‘I, Frankenstein:” It’s alive and it’s awful

From the cheesy visuals, to the lifeless performances, to some of the weirdest action sequences ever put on screen, “I, Frankenstein” truly is a horror movie, as in “horr-ific”. It’s already a lock for many Worst Movies of 2014 lists - and may contend for #1 on the strength of its title alone. Aaron Eckhart takes-on the role of the iconic monster in this adaptation of a graphic novel. So much for an Original Screenplay Oscar nomination.

“I” begins with a “Frankenstein” backstory, not completely true to the Mary Shelley classic: In the 1790s, mad scientist Victor Frankenstein creates a creature out of parts from a variety of corpses and brings it to life. He then tries to destroy his creation (after not giving it the partner it desires). But the monster takes revenge by killing Victor’s new wife. Victor attempts to find and kill the monster, but freezes to death instead. A group of gargoyles take Frankenstein in, re-naming him (no longer “it”) Adam, and some evil demons soon get involved. Yes, believe it or not, the gargoyles are the good guys here.

Some 200 years later (claiming he “lost track of time”), Adam-Stein returns to modern-day England, where a pair of scientists (one blond, one wacky) are trying to duplicate Victor Frankenstein’s success in bringing the dead back to life. When their paths cross with Frankie, the demons and the gargoyles get into the act, and literally all Hell breaks loose.

Advertisement

There’s not much to praise about “I, Frankenstein”, except that it’s mercifully short (only 90 minutes). I laughed a little, thanks to the unintentionally corny dialogue and cheap effects. But this movie’s not campy enough to qualify as a guilty pleasure. And at times it’s simply agony watching Eckhart trying to portray the agony of this legendary character. The filmmakers didn’t even attempt to make him look like the Frankenstein monster. We simply get Eckhart with make-up scars.

Strahovski (TV’s “Chuck”) gives a frighteningly bad performance as Terra, the good scientist, love-interest (and potential “Bride”?). And Nighy gets the award for the most blank stares in a single film. I’m sure he had even more when he attended the premiere.

LCJ Rating: D

Also In Theaters

“Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit” (PG-13) Reignites series. B+

“Lone Survivor” (R) Honorable; inspirational. B

“Inside Llewyn Davis” (R) Solid Coen Bros. drama. B

“August: Osage County” (R) A dysfunctional mess. C-

“Her” (R) Extreme online dating. C+

“The Wolf of Wall Street” (R) Wild, crazy, pointless. D+

“Nebraska” (R) Dern, Forte shine. A-

“American Hustle” (R) Smart, slick, sophisticated fun. A-

“Saving Mr. Banks” (PG-13) Practically perfect in every way. A

“Frozen” (PG) An instant Disney classic. A

For all of LCJ’s reviews go to lights-camera-jackson.com and follow him on Twitter @LCJReviews.