phrenicmonkey:Way to tough it out, you two. Couldn't figure this shiat out before you hooked up?

Why should they tough it out? He wants kids, she doesn't. The party has to be over. Seriously, do you talk to a potential mate before the relationship begins to become serious? I never did. In fact, when my first wife and I were dating, such things were discussed, but neither of us felt we were ready to make so important a decision about becoming parents one day. We decided that it was a decision for later in life. We got lucky, though. Neither of us decided we wanted children. We should have made this decision before marrying. At least this young couple understands this. They have different decisions, so they have to go their separate ways. They may be behaving like a couple of hipster douches, but they are dead-on right about this.

I'm going to offer another perspective. When I got together with my eventual wife (farker Logophile), she told me she had no interest in kids, she had her career goals mapped out and her much younger brother was such a terror it reinforced the 'no kids' attitude. Well, I did the right thing and ignored this as the naive position of the young. After many months of dating her biological click started to tick, especially when other friends of ours got pregnant, and what do you know, we had a baby about 10 months after that.

She said that was it, just the one. Foolish me, this time i believed her.

Six years later she says, "If I can quit my job I'll have more kids." We can make it work financially so I agree and hello, twins come out!

Our first kid will turn 18 in only 11 days... the time... wow

What's the lesson here? How about, "There's no way to work it all out ahead of time. Sometimes people grow and change and have different wants and desires as they age. You take your best shot knowing what you know at the time and hopefully you and your partner's goals remain compatible and your life is a happy one." Mine has been.

phrenicmonkey:Way to tough it out, you two. Couldn't figure this shiat out before you hooked up?

Just wondering, what is the proper time to discuss having kids? First date, that's psycho territory. First year, still too many unknowns. Second year, maybe that's when these two started really trying to understand each other. Third year, both know each other's opinion on kids and is trying to change the opinions.

I'm glad these two didn't breed. Wish more people would wait before having kids.

spammuncher:Hey dude, she doesn't want to have kids with you. Looks like you are the seat warmer of her early twenties. You had a run of five years with her and now she has a convenient excuse to dump your ass. I'm sick of guys crying because their wives/girlfriends don't want to have kids. It's simple, find a normal girl that wants the experience of having a family, not the hipster chick that you met at the performance space. There are plenty of women who still want to have a family. They may not share your taste in music/food/clothing, but will be a great wife and mother.

/It's also a good idea to have a career.//Chances are her next boyfriend may have a bit more going on and she'll happily commit to having a family.

Where should one meet such a woman? Farking church? Literally every woman I've dated in the last five years just wanted to party, and dumped/cheated on me the second I sat down to rest and was no longer entertaining her. The whole "women want family and commitment" stereotype is an anachronism from before the age of internet dating and everyone meeting 500 new people per year.

Ral:It's easy for men to want kids. I understand why some women would not. The woman is the one who has to carry them for 9 months, give birth to them, feed them, raise them, discipline them -- basically all the hard work. Dad just comes home and hugs and plays with them. He gets to enjoy them but doesn't have to deal with them when they're hungry, screaming, breaking things, tormenting the pets, lying, fighting, or anything else. When that starts, he just hands them to mom.

It's easy for men to want kids. I understand why some women would not. The woman is the one who has to carry them for 9 months, give birth to them, feed them, raise them, discipline them -- basically all the hard work. Dad just comes home and hugs and plays with them. He gets to enjoy them but doesn't have to deal with them when they're hungry, screaming, breaking things, tormenting the pets, lying, fighting, or anything else. When that starts, he just hands them to mom.

phrenicmonkey:CapeFearCadaver: phrenicmonkey: Way to tough it out, you two. Couldn't figure this shiat out before you hooked up?

They were together for 5 years... I dated a guy for five years when we were both in our mid-twenties. I always knew I wanted kids eventually but I also knew I certainly wasn't ready for that yet. He, on the other hand, really had no interest in having kids but had stated he hoped he changed his mind. After the 5 years he decided he definitely wanted kids and I decided I definitely didn't want kids with him. He's a good guy but completely irresponsible; it took a while to learn that one about him. Anyways, we broke up over 2 years ago and are really close friends. Just not looking for the same things... grew in different ways. That's all.

I'm under the impression (mistakenly?) that this couple's getting a divorce. Also, I'm old. Five years doesn't seem like much to me. Also, I don't like them.

This is a good point. Goddamn kids these days destroying traditional family values by communicating with each other and responsibly moving on from relationships they aren't happy in. They should do what everyone's always done, blame each other for their unhappiness and silently resent one another for 20 years before one starts down a path of alcoholism and the other has a string of infidelities resulting in an STD, so they can bring up the children neither really wanted or felt competent to have in an unbroken home they're each too afraid to completely leave because they have no idea how to live without dumping all of their angst and misery at the feet of someone else.

phrenicmonkey:Way to tough it out, you two. Couldn't figure this shiat out before you hooked up?

They were together for 5 years... I dated a guy for five years when we were both in our mid-twenties. I always knew I wanted kids eventually but I also knew I certainly wasn't ready for that yet. He, on the other hand, really had no interest in having kids but had stated he hoped he changed his mind. After the 5 years he decided he definitely wanted kids and I decided I definitely didn't want kids with him. He's a good guy but completely irresponsible; it took a while to learn that one about him. Anyways, we broke up over 2 years ago and are really close friends. Just not looking for the same things... grew in different ways. That's all.