Friday, October 19, 2012

At first glance, it looks like another sunny day at Reston's big box nirvana, the Spectrum Center. But that unassuming yellow placard in front of the Macaroni Grill signals big ch-ch-ch-changes a-comin': the long-delayed, recently reactivated plans to level most of the Spectrum and replace it with more than 1,400 residential units, 255 hotel rooms, 172,000 square feet of office space and 245,000 square feet of retail are back on track, with a Fairfax County Planning Commission public hearing scheduled for Nov. 1.

We knew this day would come, but seeing that placard of Sad in front of Reston's signature midscale chain eatery makes it real in a very painful, artery-clogging way. So, it is with a heavy heart that we move the minute hand on the Macaroni Grill Doomsday Clock a minute closer to midnight:

TICK.

We don't know about you, but we feel an emotion-fueled carbohydrate binge coming on. Time to go eat our feelings, the end.

Update: Our favorite correspondent and Reston's Poet Laureate, the Peasant from Less Sought After South Reston, has done it again.

13 comments:

Time to immortalize the Macaroni Grill with a song. With apologies to the immortal Don McLean:

Macaroni Grill Pie

A long long time agoI can still remember howThat pasta used to make me smileAnd I knew if I had rezoningThat I could have those diners moaningAnd maybe they’d be sad for a whileBut Cathy Hudgins made me shiverWith every charrette she’d deliverBad news for poor RestonI couldn’t ask one more questionI can’t remember if I criedWhen I read about how they triedBut something touched me deep insideThe day the Macaroni Grill diedSo

[Last stanza]I met a chef who ran the GrillAnd I asked her for some fresh roadkillBur she just smiled and turned awayI went back to our RTCWhere I ate at Mon Ami GabiBut the cook there said no more linguiniAnd in the streets the diners screamedThe peasants cried, and realtors dreamedBut not a word was spokenThe Macaroni Grill was brokenAnd the three men I admire mostBob Simon, Rod, and Mr. MiltonCaught Metro to the downtown HiltonThe day the Macaroni Grill diedAnd they were singing

However, there are much BIGGER issues involved with the high rise structures that will be built at the site of the Spectrum.

Namely, 1) aerodynamic concerns, and 2.) loss of diversity concerns.

Concerning #1: Aerodynamic engineers and scientists have long known about the wind tunnels created by high rise structures. This effect is particularly dangerous as Reston Town Center every May during the Greater Reston Arts Center’s Northern Virginia Fine Arts Festival. On average, between 13-15 artists each year are sucked up by the winds and hurled toward Great Falls. There is a reason why the smart and experienced participating artists weigh their tents down with 500 tons of water barrels and surplus military grade anti-missile bunker concrete. The latest scientific study estimates that the wind tunnel effect that will be created by the redevelopment of the Spectrum will generate near hurricane force winds..

…which brings us to concern #2, the critical loss of an important element of diversity for Reston. As we all known just down the street and hill from the Spectrum is the Reston Hilton Homeless Day Lodge & Restaurant, better known to most at the Reston Public Library. It’s estimated that the wind tunnel effect will likely pick up and throw between 50-75 homeless lodgers at the Reston Public Library per day during their mid-morning cigarette breaks and hurl them toward Herndon. There should be no negative impact on Herndon, given the fact that most of the people that own their own homes are in fact homeless. However, the loss of Reston’s homeless population will thus artificially skew Reston’s demographic with the result being that the bottom 1% of Reston’s population will in the future not be its homesless population, but will be wealthy townhouse owners surrounding the Reston National Golf Course that actually hate golf and are completely agnostic on the concept of redeveloping anything above sea level.

"Mean Daddy D's post reminds me of one of those unfunny SNL skits that go on for far too long."

The redevelopment skits that play out in Reston remind me of a corrupt land developer and its paid for district supervisor enabler that both spend too much time watching reruns of one of those unfunny SNL skits that go on for far too long.

But, more to the point, Anonymous complaining about my failed comedy routine reminds me of Chevy Chase on an alcoholic bender complaining about having to apologize for his latest racist rant.

I have no love for the Macaroni Grill, though I would miss the doomsday clock. I can only hope that a better restaurant-one that is less carb oriented, thank you-will eventually compete for our affection.