Jared Lee Loughner's Lunatic Rantings Prove That Politically He's...

It's amazing how people are trying to figure out Tucson shooter Jared Lee Loughner's political philosophy.

He's a registered Republican, they say (hoax). He's a liberal pot smoker (according to a former classmate who didn't know him well). He was predisposed to right-wing rants that echo Tea Party rhetoric and paranoia (The Guardian).

So which is it?

Well, I've pored over Loughner's writings on the internet and am pleased to announce that I've solved the mystery.

Jared Lee Loughner was registered as an Independent (true), didn't vote in 2010, and, in political terms, identifies mostly with absolute batshit. He's so crazy it hurts. He recently wrote the following passage on someone's MySpace page. It comes after he rambles about burning the flag because "the flag in the film is unknown":

Loughner: Crazier than he looks.

You shouldn't be afraid of the stars. There's a new bird on my right shoulder. The beak is two feet and lime green. The rarest bird on earth, there's no feathers, but small grey scales all over the body. It's with one large red eye with a light blue iris. The bird feet are the same as a woodpecker. This new bird and there's only one, the gender is not female or male. The wings of this bird are beautiful; 3 feet wide with the shape of a bald eagle that you could die for. If you can see this bird then you will understand. You think this bird is able to chat about a government?I want you to imagine a comet or meteoroid coming through the atmosphere.

This is just the kind of thing you get over and over from Loughner. The only thing close to a real issue are his ramblings about currency and the lack of a gold standard. I suppose that's more common among those in the right -- you know, the gold and guns guys (come to think of it, Glenn Beck talks about gold a lot, but then he's getting paid to sell it). Throw in the fact that he tried to join the military and was a gun owner and you'd have to say he sounds more right-wing than left. But I'm pretty confident that all of this is only further proof of his

severe batshit leanings. Here's more evidence:

Firstly, the current government officials are in power for their currency, but I'm informing you for your new currency! If you're treasurer of a new money system, then you're responsible for the distributing of a new currency. We now know -- the treasurer for a new money system, is the distributor of the new currency. As a result, the people approve a new money system which is promising new information that's accurate, and we truly believe in a new currency. Above all, you have your new currency, listener?

Secondly, my hope -- is for you to be literate! If you're literate in English grammar, then you comprehend English grammar. The majority of poeple, who reside in District 8, are illiterate -- hilarious. I don't control your English grammar structure, but you control your English grammar structure.

Thirdly, I know who's listening: Government Officials, and the People. Nearly all the people, who don't know this accurate information of a new currency, aren't aware of mind control and brainwash methods. If I have my civil rights, then this message wouldn't have happen.

In conclusion, my ambition -- is for informing literate dreamers about a new currency; in a few days, you know I'm conscience dreaming! Thank you!

As grim and awful as this shooting has been, I couldn't help but laugh at the end there. "In conclusion..." All this insane rambling and then he finishes sounding like he's finishing a thesis. In his last video, he devolves not only into meaningless words but meaningless numbers.

My Final Thoughts: Jared Lee Loughner!

Most people, who read this text, forget in the next 2 second!

The population of dreamers in the United States of America is less than 5%!

If 987,123,478,961,876,341,234,098,601,978,618 is the year in B.C.E. then the previous year is 987,123,478,961,876,341,234,098,601,978,619 B.C.E.

987,123,478,961,876,341,234,098,601,978,618 is the year in B.C.E.

Therefore, the previous year of 987,123,478,961,876,341,234,098,601,978,619 B.C.E.

If B.C.E. years are unable to start then A.D.E. years are unable to begin.

B.C.E. years are unable to start.

Thus, A.D.E. years are unable to begin.

If A.D.E. is endless in year then the years in A.D.E. don't cease.

A.D.E. is endless in year.

Therefore, the years in A.D.E. don't cease.

And he goes on and on about things before he decides to discuss the topic of terrorism:

If I define terrorist then a terrorist is a person who employs terror or terrorism, especially as a political weapon. I define terrorist. This, a terrorist is a person who employs terror or terrorism, especially as a political weapon. If you call me a terrorist then the argument to call me a terrorist is Ad hominem. You call me a terrorist. Thus, the argument to call me a terrorist is Ad hominem. Every United States Military recruit at MEPS in Phoenis is receiving one mini bible before the tests. Jared Loughner is a United States Military recruit at MEPS in Phoenix. Therefore, Jared Loughner is receiving one mini bible before the tests. I didn't write a belief on my Army application, and the recruiter wrote on the application; None. The majority of citizens in the United States of America have never read the United States of America's Constitution. You don't have to accept the federalist laws. Nonetheless, read the United States of America's Constituion to apprehend all of the current treasonous laws. You're literate, listener? If the property owners and government officials are no longer in ownership of their land and laws from a revolution then the revolutionary's from the revolution are in control of the land and laws. The property owners and government officials are no longer in ownership of their land and laws from a revolution. Thus, the revolutionary's from the revolution are in control of the land and laws.

In conclusion, reading the second United States Constitution, I can't trust the current government because of the ratifications: The government is implying mind control and brainwash on the people by controlling grammar.

No! I won't pay debt with a currency that's not backed by gold and silver!

No! I won't trust in God!

What's government if words don't have meaning?

Yes, and what are Loughner's politics when his own words don't have meaning? There's just nothing there. Want to find out what he thinks through the books he read? Good luck with that. Here's the favorite books he listed on MySpace: Animal Farm, Brave New World, The Wizard of Oz, Aesop Fables, The Odyssey, Alice Adventures Into Wonderland, Fahrenheit 451, Peter Pan, To Kill a Mockingbird, We the Living, Phantom Toll Booth, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Pulp,Through the Looking Glass, The Communist Manifesto, Siddhartha, The Old Man and the Sea, Gulliver's Travels, Mein Kampf, The Republic, and Meno.

I could try to wade through those but I will say one theme running through those books is the plight of the individual versus government. Pulp, by the way, is a mock detective novel by Charles Bukowski. I need to read that.

In conclusion, Jared Lee Loughner makes no sense. He never will make any sense. I think he's the craziest mass killer we've ever seen. In conclusion, if anyone tries to tell you they know Loughner's political bent at the time of the shootings, ask him where he got the giant bird with a two-foot lime green beak on his shoulder.

Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter

Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss New Times Broward-Palm Beach's biggest stories.