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I have been struggling reading other people's posts here. Maybe it's some of my own insecurities misdirected. I decided to D almost immediately. I worry when I see others on the fence, but unable to take a step back and look at their situation objectively. How does a BS evaluate the sitch when they are cozied up in bed being intimate with the perp? I feel like its similar to kids that have sex too soon into dating and those hormones make them feel like they are in love. I just want people to protect themself and be careful.

Me: BS
Married almost 20 years
2 year EA and 1 month PA
DD-16
D-Day: 01/14/14
Separated and divorcing

Posts: 92 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: TX

No12turn2♂ 40996Member # 40996

Posted: 10:30 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014

It was easy for me. Said perp didn't want anything to do with me. Sex was one of the first things to get canceled. Next came sleeping in the same bed, same room, etc. then she started taking away my ability to "review" her phone or internet history.

My opinion, if you have decided to D....stop having sex and/or any old intimate habits with the perp.

> I worry when I see others on the fence, but unable to take a step back and look at their situation objectively.

It can be hard to be objective sometimes, especially when the perp is talented at manipulation, and when you have kids to worry about as well. Sometimes it's hard to believe it's all really happening, and the gas lighting is no help.

Different strokes and all. I think people eventually arrive at the decision they feel is best for them.

DDays- too many

Status - In D.

Posts: 94 | Registered: Mar 2014

justinpaintoday♂ 42858Member # 42858

Posted: 11:30 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014

I think it is difficult to assignment balck and white decision making to a gray situation. If decisions were made only mentally most would cut bait once the logic of the healthy boundry was crossed. The truth is the decision involved memories, emotions, hopes, dreams and future expectations. These are all valid as well in the decision making process.

I personally new for a fact my healthy bounfry was crossed. My WW and I always agreed if the other stepped out then D was inevitable. When I found out it was real I changed course as the flood of everything came rushing in. I am in the D process as attempts to R failed and were dashed by another A however, had my WW been remorseful I would have R.

I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014

Gemini71♀ 40115Member # 40115

Posted: 12:54 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014

It's so easy to judge based on what is posted here which is mainly the bad stuff. But what isn't posted, are the good times when WS was loving and caring. No one is all good or all evil. So it makes the decision hard.

I have also noticed that dealing with Infidelity is definitely a process. A few weeks out of D-Day, my sisters told me to "move on", "he's not worth it", "we never liked him anyway." It made me so mad at them. I just wasn't ready to hear it. Now of course, I'm leading the chorus of FTG!!

I'm like you that I have to stay off of some threads and out of JFO. I'm hoping it's just another stage of healing, but right now I'd tell everyone to get a lawyer and kick the bum/bitch out!

And last but not least, I really missed the physical side of being married. Before the hard and fast decision to D, I contemplated visiting Dipshit STBXH for a "Booty Call." I desperately wanted to feel that closeness and affection again. Two things stopped me. One, I didn't want to have to do STD testing again. Two, what if he said no? I would have felt awful. Now I wouldn't touch him with a 39 1/2 foot pole.