It is the drip,drip,drip of constant supervision that is wearing me down. Any and every time my son thinks I am not eyeballing him he changes. It is hard to explain. He can be napping and if I have an older teen come into the room so I can use the facilities,he is instantly across the room. He isn’t doing anything per say. It is the lack of being able to read where he is at that is difficult. He likes to put a book or a pillow to cover his face and have silent conversations with himself. Sometimes he nods his head and gets his scary smile and then removes the book or pillow and has a normal expression on his face. It is simply creepy. This isn’t parenting. I am not sure what it is,but any actual parenting is met with an increase with aggression. I am not encouraging his playing with his toys anymore because I am beginning to think he is actually having conversations with himself and not simply pretending;also his games are always dark.
We had our drop in visit this morning with the PO department and he told the ladies that he still thought detention might be better than home. He told them he liked to be in confinement.
On the plus side, the the therapist I had originally wanted to use thinks he has a line on an experienced DID guy who uses EMDR and is much closer to our house. This would be an answer to prayer if he will take us.
The other kids are now giving youngest a wide berth. If I need to leave the room they come down in pairs instead of separately. I have not asked them to do this since Saturday. Yesterday they were more comfortable with him than they are today. He has been compliant today;just edgy. Behaviorally he is the same. It is his eyes that are different.
I sure hope we get help soon. I feel like I am the one in confinement.

4 Responses to drip,drip,drip

We are trying desperately to find help. We are not blowing off how serious our son’s problems are,nor are we thinking we have a chance on our own. It is finding the help that is the problem. The therapist we were intending to use thinks he has someone,but he doesn’t know for sure if he will take us on. We are in so far over our heads it isn’t even funny.
The therapist mentioned above is the only profession to take our concerns seriously. The only one. Try getting help when no one listens to you. I know I sound defensive. I feel defensive. All I have is a couple of books written from the treatment of adults and their perspective. There is nothing on how to parent a child/adolescent with this disorder. I have one other mom in blog land (hi Lisa) and her dd is only 6,not nearly 14. Inside our heads(dh and I) we are frantic. We cannot let that show. I cannot show fear. I cannot even cry when my son with facial hair makes zooming noises when he plays. If you know of help,books people who have been there,please tell me. .
If you have a list of what not to do I’ll take that too.
If you want to give us respite I’ll kiss your feet.

Lenell,
You are in my prayers daily. I am praying that God will give you the superhuman strength you need, that real help will come soon, that your family will survive the daily trauma, that your youngest will be fully healed– that ALL of this will be covered by God’s mercy.
Perhaps you will be the one to write the book… later.