What are your New Year's resolutions?

Now, having made it through the 21st of December, 2012, it seems like exactly the right time to post it again!

I've been inspired by Dr Mike Evans short video about how much more successful New Year's resolutions tend to be compared with making resolutions at other times of year. Just posted a TEDed and would welcome your thoughts and feedback: http://ed.ted.com/on/cu5IwKY6

Dec 30 2012:
I used to make New Years resolutions. But I have learned that a better, smarter and wiser person should not wait to run harder towards the finish line or exhaust their wits and energy at the shot of the gun. It is how they perfom, persevere and stay determined during the race that matters the most. Hence I make resolutions all through the year for various reasons and often inspired by various ideas. Some I achieve, some I try and fail, but only to pick up another one. Perhaps an essential process of continuous self evaluation and progressive development that every person should indulge in.

Hence I guess if I have a New Years resolution, it is to continue to self analyze and develop all through the year!

Jan 1 2013:
Wonderful, Maaher!
Just like you, I used to make New Year's resolutions, but somehow I got disappointed at myself in the process of attempting to achieve them all. I used to fail—a lot. So, for about 2-3 years, I've intentionally avoided setting New Year's Plans—stuff like that. It gave me a wrong inspiration that I got a very good excuse not to do my best to accomplish my personal goals. That is, I've used the realization, which you and I both realized, for supporting my coward excuses.
For this time for sure, I do not want my excuse of weakness, which destroys my passion toward my youth, to manipulate my mind.
You know what, I had at least the whole 6 months planned out with 5 big, yet quite specific plans.
For this time, I will try really hard even if I fail again and again while not giving myself any room for futile excuses(Ironically, I remember reading an article of ineffectiveness of proclaiming one’s own goal that goes like, “I will~”, but somehow I feel necessity to put that kind of scientific or psychological studies aside. I want to. lol)
And even if I wouldn't accomplish my goals, the fact that I did my best for myself and my loving people would remain.

However, I agree some TEDsters’ idea that the time when we make resolutions doesn't necessarily need to be January 1st. Anytime, anywhere, we can always start over! We should know that, right?

Jan 10 2013:
My list:
1. Learn to be content with what I have in my life (people, things, everything).
2. Listen to my heart more often instead of my negative thoughts.
3. Give more of my time and my soul to everything and everyone around me....Become open
4. Enjoy the ride of life instead of focusing on the end result.
5. Make time to reach out with those who are in need.
These are my goals for now... Wish my luck!

Jan 13 2013:
I wish you luck! I've been working on a version of your #2 myself for quite a while. I've come to see our negative thinking as instinctive - our ancient ancestors survived by focusing on the problems they were facing or, if none were currently life threatening, anticipating the problems that might be coming up. I think mindfulness and being able to shift from negative thinking to more positive thoughts of gratitude or serenity takes a lot of mental skill and ongoing practice. So I'm practicing a lot!

Jan 1 2013:
I wish to become a person that will be an inspiration to others, in term of their next New years resolutions... I wish that my actions motivate others to do something they never dreamed of doing and at least try to do it. I would be more than happy to help them!
I would consider my wish fulfilled if just one person told me that I've helped them take the first step.

Jan 2 2013:
What a goal you got out there!
But I wonder if ur goal here is to be a role model or to be good for the sake of goodness. Because I know that people would follow those who help and give for nothing in turn, not even fame, rather than following someone who wants to be followed. What do you think? Hope I could speak up my mind clearly!

Jan 2 2013:
I know what you wanted to say, and I honestly understand why you said that. There isn't a lot of people who would do good deeds just for the sake of the good deed. There are in most cases hidden thoughts behind those good deeds. True altruism is really rare nowadays... I totally agree with you on what you said about people following those who help others without asking for anything in return.
But, why not be both? Good for the sake of goodness and a role model? Actually, when someone is good just for the sake of goodness then that person will eventually become someones role model. I think that you can't choose to be a role model, you become one when someone notices what you are doing and when they start doing it too. You don't make yourself a role model, others do. :)

Jan 3 2013:
I've been studying psychology and neurosciences for years, and have come to the conclusion that the conventional definition of altruism, doing something with no expectation of any personal benefit, isn't really humanly possible. We can do things anonymously with no expectation of external rewards, but our internal systems usually get at least a little "high" from doing something we believe helps others (eg, dopamine bump). This really hit home for me a few years ago when someone at a gas station asked directions to the post office. I didn't know but was able to look it up on my nav system. She was grateful - an external acknowledgement, and I was higher than a kite for at least the next 10 minutes. l can get a little feel good bump just tidying up a public restroom a little (I'm surprised that only airplane bathrooms encourage people to clean up as a courtesy to the next person).

