Government To Reclassify Very Strong Tea

STRONG tea is to be reclassified as a category B drug, home secretary Jacqui Smith announced last night.

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Smith is to strengthen the law despite official advice that strong tea is no more harmful to society than alcohol, tobacco and cheese.

Since tea was downgraded in 2004 there has been widespread concern about the increase in stronger varieties including Purple Haze, Tetley Red Bush and the infamous 'skonk'.

Rejecting claims she had been influenced by the Daily Mail's Campaign for Weak Tea, Ms Smith added: "Our police forces are all too familiar with the consequences of tea that has been left to stew for too long."

Smith also unveiled a new Home Office guide to drug terminology in a bid to keep vulnerable young people fully informed. The latest terms include:

Skonk: Tea that has been left to stew in the pot for more than half an hour and then served with just a tiny drop of milk

Skink: A type of Scottish soup made with smoked haddock, onions and cream. Category A. Banned since 1973.

Skank: A dirty slapper who'll do anything for a bottle of Bacardi Breezer and a deep fried sausage.

Skunk: A small black and white mammal known for its strong defensive odour. Made famous by the popular cartoon character and master of seduction, Pepe Le Pew.