Saeed, an Iranian Christian refugee

I was born in a fanatic Muslim family in western Iran. My parents
made every effort to bring me up in the ways of Islam. By the age
of 12, I was praying the Islamic prayers and fasted. The strict
observance of the Islamic requirements made me proud. I hoped that
someday I would enter paradise. However, I was a selfish and proud
person. I excelled in education and became the top student in my
classes in order to show off. If someone wronged me I would not
forgive him. I simply evened the score.

After graduation from high school I entered the military.
I performed my military service during the Iran-Iraq war. Because
of the dangers, I often prayed to God. However, it seemed like my
communication was one way. I never sensed any response from God.
Also, my prayers were in Arabic, a language I did not understand.
They seemed to bounce off the ceiling. This made me feel angry and
rebellious. Soon, I turned my back on God and began to say blasphemous
things.

When I returned home following my military service, I saw my
parents quarrel often. I began to avoid home and to drink alcohol
with my young friends. At first, alcohol seemed to be the answer
to my problems. I could forget them, at least temporarily. I then
started to drink several bottles every morning. During the day,
I would try to cause a fight with someone and then beat him up.
Soon, the alcohol started to lose its magic impact. This led to my
search for stronger substances. But, I did not succeed. Then,
my family fled from Iran. Life seemed even less satisfying after
they left and I often thought of suicide.

A friend recommended marriage. I quickly followed his advice and
married a beautiful young lady. For a while, I was happy. Later,
however, our marriage did not satisfy me. It seemed like I had
tested everything: religion, education, alcohol, violence, marriage
and wealth. Nothing satisfied me.

All of my family except for me left Iran in 1988. They fled to
Turkey through the mountains. My father was persecuted and tortured
by the Islamic government of Iran for his political opinion. My family
stayed in Turkey for a while and later found their way to Europe.

My father wanted me to escape from Iran with him. However, I did
not go with him because I loved Iran and I felt I was secure since
I had no anti-government activity. My wife and I moved to another
city where I began work for an auto sales dealer. A few months after
my family left Iran, four Revolutionary Guards came to my workplace
in a police car. They arrested me and took me to the local Komiteh
(local government law enforcement body) for questioning. The head
Guard interrogated me. He demanded my father's whereabouts, where
I had been recently; and who my friends were. I responded that
I did not live with my father and did not know where he was. The
Guard did not accept my answers. The interrogator said that he
had witnesses ready to testify that I had aided in my father's
escape from Iran. He told me that I must return my father to Iran.
When I refused to cooperate, the interrogator threatened me. He said
that unless I cooperated fully by giving him all of the information,
including names of my father's friends, I would face terrible
consequences.

Still I did not give any information. The interrogator became angry
and slapped me on both sides of my face. He repeated his threats.
Authorities detained me for three days and then transferred to the
court building for further interrogation. They threw me into a basement
cell which only had a small window. I was there for 15 days. I saw
no one except for the guard who brought me food once a day by sliding
it under the door. There was only a small sink and toilet in the room.
After 15 days, the guard took me to an office where another man
interrogated me for about an hour. The guard again blindfolded me
and took me back to the basement. They repeated this the following
day. The interrogator asked if I knew someone who could bail me out.
My boss posted bond and the officials released me.

The officials ordered me to report to their office and sign
a notebook every morning. A month later, when the Islamic judge
arrived in our town, officials summoned me to court. I described
my arrest and mistreatment. When the judge saw my tears and pleading,
he felt compassion and ordered the officials to drop the requirement
that I report to the government authorities each day. Feeling a sense
of relief, I felt that my troubles were over.

Nevertheless, a few months later, three government agents came to
my auto dealership and demanded to use the phone for long distance
calls. After completing a lengthy long distance call, they dialed
another long distance call. I told them that the store was not mine
and that I could not permit them to us the phone. They beat me for
about 10 minutes with their fists, kicks and rifle butts, breaking
my skull and bruising my body. One of the agents aimed his rifle
at the customers and told them to stand still or he would shoot
them. After the attackers left, one of the customers took me to
the hospital where hospital personnel treated and bandaged my wounds.
When I arrived home, the sight of my wounds horrified my wife. When
I described the event to my employer, he told me that I could no
longer work for him. He also advised me to move to another town.

My wife and I, following his advise, moved to another town.
I opened a clothing store there. Everything was peaceful for a few
months. Nonetheless, one autumn morning, several members of the
local Komiteh to my store. They searched the store and vandalized
it. When I asked them why they were doing this, they told me, "shut
up, you know what we are searching for." They asked me where I was
hiding the fliers I distributed during the night. I explained that
I was a shop owner and knew nothing about such fliers. They forced
me to close the store and accompany them to my home. One of the
Komiteh members interrogated my wife in the courtyard, while another
stood guard on our roof. The third watched me. When they did not
find any incriminating evidence, they took me to the Komiteh station
and placed me in a dark, cold, dirty and smelly room. The following
morning, without giving me any food, they took me to the office of
the Komiteh head for further interrogation.

