Droppin' it 'til I drop. Not quite kid friendly or safe for work. Batteries not included. Wash hands after use. Close cover before striking.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Erection 2006:Don't Get Too Comfy,Steve-O

For the first time since the start of campaigning, the Tories have gained a bit of a lead in the polls.

Of course, if you believe in every poll, you'd believe anything. And Steve-O is in danger of contracting the bane of every aspiring politico: COMPLACENCY.

In the latest IPSOS-REID poll, the Tories lead the Grits 35 to 31 - pretty damn slim for such a horse race. The NDP - who may or may not hold the key to power - trails with 18, the Bloc with 12 and the Greens (potential spoilers?) with 5.

What do these numbers mean? Absolutely nada!

One must take into consideration that the 416/905 area code, due to Trudeau-era immigrants and powerbrokers, has a tendancy to vote for the best Pork providers, hence the continuing possibility of an unbroken Grit hegemony, scandals and recent demands for changes notwithstanding. And just a couple of hours ago, the Paulyanna Crew countered the Tories' attack ads with one of their own - you could vote for Paul Canada or you could go for Steve BusHitler. Vote for peace or vote for involvement in Iraq (Steve-O said that he won't send us there: what Green are the Grits smoking, Man?). Blah blah blah - the ad is like their ass-kiss promos: too cute for words.

This means that the Tories should do a slight change in strategy for their attacks. Too much navel-gazing on the scandals and corruptions will tire out potential voters, who might have to resort to "strategic voting" to keep out "scaremongering" Tories and possibly bring back Yet Another Minority Government™. This is something that Steve-O should've had on mind while in London, ON, saying...

"We're going to paint this whole region Tory blue on Jan. 23," he told the eight-riding rally. "This election will mark . . . the start of a bright new future for this great city and (Canada)."

Careful now, Steve-O. It's still a little too early to break out the party hats. Plus, you're in Ontario, you Meatball, where Pork is considered a staple, along with Palm Grease, Back Scratches and Brown Noses. Not to mention the occasional Pie in the Sky.

Predictions about the outcome of the vote have been strictly taboo with the Conservative leader and his advisors, as they fear a repeat of the 2004 election, when Harper started musing about forming a majority government as the Tories surged ahead in the polls about midway through the early-summer campaign.

His hopes were dashed as voters returned the Liberals to power, albeit in a precarious minority position.

It has only been in the last few days as a handful of public opinion surveys have put the Conservatives in front that Harper has been willing to even publicly broach the subject of forming a minority government of his own.

Even with his reluctant assertion, he cautioned supporters Friday not to become overconfident.

"We have a long way to go," he said. "Don't trust the polls. Don't start counting seats."

If anyone could remember, the Grits were in the midst of a certain scandal in the Last Election, yet due to a good dose of conspiracy scaremongering - well, you get the picture.

But, this time, the Tories should have their act together if they really want to unseat the Gritty Hegemony. Sprinkle some incompetance, inactivity and inconsistency along with corruption charges in the attack ads, and the masses should vote accordingly.