already exists as an alternate
of this question.

exists and is an alternate of .

(Note: Narcissistic Personality Disorder is something that can only be identified by a mental health professional who has examined the person in question. Other than that, "narcissist" is a word meaning "loves oneself excessively" and is susceptible to varying interpretations.)

1:

A Narcissist is someone who takes their self-esteem from the way others view them. Their personality will therefore center around how he or she is viewed.

Narcissism looks like this... Your partner treats you and perhaps your children very different in private than in public. In public he may ignore you giving all of his attention to others, or pretend to be the perfect husband or father, while in private he may be sarcastic, haughty and insulting. He may put people down behind their back. He may have a very inflated sense of entitlement and ego, thinking he deserves things that he hasn't worked for or earned and he may manipulate situations for attention, acting a bit too good to be true. This can fool people and so few of them will believe how he talks to his family in private (I say 'he', because I write from our experience, but there are plenty of abusive women with narcissism). He may also show little or no regard for your well being or your feelings.

2:

Unfortunately that's not all... He may lie about you or paint a bad picture of you to gain sympathy from others and to justify his own bad behaviour. You probably have no idea of all of the lies he is telling you and the bad things he may be saying about you to others ... If he makes fights when you try and talk about money he may be hiding credit cards or money transactions from you and his narcissism will cause him to pretend these fights are your fault.

Many narcissists are obsessed by the fantasy of an ideal relationship that is 'perfect' (and therefore fantasy!) and are skilled liars. So if the above symptoms of narcissism describe your partner, you should also be aware that he may habitually have secret crushes on other women, be having affairs, using pornography habitually, and/or conducting 'cyber' affairs (while lying that he is single) all without you having any knowledge of this. If you notice that your partners mind is often somewhere else, and they show narcissistic tendencies, this could be the reason. This obsession with his own inner fantasy life is part of what makes him unavailable, impatient and cross with you. It is a major symptom of the disorder.

Not all people with narcissism are physically abusive, but it is also a significant indicator that you will wind up being part of a domestic violent marriage. The physical abuse is not always perpetrated by the narcissist either. It is normal to become very angry with someone who manipulates you and puts you down. It is normal after years of this treatment, (especially if you discover that they have been lying to and cheating on you) to even want to kill them or wish them dead, so getting the right help and support is very important, and can be very hard to find.

There are very few people who understand narcissism or believe there is any cure, and those who say to 'leave and have no contact' are giving you very dangerous advice. If you want to leave, please get advice first on how to do it safely.

Trying to diagnose someone with a disorder is not a really a good idea when there are many who will then say that you must divorce them and have no contact and that there is no cure.

If your partner displays this behaviour it is not important to figure out the correct diagnosis, what you need to do is take steps to protect yourself and save your marriage before it is too late.

My husband was diagnosed NPD and yet still he got better and we have a great marriage now. We help partners of narcissists save their marriages too.

3: WRONG. The correct answer is - you can not recognize a narcissist. At least not a smart, experienced narcissist. It is a matter of survival for them to not let anyone know there true nature. (See note at top of page)

