The throbbing bass of the stereo rattled the dingy windows of the two-story
house, and Nina wrinkled her nose at some unidentifiable, raunchy smell that wafted
in her direction. The house was being rented by a friend of a friend of a friend
of Katys, and word around campus was that this annual bash was legendary.

The girls had arrived several hours earlier, intent on unwinding and celebrating
the momentous occasion of completing their first month of college, but were disappointed
to find that most of the guests were strangers. Still, there was beer, although
it had grown warm as the evening progressed. And there was a selection of food
that consisted of more than just Doritos and pretzels, a rarity at student gatherings.
They were quickly encouraged to stay and enjoy the festivities.

A skinny man with a long nose, so long it resembled a beak more than any human
nose, bumped into Nina as he tried to shoulder his way past her.

"Hey." She flicked a dollop of beer suds off the arm of her shirt.
"Ugh. Gross."

Still juggling four dripping plastic cups of brew in his hands, he glanced
up at her and smiled, obviously pleased that his unintended victim just so happened
to be a pretty co-ed. Unconsciously, he straightened his back and opened his mouth,
but before he could say a word, Nina caught sight of Gwens flaming red hair
and began to weave her way through the throng of drunken partygoers. "Gwen,"
she said loudly, her voice not carrying over the music, laughter, and occasional
shriek from an unknown source. Her eyes fluttered closed as the thumping at the
base of her skull rivaled the beat of the music. Adding to her misery was the
intermingled smell of hops, perfume, cologne, and sweat. That, or the seven chicken
wings drenched in an indistinguishable sauce that shed recently consumed
and then washed down with two jumbo lukewarm beers, was making her sick to her
stomach.

Nina held up one hand and waved, hoping that her friend would spot her. "Gwen!"

The taller girl paused in her conversation with a small group of students from
her French class and glanced around, trying to locate her caller. When she spotted
Nina, she motioned her over. "Here!"

"Hey." Nina smiled at strangers as she joined the group. A little
green around the gills, she waved off the offer of another beer.

Nina chuckled. It was clear that every last one of them was as drunk as a sailor
on a three-day pass. She tilted her head up to speak directly into Gwens
ear in an attempt to be heard. "Lets find the others and go."

Gwen frowned. "You want the others to find snow? What will you do with
it if you get it?"

Nina rolled her eyes and pointed toward the door. "Go," she mouthed.
"I want to go."

Gwen shook her head firmly, the movement nearly causing her to slosh the contents
of her drink onto the floor. "Nuh uh. Im having too much fun."
Shed had several beers already and needed to concentrate to keep Ninas
face in focus. She plucked at Ninas wet sleeve. "What happened?"

Nina made a face. "Some jerk spilled beer on me." Then a warm hand
settled on her shoulder and she smiled without bothering to turn around, quite
certain who it belonged to. While neither Jacie nor Nina had had the courage to
take their relationship to the next level, both knew that they shared something
more than friendship.

"Hi, Jacie," Gwen said, taking another long sip of the heady brew.
"You dont look like youre having much fun."

Jacie plucked Gwens glass from her hand and polished off the contents
in one long sip. "Sure I am." She grinned wildly and licked away her
foam mustache.

The smile suddenly slid off Jacies face as she absorbed Ninas words.
"Are you really glad?" she asked with surprising seriousness, a tiny
pout forming.

Ninas heart clenched and she chided herself for letting Jacie's words
affect her so, knowing it was the alcohol that was talking. "Of course not,
Jace," she said tenderly, reaching up to clasp the hand that still rested
on her shoulder. "I was only teasing."

Jacies face was suddenly transformed by a lopsided grin. "Dont
worry. I wont be sick."

Curious, Gwen watched her friends, seeing them as if it were the very first
time.

Nina poked Jacies belly with mock fierceness. "But if you were sick"

"Youd be right there." Jacies grin grew. "Disgusted,
but there."

Nina laughed. "Exactly."

Dumbfounded, Gwen continued to silently observe her friends. The rest of the
room, she realized, had faded away for them; they only had eyes for each other.
She blinked slowly, letting the information penetrate the fog that shrouded her
senses. The shared smiles, the position of their bodies, the gentleness in Jacies
normal brash personality, and the openness in Ninas often quiet demeanor,
all told her one, utterly impossible thing. She grimaced as she felt an irrational
stab of envy at their obvious closeness, along with a wave of revulsion.

Gwen couldnt hear what was being said, but the look on Ninas face
said more than words ever could. Suddenly, she felt sick to her stomach. Their
relationship wasnt like that! It couldnt be. Shed known them
forever, and though it had been a while since either had been on a date, that
was just a social slump, not something more catastrophic. Of course, she
mused silently, even Audrey goes out more than they do, whereas they only seem
truly contented with each others company. On the other handGwens
rust-colored eyebrows contractedshed seen them both with boys, seen
them kissing boys, in fact.

She scrubbed her face with one hand, then hiccupped loudly. It was all so confusing.
Jacie suddenly handed her back the empty plastic cup. Dully, Gwen stared into
it, as though the answers to her questions might be written on the bottom.

The front door opened, pushing aside a group of students who were standing
in front of it, and Malcolm Langtree strode in, proud and tall. On his heels another
small group of rowdy-looking men and women, most of them several years older than
the college kids who already filled the house, pushed their way inside and headed
straight for one of the kegs of beer.

Instantly, Gwens thoughts were derailed. Malcolm was so handsome and
funny and his smile was so beautiful that she found herself sighing out loud.
She glanced back at Nina and Jacie, who were still talking. She looked harder,
but this time was unable to see what shed thought shed spotted only
seconds before. She swayed back a little into the person behind her. "This
beer is making me think the craziest things!" she announced good-naturedly,
putting her ridiculous thoughts behind her and focusing on something much more
pleasurable, like her new boyfriend.

"Whoa." Jacie's and Ninas hands shot out to grab Gwen, who seemed
to be tipping over.

"So are you," Gwen shot back, irritated at Jacie for pointing out
the obvious, and a little ashamed for overindulging. She turned toward Malcolm
and waited impatiently for his searching gaze to find hers.

