xoJane - Intern Alisonhttp://www.xojane.com/author/intern-alison
enCopyright 2015 Say Media, Inc.http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rssTue, 03 Mar 2015 12:33:44 -0800If You Had To Be From A Different State, Which Would You Pick? <!-- tml-version="2" --><p>My friend/Dickensian benefactor&nbsp;<a href="https://twitter.com/SeanCrespo">Sean</a> loves introducing me to people as “Alison, our friend from Minnesota.” Which I have mixed feelings about. I haven’t LIVED in Minnesota for the past year, having moved to Evanston, IL for college and then deciding to spend my summer in New York. I’m so confused about which place to say that <a href="https://twitter.com/sarcasticvoice">my Twitter bio</a> says “NY via CHI via MINN” because I couldn’t choose.</p><p></p><p></p><div tml-image="ci01bb91075001a048" tml-image-caption="&lt;span style=&quot;color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;&quot;&gt;Uncool New Yorker: stopped at the fancy mall at 30 Rock to Instagram a picture that I could add &quot;blerg&quot; to.&lt;/span&gt;"><figure><img src="http://a1.files.xojane.com/image/upload/c_fill,cs_srgb,dpr_1.0,q_80,w_620/MTI0ODUyODc0NDcwNTI4Mjc0.jpg" /><figcaption>&lt;span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;"&gt;Uncool New Yorker: stopped at the fancy mall at 30 Rock to Instagram a picture that I could add "blerg" to.&lt;/span&gt;</figcaption></figure></div><p></p><p>I’m not ashamed of Minnesota; I’m proud of being from Bloomington, MN and think it was a great place to grow up, even though I never want to live there as an adult. I’ve had my fill of it, and prefer to be fond of it from afar and revel in the occasional visit.&nbsp;</p><p></p><p></p><div tml-image="ci01bb910770022a83" tml-image-caption="&lt;span style=&quot;color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;&quot;&gt;As soon as you leave the Twin Cities area of Minnesota, culture is centered entirely around lakes.&lt;/span&gt;"><figure><img src="http://a1.files.xojane.com/image/upload/c_fill,cs_srgb,dpr_1.0,q_80,w_620/MTI0ODUyODc1Mjc1ODU3ODkw.jpg" /><figcaption>&lt;span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;"&gt;As soon as you leave the Twin Cities area of Minnesota, culture is centered entirely around lakes.&lt;/span&gt;</figcaption></figure></div><p></p><p>As much as I love Minnesota, sometimes I wish I were from the east coast. Being from the there seems to (in my anecdotal experience) result in a limited sense of the world outside the region, as well as an undue attachment to passive-aggression. “Minnesota nice” is mostly just “passive-aggressive.” As a pretty blunt person who doesn’t do subtlety well, this has often led to awkward situations.&nbsp;</p><p></p><p></p><div tml-image="ci01bb91079002a048" tml-image-caption="&lt;span style=&quot;color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;&quot;&gt;This trip to San Antonio showed I'd make the worst Texan/gunslinger.&lt;/span&gt;"><figure><img src="http://a3.files.xojane.com/image/upload/c_fill,cs_srgb,dpr_1.0,q_80,w_620/MTI0ODUyODc1ODEyODU5ODc0.jpg" /><figcaption>&lt;span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;"&gt;This trip to San Antonio showed I'd make the worst Texan/gunslinger.&lt;/span&gt;</figcaption></figure></div><p></p><p>Chicago is immune to some of that "Midwest culture," but the city itself isn't a very good place to grow up. And the suburbs are all fairly interchangeable with the Twin Cities suburbs I'm escaping from.</p><p></p><p></p><div tml-image="ci01bb9107c001a048" tml-image-caption="&lt;span style=&quot;color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;&quot;&gt;The Chicago skyline, as seen from a tacky dinner cruise ship where my dorm's formal was.&lt;/span&gt;"><figure><img src="http://a1.files.xojane.com/image/upload/c_fill,cs_srgb,dpr_1.0,q_80,w_620/MTI0ODUyODc2NjE3OTg0NjQz.jpg" /><figcaption>&lt;span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;"&gt;The Chicago skyline, as seen from a tacky dinner cruise ship where my dorm's formal was.