The coolest thing about this perspective? When people can see how helping others feels good, they are more likely to do it more often. I've worked a lot with volunteers and recruiting - I bet most of you here on TED have - that "feel good" piece seems to work for a lot of people.

On being a good role model, walking the talk & practicing what we preach, I'm among the big group of educators out telling students what they should do without being consistent about doing it myself. I think that's hard for most of us - our planning brain is not always well supported by our doing brain. But acknowledging that gap goes a long way... and, for me, makes it a little easier to forgive myself for not being anywhere close to perfect. ;-)

Jan 3 2013:
Hi Melissa,
I know it is possible. I do not question at all whether we may get "high" from doing something to help others. We can, however, experience that "high" without expectation....can we not? Well, in my humble perception and experience...we can:>)
To say that it is not "humanly possible" is a self imposed limitation.

I agree that helping others and doing good things can be contagious, and often become a model.

I don't think "walking our talk" means being "perfect". To me, it means being consistant with saying what I do...doing what I say...."being" and "doing" to the best of my ability. I've been told most of my life that I "walk the talk", and that feels FABULOUS!!! Most of the people who tell me that, KNOW I am FAR FROM PERFECT!!! LOL:>)

Re: "I think that you can't choose to be a role model, you become one when someone notices what you are doing and when they start doing it too. You don't make yourself a role model, others do. :)"

I totally agree. It's hard to become a role model on purpose of becoming a role model. Perhaps, the best way to inspire others is to be yourself and follow your own passion. The scene of Forrest Gump running across America "for no particular reason" also comes to mind...

Jan 3 2013:
If I didn't get that feedback I would be a little bit disappointed, but I wouldn't think of myself as a failure. What's the point of that? Positive feedback from one person doesn't prove my concept, but it gives me some kind of reassurance that there is some potential in the concept. In the end, the most important thing is not to give up. I don't give up that easily. :) No feedback would just motivate me to try harder.

Jan 3 2013:
One of my favorite quotes: "Teachers affect eternity. They can never know where their influence ends." (paraphrased from Henry Brooks Adams).

Feedback is such an interesting piece of our lives! So valuable and yet so often difficult to get. When I post something I've been working on to Facebook or the like, I often get discouraged by a lack of response, wondering if I'm wasting my time and effort (mostly volunteered). Or by the critiques without praise. Somehow my wiring/upbringing leaves me craving the social approval of others far more than I'd like.

I've been a fan of TED for years, sharing videos with students and anyone else I manage to connect with. Last June, I wrote my first TEDed to learn about the new platform. http://ed.ted.com/on/SiuG5bgI
I didn't think about it much until about a month ago when I discovered the lesson had become one of the TEDed Best Flips (more than 50k views, 100 flips and almost 200 responses from people I don't know). That was has been very gratifying.

But having started this, my first TED conversation, and seeing everyone's thoughtful comments and interactions is what is really lighting me up now. Thank you enormously.

Jan 3 2013:
Being able to connect with people around the world, in this way, is SO VALUABLE....in my humble opinion:>)

Feedback in the form of criticism does not seem difficult to get! It benefits all of us to give positive, encouraging, supportive feedback as well....when possible and appropriate. I believe that what we focus on expands, so offering positive feedback helps create a foundation which we can build on to help create a better world?

When I started commenting on TED 3 years ago, I was accused of being too "sugary" and told that "no one can possibly be that positive"....bla....bla....bla!!! I don't give up easily either Dinko:>)

Jan 3 2013:
TED is a great community. When I first came in direct contact with TED I didn't get the whole picture, I just loved to listen to TED Talks. But when I've done a little bit of digging and found out what TED stands for (not as an acronym, but as an movement), I instantly fell in love with TED!
Positive feedback is important and it can help in many ways, just as you said, Colleen, even to help create a better world, but if it stops at just words then it doesn't have a long lasting effect. Putting words into practice is what makes the world better. I guess that people don't have enough of free time to invest in walking the talk... But there must be a way to overcome this obstacle...
I also believe that everyone should get some negative feedback from time to time, just to keep you realistic about your achievements.

