You know what having three kids in five years will give you LOTS of–besides incredible memories, tons of slobbery baby kisses and about a thousand pacifiers that *I promise you*, you will somehow NEVER be able to find at the exact moment when you and your wailing child need them? WRINKLES. Lots of wrinkles.

I’m not saying that kids these days are spoiled by the abundance of hot tool options that make literally almost any person able to avoid the Just-Stuck-My-Finger-in-a-Socket look that I rocked literally from seventh until 12th grade… Wait… actually I am.

Everybody has some place to be, and often, quickly. For me, that place is in my van… stuck in a line of cars that’s being held up by nearby construction as I pound my fists onto my steering wheel and try to prevent myself from unleashing a string of expletives in front of the kids, wondering out loud (for the tenth time that week, likely) why I didn’t leave my house earlier to drop my kids off at school.

When you live in Florida and it’s infernally hot most of the year, the only thing worse than having to drag yourself through the soup we call “air” is getting sun spots from said crazy/hot summer weather.