Illuminated Site of the Week Archives

Here is a list of ALL previous winners of the IllSotW:

February 19, 2015: Illuminated Site of the Week: Delicious, Nutritious, Overtly Vicious

Freddie Wong and Brandon Laatsch's video studio Rocket Jump is responsible for some memorable content. For example, remember commercials from the 90s? Here's betting you don't recall them quite like this. (And if you don't want the kids recalling them in the middle of the night for the next week, steer them away from it.)

-- Suggested by Scott Slemmons

February 6, 2015: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Cat's Eee-Yow

Horror writer H.P. Lovecraft felt the most merciful thing in the world was that men couldn't correlate its contents. Having your cat do it for you doesn't seem like much of an improvement. His cognitive abilities are limited to say the least, and he'll probably bat at the tentacles of monsters with his claws when they come for him. But why not let him take all the chances exploring the darkest areas of this veil of tears? If you're willing to venture into Tumblr - surely as maddening an experience as any Howard Philips could have imagined - you can see how observations on the Mythos jibe when paired with cat pictures at H.P. Lovecat.

-- Suggested by Simon Ponder and Scott Slemmons

December 3, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: Bared-Bones Conspiracy

Pay no attention to the people who say that evolution isn't real or that men once rode dinosaurs: David Wozney explains how the mighty lizards may never have existed at all in Dinosaurs: Science Or Science Fiction. Using everything from poor judgment to plaster casts, have paleontologists constructed in their own minds (and in several museum displays) flights of fancy that do a disservice to real science? Have carbon dating and fossil studies been a waste of precious decades? He even goes to the trouble of offering alternative theories about possible mentions of same in the Bible, should those be muddying the, uhm . . . historic? . . . waters for anyone. If true, it may represent one of the greatest conspiracy frauds ever perpetrated on mankind - certainly the biggest one built from chicken bones, anyway.

-- Suggested by Doctor Atlantis

September 17, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: Love Never Dies

To know the true meaning of love, the sort of affection between two people who will do anything for each other, one need only hear the touching story of Juliana and Benjamin. Many of us face tests in the early stages of a relationship, but their tale is one of perseverance, trust, and bravery. Something this undying inspires us all.

-- Suggested by Scott Slemmons

August 14, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: This Site May Change Your Mind

Though only figuratively . . . at this stage. Cyborgs aren't just the stuff of "Ah-nold's" films; they're happening here and now. Ever stopped to think your cellphone is the electronic equivalent of a crying, hungry child? Or that God is what happens when life maximizes its complexity? The learned folks at Cyborg Anthropology have. What else can you call it when people start sticking increasingly involved technological devices onto, or into, their bodies? You may expand your horizons, your definitions, or your disbelief, but you'll think differently about the computer you use to visit the site . . .

-- Andy

June 5, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: "These People Have The Brains Of Squid"

So said Dave Barry, but could that be a good thing? Ask the folks at Squid A Day. In a world where an octopus named Paul can call the sports winners, is it so hard to think our squishy brethren of the sea might know a whole lot that we don't? Their ink may heal or improve blood vessels, they get their eggs into space for research . . . Face it, however much fun we have with squid, dedicated and singleminded blogger Danna Staaf is having even more.

-- Paul Chapman

May 14, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: And Yet No One Says Anything About Their Cars

Yugoslavia has a rich and textured history. Part of that story has an until-recently hidden segment that's either inspiring or disturbing, depending on your viewpoint. Crack Two offers a page entitled 25 Abandoned Yugoslavia Monuments that look like they're from the Future. The capitalization is all theirs; the emotions are yours. Intended by Tito's communist regime to commemorate battles and concentration camps from the war, these may now be Places of Mystery, sites of great power, or just masterpieces in progress that simply scream for . . . whatever their message is.

-- Suggested by Pookie

May 7, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: Tekeli-Li, Tintin

Sure, Hergé's spunky hero had a good half-century run, but with a new mega-motion-capture movie coming up this year Tintin could use some new blood. The fresh slate of enemies should include some Lovecraftian horrors, according to Mythos artist Murray Groat. It's easy to conquer Antarctica when the ice doesn't buckle beneath your feet, boyo, but we're sure you don't go 50 years without learning a thing or two not found in the Necronomicon. Not if you want to be around for the sequel without Herbert West's help, at any rate.

-- Suggested by Walter Croft

April 29, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: Get Your Sheepskin At Fleece

Fleece University, that is. This generation teaches that one the elements of Discordianism, so long as they don't mind learning it at the hands . . . er, wings, of geese. They're still getting the golden apple rolling, but you can lay out on the quad, help the hsitory department by telling them "What just happened?", and buy books at the school store. Hmm. Some of these titles sound familiar. Why let others blow your mind when Fleece teaches you to do for yourself?

(Yes, they know geese don't provide fleece; Jiminy, you've got a lot to learn about Discordianism. If only there was a place - hey!)

-- Suggested by Colin

April 10, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: It Looked So Much Better On Paper

The next time the Department of Homeland Security wants to do a dry run to test everyone for disaster preparedness, they should see how they fare against zombies. Maybe you recall the paper from the University of Ottawa we featured in August of 2009 that explained the dynamics behind same, but that's just math on a page. Daniel W. Drezner, professor of international politics, knows whereof he speaks. Having little better to do at Tufts, he spells out his Theories of International Politics and Zombies. How would the governments of the world react to a massive outbreak of undead? We're guessing a lot of committees get formed, but we're not the go-to guys, are we?

-- Suggested by Ted Skirvin

March 1, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: It's In The Cards

The New World Order is rich, but the resistance isn't! That's why the ConspiracyCards.com "Awakening center" accepts donations and charges $7.95 for a pack of eight "factual Conspiracy Cards." If ever you find yourself unable to recall crucial elements of the Secret Masters' plans for domination, you can flip to the appropriate card in your reference library to see what They are up to. Mix 'em, match 'em, get 'em on CD. The creator was deported, but you can get this and many other playthings -- truth-based action figures, board games, statuettes -- at their website. They even have a gas-masked site model in a bikini.

-- Suggested by Anders Starmark

February 11, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: Millions Of Years Late And A Dollar Short

Some Christians believe dinosaurs and Man lived side by side for some time about 4,000 years ago, and we felt it was appropriate to give some time to another side of the discussion:

Some Jewish folks also believe dinosaurs and Man lived side by side for some time about 4,000 years ago.

Hope of Israel Ministries has a lot to say about the timeline, and their website rejects mainstream science's understanding of the flow of prehistory. Carbon dating takes a back seat to cave drawings, and broken pottery trumps the fossil record. No one mentions saddling a dinosaur and riding it into battle, but you just know all the cool kids were doing it.

-- Andy

January 21, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Truth Shall Set Your Teeth On Edge

Brother Veritus' Website is just that: the truth. He's sifted through a lot of information, and if you can penetrate his English (we must assume the Spanish half of the site is easier to absorb), you'll get a heaping helping of his philosophy. "The truth" seems to consist of inspirational sayings and pithy bons mots usually not found outside posters with cats on them. But you can find references to the Illuminati here and there, and more than one accusation that we're all sleeping, stupid, or both, so it seems appropriate to include it in your orientation package.

-- Suggested by Anders

September 11, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: Several Conspiracies, No Waiting

What are you afraid of? Hollywood's ubiquitous and corrupting influence? The hidden perils of organized religion? The secret plans your government has aligned against you? According to Advent of Deception, you need not fear any one of them . . . you should be terrified of all of them. Aliens seem friendly only because the movies make them come across sweet 'n' cuddly. Not only is mind control patented, they disguise it within high-definition television, a technology they've been working on since 1936. And if the Gulf oil spill and the death of most of the Polish government in a plane crash don't convince you the schemes extend beyond America's borders, well, there are movie reviews as well. With numerology.

"[D]ifferent piglets are rolling in the mud within the singular Illuminati Occult Pig Pen." Ew. If they're not careful, they might give people a poor impression of the New World Order.

-- Andy

September 3, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Doctors Will See Right Through You Now

If you thought a visit to the doctor was a scary thing, wait until you find out about all the stuff mainstream medicine hasn't been telling you. The Whale gives us the skinny on the vaccine "racket," the ease with which AIDS ought to be treated (it's the causes, you see, not the cures), and more on the dental conspiracy. To get invited to all the right parties, they also devote pages to the usual suspects: 9/11 theories, dowsing, orgone (they'll even sell you the orgonite), and more. Be warned, with all the shoptalk on disease, you can run across the occasional unpleasant picture on this site. But then, if you haven't got your health, what have you got?

-- Andy

August 13, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: Earth's Egocentric View Of The Universe

Science has been getting it all wrong. The Earth is the center of the universe and doesn't move (if it did, you'd feel the wind, wouldn't you?). It's not even worthwhile to debate with scientists who insist the Earth moves, because they're tools of a conspiracy, and not just any conspiracy, but a Satanic one. You had no idea, did you? The Moving-Earth DECEPTION!! site has large, easy-to-read type, and features explanatory illustrations such as a sheep, an ostrich, President Obama, the sun, Alice in Wonderland, and a pair of boxing gloves.

-- Suggested by Robert Hood

July 23, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: Here, Let Us Blow That Up For You

That headline may be more than a little unfair. Suffice it to say, we haven't mentioned the marvel that is the Large Hadron Collider before now, and it's time to rectify that. If you're a gamer, it's a good element to introduce if you'd like to promote time travel, massive explosions, dark matter, strange matter, and high technology. If you're a conspiracy theorist, it's an ill-conceived notion at best and an attack on mankind at worst. And if you're a science geek? Well, smashing particles into each other at nearly the speed of light just might unlock the secrets of the universe and revolutionize modern science. If you're into that sort of thing.

-- Andy

July 2, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: "Guns Don't Kill People . . ."

". . . it's those darn bullets. The guns just make them go really fast." So warned Jake Johannsen, but now you can strafe an entire office with an AK-47 and no one will buy the farm. (Mind, someone will still lose an eye.) Jack Streat has devised a functioning Lego assault rifle over at the MOCpages, complete with rounds, a magazine, a slide, the works. Now dawns a new age of warfare, in which bunker busters must be able to penetrate Lincoln Logs stacked eight deep. We hope. Until someone gets on that, YouTube has the video.

-- Suggested by J. Michael Looney

June 12, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: I Never Heard Of Any Such Game

The New World Order, the Illuminati -- it sounds like we wrote it. But no, it's ALL TRUE! It's a worldwide conspiracy involving identity and national resource cards, carbon footprints, and all the other devious machinations the Powers That Be employ to maintain a stranglehold on the Earth. And since it calls into question the activities of the Technocracy, the fine folks over at White Wolf must have had a hand in it, too, right? Anders Bruur Laurser, the author of the site Technocracy: Active, Ancient Satanistic Brotherhood, has been blogging about the evil Technocracy conspiracy. Commenters have pointed out that the Wikipedia article he cites is about a roleplaying game, but they haven't spoiled the fun. He now thinks it's got something to do with computers and calls it a "game-playing role," and he's still pretty sure it's all true even if a game company is involved. And, after all, he's on the Internet, so he has to be right.

We can't say it often enough: fnord!

-- Suggested by Jürgen Hubert

June 4, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: Axis & Allies & Aliens

Their biggest moment is more than six decades in the rearview mirror, but the Nazis continue to pester us . . . with air superiority, no less. The optimistically named Time Travel Research Center has collected a series of grainy photographs, old magazine sheets, and, apparently, 1970s rock album covers to determine just how dangerous the Nazis became when they went to ground. In the, uh, air. So did they get their data from aliens, or are reports of ETs really of unknown clutches of Nazis testing their secret projects into the modern world? The page peers at historical personages in the field, the various advancements in power and flight technologies, and the blueprints, should someone finally wise up and try to close the flying saucer gap.

-- Suggested by Eric Newsom

May 1, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Brackets Are Already Filled Because "They" Know Who's Going To Win

You've heard the phrase "American royalty," but do you know who they're talking about? Presidents, of course (and anyone Barbara Walters chooses to interview, but that's another enigma). Royal Presidents: Davidic Covenant Fulfilled in the United States lays it all out for you. Seems the Biblical King David was promised that one of his descendants would perpetually be on the throne of Israel, and somehow that piece of furniture has found its way to the Oval Office. Burke's Peerage has been choosing presidential winners for two centuries, and it's no accident it all comes down to how much royal blood runs through one's veins. Don't think there's really a family connection that links the presidents? Check the bottom of the page and see for yourself. Apology accepted.

-- Andy

April 24, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: Conspiracy The Uncovered

Aliens the Truth gathers quite a bit about our little green (or gray or . . .) friends. Their video collection (the site owners', not the aliens') alone is worth a visit, though a lot of these run to eight minutes or more. Someone seems to have taken the time to arrange things rather neatly, which is rare, so one may find links to all manner of new and interesting people and places. There's some fringe material there for ghosts and so on, too, if you know where to look, but that's the whole point of these pages, right? Keeping an eye out for inexplicably out-of-place stuff? You can help out. Send them your links, send them your videos, send them your stories, and send them your unused punctuation.

-- Suggested by Anders

April 18, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: Weighty Matters

Can we terraform Mars? Could Venus be made to support life? How do we mine the asteroid belt? Would a Lava Lamp work on Jupiter? Neil Fraser has too much time on his hands, so he agreed to check that last one. Several iterations and lots of broken equipment, later he had the answer sitting in his living room, frightening the neighbors and flipping breakers. Check out Mr. Fraser's centrifuge photos and video as science marches on . . . it's not like you're building a fusion drive in your living room, Einstein.

-- Suggested by Charles Oines

April 11, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: They Should Have Kept The Name

Billed as the fourth dimension of flight, Aeroscraft is the next wave in airships. See the world from the observation deck! Preview the future of Transhuman Space and Car Wars! Scout the terrain! Land anywhere! Invade your enemies!

The Wikipedia article says that it uses technology from the canceled DARPA WALRUS HULA airship. It's heartbreaking to think that something called WALRUS HULA could have been canceled, and we owe Aeroscraft a debt of gratitude for keeping the torch alight.

Imagine the nose art. Just imagine.

-- Suggested by Aaron Smith

March 6, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: A World Of War-Crafting

Everyone already knows Lego bricks are great fun (at least, if you read the Daily Illuminator you already know it). Now turn a killer toy into killer fun with BrickArms. These folks have gone to entirely too much trouble to create customized weapons for your little soldiers - machine guns, bazookas, even a trusty bat. They have a couple of accessory parts that Lego really should have thought of already: the U-clip and the round minifig stand. They even offer entire custom minifigs . . . mustache-twirling villains and female sheriff's deputies. Get the weapons in different color sets. Get one weapon in multicolored glory. Get them in clear plastic. Give your tiny agent a briefcase with a tiny SMG in it. In fact, just get them, before the awesome overwhelms you.

-- Suggested by Edward Elder

February 26, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: . . . And Touch The Face Of God

At the very least you'll get a good gander at it. The cutting edge of neurotheology is the God helmet, a device that lets you peer at . . . well, it's not wholly clear whether you'll see God or Christ or something/someone else entirely. And isn't that the beauty of science? The uncertainty that at any moment you could tune to the wrong channel in a metaphysical sense and be spiritually assaulted by Xenu or touched by the noodly appendage of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Contact with demonic entities and a host of other paranormal experiences is possible when this thing goes to work on your grey matter. There are software upgrades, and if you have any questions about your attempts to contact supreme beings, they have technical support.

-- Suggested by Michael Shermer

February 5, 2010: Illuminated Site Of The Week: Look, On The Uptown Bus!

Been holding out for a hero? You and Bonnie Tyler both. The World Superhero Registry has a lot of promise, listing several heroes, active and retired. (If you're hoping to get help from one of them, you might want to enter them into your cell phone before you need them.) Several defenders of justice are recognized, but there are dozens of them pending or working their way up through the ranks (just in case you're a hero yourself and are in the market for a sidekick). No, we don't know anything about Doktor DiscorD, and there's no truth to the rumor that you never see him in the same room as SJ Games' staff. Honestly, how these things get started . . .

-- Andy

January 22, 2010: Illuminated Site Of The Week: We Have A Lot To Talk About

Human consciousness, soul transference . . . these might seem like confusing subjects, but that's only because you haven't been to Earthscape yet. At that point, they become utterly baffling. If you're feeling down or self-destructive, that's just someone else riding shotgun on your soul and forcing you into weird behavior. Learn to understand the oversoul and its components (a "master soul unit" and seven individual soul units). The site puts your mind at ease about things like bionics - the writers realize that stories of aliens and shadow governments cast an unfair pall over these topics - and besides, the new hardware only inhabits your ethereal self.

-- Andy

January 8, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Name of the Game

Think you know games? To ring in the new year, Steelhead Studio had their usual party, but with an unusual party game; indeed, their game was all about everyone else's games. To celebrate the 100th birthday of their house, they had 100 cupcakes - 100 game-themed cupcakes. Their choices included video games, boardgames, traditional games . . . a bit of everything fun. This is your chance to show off. Get all these right and you might have a job lined up in the lucrative gaming industry. Or - who knows - the lucrative cupcake industry.

-- Suggested by cliff

December 13, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Something to Go On

"The toilet is a part of the history of human hygiene which is a critical chapter in the growth of human civilisation." So sayeth Bindeshwar Pathak, curator and founder of the Sulabh International Toilet Museum . . . and yet, creating an institution dedicated to that portion of our history would seem to be a step backward, wouldn't it? We'll skip the obvious jokes about the facilities available at the museum and simply hit some of the high points. One may read up on his paper on the topic (apparently there's more than one historical use for the phrase "bucket brigade"). He lists some of the highlights in the device's evolution (though really, does anything beat just having them around?). And then there's the unfortunately named Sulabh Movement (we just report, we don't judge), the books, the statistics.

-- Andy

November 27, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Here Are Your Instructions

Agent, uh . . . "jodi"? . . . agent jodi is back at it. We assume "back," because if this is his (her?) first mission, she's (they're?) thinking two or three steps ahead of the rest of us. It's a code. Or a map. Several maps, perhaps. It's kind of like a computer game from the late 80s, only without the instruction manual, or tech support, or a clearly defined goal. Regardless, it cannot go unanswered. The site: unintelligible. The task: uncertain. Your mission: Dude, don't drag us into this. -- Andy

November 14, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Sun Of A Gun

Remember Rob Cockerham? We mentioned him back in January of 2003. He's the guy who wanted to become the super-shopper by having an army of "cloned" superstore buyers' cards all linked back to him.

Well, it turns out this guy doesn't have an "off" switch – he's always up to some prank or another. It all starts as good fun, but as the light sharpener project shows, eventually one goes mad with power. Now an evil super-genius, he turns his intellect to the task of destroying the world one stick of butter or can of cola at a time. See the many steps required to build such an awesome weapon, and tremble at the thought that if he ever figures out how to point it at the ground at midday, he can liquidate us all.
-- Suggested by Dr. Kromm

October 31, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Real Estate Has Gone To Hell

The housing market is low - lower, in fact, than you think. Pandemonium Real Estate has listings for all the best properties in the Underworld. Want a lakeside view with a dock? Something overlooking the Styx? Don't wait to go to Hell before negotiating these things - order them now! And if you're convinced a loved one has one foot in the grave and another in perdition, it makes a lovely gift. They won't be able to enjoy the overly warm summer evenings on the veranda yet, but they'll receive a handsomely framed certficate informing them of their eternal reward. And anyway, no matter which side of mortality you're living on right now, you already know you're going to hate your neighbors.

-- Suggested by Michael P. Owen

October 24, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Check The Website And See If It'll Eat You

The Cryptid Zoo: A Menagerie of Cryptozoology is quite a mouthful, but if you don't want to become a mouthful for some bizarre, unidentified entity you may wish to bookmark this site. (That way you can be eaten by an identified entity.) It's chock-full of fiendish and freakish animals that share our planet but never actually step into the daylight - or moonlight, depending on their feeding habits. It looks well researched if, uh, that's how one should approach this, and has plenty of outside sources and cross-referencing. Familiar (ahem) names like Bigfoot and Nessie stand beside (relatively) esoteric critters like bunyips, kangaroos, shug monkeys . . . the list goes on.

Wait, what was that middle one again?

-- Andy

October 9, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Brass Ring Just May Grab You

We'd call them sculptures, but they look more like they were born than built. No, it's not some creepy statue that looks eerily alive, it's a series of creepy statues that look eerily like a steampunk engineer's scrapheap took on a life of its own and went for a job interview. Quirky, crazy, and perfectly mesmerizing, the works of Kezanti combine metal and mannequins, engines and optical fibers . . . some are for looking, some are for touching, and a few are even for locomotion. Harlan Ellison says, "Some days you ride the talent, some days the talent rides you." Trust Kezanti to straddle the metaphor.

-- Suggested by Dave

September 18, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Price Of Freedom is Eternal Frothing

Add The Vigilant Citizen to the list of those who Have Their Eye On Things. He (they?) track Conspiracy pawns like songstress Lady Gaga . . . in fact, a number of female pop singers show up on their radar. Apparently being vacuous is a tribute to mind control. (We are, as Dave Barry used to say, not making this up.) To be fair, there are guys who get the treatment, like, uhhh, Fred Flintstone? Okay, bad example. But there's hidden occultism in buildings everywhere, not to mention recent movies like Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (beyond the reviews it got, that is), and (SURPRISE!!!) Dan Brown novels. They'll even list the top five worst 9/11 memorials just to keep you on your toes.

-- Suggested by Andy

August 29, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: They're Feeling No Pain

Can science create zombies? Well, not as far as YOU know. Can it explain zombies? Oh, absolutely, in all kinds of mutually contradictory ways. Can it describe the behavior of zombies in rigorous mathematical fashion? Well, that's the kind of question that could keep us all going for hours.

Except that the University of Ottawa beat us to it.

When Zombies Attack!: Mathematical Modelling of an Outbreak of Zombie Infection (the extra L in the title is the result of Canada in general) is 18 pages of equation-filled goodness, which, to quote the abstract, concludes by showing that "only quick, aggressive attacks can stave off the doomsday scenario: the collapse of society as zombies overtake us all." For extra credit, visit the site of one of the authors, Robert Smith?. (Yes, his name does include the punctuation. Click the link and read for yourself.)

-- Suggested by Pascal Godbout

August 14, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Take The Monoatomic Gold And See How Far The Rabbit Hole Goes

Alchemy gets an update for the new century: It now comes in powder and liquid forms. The Blue Emerald wants to usher you through the Membrane so you can see Truth as it truly is and not as part of the Faketrix, as the site settles on calling it. Eat the Truth, drink it, bathe in it if you have to . . . you paid a couple hundred for the three forms of "Activ8," so you get to make that call. And you'll do it through new eyes, once you've entered your Ultrabeing. -- Suggested by Jerion Evans

August 13, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: ". . . 'Cause I Am Programmed to Take Care of You"

You like your robots, right? So do firefighters, if it means not getting blown up. No longer limited to bomb-disposal units, Man's mechanical offspring now assist London emergency responders. Tanks of gas pose special dangers even after a blaze, and QinetiQ offers a series of robots to help. BBC News has the story and the video.
-- Suggested by Marcus Rowland

August 1, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Stonehenge Is So Last Millennium

Or rather, next millennium. Turns out it's not the oldest monument in that neighborhood by about a thousand years. Researchers at the Damerham Archaeology Project have discovered temples and tombs nearby, and they'll study them if they can get ploughs to stop rolling through there long enough to stick some stakes in the ground. Check out the story at the National Geographic Society; it's what all the hip kids are doing. Then again, we are coming to the party 6,000 years late.

-- Suggested by David Cunnius

July 19, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Who Cares?

Everyone uses and abuses it, but does anyone ever think to ask the Internet for its opinion? No, too busy selfishly ego-surfing and what not. If you would know, go to whatdoestheinternetthink.net (their clunky nomenclature, not ours) and enter something into its search field. It then tells you roughly what the wired world's opinion is of the topic. Russell Crowe and Bigfoot are pretty popular, but then it's surprisingly enthusuastic about certain dictators, too. It loves character actor Richard Kiel, and still hates those hanging chads. Say, maybe it tells us it likes these things because it just wants to feel like it's a part of the crowd.

-- Suggested by Rob Kamm

July 10, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: "You Want to Get Out of Here, You Talk to Me"

"Me" being Karol Bartoszynski, Road Warrior fan extraordinaire. He and his leather-clad friends from Roadwar USA love the Mad Max post-apocalyptic film series. How much? Well, they decided to reenact the climactic chase scene from the second movie, with killer cars swarming down the road in an endless fight for "Juice." They trick out their vehicles, head out on the highway, and start surrounding a rented tanker truck. Sure, they like the usual convention panels and roundtables too, but this event offers something way special. "Special" occasionally being a code for "a night in jail" (the amazing thing being that it only happened once -- io9 has the story).

-- Suggested by Jeremy Zauder

July 8, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Mankind Fights Back

Last time we told you about the likelihood of giant armored spiders roaming the countryside (short recap: Oh, it's comin'), but that was Mother Nature's fault . . . with just a little help from our industrialized society. Sensing somehow (spider senses?) that Mankind was flirting with disaster, someone has answered the call. It turned out to be a Canadian named Jaimie, who's also going to have a giant armored spider as soon as he finishes building it. There's a whole lot of video here, but if you haven't the patience or the bandwidth for that you can cruise around and look at his other projects, including shots of the various injuries Jaimie has sustained in his quest to keep us at the top of the food chain.

-- Suggested by Dave

June 16, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Catches Tanks, Any Size

Still think global warming is just a liberal joke? Then perhaps you'd like to explain how funny it is that, thanks to this inexorable process, the Earth will soon face spiders the size of bank vaults, smart guy. Actually you don't have to: National Geographic has done it for you. They're paid to be all scientific and stuff, though, so for the real story, check The Register. The spiders, they're bigger, they're bulletproof, they're Danish . . . sure, they start small, but they grow up, people. They grow up.

-- Suggested by David Smallwood

Also: Randy's Out There, Somewhere.

May 22, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: . . . And That Jonas Brothers Music Follows Me Everywhere

We know what you're thinking: Everything is a conspiracy. We know this because our spies report it back to us. But with Freedom From Covert Harassment and Surveillance, at least you know the early warning signs like alienated friends and a prickly sensation on your skin. You also discover the evasive value of wet blankets, hear instructional videos (find out if you are a "Manchurian candidate"), and get to join the class-action lawsuit.

You know, these guys are asking for a lot of personal information . . .

-- Andy

May 15, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Art Imitates Lifeforms

If the purpose of art is to hold the mirror up to nature, the world must be one freaky-deaky place . . . at least according to artist Elisabeth Buecher. Most of her work is done with the intention of sparking environmental discussions. Some of it, like Stepparquet, is actually a bit practical, while other items are outright disturbing. And the cherry on the sundae? A few pieces allow your shower to attack you. And no, we don't have GURPS stats for that. Yet.

