by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
KINGS UPDATE: 17-7, first place! Half a game up on the Lakers, and second
only to the 76ers for BEST record in the league! Yahoo!
UPN...Thursday?
TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
"Last Monday" video package
Opening Credits
LIGHT IT UP - coming to you on tape from the Hive in Charlotte, NC 21.12.2K
(taped 19.12) and airing on the United Paramount Network (transmitido en
espanol SAP), THIS....is WWF SmackDown! And he...is back.
As "No Chance in Hell" plays, BILLIONAIRE VINCE swaggers out, along with a
freshly-heel-crimpled STEPHANIE ONO. Lawler calls him "the Vince who stole
Christmas" from Foley. "In the uh, in the tradition of the holiday
spirit...that's not the tradition I was about to speak of...in the
tradition of the holiday spirit, I have a confession to make. That's true,
I - I have a confession to make. I would like to confess, and quite
frankly I think many of you will find this difficult to believe, but I
would like to confess that, contrary to popular opinion, I am NOT a role
model. I'm not. I know I've probably burst some young person's bubble out
there by saying that. I know that some middle-aged ne'er-do-well is
saying, 'ohh, and I wanted my son to grow up just like him,' but I admit
it. I am not a role model, although I have played one on television from
time to time. But what I am saying - I'm not saying that's it all right to
drive your wife of over thirty years to a nervous breakdown...I'm not
saying that's all right. I'm not saying it's all right to fire a legendary
performer and former comissioner Mick Foley at Christmas time - I'm not
saying THAT'S all right. I'm not saying any of that is all right, I'm just
saying it's all right...for me, because I'm Vince McMahon. And to quote
Abraham Lincoln in his inaugural address, 'all that I am and I hope to be,
I owe to....ME.' And quite frankly, as of late, I also owe to...DADDY'S
LITTLE GIRL, Stephanie!" "Slut!" Stephanie hits her one pose.
"Dad...Dad, you're giving me way too much credit. I mean, after all, I am
who I am because of YOU. You're the one who gave me my superior intellect
and genetics. You've taught me everything that you know. You've instilled
in me the values necessary for me to grow and develop. I mean, you're the
one who taught me how to find the weakness in people. Like, okay,
Mom...for example. I mean, Dad, the reason why Mom could never excel in
business the way that you do is because she always let her heart and her
feelings get in the way of her brain. I mean, Dad, you were right...Mom is
fragile. She's weak - now more than ever. But don't get me wrong - I
mean, I love Mom...but she's just not the right person for the job. But,
Dad...you are. I mean, you have - you have the reputation of being the
most honest, and respected..." "Fo-ley!" "You can chant his name all you
want, but Mick Foley is FIRED." "And unlike, yes, unlike Mick Foley, my
father has always respected and treated WWF superstars fairly. And, Dad, I
disagree with you - you ARE a role model. You have the reputation of being
the most upstanding icon in the entertainment industry. Mick Foley never
had that! Do you realise that Mick Foley allowed Stone Cold Steve
Austin...to drop my husband Triple H's car from a forklift forty feet in
the air! Mick Foley never bothered to check to see if Triple H was
medically cleared to wrestle in a Hell in the Cell match! And Triple H
*wasn't* cleared. And now my husband is in traction, and he is unable to
do what he loves most. Daddy, I am so proud of you - you only did what you
had to do to regain control of this company. I mean, Dad - the World
Wrestling Federation, under your dominant rule, is far better off...and so
are WWF fans." "So, therefore, from the McMahon family to yours, Happy
Holidays everyone! Happy Holidays!"
TONIGHT: The tag team titles are on the line as the new champions face the
old ones in a return match! Undertaker & Rock vs. Edge & Christian!
XFL Ventura monologue
Outside the arena, Vince tells Stephanie that she's done so much for the
business...now it's time to go home and do the right thing for her family.
"...the one thing I know is, if you have a spouse that's sick or hurt or
something like that, you need to be right there at their side, to...to
support them, and PLEASE give Triple H my regards." Vince waves as the
limo leaves...almost immediately after, Trish arrives and runs a finger
down Vince's back. "Hi Mr. McMahon - I'm sorry, did I catch you at a bad
time?" McMahon looks back - limo's gone - no, it's a very good time.
How's she doing? "I'm good - you know - umm, after Monday night, I did
take quite a beating from Jackie, which is fine - I'm up for a good fight.
I like aggression." I think Vince may need that smile surgically removed.
Trish says, in the spirit of fair play (which she knows he believes in), a
title shot for Jackie is in order. "You know, I think I get your drift,
consider that down, by the way I can see it's very cold in here....let's go
inside where it's just a little bit more...warm." Arm in arm, they start
WALKING!
THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ (with WWF.com logo) v. LO DOWN (with Tiger Ali Singh) -
"When my two brothers and I come out here, we demand ALL OF YOUR RESPECT.