&lt;/span&gt;</figcaption></figure></div><p></p><p>Anyway, last night Sean introduced me as such to one of his friends who started asking me what I thought about Minnesota. He said “if I could choose a different state to grow up in, I’d probably pick Minnesota.”</p><p></p><p>&nbsp;Of course I asked “where are you from?”</p><p></p><p>“New Jersey.”</p><p></p><p>Well what a crazy random happenstance that was.</p><p></p><p>Friends, I am an unabashed New Jersey enthusiast. I’m not being ironic there, I think New Jersey is awesome. This has mostly evolved from my love for <a href="https://www.wfmu.org">WFMU, a free-form radio station located in Jersey City</a>. You can listen to it on your radio if you live in the area, but mostly I listen online and through the archives. I’m a die-hard fan of <a href="http://wfmu.org/playlists/BS">The Best Show on WFMU</a>, hosted by Tom Scharpling, who has lived in New Jersey for the majority of his life. He frequently talks about the state, from the Pinball Museum at Asbury Park to the legacy of great punk bands it can claim.&nbsp;</p><p></p><p>Last weekend, I went to New Jersey for the first time, and it felt weirdly spiritual. I went to a show at Maxwell’s, a beloved rock club in Hoboken that unfortunately <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/02/arts/music/a-farewell-party-for-maxwells-in-hoboken.html?hp&amp;_r=0">closed its doors on July 31</a>. I’d heard stories of Maxwell’s for years, and I was very lucky to be able to attend a show there before it closed.&nbsp;</p><p></p><p>The show I went to was a WFMU live broadcast, so I got to work the room and meet a bunch of the DJs in person. I occasionally found myself saying, “Y’know, this is my first time in New Jersey. It’s really exciting.”</p><p></p><p></p><div tml-image="ci01bb9107f003efe2" tml-image-caption="&lt;span style=&quot;color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;&quot;&gt;As I wasn't expecting to write about it, OF COURSE this is the only picture I took in New Jersey. It was vastly underappreciated.&lt;/span&gt;"><figure><img src="http://a4.files.xojane.com/image/upload/c_fill,cs_srgb,w_620/MTI0ODUyODc3MTU1MDI2OTU0.png" /><figcaption>&lt;span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;"&gt;As I wasn't expecting to write about it, OF COURSE this is the only picture I took in New Jersey. It was vastly underappreciated.&lt;/span&gt;</figcaption></figure></div><p></p><p>People mostly thought I was joking, or making fun of them. People from all over the country, but especially New York, tend to treat Jersey as a punchline. I had to add, “No, really. I have so much love and respect for this state.” Which is true.</p><p></p><p>I love most people from New Jersey, and appreciate the “Bad News Bears” kind of culture that emanates from it. Jersey is accustomed to people writing it off, and uses that as a motivator. That’s part of why it can claim so many great punk musicians, because that hard-scrabble mentality is what punk is all about. Even Newark, which is regarded as the Detroit of the east coast, is coming back with one of the best mayors in America at the helm, <a href="https://twitter.com/CoryBooker">Cory Booker</a>.</p><p></p><p>(I know it’s possible that I’m ascribing too much meaning/sunny optimism to my view of New Jersey, OK? But whatever, that’s the point of the piece.)</p><p></p><p>If I were not from Minnesota, I’d <strong>definitely</strong> want to be from New Jersey.&nbsp;</p><p></p><p></p><div tml-image="ci01bb91081001c80a" tml-image-caption="&lt;span style=&quot;color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;&quot;&gt;Philly is my second choice but it comes with a language of weirdos all its own.&lt;/span&gt;"><figure><img src="http://a4.files.xojane.com/image/upload/c_fill,cs_srgb,dpr_1.0,q_80,w_620/MTI0ODUyODc3OTYwMjAyMjUw.jpg" /><figcaption>&lt;span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;"&gt;Philly is my second choice but it comes with a language of weirdos all its own.&lt;/span&gt;</figcaption></figure></div><p></p><p>Have you ever felt drawn to a state that you’ve never lived in? Not just like as a sweet vacation spot but on a deeper level? Or is this all kind of silly?&nbsp;</p>Because I also live in a state of goofy hypothetical questions.http://www.xojane.com/fun/if-you-had-to-be-from-a-different-state-which-would-you-pick
http://www.xojane.com/fun/if-you-had-to-be-from-a-different-state-which-would-you-pickFunThu, 08 Aug 2013 12:30:00 -0700Intern AlisonLet’s Talk About Hostess Gifts, And What Confuses Me About Them<!-- tml-version="2" --><p>I woke up yesterday feeling restless. I wanted to do something but didn’t know what. <a href="https://www.twitter.com/sarcasticvoice">I live-tweeted</a> this boredom (pathetic, I know) in hopes that someone would tell me a thing to do. Sure enough, my friend Emma (a saint) texted me:</p><p></p><p><em>“Hey want to come over to dinner at my sister’s apartment? She’s a cook so it should be good.”</em></p><p></p><p>YES. Success. I took the subway to her sister’s neighborhood, with some time to spare for exploring. When I got off the train, it hit me: <strong>I DIDN’T HAVE A HOSTESS GIFT</strong>.</p><p></p><p></p><div tml-image="ci01bb90dc50019512" tml-image-caption="These things probably aren't good hostess gifts but I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE!"><figure><img src="http://a5.files.xojane.com/image/upload/c_fill,cs_srgb,dpr_1.0,q_80,w_620/MTI0ODUyNjkwMDU1MzkzMjUw.jpg" /><figcaption>These things probably aren't good hostess gifts but I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE!</figcaption></figure></div><p></p><p>Emma’s sister Molly is 22 years old. So having two people over for dinner (one of whom she’s never met) is a relatively big deal of domesticity. A hostess gift is de rigueur.&nbsp;</p><p></p><p>I was raised to bring hostess gifts, but either my age or the modern etiquette has led me to forget/have friends forget occasionally. Thankfully, I had time to spare and there was a grocery store a block away from Molly’s apartment.</p><p></p><p>But what to buy? The standard hostess gift is wine, or a different alcohol if you know your host/hostess’s taste, RIGHT? That’s what TV has taught me anyway. I’m 18 though, so that's out of the question. What else?&nbsp;</p><p></p><p>I ended up getting half a watermelon and a container of lemon sorbet (SUMMER FOOD!) which went well with the magnificent handmade pasta that Molly made (for real, that girl can <em>cook</em>). But it made me think about hostess gifts in the post-Miss Manners age.&nbsp;</p><p></p><p>What are the rules nowadays? Are they different from what they used to be? If you’re going to a dinner with two guests, do you get a bigger/smaller/the same size gift as you would get for a dinner with 15 guests? What are some tried-and-true hostess gifts that <em>aren’t</em> alcohol? How much are you expected to spend for a gift for a casual dinner as opposed to a fancy one?</p><p></p><p>And FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, can we come up with a different name for them than “hostess gifts?” “Hostess gift” makes me feel like I’m bringing a Bundt cake over to Donna Reed’s house and we’re going to plan the Winter Jamboree Sock Hop after dinner while our husbands smoke cigars.&nbsp;</p><p></p><p>Do you guys have answers to any of these questions? Are you similarly confused by hostess gifts or is it just me?&nbsp;</p><p></p><p></p><div tml-image="ci01bb90dc70039512" tml-image-caption="Sidenote: I had watermelon yesterday and today because it is the most naturally joyous food. Look at that joy!"><figure><img src="http://a1.files.xojane.com/image/upload/c_fill,cs_srgb,dpr_1.0,q_80,w_620/MTI0ODUyNjkwNTkyMjUzOTYy.jpg" /><figcaption>Sidenote: I had watermelon yesterday and today because it is the most naturally joyous food. Look at that joy!</figcaption></figure></div>Also, can we come up with something new to call them so it doesn’t sound like I’m going over to Donna Reed’s house?http://www.xojane.com/fun/lets-talk-about-hostess-gifts-and-what-confuses-me-about-them
