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Thursday, December 12, 2013

great unexpectations

My parents are in town from Missouri and we are having Friends over tonight- Cocktails with the Kellys. I'm happy and excited. I am enjoying some silence before the frenzy of more preparation starts.Sometimes we want to drive someone to exactly where we want them to be...but all we can really do is take their road trip with them. Their destination isn't really up to us. There are just too many things just not within our control. Often- while they simultaneously have the ability to crush us, hard times are often the best and only teachers of perspective. I'm replacing, I'm having a hard day with-- I AM LEARNING PERSPECTIVE. It sounds much more productive. What do you really learn when everything is perfect though, except nothing lasts forever? Which is GREAT news- nothing lasts forever. That means the hard times don't last forever either.I hope the inspiration and perspective I receive from Greyson and Parker is contagious. I think it is. I get TICKLED because you love my boys too. That is one of the best gifts writing has given us- Your Love, your prayers, your heart and your hope. It's positively RADIANT.My almost envy turns into inspiration watch my boys do things so deliberately. I felt it yesterday- coming home from the grocery store. Parker was eating chips. I shovel chips into my mouth. Sometimes eating an entire bag without realizing it. Parker took each chip out of the bag slowly and deliberately. He would leisurely put it in his mouth and crunch...His tiny fingers covered in salt and shiny with grease.I stood there watching him before I got him out of his car seat, spellbound by his ability to be content. Sometimes that is a skill I need to learn.As we grow up, we learn about the world and about life. We unlearn our childlike ways. How to jump completely, how to eat chips slowly and whole heartedly, how to chase bubbles like they are the grandest things in the world. And then when you become a parent, you relearn how to be a kid all over again. It's never too late to have a good childhood all over again.Sometimes words limit our understanding and our connections with one another. I am learning to communicate without words. There is so much I realize now, just by paying attention in silence.The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've had. (author unknown) It's amazing what you can hear in the pauses of Life. Bubbles are like feelings-they are beautiful no matter the state, and they always pop.I am often scared of the unexpected, but I also realize that Life often gives us unexpected gifts too- everything unexpected doesn't have to be bad. Yesterday Greyson shocked me, and for the first time since June, he wanted to get in the truck.I was so proud of this unexpected gift that I started to cry.

Time is also a great giver of perspective. Last week I felt torn open again, and after I got very quiet, I found tenderness in my pain. I know the pain will come again, but it will also go again. Feelings don't have to last forever. I remember last week I said I felt like I was giving birth- but this week, I feel more like I am being born. We can't escape pain. We can't escape confusion, fear, or the unexpected. We fight those things which then robs us of so much energy. Sometimes it helps to just make peace, even with pain. It frees up that energy for so many other wonderful and unexpected things instead.Love,Chrissy

4 comments:

Hi Chrissy, I've been reading your blog religiously since I stumbled upon it after the news item about trash truck wednesdays and your wonderful, giving Frank. I look forward to reading your beautiful, honest words each morning with my cup of tea before the craziness of my day starts. It's like my own little therapy session because your words stay with me all day. On the surface, aside from having two sons, I don't feel like we have all that much in common, but when I read your posts I realize we have everything in common. Everything you write I find myself thinking, "Me too!". Your honesty and openness is refreshing.Your blog has also greatly opened my eyes about what I need to be teaching my sons. About compassion, kindness, acceptance. To love and accept someone exactly as they are. Greyson and Parker are exactly who they are meant to be, and my sons are exactly who they are meant to be. Your words have helped me let go of the little things and see the big, loving, beautiful picture. Thank you for everything that you write. You are reaching more people than you will ever know. And I have crazy envy of your photography skills. Your pictures are gorgeous. I love the bubble pictures from today's posts. Your posts capture Life so beautifully.~Emily