Forum » Topic: Christians clinch Santa dealhttp://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5568
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fun and games on "Christians clinch Santa deal"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5568#post-15317
Thu, 03 Jun 2010 21:16:42 +0000fun and games15317@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>You have some great ideas there Arthur even if there is a sense of deja lu in places.
</p>arthurminnit on "Christians clinch Santa deal"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5568#post-15288
Thu, 03 Jun 2010 18:44:27 +0000arthurminnit15288@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>A couple more ideas in a similar vein:<br />
Christians beaten by Lions in last 16 of a vicious encounter in which the Christians really showed their teeth.<br />
Muslims (Palestinian Division) kitted out in Gaza strip[b][u]. Supporters tend to be fanatics.<br />
Catholics' matches could also have Confessional Booth pitchside to help atone for particualry rash challenges (or perhaps for 'diving').<br />
4 Hare Krishna players given yellow cards after goal celebrations go on for too long. </p>
<p>Gazza's strip, surely?
</p>thackaray on "Christians clinch Santa deal"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5568#post-15279
Thu, 03 Jun 2010 18:13:50 +0000thackaray15279@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Good story and have quite a few stars.</p>
<p>I'm sure I remember a World Cup themed story which made the front page a few years ago: I can't remember if it was about Terrorists or Religion.
</p>Zadok the second on "Christians clinch Santa deal"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5568#post-15274
Thu, 03 Jun 2010 18:03:20 +0000Zadok the second15274@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Cheers all - had a go at a re-write:</p>
<p><strong>First Inter-faith world cup marred by scandal</strong></p>
<p>Tonight, the future of the Religion v Religion World Cup lies in the hands of one man – Santa.</p>
<p>Scandal after scandal has dogged this tournament. First, a friendly derby between Shi’ia and Sunni ended with a no-hands draw. The late imposition of a strict no-mother policy led to the withdrawal of the Jewish side, and the Catholic team are still under investigation thanks to an overenthusiastic under-16 recruitment philosophy.</p>
<p>Hare Krishna United, the team widely tipped as contenders to win the cup, have been banned from holding goal celebrations that go on longer than the match itself, and the Zen Buddhist team have been warned that their equivocal stance towards winning throws ‘a cloud of suspicion’ over their inclusion. The Ras’tafari have failed to turn up to a single match on time, and Guru Nanak has received a red card for his use of inappropriate language towards another player.</p>
<p>Then, Judas Iscariot’s refusal to play up front next to Jesus resulted in a suspension, but no-one expected local amateur Barrabas to step into the breach. Interim manager for the Christians, Pontius Pilate, is washing his hands of the whole tournament. In a surprise move, rumoured to be worth in excess of 4.2 million indulgences, Father Christmas has been bought by the Christians. </p>
<p>Saint Nick’s appointment casts doubts over the career of long-term striker Jesus Christ. "Christ is frankly looking a bit tired" commented John, Matthew, Mark and Luke. "The Christians have clearly been suffering at the hands of several newer and more dynamic religions, including Islam, Shinto Buddhism and Homebase. It was about time they smartened up the squad and got some new transsubstantiated blood in."</p>
<p>But as the dust settles on one of the most barbaric semi-finals ever staged as part of the religion world cup (are Lions even allowed to play?), pundit Richard Dawkins has cast doubt on the very existence of most of the teams.</p>
<p>Extensive research has shown that Homebase are in fact the only team able to prove their existence. “We genuinely have more than 4 million people supporting us every Sunday” their marketing manager was quick to point out.
</p>fun and games on "Christians clinch Santa deal"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5568#post-15222
Thu, 03 Jun 2010 13:44:56 +0000fun and games15222@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>A couple more ideas in a similar vein:<br />
Christians beaten by Lions in last 16 of a vicious encounter in which the Christians really showed their teeth.<br />
Muslims (Palestinian Division) kitted out in Gaza strip. Supporters tend to be fanatics.<br />
Catholics' matches could also have Confessional Booth pitchside to help atone for particualry rash challenges (or perhaps for 'diving').<br />
4 Hare Krishna players given yellow cards after goal celebrations go on for too long.
</p>Stan on "Christians clinch Santa deal"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5568#post-15169
Thu, 03 Jun 2010 10:11:20 +0000Stan15169@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Would like to think that Richard Dawkins could put in an appearance. Either as a TV pundit or refereeing the Cup Final?
</p>editor on "Christians clinch Santa deal"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5568#post-15162
Thu, 03 Jun 2010 09:44:14 +0000editor15162@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>This is a good idea but seems to be hiding behind a great idea. 'World Cup re-organised along Religious Lines.'</p>
<p>It would be great to read how things went in the first ever global inter-faith football tournament. Niggly quarter final between shias and shi'ites, three red cards for the notorious dirty Quakers, and a certain amount of scandal surrounding the Catholic team and their youth policy. </p>
<p>That feels like a story that would be tweeted around the world! Go on Zadok give it a go... other suggestions welcome...
</p>PluckyMunky on "Christians clinch Santa deal"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5568#post-15160
Thu, 03 Jun 2010 09:27:47 +0000PluckyMunky15160@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Excellent, Mr Priest. Have a handful of stars.</p>
<p>My only slight worry is that I thought Santa was a fictional character. I love 'Homebase' as a religion, though and 'transsubstantiated blood'. Thanks.
</p>Zadok the second on "Christians clinch Santa deal"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5568#post-15158
Thu, 03 Jun 2010 09:23:06 +0000Zadok the second15158@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p><strong>Father Christmas insists joining Christianity was always his preferred choice.</strong></p>
<p>In a surprise move, rumoured to be worth in excess of 4.2 million indulgences, Father Christmas has been bought by the Christians. Manager Pope Benedict the 16th said in a press statement that there was a 'natural fit' between the jolly giver of gifts and the Christian team.</p>
<p>Santa, also known as Saint Nick, is expected to head up the Catholic A-team, casting doubts over the career of long-term striker Jesus Christ. "Christ is frankly looking a bit tired" commented John, Matthew, Mark and Luke, who have been pundits at religious knock-out tournaments since the championship began. "The Christians have clearly been suffering at the hands of several newer and more dynamic religions, including Islam, Shinto Buddhism and Homebase. It was about time they smartened up the squad and got some new transsubstantiated blood in."</p>
<p>Santa is the latest in a long line of Judeo-Christian sporting figures. Previous heroes include Moses - famous for the water-parting trick - and before him, Boat-builder Noah. But this will be the first time that the team have opened with a genuinely secular player.</p>
<p>Father Christmas's traditional style of dropping down the chimney and leaving presents around the pitch should ensure the team get through the first round, but there are question-marks over the tubby man's long-term fitness. But Santa himself is very excited about the future: "The possibility of reindeer on the subs bench suggests that a whole new era of inter-species religiosity might not be far away, ho ho ho" he chortled.
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