Monday, November 8, 2010

Today has been harder than most days. I feel out of sorts! I know what my issue is... I miss having a baby. A little tiny new born baby! I miss being pregnant. I miss the way I feel when I am pregnant. I miss the big round belly, the baby moving, the little feet pushing out the side, the way I would ache with feet in my ribs! I miss the moment I know that baby is coming (yes the pain is killer, but you don't think about that)! I miss seeing that slimy lil' mess the moment he or she is born. The swollen face and wispy cries. I miss holding that tiny helpless baby in my arms... feeding that lil baby for the first time.

I miss holding that little baby... I miss changing diapers delicately and ohhh that fresh new baby smell!!! hahaha

I know i know... I have 3 perfectly wonderful children! I know I don't want to seem greedy... but I do want more children.

I want to one day be in a great relationship where I feel just amazing and not shitty! I want to believe that one day I will have the things I want. They are not material things, they are wonderful things. They are love and trust and caring and a partnership and a man who not only respects me but loves life! A man who sees the world a bright greens and blues and sun shiny yellows!!! A man who holds my hand and my heart!

One day I want to be able to have a baby! One I can protect while growing in my belly, one I can hold in my arms and sing lullabies too... I know I will be out of this crazy baby fever!!!