Tuesday, 24 December 2013

Today its Christmas, Everyone goes to the church to celebrate Jesus
Birthday with their family and friend.. On this same day a girl
entered the church, grabbed a pew and sat quietly having no one besides
her, no friends, no family and no near and dear ones, only eyes full of
tears and heart full of pain. She stared at the statue of Jesus, It
felt like each and every movement of her pupils were asking so many
questions to God..

Why I am alone today?
Where are my friends?
Where is the person who says he loves me?
Where is the person who claims that he is there for me?
Where are the people who pretend to be in her thick and thin?

as
these questions came out of her heart, her eyes sparkled..sparkled
with tears.. giving her support and whispering into her ears to let them
come out, enforcing her to flow away her pain through them with a
promise that her grief will become less.

She took out a
tissue, held it at the corner of her eyes and went against what her
tears were telling her to do.. she did not let them come out, she
gathered herself again and stares at the statues, She is feeling
something shattering down inside her but she wanted to ignore it , she ain't wanna cry!
At that moment something happened, She stared at the corner of the Church pillar, It felt like she was
talking to someone...She was intending to communicate with something, something strange which was erasing her pains for
the moment, I guess she saw something which gives her the strength to
hold herself back and again fight with her worry and woes.. She smiles
and get off the pew, wipes her tear again before it comes out. This time
She looked content, she looked happy, She looked satisfied as in someone
had given all the answers of her questions... she was not the same
person at all who had entered the Church.. That spark was there
again.. but this time it had a different aspect, the spark had already
changed its way from her eyes to her face. She left the Church as
quietly as she had entered. Ya'll must be as
curious to know what was that which cast a spell on her, As the way I was curious too what was THAT
thing which turns her face from sad to happy..???

The answer had got tears in my eyes, made my tongue so numb. I felt so pure by heart. There
was a shiver which ran down inside me. Something which filled me with
hope, joy, happiness, contentedness. Something which inspired me to believe in the sanctity of Churches. My Dear Friends, The corner of the church pillar where the girl was staring , She saw
nothing but only A Frame which had a picture of a Jesus holding his arms
outstretched and looking peacefully at the person whoever looks at'em. There was something written on it which I think was the only
and the best answer for all the questions of that girl and sometimes its all of us who go through the pain of life

This was
the line which had given that girl a new hope to live, new hope to smile
and a new hope to be happy even when there is no one beside her.. I
think those lines were few but very true.. I have hope in Jesus, Do
You..?

Wednesday, 11 December 2013

I am such a bitch!! stupid, idiot and so unorganised!! Shea!!
I do not have my own lappy... I use my office's PC to blog... sneakingly! So today I was writing my post and the topic was so touchy that I went writing on and on and on... Generally I do that and when any senior comes I switch the screen to my report page so that when they come to check they find me working... (I am so clever, whatever) I blog what comes in my mind instantly. Like others, I don't ponder about what should be my blog topic or title or what should I write in my post which will attract more reader.. nah!! I said it in my introduction post before that "I will speak my heart out to ya'll" So with that thought in my mind I was penning down my thoughts. I was so engaged in my post that I could barely noticed my senior on the floor.. Suddenly I noticed him coming towards my table to check with me... I was sooooooooooooooosoooooooooo so damn flummoxed by his approach to me that unknowingly I started tapping my fingers on the keyboard and holding my mouse from left to right so abruptly and my eyes on that senior at the same time and theeeeeen.... what the efff!!! I deleted my post my pressing Ctrl Z and to make it more worst I had find myself in a home page of google!! Arrrggghhh!!! I had NO option of getting my post back even pressing Ctrl Y , buhuhuhuhuhuhu!!! :( I felt so sorry for myself for being so dumb at that moment... but no use cuz "jo ho gaya so ho gaya" (what's done cannot be undone). I wish I'd had Ginnie who can fulfil my 3 wishes at this moment... I'd asked him....

Tuesday, 10 December 2013

Holla!!
Y'all might be thinking why suddenly posting of this song has appeared in here... Its becuz i am too influenced with this song at the moment.... i wanna feel the sovereignty in my life now though it has erupted very lately in me.... but "Jab Jage Tab Hi Savera" (Its Better Late Than Never)... now I have opened my eyes to this new world where I will do whatever I like and live however I want to... I am done with being fake it till you make it...my goodbyes to my old stinging memories.....
woohoooo!!! Say HELLO to the New World !!

