Musings and meditations on my journey to building a family

Ectopic

Yesterday, at 6w4d pregnant, I had surgery to remove an ectopic pregnancy from my right tube. It had a heart rate of 98 bpm and was measuring 5w5d.

Despite never having had surgery, it went well. They were able to save my tube. Needless to say, however, we’re taking a big long break and going directly to IVF in 6-8 months if we can get the okay.

I can’t decide yet if blogging this whole experience has helped me or anyone else, because things have just gotten worse since beginning, and I don’t have many followers.

I may or may not continue; we will see. If I have helped anyone, please let me know. I also plan on documenting the ectopic in more detail as well, in hopes that someone who may be scared about surgery can learn.

For now, I have some closure. Sweet Pea has a “birthday” and it was March 29, 2013. Rest in peace, tiny one. You are very much loved and missed.

I’m sorry for your loss, hon. ❤ I'm very glad the surgery itself went well for you. I think sharing your experience with the surgery would help many women! Also, what led up to it beforehand, etc.
*hugs* to you. xoxo

I am very sorry to hear about your loss and I think you should continue writing if you think that it has helped you. From an outside prospective I find the info I find in blogs so much better then the message boards. First hand stories are more comforting then someones quick response. Best of luck with the IVF.

I’m so so sorry to hear that you are having to go through this. It’s awful.

Blogging has it’s ups and downs. People will stumble across it, and it will help them along the way to know that others have been through the same thing. I found discovered blogging right after my miscarriage. But it helps to be doing it out of a personal need to get something out. If you are real and honest, people will relate, and you will develop followers over time. It takes awhile. And there are ways to boost that, like commenting like crazy on other people’s blogs, getting acquainted with Stirrup Queen’s Blogroll and putting your name on that list, and taking part in ICLW. But it’s a slow growth!

Oh goodness, friend. Please don’t feel silly about writing that. We all want to be loved by others. It’s so natural to want people to read what you have written and to care about you and support you. Especially during difficult times. I’ve had very similar feelings and I can guarantee that anyone who has ever written a blog ever in the history of blogging has felt the same way at some point. Especially when the topic is so emotional and so personal. Girl, you’re just fine! 😉

Hey there! I just replied to your comment on my own blog, about going forth with IVF, so you can read it over there… but wanted to come and visit as well. Like dearest Lentil has said above, getting more readers/followers is just a matter of putting yourself out there as much as possible by commenting on as many other blogs as you can, and also getting onto the Stirrup Queens list. And as weird as it sounds, bloggers often start seeing MORE followers when they’re going through really tough times — numbers tend to drop once you actually get pregnant. Anyway, I’m sorry to be meeting you at such a rough time in your journey… it’s amazing they were able to save your tube, but I really agree that it’s better to move on to IVF at this point. Even if that tube looks OK, there can easily be microscopic problems with it that will prevent an embryo from moving through. You just REALLY don’t want to go through this again. Stay strong, and keep writing — things will start looking up again eventually.

Thanks so much for both of your comments. I don’t think I’ll have too much convincing to do for my RE to agree that IVF is the best next step. After all, on the cycle I got pregnant we didn’t do IUI anyway.

Trying to stay positive. Especially now that we have a 3-month forced break, it will be nice to not stress over each individual cycle.

I’m so sorry xx the important thing is if the blog helps you! I think its great and anyone being out there and sharing with others and having others identifiying with your emotions can only be a good thing xx

Nickee, I can very much relate to how you felt throughout this experience. I lost a baby in week 10 after a bumpy road with BETAs and waiting for the baby to catch up growing. On the 4th ultrasound, they found no heartbeat and I had a similar experience in terms of emotional and physical pain. There is no good way to deal with this experience, other than doing what you deem best. In my case, I wrote about it on message boards since i didnt have my blog yet. I look at the blog as a diary now. Basically writing down everything exactly how I feel without having to worry about others feelings or offending anyone. Its my raw thoughts, and thats how you write your blog as well. Take the time to grief and heal, it took me about 6 months to be able to think and talk about my experience without getting upset and start balling. I am now in a better place and have learned so much about my body. Dont give up, look forward and enjoy your break. ❤

I’m so sorry about your loss, it’s terribly unfair after such a long struggle. Despite it all, I’m glad they could save your tube and that this whole ordeal didn’t rob you of that as well. There is no right or wrong in how much or how little to write. When you need to vent, reach out or document something you feel is important, then write about it here. I hope you are able to try again when you feel ready, if that’s what you want.