in this day and age, do women still really have to CHOOSE? I choose happiness.

Good morning, Yogis!! I have so many things on my mind these days, I actually have several blog posts half written because every time I want to write something I start the post but feel like I still have more to say!! Alas, eventually they will all get written…truth is, I think half of the stuff I write is for my own pure learning and growth! I find writing very theraputic, and often blogging and or/emailing a select few people is more like journalling for me than the actual outcome of sharing it….although, as I go though my life, I see more and more how sharing is as powerful to other people as the writing is to me. So, there you go.

I got up this morning and checked my mail and messages as I do most mornings. I came across a blog post of a young woman I know in Australia. I don’t know Ash very well, I originally met her a few years ago and have been friends on FB…so, as it goes, we comment on eachother’s photos, posts etc. Ash has an uber flexi spine and just graduated from chiropractic school…so, it’s fun to see what she’s up to. This morning, Ash had posted a link to her latest blog post, so I clicked over to see what she is up to these days. The blog post is titled “Twenty-Something Girls vs. Thirty-Something Women”. Well, as I am a thirty something woman and was once a twenty something girl, it piqued my interest…

As you can see, it inspired me to write my own post about the subject. Let me say this, and I say it with the knowledge that I am only 39, so there are all sorts of women who are older than I am who probably think the same thing I am about to write to the younger women of the world right now, but I will say it anyways because if my life continues to get better and better as I get older (as it has been until now) then I will gladly listen to the women who are my senior because I understand that aging is about knowledge and growth and moving forward. Aging is not about growing old and withering up until your time here is done.

(I will get back to Ash’s blog in a minute, stay with me…)

I often look around at people (people who live right here and I know, as well as people like movie stars and musicians-people who are in the lime light and have their lives spread all over the media), and I find it interesting to see which people live life to it’s fullest for themselves and then as they age, they do other things, more things, new things…and some stay rooted in the old things they did, but maybe not doing said things as well as they once did and yet still trying to hold on to how they once were. Isn’t life about growth and new exploration? If we are constantly holding on to the things we did in the years gone by, then we are constantly living in the past, in the what once was, not living in the possibility of what else is to come!! I will admit I have tried to hold on to things that felt good in the past but don’t feel as good now in the hopes that by holding on tight and forcing things to be a certain way, said things would make me happy again. Not the case. It is only in my embracing the experiences of the past that I feel so much more empowered and inspired to do other more awesome things moving forward!! By aknowledging my accomplishments and having them be a part of what has built up who I am TODAY, I can feel strong and confident to create even more amazing things than I have already done! By holding on to the past and the things that I accomplished back then only seems to lead me down a dark path of disappointment. Living in the past puts a set of expectations on me, which only leads to feeling inadequate or not good enough, not as I once was. pffff, who would want to feel like that??!!

I will use my yoga practice as an example (of course). I worked very very hard at my yoga practice. I trained and yoga-ed for hours every day. I ate specific things at specific times and everything in my life was about my yoga practice (or so I thought). I accomplished high ranking in the competitive yoga world and taught myself sooooo much about who I am and how I operate and how I want to be in this world. I am ever great-ful for my time spent in that mind frame and arena…and now I am ever great-ful for NOT being in that place anymore!! I have spent many moments wishing I could perform the yoga postures as I once did, wishing my body was a lean and flexible as it once was, thinking I should start practicing like I did before, prove it’s never too late, blah blah blah. Fortunately, the work I have been doing on my spiritual self has brought me to a different place. I no longer look at my past as something that I will never accomplish again, I hold that part of my life as a massive learning time! I cherish what I learned from that experience and am so happy to be moving forward with other things, with new things, with more amazing things in my life!! Life is not about moving backwards, life is about moving forwards!! Good one, huh?

So, let me now get back to the blog post that started this whole thing this am…

“In modern day times, women are now procrastinating in seeking marital status. The priorities have changed. The modern day woman is more career driven and is prepared to put on hold love, marriage and kids in order to achieve financial stability, security and status all on their own!