Love me or hate me, it's still an obsession.
Love me or hate me, that is the question.
If you love me then thank you!
If you hate me then fuck you!

Thursday, 10 October 2013

Holla!!!
How are ya'll sweople? As ya'll know I am from Kolkata and yeah festive time is hitting here.I guess ya'll have heard about durga puja.. Innit?? Durga Pujaalso referred to as Durgotsava or Sharadotsav is an annual Hindu festival in South Asia that celebrates worship of the Hindu goddess Durga.
As far as I know, nowadays loads of mythological drama series have come up which are based on the legends of various God. One of them is "Mahadev" which is getting too popular among the gurls, its a mythological drama series based on the legends of Shiva.And the good thing is this serial is being noticed by young gurls from various countries too.One of the solid reason of getting such TRP is choosing dhansu Errr.. I mean choosing good looking actors to play as a Protagonist... (imagine gurls giving cheesy comments on God being SEXY on social networking..!!! LOL)

sexy mama :p (Mohit Raina as Mahadev Avatar)

I even heard from couple of my gurlfriends (who are staying abroad) that they droll over the TV whenever they see Mohit Raina as Mahadev Avatar *hakhakhakhakhak* anyways all in all I wanted to enlighten ya'll about Goddess Durga, and I don't think of any better way to make you see some more varieties of Indian Culture through Indian telle serials. Though I am a christian gurl and have nothing to do with such topics but since i stay in Kolkata, a place where colour, cast, religion and blood never matters, what matter the most is we are Kolkatans and we celebrate even the smallest festival together.Durgotsav is starting from today (10th October 2013) it generally get celebrated in the month of October.I am was so excited about it, even more cuz I work in a place where I hardly get time to spent with my friends and family... where I feel like my house has become a guest house for me, cuz I spent most of my hours on duty and go home jus to eat and sleep..I wanna spent time with my family!!

Me and my colleagues were all set for the puja as our boss came and declared FOUR days off for puja.... (it was a great Bonus for us) and I were like *DAYS OFF ON PUJA?? DID I JUST HEAR WHAT I THINK I HEARD???* We were so so so damn happy, because to enjoy puja one should have ample of time to go out, to hang with friends, to go to relatives place and eat sweets like a hogger, to hop PANDALS and to roam around a light smothering city like a nocturnal and to dance in the beats of "Dhaak and Dhol"

Its really fun to be in Kolkata during puja guys! But its my bad luck which always walk with my happiness hand-in-hand! Whenever I get excited about anything its turns into a bizarre eventually!! So after getting the good news we all set our mind and soul to make a plan for puja hunt... but... but... but.....something which happened later was a real happiness sucker..Our boss just botched up our fun when she called up and tried to enquired about the other stored which are relevant to this matter of off on puja (Mrs. Boss, are you dumb enough to run a store on depending what others do and not trusting your wn thinking power eh?) buhuhuhuh... anyway when she asked us ,Unwillingly, we had to give her the real and correct information that the other respective relevant industries places will be open during pujas... :( So now what?? Will she cancel our holidays?? Do we have to sacrifice our fun in the name of duty?? No Way!! I have the key for every locker.. haah!! I called her up and given her the collected information (and I swear I had given her the right information) but ummm yea with a lil bit of masala from my side.... so this is what I conveyed to her...

"OUR RESPECTIVE RELEVANT STAFFS WILL GO TO THEIR WORK ON PUJAS..."
BUT.... (here I go) THE COMPANY IS GONNA PAY THEM DOUBLE AND THEY ARE ALLOWED TO SHUT DOWN EARLY!!!
now shutting down early is okk but "PAYING DOUBLE" (I can imagine my boss swinging all her fingers in tension, hehehehehehe)

bosses are such Kanjoos (penny-pincher)

So now... I have done my job... Lets see if this trick does some Miracle...
Finger Crossed!!!

