I just love it when some adoptive mom gets all riled up and decides to comment on a three-year old post. I guess they have to let the meanie moms like me know how wrong and bitter I am. Boo freaking hooooo. I don’t need anymore lectures on how saintly adoptive parents are as they rush around the world rescuing all the little children. Do you really not get how that sounds?

Is it really that hard to look at the date at the top of the post? Maybe even look around the blog to see if it’s still active? Oh well, thanks for reminding me to turn off my email notifications. You are at least useful for that

I have become stuck. I hide behind my mask. I have become so accustomed to hiding that I am stuck in that role. I can’t write. I can’t talk. I can’t reach out. I try to from time to time but I freeze and go right back to the role I have invented for myself.

There is so much inside of me. So much that fights to get out. So many words I can’t quite formulate. My story. The story of my daughter. How I became this thing adoption made me. The truth. I try but it sticks in my throat.

So dear readers I leave you with a song for now.

I have burned my tomorrow
And I stand inside today
At the edge of the future
And my dreams all fade away

I have burned my tomorrow
And I stand inside today
At the edge of the future
And my dreams all fade away

And burn my shadow away
And burn my shadow away

Fate’s my destroyer
I was ambushed by the light
And you judged me once for falling
This wounded heart arrives

And burn my shadow away
And burn my shadow away

When I see the light
True love forever
When I see the light
True love forever
When I see the light
True love forever
When I see the light
True love forever
Burn my shadow
When I see the light
True love forever
When I see the light
True love forever
Oh burn my shadow
When I see the light
True love forever
Away

I got an update today. I wasn’t expecting one. I never really expect one. They are so few and far between. They just send them when they feel like it so I never know when it might be. There it was like a slap in the face. My heart instantly started pounding. I knew I should wait until everyone was asleep to open it but I didn’t. I should have.

It was filled with the typical things. Tiny crumbs of my daughter’s life. Then I read the line that ripped my heart out. She lost her first tooth. Her first tooth and I wasn’t there. I will never be there for anything. I missed it. I will miss everything. Every important moment in her life will just be a line in an email to me.

I can’t breathe. It hurts so deep my soul is screaming. I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be this anymore. Yet I have to smile so my 2-year-old won’t realize there is something very very wrong with Mommy.

This is the face of adoption. The total destruction of a mother. Oh so beautiful

I was recently contacted by a father trying to stop his daughter from being adopted. He has asked for any advice and help he can get. Please help him if you can. Even just getting his story out is a great help.

My name is Keary Watson and I am the proud birth father of a beautiful baby girl named Elizabeth Renee Watson. She was born on August 11th 2010. I want to start out by thanking you for taking the time to visit this site and taking the time to hear my story. I love my daughter dearly and will do everything in my power to have her home with me where she belongs.

My daughter Elizabeth has recently been placed with a family for adoption without my knowledge or consent. Her mother, Rebecca Prestwich made the terrible decision to “sell” my daughter to a family within the LDS church in the state of Utah without my knowledge or consent. Rebecca has signed away her parental rights and placed Elizabeth with an adoptive family. She did this AFTER Elizabeth was two months old. As Elizabeth’s father I cannot comprehend how Rebecca could make the choice to sell our beautiful daughter away to strangers. These actions sadden my heart. I have always made Rebecca aware that I am her father and will always take care of my child. I cannot understand why she would have chosen this option but sadly she has. I pray that Rebecca can live with the decisions that she has made and I seek comfort in knowing that I will correct the bad choice Rebecca has made and will never give up trying to do so.

It appears as though I have a bigger battle ahead of me to get Elizabeth back home than I ever imagined. Over the last two weeks I have been made aware of A LOT of other cases similar to mine. This is prevalent throughout the US with many birth mothers doing this in the state of Utah because of laws that exclude birth fathers. I am fighting for my legal rights as her biological father to get my daughter back. I did not give up my daughter for adoption. I would NEVER give my daughter up for adoption. I am her natural father and I am her recognized legal father on her birth certificate. I have been a part of my daughter’s life since the moment of conception and have continued to be her father in the fight to get her back home with me where she belongs.

Please help me to spread the word and what I am fighting for. From reading other cases it is people like you who are helping make a difference. Again, I would like to thank you in advance for any help you give. Words cannot express my gratitude.

I am requesting donations to cover legal expenses, travel and accommodations in Utah where my daughter is being kept. Please visit the link if you can help.

I would also like to ask everyone to take the time to write the Utah Attorney Generals office and the US Department of Justice about my case. The more people start talking about baby brokering/human trafficking by people abusing Utah laws – the more the authorities are going to look into it.

A friend sent me this link and I was pleasantly shocked by the blog post. Its so rare for someone not connected to adoption to see the side of the mothers. Its even more rare for someone to speak out about it.

To all the fathers that are forgotten on this day. The fathers that long for information on their children. The fathers that wait to reunite. The fathers that never knew a child even existed. The fathers that miss their children with their whole soul. The fathers that have never heard these words before……..

Not many people are talking about the lack of support natural mothers recieve from the feminism and human rights community at large. I have often pondered why this is. I think Rox nailed it on the head in her post

I was reminded this morning of an email exchange in my recent past about Utah. I asserted that it was common knowledge in the adoption community that if you wanted to get around a father’s rights you go to Utah to file for adoption. I was told I had no clue what I was talking about and that Utah is not the hot spot for adopting kids whose father’s want to parent. I decided it was not worth the time and effort to continue with the email exchange and have not spoken with this person again. If I could talk to them right now all I would say is …… Oh Really?

And this doesn’t even touch on the things done to mothers who set foot in Utah. Let’s not forget the Baby Tamia case. How many father’s were not emotionally or financially able to fight. This has to stop! The state of Utah does not get to decide for the rest of the country who does and does not deserve to be a parent. This is plain and simple kidnapping

I have come to a conclusion. The adoption industry is going to win. I am very sad saying that. It hurts to even type it. The words make me angry and scared on a deep level but I think if things continue the way they are it is true.

You know why they will win? Because we are all to busy separating ourselves and fighting. The industry loves to watch it. It means they have accomplished their goal. BSE moms fight with the Open Era moms. Adoptees fight with moms. Moms in one country fight with moms in another country. Adoptees that are anti adoption fight with adoptees that aren’t. We separate urselves into these small groups instead of just being moms or just being adoptees. Instead fo supporting each other and fighting a great evil in this world we turn our backs on each other due to location or age.

Really people, keep it up. You might as well be working at an adoption agency. When you are done with this why don’t you make up a list of vulnerable pregnant women that are easy prey and hand deliver it. You might as well. You are helping the agencies anyway. Every minute we spend drawing imaginary lines in the sand is minute we could have prevented a needless separation of mother and child, supported a father fighting for his child, changed a law, or helped a desperate mother or adoptee realize they are not alone. You guys just keep it up.

I am going to try something different. I will support any adoptee, mom or pregnant woman tat comes my way. I will help them in any way possible. I don’t care if they were born in the 40’s or yesterday. I don’t care if they are anti adoption or not.(as long as they aren’t trying to make me change my mind on my views on the subject) I don’t care if they live next door to me or in Antarctica. I will help them any way I can. I will fight the industry without sacrificing the actual people I meet along the way. I will not reinjure injured people to get something accomplished. I will not become what I hate