Ruling with Fear or with Love?

What is really the definition of a man, is it simply being classified as a male? In some other context, perhaps in our Arab world, a man is also a name given to a gentleman, meaning, when someone is said to be a man the statement can refer to him being a gentleman. But mainly the question is whether the gentleman is a person that should be feared, or loved?

We come to face many situations in our lives. In most cases, those situations are more like testing our self-control than anything else. In political science for example, mainly the concept of trying to legalize what is legitimate and illegalize what is illegitimate is also known as common sense. In many countries around the world, perhaps all, we come to face situations that are really as far away from common sense as earth is from the sun. You try, for example, to explain to someone that you shouldn’t be penalized for someone else’s mistake and you get an answer such as “I’m sorry, there is nothing I can do, the law is stupid, but it also says that you would bear responsibility, it says here in the third paragraph of page 527!”

I’m sure each one of us has his own frustrating story, but the main issue here is what should a man do, how to react, and how to prevent the irritating feeling of innocence in the face of blame?

I met a guy the other day that approached me in such a way that I saw in his eyes he wanted to say a word or two. I did have few minutes at hand so all I did was ask him how he’s doing. I assumed that he wanted to talk about work, so I asked him immediately how’s work. He opened up immediately; saying that his boss treats him so badly, using abusing words and statements, and he cannot do anything about it because he needs to feed his kids. This is one very tough position to be in, but what was my advice?

First of all, all of you have to understand that if you have a good or bad employee, you should treat them with respect, especially given that you are at a more superior position and with power. Good treatment is their basic right, and abusing your power makes you first and foremost a disgrace to human beings. You have more in common with animals than with humans if you are one of those power abusers.

But what I told this person who feels emotionally defeated is not to let it go, and not to overreact as well. The majority of us almost always overreact once we choose to respond to an issue we face. Or, for better terms, we choose to answer rationally but once things heat up we loose total focus and control, which is normal although wrong. So what I told him is to do following, and I advice you all the same.

If this was the first time, let it go. Witness if the person makes repeated abuse or insults, and if so, while you get convinced that the situation is not getting any better, at this time, you need to speak up gently and calmly. It is always important to continuously remind yourself that you are a better person, and that a better reaction is always necessary, and to always prevent a downward spiral, when your reaction is a beginning of an altercation that doesn’t end up in a civilized manner. Your aim is to always be the more civilized, as if the whole world is watching you, where your clear intention is to reach a solution whereas both of you end up as friends.

The unfortunate matter that is always restricting is when one meets such a dilemma about doing the right thing that might cause him his life. I don’t want to be responsible for ruining families, but while pride does come at a cost, so does humiliation. We have to always remember that at some instances, we may need to be standing first in line, we may be the ones at the line of fire, trying to make it better and safer for those behind us.

For that, the definition of a man is one that thinks of others before he thinks of himself. The man always acts and never reacts unless he carefully chooses to do so. A man doesn’t allow environment around him to change him, he is the one that works hard to change the environment. A man doesn’t do what everyone does for the sake of joining them to do something that is never thought off, he does only the right thing, selflessly, and doesn’t allow both pride and humiliation to stand in the way of doing what is always right.

Your job doesn’t make you, it is you that makes the job. When people love you, they will work for you, for nothing in return.

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I just read your article and after working in the Middle East for the last 4 years I couldn’t agree more. Most people leave their home countries for a dream job or just the dream to be able to build something and help their families. It is not easy even though you can get a lot more money here than you would ever get in your country, you are missing everything else, family, friends and a lot of things you were used to and you can’t find here. You took them for granted and somehow you find yourself in a a completely different ‘world’. Concerts every month, theatre, cinema …
We have a lot of other things, but it is not easy to be away, so when your employer doesn’t treat you in a decent way it is even harder.
It was really nice to read your text and understand that there are still people who cares, people with a heart to judge what’s wrong or right.
Keep it up!