Not doing good with the lawI guess I�m at that age nowthat I can�t support my habitas easy.(she referred to her looks
going earlier)I can�t even do simple thingslike go see a probation officergo to courtand brush my hair.I can�t even do nothin.

�monkey on my back�

The recovery houses and stuff,it�s just bullshit.There needs to be more servicesand there�s not really much
for peoplethat are on methadone.There�s not really much resources.There�s like two houses+ a lot of people don�tif you want to be on methadoneyou have to give up the drugsbecause if you don�t give
up drugsmethadone�s worse.So now I�m on two things (coke
and meth)(last interview she mentioned
how much worsemeth is to kick than heroine
and coke�like a monkey on your
back�.

�jail�

. . . that�s where it
looks like it�s going to be for me

what do you think it wud
take for you to get better?

Well . . . jail (laughs)I really honestly believefor me it wud take like,something like that.But then you gotta want itbecause as soon as I get outta
jail

That don�t matter.If you want dope enough,you�ll get it.Oh yeh.That would help, definitelycause it�s so available.I mean you can get dope easierthan getting fucking beer,for fuck�s sakes.You can go buy a rockbut u can�t go to the storeto buy some cigarettesyou know.It�s so fucked up.

Your daughter — does she
think you are not well when she sees you?

She knows I�m not well.I�m HIV.Yeh, I�m not well.for 4 or 5 years now, yeh.

She�s pretty young (6 ½),
but does your daughter know you have a drug problem:

Oh yeh.She knows what needles are.She knows what sex is.She knows . . .Oh yeh, oh yeh.She�s a very smart kidyou know, very smart kid.Very stubborn kid, you know,kinda like me.She�s stubborn but she�s awareand she knows that I�m sick.She knows I won�t be aroundyou know.Like she goes to play therapyand counseling and stuffbecause of me, you know.Like, her life has been dysfunctionalher whole lifeand she�s getting better nowand I�m getting worse.

�abortion�

And if I can get one message,hey fuck,if you�re using dope,you get pregnant,fucking have an abortion man.Have an abortion, you knowdon�t carry it to full term.Because you knowyou say you�ll give it up
for adoptionbut then you won�t.You try to clean upand you won�t.it�s fucked up

because chances areyou aren�t goin to stay clean.You might stay clean for a
few monthsor even people stayfor years and years and years.And then fucking people go
back

and that kid doesn�t have a
choice.You know what I mean . . ?

. . . If you are a drug addicta person shud not have a choice.

like if they�re are out selling
your ass on the street,you are subjecting that child
to so many fucking things.Right, you know.Say they made an effort,makin a good effortto clean up and they want
to stay clean,and they stay clean.Then yeh, okayif you are going to make an
effortgo through with it.You deserve a chancebut then 3 or 4 monthsif you don�t want to quit
period.But then having that childyou know, should not be an
option,you know, everyone deserves
a chancea fresh start.

What do you think would
be the best thing to say to your child to explain how you got where you
are today?

How I got to where I am?. . . peer pressure.

How would you keep your
daughter away from that?How would you warn her
about that?

How would I warn her about
that?Don�t hang out with the fucking
cool kids, man.They are smoking cigarettes. . . she knows all about
that.Because I think,she sees how fucked up I am.She don�t want nothingto do with that shit.Nothing.Nothin.She�s dead set against it.But, she can tell when I�m
lying.Oh no, I don�t think it�s
goin to happen to herbecause she saw how bad it
was for me.No, I think it scared the
shit out of her.She�s a smart kid

(And I keep thinking this
girl is only 6 and a half)

Usually, it�s inherent.Third generation.You inherit those genes.But I don�t thinkit�s going to happen to her

People who you think are friends,you have no fucking friends
down here.The only thing that is your
friendis your fucking dope.You know, you got no fucking
friends here.You know, and you know . .
.

you are not a friend.

You�re not a friendand you don�t got a friend.You can�t trustand you can not be trusted.It�s do or die down here

�field trip�

This is hard core fucking shityou know.People think it�s fucking
coolyou know,getting high and all this
and that.You fuckin get a person down
hereyou know for a fucking, you
know,. . . a young kid,spend fucking 24 hours.Take then all down these streetseven for fuckin 5 or 6 hours.I�ll guaranteeit will scare the fucking
shit out of him.Takin someone around,that�s what people should
doinstead of these field trips.Take them down here for a
fuckin field trip.

�junkie shadow�

Take them down herefor a fuckin field trip man
. . .fuckinspend a few hoursspend the daywith a junkie.Where they go to do their
fixjust like their shadow.Like be a fuckin junkie shadow
man.And I swear,you do thatand these fucking young people
. . .that will get the fucking
message throughreal fast.It would you know.

�A day in the life of a
junkie�

You know you got all theseTV ad fuckin shitsfucking, bring em down here.Even spending 2 fucking hours
down here,doin everything to doin your
nailsto you know, doin a scoreto havin to watch out for
the cops(nicole had been watching
out for copsthrough the whole interview)robbing somebody.

A day . . .

a day in the junkie�s life.

You know what I am saying?That will get the message
through.That will get the message
thru to all these counseling shitbring them all down here for
a day.And I guaranteethat�ll do it.