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The Myth of the Lonely Old Man

Is loneliness a disease that necessitates a cure? If men could be made to believe so, think of the potential profit to be made from, and the potential for manipulation of, men. The real test for a man is how he lives with himself, alone. Precious few men ever truly allow themselves to be alone and learn real independence and self-reliance. The vast majority of guys (see Betas), particularly in western culture, tend to transition from mother to wife with little or no intermission between. For the most part they subscribe to the feminine imperative, becoming serial monogamists going from LTR to LTR until they ‘settle’ without ever having learned and matured into how to interact as an adult.

The fear of loneliness is entirely too exaggerated in modern western romanticism. The popularized fear-mythology of becoming the “lonely old man who never loved” is the new ‘old maid’ myth made popular in an era when a woman’s worth was dependent upon her marital status and (at least now) equally as false a premise. But in our brave new ‘Generation AFC’, men (who’ve become women) are repackaged and shamed into believing this horse-shit as part & parcel of feminized gender role reversal. And thus we get Speed Dating and eHarmony and a host of other “conveniences” to pacify the insecurities that this reversal instills.

I’m going to suggest that most AFCs, most feminized, conditioned males, LIKE and embrace the lonely old man myth because it is a Buffer against potential rejection. Does that sound like a stretch? It shouldn’t. When used from a feminized perspective this myth is most certainly a ‘shaming’ social convention with the latent function of getting men to commit to a feminine frame – “you better change yourself soon, or your soulmate might pass you by and you’ll be lonely and desolate in your old age”. That’s the feminized use of the myth, however, the internalized AFC use of the myth is a Buffer. This then becomes his rationale for settling for a substandard LTR or marriage.

It’s really a triple whammy. There is the feminine reinforced fear of solitude. Then, the self-reinforced expectation of maturity or “doing the right thing”. And finally the use of it as a convenient retreat from rejection or potential rejection; and this is what I’m getting at when I refer to it as a Buffer.

Case example: I have a friend who is trapped in a passionless marriage with a woman, who’s set the frame from day one. He’d like to come off as dominant with his male friends, but it’s clear to most of our friends that his wife runs the marriage framing. Prior to meeting this girl our friend was a serial monogamist branch swinger. The LTR girl he’d been with prior to her ran the show in much the same way for almost 5 years. When he was finally freeing himself from her (with a bit of my own help), he started to see the value of being single and independent and began dating non-exclusively for about a 3 month period. After meeting his now wife he gradually tried to find suitable ways to withdraw and become exclusive. Knowing what our reaction would be, he began searching for all kinds of rationale to effect this – and settled on the myth of the lonely old man.

His story was the classic one where a guy shakes off his old ways of thinking about women and dating, and almost unplugs from the Matrix, but fails to kill his inner AFC and slides back into his old Beta mentality once he’d secured another ‘soulmate’. Here was a guy who’d spent more than half of his 20s in a miserable LTR who managed to briefly unplug for about 3 months before latching onto another ONEitis. Yet his reasoning was “I’m tired of the dating games. I need to settle down. I don’t want to be lonely when I’m 60.” This from a guy who’d only ever been single for 3 months of his life. It was his Buffer. Of course now he’s resentful and pensive about his marriage and lives life vicariously through his single friends, while at the same time self-righteously scolds them for still being single.

The Myth of the Lonely Old Man is a Buffer against rejection. It’s hiding in (settling for) relationships they’re told they must constantly work to perfect, because of the fear of potential rejection. In fact, they’re pre-set in this idea while still single – they see it as a valid reason and a desirable goal; get married quick, before it’s too late. What’s worse is that the rationale is unassailable. The foundation of the myth is associated with maturity, and who’s going to tell you not to be more mature? This is how we get the Peter Pan social convention women like to trot out; “He’ll never grow up!” The problem is that this lack of maturity is only paired with a Man’s willingness to commit or not to commit to their long term provisioning goals.

Don’t buy into the powder-puff idea that if you don’t find your mythological soulmate ONE by the time you’re 30 and ASAP you’ll tempt fate and risk a life of quiet desperation. This contrivance only serves the interests of women who’s imperative it is to enjoy their party years in their 20′s with as many Alphas as they can attract and have a stable Nice Guy who’s petrified he’ll live a life of loneliness and desperation waiting for them at 28-30 to marry and ensure their long term security.

Don’t buy this lie. The man who is comfortable with himself and confident in his true independence is the one that women will want to be associated with and to share in it. How you handle being alone and what you do with the opportunities that freedom allows is the real measure of a man. If you’re single and 50 you STILL have options if you’re only brave enough to explore them. I know divorced men in their 50s who’re dating mid 30s women right now and I know men in their 60s who’ve been trapped and emotionally blackmailed by their wives for 30 years. Mariage is no insulation from the sexual marketplace.

