Sometimes, the path of least resistance is the best course. If you’re driving to see family for the holidays, it probably makes more sense to take the highways rather than the “off road” path. Often however, the difficult path is exactly the one we need to be on, particularly when we’re working toward a big goal. This is because resistance serves as a compass, pointing us straight towards our target. It makes intuitive sense; nobody expects to achieve anything great without encountering difficulty. So, if you’ve got a grand ambition that you’ve been putting off because you don’t know where to start, first identify where the greatest resistance is and then, move toward it.

Resistance prevents action. It doesn’t take place when we’re simply contemplating an idea. It’s the “doing” that is stifled. We come up with myriad excuses to justify not taking action. If your goal is to write a book, you’ll find that there’s a million excuses to put off writing. In other words, there is a force working to prevent you from writing. That force is resistance.

If you dream of starting your own business and have a vision, a plan and desire but you still haven’t taken action, you’ve encountered resistance. Sometimes it’s fear, sometimes it’s uncertainty but it always exists within the confines of our minds. Though it’s born and fed in our minds, its action that will ultimately defeat it. With that in mind, here are a few tips to help you overcome resistance and begin (or continue) your journey towards achieving your dreams.

Take small steps – Often, people fail to take action because the goal seems so big and insurmountable that any action we take won’t make a dent in it. They justify the lack of action by telling themselves that they’ll begin when they’re in a position to make a bigger impact. They say things like, “I’ll do it when________.” There’s always some future threshold that they say will trigger action toward the goal. The problem is, it always seems to be a moving target.

“I’ll do it when I’m done with school.” When school is done, other responsibilities take over and action gets punted further into the future.

The cure for this is to continually take small steps. Sure, writing 500 words today isn’t enough to publish a book. But repeat the process over and over and you’ll get there. Probably before you would have otherwise started.

Keep your vision in mind – When working toward a big goal where achievement is months or years into the future, it’s crucial to have some way of motivating yourself. When resistance is staring you in the face, what inspires you to press on? What does the finished product look like? What does completing it mean for you and your family?

Forget about what other people think – Fear plays such a big role in preventing people from taking action. We fear embarrassing ourselves. We fear the judgments of others. It’s always safer to keep your head low and not take any chances. Of course, playing it safe doesn’t usually result in anything significant. Removing the fear of judgment is liberating. It opens up possibilities that didn’t exist before and sets us up to learn from engaging in the process of creation. Remember the old adage, “It’s none of your business what other people think of you” and dive in. Accept that fact that you’ll make mistakes and resolve to learn from them. If you don’t take the step, you’ll never know what you can learn.

Resistance points the course. Determine what and where it is and move towards it. Take small steps, always keep your vision in mind and forget about what other people think. The naysayers have never achieved what you will achieve. You got this.

For more on the topic of Resistance, check out Steven Pressfield's book "Do the Work".

One of the principal influencers in my journey of personal growth and learning has been books. A variety of books from a variety of authors. Books expose us to new ideas and different styles and methods of going through the process of becoming all we can be. They can be empowering and they can help us overcome sticking points in our own philosophies.

I first realized that I did have the ability to speak confidently with people when I read How to Win Friends and Influence People for the first time as a teenager. Before that, I was so debilitatingly shy that my lip quivered when a girl tried to talk to me! Read voraciously and indiscriminately. If there are nuggets of wisdom that you can use, take them and make them your own. Below is a list of books (In no particular order) that have had a significant impact on my life. I’m eager to hear your thoughts too! What books have most impacted you? List them in the comments below!

21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership – John C. Maxwell

Written in John Maxwell’s personal and affable style, I consider this a must read for leaders and aspiring leaders. After each law is described, you’ll find yourself agreeing with Maxwell and mentally incorporating it into your interpersonal relationships.

Man’s Search for Meaning – Viktor E. Frankl

Sometimes shocking, sometimes profound and always impactful. Every time I read it I feel a deeper understanding for what makes us human and a desire to be a little better myself.

The Motivation Manifesto – Brendon Burchard

Written in prose sounding like the Declaration of Independence this is one of the most empowering books I’ve read. It will make you believe in yourself a bit more. After sitting down with this book for a while, you’ll want to go out and tackle all of the challenges life brings; and come out on top.

How to Win Friends and Influence People – Dale Carnegie

This is an oldie but still a best seller for a very good reason: it’s timelessly relevant. This book taught me, a boy too scared and shy to ever engage someone else in conversation, how to confidently speak to people. Once I learned the techniques described by Carnegie, I was able to build on it and add my own personality. I wouldn’t be where I am without this book.

