Empaths Attract these 4 Types of Narcissists. Is there One in Your Life?

Because empaths care so deeply, they are often taken advantage of. Those with an agenda may seek out an empath and use him/her to get ahead, satisfy their own desires, or gain a certain image or status. It’s common for an empath to end up in a relationship that leads to feeling drained and used. Narcissists often feel a pull toward empaths. Narcissists are at the other end of the spectrum, but they can often disguise themselves as charming and attractive, in order to gain an empath’s trust, then take what they want or need. Learning to protect yourself is an important part of being an empath.

Are you unconsciously attracting unwanted narcissists?

There are two main types of narcissists: Vulnerable Narcissists and Invulnerable Narcissists, along with four sub-types. Let’s break them down.

1. Vulnerable Narcissists

A vulnerable narcissist is typically very sensitive. They tend to be shy or quiet by nature to disguise their own feelings of self-hatred and unhappiness. They often overcompensate by putting on a mask and playing a character that is completely different from how they’re actually feeling. They want to feel special and put their own feelings above others. They are primarily motivated by the fear of rejection and abandonment. A vulnerable narcissist doesn’t authentically love or care for anyone, and they use emotional manipulation as a tool to gain sympathy and attention from others.

2. Invulnerable Narcissist

An invulnerable narcissist is highly self-confident, cold and has no sympathy for others. They seek power, recognition and pleasure above anything else. They often believe themselves to be superior to everyone else, and they have a inner need to make sure that everyone knows it. An invulnerable narcissist craves power and doesn’t care who they step on in order to get ahead.

Sub-type #1: The Amorous Narcissist

An amorous narcissist uses sexual conquests to gauge self-worth. This type of person uses his or her charm to gain trust and attention from someone, then wants nothing to do with that person once he/she becomes “too boring” for their liking. Amorous narcissists are often labeled gold-diggers, heart-breakers or players. They use others to gain a desired image or status in order to please their own wants and needs.

Sub-type #2: The Compensatory Narcissist

This type of narcissist is driven by a past trauma. They love to create larger-than-life illusions of themselves and their achievements in order to gain power and control. They tend to hunt out those who are emotionally vulnerable, hoping they will serve as an audience to their games. Compensatory narcissists are often extremely sensitive to criticism, and their tools of choice are emotional abuse and manipulation.

Sub-type #3: The Elitist Narcissist

An elitist narcissist will do anything to get to the top. They want to win and be in control of others. They believe that they are better than everyone else, so they deserve special treatment. They have a clear sense of entitlement that can be seen in all aspects of their lives. This type of person is a bragger and a one-upper with a need to be the best and prove that they are superior in every way.

Sub-type #4: The Malignant Narcissist

Malignant narcissists show similar behavior to a psychopath or someone with antisocial personality disorder. They have no boundaries when it comes to moral versus immoral behavior, and they feel no remorse for their actions. They are often arrogant and enjoy outsmarting others. This type of narcissist can easily become dangerous.

Lindsey Shaffer is a writer and editor for DavidWolfe.com and holds a B.A. in Professional Writing and Editing. She is a health and fitness enthusiast and a world traveler with a love of coffee and a passion for adventure.

28 Responses

Good article about narcissists. However… to get out of our victim state, we have to ask ourselves the question… “why are we attracted to a narcissist”? “what is the root cause of our attraction to a narcissistic person?”

Why are you blaming the victim? People cannot help what they’re attracted to. It is nonsensical and futile to, say, tell a woman to be attracted to guys with empathy. It doesn’t work like that. Morally, its upto the other person to not hurt ones who make themselves ‘vulnerable’ to them. Just a far left wing thought. Just dont try to reason too much. It raises uncomfortable and un-PC questions.

I’m not sure what the “don’t try to reason too much” & “un-PC questions” might mean exactly, though I do know that narcissism is crazy-making! Therefore, it’s not very reasonable (even though it’s a deep-rooted defense mechanism – it’s such a gnarly one, yuck!) & many people are very uncomfortable talking about narcissism – they just can’t believe it exists (or don’t want to!).

That being said, I can tell you understand that this awful thing really does exist. & I appreciate so much you validating the victims of this type of abuse.

I agree that victims should not be held responsible (they are not), especially children of narcissists. I can only say though, as we grow into having control of our own lives, we should learn about what has happened to us that makes us vulnerable to further abuse so we can heal & really be our true selves & engage in a life that appropriately reflects that.

& still, all that being said, the pain & rage I feel towards abusers, I know that it’s all easier said than done.

Narcissism is insidious. It hurts the world.

PS: I thought this article didn’t explain narcissism very well, but I still appreciate it getting information out there. I also prefer co-narcissist to empath, as I really think it’s like being a co-dependent.

You didnt notice the sarcasm. All this talk of ’empaths attracting narcissists’ is just rationalizing the fact that people are attracted to good looking, hot, sexy people who might be emotionally unavailable.

