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Hell Yes, You Do Exist! Biphobia in the World

By Jon Pressick

"You're a fencesitter."
"You're just confused."
"You're just halfway to gay."
"You spread disease.
"You're just being trendy."
"Make up your mind."

When I take a look at a website such as Bisexual.com, I am filled with joy at seeing so many bi folks coming together. We're a community, we're strong people. But that doesn't mean the road for us is paved in pink, purple and blue! Among the many struggles we still have to deal with is the undeniable influence that biphobia has on our lives.

I've been a freelance writer/activist in the greater queer and the smaller bi community for a number of years. And when I write articles, I often ask for input, putting out emails for people to comment. Never have I ever received such response than from my simple call out for experiences with biphobia. This is a topic that many people have, unfortunately, had experience with and is a definite touchstone for our community.

What is Biphobia?
Wherever there exists differences in our world, there exist phobias. Be they an individual thing or a group mentality, humans seem to have a natural predilection toward fear. Perhaps the most widely recognized societal phobia is homophobia—the fear of people who love those of the same sex. Be it the result of religious beliefs, societal conditioning or just personal misunderstanding, homophobia is still rampant throughout the world. And for the longest time, bisexual people would have been lumped in under homophobia, given that we do have the ability to love those of the same sex. However, it just doesn't cut it. Bisexual people have a different set of experiences, that are, ahem, more complex than those covered by homophobia. And many of these experiences are based on where biphobia comes from.

Stereotypes and Biphobia
Maybe you could relate to some of the quotes at the beginning of this article. They are just some of the many, many stereotypes that are affixed to bisexual people. Basically, bi people are considered sex-crazed, indiscriminate, confused, disease-carrying fools who are deluding themselves with the idea that they can't or don't have to chose between the two genders. Perhaps the most powerful idea of bisexuality is that it simply doesn't exist. Robyn Ochs, longtime bi activist, educator and author tells of doing workshops across the United States: "Almost every place I visit, one or more person says, "I don't believe in bisexuality."

Of course, any of these characteristics are unfair to place on a community as a whole or individuals. Unfortunately, it isn't even necessary for you to be directly assaulted with any of these stereotypes for you to be affected by them. Your very existence as a bi person can render you helpless in the face of outright discrimination. Cheryl Dobinson, an activist and creator of the bi women's 'zine The Fence, suggests that those who are confronted with these stereotypes may choose to "identify as another label, or no label at all."

Biphobia in the Straight Community
Given the prevalence of homophobia in the world, it is easy to see how the straight community is a major influence of biphobia. Robyn Ochs, in Bisexuality: The Psychological and Politics of an Invisible Minority (Ed. Beth A. Firestein, Sage, 1996, pp 217–239), makes a blunt statement:

“It is obvious that bisexual individuals who are being approached by someone intent upon perpetrating violence against them as they leave a gay bar are unlikely to have the opportunity to say to the gay basher, "Oh actually, you see, we're bisexual, not gay, so please, only beat us up on one side." Nor would such a plea be likely to dissuade the person from assaulting them.”

Of course, biphobia is not just about physical violence. Biphobia from the heterosexual community can take many forms. People who come out to family can be ostracized and disowned, in much the same way gay men and lesbians are. Many people will not come out to their families fearing losing them. Bi people, particularly men, are also condemned as transmitters of disease to the straight community. They are perceived as recklessly engaging in gay sex and then coming home and infecting their unsuspecting wives and girlfriends (of course the same does apply to women), with STI's such as AIDS. In the same vein, bisexuals are often blamed for the breakdown of families, if after time, they come out to their spouses. The courts can then treat them unsympathetically when issues of custody of children arise.

All of these instances come from the societal belief of the superiority of heterosexuality over homosexuality—any form of homosexuality. But even this comes in degrees. In recent years, the concept of "bisexual chic" has come up. Movies and television have portrayed women as "hot" when they exhibit bisexual tendencies and actions. Of course, it is assumed that those same women will still be coming home to their men in the end. This is a clear double standard. Men have never achieved this same level of cultural "hotness for being bisexual," more often than not male homosexual activity is still vilified.

Biphobia in the Queer Community
Almost seems like a contradiction, doesn't it? How can people who have been similarly oppressed also feed into biphobia? Aren't we "kin"? It may seem so these days, what with most queer organizations carrying the acronym "LGBT" (in the least). However, it must be remembered that that 'B' (and 'T' for that matter) are relatively new additions, and there is still much derision sent our way from the homosexual community.

There are certain gay and lesbian people who, much like straight people, also believe in the invisibility of bisexual people. However, instead of not wanting accept that a bi person's attraction to the opposite gender exists; they instead consider bi people to be too afraid to come all the way out as gay or lesbian. As a result, bi people are sometimes not accepted, particularly at the queer high holiday, Pride. If you haven't already, I invite you to go back and read "My Girlfriend's Boyfriend" Sometimes gay men and lesbians can be downright catty to bisexual people!

On the other end of the spectrum of biphobia from the queer community is the belief in "heterosexual privilege." This is the notion that bisexuals can, when it is convenient for them, jump back and hide behind their "hetero" side when it comes to difficult situations. This leads to a sense of resentment. They feel that bi people have just jumped on the bandwagon of the rights and achievements they have accomplished. However, it should be noted that bi activists, such as Lani Ka'ahumanu, Robyn Ochs, Steven Harvey, Dana Shaw, Rob Yaeger and many others have working hand-in-hand with the wider queer community for understanding for many years.

Where do we go from here?
Whenever there is a social condition that is based on fear, much changing of attitudes needs to be accomplished before we can truly make change. Lani Ka'ahumanu notes "biphobia looks very different today than it did in the closing decades of the 20th century." Because bisexual people are more known, recognized and socially aware themselves, "there is less face to face hostility." However, she does note that biphobia is not a thing of the past yet; instead, "biphobia has gone underground. It's more subtle. Like sexist or racist comments or jokes people hold back now or use euphemisms and/or wait for the woman/person of colour/the bisexual to leave the room before they comment."

So what can we do, to dispel stereotypes and combat biphobia? Well, the best thing is to just be ourselves. Live your life the way you want. Take as a spouse whomever loves you and you love. If it works for you, have a lover of each gender, and carry a picture of each in your wallet. And while it may not be possible for everyone, wear your sexuality on your sleeve to establish you—and bisexuality in general—as someone and something that needs to be taken seriously and be respected.

(c) Copryight 2006 Jon Pressick

Jon Pressick is the feature article editor for Bisexual.com. He is also the publisher of TRADE: Queer Things and a past contributor to Xtra!, Gaiety, Broken Pencil, Women’s Post and Quill and Quire.

Re: Hell Yes, You Do Exist! Biphobia in the World

Originally Posted by Drew

In recent years, the concept of "bisexual chic" has come up. Movies and television have portrayed women as "hot" when they exhibit bisexual tendencies and actions. Of course, it is assumed that those same women will still be coming home to their men in the end. This is a clear double standard. Men have never achieved this same level of cultural "hotness for being bisexual," more often than not male homosexual activity is still vilified.

Though I doubt this is what you meant, Jon, let me chime something in here.

I often hear bi guys saying "In our society it's okay for women to be bi but not men" or "Bi women have it easier than bi men" and citing this sort of stereotype. That is NOT, NOT, NOT, NOT true, and I do wish some of the guys would stop and think a moment before coming out with it.

Being some man's fantasy is not the ultimate test of acceptance in the world. The fact that some straight guys are turned on by the thought of two women together doesn't stop them shouting threats and abuse from their cars at FF couples, or refusing to rent them apartments, or refusing to hire women they think aren't straight.

Furthermore, even sexually, the "bi women = hot" idea doesn't work in bi women's favor. Here's an example. There are a lot of men in the world who fantasize about large-breasted women, but almost none of them would walk up to a woman they don't know at a social event and say "I fantasize about big breasts. You have big breasts. Let's get together."

And yet men will come up to a bisexual woman they don't know and say "I fantasize about bisexual women. I hear you're bisexual ..." and expect you to jump into bed with them (and bring a friend.) It's as though the fact that you're a bisexual woman means you don't deserve the consideration a straight woman would get. These guys act as though bi women exist solely to get them off.

I don't doubt for a moment that biphobia affects bi men and bi women in different ways, but I'm so tired of hearing my life is great because two women can kiss while a bunch of men jack off.

Re: Hell Yes, You Do Exist! Biphobia in the World

Wow, thanks Driver 8 for a very enlightening response! I often perceive what appears to be greater visibility of bisexual women as a societal bias against bimen and toward bi women. I hadn't thought of the weight I was giving male fantasies (usually straight male fantasies) and I certainly wasn't considering how this is actually more demeaning than it is beneficial.
And demenaing is putting it mildly.

Re: Hell Yes, You Do Exist! Biphobia in the World

very interesting article but he really has to do something about his hair.

That being said I agree with Driver more than Jon. I don't really think that there is such a thing as "biphobia", at least in the straight community...for the most part homophobes don't make such clearly defined distinctions, its all you're a fag to them. As for the gay community, I have repeatly stated I think its rather shallow and silly, so with the exception of actual individuals, I don't expect alot from that end either, I worked in the restuarant trade for 20 years and the gay men I worked with weren't exactly deep, the majority, well lets put it this way, you couldn't get your big toe wet, muchless drown in their depths....and so called spokespersons speak the party line as it were...so I discount them as well.