-- Suggested by Warren Okuma

May 9, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Their Mind Oeuvre Matters

Bad enough the economy is in the dumps; now we're having to import our news of weird happenings from overseas. The British Psychological Society's Research Digest blog tracks stories of just how amazing the human brain can be, especially when there's a screw or two rolling around loose. Ghostly self-images, stroke victims in denial, and people who speak in tongues are just a few of their fascinating case studies. Some of the stories are fine fodder for a GURPS Illuminati, Horror, or Psionic Powers game, but they're all good for pointing up that the greatest journey most of us can take is inside our own minds.

It's mind control . . . if you call what a bug has a "mind." As if the oversized flower beetle wasn't imposing enough in its own right, it now frightens the world with a cybernetic hookup from the University of California and DARPA. Sure, they can "only" manage to make it go left, right, start, and stop, but with the potential to carry cameras and heat sensors, it's already in danger of becoming a bad "bug" pun in intelligence circles. Read all about the declassified bits in MIT's Technology Review.

-- Suggested by Pascal Godbout

April 25, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Open The Pod-Bay Doors With Brute Strength

Assuming it's not another movie publicity stunt, it looks like the real Cyberdyne in Japan is going to mass produce a mechanical exoskeleton that multiplies the user's strength. This device, affectionately called Robot Suit HAL, should allow compensation for physical ailments; extreme mountain climbing; and bit-parts in upcoming comic-book films. The company (the "leading edge of cybernics"?) is prepared to charge the princely sum of $4,200 American for their modern marvel, according to secondhand reports in h+ Magazine.

-- Suggested by Clifford Anderson

April 17, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Please Allow Six To Eight Decades For Delivery

Someone's been leaving pyramids lying around all over the world like discarded lottery tickets. The planet's lousy with them, in fact, and Professor Robert Schoch thinks he knows who's at fault. Like a tribe of seafaring Johnny Appleseeds, a mysterious group of primordial masons has been all over the world depositing these monolithic wonders at each stop. If his books don't sate the appetite for knowledge, take one of the professor's courses at Boston University.

-- Andy

April 11, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Only People You Can Depend On Are You

Burt Goldman has discovered the means to self-discovery and personal improvement: He asks himself what he would do. No, not in the sense of introverted examination . . . he actually goes to one of the universes next door and talks to his alternate-world selves. That's how he learned to sing and paint, among other things. One can only wonder what his alternate selves came here to learn from him. He's offering a few lessons on Quantum Jumping for free. No word on when WWBGD? T-shirts will be made available; presumably he's the only one who would buy them.

If no one buys into his story, no worries. Burt still has that American Monk gig to fall back on.

-- Suggested by Anders Starmark

April 3, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: A Little Help?

Warehouse 23 is endless, or so rumor has it. So what is The SCP Foundation? The same thing? Another branch? A competitor? A clever disinformation campaign? Some or all of the above?

You could . . . ring the doorbell and ask.

What could go wrong?

-- Suggested by Michael Hahn

March 20, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Unreal Deal

Reverend Bob Larson, who appeared in the four-episode TV series The Real Exorcist, doesn't have to come to you to help you with your personal case of demonic possession - he can send you his material on DVD.

Hold on . . . almost three days worth of viewing? Forget it, just take the 21-question Do You Have A Demon? quiz at his site.

-- Suggested by Doug Haxton

March 13, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Who You Gonna Call?

If your house is infested with demons, the Paranormal Clergy Institute, an offshoot of the Catholic Church, warns you not to take them on yourself . . . that is, unless you've taken their courses. They're all free, unless you want to buy Bishop Long's book. The team can't stress the perils enough, even on their radio show where they promise "fun times and great entertainment!" Kind of makes you feel sorry for the demons.

-- Suggested by Rob Lusteck

February 27, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Podcast People

What started as a series of articles looks to have become a podcast about conspiracies and skepticism. Karl Mamer, The Conspiracy Skeptic, invites folks from his growing list of skeptics to expound on what the blazes is going on. The first mystery: Why are the shows and articles listed oldest to newest? The roots go deeper than anyone suspected.

-- Suggested by Anders Starmark

February 20, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: When Is The County Going To Install Those Potholes?

Zack Anderson and his team at MIT have created a shock absorber that not only cushions a car ride, it derives power from any bumps and jolts along the way. This isn't as practical as, say, his Warcart or the automated party machine, but it did get a disproportionate amount of press from Tech Fragments.

-- Suggested by David Cunnius

February 8, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: You Thought Magnetic Tape Was Slow

Michael Wright, a former curator at the Science Museum in London and now at Imperial College, has built a replica of the Antikythera mechanism. (Remember it? We mentioned it in the January 5th, 2007 Site of the Week about two years ago. Do not be alarmed.) And he cranked it up and turned it on. And it works. No word yet on when we can expect it to achieve sentience and subvert mankind. But it's coming. Wired has the story.
-- Suggested by legere

January 30, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: What's Taking So Long?

It's Real Snail Mail. No, not a quaint modern quip or a wry observation about obsolete societal infrastructure. It's mail, delivered by snails, the semi-squishy critters in your garden. Boredom Research has found a way to harness the underwhelming power of the snail and use it to forward your missives, employing more technology than should really be dedicated to an aquarium full of gastropods. Yet . . . the mail gets through!

January 24, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: When You Glow, You Can Always Find Your Way

The seas north of Russia are cold, inhospitable, and isolated. Night reigns 100 days out of every year, but before the invention of GPS, someone had to show ships the way lest they crash upon the jagged rocks. So who ran the lighthouses? No one. The Russians installed a few nuclear generators and left them running. They've stopped now . . . stopped performing as lighthouses, anyway. They still pump out plenty of wattage for anyone who cares to loot, get irradiated, and mutate the local wildlife.

-- Suggested by Stefan Jones

December 5, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Toy Safety

The cutting edge of security is now made of Lego. They say you can keep all your valuables protected inside this safe because it has billions of combinations and an alarm-equipped motion sensor.

But the first thing anyone's going to steal is the safe. -- Suggested by Rick Thomas

November 23, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Cuttin' And Scratchin' Are Aspects Of Their Game

Ever played one of those games where you try to out-Google each other, coming up with a word combination that appears most often in a search engine? Now you've got musical and video accompaniment as DJ Battle adds imagery to an animated DJ-bot based on your choices.

-- Suggested by Gavin Coughlan

October 18, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Pole Positions

Nothing good explodes out from under the polar ice caps, and make no mistake, when the members of the International Polar Year program go in search of knowledge, it will explode. Have they never read Don A. Stuart or H.P. Lovecraft? Ignore these initials at your peril. We were particularly taken with the notion that they're going to delve for dirt on the buried Gamburtsev mountain range, also called the "ghost peaks." The BBC has the story.
-- Ben Edmans

September 27, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: That'll Come In Handy

When you're lost on some isolated country road, your biggest concern shouldn't be the embarrassment of asking for directions - it should be whether you'll run afoul of a cult looking for new members. To mount an effective resistance, bookmark Apologetics Index, your one-stop shop for fighting mind control. Since they'll probably take away your Internet access, you'll want to order a book or two. The cult won't be expecting you to go analog.

-- Andy

September 8, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: It's The Size Of The Fight In The Dog

Boston Dynamics would like you to know how far they've come with the BigDog. This quadraped robot traverses difficult terrain and makes a sound like a cross between a leaf blower and a cricket doing Tibetan chants. It won't be sneaking up on enemies any time soon, but it can carry packs uphill - and it keeps going even when some cruel scientist kicks it like it had rabies. Check out the video to see it walk through rocks, skid on ice, and dance.

-- Suggested by Freya

September 5, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Actual Falsehoods

It's been observed that if you go to Wikipedia for your "facts," you're relying on the argumentative members of the general public to get things right. The beauty of The Arcana Wiki is that you're getting information about stuff that's already not real. The site is building up a storehouse of fantastic, unknown, or just plain entertaining information about people, places, and things. Some of these are imaginary, but there's real stuff, too - it just gets steeped in legend or boiled down to the most amusing bits. Use it for everything from writing fiction to developing your RPG campaign, and hey, you can even help write more of it. Just try to get your facts straight, okay? Otherwise people have to use Arcana's links back to Wikipedia and the irony might kill someone.
-- Jürgen Hubert

August 29, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Kind Of Redundant, Isn't It?

Unexplained Mysteries are the best kind. This site offers snippets of all that is enigmatic in the world, and lets visitors talk about it at the forums. Einstein's theories, ape "planning," and lawsuits between the Knights Templar and the pope . . . okay, so maybe some of this can be explained, but it should be an entertaining story regardless. -- Andy

August 15, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Map Is The Make-Believe Territory

Fantasy Cartography. No, the maps aren't imaginary, they just depict imaginary places like Tolkien's Middle-earth (with hexes, no less); the path of Glen Cook's Black Company; and Grand Rapids, Michigan. Lost trying to visualize the landscape while reading a fantasy novel? Maybe they've got what you need. And if they don't, you can help them plug holes in their knowledge base.

-- Suggested by Kira

August 9, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Let The Sun Shine

Daniel G. Nocera, professor of energy and chemistry at MIT, may have found an efficient way to store all the solar energy that we gather before the sun goes down. He can tell you about "time-resolved spectroscopies (from femtoseconds to milliseconds)," or you could read the somewhat more accessible story in the MIT news.

-- Suggested by Ed Elder

August 1, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Really Popular Art

Maybe you don't know much about art, but you can find out what you like. In fact, you can find out what everyone likes, and what they don't. The Komar and Melamid Homepage lists the results of its intensive look at what makes people tick when viewing art, with information fed to them from around the globe. Want to know how your tastes stack up against Turkey? Is there really some sort of commonality about what's good?

-- Ed Elder

July 25, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Dig This

Wiltshire is ready to give up its secrets. Long have people wondered about its mysterious site: Who built it? What is its purpose? What power lies beneath the unsuspecting populace's feet?

Huh? Stonehenge? No, not that pile of rocks. The secret underground city built by the Ministry of Defence for the benefit of government officials. An entire city with miles of roads awaits.

You know, on second thought, you could just get a job there. That'd be easier.

-- Suggested by John Evans

July 11, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Knock, Knock

We already showed you Entrances to Hell, a cautionary tale for those readers surrounded by the infernal in the UK, but if you're willing to travel further afield you'll find Darvaz has a door of its own. This passage in Russia leads straight to you-know-where, but it has something other portals don't: video.

-- Suggested by Eric Newsom

July 5, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Someone Had To Commission It

We may be building it, dreading it, or trying to prevent it, but Dezeen architecture and design magazine finds it cool and so should you. Whether anticipating the coming ecological disasters or trying to get above them, there's wonder and mystery to be had. And it won't hurt to make friends with one of the visionaries involved. Hey, that animal has another animal on its snout.

-- Suggested by Tori Bergquist

June 27, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: And A Side Order Of "Huh?"

If you seek the answers, find Truth & Revelations, but bring a pocket calculator. You may not have to show all work, but the answers seem to be focused on numbers. Unlike many sites that delve into the deep questions, this one is pretty clean and skimps on the graphics. Very much like those sites, it skimps on grammar and spelling. But hey, non-profits have to cut costs somewhere, and subtracting those language arts lessons probably adds up to savings.

-- Suggested by gido

June 20, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Who's Gonna Clean Up This Mess?

The least an alien can do if he's going to kidnap hapless humans for bizarre experiments is have the decency to put them back where he found them once he's done with them. Should the abductors prove to be a bit absent-minded, a little reminder is in order. The Location Earth Dog Tags display graphical and mathematical information that remind one's host which planet he got these latest specimens from.

-- Suggested by Freya

June 13, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Mail Man Of God

The end-time is going to be inconvenient in so many ways, not least because the postal service is going to blow (unless your mail carrier practices, say, Shintoism). The Post-Rapture Post is a surefire way to see that anyone you love who, sadly, did not accept Christ as his personal Lord and Savior, knows how you feel once you've ascended into Heaven. These nice, atheistic folks see that your letter is delivered. It seems premature to have testimonials at the site, but these people seem pretty pleased with the service so far.

-- Suggested by Marcus Rowland

June 6, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: See A Penny, Pick It Up . . .

. . . the rest of the day, you'll have good luck. Or the first of the almost two trillion cents you'll need to fill the Empire State Building. Love them or hate them, pennies are everywhere (which seems to be why people love them or hate them), and The Megapenny Project tries to give a sense of scale to the little copper nuisances with a series of abstract exercises. Ostensibly a lesson for kids and math fans, it's another of those "What if" illustrations that may have less to do with science than it does with wish fulfillment. Go on - pretend you haven't wondered what all the pennies look like.

-- Suggested by Rev. Pee Kitty

May 30, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Captain Goes Down With His Real Estate

Freedom Ship - the City at Sea is like something out of a movie. It promises a chance to live life on a floating town (kind of like Waterworld), with all the amenities in a self-contained community (kind of like Shivers), headed to exotic ports of call (like Titanic). Come to think of it, most of the films it calls up . . . well, it sounds like a cool idea anyway. Just the sort of innovation you want from a man running for president in his spare time.

-- Suggested by Alex Ackerly

May 27, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Yes, And You Just Keep Going On About It

The Perpetual Motion Generator is not to be toyed with, just built in your garage. Treat the technology with kid gloves - the author has generously decided to reconstruct his device, having destroyed the original when he considered the effect on the economy of the Middle East. Watch for salty language and pockets of free energy.

-- Suggested by Tiago Hackbarth

May 17, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: He Was Never Here, He Did Not Sign Your Book

There has to be a go-to guy for the worldwide conspiracy, someone the regular Joes can talk to without all that initiation and chanting, right? It's probably Trevor Paglen, though that's all you're gettin' out of him or us. He spends a lot of time dissecting renditions, secret operations, and the symbology so favored by special forces. Don't blame us if you disappear for the sake of a potential best-seller.

-- Suggested by DryaUnda

May 9, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Early To Bed, Early To Die

It's not enough the world has things keeping you awake at night and a plethora of items to plague your dreams, now they're getting you in that space between waking and sleeping. The Sleep Invaders are, according to this site, malevolent entities that want . . . uh, well the site isn't really clear on what they want. That must be why they offer you the book; it has all the answers. Could be another fly-by-night operation, assigning all the woes of life to otherworldly critters, but that's one spooky - and surprisingly well-produced - video.

-- Suggested by Kim Bernard

May 4, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Because No One Knows What A Foon Is

A spork, if you've ever been to a greasy fast-food joint for lunch, is a combination fork and spoon. Not just useful for eating fried meals, the revolutionary Battlespork helps with dental hygiene. It stops diseases in their tracks. It's a utensil and a razor and . . . okay, that's enough now.

-- Suggested by Tony Hitchens

April 25, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Never Infringe On Someone Who Has Nukes

It is not recommended you attempt to recreate any part of the country's nuclear arsenal. Why? Because you'll bring down the full wrath of the patent office. Alex Wellerstein points out that the United States tried for a lot of Atomic Patents while working on the Manahattan Project. Bad enough to be tagged for stealing state secrets, but pirating the technology is just uncalled for. Remember, those before you have already built these things.

-- Suggested by Ed Elder

April 18, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Old Books Best To Read, Old Wine Best To Drink

The Secret Masters really have it in for you. Mind-altering drugs have undisciplined effects, torture is inefficient, and the orbital mind-control lasers sport a power bill that will make your head swim. (Ahem.) The solution? Nostalgia by the bucket. Retro Thing is one of those sites that grabs hold of you, fires your imagination, and refuses to let you go. Days later, you realize you forgot about the wedding and have in all likelihood been unemployed for over a week. Board games, computer consoles, books, movies, comics, fashions . . . they're not old, they're retro.

Ooo, Micronauts. -- Suggested by Michael Kerney

April 12, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Data, Data, Data, I Cannot Make Bricks Without Clay

A lot of these sites tell you they'll help you see past society's hooey, but at Cutting Through the Matrix with Alan Watt, they take their time. He lists his three book titles, and that's about all the direct information you get until you work your way past the ads. After that, you can download audio recordings of his appearances and slowly build up a picture of where he's coming from. It's hard to say whether he's working with or against the Masons, but he draws the line at Reptile People. Let's not get nutty.

-- Suggested by j.

April 4, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: They Laughed At You At The University

And in grade school. And at the church picnic. And when you broke into the Museum of Natural History to attack the Early Man exhibit. If you're not careful, they're going to continue delighting themselves thusly at your predicament right up until you fail the HPLHS SaniTest; then it's straight into the hatch with you. See how you stack up against other crazy people . . . which, according to the site, is something of a redundancy.

-- Suggested by Janx

March 28, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Okay, You Can Start Doomsday Now

The Svalbard Global Seed Vault is up and running. It's everyone's answer to the potentially disastrous loss of food sources throughout the world (though Norway is picking up the tab). All anyone has to do is put a healthy sampling of seeds for major crops therein and they'll be safe in case some plague withers eveything on the vine (until the Nazis hiding out in the Arctic catch wind of this, anyway). Hurry, this space is going fast. It's expected to be filled within the next three generations, so reserve your space now. Sadly, this bank probably still closes after four o'clock.

-- Suggested by Walter Schirmacher

March 21, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Aw, You Can Use Facts To Prove Anything

Years of movies and conspiracy theories have taught us the obvious, that if you want to protect your brainwaves you need a tinfoil beanie. But On the Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study would have us believe folks at MIT have done experiments proving this isn't the case. Hmm . . . then again, they have a lot of "equipment" and use "science," so maybe we'd better hear what they have to say.

-- Suggested by Digo Rodriguez

March 15, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Who's Going To Clean Up All This Science?

They call it the Implosion Group on Dan Winter's Fractal Science, but it's more like an explosion - there's stuff all over the site, literally. It looks like a digital monkey has been flinging virtual data poo at your screen. If you're made of stern stuff, though, you can find how to measure empathy and radiate immortality. Light, the site suggests, comes to know itself when folded backward, like some sort of time-traveling cocktail party, so you know Mr. Winter must be great fun at a college kegger.

-- Suggested by syberghost

March 7, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: With Tiny Little "Ka-Chunk Ka-Chunk" Noises

Here's your obligatory link to the dependable GURPS Steampunk. You're going to want that after touring Crabfu SteamWorks, a collection of devices that never were but really ought to be. (When's science gonna get on that, by the way?) See pictures, get dimensions, find out how they were built, and view movies with them in operation. For a site about toys, this is pretty serious business.

-- Suggested by Freya

March 1, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Fruit Flies Like A Banana

The mind of the artist is an unfathomable animal, but it's not hard to see why someone would want to establish a geostationary banana over Texas. Come on, it would be a banana, after all, flying in the sky over Texas. Not in space, mind you . . . show an ounce of reason. But a high-tech blimp on automatic? Kennedy would have been proud.

Of course, it could just be a magnificent hoax, but let us hope with all our hearts that it is not.

-- Suggested by Jon Glenn

February 23, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Graduates, You Are At A Crossroads

A moral crossroads, where you must decide: Can you get away with lying about your higher education? Heck, if all those celebrities can get an "honorary degree," why shouldn't you be able to lay it on a little thick about your salad days at Impressive Pillars University? The International Association of Fake Universities will back you up on your story, generating a fake diploma to polish up that resume.

-- Suggested by Susan Rati Lane

February 16, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: WWJA?

Who's going to warn you of incoming attacks? Who can you count on to keep the peace? Who has your best interests at heart? No, not Dick Cheney. Even better, it's Threat Alert Jesus. Like a weather radio for the War on Terror, he's linked into the Department of Homeland Security and he'll tell you when the threat level has been updated. His halo even changes to fit the current color.

-- Suggested by Erik Wilson and John Walchak

February 9, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Flying Spaghetti Monster Is Within You!

Or he will be, if you follow these great instructions for creating edible googly-eyes and going on from there to Flying Spaghetti Monster Cookies. Great for the next meeting of your Discordian cabal, church group, or school board.

-- Suggested by Marcus L. Rowland

February 1, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: An Infinite Number Of Humans

"Oh. Well, then stop." So sayeth the Goddess in Her wisdom, but why do we do the things we do to each other? David Wong thinks he knows, and he shares his thoughts at the rather adult but nevertheless hysterical Inside the Monkeysphere. There's something truly profound in his essay, which raises the question: Why is he working in anonymity on the Internet? He must not travel in our circles. Humph.

-- Suggested by Chuck McGriff

January 26, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: When Leet-Speak Makes Too Much Sense

The ET Corn Gods Game is based on the claim of a meeting between an alien and an engineer. The visitor told of hidden messages throughout the English language, and the Code involves alphanumeric values, the periodic table, and the Bible (so anyone wanting to play has some serious homework ahead of him). The results are as entertaining as they are baffling. Those into word games will love it; those who just want to speak the English language without dissecting it will be tearing their hair out. Are they serious? Hard to tell, but it's an epic expenditure of spare time either way.

-- Suggested by Dan Rice

January 19, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: 16,000 Joules On The Barbie

The behavior of engineers in Australia is nothing short of shocking. Tesla Down Under shows off a lot of experiments with liquid oxygen and lasers and what have you, but most of the site is given over to electricity. Some of the displays are tongue-in-cheek (like the anti-theft car device), but much of this stuff rises to the level of art . . . art that uses enough juice to send Marty McFly through time. See the stunning photos, watch the breath-taking video, and give thanks you don't live on this fellow's street.

-- Suggested by John

January 11, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Don't Believe Everything You Write

If you didn't know, the world is going to end in 2012 (according to the Mayan calendar, anyway), so plan your vacation accordingly. If you were aware of this but just wanted more information about humanity's big finish, you couldn't ask for a more comprehensive page than Beyond 2012. Don't get too excited, though, because the page's owner examines these reports looking for evidence of a hoax.

Wait . . . debunking? Can he do that?

-- Suggested by David Cunnius

January 8, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Make A Joyful ---*

Those New Zealanders really know how to pamper a mutt. The Auckland SPCA is offering a CD for your canine pal, a series of songs at such a high pitch only he can hear it. Enjoy the accompanying video . . . the visual part of it anyway, unless you eat breakfast out of a bowl on the floor. Those funny looks Fido is giving you are just bemused delight, not something else encoded on the disc. Go about your two-legged business.

-- Suggested by Lisa J. Steele

January 4, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Let There Be Light Speed

You may be done with the Bible Code, but it's not done with you. Revelation13.net offers pages (and pages and pages . . . ) of material about the secrets the Good Book conceals, from sacred prophecy to Scott Peterson, from Ebola to cold fusion. The author isn't shy about his Amazon.com sponsors, and offers unexpected gems of insight like:

"If there is a third bright comet in year 2007-2010, I would not be surprised if it is red in color."

It's like having hundreds of books in one.

-- Andy

December 29, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: A Very Dagon Christmas

It's just as well that Yule is over; even as a last-minute gift, the Innsmouth Look leaves a lot to be desired. That's not to say it isn't a source of Christmas spirit, though. It even has its own holiday video. But where most YouTube movies are dull or amateurish or both, It's Beginning to Look Alot Like Fishmen is neither (well, excepting the typo in the title).

-- Suggested by Erik Wilson

December 7, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: You Need A Tower Just To Store All The Theories

There's a lot yet to uncover in this fascinating world. The computer game Second Life is a mask for the Illuminati. Perennial favorite Dungeons & Dragons has been "upgraded" to a computer game to work its evil in a technological society. The number 23 is working several shifts for everyone from the Twin Towers to Oprah. And all that was just the beginning of the year. BluePrint of Babylon Exposed shows that if you have nothing better to do, you can find occult significance in just about any number (check out especially the "proof" that binary 666 is "really" 1111). This site will give the modern conspiracy theorist every excuse he needs to keep the tinfoil beanie on for years to come.

-- Suggested by Jeremy Zauder

November 30, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Ecretsay Odescay

Human history is written in encoded messages . . . at least, that's what our Captain Midnight secret decoder rings reveal to us. See how they did it in an age of analog (from 1917 on, anyway) at Cipher Machines & Cryptology, refreshingly free as it is of annoying substitution ciphers.

-- Suggested by Dirk Rijmenants

November 23, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Pi A La Mode

They say math and music are two sides of the same coin, and never was that more true than when YTMND puts pi to song. Turn down your speakers until you know just how firmly you want the classroom rhythm to grab you.

-- Suggested by Kuranes

November 16, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: So When Does The Patent Run Out?

You can stop trying to invent time travel. It's been done. Or it will have been done. But since it's here now, in the past, our present, they could probably erase anyone who tries to take credit for their undiscovered equipment. Chronos Technologies, Inc., established 2105, is on the cutting edge with time gates and what-have-you. Their finances can't all depend on taking advantage of the ponies, so don't forget to visit the gift shop.

-- Andy

November 10, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: What Are You Afraid Of?

What are the odds that you'll die in a car crash, a terrorist attack, a house invasion? Will your identity be stolen? Schneier.com has the musings, articles, and blog of security expert Bruce Schneier. He even shows a grudging admiration for some of the plots people come up with to fool, irritate, and rob the innocent. His message could be boiled down to "You're afraid of the wrong things.

-- Suggested by Richard Thomas

October 26, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Micro-Escalation

It's somehow poetic to see a cross-pollination of ideas when you're constructing mechanical insects. If you remember Berkeley's robofly, you'll be pleased to know their colleagues - like Professor Robert Wood - at Harvard have managed to develop their own fabrication process to solve some of the trickier problems involved. MIT's Technology Review has the story. Look for the results during a private meeting near you.

-- Suggested by Loren Wiseman

October 19, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: I Can Haz Internet Hitz?

If you're one of those sorts who, confronted with the darling kitty memes of Lolcats, thinks cat fanciers need to get a life, Lolthulhu is the outlet for your geek superiority complex. Risk your sanity and you may find some amusement in their growing library of photoshopped freak exhibits. Some of the stuff is funny, and some brushes close to adult material, so get permission from your Mythos investigator before entering that address.

-- From multiple suggestions

October 12, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: . . . Lest We Look Like Tookish Fools

Dungeons & Dragons and The Lord of the Rings: They just go together. Actually, when you look at Shamus Young's Twenty Sided, you realize nothing could be further from the truth. It's been too long, and the bloodlines have become corrupted.

-- Suggested by Niels Ull HarremoÄs

October 5, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Mad Science Is In The Genes

Want kids to join you in your love of all things geek? Get the tykes started with their own magnetic gauss gun. Still have time left in your Saturday afternoon? The mother site, Science Toys, offers them the chance to build solar-powered hotdog grills and stuff. The site isn't all weapons and military domination (just the good parts). Wait . . . a magnetic ring launcher? That's even better than the rocket. Well, almost.

-- Suggested by John Guin

September 28, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: No Blood For Evian

Drag yourself into the 21st century. According to the Water-Powered Car website, all our internal combustion technology is based on outmoded ideas from the time of Faraday. You've heard about vehicles that run on steam or H20, but the waters run deeper than that. We'd tell you about the 9/11 plot, the oil companies, and the Department of Energy, but you can probably work most of that out for yourself.

-- Andy

September 22, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Coin Of The Realm

Nothing kills a vacation to the South Pole faster than hitting a snag with the exchange rate at the bank or customs office. No longer need visitors fear this, as Antarctica now has its own currency. Dream Dollars shows off the new coin for the way-down-under wayfarer. There's also some information about lucid dreaming, presumably in case you end up freezing and hallucinating in a snow bank. But at least you'll never short-change the penguins again.

-- Suggested by Matt

September 17, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Flivvers To Set Your Heart Aflutter

If there were such a thing, the wondrous world of Steampunk would be well represented by Brass Goggles, a combination blog and resource for all things steam-tech. It could almost be said it's too much steampunk.

If there were such a thing.

-- Suggested by Conrad Noche

September 7, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: A Little Learning Is A Dangerous Thing

People scoff when someone cites Wikipedia as a resource; who wants to trust important matters to a freely editable document that depends on average people to nail down the truth? But in the fight against the Lovecraft Mythos, any intelligence is useful. Hie thee to the Uncyclopedia article on Great Cthulhu. When are the end times? What can be done? Can the evil be stopped? What does the Great Old One like to drink? Hint: It ain't seawater.

-- Suggested by CthulhuBob Lovely

August 31, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: As Below, Not Above

If you like sites dedicated to weird things like aliens and the supernatural, half your ship has come in. Obiwan's UFO-Free Paranormal Page wants you to share your bizarre stories of visits from beyond the grave, snapshots, and nothing in the way of UFOlogy (they admit spacecraft could be responsible for some sightings, they just don't want to talk about it). Beware the links that take you back to where you started; it's all just a ghostly glamor.

-- Andy

August 25, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: The All-You-Can-Banish Buffet

You thought they were secret masters, but it turns out the Illuminati are just tasty snacks. At Supernatural Spirit, Psi-Lord Tim Rifat offers to eliminate (and "shred"!) any and all kinds of weird beings, from aliens to cryptozoids. His prices are reasonable (current special: spend $600 and Soul Rescue is free) - but if he consumes the psi energy of the things he kills, should he be charging you at all? After all, you just bought him lunch.

-- Suggested by lilith

August 18, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Science Ain't Pretty

The Leading Edge International Research Group is so far out ahead it's hard to see where they're coming from . . . er, so to speak. Some of their content is pumped in from other websites, some of it is original, and all of it is baffling. A haphazard clearinghouse for everything from air traffic to orbital traffic, from an analytical chronology of fluoridation to the astrology of history, you can find just about anything. Must mean truth is in there somewhere, too, right?

-- Suggested by observer

August 11, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: When Slide Rules Ruled The Earth

History is worth preserving, as are the tools that took us there. So says the Oughtred Society, dedicated to the celebration of calculating devices (though it all looks like slide rules from here). Meet with others who share that sense of nostalgia, find manuals like "the long awaited K&E Salisbury Products Division Slide Rules," and get answers to burning questions. Sorry, kids, the one question they don't answer is "What's a slide rule?"

-- Suggested by Bob Portnell

August 3, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: It Comes With Superstrings Attached

Once you've got the Unified Field, what do you do with it? Give total consciousness to your students, of course. Maharishi Central University promises a new age of enlightened peace and understanding on their campus, to be built at the exact center of the United States. Sound too good to be true? Well, if it was a scam, there'd be contact info for someone other than the professors . . . right?

-- Suggested by William J. Keith

July 20, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Kids, Don't Try This At Home

If you're tired of getting sand kicked in your face, give yourself over to Berzerker - Viking Fighting Arts. Learn to spear, spike, hit, scream, and slam like the Norsemen. Can't make the seminars? Buy the DVDs. Can't afford the DVDs? May we shamelessly suggest GURPS Vikings? We're "crazy" about them, too.

-- Suggested by TheOneTrueSpongeOfDoom

July 15, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Numbers Go Round And Round

Is it really illuminated, or just really pretty? Visit NumberSpiral.com to see the numbers rolled up into bigger and bigger patterns. The text becomes more impenetrable with every page, but the accompanying illustrations look like they might . . . mean . . . something . . .

-- Suggested by lilith

July 6, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Snakes . . . Why'd It Have To Be Snakes?

Aliens and UFO Art is an odd thing to call your site when your contention seems to be that the artwork actually serves to reveal a sinister alien side to your subjects. People in the highest echelons of power hide their true origins, and some websites one views at one's peril. Some are still infested with snakes, helping to keep the influence brokers on the top of the food chain. Even worse, it looks like Gurdjieff was right about Santa.

Huh?

-- Suggested by syberghost

June 29, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: There's No Such Thing As Bad Publicity

Why else would there be over a dozen stories a week at Signs of Witness about the end of the world? They have a couple of years of this stuff, and the site was updated as this was being posted. Rapid-fire disasters litter the newsfeed: Deserts swell, deities give up, those stingray attacks are no fluke, and if you get the date wrong for the endtimes it's an offense that'll get you arrested. At least you won't languish in jail for long . . .

-- Suggested by The Church of the SubGenius

June 22, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: It Must Be Something In The Air

Not to be confused with BBC Radio, BBS Radio is an on-line radio webcast; in fact, it's a few of them. They offer five channels, some of which are music and some of which are . . . not. Missing Art Bell? Coast to Coast AM not long enough for you? The same subjects get the business on the BBS, and they're on most of the day on the West Coast (adjust for your time zone as necessary). Herbal therapy, mind expansion, and Voice of the Ashtar Command. There are a lot of frustrating dead-ends on the site, but that's where new consciousness comes in.

-- Suggested by Gerard

June 15, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Spirit Of Scientific Inquiry

Sparing you the Ghostbusters quips . . . If you have a problem at home or work with spooks and ghosts, Orion Paranormal is ready to step in and help. They employ everyone from poets and organic chemists to professional tarot readers, just to cover all the bases. Their assistance is free, and not limited to shades if you have something more interesting to offer (say, demons). And if you'd like to BE a professional paranormal investigator, they're recruiting!

-- Suggested by Mike Krozy

June 2, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: And The Lord Synthesized Saying . . .

Today's lesson comes from the book of Turing 1:19-32. Artificial Intelligence from the Bible! The title really says it all (they brought their own exclamation point), but to whet your appetite: The seven churches set forth in Revelation correspond to sections of the brain. The Good Book is a blueprint for creating a self-aware neural construct . . . but is God trying to program himself out of a job?

-- Suggested by lilith

May 25, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Pole Position

The Zetas are coming, or maybe they're already here. Hard to tell when they send a representative named Nancy to deal with humanity and all we can find out is that there was supposed to be a twelfth planet ripping away our crusts back in 2003. You can find - or perhaps just hunt for - the details you want at ZetaTalk. Make sure your Third Density is up to snuff if you want to claim a place after everything goes to pot.

-- Suggested by David Smallwood

Drat the timing! SurveyMonkey, the host of our Munchkin Questpoll, will be down between Friday, May 25th at 6:00 PM (PST) until Saturday, May 26th at noon (PST), for an upgrade. If the poll is out of service when you try it, please try again Saturday afternoon. Thanks!-- Paul Chapman

May 18, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Power Of Rumor

Did Swamp Thing rip off Man-Thing or was it the other way around? Did someone's letter of resignation really end up in a comic panel? Or perhaps you're thinking of the joyful little note someone snuck in when his disliked editor left his job. The Comic Book Urban Legends Revealed history keeps track of these and many more rumors from the funny-book mills. The most amazing part seems to be how many of these things turn out to be true.

-- Suggested by CthulhuBob Lovely

May 11, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Pick A Period And Stick With It

The Museum of Jurassic Technology may be somewhat inaptly named. If you're looking for a source on the big lizards, you may be disappointed. They take their time getting around to telling you what it is they do offer, which includes information on the dogs Russia sent into space and collections from L.A. mobile home parks. They mention more than they show, so some of it is obviously intended to lure you into the brick and mortar building itself. And who wouldn't be enticed by cryptic mentions of Noah's Ark?

-- Suggested by Brad Finch

May 4, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: You're Not Thinking Fourth-Dimensionally

The DeLorean Motor Company has take a lot of kidding over the years, and there's nothing better than a site that can laugh at itself. In fact, there are in-jokes within the in-jokes if you're in the market for vehicular upgrades. The search engine can help you find a flux capacitor, a Mr. Fusion home energy reactor, and the versatile hover conversion.

-- Suggested by Kim Schmidt

April 27, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: They Don't Make 'Em Like They Used To

What makes the deathbed confessions of highwayman James Allen so fascinating? It's not that it's a compelling read, it's that the book is bound in human skin . . . that of the author. The only thing more interesting would be to learn to whom the Boston Athenæum has lent the volume.

-- Suggested by Scott Slemmons

April 21, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Paper Or Plastic?

The titanic battle continues at Left-or-Right. No, not that titanic battle . . . you can catch that every night on CNN and Fox News. We're talking about the important issues of the day. Make your voice heard: Coffee or tea? George or Kramer? Condoleeza or rice? You will decide.

-- Suggested by Mike D

April 13, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: You Forgot To Carry The Tudors

Ever had trouble with math? Tried to add or subtract, or maybe do taxes, but came up with a surprising and probably incorrect result? The Antichrist Revealed adds the House of Windsor and the House of Stuart together and gets Prince William as the Antichrist. How this is possible is the subject of their extensive website. Oh, there's some stuff about Freemasonry and the Lost Tribes of Israel in there, too (or so they claim - it would be hard to imagine these several dozen pages were all about the inbreeding of European royalty), but we know it's all related in the end, right?

-- Suggested by lilith

April 6, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Ever Meet An Alien That Wasn't Shifty?

Alienshift takes you deep inside the illuminated mind, but it doesn't stop there. When you pop out the other end you'll find Majestic-12 and the shadow government that created it; John Titor's travels through time; and Hopi prophecy springing eternal. It's a dizzying array with a large block of links, but at least it spares us the usual broad wash of random text and graphics

-- Suggested by Ed Elder

March 30, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Assaulted Batteries

Want something for nothing? Sure, we all do. How about energy? Yes, we're going down that road again. The IPCtec research labs have the answer, or at least they're a clearing house for the bits they have worked out. It's hard to tell because the English version of their page doesn't always work (you might want to bring along a translation tool). See pictures, find formulae, follow threads, and watch videos of electrified Pepsi cans powering antigravity. Or something.

-- Suggested by Iggy

March 23, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Saturn Is In The Hizzouse

The University of Iowa's Radio and Plasma Wave Audio Group has collected some of the solar system's greatest hits. Hear lightning in the heart of Saturn, or listen to collisions with the solar winds. Just be sure to turn your volume down at Space Audio. It's cool, but the music of creation is . . . well, it's kind of annoying.

-- Suggested by liddell

March 16, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Reading Is Fairly Mental

You won't find these tomes in your local library (unless it glows an eerie green). Instead, esoterica like this is conveniently collected at The Hermetic Library where its depths can be plumbed safely. Study it, employ it, even summon it if you like.

-- Suggested by Woods Stricklin

March 9, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Film At Eleven, If The Barbed Wire Holds

Just what would a zombie outbreak be like? It might be a whole lot like what you see at the Zombie World News. No, it's not news for the flesh-eaters, it's a series of articles from the front lines in the war against them. The site attempts to provide as realistic an accounting as possible of the descent of man during the rise of the dead. That means some cool, clever, but unpleasant content.

-- Suggested by Justin Darr

March 2, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: You Say You Want A Digital Revolution

It's small wonder Bill Gates is retiring. He knew it was only a question of time before his creations rose up against him. The Icon War has begun . . .

-- Suggested by Christopher J. Burke

February 23, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Like Father, Like Son

We've already been told God and the Devil are one and the same by The Bible is a Hoax. Now similar charges are being laid against His kids. It's almost like an Internet giveaway - the material at Jesus is Lucifer, He is the Antilogos, the Beast, 666 should be recognizable by predestined readers. Not only are you informed, you may already have won greatness. That's the short version of this web page's name, by the way . . . these folks fit more into their title bar than most ranters put on their whole site. And yeah, if it sweetens the pot any, UFOs and Masons and such make a guest appearance.

-- Suggested by liddell

February 16, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Tying Up Loose Lines

What's that? We haven't featured Nazca Lines? Well, we have now, smart guy. And just in time, too . . . looks like your reptoid friends are coming in for a landing.

-- Andy

February 9, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Doing A Lively Business

Want a corpse? Unless you know a guy who knows a guy, that's probably not a transaction you can effect. The next best thing is the cinematic equivalent: a fake corpse built by the handy helpers at Corpses for Sale. If you've got the gumption, Di Stefano Productions will even help you build your own special-effects body.

Of course . . . if the corpses look so real . . . how can you tell they're just . . . ? Forget it. We don't want to know.

-- Suggested by Pablo Jaime Conill Querol

February 2, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: (Argh!)

. . . Never mind. We created a pointer to a site with rude-but-funny content, and by the time it posted, the content had been changed to something considerably ruder and not nearly as funny. These things happen on the web; this one just happened to happen on posting day. To those who subscribe to the Illuminator via e-mail: if you thought that particular IllSotW wasn't up to our usual standards, we agree with you.

Nothing to see here . . . move along . . .

January 26, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Red State, Blue State, Solid State

January 19, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Mote In Man's Eye

You thought it was irritating when someone asked you to help them find their lost contact lenses, but Berkeley is taking things to a whole new cosmic level. Stardust@Home would like you to help them find micron-sized bits of space dust. You'll long for the days friends just begged for a ride to the airport.

-- Suggested by SilverFox

January 13, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: "I've Got A Secondhand Apron"

If you want to know what the Secret Masters are up to, you'll have to find a member willing to initiate you into their mysterious ways, who will guide you and nurture your talent for the enigmatic. Or you could get dispatches from the Masonic District of Prince Edward. Is it accidental their lodges offer only blank pages? You can ask at the next meeting.

-- Suggested by Hogan

January 5, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: . . . And The Sea Give Up Its Tomography Test Results

Even in ancient Rome one had to beware geeks bearing gifts. Work on the Antikythera Mechanism Research Project proceeds more than 100 years after the discovery of this mechanical analog marvel in a Roman shipwreck. Where was it going? Who built it? Right now scientists would settle for figuring out how it worked or what it was for, two questions that may have been answered. BBC News has the story.

-- From multiple suggestions

December 29, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Blocks Of Knowledge

LEGO is always good for a clever site, and Andrew Lipson's LEGO Page is nothing if not clever. With everything from devices to impossible Escher-inspired sculptures to Dilbert statues, you'd think he was trying to build a brand new career. And new co-workers. And a new office. And . . .

-- Suggested by Paul May

December 22, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Now You Think You See It, Now You Think You Don't

Who knows how the brain works, or what sort of misfires are necessary for it to recognize things that aren't there? Optical Illusions & Visual Phenomena is willing to take a crack at deciphering some of these mysteries. They take a hands-on approach to what you have your eyes on. You may not have the chops to understand all the technical jargon, but playing with all the pretty colors is fun.

-- Suggested by W. Blake Smith

December 16, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Death In Small Doses

If you need radioactive substances at discount prices (and discount sizes), contact United Nuclear - Radioactive Isotopes. They sell small slivers of the stuff to the public. No, they're not looking for you to fill out a lot of paperwork - they're not that strict - but you need to be a citizen (gotta have some limits). Select your purchases by the sort of radiation you want to emit, or just put something futuristic-sounding into your E-cart. Though if they're going to sell the topical Polonium, they might want to spell it consistently . . .

-- Suggested by Martijn Vos

December 9, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: And The Best Part Is You Don't Have To Refold Them

If you find yourself somewhere that doesn't exist, do you still count as being lost? Strange Maps shows that the map is not the territory - in some cases it couldn't possibly be - but that the trip is still worth taking. Alternate layouts for the United States, the fictional towns of Stephen King, George Lucas' Tattooine, and the Texas that might have been . . . these are but the tip of a bizarrely documented iceberg. Some are historical, some fanciful, others just wishful thinking, but they'll all keep your attention in ways that geography class never did.

-- Suggested by Matt "Toads" Cira

December 2, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Lost World: Destination Denmark

The lines between fantasy and reality, history and legend, blur in Beowulf: Fiction or History? Was the epic hero a Biblical construction, or a poetic representation of a historical figure? Who cares . . . he hunts dinosaurs, and that's way cool.

-- Suggested by sej

November 24, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Something Wicked This Way Downloads

The site's size alone is enough to merit the name Monstrous.com, but it's a bit more literal than that. Monsters from every place and time creep, crawl, and shamble through its pages, and unlike previous entry American Monsters, they don't lock themselves into any one venue. The next time you wince at the price of a monster collection on your game shop's shelves, just surf in here and take what you like for free.

-- Suggested by Ben Voss

November 17, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Dee Plus

Class is in session, kids, and The Diary of Dr. John Dee is required reading. From his pen to Project Gutenberg to your desktop (with a few other helpful stops in between), the wisdom of this Renaissance scholar and occultist spans the centuries to find its own little piece of immortality on the Internet. For extra credit, pick a volume out of the catalog of Dee's own library of manuscripts and do a report.

-- Suggested by David Starner

November 10, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Maybe Alien Air Traffic Control?

A lot of theories have been put forth about the Newport Tower in Rhode Island, but maybe it's just a case of interested parties making a tower out of a molehill. Is there really anything new to be uncovered, or is it just the remains of a windmill? The Chronognostic Research Foundation is going digging.

-- Suggested by Christopher Thrash

November 3, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Making Your Mark On History

Vandalism, the folks at Sprite mods have decided, takes too long. Better to turn an inkjet into an electronic stamp to leave your tags. It even prints on beer or water . . . hence, a watermark?

-- Suggested by Nathaniel Eliot

October 28, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: My Afterlife In Pictures

Happy Hallowe'en, though it may be less happy with the pictures from Ghoststudy.com keeping you up nights. Some of these photos are obvious fakes, some ask you to stretch your imagination (and eyesight) past the breaking point, and some . . . well, every good ghost story requires a little bit of belief, right?

-- Andy

October 13, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Shotgun

October 6, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Prophet Senses Tingling

For a site called The Mind of James Donohue, there's certainly a heavy concentration on Aaron C. Donohue, psychic extraordinaire. But he (that is, Aaron) is so much more: a remote viewer, a healer, a prophet, a man with an odd way of spelling magician. The site also points out Aaron has found thousands of skulls. Huh.

While James discusses the history of the Great Lakes, Aaron ferrets out the truth behind Lucifer, the Russian plot to blow up the moon, and the most horrible events of 1783. It's one of those sites with links to the unexpectedly adult, so caution is advised.

-- Suggested by Anonymous

September 29, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Golden Apples At Internet Prices

It's been a while since we sent you on a quest looking for some twisted enlightenment, so here's Oh My Eris!!!!!! (dot com), a purveyor of books and philosophy aplenty on the subject. Insert here the usual warnings about adult language and the sorts of things you'll find when you turn a blind corner on the Web. Most of it is free, including the music.

Music? Oh, yeah. And again, insert here the usual warnings.

-- Suggested by Jen Payton

September 23, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: . . . And Touch The Face Of God

Think small. They're trying to improve upon jet-pack technology with model rocket engines at Skywalker Jets, and they're willing to let you partner with them. $100,000 gets you in the door, and another 100k . . . well, gets you almost as high as he's gotten. Let's hope his tech skills are better than his grammar and spelling.

-- Suggested by Myles Cook

September 17, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: What, No Yogi Bear Bones?

Early animators often had more than one bone to pick with their employers - long hours, bad pay, not enough recognition for their work. Michael Paulus pays homage to their rib-tickling results, and labors to uncover the inner workings of some of their more famous creations. To wit: humerus illustrations of cartoon character Skeletal Systems.

-- Suggested by Craig Roth

September 8, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Hunka-Hunka Burnin' Web

You're going to die.

Okay, you didn't want to think about that, but you'd like to put it off, right? Then before you visit - well, anywhere, really - visit the RSOE HAVARIA Emergency and Disaster Information Service. They'll guide you through the minefield that is our modern landscape by pointing out epidemics, hurricanes, meltdowns, forest fires, and anything else that might ruin that late-season vacation. The ominously flashing front-page map, slow-loading though it is, is enough reason to visit.

-- Suggested by Erik Wilson

September 1, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Happiness Is A Warm Phaser

If you're dangling from a cliff's edge on the planet Genesis, hang in there, baby. The Star Trek franchise has ever been a source of strength and encouragement for its fans, and now an hour's worth of TV has been compacted into two dimensions. Star Trek Inspirational Posters will keep you boldly going when the going gets tough.

-- Suggested by CthulhuBob Lovely

August 25, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Egad - 523 Did It

If you're looking for that beach-reading book as the summer wanes, here's a real page-turner. Tom Jennings reviews A Million Random Digits with 100,000 Normal Deviates, a book from the 50s that's all numbers. Page after page of nothing but digits, all meant to offer the cruncher in you a truly random selection. Is it possible? Sounds like. And the really weird thing is, he makes the whole thing sound fascinating. We won't spoil the ending for you, but it involves numbers.

-- Suggested by Tiago Hackbarth

August 19, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Art Really Nouveau

All right, so illustration isn't new, painting programs are old hat, and there are probably other ways to do this. But for convenience or just plain "Ooo . . . " factor, this is ultra-wifty. -- Suggested by Martin J. Barela

August 11, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: "I Have Made Better Lightning Than That"

If you have what it takes, you, too, can be a member of the Tesla Engine Builders Association, and what it takes would seem to be a keen intellect and the desire to figure out that last missing piece to his grand design. An ego and a madness equal to Nikola's is useful, but not necessary, and certainly not included in your membership package. And not to harp on it, but they claim they've got machines that can end greenhouse gas emissions, so that's nice.

-- Andy

August 4, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Answers Are On The Backs Of Your Eyelids

You may have heard the name come up: The Oregon Institute of Science and Medicine, or OISM, is a think-tank out of the Northwest, and they're determined to help you survive almost anything. If the Big Flash rolls around, they know how you can seal yourself up tight. If the ozone is being depleted, just put quote marks around the word "depletion." And the best defense against global warming? Apparently we're already doing it.

-- Suggested by William B. Smith

July 28, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right, But This Tesseract Might

If you'll recall (and why shouldn't you . . . you've had your consciousness raised, yes?), the International Trepanation Advocacy Group plumped for holes in the head, that we might better see the world around us. But what if we were the world around us? That is, what if the world around the world was we? To approach this another way . . . okay, imagine a road . . . never mind. Trepanning Village State may be hard to navigate, but the problems are all in your mind. A unique piece of real estate, and if you're lost in reverie by the river, the river may also be lost in you. On you. Just go.

-- Suggested by Kim Schmidt

July 21, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Heil, Eris? Heil, Yes

Got your life in order? Time for the pendulum to swing the other way. Your loving goddess misses you, and that's why she's offering the POEE | UK Resource Centre. The Principia Discordia is just the tip of the golden iceberg. Files, fun, and rampant consumerism are the (dis)order of the day. Note this site isn't intended for the easily offended, nor those with a closed mind, though it can help you with those if you're straddling the fence.

-- Suggested by Steve Kerinski

July 14, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: There's Nothing Safe About It

The documentation is all here. What was Kennedy's schedule on his last day in office? Read his diary. What's our government really think about terrorists? Discover the "Status of Jihad." Whatever happened to the remote viewing program? Its mysteries are laid bare in the Stargate program report . . . hey, who's breaking whose copyright here? The Black Vault is like a safety deposit box of dark knowledge, but on this heist, the contents take you.

-- Suggested by Chris Braddy

July 7, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Step One: Achieve Orbit

You thought they were kidding when they said you would need this information someday. You ignored your parents and your teachers, and where are you now? That's right. Sitting at the game table, playing Transhuman Space, and wishing you had a better grasp of physics. The JPL has shown you more pity than you deserve, priming you with the Basics of Space Flight. The layout of our solar system, navigating things, working out your trajectory - all the stuff you slept through in class. But pay attention, because there actually will be a quiz later.

-- Suggested by Bob Portnell

June 23, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: You Are (Buried) Here

You don't have to be a GURPS Egypt fan to see what a cool resource the Theban Mapping Project is. If you've ever wanted to see, in dramatic detail, the Cradle of Civilization and the origin of the cabal that controls your fnord to this day, look no further. No, we mean it. Look no further, if you know what's good for you.

-- Suggested by Sean Manning

June 16, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Here We Go Again

Yes, yes, we know, the Internet is lousy with buttons. Panic buttons, the button that does nothing, yadda-yadda-yadda, but this button . . . okay, you decide what it does. It should keep you occupied while we get some work done.

-- Suggested by Rick Thomas

June 10, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: A Shameless Plug For Prehistory

Ever wondered where all those old bones came from? Well, yeah, from dinosaurs; we meant after the lizards were done with them. Those museums and collections were the lifelong obsession of a handful of eccentric men, The Real Bone Warriors. Their story is an inspiration to us all, especially if we want to co-opt their body of work to make card games. Follow the links to their accompanying game (right after you've picked up a copy of Dino Hunt).

-- Suggested by Paul May

June 5, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: I Hate You, You Hate Me, We're A Global Family

Sure, at first blush it looks like someone's harping on the oil companies again, but fear not: Unity of Being, for all its title is worth, seems to dislike everybody pretty equally. We're all being deluded by this faction of the conspiracy or the other, after all. The "oppo-sames" are out to turn our republic back into a democracy, and we can't afford to be tools. Don't worry . . . once you've been exposed to the site's music files, pop-up ads, and creative spelling, you'll have bile enough of your own to share.

-- Suggested by Aria Invictus

May 19, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: It's Two, Two, Two Elemental Powers In One

The solution has been staring us in the face all the time. The Lightning Path To Ascension holds that, rather than contest the relative benefits of good vs. evil, we should squish the effects of the two into one power. Perhaps that's an indelicate way of putting it (the author states, somewhat more succinctly, "someone has finally been zapped by Light and Dark Forces"), but the upshot is you will become the One God. Apparently it's first come, first served.

-- Suggested by Andyzon1

May 12, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Red, White, And Ewww

If you think we're a country of excesses, you may be right. Our cars are bigger, our budgets are bigger, our feet are bigger. Er, that is, we have Bigfoot. And the Mothman, and aliens, and . . . well, the list goes on. Not ones for provincial thinking, American Monsters not only broadens its worldview to include cryptids of all kinds, it admits the original mission statement (as represented by the site name) was a bit limited. Critters of the sea, sky, and land (and the carrion they leave in their wake) are all summed up on a single site regardless of diet, religious followers, or country of origin.

-- Andy Vetromile

May 6, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Just What Do You Package It In?

Most furniture is in showrooms. This stuff? Well, it probably ought to be in "vague hints and suggestions" rooms, because you harbor the sneaking suspicion some of these fixtures might just as willingly sit on you. Never fear, your children may safely leave the house. The furnishings can be found locked away in the Uniquities Gallery.

-- Suggested by Hagbar

April 28, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Would You Care To Float Outside?

Why on (or off) Earth would they call it Extra-Vehicular Activity Research if they're already sitting on the prototype? Well, that's how it looks anyway. The team at MIT's Man Vehicle Laboratory is convinced they've got the next generation of spacesuit, and it does away with those bulky and unfashionable models that scream "1969." Form-fitting and oh-so-flattering, you'll solve the mysteries of the cosmos and look good doing it.

