Fergie, the etymologically challenged man

Will someone please buy Fergie a dictionary. As we all know he has no concept of time – in his world there is real time that we all use, and Fergietime, which is rather vague and elastic, and which lasts for as long as he says it does. Now it seems he’s not too sure about other words. Following Man United’s FA Cup defeat against Leeds, he said,

“The referee gave five minutes, that is an insult to the game and the players out there”

Erm, no Fergie, that wasn’t an insult, it was a remarkably long period of extra (Fergie) time following a second half with no major stoppages. I’m guessing the word insult doesn’t mean what you think it means. No problem, I’m happy to help alleviate your confusion.

The ref coming over and calling you a pompous windbag

Or encouraging the Leeds players to drop their shorts and moon your team

Or allowing a gang of Liverpool fans to serenade you with the Man U haters song

Or inviting Trinny and Susanna onto the pitch to criticise your lack of sartorial elegance, then grab your man-boobs

Or telling you Mrs Ferguson had informed him that not only do you snore, but it’s somewhat reminiscent of a warthog

All the above would be insulting. A referee making a legitimate decision during a football match is not an insult, no matter how much you dislike it.