"Perfect" Sex? Get Real!

Laura Berman, Ph.D., wants women to have great sex — but not unrealistic, Hollywood great sex. "We're all entitled to a happy sex life without getting hung up on some magic idea of what we're supposed to look like and how we're supposed to behave," says Berman, a sex therapist and director of the Berman Center in Chicago. Tune in to these tips from her new book, Real Sex for Real Women:

Connect with your body.
"You can have every sex technique and position down pat, but if you don't have body confidence, none of that matters," says Berman. Embrace your body by looking in the mirror and appreciating the positive qualities of your unique shape. Treat yourself to a luxurious bath, and while in the water, run your hands over your body and notice how sensual and warm it feels.

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Speak up for pleasure.
Your partner doesn't have ESP, so telling him what you want is the surest way to get it. When you enjoy what he's doing in the bedroom, offer compliments, then gently suggest how it could feel even better. Or let your body do the talking — arch your back or wrap your legs tighter around him to let him know what you like.

Be present with him.
"Women often become spectators to their sex life, wondering if he's having a good time, whether they're going to reach orgasm, or if they look fat, instead of being in the moment," says Berman. Shut out interfering thoughts by focusing on your senses — his touch against your skin, the way your movements work together — then let yourself appreciate the feelings that rush through you.