Category: Adventures

A mini vacation was desired and I had a few free days to make those plans to hit the hills. Rather it was the drive through our mountains to arrive on the west coast. A quick visit with a family member, a few photos taken, a few places visit, a few too many times getting lost. It was all fun.

It’s time to get back to my cozy home and so I head out on the highway toward my stop to rest for the night. A trucker’s paradise for those that travel and the coffee shops and fast food dot the side of the road. I duck into this small town and locate my motel. In minutes I am given my key after checking in and bring my weary body to my 2nd floor room. It is at the end of a long hallway. Tucked in next to the only other occupant, a man in this old but clean refuge. I question the fact that we are way at the end of this 60 unit but I do not bring it up to the manager. I unwind for the night and get ready for bed but sleep does not come. It is as if I am not alone. It feels creepy. The tv on to keep me company and the lights too as I try to gain some shut eye. I turn the tv off. That must be it. But still I toss and turn. Blessed relief I find my spot in line to dreamland.

2:30 am. I am suddenly awake. I listen to anything that could have possibly woken me up. No noises. Nothing at all except for the hum of trucks in the distance as they pass this sleepy town. Again I play that game of toss and turn. I know that tomorrow will be another long day of driving and I truly need this rest. I fall to sleep.

4:18 am. Startled awake and it feels darn right icky, creepy and what ever else you want to add. I feel as though something is staring at me. It is not nice. It does not feel good in this room. A male presence is definitely in here. This is where I add that walking into my room my minds eye seen an older man, a slave to the road, tall and grizzled.

I make a hasty plan. Wide awake and nothing, I repeat nothing is going to keep me here. It takes minutes but am washed, dressed, packed and carry two loads of luggage down that long hallway to my car. Desperately wanting out of there. Fast. It is dark when I leave but know that I am safe with the truckers following them down these mountain roads. Safe.

It was days later that I knew I had those same feelings growing up as a child in a 1930’s bungalow. Being stared at. It creeped me out. It was many days, many years that I dealt with this staring. How could one forget. Frightful nights and days of an eerie sensation undefined and not substantive. But this gal did until walking into it again. Hello Spirit.

There have been times in my life where I knew not where I was going. One minute I found myself wondering how I came to be here on earth. And I asked myself why? Happy times spent as a family unit and then thrust into isolation without mother and father. Is isolation time spent with aunts and uncles? With grandparents? You know what I talk about when I say the love is different. They care about you but not on that level as you do when you love the smell of your dad and his smiles and silly talk. I knew my family cared about me but I felt so lonely growing up. That small girl who no one explained to, “Hey, we got to take care of business so we can live, you know! But we’ll be back for sure!” This was also the time of my first sexual assault as a very young child with no one to run to.

My first guide in my life besides my father was my maternal grandmother, Julia. I loved her with all my being. Totally. She died 3 days after my third birthday. One minute she was there, the next gone. It ripped me. My grandfather was desolate. He was to go shortly after, a few years but still. It has been said that the ages between 0-3 are the years that a child is nurtured and learns security, love, comfort, confidence and making choices. Thank goodness for grandma. Where would I be without her.

The years pass by me and it’s all learning as this girl doesn’t listen. Too much control going on with parental units in the way of my mother and my stepfather. Maybe I did listen to them when I was young but I grew headstrong and did what I wanted. After all did I not have the freedom to do that when I was with my aunts and uncles and roaming the countryside. I had so much trouble happening in my head and not having direction was to run away time and time again. I left home at 16 as I had a job and lived with my brother for a time. I became pregnant at 17 and left school. My one saving grace, school. I blossomed there. I excelled under the guidance of my psychology teacher, Mr. Bianchini and the art teacher, Mr. Zipp. I understood the mechanics of the mind and gained high marks for that. Mr. Zipp seen a spark in me and I was to become the class model for those years in that big old high school. Mr. Bianchini asked me why I wasn’t returning to his class the last year and I didn’t have the heart to tell him that there and now that I was pregnant. I wasn’t brave enough. Would my life been different then the path I decided to take and follow my choices. I do not know. I had the child but did not attain the mother of year award. My parents stepped in and took him. After a time they adopted him. My heart broke. It broke into a million pieces. It sounds cliche. I was to have no contact with him. None. This is the way they wanted it.

I became homeless. Depressed. I discovered there was another side to life that knowing now would never, ever enter. Ever. I stole to eat. Raiding gardens, going into stores and stuffing a bag with whatever I could get. That time was not a good time but I was not to stay in that space for long. Entering into relationships hoping for security and receiving nothing gave me disappointment. Finding a house to live in with five other young people my age was to present huge parties. Not a stable life. But it was so much fun back then. And then it wasn’t. There were problems and once again I was homeless. I persevered. I moved for a time with my friends and found a job. Good old 7-11.