"Its after midnight, you two. We all drank too much and its
time to go home," Nina said, yawning around the words. "Lets go.
Weve still got to find Audrey in all this mess. Shes driving."

Gwen chuckled to herself, recalling Audreys groaning protest that it
wasnt fair that she always ended up as the one who had to stay sober and
drive when the drinks were free.

A loud crash caused everyone to jump. And for a long second the room was silent
as everyone held their breath. Then a wave of laughter rolled over the crowd as
a young man opened his eyes, shook his head, and rolled off a pile of wood that
formerly had resembled a dining room table. His hysterical buddies helped him
to his feet, before he collapsed down upon the pile again.

Jacie shook her head. "We are never having a party at our place. This
house is going to be trashed by morning."

Ninas eyes widened as she took in the destruction around her. "You
mean it isnt already?"

"Hello, ladies." Malcolm, dressed in a tight-fitting, mint green
Polo shirt with the collar turned up, sidled next to them and then focused on
the young woman who had captured more than his attention. He smiled boyishly.
"Hello, Gwendolyn."

Gwen fought hard not to swoon.

Jacie sniggered. "Gwendolyn?" Shed never heard Gwen go by her
full name.

"What is it, Jacie Ann?" Gwen asked in a sugary voice, emphasizing
the full name Jacie's family usually used.

Nina covered her mouth to keep from laughing at how quickly that wiped the
smug look from Jacies face.

Malcolm wrapped a long arm around Gwens shoulder. Clearly smitten, he
pulled her close. "There were rumors all the way over at my fraternity that
there was a party going on here and, more importantly, that there was a beautiful
girl here who was not to be missed." He kissed her cheek. "The rumors
were true."

Gwen blushed becomingly, and Jacie and Nina both rolled their eyes, quite sure
if there were a rumor like that floating around that Gwen would have been sure
to have started it herself.

"We were just leaving," Nina announced, seeing that her friend wasnt
going to want to go any time soon. She wrinkled her nose and sighed. "I have
to work tomorrow."

Malcolms eyes went round. "But tomorrows Saturday!" He
protested in horror, clutching Gwen a little tighter as if to ward off the disgusting
words.

"No kidding," Jacie said dryly, doing her best not to hold Malcolms
privileged background against him. She had to work the next day and she knew that
Gwen did too.

"Lets dance," Gwen said abruptly, before Jacie went and did
something stupid and told Malcolm about her own afternoon shift at JC Pennys
the next day. She wrapped her arms around his belt and began tugging him in the
direction of a corner of the room where the people were, despite the fast tempo
of the deafening music, slowly swaying and playing tonsil hockey.

His eyes lit up. In the weeks theyd been dating, she hadnt done
more than give him gentle and all-too-brief kisses on the cheek and lips. "Yes,
maam!" he replied happily, waggling his fingers at Nina as he allowed
Gwen to drag him where he most certainly wanted to go.

"Guess she found her ride home," Jacie surmised, happy for Gwens
good fortune with Malcolm. Despite being ignorant of the realities of middle and
lower class life, he truly seemed like a good guy. Maybe Gwens mother had
been right all long. It was just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a
poor one, shed said. And that appeared to be the truth, at least for Gwen
Hopkins.

Nina rubbed the bridge of her nose and whimpered. "Is the music getting
louder or is it just that my head is getting ready to explode?"

Jacie gave her a sympathetic look. Her parents were both smokers and the thick
cloud that permeated the room was all but unnoticed by her. She knew, however,
that it didnt take long to make Nina feel puny. "Were off. We
can walk and let Audrey drive Gwen home if Malcolm doesnt."

Nina smiled, relieved. "Deal." They set out to find Audrey and Katy
to let them know their plans.

Large, cardboard signs that had been placed all over the house declared the
upstairs bedrooms off-limits and so the crowd was sparse there compared to the
rest of house. It held only a few brave couples who were using the rooms as hiding
places to make-out, and a snaking line of partygoers waiting impatiently to use
the houses only working bathroom.

A pair of angry girls were banging on the bathroom door and cursing. "Cmon,
your turn's up!"

Jacies eyes traveled the length of the line. "I dont see them,"
she said loudly.

Nina looked toward the bathroom, hearing the faint sound of raised voices from
behind the bathroom door over the noise in the hallway. "They must be in
the bathroom."

Jacies eyes widened. "Together?"

The word was still hanging in the air when the bathroom door flew open and
a red-faced Katy stormed out with Audrey following right behind her.

The line of people all cheered.

"Yeah, yeah," Katy mumbled in acknowledgment, flipping them the bird
as she headed for the stairs.

"Whats wrong?" Nina asked Audrey.

"Shes mad," Audrey explained, pushing her way between two rather
large men. "Excuse me. Uff Coming through."

"I can see shes mad," Jacie said. "Steam is pouring out
of her ears like on the cartoons. But why?"

They made their way down the stairs, with Katy leading a fiery path to the front
doorway.

"Because," Audrey continued, setting her near empty cup on a coffee
table as they moved. "I told her she couldnt sleep with every guy she
thinks is cute. The bathroom was the only place with a little privacy."

Katy whirled around and pointed an angry finger at her cousin, beyond caring
that they were now having this discussion in public. "I do not do that, Audrey,"
she ground out, her eyes flashing.

Audrey lifted her chin along with one eyebrow and Jacie and Nina exchanged
worried glances. That meant she wasnt backing down. "And just where
did I find you after I spent 30 minutes looking for you?" Imperiously, she
tossed a shock of curls over one shoulder as she waited for Katys answer.

"Where I was is none of your business."

Audrey turned to Jacie. "She was in one of the bedrooms with some guy
she met ten minutes earlier."

"Shut up, Audrey," Katy warned darkly, a flush working up her neck.
"His name is Frank and I met him a couple of hours ago and all we were doing
is kissing." She swallowed, her mouth already feeling cottony after several
hours of drinking. "Which we would still be doing if you hadnt so rudely
interrupted us!"

Audreys eyes softened, but she pressed forward because she truly believed
what she was saying was for Katys own good. "Do you really know this
guy?"

Katys cheeks flushed even darker when she was forced to admit that she
didnt know much more than she was attracted to him and that the feeling
was mutual. "You are walking home!" She waved a jangling set of keys
in front of Audreys face.

