Marriage

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So here's the problem. My fiancé and I want to get married but no Baptist minister in this area will marry Because different times in our life's we were married to other people and got divorced. We don't think this is right. One minister who is a family friend said we could be married by him but we would have to be members of his church which we don't want to do. Not a personal issue with him we just don't want a church home that size. Does anyone have a biblical solution to this problem that would push our current pastor to perform the ceremony regardless of the prior circumstances?

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So here's the problem. My fiancé and I want to get married but no Baptist minister in this area will marry Because different times in our life's we were married to other people and got divorced. We don't think this is right. One minister who is a family friend said we could be married by him but we would have to be members of his church which we don't want to do. Not a personal issue with him we just don't want a church home that size. Does anyone have a biblical solution to this problem that would push our current pastor to perform the ceremony regardless of the prior circumstances?

Do you have to have a Baptist minister marry you? What state are you in? Cause I personally know of two Baptist ministers, both Independent fundamentalists, who would marry you after you went through some kind of marriage counselling.

A lot of Baptists hold the position that you are committing adultery saying you have "two living wives" if you remarry and will either insist you reconcile with the woman you divorced (even if neither of you were saved when you got divorced or you were saved after your divorce but she still isn't saved or that she's remarried again) before you can marry again and condemn you to a monkish life of bearing an unbearable burden. You will be considered a second class Christian and will not be able to do much in church other than tithe. They'll still except that. Not sure what the position on this site is but I've come across many Baptists who hold that position.

Most likely you'll have to try another denomination or go to a judge. Or you can forget about getting marry and just burn and probably end up fornicating anyway.

So here's the problem. My fiancé and I want to get married but no Baptist minister in this area will marry Because different times in our life's we were married to other people and got divorced. We don't think this is right. One minister who is a family friend said we could be married by him but we would have to be members of his church which we don't want to do. Not a personal issue with him we just don't want a church home that size. Does anyone have a biblical solution to this problem that would push our current pastor to perform the ceremony regardless of the prior circumstances?

Doug,

If your current Pastor holds that position, then it is doubtful that you are going to be able to "push" him to perform the ceremony. Furthermore, if he is a Godly man, you might want to sit down with him and have him explain to you why he holds that position, could be very insightful.

Remember that no pastor is required to perform your ceremony, so I don't think your going to find a Biblical solution to a problem that is really up to the pastor's discretion. I would suggest that you talk to your pastor and find out what he recommends instead of asking people from the internet that you don't know from Adam. It's not about getting the answer you want, it's about pleasing God.

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He says one man for one woman for life. If you marry whether divorce or not that's your 1 spouse for life and if u divorce you cannot have a church wedding again ever. He claims its biblical

It is bible to say one man, one woman for life. Not quoted but mentioned earlier, you wanted something to "push" your pastor into doing. Boy, that is prideful sin! You're supposed to submit to your pastor, not him to you!

Getting married again is a sin. The Lord knows many will do this and that's why sins are forgiven if you are genuinely remorseful and ask forgiveness. Just don't expect a pastor to partake in your sin or get some rock-n-roll preacher to do it, best get a civil wedding, but that's your business.

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It is bible to say one man, one woman for life. Not quoted but mentioned earlier, you wanted something to "push" your pastor into doing. Boy, that is prideful sin! You're supposed to submit to your pastor, not him to you!

Getting married again is a sin. The Lord knows many will do this and that's why sins are forgiven if you are genuinely remorseful and ask forgiveness. Just don't expect a pastor to partake in your sin or get some rock-n-roll preacher to do it, best get a civil wedding, but that's your business.

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Look I think you missed my point. You aren't trying to make him change his position, that's God's job, not yours. I'm assuming he's been saved longer than you have, but even if he hasn't, God has placed him in a position of authority, so stop and LISTEN to what he has to say. Don't be so quick to ignore what he says because "we don't think that's right". It's not about what you think or feel, it's about what the Bible says. So if he is a Godly wise man, listen to what he has to say. If he isn't a Godly man, find a different church.

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If your pastor won't marry you and you get another church to conduct the wedding, or get a civil service, then you should leave the church as it would be embarassing for you to stay and also for the pastor.

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This board doesn't have a 'position' of divorce/remarriage, and you will find many members in both camps. Personally, and due to the Bible study I've done, I believe that remarriage after divorce is considered by Scriptures to be committing adultery (although due to the modern epidemic of no-fault divorce, I'd love there to be a different answer for those divorced against their will! but I just don't see that in the Scriptures). Based on that, I think you'll have a hard time convincing someone that believes similarly to perform your marriage ceremony because they believe it to be Biblically wrong.

Musician & Invicta both have excellent points. You can't push someone to change their mind, and you don't want to attend a church whose doctrine you disagree with. I'm rather surprised that so many pastors in your area hold to this position - it is increasingly rare.

P.S. As you're a member, I'm going to move this to the regular forum for continued discussion. QforB is mostly for non-members to ask questions of board members. :)

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I remained unmarried for 10 years after my divorce. God placed you and I here exactly at this time and in this place so we can talk. I'm the one self-admitted divorced/remarried man here, that I'm aware of. I hold from my understanding of scripture that my remarriage while my prior spouse is alive was a sin. That sin is under the blood of Jesus Christ. I've been told that remarriage is a sin that never ends, I'm not of that opinion.

However, I will share something with you and everyone else for that matter. If you remarry after a divorce you will have issues or troubles occur in your life. I did not say these issues would be between you and your new wife but, there will be issues.

God has a purpose for you in whatever state or condition you find yourself. I counsel you to remain in the unmarried state. If after much prayer, godly counsel, scripture study (Mt. 5:31-32, Mt. 19:3-11, 1 Cor. 7:1-40 esp. 27-28), and the passing of time you remarry, I believe God can forgive you for the lack of restraint. But, as I said, there will be issues and possibly troubles after a remarriage.

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You will be considered a second class Christian and will not be able to do much in church other than tithe. They'll still except that. Not sure what the position on this site is but I've come across many Baptists who hold that position.

Slow down fast. I wonder now if the 'second class Christian' perception was real or perceived. Yes, I went through this and it may be part of the "troubles" Paul mentions. It may also be self-inflicted on my part. I didn't hit the ground running and seeking to provide service for my Savior. After my pastor counseled with me and we fellowshipped on several occasions we determined there were several things I could do which do not require the testimony of a deacon or bishop.

I can and do usher, I could be and have been a trustee, I work to help preserve our local church's buildings and grounds. More importantly, I can pray for the lost, I can witness to the lost, I can go door knocking, visit the sick and homebound, call members and check on them, entertain missionaries in my home, present the gospel and lead my family toward the Lord. Volunteer for special activities helping to provide for the communities needs, help stuff door knocker bags, and provide personal testimony. When asked, I can preach the gospel, open or close a meeting with prayer.

O.K. I can't surrender to be a pastor or a deacon and I don't believe the scriptures (Timothy & Titus) allow me to. But if I look to Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith, to please Him then I find I have no time to worry about what others do or say or don't do and don't say. Yes, I also can tithe, support missions, and support special needs within and without the local church body.