Time passes and in that air I have two more children and one to give up for adoption as this was the time I was living on the streets, sleeping on friends couches. Aimless. The third child I took courage and wanted more out of life. My father was still alive and came to see us in the hospital. I so loved this memory. My father was to pass on my son’s 3rd birthday year. Abusive relationship were to follow for me. My self esteem in shatters. There had been no time to grieve any thing that had passed. No time to grieve the son that was taken, the daughter I gave up for adoption and then my father. No. Time. To. Grieve. But I did find the courage and strength to overcome that man. That man that yelled and hurled abuse on me. I was to find a letter the other day of him writing from jail. How he was so sorry for hitting me. I have no memory of that. Absolutely no memory. He was very graphic and gave so many details but nothing sparked in my memory banks. Now is that a saving grace. I say yes to that. I had to find this guidance on my own and crawl out of that hole.

Life does indeed go on and sometimes at a snail’s pace and sometimes in light streaming down the road. I have had trauma, but also joy mixed in with mine. It has not all been bad. There was the joy of having my children. The happiness of my heart seeing my 3rd child grow. It has all been an experience and for this life class I have been in to be used for people that are going through the same thing. It amazes me with the gift that I had had and how it came in handy for me through the younger days. It got me through so many good times too. I just didn’t know what it was.

I sit here in the morning sun and thank god for all that have some into my life to make in into what it is today. All those experiences that have made me a strong, confident, empowered woman. The guides now are spiritual and some earth based as in my friends or my tribe as I like to call them. They are all my touch stone. They ground me. I know that I am in safe hands. I know there is more for me out there and I can hardly wait!!

Who knew that my life would amplify? Well it has. Since I have embraced my purpose and put all the love behind it my life has changed exponentially!! I am finally on my path but it did take all those experiences good and bad to get me where I am and to help the people that sit before me in sessions. There are many stories to tell and they truly stand out. Five o’clock wake up time by Spirit as she tells me, “I was invited!” This was the day of a psychic party and as I entered the hostesses kitchen with people sitting around the table remarked about this 5 o’clock wake up call. I carefully described the lady in question to all and then I had a person laugh out loud and say to all, “That’s my Mom!”

Spirit comes in tippy toes or as loud as they were when they were alive. They show me vignettes of their lives, here and there, past and present. Strong attributes come through or memories made to mention. The healing messages do follow, some small and some long as I dictate or scribble down so fast. They also have there own messages to deliver as I have had people present there questions and they come up with something entirely different or they just answer. I never know what it is that I will channel through a session.

So let’s go back to how afraid I was of what I had when I was younger. I overcame that fear and got to where I am now. The anxiety that came as a side has lessened and I express gratitude to all the people that guided me, the workshops and especially my dear auntie. She has brought my family love to me and made me grow like you don’t know!

I sit here this Sunday morning and muse about the events of yesterday morning spent in an old 1930’s bungalow near the city center of Edmonton. Visiting with the local artisan and her niece was such a delight and we spent a few hours talking naturally of interests that were dear to us, namely art and intuition. It was my second time meeting this sweet lady and revelled in her company and in this house. A house for over time that I drove by and always wondered what it looked like with it’s dilapidated back porch hanging on for dear life. It housed a photography studio and then a hairdresser shop but now this dear lady has her art studio with all her wonderful works there.

We sat in the old dining room with it’s built in cupboards, this after looking over the spacious rooms with her niece, her first time there. Hardwood floors, wood work around each doorway, built in cupboards in kitchen and dining room, roomy closets and that claw tub was to die for! I sound like a realtor pushing but it was a sight to behold. We talked each telling story after story about life experiences. Every once in a while I would have that similar feeling when I am do readings for clients. It’s a definite heaviness in my chest. It’s not uncomfortable but a definiteness there. I would then say to the ladies, “There is a man here wearing a 1940’s style of pants and rolled up shirt sleeves. Large forearms. He is standing in this room.” We would all agree and then continue on with our conversation. Every once in a while we would collectively get up to check out her art and then I would spy children on the stairway, a boy curiously looking at us.Sitting in my chair my sweater was pulled and I felt it on my skin as the artisan remarked that she had seen it move. Again, pretty groovy! I told my friend that I could hear laughter and running, they were so happy. This was a happy household. We all went back to the dining room to resume partaking of the hot coffee and cookies and talking excitedly to each other. It was like meeting up with old friends. As I was saying something we all heard a noise in the kitchen. The owner remarked that it was the top of a container now on the floor. A few minutes later a folded up chair behind the glass doors fell and in turn moved the door. We seen it happen before our eyes. There was no way for that chair to do that, no energy to push it. Continuing on again as if nothing happened. To me, it was pretty cool. Again the artisan wanted to show us something, this after a card on a easel was pushed over, another anomaly in this huge home. As I left the dining room I looked over to the fireplace and seen a brilliant bright light and knew without a doubt Spirit was here. Talking more as we moved from dining room to living room and back again I heard the sound of children running through the kitchen to the back porch which by the way no longer existed. The sound of a back porch screen door as it banged and the mother yelling to keep it shut. By the by the old back porch which had been previously been there was now replaced with a modern deck.