"Why did Audrey give her the car keys?" Nina whispered loudly to
Jacie. "Now well have to wrestle them away from her."

"Nuh uh." Jacie could hardly contain her laughter as she pointed
to the keys that Katy thought were her car keys but was too tipsy to notice were
really the keys to Audreys gym locker.

"The hell Im walking home," Audrey said, easily waving off
Katys threat. "It might be your car, but Im the designated driver
tonight." She put a hand on one hip. "And just so you know, no guy is
going to buy the cow if he gets the milk for free."

"Jesus, you sound just like Granny, or even worse, Gwen!" Katy rolled
her eyes petulantly, but her anger was already draining away. Audrey had always
been there to watch her back, and she hers; it was comforting as few things in
her life were. And yet, sometimes, especially now that they were in college, the
closeness was like wearing a tight wool sweater in July.

"This is the 1980s, not the 50s, and I control my own body,"
Katy said. Her tone was as serious as Jacie and Nina had ever heard it. "Its
my milk to give."

"And are you happy with all these boyfriends who dont mean anything?"
Audrey asked pointedly, unfazed by the fact that they were having such a private
conversation in the middle of a party. "Because if you are, you can make
ice-cream with your milk for all I care." She crossed her arms over her ample
chest. "I want you to be happy, but I dont think you are."

"Audrey!"

"Yeah, yeah." Audrey held up her hands. "I just get worried
about you, Katy. Its dangerous to go off alone with a virtual stranger.
And what happens when you meet some guy you really love and he finds out youve
made out with every other guy on campus?"

"Hell wonder why he wasnt lucky enough to meet me sooner?"

"Hell think youre easy."

"But I" Katy paused mid-sentence and sighed. It wasnt
that Audrey was a prudeshe wasntit was more that she was a starry-eyed
romantic who didnt seem to understand that real life wasnt like the
Harlequin Romances her mother bought by the dozen at every yard sale in Hazelton.

Katy nodded a little, reluctantly acknowledging Audreys genuine concern.
When she didnt say more as she turned around and started walking again,
her friends knew the argument was over.

***

An hour-and-a-half passed with the party still going strong, but by two a.m.
the crowd had thinned considerably, leaving behind mostly latecomers and those
too drunk to travel.

Malcolm was seated at a sticky coffee table with Gwen sitting next to him as he
played poker with several Rivermen baseball players.

"You want another beer?" Gwen asked, reaching high above her head
and stretching the kinks out of her shoulders. She still had a strong buzz going,
though things werent quite as fuzzy as they had been a couple of hours earlier.

Malcolm took the opportunity to drop his cards and tickle her stomach. To his
delight, Gwen giggled wildly as he tortured her. "Sure," he chuckled
and reached to tickle her underarms where he knew his actions would have their
most devastating effect. "But only if youre getting one for yourself."

"Ugh!" She finally wiggled free, then leaned over and gave him a
sloppy kiss on the cheek, then lips, feeling more uninhibited than she could remember.
A large portion of the smoke had cleared, and although the music was still pounding,
the crowd had thinned to the point that she felt like she could breathe again.
She also noticed another very strong sensation. "Youll have to wait
for your beer now. After all that tickling, I have to use the bathroom."
She blushed fiercely when Malcolm lifted his eyebrows.

"Do you want me to walk you up?"

Im in love with him, she thought giddily. Its only been
a few weeks, but its true. Gwen laughed, having more fun than she had
in ages. "No, silly." Her gaze drifted to the stairwell. The line to
the bathroom was gone. "I saw Phyllis from my Western Civilization class
heading up there a few minutes ago, but I havent seen her since. There must
still be a line upstairs." She giggled inwardly. Or she and that short
boy with the glasses are going at it hot 'n heavy in one of the bedrooms.

Malcolm looked doubtful. "Youre sure? I can"

"Come on, Malcolm!" the other card players moaned. "Youre
holding up the game, man," the second basemen said. "For Christs
sake, let her go pee on her own. Shes not that drunk."

Malcolm began to bristle but was quickly soothed by Gwen standing and affectionately
ruffling his hair. "Ill be back after I wait in the never ending line
from hell."

He grabbed her hand and gave it a little squeeze before letting go and focusing
on his cards. "If youre not back in 30 minutes, Ill look for
the puddle," he called after her, his eyes on a pair of aces. The games
other players laughed loudly.

Sure enough, there was a line for the bathroom, but it was blessedly short
and consisted of total strangers.

"They fixed the bathroom downstairs," one of the women told the other.

Gwen nodded a little. No wonder the line here had dwindled to nothing. "Lucky
us."

Happily, the souls in front of her were quick to do their business, and in
only a few minutes she was at the head of the line with no one behind her to talk
to.

Two more minutes, and a husky woman with the biggest hair Gwen had ever seen,
staggered from the bathroom.

"Careful," Gwen warned the woman as she nearly collided with her.

"Whoops!" Rubber-legged, the woman swerved to miss Gwen, then fell
with a mighty thud. "Ouch," she said slowly. She glanced around, clearly
confused. "Why am I on the floor?"

Gwen smothered a snort. "You fell. Are you okay?"

"I think so."

Gwen bent unsteadily to help her, making certain the woman had a good hold
of the stair railing before her bladder, protesting loudly, forced her to hurry
back toward the bathroom door. Gwen's hand had just clasped the cool metal of
the doorknob when she felt two warm arms wrap around her and a stubbly cheek nuzzle
her neck from behind.

She smiled. Being in love was, she decided, everything shed hoped it
would be. "Decided you had to go too, huh? God, dont squeeze too hard,
Malcolm. Ill have an accident," she chuckled. "I swear."
She took a step into the bathroom expecting him to let go. Instead, she was followed
inside and she let out a surprised laugh. "You cant come in here with
me. Thats gross."

Gwen glanced down at the arms that were still wrapped snuggly around her trim
waist. A dark sweatshirt covered them. It took only a second for it to register
that Malcolm hadnt been wearing long sleeves. Her heart leapt into her throat.
"Mal"

She screamed as she was shoved headfirst all the way inside the small room.
The room went black as the harsh florescent lights were flicked off and a strong
hand slammed her head against the tank of the porcelain commode.

