Who's Carl This Time

CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR news quiz. I'm Carl Kasell, and here's your host, at the Leed Center for the Performing Arts in Lincoln, Nebraska, Peter Sagal.

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, everybody. It is great to be here in Lincoln, out here on the Nebraska plains. It happens to be tornado season here.

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SAGAL: So we asked the locals, lifelong Nebraskans, what they do when a twister is coming. We got some good advice, so we will be doing our show from the front porch of this theater, camera in one hand, beer in the other.

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SAGAL: So before we're all swept away, give us a call, the number 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

KEITH NYITRAY: Hi, Peter. This is Keith Nyitray, and I'm calling from the beautiful and historic city of Sitka, in southeast Alaska.

SAGAL: Next, the interim editor-in-chief of the San Antonio Express News, Ms. Kyrie O'Connor is here.

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NYITRAY: Hi.

KYRIE O'CONNOR: Hi, Pete.

SAGAL: And finally, making his Nebraska debut, it's the writer most recently of "Alphabetter Juice," Roy Blount Jr.

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ROY BLOUNT JR: Hey Keith.

SAGAL: You're going to play Who's Carl This Time, Keith. Carl Kasell is going to recreate for you three quotations from this week's news. Your job, of course, identify or explain just two of them. Do that; you'll win Carl's voice on your home voicemail. Ready to go?

NYITRAY: Yeah.

SAGAL: Here we go. Your first quote is Barack Obama reminiscing, with Brian Williams, about a fun filled evening exactly one year ago.

KASELL: I let Michelle know, you know, that I'm probably going to miss dinner because I've got a few other things going on tonight.

SAGAL: Mr. Obama spent the week reliving the good times from a year ago, when what happened?

NYITRAY: When Osama bin Gotten.

SAGAL: Yes. Oh, yes, the raid on bin Laden.

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SAGAL: And now, traditionally the first anniversary of a successful military raid is celebrated as the camo anniversary.

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SAGAL: Although, and this is so typical of him, the President nearly forgot the anniversary. He had to send Leon Panetta out at the last minute to get something for al Qaeda from Kay Jewelers.

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SAGAL: Now, Obama has had no bones about politicizing the death of bin Laden, but of course, he's much more sophisticated about it. If Rudy Giuliani used to be just "Noun, verb, 9/11", President Obama is "Noun, verb, predicate, subjunctive clause, peroration, I shot Bin Laden, interrobang."

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SAGAL: But the President has been celebrating, and he did this long interview with Brian Williams. They actually went back to the Situation Room where that famous photo of them watching the raid was taken. I guess if you're going to take a tour of the White House to see the site of a president's most exciting moments, it's better to do it with Obama than, say, Clinton.

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SAGAL: Clinton would be like, well, it was over there, and also in the closet, and under the desk.

PIERCE: Come on, over back here, this little room behind the Oval Office. "No, Mr. President, I don't want to go there." No, no, no, no, no. And do you have any hand sanitizer?

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PIERCE: Too soon?

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SAGAL: All right, very good. Here, Keith, is your next quote.

KASELL: There's a wild and crazy man inside of him, just waiting to come out.

SAGAL: That was a political spouse talking about her husband, trying to...

NYITRAY: That would be Ann Romney in her $990 shirt.

SAGAL: Yes, my god, you are up on this.

O'CONNOR: Yes.

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O'CONNOR: Yes.

SAGAL: Before we get into the unimportant stuff, let's talk about the shirt. That was Ann Romney, of course, talking about her husband Mitt Romney, the presumptive Republican nominee. And yes, during interviews on TV this week, she did wear a remarkable shirt that had two fish...

JR: A remarkable shirt?

SAGAL: Am I right about this?

PIERCE: No, they were birds. They were parakeet, I think.

JR: Pisces.

O'CONNOR: I couldn't tell what they were.

PIERCE: The point was, you don't wear that on the Today Show because people like me haven't put our glasses on yet. I thought she'd had a full body tattoo.

SAGAL: It was very strange.

