Lori was on myspace and she didn't log out so I posted a silly picture of us on there with the comment "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN LORI GOES ON MY COMPUTER AND DOESN'T LOG OUT". APparently she wasn't too amused by it. Oh well, it was an attempt at a good joke that went wrong. Blah.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Somehow a pair of fillet gloves have been delivered to my address, in particular, to me. I have no idea who sent them to me other than it comes from some website and I never purchased anything from them, ordered anything from them, and I can't imagine why they have my information. All I know is I have these gloves. IF you know who sent them to me please tell me so I can thank them. They're really nice gloves...

Thursday, December 22, 2005

There really isn't a difference. Last night I was with my sister and I wasn't feeling too hot but she drags me to Cost Plus and I really am sick by that point. Basically I wind up passed out on some couch and minutes later we're in her car. I wake up this morning too sick to go to work and there's this 3 foot blue and silver bean bag snake on my bed and I'm like "Woah! When the hell did this happen!?" According to Lori, I was walking around the store singing "finger finger snake! finger finger snake! snake snake penis!" then I fell asleep on the couch, she woke me up, I bought the snake and she took me home. Who knew...

Sunday, December 11, 2005

So today I'm feeding The Herp and he's on fuzzies right now and he eats one and he's lookin kinda fat and all and after he ate the little f-er bit me!!! He wanted more food!!! He was crawlin around on his paper towel and slid up to the side of my arm and halfway between my wrist and elbow decided to open his mouth and clamp down on my skin. Fortunately hes only 5 months old and his mouth is pretty weak and his teeth just feel a little jagged but nothin worthy of puncturing skin. It was funny but I told him no and got him another fuzzy. After that one he tried to eat my finger and so I got him a third fuzzy!!! But he regurgitated that one part way cos I guess he decided he was full by then. He's such a cute little baby snake but dude, if he tries that shit when he's older I'll have some nasty little teeth marks on me. I hear snake bites don't look too pretty...

Friday, December 9, 2005

AM... Like clockwork every morning. I wake up at that time. I've gone to sleep an hour or two earlier. Toss and turn for a while but at 3:31 am I wake up to see my clock. It greets me with its familiar smile. Asshole. Perhaps there's too many complicated situations keeping me up. Gavin brought in a free magazine from CVS on divorce but there was a how to handle stress article in there. Count to ten...Laugh it off...Scream...Talk about it... Seriously?? Is that how people handle stress? Counting? Laughing? Screaming? Why not say run from your problems while you're at it? We can run and deny things all we want, but the fact of the matter is, at the end of the day, when it comes down to things, the problem is still there. Until you find a way to tackle that problem, the stress will remain. Sometimes I just can't fight certain battles. I wish I could laugh off problems, but some problems are so serious they're not funny. They're not screamable. And counting to 1000 even doesn't get the job done. 3:31 am. I'll see you then my friend.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

As stated earlier my fish passed away last week (R.I.P. Nippy & Nubby.) Anyway I gave my tank and all my fish furniture and fish paraphanellia away. Much to my disappointment I find out that the new fish residents died the morning after they moved in! Rumor has it the tank is haunted by the spirits of Nippy and Nubby who do not want any other fish living in the tank. *snort*

Friday, November 25, 2005

Friday was a cool day. Stopped by the office for a little bit cos I was bored at home and needed to send a few files over. Then I met up w/ Nicki while she was down. We went on a chunty bike ride and sassed Lori at work. Then we ate pie and ice cream and watched Harry POtter cos we're nerds. Yay! Then Lori got off work and we took Nicki home and she took me to go out w/ her boys. We had pizza and beer at Robbie Mac's and then went to Jeffs where we drank some more and played pool. I met the bearded dragon, Little Casper, or Beardie as I have named him, and it was love at first sight! We bonded and like a nut I held him all night in between drinking. Good times good times... those people make me feel young again :)

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Almost 1 and I'm still up. Why? Why is it like this? Why do I find myself getting between 3 - 6 hours of sleep if you wanna call it that, each night? Why do I go to bed so late? Why do I sit awake for hours waiting to sleep? Attempting to sleep? Thinking about all the "what if's" and "what not's" of the days past, present, and future. Thinking about what ifs too much. Way too much. Plotting out ways to maximize my time and space. Ways to make things run smoothly. Maybe dying my hair a shade darker of red? Debating whether taking off before and after Thanksgiving is really a good idea? Maybe I don't have that much time? I should have thought that over earlier.

First off they're the most productive hours of my day. I get everything done at night. I don't do things during the day for various reasons:

Reason 1. Everyone does things during the day.Reason 2. You never have to worry about waiting.Reason 3. You don't have to worry about people getting in your way.Reason 4. You don't have to worry about people complaining that you're doing something wrong or that you're going to break something because what they don't see won't hurt them and why not let them think they broke or screwed something up, right?

I become obsessed with lists at night. Lists are so awesome. I love the organization of numerical structure of processes. Wow. Lists.

After the matters of productivity are done, I usually call it quits between midnight and 2 am. I set the alarm clock. I go in bed. I think about what if's and what not's. I just think and think and think. Even in attempts at rest, I still think. I can't stop processing thoughts!

In my dreams I'm haunted by massive maze-like homes or communities. Always the same things. Walk into a room, walk into darkness, a dimly lit area, a doorway into another room into a hall into another room into a room I am not allowed into and pass by. There's always a room I am forbidden to go into no matter what house it is. Always different houses, always different rooms, always the one that's OFF LIMITS. And my intentions are to try and figure out how I can see these "off limits" areas. I long to explore that which is forbidden to me even though I am told not to or feel like I shouldn't.

Common themes: turbulent waves crashing upon beaches threatening to drown or wash out to sea. Floods with similar threats. Always a messy room to hide in from the waters. The riot of people attempting to burn everyone alive because we are not on their side. The man in the desert who stands like a scarecrow in a field in his dark green riding jacket and cold vacant eyes who whispers things and I hear them and it is always his voice I hear even when he is not around in dreams. I can talk to him through my thoughts but our conversations are slightly jumbled. He speaks quickly and repetatively on top of his words, so it is hard to understand what he says. Snakes. At least once a week a snake. Ghosts. Never any evil ghosts, but ghosts of people who have suffered because of others. Suffering in silence their memories remain in dreams of a stranger.

All these things that keep me awake in the night in between the several glances at the alarm clock and then when i do fall asleep i wake up in a cold sweat trying to remember, Did I set the alarm? Check and mate. back to bed. some few minutes later Wait did I just dream that I checked that? better check again. yea it's cool.

Then that minute when your body is so tired but your brain is running a million miles a minute and your body shuts down into sleep mode before your brain and you can feel your body slowing down and shutting down and your heart beats suddenly out of fear that you are awake to feel yourself dying. Your breathing becomes slow almost to a point of stopping. Your heart does the same. But your brain comprehends awake time and is wondering why the body is going into down time. Granted this is a thought of someone who was aware of their body swelling up to the point of near asphyxiation a mere 3 years ago so thoughts of death plague my mind frequently. This is why we are not friends with Reglan, see?

And joy its so cold I shivver in my room no matter how many layers of clothes I have but I can feel my body aching and no matter what I do there's no point in trying to sleep yet. It just won't happen.

Granted, you see me, I am awake. I am existing. I am probably having somewhere between 3 and 6 hours of sleep depending if its a good night or not. My eyes carry a lot of luggage but I do not care because there are worse things in the world than your appearance. I am being consumed...

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Yawn. So I'm sitting here thinking about things that are wrong or weird with me and I'm compiling a list: I can't sleep in a bed that isn't fixed. I will fix a bed and then sleep in it no matter how late it is or how drunk I am, I just do it. Otherwise I cannot sleep properly. I feel obligated to tell dreams to people if they're in them. I feel like by NOT telling them what happens in the dream, I'm somehow betraying them. What the hell is that all about!? Closet weirdness: All hangers on racks must have the open ends facing to the left for easy right-handed removal. All unoccupied hangers must be removed from their previous locations and stored on the unoccupied hanger rack. Hanging items on the right side of the closet go from right to left : formal gowns/dresses, costumes, winter jackets, casual pants, work pants, skirts, dresses, robes. If anything is placed back in an impropper order I freak out. Socks and underwear are always the first thing to be folded. I separate laundry by tops and bottoms, not lights and darks. I always use less milk and more margarine when I make maccaroni and cheese. I really like the spirals and I call it maccaroni and squiggles. I often have fantasies of running away and leaving my entire life behind me to go to far-off places and start a new life there as a different person with no past just a future. I settle frequently. I keep keys even though they don't have locks to go into anymore. Sometimes I need a hug. Sometimes people need hugs. Either way I love to give and receive a good hug. on that.. I love comfortable people. I hate when you hug someone and they're all boney and it feels like their bones are stabbing you. Or like you feel like you just got a bruise from their bone poking you... I may go to sleep a t a normal time tonight.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Friday I have Javi take me to get Jeepie from maintenance. They didn't finish him on time and I leave around 6 pm California time. I enjoy my drive, seeing a funny sign in the 909 that looks like the yellow signs in San Diego of the border crossing family but it says above it CAUTIONIZZLE and below something about the number one morning show bla bla bla 96.something. I laughed my ass off!!! Then I made a stop off in Beaumont at Baker's for a snack and a pee. There's this gnarly bloody vomit in the toilet and I take a pic and send it to some people. Then it's back to the road for a drive where I stop off in Blythe for gas. Lo and behold I am presented by the same bloody vomit in a toilet 2 hours away! Amazing! Some 2 hours later and now around 1 am Arizona time, I get to Phoenix.

