Axl Rose Threatens Everyone With New Guns N’ Roses LP

THERE was a time when Guns N’ Roses were the perfect, pompous ragtag gaggle of panto rock villains, waddling around giganto-stages and blasting out ‘Welcome To The Jungle’ while smoking fags and drinking booze from the bottle.

Then, like all good enormous rock bands, they cocked it all up with drugs and in-fighting.

Slash, everyone’s favourite member of the group, did the right thing and became a professional Rock Man for a living, basically turning up with a guitar solo for anyone who’d have him and occasionally appearing on television looking like he’d not had enough sleep or vitamins.

Axl Rose, meanwhile, continued to believe his own hype and wafted the smell of his own farts toward his face, thinking that it smells like roses. Axl Roses, if you will.

Instead of giving up gracefully, he’s now threatening everyone and saying that a new Guns N’ Roses album is already recorded. Normally, in a hostage situation, there’s a bargaining tool, but Axl seems to be saying this is getting released whether governments and police squads intervene or not.

Of course, people will ears will be the victim once again.

And to anyone who thinks that’s an overreaction, they’ve clearly never heard the preposterously piss-awful ‘Chinese Democracy’, which took Axl & Co a whole 15 years to record.

Speaking to Revolver, Rose said: “We recorded a lot of things before Chinese was out. We’ve worked more on some of those things and we’ve written a few new things. But basically, we have what I call kind of the second half of ‘Chinese.'”

He adds: “That’s already recorded. And then we have a remix album made of the songs from Chinese. That’s been done for a while, too.”

Someone tell him to stop. The only thing worse than a new GnR album is Axl’s braids, and they don’t look like they’re going to quit any time soon either.