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We all apparantly get born into something. Then after the world biased us we think we have solutions. Nobody remembers what we would have done if we wouldn’t gotten biased.

Yet it seems we can’t cause we need it to get through the world. It seems like we’re stuck but we don’t know it. Or we do not allow to look at it, bring it to our conscious cause we also depend on it.

Like cancer cells attack the body, these cells need healing, yet it spreads by the damage. Healing though is not perceived to be needed. This theme is in the golden child dynamic. Yet it needs energy to fill the void. It’s like an aritifical kept alive situation but feeling very alive and real at the same time as if nothing was wrong. Kinda the worst situation to be in if help is needed. If no energy is taken, the soul seems to attack the body and the same could be happening on the collective level. At the same time this is rather black and white thinking actually.

Then the energy giver get devalued as weak. But it could just be the human body trying to survive. Surely after you gave energy it affects your health and if you get too much it affects your ego.

Lower consciousness also seems natural for certain roles we take. Surely some of us provide food for example or whatever needs to be done so from this view there is no stupidty. But then it should never be like this. We all have our genius that we rarely get to but that we were meant to get to. Maybe such collective interaction is real and the only hope is to get aware of it to overcome our differences. But it doesn’t change the fact how absurd this world is. As serious as we may act fundamentally it’s really absurd.

Differences that are needed to cope, as if we do our best. Yet those differences also make it worse if such awareness is not there, Otherwise they could heal.

Yet we do think too much on the individual level and we maybe can rarely see what we may actually be doing. Maybe we are more in the same team than we think we are. It’s the perceptions we took that came with our position, a position that had to be taken cause that’s where we left off earlier.

It would be like not realizing we were in the same team is needed to hold everything together as we found it when we came here.

Just a thought.

edit: I think it’s not all like that. It’s not so much a healing thing actually although this theme is also there. One thought I had was that god at least in our sense, not universe wise, is the collective unconscious simply and not like all knowing but atst also all knowing but more like a plant that is growing. I mean it’s part of us and like another dimension simply, somebody says something and it has a deeper meaning and synchronicity things. Maybe something that is really just based upon waking up. Cause once it would be, the other layer wouldn’t be needed but it’s not so easy. So in that sense the world not seem so absurd. There is also a lot of bizarre love you could call it. Another metapher is water flowing around a stone parting as in polarities. But you know I have no idea 🙂 It won’t make you understand anyway I feel. It has something of passive life because we all have our thing to do anyway and unfortunately often can’t give ourselves the appreciation because of the different beliefs that are needed to kinda like a temporary shizophrenia of the collective unconscious cause I feel it simply doesn’t know yet. I mean wouldn’t it be absurd if there was an all knowing god who lets us go through so much struggle if he knew better. So we simply have like splitt parts of the human body and I feel the internet is needed also because of the added synchronicity. I mean there is something sleeping in our souls that’s for sure and it already expresses in so many ways as for example in inventing the internet. Often we also do something for reasons we think we would do but on the other dimension it has a complete different intention but we wouldn’t do it otherwise often. Also the thing with the mind is really a thing. Just because you sit somewhere and look at something, mindwise, you might be miles away from seeing it. And you can’t try cause it’s such a vague thing to do. Like being confident, you might know how to act confident but yeah atst sometimes it’s enough to believe when you dont remember for sure, but actually rather it’s gotto be something you can’t fake, although the faking isn’tnecc. so far away from how it actually is I mean like both, far and close.

They love playing games and pushing buttons. It’s good to know the games but then forget about it. What I found works well is if you take them for real and keep respect unless it gets too absurd. It is tempting to react to the communication under the radar in whatever way. But this is exactly where you gotto block. They hope you pick up on it and dock.

It is similar to being unconditioned to their stuff. As if you were naive. Just that it is too late for that. But it isn’t. You just block it out because you may have enough of it, find it lame. The one thing that may keep you from doing this is because you may feel you look dumb or so cause they really make it obvious and they know that you got it.

A mindset for that would be: I know you play games, I know your games. I’m tired of it. I chose to not let it happen in my reality. Effectively it is reverse gaslighting side-effecrt wise. This way you communicate higher vibe, just not with words cause they lead into games. And you would communicate that you know what they do but you find it lame yet atst that’s also a reaction which is rather subtle though.

