Movie of the Week: The Karate Kid Part III

Oh man, I had the fantastic pleasure last night of completing my viewing of the Karate Kid Trilogy with The Karate Kid Part III, and this was a real corker. This is one of those films that rarely comes along and astounds you with it’s sheer brilliance. This is so bad it’s good, almost on par with films like Commando. Barely a script to be found, and none needed!

I’m not going to give a full review here, there are many more brilliant reviews at IMDB (skip past the first 3 which appear to be written by 10 year olds), but I will point out some highlights:

In a homage to George Lucas, Daniel Larusso has become Luke Skywalker, who starts to get seduced by the Dark Side. Uber-yuppie cum Van Damme/Steven Segal wannabe Terry Silver (Thomas Ian Griffith) dressed in black is a pony-tailed Darth Vader who wants to train Daniel-san so they can rule the Valley together. John Kreese, the nasty teacher from Part I returns as The Emperor, and Mr. Miyagi is so obviously Yoda. Larusso’s girlfriend is a namby pamby version of Princess Leia, and their cold-fish relationship is more like brother and sister, rather than a horny college couple.

The greatest revelation in watching this film again is the discovery by my companions and I of the depth of Mr. Miyagi and Daniel-san’s relationship. I mean this film is completely full of homosexual undertones. Daniel and Mr. Miyagi’s relationship breakdown results in tears after Daniel has an affair with another sensei, but they are able to work through their differences and remain passionate lovers.

A much older and fatter Ralph Macchio wearing what could only be described as “Harry High-pants” jeans. Fashion mistakes alone make this film worthwhile. And what is with Macchio’s swagger?! He really does look like something got stuck where it doesn’t belong…

What’s up with all this sacred bonsai tree nonsense? Something about “good root”. And the abseiling scenes are reminiscent of the old Batman and Robin TV series.

I’ve never seen a film that uses the racist term “slope” more than this one. I mean it’s racist AND it’s outdated!

I give this movie minus 4 and-a-half stars. TERRIFIC!

Definitely going to have to top this experience off with “The Next Karate Kid”, Hilary Swank’s finest moment.

There are a lot of parasites like Terry Silver. Usually they are non-asians who learn from Asian masters and betray their teachers through racism. For instance, Silver refers to Miyagi as a “slope”, yet he learns Asian karate, has a dojo with Asian text on the walls and calls himself “sensei”. That is what I call a true parasite. Even though it’s just a dumb movie, it’s still annoying. I think Silver should get back to his non-Asian hobbies since he doesn’t respect Asians, but is still greedy enough to learn Asian karate.

I do tae kwon do and there are real Terry Silver types at my dojan. They are slimy to my master and behave like “good boys” to him, but behind his back they call him and other Asian tae kwon do students “chink”, “gook” or “rice eater”. But still they learn tae kwon do from us and use it against us. My master doesn’t believe me when I tell him what kind of parasite scum they are and take advantage of us.