After driving around lost for another 15 or 20 minutes I find my hotel. Here's why I hate NASCAR: when I go to check in I am informed my room is not available. I question why and the girl has a blank face and then get this genius idea of telling me she shows me as being booked for the next weekend. I get grumpy and inform her I called Thursday to confirm my stay and they said it was booked, etc. She tells me I can have someone else's room if they don't show up by 2 am. I think, "Hmm... sounds like they did this to ME so some white trash NASCAR fan from Blythe can get a room and they probably charged them double for it!" So I go to another hotel.

I finally did find a place that charged me nearly $300 to stay 2 nights!!! I only had a couple of bucks to my name for the weekend and half of that was going to be used on gas to get back home!!!

But all was good. I took a shower and braided my hair and flipped the channels for a few hours before going to bed around 4 am Arizona time. 5 hours of half-assed sleep later I decided to start my day and head out to the Superstition Mountains.

I then have a moment of anger: all my directions are from my old hotel. Fortunately I'm staying right off the 10 so I call the place and get directions and all is good. I stop off at the Superstition Mountain museum first and parooze. They had some cool old artifacts and stories. I asked if I could hike around the mountains and the guy says I would be better off going down to the Superstition Mountain national park 3 miles down. Joy! So I head out and lo and behold 1 mile before the park EUREKA! GOLDFIELD GHOST TOWN!

That's right, leave it to me to intentionally or unintentinally find a ghost town in a desert! I spent a few hours at Goldfield walking around. Went on a horse ride in the desert on Skipper, a nice big brown horse who liked stopping to pee, poop, and eat random desert foliage. I went on their mine tour which was kinda sad cos it wasn't the original Mammoth Goldmine, but a replica. Apparently the original Mammoth Goldmine is now hidden under a lake, but there's still gold in there. Talk about a scuba adventure!!! Then I went to their reptile exhibit and the guy let me hold the kingsnake there and we were talking snakes and I told him about The Herp and asked about how he cared for the rattlers and it was just nice.

Anyway, around 3 I decided to call it quits at Goldfield and go back onto my original destination of the Superstition Mountains. I park, and hike. Alone. I should have brought my flashlight but that didn't occur to me when I left. After I reached as high as I could get in my heeled cowboy boots (another bad idea), I enjoyed the scenery for half an hour and decided to trek back down. Ok, like I said, hiking in heeled cowboy boots is VERY bad. I can't even tell you how many times I was scared shitless I could fall off the side of the mountain if I would slip or something. But I made it down ok. Then a new problem came up: I had to get back to my car. I had to trek through maybe a mile of desert to get from the parking spot to the car, and there was no real trail on my path. I tried to recognise cactus to find my way but that wasn't very effective. I wound up lost in a vast flat land and I was losing daylight quickly. I had 15 minutes to find my car before the sun was gone and all the weird night creatures of the desert would come out. This means possibilities of mountain lions, bobcats, coyotes *and not those little coyotes we got out here, they got some BIG coyotes!* and maybe a rattler. Fortunately, I see some teenagers dickin around and think: people=trail. I run to them only to find no trail. I start walking around frantically until I find what looks like it may be a possibility. I question it because it takes me farther out into the desert but I go anyway. Gut instinct. Fortunately it did lead me back to my car and never have I ever been happier to see my car then I was at that moment.

My feet were shot from sweating and socks and friction so there's a bunch of blisters on me but that's fine. I stopped off at this bunk little gas station where the pay and pump was on the honor system. They also had the rudest employees there. But it's cool cos I got like $8 of free gas! After that I headed back to my hotel whilst singing along to Van Halen and drink Dr Pepper and chompin on Flaming Hot Cheetos (yea funny ha!) Took a shower and met up for a dinner at a overtly California-esque seafood restaurant. The food was good, but I prefer southwest food when I'm in the southwest... After dinner I caught some Monty Python and called it a night.

Sunday morning I wake, pack, and head out to Mystery Castle. I was sort of let down there. I was hoping for more and the ability to walk around all 18 rooms but we only really got to go into 10 of them. But I do admire the story of it. It's a story of sadness and totally sounds like something I would do: a guy found out he had TB and was terminally ill so he leaves his wife and daughter and builds this 18 room castle in the middle of Arizonza. Before dying of cancer he writes a letter to his daughter, who has hasn't seen since he left, nor contacted, and tells her she is going to inherit his castle. This comes to a suprise to the girl who thinks her father has abandoned her and left the family with nothing. In the purgatory room under a trap door he has hidden for her 2 $500 bills, photos of him, and some gold (there was some sort of deal with the government when he got the land about it being over a mining area and he patented the land or something so he owns all that and I'm not too sure that part of the information was kinda foggy.) Anyway, he never did die of TB, but cancer. His daughter now lives there. I met her. She's really old. Now she lets people do tours of the place. She used to do weddings in the altar room and the tradition was that anyone who got married there had to stand between the two snakes for good luck and protection (some sort of indian tradition) and then the bride would have to leave a shoe as a sign she was married there haha. I loved the strange stories and how absolutely ahead of his time the builder was to put things like skylights, roll away beds, hide away beds, organic architecture, etc. So it is amazing the work this guy did. I'm just sad I couldn't see more and that I could only look w/ the tour guides.

After Mystery Castle, I headed back home. I stopped off in Ehrinberg (sp?) and waited nearly 15 minutes just to get gas! Got this really disgusting burger at Wendy's. Decided not to eat at Wendy's ever again and headed back to California.

Did I enjoy Arizona? Sure. Would I go back? Definately. Do I hate NASCAR? You fuckin bet I do!

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Everyone is always put in a situation they don't like at one time or another. The question presenting itself is, at what point do you stop carrying the weight of the world on your shoulder?

Do some people have the ability to point out the Simon's of the world?

I seem to always be placed in the role of carrying people's burdons. I've been told too many things by too many people. I bear more crosses than I know what to do with. I am not that strong. I cannot carry these on my own. I feel some people should carry their own crosses. But is it my place to tell them this? Or is this something they should just expect? I know in my heart what my decisions would be, but I question whether you would do the same if you were in my shoes? Perhaps what doesn't make me fall only makes me stronger? Sometimes you just can't avoid a bad situation.

There are some things in life you learn from doing things and some things you learn from contemplating things. So sitting 500 feet above where you start out you can see the world around you. To your left, civilization. To your right, opportunities. Straight ahead the land where your civilized meets your opportunist. (Read: pros and cons.) The land of opportunities seems so vast and open. There is nothing claimed and so much can be done to it. Yet civilized lands are already made up, everything exists, and is working. It may not always be the best, but it is there and it's not going away. The land where both worlds collide is a mess. It is a visual of why you cannot have both worlds existing in one place. To put matters simply: they just don't work. There's places where it looks like it works but if you seriously SERIOUSLY look at it, it DOES NOT work. In life you need to realize which side you fall upon and by sitting up there some 500 miles up, I realize I am a civilization. I may not always be content with things, but I know what is there is there and it's not going away. I like the certainties of life. I like knowing what's around corners. I don't like surprises. I'm a good person with good ethics and moral values and it's not a crime. Could I ever be an opportunist? Not sure. I don't think I have what it takes to live the life of not knowing whether I can succeed beyond all means or fail to no end. Fear of the unknown may keep me from opportunities. Deserts. They JUST make sense.

Sunday, November 6, 2005

The rainy season is coming to wash away our burdons we left in the deserts to rot under the sun. A clean slate will be set up for the next year. I made a teaser trip this weekend to Yermo and a quickie before Mojave. There will be the "real" trip in a matter of weeks.

Wednesday, November 2, 2005

I had a dream last night that is different from my normal dreams of water. In the past when I have a water dream it is always of tension and a fear of the waters engulfing you. This time it was different. It wasn't a torrential ocean or a murky lake, but a clear lagoon. It was beautiful. I was not hurt. It was perfect. There was this lagoon and I jumped into the water head first without being able to see in there at first. Then when I was in, there were things around me, jellyfish, sharks, but they did not hurt me. They didn't want to. They did their thing and I did mine. We coexisted. I swam out into the depths of the waters away from the shore and back again. When I got out I walked along the coastlines of houses. There was a continuation of the lagoon on the other side of the houses with little piers leading into the water. The water touched the tips of some of the piers making my feet wet, but it was nice. The water was a crystal clear blue. There was a calico bass below. I called over my sister to see "her friend" the fish. It was all perfect and wonderful. She was hanging over the side and had her leg bit by a nurse shark. It struk me as odd but I knew it was an accident. Even as her blood dripped into the water and she climbed back up, it was still perfect and calm. Then we decided we would fish for the sharks. I threw out my line. Others threw their lines out as well. One got a bite and reeled in and I cast out towards the direction he casted. Sure enough I got a bite too! I reeled in and our lines got tangled. He lost his fish but mine was still there. It felt so heavy like it would be a gigantic shark, but I brought to the surface a weird fish that looked almost like an eel. It was heavy, but not really. There was also a sloppy room in a house. I don't recall much of that house, other than leaving it to go back to the waters. In the past, I have always retreated to the indoors of creepy houses for fear of waters outside. I now have control. I no longer fear what's in front of me.

Monday, October 24, 2005

October seems to be the Magical Month of occupations for me. October 31, 2002, I started my job down at Sport Chalet, at that time still Bassco. Yes, I started on Halloween. October 29, 2005 will be the date I start on the floor at the Long Beach Aquarium of the Pacific. Hmm... 2 days before Halloween. Is there something to be said about this????