Quite frankly, I find your prejudice appalling. We are not taxicab
drivers, we are superior athletes! And if your ignorance does not stop -
well then, we will simply beat the respect out of your
inferior...*American* athletes." Lawler: "Raghead - why are they dressed
like taxicab drivers - these guys know how to operate the Slurpee machine?"
On one hand, this is a timeless old-school stereotyping technique employed
throughout wrestling's storied history...on the other hand, Lawler's
comments....well, I guess I'm just glad *I* didn't say them. Cole makes it
moot by bringing a perspective to which I can better relate: "Last I
checked, Chaz & D'Lo were from Jersey." They stop at the bottom of the
ramp and engage in ritualistic back turning, so the Dudleyz go outside to
punk 'em out. Their turbans have CHIN STRAPS? Ha! The brawl spreads into
the ring, where the WWF formula demands that one man quickly be thrown out
- it's Chaz. As referee "Blind" Teddy Long puts Buh Buh Ray into his
corner, a whip is reversed and Chaz trips up D-Von, D'Lo with an elbow to
the back. Into the ropes, dropkick. Tag, Brown got him into the sidewalk
slam position, Chaz with a legdrop to complete the combo - cover, 2. Kick,
D-Von tries a right, Chaz with a right, into the corner, D-Von gets the
boot up. D-Von runs at Chaz but falls into an atomic drop. Chaz off the
ropes with a high clothesline. Stomp. Stomp. Chaz punching away on the
small of the back. Crowd wants something....some type of furniture. Tag
to Brown - Chaz puts Dudley on the ropes and has Brown hold him for the
classic Beverly Brothers leapfrog splash onto the back doubleteam. Free
shot for Buh Buh Ray..then they decide to go out and stomp on HIM, drawing
Long outside...and allowing Singh to come into the ring and give D-Von a
neckbreaker. Back in is Brown and Long - 1, 2, no. Right by Brown, into
the opposite corner...D-Von sidesteps the charge and Brown jumps to the
second rope - Dudley quickly behind with a super neckbreaker and both men
are down. Both men tag! Buh Buh Ray with the clothesline! Clothesline!
Sidewalk slam! Back body drop for Brown, and a clothesline! Tag to
D-Von...Chaz on the shoulders - Dudley Device! 1, 2...Brown makes the
save. All four men in the ring - now D-Von and Chaz outside...Chaz holding
D-Von just long enough for Singh to try the clothesline...and take out his
man when Dudley ducks out of the way. Cole sayd the legal men are in the
ring, which is a DAMN LIFE - Buh Buh Ray with a boot to the face as Chaz
tries the charge - scoop...and a slam. "Wazzup." Testify dance.
D-Von...something something! Buh Buh Ray over to give Singh a right hand,
taking him off the apron. Meanwhile, Chaz is back in and attempting to
take it to D-Von, but when the whip is reversed, everybody sees it
coming...3D! Dudley Death Drop! D-Von covers...hey, LONG knows who's
legal - 1, 2, 3! (4:13) Even Lawler notices the chin strap on D'Lo.
Replay of the finish.
After admiring the decorations in his office, Vince asks Tim White how he's
feeling after the Stunner on Monday. "Well, I think I'm gonna all right -
I'll be okay to work." "Are you sure you can referee tonight?" "Yeah...I
think so." "Well let me just tell you this - from now on, on my
watch...referees around here are gonna be treated with something known
as...RESPECT. And you know what? I'm gonna show you exactly what I mean,
Tim White - I'm gonna show you exactly what I mean, starting tonight."
"Thanks, Vince." Vince starts singing "Deck the Halls" softly to himself
after White leaves...
Let Us Take You Back to During the Break, when Steve Austin arrived....and
he was WALKING!
Let Us Take You Back to RAW, where referee Tim White disqualified Steve
Austin, thinking he had used the European title to knock out William Regal.
Austin met this decision with some...resistance, namely, a Stunner and a
beer poured on him.
WWF WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP: JACQUELINE (with Let Us Take You Back to RAW) v.
IVORY (by her damn self...and Let Us Take You Back 2 Weeks to RAW) -
"Jackie...I am SO disappointed in your behaviour. It's
completely...immoral. Now I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to make an
example out of you tonight...just like I did poor Chyna." Jackie swipes
the mic. "Penguin, please.....let's dance." And then...THEY START
DANCING! No, they don't. Don't they have this match every three months
whether they need it or not? I know I'll regret calling this match in
about a minute and a half, but let's go. Clothesline ducked, Jackie kicks,
arm wringer, reversed - Jackie with an arm drag takeover, another - Ivory
fights to her feet - into the ropes, shoulderblock by Jackie. Up and over,
Ivory leapfrogs, Jackie dropkicks. 1, 2, no. To the corner, right, right,
whips her into the opposite corner, Jackie going for the monkey flip...but
she forgot to take Ivory with her and lands flat on her back. Ivory rolls
her up - 2. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Tonight, Regal takes on Hardcore Holly
with the title on the line! And don't forget the tag team title bout!
