Simple musings on life.

Posts tagged ‘love’

I was recently given the gift of abundant free time and beyond getting the opportunity to spend as much of it as possible at my favorite place in Manhattan, the community pool, I have been focused 100% on self reflection and improvement. As such, I have taken a break from the world of online dating so that I can work on being a person that I would actually consider dating. I am only 2 weeks into this apparent 7 week process, however love can’t be stopped so I was fortunate to meet my soul mate on a Brooklyn bound 4 train this past Saturday.

Meet might be a slight overstatement. It was hard to fully assess our companionship due to the fact I was entrenched in a novel and listening to my self improvement summer mix and he was devoted to his Michael Jackson travel tunes, however he had a positive energy, glasses, and no wedding ring so I am fairly certain this was true love. I wasn’t sure if I should say anything considering I am not totally self evolved as of yet, but I did remove one of my ear buds to invite any sweet nothings he wished to whisper in my available ear.

Unfortunately, the universe must have gotten its wires crossed and the sweet nothings were only the latter. I am persistent so I put forth a final hail mary and scoped out Craigslist Missed Connections, as I was confident Future Mr. B was likely there searching for yours truly. It was here I had my second surprise of the weekend. I have never really perused this website before, however I had a very romantic vision of the site filled with hopeless romantics chasing after love at first sight that just so happened to pass them by. The two people that happened to be reading the same tattered novel, swept away in a crowd of rambunctious teenagers, a meaningful glance that should have been more, the picnickers that got separated in a tizzy of Summer Stage attendees. I am here to tell you it is not this.

Missed Connections did NOT house the romantic message I was certain would be awaiting me, however if someone regretfully missed out on a threesome with a married couple at Niagra in the East Village, lost their “sweet” harness at Eagle Bar, or you are in search of the name of the charming gentleman that felt you up in meatpacking you should probably check out Craigslist because your connections await you. I, on the other hand, will be continuing my practice of avoiding Internet dating until I am fully prepared for true love and my eyes have healed from the assault that was Missed Connections. There were photos. Photos that I can never unsee… And if you happen to be that tall bespectacled gentleman from the 4 train… well then this worked out nicely. Until next time!

In anniversary of her passing I have been reflecting on how much my mom loved life. Her true love of life surrounded the human variety and bringing babies into the world in the way of a labor and delivery nurse. The sparkle in her eye over the topic of babies was never fading and she always had a bag packed with the tools needed in the event she had to deliver for a pregnant teacher years later in life when she was no longer working in a hospital but rather an elementary school. I am sure she would have been elated for the chance to use it.

I wish I could carry on this legacy and that I had the stomach to do so, but unfortunately I don’t have the Brady altruistic career path gene. I also don’t do so well with such a large volume of body fluids and screaming. When fluffy, my male hamster, suddenly gave birth to a litter of baby hamsters while I was home with a stomach virus at age 8, Mom leveraged the opportunity to use t it as a teaching moment. I learned more than one lesson that day. First I learned to always question living gifts from my aunt. Second I learned to get separate cages for my two hamsters. And third I learned hamsters eat their live offspring regardless of whether or not you are home with the flu or not. It was a big day. I am getting off track. She was such a vibrant presence in my life, it is impossible for me to conceptualize that it has been 3 years without her. As she made sure to tell me nobody said life is fair. So a toast!
I hope your days are filled with the crispest champagne, the butteriest foie gras, the prime spot at the beach for sunset, the best patterned socks for monkey making, the comfiest first class seats for flying, the spiciest chili peppers, plentiful clams during eternal low tide, the most elegant yet unbreakable glasses for painting, the bluest hydrangeas that manage to survive more than a season, the best tag ,estate or yard sales and all around best bargains to be found, and most of all YMCA always queued up on the play list. Thinking of you keeps my heart whole. I know you are making heaven laugh every day. Lucky heaven! Je t’aime

Since it is the turn of the New Year I, along with all others, will end 2013 on a reflective note. In other words, ALERT serious post to follow! I know I am scared too. Most years, amidst the celebratory nature of the surrounding toasts, I say aloud that I feel that the following year will be better than the last. I rarely commit myself fully to this belief because of the resounding fact that I hate change.

As we all know, I am a 95-year-old woman living in a 29 year old body. So I have grown comfortable in my crotchety ways. I most likely could eat the same thing for dinner for the rest of my life, watch the same Frasier reruns, get the same Hendricks martini. I love traditions, process, rules not so much, but you get it. So as the years have gone by and things have changed, I haven’t loved it. And as the past few years have passed, however hopeful I have felt, I knew at my core that things were getting progressively worse. Or more accurately things were getting more real and ultimately changing.

But I am happy to say I have had my last revelation of 2013. Although who knows, I could keep going all day and night! Here is my thought , things change, both those things that simply happen and have a profound impact, and those things that we actively choose to change. That’s a fact, but here is the big a-ha moment that is most likely obvious to all other humans, but for a self-proclaimed change-phobe this was big, I can still maintain important things remain consistent while still allowing for change

Last year was the first Thanksgiving that my family celebrated without my mom and my Dad and I made the mistake of flying the coop and heading to Mexico for the big day. There was no turkey, no family gathering, no cooking, and most obviously no Mom. It hurt. It mad us sad, but the thought was, if we can’t have our traditions with Mom, then why have them at all? Let’s just get away. But this year my sisters in law taught me that we can carry on traditions in a new space and keep both said traditions and the spirit of my mom alive forever.

So we had Thanksgiving in Philadelphia and everyone had to toast to what they are thankful for (side note – best drinking game ever). And with Christmas is Seattle we opened new stockings filled with old favorites like socks and painted wine glasses. These gestures may be small but it filled me with joy to know we can continue the traditions that my mom started and made us closer as a family. And this was the catalyst that made me further realize that the past is always with me, so although I don’t love change, evolution is inevitable and keeping these pieces with me is part of the process that will only make me stronger. And with this thought, I truly believe that 2014 will be better than 2013. And I can’t wait.

Nostalgia is incredible. I would venture that beyond love it is the strongest emotion. Basically, it is one of the most feelingy feelings I have. I trend towards sentimental, it’s party of my senility, so I recently I got to reminiscing about some notable past moments. Only I can make a day of mulling over nostalgia, however I went with it. Most often I think of these instances as I drift to sleep, performing my own brand agnostic equivalent to prayer so that I may revisit them in my dreams.

This strategy of time travel rarely works and when it does I am so caught off guard I can’t properly enjoy it, wasting most of the dream trying to decipher its reality. This is getting a little too mushy, moving on. Whenever possible, these are the moments I most savor.

Bowls of snow with warm maple syrup. Or more accurately forcing my beloved Beauty Senior to enjoy this wonderful delight.

Getting penny candy at nearby Old fashioned candy stores. Satellite wafers, weighing essentially nothing offering the greatest deal of eternity, until they figured this out stopped charging by weight. Sad day for all of us.

Digging clams in sun or rain, or any weather condition for that matter. With my Mom. This mostly consisted of gossiping and standing in the water.

There are many more, but these are the simplest ones that I revisit most often. I wish all of you the best of luck reminiscing, and if you find yourself face to face with favored moments in your dreams try to relax and enjoy them all over again. What are your favorite moments?

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A wonderful serenity has taken possession of my entire soul, like these sweet mornings of spring which I enjoy with my whole heart. I am alone, and feel the charm of existence in this spot, which was created for the bliss of souls like mine. I am so happy, my dear friend, so absorbed in the exquisite sense of mere tranquil existence, that I neglect my talents. I should be incapable of drawing a single stroke at the present moment; and yet I feel that I never was a greater artist than now.