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I have had moments in my life when I've envied O'Sensei. But what did I envy? I could read everything ever written about him, speak with everyone with whom he came into contact, and meditate on his every recorded word. Even then, I wouldn't fully comprehend the hardships he had to endure nor his innermost thoughts. Why would I wish to be someone I don't even know? I believe I'm not the only one to have felt envy toward him. I'm not Catholic, but I do share that religion's warnings concerning the dangers of envy. When I feel envy, I'm disrespecting that person, deluding myself, and saying F-You to God.

Drew, I think most would agree that there are different types of envy, ranging from avarice to adulation. Envy in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing, depending on how you perceive it and how you use it. Nobody has to feel guilty about using it as motivation to become a better person or aid those who share his life. Ease up on yourself.

I have had moments in my life when I've envied O'Sensei. But what did I envy? I could read everything ever written about him, speak with everyone with whom he came into contact, and meditate on his every recorded word. Even then, I wouldn't fully comprehend the hardships he had to endure nor his innermost thoughts. Why would I wish to be someone I don't even know? I believe I'm not the only one to have felt envy toward him. I'm not Catholic, but I do share that religion's warnings concerning the dangers of envy. When I feel envy, I'm disrespecting that person, deluding myself, and saying F-You to God.

Drew

Oh I don't know..perhaps you're being a bit hard on yourself. It's natural to feel a bit that way toward those you admire and look up to. I think one ought be satisfied with being who they are, but let's face it, we all have improvements to make upon ourselves and when we see someone who appears to be living very very well in the ways we wish we were doing it, it's natural to wish you were in their shoes, so to speak.
Gambatte,
Matt

many negative emotions can actually be positive when shed under a different light.

As A. Pope put it:

As fruits, ungrateful to the planter's care,
On savage stocks inserted, learn to bear;
The surest virtues thus from passions shoot,
Wild nature's vigor working at the root.
What crops of wit and honesty appear
From spleen, from obstinacy, hate or fear!
See anger, zeal and fortitude supply;
Ev'n av'rice, prudence; sloth, philosophy;
Lust, thro' some certain strainers well refin'd,
Is gentle love, and charms all womankind;
Envy, to which th' ignoble mind's a slave,
Is emulation in the learn'd or brave;
Nor virtue, male or female, can we name,
But what will grow on pride, or grow on shame.

Thus nature gives us (let it check our pride)
The virtue nearest to our vice ally'd:
Reason the byas turns to good from ill,
And Nero reigns a Titus, if he will.
The fiery soul abhorr'd in Catiline,
In Decius charms, in Curtius is divine:
The same ambition can destroy or save,
And makes a patriot as it makes a knave.

This light and darkness in our chaos join'd,
What shall divide? The God within the mind.

Extremes in nature equal ends produce,
In man they join to some mysterious use;
Tho' each by turns the other's bound invade,
As, in some well-wrought picture, light and shade,
And oft so mix, the diff'rence is too nice
Where ends the virtue or begins the vice.

Fools! who from hence into the notion fall,
That vice or virtue there is none at all.
If white and black blend, soften, and unite
A thousand ways, is there no black or white?
Ask your own heart, and nothing is so plain;
'Tis to mistake them, costs the time and pain.