Smart Went Crazy

Category Archives: Debauchery

editor’s note: this is a blog that I wrote way back when this happened (sometime in February I think?) but just never posted for some reason but I feel like the week of Halloween is a good time to post a story about a house getting egged.

LA Times – Los Angeles County sheriff’s deputies are serving a felony search warrant at the Calabasas residence of singer Justin Bieber in connection to an investigation into an egging incident at his neighbor’s home. Sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore said eight people are being detained inside Bieber’s home, including the singer. Los Angeles County sheriff’s deputies are serving a felony search warrant at the Calabasas residence of singer Justin Bieber in connection to an investigation into an egging incident at his neighbor’s home. Sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore said eight people are being detained inside Bieber’s home, including the singer. Whitmore said the egging incident was determined to be a felony because it caused several thousand dollars worth of damage. Nagelmann said the neighbor told deputies he had seen Bieber throwing the eggs. The offense in the initial police report is listed as misdemeanor vandalism, according to the Sheriff’s Department. Authorities said it was unknown what prompted the egging.

So this is the big news of Tuesday morning in the Los Angeles Times. Just splashed all over their website. Which I’m going to take as great news because it obviously means that all of the other problems in the greater-LA area have apparently been solved. You can sleep with doors unlocked tonight Los Angeles! All crime has been solved.

That being said, as the pre-eminent smut blogger in the American Southwest I would not be fullfilling the office I was sworn into if I didnt mention this because to be quite honest this whole thing a bit perplexing. First off how the hell do you even rack up several grand in property damage throwing eggs? I mean I knew that pop royalty like The Biebs are goign to have access to the finer things in life but what was he throwing, Elephant Bird eggs? Really nice to see that the Sheriffs didnt over react or anything with a dawn raid on Casa de Biebs in search of, eggs I guess?

San Diego U-T – San Diegan Greg Ryan is living proof that what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas. Over Christmas, the Patio Restaurant bar manager was spotted in Bellagio Casino’s arcade by reality show star Khloe Kardashian. He was wearing one of her track suits.

Gotta love how Khloe made sure to throw in that now they can “say they are unisex” just to make sure everyone knows that this is, indeed an article of female clothing. Kick a man while he’s down why don’t ya? For fuck’s sake. Thats a really tough break my man and I feel for you. Could have easily been anyone of us and before you start crowing how that could never be you because you’re such an Eddie Tough Guy and would never wear female clothing you probably need to pump the brakes and think about how this guy ended up in these circumstances. One second this poor shmo is lounging in his Vegas hotel room with his chick and she sends him down to the lobby to grab coffee or some other errand. He figures why not, it’ll keep her happy and I can grab a drink or six while I’m down there.Figuring he wont be gone long and is still kind of hungover he heads out of the room and just grabs one of the sweatshirts on the chair by the door. He doesn’t realize it’s hers until he gets into the elevator and just shrugs it off assuming that it’s the middle of the morning or day or whatever in Las Vegas and he’ll just anonymously blend into the sea of madness and lights that is Sin City. Just minding his own business trying to just enjoy his cocktail and forget that for Christmas somebody got you a Kardashian brand hoodie, next second one of those bridge trolls is putting you on blast all over Instagram.

So I’ve decided that since we’re into the New Year (is that supposed to be capitalized) now is a good time to introduce some new things I want to do here around OneLastLine. One of the first things I would like to get done is to make it official and institute Wu-Tang Wednesdays. Around lunch (on the West Coast) every Wednesday I’m going to post at least one video or song from the Wu-Tang Clan or one of its many members’ solo shit. My train of logic is that lunch time on Wednesday is damn near exactly halfway through the workweek and we could all use a little pick me up to try and close out the second half of the week. Now bring da Mothafuckin Ruckus!

MSN – Farrah Abraham has some explaining to do. The MTV alum turned porn star has been accused of faking a relationship with Brian Dawe for the purpose of making it on VH1’s “Couples Therapy” — and some people, including fellow “Teen Mom” star Jenelle Evans, are not very happy about it. Dawe told Starcasm that the “Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom” star hired him to be her boyfriend. “Farrah told me to lie to the network and tell them the relationship was real,” Dawe said in the interview, which he also shared on his Facebook page. “I hesitated but reluctantly went along with it initially.” Dawe ended up not doing the show, leaving Abraham to face Dr. Jenn Berman alone. He told Starcasm he couldn’t go through with the alleged lie and sent an email to the producers informing them of his decision. “I decided my morals and integrity were worth more than any amount of money,” he explained. “I stepped out of the security line [at the airport] and made a life-changing decision to stand up for what I believe in and turn down the check I would be receiving for my appearance on this show.”

