Thursday, December 20, 2012

Well, not really. The rain is tap-tapping on my bedroom window, where I have retreated after coming home from work sick again. I thought I was well, but I guess I really wasn't, considering I came home and fell asleep in 2.6 seconds and slept for 2-1/2 hours straight.

I have this weird strep A skin infection in/on my nose, and it hurts, and it's brought home to me that I can be ridiculously vain at times. I mean, at least this time of year I can pretend I'm dressing up like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer or something but now it's peeling, so I look like I went on a secret ski trip and sunburned the end of my nose. How stupid.

In other news, I hate being away from work and not seeing patients and missing my co-workers and I hate feeling like I am dragging my butt around all day long because I'm So Tired, but I guess my body is saying - look, you have this nasty strep infection, so freaking lay down and rest already, OK? Which I'm not good at.

And I have been doing all my shopping online and I hope it all arrives in time for Christmas, but Lucy had 'the best birthday ever' for her 6th birthday, which was something, considering she wanted $6 Wegman's take-out meals for her birthday dinner, out of all the things she could have chosen, and it really was lovely and homey and fun (especially because I was sick and didn't want to go out!).

And well, the world is ending tomorrow and all, so maybe I'll miss out on my 40th birthday after all, since it's not till Sunday! But I wish it would hold off till Saturday so I can celebrate my 9th wedding anniversary with my amazing husband, who I would marry all over again in a heartbeat. This is a man who brought authentic Italian bread to my Italian-American heart patients just because he wanted to, and who I watched stop and help an elderly woman get settled into a wheelchair before he would go find our car today when we left the hospital, which by the way, he was at because I didn't bring food for the potluck and he brought some for me so I didn't look like a loser, and then he came back and drove to my car so I didn't have to take the shuttle so I could go home and sleep. Yes, I recognize that that was a long run-on sentence, but he deserves it. This is a man who modeled respect and love for his mother so tangibly, that my daughter won't date a guy that doesn't treat his mother with respect. Seriously, I love this guy.

And yes, since you asked, I am absolutely heartbroken about the killings in CT. I am with dying people every day of my job, and having almost lost my own daughter last year, I can only just barely imagine the tip of the iceberg of pain and rage and devastation and grief that these parents and families are feeling for their murdered children and family members. It is a huge tragedy. I am always grateful for my children and I can't imagine losing one to violence or any other intervening thing.

It's been a hard road to Christmas this year. I just got laid off today from my part-time job doing online community management, and my husband (and all of us) are missing his mom - this is our first Christmas without her since she died. But I feel a little thrill of hope and cheer when I see the tree - it was hard fought to get a tree in our house this year, but we did it and it's beautiful, and my gorgeous teenage daughters put it up while I took photos. I'm so grateful.

Oh, and I'm not sending out Christmas cards. Again. I know I suck, but you know I love you all anyway.

I'm preaching on Sunday - on my 40th birthday. Where else would I rather be than ministering to the church that has lifted me up, watched my back, and nurtured our spiritual lives, than preaching on such a milestone day? Nowhere, let me tell you.

So if I don't get back to the blog this week, Happy Solstice, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, etc. I am blessed by all of those whose lives intersect with mine, either through ministry, friendship, family ties, or random chance.