Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Free Ice Cream

I find it interesting that 120 days before the presidential election, Obama comes up with a new plan to raise taxes on people earning more than $250,000 annually, while extending the Bush tax cuts for an additional year for people earning less than $250,000 (read: everyone else).

By the same token, I find it interesting that, at election time, Obama will now allow some Latin citizens the chance to remain in this country, especially when he promised a comprehensive immigration program in his first year in office in his 2008 campaign of lies and rhetoric.

Firstly, the total revenue that will be generated from the proposed tax targets will be enough to run the federal economy for 8 and 1/2 days. Secondly, by extending the Bush tax cuts for an additional year, he will satisfy the short sighted people whose votes he aims to garner.

So, what is his real intent? He will satisfy people who are economically unaware of the total revenues to be generated. His intent is to promise "free ice cream" to every unknowing voter in America (much like his broken 2008 campaign promises), which will hopefully lead to his re-election. Should he be re-elected, he will then become a lame duck president and will not renew the bush tax cuts after the proposed one year extension. That extension was solely a vote buying tactic.

Obama is an egotist whose total aim is raising his status. He was and is woefully unprepared for the presidency and is only concerned about his legacy. He has failed miserably. He promised the deficit would be cut in half by the end of his first term. He promised to close Guantanamo. He promised to allow five days of public comment before signing bills. He promised to introduce a comprehensive immigration bill in the first year. I could go on......

Unfortunately, one of his supposed accomplishments is untrue. He is not the first black president of the United States. He is the first mixed race president of the United States (his mother was white).

For those who care, I didn't like Bush and I don't like Obama. The unfortunate thing about the leaders of our nation is that the smartest people go into business and make money. The leftovers become politicians.

The celebrity reverse mortgage scam: I'm unsure what the newest deal is with celebrities hawking reverse mortgages, but everyone and his uncle seems to be on board. Wayne Rogers from "M*A*S*H", Fred Thomson of "Law and Order" and even the "Fonz", Henry Winkler are now schilling these products.

I'm figuring that either they really need the money or it's just another scam from mortgage bankers to rip us off. Either way they haven't stooped to whoring like Joe Theisman (Super Beta Prostate) and Jimmy "the dickhead" Johnson (Extenze).

The News As I See It: A record-breaking heat wave has been hitting the entire country. It was so hot yesterday, I was sweating like Obama trying to spin the latest unemployment numbers.
It was so hot, Eric Holder was smuggling water pistols.
It was so hot, Mexicans were crossing the border on Slip 'n' Slides.

The White House is telling Americans not to "read too much" into Friday’s bad jobs report or as Americans put it, "You had me at ‘don’t read too much.'"

Mitt Romney is now promising conservatives that if he is elected, he will put Anderson Cooper back in the closet.

Best Buy just announced plans to lay off 600 Geek Squad employees. In response, Geek Squad employees were like, "Whew, good thing I already live with my parents."

A high school in Indiana is requiring every student to buy an iPad instead of using textbooks. That’s no big deal. In China they require every student to make an iPad instead of using textbooks.

Over the weekend, a man in Massachusetts was chased by a great white shark while he was kayaking for the first time.....or as he’s now calling it, "kayaking for the last time."

Monday was O.J. Simpson's birthday. O.J. celebrated his birthday with some friends in prison and they had a nice little party for him. Out of habit, after he cut the cake he hid the knife.

Congratulations to Courtney Kardashian, who has a brand-new baby girl. I was worried that there was going to be a shortage of Kardashians. Thank the lord for basketball players.

Barney Frank became the first congressman to enter a same-sex marriage. As opposed to most congressmen, who prefer to just enter someone else’s marriage.

This Date In History: 1533;
Pope Clement VII excommunicated England's King Henry VIII.
1804;
Former vice president Aaron Burr fatally wounded former secretary of the treasury Alexander Hamilton in a duel. Hamilton died the following afternoon.

1864;
Confederate general Jubal A. Early and his troops attacked Washington, DC. They retreated the next day, ending the Confederate threat to occupy the capital.
1914;
Babe Ruth made his major league baseball debut as a pitcher for the Boston Red Sox.

1977;
Martin Luther King, Jr., was posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom for his work to advance civil rights.
1989;
Actor Laurence Olivier died.
1995;
The United States and Vietnam established full diplomatic relations.

2011;
The News of the World, a British newspaper owned by , closes after several allegations that the paper's journalists hacked into voicemail accounts belonging to not only a 13-year-old murder victim, but also the relatives of soldiers killed in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Picture Of The Day: The city of San Bernadino now becomes the third California city in one month to file for bankruptcy. How long is it going to take for the United States government to realize you can't spend money you do not have? California will become the first state to declare bankruptcy if they don't take immediate, drastic measures to cut spending (a point I have brought up many times in the past).

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1)When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for 5 minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice. 2) A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
3) Two cows were grazing on the side of a hill and one turned to the other and said, "Mooo." The other cow replied, "Damn, I was just going to say that." 4) I have a very rare photograph of Houdini locking his keys in his car. 5) A woman once told me that her philosophy about life was that if it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Cancer - July 11th: Hump day brings some good fortune for you as today's efforts will result in some well needed income. As a side note, don't blow it all on emotional or unnecessary things. You can, however, make a small investment with that particular person behind the bar that you've been eyeballing. Chance of romance is 46.12 percent.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill:Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, "I sure wish I could do that!" The other one looks at him and says, "I think I'd pet him first."

At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar. At the session last week, the Priest asked Giuseppe, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, "Wella, I've a-tried to treat-a her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!"

The Priest responded, "Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here. Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?" Giuseppe proudly replied, "I'm agonna go get her."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "What human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?" Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued. "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
One, you have a dirty mind.
Two, you didn't read your homework.
And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."

When Jesus died and went up to Heaven, the first thing he did was to look for his father, as he has never met the man before and was curious as to what he looked like. He looked high and low but could not find him.

He asked St. Peter "Where is my father?" But St. Peter said he didn't know. He asked the archangel Gabriel, "Where is my father?" But Gabriel didn't know. He asked John the Baptist, "Where is my father?" But John did not know.

So he wandered Heaven, impatiently searching for years. One day, he saw out of the mist an old man coming toward him. The man was very old, with white hair, stooped over a little. Jesus yelled, "Who are you?" The old man said,"Oh, please help me, I am an old man in search of my son."

Jesus was very curious. Could this be his father? Jesus said, "Tell me of your son, old man." The old man said, "Oh, you would know him if you saw him. Holes in his hand where the nails used to be, he was nailed to a cross, you know..." Jesus screams, "Father!!" The old man yelled, "Pinocchio!!"

That's it for today, my little fireflies. Remember, always be an optimist.....at least until they start moving animals in pairs to Cape Canaveral. I'm thinking AREA 51 would be a great place to hang out tonight. More on Friday.

My Brother Kirt, Dog Beanie And Myself

Band Practice back in the day

About AREA 51

AREA 51 began as a location in a local watering hole where my friends and I would always sit. Soon thereafter, people began stopping by and asking me why the area was always full and so popular. I would tell them that we were the descendants of the UFO crash at Roswell, New Mexico and that we always sat together. My friends then had an AREA 51 sign made and placed it over the barstool where I always sat. Since that day years ago, there was always anAREA 51.

It has since been transformed to described my current watering hole. Since joining AOL Journals in December of 2006, I began adding honorary members to theAREA 51 menagerie.AREA 51 is a state of mind and not always a location. The majority of the members have escaped from a home and are constantly looking over their shoulders. They are intelligent, fun loving and enjoy life to its fullest.