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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Some cakes are like those ink blot tests you saw in grade school: baffling blobs of color open to interpretation. Well, not exactly; cakes are usually supposed to look like something in particular. Sometimes they taste better, too.

Anyway, since I've gotten a few of these "ink blot" type cakes submitted, I thought it'd be fun to add a little suspense to your daily dose of Wreckage. That's right, boys and girls, now it's time to play...

"Guess That Wreck!"

Everyone ready? Ok, clear your mind of all thoughts. Now, scroll down and tell me what you see:

"What's that? Ah, you see the moon cooking on the grill in a paper bag? [scribbling on notepad] Interesting, veeery interesting... [looking over glasses] And tell me, how IS your relationship with your mother?"

Check back tomorrow for the "answer": I'll post a picture of what the cake was supposed to look like. In the mean time, let's see who can come up with the most outrageous explanation. I may even post the top 3 guesses here, so bring on the funny, folks; fame and fortune await!*

Thanks to Dana W. for inspiring a brand new category! Oh, and Dana? Don't go giving away the answer just yet, k?

*By "fame" I mean a shout-out to your posting name, and "fortune" is used more in the "destiny" sense of the word than the "wealth or riches" sense. So in other words, no, you won't be getting any money*. Unless someone sends it to you, of course. But that someone would not be me. So probably not.

* Or begetting any money, either; 'cuzthat'd just be weird. And wrong. But mostly weird.

It makes me sad that I saw the little football helmets, then had to go Google "fleur de lis football" to determine it had anything to do with the New Orleans Saints, then stare at the image for about five more minutes to figure out it was supposed to look like a stadium.

Everyone else here seemed to have a much easier go of it!

I'm still a little proud of myself, though. WIthout the Googling I did this morning, I wouldn't have been able to verify for you that New Orleans even has a football team, much less what their team name is.

What are you complaining about? Isn't that EXACTLY what the Superdome looked like after the aliens set their ship down on top of it and all the players, squishing their helmets out along the edges like too much barbeque sauce on a sandwich?

I GOT IT! That's a hell of a big salmon! So big in fact that it took the whole Saints football team to lift it onto the grill. They were so charged with testosterone after getting it on the grill, slapping each other on the bums and pulling chest hair and what not, someone got the idea to brand it with a fleur-de-lis. When it was finally done they tried to put it on a serving platter, unfortunately they were all squashed in the process. Sorry Saints fans, you can just hang up your jerseys no Superbowl for you guys this year!

I know what it's SUPPOSED to be, but it looks like it's a horse's mouth. But this particular horse is wearing a fleur de lis "grill" (TOO CRUNK!) in its teeth and a football helmet chain around its neck.

Apparently it's supposed to be a football reference. But for the life of me, all I can see is grilled salmon with a fleur de lis, a grilled steak and beetles surrounding it...And a moldy piece of bread at the top. Oh well!

Clearly it's a giant piece of grilled salmon (branded with a fleur-de-lis) that landed on a muddy football field and squashed all of the football players. All you can see of them are their helmets and the blood oozing around the field.

My initial reaction was "fireplace." ...though I'm not really sure what occasion would call for a fireplace cake. Then I saw the football helmets, and I was like, "Erm, unless they're strange-looking coals, I'm guessing it's something to do with football..."

Before I noticed the football helmets, my first instinct was that it was somehow Boys Scout related - what with the fleur de lis on the top. Then, I thought - oh, it's a campfire, and those are logs, in the middle are flames, and surrounding it are...scorched marshmallows? Rocks? Beetles? Oh wait...those are helmets...ooooh.

Ah, this is a very holy cake. That is a sacred ear of corn setting upon the alter. The grey piece in front is where they sacrifice the corn. The things with stripes and numbers are what do the sacrificing. When your number is up you get sacrificed with the corn. It is a great honor. The grey stone in back is just a couch prop.

It's a promotional cake for a French sushi & martini bar. See, those are 3 big pieces of sashimi (salmon, tuna, and mackerel with the skin still on) decorated with a fleur de lis and surrounded by olives.

Well it's obviously supposed to be one of those Kangol hats that Samuel L. Jackson is so fond of wearing, only they butchered the design so badly that the Kangol sign looks more like a fleur de lis. I'd wear that hat, and I'd eat that cake. I'd even eat that cake whilst wearing that hat. That's how cool I am. Know what I'm sayin', Sam?

Of course it's not the Superdome. What we have here is a re-enactment of the Great Beetle Linen Theft of 1658.Unbeknownst to most historians, it wasn't Louis the 14th's dicey wedding plans that led to tense relations with Spain, but rather the King of Spain sending his hoardes of racing beetles (depicted here with their little racing numbers) to steal Louis the 14th's favorite sheets (which in this cakey re-creation had just been neatly folded after being laundered).As we all know, most men are cranky when they don't sleep well and therefore skirmishes broke out shortly after the incident.*nods earnestly*Seriously, when I first saw the cake I thought bugs under a stack of sheets. This is also why my kids don't ask me for help with their history homework. ;-)

Well, I see football helmuts, I think. Lots of them. But no people and a firey blaze of what I can only imagine is the football field. So I guess the football field is up in flames, "a goner", as my son would say. And the brown mess next to it? I have no idea. I have stared at this thing longer than I would like to admit with a million things to do on a Monday morning. I can't wait to see what the cake was supposed to look like!

It's an orange and yellow sofa overlooking a suspiciously brown football field surrounded by helmets, so I would guess this is a cake made especially for an armchair quarterback! And that "quarterback" must be a fan of the New Orleans Saints. Or possibly French. :-)

Everyone else is saying a stadium, which is entirely plausible. However, I think I'll go against the grain and guess ... The place of the lovemaking, which happens to be in transit by a herd of tiny ants with malt ball shaped helmets to protect from flying debri and fluids.