Stuck in a Skirt and All That Jazz

I was getting dressed yesterday morning, feeling pretty good about my chosen outfit. I got into my hose, my skirt, my blouse, and as I was buttoning up my blouse, I heard this shzzzzzzzzzzz sound and sudden draft against my ‘tocks. The zipper of my skirt had opened from somewhere around the middle of its length, to its bottom–revealing mine. I reached around to work out the situation, and found that I could not unzip the zipper past the waistband. So, I was stuck.

Fortunately, the skirt had a little give and so do I, and there was the blessing that if skirt fits my hips, it is inevitably two inches too big in the waistband. I thought, “I’ll just wiggle out of this in no time.” I thought wrong.

As I was wiggling, the hook at the top of the zipper got hung on my hose. I didn’t realize that was the problem, thinking it was my hips, and I spent several seconds trying to make myself smaller. When I did figure out it was the hose, I had to figure out how to get the hook out of the hosiery with minimal damage, since I was down to my last pair of those. Success! All those years untangling necklaces was suddenly helpful.

I wiggled myself down a little more, and the hook got hung again, this time snagging a hole so big that the knit of the hose exploded across my left side, like when Luke hits the vulnerable spot on the Death Star. So, my skirt was off, but those hose weren’t going to make it. I wore trousers instead.

I love the skirt, so I googled, “How do you fix a zipper” and found several sets of instructions. One on ehow.com specifically addressed a separated zipper, so after obtaining the proper hardware, I went to work. And I failed. I tried three times, with three different sets of instructions and none of them worked. So I went to Walmart and bought a new skirt (and I am highly recommending these skirts, the matching trousers and blazers. They wear well, look well made, and fit very nicely. I bought black and tan in both trousers and skirts, and only had trouble with the one zipper.) I also bought a garden hose that shrinks up, and this body shaper thing that is supposed to make me look like a tiny Korean woman. I should be barred from the As Seen on TV aisle.

Now, I am going to go wash the car and take Hoo with me. What can go wrong there?