Last night Lori and I were going to take Fatima to Springbok per her request for her belated birthday. We get there and it's totally ghetto. It was like if we went to the Woodsman ..2 or something! So we bail. INstead we go to Ralphs and get some booze and pasta fixin's and go to Jeff (Lori's ex) and Brian's place. I open a bottle of wine and engage in a game of pool w/ Fatima. Then Peter comes over and there's all these massively bizarre conversations going. I finish the bottle of wine. Fatima is talkin shit about how she wants to be a nurse but cant cos certain groups steal those jobs haha. It was funny. Later I go to the bathroom and resurrect my wine in toilet and rest on the soft carpet. Mmm carpet. Lori comes in and is like "um.... ok" and a little while after I get everything out of my system I go outside and crash on Jeff's bed where I engage ina fart and he gets mad hahah! Then Lori wakes me up at 2 to go home cos Fatima's mom isfreaked out and calling her cos shes nto home yet. I go home and put on pajamas and wake up around noon avoiding my hangover this morning. Hooray!!! It's like the year 2000 resurrected!!! Fun weekend. Pizza on Friday wooh!

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Friday, October 14, 2005

Tonight was a gas! Starts with a dinner date with Debbie at the Mercado and ends at a house I will not disclose the belongings to as the owner was having someone, that being Raena, house sit for them... in a matter of speaking... She asks me over under the pretense she's having margaritas by the pool with friends and I figure it won't hurt to go over for an hour. Well, around I guess she said 2 bottles of wine later, Raena disappears, most likely to sleep somewhere. So this could be a totally prime awkward situation being left alone with friends of a friend at a strangers house, right? Total opposite. A rather ineteresting discussion arises and takes place for a good part of the rest of the night on serial killers and trying to figure out why people do the things they do in murders, etc. Yeah. Best Friday night discussion I have had in a LONG time. I'm glad Raena knows other people who take fascination in things of the sort as 1. they're interesting subjects, and 2. they don't make you feel weird for being interested. Isn't it odd how something so disturbing worked as a common bond for the night? So Debbie, while she was the dinner hero of the night, Raena was the hero for inviting me over to take part in her hang out with friends leading to the amusing conversation. Kudos to everyone! Happy Friday!

Friday, September 23, 2005

Thursday night I decided I had to wax/reshape my eyebrows. Ok, granted margaritas and waxing don't mix well, I managed to remove a LARGE chunk of hair that should NOT be removed. So in order to fix that, I am now rocking chola-brows. Today after work I decided to lop off most of my hair for the fall. I went in like 20 or 30 minutes before closing and I had a coupon for a $6 haircut. I thought I gave the chick a $10 and was like "Keep the change." and she was REALLY happy. I was like, "um... ok... its just a $4 tip can't be THAT happy." Then I get to my car and realize I gave her a $20 and was like "great. paid $6 for the hair but she gets a $14 tip." so i was like, "well, she did a cute job and considering she took me right before they closed, yea that's cool. whatever. so im now short $10, no taco bell next week. whatever." at that, i decided i MUST have good hair karma in line for me. SURE AS SHIT I DO!!!!!!!!! I decided to go red again and lori did it for me and its totally even and great! yay good hair karma. and fyi, i managed to avoid the choloabrow look completely by filling in the blank areas w/ brown eyeshadow just a shade lighter than my brows and an angle brush. so its filled in but looks softer. ok yay. thats my tard moment. time to rinse.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

So today between getting my hands mauled by Mozart, I was watching the Discovery Channel. Mytbusters was on and they were trying to freeze beer. Haha. Um, ok. I learned about how salt in ice water melts the ice thus making the water temperature colder and that it only takes 5 minutes to get beer at an optium temperature of 38 degrees. Fascinating. THen I spent the next hour and a half watching some reality show on Alaskan crab fishermen because I'm a total bore and I was soooo into it. It almost makes me want to invest in cable... hmmm...

Thursday, September 8, 2005

And why? Not because I already do, but because I love them so much I am now going to donate a day out of my weekend to helping others love them! Yay! I just got accepted to work in the education department at the Long Beach Aquarium of the Pacific! WOo hoO! Hopefully I can get into husbandry...

Wednesday, September 7, 2005

Tonight when I was feeding Mozart, he was all loving and rubbing my legs. I put his food down and he decides it's an appropriate time after I walk away from his dish to engage in full on assault of my legs, snagging my nylons before I had the interview at the aquarium. Great. So on top of it all, its not like I can just take them off because I didn't shave and I look like f'n bigfoot. Guh. I fear he will tear me to pieces!!!

Sunday, August 21, 2005

So I've finally started reading the HP books and I have found the following errors:

HP2 typo- There's a comment about Percy and it says Perry.

HP2 timeline flaw- Say Voldemort is the most feared wizzard for the last 100 years when Voldy was 16 at the time the chamber was opened which was some 50 years ago, technically meaning he should be the most feared when he became evil... which was NOT 100 years...

HP3 punctuation error - Lupin speaks of the Whomping Willow being planted there when he started Hogwarts and there is never a closing set of quoation marks, implying the following paragraph is a continuation of his dialogue, when the next paragraph of dialogue is clearly from Harry.

I guess this is what happens when adults read kids books :( Whatever, JKR is still a genius in my mind :)

Sunday, August 7, 2005

Saturday Katrina and I went to the beach. I went snorkeling like an a-hole as usual, but to my delight there were 3 other snorkelers at the cove. Yay! Anyway, there were NO waves it was the best! The water was pseudo clear with probably only 10 ft. visibility but better than none. I was putzing parallel to the shoreline when I got to this rocky little area and then past it was a little bit of sea weed growing from the floor and I noticed something sucking stuff from the floor. I thought it was some sort of a rock fish like a light colored sculpin or something but then I realized it was a little sand shark! Soon enough, a train of 3 others swam by! I tried to follow them but I lost them when a pile of sand got kicked up by the current. So I swam down toward the pier and after the sand settled I found myself surrounded by a HUGE school of what looked like baby anchovies, literally the size of half my pinkie! They were bumping into me but I soon enough lost them in the current as well. As I neared the pier I saw what looked like a little halibut, probably no larger than 8", but I got creeped out by the kelp growth and turned around. I went back to the sand shark area again and much to my delight they were still there! Yay times 2! I followed them around their course of sucking the sand and making figure 8's along the ocean floor. Then I got too cold and had to get out. I spent too long in the water and felt like all the salt had been absorbed into my skin. Katrina and I then ate at the Paradise Cove Cafe. Afterwards she dropped me off at Matt's where I left my car the night before. I felt really sick from all the sun and salt water and I took a shower and went to bed. Matt then woke me up around 10:40 or so and asked me about if I was gonna go to Fatima's party still. I felt like I was gonna barf and drank like 5 glasses of water and still felt like I was gonna barf. I called Fatima and told her I couldn't make it so we're gonna do Springbok or something soon. Matt said he'd be designated driver so long as he can take drunk hussy pics... so that's cool... I guess. I felt bad though because you only turn 21 once :( Fatima sounded pretty composed though so that's cool. Anyway we'll do something soon.

Thursday, August 4, 2005

MMmmmmm today I saw Hottie ENT for the final time :( boo. However I asked him about the machine and he remembered my desire to see it and my anal detailed accounts of the recovery of my procedure. He asked for my email address and said he would be doing some opperations on some kids in the next two weeks or so and would take pictures and email them to me. Of which he followed up saying if he forgets to call him and he'll send them. So Hottie ENT bid me farewell and said to come back if I had any more problems. Sigh... one could only hope for my tonsils to grow back... ok, maybe not cos that straight up HURT but I'd do it again for another dose of Hottie ENT and more vicodine. ;)

Friday, July 29, 2005

Ok so The Herp has this thing where he likes to poop on people, particularly me since I hold him a lot. However, he seems to only like to poop on me when I wear white. It's like he knows how it will show up more or something. Anyway, I took some beauty shots of my little guy tonight :) I've had him for 3 weeks already and he's grown at least an inch that I can measure. Here he is in all his snakely glory:

Friday, July 22, 2005

Due to the fact no one can pronounce my snakes name, I call him THE HERP for short (short for the long scientific name for snakes). SO yea, I guess his new name is officially THE HERP. Sorry Vince. I know you liked the other name more and JEremy, our pets need to be friends, you know?

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Thursday, June 23, 2005

So today I went to the ENT for post-op and I was just shootin the shit and told him about how I took all these pics of recovery and he was fascinated with this and asked to see them and I was like sure! I gave him my website url and he said he was gonna check them out. Anyway he put me back on sterroids because I still have a lot of inflamation (didn't know that...) and he gave me some tylenol with codine for the pain. Then he did a deep ear cleaning with this suction tool. That was very bizarro. I had to lay down on this table and he sucked wax out. After I was like, "Wow, I never had anyone suck anything out of my ears before." I'm sure that sounded wrong but it was a funny comment heh. After that he was gonna show me the operating tools they used cos I told him how sad I was to not get to see them but they were in repair somewhere. Anyway, I getta go back in August to see him again for another check up. But right, why am I an asshole? So I gave him my website addy to see my tonsil pics and I realized, "Oh crap. It says I have a hot doctor." So I'm assuming August will be weird... har har.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Today is officially 2 weeks since the operation... and now I'm bleeding like a rabid dog!!!

All week I've been spitting out chunks of the white things that formed. Friday I had a piece that didn't want to come out so it made me barf due to gag reflexes. Anyway, I had to go to the doctors after work and they removed the piece. I was fine after.

Today!!! Gah!!! I went to go pee and I was gonna spit before I went and I have totally blood red spit!!! I look at my throat and I have this HUGE bloody spot. I'm not sure what that's all about but it's f'n RAD!!! Made for some super cool pictures!! I soo want to share to gross you guys all out because it's totally gorey cool!