Ivory with an arm wringer, pounding on the arm - Northern Lights
suplex...2. Ivory with the half nelson...Jackie elbowing out. Right by
Jackie, into the ropes, back body drop. Repeatedly ramming her head into
the mat...well now STEVEN RICHARDS, WALL BUCHANAN & GOODFATHER are out to
boos. Jackie with a right, into the ropes, spin kick - cover...but
Richards has referee "Blind" Jack Doan's attention. Of course, that means
that he's missing Goodfather pulling Jackie off. Doan tells Goodfather &
Buchanan they aren't welcome at ringside, and while they argue, Jackie
comes off the ropes with a baseball slide dropkick to both of them!
Unfortunately, her back is to her opponent - Ivory hits the DEVASTATING
schoolboy...for the fall. (2:08) The ACOLYTES run out to clear the ring
of Buchanan & Goodfather...I smell feud a-brewin'. So how did Trish figure
into all this?
Backstage, Debra watches the proceedings on the Magic Window... "Damn
shame!" says Vince. All those run-ins are a holdover of the Foley regime.
As well, Foley never treated HER fairly. He'd like her to be HIS
lieutenant commish - what kind of match would she like to make if she were
in that position? Debra offers Steven Richards vs. Billy Gunn, since RTC
has never been punished for what they did to Chyna. McMahon says he WILL
make that match...and Debra agrees to become lieutenant commissioner. They
shake on it...and Debra rolls her eyes after Vince leaves...
Royal Rumble promo - MIDGETS AND AMISH
You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN!
UPN 44 is giving away two ringside seats to the Oakland 9 January
SmackDown! taping! THEN, win some 50-yard-line seats for the SF Demons
opener at Pac Bell Park! Visit upn44.tv to enter!
Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER.
Lawler's cel phone rings...it's a phone call from Gary & Mike. Oh Lord. I
leave it to you to figure out how a couple of animated guys can show up
next week.
Outside the arena, another limousine pulls up - and exiting are a serious
Edge & Christian...and a chipper Kurt Angle. "Kurt...I know we've talked
about it since Monday, and I know we have a rematch tonight, but we want
our titles." "Guys, of course you'll get 'em back. You're the best tag
team in the world! Why wouldn't you?" "We know that, Kurt, but
seriously...we want our tag team titles back tonight." "Guys. You guys
worry to much - let's go!"
KEVIN KELLY stands in the unwavering presence of the Rock. Did he just say
he and Undertaker "unexpectedly" became tag team champions? "The Rock and
the Undertaker unexpectedly became tag team champions? Unexpectedly? Let
the Rock ask you a question, Kevin Kelly. Was the Rock in the match?"
"Yes." "Did the Rock lay the smack down?" "Yes." "Are you a man with no
testicles?" "Yes--no!" "Yes?" "No!" "Yes, you have no testicles? No,
no you have no testicles? Now shut your mouth - ask the Rock your
question." Was his victory marred by the public humiliation and firing of
Foley? "You know, the Rock heard what happened last Monday night. The
Rock heard that Vince McMahon gained total control of the WWF. The Rock
heard that Mick Foley got fired. And the Rock also heard that when Kurt
Angle and Vince McMahon had Mick Foley down, Edge and Christian waited for
him to get up...and hit him in the head with two chairshots. Well,
congratulations Edge and Christian. It takes real big men to beat on Mick
Foley when he's down, real big men to beat on Mick Foley when he's
bleeding. Well, Edge and Christian....tonight, why don't you come and beat
on the Rock." "Rock E!" "You see, Edge & Christian, tonight's a very
special night, something you're failing to realise. Unlike any other
night, tonight is the Rock's show, tonight...is SmackDown! And the Rock is
gonna make it very simple - no convoluted plan, no twists, no turns, no
plots. And it goes like this: here's the WWF tag team title...here's the
door, here's the ceiling, here's the floor, here's a man with no testicles.
And here's the Rock. And here's the People's Eyebrow, here's the People's
Elbow and here's the Rock's boot, which means he's gonna take it and he's
gonna whip both your candy(beep) all over Charlotte!" "Rock E!" "Edge and
Christian....IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLALALALALAOWWWWW what the Rock...is
cookin'."
