Thursday, May 1, 2014

Season 2 Finale: The Following.

I know that the season finale of The Following was days ago (am I the only one that watches and/or loves this show?!), but you know me. Better late than pregnant. I was so excited about the season finale that I even watched it Monday night. Not on the DVR. I know, right?! Basically, I watch the show for one reason, and one reason only. I mean, it's a good show, but let's be honest, I wouldn't watch it if it weren't for Mike Weston (Shawn Ashmore). I know that's probably not fair, but I don't care I do what I want. Here's my step by step recap.

Weston better not get killed. If he gets killed I will NEVER watch this show again. And I really mean that to, because it showed up in my brain as SHOUTY CAPITALS.

What are you doing Ryan?! Why are you just standing there having a conversation with those crazy ass twins instead of saving Weston? Are you f*cking kidding me right now? SERIOUSLY?!!

NO.... NO....NO..... oh my god way to wait until the last minute, you giant tool! You know, if it wasn't for Footloose, I would never watch you again, because you've put me on edge here, Kevin Bacon. Man, do I love Footloose. The original and the remake. Willard all the way. Both. Times. Also, Tremors and Hollow Man were good, quality work.... fine, I'll still watch Kevin Bacon, but I'll be pissed! Weston's not out of the line of fire yet. Seriously, I'm glad you hit the blonde chick, but I mean, quit talking and start shooting Weston's way out. HELP HIM!!

Really? Really, Ryan? We're going to make ANOTHER deal with the devil? Have you learned nothing? Ever? At least let him know whose boss. Something. I mean, he's already outsmarted and beat your ass like fourteen million times. COME ON.

That's a little better. Hit him again! It's about time you got on it. How long have you been waiting for that one? Why doesn't anyone kill Joe? They all talk about it, but no one actually does it. Weston tried to get you to do it, A LOT. Somehow though, he always manages to live. Wtf, dude?!

Mike really seemed to enjoy that, didn't he? (hehehe). I don't blame him, I would to. That guy has caused more problems for him than any one person should have. Does no one recognize that that's Joe Carroll? I mean, napkin or not, they have all been hunting him for like two years. No one? Really? No one thinks that any of this is at all a little suspicious? I would not feel safe with any of you people. FBI, my ass.

Ok, Max and Weston are going to follow. Max is so happy that Weston isn't dead. Yeah.... give him that look while you're in the car. I know what you're thinking Max, and the answer is- yes. Yes, you should totally grab hold of Weston and make out with him. Everyone would understand. EVERYONE. Just do it already. You two look at each other like you want to devour the other one anyways. Why not? DO IT.

I see you looking at that follower, Joe. Great, that's all we need. More trouble. Joe won't hurt Hardy until they save Claire either way though. He may be a psychopath, but he does love Claire. In his own sick/twisted/demented way.

Told you that follower was behind you. No one ever listens to me. Did you really not see that one coming? You know, Joe is pretty funny tonight. Really funny, actually. He's a real comic in his own right. He could've done stand-up. You know, if he wouldn't have slaughtered the whole audience once he was done with his routine. Minor detail.

Joe and Ryan actually make a pretty good team. There's no substitute for Weston. NONE. But I could handle a little bit more of this funny back and forth between Joe and Ryan. Umm.... no he's not going in there without a weapon, Ryan. Are you crazy? Those twin are psychos and Joe is smarter than you. He actually kills most of the people that he intends to. Unlike you, who has had ample opportunity and just won't take the shot. Just saying.

Those twins are so damn crazy. I can't believe that one guy plays both twins. That's SO crazy. Not as crazy as the characters, but crazy. Crazy!! What is it with tying people to chairs at the dinner table? Did their mother really warp them that much?! Yeah, Ryan, take responsibility for killing their mother. Please. They will find out the truth. Weston will probably tell them, because they did kill his dad, after all. Joe is so funny. It's ok, Weston and Max are outside. They are gonna rescue you guys. Well, at least Ryan.

Told you that they would recuse you guys. Seriously, Weston?! Ryan took the fall for that. Quit prolonging it. Did you forget that there are two of those guys? Behind you. BEHIND YOU!! Oh man, now you're down. You're down and they have weapons, and now you're gonna get killed.

Where the hell is Max?! MAX! Come save your man. What the hell is happening? Is Weston unconscious? Is he dead? Max!! Seriously, where is she? Both twins are there and she can't manage to show up in a timely manner? I thought you were supposed to have his back, dude. He would have your back. I mean, he even traipsed into the woods to save you. WITH A HIDDEN SNIPER ON THE LOOSE. Just to save you. And that's when y'all only had a few googly eyed moments with each other! Where are you?!!

