First you need to get your house in order.

The always excellent Rollo Tomassi writes a post with the title, Blue Pill Alphas. There are several themes to the article but the one that I want to touch on is that of men who are seemingly alpha in every aspect of their lives except for one area.

Women.

In my own life I’ve known several men who anyone in the ‘sphere would objectively call Alpha. Their default is to action, dominance, authority and control of whatever life puts in front of them. They handle their shit, they own their business ventures, they have all the Dark Triad traits you might expect from a guy like this – but put them in a social setting with a girl and they go as Beta as any Blue Pill guy you’ll ever know.

We all know men like this. They can be actual captains of industry and yet with regards to women they are completely blue pill. As Rollo outlines, their blue pill conditioning essentially takes two forms.

They act as provisioner for their wife and family but from a position of power imbalance. Rollo’s golden rule for relationships is that the person with the most power is the one that needs the other the least. The blue pill alpha brings in the goodies under pain of his wife’s authority.

They can also behave as a white knight towards women and in a very exaggerated manner. They not only leap to a woman’s defense when they believe that her honor has been impugned by a red pill aware man, but they will often seek to destroy such a man who has dared to “disrespect” a woman. This behavior not only stems from a need to be seen as being a “strong man” in defense of women, but also to resist any unwanted doubts that may intrude on his entire blue pill philosophy. When you have built your world around an enormous misconception, woe betide the man that shatters the lie.

I recently was privy to just such a public event when I cast doubt on the feminist nonsense being parroted by an upper tier wife in her early fifties. Her blue pill alpha husband was literally reduced to an incoherent slavering imbecile as he attempted to white knight me out of existence. The man suffered a literal temper tantrum in public and had to be escorted away as it was not far from becoming physical.

In every other aspect of his life this man is an alpha. But in one crucial area he hasn’t done the hard work that is required to wake himself up. The consequences of this can be devastating. A man risks not only everything he has worked for, he can also risk his life. Soldiers who have commanded men on the battlefield are completely ill equipped to deal with a domestic situation if they are firmly rooted in the blue pill.

When their wives up and leave them, these are some of the first men to swallow a bullet by their own hand.

Again, this is an Alpha who’s never been awakened to his Blue Pill conditioning. Say even one marginally critical word about women in general and they’re the first in line to kick your ass. But they’re also the most likely to self destruct when their Blue Pill idealism is challenged or crushed.

This is why it is crucial for men to get their house in order as their first priority in life. By their house in order I mean how successful they are in regards to their personal relationships with women. There is only one way to have guaranteed success – you need to swallow the red pill. These days that can be done with a combination of book and online study as well as practical real world experience. You cannot be a theoretical red pill disciple. You must get out there and put these ideas into practice so you begin to understand what works and what doesn’t.

If I could give one piece of advice to men who are starting out on this path it would be this:

Don’t worry about hurting a woman’s feelings or not getting laid.

The aim of the game is not to get laid. That is a nice by-product. Nor is it to be liked. The aim of the game is to come to an understanding of what makes women tick. The crucial point to this is that the manner in which you begin a relationship will dictate how smoothly it will proceed. Do not be disillusioned – it is extremely common for men to delude themselves into thinking that they have things under control when in fact the opposite is very much the case. From a comment on Rollo’s post:

At piano lesson waiting for kids. Wife tells me to move the car ‘cuz it should be elsewhere.

Nope, I’m staying put for a few more minutes.

She explains why I need to move, on and on.

I lean over, start kissing her cheek, she says, “No kisses until you move the car.”

Drop her off, take another to jiu-jitsu, then off to another bar for 30″. She texts me twice, calls once. It kicks to message.

Get home, she sulky, wants to talk, calls me rude, and mean. I grab her hand, bring downstairs, crack two beer, she smiles, attempts to continue with her whining, I take her to the dance floor and put in Just Dance 2014 and we get down for an hour. She’s completely wet sweaty by the time we’re done.

This man is boasting of how well he is able to handle his woman. But what he doesn’t understand is that the mere fact that she sought to command him, (in this case to move his car for no reason), and then sulked like a child when she didn’t get her own way is clear evidence that he entered this relationship on the wrong footing. In other words, if it even reaches the point that he has described in his example then you have seriously fucked up getting your house in order.