Vince McMahon is WALKING! There's a knock on Stone Cold Steve Austin's
door...and he enters. He asks him to hold on a minute...he's in the
holiday spirit, and he's hoping he is as well. "I've got some news for you
- you know, what you did to poor Tim White, the official Monday night
when--" "He made the wrong call! What do you expect me to do?" "But you
Stunned him and you poured beer all over him - you, you can't - you can't
spit in the face of authority like that, you've got to learn to respect
it!" "Really?" "Well, I mean..listen, I don't want you to think this is
punishment - I, that's not where I'm going here, okay? This is not - no,
no no...and I'm not even asking you to compete, okay, and I've got complete
and total authority now, I'm not asking you to compete tonight. All I'm
asking you to do is to be an official - you see, I want you to know what it
feels like to be an official like Tim White." "Well I came here to compete
and you want me to be a referee, that's what you're saying to me?" "That's
exactly what I'm saying. As a matter of fact, I have a match picked out
that shouldn't be too difficult for--" "Now you're saying I'm stupid."
"Nonononono, not at all, I am NOT saying anything like that at all. It's
just that tonight, you're refereeing the - the European title match, and if
I were you, I'd - I might wanna get a more appropriate shirt than the one
you're wearing for an official, okay? I'll see ya out there--" "I'm
telling you right now I don't wanna be an official." "Well, now I don't
want this to, you know, break the Christmas spirit, all right? I
mean....but Stone Cold as an official works for the WWF, so, thank you very
much, and....I'll, I'll see you out there, okay? Thank you. Oh, one thing
- there's one - I'd - I'd be remiss if I didn't say....Merry Christmas."
"Yeah, Merry Christmas to you Vince, you ain't gonna like me as a referee."
The Hardy Boyz & Lita are WALKING!
Meanwhile, Chris Jericho is WALKING! It's a six man versus the Radicals NEXT!
SmackDown! 2 ad
WHY would you pay $85 when you ALREADY have a perfectly good oven to put
your frozen pizzas in? I mean, how many frozen pizzas do you EAT, anyway?
I *maybe* have one a month...and I consider myself on the high end of
frozen pizza eating!
And now, the WWF Slam of the Week, presented by 1-800-COL-LECT...from
Monday, Benoit quickly dispatches Jeff Hardy in an IC title defense.
PERRY SATURN & VANILLA MIDGETS (with Terri...and Let Us Take You Back to
RAW) v. HARDYZ BOYZ (with Lita) and CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO - Monday,
Jericho put Terri in the Walls of Jericho...which, in retrospect, was a
pretty bad idea as all three of the Radicalz tripleteamed him afterwards.
Jericho's got THE STICK: "You know, it is so nice to see, in this holiday
season, that even the Radicalz have found that special somebody to cuddle
up to. I mean, you have Perry Saturn and his girlfriend Terri (the
Tramp)....and then you have, Dean Malurkel, and his 'when hell freezes over
and platypuses fly outta my butt' girlfriend Lita. And then you have Chris
Benoit. Mr. Roboto, I was so excited for you when I found out that even
you, too, found that special someone, and judging from this photograph, you
two are a perfectly matched couple!" Jericho puts a photo of Benoit and
the Jetsons' maid on the OvalTron. "That is a beautiful shot - and now
that you've found her, I guess all you want for Christmas now is your one
front tooth. Monocles...it's go time!" They rush the ring and it's a Pier
Sixer, baby. Malenko quickly clotheslined out by Matt - Benoit and Jericho
going at it in the corner, Saturn put into the ropes, double back elbow,
legdrop/fistdrop combo. The Chrisses are outside as the Hardyz stay on
Saturn. Tandem legdrops. Saturn in the corner, Matt stomping and ready to
go down for Poetry in Motion, but Terri has Jeff's ankle. Jericho over to
grab Terri...Malenko saves her. THEY go at it, but Jericho managed to put
Terri in the ring for the Hardyz, first. Wedgie! Wedgie! Hardyz try
their version of the double wheelbarrow, but Saturn breaks her fall.
Benoit kicks Matt, and Matt goes out. I think it's FINALLY down to one on
one as Malenko kicks at Jeff. 1-800-COL-LECT Double Feature from a
non-ass-lookin' standpoint, so what's the point? Damn TV-PG rating. Tag
to Benoit, open kick, right, kick, shoulder first into the turnbuckle,
kick, kick, arm wringer, tag to Saturn for the open kick. Northern Lights
onto the hammerlock. Malenko in - into the corner, sat on top, right hand,
Hardy fights him off and shoves him to the mat - swantonbomb! But Jeff is
hurt, so he tags out to Jericho - clothesline! Off the ropes, flying
jalapeno! Chop, into the ropes, back body drop, right for Saturn, right
for Benoit - springboard dropkick to Malenko on the apron...he falls to the
floor. Lita is over to...check on him? No, it's a ruse - she shoves
Malenko hard into the STEEL steps. It's ALL breaking down now - Matt puts
Malenko back in the ring...then goes after Saturn, who was chasing Lita up
the ramp. Bulldog by Jericho on Malenko - Lionsault - 1, 2, 3! (3:13) I
went though this whole match without mentioning Hebner. Sorry.
