Monday, February 21, 2011

The sun beamed down on my pale, freckled skin. I was sitting atop a load of fresh hay as the sweet smell of the bales drifted my way.

I was pouring with sweat in the humid heat, but beamed with pride. This was the very first load of hay I'd ever stacked all alone.

The wind blowing through my sweat drenched hair as we drove slowly to the barn as I sat proudly on the trailer. The smile on Poppa's face spoke millions to the pride for me that beamed from his soft, but wrinkled face.

As we pulled into the barn loft, I jumped off the trailer, and sprinted to the fence to get a drink from the crisp, cool water faucet.

We walked slowly to the back porch of the house, and sat down in lawn chairs. The metal of the metal and canvas chairs tinged my thin legs with the heat of the sun. The canvas was frayed and scratchy on my thighs as it dug into me.

Poppa and I dug into the watermelon. I watched him eat and spit the seeds into the yard. I was more timid. I would take big bites, and let the sweet juice dribble down my chin only after I had picked all the seeds out.

The wind blew gently as we devoured the watermelon. His smile made my soul warm in a way that the long, infrequent dates with my Dad and his sporadic girlfriends never could. Days spent like this meant so much more than the afternoons spent at Mom's house listening to her and her husband yell for hours on end.

Here I was safe. There was no yelling. No throwing picture frames or unnecessary rage-full beatings.

There was just love. The love of my grandpa taught me that there was a normal. That my typical days, however, were definitely not it.

I could've spent every day of every summer sitting with my butt glued to a dilapidated lawn chair listening to his deep voice sing.

That voice taught me the value of hard work. He taught me the meaning of love. He taught me that I was good enough, no matter what anyone else said or did. He loved me.

Today, I would give anything to go back and sit under the shade tree, chomping down on a watermelon, but the memories will have to do. For now.

Monday, February 14, 2011

I adamantly shook my head no. No, I would not give into him. No, I was too strong to fall in love. It wasn’t my plan. I couldn’t. If I said it enough times, it had to be true.

I sat smugly on the porch as the summer air blew softly through my hair. I could smell the rugged, sexy scent of his cologne as it wafted slowly downwind. He leaned slowly over and whispered into my ear, “Can I kiss you? Please?” As his strong fingers intertwined with mine, he leaned gently in and kissed me sweetly on the cheek. My stomach fluttered inside. Who knew a kiss on the cheek could make my heart race like hooves pounding into the dirt at the Kentucky Derby?

I stared into his brown eyes longingly, with intent. I could see into his soul. He had spent the last two months trying, begging me to just give him one chance. My refusals grew weaker with each rejection. His persistence only grew stronger. Roses, chocolates, movie tickets, love letters; he had tried it all. His silver truck rolled slowly through the parking lot of the bank I worked at in high school almost daily when he left football practice. He tried something new everyday, each day hoping I would finally agree. Just one yes was all he needed. I had finally given in, and here I sat. All of my body was sitting snuggled next to him, enjoying the crisp night air as we stared softly at the stars together. My heart and my mind were racing. Faster than sound waves, my mind shifted from one thought to the next. How had I given in? How I had backed down from my strong willed promises to myself not to seriously date again until after college? How had a few breaths, a few brief minutes with this boy, this man, turned by soul right-side up so quickly?

Thoughts scrambled through my mind as I swung my feet onto the soft grass. I’m too young to feel this. I’m losing my mind. I can’t do this. I leapt up and sprinted around the corner, acting carefree, wanting him to chase me, knowing there was no running from my feelings this time.

He chased after me like we were on an elementary school playground. His stocky arms wrapped slowly around my feeble waist as he pulled me near to him. His heavy breath fell lightly on my neck.

“What are you doing for the rest of your life?” he asked with romantic conviction.

Silence.

Did he really just say that? He’s known me for all of the time it takes to cook a bag of popcorn, and he’s practically proposing.

“I’ll have to check my schedule.” I whispered back, sassily.

I played it off as though I had other plans, as though I didn’t feel the exact same thing that was in his heart. I knew it was going to be with him. My life was going to be with this man. My soul felt elated in a way it had never been. My heart raced, yet was gleaming with a new light that could brighten even the darkest days. His glance sent shivers up my spine. It took every ounce of my strength to stand up straight as his hands slowly traced the outline of my face in the moonlight.

Up until this very moment, I never believed in true love. I never believed in love at first sight. I never believed that anyone could just know that they love someone in an instant, and be ready to commit their life to such love.

He leaned in slowly for our first real kiss. His lips touched mine softly but with such passion, and I knew. These strong arms that laid around my waist would rock our babies. Those brown eyes would be the ones I said “I do” to. Those hands would be the ones to work so hard for our future.

One yes, one kiss changed my every dream.

