Yoga Hosers (2016)

No Franks

By Jeffrey M. Anderson

Often, it's a good thing when a filmmaker makes something that they, themselves would like to see, but in this case, it might have been better if Kevin Smith had kept this odd little joke to himself. Smith's Yoga Hosers takes place in the same Canada that his previous Tusk was set in; the two "Colleens," who briefly appeared in that unsettling horror movie, are now the leads. Smith and Johnny Depp's real-life teen daughters actually seem to be best friends, and their chemistry is genuine. It's fun to hear them sing, but that's about as far as the fun goes.

In Yoga Hosers, Colleen C. (Lily-Rose Depp) and Colleen M. (Harley Quinn Smith) work as clerks at the "Eh-2-Zed" convenience store. They love their phones, singing in their band, and taking yoga classes from Yogi Bayer (Justin Long). They get big news when a cute senior (Austin Butler) invites them to a 12th-grade party, but unfortunately, they have to work that night, so they invite the boys to hang out at the store. That's when several tiny "Brazis" — little monsters shaped like hot-dogs — attack and kill the boys. The Colleens go to jail, but with the help of investigator Guy Lapointe (Johnny Depp), they discover the author of the plan: a long-dormant Nazi (Ralph Garman), who plans to wipe out all the world's haters and critics!

The whole movie feels like something that might have come from Troma Studios (The Toxic Avenger, etc.), but with less energy or playfulness. Instead, it's as if it were based entirely around a couple of feeble wordplay jokes that might have sounded funny at the time (and certainly not funny now). On the plus side, Smith does keep the jokes and gore down to a PG-13 level (it's not as vile as Tusk was) presumably so that the girls themselves (not quite 17 in real life) could enjoy the movie. They might be the only ones.