Pregnant Again After Miscarriage or Other Pregnancy Loss

Forging ahead with pregnancy after a miscarriage, stillbirth, or other loss.

Losing your baby at any stage can be devastating, and the fear of it happening again may tempt you to forgo trying to have another child. Fear, anxiety, and dread are all normal responses after a period of loss and grief. But if you're committed to having a baby and want to try again after miscarriage, there are ways to control your anxiety and remain optimistic:

Consult your doctor. Before you try to conceive again, discuss your concerns with your physician. Make sure you have his or her blessing; you'll want your practitioner to be your partner all along the way. Not only will you be able to resolve any lingering questions about what happened before, you'll also be comforted by the fact that your doctor is confident that you can and should try again.

Manage your expectations. Once you've conceived, don't be surprised if you're not bursting at the seams with the usual excitement. It's natural for you to feel stress along with hope and to be wary of feeling too confident — or too joyful. You're protecting yourself from feeling too happy too quickly, because if something were to go wrong, the disappointment would be so devastating. The wounds from your loss will never vanish, so be kind to yourself — and patient with yourself — when your new pregnancy stirs up a wide range of emotions, not all of them positive.

Calm down. While it's natural to feel apprehensive, try to remember that this pregnancy — and everything that lies ahead — is different from the previous one or ones. As you reach each milestone, from hearing the heartbeat, completing the first trimester, seeing the ultrasound, and beyond — you can be reassured that things are progressing well. You may not breathe easily until you pass the point at which you lost a previous pregnancy; that's completely normal. Try to focus your energy on staying peaceful, and you're likely to connect emotionally to this new pregnancy with the same devotion you had once before. Take it one day at a time. Try some relaxation exercises or visualization to help keep you tranquil; sign up for a prenatal yoga class, or consider complementary and alternative therapies that can help you relax (such as massage, acupuncture or biofeedback). Share your fears with your partner so you can support each other. And talk to your practitioner frequently to allay your ongoing concerns.

Allow yourself to bond. Some women, once again pregnant but still healing from the grief of a previous loss, try to protect themselves by refusing to get too attached to the new unborn baby. That's not surprising, since the loss was so great and the idea of enduring that again too much to bear. But being a parent means being brave enough to open your heart to whatever may come — joy, fear, anticipation, loss, and everything in between — so that you are touched in ways you never imagined. It's a terrifying, fantastic journey, and you have embarked on it once again. So try not to deny yourself the ability to feel — which means experiencing the whole lot — and let your feelings blossom as you connect emotionally with the new life inside you.

View Sources

What to Expect When You're Expecting, 5th edition, Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel.