Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #278
March 12th, 2001
The Opening Word:
Just a couple different things on my mind going into this week ...
People need to seriously relax about the XFL cheerleader skit, or just come
out and admit already that they will always, for the rest of their lives,
criticize anything and everything Vince McMahon involves himself with. Save
us the trouble of trying to guess who you really are.
I saw the cheerleader skit, and when it was done I knew I had seen a joke
that few would get and only Vince McMahon would find funny. I got the joke,
I just didn't think it was that funny--kind of like most of the last
twenty-five years of "Saturday Night Live". In fact, look no further than
that show for inspiration for the gag. What, did people not notice the
repeated plugs for it during the game? What viewers are the XFL trying to
attract now? Well, the league has tanked with McMahon's wrestling fans, as
well as sports fans whose football interest peaked in January. So why not go
for SNL fans? That's exactly who that joke was supposed to appeal to. It's
funny to see McMahon and the WWF and the XFL being criticized for its sexual
content, then tuning into SNL and seeing an opening monologue featuring
Conan O'Brien's sidekick Max Weinberg having sex with a woman on his desk,
the nudity barely pixelated out. Say, didn't at least one of the WWF's
current writers previously write for the Conan O'Brien show? And wasn't
Conan O'Brien a past SNL writer? Are we all finally seeing the big picture
here?
Apparently not. Remember when I joked about Phil Mushnick last week? Some
joke--Phil went ahead and lived down to expectations, blasting McMahon for
the Trish Stratus angle, tenuously tying it in to that high school shooting
in California last week. Oh sure, he didn't come right out and say one
caused the other, he just insinuated it's the WWF that's causing the
disaffected youth of America to go out an kill each other. This from the man
who's compared the WWF to a Columbian drug cartel, and blasted the United
Nations for taking money from Ted Turner, who once owned WCW. Kudos to you,
Mr. Mushnick! You keep on tilting at that windmill.
Let me get off Vince McMahon critics, because that's not quite what I want
to write about this week. Forget those who are out to get McMahon because
they think he's the devil. Let's instead get on Vince McMahon's case because
he's letting the WWF go all to hell.
Ah, maybe I'm just bitter because pro wrestling looks to be on the verge of
slipping into the toilet for the next couple of years. ECW is dead, dead
DEAD. OFFICIALLY dead. R.I.P. And WCW, none of their fans will admit it, but
that company is pretty damn close to dead too, maybe as close as three
weeks. Even if Fusient does take the plunge and buy the company, the odds
are about a hundred-to-one of them turning the company around and delivering
a product remotely competitive with the WWF. Hell, things are starting to
look bad for the WWF itself, what with the XFL draining the coffers, and TV
ratings going back into another slump like in January.
It's always been said that WCW will only beat the WWF if the WWF helps them
out by going into a nosedive, like they did in the mid-90's. If things
don't change WCW might get its wish. The problem for them is this time
around they don't have a Ted Turner willing to spend endless amounts of
money. They now have an owner who, if it can't sell them, will shut them
down, and prospective new owners who must figure out some week to stop the
company's losing two million dollars EVERY WEEK.
You know what I did this past weekend? I watched a bunch of old wrestling
tapes. Now, I haven't done that since about 1996, around the time the battle
between the WWF and WCW was really heating up. That means for the first time
in half a decade I couldn't get a satisfactory wrestling fix, and that's
with more wrestling on TV than ever before.
I didn't get to see SmackDown! until late Saturday night, because the main
UPN station in all of Minnesota decided to show high school hockey instead.
It wasn't worth the extra two night wait. So on Sunday I threw in some old
tapes.
One of them had some Jerry "The King" Lawler matches from the 80's. Lawler
was feuding with Austin Idol--I wonder whatever happened to that guy? You
know who Idol's manager was? Paul "E. Dangerously" Heyman. Talk about
ironic. Or something.
I hope Vince McMahon learns a lesson from this XFL debacle. He needs to
realize he can't, like a pied piper, lead wrestling fans to other places of
interest. None of us are going to care about "Tough Enough" on MTV. Most of
us aren't going to give that bounty hunter show he's producing a second
look. We're only going to buy so many "WWF: The Music" volumes or wrestler
biographies before we shout "enough already!"
