When we last left Bon Temps, the “V Team” was just rolling out of their van, packing some major league ordinance. And that’s right where this episode picks up. Pam asks, “Can we blow up these Wiccan dipshits already?” and I couldn’t agree with her more. I had a feeling it wouldn’t be so simple though.

Inside “The Hotel California”, Antonia Maria Conchita Alonso briefly springs out of Marnie, after Marnie kills one of her disciples/hostages. Lafayette then delivers what has to be considered one of the frontrunners for “Best line of this season”.

We rejoin the comedy action already in progress as Antonia Maria Conchita Alonso and her strike force of hypnotized vampires are attacking the human/vampire coalition meeting. Sookie gets in between Bill and Eric multiple times, saving each of them in turn. I wish she had let one of them die, this triangle is getting on my nerves.

Sookie then uses her repulser beams on Eric, and he regains his old memories. She couldn’t have done that earlier this season?

Thankfully, Sookie took some of Bill’s blood, and healed up quickly from her gunshot wound. Phew! The maudlin BS of her “Dying” didn’t get stretched out as long as I feared.

Now that she’s had some of Bill’s blood, she’s dreaming of him again, too. She’s like a Bon Temps yo-yo. A Ho-Yo. Leave it to Sookie to have a lucid dream starring her two lovers, and she dreams about lecturing them, even if it is a lecture about doing them both.

If I see one more gauzy, slo mo scene between her and Eric, even if there IS double teaming involved, I will literally vomit.

I swear to God, I wrote this sentence during the first minutes of the show – “Ok, Hoyt needs death, quickly. He needs permanent removal from this equation.” LOL. I almost wet myself later when Jessica slammed his face into the counter! Too bad it was just a daydream. Damn though, he flipped a switch between her daydream and the real scene, huh? He gave her what for!

Later, when Jess showed up Jason’s doorstep, I was like, please let this be it, please let this be it, please let this be it, please let this be it.

Nope. Jason wound up doing some push ups in lieu of the smush ups I wanted to see. Damn it!

Marnie the Forgetful Witch of the South uses a vampire like a puppet and busts herself out of King Bill’s holding Cell. She wants to be known as Antonia Maria Conchita Alonso now. After she busts out of jail, she wanders into Tara along the roadside and recruits her into her Wiccan Army. Antonia Maria Conchita Alonso is like a Witch Dictator, spouting rhetoric, preaching genocide… She can actually levitate though. That would get her a cult following anywhere.

Earlier, Tara had a fight with Pam that left Pam looking like one of those Twilight Zone pig people. It’s ok. Turns out all Pam needs is an extra strength wax job and some Vampire Botox…

So, the episode almost began with the long built to (I’d have used long awaited, but I haven’t been waiting on it) hookup between Eric and Little Miss Sunshine. It was busted up by Bill, but not before Eric showed him who was boss. Or at least who would be if there weren’t “Royalty” involved. Bill tosses Eric into jail and then asks permission to have him executed. Obviously they weren’t going to go through with it though, this isn’t “Game of Thrones”.

My apologies that this recap is a day late. As you can tell, Comic-Con has pretty much dominated my existence lately.

Ok. First things first. I almost had a heart attack and died when Jessica appeared to Jason in that dream sequence. Jason wasn’t the only one who wanted Hoyt to get the $%#& out of there. It was so close! I think we all need to pull together now, as a team, and do the right thing. If you want to help, please make your checks out to the “Deborah Ann Woll needs to put it on the record” fund, c/o fogsmoviereviews.com. We’ll do our best to make sure the money gets to where it can do the most good.

Turns out Diggs was right last week. Faerie blood IS like Sam’s Summer Ale!

Eric goes off skinny dipping once he’s all blasto from slamming that juice box. Turns out he should have worn some sunscreen. Oh, about SPF 10,000 or so should do it. Of course, that’s alright. He makes a sympathy move on Sookie later…

I think Jason was a Ghost Daddy already. The way the women of Bagheera city took to him? Turns out he’s all of their favorite man! By working his Svengali magic on lil panther virgin girl, he was able to escape his bindings. All he needed to do was fill her head with some Rom Com nonsense about boys who bring flowers and candy. Who wants to bet her first time would have wound up being with her panther uncle if Jason hadn’t got him?

Tonight’s episode began with a tiny, but important bit of information. For a half a season and a couple of episodes, we’ve been informed that Sookie’s blood is a delicacy to Vampires. And as such, she smells delicious to them. Well, tonight, thanks to Mindwiped Eric, we finally learn what it is exactly that she smells like.