The Five Most: The best, worst and craziest moments in my pop culture 2013

Oh, lists. The construct of a writer/critic/blogger/dude at the coffee shop based perhaps on research and the public zeitgeist, but mostly her or his own opinion. So this means that there is no right or wrong, technically, unless you can somehow prove that I’m lying about my own opinion. And good luck with that.

Still, that won’t stop anyone for telling me I’m wrong, which is OK, because I love a good (spirited, non-insulted) debate. These moments are just the ones that stood out for me as essential, the highest highs, lowest lows and most confounding “What the?” situations of the year. You ready? Me neither!

In no particular order:
– The Miley-izing of pop culture: 2013, whether you like it, hate it or are “Meh” about it, will likely be remembered as the year that Miley “Hannah Montana” Cyrus, depending on who you talked to, established herself as a fully sexualized adult, fell victim to the misogynistic music business overlords, performed a neat trick of meta, self-aware performance art, or lost her blinkety-blank mind. I kinda think it was a little of all those things. Whatever the truth of her teddy-humping, tongue-flaunting, dead rapper face dress-wearing year was, one thing was clear: People couldn’t shut up about it. And wasn’t that the point?

- Aaryn’s “Oh (Big) Brother” moment: Aaryn Gries is not the first pretty person to try to survive a mortifying moment on live TV – Rob Lowe’s grooving with Snow White on the Oscars comes to mind – but the “Big Brother”‘ contestant’s clueless, sputtery confrontation by host Julie Chen on the racist and otherwise offensive things she’d said in the house she’d just been evicted from was a squirmy masterpiece. And it’s probably because, unlike with Rob and Snow, we knew it was coming. We were hungry for it, watching a powerful network setting up this clueless, big-mouthed person who had no idea how she was being edited, written about or fired, blinking like Bambi in the laser scope. She had no idea that she represented, to many, a whole houseful of ignorance-spouting, bullying, freakishly mean remarks in front ot a viewing public clammoring for somebody – anybody – to take to task. Heck, I think she caught some of Paula Deen’s flack! (It was going around, apparently) And there she was, even though she wasn’t alone (cough cough hello Boca Raton’s Amanda Zuckerman!), ready to be booed. Watching her go through a whole delicious bevy of emotion, from confusion at the booing, to self-defense, to thudding realization, was a stunning piece of forced reality, and it made me kind of want to bathe. I don’t feel bad that she had to face the consequences of her own actions – You’re being filmed 24/7, silly! – but it wasn’t comfortable for anyone.

- USA Today learns that being black is not a theme: Westerns are a theme. Romantic comedies are a theme. Vampire/werewolf love triangles are a theme. Doing any of these things and not being white is not. I have never once woken up, kissed my husband, gone to work or driven a car and said, “Today I am doing this as a black person, which will be my theme,” because I have no choice but to be black while doing them, no more than white people think of their driving and kissing and working as being “white-themed.” This concept, however, thoroughly confused USA Today‘s Scott Bowles and whoever it was that wrote the headline of his story about “The Best Man Holiday”‘s incredible box office weekend where it nearly bested “Thor,” referring to it as “race-themed.” There was some awkward attempt to compare it to “12 Years A Slave” and “The Butler,” two movies that also involved black people, and whose themes of slavery and civil rights do invoke race. But a movie about Taye Diggs and Terrence Howard looking pretty surrounded by opulence, perfect hair and relationship concerns while being black is not “race” themed. It’s like, Tuesday at Beyonce and Jay-Z’s house. In other words, if a movie with a cast of nearly all the same race is about race, then where’s that headline about “Sex and The City?” Or “Gossip Girl”? Or most movies and TV shows ever?

- A Change.org is gonna come, Ben Affleck!: I’m all for the voice of the fan – I consider myself a fan lucky enough to have a larger platform. But some 2013 attempts to sway the will of the all-powerful entertainment industry into reversing their casting decisions and actually firing people went a little loopy. Irate Batman fans took to Change.org, the online petition site previously mostly used for social justice endeavors, to try to get Ben Affleck booted from the upcoming “Man of Steel” sequel in the Batman role, while “50 Shades of Grey” devotees not only attempted to oust Charlie Hunnam (who later quit anyway) but to give the part to “White Collar”‘s Matt Bomer, even though he kept saying he didn’t want it. Several times. It came from a sweet place. But I think all that supposed petitioning power went to somebody’s head. A lot of somebodies

- Whatever the heck was going on with Kanye West: Miley Cyrus wasn’t the only celebrity who couldn’t keep her tongue in her mouth, although in the case of Kanye West, that tongue was flapping rather than sticking out like a dog’s out of a moving car window. Between the release of “Yeezus” and his coupling and parenthood with noted celebrity whatever she is Kim Kardashian, Kanye couldn’t stop talking about the injustices of the world…at least the ones he thought were directed at himself. He whined about Jimmy Kimmel making fun of him. He whined about the fashion world not taking him seriously. He called himself a genius repeatedly, and said that either racism or classism was responsible for the universe not accepting that genius with open, grateful arms. He said rapping was akin to being in a war or being a police officer. Oh, shut up. I’ll be the first one to tell you that racism still exists, but that classism usually works the other way, in that the poor guy, not the rich guy, is the victim. Also…maybe people make fun of you because you just say stupid things?