Despite having a net worth of $6.1 billion thanks to a long string of wildly popular Apple products (and even more to his ties to Disney), CEO Steve Jobs has only come in at 42 on a new list of the 400 wealthiest Americans.

It might be difficult for many Apple faithful to remember the dark days before Steve Jobs’ triumphant return to the throne, especially given the absolute hot streak the company has been on in recent years. But one of the people who remember it well is someone who was instrumental in helping the company get back on its feet at the time: former Microsoft chief Bill Gates.

We have received word from the most reliable source in the technology world, really the only source in the technology world, that Bill Gates is teaming up with Apple. This could only mean the eminent destruction of Apple.

Get ready for another entertaining episode of “Bill and Jerry’s Excellent Adventures.” This time, the two decide to leave their gloriously wealthy lives behind for a taste of what it’s like to live a normal life (one that doesn’t involved owning a moon house that hovers over Seattle).

In an effort to coerce the public into believing that Windows Vista really wasn’t a failure, Microsoft released a series of ads featuring the illustrious, and hilarious, Jerry Seinfeld with hopes that the commercials would restore the faith of the non-believers (who may have moved on to better things—like the Church of Apple).