Focus on the WWF Vince, because dammit--it's starting to stumble, and with
ECW gone and WCW circling the bowl, the WWF has to shoulder an even greater
burden of satisfying the fix of wrestling fans. With only one wrestling
promotion out there fans are going to start losing interest. I know this can
happen because it did before ... to me.
Back in 1992 all the Twins Cities stations I could get stopped carrying WWF
shows (and at the time my cable company didn't carry the USA Network). That
left WCW. I'm sure those who watched back then remember how bad it was. By
1993 I had stopped watching wrestling almost entirely. It took Hulk Hogan
going to WCW, and finally getting the USA Network in 1994, for me to get
interested in wrestling again.
(Wow ... I just read a piece by Don LeBarba on 1Wrestling.com telling a
similar story. We both lost interest in wrestling at about the same time,
for nearly the same length of time.)
This week marks the 278th installment of the Monday Night Recap. While I
foresee writing #'s 279 and 280, I'm not sure if there's going to be a 281.
If come April 2nd WCW is gone, and the WWF is recovering from another
disappointing WrestleMania, what's the point of going on?
Whatever happens, it looks like WCW will be going away after March 26th.
Whether they come back, with Fusient as its new owners, or someone else, or
AOL Time Warner deciding to keep it going, we'll just have to wait and see.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
WCW Monday Nitro:
Live/Taped: Live.
Length: Two Hours.
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee.
Hosted By: Tony Schiavone & Scott Hudson.
HOUR ONE:
- Hmm ... Knoxville, Tennessee. If they were bringing in Jerry "The King"
Lawler, tonight would be the night to do it. Or, knowing that we fans
know that, teasing that to be the case (even if it really isn't). Either
one explains that "main event-level wrestler and wrestling personality
have been spotted in Tennessee speaking with promotion officials" blurb
on WCW's website.
- Yet another cold start, making the show look not so much unpredictable as
sloppy. Jeff Jarrett is on his way to the ring. Just after his pyro goes
off Dustin Rhodes appears in the ring behind Jarrett, and he starts
pounding on him. He puts him away with a kick to the nuts, now dubbed the
"Dust Buster". Schiavone starts screaming about a limousine arriving, and
them patching into the security camera, as Dustin is walking back up the
aisle. They show the limo on the big screen. Schiavone starts identifying
various Magnificent 7 members, and for some reason thinks it's really
noteworthy that Buff Bagwell is carrying a camcorder. (Hmm ... Buff ...
a camcorder ... it really must be spring break coming soon.) Why couldn't
they just have shown Bagwell grabbing a random cameraman and telling him
to film them, rather than all this hokey, contrived Camcorder business?
A commercial break here marks this as one of the lamest openers to Nitro
ever.
- A replay shows Dustin's kick didn't come within a country mile of
Jarrett's testicles. Marvelous production work there.
- Buff's "camcorder" comes to life, as we've somehow patched into what it's
taping. The picture is cluttered with frames and target crosshairs and
"recording" with a blinking light--all things you see when you look into
the viewfinder of a camcorder, but stuff that isn't actually recorded.
Buff tapes Ric Flair, Animal, Midajah(!), Scott & Rick Steiner and Lex
Luger. Flair says he's making a documentary. He's survived, while guys
like Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage and Roddy Piper haven't. They're not coming
back, now that Flair has mentioned them, are they? By the way, imagine
all this being taped as if it were Michael J. Fox working as an MTV
cameraman. The picture keeps swooping and weaving and zooming in-and-out
for no reason. Jarrett comes in and complains about not having backup.
They tell him not to arrive at the arena before them. Flair then takes
Scott Steiner aside and says he has a plan. The camera keeps cutting out
as if the battery is running low.
- Can you believe they trashed a limo last week! On Thunder!! To hype the
Kanyon/M.I. Smooth feud!!!
- Oh for the love of ... there's security at ringside guarding three chairs
set up for "WCW's new owners," who are "rumored" to be appearing tonight.
And yes, this *is* followed by another commercial.
- Something's happening backstage. Something's happening backstage.
Something's happening backstage. An hour or two later the switch away
from the crowd shot to the Buff-Cam. Midajah has been laid out. Steiner
yells at everybody as if they had something to do with it.
- Recap of the Cruiserweight Tag Team Tournament.
