My Loss Has Destroyed My Self-Esteem

Losing someone or something you depend on diminishes your life, at least for a while. It’s hard enough coping with that sense of emptiness, but matters are even worse if your self-esteem has taken a knock at the same time.

When you lose what you care for it can leave you feeling less of a person. But that’s just an illusion. You need to banish it to find fulfillment again.

Learn the following:

You aren’t being punished

This isn’t necessarily ‘bad karma’

Loss is about learning lessons

Don’t dwell on mistakes

Count your achievements

Count your talents

Do good deeds

YOU AREN’T BEING PUNISHED

One of the reasons why loss can hit your self worth is because of an inner belief that you’re being punished. Even if you don’t consciously think this way, experiences as you were growing up or cultural conditioning may cause it without you quite realising.

Reframe your thoughts by imagining a supreme being, or creative force in the Cosmos and considering how unimaginably exalted such a being must be. Would such an awesome force ever descend to petty vindictiveness? Of course not! The great cosmic force is Love. It’s what glues existence together. The unseen love that surrounds you is what’s going to get you back on track – never fear!

IT ISN’T ‘BAD KARMA’

All too often ‘karma’ is thought of in the same way as punishment. But it is not the same thing. Karma means cause and effect. Just because something bad happens to you it doesn’t mean you did something horrendous in a past life. Even if you were a mass murderer in a former incarnation, you might not have to suffer. Perhaps you could even the score by being a wonderful doctor and saving lives.

Don’t assume that you were some kind of villain and tell yourself you deserve to suffer. You are a being of light, and you deserve to progress.

WE’RE ALL HERE TO LEARN LESSONS

Life is about growing, progressing, becoming stronger and more self-aware. Sometimes for this to happen we have to lose something we depend on. This could be a job, material possessions, health, or someone you love. This can be horrible at the time, but its purpose is to teach you and make you more evolved. It happens to everyone – you have not been singled out.

It may be very hard to see what your loss is supposed to teach you, but if you try to keep an open mind that all will be revealed in time.

LIMIT YOUR TIME SPENT ANALYSING

We all make mistakes and we all get things wrong sometimes. If you’ve suffered a loss it’s reasonable to look back and work out what you did wrong. It may be obvious that you slipped up. Once you’ve seen that, congratulate yourself on having taken a very important step, for you’ve learnt something. You won’t do that again.

However, it may be that you did very little ‘wrong’ and in any case what you did may not have caused the loss at all. For instance, if you’ve been bereaved it’s natural to go over all the times you could have been nicer, more attentive and caring. Or if a relationship has broken up you may reflect on what you could have done to prevent it. But clearly it was not meant to be.

Whether you’ve played a part in your loss or not, you must stop going over and over past mistakes. When you catch yourself doing this, distract yourself. Watch TV, phone a friend, work out at the gym – anything to stop that downward spiral into self-blame.

FOCUS ON YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS

So you’re on a downer at the moment, but what about the good things you’ve done? The times things have gone well for you? The creative things you’ve accomplished?

These may be small things, such as flowers growing in your garden, a wall you’ve painted or a meal you’ve cooked. Or they may be much bigger things like passing a course. Do not let your current sadness wipe these out. It may be hard to hang on to any sense of achievement now, but keep trying.

FOCUS ON YOUR TALENTS

If you’re telling yourself you’re rubbish, you are wrong. There are many things you can do, so remind yourself of them, however trivial they may seem.

Sometimes it’s difficult to value a ‘talent’ because it may be something that comes easily. Often friends can see these attributes more clearly, so ask a trusted friend what you’re good at. The answers may pleasantly surprise you!

DO A FEW GOOD DEEDS

Making someone else happy can be a fabulous boost. You may not feel as if you’ve got much to give, but if you can make someone smile you’ll feel better.

Make it a rule that you will do a good deed each day. This may mean paying a compliment, doing a chore or something much bigger that involves time and sacrifice. The more you do the better you will feel. It can be a struggle to get up momentum when you feel down, but gradually you will start to feel rewarded and your self-esteem will repair.

HOW WE CAN HELP

If your loss has made you lose your self-esteem, then you’ve suffered a double loss. Do not lose hope also, for things will change and they can always get better, in ways you may not even imagine. Hopefully now you can understand that you’re not being punished or having bad karma, you know you’re learning lessons and you’ve learned not to dwell on mistakes. You know about counting your achievements and talents and doing good deeds.