Sunday, October 31, 2010

Okay ravers, next Saturday the armory in Albany is hosting electronic DJ Pretty Lights. I know, you're amped, I'm amped, lets dance all night and have a good old suicidal Monday after. For those who don't know him, go to the site, download some tunes (they're free) and come out Saturday, November 6th. Tickets here.

Here is a sample of some stuff to get us all through the week.

Keep 'Em Bouncin'

Hot Like Sauce

Finally Moving

If that doesn't get you hyped for the 6th, I don't know what can. Face melting deliciousness. Now off to the Pat's game. Suck it Moss.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

I was reading around and found a Newsweek article about the new War on Drugs the U.S. is fighting is Central and South America.

We all know the basics, there are a few select Tony Montana's in the world who operate huge scale coca plantations for producing cocaine, the number one grossing illegal drug in the world.

But the problem we have had since the eighties is that money that could be going towards education, infrastructure, alternative energy research and the like is being dumped into a hole that is the war on drugs. In this country we over fund police agencies to make arrests that in the big picture do nothing but waste DEA time. Abroad we try to enforce our drug policies and continually try to keep up with illegal cartels who traffic drugs.

According to the Drug Policy Alliance however, "Despite the exponential growth in spending on the drug war, illicit drugs are cheaper and purer than they were two decades ago, and continue to be readily available. In addition, according to White House estimates, 57% of Americans in need of drug treatment do not receive it, in spite of its proven cost effectiveness in reducing drug use."

So there you go, we spend about 40 BILLION DOLLARS every year to combat drugs, but what is suffering from lack of funding? Rehab centers and programs across the country. That makes no fucking sense, why should we worry about policing the world when what we should be doing is securing illegal drug traffic from the U.S./Mexican border and rehabilitating our drug addicted citizens.

And still across the country police incarcerate for possession of marijuana. Our tax dollars never seemed more useless.

Friday, October 29, 2010

So it's that time of year again, do the Red Sox roll the dice and pick up David Ortiz for another year at 12.5 million?

According to ESPN Boston the Sox are leaning towards picking up the option, which of course would piss off Ortiz because he's a big baby and doesn't understand his own streakiness apparently. Off the juice he's not worth shit, and I stand by that. I know everyone in Boston like worships Papi for some reason, but jesus christ, take that money and get younger please Red Sox.

They have until three days after the World Series ends to scoop up the option, or release or resign Ortiz. If they cave and sign him to a multi-year deal I think it will be a bad decision for the Sox in the upcoming years. His best years are over people, sorry. If someone wants to overpay he can go, bye bye to shitty papi.

Just found this video of a reporter in San Francisco at the Giants stadium. Just watch.

Dude, you're in San Fran, I mean come on. Do you remeber the whole thing in the sixties? Yeah, people have probably been smoking weed on the rock next to that Stadium since 69'. Relax, and we all know you went over for a hit right after they stopped filming.

Okay, I had to do it. My mouth has been shut long enough. Now finally people are going crazy over Four Lokos. You've had 'em, I've had too many of 'em, they are bringing college level education in the U.S. to its knees.

I first cracked a delicious Four Loko this June, and I'll never be the same. But some people just don't know when to quit. The first night I discovered them I had three and a half and spent at least a full thirty minutes vomiting and convulsing. And watching the Celtics lose the NBA Finals. All I can say is, Four Lokos proves veteran drinkers from rookies. You must respect the Four Loko, it'll fuck you up, but go too far, and the fucking doesn't stop until the next afternoon. These girls learned the hard way. Like the article says, apparently Four Loko is equivalent to six beers and five coffees.

I checked barstool yesterday and BC issued an e-mail warning about Four Lokos. This is getting out of hand, everyone knows the last bastion of drinking horrifically deadly things is college.

So wait a minute, parents and college are trying to stop kids from drinking Four Lokos because it has so much caffeine and alcohol? In my mind it's all economics.

No wonder poor college kids guzzle it like its the elixir of the Gods. Give us some credit old people. We got our economics down, and economics say we wanna get loko! You say they're going to be made illegal? Okay, so now everyone is just buying by the case instead of singles, good call again old people.

