Men of the Year: Heroes

With just a small pack of medical supplies, Sergeant Joshua Delgado learned to work fast in the most trying circumstances. As a new breed of medic, he’s one of the hundreds of unsung heroes in Iraq, kids with limited medical training who are saving more men on the battlefield than in any other war in American history. Read his private journal entries here, on GQ.com. And pick up the December issue of GQ for Damien Cave's compelling story.

4 June 07

So for two days straight there has been some kind of explosion/attack on the FOB [forward operating base]. On the 4th June two mortars hit the FOB. One hit the TOC [tactical operations center] building and the second hit the back of our substitute platoon sergeant's tent. A small piece of shrapnel was embedded in his left cheek. I went to the aid station to see him, and I started to joke with him when I saw him, because it looked like he cut himself shaving. But that was too close for comfort. On the FOB it used to feel safe, because this is not Iraq, this is our base—but when the rockets or mortars land, it just runs a chill down my back. I give myself one second to accept my fear, but then I have to get back into action and do what is necessary.

5 June 07

Today it was either mortars that hit the TOC or a VBIED [vehicle-borne improvised explosive device] by the gas station. I think it was both, because the building that has the TOC in it shook like there was a direct hit, and the gas station was on fire from some explosion. I was inside S-1 [administrative room] at the time and was like, Damn, not again. I need to get out of here, Bella—just a few more months.…

Turns out that explosion today was just a VBIED. Man, that must have been a lot of explosives, because it exploded at the gas station near ECP 1 [entry control point 1], and it shook the TOC building like something hit it. The distance between the two is about 400500 meters, with two buildings in the way. Not even an hour after I wrote this, a rocket landed just west of the FOB. You know it was intended for us.

6 June 07

Man, I just found out Carissa had to spend the night in the hospital because yesterday she was throwing up all day and vomited some blood. The hospital says it may have been because she vomited so much her esophagus got irritated. But then her systolic blood pressure was at 89 when they checked it, and they can't tell me that is OK. She said we have to wait for the blood and stool test to come back, but she is going be there a second night. It's a good thing she is with her parents right now. To top that, she is thinking about staying in Texas to have the baby, which is not bad, because I want one of our children to be born there, but I suppose I need to feel comfortable knowing that everything will be taken care of, since I'm not there. So I asked her to get all the information about the hospitals and, if she wanted to continue with school, to find out about internet classes. She is really good with having everything she needs in order, so I'm not too worried, but I still think we should talk about it together when she gets all the information she needs. As I was coming out of the MWR [morale, welfare and recreation], I smelled some of the burning trash from Mahmudiya, and it reminded me of burning flesh. You can never forget that smell. For three days after the 19th I could smell it for no reason. Tomorrow we have an early S.P. [starting patrol], I need to get some sleep. I just hope everything turns out all right with Bella.

7 June 07

So today is Cheese's birthday—man, is he going to get it later at the barbecue. These anti-coalition forces are on a timetable; a third straight day they shot at us around 1400. I notice a lot of people are more jumpy; I'm more jumpy. The other day, when we were playing cards, the KBR [Kellogg Brown & Root] guys were setting up their movie area, and that intro for THX surround sound came on, and three of them jumped because of the whistling sound. I would have jumped too, but it didn't sound as distinct as the rockets do. You can hear the rockets fly in, then this little pause and a big thud explosion. As the rocket flies in is when you freeze for that one second to try to hear if it is getting closer to you. Bella sent me an email this morning, so I guess she is out of the hospital, which is a great thing. She wrote she had something to tell me, but I don't know if it is serious or not, so I'll have to wait for a couple hours to call her. Looks like cards tonight and a little ox action.

Well, I was only able to play cards today, because the game took so long, but it was fun. I'm getting a lot better and would have won if Mac didn't come out with some incredible hands today. But while we were playing, the gun line shot a couple counter-fire missions, and we jumped at every one because it sounded like a rocket exploded near us. Yeah, we can laugh about it afterwards, but it really isn't a funny situation to be in. I called Carissa up after the card game because I couldn't get ahold of her earlier. Well, there's good and bad news; good news she is out of the hospital, bad news is that they did find blood in her stool test. OK, I'm going to be a little more worried than I really should be only because, one, she is pregnant and, two, because I am over here and I can't be there to help her out with anything. But I know she'll be OK. We finally chose a name for our son: Jacob Joshua Delgado. Hopefully she doesn't change her mind about the name, because she tends to do that while she's pregnant. The name does roll off the tongue pretty good.

8 June 07

So today was pretty simple, but the SGM [sergeant major] came out with us, so we had to jump through some hoops—so the platoon looks like exceptional soldiers. I'm being a smartass, but it's kind of funny: If a high-ranking individual decides to drop by, people go to great length to make everything perfect when there is really nothing wrong in the first place. Some people in the big M [Mahmudiya] are acting up again; I wish they could all just get along. I feel like a parent disciplining two children who can't get along. Let's hope as time goes by they can see they are all the same people. When we got back to the FOB, I ran to the chow hall to keep them from closing, but no one showed up, so I walked back to the tents, and the SGM was having an AAR [after action review] so I missed some of it by accident. When I got there, he was talking about alternate ways to cross canals, because the anti-coalition forces are planting IEDs [improvised explosive device] on the crossings. So I got to thinking, what if we used the canvas from the cots and the net poles and jerry-rigged it somehow so it is somewhat stable I think I am going to try to build a prototype. But I know the guys would hate to carry it if it actually works, because we have so much gear already. I think it would be a slight burden but at the same time could be a lifesaver. We'll see what happens. After the meeting, we had a Texas hold 'em get-together. The PX [post exchange] finally got restocked, and of course I grabbed the peanut M&M's. I'm waiting till the chow hall has vanilla ice cream so I can mix some M&M's with it. I think I'm going to go to the gym, then watch a movie and call Carissa tonight. I actually have no choice about going to the gym, because Sgt. West is making us go. If we don't go three times a week, we have to get on his gym schedule, and that crazy goes at like 0530 in the morning. Oh, a good thing happened today—no rockets. At least I didn't hear anything.

9 June 07

I'm writing a little early, because we won't be here tonight; we're going on some kind of 24 hour operation out at one of the checkpoints. We'll see if anything interesting happens. The last platoon to walk in that area found an IED on one of the canal crossings, so they already know we've been coming around a lot. I hope we don't set one off. I watched a movie called Americano with Joshua Jackson and, I believe, a Spanish-speaking actress named Leonor Varela. Which was a good movie—a little different, but good no matter what. It is set in the present time during the festival known as the Running of the Bulls in Spain. It sort of reminded me of my wife and I, because the main character is trying to find himself and ends up finding the character played by Leonor. She in turn helps him to find love but also himself. When I joined the army, I didn't know who I really was, so I was like the character Joshua Jackson played; I was trying to find myself. I ended up finding my wife while in AIT [Advanced Individual Training] who I fell madly in love with, and she unknowingly helped me to see who I really am. In one scene Leonor told Joshua, "Do what scares you," which is a way she knew he could find himself. She was willing to sacrifice her feelings for him so he may find who he is and be truly happy. Now, that whole end piece can't apply to our current situation, but my wife, knowing that I would be facing danger, did not become selfish and ask me not to deploy. She, like Leonor, sacrificed her feelings for me so that I may finish my time in service knowing I may not return. She knows I signed a contract for a certain number of years, and after that time is up, then we will not have to face these hard times again. So like the actress, my wife did not think of herself first. The curly hair Leonor has also reminds me of my wife, because she has curly hair that I've loved since the first time I saw her with it. But my wife isn't the only one who sacrificed her feelings; any spouse who has seen their loved ones deploy has done this. Some return home and some don't, but it is the courage of the ones back home that keeps us going, to know that we will be back one day, hopefully.

