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Football Chants

The NFL has Cheerleaders and firechiefs who yell J.E.T.S...Jets Jets Jets. European Football has hilarious and vicious songs that offend visiting fans and degrade players to levels unthinkable in the US. Yep, Europe wins.

Just The Facts

Unlike in American Sports, European Football fans don't need scantily clad women to lead them in chanting.

When it comes to European Football, even children are encouraged to sing filthy chants degrading others.

Some of these chants are so over the top hilarious that we're pretty sure Eddie Izzard must have writen them.

Cracked on Football Chants

Americans proud themselves on doing sports right. Look at college football where basically even the uber rich get into the game of supporting their teams. Unfortunately that's all at the pre-game tailgate. During the actual game fans basically come dressed in their team's uniform and slap high-fives every time their team scores as if they had something to do with it. Worst yet, at NBA games they play Rap Music at extremely high levels DURING THE ACTUAL GAME ITSELF. We're not talking about during timeouts and such, but when a team actually has the ball. What America really needs is fans that sing really offensive songs to try to get under the skin of the opposing players. Something better then a drunken fan in row one shouting "Yankees Suck." As with our language and society in general, let's just steal what the British do best... football chants. Oh, and yeah, other Europeans and South Americans sing chants just as well as the English fans, but to understand them would require us to be motivated to learn another language and we're just too lazy.

English Fans Clap and Sing Offensive Chants at Games . NFL's Oakland Raiders Fans Just Dress and Smell Offensive

In the Liverpool slums,
They knock on the door when they want something to eat,
They find a dead rat and they think it's a treat,
In the Liverpool slums.

In the Liverpool slums,
Your Mum's on the beat and your Dad's in the nick,
You can't find a job 'coz you're too fuckin thick,
In the Liverpool slums-- Manchester United Fans when they're playing Liverpool FC

He's half a boy and half a girl,
Torres! Torres!
He looks just like a transvestite,
Torres! Torres!
He wears a frock,
He loves the cock,
He sells his arse on Albert Dock
Fernando Torres, Carragher's bit on the side --Manchester United Fans about Liverpool's star player.

"Sol, Sol, wherever you may be
You're on the verge of lunacy
And we don't give a fuck if you're hanging from a tree
You Judas cunt with HIV." --Spurs fans about Former Player Sol Campbell who left to play for another team and then had a mental breakdown.

"Who's that dying on the runway?
Who's that dying in the snow?
It's Matt Busby and his boys
making such a fucking noise
coz they can't get their aeroplane to go!"--Manchester City fans after Manchester United's Plane Crashed and killed several players in 1958.

"Always look on the runway for ice..." (to the tune of Monty Python's "always look on the bright side of life") by several other clubs also about the United plane crash.

"Two Andy Gorams, there's only two Andy Gorams"

After he revealed he had a mild form of schizophrenia (it's traditional to sing a song about a great player like Wayne Rooney and sing "There's only one Wayne Rooney")

Lee Hughes is a wanker,
He plays for Albion,
His girlfriend is a prostitute,
Who comes from Birmingham,

She dances on the tables,
Her tits and arse on show,
And if you wanna shag her,
It's twenty pence a go.

"Two World Wars and One World Cup"-- Chant by English fans when they play Germany.

Someone forgot to Tell the English That World Wars Weren't Football Games and Vice Versa.

Chants About Your Own Players/Fans

Sometimes fans sing songs about their own players. Usually these are simply boasting about how great they are... but sometimes they go beyond simple praise.

Manchester United used to feature American Tim Howard as Goalkeeper. As you will see they were real sensitive about his struggles with Tourettes.

Chants Sung About Other People Who Aren't Even Playing Your Team and/or Loved Ones

I Love Tottenham More Then You.

Tottenham Spurs fans sung this at an away UEFA Cup match on Valentines Day knowing their wives and girlfriends would be watching on TV.

We've all had you're missus, We've all had you're missusCambridge United Fans sung this while another Cambridge United Fan proposed to his girlfriend at on field at half time.

You don't know what your doingBy Coventry fans when a bride and groom appeared on the pitch, away at Charlton. (Traditionally the chant "you don't know what your doing" is sung by home fans to their own coach when they are really displeased with how the season is going).

Is that all she gets at home? Is that all she gets at home? --Chelsea Fans to a male streaker who had run on field.

"We've All Had Your Wife... She Was Terrible"

Chants That Make No Sense Whatsoever (but are sung because they're funny)

Celery! Celery!
If she don't come
I'll tickle her bum
with a lump of celery-- Chelsea fans sing this for no particular reason.