Backstage, Vince greets Rodney (MEAN STREET CAMEO!) then catches up to
Raven. "Al Snow, okay?" "Al Snow." "You did what you had to do."
"Absolutely!" "It's all on Mick Foley's head, not on yours, all right?"
"Damn Foley." "Now then...I was impressed, however, also with your match
with the Undertaker." "Oh...Undertaker." "Look, a man like you who stood
up to the Undertaker needs to be rewarded." "Yeah, I stood up to him!"
"So therefore, tonight you get a shot at Blackman's hardcore title." "It's
about time. Thank you very much." "Good luck." "Thank you!"
Meanwhile, Austin arranges for some kegs. Tim White hand-delivers a ref
shirt for him to wear, and distinguish himself as the referee. "I ain't
gonna wear that..it'd be sacrilege!" Instead, he grabs some white spray
paint and paints "REF 3:16" on his own T-shirt. It's NEXT!
WWF Home Video "Break Down the Walls" and "Kurt Angle: It's True It's True" ad
Jakks Pacific "Backstage Mayhem" ad
You're watching UPN (UPN!) UPN
Here's an exterior shot of the festive...XFL balloon?
WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: WILLIAM REGAL (with Let Us Take You Back to RAW)
v. KOOL MOE DEE - "Hullo to all my friends here in Charlotte! My victory
last Monday night over Stone Cold Steve Austin...was a victory for goodwill
everywhere. It just goes to show you that good manners and proper
etiquette can OLWAYS victor over a dirty, foul, insignificant, filthy
miserable uncouth toerag like Stone Cold Steve Austin. Thank you for your
time, thank you." Don't forget: RAW is WAR will be ALL-NEW Christmas
Night! (I'll bet the opening credits will be EXACTLY the same.) Still no
ref...oh, wait, here comes STEP OFF DOT COM wearing his customised shirt.
Words for Holly, words for Regal. Regal wants to keep talking, Holly wants
to GIT IT OWN and forearms him (right) in the back, so Austin rings the
bell. Right, right, right, in the corner, kick, kick, kick, kikc, into the
opposite corner is reversed, but Holly gets the boot up, shoulder to the
turnbuckle, powered out by Regal, shoulderblock by Holly, up and over, knee
in the gut by Regal. Meanwhile, Austin's had a beer tossed to him. Regal
covers - Austin over...to sip his beer. Holly kicks out at zero. Austin
calls for another beer - Regal with a chop - Holly reverses, gutshot, into
the ropes, Best Dropkick in the Business (FINALLY got Cole to call it that
- thanks, Cole), Holly covers...Austin slow to get over with two beers in
his hand, Regal kicks out at 1. Holly: "What the hell you doin'?" Austin:
"Only a one count, only a one." Regal from behind, another forearm, stomp,
stomp. Austin outside as Regal knees him. Austin asks for a headset.
Holly reverses the double underhook by lifting him up and over, across his
back...wow. Too bad we're looking at Austin. "I never realised how
thirsty refereein' made me - hold on we got a near fall." Holly drops
Regal backward - 1, 2, no. "Two count!" Holly with a right, into the
ropes, clothesline (right). Suplex. Cover - Austin with a Tommy
Young-esque dive (ha!)...and a one. Holly takes umbrage...Gutshot by
Regal, into the opposite corner is reversed - Regal tries to stop himself,
but brushes Austin...spilling his beer. Austin expresses
some....disappointment in Regal. KICK WHAM STUNNER #47! Holly, who not
only is too lame to bust out his left forearm but is ALSO too lame to cover
Regal to take the title, take it up with Austin. KICK WHAM STUNNER #48.
Austin has two more beers thrown to him....and starts a ten count. Crowd
picks it up so Austin goes for a cold one...but *now*, the puro goes off
and WELL IT'S KANE walks out. Austin starts to get serious. Right, Kane
right, Austin, Kane, Austin, Austin, Austin, Austin, Austin, Austin, Regal
from behind with a left, Austin turns aroundn and throws rights to HIM -
Regal with an eyepoke. Kane with ahhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM. Play his music
and hit his lighting treatment! I guess that'll do us for this segment.
(No contest? About 4 minutes)
WWF Fanatic Series: Three Faces of Foley in December! What's left of
December, anyway
"No Mercy" ad - I SUCK at this game, by the way. Perhaps I'm too old
Jakks Pacific "Backstage Mayhem" ad #2
You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN!
It must be close to Christmas, judging by all these commercials
Hey! That guy said "arse!" THIS IS A TV-PG SHOW!
Moments Ago, something entertaining happened...then Kane showed up
Backstage, Austin goes prowling for Kane...but finds Vince. He accuses
Vince of sending Kane - Vince vehemently denies it...but offers him in a
match...on Monday. Austin accepts. Wow, when was the last time they told
us what was coming up on the next show?
