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Thursday, November 6, 2008

My oldest child, my son Austin turned 14 today. Now I didn't make a big deal of it because we're having the family over on Saturday to celebrate. Still, we always let the birthday boy or girl choose what they'd like for dinner on their birthday. Unfortunately I really, really need to go to the grocery store and we really didn't have much to choose from. Basically, we had eggs or peanut butter sandwiches. I asked Austin if he wanted to go out to eat.

"No."

"Are you sure? We could go to Olive Garden (his favorite restaurant). I have some gift cards for there too."

"No."

"Hmmm, well would you rather me just pick up something on the way home from Savannah's orthodontist appointment?"

"I don't care."

"OK, well what sounds good?"

He sighed, "I don't care. Whatever you guys want."

"It's your birthday, Austin."

"I don't care. Whatever you guys want," he said again. This is his "Oh, woe is me" act.

"Fine Austin."

I took Savannah to the ortho and called home when we left the office. I tried one more time with Austin.

"Does he want to go to Olive Garden or some other place for dinner?" I asked Joe.

"Nope, he says he doesn't want to."

Exasperated, I said, "Fine, I'll just stop at Besa Mi Taco then. What does everyone want?"

Joe asked everyone for their order and got back on the phone. "Everyone wants a taco except Jackson and Austin. They said they don't want Besa Mi Taco because it's gross."

"I thought Austin said he didn't care?!!! Well, what DOES he want?"

"Nothing" Oh, woe is me.

I even offered to stop at a couple of other nearby restaurants, but they both insisted they weren't hungry. No, no, that's ok. You get what you want. We'll make due with water and some dryer lint. Don't mind us. No, no, I insist. You get what you want. I don't need anything."Fine. I'll pick up food for us then," I told Joe.

So, that's how it went. Jackson is now whining his head off that he's hungry.

"There's peanut butter in the cabinet, my friend."

And Austin has locked himself in his room and is having a teenage moment.

Is it just hard going from a kid where birthdays are a big deal to a teenager where you don't have big birthday parties and balloons and goody bags? Or is this just my kid? Austin has always been a moody sort. He's very smart and creative and super sensitive and stubborn. Maybe I will make him a toilet cake on Saturday after all. A toilet cake complete with a big pile of poop.

No, I don't want any cake. You guys have it. No, don't mind me. I'll just have a leaf. I'm fine. You guys enjoy. sniff sniff(I really do feel bad that he's spending his birthday in his room pouting. Maybe I'll pick him up something special when I head off to the grocery store in a minute.)

85 comments:

Oh I think its the 'age'. My three boys did the EXACT same thing on their birthdays at that age, and my nephew, who just turned 15 on the 1st did the same thing too! I also think its a 'man' thing too, personally! (wink, wink)

Hang in there! Only so much you can do if they don't 'want anything' too!

AWwww, poor Austin. (and poor everyone else, too for having to put up with it!)

Well, tell him one of your loyal fans tells him happy birthday. He is wise to have the Olive Garden as his favourite restaurant--that MY favourite too! Though you'd never catch ME saying no to a free trip there! Austin, what are you thinking?!! Think of the warm breadsticks!!! Garlic butter and meat sauce smells wafting in the air! The salad being "cheesed" before you! The crisp salad with JUST the right amount of dressing! The olives! The LASAGNA!!!

Hmm. Maybe I'll have to go out for Austin's birthday. I'll have Olive Garden and think of him. Yeah, sounds like a plan.

(A toilet cake sounds just about right for a teenaged boy, by the way!)

If you do decide to design a toilet cake, you should patent it. I think my teen and my hubby both could use it for their birthdays LOL. Or you could just order this one: http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2008/07/lost-in-translation.html

I have to give the nod to Mark Twain who said something like, "When a child turns two, put them in a 55 gallon barrel and feed them through the knothole. When they become a teenager, plug the knothole. :)

I never understood the teenager years . . . especially while going through them.

Oh, woah is me, my life is a misery! Sorry couldn't help it but I started singing that song as soon as I read that line! I'm just shocked that you've seen it, or at least enough that you knew it enough to use that line. No offense but you just don't seem the type to me! Guess you really do learn something new everyday!

