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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Originally Posted by averageguy

Oh, thank God! I feel like I've just had an orgasm here in St. Louis--that was the biggest build up in ages.

........

Not only in St Louis....

LostVegas - This is a GREAT story (and your writing is almost cinematic, it was like being there and with some suspense too). I'm happy to hear that everything went well with your best friend. This was a major step and I'm very proud of you.
Thanks for sharing your story.

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Lost Vegas, Congrats on your successful 'coming out' to your friend! I've been watching this thread from the beginning and checking several times a day for your updates. (By the way, I'm a little bitter that you have to work and sleep - the suspense was killing me!) Keep us updated on how things go and thanks for sharing this story. Meanwhile, there are plenty of us sending you lots of good thoughts/energy!

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Thank you all so very much. The overwhelming outpouring of support here has been beyond anything I could ever have imagined...My writing was all over the map but I'm so very glad you all came with me for the ride...and it is not over yet..so many things now to experience and do and just really feel like Im floating on air and walking on sunshine...cue cheesy song...

But I spent the past hour writing them both a 5 page letter to take with them on their journey..and I gave them two dollar bills with messages of love and luck written on it so they tie it and put it in their car..not sure if this is done with anyone else, but he does it as a good luck thing..

I WILL let you all know how tonight goes, since it seems tonight I will be the last time I see him till August..in a way Im also glad that when I see him in August..i will be that much stronger..talk to you all soon..

And thanks to each and every one of you all who responded and even those that just read it..I hope this proves that not every story ends bad and things can actually get better...I am living proof of that..my best regards..Brian

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

AHHHH!!!!!!! Yes!!!! Woohoo!!! LV, I'm so friggen happy for you!!! <---so happy that I actually used this emoticon.

Dude, I was thinking about you when I got in from work...I was looking for an update, and there was nothing. On the way to the gym, (about the time you posted) I was hoping and praying that you were able to follow through...AH! I'm so bloody excited right now!

I'm glad to see that you're happy, too. This happiness thing looks good on you...you should keep it for a while.

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Congrats, I'm so happy for you. This is like better than any move/tv show/book I"ve read in a long time. I wonder what he woudl have said if you said YES you were in love with him. Oh well, you got your solution, and I'm happy for you.

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian,

Good job! You just took care of some business that hundreds (millions) of us wish we would have done "back when".

I gotta tell ya, for the past week, I've been going straight to this thread as soon as I get home every day as if this was the friggin Sopranos or something! BTW, I can't WAIT for the sequel . I mean, come on....the first trip to Vegas...assuming the two of you can get some time away from "Her"...well...let's face it, Brian, straight guys just don't go around sayin' "I love you" to one another. So, we're all going to be anxiously awaiting the 'next chapter'.

But, you know, he was just waiting for you to bring it up first, and you were just wanting him to do the same thing. How GREAT you must feel to get this off of your shoulders. I'm sorry that your love interest in him isn't working out, but I can assure you that your 'buddy' relationship is going to be SO much better, if you'll just stay in touch!

New chapter...

It is 3:51 am here on the east coast and I just got in from saying goodbye to my buddy...I almost did not know what would be harder..coming out to my friend or saying goodbye to him..it was close I tell you..real close...

I fell asleep and woke up and saw the clock..it was 11:30pm..I thought holy shit, it is so late and I have not heard from him..he had told me he needed to say goodbye to some people..so I just figured his house was busy with all of that...

I called him and since it was late I let the phone ring once...he called me back immediately crying..I could not make out what he was saying..I said "calm down buddy..it will be ok..can I come over?" He said "Im sending a car for you, come on over"..I got there and found him and his fiancee on the front steps crying...he told her to go inside and said that he wanted to go for a walk with me around the block a few times...we walked a little..it was very cold out..and eerily quiet for Brooklyn at night..He said I know yesterday was hard for you..and now you are here in person and I hope its just easy for you..he also said.."be who you are and let no one take that from you"...

We walked a little more and he asked if I would come on in..he goes "I know you have a problem seeing the house empty and stuff..but please come in.." I go in I say hello to his brother in law and assure him that Im here for him too if he needs anything..I talked to her for a while..made some jokes..then hung out with my buddy in his room while playing XBOX..he told me this shouldnt be happening and its hard...He gave me a watch and a Vegas keychain and offered me his new xbox 360 as reminders of him to keep...I started to cry...we joked some more..than I said my last goodbye to his girl...and he said o he that me and brian are going for a walk...

We head out and start walking..we talk some more and more ..we sound like broken records right now to each other....he goes lets just go sit in the car, its warm in there and we could talk longer...we couldnt go for one of our drives, we both were dying to, but he had the trailer hitched onto the car and its hard getting spots in Brooklyn..so there we sat..nice and warm in the car...he said this reminds me of you..and plays Madonna's I'll Remember for me and he played This Used To Be My Playground..and Savage Garden's Truly Madly Deeply...in the house prior to this he was with his girl, kissing her saying ti was going be ok..it didnt get to me like it used to get to me because I think im acting different now that I am out and it makes it better in a way..I dont obsess as much...but I tell you hes night and day when he hangs with me...very emotional and more like me...He never shows feelings and thoughts and says words like he does to me when shes around and I am fine with that..I have my own little special relationship with him that no one has...He told me that "Bri..I know you told me you were gay...and I think you might be confused..you might be into both guys and girls..but even if you are just into guys..thats cool too..let no one force you to be someone your not..He told me that Im always welcome to come down and live with him, without even calling..just come down..he goes Bri, my parents would have to call, my other friends would have to call, but you never have to call...I started crying saying how much he is going be on my mind and I will always be thinking about where he is and what he is doing..

Each time I would break out in sobs he put his hand on my head and rubbed it..and the final, bad outburst Ii had in the car here goes "come here" and he pulls my head towards him and he makes my head rest on him...I said Im ready bro..lets just do this..I got out of the car and I just broke down so bad..he stood 5 feet away just looking at me tearing up..we walked to his house and I broke more and more down...He said "bri, please stop crying..I am always here for you and always will be.." I kept crying and crying..we went inside to get warmed up...and then I said..ok..I really am ready..he goes your not going to cry are you and I said no...

I offered him my hand and he held it tightly and said..come here..he got up and we hugged each other for what seemed like an eternity but was in reality like 30 seconds...Our ears were pressed together and my arms were hugging him tightly..I started crying and he squeezed me back to show me things will be ok..I broke the hug and headed to the door and broke down terribly as I was walking out he opened the door back up and said Bro..I love ya and I will call you tomorrow and please do not cry anymore..and with that I nodded a weak "sure" and left sobbing....I will miss him very much...it hurts right now. thanks..Brian

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I got out of bed just to check this thread again. This is so, so extremely sad and depressing. And I'm only reading about it!

LV, we're here for you bud. Hang in there. Try to look on the bright side- your buddy knows who you really are, and he accepts you and loves you no matter what! And he isn't going away permanently... you'll see him again eventually, and you can even fly over to visit and stuff.

Things will be alright. Smile, hold your head up, and be strong for him.

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

LV, I'm lying here in bed with my laptop and went straight to your thread. I feel for you and hope you realize how fortunate you are (and he is) to have each other. I've been in similar situations and it felt almost like my friend died, but then the next time we talked/saw each other it was just like there was no geographical distance between us. So here's the deal - you have a wonderful friend who actually knows who you are now and still loves and cares for you. Be proud of yourself for being honest with him and be proud of him for his reaction. As theblackajah indicated above, there are planes leaving NYC every day to Vegas, so you're never more than a few hours away from each other.

Be nice to yourself this week - get a massage or take a walk in Prospect Park, see a show/movie you've wanted to see or just indulge in something you've wanted to do for you. And remember to breathe (as will the rest of us who've been holding our breath all week to see how this turns out!). And don't forget, we're here for you!

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian, this is the first thread I logged into this morning. I knew the leave-taking would be gut-wrenching and it looks like it was. The pain you are feeling must be overwhelming right now, but it will ease. Remember, he's always a phone call away, or as someone mentioned above, a quick plane trip away.

Certainly you need some emotional downtime to recover from the events of the last week. You've been through a lot coming out to your best friend, confirming he wasn't gay himself, and then him leaving for Las Vegas. But, after the dust has settled, what then? Where do you go from here?

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Originally Posted by averageguy

Brian, this is the first thread I logged into this morning. I knew the leave-taking would be gut-wrenching and it looks like it was. The pain you are feeling must be overwhelming right now, but it will ease. Remember, he's always a phone call away, or as someone mentioned above, a quick plane trip away.

Certainly you need some emotional downtime to recover from the events of the last week. You've been through a lot coming out to your best friend, confirming he wasn't gay himself, and then him leaving for Las Vegas. But, after the dust has settled, what then? Where do you go from here?

For now, grieve your loss and reconcile his departure in your head.

Gentlemen..I am truly having such a hard time dealing with this..I know Im an emotional guy, perhaps too caring and too sensitive..but it hurt so very bad today..a million times more than I thought it would and was ready for..I was teaching a class and during my break it hit me and I cried..I called them 2 times while at work, and they were in the process of packing up to go..my heart hurt so bad..I should have been in on it too...It so much colder here and Im so much alone right now..these were my only two friends here...I dont know how to deal...Tonight will hurt so bad because I know I just cant ask him to hang if I want to, and that my buddy is gone...this is single handedly the worst thing I have ever been through...without question...I need advice..please..anything, brian

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian,

Go and watch a movie...A comedy or an action flick...stay away from romantic stuff. Chat with some people online...Hey, chat with the people on JUB. I'm about to go skiing, but if you want to chat later, PM me. I don't remember if you have a car...But if you do, go for a drive, park somewhere with a nice view and just watch. Go for a walk somewhere there's nice architecture and is well lit at night. Go inside an old church, museum, library (anything) that's open, and admire the architecture. Run and grab an ice cream cone. Do something fun! Do whatever you want, just keep yourself busy. When you think of your friend, don't dwell on his departure. Remember some of the memories of hanging out with him and rather than mourn his departure, long for the day you'll be reunited with him in Las Vegas. And it's not that far off, imo. 6 months? Please, it'll be here so fast...I'm trying to get life to slow down a little. But remember...don't spend all your time longing for the future...Use the future to help dull the pain of the present. But don't make the mistake of not living in the present because you're always longing for the future. So, use the past and the future to dull the immediate pain...But don't dwell so long on it, that life passes you by. I know you'll make out fine.

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Originally Posted by halubtsi

Brian,

I know you'll make out fine.

Cheers man.

Thanks Hal..it is very hard..741 here on the east coast and I think im gunna watch the beginning of the grammy awards and then head off to bed..buddy is supposed to call later but since hes driving hell prolly be too busy..im in so much deep pain...

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

LV, after having described your friend to us...I doubt that he's going to be "too busy" to call you tonight. I wouldn't be surprised if he talked to you for hours...BUT, I suggest not talking to him for too long, just because he's got a lot of driving to do. Enjoy the grammys.

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

We're here for you LV. You're never completely alone. I know this is tough. I love halubtsi's advice about getting out and doing something fun...go get an ice cream cone, or watch a good movie, or watch the grammies. In the coming days, distract yourself by doing fun things and being around people (even if you don't know them, go to a public place). Now is not the time to be physically isolated and alone.

Take care and report in often to let us know how you're doing. We care.

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Oh well hell...see this is what i miss when i only pop in here every few days. this is an amazing thread. LostVegas i'm really sorry this is tearing you up. I've lost friends that moved away that i was really close with, but i'm not sure as close as you are with your buddy. So i think all i can say is i sympothise with you and if you're like the rest of us, it will be hard for many days but each day will be a little better than the last and in 1 year you'll be able to go down there and be with your friend(s). halubtsi and averageguy are right get out there and do something fun it's too hard to be alone with these sorts of things happen. you'll just end up obsessing over it...i know that all too well. i'll stay up on this thread i promoise. And averageguy is right we're here for you you're never alone even if we are just "vertual" friends.

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

LostVegas - It's been an intense week. You need to take good care of yourself and think about all the great and positive things that have happened in just a couple of days. Grieving is part of this process too. In some moment go back to your first message here and think where you are now. That's pretty impressive. halubtsi and averageguy have great suggestions to think about.

