The internet is agog and aghast today at news that Russian billionaire Yuri Milner has paid $100 million for an estate up in Silicon Valley's Los Altos Hills, making it the largest single-family property transaction in U.S. history. (Has anyone made the Lap Giraffes joke yet? Probably.) We know you've got questions, and we've got answers. Here's everything you want to know about the house that makes Candy Spelling's place look like a cramped studio apartment.

So how many square feet does $100 mil buy you?

A little over 25,000, encompassing five bedrooms, nine bathrooms, a central entry court, ballroom, home theater, wine cellar, spa/gym, a tennis court, car wash, two swimming pools and formal gardens. It's described as "a symmetrical limestone mansion with San Francisco Bay views that was inspired by 18th-century French chateaux." The architects said there was literally no budget ceiling.

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Just five bedrooms?

You need more?

I guess not. How did this Milner guy come up with that kind of dough?

The founder of one of Russia's first tech funds, Digital Sky Technologies, Milner made a splash stateside with early investments in Facebook, Groupon, and Zynga. The $200 million he slipped to Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg alone, for example, has ballooned to $10 billion and counting. $100 million is chump change.

How old is he?

49.

So when does he move in?

Never.

What?

A spokesman said Milner's primary residence will continue to be in Moscow, where he lives with his wife and two kids. This is just a pied-a-terre.