Over the years of my life, I have taken quests and journeys. Explorations of
space, time, consciousness, perceptions and phenomena like life, light and
quantum mechanics. By the time I was twenty I had formulated an outline and
structure that easily and clearly described the effect and methodologies
associated with the manifestation of matter in a space time continuum. Very
early in life I felt it necessary that any views or perceptions I contained must
be of myself. I did not want to follow, re-build, nor embellish a reality of
another. All I began with was myself. I had no spiritual mentor, for that is the
way I choose. To know myself, rather than hope to be like any other, no matter
how grand their life may seem.

One day I noticed out of the side of my eye a creature as real and alive a
myself. It was a bit shorter than me, about 4 and a half feet tall. It had brown
hair all over, even its face was covered, although shorter than the hair on its
arms and legs. I have always thought of it a a He but it could have been a
female. In less than a second he smiled at me, my expression revealed my
awareness I am sure, then he ran into the kitchen faster and faster becoming
smaller and smaller and seemingly millions of miles away before finally
disappearing from my visual awareness. I felt a kinship and peace, probably
amazement and curiosity.

Some day later, while working on my car, I sensed a presence, and turning my
head, I noticed these exploding, glistening globules of light things. Roughly
spherical, there were many of them, perhaps 10-15. I initially assumed they were
because I had quickly turned my head. I have experienced an effect very similar
sometimes after sneezing, of lifting my head. I am sure there is a medical name
for it. This was different in a lot of ways. They hung around for nearly 20
minutes. And they moved like little mini ufos. Just not real fast or perhaps too
fast for me to perceive. As I moved about checking tires, the followed me moving
into my view as I worked. I wondered if they were curious. They were certainly
sentient like the brown creature. I felt a peace and calm, wonder and joy.

One day I realized that if life/awareness/consciousness were allowed to
develop, that someday that 'stuff' (creatures) would permeate the atomic domains
with their sense of self. The vastness of their evolution contained somehow in
this space and time. I had no name for this thing. However, I called it stuff.
The stuff of which everything is made. God Stuff. I felt like a child, an infant
in their experience yet knew somehow, I was much older then that.

During the past 30 years, these same three creatures have manifest in my life
in many ways. Through places, people, moments of time, some might call magic, or
mystic. I think of those moments as clarity. During one job, I had a friend who
would join me for a cigarette at somewhat random times. We would meet, unplanned
and chat about life, the universe, and everything. One day I offered him a
painting. Some time later he gave me water pipe, called a bong in those days. It
was about 18 inches tall. A tree trunk with a man at the base leaning against
the tree. On his shoulders was another man his hands over the mans ears. The
tobacco was placed into the head of the smaller man on top of the other. I was
quite choked up when he gave it to me. It was the small brown creature. I
excitedly told him about the experience those years before. He was like me now
aware of something that we had no word for. I had given him my favorite
painting. It was a silohutte of a house with a bit of light reflected in a
puddle in the front. The background sky still bright. It was modeled after the
house next door in the early evening. I never smoked anything in the pipe. And
over the years it was lost due to the intervention of some religion.

I had tow other encounters with others that were about the brown creature.
Each their story told, in detail, moments I experienced. This was without me
prodding or suggesting. One said it was the spirit of Christ in another
dimension.

As you might imagine, my life is quite full of wonder and awe. I sometimes
see holes in the sky and sense buildings long since gone. I think I know how to
read my DNA and watch the pictures of the last 10 billion years or so. I am full
of myself and ideas and imaginings and inventions and wonderments. Sometimes it
is difficult to differentiate, sometimes integration is difficult. Always
wonder.

A few years ago, I had a really interesting dream. It was about the three
creatures. I had been to their place years before but was unable to accept their
perspectives in all ways. They shunned me for many years, until I had this
dream. I heard a knock on my door, I opened it and there were three creatures.
One held out a book and extended it towards me. I took the book into my hands.
It felt strange. Alive in some ways, very supple, not rigid and stiff like books
in a library. Read it I heard one of them say. Read it now.

I looked at them and promised to read it, but when I was ready. Not now. I
shut the door and sat on the couch, my cigarettes and water nearby, the book
still in my hands. I was about to open the book when I heard some noise outside
my door. I quickly got up and opened the door. One of the three sort of rolled
into the room and oozed beneath the carpet. The other two stood there. I said I
would read it. Why are you still here? Please leave or I will never read it. In
some ways I felt like a gnat screaming into an elephants ear hoping to make it
move. However, they did leave. I couldn't help feeling that some of the ooze got
left behind in the carpet.

Many years later I open the book. It was very different than any other book.
I was drawn into the story, the characters, the plot, and most of all the
writing. It was engaging in very personal ways. The experience elicited bliss.
The kind of bliss you feel when you are finished and satisfied with your work.
Knowing that new challenges await.

I read as much as I wanted before realizing what had happened. I shut the
book and soon I heard a knock on the door. The three were back to get their
book. I told them about my experience and said I wanted to keep the book. But
gladly returned their book anyway. It wasn't really about me. Just the parts of
me that are parts of them. They are part of life and this body I use is part of
life. Perhaps even the domain of atoms and quarks we share. Yet I know that I am
not these things, not even God Stuff. I am a form of organization closely
related to chaos and strange attractors, cousins or such. to black holes. The
three creatures are the god head. The place and time where and when
consciousness permeates the sub atomic domain and a 'new life' arisises. All
roads lead to the same spot. And they are the end of the journey of sorts. The
door way between this reality and created reality. Persistence. Life isn't the
journey nor the end. Life is just what happens when you are making a God. Life
is a side effect, an unusual bi-product of a process that results in the
manifestation of these three creatures. Religions have named them as have
children and mothers. Life is because of them not because of us. We are but
shadows of ideas shielded from the raw chaos by a design of structure. Suspended
in a bubble of space-time. Where in Gods are formed, not unlike the formation of
Stars and Black holes. Oh and me too. Life is just the moment that happened
before God was made. Pretty much says it all. And being alive is the only way to
touch God. At least that what is said in my book.