5 Reasons You Should NOT Follow SickChristine

Apparently Sick Christine of I’m Sick and So Are You is pulling some stunt where she’s telling people not to follow my blog. I believe that’s she’s jealous of my identity as the King of Sarcasm. She seem’s to think that she’s more sarcastic and funnier than I am. Today she’s actually listing reasons on her blog why people shouldn’t follow me. That’s right, me! Can you imagine anyone not wanting to follow me? Yeah, me neither. But Christine? I can think of a whole host of reasons why you shouldn’t follow her! In fact, just so she doesn’t think that she can get away with one upping me by trying to drive readers away from my blog, I’m going to list all the reasons you shouldn’t follow her second best sarcasm blog:

5. She Has No Concept of Weather and Season’s: She’s one of those people who grew up somewhere warm and sunny and moved to a place that is only slightly less warm and sunny. She’ll get no sympathy from me, but if you want to hear her whine about how tough her Fall was, go read THIS. Whatever you do though, DO NOT tell her I sent you. She’d just love to know that she’s stealing MY blog traffic.

4. She Likes Coffee WAY too much: Either that or she has a crush on Juan Valdez, or his donkey. It’s no wonder she writes so much. She’s freebasing coffee all day every day, at least as far as I can tell. That much caffeine can’t be good for the brain, which probably explains her sarcasm and epic rants about needing Skittles. She even Instagrams pictures of her coffee!

3. Sick Christine says Mean Things About Her Cat: Seriously? The most gentle and affectionate creatures in the world and she claims hers is psychotic and out to get her. I’d like to see her cats blog about Christine. Now that would be great reading!

2. She Uses The “F word”: Ugh. Blatant sensationalism. Am I right? She just goes around saying things she thinks exactly how she thinks them. Seriously, who does that? All my blog posts are lies. I never tell you what I’m feeling or thinking. Christine? She’s full of thoughts and feelings and she just says them. If you want to avoid thought and feeling provoking topics, do not go anywhere near Christine’s blog.

1. She was “Discovered”: WordPress features great posts that they think everybody should read. Yeah, she got it just 6 months after she started her blog. 6 months! I’ve been blogging for almost 13 years and not once have I been Freshly Pressed or Discovered, and that’s just how I like it. Being recognized by the man and fawned over is not at all the sign of a ground breaking sarcastic artiste is it?Apparently writing a smart, funny post full of painfully raw emotion is considered “good.” Whatever. If you hate that kind of stuff like I do, just make sure that you don’t read her post I Need To Tell You.

Like I said, if you are tempted to go see what a train wreck her blog is, 1. You will be dead to me, and 2. Don’t tell her I sent you. If anyone else wants to be featured on The Phil Factor or write a guest post, feel free to let me know in the comments or by e-mail. Have a great Friday! ~Phil

Um – can we start a petition to see her cat’s blog? I mean I am a dog person and all, so I would imagine the cat wouldn’t have very much to say other than how smug and superior it is (even though recent evidence suggests that dogs are far more intelligent), but I have a feeling a detailed account of all its foiled attempts would be amusing.

That coffee and skittles thing is a definite head scratcher. I mean, can a good writer like coffee? I think not. Only plain water for writers. Oh wait, that’s not writers that’s horses. My bad. Christine does speak her mind–a thing I both love and fear. You two on my list of awesome. So I suppose I’ll just have to keep reading despite your obvious flaws.