Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard Hands-on

More than your average third-person shooter, Eat Lead casts you as Hazard, a cognizant videogame character who used to be the biggest star in the gaming world. After a series of misguided spin-offs ruined his good name (Haz-Matt Carts? Really, Matt?), Hazard slipped into obscurity until the software company that owns the hero was bought and the new powers that be demanded Matt suit up for a curent-gen adventure. Once inside the game, Matt discovers the new boss is out to end the hero's life and has brought back all of Hazard's old foes -- folks such as Altos Tratus.

A JRPG god that looks like he could be ripped from whatever crazy turn-based game IGN Editor Ryan Clements is currently playing -- see: long white hair, fishnet half shirt, and gigantic sword -- Tratus served as the boss in the level I got to play during a recent demo. Set in a mana potion factory, Hazard blasts his way through a number of bad guys and finally comes across Altos frozen in a block of ice. The sword-wielder breaks free of his prison and enters into a conversation with Hazard.

Of course while Matt's evolved over the years, his friends and enemies haven't necessarily followed suit. Back in the battles before Altos, Hazard was running into his pixilated, 2D solider foes from Secret Soldiers of the Wafferthinn, who could turn to the left of right and become nearly invisible thanks to their paper-thin width. In the same vein, Tratus took the traditional JRPG approach and never learned to speak -- he'll only communicate with Hazard through blue boxes of text that Hazard has to advance by pressing a big button in front of him.

If that doesn't play on paper, take my word for it being pretty funny in the game.

Tratus goes on to wax intellectual with phrases such as "… given me by the Great Ones who guide our destinies" and "...seventeen times has she crested the east," while Matt's forced to tap along with his gun in hand. When our hero corners Tratus on the logic that this character knows what he's doing is wrong and thus shouldn't kill for the new owner, Tratus responds with an ellipsis.

"An ellipsis? What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Hazard explodes.

From there the fight is on, and it's pretty straightforward -- operating off the old school pattern mentality, Tratus calls down meteor showers, unleashes sword blasts, calls in space marines, and more -- but it's the little JRPG nods that make the battle funny. Aside from swinging his sword that's way too big, Tratus' HP is displayed for Matt to see in a floating blue box complete with Tratus' photo. Occasionally the enemy would cast a healing spell and Matt will have the opportunity to shoot the healing hearts that are slowly making their way toward the villain. Break the hearts, and there'll be no healing.

Once I got my hands on the controller to take on the Russian soldiers and headshot-only zombies that lead up to the Tratus fight, Eat Lead's buttons and stick scheme made me feel at home. Like you'd expect, Eat Lead plays like most third-person shooters. Your shoulder buttons aim, reload, shoot, and sprint, but where Eat Lead differentiates from the formula is when it comes to cover. With a button tap, you can take cover behind a box or whatever, but by aiming at an object and pressing Y or Triangle (depending on your system), Matt will run to the locale and hunker down.

E-mail us one of the hundred awesome captions we could've put here.

There was plenty of shooting and interesting enemies from Hazard's past that led up to the Tratus fight. Making my way through the warehouse, I was confronted by neon soldiers from Soak'em, Matt's attempt at a non-lethal squirt gun videogame. Even though the enemies have to pump their firearms like an old school Super Soaker, the guns are now fairly deadly and cause Matt to take damage. Of course, there are a number of nifty power-ups for Matt to grab and unleash on the enemies. During my run, I found the Master Shield and was impervious to enemy attacks. When I ran into the Maximum Hazard power-up, suddenly Matt's melee attacks knocked enemies into the air or threw them dozens of feet backward. Meanwhile, every enemy you beat breaks down into Matrix-like code that feeds into Matt's weapons. When the bonus meter is full, you can choose to make your bullets fire or ice laced.

I've still only got to see glimpses of Eat Lead, but it seems like the title could actually have some solid laughs for nerds like me. Sure, the gameplay itself hasn't seemed revolutionary yet, but the humor is there -- did I mention a Mario-like guy owns the mana warehouse and left a scene with Matt by hitting an exclamation point and disappearing through a warp pipe that appeared? Plus, Will Arnett is voicing Matt, and Will Arnett is the man.