Her world exploded in pain.

"Shhh," a low voice hissed, the sound dancing at the ragged edges
of her awareness.

Stars invaded her vision for several long seconds as fingers dug into her neck
and she felt salty sweat from the tank dampen her cheek and trickle downward.
She blinked dazedly, her head swimming as she clung to consciousness. Was that
blood she tasted? "Puh... Uh... Ungh."

Gwen tried to bring a shaking hand to her forehead. Then she weakly pushed
up from her belly-down position on the toilet. But on her way up, her wrist was
instantly grasped and a heavy body molded itself to her back, threatening to send
her to her knees. She screamed again as she tried to turn around, but the fingers
moved from her wrist to wind themselves into her hair.

She sucked in a breath when her head was savagely yanked backwards, the skin
on her face pulled tight enough to expose her bloody teeth.

"Bitch." The word was spoken harshly, directly into her ear, hot
breath raising the hairs on the back of her neck, before the hot breath disappeared.

"No!" she cried, panic hitting her full force. But she only had time
to gasp before she felt more than heard a low growl. Her face was slammed against
the tank lid again. The loud crunch of her mouth and nose against the porcelain
caused her stomach to lurch and this time the dancing stars couldnt be blinked
away.

Her breathing came in short pants as she tasted her own blood and smelled urine
and beer. One of her arms was twisted high on her back and she squealed in pain,
the searing sensation snapping her mind in better focus. "What why
are doing this?" She thought shed said the words out loud, but she
couldnt hear them over her thundering heart.

Fingers fumbled over her face until her chin and cheeks were being grasped
so tightly that bruises instantly rose to the surface of the soft skin. "Shh!"
Then, the fingers gentled and patted her in a comforting motion, much as a parent
would a child.

He hiccupped loudly, then clapped his hand over her mouth, his body shaking
with silent, drunken laughter.

Her heart was pounding so hard that every beat hurt. The hand quickly left
her face and grabbed hold of the waistband of her jeans, jerking her up so that
one of her knees came to rest on the fuzzy toilet seat lid. She felt fingers fumbling
at the button of her jeans and what was about to happen slammed home with devastating
force, causing bile to rise in her throat. "Stop," she moaned hoarsely,
the faint vision of the dark toilet swimming in front of her.

A leg worked its way between hers; at the same time her jeanss button
finally came free.

"Stop. Stop. Stop." Her arm was near breaking, and she could feel
the tendons tearing as stabbing pains tore through her elbow and shoulder. She
drew in an uneven breath and began to sob. "Please, pl-please stop!"
she begged, her body fighting to distance itself from her attacker though she
had no place to go. Why is he doing this? Why isnt someone helping me?
God, Im screaming!

Her jeans and panties were torn down in a single move, scraping her hips on
the way down. Then in a panting rush, he struggled with his own pants.

Gwen resigned herself to her arm snapping in two and she opened her mouth to
call out, only to have her face pushed hard against the wet toilet tank, blood
marring the white surface, his fingers digging into her cheeks.

"Dont you fuckin move," the man breathed as he positioned
himself behind her, his erection brushing the baby-soft skin on her bottom. "Shh!"

Gwen could feel the thrumming beat of the music against her face as the entire
house seemed to vibrate with the rhythm of the song. Oh, God. Oh, God.No one can hear me, she thought desperately.

He pushed forward, spreading her legs farther apart with a strong thigh, his
hand muffling most of her cries.

Then there was a knock on the bathroom door.

The man froze, nearly inside her. And for a second, so did Gwen. But her paralysis
only lasted a split second, and she began to thrash around.

He laid all his weight atop her, crushing her against the toilet and covering
her head completely. She smelled the pungent odor of sweat mixed with cologne
and began to gag, her throat burning. His chest was pounding so hard that she
could feel it through his clothes, and she fuzzily realized that his heart was
beating every bit as fast as hers.

Seconds passed.

Please open the door. Open it! Open it! Open it! Gwen prayed woozily.

Then there was another knock. "Hurry it up!" an impatient female
voice called.

Gwens entire body jerked when her attacker lifted his head and made a
series of booming retching noises. She supposed it was some sort of trick to make
the person on the other side of the door go away, because he wasn't really sick
and his body shook with silent chuckles between each retch. She waited, her heart
slamming against her ribs, just knowing that the door would open any second and
the room would be flooded with light and that Malcolm or someone else would save
her. Instead, she heard nothing but the music and the mans harsh breathing.

She began to cry again.

Her captor, suddenly angry at being interrupted, pushed off of her roughly.
In his haste to get back into position, he grabbed her good arm and wrenched it
up her back, placing his other hand in her hair, and holding her face down so
hard that her teeth hurt and her own drool pooled in her cheeks.

She whimpered as her injured arm swung down off her back to hang loosely by
her side. Im gonna be sick. "Sick I" This
cant be happening. It cant. Im gonna throw up.

A searing pain caused her to lurch forward as he entered her in one savage
thrust, and she cried out against the toilet tank. Her eyes opened wide in the
darkness, tears leaking down her cheeks and chin. Her stomach rebelled and she
began to vomit, tasting rank beer and soggy chips.

"Oh, yeah," he slurred, oblivious to her retching as he hissed out
the word in rapture. He grunted and bucked against her faster and faster. Panting
hard, he squeezed his butt cheeks together and it took only a few more savage
thrusts for him to come deep inside her, his hands tightening convulsively in
her hair and around her wrist.

Gwen spat and sucked in a deep lungful of air as his grip shifted, then loosened.

He groaned, then let go of her completely and staggered back a step.

Gwen fell forward, between the toilet and the wall, dizzy and sick as she continued
to throw up. She hurt everywhere and her upper thighs were slick and sticky. She
thought she heard his zipper being raised, and leaning unsteadily on one arm,
she dared to turn and face him, only to be hit in the face with a wet towel. For
a split second, it occurred to her that he might intend to kill her, to choke
her with the towel. Her heart stopped beating. Im going to die.

