— A Fun Game: Neal’s dad used to make Neal ride in the trunk if he was dirty after baseball practice

— Bingo Brawl: An outbreak of violence erupted amongst senior citizens after it was announced that the number of weekly bingo games was being reduced

— Wipe Like An Animal: In Beijing, to combat toilet paper theft, machines have been installed that scan people’s faces before toilet paper is distributed so that no one gets more than their fair share. Keith informs us how to properly clean your asshole.

— Trainspotting: Fredzania Thompson, pregnant teen, was struck and killed by a train while getting her photographs taken on the tracks

— The Pete Townshend Excuse: Canadian cop Craig Wattier was busted for looking at videos of child pornography that were logged as evidence while collecting overtime