The 12 types of people you'll find in every hostel dorm room

The people you come across in a hostel dorm-room are an eclectic bunch. Although you've all got something in common – an insatiable desire for budget accommodation – you'll each be different in your own special ways. But you're likely to find these repeat offenders wherever you go...

1. The lone traveller

You can expect this kind of person in almost every dorm room, and they're a pretty good asset, tbh. Because unless they're insistent on enduring the entirety of their travels completely alone, they tend to be quite talkative. Easy friend made, right there.

2. The messy one

Ever heard of personal space, love? Yeah, and I'd like some of my own, too, if it's not too much trouble. The messy ones seem to forget that they only own half a bunkbed's worth of space in the hostelling game, and spread their crap all over the room. Which you'll inevitably trip over when you attempt to navigate the journey from door to bed in the pitch black following a late one. Hate to sound like my mother, but TIDY UP.

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3.The old one

It's not like old people aren't welcome in hostels, you just kind of wonder why they're there. Like, if it were me travelling the world at the age of 50+, I'd probably try and stay in a hotel, or at least a private hostel room. Because I couldn't think of anything worse than having to socialise with all the gap yah kids on their jollies getting pissed on cheap boxed wine.

4. The snorer

These are the worst kind of dorm-mates. Not even earplugs designed to block out the noise of a Formula 1 racing car can do the job of silencing the racket of a snorer (believe me, I've tried). They'll have you up all night, forcing you to listen to the soothing sounds of the likes of Mumford and Sons in an attempt to calm your middle-of-the-night rage, as you contemplate pouring a cup of water on their face in an act of sweet, sweet revenge.

I'm going to come out there and say it; people with a known snoring habit should be banned from communal accommodation. Or they should be forced to declare their problem and bunk up in a room with fellow night-time noise polluters.

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5. The distrusting one

Everyone wants to protect their stuff in a hostel; that's a given. But this is the kind of dorm-mate who won't even leave her pyjamas out under her pillow for fear of them getting nicked. Lock away your iPad, yes. But your five-month-old flip-flops might not be quite such a tempting concept for the prospective robbers amongst you. Chill out.

6. The homesick one

Homesick dorm-members can usually be identified by the muffled sound of their tears as they scroll through their tagged photos and remember a life-less-lonely back home. It's alright, you needn't worry about them too much, they'll get over it in a matter of days, and this time next year they'll be working out how they can defer their scheduled flight home for a fourth time.

7. The shagger

We get it. You're probably away travelling for a long time, and we've all got needs. But your attempts at having silent sex aren't really working, I'm afraid, and now I'm laid here feeling a bit sea sick with all the motion from the bunk below. Couldn't you have waited 'til I was out?

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8. The hippy

You're travelling the world; the chances are you'll meet someone who's there in an attempt to find themselves, but found Greenpeace instead. And as a result, they've made the conscious life choice not to wear shoes and to clothe themselves in garments made of hemp. Savour conversations with these ones until you're really drunk; you'll be bowled over by how profound they are and will briefly consider throwing your own collection of shoes in the bin. Thankfully, you'll pass out before you actually get round to it. That could've been an expensive mistake.

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9. The inconsiderate one

DON'T TURN THE LIGHT ON WHEN YOU COME IN AT 4 IN THE MORNING, IS IT SO MUCH TO ASK? Jesus, invest in a head torch or something if you really must insist on illuminating the room. There's seven other people trying to sleep, here.

10. The good-time lads

These ones are also easily spotted; they're usually wearing a wife-beater, donning a tan, and tend to have a large quantity of lager bottles littering the surrounds of their bunks. They also tend to fit the description of numbers 7 and 9.

11. The long-timer

These dorm-members have been in the hostel so long they're practically part of the furniture. They earn extra money on shifts cleaning the kitchen and have no plans ever to leave. Watch out for these ones, they could be a way in to a tight hostel social group, but they're usually only interested in you if you're staying put for more than a week. They're not into nomads.

12. The guitarist

It's not hard to spot these: they come with a guitar strapped to their torso at all times. The thing is, they can't usually play more than a few chords and the verse of Wonderwall, which gets old pretty quick. Put it away, would you, I'm not interested in playing the tambourine during your 'jamming' session.

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