My first night in Texas, Jenna and I had a long talk after Sarah and Jane went to bed that I can't seem to get out of my head.

"Do I have to go home?" I whined. "Can't I just move in and stay here?"

"You could," she said thoughtfully. "And I'd love to have you. But you just signed a new lease, and you also have a love triangle at home to deal with."

"It's not a love triangle."

"Yet."

"But it's going to be," she insisted. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," I admitted.

And I really didn't, and still don't. I wish Brandon and I could have a do-over, but I know it's not that simple -- there's a lot of hurt and mistrust on both sides now. And as much as I hate to admit it, I only went along with that whole "Sure, fine, let's be friends" thing with Ed because he made it clear that it's what he wanted. But we haven't exactly had what you'd call a "normal" platonic relationship. And I don't even know if that's what I want.

"You know what it sounds like to me?" Jenna asked, when I'd finished telling her all of my twisted, confusing feelings. "It sounds like you want Brandon from six months ago, and Ed from six months in the future."

And she was right. So right. And it hit me that, while one of these guys might be "right," neither one of them might be "right now." Plus, my whole life is in transition right now -- shouldn't I be focused on that? That doesn't change the fact, though, that I have real feelings for both of them, and I want them both to be a part of my life. What does one do in this situation?

Fast-forward to yesterday morning at work. I hadn't talked to Ed since The Incident -- I had ignored his initial attempts at contact, and he hadn't followed up. When I got in, I went straight to my desk, instead of stopping by his office to say hello like I usually do. He sent me an IM as soon as I was booted up, asking if I had a minute to talk. I took a deep breath, went in to his office, closed the door behind me, and sat across from him at his desk.

"I feel like I spend so much time apologizing to you," he began, shaking his head. "But I'm so sorry. That was so inappropriate."

I nodded, and he continued.

"It didn't have anything to do with Emily, though. I mean, yeah, I was terrified to run into her, but after I saw her, it kind of hit me that I don't want her anymore -- I kind of just want her to want me. Does that make sense?"

I nodded again, remembering how badly I wanted Mike to beg me to take him back just so I could reject him, and how unsatisfying it had ultimately been when it actually happened.

"So I just wanted you to know that… that it wasn't because of Emily."

There was a part of me that wanted to ask what would have been a logical next question -- Then what was it? -- but I wasn't sure I wanted to deal with the answer. So I told him it was fine, even though it's not, and that we were cool, even though we're clearly not.

This would be so much easier to deal with, or not deal with, if we weren't working together. Someone's going to be getting an "I told you so" from her roommate…