Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Remove You

CrazyKinux has been doing the blog banter thing now for several months but I have never posted a response to any of the topics before. Why are things different this time around?

(1) I really want to win a keychain because that sort of thing would make my day. It is really about time I replaced my eight year old "Hello Kitty" one anyhow as it's nerdy and a keychain about an internet spaceship video game would be considerably more mature.

(2) I immediately knew exactly how I wanted to respond to the topic and I am very opinionated about this one.

The topic for this edition of Eve Blog Banter is:

"Last month Ga'len asked us which game mechanic we would most like to see added to EVE. This month Keith "WebMandrill" Nielson proposes to reverse the question and ask what may be a controversial question: Which game mechanic would you most like to see removed completely from EVE and why? I can see this getting quite heated so lets keep it civil eh?"

What game mechanic would I want removed from Eve? That's easy! So without further introduction:

Fuck All Of You

"Keep it civil?" Come on now. The mechanic that needs to be removed completely from Eve is the ability to login. The thing that would make Eve step off the precipice from "Good" to "Perfect" would be if CCP finally got the balls to removed players from the game. Just for a minute imagine how this would affect the landscape of the universe:

(1) Peace and Quiet:

Everywhere I fly and everywhere I go I hear idiots. Babbling over every communications channel like a bunch of four year olds. Whining about one thing, spouting gibberish about another. My brain can't take it anymore and I have to imagine that the poor space itself can't handle it either. We all need a break from it, a permanent one. I got your back Siseide, Dantumi, D7-ZAC, Malkanen and J155545. If we could only prevent people from existing in the universe you would be able to continue on in your peaceful and noble existance. Soon we will be alone and the only voices I hear will be the ones in my head telling me that I have to murder my neighbors dog ASAP because he is actually the Devil in disguise. I'll get you Spot... just you wait.

(2) Pollution and Litter:

You people just don't care about the beauty and nature surrounding you. I land in one system just to see ten drones abandoned in a corner. I jump into another to find twenty-five jettisoned cans floating next to a gate. Debris from shipwrecks, abandoned stations and even frozen corpses. Let us not even begin to talk about the CO2 emissions from all the ships! Does no one have any concern about how we are raping the vacuum that nature has spent billions of years cultivating to be totally devoid of any matter? Every time you fill that vacuum with anything you are completely throwing off the balance and ecosystem that had been thriving and refining itself for longer than you can even begin to fathom. Way to be a bunch of inconsiderate assclowns. The universe would only be better off without you leaving your droppings everywhere you go.

(3) Real Life Productivity:

Let's stop with the role-playing for a minute here (because I normally RP hardkore and to the max when I blog). Do you all realize that Eve is a game? Tens of thousands online at once with some of us spending way too much time online doing something that means nothing. A lot of us even spent a good portion of offline time reading stupid ass forums and posting stupid ass blogs about stupid ass video game shit. Imagine if you spent all of that time doing something productive? If we had pooled our time together into something useful we probably could have cured Cancer, resolved worldwide poverty and traveled to Neptune to meet the super-sexy-all-female-race-of-super-aliens-with-four-breasts. Right now people are suffering and a number of us are missing out on alien sex because we ignore real life responsibilities and problems to fly internet spaceships. Disgusting and embarassing. You should be ashamed.

Conclusion:

It is hard to imagine that anyone is going to come up with a better blog banter submission than this so please just contact me in game or via email when you need my information for the Hoodie. If possible I would really prefer the keychain as well but that is a discussion we can have more in depth in a week.

People (and Eve players specifically) are a virus. We are a plague. We destroy and devalue everything we touch just by existing and removing the ability for us to login would make the universe of Eve into an Utopia of incredible proportions. Well at least until CCP ran out of money thanks to lack of subscriptions. To that I say... stimulus package?