I'm so glad that you were able to talk to your best friend and made plans for a visit in a few months. Your best friend gave you his support and you guys were able to talk like the good friends you are.

Enjoy the grammys or whatever you're planning for tonight (some rest is not a bad idea either). Be strong and keep us posted.

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys...no call from him last night and when I got home today no message....it hurts a little but I know he's busy doing his thing going down there..so I dont want to bother him..it hit me a little less hard today but he was often on my mind..after all, we made plans months ago that WE both were going to do this..but life changes I suppose...the weekends used to hit me hard when he was here, so Im fully expecting the weekends to hit me much harder now..I miss having him around and seeing his face light up and laugh when I cracked a joke and I miss hearing him talk and just being in the same room with him...my heart will always miss and ache for him..maybe Ill put another update up If Im feeling a little lonely tonight...thanks for the responses Brian

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I'm sure your buddy is doing fine and is busy with the driving. (I assume it's a 2 or 3 day drive) Long road trips are usually tiring and take a toll on the body.

As with most things, time usually helps ease the worries and the loneliness even though that isn't the answer you are looking for. Adjustments take time and you have a wonderful bond with your buddy that is so amazing that your friendship/bond will always be intact.

In the meantime, enjoy life and look for things that would interest you to help alleviate your loneliness or even catch up on work <--BOO! or Sleep <--YAY! considering the emotional and physical rollercoaster you've had this week. I'm rooting for ya! Take care of yourself.

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys, around 5pm eastern time here....I got too sad and called my buddy..the phone rang for a little and the machine picked up, left him a message..I hope hes doing good...ahhhhhhhhhhhhh it pains me to no end..this getting on with my life thing is pretty hard for me...Brian

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Read the whole thread here, really really awesome. Great you told him, and its just special what you guys have.

I mean, look back at how that started. You signed up with a gym and from that you met an amazing friend.

You should not "move on", you should just understand what you have now. You thought he might be gay too, so there was a possibility of that too, now you know he is not, but that does not change all the other great things you have. So, take that, enjoy it, enjoy his friendship, enjoy the person he is. Tell him about your life and what you want to do, ask him about his, and be happy for each other, and help each other out in this journey.

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I am so sad. Some of you may be sick of hearing it. I think Im sick of typing it..But I cant stop feeling it.. I missed my buddy's call and he left me a message..He said the prepaid phone he got was crapping out..and that hes in Nebraska right now and he will call me when he gets to Vages...he paused and he said "I miss you a lot bri.." and I just lost it and I am losing it now..I want him back here now...Im not feeling well right now..I miss my buddy's presence so much it literally is hurting my gut...I dont know what to do..bri

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Originally Posted by bayern20

You should not "move on", you should just understand what you have now . . . enjoy his friendship, enjoy the person he is. Tell him about your life and what you want to do, ask him about his, and be happy for each other, and help each other out in this journey.

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

LV, just let it all out. But once you've stopped crying, you need to make a conscious effort to stop dwelling on the impossible. Glad to hear that he made it safely to Nebraska, and at least now you know when he'll call you again.

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey all..not really an update...just dropping in to say hello and thanks for the words and the kind things you have said...Im glad the topic here was able to touch some people and even though it was and is my pain and sadness, Im glad it provided good reading for you all....Second day since I have not seen my brother..and it still hurts me every second...I think we thought of each other as such soul mates that it doesnt feel whole without him..He told me many times that "I feel i cant go bri or even like it out there because a huge piece of my life will be still here"...I cry a little less, but my heart aches so very much..I have never had this kind of pain and fear before..when I heard his voice on the machine yesterday I cried with such intensity that my stomach hurt...it's Friday night..this will be hard for me...Im used to seeing him a lot on the weekends....Ill never forget when I went to say goodbye to him, he said "Well..I saved the best person Ill ever know for last.."..Hes such a good kid...and I think I might just burst into tears right now...I know a lot of you maybe stopped reading or caring so much about this thread after I finally came out to him and see these updates as trivial, but I guess I keep posting here because it hurts so much and I need to vent it out..anyway..thats all for now, Bri

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I am one of those who have been avid followers of this thread, reading with interest, and concern, yet keeping my mouth (fingers) shut. You have been getting such great advice that I didn't feel I had anything more to contribute. And the "final result" definitely had me on the edge of my seat! I'm SO Happy that it went the way that it did!

But now is the time that Life moves on. And though the two of you will be apart, for a short time, it is now up to You to "cope", as well as possible, so You will certainly "Be There", for Him, and You, when "ReUnion Time" does roll around! (And that will be Sooner than You may think/feel right Now!)

I have friends that I haven't seen, nor in a lot of cases even been in touch with, for Years at a time. But, yet, when We do get back in touch, or better yet, Together, it's as though No Time has passed at all! And in Your case we're "talking" what? Maybe 6 mo. at the most? With practically "Guaranteed" Talking in the mean time?

I know it's not feeling like a "Good Thing" Right NOW! But ... and You'll have to Trust me on this ... Your BOND will be there as soon as You Two see each other again! No matter WHAT has, or has not, happened in the mean time!!

What You DO have is something Rarer beyond Description. YOU, and HE, are Far Luckier than either of You probably realize! You have something to be Cherished ... by No means Regretted!

"Easy" Right NOW? Of course not! But WORTH enduring? ABSOLUTELY!!

So ... as my Friend Soilwork might say ... "Strap on a Pair!". Be "Good" to Yourself!! You really DO have SO Much to Smile, and be Happy about!! YOU have SO Much More to be Thankful for than SO Many of "Us" who have been following this!

Take Good Care, "Bro"!!

And, of course, (Seriously!) ...

Keep smilin'!!
Ky

P.S.
Definitely keep Posting! It can be a "Boon" for ALL!!

WISDOM is the Knowledge you've gained ... After you could have used it!_Me

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Originally Posted by LostVegas

I know...I know. There are a dozen threads and topics on here right now about this, but please try and bear with me.