Friday, 6 September 2013

Recently I have caught myself listening to this song mostly..I'm with Aamir Khan's words. Actually this time I've not been shot by Cupid's arrow but Eris has thrown her apple of discord at me.. "LOVE" this word has been discussed in my few blogs.. If ya'll have read my blog then you will notice I have talked about love and its goodness.
But why will I praise something which is destroying me and my life gradually. These days I am not finding anything which can comfort me being in love. I always find myself collecting proofs against it and then to be so sure not to fall in love again on the basis of those examples. I got a failure in my love relationship, its been a while that I have left pondering on love relationship, and I think when you say you love someone, its not necessary it has to be for your guy, It can be described fir your friend as well.the important thing is who makes you feel more loved...and for Mr its my friends and specially my bestie.. who I love the most...

There are different kinds of love, when someone says "I Love you" it could mean many different things, Its written in theBible as well. There are 4 kinds of love I have set in my life according to the Bible.

1. Divine Love - for my Lord Almighty

2. Brotherly Love - I am always good at it for God's grace

3. Family Love - this love is not only for my family but for my friends too

4. Romantic Love - this is not used at its best yet :p

Gimme a hug please

I have always taken my friend as a part of my family, i keep them very close to my heart, it happened many a times that I have fought for them with my own people, just to protect them. I'm very fond of my friends,I never ever thought that a day will come I will have to prove myself that I always think their good, I can never ever be selfish in this relationship, they are whom I look up to when I am in trouble, they are whom I go to share my problems and cry my heart out though I have seen them making bored face when I talk about my feelings know none of them are interested hearing me, Last night i had a huge argument with my BFF and he has spoken few words which has just slashed my hearts into million pieces, based on some importance and priorities (I'm sorry I wont be able to share more on this with ya'll, please accept my apologise for this), he was the only one I was dependent, I have never given importance to anyone where his involvement is there, he was always right for me, even if we fight , we used to patch up at the end of the day.... but what happened now?? we have fought and decided not to talk to each other, somehow I am managed to spent an entire day without calling or texting him.. but its like a walk on the the path full of thorns for me,i have never imagined how my life would be without him, its like i am trying to figure out something in the darkness, I am missing my Bestie :'( Please God! make him aware of his mistakes so that he realises he has offended me.. come back my bestie, I dnt need a SORRY... I need a HUG.... craving for the masti we used to do together... miss U my "Massa Wala Bestie"... please come back!!

Monday, 2 September 2013

Hello Ladies!!
I'm sorry for I post late these days.. My lappy is damaged so I'm afraid I wont be able to post for few more days..
Last night I & my guy had an argument on importance & priorities, I felt somehow that I am becoming an option for him, which I was wanted him to realise & rectify.. But guess what? "Men will be men" the discussion went on for long but we could not iron out our disagreements, so I felt its better to stop fighting rather than making a mountain outta mole hill, I pretended to feel sleepy, said bye & disconnected, after a while I got a text from him, he wrote a small shayariquote for me..

(we sometime convey with each other through our self made quotes)

I read it and my fingers & my mind started working on it instantly... I would like to show ya'll that small piece of our thought "text-war" over here... Here I go....