- ELIX SKIPPER/KID ROMEO vs. THE JUNG DRAGONS
Skipper & Romeo should be called "Copyright Infringement" because of the
entrance themes. Good match with lots of high spots, which Skipper &
Romeo win when Skipper pins Yang.
More fun with the Magnificent 7 backstage. Who laid out Midajah has now
become a full-blown mystery, and the fact that Diamond Dallas Page is the
obvious suspect escaping everyone.
- TEAM CANADA vs. THE MAMALUKES
Ugly, short match with several blown moves. Mike Awesome pins Big Vito.
Konnan & Hugh Morrus do a post-match run-in for the hell of it.
- Stacy Kiebler (Miss Hancock) makes her return, pushing a baby carriage to
the ring. That's three of the women WCW supposedly fired back on TV in
the last two weeks. You can tell the dress she's wearing is coming off
soon. Stacy says having her baby made her think, and she wants us to meet
her new baby. Out comes Shawn Stasiak. Stasiak has "Mecca" on his trunks,
as in "Mecca of Manhood". (Isn't that offensive in the same vein as Chris
Jericho being called the "Ayatollah of Rock & Roll-a"?) Shawn starts
talking, and just as I'm pointing out to my brother that he's just a fake
laugh away from sounding like Shane Douglas ... he does the fake laugh.
Stacy tears off the baggy maternity dress, revealing a little black
number that shows more leg, but actually looks less sexy. Go figure.
Stacy grabs a bundle out of the baby carriage, which turns out to be a
stack of glossy photos of Stasiak. Shawn starts tossing them to the
crowd, and bless them--some fans actually throw them back! Stasiak then
rips on the fans for being bald, tattooed and toothless. That's the cue
for Bam Bam Bigelow(!) to come out. It's a good thing that Bigelow
decided to show up tonight for the first time in months, and that he just
happened to be close to both a monitor and the stage, and that the
production people had his entrance music and video on hand to cue up in
the approximately six seconds that passed from Stasiak making the insult
to Bigelow coming out. I'm beginning to suspect wrestling is fake.
Bigelow challenges Stasiak to a match at Greed. Talk about pulling an
undercard from your ass. Plus one point for resolving the Hancock
pregnancy, minus one point for the smarmy way they did it.
Bagwell has taken the tape from his "camcorder" and the Magnificent 7 is
watching it to see who beat up Midajah. Replay of some of the stuff we
saw earlier, only this time there's a "low battery" added to the picture
that I don't remember being there before. Somehow the signal running from
the VCR playing the tape to the TV they're watching is also being routed
directly to us viewers, as opposed to the Buff-Cam taping the picture off
the TV screen. Amazing. At this point we're only one step away from
seeing things through the wrestlers' eyes and hearing what they think.
On the tape, one by one everyone filters out. Bagwell is the last out,
saying he has to get a new battery. So of course he leaves the camera
running and he sets it down. Moments later a hand appears over the lens,
and turns it towards the wall. We then hear Midajah screaming and stuff
being broken. Back live, Steiner complains that we can't see anything. I
still say DDP is the obvious suspect, though it has to be someone who was
in the room, because how would DDP know the camera was running and needed
to be turned away? Now we know why it had to be a camcorder and not a
live cameraman. It had to be a camcorder so the battery could run low so
Buff could put it down while still running so it could be turned to the
wall as Midajah was attacked.
My head hurts.
I should note that Schiavone can't decide which is more earth shattering:
Midajah getting laid out (why don't they just ask her who did it?); or
the new owners arriving tonight.
- I'm having a real hard time paying attention to Booker T there in the
ring. He's all sweaty, his eyes are bugging out, and his hair is sticking
up like worms. Scott Steiner comes out to rebut, then Diamond Dallas Page
is out, and finally Lex Luger sneaks in and attacks Booker T.
HOUR TWO:
BOOKER T vs. LEX LUGER
Luger immediately locks in the Torture Rack, and the ref calls for the
bell. That's just to start the match, though. In any case it tips that
Luger is going to do the job, but needed an ego stroker to save face.
Sure enough, Booker hits the Rock Bottom and scores the pin. Rick Steiner
then runs in, then Ernest "The Cat" Miller, then Kanyon, and good god
let's just move on.
