“ferocious intensity.” That phrase stood out to me among the
other words among the page. Inspired wordchoice, it’s such a
contrast when you just a few sentences earlier mentioned pink
sweaters and bubbleheads.

Okay, the first section. Status of story so far: BOSS. Your
writing style can’t be described as anything but “sharp”, and
the difference between the intelligent writing and it’s not so
intelligent characters so far is almost ridiculous. It certainly is
entertaining, anyways. Dominique is such a striking character,
so vibrant and ‘alive’, I guess. She seems like she could go so
far in life, and what’s she doing? Making fun of a fashion faux
pas, surrounded by brainless bobbleheads who she wouldn’t
even call friends. She seems like she has plans, though. I love
the comments her followers make about Priscilla Bones—
“She eats cheese during breakfast!” (I think my dad doesn’t
believe that I use my computer for reading anymore now that I
LOLed at this part while watching the Doctor Who Christmas
special with him.)

ONWARDS.

“It was hard being the editor of Amortentia.” and BAM you just
change the POV like a boss :D While Rachel is probably just
an insignificant plot-mover (i don’t know what that last word
was either), you gave her this amazing level of depth that a
minor character doesn’t really deserve. Thank you for that.
The way she described Priscilla was perfect, too: she was real,
natural. And, since the two are best friends, you know that the
description is probably a bit inflated, which is good since
otherwise Priscilla would practically be a poster girl for perfect.

“Priscilla Bones -143 votes
Dominique Weasley- 100 votes
Daria Smith- 82 votes” 43 votes more than Dom? That’s a lot,
considering that only about 250 people voted in Hogwarts’s
1000 strong population. I want to know who Daria Smith is,
now, though. It seems that Dom’s slipping— or people are
getting bored/not scared of her. Either way, she won’t give up
that easily— should be fun to watch :)

NOO THAT’S IT AND YOU HAVEN’T POSTED ANOTHER
CHAPTER?! DO IT. DO IT NOW

Hi! Here for the Gryffindor review exchange - I'm sorry this took me so long!
I enjoyed this a lot - whilst, personally, I'd never heard of the Greek myth before, I thought it was a very well written one-shot with excellently portrayed characters. I like the personality you made for Dominique - the controlling, egotistical girl who always needs to be on top came across very strongly and the way she dominates the rest of her 'posse' was very convincing at the beginning, although I loved how some of the girls at least clearly didn't adore her as much as she thought, given the comments after she left. As a character who isn't actually featured in the original HP series, we don;t really know much about her, so having a bit of a blank canvas to work with can both be a curse and a blessing, really - you have a bit of freedom in how you portray her, but then again, sometimes this can mean that the character ends up as being incredibly random and off-putting for readers to read about. However, I think you really nailed it down well in Dominique, which can be a hard thing to do in only a one-shot. Her character is so well-defined in this that it does really make the one-shot a lot more enjoyable to read, and makes the writing engaging and overall a very well-written story. Well done!
I also like your description in the piece - especially the first sentence, which I found created a really vivid image in my head (that might sound a bit weird, but I hope not) when I read it. I thought your use of descriptive sentences was really effective in reinforcing the very different personalities of the character involved, which made it really enjoyable to read.
Overall, I really liked it and I congratulate you on a job well done! Apologies this review won't be as long as I wanted it to be, but after a while, even telling you I relly liked everything gets a little repetitive ;)
Thankyou for such a lovely one-shot!
awesomepotter xxx

Author's Response: Hey!

Like I said in my review, you're much earlier than me when it comes to reviewing. Anyhow, thanks a million for this review!

I was hoping that the story could be followed even by people who were not very familiar with Greek myths. This particular myth is a lesser known one (until, of course, Rick Riordan mentioned it in his latest book and then suddenly everyone knows what it is) and I felt that that could give me the freedom to modify it to fit the story.

I'm glad you feel the 'popular girl vibe' from Dominique. I personally think I went a little over the top, but I guess it was really helpful in painting an effective picture of who she is. I'm so happy that you picked up on those tiny details like her friends not really being her friends.