CRASH & MOLLY HOLLY (with SmackDown! is brought to you by Crunch 'n Munch,
WWF Shop Zone dot com, and Chef Boyardee Overstuffed Beef Ravioli) v. KAI
EN TAI - If you haven't been watching Heat, you probably don't know that
the men from the land of the Rising Sun have hired La Parka's voice coach,
who apparently didn't have anything better to do with WCW firing all the
non-English speakers. Taka with THE PROP: "Hollys! Tonight we put an end
to your foolish antics! Your family has grown tired and worrisome!"
Funaki: "In-DEED." And they rush the ring. Taka easily kicks Molly while
Funaki and Crash back and forth it - double whip from Kai & Tai, double
duck, double ranas by the Hollys! Double dropkick! Kai takes a powder,
allowing referee "Blind" Tim White to direct Molly to the outside. Holly
kicking away on Tai - whip into the opposite corner is reversed, boot up by
Crash, Tai ducks the clothesline and hits a death suplex. Stomp. Into the
ropes, nice drop toehold...Kai in for the trademark camel clutch/bow and
dropkick to the face combo. I LOVE that move. Molly in - White keeps her
away. Crash peppers Tai, but runs into a back elbow off the ropes. Head
to the tuncbuckle, BIG kick which lingers in a choke on the neck. Tag to
Kai...who ends up going back outside (huh?) while Tai puts Crash into the
adjacent corner. Whip into the opposite corner, big superkick. Snap
suplex. Stomp, Kai in and they doubleteam on the stomping. White
protests, they blow him off. Now *Molly's* in - slap for Kaik, kick, kick,
full rotation on the chop. Reversed, kick - now we check out Crash and
Tai, who are exchanging punches. Molly whipped into Crash who boosts her
over his head into a press! Into the ropes, floatover DDT on Tai by Molly.
Holly takes Kai out with a slop drop, and he rolls out. Molly with a
missile dropkick on Tai! Tornado bulldog! 1, 2, 3! (2:31)
LILIAN GARCIA is backstage with Undertaker. How's he feel about things?
"Well, me and McMahon go way back. Hell, I probably know more about Vince
than Vince does himself. So we kinda have an understanding. If Vince
stays out of my yard...Vince won't get hurt. As far as the rematch
goes...Edge and Christian...pain is the name of the game."
To the challengers' locker room. "The name of the game is pain? What's he
talkin' about?" "I don't know, it sounds like the Undertaker wants to get
himself intentionally disqualified so he and the Rock can retain our tag
team titles!" "Guys, guys, what are you worried about? It's just an
expression! 'The name of the game is pain.' Why are you so worried? You
guys are the four-time tag team champions." "Kurt, this is serious. You
promised us we'd walk away with our tag team titles tonight." "You
promisd!" "Hey, listen, if you're worried that much...I'll see what I can
do, okay? All right?" "I hope so."
Meanwhile, Steve Blackman swings his mighty weapons! He's NEXT!
RAW is WAR airs on TNN - if you don't get it, demand it!
The Royal Rumble Replay is from 1996, when Shawn Michael superkicked Diesel
out of the ring to win his second Rumble in a row. Vince McMahon and Mr.
Perfect provide commentary!
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: MR. PARTY TIME (with the WWF.com logo...and
Riggs & Murtaugh) v. RAVEN (with his own plundah...but I don't see a cinder
block) - Raven dumps his garbage can in the ring. Blackman decides to go
outside. "You wanna play?" He produces a kendo stick of his own. Raven
has a stick...and a garbage can lid. Raven takes a swing - Blackman
parries and hits the lid. Repeat. Blackman's had enough of this - he asks
him to take a shot at him - Blackman sidesteps it, stick to the back, stick
to the front, legsweep with the stick. Stomp. Blackman looks for
something else to use - got a trashcan lid - into the ropes, and
kneecapping him. Discus lidshot to the back of the head - SOMEHOW Raven
kicks out at 2. Raven with a surprise lid shot. Outside the ring we go -
Raven with a Russian legsweep into the barricade. Head to the barricade.
Running at Blackman, but he ducks and Raven crossboy blocks a fan.
Blackman over, reposition the fans...whoops, he's got a fan in a black
T-shirt, but that ain't Raven - Raven's the guy who just caved in your head
with a popcorn tray. Back to the ring we go, Raven with a trashcan lid in
each hand, but Blackman outquicks him and takes him over with an arm drag -
lethal punch, lid to the head, 1, 2, Raven smites HIM with a lid to the
head. Kendo stick to Blackman's abs, and to his back. Blackman's
down...Raven has the garbage can, stalking him...Blackman with a drop
toehold and Raven's head bounces off the can! Blackman brings another
garbage can...and the It's Party Time sticks. Hundred sticks to Raven.