Education of a Wandering Man – Louis L’Amour

L’Amour’s autobiography may seem out of place to some, but I simply couldn’t put this book down the first time I read it. It taught me that all of life is an education; that learning doesn’t only take place in schools. L’Amour was a fascinating and inspiring man with an equally fascinating life.

Do the Work – Steven Pressfield

This book is so short, you can probably finish it in a single one hour sitting. But don’t let the length fool you. I’ve read this one at least 20 times because it motivates me like nothing else. Pressfield teaches how to cut through all of the resistance that prevents us from achieving our dreams.

Start With Why – Simon Sinek

There’s a reason that Simon Sinek is regarded as one of the great contemporary thought leaders. If you want to galvanize what you need to do to tackle any big endeavor, you must start with why! Sinek describes the philosophy in detail and shows readers how to establish a “why” that facilitates motivation and action.

Everyone Communicates, Few Connect – John C. Maxwell

If Dale Carnegie got me started as a communicator, John Maxwell helped me understand how to incorporate my own personality into the process. He teaches how to find common ground and truly connect with people. If you aspire to become a great leader, this is another must read as it will not only help you rally people to your cause, it will help you build them up to be all they can be.

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion – Robert Cialdini

Warning: while you read this book you’ll be awakened to all the times people attempted to persuade you towards an idea or product and you weren’t even aware it was happening. Fascinating, scientific and incredibly revealing, this book teaches how to understand why people agree to certain things and how to incorporate it into your life or business.

We’ve all had them. Bosses that not only fail to empower or inspire us, but actually make us dread going to work each day. Their positional authority has inspired volumes of writing on what it means to be a leader. After all, a person doesn’t need to be a great leader to receive a promotion; usually they performed very well in their subordinate positions and were rewarded with a higher position. However, just being great in one position doesn’t mean they’ll be great leaders.

I’ve had mostly good experiences with my superiors throughout my career and those people taught me a great deal about leadership. But, the few bad experiences helped reinforce those ideas. They taught me that there are bad ways of leading; that despite that fact that I’ve always had an interest in my positions, I could still feel completely passionless about them. I’m certain that this discouraging mindset resulted in not just decreased productivity for the companies, but higher stress levels and less happiness for my colleagues and me. With that in mind, here’s a few things that I’ve learned; things that I will avoid as I lead others.

A little appreciation goes a long way. This is perhaps one of the smallest things a leader can do, yet it persists as one of the most meaningful. Study after study indicate that more people leave jobs because they feel unappreciated than they do for any other reason, including money. Sincere appreciation validates all the effort and hard work a person has put in. Saying “thank you for…” is such a simple thing.

Focusing on tasks and tasks alone is uninspiring – give me a “why.” In order to cultivate a spirit of shared purpose, people need to know what that purpose is. Bosses who focus people’s attention on the small picture create a culture of dis-empowerment. It conveys to people that they aren’t important enough to know bigger organizational goals. The problem is, without that big picture perspective, the small tasks seem meaningless.

Actions speak louder than words. John C. Maxwell calls this the “Law of the Picture.” People do what people see. Bad bosses tell their people to perform one way, while giving themselves leeway to do the opposite. For example, they’ll demand cost cuts from subordinates while remodeling their office. The double standard creates distance between the boss and the employee and subsequently destroys any connection and undermines the boss’s credibility.

Bad bosses take more credit than they deserve and give less credit than is due. Therefore, they don’t get the most out of employees. Who wants to bring good ideas when the boss is going to take credit? Conversely, a boss who shifts attention from herself to her staff, empowers people and encourages dialogue. In turn, a culture of innovation is cultivated.

Micromanaging encourages turnover. Nobody wants to work for somebody who doesn’t trust them to do the smallest tasks. It’s discouraging for people. Bad bosses sometimes insert themselves into tasks that are better left to the individual members of their teams. Good bosses hire good people and empower them to do great work, to develop themselves and to be creative in their positions.

For leaders and aspiring leaders, it’s important to take note of what works as well as what doesn’t. If you want to motivate, inspire and encourage people to do more you must defiantly avoid the types of actions that bring the opposite result. Give appreciation to people. Give them a purpose, lead them by example, give them credit and empower them to do more.

A number of years ago my family and I agonized over a decision that seemed so daunting and life altering, that no right answer seemed obvious. We had several job offers that could take us to Kansas City, Missouri or back home to Southwest Washington State. As my wife and I went back and forth, a kind friend offered this piece of advice: “Often, there is no wrong decision. You could go any direction and they’ll all take you down different paths and each of them could be right.” Basically, what he was trying to tell us was that once we’d made a decision, not to second guess it. A decision made consciously and deliberately yesterday, is very likely still the correct decision today. Beating ourselves up over what didn’t happen is counterproductive at best. That line of thinking holds us back because it dwells in the past. Unless circumstances have changed dramatically, what was right yesterday is still right today. Still, people tend to second guess themselves, often regretting a choice that felt right only moments ago.

