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My character has ended up in a bizarre (well, for most people at least, for him things like this happen every day) situation. Just as he was about to make the payment to claim his millions of dollars, an unexpected arrival has thrown a spanner in the works...

Quote:

Dear Barrister Williams,
Good day to you old fellow. Gadzooks, you will not believe what has happened to me this afternoon!I came home from collecting the money, with every intention of just going straight to the Western Union office and sending you the payment, but you will never guess what happened to me...

When I got into the living room, there was a dead fellow there. He hadnt been murdered or anything, he was dead, in his funeral suit and in his coffin, which was on a stand in the middle of my living room. I was shocked...I mean, I dont even know who the fellow was, and here he is, lying in a coffin in my living room!

I called the funeral directors, and explained that there was a corpse in my living room. The man I spoke to was very helpfull at first, and eventually we worked out what had happened. Turns out, Mr WIlliams, that the coffin containing the deceased chap was meant to be delivered to the local Cemetery, but due to a mix up in the funeral directors computer systems, was delivered to my house, and because my door was opened, they just set the coffin up in the living room!

I thought that the problem would then be sorted, but alas, it only got worse. As I spoke to the man at the funeral directors, I thought that they would simply drop by, pick up the recently-departed stranger and be on their way. Now, Mr Williams, I cant remember the exact wording of the phonecall, but it went something like this....

"So, when will you be round to pick him up?"

"Well, it's not as simple as that, Mr Andre, there are rules to be adhered to!"

"Like what?"

"Well, your address is listed on the funeral papers as his final resting place, so moving him would technically be graverobbing, so before you move him you have to get exhumation permit from the council"

So, I called the local council and explained the situation. For some reason, the girl I spoke to thought it was hilarious, and once she had stopped giggling she informed me that they would send me out the application form in the post, but to actually get the permit it can take up to 6 weeks to come through, and until then , Im stuck with a dead man in my living room who Im not legally allowed to move! When I asked the girl at the council for a bit of advice, she simply replied "keep the windows open and the heating off" then laughed some more and hung up!

Mr WIlliams, what on Earth am I supposed to do! I'm hosting a dinner party in two weeks time and my guests will not be amused if there is a decaying corpse lying in my living room!

Regards,

Peter Andre
Honorary Grand Fellow of the C.L.I.T Programme

Luckily, my lad has just the sloution!

Quote:

Attn PETER ANDRE

That is a very unfortunate situation. Surely the family of this man are not happy that theyre man is dead in a strange room!
You should buy lots of air spray and bug spray to keep the air clear, put a sheet over the coffin and your dinner gests never need know.

I would not say that you should let this keep you off the job in hand of claiming the beneficiary amount of $22.8 USD
so you should make the payment of this as soon as possible because the dead can wait but this needs your immediate
action so go to the WESTERN UNION office and pay the $1250 as soon as possible.

I await your reply

Barr Fr. Williams

By God, Ive missed baiting!

_________________YOU SENT NO PAYMENT YOU IDIOT AND MURDDERER!!!!!! - Kenneth Duke

"Also believe in the Nectarines and hail them as my eternal forefathers and universal leaders"- Sir Frederick MacGregor

"THIS NONSENSE ACT OF YOURS HAS CAUSED ME LOOSING UP TO $350 USD ALL TOGETHER TO GET TO KASTINA SINCE ON MONDAY!!"- Barrister Usman Bello

"WHAT HELL ARE YOU ? YOU ARE A MAD MAN, YOU NEED TO BE CURED BY YOUR OCCULTIC MEMBERS, I CAN SEE THAT THEY HAVE TAKEN YOUR BRAIN" - Barrister Harry Brown

"YOU ARE GOING STUPID , ARE YOU OUT OF YOU MIND ? YOU FOOLISH WHITE MONKEY AND YELLOW PIG."- Barrister Isa Usman

_________________ X 27
i am tired and i am waisting my morning
i am tired of all these rusbish, i am waisiting my time andf mone
Ok i will try and take the form to my staff members, once i get the form filled, i am not ready to fill another form, make sure that this is all the forms, i am going to fill them and once i get them done, i will not fill another form
If you see how i was insulted in the western union office, you will pitty me - nope you're wrong there pal

sir scam alotDoesn't share his goats

Joined: 19 Mar 2008
Posts: 5076
Location: Louisiana

Posted:
Tue Jan 13, 2009 4:00 pm

Sounds like your lad has watched "Fawlty Towers".

