"Apart from sounding like a shadowy gang bent on world domination, is there really a Dubious Goals Committee?" asks Derrick Cameron. "What does it do, who is involved, and is there a secret handshake to become a member?"

There is indeed a Dubious Goals Committee, Derrick - and every time a deflected Frank Lampard shank finds the net, or there's a dispute over who scored a Premiership goal, it springs into action. The committee's job is to decide who actually scored. Video evidence is examined and debated by a three-person committee - consisting of former players and officials who have worked within football - and a judgment announced.

"As a rule, if the initial attempt is goalbound it is credited to the player making the goal attempt," explained a Premier League spokesman. "However if the deflection means that a wayward effort results in a goal then it is attributed to the player who had the last definitive touch of the ball."

The panel sits on an ad hoc basis whenever there have been a number of dubious goals - generally around three or four times a season, but the exact make-up of the committee is shrouded in secrecy. "Their identities are not revealed so as to protect the game's integrity and avoid a panel member being put under pressure to make any particular decision on a goal," added the spokesman.

The Football League, however, do not employ a Dubious Goals Committee and it is left to individual clubs to name the goalscorer - which can lead to wild disagreements over who scored. In November 2002, for instance, every single national newspaper, agency and football factbook agreed that Coventry City defender Calum Davenport had scored an own goal against Burnley. The Clarets, however, gave the goal to Gareth Taylor, who crossed the ball in from near the corner flag before Davenport bundled it into his own net.

SKIVERS, WAGS AND OTHER HOOKY-PLAYING FOOTBALLERS

"I seem to remember a story in the Spanish press when Mohamed Sissoko was at Valencia which said that he told his manager on international week that he had been called up, when this was totally untrue," writes Bill MacLachlan. "Apparently he even had the cheek to say he scored a goal in the match. Is this true and are there any other funny stories of players skiving when they should be at matches?"

Oh it's true, Bill. Well, sort of. After a World Cup qualifier against Senegal last September, the Mali international told Valencia he'd be staying at home to play in a friendly against Kenya. Upon his return, he revealed that he'd played 48 minutes in a 1-0 win (he wasn't cheeky enough to claim the goal for himself, as that would be a bit too implausible), a declaration that turned out to be a big fib - he'd actually been in Paris visiting his father, who was ill in hospital. When Claudio Ranieri, then manager of Valencia, discovered the deceit he saw the funny side and told Sissoko that the club would have happily given him the time off anyway.

More recently, former France international Youri Djorkaeff found himself with some explaining to do for bunking off when he told club officials at New York Red Bulls that he had to return to France to attend to a serious family matter. The domestic crisis in question? Enthusiastically celebrating France's World Cup quarter-final win over Brazil in Frankfurt, Germany, where he was caught by TV cameras.

Earlier this month, Stoke striker Sammy Bangoura ended an unexplained 37-day absence and returned to the club having missed pre-season training. Rumoured to have been at home in his native Guinea, Bangoura's absence infuriated the Potters so much that they stopped paying his wages while he was away. The 24-year-old striker - twice previously late returning to the club from Guinea - eventually reported for duty the day before Stoke's season opener at Southend, claiming that an immigration wrangle involving his five-month-old daughter had caused the delay.

If you know of any other lazy footballers who've been caught skiving when they should have been playing, let us know.

WHERE'S MATT LE TISSIER WHEN YOU NEED HIM?

"Nottingham Forest have missed a penalty in each of their three games this season," observes Mark Hooper. "What's the record for consecutive missed penalties?"

Since Mark posted this question last week, Forest have been the recipients of a fourth spot-kick in as many matches. Unlike the previous three, however, Grant Holt stepped up to successfully dispatch the penalty and end the run. Even if Holt had missed, Forest would have still been three short of the overall record. That dubious honour belongs to Southend, who failed from the spot in seven successive games at the end of the 1990-91 season and the start of the 1991-92 campaign.

Has any team ever been more incompetent from 12 yards? Which individual - other than Martin Palermo and his infamous missed penalty hat-trick - has fluffed the most penalties on the trot before finally losing faith, or his manager finally losing his patience? You know who to tell.

KNOWLEDGE ARCHIVE

"Who was the last league goalkeeper to play without gloves?" asked Carey Smith, way back when.

"That's easy," snorted Tim Shaw, exerting the sort of power that only knowledge can bring. "As recently as 2001, Stephane Henchoz fearlessly went into the fray gloveless in the FA Cup final, and with no thought for his own manicurial safety, successfully palmed away Thierry Henry's goal-bound shot at 0-0. A true hero."

But that, clearly, won't suffice. Keeping more faithfully to the confines of the question, Frankie Bolton rewinds some 17 years. "I remember that Simon Farnworth of Bolton didn't wear gloves in the Freight Rover final at Wembley against Bristol City in 1986. It didn't do us any good as we were still hammered 3-0."

"Who is the oldest player ever to actually play in proper European competition?" asks Anthony Quinn.

"During the England v Greece game, one of the commentators mentioned that a Greek defender had been in the international wilderness for six years," writes Mark Shrimpton. "What is the longest time a player has spent in this wilderness from one match to another international match - not including self-imposed retirements?"

"After seeing that West Ham are due a £3m windfall on Michael Carrick's move to Manchester United, what is the greatest single sell-on fee generated from one individual transfer?" wonders Aidan Rogers.