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Monday, February 7, 2011

Monday, February 7, 2011

Once upon a time, a baker decided to ice a giant baby butt on a cake.

And so she did.

The rest of the bakers gathered round to congratulate her, and before long they'd all agreed: baby butts were surprisingly appetizing. Reeling from this rear realization, the bakers went on to change the face of baby shower cakes forever.

By turning it into a baby butt.

The cake butt phenomenon took off like projectile vomit from a colicky infant. It was everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Otherwise rational women dreamed of eating chocolate-filled diapers. Grandmothers sliced up legs with abandon. Little children screamed in glee at the sight of adorably draped half bodies served up on platters. ("Aw, look, she's sobbing with glee!")

After a while, the original bakers got together again to munch on fondant toes and discuss their next "big thing." The vote was unanimous: they needed much larger bodies of work.

Literally.

"If eating baby butt is sweet, then eating mom boobs will be AMAZING," the bakers exclaimed.

And so, they did.

Just about everyone loved the mom boob & belly combo, but there were a few complaints from the moms-to-be. Not that their cake effigies were being eaten, of course, but that their cake effigies weren't sexy enough.

Quickly the bakers arrived at a solution: the cantaloupes would be made much larger than the watermelon ("if you catch our drift"), and mom's cakey doppelgänger would be dressed in only the raciest of lingerie, the better to emphasize how she ended up in her present glowing condition.

And so it was.

And, once again, everyone was happy.

At this point the bakers fell into a deep depression. "We've done it all!" they moaned. "What more can we possibly achieve now that women are eating both baby butts *and* mom torsos?"

Which is when they realized: the only thing better than eating a mom torso or baby toes was eating them both together.

Quickly a new decree went out: push that lingerie aside! It's time to show off the baby inside the belly. And then EAT THEM BOTH. Haha!

Remember to keep that melon ratio, though.

At last, the bakers felt they had arrived at the pinnacle of baby shower cakedom. They would continue to fine-tune, of course: a cherry filling here, a plastic baby fished out with tongs there - but overall, their cannibalistic urges were sated. And all was well.

OH NO! Seriously the first words out of my mouth as I saw the last cake. You were illustrating your point perfectly, (the bad to worse progression of shower cakes) but I did NOT realize where you were taking me until it was too late! Amazing, (horribly, well done, terribly)amazing!

Wow... just when I thought I'd seen it all (though I really should know better than to say that on here)... Those cakes are all very wrong but that last one is every possible kind of wrong you could think of. *shudders*

I am 27 weeks pregnant and I can’t stop laughing! This is so disturbing yet I find myself hoping that one of the 3 baby showers I have coming up next month will produce a cakewrecks.com worthy cake! Is that wrong of me?

While it is disturbing to eat a pregnant lady torso regardless of clothes and little foot prints from the inside they combo ones are atleast well done and pretty. The gelatin abomination makes you wonder whos more at fault for the creepy factor the wreckerator or the person that ordered it!

Oh. My. Those others make that first baby-butt cake cute! Aaaaaaahhhhhh! [with glee]

What happened to the baby? Is that blood on the head? Is it dead like the frogs & brains kept in jars?

And why does the one cake say "Farewell"? All I have running thru my mind is Bugs Bunny saying "Bon voy-ah-gee, farewell to thee, goodbye, don't forget to write, well I'll be seein' ya". Of course I think the wreckerators have a different trip in mind. Eww.

That last one with the gelatin has traumatized me. I'll never be able to eat cake OR jello ever again. I'm afraid that there will be an alien baby inside. Oh, and thanks for making me snort Dr. Pepper out my nose. It smells rather nice, actually.

For the record, I just did my OB clinical rounds and watched two births... but to this point, I've never seen a transparent womb. (I really thought I was going to see a cake of a birth, and I was prepared to be grossed out far more than seeing it in person.)

Oh, and that first baby should see a doctor. Looks like he has some serious hip dysplasia.

Is it just me, or does that 4th photo kind of look like sort of abortion cake? It's saying FAREWELL to the baby. Even if they're talking about the baby leaving the womb, that doesn't really constitute a 'farewell', does it? Oh, maybe they're putting it up for adoption! Either way, abortions and adoptions don't really seem like cake-serving occasions.

omg...omg...omg...you need to WARN us pregnant ladies! I mean, the first few were funny, not anything we haven't laughed at before, but...the gelatin!!! To the lady doing my shower who I know reads this blog, NOOOOOOO!!!

I've been a stalker for years, but this is the first time I'm commenting - such a horror of nature I've never seen before. This is officially the most wreckiest cake you've ever scouted out for us. I salute you for your courage and determination to truly expose the wreckinators.

I think I'd rather see a baby cominging out of the Mom's "private parts" cake than that last one. What a thing to see as my daughter is currently 26 weeks preggo with my first grandbaby. Nightmares for everyone tonight!!!

I thought I was ready for today's presentation, having seen previous posts of baby butt cakes, fetus feet cakes, pregnant belly cakes, and more.But no.I can never unsee that last cake. It will be there, every time I close my eyes, for the rest of my life.

I'm so utterly horrified by the last cake, words have failed me. The only words I can croak out as I huddle under my desk, rocking back and forth while hitting my forehead on the wall is "Why . . . why . . . why . . . why . . . why . . ."

gelatin baby looked like a carrotless naked jockey, that is so disgusting...clear gelatin really looks like something grown in a petri dish ar least strawberry would be more realistic....can;t call it jell-o cause there's always room for jell-o but not like that.and for those of you who may need to erase that image from your mind i recommend a unicorn chaser (http://www.thinkgeek.com/stuff/41/unicorn-chaser.html)

I know I am in complete agreement with everyone else, that last cake was the stuff of sweat inducing nightmares! I am still shivering in shock after the mere picture of it, imagine the trauma of the poor guests who were at the party where that horror was revealed in person!!!!

