You don’t need a lot of friends, just a few true and good ones. But what makes someone a true friend? Well, the answer is easy – there are certain things that a true friend does and doesn’t do.

Usually you just know whether someone is a true friend or not, but in case you’re wondering, or in case you simply want to just let your bestie know how much s/he means to you, here is the list of 11 things a true friend never does.

1. Lie to you.

Relationships are built on trust and a true friend knows this means that they must be honest with you. A true friend tells you the truth regardless. They don’t just tell you what they think you want to hear.

2. Take but never give.

True friends know that friendship is a two-way street. They know they can turn to you when they are in a time of need, but they also are sure to be there for you when you need them as well. The same is true in communication. They reach out to you and check in on you. It’s not all always about them. A true friend knows that they need to be there for you too.

3. Go absent when your life is rough.

Inevitably, life gets rough. It gets rough for you and it also gets rough for your friend. A true friend knows that when life is rough, this is when you need to know your friends are there. True friends don’t go absent just because times are tough. Similarly, life can also get really busy. When life is busy a true friend would never go completely absent. They may have to check in less, but still, they check in and they let you know it is a busy time for them.

4. Tell your secrets.

Because a true friend understands that trust is a foundational element to any relationship, they keep your secrets under lock and key. They make sure that the secrets you share with them remain secret. They love you and have no need to tell others about your confidences. True friends don’t share your secrets.

5. Embarrass you in front of other people.

Just like a real friend keeps your secrets secret, they also would never embarrass you in front of other people. They don’t make fun of you at your expense just to get a rise out of other people around you. A true friend cares about your feelings and would never purposefully embarrass you.

7. Get jealous of you.

True friends are genuinely happy for your accomplishments and successes. When something good comes into your life, they don’t get jealous – rather, they love it for you. In fact, true friends want good things to happen for you.

8. Criticize you.

Nobody is perfect. You are not perfect and your friends are not perfect. Sometimes, indeed, we are even a flat out mess. We all make mistakes, we all do less than what seems like our best sometimes and we all fall and fumble. A true friend will love you anyway knowing we all go through these times and that you are simply working through your journey the best way you know how. A true friend would never criticize you for it, rather just help you know that life can be rough and they’re there for you. A true friend brings out the best in you without criticizing you.

6. Gossip about you.

Just like a true friend keeps your secrets to themselves, a true friend would never gossip about you. A true friend loves you and wants to hold you to the highest light. They don’t talk about you behind your back. Gossiping about you is something a true friend never does.

9. Start arguments with you.

A true friend doesn’t want to be in an argument with you. In fact, that is the last thing they want. A true friend doesn’t pick fights with you or get into petty arguments. True friends avoid arguing but if disagreements do arise, true friends work it out in a kind and respectful manner.

10. Talk more than they listen.

True friends know that listening is key to a meaningful relationship. So true friends make an effort to listen and find out how their friend is doing. A true friend would never talk about themselves all the time without asking how their friend is doing. True friends listen just as much as they talk.

11. Take your friendship for granted.

A true friend knows that friendship is a precious gift. They understand that while there is an effortless side to it, there is also a side to it that requires thought, patience and even effort. A true friend will make the effort and also expect the same of you. They understand how it goes and as such, would never take your friendship for granted. They love and appreciate you and they let you know it.