Zac Efron Couldn't Act His Way Out of a Paper Bag Filled with Airplane Glue

According to the journalists at TMZ, Zac Efron's friends are afraid to confront him about his really big problem. No, not the fact that he's been shitty in over fifteen straight shitty failed movies. He'll still get fifteen more, that's how Hollywood works. And, no, not his pretending to be straight. That's a given for all the male model lithesome actors in town. It's drugs. The junk our parents and failed government programs warned us about but we just didn't listen. Zac's entourage is quite concerned that Zac has fallen off the wagon since pretending to go to rehab last year to get himself work eligible again. Pretend rehab is like real rehab in that neither actually work, but pretend rehab for Zac happened to be hanging out at some guy's house for a couple weeks getting detoxed through a combination of healthy diet and frequent fellatio on Vincent, the uncircumcised live-in male nurse with aggressive appetites. Zac's latest telltale drug sign was that kerfuffle near Leif Garret's heroin den on Skid Row. His friends are only left to wonder what comes next. We are only left to wonder if his friends are just really entourage living off his tip and worried what happens when he punches out and they're left with seventeen dollars, Zac Efron butt herpes, and a landlord giving them 24 hours to clear out. Zac is too big to fail. Though I bet it still happens. Cocaine is heartless motherfucker. It kills the fat celebrities quickly, the lean just end up wishing they'd been fat.