Now, I’m not suggesting that there aren’t legitimate bad decisions that sometimes need corrected. Typically, when one alternative is bad, we know it before the choice is even made. I’m talking about competing “good” decisions. What is it that so often causes us so much uncertainty in those areas? Its human nature I suppose; we want it all. To combat the sometimes hopeless and almost always negative feeling of second guessing a decision, I’ve found the following practices to be helpful:

You’re the leader of your life. Resolve to make the choice, whatever it is (or was) and move on. By picturing yourself as the decisive CEO and authority of your life, you can effectively alter your thought pattern from uncertainty to confidence. Since second guessing is largely an emotional manifestation of a lack of confidence in our choice, this strategy can be especially effective. When I start second guessing a decision, I actually mentally picture myself standing up straight, eyes locked forward with resolve and confidence, pressing forward in the face of adversity. Like a General shirking off the stress of a battle and making quick, tough decisions. It sounds silly, but the practice actually cultivates a self-image of decisiveness and action in me. I quickly remind myself that whatever decision that I’m starting to second guess is old news. What matters now is what’s in front; the decisions to be made today. Choices need to be put in their proper perspective. In reality, you likely won’t be thinking about this choice next year, next month or even next week. And, if it’s a big decision (like moving across the country), cultivate a forward thinking state of mind and forget about the “what ifs” had you made a different choice.

Write things down. My daughter once jokingly remarked “when in doubt, list it out!” When her mind is cluttered with multiple competing interests, she organizes her thoughts into a list. There is something that happens when pen is put to paper that helps quiet a noisy mind. The reality is that this is very often the best way to think ourselves through a tough decision. For me, as I write I find that a more clarified sense of my decision emerges. As a result, I gain confidence in choosing one option over another and am less prone to regret my final choice. The process of writing allows my mind to get out of the “loop” that occurs when a number of thoughts compete for the same thought space. That loop happens when our “train of thought” has become a roller-coaster, going nowhere but taking us on an unsettling ride in the process. Ultimately what happens is we think only superficially about the various options rather than considering anything deeply. Our emotional brain gives only cursory time to focus on any one thing. By writing, we force our mind to critically think through our options in order to find the proper words. The entire process is empowering and confidence boosting.

Think about something else. When all else fails, it’s time to alter your train of thought. If the weight of a regrettable choice is pushing you down to a point where you experience anxiety or depression you need to snap yourself out of it. Trust me, this is a big struggle for me too. Just saying, “think about something else” is easier said than done. It really takes physical action first; our emotions will follow. In that way, I’ve found that the best way of altering my thought and emotional pattern is to change my environment. If I’m inside, going outside or going for a drive both tend to help. Sometimes I’ll read a book. I’ll go in another room and watch television to break my thought pattern. What you do doesn’t matter; rather, the act of changing what you’re doing does. The key is to physically do something different.

These simple strategies can help you develop a more confident mindset which in turn will help you become more confident in your decisions. As you learn not to dwell in yesterday’s choices, you’ll find yourself developing a more positive and hopeful attitude. Subsequently, you’ll find a greater measure of productivity and success in life.

We all know that failure is part of the process of growth, but somehow knowing that doesn't seem to ease the pain it brings about. As I've gone through failures, I try and focus on what they teach rather than what they cost. In that way, I can give meaning to the pain and motivate myself to press on with greater experience.Over the course of my entrepreneurial career, I’ve experienced a few epic failures in addition to a number of smaller ones. Though they were never easy, in hindsight I can see how each one taught me valuable lessons. Failure is tuition for advanced degrees in life. Through it, we can both collapse and give up, resolving to be less bold, or we can learn, grow and be emboldened in knowing that the same mistakes can be avoided next time. To me, it seems that if we’ve already paid the tuition, it’s silly not to use the degree.If we choose to learn the lessons and press forward, it’s critical that we think through the failures carefully in order to understand where we went wrong. As I’ve considered some of my blunders, I’ve fleshed out many lessons. Here are 5 of the most important things I’ve learned. By reading this it’s my hope that you can avoid the same mistakes.

1. Choose Your Partners CarefullyI remember only one thing that my professor said in my first accounting class in college: “Choose your business partners more carefully than you choose your spouse.” I’ve heard the same thing stated in different ways dozens of times since, but until I experienced the fallout from a poor partnership decision I really didn’t appreciate the implications. In the aftermath of a company collapse, one of my partners not only sued a third partner, but made off with tens of thousands of dollars as well. It was a sickening and heart wrenching conclusion to a once promising enterprise. One that left me teetering on the verge of bankruptcy. It’s only in hindsight that I can see the impetuousness in my decision to partner with one of those people.

