02/18/2018

It happens at work, at home, online, and all over the television programs which continue to stir the pot -- encouraging it to boil over.

What am I referring to?

People who can't have a discussion that involves empathetic discussion.

What is empathy?

Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

It can be as simple as saying to your child, "I understand how you might feel that way." Or to your wife, "You feel very strongly about that issue, I can appreciate why, given your experience." Or to your coworker, "That makes sense..." before you offer your opinion. It's having high EQ -- something that many with IQ simply don't possess.

Your argument has a chance of being heard when you stop and listen to the other side's point of view. When you refuse to acknowledge that the other person just might have a point, you turn them completely off to any chance of hearing YOUR point of view. How incredibly short-sighted do you have to be? If you want to be heard, you first have to hear!

I am so frustrated by a world of angry, one-sided purists. It's draining. It's demoralizing. I lose respect for the other person when I don't see them acknowledging my analysis. After a while, I wonder if it is worth being anywhere near them -- as I know I simply won't ever see eye to eye with them. What's the point? Seriously. All this talk about having an "honest dialogue" is nothing if you don't want to hear why someone is thinking the way they are.

Change can only happen when everyone is willing to look through the eyes of another -- to examine problems from many angles. I know it isn't easy, but we'll never progress if we keep going like this.

This debate we are having on gun rights is killing our nation. I want to stand up and scream "Your right to bear arms does not trump anyone's right to live." But, I appreciate that there are responsible gun owners. Taking guns away solves no problems. Enforcing laws already on the books helps, but not completely. Getting adequate mental health care -- treating the mind like we do the body -- that is what we need to do. And yes, we need to reduce the number of guns in circulation. There is just no reason to have millions of them out there. That's illogical. Why can't we sit and talk logically about these issues? Why can't we solve problems together instead of continuing to stand on principles?

08/20/2017

We think that we have to have total control in order to maintain our position.

And when we feel our position is even in the slightest way threatened, we begin to doubt others' intentions. We look suspiciously at others for clues as to their motives. Everything takes on a meaning separate from what appears at face value.

The longer I live, the more I'm beginning to realize that control is a complete illusion.

We have no more control over our lives or our relationships or our jobs than we do the sun rising in the sky each day.

And yet we fret, we ponder, we scheme.

Of course, I'm talking big picture, here. Not the day to day stuff of getting up on time for work, being present for your loved ones, or making deliberate attempts to participate in life by taking on obligations and fulfilling them.

I'm talking more about the things in life that we worry about that we can't really effect.

We can't control whether or not a big corporation (or a small company for that matter) is going to decide to lay us off. Sometimes, we're just not the right fit for the job they have despite our talents. Sometimes the job changes and we just don't have the skills to take the company to the next level. That's just a part of life. And certainly, we can't control whether or not we hit the genetic lottery and get a disease like cancer or develop a rare allergic reaction to a medicine intended to cure us. Some people die needlessly in random accidents -- they are just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sometimes friends fall out of touch, couples drift apart, people get caught up in the blame game and stop talking for years. Things just happen.

What I believe is that we can show up and try every day to be present. We can listen, empathize, forgive ourselves and forgive each other. We can reach out and share our talents with our coworkers. We can do our best for our communities. We can show our spouses we love them by saying "I love you" in ways that make them know that we still care. We can hug our children, we can call our parents. We can tell our friends how much they mean to us while we can.

Life is so freaking unpredictable. The more you try to control it, and the people in it, the more you lose your ability to manage the inevitable change.

No one starts out as a child thinking that that she may be alone, evicted someday without a place to stay. No one expects to feel wrecked by a death of a loved one that rocks our world so hard you feel it for years. No one expects to find themselves feeling alone after years of being surrounded by family and friends, and yet so many of our fellow humans are by themselves and are suffering from depression because they lack a good group people who care.

There's no secret recipe to a good life. It's all in the technique of how you are living it. If you remain open and feel grateful for what gifts you've been given, you can be happy despite the constant challenge and changes that life throws at you. I try to be a realistic optimist -- thinking good of people and situations unless I am proven otherwise. Giving someone the benefit of doubt rather than assuming the worst goes a long way when you don't want to be controlling.

I'm convinced that the only way to get through life is by taking the time to create and maintain meaningful connections with others. This helps us create an invisible web which keeps us steady when our worlds are rocking out of our control. There's beauty and strength in relying on others.

04/01/2017

Someone has said something so wrong that I am gobsmacked -- unable to respond appropriately.

I was always taught to speak my mind, but speak politely. I must admit, I have stumbled a few times. I have been direct at times when I probably shouldn't have said a word. I was inappropriate, not out of malice, but perhaps my enthusiasm got ahead of my sensibilities. I did learn, early on though, that if you make a mistake, you own up to it. You summon up the courage to apologize for offending someone and find a way to make the situation right. You don't hide from your mistakes because lord knows, we're all going to make them, and the worst thing you can do is to pretend that they didn't happen.

My daughter has been dealing with a situation at school with another student. This other person has been more than inappropriate. He has been telling her things that no one should ever hear. ("You should go kill yourself. You don't have any friends, no one likes you.") He says things in a "joking" manner. He sends text messages about killing himself. The other kids laugh -- sometimes -- nervously. But no one tells him to stop. That's just him, they say. He's stressed out. He has a tough time at home. Excuses, excuses.

She's been dealing with this herself. She's told him repeatedly that what he said wasn't funny, and he had to stop. Her girlfriends knew about it, but they didn't say anything because that was "just him being him."

He went too far this week. He caught her at her locker and told her that if she went to a place where many of the kids gather after school that "the group will rape you." Yes, that's what he said. Twice.

In a vulnerable moment, later that night, she broke down and told me. And I was speechless. Then I was overcome with sadness, as I hugged her. Then it turned to anger. I was mad. And I told her I'd help her handle it. And I praised her for her courage to reach out and speak out even though it was hard. And my anger melted as I imagined what it must be like to be that other kid.

We contacted the school. Our principal was swift, compassionate, and professional. We want the other child to get help -- we are not looking for punishment. He must be hurting badly to lash out like this. Someone had to say something. I'm glad my daughter had the courage to speak up. For herself. For her "friend." I then contacted other parents whose kids are in this circle to let them know right from me exactly what happened. You know how rumor mills twist everything.

We need to make each other's business our own business. We need to teach our children to stand up for themselves, yes, but also to know when lines are crossed and to always feel empowered to ask for help. And if we teach them these lessons when they are young, then when they are older, they will know what to do when they need it most.

03/14/2017

"Aren't you worried someone is going to think you are writing about him?" my friend asked.

Not really, I replied, shaking my head.

Because when I write, I don't really write about anyone in particular.

Perceptions and feelings. That is what interests me most. I write about how I feel, from my heart and my mind. I don't write about anyone else. How can I? I don't know what other people think and feel -- I don't live in anyone else's head. I also don't write about singular experiences. Things that are fleeting may capture my attention briefly, but rarely do they give me enough to consider as fodder for a post. Plus, I have lived long enough on this earth to know that I don't have an original thought! Nor do I have original experiences! (Not only do I like to write, but I really, really, like to read. There's quite a lot to read out there on the intertubes!)

Seriously, that's true.

When I am finally motivated to write about something, it's usually because I have experienced something more than once. I pick up on patterns. I mull over them. I do a lot of introspection. I wonder, is it just me? Is this something unique? Is it a shared condition? In my search for meaning, I read what others write. Often I am surprised at how similar our experiences are. In many cases, I put down my (metaphoric) pen and close my pad. Enough said. Other times, I don't see what I am thinking out there...and so I choose to add my two cents to the mix, hoping to add additional insight to someone else's thinking.

Writing honestly is not about being clever. It's not about serving your ego either. For me, it's about having a conversation. It's about expressing thoughts that need to be said so that a connection is made with another person. That's it. Pretty simple. If you spend all your time crafting the exact prose -- you may miss the whole point of writing -- that is -- to communicate.

Honesty doesn't mean that you are right all the time. It doesn't mean that you expose people or all your inner thoughts for the world to see. What it does mean is that you write clearly and cleanly without pretense. It is about taking look at yourself, looking at others, drawing conclusions, and having the courage to express your opinion. Opinions aren't write or wrong. They just *are*. As someone, somewhere said, like (fill in body parts) -- everyone has one.

If you think you see yourself in someone's post, I believe that means you are open, and perceptive, and can grow. I see myself in honest writing all the time when authors describe something that I am insecure of in my own life. As you might imagine, I find myself touched, often when I read about challenges people have being good mothers, good wives, good employees, good bosses, good daughters. I read about better ways of managing my relationships all the time and wonder at what point -- what is good enough?

