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5 Fundamentalist Apps We Don't Need

After anti-abortion group Gift of Life announced it will build an app that calls out pharmacies selling the morning-after pill, other fundamentalists might be tempted to develop their own versions. So let's just jump straight in and clarify: here are five other apps you really shouldn't develop either.

GaydR

A face-recognition app that homophobes can use to scan if there are any LGBT people in their surrounds who they might want to avoid or intimidate. Perfect for guest house owners and wedding cake makers who love to refuse businesses to gay couples. Also perfect for gay singles who could use the extra help in deciphering who is fair game and who isn't.

PoliTinder

A dating app for diehards. Like Tinder, but filtered according to people's political agendas, ma jmurx you date someone from the wrong party. Or worse still, AD. While we're at it, why not create Ministergram, a photo sharing platform for naming and shaming corruption on both sides of the political fence. Easier than blog hopping. Imagine an aggregated #glaphne with user submissions.

CoverApp (aka BurkAPP)

A Snapchat-filter type app that allows you to look through your phone and see women in burkas, no matter what they're actually wearing. Saves you having to ask women to cover up at the beach. There's also a reverse filter gives Islamophobes the chance to x-ray women actually wearing burkas.

TrAPP

For hunters who don't want to miss a second of their shooting allowance. This app provides the exact times and places they can hunt bi kwiet. It also comes with a tracker of which birds are protected and which can be shot down with impunity. Actually, maybe we should develop this one. It could also double up as a networking and dating sites for guys and girls who just wanna have guns.

Bonus: XiZAPP

For the anti-fundamentalist. An app that calculates the exact level of bullshit racist ranting in your local bar/rally/dining room. Like Shazam, just hold it up to the hate-spewing offender to see how much of a xenophobe your acquaintance really is. The algorithm recognises tired debate phrases like "back to their country" and "I'm not racist but...". When the levels soar, your phone will vibrate with a *ping* when it's time to say XiZAPP?!