random drug tests? is that just a normal part of being on probation?]]>
Tue, 04 Nov 2014 19:46:08 +0000http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/no-one-is-talking-about-ray-rice_topic368628_post11061027.html#11061027http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/no-one-is-talking-about-ray-rice_topic368628_post11060792.html#11060792
Author: JoliePoufiasseSubject: 368628Posted: Nov 04 2014 at 3:55pm

Adrian Peterson has been sentenced to probation in his child abuse case -- and will be subjected to random drug tests.

The Minnesota Vikings player just appeared in a Texas courtroom where a judge signed off on his plea deal ... in which the original felony child abuse charge was reduced to misdemeanor domestic violence in exchange for a no contest plea.

Peterson was also sentenced to 80 hours of community service and ordered to pay a $4,000 fine.

After the hearing, Peterson addressed the media, saying, "I want to say I truly regret this incident. I take full responsibility for my actions. I love my son, more than anyone of you could even imagine."

Ray Rice Halloween Costumes Are Happening [Photos]

It’s something about Halloween that brings out the dregs of society. This year, besides the usual racism struggle, Ray Rice costumes are already surfacing.

They are as tasteless as you would expect. There is nothing funny about domestic violence, but yet, here are people making light of a big NFL player knocking out his wife cold. Never mind the fact that a white guy any guy dragging an effigy of a Black woman opens up a host of other issues.

See pics of the ill thought costumes in the following pages. Don’t be that jackass at the party.

Ray Rice will appeal his indefinite suspension by arguing the NFL based it off a cleaned up, edited version of the security tape from a Revel Casino elevator, according to a report by ESPN's Adam Schefter. Rice was released by the Ravens, then suspended indefinitely by the league after TMZ released video from inside the elevator showing the running back throwing a punch and knocking out his then-fiancee, Janay Palmer.

This implies that Rice will argue there were circumstances that provoked him to knock out his then-fiancee, and that the NFL didn't take those circumstances into account when re-disciplining him. This would also imply the video of the punch in itself wasn't enough evidence to warrant an indefinite suspension. The fact that Rice threw a punch powerful enough to knock his then-fiancee unconscious is not in dispute.

I saw the Ravens owner on tv earlier and he said these stories are coming from Ray camp trying to build case for Ray's reinstatement by making everybody else look like they're lying when they say that Ravens people didn't see saw the tape earlier. So owner is still denying that he saw it before the 2 game suspension .

He also smirked at being forced to sell but said if he's forced he would.

New report in Rice case suggests Ravens coverup

New revelations suggest that after Ray Rice was arrested for domestic violence, the Ravens organization was very concerned about protecting their star player and keeping the video under wraps, reports CBS News correspondent Chip Reid.

The Baltimore Ravens insist they didn't see the now-infamous video of Rice allegedly assaulting his wife until it was released by TMZ Sports. But according to ESPN, within hours of the incident in February, the team's head of security, Darren Sanders, was given a detailed description of the video -- including the punch.

Ray Rice's defense lawyer, Michael Diamondstein, who had a copy of the tape, reportedly told Raven's president Dick Cass that the video was "[expletive] horrible."

Raven's owner Steve Bisciotti admitted to NFL Today host James Brown that the team didn't do enough to get the tape.

"If I had said to Ray and his attorney, I can't keep you on this team until I see that tape -- I would have seen the tape and I would have sent it to Roger," Biscotti said.

But ESPN says the team lobbied Roger Goodell for leniency and also launched an all-out effort to get Rice into a one-year diversion program -- a move that helped Rice avoid a trial in which the disturbing video could have been made public.

The report also says Raven's coach John Harbaugh wanted Rice to be cut from the team right away. But he was overruled by his bosses -- Cass, Bisciotti, and general manager Ozzie Newsome.

Harbaugh said Sunday he stood by the initial decision to keep Rice.

"Every single football decision we make, we work together. Just like every football decision," Harbaugh said. "You get together, you hash it out. Ozzie uses the term scrimmaging. You scrimmage it out, everybody's got their own opinions."

When the Ravens finally terminated Rice's contract earlier this month, Bisciotti sent text messages offering him a job with the team down the road -- something ESPN says Rice interpreted as a way to keep him quiet.

Bisciotti told Brown the texts were a genuine offer of help.

"I tried to communicate to him that we were not bailing out on him as a man," Biscotti explained. "But that we will be there for him in his rehabilitation and his opportunity as he grows."

I remember Mo'nique saying that her husband could fukk other women and she wouldnt leave him so maybe thats why she can see the beauty in Janay standing by her man seems like she can relate in many ways. ]]>
Fri, 19 Sep 2014 16:13:11 +0000http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/no-one-is-talking-about-ray-rice_topic368628_post11013050.html#11013050http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/no-one-is-talking-about-ray-rice_topic368628_post11012924.html#11012924
Author: GkissesSubject: 368628Posted: Sep 19 2014 at 3:12pm

Why doesn't she just leave

A reflexive response

Why doesn’t she just leave? I cannot count the number of times I have been asked this question. More striking than the words is the tone: disgust, impatience, derision all balled up into five common words. It’s hard to hear, and yet when working with clients in a relationship where there has been an escalating pattern of violence and listening to them rationalize and deny what’s happening, I have found myself confronting this very impulse and having to step back and observe this before I can move forward.

Why do we as a society blame the victim?

In Western culture, we tend to make dispositional attributions to events; that is we attribute actions and outcomes to individuals’ characters as opposed to situational or societal factors.

That’s why certain questions are so common:

Why won’t she just leave?

Why was she walking on that street at night?

Why was her skirt so short?

Why didn’t he go to college?

Why didn’t he have insurance?

