A Court of Mist and Fury Chapter 37: Halfway Through This Book, They Get Half A Book

A Court of Mist and Fury: Chapter 37

After our cliffhanger where the box containing the Book of Breathings doesn’t believe Feyre when she claims to be Tarquin, the door slams shut and water starts rushing in.

“NO!” Amren screamed, at the door in an instant […] Amren’s blazing palm flattened against the door, burning, heating the metal […] The door burst open.
Only for a flood to come crashing in.

They struggle to use their respective magic abilities to swim out against the flow of the current, failing as they come across another door, before they’re unexpectedly saved by, out of goddamned nowhere, water-wraiths.

The one in the center said, “Our sister’s debt is paid.”
And then they were gone.

Yep, it was a thrilling scene full of tension that just does not translate to a summary/comedy blog in the slightest. Remember how the first book wasfull of action, but for this second book it’s just a bunch of shitheads talking nonstop about their plans to save the world in a way that’ll make everyone hate them because it just has to be that way? Wow, I’m actually nostalgic for a book I gave two stars on Goodreads. Thanks, ACOMAF.

Speaking of making everybody hate them because it just has to be that way, Rhysand finally meets up with them, informs them that whatever they did set off all the alarms in the city, he’s been busy keeping guards from making their way to the temple but wasn’t able to distract all of them, and then they teleport back home. Given how long it’s been since we saw Tamlin, I’m guessing ACOMAF is in no real rush to tell us what Tarquin makes of this betrayal. Maybe Tarquin and Tamlin are starting a book club. That’s official blog canon until we finally figure out what any of our scorned secondary characters are up to!

“Why, yes, Tamlin, I do agree that Plot Puppy was much happier living with Abby’s roommate, even if this means he is condemned to a life without Netflix. What do you think, Cheddar Scallywag?”

They arrive in Rhysand’s home where the rest of his gang are waiting for them. Amren asks Feyre what the deal was with the water-wraiths. Feyre explains about how she gave them jewels so they could pay their taxes to Tamlin.

Amren began quietly laughing, her small body shaking.
“What?” I demanded.
“Only an immortal with a mortal heart would have given one of those horrible beasts the money. It’s so…” Amren laughed again, her dark hair plastered with sand and seaweed. For a moment, she even looked human. “Whatever luck you live by, girl… thank the Cauldron for it.”

Ok, I know I’m making more than enough jokes lately about how Rhysand and his friends are a bunch of janky capitalist shitlords that I gotta make sure I don’t overdo it, but this is actually someone criticizing giving a someone a handout right after they literally saved their life. How are Rhysand’s friends the good guys in this story? They’re fucking awful. You thank the Cauldron, asshole!

Also, wait, isn’t the entire plot right now that they want to destroy the Cauldron? Why do they always address it like it’s their deity? What the fuck is going on with the lore in ACOTAR?

Sigh. Ok, I guess something significant finally happened in this stupid book: the Book. Feyre reveals the box containing the book, and tries to open it again.

[I] placed a hand on top.Hello, liar, it purred.
“Hello,” I said softly. […] Open, I said silently.Say please.“Please,” I said.
The box – the Book – was silent. Then it said, Like calls to like.“Open,” I gritted out.Unmade and Made; Made and Unmade – that is the cycle. Like calls to like. […] Cursebreaker, it called to me, and the box clicked open.

I will give ACOMAF this over ACOTAR: at least the answer to this riddle isn’t obviously “love”.

This is why I could never take Amarantha seriously

It was not a book – not with paper and leather.
It had been formed of dark metal plates bound on three rings of gold, silver, and bronze, each word carved […] in an alphabet I could not recognize. […]
Amren’s hands might have been shaking, but she shoved them into her pockets. “It is no language of this world. […] It is the Leshon Hakodesh. The Holy Tongue.”

Rhysand tells a visibly shaken Amren that he suspected the book might also contain “the spell to free you – and send you home. If they were the ones who wrote it in the first place”, but didn’t tell her his suspicions because he didn’t want to get her hopes up. Azriel reminds us that the rest of the plot makes no fucking sense.

Azriel said, “Even if the book can nullify the Cauldron… there’s Jurian to contend with.”

We all looked at him. “That’s the piece that doesn’t fit,” Azriel clarified, tapping a scarred finger on the table. “Why resurrect him in the first place?”

I have the exact same question, but probably not for the same reasons.

“Would Jurian ally with Hybern just because he thinks Miryam is dead and wants her back?” Cassian said, bracing his arms on the table.
“He’d do it to get revenge on Drakon for winning her heart,” Rhys said.

Ok, A Court of Mist and Fury is just fucking with us now, right?

I made a note to ask him who these people were, what their history was-

How could we possibly be this far into this book where so little has happened and still be meeting new players? What the hell are we even doing?

No kidding, between the awful “witty banter,” the questionable reveals about Morrigan and Lucien (and I’m not even referring to his mate), and a bunch of centuries-old men acting like middle school girls, I don’t know how the book got published without someone intervening

What about the double fake out with Tamlin? Book one: “He’s kinda boring, but it’s nice to see a romantic interest that isn’t a fucking psycho.” Book two: “Psych, Tamlin is a MASSIVE douche bag.” Book three: “EVEN MORE MASSIVE DOUCHE BAGGERY until inexplicably he sees the error of his ways and wants Feyre to be happy. With no realistic or believable explanation, either.” Fuck off, you stupid books.

Oh my gosh what. I’ve only just started ACOWAR and I was struck by how awful the beginning is but kind of figured it would get slightly better…but does not sound like it. Can’t wait to blog it, though!

RIGHT THEY ARE SO IMMATURE I DON’T GET IT! One or two of them I could understand as just specific to their character, but literally all of them. There is not a single ancient being that I am like, “Yep, they have gained some wisdom over the years.”

I couldn’t finish ACOWAR. I skimmed to the end. It is SO bad, Ariel. I can’t believe you’re even putting yourself through it after this one.

Feyre is such a massive bitch in the beginning, but we’re supposed to think she’s justified using Lucien because of reasons…I just start doing Michael Scott when Toby comes back when I talk about this book. “NO! GOD, NO!”

I could even understand it if Maas justified irrational behavior by saying “you know, since they’re immortal and immune to sickness and old age, every single one of these people’s predecessors has died horribly, by either being murdered by a rival or torn to pieces and eaten by one of the supernatural creatures” because presumably, that’s what had to have happened. That could be a decent excuse for why they might be paranoid or have fucked up social skills, but, no, pettiness is better.

New thread for this but I can’t stop thinking that not only did Tarquin or Tamlin (or Cheddar!) have to pitch the idea of the book club, but one of them also had to be like, “We should definitely read Beautiful Disaster” and everyone agreed. Canon.