i miss her...and i miss that she was good and beautiful..and represented something pure in this tainted world.

and i miss the good people in my family that passed on last year. my grand-uncle. at my book launch, he hugged me. you know how you get those people that just give genuine hugs. the ones that just envelope you and cushion you from the rest of the world. im lucky my grand-aunt's still around, she gives those hugs too. she misses him. i see her living alone, still as well-dressed and smiling as she always was. but theres that glimmer of sadness that creeps in ever so often. i could only dream of a love like that. he doted on her, they travelled the world, and every wednesday afternoon was lunch at the royal. before he died, he bought a flat for her at the beach so that she could always see the sea and wouldnt have to travel around too much to go shopping. the funeral. i couldnt find the words...

i dont cry at funerals. i detach myslef pretty well enough to do the mechanical things.

i kept thinking, what if you dont talk to somebdy you love for a while coz you have grudges, or there's just no point in talking...what if someday its too late? too late to say 'im sorry i wasted that much time' and was just too stubborn?

Bloggie, how do I apologize for abandoning you for so long and leaving you to the clutches of certain vile chatbox tenants ;) nevermind, after a quick anti-fungal rinse, you’ll be back to your pure, green state of bliss. The ‘spring giddiness’ was meant to leave a feeling of innocent childish joy, but it seems these bloggers would prefer to defile you. But what can we do…cuteness comes with a price.This week has seen the breakdown of my social life and well, breakdowns in general. There was the end of last week’s mini-heart attack when I penned this last post for bloggie, but didn’t get to post on the day.

Morbid yet undrama-queen like post…the week moved on to my break up with technology, which saw me banging the computer (not in the way certain bloggers with innuendos will understand)…and then, yesterday saw the potential break up of communication between missQ and the group project members. Now, I knew it would come…the bitchiness. See, its incomprehensible to me, that after I go and do practically the whole thing, the person typing it would mess it up. But they proved me wrong, and messed it up!!! So I got saddled with the bulk of the thing and there I am trying to explain simple concepts to them, but they seem to have the attention span of fruit flies!!!! In any case, im just pulling my weight coz I have to get this subject over with with a rocking mark. Make dua for me…that I don’t start throwing things…or throw myself off the balcony. Coz that would really be a tragedy, coz I still haven’t worn my stripey top yet.

The weekend was a blast though!!! For you, my dear bloggie, I have documented memorable conversations from the week that was:

Lecturer: any questions?Student (quiet girl): umm..how long should the report be?Lecturer: maybe if you unwangled that g-string in your head, you’d remember what I told you ;)

Nazeer(mxit): what you up to?Q: watching dirty ppl on an island.N: survivor?Q: yeahN: ewness.

Girl: hehe, (flirting) you have bad writingBoy: well you have a bad face.Ouch! I was there when that happened. Not cool.

Watching smallville with Nikhat on mxit.Q: lanabitch is on.N: hey you got the car?Q: yeah! Lets drive to smallville!N: n run lana over!!!Q: and slap her around a bit.N: only a bit?Q: ok we beat her up k?N: and tie her up and volumise her hair ;) hey, you think lex waxes his head?

And just when your eyes were getting tired of the green and you thought I’d babbled on enough…here comes another paragraph ;) small hands boy..apparently he makes up for that with a huge ego. Besides, he wore something extremely un-co-ordinated yesterday, which just irked me!! why don’t guys dress properly? MATCH YOUR THINGS FOR GOD’S SAKE!!!! please. Do it for Q. and dress up sometimes, act like you have some style. And don’t wear white shoes!! EVER! Well. Except if you have that Robbie Williams thing going and you tend to look nonchalantly at desperate groupies screaming “Hey watsup?howyoudoing?please lemme be your friend!!” and respond with a sleepy nod that implies some priceless miniscule iota of recognition. Or you say ‘sup.’ See, this is why I blog- to keep rules alive! And also, to fill the void my friends left me with after they left me in a bundle in a box on the doorstep of MTB coz they thought I’d have a better life getting a degree. Dammit. Im starting to enjoy this blog thing again. I decided to delete the thing coz I don’t see the point of this anymore coz you cant write what you really want to and end up writing for an audience, but I made friends here. Damn you! ;)Oh well, im off to bunk a lecture and get some work done. Im nerdy like that. Thus, my hypothesis states that wrong things can be done for the right reasons. Which,I might add, does not apply to all situations, such as stealing babies coz they’re cute, but does apply to killing mosquitoes to ensure missQ’s healthy life free of allergies to the wicked creatures.

