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Monday, October 31, 2011

Note: Menaj no longer writes for Slap The Penguin. This is an old post.

Since we lost Jack Stropp during the shuffle, we have been a team of 3 writers, struggling to make deadlines and unable to play Uno Moo. Until now.. we have recruited a new writer. Our newest penguin slapper is none other than Menaj Attwar.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

A high court judge has ordered that the Long Island home of the Lohan family be converted to a prison. Bars will be added to each room and the doors will be reinforced and retrofitted with security locks. Armed guards will be assigned to ensure that everybody remains inside the minimum security facility.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Once again, just a matter of days after Harold Camping's prediction for the end of the world, a localized natural disaster strikes. This time the target for the mini-rapture was Eastern Turkey which was hit by a 7.2 magnitude earthquake.

Christmas is definitely cruising towards us at a rapid rate. Sifting through the festive fluff in order to find decent new releases was only moderately easier than last week. And, as usual, I didn't let you down and have highlighted 5 musical masterpieces for your consideration.

Allergy Warning, some of the albums listed below may contain small traces of Christmas and/or Canadians!

World renowned explodophile movie director, Michael Bay has already publicly apologized for the mediocre quality of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, claiming that the 2007/08 Screenwriters Guild strike was to blame.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Now that Slap the Penguin (formally My Twist News) is well into it's second year, we figured we would reminisce about old times by looking at what was happening on our site 12 months ago. Also it saves us having to do any serious writing, we just recycle old stories, just like the daytime soaps. So here is our version of a Days Of Our Lives dream sequence.

It is official, the beginning of the end of the world commences less than 1 week from today. Harold Camping's latest guess for The Rapture is October 21st 2011. This is his second attempt this year to predict Judgement Day. Read about the May 21st miscalculation here.

Another week, another weak selection of new releases. I was all set to create a list of the greatest CDs from 20 years ago, including Nirvana's Nevermind, Pop Will Eat Itself's Cure for Sanity and Doubt by Jesus Jones, but I forced myself to sit and listen and drink beer and write. Then I plugged myself into Pandora.com and clicked on '1991 Radio' to sterilize my ears.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Just like Elizabeth Taylor, this headline has far too many x's. So what's the story? Way back in early 2011, movie rental giant, Netflix announced it would be separating it's DVD and streaming services into two distinct parts according to it's long term business plan.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

The Mayor of Caracas is sending 120 mimes out onto the streets in an effort to counter the rampant road rage and lawless driving in Venezuela’s capital city. The city of Caracas is renowned for having some of the worst behaved drivers on the planet. The basic rules of driving are exemplified by the traffic light system. Green means GO and red means GO FAST, before the other guy goes.

Wow, do we have a mixed bag of music for you this week. From new stars to (very) old favorites, covering every conceivable genre (country, death metal, spoken word, slightly effeminate and trance). As always, you can hear samples by clicking the cover art and following the links on the amazon.com page, where you can also make a purchase selection.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

12 months ago today, what used to be My Twist News had it's biggest story of all time. The internet phenomenon, Cigar Guy took off and we were there on the bottom floor of this express elevator to stardom. This is the image that started the whole thing.

Everyone does Top 10 lists, so we are going to be different and do a Top 8. This list is the Top 8 redheads of all time. Actually, not all time, but recent history. I am sure that there are many redheads from way back, but I am not old enough to remember them. We value your opinions and would like to hear your thoughts about who else should be on this list and who shouldn't. Please leave a comment at the end if you want to share your thoughts.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Russell Brand's passport has another red 'X' in it after he was denied access to Canada this weekend. The 36 year old scruffbag was forced to cancel a live performance since Canadian immigration officials would not let him enter the country.

It feels so good to be back, even though we are now Slapping Penguins instead of Twisting the News. A rose would smell as sweet by any other name so I won't be mixing up the format too much. Here are the 5 new releases that caught my eye this week.

By +Alexa Rankin He was the hit of Superbowl XLVIII (48) as he wowed the crowd during the halftime show last Sunday. Bruno Mars and the Re...

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Welcome to Slap the Penguin, a collection of the finest comedy minds sharing their wit and wisdom to the world. We offer satirical news, social commentary with just a sprinkling of slapstick.

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Slap the Penguin is a satirical news blog and as such is intended to be funny. Since the definition of comedy is broad and humor is subjective, we cannot be held responsible for posts which the reader deems to be unfunny. If you wish to complain about the standards of humor please send an email to garbagecan@slapthepenguin.com and your complaint will be dealt with accordingly.

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