Behold, The Assholes. NSFW stories of a sex freak one week, a hopeless romantic the next.

I hate reliving this. Hate is an understatement. I’ve tried to forget about this 24 hours of my life so many times but its truly difficult. This guys name was Jake* I have known him for year, since I was 13 and he was 16. He used to date one of my best friends in […]

This is a really fun and spontaneous story on my behalf, i have no idea what was going through me mentally but more importantly sexually. I was on one of my ‘fuck it’ whims. This guy had got a hold of my snapchat via tinder. He started messaging me and when he sent me a […]

This story is conjured out of pure boredom and as you know when boredom and horniness strike in synchronization, Hello Tinder. I don’t know why my mind resorts to wanting to have mundane conversations with complete and total strangers aside from the fact that more than 50% of them are illiterate, ignorant, or immature, something […]

Bored and desperate for sex per usual i hop on tinder. Too be completely honest i don’t think it’s whole heartedly sex that I’m desperate for, i really actually genuinely enjoy meeting and connecting with new people, even if i end up fucking them, the conversation and feelings of everything being new are just as […]

I’ll keep this one short and sweet. Mainly because I’m trying very hard to block this out of my memory. As you recall, when i was living in Los Angeles I went out with a man from Seeking Arrangements, the one in Venice. Well, here I was, bored, alone, horny and broke. So what better […]

It was pretty hard to get back on the horse after almost falling off the cliff. I couldn’t type that with a straight face. Who the fuck am i kidding? It was as easier than ever. This is an epic fucking story. 1. because it happened during the time i was talking to SFB 2. […]

I don’t even want to give this Asshole the courtesy of a fake name so well call him SFB, shit for brains. The best part is that this blog is a huge part of the story. I’ll start by telling you the first interaction we had and everything I discovered about this doorknob of a […]

Now I’m back in Vancouver and have managed to secure my own apartment in a dream area, life is good. This story is funny, ironic, bizarre and random all in one, but, I’d like to keep it one short and sweet for my purpose and his. Mainly because we are still fucking and he’s famous. […]

Another Him..This Him was so fucking special. He changed me, for the better. He showed me that i could love and that someone could love me. Lets call him Dane* it’s fitting, because he was pretty fucking great. I’ll give you his back story before i tell you about how we met and the blissful […]

There were a bunch of other fucks between here and the guy i was talking about being exclusive with. I’ll get to that precious person in a moment. This post is going to be a combination of 2 stories, why? because I want to catch up and quick. First is Philly, I call him this […]

This guy is a huge tool. Definition of full of himself. He’s the type to go on rants about how girls post the dumbest shit on Instagram and then he’s also the type to go and like all of those posts that he just dissected like a douche. His name was Don* he was 26, […]

So after the fuck with Mr. Sugar Daddy I wasn’t fully satisfied, mostly because I was still trying to get the image of his O face and the shit that came out of his mouth in that exact moment in time out of my head. So the night i got home from the date in […]

So I’m skipping a bit ahead because i was a bad girl and it gets repetitive and boring. I have a lot of stories from LA, only telling the ones worth writing about. This one in particular is most definitely worth it. So now that i don’t fuck my roommate anymore i have to find […]

This is the second of 3 fuck ups. The third of which is my last story in LA… but i’ll get there… patience, its a virtue. So as i mentioned earlier Reed was his colleague which makes Jake* his best friend. Oh Jake. I wish i had more time with you. It was short but […]

So this is the first of the 3 fuck ups in regards to my new roommate and his friends/co workers. This story is about a very special man named Reed*. Fuck was Reed perfect. He was my dream fucking man. In every possible aspect. He was tall, handsome as fuck, incredible eyes, and perfect facial […]

Now that i had established the job i was still mad hunting for my own place. I had found a few to look at and to my surprise the rent down there was fucking whack so my only option was to go down the roommate route. I wasn’t mad about it,i didn’t know anyone anyways […]

