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17 October 2013

Last week my officemate asked me what is it like to be married for almost 10 years. For someone who is vocal and opinionated, I do not know how to answer the question. I just smiled, then laughed nervously. Then I stared at my hand... No wedding ring.

I have not worn my wedding ring for more than 3 years now. I returned it to Don. It was one of those "nightmares" in marriage that a woman wish she will never experience. It took us several conversations with people we love, guidance from a pastor, renewal of faith and 4 bottles of red wine to finally decide that we will move on and work harder to strengthen our marriage.

Working hard means to make intentional decisions to communicate better, to love unconditionally, to listen intently and understand without judgement and pride, to show respect and to take care of each other. Strengthening our relationship also means giving each other enough space for personal growth. In marriage, I realized quite painfully, you can't "just let things happen" or wait for things "to fall into place".

Staying married should be a full time job. I would love to just wake up every day with nothing else to do but focus on keeping and strengthening my relationship with Don. But we have to put food on the table, bills and loans to pay, a house to sell, cars to maintain, parents to take care of and a beautiful daughter to raise. How can I have a healthier relationship with Don and still be good at my other roles?

During our SoMoms #betterme session with Coach Pia last August 14, I was reminded of the important aspects to consider in building a healthier relationship with Don: Maintain and develop trust, learn continuously, communicate openly, cooperate and create a plan, to adapt and be flexible, to let go and forgive and to sacrifice.

Willingness AND ability to do these things are essential to building healthier relationships. You can't be willing to communicate openly but do not have the ability to listen and understand your parter. Or you may have the ability to let go and move forward but you are not willing to forgive. It can't work that way. Again, willingness AND ability.

Love is the foundation of marriage. Separation was the easiest way out, but that was not an option because Don and I love each other so much. But it will take more than love to stay IN LOVE. Looking back, I am thankful of the trial that we experienced. It made our relationship stronger. So cliche, you may think. That sentence is overused and abused, I know. But really, it opened our eyes and hearts to the things we need to do and to the person we need to become to make the relationship happier and healthier.

Don and I recognize that our marriage is a work in progress. I am so blessed to be part of the SoMoms #betterme session with Coach Pia. Attending these sessions is my new "me-time"Coach Pia Nazareno-Acevedo, together with Pia Magalona, started One Core -- an organization that supports individuals in making better life decisions. She is a Certified Life Coach with 17 years of coaching and counseling experience.

One Core is committed to provide an environment for individuals to identify the specific goals they want to accomplish; to validate if they are making the right decisions and; to achieve balance in the five aspects of life (self, family, academics/work, social life and sense of purpose). True to their purpose, they offer free membership and free learning sessions! Yes, it is for FREE! Check www.theonecore.com for more details.

Our session last August 14 was made possible by BPI. BPI supports SoMoms and One Core because they believe that the family is a key pillar to financial wellness. I love that moms can now ask financial questions to fellow moms who are VPs of BPI! Mita Gozar and Chinky Lukban can personally be reached at mita@bpi.com.ph and chinky@bpi.com.ph.

Our special thanks also to Sequoia Hotel and Ombu Restaurant. If you are looking for a place to stay in Quezon City, either for work or staycation, Sequoia Hotel is the perfect place for you. Ombu Modern Filipino Restaurant is located at the ground floor of Sequoia. They offer a wide variety of local Filipino dished infused with Asian and European flavors. Both are located at Mother Ignacia corner Timog Avenue in Quezon City.

Lastly (parang awards speech lang), my heartfelt thanks to Patty Aguirre for joining me in this session. I hope you learned as much as I did :)

We will have another #betterme session with Coach Pia soon. Can't wait!

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Cruisin' Mommyhood is about being a mom, of course, but it’s also about marriage, stuff I love, being aworking mom —everything you'd muse or talk about on a drive around town. You know, the conversations you and I might have while we're driving to the office on a crazy weekday morning.

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I'm Belle delos Reyes, first-time mom, long-time workin' girl. Cruisin' Mommyhood is an archive of my learnings and experiences as a first-time working mom. Or -- as I like to put it -- a manual for working moms and moms-to-be, who want inspiration and practical tips about this new world of motherhood.