Dear god, work has sucked. I’m sorry. 5am has smacked me but hard. But! We have News! At Nearly Midnight! (not really – its no where near, now). And we have a pen!

Zazual says, “Earlier today tremors around the volcano in Lavastorm have local geomancers fearful of an eruption. Geomancers around the Gorowyn volcano are watching carefully for any signs of seismic activity.”

Volcanu? No no no. Those are tiny little drakethings. They might erupt, which will be hilarious…but they are kinda cute when they go POOF. I think what we all expect, however, is a good old fashioned. Wonderful drink. Has a bit of a bite to it. Goes good with whiskey. Also, it helps blot out the memory of our next item of news.

Ogres in Speedos! Found deep in the Fallen Gate, a new trend is taking over Qeynos or ogres wandering about the city nearly naked.

Dayahnya says, “WAit… WHAT!?”

Zazual says, “MY EYES!!! *kills self*”

While the Ladyfolk have been entertained, the menfolk are decidedly miffed. Asking one poor stiff drinking an old fashioned, “That there ogre were better endowed then ol’ Denny. Jus couldn’t please ‘er no more. She left fer a BIG, GREEN ogre.” We should all go to the taverns and ridicule the Qeynosians, pointing and laughing and averting our eyes.

Elsewhere, the Eye of Thule blinked today for the first time in years. The event lasted about three hours, and most lizardmen were terrified. They report sleeping well, and other dastardly things.

Seridius says, “The horror…”

For those wishing their nightmares to return, please take camping equipment to the Shard of Fear, and tell ghost stories.

Dayahnya says, “WILL DO! *starts packing up*”

In the far reaches of the Moors today, there were reports of a scabies outbreak. While no one knows what scabies is, we are certain the poor Frogloks are weathering it with calm perseverance.

In recent events, Pallidmortis is once again free to terrorize Freeport – while this is a goal most of the city have, there is tell that he does it better. Anyone with news regarding his whereabouts is expected to keep their mouths shut and ears open, lest he find you, and talk to you, and get you to do things. Like paint the KoF hall pink. This is frowned upon, and I am fairly certain has fines as well.

In incidental news, the NMN is expecting kickbacks for helping officers meet their qoutas this month. Anyone with suggestions on what to ask for, please bring a bucket of paint to the Knights hall.”

In efforts to not be so clean and posh, Qeynos prepares their first annual Litter Day. While turnout is expected to be bad, we are fairly certain they have been wanting to do this for some time. Anyone wishing to see the bright city dirty, please bring your trash there tomorrow at noon. There will be an opening ceremony, a band, and trash everywhere. The following day is the Cleaners Union day. This is not a coincidence.

In sports, the Halasian Waterpolo team goes head to head with the Maj’Dul team again, though this time on land, and in tug of war. Asked why such a dramatic change from the usual, the Halas team mentions something about needing more time to chum the water before the match. While not very subtle, we respect their dedication to winning. Halas – Winning At All Costs.

The Guktan health society issues a warning about trying to kiss Elves. All frogloks are advised to cease the activity at once, as it is unknown what they pointy-ears might have.

There has been a sudden shift in the amount of culture now permitted in Sebilis. Instead of only learning how to bash things, the younglings will now learn how to thrash as well. We suspect there is a style shift in the music that is permitted.