I see it.I stumble upon it unexpectedly. I think stumbled conveys the absence of expectance. I stare; I look again, to see if what im reading is real. I pray it isn’t. I think this is too cruel for God to put me through. I keep going back to it…maybe there was something I missed. There’s a movement within me, a laboured heartbeat. Q always knows what to do..what to say, but not about this. I beg her to blink, to come up with some quick-witted comment. Nothing. I leave. I search for a friend. I smile. I tell her what I saw. I try not to cry. And I don’t. Its in my head, on the edge of the table, I carry it around in my bag and I cant empty it out like that Senokot lady in the advert. The group meeting starts, I fumble around remembering what it is I needed from them. I forget something, then repeat it twice. I feel like im losing my mind. Somebody laughs, like its unreal fro me to have an inefficient day. I apologize and bring my mind back to where it should be. Fingertips freezing, tummy floating…mind racing, this is not me. I float to the j.k an hour too early for Jumma. I pray for something impossible. I leave. I wish for a friend on the way in case I forget which step comes next. Nothing. Just the wind providing enough resistance to force myself forward. I sit on the 2nd seat of the bus. On the right. The usual place. I get home. I sleep. I wake up…and feel better. Its nothing I cant deal with. It just caught me off-guard. The phone rings. Mum picks up. It was for me. She tells me. They liked my idea…that this opportunity has come my way. I see a glimmer of light, that could turn into a blinding streak of brilliance. My friend calls the next day, I realize that im not alone. I laugh, im the Q im supposed to be. It dawns on me at 1am. Its up to me. To take the reigns…and be the architect of my circumstances. To choose what affects me. To stop being the victim. To let go.

One bright sunny day (yes, that’s redundant, but its my blogg!!)in the UKZN chemistry lab, Organ Harvester and MJ were putting their skills to the test, to pass a practical to impress their demi in a white lab coat and hi heels, Niki (nikhat had to feature in this one)…the experiment would be tedious yet enlightening, as banging frogs was the one thing they had promised each other: fade out to two weeks before..Mj: dude, lets do something wild for my birthday!!OH: yeah!! Wow, lets bungee ;)Mj: no, lets spank bad monkeys…OH: what? No, that just sounds wrong, its overated. But maybe that’s just me.Mj: its just you.OH: oh. Ok. Well, lets bang frogs too.

So the experiment began today…as they donned their darth vader masks and held out their lightsabres (scalpels) in slow motion…just as they motioned towards the frogs to stun them, Joe, Dew and Qdee breezed in (hair all floaty in the breeze like Shirley from Hair Sensation worked her magic).Jo, Dew and Qd (in unison) :Hi boys *giggle* ;)Mj to OH: eff it, lets leave the frogs.OH: we cant!! They’ve been prepared for us...you know, we need to harvest the organs. (looking to the light) for my plan..to infiltrate my name into all organs in the world!! Then I shall be King harvester!! (cue music)Qd: what’s up with that guy?Jo: I dunno, but hey, you got any cow organs? Im decorating my room.Dew: there should be some here..ooh, sand!!Mj: where’s my monkey??Qd: Waseem borrowed it for the night…

Meanwhile, OH was getting impatient, “lets bang the damn frogs already!”Mj: if you insist. Here take one..OH: yeugh.dude. its gross. It better be worth it.Jo(thinking): awww the froggies…I like green.its a wholesome colour. Hmm. Green would look so good on Robbie Williams…Dew (thinking): I bet I could make great keyrings with those eyeballs. OMG! This is just like Grey’s anatomy!!Qd (thinking): I haven’t been on mxit for 7 whole minutes..ppl better have left me offline msgs. Damn this labcoat looks good on me. Juju needs to see this.

