Chronological
Crue is proud to share these emotion stirring memoirs with Crüeheads
every month, of an extraordinary relationship that grew between a
special young fan and the Crüe's engine room, Nikki Sixx. Come on the
journey with us, as every month we chronologically re-visit the meeting
and treating, the tears and the fears, the inspiration and dedication,
of this unique perspective on life, Crüe and fate. These chapters are
written and contributed under her preferred alias of Angel Aderhold.

Chapter 1 - Mötley Metamorphosis
- July 2000.

I recently turned 30, so
when Mötley Crüe was touring with Theatre of Pain I had just
started driving. I was a 'goody-goody' and I didn't drink, smoke, or do
drugs, and I was a virgin. My idea of living dangerously was backing
out of the driveway without my seatbelt fastened! LOL! My friends would
tease me "Little Girl... while you're at home playing with your Barbies
Friday night, us WOMEN will be playing grown up. Here's 5 bucks, go buy
yourself a new Ken Barbie Doll!" I HATED being teased like
that.

SO... when someone I
barely knew, who knew I had a car asked, "Will you take me to see
Mötley Crüe? I'll pay for your ticket & gas & food etc." I
jumped at the chance & said "As a matter of a fact, YES I WILL!" I
rushed to tell my friends, "I'm going to see Mötley Crüe!" Everyone
laughed..."YOU??? Yeah, RIGHT...SURE!" I said "Seriously, I AM!" and
they said "Ha Ha...YOU wouldn't be caught DEAD at a Crüe show!"

Now, I was familiar with
the Crüe. I knew who they were & had seen them on MTV
& in magazines but being from the DEEP SOUTH, I heard all of the
adults talk of back masking & subliminal messages & pentagons
& the mark of the beast etc. and I was SCARED of Mötley Crüe! LOL!
I had NO INTEREST in buying their tapes, etc. I thought they were devil
worshipers and would put some sort of spell on me!

SO...here I am on my way to
a Crüe show! To put things in perspective, I wasn't allowed to pierce
my EARS until I was 15 and the concerts I had been to were Elvis,
as my parents were Elvis freaks! And I had been to Rick
Springfield & country artists like Charlie Pride & Tanya
Tucker. The wildest thing I had seen was a Duran Duran show!
LOL! Even then I was scared to get on the floor with all of the
screaming & pushing & shoving going on so I sat in the balcony.
AND now, here I was in the parking lot of a Crüe show thinking, "WHAT
am I doing here?"

As we waited in line my
heart was racing, not with adrenaline like the other thousands around
me, but with terror. My palms were sweaty & I was a nervous wreck!
We entered the arena & everyone was yelling & cheering &
smoke was everywhere. It was quite a contrast from "Ladies &
gentlemen, Elvis has left the building!" with his white
jumpsuit & red scarf. There were red scarves but they were tied
around people's foreheads & thighs. I saw a girl wearing a netting
dress that was SUPPOSED to be worn under a prom dress to make it poof
out & she had NOTHING else on. I was amazed! I thought "GROSS" but
at the same time "She's got more balls than 1/2 of the guys here...I
wish I had half of her confidence to wear something & not give a
$HIT!"

The adrenaline in the air
was like a cross between a dirty county fair with greasy workers & Barnum
& Bailey Circus & it's pageantry and color & a Harley
Davidson bike shop with leather and studs & a Fredericks of
Hollywood catalog. It was the most insane thing I had ever seen. I was
part excited & part "Please God, let me get home alive & I'll
NEVER go to another concert again!" My friend asked "Ya wanna buy a
concert T-shirt?" I said, "Are you kidding? NO WAY...my parents would
DIE if they saw me in a Crüe shirt!" As it was, I was already
thinking..."Oh my God, I smell like cigarette smoke & pot from the
air...how am I gonna explain that to my parents? I wonder if I can wash
my clothes before I go home!"

SO...we enter the door to
the floor & people are roaring like the Daytona 500 &
we head for the pit & I'm thinking "I CAN'T DO THIS!" and then I
had a "Little Engine that Could" voice telling me "Yes you can, yes you
can, yes you can." I thought, "I've GOT to do it...I can't be a whimp."
I was scared to get IN the pit because I thought I'd be trampled to
death or need stitches or an MRI! LOL! So I decided to stay on the FAR
edge of the pit but not get IN IT! My friend said, "Later" and headed
for the guardrail, pushing & shoving her way to the front up by
security. I was left alone thinking "NOW WHAT?" and "OH NO, I'm by a
speaker...I'm gonna be deaf!" I don't even remember the opening act
because I was so into "AM I REALLY HERE?" Or is this a Shirley
McClain thing? An out of body experience?