My oldest turned 12 on the 5th. Thanks for the heads-up two years from now. I remember being 14, you are deep in the "Whatever..." stage, complete with eye-rolling and sulking in one's room. Did you get the meal or purchase his teenage-mood a la carte? :)

No matter what you try to do, you aren't going to please him. He more than likely wants to spend time with his friends, or spend it in his room. Just think of the money you will save!

Sensitive teenage boys - oh such bliss!! Gets even better when the old hormone surge hits too ;-( Give me a house full of girls any time. As one of three sisters and then the mother of two boys, the difference is amazing.

Austin shares my brother's birth date - Happy Birthday Austin! The toilet cake made me snort out loud! Too funny! In college we had different chores in our rooms each couple weeks. I made 4 toilets of different colors labeled with the chore and stuck TP on the seat with the name of the roomie. Our monitor peed her pants when she saw them the first time.

I have an awesome idea for a treat for Austin for his birthday. A signed copy of your book, that is one sure fire way to lighten his mood lol. Hey u can even make his birthday cake into the design of your new book and he will be reminded of the awesome mum that you truly are! What do you think? Am I a genius or not? lol

I can tell my 6 year old daughter will be like this in a few years... I can't wait. There was probably something he did want, or he wanted you to make a big deal over him, or who knows what. But he can't TELL you, that would spoil everything! LOL... Don't you remember how stupid your parents were when you were 14?

OY! I don't have that kind of problem with my teenagers in general. But then again, I produced half the number of genetic combinations you did. Tip for next year: Ask him a week before his birthday what he's going to want for his birthday dinner. Tell him if he doesn't choose, you're going to provide him with something he finds heinous. He has till the day before his birthday to inform you, or he'll be eating duck liver pate on crackers. The trick is to follow through with the threat, err... promise.

I just told my hubby tonight that I don't want teenagers... I told him I want the kids to go from 10-23..... skip all the middle. I know, when the times comes it too will go fast, but I really don't want teenagers. I was one... that was enough for me.

It's the teenage hormones running amuck! Usually it's girls who do this, though. My son was pretty even keeled when he was a young teen, but my 14 year old niece is apparently quite the pain these days. So was I when I was 14.I hope he feels better!

Today is also my son's birthday, although he's only 4. I asked him what he wanted for his birthday dinner and he said, "Um... macaronni and cheese." I said, "Really? Not like, chicken casserole (his favorite) or something?" He said, "Well... do we still have OATMEAL??!!" We ended up with tacos as well ;-)

Hey! It's my youngest son's birthday today. He turned 21. Can I say that I am SO glad that he's not 14 anymore??? Ugh. What a terrible age 14 is. Yuck. I don't envy you. Oh, and you get to do 14 five more times. ROFL

How cool is it that our sons share a birthday! Scorpios are way cool! :-)

I cant remember ever going through that with my 3 oldest kids. At least not on their birthdays. Tho my almost 16 yr old has his moments now and then. Lukes birthday is on the 16th and all he wants food wise is homemade pizza pop and to havwea couple freinds over to play cards. I guess it could be worse!!!

Question I went to Amazon and notcied that it says your book is going to be a paperback? Is that right? If so I couldnt believe that it costs 19.99. Wowsers sorry I guess I havent bought a new book in awhile.

Good luck, Dear Dawn, the happy days are just going to keep piling up, one on top of another until you just have to laugh because it's so stinkin' funny or else cry because it's so stinkin' not funny. Good luck with that. Being a teen is HARD. Being a mother of a teen is HARD. But it's also fun and happy and rewarding, as you know. You're the girl for the job.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this blog. My Austin turned 13 on 10/30. His party is Friday night. It's from 5:00 - 11:00 p.m. And what does he want to do?? Nothin', I don't know, NOT a movie, can we play outside? Okay, we live in the Pacific northwest and what does it do in November. It RAINS my friend! Rain has been in the forecast for a week. Nothing has changed. He is in shock that it's going to rain tomorrow. ARG. Thankfully, we have a Wii and a couple of his friends are life of the party types.

