Sunday, December 11, 2005

"A Dead Horse"

Dakota tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. However, in safety management often I find that many try other strategies with dead horses, including the following:

1. Buying a stronger whip.2. Changing riders.3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this horse."4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.6. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.7. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.8. Creating a training session to increase our riding ability.9. Comparing the state of dead horses in today's environment.10. Change the threshold of "dead" declaring that "This horse is not dead."11. Hire contractors to ride the dead horse.12. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.13. Declaring that "No horse is too dead to beat."14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.15. Do a Study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.16. Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster.17. Declare the horse is "better, faster and cheaper" dead.18. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses.19. Revisit the performance requirements for horses.20. Say this horse was procured with cost as an independent variable.21. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.22. Develop an incentive awards program to encourage the dead horse to perform at acceptable levels.

Disclaimer:

This posting does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my cat; don't quote me on that; don't quote me on anything; all rights reserved; this document is distribution copyrighted to the extent that you may distribute this posting and all its associated parts freely but you may not make a profit from it or include the article or parts of it in commercial publications, or as part of any fee-based services or products; further redistribution’s only allowed unedited and in its entirety by electronic transfer (anonymous FTP, Gopher, WWW and mail servers), storage media, and printed copy as long as this notice is included and no monetary fee is charged; subject to change without notice; text is slightly enlarged to show detail; resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and coincidental; all models are over 18 years of age; dry clean only; do not bend, fold, or mutilate; anchovies or jalapenos added upon request; your mileage may vary; no substitutions are allowed; for a limited time only while supplies last; offer void where prohibited; is provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied; user assumes full liabilities; not liable for damages due to use or misuse; equal opportunity joke employer; no shoes, no shirt, no jokes; caveat emptor; read at your own risk; may contain material some readers find objectionable; parental advisory: explicit lyrics; keep away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; ask us about our trade-in plan; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not included; action figures sold separately; jokes were packed full, contents may have settled during mailing; sanitized and sealed for your protection; do not use if safety seal is broken; do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment; safety goggles may be required during use; call before you dig; use only with proper ventilation; for external use only; if a swelling, redness, rash, or irritation develops, discontinue use; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; keep away from open flames; avoid inhaling fumes or contact with mucous membranes; contents under pressure, may explode if incinerated; smoking these may be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a good laugh; text is made from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles; no animals were used to test the, no salt, MSG, preservatives, artificial color or flavor added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a someone who cares; are ribbed for your pleasure; slippery when wet; must be 18 to enter; possible penalties for early withdrawal; one size fits all; offer is valid only at participating Internet sites; slightly higher west of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; if defects are found, do not try to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center; please remain seated until the we have come to a complete stop; objects in the mirror may be funnier than they appear; this disclaimer does not cover hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, and other Acts of God, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, unauthorized repair, improper installation, misuse, typos, misspelled words, missing or altered signatures, and incidents owing to computer or disk failure, accidental file deletions, or milk coming out of your nose due to laughing while drinking; other restrictions may apply. If something offends you, lighten up, get a life, and move on.