Soon, Niki waltzed in, looking curiously at the girls… ‘What are these biatches doing here?’Mj: ignore them.OH: pass the frog.‘Now,’ Niki instructed, ‘you will pick one of them teeny weeny frogs..like this…and in a nanosecond, bang em on the table!’OH: cool, no foreplay.Mj: yeah, unconscious subjects rock! But dont they light up? i like things that light up.Mj and OH tried what Niki had told them…but Mj’s frog refused to be banged unconscious.Mj: dude, this one’s like rubberOH: you’re banging wrong.Mj: no, I have massive hands! They can do no wrong!Qd, Joe and Dew: oooh, lets see!!

By this time, OH had injected the King harvester brainwashing solution into his frog after banging, asphyxiating and dissecting his frog. Waseem suddenly barged in, ‘take your monkey back mj! It just eat spicy pasta all day!’At the mention of spicy pasta, Mj let go of his frog. In an instant, the monkey ran after the dazed frog, breaking bottles filled with chemicals…suddenly a fatal fart (we wont say who from) ignited the chemicals and set the lab on fire!!

Dew: wait! Don’t take out your cellphones!!the radiation combined with the fumes will kill us!! Drink water.Qd: noooo!! I have to check my offline messages!!Jo: save the froggies!! (she’s very summarative like that)Waseem: you know…I saw a movie like this once…OH: put all the organs in my cooler box… next to the human heart!!Nikki: my lab coat’s on fire!!OH: Quick!take it off!Mj: wow, this is a good birthday. The whole place lit up ;)

Good friend Avani and I have uncovered the secret to the perpetuation of capitalism, the one thing that led to our slavery to the economy and the simplest, most passive method of conditioning that moulded us into cardboard beings – the bob. Admit it- you had one too!! ;)

I remember going under the sharp shimmer of silver blades every few months, horror of all horrors, I was boxed in, sides and fringe – conditioned to be symmetrical. Well, most of the time. There was that one time mum cut my fringe too short and society threatened to disown me. The bob. I watch my 4 little cousins growing up- all looking like me- all with bobs. All conditioned to the sides and the fringe, laughing at other little ones trying to break the mould with their pineapple pony’s reaching heavenward like spiky rebels. Oh and then there’s the two ponytails…pigtails! Yeah, I had those too…capitalism tied up on either side, ears exposed to the words of capitalism singed into them by our teachers. Of course, I had to go the extra mile and wear my scarf over my pony’s so I ended up looking like a toothless mouse receiving triangular laser signals from Nebula.

And there was the bowl haircut…shove a bowl over the head and trim around the edges with fast snips of the scissors. Now I never had the joy of that experience, but certain people seem to have found that joy – and never left it.

The bob. The monosyllabled sister of the free world, the imprisonment of radical thoughts – and the cutest thing on a kid you have ever seen! But we’ve moved on…to the hair iron. The GHD, seen as the saviour of all bad hair days, possibly the most magical yet functional invention of our time. It can turn gloomy days sunny, wipe the frizz out of life, grant you endless hair-swishing in the wind, allowing you the power to swish a guy unconscious and have him smitten at the pin-straightness of your tresses. Ugh. Smitten. I hate that word. I don’t know why. But it fit there. This is capitalisms triumph over the majority of the world. It’s why Muslim women aren’t allowed to cover their heads, because capitalism needs to ensure everyone is under its spell in the economically prosperous countries. Therefore, it’s hard to resist the GHD. It speaks the language of all females; it has the power to fulfill dreams, the power to grant confidence! And of course, the power to unconsciously turn ourselves into clones through practically burning our hair off (that burning smell and the steam is your hair frying and no amount of protection’s gonna stop it frying. It just makes it sizzle.). This, the Genetic Hallucinogenic Duplication device is the perpetuation of the bob’s mission – to take over the world! (the pinky…pinky and the brain brain brain…) enough!! This is why we cannot accept bad hair days – because we have grown up thinking that good, straight hair is normal. It’s why we feel physically sick on bad hair days, because capitalism is comfortable and safe – it’s the bob box, the nice straight parallel lines that have conditioned us into what’s right. This is why we hate strong wind- it threatens the lines!! Yes, that includes flatulence. That’s why its taboo. So I urge you...go on…do something funky with your hair. Let it travel off in another direction from your head ;) embrace the curl that doesn’t fit in with the rest! Go give a kid an asymmetrical haircut! Set the locks free!! Unlock the locks ;)