And yes, the pouting and the angst. He's always been so happy and go lucky. And lately he's been so moody. And, if you can't tell, this is the first time I'm going through this!! Glad to know I'm not alone.

Oh my. And girls...well...I don't have to tell you that they're worse, do I? Thank God my daughter is 18, although she's still not really human again yet. My son turns 14 on Thanksgiving. I hope we all survive until he reaches adulthood. UGH.

Ah! Welcome to 14! It's an ugly time and here I thought it was just with girls! Sometimes I don't know which I'd rather deal with - my teenager or my 17 month old who is definitely into the terrible twos! Enjoy!

Hi Dawn, My son is now 12 and he is chucked full of testosterone already. He stomps around the house and I swear he is going to bust through the floor into the basement. I read boys puberty last 7 years and girls 4 years. Lord help me. My sister who has no kids thinks this is not normal and I created this monster. Oh how I wish she had kids! Kristine in Michigan.

I didn't read the other comments, so forgive me if this was already suggested. Could you do something special with him today? I mean just you and him. It seems you've been away or busy a lot lately, and he's at an age where it just wouldn't be cool to acknowledge that you miss your mom. Like you said, he's at an in-between age. Perhaps, you could just go get an ice cream cone or coffee (if you let him drink it) with him and let him talk if he is comfortable.

As a mom who has 3 teenage boys still at home and 1 who's outgrown being a teenager and is now a 20 yr old, I will say what you're going thru is typical boy. My daughter (now 23) was worse than all 4 boys have been put together. Just wait till the girls his their teen years. UGH!

It's those wonderful hormones kicking in. Enjoy! It will give you plenty to write about in book 2 (and 3 and 4).

Ugh! Teenage boys are the biggest mystery, especially for mom's. Really, what do we know about being a boy, right? All that testosterone. I think I like the beer barrel and knothole idea...not sure about the toilet bowl cake, seriously, who would want to eat it, even if it is cake?? Eww!

Wait a minute! You mean you still SEE your teenager? Mine is always in his room, and when he comes out I get grunts and nonsensical answers if I DARE talk to him... Ah the joys of the teens... She cheerful and rosey! Seriously, what do they have to be so gloomy about? They don't work! They don't have bills! Oh, no, they didn't get the most recent video game! It's the end of the world!!! Yeah, sorry for the rant :)

I was the oldest of 8 and I remember my siblings' teens very well. My Dad's oft-repeated phrase from the teen years was, "If that's the worst thing that ever happens to you in life, you'll be lucky. Snap out of it!"

At one point, Mom had 3 kids in 3 years. When I came home from grad school one time, she told me, "It really stinks to have 3 kids hate you at the same time." This was after she had already gone through the teens with 4 of us.

Much prayer for intestinal fortitude and development of a silicone back coming your way.

Here's my take on this (and I may be way wrong, but I've survived 2 teens so far): Austin wanted you to MAKE him go to Olive Garden. That way he gets to enjoy the meal but he gets to tell his friends that he was forced to go. After all, how uncool is it for a teen to want to spend time with their family?

no no, it isn't just your son. My oldest will be 16 in two weeks and STILL refuses to tell me what he wants. Claims he doesn't care, we don't need to eat out, etc etc. My other son was 13 in June and did the same dang thing as Austin. I tried my best to make it special for him, but he would have none of it. Not only that, he had me in tears. I actually sat and cried on his birthday and whined to my husband, "you take him and do something with him. He won't even talk to me!! WAH!! What did I do to make him treat me this way?? I am just trying to do something nice for him and he bites my head off and hides in his room!!!"

With no personal experience under my belt (though I'm much older than my siblings, so I have observed from a safe distance, plus, my kids are quickly approaching that period, so I'm paying attention when people express their frustration with their teens - but I'm sure none of that counts), *I* think that they still *want* the birthday party with the pinata & goodie bags, & balloons, & sparklers... But they don't *want* to still want that. Hence the angst.

I think it's part regular teenager and part oldest child in a big family syndrome. My heart went out to him when I watched the Disney Tram video, he looked so defeated and lost in the crowd.

Is there something you and Joe can do with just him. Does he have his own activities during the "regular" week?

