The World in 2014

The worst words of 2013

How to "aggravate" Cassandra

A HELPFUL colleague, knowing of Cassandra's tendency to be a "grammar fascist" (or simply a language pedant), has alerted me to a list in the Atlantic of the worst words of 2012. I find myself in agreement on virtually every count (a particular bugbear is "curate"). Now clearly Cassandra is in danger of treading into the territory long since occupied by Johnson, but I do wonder what would—or should—be on the Atlantic's list for 2013. So let me offer a few ideas (i.e. the kind of things that drive me to a pedantic fury, or at least a feeling of exasperation)…

"Meme" is clearly one word that will probably prosper in 2013 but should long since have been banished to oblivion. So, too, with "heuristic"—surely a perversion of its Greek origin. To combat "aggravate" in the sense of "annoy", rather than in its true meaning of "worsen", is clearly a lost cause, no matter how much Cassandra views it as an abomination. (A similar tragically lost cause will soon be Cassandra's attempt to insist on the proper use of the accusative "whom", when even the Times of London now seems to treat the nominative "who" as an alternative accusative.) A particular annoyance of 2012 that will doubtless survive into 2013 is "going forward". A more established spur for Cassandra's ire that will also be going forward is "not fit for purpose", a horrible phrase (why not "its purpose"?) first inflicted on the English language in 2006 by John Reid, a British government minister, when describing the Home Office (i.e., interior ministry) for which he had become responsible. And we should not forget that awful solecism (of which even the British royal family can be guilty…) in phrases such as "to Charles and I".

Meanwhile, we should all pray that America's politicians step back from the "fiscal cliff", not just to save the nation from another recession but also to save innocent school kids from thinking that "sequester"—a perfectly reasonable verb—is actually a noun.

But Casandra's nomination for the worst word in 2013 is reserved for the non-scientific use of "DNA". Why on earth does a designer brand such as Bulgari or Dior have to "remain true to its DNA"?

Hell, many of these words have been around for years and some for decades ("heuristic" for example features prominently in computer science jargon dating back to the '70s).

Vocabulary shifts; pronunciation shifts; grammar shifts; even spellings of existing words can shift (less common - it's happened recently in German, and American spellings are now becoming mainstream/ replacing traditional British spellings in the UK).

As language changes, so must yours if you still wish to reach your target audiences. For somebody as well-read as Casandra, I can't see why this would be much of a bother... :p

You flatter me in calling me "well-read"! Actually, I'm all in favour of linguistic evolution, it's just that the pedant in me wants to slow down the process of natural selection—and, as a Brit, I suffer from a cultural tendency to fight losing battles...

Dictionaries are dead. Today, language is defined by users - and by return frequency in a Google search :)

There are several open (user-defined) dictionaries online, with healthy debates on the areas of disagreement or change. They are probably more complete and better resourced (purely thanks to the number of online volunteers and to the extensive use of online tools & material) than the OED.

Only a matter of time until the death of the last dictionary... Finally, liberation of language from power concentration & end of rules defined by elites.

To go SYRIAN: Total Civil War Anarchy. AK-47s and RPGs for the whole family. See Afghanistan in the 70s. Lebanon in the 80s. Somalia in the 90s. And Iraq in the 00s.

DEAD MAN WALKING: Bashar al Assad. Or Hugo Chavez. They would like a short term loan to be paid back on Tuesday. These men don't even buy green bananas.

MORSILINI: Islamic Brotherhood president barely elected, negotiating a cease fire, enjoying international praise, and then instigating a Reichstag Coup for a new permanent dictatorship in the name of Islam. Morsi = Mubarak 2.0

THE TRAGEDY OF MADAME BO: Chinese Operatic love triangle in three acts.
A tale and fall from grace of Princeling Bo Xi Lai and his wife and his Ferrari driving son.

INDIAN SUBCONTINENT BLACKOUT: Largest blackout in the history of electricity results in largest modern baby boom 10 months later. Electric shortages worsen.
Indian Government Commission found conclusively the cause was Vishnu burping.

GREEK DEBT CRISIS: Modern Greek Tragedy.

GAG’em STYLE: World's Sexiest Man now can play 'giddyyup' from his space bachelor pad. The missile also has an accompanying giant plastic condom and aerodynamic lube.

IRANIAN NUCLEAR BOYCOTT: The Weapon of Mass Destruction is devastating an economy back to the Neolithic period. After Syria, Iran is the next Arab Spring 2.0 The Iran Air Force is stocking up on cluster bombs and the A-Bomb program is on steroids.

POP UP WAR: Quadrennial Israeli-Palestinian War that occurs every US Presidential Election.

POKE HIS EYE WITH A STICK: How the Libyans treated the mutilated body of their former Great Leader Qaadafi on display in a meat locker.

INNOCENCE OF MUSLIMS: Two bit, home made YouTube video provokes Muslims into world wide frenzy of protests, fire, rock throwing and murder. All Western Embassies under siege.

___________________________

'BALLISTIC': Traditionally ICBMs . But other things can go Ballistic such as can Teen Gunmen, Tin Horn Dictators and Two-year olds.

SWING STATE VOTER: Despite racial equality, a small minority of Americans are far more valuable to politicians. They are the elite.

FLY-OVER COUNTRY: Any state that is not MI, OH, CO, NV, NH, IA, PA, VA, NC or FL.

HURRICANE HAIR: Waking up with a crazy shaggy hairdo and realizing your lifelong presidential campaign is being swamped by hurricane winds and storm surges.