So this is how I spent my day yesterday in this old home that I finally did get to see with it’s past life intact in spirit of course. The artisan had asked me to walk through the house on the first visit which I did but being in an hurry was not to experience the going on’s at that time. I am sure a nice relaxed visit like the one we had where we were talking of mutual interests brought out the lively household where halcyon days were spent with much laughter and loud rambunctious children.

Whoa, I tell myself. You’ve done quite a bit and need to re-group. You sold your home that you lived in for 30 years, found the place of your dreams and am nicely ensconced. Moved in, bought new furniture, a better vehicle and in all this your psychic development grew. Then when you thought everything was going well, a relationship ended but for the better. We go onto be better than we were, we both agreed. Then the people started to contact you slowly and you were booked for events.

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The place is quiet. It is like a dream I tell myself. I have never had this much peace in my life. There are days when the phone doesn’t ring from clients and some days when I am booking and it’s busy. I love it. Had I known that being part of giving readings to people would definitely give me total purpose I would have sought it years ago. There are some that have past who have so much vibrancy when they come in and then other’s that hang back. Every reading is different. Laughter comes in unexpected at times. It catches me when I “see” something and have to convey my vision to the client as they tearfully say, “Yes, yes, he was such a card!” The reading could start with someone “coming in” and showing me how they passed away or what they loved to do creatively when they were alive.

Ask me two years ago if this is where I would have been. “No way!” would have been my reply. No way that I would have moved, let alone move to another suburb. But I see this is all meant to be, everything! With so much gratitude I thankfully take on this blissful peace, the mornings with the sun streaming in, the people that come my way for healing messages. I Thank God.

These past few months with re-grouping, reconnecting, recharging, I am actually settled in my life. I haven’t been out as much with my photo shoots with bands but will get to it in the future. There is the odd photo shoot during the day time to be on my creative bent and to fulfill a client’s request. There is so much to do with Mediumship readings and I do so love this side of my purpose. If someone would have asked me 10 years ago that I would be doing this I would have laughed and said, “Not me”. Taking classes with Carmel Joy Baird, St. Brigids, mentors Nottie, Brenda my Aunt, I have come a long way in my intuitive development. Reading those many, many books doesn’t hold a candle to giving messages to people from there loved one’s that have passed. Also having the belief in Source, Spirit, God that through this I could do what I do.
As a little girl I was to “see” and “hear” what other’s couldn’t but I thought that everyone did. I was considered a person who day dreamt all day long and told stories. I am sure I drove my mother crazy with the information I was to tell and make her wonder how I knew what I knew. In school, at math problems I knew the answer I just couldn’t show how I got to it. That was pretty vexing with the teachers. I was considered a cheat. In later years I was to push it away because I didn’t understand it and it scared me. But it’s not. And I do. Those many years I questioned myself and thought I was crazy, was me picking up feelings, hearing, seeing all that was around me in the crowds. The anxiety of all that made me cocoon which probably didn’t help at all in hindsight.
Now to have all this to become much more clearer for me and to have people come my way to teach me in my gift has helped exponentially. All the experiences in my life has brought me to this and I look forward to what comes next. This year has surely been defining with the big move and living here in this quiet comfy place and sure settled my soul. Being on my own after many years in relationships has also gave me the strength and courage and given me the confidence to face life head on with zeal. This year has not even ended but I am in wonder what the next moment, hours, days, weeks, months will bring for someone who is so excited to accept it.

Outlook is everything is it not dear reader? Have you ever felt that shift when your experiences seem to jive as if you are on course. You have found your purpose, never mind trying to find it in the first place as I did.

High school was a breeze for me. Being an honor student, a far cry from the girl who had to repeat Grade 7. But there was one thing that I didn’t have what everyone else had. A plan. Had no clue what I wanted to be. It never entered my mind as a young child to say, “I want to be a nurse or a doctor.” I might have well just said, “I want to be a truck” for all the effort I was giving my education. Taking subjects meant for the type of work well suited. I didn’t get that. Coasting was my best subject.

Back then I just wanted to get by, which I did but desired so much more. Purpose 101 was very big back then for me in daily life and what was the big picture for me career wise? What was I suppose to be doing? Being on my own partying was to factor in and so was travelling aimlessly through our provinces. Had to have an edge to keep myself safe. And yes I was a catholic girl but such a bad ass too.

I am but a far cry from the person that I am now. Much more grounded, having more faith and less doubt of what is, happy and so at peace. It feels like new skin, new experiences like I went back to school to re-learn everything about life. The purpose of healing be it from energy healing to healing messages through psychic or mediumship readings or simply coaching people. I get the feeling of it, what I do now. It comes easy whereas I was thinking way to hard about what intuition was all about or suppose to be about. I had my own ideas about it for sure. The third eye was kind of hard to understand. I actually thought an eye was going to pop out anytime. That made my aunt laugh about that one. Makes me laugh now, at my naivety.

Life for me now is interspersed with meditation, coaching sessions from mentors, prayers and daily living. This skin feels vibrant, excited for new adventures, the unknown. Let it be known that we are students in this vast universe and when not students, teachers as well. Dear reader, you can never go back and repeat after me, “I am not what I once was.”