Donald Trump Is Suing Bill Maher For $5M Because He’s Not An Orangutan

The “Birther” movement is one of the more shameful things that somehow still exists in our country, typically consisting of racist people who think that the best way to get Obama out of office is by “proving” he wasn’t born here, no matter how much documentation shows otherwise and despite no other president being faced with so much ridiculous questioning on the location of his birth. By all means, criticize him and the government to your heart’s content! But don’t pretend that his birth place is somehow the most significant thing about this argument. As we all know, one of the most obnoxious perpetuators of this theory is Donald Trump, but when somebody else decided to question his birth’s circumstances, he seems to have gotten a little upset.

Remember how a few months ago, Trump declared that he would donate $5 million to charity if Obama released his college transcripts? Yeah, it was just as sad and pathetic and desperate for attention as it sounds, in the event you didn’t hear of and roll your eyes at the situation at the time. Well, comedian Bill Maher found it just as absurd as the rest of us and stated that he would give Trump $5 million if he could prove neither of his parents were part orangutan. Since the Donald Trump Tan is pretty much the most noticeable thing about him — besides his inexplicable egocentric behavior and that combover — it seemed to Maher to be a valid question i.e. hilarious joke, just like Trump’s request. Mr. Loompa did not find this quite so funny.

Trump apparently produced his birth certificate to prove he was not actually part primate-that-is-way-too-cute-to-be-related-to-him and told Maher to pay up. Obviously, since everyone in the world who isn’t Trump accepted the comic’s offer as a joke, Mahar did not. Now, Trump is suing Maher for $5M, insisting that he’ll donated the money to either Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, American Cancer Society, Hurricane Sandy Victims, March of Dimes and the Police Athletic League (although Mahar had earlier stated he should instead go for the Hair Club for Men). Maher’s response:

My thoughts exactly.

Basically, Trump is oversensitive because he somehow still doesn’t understand that when you’re famous and perpetually do stupid shit, people will make fun of you. A lot. And now because of this, he’s wee-wee-weeing all the way home.

Also, um, does this mean that Obama should now sue Trump for $5 million? Because I am pretty damn sure that at this point, Obama has provided his birth certificate, college transcripts and essentially his entire life’s documentation because he’s the fucking president.