Friday, September 6, 2013

When I assumed that I would have kids, many years ago, I had certain goals. My parents lived sort of in the middle of nowhere, and while it was fun to be able to ride my bike around with little to no traffic, I never really got to hang out with any school friends, not until high school anyway. So I used to want to live in a suburban area so that my kids could be in closer proximity to their friends. I still had a fondness for the middle of nowhere lifestyle, but wanted something different for my kids.

Now that I won't be having kids, I really want to live in an area similar to my parents. I want trees and a big porch and a huge property. D wants to have enough space to have a shooting range and to be able to ride four wheelers around, and maybe horses too. We wanted to retire somewhere more remote anyway, and my thought is that we could buy some property fairly close by sometime in the next decade and just commute to our jobs from the place where we will retire. Maybe just buy land and build a house later. And since we have no daycare costs, I think this plan is actually possible. And that makes me very excited!

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Kids come back on Wednesday, so I've been doing the normal back to school in-service meetings and such at school. I was taking care of something in the office with one of the secretaries, and another one shouts out "your son is adorable!" I look around, wondering who just walked in, and realize she is looking at me. I said "I don't have any kids." She looks at me like I am crazy and said "no, you brought him in this morning." I say again "I don't have any kids, so that wasn't me." She still looks at me like I have lost it, so I say "who are you thinking of?" And she replies with the name of a teacher that I often get confused with, even though we don't really look anything alike. So I laughed it off and said "we get that a lot." And as I was leaving the office, she called after me (laughing) "your son is cute!"

If this had happened a few years ago, I probably would have started crying and told her (and anyone within earshot) that I can't have kids. And everyone would have felt horrible. Yay for progress!

Saturday, July 27, 2013

A little background: my husband has had two best friends since middle school. Both of those guys were best men in our wedding. Lately, the two of them have been spending a lot of time together, and my husband gets left out fairly often.

Yesterday, both of their wives announced pregnancies; both due within a couple weeks of each other. So they will be "pregnancy buddies!" I mostly just feel bad for my husband. The two dudes who will have babies around the same time will now have even less in common with my husband (one has a three year old already). We already only see them about twice a year; I think this will only decrease now.

It just makes me sad how people exclude us because we don't have kids. Like we don't already feel isolated enough. I get tired of chasing them and trying to set up a time to hang out. Eventually, I will give up.

Monday, May 27, 2013

I love my BOSU balance trainer. The workouts are tough, I get super sweaty, and it's really fun.

But the main reason I love it so much is that it seems to have fixed my foot issues. About two years ago, I was having some major pain in my heels when I woke up in the morning and when I moved from a seated position to walk anywhere (at work or at home). I went to the doctor afraid that I had a tear in my Achilles tendon. I did not, just some inflammation, and going from a relaxed position to stretching the tendon when I moved was what was causing the pain. I was prescribed more frequent stretching, especially right before bed, and I was to take an Aleve every night to help with the inflammation. This helped, but I still had minor pain when I woke up. I could at least walk and not shuffle to the bathroom, but it was still noticeable.

A few months ago, I splurged on the BOSU to add some variety to my workouts, and with the first workout, I thought I had wasted my money because my feet hurt so much during the workout: the balls of my feet, my arches, everything. But I tried another workout a few days later, and my feet hurt less during it, and eventually not at all. And then I realized that my feet didn't hurt AT ALL when I woke up in the morning. I think with the strength I have built in the muscles in my feet (that I didn't realize needed strengthening) that any stress I was putting on other muscles and tendons has been relieved.

So when the ball developed a small tear near the base that I couldn't fix, I splurged again and bought another. Now that the pain is gone, and I know the BOSU helped, there's no way I was going to go without. And we will be going to San Francisco in a couple weeks, and I can't wait to be able to actually walk around a lot without having to suck it up and deal with pain during it. So I have a few BOSU workouts scheduled for myself in the next couple of weeks to make sure of that.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Lacey was diagnosed with acute kidney failure on Tuesday. We decided not to put her through a bunch of treatment at her age. So I've been cuddling her like crazy, and we are about to go to the vet's to put her to sleep. She's been my little rock during lots of hard times, and I am going to miss her.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Time has flown by. The school year is 3/4 of the way done; our summer "we don't have kids" trip is planned (just need to actually book it). This year is San Francisco, and we have a lot of things we want to do, so it's looking to be a full five days of activity. The only things we haven't looked into yet are restaurants.

I'm doing really well with the no kids things...even back to where I used to be that I can think a kid is cute and want to play with him or her. I still have some dark days where I feel left out, but those are very few now. I have a friend who is currently pregnant, and I'm so excited for her. So far, there hasn't been any awkwardness and she hadn't stopped sharing details with me. That has happened in the past, and I'm still not sure how it could have been avoided.

I'm starting to come out of my hermit hibernation. Someone said something in a post recently about expecting bad comments from people. I think that's what I was doing, and I thought that if I stayed home, I could avoid them. While this is true, I was also avoiding a lot of fun activities. So one of my new years' resolutions was to socialize more. I'm still VERY content to stay home, but I'm forcing myself to go out. And it's been pretty good so far. I've come a long way so that I don't expect there to be awkward moments anymore, and there really haven't been any. Of course, I've grown a thicker skin since then, so that may be part of it. And I still avoid the people who I found to be not quite so supportive during my time of need, even though I realize now that I share some of the blame for not asking for what I needed.

I feel like I am making progress; I just hope that other people can see it too.

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About Me

My husband and I were married in 2008, and a few months later started trying to get pregnant because I was 33. More than three years later, I'm now 36, we went through IVF treatment, and didn't achieve a viable pregnancy. We are now transitioning to what will be a child-free life. We aren't preventing pregnancy, but I am no longer tracking ovulation days (well, I still notice the signs, I just no longer make sure we have sex!), so if we do ever end up pregnant, it will be a miracle (since we have like a 1% chance of it working naturally) and a surprise.