While in the MWR, I've seen this sign up for a while, but it was posted in a response to what someone had written before. It said, "We are all idiots because we are soldiers in the army." I didn't give much thought to it, but as I sat at my computer, I started to think this guy is generalizing us like we are stupid, when we all knew what we were getting into signing up. Why complain about something that you knew was going to happen—being deployed in a combat zone Sure, I don't like to be deployed, and I'm not sure of anyone else who does, but no one forced anybody into signing the dotted line. I'll be honest, there are some people that you wonder how did they ever graduate high school But those are few and far between. The majority of people in the army are intelligent individuals. So I had enough of the sign, and as I was walking out I grabbed it, ripped it apart, and threw it away.

10 June 07

Well, we had a 24-hour mission over at one of the battle positions on Peggy. It was pretty quiet, and then we got a tip saying that there was going to be an attack on us. So instead of doing what we were supposed to do that night, we had to stay at the vehicles. In the morning, we went to look for a sheik to try to convince him to become an ally, I guess. The house we used as an OP [observation post] was NICE; you don't really come upon a house like this out in the country. Supposedly he was in Saddam's air force. We went up north a couple hours later. We've been through this area before but never really searched it, I don't know why. While we were walking through a field, one of our PFCs [private first class] flipped over a small haystack to see what was under it. Sure enough, there was something: He found some shotgun shells, anti-coalition force propaganda, and some kind of spy book that had information on people who were helping us around the area. I'm sure there was more stuff in it, but we couldn't stand around and wait for it to be translated, so we packed it up and started to head south toward the BP [battle position]. As we were walking, we received sniper fire from our northeast. Of course, we couldn't find the guy, because they like to shoot and run. But I do know I will take sniper fire over an IED. Unless it is a good sniper, the odds of someone getting hit is slim. When we got back to the FOB later that evening, I heard a lot of music coming from the motor bay, and I thought they had karaoke night or something. Turns out it was an army band from Liberty. The guys from my truck and I got some to-go plates, and went back to the motor bay and listened to them for a while. They were actually pretty good, and it was a nice change of pace to hear a live band. They sang mainly country and rock songs. When I got back to my tent, some of the guys were watching Three Kings, so I sat and watched it with them, but while we were watching it we heard a loud explosion, and I was like, Here we go again. I grabbed my aid bag from the tent, and we all went outside to see where it landed. Turns out it was Paladins. They had moved onto our FOB a couple days ago, but this was like one of their first times shooting. I swear it sounds like a rocket exploding. But I figured out a way to try to distinguish the sounds: You can hear a rocket fly in with a slight pause, then an explosion (usually they come in twos separated by 1520 seconds); Paladins sound like an explosion and come in pairs also but are very quick; and the gun line, well, it sounds like our regular howitzers. Let's see what tomorrow has in store for us.

11 June 07

I just started to think about the makeup of my platoon; being with these guys long enough, you notice characteristics about them. You have video-game jockeys, the musicians or wannabes (Sleeve, j/k), the gym guys, movie watchers, and internet addicts. Even though there's a wide variety of different people, the funny thing is they all intermix at the same time. You can have a guy who is all about the gym but at the same time can just lie back and watch movies all day or play video games. I think in society people have more in common than they think. We are so busy running around in this fast-paced environment we forget to sit back and smell the roses. If I was a civilian, I probably wouldn't have hung around half these guys, but being here there nothing else to do but interact with each other, and that has showed me that I have more in common with a large number of people than I realized before being in the army. I hope to carry that with me when I get out into the civilian world.

Tonight we may be going out to one of the checkpoints on Tampa; yesterday was a really bad day for one of the American units who have a battle position out there. The unit set up their living quarters and chow-hall room on top of the bridge where they are positioned, and yesterday two VBIEDs exploded under the support beams, which toppled the bridge. They had seven urgent surgical casualties and three soldiers were buried under the rubble, is what I was told. I'm not sure if there was any more KIA [killed in action]. I feel for the families who will be getting the bad news soon.

