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Is it Abuse? (A Resource Guide)

As a future Social Worker, I felt it would be good to have a post in the Love and Marriage group that has information about the different types of abuse - and yes, there is more than just physical abuse. I have listed some links below, and I hope that everyone will add more resources and /or stories so that we can keep it on top as a primary resource. Feel free to include resources and information about abuse within an adult relationship, child abuse/neglect, and elder abuse. It's not a fun topic, but I think it's vital that we have these resources available!

Sounds like my first marriage. I'm glad you found a way out and are now happy :) I am too!

Quoting earthangel1967:

Thank you... in my first marriage (if thats what you want to call it ughhh) of 16 yrs I was abused and didnt realize it for a long time. I also kept thinking I could fix him and that if I couldnt "I" was a failure and felt guilty and had to try harder ... I regret marrying him and I regret not leaving him much much sooner ... it was sooo shocking and so sad when of my 4 kids my two young teens (the oldest 2 ASKED me t leave him)I had thought my kidswould hate me if I left their dad, plus I had no money nowhere to go and no employability skills, they told me they didnt care, they said even living in a shelter would be better .... I left him within 1 hour of them confronting me that way and it was the best thing I ever did.... me and all the kids went thru 2 years of intense poverty once I left but we were close knit and a team and then our lives became better than we'd ever hoped and dreamed and we've been beyond happy ever since. : D

awwww I am so glad your husband is there for you. Mine is too. As a matter of fact after I left my ex he was still very very obsessed with me (actually I think even now 12 yrs later he still is, last I heard he refused to date anyone ever again and still has my pictures all over and lives like a recluse literally now ) when I left him,, he promptly moved in literally next door to me! He would knock on the door or stand in my window and when I would say What are you doing?! He would say I am sorry I just wanted to see your face or hear your voice and I would say YOU CANT DO THAT! I was scared the whole 2 yrs I had to live next door to him with him stalking me and when I was dating Todd it creeped him out too so 7 mos into me and Todd being exlusive, he bought a house a glorious HOUR away and moved me and the kids there with him and we didnt tell my ex where I lived, he rarely ever wanted to see the poor kids but if he ever did we met him downtown in public place.

Quoting da808gypsy: I'm glad you find happiness <3 I know I did! I'm still scarred and heading but dh is helping me along the way. We were actually friends when I was with my ex . I went to a hospital for three WEEKS and he called me everyday even though we were in different states. He got we away from an abuser and into my sister's house and bought my plane ticket . Taught me how to drive and even tried to help me get back into school to get my education.

When I was with my ex I was a highschool drop out who never worked and didn't have anything to show for. Now I drive, have my GED, started looking at schools and have an 8 month old son I love more than anything <3

Thank you for sharing your story I thought for the longest time I was stupid for thinking I was failing especially since nothing really that tied me to my ex since we didn't have any kids.

Quoting earthangel1967:

Awwww big hugs! Thank you for sharing! I am SO glad you got away too! I felt like "I" was failing and it was my fault because of it so much that I didn't even let my own very loving parents and friends and family know anything was wrong, I hid it because I was so embarassed and so ashamed I was failing and wasn't able to give my kids the PERFECT life I always passionately wanted to, (well I did every chance in every way I could and got but I couldnt fix the parts that had anything to do with their bio dad and that was a BIG BIG deal and I felt like it was up to me to make him into the kind of dad they deserved. but he only got worse and worse and even now that they are adults he is worse than ever, he wont' even speak to them ).

BUT ironically my kids DID end up with the PERFECT dreamy dad any kid could ever hope for in my husband Todd I met to my SHOCK 2 yrs after my divorce, and he loves them as his very own and has been the most exceptional father and even now wiith them adults now he STILL is and they know it and love him for it. He may not be 4 of our kids bio dad and I may not be todd's daughter we raised togehter's bio mom but WE ARE their REAL MOM AND DAD and we beleive we were always meant to be together even from the time our souls were being created before we were even born. : )

I honest to goodness did not have a CLUE that any human being on this earth could possibly be THIS happy in this liifetime. For most of my life I just thought NO ONE was THIS happy .. that it was not even possible. I could not be more grateful every day.

I sooooo hope you are happy now too! : D

Quoting da808gypsy: Omg that's how I was in my first marriage!. I didn't even know I was in an abusive relationship and thought if I couldn't make it work I would be failing! So weird I swear I could have written that.

Im so glad you got away! Hugs <3

Quoting earthangel1967:

Thank you... in my first marriage (if thats what you want to call it ughhh) of 16 yrs I was abused and didnt realize it for a long time. I also kept thinking I could fix him and that if I couldnt "I" was a failure and felt guilty and had to try harder ... I regret marrying him and I regret not leaving him much much sooner ... it was sooo shocking and so sad when of my 4 kids my two young teens (the oldest 2 ASKED me t leave him)I had thought my kidswould hate me if I left their dad, plus I had no money nowhere to go and no employability skills, they told me they didnt care, they said even living in a shelter would be better .... I left him within 1 hour of them confronting me that way and it was the best thing I ever did.... me and all the kids went thru 2 years of intense poverty once I left but we were close knit and a team and then our lives became better than we'd ever hoped and dreamed and we've been beyond happy ever since. : D

Sounds like my first marriage. I'm glad you found a way out and are now happy :) I am too!