I met my best friend 3 years ago. It couldn't have happened at a more necessary time in my life. I am a 29 years old and gay. It is odd for me to even type that because ever since my childhood I have repressed this and have become so despondent and depressed over my lifetime, that it physically hurts. I am just comign to terms with all of this now.

So to make myself feel a little better I joined Bally's, a gym here on the east coast, and I think some other places. After some time going to the gym, I got a call from the manager there asking if I wanted a free trial personal training session. I said sure, why not. I went to the gym that day, kind of flippant about it, considering what I thought about personal trainers to begin with. So I meet the trainer and we had a greats session. I signed up for a few more, and before you knew it, we became friends. We became better friends one day after he was that I was down and just simply said "Whats bothering you?". And with that we got closer and closer. I told him of my abusive past with molestation by a few men and for some reason I just felt ok and comfortable and opened up with this guy.

Soon after we found out we were very much alike with our personalities and interests...he invited me over his apartment and introduced me to his fiancee. It would begin a period of time where we hung out a lot together and he helped me get over some issues I was going through, trusting people, etc..

We then became like brothers...we felt the same, finish each others sentences and found hanging out with each other to be very worthwhile. Soon after all of this started taking place me, him and his fiancee take a trip to Las Vegas for a week. We like it so much, and since we were all so miserable in NYC..we decided to move out there in July of 2004...Soon after he tells me that he has something to tell me and it might hurt me. He told me that in the beginning of our friendship he used me...for money and for some other things..he told me he was telling me this because he sees me as a brother and he wanted to come out with it..The friendship grew quickly and strongly at this point and we had a blast in Vegas...too much of a blast...Vegas spit us out as quickly as we got there and before long(Xmas of that very year) we found ourselves back in NYC...

Year goes by...Hes too depressed to work, she works at a meaningless job, and Im working since we got back..We all decided that we would one day move back to Vegas and recently the people they were staying with(his mother in law) got evicted so on Tuesday with some of my financial help they will be moving back there but I wont be going...I cant beging to tell you how upset I am that I will not be able to go for another year and a half at least(finishing schooling, saving money)..

To be honest I have harbored a crush on him since day one. Even through the friendship and even now that we consider ourselves brothers..I am very much into him...and ache when hes not around and there...Sometimes, I think I get a sense from him that he might be bi or gay..but I dunno..something also tells me maybe its my mind working agaisnt me and its just wishful thinking...consider the following..

Reasons he gives me to think he might be bi-or gay...
He never sleeps with his girl in the same bed...or rarely does
He constantly tells me that he wishes he was single and if it wasnt for his girl things would be easier
Many people say that we act like a gay couple cuz we r so close and fight like a married couple
He says Im the most important thing in his world even more so than his mom and girlfriend
He says when hes with his girl and his best friends hes often wondering what Iim doing and what Im up to
He gets very jealous when I talk about or hang with my other friends
He gets emotional with me, something he doesnt do around his other friends and girl
He says often that he needs me cuz his girl isnt there for him emotionally a lot and that I know how to talk to him and calm him down
We cry a lot together bout him leaving for Vegas without me and he tells me constantly that he should be happier hes going but hes not, because a huge piece of his heart is here still in NYC with me
His girl and friends are very jealous when we hang out and his girl is SO on top of him when we hang out, its almost like she thinks we are doing something, like im some girl moving in or something-nothing to do with whethere hes gay or not, just thought Id type it.
I keep telling him that I have something important to tell him and that its pretty big about me, and he goes "this isnt some jerry springer thing and your secrelty in love with me are you?" we both laughed it off but I was dying inside.

Reasons hes prolly straight
Hes got a girl/fiancee for bout 4 years now...been together 8
He always is saying "look at that girls ass" and "hey check her out" constantly like typical macho men do..I have to confess to being jealous and sometimes angry when he does this in front of me, because it just totally throws all these feelings I have for him up in the air...

I know I sound like a 13 year old writing this and some of the things I have said sound borderline obsessive..I know. But please know that I DO KNOW how to be friends with someone without messing it up..I do realize that if he is really straight, then by all means I do respect that...I plane on coming out to him very soon..Its a shame hes leaving for Vegas so soon though...my heart is utterly breaking...I will miss him very much nd I hope distance doesnt change the friendship, we are both worried about that..

I know he will be shaken a little when I tell him but after telling him so many times that I have something important to tell him he turns to me and said "I know what your secret is, but I dont wanna jump the gun and possibly offend you..I know what it is..and I wish I had the balls to tell you what I know it is.." So on some level I know he knows Im gay and in some deeper level I think he knows Im into him....and even after all that he says we will always be good brothers and he will miss me dearly and even reconsidered breaking up and just staying here with me so we could go out there together in a year, but we both know he cant do that...So I dont know...anyone have any opinions...please be kind, my heart is aching and breaking right now...

I don't want to sound harsh LostVegas, but....

While I have NO doubt in my mind that your friendship with this guy is sincere "real" and genuine, if you haven't already told him that you're gay and the two of you have "dealt" with that OPEN reality, then you're fooling yourself.

I'll take it a step further and say that your friend has the upper hand, and perhaps he's being respectful to (?) you by not wanting to talk (deal) with you about what you suspect/think that he already knows.

3 years now? You haven't come out to him at this point WHY?

I honestly think that the absolute best thing that you can do right now (no matter how painful) is to let him go with his "wife" to Las Vegas without you.

Here's why. You can finish up what you need to do to fulfill your goals and the things that you want to do with your precious life, and it will put some space between the two of you so he can work through who he is, and what he wants.

In addition, just before he leaves, tell him what you think he already knows.

He can simmer on that while he's gone too. I can promise you that at least one of two (if not several) things will happen:

He'll realize that YOU are what's really missing in his life, and that he himself might be gay.

He is gay, but in your absence will think that "why rock the boat" and stay in his current place in life, and who's he's legally married to.

None of this will matter, and you'll never meet someone who's "out, proud, and comfortable" with who they are, and you'll still be alone because of your "undying love" for someone that you're emotionally (but not physically) connected to, and who will now live almost 2,000 miles away.

Sorry! Live sucks, and we can't always guide our heart toward who we want to fall in love with.

