Tag Archives: larry pratt

Hey, Ted Cruz, what’s your next cool fundraiser idea? Wow, a chance for some lucky gun-humping donor to go shootin’ with the senator? That sounds like more fun than staying up all night playing RISK with Rand Paul! Funny thing though; the contest requires that the winner be able to pass a background check. It’s in the fine print, which specifies that the “Sponsor” of the sweepstakes — the Cruz campaign — must verify that Ted Cruz will be at least nominally safe with his brand new huntin’ buddy:
Read more on Ted Cruz Supports Gun Control, To Protect Ted Cruz…

Oh hey look everybody! It’s Larry Pratt, emperor of Gun Owners Uber Alles American Style, who we last saw making really confusing Hitler comparisons and explaining that teachers who hide in classrooms during school shootings to protect students are not heroes, they’re pussies.
Read more on Larry Pratt Pretty Sure That Congresswomen Should Be Afraid He’ll Shoot Them, For Freedom…

Did you hear that? It’s the sound of Ted Nugent and Wayne LaPierre’s and zombie Charlton Heston’s heads, all exploding in glorious concert, because the Supremes ruled against a Gun Thing yesterday, which is weird because we totally figured that the Fab Five conservatives on the Court loved them some rolling back gun regulations as much as they loved rolling back regulations on every other goddamn thing in the world. However, at least in this case, Anthony Kennedy trod?? treaded?? all over freedom and the Bill of Rights by joining the Court’s somewhat liberal wing to uphold the straw purchaser law, which prohibits you from saying you’re buying the gun for yourself when you’re really buying it for someone else. What is this? Soviet Russia???
Read more on Supreme Court Says You Can’t Lie About Gun Purchases. How Is That Even Fair?…

Larry Pratt, king of Gun Owners for Gun Owners For And By America, Amen, showed up on the un-delightfully misnomered Christian Information Radio last week to talk about new spring floral arrangements how guns are the very bestest thing that has ever happened to America or schoolchildren ever.
We are no stranger to Pratt here at yr Wonkette, because he’s given us such insights as “grab your guns so that Bamz can’t wipe out Whitey” and “keep reminding Congress they could get shot at any old time.” Never one to rest on his laurels, though, Pratt has now come ’round to explain to us that if you are being stalked by a killer with a gun and your first impulse is to hide and protect children, you are a wussy wuss wuss wuss and sure as hell should not be lauded.
Read more on Gun Fondler Larry Pratt Pretty Certain Teachers Helping Kids Stay Safe During School Shootings Are Wusses…

Welcome to another installment of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we bring you a bunch of stories that didn’t quite merit their own posts but were too stupid to ignore altogether. As usual, we recommend you fortify yourself with whatever helps you get through reading it — alcohol, weed, or a +10 Potion of Protection From Idiocy.
Our first story may not be the derpiest of the week, but it’s local to Yr Doktor Zoom, so deal. The Idaho Statesman reports that the Idaho Transportation Department has ordered Boise’s Woodland Empire Ale Craft to remove its sign, pictured above, because it looks too much like an official road sign. As far as we can tell, the sign has not caused any massive traffic delays, but the law’s the law, mang:
“The main issue is one of Idaho Code,” department spokesman Reed Hollinshead said in an email. “Namely, you cannot imitate a highway sign or attempt to redirect the flow of traffic.”
For their part, Woodland Empire owner Dusty Schmidt said that he and his partners in the microbrewery were just surprised that the state hadn’t taken action sooner against the sign, which has been up since January. He called the publicity over the sign and the order to remove it a success. The sign’s designer, Dave Cook, said in a news release, “All billboards distract drivers. Especially the good ones.” Discuss amongst yourselves: Advertising is just another form of trolling.
Yr Dok Zoom drives by that place several times a week, but had somehow not noticed the sign. Guess it’s time to try the beer at least.
Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Tour Of Tawdry Trifling Trivia…

