A REAL FEMA Press Conference

You’ve probably heard about the fake press conference staged by the Federal Emergency Management Agency. FEMA says it called a media gathering to discuss response to the Southern California fires, but due to a foul-up, only gave reporters 15 minutes to arrive.

CBS

Heckeva job, Philly

When the media wasn’t able to get there in time, FEMA staffers filled in and lobbed softball questions — “Are you happy with FEMA’s response so far?” — in for deputy adminstrator Harvey E. Johnson. Reporters were able to listen on a phone line, but could not ask questions.

In an attempt to set things straight, we’d decided to hold our own press conference. The questions are all those of an actual, veteran news reporter (me) and the answers are from actual news sources, which will be listed.

Ready to begin? Great:

Thanks for coming. Let me just ask you, Michael Chetoff, director of Homeland Security, are you happy with FEMA’s response so far?

“It was one of the dumbest and most inappropriate things I’ve seen since I’ve been in government. It showed extraordinary poor judgement.” (CBS and others.)

OK, we’ll put that down as a “No.”

Also, I’d like to ask FEMA director David Paulison a question. Sir, I wonder if you could use a couple of adjectives that would convey extreme displeasure?

“Inexcusable actions . . . remarkably poor judgement. (Rueters).”

Could you put that sentiment in a complete sentence please?

“I am extremely displeased by what has transpired and will make the necessary changes in order to regain confidence and credibility in the eyes of the people we serve.” (CNN)

Looking back at it, Mr. Philbin, could you put this in perspective from your point of view? Oh, and could you use one of those strange, vague governmental phrases like “situational awareness” in there somewhere?

“It was absolutely a bad decision. (Washington Post) I should have cancelled it quickly. I did not have good situational awareness of what was happening.” (CBS)

Thanks, I’m always impressed with the way you guys wield that government speak.

So, Mr. Philbin, I guess the worst thing that anyone could say about this was that it had absolutely no planning to it. Would you like to take this chance to deny that?

“There was no forethought to this at all. It just happened.” (Federal Times.)

Ouch. Well, Mr. Paulison, I understand you got a phone call from Mr. Philbin after the incident, Could you share what he said?

“I am calling to apologize and say it will not happen again.” (CNN)

Yeah, geez, that would be embarrassing if it happened again, wouldn’t it? But on the other hand, you’re pretty much done with that job anyhow, aren’t you? Won’t you be starting a new job as senior spokesman for the director of National Intelligence on Monday?

“Mr. Philbin is not, nor is he scheduled to be, director of Public Affairs for the Office of director of National Intelligence.” (written statement from National Intelligence office.)

Wow. Doesn’t that seem like you’re kind of throwing old Philbin under the bus here? He’s been in government for 25 years. Wouldn’t someone, like the White House, like to step up and say something about his long service? Maybe “Heckeva job, Philly?”

Yikes. It almost sounds as if this is going to be the end of your career, Mr. Philbin. Is that how you see it? After all, you staged a fake press conference. And you work in public relations. What can you possibly tell people who might even be thinking about hiring you now?

“I have lots of experience. I know how government works. I have credentials in government and academia and I am looking at my options.”

Really? Given that answer I just have one last question — You’re kidding, right?

Ouch. Well, Mr. Paulison, I understand you got a phone call from Mr. Philbin after the incident, Could you share what he said?

“I am calling to apologize and say it will not happen again.” (CNN)

Yeah, geez, that would be embarrassing if it happened again, wouldn’t it? But on the other hand, you’re pretty much done with that job anyhow, aren’t you? Won’t you be starting a new job as senior spokesman for the director of National Intelligence on Monday?

“Mr. Philbin is not, nor is he scheduled to be, director of Public Affairs for the Office of director of National Intelligence.” (written statement from National Intelligence office.)

Wow. Doesn’t that seem like you’re kind of throwing old Philbin under the bus here? He’s been in government for 25 years. Wouldn’t someone, like the White House, like to step up and say something about his long service? Maybe “Heckeva job, Philly?”

Yikes. It almost sounds as if this is going to be the end of your career, Mr. Philbin. Is that how you see it? After all, you staged a fake press conference. And you work in public relations. What can you possibly tell people who might even be thinking about hiring you now?

“I have lots of experience. I know how government works. I have credentials in government and academia and I am looking at my options.”

Really? Given that answer I just have one last question — You’re kidding, right?