Because there’s no doggie door to Heaven Pets — no matter how cuddly — lack souls. While their pious masters are frolicking with Jesus, loyal puppies, adorable kitties, and stalwart goldfish will find themselves alone in a terrifying hell on Earth.

Dead in tooth and claw The fisher perches in his case, between a black bear and a porcupine. His spine is permanently kinked in an S-curve, his tail cocked, his body no bigger than two paper-towel tubes soldered end-to-end.

Magic night Chris Adrian's novels puff you full of delight, then rip your heart out. Adrian's a sadist, maybe. Or maybe he's got the biggest heart of any living writer, so big that it can hold the sweetest thoughts alongside shame and also death — real death, in all its devastation and splendor.

Pretty bikes We found seven of the sweetest-looking city bikes under $1000. Are they any good? We sat down with a local bike guru (who wished to be identified only as the Phantom Mechanic) to get his expert views.

A friend in need This week sees the premiere of The Beaver, Jodie Foster's third directorial effort and Mel Gibson's first role since we were all apprised of his peculiar phone demeanor. I spoke with Foster about the film at the Ritz Carlton.

Foster, Gibson leave it to The Beaver In January, Summit Entertainment released the trailer for the Jodie Foster film The Beaver, in which Mel Gibson finds a raggedy beaver puppet in a dumpster, begins speaking through it, and reconnects with his wife, Jodie Foster.

6,574,357 hours of scholarship The data contained within the following illustration represents the most common words found in the titles of more than 150 doctoral theses in the humanities and social sciences published in 2010.

The man behind the mustache "The secret of a handclap is to only move one hand," John Oates said Friday, addressing a group of Berklee students. "If everyone is moving their hands, they'll never do it together."

Somervillian mocks the cult of David Foster Wallace with Tumblr-tastic 'People Holding Infinite Jest' The first and only complete passage of Infinite Jest Chris Braiotta ever read was tattooed on somebody's calf.

Fallout Boys Until a few weeks ago, Godzilla was a time capsule of nuclear dread and handmade special effects. But with parts of Tokyo in ruins, over 12,000 Japanese dead, and radiation spreading, the film is more relevant than ever.

Mission to marzipan What is it about food trends that so captivates our attention? Is it the hand of the market or the will of the people? Can any food achieve the ubiquity of the cupcake, or bacon's Olympian heights?

Aging Aquarian At the close of the second act of last Thursday's performance of Hair , as the cast disrobed, an audience member began yelling loud enough to be heard over the mawkish ensemble number, "Where Do I Go."

Turn off the dark Standing in the parking lot moments before the Michele Bachmann fundraising brunch on Saturday, my guts seized up as miasmatic gusts shot from the revolving doors of the Nashua Courtyard Marriott. A sepulchral mist of Lovecraftian horror seemed to rise from the hotel.

Good times, Charlie! In about a month, Sheen has completed the Monkees' career trajectory, from twitchy industry puppet to radiant drug zealot to self-indulgent bore. Two weeks ago, after tolerating years of open rebellion, creator/producer Chuck Lorre fired Sheen from Two and a Half Men.