Monthly Archives: February 2010

I tuned in to watch the end of the USA v. Canada gold medal hockey game, and while Canada technically won the gold medal, USA totally kicked ass in the Olympic sport of Hot Beards. And hot dudes in general. And hot dudes named Ryan. (Seriously. Like 11 of them are named Ryan.) I present the following evidence:

Ryan Malone of the Tampa Bay Lightning:

Ignoring Malone’s ill-advised tattoos, here’s another one:

Hello sir!

His teammate Ryan Kesler, of the Vancouver Canucks, is also my new fake Olympic boyfriend:

Not that I’d turn Sidney Crosby down if he came a-knockin’ at my door. (Is that creepy? How old is he?)

And I swear, I’m not usually this much of a girl. I do like sports for sports, but throw in that many beards and I’m bound to get distracted.

Hey guys! Remember me? I’m Mallory, and I sometimes blog here. It’s been a while, I know. But don’t worry, between the Catholic guilt (it is Lent, after all), and harassment from “fans” like Scott and Mike, I feel PLENTY bad about not writing. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, SCOTT AND MIKE?

Since it’s been two weeks since I’ve written, I don’t even know where to begin. There’s the Olympics, and the killer whale attack, and the Vajazzler, and the fact that I attended an adult birthday party at Medieval Times last night, dressed as a medieval pirate (and the fact that it was kind of amazing).

There’s also this:

And yes, that’s old — St. Patty’s Day of last year, as you might have guessed — but I was recently tagged on Facebook, and it reminded me how much I love my friends, and Cry Face, and this here blog.

Speaking of things I love, I’m kind of obsessed with this Postal Service cover of “Against All Odds”:

All that said, I have a proposal: in honor of the Olympics, and Phil Collins, why don’t we pretend that I don’t suck at updating my blog, and instead just hold hands and forgive each other (read: you forgive me)? Work for you? Good. I’m back, and I promise, I’m going to be better.

Happy Valentine’s Day, kiddies! Here is how you should celebrate: be thankful for someone you love, and eat chocolate. Here is how you should NOT celebrate: by seeing Valentine’s Day, the movie. Seriously. It was that bad. And don’t be grumpy if you don’t have a sweetheart. That’s too clichéd, and it’s silly. Someone loves you today. I love you today!

There are a lot of gorgeous love songs out there, but because I’m on a Bon Iver kick right now, I’m going to share one of his songs with you:

Whelp, DC is back to work after a four-day (!) run of snow days. Luckily, I’m a lowly student/part-time employee so it’s just another lazy Friday for me. In theory, it’s not supposed to be lazy. Not at all. But there was…well…a lot of wine last night, and then the walking in the snow this morning, and this girl is sleepy. (My life is hard. I know.)

But there are some things to talk about in the blogosphere! First, Sarah Palin is an idiot and Stephen Colbert is awesome. I mean, we knew that, but that clip illustrates it yet again. The pure, unadulterated hatred I feel toward Sarah Palin actually scares me a little bit. Somebody. make. her. stop.

Speaking of making people stop, take a look at John Mayer’s interview with Playboy, if you haven’t already. Reading that thing is exhausting. I can’t imagine what it’s like inside his head.

It’s all okay though, guys. Because today is BEARD FRIDAY. That just means I’m going to show you these images:

If someone wanted to send me a bearded man with a bag full of breakfast sandwiches, I wouldn’t be upset.

I’ve never been the kind of person to pretend to be into sports that I’m not really into. While I was something of a tomboy as a child and played about every sport available to me, there aren’t teams that I follow religiously or extra channels I order to ensure that I can watch every game of a certain season. (Case in point: my sister had to tell me that the school I’m currently attending upset the number two team in basketball yesterday. Oh, right!) That said, I do love sports, and I enjoy watching sports (clearly not on a regular basis, but still…). If a Colorado team is in the playoffs or there is a major sporting event on the teevee, I’ll probably tune in, or at least try to keep myself informed.

In comes the Super Bowl. The Super Bowl, of course, is different. A lot of non-diehard sports fans love the Super Bowl — whether for the commercials or the food or the drinking — and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t one of them. But because this Super Bowl was different for some people I love, it was different for me.

See, my officemate and dear friend E.Lee went to Tulane for law school, as did her boyfriend and a lot of her close friends in DC. I went to a Super Bowl party at their house, replete with gumbo and jambalaya and king cake (oh my!). I won’t capitalize on their emotions or try to adopt them as my own, but suffice it to say: this Super Bowl, this game, meant a lot to them. And not because of the sport, really; as Mr. Luz put it in a heartfelt speech to the crowd, it was never about football. It was because this meant a lot to New Orleans, and because more than any other city, that city would and could appreciate winning a big game like tonight’s. E.Lee said it well when she found out that the Saints were going to the Super Bowl:

The people of New Orleans are rare. They have the fortitude to make it through the hard, heartbreaking times and the spirit to anticipate the joyful times that make it all worthwhile. It’s not about Katrina, it’s about unabashed hope in spite of endless disappointment. It’s always been that way in NOLA, and here is their great reward. Congratulations, New Orleans — the Black and Gold are going to the Superbowl!

Perhaps most impressive about Saints fans, and New Orleans folk in general, is that they have an ability to effortlessly draw people into their circle. The spirit of the city was infectious tonight, and I may or may not have sobbed along with the people for whom this win was personal. Those people wouldn’t judge me for that, or think I’m just half-heartedly jumping on the bandwagon; they’d say “Welcome the fuck aboard,” “We know,” and “Have another beer.” And I love that. That attitude is why I’m so happy tonight, and why this game managed to feel personal for a girl from Colorado who’s never so much as been to New Orleans.

What I’m trying to say, I guess, is WHO DAT. And congratulations, New Orleans. Your people and your gumbo have won me over.

Call it what you wanna call it: DC loves to fah-reeeak out over its snowstorms. Don’t get me wrong; this is a photo I just took from my balcony, and that IS a lot of snow:

But people are acting as though it’s Y2K all over again. The grocery stores are out of eggs, the cabs aren’t running, and I swear to god I saw MANY people purchasing gallons of water as though the pipes are about to freeze when the temperatures are in the high 20s. (Cue my roof collapsing, my eggs running out, and my pipes not only freezing but exploding.)

I personally think the snow is quite lovely! Snow makes me about as happy as sunshine; it’s so gorgeous and peaceful and an instant mood lifter. Plus, a huge snowstorm like this gives everyone an excuse to day drink heavily, eat crappy food, and be as lazy as they would have been anyway, guilt-free! Enjoy it, people. And let’s all cross our fingers that the storm pushes its way through the weekend and gets us all a Monday off.

It’s almost Valentine’s Day and that can only mean ONE thing. Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman’s Kay Jeweler commercials are back! Please, find me one person who watches this commerical and DOESN’T think about Jane Seymour as the motor boatee in Wedding Crashers. Here it is: