Pretending all is “fine” when it isn’t

Men in anger management have huge walls to defend themselves from feeling vulnerable. It is a great recipe for an unhappy relationship and exacerbates the anger between couples. If a man is upset, his partner picks up the vibes, asks him what is wrong? He defiantly says “Nothing I’m fine” She leaves upset knowing he is withholding something and she will put a further negative spin on it.

What’s the point of holding back? What is he afraid of? Of course that is the last thing a man will admit to that he is vulnerable, that is a sure sign of weakness. To keep his masculine image of self sufficiency requires a tight lip of OK. It generally goes way back to some disapproval when he was kid and the reaction his parents had when he showed some fears that were not respected. Fearing he won’t belong he dries his eyes and smiles, with the adult partner he smiles sarcastically.

These are core issues, it is hard to look weak and yet he craves acceptance and re assurance. What can he do? Can he stay with these feelings of not looking good? Can he forgive himself for screwing up and still be OK with himself?. The paradox is the more he holds onto the outward image of looking powerful the more he is giving it away. The more vulnerable he feels the more likely he is going to attack her.

It is not easy to break through this, accept to know just about every man has had these feelings so you are not alone.