TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR CAT HAS LEARNED YOUR INTERNET PASSWORD
10. E-Mail flames from some guy named Fluffy.”
9. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.
8. You find you’ve been subscribed to strange newsgroups like
alt.
recreational.
catnip.
7. Your web browser has a new home page:
. 6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it …
and a strange aroma of tuna.
5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computer Corp.
about their release of “CyberDog.”
4. Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.
3. You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II.
2. On IRC you’re known as the IronMouser.
1. Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.

Joke Blog

Well, a man was driving down a country road, and he decided to get out and get some fresh air.

He got out, and started walking in a meadow. As he walked, he came upon a hole. Wanting to see how deep it was, he threw a pebble down. No sound. So he threw a medium-sized rock down. No sound.

The man started to get frustrated, so he threw a boulder down. No sound. As he searched about, he spotted a railroad beam. He hauled it over to the hole, and shoved it in. No sound.

He sat down on the ground, exhausted. Suddenly, he saw a goat running at him, full speed. He leaped up, and it brushed past him, and fell in the hole. He listened, but there was no sound.

He sat down again. A few minutes later, a farmer came walking up. The man asked him, “How deep is this hole?” The farmer said, “Oh. Thats the bottomless pit. It never ends. Say, have you seen my prize goat?”

The man, not wanting to get the blame, said, “No.” The farmer said, “Oh well. He can’t get far. He was tied to a railroad beam.”

Funny Jokes – Choking on a Quarter

A father walks into a bookstore with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”

Jacob and Rebecca – Wedding Jokes – Drug Store

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to
get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they
pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind
the counter: “Are you the owner?”

U.S. UPSET THAT FRENCH RELEASED AIRLINE PASSENGERS WITHOUT PROBABLE CAUSE
Should Have Detained Passengers A Year Or Two, Says Ashcroft

John Ashcroft and other high ranking Bush Administration
officials said the French were “soft on terror” after they
released all the passengers booked on six Air France flights
to Los Angeles after a mere ten hours. Authorities believed
that some of the passengers may have had links to al Qaeda
and may have had plans to do something in the future to
someone or something somewhere.

“This is not the way we deal with terrorists in the United
States,” said Ashcroft. “If you’re serious, you detain
everybody for at least a year.”

Andy Card agreed. “The French had no reason to believe
that any of those passengers was not connected to
terrorism, but still they just let them march right out of
custody and back to their lives and families. Pathetic.”

“I guess it must be a froggy thing,” said Ashcroft.

At first officials suspected that those who showed up to
board the flight could be terrorists, but they now suspect
that those who did not show up to take the flight could
be terrorists.

1. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.

2. “I wish I could play my normal game…just once.”

3. “Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls.”

4. If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here’s a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.

5. Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.

6. The term “mulligan” is really a contraction of the phrase “maul it again.”

7. A “gimmie” can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers… neither of whom can putt very well.

8. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.

9. Golf’s a hard game to figure. One day you’ll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.

10. I play in the low 80s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play.

11. If your best shots are the practice swing and the “gimme” Putt, you might wish to reconsider this game.

12. Achieving a certain level of success in golf is only important if you can finally enjoy the level you’ve reached after you’ve really reached it.

13. Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

14. Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won’t work and both are Expensive.

15. The best wood in most golfers’ bags is the pencil.

16. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.

17. In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers … they shoot a “six,” yell “fore” and write “five.”

18. Swing easy. Hit hard.

19. If you find yourself pleased that you locate more balls in the rough than you actually have lost, your focus is totally wrong and your personality might not be right for golf… it is also just a matter of time before the IRS investigates your business.

20. Why is it twice as difficult to hit a ball over water than sand?

21. Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks!

Joe sets up Michael to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Michael is a little worried about going out with someone he’s never seen before. “What do I do if she’s ugly?” says Mike, “I’ll be stuck with her all night.” “Don’t worry,” Joe says, “just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don’t just shout ‘Aaaaaauuuggghhh!’ and fake an asthma attack.” So that night, Mike knocks at the girl’s door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. He’s about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts: