Winter blahs, hot moms and Target

Well, itís that time of year again. The swingset in the backyard sits alone. The bikes and scooters have been tossed in the garage. The trashy $15 blow-up pool has been discarded.

And itís not just the ďstuffĒ that sits there like a boat thatís run aground. Trips to the park, the zoo, even the flea market - mothballed until spring.

Discontent, meet winter.

Iíve never been a fan of the cold weather. Iím more a surf ní sandals type of fella, much more at home in the heat than the chill. As a kid, I preferred baseball in the backyard over ice skating. As an adult, things like skiing only interested me in the ďsitting in the lodge drinking and flirtingĒ kind of way, but even with that, I never once went on a ski trip. And now, as a parent of two little kids, winter is similar in scope to a prison sentence.

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But Iíve found a cure to what ails me. Itís not a perfect solution, but whatever works, you know?

I am a Target Zombie.

You will find me wandering the aisles of my local Target. And also my non-local Targets. Any Target will do. Iíll be there with my son. Or my son and daughter. Or my son and daughter and wife. Any combination thereof. We will hit the $1 bin. The toy aisle. We will meander aimlessly. We will pass the time.

You may ask yourself, ďWhat the hell is wrong with this guy?Ē And itís a valid question. But I have found Target to be the perfect place to while away a winterís day. Why? Iíll tell you why Ö

1) That dollar bin when you first walk in the store. Glowsticks. Mickey Mouse and superhero books. Foam swords. Just a grab bag of useless junk. And itís all a dollar. A dollar! My son will spend an hour flitting about the dollar bin section, and the whole time, Iím like Ö ďYou can pick one thing,Ē and heís all excited, and I just bought myself an hour of checking Rotoworld and Twitter on my phone. All for a buck.

2) Better baseball card selection than Walmart. I can spend a good 20 minutes there.

3) Walmart in general is too depressing. People - present company included - go to Walmart because they actually need things. Nobody goes to Target out of need. Itís just a fun little jaunt.

4) Toys R Us? Please. No dollar bins there.

5) The mall? Not enough for the kids.

6) Tremendous amount of hot moms. There. I said it. There are more hot moms per square foot at Target than any other place on Earth. And while Iím happily married to a hot mom myself, Iím also not dead. We all do it check out the merchandise. Donít judge.

7) The sale racks. Iíll take a gander at the clothes. Always great off-season deals. Just bought a pair of shorts for $7.99. Totally psyched.

8) Almost never a line at checkout. Not sure what mathematical formula theyíve got going on there, but thereís almost always a good ratio of cashiers to customers. Because nothing is more aggravating than waiting on line for a half-hour to buy a glowstick for $1.07.

9) Some of the moms are really, really hot. Total babes. People get dressed up to go to Target. Itís like flying on a jet plane in the 1950s. Classed up joint.