Friday, March 15, 2013

Mummy's Curse in Lenzerheide

A Boston Blickbild Exclusive

After a season in which very few races were cancelled, the first four races of World Cup Finals in Lenzerheide had to be cancelled due to bad weather. Unlike mid-season races, cancelled final races cannot be made up. It seemed like Mother Nature was conspiring against the racers, especially those who had a mathematical chance of winning a small globe. But as the Blickbild's intrepid research team found out, Mother Nature was not the only force affecting the weather. An ancient mummy's curse was also at work in Lenzerheide. Here to talk about this curse is the German Ski Federation's (DSV) witch doctor, Dr. Mabongo.

BB: Dr. Mabongo, bad weather is a part of ski racing. Isn't the weather in Lenzerheide just normal bad late winter weather?

Dr. Mabongo: No. The timing was too coincidental to be ordinary bad weather. Lenzerheide's weather the past two days was from a mummy's curse. The same curse was also responsible for the weather in 2011, which forced four final races to be cancelled.

BB: One usually associates curses with ancient Egyptian mummies. For example, the people who discovered King Tut's tomb were cursed by his mummy. Our intrepid research team found out that there are very few Egyptian mummies in the Swiss Alps.

Dr. Mabongo: That is true. But there are mummies like Oetzi the Iceman all over the Alps. There are even mummies in some of the museums in the Lenzerheide area. My colleagues and I think that the curse was from a mummy like Oetzi.

BB: Your colleagues?

Dr. Mabongo: Germany is not the only team with its own witch doctor. Italy and France also have a team witch doctor. In fact, the French and Italian witch doctors come from villages in the Congo close to mine. We actually knew each other before being hired by our respective ski teams.

BB: I see. Before 2011 Lenzerheide was quite a reliable venue for World Cup finals. But since 2011 bad weather has plagued the finals. What happened in 2011 to set off a mummy's curse?

Dr. Mabongo: The US ski team decided to visit one of the local museums which had a mummy. One of the skiers got overly curious and thought it would be funny to try and open the case where the mummy was lying. She was not successful, though she managed to steal a mummy key ring from the museum gift shop. The next day the women's Super-G race had to be cancelled because of bad weather. The weather continued to wreak havoc with the finals. The final giant slalom races were also cancelled because of weather and snow conditions.

BB: Did anyone back in 2011 connect the theft of the mummy key ring to the weather?

Dr. Mabongo: No. There were some theories floating around about how the Germans conspired to control the weather so that Maria Riesch would win the overall globe. But it was really an American skier stealing a key ring which angered the museum's mummy. Sadly, nobody knew about the theft.

BB: And the current weather in Lenzerheide also stems from that stolen key ring?

Dr. Mabongo: That's right. There is an inscription inside the mummy's sarcophagus that says that anyone who disturbs the mummy or tries to steal anything of his will activate a curse that will bring doom to those who want to race in Lenzerheide.

BB: It doesn't seem like a mass-produced key ring with the mummy's likeness on it would qualify as something that actually belongs to him.

Dr. Mabongo: That is where you and most others are wrong. Anything that depicts the mummy is a part of him and therefore his property.

BB: That makes sense. If the skier who stole the key ring were to return it, would the curse be lifted?

Dr. Mabongo: It is possible. If the key ring were returned, there is a good possibility of the curse being lifted. But there is one problem. The skier who took the key ring is not in Lenzerheide.

BB: What if someone from the US ski team went into the museum gift shop and paid for the stolen key ring? Could that also lift the curse?

Dr. Mabongo: No. The stolen key ring must be returned. If the skier really wants it, she can pay for it and then the curse will be lifted.

BB: Was Austrian skier Klaus Kroell's injury also caused by the mummy's curse?

Dr. Mabongo: Yes. Even though it was an American who took the key ring, the curse affects anyone who races in Lenzerheide. The way that Klaus fell was very unusual because of the mummy's curse. Leadoff skier Gauthier de Tessieres also had a near miss when he went off-balance on one ski. The mummy was obviously angry and tried to get him to fall. But somehow he had protection because he ended up leading the race up until it was aborted. He was wearing special juju beads that the French team's witch doctor gave him. Maybe those beads were enough to prevent Gauthier from being injured.

BB: You are an expert in voodoo, magic, and the use of juju beads. Can't you and your colleagues use your witch doctor powers to lift the mummy's curse?

Dr. Mabongo: A mummy's curse is stronger than the powers of every witch doctor put together. I'm afraid that we cannot lift the mummy's curse and bring better weather to Lenzerheide. We can do our best to help heal those who are affected by the curse, but we don't have the power to lift it.

BB: So there will be poor weather for the rest of the World Cup finals?

Dr. Mabongo: That is a good possibility. Or if the weather clears, there could be more injuries.

BB: Oh dear! That doesn't bode well for the rest of the finals at all.

Dr. Mabongo: Wait a minute! I'm getting a strong vibration...the skier who stole the key ring is here in Lenzerheide after all. She was on a big boat earlier, but she decided to come for the final races.

BB: So the museum gift shop can get the key ring back and lift the mummy's curse?

Dr. Mabongo: Unfortunately she does not have the key ring anymore. Even if she did, she would be impossible to approach because she is surrounded by bodyguards. What is very weird is that she seems to be the only person in Lenzerheide who is happy about the bad weather and the race cancellations. While everyone else seems depressed about the situation here, she is smiling and having a good time even though she is on crutches.

BB: So you are saying that any future final races in Lenzerheide will be cursed?

Dr. Mabongo: Correct. The FIS really needs to find a different venue for its finals. If the FIS insists on holding World Cup finals in Lenzerheide, bad things will continue to happen because of the mummy's curse.

BB: How can the athletes and fans persuade the FIS to change the location for its World Cup finals without sounding insane?

Dr. Mabongo: Everyone will understand about an ancient mummy's curse. That is not insane at all. Insanity would be continuing to have the finals in a location that is cursed.

BB: That is true. Well Dr. Mabongo, I want to thank you for a very insightful interview. Nobody would ever have thought that the problems in Lenzerheide were caused by a mummy's curse. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview.

The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: We are not cursed by a mummy, we are simply insane.

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