BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:“Species” movie actress Natasha Henstridge (born Springdale NF, raised Ft McMurray AB) has signed on to star in a new NBC-TV action series called “She Spies” . . . A special episode of NBC-TV’s “The West Wing” APRIL 24TH will feature former Presidents Bill Clinton, Gerald Ford & Jimmy Carter, as well as former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, talking about their White House experiences (in a debate [or an election] ‘Jed Bartlet’ would wup ‘em all) . . . Lollapalooza won’t be returning this summer as planned, organizers saying it’s too late to put together a solid lineup but they’re already working on resurrecting the traveling alt music festival for NEXT SUMMER (the last Lolly was in 1998) . . . New mom Elizabeth Hurley has asked Elton John to be godfather to her baby son Damian, perhaps as thanks for Elton putting them up away from public view in one of his mansions (to save complications, he could be godmother too) . . . “Sesame Street” lawyers have threatened to sue over gay depictions of Muppets ‘Ernie’ and ‘Bert’ in a spoof documentary film called “Ernest and Bertram” (everyone knows Ernie dumped Bert for Tinky Winky years ago) . . . Italy’s Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, who was a nightclub entertainer in the early 1950s, is planning to write and record a pop record for charity (please don’t let Chrétien get this idea) . . . No BS — Dolly Parton has recorded a new cover version of Led Zeppelin’s classic rock hit “Stairway To Heaven” (we’d rather her Led Zep’s take on “9 to 5″) . . . Just days after guitarist Peter Buck was cleared of those air rage charges in London, REM has begun working on a new album (it’ll be their 15th, due next year) . . . “Friends” star Courteney Cox has reportedly dumped dieting and gained 7 lbs in the past month believing it might help achieve a successful pregnancy with hubby David Arquette (in her case, 7 lbs would be 10% of her body-weight) . . . And, in case you really care, ‘N Sync’s Lance Bass says Britney & Justin are ‘still bickering and not completely broken up’.

FUTURE FILMS:To play ‘Anakin Skywalker’ in the upcoming “Star Wars: Attack Of The Clones”, actor Hayden Christensen says it took a couple of hours in make-up daily to get his tan applied — Quote: “I’m supposed to be from a desert planet and I’m actually from Canada” (sunny Vancouver, in fact) . . . Kevin Costner & Robert Duvall will star in the Western “Open Range”, Costner’s first directing project since 1997’s “The Postman” (the original working title — “Money Down the Drain”) . . . A TV movie called “The Love Story of JFK Jr & Carolyn Bessett” is in the works (casting ideas, anyone?) . . . Eddie Murphy has signed on for “Shrek 2″ and will get $10 million — for providing the voice of a talking donkey (Daddy, what do you do for a living?) . . . ”Today” show host Katie Couric has a cameo role in the next “Austin Powers” (playing a perky news reporter with big teeth — what a stretch) . . . Breck Eisner, son of Disney boss Michael Eisner, may make his directorial debut on the upcoming Ice Cube movie “Big Ticket” (who the hell would name their kid ‘Breck’ – was he conceived in the shower or what?).

GIRL GETS GOOSED:It’s that time of year when you gotta be careful around Canada geese nesting grounds — in other words, any public park in the country. THIS WEEK a University of Waterloo student was the victim of a vicious attack and taken to the university’s health services clinic with minor injuries after the gander pecked her in the head and it drew blood. A barricade has been erected and a sign posted that warns: “Caution: Aggressive Geese! Due to Nesting”. (I was once attacked by a goose in an elevator.)

SHARK WARNING!Here’s another dumb invention – a shark alert service for your pager. A man in Florida has developed a new Website that will give swimmers real-time updates on sharks. Just use your pager and the site tells you when a shark is within a few feet of you. (Great, but who takes their pager with them to go swimming?)

BIG BROTHER AT THE SWITCH:Emergency specialists speaking at this week’s NAB convention in Las Vegas are touting a ‘smart receiver’ system that would automatically turn on radios and TVs during an emergency situation. Sound a little farfetched? Well guess what? – the technology’s been around since 1997. In fact, cable companies can turn on your TV set with a simple burst of reflected infrared light. In Europe, a similar system is integrated into some 95 million car stereos that will automatically switch them from playing a CD to issuing an emergency or traffic warning on radio. (Now if your station techie could just get radios to automatically switch to your show, you might have something!)

EAT YOUR VEGGIES, SMOKERS:Scientists with the American Health Foundation say new research shows that smokers who consume at least 2 servings of cruciferous vegetables (the green ones) per week have lower levels of tobacco-related toxins in their urine. It appears they change the way smoke is metabolized in the body. The ‘good’ veggies include broccoli, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, and dark greens like turnip or collard greens. (Great, but it’s harder n’ hell to light up a Brussels sprout.)

SAFE SECRET:Safe and vault technicians attending this week’s “Safetech 2002″ convention in Reno, Nevada are getting a chance to crack a safe that’s been locked up for decades. Officials from the Eagle Point Museum in Medford, Oregon found the unusual round-topped ‘cannonball’ safe in their building which used to house a bank. They say they have no idea what’s inside it. (Is Geraldo Rivera involved in this in any way?)

NIX TO EL NORTE:Under Mexican law, the Senate must authorize any presidential trips outside of Mexico. For the first time it has stopped a leader from leaving the country, voting down President Vicente Fox’s request to travel to Calgary, Vancouver, Seattle and San Francisco NEXT WEEK. Why? They say the trip doesn’t appear to be worth the money. (We need this here! We could save a lot on vacations . . . er, official visits to Africa and other exotic locales!)