Jan 5 2013:
I agree Dinko, that feedback which stops with the words probably doesn't have much effect. I believe that with our words, we program our mind, so if we keep repeating the same words over and over again, that becomes our reality.

With that in mind and heart, the words we use with ourselves and with others are very important and in my perception, can mold our world.

Time is a human construct, and saying we don't have enough time may be an excuse sometimes? I MAKE time for the things that are important to me in the life adventure:>)

Feedback is simply feedback...depends on how we use the information that may be the imiportant piece?

Jan 1 2013:
I've always wanted to be wise.
I thought doing my job cleverly or having good relationships with others would be the very part of being wise.
Sometimes I would regard giving up what I want to pursue as some sort of wise thing to do.
Then there was a wake-up call.
"I am not passionate enough to pursue my dreams."
As time goes by, I will get older and older. Being an adult isn't cool, but while I'm not only physically young, but also mentally(so to speak) young, I want to know, I want to feel what is like to fall in love with what I'm doing.
I aspire to be an enthusiast so that there'd be no regrets of wasting my time while I'm young.

Some might say, making New Year's resolutions stuff would be a cliché, but depending on how we interpret and apply this thing, it still can be a creative way of living our lives and encouraging ourselves, don't you think?

Jan 1 2013:
Hmm, in that case, being an adult would be still beautiful...!

Long time no see, Colleen!
Yeah, it's been a while lol
Btw, did you receive my emails? Ah, what's wrong with our email services, right? lol
I should make a new account on the other website so that I can make a new email address.

Dec 30 2012:
Hi Melissa,
I'm not convinced that new years resolutions tend to be more successful....that doesn't seem to be what I'm hearing all the time.

I have not made new year resolutions for many years, because I learned long ago to start changing something when I recognize something needs changing:>) As soon as I realize something in myself needs changing, I immediately take the steps to begin. It seems that often times, people make a huge list of new year resolutions, and carry through with them for a short time, then abandon the effort. So, although it is good to become aware of those things we would like to change in ourself, it seems sometimes counter productive to have several expectations of ourselves at that time of year. I think/feel it often leads to undermining the effort.

I agree with Maaher, that a continuous self evaluation and progressive development is more appealing:>)

Jan 2 2013:
Well spoken. Absolutely agree with you. Just hate the frustration that comes with looking at that long list and seeing that few is being accomplished. I think it just turns goals into numbers and smothering tasks. Would rather to enjoy each challenge and live it and be proud of attaining it rather than forgetting about it fast to move on to the next goal one on the list! As if finishing that list would grant us the ultimate happiness!

Jan 3 2013:
I wholeheartedly agree Ghina...enjoy the challenge....be fully present in the moment...live it and be proud of attaining it one step at a time:>)

"As if finishing that list would grant us the ultimate happiness". Well said!

I believe that it is HOW we do things, which is often as important or more important than what we do. We can go through the motions of finishing the list....AND/OR.....we can be fully engaged in the journey:>)

Dec 28 2012:
Great question! Mike Evans, in the video up at http://ed.ted.com/on/cu5IwKY6 suggests that, from his review of the research, the new year has a special symbolic meaning for us and is often a period of reflection for lots of people. For me, it also comes after the decadence of the holidays... I'd love it if you checked out the TEDed and could give your feedback. Are you likely to make New Year's resolutions for next year?

Dec 30 2012:
That's a good video. And that's exactly what I'm looking forward in the new year - better habits. No big achievements - just clean up some clogs and lubricate some wheels. It's not necessarily associated with January 1 date. But, perhaps, the video is right. The holiday week is a good time to reflect.

Dec 30 2012:
Melissa and Arkady,
I agree that the end of the year and the beginning of the next year is a good time to reflect. I also believe that the end of the day....beginning of the next day is a good time to reflect....end of the week....beginning of the next week.....or month.......:>)

Jan 3 2013:
Colleen, I totally agree - each new period is an opportunity to start again, each end a chance to reflect on what we want to differently the next time. I've been seeing trips that take me to a new context for a few days as opportunities (or challenges!) for trying to start (or maintain) a new habit I've been wanting to develop.

Dec 28 2012:
I tend to share Arkady's sentiment. Although the influence of an objective time interval might help us with our goals, I feel that working on the core of our motivation (whether that means finding out exactly what motivates us or working on the indirect factors that mitigate our motivation) can be exponentially more powerful.

