Moon and stars

“I’ve been writing this guide for weeks and today I just wanted to get it done, finally get the first draft complete and move towards this goal I set weeks ago – but it’s proving to be excruciatingly difficult.

My hand keeps going numb and my shoulder is also giving me jip. Instead of writing more of the guide, I’ve been messing about, adding in pictures and formatting pages and complaining about the inconsistencies of Google Docs. All the while I’m aware that it would be more constructive to just write down more words, put the “shitty first draft” together, as Anne Lamott would say.

And yet, I procrastinate. Taking a break from all the sighing and complaining and rubbing of wrists, I admit this all to my husband. That opens up even more of the truth …

I know I need to write this guide, to get it out, to share what I know (people are asking for it!) but now that I am moving it from out of my brain onto the page, I don’t know if it is enough. On reread it seems too basic, too fundamental. Who wants to know about my story in between anyway? The rest of it is just drivel… nothing is original … blah blah blah …

For some reason, the imagery that presents itself to me is that in place of my body, my head is attached to a sack of writhing snakes….

This. This is what writing the truth feels like sometimes. And all I want to feel is the freedom of a bird on a wing. All I want is the moon and the stars.”

Joanna, you’re lovely. I’ve been chatting through some video ideas with the teenager (who’s all about film + theatre right now) so we’re planning some (in his parlance) ‘epic’ stuff once his commitments have died down! xo