Judge McClain hands down the verdict on ‘Spring Breakers’

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It’s a good thing I have a close friend, die-hard Titans fan Laray Mayfield – one of the premier casting directors in Hollywood – because how else do you explain me getting a role that called for an older, balding, pudgy judge with a southern accent?

I mean, seriously? What a stretch, huh?

I apologized for not being pudgy when I filmed my scene in the Harmony Korine-directed, super-hot, R-rated flick, Spring Breakers, which is released nationwide today.

It was a difficult shoot – me overseeing a courtroom with James Franco as Alien, a gun-running, corn-row wearing, piano-playing, sex-starved gangsta with an “A” tattooed on his front teeth as well as four bikini-clad actresses – Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Benson and Rachel Korine.

Spring Breakers is my seventh film, and, after Cook County, the only one in which I have lines that weren’t left on the cutting room floor like in The Rookie and Secretariat. And I don’t count the line in The Longest Yard in which eight of us sportswriters shouted, “I can’t believe he (bleeped) himself,” after a particularly hard hit.

I filmed my scene in Spring Breakers in March of 2012. I was flown to St. Petersburg, Fla., picked up at the airport and taken to my hotel. That night, I called David Pomes – the talented writer and director of Cook County – and asked him for advice. He told me something invaluable, something I’d never thought about.

Give the director something different every time the scene is shot, Pomes said. Don’t do it the same way, no matter how many takes. Give the director – and the film’s editor – a lot to choose from.

I was told to be in the lobby the next morning at 9:42. I was there at 9:40 in my suit and tie. I told the wardrobe director I knew what to wear, and as long as she found me a triple-X black robe, we’d be good to go.

I was driven to the base camp in St. Pete and given my trailer with Judge on the name plate. I spent a couple of hours going over my lines in my trailer, and then they told me were packing up and heading to Bradenton to shoot the scene in a court room.

I was chauffeured to Bradenton – with my trailer close behind. They parked our trailers in a lot next to the court house. After about 30 minutes, I got the call, “Judge, you’re up.”

I was led into the court house and up an elevator. The wardrobe people put on my microphone, and the second director led me into the jam-packed courtroom. Everyone was waiting for the judge.

Now, this was the first film in which I didn’t know the producer and hadn’t met with the director ahead of time. It also was the first film I did in which nobody had a clue I was a sportswriter from the Houston Chronicle. All anyone knew is that I was an older, balding, pudgy “actor” with a southern accent.

When I got on the bench and looked around the court room, I saw James Franco, four bikini-clad girls and director Harmony Korine. He and his wife, Rachel, reside in Nashville. As many trips as I’ve made to Nashville over the last 16 years I’m surprised our paths had never crossed, but they hadn’t.

Anyway, Korine wanted to rehearse my scene, and when he called action, I couldn’t look at the girls. I felt like a pervert. Korine called, ‘Cut!” and said, “Judge, you can’t say our lines without looking at the girls.”

I joked to friends that I’d make sure we had 50 takes. I think we had 53. It took 8 ½ hours. I think I messed up three times, which caused us to do the scene again.

The scene is short. The four girls have spent the night in jail – in their bikinis – and they’re shivering in my court room. They’re tired and cold, but I don’t take pity on them. They don’t have money for bail, and I send them back to the slammer. Then, Alien – Franco – bails them out.

That’s when the film heats up. That’s when the fun begins. That’s when they become bad, bad girls with Alien.

I had fun. I mean, who wouldn’t under those circumstances? Gomez, who has a dog named Baylor, Hudgens, Benson and Korine were incredibly patient and very professional. And, obviously, very, very attractive.

Harmony Korine, who’s getting so much well-deserved praise for this film, is in demand for his next film.

We rode back to St. Petersburg together at the end of the day. They spent most of their time texting and tweeting when they weren’t shooting. They dropped me off at my hotel. I thanked them for making my job so easy. The next day, I was picked up and taken to the airport.

And to think: I got paid for those three days. SAG scale.

I’m so excited to see the movie. The New York Times and the Los Angles Times are among the newspapers, magazines and websites giving Spring Breakers positive reviews.

Check it out and let me know if you think I should be nominated for that new Oscars category – supporting, supporting, supporting, supporting actor!