Also why doesn't he have a big birthday just because he's a teenager? The birthday is no less significant. They can still be big and grand, just different. Instead of Chuck E Cheese, it's an all night video game-last man standing fest. Or something similar.

With all of his "I don't care it's whatever you guys want" stuff he's trying to show you that he's used to feeling unimportant and discounted (being the oldest syndrome). He's dying for you to turn yourself inside out and implode your brain (literally) in order to demonstrate his importance in the family.

~Just my 2 cents, this is what I've gleaned from knowing you have a large family (luky!) and watching 30 seconds of video, so I could be way off base.

Besa mi Taco huh? hehe! Sounds funny. My mom lives in Illinois and insists that there are no good Mexican restaurants in the whole state. Of course, she used to live here in Tucson so you can't blame her for feeling that way. If you ever get the chance come on down the the desert Southwest and get some REAL Mexican food.

Poor Jackson! I always loved my birthdays when I was a teenager. He probably wanted to get some big deal made about his birthday despite his bad mood. Do you think he was testing you to see if you would be all sympathetic on his birthday and make a big deal anyway?

Ohhhhh, the joys of a moody teenager. I know it well. My oldest - soon to be 18 - is 1/2 way getting over it - my 14 yr old - Katie bar the door, he's in full Dr. Jekell/Mr. Hyde mode. I never know who I'm going to be speaking to from one moment to the next.

My oldest Nicholas also turned 14 in August this year, and thanks for all these comments as now I realise I am lucky in comparison to so many. However what works for us in this situation if choice is involve d and I get Austins reaction , then I tell him what we will do and check thats ok , if its still met with whatever we go ahead and do it and he has a great time because I have chosen something I know he will enjoy .I am sure he will have a fun time on Saturday because thats what he is psyched up for, so long as you dont embarass him, hm not sure about cakeHope it goes well!!!!!!!Janice Dundee

I checked the comments hoping for some encouragement...and I'm so sad now! What's the matter with you people?!? Why won't you let me live in my dream world and believe that my almost-teen kids won't morph into evil strangelings?

Although, I was a teen once, and if the mom's curse holds true, I'm in 5x the trouble. (Mom's curse = "when you're a mother I hope you have one just like you!")Oy vey!

Dawn- SSO question- Which of your offspring is most like you were as a child?

It's hard work, becoming a man. On the one hand, you are growing into your God-given role as a leader; on the other hand, you're still under your parents' authority. The toughest relationship during those years is between mom and son. Your son needs to start stretching and eventually clipping the apron strings, yet you are still the boss. It's a difficult and awkward dance for both of you, requiring both strength and delicacy on your part. Hang in there, and pray lots! One day not so long from now he'll see you as a precious gift and appreciate everything you did for him.GrammaMack, mother of three grown sons and gramma to four beautiful boys (and counting!)

I remember my 14th birthday. I was also the oldest and feeling gangly, dorky, and to responsible. I felt like no one liked/loved me and I just wanted to be left alone. Fortunately my parents were wiser than me. They picked me up after school and took me out for a burger, shake and fries which was a real treat back then. They made me feel special and loved. It's still my favorite birthday and I've had over 50. Good luck.

Sometimes the comments you get, Dawn, are almost as good as your wittiness. If you haven't thought of it already, copy and paste the funny ones to notepad to save for later books... quotes from my blog readers...

My son is only 9 and he is an only so my comments are from my own childhood. I seriously do not remember ONE birthday from the time I was about 11, until I turned the big 19 and was actually legally allowed in a bar. LOL!

As a typical sulky, moody teenager myself, who drove my mother half batty, I sincerely offer you my condolences. This is a sincere offer, as my 9 year olde is rapidly approaching those years. (He is still a smart, happy, funny lovebunny.) I figure if I apologized already to my Mom, and apologize to random teenager's moms, I can avert the curse that was placed on me. :D

Dawn, we did the party thing for our 13 year old. We got pizza and cake and let her invite like 8 friends and they played video games and such. The first of the night it was weird and like a middle school dance where the girls were on one side and the boys were on the other. No talking just a lot of staring. It got better but I had to be the uncool mom and start asking questions. The moody room thing is not only a boy thing though! And black make the cake black, mine always wants to wear black.