On top of it you could even give them your reality, treating them with respect and genuine. Now to them you look like a huge fool, so don’t look at yourself through their eyes. It is about that we do need to express who we are in order to stay connected to ourselves. Since your communication includes at the basis “It’s lame” or “do not want+plus respect ” it loses its foolish touch when you would i.e. genuinely thank them for something. For some things this is better done assertively other things it may work being totally genuine. Who knows, this way they may even remember who they were or actually feel foolish for playing these games. One just doesn’t have to expect anything cause then you would get disappointed. It is all done from a mature attitude and framed like this.

Lets take an example:

You do know what *obvious thing* is do you? (often prior to that you asked them to explain something that didn’t make sense and now they attack to defend)

reaction 1: surprised, falls for the suggestion, playing dumb or justifying

reaction 2: Of course i do (biting back), maybe a mix of fear and anger, leads into their game

reaction 3: feeling attacked, hit but acting as if not…they realize that and take that as a hit/food

reaction 4: genuine unbiased anger or speaking up, deals with emotions, liberates, not always best choice but also underused

reaction 5: looking at them genuinely surprised because you set your mind to taking them for real and reply Of course with an understood intonation. But it doesn’t have anything of Are you stupid ? in a biting back way in it. It just makes them feel like it as a side-effect. They may think that you are actually playing them when you are not doing that.

You can see them being upset when something they tried failed, which is proof they tried it in case you were not sure.

Now it my sound easy but it takes practice and especially through imagination, situations from your past or anticipated ones. And I don’t recommend trying the genuine thing in the beginning. It just matters to block that under the radar communication. It includes things as not laughing when laughing would mean to get something underneath, then not to feel bad for not laughing and also to not fall for feeling like you play them and smile undernearth it. That would actually be them playing you then.

Surely it’s normal to communicate on both levels in fact the actual communication of course is between the lines BUT they have 2 different things on both channels. Well actually this can also be playful but they act as if they are not communicating on one channel, actually robbing one of the actual important interaction where you would otherwise feel eased up and trusting. And all that could go as healthy anger into the attitude to have counter energy.

edit: I’m gonna edit points that i feel intuitively are a confusion with # and things I am sure with * But please read it critically and check how it feels for you. That would also be something to comment and then i mean that is natural way of resolving confusion. Don’t just read things and take them for granted. I might sound convincing but you know, I’m only human. One thing is to have something right the other to express it right. Just here I meant that both applies 😉 So this is really a point why commenting is natural and I think many people mean that when they say on youtube leave a comment. But it expresses not the right way.

And yeah it reads very overthinking and the reason for that is that i get confused when I am zoomed in which happens by trying to put bigger pictures into words that also are not complete. So don’t overthink anything. It’s not good vibe 🙂

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I was wondering why is it so confusing and irritating when somebody says that.

First of all the question is what else are we if not ourselves. And I can only talk from my perspective, coming from a dysfunctional family from the so called scapegoat role I found myself throughout my life like 50 % myself with other biases and 50 % that role. It is like a constant struggle for me and some situations it is easy to be myself. Then I look back at situations where I stuggled and it’s all clear and I wished I could relived it and done it differently.

The main problem to me seems prejudice and lack of understanding but this way it also gets framed as a helpless situation depending on others. Anyway whoever gives you credit for just acting a certain way and then 10 seconds later after the two of you said bye being yourself realizing you just acted out something else or enabled. But the situation is more complicated since this enabling. It makes people not connect, the same people that could have a decent conversation when they met lets say on the beach drinking a beer on a summer evening or especially on holiday *. (not sure though if it is actually a problem)

But lets get to some potential solutions for this.

Well before that I want to clarify – or at least thats how I think it is – that when one is not oneself it doesn’t mean it would be like somebody else#. It is still oneself and the tricky thing about this are emotions and identification. The moment you try to handle emotions and behave reactively which is healthy cause you express yourself, you also identify yourself with this role# (being reactive is not expressive). The main thing that I didn’t and still not fully got , is that disidentification doesn’t mean to disidentify from your feelings and yourself then eventually # (everything is side-effect of expression).

