Lt. Laredo: Go for the mouth, the throat, his vulnerable spots!
Commander Peter Quincy Taggart: It's a rock, it doesn't have any vulnerable spots!

Sir Alexander Dane: I played Richard III.
Fred Kwan: "There were five curtain calls."
Sir Alexander Dane: There were five curtain calls. I was an actor once, damn it! Now look at me. Look at me! I won't go out there and say that stupid line one more time!

Gwen DeMarco: I mean, my TV Guide interview was six paragraphs about my BOOBS and how they fit into my suit!

Jason Nesmith: You WILL go out there.
Sir Alexander Dane: I won't and nothing you say will make me.
Jason Nesmith: The show must go on.
Sir Alexander Dane: ...Damn you.

[On Jason]
Gwen DeMarco: You've gotta admit, they really do love him.
Tommy Webber: Yeah, almost as much as he loves himself.

Jason Nesmith: There is no "quantum flux"! There's no "auxiliary"! THERE'S NO GODDAMNED SHIP! You got it?!

Commander Peter Quincy Taggart: As long as there is injustice, whenever a Targathian baby cries out, wherever a distress signal sounds among the stars, we'll be there. This fine ship, this fine crew. Never give up... and never surrender.

[Peter is impressed by the Thermian ship's bridge.]
Jason Nesmith: This is great! Usually it's just cardboard walls in a garage!

[On traveling through space in a pod]
Fred Kwan: That was a hell of a thing.

Fred Kwan: Wow, the floors are so clean!

Gwen DeMarco: Jason, we are actors, not astronauts!

Mathesar: We have enjoyed preparing many of your esoteric dishes. Your Monte Cristo sandwich is a current favorite among the adventurous.

[On the Thermians' worship of the egotistical Jason Nesmith]
Sir Alexander Dane: It's like throwing gasoline on a flame.

Teb: Are you enjoying your Kep-mok blood ticks, Dr. Lazarus?
Sir Alexander Dane: [disgusted] Just like mother used to make.

Guy Fleegman: I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm just "Crewman Number Six." I'm expendable! I'm the guy in the episode who dies to prove how serious the situation is! I've gotta get outta here!

Gwen DeMarco: Look, I have ONE job on this lousy ship. It's STUPID, but I'm gonna do it, OKAY?

[Trying to explain TV to the Thermians.]
Gwen DeMarco: They're not ALL "historical documents." Surely, you don't think Gilligan's Island is a --
[All the Thermians moan in despair]
Mathesar: Those poor people!

Dr. Lazarus of Tev'Meck: By Grabthar's hammer, you shall be avenged!

[The crew is on a shuttle descending to an alien planet.]
Guy Fleegman: I changed my mind. I wanna go back.
Sir Alexander Dane: After the fuss you made about getting left behind?
Guy Fleegman: Yeah, but that's when I thought I was the crewman that stays on the ship, and something is up there, and it kills me. But now I'm thinking I'm the guy who gets killed by some monster five minutes after we land on the planet.
Jason Nesmith: You're not gonna die on the planet, Guy.
Guy Fleegman: I'm not? Then what's my last name?
Jason Nesmith: It's, uh, uh---I don't know.
Guy Fleegman: Nobody knows! Do you know why? Because my character isn't important enough for a last name, because I'm gonna die five minutes in.
Gwen DeMarco: Guy, you have a last name.
Guy Fleegman: DO I?! DO I?!?! For all you know, I'm "Crewman Number Six"!

Tommy Webber: You know, with all that makeup and stuff, I actually thought you were SMART for a second.

Sir Alexander Dane: Could they be the miners?
Fred Kwan: Sure, they're like three years old.
Sir Alexander Dane: MINERS, not MINORS.
Fred Kwan: You lost me.

Guy Fleegman: Did you guys ever WATCH the show?

Gwen DeMarco: Let's get out of here before one of those things kills Guy!

Sir Alexander Dane: You're just going to have to figure out what it wants. What is its motivation?
Jason Nesmith: It's a rock monster. It doesn't have motivation.
Sir Alexander Dane: See, that's your problem, Jason. You were never serious about the craft!

[Sarris forces Jason to tell Mathesar he's an actor on a TV show]
Jason Nesmith: Mathesar, there's no such person as Captain Taggart. My name is Jason Nesmith. I'm an actor. We're all actors.
Sarris: He doesn't understand. Explain as you would a child.
Jason Nesmith: We, uh, we pretended. [On Malthesar's blank look.] We lied.

[Sarris forces Jason to tell Mathesar he's an actor on a TV show.]
Jason Nesmith: I'm not a commander. There's no "National Space Exploration Administration." We don't have a ship.
Mathesar: [looking at TV screen] But there it is...!
Jason Nesmith: [gesturing with his fingers] The ship is that big.
Mathesar: But inside, I see many rooms.
Jason Nesmith: You've seen plywood sets that look like the inside. Our beryllium sphere is... is wire with plaster around it. And our digital conveyor is... it's Christmas tree lights. It's a decoration. It's all fake. Just like me.
Mathesar: But why...?
Jason Nesmith: It's difficult to explain. On our planet, we, uh... we pretend to... to entertain. Mathesar, I am so sorry. God, I am so sorry.

Brandon's Mom: Where are you going with those fireworks?
Brandon: Well, the Protector got super-accelerated coming out of the black hole, and it, like, nailed the atmosphere at Mark 15, which, you guys know, is pretty unstable, obviously, so we're gonna help Laredo guide it on the vox ultra-frequency carrier and use Roman candles for visual confirmation.
Brandon's Mom: Uh, all right, dinner's at seven. [Brandon exits. Mom turns to a dubious Dad.] Well, he's outside.