MEEEOWWW!!
GOTTA LOVE THOSE COUGARS! Stink Mitt look forward to the audience “cumming” on
them at Call The Office tonight.

“I was standing at a bus stop, when Betti [Forde] was getting kicked
out of a moving van. All her shit flew towards me — her rap mic landing
at my feet. I had just bought the same one, so there was an automatic connection,” says
MC Jenni Craige, while munching on some peameal bacon. This is the story of
Stink Mitt.

Formed just over a year ago in Surrey, British Columbia, Stink Mitt is the
lovechild of MC Jenni Craige, MC Betti Forde and Dr. Do This — a single
mom of six, a cougar and a mysterious keyboardist, respectively. Playing to
sold-out crowds and stellar reviews since before the summer 2003 release of
their debut LP Scratch ’n’ Sniff, Craige is not surprised by their
success: “We’ve been around lots, [just] not for very long.

“The success has been great. We were getting the payback before putting
in the work, plus we like the young boys and the free drugs,” Craige
jokes. But their love for young men is no joke; in tracks like “Jailbait,” Stink
Mitt openly discuss their passion for the peach fuzz. “They don’t
talk back and are easier to violate,” she explains.

Teenage boys are not their only target, as Stink Mitt thank “all the
party sheep they have fucked” in their liner notes. “They don’t
talk back [either]! Plus, a sheep can never press charges.

“We never [wanted to manufacture Stink Mitt as an image], we just did
it because we are musicians having fun. We just happen to be dirty-minded individuals,” Craige
explains. However, going slightly beyond their lewd lyrics, Craige and Forde
do rhyme about a lot of prevalent issues in today’s society, especially
those concerning women.

“We don’t want to be pigeonholed as feminists,” she explains,
but Stink Mitt definitely considers themselves to be “equalists” and
their goal is to “turn the tables on the misogynistic hip hop world.
We have been bombarded with this one-sided perspective for so long.”

Thankfully, the future of hip-hop isn’t doomed, according to Craige. “It’s
getting better with artists like Peaches [out there]. There are a lot of women
in the industry who are actually taking some extreme routes [to speak their
mind].”

It is difficult to pinpoint exactly why women are not open about their sexuality,
but Craige speculates many are still exploring. “We’ve lived in
a patriarchal society for so long, it is hard for women to see themselves in
control [of their own sexuality]. By flipping the roles... we’re showing
that you don’t have to play by the man’s rules in order to get
the job done, or to be respected as a human being.”

Their outspoken views have received some negative feedback and Craige thinks
this is because they “challenge a lot of male views.” Stink Mitt
does not think men themselves are solely to blame, however. “For generations
men have been taught and allowed to think one way,” Craige says. “Now
it’s time to teach men a few new things about women.”

In the future, Stink Mitt would like to see a reciprocal teacher-student relationship
with Dr. Dre. They aren’t worried about him forcing any misogynistic
vibes on them, because apparently Gary Oldman has assured Craige that “Dre
will only drop them some beats.” Craige is sure of this as she claims
Oldman is her new lover. “It’s our way of reaching out to an older
audience. Besides, Oldman is great in bed — he has a curved penis and
great ambitions.”

It is clear that Stink Mitt has a fervor for fornication. “But be safe,
get what you want, and remember to leave ‘em bus fare in the morning,” Craige
warns. The first thing she would teach in Sex 101 class is: “There is
something to say for a stranger who will eat your pussy. Marry them.”

Stink Mitt are excited about coming to London and Craige hopes that “someone
from London will be cumming on us.” How should the audience prepare? “We’re
hoping people will give us free drugs. And if London shows some skin, we’ll
show some back. Love, Stink Mitt.”

Check out Stink Mitt tonight at Call The Office.

Stink Mitt Glossary

Camel Toe — “if you don’t know, don’t
read this article”

Meat Curtain Shuffle — a dancing camel toe

Gunt — when the gut and the cunt become one

Sloppy Sock — a very saggy, sweaty vagina

Cherry Go-Round — a gang bang on your period; “We
only do it once a month.”