I'm not sure how I feel on the issue of swallowing my blood. I taste kinda like porter house... so in that case, I guess if were a cannibal, I'd eat me cos I'd make a good steak ahahha!!!

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Last night was late and I didn't feel like doing an in depth type-a-thon. Friday I got a hair up my ass to go to a ghost town as 1. I had money to go out there, and 2. its something I've been wanting to do for a long time. I was gonna go with some coworkers and friends but everyone was busy. Regardless, I was going. Calico is a tourist spot, ergo, its safe. I would never go somewhere alone if I didn't feel like it would be safe, and honestly, if I got there and it looked unsafe, you bet your boots I'd turn back around and go home. But that wasn't the case. I got there 10 minutes before the shops closed. I got there in time to buy tickets to the ghost walk, which I learned about on Friday. Unlike New Mexico, this one was rain or shine and the guides showed up. It was a measely $10. Before the tour, I wandered around the backstreets of Calico (I say this because I was literally walking behind the buildings in search of the "other" side of the town.) Took some pictures here and there. Had a weird moment: I was walking from the mines to the school house. You need to cross a bridge to get there. I started to walk slowly across the bridge, holding on to the wooden rails and making sure foot for foot I was directly over the center of the planks, testing my footing with each step. Halfway over I paused. Some people would call it a hunch, others say its how ghosts contact you but I got this VERY strong sense of danger and something was telling me do NOT go on and to GO BACK. I didn't question it at all. I just figured it was me being a worry wart because the bridge looked rickety. Later on at night during the ghost walk, we went back to the school house. I saw the guide crossing the bridge and figured, if it holds him up, it'll hold me up. So I crossed, and being in the dark hid the bottom of the pit below, easing my fears. However, I still had this weird feeling of being sick to my stomach, almost wanting to vomit. I thought this was just in tune with a reflection of my feeling of the bridge from earlier in the day. Now on the other side of the bridge, we learned of the ghosts of the school house and of 3 ghosts that haunt the bridge, one of those 3 was also a girl who haunted the school house. She died from falling and had some sort of head trauma. She contacted people by making them feel mild symptoms of concussions (nausea, headaches, etc.) I'm going to make a very blatant assumption and say I feel as if I were contacted by this girl on both my trips on the bridge. Maybe I wasn't but the feelings were a little too strange and coincidental to be false. The other incident occured near one of the back street locations I was exploring earlier. The guide talked about how he saw a squating indian before by a lamp post. While he was speaking I saw a line of shadow figures walking into the mine up on the hill. I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me and I squinted to get a better look but they were gone. Soon enough my eyes wandered again to a fence and a building. For some reason I couldn't stop looking over there. Then, out of nowhere a little grey light appeared up near a door and shot out 3 or 5 feet with a grey tail, much like a shooting star, and then it disappeared. I thought it might have been a cricket, or a firefly or something. Then a few seconds later, I saw another little grey ligth appear and shot out back towards the original location of the first light. Then it also disappeared into thin air. I still thought it was some sort of bug. A few seconds later, I saw three of those same lights shooting up one after the other and disappear. It was weird. In the past, my only experiences with ghosts were either through dreams, feelings, or shadow people or stick men. I asked the guide about if there were fireflys or crickets in the area and told him about what I saw, and he explained those were a form of rods (ghosts that appear as forms of shooting lights w/ tails, opposed to orb ghosts that appear as singular moving lights w/o tails.) It was a VERY odd night. I had two visual encounters and 2 feelings. And it's weird because I can't smell but in certain places in town it kinda reeked of tobacco (which I can smell smoke when it's very potent because it kinda chokes me.) I felt VERY privelaged to have had contact as no one else in the group did. The guide too us to certain places because he had good feelings about the activity of those areas. I was talking to him for a little while after the tour about the ghosts and ghosts in general. I came to a strange assumption of why things happened the way they did: 1. I have very positive energy. I am very welcoming of spirits. I treat them as I would treat any other person. I also have a lot of respect for the dead. I do not believe in disturbing them or doing anything to anger them. 2. I have a lot of energy from products around me. I had a cell phone turned on that was freshly charged as well as a digital camera. These things fuel those little guys. 3. I was wearing a knit poncho. Guess what. That plus wind = static electricity. More energy. 4. My apperance. I had my cowboy boots, jeans, the poncho and my hair was back in a bun. And strang and stupid as this sounds, I did my make up because I wanted to look nice in the event I did come across a spirit. Don't ask. But the thing is, I think they might have thought I was a Mexican lady from their time period because of the knit poncho, boots, and pulled back dark hair. With all that aside, they may have felt as if there was a source for them to conduct themselves as well as a welcoming person of their time around them. My guess is if there were a more optomistic crowd they might have materialized better/more so. Anyway, I'm glad no one went with me because I don't think I would have gone on the ghost walk because most people I know would either not have the money, not be interested, be scared, or not believe and cause negative energy. It was worth the 3 hour drive down / 2 hour drive back with the joys of cruise control to experience this. However it saddens me that these spirits are stuck to wander the earth for eternity. I was told that regardless of their homes being there or not, the ghosts see things as they were in their time. Strange. Hopefully they are happy. I look forward to visiting them again. The End.

Friday I had to go to urgent care because my tonsil particles on the right tonsil got all torn up and wouldn't come off, resulting in me gagging and spending the last hour at work on and off barfing. I couldn't do anything without feeling like I was gonna barf. I knew I couldn't deal with this for a few more hours, let alone another day or two. So I had the urgent care doctor pick the pieces off. It didn't hurt or anything. It was a relief. After that I noticed there were only a few sprecks of white left. And now today I don't even see any white in there. Dr. Hottie will probably be very pleased with the great job he did. I wanna hug him! He made me so happy! I'm glad my little guys are all squared away. But the post op visit is Thursday so he'll say "yes this is all good" or something else, but my guess is it's all good. Only down side is they're still healing and I do feel pain there still and it does shoot to the ears. Pressure makes it go away.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Would you believe me if I said I drove 3 hours out to go on a ghost walk tonight? Of course you would! I saw some ghosts tonight that looked like little grey rods shooting out of thin air and then disappearing into it. It was mucho funo. I'm soo going back!

Thursday, June 9, 2005

Today I thought I'd make a half-assed attempt at exorcise. I haven't done anything other than lay in bed for 3 days straight with the exception of a trip to the bank, grocery store, and work, all of which seemed to take a toll on me. So I got out my mom's weights since they're lighter. All I could do were two measely little sets of 15 shoulder pressess and bicep curls. Then I did two little stair stepper exercises. One mini ab-session. Then my dog made me take her for a walk. By that time I was like, "Yea we're not ready for this yet." So future plans are shower, get clothes out of dryer, take a vicodine and go back to sleep. So much for physical activities. Maybe tomorrow... or Saturday... we'll see...

Tuesday, June 7, 2005

Last night was strange. I wasn't aware of how fast this procedure makes my body lose liquids. I just recall 3 occasions at night where my mouth became dry and my bubbly salavia dried on my tonsils and I woke up with these horrible coughing spells like I was choking due to gag relfexes. But a simple swish of water to moisten things up, and a spit, fixed that. I had a little bit of tonsilage come out last night. I can't really sleep because when I can sleep my mouth dries up, or when I do sleep my snoring wakes me up so it's loose-loose there. I feel super awake, which strikes me as odd, but oh well. I can't decide if I'm hungry or not either. My body is confused. I think it says hungry but really means thirsty.

AND OH MY GOD!!! The sterroids I'm on are making my crotch itch again!!! DAmmit!!! They gave me some in the hospital that made me get gnarly itching for like 30 seconds and then it stopped. This stuff just did the same damn thing but it took longer to kick in! Wild!

Monday, June 6, 2005

This was taken 10 hours after surgery like after Kraftwerk. Notice theres more food stuff from WAY deep down oozing out? Also some of those white spots are starting to dye and turn black like the other side with the dead tissue. All stuff I've been hacking up at random... fun! So I can move around and basically function sans eating solid foods and speak 100 ut I was able to get a ride to Kraftwerk. It was great. I was coming down from the morphine I was given a few hours earlier and hopped up on 2 previous doses of vicodine plus the dose I took there. Ergo, I crashed 3/4 through the set. At one point I was leaning up against my people and fell, to which my health status was questioned. I mumbled something something about being ok. I mean, I could still hear them so I wanted to be there! After that I got really pissed because my ride wanted dinner and said they'd go where they have soup so I could eat too. So they goes to Tommy's, which I had got mad at Javier for going to last week and not informing me of since I haven't had it in MONTHS! I was about to cry. Literally. I wanted it soooo badly. I just saw their dripping chili and cheese oozing out of their burger and fries. Yea I'm sad.

On the plus side, my tonsils have more tissue dying and falling off. I was coughing most of it up at Kraftwerk into one of my people's ex-beer. I took another picture and I'm just shocked as to how much food is coming out of my dead tonsils still. Even more shocked as to how deep that shit went. Seriously those radiowaves just zapped all that stuff out. Like when prisoners get the electric chair and their eyes bust out and they foam at the mouth and shit, thats what happened to my food particles. And I mean there are a LOT of them in there. The one side that's all white is food trying to come out of my tonsils but it can't because theres no exits there and they need to wait to go out of one of the small holes they went in from.

I'm excited about like 2 weeks from now when I don't have bad breath anymore from shit dying in my throat. I'm so happy and in so much pain you guys are so clueless! This is the best thing to happen to date!

