Apple's history of smack-talk and corporate trolling

In the past week, Apple's Tim Cook era has been marked with its first major acquisition and its first major diss. We got a
kick out of Cook's Monday WWDC statements about Windows 8 and
Android -- not as fanboys, but because we get a kick out of
tech titan squabbles. The moment presented us an opportunity
to remember some of Apple's most notable smack-talk and
trolling statements over the past 30 years. Dust off those old
turtlenecks and dated Longhorn references.

2014: Android is a "toxic hellstew" and "a
mistake"

After describing Mavericks adoption at this year's WWDC, Cook took a quick jab
at Microsoft: "You may wonder how that compares to Windows," he
said before showing a pie chart indicating 14 percent of Windows
users have upgraded to Windows 8. Mavericks, released one year
later, boasts 51 percent of OS X users.

That was nothing compared to his later WWDC shots at the Android
platform though. After announcing that 130 million
customers bought their first iPhones this year, he hinted to a
large (though unconfirmed) percentage of those being Android
departures. "They had bought an Android phone by mistake and then
had sought a better experience and a better life," Cook said.
Following that, Cook boasted about iPhone security with a
statistical comparison and a nasty quote from ZDNet: "Android
fragmentation is turning devices into a toxic hellstew of
vulnerabilities," he gleefully read aloud, as if a couched quote
gave him a buffer.

2012: A phone should "fit in your hand"

Phil Schiller didn't call Samsung out by name when describing
the iPhone 5 during its September 2012 reveal event, but when asked why the phone
was only lengthened, not widened, he asserted Apple's design
philosophy in no uncertain terms: "It's because of your hand. It
should fit there. That's how we designed the iPhone 5." Apple
historically hasn't called Samsung out by name, however, unless it
comes in the form of a lawsuit summons.

2010: Android is "fragmented" and
"disingenuous"

During an October 2010 Apple earnings call, Steve Jobs made a rare vocal appearance, and he took the
opportunity to slam the newly burgeoning Android ecosystem. At the
time, he described Google as "disingenuous" for calling its
marketplace "open" and Apple's "closed," then Jobs explained the
fragmentation that would result from issues like carriers
installing their own software layers and third parties launching
separate app stores. "This is going to be a mess for both users and
developers. We believe integrated will trump fragmented every
time."

During this call, Jobs also said competing Android tablets would
be "dead on arrival" when facing off against the iPad, and he
famously mocked 7" tablets by saying "this size isn't sufficient to
create great tablet apps." (The iPad mini followed two years later.)

2010: Bloomberg is "a crock,"The New York Timesis
"making this stuff up"

Remember the iPhone 4's reception woes? Antennagate was bad enough to necessitate a bumper distribution
plan and a last-minute press conference, and at the latter, Jobs aimed
his mercurial lens at the media. He called public reaction
"overblown," then added, "it's just human nature -- when you see
someone get successful, you just want to tear it down."

When asked pointedly about a Bloomberg report that Jobs had been
warned in advance about antenna issues, Jobs called the report "a
crock." When asked about another report about more incoming fixes,
Jobs said, "Go talk to the [New York] Times, because you
guys talk to yourselves a lot. They're just making this stuff
up."

He even mocked stressed-out shareholders, reminding them that
this event was a mere blip: "To investors who bought the stock and
are down by $5 (£3) [a share], I have no apology."

2007: "Versions" of OS X

When introducing the release of OS X Leopard in 2007, Steve
Jobs had some fun describing the pricing model for the upgrade's
"editions." Of course, only one version of Leopard came out,
but that didn't stop Jobs from listing basic, premium, business,
enterprise, and ultimate versions of OS X, all priced at $129
(£77).

He also took the opportunity to quote Microsoft executive Jim
Allchin, who'd publicly said he would buy a Mac if he didn't work
at Microsoft. "He's retiring soon, so I've alerted our Seattle
stores to keep an eye out for him," Jobs said.