`Once' Bitten

RELATIONSHIPS

The Divorced-and-dating Set Is Relating To Once And Again , A Tv Show That Addresses The Challenges They Face.

October 5, 1999|By Jim Abbott of The Sentinel Staff

In a television universe populated by the hormone-addled teenagers of Dawson's Creek, the angst-ridden college students of Felicity and the trendy twentysomethings of Friends, ABC's Once and Again is about two adults.

Who, so far, are acting like hormone-addled teenagers.

Making out in the backseat. Getting caught in a passionate interlude in the living room. Fumbling with condoms. Being intimate for the first time. Fretting incessantly about the timing of a phone call.

In the first two episodes of the show, which airs at 10 p.m. Tuesdays on WFTV-Channel 9, fortysomething single parents Lily (Sela Ward) and Rick (Billy Campbell) have exuded enough sexual chemistry to burn down the lab.

Because both characters are raising two children, they also help with homework, attend school functions, juggle job responsibilities and cope with adolescent insecurities.

Who has time for passion?

After only two weeks, viewers are making time for Once and Again, which rings true for single parents such as Kevin Rowlinson, 49, of Maitland. He is among those who say the show's knack for depicting the romantic challenges of post-divorce parenting and dating is uncanny.

``The guy was me,'' said Rowlinson, who, like Rick in Once and Again, had been dating a younger woman until he recently met an older single parent.

Rowlinson, an account executive at a technology services company, is raising two sons, 5 and 8. Following a two-year separation, Rowlinson was divorced in July after being married nine years.

In a similar way, Lily's fragile feelings are a touchstone for Cindy Stebbins, 46, a Maitland elementary school teacher who has a teenage daughter.

``She and I had been married the same amount of time,'' said Stebbins, who divorced six years ago after a 16-year marriage. ``In some ways, it's exactly the way I feel.

``You panic the first time you are going to go out. What message are you sending? You still have that old hurt. How can I have another man touch me, when the one I wanted in the first place divorced me?''

Such complex questions, along with the day-to-day logistics of maintaining a family and a social life, form the backbone of Once and Again, said Winnie Holzman, a writer and producer on the show.

That's why Rick and Lily were intimate in the second episode, Holzman said, rather than extending the sexual tension throughout the season, a la Moonlighting's David and Maddie (Bruce Willis, Cybill Shepherd) and other TV couples.

``It isn't about sex, even though that's part of the show,'' said Holzman, who created My So-Called Life, another critically acclaimed drama from Once and Again producers Edward Zwick and Marshall Herskovitz. ``It's about how you incorporate the people you have in your life. Can you bring them all together?''

Holzman points to the fact that the awkward, emotional love scene at the conclusion of last week's episode was unlike most sex portrayals on TV dramas. Both partners clearly were experiencing anxiety.

``It was pretty difficult,'' Holzman said. ``The pain and the sadness and the nervousness and terror that everyone was experiencing in that bed is what we are trying to explore. Falling in love with someone is hard. It's confusing.''

The show's first three episodes - including tonight's awkward family encounter at a school event - were written by Zwick and Herskovitz (thirtysomething), each of whom has been touched by divorce. Zwick's parents split when he was a teen, and Herskovitz became a divorced father several years ago.

``They work very closely together, and I think it's a matter of one of them is divorced and the other watched him go through it,'' Holzman said. ``But I think it's more that divorce touches all of our lives. We can't escape it.

``The man I'm married to, and expect to be married to for a long time, is divorced and has stepchildren. Chances are your life has been touched by divorce.''

It certainly touches the career of Martha Lisa, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Winter Park. Lisa is fascinated by Once and Again, although Lily and Rick are ignoring one of the main guidelines she offers to those exiting a marriage:

Wait.

``As a therapist, I really discourage people from dating the first year after a divorce,'' Lisa said, pointing out that Lily has only been separated for eight months. ``We need to grieve the end of a relationship even if we are the one who left.

``The focus needs to be on re-creating a new family system. The kids need to have a sense of security about the relationship with the nonresident parent before a new partner can be introduced.''

Rick and Lily's behavior might not be smart, but it's typical, Lisa said. The insecurity fostered by a failed relationship triggers a second adolescence that leads to those backseat make-out sessions and other impulsive acts.

``Our culture is lousy with grieving,'' Lisa said. ``You pick up a Cosmo magazine and it says the best way to heal is to get right back on track. That's absolutely the worst advice.''