finding a glimmer of balance

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I am sometimes my own worst enemy. My expectations are set high, sometimes unrealistic. Right about now I can hear Ellen Griswold rattling off all of the times Clark set the bar so high that no party, graduation, Holiday or vacation could ever live up to what he imagined. That’s me, Clark W Griswold and I am in search of the perfect everything. In some instances it has served me well and in others, I have set myself up for unnecessary disappointment.

Christmas seems to be starting earlier and earlier every year, only contributing to the panic that is getting your gifts, plans, and decorations just right. It becomes about who’s going where, what party and which charities if any are you giving to. The list goes on and on.

I am a believer in things coming our way when the time is right. The problem is, you have to let it happen rather than control the course. This is especially true at Christmas time. I have a lot of expectations for the perfect Christmas card, the perfect gift, attending the right holiday activity to create just the right amount of magic for lasting memories.

Over the Thanksgiving weekend I had a lot of ideas about how the kick off to Christmas would go. The Polar Express, tree lightings, maybe some shopping and a day to relax at home. This is how the weekend actually went, the Polar Express sold out of tickets before I even had a chance to review times and dates, I dragged my family to Patriot Place for the lighting of the Giving Tree with promises of nutcrackers dancing and Santa Claus but what we got was a sea of people pouring out the stadium after a professional soccer game and a sign stating that the tree lighting was the following day. We tried to wrap up the weekend with brunch which basically turned into my youngest trying to throw food and plates off the table and my oldest needing to take several trips to the bathroom, because well public restrooms are super cool so have to check them out multiple times, of course! Needless to say, this was not the weekend I had in mind. I was upset and disappointed.

We’re now a few days out from Christmas and I’m committed to remaining calm. I didn’t have time to do a Christmas card this year, so maybe I’ll do one for New Year’s! With the addition of online shopping, suddenly Holiday shopping stress has decreased. I’m nearly done, and I have only set foot in the mall once! My kids have absolutely loved decorating our tree this year, even though it took us about a week to finish. Our Elf Bradford has been up to no good to the absolute delight of my 3 yr old. We have watched Christmas movies, received letters from Santa, made cookies, ate most of the candy canes and put up our stockings. I want to spend every moment possible not thinking, planning and refining ….. but laughing, eating and snuggling with my family. I would rather look back at this year and feel satisfied that I did my best, not disappointed that it wasn’t perfect.

My wish for all the amazing mamas out there is to enjoy a happy and healthy Holiday season and for the wisdom to understand that this sometimes begins by letting go of the pressure were inflicting on ourselves. Christmas is about the magic and wonder of childhood so let your kids take you there, you won’t regret it!

Farewell summer, hot sunny picnic daze. Sounds of heat bugs, lazy rivers and salt kissed waves. Your little voice laughing, burning marshmallows in the blaze. You have taught me so much, to enjoy all the moments of the short, yet long, summer days. We enjoyed endless bright blue skies, fireworks up high, a never ending musical phrase. My baby is now a little boy, reminding me to always play. I will cherish every moment and forever love our summer gaze. For you will be mine always, the sweetest thing a mama could raise.