_________________ = Rev. JB Johnson. Lome to Parakou "i thought it will just be a day jouney. unknowingly to me that it will last up to one week."
2 = Harrison: Owerri, Nigeria to Cotonou, Benin and Accra, Ghana "i know ive been a sucker for twat "
= (Group safari) Oy3nka Ch1dinma: Lagos to Cotonou: "Thank you so much for the embrassment."
= Group safari - Dan Nkwerre: Port Harcourt to Abeche, Chad
2 = Barr. Mustapha Marlick: Lome, Togo to Abuja Nigeria and Accra, Ghana.
x15 (some survived) x280
<b>Have you kicked your lad today?<b>
Over $1 million USD in fake checks/money orders confiscated

Maybe you could tell the lad that you buried the naked corpse in your back garden face down, with its arse sticking out of the ground...so you had somewhere to park your bicycle.

_________________£1,052,334.30 (=US$2,121,125.60) lads fake cheques out of circulation (at 11/6/2008)
x135 (at 26/9/2008) x138
"i see your not interested in the transaction but catching your fun, calling names and my muckery of me." - Usman Bello
"You need to visit a good psychiatrist very fast, because some nuts are missing from your brain." - PROF.SOLUDO
"...it is very important you forward the your cycling proficiency certificate which by right belongs to you." - Prof Charles Soludo.
"note i can still change my mind to blow you off and whenever" - T0ny 'The Killerman' Erik
YOUR GENERATION WILL ROAST IN ABSTRACT POVERTY,BASTARD IDIOT -Daniel Mensah

GazMaster of Master Baiters

Joined: 17 May 2005
Posts: 661
Location: Toronto, ON

Posted:
Tue Jan 13, 2009 4:25 pm

Quote:

Maybe you could tell the lad that you buried the naked corpse in your back garden face down, with its arse sticking out of the ground...so you had somewhere to park your bicycle

I like your thinking

_________________YOU SENT NO PAYMENT YOU IDIOT AND MURDDERER!!!!!! - Kenneth Duke

"Also believe in the Nectarines and hail them as my eternal forefathers and universal leaders"- Sir Frederick MacGregor

"THIS NONSENSE ACT OF YOURS HAS CAUSED ME LOOSING UP TO $350 USD ALL TOGETHER TO GET TO KASTINA SINCE ON MONDAY!!"- Barrister Usman Bello

"WHAT HELL ARE YOU ? YOU ARE A MAD MAN, YOU NEED TO BE CURED BY YOUR OCCULTIC MEMBERS, I CAN SEE THAT THEY HAVE TAKEN YOUR BRAIN" - Barrister Harry Brown

"YOU ARE GOING STUPID , ARE YOU OUT OF YOU MIND ? YOU FOOLISH WHITE MONKEY AND YELLOW PIG."- Barrister Isa Usman

I'd send him to the nearest video store (and if that results in a safari all the better) to rent the informational film "Weekend at Bernie's".

This will give him all the corpse handling information that he needs.

_________________"<i>I warned earlier to stop dealing with the the people scamming you but you would not. You shouls stop emailing this fellow who claims to be Godspower but he is not </i>" - Bob the British High Commissioner

"<i>The FBI man stil believes that no body was hacked</i>", "<i>Ididnt mean to orger you around, please do not be anoid we are not fighting</i>" - DHL Nigeria guyman

That is a very unfortunate situation. Surely the family of this man are not happy that theyre man is dead in a strange room!
You should buy lots of air spray and bug spray to keep the air clear, put a sheet over the coffin and your dinner gests never need know.

They've got people saved in mausoleums all over the world and you can go all 'Psycho' on him, saying you can't bear to part with him, and see how he reacts.

Of course there was the film 'Weekend at Bernie's' with the youngsters hauling a body round with them, and if you needed his fingerprint to make withdrawals (which are limited in amount, of course) you'd need to keep him around.

