May 12, 2016

A Whirlwind Romance And A Change Of The Heart

We were inseparable. This man of my dreams came in and took over my heart!

This wonderful man has a name, his name is Mike. Actually, his name is Kenneth. I found that out later on…we were around some of his friends and people kept calling him Ken, and he'd respond like it was no big deal. I thought what in the world is going on here? Two identities? Maybe this guy isn’t who he says he is…I was a bit confused. I finally asked him about it. He just laughed and explained that his first name is Kenneth, and his middle name is Micheal. Kenneth is also his dad’s name, so family and close friends have always called him Mike. But work friends or friends from school would call him Ken. I met him as Mike, so he’s always been that to me. I could never imagine calling him Ken. So weird, right?

Anyway, Mike was working down in San Diego at the time. So we talked on the phone every night and he would drive 2-3 hours home every weekend just to see me. We would spent almost the entire weekend together before he had to head back down to work. I still couldn’t believe this was happening! We got along so great! The weekends were always too short.

My mom really liked him. They got along pretty well. It wasn't surprising, Mike is such a fun and likeable guy. But they had one more thing in common...they both liked to smoke pot (aka marijuana) a lot! I don’t even know how it happened but on one occasion when he came over we all ended up smoking pot together. Yeah... just weird, I know. But hey, if you've read the other chapters of my life story, you'll know I didn’t really have the most normal life. So I guess it fits right into place here. I didn’t really know the depth of his habit, but I wasn’t too worried about it. We were busy having too much fun together!

We’d been going out together for a couple of months, when out of nowhere, he blew me off. We were supposed to go out and he didn’t show. I called his house and his parents said he was out. Huh? What was the deal? I actually drove by his house and he wasn’t there. I didn’t know what to think. I was kinda mad.

Finally, he called me the next day. Something wasn’t right….. He ended up telling me he went out with his old girlfriend, to see how he felt about her, plus she ‘needed him’ that night. He felt obligated because he still cared for her and loved her. I was pretty pissed. I asked him if he loved me? He said, "Yes!". I asked, "Who are you ‘in love with’, because there’s a difference between loving someone because you care for them and being 'in love' with them romantically". I also told him he needed to figure things out, because he can’t have it both ways. He needs to decide who he’s ‘in love with’. If it’s her, fine, then don’t ever call me again. We will be done and over with. If it’s me then, it’s only me, you can't date her too. The ball was in his court. He said he needed some time to think things through.

Omg! What was going on?? What happened? I thought we were doing so well! We got along so great! We were having so much fun… I never saw this coming. I knew about this girl. They were a thing about 6 months ago. He thought she was the ‘one’… Then she lost some weight, was in a beauty pageant, started getting attention from other guys and dumped him. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it… Ugh. I didn’t want to lose this guy, but I wasn’t about to get in the middle of this mess. It was me or her, no two ways about it. I was done with games.

He called me the next day and wanted to come over. He told me that he ended it completely with her and that he was ‘in love with’ me. He was sorry he hurt me, but that he was so confused, but when I talked to him about the different ways to love it made sense to him. That’s how he knew he was in love with me. I was so glad, because I was head over heels in love with this man.

Matters of the heart can be so confusing sometimes.

About this same time, God had been working on my heart. I had told Mike, about everything that had happened with the whole church thing. But now I felt this need to go back to church. I was learning that God would never hurt me or fail me, but that ‘man’ always would. It’s in our nature. God wasn’t responsible for what happened to me, ‘man’ was. I felt this urge to go and make things right. It was time. I had no peace. I wasn’t truly happy. Yes, Mike was awesome and I had never been happier in my life. But where was my joy. Happiness comes and goes with circumstances. Happiness is unpredictable. Joy is deeper, it’s what sustains me, holds me together. Joy defeats, happiness covers up. Joy is lasting, happiness is temporary. There is a definable difference between the two. My joy wasn’t there. I needed to find it again and there’s only one place to go. The cross…. Jesus holds my joy.

I went back, I asked God to forgive me for abandoning Him. I went back and began to forgive others for hurting me. It felt so good. I was whole again. Thank you, Lord, you are forever faithful.

So…what was Mike going to think? I told him that I loved him, but that I wanted to go back to church and work on my relationship with God. He was fine with it! I was surprised! He told me that anything that has to do with God is a good thing. He was all for it. So, then I told him that I wasn’t going to drink, smoke and party with him anymore either… He told me that was fine. Seriously, I was pretty sure he was going to dump me. He could easily find another girl to party with and have fun. I had prepared myself for it.

I started attending church again, yes…. that same church. There were a few staff changes and I felt I needed to be there. God was still working on me. So, when Mike asked me what I was doing Sunday night, I told him I was going to church. He said, “Okay, just call me when your done and we can hang out”. Sounded good to me. This went on for a couple of weeks. He was still hanging around. He started asking me questions about church and God. Eventually, he asked if he could come along with me to church. Wow! I said, “Sure!”

We had been dating about 3 months or so and we were just hanging out talking….He said something that completely rocked my world.

He told me, “I love you so much, I could marry you.” What??? Marry me? Of course, I didn’t say a thing. I was in shock. Someone could actually love me enough to marry me. I never dreamed that would happen. My upbringing being as it was, I guess I didn’t think of myself as marriage material. To want to spend the rest of your life with someone? No one would want to spend it with me. I just didn’t think it was possible ....at least not for me.

How did Mike go from almost breaking it off to wanting to marry me in a matter of weeks? It was definitely a whirlwind.... I guess we both had a change of heart... in more ways than one. :)

I just didn’t know what to think after that. I was thrilled but scared. Remember, I’ve not had the greatest track record with men. But now I was a Christ follower. I had to trust that God knew what He was doing.

Lori -thestonybrookhouse

I have been blogging for about 4 years and I enjoy sharing all the things that go on here at The Stonybrook House. From building to decorating, crafting and cooking, and so much more. I enjoy gardening and a healthy lifestyle. Most importantly I love The Lord Jesus my Savior and my wonderful hubby of 28 years!