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Bend OR 9770 [ Name Address City State _Zip Eve Phone ( THE FEARRINGTON HOUSE A Small, Elegant Country Inn and Restaurant near Chapel Hill, NC -* **** CHATEAUX .... ) Back Technologies 2525 West Casino Road · Everett, W A. 98204 1-800-433-5599 @ 1992 Back Technologies Inc. Dept 459 L______________________________________ 2000Y Feamngton Post,Pittsboro,NC 2 ï 312,919-542-2121 THE NEW YORKER., MAY 10, 1993 gets mistaken for a joke or an imitation of someone dippy, when in fact your car is one of the few places besides the bath- room where you can sing the best songs the way they were meant to be sung. They all think my singing is terrible. Screw them. (I did.) You sing in the car because it feels good, you can't help it, and because you know the fucking words. Everyone I've gone out with-it's like a secret tradition they pass down from one to the next behind my back- laughs, then puts her hands over her ears, and after a while gets huffy or angry when I sing. I confess I'm not a professional, but I'm at least trying. You know, I wish I had some say in what traditions they pass from one girlfriend to the next. What is it with me, though? I mean, I lie, I fuck whoever will let me, I can never remember the name of her best friend, and I hate to dance. I will, I do often, I volunteer, but it makes me nau- seated, and I end up sweating too much. I come off with my shirt soaking, prob- ably because I'm so out of shape. I at- tract a crowd of people who can't believe how bad I am. Like the worse I act, the more they want to be around me. By the time Louise and I left the party, the liquor had done things. I kept running into the curb on the way out of the parking garage I went home and shut my eyes and tried to sleep, except there was this guy, the guy who looked like a chick, walking around the party in my mind. I watched him walk up to the bartender, I saw him reach into his front pocket to get money, and I saw how his round butt stuck out a little-somebody stop me-and I was horny, so horny I couldn't believe it. I kept thinking about it and squeezing my legs together. Just his butt in his jeans. I'm like tingling. I actually wanted to whack off to him. See, in my mind he was sort of a woman, but- What do I want to say here? I made myself fuck Louise. I didn't want to-and she was the very picture of unconscious-but I had to. I'm a man. Any man would do the same. The next morning over coffee and cereal, I asked her how she knew this guy, what was his name, where did he work Now what? Was I all of a sudden gay? I went to sleep one night and woke up a homo? Put yourself in my place. I had to clear my head. I had to forget. The next