LATER ENTRIES

15 June 07

So another 24 hours gone babysitting the checkpoint. This time there were IAs [Iraqi Army] working to build it up, so that is a plus. I'm hoping just another few days and it will be done. It is an easy job just to sit and watch the bridge for 24 hours, but the problem is sitting in a cramped Humvee for 24 hours. My knees, thighs, and butt start to hurt bad sitting there. I can only imagine the pain some of the other guys feel that are taller than 5' 8". On another note, just sitting in one spot for 24 hours with a couple of guys, a lot of conversation arises. We talked about going on block leave, what jobs we had out in the civilian world, talked about people who we know lie about their life as a civilian. Then there was this moment when one of the guys sort of opened up about his life growing up. Stuff he probably wouldn't tell just to anyone. On our way back to the FOB, I thought I was smelling smoke and saw a little coming from our engine, but I couldn't tell, because it was dusty that day with the high winds. As we were making a turn onto the off ramp, I heard something pop, and my driver yelled, "Shit, fire!" That's when all the smoke came into our faces. We all jumped out of the Humvee, but the parking brake didn't work, so the driver had to jump back in and put the e-brake on. I saw a huge amount of fluid just fall from under the hood, and I yelled for everyone to get the fuck out. I didn't know what it was, and since we had grenade rounds in our truck, if it caught on fire there would be a bunch of explosions. We waited for about 510 minutes before heading back to the truck. It didn't turn out as bad as we first thought. The power steering went out, and I believe the fluid that came out was antifreeze. These trucks are starting to break down, and we are running out of vehicles. We have six for our platoon, but two are gone—either being worked on for breaking down or to get upgrades. One of our trucks that broke down a week before just got finished being worked on, so the original owner went back to his truck and we took the one he had been using. Now the only problem is A/C; we've had this truck before—the model is an 1151. It is like the Cadillac of Humvees, but shrapnel from a rocket that landed about 30 meters from our tents took out the compressor. Man, a truck with no A/C is very bad, especially during the day. I think that was part of the reason I had lost 8 pounds in the beginning of the summer—because we had that truck for a while before getting the one that just broke down. I have to drink at least 78 liters of water so I don't dehydrate in that thing. I'm hoping another truck comes in soon so we can trade out.

24 June 07

I thought today was going to be uneventful, but it turns out Iraq will never be boring. While on a dismount, I saw a lady with close to 30% second/third-degree burns on her body. It looked like they were wounds that happened at least a month or so ago. She had the bandages on her body, but you could see the gaps between them and the skin healing. One of the NCOs [non-commissioned officer] had to shoot a dog because it tried to bite him. The dog had a big hole, and something came out and dangled (I really couldn't tell if it was an intestine or liver or kidney). While I was in the aid station helping one of my guys, two civilian Iraqis had to be seen because they were in a car crash. One guy had a cut across his throat, and the other had massive injuries to the face. I helped out a little bit, but I like to play an assistant role if I'm there, because they have their routines and jobs they each do. When I got done helping with the guy whose throat was cut, I took off my gloves. Then I was told to hold the other guy's head, and it was covered with blood. Luckily I was able to hold him just right, so I didn't get that much blood on me. Note to self: Wear gloves until all casualties leave the aid station. I also found out we are going to stay 48 hours at a checkpoint, which sucks because all the cold water becomes hot on the second day; 24 hours is so much better, whatever. I talked to the chaplain a bit to see what his advice is about my wife's situation. He told me they could send me back, based on my family contingency plan is failing, but than I would be chaptered out of the army. This sucks; the delivery date is so close to when we should be going home (maybe 3 weeks earlier at most)—why can't I just go home early and help my wife He told me we should talk more when I get back from this checkpoint mission so we can brainstorm. I called Carissa afterwards, and she still isn't feeling well. She was supposed to go back to her parents' yesterday (she was staying with her cousin for a little bit), but she started to feel sick. Today, while we were talking, we had to cut the conversation short because she started to feel sick again and had to go to the bathroom. I hope the doctors she's seen before can help her out.

