Dodger Dogs: Girth vs. Length

My weekend consisted of two games at Chavez Ravine. I was there to see a team originally from Brooklyn, now known as the Los Angeles Dodgers, pitted against another team, originally called Los Angeles, before they moved to Orange County to become the California, then Anaheim, and again the Los Angeles Angels…of Anaheim. It should be said that I root for the latter, but that’s neither here nor there.

We were late to Dodger Stadium and moved deftly through the roundabout lots, reaching our seats at the top of the second inning. Walked straight past Panda Express (fully stocked at game’s end..what becomes of the excess food?) and the overpriced Carl’s Jr and on to the real food.

Stopped at two stands that stood next to each other. One, the customary Dodger stand that gave me options of standard Dodger Dogs measuring approximately 13″, roughly 1.5″ past the bun on either side, and the second: the all-beef Super Dodger Dog stand. The Super Dodger Dog measures to the end of the bun, but is approximately 2.3 times the diameter of the former. Both of these gentlemen are created by Farmer John. There were also a variety of brats and hot links.

To keep my ’furter-hole occupied through an inning-and-a-half, I purchased two standard Dodger Dogs, one all-beef Super Dodger Dog, and one Hot Link. I then stepped to the neighboring Gordon Biersch for one serving of garlic fries and a Hefeweizen beer. (Mind you, I’m sharing this food.) I loaded the dogs up with ketchup (catsup for the OC’ers), mustard, relish and onions.

Whatever happened to the turn wheel dispenser that would drop mounds of relish and onions? Now spoons?

Hmph.

I myself consumed a standard Dodger Dog and a hot link that was alarmingly reddish- orange. Burnt Umber. Some unnatural color. I should have been forewarned by the coloration: It ended up being quite hot, forcing me to swill a bit of the ale. This immediately made for an odd combination in my mouth. Waiting a few moments and forcing the medley to settle in my stomach, I set off to consume the garlic fries. If you’ve been to Dodger stadium lately you know that it’s standard to smell the garlic fries clear across the expanse, somewhat akin to Cinnabon pumping their brown sugary smell into the mall, enticing gluttonous consumers to park their oversized rearends on impossibly small chairs. (That said, the new Dodger stadium chairs are quite comfortable.)

Amid chants, festive organ music and taunts to visiting fans, I enjoyed the Gordon Biersch fries which were everlovingly soaked in oil and topped with copious amounts of salty garlic, thus causing me to consume furthur amounts of Gordon Biersch Hefeweizen. Hmm…

Both the frankfurters and the fries were satisfying beyond my expectations. As the temperature eventually pushed 80, I also enjoyed a refreshing Carnation chocolate malt.

After a game in which the visiting Angels were handily defeated came the monetary cost of the afternoon. Sans ticket and parking, the not-so-refreshing tally of $20.25 for four dogs, $14.75 for garlic fries and a beer and $5.00 for the malt came to $40.00 even. This, and I witnessed my team get clobbered Saturday as well as Sunday (a day of mandatory gastrointestinal recovery). I completed my colonary tour of Dodger Stadium by tearing my jersey off, throwing my head in my hands and weeping openly for four hours.