But he just stood there, motionless before her, his features totally unidentifiable
in the blackness, even the sound of his breathing swept away by the sounds of
the party, now that his lips werent pressed against her ear.

"Wipe. And thanks," he said, almost cheerfully, causing her to blink
and wonder if shed heard him correctly. In his drunkenness, he had extended
a hand to steady himself against the bathroom wall.

Thanks? "You bastard," she seethed, not caring whether he
struck her again. But instinctively, she followed his command and wiped at her
mouth and chin with the soiled towel.

He opened the bathroom door a crack and slowly poked his head outside. Light poured
in, temporarily blinding her, though she could see the vague outline of his body.
He wasnt nearly as big as hed seemed.

She dropped the towel as she cowered between the toilet and the wall, her whole
body shaking.

Without a glance back, he opened the door and then closed it again, leaving
her alone and crying on the dirty bathroom floor.

***

"I still dont see why you couldnt come back in the morning.
My ears havent recovered from earlier." Audrey yawned and eased her
way out from behind the wheel of Katys beat-up car. The crowd at the party
had grown so sparse that there were no longer any cars parked on the lawn, and
they were able to find a spot in front of the next door neighbors house.

"Because," Katy said, scrubbing her face, "the chances of my
purse still being here now are practically zip. There is no way on earth that
it would still be here in the morning." She glanced down at her cousin as
she walked, and lifted an eyebrow. "I could have driven myself, you know."

They continued to move up the sidewalk, stepping over empty beer cups and other
rubbish on their way to the front door.

Audreys eyebrows jumped. "With as much beer as youve had tonight?
I think not. Lets just find it and get out of here." Her tone of voice
was suddenly tired. "I need some sleep." Moodily, she shook her head
at the loud music that was still pouring through a few half-opened windows.

"I think I left it upstairs next to the bed in the first room on
the right," Katy mumbled, casting her eyes downward before they snapped back
up. "And dont you start with me!"

Audrey gave her shoulder a friendly pat as she opened the front door. "I
didnt say a word."

"But you wanted to."

"Well, duh."

Once inside, Katy inhaled a deep breath of smoky air that was tinged with the
acrid scent of marijuana. Pot, she had found out the hard way, made her sick.
But seeing all the other happy cigarette smokers made her a little peeved that
her roommates had taken a vote and forbade her from indulging inside their house.

Audrey waved her hand in front of her face. "Ugh. Where do we start?"

"God." Katy surveyed the wasteland around her, clucking her tongue.
"I dont want to have to touch anything here." Mostly sobered up,
she was surprised at how seedy her surroundings now appeared. She stepped aside
as a dancing couple nearly collided with her. "What were we thinking coming
to this dump?"

"Good question."

Katy sighed. "Lets go upstairs, get my bag, and go home."

Audrey nodded. "I" she stopped when a small group of young
men huddled around a table caught her eye. She lifted a hand and waved and called
out, "Hi, Malcolm." She automatically started looking for Gwen, surprised
that she wasnt seated next to him.

Malcolm reluctantly tore his eyes from his cards and spotted Audrey and Katy.
He glanced at his watch and frowned. Gwen had been gone for more than 20 minutes.
The faded sofa squeaked loudly as he stood and motioned the girls over.

"Didnt think youd still be here," Katy said, moving to
his side and plucking the cards from his hand to take a peek. With a dismayed
look, she promptly folded on his behalf by tossing his cards into the center of
the table.

Disgusted at his latest hand, Malcolm grunted his approval at her actions.

"Wheres Gwen?" Audrey spun in a circle as she gazed around
the room.

"Bathroom," Malcolm stated succinctly, taking his seat and waiting
for the next deal. "What do you women do in there, anyway? Shes been
gone forever."

Audrey just shrugged, but Katy smoothly answered in a raised voice and with a
Scarlet OHara accent, "Its because were trying to make
ourselves look pretty for you boys, Malcolm."

He completely missed the sarcastic edge that had entered her voice and nodded.
"Will you tell her to hurry up?" His glance darted sideways for a few
seconds before it reluctantly met Katys. He lowered his voice and said,
"I miss her."

"Awww ." the other poker players read his lips and began cooing
and making kissing noises as Malcolm's cheeks began to heat.

"Well bring her down with us," Katy assured him, impatiently nudging
Audrey forward and leaving Malcolm to his game.

The second floor appeared abandoned. The hall lights had been shut off and
cups and paper plates littered most of the floor, along with several unidentifiable,
but nasty-looking, stains.

Audrey wrapped her arms around herself as a shiver skittered down her back.
"Its creepy up here in this light." Only the faint golden glow
from the stairwell lit the space, casting long shadows across the walls.

"Hmm. No line at the bathroom either But yeah, it is a little spooky
up here." Katy ran her hands along the edge of the wall at the top of the
stairs until she found the hall light and flipped it on. They both squinted in
reaction.

"Where the hell is Gwen?"

Katy tilted her chin towards the bathroom. "Doors shut. She must
be inside. Ill check the room for my purse. You wanna wait for her to come
out or look in the room with me?"

Audrey grinned, catching the hopeful note of Katys question. "And walk
in just in time to see some greasy guys really hairy naked butt?" She
blanched. "No thanks. Ill leave that to you. Just make sure that you
dont get so interested in whats happening that you decide to join
in and leave me here in the hall waiting."

Katy stood outside the door, drawing in deep breaths and fortifying herself
before she loudly rapped on the door. "Im coming in to get my purse."
She covered her eyes with one hand. "If youre naked, crawl under the
covers, for Gods sake!" She cocked her head to the side. "Unless
youre really gorgeous. Then speak up and I wont cover my eyes."

Audrey chuckled as Katy entered the room, her chuckle turning to an outright laugh
when she heard Katy bump into something and let out a virulent string of curses.
She turned and knocked on the bathroom door. "Gwen? Are you there? Youre
not sick, are you?"

There was no answer.

Audreys forehead creased. "Gwen? Hello?" she called again,
this time more loudly.

When her second effort was met with silence, she gingerly got down on one knee
and looked under the crack beneath the door, seeing only darkness. "Huh.
Guess Malcolm was wrong," she muttered under her breath, groaning tiredly
as she pushed to her feet.

