BROWNS PLAINS – Year 11 student Jayden Froth has vowed to learn more about global politics, religion, and culture in order to be more accurate and aware when using racist terminology.

His interest stemmed from an embarrassing incident three years ago.

“I remember back in year eight I called an Asian girl at school a ‘chink’. I was mortified when I found out that ‘chink’ generally refers to someone of Chinese heritage, and that she was actually Korean,”

“I realised I didn’t know anything about Korea, and that if I was going to be directing racial slurs at Korean people… I better get it right,”

Froth’s new understanding of cultural nuances extends beyond racial smears against Asians – he says his decision to study both geography and modern history electives is the first step to using slightly-more-worldly xenophobic vitriol in the schoolyard.

“I used to think that any bearded bloke in a turban was a Muslim. I was surprised to learn that the turban is actually more associated with the Sikh religion of India,”

“Now when I see a dude in a turban, I accost him with the much more culturally authentic ‘curry muncher’ or ‘Guru-lover’ – rather than the inaccurate ‘Muzzie’ or ‘Camel-jockey’.”

Froth’s next area of study is the vast continent of Africa – he says as a white middle class Australian, he was unaware of how many different racial slurs existed in that part of the world.

“It was only a few weeks ago that I learned Africa isn’t a country, but is actually a continent made up of over 50 nations, with an incredible amount of cultural and linguistic diversity,”

“Instead of saying the clichéd, ‘Go back to Africa,’ I’d love to be able to find out a little something about someone’s country, and then tell them to fuck off back there”.

Froth is looking forward to getting his driver’s license this year so that he can harass unsuspecting minorities with ethnically accurate racial slurs from the comfort of his own car.

“I’m glad I’ve got the opportunity to study this. I hate generalisations as much as anyone,”

“Polynesians are particularly hard to racially offend. I learnt a while ago that it is very important not to mix up Tonga and Samoa.”

It’s so good to see a young bloke like Jayden beefing up his self esteem by giving it to those bastards who think that they have some right or other to be alive. But speaking of being alive, or in his case staying alive I would suggest that he give the Samoans and Tongans a miss when dishing out his serves.