But I think we're all in various states of imperfection. That's what makes us so interesting. That's what makes reading honest writing so interesting. When people don't pretend to have all the answers. When people are willing to lean on each other, it can "honestly" -- be magical.

03/13/2017

I've been so fortunate to have been mentored by some of the most amazing leaders in the corporate world.

When you meet them, instantly you feel comfortable, like you've known them forever. They don't play bullshit games of phony hierarchies -- yet there's no doubt whose in charge. You can't wait to work with them, because when you do, you feel like you can do anything because they believe in you and your ability to get things done. They give you assignments, knowing that they are vague and rely on you to come through. As you present your solution, they praise you, enhancing your good idea with a few suggestions that make it even better. They make you feel like you can fly because they give you the wings you need to lift off.

I've learned the most from those people who have been generous with their time and their knowledge and most of all, their trust in me. By entrusting me, they gave me not only the confidence to perform well, but the impetus to perform at my best. Was it to please them? Partially, yes. But it was also to prove to myself that I was as smart as they thought I was.

In my line of work (management, marketing, data & analytics) I have seen many very book smart people who lack EQ (emotional quotient.) They know what to do, but they have no idea how to really relate to other people (other than superficially) or how to really motivate them. They don't know how to empower their teams. They use authoritarian styles of management, and have a very difficult time thinking quickly on their feet because they haven't developed an ability to trust their guts. Their teams often stagnate because they don't feel like they are trusted or empowered to act on their own. They can't fly when their wings are clipped. They stop caring and start pointing fingers when things go awry. They tell the boss exactly what the boss wants to hear because they know they aren't really going to be heard anyway.

I've also been on teams filled with racehorses, ready to go, but the leader provides little direction so the team gallops off in different directions, stirring up a lot of dust. Have you ever watched a crew race? You'll never win if you're not all rowing in the same direction with a strong person at stern as your coxswain. Leaders who don't appreciate and channel the strong members of their teams will wind up having people go rogue or worse, leave and go to the competition. Frustration builds among those who remain and nothing substantial gets accomplished.

My mentors have always treated me with respect and I hope that I've done the same for those who have worked with me. I feel that each person who comes to you has a special gift and it's up to you as a leader to figure out what that gift is. You need to determine how to use it towards your mission, or how to place that person in another role where he or she can shine.

Everyone wants to do well. Everyone wants to be successful and grow. It's up to the leaders to take good, hard looks in the mirror and constantly assess how to better articulate the vision, chart the course forward, and use the biggest damned macheté to cut down anything in the path of success of the team, including yourself when your ego gets in the way. Because strong leaders and strong teams together? They are unstoppable!

- This post is dedicated to Ann, Erica, Julia & Frank & Debbie & Steve & Judy - amazing mentors, all, in different ways. And special thanks to Wendy who got me riffing off her post...

03/06/2017

There are days, weeks, even, where you feel like you are firing on all cylinders.

You know what I mean.

When you wake up on time without an alarm. When the sun shines and the lights all turn green as you are driving along. When serendipity comes into play -- and all your connections magically seem to fall into place when you need them. When you open your mouth and the words tumble out, intelligently. Life is good, and you know it.

And then, just as quickly as that good feeling is building, so does the extra work.

When things are going well, the law of attraction states that more must come to you!

And before you know it, you are buried again, trying to get out from under all the work that has come your way as a result of all that good karma generated when those cylinders were all firing! The good glow fades, and the exhaustion creeps in, as you scramble to keep up with all the commitments made by you or on your behalf. Now you can barely rise when the alarm goes off, you hit snooze a few times to catch a few extra z's. Somehow, you can't seem to string words together, and writing which can often be effortless, is just a struggle.

Sheesh!

Life.

Damned if you live it. The only other option isn't really worth discussing!

(First world problems, eh?)

I'm finding myself a bit overwhelmed. So many wonderful things happening at once. So many loose ends to tie up. So many things to analyze and adjust. Where does one start when there are so many things that need to be done? So many people pulling in so many directions? All good, truly!

Laughing to myself. This pile of work - and my clear procrastination by jotting down nonsense in my blog -- aka echolalia -- is a sign that deep slumber is near! Time to shut the brain down and turn off the lights... there is always tomorrow.

Nothing good comes when you are rushed. I need to slow down and remind myself that the world was spinning long before I arrived and it will continue long after I'm gone. As I tell my team, we're not dealing with life and death matters, no one is on the table! But when you are passionate about what you do, sometimes, you take it too seriously. And that's when you need to learn to stop and walk away and rethink, right?

