Deciding Between SELF DISTRACTION or SELF DIRECTION – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 511

In my last blog I was opening up the point of Victimization where from I will continue today with looking at how I can practically physically implement and live the corrective application of no more accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as the point of Victimization as how I have programmed myself to respond to situations, decisions ect, that come up in my reality but to rather align myself with actually Living the Decision to Support Myself in moments I am faced with where the point of Victimization emerge where ultimately I am facing the Decision of either to Distract myself or Direct Myself. Particularly within the context of Self Responsibility where I either Distract myself from it or Direct Myself within and as It.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘roll over’ when facing adversity within my reality where this ‘rolling over’ is the application of ‘giving up’ of going into the point of Self Victimization as a way to try and escape and not have to face my reality, particularly when facing adversity or simply when facing resistances towards directing the responsibilities of my life in a manner that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I just don’t have the energy or will to direct myself when facing resistances towards directing myself within the context of what is best for all and here I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into this ‘feeling’ instead of breathing and physically moving myself out of the behavior of giving up and into the physical behavior of taking the steps to actually Direct myself in all contexts of my reality which I see, realize and understand I am capable of doing where I see here that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my reality exist within and as the “Victimization Character” where I will justify myself as ‘unable to move or direct myself’ in some situations thus accepting and creating a lesser version of myself through the point of Self Victimization, because what I see is that there is normally something that I can do to support myself even if it is just some small step but what I see what I have done within and as the point participating within Self Victimization or the Victimization Character is to not take those small steps but go into the point of actually Giving Up, and justifying my behavior of “doing nothing” through ignoring or neglecting to Direct or Move myself physically in walking the small steps that here as initial Solutions in terms of how to practically face and walk the process of Taking Responsibility for myself within the Context of Doing What is Best for ALL.

So what I am seeing here is that what I am writing about is those moments where I am facing a decision of either to Direct myself within the context of what is best for me and best for all or to allow myself to direct myself in Self Interest where to move myself within the context of what is best for all which is the point of actually doing what is best for me is a point that I will in fact avoid and resist doing.

As I mentioned in my previous blogs this point comes up and exists here in every moment, within various aspects and situations during my day where I am always faced with this Decision to either direct myself in a way that is best for all or to direct myself in a way that is not best for all and that is rather aligned with what is best for me within the context of self interest only. And so I am looking at here how to actually change my behavior in such moments so to stop the behavior of Self Victimization which plays out as follows.

I face a moment of making a decision to direct myself in a way that is actually best for me or to give into directing myself in a way that is oriented towards Self Interest, self-gratification only, not taking into consideration the greater context of life and ensuring that my actions are always in support of life within the context of what is best for all. So I am faced with such a moment, and I find there is this heaviness that comes up within me. Like really not wanting to move in the direction of actually taking responsibility for myself within that particular decision and so what happens often is that I will get lazy, I will get lethargic and its like I will take that moment or decision and really stretch it out where I go into this form of postponing it where what could happen instead is I actually decide to give it direction but rather what I do is I postpone it and avoid it and so Its like this ‘decision’ just sits here right in front of me for an entire day or 2 days or weeks or months ect, and I try and avoid it, and I try to distract myself from it and so part of this behavior is that I will get lazy and actually physically move slower like lounging around where I will just entertain myself for an entire day doing absolutely nothing where within myself I know that what I must do to actually Support myself, to actually take responsibility for myself, but instead of doing it I will when ever that point comes up, move into a point of distraction, doing everything else but the very point that is the actual point that must be directed.

Its interesting because when I give in in that moment and go and do something else its actually right at that moment where this point of Self Victimization comes up. Its like a nano-second where I step into this Self Victimization Character and make a decision to go into self interest instead of into self support. To go into Distracting myself instead of Directing Myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Distract Myself from taking responsibility for myself instead of Directing Myself to take responsibility for myself where I will in this moment of decision utilize Self Victimization as the point of “I can’t do it” or “I give up” as the implied statement I make within and as who I am in that moment when I decide to distract myself from instead of directing myself in a way that is best for all, where this ‘implied statement’ is a point of Self Victimization because it is within Self Victimization where I accept and allow myself to exist within such statements as “I can’t do it” and “I give up” and so

I commit myself to assist and support myself to realize that as I mentioned before that this statement of “I can’t do it” is actually the statement of “I don’t want to do it” dressed up in disguise. And so that then imply that Self Victimization is the point of attempting to disguise the truth of the situation where I Victimize myself as a way to make it seem like “I can’t do something” when in truth, I just don’t want to do something but that I am in fact able to direct myself in such points.

And so I commit myself to slow myself down and to identify each and every moment during my day where I I am faced with a decision to either Distract Myself or Direct Myself and to in such moments realize that I am in fact capable of Directing Myself to Take Responsibility for myself and Directing Myself in a way that is best for ALL, and so thus to in such moments Assert Myself in and as Self Will and Self Direction within the context of moving and directing myself to support myself no more accepting and allowing myself to submit myself to self victimization as the point of Distracting Myself instead of Directing Myself and so here I commit myself to assist and support myself to practice utilizing such “Moments of Decision” where I am facing a moment of Taking Responsibility for myself within the context of what is best for all to Correct My Living Behavior from Self Victimization to Self Standing where I commit myself to practice moving myself in Self Direction no more accepting and allowing myself to exist within, perpetuate, and condition myself within and as Self Victimization within and as the the point of Self Distraction, and so to rather assert myself as Self Standing as utilizing such ‘moments of decision’ to Assert myself as “Self Direction”, Directing Myself to take Responsibility for myself and my life within the context of what is actually best for me and best for ALL.