I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone's golf game.
It is called an eraser.Arnold Palmer

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black
men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.Tiger Woods

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do
a golf club, they'd starve to death.Sam Snead

It's not whether you win or lose - but whether I win or lose!Sandy Lyle

My golf addiction is literally out of control. I really want
to play from the moment I wake up to the time I go to bed.Hugh Grant

The average golfer's handicap is his IQ. Girls, believe me,
if your hubby keeps golfing, he will soon have the brain frequency
of a lower primate.Kathy Lette

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?Al Boliska

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world
is when one is playing golf.Robert Lynd

Golf is not a sport. Golf is men in ugly pants, walking.Rosie O'Donnell

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes,
they'd come up sliced.Lee Trevino

I am a winner. I just didn't win today.Greg Norman

Golf is like an 18-year-old girl with big boobs. You know it's
wrong but you can't keep away from her.Val Doonican

My mind is my biggest asset. I expect to win every tournament
I play.Tiger Woods

What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find
in the flight of a good drive.Arnold Palmer

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.William Wordsworth

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an
even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for
the purpose.Winston Churchill

Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being
good at them.Jimmy DeMaret

I'm very lucky. If it wasn't for golf I don't know what I'd
be doing. If my IQ had been two points lower, I'd have been
a plant somewhere.Lee Trevino

They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is
more complicated than that.Gardner Dickinson

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is
so you can't see him laughing at you.Phyllis Diller

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a
flagstick on top.Pete Dye

They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were
taken.Raymond Floyd

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer
spectators.Gerald Ford

Golf always makes me so damned angry.King George V of England

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.Billy Graham

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation.
If you work at it, it's golf.Bob Hope

Golf has more rules than any other game because golf has more
cheaters than any other game.Bruce Lansky

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating.
The other 20 percent lied.Bruce Lansky

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the
wrong golf ball.Jack Lemon

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything
like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the
game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to
hate your enemies.Will Rogers

A hungry dog hunts best.Lee Trevino

It's good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they
are still rolling.Mark Twain

It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I
did it in one afternoon on the golf course.Hank Aaron