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This blog is about a family formed through foster care adoption as we navigate parenting children with early childhood trauma, open adoption, and the child welfare system.

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Cancelled Visit

So the drama that is foster care visits continued. 15 minutes after the visit was supposed to start I got a call from the driver. Mom hadn't shown up. They have a 15 minute rule. If she didn't show up in the next few minutes she was bringing the kids back.

15 minute rule? This was new. She's been late before. In fact just a few weeks ago that was the explanation I was given as to why they came home so late. I had never been told that a visit could be cancelled for punctuality.

So the kids were brought home very upset and sad. Then I got a call and a text from Mom. Did I know what happened to the visit? I told her what I knew then she said she was going to call the case worker. Great idea. I texted the case worker. Who then texted back that she just found out visits were going to start at 10. Umm no. In fact, the visit provider confirmed 9 little more than 16 hours before.

Then the texts and messages began. Every. Two. Minutes. How are the babies. I need to speak to the babies.

Well I was not with "the babies". I was out running my errands. They were home with Hubby. Who talked with them about their feelings which consisted of fear that Mom forgot about them, then anger at the driver because as they were driving away they saw her car pulling in and the driver refused to turn around.

I didn't answer the messages for an hour. Then she texted could she talk to them to explain. They were calm and had moved on to the things we needed to accomplish in the day so Hubby and I decided not until tomorrow. Which I texted back. And then I got a text from case worker asking the same question.

If the kids had asked I would have let them talk to her but simply so she could relieve her own guilt- um nope. You should feel bad. Your kids need to depend on you. You keep making these mistakes and all these people have given you pass after pass. I was glad that someone finally held her to the rules.

Most interesting was while the kids were sad for like an hour after that- they were fine. Well behaved. No squabbling. No issues.

They talked to Mom the next day when she called. She explained she had to work late but I don't remember her actually apologizing. She asked Gabby what she wanted to do at her visit Monday and told them shed see them Wednesday. Jelly Bean made mention at that time that she was sad about not seeing her Mom and then again after dinner when she was trying to get out of reading. (classic manipulation of the situation).

We shall see what happens today... Any bets that visits get moves back because she has now proved she can't make 9?

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Unbelievable to me! These kids have been with you for a year - right?! By now Mom should be expected to follow the rules and if she can't, they need to be exploring options other than reunification. I'm so sorry you and those children have to go through this. And I certainly hope they don't move the visits up just because she keeps tanking the 9AM time frame.

Jelly Bean and Mr. Mohawk have been with me 18 months. Gabby and Little Mama 15 months. Issue at hand is they don't want to give her any room for appeal. If they don't accommodate her with time she can say they set her up to fail. If they make her work with a therapist she doesn't feel comfortable with- she was set up.

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About Our Family

Full time paralegal and Adoptive Mom to: Stella (12), Sarah (11), Simon (), Smiley (8). Former Foster Mom to Solana (2). Blogging about life as a Mom and support to our former foster kids. Email me at rloveisastateofmind@yahoo.com