Painful as it is, I have to agree grudgingly with this. Took me a long time to accept it after I read something like it first at Heartiste. The simple fact is that a wife can divorce a husband for any reason, or no reason at all, and suffer next to no judgment for it. In fact many times she finds it in her physical and financial interest to do so.

What befalls the husband who finds himself suddenly involuntarily single again? A return to his teen years of forced involuntary celibacy? Or will he have the game to shake it off and return to a fulfilling dating life?

It’s a very tragic scenario when a guy who’s bought into the Lonely Old Man myth finds himself single after the divorce from a wife he’d hoped to grow old with. Especially for the 50+ men who have the rug pulled out from under their fantasy.

After a lifetime of AFCness, and more than a decade of psychological warfare in my marriage, I so look forward to this time of peace and self-exploration. There is great freedom in realizing that I have no need for a woman, ongoing in my life, ever again.

“The case of the “Lonely Old Man” is nothing more than projection by women onto men.”

Took the words right out of my mouth.

Any time I have heard this from a woman I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was projecting her fear of loneliness on me. The shame of it is that a lot of men (being the true romantic suckers) don’t have the wisdom or the options to be able to see through it so they tend to believe it. And then of course it is very convenient to adopt as a buffer, as Rollo mentioned.

Feminism tells women that being an “independent woman” is an admirable goal, but underneath the hard asses career girl EVERY woman is deathly afraid of dying alone. When they are no longer sexually viable enough to secure intimacy from a man, what do women do? They turn to cats. Gotta have SOMETHING to project their love onto (and imagine that it is being reciprocated).

I know two men in their 40s, around my age. One was married 15 years, the other 17 years. Both have children. In both cases, their wives divorced them after being “unhappy” for a number of years; one even saying she had realized a few months into the marriage she had made a mistake.

These men face dark days ahead. They are good men, but they had no game and thus could not adopt and project strong frames in marriage. And now they lack the mental and spiritual strength to sack up and move forward alone. They don’t understand female psychology. They don’t understand what they must do to avoid repeating the same mistakes that caused them to marry the wrong women, or caused their wives to fall out of love with them. I’ve tried to impact some knowledge, but I don’t know how well it’s sinking in.

“The popularized fear-mythology of becoming the “lonely old man who never loved” is the new ‘old maid’ myth made popular in an era when a woman’s worth was dependent upon her marital status and (at least now) equally as false a premise.”

You guys all sound like single women on Valentines Day. Are you going to adopt kids and become single fathers as well? Guys, I know rejection hurts, I’ve been there, but come on leave the “i don’t need a spouse, im independent” self-denial crap to the aging single moms.

This is where something I read a while ago can come into play. A couple got married and one of the fathers gave them a $50,000 gift, or something like that anyway. The catch was they had to sign a contract that said if one of them cheats or files for divorce, then the other person gets the money. After something like 20 years the money would be “vested” and they could finally use it. It’s basically marriage insurance and gives a spouse who had the rug pulled out from under them a way of paying for their divorce expenses and giving them a nice windfall so they can rebuilt their life after everything has settled.

For most couples a nice sum like that is a complete fantasy, but that doesn’t mean they can’t build a similar nest egg via a prenup. Each contributes an equal amount every month into a fund they’ve contractually agreed will not be withdrawn from until 20 years or if the other person breaks their marriage vows.

Men and women age very differently. Men get better and better IF they do it right. It’s all about confidence. Without it you surrender to fear and succumb to the propaganda of the mob.

I was lucky – My dad used to tell me all this when I was growing up.

‘Don’t be in a rush to settle down, it’s not in your interests’
‘Put money in your bank and don’t ever let a woman get access.’
‘Marriage benefits women much more than it benefits men’
‘You can settle with a much younger woman when you’re in your 40s if you really must’.

I see lads settling down in their 20s with girls close to their age who are already past their best. Fools. They don’t know their own potential.

Due to my own personal experiences I must respectfully disagree with this essay. Thirteen years ago I experienced divorce, loss of children, alienation from children, and loss of career due to layoff and age discrimination all within the span of a year. Since that time I’ve been treated like human flotsam by a culture that values youth and conspicuous wealth above all else. My opinions are no longer welcome, much less respected. I’m treated like an old fool and I’m only 58 years of age. I have zero friends and people avoid me. The overall, unrelenting experience of it has literally taken a man who was once vibrantly positive and turned him into an angry hermit. For the last several years I’ve passed my time riding a touring bicycle from one coast to another, repeatedly, in an effort to both escape my past and avoid what I’ve come to view as an inevitable future. Being alone past the age of 50 does indeed force a man to confront himself. I’ve made peace with all my demons. But being forced to live in solitude for well over a decade will make even the best of men resentful and cynical. I feel that for the remainder of my life I’ve been sentenced to solitary confinement for a crime of which I’m unaware.

