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This Week's Carenote - 07/17/09

My mother is in the
beginning stages of
Alzheimer's and will
eventually have to live with
either my sister or myself.
It is more convenient for
her to live with my sister
who has agreed to this.
The problem is that my
mother would rather live
with me. She is
petrified that she will not
be able to do so, but my
sister would be hurt if she
finds out that my mother
does not want to live with
her.

Comments

Is it possible to approach your mother with the idea of a shared living arrangement--that is, a month or two with your sister and a month or two with you? If she knows she has an option, she may be more willing to go to your sister's first. Hopefully, by the time she is settled there (and with frequent visits from you) she will realize it isn't so bad. Depending on the progression of her Alzheimer's, you will have to assess how difficult several moves will be for her. After the first month or two at your sister's, you can approach the plan again and see if she is adamant about moving with you or willing to stay longer with your sister. Then revisit the plan maybe every few weeks to be sure your mom is okay with the plan. Sometimes giving options up front lessens the threat of taking away the independence that the elderly so cherish. Good luck!