*This post was written as part of a prompt of The Red Dress Club. The prompt was to imagine that after you have died and your daughter/son will be given the gift of seeing a single five-minute period of your life through your eyes, feeling and experiencing those moments as you did when they occurred. What five minutes would you have him/her see? Above all else, I pray my children find the love of God and the undying love of a spouse. I want them to know the love we share.*

Valentine's Day is about capitalism and greed expressing your feelings to those that you LOVE. I don't know about you, but I didn't love anyone in my third grade history class. Or first grade math.

"Sometimes feelings can get hurt if you get left out." says this article. Well, duh. Isn't that part of life? If you know someone who has been through life and never, ever had their feelings hurt, please let me know. If you start searching today, maybe you'll find somebody by 2083. Maybe.

Part of Valentine's Day is the fact that some years, you won't have a boyfriend or maybe even a friend. You'll spend the day wallowing in self pity, stuffing your face full of self-purchased chocolates, and admiring {or envying} the flowers your frenemies got on facebook.

Why in the world would you want to paint a glorious picture of this day for your children? Okay, buy them a box of chocolates, and send balloons to their school. Go ahead and take part in the capitalist scheme. But don't "giv[e] gifts to everyone in the classroom to promote a culture of acceptance and [ensure] no one getting their feelings hurt" as the article suggests.

Hello people, that is just delaying the inevitable and painting an illustrious view of things that won't come true. Your child (and mine) are going to get rejected. John Boy in junior high will think their braces are the wrong color. Frank the freak will dump her because she wouldn't sleep with him. the homecoming queen probably won't even look his way. And it won't matter in the grand scheme of things. Might as well get it over with in first grade.

I sure wish I hadn't gotten Valentine's from everyone in my elementary school classes. Some of them were creepy. Some of them were ridiculous. And you had enough common sense to know who actually liked you, and who sent you one to your pink glittery heart covered shoe box just because their teacher or mom told them to.

Having your entire class send meaningless cards to one another does nothing for their self esteem but falsely inflate it and set your child up to be crushed days, weeks, or years down the road.

Moral of the story: Put your big girl pants on and explain to your child that they are going to have to face rejection in their life. Might as well be now. Tweet

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Okay, forgive me but I lost track of the challenge so I'm playing catch up. Today was love for feeling beautiful or sexy. As crazy as it sounds, I feel beautiful when I'm pregnant.

I love to blog because of the connections I make, to create a record for me, and recently because it's started my brain to thinking like a writer again. Stay tuned for some actual writing.

I don't have many close friends, but the ones I do have I love because they are reliable, and they get me and all of my quirks. I love spending low key time with my friends, too. More than anything I am thankful that Trey is my best friend and I share my every thought with him =)

Friday, February 11, 2011

Everyone over at Kelly's Korner is sharing beauty tips, so I thought I would play along!

I typically use Tresemme color protection shampoo and conditioner, and sometimes use an extra suave conditioner if I have time to spare. I also started using dry shampoo and LOVE it. It takes my hair that must be washed every day to a 2 or 3 day wash, which is lovely.

I use either Bare Minerals or Merle Norman for my makeup. I really like Bare Minerals, but have a hard time giving up my loyalty to Merle Norman after so many years. Sometimes I don't think Bare Minerals gives enough coverage.

I love me some freeze it!!! It is the best {and cheap} hairspray! It is the only think I've found that will keep my poor little limp hair in place. I typically blow dry my hair, and then us a curling iron to style it. I've tried rollers, but I'm just not that impatient. And my hair is so thin that it looks SO flat when it's straight.

I typically wash and moisturize with Olay cleansers when I have time. I know, shoot me. The lady at Dillard's told me I was horrible and my face was going to hell.

I'm sure you've seen that I have ZERO color. Like I could lay in a tanning bed from now until the day I die (non-stop) and never have a tan. I love Perfect Legs from Wal-Mart for a quick spray on tan without any developing time, but it washes off easily. I also love Dove's energizing glow self tanner.

See, don't they look like fun? Not really. Just for the record I am often jealous of tan people. My husband is part Indian and there are some days in the summer I want a divorce. {Kidding!!!} But really.

On another note, I have changed my link to http://www.theimperfectmomma.com so change your links if you need to. My old link was one I had purchased years ago, and got used as an inbetween but I never really liked, nor did I think it described the blog really. I think this is much better! I'm in the process of redesigning the blog, but I think I'm going to call in some help from a pro, because I don't really like how it has turned out so far. Bare with me during the "construction" phase. I am trying to make it more simple, clean, bright and reader friendly to bring you some fun changes that are coming to the blog! Now, I'm off to read some beauty tips. Go check out Kelly's blog if your life needs beautifying.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I just can't believe that in 5 short months you will be two!! The time has flown by, and I just know it's not going to slow down any!

You have learned to say read, hung-gy (hungry), bite, qit (quit), to name a few. I just love listening to you learn knew things and tell me what you want.