Bull crap. The man who has the most material wealth is “the one that women will want to be associated with…”. This goes back 10,000 years or more when the man who had the most goats or cattle in the village was the most popular with women or 100,000 years ago when the best hunter in the clan group was the most popular. We’ve simply substituted goats, cattle and fresh meat with money. Extremely pragmatic fact, but it is what it is.

I’m not going to try to psychoanalyze you based on your post. Because much of your post is passive and receptive (things happen to you, you receive the actions of others), consider whether this passive, reactive–now, maybe bitter–impression you’ve given me is true of you.

The passive, reactive, bitter guy is going to long for someone to fix his world. By doing so, you’re depriving a woman of her emotions and desire.

You’re a man. Men are built to do hard things. You have endured and suffered, but your hard things are not yet done. Maybe it’s time to stop being life’s sparring partner and start trading blows. Start 1:10 and work to 1:1 (punches delivered, punches received.) Your next target is 10:1.

Yes, this is all vague and insubstantial–but consider if it’s only so to you because your mindset is one that readily dismisses a call to action for whatever reason.

I did not, nor do I, passively allow people to wreck my life. It was done “legally” in divorce courts, custody hearings, enforced garnished wages to the point of bankruptcy and loss of property and a system of laws that favor employers over employees while refusing to enforce age discrimination laws already on the books. Of the 376 fellow workers laid off by my former employer, all were over the age of 45 years. For three years I mailed resumes, worked the phone, worked my network, etc ad nausea to no avail. Not a single interview.

My ex-wife remarried a registered sex offender and convicted pedophile fresh out of prison and moved him into the home of my three little girls where he promptly went about the business of molesting them. He’s now doing 10 years in a state penitentiary. When I became too vocal with state government about their complicity in giving a registered pedophile access to my children by selling him a marriage license and demanded custody, they silenced me by tripling my child support and reducing me to homelessness.

It was all done “legally” by various levels of government utilizing their “resistance is futile” philosophy of governance. What was it the French philosopher said? “Laws are nothing more than old tired mules which may be set to whatever tasks their masters desire.”

At the end of the day government in this country is nothing more than a self-sanctioned, insatiable revenue whore and your “rights” and the basic concepts of human decency are a bitter joke. The final insult is then to be treated as a “failure” and shoved off to one side by a society that derives its values from the hyper-reality of shallow materialism and endless consumerism.

I am the same man at $10K per year I was at $176K per year. I refuse to be treated any differently. Your society can go straight to hell.

You better wake up, Sir. Your advice of not being passive and trading blow-for-blow is meaningless when your opponent is big government and the stakes involved are your children vs. revenue for the state or a 25 year-old job applicant vs a 50 year-old one.

It can happen to anyone in this country. It’s happening to thousands at this very moment as I type these words. You all better wake up.

I would like to add an additional thought: I find it extremely amusing when I read statements by American law enforcement that they’re “concerned” over the radicalization of American Islamic youth by Muslim extremists. These young Muslims represent only a miniscule fraction of the population and pale by comparison to the number of Americans being “radicalized” by American government itself.

When a government adopts the attitude that citizens are nothing more than state-owned revenue resources to be dealt with as pleased, then that government sounds the death-knell of its own demise. When it uses armed Police to enforce its position it only hastens the inevitable.

The people of Egypt, Syria, Tanzania, Saudi Arabia, etc. have been giving the world a pristine example of what it means to truly hold government accountable. How much more time must pass before Americans get off their over-sized asses and do the same?

The lonely old man … yes, I suppose I could qualify for that label. And I don’t see anyone to blame but myself. It was my choices that led me here, especially the choice that led me to provide for my mother’s comfort in her old age rather than looking for a wife and children for myself. I bought Mom the house that I’ve lived in alone, for the ten years and five days since she went West.

But I see myself as more of an ‘alone’ old man … and not quite all as ‘old’ as that, being 58. Never married, no children, my last romance was in 1985 (encounters since then have been paid prostitutes, and not many of them at that.) I don’t want a wife, I don’t want children, I don’t think I’m worth fucking, and I don’t figure the momentary pleasure is worth the damnable cost.

I have one last ‘family obligation,’ seeing to it that my aunt has as good a last year or two as can be managed. She has dementia, but it’s not the bad-natured kind; she might last another year. And when she goes West, I’m heading South, planning to sail around the Islands and maybe follow Tennyson’s Ulysses and Sail Beyond The Sunset.

In times past, affluent families did not consider their offspring educated until they had lived a couple years in another culture. They believed, and I concur, that no one understands his own culture until he has lived in another culture and noted the differences between them, and the reasons for those differences. Much of what we assume is universal truth is no more than our own cultural beliefs.

