And she's no blond.....

There is a thread about those supermarket "discount customer" cards
in misc.consumer. Here's MY followup:

Dear Mr. Jones:

We noticed you've not picked up any condoms at SpiffyMart recently.
(Your last purchase was 8 weeks ago.) Further, you have stopped
buying feminine hygiene products, but have sharply increased
your frozen pizza and dinners usage in the same time frame.

It's clear that Ms. Jody Sanders has dumped you. (It's probably
for the best - we knew she was a loser from that cheap shampoo she
buys.) We confirmed this with the Post Office database--yep, she
filed a change of address.

We at Horny International offer our condolences. As the number-one
vender of hot X-rated videos, we'd like to help you out in this
time of stress. If you're feeling lonely, check out our catalog of
both VHS and super 8 tapes.

Order now and we throw in an extra tape FREE!

Yours Truly;

Sleazy Jerk, Marketing Manager.

ps: That "blond" at O'Dougles last Saturday--you bought her
2nd Strawberry Martini? Forget it! She's on her third yeast
infection in as many months, and is a 'regular' at Acme Pharmacy.
(Her HMO computer gossips with ours.) You never know what else she
might have. Our tapes are LOTS safer!..