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Stand By Your Man – Fantasy QB Results: Week 3

Apologies to all the Ladies this morning for my delay in posting this this week’s Fantasy Football results. I went to do the post last night, but WordPress was down for repairs and I ended up falling asleep to “My House Flip” before eventually making it to bed.

What a sleep it was though. I never ever – EVER – dream about making out with hot celebrities in my sleep. Ever. (Ok, maybe once, but I think it has been quite some time since it last happened.)

Last night? I dreamt that George Clooney was running a abs-fitness boot camp and that I was taking the class, only to have George work me harder than the other students. After the training session, we ended up kissing for a bit, and he looks at me and says, “Don’t you remember me?” This teasing goes back and forth a little bit, and then he acts all hurt that I don’t remember hooking-up with him at the premiere party after-party for The Rundown. (Note – George Clooney was not in The Rundown, nor did I go to that premiere.) Anyway, he walks me back to my car and we make plans for later that day, leaving me to call my friend Jeremy and figuring out how to explain to TSB how I made out Clooney in summer of 2003 because that was about the time we stopped seeing other people and made our whole deal exclusive. (By this point in the dream, Clooney was looking more like Billy Zane, but I could have cared less. Both hot.)

So back to the Fantasy Football post. The alarm went off and I Could. Not. Get. Out. Of. Bed. Come back George! Bed was all warm and soft and full of handsome men! Outside of the bed is work, an IRS notice of past due taxes for 2002 that had just come the day before, (What the fuck. 2002 would be the last year my taxes would have been totally straight forward and I filed a fucking 1040EZ that year. How can I owe taxes when I filed a fucking 1040EZ? It is IRS equivalent to paint-by-numbers and the form that high school kids use when they’ve had their first job at the local Red Lobster.), an office full of projects, and I still have to get that post done! I laid there for another hour hoping to fall back asleep. I think I even asked aloud at some point, “I wonder of George will write my post for me.”

The above picture for this week’s Fanatasy Football? George Clooney in the upcoming Leatherheads.

Now to the results of Week 3

Week 3 and I am already tired of the quarterback results grid we used in Week 1 and Week 2.

How about just some quotes from the Ladies about their boys and the scores of the games. Next week I’ll do so sort of grid – which I had planned for this week before time got away from me and this post became a disaster – that covers the standings, W-L, etc.

JOHN KITNA Pros: Fuck lion, 2-0 on the season, God healed his concussion.
Cons: He had his ass handed to him by the Eagles, and he thinks God healed his concussion.
REX GROSSMAN Pro: Sex Cannon. Con: None I know of.

GordonShumway – Here in NC, there’s a commercial for a cable company where Jake Delhomme auditions for the part of Jake Delhomme only to be told that that they’re going to go with someone else, but he could maybe be a pirate or a detective. After Sunday’s weird, invisible karate chop that hurt his elbow, the part of Jake will now be played by David Carr. Who’s not on my team. Also, the part of Drew Brees appears to have been filled by a 12 year old British kid who thinks that football doesn’t involve their hands.

Goddammit, I’m picking up Kurt Warner. Confidential to Kurt: Sorry about the whole “Lord’s name in vain” thing. Swear it won’t happen again.

Leatherheads was filmed down the street from my house. I tried to be an extra but they said my haircut was too “edgy” for the time period. I wanted to point out that Renee Zellweger (or whatever) was too “emaciated” for any time period but didn’t think that would help my cause.

The fact that George stopped at a local kid’s lemonade stand made the front page of the paper.