To everyone at Customers Suck, I wish these stories were made up, I truely do. All of these stories have taken place since Wednesday, so I will just divide them up like that.

Wednesday

I have been off work for ten days, I come back, sit in the office and have a chat with another manager over what has happened while I have been away. I look on the camera and notice that the bar is getting busy, so I step out to help my co-worker.

Me: Who was next please?
Customer: Hi there, could I have...

Next thing I knew, Psycho Bitch jumps in.

PB: EXCUSE ME!! I THINK YOU'LL FIND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WAS NEXT!!!111!!!
Me: Oh, I'm sorry, I've just come from the back room so I don't know...
PB: WELL YOU SHHHHHOULD! TAKE MY ORDER NOOOOW! I MUST ORDER NOOOOW!!

The customer I first went to mouthed "Just serve her" to me.

Welcome back to work customersruinmylife!!

Death Returns

We haven't seen much of Death, but there he was, wandering around. He walked up to the bar, bought a pint of cider, but returned a few minutes later. He barged up to co-worker. It just so happened that it was the same co-worker that threw a pint over his head a few weeks ago.

Death: This doesn't taste right.
CW: Oh? What's wrong with it?
Death: It just doesn't taste right. Give me my money back.
CW: OK but you can give me the pint back.
Death: So you can throw it over me again? No! I'm keeping it and I'm getting my money back!
CW: No you're not. It's one or the other.

Death turned around and walked off. He returned after finishing his pint.

Death: I'm getting my moneys worth back!

Next thing we knew, he was running off with our muffin display! We shouted "HEY!!" and he dropped it. It was decided at that moment he was banned for life.

That was Wednesday.

Thursday

MOVE!

A concerned looking girl walks up to me.

CG: Hi there, ummm, me and my friends are having a meal, and this drunken old couple have come and sat with us. We have no idea why, we don't know them, they have just sat themselves at the end of our table. We asked them to move, seeing as there are plenty of other places to sit, but they just said "No, we're fine here!". We carried on eating, and now they are swearing at us, telling us to fuck off and everything.
Me: OK, I'll come over.

I walk over. I see three girls trying to eat their meals, and a couple, probably in their late fifties sat with them. The couples faces are VERY red, probably from drinking all day.

Me: Guys, these girls were here first, can you move to a free table please?
Woman: No, we're fine here.
Man: Yeah, we're not moving.
Me: No, it's not fine. There are plently of other places to sit, there is a table right there.
Woman: THESE GIRLS DID NOT RESERVE THIS TABLE, SO WE ARE NOT MOVING!!
Me: Did you reserve this table?
Woman: NO! BUT WE ARE MAKING A POINT! THESE LITTLE SLUTS SHOULD LEARN THAT THEY CAN'T SIT WHERE EVER THEY WANT!
CG: EXCUSE ME?!?! WE WERE HERE FIRST!! HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A SLUT YOU HAGGERED OLD C*NT!

Woman stood up, looking as though she was going to strike Concerned Girl.

Me: OK, you are going to have to move. This is NOT ON.
Man: NO! NO! NO!

He bellowed so loud that all my co-workers ran off the bar thinking there was a fight going on. So I now had a captive audience of co-workers and customers.

Man: YOU WILL HAVE TO CALL THE POLICE TO GET US MOVED! WE ARE NOT MOVING! THEY DID NOT RESERVE THIS TABLE! SO WE ARE SHARING IT!
Woman: AND IT'S TOO LATE! WE'VE ORDERED FOOD FOR THIS TABLE NUMBER!
Man: SO WE ARE NOT MOV-

I had had enough of them shouting at me.

Me: SHUT UP! I AM CANCELLING YOUR FOOD AND YOU CAN GET OUT RIGHT NOW!
Woman: YOU CAN'T DO...

At this point, a random customer appeared from no where and jumped in.

RC: WHY DON'T YOU TWO OLD JUNKIE FUCKERS FUCK OFF?!?! EVERYONE IN HERE IS LOOKING AT YOU. FUCK OFF, FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY!

I could have kissed RC. The woman stormed out of the pub, but the man was still there.

Man: You're going to have to call the police, because I am not going.
Me: Fine!

I got my phone out. As soon as he saw it, he bolted. Customers were booing him as he ran out the door.

It still baffles me. I swear, if I EVER see them again, I might spit on them.

You think THAT warrents the police??

Not FIVE MINUTES after the crazy couple, a crazy lady came up to me.

CL: There are two people at the table next to me and they are swearing! If they do not stop I am CALLING THE POLICE!

I went over. It was just two guys having a conversation. They were not loud, they were not drunk, and they were not aggressive. They were just swearing in their private conversation.

Me: Guys...can you keep the language clean?
Guy: Uhhh...Okaaayy.

I walked away and heard one of them call me a "conversation Nazi".

You ate it all?

Another crazy lady walked up to me.

CL: Excuse me, but the wrong meal was brought to my table.
Me: OK, I'll come over and sort that out for you.
CL: ITS A BIT LATE FOR THAT! I'VE ALREADY EATEN IT ALL!
Me: Oyyy.

I can keep this arguement up for hours

After all that, I went back on the bar to get away from the crazy customers on the floor. The bar was just as bad. An old guy obviously tried to jump the line.

Me: Right, you are not getting served, can you please leave?
Death: What?!?! What for??!
Me: You tried to steal our muffin display.
Death: I was going to pay for it!
Me: Was that before or after I shouted at you and you threw it all over the floor?
Death: Uuuuhhh...
Me: Get out.

Saturday

I worked the morning and it was a nightmare. The delivery was over two hours late and showed up two minutes before I was due to open. I had no choice but to delay opening by an hour so I could get it in. There was already a line of old men outside. One of them actually stamped his feet when I put a sign up explaining why I wasn't opening.

I eventually got the pub open. The guy who stamped his feet stormed up to me.

SC: I want to know why you didn't open in time! I had been waiting for two hours for you to open!
Me: I put it all on the sign. I had to get the delivery away.
SC: That is not good enough. You could have still let us in!
Me: Absolutely not.
SC: Whhhhyyy?
Me: I have to think of my own safety and security. Are you seriously suggesting I let the public in this place and leave the bar unattended while I bring the delivery in the cellar? Leave all the full registers on their own, leave all the drink unattended so anyone could help themselves to it?
SC: You should have some faith in people.
Me: Sir, this job has destroyed all faith I have in people.

And that was the past four days! I had a serious talk with my boss. She is on holiday for the next two weeks, and when she gets back, I am cutting my hours down from 45 to 16. That should help.

Wow! I'm so sorry about your week. So it clearly sucks, running a bar in the middle of a mental hospital. I wouldn't have thought the patients would be allowed to drink! I love your posts, btw. You have the absolute worst customers ever.

__________________
It is a terrible thing to see and have no vision.
-Helen Keller

You're right, that was truly epic! I'd say keep em coming, but for the sake of your mental health, I hope they don't!

__________________"If anyone wants this old box containing the broken bits of my former faith in humanity, I'll take your best offer now. You may be able to salvage a few of em' for parts..... " - Quote by Argabarga