Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Crazy Knows No Bounds: Part Two

We left off the last post with the news of the Worthless Co-Worker turning in her resignation and the fact that she's getting married. (See previous post if you haven't kept up.)

I lamented the fact to not being at work Monday and seeing the boss and her in action when she broke this news to him. The comedy of them two arguing all day over her idiocy is, quite frankly, a lot of fun for me to witness at times. I'm sure I'll get to see more of it though, since her last day of work is apparently November 27th.

Hang on here a second folks. I'm hungry and there's ice cream in the freezer. You're just going to have to wait for a bit for me to finish this post. (Why yes, I do think some of you people are psychic, or something, and can actually see this post as it's being written. I can actually see the look on your faces as the words appear here as my fingers race sputter across my keyboard. Just relax, I eat ice cream rather quickly.)

I have to tell you this Country Rich Chocolate Revel Ice Cream is great stuff. It's even the "Original Taste" as per the container. While I can't attest to the taste of the "Unoriginal Taste" they must have once sold, this stuff is good.

So good as a matter of fact, could you folks possibly wait a little longer if I got a second bowl?

No?

Fricken babies.

Where were we?

Oh yes, the fantasy world of the Worthless Co-Worker and her latest revelation stupidity.

So I got a second phone call on Monday from work. It was from her naturally, and placed after the boss went home for the day. It started out innocently enough though... as you're about to witness.

(That's if I can get my mind off of ice cream. But damn, that was a mighty tasty treat. And yes, I still want a second bowl you big babies. Okay, okay, no more ice cream. But I am going to take a smoke break or two here. There are some type of labor laws that can be applied here, or something.)

I know, I know, the phone call is what you're here for, so here it is. (And as always, we're relying on my incredible memory, but it'll be fairly accurate.)

Worthless Co-Worker: Hey! Can you do me a favor?Me: No, I'm not walking you down the aisle.Worthless Co-Worker: So (store manager ) already told you, huh?Me:Yup.Worthless Co-Worker: I'm not calling about that. I need a favor.Me:What?

Worthless Co-Worker: Can we trade shifts on Thursday. I have my belly dance class that night.

Me: Sure.

Worthless Co-Worker: Really, you'll switch?

Me: I don't really care what shift I work. You know that. So, yes.

Worthless Co-Worker: Great! How was your day off by the way?

Me: Better than yours from what I've heard.

Worthless Co-Worker: What did (store manager) tell you?

Me: How did you get knocked up by the way?

Worthless Co-Worker: I'm not pregnant. Why did he tell you that!?!?

Me: He didn't. It's just a random question I thought I'd throw at you.

Worthless Co-Worker: Oh. So what did he tell you?

Me: You're quitting and getting married.

Worthless Co-Worker: Is that it?

Me: Well no, he had plenty to say, but that's just it in a nutshell.

Worthless Co-Worker: I know you've got things to say about it. Might as well get it out of the way.

Me: Nope.

Worthless Co-Worker: You don't?

Me: I'm not into wasting my time.

Worthless Co-Worker: What do you mean by that?

Me: You're going to go through with this no matter what I say. You're the type of person who has to learn everything the hard way. So I'm not into wasting my time with an idiot.

Worthless Co-Worker: What do you mean I'm an idiot?

Me: Just that simple question alone is enough evidence of your ignorance.

Worthless Co-Worker: No one supports me. My family, friends, and you guys at work. Why can't you be happy for me?

Me: Trust me there are levels of happiness here just simply knowing you're quitting. You know exactly what I think and would say about this. And it wouldn't change a thing.

Worthless Co-Worker: You've never liked me.

Me: Untrue. You just don't matter to me. There's really no like or dislike involved. To me you alternate between being a mild irritant to mildly amusing. Nothing more, nothing less. I just simply have to work with you. I'm not responsible for your actions, or lack of them, at work. Basically, you're not my problem.

Worthless Co-Worker: That's kind of mean.

Me: Possibly.

Worthless Co-Worker: What if I told you I'd listen to you?

Me: Trust me (Worthless Co-Worker), I'd love to tell you about life in general. But your sense of reality is non-existent, hence I'm not into wasting my time.

Worthless Co-Worker: You don't understand. I've prayed about this and God has told me he's the one.

Me: So what does God say about him having three felony convictions, the fact that he has nothing to do with his children, the fact that he denies that three of them are actually his, and that his mail all originates from Tennessee and he lives in New Mexico? I could go on, but how about just these things?

Worthless Co-Worker: I've told you he's explained all of those things.

Me: Forget it. No wait..... Just tell me how the two of you are going to Israel to get married when he can't even afford to pay for a hotel when he comes here for Thanksgiving to see you?

Worthless Co-Worker: That's all taken care of.

Me: Uh huh. Did he win the lottery?

Worthless Co-Worker: I put the plane tickets on my credit card.

Me: You've got to be kidding me.

Worthless Co-Worker: No, and he's sure he'll be able to cover hotel and food expenses once we get there.

Me: I'm hanging up now. You're a total waste of time.

Worthless Co-Worker: Wait...

Me: No, bye, see you Thursday at work.

Worthless Co-Worker: Um. Okay.

The best part of working (later) today is the fact I'll see neither her, or the boss. For some reason I'm working an open to close shift by myself. My sanity will remain intact for one day anyway.

This is getting good-kind of taking my mind off of the idiots that run our government here...I hope you keep in touch with her-I'd love to hear what happens in Israel. You've got us hooked on this story now...!

You know what, you should write her a book - everything you wrote about her on this blog. And more experiences you had working with her. Then give it to her as a gift for her wedding. She'll feel special ;)

First I'd just like to go on the record as saying I do not begrudge you the first bowl of ice cream, the second bowl or ice cream or the various smoke breaks. Just so we're clear.Second-WCW has sky-rocketed to a new level of idiocy. It's really quite impressive. I'm sure she'll end up on the news at some point-sooner rather than later I'm sure. I love that she calls you to discuss all this as if you give a crap...

Hmm.... just did a quick check at Priceline. She just dropped between 2400 and a little over three grand for those tickets. What do you want to bet he has them delivered to him well before the day arrives and they get cashed back in?

So my first thought is that she is *maybe* in some small, dark corner of her brain is thinking something doesn't seem right. But she's such an idiot I don't know that she gets anything. Hey--maybe she can be your penpal!