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Thursday, 30 August 2012

Camp Nano is nearly over! :(

Hello,
With the end of the month nearing closer and that 50,000 mark only about a thousand words away i thought i'd share with you guys a really important extract in my book, mostly because it is one of the most important parts so it needs to be just right, it is a very touchy subject too but I argued with myself on whether to include it and it is just way to influentional to my charecters to not be included, so I'm hoping that you haven't already got bored and decided not to help me as I'd love it if I could get some feedback on it. Here it is:) :

She laughed and we left the ally way
slowly being sure to not draw any attention to ourselves in the process. I gave
Elsie my jacket so she could hide her dress, it looked too much like the swing
kids and they'd spot us a mile away. She held my hand tightly the whole way
home; I kept praying that none of the SS would spot us or at least that I
wouldn’t see Josef lurking around, but my prayers weren’t answered just as we
turned around a corner we saw Josef with some young teenage girl who he had
pinned against the wall, I could hear her crying and I looked at Elsie quickly,
I knew she was going to say something and Josef hadn’t noticed us yet so I
covered her mouth with my hand and pulled her back round the corner, I could
hear her making small screams for the girl who was with Josef, I knew exactly
what was happening behind the corner, I remember Josef bragging about it to me
when we were just teenagers.

“She was helpless” He would tell me
“Couldn’t even stop me, she hardly even put up a fight everything worked out perfectly, and I
got exactly what I wanted.”

I listened to Josef around the corner
as he attempted to get what he wanted from her.

“You’re just a worthless Jew, this is
your fault that I have to do this to you, you forced me to.” Josef shouted at
the girl.

She begged for mercy for him to just
take her to the gestapo but he wasn’t listening to her, there was only one
thing he wanted from her and he wasn’t going to let her go without getting it.
We had to stay there while he violently violated the girl, I had to keep my
hand over Elsie’s mouth as it happened, and she kept covering her ears trying to
block the girl’s screams out. She was obviously failing as I felt her tears
dropping on my hand. Every now and then she’d try to get away from me, to go
help the girl but I held her back because I knew that if she did, She kicked me
a few times in the crotch but I kept holding onto her through the pain, she
wouldn’t save that girl, she’d just get herself into the same position.

After Josef had gotten what he wanted
from the girl I heard him throw her to the floor.

“That’s the only thing you’re good
for, remember that when the gestapo get hold of you.”

When I was confident that he’d left I
let go of Elsie and she ran around the corner as quickly as she could and sat
by the girl’s side, who even though she didn’t know who Elsie was still took
hold of her and cried big tears onto her stomach.

Hope you like it and please it would be incredibly helpful if you could leave some feedback in the comments:)

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About Me

My name's Jess and I'm a writer, I've always wanted to write and have been doing so actively for the past 2 years. I mostly write romance because I'm a hopeless romantic. I also procrastinate a lot so I hardly get anything done.I hope you enjoy my writing.