Today was the day. I had a Radiofrequency Tonsillectomy. What happens is they put thesemetal rods in my throat and let out radio waves at different levels depending on the size of my tonsils. I was put under completely and apparently had a tube in my throat, causing my gassiness and coughing now I'm guessing? Anyway, everything went over very well and I was totally coherent afterwards. Surgery was at 11 and I was let out 1 or 2, I forgot. Anyway, the tonsils are not removed. They shrink them. So right now they look worse than yesterday, but only because they've been zapped for about an hour or so in different locations. The large darker spots on my throat are where the rods were. There was even one they did at the base side of my tongue but you can't see that one. Anyway, I feel fine, I snore really loud but that will go away. I can do stuff but I can't drive, so it's all good. I've been helping out here and there with a few little work things that are being emailed back and forth. So yay. I'm happy. Finally done I'll post pics here and there as to the progress of the tonsils.

Sunday, June 5, 2005

Tomorrow the tonsils go bye bye. 23 years. Turns out I have... er had... chronic tonsillitis. One gland infection later and food gunk getting stuck in them and just about every little thing I've delt with the past 23 years and finally! I can't wait!

Thursday, June 2, 2005

Monday my tonsils get destroyed. Hooray! Die bastards die die! The procedure is simple: they're gonna stick metal rods into my tonsils and let out electric waves that will singe my tonsils. Sounds high tech huh? It is. I was dubbed "a perfect candidate" for the procedure. Great. Now I get vicodin. I'm not sharing either. I'll actually need it as it will be painful. Hooray pain! PS I liked watching them steal blood from me. POKE!

Sunday, May 22, 2005

so after a year away from the pier i talked matt into going today under the pretense he didn't hafta go to kareoke with me last night. so we go there and everyone is catching those shovelnose guitar fish, or as matt calls them, trash sharks. then it gets slow. there's a bunch of mackeral schools swimming around but they're not biting. i was lucky to get one and i let matt use it hoping he'll get something bigger but that mackeral was too big, if you ask me... anyway some guy catches a smaller mackeral and gives it to matt, who then gives me the big mackeral to cut up because something bit it's tail and it's now useless as live bait. so i cut the guy up and throw him out on my line. out of nowhere around 5 pm people start bringing up sand sharks left and right! it's crazy, one person would get one, then another, then another. i was wondering why they all were getting sharks and not me and then i get my shark! all the time i've fished that pier and never caught anything worthy i finally get a sand shark! and it doesn't stop there, i got 3 today. it was rad. they were all between 2 and 3 feet in length i'd guess. i doubt it'll be this good again, but who knows. maybe it was the lucky pink rod. maybe it was the weather. either way, i got my long awaited fishing fix. the end.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Tomorrow I will officially release Little Truck unto my father for his care and safe keeping. I've had 3 years of my life in that car and so many memories and trips through the canyon and everywhere in between. I remember the first month I got him, the troubles! $500 on some weird belt after he broke down on the way home from Dodger stadium. Then after that was fixed a month later, he needed a new engine and transmission. $4,000 there. Then he ran gloriously, even to this date. Our road trips included several trips to and from Malibu and Cal Arts, a trip to Santa Barbara, a few scattered trips to Ventura and Oxnard, random trips to Fillmore and Piru, Ojai, Beaumont, and Visalia. The thing is, he was dependable and a good companion. I spent every minute in that car singing along to the radio or cds, or mixes I would make with driving in mind. Today I missed Little Truck. But I will know that he will always be a part of my life. LT, I love ya man!

Sunday, May 15, 2005

So after 3 glorious years and a lot of money invested, not to mention a strange event from last night, I decided to look at new cars more. Luck had it that I came home with one today. Rah. So kids, this is JEEPIE!!! the little Jeep.

Saturday, May 7, 2005

Friday, May 6, 2005

Wednesday morning I wake up with this lumpy under my right ear. I think I either slept funny and cut off some blood or something, or maybe cramped something at the gym the night before and figure it'll pass. Thursday I wake up and the lump is bigger. Ok, I'll make a doctors appointment. It's for Friday morning. Friday I wake up and its really big and really painful. I go in and the doctor knows right away what it is. He gives me a perscription and says it might be good for me to just get some rest if it hurts and eat sour candies to make the swelling go down. Yea turns out I have an impacted salvatory gland. How does this happen you ask? Well something causes a blockage in the gland, thus causing all the saliva produced to stay inside, explaining why it's bigger in the mornings when I produce saliva at night and it goes down during the day when I chew and my mouth moves and it kinda forces some of the impacted saliva out. Problems: its impacted liquid. Liquid that should come out. That builds up and is near my brain and ear. THere can be damage to the ear if it bursts, etc. So I need to take medication to reduce the swelling and get rid of the blockage. How does this block up? That's a good question. I mentioned my tonsil boogers I get and the doctor said that's probable as this glands outlets are near my tonsils. So I have to go to an ENT. He didn't hafta worry about stuff since I told him I was approved to see one earlier and had delayed the appontment because I couldnt find the papers. So yea, stupid gland. Saliva is retarded. Especially when it makes my cheek look all puffy. Gaaahd!

Monday, May 2, 2005

So I took my dad fishing at Lake Piru on Sunday... bad. We rented a boat and I gotta drive because thats what I love to do! But the boat was so shitty! It wouldn't start and I kept pulling the thing to start it and it wouldn't start. So finally I asked my dad to start it for me. Now to start the boat, it needs to be in neutral at full throttle. My dad tweaked around with things before getting it to start. Full blast. Fully moving. In reverse. Into the side of the mountain. Fortunately a bush saved us from hitting too much of the mountain and there was no damage to the boat. Somehow my dad pinned this accident on me, because I was the driver of the boat. Pfttt... All I can say was, he may have tried to blame me for that one, but he could only blame himself when we returned to the dock for the day and his ass fell backwards and ate shit on the boat. Needless to speak, this isn't the first occasion when my dad's fallen in a rental boat. About a decade earlier, he fell while doing the same thing, only he fell into the water like a damned idiot. Maybe it's best we don't rent boats. Who knows. All I know is my shoulders are in pain from trying to start that stupid boat.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

I like how people try to be clever and instead just fall into traps proving what idiots they are. Heh. 1. If there is information out there, chances are someone will be able to retreive it. 2. It's amazing how you can find out the world by knowing a name or a city. 3. Google is a deadly weapon. 4. Anytime you put something on the web you welcome yourself to the evils of the world... are you ready for it? 5. There are files about you accessable on the web for minimal fees. 6. (I'll make a guess on this one, but) 1 in 10 chances are if you live in the valley, you may not know the person you're staring at, but they know a LOT about you. 7. You don't need to own a computer to have your information listed on one. 8. (Another guess on this one) 1 in 50 chances if you google your name you'll get a bunch of people in different states with the same name. 1 in 100 chances those results produce someone who died or someone involved in a crime. 9. Sites like Live Journal, Myspace, Friendster, etc. are available to the public. If you don't want the public knowing your business you shouldn't mention it. 10. With todays technology no one is safe. Your business is everybody's business.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Sunday April 24, 2005. I got a sunburn. It hurts. I'm red. This sucks. Good part: I spent the day in San Diego at H&M landing at Day at the Docks. I gotta check out the fishing boats and buy things and I even won a Rapala lure answering a triva question at a seminar because I'm cool like that! My dad straight up won a $200 rod in a raffle for the Burn Institute of San Diego. All he paid for his tickets was $5! My mom also won some stuff in the last raffle. I won this big stuffed fish thing at this spinning wheel where procedes went to saving the white sea bass. It was pretty fun and I got fishing fever. I can't wait to get out on the sea again!

Saturday, April 9, 2005

Gotta do another road trip Friday. Left around 4:30 got gas. Was on the freeway not too long. Around Bakersfield I cowplowed a tumbleweed. It was a proud moment. I called Rae Rae and told her of the tumbleweed. Then after I got off the phone I realized I was low on gas and the next stretch of land where there was a gas station I would exit. Got off in this weird area. The gas station was part gas station, part laundry mat. I went in and there was a sherif interviewing the gas attendent and her daughter. They were just robbed not too long before I got there. Then the gas station attendent had her daughter, estimated age between 7 and 9, ring up the customers, which the girl did flawlessly. Made me question the mentalities of some of the people down here who do the same thing with errors and yet a young girl does their same job with ease. Had to pee and was told to use the laundry mat. Apparently that was the most ghetto bathroom I've ever been in. The light was on but it looked like it wasn't. It was a dim lavendar glow. Very faint. There was no toilet paper roll holder. There was no toilet paper. There was no paper towels. There weren't even seat covers. I did the stand thing. I found a tissue in my pocket to wipe with. Got back to the car and headed up to Visalia. Mapquest sucks with directions. I got lost and did a loop on the freeway on the stretch of land over Visalia 2 times before I was told to take the Sequia exit. Good to know. Was told to make a right on the street of my destination. Did that. Drove for what seemed like another forever and I thought I went the wrong way but then right at the edge of town, was my destination. Visalia is weird because the town seems like it's set up in a linnear style. I guess that's a good thing because you can take one bus up and back to wherever you need to go, but still. It sucks if you're driving. I'm sure traffic sucks there sometimes. The guy I'm doing the delivery for has this van. It straight up looks like a molester van and I snickered. I think he thought I was laughing because it was old and crusty. I guess I was laughing at that too. On my way back I got a lotto ticket that didn't win. Some guy asked me how to play the lotto and I explained thinking he was some creepy perv. Then I was cleaning my windshield while pumping gas and realized this guy was with his girfriend and was seriously curious about the lotto. He said good luck with the lotto before he left and I realized, ok small town. Just a friendly person. I was heading back to the freeway when the guy I did the delivery for calls me needing to borrow a few bucks for gas. I say ok and he charges $50 in gas on my atm card! Needless to speak, I'd better get reimbursed for that. I then was a little peeved because that was gonna be money going towards bills and stuff for me and my groceries. Whatever. I was thinking, what would this guy have done if I wasn't there to bail him out? And then I questioned his logic and just people in general as to why they do stupid things and why it's so difficult for them to think. Serioulsy! What if I didn't have $50? On the way home there was this amazing lightning storm. It was so picturesque. There were two little grey clouds in the sky. Lightning bolds were streaking down towards the ground from either cloud lighting up the sky around them. Once I passed the clouds I could still see the sky light up since everything was flat around me. No mountains to hide the light. Amazing. Overall it was a nice drive. Good to get out of the valley. Got home around 12:45. I may go out there again one day for a non delivery because they have a bunch of really cool outlet stores. We'll see. I'm always up for a road trip though. Good tunes and good times!