Monday, 26 August 2013

No greetings, no smileys, no gossips & no discussion... Today I just wanna share my pain with ya'll.. I dunno where to start from.. Everything has become so dark suddenly,everything has become so hazy just like my mobile screen, yes my mobile screen gets hazy as I am writing this blog, cuz tears are just blocking my vision,every time I try to control on it, its building up in an invisible reservoir & not stopping to shed ☹
People find stories everywhere, there are stories before & after death, there are stories behind every smile & in every single drop of tears, there are stories for someone's happiness & there are stories about everyone's pain.my real life has become a sad, very sad story too.. I'm very simple & sober, I was very much fascinated with love, it was like that unknown chapter which I knew I will reveal someday, how & when? I did not know that.. This question used to make me feel curious as well as excited too, I was very happily ready to fall in love,I used to think there is no wrong in being in love cuz there is no wrong happens in love, I was just following the happy ending of every love stories but forgot to remember the real stories of life, of my friends who have faced the pain & taken the plunge to live with it.. A pain called LOVE.
finally I found someone with whom I cud be in love with no string attached! But I just did not realise that its always take two people to build up a relationship, two people who understand each other, who are always supportive to each other. I did not wanted someone who will show me what love is, I wanted someone who will show me how to keep relationship!!
Its been 7 yrs of my relationship in which I feel I am just a participant. I dnt know whether this relationship is based on our affection or on our compromise. There are always situations created in which my option are like "either compromise & be happy or just don't compromise & suffer." I had to choose one, & I had chosen to compromise in every way, but I realised there is no happiness even if I do compromise, I am not satisfied with my relationship cuz it takes me no where, wherever I try to find a solution it always leads me to the darkness & loneliness,
"I Have a Partner!! I Have a Partner!!" I find myself shouting like a fool but no one to responds to it. We think there has to be some big reason when people really fight because of & just walk away.. NO!! There is not BIG reasons always at least not in my case. I ain't expect him to get stars from the sky but I really want him to love me to the moon & back. There are so small small things which come'on, I mean a small boy will also do it if he loves someone.. But why are'nt you DMJ!!! I'm a kind of a person who thinks too much on small small things & cry on it too (I guess, I have a small reservoir fitted into my eyes for this) we love each other equally (as DMJ says) then why its only me who cries, who feels the pain, who keeps her eyes wide open at dawn to dusk, My Eyes!! they work on producing tears whole night!! whenever we fight, I cry whole night & think that how can his conscience allow him to be so normal after hurting someone, how can he be so cool, so careless, these questions always finds only one answer & that is that he does not love me & he cares a damn...
I am broken now,each time he hurts me, my heart breaks into pieces, & now I'm so vulnerable that I can't gather those broken pieces together again... I think if a person has not learn to keep his relationship good in 7 YEARS, what will he try in future.. oh well yeah, that person will succeed in ruining my future for sure but I can't afford to make my world Hell in here on this earth.. I can tolerate the heartbreak now rather than spoiling my mental & health condition which I will face in a broken marriage relationship later, Noooooo, I can't afford to do that baby....

Tuesday, 20 August 2013

I know its been quite a very very long time I have not posted (though i am not a daily blogger).. I dunno how many of you read my blog, i think no one my blog has not came under notice of you people, may be writing a blog ain't my forte but i love to tell things about me and my life, and that ain't need any skill, right??

I want people to know me through this blog, not as a great blogger but as a Common Indian Girl. May be I dunno how to pen down my feelings but I really want to share my daily dealings in life.. Its not about being famous but its about being one of you, its about sharing my problems with ya'll and solving yours too (I'd be glad if I'll able to do so), you will think that why ain't I go to a counsellor if i really wanna share my problems and feeling stress.. No, that ain't help me.. the counsellor will not Empathize me... he will Sympathize me.. That person ain't listen to me as ME but as a person who will be getting paid for listening to me and trying his best of advises to solve my problem, that person ain't put himself on my shoes but only will change his/her perspective :)

I want someone who thinks like me and feels like me.. I know its hard, its hard to find that one person who exactly feel the same BUT i know if you people are reading my blog.. aaaaaaaand if its 10 people out there who are reading my blog, I might get at least one among them who is just like ME!!!
I promise I might not touch your wits but i can touch your heart. Recently i was thinking to give up with this blogging thing but at that moment I came across with something which change my mind from giving up, I decided I will stand up and stand high.. I will write and I will keep writing for myself becuz penning my thoughts down gives me an immense feeling of satisfaction.. Every word takes away a small small pieces of that burden which is pressing my heart, when I blog I feel like I share things with SOMEONE and I feel so light (though I know practically its not been shared to a single person even)
There is a saying "karm kar, phal ki iccha na kar" (Do you duty, without concerning about results).. I will follow this in my blog life too.. i will blog about my daily situations, article which changes my feelings, people who I love and care about and above all I will write about me.. without thinking and expecting my blog to be read by people.. I will blog....