hmm..third post in one day- i know what you're thinking, 'this girls psycho,' but you ppl enable me ok!! with all your loveliness and joy that you bring to my life, i keep coming back ;) im a little freaked. i just met the cutest boy. Boy- he looked like one, but then, i look small, so i didnt see anything wrong in saying hi when we were introduced. omg. did i mention how cute he was?? anyway, so we were all chatting and i realised he was really brainy and had this smile to die for, until...my friend noticed his hands and we soon realised this boy had smaller hands than me!! and her!! how can that happen (no, i didnt let him see my hands just so i could touch him) but that was so freaky!!he was ripped though. i think he shouldve been worried. i cant like someone who has smaller hands than me!! and mine are tiny..and his were...soft. but tinier!!i thought i was deep, but i guess size matters.

I had a fat weekend. One of those unproductive couch potato weekends, where the world beyond your window doesn’t exist and your home, the caboodle of comfort just feels right. Caboodle. I like that word. And ricochet! Anyway, I trust you gobbled up the AR Rahman feast on Eastern Mosaic. It was yummy!! You have to catch the repeat. Yeah yeah, I never thought I’d be campaigning for the Vagaar, but it rocked! The picturisation on those songs were brilliant…swept me away.

My love for Smallville was reignited this weekend :D poor lovely Chloe got hit on the head and left on the road and Clark was like ‘shut up and tell me if Lana’s ok.’ Idiot. Lol, sorry, Im not a Lana fan. I wanna shake her and curl her hair or something. Im intrigued by Lex though. Something that swept me away in a bad way was prospective proposal from a weird place. Well, not place, just that I didnt expect I was being examined by a neighbor every time I went to visit my aunt. I always end up in these strange situations, where the mom might be cool, but the boy is whacked (as in this case), or the other way around. Or! I fall for the married boy ;) isn’t it human nature to want what you can’t have, or the one thing that’s really gonna mess you up. Then you hear crap like ‘you hurt the ones you love the most’ or god forbid, you end up talking crazy like that!

But im MissQ...the psycho magnet. Really, I should be employed by the government to sift out all of em from society and ship them off for treatment. Hmm, you think I’d get sawaab for such a humanitarian cause? Speaking of humanitarian causes and the plateau of deep thought that lugs along with it, I was watching 7th heaven (cringe as much as you want, I still think the lil baba’s are too cute!!) and the dad said that ‘women are crucial to religion, but religion isn’t always good to women. We can change that.’ Now, I donno whether they’ve discovered Islam, but I think it’s the people that ritualize religion, those who make it difficult for women to overcome there perceptions of the way things should be, that make it seem like religion’s to blame. I mean, we complain about uncouth people and the way the country’s going, but aren’t we leading the pack? We perpetuate hypocrisy and act Muslim, but we carry on doing nonsense, Muslim bosses haven’t gained their reputations by doing nothing – and at the end of the day, ‘outsiders’ aren’t stupid. They see right through us. Maybe not all of ‘us’ but people like that blacken the reputation of the whole.

