When I know, and yet don’t do

Well, it’s been less than a week, and I am already comfortable with the way I look without make-up. I just saw Carrie Underwood perform on the Grammys (great, huge hair and eyelashes), and I did wistfully wish I could pile on some mascara tomorrow. But other than that, I’ve been feeling fine.

However…it’s still Lent. I still feel called to engage a spiritual discipline, to re-commit to something that will bolster me in a new way, or underscore my experience of the world in a new way. I’m deciding between reading the Bible daily (which I always feel I should be doing anyway), and writing my prayers.

I’ve gone through periods in my life where I wrote my prayers out every night, and those were times that were really strong, joyful, and full of unexpected goodness. I always think, as I begin to experience those things, that I will never stop–why would I ever stop? But then somehow, life gets busy, and I put off one night, and I fall out of the habit. I take small comfort in the knowledge that spiritual greats for time immemorial have written about similar experience–that even if our soul and heart knows where it should be, it’s hard to keep in practice.

Why is this? What is this calloused quirk of human nature? That we know what’s good for us, and resist. We know we’ll feel better if we drink water, eat breakfast, and get a good night’s sleep. If we apologize, say a few words of kindness, admit we were wrong. But these can be hard, even with practice!

So: back to practice. I’ll start with prayer, tonight.

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2 Responses

I say that it is a quirk of the human condition, not human nature. Human nature is, in essence, beautiful and everything that you aspire to. Its the human condition that is the problem, the mass hypnosis and ignorance of the culture that wants to suck or tempt you back into ways that do not best serve you. But this is the challenge. Connecting with people, words and ways that support what is true for you will help.