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C-Ron Loves Speed

Look folks, it’s the slowest news day ever!

It’s bad that most of the main news sites have match previews for Tuesday and Wednesday’s CL games as their top stories. Of course, if I’d not been such a slacker, I’d have finished piecing together that Norwichomon trip (which will drop on Wednesday, I think), but I digress.

This is about Cristiano Ronaldo, the pacy t**t currently stepovering the world to death from his post on United’s wing. He’s wrecked cars before with his blistering speed, and now he’s looking to do a number on the likes of Titus Bramble for years to come, with the news that him and Usain Bolt will train together over the summer.No, this is not the brainchild of some coke-snorting ad exec, but rather the joyful, lost art of letter writing and favours. See, Usain wanted a signed United shirt, presumably for use in the bandwagoning department, and C-Ron obliged, sending a note back requesting a favour in return (because for Ronaldo, there’s no such thing as a nice gesture without some form of payback — just ask Steven Taylor).

And so, according to Bolt’s agent, the two will get together in Manchester during the EPL off-season to work on C-Ron’s speed.

No word yet on whether this’ll help the arrogant fella run quicker into the loving, caring arms of Real Madrid by January, 2010.