http://www.xojane.com/fun/lets-talk-about-hostess-gifts-and-what-confuses-me-about-themFunTue, 23 Jul 2013 13:00:00 -0700Intern Alison18 And On OkCupid: How Going Online Helped Me Finally Get Some Male Attention And Better Self-Esteem<!-- tml-version="2" --><p></p><div tml-image="ci01bb9af470012a83" tml-image-caption="Shameless selfie: a necessary part of an online dating profile."><figure><img src="http://a5.files.xojane.com/image/upload/c_fill,cs_srgb,dpr_1.0,q_80,w_620/MTI0ODYzNzg4Nzg3NzA2NDk5.jpg" /><figcaption>Shameless selfie: a necessary part of an online dating profile.</figcaption></figure></div><p></p><p>I’m very dateable.</p><p></p><p>I’m not ugly (I’ve always been a few pounds heavier than the average, but I’ve grown to carry it well, and I have a unique face), I’m smart, I don’t have problems making conversation (although I am awkward in my own charming foot-in-mouth way), I have very specific interests, and I'm very much ON the market.</p><p></p><p>But I’ve NEVER gotten attention from guys.</p><p></p><p>At least, attention that isn’t along the lines of: “Jesus, you sure talk a lot,” or “Why are you so loud?” or “Stop telling me about podcasts, I’m begging you.” This isn’t a self-pity thing. I know that guys my age have yet to figure out that I’d make a rad girlfriend.</p><p></p><p>In February, I decided I was tired of my litany of unrequited crushes. I was tired of feeling like the dumpy friend in the group. I was bemoaning this to a friend in her thirties (because that’s a normal thing for an 18-year-old to have, right?) and she recommended I try OkCupid.</p><p></p><p>“There are definitely people around your age on there. I can’t vouch for their attractiveness or anything, but it’ll boost your self-esteem, if nothing else.”</p><p></p><p>I figured my friend probably knew what she was talking about -- she has the same body type I do (short, big boobs and hips, “curvy” without being plus-sized) and the same interests (podcasts, stand-up comedy, music I’d call “dictionary rock”). And to be honest, my self-esteem about my looks had ended up at <em>20,000 Leagues Under The Sea</em> depths after 18 years of zero percent interest from the male population.</p><p></p><p>So I threw myself into this Internet adventure. I took my own sweet time writing my profile, trying to be honest without letting my self-loathing shine through.</p><p></p><div tml-image="ci01bb9af490012a83" tml-image-caption="In case you doubted how cool I am."><figure><img src="http://a4.files.xojane.com/image/upload/c_fill,cs_srgb,w_620/MTI0ODYzNzg5MzI0NjI3OTM4.png" /><figcaption>In case you doubted how cool I am.</figcaption></figure></div><p>Of course, as anyone who has ever looked at an online dating site knows, a lot of eligible bachelors’ profiles are SUPER GRODY.</p><p></p><p>I saw more typos, fedoras, boring “interests” (Oh really? You like “movies” and “music” and “friends”? Are you sure you aren’t actually a stick figure I drew and threw some generic words at?), and “nice guy” logic than I had ever prepared myself to see. Amid all this though, there were plenty of guys who seemed cool and interesting. I messaged a few.</p><p></p><p>Two hours or so after posting my profile, I had a dozen messages, and they kept rolling in as time went on. They’ve ranged from creepy copy-pasted poems to generic greetings (guys: why are you sending “hi” “sup” or “how’s it going?” as a standalone message? Are you trying to deter women from messaging you back?) to a “25-year-old” offering to be my sugar daddy (who DEFINITELY just wanted to murder me) to a couple that were less skeezy.</p><p></p><div tml-image="ci01bb9af4c0019512" tml-image-caption="take your cheesy generic-ness elsewhere, sir."><figure><img src="http://a3.files.xojane.com/image/upload/c_fill,cs_srgb,w_620/MTI0ODYzNzkwMTI5OTM0MzA2.png" /><figcaption>take your cheesy generic-ness elsewhere, sir.