Thursday, September 30, 2004

through a looking glass darkly.

To the person in the bell jar, blank and stopped as a dead baby, the world itself is the bad dream.[sylvia plath]

let me just say white chicks is a stupid movie! but it was quite amusing after all. and i'm in a nice bouncey mood today because i finally bought a purple "my little pony" figurine with white and pink hair. awwww she's so pretty! mari said i start feeling stupid after a while but nope, that time hasn't come yet.

i want to read jostein gaarder's sophie's world again but i'm not sure where my mom has packed it. you'll be surprised to learn that i'm almost finished with bill bryson's a short history of nearly everything. yes, i've been reading around the clock!

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

"everything happens for a reason" is no reason.

So what, so I've got a smile on
But it's hiding
The quiet superstitions in my head
Don't believe me
Don't you dare believe me
When I say I've got it down

i was thinking of this john mayer song throughout the day. quite miss it! thoroughly enjoyed myself at madd and jiahui's condo with wens, kees and cheryl. we watched the lion king II, went swimming, then watched garfield the movie. which was really quite stupid though odie is cute!

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

a different side of me.

i missed the class outing to sentosa today! but well i promised my mother i would go out with her, and i did have the bestest lunch ever - crystal jade dim sum! yummmm!

all i want to do right now is read, read and read some more. i feel so bookish! anyway i'm going swimming at mad's place tomorrow. how exciting!

okay i shall stop the exclamation marks, they do seem quite out of place but you must understand that i've been living a half-life since june. and i suspect i won't be woohoo-ing so much when the papers start coming back.

Monday, September 27, 2004

a short history of nearly everything.

yay i did many many things today, haha! for lunch, shauna, mari, ku and i went to burger king at thomson plaza. we then walked down thomson road to look at the puppies in the pet shops. ooooh! can't wait to see what dog shauna finally gets.

for dinner, it was the teachers' day comm chair treat at kublai khan. (yes, genghis' son.) courtesy of cheryl, our beloved comm chair! we were all terribly supersized after the buffet meal. then we couldn't decide on a movie to watch so we ended up watching trailers at cineleisure. i remember we had quite a nice time working as the smallest comm of only seven - cheryl, chris, benjy, ku, kahyong, yifong and me. quite nice to see them all together again.

gee i have more than enough reading material to last me till... whenever i decide to stop reading storybooks before As. my dad passed me his copy of bill bryson's a short history of nearly everything so i think i'll read that first.

Sunday, September 26, 2004

despite the falling snow.

She tells her love while half asleep,
In the dark hours,
With half-words whispered low:
As the Earth stirs in her winter sleep
And puts out grass and flowers
Despite the snow,
Despite the falling snow.

[Robert Graves]

went to the mph book fair at expo with my parents today. i got these at a steal-

before i say goodbye by mary higgins clark

cards on the table by agatha christie

half a life by v. s. naipaul

posession by a.s. byatt

ripley's game by patricia highsmith

the autograph man by zadie smith

the thirteen problems by agatha christie

when we were orphans by kazuo ishiguro

not bad, eh? :D

vertical limit is on channel 5 now! i think i must have watched this movie five times already. it's been one of my personal dreams to visit the himalayan region and climb. just imagine the beauty and the challenge!

okay it's back to school (and reality) tomorrow. good luck to everyone getting back papers.

Saturday, September 25, 2004

if i ain't got you baby.

went to HMV in the morning. am rather pleased with my purchases-
alicia keys- the diary of alicia keys and machi's new album (have to admit i can neither read its chinese name nor find a picture of it.)

in the afternoon, i met ku, weif and waiye for some decadence at baker's inn. which wasn't so satisfying cos the service kinda sucked. o well. ku and i had a nice time at kinokuniya today. we spent time in our favourite sections- photography, art, literature, philosophy and psychology. surely, there are too many books with beautiful pictures and words that cost too much. :) joy! we visited gramophone, this music store at paragon which has a great selection of jazz and bossa nova cds. i think i only visit HMV cos of the many vouchers my nice parents have given me to use. if you're looking for slow, soulful listening, gramophone is the place to go.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

hits and misses.

for all those i've loved and lost, i would much rather have drifted unknowingly from them than have to experience all the complications that come from human relationships... the expectations and obligations, the hurt, pain and anger.

on to lighter things, today was goooood. and tomorrow will be even better. goodness i sound almost bipolar.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

you light up my life.

You are a force, you are a constant source
Yeah, you are a shining light
Incandescent in the darkest nightYeah, you are a shining light
Yeah, you light up my life

We made our connection
A full on chemical reactionBrought by dark divine intervention
Yeah, you are a shining light
A constellation once seen
Over Royal David's city
An epiphany you burn so prettyYeah, you are a shining light

These are the days you often say
There's nothing that we cannot do
Beneath a canopy of stars
I'll shed blood for you

[audiophile : shining light/ ash]

another song with pretty imagery! this is one of my favourite happy songs. and it really is so very happy and charming. everyone should listen to it.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

eventually all things merge into one.

