August 24, 2011

Not to be outdone, several "old school" Pittsburgh institutions have offered their unique contributions to avoid future drown-in-rain deaths on Washington Blvd.

Kennywood Park has offered to contribute some "you must be this tall" signs from their amusement park, which could be adjusted to ensure that only vehicles that are 6 feet tall can enter the area in the rain. The conceptual basis is that the roadway floods to nine feet, so a person standing on top of a six-foot vehicle would probably survive.

The Pittsburgh Parking Authority (which operates the Mon Wharf parking lot) has offered to manage the public's use of the street in potential flood conditions on a cost-plus basis. "We've been running a paved area that periodically floods for years, and we've never had anybody drown yet", said the spokesman. "Once again, the Parking Authority comes to the city's rescue."

Finally, a man who was smoking a cigarette in the background stepped up to contribute some anecdotal evidence. The smoking man asked, "Are you all familiar with the story of Silver Blaze, and the implications of the damaged personal vehicles at Zone 5, adjacent to the tragedy?"

While the others stood mutely the smoking man explained: Sherlock Holmes was called in to investigate the disappearance of a valuable horse, Silver Blaze. A Detective was discussing the case with Sherlock Holmes.

Detective: "Is there any other point to which you wish to draw attention?"
Holmes: "To the curious incident of the dog in the night-time."
Detective: "The dog did nothing in the night-time."
Holmes: "That was the curious incident."

The Parking Authority rep blurted out, "What does that have to do with this fiasco?"
Smoking man replied, "Consider the damaged personal vehicles of Zone 5's police officers".

"But none of the police officer's personal vehicles were damaged."
The stranger puffed on his cigarette. "And in the July flood?"
"No, no damaged personal vehicles in July, either."
"Curious", said the smoking man, who walked out in a pungent cloud of tobacco-smoke.