I have learned much about the US culture while living in rural Mexico these past years.

Or in some cases, finally grasped what should have been obvious all the time.

A few months ago, I understood something that was obvious all the time, but I never fully understood it.

IN THE USA, THE CULTURE HATES OLD MEN. IN FACT, EVEN OLD MEN HATE OLD MEN.

I learned this because in rural Mexico, the culture does not hate old men.

A couple examples. In the US, if an old man can’t hear well, he is told, “Get a hearing aid, you old fool!” In other words, he must do whatever is necessary to hear the same people he worked for years to feed and educated; they cannot be bothered.

In Mexico, people move closer and speak louder and more slowly. They make it their own responsibility to communicate with him.

Another example is at times older men will get hit on by young Mexican women. And, yes, I well know the difference between gold-diggers, and hypergamous women who are truly attracted to older men of education and not too ugly. I estimate maybe 5% of young rural Mexican women are attracted to older men. I mean even men of my age, which is obviously 70.

This would never happen in the US.

On men’s blogs and boards, at times even younger men make very derogatory remarks about older men.

In case my point is not obvious, old men are alone, and sometimes lonely, because old men are hated. No one wants them around in the USA.

Come on down! Here, if you are thin and healthy, and not totally hit by the ugly stick, you can be surrounded by young people. I am married, and if my wife precedes me in death, I fully expect to take a young woman, perhaps an unwed mother with one child, not a repeat offender. Or a young widow with very young children who will not have problems accepting me into their lives.

I realize not everyone has the personality traits needed to expat. But, many men can do it if they are courageous. Why take the Bravo Sierra old men encounter in the USA?

Randy Clark, I am enjoying watching the keyboard psychologists pick-apart your life story with their institutionalized life experience. Did they forget you’re a man with 58 years on this planet, and you might have a thing or two to say about the real world?

All that aside, I’d like to tell you I’m half your age (28) and in the same boat. Not by exact terms, but I often tell myself that If I don’t pull something together I should expect a long life of not having a partner. Sure there are all kinds of methods to meet women, but when we look at the results of life, and the few loop-holes men must jump into to be ‘noticed’ we realize that on some levels, it seems a lot of women are going after one thing.

I’m not going to dismiss what you say as anything. I am a solo man and I do things out of life that give me great joy and peace. Lonliness kills so it’s important I try to get out and interact with strangers, regardless of if I have anyone to come home to. I would be willing to exchange emails and maybe we can solve this riddle, young to old, and help each other out on different experiences;

Wether we like it or not, we may find ourselves facing the dillema of sudden loneliness, be it our wives leaving us, not having a social circle, losing a job or anything. I’ve experienced it all; (Never married) – I am truly flying solo in this world; so a healthy self love and reminding myself I’m “Ok” – and just a man is what gets me through the day.

Besides, nobody really knows who you are and how you got here at face value anyway; and if anyone is to judge, they’re not worth knowing. Years of alliances among modern men are built upon the superficial details and status quo. One solo pigeon to another, keep flying. Be a man, take what you can, and do what you gotta do.

I’m 51 and never married with no children but I have had 3 long term relationships in my adult life. After one LTR ended (8 years) I was 42 and started to go out socially.

What a revelation! Lots of women wanted to know me (in the Biblical sense also) – but none were in the same situation as me. They were divorced with children and some thought I must be gay, being single, childless and a white collar work history (apparently truck drivers, coal miners and construction workers are the only hetero men). Even when I explained my life experience they usually suspected me of lying about some thing or other. And then there were the married women trying to seduce me – far more common than I ever thought! I didn’t take any bait though.

Now I am alone. Not enough in my bank account to interest them anymore I guess. Learned a lot in those years and am determined never to make the same errors again.

The preconceived ideas persist, even from other older men. So I remain a third-class citizen in most people’s eyes,even my own family.

Ralph, same age as you, never married, no children, had some long-term relationships that didn’t pan out. I’ve been given the female imparative stuff that since I don’t have kids or have been divorced, something is wrong. I decided — thanks much to Rollo’s writings on the SoSuave site and this site — to march forward in life with courage and not apologize for who I am.

I have plenty of hobbies and friends that keep me busy. I’d certainly like to be dating higher quality women than I have of late, but that’s what this site is for, among many things. I like how Rollo points out that a man shouldn’t apologize for himself to appease a woman. Thanks Ralph (and Rollo) for the writing.

seems to me like the key to aging is traveling knowing whats out there. (asia, ee, and latin america are great for older men younger women relationships) keeping in shape and keeping your mind sharp. and to make sure you have some coin saved up in your later years. maybe there are more elements to this forumla but that this is the basics to enjoying old age as a bachelor

I was sent the Lonely Old Man just this afternoon which I found played heavily on my current state of depression and anxiety (for which I am undergoing counselling). I Googled the title as is my habit and found this article. Many thanks for cutting through the gloom in my perspective.

