Category: Astronaut

Fighting Leukemia is a long hard battle not for the faint of heart. These men and women struggle with more pain, both mental and physical than anyone could imagine. Their continued inner conflict seem to come from the heart because no person wants to go through something like this! Once you read all the information you then have questions, doubts and wonder why exactly someone would put themselves through endless hours of physical and mental highs and lows. But they selflessly do.

Believe me, these patients don’t do it for themselves! I have listened to a few survivors now, both in conversation and as part of this wonderful network slowly being formed through contact both on this page and other media sources. Each of them all believe saying yes to life was the right thing to do, the responsible thing to do; having treatment was a choice and they all believe they’ve made the right choice. But??

Of the four I am currently chatting with online, each one slips into a sentence these words: I am not sure I will do it again. Or the ONLY reason I went through it all was for my family.

Think about that for a moment. I have been faced with serious choices over the last 20 years in regards to others, and I always tried my hardest to make a decision based on training and what I would want someone to do for my loved one. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think; what if it was me? What if I needed treatment and without that treatment I may perish?

These loving, kind, vibrant individuals faced with an option, treatment with a 50/50 chance or no treatment and let nature take its course eventually leaving behind loving family and friends. It boggles my mind.

I am overwhelming thankful for the choice my wife made. She was rocky for a minute, but it was only a minute and then her normal, lets kick this things ass mentality shifted into overdrive. I am grateful the people I have met who have survived not just Leukemia but all forms of cancer made that choice letting modern medicine have a shot! I am thankful for where we are in the advancement of treatments for all kinds of cancers, because 20 years ago the outcome would have been very different.

These people are my heroes, I am honored to know them, to talk with them and hear the love, kindness and respect they hold for a new found life. Some are completely different than before, nothing bothers them, and they no longer get upset over the little stuff, waiting for each and every day to greet them with the sunrise. Others hold a new respect for their surroundings, knowing if they hadn’t made that choice how much different things would be today. All of them are grateful for their families, loved ones and friends.

Each one of them is open and honest about their struggles, willing to share feelings both positive and negative, hoping I see in the end it will all be ok. Writing about Leukemia as it decimates a loved one is filled with negatives, it just cannot be helped. But there are positives and these people prove that to be so!

To each and every person battling to live, for your family, your friends, your loved ones, I love you all, I will always share your stories of inspiration to hopefully help another father, husband, friend such as myself. You all make me proud to be who I am, what I am and where I am right now with this life.

With that, I believe it is time we update the wife’s condition.

Wednesday, things were very rough! Jacy still couldn’t walk, pain everywhere throughout her lower extremities. The fevers had returned with vengeance, and vomiting appeared to be an every 30 minute abdominal workout. The doctors pulled her Hickman line for fear of infection and placed a Picc line in its place. She was still heavy on fluids, and any effort to urinate (which was a must every 10-15 minutes) was met with burning pain and small abdominal spasms. When I left her on Wednesday night because I was headed home due to a large fire near our jurisdiction, she was knocked out from pain meds.

Friday I snuck over in the afternoon and Jacy had been moved into the cardiac unit. Fevers were running high without rescinding, she was still vomiting a lot, and her lungs weren’t exchanging oxygen well so O2 saturation levels were very low. She was also diagnosed with HHV6-B

HHV-6B primary infection is the cause of the common childhood illness exanthema subitum (also known as roseola infantum or sixth disease). Additionally, HHV-6B reactivation is common in transplant recipients, which can cause several clinical manifestations such as encephalitis, bone marrow suppression and pneumonitis.[5]

I know you are asking yourselves; hey! Didn’t the title say “we are going to pump you up”? This has all been kind of a downer!

Well MY PEEPS! Word on the street is Jacy was slipped a little steroid cocktail and BAM! Instantly feeling better! That’s right within a day her fevers had subsided and by the end of the next day she could walk the quad without pain!!!! Whoop whoop!

Jacy was moved from the cardiac unit yesterday and once again is blessed to have her very own room. (A luxury I might add). The doctors ran a bunch of tests today which included a colonoscopy and she still has plenty of sores in her throat along with a full body rash. Doctors have stated they are trying their hardest to get everything under control so she may be released to outpatient care hopefully by the weekend!! Way to go Steroids!!!!

Getting her out of there and into the redwood lined, mountainous retreat that is her father’s place will be a spirit builder for certain.

So after a very long storm the first bit of sunlight comes cracking through the clouds and hopefully we will feel the warmth of her smile once again.