Now that i had established the job i was still mad hunting for my own place. I had found a few to look at and to my surprise the rent down there was fucking whack so my only option was to go down the roommate route. I wasn’t mad about it,i didn’t know anyone anyways […]

I had been in LA now for about 2 weeks. I had managed to secure a good job that enabled me to use my background in school and do what I love while getting paid, art. I was still living with my Aunt and vigorously apartment searching. As i mentioned earlier my Aunt would frequent […]

Hello Hollywood. At this point I was sick of absolutely everything in my life. I felt stuck. And in my mind the only option when stuck is to pick up and move to another place, where you know no one and nothing. A Clean Slate if you will. So, that’s exactly what I did. March […]

This dude. HA. So this is a pass that dutch sort of situation. I had advised one of my friends to get out there and start fucking guys after a relationship fell through in her life. The first guy she met was Andrew* he was a 26-year-old rich kid who lived in his parents mansions […]

Fucking and punching. Literally. Never thought i’d see the day i get a shiner while a cock is stuffed in me but here we are… This guy, lets call him Carter* he was a fucking piece of work. Tatted, dressed like a fucking weirdo, acted like a weirdo and did a fuck ton of drugs. […]

This story sucks. I hate telling it. I hate thinking about it. It just fucking sucks and it was all out of my control. So one night I’m out with a few friends at some event, I’m pretty drunk and I’m outside having a smoke when i meet this guy, lets call him Marcus*. […]

This is an epic story. From start to finish. Let’s start with the proposal. Weeks prior to this event happening, one of my best friends who at the time was a virgin was sitting on my couch and she was looking at me as if she wanted to ask me something but she was nervous, […]

This was the last time I fucked Keith. I was out downtown that night with some girlfriends and when the night was over i ended up at his place because I was horny and wanted blow. Showed up at his place, we sat on the couch and fooled around a bit while watching some […]

Remember how I told you i wasn’t done with Keith, well here is story number two of three. So even after this I’m not finished. I fucked him two more times but it was never just us two. the first time I had a devils threesome with him was on halloween, i was dressed as […]

Phoenix and I fucked only twice. Once at mine, once at his. I’ve known him since we were 13 years old. Grew up in the same town and hung out with the same people but as you alreday know my life went out of place really quick really young and i lost touch with […]

This guy I’m about to introduce stayed in my life for a few months, but it was really only to feed my drug and sex addiction. he provided both.. for free. Although I oddly kind of enjoyed spending time with him. I met him through my best friend’s boyfriend (lets call him Keith*) Keith had […]

Met this guy about a week before I was going on my trip to LA. Pretty much the entire time I was there I spent most of my data texting this douchebag. I was flying home from Los Angeles that night, he offered to pick me up at the airport but for a first meet I […]

My last night in town, Thursday the premiere night of his new tv show he texts me saying he has to watch the show at the studio with his mum and sister who are in town from Texas (he does the cutest impression of his mum’s southern accent)… and then he’s coming to pick me […]

Back to the candy being taken away from the baby, let’s just say it wasn’t going to happen, this baby was on a sugar HIGH & she wasn’t coming down anytime soon. That night I had a dinner at a family friends house so i went, it was exactly how you’d expect any family friends […]

I find myself moseying around my mother’s apartment in search of things to do on the off times that I’m not heading out the door for interviews. As I lay in my mother’s bed on a scorching hot Thursday afternoon at around 4pm, I take to Tinder to see if the likes of any losers […]

I fucked around a bit more with some men who are not in the least bit memorable but learned early on that you can’t starve the kitty cat so as The Beatles once said, Let It Be. Anyways, summer ended and I was at a loss of what to do with my life. I had […]

When i got home from my sex infused end of the summer vacation, I was still in the mood to fuck around. I had found this inner confidence that came hand in hand with the ability to fuck countless men and not develop feelings for them, just for their cocks. It felt powerful and I fucking liked […]

I get upstairs to the apartment and realize I haven’t checked my phone in about 5 hours, I was too focused on His incredible tongue work, and the whole reality of my fucking reality. I had completely forgotten that I had made ‘maybe’ plans at a bar on La Cienega to meet Aaron*, the guy […]

