I left my default life to be with the man I really love. It is a slow process, but we are closer to being a "real" couple.

We met in July 2010 and attended 2010 BM together. He attended 2011 without me, but we're headed back TOGETHER in 2012!

Congratulations! I know the feeling. I also changed my life in the past year and am now with my love who I met at BM in 2008. If you look at my icon, it's a picture of me standing under the roses we built together for our wedding day on the playa this fall. I wrote about this on the orginal thread you have now updated. Good luck and best wishes to you and yours. It can and does happen! We are proof positive.

I left my default life to be with the man I really love. It is a slow process, but we are closer to being a "real" couple.

We met in July 2010 and attended 2010 BM together. He attended 2011 without me, but we're headed back TOGETHER in 2012!

Congratulations! I know the feeling. I also changed my life in the past year and am now with my love who I met at BM in 2008. If you look at my icon, it's a picture of me standing under the roses we built together for our wedding day on the playa this fall. I wrote about this on the orginal thread you have now updated. Good luck and best wishes to you and yours. It can and does happen! We are proof positive.

Same thing happened to me. A long time friend met me on playa in 07. We really connected, and decided that we needed to be together. I was married at the time, but the emotional pull to my friend was too much. My divorce was nasty (as one could expect), but its finally over, and my girl and I are happily living together and planning our future.

Burningman brought us together, and now we celebrate our anniversary each year on playa.

Same thing happened to me. A long time friend met me on playa in 07. We really connected, and decided that we needed to be together. I was married at the time, but the emotional pull to my friend was too much. My divorce was nasty (as one could expect), but its finally over, and my girl and I are happily living together and planning our future.

Burningman brought us together, and now we celebrate our anniversary each year on playa.[/quote]

Update: life is fucking grand! We got married on playa this year (ok, well last year 2013) on tuesday. We had a small gathering about 100 yards off the man. It was epic! So every year we get to spend our anniversary on playa.

So, I have a question to those who were married and left their spouses. Was your marriage in disrepair when you decided to get divorced and if so, why didn't you divorce before you "met the one on the playa". btw, congrats on meeting that one person, your yin to his/her yang! I love a good love story! one day I may meet my knight in dusty armor! *HA*

Sometimes I'm confused by what I think is really obvious. But what I think is really obvious obviously isn't obvious.

I'll share a bit of mine. I wasn't in a "bad" marriage. We had been together for over twenty years, liked each other and were raising two children. But I wasn't in love. Really had never been. I accepted that and let it go, but it was working on me. I found interests to take up my time but they didn't make me happy. Then I went to Burning Man and met the love of my life. Let me be clear on this; I could have met her in a dozen other places and still the connection, the love would have happened. I didn't need the Burn to know how I felt about her. And when I got home, everything started to change in my outlook. She live far away so we could only correspond or telephone. And you would think after the glow of being together, that our feeling might fade. But they didn't. They grew stronger and stronger. And I knew that no amount of "work" was going to change how I felt. I began to feel more anxious every day. I drank a lot to mask my feelings. It became almost impossible to exist normally. I knew I had speak out, to be honest, and not to lie anymore. So I did and it was hell. Most of my friends disowned me, and I could see how much I had hurt my children. There were some very dark days. The divorce was hard but my ex worked with me towards a fair end. My kids are still not happy. I work very hard to make sure they know that I love them but they have circled around their mother. I get that. So of course the question must be asked; was it worth it? And I will answer with an emphatic YES! We were married two years ago and after a year she has immigrated to be with me in the States. I have never been happier. I wake up every day knowing how lucky I was to find true love. It isn't perfect but I continue to find ways back into my children's hearts. And they can see that their dad is happy. And there you have it. Today is our second anniversary. I am 58 years old. And I am blessed.

Dr Helix wrote:I'll share a bit of mine. I wasn't in a "bad" marriage. We had been together for over twenty years, liked each other and were raising two children. But I wasn't in love. Really had never been. I accepted that and let it go, but it was working on me. I found interests to take up my time but they didn't make me happy. Then I went to Burning Man and met the love of my life. Let me be clear on this; I could have met her in a dozen other places and still the connection, the love would have happened. I didn't need the Burn to know how I felt about her. And when I got home, everything started to change in my outlook. She live far away so we could only correspond or telephone. And you would think after the glow of being together, that our feeling might fade. But they didn't. They grew stronger and stronger. And I knew that no amount of "work" was going to change how I felt. I began to feel more anxious every day. I drank a lot to mask my feelings. It became almost impossible to exist normally. I knew I had speak out, to be honest, and not to lie anymore. So I did and it was hell. Most of my friends disowned me, and I could see how much I had hurt my children. There were some very dark days. The divorce was hard but my ex worked with me towards a fair end. My kids are still not happy. I work very hard to make sure they know that I love them but they have circled around their mother. I get that. So of course the question must be asked; was it worth it? And I will answer with an emphatic YES! We were married two years ago and after a year she has immigrated to be with me in the States. I have never been happier. I wake up every day knowing how lucky I was to find true love. It isn't perfect but I continue to find ways back into my children's hearts. And they can see that their dad is happy. And there you have it. Today is our second anniversary. I am 58 years old. And I am blessed.