I don’t know. Maybe im making too much out of an arb statement, but I just feel like flushing out the crap ;) hmm, oprah should do a show on that- with that Dr.Oz who looks like his mom scrubbed him clean and put ‘one nice side path an all.’ ;) Seriously, why does everything have to be so entangled in these annoying cords we end up strangling ourselves with? It’s a labyrinth of unnecessary confusion, some kind of self-inflicted maze where we end up losing ourselves and finding things that waste our time here and stunt our progress. Choices can either cripple or enhance a person’s quality of life, or rather- quality of being. Its annoying when people cant decide. There’s the daily confusion over what to wear (I’ll admit to those dilemmas), but when it comes to red or blue, friendship or love, black tea or white, it should be downright simple. So things are complicated? Please. People are dying in wars, you don’t know if you’ll wake up tomorrow and all this time you’re wasting is causing somebody else palpitations. Draw the line, erase it, whatever…just make a choice.

woohoo!! happy 60th post to me :) dont i get like an honourary degree or something? or a chocolate?

im so hungry right now. did i mention how much i love offline messages? in fact, let this 60th, most precious post be about offline messages. a blog is like an entire offline message. i love offline messages. as much as i hate mxit's one true mission to flatten our braincells and allow boring, or over-enthusiastic ppl into our lives, creating bulging blood vessels and thumb-aches, offline messages seem to erase all resentment and make you smile at odd hours of the morning..that some arb thought came into someone's head and landed under your name coz you're special and you'd understand any amount of psychosis :) sweet :)

NOW GO LEAVE ME AN OFFLINE MESSAGE!!

im sleepy too. sleepy and hungry. and i have this research lecture in a bit...ooh, im wearing my new jordanian cloak today. that's basically why im here.oh and i had to hand in a tutorial...i think im gonna get a weird response for the tut. we had to make up a company with some problems, so i made up an icecream company that makes proudly south african flavours but there's lotsa absenteeism...got a bit carried away though- i kinda named some flavours.weird names.i cant type them now- you'll think i've lost it and never visit me again. omg!! did you see? they fired the deputy minister of health! just like that! smacks of hypocrisy...the deputy president's still around.hell, even 'mushroom msimang' is still around and this one gets sacked! like a hot potato! really, its so obvious they were lookng for a reason to get her out. what's democracy if you get fired if you dont agree with governemnt and actually talk sense? oh well. elitist idiots conquer again. street names, affirmative action, and we're headed somewhere good? im leaving before it gets worse.

as for oprah, whats with the whole 'i went and saved Africa from illiteracy' thing she has going? she showed footage of monkeys trying to get into the room and the audience was in stitches, thinking we have animals roaming around. hmm...maybe mj getting a monkey isnt that far fetched hey. and these little oprah's are like so thrilled to be in that school...she placed it in the middle of nowhere, acting like she's some saviour. she shouldve taken a walk around durban, and cleaned up the streets ;) or gone to sandton and videod it and shown ppl South Africa isnt some jungle and that we wear clothes and use computers. and where were the white people all hiding? it looked like we dont have any on the continent.

thats all that my brain can muster for now...oh and have a wonderful night, and may all your duass be accepted, inshallah aameen. remember q if you can :) and forgive me if i was mean to you. mwah.

i knew it! i knew yesterday was too good to be true and that karma would give a kick today! i hate wednesdays. i have lectures for 3 hours in the afternoon in a smelly lecture room with no hot ppl to distract me! MissQ is always punctual or very early, but today, i decided to take the 10am bus here. see, i take two buses to campus,and nobody had taken the time to let me know there was a march in town, so i got stuck when i reached there. i stood there, waiting for the god damn bus, and when it finally arrived, the protesters went wild and stormed onto the road andt the driver didnt see me and so i missed it. i waited there for another half hour and i guess i should be grateful im here. one hour at a bus stop in the middle of town is bad enough, but the possiblity of getting mauled by a group of uncooth people adds a whole lot of crazy to the situation. i couldnt turn back - i'd miss lectures, i couldnt call someone to fetch me-and MissQ just want to sit cross-legged in the middle of the road and cry.