This reminds me of the "Lean Startup Methodology." My understanding is that with this process, start up companies commit to a path of continuous improvement that includes frequent tweaks to the mission and goals. Several small tech companies swear by it, and I believe that its power comes from developing the core of a team's motivation to constantly improve. Unrelated external situations (such as the turn of the year) are not the catalysts of this drive.

I'm not suggesting that we avoid deeper reflection if the new year compels us to take some time for it, but rather that maybe we should strive to become more reflective on a more consistent basis.

With that said...I am still striving quite a bit :). The new year does have an influence on me, but I have not come up with an objective resolution. I'll post it if I do!

Jan 10 2013:
I seldom make NY resolutions, but this one feels imperative to me- something to keep me from drowning in the mire of hopelessly negative world news. So here it is, 10 days late- but my resolution is to view something on TED at least once a day, kind of like wearing a life preserver! And I don't think it will be hard to keep this one.

Jan 6 2013:
A friend told me that one of the most useful lessons he had on being able to see things from different perspectives came from a little video on Sesame Street: "That's about the size of it." I made a little TEDed of it a few weeks ago: http://ed.ted.com/on/ArGXIcnu. Let me know what you think?

The ability to see things from other perspectives is sooooo powerful! A pity we aren't born with it and that so many people don't even know how to very well. How old do you think you were when this became important to you?

Jan 6 2013:
I am 19 years old now and it really struck me about a year ago when I had just turned 18! It is a really powerful tool and has helped me have better relationships with my friends and family. It would be incredible if everyone practiced this!

Jan 6 2013:
I didn't get it from school - but wish it could be better taught there. I've heard of history professors who nail it, getting students to imagine themselves in the roles of the people they're studying, making decisions in those different contexts and challenges. May I ask, What do you think triggered it for you last year?

Jan 6 2013:
Gavin and Melissa,
Being able to really listen, hear and understand others more is a wonderful practice, and accepting that we can be "wrong" at times facilitates good communications with ourselves and others:>)

Melissa,
You mention the idea of "getting students to imagine themselves in the roles of the people they're studying, making decisions in those different contexts and challenges", and that is another great step....compassion and empathy. When we can practice this, often times we do not need to use the "wrong" label. We are all different, with many different perspectives, perceptions, thoughts, feelings, ideas and beliefs. Often, we do not know the challenges a person is facing, and if WE can sometimes get beyond the "right" and "wrong" labels, we can understand people on another level? What do you think?

Jan 6 2013:
Love it! I've been hearing more about "productive failure" especially from one of my daughters, a recent TEDx presenter. Made this TEDed lesson for her video: http://ed.ted.com/on/myNbnIFE
I've often tried to remember "If you aren't having fun, at least you're probably learning something!"

Jan 7 2013:
The way I've seen "productive failure" used is to reframe an effort that didn't meet the stated objectives as a learning experience that contributes to the next effort. I tried raising money with an IndieGogo campaign last month, launching before I'd known enough about what it'd take to succeed and quickly recognizing that what I'd put up wasn't ready for broader promotion. Made it much easier to refocus my efforts rather than twisting and turning to try to make a dud work. I spent so many hours learning about it as a result of having tried, though, that I'm far more confident about a second effort, and I'm now taking the time to pull all the necessary pieces together. I'm also further along the learning curve than many others I know and am delighted to be able to advise them - crowd-sourced funding is a fantastic way to get support for cool ideas.

I understand what you mean by "productive failure",and it is a great way to reframe an effort that may not have worked out as planned. I believe that life is an exploration...an opportunity to learn, grow and evolve in every moment. So, I don't generally label anything a "failure"....even a "productive failure"...LOL. For me, everything is about learning and moving on to the next step of growth for ourselves and the whole:>)

Jan 4 2013:
I heard an interesting theory the other day on new year resolutions; the theory is that just by proclaiming your resolution you get a feeling of accomplishment and that somehow was said to reduce your changes of fulfilling you goals. Sorry I did not hear the full story I was headed out the door at the time.

But this year instead of proclaiming my resolutions, I will keep them to myself until I do finish accomplishing them.
With that said in 2012 I did join the TED community, made noteworthy improvements to my old 1900 farm house and hard/landscaping, and did start and made major progress of finding out about my ancestry. You know looking back at my accomplishment of last year I do feel more resolved to do more this year, than I think I would have felt by just proclaiming my goals for this year.