Wednesday, April 6, 2005

I'm under the impression there needs to be a serious groupie genocide and fast. I'm going to be like Michael Moore and make up an assumed fact based on my own beliefs and say that roughly 80% of females between the ages of 14 and 25 are currently or have at one time in their life played the role of groupie girlfriend. It's massively annoying, having people say "Oh! What're you doing Friday night? I know you're gonna see my boyfriend's band!" Maybe one time would be fine. More than once if the band was actually good. But every time some suck ass wannabe rockstars play at a open mic nite type gig? Why do people think you or I want to give our hard earned dollars, be it $5 or $20, on their boyfriends? It's the same scenario: Friday rolls along, you go to the club, maybe alone or maybe with others and you meet up with your "group". You pay, get in, all stand around awkwardly while your invitee shmoozes with Mr. Band Guy and his too-cool-for-you friends who all look at you and your friends like you were coughed out of the gutter. Meanwhile, you or your friends try to socialize with the band and your friend, who obviously don't want to have anything to do with you at the time so you break off and go to a single stall bathroom and hang out saying what a bitch so and so is for inviting you and not even talking to you and how they spend more time with their boyfriend, etc. Someone knocks who actually does need the bathroom so that's your cue to leave, fortunately the groupie girlfriend's suck-ass band is up and you sit around pretending to be amused, smiling at their every "aren't they great!?" Deep down, you know they think they're shit and only confess they like them for fears of losing their cool band boyfriend if word got out they thought the band sucked. Then after they finish playing, it's back to segregation and going home, $5 short and disappointed. What is the deal with this? Why do girls do this to themselves? To their friends? Are they so desperate to be a part of the rock and roll lifestyle that they need to put up with someone who treats them like shit or cheats on them, or makes them feel second to the band, just so they can say they dated someone before they got famous? Or that if it weren't for them, they'd never be where they are at? What's the deal with girls dating guys in bands? Enlighten me! I'm not saying all of these relationships suck or are bad, I guess I'm just saying, groupies, whether they actually date someone in the band or just go to every show, are annoying. If I like a band, I'll see them. I won't pressure people into seeing a band. I won't make them feel like they're going to Hell if they don't bless me with their presence. What's worse are the ones who try to make you a groupie or part of the "fan base". You don't have the $5 cos your money goes on things like gas and important stuff. "I'll spot you!" DAMMIT!!! I don't want to borrow $5 from you to make some shitty band look good! If they suck, why should people think they're good if they have a large turn out? Reasoning like this makes me wonder if that's how Limp Bizkit ever got a record deal! Seriously! People just need to think outside the box and stop going after the pseudo rock stars and just go for normal people. I mean, everyone is kinda screwy, but you don't need the dramas of a band on top of it all, right? And if you do, at least keep your friends out of it. Like I said, we'll do it once outta courtesy, more than once if they're actually good, but make it a weekly event and that's it...

Saturday, April 2, 2005

This morning when I woke up Matt asked me, "Is everyone gonna be all freaked out at church tomorrow?" Being half awake, I questioned him. He said the Pope died. I'm not too sure how to react to that. Other than the man fulfilled his role as Pope and died. His time on earth ended and now he's off to Heaven. There were all these tv specials on him and it's weird because no one really knows much about the Pope when he got his title as 1. most of us weren't born yet, and 2. when you're young biographies of the lives of others aren't very important to you. For me I wasn't Catholic all my life so I never knew much about the Pope, but I was familiar with his face. I remember throughout my life seeing when would make appearances on new clips and him going around in his bullet proof golf cart. He made appearances often and had a sort of rock star aspect in his presence with entourages and body guards and crowds of fans. Not really what you think of when you think of Pope. That made sense today when I saw a special saying he wanted to go into acting but wound up going into religion to avoid Nazis. Seems kind of odd, but he was a man who lived through Nazism, Communism, was shot, had Parkinsons disease, and the thing that killed him: an infection and fever that started from a bladder infection. A week after Easter the Pope passed away after a week of a slow death. May he rest in peace. For anyone who grew up around Pope John Paul II, maybe you will agree, it will be weird getting used to a new Pope after familiarizing yourself with one for your entire life.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Check out my stylish pops circa 1986 in his NoHo Postal Portrait! Yup thats my dad when I was 4 years old! What's worse is one of his coworkers looks the same now as she did in this picture. And I recognize his a-hole boss and the lady who co-owned the pet store I worked at in high school.

Monday, March 7, 2005

I was driving home from the gym today and I turned on one of my random mix cd's and the song that was on was... don't laugh... seriously... Europe... The Final Countdown. It was like halfway over and I went as far as to turn it back to the beginning instead of flipping ahead to see what the next song was. Anyway by the time I got to Vanowen, I was at a red light and I though, "You know, we always laugh at the cheezy intro to this song, but this is a pretty good song!" I turned the volume up to 20... and in my car 20 is pretty loud. I felt the music. I'm sure people crossing the street heard the music. They gave me weird looks. Whatever. But wait! It gets better! So I'm rockin out to Europe and it's over! Dang! But what do we have next? Another monster hit... "HEAVEN ISN'T TOO FAR AWAAAAAYYYYY...." and I'm singing along. And I'm soo rockin out. And then it skips and is all like club mix!!! So I had to skip forward. Dang! What's next other than Bon Jovi hahahaha!!! Yea, you're all laughing, I know. But you know what? You're all jealous and I know this for a fact! You want this cool random music cd I made with all the shitty hair bands and I know it! And you know what else? I'm not too cool to lie and say I only made that cd for shits and giggles, cos I didn't! I think those are some good songs and I don't give a damn!

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Today was mega fun! We had our work softball game. It was the office people (Big-Wigs) vs. the warehouse people (Cobra Kai.) Anyway it was cool cos we lost but I did way better than I planned! I got to third base on my first hit and then I gotta run home after the next hitter. Second time at bat I struck out cos I wasn't listening to my boss hahah! Third time I was up I got to first base and then gotta run home after the next hitter got a home run! Yay! But we still lost. I was playing for Little Truck and I gave it my all. I fell on my own two feet like some kinda asshole during practice. I also got hit on the ankle by a softball during practice and I have a cute little bruise but that's cool. I crashed into the screen print boss while running home too cos I couldn't stop my feet hahah! I took pics and stuff. After the game we went to Shakeys and had pizza and hung out. It was such a fun day. Plus we have cool shirts to make us look all special ahahha!!! I specifically requested my shirt to say "JENNY 02" but my coworkers mocked the fact I poop daily between 2 and 4 and gave me the name "4PM BM". Ha! I loved it! I'm all excited still cos I have never played any sports or been on a team for anything or had anything implying a team like matching shirts or stuff for any competitive thing. I feel special! Yay! Hopefully we can do this again some time.