Frankly, I'm surprised that you never came out to him. He's the one who's been controlling/manipulating your feelings and heart, because you've allowed him too. He himself may not even be aware of it, becuase unlike you, he's never dealth with his "feelings" sexual or otherwise about how he REALLY feels about you. It appears from what you've posted you've put more thought into working this out than he has, and if anything, you should thank him for that.

I've loved my closest friends MORE than I've loved guys that I've dated, slept with, or had relationships with. In those relationship with my friends we both understood the boundaries and parameters of our friendship; how we truly felt about each other. In some cases I needed to know how far that love and friendship extended to ME in regard to their feelings.

He needs to know, and you sound like you really need to know what his response will be.

Good luck with that and please drop a line to how it all works out.

Namaste!

Never regret anything, because in that moment it's exactly what you wanted.

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Well farmer it couldnt have worked out better...my friend is 100% accepting of me...and thanks Kyanimal for that awesome response!....

Now onto my update...it is 3:30 am here in NYC and the phone rings.....I dont have to look at the caller ID..I already KNOW immediately who it is ....I answered and my friend broke down, saying how great it was to hear my voice....and that he got to Vegas around 4 in the afternoon(7here) and that he cried knowing I was not going to be there and seeing all the places we chilled when I used to be there...He begged me to try and come down there to live...His girl read the letter I wrote both of the m for their road trip today and she started crying because she missed me too..All 3 of us are like family and it hurts ...He said that he talked to her about me being gay and she was accepting of it and said that makes her love me even moe...The pat they got was a little dirtier than and different than they expected it, but it is still nice nonetheless...we both talked about how undeniably, unbelievably painful the move and the past few days were and he said he needs to get ap hone because hes going to need to call me all the time..He said my voice made him smile and he doesnt miss any of his friends from NYC but me and that he is heartbroken....

I asked him what sites he has seen yet and he said nothing..He said he didnt want to go to the mountains or the strip right away because he was down...He said that when I hang up the phone he is going to be so upset and depressed but I reassured him all will be fine and if they find themselves in a bind or are in trouble, Im always here for them...we ended the call and to be honest...I was a lot stronger than I thought I would be...no crying..not depressed..actually very happy...happy that I have the closest friend I will ever have..our relationship is rare indeed...we know each other inside and out..we read each other well...and we are blood brothers...anyway Ill stop rambling...just an update for those still reading...thank you..Brian

P.S.Hearing from him makes me want to just throw caution to the wind and and just go there..he said he keeping a room in his apartment just for me and that I could live thee for a year or two or more if I have to...its hard to resist that but I do have to keep my head focused on what I need to do...bri

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I fell in love for the first time when I was 25 and he was 23. He was a childhood friend of my future sister-in-law and we met through her. He had just finished a tour of duty with the navy and had come home to visit his parents for a couple of weeks and then return to the city where he had last been stationed because he loved the place and had made many friends there. Once we met, his plans got derailed. He got a job and he stayed for nearly a year. We were together every waking moment. Sometimes we would sit in the car and talk until 3:00 AM. We told each other everything, except for the most important part Ė how we felt about each other.
When he finally decided that he was leaving he asked me to go with him, still not talking about love, only friendship. I declined I remember my sister-in-law dropped by the day after he told me he was leaving and she knew immediately that he had told me because my eyes were swollen from crying.
I didnít go with him because I was afraid. I knew how I felt about him and I was afraid to talk about it. I also feared that if I relocated to be with him, he would dump me once he knew how I felt. We thought we were in the closet when the truth is everyone could see what was I going on, except us. I learned later that my mother had told her best friend that I was leaving with him.
He asked me to drive him to the airport and when I went to pick him up, his mother asked me to have a cup of coffee with her in the kitchen because she wanted to talk to me. She said the following as closely as I can remember: ďWhy donít you with him? Before he went away to the navy I was always worried about the company he kept. Since he got back and has been with you, heís been happy and I never worry. Now, I worry about him moving so far away and being by himself. If you went with him, Iíd know that he has someone who loves him and would look out for him.Ē
After I dropped him off, I was so blinded by tears that I had an accident on my home.
We remained friends with contact becoming less frequent over the years. I saw him a few times when he returned for visits. Eventually, through letters, we talked about what might have been. Iíve led a good life but letting him go has been my single greatest regret and I still cry when I think of it 30 years later, as Iím doing now.
My advice is talk to your friend. There is the risk of losing him if you do, although, from what youíve said, I think the probability is low. You will certainly lose him if you donít.

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Originally Posted by halubtsi

You're right, it does sound like drama from a book...but that's what love does...That's how powerful love is. Can't you see that he's yours? He's your best friend. He loves you. So, he's going to be far away...We live in an age of instantaneous communication. We can bridge huge distances in nanoseconds. Your best friend will always be just a phone call away.

And this talk about not being able to carry on? You love this guy and he loves you! You don't need to be strong, but look at what you've got! You should be happy that you have love reciprocated. Your friendship is based on love, and no amount of distance or even time will break your bond. Though he won't be with you in person, he'll be with you in spirit. And in 6 months, you'll be together again. Hold on to your love and hold on to hope. It'll get you through.

The post I'm responding to is days old, but the thought is timeless.
Dude, you have a treasure I can't even imagine; I cry my heart out every time I read about you and your friend. My best buddy inherited a ranch and had to move halfway across the country to claim it, but what I have/had with him doesn't hold a candle to what you've got.
In all the horror of my coming out experience(s), I often think "I can't carry on". When my brain is functioning in the least, I remember Eric; I don't even have to call, and I know... just a little bit more, I can do.
People pray with 110% of their being for what you've got. Wherever this goes, remember you have a treasure more valuable than the universe itself.

Now I gotta wipe my tears, and finish catching up with this.

