At the beginning of the year, I drew a Goddess card over and over again. ‘Life Review’. I wanted to use this year to do such a thing. I drew the card again yesterday.

So, I started researching exactly how to work with this archangel ...Archangel Jeremiel. It involves doing something like a 4th step in the 12 step programs. I’m to think about every memory and pick it apart. If it’s a good memory, I get to set it aside. If it’s a crappy memory, I’m supposed to look at it again and meditate on it.

*sigh*...been there done that. I know this drill. I don’t want to do it this way again. Writing and obsessing. There has got to be another way. I don’t want to be obsessed with the healing again. Therapists....psycho therapist, somatic therapist, EMDR therapist, shamanic counselor.....I can remember feeling totally out of control and needing answers. Someone had to be able to help me. Back and forth from person to person.

If I need to do this again, gentler this time. I’ll push it as needed, since all that crap is still bothering me on some level every now and then. The whole ‘totally invested in a situation/person’ to ‘backing away before I get hurt or do the hurting’.....all of that is shadow. All of that needs to be looked at. ‘Taking things from me instead of allowing me to give ....by the tool of a question’....’not being heard’.....’taking without hearing what it is I need’..........all of that is shadow. I just don’t think that what I’ve done before will work this time.

Other methods. What are they? The guided meditation was a step up. A different direction. I need to look at those things again. Or just keep with meditation.