Audrey took a step to leave but was still curious. Something felt she
didnt know what. Wrong, maybe. Malcolm was engrossed in his game, but he
didnt seem at all ambivalent about where Gwen was. Giving in to her curiosity,
she tried the door handle, praying that it wouldnt be sticky like it was
the last time shed been in that bathroom. In contrast to the stifling heat
of the house it felt cool in her hand and a slight turn confirmed that it was
unlocked. Tentatively, she opened the door a few inches.

"Gwen?" There was still nothing. Audrey rolled her eyes at herself
and began to close the door, only to pause when she thought she heard a whimper.
When she pushed the door open a little further, what she saw caused the bottom
of her stomach to hit her knees.

"Shut the door!" Gwen moaned from her spot on the floor between the
toilet and the wall. "Shut it!"

Audrey blinked, momentarily frozen.

"Go away."

The rawness of that familiar voice snapped Audrey out of her momentary paralysis.
She reached for the light. "Gwen?"

"Dont turn that on," Gwen begged. "Please."

Audreys hand dropped from the switch and she rushed inside, her heart
in throat. "Are you hurt?" She glanced around quickly, trying to figure
out what could have happened. "Gwen, tell me what happened."

The taller girl began to sob, her face pressed tightly against her arms.

Audrey reached for her, only to have Gwen shrink back. Her entire body was
shaking.

"Are you hurt?" Audrey asked again, this time more firmly. "Tell
me, Gwen! I need to know if youre hurt."

"I-I-I" Gwen buried her face again, nodding wildly.

"Did you fall?" Audrey cursed herself for leaving Gwen at the party
after shed had so much to drink.

Gwen swallowed hard. She opened her mouth to tell Audrey what had happened, but
no words came out. Instead, she began to cry harder.

Just then Katy came to the door. "Whats up?" Automatically,
she flipped on the lights. "I found my Jesus!" she blurted when
she saw Gwen. Her mouth dropped open in horror.

The redheads hair was disheveled and her face was bloodied from a gash
on her forehead. Her cheeks were already sporting bruises in the shape of fingers,
and shed smeared blood down the sleeves of her blouse as shed cried,
leaving a series of startling scarlet imprints on the crisp, white cotton. Her
pants were still down around her ankles and she was clutching a dirty towel between
her legs. The towel was bloody, too.

"Oh, Gwen," Audrey said softly, closing her eyes.

Teary eyes lifted to meet Katys, and Katy dropped to her knees next to
Gwen.

"Gwen," Audrey said quietly, furious when she realized that her friend
couldnt hear her unless she raised her voice. She swallowed around a solid
lump that had formed in her throat. "Youre hurt. You need to go to
the hospital." She reached out to gently graze a purple cheek, her heart
hurting when Gwen flinched before she even touched her.

Katys hands balled into trembling fists. She wanted to murder whoever
had done this. "We need to call the police," she ground out briskly.

"No!" Gwen shouted through her tears. Forcefully she tugged at her
own hair as her mind raced. "You cant tell anyone. Not the police."
Then her eyes grew round as saucers and she began to panic. "And especially
not Malcolm!"

"Shh Cmere." Audrey pulled her into a gentle hug, heedless
of the blood on Gwen.

For a second, Gwen struggled. Then she let go of the towel and sank into Audreys
embrace, clinging to her desperately, her shoulders shaking as she cried silently.

Katy leaned forward and smoothed back a shock of messy red hair to place a
gentle kiss on Gwens head, her own tears dampening the pale skin. "Someone
raped you?" From the state Gwen was in and the towel between her legs, she
already knew the answer, but she had to be sure. Her chest clenched when Gwen
weakly nodded. "Audrey is right. You need a doctor."

"No!" Roughly, Gwen pulled away from Audrey, fitting herself back
between the toilet and the wall. She cried out when shooting pains shot through
her arm as she lifted it to wipe her cheeks. "No one can know, Katy."
Her eyes sparked. "I mean it."

Fearfully, Gwens face snapped upward when she saw a shadowy figure in
the hallway.

Katy looked over her shoulder and kicked the door shut with her foot.

"Hey!" an unidentified female voice yelled through the door.

"Go the fuck away," Katy barked.

Gwen jumped and Audrey shot Katy a warning glare.

Instantly contrite, she muttered, "Sorry."

Audreys insides were quaking with a combination of grief and fury. "Who
did this?" She grabbed a wad of toilet paper and tenderly wiped at Gwens
forehead. It was bleeding sluggishly. "I hate to ask this, Gwen. But was
it Malcolm?"

But Gwen continued as though she hadnt heard her friend. "I couldnt
see much. A man pushed me down. He came up behind me. It was dark. It wasnt
Malcolm. He was too short." She swallowed and more tears streaked her cheeks.
"I didnt do anything! This isnt my fault!"

Katy and Audrey both blinked. "We didnt"

"I was just coming to use the bathroom," Gwen moaned, slapping the
floor with both hands, furious because at herself for allowing this to happen.

Audrey took Gwens hand and rubbed the back of it with her thumb. "Of
course you were, Gwen. This wasnt your fault," she insisted gently.
"We know that." She turned to her cousin, who was visibly trying not
to burst into tears. "Right, Katy?"

"Hell yes, we do. Its the bastard that did this whos to blame."

Audrey nodded.

"We need to call the police," Katy said tightly. "This had to
have happened only a few minutes ago. He could still be in the house."

Katy nearly bit her tongue through, every cell in her body on the very verge
of protesting again when she let out a slow breath and hung her head in defeat.
"Ill make sure Malcolm is busy while you two go out through the kitchen
door. Ill meet you in the car."

Katy stroked Gwens hair. "Well all three stay together until
we reach the bottom of the stairs. There are still plenty of people downstairs.
Ill be fine there."

"Okay," Gwen conceded reluctantly. "If we stay together."

"Gwen?" Audrey said, causing her friends heads to turn. Her
voice cracked as she spoke. "Im so sorry this happened."

"Me, too," Katy groaned, covering her face with her hands.

Gwen gazed vacantly at the door and nodded slowly. She felt dirty and sick
and a big part of her wanted to curl up in the corner and die. She let out a soft
sigh, trying not to think about Malcolm and her parents or the man whod
taken more from her than she could fathom. "Me too."