"Thirty-one* states allow all qualified citizens to carry concealed weapons. In those states, homosexuals should embark on organized efforts to become comfortable with guns, learn to use them safely and carry them. They should set up Pink Pistols task forces, sponsor shooting courses and help homosexuals get licensed to carry. And they should do it in a way that gets as much publicity as possible. "

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Originally Posted by LostVegas

I am so sad. Some of you may be sick of hearing it. I think Im sick of typing it..But I cant stop feeling it.. I missed my buddy's call and he left me a message..He said the prepaid phone he got was crapping out..and that hes in Nebraska right now and he will call me when he gets to Vages...he paused and he said "I miss you a lot bri.." and I just lost it and I am losing it now..I want him back here now...Im not feeling well right now..I miss my buddy's presence so much it literally is hurting my gut...I dont know what to do..bri

Dude.... I know these feelings. With my best bud in Indiana and me on the shores of the Pacific, and no new buds to replace the assholes I lost when I came out, the loneliness hits me in the gut, in my chest....
I gotta thank you for this whole thing. I see myself in you, in a smaller way. I never really realized how much I miss my best bud till I started reading this. If your wrods here help me just a little in being more open with my best bud 'cause I understand myself and my feelings for him better, you've done a wonderful thing sharing all this

Okay -- you've done a wonderful thing; I couldn't keep going, so I just used the very practical thing called a cell phone and let my buddy know I REALLY really miss him.

I can't say what to do. When I miss Eric bad, I never know what to do either. Just, hang in there, and remember the toiuches and hugs that told you he really cares. Remember, too, that there's some of us who really do understand, and are with you.

"Thirty-one* states allow all qualified citizens to carry concealed weapons. In those states, homosexuals should embark on organized efforts to become comfortable with guns, learn to use them safely and carry them. They should set up Pink Pistols task forces, sponsor shooting courses and help homosexuals get licensed to carry. And they should do it in a way that gets as much publicity as possible. "

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Originally Posted by Kulindahr

I can't say what to do. When I miss Eric bad, I never know what to do either. Just, hang in there, and remember the toiuches and hugs that told you he really cares. Remember, too, that there's some of us who really do understand, and are with you.

Kul..and Meg..thank you so much for the responses..Im glad Im touching some people here and making them rethink a little bit more about the friends they keep or they friends they dont keep and have lost touch with...When I came out to him I started laughing almost when I listened to his reaction...I simply could not believe what a wonderful friend that fate and God as given me...Im not a strict religious guy and I cannot ever claim to know what lies beyond us..but something so magical brought us together and while I know that sounds so dramatic it really is true and something we both always said to each other all the time..the coincidences of our meeting and who we are as people are too many to list...

just got off the phone with him and he said things are ok and he kept repeating that he missed me and its not the same here in Vegas without me..I repeated his sentiments as it is tough here too....He said he will call me everyday and try to call 2 times a day...I tried to change the subject by asking how his girl is doing but all he could say was I miss you...and right before he hung up the phone..I said Ill talk to you later if not tomorrow....and he goes Brian I love you..and I go **** I miss you so much, goodbye....

I know its over and done with and my crush over him is waning a little....there is something that always stuck in my mind....My friend knew I was gay way before I told him..in fact just after we first met...I knew it..He knew it...no one ever mentioned it till I came out to him....My question that I ask myself is that hes such a tough guy Italian an he has such stereotypical Brooklyn friends that I cant believe he got this close to me...What I guess Im trying to say is that he knew I was gay and we still did things like sleep in the same room night after night while his girl slept next door..and we shared a room on a cruise in some hotels(no big deal I know) and we often wrestled alot, purple nurples and all even as late as last week...Im sorry for saying this..I know some are rolling there eyes and saying move on already..but to be truthful a small piece of me will always be in love with him..I think if you guys ever met him, you'd find it hard not be smitten too...thanks Brian

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Mini-update 2.5....my bro called me back and left a massage, I was out walking my dog Dante(Shiba Inu if you must know ) and he said that Im sorry I missed you and Im sorry Im calling you a lot today, I just want to call you every chance I get, I miss you Bri..speak to you later......dont know what Id do without him..he also said hes going to try and work on a plan to get me out there..heh...thanks brian

P.S.-Been getting hit with a snow storm here in NYC doesnt look like its sticking but its coming down heavy..thank god Im inside with Dante all bundled up and just relaxing...talk to you all soon..Brian

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Originally Posted by ummagumma

LV, have you considered moving to Vegas? If you have school or other obligations you should take care of those first, but if nothing's holding you back, go for it!

I moved halfway across the country for my best friend. It sucked moving away from my friends/family back home, but we are so close and so important to each other that after a while, it just got to the point where *not* moving wasn't really an option. I've never regretted it for a second..some people are just worth that kind of effort.

Im really considering moving out there sooner than I planned..as of recently my plan was to move Summer 2007..but I dont know if I could last here that long..I DO know I will have to be here till late summer a least of this year because I am currently finishing my Masters on Education and Special Education..thanks for talking..Brian

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian,

I'm glad all is going well for you. I haven't posted on your thread in a couple of days...hoping that you'd get over the initial shock and start seeing a few things. From looking at a post of yours from earlier today, I think your light bulb is starting to light up.

You're so right about your VERY CLOSE relationship with him, even when he has known that you're gay. But consider this:

Remember the last couple of nights he was with you. He said 'be who you are and let no one take that from you'. He also said ' Don't let someone force you to be someone you're not'. It sounds to me as though he is saying, "Don't let yourself live in the hell of being in the closet to please others like I'm doing."

Also, he ACTUALLY played a MADONNA song and said this song 'reminds me of us'!!!! Brian, that is very, very, gay!

Plus, he goes around telling you 'I Love You' all the time. No self-respecting straight guy is gonna go around saying that to even his best buddy.

He has moved away with this girl and is getting into a very serious relationship with her that is going to be miserable. Next, he may enter into an unhappy marriage, that will end in a very sad divorce, uneccessarily hurting her, because he can't admit he's gay.

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Originally Posted by mike0501

Brian,

I'm glad all is going well for you. I haven't posted on your thread in a couple of days...hoping that you'd get over the initial shock and start seeing a few things. From looking at a post of yours from earlier today, I think your light bulb is starting to light up.

You're so right about your VERY CLOSE relationship with him, even when he has known that you're gay. But consider this:

Remember the last couple of nights he was with you. He said 'be who you are and let no one take that from you'. He also said ' Don't let someone force you to be someone you're not'. It sounds to me as though he is saying, "Don't let yourself live in the hell of being in the closet to please others like I'm doing."

