More Things That Shouldn’t Have Been Invented

Why do I always get the math teachers who can’t speak English? No offense to them, it doesn’t mean they aren’t good at what they do, they’re just not good at doing it in English. Or maybe it’s me (it’s probably me) since I hardly understand math in the first place. Try to teach me that nonsense with an extremely thick accent, and I’m screwed. And yet I always get the foreigners for math. EVERY TIME.

The rest of this post is a continuation of my last one where I listed the first five items on this list of mine. Here I will list the next five things that should never have been invented (for many reasons).

6)Spam. I’m not sure why anyone though congealed ham was a good idea, but the idea of it thoroughly nauseates me. Now, I know there are people out there who quite enjoy the stuff–my grandfather was one of those people–but I am not! Did you know there are also flavored spams? Garlic spam… Yum?

Ditto, my friend.

7)The word ‘moist’. I believe this is one of those words in the English language in which its use (i.e. yum, that cake was moist) always sounds disgusting. The worst is when it’s the only word you can think of to describe the occurring sensation (what a creepy way to have written that sentence, sorry about that) and you are forced to use it. Oh, moist.

8)The style of men’s pants (made popular by the Biebs) in which the crotch is nearly even with the knees. I’m sorry, but are trying to convince me that you actually need all of that room? Because I don’t believe you.

9)Rubik’s Cube.

So I got one of these things to spin around while I’m writing–it helps me process ideas–but then I became frustrated as to why I could only ever solve once side. Turns out you actually need math to solve it.

Yeah, that’s a joke.

10)Stairs. Who needs to climb stuff manually? In the words of Rupee, “the world should be made of escalators and elevators”. I then surmised that the world’s population would probably grow obese. Then we remembered liposuction.