When I met my NPD ex, he was persuing me very hard. In fact so hard that it was uncomfortable, but I was very young and didn't know to trust my judgment. Sometimes we would be… at a restaurant and he would grab my hand and just stare at me. Which by itself is not a problem, I think lots of people do this when they are infatuated. But what was weird is his stare, there was no real feeling behind it. It felt like he read to do this somewhere (dating manual) that this is what you supposed to do to bring women to their knees. The stare was empty, snake like, somewhat socio-pathic. I dismissed my own alarm about it. Now thinking back, that should of been a warning. I have had other relationships since then. I have had people stare at me since then, but at least their stare contained, love, desire or something... This was the final piece of evidence I needed. I was totally under his control when he would do his stare. He would angle his face to one side and slightly raise his chin and stare into me. And I mean really into me - like he was reading what I was thinking and almost controlling my thoughts. The stare would be held and would be utterly seductive and totally compelling. Reptilian is the PERFECT description. I would feel like a rabbit caught in the headlight. Completly under his control. Every time I would try to break up with him or get away I would get this stare. I have never met anybody else who would do it - or be able to. I would say to him stop looking at me like that and he would say I was the one who was staring. It would render me totally his. Three of my friends al pointed a different stare out to me - one of evil jealousy. In that he would glare at friends of mine who I was talking to. He would also NEVER take his eyes off me if we were out in company. Would be scanning my every move. The final look in his eyes was one of nothing. I I was tentitively trying to talk about us - he would not be able to make eye contact and would look down and shake his head. I could almost see his brain working behind his eyes in order to come up with another lie. ALso when we did make love his eyes would almost be half closed and glazed over. Like he was mastrabating rather than connecting. When we would get together hew would hold my head and TELL me to look into his eyes. TELL me to tell him I loved him. I could not. I know that something was very wrong, however I had after 3.5 years of it come to believe that I was a cold worthless robot with no emotion at all. I finally ended it by ignoring him - it was the only way - I cut his supply. WIthin 2 weeks he was in love with another and getting married.... I occassionally bump into him and get the stare - the reptilian one - it makes me want to be physically sick. 2 - Now that you mention it... YES. The eyes are interesting to look at. Lacking on warmth, humanity, cold and calculating. It didnt dawn on me at first but in recollection, i DID notice it and dismissed it. There are somethings a habitual liar or imposter just cant control all the time. Eyes are the windows to human being's mind. it's very reflexible just as our complicated mind. The cold eyes without warmth was not normal. I can imagine that kind of stare like some full actors', or in your words, reptilian eyes. I'm sure that some part of his brain function was impaired. The eyes just perform the brain function impairment out.

