Opinion

Dear Abby | Wife is edged out of man’s affections by her grandson

DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Doug,” and I have had a long and happy marriage. We’ve raised two children, both of whom are doing well in life. I have much to be thankful for, but I keep having to remind myself of that because I’m having trouble adjusting to my changing relationship with my husband.

We have a grandson. The boy has become the focus of my husband’s world. Because of that, Doug no longer wants to do things with me. He says he has too much to do or he is too tired to go out, so I go to social events by myself. In fact, I do everything by myself. If our grandson calls, though, Doug has all the energy in the world.

I try to interact with the two of them, but when I do, I feel like a third wheel. Doug no longer compliments me and is rarely interested in being intimate. I have worked hard to take good care of myself, and I try to look nice for him every day. He doesn’t notice.

I’m actually starting to resent my grandson — something I never thought would happen. Do I just carry on and hope things get better? If I should talk to Doug now, how do I do it without sounding petty and immature?

— MARRIED, BUT LONELY

DEAR M.B.L.: Something has gone wrong with your marriage. It appears your husband is using your grandson as a way to buffer himself from you. “Too tired” and “too busy” are excuses, not reasons. If discussing this with him doesn’t change things, then it’s time to talk to a marriage and family therapist — or a clergyperson, if you have one — about what has been going on.

Things To Do Newsletter

Want to know what's going on in Philly? Find out about upcoming concerts, shows, and other events with our weekly newsletter.

Things To Do Newsletter

** ** **

DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I were first married, he was in the Army, stationed in North Carolina. While we were there, his good friend and Army buddy “Mac” became a close friend of mine. There was an instant connection. I haven’t seen Mac since he got out. It has been nine years, but we remain in touch — texting, talking on the phone, playing video games together.

Abby, I believe I may be in love with him. It’s not something that happened overnight. This is something I have just come to realize. Do I remain friends and keep this secret or tell him I believe I love him? I am not sure how to handle this.

— BLURRED LINES IN TEXAS

DEAR BLURRED LINES: What do you think you have to gain by telling Mac you think you’re in love with him? If he says the feelings are mutual, do you plan on leaving your husband? For the sake of your marriage, stop texting, talking and gaming with this man and concentrate on your husband. If you keep playing with fire, your marriage may wind up in ashes.

** ** **

DEAR ABBY: My daughter’s third-generation, American-born fiance wants to wear a kilt to their wedding. (His late maternal grandmother was born in Scotland.) His parental ancestry claims French and Romanian roots. My daughter would prefer he wear a formal suit or tuxedo to their evening wedding ceremony and reception, which is in an upscale hotel for 100 guests. What to do?

— TO KILT OR NOT TO KILT

DEAR KILT: I’m glad you asked. Your daughter should lighten up, “allow” her fiance to wear whatever he wants to their wedding and respect his reasons for wanting to do so. Look at it this way: It will make for a memorable wedding.