Where It All Began

Six years ago my life was changed by a call to wholeheartedly “seek peace and pursue it” (Psalm 34:14b). I did not go looking for peace, I was just trying to survive a high-risk pregnancy. But thankfully God knew what I needed to survive life.

For several years I prayed for peace, I studied peace, I meditated on scriptures about peace, and I read books about God’s peace. In the process I learned that peace plays into just about every area of my life!

I slowly started changed things in my life that were not peaceful. Like getting my finances under control. I went from putting my head in the sand, to loving my budget, and wanting to be a financial planner some day!

I grew from hating my state-in-life as a working Mom (versus my childhood dream of being a stay-at-home Mom), to being at peace with it, to embracing it, and finally, to thriving in it!

I learned that if I do not have peace in my relationship with my husband, it spills into every other area of my life. So protecting that relationship is extremely important. I do not want to lose that peace over something stupid and petty. Being right is overrated anyways.

Most importantly, I learned that the only way to have inner peace is to be in constant communion with Christ. I am incapable of being at peace on my own, I need him for my very substance.

In the process God changed me on the inside. I went from being a person who was always feeling anxious, upset, stressed and afraid; to someone who is peaceful, and only occasionally feels anxious, upset, stressed or afraid.

Yet, over the last few months, the old thought patterns started to slowly creep back in. It started as a small gnawing feeling that went unchecked until I felt anxious all inside. I found myself easily irritated, and easily angered.

One night I laid in bed anxiously thinking about everything I had going on, beating myself up over things that I had said, and mad at others for what they had done. This is now out of the ordinary for me, and I did not like it one bit. So I decided to go back to where it all began.

I picked up the book that I had read that transformed my life “In Pursuit of Peace” by Joyce Meyer, and started to read again. Oh what great wisdom! As I started reading, I saw my notes in the margins, and realized how far I have come.

“I may not be where I want to be, but thank God I’m not where I used to be. I’m okay and I’m on my way!” (Joyce Meyer).

I asked my husband to pray over me, and instantly I felt better. The next day some friends also prayed over me, and I felt so much better. Yes, the outside situation remained the same, but inside I started to feel at peace again.

Now I am more resolved than ever, that as long as I have breathe, I will seek peace and pursue it. I will not give up, I will not give in. The only way to get peace is to submit your life to God. As painful as it is, I resolve to never stop in my pursuit of peace.