(Closed) How did you decide how much to spend on your parents?

We are getting married and are trying to figure out what to get as gifts for our parents to say thank you for the wedding. I have assumed this whole time we would be getting my parents something more expensive, because they are paying 2.5x as much as FI’s dad. FI’s dad is a widower but is dating someone pretty seriously now.

I figured a weekend away would be a good thing for my parents, because it would fit our budget to do a living social thing or something like it, and that’s something I know they would really appreciate. Fiance always said we could get his dad a photo album from the wedding.

Fiance just emailed me saying now he thinks a weekend away would be good for his dad too. I was pretty surprised because that would be giving them the same gift even though my parents are paying for much much more of the wedding. I am a student without an income, and we are trying to save as much as possible. Giving his dad the weekend would also mean basically giving his girlfriend a gift who is not paying for any of the wedding.

I feel like it’s unfair to my parents to give them the same gift. Am I being rude to his dad or out of line? What do you think? What did you do for parents?

@aeroplaneoverthesea: I feel the same way you do. My parents are paying for almost all of the wedding, FI’s parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner. We have been looking at groupon deals, we’re hoping to give me parents a weekend in Napa. We’re not sure what to do for FI’s parents – we don’t want to insult them with a significantly smaller gift, but also don’t think they should receive the same gift as my parents.

DH’s parents got nothing because they gave nothing, nor helped with any planning/organizing/setting up. They were mere guests at our wedding so they were treated as such. They got wine, gourmet artisian chocolates and local cheeses, just like everyone else.

We had a custom piece of jewelry made for my mom to wear on the wedding day.

@AmyFarrahFowler: Thanks for making me feel better about my opinion. FI’s dad is paying for the rehearsal dinner and chipping in for the band. I would like to get him something, but definitely not spend as much as on my parents.

@QueenOfSerendip: I think that is perfectly reasonable. I like how you stated it so simply.

I guess I just need to figure out how to bring it up to Fiance without sounding mean or tacky.

@aeroplaneoverthesea: I think you’re right, but maybe you could just say to your Fiance that you can’t really afford to give such a large gift to two sets of parents, and feel like you need to for your parents because they are paying for most of the wedding.

Then maybe you could propose something with a similar feeling but less expensive– for instance in my area groupon/livingsocial suggests a lot of “dates for two” deals that don’t break the bank like a whole weekend, but are still more special than a regular date night…maybe a meal at a wonderful restaurant near where FI’s dad lives, or a wine tasting for two?

I feel like the wedding gifts to parents are a way to aknowledge they are a special part of the day, and thanking them for everything they have done for the couple not just in regards to paying for the wedding. FI parents offered to host a rehersal dinner, my parents are paying for everything else, but Future In-Laws raised Fiance and without them I wouldn’t have him. But I may be in the minority with that feeling.

@aeroplaneoverthesea: agree. my mom is paying for the entire wedding plus breakfast the next day. FI’s list is 63% of the 130 guests. Fiance and his mom are paying for the Rehearsal Dinner and that is about 30 people.

i am paying for her makeup and wanted to use that as her gift, i know we are not supposed to. she isn’t very close to Fiance.