The fall back? Well, that is plainly obvious; by the time these women are ready, the men and partnership they seek may no longer be available. They have missed the train!! Men want young nubile women. Not women in their 30s as their counterparts. This is rather discerning for the generation of women who are in the third or fourth decade of their lives who find themselves still single. This is not a joke, and not one to be apologizing for. It simply and sadly is a fact.“

uh…..really? We’ve “missed the train”? There is absolutely no part of me, as a 39 year old woman, that feels that I have “missed the train” when it comes to men and relationships. This is one of the things I was talking about when I said that I will happily listen to women who are older than I am because I have learned so much about myself in this world in the past few years that I finally understand why all women say the same thing….”wait til you’re 40″. Seriously, the past few years I have said countless number of times that I am excited for 40 because if it is any better than it already has been at 37, 38, 39, then the doors are about to be blown off with magnificence and amazingness!!

The original post is about men and dating and how it changes in your 20’s and then into your 30’s. She talks about the men who are interested in the women, how as younger women we seek older men for stability and the older men like the younger women because of their…well, youth…and then as women get older (their 30’s), the men are either all taken or scared of the confident woman who has “chosen her career over romance” (my words not hers) and then we (the women) are left with the young men who see us as a sugar mama, or else we are left alone… (this is not exactly what Ash is saying, but it was the catalyst for me and my thoughts).

So here’s the thing…dating can be weird at any age. I have the good fortune to have some really awesome kids in my life. I am currently witnessing the growth and development of puberty and intimacy and seeing how confidence can be found and lost in other people…from such a young age…in the arena of romantic relationships. It’s fun and interesting to re-live some memories of myself in my teenage years as I watch “my” kids grow and develop. I have never really been a “dater”. I have been on several dates, but for the most part my relationships have always jumped to relationships pretty quickly and I have never really been a casual dater. So, as my lifestyle has changed over the years, I have spent most of the past few years on the road, travelling and not spending much time in one place. Because I have chosen this, my dating and relationship life has been more challenging interesting than it has been before. Do I feel like my time has passed? Nope. Do I feel that the pool of men is too small now? Nope. Do I feel like I chose my career over having a family? Nope. DO WOMEN REALLY STILL HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HAVING A CAREER AND HAVING A FAMILY??!! Seriously?

Your life is at your fingertips. Your life is what you make it. Your life, your love, your relationships, your money, your confidence, your intimacy, your family, your friends, your outlook, your career…your everything is how you make it. The world is like an energy fountain, energy flows freely and is infinite! It is what you do with this energy that determines your happiness and how you see yourself as happy and successful. So, if having a career is important to you then go out and do it and when/if a family and relationship become important to you then go out and do that too. Be open to anything and everything. If love is what you seek then love yourself. If health and well being is what you seek then send out health and well being into the Universe. If peace is what you seek, then create peace around you and set your intention to share peace with everyone around you.

Get it?I love my life. I am confident in myself as a 39 year old woman. I am single. For now…and I never, ever, feel that I have missed ANY train…and if I did, guess what, there is always another one on the way. Remember the Law of Attraction, give out what you want to get. Louise Hay puts it simply and beautifully here, “The law of attraction is that our thinking creates and brings to us whatever we think about,” she says. “It’s as though every time we think a thought, every time we speak a word, the universe is listening and responding to us.“

It’s that simple…living in fear of what you don’t have will only keep you focused and rooted in lack…in this world, we are all abundant-whether it’s in love, career, money, family etc.

8 responses to “in this day and age, do women still really have to CHOOSE? I choose happiness.”

Hi Ida
I loved reading your blog today. I agree with you absolutely. Women are being told too often that they have to keep a certain schedule to be happy and or successful. NO WAY.
I especially appreciate the idea of letting go of things that used to bring us pleasure but no longer serve our well being. (hello sugar)🙊

You are a great writer and a wise woman, Ida. Thanks for the inspiration. Namaste
Love,
Becky

awe, Becky, that is so sweet. Thank you so much, that means so much coming from you!! You were always one of my role models, so be proud of yourself for some of my formative years were spent as your mirror. xxox

thanks ida..this resonated with me. im 45yo although i feel like i am still 28! it annoys me that society puts pressures on us like this. being single at this age is what it is and its taken a long time for me to truly be happy with it. i have to say it all turned around for me when i walked into my first bikram class about 5yrs ago. sound familiar? ciao gorgeous, elisabeth from sydney (lance cove is where i met you)

Totally agree! I´m 38 and also getting divorced, and feeling also that my life is getting better, more confident, exactly as you said… better than ever, contrary as every one expected (in my situation in a middle of a divorce) of course everything on life is a process, but even though I enjoy it, what ever it is, without trying to hold on anything. Even if it´s just an idea that you thought it would be the real true happiness.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
You are truly a princess!