Paola Boivin, The Arizona Republic and azcentral.com, covering the Suns, Cardinals, Diamondbacks, Coyotes, ASU and UA. Despite popular opinion, I don't belong in the kitchen -- ask my cat, whose tail I once set ablaze while cooking scrambled eggs -- nor do I indulge in mind-altering narcoticsÂ ("Were you on crack when you wrote that, Boivin?") I once received a threatening letter from someone claiming to be Richard Simmons' publicist, and nearly 20 years ago, I gave my phone number to a little known comedian in a Minnesota comedy club.Â Tom Arnold never called but a few months later I read in the newspaper that he was engaged to Roseanne Barr. Ouch.

Bikinis! S.I.! Now that I have your attention …

I have long had a complicated relationship with â€śSports Illustrated.â€ť

For years, it was at the forefront of terrific in-depth reporting and writing, like the 2009 story by Pablo S. Torre that revealed a staggering amount of professional athletes are bankrupt or under financial stress shortly after retirement.

And then every year S.I. has to spoil it with its absurd swimsuit issue, which hit newsstands this week.

What the Web site, BeautyRedefined.net thinks we should do with Sports Illustrated swimsuit covers.

If eye rolls were audible, I just heard a bunch.

As I duck for cover, allow me to clarify: The women are beautiful, the swimsuits lovely, the digital manipulation fantastic.

Itâ€™s the forum that drives me crazy. The appearance of female athletes on the magazineâ€™s cover remains disturbingly small.

What is the message for your soccer-playing or basketball-loving young daughter? If you want to appear on the cover of the nationâ€™s best-known sports magazine, you have to strip down for it.

A study out of the University of Louisville showed that during a recent 11-year period, women appeared on just 4.9 percent of covers. Additionally, â€śwomenâ€™s participation in sport was often minimized by sharing covers with male counterparts, featuring anonymous women not related directly to sports participation, sexually objectifying female athletes, and promoting women in more socially acceptable gender-neutral or feminine sports.â€ť

Donâ€™t get me started on its treatment of female African-American athletes.

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