Celibacy and Sex: Yes You Can Wait

Practicing celibacy isn’t uncommon or abnormal as people make it seem. What’s the rush?

I think it’s safe to say that at twenty-something I’m old and mature enough to have open discussions about sex. I also think it’s important that as a society we discuss sex to erase the stigmas associated with sex to reduce the high volume of STD, HIV and AIDs cases. By the end of 2012 1.2 million people were living with HIV and in 2014 over 44,000 Americans were diagnosed with HIV. So yes, we should talk about sex. Not just for pleasure but just as much for the protection of mental, emotional and physical health.

Last week during a lunch break with my fellow co-workers–all who are in my age cohort–we touched on the topic of celibacy. One of the guys currently in a long-term relationship revealed he’s been celibate for five years. Yes, my eyebrow raised a bit as I asked if that included any and all things sexual, which he answered yes. I even suggested that he do things for himself (y’all know what I’m talking about) to release the tension as it’s something women do often. He disagreed.

Christopher* admitted in practicing celibacy and he and his girlfriend are considering a ban on kissing. Although I too agreed with their vow to wait until marriage for sex, I thought a kissing ban was a bit extreme. However, kissing can and does take things to the next level and if it’s important for them to not cave to the flesh’s weakness, nix lip locking. I suggested they substitute in a solid fist bump.

Stay strong Christopher*, stay strong.

But our small discussion made me think about whether I’m practicing celibacy at the moment or if I just ain’t doing IT. I decided to take the celibacy pledge over a year ago when I promised myself to build a better relationship with God. Not because I wanted to hold myself to a higher degree of sanctification than others but because there is no value or purpose in meaningless sex. It’s not that I just want to wait until marriage, but for the right person and the right time. If that happens to be when I get married I’ll be okay with the wait. Basically, what’s the rush? Sex is not the only thing that changes the dynamic of a relationship or marriage. But sex is rushed. If you aren’t firm on your stance of premarital sex the message you receive will most likely be the wrong one.

Practicing celibacy isn’t uncommon or abnormal as people make it seem. It’s no different than acknowledging for health purposes you need to go on a diet. If you don’t like your body image or on the brink of high blood pressure, you need a change. I’m not saying my sex life was that full but you have to know whether what you’re doing is even right for your body.Who cares if everyone is doing it. Just because everyone is grubbing on McRib sandwiches (that may or may not be made of real pork) doesn’t mean you have to, too. Why is it so hard to believe in celibacy?

It’s something I wondered when Russell Wilson and Ciara admitted they were celibate. Let us know it’s okay to wait and you don’t have to rush into having sex for a relationship to feel like a relationship. Let us know we can seek intimacy in other ways and get to know as much as we can about someone before the condom (or lack thereof) is ripped open. It’s your private business why, but thank you.

*- names have been changed

*This post was originally posted 03/30/2016 and later restored, edited and republished. Read about that here. It may or may not contain original photos used.