"The Illinois maker of a cat and dog food product issued a voluntary recall over a potential contaminant that could cause symptoms of illness and possibly even death. Evanger's Dog & Cat Food issued the recall after pentobarbital was discovered in a sample of its Hunk of Beef Au Jus product. If you have recently purchased cans of this product, DO NOT EAT IT! Feed it to your dog instead."

This is bad? Let's face it: some species are disgusting! Like the Glyptapanteles wasp that lays its eggs on a living catepillar that its offspring eats, or the hagfish and its slime, or the sea cucumber turning itself inside out, or the horned lizard shooting blood from its eyes. And animals in general poop and pee all over the place, with no regard at all for decency and hygiene. In fact, whenever you walk around without your shoes on you're walking through CENTURIES of dried animal excretions! And you're also breathing them! No wonder people get sick!

Our purported new president's policy on species preservation is the same as on regulation in general. For each new regulation, he has promised to do away with two. For each new species placed on the Endangered Species List, he's promised to allow two to go extinct.

I see. You are using the same sort of techniques against these carpenter bees that were used to exterminate the dodo and nearly killed off the Galapagos Tortoise. You're the sort who probably approves of the slaughter of the American bison and the extinction of the variola vera. Well, we have a New President now!

For the uninitiated, carpenter bees bore into wood and lay their eggs. That's fine as long as the wood in question is a dead tree. Not so fine when it's your house. Even worse when pileated woodpeckers try to rip your house apart to get at the bee larvae, which they seem to be able to hear from miles away.

Carpenter bees will first try to expand an existing burrow before starting a new one from scratch. The holes drilled in the bee traps mimic the openings of burrows. The bees crawl into them to investigate and then can't get out. They can't crawl up the sides of a glass jar and their wings are too small for them to take off vertically.

That little box/drawer of screw eyes looks like the cup hook and screw eye drawer in the little cabinet in my laundry room cupboard up over the dryer. You know as well as we all do how to find the box - go buy a new one. Upon your return home the old one will greet you at the door with an innocent "were you looking for me?"

"A bill passed in the Arizona House of Representatives this week makes it legal for homeowners to use small-caliber firearms to kill snakes or rats that enter their property. House Bill 2022 makes it legal to shoot the vermin with a special type of bullet known as a bird- or rat-shot cartridge.

I'm not so sure I'd trust .22 rat-shot to kill a fix-foot rattler. It'd probably just piss him off. I'd shoot the fucker with a 12 gauge but make sure I had a .22 loaded with rat-shot on the premises in case the neighbors called the cops. "What's the problem? I shot him with this .22, just like the law allows. The neighbors say it sounded like a cannon going off? They probably had their hearing aids turned up too loud."

Hi, Mom. I'm missing a box of screw eyes. Have you seen them? Well, it's not really a box, but one of those little clear plastic drawers from a hardware storage cabinet like this. I said "box" because if I said "drawer" you'd probably go looking for a drawer like this in which case you'd maybe find socks, but no screw eyes. Anyway, if you see them, let me know. Or if you feel like coming over and pulling out all those little drawers from the four hardware storage cabinets in my shed-house (as if I haven't already done it twice) I'll pay your bus fare.

She coughs up or she gets sued to sign. There's a contract -- c-o-n-t-r-a-c-t, contract, that begins with "c" and ends with "t" and stands for much in court, which also begins with "c" and ends with "t".

Hell, if MacArthur Fdn could spot genius in the wild Mom would have gotten a grant by now. So would BWL, Rapp, and possibly Little Hawk for creative innovations beyond the call of dereliction.

Night before last the buyer of our California home, just one signature away from funding and closure, curled up into a ball and stopped all communication, dropping into a black hole of neurotic flibbertyjibbery known only to her sorry self. We have filed the demand to perform, but if she doesn't break radio silence we are back in the batter's cage hoping for a good pitch and a better price this time.I will shake her deposit out of her, if I can, but it is MOST irritating to have such tiddlywinks played with my serious life steps, ya know? Just teejus. Teejus as hayull.

Why worry about squandering helium? The universe is full of the stuff. Our own Sun is 23.8% helium by mass. That's a huge amount! Yes, it's pretty hot helium, but think about this for a minute: the main thing helium is used for on earth is arc welding, where it's used as a shield to protect the weld from atmospheric contamination. It's not incorporated into the weld in any fashion, so a lot of energy gets wasted by heating up helium instead of metal. If welders could use preheated helium from the Sun, all the energy could go into the actual weld! I see a Nobel Prize in my future for this glorious idea! Or at least a MacArthur Genius Grant.

Oh no! Now that Amos has packed up and moved to North Carolina, it has been revealed that the state's economy is on the verge of collapse! The National Bacon Reserve is at a fifty year low! And North Carolina's bacon-based economy is Ground Zero! If you're partial to vanilla milkshakes with bacon crumbles and maple syrup, you'd better get 'em in a hurry.

There's a simple way to deal with the placement of gee-gaws and such. If the item doesn't immediately speak to you when you unpack it, it's yard art. Hang it from a tree. Treat it as one component in a much larger sculptural statement. Like my step-son's neighbor's house.

