Whatever Bad Decisions You Made Last Night, These Portlanders Made Worse Ones

It’s hard to imagine a worse Valentine’s date than attempting a sexy role play that ends with bystanders calling the cops on you. Even just having “bystanders” in your sexy role play is something you might want to reconsider, legal-shit-wise.

A couple in Portland, Ore., was arrested on Tuesday and charged with disorderly conduct after police responded to a report of a car with a naked woman bound in the back and duct tape covering her mouth, according to a police report.

Nikolas Harbar, 31, told police that he and his girlfriend, Stephanie Pelzner, 26, were participating in some role-playing for the Valentine’s Day holiday. Pelzner said she was voluntarily bound and nude, according to the police report.

Good for them, for keeping things fresh? I guess? Hopefully this was just some people who are terrible at being kinky and not an abusive situation. In any case, it’s hard to say cacao with your mouth duct taped shut.