Dear Abby: Father's grave lies unmarked

Wednesday

Oct 31, 2012 at 6:08 PM

Dear Abby: My father passed away a year ago, after being married to "Valerie" for 14 years. After his death, she got his life insurance. She paid for his funeral and the burial. She also bought a new house and a horse within two months of losing our father.

Having spent all the insurance money, Valerie is now asking me and my sister to give her money for our father's headstone. We feel his life insurance money should have been used for this. Isn't she at least morally obligated to purchase his headstone? - Lost Grieving Daughter

Dear Daughter: Your stepmother should be ashamed of herself for foisting off her moral responsibility to her husband of 14 years.

You and your sister must now decide if you can live with the thought of your father having an unmarked grave. Ask the people who manage the cemetery if they might allow you to have a special planting to be used as a marker in lieu of a headstone.

Dear Abby: Last night I got a debt collection call for my brother, "Stan." He and his wife, "Susie," are ready to file for bankruptcy and have been dodging creditors left and right. My relatives expect me to lie to the callers to protect them.

Abby, I pay my bills and pride myself on living an honest and open life. I feel bad for Stan and Susie, but is it right for them to expect me to deal with their creditors when they won't? - Fed Up in Delaware

Dear Fed Up: Of course not. However, whoever made that call might not have been in compliance with the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act, which applies to those who collect debts owed to creditors for personal, family and household debts.

Dear Abby: Over the years I have become friends with a client of mine, "Doug." We are both happily married and share about family and work. We use instant messaging for work-related issues and to chitchat. We have typed "I love you" to each other at times - but only if we're being sarcastic, joking around or saying thanks for some help.

My husband doesn't think you can say "I love you" to a friend without having feelings or wanting more. Can I say "I love you" to a friend without it meaning something more? - Spreading the Love

Dear Spreading: In my opinion you can, and many people do. There is a difference between saying "I love you" and "I am in love with you," and I'm surprised that your husband doesn't realize it. Could he be feeling insecure?

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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