Quoting earthangel1967:

Thank you... in my first marriage (if thats what you want to call it ughhh) of 16 yrs I was abused and didnt realize it for a long time. I also kept thinking I could fix him and that if I couldnt "I" was a failure and felt guilty and had to try harder ... I regret marrying him and I regret not leaving him much much sooner ... it was sooo shocking and so sad when of my 4 kids my two young teens (the oldest 2 ASKED me t leave him)I had thought my kidswould hate me if I left their dad, plus I had no money nowhere to go and no employability skills, they told me they didnt care, they said even living in a shelter would be better .... I left him within 1 hour of them confronting me that way and it was the best thing I ever did.... me and all the kids went thru 2 years of intense poverty once I left but we were close knit and a team and then our lives became better than we'd ever hoped and dreamed and we've been beyond happy ever since. : D

My ex shut me out after I left him. I'm a forgiving person and try tutu understands people's point of view, but my ex hacked my Facebook, states spreading lies to everyone. Turned his family against me. Turned allot of friends against me, made it seem like I was the psycho. Made everyone think I was after his money (what money? LOL)

I left my birth certificate when I left him and said that was the ONLY thing I wanted and he claimed he couldn't find it. Though I specifically remember leaving it on the counter before I left for the airport. And it was the one from the hospital the day I was born with my footprints.... the original. I'm still upset over that.

He also told everyone I was a slut and sent threatening emails to me over Facebook under a fake account mocking me. He also flew back to his hometown and impregnated one if his friends. (whom he is now married to) also the same girl who dropped him off drunk, at 3am, during our HONEY MOON after he snuck out the house to party when he told me he was getting dinner (chipotle to be exact). Smh

Quoting earthangel1967:

awwww I am so glad your husband is there for you. Mine is too. As a matter of fact after I left my ex he was still very very obsessed with me (actually I think even now 12 yrs later he still is, last I heard he refused to date anyone ever again and still has my pictures all over and lives like a recluse literally now ) when I left him,, he promptly moved in literally next door to me! He would knock on the door or stand in my window and when I would say What are you doing?! He would say I am sorry I just wanted to see your face or hear your voice and I would say YOU CANT DO THAT! I was scared the whole 2 yrs I had to live next door to him with him stalking me and when I was dating Todd it creeped him out too so 7 mos into me and Todd being exlusive, he bought a house a glorious HOUR away and moved me and the kids there with him and we didnt tell my ex where I lived, he rarely ever wanted to see the poor kids but if he ever did we met him downtown in public place.

Quoting da808gypsy: I'm glad you find happiness <3 I know I did! I'm still scarred and heading but dh is helping me along the way. We were actually friends when I was with my ex . I went to a hospital for three WEEKS and he called me everyday even though we were in different states. He got we away from an abuser and into my sister's house and bought my plane ticket . Taught me how to drive and even tried to help me get back into school to get my education.

When I was with my ex I was a highschool drop out who never worked and didn't have anything to show for. Now I drive, have my GED, started looking at schools and have an 8 month old son I love more than anything <3

Thank you for sharing your story I thought for the longest time I was stupid for thinking I was failing especially since nothing really that tied me to my ex since we didn't have any kids.

Quoting earthangel1967:

Awwww big hugs! Thank you for sharing! I am SO glad you got away too! I felt like "I" was failing and it was my fault because of it so much that I didn't even let my own very loving parents and friends and family know anything was wrong, I hid it because I was so embarassed and so ashamed I was failing and wasn't able to give my kids the PERFECT life I always passionately wanted to, (well I did every chance in every way I could and got but I couldnt fix the parts that had anything to do with their bio dad and that was a BIG BIG deal and I felt like it was up to me to make him into the kind of dad they deserved. but he only got worse and worse and even now that they are adults he is worse than ever, he wont' even speak to them ).

BUT ironically my kids DID end up with the PERFECT dreamy dad any kid could ever hope for in my husband Todd I met to my SHOCK 2 yrs after my divorce, and he loves them as his very own and has been the most exceptional father and even now wiith them adults now he STILL is and they know it and love him for it. He may not be 4 of our kids bio dad and I may not be todd's daughter we raised togehter's bio mom but WE ARE their REAL MOM AND DAD and we beleive we were always meant to be together even from the time our souls were being created before we were even born. : )

I honest to goodness did not have a CLUE that any human being on this earth could possibly be THIS happy in this liifetime. For most of my life I just thought NO ONE was THIS happy .. that it was not even possible. I could not be more grateful every day.

I sooooo hope you are happy now too! : D

Quoting da808gypsy: Omg that's how I was in my first marriage!. I didn't even know I was in an abusive relationship and thought if I couldn't make it work I would be failing! So weird I swear I could have written that.