And don't fault the company for hitting every major demographic in colleges across the country:

Frat Boys: Who needs to fuck around with roofies and a punch bowl when you got a case of these bad boys? Nothing puts a freshman girl to the floor like a couple Four Lokos. And these guys mean business. Frat boys basically worship the drink these days, using forklifts to buy palette upon palette. Stock up all you AEPi's and TKE's, if they're made illegal, you gotta go back to good old fashioned roofies and jungle juice, and who wants that?

Freshman: From above we know how the freshman women consume Four Loko, chugging one and waking up the next morning naked in a frat house. But there is another group here, possibly the most poor, desperate, demographic known to mankind. The freshman male is both broke AND always looking to get blackout drunk because all his female peers are snatched up by upperclassmen. So where can you throw that 3.50$ and get the most bang for your buck? Look no further than the delicious Four Loko. Mhmm crying about missing mommy and not getting laid never felt so good.

Lastly, The Tanks: Tanks are college staples, you know that one three hundred pound lineman on the football team who can guzzle any alcohol to the point of a normal persons death, during pregame. Well, for the serious drinker, Four Lokos is a must. Nothing gives you more drunk in as little liquid, besides delving into absinthe or 151 or moonshine, but I mean, lets keep it somewhat civil. The Tank loves Four Loko because it is his equal. It can tame any self proclaimed "Tank" and prove or disprove one's tolerance for the devil's piss.

Becuase these groups loves Four Loko, it will never die, if it is made illegal a smart company with a similar product (no thank you Sparks) will come around and made cake off of it until it also becomes illegal.

The Title song, Black & Yellow is Wale over the newest radio track by Wiz Khalifa. Wale kills it, and come on, naming a tape after Mike Tomlin? So sick. Anyway the mixtape is full of tracks with great artists, Wiz makes a couple appearances, Talib Kweli has a spot. Even John Mayer on a rap mixtape? Only Wale. I think he took a lot of shit for doing Chillin with Lady Gaga but come one people, like it or not Lady Gaga is a force in music right now, and you'd do a sick song with her if given the chance.

It feels like Wale is going back to his roots more, stylized samples with sick, lyrical flow. Wordplay's beat is 9th Wonder, sick producer. Excellent storytelling throughout. This is a must listen for Wale fans, and hip hop heads in general.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Okay so the new season of South Park, which ye slackers can see here, is in full swing and I'm not sure if I'm sold on this season. I mean, the NASCAR episode was pretty fuckin funny, making fun of rednecks is sure TV gold.

The second episode was okay, except I was talking to some people about it and I guess the whole part with Kyle's mom was a reference to "The Real Houswives of New Jersey?" Come on guys, no one who watches your show watches that one also. Jersey Shore, yeah obviously everyone loves making fun of them, but the Housewives? My mom watches that, not me.

Then "Insheeption." Okay it was pretty funny to make fun of how ridiculously complication Inception was, but, overall, the episode was not that funny. The same continuous joke the entire episode, even Family Guy kills their long winded jokes at like five minutes.

And now we have the second part of the "Coon" saga. This episode I liked, but it is good as a parody of our hindsight prone culture, not really that funny. Honestly I think it's more sad than anything to bring up how shit fucks up and we just think about what we could have done. Weak.

That said, I have faith in the creators of South Park, and I'm hoping they will recapture the magic they had just last season with such gems as "Medicinal Fried Chicken" and "Scrotey McBoogerballs."

So apparently there's some kind of weird monkey in Myanmar that can tell when it's going to rain. I mean where were these fuckers when Katrina hit? If there was one of these monkeys in New Orleans it probably would have freaked out and blown its own head off, saving the lives of many people. And who knows, they probably have a cousin monkey out there in the jungle somewhere that can cure cancer with its shit or something.

But not to make ugly rain detecting monkey feel too bad, here's the worlds most beat chick. WARNING, the following woman is so beat, your dick may retract inward, causing confusion. It happened to me. This is not a Halloween thing, this woman is in Ripley's as the ugliest woman in the world, I'm sure pappy is proud. I'm surprised he didn't just take her out back and put her down. Rest assured, I do NOT want one of those.

