4.11. DNR...

Dear Grandpa 親愛的爺爺,

Our response to the no-doubt difficult DNR decision before you is nothing but love, and great respect. You have been a role model to all of us, stern yet loving, wise but playful. You and grandma gave us the best Chinese New Year memories year after year, even now, when we return to Pingtung with children in tow, and you continue to create for us happy memories to cherish for a lifetime. We will always have the pebble-stoned beaches, the aboriginal culture museum, grandma's rice balls and pigfeet soup, all the good times--that love is forever part of us.

One thing not many people in our family know: when my mother coded in the ICU and the doctor wanted us to sign the DNR papers, a "family friend" who was not family and we barely knew, who had become a recipient of confidential information after helping translate what doctors said for my father, violated HIPAA and told everybody in my mother's (southern Californian, Taiwanese) community about the DNR status being recommended.

My family and I then received call after call from complete strangers (to us) that were friends of our mother's. With no understanding of her wishes, her prognosis or the extreme measures already taken, these people pleaded with us to "give her another chance," to "please do not let her die," and so on. This made an already difficult decision and situation even harder, and certainly delayed the entire matter as well as transition to comfort care for days, during which my mother was kept at a level of sedation/anesthesia that would not have left her pain-free because she had to be checked for reflexes (which she was not displaying) and signs of improvement every few hours.

We want love, and respect, and all the best things possible for you, Grandpa. We miss you so much, all the way from California, US, to Pingtung, Taiwan. And we love you. Forever and ever.