well, back in my youth i dated a vegetarian for about a month, and sometimes we would make fancy grilled cheese sandwiches. now, it made sense. vegetarians really don't have many options. you just have to turn things like grilled cheese into something better. like, use a nice white cheddar, and perhaps find another cheese that matches, like fontina or whatever. also, then we added some kind of small vegetable, like a sprout or something, to balance it all out.

it wasnt' bad. but, when i make grilled cheeses these days, i use cheddar and bread. nothing fancy. because I have meat in my life. i don't need to to make these conciliatory meals better.

but, i was reading in a magazine about sandwiches, and some chef said he puts on a thin layer of mayonaise on the bread, and throws the bread, mayo side down, in the pan/griddle. i thought, ridiculous, impossible, preposterous, it's an outrage! and i throw the magazine to the floor... but, the seed was planted... i was infected. i had to know if i was being lied to, was it real? could you grill the mayo side of the bread?

and then i tried it. and i was like, holy shiat balls, this is awesome! it perfectly carmelized the outside of the bread, but maintained the softness beyond the exterior crunch! then, i also noticed, this is not the first time i've tasted this. i've tasted this at some serious sandwich places.

react as you will, call it an outrage, put me on your ignore lists, do whatever you must.to help maintain your sanity... but, know that the seed has been planted, there will come a day when you grill your mayonnaise into your bread. and on that day you will remember the man they called pute... the mayo-man pute... the one who, in this blighted place known as fark, taught you to live again.

American cheese and velveeta with tomato on buttered potato bread on a flat grill pressed down so that a bunch of cheese squeaks out and then blackens an inch around the bottom slice of bread is the bees knees of run on sentences.

If you start adulterating a grilled cheese sandwich, you're farking up the sandwich. Its bread and cheese. Its not heirloom tomatoes, pesto and cheese, its CHEESE AND MOTHER FARKING BREAD. Its a grilled cheese sandwich. Its a cheese sandwich that has been grilled. I know bacon is delicious and I love it as much as everyone else, but its not a grilled cheese if you add bacon and avocado. This makes me irate. My husband once suggested we fancy up some grilled cheese. I told him I would make the fanciest tomato soup I could and then I'd make him a grilled cheese sandwich. He was satisfied because I was in the kitchen making his sandwich.

So instead of making the sandwich your husband wanted and simply telling him you'd do it if he didn't call it grilled cheese, you pulled a bait and switch, made him soup he didn't ask for and also made him a sandwich he didn't want because he had offended you by calling it grilled cheese?

You are fortunate. You must stay very, very far away from it, because it is disgusting and quite inedible. Often it is sold as "cheese food," and you should be concerned by the fact that something nominally intended to be food has to state that fact on it. That is just how disgusting it is.