Logic loses

In the battle of the mind, logic loses. I am struggling with one of the techniques in Karate. I know logically that it will work. I successfully done it several times. But every time I step up to the mat, I battle the terror again. In my mind, I’m lying on the ground unable to breath because the wind was knocked out of me when I fell out of a swing. The image is intense. The struggle to breath is as real as the day it happened about 50 years ago. No amount of reasoning logically with my mind can convince me that if I fall forward and break my fall correctly, I won’t get hurt. I attempt over and over and over. My emotional response leaves me exhausted and terrified to make the attempt. I feel the fear and do it anyway. Hard to describe to someone that has not experienced a flashback the level of terror that defies time and logic.

It’s a lot more than just seeing an image vividly. It effects you emotionally where you feel the things you felt at the time of the event in the flashback. Emotionally you’re convinced you’re still in terrible danger even if rationally you’re clear about what’s real. I can be sitting still and look ok, but be completely horrified and petrified inside. I often smell things from the event or my body feels fuzzy then I get the sensations I experienced at the time. Little forgotten details come rushing back.