Wow, if nothing else, those that read the comments should be reminded that at any age, you can be left behind. I’m 51, was married 15 years, separated 2, divorce in final throws – 3 Kids, all teenagers. I have been out of work, over employed, under employed. I married late – about 32.

My life was was typical of those my age and believed that marriage was the end, the search was over, wife, kids, house, couple cars, 401K – also, debt, several financial problems, bankruptcy, ups and downs. But I didn’t think that one day my wife would say “why are you so angry at me, why do you hate me, I can’t live like this”. And then leave with my kids.

But now, about 2 years after that event. And jumping through hoops to “get her back” – I’ve come to the decision that my life is best served for me rather than anyone else. Including any “young bulls” that believe they know more than I do about my life and how best to live it. I make a good wage, but could loose my job tomorrow – there are not guarantees – but my mind is still sharp, I have some great ideas that I know will work if I only put a bit of time into them.

I workout – I life weights – I dropped weight (both on my mind and my body) – I love my kids and even love my STBXW – BUT, they are not MY LIFE – they are merely part of it. MY LIFE is bigger than one person, or one job, or one anything. Andy Defraine said it perfectly “Get busy living, or busy dying”. Loneliness is a state of mind – regardless of age. And the loneliest feeling is to be with other people and be completely disconnected from them – I felt that with my wife, I would have preferred actually being alone.

Rock on bothers. You are the warriors of a new age. You are forged from steel. Revel in your innate abilities to mold your world, to see things that have never been done, and accomplish great things. Old or young does not matter, only strength of will and bold action in the fact of doubt. We are world makers – that is our legacy and our future. Never doubt it.

My 17 year marriage ended at 42 , I have always been the nice guy. So did my church attendance, so did my rule book. Lost everything house, podiatry business, car, kids didnt speak to me, abandonded by my friends, sanity questioned. I was the ultimate feminized male.

Something had snapped in me I no longer gave a damn. I remember walking into a night club with a woman on either arm and thinking ‘life is not over’. I attended art college, had a series of superb if somewhat unbalanced relationships, I discovered my body and what women wanted in bed. I was shocked appauled and realing from the experiences I was having. I pissed off a lot of women as I refused to be ‘normal’ ie owned. I regualrly dated 30 somethings and enjoyed every moment and still do. I have just turned 50. Am solidly single. Lonely? I wish. But in the background the fear was knawing at me. Am I being shallow? Am I missing out on a committed relationship. Something must be wrong having this much of a great time with fascinating women and on my own despite having virtually no income. Is this some kind of extended ‘mid-life crisis’? Or is this a guil-trip female trick us with. There is a certain age your supposed to not be enjoying rock guitar or working out or riding a large motor cycle. Is the idea of a Mid life crisis a way of negatively labeling guys who maybe get that its all a stupid game they no longer want to be a part of? I have only just read about red pill thinking. It seems as though I has swolled it some time ago. Moments of fear did make me want to spit it out, guilt trip friends more so. No Longer Thank you for writing this. I have much to learn.

Just one question? I have been reading ‘the manipulated man’ I’m starting to question if I ever want to be near a female again….do you guys ever wonder why we bother at all?

No matter what his age, women of our gloriously dysfunction society have assured that any single man worth having will be sought after by women 2/3 his age.

Period; without exception.

Women are taught that divorce is always an option, only to find out the security they seek is had by making marriage the ultimate risk for a man.

This is woman’s doing.

…and Alphas don’t buy it.

Thus many women seek the desirable man because they have the idiotic idea that they can trap and tame him.

Let them think so…for a while. Such is a useful tool for the discerning man.

Just never marry, and never get a woman pregnant.

The downside to this is obvious of course. Men have no need for women other than love. We are hardwired to desire true love because nature could give us no viable reasons for staying with and protecting a woman in the wild.

But you live in the modern world Sir, and as sad as it is, there is always the aforementioned upside that the Alpha can exploit fully.

Many men are nodding their heads about now.

I am not here to speak of morals, just my truth.

Life has taught me that whereas most (most) women pretend love, many do not.

So take great care to not bruise the innocent in your travels.

As for the women that preach commitment after 6 months and marriage within a year…

Next.

But between now and then, let them think that they can hook you with a little more bait.

Am I evil? Perhaps, but I do not seek to steal from any woman that which she has earned.

Men think they can trap and tame a woman but anyway, when men get older, every single woman worth having will be sought after by men twice her age. Roles don’t reverse since we live in a world with lots of men available.