Im so glad you got away! Hugs <3

Quoting earthangel1967:

Thank you... in my first marriage (if thats what you want to call it ughhh) of 16 yrs I was abused and didnt realize it for a long time. I also kept thinking I could fix him and that if I couldnt "I" was a failure and felt guilty and had to try harder ... I regret marrying him and I regret not leaving him much much sooner ... it was sooo shocking and so sad when of my 4 kids my two young teens (the oldest 2 ASKED me t leave him)I had thought my kidswould hate me if I left their dad, plus I had no money nowhere to go and no employability skills, they told me they didnt care, they said even living in a shelter would be better .... I left him within 1 hour of them confronting me that way and it was the best thing I ever did.... me and all the kids went thru 2 years of intense poverty once I left but we were close knit and a team and then our lives became better than we'd ever hoped and dreamed and we've been beyond happy ever since. : D

Hi- I really appreciate you sharing this info. I have been married for a lil over 6 yrs with my current DH. He has been abusive for most of it and never truly look at it. I guess because I was so caught up and was in denial that a such thing can happen to me. That I allow happen! I'm a nurse I see things as my situation all the time in ER. I talk and encouragin them to walk away. Yet it was so hard for me! I just recently separated from my DH. After goin into premature labor and him hurting me kinda bad. This is still hard for me. Because I love him and can see his potential. Breaks my heart and what it is young to our children. Anyhow sorry for babbling so much.

It s been almost 4 years now that I live an emotional abuse from him about my saggy boobs my weight and when I loose the 80 pounds only thing he could see is my extra skin and my arm skin that is hanging you know when I gave birth to my daughter I wanted him to be in the room just so that he sees the pain I went through and he could love me more boy I was wrong after I gave birth he stop touching me he keeps drinking and insulting my feminin side I'm do lonely I hide while changing I hide while showering I want to live I know I deserve better he wants a maid at home that cool clean that s all but how can I live with 11 month baby I have no family in the country no friend no money no car I live away from city and he like it that way do depressed the only joy in my life is my baby I want for her a better future a healthy mom but how?

The lady that posted about her I think it was 20 yr old son had been pushed by gf...pete123 I think was her username.. maybe she can show her son this post or similar info..I think this post is a good idea..

Quoting aimesnyc:

Hi Ladies,

As a future Social Worker, I felt it would be good to have a post in the Love and Marriage group that has information about the different types of abuse - and yes, there is more than just physical abuse. I have listed some links below, and I hope that everyone will add more resources and /or stories so that we can keep it on top as a primary resource. Feel free to include resources and information about abuse within an adult relationship, child abuse/neglect, and elder abuse. It's not a fun topic, but I think it's vital that we have these resources available!

I liked that statement that you made I feel confused about my marriage something I want to change for the better and reading your article was refreshing, and inspirational. I Feel our relationship is not where it should be and I just don't feel like I am setting an example for my kid other than the fact that the child is living with both parents I just wouldn't want my child to settle for less either.
Thankyou!

Quoting earthangel1967:

Quoting aimesnyc:

I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but so happy that you left and now have a much better life! What would we do without the love of our children? :)

Quoting earthangel1967:

Thank you... in my first marriage (if thats what you want to call it ughhh) of 16 yrs I was abused and didnt realize it for a long time. I also kept thinking I could fix him and that if I couldnt "I" was a failure and felt guilty and had to try harder ... I regret marrying him and I regret not leaving him much much sooner ... it was sooo shocking and so sad when of my 4 kids my two young teens (the oldest 2 ASKED me t leave him)I had thought my kidswould hate me if I left their dad, plus I had no money nowhere to go and no employability skills, they told me they didnt care, they said even living in a shelter would be better .... I left him within 1 hour of them confronting me that way and it was the best thing I ever did.... me and all the kids went thru 2 years of intense poverty once I left but we were close knit and a team and then our lives became better than we'd ever hoped and dreamed and we've been beyond happy ever since. : D

Sometimes divorce is a blessing and NOT a bad thing!

awww thank you hugs. I am so lucky to have such awesome kids (they are all young adults now ) and I am also grateful that 2 yrs after my divorce I to my utter shock met the love of my life, my bff, my soulmate (didnt believe in soulamtes until we met honestly) and he had full custody of a 9 yr old daughter that I love as my own and he loved my 4 s his own and we finished raising them all together and are very close knit and I am soooo grateful the kids all got to see an example of a beautiful healthy fulfilling marriage now too.....

Because our 5 kids saw first hand both of us have bad marriages and our mistakes and also an exceptionally good marriage that we have together now all 5 of them 2 boys 17 and 25 and 3 girls ages 18 20 and 23 have very high standards and dont rush things in relationships and dont want relationships where they feel they have to "fix someone or save them" we are so grateful they have learned such important life lessons thru us instead of making those mistakes directly themselves. We taught them thru example with our current marriage to never settle for less than your personal best... life is too precious and too short AND you are a role model of what marriage should look like for your kids like it or not.

Send me email updates about messages I've received on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.
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