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SAGAL: Anyway, back to what Ms. Romney said about there being a wild and crazy man inside of her husband Mitt. They're trying to shake the candidate's stiff image over at the Romney campaign. But really, there's a wild and crazy man inside of Mitt? The only way that could be true is if he were pregnant with Steve Martin.

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SAGAL: One of Mitt Romney's advisors - this is true - was asked this question. Well, you say he's very funny; tell us an example of Mitt Romney's sense of humor. And he told this true story: back when Mr. Romney was governor of Massachusetts, his security detail short-sheeted his bed in a hotel.

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SAGAL: OK, that's what the troopers did. No, hang on, hang on, it gets better. And Governor Romney, to get back at the trooper, faked a letter from the hotel, saying the hotel housekeeper had been fired because of it.

JR: Ah, there you go.

SAGAL: That was his joke. It's not funny to Mitt Romney until somebody gets fired.

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SAGAL: Here's Mitt's favorite joke: how many employees does it take to change a light bulb? One, then you fire him.

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SAGAL: A Jew, a Muslim and a Catholic walk into a bar, because they needed a drink because they were fired.

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SAGAL: Knock Knock. Who's there? You're, you're - oh crap.

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SAGAL: Now, the other big story this week in the political world, who was going to be Mr. Romney's running mate? So you've seen that Romney appeared with Marco Rubio, with Chris Christie. Well, joining us now to evaluate some of the possible picks is Mr. Mark McKinnon. He's a Republican strategist and former adviser to President George W. Bush and to John McCain. Mark McKinnon, welcome to WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

MARK MCKINNON: Hey, delighted to be here.

SAGAL: It's great to talk to you, Mark.

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SAGAL: So we wanted to go over some potential running mates for Mitt Romney that are sort of out of the mainstream. Because we were thinking maybe he wants to make an untraditional choice. And we were looking at some people in the news that have a lot of appeal. For example, Jessica Simpson just had a baby, a big baby. So, how about a Romney/Jessica Simpson's Giant Baby ticket?

SAGAL: Her skeleton actually hasn't fully formed yet, so I think that would be...

MCKINNON: Right, so no skeletons.

SAGAL: Still got the fontanel. Is there a platform that, like, you could - or a slogan you can run on with a celebrity baby?

MCKINNON: Hope and change. Hope and change the diapers.

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SAGAL: There you go. I like it.

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MCKINNON: Hope and change the diapers.

SAGAL: I'm looking at Romney Giant Baby 2012.

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SAGAL: Thank you so much. Mark McKinnon is the global vice chairman of Hill and Knowlton Strategies. Thank you so much, Mark. We'll talk to you again.

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MCKINNON: Thanks.

SAGAL: Here's your last quote.

KASELL: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

SAGAL: That was our radio version...

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SAGAL: ...of a famous painting that sold for a record $120 million dollars at auction this week.

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SAGAL: What was it?

NYITRAY: That would be Edvard Munch's The Scream.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed, The Scream.

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SAGAL: Everybody knows this painting. You've seen it on t-shirts and dorm room posters. It often appears with amusing captions like: oh my god, I just spent $120 million on a dusty piece of canvas.

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SAGAL: If you still can't conjure what it looks like, imagine a bald Macaulay Culkin on acid.

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SAGAL: Which would also be like a recent photograph of Macaulay Culkin, I guess.

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SAGAL: The $120 million. That surpassed the previous record. It was held by Picasso's masterpiece Nude, Green Leaves, and Bust. Art historians believe Picasso could have held the record if he had gone with the original idea: Nude, Nude, and Even More Nudes.

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SAGAL: Why would anybody spend $120 million on a painting? The owner is anonymous. We don't know who it is.

JR: Yeah, it's not like...

PIERCE: It's because he spent $120 million on a painting. The relatives are going to think he's nuts.

SAGAL: He doesn't want people to know?

O'CONNOR: You know, you could buy a lot of $990 shirts for $120 million.

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SAGAL: Carl, how did Keith do on our quiz?

KASELL: Keith, you had three correct answers, so you win our prize.

NYITRAY: All right.

SAGAL: Thank you so much.

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NYITRAY: Thank you, Peter.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright National Public Radio.