-- Suggested by Elizabeth McCoy

April 22, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Secretary Of The Interior Has Two Heads

You can use statistics to prove just about anything, but now you can point to an official website that categorically proves your point. Just pump the numbers you need into eSolutions Data and challenge your detractors to show you're wrong. For example, did you know that squirrels are transparent? It's true.

-- Suggested by Jason Arons

April 14, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Weighty Subjects

Einstein seems to have lowballed General Relativity, to the tune of 100 million trillion. The European Space Agency General Studies Programme has (super)conducted three years worth of experiments and believes it could be on its way to the quantum theory of gravity. What does that mean for science? All manner of new applications, not least space travel. What does it mean for us? Well, it's usually new novels and TV shows, but hope springs eternal.

-- Suggested by syberghost

April 9, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Go For The Cold

Enough of this petty bickering. We can raise bickering to a whole new level. Make your voice heard as we attempt to secure a bid with the Olympic Games Committee to bring the 2014 Winter Olympics to the ice planet Hoth. The power to destroy a planet is insignificant compared to the power to market one. (Actually, the end result is probably about the same.) They've already got the snow, the Imperial probes can broadcast all the action, and no terrorist would dare try to breach the shields.

-- Suggested by Avram R. Shannon

March 31, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Stream A Little Dream

It's a dream come true. All the relaxation offered you by a good night's sleep, now available just by sticking your head in between two different frequencies. At least, that's one layman's interpretation of a page title like SBaGen - Binaural Beat Brain Wave Experimenter's Lab. Here they let you customize your state of mind by mimicking different states of sleep. Crank up the notes, find your center, turn on, tune in, and drop a few hours trying to hash out all the tech-talk.

-- Suggested by Paul McCann

March 24, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Take My Legs, Take My Land . . .

Kermit and company have covered other great works - Treasure Island, A Christmas Carol - but aren't there other genres and media they could be covering? Until the big-budget version of "Pigs in Space" comes out, there's Seremuppety.

-- Suggested by Mike

March 17, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: On Your Jugular, That's Where

Where does Great Cthulhu stand on the issues? How can you contribute to his campaign? How can you add to his diet? And with strange eons, are we going to pare down that "death and taxes" thing? Educate yourself at Cthulhu For President.

-- Suggested by Bruce Morton

March 10, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Tesla Coils Can Be Found On Another Website

Movie camp meets Martha Stewart. If you want to live the fantasy, call Creative Home Engineering and have them put an old-fashioned secret passage in your home. Go classic with the "pull the right book on the bookshelf" bit, or the gothic route with twisting candle sconces, but in any case you can add decidedly modern touches like eye scanners. Oh, sure, you could end up on the cover of Architectural Digest . . . if the definition of "secret" is lost on you.

-- Suggested by Michael

March 3, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: I Don't Feel Any Different

The Difference Engine is finally finished. No, not the one at the Science Museum in London . . . that's old news . . . the LEGO Difference Engine. This one is made of the ubiquitous building blocks in some guy's house, and is accompanied by enough background, math, and explanation to make your eyes bleed.

-- Suggested by Jellyfish_Green and syberghost

February 24, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Dissect This

VJ Enterprises has a lot to say about Roswell. If you want enough information about the incident to bury the staunchest critic, go to their site. If you want more than that, click on a subheading. It's turtles all the way down.

-- Andy

February 10, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: WWJD Later This Afternoon?

Brother Anthony Grigor-Scott certainly seems up in arms about something. What, we're not sure, though it certainly involves the U.N., drugs, and overpopulation. Visit his Bible Believers' Newsletter, and marvel at his rant, simply and elegantly titled "Conspiracy."

-- Andy

February 3, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Art For The Rest Of Us

Brandon Bird has a talent for paint, and he puts it to good use creating modern myths. Or recreating old myths with a modern flair. Or perhaps it's all modern, and this is the very definition of "pop art."

-- Suggested by Richard Beeler

January 28, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Nice Knowing You

No man can know the exact hour and manner of his death . . . you're kind of limited to the manner. The Death Psychic will tell you just how you'll meet your maker based on your name and age. Small wonder songstress Anne Murray adds an E to her first name - better to be sawed in half in a magic show than done in by a serial killer. And with strange eons (and stranger coding), even Death, Jesus, and Jimmy Hoffa may die.

-- Suggested by Buzzardo

January 20, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Retro Rockets

If you think all the really interesting space battles happened in the 1950s, , go retro - literally - with Atomic Rockets. Lots of discussion of various aspects of space war, as we used to think it would go and as we think now that it might . . . compared and contrasted with real military experience, and decorated with lots of great pulp SF covers.

-- Suggested by Conrad Noche

January 13, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Necronomicon Is Out Of Print For A Reason

Got a childhood memory of going to the library and reading a book about UFOs or werewolves? Do you wonder what became of those beloved volumes of high weirdness? They've all migrated to Veronica's Books, which claims to be the place to go for all those tomes of forgotten lore. From acupuncture to Wicca and all illuminated points in between, there's sure to be a gift for the enlightened on your shopping list.

January 8, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: You've . . . Always . . . Been The Caretaker Here

Stephen King thought the original big-screen version of his novel The Shining was too over-the-top for its own good, and the folks at P.S. 260 agree with him. They've edited the film's trailer and made it what it was always meant to be: a romantic comedy. The rest of the site is something spiffy, too.

-- Suggested by W. Blake Smith

October 2, 2005: Illuminated Site of The Week: I Left It Right Here A Moment Ago

Remember Find A Grave? There's even more life in the death business than that. See what the more generic-sounding Findadeath adds to the necro-fan pot, including death certificates and links to other folks in the business of liveliness after death. Even with their dark sense of humor, they treat dead people better than most folks treat the living.

-- Suggested by W. Blake Smith

September 16, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: You Must Have Paid For Another Five Minutes

There's nothing like well-reasoned debate, and this is nothing like well-reasoned debate. Hard to argue with them, though. They make good points on both sides.

-- Suggested by Richard H Chapman

September 9, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Answers To Burning Questions

It's harder to hit a moving target, so all human knowledge has taken refuge on the Internet. Just try and burn the Library at Halexandria. They're good at weird HTML characters, so you know they possess deep wisdom. Be warned, it's got poetry, and we're not vouching for that.

-- Suggested by Christopher Thrash

September 3, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: In One Continent And Out The Other

Why do people keep watching the skies, looking for big rocks that might slam into us, acting like it's something special? It happens all the time.

Oh, but hey, don't get us wrong . . . you should still be reduced to a state of mindless panic by the news.

-- Suggested by Thomas Weigel

August 26, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Journey Of Twenty Centimeters Begins With But A Single Micron

August 19, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Who Delivered These?

August 13, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Disconnect The Dots

Some web games just fall flat, but this one doesn't work unless it does exactly that. The puzzles at Planarity have more twists than a Mason plot, and get increasingly difficult. At least until someone uses Flash to create a Gordian game complete with sword.

-- Suggested by Richard H Chapman

August 5, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Touched By His Noodly Appendage

What we really need is a third party to bring its views to the table as regards the origin of "life, the universe, and everything." That won't necessarily solve any problems, but it will sure make them more fun to watch. Robert Henderson's Open Letter to Kansas School Board throws fuel on the fire and raises the intellectual level of the conversation by raising the possibility that the world is the work of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Sound like crazy talk? Sure does, until he points out the pirate angle. At that point, he had us.

-- Suggested by Thorin Tabor

July 29, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Fill That Hol In Your Life With Some Istic

July 22, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: That Feeding The Masses Thing Sounds Fishy, Too

Looks like everyone needs a ghost writer these days. Those unafraid to confront the pen names "Moses" and "Jesus" can find William Edward Hunt expounding at length on his view that The Bible is a Hoax. If you're not up for discussions of why God (who was selected accidentally) is really pulling double duty as the Devil, you might want to tune in next week for holistic healing instead.

-- Suggested by Jason Kottler

July 15, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: But No Tractor Beams?

Okay, so it's part puppetry and part screed, but it's all natural. The Organic Trade Association warns against the tyranny of farm-raised veggies in Grocery Store Wars, a story of good and evil in the pumpkin patch.

-- Suggested by Scott Haring

July 9, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: "Kibble . . . Kiii-Buuul!"

They don't want your brains, they just want to know what smells like bacon. The Safar Center for Resuscitation Research has revivified our animal companions. Can a practical application in horror movies be far off? Fox has the story.

-- Suggested by Shawn Fisher

July 2, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: I Can See My House From Here

Maybe you're a fan of travel. Perhaps you're starting a Special Ops game. Then again, you may want that long-sought proof that They are watching you. Or, conversely, you could be . . . well, we'd rather not know. But go Google Sightseeing.

-- Suggested by Damon Muma

June 24, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Alternate Theories

Someone's been doing a lot of thinking . . . or at least a lot of collating. All the data you need about quantum physics is located on the Resonant Field Theory Education Page. Find out what the latest is - though, how can you be sure Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle is obsolete? And what if it's right in the universe next door?

-- Suggested by Paul May

June 18, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: You Must Walk Before You Can Launch Surface-To-Air Missiles

Sakakibara Kikai is another company that can't sit around and wait for technology to catch up to entertainment. They've developed a Gundam-style walker that will actually walk you around. The product page has a lot of characters that may baffle your browser, but The Japan Times has the story.

-- Suggested by Greg

June 10, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: It Keeps Going, And Going, And . . . No, Seriously

Good news for those of you who worry someone might be smuggling iron filings into secure areas: mPhase brags they have used nanotechnological advances with batteries that will yield sensors 1,000 times more sensitive than what we've got today. Read the press release here.

-- Suggested by Erin Garlock

June 3, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Reynolds Rap?

Announcing to the Nobility, Gentry, and Public: A Revue of the Stylings of Miss Prism, songstress to the Heads of Europe. She will perform "I've Got My Tinfoil Hat On" beginning precisely at half past click. Tickets and Places for the Boxes to be had of Mssrs. Doghorse and 4rthur at Eclectech. Participants are cautioned that Exposure to additional Elements at this Interweb Service should be under the Direction of responsible adult Authorities.

-- Suggested by Stefan Jones

May 27, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: He Needs An "L" On His Chest

Man of Steel. Man of Tomorrow. Last Son of Krypton.

What a jerk.

This site proves, through a series of old comic covers, that everyone's all-American hero is really, when you come right down to it, pretty much a . . . well, we won't say it in a family forum, but even Perry White doesn't have the full story.

-- Suggested by William B. Smith

May 20, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Poetry In Motion

You may not want to visit this site if you're feeling down . . . it's only going to add grease to that slippery slope. But if you have a high tolerance for pain, this kind of art might appeal to you. Nobody Here but us chickens, goats, giraffes . . .

-- Rene Kalverboer

May 13, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Just Deserts

Is Earth's natural machinery two-thirds gone? What's the story with evolution and intelligent design? And should we be concerned that there are seemingly too many New Mexicans for Science and Reason to make statisticians comfortable? They're a clearinghouse for all the ugly scientific truth that rears its nascent head.

-- Suggested by Martin Brummell

May 6, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: If You Want Fries With That, It Means More Scripting

Want to know what's worse than the nine-to-five grind? Watching someone else's nine-to-five grind. How can something that requires this much work be so unimaginably dull? He needs to Wake Up, because even worse than watching boring is programming boring.

-- Suggested by Richard Chapman

May 1, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: E.T. - He Never Calls, He Never Writes

Some "advanced civilizations" we have in this galaxy. They've got all the technology, but they make us do all the heavy lifting. They're not calling us, so we have to leave a message with them. At the sound of the tone, TalkToAliens.

-- Suggested by Jeffrey Bernard

April 22, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: This Sounds Like A Great Idea

Crank Dot Net offers itself up as a clearinghouse for strange and esoteric information. Want a weird website on Planet X or the Loch Ness Monster? Crank can hook you up.

Of course, so could we. If you want. Not that we care. Go there if you like. We'll just sit here. In the dark. With our secrets.

-- Suggested by Mark Gellis

April 15, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Last Web Page You'll Ever Need

Better men have tried, all have failed (unless the dolphins pulled a fast one and we didn't notice). Wiping out our planet (not "all life on it," mind you) isn't as easy as summer blockbusters would have you believe. It's a daunting task, but if you think you've got the Wrong Stuff, Sam's Archive will help you avoid common missteps as you learn How to destroy the Earth.

-- From multiple submissions

April 8, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: You Can Just Call Him TJ

The Second Coming has arrived, and his name is Ted Jesus Christ GOD. He's got some great ideas for bunkers, should he ever become president, and he calls them Ted Jesus Christ GOD Deep Underground Eco Enclosed Cities. He'll tell you at great length about what he thinks is evil and wicked (unless you're a "child Human," in which case, no kidding, some of his photo albums aren't fit for viewing). His philosophy is similarly difficult to encapsulate, and his prophecies stretch a billion years into the future, if you think you'll be around for a Third or Fourth Coming.

-- Suggested by Eric Newsom

April 2, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: They Have A Little Something For You

You've heard all the endless reports: Nanotechnology is the next, uh . . . big thing. What would you do with it? Explore space? Cure disease? Royal BodyCare wants to smooth your skin and help you lose weight now. Ask them how.

-- Suggested by David Neuschulz

March 25, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: All We Need Now Is An Ice Planet

Or bugs . . . zillions of 'em. Or perhaps a canyon filled with mutant cockroaches. Plustech, a John Deere company, has taken us another six-legged step into the future with their Walking Forest Machine. See the specs, see the history, but most importantly, see the videos (11 MB worth, mind).

-- Suggested by Tim Pollard

March 18, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Bless My Soul

The New York Stock Exchange has NASDAQ, so why shouldn't soulXchange have a little unhealthy competition? We Want Your Soul has a counteroffer for that wispy, meaningless little contrivance that's holding you back from all your dreams.

-- Suggested by Roy A Kubicek

March 11, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: That'll Learn Ya

The path to salvation is through knowledge, but where to find that knowledge? Gnostic Media can give you a good start, and if they can't they have plenty of books, videos, and links to pick up the slack. Conspiracies, Santa Claus, the myth of Moses...but not the flat-Earth theory. That'd be silly since there never was one.

-- Suggested by Jared

March 5, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: . . . Because Some Of Our Stuff Will Wig You Out

Educate-Yourself takes a very widely holistic view of health matters. Sure, bioelectrification, sound therapy, and colloidal silver all have their place in a properly advanced regimen of personal care, but the thwarting of Sinister Forces cannot be neglected, either. One cannot have good health, after all, if the genetic New World Order includes such things as power lines, suppressed cures, and rampant bioterrorism.

-- Suggested by Anonymous

February 25, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Gog, Magog, & Zogg

Ah, children, with their bright and eager eyes...those lifeless eyes...cold, dispassionate eyes. Eyes that bore into you and betray the inhuman and emotionless intelligence that lurks behind those baby blues. The Cuddly Menace threatens us all, and it's staring at us from something no more sinister than a simple children's book.

-- Suggested by Stefan Jones

February 18, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Better Than A Telephone Pole

Rather than spend another fruitless Saturday afternoon cruising suburban streets looking for that big score, plot your course with Garage Sale Promotion. Check your state and see who's selling the farm. So far there doesn't seem to be a single listing anywhere in the nation, but that doesn't mean they won't soon have your special treasure.

On an unrelated note, Warehouse 23 recently had an influx of unmarked crates.

-- Suggested by Casey

February 11, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: I Been Hippo-Tized

Be aware, folks. On February 12th, hypnotherapists across the land will try to Hypnotize America. They say you'll feel ready to do everything you've been meaning to do, and your life will be filled with purpose. That's all. There's nothing to worry about. What else could someone in complete control of the suggestible minds of all Americans possibly do, right? The mind boggles - if they'll let it.

-- Suggested by William Thrasher

February 4, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: How Many Wonders Of The World Does That Make?

If you're specialized in your job, you go where the work takes you. For example, there's not much call for pyramid builders these days, so when Pennsylvania calls, you go. That's not the only Secret of Olyphant, either. Seems the whole place is one big homage to Egypt - or are they trying to supplant it as purveyor of mysticism and ancient rites?

-- Suggested by Kenneth Hudson

January 28, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: We Meet Again, T-Rex, But This Time The Advantage Is Mine

Turns out the mammals weren't the wimps we thought they were. We live-birthers have been giving lizards what-for for 130 million years. That, or the Repenomamus giganticus has traveled back through time to alter history. If so, New Scientist has those parts of the story that the timeline has promulgated forward.

January 21, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Going Somewhere?

January 8, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Stone-Cold Philosophy

The builders of Stonehenge are long gone and therefore hard to track down, but when the same thing happens in the late 70s and we still can't get a handle on it, it's embarrassing. Some guy managed to erect The Georgia Guidestones without anyone really sitting up and taking notice. You may as well read what he had to say, just in case he comes back to take an active hand in fulfilling his dire admonitions. -- Suggested by Shawn Fisher

December 31, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Don't Try This At Home

No, seriously. Not without permission, anyway. Think you can go covering your bald spot all willy-nilly? Not hardly. That bad boy has been patented, so when you go down the street, be prepared to provide documentation for that combover.

-- Suggested by Kendel

December 24, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Coming Orgone

Orgon can entrain your brain! Orgon can increase ESP! Orgon can bring about the Christ consciousness! Orgon has two spellings! Brainwave & Orgon shows you orgon is better than meth and will put you in the same class as the military's remote viewers. Gosh, all this and it could lead to a job offer?

-- Suggested by Rin

December 10, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Kill De Wed Stag, Kill De Wed Stag

Some folks are housebound, suffer debilitating injuries, or get a rash in the underbrush. No matter the reason you can't get out into the field, Live-Shot is prepared to help you kill some of God's creatures. For a nominal fee, they're planning on letting you target live game with remotely operated computer-controlled weapons. You'll have to settle for paper targets right now, but when the whole thing's up and running, they'll deliver your kill to your doorstep.

-- Suggested by Martijn Waegemakers

December 3, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: That Spell's Trouble

Get back a lost lover. Find a new one. Rekindle the romance. The California Astrology Association offers these spells and more at their site for every conceivable permutation of unrequited love. And while you're there, don't forget to get your Wanga.

-- Suggested by Christopher Coughlin

November 26, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: From The Turkey's Point Of View

Stop complaining about dinner around the table with your in-laws and consider the plight of Wayne Manzo. When he goes to the shelter for the holiday, the psycho aliens cut into his feet or take him down. At least they did in 2000; he hasn't updated his Notes (beware the pop-ups) since then because he's being censored and kept prisoner on the streets with nothing but a camera and web access to fight the good fight in Cincinnati. Watch his lawsuit against a population of aliens and dead people, with English, grammar, and web coding all vying for his attention.

-- Andy

November 19, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Tickle Your Whiskers

The cat ban in many homes may be coming to an end. Allerca claims by 2007 they'll be able to start putting hypoallergenic cats into households everywhere. Come sniff out the deals, though the price tag is nothing to sneeze at.

-- Suggested by Carl D Cravens & Bob Portnell

November 12, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: ...And Everyone's Invited

Ever have one of those college professors who regaled you with tales of a misspent youth, involving the throwing of a chunk of sodium into a large body of water? In this day and age of rampant Homeland Security crackdowns, it's good to see someone still thinks enough of the scientific process not to wuss out when doing something incredibly dangerous. And make no mistake, the Sodium Party is as perilous as such stunts get.

-- Suggested by Ed Elder

November 5, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Is Shub-Niggurath Hyphenated?

In the market for a new deity? Godchecker has them by the chariot-load. Scan through the world's selection and find one that smites you just the right way.

-- Suggested by Tom Bolenbaugh

October 29, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: I Knew I Shoulda Taken That Left Turn On This Mortal Coil

The tourist trade is dead, and that's a good thing as far as The Necronautical Society is concerned. They're determined to map out the Other Side (how else will they follow through on their plans for colonization?), and "die in new, imaginative ways."

Incidentally, Austria has an Office of Anti-Matter.

-- Andy

October 22, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: President Bush...Er, Gore...No, Cheney...Wait...De Niro?

If the world today has you down, just remember things could be worse. Or better. Today In Alternate History keeps track of all the potential threads of history. Does he have some sort of political agenda? Check in again tomorrow, it'll probably be different then.

-- Suggested by R. Emrys Gordon & Chris Rose

October 8, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Rather Sensible Vehicles In Disguise

Don’t be fooled by the innocuous Mini Cooper – you don’t know the kind of firepower this thing can field.
Some of the secrets have now been revealed, and this may be only the tip of the iceberg. How many of these things are on the road already?

-- Suggested by Jason Mical

October 2, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: And Here I Thought You'd Done Something Clever

September 24, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Sleep The Sleep Of The Just

September 17, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: We’ll Do The Prophecies Of Elton John Next

Kennedy and Lincoln had their Posner; McCartney had his Gibb; and Princess Diana has, well . . . David Alice. Operating under the assumption that his albums must have some value, singer Morrissey has been singled out as a doomsayer. Not that such a tone is hard to find in his songs, but did they presage the popular princess’ passing? The Diana-Morrissey Phenomenon has the answers.

-- Suggested by Geoffrey Brent

September 11, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: We Knew Seasons Lasted Six Months Here

There's a tunnel of time over Antarctica. Would we lie to you? Probably, but Pravda wouldn't, else what's the point?

-- Suggested by Joe Taylor

September 3, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: . . . And Introducing Hastu . . . Eh, You Know

What happens when you end up with a Necronomicon and Walter and his friends come looking for it? You get The Call of Whatever, a light but entertaining webcomic about Old Ones, mad Arabs, and Ctut . . . Culth . . . whatever.

-- Suggested by Brian Hogue

August 27, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Can You Believe This Place?

Of course not. It is, after all, Alex Boese's Museum of Hoaxes. If you could trust one thing in here, it wouldn't be worth the price of admission. Hoaxes old and new are listed throughout the site, from the spaghetti crops to the critiques of David Manning. Find out what they're lying to you about now, or see how you stack up against the gullible rubes of decades past.

-- Suggested by WM

August 23, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Let's Hope Raptors Are Still In The Talking Stage

Cloning your beloved Fido is a bit selfish, don't you think? Let's start with something that will be of immeasurable benefit to science and the world at large: small, fat birds. Pete & Dave's Dodo Emporium has legs . . . and a stubby beak, too.

-- Suggested by WM

August 13, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: How Many People Does It Take To Fake A Sighting These Days?

It's not enough to keep us in the dark about Nessie. Now we have to contend with people "disappearing" innocent victims just to hide conspiracies about documentaries about movies. Maybe The Truth About Loch Ness really does have the scoop on everyone's favorite plesiosaur, but the international cover-up is losing face with all these cross-plots.

-- Suggested by Marcus E. Polk

August 6, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Canaveral's Gonna Need A Bigger Parking Lot

To hear UFORC tell it, we should be shoulder-deep in BEMs. See the extensive documentation, Biblical references, and photo opportunities.

-- Suggested by CJ Montgomery

July 26, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Them Fear And Paranoia Harvests Are Comin' In Right Nice

Like the crossword puzzle in the Sunday New York Times, it's about time someone sat down long enough to interpret the mystic symbols in fields and connect them to global plots to manipulate mankind. The Howell Crop Circles and the Illuminati tells you all you need to know about what, other than wheat, we're growing in the world's heartlands.

-- Suggested by Jim Prange

July 17, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Shoot The Moon

Get this: The Lunar Federation is attempting to sell plots of land on the moon. That's crazy talk, as we have already told you the Lunar Embassy is doing it. There's nothing else for it but to let both sides fight it out . . . in one-sixth gravity.

-- Suggested by Anthony M. Grasso

July 10, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Headlines The Onion Won't Touch

Re-Lite

While it would be nice to be perfect, it so rarely happens. GURPS Lite was no exception; there were a number of errors in the file we posted Thursday. Fortunately, it hadn't gone to the printer yet, so we were able to catch them in time to fix the printed copy as well as the PDF. If you're interested in the update, please go to the GURPS Lite page and download a new version.

July 2, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Black Plague Batted .500 Its Rookie Year

June 27, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: I Just Have To Outrun You

What do Spider-man, Will Smith, Harry Potter, and Vin Diesel have in common? They're all going to be running like hell from stuff this summer. Is it likely? Is it even possible? Depends on who they are, what they're driving, and what they're trying to outdistance. The Reality of Running Away from Stuff could hit them like a Mack truck.

-- Suggested by Stephen Dedman

June 22, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Because I Could Not Stop For Death, He Kindly Dogpiled Me

Ever wondered how people die? Wonder no longer. At all. Ever. About any of it. Because it's all at NationMaster.com.

-- Suggested by Joseph North

June 11, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Beam Us Up Scotty, There's No Rush Here

Maybe they were told fishing hole and they heard black hole. For whatever reason, the little town of Mayberry finds itself invaded by the United Federation of Planets. It takes a keen eye (or a bunch of publicity stills and video grabs), but Mayberry in Star Trek has the subtle photographic evidence that those Trek backgrounds are getting rural free delivery.

-- Suggested by Fnord

June 4, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Character Assassination

Looking for a new way to wage an internal war? This site is satire. Repeat: This site is for the purpose of satire only. Thank you.

-- Suggested by Anonymous

May 28, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Separation Of Mythos And State

What's next, "one nation, under the sea"? Act now to stop religious fundamentalism like this.

-- Suggested by William Thrasher

May 21, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: When Privacy's At Stake, Keep Your Chin Up

If you think you've never had a close shave with people trying to invade your privacy, think again. You may be only a hair's breadth from secret surveillance. Boycott Gillette tells us the razor company is a leader in the implantation of Radio Frequency Identification (or RFID) technology in their products. Pick up their razor and they may track you to the register - but can we really be sure it stops there? Guardian Unlimited has the story.

-- Suggested by Martin Brummell

May 14, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Unburied, Uncovered, Unreal

Scenes of death and ghost photography. Disneyland and its phantom government. Strange facts, alien scribblings, and the skulls of humanoids who never existed. Some sites give lip service to the bizarre and unusual, but there seems to be no end to Anomalies Unlimited. Theirs is a fun and fascinating collection of the off-key that's not easily rivaled - nor, in some cases, meant for the faint of heart.

-- Suggested by Marius Blomkvist

May 7, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Thus Ever To A Few Guys In Canada

No man is an island, but a handful of them could be their own country. The Aerican Empire strives to make itself known in a world where the little guy gets pushed out of all the good summits. Think of them as the Fourth World.

-- Suggested by George Rendel

Chat This Evening!

Tonight, at 7 p.m. Central Time, Sean Punch will be leading a chat in the Pyramid MOO on "Skills and Techniques." Don't miss it if you want to be the first kid on your block with the latest information on the new edition of GURPS!

April 26, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: A Hot Time In The Hot Town Tonight

Unless you've been living under a rock (or were chased there by a drifting cloud of radiation), you'll recall Chernobyl is the Russian town where a nuclear accident killed off or chased out all the citizenry. The streets are wide open, but to go cruising through it on a motorcycle, you'd have to be crazy. Or her. Or both . . .