Okay, elections are coming up as you all know. We all get calls at the house which lead us to promptly bitch out some poor cold calling intern at the bottom rung of political slavery. Recently I think in NY more than ever we need a drastic change.

Admittedly, I steer clear of politics when I can. I don't watch the news, every channel is biased in some way and they never tell the people the entire truth.

One thing however I do feel strongly about is the need for a multi-party system in America. The two party system is not conducive to change. The two parties have their platforms, in America they use social issues to polarize themselves. Republicans anti-abortion, Democrats pro-choice, the list goes on and on. But when candidates of either of these two parties are elected, we see little actual changes in policy that affects Americans everyday. Both parties spend money faster than we can print it with no actual fiscal control. Both parties employ "pork barrel" techniques to tack on special things to bills, usually pet projects to help them get re-elected.

What is the answer, you ask?

Third party candidates.

At either the state or federal level their needs to be a third party candidate elected. We as the younger generation need to take some kind of stand and say that just because this is how American politics have been almost forever, we don't like it. It needs to change. So, for the upcoming Gubernatorial election, I give you Green candidate Howie Hawkins. And for those of you who are like "oh green party, weed and tree hugging," take a look at his site and just see if you like some of his platform, it is much more practical than Andrew Cuomo's, who has run an impotent campaign, and Paladino, who is a capitalist at heart and will not help NY's workers and lower class. Plus Howie has a sense of humor.

Other countries use multi-party systems, which allows for better representation of voters, AND promotes political team work as multiple parties must align for a majority on voting.

This entire election we see candidates saying "Time to change Albany" or "We need new people on Capital Hill," I urge you to follow this advice, vote third party, and let's start to create some real change. Not just another big talk no change douchebag.

I mean, really, this guy is in the fucking lead in the polls? Hello Vermont, here I come.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

So as predicted, the Heat give up their opener at TD Garden to a Celtics team that for better or worse came ready to play the most talked about team in the NBA since Kobe and Shaq shared a locker room.

Everyone is shitting on the Heat now and it's pretty stupid. I mean look, in the first quarter it looked like a shitshow, Heat put up nine points, C's sixteen. Snoozefest. Sloppy. But while I was watching it I was thinking "when are the Heat going to force their way back in?" And they did, getting it down to a three point deficit before three's from Ray Allen and Paul Pierce clinched the win.

A couple things, first, Rondo. Now he had seventeen dimes, infuckingsanity. But two for nine from the floor? When he was guarded by Eddie House at times? Come on man, Eddie House is a one step burn for Rondo, and while he did distribute the ball, we need to press the issue with Rondo more. Take it at someone and dish, especially when it's fucking Eddie House. Jesus. But, prediction for the NBA season, Rondo will lead the league in dimes this year, it'll happen.

Another thing, people who are all over the Heat already...are you fucking kidding me? Dwayne Wade had a horrible game, he looked rustier than my car. When he gets a few games under him, maybe drop thirty on some shmuck team, they will kill. Lebron put up thirty one without breaking a sweat, if Wade plays anywhere near what we know he can, they beat the Celtics handily.

Where the fuck was Chris Bosh is my question? I think he'll be the biggest loser in this superteam in Miami. He looked lost out there. Hey, Chris, pull Shaq out from under the hoop and take shots. Don't fuck around in the post with your lanky ass. It isn't what he does. Eight points? Shaq and the Celtics big men, Jermaine O'Neal, KG, Large Infant, who aren't exactly the dream team, made him look very average.

So, overall reaction the Game One. The Heat are going to crush the NBA. The Celtics right now are the gatekeepers to the East, and the Heat played like fucking shit and pushed the game to the last minute. Give it a month and they'll be rollin' teams. By the way, this will be the matchup for the Eastern Conference, no doubt.

And Lebron saying after the game that they were "too unselfish," come on man, you guys just didn't hit shots. It's all good you know you will tonight.