There is a lot of false information about narcissism on the interenet. After talking to different therapists, they have all told me the same thing. No, a narcissist would neve…r consider the possibility of being narcissist. No matter what he has read. And if he was diagnosed, he really would not care at all. They don't want to change their behavior or 'get help' because they don't believe there's anything wrong with them. If you sincerely are worried or think that you might be a narcissist, you definitely are not one. I honestly don't think so because, my ex narcissist and I would sit down and watch lifetime movies and he would swear up and down that he wasn't like the male characterers that abused their wives on a movie. He denied it being that way left and right. I think they will deny it just to keep you. My narcissist and I lived like roomates until I moved out. I figured I could do bad by myself. Here is the interesting thing for me. I have not been professionally diagnosed as a N, but I started doing some research recently about it since I have a lot of trouble maintaining my relationships (specifically, romantic relationships). I'm 37 years old. I am single. I have probably had 4 truly special relationships in my life since the time I was 22. They would last 2-3 years each and then I would PUSH the person away. They were all truly special women. But the most recent one, was the most special to me. She was EVERYTHING I ever wanted. And I fought so hard to make her mine. I did everyting in my power. After 3 years, it's all over. What happened? I pushed her away. Simple as that. Over the past few months, I have been trying deperately to figure out WHY I would do that. And why it seems to be the SAME thing I always do. Always! I started seeing a psychiatrist last week. Social Anxiety seems to be the first "issue" we've identified. While I completely agree with that assessment, there seems to be something more going on with me. A couple days ago I googled "men who control women." I stumbled upon this thing called "narcissism." Had I heard of it? Sure. Did I know what it was? Nope. I read on. I continued to do research. This morning I landed here. And specifically on this question. I need to tell you - I am almost 99.9% sure I am a N. And the way I know that is by what I am reading here and on other sites. Trust me, I do not want that "title," especially after reading the feedback about helping a person facing this issue. I'm certain my ex-girlfriend is lucky to be rid of me. I miss her terribly - and, yes, I bug her with an email every now and then trying to "get her back" (manipulation). But this goes beyond her, in a way. I may NEVER have a real relationship. That makes me feel a bit sick and hopeless. I truly truly don't want to be that way in a relationship and it seems there may be no help for this. Scary, to say the very least. But to answer the question - I do believe a N would recognize himself as one, because I did! Unlikely. Sometimes the narcissist does gain self-awareness and knowledge of his predicament - typically in the wake of a life crisis (divorce, bankruptcy, incarceration, accident, serious illness, or the death of a loved one). But, in the absence of an emotional correlate, of feelings, such merely cognitive awakening is useless. It does not gel into an insight. The dry facts alone cannot bring about any transformation, let alone healing. The thought of any imperfection regarding the mind, or behavior of a narcissist would never enter their mind-even if they were reading their own description on a webite. I asked my now-ex to read some of the material on a relevant website, and after he read it, he told me that it didn't really "resonate." Btw, my therapist told me that while he couldn't diagnose someone in absentia, based on what I had told him, he thought my ex had narcissistic traits. In the slim chance that an N would recognize himself in any description, the knowledge would serve only to anger him and put his defenses into action. Disinterest and dismissal would be the typical response, like the reader whose husband said the material "did not resonate." The reason I have not sent my ex any info is that he uses projection so much that he would find a way to accuse me of being an N based upon what he'd read. The hardest thing I've had to accept in all of this is that he will never get it, he will always say the relationship's demise was due to my emotional problems (in fact he claims that the only responsibility he bears was that he "tried too hard to help" me), and he will never be sorry for his brutality. The only healthy satisfaction I will ever get is in my own recovery from my addiction to narcissists, and on the outside chance that one of his future mates may come to me because she doesn't know who else to talk to, and I can assure her that she's not crazy. It is horrifying how few people know that narcissism isn't just an insult, but an actual personalilty disorder that costs people their lives. I immediately recognized the traits of pathological narcissism in myself after reading about it on the site mentioned. It articulated so much of what I have been aware of for decades. Unfortunately, since the prognosis for pathological narcissists is so grim, I feel nothing but despair right now. I feel like a monster that needs to be isolated from the world so it doesn't emotionally hurt anyone. I fathered two wonderful daughters, and now I am freaked out... should I just leave them? What hope is there for me? Answer to aboveIf you come back to read this please don't leave oyur daughters. The fact that your recognized these traits in yourself means there is hope and a chance you can work on it and change things. If you had denied it all and thought it didnt describe you then yes there might not be hope. But please don't feel despondant when you can get better. As with every disease and addiction realizing it is the first step and often the hardest. Look for proffessional help, i have been reading about this alot tonight b/c i have a friend i believe is a N, and i also read that it can be changed, especially if the person is aware and openminded about it. Please look for help, don't give up, you sound like a good person stuck in a bad situation. Good luck, keep your head up, you actually give me hope my friend could also realize her problem one day. I like Sam Vaknin. He nailed it. But he does get lost in words and goes off the deep end. Wordy. good but Wordy. Seriously, you can start by not dumping your major life decisions onto strangers to make. Only you can decide and take responsibility for your actions. The reason somebody said yes, shouldn't alarm you. YOU asked a yes/no question so if a person answers "yes" and it bothers you then maybe you weren't serious. Narcissist do use language less literally than others. They are vague, hint, and use innuendos, extremist exaggerations (in order to shift the frame of reference). Do you literally mean what you are asking? or are you just trying to get someone to respond a certain way. I'm a Narc and I actually take pride in that knowledge. I don't believe that it actually is a "disorder", more like an evolutionary variation. If I'm successful in life and pass on my genes then being a Narc might actually be a good thing. There is no "normal" state of being people... there is no right way too think, feel, or behave... everything is relative in the long run. I'll be successful in life because I seek power, and that hunger for more than mediocre and average is what drives me on. Most people can't understand this desire because they choose the path of least resistance... they never leave their sphere of comfort. Sad really. The Best Answer I know you people hate technical jargon, over analyzing and deep concepts in answers but bare with me...ok? By the way, before I get started--addressing the person above--do you have meaningful relationships with family and friends? "Would a Narcissist recognize himself as one if he saw a description of traits on a relevant website?" Normally no, because for one, if the Narcissist's needs include positive recognition from a society that views mental illness negatively, they will naturally have a tendency to lean toward the denial end of the acceptance spectrum when confronted with oppositional information, no matter how creditable or "relevant" the source. To illustrate, for those of you who are not Narcissists, how would you react to your physician abruptly telling you that you have cancer? To a Narcissist a threat to their perfect self-image is equally a death sentence. In short, it is a common occurrence for humans in general, but more so for the Narcissist--their very self depends on it--to either downplay or reject outright the severity of painful, contradictory, or personally challenging information. A site modeling a "disordered" image is clearly inconsistent with the perfect image of, and thus unrecognizable to, the Narcissist. HOWEVER, this is where it gets interesting. What if the Narcissist, though still pathologically dependent on positive regard, strips "mental illness" of its negative connotation via intellectualization--a defense mechanism that reduces anxiety or emotional distress through excessive reasoning: "mental illness is a construct of society for the purpose of instilling guilt, fear, and self-hate into those who deviate in their behaviour and thinking to preserve optimal productivity and exploit common thinking via collective consumerism", the Narcissist might say. The Narcissist is still a slave to his addiction, and continues to project a compensatory and elitist image, but is no longer a slave to the labels of society. He has ascended--and is self-aware. Although it should be noted that this perceptual and cognitive leap doesn't change how the Narcissist presents himself to the world, for should his suppliers find out, extraction would become unfathomably difficult. The world must never know that the Narcissist is a Narcissist. --Anonymous

