"Well, I believe in the soul, the c*ck, the p*ssy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. And I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. And while I'm ranting, let me tell you, I hate tuxedo pockets. Look! These things are just so awkward. I can't put my hands in these pockets without making me look ridiculous!"