He asked me some routine questions and then asked me whether
I had any communication outside of Iran. I answered, "no." He
accused me of lying and produced an envelop from a letter my
father had recently sent to me from Europe. I had saved it for
the address. The government agents had found the envelope in my
store. He asked me why my father was in Europe. I explained why
my father fled Iran. Through my uncle's influence and payment
of a large bribe I was released. Nevertheless, Komiteh members
continued to harass me. I learned that a government agent was
sending incorrect reports about me to the government authorities.
This agent continued to harass me. However, due to my father's
escape from Iran, I was helpless to stop the harassment. Eighteen
months after moving to this town, my wife and I moved to another
town. Since I knew some influential people there, I hoped that
I could recover some of the financial losses there. I opened
a china shop and we lived in peace for a year.

My cousin owned and operated a store nearby. One day, my cousin
caused a fight with several government informers. They severely
beat him. My uncle and I took him to the hospital. The next day,
my cousin filed a complaint against the informers. The medical
examiner examined him and gave him a one month leave of absence
due to his injuries. Several days later, while I visited my uncle
in his home, the informers along with reinforcements knocked on
the door. I could not tell how many there were because it was dark.
When they came inside, one of them put his rifle barrel under my
uncle's chin. He threatened that if my cousin did not withdraw
his complaint the following morning, everyone in the house would
be killed. Needless to say, my cousin withdrew his complaint.

However, a week later, the informers raided and vandalized my
store and my cousin's store, causing severe damage. They told me
that they knew that I was the son of an escapee and that they
would settle that account with me later. Although other merchants
witnessed the raid and vandalism, they were too afraid to interfere.
I did not dare to file a complaint. I also dissuaded my cousin
from filing a complaint. When I arrived home, my wife became very
upset when she saw how badly I had been injured in the raid. The
following day, she told me that she could no longer live with me
because half of the time I was in prison or being beaten. Subsequently,
she returned to her parents' home and demanded a divorce. My wife
never returned to me. Later on, the same informers kidnaped me and
took me to their base where they imprisoned and tortured me for
three days. They released me only after I paid them a bribe.

By now, several years had passed since my father's escape from
Iran. I received a letter from my father in Europe. In the middle
of the letter I read some words that made me dizzy. I read and
reread it. He had written, "I am now a Christian." I became so
outraged that I began to curse. I was so angry, I would have
killed my father if I had seen him. My father also told other
family members in Iran that he had become a Christian. Because
of this, family members began to shun me. They called me "son of
a heathen," "unclean," and someone who had hurt the family
reputation. I made an oath to kill my father.

The news spread throughout the town. Government agents, who
had found my father's damaging letter, summoned me to the governor
and to the Islamic judge. In their presence I swore on the Qur'an
that I was a faithful Muslim and that I, myself, would kill my
father. I meant it. The Islamic judge liked what I said and
released me.

Later, however, when I went to my store, I found all of the
windows broken. Armed informers stood nearby and laugh at me.
They shouted that I must leave town and never return. At this
point I saw no choice, but to leave Iran. To escape further
persecution, I fled Iran.

In my new country of refuge, I relented and contacted a Christian
family whom my father had recommended. From the beginning, this
family's simple lifestyle, sincerity and love touched me. I had never
seen these characteristics before. I longed for the same love and
peace that they had. I thought to myself, "Why has God blessed this
heathen family with such wonderful qualities!" I could not answer.
Nevertheless, I began to think seriously. They loved me as if they
had known me all my life. Their sincere prayers, thanking God for
His blessings, touched my heart. It made me think about God.
I sensed God's presence when they prayed. When I asked the family
the secret of their loving life, they brought me a New Testament.
I hesitated to accept the New Testament they offered. However,
after a while I decided to accept it. I thought that it would give
me ammunition to debate with them. I wanted to show them the falsehood
of their beliefs! As I read the New Testament, I found nothing wrong
in it. Strangely enough, the more I read it the more eagerly I wanted
to read it. The New Testament showed me the way of love, peace, and
life and how sinners can find salvation through Jesus Christ.

Until then, I thought that I was a righteous person. But, as
I read this book, I recognized that I was a sinner. I learned that
the way to heaven was not through good works, but only through God's
grace which was provided through God giving His spiritual Son in
order that no one would perish (John 3:16). The Gospel of Matthew
chapter 11 touched my heart. Jesus said, "Come unto me all who are
burdened and I will give you peace." My spiritual eyes opened and
I realized that as a sinner I had no relationship with God. At
midnight, one January night, I knelt and prayed, submitting my
life to the Lord Jesus Christ.

My life changed from that point on. I now feel close to God.
I hear Him speak to me when I read the Bible and meditate on it.
He has given me peace. I fear no one. I know that my Lord has my
future in his hands. My restlessness has turned to patience and
forbearance. My old nature has died with Christ on the cross and
He has given me a new nature. He has given me a heart of love and
compassion. I even love the very enemies I so hated before.

The joy of the Holy Spirit replaced the alcoholism in my life.
I no longer depend on my own thoughts and understanding. Now the
Holy Spirit leads and controls my life.

Today I deeply love my family, particularly my father. I see
the majesty and depth of God's love in how He brought me through
the deep dark valleys of danger to a strange land where He saved
me. My sorrow and depression have now turned to eternal joy. At
one time, my family in Iran rejected me. Today, I am a member of
God's vast family! I long to serve my Lord. I pray that he will
make me a fisher of men. Pray for me as I seek to prepare for
full time ministry.