So lets say there is a situation and afterwards you feel angry which is the follow up of being sad (well sometimes anger gets accessable after crying sometimes the other way around # (life not black and white) and it’s important to allow this function of your body to detoxify from otherwise depressing energy * (but also it is side-effect) Usually I would use this anger from this role, identifying myself with it, I mean I already did that prior to that cause I wouldn’t feel like it otherwise# (not using anger, just perceiving differently naturally). An example would be somebody critisizing something about my life that though is not my fault but a result of certain conditioning or past decisions based on that role. At the same time that sounds as if I don’t have any responsibility for my life and that’s the next point. I realized I do have but when I made certain decisions or no decisions I didn’t know I have that which is the actual conditioning. If one behaves angry towards this person one also accepts this as part of ones life which is natural though and needed and things in life never go this and then that, it’s usually something complicated for the mind that is better left to be done intuitively # (Last few sentences is all overthinking and it distracts from feeling) .

Now it’s still helpful to express anger but there a solution for that, if one tries to force it it won’t work but if it comes up naturally it does work pretty well or has the potential* (work is not the fitting term)

It is about using your anger but then use it for being yourself (not in the sense to achieve this). It is maybe counter-intuitive. It could mean to be actually friendly to a person you don’t like for the reason that this person adresses you as this role and ignores who you are or the two of you are constantly enabling back and forth or it may be a consciously or intuitively abusive person pushing your buttons.

The two reasons why this usually does not work is because the intention may be to be friendly, to get harmony or to get verified as if you wait for this person to finally see you for who you are which is a classic dynamic with parents.

How could one be friendly when you have anger? And the answer is it is not about friendlyness. Friendlyness is just a side-effect of being yourself but it then could become friendlyness cause you don’t view the other person as an enemy anymore*. Lets say you are in a great mood and then you meet such a person and it can happen that one hides his good mood also cause it already slightly changed maybe. Often times I didn’t know how to express my anger, if I did it usually made things worse. I felt better but then the dynamic got fed again aswell. That being said there is also a way to speak up and not feed into it, yet this has so many doors that lead back into it.

Other reasons why it may not work is because we may want to bite back so to speak with our good mood but by doing so also feeding into the dynamic.

I remember one day a few years back where this worked, just that I didn’t know what I was doing and I lost touch to it. I remember my brother being very irritated cause he had no food so to speak. I was very chatty and just felt very free and liberated and little self-conscious but mindful, just being intuitively connected to myself and acting out who I am naturally. I usually am not that chatty in family for obvious reaons. And if one tries hard to be like this you add pressure and you actually come from a lower position. But once the anger and rebellious feelings are used to be oneself where one doesn’t try to get verified something happens and that is you get back in touch with who you are*.

Another way this may not work is if the intuition or awareness of who is you is not yet strong enough#(we all have this intuition) or if one gets upset if it doesn’t work, then you may also use the anger on yourself but you always have the option to use it for being yourself # (it is something you can’t try, if you have such on mind it expresses instead) and the reactions can be quite amusing in a liberating way cause some people get completely confused and we tend to be living up to what we started so to speak# (We become what we act out, just that if it is of lower vibe healing is faster if it is overcome).

This way one could even get lost in a situation and then the next moment being yourself without feeling weird about the contrast cause you use rebellious positive or liberating energy -i don’t know how to call it – which is high vibe*. It’s easy to get into the low vibe and we tend to stick in it*. Or one may think it would look fake yet this perception doesn’t arise with this energy behind it*. So it may likely happen that one gets really angry inside which helps to counter fear but on the outside having really good mood or being assertive and at this point the anger already transformed into something else yet still being the foundation* (theory doesn’t really matter what transformed into what). That being said the day I mentioned where this just worked I woke up and felt not angry at all and just kept up the state after waking up.* (It is like crossroads. Once a few things go right it is pretty hard to not be yourself. And if one is not it is not about trying to be yourself instead cause that is a side-effect of anger towards low vibe or such) Yet now I remember that prior to that there was anger that I didn’t feel before. I did express things through singing.

