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Friday, February 5

Put a Shine on that Crown!

Earlier this week, I had a bit of a dental emergency when my crown
popped off. In a panic, I popped it back on, gritted my teeth, and promised to
forego my morning bacon until it was fixed. Fortunately, the doc got me in the
next day and I white-knuckled my way through its replacement with no further
complications or drama. Whew!

Thinking about my dental crown had me joking about the figurative crown
I like to think I wear on my head. And I realized it wasn’t really a joke. We
should ALL wear crowns on our heads. Because, as women, we should ALL remember
we are queens, even when we are elbow-deep in dirty dishwater or knee-deep in
other people’s crap.

By saying we are queens, I’m not trying to say we are above the more
hum-drum of domestic tasks. Or that everyone should kneel at our feet and kiss
our rings (though that might be nice, and while my hubby is down there kissing
on my ring…). What I mean is that we should keep in mind the natural royalty we
each have within us. While it’s certainly easier said than done, we should
always hold our heads high, though never look down our noses. We should always
be gracious, but never be doormats. We should always build up and never put
down. And we should always remember our own self-worth, even when we put the
needs of others before our own.

With this in mind, I’d like to offer up some tips on how to be a better
queen, if for no other reason than to remind us to polish and straighten our inherent
crowns, and wear those invisible family jewels with pride.

The Queenly Wave. A proper parade wave is an essential skill for a
queen. Hold your arm at an angle toward the floor and bend your elbow until
your hand is roughly level with your shoulder. There are three basic waves: 1)
Washing the windows. With fingers and thumb held daintily together, rock hand
side to side on your wrist like a metronome (see Queen Elizabeth here). 2) Turning the Lightbulb. Now, cup
your hand around an invisible lightbulb (thumb close to your fingers… don’t let
that digit stray!) and, keeping your hand in line with your forearm, swivel
from your elbow in a loose melon-scooper motion. 3) The Parade Wave. Much like
the rhythm of the Tango, the parade wave begins with two relatively slow rocks
of the arm at the elbow, then two or three quicker rocks from the wrist. Elbow.
Elbow. Wristwristwrist. Repeat.

Table Manners. A queen should always leave the cell phone in the purse,
chew with her mouth closed, pass the salt and pepper together, and enjoy the
food we eat. Mealtime is not just to fuel our bodies, it is also to fuel our
family and our spirits. We can’t do that if we hate what we put in our mouths,
or shovel it in so quickly we can’t even taste it. Speaking of putting things
in our mouths, queens always take small bites of food, so we are prepared to answer
a question, address a child’s behavior, or (if you’re me) put your foot in
there.

Public Speaking. Even when it only involves the Starbucks drive-through
barista, we queens often

have to address the public. Some people recommend
pretending everyone in the room is naked. I disagree, unless you are speaking
at a Male Cover Model convention. Instead, pretend they are close friends who
you don’t have to impress because they already love you. And, when your smile
is trembling so hard you feel an earthquake approach, or when your eyelashes
are quivering so much you’re afraid of typhoon winds, remember that no one else
has any idea any of this is happening. No, really, what you think is an octave-wide
warble in your voice is not even noticeable by others. Let their ignorance give
you nerves of steel.

What does any of this have to do with being a writer or writing? The
same thing it has to do with any aspect of our lives: there is a lot that can
beat us down and distract us if we let it. We can easily lose sight of the fact
that we wear a crown. Success is 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration, and 100%
attitude. Our crown is our attitude. Always remember that, even though it might
be a bit tarnished and askew, your tiara is always there and will never fall
off, no matter how hard life hits.And
practice your parade wave.

Love this post! I think your advice about public speaking is spot on--I was horribly shy in school, but since working in retail, I've developed the ability to approach strangers and talk about almost anything. Basically, you just ask questions--which benefits my writing as well. I don't know that I'll ever write about theft, but I pepper my LP guy with questions all the time. I had a rugby coach come through my line at Christmas and because I loved his accent, I kept asking him questions. I didn't even know they had rugby at the high school level in Washington State. Or the fitness trainer who just opened her own business--I didn't want to hire her, but I was intrigued by someone brave and confident enough in their own abilities to leave a secure job and start their own consultation business.

That's awesome, Margie! I have to admit I usually put my foot in my mouth when I talk with others, especially strangers. You would think someone with "stage" experience and a journalism background would be able to find the right thing to say or question to ask, but I end up being the person who says something like, "Oh, your father has cancer? Well, I like the color blue." :-)