So what does that leave? The individual of course and each experince is different...some are accepted based on the circle they were born or fell into (my case) and others have had to fight and scratch every inch of the way and others still are so far in the back of the closet they don't even know where the door is....but really, and I hope this is changing, the majority of bisexuals are simply lost and confused souls wondering if there is a way forward.

If you have made it to this place...you are already on the way, but to what, only you get to decide.

Re: Hell Yes, You Do Exist! Biphobia in the World

While I certanly do agree with Driver8...I must play the devils advocate for a moment .I know when I am looking for bisexual attention weather it be anoher man or two women.I go to where they congrigate,where they are free to be who they are.

if you want a catholic girl...go to a church '
you want a BI person...go to a bisexual dance club!

Re: Hell Yes, You Do Exist! Biphobia in the World

[QUOTE=Driver 8]Though I doubt this is what you meant, Jon, let me chime something in here.

No, it wasn't what I meant. In no way did I mean to infer that that is a desired role in society, that of being the "bisexual eye candy" for men. I had intended the paragraph to show that, from a wider societal perspective, that "seems" to indicate a heightened acceptance of bisexual women. In reality, it is objectifcation, not acceptance...and honestly, I think the objectification of the bisexual is a whole other article!

Thank you for getting what was lost between the lines out there for others to read!

Re: Hell Yes, You Do Exist! Biphobia in the World

Originally Posted by smokey

very interesting article but he really has to do something about his hair.

I hope you were just trying to be amusing Smokey, and we haven't gotten to a point where we are criticizing our in-house writers for their hairstyles. That definitely would not be in the spirit of this site which is well-established as one of openness, grace and friendliness - you and the other longtime posters here have been so instrumental in setting that spirit.

Re: Hell Yes, You Do Exist! Biphobia in the World

Originally Posted by smokey

That being said I agree with Driver more than Jon. I don't really think that there is such a thing as "biphobia", at least in the straight community...for the most part homophobes don't make such clearly defined distinctions, its all you're a fag to them.

Though I've only told one person that I am bi, I've already witnessed some of the things yall are talking about. My friend's father appearently works with one or more bi people and his opinion is that bisexuals are only interested in sex. With anyone. This also brings to mind a "discussion" I had with my father one day about a bisexual singer. He called him a "homo" (or some such word) and when I corrected him, he just told me that there was no difference.

Re: Hell Yes, You Do Exist! Biphobia in the World

We cover this topic occasionally at our local bi group. I don't know about where you live, but here in South Florida the vast majority of bisexuals would not be caught dead at a pride event.

Yes, we are unaccepted by many in the gay and lesbian community. But what have we done to deserve acceptance? How many of us volunteer at community centers? donate to the HRC? donate to aids charities? ask our employers to offer health benefits to same sex spouses? I am guessing the numbers are pretty low.

Do bisexuals as a group even REALLY want to be considered part of GLBT? It doesn't feel like it.

I'm not trying to be a jerk here. I'm just stating what my experiences with this topic have been so far. My apologies for the negativity.

QUOTED FROM ARTICLE:
"However, instead of not wanting accept that a bi person's attraction to the opposite gender exists; they instead consider bi people to be too afraid to come all the way out as gay or lesbian. As a result, bi people are sometimes
not accepted, particularly at the queer high holiday, Pride."

Re: Hell Yes, You Do Exist! Biphobia in the World

To Drew...I was practicing my old fogeyhood...I went in one year from midback length hair to spike cut beached blonde so...

To Glantern...I have to agree with you, with the exception of a few very gay friendly places such as Portland Maine, whenever i have tried to associate with the gay community outside of sex I have been made to feel unwelcome...the general idea being oh you're just another closet queer, without them knowing any of the people I had told I was bi (all my friends and lovers). This repeated experince has led to me disassociating myself from the gay community. I will show up for gay pride now and then and really don't feel that there is a place for me. Its all the duality worldview BS....the straight community says you are straight or gay and the gay community agrees....both sides ignoring the many shades of gray. Go to barnes and nobles, there are plenty of books on being gay including a living the gay lifestyle handbook but next to nothing on bisexuals. The most absurd is by this black man on straight black men who have sex with other men...as if there is some sort of distinction to be made.....honey...thats called being bi.

Re: Hell Yes, You Do Exist! Biphobia in the World

Originally Posted by Lord_Pheonix

you want a BI person...go to a bisexual dance club!

Seriously, if those exist where you are consider yourself in a place that is a step down from heaven! There is NO form of bi support here, much less an outlet. Of course you're probably talking about gay clubs (if you really mean bi I am so jealous!) There are a couple of gay clubs here, but I've found the gay community not to be much more accepting than the straight. Not to mention, I've discovered disco music is my least favorite.