This walking pile of muff cabbage is a real fucking piece of work. I mean if being one of the bigger train-wrecks on Teen Mom, a show that may or may not be the harbinger of the apocalypse, isn’t enough degrading yourself for money she went out and made a full blown porn. In a desperate grab for attention and equipped with a really loose grasp on how the shelf life of fame and straight up whoring work she did some super dirty, super degrading stuff in that video (or so I’ve been told. by friends that have seen it) and then had her father negotiate the deal with Vivid for her. I suppose this is the part where I’m supposed to sympathize with her pops or something here but I think having to be te agent for your teenage daughter’s absolutely raw and filthy anal hammering porn is exactly the punishment this guys deserves for being possibly the worst person at their job since Lincoln’s Theater Security detail. Chris Rock said it best “as a father you have only one job in life: keep your daughter off the pole. If she’s dancin’ on a pole you FUCKED up!” Her father would love it if his baby girl was merely dancing on a pole in some club by the airport for dollar bills from Thai businessmen. But he done fucked up something special at raising a daughter. Pregnant before she can get her driver’s license, getting her O-ring blown out in a full fledged porn that she advertised to the world and now this, hiring some no-name schmuck to pretend to be her boy friend so she can keep the spotlight on her pathetic ass a little longer and get on some ridiculous VH1 reality show. The worst best part of this whole thing is just how perfectly homeboy played his hand. Pretends to be her boyfriend in a troubled relationship with a professional whore, believable enough to get them on the show. Then in line at the air port he just skips out, chucks up deuces and runs to the tabloids to tell everyone she was going to pay him for the whole charade but his “integrity” or whatever got in the way and he just couldn’t go through with it. Right guy, it was your integrity that suddenly crept up on you after you snaked all kinds of folks. You sure it wasn’t the fact that you knew this chick is at the “Finish Her” Mortal Kombat stage of her public (and possibly actual) life, is super desperate to stay relevant and that you would get a huge publicity boost for essentially leaving her at the Reality TV altar. Every time I think this broad has hit rock bottom she proves that its nothing but a trap door. Its crazy, she’s at a point now where she may as well just embrace that she clearly loves two things: attention and getting the bejeezus fucked out of her, and just become a full-time porn star. Whatever she does I’m sure it will be cringe educing and very public.

Daily Mail – Women will need to run for five hours two minutes to burn off the food they eat on Christmas Day, while men face jogging for four hours 25 minutes, a study found.Women will consume 3,514 calories on December 25 and men a waist-expanding 3,640 calories – up to 76 per cent more than the recommended daily allowance.

Welp there you have it ladies. As if you needed any further reasoning science is now officially assigning a number of hours required to run to burn off a Christmas spent indulging in sugarplums or whatever. I personally have no issue with a girl getting down with the get down at the X-Mas dinner table. Do what you gotta do babe, Lord knows the winter holidays were made for wanton glutinous behavior. Just get that ass out the door bright and early. Get to working those 3500 calories off and I’ll see you in 5 hours 6 hours (just to be safe). Hell by then I’ll probably be hungry and need a sandwich or something anyway so in the end it all times out pretty well. Thanks science, good lookin out.

This is one of the best 2 week stretches in SanDiego (and probably any transplant-centric city) . Everyone leaves and goes back from whence they came for the hollidays. I dont like being cold or having the threat of snow hanging over my head so I stay out on the West Coast and I get to have the city to myself. Its kind of nice being in a major American city (we can debate whether SD is a major or a mid-major some other time) when its essentially populated by a skeleton crew. Downtown was whisper quiet yesterday, Ocean Beach is like a high school on senior skip day today. I love it, its great, like I can stretch out a little bit. Theres always a seat open at the bar, there arent any lines at the grocery store or post office or DMV or wherever and the traffic lightens up pretty dramatically. Not to mention that orphan holidays are the best holidays. Overall just a downright enjoyable time to be in America’s Finest City.

PS –
This is doesnt hurt my argument for staying at the beach for the hollidays:

San Diego Union Tribune – Former Mayor Bob Filner added another ignoble notch to his year of infamy: America’s Worst Boss 2013. So says the website eBossWatch which allows people to anonymously rate their supervisors and put the boorish former city chief executive ahead of 49 other people from around the country who were in competition for the dubious honor. Filner made his way to the top from the array of sexual harassment and groping incidents that led to his resignation on Aug. 30 and has spawned nearly $4 million in claims against the city by women he allegedly wronged. He will be serving three months house confinement beginning Jan. 1 after pleading guilty to two misdemeanor and one felony count stemming from his actions.

Just another excellent commendation for Bobbin’ Head Filner to put up on the mantle at home. Named the worst boss in America by some website for his laundry list of transgressions in the couple of months he was actually Mayoring San Diego. Its impressive that he got any mayor stuff done while in office because it really just seems like he spent most of his ways coming up with dumb ass ways to sexually harass/assault frumpy looking middle-aged women on the tax payer dime. The best part of this whole thing is that not only did he somehow get elected Mayor of San Diego but the man was a sitting US Congressman from 1993-2012. Meaning was re-elected several times. There is not one chance in hell the this kind of behavior began only after he was sworn in as Mayor, it was too blatant, too arrogant for a first timer. This was somebody who had been groping and getting away with it for a loooooooong time. How did not ONE of his opponents figure this shit out and use it against him the good old ‘Murican! tradition of political mud slinging? If people are trying to try to sell me that he never grabbed a tit in the Nation’s Capitol can’t quit their pitch now because if that’s what your sellin, brother I ain’t buyin.

PS –

Being from a state politically dominated by the Kennedy’s for the better part of the last 70years it warms my heart a little bit to have some good old fashioned political scandal and abuse of power in San Diego. Now it really feels like home.