The Honest To God Truth About The Pros And Cons Of Having A Girlfriend

The only reason this article is gender-specific is because it's #NationalGirlfriendDay, not #NationalSignificantOtherDay—frankly, I don't know who the hell comes up with these social media holidays, but that's besides the point. What I'm trying to say is that the following pros and cons have some crossover, meaning they can be applied to men as well. That being said, there are definitely some things below that are entirely female-centric (in the best and worst ways). I sincerely doubt any of you will have a hard time figuring out which.

I know that as a woman, it's my duty to champion the fairer-sex at all times, but as a realist, that's not always possible. As a self-diagnosed difficult girlfriend, I've gotta assume other ladies share the same....let's call them, quirks. Additionally, I'm throwing in a whole list of pros—so, give me a break. It'll be a nice spread, I promise. In a world of BS relationship assessments, this will be the fancy cheese place your Mom puts out for the holidays—you know what I mean, half-delicious and half-hard to pronounce/smell like feet.

Cons

Trying to decide what to eat for dinner somehow becomes the riddle of the freaking sphinx every damn night—even though she'll undoubtedly choose the first meal you suggested.

She often expects her back to be rubbed or tickled every night, for hours on end, regardless of how tired your arm gets. Rest assured, if you stop before she's fallen asleep, she WILL start to kick her legs and grunt aggressively.

You're not allowed to be on your phone when she's trying to talk to you, but God forbid you tell her it's not okay for HER to tweet the Encyclopedia Britannica while you're telling an important story. No way, Honey! Except a long-winded lecture on her multi-tasking capabilities.

You don't have a say about what you watch—point blank, period. Learn to fall asleep with your eyes open, it helps.

Stealing the covers, pillows, and taking up half the bed are all par for the course. If you do the same, she will punch you in the ribs and then claim she was asleep and didn't realize what she was doing.

She will sometimes use your own mother against you and you will feel all of two-feet tall.

She will analyze your "tone" until she's blue in the face, insisting that "something's wrong with you." No matter how many times you reassure her, she'll keep pushing—ultimately creating an argument out of, you guessed it! Thin air!

When she's in a rush, you're moving too slow. When you're in a rush....Well, that's your problem.

When she needs space, you better give it to her! When you need space, eh, that's not going to happen.

Pros

I know I said I was going to do a list of pros as well, but unlike cons, pros are a bit more personal and ultimately subjective to the relationship. It's sort of funny how that works, right? We as humans are pretty good at unanimously sharing the same pet-peeves and grievances, but when it comes to what makes us happy romantically—no two people are really alike. Sure, there's the standard BS of, "She's hot" or "She likes eating wings and drinking beer with me"—but the stuff that makes you fall in love with a person—really fall in love—is more complicated. It's so specific to you and her , that I couldn't possibly begin to speculate.

I'm a pretty big believer in the idea that if someone has already said it best, why try and say it better? Yes, I realize that's a bit of a strange mantra to have, as I am a writer—but, such is life. I'm full of contradictions just like everyone else! Okay so, to the point! There's this one scene in Good Will Hunting when Robin Williams and Matt Damon (Will and Sean) are in a therapy session, shooting the shit about love and life and Williams drops this bomb that has always stuck with me. It's a little corny, sure, but it definitely rings true —

"You're not perfect, sport, and let me save you the suspense: this girl you've met, she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other."