Boofuls Mc Shredderwrecker

So here it is again, that five yearly shred fest. It generally occurs just as a loud boinging sound signals that spring has finally sprung in the nether regions of that great Isle we call Blighty.

I can tell a shred fest is imminent when Boofuls keeps opens the cupboard in which we keep what we laughingly call the filing. As he opens the cupboard he looks and scowls at the piles of paper that have accumulated since the last shred fest, shoves it back into the cupboard as it slides off the top of the overflowing filing trays and tuts loudly announcing, “I really must have a clear out of the filing tray.”

Several weeks of mental preparation later, the shredding commences.

Sheet after sheet of paper gets shredding. Grind, chew, chomp, goes the shredder for hour after hour after noisy, irritating hour, munching it’s way through the paper equivalent of a small rain forest’s worth of trees. Eventually the office floor ends up with bin bags full of diagonally cut shreds of paper. Unless……

The curse of Boofuls McShredderwrecker strikes again. Mr McShredderwrecker happens to be a close relative of Mr Strimmer, that well known destroyer of garden plants.

Boofuls McShredderwrecker strikes fear into the very heart of any hardworking shredder. A task master and slave driver in the extreme, the shredders know that no matter how hard they work, munching, chewing and disgorging paper, it’s never enough. They know that they will be worked until their blades are nothing more than blunt instruments and smoke pours out of their innards, at which point they just give up the ghost screaming as they die, “For pity’s sake man, no more, I beg of you.” Death is a blessed relief for them.

Of course Mr McShredderwrecker shows no mercy. Once one shredder dies he simply replaces it with another. The life and well being of a shredder matters not a jot to him.

Thank God it’s only once every five years, my nerves couldn’t stand it more often than that.

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It’s been a tricky day today one way and another. I was having a quiet five minutes watching the telly and reflecting on the day’s events when I saw this advert which made me laugh out loud and cheered me up no end.