As the lights went out for
the Crüe set to start, I felt like I was in the front seat of a roller
coaster clicking its way to the top of the first hill. I was scared and
nervous but excited & full of anticipation! The concert went by in
a blur. I was like a woman PMSing and eating chocolate for the first
time! It was like...more, more, more... I want them to play 5 hours!!!
I had never seen so much energy in one room in my life! I was in awe
& thought to myself...If you were on stage with THOUSANDS of people
screaming at you with noise like you're inside a hair dryer then WHY
would you EVER need drugs? Wouldn't the adrenaline be enough? I soaked
it all in like a sponge.

When the lights came on I
was sweaty & my makeup was smeared & I probably smelled like
the huge guy's armpits next to me, but I had this 'cat that ate the
canary' look on my face when my friend met back up with me. She said,
"DUDE, Man, you've got yourself a contact buzz from the pot!" and
started laughing & I was saying, "NO I DO NOT!" (Well, maybe a
little) LOL! But it was the adrenaline in the air that made me elated.
It's hard to explain. Being at a Crüe show for me was like trying to
explain to someone in Kansas who's never seen an ocean, what it felt
like to swim & catch a wave & then get sucked back by the
undertow. It's such a rush. It's scary, it's fun...you WANT to get back
to shore but you don't quite want to let go of that feeling of
weightlessness & vulnerability! WOW! I was hooked!

My friend smiles &
says, "Then dude, you're really gonna $hit a suburb now" & she
whipped out two backstage passes from her jeans pocket. I say, "HOW did
you...Where..." and she stopped me & said "Just shut up & let's
go backstage!" I was terrified all of a sudden...OK, the concert was
safe enough but backstage??? NOT ME! I said, "I know what goes on back
there...sex, drugs & rock'n'roll...NO THANK YOU!...that's NOT ME!"
and she told me I had two choices...I could either go WITH her or I
could wait out here ALONE & I looked around and saw all of these
scary looking people left hanging around. It looked like the Adam's
Family casting call. I said, "Uhhh...wait for me!"

SO...we're
in a room full of people being herded like cattle & I saw Nikki
start to walk towards me & I was like, "Is THAT who I THINK it is?"
It was the first time I had ever seen Nikki without his makeup. My
friend says, "Yeah, I told you he was hot, didn't I?" I was stunned...
"DAMN...why haven't I ever noticed THAT?" So, I was speechless
(LITERALLY). I didn't say a WORD to Nikki! He said something like,
"Thanks for coming to the show" or "glad you enjoyed the show" or
something like that & I didn't even respond. I just held out my
piece of paper for him to sign with my mouth gaped open and as he
walked away I turned to my friend with my eyes still fixed on Nikki
& said, "I'm gonna lose my virginity to HIM!...MARK MY WORDS!" She
was laughing so hard, she almost pissed herself & said, "I've
created a monster! The Crüe got to you too...they put a spell on you
after all! LOL!" That's where my Mötley Metamorphosis took place!

On the way home in the car,
my friend ragged me over & over..."If you're gonna lose your
virginity to Nikki maybe you should learn to say 'Hi' first!" &
then she'd say, "No, wait, on second thought...he'd really like
you...he wouldn't have to have a conversation with you! LOL! And if you
DID start to talk, Nikki could just ask for a BJ to shut you up!" I was
like, "OK, enough...I'm serious about this!" and she says "YEAH, I
know...that's what makes it so damn funny!" So I went back to school
& showed everyone my autograph & told them, "I met NIKKI SIXX!"
They teased..."Yeah, right, I bet you signed that autograph yourself, I
bet you didn't even go to the show...Little Girl! You got this stuff
from your friend who has the BALLS to be at a Crüe show, unlike
you!"

So I said, "Whatever"...
but from that point on it was like... Just call me Tom Cruise
because I'm on a MISSION!!!...a mission to get to Nikki again &
lose my virginity!