Women in American society are programmed to consider that relationships with older men much younger than themselves are wrong. This false ideology has created segregation of people based on age. Everyone has their internal desire for the type of person they desire to be with and to ask them to compromise this is like asking cats not to chase mice. I prefer to be with a woman that is very beautiful slim and attractive. Unfortunately in todays society the likelihood of finding such a woman that isn’t a gold-digger is indeed very rare. This however is not the fault of older men desiring to be with someone they desire to be with. It is the fault of gold-digging women that adopt an ambition of exploiting older men for their money that come to them with sincerity. So what options do older men have that desire to be with an attractive woman that will generally be much younger than they are? Escort services, Prostitutes, foreign marriage websites; all of which resemble the “Gold digger”, ideology.
Isolating segregating people for their age is a social illness that plagues our society just as wrong as race discrimination. It is injurious and forces people to accept criminal alternatives to fulfill their natural human desire and instinct for love, companionship and intimacy. I have spent thousands of dollars trying to find the woman of my desire and for the past 9 years have been alone fighting the urge to have to resort to criminal alternatives to normal relations for lack of being able to find a woman of my desire in our society. The sad part is that everyday I see beautiful women struggling in life with a younger mate that cannot support or care for them. They choose to live this kind of life though. it is very frustrating life for me as I have so much to offer someone both financially and emotionally.

“Feminism tells women that being an “independent woman” is an admirable goal, but underneath the hard asses career girl EVERY woman is deathly afraid of dying alone.”

Are you that every career women are afraid of dying alone,they could easily adopt a child or have sex with some guys to get a child to accompany them in old age,you know..

“When they are no longer sexually viable enough to secure intimacy from a man, what do women do? They turn to cats. Gotta have SOMETHING to project their love onto (and imagine that it is being reciprocated)”

What about the men? Surely they would get old and no longer to sexually viable enough eventually?Who are they turning to?

The smartest men like me of course, got a job in Asia. I’m remarried now but before that I had many significantly younger women to choose from. Every man I know who wants a woman has one. You guys in the states do not know what you are missing.

what are the options for a divorced (wife’s affair) guy in his late 50’s? In good shape, healthy, successful, full head of not-gray hair, etc etc. BUT, up until finding sites like Rollo’s a couple of years ago, was a lifelong beta-white-knight. Won’t do online dating, won’t do speed dating. Is such a man in the LOM phase or does he have options? Opinions anyone?

I was single between the ages of 23 and 32. Prior to that period in my life, I regularly hooked up with women. Could pick them up (fairly) easily – mainly to the fact that I have always been overtly masculine and good looking. Despite that, I had no ability to keep them b/c I would get Oneitis so easily. At 23 I became a Christian and then embarked on a decade of celibacy. Finally after being tired of being alone I grabbed the nearest Christian girl I could find and married her. She was looks wise and socially much lower than my SMV but b/c my Frame was so weak she actually was the stronger one in the relationship. She quickly tired of me and upon flimsy pretexts (porn usage = adultrey) divorced me. It was after she left me, that I discovered the Red Pill. Despite my Christian faith I heartily embraced a lifestyle of fornication. For awhile, it felt good to madly and aggressively fuck hot women with no desire whatsoever to commit. Finally I knew my self worth and realized I didn’t need a relationship with a women to be happy. My world went from scarcity to abundance. This in turn allowed me to have high standards for what women was going to have a relationship with me in the future . Well after a period of time living like this, I became convicted that the player lifestyle wasn’t compatible with my faith and had to end. As it was winding down and I was still spinning a plate or two I met my now second wife. She passed many of the tests that I had and I decided she was worth keeping. Its not all bliss but she’s been pretty good.One of the things that I continue to do to maintain my edge is to keep my friendships with my guy friends strong. Another is to always make a point of talking and very lightly flirting with hot women when I see them while I am out and about. By doing both of these things it gives me tremendous confidence to face any loss that I could potentially experience in my now current marriage. If she were to pass away or even (doubtfully) divorce me I know that my friends would be there for me and my game would still be razor sharp.

As men age, they will truly increase in their SMV and it will be men who pick which women they want to include in their lives. Don’t let anyone or anything (FI) tell you differently.

Women (and society) are always ready to shame a man at a moments notice for anything that doesn’t seem to “fall in line” with the “status quo”. The shaming of men dating younger women, the strong support of older women (cougars) dating younger men, men (only) having the “mid life crisis” etc, etc…are all meant to keep men in line with that imperative.

There is a reason why so many older men in society are seen as attractive (by many women of all ages) as they age and not the reverse. Men increase in value because of their overall value in all departments (not just looks). Yes, you’ll have a few exceptions to the rule (far and few between) but this rule stands true.

Oh boy! Randy has issues far beyond anything discussed above. My guess is he tried to do it all himself throughout life, painting himself into a corner from which there was no escape, except with the help of others, for which, by then, he was too proud to ask. Pride does truly goeth before the fall! Sorry, Randy, know your type and have little sympathy for that type.

