Food shows! First, it was Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern on the Travel Channel, where Zimmern suddenly dropped into his monologue that he was homeless for a year. With no explanation.

And now? The same thing happened on Extreme Chef (Food Network) last week! One of the contestants casually mentioned in his voiceover, as I watched him run inside an ice warehouse for a rabbit carcass, that he had been homeless. Once again, no explanation. My husband looked at me and waited. I was already gesturing aggressively towards the T.V.

“Again?” I cried.

“I know! You should write about it,” he replied enthusiastically. “That is weird.”

“Is it a chef thing?” we wondered. Is that why they don’t mind the 100-degree kitchen and unreasonable hours? And why they always want to be surrounded by food? Any food?

Of course, this also had me going back through life’s little gems so I could provide you with a new list of conversation bombs. Yes, these are all things people have actually said to me. Give a girl some warning, wouldja?

“You have really huge pupils.”

“You don’t have to go home for Father’s Day. I can find you some fathers.”

“I like all kinds of houses. Except bi-levels.” (I live in a bi-level.)

“It’s a good thing you lost weight. A girl your age shouldn’t be fat.”

“We bought a pet scorpion.”

“New York City. Where is that?”

And a special guest contribution from my hubster, Peppermeister – a conversation he had at work [with a fellow teacher] some years ago:

Ms. Teacher: Do you know anyone who wants a dog?

Peppermeister: No, why? Are you getting rid of your dog?

Ms. Teacher: Yeah. My husband’s leaving me, and taking the house, and the apartment I’m living in doesn’t allow pets.