oh ok

thought about the end
the life i saw
was twisted and contorted
with the accepted knowledge you would not be there

i lived in a nice house
and had a few hours to myself
between when cute little shits

that didnt have their face

and their eyes on a man

walked through the door
and asked me all about my day
spent setting crooked
chic decore
into place
thought the seasons changed, this stayed the same
remmained in the remains
of several yesterdays
as my spontaneuity and dreams
were trained
like a pet i sat in wait for somebody to notice me
i always kept the hopes that someday
id be rich
famous
in movies
i gossiped like an ice queen
and backstabbed like an oiled machine
i lived through the eys of my children
molding their lives how i wished them to be
ignored their suicidal
repressed
tendencies
as babies became "teens"
my mates dates woud be so commonplace
he would take me somewher nice
buy me something pretty
and tell me that he loved me
to satiate me
and make silent love to me
(those quiete lessons of intimacy
that you taught me)
but for that night
id feel like the only person alive
and finally when i died, i sighed
and thought about
the lives
of celebrities on tv
and how i just wasnt happy
id never done anything
and you.
i came back terrified from this
nigtmarish dream
i know that nothing ever lasts
but i know about
we
that dream
so now i ask you, knowing me
so prone to changing and release
please, lease dont ever leave me
just come with me
save me
illuminate me