Your comment about the pros and cons of writing a non HP character is spot on, really. That is the whole reason as to why I feel so much more comfortable writing stories in next gen as opposed to any other era. The constraints on the character are so much less than usual.

Description has always been a weak point of mine, so I'm thrilled you actually enjoyed it. The problem comes when I try to figure out where I should add description and how much. I'm glad it constructively influenced the story!

This was such an amazing review and I don't quite understand why you are apologising for it. It brightened my day, really, and I needed to take a couple more to come down from cloud nine to respond to it ;) Thanks a million for stopping by!

When I saw this was based on the Psyche myth I knew I just had to read it. I remember beta'ing and really loving your Andromeda story and so clearly we are kindred spirits who love the classics. :P And this is such an original and entertaining take on the story. I'll be keeping an eye out for updates as I can't wait to see how you'll continue to adapt the story to the myth - who will be the Cupid figure?! I wonder if he might be one of Dominique's cousins, since Cupid was Aphrodite's son.

Dominique makes an excellent Aphrodite, I must say. I loved the slightly playful way you described her: Her thin eyebrows were scrunched together in a frown that could not and would not ruin her stunning appearance. This was a great line, it was so sassy and showed how much control Dominique has over her beauty and how it is perceived.

Uh oh, I'm a little worried for Priscilla! I love, however, how she's a normal sized girl who is pretty in a natural but not obnoxious way. Rachel seems like a great character as well, I love her sass and how she has to put up with silly girls like Dominique getting angry with her. This line:

Rachel stopped in her tracks and through a withering glare to the heavens. It really made me laugh, because I could totally picture her just staring up and controlling her anger. :P And looking up at the heavens, where the gods are, was a great way of pointing out the connection to the myth and the Greek gods as well. Tiny thing: in that sentence I think "through" should be spelt "threw"?

I'm so nervous about what Dominique might do - the Veela blood makes her all the more terrifying. This was a wonderful start and I really enjoyed it! :)

Blackout Round 3 - 13/20

Author's Response: Hey Jenna!

I love greek mythology to bits and we're definitely kindred spirits. This particular myth is less common the others but really makes a good storyline. Cupid is indeed one of Dominique's relatives but I'm not going to say who ;) You won't have to wait for long though as the next chapter is almost done!

The main aim of the story is to show the stark contrast between Dominique and Pricilla's characters which leads to them arguing and...you know the whole incident. Thus the first chapter introduces the readers to Dom who as you said is the perfect Aphrodite. I'm so happy that you liked that part :)

Rachel is a character of my creation that doesn't really go along with the myth plot. This is where the variation begins and Rachel has a pretty big role to play in the upcoming events. I think out of all the characters, she's the one I most relate to so writing her part was like putting my own thoughts down on paper :)

Whoops! Sorry about the typo. To think my grammar and spellings have improved. Thanks for pointing it out, I'll head down and change it asap!

Dominique seems to be capable of anything, doesn't she? Pricilla does have to watch out because she's in for some really scary stuff next! Thank you so much for leaving such a wonderful review that really made me smile!

Areas of Concern:
-I see nothing wrong with the believability. While it might be kind of odd to see that Hogwarts would allow for a gossip magazine, it's not totally off-putting. I mean, the whole school was practically wearing "Potter Stinks!" buttons without any repercussions, and that was pretty bad in my book. I do see what you mean about lack of suspense, although I don't think this is a problem. When I go into reading this story, I don't expect there to be a big suspense element there, but your writing is very good and that is enough to make me want to keep reading.

-I really liked the characterization here. So far, I haven't read much with Victoire in it, but what I have read of her she is a very level-headed person. You present a major flaw at the very beginning, which is her vanity. I think this is a very smart move, as it makes the character (while not more likeable) realistic.

-Your description was very good. Since the beginning you give really good imagery, and it definitely makes me appreciate your writing a lot more.

-Dialogue was also really good! I got a total 'Mean Girls' vibe to the whole thing. And it also seems very characteristic of a gossipping teenage girl to act this way, so good job on that!