You have discovered your love for coloring, and will spend hours a day coloring!

We went to Aunt Megan's basketball game the other night, and you absolutely loved sitting in the stadium seats!! I know you're going to love going to see the Razorbacks soon!

You have learned to lay sideways in your chair and it is hilarious. You lounge in it like you own the place!

It snowed this weekend, and you started putting your gloves on your feet thinking they were socks. ADORABLE.

You LOVE shoes. I mean, you are your mother's daughter! You spend so much time every day putting shoes on, taking shoes off. You have learned to climb on the diaper box in your closet to reach your shoes so you can pick the ones you want to wear!

You have so much energy, and just go non stop. I wish I could bottle it and sell it!!

You have really become a more picky eater. You love yogurt, chicken, french fries, and pasta but have mostly given up your love for apples and bananas.

Your second snow came ironically exactly one month after our last snow, and also on your "birthday" We went tubing in the snow, and you loved it. You just loved playing in the snow!

You love "dressing" yourself. Most of the time you get both of your legs in one leg of your pants, but you can usually get your shirt on successfully. Putting your socks and shoes on is your favorite part, though. {The picture is what YOU picked to wear today}

You are still wearing 2T clothes mostly, and size 4 diapers. Your clothes are starting to fit better in the waist You wear a size 6 or 7 shoes.

You are such an outdoor girl. You love horses, and just being outside in general. I know Poppa would be proud! It amazes me how we can be outside for hours in the cold, but you never want to go inside.

You have learned to count to three pretty constantly. I was playing with you and would say "one, two, wheee" when I threw you in the air, so sometimes you count that way!

You love to help Mommy vacuum and unload the dishwasher. You also like to wash everything. I'm glad that you're such a little helper!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

ignorance. that pretty much sums it all up. As my Dad would say, "I'm surrounded by idiots!!"

Sidenote here, but speaking of idiots. I just had to share. I saw this on twitter earlier, and couldn't help but be amazed.

Yes, he is breastfeeding that baby. Which is fine. But really??

{three} what room in your house best represents your personality?

my bedroom. Not because it looks like anything I would design, but because I sleep there. And that is a major portion of my personality. I'm nice when I sleep. I'm not nice when I don't.

{four} do you save old birthday cards?

no…I have a box of them from my childhood, but only because my Mom made me keep them. Some days I'm glad I have them. Other days they are just taking up space. I'm not a very sentimental person. I'd much rather remember fun I had with someone than what they wrote in my birthday card when I turned 7.

{five} when was the last time you went on a picnic?

What's a picnic? No seriously. I don't think I've ever been on one. Unless you count eating on picnic tables on a field trip in third grade.

socks if it is cold. Nothing if it's warm. I am so cold-natured. I hate wearing socks, but I'll freeze to death if I run around with bare feet during the winter.

{eight} what’s your favorite gambling game?

Um, Monopoly? I'm not really a gambler. I'll gamble your money all day long, but I'm too much of a tight wad to gamble my own. I would rather spend my $20 on something tangible, than waste it trying to win $100.

{nine} have you ever written (or started writing) a book?

no, I wrote a lot in high school, and I would love to someday, but I don't think it's in my near future. {I have a toddler, remember???}

{ten} what is your favorite musical?

please don't shoot me for saying this, but I'm not really a musical fan. I just don't get it. I guess if I have to choose, I'd pick the Sound of Music because my mom forced asked me to watch that a lot as a child, and it was kind of interesting.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Ry was obsessed with coloring. Ever since she got this tiny table from Trey's grandmother for Christmas, she has been a little independent machine. She loves to color. We've had this coloring book for only a few days, and every page is colored on!

Hello, hovering dog!!! I love that he is practically drooling over her food while she is playing with it.

And, this my friends, is what my daughter does when she needs to be changed. She grabs a diaper, prances to wherever I am, and lays down in the floor like she would on her changing table. Okay, sassy, I got it. Perhaps, you could tell me 3 minutes sooner and we could go to the potty??

On Saturday, we hung out at my Dad's with him and his new girlfriend and rode around outside on the gator. We went to get milk to make hot chocolate. No milk. We went to get snacks in his pantry. Expired Spaghettios. Really, Dad? They were from '09!!!! I guess I need to add grocery shopping for him to my to-do list ; )

Sunday, I baked these lovely Valentine's cupcakes and we had them for a {late} breakfast. Ryanne had thrown up the night before several times, so we stayed home from Church to avoid passing the bug along in the nursery.

This is her "buzz off" look. How can someone so small have so much attitude already? I love that her hair is finally long enough that it has a small, albeit visible, tiny little curl in the back.

As I speak, this sweet baby is catching up on her sleep. There is nothing sweeter than a sleeping baby. What, you say? She's not a baby anymore? Bite me.