Fiction,Non-fiction.Tales just to make you laugh or smile or atleast giggle...

Tuesday, 29 December 2015

EXPRESSION; THE BEST TEACHER

For some reasons best known to the back benchers, the lecture theatre was noisy. At that point I imagined it being a norm to make a list of noisemakers in a university, and as a punishment, such persons be made to cut grass (tell me it won't be epic seeing law students cut grass in their white and black 😂😂 😂 😂).

I turned to see those who would make such list when I sighted one of my course mates who had on a very beautiful weave. In a way, we have the same shape of face although my head is twice the size of hers. I approached her immediately the lecturer stepped out of the class and greeted her so warmly she asked if I was running for a political post as it would explain why I was being so friendly. I asked her for the name of her weave and she said it was a naked weave. Initially, I thought “naked weave” was a brand name like Chocolate and I made to write it down but she was quick to tell me it was one of those weaves that don’t come in pack. I smiled and lied that I knew and was only checking if my new pen was working. I asked her how much it cost and she said she got one for 15thousand naira and she used two bundles. I swear, I heard my bank account laughing at me but I kept preaching to myself that nothing was too hard for the living God I serve. The closure was also nice so I asked to take a picture, but my phone’s camera took a terrible picture and she offered to send a picture from her Iphone. I turned on my Bluetooth eagerly and was trying to create a connection when she told me “Iphones don’t have bluetooth” and she offered to send it through whatsapp. I got to my room and was thinking of how many months of drinking water and salt it was going to take me to save up 15thousand naira (I already made up my mind I was only going to use one ignoring the size of my head).

Later in the evening I went to a store where they sell weaves and other hair accessories with the hope of asking if the owner was in need of a sales girl/ assistant/ gardener/driver for two months. Unfortunately, I met a sales girl who looked like she was made to curse so I hurriedly changed mission and showed her the picture of the weave I wanted. My joy knew no bound when she said “ah expression lo se weafon yii” (expression made this weaveon). I asked her to show me and she brought the weave. Actually, it had similar curls but the texture was really terrible, it felt like the sponge used for washing dead bodies (don’t ask how I know what the sponge feels like). I knew deep within me that it was not the same weave at all but I knew saving 15k within two months was not possible, especially now that there was no gardener’s job for me. It cost 650naira for one but since I bought two, the sales girl sold one for 600naira. That night, I slept with a smile on my face and I even dreamt that Expression made me one of their hair models after seeing a picture of the hair on me on Instagram with #Expressioncurls#

The next day was a Thursday and I didn’t have a class till 2 so I decided to go fix the weave. My hairdresser said she fixed the same weave for someone the previous day, though I knew she was lying, I didn’t mind. “E ba mi shey ko fine o” I told her.
After 45mins of what felt like she was digging my scalp for gold, I looked in the mirror and I was looking like this

It was really terrible. It looked like the woman got lost on my head while trying to close up the fixing.

I was looking like that ram God sent to Abraham. The woman's little daughter who just woke up ran out when she saw me. I was screaming and asking why she made "jazz" on my head. She felt so bad and did not take money for her services (not like I was willing to pay). I told her to loosen the weave and as she was doing that I was crying, I still do not know if I was crying because of the pains or for the fact that my overnight dream of becoming a hair model which I considered a possibility had been shattered.

Last week, I saw the girl in class with a new weave. Nobody taught me when I shifted my gaze and focused on the lecturer who was cracking dry jokes and laughing at them alone, "I won't name names".

Tomorrow, I'm going to cut my hair. I cannot come and go and die.

P.S: Sorry for the AWOL that i WOL. It was due to unforeseen circumstances. I wrote quite a number of stories while i was away (this story is one of such). I hope to post the others soon.

P.S.S: I dont take christmas chicken. I'm a beefer god and I am still taking beef/ money for cow.