Freshman Psych Major Diagnoses Roommate as Major Fucking Bitch

After just a few weeks of living with her randomly assigned roommate, Tori Dalian ’20 has drawn some intriguing insights about her roommate, Amanda, from her Intro to Psych class. “The way she leaves her laundry on the floor, without even an ‘I’m sorry’… all signs point to her being a undiagnosed major bitch,” she confided. “And she, like, doesn’t even care that the sink is completely covered with toothpaste blobs.”

“She behaves normally in social situations, but when it comes to me, she’s basically Charles Manson,” whispered Tori with a furtive glance towards the room door. Tori tells us that she has concluded that Amanda should be medicated with passive-aggressive comments and an uncomfortable amount of silence.