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ADD/ADHD News

September 13th 2001 - 11:00 GMT

The following article is by Dr. Steven Richfield and is reproduced here with his permission. Dr. Richfield is a child psychologist in Plymouth Meeting and is well known for his excellent Parent Coaching Cards, more details of which can be found at his website www.parentcoachcards.com

Helping Your Child Cope With The Terrorism Of September 11th

The recent terrorist attack has rattled our collective psyches and
shattered our children's' belief in the safety of our country.
Depending
upon their age and personality, children have differing needs to talk
and
learn about the events of September 11th. As a general rule,
elementary-aged
kids perceive life in narrower terms, preferring to focus on the
immediate
moments rather than the past or future. Thus the youngsters will have
less
need to talk and ask questions. In contrast, middle schoolers and
older teens
are likely to pursue a deeper understanding of the meanings and
implications
since their cognitive abilities thirst for answers to such horrific
acts of
violence. But even these developmental distinctions can fade in the
wake of
personality and predisposing factors. For example, a normally anxious
and
reflective 8 year old may need to process these events with parents
more
thoroughly than a detached and emotionally flat adolescent.

So what's a parent to do? The following points are offered for your
consideration with the caveat that your own knowledge of your child
can be
your best guide:

Supervise and manage the flow of information. Most parents are all
too
familiar with the emotional impact of the violent pictures that flash
across
the television after tragedies that take a human toll. Multiply that
impact
by ten and you have an idea of how the pictures of September 11th may
effect
some children. Therefore, if you decide to allow your child to watch
any news
broadcasts, sit by their side and periodically ask about their
thoughts and
feelings. For many children, the pictures have greater impact because
they
can be replayed in their minds whereas the words remain on an
auditory
level. Misinformation is another peril to consider. As children
discuss these
events among their friends and peers, they may hear deliberate
falsifications
or distortions of the truth. Prepare them for these possibilities and
encourage them to reveal what they've heard so that you can help them
separate fact from fiction.

Prepare for emotional fallout. Anger, frustration, confusion,
worry, shock,
anxiety, and so many other emotions too numerous to mention, are
going to
surface across the landscape of America. Help children understand the
links
between what they are feeling and what happened, as one middle
schooler told
his mother, "This never happened in my life before, I feel like I
have no
control over what is going on." When beliefs about the safety of air
travel,
tourist attractions, and life in America are so quickly altered,
children are
likely to ask some of the same questions that we ask ourselves, "What
if it
happened when we were there? What if we were on that plane?" Parents
can
explain how normal it is to have these questions but the answers are
too
painful to think about. Suggest that children turn their questions
into some
form of helping behavior for those who have been personally effected
by the
trajedies.

Be ready for the really tough questions. Suicidal terrorists
hijacking
domestic airplanes in order to kill large numbers of American
civilians may
have once been considered an "unspeakable act" but now must be
discussed
with our children, when appropriate. If your child is mature enough
to have
this conversation, be ready to attempt to make sense out of it for
him/her,
no matter how much it reeks of senselessness.
One way is to start the discussion by speaking of how people's
beliefs can be
so strong and one-sided that they act like blindfolds and make them
feel
justified in taking whatever action might fulfill their objectives.
Point out
the much greater margin of safety that still remains in their lives
no matter
how much their "emotional selves" may feel otherwise.
Suggest that it might help them to share some of their feelings with
trusted
friends, or alternately, invite a few friends and parents over to
discuss how
the incidents are effecting everyone. This can help your child
recognize the
benefit of expressing their feelings so that they don't become
internalized
in the form of anxiety or acted out in anger.

Translate the previously inconceivable. What your children learn in
the
coming days and weeks will be puzzling and burdensome to carry in
their
hearts and minds. Perhaps they will hear officials such as the
President
speak of freedom, punishment, and other loaded issues. One of our
jobs is to
place these statements in terms they can understand. Depending upon
their age
and readiness, point out cause and effect, lessons to be learned, and
how
different philosophies sometimes lead to conflict. Some parents may
use
these events as an opportunity to supply correct information about
the larger
issue of terrorism before kids come to conclusions based upon
misinformation.