Boy Needs Mental Help

ANN LANDERS Syndicated Columnist

Dear Ann Landers: We are parents of a 16-year-old rebellious son and are at our wits' end.

"Cary" has been kicked out of school for repeated truancy. He sleeps most of the day and stays up nearly all night. He smokes pot as well as cigarettes and drinks beer and alcohol.

We've tried tough love, counseling, sheriff assistance and school authorities. Two years ago, we checked Cary into a psychiatric hospital because of his suicidal tendencies. He was released after six days with a diagnosis of depression. The boy is verbally abusive, and when angry, he hits walls and furniture. We have replaced several broken windows, only to have him break them again. Doors are torn off the hinges, and there are holes in our walls.

We cannot have Cary arrested for damaging our house and property because he is a minor and we are responsible for him until he turns 18. We can't throw him out, so there's no point in giving him ultimatums. He knows he has us over a barrel, and it's maddening. Please give us some guidance. - Parents of an Out-of-Control Son in Calif.

Dear Parents: You say your son is a "rebellious 16-year-old."It is obvious to me that he is more than rebellious. He is mentally ill.

It is imperative that you get this boy into intensive therapy and inquire about hospitalization. He sounds as if he could be dangerous to himself and others. It's difficult to understand why no one has considered ongoing professional help when the boy is so violent that he is breaking windows and knocking holes in the wall. Get moving, for his sake as well as the safety of others.

Dear Ann Landers: I am heartbroken and feel very much alone.

I'm a 35-year-old mother and wife with very little social life. My neighbor, a friend of more than five years, told me yesterday she no longer wants her children around me because I swear so much. Truthfully, I never gave my bad language much thought, but I'm sure she is right. I have vowed to clean up my mouth in the hope that she will give me another chance.

I have very few friends and must face the fact that my mouth could be the reason. How do I get my neighbor to give me another chance? - "Cinderella" in Pa.

Dear Cinderella: Show your friend this letter, and tell her you wrote it. Good luck.