Danger Ahead: Valentine's Quiz

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Lovers beware. I took a Valentine’s Day quiz to learn if my husband is “still utterly and totally in love.” The results? Let’s just say Handsome Hubby and I didn’t “ace” the test. In fact, it should have come with a warning: Danger Ahead!

Maybe it’s one of those “if you have to ask, you shouldn’t” situations– like that old joke about the yacht. If you need to ask how much it costs, you cannot afford it. But I couldn’t help myself. Faster than you can say, “OK, class, take out your pencils. Pop quiz,” I was check-marking my way through the “17 Signs that your Significant Other is Still Madly in Love with You.”

Graded even on a curve, Handsome Hubby and I didn’t get high marks.

Here are some of the “telltale signs” HH no longer considers me the center of his universe!

“They Share Their Food with You”

Share food? In our house? I think not! Bring home a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food and it’s every man, woman, child and dog to him/her/itself! Piranhas don’t move as fast as my man and clan.

“They Say Your First Name During Sex”

First of all, sex? Ah, memories. But to the specific question – No, HH doesn’t say my first name during sex. BUT he does scream it out loud every time Golden State Warriors’ Klay Thompson misses a three-point shot. “Mish (short for my middle name Michelle), did you see that? Can you believe it?”

Exam Anxiety

Mid-way through the quiz, I got nervous. Like the Warriors on a rare off-night, HH wasn’t scoring back-to-back three-pointers.

The quiz got me thinking about the early days of our courtship and marriage, the days when HH would buy me flowers “just because.” The days when he’d tell me how cute I looked without being prompted. And the days when he always picked me up at the airport when I returned from a trip instead of sometimes accepting my “oh, don’t bother” offer to grab an Uber ride home.

Fudge!

Yes, all that reminiscing got me uptight. As a result, I fudged a few of my answers. For example, I gave HH the benefit of the doubt when it came to “They Show Genuine Interest in Your Day” and counted “Hey, what’s new?” as he slouches through the door after an exhausting three-day business trip as a sign of sincere concern about my well-being.

“They look at you. Like, really look at you.”

On this one, HH definitely scored. Just the other day, he practically snapped his neck off doing a double-take at the dinner table to check out my latest fashion foray. “What’s up with the green glitter eye-liner? It’s not St. Patrick’s Day or Halloween, is it?”

“They Put Their Phone Down Around You”

No, I did not put a check-mark by this one. Could you? Could anyone in this day and age say they detach from their smartphone?

“He Says ‘Yes’ to Whatever You Suggest”

I put a checkmark by this, but in HH’s case, it’s more a “whatever” said with a sigh, than a “yes” exclaimed with enthusiasm and a “rah, rah, rah, sis, boom, bang!” That said, HH truly is a good sport. He gamely goes along with all sorts of my adventures including regular outings to subtitled foreign films!

Madly in Love or Just Mad?

Now, since all is fair in love and war, I asked HH to take this Valentine’s Day quiz and score my “madly in love” performance. But he is a smart man. He refused. He knows that amid a nationwide shortage of Necco’s Sweethearts Valentine’s candies, I scored a 10-pack of the Conversation Hearts candy look-a-likes, and if he wants any, he’d better be sweet!

And with 100% sincerity, I affirm Handsome Hubby is wonderful. After 32 years of marriage, I am most decidedly still madly in love with him.

💖 Happy Valentine’s Day to all my sweet Muddling through Middle Age readers! 💖

Glad to be forewarned. Himself and I would fail miserably. I did laundry today and noticed the little tab broke off of his favorite zip-up hoodie. Tonight he said, “Did you put this paperclip on here?” I answered yes, but I wanted to say, “No, I called in a special team of scientists and we had twelve brainstorming sessions before deciding that the best possible choice without designing a whole new jacket would be a paperclip.” Without my internal sarcasm I’d die. Another great piece.