-If you've based this on a greek myth, maybe try to read more into the myth? I am not familiar with it, so I can't help you very much. But you can go more into Dominique planning her revenge, or you can have her go around asking people who they voted for. Kind of make her go crazy, because she already seems crazy lol.

What I thought was worth mentioning:
-I am kind of wondering who will be your main character. I know we see a lot of Dominique, but we also are introduced to Rachel, and then we have Pricilla. Is this a multiple POV thing?

Overall, a really good read, and feel free to re-request!

--Monica

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for this very insightful review. I'm glad that the chapter seemed realistic to you. It's a bit far fetched to be having a gossip magazine at Hogwarts, but compared to Troll's in the girls' bathroom and a chamber of secrets, I hope it's relatively normal ;)

Dominique is the major antagonist of the story, so I'm glad that her defining features were very obvious. The story is supposed to told from two perspectives. One from Pricilla's and the other from Louis (both of whom will be introduced in the following chapter). I really wanted to give the reader a sense of what the other characters' personalities are like, hence the prologue does not contain either of the two protagonists. It's a bit different from what I normally write and I hope that it isn't too confusing.

Thanks for the compliments about the dialogue! I really just let it flow on it's own and I am pleased that it had a 'Mean Girls' feel to it. Of course, Dominique's cronies have a lot more to them than tittering in agreement to her plans, but that will be shown later on.

This is one of the major issues about basing a story on a myth- not many people are going to know the myth. In this case, I'm hoping that the storyline will speak for itself so while it's welcome that some people are familiar with the myth, it isn't really necessary to know it. The story isn't strictly following those plot lines because I've tried to put my own twist on things.

Anyway, this review was absolutely gorgeous! I was literally gaping at how well you break down the story into its respective elements, making it much easier for me to know where to plug in some holes in the chapter. I will definitely re-request once the next chapter has been posted. Thanks again!

Well, I know nothing about the myth, but I think you've cleverly deceived me into wanting to learn about mythology! ;)

This is really well written and very interesting. I particularly like how you call them... 'bubble head.' It has a nice ring to it.

I'm excited to see what Priscilla's reaction to the win is, especially considering Dominique is *livid*! I do hope Psyche doesn't get hurt!

All in all, this was a very good, albeit short, chapter. The nameless girls talking to Dominique were funny, although I would have liked to know their names (even if it was through Dominique's thoughts and she forgot one of their names or something), but other than that the only CC I have is that it's too short.

You have a great premise on your hands and with your writing I believe you can execute this marvellously!

Amazing job!
Lo:)

Author's Response: Hi Lo! Sorry for taking this long to respond!

Psyche and Eros isn't a very popular myth, although I know that Rick Riordan made a small reference to it in his latest book. I thought it would be interesting to incorporate that story into the Wizarding World, albeit with a couple of changes. Plus I'm a huge fan of Greek Mythology, so this has been quite fun to write!

Bubble head is actually something my Biology teacher used to call these girls in my class due to their extraordinarily immature behavior. I've always wanted to use that term and I'm glad you liked it.

Dominique sure is livid. Pricilla is going to be in some hot water, that's for sure. What can I say? Veela tempers are frightening. Even if this particular one is only one-eight Veela.

The girls talking to Dominique will be introduced in a more detailed fashion in the chapters to come. They have a pretty important role to play in the shaping of the plot. I apologize for the length, it's only a prologue but I have a feeling that the rest of the chapters are going to be about the same size. Unless I can manage to stretch things a bit.

Thank you so much for all the words of encouragement. This is the first story I've written that isn't a one-shot, so I'm very happy that you think it's off to a good start!

I really enjoyed this first chapter! I am an absolute sucker for mythology, especially Greek mythology, so I can't wait to see where you go with this particular myth!

I think, so far, the story flows very well! I liked that you kept an air of mystery and suspense in this first chapter, because that always keeps readers coming back for more! I know that I, personally, want to find out more about Pricilla Bones, and why exactly it is that Rachel calls her Psyche, and find out what Dominique's scary plan is going to be.

I also don't think you have anything more that needs to be explained, at least not in this chapter. I always grow weary of authors information dumping in their first chapters, so I'm really glad you haven't done this!