Answer A Witches Brew According to Sam Vaknin, "Narcissists are an elusive breed, hard to spot, harder to pinpoint, impossible to capture. Even an experienced men…tal health diagnostician with unmitigated access to the record and to the person examined would find it fiendishly difficult to determine with any degree of certainty whether someone suffers from an impairment, i.e., a mental health disorder - or merely possesses narcissistic traits, a narcissistic personality structure ('character'), or a narcissistic 'overlay' superimposed on another mental health problem." I wanted to share my story with those of you out there who much like me went into a relationship with a woman who persuaded me beyond the shadow of a doubt that our paths not only meant to cross but it was Gods intent that it come to fruition. I loved her with all of my heart and never thought for a moment that my life would enter Satan's den. First and foremost she was the biggest liar I've ever encountered. She could look right into my eyes, swear on a stack of bibles and once had gone as far as swearing on her children's life and tell you the biggest lie you've ever heard. She would say that she wasn't going to do something, while plotting to do just what she said she wouldn't do. Out of touch with her feelings she would talk just to hear herself talk - while not believing anything she was trying to convince me of. It became obvious very soon: an over-inflated ego. Astonishing lies exaggerated emotions. Would lie about other people's health telling me they had cancer or worth someone had died and needed to be near them or with them then never mention of it ever again. The old adage "if it's too good to be true then it usually is" applies directly to narcissists. When I first met her she engaged me directly with her eyes, then they would move away from me. She would make me feel unique that was because she had such a grandiose sense of herself worth then her attentions on me also reflected my worth. She initially flattered me in a way that was embarrassing. e.g, "She would constantly call me the Perfect Man" I would immediately retort that "I wasn't" since I could not live up to those grandiose expectations. A narcissist projects an air of her own self importance. Her facade was well cultivated. The very second you construe a behavior that is immoral in anyway and she used it as an excuse to justify her behavior that is in itself immoral I didn't know it at the time I was in the presence of a narcissist. How did I learn to recognize that she was a narcissist? I did a lot of research because everything that was happening was like, watching a train wreck in slow motion unable to stop it, un-willing more like it. I started looking at her family mostly her children she always said to me that her ex's called her a bad mother now I know why. Her family is a springboard of verbal and emotional abuse. She treats herself to everything, but her family had financial restrictions. She ran out on her children to be with "her" man, she rarely participated in caretaking or nurturing of her kids. Example last Christmas her ex husband (divorced 20 years) put a little get together so she could re-unite with her children, of course she told me she didn't want to go because her husband was still in love with her all, of her ex's are still madly in Love with her, but she still found a way to get there 3 hours late and was hurt by the fact that her children had left without seeing her. I asked her why she was so late since she had left in plenty of time to make it there. Her response was that she had to stop and visit friends on the way down. But she still condemned, criticized and complained that "they" her children were ungrateful! And hurt her feelings by not waiting for her . The only great ideas are hers, and the only valid purchases are those she justifies. She brags about how smart, healthy, talented and unique she is, but fails to appreciate everyone around her. She even puts her children and close friends down to elevate her own ego, and truly fails to appreciate what she so boldly steps on everyone that represents a challenge or possible conflicts. There is no empathy, only exaggerated self emotion, self importance and self concern. You will have no peace living with a NPD, but removing her from your family's lives is no easier with this knowledge. Before you know it, you are entwined and smothered in her oppression, gasping for air for you and your family. I think a Narcissist is like toxic waste, there is no way to remain healthy while one is in your life. She, at first glance, was a friendly, real person. This is the narcissist's bait. The person lures people in, only to control them, in any shape or form. You will not recognize this, but as time progresses, you will feel guilty. The most important thing to recognize is that you need to live your own life and not be controlled by a narcissist. They steal your relationships with people, she thought everyone of my friends were beneath me and haunted my feelings. They are a very special, wicked breed of people these N's, who get away with what they do. My advice: be careful with whom you meet; don't be misled. They will relate to the problems in your life, claiming that something very similar has happened to them. They make it sound like they and they alone truly understand and relate to you. They get you to share very personal things and make you feel like you've found someone who has been through what you have been through. And it's very comforting. It was difficult at first since she charmed me. Some possibilities: It was all manipulation and control ... She admitted she had no significant number of long-term relationships ... Their eyes have no soul, many of my friends who met her told me that they felt her eyes were vacant. She talked but only to hear herself dominate conversations ... They try to give people their opinions ... She would never let me finish a thought She wanted constant attention ... She was cheap ... Never bought me anything lunch, little gifts, cards, never made dinner. When it came to the intimacy it was always about her…give me back rubs take care of me make sure I'm satisfied it was always about her. She always has subtle ways of cutting down other people (malignant narcissist). I begin to see the ease in her ability to brainwash people including me. Here are some of them I noticed, but I'm sure there are plenty more tricks she used. Everything she said was an exaggeration, deception or lie. Everyone word out of her mouth was 1) self praise or, 2) cut someone or some group down. By the time she was done with done talking about someone I was left with a negative impression of them, but she never came right out and said anything directly. Train yourself to become aware as soon as you think something negative about someone. You didn't really think it up yourself. It was planted. So be on the lookout for sudden bad lighting on someone. She is a true narcissist a full time liar. She appeared to be something they she was not. She seemed educated, confidant, charming, and social. She was a master manipulator and total control freak and proud of it. She had no emotions and void of empathy. She felt for no one but herself. A bottomless pit never satisfied. She was incapable of giving and receiving true love. She felt she was better than everyone else, always right and never wrong, and her way is always the best way to do anything. She loved attention. Always thinking only of her, but made me think she was thinking of my best interests of course if I did it her way and for her in the end. Her time is precious to her and you do not deserve any of her time unless it is to her benefit. I only existed solely to please her. To her, I was less than human, I was not worthy of her mere presence. After we had spent a few months together she "never" complimented me on anything but would rather criticize everything I did unless I consulted with her first. The only time she would give me attention is when she thought another woman was noticing me, then she would be all over me, ownership that's all that was. Constantly talking and praising of her while putting others down. She always has the better way of doing things, has eaten a better meal than you a serving her, knows more about any topic than you do, and when she is unfamiliar with the topic insists on immediately changing the topic. She always wanted to drive my car, once she did her car was better than mine, of course it really wasn't her car the ex was leasing it for her. What still amazes me is her ability to lie, lies easily, and with such ease that it is difficult to detect, since it is so common. Always wants more from you; you could never give enough. When people call her a "princess" she thinks it is a compliment. Competes with people on every dimension; if you are sick, you should feel sorry for HER since she feels bad that you are sick. Never goes out of her way for anyone, even a dying "best" friend. My uncle was dying in Europe I had to go," but what would she do!?" while I was gone she needed me more than he. Thinks she is entitled to everything in the world; does not expect to earn anything she had no job, no money, didn't intend to get one. You can tell when she is on the phone with anyone, since the other party is limited to saying "uh huh" or the like. She never asks people about their interests, and doesn't care what they do. Her children's accomplishments are only valuable to the extent she can boast about them to other people. She dominates (or tries to) any social gathering. She has no intimate knowledge of another human being. She sees herself as extremely talented and extraordinarily bright, more than most of the world. She expects gain with no effort. She has no empathy with or for other people. Unfortunately I didn't detect anything until she had made sure I was hooked. But I can list the most obvious traits I had in my nightmarish experience. 1. Will lie blatantly whilst looking you directly in the eyes. 2. Will lie about who they are, what they do, and even what they had for break if they feel like it. 3. It's all about them and their problems and their needs all the time, if you try to tell them about you....a look of disinterest will appear on their faces...and they lead it back to them. 4. Your emotions and feelings and needs mean nothing...you are only there for their needs...end of story. 5. Their moods and emotions are extreme...and one night they can be crying and sobbing and (sucking you dry for support) and the next day they haven't a worry in the world. 6. They will push and push for what they want until you succumb to their wishes or needs regardless of how you feel about it. 7. They have to be with people and are terrified of their parents dying and leaving them (if of course the parents are supplying something they need). 8. They are never at fault, and even if they say it once or twice that they are...its only words to make them seem more human. 9. When they find other better fresher supplies of attention...you will become non-existent, until they may need you again one day when they may just rear their heads again and try and suck you back in. 10. They will be nice as pie to your face and turn around and tell the next person they see and say you are nothing to them. 11. They are master manipulators and use any information they have on you to control you and get them what they want. 12. Their emotions are shallow and have no meaning and everyone in their lives are nothing but a source of attention. 13. They say things that are so out there that you think they have gone to another planet. This witches brew is made of a huge ego and tiny consciences. It's not they're actively trying to hurt people; they just never consider other people at all, unless they want something. http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/howto.html

