BK (Before Kids) Saturday night was THE night! Mr Balderdash and I would rise lethargically from our pits in the morning and plan the night ahead. It would mainly consist of pre- drinks at home, then meeting friends for a few more drinks, maybe a meal, definitely a dance and then a night cap at around 2:30am, happy in the thought that Sunday – our day of rest (remember them?) would include the notorious consumption of hangover munchies and coca cola.

Those days are long gone – which to be honest I don’t really yearn to feel like shit every Sunday anymore, and the thought of staying out later than 10pm quite frankly fills me horror – the thought of having to queue in a bar, or wait in the cold for a taxi! What I do miss is the ‘Saturday Routine’ we stuck to so adamantly, which got me thinking what it my ‘Saturday Routine’ now?

1. Texting Friends – We would arrange to meet at the same pub each week, ask what each other is wearing, who’s going out and general balderdash that comes with not seeing your friends for a whole week! Nowadays, if I’m lucky I text the cripplingly expensive Xfactor to cast my vote on who has sang the shittiest this week. I may also text Santa or any other charity show to still justify my existence and attachment to the big, scary outside world.

2. Getting My Bag Ready – First I would choose my bag to match my outfit. Place following items in said bag; Lipstick / gloss, chewing gum, purse, comb, blusher, eyeliner, phone, cash. My current ‘bag’ is the one I make up every night to take up to bed. It includes everything I need to get me through the night with a newborn so that I don’t have to come downstairs in the dark. Nappies, wipes, Infacol, formula, bottles, change of baby clothes, muslin clothes, dummy, phone (to use the torch app in the night and vote on xfactor).

4.Listen to some Music – I would plug in my phone and listen to some dance music, maybe even have a sing a long looking forward to ‘drunk dancing’ in around 5 hours time..whilst sipping wine..oh how I miss wine. My playlist now consists of nursery rhymes, white noise and the Fun Song Factory soundtrack, and the closest I get to drunk dancing is swaying gently in half light with my baby in arms ‘milk drunk’. At least one of us is drunk.

5.Call a Taxi and wait in anticipation for the night to begin! Cue, getting weed on for the third time today on my third set of clean clothes…can’t even be bothered to change them now…taxi for Mrs Balderdash…