A guy with a black eye is waiting for a train and sees another guy with a black eye sit down and wait too. After a while he asks "I gotta ask how did you get your black eye?" "Well I went to order my ticket and the hot blonde behind the desk had large breasts and I slipped 'One ticket to Titsburgh", so she hit me. And you?" 'Funny, almost the exact same thing! I was at home having dinner with my wife and went to ask 'would you please pass the salt', but ended up saying 'You f-ing b*** you ruined my life!"

If you think life is bad... How would you like to be an egg? You only get laid once. You only get eaten once. It takes 4 minutes to get hard. Only 2 minutes to get soft. You share your box with 11 other guys. But worst of all. The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother. So cheer up... Your life ain't that bad!

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