Friday, January 25, 2008

Looks like Uncle Sam's going to give us some money to go play! Woo-hoo!

As is typical with the Bush Administration, the folks who could really use a break aren't going to be getting it. They just want to give us some money to go spend and stimulate the economy. This is just a leftover of Bush's days as a drunk when he would buy everyone a round to prevent him from drinking alone.

This recession - that we are not actually in but have been on the brink of for a very long time mainly because everyone in Washington is too much of a pussy to call it a recession - is all our fault, really. We are at war, and we, the American people, are not taking it seriously. Resident Bush, the great visionary, called us on it right after 9/11. Right when we were ready to roll up our sleeves and sacrifice for our country he gave us a directive - "Go shopping!"

Did we listen? Apparently not.

Even though it looks to me like a lot of people are buying a lot of things. I am seeing more iPhones and Blackberrys than I did six months ago. My fiancee and I bought a new couch last December. I rushed into a Target last night five minutes before closing and bought the 30th Anniversary DVD edition of Blazing Saddles (It's on sale for $6.50, by the way - Yee haw!). There's always a line at the Starbucks I go to. So, who's not pulling their weight? Poor people, that's who! They're too busy blowing their minimum wage paychecks on almost paying the rent. They are taking their unemployment benefits and jacking up the price of ramen noodles with their reckless spending.

The stimulus package is too little, too late and is just a placebo to make us think that congress and the administration are actually doing something. All they are doing is showing that the government is full of idiots who love to spend money when the country is trillions of dollars in debt.

Wish my budgeting system worked that way.

Oh, wait, it does. That must be that Trickle Down Theory at work.

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"According to producer Michael G. Wilson, the title of the new James Bond film is what?"

14% said "The Stealth Affair"- Nope. Sounds like a Pixar movie about adorable hi-tech fighter planes in love.

14% said "Silhouettes"- Good description of the opening credits, but sounds more like a Lifetime Original movie with Valerie Bertinelli.

14% said "Die Another Golden Tomorrow and Live Forever Twice Dr. Octopussy"- How about "To Overkill Another Day"?

58% got it right with "Quantum of Solace"-

According to the AP, producers have revealed some of the secrets about the latest James Bond film, due for release later this year, including the inner turmoil that drives its suave superagent hero and its title: Quantum of Solace. WTF? Daniel Craig, who claims the title has grown on him, said Bond author Ian Fleming defined a "quantum of solace" — it means, roughly, a measure of comfort — as "that spark of niceness in a relationship that if you don't have, you might as well give up." Ummm... Where's the danger? Where's the mystery? Where's the cool factor? It sounds like the dry dissertation of a psych grad. Look for long scenes of Bond broodingly taking personality quizes in Cosmo.