Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Remember the very first Legend of Zelda game, on the 8-bit Nintendo Entertainment System? I probably played that game end to end about fifty times in my lifetime, as the gameplay was so enjoyable and the idea of a Dungeons and Dragons-like quest, without the tedium of turn-based battles (attack, attack, attack, attack, attack, yawn, attack), was a breakthrough videogame concept. Not that it was the first game to have real-time battles in a compelling quest, but there was something about The Legend of Zelda's storyline, epic adventure, and compelling gameplay which made the quests fun and exciting, with tons of replayability.

As one ran through The Legend of Zelda's quests, at multiple points one would inevitably come upon a rock wall that had a fairly evident crack in its edifice. A well-placed bomb would then blow open the wall and one could maneuver one's Link character to find a room often full of treasures, usually jewels in varying denominations of currency, ready for someone to plunder. It was if someone had built an entire room and stocked it with riches, then sealed the entrance behind him, just so a worthy warrior could uncover the bonus someday and achieve his just reward.

I couldn't help but think of The Legend of Zelda as I roamed the new wider field level concourses at Dodger Stadium on opening day. Part of the new stadium construction involved removing the old urinal troughs and replacing them with gleaming new rooms of urinals. These rooms are never straight back in the bathrooms or in obvious lines of sight upon entering; it's almost as if one has to walk into the bathroom, and then into another room, before locating a doorway that houses the urinal goldmine. It's a treacherous quest, to be sure, but one that yields riches, as there was nary a line to be seen (at least, not one hour before game time).

Gone are the old troughs which caused uncomfortable shoulder-to-shoulder stances among hordes of men. Now, each man is treated--no, rewarded--with his own private flush-free Falcon urinal (similar to what they have at Staples Center), allowing one to find relief without worrying about one's neighbor's stream.

A room full of riches indeed; and, one doesn't even have to bomb the doorway to access the room. One just has to hunt for an alabaster-white urinal room (and hold one's bladder until said room is found). It will be interesting to see if the unorthodox placement of the rooms allows for smooth traffic flow during peak times, but at least it's an effort in the right direction. I have no doubt that, like the removed stadium seats, Frank McCourt will put the old urinal troughs on sale to the public as well.

In anticipation of the Dodgers' next six-game homestand (starting Friday the 11th against San Diego), this intrepid Sons of Steve Garvey reporter brings you another SoSG exclusive: two glimpses of the rewards that await beer-laden men (there's even a convenient ledge for one to place one's beverage while urinating!).

Feast one's eyes on the new urinal rooms, Dodger fans! And drink with reckless abandon, for riches await!

Yeah, I felt bad in video #2 when I turned the corner and there were dudes there. My production assistant did a good job of clearing the room for video #1, but alas, he dropped the ball on video #2. Sorry to all those people in the video.