Also, he ACTUALLY played a MADONNA song and said this song 'reminds me of us'!!!! Brian, that is very, very, gay!

Plus, he goes around telling you 'I Love You' all the time. No self-respecting straight guy is gonna go around saying that to even his best buddy.

He has moved away with this girl and is getting into a very serious relationship with her that is going to be miserable. Next, he may enter into an unhappy marriage, that will end in a very sad divorce, uneccessarily hurting her, because he can't admit he's gay.

I certainly think that your feelings for him are mutual.

Mike

I agree with you. I've thought(since I started reading this post) that maybe he's just as in love with you(Brian) as much as you are with him. Maybe he's just ignorant to the whole being with another guy thing. Maybe he just doesn't know how to convey his feelings. Maybe he loves you but just think its wrong to be with another guy and maybe ashamed to admit or feel that way.

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Originally Posted by tpeezy101

I agree with you. I've thought(since I started reading this post) that maybe he's just as in love with you(Brian) as much as you are with him. Maybe he's just ignorant to the whole being with another guy thing. Maybe he just doesn't know how to convey his feelings. Maybe he loves you but just think its wrong to be with another guy and maybe ashamed to admit or feel that way.

I dont know what to say...I obsess over the situation between us much much less...Im still riding high over his reaction and suspect I will for a while if not for life...All in our friendship he would do and say a lot of things that are not typical for a straight guy to say to another guy(especially when he knew I was either gay or bi)...so he did leave me with some mixed messages..either intentionally or not....I know it is silly to point these things out and to wonder about them..considering that he is the only one that knows the answer to it....He jokingly said when I came out, that he was afraid that I might have a crush on him and he said even if I did he wouldnt be mad but thats just not his thing...and after I said buddy..you dont have to worry, you are not my type anyway....hah!! lied through my teeth on that one...and then he said THANK GOD...I dont know...all I CAN say is , that sometimes thinking about that possibility of a chance between us seems exotic and exciting and awesome..but then I think hes been possibility girl 8 years 3 of which hes engaged to her..he takes this girl..who he always calls his wife constantly two move to Vegas not once, but twice..I can never see him ending that even if he was gay or bi...In fact if he is gay or bi I think he gets so much out of my relationship with him...with this..brotherly bond etc..that he feels maybe he can be able to stay with her as long as Im there...this is just me now speaking..but it seemed to me that he was just going with the flow before I came along...and now maybe hes hesitant to get married...but then he talks of having babies with his girl...and then he used to talk to me about some sexual encounters he had with women....and he always honks his horn at the ladies and typical male stuff..so maybe Im just totally wrong on this...thanks for posting guys..Brian..

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Human Sexuality is a very "Tricky" Thing! I've read, and agreed with, many Threads, right "Here", about Sexuality being a Sliding Scale type of "deal". And, yet, We are all raised to believe it is "Black or White"! Our reactions are all based on Social Expectations that may, or may not, be True!! And what We are reacting to is solely based on what we THINK others might Think! All of which is based on our own experiences being judged by other's reactions, based on what They Think WE are Thinking!! What a tangled Web we weave!! ...

So ... what can We Truly Believe?

Based on what You've told us ... Your "Bro" is "into" other Humans! As are We ALL!! And He is Definitely "INTO" YOU!! But ... doesn't really have a Clue as to how He "Should" deal with that! After all, He's SUPPOSED to be really feeling "Tight" with His Girl! BUT ... You come along and He finds Himself "Closer" to YOU! What the Heck should He do NOW?

Actually ... "The Answer" is fairly "Easy"! Fall back on the Stereotypes He has been raised to be "Comfortable" with! In other words, He is desparately trying to maintain that which He has been Taught to Believe He SHOULD Be! I'm sure He's feeling very "Generous" in "Accepting YOU for Who YOU are!", while maintaining His own sense of "But that's not Me!" When, in fact, that's probably NOT the case, at All!!

I sense He may also be a bit "Scared" about what He is Truly Feeling for YOU! To the Point of, perhaps, not being totally Honest with YOU! I mean ... He does have quite a bit of Time, and Effort, "Invested" in His Girl! (And His Italian Image!!) To admit He might be "more" than "Mentally" attracted to YOU would "automatically" go against all of that! And, therefore, we have the Joking, and "Playing Around" Reactions!

In "Short" ... and an attempt to bring this rambling to a swift close ... I think that should the "Right" Situation present itself, YOU may find a very "Willing", probably Naked, and Very HOT Italian Guy snuggling up to YOU as Close as He can Get!!

But ... I diverge! The IMPORTANT "Thing" here is what the Two of You FEEL for each other! And from the sound of it, this is something to be Cherished beyong Words! And ... something that will "Be There" for the rest of Your LIVES! No matter What!!

The Time apart will move swiftly enough! And no matter what may transpire between Him and His Girl, YOU will remain a Central Part of His Life! (As HE will in YOURS!)

Be WELL, LV! Take care of those things that You must! Keep Your Eye "On The Ball", as "They" say. And ALL things shall come to the point that has been "Meant to Be" from the Start!

And, of course ...

Keep smilin'!!
Ky

WISDOM is the Knowledge you've gained ... After you could have used it!_Me

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Keep in mind that you may be totally wrong in reading his very close friendship with you as any sort of gay love. he might just be a really caring guy. you folks are obviously best friends and sometimes best friends are really that close.

i think it'll get easier for you everyday. do not throw you furture plans to the wind just to get down there a bit faster. if you are close to finishing your masters (like this summer) just finish it and then go. I know you said something about summer of 2007, but i'm not sure what is holding you there past finishing your masters this summer, unless i misunderstood and you don't finish till next summer. but anyway...keep he in your thoughts, but don't obsess over him or not being with him. keep him close but not so close he is all you can think of. time will pass and then you'll be able to go down. "they" say that which doesn't break us only makes us stronger and i believe that.

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Thank you all for the advice..I will definitely be heeding some of it and taking others into consideration....I guess when is all said and done he is straight, and its only up to him to tell me otherwise..and so far he has told me he is straight...so as another poster stated in another thread..if he says hes straight..than I have to respect that and believe that he is...I guess its just my heart that wont let go of him in that way that makes it tricky...