02/12/2017

Every generation thinks that it is living in some uniquely strange times.

Yet, when we look back at history, we can’t point to any time where everything was copacetic — when everyone agreed about everything. There have always been struggles for domination. And in that context, there were many roles to be played. There were leaders, and those who entered battle as warriors. There were crusaders, evildoers and bad actors and of course, those who had no power, the weak, the abused, the persecuted. Good and evil. Establishment and order for a period and chaos brought about by rebels who opposed the status quo. Ever since humans felt a territorial urge — this crazy game called life has played itself out over and over. And who you were and what part you played was dependent upon the vantage you had when the delicate balance of power was upset in some manner.

We see it in every aspect of our lives. There are those who are in power. And those who aren't. The good guys don't always wear white hats and the bad guys come in 50 shades of gray (or more.)

I do believe at our core (despite circumstantial evidence this year!), most of us are rational beings. We understand that we function well when we can rely on each other, and peace and order is achieved best when there are certain knowns that everyone acknowledges. That’s why we have regulations, laws, and rules. Governance is an important part of a fully functioning society, workplace, school, and family.

The problem is that very often, those who make the rules use those rules to demonstrate authority, to impose order, rather than improve the factors that make achieving a goal attainable. (Dare I bring politics into this? Fill in your “favorite” here.) Often, the new “rules” make the very situation they are attempting to improve — worse, because the rule makers didn’t think through what they were trying to achieve nor the hidden implications of rules, once enforced.

"Any fool can make a rule and any fool will mind it."

Henry David Thoreau

Many years ago, when he was a relatively young and new manager, my husband was asked to enforce a dress code on his large, geographically dispersed team. The edict came down: all women were expected to wear skirts, nude hose, and heels to the office. Anything else was in violation of the company’s policy. (Ancient history? No, this was in the mid 90’s.) Now, he could have simply enforced the rules, yet he stopped to consider what was being asked of him. After recovering from shock (modern man that he is) he thought to himself. Do women think better in skirts? Do they perform their jobs any better? Do they turn in better research for their consulting projects when skirted? Does their work differ from women who wear pantsuits? And finally, if women have to wear them, do men have to wear skirts too?

Peter is brilliant strategist and realized quickly that the rule itself was in fact, flawed. He cited laws in California with which he could exempt his team, and ultimately, forced an evaluation of the rules that made a dress code like this necessary. The team responsible for making the rules had to stop and ask themselves “WHY.” What was the goal the rule intended to support? Did it actually support the mission? To have a nimble, happy, creative and productive workforce? The answer, in this situation, was “no” — it did not achieve the goal, in fact, it had the opposite effect. Had they worked in an environment where protective gear was necessary, or out in the public representing a brand, then certainly, some form of uniform might be necessary. But to make women coming into a back office dress in heels, with hose and skirts each day? What was the point other than to appease someone’s idea of what was “acceptable attire”?

I'm sure you can think of many examples, when upon reflection, the rules make no sense at all. Who says you have to have your salad before your entree? Why can't you wear white after Labor Day? Why can't you chew gum at school? Why can't you fist bump your friend in the hall? Wear braids in your hair? Why can't you eat dessert before the main course? How can you be old enough to bring a child into the world, to vote, to potentially lose your life in a war defending our country, but not be able to have a beer legally? Where is the logic in that?

As we enter 2017 with continued uncertainty, we have to keep in mind that there have been many rules that have been put in place in our lives without real thought to the WHY.

Rules can create a sense of order and can free people to live and work in confidence. On the other hand, poorly designed and executed rules stifle creativity and progression. While it’s impossible to get 100% buy in from everyone when regulations are simplified and the logic is explained, I believe the majority can learn to work within set parameters.

Many rules may be annoyingly inconsequential and can be laughed off compared to what is really worrying me.

Living in Central New York, we are situated on top of Marcellus Shale one of the largest sources of natural gas in the U.S., considered to be the second largest in the world. In fact, “New York has more than 7,600 freshwater lakes, ponds and reservoirs, two Great Lakes and over 70,000 miles of rivers and streams.” (Source: The Nature Conservancy) To put it simply, we have one of the greatest sources of natural gas sitting next to one of the greatest sources of fresh water.

