Butterfly effect expert President Barack Obama revealed recently that the chaos would not be theoretical if villainous Koch Brothers' puppet Paul Ryan's budget cuts were to be enacted:

Quote:

Obama on the Paul Ryan budget: "We wouldn't have the capacity to enforce the laws that protect the air we breathe, the water we drink, or the food that we eat. Cuts to the FAA would likely result in more flight cancellations, delays and the complete elimination of air traffic control services in parts of the country. Over time, our weather forecasts would become less accurate because we wouldn't be able to afford to launch new satellites and that means governors and mayors would have to wait longer to order evacuations in the event of a hurricane. That's just a partial sampling of the consequences of this budget."

Grim-faced experts assured me that the president was not just indulging in election-season rhetoric when he made these dire predictions. In reality, the situation is far more dangerous than the president let on, but he decided to refrain from unduly alarming the public until he had a chance to speak in a swing state with a lot of electoral votes verfiy all of his facts. However, the grim-faced experts shared with me some of the scary details which I will reveal to you now if you are up to the challenge of reading it. Before I do so, I must ask you all to PLEASE not read to yourselves out loud when children are present because they will surely be scarred for life by what they will hear.

~

Medicare cuts will result in wheelchair-ridden grandmothers being pushed off of cliffs. Other cuts will cause the closing of most national parks, leaving far fewer cliffs to push them off of. This double whammy will result in riots as people wishing to push wheelchair-ridden grandmothers off of cliffs jam the few remaining cliffs available.

All Federal Law Enforcement related TV shows like Criminal Minds and NCIS will be cancelled, resulting in a deadly wave of fictional TV crime. Blood and body parts will stream from TV sets all over the nation resulting in numerous falls and injuries.

NASA's outreach program to Muslims will be curtailed; Muslims will no longer let NASA use the algebra they invented, thus setting back US space exploration for decades!

The DOJ's Fast and Furious program will be unable to investigate domestic right-wing terrorists by selling arms to Mexican drug gangs. Right wing terrorists will be able to expand their operations unchecked and plant thousands of bombs in the NYC Theatre District to show their displeasure with Obamacare. NYC will spend billions in police overtime to defuse them, thus bringing down the city and the world financial system with it.

NEA funding cuts will mean far less cowboy poetry. Frustrated cow punchers will start punching cows due to lack of government-funded creative outlet. Punch-drunk cows will stampede, trampling all in their path until they sober up.

Patient Affordable Care Act insurance exchanges will go unfunded. Insurance companies will once again start disallowing patient bills by claiming they are pre-existing conditions. Greedy doctors will lop off patients' limbs to make up the shortfall in their fees. Health costs will then skyrocket as one-legged patients are run over after being unable to get out of the way of Mercedes driven by greedy doctors.

NPR and PBS cutbacks will force them to seek sponsors and become shills for corporate hacks instead of simply being shills for government hacks as they are now. Children brain-washed by greedy corporate sponsors will force parents to go deeply in debt to buy trillions of dollars worth of cereal, candy, toys, cigarettes and liquor, thus bringing on the worst financial crisis ever caused by former president Bush.

Green energy subsidies will be drastically curtailed: solar panel companies will be forced to go bankrupt on their own without government help.

California bullet train project defunded - thousands of desperate passengers will be forced to hitchhike from Fresno to Bakersfield. Many will be picked up and murdered by drivers who were driven insane because their dreams of landing a jobs as bullet train conductors were destroyed by budget cuts.

Post office will be forced to raise price of first class stamp to $5. Who would spend $5 to mail a letter? Nobody! Millions of lives will be ruined because they didn't get job offers, huge checks from dead relatives, lottery winnings and similar mail others could not afford to spend $5 to send to them.

Children's school lunches will no longer be inspected; children will be forced to eat whatever filthy, dirty, disease-infested meals their parents packed for them. Most will die, overloading local morgues and bringing back the black plague.

Climate change research funding will be reduced - without government backing to fight this deadly menace, it may disappear completely!

EPA will be unable to close coal-fired power plants resulting in lower energy prices which results in more energy use which results in more coal having to be burned which results in billions of asthmatic children dying because we already banned their inhalers for causing an ozone hole.

HHS will be unable to force Catholic organizations to fund abortions and birth control thus resulting millions more Catholics being born who will crowd the streets making it impossible for ambulances to get thru. Millions will die in the back of ambulances stuck in traffic as a result.

House or Representatives' beauty parlor will close - Debbie Wasserman Schultz's hair will straighten - yikes!

Comrades, this is still NOT the complete list. Researchers are toiling away even now to determine even more terrible consequences that will occur if even a single penny of government spending is cut, consequences that will not be apparent until it is too late!

As the president has reminded us, we are the nation that built the intercontinental railroad! We could not have done that or anything else without government leading the way because no one else but government would take on such a project. Government is the lifeblood of America and money is the lifeblood of government and government needs your blood. We can't cut it or it will bleed too much. I hope this can be understood by all before the mixer for my metaphors breaks down completely. Chaos is NOT a theory!

The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand

China launches cube-shaped space object with a message to aliens: "The inhabitants of Earth will steal your intellectual property, copy it, manufacture it in sweatshops with slave labor, and sell it back to you at ridiculously low prices"

Progressive scientists: Truth is a variable deduced by subtracting 'what is' from 'what ought to be'

Experts agree: Hillary Clinton best candidate to lessen percentage of Americans in top 1%

America's attempts at peace talks with the White House continue to be met with lies, stalling tactics, and bad faith

Starbucks new policy to talk race with customers prompts new hashtag #DontHoldUpTheLine

Hillary: DELETE is the new RESET

Charlie Hebdo receives Islamophobe 2015 award; the cartoonists could not be reached for comment due to their inexplicable, illogical deaths

Russia sends 'reset' button back to Hillary: 'You need it now more than we do'

Barack Obama finds out from CNN that Hillary Clinton spent four years being his Secretary of State

President Obama honors Leonard Nimoy by taking selfie in front of Starship Enterprise