Now, onto the characters! I love both of the characters you have introduced so far. Dominique seems like she is going to be such a fun character to write and read about. I love reading about characters who are fundamentally nasty, especially ones who enjoy the Queen of the School status, so it is going to be fun to find out more about Dominique. Is there a reason she is the way she is? Oh, and I loved her 'minions' by the way!

So far, I think Rachel is my favourite character. She seems very down to earth, much more so than Dominique, and I love her dream with the Daily Prophet, and the fact that she is the editor of a trashy gossip magazine, in the hope of fulfilling her dreams in later life. I want to know more about her friendship with Pricilla, and how they all come to blows in later chapters!

Awesome first chapter!

Courtney:)

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for this wonderfully helpful review! Sorry for taking this long to respond.

I'm really a sucker for Greek Mythology too! It's awesome to see how diverse readers and writers are over here! I was afraid that everyone would be limited to Harry Potter but I'm glad that's not the case!

I was trying really hard to grasp the readers attention by not revealing too much of the plot in the first chapter. I was worried that I hadn't left enough of the plot to give the chapter structure and I am happy to see that that is not the case.

Dominique is going to be really fun to write about. I always get excited while writing from the villains perspective (not that I have had much experience) because I like writing very flamboyant character who just like to stir up trouble. Dominique fits this role perfectly. There is a reason why she is acting like this, but I really want to keep that for the suspense's sake!

I think that Rachel is the most like me, which is why I find her the easiest to write. She's very determined and loyal, but not your regular doormat. Pricilla and her have been friends for years but they are nearly opposites in terms of character. I can't wait to post the next chapters!

Thanks so much for reviewing! I am really thrilled by your kind words :)

I like your theme of having ties to Greek mythology in your stories! That's quite an interesting angle to write from.

Having a Hogwarts gossip magazine is quite funny. I mean, it's very teenager-ish to get caught up in that. Dominique seems to like being the queen bee.

Rachel may well have caused WW3. I like her dream of becoming editor of the Daily Prophet and the school magazine is a good stepping stone. It sounds like Rachel has a small crush on Pricilla :) I mean, her description sounds like a more than friends observation to me.

I hope Dominique doesn't go too crazy over the 43 vote margin.:-/ It's just a school thing after all. Oh well, it's good drama for reading!!

-Rose

Author's Response: Thanks! I'll reviewing your story in a bit!
I agree, having a gossip magazine is rather teenager-ish. Dominique likes being marvelled for her beauty and the minute something is off in her system she gets really mad. Thus, Rachel probably did cause WW3, although it isn't necessarily her fault. I mean, she couldn't control the votes.
Hm..Rachel has a crush on Pricilla? Perhaps :)
Ooh, I have a feeling that Dominique is going to go VERY crazy over the 43 vote margin. Beauty is the one thing that she holds onto. Thanks for the wonderful review!

Ooh! Stories based on Greek myths are so much fun! I'm so glad that you've chosen one of the few that actually have a happy ending - I hope this one does, too!

So I'm guessing that Dominique will play the part of Venus. Poor Pricilla - I do not envy her at all in that respect. To be honest though, I am far more intrigued by Rachel at the moment. She seems like someone who has ambitions and the little that I know of her so far is incredibly intriguing. I hope that her story is told too! Oh, and by the way - why does she think of Pricilla as Psyche? Does Pricilla already have an Eros hidden somewhere? ;)

A nice start! I'm super excited to see where you go with this!

Author's Response: Yay, first reviewer!
I'm a sucker for Greek Mythology and so when I found this myth, I couldn't resist spinning a story around it.
Yep, Dominique is Venus. It seemed apt with her Veela blood and stunning looks. Pricilla is certainly in for a tough time.
Rachel is a new addition to the myth. She's a rather mysterious character although amazingly loyal to her friends. She gave Pricilla the nickname because Pricilla has the knack for figuring what people are thinking...most of the time. I was supposed to save this for the next chapter :P
As for Eros...I'm definitely going to save his identity for the next chapter. Safe to say, Pricilla doesn't have an Eros yet, though she will soon ;)
Thanks so much for reviewing!