Sunday, May 14, 2006

Heard in the Echo Chamber - Palmetto Campaign Watch

By now many of you have probably seen or heard of the latest Sic Willie Joint, Palmetto Campaign Watch.

An e-mail newsletter distributed by the thousands to his loyal legions, Palmetto Campaign Watch kicked off last week with a slap directed at Bob "Mo' Money" Staton, the longtime tax-and-spend liberal Democrat who wants you to think he's a waste-cutting conservative Republican.

FITS has learned that this coming week's installment of PCW will be directed at State Senator Greg "Dice Man" Ryberg, and that future editions may even include fact checks of Gov. Mark Sanford's new ads.

To sign up for the new Palmetto Campaign Watch e-mail list and get hooked up with the truth behind the ads, just e-mail our resident evil genius himself at will.folks@gmail.com.

To avoid being the subject of a Palmetto Campaign Watch, here's a novel idea: Tell the truth in your ads.

SUSPICIOUS PACKAGE

Downtown Jokerville was abuzz last Thursday when a suspicious package forced a brief evacuation of the State House. Legislators and lobbyists fled from the object while Protective Service agents gingerly approached it, ultimately discovering a single common sense, fiscally-conservative idea inside.

Suspicious, indeed at the South Carolina State House.

SUB SINKING McCONNELL?

In case you didn't pick up your copy of La Socialista (a.k.a. The State newspaper) this morning, "news columnist" John Monk broke it off on State Sen. Glenn McConnell.

According to Monk's article McConnell, a powerful and eclectic old-schooler who basically has his way with the Senate given his status as President Pro Tempore and Judiciary Chairman, has steered nearly $100 million to the submarine, most of it in taxpayer dollars that veered well outside the bounds of established procurement guidelines.

McConnell, who didn't comment for the article saying he feared a "negative outcome," certainly got one, with more bad news apparently en route. Monk's article is the first in a three-part series on the sub and its finances, and while a case can certainly be made for this particular reporter's lack of objectivity and inability to play fair with the side he opposes, the fact remains that these are very damaging revelations for the powerful Senator.

It probably also didn't help that the story ran with an above-the-fold photo of McConnell - owner of a Civil War Memorabilia store and longtime re-enactor - wearing a Confederate General's uniform.

Believe it or not, we here at FITS are fans of both Sen. McConnell and his submarine. History should be celebrated, and a well-done Hunley museum could be a major cash cow for South Carolina's tourism economy, bringing thousands of visitors and their sorely-needed revenue to our state.

Our only question is this: If getting $100 million for the Hunley was so easy to get through the legislative process, what happened to the government restructuring bill McConnell sponsored and claimed to champion on behalf of Gov. Mark Sanford back in 2004?

Oh that's right, we forgot. It didn't even make it out of his own committee intact.

If Monk's story proved anything, it's that if McConnell really wants something, he gets it.

DARLIN' DON'T YOU GO AND CUT YOUR HAIR ...

In a much more important development emanating from the South Carolina Lowcountry, Flopp-a-licious Charleston Post and Courier reporter/columnist John Frank got his hair cut last week.

We're sure hundreds of State House groupies joined the Stiletto Mafia (and possibly Gervais S. Bi-ridges, too) in shedding copious tears over the loss of those luxurious locks.

Say it ain't so, John!

No word yet on whether State reporter Aaron Gould Sheinin will follow suit and trim his sideburns, or whether the original well-heeled lobbyist Dwight Drake will get cracking on that pesky ear and nose hair.

2006 SINE DIE SUPERLATIVES COMING SOON

FITS' Stiletto Mafia is proud to announce a brand new partnership with a powerful, as yet undisclosed organization for the purpose of bringing you the "2006 Sine Die Superlatives," an upcoming awards post like nothing you've ever seen.