Sometimes, life is strange. You think you've written out the perfect chapter, then someone comes along and tears out the page.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

A Spoonful of Sugar Helps You Swallow Your Pride

I used to work with this magazine. I really lived and breathed it; The Hubby and I always argued about it. It was draining, but I loved it.

But it wasn't meant to be.

We parted ways amicably. I wished them well. I wanted that magazine to come out spectacularly. After all, that was my title, my tagline. My ideas were melded with it; part of me is in that magazine, no matter what happened.

It's finally out, a bit early, actually. And it looks good. Of course, the editor in me can't help but nitpick. But for a first issue, I have to say it's a good job. I have mixed emotions though. I'm happy for them. And I'm happy that I was part of the starting up. But--big but here, and I'm not refering to my own--I also feel this terrible disappointment.

I worked on it. Hard. And I'm not even part of it now. And my ego is hurting terribly. I can feel this huge lump in my chest. It's heavy and choking me up. Because deep, deep down, there's this part of me that wanted them to fail. Spectacularly.

I recently read about David, how he so wanted to build the grandest temple for God. But being a warrior king, he was tainted with the blood of his enemies, and God did not want a man of war to build his temple. God told David that it would be his son, Solomon, who would build it.

Did David stomp off in a huff? No. He said, "Ok, Lord. Whatever you say," and he went on to make the plans and gather the materials--for the temple that he wanted to build but could not; for the temple that would not even be credited to his name.

I pray that's how I react. With obedience and grace.

Lord, let me be like David. Let me swallow my pride. Because I know you have something greater planned for me. And that's all the sugar I need.

hey ree, i feel you. if it helps, ive learned that the thing about pride is, there's a silent kind... the one that puts a secret smile on your face when everybody else is looking another way. you dont even need to swallow it. innately, that alone makes you greater than most people who haven't learned the taste of it :) youre meant for greater things, sis, we are sure of it :)