the wanderings and wonderings of a grateful work in progress

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Monthly Archives: July 2018

I woke up singing this morning. I love it when that happens. Today it was EVEN IF (by Mercy Me) and I woke singing it as a prayer about a lot of things going in right now.

My prayer lust is full right now. Yes, that third word was supposed to be “list” but I guess even autoINcorrect gets a score every now and then. (eye roll!) The list isn’t a physical thing so much as a running conversation with God about all kinds of things: the health issues of friends and family, the state of our world, upcoming speaking and teaching opportunities, the women who will attend these events, questions about the future, and SO many other requests that are full of details that are “too personal to share” but have been anyway because the hurt was too deep for someone to carry any further.

The trust of these requests always gets to me. That someone would open up that way and be so vulnerable to one who can’t fix anything, but knows the One who can fix everything…it can be a weighty honor at times. And then I remember: I can’t fix it, but my job is to simply take it to Jesus with them. It is the ultimate privilege to walk out Galatians 6:2 and help shoulder a burden that has become too heavy to bear alone.

Today, this weight was both reinforced and lifted as I read Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:3-10, and found myself and my prayer list all over again in each of these verses.

Blessed? Blessed when we’re down, when we mourn, when we hunger and thirst for righteousness, when there’s a need for the merciful and the peacemakers in the midst of such a lack of the same? Yes. Blessed. Blessed because when we bring these needs and these hurts to Jesus we don’t have to leave as we came.

We are changed even if our circumstances aren’t immediately altered. We leave strengthened for the work, armed for the battle, and confident in the knowledge that we are neither alone, nor following a directionless leader, but One whose plan is for our ultimate good and whose love for us is without end.

I am greedy for that knowledge today! I am greedy for you to know it, too. I am greedy for the answers to be swift and easy even as I know that it will not always be that way. I am greedy for the things we learn IN and BECAUSE of the trials that will make us more like Jesus and help us pray for others when they are hurting, as well. I am greedy for the celebrations over answered prayers and I am greedy for the witness that will come as a result.

In short (even though this has been long!–grin), I am greedy for God to show up and show out in us today no matter where we find ourselves and I am greedy for it to truly be well with our souls.

Grace and peace—and many, many prayers!

EVEN IF (sung by Mercy Me)

They say sometimes you win some
Sometimes you lose some
And right now, right now I’m losing bad
I’ve stood on this stage night after night
Reminding the broken it’ll be alright
But right now, oh right now I just can’t

It’s easy to sing
When there’s nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I’m held to the flame
Like I am right now

I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Well good thing
A little faith is all I have, right now
But God, when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Oh give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul

I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

You’ve been faithful, You’ve been good
All of my days
Jesus, I will cling to You
Come what may
‘Cause I know You’re able
I know You can

I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

“We seem to have lost the gift of patience, of waiting for time to unfold its story.”~Mary Irish

I found this quote today and I love it! Too accurate by far, it reminds me, most unfortunately, of myself! Patience has never been one of my virtues. I like things to happen when I want them to happen–and so, dear friend, do you. (right?)

The one place I’m most content to practice the “gift of patience” is out in the garden. I love counting days by what’s in bloom and what stage this plant was or it will be by the next year or season. After being back in Georgia for a little over four years, I’m better acquainted with my surroundings, the timing, the expectations, the new growth, the dying back, and the filling out of this place.

I like to wait at least a year before I start making too many changes just so I can see what’s already in a place before I begin to add in the things that make me call a garden “home” and take away those things that don’t add to that particular comfort. I agree entirely with Sydney Eddison,when she says, “Gardens are a form of autobiography.”

That’s absolutely true for me and as I think about the parts of my autobiography that are left in all of the different places I’ve lived, it makes me smile. Oh, I’m aware that none of it is just like I left it. That’s as it should be! Someone else is the caretaker now in each of those places, but when I ride by and see the maples that we planted grown strong and tall in the yard of our first home, see the roses or ornamental grasses grown tall there to the side of that place, and the herb garden grown more mature and permanent at that one…well, it’s a part of my story even now just the same as it is for those who were there and planted before me.

I think about the plant gifts that have gone with me as I left for new places and the ones I’ve sent out into the world where others have also come and gone–it’s good to share beauty, you know?! I don’t need a whole lot in this world, but beauty can always find a home out in the garden. This morning was no exception, so I snapped a few shots and fulfilled the quote below electronically. I hope you’ll enjoy them, too

“I thought about giving you a bouquet of flowers, but then I thought, why don’t I take you and show you the garden instead with all the beautiful flowers in it.” ~Anthony Hincks

Grace and Peace, Everyone! Just enjoy the beauty and ignore the weeds! (That’s pretty good advice for just about everything! grin)

I recently got an email from Pinterest with “18 Mental Health Pins” for me to investigate.

