The Greatest Shave in the History of Shaves

Just think what some of the greats could have accomplished, if only they'd been properly groomed

Apr 15, 2011

Just think what some of the most famous bearded men of all time could have accomplished, if only they'd been properly groomed. Now, thanks to the magic of Photoshop, imagine doing better.By Nick Burns /// Photo Illustrations by Ben Running /// More from How to Shave Now

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King Tut: The Legend

For the Ancient Egyptians, a clean shave was a sign of class. They were pioneers of hair removal, using pieces of honed copper or bronze to shave off their whiskers. While Tutankhamun himself is often shown sporting a long, braided goatee, it's also said to have been fake. He did take power at the tender age of nine, after all.

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King Tut: The Shave

If you plan on having your likeness carved out of stone or gold anytime soon, it's best to avoid growing facial features that protrude from the face. Those are usually the first bits to break off when recreated in stone (see: Sphinx, The). Besides, facial hair was so "common" back then.
The Verdict: Don't ever grow that kind of beard.
Bonus Tip! You don't need to use honed copper or bronze to get a great shave. Instead, reach for a multi-blade razor like the Gillette Fusion Pro-Glide, which is made with five blades and features high-tech coatings to slice through whiskers with ease.

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Sophocles: The Legend

The "wooly" beard was pretty big in fourth-century B.C., or at least in Athens. Never since have men gone to such great lengths with curlers. Or tragedy, really.

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Sophocles: The Shave

It may make you look young — skinnier, even — but when you lose those kind of natural locks, well, street cred goes out the window. The long and curly whiskers can balance out sharp and angular facial features. And without them, Sophocles looks like someone who would write a story about a king sleeping with his own mother. Oh, wait.
The Verdict: Keep that beard.

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Jesus Christ: The Legend

Being the Son of God is not an easy role to play. How to get people to take you seriously at the young age of thirty-three? Easy: grow a beard, then perform a handful of miracles.

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Jesus Christ: The Shave

Growing long whiskers can emphazise the length of one's face, making it look even longer. Opt for a shorter style, and you'll bring your face back into two hemispheres of proportion. But choose a clean shave, and you'll look nice and tidy for the second coming.
The Verdict: Christ, just shave it.

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William Shakespeare: The Legend

"He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man."

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William Shakespeare: The Shave

If your face is round, a sharper style could balance out your features. But if you've got angles, things could get pretty gaunt — and menacing — pretty quickly.
The Verdict: Ask you barber.

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Abraham Lincoln: The Legend

The chin curtain might have lent him an air of strength while ending the Civil War and abolishing slavery, but what could Honest Abe have been hiding beneath that beard?

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Abraham Lincoln: The Shave

Can anyone say The Junior Congressman from Illinois? Leaving whiskers longer on the chin will provide the appearance of a stronger jaw — even if your chin is less than prominent.
The Verdict: Keep it long and strong.

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Karl Marx: The Legend

Now this was a beard that demanded attention. After all, when you seek to be accepted as a revolutionary, your head should appear as large as possible.

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Karl Marx: The Shave

Your facial hair and the hair on your head should strike a balance. And this... well this is just a Chia-Pet who can write.
The Verdict: Maybe some stubble.

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Grigori Rasputin: The Legend

Russian mystic, pyschic, faith healer, and all-around creepy looking guy, Rasputin was accused of all sorts of nefarious activities that, some say, led to the fall of the government. Where's clean-cut Paul Ryan when you need him?

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Grigori Rasputin: The Shave

Sometimes even the best of shaves can just make a guy look worse. Witness the decline from Rob Zombie scary to Marilyn Manson creepy herein. Rasputin's wide but weak chin, paired with his oversized eyes and nose, leaves his face looking wildly out of proportion. An equally unruly beard is the only thing that could make a (slight) improvement.
The Verdict: Let it grow.

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Dr. Albert Einstein: The Legend

All wise men know that a stroke of genius comes with a stroke of one's mustache.

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Dr. Albert Einstein: The Shave

Without the 'stache, Einstein looks more crazy grandfather than mad scientist. But then again, it's all relative. Instead of shaving under the nose, combat your rounded face with a more angular style.
The Verdict: Keep it bushy(ish).

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Col. Harland David Sanders: The Legend

Perhaps the only nice goatee in the history of goatees. Finger-lickin' good.

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Col. Harland David Sanders: The Shave

The salt-and-pepper think can make any man look more distinguished, but an all-white beard, goatee, or mustache will make you look just plain old. A nice shave instantly cuts out the gray to turn back the clock a few years. How's that for a secret recipe?
The Verdict: Down to the skin, y'all.

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Groucho Marx: The Legend

A pair of unruly eyebrows are no laughing matter. Okay, except when it's matched with an equally absurd mustache and wire-rimmed glasses. Groucho Marx's exaggerated facial hair became as iconic as the man's ever-present cigar and slapstick.

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Groucho Marx: The Shave

Trim that beast into a more respectable shape (i.e. one that doesn't resemble a rectangular Band-Aid), or shave it entirely. Because a mustache shouldn't overpower your nose and mouth. Well, unless you're Groucho Marx.
The Verdict: Leave your signature look.

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Ernest Hemingway: The Legend

A squared-off look that's full in the cheeks and shorter around the mouth — that'll give any man a stronger jaw line, and conceal the effects of his hard-partying ways.

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Ernest Hemingway: The Shave

This Hemingway looks like every pretty much other middle-aged bar fly — chest hair included. Leaving your beard longer on the cheeks and beneath the chin will fill out sunken cheeks, enhance the jaw line, and cover up that second chin (if you've got one).
The Verdict: Keep the beard, and have a drink.

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Allen Ginsberg: The Legend

The Beats had a fondness for scruff, and the granddaddy of them all sported a Howl-worthy specimen of epic proportion.

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Allen Ginsberg: The Shave

Being unkempt may have been a badge of honor back then, and a good shave might've caused Angel-headed hipsters to become angel-headed preppies, which just doesn't have the same ring to it.
The Verdict: Trim it but don't shave it.
Bonus Tip! If you're going to sport a long beard, wash, condition and comb it daily to keep the hair healthy and clean. Trim once a week to maintain shape — but avoid soups and foamy drinks.

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Che Guevara: The Legend

Every good revolution requires an equally revolutionary display of facial hair. For Che, a stylized cropped beard and beret became symbols. Mostly the beret, but still.

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Che Guevara: The Shave

A clean shave might have undermined Che's motorcycle-rebel style, but his patchy and unruly beard didn't do his mug justice. If you're going to remove a week's worth of growth or more, trim your beard down with hair clippers before reaching for your razor. Long whiskers will clog the razor blades and pull the hair before slicing it (read: not very comfortable unless you're that much of a rebel).
The Verdict: Shave it, mang.
Bonus Tip! If you have a patchy or less-than-full beard, limited research shows that applying Rogaine to your face might help. Just pick up the foam formula instead of the lotion to reduce your chances of skin irritation.

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John Shaft: The Legend

When you're fighting the mob in Harlem, well, you might need some equally badass facial hair to show you mean business. Shaft's mustache and sharp-edged, mutton-chop sideburns were about as intimidating as it got in the 70s. And that's saying something.

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John Shaft: The Shave

Um, yes.
The Verdict: Risk your neck for the shave of a lifetime.
Bonus Tip! If you're prone to in-grown hairs and razor bumps, always shave with the grain, and consider using a razor with fewer blades.

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Tom Selleck: The Legend

Perhaps the most legendary man with a mustache in recent history, Tom Selleck's classic chevron style became a sex symbol all its own.

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Tom Selleck: The Shave

Without the trademark mustache, Magnum is hardly recognizable. So, choose your facial-hair style wisely, becuase it can bring swagger or failure. The key to an iconic 'stache, of course, is to keep the rest of your mug clean-shaven and free of five o'clock shadow.
The Verdict: Are you serious?

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