_________________Fake sites killed 1 x 9 x 3 x 168 X - the 'Asparagus Kid' - Accra to Lome - You Must surly Die in The Name Of Jesus Christ
- Steve - Lagos to Accra
- Frank - Lagos to Cotonou - co-bait with the vampire
- Shorty - Lagos to Cotonou - My Agro Base farming where i rearing chicken and other animals was set ablazed overnight and we do not know who is actual behinde all these evils! -
I and my crew was locked up for 3 good days….They wanted to charge us to court but later we are fined an huge amount of money…I asked them why did they arrest the men, they started laughing and saying all sorts mockering words! -
…because now, am left with nothing and remember i told you my Guy (Joe) gave up earlier this morning

_________________
Stop typing in french, am seriously dissapointed....am just confused!!!
You will have my nuts in your hands as soon as i have the latrine in my hand & i will pay the goats to the lawyer
My dear with this only, it is clear you have contacted and communicated with Africa Fraudsters and even send funds to him. what a pity!
YOU ARE A WITCH. MAY YOU MENSURATE NON STOP TILL THE END OF YOUR LIFE
Team Hector:Lagos-Douala,Benin-Liberia,Senegal-Gambia-Mali-Chad, Egypt ,Awka w/ Shorty
Shorty Abidjan w/ Juan
Bibian
Donate to Eater

f you needed his fingerprint to make withdrawals you'd need to keep him around.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooo.

how about you tell your lad that you've done a bit of research on the dead guy and come to find he is very wealthy.......

you've also learned that he hid all of his money in a secret location. and during a recent investigation session, you discovered a tressure map tatooed onto his butt (not sure why you were looking there, pervert)..

_________________Give the lads some extra pain with your own IT admin from hell - visit toolkits for Grooble Gambit

Proud member of "The Todger Club"

< никогда достаточно

TitaniaHell on wheels

Joined: 06 Jun 2008
Posts: 2442
Location: Rollin' rollin' rollin'

Posted:
Tue Jan 13, 2009 8:16 pm

It doesn't matter if your guests are aware that there's a corpse in your living room. YOU are aware of it!

You are losing sleep because at night you hear thumpings and bumpings coming from your living room, and you swear you've heard muffled groans coming from the casket. Things are not where you put them, and you've found carpet fuzzles (from your carpet) on the corpse's shoes.

You are but a shadow of your former self. How can you possibly go to Western Union now? What will happen if you leave the premises?

Flowers for the grave are being delivered and since they are supposed to go on the grave (ie in your lounge), the shippers insist on putting them in your living room. You're sick of the arguments... and pollen gives you hay fever.

The widow shows up. At first you argue about the whole situation... but then things shift, and now you're sure she's coming on to you, there in the lounge, with her recently-deceased husband's coffin near enough to touch... she's young and beautiful (and now quite rich) and by God you're conflicted!

A bunch of Goths turns up. They think the whole setup is really cool and want to be photographed in your lounge pretending it's their place as they hang around the coffin.

_________________I will heed the advice of a polite horse for it is written that more flies are caught with honey than vinegar... although assault carbines and monstrous wolves are still fun.

"This deal does not have anything to do with religion because we are talking about $10.150 million us dollars" -Bangu Mali

"YOUR DEATH IS AT HAND HENCE YOU LEARNT HOW TO DOUBLE CROSS OTHER GUYMAN KEEP IT ON AND WATCH OUT" -Don Jack

"why is it that you dont believed that the unicorn is avaialabe" -Victoria Smith

"i have seen that you are not financially capable to handle this great opportunity maturedly" -Muhammad Bla1se

Earned a pony, earned a bun, still not sure what they mean -->

pablo419Eater is my life

Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Posts: 366

Posted:
Tue Jan 13, 2009 9:53 pm

^^^ Sounds like you need a STIFF drink to relax.
p.

YeaWhateverunimaginable bastard pig

Joined: 24 Oct 2005
Posts: 4188
Location: Secret Lair

Posted:
Tue Jan 13, 2009 9:54 pm

Hmm. Are you sure that the corpse in the coffin is a guy? I mean, if it is that of a girl, she might be rather hot, right? How could this get any better really? Let's say that you come home from a long day at work, have a few drinks to take the edge off, and find yourself feeling a bit romantic. What is she going to do, complain? Tell you that she has a headache? Complain that you don't "cuddle" enough? Hell, go nuts man! But I might have to agree with the lad about the air spray.

_________________<a href="http://www.419eater.com/html/letters.htm" target="_blank">
<i>"I just want to know why."</i> - Koffi Kuku - The Road to Chad/Darfur
<i>"We are in Kampala."</i> - Bernard Martin - The Road to the Bwindi Impenetrable Forest
<i>"i have arrive safe in namibia"</i> - Tony Kalabi - The Road to the Skeleton Coast
<i>"he is in aswan"</i> - Larry Ken - The Road to Abu Sunbul
The Road to the Hot Zone</a>
<a href="http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=89779" target="_blank"> The Making of a TWAT</a>
<a href="http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=100535" target="_blank"> The Second Coming of TWAT</a>
x17

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