Depending on you and your partner, mutual masturbation can be discussed beforehand or a spontaneous moment. If a dialogue is what makes you feel comfortable, discuss what will turn you and your partner on during the scene. Some questions to include in the conversation can be:

If you choose to be spontaneous, remember that consent is No. 1. You and your partner can begin by mutually masturbating and end with intercourse or vice versa. Experiment with what makes you feel good together and separate. Through spontaneity, you may discover new ways to touch, new methods of intimacy and include language in the scene.

What’s even more exciting about mutual masturbation is that your partner can help. While you’re touching yourself, your partner can kiss you or massage other areas of your body if you aren’t comfortable with zero contact whatsoever.

Once you’ve decided your plan of action, or lack thereof, begin to explore your own body. While this is a way to intimately connect to your partner on a deeper level, it is also a method of discovering your own pleasure points and how to get there. Slowly working your way down your own body can create a frenzied sensation around your erogenous zones. Before moving toward any obvious areas, make sure to take it easy, take it slow and circle areas of sensitivity. Exploring your breasts, for example, can also look appealing to your partner, who is watching you revel in your own skin.

Introduce more playfulness by incorporating toys into the scene. If you have a vagina, using a small vibrator on your clitoris before entering can be a great way to tease yourself as well as your partner.

Your position should be thought out before entering the mutual masturbation scene. If you’re lying down, you are able to roll over and switch positions on a bed — think masturbating while in doggy style — while your partner continues to touch themselves on a chair or on the opposite side of the bed. Moreover, the tension between the two of you will begin to build as you turn each other, and yourselves, on throughout the duration of the moment.

OK, so what happens when you’re both reaching climax and want to experience it together? This will involve a bit of communicating, either with oohs and aahs or literal language. Erase any pressures of having an orgasm at the same time — this isn’t a race. Don’t set these expectations too high because the chances of you both having an orgasm instantly, together, is slim, although it is possible (and cheers if you can accomplish it). Once one of you climaxes, don’t leave the scene instantly. Keep building intensity for yourself or for your partner.

While mutual masturbation is still a separate act, there is no reason not to focus on one another’s bodies. Fantasy role-playing, kissing, eye contact and taking turns can all be incorporated into your scene. Additional props, like ice cubes and toys, and positions can be included in future scenarios once you feel more comfortable.

Don’t think of mutual masturbation as a way to turn yourself on. Think: together but separate. It’s a joint act where connectedness is still vital to a successful and intimate outcome. Let the touching commence!