and all these things were running through my head, like legal studies nonsense i did in first year about how you have the right to strike and protest as long as it doesnt infringe on other ppl's rights and then i got angry and i felt like just going back home. and i was scared.

im beginning to hate this place. i cant go anywhere without being scared, i cnt even talk to somebody without worrying of some crazy rumour will do the rounds and i cant seem to get some validation for trying to keep the peace. and no, this is not me feeling sorry for myself, but why the hell should i have to be so dam invisible? you either see nobody or you see the girl next to me. yeah yeah, i should be grateful i shouldnt have to take 3 buses i should be grateful that mum and i are doing well, i should be grateful im doing ok on campus. i should be bloody thrilled right. should i be thrilled that i have a void in my life? that i didnt ask to grow up having to be independent all the time, that i didnt ask for this kind of life where ppl constantly ask questions and when they hear you had a psycho for a father, you get that 'shame, you come from a dysfunctional family' look. god. you think it wouldv gotten better by now. dont tell me that someday it'll all be better coz it was good for a while and now its not anymore. so whats new...ppl give up on me when they dont understand. they take a step back and would rather believe what they want to and see what they want to see. its like today- i ended up getting the bus, but there's no trace that i was even there.

yesterday was one messed up day...for starters, i nearly fell down all the MTB stairs. if you dont know what that looks like, its like those stairs Rocky ran up, except with all weird ppl sitting on the sides, watching you run up or down them like some human mini cooper on steroids. well, yesterday i was a jalopie, running out of class, racing down the stairs to get the bus coz i was trying to get home in time for the tiler. and then...

my phone rang..and i reached into my bag and misjudged the width of the stairs and i slipped ;( MissQ of course, regained her composure in 3.2 seconds) and carried on as if nothing happened while her heart was pounding and ankle was positively screaming..

then mum phones. apparently, i rushed for nothing coz this tiler wasnt pitching up. and then, i reach home and i get bolted out of my skin by lil static electric shocks (but im ok with that). i decided to take a nap, but the neighbour came and the pistachios i've been looking forward to for a week turned out to be tasteless. and then, mj gave me some crap news. he warned me though, but he had to tell me, coz i'd probably find out in the long run...at that point i remembered the stairs and stopped myself short of jumping off the balcony. but no, it got better...mum wasnt in the greatest mood and i got run over by the things i had forgotten to do.

anyway, i slept with the fan on and i woke up this morning with a nose bleed and endless sneezing.

im lil ok though...Mj and Nikhat had me in stitches and im sure i've convinced Nazeer im from some spark-weilding planet while i was trying to explain to him how all the static at night managed to produce sparks in my hair and shock myself. Lol, Mj has branded a certain toxic person in my life 'tumour', hence:

lol, there were more, but i cant remember now...but it made me smile :) and made the day brighter! i have a few:

1. salaam-e-tumour

2. Big tumour's house

3. Tararumtumour

4. Mistress of Tumours

5. What tumours really want ;)

umm, the lan man is standing behind me and i hope to God he's not reading this nonsense....

anyway, i promised you a glimpse into Nikhat's and my world of stalking...we have developed a state of the art method for girls to show guys how much they care..

after establishing verbal communication via knocking on his door and saying..'i think you have my mail (male),' you have established that you are now in a long term relationship.

thereafter, you find a creative way of getting into his flat (some ppl call this B and E - breaking and entering, for us its Being Endearing). He'll think this is cute. He's a busy person, and will appreciate your gesture of finding time to get to know him this way.

Once you're in his room, write in red lipstick on the mirror 'Im not leaving you,' this will ensure he is not insecure in your relationship - and the lipstick will remind him of you :)

also, run a hot shower for him before he gets home and write 'see how easy it is for me to get in' in the steam on the mirror in the bathroom. he will think you're cute once again because this is a little note to him that will remind him of you everytime he walks into the bathroom. There's no need to write your name...he'll know its you.