I think about rules that have been made (exemptions from the Clean Water Act come to mind) and recall in disbelief what I saw watching the FLOW (For the Love of Water) documentary, and Gasland, where people who had fracking wells operating near their homes demonstrated lighting their tap water on fire! Water is a finite resource. It is essential for all life on earth. Yet those who exempted certain companies from the rules didn’t stop and consider the implications. And here we are years later, and they are still gambling with our very existence on this planet by contaminating our water supply. All that for cheap energy. What’s wrong with this picture?

I’m worried that across all of our ecosystems (families, schools, towns, businesses, government, and society) we have stopped being critical thinkers.We have become so overwhelmed with getting by that we don’t have time (or more appropriately, we don’t stop and make the time) to think before we act. We feel a need for control so we DO and therefore we ACT without planning.

Lord knows, I’m guilty of this myself. I often run from one crisis to another, trying to keep the balls in the air and have precious little time to plan. When I stop and think about it, I have to laugh. I'm no doctor, I'm not saving lives! So, as sure as I’m sitting here, I'm thinking about how I want to change my tiny corner of the world. I know I must make an effort to think differently about the WHY before I say no or impose restrictions on my kids, my colleagues, friends, and family. Coloring outside the lines is okay. So is leaving dishes in the sink now and then. Or not making the bed, or going to every single practice. Sometimes we have to stop the world and slow things down.

I know this to be true. If we can’t be open about the little inconsequential things how are we going to learn to be open enough to change the world?

12/07/2015

Not the kind where you sit quietly and contemplate all that is right and wrong in your world, but rather, the kind where you listen to yourself speak to see if you are truly articulating what you feel when you are in the moment.

The question I have is which is the real me? The goof at work and at play who has a memory like a sieve and tells some awful jokes? The serious marketer and researcher who gets so engrossed in a topic that hours fly by when I'm on a mission to learn all I can about a subject? The flirty, flippant conversationalist who can and often does strike up conversations wherever I might be? The very loyal, dedicated wife and mother and friend who can offer laser sharp attention on the needs of my chosen family and block out the world when they are ill? Is it the confident, extraverted woman who knows what she wants or the more introverted, quiet, insecure girl that still lives inside and often doubts her abilities?

Who am I? Who are you? Who are we when we meet?

Do we show different parts of our personalities to different audiences, or are we the same all the time?

It's true, we are the same people, but the circumstances in which we can express ourselves can make us appear one way or another to even our closest companions. Why is that? Why do some people and some situations make us feel incredibly confident and creative and others pull out our insecurities and put them on display for all to see?

I'd like to say that there are answers for these questions. I'd like to think that we could just be ourselves regardless of who the audience might be. But I think that is unrealistic. There are times we need to let go and other times when we need to restrain ourselves because we aren't necessarily sure of where we fit in in the scheme of things. But underneath that, we are at our core, the same people, with the same dreams, hopes, strengths and idiosyncrasies that make us unique.

So when I hear someone say that they had no idea that someone was so shy or so loud or so creative or so contemplative -- I have to think that the person commenting just doesn't bring out those qualities in the person being discussed.

I think we are all like Rubic's Cube. Only when you line up all the squares does side become complete. And it takes a lot of practice to solve the puzzle -- it can't be done overnight. With most of us, I believe getting to know all of our sides may take a lifetime of trying -- a lifetime of willingness to play and experiment.

10/27/2014

I have been thinking a lot lately about my past, my present, and of course, the future.

Where will I be in 5 years? 10 years? Will we be living here? Where will our kids go to school? Which friends will continue to be part of our lives and who will fade away as circumstances change?

All this thinking, this reflection on the past and the contemplation on the future can be simultaneously exciting and yet filled with angst. "If I could do it again, I would..." But that is just fruitless, isn't it? We haven't invented a time machine and even if we did, that whole time-space continuum thingy would be irrevocably destroyed causing unforseen damages -- and who would chance that, anyway?!

No, we can't go back any more than we can predict the future. Oh, some of us plan obsessively for the life we think we want in N years but truth be told, you cannot predict what will happen that can take even the best laid plans and waylay them. Control is an illusion, isn't it? Yet that doesn't mean that we can't be deliberate with the present.

The more I think about it, the more I feel as if by choosing to live deliberately, in the moment, in the present -- the happier and more fulfilled we become. That doesn't mean that we spend ever penny, or we neglect obligations to chase our fleeting whims. Rather, it is more about looking at what we have and making a conscious choice to be happy with it.