Another shot to the back. Stick-in-the-crotch slam. 1, 2, KICKOUT!!
What's Blackman got left? Raven with an uppernut to turn it around - Raven
DOES know how to use the fire extinguisher. Raven with a boot to
Blackman's head. Picking up the can, daring him to come near him as he
climbs the corner - Blackman with a superkick to the can to Raven's head -
he leans back on the top turnbuckle. Blackman up top...yikes, I don't like
the way that garbage can is standing on end - SUPER DDT onto the garbage
can! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, 3. Good night. (4:10) HIS HOUSE!
To Vince McMahon, fingering his wedding band...and welcoming "Kurt Angle!
Let me just say...last Monday night, you proved yourself to be a GREAT WWF
Champion." "Thank you very much, Mr. McMahon, I really appreciate that.
But I was talking to Edge and Christian, and they're a little concerned
about tonight's match. Umm, they're a little worried that, you know the
Rock and the Undertaker might cheat or get themselves disqualified in their
match, and...I don't know what to tell them, you know?" "Mmmm....mmmmmm!
Tell them...tell them I think I've got an idea - I think I've got an idea
that's going to make certain that this is a very...*fair* match for them."
"All right." "Okay...and before you do...let me ask you a question.
Always wanted to know. (grabs a medal) This one, okay? There's got to be
a story - there's got to be a story behind this one..." "Oh, a good one."
"Yeah..."
Strange to see an ad for "The Hughleys," which airs same time as some other
show on TNN...
SmackDown! 2 ad #2
"No Mercy" ad #2
And now, the WWF Rewind, presented by Presto, makers of the Pizzazz pizza
oven! From Monday, Val Venis gets the duke on Billy Gunn...with a little
help from his friends.
Angle is back to his mates. "Listen, guys - I talked to Mr. McMahon, and
we had...we had a wonderful conversation. And he guaranteed a fair match
tonight." "And...?" "And - and you're gonna run down and help us, right?"
"Guys. Now do you think that would be fair? I don't think so. Listen,
you guys'll be fine, don't worry. Just do your best. New champs, I know
it." "Kurt! ....what's he TALKING about?"
THA 1 BILLY GUNN (with 1-800-COL-LECT presents the Royal Rumble 21
January!) v. STEVEN RICHARDS - we pause before Richards' entrance to allow
Lawler to shill Lugz. Cough, cough. Gunn is out to meet Richards before
the bell, right, into the ring, bell rings, Richards begs off. Gunn with a
kick, right, right. Cole predicts this'll be "slow, methodical, and
painful" which is a straight line if I ever heard it. Into the opposite
corner, Richards ducks a clothesline, Gunn ducks a superkick, Gunn lands a
clothesline. Stomp, stomp, stomp...Debra watching the Magic Window...Gunn
with the Impossible Press followed by the quick drop. Mount, right, right,
right. Referee "Blind" Chad Patton" would like him to please open the
fists up. In the corner, right, right, right, right, yelling at
Patton...and Richards manages a low blow. Running, swinging neckbreaker.
Chop by Richards. Into the opposite corner, elbow to the back (I think).
Richards over his back, rabbit punching his head, blatant choke...and to a
version of the camel clutch...Gunn slowly powering up...got Richards on his
shoulders - drops him in an electric chair. Both men are down. Richards
up - Gunn blocks, right. Block, right. Into the ropes, powerlsam by
Richards. Into the ropes, tilt-a-whirl slam. Cobra clutch slam - 1, 2, 3.
(2:47) Get Gunn some oxygen STAT!
Edge & Christian are WALKING!
Meanwhile, Undertaker is WALKING!
Meanwhile, Rock is WALKING!
Meanwhile, Gangrel is WALKING!
No, wait, that last one only happened in my mind.
You're watching WWF SmackDown! on U! PN! UPN!
Time now for the Lugz Peace & Joy..."Mick Foley....[SCREW YOU] YOU'RE
FIRED...."
Here's a graphic for Austin and Kane - RAW is WAR Christmas Night!
All-New! 9/8c on TNN!
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' DOT COM (on his
Beautiful Titan Bike and with a Limp Bizkit CD cover) and IF YA
SMELLLLLLLLL DOT COM v. EDGE & CHRISTIAN - HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KIM!!!!!
Somehow, the STEEL steps have stood on end and levitated to the barricades
- it's GOTTA be some kinda residual Power of the Dark Side that Undertaker
still commands or something. The Taker wears the belt around his neck -
well, WHY NOT. Champs enter first because tradition can SUCK IT. I think
I just hit all my highspots, so you can skip to the end if you're so
inclined. You know, these four had a nice long match on Monday...somehow I
doubt they'd just replay it for our benefit...ah, well, that's the stuff.
KING KURT ANGLE is out, wearing the stripes...and the WWF Championship.
