BDSM: Take Charge During Sex

talking dirty

Once you're certain of trust and limits, you can start enjoying the possibilities. The first one is talking dirty, which is pretty self-explanatory. A lot of people don't even talk at all during sex, so to say anything is a groundbreaking revolution. But for others, it's liberating to start talking to their lover with words they wouldn't usually verbalize.

Test the waters first by saying something like "your p*ssy feels so hot," and once you're both comfortable, see how far you can take it. Always check for her response, and allow for some give-and-take between you so that you're both aware of what the other wants. You might be surprised at how willing she is to make sex even dirtier.

Then you can graduate to tying your woman up and teasing or tickling her imprisoned body until she yells out for more. You can try spanking, biting, pinching, and twisting — or experiment with old standbys like hot candle wax and ice cubes.

Depending on your limits with pain, more serious spanking, or even whipping or paddling, might be something you can explore — you can find the equipment for these adventures at any well-stocked sex shop. But like everything else in sex, start small and work your way up.

give up your power

In order to maintain a loose balance in your power play, it may be wise to trade off taking charge and be taken charge of. You can do this from week to week, or from night to night. This way each of you gets to experience both dominant and submissive positions, enjoying each for its own merits.

You may even discover that you and your woman fit perfectly into a power-play relationship, in which one of you is always dominant, the other always submissive. In order to figure this out and learn about yourself, all you have to do is play and see what turns you on the most.

You can be whoever you want in bed — torturer or obedient slave. It's up to both of you.