I’ve been told things that honestly makes me think they’re just narcs as well.if you get that vibe this person’s just an asshole, you’re probably right. Tell yourself there’s 7 billion people in world. This whole empath thing sometimes, not always, it just sounds like, that person is actually human, not dead inside, and is genuine. It’s like really, we just went through trauma and you want to level it out and call us Empaths? Eff that. Then please describe who all the normal people are then.
Narc abuse is real. The physical abuse they do, then deny. The projection, triangulation, gradual coercive control. All real. I’d rather be single than that. It is insidious. I called mine insidious as well. They’re like tornadoes..damaging more than they know. Carelessly.

Sometimes you don’t even realize the person you’re dating is a narcissist because most come off as cunning, charming, and charismatic (I know, I dated one before). So I wouldn’t blame the victim but it’s good to be aware and know the red flags and leave the relationship ASAP. Also helps to have friends who can tell you what you’re not seeing.

I would be interested to know how many people read this assuming that they are the empath. Rather than read it and ask “What type of narcissist am I?”. I would argue that if you passively read this and cast yourself in the morally correct decent human being role, you are probably a bigger narcissist than you realise.

Excuse me, but that’s just wrong. It’s the narcs who don’t believe they are narcs and refuse to seek therapy or face their behavior. Those of us who read everything we can on the subject, submit ourselves to testing and on-going therapy truly want to know what we were dealing with in our toxic relationship. The narcs just walk away.

Ok I take your point, and its well made, but I would take a moment to think about the description of the vulnerable narcissist. The opening few lines read like a symptomatic diagnosis of depression. And then it goes into a systematic dehumanisation of this person by describing them as a selfishly motivated individual. Completely discounting the whole spectrum of human emotion in a rabble of pop-psychology nonsense.

The invulnerable narcissist is the kind of architypal narcissist most people would think of when they hear the word, but that point doesn’t lend any legitimacy to the article.

But ultimately my point was. I would be interested to know how many people automatically self diagnosed as the empath, and subconciously rejected the idea that in somebody elses perception of reality they could be percieved as the narcissist.

I think everyone is a bit of a narcisstic but that doesn’t make them diagnosed as narcissists. Like psychology, we may exhibit and have some behavior traits from disorders but doesn’t mean we are diagnosed with them.

Oliver Taylor that is a serious consideration for all people, that should be considered. who read these articles and a valid observation that is stated here. One possibility that I would consider, even for myself, concerning this point made, is that an actual Narcissistic Sociopath would not even consider, or take the time to read these articles in the first place because they cannot admit guilt for anything, also everything they do is right and acceptable to them. because their needs come first, no matter what. This alone doesn’t prove that the reader is not also a Narcissist, but would be a strong indicator, to me anyway, that that particular reader is not the Narcissist.

I was married to one of these for 17yrs, stayed because of children (BIG MISTAKE), they are VERY HARD to get away from, you NEED a great support TEAM and a strong will to get them out of your life. I had to change all the locks.

There’s phrase they use as well “I love you for everything you are and for everything you are not” and gives you an endearment name like “Sunshine” but everyone other women gets the same endearment this way they do not have to keep things straight and are making you feel special. They are controlling, manipulative and very insecure in their own skin but but it all on you. If you see any of the signs mentioned in video, you just need to RUN and do not look back.

I have an aunt who falls into sub type #2: The Compensatory Narcissist. She was my godmother, and felt the need to constantly remind me of that fact. She would go on these lengthy ramblings about how important she thought she was because of that label. Being the youngest of 7 children, she was a typical spoiled, obnoxious brat who apparently never outgrew that phase of her life. But it wasn’t just with me – she ALWAYS thought that she knew what was best for everybody else.

A few years ago, I was going through a difficult time – I had some legal and financial issues and was facing the possibility of being deployed to the Middle East for the third time. Long story short, my mother decided to get her involved because we lived close by. Big mistake! I went to her house for dinner, and she started it off by trying to lecture me about my lifestyle choices – mainly the fact that I was not married (she is on her second marriage and has NO handle on her children). She also revealed that she had led the cops on a wild goose chase to my house while I wasn’t home. That, in and of itself, was no big deal – until she tried to blame it on me. There was no way it could have been HER fault!

Then as I was getting ready to leave her house, she tried to tell me “I know exactly what you’re going through.” When I disagreed, she kept repeating and persisting with that statement. The more she tried to sell me on how much I needed her, the more she made me realize that I didn’t. When she saw that I wasn’t buying it, she threw a temper tantrum and lashed out at me – in front of her children – as if I had committed a horrible atrocity. And that was when I finally realized how toxic and fraudulent our relationship was. For three decades, I had passively sat back and put up with her delusional, self-righteous rhetoric – just for her to look down her nose at me and take me for granted.

Ever since that incident, I have had no contact with her. It’s not because I hate her. I wish her well, but I REALLY REALLY wish that she would grow up and get over herself. Until she does, I don’t want to encourage her. And I don’t want her to get any big ideas.