"Is a narcissist capable of recognizing Yes, I believe so. After an exchange of emails with my ex(long distance)N, who was trying to manipulate me into …becoming his supply again, it must have been evident to him that he'd revealed his extreme narcissism in a way that couldn't ever be redeemed. Even the possessions of mine that he was holding onto were giving him no leverage, as I chose to let them go rather than see him in person to get them back. Finally he denied that he had any of my belongings, and told me not to contact him ever again. He also sent a text reinforcing the message. I'm sure I am free of him now, as he has not bothered me again.

Marcy M

60,142 Contributions

I love people and enjoy helping others. I have a great thirst for knowledge and always strive to expand my mind and thus my life.

\n.
\n Answer \n.
\nIf you know for sure this person was diagnosed under the label of "Narcissistic tendencies" then it's more apt this person will be upset that their… life has been turned upside down and they don't want anyone sick around them and want to continue on with their every day life. To a Narcissist when someone near them is ill it's an "inconvenience." Do they care? Absolutely! Narcissists show signs of not caring because it's part of the way they feel, but, inwardly they fall apart. Narcissists are actually big chickens and detest being ill themselves or being around ill people (sign of weakness) and it's "Get up, get going and you'll be OK." Believe it or not Narcissists are running so far ahead of their lives and it's because they can't handle standing still and dealing with anything that shows emotion and they are afraid they will slip up.\n.
\n.
\nDon't just clump Narcissists into this group. There are many people with different personalities that can be void of feelings and not have Narcissistic traits. People can build-up walls in their life because they've been hurt in the past, so they feel if they can survive it then why shouldn't you. Some people have had to be "the rock" in the family and have had to maintain a wall to hide their emotions in order to be that rock of confidence and understanding. Yes, it's self protection for most of us. Some of us will cry over someone being sad; being at funeral of someone you love; etc., and some people will stare straight ahead and it appears they are void of feeling.

Someone who worships him or her self. everything revols around you, everythign you do is for your own good and use Narcissism is the practice of displaying (among others);- gr…andiosity (superiority,) entitlement, competitiveness and envy, lack of empathy (understanding and considering others,) shallow affect (vague or superficial feelings and emotions,) Lack of insight or self-awareness (never considers that attitudes/behaviour may be unhealthy to self or others,) Poor impulse control (cannot resist urges especially destructive ones and especially when angry,) manipulative behaviour. When these behaviours go to extremes (and are displayed over a significat period of time) a medical diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) may be made. Many people may display some (or all) of these traits without having the disorder, on fact most of us display these from time to time. It is logical to say that the more of these traits displayed and the more frequently they are displayed then the more narcissitic that person may be.