47%: Mitt’s Political I.Q.

FOX TV: Psychotic echo chamber of shouting talking heads who have a simple solution to everything. Tea Party Alternative Reality. Surreal Comedy--Watch it with a laugh track.

BENGHAZI GATE: Mitt’s single foreign policy issue that he saw as the central issue of the world. More important than the Syrian War, Iranian Nuclear Program and Economic Boycott; Afghanistan Withdraw, Pakistan Destabilization, and China Relations.

NATE SILVER is Gold.
He is Oracle 2.0 Or Cassandra 2012.
He can predict your tomorrow.

FISCAL CLIFF: Monetary abyss, pecuniary precipice, fiduciary freefall, fiscal fiasco. Taxplosion, fiscalamity, cashastrophe, armadebton.
SURVIVAL JOB: Instead of waiting for the ‘Perfect Job’ in the Great Recession, take ANY JOB.
OCCUPY WALL STREET: A brown smear on the sidewalk that passerbyers avoid like dog shit. It was a fad like lava lamps, platform shoes and the Macarena.
_____________________________

To go TITANIC: 100 years later, the SS Costa Concordia did not hit an iceberg but still sank spectacularly. Captain Schettino is the poster-boy Cowardly Lion of Industry. And this was all just to impress a pretty girl.

NEWTONIAN PHYSICS: Gingrichian plans announced in Swing State Florida for a rocket ship to the Moon with young nubile space cadets to be financed by deficit spending.

OVERCOOKED RICE: Secret Republican Conspiracy to sabotage the candidacy of Susan Rice for Secretary of State.

Popular name 'SANDY' came twice.
Hurricane Sandy came to spoil the end of the 2012 Presidential Campaign.
And revisited two months later at Sandy Hook Elementary--watch for a third occurrence.
Incidentally also a nickname for Cassandra.

LOST CITY OF ATLANTIC CITY: Gambling Gomorrah swallowed up by the sea.
And boardwalk buried under mountains of sand.

CHAIN SAW MASSACRE: New epidemic of Madmen attacks at schools, summer camps, sororities and hospitals unless there are new Federal Restrictions of this deadly wanton weapon.

EDVARD MUNCH’S THE SCREAM: Art Work of the Year. Sets world record for art auction in NYC. Psychological portrait of modern man gone postal.
______________________________

HIGGS BUFFOON: One who accepts the high priests' interpretation of the scattered entrails on a €10 billion altar to our new gods.

50 SHADES OF GREY: Reawakened popular interest in S & M.
No child wants to be spanked. It is a cave man approach to parenting. It is a violation of human rights.
--But most adults would like a randy spanking every night. They are VERY NAUGHTY and insist on it.

LONESOME GEORGE Dies Alone. The Galpagos Giant Tortoise was the last of his Species. If he were the last man alive left on earth…

CURIOSITY ROVER manages a circus landing on Mars. And now begins a lifelong mission on a lonely planet.

DING FOUND ON THE UNIVERSE: Left by Steve Jobs after his death.

The MAGIC IS GONE: JK Rowlings unsuccessful novel about the non-magical world of a poor urban teen. Book sale wise, selling less than the Koran in London.

ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANICA: Master of the medium is now obsolete. Replaced by Wikipedia (in part edited by myself).

THE HOLY TRILOGY: Three movie franchise sequence that begins with an origin prequel, a developing education, maturation, challenge, death and resurrection.
Christ like Super Hero.
Christ-like Superstar.
Examples are Darth Vader(note virgin birth), Luke Skywalker, Captain Kirk, Spiderman, Ironman, Batman and now even James Bond.
Jame Bond died but was resurrected after the 3rd Day.

MOVE OVER HARRY POTTER: The new franchise is Post Apocalyptic Dystopian Future Hunger Games. High School romance in a Death Dome.

DWARF TOSSING: Return to Middle Earth. And cramming a 250 pages novel into a Nine Hour Trilogy. It is a ‘stretcher’. In the end the shortest dwarf is just 9 ft tall.

FEARLESS FELIX: A Red Bull REAL Superhero. Broke the speed of sound with his body.

McDONALDs: SMALL-MEDIUM-LARGE: Lowest common denominator to selling sodas.
Now with the addition of the middle-sized iPad Mini, Apple’s Touch Screen Mobile Computer Line is basically McDonald’s Small-Medium-Large.
They rejected the Starbuck’s Neo Italian: Tall-Grande-Venti.

SUPER SIZED SODA: The new arch villain of Public Health. Forget cigarettes, druck driving or handguns.

MICRO SOFT TIME MACHINE: Seven year lag of product line compared to Apple.
MS just introduced a mobile phone last year. And now is launching a Pad Computer!
Redmond is Seven Years behind Cupertino. It is only 2005 at MicroSoft HQ.

GLOBAL WIMPERING: Global response to Global Warming: Paralysis of ideas and action.
See also Global Whining.

MAYAN DOOMSDAY: Same as YK2. But 12 years later.
The Mayans were as right as the Computer Geeks were about the YK2.
The Mayans actually invented the ‘tablet computer’ 4000 years ago.
… But it was carved in stone and weighed 25 kg and ran on sacrificial virgins.

My pet hates in the Economist in recent years have been "catalyst" outside of it's proper place in chemistry, "incentivize" and "impactful".

All are incorrect, ugly or both. All have several common and more precise substitutes. I have made war on them whenever they have defaced the pages of a newspaper long celebrated for solid, unfussy English prose.