Now that my dinner plans with him have been pushed to dessert plans…again, I figure I might as well go with my mum, brother and cousin to Soho House, check it out and then possibly head to his after. Were done dinner, so we head to the elevator. Just as the doors open I receive a […]

For the last few days of my 2014 Summer vaycay I decided to go to Palm Springs. Time to soak up the sun instead of some dick. Plus my poor pussy needed a break, and I have plans with HIM again the night before my flight so I better rest up, he tires me out […]

I get back to the apartment, drop my leftovers and purse on the counter and just as I do, bing! My phone beeps and I have a message. I reach into my bag assuming it’s him. it’s not. It Fred*. One of the guys from the other night who kept whispering in my ear that he […]

We get back to the bedroom, lay down and start making out. It’s so hot. I never do this. I never kiss someone for this long, or even while I’m fucking, its a rarity, it shouldn’t be but for me it is. With him, its such a turn on. I take my lips away from […]

Where were we, Oh yes. Im sitting on my favorite Author’s couch clenching every muscle in my pussy because I’ve never been so horny, I feel myself getting wetter by the second and physically the sexual tension between us is undeniable. We are both visibly ready to fuck one another but I was hesitant to […]

Prior to this trip, for 6 months i’ve been talking to the author of one of my favorite books. I started reading his novels in 2007. He is 17 years older than me. I love everything about that last sentence. When I finished his most recent novel, I took to Twitter to express my happiness […]

The moment I left my apartment building, I knew this time it was going to be different. I had already mentally prepared myself to let down all my walls. Just let it all go and embrace the meaning of the word experience. the word No was now long gone from my vocabulary. I was ready, […]

After slowing down a bit on my boner bender I went on a camping trip with a bunch of my close friends. It was a solid crew of girl’s and guy’s Joel* was there, Dan* was there and Brent* was there. Brent* is the one I fucked. Joel* is the one who set it up. […]

Tinder took over my life. After I made my first official physical encounter, that part of it was no longer a fear in my process. And my process was purely to fuck. Obviously not my intention to fuck Asshole after Asshole (not literally) but a few Nice Guy’s every now and again wouldn’t have killed […]

After I fucked Trey* I downloaded Tinder. Oh Tinder, the Mighty Tinder, My vagina wants to thank you but my head and my heart want to kill you. This was the start of me losing control of myself sexually. Not that I’m mad about that. I had been on tinder for a few months chatting […]

New years of that year (2014) and prior to that last fuck with Dan* after the camping trip, i fucked my first black guy. (High Fives Self) his name was Trey*. He was tatted and hipster-eque, tall and skinny with that Wiz Khalifa vibe. Deep voice to complete, it was hot, like rape fantasy hot. […]

God this is hard to write about, honestly just because I want to forget it all. I always do. He was the first person I think I loved. And I just recently admitted this to myself. But prior to this forced admission, we experienced a lot together, the good the bad and ugly type of […]

I forgot to mention a few sexcapades that totally escaped my mind in yesterday’s post. Before i left my hometown to move to some fucking white picket fence Valley town in Southern California, there were 2 specific stories that pertain to my overall appeal towards sex. The first was that 10th grade Father’s Day. I came up […]

I’ll keep this one short and sour. I’ve now entered a new private school in the city, 3 months into the 9th grade school year. There are about 50-60 people in each grade and the school is quite small. Let’s just say everyone knows everyone’s business. I spent the next two years of life here. […]

After the May 5th innocence flying out the window fiasco, i kind of lost myself in the throes of sex rather than the throes of relationships, passion, and all that other good stuff you see in the rom-com genre on Netflix. Sex and everything that leads up to it was what was important to me, and […]

I can’t particularly remember any overtly sexual experiences in my life prior to losing my virginity at age 12. And of course the every now and again self stimulation. Yes we all touch our selves, pick your jaw up off the desk and keep reading. I mean I do have images in my mind of […]