What I love about Rapparee is his ineluctable vocabulary. It's a flood of precision associations which cannot be balked or thwarted by such flimsy efforts as reason or relevance; it floods on like the mighty Eno in the rainy season and knows no let or hindrance. That's true Library Power, the result of years of a strict diet on nothing but fricaseed thesaurus and slow-turned etymologies.

In other news, our simple small-town lives are forming up nicely. Tucker is meeting musicians, I am playing in bars for the sheer adulation of it, and we have our computers up and running. Our phones work, our furniture is in place and there are only a handful left of the dreaded cartones Bekinses around to threaten us with random content revelations and the roar of chaotic small-object relocation. We persevere and we conquer.

Just ahead the unfathomable mysteries of gew-gaws, picture hanging and the Mystery of fFurbelow placement and bauble deployment.. We are blessed.

I also left out ague, West Nile virus, dengue fever, shigellosis, tularemia, rabies, hepatitis, cholera, tuberculosis, botulism, whooping cough, tetanus, norovirus, typhoid, streptococcus, influenza, and post-diarrheal hemolytic uremic syndrome, all of which and more can be or have been found there. It's a positive bubbling stew of dangerous animals and deadly disease!

There probably are chupacabras in North Carolina. Naturalists are pretty much in agreement that most chupacabra sightings are nothing but coyotes which have been rendered hairless by Sarcoptic mange. Since there are coyotes in North Carolina, it follows that there must be chupacabras.

I have seen such a thing crossing the road right here in Floribama, only I didn't call it a chupacabra. I called it a "What in the hell is that?"

North Carolina is also a lot like New Mexico, only without the heat, and with a lot more rain, and more trees, and fewer cacti, and it's mostly green, not brown. Other than those inconsequential differences, they're pretty much identical. Except for the Gila Monsters.

I just read a novel by Sharyn McCrumb, set in the Carolinas; one character is a newcomer, previously in New England, who says that to her, North Carolina is like Vermont without the Vermont winters. It kind of gave me pause. But then North Carolina has winter as well. It's just not a Vermont winter. I dunno.

WHy not just put it all out in the back yard, Gnuzer? It'll stay fruzz 'til May!

God the details in getting a house from barebones to normal operation are uncountable! But sooner or later we will finish this all and get into the groove. When this point has been reached--pictures hung and gewgaws placed aesthetically and all the operational parts in known places and carpets down and wires connected--we shall have a fine home and throw a great house-warming party to which you are invited. Or will be, when we know when it is to be. Should be either this Spring or next, depending on myriad variables.

Yesterday, I had a shower, did a wash, and, while at the wash, I flicked open my upright freezer... it WASN'T freezing. Nay! It was thawing! On the top shelf, I figured the steak was okay to go in the fridge freezer as it was only half thawed but I had to cook the chops. The chicken and turkey broth and such were toast but still cold so I left them where they were, and I moved the rest to the next shelf down. I was distraught. At an early hour of today, I wakened and could not go oggies again as the thought of losing the contents of the freezer kept me wide awake. As the hour of appliance store(s) opening approached, I decided to take one last look so I would be armed with the info needed to make a quick decision. As I approached the freezer, I heard a sound so joyous, I began to tremble in nervous anticipation. I opened the freezer and read the thermo meter I had placed in the freezer last night. -21C!!!!!!!!!!!! The broth containers were frozen solid! All was and is safe for now.

I went to three appliance stores and priced freezers. I shall, at sundown, 17:21h to be more precise, transfer the freezer contents to coolers in the garage, defrost the freezer, and power it. Should it be functioning well when I arise on the morrow, I shall indeed be a happy camper.

From "The Great Ice Storm of '17", CW Gary J. Owens, Bullshit Press, all rights reserved.

On a sad note, them there poor buggers up north (30,000) are still in a hard way. Two dead from CO poisoning and others treated for same. 200 troops on the way to clean up trees and get people to safety and provide field ambulance services and such.

We ordered tripe and lard by the yard... I would suggest that the best version is on the album Hearty and Hellish by Clancy's & Makem... There was Johnny McEldoo and McGee and me And a couple of two or three went on the spree one day We had a bob or two, which we knew how to blew And the beer and whiskey flew and we all felt gay We visited McCann's, Maclaman's, Humpty Dan's We then went into Swan's, our stomachs for to pack We ordered out a feed, which indeed, we did need And we finished it with speed, but we still felt slack

Johnny McEldoo turned red white and blue As a plate of irish stew he soon put out of sight He shouted out "Encore!" with a roar for some more That he'd never felt before such a keen appetite We ordered eggs and ham, bread and jam, what a cram But him, we couldn't ram, though we tried our level best For everthing we brought, cold or hot, mattered not It went down him like a shot but he still stood the test

He swallowed tripe and lard by the yard, we got scared We thought it would go hard when the waiter brought the bill Told him to give o'er, but he swore he could lower Twice as much again and more before he had his fill He nearly supped a trough full of broth. Says McGrath, "He'll devour the tablecloth if you don't hold him in" When the waiter brought the charge, McEldoo felt so large He began to scout and barge and his blood went on fire

He began to curse and swear, tear his hair in despair And to finish the affair, called the shop man a liar The shop man, he threw out and no doubt, he did clout McEldoo he kicked about like an old football Tattered all his clothes, broke his nose, I suppose He would have killed him with a few blows in no time at all McEldoo began to howl and to growl, by my soul Threw an empty bowl at the shop keeper's head Struck poor Mickey Flynn, peeled the skin from his chin An a ruction did begin and we all fought and bled Peelers did arrive, man alive, four or five At us they made a drive for us all to march away We paid for all the meat that we ate, stood a trait And went home to ruminate on the spree that day.