Re: Hell Yes, You Do Exist! Biphobia in the World

I agree there, there is no form of Bisexual activity groups here. I think the nearest "meeting" is over 60 miles away and i have no way of getting there. Both the gay clubs in my home town have been shut down, and new "trendy bars" have been set up in there place.

Bisexuals are, well, not hated, but definitely disliked in this neighbourhood, and gays are only mildly more accepted.

Needless to say I feel very alone and cut off from the Bisexual world where I live. Im fortunate enough to have 2 fantastic friends, one gay, one bi, but thats about as far as i've ventured into the world.

In short I wish there was such a thing as a bisexual club because all those that were in doubt in the community could just go and hang out. No sexual intentions would be great, but on the other hand, some would be fun!

Re: Hell Yes, You Do Exist! Biphobia in the World

me personally i have found the bi comunity to be afraid of who they are and what people think of them i recently came out and have found many freinds and lovers sso being out wwwwith it helps me understandd it more

Re: Hell Yes, You Do Exist! Biphobia in the World

Ahh to be bi in Denver in the Springtime.... My wife and I come from different perspectives on this, she was in lesbian relationships before coming out as bi and joining up with,,,me. I am a previously married father of two, who has come out as bi, only since meeting her, although I had identified as such for many years. I feel lucky to be in a community where I have been mostly welcomed into a couple of groups, that are primarily gay, but accepting of bisexuality.

And as for being part of the community, we go to pride, support local GLBT stores etc,, and my wife is planning to do some volunteer work at the center...

Re: Hell Yes, You Do Exist! Biphobia in the World

Originally Posted by Driver 8

Though I doubt this is what you meant, Jon, let me chime something in here.

I often hear bi guys saying "In our society it's okay for women to be bi but not men" or "Bi women have it easier than bi men" and citing this sort of stereotype. That is NOT, NOT, NOT, NOT true, and I do wish some of the guys would stop and think a moment before coming out with it.

Being some man's fantasy is not the ultimate test of acceptance in the world. The fact that some straight guys are turned on by the thought of two women together doesn't stop them shouting threats and abuse from their cars at FF couples, or refusing to rent them apartments, or refusing to hire women they think aren't straight.

Furthermore, even sexually, the "bi women = hot" idea doesn't work in bi women's favor. Here's an example. There are a lot of men in the world who fantasize about large-breasted women, but almost none of them would walk up to a woman they don't know at a social event and say "I fantasize about big breasts. You have big breasts. Let's get together."

And yet men will come up to a bisexual woman they don't know and say "I fantasize about bisexual women. I hear you're bisexual ..." and expect you to jump into bed with them (and bring a friend.) It's as though the fact that you're a bisexual woman means you don't deserve the consideration a straight woman would get. These guys act as though bi women exist solely to get them off.

I don't doubt for a moment that biphobia affects bi men and bi women in different ways, but I'm so tired of hearing my life is great because two women can kiss while a bunch of men jack off.

Re: Hell Yes, You Do Exist! Biphobia in the World

I've known my whole life that I like both sexes. I have often heard "You're either straight, gay, or lying to yourself" when the subject of bisexuality came up.

One would think that after all they went through to gain acceptance and the ability to be open with their sexuality, "purely homosexual" folks wouldn't be so quick to discriminate against bisexuals, but before I fell in Love and got married, that was the norm in all the clubs (gay and straight) that I went to.

Thanks for the article!!

I almost died trying to fight this. What a sense of freedom and peace to finally start accepting it.

Re: Hell Yes, You Do Exist! Biphobia in the World

thanks, jon, for this article. i wrote a similar article for UCLA's LGBT magazine, Ten Percent back in 2000, in which i outlined the different ways i'm discriminated against by straight men, straight women, gay men, and lesbian women.

Originally Posted by smokey

I don't really think that there is such a thing as "biphobia", at least in the straight community...for the most part homophobes don't make such clearly defined distinctions, its all you're a fag to them.

i have to disagree with you, smokey. i think that straight people CAN be bi-phobic. sure, some of them just don't like anybody that does anything with the same gender and so they lump in bisexual people with "the gays", but i've also met straight people who accept gay/lesbian people but don't accept bi people. i knew of this one straight man who just couldn't accept that there is such a thing as bisexuality. i also had a straight male friend who stopped being my friend because he kept thinking that i would never be faithful again (even though he knew i was faithful before i came out to him). there have also been studies measuring biphobia among heterosexual and gay/lesbian people, and they found that heterosexual people actually had HIGHER rates of biphobia than the gay/lesbian people. if you're interested i can dig up the reference.