Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I'll Drink To That!

I totally ripped this off an email from my Dad, but thought you all would enjoy it:

Terrorist alert upgrades worldwide

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday, as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Pablo Picasso's Last Words

And now a word from our man in the field, Bob Anderson

"There are types of innocence of which one should not be guilty." - Anon

Doc, Editor-in-Chief

"I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer." --Abraham Lincoln

Contributing Editor

Cap'n Ergo Jinglebollocks

Entertainment Reporter

Flannery Alden

ALL FACTS CHECKED

By the trained professionals at The Knowmordenudo Institute.

For Those Who Need Directions

Click To Enter

Words To Toast By

Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.

---Henry David Thoureau

He Wishes For The Cloths Of Heaven

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths, Enwrought with golden or silver light, The blue and the dim and the dark cloths, Of night and light and half-light,I would spread the cloths under your feet: But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams. W.B. Yeats