Tuesday, August 26, 2014

On August 26, 1998, my son was born. I gave my son the first
name of my fiancé (we never married), my father’s middle name, & my last
name. I gave him their names to share him with them but to me, he was only
mine. He gave me a reason to become a better person. I stayed awake for
practically three days straight so that I wouldn’t miss a moment. I gave him my
heart & he took it with him three days later when I gave him new parents. They
gave him a new name & all the things I could not.

On August 26, 2013, my daughters were born. We gave them
first names we loved, a middle name that I share with my mother, aunt, sisters,
cousin, & niece, and both of our last names. I listened to my husband &
daughters snore in the hospital room and slept every chance I could. I gave
them my heart & we took them home three days later. My son turned fifteen.

Today is August 26, 2014 and my daughters turn one year old.
They have turned my world, my life, & my house upside down. I have called
friends and family to share moments of joy. I have called friends & family
to cry and beg them to reassure me that I’m a good mom. I have laughed and
cried (sometimes simultaneously) more in the past year than any other year I
remember. I have struggled with and reveled in being a stay at home mom. At one
point I sat on the kitchen floor crying to Craig as I made the decision to stop
trying to breastfeed after 5 months. Today, I sat on the kitchen floor with a
crying child and kissed an owie all better.

Today is August 26, 2014 and my son turns sixteen years old.
I have never regretted my decision to place him for adoption, but I miss him always.
Every milestone I share with my daughters reminds me of the milestones I’ve
missed with him.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

It has become so clichéd to complain about the behavior of
younger generations that it’s tough to even say the above phrase in any tone of
voice other than a terrible impersonation of an old man. But clichéd or not,
the complaints keep coming.

Entitled. Spoiled. Disrespectful.

See a kid act out in public and any number of bystanders
will start conversations about how their kids would never dare, or how when
they were children they would never dare, all the while shaking their heads and
giving the parent looks of pity, derision, or a combination of the two.

Recently, a story went viral about some guy buying over 20
pies from Burger King to spite a bratty child behind him in line. Story goes,
kid was screaming for a pie, so grown man in front of him buys every last pie
to make sure the kid doesn’t get what he wants.

And cheers of joy erupted from the internet.

While the story is very likely a fiction, the sheer number
of “Good for him!” responses was a bit staggering to me. A lot of the
responses were along the lines of, “It’s about time the kid learned a real
world lesson.” What real world scenario have you encountered in your adult life
that mirrors this? When was the last time someone who was twice your height &
five to ten times your weight spent more money than you earn in a week or month
or year to buy twenty of the things you wanted, just to make sure you didn’t get
one?

Well, but the guy had to listen to that obnoxious kid, you
say? How long do you think the self-styled hero of this tale was waiting in
line? Five minutes? Ten minutes? Certainly if the wait was as long as twenty or
thirty minutes at Burger King, the adults in line would be throwing tantrums,
not just the bratty kid – so it’s tough for me to believe it could have been
that long. With that in mind, who is the person with the real instant
gratification problem here? The child, who is acting his age or the adult who
is acting like a child?

It seems that everybody wanted to see the kid put in his
place, but if anyone dared to mention that it was the mother, not the kid, who
was really going to suffer – it became clear that people wanted her to suffer
as well. She raised him, after all. It’s her fault he’s such a brat, so she
should have to live with his brattiness. According to the court of public
opinion, this kid and his mother needed to be taught a lesson by this guy who
had to suffer while waiting in line for his fast food. Why? They dared to have a bad day in public.

I guarantee you that every child, even those raised exactly
the way YOU think they should be raised, will throw a tantrum at some point in
their lives. Every. Single. Child. Because they are CHILDREN. They are trying
to figure out how to be in human in a tiny body that is often overcome with emotions
– as powerful as any you encounter in your adult life, but without any physical
power to do anything about those emotions. Do they manipulate, whine, cry, and
throw tantrums to try and get what they want? Yes. In the beginning of their
lives, those are the only tools they have at their disposal. And yes, as they
get older, they should learn to behave better – we all should. But please don’t
pretend that children are the only ones who throw temper tantrums, not even the only ones in
public.

I’m calling bullshit because I’ve worked in customer
service. I’ve witnessed fully grown adults screaming at sales clerks in retail
stores over pennies. I’ve watched the videos of store clerks literally trampled to death by a bunch
of adults on Black Friday.

I don’t think the massive support for this man-child revenge
fiction is because people honestly think such behavior will result in the
actual child becoming a better human as a result of this “lesson.” It seems to
me, that it provided a release valve for a whole section of people who simply
hate the fact that they have to share the world with children & parents. If
you look at the comments sections of any of the articles referencing this
story, you will find gems like, “I shouldn’t have to suffer because YOU didn’t
use birth control.” And other, far more colorful comments, that exude an
intolerance of all things children.

You don’t want kids. I think that’s great. But that doesn’t
mean you get to live in a childfree world. You have to share public spaces with
other members of the public, even if they are younger than you & having a
bad day.