-- From Multiple Suggestions

April 17, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Rock My World

With a few simple bits of data, the Earth Impact Effects Program tells you the predicted results of various collisions with the Earth. Although they make no guarantees as to accuracy (for scientists, they sure seem to skimp on the experimentation phase), it should be close enough for Transhuman Space aficionados, Roswell enthusiasts, and science alarmists. Let's just hope it doesn't fall into The Wrong Hands.

-- From Multiple Suggestions

April 9, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Farce Is Strong With This One

Judge him by his make and model, do you? Obi-Shawn has spent the last four years channeling the Force into his Honda del Sol, turning it from an ordinary street car into the H-Wing Carfighter, darling of car shows and charity events across the gala...er, California. If you think the car had a lot of work put into it, wait until you see the website.

-- Suggested by Rus Hall

April 3, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: They Laughed At Him At The University

Whether they try to clone dinosaurs, launch death rays into low orbit, or create armies of superbeings for world domination, mad scientists always seem to have one thing in commmon: fabulously strange forces beyond mortal ken at their beck and call. The scariest thing about unassuming string theory co-creator Michio Kaku and his theories on time travel, hyperspace, and the theory of everything - they make sense.

-- Suggested by Dean Randle

March 27, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: He Who Steals My Name Steals A Shrewd, Aggressive Business Nature

Numerology by any other name might be the Kabalarian Philosophy. The site takes pains to distance itself from this comparison, but the basic idea remains the same: Enter your name and find out how your name creates your mind. The founder, for example, "[does not] tolerate interference in [his] own affairs, [but] this characteristic does not prevent [him] from interfering in the affairs of others." Fair enough.

-- Suggested by Paul McCann

March 19, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: They'll See Right Through This Story

Anyone who thinks teenagers can't be insightful hasn't traveled to Russia lately. Ananova tells us 16-year-old Natalia can look right into a person's body. The site also describes people that try to pay their shopping tabs with fake (!) million-dollar bills, Czech porn queens, and...well, the list goes on.

-- Suggested by Erik Bergman

March 12, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Three Eyes Are Better Than Two

Do you want your consciousness expanded? Do you wish to understand mysteries that elude others? The International Trepanation Advocacy Group suggests drilling a hole into your forehead. It allows you to broaden your horizons - at, it would appear, the expense of being able to put together a more navigable and straightforward website.

-- Suggested by Geoffrey Brent

March 6, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: I'd Like To Teach The Web To Sing

They make beautiful music together, "they" being pretty much everyone. If you'll Let them sing it for you, this site will unite vocal talents cobbled from a multitude of sources. Type in your own lyrics and hear it sung by everyone from Tom Jones to Aerosmith. And if they don't have the words you're looking for, feel free to help improve the database.

-- Suggested by Jeff Raglin

February 27, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: "Because If They Don't Vote, The Wrong Lizard Might Get In"

It looks like the Reptilians are at it again, taking over countries in support of their agenda of (of course) world control. We are all Ruled By The Serpent Gods. The author liberally quotes David Icke, but assures us, "I am not trying to persuade people. I am just gathering information to support the theory that Reptilian Extraterrestrials have controlled humanity for thousands of years." Mostly he does this with pictures of their secret lodges where the pottery is rife with illuminated imagery.

-- Suggested by Jude Curran

February 20, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: That Makes Things So Much Easier

Attention artists: Stop. Oh, sure, you could continue to scribble out your silly little portraits and landscapes, but why bother? Howard Hallis has made his artwork the one-stop shop for graphic presentations. He's created The Picture of Everything. So don't waste your time.

-- Suggested by Tony Toon

February 14, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: But Is It Cheddar?

You may not know much about art, but you no doubt know what you like to eat. Santa Fe's Lapides Gallery apparently allows doodles. Two great tastes that display right together.

-- Suggested by GA Douglass

February 6, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: And Yeti Keeps Eluding Us

But now we've got him/her/it right where we want him/her/it. If you have a computer and a scenic view, you can be part of YETI@Home. Get information about the attendant programs at the site. Imagine thousands of PCs working around the clock to solve one of the greatest mysteries of our age.

-- Suggested by Peter Barnes

January 30, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Batter Up

Whalers and holes in the ozone aren't enough. If we're ever to wipe out all the wildlife at the South Pole, we're going to have to bat some penguins around.

January 17, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Pellucidar On $789 A Day

Do vacations leave you feeling empty inside? Fill those vacant places in your life with the trip of a lifetime. Steve Currey and his expedition are taking a Voyage to Our Hollow Earth. Sign up now and you can see the proof of the pudding under the crust.

-- Suggested by Marcus L. Rowland

January 9, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Get A Load Of This

It's a gas. Methane, that is, and it's the energy source of the future since everything dies and decays. Flatulent Technologies is breathing life into this idea, along with tangential, bean-based projects like confections and, er...stuff for guys.

-- Suggested by Brian E. Thompson

January 2, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: This Alert Brought To You By The Letters "Uh" And "Oh"

Just how bad are things? Ashcroft can tell you - or rather, his pallor can. His color-coded terror alerts are waiting for you here, and he's spreading his brand of alarmism to the kids as fast as the Internet will carry it.

-- Suggested by Lynette R. F. Cowper

December 26, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Up Next: What Also Floats In Water?

December 19, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Shaking Up Your Holidays

For a little yuletide taste of that feeling of power, go to the Holiday Snowglobe and stir things up for the neighbors.

-- Suggested by Erik Wilson

December 12, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Find It At Finer Arkham Train Stations Everywhere

Have you accepted Cthulhu as your personal lord and savior? He doesn't care. Adult language, violence, Great Old One situations, brief Elder God nudity.

-- Suggested by Ted Skirvin

December 5, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Oddly, The Journal Entries Are In Order

If you missed time traveler John Titor's visit, you can catch up with most of his posts, photos, and scientific observations in digest form at The Time Travel Tale of John Titor. Assuming his trip back didn't erase him from this timeline.

-- Suggested by William Thrasher

November 28, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Lovin' The Spin We're In

Some see it as a downward spiral, but you can shine your own light on the evils of public relations in the Disinfopedia. PR firms will give you your opinion on everything from war to washing powder if you let them. But be careful: It's collaborative software, so the publicity machine isn't the only thing trying to sway you in an arena where everyone can have their semi-uncensored say.

-- Suggested by David Barrena

November 21, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: There's A Sucker Sired Every Minute

If you feel no one understands you, with your aversion to pungent garlic and your tendency to keep late hours, know that you are not alone . . . at least, not in New Jersey.

-- Suggested by m_nadrakas

November 15, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: You Gotta Be Kiddin'...Oh, You Are?

If you think there are too many parents who take demons and vampires too seriously, you should see some of the surfers who cruise into William Travis' Official Bureau 13 Homepage. This old mainstay of horror roleplaying games is apparently so convincing that even those who post to the site think their own posts are real.

-- Suggested by William Blake Smith

November 8, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: See Ceto. See Ceto Abduct. Abduct, Ceto, Abduct

Not that much of what Brother Blue has to say makes a lick of sense, but The B:.B:.'s take on the Leah Haley kid's book Ceto's New Friends is tough to nail down. Pro or con? Hogwash or the right idea done the wrong way? Offer your insights at the site.

-- Suggested by Shawn McMahon

November 1, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Remember, Kids Hate To Get The Fun-Size Brains

Nothing beats curling up with a good book when the autumn wind is whistling at the windows and the trees creak. The right book sets the mood, and the really right book may save your life.
The Zombie Survival Guide spends far too much time telling folks how to protect themselves from the hungry undead, and sounds much too accurate doing it.

-- Suggested by Sean Punch

October 24, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: "I Like The Way That Rolls Off The Tongue"

If you're a super-genius or just hungry for road-runner meat, you're
going to need help pursuing your dreams. Look through The Original
Illustrated Catalog Of ACME Products - something is bound to strike
your fancy. And if at first you don't succeed, try another variation on
a theme. That's what the pros do.

-- Suggested by Jim Katic

October 17, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: "To Be Or Not To Be, That Is The Guzorninplat"

The next time you throw your hands up in frustration and lament, "What kind of baboons do they
have programming this stuff?" know that your wailing may be more on-target than you think. Primate Programming™ Inc. offers
customers the chance to get code at dirt-cheap prices by putting primates to work hammering away
at the keyboards.

-- Suggested by Greg Nokes

October 10, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: The End Of The World Is Exhausting

The Cutting Edge is a
Christian resource that manages to marry technology and belief without
making it clear on which side of certain issues they fall. Maybe
they're just kidding. Given the Antichrist's
timetable, we can only hope.

-- Suggested by Jesse Heinig

October 3, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Something To Mull Over

If you're a big fan of mullet hairdos - and who is? - get your fix at
Mullet Junky. Be warned: The
use of adult language is the least unsettling thing you'll find among
these flowing locks.

-- Suggested by Bonnie Elliott

September 27, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: 'Scuse Me, While I Scan The Sky

September 19, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Me, You, And A Job Gone Boo

The Ohio Ghost
Researchers have the spirit world covered. With an empty page
dedicated to fake ghost pictures and another full of unconvincing real
ones, you can see what they've been up to (looks like their first,
last, and only investigation has taken about two years so far). And if
you think you'll get one past them, check out their thorough ghost
investigation request form.

-- Suggested by John Davis

September 12, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: If You Think You Can Damn Them Better

. . . then Design your
own hell, smart guy. Choose your sinners, jam-pack them (you know
there are going to be plenty) into the nine levels, and let the
tortures of the damned begin, you little devil.

-- Suggested by Alan and Carmel Brain

September 5, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Nothing To Report

If you're tired of viruses, blasters, bugs, and worms, switch to NaDa, the only system software extension that's guaranteed not to work for any operating system.

-- Suggested by Marcus L. Rowland

August 30, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Who Has Time For All This Stuff?

Remember the fellow who spammed the Internet, desperately seeking equipment that would allow him
to travel through time? Looks like Dave Hill was able to hook him up. Check out their
correspondence at Nikke's
website.

-- Suggested by Geoffrey Brent

August 22, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Can I Have That When You're Done With It?

Some of us find old sofas by the side of the road and refurbish our
apartments with them. The Disposal Services
Agency in the United Kingdom is a lot like that except they sell the stuff they pick up. If you're in the market for an old warship or a helicopter, they want to hear from you.

-- Suggested by Merlin Tyrmorr

August 16, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Make Room, Make Room . . . For Seconds

There's nothing wrong with soylent green a decent marketing campaign can't fix, as the Soylent Green Biscuit Company ably demonstrates. Now the T-shirts - there's something very wrong with those.

-- Suggested by John Fast

August 8, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Don't Drink The Water

At least not without a healthy prayer, or perhaps a chorus of chants. Water carries within it
information, and it responds to different emotional states. Lest your next bottle of
H2O do you in because of a poor choice of musical accompaniment, check first with Messages from Water to see how this sensitive substance will react.

-- Suggested by B.A. Punkert

August 1, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: From The Crayon Boxes Of Babes

Our world's youth aren't immune to the effects of alien abductions.
From the man who brought us the thought screen helmet comes a site to illustrate how deep the problem goes.

July 18, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Fer Yer Comput-Arrr

Why bother with a full system setup if you use an economy of language
to begin with? It's the pirate
keyboard.

-- Suggested by whit

July 11, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: ...And If It's A Girl, Kumquat

Maybe they're bored. Maybe they're drunk. To be fair, it's tough to give a child an identity when names are either too common or too esoteric, but some parents don't even come close. If you're having a child or know someone who is, don't let them name the kid without a trip to Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing. The dignity you save may be your own.

-- Suggested by Roderick Robertson

July 4, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: A Frank Discussion About Art

Unless you can read Japanese, you won't understand a word of it. But art is a universal language, and these pieces of hot dog art speak for themselves.

-- Andy

June 27, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Would We Lie To You?

Someone offers you the chance to supposedly score big by helping some refugee from a failing government secret away millions of dollars . . . if you'll just give them a little seed money to get things rolling. If you haven't been spammed with a money scam like this, chances are you don't own a computer.

The good folks at Scam o Rama don't think kindly of these on-line cheats, but that doesn't mean they don't know how to mine the so-called Lads from Lagos for a good time. The worst of them are posted and held up for ridicule. Don't forget to check out their FAQ.

June 21, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Homeland Improvement

June 13, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: It's Apostasy In The Lead With Satanism Bringing Up The Rear

Ladies and gentlemen, place your bets. We're headed for the end-times, and there's a rapture roundup at Rapture Ready. Their Rapture Index tracks antichrists, famine, droughts, plagues, the crime rate, Kings of the East, and more, all in an effort to give mankind a heads-up where it stands in the rapidly-winding-down scheme of things.

-- Andy

June 6, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: It's Almost A Good Idea

DARPA is still on the cutting edge. This time they're slicing through that thin veil of your privacy with the proposed LifeLog. Their site calls it "an ontology-based (sub)system that captures, stores, and makes accessible the flow of one person’s experience in and interactions with the world in order to support a broad spectrum of associates/assistants and other system capabilities." Of course, the people the LifeLogger is reporting on just might see it differently. The story in Wired calls it "an all-seeing, ultra-intrusive spying program."

Well, now we're just splitting hairs.

-- Suggested by William Thrasher

May 23, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Lost Classics Of Literature

Need a book, take a book. Have a book, leave a book. BookCrossing.com turns the entire planet into a library. Page through a few selections and see what hidden treasures may lurk near you.

-- Suggested by Trent

May 16, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Pray Only To The Ones You Like, Excommunicate Any Time

It's a veritable buffet of deities. Don't like the Norse gods? Try the Greek pantheon at the next table. Sample a side order of the Egyptian divinities. Why settle for one mythology when the God of the Month Club lets you take them all for a test-worship?

-- Suggested by WmM

May 9, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Internet Brings People Together

We're not so different, Americans and North Koreans. It's the Russians that spoil all the nuclear disarmament talks. Watch international politics unfold in Kim Jong Il's Journal.

-- Suggested by Erik Wilson

May 3, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: You've Got To Know The Rules Before You Can Break Them

So before you begin a career as an Illuminated Seer, start by seeing how everything is related. Go to Lexical FreeNet and use their connected thesaurus to find all manner of disturbing, amusing, or just plain unexpected ties between words, phrases, and their myriad uses. There may be a test later.

-- Suggested by Peter Joyce

April 25, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: A Real Genius Would Have It Killing People By Now

April 18, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Not If I See You First

As Janeane Garofalo asked, "Is that portentous, or merely noteworthy?"

-- Suggested by Michael Reynolds

April 11, 2003: A Pox Upon Thee

Give the gift of divine retribution. Since the wrath of the gods is terrible to behold, Products of the Apocalypse offers it in an easy-to-digest snowglobe format.

-- Suggested by William Thrasher

April 4, 2003: And Yes, Some Of It Involves Steam

Ah, for the good old days when innovation required nothing more than a willing spirit and American can-do. And a length of pipe. And a steam engine. And a few miles of copper wire. And...well, the other stuff at The Musuem of RetroTechnology.

-- Suggested by Richard Guy

March 28, 2003: A Breath Of Fresh Air

If you're worried about your health and the high cost of living, breathe easy. The Breatharian Institute of America can teach you how to live on air alone. And maybe some bottled water.

-- Suggested by Gerard Lamarck

March 21, 2003: It's What's Inside That Counts

Hostage takers are pretty quick to ask for a million dollars without considering the practicalities. How much does it weigh? How much space does it take up? Find out How Much Is Inside?

And that's not all. How many ping-pong balls fit into a Chevy Trailblazer? How much blood does the human body hold? And if you never gotten around to squeezing out your toothpaste end-to-end, they've done the hard work for you.

-- Suggested by Jake Cotter

March 14, 2003: It's Mostly In The Name Of Science

In this country, we're less likely to hide weapons of mass destruction and more inclined to build up a website touting the fabulous power we carelessly hold at our fingertips. Visit Sam Barros's PowerLabs and watch as he bends chemistry to his will and crushes full soda cans with nothing but a semiconductor. Make fun of him at your peril . . . he's also building a rail gun.

-- Suggested by Dan McCulley

March 7, 2003: Some People Ask "Why Not?"

It's everything you ever wanted to know about UFOs, but were waiting for someone else to ask, arrange, and compile. The Why? Files looks for a few answers in the night skies.

-- Suggested by Geoff Richardson

February 28, 2003: I Thought We Were An Autonomous Collective

Stonehenge is an enduring mystery. What is it? Who built it, and why? The good news is we've found the King of Stonehenge. The bad news is he's been dead for 4,300 years. Still, you'd be amazed what the
Amesbury Archer has been able to tell Wessex Archaeology.

-- Andy

February 21, 2003: The Camera Loves Him

He can show us joy. Sorrow. Anger. Surprise. Can he do perplexed bemusement? You're welcome to ask. Watch in idle fascination (or watch his idle fascination) as Eric Conveys An Emotion.

-- Suggested by Jens 'Spacejens' Rydholm

February 14, 2003: Now You Know Where To Go

They say the whole world is going to hell, so the United Kingdom will probably see a lot of tourism this year. They have several Entrances to Hell to choose from. Descend into the ground, pass through the gates, or make use of public works.

-- From multiple submissions

February 7, 2003: Trouble In Paradise

It's a nice place to visit, but they wouldn't want you to live there. The Hawaiian Kingdom wants to see the American occupation of their island nation end.

-- Suggested by Loren Wiseman

January 31, 2003: Trouble In Paradise

It's a nice place to visit, but they wouldn't want you to live there. The Hawaiian Kingdom wants to see the American occupation of their island nation end.

-- Suggested by Loren Wiseman

January 24, 2003: Trouble In Paradise

It's a nice place to visit, but they wouldn't want you to live there. The Hawaiian Kingdom wants to see the American occupation of their island nation end.

-- Suggested by Loren Wiseman

January 17, 2003: That's A Stretch

Remember all those people who chastised you as a kid for your "juvenile" hijinks shooting rubber bands? With the rubber band Devastator Gatling gun at Rubberband Guns, no one's going to be laughing now.

-- Suggested by Blake Smith

January 10, 2003: Time Is Money

In a big way. The folks who oversee The Time Travel Fund know this, and they seem to have all their bases covered. A little down payment now may score you a trip to the future, fully financed by accrued interest. Sign up now - time's a-wastin'.

-- Suggested by Jake Cotter

December 27, 2002: Half Past No. 2

History is written by the winners. At this website, so is the current time.

-- From multiple suggestions

December 20, 2002: Go Not Gentle Into That Good Futon

Casketfurniture.com wants to reduce the cost of dying. They sell furniture made of caskets, casket novelties, casket merchandise (some of the naughty kind for Mom and Dad only), and, should you be feeling under the weather, actual coffins.

-- Suggested by Joshua Marquart

December 13, 2002: Harry Potter Is Buff

Improve your charisma! Increase those abs! Sweep the business world! It's unfair, but it's also undetectable because it's Magitech! Their technology will boost your mystical powers and make initiation into a coven a thing of the past.

-- Suggested by giovanni

December 6, 2002: Writ Large

If you're the creative type running out of stylized type, Killer Fonts offers you brand new ones, all of them based on handwriting samples of the dead. Jesse James, George Washington, Christopher Columbus . . . now you've got a signature style to go with your .sig file.

November 22, 2002: At The Sound Of The Tone, The Time Is The Least Of Your Problems

Maybe we can't nail down where all the smallpox tubes are, but the GammaMaster watch with its built-in Geiger counter will give you notice when the radiation is getting too hot to handle. "Useful for ordinary citizens," says the ad - those who have a few extra hundred dollars lying around.

-- Suggested by Douglas Haxton

November 15, 2002: Those Wonderful Toys

It's not enough to have a master plan for taking over the world. You need a base, minions, weapons, armor . . . the works. Even the most demanding taskmaster can't help but drool at the criminal catalog offered by VillainSupply.com. You must be as tall as this battering ram to make a purchase - some of this site isn't for the little ruffians.

-- From multiple suggestions

November 8, 2002: Don't Try This At . . . Well, Wherever

Adventure isn't something you have to travel far to find. If you're not the woodsy type, stay in your own home town and get mauled by a whole other slew of hazards. The Urban Exploration Ring takes you on a virtual tour of virtually deserted areas like steam tunnels, cemeteries, factories, and other locations where everyone from LARPers to spelunkers can sate their appetite for the stuff of urban legend.

-- Suggested by Joe Littrell

November 1, 2002: Spare The Rod

The skies are getting mighty crowded these days. The UFOs are being pushed aside by the mysterious Roswell Rods, long shafts with flapping membranes that cruise the heavens at blinding speed. Are they alien craft? Living organisms? Undiscovered aquatic creatures? More traffic for the holidays, and every kid's going to want one for Christmas.

-- Suggested by Bonnie Acton

October 25, 2002: They Won't Stay Dead

We offered you protection in the form of Zombie Alert, an alarm that sounds in the presence of the shambling undead. Should you need more convincing, The Federal Vampire & Zombie Agency will give you some idea of the extent of this threat. This is not a drill, people.

-- From Multiple Submissions

October 18, 2002: Meaty As A Hatter

There's a new breed of hamerdasher in the fashion world. To see their work, check out Hats of Meat. Mad cow disease may not be limited to quadrupeds.

-- Suggested by Steve

October 11, 2002: Forgetting To Change The Batteries Would Be Embarrassing

Onko has your best interests at heart - which, by extension, means your brains. Zombie Alert is guaranteed to warn of impending zombie attacks, the statistics of which are frightening. Protect your family today, or just get a head start on them.

-- Suggested by William Thrasher

October 4, 2002: We're Going To Need A Bigger File

The evidence mounts against mind-controlling neuro-electromagnetic technology as Eleanor White has her say at Freedom Isn't Free.

-- Suggested by Blake Smith

September 27, 2002: Now Here's Something You'll Really Like

Even the Secret Masters have to clean house at some point. When clearing out the warehouse, they apparently pull out information files as well and dump them onto MØØse Droppings.

-- Suggested by Eric A. Burns

September 20, 2002: Some People Build Castles In The Sky...

...other people live in them. After a hard day of watching reality unravel, stack some drifting dunes at Asylum Sand Art Therapy.

Aah. Isn't that better?

-- Suggested by Martin J. Barela

September 13, 2002: Looking For Trouble

If Google isn't giving you the results you need, you could use something a little more...arcane. Cthuugle is a search engine that lets you find all things Lovecraft. Not that doing so is recommended. Most people don't go looking for the Old Ones, and if you get any hits, they may be inflicted on you.

-- Suggested by Scott Haring

September 6, 2002: The Wonderful Wizard Southeast Of Oz

McKellan isn't the only Ian plying his magical trade down under. Ian Brackenbury Channell, the official first Wizard of New Zealand, protects the island and conjures up tourism.

-- Suggested by Dan McCulley

August 30, 2002: I've Got A Crush On You

A diamond is forever, so most people use them to say "I love you." LifeGem goes one step further - their gems are made from the carbon when your beloved dies.

-- Suggested by Darkwulf and Doug Haxton

August 23, 2002: I Think, Therefore They Am

The Global Consciousness Project records thousands of random electronic "coin flips" on computers worldwide to see if the results change when the world undergoes upheaval. We may be able to predict disaster...or our collective emotions may be the cause of them. If this primer is too simple, the GCP has enough information to make your eyes bleed.

-- Suggested by Sebastian Tauchmann

August 16, 2002: Redefining Music

When he first read the dictionary, comedian Steven Wright said he thought it was a poem about everything. Another muse has the reins, however. Dictionaraoke.org, The Singing Dictionary, uses the audio word pronunciation guides from interactive dictionaries to provide the voices for any number of musical hits (for those who can download the MP3s).

-- Suggested by Blake Smith

August 9, 2002: Re: Incarnation

A memo from the desk of the deceased - reincarnation happens, and the Unarius Academy of Science has the proof. Ask James Dean the next time he attunes to this plane.

-- Suggested by William Thrasher

August 2, 2002: Striking From The Shadows

If you want to be a master assassin, go to Master Ninja and get your first assignment. They won't ask you to liquidate anyone, but hey, everyone's gotta start somewhere.

-- Suggested by Michael McDowell

July 19, 2002: Nothing To Fear But Phobophobia

If you're ready to face your fears - and everyone else's - check out The Phobia List. Good for Call of Cthulhu games (unless you have teratophobia), impassioned political speeches (barring politicophobia), and relationships (which doubtless leads to soceraphobia). Unless you have logizomechanophobia.

May 24, 2002: Currency Events

Acts of kindness are the coin of the realm in this second-generation kinder, gentler nation - literally. Steve and Scott send out specially minted coins, each with a history that's tracked on-line. To see where the coins have been, see Act of Kindness.com, where no good deed goes unpublished.

-- Suggested by Steve Hasenfus

May 17, 2002: More Obits Than You Can Shake A Parrot At

Ain't No Way To Go is the Internet's way of telling you to slow down. Herein find any number of odd and unfortunate ways to shuffle off this mortal coil. It's a collection of news stories from around the world, but that doesn't mean sensitive readers shouldn't exercise caution . . .

-- Suggested by Brett Slocum

May 10, 2002: Eine Klein Bottle Music

Some sales pitches just fall flat. Take Acme Klein Bottle for example. Their business may be expanding, but their product - real Klein bottles - are falling flat, restricted to two dimensions as they are.

April 26, 2002: Eating Of The Minds

April 19, 2002: IllSotW: Its Millennia Come 'Round At Last

Lonely for another apocalypse? There's another one on the way. The errant and mysterious Planet X - apparently all those old movie serials weren't kidding - is making another pass too close for comfort. Heralding all manner of weather changes, earthquakes, and upheavals, the world's governments are hushing the whole thing up. Sadly it doesn't look like X is on its own; there are all kinds of super-secret space junk threatening our home.

-- Suggested by Clark D. Rodeffer

April 12, 2002: You, Too, Can Include A Zippy Dance Number

What's better than reversing the effects of aging with human growth hormones, investing in stocks that will skyrocket, and getting millions of dollars from the Bank of Nigeria? Why, putting it all to music. Spamradio takes all the Internet's greatest hits and makes beautiful music. Unlike recording outfits, they even parse the sexy ones into their own section, which is good. You know these kids today; the sensational stuff always hits the top of the charts.

-- Suggested by Brett Slocum

April 5, 2002: They Beat The Tar Out Of Crop Circles

What Is It? couldn't be any more to the point: Someone is leaving messages embedded in the streets of major cities, most of them making oblique references to Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey. What does the message really mean? Who is leaving these missives? And will we find an obelisk if we dig up the road? It should surprise no one that potholes are part of the conspiracy.

-- Suggested by Eric Rossing

March 29, 2002: Brown Hair, Blue Eyes, And An Orc-Inflicted Scar

If you're a gamemaster and you're hard up for a picture of your latest NPC, or if you're a player who wants to add a little extra something to his sheet, Ultimate Flash Face provides a terrific public service. Choose the eyes, the nose, the chin...in moments, you have an instant character portrait.