In this “state” it becomes easy to keep up boundaries, or you’ll look forward to do things you enjoyed but maybe lost touch to. Fears also lower, and you feel more protected.

I think being selfish is the cells of the human body protecting themselves from further damage not in an egoistical way as we perceive it but with an overall healing in mind. Only when the ability to protect increases it will lead to a different “attitude”.

Part of this protection is causing further damage but there is also being selfish without doing that and it may happen as a side-effect . I’m not sure but I sense it has a tragical touch. If you spin this further you see that healing cells need to learn to protect better by proper perception and patience. They also often get misidentified as hostile which is also tragical causing traumatization on the collective unconscious level.

The ego could be a protect mechanism on a deeper level.

edit: The question is whether it is healing of a sick body in a dramatical way or if it is just a natural changing process that goes its way anyway or maybe both and without the drama.

We all know people who are not really interested in an even conversation. In fact it is not a conversation. What usually happens is that the point of the story gets concealed and there are plenty of details that serve to confuse. It’s a confusing tactic be it conscious or not.

So you would need to focus on certain things:

1. Don’t get confused

The idea is to get what they want to say and then focus on that and not focus on all the meaningless details. You can picture their point hovering above their head and focus on that, you already got it, now you’re just waiting. This way you communicate without words that you are waiting for them to get to the point and you are polite though. It’s not needed to take it personal cause it would feed the dynamic. Sometimes we act dumb cause we don’t want to be impolite. So again when you focus on their point the words won’t confuse you. Other times the point is hard or impossible to get but then you could ask. If they act as if you were rude ..but this gets clear in the next point.

As for the point hovering over their head -“thing”, it’s still applicable just put a “?” in that space 😉 and dismiss the details, you could picture they move around you out of the window or such. It’s all about focus of attention/energy which you especially don’t want to put on yourself at least in a critical way or something among those lines if you know what i mean.

2. Turn it around

You could call it reverse gaslighting but it’s not really an aggressive act. They pretend to not intentionally come to the point. Well you can pretend that they struggle getting to the point and you help them out so they don’t have to talk so much. That’s what naturally would happen if it’s an even conversation between good friends and the other side would be thankful you let them know that you got it. People who talk at you though cannot relate mostly out of fear actually which helps to not take it personal although the theme of control is there too, but you can also not take this personal.

So let’s say you interrupt and let the person know you got their point – and it’s important to not do this aggressively, because you would only feed into the dynamic – they may get annoyed about it and villify you and if you took it personal in advance they will so to speak have a reason in their book be it un- or consciously. This may then cause guilt or something like that or it may escalate the situation even which may be something you do not want to bother with. Sure, if you want to pick a fight then why not but maybe you don’t want that.

But if you “act” as if you helped them out they may still act as if you were rude but you can then keep it up and find ways to communicate your reality such as: “Didn’t you want me to get your point?”

When dealing with a narcissistic or let’s say controlling person, having a realistic perception goes a long way.

So what is a realistic perception when you get called names? For example one gets called insecure. The main reason why it may get to us is because we are too zoomed in. The technique that can be applied here is to realistically translate the communication. So the actual meaning which comes down to a fact is the following:

“I know you are not insecure. I’m actually afraid of who you really are and I hate seeing people being themselves. The only reason you were insecure at times is because of my controlling behaviour. In fact I just saw you being very assertive and I didn’t like that so I’m trying to sell to you you would be insecure so you back down and doubt yourself and so I can control you better.”

I started to observe this in my family, whenever I was assertive somebody tried to sell me some lies. It just didn’t make any sense at some point not even on an emotional level.

You could even go further when you really look at it and start to see it is an indirect compliment for you being assertive or getting the facts straight etc. and at the same time this person is potentially admitting insecurity.

This reminds me of a useful line, a handy counter: “I know you are, but what am I?” and it expresses reality. But it can also make things worse.

That all being said feeling insecure is very human and I don’t mean to look at it as something to do away with, something unwanted. I am rather referring to insecure behaviour that is only resulting from dealing with a narcissistic person. It could also take the form of them laughing about you or calling you all kinds of other things.