Who beat up Midajah? Will the new owners show up? What about Ric Flair's
documentary?
- Clips from Thunder are shown.
- EVAN KARAGIAS vs. SHANE HELMS
The upper deck fans must be making a whole lotta noise, as the ones we
can see at ringside are just sitting there, not moving, not reacting to
anything in this match. Who beat up Midajah? Technically sound yet boring
match. Helms wins with the Vertebreaker. Chavo Guerrero, Jr. then runs in
and leaves Helms laying.
- Spring Break-Out clips.
- M.I. Smooth asks Disco Inferno to let him have his match against Kanyon
tonight. Disco tells him to go warm up the limo instead. Smooth flattens
Disco with one punch. This scene is courtesy Arena Security Cam, which is
apparently WCW's way of explaining all these improbable backstage
encounters being caught on tape.
- Dusty & Dustin Rhodes, in an interview taped last week, say Ric Flair
will have to kiss Dusty's ass if they lose at Greed. Ric Flair & Jeff
Jarrett then offer their point of view.
- 1-800-COLLECT ... AOL ... 1-800-COLLECT ... AOL ... 1-800-COLLECT ...
AOL ... 1-800-COLLECT ... AOL ... 1-800-COLLECT ... AOL ... 1-800-COLLECT
... AOL ... 1-800-COLLECT ... AOL ... 1-800-COLLECT ... AOL ...
- Will the new owners show up?
- KANYON vs. M.I. SMOOTH
If you haven't yet figured out the magnificent pun that is Smooth's name,
say out loud "am I smooth?" Smooth takes a full NINETY seconds to limp
from the stage to the ring. Why is he limping if he has a concussion and
two slipped disks? For the next four minutes Kanyon stomps on, kicks and
whacks Smooth with chairshots. Smooth won't stay down. Kanyon eventually
runs away, and no decision is announced. No crowd reaction for Smooth's
superhuman effort. Why? Because it's M.I. SMOOTH!
- In a replay of last week the Steiner Brothers come out to cut a promo,
then they go to a commercial.
- RICK STEINER vs. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE
Schiavone starts screaming that something is happening backstage. I guess
we can't see it, though, because the only cameras in the building are
pointed at the ring, the security cameras, or Bagwell's camcorder. We see
Scott Hudson sprint to the back. Rick Steiner dominates the entire match,
only to be laid out by a Diamond Cutter. Animal then runs in, causing a
DQ. God, the sale must have gone through, 'cuz that finish stinks of
Bischoff. Animal blows the ONE THING he's called upon to do this week: a
powerbomb. Cut to the back, where Booker T and the Cat have been laid out
and are being attended to by EMT's. Like the cutaway last week we are
shown this far too briefly for it to have any effect. The Magnificent 7
stomp on DDP until security comes out to break it up. DDP staggers up the
ramp, only to be attacked by Scott Steiner, wielding a lead pipe. He
slaps on the Steiner Recliner, and Rick lays in some kicks, as the show
fades out.
- This Wednesday: Nothing announced.
- Next week: Nothing announced.
Comments:
It should be an FCC violation for a show to be this bad. The perfect finish
would have been for a camera to turn to Tony Schiavone, and to have him say
"from all of us, to all of you," while extending his middle finger. I'm not
even going to bother with the whole "new owners" thing, as I have neither
the energy nor inclination to spare WCW another moment's thought this week.
Here's the card for Greed:
* Scott Steiner vs. Diamond Dallas Page. World Heavyweight Title Match.
* Rick Steiner vs. Booker T. United States Title Match.
* Dusty Rhodes & Dustin Rhodes vs. Ric Flair & Jeff Jarrett.
* Chuck Palumbo & Sean O'Haire vs. Totally Buffed. Tag Team Title Match.
* Chavo Guerrero, Jr. vs. Shane Helms. Cruiserweight Title Match.
* Elix Skipper & Kid Romeo vs. Billy Kidman & Rey Mysterio, Jr.
Cruiserweight Tag Team Title Match.
* Team Canada vs. Hugh Morrus & Konnan.
* Kanyon vs. Ernest "The Cat" Miller.
* Shawn Stasiak vs. Bam Bam Bigelow.
