Ask the Spike

Crazy novelty clutch bag

I don’t like novelty stuff, never have. The recent high-fashion trend for bags with big comedy eyes on them or things covered in “fun” fur, neon fringing or that Louis Vuitton design ages ago with cherries and cartoon characters all over it made me want to fucking vomit.

I only ever aspire to trying to dress like Sarah Harris from Vogue, who doesn’t really ever wear colour or pattern but always looks terrific.

But it’s the strangest thing, suddenly something inside you can just sort of click and you go “Oh no that’s great.”

Yesterday I suddenly, about a year too late, got an internal lust on for a cuddle clutch, which is a large squashy clutch bag that you hug to yourself as you go about your business like this:

But, with no disrespect intended to Alexa Chung, I always think a furry bag seems a bit unhygienic, and what if it rains…? I am not Alexa Chung with a driver (possibly?) and an apartment in New York: I often get caught in the rain and this bag, I fear, would slow me down:

What I really want right now is this bag below, but it’s fucking sold out. URGH. Like when you realise too late that a boy who you initially dismissed because he seemed a bit crackers turns out to be really nice and a great guy and you knew he sort of fancied you back but by the time you get your act together he’s bloody married to someone else. So frustrating. All other clutch bags I’ve seen now look just so bloody suburban and timid in comparison.

I want this and I don’t know why

I emailed my friend Kirstin who is a mum at Kitty’s school with a picture of it and she emailed back “This bag looks like a take-home project from [insert name of Kitty’s school here].” Which made me laugh. But I still fucking want it.