Ooo, you know, the police could probably get some use out of this program, too.

-- Suggested by Chris Dicely

March 22, 2002: You Should Get That Looked At

The Internet provides a wealth of information, including medical advice. Not that "I have a pain in my left leg" stuff - Totl.net's Human Virus Scanner gives you the inside scoop on the memes that may have infected your mind, and practical advice on what to do about it.

-- Suggested by Omar K. Ravenhurst and Bob Schroeck

March 15, 2002: It's not a Bug, it's a Feature

The works of Shakespeare are immortal; so, it seems, are cockroaches. So why not marry the two? Why not indeed, asks Jaron Lanier, who sees in a bug's junk DNA the perfect medium for maintaining the great works. Great, assuming the New York Times morgue is literature to last the ages. They must be hedging their bets and hoping for favorable treatment with this article.

-- Suggested by David Cunnius

March 8, 2002: Bilder...Builder...Mason...Of Course...

Tony Gosling has a lot to say about the cabal that controls things. The Bilderberg Conferences seem to be one of the worst-kept secrets in the world domination game, and he's blowing the lid wider open.

-- Suggested by Scott McNair

March 1, 2002: And if Time Permits, the Tower of London

Wild cats stalk the streets and ghostbusters hunt 600-year-old spirits. Strange substances bubble beneath the surface and novelty toys fight crime. The latest role-playing game? No. This is Local London, or more accurately, this is the This is Weird section of This is Local London, and if this is all that's going on there, they're not getting enough tourism.

-- Suggested by Ed Fortune

February 22, 2002: You Do Your Own Dirty Work

The only thing more worrisome than a grand worldwide scheme plotted by mystic forces beyond understanding is a lazy bunch of forces that want you to do all the legwork. The Degree Confluence Project wants to find and photograph every intersection of lines of latitude and longitude. Why do they need this seemingly benign information? And why aren't they willing to deal with the ones in the ocean? Just what are they trying to hide?

-- Suggested by Brian C. Smithson

February 15, 2002: Chew the Fat

The advertising world is thick with ads from the meat and dairy boards and their respectable ilk, but the often overlooked fat faction seldom gets a fair hearing. The British Lard Marketing Board would like to weigh in and beg of you your precious consumer dollars. Anyone who subsists off glutinous snacks knows fat is what keeps most food companies afloat.

-- Suggested by Matt Nailon

February 8, 2002: This Could Drag On

No one told us instability in the Middle East was going to cost us irreplaceable archaeological evidence of the existence of dragons. Dragons Unlimited does what it can to preserve the lineage of these magnificent beasts, but as this story shows, any movement for a dragon habitat is fighting an uphill battle.

-- Suggested by Ken Ransom

February 1, 2002: Stepping on Each Other's Feet...or Toes

They say Texas is big, but that doesn't explain how the dedicated men and women of The Texas Bigfoot Research Center don't keep running into our old friends from the Gulf Coast Bigfoot Research Organization. They share the same interests and the same stomping grounds, but each seems to be blazing its own trail instead of following in the other's footsteps. Perhaps they cover more ground that way.

January 18, 2002: Dihydrogen Monoxide, Dihydrogen Monoxide Everywhere

Finally there's a coalition to Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide. This "invisible killer" is everywhere, killing houseplants, destroying the landscape, and threatening humanity. Can nothing stem the tide? Your contributions can help.

-- Suggested by Jayson Howell

January 11, 2002: Your Web-Fu's Pretty Good

If you think you can do a better job of mixing the soundtrack to a Bruce Lee chop-sockey flick than the crew, you're welcome to try, but as I Know Where Bruce Lee Lives will prove, the results end up sounding the same no matter who does it. Kiiaaii!

-- Suggested by Tom Bolenbaugh

January 4, 2002: Bare Bones Entertainment

It's just the skeleton of an idea, but it seems to be more than enough to keep you occupied. Now if only they had a snappy intro to catch your attention...

-- Suggested by Fred Wolke

December 21, 2001: "Message for You, Sir"

If you're like most people, you often think, "Pumpkins aren't airborne enough." If you're like these guys, you fix that by building trebuchets and other siege engines to get the job done. Then you compound the problem by writing poetry about it.

-- Suggested by Paul May

December 14, 2001: Love is in the Air

So you've had an argument with a girlfriend?

No. You haven't. He has. Put the brakes on that breakup, because you don't know how good you've got it.

November 30, 2001: 'pun My Word

Some things should remain outside man's domain. We tried to resist so evil an address, but now URL witness to our perfidy. The Illuminated Site of the Weak: BigPuns.com.

-- Suggested by Dan Riehs

November 23, 2001: Let's See It Open a Child-Proof Cap

Mysteries that have baffled mankind for centuries have been solved by LEGO® technology - well, "centuries," assuming the Mesopotamians had Rubik's Cubes®. JP Brown's CubeSolver sends the popular '80s toy home cryin' to mama.

-- Suggested by Mark Bassett

November 16, 2001: Don't Make Us Come Down There

Angel, God, gods: Elohim has been misread so many times. They're aliens come from the sky to visit their creation, the human race. They're disappointed at all the violence mankind engages in, but they're willing to forgive and forget (we didn't listen to their prophets). In fact, they'll mediate if we'll build them an embassy (with a swimming pool, natch). The Raelian Revolution has started.

Makes you wonder what else went wrong in translation.

-- Suggested by Scott McNair

November 9, 2001: The Lord Downloadeth

When demons come a-callin', deliverance is just a click away at Demonbuster. Know thine enemy; threaten unruly demons with "The Box"; learn more with the FAQ:

Q: Can demons transfer from person to person?
A: YES! They kinda CLONE.

-- Suggested by Geoffrey Brent

November 2, 2001: The All-Seeing Eye Knows No Blind Alley

So if you find yourself, say, here, don't be too sure that's not right where They want you.

-- Suggested by Kristian Madsen

October 26, 2001: Just Ducky

Round 1 is over as of August, but i found a duck has been so popular another round is in the works. 500 plastic ducks start in London and race around the world in the biggest plastic duck race on Earth. If you find one of the little darlings, make note of its progress and see that it gets to another distant destination safely. (Now if airport personnel ask if anyone's given you anything, you can say, "Just this duck.")

-- Suggested by Joshua Turton

October 19, 2001: The Best Defense is Not to Have Any Enemies

His Holiness Maharishi said every country will be completely invincible when they learn not to give birth to enemies. Such powerful invincibility can only be found at the point of Super Unification.

-- Suggested by Dan Simpson

October 12, 2001: Wanted: Clerk for Light Conspiracy Work

If you are devious by nature, think globally and can type 90 wpm, we've got a keyboard for you. No longer will the plot to keep typing speed down hinder your ambitions. ZZZ online features a new keyboard - actually more of a keyobelisk - that will let you write in any language at incredible speed.

-- Suggested by David Levi

October 5, 2001: Much, Much Higher Learning

The Institute of Physics and Astronomy, University of Aarhus is a mad scientist's dream come true...several dreams, in fact. The research focuses on everything from manipulating light to creating a quantum computer that will foil all attempts at decryption. Their latest pet project is teleportation. Small wonder their lab looks like something off The X-Files set. Check out the research and papers at the site.

-- Suggested by Daniel Bartholomew

September 28, 2001: But Do They Have a Lifetime Guarantee?

Eternal life is within your grasp - in fact, it's wrapped around your little fingers. Alex Chiu's Immortality Device is a pair of rings worn around the fingers. They can be coupled with a pair of foot braces for nighttime use, and you can also get the Immortality Neodymium Rings, which are 21 times stronger than, um . . . immortality.

If you're not satisfied with eternal life within 90 days, you can get a full refund.

-- From Multiple Submissions

September 21, 2001: It's Always the Last Person You'd Suspect

The Nephilim may have been found out. Seems these Biblical barbarian giants were disguised as Neanderthal Man the whole time. There may be fossil and even Scriptural evidence to this effect, but don't bother to clone them. Remember, The Nephilim Resistance Task Force is still ready to put them down.

-- Suggested by Jan Berrien Berends

September 14, 2001: We Cannot Allow a Green Cheese Gap

The United Nations has tried to ban people from traipsing up to the moon whenever they feel the urge and sticking a flag in it, but The Lunar Republic, when established here on Earth, will monitor and adjudicate the uses to which everyone's favorite satellite is put. No longer will its popular landmarks be endangered by growing development concerns.

-- Suggested by Gary Nichols

September 7, 2001: Why Wait for the Missiles to Come to Us?

Death from above isn't going to come in the form of missiles but bits and pieces of them. We're gearing up to shoot them down with an airborne laser before they even clear the country of origin.

-- Suggested by Andrew McHattie

August 31, 2001: Dude, Launch Me a Cold One

Ever have a project needing work but you just had to finish this one other thing before you could do anything else? Simon Jansen, he of the ASCII-animated Star Wars, got tired of warm beer while working in his shed and so has built the world's first jet powered beer cooler. Makes you proud to be a New Zealander.

August 17, 2001: The Romans Were Half-Right

The games being played out are actually Blood and Circuses according to Ground Zero. How do you play? You're playing right now. What are the rules? That would take all the fun out of it. Who are your opponents? It could be the guy next to you.

-- Suggested by Michael Feld

August 10, 2001: Culture Crash

Drying paint takes a backseat to the moment-by-moment drama that is crustal formation. Amusements: The Continental Drift Cam gives regular updates on the movement of our landmasses. It looks like a collision with Asia is inevitable, but Africa is coming up fast.

-- Suggested by McRey Moyer

August 3, 2001: Reality is What You Can Piece Together

The dead, including some of the former royal houses of Europe, have possessed the living to create a book and a web page revealing to us The Truth of Reality (Leeza Gibbons' past life has lent a hand as well in between music and entertainment gigs). Find a dimension to match your outfit, beware Andy Taylor and the Catholic Church, and don't forget to pick up a T-shirt.

July 6, 2001: Just a Little Hint? Pleeease?

They say three can keep a secret if two of them are dead. The Disclosure Project has gone above and beyond the call by listing dozens of stories from UFO eyewitnesses in hopes of getting the government to come clean about aliens. If you've got a congressman, they want your help.

-- Suggested by David Cunnius

June 22, 2001: "Did Not!" "Did Too!"

Every fantastic phenomenon has its skeptics. Now every skeptic has his critic. It's getting to be a shoving match on the Internet, and the bell for the latest round has been rung on PsyZone. Folks like James Randi take it on the chin, and Winston Wu offers his refutation of the scientific method.

-- Suggested by Brett Slocum

June 15, 2001: Which Part of "Be Prepared" Didn't You Understand?

Science is always fun until someone gets irradiated. Dangerous Laboratories is all in favor of combining learning and entertainment, but all it takes is one mad scientist Boy Scout to spoil nuclear materials for the rest of us.

-- Suggested by Sean Dalziel

June 8, 2001: The Goddess Must Have Seen Him Coming First

Is it Discordian wisdom hidden in poetry, or the ravings of a disenfranchised artist? Only his webmaster knows for sure.

-- Suggested by Jonathan Vasque

June 1, 2001: We Shall Eat them in the Kitchen, in the Dining Room

The indignities suffered by marshmallow peeps in the pursuit of scientific truth were but a prelude to war. Now the hardy little candies are getting their marching orders in Peep War, a tabletop game that pits the glutinous chicks and their jellified soldiery in no-holds-barred battle. History is written by the winners, and the losers get eaten.

-- Suggested by Rus Hall

May 25, 2001: What is Behind You is Vitally Important

Whether you're a fan of dangerous cop shows or you're just planning on having friends back home videotape your flight from justice, PursuitWatch offers you quick access to car chases across the nation. Sign up and they'll page you any time there's a televised pursuit in your area.

-- Andy

May 18, 2001: You Must be This Tall to Hunt Bigfoot

Feeling the South was getting short shrift, the Gulf Coast Bigfoot Research Organization was formed to point the Bigfoot-hunting spotlight at the southern states.
The GCBRO has databases of sightings for the 50 states, Australia, and the rest of the world. They also have a site dedicated to weird stuff.

-- Suggested by Josh Marquart

May 11, 2001: For the Junior Harper's Set

Recalling the finer publications of yesteryear, Timothy McSweeney's reminds us of a time when bands played in gazebos and kids rolled hoops down the streets. It then delves into advertising for the Great Old Ones and regales us with tales from Traig & McGrath, shut-in detectives.

-- Suggested by Richard Guy

May 4, 2001: There's a Sucker Sold Every Minute

Modern medicine is all about speed: the faster you act, the better the patient's chances are. It should come as no small relief, then, that Leeches U.S.A. Ltd. can FedEx leeches to you. Housing is available, should your long-term needs demand a leech mobile home. Be aware: Users should be professionals, and the leeches are non-returnable.

-- Suggested by Steve Jackson

April 27, 2001: Arlington is So Last Century

Grave matters seem to weigh heavily on Richard A. Slezak's mind. Oh, sure, you can find Spooky Concentration and the Elizabethan Curse Generator at The Minotaur's Labyrinth, but the big thrust seems to be graves and graveyards. See how your local boneyard stacks up against the best the City by the Bay has to offer.

-- Suggested by Paul Dickey

April 20, 2001: Falsehoods Are Job One

If the job market dries up, don't blame the president, blame the kindly, soft-spoken creatures that inhabit Bogus Bay. They're the ones locking up all the good jobs with hysterically less-than-plausible résumés.

April 13, 2001: Oh, You'll Lose Weight, All Right

April 6, 2001: The Real Thing Wouldn't Fit in Your Mailbox

If you have a yen to collect the treasures of history, no time-tripping is necessary. You can stay in your own era and have Design Toscano produce a wide variety of falcon statues, to-scale King Tut sarcophagi, and replicas of Stonehenge as it appeared thousands of years ago. And if their talent pool has that kind of information, you can be sure delivery will be no problem.

-- Suggested by Rus Hall

March 30, 2001: Take Two Bytes and Call Me in the Morning

Psionic healing is a mouse-click away. US Psionics is offering the healing power of their Cybershaman computer program at discount prices, and the science of radionics is just one of their ongoing research projects.

-- Suggested by Dwellyn Myrddin

March 23, 2001: William Christopher Holley, Super-Genius

The recession must have already hit if Mr. Holley can't find a decent job. If your beleaguered tech start-up or ailing dot-com needs a pick-me-up, go to his Genius site. Or if you need astrological advice. Or Las Vegas odds.

-- Suggested by Indiana Banzai

March 16, 2001: Who Do These Guys Climb Over on the Way to the Top?

FEMA's secret plan for government control. Interview with the alien. Experimental everything. All their information is Above Top Secret, but much of it may be over your head anyway.

-- Suggested by Scott Case

March 9, 2001: Let's See You Cross the Velvet Rope

If your travel agent tells you she's sending you to a vacation hot spot, take heed: Although no one is likely to steal the exhibits from any of the sites listed at The Bureau of Atomic Tourism, the displays may be the only things feeling safe.

-- Suggested by Murray M. Lee

March 2, 2001: Building Elf-Esteem

If you feel somehow out of place in this world, you aren't alone. You may just be Otherkin's kind of people. Your odds are pretty good, in fact, given the variety of people with whom they feel kinship. Fairies, angels and more unite, and sign the guestbook.

-- Suggested by John Crimmins

February 23, 2001: Buy the Lies of the Silvery Moon

Looks like NASA has been breaking a few laws, starting with those of physics. You've heard the rumors about our falsified trips to the moon, but you also know in this day and age you can't expect people to see past a conspiracy's lies without the video companion. James A. Collier's Was it Only a Paper Moon? thrusts the lunar sham into the cold light of day.

-- Suggested by Steve Jackson

February 16, 2001: Barking to Prozac

Pet feeling down? Not sure what's troubling him? Talk to Georgina Cyr, Animal Communicator -- or rather, have her talk to you pooch, cat or turtle. Find out how life is treating your best friend, and if it's not good news, she'll tell you how you can change it for the better.

-- Suggested by Ron Ullrich

February 9, 2001: Satan Has Sold Out

He's so plastic. A tool. At soulXchange, they still know the value of a dolla...er, a soul. Buy 'em, trade 'em and sell 'em. There are no fees, which is a good thing. After all, some people don't have $8 a trade, but everyone's got a soul.

-- Suggested by Genevieve Cogman

February 2, 2001: Badgers? We Don't Need No...Oh, Never Mind

But if you do need them, It's a Badger! seems to have quite a surplus.

-- Suggested by Chris Badger

January 26, 2001: Coming for Christmas 2001

You can develop all the IR goggles and robot warriors and nanotech viruses you want, but the future of warfare is clear: throwing 2" x 4"s into your enemy's steel butt.

-- Suggested by Diane Donaldson

January 19, 2001: Just Forward Their Mail - You'll Sleep Better

According to Maryland's SunSpot online news service, real-estate juggling has resulted in some astronomers getting a former National Security Agency spy station in the forests of North Carolina. The need for an isolated bowl-shaped valley was peculiar to both groups; the high-security doors, sophisticated plumbing, enormous radar dishes and enough power to keep Disneyland alight were just a bonus. As for how the new owners discovered their windows were bulletproof . . .

-- Suggested by Beth McCoy

January 12, 2001: If It's Not One Thing, It's Another

The Earth is hollow; why else wouldn't it weigh more? There's a man with cosmic top secret clearance who's about three dozen levels too low on the totem pole to give you the full truth about aliens. And the Pyramids? Forget them. The real secret lies in a tunnel under the Sphinx, starship designs no doubt carved on the walls. No matter how strange you think it gets, you just don't get it. Think About It.

How does this organization intend to put out the word about this dangerous new device? They're going to build one - and use it.

-- Suggested by Keith Johnson

December 22, 2000: Where the Action Is

Spotting a flying saucer is all about playing the odds. Does that mean you have to wait around in the desert, a slave to Area 51's weird magnetism? Not at all. The National UFO Reporting Center can tell you who's seen what, where they saw it and what it looked like. Gear your voyeurism to your tastes. Then again, if you like the desert, you can play the odds there, too: Las Vegas has had over 40 sightings of its own.

-- Suggested by Brett Slocum

December 15, 2000: Send Christmas Coconuts Early

And skis and teeth and bottled water. If you're not sure whether your more unusual gift choices will get there in time - or at all - check out HotAIR's Postal Experiments. Jeff Van Bueren has sent it all for you, and listed the surprisingly competent results.

Eh, you've probably got a better shot with one of your kissing cousins at the illuminated Monkey Hot or Not?

-- Suggested by Brandon

December 1, 2000: Far Out. No, Farther.

Silicon Graphics, Inc. recalls a little of the chaos of the 60s with lavarand, a groovy system for plucking random numbers out of lava lamps.

-- Suggested by Wayne West

November 24, 2000: Cold Turkey

Adbusters takes everything sitting down. The only use they see for shopping centers is mall walking; beyond that, they want consumers to think twice about their spending habits. Consumerism, they claim, is out of control, and a cornerstone of their non-financial empire is the annual post-Thanksgiving Buy Nothing Day, aimed at the busiest shopping day of the year.

-- Suggested by Clark D. Rodeffer

November 17, 2000: If Only We Had Known

The Nobody for President
site would have come in handy this year. Consider it a cautionary tale you
can use next election, assuming we finish this one.

-- Suggested by Curtis

November 10, 2000: They're Watching Me, and I Have the Receipt to Prove It

What do you do if you can't afford the designer fragrance? You buy
generic, of course. Since aliens don't have time to abduct everyone,
anyone looking for a close encounter with EBEs need go no further than Alien Abductions Incorporated.
They'll work with you to instill the baffling and frightening fragments of
memory, and for a modest upgrade they'll provide claustrophobic
surveillance, alien abduction encounter groups, a lecture circuit...the sky's the limit, but now you're on the
outside looking in.

-- Suggested by Timothy McDowell

November 3, 2000: IllSotW: Kind of Puts that Dental Appointment in Perspective

October 27, 2000: And There, On the Door, Was a Hook

Or a choking Doberman. Or something.

Pick your urban legend. All your favorites (and a few you may not have
heard) are here. Sex, drugs and Disney flicks rule at The San Fernando Valley Folklore Society's
Urban Legends Reference Pages. Fun, queer, creepy, spooky, and they
have your Hallowe'en horrors covered. Unlike other sites of its kind, it's
even clean and easy to read. Don't believe it? Hey, that's how these
things get started.

-- Suggested by Clangador

October 20, 2000: If You Don't Like the Way I Drive, Stay Off the Lawn

We'll raise a lesser species up to our level yet; we've already taught the
insect kingdom road rage. The MyoElectric Locust - M.E.L.
- is ready to take it to the streets. From there, can SUVs be far
behind?

-- Suggested by Charles Collin

October 13, 2000: Enlightenment, Line 3

All the secrets of the universe have been laid bare. It just happens to
sound a lot like a Crazy Drunk
Guy. Most of it is about Jack Webb, but you probably figured that much
out on your own.

-- Suggested by McRey B. Moyer

October 6, 2000: Stegosaur For Sale

A few weeks ago, I wrote about Henry Lim's Lego Stegosaurus sculpture. Well, he's put it on Ebay. As I write, the price is at $1,000, with no bids yet -- and he estimates shipping at $1,500 or so -- but still, when you consider what this would be worth as a museum exhibit . . .

I am already violently jealous of the eventual buyer.

September 29, 2000: The Ick Files

A little learning is a dangerous thing, but a lot of learning about
Cthulhu and company is downright hysterical. The file cabinets are filled
to overflowing with dossiers, gossip and green ooze at S-P-O-N-G-E. They'll only tell you
what you need to know if you join, and by then it's too late.

-- Suggested by Mr. Hanzan

September 22, 2000: Discounts for Patrons Over 30

Applied Digital Solutions is watching your back -- and holding your hand.
Their Digital Angel may soon be
implanted in citizens everywhere, carrying all their vital information in
a whole new kind of "palm" pilot. Imagine: Your health, your safety, your
finances, all in the palm of your hand. And you in the palm of
theirs...
-- Suggested by Robert Schulz

September 15, 2000: The Second Coming...and the Third...and the Fourth...

In this day and age of cloning, Judgment Day is tailor-made. Since Christ
was so careless with his body and blood, The Second Coming Project is taking
the DNA wherever they can find it and cranking out a savior. You can
contribute - or find out more about the Biblical basis for these plans -
at their site.

-- From multiple submissions

September 8, 2000: Dignity for Sale, Going Cheap

On-line auctions are all the rage, and disturbingauctions has all
the outrage. No reasonable offer is refused for some of the travesties
listed on this site, mostly because any offer is generous indeed.

-- Suggested by Rev. Karl Musser

August 18, 2000: Silent, Deadly, Delicious

You've gotta respect people that will kill or die to get your order to
you. Ninja Burger,
the on-line restaurant, guarantees on-time delivery. You know what you
want, but they know where you live.

-- Suggested by Andy Fix

Friday August 11, 2000: Nyah-Nyah, Can't Abduct Me!

A cosmic game of one-upmanship is raging between humans and aliens, but who's zeroing in on whom? The aliens know where to find their abductees, so Stop Alien Abductions tells you how to build a thought-screen helmet to block their telepathic control. How do the aliens fight back? They steal our helmets.

-- Suggested by Charles Oines

Friday August 4, 2000: The Secret Toy Surprise Inside

Hold on, Charlie Brown, don't throw that rock out just yet. Crack that bad boy open...you may have one of those genuine Out of Place Artifacts. People find the oddest things set in stone. Is this the work of time travelers? Phasing technology? Or perhaps some practical joker just thinks rocks are too dull.

-- Suggested by Rus Hall

Friday July 28, 2000: Hot Tracks from the Cold War

And the hits just keep on coming! Unexplained tones, strange voices and enigmatic messages flood "numbers stations," radio signals anyone with a shortwave can pick up. Once they were the purview of spies and moles. So why, now that the Cold War is frozen solid, do these rogue transmissions continue unregulated? The Conet Project is only the tip of the iceberg; sister site The Numbers Game has the audio evidence.

Friday July 21, 2000: "Dinner, Will Robinson!"

Friday July 14, 2000: Just What's in Those Scooby Snacks?

Scooby-Doo's quarry turns out to be yet another mundane con artist...or is it a double-blind? Is it harmless but hokey animation, or is our favorite Great Dane an occult demagogue?

-- Suggested by Bill Hamilton

Friday July 7, 2000: ...Does Whatever a Goat Can?

Cool though it would be to see New York City protected by a web-slinging goat, Nexia Biotechnologies didn't have crime prevention in mind when they stuck spider genes in a pair of goats. The goats, so the story goes, will now produce web silk in their milk for ballistic and medicinal purposes.

Friday June 30, 2000: The Best Site Since Sliced Bread

Sanitize your egg or the bird that laid it. Drink from your hairbrush or preserve your dead aunt. If modern technology doesn't meet your needs, don't get bent out of shape (the nose shaper will fix that up), go retro and try one of the...unique...inventions for which people have gotten patents. Patent attorney Michael J. Colitz, Jr. trots out some of the strangest innovations on the Wacky Patent of the Month site. He deserves a pat on the back...and the site has a device for that, too.

-- Andy

Friday June 23, 2000: The Toughest S.O.B. in the Valley

Beware, for the Nephilim still walk the Earth. The Bible says they're giant fallen angels, and if The Nephilim Resistance Task Force has its way, they're going to fall again - hard. If the prayer doesn't get you, the HK-91 will.

-- Suggested by Larry Hassenpflug

Friday June 16, 2000: You've Stayed Your Hour

If you hate out-of-town guests, Instructions for Meeting Time Travellers is probably just a recipe for disaster. For anyone fascinated by the possibility of being called upon by citizens of some future society, it's an open invitation to time travelers to come say "Howdy." Fish and visitors stink after three days, but these folks can leave before they arrive.

-- Suggested by Joe Kisenwether

Friday June 9, 2000: First Bank of Zuul

Early withdrawal? Don't even think about it.

It may not be non-Euclidean geometry - it may not even be a bank - but whatever brisk business they do here, you don't want any part of it. These images from author and journalist James Lileks' yearly trip to New York City have caught...well, angels in the architecture aren't usually that creepy.

-- Suggested by Stefan Jones

Friday June 2, 2000: One Jerk on One End of the Line...

If fishing is dull, it's not your bait...it's your quarry. Spice up outdoor recreation by going after a target with a sporting chance. Squirrel fishing pits you against - what else? - the wily squirrel. There may come a day when this becomes an organized sport, and it looks like Austin squirrels are leading the pack against Harvard University.

-- Suggested by Art Fish

Friday May 26, 2000: "You now face -- the Cobalt Hillbilly!"

Or something disturbingly like it, but don't worry, the Happy Flower Chimp will end his reign of terror. Lee's (Useless) Super-Hero Generator provides the world with an endless supply of super-
beings on both sides of the law. A few choices randomly determine your weapons, powers and equipment. Make single supers or whole teams. The only question: is it the heroes or the generator that's useless? The Cobalt Hillbilly certainly strikes fear in our hearts ...

