As I almost never comment upon current events, these blog entries have a timeless triviality. Sample the various years and see what interests you.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Joseph Addison The Transmigration of Pug the Monkey

Joseph Addison (1672-1719) was an English poet, essayist,
and statesman.His excellent short
essays, the best of which were published in The
Spectator from 1711 to 1712, ranged from satire to religious commentary to
allegory to comments on art and society.I especially enjoy the graceful and inventive writing in his comic essays.My favorite is given below.

The Transmigration of
Pug, The Monkey

Will Honeycomb told us that Jack Freelove, who was a fellow
of whim, made love to one of those ladies who throw away all their fondness
upon parrots, monkeys, and lap-dogs. Upon going to pay her a visit one morning
he wrote a very pretty epistle upon this hint. Jack, says Will, was conducted
into the parlor, where he diverted himself for some time with her favorite
monkey, which was chained in one of the windows; till at length observing a pen
and ink lie by him, he writ the following letter to his mistress, in the person
of her monkey; and upon her not coming down so soon as he expected, left it in
the window and went about his business. The lady soon after coming into the
parlor, and seeing her monkey look upon a paper with great earnestness, took it
up and to this day is in some doubt — says Will — whether it was written by
Jack or the Monkey:

"Madam — Not having the gift of speech, I have for a
long time waited in vain for an opportunity of making myself known to you; and
having at present the convenience of pen, ink, and paper by me, I gladly take
the occasion of giving you my history in writing, which I could not do by word
of mouth:

"You must know, Madam, that about a thousand years ago
I was an Indian Brachman, and versed in all those mysterious secrets which your
European philosopher, called Pythagoras, is said to have learned from our
fraternity. I had so ingratiated myself by my great skill in the occult
sciences with a Daemon whom I used to converse with, that he promised to grant
me what ever I should ask of him. I desired that my soul might never pass into
the body of a brute creature; but this he told me was not in his power to grant
me. I then begged that into whatever creature I should chance to transmigrate,
I might still retain my memory, and be conscious that I was the same person who
had lived in different animals.

"This he told me was within his power, and accordingly
promised, on the word of a Daemon, that he would grant me what I desired. From
that time forth I lived so very unblamably that I was made President of a
College of Brachmans — an office which I discharged with great integrity till
the day of my death.

"I was then shuffled into another human body, and acted
my part so well in it that I became First Minister to a Prince who lived upon
the banks of the Ganges. I here lived in great honor for several years, but by
degrees lost all the innocence of the Brachman, being obliged to rifle and
oppress the people to enrich my sovereign; till at length I became so odious
that my master, to recover his credit with his subjects, shot me through the
heart with an arrow as I was one day addressing myself to him at the head of
his army.

"Upon my next remove I found myself in the woods under
the shape of a Jackall, and soon lifted myself into the service of a lion. I
used to yelp near his den about midnight, which was his time of rousing and
seeking after his prey. He always followed me in the rear, and when I had run
down a fat buck, a wild goat, or a hare, after he had feasted very plentifully
upon it himself, would now and then throw me a bone that was half-picked, for
my encouragement; but unsuccessful in two or three chases, he gave me such a
confounded grip in his anger that I died of it.

"In my next transmigration I was again set upon two
legs, and became an Indian Tax-gatherer; but having been guilty of great
extravagances, and being married to an expensive jade of a wife, I ran so cursedly
in debt that I durst not show my head. I could no sooner step out of my house
but I was arrested by somebody or other that lay in wait for me. As I ventured
abroad one night in the dusk of the evening, I was taken up and hurried into a
dungeon, where I died a few months after.

"My soul then entered into a flying fish, and in that
state I led a most melancholy life for the space of six years. Several fishes
of prey pursued me when I was in the water, and if I betook myself to my wings,
it was ten to one but I had a flock of birds aiming at me. As I was one day
flying amidst a fleet of English ships, I observed a huge Sea-gull whetting his
bill and hovering just over my head. Upon my dipping into the water to avoid him,
I fell into the mouth of a monstrous shark that swallowed me down in an
instant.

"I was some years afterward, to my great surprise, an eminent
Banker in Lombard Street; and remembering how I had formerly suffered for want
of money, became so very sordid and avaricious that the whole town cried shame
upon me. I was a miserable little old fellow to look upon, for I had in a
manner starved myself, and was nothing but skin and bone when I died.

"I was afterward very much troubled and amazed to find
myself dwindled to an Emmet. I was heartily concerned to make so insignificant
a figure, and did not know but some time or other I might be reduced to a mite,
if I did not mend my manners. I therefore applied myself with great diligence
to the offices that were allotted to me, and was generally looked upon as the
notablest ant in the whole molehill. I was at last picked up, as I was groaning
under a burden, by an unlucky cock-sparrow that lived in the neighborhood, and
had before made great depredations upon our commonwealth.

"I then bettered my condition a little, and lived a
whole summer in the shape of a Bee; but being tired of the painful and
penurious life I had undergone in my last two transmigrations, I fell into the
other extreme and turned Drone. As I one day headed a party to plunder a hive,
we were received so warmly by the swarm which defended it that we were for the
most part left dead upon the spot.

"I might tell of many other transmigrations which I
went through: How I was a Town Rake, and afterward did penance in a bay
Gelding for ten years; as also how I was a Tailor, a Shrimp, and a Tom-tit. In
the last of these my shapes I was shot in the Christmas holidays by a young
jackanapes, who would needs try his new gun upon me.

"But I shall pass over these, and several other stages
of life to remind you of the young Beau, who made love to you about six years
since. You may remember, Madam, how he masked and danced, and sung, and played
a thousand tricks to gain you; and how he was at last carried off by a cold
that he had got under your window one night in a serenade. I was that unfortunate young fellow whom you were then so cruel to.

"Not long after my shifting that unlucky body, I found
myself upon a hill in Ethiopia, where I lived in my present grotesque shape,
till I was caught by a servant of the English factory and sent over into Great
Britain. I need not inform you how I came into your hand. You see, Madam, this
is not the first time you have had me in a chain. I am, however, very happy in
this my captivity, as you often bestow on me those kisses and caresses which I
would have given the world for when I was a man. I hope this discovery of my
person will not tend to my disadvantage; but that you will still continue your
accustomed favors to Your most devoted
and humble Servant, Pug.

"P. S. I would advise your little Shock-dog to keep out
of my way; for, as I look upon him to be the most formidable of my rivals, I
may chance one time or other to give him such a snap as he won't like." — The Spectator. No. 343.