THE GUILD OF GONDOLIERS:30 young gondoliers and guides in Venice, Italy have drawn up a code of conduct — for attracting foreign women. The group claims the custom of picking up women is an integral part of the local tourist industry and says it uses mobile phones and e-mail to record conquests and sightings of new tourists. The new rule book includes a ban on splitting up couples and tips on how to attract women from different nationalities. According to the gondolier guide, Australian and Canadian women usually give in after one romantic dinner or gondola ride, but it takes at least 3 dinners for a gondolier to woo a Latina woman. (Actually it depends on the size of his oar.)

MAKEUP WARNING:A new book to be published NEXT MONTH called “Drop Dead Gorgeous” claims everyday cosmetics and beauty products contain potentially lethal toxins. The authors say modern cosmetics contain a host of synthetic ingredients which are inexpensive, stable and have a long shelf life, but can end up absorbed by the body. Lipstick is one of the main offenders — the average woman swallows 4lbs of it in her lifetime, which could lead to a build-up of toxins. The authors also warn that hair sprays, perfumes and powders are inhaled, while mascara can be absorbed by membranes in the eyes. Nail polish, they claim, contains toluene, which has made animals miscarry, and many anti-bacterial soaps can damage the kidneys. (But the most potentially dangerous and damaging feature of makeup is – it attracts men.)

TODAY is “8-Track Tape Day”, a time for nostalgic memories of the old cartridge tape format. Get listeners to flip through their dusty tapes and call in some of the weirder titles.

TODAY is “Barbershop Quartet Day”, honoring the 1938 founding of SPEBSQSA (“Society for the Preservation and Encouragement of Barber Shop Quartet Singing in America”, in Tulsa. So altogether now — hmmmm.

THIS MONTH is “Knuckles Down Month”, honoring the great old game of ‘marbles’. The earliest marbles ever found was a set of rounded, semi-precious stones buried with an Egyptian child in 3000 BC. The use of marbles developed independently in virtually every ancient culture — they’ve been found in North American earthen mounds and the Zulus played a form of marbles golf. Japan developed the ‘cat’s-eye’ marble (with crossed color bands inside a clear globe) in the early 1950s — and dominated the market until US manufacturers were able to copy the process.

AND REMEMBER . . .[Fri] Vote Lawyers Out of Office Day
[Fri] Teens Against Zits Day
[Fri] Audubon Day
[Sun] Juno Awards (St John’s NF)
[Sun] NHL regular season ends
[Mon] Boston Marathon
[Mon] Tax Day USA
Building Safety Week (watch out for that – aggghhhhhhhh!)
National Garden Week (I gotta brown thumb — if I attempted a rock garden it would die)
Holy Humor Month (now there’s an idea – religion with a sense of humor)
Pet First Aid Awareness Month (appropriately a zookeeper in Hanover, Germany saved the life of a newborn tapir THIS WEEK by giving it — ew — mouth-to-mouth resuscitation)

BULL’S BITS . . .
WHAT BODY PREFERENCES SAY ABOUT YOU:
According to psychologist Dr Herbert Hoffman, what a woman prefers in a man’s body reveals her personality. For instance –
• Bulging muscles — She’s playful, a bit naive and hangs on to many childhood fantasies.
• Clean, white teeth – She’s full of energy, values good health, strives for moderation and likes to be in the mainstream.
• Broad shoulders – She’s a delightful companion, entertaining, amusing, well informed, very feminine and relies on her charm to get others to cater to her.
• Narrow waist & thin hips – She has great drive and energy, but prefers to avoid the limelight and help her man succeed.
• Manicured hands & nails – She is artistic, creative, cultured and constantly seeking self-improvement.
• Dreamy eyes – She is loyal, trustworthy, reliable, intuitive and sensitive and rarely takes things at face value.
• Thick curly hair – She is outgoing, enthusiastic and affectionate and enjoys physical closeness.
• Sensuous mouth & lips – She’s a terrific conversationalist who believes in communicating her feelings and thoughts and expects other people to do the same.
• Very thin build – She has a self-sacrificing nature and strong maternal instincts.
• Very heavy build – She is a luxury-loving woman who wants to enjoy life to its fullest and is worried about financial security.
• Very tall build — She’s a decisive woman who’s in command of her own life and isn’t likely to be intimidated by anyone.
• Very short build – She is a very self confident woman who’s extremely capable of making her own way in the world.

BS PHONE STARTER:” What annoyance at work absolutely drives you to distraction?” (A new survey of office employees finds these are some of the top annoyances — stolen staplers, mobile phones ringing, unclaimed documents on the photocopier, and co-workers who take long lunches, grovel to the boss, or gossip loudly. Geez, makes you wanna bring your Uzi to work, don’t it?)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:Here’s a new BS daily feature — each day we’ll give you an oddball question to lay on your listeners at a specific time each morning. Encourage them to discuss it with others and submit an answer via e-mail or on your recording line. You might publish the question on your Website, too. The next day you give the answer and pick one of the correct entries to win your daily prize. Here’s our first Water Cooler Question –
Lets hope you never have to go to the hospital but if you do, male hospital patients do this twice as much as female patients. [Answer in tomorrow’s BS.]