Beautiful, Sophisticated Women with Questionable Morals Sought To Work As Secret Agents

An advertisement was recently posted on an online classifieds website seeking “beautiful, sophisticated women” with questionable morals and a knack for seduction to work as secret agents. I know what you’re thinking, this is clearly just a means for sorority alumnae to get out of the kitchen. The company that posted the ad needs women who are “willing to do whatever it takes” to “extract key information” from businessmen. Each assignment pays anywhere from $5,000 to $10,000, depending on how valuable the information is to the company, and how difficult it was for the agent to obtain it. Interested women were asked to send photos and a little information about themselves.

Immediately following my initial thought (which was Where do I sign up?!?!), I obviously wondered about the legality of this “opportunity.” It is covered under SEC Rule 10b-5, a statute regarding fraud. In laymen’s terms, if a businessman “unwittingly” discloses information to a seductress, she is technically allowed to share it with someone, even if that someone plans on trading it.

The man disclosing the information, or the “tipper,” cannot gain any personal benefit from divulging his secrets. Essentially, the seductress has to be really good at getting what she wants without anyone knowing she wants it, a skill I’ve perfected after many a Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and formal season.

There is a catch. Well, two, if you count shacking with crusty, old men. BackPage.com, the website that posted the ad, is like Craigslist’s sketchy cousin. In the past, BackPage has been “accused of aiding sex trafficking of underage girls and prostitution.”

Well, this is awkward. It seems like the life of a female secret agent really isn’t all that appealing. Back to future Disney Princess and/or First Lady for me.