P.S. Data mining for ancestry is great mental exercise, for me personally finding no slave owners, union army war veterans, US revolutionary war US army veterans and Viking DNA make having a grandfather that was married 7 times less of a factor.

Jan 2 2013:
I don't know if these plans work for me. I always seem to start my year with some goals, but end up accomplishing other goals. Things change with time, you know?

But I still set goals and write them down. Just to be on the safe side it seems? :P

My ultimate goal for the next year is to become a stronger person. Someone with love, happiness, fearlessness and determination. Planning to accomplish that by pouring my heart into my work and education and just do the best work one can do. Want to add more things to my CV as well.

Jan 1 2013:
Mine is to have no regrets. Although that's very vague and can pertain to anything, I believe the phrase "No Regrets" can help your other New Year's resolutions (If you have any) or any basic goals. By telling yourself to not make any decisions you might regret, might help you make a better decision. Like I said before, this can be seen very vaguely. For example, you're with friends having fun at some party, like let's say its Karaoke night and you have a decision to sing or not. You can either say to yourself "I don't want to go up and sing and regret embarrassing myself" or you can say "I don't want to regret NOT going up and have fun." Obviously I prefer the second choice. Use the guilt of regret as a tool to help encourage you to do something (positive of course). But honestly, this was my "goal' and "New Year's resolution" since forever but I haven't done a good job following it. So now, I'm filled with regret, regretting to not have any regrets such as this. To everyone else who experiences the same problem, hopefully we'll all do a better job this year! Happy New Year!

Jan 3 2013:
An admirable and challenging goal! I went looking for the quote you reminded me of and found a whole bunch at http://www.quoteland.com/topic/Regret-Remorse-Quotes/123/ - some quite good. The one I was thinking of, to echo your sentiment re: jumping in looks a lot like Lucille Ball's: "I'd rather regret the things I have done than the things that I haven't." I wish you a very engaging regret-free (or regret-lite) New Year!

Jan 3 2013:
That's an awesome question! I've become a lot more mindful over the years, especially now that I teach it so often. In my approach, it's as simple as asking myself a question like: "why am I doing this in this way?" Works great often - gives me lots of opportunities to improve on how I do what I do.

Being mindful 100% of the time I think is an impressive goal. For myself, I've been focusing especially on being more mindful in the times when I think it matters most, like when my emotions are starting to make rational thinking difficult, and are making the risks of poor decision making higher. Asking myself questions then seems to have dramatically improved the quality of my interactions with others - I don't often say things I regret anymore. Crucial Conversations, by Patterson et al, has some wonderful perspective and techniques for this.

A few years ago, I worked with a wonderful man who'd founded a nonprofit years ago with a somewhat ambiguous mission. I asked him what impact he most wanted the work to have and he answered that he wanted everyone to be thinking critically all the time. I don't think it's possible to do that, to be questioning everything all the time. So much of how we get through our days is based on the consistency of our environment - the aspects of life we can comfortably expect to function as expected most of the time. One of the biggest puzzles I've been working on is how we can trigger mindfulness at the important times. For the emotional stuff, I teach my students to pay more attention to the signs that their emotions are starting to flood - elevated heart rate, flushed skin, tightening stomach... If they can notice when that starts happening and understand that their fight/flight responses are kicking in, they have more of a chance to turn on their mindfulness before doing an unmindful autopilot reaction.

Jan 8 2013:
I am a very emotionally driven person myself and I could absolutely use your advice.

It is good to be on the safe side and to be in control of what we say or do. But a question I am interested in is, do we really know what to say or do to control it? Or we think that we know whats best and we act upon it?

I am just wondering if mindfulness should be used for a better self control. What do you think?

I thought you didn't just mentioned Derek Sivers' Talk. I don't have much habits that need to be changed or improved. my goals are unlimited as I set them every day because everyday we encounter ourselves with new challanges and overcome these challanges are (and can be) goals too.

To answer your last question, I would simply say, I ask myself several questions (examening my goal) and if the majority of the answers are with YES, then I create paths to approuch my goal.

This kind of approuch is used by Roman Emperors... they built roads that led to conquer the world.
They didn-t build castles and stayed inside. They explored, they reached out to grap their goal,

Jan 10 2013:
I intend to facilitate 100,000 new sign-ups on Safe Worlds TV. Sounds like a big number but when this thing kicks off in early February there will be a stampede to get in first - of course I am already in so it's my job to tell everyone else. Find out why at www.safeworldstv.info