Sh*t Entrepreneurs Say

Jeff Haden learned much of what he knows about business and technology as he worked his way up in the manufacturing industry. Everything else he picks up from ghostwriting books for some of the smartest leaders he knows in business.

Start-up founders are an odd—and awe-inspiring—breed. They take huge risks, try big ideas, and (sometimes) succeed in completely changing how the world thinks about a product or service. But... they're extreme optimists and always selling and that means sometimes they say some dumb stuff. So it's time to poke a little fun.

I give you, sh*t entrepreneurs say:

"I’m not your typical entrepreneur."

"Trust me. Someday equity will be a lot more important to you than salary."

"R & D is only for people who don't have a clear vision."

"Our culture is the most important thing."

"I can't tell you what we're working on. Just know that it will be huge."

"If it’s not at least a $5 billion market it’s not worth our time."

"All we need now is funding."

"Hey, didn’t I see you at CES?"

"We’ll just pivot and nail the next iteration."

"Trust me, it will scale."

"Customers are definitely willing to pay a premium for green."

"Our company? We're like the Groupon of... no, wait."

"When you consider the bigger picture that's just a rounding error."

"Once we launch they'll be forced to react to us."

"We're targeting a global niche."

"Looks like someone is having corporate Kool-Aid flashbacks."

"The VCs we've met just can't see the bigger picture."

"We don't need to change the game. We are the game."

"Behind every minimum viable product is someone who sold out."

"We're in stealth mode."

"We're kind of like the Apple of the landscaping industry. Just a lot more visionary."

"Seriously. Do you think Mark Zuckerberg was obsessing over revenue when he was coding in his dorm room?"

"Our service will sell itself."

"SXSW has gotten too mainstream for me."

"Is it just me or does the Ramen noodle phase kinda suck?"

"I can't tell you much. TechCrunch has been sniffing around again."

"The market just wasn’t ready."

"We're like the SimpleGeo of... hold on."

"In two years I’ll step aside and see what lies over the next horizon."

"Every great entrepreneur has failed."

"If you take a step back it looks a lot better."

"Right now we prefer to grow organically."

"I wish our sales team had a clue."

"I'm not interested in money or fame. If we can change the world, that's plenty."

"Yes! Richard Branson is going to tweet about us. We are so money."

"Looks like I’ll be pulling another all nighter… (pause) Hey, wanna do something tonight?"

"Most of my time is spent holding the board's hand."

"We gave it 120%. Looking back I wish we had worked a little harder."

" I think Branson uses Buffer so he probably had a week’s worth of tweets already queued."

"Remember, Amazon lost money for years."

"VCs wouldn’t know a real opportunity if one came up and bit them on the ass."