Fox News Idiot Heather Nauert Gets To Be Boss Of Three Bureaus At State Department, Yay!

So much news about how Donald Trump is taking a second stab at Making America Great Again, by draining all the swamp losers he originally chose, and replacing them with people who didn’t even make the first round draft picks! As we all know, Rex Tillerson is out at State, because he thinks Trump is a fucking moron and said some naughty things about Russia being bad. While those may have been the two greatest moments of his tenure, Trump is DISPLEASED. So now our secretary of State nominee is current CIA director Mike Pompeo, who we must remind you is a gigantic piece of shit and a total Trump toady. Sure, Pompeo might occasionally say something like “Of course” Russia meddled in the 2016 election. But, in order to soften the blow for his thin-skinned boss, he adds, “And the one before that, and the one before that,” as if it’s just “Oh, those silly Russians! OLD FAKE NEWS!”

Pompeo’s actions regarding the Russia issue have been questionable for over a year now, especially during the early days of the Trump administration, when Pompeo, AFTER then-acting Attorney General Sally Yates marched into the White House and pulled the fire alarm over how then-National Security Advisor Michael Flynn was a literal actual foreign agent, was all too happy to keep giving Flynn our deepest, sexxxiest national secrets in the daily intelligence briefing. Weird, right?

Pompeo has also been in the room (the “Oval Office” room) when Trump has likely committed obstruction of justice, weighing on his intelligence chiefs to pressure the FBI to cut back on its little Russia Investigatin’ habit. We don’t know if special counsel Robert Mueller talked to him about little stuff like that when they chatted, but we bet senators will have some tough questions for him about it in his upcoming confirmation hearings.

Oh yeah, and there was that time Pompeo suddenly reorganized the Counterintelligence Mission Center of the CIA — the very division that works with the FBI on things like CIA intercepts of Trumpers and Russians doing hot wet bareback conspiracies — to make it report directly to him. That didn’t go over so well with patriotic career CIA people, because it was FUCKING WEIRD.

But this post isn’t about Mike Pompeo, that pompous sack of squirrel pubes. It is about Heather Nauert, former Fox News idiot and current State Department spokes-idiot, who has gotten a BIG PROMOTION in the wake of #Rexit. On Tuesday, Steve Goldstein, the undersecretary for public diplomacy and public affairs, was also fired, after he called the White House a liar and said actually Tillerson learned Trump had fired him by reading Trump’s Twitter, because Trump is a fucking pig.

AND GUESS WHO GETS THAT JOB NOW, at least in an acting capacity, which means she appears to have 210 days to fuck shit up, or however long it takes to get a new person confirmed once they’re nominated?

That’s right, it is State Department Spokes-Idiot Heather Nauert! She used to work at Fox News, because that is obviously a qualification for undersecretary for public diplomacy and public affairs, while also continuing your job as State Department Spokes-Idiot!

This is the person who said we don’t need to implement the sanctions Congress passed by a margin of one million to some Russian lady named Ekaterina, because the congressional vote probably was enough to scare the Russians into acting right all by itself. One time, in response to a question about what the Trump administration was doing to fix the Syrian civil war, she said, “I don’t know what some of you expect us to do.” Really.

Here she is having a MAD at reporters, as she tries to explain why her boss Rex Tillerson ran away to Texas to have a hissy after Donald Trump told Boy Scouts about sex orgies on yachts:

CLIP: @Statedeptspox says Secretary of State Tillerson is “taking a little time off.” pic.twitter.com/C2fGFvyWrb

— CSPAN (@cspan) July 25, 2017

Nauert is just really good at spokesperson-ing, and will be even better at being the FOURTH-HIGHEST RANKING PERSON AT STATE, a person who CONTROLS THREE BUREAUS. Like come on, she was on Fox News, she will obviously be just great, right?

Maybe Nauert can use her position at State to finally look into Sharia law taking over children’s swimming lessons in Minneapolis because sometimes they let little Somalian refugee girls swim and NO BOYS ALLOWED, which is tyranny, because that is a thing she reported on when she was at Fox.

Or maybe she can get to the bottom of how Obama only wanted to un-poison the water in Flint so he could butter up The Blacks to vote for Democrats, because that is another thing she said on Fox one time.

Except, dag-fucking-nabbit, those are domestic issues, which means they are not under the purview of State.

Well, we are sure she has badass foreign policy chops too, and we will get to see them on the daily as she steps into her job overseeing the bureaus of Education and Cultural Affairs, Public Affairs and International Information Programs.

Maybe she can use her position to find some INTERNATIONAL INFORMATION on why sharks insist on living in the ocean so much, because that’s something her former comrades at “Fox & Friends” are pretty worried about.

Good luck, Heather Nauert. We are rooting for your success, while 100% expecting your failure.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE. And if you love this article, tweet it and share it on the Facebooks!

Wonkette salaries and servers are fully paid for by YOU! Please pay our salaries, so we NEVER DIE.