The Sims 4‘s Toddler Stuff Pack (stuff packs being the tier of paid DLC that adds cosmetics and objects and things around a particular theme) is how I found out I have opinions about ball pool physics and ball pools as represented in games. I have frequented many a ball pool – sometimes even a ball lido – and I know that The Sims 4 is eliding many a problem with ball pools.

For one it’s entirely possible to perform a ball pool bellyflop and significantly injure yourself but here it’s all fun and games. Actually, I’d say it’s harder to dive or jump into a ball pool and make it look like a fun experience than it is to do so and really hurt yourself. It’s also impossible to confine balls to the ball pool area. Oh, and there’s not a single frame of the trailer showing an adult having to clamber through a ball pool searching for and then hauling out their recalcitrant toddler. Further objections include the fact that you can’t keep adults out of a children’s ball pool and, somewhat relatedly, that I find it objectionable that EA seem to be taking a stand against a grown woman’s right to enjoy a ball pool.

They do manage to recapture an actual argument I had with my brother over who had the right to play with a plastic dinosaur, though. (My argument was: “I’m older and I want it more” and his was “but it is literally my toy dinosaur”).

Alice warned you all about the toddler update which added these wilful miniatures ages ago so if you actually downloaded it you have only yourself to blame. “Why not make the best of the situation,” say EA, as paraphrased by me, “and chuck in a bit more cash to dress them up and imprison them in a ball pit?”

Here is the less paraphrased version:

“The Sims 4 Toddler Stuff Pack provides a variety of adorable new outfits for you to enjoy. Whether dressed as cute little foxes, or sprightly fairies, your tot’s imagination will run wild. But don’t worry, clothing isn’t just about play time. Your fashion-focused toddlers will enjoy a more stylish ensemble to fit their tastes, alongside new hair styles as well.

“And what’s a toddler pack without new tot-sized playground equipment?! From hopping into the ball pit, to scooting down their new slide, or scuttling through colorful tunnels, there is lots of fun to be had. In fact, they can even play make-believe while watching their new play structure turn into a pirate shipwreck resting on the ocean floor, or exploring the galaxy as an astronaut – the choice is theirs. You can even invite your neighbors’ toddlers over for a play date! Let loose, make new friends, and let your Sim parents increase the fun through story telling, and cooking up the tyke’s favorite foods.

I watched the trailer again and got cross that the toddlers have the best outfits. TODAY IS MAKING ME SO CRANKY.

Anyway, Toddler Stuff will be out on 24 August. Looking at the other Sims 4 Stuff Packs it’ll probably be at the £7.99 price point. If you’re off to Gamescom you could also try it out a bit earlier as it’s going to be on the show floor there from 22 August, otherwise maybe wait and take a peek at what some of the Sims 4 streamers do with the pack in case that takes your fancy.