PS Hannah Storm looking sexy as shit in this video? Damn girl where the fuck have you been.

Welcome to Boston Shaq Diesel. ESPN has Lebron's breakaway dunk as the dunk of the night. Fuck that shit. this is definitely the dunk of the night.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

NBA season opens up tonight. Time for The New Big Three to test the old guard. Doc already said it. The circus that is the heat will have the sports media attached to their collective balls all year. But if the Celtics are still around in June who gives a fuck. I can't wait to hate on the heat all year. Bring it motherfuckers.

Alright well its a slow news day other than the C's opener. Romo is gone, Cowboys are fucked what else is new. Women getting stomped at political appearances. Yawn. So here is a taste of what you've missed if you haven't been on youtube in the last five years or are culturally challenged.

It's hard to say what fucking drugs these guys were on when they thought this up. But I'm glad they did.

If you haven't seen the Bed Intruder Song Report you really are a hermit. Like this dude sang it at the BET awards and shit. Song's on fucking iTunes, he's like the new Justin Beiber.

Bro Rape. A classic if there ever was one. Derrick Comedy blew up the youtube scene a few years back. The black dude is on some shit NBC show or something now, well it just goes to show that grassroots youtube celebrity can only be followed by sell out network gigs. Enjoy.

This one is barely a year old but the enthusiasm this man has for double rainbows makes me happy to be alive.

gotta throw in some wildlife. This shit has like 32407845894743 views. Ridiculous. This video defines safety in numbers. It also proves that anyone who's like "I want to go to Africa, it's so cool blah blah" is a moron. Yeah go into the bush and see what the fuck happens. Everyday shit is eating shit, it's like Compton but with deadly animals. Sick.

Alright, if you watched all those, or you have seen them before, you are culturally up to date completely. Save a couple Lohan beaver shots (nothing special there).

OH SHIT. I almost did you a complete disservice. If there is any video you should know by heart. Possibly even own some merchandise based on it.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Okay I like to watch two guys maul each other as much as the next guy but this MMA thing drives me nuts. I feel like everyone who follows it just hops on the dick of the new guy who's coming up. Then they attach themselves to this fighters balls like a high school cheerleader on the game winning QB. Case and point, Brock Lesnar. He's huge, with a scary tatoo on his chest, and he crushes people.

Now if you didn't catch it he got turned out by Cain Valasquez.

Now this is no big deal, but MMA works like such a dumb sport with no brains. The promoters build up someone to the fans, Lesnar, and now everyone is freaking out because he lost. Guest what? It's a sport where you try to destroy your opponent in a slew of different ways. You can't win everytime. I'm calling it now, I don't know shit about MMA, but sound the choo choo because it's all aboard the Valasquez dick riding train.

Like thats as big of a deal as Drew Brees getting turned out by Cleveland anyway.

Or, the man of the hour Jonathan Byrd. Ace in the hole. For the win.

And for those of us who think with our dicks, an ace doesn't beat Adrianna Lima in this two million dollar bra from Victoria Secret. Start saving fellas

Sunday, October 24, 2010

I feel like a fucking kid again. Nerds unite!
This site is the shit, nostalgia galore, if you'd rather not watch the bills beat the ravens? NBA Jamz definately more interesting than the NFL, or homework.

In other depressing news, the onion informs me that any time women aren't picking up their phones, they're getting dogged out by someone else, sweet. Goddamn whores.

And to make my mood worse, the number one porn site in the universe, xnxx has been down all week, they got cum in the server or some shit. Fuck youporn I want some good shit. Now ill be playing NBA jams instead until my fingers bleed. Go pats

Friday, October 22, 2010

until I saw this. Now let me just say I was ahead of the curve on calling McDonald's bluff on they're chicken nuggets being real chicken yadda yadda. Is this what real chicken looks like?! Like what the fuck do you do to a chicken to make it strawberry soft serve? And how the fuck does that turn into a chicken nugget. Fuck.