After reviewinga and analyzing a lot on this site and in the comments, to me the first step in any RP recovery is to completely banish the notion of ONEITIS and its nasty little sidekick, Soulmate. Once you’ve seen that light, much of the rest falls into place more easily. If you can’t be rid of those demons, first, bitterness will take over, making recovery ever more difficult.

@Driver
“As men age, they will truly increase in their SMV and it will be men who pick which women they want to include in their lives. Don’t let anyone or anything (FI) tell you differently.”

Read this…written by Chris Okano

“I have spent thousands of dollars trying to find the woman of my desire and for the past 9 years have been alone fighting the urge to have to resort to criminal alternatives to normal relations for lack of being able to find a woman of my desire in our society.”

I have the 100 Seconal capsules ready for any minute. Yep, it is not a good life to be a man over 50 with no prospects for a better life. Had come from a fairly affluent and visible life to a less than affluent and invisible life. Makes me crazy to hear “oh, I cannot believe YOU are single, you just need to get out” Nah, it is better for me to go to sleep and not wake.

All women wanting alpha males is a myth too. Give me a kind and loving Beta ANY day of the week. I will treat him like a king. In my eyes, he will be MY Alpha! The heck with bad boys. Drama and games I do NOT need. As for age differences, if everyone is an adult it is no matter.

Well i can certainly Blame the women of today why a Good man like me Never got married because of the type of women that we have out there today which are Nothing at all like the Real Good old fashioned women were.

So true. After years of misery, 2 divorces and learning to be a good human being it is only now that having the best interest of others is a way of life. That for me could have only happened by disconnecting from trying to be the man she, whomever that was, wanted. Maybe now, maybe I can connect with someone in a productive, loving, meaningful way. Not as a controlled manipulated man but as a human being willing to share the joy of life.

In 50’s dating mid 30’s is nothing. My friends Dad (not that tall, or good looking, bald, quite well off but nothing spectacular etc) is 65 and seeing stunning 24/25 yr olds. I’ve also heard of guys in their 70’s dating 21 yr olds. Depends what you want to believe is possible. I’m 30 and dating a lot of 18 year olds, I dont see my ability to be able to do that changing in 10 years time.
I’m faced with this exact dilemma now. Ex girlfriend who’s 28, who I love dearly wants to get married etc. Do I go along with that and be a bitter frustrated old man or realise I am better off on my own as sad as that is. Or .. attempt to set up the frame of having best of both worlds. Who knows. But the thought of being on your own should never be a scary thing for a man.

I am a 27 f getting to know a 58 m. Never been married, never had kids. Last relationship, paid for bills equally, made similar income. Paying off house under BF’s name. Bf decides to lock me out of house one day as punishment for hanging out with girl best friend who I haven’t seen in 3 years (he knew I left my house keys) . Is it wrong for a girl like me to want security. Would I find that through marrige. Should I not get to know this 58 yr old m because I do wish to be married? I don’t like guys my age their all immature. I love this guys personality and I think he’s cute.

Just a couple of anecdotes here: I know two men who each lost their wives in their fifties to cancer. They at first embraced the idea of I’ll never marry again, having had close and fulfilling marriages and not feeling the need to replace their lost mates. For about ten years it worked fairly well, and they lived devoted to the idea of embracing their singlehood and “fooling around” (in one’s words) with occasional women who were in their lives By the age of 70, though, in each case drastic changes occurred in their lives and once they themselves needed care, their options pretty much disappeared in their lives, except as solicitous old friends or ex-lovers that offered help in almost a pitying sort of way. As one told me, “guys think it is going to go on forever, and then one day it’s all over” Both began drinking pretty heavily in their sixties and into their seventies, and one died as a result of slipping and falling when he was drinking. I should add that the one who had died told me (and he was a lover of many women), that people who think life is about anything other than relationships have it all wrong.” I agree that every human being needs to find the peace within, and with that comes a serenity at being alone. I also agree that being alone is much better than being in a relationship that you feel are settling in. But don’t disparage every man who wants one partner to be devoted as “beta.” That is childish. Look at nature…even birds are devoted to one mate and find love. It is an empty philosophy that you are promoting.

You’re basically telling men; “don’t tempt fate”. You’re lucky you outlived the two of those geezers. And those two had a great time of it too till it ended. But they ended it on their own terms. THAT is what it’s all about. Not being scared shitless into giving your time and effort over to a woman who thinks she can replace you with Hostess Snacks.

Also. All guys have to put their money where their mouth is at every stage of their lives. In the end, your geezers chose booze. They saw through you.

Read The Red Queen, you will find out just how ‘devoted’ most birds (particularly females) really are to their mates. You do realize the word ‘cuckold’ comes from a species of bird right?

