I have been a special agent on active service all my life. However, as a premier stud cat at almost five years of age, it’s time to retire and seriously look into finding a new home with dedicated, personal staff to care for me as I look forward to a life of pampering and being spoiled after my life’s very specialised career.

As an officer and a gentleman, I like my iced milk shaken, not stirred, I have very exacting standards which need to be maintained well into my retirement. I need to find a Valet or Maid who is already trained to the very highest level of service, who can pick up the mantle of my full time care immediately when I take up residence in my new accommodation.

I heard whispers on the feline grapevine that a Maid with such high-class qualities had recently come onto the market, so I discreetly requested her CV, which I read. I was greatly impressed with her qualities and experience serving her previous employer, a very regal, snooty pantaloons, Royal Himalayan Lynx who had died very suddenly. I therefore arranged an urgent one-to-one interview, as staff of this calibre are very rare to chance upon at short notice.

I was chauffeured on my sheepskin blanket to a place known as Tom Cat Towers. A journey which took over an hour. Then I was quickly ushered inside before any lady cats recognised me. As a Grand Champion Pewter Persian on Special Agent Activities, my dalliances with the female felines have always been at the utmost ultimate up-market level, Pedigree Princesses, Queens and celebrity cats have all been very carefully selected and pencilled into my social diary to enjoy my seduction techniques.

My work has always been arranged confidentially, and any kittens which have resulted have been, well, simply gorgeous, totally, exquisitely divine! My services were much in demand! However, I have never revealed the names of the lady cats I have escorted during the line of my work. Discretion has always been my byword, although my professional stud name has always proudly been entered as their father on birth certificates.

The potential Maid gave a very good account of herself, her qualifications and her service record during our hour-long interview, as I settled into her arms and started a gentle rumbly purr. I looked up at her with my deep amber eyes and I knew that this human was the right person to become my personal staff and tend upon my every whim when I start my new life in retirement. The facilities at Tom Cat Towers were thoroughly inspected and were superb.

I was driven home to serve out a weeks’ notice where my Special Agent status would be wound down as I would be neutered, (after all, when you retire you have to hang up the tools of your trade!), bathed and groomed before taking up permanent residence at Tom Cat Towers.

My life in service as a premier stud cat, now over, I had to have a change of name in case any kittens try to track me down and roll up at my new home clutching paternity suits eagerly demanding kibbles and compensation.

I am, therefore, to be known henceforth as Lord Reginald Desmond Vagabond of Tom Cat Towers, ... or Reggie to my new, adoring, staff.

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