Sasuke’s Hidden Emo No Jutsu!

YOSH!!! Hey WRA, nope this isn’t the Naruto breakdown but instead a joke theory of mine I wanted to share after this last chapter had me wondering…why in the hell do people keep killing themselves around Sasuke!? Either that or they sacrifice themselves for his sake. It’s like he exudes an atmosphere of pure emo that makes people want to give up their lives. Whether it be through sacrifice or suicide if you hang around Sasuke long enough it seems you’re going to die or get seriously hurt. Do we really want Naruto to save Sasuke if he’s just going to end up offing himself by putting a rasengan up his own ass? I sure don’t… My theory is just like Naruto has a mysterious power to make friends so easily. I too believe Sasuke has an innate ability. A talent he has been using all along to advance his goals and sink further into darkness. I call it Emo no Jutsu! Let’s go through its track record. (If you’re a hardcore Sasuke fan, offended by emo bashing, and/or offended by the frequent use of the word “suicide” I wouldn’t read this post). >_>

Look at how Sasuke's power influences a sick and dying Kimimaro!

The very first victim of Sasuke’s Emo no Jutsu is Kimimaro. Yes, this jutsu is so powerful that the victim doesn’t even have to come in contact with Sasuke to be affected. The aura of emo just permeates out of Sasuke’s body to the most useful victim and takes over from there. Sasuke doesn’t have to know his victim either. The emo in him knows who to seek out and who is most vulnerable to succumb to its power. For you see the emo is very strong with Sasuke but at this point he doesn’t know how to control it.

And Juugo is probably next...>_>

And does Sasuke care how he affects others with his influence? Nope, not as long as he stays alive to claim more victims and sacrifices. Kimimaro was just the first victim of Sasuke’s progress down the path of emo.

Look at that sunken posture of distraught hopelessness shared between Sasuke's first two victims! Coincidence or Sasuke's powers at work?

Fast forward 3 years and Sasuke’s Emo no Jutsu has greatly increased in power. Now we’ll see our first suicide and it’s from Sasuke’s second victim, Deidara. Deidara was young, vital, and full of life. Why would he kill himself in battle when he could live to fight another day? Was it really because he wanted Sasuke dead that much, or was it Sasuke’s hidden power at work once again? o_@

Here we can see Sasuke's jutsu driving Deidara to commit suicide in such a heinous act. He left us to soon. R.I.P. (Rest In Particles) Deidara. T_T

And there we have it. Our first suicide in the line of many thanks to Sasuke’s gift. You think this is just a one time thing? Let’s move on to his next victims. >(0_0)>

Sasuke learning how to harness the emo powers and make others sacrifice themselves for him. Terrible I know! O_O

Didn’t I say Juugo would be next? 😦 Sasuke has gathered a team of sacrifices to keep his life going. Under normal circumstances a group of such independent ninja would never risk their lives to save someone they they just met like this. They weren’t in their right minds obviously. It was Sasuke’s ability again and the scariest part is he’s learning to control his emo powers at this point. @_@ He fooled us by trying to look guilty over his teammates sacrifices. In reality that was just him concentrating on shooting his emo beams directly towards each of his teammates, so should the need arise he has direct control of when and where they would sacrifice their bodies for the greater cause. No one is safe not even his brother.

You can't fight emo with medicine.

Yes, that’s right Itachi’s mysterious disease! What was it? I’ll tell you what it was. It was his initial contact with Sasuke as a child. Though Sasuke was happier back then and his ability was largely camatose it still affected Itachi in a large way. I think we all know how.

Basking in the moonlight before he goes on his emo killing spree.

Itach loses himself and goes on to murder his entire clan in cold blood! T_T There’s more than one agenda to why Itachi left the village. It wasn’t solely to escape the village’s wrath but also to distance himself as far away possible from Sasuke’s emo influence. It was far to late for him though and he became infected with Sasuke’s emoness which slowly ate away at his body.

Planned death = Suicide! Itachi is Sasuke's 2nd suicide victim!

After not being able to withstand the disease Sasuke left him with Itachi decides to go on a suicide mission and kills himself by depleting all of his chakra in battle. Oh yeah, it’s pretty bad when even someone as strong as Itachi can’t resist the Emo no Jutsu.

Sasuke's full Emo no Jutsu at work.

Next up we have our latest suicide victim Danzo. Is it mere coincidence that Deidara, Itachi, and Danzo all killed themselves in battle with Sasuke? Lol, if you convince yourself that then you might as well tell yourself that Kishi is only doing that to give Sasuke a chance of redemption…>_> Anyway, by this point in the manga Sasuke has full control over his emo powers and all he has to do is look at you while you’re in a weakened state to make you commit suicide. I just figured out why Sasuke activated his left MS when he stabbed Karin and Danzo. He was activating his Emo no Jutsu on Danzo which made him kill himself!