I just got off the phone with him and him and his girl were at a gas station getting gas and then they were heading out to eat something....they both told me how decent it is going and how happy they are..which is cool..but at the same time..I'm jealous..I should be out there...that was the plan from a year ago..but things change I guess...Im pretty sad right now...I do not pretend to know what makes me down so quick after I talk to him or happy so quick when I hear from him sometimes...

I do still love him in that "beyond a friend" type way..hes such a perfect match for me...maybe its my refusal to think that I could ever find someone who is such a good match for me...I do not know...I have always wondered where and when I will meet my guy..I am not into the gay scene, bars etc....and I know soilwork suggested joining an organization or a club in some of his threads...so maybe I'll do that..I broke down crying juts a little when I was talking to him..but his girl was there so he was just kind of "there" for me saying it will be ok..he was not like he usually is...Hes different around her...In a way I dont like when shes around when I talk to him...was that bad to say? I mean I do love her like a sister..I guess that makes this whole situation a bit harder..both have been accepting of me..and here I want her man..I do feel bad at times..but since I have never acted on it nor actively did anything to break them apart in anyway..in fact when he was always talking to me about leaving her..I was the one who was always pushing him to be with her and stay with her...anyway thanks..talk to you guys soon..brian

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Originally Posted by lawrencebomb

Well that might be a ittle bit odd now that you love him. But in the same time, I really do admire you Lv(Brian) not ony your really touching friendship but your attitude as well. I mean like you are reallyyyy an angel. You not only supported your love to not leave his GF but stickwth her s well! I am really touched!You are totally different from me. I am really an asshole.

Hey whats up man?.....Im sorry that you relationship with your friend didnt turn out as well...maybe its not too late to call him and repair some things?? I must admit, at times it was pretty hard not to want him or wish them to break up or even try to stoke the fire as they say while they constantly fought with each other..but unfortunately/fortunately...heh..I took the higher road...but I must admit the thoughts I have sometimes are just too overwhelming to me..anyway we are having just about one of the worst snow storms ever here in NYC ..so Ill be in all day catching up on the forums...look foward to talking with some of you today..peace..Bri

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Wow..couldnt help but post here again....I was just listenign to a song by Alanis Morissette and it reminded me so much of my buddy and our friendship..it is called UNSENT..in my mind I take out the others guys names and put my bro's in and it touches me so much...for those of you unfamiliar with it..here are the lyrics..enjoy..talk to you soon..brian

Dear Matthew, I like you a lot.
I realize youíre in a relationship with someone right now,
And I respect that.
I would like you to know that if youíre ever single in the future,
And you want to come visit me in california,
I would be open to spending time with you,
And finding out how old you were when you wrote your first song.

Dear Jonathan, I liked you too much.
I used to be attracted to boys who would lie to me,
And think solely about themselves,
And you were plenty self-destructive for my taste at the time.
I used to say the more tragic the better.
The truth is, whenever I think of the early 90ís,
Your face comes up with a vengeance like it was yesterday.

Dear Terrance, I love you muchly.
Youíve been nothing but open hearted,
And emotionally available and supportive,
And nurturing, and consummately there for me.
I kept drawing you in and pushing you away,
I remember how beautiful it was to fall asleep on your couch,
And cry in front of you for the first time.
You were the best platform from which to jump beyond myself.
What was wrong with me?

Dear Marcus, you rocked my world.
You had a charismatic way about you with the woman,
And you got me seriously thinking about spirituality.
And you wouldnít let me get away with kicking my own ass.
But I could never really feel relaxed,
And looked out for around you, though,
And that stopped us from going any further than we did.
And itís kinda too bad,
Because we couldíve had much more fun.

Dear Lou, we learned so much.
I realize we wonít be able to talk for some time,
And I understand that as I do you.
The long distance thing was the hardest,
And we did as well as we could.
We were together during a very tumultuous time in our lives.
I will always have your back and be curious about you,
About your career,
Your whereabouts.

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Ok the snow was fun a all pretty for a little while now its old and I want it out of here!!

Ok small update..has major problems with family today that in some way affected my bro.I gave him one of my credit cards to have in case of an emergency and he used it for some gas and groceries and the card company called my old house where my parents are and my mom found out and went ballistic...see my family hates my buddy and is jealous over how close I am to him, they think he uses me based on stuff they heard...and this news didnt help..yeah yeah im 29 but yes my mother still gets all over me! specially with money issues..we were raised to be very fiscal and responsible with anything regarding money and credit ratings and securing a good job..whole family works for the City of NYC...but anyway I went through hell today then went through more hell trying to track him down..finally did and he was upset..I told him my mom freaked and cancelled the card cause she thought it was stolen..he called me back 3 times saying hes sorry for the trouble he caused..and said hes so mad that my mom doesnt see him as a good person..he said I miss you brian and I wish you were here..he also said that he was very upset..I told him "bro..take a look outside...see that palm tree? smile dammit! you're in vegas.." he goes "fuck all of this if your not here..ill try and call you later and if not Ill speak to you tomorrow"...I then hung up, between shoveling and this drama Im bout fixing to relax..Brian

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

wow thats just an amazing story. i had goodfriends in the past but i would love to have a friend like yours like larwance im like that i would get jealous of a friend when they meet someone and try to get rid them. but my question is how do u manage with a guy u really like and put up with him and his girlfriend?

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Originally Posted by ok455

wow thats just an amazing story. i had goodfriends in the past but i would love to have a friend like yours like larwance im like that i would get jealous of a friend when they meet someone and try to get rid them. but my question is how do u manage with a guy u really like and put up with him and his girlfriend?

Hey...it is very hard and very tricky ...hard because hes obviously attached to this girl and talks about the future they will have etc...and so it seems hes very straight I guess...and then there is the tricky part..the mixed signals I get...and the mind games and the head games and the fact that even though Im into him, I have to respect his relationship..because thats what I would want someone to do for me if I was with someone I loved....i don't know.....its still hard everyday..I still have a thing for him and I suspect I will have one for quite some time..brian