A conservative blog written by a U.S. Marine which focuses on protecting the Constitution and our liberty.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Little Known Disease Estimated to Effect Millions

I have recently been made aware of a little known disease that tens of thousands may be suffering from, and not even know it. It is a very difficult to diagnose disorder that effects brain function, and causes it’s victims to say and/or do incredibly irresponsible, often idiotic things. This disorder is known quite simply as douchebaggery, or “DB”. Long term this disorder can lead to an inability to function normally in society, and may cause a more serious condition known as Misfortune Due to Douchebaggery Syndrome, or “MDTD”.

Those that suffer from DB and/or MDTD may experience loss of respect, loss of possessions, loss of friends and family. Symptoms include exaggerated feelings of confidence, overinflated ego, loose lips, problems with law enforcement and/or any authority figures, inability to speak at a low volume, laughing hysterically at own jokes, association with liberals and progressives, inability to hold down a career, urges to install mufflers on cars that sound like weed-whackers, wearing of sunglasses indoors, wearing of Che Guevara shirts, flexing of muscles in public places, belittling of the opposite sex, desire to wear pants at knee level, desire to tell everyone exactly how much you’ve had to drink, purchasing of wheels that cost more than their car, urge to wear fake tanning products, bleaching the tips of your hair, and countless others.

Do you or somebody you love suffer from DB or MDTD?? Unfortunately there is currently no cure for either disorder. Recent studies have indicated positive results in 25% of patients from a treatment known as “punch to the throat” or PTT, but further testing is required. If you suffer from DB or MDTD you are not alone. Some very famous people also suffer from this heartbreaking condition:

I was recently made aware of a website owned by a writer who obviously suffers from advanced stages of the disease (Inmalafide.com) Thanks to Sharon from www.theliberalheretic.com for providing this information and I am hoping maybe we could set up an intervention to try to get this website author to accept the help he so desperately needs to combat the DB which causes him to spew idiotic, mindless thoughts.

Recently, a “Douche Off” was conducted to raise money and draw attention to this not-so-rare disorder. I pray someday we will find a cure.

My spies inform me that you have dissed one of my MRA PUA alpha male brethren, the ever-vajazzled dweeb Ferdy Bardamu. Heresy! You are clearly a man of the most inferior nasal appendage.

There is an entire squadron of us Internet Alphas (led by Citizen Lemonade @ Wordpress) who have Seen the Perfidious Slut Matrix, and you shouldn't question our masculinity. We’re sensitive old scavengers and you must keep it tactful - I suggest that you say, that’s one Alpha Male Pterodactyl. (Only if you really want to, of course. Everyone else is, and the leading neutron discombobulation experts highly recommend it. No pressure, but the Submissive Helpmeet Squadron will know if you haven’t. Just if you feel like it though...)

Indifferently,SexyP

----Out of character, Sexy Pterodactyl’s evil female typist says:

Good for you. These twerps censor any criticism of course (SexyP and I tried to post at In Mala Fide earlier) and far too much of the right blogosphere crowd laps up their dogma. It’s good to see others on the libertarian-conservative side of things making fun of them (this Alpha Male Pterodactyl thing is my parody of their doctrine and personalities).

I write some libertarian-conservative essays (escapistart.wordpress.com, I think “Room at the Top” or “Mercedes Socialism” is my best so far, but people seem to like “Much Younger World”) and if you like, I or my alpha-dominant pterodactyl would be glad to do the mutual link thing

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About Me

I have been serving on active duty in the United States Marine Corps for 19 years. Originally from the "Show Me State" I believe in action over symbolism and "doing" over "feeling", and I'm a staunch, Constitution following, Reagan Conservative