Sometimes I wonder how dumb America is. Like why couldn't I think of the double-ended jar for peanut butter? Fuckin' a I could be a billionaire. Peret Pan and Jiffy will pay top dollar for this design, or just steal it. The bottom 10% of peanut butter in the jar is how the consumer has been fucked for years. I swear to fucking god I could have come up with this any one of the hundreds of times I've gone to make a PB&J while stoned off my ass. Damnit.

Since we're on the topic of food I'll also say good riddance to the worst marketing campaign in the history of chips.

Even if you don't like Sunchips, by now you've definately heard the deafening, turbine engine style bag they developed because it is 100% compostable. Hey Frito-Lay, newsflash, Americans don't give a flying fuck about the planet, especially composting their bag of chips after it causes they're hearing ability to be impaired to the point where they need a hearing aid after two lunches with these fucking bags. C'mon guys we still go up to the melting ice in the Arctic and club polar bear cubs as they try to climb onto the ice.

Like seriously, all you needed was anyone with a brain in the test groups for these bags instead of tree huggers to know it wasn't going to fly. Like you can picture the left-of-Lenin liberals in the control group, they can't even talk to someone while eating these chips, but at least when you're done the bag will decompose on the pile of shit we all keep in our backyard for fertilizer. Welcome to the future people, no one care. Pick the bag up off the aisle and it sounds like you knocked your smacking your kid repeatedly with a newspaper in the snack food aisle. That sounds fun. Christ. Where is Dennis Leary when you need him?

PS this video obviously took many painstaking hours and I love it so fuck yourself.

Why the fuck is it that any time I begin to have a bit of faith in Western Civilization, I read something that makes me want to vomit.

One thing that has always driven me nuts is how Americans, and apparently Europeans,view Muslims, and Islam in general.

Let me just say this once, take it or leave it, believe me or not, but if you don't you are just an ignorant American pig, and you are why the world hates us.

Islam is NOT a religion based on violence and hatred. It, like Christians who say the Bible addresses abortion, is adopted for extremist purposes to justify things like 9/11 and various other attacks worldwide.

There are over a billion (1,000,000,000) Muslims worldwide. That is more than any other denomination in the world. Roman Catholics are close but about 200,000,000 people off. Think about this, recent estimates put Al Qaeda in Afghanistan's numbers to less than 500. Out of a billion...yet Americans everywhere seem to think that every Muslim everywhere is just a sleeper agent waiting to kill us all.

Even the normally left-of-Lenin Dutch are catching America's ignorant fervor. A Right Wing politician there,Geert Wilders, and his Anti Islam party, were recognized as the third largest political force in the last elections. One of their brilliant platforms? Banning the Quran, Islam's holy book. Are you fucking kidding me Europe? Do you enjoy being bombed by Muslims pissed at shit like this?

I think the whole world has gone mad. Shouldn't we try to understand Islam and bring Muslims into our cultures so they don't hate us and we don't hate them? No, lets ban their religion, something that Communist China and the all powerful Soviet Union couldn't do in their time. If Lenin and Stalin couldn't do it, are the fucking Dutch really going to take the lead in world douchebaggery? I hope not.

I feel like actions like these give Muslims an excuse to rally behind extremist leaders. Oh you're going to ban our holy book, you Dutch fucks? OK, send a boatload of your tourists past Somalia, and see what fucking happens. Like, there are a billion of us but the fucking little nub of the Netherlands doesn't want to deal with us? Well fuck yourselves and hope we don't invent a tighty whitey bomb that actually works.

That said, enjoy your Friday, I know I'm going to. In brighter news, the Jersey Shore finale was last night. If I didn't explode your head with my pro towel head rant, decompress and catch the finale to melt your brain tissue just a bit. finally we see my boy DJ Pauly D get into the mix of lying and bullshit. Enjoy.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Now I know some of you saw this on Barstool today. For those who live under a rock, or at least don't read awesome blogs...Barstool

But I have a bigger point to make. This video perfectly illustrates the difference between America and Europe. Our mentalities are just different. Don't believe me? Try this.

Go out to a bar wherever. Bring along a pink thong and matching dildo. Upon drinking enough to be stumbling all over the place like Helen Keller, wait for police intervention.