These, of course, a regional recipes. You can't get them in Seattle or NYC or LA or Chicago or Meddybemps. Sometimes they are available in Sickkpoo, Paul, and Beer Bottle Crossing, Idaho. They are a standard part to the menu at the Idaho Legion Hovel and at the Restaurant In The Gas Station here.

Tripe and lard I want to smear myself with tripe and lard To think about it makes my nipples hard Tripe and lard I'm gonna to rub my nub While lying in a great big tub Of tripe and lard It's better than a goat, a sheep, or Saint Bernard You should get yourself some And rub it on your bum Then you will love some tripe and lard

Tripe and lard Oh how I wish I had some tripe and lard To get along without it is so hard Tripe and lard Mix it with stone ground millet Fry it in a cast iron skillet Tripe and lard I'm gonna by a hundred pounds with my charge card Hog chittlin's will not do I need some tripe lard stew Oh I love my tripe and lard

Rap... CFB Gagetown is in NB. One of the largest CFB bases, nay, military bases in the Commonwealth. The mind boggles at the stunnedasmearse politicians who grandstand in the Irving Family Newsletters (they own ALL the daily newspapers in NB save one) and the corporate controlled CBC that announce this tripe and lard. There are thousands of troops just down the road in Gagetown and in other nearby bases. Oh... forget it. I am just an old and cranky man.

You should have called on the Maine National Guard. The 133rd Engineer Battalion, headquartered in Brunswick and with companies in several other towns, would certainly have responded if asked. Four years from now they might even have gone home.

I did not weigh myself before the pizza party. I did this AM. Lost 6 pounds but one pond is obviously water weight due to the salty pizza. Eating pizza again today to build up my strength. That's the best excuse I have. Sunny and 3C and I have remedial work to do but my back is SORE so screw that for now. Slept like a baby last night.

150 CAF troops will arrive in NE NB shortly... there are still 40,000 customers without power. Why the hell they were not on the ground by Friday, at the latest, is beyond me. Fucking incompetence of our provincial government boggles the mind. Jesus H. Christ! Our military and our emergency response teams responded to Katrina faster than this and New Orleans is a wee tad further away.

Spent a fun evening at a neighbor's celebrating Chinese New Year with two veteran Time-Life photography experts and other world-traveled souls who had somehow floated down to Hillsborough. This is a surprising town, riich in insight and full of interesting souls.

Which is why we still have a landline. Power fails, phone still works. The power line and phone line are buried, but squirrels can fry a transformer at a substation (it's happened) or a car or truck take down a pole, or, well, anything. At least I know my power line and phone line can't go down any lower!

Latest word was tomorrow between 10 and 11PM. I started hauling can goods to the basement and finished the last load, knowing all would be safe from freezing. I sat in my office for a well deserved smoke and a beer and... yup, my office lights came on. NB Power left an hour ago. I gave the boys a BIG thumbs-up and they gave it back.

Now they can join their buddies in NE NB. The poor buggers up there will be weeks getting power back on. I saw a video yesterday taken in Lamèque by a guy driving the main road... pole after pole after pole smashed and downed. The whole road, for miles and miles and it's all over NE NB. NB Power has to, essentially, "reinstall" the works... drill new holes for poles and all. Crews from NS, PQ, and ME are on the ground too.

It was eventful. Learned a few things, like, having home phone with a cable company means you can lose your land line when the power goes out and also your cell phone. That distressed Mum a great deal. Anyway, it was fun. The generator deal at Mum's was a big payoff for a ten year old investment. Greco XXL (32 slice) Grecoworks pizza has been ordered for the celebration. The box takes up every inch of one shelf in my fridge. I should weigh myself BEFORE I get it because I know I dropped some pounds during this fun time. Didn't even eat for the first day and a half... 'cept fer a few ales. We men types throw food to the wind when there is "work" to be done.

I have led a good life, full of peace and quiet, I shall have an old age, full of rum and riot. I have been a good boy wedded to peace and study. I shall have an old age ribald, course and bloody, I have never cut throats even when I yearned to, Never sang a dirty song that my fancy turned to. I have been a good boy and done what was expected. I shall be an old'bum, loved but unrespected,

I've been in that situation, gnu. It ain't pretty...or warm. You have electric heat, I take it, and nothing else. After my experiences in Ohio when the power pooped out we've always had a place with some sort of woodburner. Here I have two of them.