Have you ever wondered? Is it a conjured up image? Maybe one captured from a television show or 48 hours special? A poor soul, haggard, emaciated, pale, gaunt, one step near death. There are a dozen interpretations of what Leukemia looks like.

But I ask you?

Does this look like the face of Leukemia?

Because it is……

This larger than life human being, my wife with the radiant smile and glowing eyes is the newest face of Leukemia.

Here is her story..

Will you come with me to my doctor appointment?

A question my wife has asked many times in our relationship and depending on the workload that day or severity of anxiety associated with the upcoming appointment, my answer is most always the same. Yes

This time was different.

My wife has been sick on and off since coming home from Haiti in June. Being the incredibly strong-willed woman she is, it was always dismissed as exhaustion, a common cold or some viral snot delivered accumulation from booger flicking within the confines of her classroom.

Headaches, night sweats, red spots in her throat, swollen gums and an exhaustion level that just could no longer be ignored. She had it all at some point. The final straw for superwoman came when she texted a dear friend and Haitian co-conspirator who happens to be her dentist. Having tired from the continued onslaught of over the counter drugs, sleepless nights and white spots in her throat, she caved in to ask for help. After a short dissertation in regards to symptoms the immediate response was; You need to go to the doctor!

She listened.

Blood drawn, panels sent to the lab and a phone call later we were summoned to drop what we were doing and return to hematology for a thorough screening in conjunction with a bone marrow draw.

A bone marrow draw? That means cancer right? Fear instantly ran through my wife like lightning! Together we made the trip to hematology and were introduced to a well spoken, polite young doctor that instantly understood our dry sense of humor. (this always helps) She was fantastic, easing our minds, letting us know exactly what she was doing along the way. After an hour I was dismissed from the room so they could retrieve bone marrow and complete the testing process.

During recovery, the doctor came in and told us she put a rush on the order and we should have lab results by Thursday a mere 48 hours later.

Walking silently towards our car we held positive thoughts. A virus, that’s all this could be, right? Just a mean old nasty virus! In Haiti, Jacy became extremely sick for two days and this just has to be some form of tropical bug! Yep a tropical bug that’s just hanging on wreaking havoc!

Sooner than later we would discover how wrong we both were.

The next day at noon while in the round pen working one of our many horses, my cell phone came alive. Answering a call where the first words are: “I’m coming home we need to talk” is never good, so when she said those exact words I begged her to please tell me what was wrong. To my surprise, she did.

Its cancer, I have leukemia so we need to head towards the hospital right away.

Its cancer? You have leukemia? What? Did I hear this correctly? No. That’s not what she said is it? I mean we talk almost everyday around lunch and I never remember her even slightly referring to these topics. How was your ride today? or How’s work going? or Man my classroom is filled with the most awesome kids! But never and I mean ever has the topic of cancer or leukemia been the center of conversation, let alone a fear filled opening statement.

Are you there? She asked me through shakey tear filled words.

Yep, was all I could muster. Chin quivering, tears streaming, face flush with heat and feeling like someone just kicked me in the balls. I continued to stand there afraid to move, afraid to blink, afraid to breathe.

Are you ok? I asked

No, was her reply. Of course no is the only reply to such an asinine question yet at the time it was all I could say without blubbering over the phone.

We talked for a minute about why the results came back so early and the importance of leaving for the hospital right away. A few moments later we solemnly said our goodbyes. Putting my phone back into my pocket, I continued standing in the arena motionless as my horse worked herself. She continued running circles around me finally slowing to a trot, then a walk, looking at me as if she knew something was wrong. After a few minutes with no interaction from me she moved towards me and put her head in my hand. Animals know, animals that give love in return know how and when to move in at just the right moment. I hugged her back.

My wife cried some at work, gathered herself up and cried some more. Other teachers rallied around her as the news broke, spreading like wildfire across the small campus. She received a ride home from some great co-workers so she could pack for our newly, unplanned vacation getaway to Kaiser hospital. When she pulled in the driveway my heart stopped.

Once home we held each other and cried. We wondered how we were going to explain this to our kids, pondering who should know and who shouldn’t know, wondering when do we call our parents? What are we supposed to be doing? You hear about this stuff all the time but your arrogance never lets you believe it is going to happen to you!

Feeling so confused I didn’t know what to do, how to do it or even how I was supposed to act after finding out the woman I love has cancer. I mean it all seems pretty straight forward until it happens to you! Well none of it mattered, because the news took on a life of its own and before it got out of hand (rumors and all) my wife made a preemptive strike by posting on Facebook exactly what was going on. It worked! We were able to let everyone we cared about know without any chance for misconceptions or the possibility of someone we care about not knowing or hearing third-party from someone else.

