what to do you do when you ask for help and it isnt there? for those that have followed my posts know that I had asked for respite care but in the end we did not take it. I was given some help this weekend to reinstate our respite care for this year but it seems that the doctor wants us to go back and prove that the MIL has capacity to say if she wants respite care or not. My OH and I have had a massive row about it - he is in denial and its all falling apart at the seams. The MIL agreed to respite in January then a month later she forgot and chucked her toys out the pram and guilt decided to have a go at us so we went against the care taking separate hols. I asked him the OH to come with we to the docs again to get respite care, I'm on my knees physically speaking and he has refused saying whats the point in a year she wont know we can go on hols then.... SS wont do anything without the doc, the doc wont dont anything without the MIL and the OH is in denial. I'm done in.

Caring is much harder than we imagined it would be and it sort of creeps up on you so that eventually you find you are doing much more than you intended.
This is the trouble with dementia - it will take everything that you give it and still want more. All the while you are plugging the gaps SS will not be interested.
What would happen if you became ill or ended up in hospital? I think that you should work out your limits - what you can do and dont be drawn back into doing too much again.

Set yourself a limit on what you are prepared to do.As it is his mother maybe he should be getting more involved.You need to take care of you as no one else will.It is not easy to do when you have a partner I know

Caring is much harder than we imagined it would be and it sort of creeps up on you so that eventually you find you are doing much more than you intended.
This is the trouble with dementia - it will take everything that you give it and still want more. All the while you are plugging the gaps SS will not be interested.
What would happen if you became ill or ended up in hospital? I think that you should work out your limits - what you can do and dont be drawn back into doing too much again.

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Hi Canary You are my voice of reason but at the moment and I hate dementia - its not fair on anyone, ironically the SS said dont let it reach crisis point! I;ve reached my limit and have nowhere else to go but I am i the middle of all of it.

I certainly know how you feel. It seems so unreasonable for the PWD to be calling all the shots when you are the one doing the actual work. Sliding into arguments with your husband over it is is all too easy as you are both under stress. If he needs to stay with his mother then you may have to live with that and make sure you get a holiday by yourself. Not great but hopefully a temporary solution.

I certainly know how you feel. It seems so unreasonable for the PWD to be calling all the shots when you are the one doing the actual work. Sliding into arguments with your husband over it is is all too easy as you are both under stress. If he needs to stay with his mother then you may have to live with that and make sure you get a holiday by yourself. Not great but hopefully a temporary solution.

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Hi Marion you are completely right, its not ideal but at least I get a break away and will see my sister who I have not managed to do for 2 years. Feeling a little more positive today was a little "stressed" yesterday to say the least - thank goodness for the forums!