Here's where my point comes in. A cop responds to your drunk ass, and here's the moment of truth. In the U.S. when a cop cites you for public intoxication, he beats you. We see that in Germany this rule is quite lax. Then if you try to run from the officer, further beating and handcuffing, probably with a night stick shot to the sack mixed in. In Germany, they just chase you down and sit you in a bush. Now heres the good stuff. The cop in Germany reacts to being poked with a pink dildo by simply putting in the bike basket. In the United States this would be dealt with differently.

When you poke the likely homophobic peace officer with your secret dildo. He will turn and abruptly poke you back, with a closed fist. After you stumble, he will beat you like Rodney King,mace your eyes, break both your legs and possibly insert aforementioned dildo into your ass in the process. In Germany, the cop kinda likes it and barely notices. Never in Amurrica.

Oh, and if you're a girl, obviously the cop will just violate you with your pink weapon of pleasure and send you on your way. The American cop...would do the same.

I'm just saying
This is a win for drunken dildo wielding criminals in Germany and everywhere.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

So if you haven't caught the SportsCenter cycle today Mark Schlereth was on talking about the fines the NFL handed down for the several helmet to helmet hits this weekend.

I applaud him for saying what everyone is thinking, how can the NFL sell videos of hard, bone crunching hits AND turn around and fine safeties and corners for doing what their job requires? I'm not saying lead with the helmet, but as a safety you are to pursue the ball and remove it from a reciever's possession. In other words, you crush them.

Here's my new hero and his own bone crunching hit on the NFL. Fine him for this Roger Goodell.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

We all have homework, or work in the morning, so here are a couple things to assist you in not accomplishing anything in the next twelve hours. Because who actually wants to do something constructive? Just sit at your computer and roast your brain instead, that's what I do.

Listening to music and researching the artist instead of work is classic...enjoy some Das Racist

Still trudging through? Close to actually cracking that book?Don't cave in! Get your nerd on and play some chess instead, if you wanna get diced my screen name is m0ngooschess

If you are a Ravens fan then I know exactly what you need to get you through the night to the morning commute, enjoy. Pats fans might also enjoy looking that over. And by the way, New York sports media talk show hosts cough cough Sinkoff who said that Deion Branch is old and the Patriots would regret not having Moss yadda yadda, if you watched the game today you saw a system at work. We don't need Randy Moss. I'll say it again. The Patriots do NOT need Randy Moss. They have two young tight ends who both are promising, Hernandez is going to have a huge breakout year when all is said and done, they have Branch and Welker and Tate and Edelman. Sure a deep threat is well and good but do Branches nine catches for 90+ yards and a touchdown compare to Moss? I mean this year Moss hasn't had more than five catches in a game and never more than eighty one yards...yeah we need him desperately.

I think today's game was a huge middle finger from the Pats who everyone in the media who said they couldn't hack it without Randy Moss. How many rings does Deion Branch have? Oh yeah, I forgot, two. I can already hear every commentator on ESPN backtracking and joining the Pats Nation in saying, "Randy who?"

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Espn Boston's Mike Reiss is reporting that not only is Deion Branch coming back to New England for another shot at the title, he is taking a pay cut as well. The pay cut will put his base on par with Wes Welker's ($2.15 million for 2011).Full Story Here

This move is sensible considering they will be the new one two punch, along with the young tight ends making an impact I'd say our passing game won't suffer too much without Randy. The Patriot's are showing that they want to take it back to basics, no high payed divas, and they are also lining up a draft next year that will put us back on top of the NFL soon enough, which is good because I think Tom's other fingers are getting a bit warm without any rings on them.

This is why the Pat's giving up Randy Moss will turn out to be a good deal. Now we have a good receiver who will take a pay cut AND won't be an idiot every time his contract is about to be up.

We'll see what happens in a crucial game this week against the Ravens but if past performance is any indicator, we got rings on the way, the Brady to Branch connection is back, and I for one say thanks Randy, but if you would rather play for a team a year past its prime, and catch some passes from the ancient Wrangler man himself, have fun.