Friday, February 25, 2005

You are....awake at 7:43 am on a Saturday cos confession is in an hour and the softball game is in 5 hours? I want.....cake... or something chocolatey or sweet. My body is ....frumpy but that's ok cos it could be worse... The worst thing is...having bad credit. but i found out yesterday it's not as horrible as i thought it was hooray! Intelligence is....over rated. music is...some people's passion. but if you devote your life to one thing that makes you seem compulsive. so i think its better to be well rounded and love a lot of everything in smaller quantities. George W. Bush is.....not as bad as everyone makes him out to be. just remember: when he gets up he puts one pant leg on at a time. only difference is once his pants are on he can do whatever he wants cos hes the president of the United Frickin States. RAR! Cuba is.....what i think of when i think of rawl. cubanito is the other thing i think of cos thats what debbie calls him. then i think of what javi calls him : refugee or taco. then i think of lomos cos rawl said thats some sorta thing with chicken. does this make sense? Taco Bell is....more addictive than heroin. have you had that potato steak burrito?!?!?! OH MY GOD!!!! That is like black tar heroin. im hooked on that shit for LIFE! art is....what hawked me up in debt $30 grand. has it paid off? sure... sex is...not what life or relationships should be based on. too many people rate sex as the number one top thing for a relationship and i feel theres way more that should be at a higher ranking than sex... love is....only a feeeeeeling... sorry. i was listening to the darkness like 3 days ago. what ever happened to them? everyone made a big deal about them and they came and left so fast.... nah love is something you find if youre really lucky and i dont think it comes easily or to those wh o are looking for it. it just shows up one day when you least expect it and the next thing you know you have someone who wants to devote their life to making you happy and you want to devote your life to making them happy and just being around each other makes the two of you happy even if youre just goin to the vet or if youre going on a date or laying in bed on a rainy day. it doesnt matter what you're doing because you're with the person you love. awwwww. your friends are.....all freakishly good looking. i noticed the other day whilst looking at myspace that all of my friends are really good looking. i dont have a single ugly friend! part of that makes me excited cos i hang with the beautiful people ahahhahaha. so if you guys are reading this you're all hot!!! your brother/sister....can be an asshat at times your parents are....called the parental units when together. woman when not refered to as being around dad and dad for dad. they're alright. i find myself chillin with them on week nights and ditching friends to watch movies with them hahah. like i coulda gone out last weekend but instead i watched A Shark's Tale with my parents hahahaha. animals are...necessities in life. i think they're one of the things that keep me sane and regular. like the two toupees. my fish. im really proud of the fact i have this cute little aquarium. dont ask... your first sexual experience..... let me say .... you always look at.....the internet. doesnt matter where or when im on it every day. you love to eat.....like its goin outta style. its my weekness. you love to drink.. DrPepper. my one and only vice. alcohol wise cape cods. i dont think im gonna want cosmos for a while after i went to this really expensive restaurant and they made me the WORST cosmo ever. it tasted like they just poured some Nyquil in the glass and added some water. ugh. you lie....to my parents sometimes to avoid trouble but it only catches up with me hah death is...what i think about when i go to sleep to the point i sometimes cant sleep. you are scared of....death via asphyxiation, drowning, burning, anything super painful or not natural. you get happy when....i first see matt!!! you worry over...dying. you treasure...not sure yet. God is....probably mad at my wonderful lifestyle Al Pacino is ....over rated Robert DeNiro is...hot for an older guy. on a creepy note my dad reminds me of him in meet the parents. so i guess that makes my dad a pretty good lookin guy for his age. your car is...seein his last days. im lookin into another one though. i got approved for a loan yesterday through the dealership but their rates are too high so im gonna go through my credit union. huzzad!! you spend too much time....on the internet. myspace is...not that great. drugs are.....bad unless they're perscribed to you but i've had cases where those ones hav ebeen bad too... you are...why i feel like i wanna vomit... this survey is....alright i guess. You feel...like i just wasted 19 minutes of my life

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Today I felt old. I went to a birthday party for my cousin's boyfriend. Everyone seemed to be like between the ages of 19 and 22. And it's weird because I was close in age to these people yet I felt so out of touch with what they're doing. I felt old. Literally. Some girl was talking on her cell phone to her friend about how they HAD to go to Beat It like that was the cool thing to do and I remembered how it was the cool thing to do like 5 years ago for me. Yea. Five years ago. Shit, one of my friends met her husband there. God that makes us all seem so old. These kids, and I say that gingerly, they are so into things we're so bored of. They'll never know what it was like when that stuff actually WAS cool. Now it's all sugar coated and commercialized. Now I know how Matt must feel when I talk to him about stuff that I think is new and neat and he's like "yea been there, done that... like a decade ago." Ugh. Its bad enough I felt old at the though of turning 23, but tonight justified all of that. I think it's really odd how some people a year or two younger than me seems so closely tied into their high school days and yet I feel like I'm more tied into a corporate society...

Saturday, February 19, 2005

I feel really excited and special. This weekend I finished filling out paperwork for my 401K stuff. I'm really happy knowing that when I retire I'll be retiring in style. Plus I just did my first life decision of a stock investment!! Yay!! I also informed my 4 beneficiaries that I will be worth more dead than alive... not sure if that's good or not but hey, I like the idea that if I'm dead my loved ones will be financially taken care of. :) Wow, I'm soo content right now. I feel all grown up and stuff haha! My room is cleaned and its Saturday night and I went to church today and I feel like I can just relax like crazy tomorrow! God life is GOOD!

Thursday, February 17, 2005

In the final conclusion in the Ghosts of New Mexico saga, I find that it does not end. The Bottger Mansion didn't fail to fulfil my ideals of dejavu. The only difference was that there appeared to be some color changes. Maybe things were a certain color a certain time ago? Who knows. Before we got anywhere, we took pictures at the airport. They were taken moments apart and in the first picture you see Lori loving the day...er... night... in Albuquerque. Then, we are together saluting our indian spirit friend above us and there appear a few orbs. For the skeptics, the two pictures are at the same eye level, angle, and the orbs don't appear in the first picture. As you can see in the first picture, there are no light souces that would allow for this to happen? On our first night, the walk up to our room was rather quiet. The staircase had a cold feel to it, like a cold stale spot. I can't quite describe what it felt like but I'll try: Imagine you are in a room that is warm and toasty, then you continue walking and suddenly hit a certain area that feels like you have walked into a refridgerator, but without the blowing air, just stagnant air like the warm air around you, then as you continue walking it is warm again. I guess its like walking through a person or a presence of some sort? None the less I felt bad for not knowing they were there and walking through them. A little later after we got into our room, we heard pacing up and down the stairs. There was only 2 other people at the Bottger that night, someone next door to us and the owners. After the stairs became bothersome to the point we could no longer sleep we decided to look into who was making this noise. Of course we should have known better as there was no one around. It was most likely Charles as he has been rumored to pace up and down the stairs... But we got to sleep eventually after walking around for a while looking for Charles and getting snacks from the kitchen.... The next day the owners delighted us to Apple Puffs and fruit for breakfast and we went around shopping and dining. We also ventured to the rattlesnake museum, the aquarium and botanical gardens where we got into all sorts of mischief! I went to mass at San Felipe de Neri while Lori stayed at the Bottger. San Felipe was awesome! It was this old Catholic church with a sorta gothic revival look on the inside but a pueblo meets gothic look on the outside. Old Town Albuquerque is a highly spiritual town whether you're Catholic or believe in your individual tribe's beliefs. At church I was noticed as a visitor along with a few other visitors and the Father asked where we were all from and then asked us if we had birthdays coming up. So, in turn, I had a whole church singing happy birthday to me and another girl who had an up coming birthday as well. Very cute. I admired how closely knit their parish was... After mass, Lori and I went to the High Noon Saloon and Restaurant, which is haunted. It used to be a saloon slash brothel, so there's bound to be ghosts lurking around that place! Then at 8:30 we were supposed to meet up in the plaza by the cannons for the ghost tour. Never happened... I was greatly disappointed because I wanted to do that so badly! Oh well... next time. We called it a night, and frankly, I was beat. I went to sleep only to await going home the next day. Sunday we checked out and got our taxi arranged to pick us up at 4:30 so we did some last minute shopping and I bought a new rosary made from rose beads in a salmony pink. We ate at the Church Street Cafe for lunch, which is also haunted. That was built like in 1706 or something and was Casa de Ruiz. It is the oldest residential building in Albuquerque but not much is known about it's history other than the last Ruiz tied into that residence died in 1991, not sure if she still lived there or not? From what I understand the ghosts of that restaurant heckle the chefs by calling out orders and people get wrong meals. Part of me thinks that happened to Lori as she orderd this pork dish and was given a veggie burrito!!! After that we decided to go down to this Mexican joint and have some drinks. Due to the high spirtual beliefs out there, you are not allowed to order any alcoholic beverages in any of the restaurants on a Sunday without purchasing an appetizer. So we had to make room for some taquitos to go with my Bloody Mary and Lori's Raspberry Margarita. Anyway moral of the story, New Mexico was beyond cool.

Wednesday, February 9, 2005

Saturday night I had another weird dream. I recognised the staircases going up to the second story and the one going down to the wine cellar rooms, but there were a few other locations particularly a greyish dark hall/corner that led to a kitcheny area near a water heater/cupboard. There was an older man with greyish hair and he was kinda tall and an older woman with short curly auburn hair. I think they were owners or something. For some reason Lori and Matt were there. I sensed a presence when I entered and was almosed in this possessed trance completely fascinated with the presence of the household. Lori and Matt wanted nothing to do with the place. They were discussing making reservations elsewhere but the innkeepers wouldn't hear of it and decided to knock our price in half. They still wanted to make plans to go elsewhere and the man and woman had a kinda evil NO YOU WILL STAY HERE kinda attitude that I saw but they didn't see it. I think they might have been under the influence of something from before? Lori was looking through a yellow pages for other hotels while I started to walk off. Matt followed me because he was worried I was becoming too attached to the place. The man of the house was showing me around and I was in the grey hall. He pointed to the upper corner of the room to a visible orb. I reached out and was saying "HELLO" to the orb and I felt as if the orb was drawing myself to it. I was amazed at how I appeared to be floating, yet to Matt my feet were clearly planted on the ground. He grabbed me and said that we were NOT staying and we would be leaving immediately. He tried to find our way back and we wound up in the kitchen area. The woman was going through the cupboards looking for something and one of them had no back and appeared to go under the house or into a secret hall or chamber? He was really bothered by this place and how I was connected to it. Everywhere you went had these strange feelings and the only way to get away from them was to leave the city completely. There was no way to leave this place... only to wake up. I leave in 44 hours...

Wednesday, February 2, 2005

"... Starts out there is a home... for some reason we go there and wind up visiting a spa. There ares ome people in the pool. I want to go poop and I wind up going in the spa. I feel it inside and try to hide it and sneak into the bathroom to get rid of it. When i get up, it comes out and everyone is grossed out and leaves. I throw ita t them as they run off. I then go into the house looking for the bathroom. I find it and go and put my clothes back on to find the others. When I get out there, I notice everyone is gone. I look out form the yard and see this beautiful beach (?) with lots of rocks and decided to go down theres ince its just across the street. "

"... When I get down there, I notice its blocked off by... a chainlink fence and lots of aircraft. Behind I can see the people down there having fun in the water."