He must be hungry after work, so leave a chocolate cake with a big knife in it on the bed, and leave before he gets home. he'll know its from you.again. this keeps the relationship exciting as your gesture is sweet and also thoughtful, becasue he doesnt have to run to the kitchen to get a knife.

make a copy of his house keys. By now, he's probably been meaning to give you a copy because of the wonderful way things are progressing, but he's so busy that you'll have to help him out and make one for yourself. He probably misses you at work too, so put a loving message up as his screensaver...like 'im with you in spirit' and wait outside his office and take pictures of his reaction because it'll be a lovely moment he wont forget.

Find ways to spend quality time with each other. make room for yourself at the back of his car before he goes to work in the mornings and while he's at a busy intersection, pop up behind him and smile :) this will take the stress away from driving :)

Q is hurt...by senseless person who doesnt give a damn. She has taken the blame though it wasnt her fault, tried to be above it all, smiled when she should screamed... and walked away, only to come back and take more crap.This is it. i wont take the blame for your daft friends or whoever you think wants the best for you. I hate that you dont care and your silly lil 'how are yous' are just to keep me thinking you're my friend. I dont care anymore. i wish i couldnt.i will never be good enough somehow. I wont stick around and wait for you to see me like the idiotic lil girl you think i am. all you care about is yourself. thats all you'll ever think about. some fool i've been...worrying about you. well you know what- it doesnt mean anything. it never did.

In the midst of all the sawdust and tangled wires in the flat, neighbour knocks on the door last night. she's loud, sincere, hilarious and compassionate - she hasnt been to our place before. i see her in the lift often, with 3 adorable kids and an equally hilarious husband who laughs at her domineering ways and insists his place is the penthouse even though there are 4 floors above him...anyway, the wife came home last night and chatted and chatted...turned out to ne one of the most open people i've met in a while. this is one love story i wont forget.

'there's nothing such as love' she laughs, 'but my story is one for the record books.'

she tells me her husband used to be Roman-Catholic...he used to fix the computers at her workplace and constantly talk to the girl next to her. she didnt really care, but she didnt realise he had been trying to get her attention the whole time. after months, she finally agreed to get a lift from him to Davenport Centre for her lunchbreak..he takes a turn away from the centre and takes her to a place that overlooks the whole of Durban.

she asks: why'd you bring me here?

he says: i'd like to talk to you. can you close your eyes?

she says: why?

he says: no, there's something on your eyelash.

she closes her eyes and he kisses her.

'What'd you do that for?!' she screams.

he says, 'Why? didnt you like it?' (lol!!!)

He converted to Islam, they've had to go through hell because he's also Coloured. They've had to run away from home, make do with one gas stove, newspaper for curtain, a blanket nd a pillow...and yet, they've been together now for 19 years. amazing. the poor guy still wont go shopping with her - he insists she's crazy and too confrontational that it makes him blush, and she thinks that day he kissed her was probably the only time in his life he's confronted somebody...but they're just so loving. They've succeeded in life. and they joke all the time, they're genuine people. nothing is too out of their way.

its just sad that we've become so cynical of life, so indifferent...i woke up this morning angry.August isnt a good month for me. I drifted into sleep thinking about the thing i cannot change, the people who have interfered...wondering when next i would crumble. I'll try not to.

its important to live for the moment - the guy fixing your computer could be the guy you' d give everything up for ;)

for my friend who isnt feeling like smiling: i wish that happiness finds you. and while i doubt anything i say or do can come close to makng it all better, and i dont see you often, know that im here for you.

to mr. scone: you think you're a scone, but if you looked in the mirror, you'd see a brilliantly made croissant ;) i miss you immensely every single day.

i should be on my way...the stinky classroom with the stinky people is what awaits me today. lol, when i walked in on Monday, students were literally standing on the desks because a huge cat (which im sure was possessed) kept body-slamming itself against the walls! it was crazy! poor thing was as freaked out as we were.

i've officially been labelled 'Miss Succint Crypto-poetess' by Slugmail ;) this entry doesnt do much for that title though. sorry, im lazy to use the metaphors dancing around my head. i need to write at night. tata my lovelies...