Saturday, June 21, 2008

CHRISTIANS..gotta love 'em

A grumpy old man walks into a local First Baptist Church and says to the secretary, “I wanna join this fucking church.”The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”“Listen up, dammit. I said I want to join this fucking church!”“I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church.” The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor’s study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to her office and the pastor asks, “Sir, what seems to be the problem here?”“There IS no fucking problem!,” the man says. “Looky here, I just won $200 million bucks in the fucking lottery and I want to join this fucking church to get rid of some of this fucking money.”“I see,” said the pastor. “And is this bitch giving you a hard time?”

Oh God, that's funny!Unfortunately, it's also very accurate.I've stated repeatedly that religion is AT BEST a business that offers its services for hire. It goes downhill from there to mind control and various coercive/manipulative stages of spiritual bribery and tyranny.It has nothing to do with the Word of God, or the God who authored it, all Funny-mentalist claims to the contrary notwithstanding.My favorite Democrat said it best: "Religion is for people who are too lazy t' believe the Bible." - Will Rogers.

"As scarce as truth is, the supply will always be in excess of the demand."-Josh Billings

The university in our town accepted a lot of money from a man who was beneath their linguistic expectations until he got out his checkbook. Now there is a wing of a building named for him. Universities can be whores too.

nitwit:when it comes to money, no one is beyond kissing ass for it...rudegirl:yeah, scary how close to the truth it is..sage:do like boy about town does. he copies them and hangs them above his desk..or he says he does..hahahrox:another reason why I'm a pagan...money?...we don't need no stinking money..bigpissy:yeah, it's old, but still funny..billy:or a politician..ted:glad you got a laugh out of it..sling:i know..it's just so....smooth...hajan:yah, money talks bullshit walks..doralong:sad but true..mcraven:yeah, it's a great joke to tell..ha..bigtex:well, don't know about that..but probably..woozie;i'm not sure, but makes a better joke than $500 ..josh;well, as least we'll be saved..

I have a far stupider joke.The pastor's wife goes to the butcher shop and asks what the daily special is. The butcher says "it's the Damn Ham.""Shame on you, Butcher, you shouldn't be talking that way to the pastor's wife," she says."But that's really what it's called," says the butcher. "And it's really good."So the pastor's wife buys some.While she is cooking it, the pastor comes in."What's for dinner, Dear?" he says."Damn ham," she says."I'm shocked that you of all people would swear at a man of God," he says."I'm not. That's what it's called," she says. "And the butcher says it's really good."The family is sitting down to dinner. The pastor takes a bite of the Damn Ham. It's so good that he eats it in a couple of bites."That really is good!" he says. "Honey, will you pass me some more Damn Ham?""Well, hell, Pop, if we're going to cut loose, why don't you pass the fucking potatoes?" says the pastor's son.