How did they know?!

Seriously. I’ve been struggling a little bit because I’ve just “lost” almost a whole month…yes, a month. Gone. Just. Like. That (snaps fingers).

It all started the day I was transplanting the magic beans and managed to hurt my back. Yes, magic beans. At least that’s what my Uncle called them when he shared them with me a few months ago. Actually, I think they’re called hyacinth beans, but I like that magic beans thing better. (Insert silly kid Grin here.)

Anyway! The beans got transplanted, the back muscles suddenly went into DEEEEEP spasms with (thank you, God!!!) no disc involvement and I began what has been quite a long recovery process. It really wasn’t how I saw my July happening, you know?

I’ve said it for years: I’m the most blessed person I know. Still true. Absolutely positive about that…and yet…I will admit without any wiggle room whatsoever that I am a horrid patient. Because I’m not. Patient, that is.

Sitting still, moving slowly, reconsidering even simple chores, letting things go, ASKING FOR HELP!–All of these things make me cringe. They might actually be my top five things to avoid…well…in the top 10, anyway…right after reptiles, rodents, the plague, reptiles (on here twice because I REALLY despise those things!), and cancer.

And yet, this was my month…complete with an adoring husband, kind friends who called and prayed, and a disgruntled cat who was being denied his favorite perch (my lap), and me…being whiny and negative and frustrated because for the first time ever I couldn’t depend on my body to do what I told it to do. That takes some getting used to physically…and mentally, as well.

Interesting things I discovered this month:

the world ran just fine without me.

many, many things happened without my input or my presence.

you can’t even breathe without it affecting your back muscles.

I am not a fan of whiny people…even or ESPECIALLY when it is me.

my husband likes being the caretaker more than being taken care of…for the most part.

it is never a good idea to do a spiritual assessment of yourself when you’re grumpy and in pain.

I am not as far along on that “being ok about giving up control” thing as I would like.

if you have been praying for patience for me, you can stop now. Really. I mean it. Stop it. Now. Feel free to pray for strength and endurance, but let’s just let that patience thing slide on out of the picture, ok? I am serious about this one.

pain can actually make you a more dedicated prayer warrior for others.

God can and will show up and give you stuff to do even when you’re confined to a chair.

sometimes, having Margin is good for situations that you wouldn’t really expect…or want.

chiropractors can actually help with some issues (pardon me if you are one or love one, please. I had never been to one before this month. They were kind and helpful and caring–and Bama fans, which made me smile even though it hurt.)

people in pain are much more sympathetic to others in pain than people who are rarely ill and have abnormally high pain tolerances (me…I’m talking about me although I would REALLY have preferred to find this out a different way, God! BIG eye roll–at ME, again!)

Pinterest, who sent me an earlier email with suggestions for my “RED” board that were 98% YELLOW (?!), might not be the best place to look for mental health tips.

That last one is important. I am much better off talking to God about what ails me–body, mind, or spirit–and counting on the truth of His Word to keep my mind headed in the direction that’s best for me–and you are, too!

“You will keep the mind that is dependent on you in perfect peace, for it is trusting in you.” Isaiah 26:3 (CSB)

As I am recovering, I am feeling the truth of that verse more and more. It’s not over…but neither am I. Returning strength gives me yet another reason for praise, another reminder to pray for those who still need it, and another call to gratitude for all my blessings: physical, spiritual, and mental.

May you be blessed and may you be well…in every respect.

(and BTW, the magic beans are doing just fine…and so is Grace! In fact, she ought to be ready to transplant just in time for the Fall–although someone else may be digging THAT hole! grin)

I’ve written quite a bit about Margin this year. I’ve thought about it even more than I’ve written about it, but I have to say that one of the things I neglected to really think about was the WHY of it…at least until the last couple of weeks, anyway.

Like many of you, I was tired and rundown by the end of last year and, since I knew that God had given me the majority of those assignments (but…let’s be real here, I added plenty of things to my own plate, as well!), I blithely assumed that this call for more Margin was another of His many gifts to me. I still don’t think I’m wrong on that.

I was just so grateful for the call to Margin that I forgot to ask many more questions. Actually, I may have been too tired to ask more questions at that point, but since we’re already into the month of JULY, that means I’ve had some time to give it some thought and…and…but…but…

what if I don’t always like where it might lead? What if it makes me uncomfortable or steps on my toes sometimes?

A few weeks ago I was with a group of friends and as the conversation progressed I noticed that one of them had wandered dangerously into my territory. (wow. that sounds melodramatic, doesn’t it?! HA!) Anyway! She began talking about all the things she wanted to do and she had plenty of fresh ideas and tons of energy and…all of the sudden I started getting a little bit antsy. Didn’t she know I already knew how to do that? Why didn’t she ask me to help? I could make things SO much simpler for her if she’d only ask!