Anecdotes is not the plural of ‘data’. The fact remains that men generally shift from mother to wife without ever learning to live on their own independence and the Feminine Imperative exploits this by reinforcing the idea that it’d be better to accept a post Wall carousel rider and his role in Hypergamy than to face some nebulous idea quiet desperation into his old age.

I’m 53 year old male never married no children so I think you are looked at differently by society. I was in a 10 year relationship that ended early this year.
I have decided not to look for love again I’m not prepared to put in the effort it requires for zero return. Finding someone who loves you as much as you love them I think is impossible and farcical. More chance of winning the lottery really at least you have a chance.
So it’s work sleep repeat and trying to not die of boredom in the down time. Good luck to you all for trying I tried but failed.
Marty

Marty
Don’t wish it where easier wish you where better. Try approaching it without an agenda and see what may happen. The world today is hard on many men because it’s easy to lose hope and put your hands in the air in defeat. It dosnt have to be that way. You can build a relationship on your own terms. You can create something for yourself that suits your own needs. Don’t give up on yourself. It’s all easy to sate over a computer screen and a lot to say the least. Of work to apply in person with the hardships and at times agonizing aspects of humans and emotional fullfillment. However the more you fail and get up the more you learn. Each part of a relationship is a lesson that has increased in stress and not decreased. But you can your self and story exclusively for you. You can develop a frame that incorporates all your passed errors into a strong mental awareness of your unique story.

Thank you for your positive words I’ll be ok I still have my aging parents to look after and keep me occupied but I know the day will arrive when they won’t be around.
I think what’s best for me will be working more then I won’t have as much time to be lonely.
Unfortunately society isn’t very kind to 50+ bachelors it wasn’t planned it just turned out that way.
I think if you are divorced it’s not looked at the same way.
Life goes on regards Marty.

Marty
The pain and agony of human vs family has always made me laugh. Mostly at myself for not looking at life for what it is. It’s a way for me to forgive and move on. My pain is a blessing. It reminds that you exist. That I am just a part of sown thing bigger. My agony is a lesson for a grandson. My family a lesson of a sick culture and society. Yet here I am alive breathing and typing these words of gratitude and love.

You will live Marty. Are loves and relatives will one day be no more. But every moment you see them make it as important as the last. Cherish them for their imperfections. Adore them with all your heart. When that day comes which it will. Breath in the moments that have meaning to your life. Don’t lose tract of your existence in the sorrow of their passing. I am struggling with this at the moment. But I must embrace whatever may come.
May you live Marty with now in this moment to the truth of your heart.

Great movie that I’ll get myself a ride in mower it could be fun.It has a lot of meaning thank you I do get on well with my small family thank goodness.
I’m just finding being on my own a little unrewarding and lonely.But I know I’ll get used to it accept it and learn to live with it but it could take a while.
Thank you for listening and your words of inspiration.
Regards Marty

Well said Danny alone is alone no matter how big the castle so true.I’ve given up the search for love and like you say what is the point of living without love but I’m alive at least to dream.
Regards Marty

Well i certainly blame the kind of women that are out there these days for that one since most of the women nowadays are so very pathetic losers altogether now since they have no respect for us men, a rotten personality, and no good manors at all either since there are many of us good innocent men looking for a good serious relationship today. And God forbid for many of us men trying to start a normal conversation with a woman that will attract us since they will be very nasty and mouth off to us and walk away as if nothing ever happened. Such very horrible women out there today unfortunately which i can certainly see why many of us men are still single today since it does take two too tango.

Once the trajectory of “normal” marriage is complete, women have a real advantage in divorce. They have completed their insticual mission. Men, on the other hand, are similar, if not older, but have the same need for companionship needs as at 30. Being comfortable alone is challenge but equally as satisfying as their counterparts. Be alone. Seek out equally lonely women. Have fun and quit bitching about it. Much love to all.

Men think they can trap and tame a woman but anyway, when men get older, every single woman worth having will be sought after by men twice her age. Roles don’t reverse since we live in a world with lots of men available.

How cute, you’re quite delusional aren’t you? Women out number men. We are the shortage, you are the surplus. Not the other way around, you fool.

I’m a 24 year old man and have been in only one serious relationship that lasted almost 3 years. I have been single for the past 4 years, and from what I can see I will stay this way for a long time, maybe even for the rest of my life. Starting to feel like a lonely old man already.

Keep your chin up. There are some basics you need to get right, and at your age it may seem like things suck but they really don’t.

At 49 I’ve been through a lot of women marriages and divorces, and it gets easier. If you stay in shape and get your act together they fall at your feet later in life. You definitely will not be a lonely old man if you have your shit together.

There is a lot of ground to cover to explain it all, and you’ve found your way here which is a good place to be.

Most change is within your power. Confront what needs to be changed and do it.

50% of the planet is filled with women, they are literally everywhere, and they all want to fuck the best man they can get.