Thank you very much for sharing. I'm going through something similar (though less extreme). Nice to hear some encouragement to stay the course . I'll give you a big hug if I see you on the playa this year.

"just two indecisive cowboys, trying to play a word game." - piehole"Just apply intelligence and discretion and you should be able to get away with just about anything." - Ugly Dougly

Leah and i knew each other prior to my marriage, and were good friends. As a matter of fact, I'd always had a thing for her. Anyway, in 07, we were having lunch, and I was telling her about my upcoming trip to Burningman. She expressed an interest, and said she would love to go. So I explained where we were camping, and how the city is laid out. She said she couldn't get there until Wednesday, as she had work. I left on Sunday, and told her I'd see her later in the week.

Well sure enough, she showed up on Wednesday. After she acquainted herself with the rest of our camp mates, we made dinner and prepared for a night in the city. As the sun rose, and in the middle of some deep conversations, I told her how I felt about her. She replied she felt the same. We spent the rest of the trip together.

Once we got home, we had to decide what we were going to do. I had to decide what I was going to do.

I had known for a long time I married the wrong person. And like Dr. Helix, let it go, and resolved myself to make it work. But I couldn't let the feelings go that I had experienced on Playa. Surely I couldn't feel like that in the default world....

Or could I?

We continued our friendship, and tried to ignore the feelings that were building up between us. But after a few months, we decided that ignoring those feelings wasn't going to work. So I had to tell my wife.

The ensuing shit storm was epic. I lost all of our mutual friends. My parents were beside themselves. I tried to explain it to my mom, but she wouldn't even hear me. The divorce was nasty. Since we had a son, the custody battle was also huge. My visitation was limited, and I had to move out. It was my house, but since I dropped a bomb on my wife, and effectively destroyed my family, I figured it was the least I could or should do. So I couched surfed, and stayed with Leah. This went on for about 6 months, until my now ex wife moved out, and took my son with her.

After the divorce, things settled down, and Leah moved in with me. I was destroyed financially, and had to pretty much start over. The divorce, coupled with the economic downturn, just about did me in. The only upside was that my settlement to her was based on my current earnings at that time. Still, it was a hefty check to write....

Another court battle got me the custody I was after, and we were finally able to move forward.

To this day the ex won't speak to me, even though she remarried quickly, and had several more children. While I am ok with it, I am sure our son is wondering what's happening, and that it will have a negative effect on him.

Was it worth it? Yes. But my actions hurt someone I cared about, and I feel bad about that. Still, I am much happier with Leah, and I think that had I stayed in my marriage it would have ended anyway at a later time.

I had one back in 2000... lady who worked for a friend of mine at the time, that he had a crush on, but he was (and is) married.Well, [this boring detail, that boring detail] happened, and she and I ended up together. We kept it up back home, and it was a shitstorm. My friend, (her boss) was super jealous and pissed, fired her, (later rehired her) and wasn't so happy with me; we didn't understand what the fuck - we were the two single ones, we could do what we wanted! He was the already-married one, living with his wife. But playa romance can be blinding. This fine woman turned out to be a real train wreck, pathological liar, serious alcoholic, druggie bitch who had made up just about every detail about her life. The puzzle began cracking pretty quickly. She actually dumped me, trashing me to all our friends in the process, telling me how I'd ruin her life, I was a loser, had nothing to offer, etc. The truth was the exact opposite, so I was pretty pissed off. The last time I saw her was in a courtroom. She'd been arrested for extremely drunk driving and had put someone in the hospital in the crash.Since it was a public proceeding, I decided to attend, dressed in a very nice suit, sitting up front. She was in a stylish jumpsuit, with a metal bracelet attached to a few of her new roommates. I left it at that.

GreyCoyote: "At this rate it wont be long before he is Admiral Fukkit."

Captain Goddammit wrote:The truth was the exact opposite, so I was pretty pissed off. The last time I saw her was in a courtroom. She'd been arrested for extremely drunk driving and had put someone in the hospital in the crash.Since it was a public proceeding, I decided to attend, dressed in a very nice suit, sitting up front. She was in a stylish jumpsuit, with a metal bracelet attached to a few of her new roommates. I left it at that.

That is some crazy shit. And I thought I had it bad licking my wounds over a bruised heart and ego.

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.” ― Peter F. Drucker

Dr. Pyro wrote:From my observations over the years, too many people mistake playa lust for playa love.

I think for me it is a case of both. If it were just pure lust....maybe it would not hurt so much....I also need more time to pull my head out of my ass about my whole BM experience.

Romantic Love busts more butts than any one thing in human affairs. (Experience and observation speaking) I think on that a lot and wonder why? Sometimes I think it's because we often, due to many societal and cultural reasons, fail to make deeply soulful connections with our fellow tribesfolk but maybe there's more to it than that. Sure has something to do with hormones/chemicals too.

I've only failed at love and it's left me on my own and having to make my way alone. It's not the path I had envisioned for myself but I'm resigned to it and find ways to still have a pretty good life. My dogs are a major part of that and just a couple of very dear friends. But since this romantic dream of fulfillment starts very early in life it never completely fades out and will inform my life right to the end. It was those fucking romance fairy tales my mom read me when I was just a tike. I never was cut out to be prince charming. Thanks mom. I'd say it's mostly just smoke and mirrors but there are some very nice success stories out there even if in the minority.