Wednesday, April 9, 2014

The Dogers Has A Mascot Now?

There's lots of new things at Doger Stadium this season, but one of them just sort of randomly appeared during the recent series with the hated Giants. Apparently the Dogersmay or may not have a mascot. The team describes it as a "Unique Performance Character (UPC)." Okaaaay then.

The Uunique Performance Character apparently resembles a happy little fellow with a big smile, has a heart lodged in his mouth, and styles his hair with Viagra. But it most likely depicts one of those giant bobble heads outside of Reserve Level. Like The Militant, no one really knows its name, but at least The Militant can go under the nom de guerre, "The Militant Angeleno."

Since the Dogers have not named this Unique Performance Character, The Militant will call him, "Bob L. Hedd."

Speaking of mascots, y'allz remember this guy from the 2013 postseason (feels so long ago...) that the stadium security staff just couldn't, um, bear?

But who needs a UPC or a Bob L. Hedd when we have The Militant's unofficial official Doger mascot, Doger Doge?

Manifesto

A 100% Los Angeles native, the Militant Angeleno lives in a compound in an unspecified neighborhood of central Los Angeles. His life consists largely of his various adventures around the city, which are documented in this blog. The Militant is also multi-modal and is not dependent on any one mode of transportation, although he is most known for traversing the City's streets via bicycle. The Militant can be described as part-activist, part-superhero, giving the voice to the voiceless and silencing those who just plain whine too much. Partly because of his selfless motives, he prefers to refer to himself in the third person, as the first-person is too self-centered. The Militant is anonymous and goes to great lengths to protect his identity and is aided and protected by an unspecified number of operatives, who are sworn to secrecy as to his identity. Most important, the Militant's ultimate objective is not to be the Militant Angeleno, but to empower and enlighten other Angelenos, so that they may be militants in their own right. Oh yeah, Go Dodgers!

Contacting The Militant Angeleno

Do you have a question for the Militant Angeleno (sorry, all questions regarding his identity will be ignored)? Would you like to send hate mail (or love mail, even)? Do you want to know how you can join the Angeleno Militia? Here's how!