-- Suggested by Dave Walsh

Friday May 19, 2000: Meating of the Minds

Science marches on, right into the neighbor's yard where the stinkymeat team has left their science project: a plate of raw meat. Like a traffic accident from which you cannot turn away, the stinkymeat scientists provide a day-by-day account of the slow disintegration of the meat and their gag reflexes. Scarier than the Blair Witch Project, with pictures not for the faint of heart.

-- Suggested by Pete Knight

Friday May 12, 2000: How to Succeed in Business

Heavy security is the price of doing business these days. Joining ICC Commercial Crime Services offers a number of perks and allays a multitude of fears. Training, counterfeit detection and cyber-protection are just a few of the many tools it uses to smooth your road to riches.

Friday May 5, 2000: Five Minutes, Mr. Noone

Today's the day, so if you're reading this while sitting hip-deep in water, you know Richard W. Noone knew what he was talking about in his famous book 5/5/2000 - Ice: The Ultimate Disaster. Since the mid-80s, Noone has been warning us of the planetary alignment that will destroy the polar ice caps. You've had 14 years worth of heads-up, and it's time to pay the piper.

-- Andy

Friday April 28, 2000: Shakespeare Done Right

Infinite monkeys never shine so bright as when they're hard at work on a good sonnet. SIMI - the Search for Intelligent Monkeys on the Internet - is underway, setting infinite (well, 100) simian Shakespeares to write at random with every click of your mouse. If you get something worthwhile, let the webmasters know.

-- Suggested by Michael Dinsmore

Friday April 21, 2000: And Here John Steinbeck Thought He'd Get Away With It

The Alcatraz breakout. The Kennedys. Mobsters. God bless the Freedom of Information Act of 1966, because the FBI is spilling its electronic guts. After 35 years of requests they've created a FAQ, a "reading room
" full of their most popular tidbits. Be careful what you ask for -- the FOIA just might get it for you.

-- Suggested by Chris Goodwin

Friday April 14, 2000: It Was Fun While It Lasted

All good things must come to an end. But hey, we'll still see each other, right?

-- Suggested by Robert Schulz

Friday April 7, 2000: What a Piece of Work is Man

But an upgrade wouldn't kill you. DARPA is taking proposals for Exoskeletons for Human Performance Augmentation. The Department of Defense wants soldiers to run faster, jump higher and work longer, and if you know anything about haptic interfaces, your Uncle Sam needs you.

-- Suggested by Kyle Bieneman

Friday March 31, 2000: A Site For Unlawful Cyborg Killbots

The surreptitious overthrow of mankind by cyborg duplicates is further advanced than we suspected. The AIEEE engine at Brunching Shuttlecocks will help you determine who the robots among us are. Another illuminated triumph -- we think the Synthetic Technician Engineered for Violence and Exploration will be pleased.

-- Suggested by Ciaran Conliffe

Friday March 24, 2000: The Prince Albert Gag will be Missed

Will Hertes seems to have a lot of time on his hands, time he fills up by writing twisted prank letters to corporations and notable individuals across America. Then he takes their unsuspecting responses and kills some more time posting them on the Internet for amusement. His or ours? Who can say?

-- Suggested by John Haire

Friday March 17, 2000: Anti-Christ Antivirus

Christianity Meme maintains the religion is a mental disease, spread by proselytization. Is there a cure? Find out before you become a heavenly host.

-- Suggested by Don Baker

Friday March 10, 2000: International Cuisine

Step aside, Jimmy Carter. Doing its part for global understanding is the I Can Eat Glass Project. They're dedicated to collecting the phrase "I can eat glass, it doesn't hurt me" in as many languages as possible.

-- Suggested by Scott Nickell

Friday March 3, 2000: Pleasant Dreams

Friday February 25, 2000: Bill's Buying...for the Next 221,917.81 Centuries

Hard to wrap your head around, isn't it? The Bill Gates Net Worth Page puts the billionaire's finances in perspective in a variety of amusing and sometimes frightening ways. How much can he spend a second? How much Evander Holyfield can he eat? And what is he worth right now?

-- Suggested by Ross Jepson

Friday February 18, 2000: Man in Yellow Hat Denies Involvement

Too much attention from grade-schoolers will get to anyone, and when it does, they'll snap. Witness the fate of poor Furious George, a shell of his former self. Help George navigate the country, robbing
banks, hot wiring cars and shooting for the high score as you go.

-- Suggested by Drew Johnson

Friday February 11, 2000: Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me

Remember when they switched calendars and the peasants revolted, demanding to get back their "lost days"? You do? Just how old are you?

If the rest of us want to be part of history, we can sign the petition to end daylight-saving time. Wake up, people. DST kills, and the life you save may be your own.

-- Andy

Friday February 4, 2000: It'll All End in Tears

Been a long day? All hope is gone? Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy some cool merchandise about your alternatives from the pessimistic purveyors at Despair, Inc.

-- Suggested by Robert J. MacDonald

Friday January 28, 2000: Conservation of Conspiracy

When they're all out to get you, your day can fill up fast: changing buses, dodging metal detectors, renting P.O. boxes. Now, for the theorist on the go, intricate plots - all of them - come in this quick, easy-to-digest article from Brunching Shuttlecocks.

-- From multiple submissions

Friday January 14, 2000: It's Very, Very Black

Check out conspiracy.com . . . but don't tell them where you found out about it.

Friday January 7, 2000: Curses, Foiled Again, Eh?

You wouldn't think from looking at all those benign, smiling faces that Canada could field a cutthroat group of spies, and you'd be right. According to All Things Considered, they've been lax of late, letting little things get in the way of the finer points of international espionage.

-- Suggested by John Dunn

Friday December 31, 1999: Give in to Our Marketing, Young Skywalker

You no longer have to accept the lesser of two evils. When one empire clashes with another, it just makes good economic sense to merge the two, and Microsith is your best - some might say only - choice for world domination.

-- Suggested by Joe Hacker

Friday December 24, 1999: Fill in the Blank Has It in for Me

If you're not sure how all the illuminated pieces fit together...well, that's how it's supposed to be. But if your curiosity gets the better of you, enter the pawn in question into the conspire
database and they'll put it in context for you. Just remember, it's as much as your life is worth.

-- Suggested by Timothy Long

Friday December 17, 1999: Paranoia is Always in Season

Huey Freeman, star of The Boondocks, is dreaming of a black ops Christmas. Watch as he slowly puts together the pieces of Santa's conspiracy, starting with the December 6th installment in the Washington Post.

-- Suggested by multiple submitters

Friday December 10, 1999: It's Not Nice to Spam the Secret Masters

We have all of us at one time or another wished all manner of misery on spammers. Leave it to the Grand Overseers to take the cruelest route: public humiliation. The MMF Hall of Humiliation picks apart spam and ridicules the authors mercilessly. They even keep score, the fiends.

-- Suggested by J. Adams

Friday December 3, 1999: ZenMOO

Every so often, someone on the Pyramid MOO complains of all the idling, and accuses us of being a Zen MOO. Well, maybe, but we don't hold a candle to the real Zen MOO. Zen MOO is one of the oldest MOOs online (it officially opened Feb. 14, 1993), and is still going strong. It's obviously an Illuminated sort of place, too. The goal is not to talk or explore, but simply to meditate. Where else can you be rewarded for idling?

Friday November 26, 1999: Location, Location, Location

The moon is for sale - parts of it, anyway. The same holds true for Mars, Venus and some other less fashionable properties. How? Loopholes, just like here on Earth. The UN blew it, and now you can clean up. The Lunar Embassy tells you how to do it right. All the procedures and legalese are spelled out for you; stake your claim now.

-- Suggested by Mark A. Schmidt

Friday November 19, 1999: Ed Sullivan Would Have Loved It

Remember robofly, the microbot being developed at Berkeley? Cornell University reports that the next logical step has already been taken: they have a microguitar the size of a red blood cell. Now if we can engineer tiny beetles for those axes...

-- Suggested by Adam vanLangenberg

Friday November 12, 1999: An Ounce of Vacation, a Compound to be Sure

We all know the Y2K bug is only end-of-the-millenium jitters, but just in case...

Y2k Paradise guarantees you, your friends and your family carefree living for the first three months of the year 2000. Scenic New Zealand, site of the inaugural sunrise of the new millenium, offers all the amenities and none of the hassles of vying for the last container of water at the supermarket. And how much does security cost? Let's talk.

-- Suggested by Micah Jackson

Friday October 29, 1999: Here It Comes to Save the Day!

How are we supposed to build a better mousetrap when science keeps making better mice? Recent experiments by scientists are making smarter rodents than ever before, as this news story will attest. Eventually, they may design animals that are too smart to let us experiment on them.

-- Suggested by Glenn Crawford

Friday October 22, 1999: Traffic is Hell Around the Holidays

The next time a friend complains about driving you to the airport, remind them how the Greys must feel. They have almost a dozen bases on Earth and that many more on Mars and the Moon. Alien Bases on Earth saves Rand McNally the trouble of translating Andromedan maps by letting us know where the bases are, what they do and how many slaves the aliens can count on for a ride.

-- Suggested by Scott D. Raun

Friday October 15, 1999: This Time, Australia Will Be Ready for It

No more getting smacked over the head by unexpected space debris. J-Track checks to see what's in orbit and where it is. A good way to know when the sky is falling. If there's an Internet left at New Year's, this will be one busy site.

-- Suggested by Rob Knight

Friday October 8, 1999: Another Man's Moccasins

They used to say the most interesting trip you can take is inside your own mind. That's no longer strictly true. Here's a new kind of vacation: JM Incorporated has exclusive access to a portal allowing them to place your consciousness into another man's -- or woman's -- body. See what they see, hear what they hear. But like any vacation, you should make your reservations today. Hosts are subject to availability, and it's first come, first served.

-- Andy

Friday October 1, 1999: You Can't Handle the Tooth!

The days of the Red Scare are over, so anyone who wants to claim there's something suspicious in our water is going to have to put their money where our mouths are. John N. Maguire III does that in his essay, Fluoride's Effect on Your Brain. Maguire examines in depth the uses, the myths and what the fluoridators are really trying to do.

-- Suggested by Bud Kourik

Friday September 24, 1999: There Are More Things on the Internet, Horatio

Sharks can't get skin cancer, but they can help us fight disease. Flies will sleep upside down so soundly you can vacuum them up, and we still don't know how they fly. Spheres of stone, balls of dark matter, economics, religion and statistics. Is all of t
his weird but true or just truly weird? Find out for yourself.

-- Suggested by J.T. Benton

Friday September 17, 1999: Batteries Not Included

It's all here: electronics, lasers, bionics, time travel and pyrotechnics. There's no branch of science Future Horizons won't explore, expand or exploit. Order a working model or get the plans and build your own. Whether you intend to enter the next millenium with a bang, a hum or a high-pitched whine, they're on all the cutting edges.

-- Suggested by Chaad

Friday September 10, 1999: The Toxicology Report Is Pending

What do you do when your Furby dies? Perform an autopsy, of course. The Furby Autopsy takes you step by step through a dissection of the popular animated plush toy, and includes several photos of the grim process.

-- Suggested by Stefan Jones

Friday September 3, 1999: Back to Basics

Nothing like the tried and true to stoke the fires of paranoia. The Universal Conspiracy Against Everything neatly outlines the deceitful depths to which the Secret Masters' plot descends. The links alone
will keep your browser humming for hours.

-- Suggested by Bob Schroeck

Friday August 27, 1999: He Snips, He Scores!

You've played it on playgrounds, you've played it to decide on movies, restaurants and video rentals. Now here's your chance to prove you've really got what it takes: go pro! The World Rock Paper Scissors League wants you. Play anywhere, watch your ranking go up, learn new battlecries. And don't forget to brush up on your skills and etiquette with the Official Rock Paper Scissors Strategy Guide, complete with computer opponent.

-- Suggested by Chris Murphy and David Edelstein

Friday August 20, 1999: Live from Downtown Dallas: Dealey Plaza Cam

The Sixth Floor Museum, located in the former Texas School Book Depository in Dallas, Texas, has sealed off Lee Harvey Oswald's sniper's perch behind a wall of glass. You can still see the view and draw your own conclusions about the assassination through the Dealey Plaza Cam, a live view from behind the partition. The museum itself is available for tours, research and private functions.

-- Suggested by Craig Schulthess

Friday August 20, 1999: Hampsterdance

Friday August 13, 1999: "They Say Money Talks...

"...all mine ever says is goodbye." Well, Red Skelton didn't have Where's George?, a site that tracks your currency as it wanders across the United States. Now your cash writes home. Sign up, and 17,000 fellow money monitors will let you know if and when they've spotted one of your bills. Find out where they go and how fast they get there.

-- Suggested by Nathan Kottke

Friday August 6, 1999: People Are Dying to Get On-Line

Do you know where Mata Hari is buried? How about Yuri Gagarin's cause of death? And what's inscribed on H.P. Lovecraft's headstone? Find A Grave will tell you. Whether you're into grave rubbings or grave robbing, a
fan of history or Harry Keogh, Find A Grave is a fascinating tour of the resting places of the famous and infamous worldwide.

The site is plenty searchable, and most entries have graphics of the markers and memorials.

-- Suggested by Robert Schulz

Friday July 30, 1999: The Wave of the Future

Attention, would-be time travelers: Steven L. Gibbs is offering time machines at cut-rate prices. $360 puts you in the driver's seat of a Hyper-Dimensional Resonator, allowing you to mentally travel through time. (You can use it for physical travel only in areas where UFOs have been spotted.)

If the price is a little steep, you can score a number of books from the order form that will let you build your own time machines, time portals and Tesla-coil conversions. You can even learn the secrets of the Philadelphia Experiment, no naval destroyer required.

-- Suggested by Reid Simmons

Friday July 23, 1999: The Dog...er, Reptile Days of August

The royal family's ills are just beginning, it seems, and the results will drag us all down with them. According to Arizona Wilder, former human sacrificer, it's all prelude to August 11-13, when we will see the gates of hell opened at Giza. On the Day of Hecate, negative energy will infuse the world's ley lines, our collective third eyes will be closed, and...well, read about it for yourself at David Icke's site.

Although the news is bleak (and only gets worse six months from now), Icke says we can fight back, and to stop it all you need is love.

-- Suggested by Eduardo Cavazos

Friday July 16, 1999: When "Mostly Harmless" Just Won't Do

This ambitious site is trying to make Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy a reality. There are limits, of course - book-sized computers that can hold it all don't exist yet, and most of the entries will be pretty Earthcentric - but we do have towels, and you can even take part in the Guide's development. They take submissions for any subject, large or small, you care to pontificate on.

-- Suggested by Denis Sarrazin

Friday July 9, 1999: The miracles of modern technology.

Whatever your involvement with computers, we all rely on the same tool when working with this temperamental medium: prayer. If you've ever lost a file, the Daioh Temple of Daioh Mountain can sympathize.
As technology increases and information of all kinds becomes ever more digital, they have decided to hold an annual Buddhist prayer for lost information.

The site also offers insights into Buddhist philosophy and is available in Japanese.

-- Suggested by Jeff Wilson

Friday July 2, 1999: Fear of public speaking has paralysed the economy of Ghana.

That's a joke, of course. Actually, it's a bald-faced lie, one of many to be ferreted out and collected in Dave's Web of Lies. The Internet is full of hoaxes and scams, and this site tries to nail them all. They make every effort to ensure not one word they post has a shred of truth to it, but everyone makes mistakes, so feel free to submit your own fables, falsehoods and prevarications.

-- Suggested by Mark Bassett

Friday June 25, 1999: If you can't baffle them with brilliance...

...befuddle them with the Postmodernism Generator. Andrew C. Bulhak's program uses the Dada Engine to randomly create an essay so confusing and oblique, even the most posturing professor will assume you're a genius.

-- Suggested by Patrick Anders and Phil Anderson

Friday June 18, 1999: Reply fnordy, ask again later

If you've ever wondered how the Illuminated Site of the Week is selected, shake up Erik Dewey's site and gaze through the smoky bottom. Our methods are similar, though not quite as scientific.

-- Suggested by Bud Kourik

Friday June 11, 1999: Phasers on fund-raising, Mr. Spock

American Inventor Eric Herr may have found his backer for an honest-to-goodness phaser in Britain's Ministry of Defense. The ministry wants to issue it to police
and peacekeeping forces. The freeze ray, as they are calling it, would incapacitate criminals and rioters at 100 meters without injury by paralyzing the voluntary muscles. It's expected to cost $500,000 to make his patent prototype a reality. Any takers?

-- Suggested by Kira

Friday June 4, 1999: Illumismurfed Site of the Smurf

Their little blue faces have haunted your dreams since you were a tyke.
The wounds may have faded, but the scars are all over your browser when
you plug a URL into The Incredible
Smurfalizer. The diabolical Smurfalizer alters that page so it mimicks
the Smurfs' infuriating speech patterns.

Friday May 28, 1999: Star Wars in ASCII-mation

If you're tired of standing in line for The Phantom Menace, why not stay
home and enjoy the original? There's nothing like a classic, especially
when it's rendered in stunning
ASCII-Mation! Requires Java 1.1 (hint for Mac 8.0+ users: use the
Apple Applet runner).

Friday May 21, 1999:

Sounds great! You first.

They contend people are the biggest problem on the planet, and the only sane and humane way to save it from us is to remove ourselves by simply letting the species die out.

Possible? Sure. Feasible? Seems so. Likely? Depends how long you want to wait in line at Disneyland.

-- Suggested by Reid Simmons

Saturday May 15, 1999: The Conpass x1280

Remember the scanner that pinpointed Arnold Schwarzeneggar's pistol in "Total Recall"? We're one step closer to colonizing Mars, thanks to americansecurity.net and its Conpass x1280. It will X-ray fully clothed people in 10 seconds, and with less radiation than they receive on an hour-long plane flight. americansecurity.net can also plant a package scanner on your floor or desktop, and it has plenty of other scary devices like chemical sniffers and bomb blankets. The future's so bright, you gotta wear lead.

-- Suggested by Myles

Friday May 7, 1999: "Would you like to play a game?"

Click and cover! It's not a question of
whether or not to run for the hills when the Big Flash arrives, but of
how far to go. The Nuclear Blast Mapper lets you enter a location and
bomb size, then shows you how far the blast radius will reach. Is that
old coal mine far enough away from ground zero? Wonder no longer.
Other educational tidbits include tips for teachers, historical
footage of bomb blasts and a panic quiz.

Suggested by Dan Simpson

Friday April 30, 1999: "Wait your turn, please, Ms. Dion."

Scott Glazer offers up his views on a variety of wellsprings for evil - Andie MacDowell, the Spin Doctors, France - in a sly and backhandedly illuminated way. He's also side-splittingly funny, a rarity on the Internet these days, especially for someone on the front lines of the Eternal Struggle.

I know who my money's on; the maddening cry of "Tekeli-li!" isn't so fearsome when it's revealed to be Mr. McPheeny, the greedy farmhand. Fred, Shaggy and Velma are on the case, armed with Scooby-Snacks and the trusty Mystery Machine...Herbert West has met his campy match. Zoinks!

Site suggested by Janice Sellers.

Knowledge is Power

And weird knowledge is weird power. The "Cool Fact of the Day" mailing list has almost 100,000 subscribers. It's just what the name implies: every day you get an e-mail with a Cool Fact. The nature and degree of coolness of your facts may vary, but it's always literate and generally pretty neat. If that sounds like your cup of tea, visit The Learning Kingdom web page to sign up. They also have lists for "Cool Word of the Day" and "Today in History."

Saturday March 27, 1999: Lies, Damn Lies and Alien Statistics

The Statistics
of Space Aliens page must be a ploy of the UFOs to convince us they
don't exist. The author gives a statistical argument that we are
currently alone in the visible universe. His Bayesian analysis seems to
indicate that we have about a billion years before the next intelligent
civilization appears in this galaxy.

But what if you've seen them?

Submitted by John Guin

Friday March 19, 1999: Holy Chao, Batman!

The Sacred Chao Ranch is a typical Erisian page, full of fnord to stimulate your pineal gland. I especially like the banner ad for the Orbital Mind Control Lasers and Operation Mindfuck.

Go to the Apple Orchard and talk with other Illuminated beings.

Suggested by Hieronymus Jacobin

Friday March 12, 1999: Charles (Fort) in Charge

The Fortean Times, the Journal of Strange Phenomena, has a nicely designed web site. This month's issue has an article on the conspiracy to conceal the location of Noah's Ark, and a profile of the Professor of Transcendental Magic, Eliphas Levi. They've archived articles as well: Did NASA Fake the Apollo Shots?, Bat-Winged Sex Dwarf, Is Santa Really Satan? and more.
Lots to love here.

Friday March 5, 1999: Martha Stewart is a Goth!

The Gothic Martha Stewart site is a humorous take on the ultimate stylemaker of TV fame. It is filled with recipes (try Faux Absinthe), projects (how about Decorative Black Bedsheets), Home Decor Motifs (Cemetary Gothic, anyone?), wedding suggestions (Gothic Weddings on a Budget), and more.

Friday February 26, 1999: The Power of the Mind

The Institute of Noetic Sciences, founded by Apollo 14 astronaut Edgar Mitchell, delves into the power of the human mind and consciousness. They fund research into extraordinary healing, subtle energies and states of consciousness through grants, as well as conferences and publications.

From their web site:

"We are a nonprofit membership organization that both conducts and
sponsors research into the workings and powers of the mind, including
perceptions, beliefs, attention, intention, and intuition. We are bold enough to inquire about phenomena that don't fit into the conventional scientific model."

Friday February 19, 1999: Code to the Universe Broken - Details at 11

Research by "The Code Gang", experts in Archaeocryptography, has revealed the Grand Design of Creation. "The Code of the Ancients" site details their Code System, which ties such places of Mystery as Stonehenge and the Pyramids to the Bible and the Mayan calendar system.

Also, look at the host for this site, Dreams of the Great Earth Changes, which hosts a plethora of other sites and links for such topics as Mythology, Dream Prophecies, The Millennium, UFOs, Conspiracies, Crop Circles, Gardening, and Metaphysics.

Submitted by Jim Taylor

Friday February 12, 1999: Where's an Evil Scientist When You Need One?

Dr. Vulture's Laboratory of Evil Science, one of the Operation Centers of Vulture Industries (their motto: Making Nightmares a Reality is Our Business), has a lovely selection of items, such as Evil Science University, the Evil Survival Guide, the Evil Science Hall of Fame (including Thomas Edison), and Stuff That Keeps Even Evil Scientists Up At Night.

Friday January 29, 1999: Mister Rogers' Neighborhood Watch

Friday January 22, 1999: Waiting to be Abducted?

Are you pining away at home, waiting to be abducted by aliens? Have all your friends been abducted, but you haven't? Just curious about what all this abduction talk is about? Simply bored? Well, the professionals at Alien Abductions, Inc. have the answer for you!

Their trained professional staff will provide you with the memories of an alien abduction so real, you won't be able to tell the difference from your other memories. Problem solved.

So now you too can have fascinating stories to tell at parties, on dates, and to your psychiatrist.

If these are the images they revealed, imagine what was kept hidden by the Secret Masters. It's better than microfilm.

Submitted by David Streeter

Friday January 8, 1999: Anti-Gravity, Anyone?

The folks down at The Enterprise Mission have assembled a wealth of material about those pesky, hidden scientific investigations, like anti-gravity, faces and skyscrapers on Mars, ELF signals, the SETI program, and hyperdimensional physics.

One particularly Illuminated article is
"Kennedy's Grand NASA Plan", which wonders about the mysterious connection between the Pyramids, sacred geometries, the constellation of Orion, and the Apollo Moon landings. Find out about the reason behind a mysterious rite performed on the Moon in Tranquility Base. And why did NASA change the Apollo Program logo after the ill-fated Apollo 13 mission?

-- Submitted by Leroy Van Camp III

Friday December 25, 1998: Omigod! They Killed The Letter Carrier!

Those bastards down at the Disgruntled Postal Workers Zone have a situation on their hands. Just look at the photo on the front page. This site has true news stories of postal mayhem, Disgruntled? buttons, cartoons, and postal fiction.

Some people have time to kill on their hands.

- Submitted by Michel Bélanger

Friday December 18, 1998: 1997 Brewpub Tour of the Confederate States

The folks at the Interdimensional Travel Agency, publishers of
Alternate History Travel Guides, have put together The 1st Interdimensional Beer Tour along with their other extremely useful guides to alternate timelines. Also at this site are ITA Travelogues, Timeline Travel on $25 a Night, Newswires from Alternate Worlds, plus numerous excellent suggestions for places to stay, eat and drink in the multiverse. Read up on the Governor's Mansion in Australia, the 56th State. Visit the burned out shell of the Winter Palace in 1996 Tsarist Russia. Travel with confidence with the ITA's superb advice.

Make your reservations today!

-- Suggested by Mark Ridley

Friday December 11, 1998: Our Lady of Perpetual Deception

The Sacred Disorder of the Enigmata (a faithless, enigmatic alternative to modern day religious conformity) has finally revealed the teachings of the long-forgotten Saint Eural, patroness of charlatans, fakes, quacks and cosmetic surgeons. Here you can find such things as the Apocryphal Psalm of Eural, Meet the Saints, The Enigmatist's Prayer, Confess Your Conformities, and Who Needs Faith When You Can Have a Coupon?

Become a member of the Disorder.

Suggested by Father Ratbite

Friday December 4, 1998: The Disinformation Age

The folks at Disinformation have created an searchable index of alternative news sources for the purpose of bypassing the corporate media sources. Current topics include: Jack Chick (those Christian tract comics you find everywhere), Space Migration, Neo-Fascist youth cults, and Bar Codes. Each topic has an excellent collection of rated web sites associated with it. Just clicking through the Chick Christian Comix parodies alone was well-worth the time.

See Dana do an Alien Autopsy! Watch Mulder drop his cel-phone! Cheer as they kick alien butt!

Submitted by Scott Haring

Friday November 13, 1998: On a Lighter Note: Sluggy Freelance

Sluggy Freelance is a daily
net.comic, including such things as Satan and an Archangel in a Quake
death match; Bun-bun, the evil, talking mini-lop rabbit; and rather more
dimensional travel than is healthy for Our Heroes..

Friday November 6, 1998: The Shadow Government is Here!

The Shadow Government site is
clearly run by the Illuminati, except for the fact that the Illuminati
would never be so public with their plans. Unless, of course, they
really want us to believe that this organization is merely posing as the
Illuminati. I can't tell.

The first two days of their "First 100 Days" plan certainly opens
your eyes to their view of reality.

Friday October 30, 1998: Guided Missile Tour

Kevin Kelm's Site, "The Dark Prince of HTML", features two interesting photo tours, one of a decommissioned Titan I missile complex somewhere in the Midwest, and the other of the Catacombs of Paris. It also contains "My Plans for World Domination", the Church of the Quivering Otter, Phrenology, "How to Serve Ewoks" and more. Amusing and worth a click or ten.

Friday October 23, 1998: Bring Back The Bell

Last week, he quit the talk radio business. Now, rumors are floating around that he might be back on the air as soon as October 30th for his annual ghost show.

