John tells a story about shopping for a car that shows how that difference in attitude—bashing versus respect, bravado versus genuine confidence—cost one dealer tens of thousands of dollars and earned it for another. He set out to visit three different import dealers with the goal of comparing both their cars and the experiences he had in each place. Here’s what happened:

First was the local BMW man, Mike.

I’d been there a few times, checking out a few cars on the floor, and Mike remembered me vaguely. He took my kids and me for a test spin, and on our drive we made small talk. I left the lot sort of liking Mike, but feeling I hadn’t learned much about the car or gotten much value.

Next was Lexus.

The nearest Lexus dealer was a good ninety minutes away, and I was too busy to go that distance. No problem. Tink Doyle from Lexus returned my call immediately and said she could bring cars out for me to look at. What was I looking for in a car, she asked (hmm, Mike had not asked me that), and what else was I looking at? I told her: BMW, Lexus, Mercedes. “All three are great cars,” she replied. “I have to admit, I personally love the Lexus line. Well, obviously—that’s why I work here. But BMW and Mercedes are excellent cars, too. You’ll do well either way.” She offered to bring a car out for me to look at. The next day, she brought another. And then another. For the next week, Tink made sure I didn’t pass a day without a Lexus to drive.

Finally, I got to Mercedes.

Like Tink, Ed at Mercedes wanted to know what else I was test-driving. When I said, “BMW—” he grunted. When I said “. . . and Lexus,” he let out a snort of derision. “Not much of a car, really,” Ed let me know, and he launched into a lecture about how many ways the Lexus was not what I wanted: it was basically a Camry body with an inflated price tag; I wouldn’t be happy with a dealer so far away; he’d heard its airbag might not be safe . . . .

By the time I left the Mercedes dealership, Ed had made the sale: I got the Lexus.

Of course, there were features about the cars themselves that helped direct John’s buying decision. But it was the attitudes of the three salespeople that clinched the deal.

When you tear down another, you are the one on whom it reflects most poorly. And when you take the high road and build up your competition, you create a rising tide that raises all the ships in the harbor—and that reflects quite well on you.