$30 to see Dusty Rhodes' ass. Unbelievable.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
WWF RAW is WAR:
Live/Taped: Live.
Length: Two Hours+.
Location: Los Angeles, California.
Hosted By: Jim Ross & Paul Heyman.
WWF RAW:
- Kurt Angle is in the parking area waiting for someone to arrive.
- Tonight: Big Show vs. the Undertaker in a Hardcore Title match.
- THE HARDY BOYZ (w/ Lita) vs. X-PAC/JUSTIN CREDIBLE
Jeff Hardy gets dumped out onto Lita, which is sure to add fuel to the
Hardyz split. Our heroes get the win via DQ when Albert(!) runs in to
break up a Matt Hardy pin attempt. Albert then chucks Jeff three rows
back into the crowd (well, a cleared-out section, but you get the drift).
On the surface Albert seems like an odd addition to X-Pac's team ... and
it's just as odd when you look deeper. Actually if they give Albert a new
look, and add a woman to the group, there could be some potential there.
They should steal Tori away from Raven. Of course X-Pac has a stormy past
with Tori, but that could work its way into the storyline. Albert can
play Diesel to X-Pac's Shawn Michaels. Does that make Credible Triple H?
Angle greets the late-arriving William Regal, new commissioner of the
WWF. Angle demands a rematch against the Rock, but Regal is in a hurry,
as he has an announcement to make in front of the crowd.
- Actor Dennis Hopper is in the crowd.
- Eddie Guerrero, Dean Malenko & Perry Saturn are going to take care of
Chris Benoit tonight. They split up. Saturn is then jumped by Benoit, who
puts him into a wall, then makes him squeal with the Crippler Crossface.
- Commissioner Regal makes his way to the ring. This is the first night of
the Regal Regime. Our new commish can't stand suck-ups and brown-nosers.
His first official act is to book the match Kurt Angle requested. Regal
then uses his name ("anagram?"--I think he means "acronym"): "R" is for
"respect". "E" is for "education". "G" is for--at which point Chris
Jericho comes out. "'G' is for 'Good God Regal, would you please SHUT THE
HELL UP!'" Jericho cues up a clip of him spoiling Regal's first night
back in the WWF, where he was giving the fans a lesson in table manners.
Jericho gives his own "anagram" using "Y2J". Regal isn't pleased about
being besmirched in this manner.
- CHRISTIAN vs. D-VON DUDLEY
Christian pulls out a move I don't think I've seen before. He does like a
reverse DDT (Slop Drop?) onto his knee! Brutal. Late in the match The ref
nearly gets crunched in the corner by D-Von, but the Dudley Boy puts on
the brakes. Christian follows with a clothesline and the ref bites it
anyway. Christian then has a chair, but Buh-Buh Ray Dudley runs out and
grabs it. The Dudleyz then deliver the 3-D. I can't believe how crazy
crowds (this one included) get over that move. D-Von covers and gets the
pin. That earns the Dudley Boyz a rematch against the Hardy Boyz.
Another limo has arrived. Paul Heyman starts shouting that whoever that
is should be seriously fined for arriving so late. Vince McMahon & Trish
Stratus exit the limo. Jim Ross: "Never mind, right?" Vince says to Trish
that since they're in Hollywood, maybe the two of them should do a
Hollywood sex scene out in the middle of the ring.
What?!
- Dean Malenko just passes through a door when it's slammed shut behind
him by someone. It's Benoit, and he lays in a beating. He then lets Eddie
in.
- The Coach gets comments from Regal in his office, which is adorned with
an antique desk, old rotary-style phone, and a picture of the Queen
Mother on the wall. Regal announces that Jericho will be facing the
entire Right To Censor later tonight.
- Michael Cole gets comments from Kurt Angle. Angle vows to break the
Rock's ankle, and if Debra gets in his way ... *snap!*
- CHRIS BENOIT vs. EDDIE GUERRERO
Ohmygod this is a sweet match. Very stiff, with lots of chops by both
men. Benoit busts out the Rolling German Suplex. Guerrero unleashes a
vertical suplex, holds on, and delivers a second. Fast forward through
some near falls to the finish. Guerrero misses a Frog Splash. Benoit in
for the German Suplex, but Eddie grabs the rope. Benoit starts punching.
