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First job out of college and I’m the only black person in the office. It’s been interesting, to say the least. Here are some of the funny and offensive moments I’m sure a lot of us solo black folks have experienced:

1. When you forget to code-switch your language at work.

2. When your hair becomes a frequent topic of discussion.

3. When you want to turn down your music in the office parking lot but this Kendrick song is EVERYTHING!

4. When you’re at a loss for words because your white boss rolled his neck and snapped his fingers in an attempt to act out an “angry black woman.”

5. When you don’t want to be a stereotype but you’re like “fuck it” and heat up your chicken in the office microwave anyways.

6. If your parents were a little creative with your name, people feel the need to ask and comment on it.

7. When you frequently encounter microagressions at work and don’t quite know how to word your response.

Hey Y’all. I really need your advice. At work, I’ve had to deal with some semi-racist (aka just plain racist) jokes that aren’t funny.

The thing is–there used to be one black woman in the office before I got there. Given the openly racist things that happen, I don’t think she said much about it. But I cannot be that person. I cannot let this go on while I’m at work and it certainly cannot continue after I’m gone. Then the next black person that comes along is going to have to deal with the same shit and will be stuck in this same awkwardness.

Some folks need to be told up front that what they’re doing is NOT okay. However, given the very casual, always-joking climate of the office, I’ve found it difficult to switch gears to a more serious tone and voice my opinion.

It’s easy to be outspoken with my keyboard, but in person I am sometimes more shy and reserved. I’m new to this office and don’t want to create any tension or drama, but I have to do something about it because it feels wrong not to. I can’t be that person who talks tough on the internet and becomes spineless in person.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be grown. I’ve recently graduated from college, picked out grad schools to apply for, and began seriously thinking about what I want to do with my life. Meanwhile, everyone on my Facebook newsfeed seems to be getting married, having children, or traveling the world. It’s kind of overwhelming. My best friend recently made a list of things she wanted to do now that she’s graduated from college. So now that I’ve supposedly entered “the real world” and am considered an ADULT (even though I don’t feel like one), I’ve wanted to create a checklist for Twenty-Somethings. So I asked many women (and a few men), ages 21-82, what they think women should do in their twenties.

I originally compiled this list for women; however, the majority of these things work for men too.

Introduce yourself to the HOTTEST guy at the bar, embarrass yourself and not care, do something unexpected. Nearly everyone I interviewed suggested that 20 Somethings should do bold things because people grow when they ditch their security blankets and take on daring adventures.

Learn to be assertive. This is a must. For those who have a hard time, when you find yourself in situation where you need to be assertive, think of someone assertive and ask yourself: what would so-and-so do/say?

Pay for someone else’ meal or coffee. Get in the habit of giving and committing random acts of kindness. Things like paying for someone really makes a person’s day.

Find a cause to support.

Focus on your strengths. I recently read a book called Strength Finder, which discussed how people become so obsessed with their weaknesses that they forget to focus on their strengths. However, learning to fully use your strengths can advance your career and help in your business and personal relationships.

Start a savings account that you don’t touch. Maybe in the future that account will help pay for your first house.

Take fashion risks. Wear blue lipstick, mixed prints, and bright colors. Here’s some ideas if you need a few.

Unlearn the idea they teach in sappy romantic comedies: that you need a man. It’s a lie—you don’t need a significant other to be complete.

Learn to cut people out of your life. Every freind is not a good friend. The one’s that aren’t happy about your success—gotta go!

Get to know your body so you stay healthy throughout your lifetime. Learn to do self breast-exams. Get your “Oops Oh My” on (Singer Tweet reference—look it up if you don’t know).

Find a mentor or several. They’ve been where you’ve are and can really help you out. My mentors have helped me get writing jobs, talked to me about grad school, and given me necessary spiritual guidance.

Live on your own. One of my mentors suggested this because she says some women go straight from their parent’s house to living with their spouse. Yet, if (God forbid) your spouse dies or if you get a divorce—you need to know how to live on your own.

Learn to embrace change.

Become a top chef. I’m not saying this to be sexist. A girl’s gotta eat! Everyone should learn to feed themselves. Dining in is much cheaper and often healthier than eating out.

Take a self-defense class.

Learn to negotiate your salary.

Take some time to yourself every now and then. Time for self-care and evaluation can be rejuvenating.

Ask someone out. Most people say that a man should always pursue and the women should wait until they are asked. However, that leaves us women somewhat powerless and always waiting. Yet, if you take matters into your own hands and go after what you want, you might just get the guy (or woman, whatever your preference). Be bold and assertive!

Travel Almost everyone I interviewed said traveling should be on the list because 20 Somethings aren’t as tied down to jobs, families, and kids as older adults.

Talk to people that have different values from your own on a regular basis. This will help you to understand others that come from different backgrounds and it will open your mind.

Okay, I lied…I couldn’t keep it down to 20, so here are a few others you might enjoy: