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A non-Christian replies to a cute little Christian apologetic. Loved by Catholics and Protestants alike, this thing shows up periodically in email inboxes everywhere. By David

Isn't it strange how a 20 dollar bill seems like such a large amount when you donate it to church, but such a small amount when you go shopping?

We get something for the $20, and it doesn't seem to go that far. In contrast, we get nothing for donating $20 to an organization that promotes imaginary friends and imaginary enemies. So, $20 seems like a lot to give for nothing.

Isn't it strange how two hours seem so long when you're at church, and how short they seem when you're watching a good movie?

This one is real easy. You're totally bored in church most of the time, but when you go to the movie you are relaxing and being entertained. An additional onus, at least for women, is that no one is judging you by your shoes and/or dress.

Isn't it strange that you can't find a word to say when you're praying, but you have no trouble thinking what to talk about with a friend?

That's easy to address: There is something great about a two-way conversation with a real live person that is hard to drum up with a friend that only lives in your imagination.

Isn't it strange how difficult and boring it is to read one chapter of the Bible, but how easy it is to read 100 pages of a popular novel?

One is boring, and one is not. There are some things in the buybull that are redeeming, and in places it reads like a poorly written novel, complete with everything for a great story or movie, such as sex, incest, torture, magic, hate, love, terror, fear, bestially, human sacrifice, animal cruelty and rape. All the various contradictions, however, make it incomprehensible nonsense.

Isn't it strange how everyone wants front-row-tickets to concerts or games, but they do whatever is possible to sit at the last row in Church?

One is exciting and could even be considered thrilling by hardcore fans, so of course people want a good view. In church, people choose the back row where they can sleep. (I have seen the sleeping holy rollers in the back rows, apparently dragged to church by their wives/husbands).

Isn't it strange how we need to know about an event for Church 2-3 weeks before the day so we can include it in our agenda, but we can adjust it for other events in the last minute?

You gotta work yourself up emotionally for boring events and also need time to create an excuse to not go -- thats the reason for the 2-3 weeks. The "other events" are likely to be fun/exciting, so we can make time for them very quickly because we like fun, not boredom.

Isn't it strange how difficult it is to learn a fact about God to share it with others, but how easy it is to gossip?

Thats because of the bad name that most Christians have. Christians are known for harassment, pressure tactics, fear tactics, etc., when they are preaching at the rest of us. I don't care for gossip, but at least while they are gossiping about each other they are not using harassment, pressure tactics, fear tactics, etc., on everyone else.

Isn't it strange how we believe everything that magazines and newspapers say, but we question the words in the Bible?

Yeah, this is an easy one. The buybull is FULL OF CONTRADICTIONS. In one place the book spouts forth one thing, and in the next place it spouts the opposite. And what about taking snakes and donkeys? Besides, the buybull doesn't make sense when checked by using its own standards. Review Is the supreme being confused?, where the buybull is compared against itself. The article is just "scriptures" right out of the holy book. Crack open a buybull and follow along.

Isn't it strange how everyone wants a place in heaven, but they don't want to believe, do, or say anything to get there?

Well, we all give up on Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny after awhile because there is no evidence that those characters exist. Heaven? Re-read the preceding sentence for the answer.

Isn't it strange how we send jokes in e-mail's and they are forwarded right away, but when we are going to send messages about God, we think about it twice before we share it with others?

Jokes bring laughter and happiness whereas most gawd drivel is designed to terrify and scare children and adults. As a parent, which one would you rather I send to your kid? A good rated-G joke that will make his/her classmates laugh and smile, or a strongly evangelical message about hell? Or better yet, how about just a buybull verse or two. Like this one: Deuteronomy 23:1 ESV, No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord. Great wisdom there, huh?

IT'S STRANGE ISN'T IT?

Now that you've read this message, will you forward it to anybody that you consider a friend, family member or foe (enemy).

This one I have to totally agree with. I am forwarding this and hope people learn something from it.

6 comments:

clair
said...

What is strange is all the groveling. Often, customers and co-workers will say how sorry they are for not going to church last Sunday, not this and not that for jebus. They saddest thing was when a little old lady was saying to one of my co-workers(jebus fan, hellfire n brimstone)that she was afraid that she might not REALLY be saved, what if she had done something wrong? The bitch she was asking advice from told her she better go to church that Sunday, she just better. The poor old lady is really sick, and she is lucky to be able to go anywhere at all, much less to church to write a goddamn check for Real Assurrance of Salvation, I supppose. I have begun telling people to relax, stop apologizing all the time, and live your life as best you can. They are driving me nuts, the way they make one another feel worse about all that fake nonsense. Clair

Great comeback Dave. I will save this for future use. I unfortunately have at least 2 acquantances whom I've known from my travels about the country. They ASSUME I'm x-tian I guess. I haven't told them otherwise because I didn't want to be offensive. Guess I'm gonna have to start letting them know that they are offending me. I may lose them, but it really won't be a great loss, it will actually cut done on emails I don't want. But....with answers like yours to send back, it could be fun. Thanks again for your great works.

Isn't it strange how a $20 bill in Benny Hinn's pocket goes towardhis personal gaininstead of what he said it would, (salvation)

I find it STRANGE that people even go to a church to be fed and believe all that bullshit.

What I did find as entertaining was the "Holy Rollers" rolling all over the floor speaking in "tongues"while ruining their clothes on the dusty floor. (As kids we used to peek in the window of the localPentacostal church and watch the idiots perform.) Now that's what I call comedy.

Aspentroll, you are so right that it is entertaining. However, for someone who doesn't expect that sort of behavior, and end up in the midst of it, it can be downright scary. I was raised catholic and my parents converted to the holy roller shit when I was in my teens. Before then, I had no exposure to it at all. When that shit started I thought for sure I was in a looney bin.

" Isn't it strange how we send jokes in e-mail's and they are forwarded right away, but when we are going to send messages about God, we think about it twice before we share it with others?

Jokes bring laughter and happiness whereas most gawd drivel is designed to terrify and scare children and adults. As a parent, which one would you rather I send to your kid? A good rated-G joke that will make his/her classmates laugh and smile, or a strongly evangelical message about hell? Or better yet, how about just a buybull verse or two. Like this one: Deuteronomy 23:1 ESV, No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord. Great wisdom there, huh?"

Hey, maybe someone should do that and then when they get arrested make it a high profile case and say "It is a Bible verse! It can't possibly be immoral! It came from GOD! This is a Christian Nation founded on Christian Principle and I got it from the Christian Bible!"

Wonder how that would play out in the media, courts, etc. Or would people finally take note of that and other parts of the Bible?

Not that I'm asking anyone to actually DO such a thing. I'm just saying this to provoke a little thought here. Maybe a thought that most of you already know the answer. But for some that don't, maybe it's worth spending some time thinking of the ethics of it all.

David’s email read:“Isn't it strange how everyone wants a place in heaven, but they don't want to believe, do, or say anything to get there?”

Whoa! Back up just a moment there.

“Believe”?

The writer doesn’t say what one is supposed to believe. (Perhaps that’s why it’s popular among Catholics and Protestants alike.)

Is it belief in heaven? One who doesn’t believe that heaven exists isn’t going to worry about getting there. This should be obvious, but I’m sure that you’ve run across Christians who can’t grasp this simple concept.

Is it something one is supposed to believe in order to get to heaven? The problem with that is, aside from the author not saying what one is supposed to believe, the whole justification-by-faith paradigm has no objective basis. There is no way to tell what one is required to believe. Suppose the author and I believe differently how to get to heaven. Why should I believe his version? Why shouldn’t he believe mine? (Don’t say to read the Bible. For one, all western Christians share the same New Testament, and they still come out with contradictory messages. Second, notwithstanding the sidesplitting apologetic posted by Gerald the other day, why should one believe the Bible?)