disclaimer or something

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

is it a gym or a bar?

I am trying to be an adult to interacts with adults and gets a break from her toddler healthy and support hubby as he goes back to the gym. I almost joined a gym chain place and even exercised for a whopping 45 minutes there to try it out. I did not stretch beforehand because a lovely considerate lady was sitting on the stretch mat, like, chatting to like totally like someone cool and like...she was in full workout regalia but just...sitting there hogging the mat. I shot her a look which she was oblivious too. The coolest thing? 45 min later she like finishes like her convo on like her cell, walks into the locker room, walks right out and dramatically wipes her (dry) brow and says phew, totally gonna come back tomorrow. Girl, you fooled no one. Sure you went to the gym but you didn't really go to the gym. Going to the gym implies you not just look totally hot in your lycra matching accessory outfit but that you actually work out. You know, stretch on the stretch mat and stuff.--------------------------------------------So I decide to work on my chest to srengthen my...whatever muscles so my shoulders are more aligned and I am not all slouchy andc asthmatic. But people kept hogging the equipment and the free weights and so a lot of time was iust spent waiting. So I did what Ido best, got all nosey and people watched. I watched the roid raging popular guys with tribal tats (sorry but getting a tat you saw on mtv, at some post tat parlor in the OC is soooo not tribal) grunt and give that how-cute-am-I look the entire time. The girls were in ensembles that somehow looked very Cosmo meets runway model....which made my Target bought yoga pants and Walmart tshirt seem soooo out of place. They had on skin tight super cute sports clothing and had perfect bodies and all. Sure I am "skinny and perfect, why the hell are you in the gym" (not my words btw) but I do no look like I literally steped off the fitness magazine front cover and into this gym. Oh and I do not habe balloons. One girl was probably 100 lbs at 5'5" if she didn't have ten pound balloons. Her surgically-given balloon boobs were so massive I think a slight breeze would tip her over onto her boobs and she would still be 5'5" because those baloon boobs were bigger than she was. --------------------My conclusion here is, the gym is a bar ezcept instead of lifting shot glasses in your hot mini skirt as you giggle at the frat guy chugging a beer, it is you in your hot lycra lifting the tricep bar and giggling hoping OC tribal tat Rod rager is going to totally check you out, you know, as long as he can stop checking himself out. It was like a college bar scene all over again and size 6 me felt all fat and dorky and lame in this bar scen of a gym. I am joining a different chain gym because I went there today and saw some grandparently folks walk out,some yoga pants girls, some beer guy guys sweating it out and thought ,this is my gym. People come here to actually try and be healthy but they are not the kind of people that either model for fitness magazines or work at Hollister because they rate themselves 8 and above on the hot sexy scale
No this was a place where SAHMs and grandpas and stuff go to try and improve their health and who arent caught up on what Sport Chalet lycra sports bra is sooo this week, who don't shine up their tats or put on makeup, who dont go to the gym to get some.

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About Me

True story...in kindergarten, I rolled with a Harley driving biker gang that invaded and made a campground their territory, and I got to wear a pink bandana as my "colors". I was raised by hippy intellectual parents who were artists and watched PBS, leading me to believe a degree in sociology would make millions because there were sociologists on tv...I mean, movie stars are millionaires, right? And in college, I got to hold a real mummy's hand, so goths can suck it cause have they caressed the hand of a n Egyptian mummy, the ultimate dead?
Oh and I am a mom who is kinda "crunchy granola". I bathe, use bottled soap, give my kid soda, and use disposable diapers But yeah...I breastfeed, make my own organic baby food, and drive a freakin subaru.