One day a couple decades ago I was at work in an office where the cubicles have their backs to each other, about 8 of them 4 on each side. Mine wasn't in that row, however.

So I'm standing there listening to someone tell me a story when I felt like I had to fart. I couldn't cut this person off and I couldn't hold it. It was one of those silent but deadly ones, which I couldn't predict. As soon as this person shut up I had to walk down the entire row of cubes to get back to my desk and was hoping I could make it. Nope.

So I get back to my desk and I start hearing my co-workers saying stuff like "It wasn't me" and "Turn the fan on, it's coming this way." I couldn't stop laughing. Later on, someone walked by me and gives me a really dirty look, they figured out it was me.

I did what any idiot would do in that situation. I stood at the end of the row of cubicles and apologized with a totally straight face. Some smart ass said "You might want to see a doctor for that." I just cracked up.

Believe it or not, it was a true ad in Craigslist. I read it online at work and almost blew coffee out of my nose. The OP of that ad is from Missoula, Montana. I think it was written sometime in April of this year.

Believe it or not, it was a true ad in Craigslist. I read it online at work and almost blew coffee out of my nose. The OP of that ad is from Missoula, Montana. I think it was written sometime in April of this year.

Quoting: Anonymous Coward 698219

And it's a classic for the ages...

So, go now, good GLPers, and henceforth & evermoredo (doo doo...snort, snort) spread this tale of "she who poopeth in the car."

and here's another story......Snopes calls it false, probably, but the story was told on Jay Leno's Tonight Show

the story I heard was that the couple got married, but who knows....funny story whether it's made up or not:

We have all had bad dates.. but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter... snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere!

Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.

It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!" He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.

She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize, hands down... or perhaps that should be "pants down." .And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment . "This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off

and here's another story......Snopes calls it false, probably, but the story was told on Jay Leno's Tonight Show <snip>As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize, hands down... or perhaps that should be "pants down." .And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment . "This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off

She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

That would be even more zany if a grizzly bear had mauled them both and killed them.

I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle’s lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don’t think anyone wins 100% of the time. That’s why they call it “gambling”. I’m the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better…like when you’re not sitting on a heated leather seat…

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call, Tad

P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché…

***Got this in an email...don't know the validity of it but funny as hell....

Quoting: Richard Strong

....................................................​... you are worth forgeting .. you are crass and dumb. everyone has had an occasion stomach vius that suddendly caused loose bowels hidden in occasional gassy stomach or vague unusual intestinal cramps ... since no reply came to you from her, it is ovious that she is not interested.. so your crass unsensitive remarks and may even still be insulting to her ...... go crawl under your rock, moron. What educated adult still uses the "poop" word and "pee" word any way . kids use that when they are little, but older kids even say "excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom" .that says intentions . So why dont you grow up . and use adult language .. poop and pee words trashy people's words . were you raised by a unwed teen .from a welfare home.

She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

That would be even more zany if a grizzly bear had mauled them both and killed them.

Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39851

LOL...imagine how they would be giggling and suddenly a huge bear roars and their faces would be contorted into stark terror in an instant.

and here's another story......Snopes calls it false, probably, but the story was told on Jay Leno's Tonight Show

the story I heard was that the couple got married, but who knows....funny story whether it's made up or not:

We have all had bad dates.. but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter... snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere!

Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.

It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!" He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.

She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize, hands down... or perhaps that should be "pants down." .And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment . "This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off

Quoting: OneAngryMom

great read to lighten the heart!

"The earth is mother of us all, for she is just; but you, because you are unjust have pretended that she is your mother alone; and if you do not stop, I will not permit you to remain upon her."

She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

That would be even more zany if a grizzly bear had mauled them both and killed them.

LOL...imagine how they would be giggling and suddenly a huge bear roars and their faces would be contorted into stark terror in an instant.

I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle’s lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don’t think anyone wins 100% of the time. That’s why they call it “gambling”. I’m the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better…like when you’re not sitting on a heated leather seat…

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call, Tad

P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché…

***Got this in an email...don't know the validity of it but funny as hell........................................................... you are worth forgeting .. you are crass and dumb. everyone has had an occasion stomach vius that suddendly caused loose bowels hidden in occasional gassy stomach or vague unusual intestinal cramps ... since no reply came to you from her, it is ovious that she is not interested.. so your crass unsensitive remarks and may even still be insulting to her ...... go crawl under your rock, moron. What educated adult still uses the "poop" word and "pee" word any way . kids use that when they are little, but older kids even say "excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom" .that says intentions . So why dont you grow up . and use adult language .. poop and pee words trashy people's words . were you raised by a unwed teen .from a welfare home.