You can fuck this up one of two ways – by selecting an incompatible woman, (in other words a woman who is a child in an adult’s body), or by not managing the relationship from within your own frame from the beginning. Usually it’s both of these mistakes.

For the vast majority of men all of this is too hard. They really just want to find a girl and settle down and not have to worry about this aspect of their lives. Typically they’ll stick a ring on the finger of the first girl who goes down on them. They then dedicate their time to conquering the world while their home life slowly but surely becomes a living nightmare. In the dark recesses of their minds they know that they have made a serious misjudgement but dealing with it is simply beyond their abilities.

It’s common to hear sayings such as ‘women are the rake’ and ‘women are the ruination of men’, but the truth is that these men ruin themselves. The fact that they were either too lazy, too intimidated, or simply too disinterested to properly go about seeking a proper understanding of the male/female dynamic means that they are entirely at fault when the awful consequences of their actions inevitably break upon them.

Unless you intend to live your life as a monk, as a man it is your responsibility to get out there and get your house in order. There is no greater decision in your life that will cause you more success if you get it right and more misery if you get it wrong.

Good on you for taking my criticism of your comment in the spirit in which it was intended. And you are entirely correct – baby steps are exactly what is required if you attempt to retroactively fix this problem.

Spent 22 years in the Army and without a doubt this is true of most of my comrades. Multiple combat tours to Iraq as well as many training events away from home puts the wife in charge of the house and they seek to maintain even after you come home. I discussed this with Athol Kay at MMSL before the feminization of his site and we came to call it “Situational Alpha”. Principle is still the same. It’s partly because of this that I’m divorced and living the “draped” life. Freedom is never free.

Some of the blogs dealing with this red pill/blue pill stuff are pretty good and I’ve gotten some extremely useful information out of them. Even as a study in psychology, it’s very interesting stuff to read. But boy, are some of the anecdotes in the comments from supposedly alpha males cringe-inducing. The one you cited is actually one of the better ones.

Credit to the blogs’ authors, I don’t think they’re trying to create alpha male womanizers, they’re just trying to give beta males a bit of a leg-up and I think they do a good job of that. But the commenters? Jeez. I remember one thread where a bunch of supposed letharios were lecturing others that going down on a woman is “beta” and alphas would never do it.

Yes. There is an overwhelming lack of self awareness in many of them. One aspect that drives their ruthless classification of Beta/Alpha behaviors I think is that it is an attempt at self-validation of their own status within the two streams. In other words, the better they are supposedly able to identify alpha or beta behaviors then logic follows that they must then be alpha themselves simply by this association. Which then morphs into an insane competition as to who can better rigidly identify which behavior is which.

I chose the comment that I included precisely because it was one of the more rational ones. There at least was some meat on the bone there.

I had the exact opposite reaction to the guy talking about his wife and moving the car. He came across as a serious drama queen to me. For pity sake, she makes an unreasonable request, BFD, unless it’s a pattern. It should be handled quickly, and straight up. Simple declarative sentences work. “I’m not going to jump through a hoop just because you wish me to.” Or, “I do not appreciate it when you do that.” Then drop it.

If she made a reasonable request then he’s going to buy that ticket on the divorce express. Once a woman decides “I married a boy, not a man” sayanora. He sounded like a kid throwing a tantrum to me, “I’m going to run away from home and I’m not going to answer my phone. So there.”

It’s often a pain in the ass to go to war when you get home from work – which most men don’t want to do. My wife is pregnant, so it’s a “war” of its own.

I’ve noticed this with “alpha” types in the workplace. They can handle men, but not women. It’ as if they don’t know how, so they apply their workforce strategy to trying to either appease their girl or get one.

Each man has his own battle, so to speak.

Often, I’m able to shut my wife up by initiating sex when she enters ultra bitch mode. That said, I get tired of shit tests. It’s like a mental drain on you after a while. I find myself reverting to my beta way, which aren’t far behind. I really hate using the terms alpha and beta because of their overuse these days, but I think it does sum it up.