Strength is walking away from a fight

Rocks stand firm, water flows. Some parents might wonder what lessons their sons could learn from this insight.

St Clair and Nowra high schools are two schools seeking to tackle bullying and boost self-esteem in boys through a Dutch program called Rock and Water.

Nowra High School began a Rock and Water course a couple of years ago, initially for year 8 boys who had been identified as bullies or victims. Rock and Water classes are very physical. That suits boys, explains the school's deputy principal, Glenn Isemonger.

"Year 8 was our target group for boys because they were the ones who were most aggressive," he says.

One popular exercise is known as Chinese boxing, a hand-tapping exercise in which one boy tries to knock another off balance using techniques such as feinting, ducking or stepping back unexpectedly. The person who wins is the one who retains balance, so it is important for boys to maintain calm and equilibrium. The "rock" technique of hitting is no guarantee of victory.

Boys are encouraged to view confrontation in a rock and water way, weighing up when a co-operative or passive approach might work best.

Tony Coleman, who co-ordinated Nowra High's Positive program for boys until his recent departure to Vincentia High, says the program "turned around" many boys. "A lot of these boys realised that being angry and macho was actually a negative, and that being calm in a crisis or a difficult situation was a lot more rewarding."

Garth McGuire, 15, says the course taught him to stop and think before acting. "It's helped heaps. I got to learn there wasn't just me in the world."

Daniel Gibbard, 15, says: "It changed the way I thought about the people who thought it was fun to pick on you ... You can sit back and think, `They're only doing it for attention really'."

St Clair High School, in Sydney's west, is running Rock and Water in a pilot scheme for selected year 7 boys.

In an art room, Tina Bennett, head teacher of social science there, is demonstrating how a bully can be jocular and threatening at the same time.

She pushes 13-year-old Sean McNamara, and says, "Hey, how you doin'?"

Sean steps back and says, "Hey man, don't do that."

"Very good," says Ms Bennett, explaining how Sean had been "a water person" when he stepped back and "a rock person" when he said, "Don't do that."

The boys are enthusiastic.

"Some people at school think they are the hard-cores," Sean says. "But if you think about it, the ones who can walk away from a fight are the strong ones."