I am less than 2 weeks from having a baby, and that gelatin baby cake is going to give me nightmares until this baby is out.What is wrong with people. I told the girls who were throwing my shower, not baby belly or Baby butt cakes....they creep me out!

Imagine getting a mommy belly skinned, the water would be clear (like the gelatin) and at 30-38 weeks the baby is white due to duvet and some "cream"....Anatomically correct floating baby in gelatin. Gross. Only missing is the placenta and cordon..which i hope no one will ever attempt to reproduce.

Did...people...actually eat that last cake?! Wouldn't they have seen it and ran in the other direction? I would have! Thanks Jen...I haven't seen a good horror movie in a while...now I will see one every night as I picture people digging in...*shudder* (but with glee).

The last cake is, by far, the most disgusting and disturbing cake I've seen on this website for the 3 years I've been following it. I'd rather eat the fungus-covered foot-cake than that one. Seriously! must.think.of.my.happy.place....

What is wrong with people??? I have learned not to drink coffee when I read your blog, because frankly coffee out the nose hurts. But now I'll have to remember not to be eating my lunch either. I just know I'm going to have nightmares about gelatinous mutants oozing out of stomachs.

"Farewell Baby Noh" cake - This whole cake just seems....wrong. Why farewell to the baby? Whatever the reason, why is there lingerie? Is this a sad cake? Also, that looks like the inside of a real thigh.

I did put my coffee down but as I went further down the line i didn't seem to have any problems with drinking it while I looked. So I took a sip and scrolled to the last picture. I choked on my coffee you told me to put down... The last one is absolutely terrifying.

The meatloaf baby wasn't technically a cake, as gross as it was. I put it as second in my book.

This is an actual CAKE. With Jell-O. And a gross gummy baby...er plastic? Thing. Was that baby even edible?

What's missing is bananas, marshmallows and strawberries.

"Everything in this room is eatable, even *I'm* eatable! But that is called "cannibalism," my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies." -Willy Wonka, Charlie & the Chocolate Factory

Note to self, DO NOT have a baby show and if you do, make the cake yourself! Usually CW has me laughing like an insane person. I am still in shock from the last cake. And I thought zombie movies were creepy, that takes the cake, so to speak.

Oh dear god... that last cake. My mind just refuses to accept that some living, breathing human being thought that the combination of a semi-revealed, teddy-clad female torso, clear jello, and a never-been-exposed-to-sunlight deep-cave-pigmentless-white baby was a sane idea. Especially given the presence of what looks disturbingly like *AN UMBILICAL CORD* suspended in the gelatin. I'm really hoping that's just really some odd reflection/clouding.

What in the world? That is seriously the worst thing ever! The cakes were weird and made me wonder why, but the last one? I uttered a involuntary "Ugh!" and I think my lips are still stuck in the eww position.

OMG!! I have not been astounded by a cake post on here in awhile, but that last cake is truly horrifying! I even showed my kids (ages 10 and 8) and they literally jumped back from the computer and screamed. WHAT were they thinking??

To be honest, until someone mentioned it, I didn't even notice that the "Farewell Baby Noh" cake had pieces cut out of the leg. I think I was staring (in glee!) at the writing and wondering if the stomach was supposed to be saying farewell to the baby in anticipation of its departure from the womb. (I don't know, maybe I'm giving the wreckorator too much credit here. One who would make a cake like that most likely isn't blessed with an overabundance of good sense or logic.)

Loo-E Loo-I: My daughter and I love that quote from CatCF! We use it whenever we can fit it into a conversation, and sometimes even when we can't. :-)

holy crap! i don't think i've ever actually screamed while viewing a wreck, but that last gelatin one really threw me! it was seriously one of the scariest things i have ever seen. i think my eyes almost popped out they were so wide with shock. what possesses people to make things like this?!?!?!?! gahh

I'm a laborist, and once, I swear to cake, the baby slid out of its mother while she was in the wheelchair on her way up to L&D. Without her water breaking. It looked pretty much exactly like that last cake: a baby in a fishbowl. Freaky.

I never realized how glad I would be that human bellies are not transparent. Yikes! I was really beginning to think those cakes were extremely unappetizing. And then the Jello! The good news is that I think I can now make it through the day without snacking.

Seriously, I think you need to send out a warning before hitting us with that last cake; I had children in the room! "What's that, mommy?" (Quickly Scrolling) "Nothing honey, look at this pretty flag cake!"

Loved your storyline for this post. I wondered why you were covering familiar territory-- then I saw that last cake.

Cake #2 is horribly lumpy, and I agree with @Jo about the chocolate-loaded butt.

Cake #3, 4 and 5 are as well done as that style can get, although that "Farewell Baby Noh" IS disconcerting. Unless it's for a young stripper who went by the stage name "Baby No" (but made a bit more subtle by spelling it "Noh") and now that she's pregnant she has to leave her job?

Do I dare ask what mohawk baby is made of? What the oozing white is around the gel base is? or what is happening to the dress in front? And most importantly... did the guests at that party eat that shudder-inducing cake?!

OMG ... they're bad. My baby shower cake was a plain white-iced cake with a cute little keepsake teddy bear ornament and some sugar-flowers on top. What the hell is wrong with these people that they feel the need to make these unbelievably disturbing cakes???

Also, that last one is like a trainwreck ... don't want to stare, but it's so horriffic you just can't look away. *shudder*

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A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

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