I believe I have had enough!

I love my husband. I do…I really do. But I have had enough of his teenage Juvenile delinquent son! My step son, as some of you know, was arrested this summer around the end of June. 5 felony counts which were dropped down to only the weapons charge (as if that isn’t bad enough) in a plea agreement. All he has to do is be drug tested now twice a week (that was only once but the parole officer upped that one), pay a 300 dollar fine, write a paper on peer pressure, do 24 hours of community service, go to school, stay away from his druggy friends, and get counseling. Well guess what…he can’t do any of it, except the drug tests which have come up, according to the parole officer, diluted hence (yes I said hence) the upping of the testing from once a week to twice.

He has been leaving the house without telling anyone, hanging out with his drug addict friends (who are all over 18 by the way) skipping school, punching holes in our walls,and being a general pain in the rear. My husband said this past weekend he had finally had enough and that he wasn’t allowed to come back to our house, in fact he was going to call the parole officer and tell her what was going on and probably he would end up in the detention center. GOOD! That is what he needs! But guess what…one call from his ex and it is back to the same old crap. And honestly I am so totally done with it. My kids have moved out, and in with their dad because my step son is so violent and they are afraid of him. My health is not great because of the stress. Frankly, I have been gracious, forgiving and patient…but how much is enough?

Maybe I’m not being a good christian because I have given up…or have I actually given up if in fact I want him to get help that we as parents cannot provide him? His mom and dad are not strong enough to deal with him. I am definitely not strong enough to deal with him.

so, today I told my husband that I cannot be here any more when his son is here. I’m not sure where I will go or what I will do, but I am tired of being put in last place, of our whole family being put in last place because of this boy who doesn’t give a darn about anyone but himself. I just don’t know at this point what else to do!

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5 thoughts on “I believe I have had enough!”

I had a next door neighbor in similar circumstances once excetp it was their adopted son. eventually the state took custody of him, had him in a home for boys until he turned 18. when he did turn 18 she picked him up, drove him to a hotel and gave him some money and told him do not come back. He didn’t. and guess what? they were a christian family who were excercising tough love. it’s that deep down love you pull from nowhere that you know has to find your step son on it’s own before he can get help. I say good for you. You stepping aside for a breather and stay somewhere at another relatives or whatever is so much better than you being sick because the step son is a constant source of stress for you. there is such a thing as loving someone from afar. Protect your children and yourself, and maybe your husband will consider having his son given to state custody.

Thanks for that. I am hoping that he (my husband) will get a clue that everyone he loves is backing out of his life because of his son. I believe in tough love and you can bet if it were my kids in this same situation he would be wanting to excersize his right at tough love!

I’m so sorry for what you are going through. We’ve have gone through almost the exact same misery with our son. The drugs, holes in the wall, violence, uncontrolled anger, meaness, swearing etc., etc. Our other children were also afraid to live with our son he was so mean and crazy. Most of our other children were too young to move out and the situation was very mentally damaging to them. We went to our religious leader and he told us our son needed to be out of the home. We knew he needed to be but we needed some guidance as to how we could really help him and us. Our son was 17 so we put him in a boys rehab home –it truly saved us. He now lives with a relative and has not gone back to his horrible lifestyle. We keep in touch with him and let him know we love him and spend time with him every couple of months. He still has some anger toward us. I know we were guided to do the right thing. Our prayers have been answered. When he can show that he can stay away from druggie friends and be kind to everyone in the home we would love him to come back. You should not have to go through this any longer. You sound like a good christian to me and I wish you all the best and encourage your husband to get his son out and get some serious help because that is what it will take. You’re in my prayers.( I’ve used a fictitious name and email to protect my sons identity.)

My step son is now in jail for a while. After that I am not sure what is going to happen. But he no longer lives with us. however it will take some time to repair the emotional damage that was caused by him being here!