Sunday, February 23, 2014

I am sad. Last month a beautiful young woman took her last breath on this earth & came face to face with Jesus. Her name was Cassie. Gone , what many would say, too soon. She was in the 1st youth group God gave us.

Tonight, another former youth group member too his last breath. Bobby, once again so very young. His mom died 2 years ago. & he has fought leukemia for the past year. His little sister isn't so little anymore but she is like one of my own kidlets. There are no right words.

2 very different goodbyes barely a month apart.

A harsh reminder at just how precious life is. Every. Single. Day. A GIFT.

And at the end of the night as I was turning off lights & shutting off moms tv an episode of *Not a fan* comes on TBN.

I sat there a complete mess.

See what you may not know is how deeply I have struggled this past year. Not all my children have chosen to follow Jesus and sometimes I struggle with it. What I saw very plainly tonight was that whether my own childen choose to follow Jesus, or not....MY life and if I choose to follow Jesus with everything I have affects SO many others. And I had to come face to face with the very real reality that will I continue to follow Jesus even if my kidlets choose not to...

Yes. Because I am a follower. I am not just a fan of Jesus.

In the episode tonight they said "confessing Jesus as our Lord isn't something we say with our lips, it's something we do with our life"

Monday, February 10, 2014

1st I want to tell you that my mom is doing amazingly well. And in the next few weeks she should be back to normal but without those cancer sticks ( aka cigarettes) in fact ... It has been over 3 weeks since she had even one.
I am really proud of her.
sometimes it takes a wake up... And I suppose having a dead leg and almost dying was that wake up for her.
I am busy weeding, taking my things to storage, spring cleaning and appointments and as of right now still very much in California apart from my band of gypsy travellers. And I miss them.
and if I am honest I don't completely understand but all I can do is trust that God knows what HE is doing.
It's a range of emotions.
and somewhere in the stillness it gives me time to continually SEEK Him.
and put together our much needed missionary support letters... I will put this time apart to good use.

It's just the waiting for answers I am having such a hard time with. The time apart. The quiet that is not my life.

I am still sharing the gospel bracelets and making good use of this season of way too much quiet...and helping mom to get back to normal. But its a new normal.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

On Friday last week I got a phone call from my mom's neighbor. She was taken by ambulance to the hospital. Knowing you're the ONLY person that can do anything is scary. We immediately booked a flight from Orlando to palm Springs but I couldn't fly out until Sunday. You go through a whole range of emotions as you find out a parent is in the hospital. My mom is only 65 & a 3 time cancer survivor. I was told her kidneys were shutting down. It was time to leave my husband with 6 kidlets in Florida and get to my mom
fast forward to Sunday. I went straight to the hospital before heading up to check on her dogs. Unfortunately it was Sunday & there were no doctors making rounds. Lots of ordered tests but no conclusive answers.

by It wasn't until Monday that I got a glimpse of the severity of her hospitalization. She had a blood clot that almost took her life. It had clogged her artery in her right leg for at least a few weeks. The doctor said they seriously considered amputation.

By Tuesday there were still a lot of unanswered questions but terms like COPD hung in the air & I boldly asked the BIG question. Did mom have cancer again? I think mom & I were both very surprised when he said she did NOT have cancer. He told her the clot was caused by smoking. That there are 2 basic kinds of clots. Non-smoking clots & smoking clots. And she almost died because of her choice to smoke. She told me to go home and get rid of all the cigearettes in front of him. ( those of you that know me... Know that I was more than happy to comply!)

what I did with them is on the other blog because that is a God story intertwined into my life & journey.

yesterday her color was so much better. She even ate food. She asked me to bring her clothes today because she wanted out of her hospital gown. She still may have a day or 2 in the hospital but things are looking better. I am unsure when I will head back to Florida to be with my family or whether they will start the journey here. We may need to remain within a much smaller travel distance as missionaries based on my moms needs. Time will tell.

we appreciate your prayers and support as we walk through this trial.

time for me to get up..grab a shower & head down to the hospital. Have a blessed day!

Thursday, January 9, 2014

I have an uber cool opportunity to give away a free digital copy of Chicks Without Bricks
written by 12 amazing full time traveling women.
Whether you just want an adventure story to read or you are dreaming of one day embarking on your very own journey this is an amazing book. I am blessed to personally know one of the authors. What's even neater was how God crossed our paths. Margie & her family have been on the road full time for almost 4 years and has a fantastic family. Her kids immediately hit it off with ours playing guitar and just being kids. Her journey along with 11 others is in this little gem!

How to enter
like Narrow Road Schoolers on Facebook
and enter the Rafflecopter entry form
A winner will be chosen Thursday January 23rd.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

It read " You told Sara that you were never raped and that you told me that to scare me. Really!?"

I am STILL reeling.

Rape is hard enough without being told you're a liar 25 years after it happened to you.... but to be told that by my very own daughter was more devestating than ever. She insisted that someone (her story changed and she said it wasn't Sara later in the messages) told her that. I suspect that "someone" doesn't know me very well...because that's part of my challenging past... part of my "story".

I am not afraid to tell people... the details I don't elaborate on often because it is so very personal. It was my 1st time. Not a choice. But I CHOOSE to be an overcomer rather than a victim. The ONLY reason I can get through it sometimes is because Christ gives me the strength to overcome it.

The shattered pieces of my past are scars... and the last thing I needed was for those scars to be reopened... even when scars are healed sometimes there is scar tissue that once touched can be painful.

Being told I was a liar devalued what had happened to me. Back then I was 16 I never called the police. I WAS called a liar.. many times. I was 800 miles from home and I had been drinking underage.. and the guys that did it made sure to tell me no one would EVER believe me.

and today there is no "evidence" of the experience.
Unless you count the emotional scars or perhaps the nightmares that creep into my head from time to time. Or perhaps the times I still shy away from my husband as he sneaks up behind me being harmlessly cute and I jump away.
Yes. It is in my past, and yes.
I have survived it.
and yes.
I have chosen to be an overcomer.
but YES. I have scars.