Let me start by saying I don’t in any way shape or form advocate this behavior.

I’m going to assume we’re talking about driving scenarios since as long as you’re not being an a royal pain in the butt there’s no reason you should be having police problems outside of car for drinking.

Back when I was young and crazy I had a few drinking violations. No matter what, it’s always important to remain polite / civil towards the policemen doing their jobs. It won’t change the initial result (you’re still going to get charged / fined), but later if you have to go to court, it may have a significant impact on the flexibility of the judge and the overall manner of the proceedings.

Regarding your scenarios:

1) If you’ve had 2-3 and are sure you’re fine, either say you haven’t been drinking or say something to the effect of “I literally had one beer three hours ago when I arrived”. The bluff may work, or worst case scenario you’ll have to take a breathalyzer which you should have no trouble passing. If they want you to get out and walk around on the line or say your ABC’s or whatever, politely ask if you can just skip to the breathalyzer and be on your way (since the sobriety tests don’t hold any weight in court and are only used against people as bonus evidence in the event they’re so hammered they’re falling over, etc). Once they have you out of the car and doing sobriety tests you’re probably getting the breathalyzer no matter what. The reason you never say “two beers” is because that is the standard line for someone who had significantly more, so it’s more likely to just work against you as you’ll be grouping yourself in with the drunks.

2) 3-5 drinks is iffy. I would still recommend pulling the 1 drink bluff, especially if you’re the designated driver because any scent and the cause of the pull-over can be blamed on the passengers and you can make a joke about them and roll your eyes to try to pass off the attention and put yourself on the side of the lawman. Try to remain casual, but businesslike (not overly chatty). If you’re slurred or fumbling on words, you’re done. Beyond that, there’s not much you can do, if they decide to breathalyze you, the chips will fall where they will. It’s good practice to always check your headlights and tail lights before leaving the bar and always use your signals. Also, don’t be distracted messing with your phone, radio, etc. Best practice is to just not drive, obviously, but I’m just answering the question as posed. I grew up in a rural area with no taxi service, so you just had to learn your limits and to be as careful as possible.

3) This is a bad scenario. If it’s ever at this point your best option is to bum a ride or get a cab. If this doesn’t work, or you don’t feel like coming back for your car in the morning, then sleep in your car for a solid 8-10 hours. You’re hammered so you won’t care if it’s uncomfortable and it’s just way to unsafe.

Fortunately I have never been on the receiving end of a DUI, but I have been extremely lucky. Far too many of my friends sporadically got their share of DUIs in college. A lot of my friends’ parents are lawyers and some of them have done DUI defense work from time to time. Their advice to me was as follows:

If you think you might get a DUI you probably will. Don’t ever perform the field sobriety tests. You can decline the field sobriety tests with zero repercussion aka refusal to comply cannot be held against you. These so called “tests” are highly subjective and place your fate entirely in the hands of the arresting the officer. Also, the sobriety tests are filmed on the police cruisers so should you get a DUI I can guarantee you that the video will be used as evidence against you. All you say is “Sir/Mam I politely decline the field sobriety test”. Once you decline the field sobriety test the police officer will ask you to submit to a breathalyzer/chemical test. If you are 100% sure you will blow an alcohol reading below your state’s limit then blow. If you’re pretty bombed you need to decline the breathalyzer test. Once you decline the breathalyzer your license will be suspended because of the “implied consent” law and you’ll most likely be carted to jail. At some point you will likely be given a BAC test at the police station that you must submit to. There are different forms: blood, urine, and breath. The urine test is the least accurate and the blood test is the most accurate. If given the choice you would want the urine test as your lawyer will be able to discredit that test in court no matter what the reading indicates. Here’s where you hire a lawyer to get your license back. It’s expensive, but that’s the cost of driving drunk and it will likely keep you from having a DUI on your record.

Rule of thumb, if you’re too drunk to drive and get pulled over: Don’t talk, don’t walk, and don’t blow. The last thing you want to do is incriminate yourself and give the state more evidence to convict you of a DUI.

My strategy is to perfect my drunk tap dancing routine. If I get pulled over, the cops won’t believe anyone can tap dance so well while drunk.

Seriously though, don’t drink and drive. If you kill yourself, fine - that’s the decision you made. However, if you’re in an accident, it will most likely involve other people who don’t deserve to pay for your mistakes.

“Making profit is important, but it is not more important than being tolerant and understanding towards others.” -klara

Also, just to add to ChuckRox, in various states the penalties differ, but in mine, refusal to blow the breathalyzer at any point is almost definitely going to result in a non-negotiable 1 year loss of license on top of anything else that occurs. So I would only take that option if I was 100% sure that there was some benefit. For instance, if you refuse to take the breathalyzer and get taken to the station, then fail a blood test (they often won’t give you the choice at that point), you’re screwed in so many ways. Particularly since from a loss of license perspective, a first offense DUI is often only a few months. So, I wouldn’t rush to say don’t take the breathalyzer.

Let me start by saying I don’t in any way shape or form advocate this behavior.

I’m going to assume we’re talking about driving scenarios since as long as you’re not being an a royal pain in the butt there’s no reason you should be having police problems outside of car for drinking.

Back when I was young and crazy I had a few drinking violations. No matter what, it’s always important to remain polite / civil towards the policemen doing their jobs. It won’t change the initial result (you’re still going to get charged / fined), but later if you have to go to court, it may have a significant impact on the flexibility of the judge and the overall manner of the proceedings.

Regarding your scenarios:

1) If you’ve had 2-3 and are sure you’re fine, either say you haven’t been drinking or say something to the effect of “I literally had one beer three hours ago when I arrived”. The bluff may work, or worst case scenario you’ll have to take a breathalyzer which you should have no trouble passing. If they want you to get out and walk around on the line or say your ABC’s or whatever, politely ask if you can just skip to the breathalyzer and be on your way (since the sobriety tests don’t hold any weight in court and are only used against people as bonus evidence in the event they’re so hammered they’re falling over, etc). Once they have you out of the car and doing sobriety tests you’re probably getting the breathalyzer no matter what. The reason you never say “two beers” is because that is the standard line for someone who had significantly more, so it’s more likely to just work against you as you’ll be grouping yourself in with the drunks.

2) 3-5 drinks is iffy. I would still recommend pulling the 1 drink bluff, especially if you’re the designated driver because any scent and the cause of the pull-over can be blamed on the passengers and you can make a joke about them and roll your eyes to try to pass off the attention and put yourself on the side of the lawman. Try to remain casual, but businesslike (not overly chatty). If you’re slurred or fumbling on words, you’re done. Beyond that, there’s not much you can do, if they decide to breathalyze you, the chips will fall where they will. It’s good practice to always check your headlights and tail lights before leaving the bar and always use your signals. Also, don’t be distracted messing with your phone, radio, etc. Best practice is to just not drive, obviously, but I’m just answering the question as posed. I grew up in a rural area with no taxi service, so you just had to learn your limits and to be as careful as possible.

3) This is a bad scenario. If it’s ever at this point your best option is to bum a ride or get a cab. If this doesn’t work, or you don’t feel like coming back for your car in the morning, then sleep in your car for a solid 8-10 hours. You’re hammered so you won’t care if it’s uncomfortable and it’s just way to unsafe.

As a rule of thumb, your liver can process (eliminate) 1 drink per hour. One drink is quantified as a normal glass of wine, beer (I think 12 oz) or one mixed drink or shot. They’re all processed the same way, so it really doesn’t matter what you drank. Legal limits are set pretty conservatively at what is deemed unlikely to impair your driving. Most adult males are at the legal limit between 1-2 beers -IN their system-. This doesn’t mean two beers all night, it means 2-3 beers worth of booze unprocessed in your blood. So, if you have two beers over two hours, you’re likely at or near zero. If you go out for five hours and have seven drinks (evenly spaced, time before doesn’t count), you’re essentially near the limit at 2. Now if you go out in that same scenario and have 1 beer at the beginning of the five hour stretch, then the other six at the start of hour five, then you likely have about five beers in your system. It’s definitely a concept to keep in mind as you go out drinking. Drink intelligently, and timing is key. Luckily, since I moved to the city about four years ago, that hasn’t been a problem since. Just take a cab, it’s much nicer.

I need to stop drinking and driving so much. I’m sure I’ve already overstayed my lucky break. Before the haters start, rest assured I don’t drive when I’m fked the fk up. But I do drive when I’m confident in my ability to operate a machine, but not confident if I had to open wide and say, “Oh fk” before blowing into a breathalyzer.

A cop I know told me he often makes suspected drunk drivers recite the alphabet backwards. Often the subject gets defensive and says, “Backwards! I couldn’t even do that if I was sober!” Busted!

I believe it varies by state, but that backwards alphabet trick is now banned where I am. Court said it’s entrapment. The new trick they’re using here is asking you to start with the letter G (or whatever).

The easiest way out of all of this is just not to put yourself in this position in the first place. Outrun the cops!

I ramed a girl in traffic when I was drunk, it was 10 meters before a police check point which was set up specificly to find dumbasses like myself. I got out of the car and impolitely talked to the cops and yelled at them. They had enough with me so the smashes my face into the hood and gave me a pretty good beating after putting me in handcuffs. It was probably one of the most embarassing things I have ever done. They did not take me to jail because they felt bad for me since they beat teh crap out of me.

Started that night as a tough guy, hard to be a tough guy with a swollen eye. Started the night as a finance professional but again did not feel very professional at the end of the night. Lesson learned, I don’t drink as much now, and I sure as hell dont drive….

The dumbass drunk guy on COPS could be you ! I laughed at those guys for years… take care guys