Beyond parody

· Judges for the University of the Third Age newsletter competition gathered last week at the national office in Bromley to decide which of the 100-plus entries from local U3As across the country was the best. They were struck by the one from Devizes U3A, until they noticed that the group leader for extreme exercise was called Ben Dover, that etiquette was being taught by Hugo First, and lumberjack history by Tim Burr. The clue came on page 2: it was a spoof newsletter, specially designed for the competition. You have to watch these retired folk; you can't leave them to their own Devizes.

· Notebook's old friend the Ventnor Blogger is in a state of high excitement about the defection of four Conservative councillors on the Isle of Wight (which is where the charming little town of Ventnor is to be found). They resigned in disgust at plans by the Tory-controlled council to close at least 22 of the island's 48 primary schools, and to merge Medina and Carisbrooke high schools. The closure of the primary schools would leave rural areas of the island without a social focus and force young children to travel long distances, says the blogger. The two high schools, neither of which are faith schools, are to be merged to make a faith school under the council's plan. Is the next step an academy? Maybe, the council's press officer has told the Ventnor Blogger, but the blogger has tasted blood now, and won't let go. You can follow his campaign at http://ventnorblog.com.

· McDonald's has some way to go before it would be allowed to open up a Hamburger University in the UK like the one it runs in Illinois. There are strict Privy Council rules about using the university title. But the fast-food chain has arguably taken a step closer. It has officially become an "awarding body". It has just been approved by the Quality and Curriculum Authority to hand out qualifications for the quango's new qualifications and credit framework, as have the budget airline FlyBe and Network Rail. So, that will be two McNVQs with fries, please.

· Recent reports tell us that measures will be taken to prevent young people using knives in schools. Meanwhile, the government announces more compulsory cookery lessons for pupils. Notebook can only assume that will be cookery without knives.