Even when we know an event wasn’t the victim’s fault, we can find ourselves reflexively blaming them for what happened due to how we’re conditioned. It’s also a neat way to feel less helpless—after all, if a traumatic event was because of their bad decisions, then I can avoid the event by making good ones! It’s far more comfortable for me to blame it on their character or decisions than situational or fluke circumstances.

Additional reasons

Further, in virtually every culture, humans have developed a way to explain things are going to happen: whether it’s responding to a disaster, or passing a test. What is not universal are the cultural explanations for these occurrences. People who live in individualist cultures, like that of most Western countries like the United States, tend to perceive an internal locus of control. That is, they tend to understand outcomes happening due to our choices. What’s the connection? Shiraev and Levy argue that: “In the case of Western cultures in particular, we are told from early childhood to believe that people can control their destiny and are masters of their fate [internal locus of control]. As such, society generally condones dispositional attributions while it discourages situational attributions [attribution error].” (4th ed. p 73)

So what’s the alternative?

As always, when it comes to our reflexive responses, the best thing to do is to observe yourself doing it, take a step back and think critically about your assumption.

With respect to victim-blaming assumptions, it can be helpful to consider how collectivist cultures explain events. They have less of a dispositional bias and tend to attribute events to situational factors—accident, extenuating circumstances or societal conditions. Incidentally (or not) collectivist cultures also tend to have an external locus of control, that is, they anticipate that future events are outside their control. Though I have not found research that investigates this, it’s intuitive that people who are taught an external locus of control instinctively look for outside forces at work and are better able to understand the influence that this has on people’s behavior.

This issue is so many layers deep it's unreal. First of all in my opinion, we have failed our men (I know, coming to the defense of men is very unpopular but hear me out). We have never given them a safe space to feel their feelings. They are shut down. They are not taught that their hearts will be broken and it will hurt like hell and it's okay. We don't teach our boys to embrace their emotions and that they are valid. Instead we call them punks. And this is not a racial issue.

I hold the hands of the dying often and I can't tell you how many times men of ALL backgrounds have broke down on me, sobbed, cried, tried to make sense of things that never made sense to them. Just yesterday I had a patient say he wasn't sure if he loved his father, that he has walked around alone on this planet his whole life doing the best he could. We have expectations for men, but we don't show them how to get there.

I realize the republicans all voted against equal pay for equal work. I realize that men are at the top of the food chain. We cannot however expect men's issues to never come out. I deal with grown ass angry boys and I say boys because they were never taught how to deal with the anger unless it was wrestling, football, shooting something, etc. I'm not blaming women here but I am saying that I feel some kind of way about this whole thing.

How many people commented that Cris Carter needed to "stop all that damn crying" when he spoke of his mother and his upbringing? And while his words were raw and hurtful at times, they were HIS feelings, HIS truth and he got that off his chest. Rather than tear people down and criticize them six ways from Sunday, we need to listen and encourage them to speak and release.

My husband is an amazing father. And a feminist. There have been times when I honestly did not know what to do with his processing of his childhood but he's a counselor so it was a little easier because he could identify things. His father used to punch in right in the middle of the chest for discipline. And if he cried it got worse from there. How many men have stories like these?

I offer no answers in this post just thinking about how we got to where we are.....

Just imagine the outrage if he had beat his 4 year old daughter like that? I think a man disciplining his son takes on a different context even though it's still a man beating a baby. I doubt parents who discipline like this aren't even aware/are capable of understanding the emotional implications behind bad behavior.

All kids do mischevious things but at that age they aren't able to outwardly express what's really going on. When I put my toddler in daycare after being out for the summer, he was a terror for a week. He came home everyday throwing tantrums, wrecking havoc. But I knew he was going through separation anxiety and was feeling fear and uncertainty of the change. I just waited patiently until he mellowed out and now things are fine.]]>
Thu, 18 Sep 2014 11:36:23 +0000http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/no-one-is-talking-about-ray-rice_topic368628_post11011704.html#11011704http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/no-one-is-talking-about-ray-rice_topic368628_post11011632.html#11011632
Author: ThatGurlDSubject: 368628Posted: Sep 18 2014 at 10:10am

This issue is so many layers deep it's unreal. First of all in my opinion, we have failed our men (I know, coming to the defense of men is very unpopular but hear me out). We have never given them a safe space to feel their feelings. They are shut down. They are not taught that their hearts will be broken and it will hurt like hell and it's okay. We don't teach our boys to embrace their emotions and that they are valid. Instead we call them punks. And this is not a racial issue.

I hold the hands of the dying often and I can't tell you how many times men of ALL backgrounds have broke down on me, sobbed, cried, tried to make sense of things that never made sense to them. Just yesterday I had a patient say he wasn't sure if he loved his father, that he has walked around alone on this planet his whole life doing the best he could. We have expectations for men, but we don't show them how to get there.

I realize the republicans all voted against equal pay for equal work. I realize that men are at the top of the food chain. We cannot however expect men's issues to never come out. I deal with grown ass angry boys and I say boys because they were never taught how to deal with the anger unless it was wrestling, football, shooting something, etc. I'm not blaming women here but I am saying that I feel some kind of way about this whole thing.

How many people commented that Cris Carter needed to "stop all that damn crying" when he spoke of his mother and his upbringing? And while his words were raw and hurtful at times, they were HIS feelings, HIS truth and he got that off his chest. Rather than tear people down and criticize them six ways from Sunday, we need to listen and encourage them to speak and release.

My husband is an amazing father. And a feminist. There have been times when I honestly did not know what to do with his processing of his childhood but he's a counselor so it was a little easier because he could identify things. His father used to punch in right in the middle of the chest for discipline. And if he cried it got worse from there. How many men have stories like these?

I offer no answers in this post just thinking about how we got to where we are.....