Grandiose Visions

Thursday September 13th, 2012 – Fox Lake, IL/Hoffman Estates, IL

Every day I’m plugging along, trying to do my very best. I’ve been humping it extra hard lately on a number of projects, and I’m actually making some noticeable progress. But I think I’ll need about six more lifetimes and a staff to get everything I want to accomplish running how I want it.

I’ve got these grandiose visions of what I’d like to be doing, and then I get in my beater Chevy Cavalier with the ‘URANUS 2’ license plates and watch people’s looks of amusement in my rear view mirror as I drive around running errands and wondering if my ship is ever going to come in.

Everything I’ve got going is hanging on by a shoestring right now, and that shoestring is sitting on top of a house of cards that was built outside on a three legged picnic table during a hurricane. I don’t feel any stability anywhere, nor do I feel any support from anyone who has any influence and can help move my cause along. That’s frustrating to the point of sadness, but what can I do?

I can keep working, and that’s what I’m doing. I’m getting up early and staying up late, and my days are built around how much I can accomplish doing something positive. Between keeping up with my exercise program and answering calls and emails, it doesn’t leave much time for a life.

As much as I’d love to have a family of my own, I just don’t see it happening in this lifetime. If it was going to happen it would have happened by now, but it just wasn’t in the cards. It’s getting pretty late now, and having kids would be a stretch. I’d likely be dead by the time they turned 21.

I’ve had to spend so much time navigating through the treacherous waters in my own life that I never had time to be ‘normal’. I’m not thrilled about it, but who do I complain to? God? That’s a whole other issue I’m struggling a lot with lately. I just don’t see there being one like I once did.

Whatever is out there or up there or behind there or wherever he or she or it may be, I’m numb to it at this point. There’s enough to worry about trying to pay my bills every month that I’m not able to dig very deep on it. I don’t care if there is or isn’t any pie in the sky, because all any of us have is today. My yesterdays were pretty rough, but that’s over. I’m trying to enjoy my todays.

Today I worked very hard cranking out five – yes, FIVE – articles I’ve been meaning to write for years about starting out in standup comedy. I’m going to use them as pass outs in my comedy classes, and I also started another blog at www.maxwellmethodcomedy.wordpress.com/ that I’m going to use to write articles that will hopefully be able to help aspiring newbies on the way up.

To me, these are the only kinds of things I want to be doing for the rest of my life. Mopping or mowing or hauling or cleaning doesn’t interest me in the least. I’m not above working hard, but I want to do what I want to do. What I did today will hopefully help others long after I’ve croaked.

On a pleasant note, the Green Bay Packers stomped the Chicago Bores and I watched the game at Jim McHugh’s house with Max Bumgardner who was in town training for a new job. Any day the Bears lose and I can share it with friends is a good day. Getting my work done is even better.