***

Late Fall 1982 (Seven Weeks Later)

St. Louis, Missouri

The young women of the Mayflower Club were clustered in their pajamas on Gwens
twin bed, gathered there for a special announcement. A small lamp lit the corner
of the room along with a hefty dose of starlight that shown in the bedroom window,
closed tonight in deference to the cool breeze. Rain pitter-patted against the
window, and a fitful breeze rustled the piles of moist leaves and slapped barren
branches against the homes worn siding.

For the first time since the night of the party earlier that autumn, Gwen was
smiling.

Nina let out a breath in pure relief. Shed been ready for the worst when
Gwen insisted on making her visit to Planned Parenthood alone that afternoon.
Shed missed her period after the rape, sending the entire house into a state
of anxious worry. But this had to be good news.

Gwen drew in a deep breath, smiling when Jacie took one of her hands and squeezed
it affectionately. She squeezed back. "Malcolm has asked me to marry him,"
she announced.

Three mouths dropped open.

"He he has?" Jacie finally said, filling the awkward silence
that had suddenly overtaken the room. She cleared her throat when she realized
how she sounded. "I mean, he has?" she said more normally.

An enormous grin bloomed on Jacies face while Audrey, Nina, and Katy
smothered Gwen in a group bear hug. "Hes a great guy," Jacie said
honestly, her admiration showing.

"So things went okay at the clinic today?" Audrey asked, just to
be sure. The girls were beside themselves all afternoon, regretting that theyd
allowed Gwens stubbornness to win out when she announced she intended on
going to the doctor alone.

Gwens smile faltered, but only for a second. Then she nodded. "Things
worked out for the best. I really believe that."

Nina frowned and pulled one of her knees against her chest, her socked foot resting
flat on the flowered bedspread. She cocked her head to one side. "That means
youre not pregnant, right?"

"Jesus," Katy muttered while Jacie sat in shocked silence, her tongue
refusing to work at all.

"Are ?" Nina didnt really know what to say and a quick
glance at her friends revealed that they were all in the same shocked boat. "Are
you okay?"

Gwens chin trembled, and for the first time all day her brave veneer
began to crack. Then her expression turned bitter and she snorted. "Mentally
or physically?" She raised her eyebrows as she waited for an answer.

"Gwen." Jacie pulled her into a hug and pressed her lips to Gwens
ear. "Im so sorry." She wished again and again that Gwen had left
that godforsaken party with her and Nina that night. Or that she had stuck with
Gwen or done anything different that would have triggered a change in the course
of events that had shattered her friend.

Gwen wiped angrily at her eyes, not wanting to cry anymore. Shed done
little else for weeks, but now now things were finally getting better. Gently,
she disentangled herself from Jacie, feeling several warm pats of encouragement
as her other friends moved in to support her. "Im okay." With
effort, she was able to smile again. "Im going to have a baby and marry
someone I love." Cautiously, she searched their faces. "It doesnt
get much better than that, right?"

Katy looked away, unwilling to answer that question honestly. Jacie and Audrey
suddenly found something very interesting about Gwens bedspread.

"If you say so, Gwen," Nina said weakly, still not believing what
she was hearing.

"Malcolms a helluva guy," Jacie suddenly inserted, doing her
best to be positive in the light of news she couldnt help but view as horrible.
"Being willing to bring this baby into his family. I can see why you love
him so much."

Most of the color drained from Gwens face.

Audrey blinked slowly as realization dawned, the weight of it leaving her knees
rubbery and her chest heavy. "Oh, my God, Gwen." She turned to look
into watery eyes. "You didnt tell him what happened."

Katy sprung off the bed. "Holy shit!" she whispered into her hands.
"What have you done!" She shook her head, refusing to look at Gwen when
she said, "You suck."

Nina pinned Gwen with an intense stare. "No way, Gwen." She shook
her head gravely. This was going too far. "Tell us that Malcolm doesnt
think hes the father."

"He loves me!" Gwen defended hotly, refusing to answer Ninas
question, and grabbing her pillow and clutching it to her chest.

"No. No. No. This is impossible," Jacie said, her forehead deeply
creased, her hands gesturing wildly. "You havent even slept with Malcolm.
Youve told us a million times that you were waiting until you married the
perfect guy. He cant think the baby is his." She stopped when Gwens
cheeks turned bright red and she buried her face in the pillow.

A light bulb went on in Audreys head. Gwen was smart and desperate, a
very dangerous combination. "You slept with him after you missed your period
so hed think the baby was his." It wasnt a question.

Gwen nodded miserably, still refusing to look up from her pillow. She couldnt
bear the thought of what her friends had to think of her now, but worse than that
was the possibility of losing Malcolm. Her stomach twisted. "I had no choice,"
she said harshly, tears dampening the pillow. "None of you understand."
Her fingers clutched convulsively at the soft cotton. "He took me to meet
his mother last week."

Nina nodded. They all knew that. "You said it went okay."

"Yeah, it was okay. Except that she barely spoke to me!" Gwen wailed,
her face crumpling. "She asked me what my parents did for a living and all
about my family."

"So?" Jacie asked, more sharply than she intended. "You dont
have anything to hide, Gwen."

The redheads face snapped up. "So?" Her cheeks turned beet
red. "The Langtrees are one of the richest and most respected families in
Missouri."

Jacie rolled her eyes, having heard that statement from Gwen a dozen times
in the past couple of months. "That doesnt make them better than any
of us."

"They care," Gwen continued, "that my mother is a housewife
who didnt graduate from high school and that Daddy sells insurance for a
living! They care that I am from Hazelwood and sound like a Missouri hick!"
She snarled, "No matter how I tried, I could see the disapproval in her eyes.
She thinks Im nothing but white trash!" She blinked away more tears.
"And compared to the Langtrees, I am."

"Bullshit," Jacie said flatly, losing patience quickly with Gwens
class conscious attitude that had been there since they were little girls. "Thats
your mother and her delusions of grandeur talking." She pointed at Gwen and
then the other girls. "You and all the rest of us come from regular working
class families. You are hardly white trash."