Now nearly all those I loved and did not understand when I was young are dead, but I still reach out to them... Eventually all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs. I am haunted by waters.

Monday, September 20, 2004

dancing queen.

Friday night and the lights are low
Looking out for the place to go
Where they play the right music
Getting in the swing
You come in to look for a king
Anybody could be that guy
Night is young and the music's high
With a bit of rock music, everything is fine
You're in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance

You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen

[audiophile : dancing queen/ abba]

yay here i am indulging in some retro madness. this is for jac, a dancing queen in her own right, just because it was so nice seeing her today.

more on MAF! before the grand light-up, i was walking around with ku, then she disappeared into the crowd and i suddenly found myself alone. the school's lights dimmed so everyone stopped moving in anticipation. so yea, i was like looking around thinking, where the hell is ku and stupid me was too stingy to call the councillors cos i didn't want to spend money on phonecall. then the fireball was lit and the fountain started... the most beautiful part of MAF and there i was standing alone among hoards of faces i couldn't recognise. how absolutely unromantic! but o well i managed to locate one familiar face after a while, quanyao from 78 who had lost everyone too. bah!

killer papers tomorrow! statistics and reproduction on the very same day... nono i don't want to hallucinate like i did on the day of math and bio block test 2.

i'll say a little prayer for all of you, nice readers of this nice blog. yay this shit existence is ending in three days time. :D

Saturday, September 18, 2004

fact.

So when you ask me why I cannot love you more calmly, I answer that to love you more calmly is not to love you at all.[more jeanette winterson!]

to tell you the truth, i went for MAF to see the 100% perfect boy. and i know he is 100% perfect, in all ways.

but i won't tell you whether he turned up. (duh! -looks cryptic.)

awww anyway MAF was quite fun. it was nice to see everyone again. oh and justin's group won the eating competition! not bad at all. i'm back early with a stupid headache so i think i'll go to sleep presently. see you all next year!

on seeing the 100% perfect girl one beautiful april morning.

One beautiful April morning, on a narrow side street in Tokyo's fashionable Harujuku neighborhood, I walked past the 100% perfect girl.

To tell you the truth, she's not that good-looking. She doesn't stand out in any way. Her clothes are nothing special. The back of her hair is still bent out of shape from sleep. She isn't young, either - must be near thirty, not even close to a "girl," properly speaking. But still, I know from fifty yards away: She's the 100% perfect girl for me. The moment I see her, there's a rumbling in my chest, and my mouth is as dry as a desert.

Friday, September 17, 2004

of MAF, council, devotion and tearing oneself away.

MAF is such a council thing. i can think of all the reasons why i want to go for MAF this year, and they're mostly related to council. the reasons are as follows-

to be with the 30th councillors again.
tis always nice to have them around me. :)

to support our juniors.
i seem to remember that after the months of hard work put into preparation for MAF last year, seeing the huge crowd enjoying themselves was a sort of confirmation that all our effort was worth it.

to soak up the family atmosphere.
it's heartwarming to know that you belong to something.

to experience MAF as a guest.
i spent almost the whole of MAF last year cooking in the student's lounge. which was quite fun too but my classmates were somewhere else enjoying themselves! and i almost missed the grand light-up haha but managed to run out in time.

to relive last year's MAF.
esp all the special moments... singing on the stage, performing speedy gonzalez, watching the school suddenly being flooded with light... and the after-MAF too when we all took photographs around the fountain and the city gate.

to see our seniors again.
some of them whom i haven't seen in ages!

to get away from the mundaneness of study.
well don't we all?

but... i have that dilemma known as the prelims vs MAF. and my mother won't let me go. she hasn't relented. i think i'll camp out somewhere tomorrow to study and judge her mood (and mine) then.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

powerbook.

The past is magnetic. It draws us in. We cannot help ourselves, and as with other things that we cannot help in ourselves, we make up elaborate explanations, reasonable, rational explanations, to chant away the powerful things that don't belong to us.

Love has got complicated, tied up with promises, bruised with plans, dogged with an ending that nobody wants-when all love is, is what it always is-that you look at me and you want me and I don't turn away.

If I want to say no, I will, but for the right reasons. If I want to say yes, I will, but for the right reasons. Leave the consequences, leave the finale, leave the grand statements. The simplicity of what each of us owe. The admission charge is never on the door, but feeling should not be taxed. I can't work out what this will cost or you are open and I want to enter.

words fail me.

Now that physics is proving the intelligence of the universe, what are we to do about the stupidity of mankind? I include myself. I know that the earth is not flat but my feet are. I know that space is curved but my brain has been condoned by habit to grow in a straight line. What I call light is my own blend of darkness. What I call a view is my hand-painted trompe - l'oeil. I run after knowledge like a ferret down a ferret hole. My limitations, I call the boundaries of what can be known. I interpret the world by confusing other people's psychology with my own. I say I am open-minded by what I think is.

[Jeanette Winterson]

i run after knowledge like a ferret down a ferret hole yes, knowledge eludes me!

sigh. i must do better for chem paper 1 and 2 next week. must must must.

possession.

Monday, September 13, 2004

i've got nothing left to say.

This time, all I want is you
There is no one else
Who can take your place
This time, you burn me with your eyes
You see past all the lies
You take it all away
I've seen it all
It was never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you

Take me away, take me away
I’ve got nothing left to say
Just take me away

Saturday, September 11, 2004

when you go it's the perfect ending.

Did you know when you go it's the perfect ending
To the bad day I was just beginning
When you go all I know is you're my favorite mistake

sheryl crow sounds perfectly angsty. oooh well i'm aware i've been sounding more and more bimbo, airy-fairy, devoid of organised thought etc on my blog. i will tell you that this is not really like me at all. my mind's just been a-flutter because the kaoshis are a-coming. yes, whatever. good luck to whoever's reading this for whatever you might need luck for. kaoshis, friendship, love, yes even love. :D

Friday, September 10, 2004

under skinned knees and skid marks.

You're waiting for someone to put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say

He's everything you want, he's everything you need
He's everything inside of you that you wish you could be
He says all the right things at exactly the right time

But he means nothing to you, and you don't know why

[audiophile : everything you want/ vertical horizon]

heard this over the radio today, and was reminded that i especially liked the intro. best i ever had is another great song by them, it's oh soooo sad! i think the juniors might be using it for the mid-autumn festival celebrations (or MAF), heard them playing it during the rehearsal. but i'm not sure what they've got up their sleeves. i haven't decided whether to turn up for MAF myself either, sigh.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

an overload of information.

Between an overload of information
And the striving for a pure dedication
I find myself looking for the exit signSee your pretty face in the sunshine
In the morning after staying up all night
I want to wake you just to hear you
Tell me it's alright
And all I want to be
Is too much sometimes for me

Good morning baby
I hope I'm gonna make it through another day

I see the stars and all the planets
Fly the great wide world and have it all
Yeah better get a ticket better get in line
I'm praying now for beautiful weather
Take a car and drive forever but I'm
Only ever sitting at the traffic lightAnd all the world to see
Is too much sometimes for me

[good morning baby/ dan wilson & bic runga]

suddenly this song seems so relevant to my life right now. i feel like my mind has just run a marathon. spent a quiet afternoon at thomson saturating my brain with organic chem. oh yea, i've taken to calling my cow cowtae. daisy is relatively unsuitable since i call so many people daisy. wahaha.

the olympus ads with my favourite korean actress jeon ji-hyun just rock my socks off. gosh this guy on tv is singing the temptations' my girl. the judges seem to like it but i don't agree, bah.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

the daisy chain reaction.

in a powerfully good mood today, cos i finally bought the cow beanie baby i liked so very much from the coronation plaza toy shop. and with a stroke of inspiration, i've decided to name him/ her daisy. wahaha, how uncreative!

consulting mr chow with dust was really much more fun compared to consulting him alone. i was so distracted by my cow that i actually called mr chow mr cow. think he wasn't very amused... :)

Saturday, September 04, 2004

if you weren't real i would make you up.

gawwwwd am i bored! this is awfully sweet and sad... such pretty lyrics.

We're made out of blood and rust
Looking for someone to trust
Without a fight
I think that you came too soon
You're the honey and the moon
That lights up my night

But right now
Everything you want is wrong,
And right now
All your dreams are waking up,
And right now
I wish that I could follow you
To the shores of freedom
Where no one lives

[audiophile : honey and the moon/ joseph arthur]

i never really understood why songs about revenge, anger, hatred etc could actually become popular. but now i know they exist for a reason- people need revenge, people need to be angry, people need to hurt themselves and hurt other people similarly. it's human nature. oh well, isn't it nicer to write songs about those whom you love and who love you? why waste precious words on those who won't appreciate them? :)

daisies and porkies forever.

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

Don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

but no matter. i'm thinking about my two favourite words, daisy and porky, and categorising everyone i know, as in yifongporky or jingyidaisy. okay i know i sound hallucinatory! bah. i wanted to put a picture of porky pig here but couldn't find a nice one. once i get my old computer back, i will design a porky pig layout. :)

what is true friendship? something you know you don't have to question.

and thus though i was in a confrontational mood today, i didn't have many questions to ask.