"I go back to the house and theres a woman. She's very weird and maybe she doesn't want anyone in her house for anything past the den/dining room/kitchen. There's something about her room and the girl's room and the blue hall that she doesn't want me to find out about. Around the same time Reggie and Johnny show up [not sure who these people are just a black man Reggie, and a white guy Johnny. Never met them nor do I know anyone who looked like them with those names, just two random names attached to faces.] I am supposed to stay with them and stay in the den and watch TV. We're sitting there and ... there is a thing on the news about a kid who dies. [A naked man showed up at the screen door] Reggie recognizes the name. We go out to a tent in the front to see if we can find out who the man is. We find a recipt from the man in the books... we find a whole list of names and look ..."

"...what happesn to the people. We find out every guest has died. We go back to the house and sit in the room. I go into the back of the house and find the girl's room and the blue hall. THere's something eerie about the girls room. It has a pale glow to it. It's not a bad presence but it is empty. I get lost in the blue hall later twice and its very scary there. It has an evil feel to it. I try to get... I see the woman's room. She sees me and gets mad and tells me to get out and I go out to Reggie and Johnnie again. When we're sitting down, the naked man comes to the door. He's trying to come in but Reggie and Johnny won't let him. They tell me to hide and I run back to the girl's room."

"I get lost in the blue hall again and there's a gust of wind from there. I run out of it and come across the girl's room. THe curtains are off and th e beds are floating upside down from the ceiling. I see the woman ... behind me and she looks like she's dead an dshe's after me. I run out to Reggie and Johnnie but only find the room empty with two recipts for their stay there. I grab them and run out to the beach. I try to get out to the waters, but the kids in the rocket shooters are flying away. THey won't stay and know they must leave. I try to get ..."

"... out to the water and follow the fence to a pont form the stagnant water. I go into the waters and head out to ... On my way there Jamie [name attached to a face again. Don't know who she is.] shows up. I recognise her from a pictures inside the house. She was one of the girls. She gets mad that I let her die but I know nothing about her. I think she was raped and killed in her house by a guest her mother let stay there and..."

"...she has been killing any guest who stays there since. She grows and makes the tides grow larger. I run out and take a car from in front of the house and leave. I'm not sure if this means I'm safe... but I'm not there anymore. I know the secret of the house. Reggie and Johnnie are dead. The woman was not good."

— Dream September 18/19 2002 night/morning?

Do I sound crazy? Possibly. None the less now you have some insight into the strange and unusually cryptic things that haunt my subconscious in the wee hours of the night. Do you wonder why I am so eager to sleep instead of spend my horrific hours being productive? I should hope not...

None the less I have a feeling I am being drawn to a place. The pictures in the previous post are photos of rooms available in the Bottger Mansion. The sketches on the sides of those photos were of specific rooms I could remember details to in the dream just mentioned. I will not be staying in eithe room. I don't plan to play with the ghosts. I just need closure... proof that I am wrong and that this is nothing more than a strange coincidence.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Thats right, I'm goin to Albuquerque, New Mexico! And not just for anything, it's V-Day weekend and I'm spending it with my true love: GHOSTS!!! Ya I'm goin ghost hunting in NM and it's gonna be fabulous, and even better, I'm staying at a HAUNTED MANSION!!! Anyway, it'll be the best and even if I don't see any ghosts, I'll still get to do some fun shopping and see the rattlesnake museum... fab!! I can't wait!!!

Thursday, January 20, 2005

The rooms in the drawings were done September 18/19 pm/am? 2002. They were based on something I saw in a very weird dream. Some two years later I come across a bed and breakfast in New Mexico where I will be staying that resembles two of the rooms in the dream. Coincidence? I think not... We'll see what Old Town has to offer and whether we can get some closure for some disturbed souls...

to albuquerque... its only for a weekend. i guess its not really running away if you know where im at. i just need a break away from everything. i cant hang. <<< side note >>> what the hell?!?! mood: reading (books) um if im typing a blog would i be reading? no i'd be typing... i can type and watch tv, or type and listen to music but i cant type and read!!! dumbass gen-x pseudo sophisticate show the world how smart you are by showing how stupid you still are theory proven by jenny correct once again... seriously kids, i was smart before it was cool and i got shit from people all my life in school cos of it. fuckin opportunist

Monday, January 10, 2005

I'm feeling zesty tonight. I think I'm going to do something I haven't done in a long time and write a thought commentary thingiemabob.

Gen-X Pseudo SophisticatesI was filling out one of those ever so popular online survey things. You know the ones—what's your name, favorite color, favorite tv show, etc. Usually they get passed around by all your friends and give you insight into trivial facts you probably already knew about them. Some people use those surveys to make themselves sound more interesting by adding hints of sarcasm or something. But there is an alarming trend in these little surveys that hints to a higher intelligence level in the people who fill them out.

Gen-X is growing up. They are growing weary of the apathetic pizza eating, tv watching, reputation they've been given. They've traded in their "burger, fries, and a drink" in exchange for expensive restaurants, sushi, and merlots. And don't even think about tv anymore because it is far too much of an idiot device for them to pay homage to for an hour or more a day. Instead they prefer books and foreign films.

Now, I know how annoying that whole stupid teenager shtick was, but this pseudo intellectual thing is even more annoying. Half the people that are out there are reading things they don't even comprehend and then when you try to have a discussion with them about things of the sorts, they sound like broken records reitterating the facts of sentences they were able to understand. Or they talk about how great the latest French film was when really its just a ripoff of a film that was made in America a year ago. (Of course, if they're as smart as they pretend to be they'll call you on the fact there are only 7 story plotlines that can ever occur.)

What's even more pathetic is Gen-X is not about original thought. They don't want to do things to broaden their horizons. Instead they do things to be cool. If someone decides it's no longer cool to be stupid, then suddenly they try to be smart. And when you take a halfwit and try to turn them into a MENSA member, it doesn't usually play off very well. Words are frequently misused and Michael Moore's statistics are often mistaken for facts. Very frightening...

So maybe this will be just a passing phase in their constantly flip-flopping lifestyles. Hopefully they'll grow old of this and feel more comfortable retreating to their apathetic roots. Sad as it may sound, some people are better off idiots.

Friday, January 7, 2005

So this is the new year... Well it took me long enough. I have this theory that has yet to prove me wrong: the way you spend your New Year's Eve is a reflection of what the future year will be like. Needless to speak, mine was rather horrendous (sp?) one. I won't even delve into that night once again as it was complete and utter bullshit! I will say, it did make me think about a lot of things and I've decided that I'm just going to come to terms with things. I've learned to accept things the way they are and instead of bitching about it, try to make it work for me or better, whatever. Bitching, I find, is only useful in certain situations, and not in day to day events. It just makes you tired and frusterated.

INDIVIDUALISM IN A LIBERAL SOCIETY

California as we know it is a very liberal state. Just about anything goes. Everyone wants to be their own person or a star of some sort and it's almost unwritten state mandate that you are a member of SAG or have done something in the entertainment industry. None the less, an aspiring artist is just as much of a media whore as an aspiring actor, singer, stripper, you name it. So it is only necessary to make it to the top you study at the best institutions you can find. For me, the entire duration of my life up until 3 or 4 years ago was at the California Institute of the Arts.

I was fortunate enough to get in. Then again, I wonder how many other people they let in. After my first year there, I think I realized that it's not so much whether your art is good or not, it's how many drugs you do, how rich your parents are, how many people you know, how many gallery openings you go to and how wasted you get there. So for me, the answers were discovered after the first year: bad, none, poor, not enough, rarely and rarely.

I realized this place was way too liberal for my traditional yet quarky ways. Where then do I fit in? I'm too eccentric for standard settings, but not psychotic enough for CalArts. And perhaps that's where my problem was. Not so much in my art, but in who I was as a person.

In that liberal society where individualism and free thinking is spoken so strongly of, I felt as if I were being ostracised for doing exactly that. It was like CalArts rounded up all the freaks of California, the US, and the rest of the world, and housed them under the pretense they were getting an education in the arts. Yet with the exception of a small handful, half the teachers were as much of nut jobs as the students. Ironically enough, as I evolved as a person, I started to stray away from "their" norm, that being, I started to go corpororate, I became an individual: a responsible person amongst carefree twenty- and thirty-somethings who should have been more responsible than I was, considering their ages.

I believe there is a direct correlation between me working to finance my tuition and being told I don't spend enough time on my studies because I work too much. That showed responsibility. Apparently you can't be responsible at CalArts. You need to be the complete opposite and rely on your rich parents to send you money for tuition, supplies, food, and steal things from people to get whatever else you want because no one will punish you. And this theory doesn't only apply to the students. It applies to some of the staff members as well. After all, what responsible financial aid department would lose your loan application, then send you last year's application and then tell you they sent the wrong form and send you the correct form only to have it sit on some shelf for a week after you turned it in? Then they expect you to come up with $11,000 over a two week notice, because we all are millionaires, after all.

There is a lot of other odd coincidences that have occured since my transformation that I won't even delve into. It is sickening that unless you are an idividual in their liberal society, and by that, be a clone of your peers, you will not get far in life.

With that, I say, after 5 years on and off, full time, part time, 3 years and 1 semester of work completed, I am going to march down to that school, completely fed up, and file for dismissal. No one will care other than the fact they just lost a customer.

But enough of that crap: here's some highlights of 2004: nothing.

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS:1. Get SCUBA certified.2. Take down pretty girls that know they're pretty and act like bitches.3. Travel ! Travel ! Travel! (Last year was AWESOME and I need to see more of what's out in the world!)4. Screw CalArts and go to another school.