"Grow up, Jacie. Do you actually think his family would let him marry
me, no matter how much we loved each other, if they knew I was carrying a rapists
child!" Gwen screamed, on the verge of becoming hysterical. "Do you?"

Jacie gritted her teeth. As sickening as it was, she couldnt deny that
Gwen was probably right about that. "I"

"Jacie," Nina placed a calming hand on Jacies shoulder as Katy
made her way back to the bed. "This isnt helping." Her eyes begged
her to bring things down a notch, and she smiled softly when Jacie nodded.

Audrey and Katy exchanged helpless glances.

"You dont have to do this," Jacie said to Gwen, intentionally
gentling her voice. Then she said what the other girls were feeling, but too chicken
to express. "Tricking Malcolm isnt right."

Gwen pulled her hand away as though it had been burned. "What are you
talking about?" Her eyes were wide with disbelief. "You still dont
understand? This is the best day of my life! Malcolm loves me. This baby could
have just as easily have been his. It was only horrible, horrible luck that that
bastard did this to me first!"

Nina ran a hand through her hair, shaking her head. "But the baby is not
his. You know that for a fact."

Gwens eyes widened. "Dont say that again."

"Gwen," Jacie repeated, "well help you with the baby.
You dont have to trick anyone." She glanced around at her friends,
who all nodded eagerly. "We discussed it today while you were at the clinic.
Well all help and take turns watching it and help with money, too."

"We can do it," Nina swore to her. "Between us all, including Katy
who thinks babies are nothing but poop machines but who offered to help anyway,"
this drew a weak smile from Katy, "we can make it work. You dont have
to get married or even move back home."

Gwen looked at Nina as though shed never seen her before. "But I want
to marry Malcolm."

Audrey valiantly picked up the ball. "I know you do, honey. But not this
way."

"Wont it be hard finishing school if youre married?"
Katy tried. "You could just be engaged through college and we could"

Gwen shook her head. "Were having the wedding during winter break."
Unconsciously her hand drifted to her stomach. "Before Ill be showing
much. And Malcolm says his mother will likely insist that I drop out of
school even before the baby." She drew in a ragged breath and gazed at the
window, not seeing the twinkling stars looking back at her. "At least thats
what happened when his cousin got into a similar mess last winter."

"Who gives a shit what his mommy says!" Jacie exploded, seeing Gwens
entire future being shaped by other people. People who didnt care about
her. "You want a degree. You can still have that."

"And this baby," Nina prompted gently, knowing full well that she
was treading on intensely sensitive and personal ground, even between the closest
of friends. "Do you want it, Gwen? Theres nothing that says you have
to raise it or even have it." Her expression softened, and she felt tears
well up in her eyes. A lump formed in her throat, but she spoke anyway. "Under
the circumstances, no one could blame you if"

"I could never do that, Nina," Gwen admitted quietly. "Ive
been thinking about it for days " She lifted one hand and let it drop
lifelessly. "I just cant."

Nina nodded, quite sure that it was something she could do under the right circumstances,
but understanding that this was a personal decision that only Gwen could make
for herself.

Katy sighed. "Gwen, maybe you could tell Malcolm the truth but then keep
it from his family?"

Audrey, Nina, and Jacie all nodded at once, latching on to Katys idea with
gusto.

Gwen sniffed. "Its too late." She pulled her pillow closer,
protecting herself from the world. "I wasnt going to, but it just came
out." Her eyes fluttered shut. "Ive already lied to him. Theres
no going back now. He might believe what his mother probably already thinks. That
Im just a gold-digger."

"Its not too late yet," Jacie insisted. "Its like
I said before; hes a good guy, Gwen. He wont blame you or the baby
for what happened. It wasnt your fault," she emphasized again and received
a trembling smile for her words. "Hes been worried sick over you these
past weeks. He does love you."

Gwen had explained away her injuries by saying shed been in a car accident.
Malcolm had sent flowers, cards, and called twice a day during the days immediately
following the rape when Gwen was still in pieces and refusing to see anyone or
even leave her room. "Trust him," Jacie urged, shifting closer to Nina,
wanting to feel her presence.

"I do trust him." Gwen squared her shoulders. "But right now I
have to trust myself more. Please," her last word broke. "Please understand,
Jacie. This doesnt have to be a bad thing. Malcolm and I love each other
and want to be together. Things are just happening sooner than they would have
anyway."

Of all the girls, it was Jacies understanding Gwen wanted most. In the
nights since the party Jacie had tirelessly calmed her when terrifying dreams
ripped her cruelly from an already fitful sleep. And though thered always
been a tiny antagonistic edge to their relationship, Jacies comforting arms
would wrap around her each night, making her feel safe and warm until she could
find sleep again.

Jacies lips thinned and once again she felt the loving pressure of Ninas
hand, reassuring her. "I do understand, Gwen," she finally said. "I
think youre wrong and I wish youd reconsider leaving school and "
Everything was just happening so fast. She swallowed and forced herself forward
half-heartedly, knowing her friend needed from her more than logic or reason.
She allowed her dark, confident stare to meet Gwens. "But I do
understand."

Gwen let out a sob. "Thank you." She turned her eyes to the other
girls, not surprised to see wet cheeks. "You too?" she asked fearfully.
"Please?"

Nina tugged a throw blanket up from the foot of the bed and wrapped it around
Gwens shoulders. Then she surprised her by kissing her on the cheek.

"Ill never tell another soul about this, and most importantly Malcolm
can never know," Gwen reminded them all, hating herself for the lie but not
seeing any other way out for herself, Malcolm, and the baby. This is our chance
to be happy. We have to take it.

"Never," the girls agreed, grasping hands in a gesture that, for
them, was as old as time.

***

Present Day

Rural St. Louis.

Gwen pulled herself from the past and read over the latest blackmail email
that shed received weeks before. She'd brought it to Charlottes Web
to confront her blackmailer with it. The words sickened her. "Never"
had turned out to be 21 years.

Tucker isnt Malcolms son. You lied.

You know it, and so do I. And if you dont pay

so will your family and friends.

Gwen carefully stowed the note back in the file in her suitcase. Then she lifted
her chin and left her room in search of the other women and some answers.