My wife has leukemia, my wife has leukemia, holy shit my wife has leukemia, no matter how you say it, it sounds ridiculous, preposterous, and impossible. My wife has leukemia.

Leukemia

Leukemia (American English) or leukaemia (British English) is a type of cancer of the blood or bone marrow characterized by an abnormal increase of immature white blood cells called “blasts”. Leukemia is a broad term covering a spectrum of diseases. In turn, it is part of the even broader group of diseases affecting the blood, bone marrow, and lymphoid system, which are all known as hematological neoplasms.Leukemia is a treatable disease. Most treatments involve chemotherapy, medical radiation therapy, hormone treatments, or bone marrow transplant. The rate of cure depends on the type of leukemia as well as the age of the patient. Children are more likely to be permanently cured than adults. Even when a complete cure is unlikely, most people with a chronic leukemia and many people with an acute leukemia can be successfully treated for years. Sometimes, leukemia is the effect of another cancer, known as blastic leukemia, which usually involves the same treatment, although usually unsuccessful.Leukemia can affect people at any age. In 2000 approximately 256,000 children and adults around the world had developed some form of leukemia, and 209,000 have died from it.[1] About 90% of all leukemias are diagnosed in adults.[2]The name comes from Ancient Greek λευκός leukos “white”, and αἷμα haima “blood”

Wikipedia

Arriving at the hospital we were sent directly to a room on the fifth floor. She was told to put on the standard issue gown and relax. We looked into each others eyes, held hands and sat together on the bed, waiting for someone, anyone to tell us something, anything. A couple who the day before yesterday was riding horses together without a care in the world was now sitting, scared, wondering about the future for ourselves, our children, and our family.

Let that sink in for a moment. The first man to set foot on the moon, July 26 1969 has perished.

Although he was just one N.A.S.A. (National Aeronautics and SpaceAdministration) team member in a pool of extremely intelligent and talented individuals, Mr. Armstrong was lucky enough to be chosen to command Apollo 11 and even luckier to be first down the LEM (Lunar Excursion Module) planting his feet firmly in lunar soil then muttering the all too familiar phrase “That’s one small step for man; one giant leap for mankind” thus forever cementing his name in American history.

Little known fact: Mr. Armstrong actually stated “That’s one small step for (a) man: one giant leap for mankind” as man/mankind would have been improper use of the English language because man is synonymous with mankind. But the (a) was blocked by static so the recording and phrase we all know to this day is forever cemented in history.

So why is Betty so sad? Mr. Neil Armstrong was one of my childhood hero’s! In elementary school I would read about space missions up to and including landing on the moon. Then I would run out and play as if I were an astronaut. Circling the jungle gym like it was the moon, coming in slowly, after burners at half thrust, slowly easing my spacecraft onto the top then leaping to the ground screaming; “that was one small leap for all kids, one giant landing for all kidkind!”

Yep we all wanted to be astronauts! Space suits, space ships, stars and planets, we dreamed and we dreamed big. At night coming in from the barn the moon would call to me like a lost friend. Staring at its kindly giant face, wondering what it was like to stand on its forehead looking back at our giant blue sphere. Knowing that Neil Armstrong stood there, gazing upon his home from a perch that few would ever see! What did he think, how did he feel? Was he scared? Did he worry that he and his crew may never come home?

Yeah space the final frontier; these are the voyages of the star ship Enterprise! Her five year mission to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before! Crap! Wait wrong fantasy! I also used to pretend I was Captain James T. Kirk, but that story is for another time.

Astronauts, sheriffs, firefighters, teachers, superheroes (Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Capt. America etc..) Cowboys, sports heroes, they were all there for us to idolize and admire. To dream about becoming as we grew into adults. These images forever etched into our minds, approved of by our parents and lived in the fantasy play periods of our afternoons.

Where are today’s heroes? Who do our children have to look up too? When my kids are in their forties who will they look back upon as being their childhood heroes? Computer generated actors? Rappers? Boy bands? Disney created childhood mental cases waiting to explode as adults? I am just not seeing it! Where are the brazen leaders, moral guided heroes, larger than life humans that stand by their convictions leading the way for all youngsters to dream?

Am I wrong? Is it just me?

Rest in Peace Neil Armstrong. Thank you for the endless hours of dreaming your bravery brought to my young life.

Being confronted with adversity in your life is inevitable. Just keep in mind that it does not have to defeat you. Adversity is often short lived. Giving up is what makes it permanent. As a certified fitness professional, this blog is my way of helping you feel capable of anything.