I'm talking about Art Bell, the king of High Weirdness by radio, broadcasting two shows (Coast to Coast on weeknights from 10pm to 3am PDT and Dreamlands on Sunday night from 6pm to 9pm PDT) from his remote home studio in the Southwest. His show covers conspiracies, UFOs, Ultra-Tech, time travel, Atlanteans, cattle mutilations, black helicopters, and more.

This site has the schedule for the show, an art gallery, feature articles, a local station search function, and tons of links to relevant web sites. The truth is way out there.

Friday October 16, 1998: UFOs, Stock Crashes, and Zionists, Oh My!

The folks at the Harvest Trust have a whole lot on their plate. They track events in a variety of conspiracy stories, including Majesty 12, Mossad involvement in the OKC bombing, the Intelligence Community, the Global Surveillance System, Waco, and more. Lots of bold, all-caps, and exclamation points.

-- Submitted by Patrick Anders

Friday October 9, 1998: Protect Your Brain!

When working for the Illuminati, you can't always afford expensive, high-tech protection from Orbital Mind Control Lasers, psychic mind-reading, and other forms of intrusive mind control. Enter the Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie home page. This site provides all the information needed to protect your brain.

-- Submitted by Lyle Zapato

Friday October 2, 1998: Cthulhu! Cthulhu! Ra! Ra! Ra!

Miskatonic University has quite the reputation. Nestled in the town of Arkham, Massachusetts, it offers the what no other school can offer . . . tentacled visitors in the night and human sacrifice.

This site has staff lists, admissions forms, course offerings, etc. Everything you need to decide whether Miskatonic is for you.

-- Submitted by Richard Grinnell

Friday September 18, 1998: 10 Shares of the Anti-Christ, Please

The folks at Rapture Ready are waiting for the Lord to take them bodily into heaven. Here you'll find lots of information about the Second Coming, including the Rapture Index. It's kind of like the Nuclear Clock, where they look at various news in the world and determine how close to the Rapture we are.

Friday September 11, 1998: Deadly Animations

Remember the Stick Figure Theatre of Death? Well, the torch has been picked up by the Surrey Stick Figure Theatre of Death. These sickos are very prolific (a dozen movies already posted, and another one every Tuesday), with titles like The Pet, The Check Out, The Stargazer, and the epic The Battle of Hastings!

- Suggested by Kenneth Burnside

Friday September 4, 1998: I Knew Xena Was Historical!

The folks down at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, have a surprise for you: archaeological excavations of a centuar skeleton. The Volos site revealed a full centaur skeleton and some pottery. You may still be able to see the exhibit at the John C. Hodges Library.

Submitted by Steve Jackson

Friday August 28, 1998: We Aren't Talking About Pierced Eyebrows

Here is an personal account of investigations into Cattle Mutilations, including UFOS, black helicopters and more. Lock your barn doors!

- Submitted by Rachel McGregor Rawlings

Friday August 21, 1998: Peeps Science!

In order to discover the strengths and weaknesses of this most ubiquitous lifeform, the folks hosting this web page put Peeps, those bastions of sucrose-intensified Spring celebration, through a rigorous battery of tests. Check it out and see how these little critters held up.

Disclaimer: All Peeps in these studies were volunteers.
Warning! Some Peeps were harmed in these experiments.

- Submitted by Brent Stypczynski

Friday August 14, 1998: I Want My Warp Drive

See what NASA is up to in the area of exotic propulsion systems. This site, titled "Warp Drive When?", explains the physics behind problems of warping space and travelling faster than light.

Friday August 7, 1998: Not Yoda Too!

The Sound Doctrine site discovered the true purpose of the Star Wars movies: recruitment propaganda for Satan!

Make sure you go up to the top level to see some of their other discoveries, such as possessed clones, the evils of Christian rock and television, and the truth behind Catholics.
- Brett Slocum

Friday July 31, 1998: We Can Clone You -- Tomorrow

Maybe Spot or Fluffy are getting a little long in the tooth? Never fear! Get a brand new puppy or kitten that is an exact duplicate!
Clonaid® has a unique service to offer: they will clone you, your spouse, or your pet. Well, for legal reasons, they will start with pets. But once they get their lab built on some Caribbean island where human cloning isn't illegal, you too can be cloned for only $200,000.

This is a venture of The Raëlian Movement, a religion based on the idea that extraterrestrials (the Elohim of the Old Testament) genetically-engineered humans in the distant past.

Submitted by J. Campbell

Friday July 17, 1998: Book Publishers for the Conspiracy

Is there anything that your conspiracy needs? Well, Loompanics, Unlimited probably has a book to tell you how to get it, how to do it, how to make sure no one sees you do it, and if they do see you what to do about it. They publish and sell an enormous variety of books on such topics as fake identification, the underground economy, revenge, home weapon and bomb manufacture, torture, Anarchism, drug manufacture, lockpicking, surveillance, prison survival, and Big Brother.

Friday July 10, 1998: Fight the Illuminati/Grey Conspiracy

EagleNet: Citizens Against the New World Order - that's the title of this mega-mall of conspiracy sites. Illuminati, Area 51, Earthquake Projectors, Clinton murders, alien abductions, the Gathering of Zion, solar engineering, faces on Mars; just about any modern conspiracy you want. They also have a mailing list for the latest breaking conspiracy news. Lots of pictures, lots of content, lots of conspiracies.

"We believe that this [New World Order] agenda, which seeks the overthrow of the U.S. CONSTITUTION, the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE and the BILL OF RIGHTS is being carried out by a collaborative alien-human military force based in the Neu Schwabia region of Antarctica." - from the EagleNet web page.

- Submitted by SeanMike Whipkey

Friday July 3, 1998: Jacques de Molay, We Miss You

The Knights Templar are mentioned in almost as many conspiracies as the Illuminati. What was their relationship to the Masons? Did they worship Satan in the form of the demon Baphomet? Why was their order destroyed by Philip the Fair? Or maybe you just want to know what their nifty uniforms looked like for your next SCA persona. These questions and many more are answered at the History And Mythos Of The Knights Templar site.
- Brett Slocum

Friday June 26, 1998: A New Breed of Secret Agent

"At the close of the millenium the Supermodels of the world are at war. Forces of light and armies darkness struggle for conquest. Now
you will know the story..." -from the
Soldiers of Fashion web site

I bet you didn't know that Claudia Schiffer was a general in the secret, elite U.S. Army Supermodel Corps, charged with keeping America safe by neutralizing the evil Supermodels in the world. Read about the exploits of The Company, whose evil plans include world domination, cloning Supermodel DNA, and establishing an orbital nuclear platform. See the dossiers of the supermodels in The Supermodel Mafia; their mission is to utterly destroy The Company.

So, all those fashion shoots in exotic locations across the world are just fronts for clandestine operations of the most nefarious kind. I knew it!

- Submitted by Ed "Overload" Davis

Friday June 19, 1998: Gardening on the Dark Side

If you ever need to know what plants attract bats, which flowers bloom at night, how to make a blood garden, or which plants are carnivorous or poisonous, the Gothic Gardening site is for you.

This stylish and fun site has thirteen theme gardens, Ye Olde Gothick Herball, folklore, mythology, a message board and much more.

- Submitted by Ember Blackwell

Friday June 12, 1998: Way Too Much FUN

"It's always fun to use narcotics, or so I have been told. The only problem is, they can cause annoying side-effects, such as death . . ." So begins the Fictional and Useless Narcotics (FUN) page, dedicated to extolling the comparatively safe virtues of drugs that do not, in fact, exist at all. Point your local War Against Some Drugs crusaders at this page; bonus Illumination Points if your community is the first to launch a well-publicized battle against the growing threat of soma and melange.

- Submitted by Orville Eastland.

Friday June 5, 1998: The UFO Master Index

They claim to be the World's Largest UFO Website, and who are we to argue?
Their front page says: "This page is the top level of a series of link pages leading to all major UFO sites on the web. Anyone can add or modify links on
most of these pages (subject to later review) . . . As a matter of grammatical style on these link pages, all claims are taken as true. (Qualifiers like "allegedly" are not used here, but they should always be assumed.)"
Good attitude; Scully would approve.
- Submitted by Brett Slocum

May 29, 1998: Diana Was Murdered, and EVERYBODY Did It!

It wasn't 20 minutes after the news broke about Diana's death that I got the first "conspiracy" comment. In time, Di may rival JFK as the most-speculated-about celebrity death. The "Poison Frog" The Conspiracy to Kill Princess Diana site follows this thread in at least 850 of the thousand possible directions . . . good graphics, too!
-- Steve Jackson

May 22, 1998: The Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence at Home

This just begs for a comment like "Ahh, they've met my roommate's girlfriend!" or even "Yeah, starting with that moldy cheese in the back of the refrigerator." But they're serious. As their site says:

SETI@home is a grand experiment to harness the spare power of hundreds of thousands of Internet-connected computers in the Search for
Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence (SETI.)

Basically, when you're not using your system, you turn on the SETI@home screensaver, and it connects to THEIR system and picks up part of the data-analysis load. Yes, this kind of distributed computation can work, and if you stack up enough little PCs and Macs, they can outperform any mainframe . . .

- Suggested by Jayson Howell

May 15, 1998: Masonic Luciferian Spiritism

As S.John Ross said when alerting us to this site, "I've seen plenty of paranoia pages, but this one has character."

May 8, 1998: Short People from Space!

Their descendants live in China even today. And they've been here for thousands of years, since their spacefleet self-destructed. But Modern Science Cannot Be Denied, and now we're piecing together the evidence. Read about it on the Stone Disk site.

- Suggested by Dana Blankenship

May 1, 1998: Hey, Kids! Try On This Nifty Cloak and Dagger!

No doubt this is one of the signs of the coming Apocalypse. The CIA now has a web page for kids. Read all about the CIA's purpose, the Intelligence Cycle, and of course the strong control that the President and Congress have over our intelligence community . . . all in the Beltway's concept of kidspeak.

April 24, 1998: The Internet Oracle

The Oracle
knows everything. Absolutely everything. And if you ask nicely (don't
forget to grovel) maybe it will TELL you. Or, if you're feeling
Illuminated, you can incarnate yourself as the Oracle and share your wisdom with some poor clueless questioner.
-- Steve Jackson

April 17, 1998: Book-A-Minute

Ever wanted to sit down and get caught up on those great fantasy and SF classics, but just don't have the time to wade through trilogy after trilogy, not to mention the seemingly never-ending sequels after the trilogy? Well, never fear, the Book-A-Minute web page has solved your problem.

- Suggested by Scott Haring

April 10, 1998: Professor Wacko's Exothermal Exuberance!

Who needs to get bomb-making instructions off the Internet when you can
blow up your house with Professor Wacko?

- Suggested by Stefan Jones

April 3, 1998: Extreme Hobbies

If you like to blow things up real good, or jump off the
WRONG things, or do any of the other things that you're not supposed to try at home . . . or if you just want to see a lot of pictures of people who have done this stuff and lived . . . then the Extreme Hobbies page is for
you. It is a collection of links to . . . to all kinds of things.
Some of them are even legal.

- Suggested by Liz Lindsay

March 27, 1998: The Incident

You've heard the story over and over. Fellow finds a mysterious book; when he reads it, he's terrified; before he can finish studying it, his home is broken into and the book is taken. Happens all the time, right? But the creator of the website called The Incident just happened to scan some of the pages first, and here they are on the Web. If you recognize the people in the photographs, write and tell him; he seems to like mail.

March 20, 1998: Harleys of the Gods

An Illuminated motorcycle club (very Discordian, it appears), with some
beautiful art on their pages! Visit the online turf of the
Bavarian
Illuminated Motorcycle Cabal. Are they real? Come on. Is ANYTHING real?

-- Suggested by Drakken

March 13, 1998: But Seriously, Folks . . .

We get a lot of requests for "true" information about the "real" Illuminati. And we laugh madly, because our part of the Conspiracy has
nothing to do with straight answers. So if you want a digest of data about the historical Illuminati, IGNORE THIS PAGE FNORD and visit the Bavarian Illluminati FAQ of A-albionic Research. This is not even a regular web page (maybe if we asked nicely we could get permission to duplicate it here . . . ?) Read it anyway.

March 6, 1998: The First Church of Shatnerology

Hallelujah! Praise the Toupee! Here's your chance to get in on the
ground floor of a lunatic millennium cult - with a difference! Point
your browser to The First
Church of Shatnerology and bask in the awe and majesty of all
things Shatner.

February 27, 1998: Vast Right Wing Conspiracy

In their own words: "The Right Wing Conspiracy is a loose but highly effective conglomeration of individuals, groups, corporations and groupies who want to see the United States enter into an era of Glory where government is restrained, people lead their own lives and are solely responsible for them. Where character counts and morality and ethics form the basis of personal choices. That, and we like to screw with the liberals."

This page is hard on your eyes, poorly proofread, and highly Illuminated. Do not read it while drinking a Coke unless your keyboard needed cleaning anyway.

- Submitted by Leon Stauffer

February 20, 1998: The Anagram Engine

George Herbert Walker Bush = Huge Berserk Rebel Warthog. Hmmm. See what secrets you can uncover with
The Anagram Engine. A tool of the Secret Masters.

February 13, 1998: Society of Crystal Skulls

I first encountered these ancient artifacts on a TV show they aired in
Britain years ago, `The Mysterious World of Arthur C. Clarke'. It has
long been a point of debate how such delicate pieces could be crafted
by `primitive' cultures. This of course presumes that the skulls are
terrestrial in origin... View an online Crystal Skull gallery, learn
about Skull myth and legend, and join in on the debate. All at the
Society of Crystal
Skulls.

February 6, 1998: The Museum of Non-Primate Art

Dedicated mostly to art done by cats, the MONPA is the source
for all sorts of cat-painting information and supplies. Be sure to check
out the online store where you can buy the book that started it all "Why
Cats Paint" and the set of flash cards that you can use to determine your
cat's CreativityQuotient (CQ)! Amazingly, though, there is no mention of
the art of elephants, many of which (at least in captivity) learn to use
brushes and paint with their trunks.

Suggested by Diane Epke (depke@schiffhardin.com).

January 30, 1998: The First International Virtual Conference on Mad Science

In the organizers' own words: "IVCMS provides an international forum for the presentation, discussion and extension of research into these darkly powerful pseudosciences and dangerous technologies which fall beyond the scope of conventional science and good taste.

"The purpose of the conference is to promote a general understanding of mad topics within the broader scientific community, to encourage new researchers to dabble with things best left alone, to attract commercial sponsors to the potential benefits of mad science in the business world, and to replace the old drooling maniac stereotype of the mad scientist with a new drooling maniac image which is more appropriate to the modern era."

January 23, 1998: Holy World Domination, Batman!

Yes, the world would have fallen into evil hands dozens of times if not for the Caped Crusader, and when we make OUR move, we'll have to deal with him. Visit this site for the most up-to-date info about Batman Classic.

January 16, 1998: Backwards!

So when you play a record backwards, you hear the Devil. And when you look at a web page backwards, you get . . . Never mind. There are people in Oklahoma who would get very worried if we kept going. This site has nothing to do with That Guy Down Below. As far as we know, that is. It just loads URLs backwards, pictures and all!

January 9, 1998: Monty Python Online

(Cue theme music) It's the Monty Python scheme to take over the world, you festering gob of hamster vomit! (Okay, well, no offense meant.)

- Submitted by Seth Cohen (sacohen@umabnet.ab.umd.edu)....

January 2, 1998: Cubic Truth Is Ineffable

NATURE'S HARMONIC SIMULTANEOUS 4-DAY TIME CUBE! You just thought the day had 24 hours. Now we all know better. Gene Ray, Cubic, says "I will give $1,000.00 to any person who can disprove 4 days in each earth rotation."

- Submitted by Stefan Jones

December 26, 1997: The Darwin Awards

The Darwin Awards are given, usually posthumously, to the individual(s) who remove themselves from the gene pool in the most spectacular fashion. You will be amazed at the stories they have collected. Don't try ANY of these at home.

- Site suggested by Shig the Unmentionable (shig@pd.net)

December 19, 1997: Slimy, Yet Satisfying!

Bugs outnumber all other forms of animal life on the planet. Stomping them is noisy and exhausting, and poisons have a tendency to get out of hand. So what'll we do? Well, the creative folks at Iowa State University have come up with a number of Tasty Insect Recipes. Get in the spirit of the season with Banana Worm Bread and Chocolate Chirpie Chip Cookies!

(Site suggested by John Karakash)

December 12, 1997: Duct Tape

Why is duct tape like the Force? Because it has a bright side, and
a dark side, and it holds the Universe together. The Duct Tape Page will answer
all your questions about the use, care, and feeding of the world's most
powerful tool, unless you want to know about gerbils.

November 28, 1997: The History of the Universe in 200 Words or Less

This amazing distillation of everything you really need to know first appeared in the January/Febuary 1997 issue of the Annals of Improbable Research. Since then, it has been translated into almost twenty languages, and researchers all over the world are working on further translations. If you can help translating it into a further language, please consider joining this noble effort!

November 21, 1997: Tales of the Illuminati

November 14, 1997: The Amish Homepage

Do the Amish know something we don't? Clues can be found at the Amish Homepage. Read about the PooPets ('handmade, self-fertilizing 100% cow manure plant sculptures'), The Amish Experience Theater and all you ever wanted to know about Amish Buggy Safety.

November 7, 1997: CTKA

Citizens for Truth about the Kennedy Assassination is a self proclaimed political action group lobbying for full disclosure of all records relating to the assassination of JFK. Conspiracy Theorists, Paranoids or Responsible Citizens concerned about democratic integrity? Tapes, transcripts, videos, links etc. What do you believe - Oswald as the crazed lone assassin, or spooky goings-on atop the Grassy Knoll? See how you can help in the search for the truth.

October 31, 1997: Halloween is Eeeeeevil!

Halloween is now the second most popular holiday in the US, right behind Christmas. And, as we learn from South Park, the true meaning of Halloween is costumes and candy. Or is it? Could there be a Sinister Force behind it all? Of course there could. Read the rant at this site.

October 24, 1997: RAW's Black-Ops

Robert Anton Wilson, I'm sure, needs no introduction. Out soon at your local bookstore is the culmination of a lifetime's study on his part: 'Everything is under Control: Conspiracies, Cults and Cover-Ups - Real, Unreal and Surreal'. No need to wait however, since online you can find more than just a flavour at his Black-Ops page. Working with Miriam Joan Hill, All Is Revealed.

October 17, 1997: 5/5/2000

On or around 5/5/2000 there will be global choas. You knew that, right?
Richard Noone definitely wants you to know. You see, Mercury,
Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, not to mention the Sun and Moon will all
'line up' on one side of the Earth to produce 'major stress on Planet
Earth'. All hell will break loose: earthquakes, polar ice cap movement, tidal waves, East and West Coast USA under water - lordy. What can we
do? Well, buy Rick's book of 'Basic Preparedness', that's what. It's
amazing what you can do with a sheet of tarp and some plastic on your
windows in situations like this. Just for the record, I'm one of those those rash dissenters who doubts that Earth will be pulled apart by tidal forces
raised by the other planets. But then again, what the hell do I know?

October 3, 1997: The Death Clock

Well, I always knew I was going to die. Eventually. We all do, well, most of us, anyway. It's just that now I know exactly when it will happen. Friday, 26th June, 2020. I don't know the circumstances. Maybe peacefully in my sleep; maybe violently, screaming as I tumble into the abyss. The Secret Masters were happy to let me worry about that, once they had revealed the date. It's a curse, believe me. You wouldn't want to know your death date. So just stay away from The Death Clock. You'll be glad you did.

September 19, 1997: The Alchemy Web Site

The Philosopher's Stone, the Elixir of Life, the Medicine of Metals, True Wisdom... from imagery and symbolism to historical texts to guidelines for present day practice of the ancient art, The Alchemy Web Site has it all. Questions agonized over by the greatest minds since the dawn of human civilization. Now it's your turn. Just don't get any on you.

September 12, 1997: The Skeleton Closet

Hey, we all know that behind the schmaltz and the baby-kissing there's a seedier side to the boys and girls on Capitol Hill. That's true of all of us, right? It's just that during election time so many smoke screens are set up that you'd have an easier time getting to the truth in the transcripts of the OJ trial. We're digging in for a two-year Odyssey to the White House: The Skeleton Closet is one for the bookmark file folks. Watch for this site to sizzle as our players skip, stumble and fall down the Yellow Brick Road.

September 6, 1997: The Lucidity Institute

Tired of your dead-end job? Had enough of sitting alone in your underwear at 3 am staring at the 1-800 ads? Or maybe you're just sick of the endless Wings reruns on TV. Well, the folks at the Lucidity Institute would like you to know that you have God-like power to change the world. Learn to control your dreams and you can be the baron of industry, you can have Jenny McCarthy/Brad Pitt covered in marinara sauce, hey - you can even be the high-powered TV exec who finally puts this country out of its misery. And for only $175... Bunko artists or Illuminated Ones spreading happiness and contentment to the uninitiated? You make the call.

August 29, 1997: Rosemary West's Left-Handed Page

Thanks to everyone who applied to be our new Illuminated SiteKeeper. We've chosen Keith Grogan to take the reins, and here's his first pick for Illuminated Site of the Week.

You know back in medieval times the Witchsmeller Pursuivant had it pretty easy convincing the locals that Mrs. Dimkins down the street dabbled in the Black Arts. Hey, she talks to her horse, she has a mole on her chin and the coup-de-grace: she's left-handed! BURN HER! Nowadays the state of affairs is a little better, but my leftie friends still tell me about the subliminals people try to pass them suggesting that they're just, well, not quite right. Fear not. You have a champion in Rosemary West, who has gathered together a veritable multitude of information dedicated to the Left Hand Path.

August 22, 1997: Blenderphone

We told you about this last year, before we set up the Illuminated Site of the Week. Well, now we're telling you again, because this is, ahem, *special* enough to deserve a repeat mention, and the semi-coveted IllSotW medallion. Ladies and gentlemen, we give you . . . the Blenderphone.

August 15, 1997: 23 Skidoo

August 8, 1997: The Skeptic's Dictionary

Looking for the real truth about the world? The Skeptic's Dictionary has it all - skeptical definitions, essays and references on everything from aliens to zombies. Of course, the truth about the Illuminati has been suppressed. Fnord.

August 1, 1997: The Bureau of Missing Socks

Where did that other sock go? Stolen by aliens? Eaten by a vicious
jogging bra? Crawled off into the depths of your garage to breed? The Bureau of Missing Socks is
doing its best to find out. Read about their noble efforts . . .

July 25, 1997: Stupid Jesus Tricks

July 18, 1997: The TRUTH About Role-Playing Games

"Is Your Child a Role-Player?" demands Niilo Paasivirta, author of
The Game
of Satan. An in-depth study of how RPGs can lead to Satan-worship,
drug use, and "vile, sodomic sex acts," this page describes how
young players ("especially virgins!") are duped by evil Dungeon
Masters into becoming obedient slaves of the forces of evil. (I already feel
like I've missed out on something...) Mr. Paasivirta's many readers expend a
great deal of energy in debating whether or not he's kidding.
-- Shig the Unmentionable

July 11, 1997: Men In Black

Close partners of the Illuminati are the Men In Black,
members of a secret organization that covers up conspiracies, silences
those who know too much, and protects the world from things it isn't ready for.
Now Hollywood has gone and made a movie about them, and of course,
anyone truly Illuminated has already seen the movie at least twice. And if you
haven't... go now. Before the MIB's come after you.

July 4, 1997: The Cornerstone of American Independence

As every INWO and
Classic Illuminati player knows, the single most aggravating card to appear in anyone's deck
is the IRS. In every game of
Classic Ive ever seen, adding the IRS to ones hierarchy meant an immediate
death sentence; it was simply too annoying to be allowed to live. What many
suspect but few realize is that that's the entire purpose of the IRS; sure, we
can use the money, but it's much more important that people have something on
which to focus their petty anxieties and leave us free to Get Things Done...

June 27, 1997: The Letterboxing Conspiracy

Subtitled
"Letterboxing: Vile
Censorship of Movies on Tv and Video," this site exposes the conspiracy
of "film makers, film critics, and their followers" to prevent you (yes,
you) from enjoying movies on TV by blocking parts of the screen with
black bars. Don't give in and accept this treatment! Fight for your right
to watch cropped-down versions of big-screen hits! Join the anonymous
author of this site in his/her crusade for cinematic integrity!

When Richard C. Hoagland looked at Mars, he believed he saw a humanoid
face looking back at him. Based on this
compelling evidence, this respected scientist took a flying leap to
the conclusion that the rock-and-shadow formation not only was constructed
by intelligent beings, but also proves beyond all doubt that Creationism, not
evolution, is the correct model. All we can say is, it's a good thing
he didn't notice the gift shop and mini-golf course next to the giant
face...

Saint or subversive? Messiah or madman? White wine, or red? Everyone
who's heard of Timothy Leary has a
different opinion about him; the truth,
of course, is known only to us. All we can say, however, is that we
categorically deny any and all involvement in his life and alleged death.

CSICOP is one of our most
surprising successes to date. Who would have thought that all it would
take to discredit the possibility of "paranormal" abilities would be to
replicate their effects using physical trickery? Telepathy and
psychokinesis are complicated concepts, and the normals will take the
simplest world view every time. Which is fine with us; the fewer
unregistered telepaths we have to deal with, the better.

Attention All Operatives, Black Suit Division: Be on the lookout for
one Donna J. Kossy, founder and curator of the so-called
Kooks Museum. The
material displayed therein could not possibly have come from any other
source than our own Facility 23. Her cavalier, dismissive attitude
toward the ideas put forth by these so-called "kooks" is a mocking slap
in our Illuminated face; clearly she intends to blackmail us by trotting
the truth out in full view. Standard removal protocols apply.

Every so often a portion of the Radical Christian Fringe starts frothing
at the mouth about rock music and evolution theory. Naturally, they're
closer to the truth than even they realize; it wouldn't do for our
wicked plans to be revealed by someone who might actually be taken
seriously. Grab your Bible (but don't read it! They hate that)
and jump over to Dial-the-Truth
Ministries, where you'll learn the truth behind the Clinton health
care plan and the fiendish plot of Jimmy Buffett.

So you think you Get It, do you? And you're trying to prove it by
throwing together a web page with a few pithy non-sequiturs, some
quotes from the Principia Discordia, and yet another retouch
of the ray-traced
Sacred Chao? Well, that's just great. Come register your
site on the Ring of
Fnords, the Discordian Webring, so that we can better keep an
all-seeing Eye on you and determine how much of a threat you pose.
Compliance is mandatory.

No catalogue of Web weirdness could possibly begin with any other site
than HyperDiscordia.
Like Saturday Night Live, HyperDiscordia has been around long
enough to be considered an institution. But unlike that albatross around
Lorne Michaels's neck, HyperDiscordia is still relevant and funny,
and knows when to end a sketch. It's easily the best introduction to
Discordianism this side of a steel spike in the ear.