28 June 07

Where the hell did the time go I honestly thought today was the 24th. Well, we were out at a checkpoint for a couple of days. Sometimes it really sucks to be stuck in a truck for 48 hours, but being in that kind of position, you start to think and think and continue to think until you're back in your room, where you have some form of entertainment. While I was in deep thought, I saw a convoy pass by on the highway, and I kind of thought about the bigger picture; at first glance, being stuck at the checkpoint looked like we were being punished, but as I watched the convoys travel back and forth with supplies, you wonder, what would happen if we weren't here Would these guys have a safe route for the area we are covering Would it be laid with IEDs Sometimes while I was up in the turret, some of the guys passing by in their turrets would wave, like saying hi. It sort of made me appreciate what I was actually doing at that time. Then, between some of my thoughts, we started to have a debate, if wearing a rubber while having sex constituted that you were cheating if a person was in a relationship. Yeah, tell me about it—really stupid! But I guess that's what happens when people are totally bored. But I was on the side that any time there is sexual contact, it would be perceived as cheating. So we came to a compromise at the end; in any given relationship, if both parties are allowed to conduct the same activities without the other calling foul, then it would not be looked at as cheating. After that, I started to read some of the books I brought (of course it was during my off time). My wife sent me a really good one; it is called "Christian Family Guide to Parenting a Toddler." I read a lot of parenting books—I think it helps me out. I don't parent based on what the book says but how I personally feel about the situation; I suppose you can call them good helpful guides. It sort of helps me prepare for any given event I wasn't ready for. Hey, I found out we are done with missions on October 31. Hell yeah!—that's freakin' awesome. Of course, I won't be there for my son's birth, but as soon as I get to base, I'm leaving to go pick my family up in Texas. I'm going to try to surprise Carissa, leave a day earlier then what I tell her, drive to her parents' house from the airport, and show up in my dress greens at the door (with a bouquet of flowers, of course). I hope it turns out that way, because I think she would really like it. I forgot to mention that Carissa realized it was the traveling that was making her sick. She talked with her parents, and she decided the best thing was to stay over there, because they could help with Emily.

10 July 07

I thought I was going to die of humidity today. We went to a checkpoint on Peggy and dismounted to some houses to the south of it. As we passed a cornfield, the humidity jumped 150%. I started to sweat and sweat, and it wouldn't stop. When we got to the house, I tried to find a breeze, but there was none. So I went into a room and took all my gear off, including my ACU [army combat uniform] top. I know we are not supposed to do that, but I started to get dizzy and it was hard to breathe, so I had to. I just laid on the floor the whole time the Lt. was talking to the people. Problem was, I kept sweating and it wouldn't stop. It looked like I jumped in a canal. I ran out of water, too, which sucked. Finally we headed back to the BP, and I was ahead of the pack because I didn't want to have to deal with the humidity again. When I got inside my truck, the A/C actually felt cool; now, there was no change to the warm air it blows out—it's just my body was warmer. The whole reason we had to go to the houses south of the BP was because the head of JAM (Jaish al-Mahdi) and the Islamic Army in that area came to the BP and said Al Qaeda was taking over their houses and they wanted our help because they heard about the Sunnis to the northwest and how they were cooperating with the U.S. It's funny how when they are getting their butts kicked, they come to us. One of the soldiers said, "The enemy of my enemy is my friend." To show that they were telling the truth, they brought their weapons to the BP and said more will come. If this is at all true, I wonder how long it will last. That's why the Lt. had to talk with the people to see what was going on. I wonder, will this unite the Iraqi people

