Ask Schmoo: New pup doesn’t know cat boundaries

Under normal circumstances I would not reach out to one of your kind. However, desperate measures compel me — the cat — to do so.

My pet parents have lost their minds. After years of cohabiting with a Shih-poo dog (like yourself), I have her trained. My pet parents condescendingly like to call us sisters … REALLY! Anyway, recently my mom came home with another one of you!

This one is young and seemingly untrainable. The entire house is destroyed. I have used my most aggressive and intimidating growl, hiss, and swipe to no avail. This little monster is unstoppable. She seems to think that I want to play with her and that it’s perfectly acceptable to jump on me. To make matters worse, everyone seems to “ooh” and “ahh” over her. Please! She is so uncivilized.

As if this new puppy isn’t enough drama, everyone seems to be concerned about the other one. “What will she think?” “Does she know she’s loved?” “Let’s make sure she knows she’s the alpha dog.” All I can say is, “What about me?”

Given that these two troublemakers are your “kind,” what do I do? How do I train the new one? How can I stop her from “playing” with me? Is there any way to get rid of them and claim my rightful throne in the family?

I am at a loss. It is clear that I am the only civilized one here.

Molly

(Cat Extraordinaire)

Dear Molly,

I can see that “It’s a Family Affair” does not have a heartwarming ringtone for you. As you sit perched high above it all, contemplating your next move (the one that gets them in trouble), consider those lonely, furless nights without your paw tribe. Boring would be the optimal word without them.

We know how inquisitive your kind is. So put on a purr-fect face, grab some holiday catnip and enjoy the show. Keep in mind that you will always be top cat. Your pet parents know this; therefore they are not worried about appeasing you.