Blackpool man Realises he’s a Robot After Failing CAPTCHA

A man from the North West came out as a robot yesterday after failing to successfully complete an online CAPTCHA test. We spoke to the gentleman, one Rob Bottom, to find out what’s what:

HT:

So, Mr Bottom, you think that you’re some sort of robot?

RB:

Well, it’s conclusive. I tried to do that CAPTCHA test three times, and I couldn’t get it right once, which apparently means that I’m a bot. Bot being short for robot. So I’m a robot.

HT:

You don’t think that you just got a few tricky ones in a row? They do seem to be getting ludicrously harder as time goes on.

RB:

Err, do you not think that seems a bit far fetched? I mean, I failed it with three different tests in a row. Three!

HT:

You don’t think that it’s more far fetched to think that a robot which is hundreds of years in advance of what we currently have is not only living undercover in the North West of England, but is also unable to complete an online security test which is set to a level basic enough so that the sort of person who uses the internet can pass it?

RB:

What aren’t you understanding here? I failed it – three – times! Three times!

HT:

Okay, well if you’re a robot, prove it.

RB:

Prove it how?

HT:

Take your top layer of skin off and show me your wires and your electronics and stuff.

RB:

Okay, I will!

At this point, Mr Bottom hacked into his forearm with a butter knife for several seconds before managing to produce a tear large enough to pull at. Our reporter felt vindicated at first as a great deal of blood-coloured ooze came pouring out, but then quickly felt the fool as it became clear that the Blackpool resident’s insides were indeed comprised of robot. As it turned out, our reporter had an unrealised phobia of realistically humanoid robots – a phobia which had never come up as an issue before – and so the sight of the machine’s innards led to him quickly turning on his heel and leaping through the first floor window.

Thankfully, our man in the field was able to describe what happened to us before he expired, and so we were able to get down there with some nets to capture the robot before it got away. If you are interested in buying an incredibly realistic humanoid robot, please post a wad of cash to the following address, and by ‘wad,’ we’re talking about an amount that takes both your hands to get a grip of. We would also accept a floppy-disc full of BitCoin, or a metric tonne of denim.