She Talks to Angels

I saw Court briefly that night when she came over to see if I needed my laundry done. No, I’m not kidding. (The only reason I didn’t is that Ziggy sent his out to be done and had a bunch of mine done at the same time.) Okay and maybe she wanted to hang out before I left again. All three of us sat around in Ziggy’s living room reading. What can I say? A rock star’s life isn’t all drug-fueled orgies.

Court glanced at the tour dates on the sheet Carynne had given me. “Huh. You know who’s in Kansas.”

“No, who?”

She gave me a look, then reconsidered. “No reason why you’d know, I guess.”

Which gave me the clue. “Oh, you mean Claire’s there?”

“Yeah. I wonder if I can tag along on the southern leg here. It’s the only excuse I can think of to see her.”

I could think of few things I would want to do less than try to see my mother. A repeat of the knife accident was one of the few.

But I guess Court felt differently about it. “When was the last time you talked to her?”

“Oh, when she had that scare about her spleen or whatever it was.” She waved her hand airily. “I get that she was genuinely worried, but she’s also not above using a medical excuse to get attention. I didn’t go see her then, but maybe I ought to now, when it’s on my terms, not hers.”

“I’m all for it if you think it’s important to you but don’t think for one second that you’re going to get me to tag along.”

“Oh hell no, of course not. In fact who knows if she’ll even see me? It’d be like her to tell me to fuck off because I’m the one who ran away.” Courtney seemed to relish the possibility. I suppose because it would be vindication of some kind. “Besides, Kansas is a big state. I don’t even know how far I’ll have to go.”

“Let me know if you need money to do it,” I said. “Assuming Carynne approves the expenditure, of course.”

“That’s another thing I’ve been meaning to ask you. Do you think I should get an MBA?”

“Do you want an MBA?”

“I want an MBA. I don’t want to have to go to school with the douchebags who go to business school.” She yawned. “Maybe I should just have Carynne teach me everything she knows.”

“She isn’t doing that already?”

“You’re right, she is doing that already.”

I had actually forgotten that Carynne had an MBA. She would’ve been the boss of me regardless.

Ziggy took the book out of my hand and then carefully removed the brace and massaged my palm and wrist.

“Is it starting to look better?” Court asked.

“Since yesterday? Not noticeably,” I said.

“Dork. I mean overall.”

“I guess. It really doesn’t matter how it looks. As for how it feels…It could be worse. That’s what all the doctors keep telling me. It could be worse.”

“When do you start exercising it or rehab or whatever?”

“When I get back from this tour they’ll start me in physical therapy. And we’ll start rehearsing again.” I felt a little stab of panic at not being ready with new arrangements for my own playing. I told myself I was going to have time to figure that out when I got back. The rest of the band wouldn’t have to change a thing.

After she left I asked Zig if he thought the band should start rehearsal without me. “You know, maybe just two days or run-throughs before I get there.”

He smirked. “And who will run these run-throughs?”

“They don’t need me to tell them what to do.”

“The whole band won’t be there anyway, remember? Fran and Clarice will still be with you.”

“Oh, that’s true.”

“Everyone is fine working on their own at home with their tapes,” he assured me. “Now let’s get in bed.”

So we got in bed, just to cuddle, not fuck. There was still the concussion to worry about and sex was about the most jarring, blood-pressure raising thing I could think of short of joining a metal band or taking up tackle football.

“Are we okay?” I asked, while he gently rubbed his fingers against my scalp.

“Are you feeling kind of like you’re in a bubble where you can see and hear everything and yet you feel sort of separated from everyone?”

Goosebumps spread across my arms. “That…is exactly how I feel. Exactly. How did you know?”

“That’s how you used to feel all the time. It only feels weird now because you learned how it felt not to be so alienated all the time.”

“Oh. But why am I back to feeling like that?”

“If I had to guess I’d say being injured is a big reason.”

“Ah.” Yeah, that made sense. “So I shouldn’t freak out over the fact that I feel close to you and far at the same time?”

“No.” He kissed me on the cheek. “I’m still learning not to be afraid of feeling distant from you sometimes. But if I can learn it, so can you.”
—(Guess what folks? We are about 2,000 words from reaching the Potter Index! My guess is we’ll cross that mark on Tuesday of next week! -ctan)

(Thought it would be keen to have a video from MTV Unplugged after all the mention of it last chapter. Found this one, another from the Black Crowes. -d)

Comments 3

G wrote:

Sometimes you two are just so cute. I can’t wait to see how Ziggy’s tour goes. And I would love for you to go with Court to see your mother. You’re so different from when you saw her last. Maybe you could get some vindication too. Or maybe you could just stay away from her and live your life. I guess I just had a mean moment there.

I don’t even know what I’d be vindicated for exactly. My mother and I have always lived on different planets. It’s probably best we stay on our own planets. I think she’s probably happier that way, too.