Terry Jones, the batshit crazy pastor of the obscure fifty-member Dove World Outreach Center (DWOC) in Gainesville, Florida, who threatened to burn copies of the Quran on the ninth anniversary of September 11 because he's opposed to the building of the "Ground Zero mosque" (he later called off the combustion), is more than just your everyday kook: The deranged reverend, who preaches to ministers in training and has compiled a lengthy manifest of rules (with lots of exclamation points!) to make sure they stay on the straight and crooked thinking narrow, won't allow his minions to eat at restaurants.

Seriously.

Apparently, sitting your ass down in a restaurant is a sin, and if the preacher's aspiring ministers disobey any of the standards, of which there are dozens in the center's cult-like, grammatically challenged "Academy Rulebook," the prickly reverend promises swift disciplinary action, like yellow marks! And red marks! And, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, a red mark can't be removed! "The rules are to be taken by heart and obeyed and God will open doors to fulfill the call that is upon their life!" writes the reverend. Acquire too many red marks and the student fails!

On the off chance that you eat in restaurants but are considering becoming a prospective DWOC minister, here are the "food" rules:

Food

Light and healthy diet is recommended.

Sweets, cake and things like that are not allowed.

No alcohol.

No eating out in restaurants.

The student's responsible for what he eats. There is no law about that.

Students will be put on the scale once a week to follow the tendency. Each student received his weight goal, that must be reached, otherwise this category is failed.

Let's see if I understand this correctly: There's no "law" about what a student eats, but there's a "law" about where he eats? I'm all for freedom of religion, but dictating where a person can go to get his grub on is beyond ludicrous. Thank God the good people of Gainesville agree: "This guy is obviously a publicity hound and a weirdo," Larry Wilcox told the New York Times while (gasp!) enjoying lunch at a local Panera restaurant.

Interestingly, there's no mention of drive-thru windows in the rulebook. How much do you want to bet that all those yearning minsters are shouting their bean burrito order into the speaker of a Taco Bell right about now?