Fireman's carry by Guerrero, and a pin cover, but Benoit escapes and
locks on the Crippler Crossface for the win. Wow. I think I missed a
crucial move or two there, but I can't check my tape right now because my
brother has confiscated it, and has locked himself in a room to watch it
over and over.
Vince & Trish ... NEXT!
WWF WAR ZONE:
- I'm going to have to blow through this hour because I'm already like a
day late with this thing, and I can't get my tape back from my brother.
I'll have to rely on the notes I took as the show aired.
Vince & Trish hit the ring. Clips are shown of Trish's recent
humiliations and degradations. Dennis Hopper seems to enjoy it. Vince
says he and Trish are going to do a sex scene. Trish lays down on the
mat. Vince lays down next to her. She then whispers in his ear, and Vince
says that's a good idea, that they'll go off and continue this somewhere
else. The crowd boos. Vince's music starts playing, and he yells for it
to be cut because he's not finished. Out comes Shane McMahon! Big crowd
pop. Shane doesn't seem pleased with the actions of his father. Vince
says they haven't talked for some time, and offers his hand. Shane
refuses it. So Vince asks for a hug ... and Shane punches him! Shane's
pounding on Vince. Here comes Regal to pull Shane off. Shane spears
Regal! That could be a decent match, between those two. Vince & Trish
make their escape, and are shortly thereafter seen piling into their
limo.
- CHRIS JERICHO vs. RIGHT TO CENSOR (w/ Ivory)
Jericho almost manages to survive here, and the RTC members tease some
kind of dissention, but in the end Venis kills Jericho with a wicked
clothesline and gets the pin. Commissioner Regal watched the match in his
office and made faces.
Steve Austin bursts in on Kurt Angle and warns him nothing better happen
to Debra.
- XFL announcer Dick Butkis is shown in the crowd. That's followed by some
XFL clips. THAT is followed by Jim Ross begging the fans to contact their
local news media outlets and demand that the XFL get the coverage it
deserves. Oh, that is so ... oh ... dear god ... have SOME dignity.
- The Undertaker is in the back on his motorcycle, getting ready for his
match against the Big Show, when he's attacked from behind by Triple H.
He's just about to deliver a final chairshot when Kane enters the area.
Triple H departs. Kane is then blindsided by the Big Show, who chokeslams
him through a table. Hey, is that a big roll of paper towels underneath
the Undertaker's front tire?
- The APA is at WWF New York.
- Now Austin warns the Rock that nothin' better happen to Debra.
- Recap of Chyna's injury at the Royal Rumble. Chyna will face Ivory for
the Women's Championship at WrestleMania.
- TEST vs. RAVEN
Squash. Test retains the European Title by pin after a big boot to the
face.
Angle ... the Rock ... Debra & Stone Cold ... NEXT!!!
- KURT ANGLE vs. THE ROCK (w/ Debra)
How can you complain about the same two guys facing each other so many
times if they always have great matches? Angle hits some nice suplexes
early. Remember when we used to complain that the Rock never sold? Angle
hits the Olympic Slam a number of times, and each time Ross calls it the
"Angle Slam". Whuzzup with that? I should note that Heyman is doing a
really good job on commentary here, as he also did earlier during the
Benoit match. After a brief excursion to the floor Angle is rolled back
in, clipping referee Earl Hebner in the process. Rock with a People's
Elbow and a cover, but the ref is slow in making the count, and Angle
kicks out. Rock goes over to yell at Hebner, and ends up in the Angle
ankle submission. The crowd goes buts. The Rock reaches the rope, but
Angle won't relinquish the hold. Rock starts tapping out. The bell rings,
Angle having been DQ'ed for disobeying the referee. Not a great finish,
but a great match anyway. Debra enters the ring to try to talk some sense
into Angle. He knocks her down and goes for the ankle! Here comes Stone
Cold! Angle is sent packing. Austin barely bothers to check on his wife
as he lines his sights on the Rock, and catches him with the Stone Cold
Stunner! MONSTER pop from the crowd. WrestleMania's going to be great if
they don't get too cute and let this match just happen. Austin stalks
off, without a second look at either the Rock or Debra. Interesting ...
- This Thursday: Nothing announced.
- Next week: Nothing announced.
