About an hour before we were supposed to go, Self slammed on the brakes. Wrenching the wheel to the left, she steered the car directly over the edge of the cliff.

I said – wait, Self!
What is happening?
Why are we driving off the cliff?
Why are we plummeting to a fiery wreck?
Why don’t we just go and order cabinets?

And Self was like– no one knows! Death before commitment!

The Acquisition Trollsaid– yup. For sure. THOSE are your kitchen cabinets.
No need to think about it.
Hurry.

Then I had to go and explain this to Paul.
Then I had to deal with Rage Paul.

And the thing about Rage Paul is that I always understand.
At first.

I understand why he is frustrated… I understand why he is irritated… I understand why he is turning green and exploding out of his clothing.

But eventually, I lose patience because I am NOT doing this to aggravate him.

This is who I am.

I am SORRY that I am engineered in the most specific way possible to make you insane. HOWEVER. What do you want me to do? As far as I know, there is no surgical option for a personality transplant.

But eventually, my understanding begins to wears thin. I begin to construct in my head, dissertations on the theme: Self has feelings too, you know.

After a while, the mental-dissertations get pretty righteous.

I start to get mad at Rage Paul. Because I ACCEPT him… But Rage Paul, does NOT accept Self.

This seems deeply unfair and it makes me want to remind Rage Paul that he chose me… He COULD have married someone else, but apparently, he WANTED this in his life. How is that my fault?

Also, I could point out that Rage Paul is just as illogical as Self… After all, Rage Paul says things like– I cannot even talk to you right now. And leaves the room. And then comes back in to talk at Self at top volume.

But I cannot say any of that. Because technically this is all my fault.

And also because I cannot make it worse… Because I need Rage Paul to agree to go and look at these bookcases.

Then I am going to need him to agree to overpay for them. Because Self BELIEVES THEM TO BE THE THING.

Although later it will be revealed that they are not the thing… and that in reality, Self was suffering delusions brought on by fear of commitment, and agitation at losing out on Giant Fancy Things, and also because Self has restraint issues and hoarding issues and a host of other avoidance-based coping skills that always make a flaming pile of mess that someone else needs to sort out because Self cannot deal with it.

As soon as we got home, Self was finished with the event and wanted to read in bed with Elvis.

A GFT acquisition is mentally tiring and requires extra time for recuperation… but even Self was aware that she needed to pretend to be ongoingly-enthusiastic, otherwise Paul’s head would explode.

We brought a bookcase into the kitchen and screwed a cleat to the wall, just below where I wanted them to hang.

Then we stood back to see what we thought.
Then we moved it to the right.
More right.
Up.
More up.
Further right.
Up more.

Then Self slunk off… scurrying away to her cave and leaving me alone to tell Paul that maybe this was a mistake.

Because it turns out that now that the bookcases are safely mine, and there is no risk someone else will hoard them, I can acknowledge that POSSIBLY my plan was flawed.

Which is ironic, because Self told me this idea would save money.

Self had claimed to be worried about the financial equation of catbaby with cancer eradicating budget for kitchen remodel.

I have no idea if Self actually had good intentions or if this was just a ploy to skirt reasonable decisions.

Standing there in the kitchen, with half a bookcase on the wall, and half in the foyer, and surrounded by the general kitchen-chaos, vacation-mess-still-not-sorted, pounds of tomatoes, and other evidence that I am failing to be organized and adult… I felt defeated.

These are ALMOST exactly what I wanted… But if I had taken more than seven seconds to really think it through, maybe I would have seen them as a representation of THE THING. Rather than the ACTUAL thing.

Why do I have to be so impulsive?
Why is ambivalence never in my emotional vocabulary?
Why am I always running forward in seven directions at once?

Why am I so good at love, hate, joy, anguish… and terrible at the part where you pay attention… and put one foot in front of the other… and not wander off to examine the bark in the indecision forest?

I was pretty sure this would be the last straw for Paul; but when I told him— I’m sorry, this was a giant mistake… He just said— okay. Where do you want to put them?

Saw this at another web site and thought it might help-hope her Nibs is doing well

Joined: 05 Sep 2006 I’m researching CBD oil to help my sweet 16 year-old orange tiger kitty, Oliver, in his fight against terminal gastrointestinal lymphosarcoma. Have started him on another homeopathic formula that supposedly has had good results…. scared to try both at the same time…..

I feel the same way as you ladies! I think those look fantastic! I’m kind of wishing I could find a pair of them for myself even… Curse you and bless you, Victoria, for showing me beautiful things which make me yearn! lol.

So, what exactly is wrong with your idea? It looks fabulous to me. Granted, I may just be looking at the splendor of the whole idea, but I am a “how does it work” kinda girl, so I am curious as to just what is wrong with your idea. Also, my son is grateful you live across the country from me, or I could take those off your hands, and he knows I will enlist his help in doing so.

If they don’t work for you I will happily take them off your hands, for a reasonable price, even with a reasonable profit! (See you could use this as a win w with Paul.)
They are PERFECT for MY kitchen.
I don’t mean I could make them work… I mean they are PERFECT.
I’m sort of localish…I live near the Philadelphia Airport, and I can drive to the near NJ burbs.
I’m preeeety sure this is fate…

Awww Vicky I loved reading this post! Don’t be so hard on yourself…you did the right thing buying the bookcases. I buy so many unnecessary things all the time and I feel bad as well when I don’t use them but in the end if it makes you happy that’s all that matters. You have a wonderful husband that gives you everything your heart desires and more! Your kitchen will look amazing and who knows you might be able to incorporate them somewhere else in your lovely home. Best wishes to you, Paul and your baby girl Elvis! Silvana

We’ve all been there – well, those of us with hoarding…er, I mean salvaging…tendencies. I wish you could see what our office looks like right now. The sign of a good marriage is that you get past it – that you each know the other and how it goes. Sounds like you and Paul know that. I was thinking about you and Elvis the other day. Hope Elvis is doing well. Hank sends him a paw high five.

I thought they looked good! Having said that, I always MAKE myself get the measurements for said wonderful stuff, and if necessary put up blue tape where I want it to go to make sure it will fit. I even made a cardboard mock up 1 time for a center island. How would they look in the laundry room?

All mrs have been there. Not fun, but you’ll survive. The piano will be wonderful. The store bought cabinets will be much easier to clean, which is an issue in kitchens. Cooking fumes leave a sticky layer of gunk everywhere, and then dust settles on it. You can scrub away at store bought but that would be hard on these lovely bookcases. They would make a nice butlers pantry. Can you do one of those, outside the kitchen?

well, i know my heart skipped a beat when i read the ad on your post…….you are correct, act first think later when it comes to something as beautiful as this……….X TWO!!! and i really think these can be worked in as part of a built in (hello Paul are you reading? 🙂 ) Too unique not to make it work in some way, and just think of how tortured you would be if you hadn’t gotten them and were left to think of the one(s) that got away………you GO girl!!