Oh, thank god! Way to take your time and make it suspenseful. Jerk. Could you have been any slower to come to his rescue? Huh? He would've been there sooner for you. See, now would be ample opportunity to make out with Weston. Just saying, girl. We both know you want to. Thank goodness he's alive, but it's not over yet. You killed the one twin, but his brother is still out there. And let's face it, revenge is kind of their thing.

Of course Joe would find Claire and then Ryan would rescue her. She's not going to forgive you, Joe. Get over it. Move on. I'm sure you'll find a very nice guy in prison. After all, you're smart, worldly, you know how to escape.

I'm glad that you had this giant life affirming epiphany and all Ryan, but have we forgotten that he's already escaped prison? Twice? I'm happy that you and Weston have decided that you need to be happy and move on with y'alls lives, but is leaving him alive really the best idea? You've been trying to kill him for two seasons. Everyone in that room understands. No one would hold it against you. Nope. Ok, definitely sending him back to prison, huh? Whatever you think is best. Even if you're completely wrong. Your choice.

I knew Claire was going to leave as soon as this shit was over with. What a using/trifling bitch. Oh yeah, y'all need to move on. Whawhawha. You're a user, and I never liked you, Claire. I don't want to be an ass or anything, but I wouldn't have been sad had you stayed dead this season. Ryan was happy and moving on and then you showed back up. I guess it worked out for the best, but still. What an asshole, you are. Where are Max and Weston?

FINALLY. Finally, is right. I knew that you wanted to. I told you. I mean, the one twin is alive and things are gonna go bad, but for now, savor it, girl. You've earned this. It started out as loathe, then friendship, and now- LOVE. You love each other, don't try to deny it. I hope nothing bad happens to either of you next season. It will, but I can be hopeful until then. I really do love this show. Kiss him again, we both know you want to.

THE FINALLY HEARD AROUND THE WORLD. Now we can all breathe a collective sigh. And say- awwwww. Yep, I'm still gonna watch season three. I'm gonna be all over that one. I know it's not a love story, but it is a good show, and I love some of these characters. I still think that Carrie Cooke (she will always be Donna Winston to me) is up to no good, though. Just so y'all know, when it comes to her, I call bullshit. Maybe it's just because of Ryan's track record, but I don't trust her. Shawn Ashmore is so f*cking adorable when he smiles. He really is.

If you mustache me a question, go for it.

Chances are, I'm gonna show up in boots.

No doubt about it.

Tayder thinks I'm an embarrassing kind of mom.

I enjoy dressing in camo and wearing antlers.

I have a soft spot for gingers.

And I know everybody thinks their dog is the cutest.... but mine really is.

I was born on the 13th and tell people it was a Friday (it was really a Tuesday).

I love sharing "throwbacks" because they crack me up.

If it ain't Mario Bros on the Nintendo, I give up.

The only marathon I need or want.... like ever.

Sometimes I make random ass collages.... just because.

Remember being seventeen?!

Yeah, it wasn't as great as what you remember it being.

If Lizzy Caplan isn't one of your heroes, you should reevaluate that.

My family has just pretty much given up on me to stop saying f*ck.

They've also given up on trying to get me to wear "normal" pants.

I watch WAY too many true crime documentaries.

The first crush I ever remember having was on Christian Slater... followed by Bruce Campbell.

I have very strange travel destinations in mind.

Told you my hair and face was insane. (Also, booze).

Enjoy your time here.

I just wanted y'all to know that Charlie Kelly is my spirit animal.

If your picture is here.... my bad, homie.

IJTLFAT claims no credit for most of the images posted on this site unless they are blurry and sometimes in questionable taste cell phone pictures of random shit from my actual phone or they're from my past excursions..... something like that. Images on this blog are copyright to their respectful owners. If there is an image appearing on this blog that belongs to you and you do not wish for it appear on this sarcastic, but also sometimes serious blog, please email with a link to said image and it will be promptly removed. And before you even ask, yes, I'm really sorry about it.

If you've made it this far on my blog.... I commend you.

I should also probably apologize for my excessive use of the word f*ck, calling people bitch more often than not, and for talking about literally nothing to the point that it could melt brains. However, I apologize for none of it. BECAUSE I DO WHAT I WANT. Except for the picture notice that's above this. I totally meant that.