Unsure so far

Thursday, August 7, 2014

I've been thinking at a certain point is suicide the right and necessary solution? When something is no longer of used to you, you throw it away and forget about it. Unless your a hoarder then congrats on your TLC show and all of the cat shaped cookie jars you own. Is it only the clinically depressed and hopeless that find peace at the end of life or the rational ones? People are afraid of getting old and getting sick so why wait for the inevitable to happen? Why not clock out early and die as your best self, physically of course, with no wrinkles and no fear. Whats stopping us from suicide, dieing is going to get you at some point anyway, why not pick and choose how and when it happens. You retain control till the last eyelash flutter. instead of some random bullshit we call "fate". Life is hard death is easy. Dieing is nothing to be feared but hoped for. No stress, no dead lines, no feelings of not being good enough. Your finally done. All your responsibility's are gone. Death is like being born, sense of new and overwhelming peace. Maybe suicide isn't giving up, but it's making a conscious choice of being ready for the next chapter.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

With the help of social media the idiocy of romantic relationships have become complete trash. All the different "categories" we're put into are ridiculous. The "bae", "fuck buddy's", "just talking","wifey material". What happened to a romantic courtship? Now days a grand romantic gesture is @ing someone on twitter and saying their ass is "on point". Worse than tat women have been brain washed into thinking that a like on their selfie on instagram is as good as roses! Throwing rocks at a girls window has turned to retweeting a overused quote from some John Green novel. Giving your steady girl your class ring and letterman jacket has moved to buying match Nike's especially for a "tumblr selfie". Has romance died or has it evolved into a different practically extinct form?

What does a secret even mean? "I'll tell you but you can't tell them?".Whats the point? Are we only telling the close ones that we trust? The ones that we think won't judge ? Or just the first ones we talk to, to get off the guilt? We feel that we only want certain people to know and dread others to even think about you. Secrets could ruin a life, yet we still tell others about these awful, naughty or embarrassing things. What qualifies something as a secret, something that is illegal? Or something that you just think would horrify others to know about you. What distinguishes between "bad boy" behavior you flaunt on social media and the humiliating situations which you would kill for anyone not to find out.

It's amazing how hard it is to go back to normal after only one single night with one single person. Things were in a certain routine before that night and things go back into that routine after and yet, left behind is a little twitch in your mind convincing you it's not that as it were before. That twitch is telling you that you could have said something or done a different thing to make it better. Or why that person isn't thinking about you as much as you are them. It doesn't make sense to worry and weeze over things that are out of your hands and are in the past. But everyone still does. No matter how hard you wish to go back and change something, you can't.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

When Louis Armstrong looked around he saw a wonderful world in all of its greatness. I find this though and philosophy stupefying only because I'm not sure I could ever do that. He looked around and saw the blue sky's and green grass. Not war, not starvation, not inequality,but simply the world in all of its purest virgin quality's. People now almost find the jazz tune sarcastic and almost a joke. Were people just more hopeful back then? Or has the world beaten down this new generation into the non-hopefuls? or are we just all numb to the beauty and hideous world?

Sunday, April 20, 2014

When little girls make their dolls get married or have their stuffed animals have a family they do it because thats what they think is supposed to happen. The stereotype of little girls wanting marriage and babies and stepford-wife stardom never quite clicked for me. As a child i more pictured myself alone, i was never on my wedding day, never with kids. I was perfectly happy as ever child imagines their future adult life but i never wanted what the other girls wanted. for christ sakes i went through my emo phase in the second grade. I never ever EVER wanted to live here either even when i was a kid i wanted to be anywhere but here. When I was seven I knew I hated living in this shit whole and that as soon as graduation comes it comes with freedom. Its not an exaggeration when I think I would rather be homeless in Manhattan then wealthy in the suburbs of a small town.My best friend wanted her kid when she grows up to go to the same school she did and i did then and do now think that is pathetic. Now when i think about my up and coming adulthood I just think that i'll end up ruining any success I gain. Like once everything falls into place in my beautiful apartment with my designer labeled closet and full to the brim bank account along with my newly cellulite free thighs I'll just destroy myself. I haven't decided if it'll be alcohol or drugs and I honestly don't want either but I don't know if it can be helped. Am I in charge of my future or is fate just giving a sneak peek?