I need to really change myself for the better. It’s good that I want to improve. I don’t want to be artificial anymore. I don’t want to or need to seek attention from friends or teachers or anyone at all. Allah made me with utmost perfection. I just need to be that which he made me. I just need to be myself, my real self. No fraud. No lies. No masks. No unnecessary shows of any superimposed feelings. And if Allah has given me the strength to face difficulties alone, (which He has Alhamdulillah) without involving anyone else then that too is an essence of my personality. I don’t ever want to give it up, don’t ever need to give it up, not even for the entire attention or counseling I can get from my friends or teachers…
With that said, I think it’s okay to be strong. It’s okay to handle your problems alone. It’s okay to not have someone you can share everything with. It’s not a must-needed thing in life. In fact, I would say it’s better to be on your own. I’m not saying don’t have friends. I’m saying make friends. Keep friends. Nurture old and new friendships. But don’t, I repeat, don’t depend on them to solve your problems---to always lend you help, to always go the extra mile for you, to always be there for you, to comfort you, to always be able to understand you. Don’t expect so much from them. They are just humans. And so are you.
Yes, you need someone to do all the above mentioned tasks for you but it’s not your friends, or any other person for that matter. He’s the One and Only---Allah Almighty. He’ll be your friend. He’ll always be there for you. He’ll never ever let you down. He won’t ever let you go. So hold onto Him!
And if you have made a mistake in the past, forgive yourself for not knowing better, for not doing better, for being tempted. Ask forgiveness. Repent. And start anew. Start afresh. Start your new life with your real best friend--- Allah!