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Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Post Grad Problems

On May 16th, I walked across the stage at my college graduation and could NOT stop shaking. It was so surreal knowing I was never going to be going back to Endicott again.

I don't do well with change, and anyone who knows me knows this. My parents were surprised to see that I was so emotional after graduation, I literally was crying for two days straight and they were just very confused. I never wanted to go to school and I absolutely hated it for half of freshman year and most of sophomore year. My parents knew I was miserable which is why they were so confused about how sad I was to be done.

It wasn't so much that I was finished with school as it was that everything was changing. People keep telling me that the there's so much in store for me now and I will still see my friends and blah blah blah. I knew all of this was true but there was something so sad about knowing that I will never be living in a dorm on a college campus with four of my best friends, with in walking distance to all my other friends. There was something so unsettling about knowing that never again in my life will I be able to relive my college years.

I still see my friends and I do know that there are great things waiting for me. I had one hell of a summer and I couldn't be more thankful for that, but still to this day (almost 4 months post-grad) I think about Endicott and how badly I wish I could go back to the first day of freshman year and relive those four perfectly imperfect years.

Yesterday was the first day in a while that I started to feel really sad about all this again. Throughout the whole summer I kept thinking "wow, crazy that we graduated" but it never felt 100% finished. I think a lot of that had to do with the fact that I was taking a summer class at Endicott, so I wasn't technically "graduated" yet. I was back there almost every Friday this summer, and it was the perfect way to spend my summer (regardless of having to write a 50 page thesis). At the end of August, I handed in my thesis and I knew that was it. I had nothing left to do at Endicott, and when I saw my student status online change from "senior" to "graduated", I pretty much lost it. On top of finishing thesis and feeling incredibly depressed about that, yesterday was move in day for everyone at Endicott. I tell ya, it doesn't feel real until you see Facebook statuses and snapchats and Instagrams and all this stuff on social media of people moving in to a school that I will never be able to move in to again.

Although I am still incredibly sad and in denial that I graduated, I look back on the last four years of my life and realize that I am SO grateful for the things that I got from going to Endicott. I made some of the best friends in the world who I know are going to be my friends forever, I got to study abroad not once but twice, In Ireland and Spain, and so much more that I can't even put into words. I had some amazing opportunities and became a stronger, more independent and driven person, that I never would have become had I not gone to school and stuck to it.

All in all, I might be a college graduate, but I'm also 22, single and loving life. I still go out with my friends when I can and I still do what I can to enjoy myself regardless of not being in school. As much as I hate to admit it, I am hopeful for the future and am eager to see what it holds for me, but I'll never forget the time I spent in college and how much that meant to me.

So, thank you Endicott for the amazing four years and countless opportunities you provided me with. A part of me will always belong at Endicott.