Summary: So why does B'Elanna hang out with Helmboy when she could be with someone like Seven of Nine? Has anyone thought of the obvious, that she simply doesn't like girls? Here is one possible explanation.

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B’Elanna Torres trembled with lust and more than a little trepidation as Seven of Nine peeled off her tight biosuit. Who’d have thought three years ago that she’d actually be doing this? That she was going to make passionate Klingon love to a stunningly beautiful former drone. B’Elanna had never even been with a woman before, let alone a Borg! Kahless, as far as she knew Seven hadn’t been with anyone full stop!

Her breath caught as Seven, now completely naked, lay back on the bed and spread her legs. B’Elanna’s gaze took its time moving down the full length of the Borg’s exquisite body, starting at the hair that had been released from its tight bun to curl in wavy golden tresses around Seven’s bare shoulders. Those blue-gray eyes usually cold with icy Borg arrogance, now hot with passion. Full red lips quivering with fear and excitement, that soft creamy skin, a curving sensuous body, all the way down to the former drone’s smooth powerful thighs now parted to reveal a thick bush of blonde pubic hair. Clearly shaving was irrelevant.

B’Elanna stared in horror at Seven’s thick bush. The half-Klingon began to shake all over as from deep within her subconscious came the collected race terrors of generations of Klingons and memories of those horrible tales told by her Klingon mother to punish a disobedient child, and B’Elanna fled out the door of her quarters screaming, "AAAAARRGGGHHH!!!! TRIBBLES!!!!!!!!!"

THE END.

(A footnote on the subject of tribbles):

Klingons and tribbles have never gotten along.

The tribbles, endearing furry creatures with an unfortunately overactive reproductive system, were first encountered in 2267 where their adverse reaction to the Klingon species proved instrumental in uncovering a Klingon plot to poison some genetically engineered grain on Starbase K-7. It is unknown why tribbles and Klingons find each other so distasteful, but a clue can be found in the fact that the words ‘cute’ and ‘cuddly’ are not listed in the Official Klingon Dictionary.

The Klingon Empire subsequently went to great lengths to track down the tribbles and exterminate them, not an easy task as the following excerpt reveals:

"With an almighty roar Koloth swung his bat’leth down upon the hideous creature, splitting it in two! But no, his blow had missed, and the cursed tribble had simply given birth once more!"

It is commonly believed that the tribbles were wiped out as a species by the end of the century. Certainly there was no further mention of their existence until some years later. This involved a diplomatic protest by the Klingon Ambassador regarding the legendary James T. Kirk whom, according to the complaint, "had, in a calculated insult to the entire Klingon race, placed one of the feared tribbles on top of his balding head!" Protest riots broke out on the Klingon Homeworld, and in one bloody incident a young Starfleet ensign by the name of Picard was seized by angry Klingons and all the hair shaved from his head.

Though a pet tribble (presumably desexed) was once known to have existed in the kindergarten of the USS Enterprise-D, it was disposed of by Lieutenant Worf’s son, Alexander, during a rather bloody show-and-tell session involving his father’s bat’leth. Worf is believed to have skinned the creature and presented the fur as a toupee in a sign of respect to his captain. Captain Picard politely declined the gift, but his debonair first officer Commander Riker cheerfully agreed to wear it on the end of his chin.

This tradition among Starfleet officers of wearing a tribble has apparently carried through to the present day. A holoimage of Captain Kathryn Janeway, taken on the eve of Voyager’s ill-fated maiden journey, shows her with what appears to be an enormous red tribble on top of her head.

References:

"The Trouble with Tribbles - A thesis on the hazards involved in the transplantation of non-indigenous species", by David Gerrold.

"Fire Songs of the Great Tribble Hunt!" compiled and translated by Ambassador K’Ehleyr.

"Captain Kirk - PetaQ of the Universe!" by Kor. Translated by Curzon Dax.

"Warrior or Weenie? A study of Lieutenant Worf", by Kurn.

"Trials and Tribblations - The hazards of temporal interference and the transplantation of non-indigenous species". Transcript of Temporal Investigations debriefing of Captain Benjamin Sisko.

"My Life as a Lapdog - a first officer aboard Voyager", by Commander Chakotay.