Larry Pratt, the descriptively named executive director of Gun Owners of America, has figured out how to improve The Blacks in America: In a recent radio interview, he explained that American blacks would have a much better time of it if they could just be more like “the African from Africa.” You know, that one guy.
Pratt, who has previously warned about the private army of blacks that Obama is building to foment race war in the USA, spoke last month with Selwyn Duke on the “Gun Owners News Hour” — proving again that every rightwinger has a podcast — and they went over the usual news, like how Obama is converting the U.S. military into “a martial law ready” force by promoting minorities above whites, and then they got to the more arcane stuff about how American blacks could really learn a lot about good attitudes from Africans from the Africa:
“Generally, the African from Africa is a very pro-American person, a very happy person,” Pratt said. “I know several, and they’re always happy with a joke, a pleasant smile on their face, and they clearly don’t identify with the surliness that’s all too frequently the attitude of their fellow African Americans here.”
And Larry Pratt sure could learn a lot from trying to emulate human beings, now couldn’t he? Read more on Gun Guy Larry Pratt Wonders Why Our Blacks Can’t Just Sing And Be Happy Like The African Ones…

Somehow, the end of the week brought us a flurry of stories that are all special wonderful snowflakes of stoopid, and while they’re all worthy of pointing and laughing at, we just can’t devote an entire post to each of them. After all, we have a full day of coddling radical Islam to get to! And so, here’s a collection of shorts. If this format proves popular, we may make it a semi-regular thing, giving everyone a chance to get into Wonkette’s shorts. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Derp: So Much Crazy, So Little Time…

As a writer, yr Wonkette is accustomed to people asking where we get our ideas (for the record: we mix up a special cocktail of opium and despair and inject it directly into our eyeballs). We would like to ask the same thing of Gun Owners of America chairman and weeping anal pustule Larry Pratt, a man so far to the right he was once deemed too much of an extremist to chair a presidential run by Pat Buchanan, and who has a suggestion as to how folks should indoctrinate teach their kids about Second Amendment freedoms and gunz and the fun times to be had with such:
I think we have to push back in whatever smart way we can do to make sure that kids see, yeah having a gun is just as much fun as you thought it was when you were shooting your buddy with a water pistol yesterday.
Yr Wonkette thought we were supposed to teach all those little monsters with poor impulse control that guns, even handled responsibly, are still dangerous and should always be respected as such. But sure, your way sounds good too: “Remember Junior, shooting a real gun is just as much fun as shooting that Cletus boy down the way with a water pistol, only shooting Cletus will make a bigger mess to clean up. But don’t you worry about that! Just go play with this loaded 9-millimeter Beretta, and have fun because YOLO.” Read more on Larry Pratt: Guns As Much Fun For Kids As Water Pistols, Just Stain Your Clothes A Little Worse…

Ever wonder what is really behind all this “they deserve a vote, let’s all stop killing each other, no more crazy guns everywhere all the time” nonsense push for “rational” gun policies in America? Ever thought it might all just be a ploy to give the President an excuse to begin the violent race wars we all knew would be coming? Well the Gun Owners of America president Larry Pratt wants you to know you are right! In yet another episode of “things crazy people will say outloud” Mr. Pratt went on Stan Solomon’s very insightful radio program with his buddy the conserva-blogger Greg W. Howard and explained the intricate domino effect of just exactly what is going on:
Pratt predicted that President Obama may begin confiscating guns in order to provoke a violent response to justify further oppression, which host Stan Solomon feared would lead to the imprisonment of hundreds of thousands of people. Pratt once again insisted that Obama is acting like King George III, a sentiment with which Solomon concurred, saying, “That will happen quickly and they will wipe those people out to set an example.” But Solomon wasn’t finished: “I believe they will put together a racial force to go against an opposite race resistance, basically a black force to go against a white resistance, and then they will claim anyone resisting the black force they are doing it because they are racist.” Howard agreed: “You may be right because he has been sowing the seeds of racial hatred; we were healing quite well as a nation on racial issues until Obama came along and now we have a lot of racial discord.”
Read more on Very Sane Tea Party Man Warns Of Obama’s Army Of Blacks…

When you think Antonin Scalia, you think squishy liberal, right? Who doesn’t? He of the Throw Everyone Out Of The US But Whitey Decision and the distressingly narrow view of the 14th Amendment — he is our go-to guy for feel-good law!
That’s why, according to Larry Pratt, prez of the Gun Owners of America (we think they are like the NRA’s younger, even stupider, brother, but we do not care enough to actually look it up), tells us that Scalia is way too soft on the Second Amendment. He feels too much. Read more on Why Does Liberal Weenie Antonin Scalia Not Love Guns At All?…