I think im at the end

hello everyone.
i'm new to the boards and just been chatting to everyone on the chat room :unsure:

here's my problems hopefully it might help me to release or something.. i dunno.
I'm 18, male from England, UK.

Last year I had my appendix removed on doctor's orders.
I was in hospital for around and in/out 3 months on morphine 24/7. there were also general visits. After three months of chronic pain in the scar area the surgeons had come to a decision it was an unknown neuropathic chronic pain related.

Anyhow, after going to pain clinic, trying all drugs up-to daily morphine, the pain is still there. It is now causing me further mental health issues.

Over the past year it has suffered my career, my family, friends and future life - I can't bend down and i'm not allowed to drive. i was also removed the police training.

i can't take this anymore, i have nightmares, i have given up. i sit by the trains and cry and think shall i just jump, i play with my knifes ( i used to go climbing and teach survival skills to childen ) and cut my self not on my wrists but accidently and i can't feel the pain.
would life be easier dead? has my willpower gone? i dont know but i just wanted to vent.

"would life be easier dead?" :tongue: No, honey. Life would be dead dead.

I hope the venting did something to alleviate the frustration.

But fuck. That's fucked up. I wish I had words of advice but I don't know what to tell you. Don't die, though. Not yet. Nothing works at all for the pain? ...The docs can't figure anything out? :sad: I'm really sorry. I feel for you.

Oh, for the record, I have a pretty cool appendectomy scar. Is yours pretty cool? :biggrin:

hey there welcome 2 the forum..
i wasnt sure what neuropathic meant so i looked it up..dont know if u have read things like this? but i found it quite interesting.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuropathy
as 4 ur questions.. would ur life be easier dead? - well u wont know .. because u will be gone.. u wont be able 2 see if life can get any better..
do u have a lack of willpower? no .. depression is an awful.. it distorts reality so we truly feel hopeless about everything and anything.. its not ur fault u have depression.. but if u have it.. u can get help 4 it..
have u tried talking 2 ur gp/doctor?
take care :hug: