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Whether they admit to it or not, everyone has a real, personal reason to do a marathon. Some do it to raise awareness for a cause or charity, others are big jocks on a quest to prove themselves and more and more people have reasons specific to themselves and their experiences in life. People are asking me: why are you running a marathon? My initial response is usually “I’m proving my doctor wrong.” But it goes a lot deeper than that.

When I was going through my car accident and the aftermath, it was a really dark period in my life. I don’t mean to say it was something horrific like someone battling cancer or losing a loved one, but it was pretty bad. I was in pain 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365 days a year for nearly 2 years. That’s going to take a toll on someone. Not to mention I was 205 pounds and had the lowest self-esteem in the world. During that period, I endured ridicule about my weight both from strangers and from people who I thought were my friends. I took myself into a downward spiral every time I set foot in the shopping mall and nothing fit. I wanted something, anything to feel better from the pain I was in. The only thing I could do was eat, so I did.

After being laid up though, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I decided to do something. I lost all the weight and was feeling good. I had a lawsuit going on my car accident, but lost out on a huge settlement due some technicalities with paperwork. It was a huge blow. I thought after all I’d been through, at least I’d have some money as compensation. Even my podiatrist backed out of testifying when he saw how tough things were getting. I was so angry and hurt by the whole situation.

I knew I had to move on and let go. It was over and nothing more could be done. Yet, here I was, this person super into fitness who had turned their life around and I couldn’t run. Initially, I only wanted to run because my doctor said I never would. I was so pissed at him, that was my main reason. I used to watch the Biggest Loser marathon episodes over and over and cry that I couldn’t do it. I never knew I wanted it so badly, frankly. I think it’s just my personality that if you tell me I can’t, then I want it more. I made up my mind that I was going to be a runner and I was going to run a marathon.

I was going to prove everyone wrong. The lawyers who worked for the other side in my case, my doctor and the people who made fun of me for my weight. I had no idea how I was going to do it, but I knew I would one day. That day came in August when I tried the treadmill for the millionth time, but for the first time didn’t have any pain in my foot. I bumped the speed up more and more and suddenly I was running and I wasn’t hurting! I couldn’t believe it. I went as long as I could, which was a whopping 10 minutes, but it was more than I had ever done.

I decided, if I can do 10 minutes, then I can do 26.2 miles. And so the quest and the training began. Here I am 3 days away from the marathon, an event 4 years in the making with me. I am doing it to heal and to bring closure to a bad time in my life. I’m doing it to give hope to others who feel hopeless whether it’s over a health issue or a lost job or a death. It’s to show, that if you have enough determination, you can overcome almost anything.

It may cause some damage to my body initially, but ultimately it’s going to heal me.