18 July 07

Today I got extremely pissed off with some things that happened. We were clearing the reed line around what is going to be a new checkpoint. After we were done, we came back on the road, and I saw what looked to be an IED. (It was a half-buried MRE [meals ready to eat] box with a rock on top.) I yelled it out loud and started to move the truck that was closest to it away. After observing it, the decision was made to shoot at it. Nothing happened. Our trucks moved past it to secure more of the road ahead. I had a gut feeling things didn't feel right, so I got out of the truck and gathered the IA soldiers that were with us. We searched for a command wire but didn't find one. The IAs are more familiar with IEDs than we are, so I tried my best to ask if they could look at it closer. They didn't understand, so I called for the translator to speak to them. They told us it is better not to get too close, because they believed it was an IED. The lieutenant told me it wasn't an IED, and I asked him, "Are you 51% sure" He said yes, because nothing happened after we shot at it. He then told me, which got me pissed off, it doesn't matter, 'cause if something happens, oh well. I saw a guy die because of one of these things, and he says oh well. I wasn't allowed to try to uncover it myself. (I wonder why, if it wasn't an IED.) We had repositioned ourselves away from the box when I got the idea of taking a photo of it, but it was too late—we were too far and about to move again. I wish I'd been able to take a photo. So nothing happened. Later I was told by the platoon sergeant I needed to be more tactful when speaking with higher-ranking officers, and even after I explained myself, I was still told I was in the wrong. I have 4 months to survive this place, and I am going to approach the situations I find myself in as needed, with or without being tactful. I made a decision to talk to the 1st sergeant about what went on today. In the end I hope it isn't an IED, because I would rather be wrong than right…. A rocket just missed the FOB and landed to our south. Honestly, I didn't even hear it; I guess my headphones were too loud…. I spoke with the 1st sergeant about what happened, and he told me he understood my concern but that at the time the lieutenant was the commander on ground and he had the final decision. I didn't argue with him, because I knew he was right, but my gut feeling still didn't feel right about the box….

It's been a week or so since the incident, and we headed back to the same spot for the emplacement of a new battle position nearby. I had told one of the squad leaders, "If I see that damn box, I'm opening it up." He thought I was playing, but I was serious. Well, we walked by the spot, and there was no box with a rock on top, but in the same spot the ground had very loose dirt compared to the compacted dirt around it. Doesn't mean anything was buried, but it could be an indication. Anyways, it doesn't matter, because at least there wasn't anything there.

15 Nov 07 (back home)

Well, I got back in the States on Oct 30 (my wife's birthday). It took about seven days altogether to get back because of plane flight delays and travel. I left a week earlier than my platoon, which was cool because I was on the first main body flight home, but I left without my guys and in the care of a medic they didn't know. I knew the medic from AIT, and his NCOs said he was a great medic, so I wasn't too worried, but I felt sort of bad for not staying to the very end with my guys. When I found out the day I was actually leaving for FOB Striker, my wife told me she would be in New York to meet me at the welcome-home ceremony. I was excited to find that her and the kids would be there. She said she wanted to tell me because she knew I would just leave and go home if I thought she was still in Texas—she knows me too well. We got to stop in Shannon, Ireland, for our layover, but we weren't allowed to drink. Oh, well. I went to their duty-free store; it was pretty big. I got Emily (my daughter) an Irish doll and Jacob (our newborn) a little rugby football. For Carissa, I got a Christmas ornament (which is a tradition of ours). It is two doves facing each other with a Christmas tree in between them. When I got to the cashier, I had a bunch of the POG money they use on the FOBs for change, since coins are too heavy to send over. He thought it was money used in the Iraqi economy. I asked if he wanted them, because I wasn't going to use them; he said yeah. Man, the euro sucks, because it's more than the dollar. The stuff I bought was 18 euros; when the cashier switched it to the U.S. dollar, it turned to about $30 bucks. I was able to go on the Internet and check my email, which was pretty cool. I also bought my brother a plane ticket to Texas, because he is going to spend Christmas with us at the in-laws' house. I think it's cool, because we are all going to go hunting, and it should be a lot of fun. I'm happy the Lujans invited him. When we landed at Fort Drum, it was a sight for sore eyes. Everyone was happy/excited/relieved. When we were in formation at the welcome-home ceremony, I spotted Carissa and the kids right away. It took about 10 minutes for the ceremony to end, and I went straight to them. Emily didn't really recognize me, but she came up and gave me a hug. It was funny, because she was looking around to how other people were reacting to me, and she sort of came up and gave me a light hug. She grew so much. Carissa looked beautiful, of course. Jacob looks like a tan version of me when I was a baby. For Halloween, Emily was Dorothy from "The Wizard of Oz," and Jacob was the Lion. It has taken Emily a while to get used to me, but when her mommy is around, I become almost obsolete. It's OK, because they only had each other while I was gone for 15 months. It's great to be home, and I take each day one day at a time.

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