Feds Will Cut Power to Ammosexual Militia at Oregon Occupied Refuge

It’s pretty cold in Eastern Oregon at this time of year, and the armed militants who have occupied a wildlife refuge are about to realize that big time, because federal authorities are planning to cut their power, followed soon by cutting the phone service, preventing their solicitation for snacks and socks.

A government official in Washington, DC, told the Guardian that they are planning to flush out the group with subzero temperatures.

“It’s in the middle of nowhere, and it’s flat-ass cold up there. After they shut off the power, they’ll kill the phone service, then they’ll block all the roads so that all those guys have a long, lonely winter to think about what they’ve done.”

The Citizens for Constitutional Freedom consists of a dozen or more armed anti-government militants, led by Ammon Bundy and his brothers, Mel and Ryan. They’re the sons of rouge Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy, who doesn’t approve of government regulations and fees for grazing on publicly owned ranges.

Federal and local authorities have so far avoided confronting the militia, who are heavily armed and have lookouts from a watchtower. They plan to occupy the bird sanctuary for months to protest the treatment of cattle ranchers, but we’ll see what happens when they run out of fuel and cheesy puffs.