Monday, October 5, 2015

What's A Mother to Do? Seven Ways You Can Help Your Teenage Son

Oh my! Freddy*
turns fifteen, and you have no idea what’s happened to him! Is there hope? (The
short answer: Yes! The young man that lives in your home will not only do well;
he will thrive. There’s definitely hope.)

Freddy is lazy. He doesn’t seem to see anything there is
to do. He has no initiative and doesn’t look too pleased when you ask him to do
anything. He slumps around on the couch, fiddles with video games, and his face
looks like he just ate a prune.

Or . . .

Freddy claims he’s bored. He has an “impress me” attitude
and rarely smiles. He doesn’t enter into family fun. He looks miserable and
frankly doesn’t inspire others around him.

Or . . .

Freddy is rebellious. He wants to do just the opposite of
anything you’d like him to do. He’s got an attitude as long as your arm. You
think he’s experimenting with sin.

Or . . .

Freddy is a clown. He can make people laugh and shrug off everything.
He’s truly hilarious, but he uses it to get out of work, to be popular, and to avoid responsibility.

Or . . .

Freddy is too intense, too driven. He’s a perfectionist,
and he’s driving you crazy. He works all the time. If it’s not studies, it’s on
his extra-curricular interests. He has to excel. He’s never satisfied with “enough.”
Everything has to be more than successful. You’re concerned he’ll burn himself
out or that he’ll not be realistic in his expectations, never able to accept “normal
life.”

If you have a
teenage “Freddy,” here’s a little bit of practical help:

Remember that most
young men go through an awkward stageat about age twelve to seventeen. The
stage might start earlier or later, but almost every young man goes through a
time of change. The changes in his body—huge growth spurt, hormonal
differences, noticing girls—are part of it. I believe it’s also just a normal
preparation for manhood. It’s the time before responsibility, college or
apprenticeship, and getting serious about being a man. Most young men go
through this. It’s not a cause for alarm.

Encourage your
son’s interests.Does he enjoy sports, art, music, mechanics, etc.? Make
sure he can do those things. He needs to be doing something active as well as
his school studies. Even if your son is naturally a bookworm, make sure he gets
out and does physical exercise. It’s a win-win. It’s great for him physically,
spiritually (helps him handle temptation), and mentally (a different form of
exertion).

If your son has a
dad in his life, encourage his father to do things with him.Tasks can be as
simple as changing the oil in the car or as complex as adding a room onto the
house, but it’s great when sons are regularly working alongside their dads. If
your son doesn’t have an involved father, maybe he can do things with an uncle,
grandfather, cousins, or even a man in your church who has sons close to his
age. It is very important for teen boys to have a great male influence in his
life. It’s a vital part of his growing up as a young man.

As “Freddy’s” mom,
show him unconditional love.Freddy needs to feel your love, just as much as he
needs to work alongside a male role model. Let him know you love him as he is.
Is he morose, silly, or bored? You love him. Give him non-public hugs. Tell him how thankful you are for him. Put positive expectations into words. Be natural
and normal about it, but verbalize your love and do special things for him.
When he’s over his “goofy stage,” he will know you always loved him.

Have
non-confrontational conversations. I found the absolute best place to talk
with my teenage son was in the car on the way to or from an activity. We
weren’t face-to-face, and it was a natural place to talk—or just be silent—on
the way. We talked about all kinds of things. Don’t pin “Freddy” down. Just
talk normally and naturally. Always
keep the lines of communication open with your son.

If “Freddy” is
into a sinful practice (cutting, porn, drugs, or even just acting out and
being ugly), he has a sin problem. Can your husband talk to him about it? Can
his youth pastor or senior pastor help him? Is “Freddy” open to talking to
anyone? Is “Freddy” a born-again Christian? If not, he needs the Lord. Don’t
pressure him, but make sure he hears the gospel over and over again. Pray that
God will do a work in his heart, so that he will be convicted about his sin.
(Unless change comes from the heart, it won’t be a lasting change.) Of
course, if it’s a sin that affects your family, you may need to discipline him.
Make sure anyone living under your roof obeys family rules. Also, make sure to protect all your children.

Pray for your son.Pray that God will help him become the man God wants him to be. Thank God for
working in his life. Expect "Freddy" to get through his awkward stage and come out
on the other side stronger.

I can’t tell you how many mothers of teen boys have come
to me desperately wondering what to do with their sons! At fifteen, sixteen,
and seventeen, the boys are nothing like what their mothers would like them to
be. But, you know what? These same young men, in a few years—at about eighteen
or nineteen—have become responsible, serious adults with goals. It’s amazing!

And thou, Solomon my
son, know thou the God of thy father,

and serve him with
a perfect heart and with a willing mind:

for the LORD
searcheth all hearts,

and understandeth
all the imaginations of the thoughts:

if thou seek him,
he will be found of thee.

(1 Chronicles 28:9a)

So, if you’re the mother of a teen boy, take heart and hang in there! Your “hopeless” young man will change over the next few
years. Be prepared to be pleasantly surprised.

2 comments:

Again, another great post, Lou Ann! I would add, however, that moms need to remember that before they are teens, they are toddlers and adolescents, watching how Mom handles HER God-given position in the home. Biblical teaching and lifestyle needs to occur all the way through to possibly prevent some of the "normal" (is it?) teenage attitudes.

Yes, I agree completely with you. Thank you for sharing this point. I don't believe rebellion is "normal" and can mostly be prevented by the way parents rear their children before the teen years AND how they talk about teenage years in a positive way. No one should expect rotten attitudes. Thank you for your input! God bless!

Hi and welcome to In the Way! I explore many subjects, striving always to present them from a biblical viewpoint. Feel free to browse the tabs at the top for general categories. If you don't see what you're looking for, use the search button below. I'm a pastor's wife, mother of two, grandma, teacher, author, and blogger. I live in a quaint little village in the beautiful Basque region of northern Spain.

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Lou Ann is a young-thinking grandma with an infectious laugh. She rejoices in nature and other beautiful things--including people! She's an avid writer and practices several other artistic expressions, like singing when no one's listening, calligraphy, photography, and even "serious art." Lou Ann loves her Lord Jesus Christ, family, and her church.