Boy Mom here, seven boys from 17 1/2 to 4 years. Not claiming to be an expert but defiantly experienced. Funny thing about teenage boys, they want you to want to do things for them. It's not the sandwich it's the making it for them that they need. It's not the birthday it's that you want to spend time just with them and make it special just for them.

Fourteenish seems to be a pivotal time for a boy and his relationship with his Mom. Suddenly she's not a Mom but a representation of women in general. The greatest need of a man is to feel wanted, teenage boys are just starting to feel that. Let Dad be the teacher and disciplinarian be a friend, flirt with him like you would with the bag boy at the grocery store. Don't tell him what to do ask him for his help. Notice and compliment every good thing and try to ignore the rest. Love his life and let him do the talking about and evaluating of each experience, his wisdom and maturity will stun you.

You've been an incredible Mom now be an incredible women, someone he wants be friends with because she wants to be friends with him.

OH! I just "love" teenagers! UGH! Just wait until you have a few of them in the house at the same time!I feel like closing myself in my room most days and pouting instead of them! GRRRRRRR!Hopefully his birthday still turned out ok.

WOW! What a storm--I am the mother of 2 very healthy, active teenagers. We are the house where all the teens hang. I believe that it doesn't matter who you are and where you are from. It doesn't matter what kind of parent you are--gosh at last count 78 responses?!

Remember those challenging 2's? You could always scoop them up and put them in their room. Both my teens lap me in height. No scooping allowed :(

My daughter couldn't wait to become a woman. We even went to Mommy and me classes. Funny how through all those classes and through all that talking, she never realized you got you cycle for 5-7 days every month.

MOM EVERY MONTH?!...A few days every month? Why me? Brother still doesn't see why he should probably invest in chocolate at least once a month.

Mom Why should I? Son let me choke you just a little---It will always help. Haven't you noticed that dad brings home chocolate 1X a month. Think about it.

My son is now 16 and he is all that. He has a great job as a manager at DQ. He loves it and it keeps him out of trouble and out of the house. Sister not so much---BUT Next year she will be 16 and able to have a job. Wishes and dreams--What is a mom to do.

My 2 teens drive me nuts but then I think that I will miss them both terribly when they go to college.Teenagers, NOTHING EVER PREPARES you for this. There are times when I joke with my son, honey that is way too much information for your mother. HaHaHa.

I am having the time of my life right now, today :)Just keep reminding yourself that this too shall pass. AND Laugh often!

Don't be too put off my Austin's nonchalant attitude about his birthday. I teach 8th grade and he sounds like a normal 8th grade boy. I think a toilet cake with a big pile of poop would be quite appropriate. And if he doesn't like it right now, he'll love telling the story later in life. :)

Why haven't you blogged about your amazing lunch on Friday or shared with your viewers the totally cool shoes that Manic wore ESPECIALLY to impress you?

And the answer cannot be:

"Because I am unable to move my neck in any direction whatsovever but forward, and I'm trying to CREATE an incredible cake for just ONE of my six children and I'm busy twittering and shopping and caring for those six children, and I'm also 33,000 words short of a manuscript that's due in less than two months, Oh wait, I suck at math, that's 43,000 words short of a manuscript, but that's OK because it's on pregnancy and I'm a MASTER at that, and because any one of the six or so other bloggers who were there have already blogged about it so the readers can just read about it over at their sites! So basically those are the reasons I haven't blogged about a lunch with a bunch of terrific bloggers!

Oh Dawn,I'm so sorry. Unfortunately I have no words of advice except it doesn't get much better from here on out. Three of our 6 are teenage boys (18,17,14) and age 14 is by far the best age so enjoy! Hang in there and cherish your little ones! Our youngest is 16 months and he is by far the BEST child we have - probably because he smiles a lot and doesn't talk much! I remember when the older boys were much smaller and people would tell me to enjoy them before they became teens - now I'm one of those moms! I look at young moms with young babies and reminisce about the good ole days! I guess I'm getting old! I haven't had a teen girl yet as our only daughter is only 8 - but I hear they are worse. So sorry! Teresa in Oklahoma