At first is very subtle they are very charming some even humble! But you can notice if they complain about co workers, ex girlfriends they are lazy, dumb or don't care about h…im if something happens it is always somebody elses fault. They don't exchange ideas they don't tolerate healthy criticism they always can do things better then somebody else, and they always feel entitled to something, in the beginning they put you on a pedestal and later there is nothing good about you anymore, they have a craving for perfection and they criticise people, they lie and most are very into porn and Internet chat rooms. He lived very isolated, working only and gaming and Internet. We had a long distance relationship but always told me when a woman made a pass at him for example at the supermarket and gave her cell number to him that I shouldn't worry about it he wouldn't call her. If you ask him something you would get another question as an answer, and everything is very dazed and mysterious they tell you what they want you to think but never the true. My ex would tell me things about himself that wasn't so nice so i would think, well is terrible but at least he is being honest about it so i stayed but the truth was thousand times worst and i only found out because he did something that caused a family member of him to expose him and that's how I found out the truth and he tried to turn the tables around putting all the blame on this person that in fact was his victim! and finally you will notice when you are dealing with a N that you will feel always in doubt and feeling that something isn't quite right but you cannot exactly say what. Listen to your gut feeling, they are very nice in the beginning and yet you will sometimes feel something isn't right. I know is difficult it happened to me and i wish i knew then what I know now about this people he destroyed my self esteem ,my life joy is been a long road and after a year of counseling and rivers of tears and believe me i am a well educated good-looking and empathic person and they wanted to be like you they cant because they don't have feelings for others then they suck the life out of you. Dont fall into the trap of a bad childhood story don't get weak like I did. I helped him, loved him, and he just destroyed me and threw me away as a used paper tissue. Be aware of your gut feelings.

Confronting them directly will only cause them to dig in and defend their position. The things that are taught to us as a child by our parents are our most valued possessions.… There are only two ways to break them of the pattern: a) Experiences. If a person has enough negative experiences, they will begin to question their beliefs. b) Examples. If a person is shown examples of how their behaviour has negitively affected others, they may come to see the error of their ways. In either case, the person has to be willing to change. Some people are so fixed in their positions that they can not change. It's a boiled frog effect. It takes a sudden and massive event (like divorce) to save them from themselves.

Characteristics of Narcissists: amoral/conscienceless authoritarian care only about appearances contemptuous critical of others cruel disappointing gift-givers … don't recognize own feelings envious and competitive feel entitled flirtatious or seductive grandiose hard to have a good time with hate to live alone hyper-sensitive to criticism impulsive lack sense of humor naive passive pessimistic religious secretive self-contradictory stingy strange work habits unusual eating habits weird sense of time Just a couple of these traits is enough to make them PATHOLOGICAL! Run!!

Opinion Narcissism is a personality disorder not a mental illness; a narcissist is perfectly capable to make the distinction between right and wrong. If you wanted to ask if …a narcissist will ever admit to others that he is one- NO-he will not alert the future victims and face the consequences of his actions. Opinion Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder are usually unwilling to acknowledge their disorder. Although some may recognize the difficulty they have in their relationships with other people, they blame others for those problems. They are unable to modify their behavior. They have a conviction that they can do no wrong. They often have a defective ability to interprete other people's speech and actions which leads them to think they are liked and respected. One of the striking hallmarks of NPD is the utter lack of self awareness. Many do not recognize that they have a problem at all. If they do suspect they have a problem they are more likely to step up their self defense, reject outside intervention and avoid introspection at any cost and so they are doomed to repeat their failures and mistakes.

No, narcissistic people have a hard time seeing this in themselves. They would need a close friend to point out this character defect. When pointing this out they might take o…ffense or they might be grateful your are helping them but all in all, it's good. To make yourself a better person you first have to identify your defect of character so you can then work on it. Do what your spouse wants to do instead of what you want....get out of yourself and be kind to someone else. Quit trying to impress people with material things....they just get more offended GOOD LUCK Stan