A Dies Natalis Solis Invicti Sermon

I’m not one who tends to like sermons. They are generally an opportunity for someone who considers themselves religiously informed and exemplifying piety to wax poetic on the moral failings of others, whatever they might seem to be in the eyes of said informed and pious individual. Whole religious traditions not only base their so-called “practice” on listening to this sort of drivel on a weekly (or more frequent) basis, but some even consider it a sacrament to do so.

I’m definitely not one of those.

However, given “the day that’s in it,” as we used to say in Ireland, I’d like to take this opportunity to discuss something that has been making the rounds amongst certain creedal monotheists in their homiletic and sermonizing activities of late.

On the latter question, I don’t know what to say other than that the two individuals who have come up with this formulation clearly don’t believe in the “god” they seem to be saying is missing from schools. An infinite, omnipotent, and eternally good and just deity would never allow a school shooting to happen just because gay marriage exists in the world. If this is the god they say they believe in, that god should come under just as much critique, scorn, and ridicule as these two poor excuses for human beings. This conclusion is nonsensical, illogical, utterly bigoted, ridiculous, and downright stupid, and any individual who makes such an argument should be prohibited from being around children or operating heavy machinery. Ideas like the ones they’re spouting in this case have lead to innumerable acts of violence–often resulting in death–to thousands of individuals (if not far far more), and yet they’re allowed to still speak this drivel, not only with complete and utter lack of responsibility, but the ability to get money for doing so tax-free from the government. Do us all a favor, please, and the next time you think it might be a good idea to play the role of “informed and pious commentator” on these issues (which you don’t even do a convincing impersonation of on your best days), instead slice yourself a nice big piece of Xmas fruit cake, stuff it in your mouth, and chew it up really good; if necessary, repeat until the feeling goes away or you lose consciousness. The filth which will eventually emerge from your other end is nothing on what you’ll prevent from coming from your mouth by doing so, and your plumber will also thank you for the extra business.

As for Mr. Ratzinger: your high-fashion Italian shoes might cost more than my whole wardrobe, but they’re as outdated as your mindset. Your pomp, your honors, and your titles are far less “real” than the identities of queer people that you say are “made up” and don’t really exist, and yet if anyone were to deny your titles you’d throw a little fit. So, get with the program, fella.

The reason that religion isn’t in schools any longer, and doesn’t inform public discourse and politics like it used to? Because idiots like yourselves have done enough damage to the world and to their fellow humans by saying exactly these sorts of things with the apparent sanction of a god who objects to your rhetoric (and your theologies!) just as much as you object to your assumed opponents.

So, I’d like to take these few minutes, on your second holiest day of the year (though undoubtedly in your minds one of the holiest, since it’s a national holiday in most countries, and brings in lots of money and air time for your religion and yet another reason for you to complain that your religions don’t rule the world because some people prefer to say “Happy Holidays”), to point out that on this day, when one of your most important gods (but clearly nowhere near as important as some of your other gods, like Money and Power, since you consistently fail to follow the teachings of this particular god that you say are infallible “gospel truths”) was born, to say that another god born on this day, Sol Invictus, is the Sun of Justice (and Son of Justice) just like your other god (and I wonder where his latter-day followers got that term from…hmm!), and in the name of Sol Invictus, may the light of the sun that shines upon everyone alike, idiot and informed, hypocrite and pious, blow-hards and benevolent, may all who are just receive warmth and light, and may all who are unjust be burned until there is nothing left and dried out so that your words are forgotten from the earth.

To all of the good Christians out there, I wish you a very Merry Christmas, and I hope you are strengthened in your faith and in your lives of good and holy works under the guidance of your good newborn god, Jesus of Nazareth.

To all of the good polytheists out there, I wish you a very Happy Birth of Sol Invictus/Helios, and may your lives and works be blessed constantly and nurtured in virtue by the light of these good gods, and all of your other gods and ancestors.

And to all of the Antinoans out there, may the Good God, the Boy of Bithynia, be with you every day of your lives, together with his lover Divus Hadrianus, and may you grow in love and peace and strength under their guiding examples, on this day and every other day for the duration of your time upon the earth.