Comments:
The second hour went on autopilot there for awhile, and the stuff with Ross
and the XFL was really embarrassing, but otherwise this was one tremendous
installment of RAW. Two great matches, plus a decent angle in the return of
Shane McMahon ... you can't ask for much more than that.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Bottom Line:
Vince McMahon should buy WCW.
I know, we've been though all this before, but hear me out.
We all know WCW is doomed. Either it gets shut down a few weeks from now, or
Fusient buys it and racks up a ton of losses before giving up. Maybe a
miracle happens and WCW is able to limp along for a few years, and they
happen to discover the next Rock or Triple H, or the WWF totally collapses
and they get the real Rock or Triple H, but let's face it--when your only
hope is to pray for a miracle, it's not smart money to bet on your success.
At least if Vince buys the company it'll be a sure thing for a couple of
years. A WWF versus WCW feud will be pure money. And maybe when that runs
its course Vince will keep WCW around as a farm league to feed the WWF. If
he doesn't, and he shuts WCW down, at worst it will have just been the
inevitable delayed. Then we can pray for those miracles again, like Hulk
Hogan starting a new company with all that newly-unemployed talent, or
someone buys the WCW name from Vince and tries to make a go of it, or maybe
... and maybe ... and maybe ...
Assuming Vince was really serious about buying WCW, he would own it now were
it not for Viacom putting the breaks on the deal. They've got the WWF
exclusively on their networks (TNN, UPN, MTV), and they didn't want Vince
doing shows on competing networks (TNT, TBS). They would have wanted what
essentially amounted to a monetary kickback. The cost of that would have
eaten up whatever profits Vince could have wrung out of WCW, so he pulled
his bid to buy the company.
Things have changed since then. Business has taken a downturn for the WWF.
They're not in bad shape right now--far from it, actually--but in six
months, a year, two years, things might not be so good. Vince could go to
Viacom and argue that he NEEDS to buy WCW, not just for the good of the
wrestling business, but to make the WWF/Viacom partnership economically
viable for both sides.
With WCW completely gone the WWF will continue to lose viewers. It would
take an extraordinary burst of creativity (there are those miracles again)
for the WWF to rise back up to that viewership level they were at during
their peak. They've already dropped from the 5-plus ratings they were doing
on USA to the low-to-mid-4's on TNN. By next year they could be down to the
3's, and from there it's not a far drop to the mid-2's they were doing
before Monday Nitro came along and kickstarted the entire business. If the
WWF can't turn things around soon we're going to start hearing about Viacom
wanting to renegotiate their deal. As it stands they're currently paying
something like four or five times as much money to air WWF shows as USA did,
yet the ratings have gone down. Even if USA was getting WWF programming at a
bargain it's going to be hard to convince Viacom that they aren't being
gouged. Having to negotiate a new less-lucrative deal, on top of the losses
incurred by the XFL, is going to be bad news for the value of WWF stock,
which is already hovering near record low levels.
I know people don't want McMahon to own WCW because he would then have a
monopoly and blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Wake up people: Vince McMahon HAS
the monopoly on the wrestling business. He has for some time. WCW may have
been profitable for a year or two out of its decade-plus of existence, but
it was never cost-effective. It took a lot of luck, a curious timing of
circumstances, and Eric Bischoff wringing a boatload of money out of Ted
Turner to ever-so-briefly put WCW on top of the business. For 82 weeks WCW
was on top of the WWF in the Monday night ratings. The WWF matched that mark
and passed it, what ... six months ago? People forget that before The Streak
the WWF was kicking WCW's butt for YEARS.
That's not going to change. The question now is will the WWF be strong on
top, or are we going back to the early 90's, when the WWF began the slump
that left them vulnerable to WCW several years later.
Maybe the McMahon-haters out there are hoping for that day when, in the year
2006, WCW rises from the ashes (or someone else comes along with a new
company) and puts the struggling WWF in its place. Call me selfish, but I'd
rather see an interesting WWF *and* WCW for the next couple of years, rather
than losing interest and following things from afar, casually, waiting for
the business to become interesting again.
I think Vince McMahon could do that by buying WCW.
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"Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 2001 by
John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those
of "USLink". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for info on how
to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week.
Volume One, Number 278 of the "Monday Night Recap", March 12th, 2001.