Separated by Choice

I’ve been thinking a lot today about a friend of mine. Her birthday is this month and I really wish I could tell her Happy Birthday, send her a card or talk to her.

We were best friends in high school. We did everything together. We had a little click of friends who hung out, shared secrets, wrote notes (no cell phones), laughed, cried and loved one another. We shared everything, except boyfriends of course.

When my best friend started dating this one dude, she spent all her time with him. I hardly saw her. It was very frustrating and it made me mad. First of all, I didn’t like him. He didn’t treat her the way I thought she should be treated. Then after I went off the college or maybe the summer before (I can’t remember), she decided to marry him. Ugghhh!!! I just knew this was bad news! She had her whole life ahead of her. I just knew she was making a mistake! I would show her!

I was invited to the wedding, but I didn’t go. I didn’t go!!! I didn’t show up!!! I was a no-show to my best friend’s wedding! My friend for years, the one who held my secrets, the one who knew me best!

What was I thinking! Maybe being 18 years of age doesn’t make me smartest person, obviously, so making the best life choices wasn’t in the cards for me. It was a choice I made, which caused me to lose my best friend. A bad choice!

Years passed and I got a card from her. She was getting remarried. I went to that one. I shared it with her, hugged her and loved on her. But it wasn’t the same. I had made a choice to miss so much from before that sharing this one with her, though it was great and glad that she thought of me, I couldn’t help but feel guilty, and unforgiven! I believe she had forgiven me and still loved me, but I had not forgiven myself. Not until today!

The enemy will bring things to the forefront of our minds, especially things from the past. Things we didn’t know we needed to forgive ourselves for. I have been carrying this guilt for so many years, guilt that was forgiven by my best friend and nailed to the cross of my Savior. Ephesians 1:7 – In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.

Today, I would like to have a relationship with her. I know we can’t go back to the past, but we could aim for the future. If I could talk with her, I would tell her, “I’m so sorry, I should have been there for you no matter what my feelings were. I have loved you from the beginning of our friendship years ago. I don’t know what I can do to retrieve our friendship, but I would do it! I miss you!” LYLAS (DHC)

I have learned from this mistake to:

Always forgive yourself

Always make amends.

Always believe that things can change.

At the end of the day, I know that I have changed and I’m forgiven! Even if we never have share a friendship again, I know that I was blessed to have known her and have her in my life!