Remember pink slime? That disgusting neon tube of "beef" that it turns out was in all of our Big Macs and cafeteria burgers and other ground beef? Well, thank goodness, it's fast becoming a thing of the past. After McDonald's and other fast food places banned it from their burgers and then the USDA decided schools could opt out of using it, Beef Products Inc.—distinguished manufacturer of the gunk—has announced it is suspending operations at three of their four pink slime plants. Boy, having a job there must not be a pleasant thing to have to explain at a dinner party.

Fans of Mickey D's rejoice, they've suspended their practice of using pink slime in your…
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Despite the totally public revulsion at their product, the company's president, Craig Letch, remains optimistic:

"We feel like when people can start to understand the truth and reality then our business will come back. It's 100 percent beef."

Yes, 100 percent beef doused in ammonia, which doesn't have the same natural-sounding flair. Sorry, Mr. Letch, but I'd say as long as your product still resembles a pale pink meat snake, people aren't going to be clamoring to shove it down their gullets any time soon. Maybe you ought to start shaping it into little Easter bunnies and selling them as Meat Peeps?