"Sorry Miss, my homework got burnt up by the volcano and all that was left was this pile of ash."

It's going to be a week of volcano-related absences, undone homework and timetabling nightmares. And Revenge of the Supply Teacher is the only show in town, as schools beg for the services of agency staff. So name your price, chaps. Just like the amiable Mr Clegg, you hold all the aces now.

It's a two-horse race when it comes to news this week. And the other topic of interest is of course the election. Jessica Shepherd and our EducationGuardian team have done a comprehensive breakdown of what each of the parties are promising to do if they get their hands on schools, colleges and universities. Unmissable. In some cases, unbearable. And, as Mike Baker points out, full of contradictions.

"Our students have been trying very hard to come back, and where they've been unable, we are providing this online support – which will be a precursor of the way education will go in the 21st century."

Meanwhile the Oxford poetry professorship re-run gets underway, following last year's shenanigans. You will recall that Ruth Padel told journalists about sexual harassment allegations against Derek Walcott, who then withdrew from the contest. This time Geoffrey Hill is firm favourite – unless someone finds something scandalous to tell the press about his 77 years of life.

What you said

I liked the test where you had to write a story. Once we were given the title A New Plant by a cover teacher. Turns out it was supposed to be A New Planet. And after all that effort my lil 11-year-old self had put into it.Still, I'd say that exams turned my school life into this:Years 1-5: running around playing kiss chase and painting.Year 6: "OMG we haven't actually taught you anything! Exams are the only incentive to teach we have! Cram cram cram, I know you can read but you have to spend all week doing this paper."Year 7-8: Pissing about, getting into the wrong crowd. I think I made a few posters, a million drawings of fruit, and a cushion.Year 9: Oh my GOD, another exam. We didn't bother to reinforce what you learned in primary school, or the discipline, so a huge number of you will actually get WORSE results at 14 than you did at 11.Year 10 until March of year 11: more pissing about, drinking, sexy time etc.Summer of year 11: Pure panic. Enter them into any exam going. Uh, life skills? Worth half a GCSE. DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!

Stories of the day

Now scientists can let you know if this is about to happen to your high street. Photograph: Owen Humphreys/PA