ASK DR. SCHUND

Dr. Schund, what is the real hazard of the Ozone Hole plus the
Greenhouse Effect?

Federal coprophiles scavenging their polity's wallets would have
us believe that exponential self-immolation of our planet is
wrought by driving down to Mickey D's but can be cured with a
Carbon Tax on Everything. As Gaia edges into malignant
hyperthermia (dantrolene, anyone?) the thermal gradient between
the Equator and the Poles theoretically increases, precipitating
colder global temperatures via forced convection as the Earth
warms. While the Third World slashes and burns, while the Arabs
light the desert with megatons of flared methane annually, it is
your breath of life that murders Leftist political agendas.

Federal saprophytes pandering lobbyists' pecuniary benevolence
would have us believe that searing vacuum ultraviolet radiation
will sterilize the Earth every time we take a beer from a
refrigerator. As Gaia edges into the Tanning Booth of the Gods
all life will be molecularly discombobulated rendering the Earth
sterile and incapable of enhancing revenue. (Third World
brewskis are natural and blessed among all things, so they may
own Freon-powered refrigerators without guilt, shame, or New
World Order political repercussion).

Dr. Abfallig Matsch Schund is rumored held incommunicado within
Federal confinement after leaking Argonne National Laboratories'
TOP SECRET/Lotus Eater data. They detail global silicate erosion
caused by synergistic fusion of UV and IR irradiation (Ozone Hole
plus Greenhouse Effect). Automobile windshield pitting is
extreme evidence of facilitated planetary silicate catastrophic
breakdown. The Tibetan Plateau is evaporating into a lowland
sump. The whole of the First World - concrete highways to
picture windows - is threatened.

"Summary: More than 400 million windshields on US cars purchased
post-1970 show tens of thousands of etch pits each - more than
five trillion data points! This undeniable and utterly shocking
disintegration of refractory silicate is accelerating. It is
congruent with contrived theoretical projections of the Greenhouse
Effect plus the Ozone Hole (two-photon+phonon Umklapp dispersion of
atomic orbital overlap by inelastic momentum transfer). Massive
public hysteria is projected if the extent and magnitude of this
growing disaster are disclosed."

LOOK AT YOUR WINDSHIELD! Is it pitted? Of course it
is. QED.

Is there corroborating global village validation of this conspicuous
evaporation of every rock, sidewalk, and stanchion? Look to the
physical remains of the Soviet sphere of influence, that great
midden of dialectical materialism hacking Gaia into pollution and
hazardous waste without creating profit. Every poured stone
monolith, the whole of grey concrete Socialism, is crumbling back
into sand and dust. The highest point on the United States'
northeastern seaboard is a landfill on Staten Island. Europe
whines about snowlines receding from its mountains, about lush
grass and trees making inroads into glacial devastation. It
never dares admit the mountains are quantum electrodynamically
scorching away to no longer poke into the frigid stratosphere.
Adiabatic lapse rates do not tell fibs.

More personal and visible calamities exist. Micromastic women
rendered buxom, desirable, and gorgeous by silicone breast
implants entertained perserverative fetishistic display of their
goodies on beaches, in the sun. They suffered formidable
ultraviolet plus infrared irradiation. Umklapp! The silicone
stewed into molecularly degraded putrescent ooze and the fun
began. Federal black operatives fomented one of the largest most
expensive coverup operations in American history. Evidence of
flourishing global ruin was literally cut from the chests of
nearly a million women. "It's a health thing."

One supposes the Grand Tetons are doubly damned.

The Earth grows warmer and greener as pesky Eskimos find
themselves without an ice floe to dispose of their mothers-in-law.
Spring comes sooner, Fall comes later, and Terran farm
yields are skyrocketing. You can get a decent tan without
wasting weeks laying around mostly naked. Solar collectors are
performing like champs. Everything an Enviro-whiner could
desire from the destruction of cities' physical fabric to their
replacement by Bambi, Thumper, and the Tooth Fairy are rolling
along like a civil engineer's black water down a 1-in-14 grade.
It may be goodbye to Mt. Everest, but is that such a bad thing
given outrageous Tibetan tourist fees? Let them learn humility.

The return of Eden will be greeted with the gnashing of political
teeth and a Carbon Tax on Everything. Your crappy refrigerator
will leak corrosive and tumorigenic hydrochlorofluorocarbon
refrigerants. You will be exhorted and harangued and it is a
bloody shame that hemp is persecuted by the War on Drugs. If you
stretch a politician's neck with polypropylene rope, it (the rope)
tends to stretch and bounce, ripping off the head. Sacrifices,
sacrifices, mankind's making sacrifices.