Brandon Davis is living in the past

Brandon Davis recently got out of rehab but showed up drunk to the launch of party of Paris Hilton’s debut album at Suite in Miami and, after crawling on stage, starting yelling about a Firecrotch song he wrote for Lindsay Lohan.

“I wrote a special new song called ‘Firecrotch,’ and it’s for Lindsay Lohan!” He proceeded to ramble on, reminding folks about his infamous online video rant against the actress, which led to him checking into rehab in the first place. An insider tells us the “Firecrotch” song is real and was produced by Scott Storch, who twiddled knobs on Hilton’s album.

It was amusing the first time he called Lindsay Lohan a firecrotch but now it’s getting kind of old. With that much money you’d think he could come up with better ways to get attention than just rehashing his old material. Like buying a couple of bald eagles and eating them in Times Square. Or taking a dump out the window of his solid gold car.

I haven’t heard anything about Lindsay Lohan these days. I wonder what she’s up to. I used to hang out with her all the time, and by that I mean playing with dolls in my parents’ basement before crying myself to sleep.

This guy’s more obsessed with Lohan than both the Superfish guy and the bikini shop combined! I wouldn’t exactly be shouting from the mountaintops about hanging out with Porous “the human petri dish” Hilton either. He’s even got the alcohol sweats going… gotta love it. Moron.

He’s probably in the tertiary stage of syphilis and is suffering from mind rot. Linds, aka “Firecrotch”, is probably the one that infected him, hence his demented infatuation with one whose cootch apparently smells like shit.

Let’s not skip over the fact that this man is heinously ugly. I imagine he’ll be 57 years old hanging out at some raunchy dive bar screaming “FIRECROTCH” at the top of his lungs and then start laughing maniacly. Then he’ll stumble to his bed made of money underneath a bridge somewhere, because it doesnt matter if he’s rich, he’s still a fucking troll.