Saturday, 27 July 2013

I guess there is always a time when you have to think about all the big & small things in your life... Which relates to other people more than yourself... Among those people few are there for some relation & few exist for some reason..though it takes a yonks to know what is it exactly, sometime we just leave few relationship without giving it the same attention, not because we ignore it but because we are sure that bond is going to be there forever, its like those wild flowers which doesn't need no nourishing, no water & no extra care.. It just grows & blossoms beautifully.
I too have a relationship which is just like this wild flowers which never demanded any attention, never applied any condition,& I just went with the flow being unaware of that fact that someday this relationship will emerged out to be so demanding that I will have to stake my life to save it, I can't, no more... We said that we will keep our friendship with no string attached, we will understand each other & we will tackle all the problem together, we will no comment on our personal life..we will cooperate with all the state of our life..when I will fall you will hold me, when you will cry I will wipe your tears, when you are sad I will be your joker, but I think it was all an illusion, it was all a toy play for you,I could not believe in my ears when you said those harsh words to me & just closed my all the way which leads to you, you said you will be my BFF.. I think you were joking.
I thought you to be my guardian angel, you turned to be a devil of my life... Why?? Why?? We said we will stay BFF but I think this is the time we should drop the curtain to the play.. Where we tried to act our best to be each others support & strength... But I just ask myself only one question time & again.. " Was it till here??? " ☹

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

I see any dad carrying a new born baby daughter in their arms, I feel even you must have carried me the same way & I Miss You..

I see any baby daughter taking her first step catching her father's finger, I feel even I must have hold your hand to take my first step & I Miss You...

I see any daughter crying for chocolates and yelling for toys, sulking and denying to talk to their father, I feel even I must have got angry with you and God knows how much you'd have tried to console me & then I Miss You..

I see any girl catching their mum's hand and shouting over their father not to take them school, I feel even I must have claimed loving mumma more than you at that time & thenI Miss You..

I see any daughter going back home from school,carried by their father,keeping their chin on their shoulder,complaining about the new school and teachers... I feel even I must have bitched like this to you & thenI Miss You..

I see any daughter carrying their good results, hopping and jumping on their tip-toes, showing it to her father and getting a pat..I feel even I must have made you proud like this & then I Miss You..

I see any daughter upset and sad, whining to their father about the bad days..I feel even I have cried and you have supported me at that moment & thenI Miss You..

I see any daughter crying over their failure to their father, I feel even I must have faced such failures and cried to you and you have given me the words of wisdom and strength to face it gain and try..& then I Miss You..

I see any daughter and her father laughing,joking and giggling, I feel even you have beat Jim Carrey in making face just to make me laugh like a drain & then I Miss You..

I see any daughter fighting with their father for their friend, I feel even I have fought with you for stupid reasons and hurt you... but still You loved me for all my mistakes and error & then I Miss you...

I see any daughter arguing with father on right and wrong, I feel even I have irritated you by fighting on nonsense things and going against you & thenI Miss You..

I see any daughter praying for their father's good health, I feel even I have prayed a lot to keep you forever with me & thenI Miss You..

when will I see You again

I see any daughter following a funeral of her dearest dad praying so unconsciously, I feel even I have recited the Rosary numerous time just to keep your soul rest in peace & then I Miss You..

I cant see any daughter... but I feel them crying at the corner of their room,calling for their father, complaining God that why He chose their Father,missing all the moments spent, longing to meet them once again the the end of their life in the other world....and then I Miss you..

"This is for you APPA, straight from your Daughter's heart, dedicated to you.... and dedicated to all the fathers of the world...
I am a princess, not because I have a prince, but because my FATHER is a KING!!