Y’all! It took God about midway through that last sentence-thought in my head to snap me into attention as He LOUDLY in my spirit/headspace reminded me that HE was in charge of things and that MY job was to be obedient to what He was calling me to…and that was NOT what He was calling HER to right then! As clear as day, God said to me,“I am calling you to Margin, but I am loading her plate.”

Let me just stop and mention here that Scripture (in 1 Kings 19:12) tells us that Elijah looked for God in the earthquake and the fire, but found Him in “a still, small voice.” Well. The voice in my headspace was neither still, nor small. It was quick and powerful and full of conviction as God reminded me of my mission and quickly gave instruction about how I was to proceed. MY job, you see, isn’t to be one of DOING in this instance, but to be one of SUPPORTING! MY job is to cheer her on, build her up, pray for her and speak words of encouragement both to her and on her behalf.

And just like that, I settled down. As I did so, it is amazing how much easier it was to listen without all those voices in my head! HA!!

Being on mission with God doesn’t always look the same from the outside and this was the perfect example of that to me. I was instantly made aware (AGAIN!) that

it isn’t my job to do Every Thing,

it IS my job to do what God tells ME to do and support others as they do the same, AND

there will come a time when God chooses to fills my plate again.

That last one is important because it reminded me of ONE of the reasons I need this time of margin: I need to be ‘rested up’ and ready for the next time of heavy assignment.

No matter what mission God has assigned you today–either for margin or the filled plate or somewhere in between–I pray that you are filled with peace and able to hear His voice without your own getting in the way like mine did for a bit. I also pray that if your voice does get in the way, that His will override it with the same quickness and authority that He did with me and that you’ll be just as happy as a bird with a french fry at whatever He has to say.

“Walk in obedience to all that the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live and prosper and prolong your days in the land that you will possess.” Deuteronomy 5:33

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Colossians 3:17

The nation is officially 242 years old today! July 2, 1776 marks the day when the members of the Second Continental Congress actually VOTED their approval of declaring themselves (and, therefore US, the U.S.) as being a separate and free–Independent!– nation.

It was a long time coming, this vote, and two days later, they would finally sign a physical document making their vote something that England’s King George III could read for himself. While the 4th of July is what we celebrate now, back then, John Adams expected us to be celebrating every year on July 2nd…because THAT was when the commitment was made.

July 2nd holds a special place in my heart, as well, and not just because of what you’ve read above, but because a mere 26 years ago, I also made a commitment. My sweet husband asked me to marry him on a beach–when neither of us are beach people!–and with Roman candles that wouldn’t fire–right up until he took out a ring and put it on my hand. THAT was when the rockets finally went off and I made a commitment to be his bride for the rest of my life.

Maybe it should have been an omen, maybe even a warning–for both of us!–but the truth of the matter is that our commitment to each other wasn’t (and still isn’t!) dependent on fireworks or favorite location which, incidentally, is next to each other and not really place-dependent at all. We made a decision to love, honor, and keep each other for the rest of our days…and that’s still going on today.

Today…when he went to work late because he took me to see a doctor and made sure I was taken care of physically before he drove off to make sure we were taken care of financially. Today…when we remembered again that the commitment we made to each other wasn’t dependent on health or wealth or personal happiness, but understood that it brings all of those things to each of us, and so much more.

Some will say this is pointed and, perhaps even a little judgmental, to write these things out loud where the world can see them and publish it when marriage has become a temporary thing to so many, but that’s not the case, at all. Far from it.

THIS is a celebration of the two of us: of deciding the course that God had chosen was best for both of us and OUR decision to follow it through no matter what. THIS is a celebration of stubborn faith and a willingness to hold hands and face whatever God has sent our way together. THIS is a celebration of love that has brought far more TO me than it has ever taken FROM me. THIS is both a benediction to the One who brought us together in the first place and a blessing to the one who shares his life with me so well.

THIS is all about gratitude.

THIS is an anniversary of being committed and staying the course no matter what even before the vows were made official.

With more love and greater grace than I could ever have deserved, God gave me you, my dear husband! For the rings we no longer wear and the vows that we have always kept, I am grateful. For the daily choosing to be the best we can be together–and the knowledge that some days will always go better than others…and for being determined that we keep on trying to make the next one even greater–I am grateful! For all the things we know and have survived–and all that is to come, I choose to be grateful. For laughing with me–and AT me, on occasion, and allowing me that same privilege in return, I am grateful. Thanks for asking the question and for living out the answer every day of the last 26 years! Here’s to many, many more. ILYM&B!!