Debate continued: what school to send you to

August 6, 2012

Dear Max

I’m pretty decisive when it comes to most things, but I’m battling once again with the choice of school for you. I remember getting my placenta knickers in a knot about it even when I was pregnant with you. I also wrote about our dilemmas on this blog here.

So a few months ago your dad and I decided on a new school for you. It ticks most of the boxes for us:

close’ish to home

affordable

Jewish

good school

On the downside, I’m not entirely happy or confident with:

the main type of parent at the school

the insular nature of the school

the fact that I don’t really “connect”

You’ll notice that some of the downsides are in fact related to me and who I am, and my own fears of fitting in. But also I’m scared you’ll get lost in such a big school. Already you’re a bit of a loner and not too social, and are happiest drumming your own beat. And that’s okay, and you’re a confident dude. But I worry that you’ll get forgotten, or won’t be nurtured enough because you’re not a group-type person.

And I know of a wonderful school where not only do I feel comfortable with some of the parents I’ve met, but I know it’s warm, nurturing and homely. Your aunty Maya went there so I know how fantastic it is (note to readers: Max has an aunt who is a mere five years older than he is!)

And I’m not worried about letting you go into this environment, nor do I worry that after a week at school you’ll be asking for an XBox, Wii and Playstation because all your friends have them. It’s a little bit more diverse, it’s smaller and it’s Jewish. But it’s a bit of a schlepp, as they say, from home. And with two working parents and not much of a support structure, we’re screwed’ish.

We could get you there and back, but it would mean arranging things carefully, inconveniencing our work lives, and maybe even having to hire an au pair for lifts, which is something that we might have to do even if you go to school A.

At this point I want to opt for school B, and deal with the logistics later. But I’m practical, maybe to my detriment. But we’ll see. Probably after a few more deep sighs, planning, to’ing and fro’ing, and blog posts.

Tanya, go with your gut on this! You are going to spend a lot of time interacting with those parents in the early years and you also need to feel comfortable in that environment. If an au pair is on the cards either way, then choose the school that makes you feel warm inside, not the practical choice! I am sure Max will find his own way in either environment, but you’re going to be a happier, saner mommy if you have trust and faith in the place you drop him off every morning.

My kid goes to school with arsehole parents – it’s my worst as we are forced to socialise – trust me! Get him into a school you feel as comfortable in as he will – he will take his lead from you and you will all make friends together. It will work out lifts wise etc – it always does.