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Saturday, June 14, 2014

My apologies. I do not blog nearly as often as I used to, I will change that! I have been going through a lot of changes in my life, some good and some bad, & I am grateful for them all. I am currently still in school working on my bachelors, I start a new job Monday, I am taking care of my beautiful daughter, & I am in a wonderful relationship with my future wife. Life is good. I am still in the Army National Guard, I play semi pro ball for the Louisville Fillies, and I am currently in the process of writing two books, one a memoir and another a collection of my poetry. I will try to get them published but I will self publish if the need be! No shame in my game. To keep with the latest, follow me on Instagram (@bfears) and Google Plus (B. Fears). As always thanks for reading, God bless.

Friday, September 14, 2012

The 2012 BET Hip Hop Awards nominations have landed online. Below I have included the categories and in bold is who I think should win, not who i believe should win. There is a difference. LOL. What do you guys think?

Sunday, May 27, 2012

My relationship with my dad is a weird one. I have spoke on it on my blog before (http://bf3ars.blogspot.com/2009/08/letter-to-my-father.html) and also wrote a song about it. I just really don't understand him or his mindset. I used to be mad, angry, and upset at him. Now that I am older, I no longer feel that way. I just take it for what it is. We will never have a typical father-daughter relationship and I have accepted that and come to terms with it. We don't talk everyday or even once a week. If I'm lucky we might talk once a month. And that's fine. I don't understand it, but it's life. The more I have gotten older I realize as much as I tried to distance myself from him, he will never not be apart of my life. Now that I have a kid of my own, his behavior doesn't make any sense to me. I could never see myself treating my daughter how he treated me. Especially now that I'm older and he doesn't have to deal with my mom, he can come directly to me. It's cool tho. I just have came to terms with it.
One thing that connects me and my dad is our love for the game of basketball. One thing he did for me was to instill a love for the game that has never died. And for that I am forever grateful. Whenever he was in my life when I was younger, we always went to the park and ran with the guys. After everyone left we'd play one on one. I could never beat him and it make me feel a certain way. Yesterday, for the first time ever I beat him, 12-5. I was ecstatic and overjoyed. I wanted to scream and shout to the top of my lungs and tell the whole world. That's when I realized it. No matter what happens, he will always have an influence on my life in some way or another.
Basically, I don't hate him anymore. I just understand our "relationship" and take it for what it is.

The past few days, I have been thinking real hard. I had a revelation! I really need to make a conscious effort to watch my mouth. I am going to try really hard to eliminate swear words from my vocabulary. There are many reasons for this. I mean honestly, they don't serve a purpose. It's pointless. My roommate brought me a Christian bracelet and I can't wear that and call myself a child of God if I am cussing like a sailor. It doesn't make sense. Also my daughter is getting older and that is not the type of influence she needs to be around growing up and learning how to talk. Today during a sermon, the preacher also spoke on how the words that come out of our mouths are a representation of us and God. I am not perfect and every night I pray to be more like Christ and represent him in a good way. This is just another step towards that goal. I know it's not going to happen over night, but I am going to work hard!

Sunday, March 4, 2012

SHAUN "BIG FOOT" "MR. EIGHTEENZ " BARLOW

I honestly was waiting to write this. Cuz I had just a lil sliver of hope that this would be a bad ass dream and I would wake up and everything would be okay. That's how delusional I am about this whole situation. I always say, Shit doesn't seem real til I see you laying in that casket and that couldn't have been true today. Damn man. Seeing you in that casket hurt me. I mean I wanted to fall to my knees and cry. I shed a few tears but I had to stay strong. I sure did cry in the shower when I got home tho. I have so many questions. They will never be answered. But I know for sure the good die young. Cuz you were a great individual. I was so blessed to have you in my life. You changed my life Shaun. You really did. I really do not have one bad thing to say about you. I hate that I am writing this. I really do. But I gotta keep all of our memories close to my heart. We have so many memories. I remember after work you used to come up to my dorm room and we would sit in the parking lot and talk about everything under the sun. Or what about the time it was like 12AM and we got kicked out of the waterfront park? LOL We had so many memories I could go on and on. But just know that you are missed and I am praying for your family. I know you are in heaven watching down on us. Thanks for the memories. I am thankful to have known you for the years that I did. I love and miss you. Watch over me please. I am going to stop now because the tears are starting to fall.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

For as long as I can remember, I've been in love with basketball. I started playing competitively when I was in seventh grade & I haven't looked back since. Ever since my 8th grade year, I have started every team I have played for (except for disciplinary reasons). Basketball was my best friend. When I was sad, down, and depressed basketball understood me. Basketball didn't ask me questions or treat me differently. He accepted me for who I was. When I was in high school, someone joked and said I was going to bring Wilson (a brand of basketball) to the prom. I wish I could have LOL.

After high school, I received a basketball scholarship to play basketball for Saint Catharine College. It was only for the junior varsity team but I was still excited because I got to continue to live my dream, which was to play basketball. I had the mindset that I was gonna play a year for JV and then move up to the varsity. It didn't work out that way, and I ended up quitting the team. I started for the team and was one of the best players on the team but in retrospect I Didn't appreciate what I had.

Now that I am at Spalding University and not receiving alot of playing time, I look back and realize that at SCC I was too cocky. I was 18 years old and thought I knew everything. This has definitely been a humbling experience. Last year at Spalding, I played a total of 40 minutes the ENTIRE season. Yeah, I'm serious. It was a very difficult year mentally and emotionally for me. But I made it through even though I wanted to quit. I used to ask myself last year, why are you still here? I guess I didn't want to quit because of my love for the game.

This year, I knew it was going to be different. We have 5 seniors so I didn't think I was going to start, but through two games I have played a total of ZERO minutes. Yeah Zero. That is not a typo. It's so bad. I am literally the only person on the team who doesn't get into the game. This has taken a toll on my confidence. I used to be confident in my talent and my ability to play this game. I am not so sure anymore. I wanted to quit after the first game of the year. But my teammates talked me out of it.

People ask me all the time. Why play, if you are not playing? That is a damn good question, and one I ask myself all the time. I come across people all the time who played basketball in high school and who were fairly decent. Some played on teams that went to state and all. Out of 20 people I know who had the talent to play college ball, only 3 went to play ball. And only two of us are still playing. That is why I play. I pay because I don't want to be 36 and wondering what if. I play for the girl who wrote me on facebook who loves basketball and can't play because she has seizures. I play for my cousin who died who used to love basketball and played in high school. I play for all of these people.

Whenever I get down, I simply go to the gym and pick up a ball and shoot. Basketball takes me to another place. I used to have a dream of making it to the WNBA. I don't anymore. But after I graduate, I will still try out for a team. Why? Cause you never know. I don't want to wonder what if. I have a future post basketball, but I cannot imagine my life without basketball. So I hope to coach one day. I will always love the game for everything it has given to me. Basketball gave me hope.