</figcaption></figure></div><p>Age-wise, there was definitely range. The median was probably around 22, but one of the messages was from a dad-type. Not just like, he was old enough to be my father (he was). But he was an ACTUAL FATHER. Of a human child. What about me screams “stepmommy material”? The fact that I can't buy alcohol?</p><p></p><div tml-image="ci01bb9af4e001efe2" tml-image-caption="GET OUT. LEAVE. RIGHT. NOW."><figure><img src="http://a1.files.xojane.com/image/upload/c_fill,cs_srgb,w_620/MTI0ODYzNzkwNjY2Nzk1MDE4.png" /><figcaption>GET OUT. LEAVE. RIGHT. NOW.</figcaption></figure></div><p>As the days went by, this pattern continued. While I wouldn’t even consider responding to most of these poorly-spelled sketchy messes of messages, it felt good to be consistently told that I’m pretty/hot/cute/beautiful. I’ve never gotten that before (outside of well-meaning female friends and sweet gay boys).</p><p></p><div tml-image="ci01bb9af500012a83" tml-image-caption="You wanna know how to charm a girl? Insult one of her favorite movies."><figure><img src="http://a5.files.xojane.com/image/upload/c_fill,cs_srgb,w_620/MTI0ODYzNzkxMjAzNjI1NjAz.png" /><figcaption>You wanna know how to charm a girl? Insult one of her favorite movies.</figcaption></figure></div><p>Initially, I only told Sam, a first tier friend and the sweetest of the aforementioned sweet gay boys. He's never online dated, but he was open-minded and supportive about the experiment. Slowly, I told other friends. I got a mix of responses:</p><p></p><p>“You’re going to get murdered.”</p><p></p><p>“Why would you do that? Guys here [at Northwestern] are all over nerdy girls.” (Yeah, if they’re dainty and look like Zooey Deschanel.)</p><p></p><p>“Oh! That’s…great? Good for you?”</p><p></p><p>No one had even thought about joining OkCupid. This weird feeling of trailblazing uniqueness only fueled my desire to continue.&nbsp;</p><p></p><div tml-image="ci01bb9af52003c80a" tml-image-caption="This seems like some sort of code intended for a spy. Who is it telling me to assassinate?"><figure><img src="http://a2.files.xojane.com/image/upload/c_fill,cs_srgb,w_620/MTI0ODYzNzkxNzQwNTQ3MDQy.png" /><figcaption>This seems like some sort of code intended for a spy. Who is it telling me to assassinate?</figcaption></figure></div><p>Of the guys who I met up with in person, I had some dud dates. One guy who I saw a few times ended up being crazy and <em>terrifying</em>. But they aren’t all like that, and it’s not worth letting those ones scare you off.&nbsp;</p><p></p><div tml-image="ci01bb9af55001c80a" tml-image-caption="I feel like this was either written by A) a character played by Denis Leary in a ‘90s movie or B) the Unabomber."><figure><img src="http://a2.files.xojane.com/image/upload/c_fill,cs_srgb,w_620/MTI0ODYzNzkyNTQ1ODMzMDMy.png" /><figcaption>I feel like this was either written by A) a character played by Denis Leary in a ‘90s movie or B) the Unabomber.</figcaption></figure></div><p>Ultimately, OkCupid helped a weird teenage girl languishing from lack of romantic attention gain some self-esteem, and something close to dating experience.</p><p></p><p>I’m taking a few months off from it right now, and I’m still single as always, but this kind of singledom feels more Murphy Brown than Martha Dumptruck. I’d still LOVE to meet a guy in the regular, IRL sort of way, but it’s nice to know now that there are plenty of guys out there (in Internetville) who are interested in my “type” (I thank Daria for disseminating this interest among guys).</p><p></p><p>Before OKCupid, I had grown so accustomed to friends who had never been without boys crushing on them telling me “I’m SURE there are plenty of boys who like you. It’ll happen soon!”</p><p></p><p>And it turns out, with some extra work and changing my expectations, they were sorta kinda right.</p>While the stigma is definitely disappearing from online dating, it’s still pretty weird for the youngest of us.http://www.xojane.com/sex/18-and-on-okcupid
http://www.xojane.com/sex/18-and-on-okcupidSex, Sex, Sex ... and LoveTue, 16 Jul 2013 14:00:00 -0700Intern Alison