Sometimes you get to a weird place on the Google News Archives. Today is one of those days. I wanted to do an article about schools banning POGs, but instead we’re stuck with these really strange headlines about Pokemon. Accompany me on this journey, won’t you.

Noted in the article: “A week’s supply disappeared at some locations in a few days, resulting in long lines of disappointed parents, children and collectors, some of whom tried to buy hundreds of the items at a time, Burger King officials said.”

1.) Disappointment and Burger King go hand-in-hand, why is this article reporting it like news?

“When Cub Scout Pack No. 345 decided to bury a time capsule in December, each Scout had the chance to put in something he considered special from the past year. The objects included Pokemon cards, sports cards, homemade Christmas ornaments and Evan Miller’s toy car.”

This is a great little opinion piece from Jessica in fourth grade. I mean, if they made work like this, I’d show up more often.

“The teachers would make the kids be quieter and more cooperative with the bus driver. When we have rollerskating parties, I would like them to be five hours long and they would give out free things such as candy or Pokemon cards.”

“So far this year, Pokemon fakers have been arrested in at least four states. Customs officials have seized more than $20 million worth of counterfeit Pokemon goods in the last six months– about half of that trading cards.”

“However, like the wildly popular baseball cards that were red hot 10 years ago, this junk will also fade as a fad and you’ll be using them to light your fireplaces next winter. Pokemon is another sad example of the “dumbing down” of America”.

Sorry, I had to edit this article to make it a bit more accurate:

That is all.

Author: Linz Rewind
Linz is a freelance writer and editor who just so happens to be obsessed with E.T. for Atari. Try not to hold it against her.