I think people are in our lives to live them with us as active participants. We learn so much from each other when we allow ourselves to be open to change -- and change only happens when something from one person causes a reaction in another.

I'm experiencing a time of great change these days. I'm looking back at the last 49 years and as crazy as some of them were, my regrets are few and far between. I truly love the people who are in my life. I love my new job -- and the chance I have to learn and grow and make a difference. I love that my children are becoming their own persons right before my eyes. I'm growing old with my husband, my friends, and sisters and brothers-in-law (my co-authors of our collective lives history (fairytale?) and am always amazed at who we are and how far we've each matured through the years to the people we've become.

I'm with the same man I fell in love with 26 years -- at this point we've spent more time together than apart. Despite both of us growing and changing, and challenges of perception, health, wealth, and circumstances, we have lived a charmed life so far. I have truly intimate relationships with people over time that span the practicality and reality of our respective lives. We can go months, even years without seeing each other and yet, we can pick up the phone and continue as if no time has passed. That is a gift of the present. That is a gift that makes me so aware of enjoying the moments while they are happening, because that is truly what life is made of -- *this* -- being truly here, present and particpating.

Contemplative? Yes. Crazy? Maybe. Here? Definitely.

Does my personal navel-gazing belong on a public blog? I don't know the answer to that question. I think yes. Why do I share? To connect I think. I enjoy solace, but I enjoy being part of the collective so much more. Joy, discovery, love, lust, sadness, loss, ache, confusion and clarity -- all of it is meant to be experienced together and not in a vacuum. When we cry, our tears are filled with emotion that spill from deep inside. Tangible emotion in a liquid form. When we laugh, the sound is irrepressibly communicable -- we can't help ourselves but to react to the sound caused by delight.

We were meant to be here and to share, that is what I know. That was by design, not default.

06/02/2014

In the past month, I found two four leaf clovers (aka shamrocks.) Considering that they are not easy to find, and somewhat rare for the casual clover viewer -- well, I felt kind of lucky. The funny part was that the circumstances under which I found these little gems made my story feel special.

In both cases, I was at the high school field, sitting in a lawn chair, watching the Freshman baseball team play. The skies were gray, the air was cold. This is life in May in Central New York. Spring ball can be a challenge for even the most dedicated fans.

The first time the team wasn't finding their groove at all. They kept missing the easy plays and I think they just didn't have their heads into the game. I admit, I was discouraged -- all the parents were -- and I was just looking down at the ground around my feet. I brushed my hand against it -- and tilted my head in disbelief. I had to get down really close to the ground to inspect it. Wow! It was a four leaf clover! I can't tell you how giddy I was!

Of course, I announced it to the rest of the parents on the team and my daughter rushed down to tell my son. Wouldn't you know it, they won the game! Silly, right? But that feeling of something special carried over to the rest of my week. Whereas I was feeling in the dumps before, letting those gray CNY clouds get the better of my mood, suddenly things just seemed to be unfolding in front of me.

Now the second clover find happened at a game similar to the first. The boys were having a rough time of it. And again, I wasn't really paying attention. After the rarity of finding the first (they say the odds are 1 in 10,000) I wasn't really looking for another clover. But sure enough -- I let my eyes fall to the ground right by my chair. When I focused, a smile crept across my face, then I yelled out loud! I found another! There is was! And sure enough, the boys pulled ahead and won the game!

While the lottery tickets I bought weren't winners (shocking, right?) I did have a slight change in perspective. Prior to finding those clovers, I was feeling a bit bummed about some recent changes in my routine. Those clovers reminded me that sometimes when things are not quite as you'd like them to be, luck can appear and change your fate.

Now of course, I've been looking for them. And I haven't found more! But that's OK as I don't think luck is something you can really control. Yes, being in a field overrun by clover did increase my chance of finding one of these little mutated plants. But I had to be relaxed enough to let my eyes see it for what it was. After all, if you look too hard, sometimes you miss the very thing right in front of your eyes.

I was relaying my story to another mom at the field this weekend (I was scanning the ground while she was talking to me...) She told me that she actually bought a package of shamrock seeds and her girls routinely find the lucky clovers! I have to laugh. I guess that's what's called "Making your own luck."

As for me, I'll just keep putting myself in the right fields ... and leave my eyes open to the possibilities that exist. Hopefully, I won't overlook my lucky moment.