Monday, 6 May 2013

Holla ladies...!!!
Who can be the best frnd of a gurl... A cat? No, cuz gurlz r bitches!! (And m proud to say that)... So who? A dog... No... Cuz gurlz alwys hate men, and men r dog (so leave that option too) so who is it... Ummm I think a Rabbit is a very good option eh ;)
And where as our pets concern our guys r doing that job very well... So I need someone who can listen to me, who dnt barge when I talk, who dnt get irritate wid me and WHO loves me more wid nothing wanting in return...
Recently der was an impulse idea came in my mind to have a pet.. So I and my bestie went to the pet market... Der I saw very less choices... So we decided to go back home empty handed ☺ but then suddenly our eyes fell on this cute, little, furry creature.. We went there to see'em... I really liked it.. And as alwys ma bestie read my mind and told me to buy it...though I liked it, I did not wanted to buy it nevertheless... Cuz my savings were der in my wallet to buy a pet dog.. Nt for those rabbits... Bt this fella is so wicked.. He bought a pair and jus handed them to me... And I was like "nahi, mujhe nahi chahiye" (oh u shud have seen my expression) hahaha... Den at last he convinced me to keep them with me... (I acted like I have got an award or something)..
Then we planned to go back home... On our way we were jus planning what wud be the name of the two rabbits we've bought??? *A BIG QUESTION* (I hold both of cheek and sat wid him on his bike , thinking abt the question all the way) Then a very quick idea came on my mind... How abt jus playing wid his and my nick name , mix them, jumbled them and create a different name.... And the names which I got out from our names... Was nt only different... Bt its really queer, unexpected and damn cute.... And its "PO-TI" (grinnnnn) yeah... Have u ever heard anyone calling ur potty cute... Bt when ma friends will come to see my pets... They alwys say it in a loud voice *happily* "Ur PO-TI are really very cute" hahahaha!!! Ain't it really funfull name, I just Wish that they never grow up... I like them like how theu are right now... Small and cute... They are very special for me... and of course they will be... Cuz they are "The Gifts Of Mt BESTIE" ☺ ...
I think ya'll shud start having a pet or something (ps: who ll dont have any) Cuz they are really cute and worth our care ♥
they are really kewl... and you dont need to be a master in that... all s you have to do just browse through sites on how to take care of ur pets...www.wikihow.com/care-for-a-rabbit has done a very helpful job in my case...so all the ladies... best of luck *all thumbs up*!!
Now I say adios to u all... Bt plz dnt try to eat ur head up thinking what could be my and my bestie's nick name :p

Friday, 19 April 2013

Holla...!!!
Haw y'all been ol doin? Life is so busy foh us that we dnt get time foh ourselves... We dnt get time to realise whts gone and whts coming in our way... Hahaha!! I feel so amazed as well when I look back at my old times.. It alwys strike many question in my head and in my mind that what have I achieved so far??
In my life, in my career life, family responsibilities, friends buzz and my LOVE life?? Yes... Today that feeling of being so confident in my love has grown strong to stronger.. When I realise last midnight that its my 4th Anniversary of ma Engagement!!! *grinnn* can ya'll believe it!!! Yes its 19th April 2013.. My Engagement Anniversary!!!
i really like this blogger putting her thoughts in a blog so wonderfully, my all thumbs up to the blog "Northern Belle Diaries"....
i would really love to be inspired by them and write such experience for u all and speak through my Heart :)

Wednesday, 3 April 2013

I am hurt today to say that I am literally failed in my mission,
its so strange how people just forget them whom they used to miss every
second, how they are ready to blame each other and forget the day they
promise that they will love each other with no string attached.
I always use to hear love stories which never have a happy
ending... But I never thought in my wildest dream that my buddy will
suffer with this unending pain.
How could she do this!! How could she do this!! Every time whenever I
see him crying foh her, I just ask God, why did this happen to him, He,
who helped her so much, He who rescued her frm the pit of sorrows and
sufferings. He who gave her a new life full of happiness!! How could
she do this to him!!! God, I jus pray that wherever she is, she
realises one day that she has thrown a diamond to choose stones!!! I
jus hope she be happy in her life cuz someday she is gonna regret over
itt!!! This is a solely and clearly example of a person being so
UNFAITHFUL in love!!!!

Saturday, 23 February 2013

Holla!!!
Ladies!!! Can any of you plz temme the benefit of Insomnia??? Cuz
I thing I'm suffering wid it ( and am damn scared)!!!! I am jst
confuse cuz I have heard people loose their sleep when they fall in
love.... So what should I tke my new born disease as???
An Insomnia or Love ♥ !!!
But I think Love is more worse than Insomnia... Is it? ;)
By the time ya'll think abt it deeper and deeper and I try to find the
real truth.

Wednesday, 16 January 2013

Holla!!!
I'm gonna share a very confidential mission wid ya'll, which is I guess almost IMPOSSIBLE!!

ssshhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

And me thinking that I'll be succeed to complete it is like hoping against the hope... but jaha chah hai... wahi raah hai (where ders a will, ders a way), why not I take things happening in present wid me as as indication from GOD.... So I'm here to share something which Imma do... sho.....the matter is..... why not make it lil saucy like a hindi daily soap.... let it be a secret... when the mission is complete... will present the dish on ya'll table... till den... keep guessing....