Colby: Okay Homer, I don't know anything about
planes, but I know about you. You have what made America great: no
understanding of the limits of your power and a complete lack of
concern for what anyone thinks of you. So you'll land that plane.
And do you know why? Because I heard some guy say you
couldn't.

Louie, the tow-truck driver in Guidopolis: I
don't call in sick, I work when I wanna.

Homer: Sometimes you want to
work?

[Homer decides to become a tow truck driver]

Louie: Now just remember two rules. One, stick
to Springfield. If I catch you on my turf, I’ll rip off your head,
vomit down your neck, pull out your heart, show it to your head,
then shove ‘em both down your neck hole, to which I previously
alluded.

[Homer tries to jot everything down]

Homer: [Mumbling] “which I previously
alluded…” Are there two “L’s” in “alluded”?

Homer: [Chuckles] I guess I'm more
powerful than God now.

Ned Flanders: You know what they say: "With
great power comes great responsibility."

[the Simpsons are tied up. A laptop with a faulty battery
is sitting atop boxes of TNT.]

Sideshow Bob: Let's not tarry.
As Shakespeare said, "If it were done
when 'tis done, then 'twere best it were done quickly." Power on!
[he turns on the laptop and laughs maniacally] This time
I've made no mistakes. [leaves]

Lisa: Actually, you made one.
What Shakespeare really said was, "'Twere well it were
done quickly."

[Groundskeeper Willie brings in an old wooden desk with a
toilet for a seat. Bart sits.]

Donny: Hey, Krabappel! Your name sounds like
"crabapple". Did you go sour waiting for someone to pick you?

Mrs. Krabappel: [sighs] Pretty
much.

Principal Skinner: When I
catch the culprit, and I will, I'm gonna throw this away.
[Holds up a book titled Public School Punishment
Guidelines] And use this instead! [Holds up a book
titled Catholic School Punishment Guidelines with a
picture of a kid getting hung on a cross. The children
gasp.]

Lisa: I never dreamed an American car designed
in Germany, assembled in Mexico from parts made in Canada, could be
so amazing.