Edge and Christian FINALLY smile for the first time tonight...but Angle
doesn't meet their gaze OR high fives as he heads down the aisle into the
ring. Rock is rather adamant in his protest, but it's not a good idea to
be turning your back to the Toronto Twosome - Rock punked out from behind
by both men - Christian peels off to punch the Undertaker as Rock comes
back, punching Edge outside. Christian right, right, right - is Angle
telling him to watch the closed fist? - Undertaker turns it around -
soupbone, left, soupbone, left, soupbone, left, soupbone Angle pulls HIM
off. Undertaker makes the flinch, but Angle isn't scared - he displays his
medal instead of pointing to the WWF patch on his shirt. 'Taker with an
arm wringer, STOMPING IT IN (they've been watching their WOW!), Christian
back to his feet...and reversing it! 'Taker throws a soupbone to break it.
Head to the buckle. Into the opposite corner, clothesline. "Angle sux!"
Christian sent back into the other corner - Edge comes in and eats a boot.
Undertaker drops Christian and goes for the ... cross arm breaker? Yikes!
Edge stomps on him to break it. Crowd chants "Rock E" - 'Taker with the
arm wringer, tag, open shot by Rock, right, right, into the ropes, back
elbow. Elbow to the back of the head. Into the ropes, blind tag,
Christian ducks Rock's clothesline, Rock ducks *Edge's* clothesline, then
Rock takes them BOTH down with a double clothesline. Samoan Drop for Edge
gets....a pretty fair 2. Pounding on Edge - elbow to the back of the head
- whip is reversed, Christian grabs the ankle...Rock turns around and pulls
HIM up to the apron by his hair. Christian manages to drop Rock with a hot
shot...and Edge lands with a heel kick. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp,
tag. Christian with the stomp, stomp, stomp. "Rock E!" Right, Rock
right, right, right, right, right is blocked, gutshot by Christian, side
Russian legsweep gets....a fair 2. Christian mounts him and throws four
rights, then makes the tag. Doubleteam stomping...Angle forces Christian
back to his corner...then forces Undertaker from entering the fray as well.
Edge wants to know what's up - this conversation is getting heated...Rock
with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, right, right, right, right,
right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Rock ducks the
clothesline, but they take each other out on a double clothesline. Angle
up to 4...5...6...7...8...both men up...Edge grabs Rock, but he makes the
tag! Soupbone! Soupbone! Into the ropes, big boot! Soupbone for
Christian on the apron! Edge sneaks in a face rake, into the ropes, head
down and Undertakeris ready to try the Last Ride - and hits it! 'Taker
covers...but Angle is busying himself trying to get Christian back in his
corner. Angle looks at the cover...then goes bakc to Christian, egging him
on. Rock is in, spinning around Angle...Angle shoves him back and points
to his medal! (I just noticed - he HAS no WWF patch to point to.) Angle
with another shove for the Rock and another show of the stripes. Angle
takes a swipe at him - Rock ducks it - ROCK BOTTOM! Stomp, stomp, stomp
and Angle rolls out. But now *Undertaker* is taking offense, spinning Rock
around and pointing to the cover that he had. Christian with a sneaky
uppernut to the Taker - Rock with a right that takes him under the ropes
and out of the ring. Rock follows - Christian's head into the guardrail,
the commentary table, again, one more table shot for the man. Right. Back
in the ring, Undertaker has Edge up - CHOKESLAM! Meanwhile, Christian's
managed to turn it around on Rock - Block, right to the gut, head to the
table. Here comes EARL HEBNER...1, 2....Christian breaks up the count!
Christian on the Taker - punches and a blatant choke. Hebner gets in his
face about being in the ring illegally...Undertaker presses him up...and
lets him drop face-first. Rock's back in his corner in the mean
time...where's Angle? Still out? Must be the ref shirt that makes 'em go
comatose. Tag to Edge (I thought he was - oh well) - HOT TAG TO ROCK!
Block, right, right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT! Right for
Christian on the apron - ducks a clothesline from Edge - gutshot, DDT!
Rock hooks a leg but *Hebner* is occupied with Christian. Taker comes in
with a forearm to Christian, taking both of them outside. Rock is up...and
readying himself - spinebuster! Cole just told me Rock called it the
"piebuster" but I'll NEVER, EVER call it that. That's a promise from me to
you. Hey, Angle's back in there! OLYMPIC SLAM ON THE ROCK! Edge placed
on top! Angle with the fair count.....ONE! TWO!
THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Ladies and gentlemen, we have NEW - FIVE-TIME -
tag team champions. (Boeing 7:47) Cole: "Well Kurt Angle just completed
the biggest screwjob in the history of SmackDown! Did Mr. McMahon know
this was going to happen?"
HAVE A COULD BE WORSE CHANUKAH!
Christopher Robin Zimmermanwww.CRZ.net