Read the article with great interest as I am married to a narcissist of some kind. Very high IQ, knows everything, 82yo retired attorney, verbally abusive, loves to cut me down till he brings me to tears, loves to lock me off the property (have spent weeks in my truck), loves to scare and threaten me to tears, so I obey and am very quiet. Retired nurse of 41 years only have SS to live on (am 79 and no relatives or fiends). Stay as I have no where to go, and grateful I have a warm couch to sleep on.

You need to get out of that situation. :( I am so sorry. Mine is not bad to the point of locking me out of my own house(that would be bad for him giving that we have 3 YOUNG children at home who only I take care of)…but he is very good at putting me down, verbally/emotionally abusive…my self esteem has taken a turn for the worse over the years before I RECOGNIZED what was going on had nothing to do with me. I went from a very outgoing, spunky person to a person with NO voice. We deserve better. I really hope things change for you. Life is too flipping short.

Thank you for your reply Kassandra. (Beautiful name). Cannot imagine being in a narc relationship with 3 kids .. Wow I admire you. Yes, we deserve better, but .. I have no where to go, no money,he doesn’t allow me to have any friends or talk with my son who lives several states away. Thank God for email. I used to be as you were, now NO opinions or voice. Live totally off grid on a mountain in Arkansas, no neighbors, just forest. He has glaucoma,
already blind on one eye. I understand his fears of going blind and having to depend on me. I have some chickens and 2 dogs I confide in. Hope for a miracle for you and our kids. Check Melanie Becklers site, she gives me inspiration.

That’s because empaths are actually not empaths and not a good thing being an empath. They are codependent in reality. Meaning they seek validtation through others outside the self as a way to get love not felt in child hood. If you attract only narcissists you are codependent not an empath.

I think you actually make a good point. I got married to a narcissist because of my own insecurities. It wasn’t until I started becoming secure as my own person and tired of being taken advantage of that I recognized this. And the more secure I become the more powerless and angry he felt. Funny how that works.

At the age of 50, I have finally been able to see clearly how much my mother hits almost every point of an extreme Narcissist. Things from my childhood are clear now to me as the why she did the things she did. I figured out the only reason she got pregnant was because of all the attention she saw other women who were going to have a child were getting. After I was born, of course everyone’s attention turned from her to the baby. I believe she couldn’t stand that someone else was getting more attention than her.. So she got a nanny to be with me just about 24/7. Then when my parents divorced, i was almost 5 yrs old, she had custody of me. She put me in a boarding school quite far from Los Angeles, and didn’t tell my father where I was. My father fought for custody and won. This is back in the early 70’s and a father getting custody was just about unheard of. The mother always got custody. She always made my father out to be the bad one, and of course her “groupie” friends fed into her Narcissism with ” oh poor Davey” . I have just recently learned a lot about Narcissism, the actions , traits etc… and am completely blown away but in a way relieved to know that all the years I bent over backwards for her, I was in battle i couldn’t win or even break even in . Her Narcissism has gotten even more unreal, after she married third hubby whom was self made Billionaire. , Nicest man I have ever met. he passed away and she got it all. never had a 9-5 job. . I keep hoping to find something on the net that will help her see the hurt and pain she has caused to her only child. But I see that there isn’t some miracle pill or whatever. and it makes me sad that I care and love her, she is my mom, but she can never be a mother to me. She doesn’t know how. It’s always about her, and when she gets singled out and the facts put in front of her that, hey you need to quit throwing the blame on everyone else and take some responsibility that just maybe she is the one that has the issues or problems.. That it’s her actions that cause some of the reactions from others.. When that happened, you could see in her actions she didn’t like that and she did her best to flip the issue back on my father. That she didn’t do anything wrong. etc.. A friend of mine that first saw her said my God your mother is beautiful .. but after getting to know her .. told me she may be beautiful on the outside but that lady is ugly from her non existing heart to a soulless body. She does not have a drop of empathy!. Even one of her next door neighbors told me that I’m better off without her in my life and that most of the neighbors around her do not like her at all. The hardest thing for me is to try and completely forget that I even have a mother or to not care about her. lol as she said to me the last time she talked to me was that “I WAS TOO EMOTIONAL AT MY FATHERS Funeral so I had to be on drugs and alcohol. : and then sent me to a “rehab” place.. the only thing they could come up with was I have some deep seated abandonment issues from childhood.. = I just laughed and told them “Hell I could have told you that from the start” I’ve just learned to accept it. Not saying that I like it but I learned early , that that’s the way my life was. I didn’t know any other way. except that my friends had their parents there for them. I still have a way to go to heal and accept what is, is.. I’m too emotional and just happen to care a little.. so just showing that she means nothing to me as I am to her .. gonna take some work… umm do they have any classes like Narcissism 101? or beginner Narcissism ? my dad passed down his zest for sarcasm to me … :)

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