Friday, October 19, 2012

We the Undecideds

There are just way too many other things going on these
days…plus Tuesday night is my “Dancing with the Stars”, review night.

I’m still trying to uncover the 2-step conspiracy against
poor Marie Osmond in season 5.

But that’s neither here nor there.

Still…the truth is out there…somewhere…and I’m going to uncover it.

Anyway, I’ve never been all that political, in the first
place.

In the second place, I was a little more political, but that
just got me audited.

Now…in the third place…all I’m concerned with, politically
speaking, is if my garbage gets picked up and the streets are plowed…especially
in the winter.

Oh, and try to keep the foreign wars and police actions to a
minimum….

I have to admit, though, the debates are always good
television.

A lot of thought and money goes into how these proceedings
are staged…but, mostly, they end up with two guys on a stage, behind podiums,
with a moderator positioned in front posing provocative questions on issues,
both foreign and domestic.

So you can see where the thought money is going.

Occasionally, just to mix it up, of course, they’ll have one
of these so called town hall meetings, where they remove the podiums and
nothing stands between the candidates except a thin layer of gabardine…to
paraphrase, Cosmo Kramer.

This style of debate is always a little more interesting
since the candidates are unleashed and free to roam around the stage, as if
they were stalking their prey….or about to break out their newest standup
comedy routine.

And you have to admit, a lot of us are hoping for a tickle
fight to break out…or at least have someone break down and assume a fetal
position on the floor.

I guess they could get really creative and throw a cage over
the whole thing and make it a tag team debate with the vice presidential
candidates stepping in from time to time to pass out water bottles and sneer at
each other.

I mean if you really want to produce must see TV….

Truth is, if the candidates haven’t gotten their platforms across
to the masses by now, well, I guess it’s fair to say the masses haven’t been
paying attention…which is sometimes a problem, especially with masses.

They’re so easily distracted.

And for the most part, a large portion of the masses have
already made up their minds about who their voting for, anyway.

For the most part, each candidate is essentially preaching
to his or her individual choir, which I find a little disturbing since I don’t
think people who routinely sing in churches should have so much influence.

Just saying….

At the end of the day—but, oddly enough, not at the
beginning or the middle of the day—no matter what the format, these debates are
really just for the folks that are referred to as the ‘Undecideds”.

People like me, who routinely have trouble ordering from the
McDonalds breakfast menu.

I mean weren’t we all better off four years ago when our
choices were limited to Egg or Sausage McMuffins?

Why do they constantly have to change the menu?

So it’s ironic that it becomes “We the Undecideds” that have these guys doing their own 2-step
dances, trying to win us over.

Which, when you think about it, is also kind of scary since,
if you’re like me, most of us just vote for the guy with the best hair.

But that’s politics for you.

I mean it’s not like the fate of the free world is hanging
in the balance or anything….

Retorting on Twitter

About Me

My passion these days is writing silly stories for “The
Freelance Retort”, the humor website I began in May of 2011 when the world was
supposed to come to an end. It didn’t and now I’m stuck writing these things 2
or 3 times a week.My passion before that was chocolate ice cream.

When I’m not doing this, I’m a freelance, corporate writer/director/ producer, which means—besides the many slashes—I create everything from promotional, instructional and training videos to interactive on line presentations for various corporation and health care companies. In that sense I guess you could say that I’m a “professional writer” since I do get paid to write, work from home and have lots of free time to myself. However, most of my friends and neighbors think I’m just goofing off. Naturally, being a freelance writer who deals with the sometimes insanity of the corporate world from the safety of the creative fringe, my views will more often than not be tinged with cynicism, sarcasm and a fair share of self-deprecation. I hope you enjoy them in the spirit in which they are intended….