That was the latest victim so far of Sasuke’s rampage but lets look at the adverse affects it has had on people close to him in the past. If Sasuke is close to someone at some point, as we can see with Itachi, then there’s a high chance his power could leave a mark on them. Actually, we’ve seen it affect his former teammates and you’ll notice this if you just look what happens around them.

Sasori commits suicide in the battle with Sakura! Sakura, you wouldn't be so surprised if you knew he killed himself because the remnants of Sasuke's emoness lingering off of you.

First up Sakura who is still in love with emo-boy. Sasori had this fight in the bag so why did he kill himself? That’s right, Sasuke’s lingering emoness on Sakura even after 3 years.

Nooooo, that's not you talking Kakashi! You've been injected with Sasuke's emoness!!! ><

Secondly, Kakashi who was Sasuke’s closest teacher! Look at him committing suicide! Oh sure, the non-believers will say he was just trying to protect Chouji but what are the chances Chouji would have died from one attack eh? We all know why Kakashi was killing himself. Sasuke’s lingering emo effect!

Nagato commits suicide for Naruto! This was definitely Naruto's mysterious power at work along side Sasuke's emo vibrations coming off of Naruto. Because no one really gives a f**k and kills himself just because the name of a main character in a book matches your enemy's name! BELIEVE IT!

Lastly, it was Naruto that Sasuke has affected with his lingering emoness. We all know Nagato’s turn around was way to quick and the suicide was way overboard. Something else was at work here. Naruto doesn’t make people kill themselves but Sasuke sure does. >(0_0)>

What about the other people close to Sasuke I didn’t mention? Orochimaru is dead, Kabuto went crazy and injected himself with Orochimaru’s DNA, and Madara…well he found a way to fight it.

Just goes to show. Never look an emo in the eyes. You'll be sad for the rest of the day.

Notice Madara’s inability to look Sasuke in the eye. Everyone else affected by Sasuke has either looked him in the eye or, in Kimimaro’s case, was just an unfortunate victim of Sasuke’s emoness reaching out and grabbing them by the balls. Madara’s mask protects him not only from Sasuke setting him on fire but a fate even worse! Being caught in Sasuke’s Emo no Jutsu! And of course that awesome full black body suit deflects any emo aura coming off of Sasuke. With great age comes great wisdom. 😉

What have we learned from this? Well, when I get bored everyone now knows the things that go through my head. Remember folks this is a joke post I created for people to look at while we wait for the next breakdown. Take from it whatever you like but I suggest taking nothing from it because if you quote anything from here you’ll most likely be looked at strangely and ignored. 🙂 Oh, and here’s something for the Naruto and One Piece fans out there. I didn’t come up with this idea. I saw someone’s Sigwiththis picture in a One Piece forum and I thought I’d create my own and add a few things. Enjoy! 😉

16 Responses to “Sasuke’s Hidden Emo No Jutsu!”

Lol, this is hilarious Super. Nice one but I don’t want to be in your place.
And just to add, I think in the end of the manga the entire Konoha village will commit mass suicide when Naruto brings emoboy back. His emo powers will be too great to resist…

Sweet, lol, well I’m glad you all enjoyed it! I didn’t know how it would turn out, but I see now making fun of Sasuke and emos is hard to mess up. It’s something we can all enjoy. XD (No offense emos and Sasuke fans. After all I am a Sasuke fan myself.) >(0_0)>

It’s all so clear now… Madara…. is… SASUKE! Future Sasuke to be exact… and even future Sasuke can only resist suicide with the help of his magic toilet-spiral mask.(and yes, it is double suicide since he is forced to commit it by his younger self)

Also, Loving Naruto’s Rasengan-enema – if he could only master water-style, he could have the full colonic! He’d be rich!

Sakura will commit suicide when she finds out that she only won her fights because of Emo-no-jutsu… DOUBLE WHAMMY! BAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah that was so funny!!!! Simply priceless, “The emo in him knows who to seek out”, and “He fooled us by trying to look guilty over his teammates sacrifices. In reality that was just him concentrating on shooting his emo beams”, can’t stop laughing!!!

Everything really fits so well, it’s simply… yeah… great!!!
Although I … “like” Sasuke (I should keep that simple), I don’t feel offended by your post. You wrote “I see now making fun of Sasuke and emos is hard to mess up”. That’s wrong, I would say. It’s not like you simply make fun of Sasuke’s emoness randomly all the time and something funny will come out. YOUR post was well written, you made something inventive and creative up, and your writing style is funny, you proved your “theories” with good manga references, and THAT’s why it turned out funny. Not simply because you said “Sasuke is emo”.

The fact that I, IIIII, the total Sasuke fangirl, the one who even puts Sasuke above Mamoru (oh, Mamoru is so hot as well, by the way), might be fact enough that it’s good 😉 !

Lol, I think the mask is a very rare item so I wonder how expensive it would be. I wouldn’t mind buying one if it keeps me safe from Sasuke’s jutsu but I’m already a Sasuek fan… It’s far to late for me in other words…o_o