The error was made, largely because I was blinded by the significance of the opportunity before me. There was a great deal of money to be made so I allowed myself to overlook faults that I won’t overlook in the future. I didn’t know this particular partner well; I had only done small amounts of business with him in the past. I didn’t know his strengths and weaknesses. I wasn’t personally aware of his integrity. But, he brought a major supplier to the table that allowed the business to commence operating in very short order. So, the worst case scenario of not partnering with him would be that I may not have started the company. Even if I had started it without him, it’s likely that I wouldn’t have been brought to financial collapse. Had my professor seen what happened and been given the opportunity to critique my actions he probably would have noted that I neglected to apply the level of scrutiny that one would apply when choosing a spouse. And that was my failure.

In the future, I will know my partners much better before doing business with them.

2. Choose your clients and suppliers carefully. This is particularly important if your business hinges on just a few suppliers or buyers. When the loss of one of them could cripple your business, you’d better know they can be trusted. I experienced this by having virtually all of my inputs in one of my businesses supplied by a single producer. When their unscrupulous behavior was revealed, not only did it cripple my business, it caused massive damage to my reputation as well. After all, my supplier’s products were my products; I couldn’t run away from that fact. When the product was revealed to have problems I couldn’t fix, my clients came to me looking to be made whole. I in turn went to my supplier who quickly shirked any responsibility. My clients felt the pain and rightly looked to me for help. Yet, I could do nothing. Had I selected a main supplier with a higher level of integrity I could’ve avoided the situation altogether. But I didn’t. I wanted to move and move fast; I wanted to take the market by storm and couldn’t wait for the vetting of more suppliers. That was a mistake.

In the future, I will truly know who I’m doing business with.

3. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.The problem in the second lesson could have been alleviated if I had sufficiently diversified my supplier base. Sure, pain would have been felt but the damage to the company could have been mitigated by covering the faulty product from other sources. Virtually all of my products came from a single seller. I had no other baskets.

I’ve also felt the pain of this lesson in a product marketing environment. When a software company I owned failed to get a foothold in the industry the product had been designed for, I should have been more flexible in pivoting towards other opportunities. The software was great and, had I been more creative I would have identified other markets for it. But I was completely emotionally invested in one small niche; all my eggs were in the same basket. The problem in both of these situations was a lack of flexibility; I wanted to hit a home run when I should have been going for base hits and intentional, steady growth. Again I was blinded by dollar signs and couldn’t (or wouldn’t) step back and look at the big picture.

In the future, I’ll be more aware of the risks of dealing with very small numbers and be more willing to mitigate that risk.

4. Do the right thing, even when it’s hard.I’m pleased to say that I do believe I’ve always done the right thing. I’ve never lied to or cheated someone in order to make money. If I had been willing to be deceitful perhaps some of those businesses wouldn’t have failed and perhaps it would have made no difference in their demise. But I do know, I would have lost more sleep than I did. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself. I struggled so much just appearing like I was acting unethically, had I actually engaged in underhanded dealings, I believe the additional turmoil would have been more than I could bear. Going through a business failure is difficult enough without adding the additional strain of corruption of your personal moral code. So, when it became clear that my supplier was in fact defrauding the industry there was no choice but to inform my clients and cease all contracted shipments. It was hard and costly. But it was the right thing to do.

In the future, I will always make choices that are consistent with my moral code, even when they cast me in a bad light.

5. Don’t avoid problems and be frank with clients.When things began falling apart for me, my own shame and embarrassment instilled in me a deep desire to avoid clients because I simply felt that I couldn’t emotionally handle their dissatisfaction. They were rightfully angry at what had happened and needed me then more than ever. But, I lacked the courage to face them the way I should have. One of my business partners on the other hand, not only spoke with clients over the phone, he flew across the country to visit with many of them in person. His diplomacy went a long way and was critical in keeping us going as long as we did. Keeping clients abreast of major events and company decisions is playing the long game. It demonstrates that you value honesty and have their interests in mind. Delivering bad news may hurt in the short term, but over the course of a career, it’s the only policy worth having for a person of integrity.

In the future, I won’t avoid problems and I will be upfront with my clients.

These are just a few lessons, but I’m interested in what you’ve learned as well. If you have a great lesson or two of your own, please share it in the comments!

Picture Credit:<a href="https://www.freestock.com/free-photos/3d-business-man-giving-conference-growth-72379123">Image used under license from Freestock.com</a>