, I wonder? Did I need to take a leap, and perhaps start a new chapter? Did I need permission to focus on myself in this way? Was it important to ask for help and admit that I couldn't do it alone?

I go to my second weigh-in tomorrow (ELECTION DAY!!!!), and I hope that I have good news once again. I am still so scared that there won't be any results, and that I will fail just as I have over the past few years. I hope that this feeling of uncertainty fades away as I feel more and more confident in the process.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

I don't know why I am still surprised by it, but it is always IMPOSSIBLE to get around Manhattan on the day of the NYC Marathon. I wish I could just stay at home in Queens and relax for the day, but I had to come in to the synagogue to teach our Confirmation Class (10th graders). I don't know how many will fight their way through the crowd in order to come to class, so we shall see how many will show up.

My curriculum in the Confirmation Class is to teach modern applications of the Ten Commandments. Today, we are up to the 4th Commandment, which tells us to keep and remember the Sabbath. We are going to study the two versions of the Ten Commandments which appear in the Torah (the two iterations, one in Exodus and one in Deuteronomy, are not identical and have some important differences), and discuss Shabbat in our lives.

With these NYC kids, especially, I really find it important to teach them that it is okay to take breaks. They are SO OVERWORKED, and so stressed out, and they aren't often given permission to take a deep breath and rest. If I get nothing else across to them this year, I want them to understand how integral self-care is to a meaningful and successful life.

Next week, we will continue a focus on Shabbat, and I will lead a guided Jewish meditation for them. Yay!

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Well, here we go: National Blog Posting Month is beginning. As I mentioned in my last post, NaBloPoMo is a fun site that encourages bloggers to post every single day of one month. Often there is a theme to inspire our writing, but this month does not have any particular topic. Of my blogging friends, so far Ima on (and off) the Bima and Confessions of a Rock and Roll Bride are also participating this month.

Would you like to join us?

Do you have any suggestions of something that you would like me to write about this month?