How to increase self-esteem

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Self-esteem is an opportunity to look at yourself from the outside. That is what distinguishes us, people, from other living beings. It is the ability to observe and be aware of one’s own behavior, one’s own life. So, as a result, it is a tool to change it.

One of the champion questions that I, as a psychologist, get is:how to improve self-esteem?

All my problems are due to low self-esteem. I do not have a loved one, good work, etc. because I have low self-esteem, you write.

Let's figure it out.

Some psychologists say that this is a harmful concept. Since it contains an estimate that is bad in itself. I do not think so.Self-esteem is an opportunity to look at yourself from the outside.That is what distinguishes us, people, from other living beings.It is the ability to observe and be aware of one’s own behavior, one’s own life.So, as a result, it is a tool to change it.

Another question is that we often look at ourselves through a distorting lens.And then this, however, strongly interferes with living the way we want.

The first moment.

There is an expectation that if I somehow show myself - in response there will be ridicule, attacks, disregard. In general, any form of aggression. And it is necessary to work with this fear and with expectations.

Second moment.

This is an indicator that changes depending on your external and internal circumstances.At the beginning of the day, you can evaluate yourself in one way, at the end of the day you are completely different. Depending on what happened to you on this day. This is one of the key points in working with “low self-esteem”.

YouIt is necessary to understand the factors that lead to fluctuations in this indicator.

For example: whenever you meet your beautiful, with a stunning figure, mega smart, with a successful husband-oligarch and a villa in Miami, her friend Masha, for some reason, your self-esteem fell.

And then another girl is calling you, a lonely gray mouse with three children and without a husband, who huddles in a removable odnushku and lives on $ 100. per month. And what about your self-esteem? It is possible that she crawled or even ran sharply upwards.

Everyone will have their own factors.. For example, someone's self-esteem will “kill” someone's new car, to whom the birth of children from a friend, etc.

And it is important for you to know your “weak points”.Because it is both your growth zone.So your unconscious shows you your potential, where you need to grow. And, undoubtedly, you have the potential to grow there.

More on this later.

Next moment.

Internal factors affecting self-esteem.This is what happens in your unconscious. Those events that occur there. We naturally know nothing about them.

This is from the series: here was a good mood, I felt / felt great, and suddenly, for no reason at all, anxiety, bad, low mood and self-esteem.

What happened?

Externally - nothing. Inside - yes, it happened.

We do not know what.We feel only the consequences: in the form of depressive thoughts, an altered self-image (that is, self-esteem), lead gravity in the body, and other unpleasant symptoms.

I believea very important skill for any person to be able to cope with these conditionsto switch. This is without exaggeration one of the keys to a successful and happy life.

And it is important to know that this is a skill that can and, I repeat, need to be developed.

Third moment

There is such a joke

So, this is not a joke. It's true. It always happens.A very low self-esteem in some situations suggests that it is greatly overestimated in others.

One without the other does not exist.

Therefore, it is so difficult to work with self-esteem when we see only one pole - its lower side.In order to increase your self-esteem, think about those areas of life where you have it very high, maybe even slightly bloated.When you see and acknowledge these sides, you will begin the work of regaining your strength.

The very phrase “low self-esteem” contains a hint at the other pole: if I say that my self-esteem is low, then in fact I think that I am objectively better, but I rate myself less than I really am.

Here is such an interesting moment.

In fact, a person with a “low self-esteem” has an attitude that others will accept him better if he crouches a little, diminishes. Then they will not attack him. After all, "do not beat the bed".Such a person hides his strength.

But at the same time, he inside knows that he is strong, capable, etc.

How can I let the world show my strength, talents, beauty, power?

Ask yourself a question:

“Who am I trying to Protect, Punish, or Delight in diminishing myself by enclosing myself in a tight box of low self-esteem?”

Listen or write down the answers that will come.If there are no answers, this is normal. The question asked still works at an unconscious level.

This is generally a magical question. You can use it as a tool for moving from a dead center in any problem situations.

Self-esteem is always about our relationship with our parents.Our self-esteem is the reflection that we saw in their eyes. The child feels very subtle reaction to any of its manifestation - and if I am a strong or self-independent mother upset, I decide not to be strong. I decide to be weak.

What to do?

Our whole psyche is essentially a set of images. You have images (mental representations) about yourself, others, the world around you, God, the universe, etc.

Self-esteem is an assessment of the image of yourself that you put on yourself at a particular point in time and in a particular situation.And then you think, feel and act on the basis of this image. And ultimately, your life develops according to this image.

If I wear the image of a “gray mouse,” I’m unlikely to be surrounded by a crowd of fans. If my image is a modest bureaucratic, big money does not shine for me. Etc.

If you think about your low self-esteem - congratulations! Your unconscious gives you a signal that you are wearing a little one, a pretty shabby suit.And it's time to change it to something more decent.