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Chronically Hopeful.

Some days we pull our card du jour and say “wow, that’s really good” or “huh, pretty damn close to just what I have going on right now” and then there are the daily draws that make you go “holy crap! What kind of freaky witchy voodoo have you got going on there in that messy strange house of yours?!” Today is the last one. And I did it to my own odd self elf.

My afternoon was mostly uneventful, and yet emotional. On Mondays our pool class has to share space (water, actually) with a group of children. Not terrible but it can be difficult. Today was better, lap swimmers can come in, and do their thing, over there. We have some complainers (I’m one of them) about all of this damn sharing.

On the one hand, it seems not quite right to have us oldsters splashing around and everyone trying to listen to me while a group of youngsters is also splashing around and trying to hear their instructor. Both groups feeling crowded and not truly having enough room to stretch out comfortably.

Conversely, I live VERY near an open to ALL people, solar heated, saltwater therapeutic pool that has reasonably priced classes where, two days a week, I not only get to attend (for free), but in which I am the leader!

The electric range fiasco. That ugly piece of shit came with the house, it hasn’t ever functioned as it should, and MUST be going on 35 years old by now. Mr Cheap Shithead who lived here before and did the last remodel is entirely to blame, he bought worthless crap BECAUSE he was a cheap shithead (I hate him to very core of my being, and his too while I’m at it) So the stovetop is only half functioning, the oven has NEVER been right, and now the remaining burners only get warm when ever the fuck they feel like it, which has been barely at all lately.

On the other hand, we are fortunate enough to HAVE a house, with a kitchen, that contains many appliances and (almost) modern conveniences, one of which is a built-in stove/oven that works SOME of the time!

Physical ailments. My horrifically bruised toe may have healed quickly on the outside but that was all a cruel trick. On the inside it’s become almost more pain and discomfort than is tolerable. It throbs, it aches, and it sticks out. The better to bash it around MORE!

On the plus side, I have TEN TOES!!!! And I have feet too! Both of which are not always in pain, often they are perfectly fine, albeit puffy and swollen on random occasions, they DO take me where I need to go. Practically all the time.

Dental bullshit that never ends. I received a notice from the oral surgeon. This is the man I’ve waited a million years to go see so I could get implants and have real live molars (solid, but fake, better than “real” real) for chewing food again. Nothing is covered by insurance. Nothing. Let me type that again, so we all really get it clearly. NOTHING! NO. THING. Not one part of this nearly five thousand dollar repair in my mouth where that stupid bridge kept falling out.

(And that was only the FIRST estimate, there are three separate places in my mouth that need this work done.)

Here’s where I’m having trouble being grateful, but I’m not giving up. We have SOME dental insurance. My entire growing-up years we had none (hence the lack of good “back” teeth to build upon now). I am able to treat immediate pain and decay and basic crap with the minimum we DO have. True, better than NO coverage. But hell, I am SO disappointed about this implant situation. Yeah, not gonna happen any time soon, or at all, is what I’m thinkin’ now.

On to our message, our voice from the Universe, our papery wee oracle that rests upon an unfinished table covered in mismatched, hand-me-down fabric scraps. The day was not bad (no one died! So far), but there was an underlying sadness to it that I just couldn’t shake. (Didn’t I JUST come out from under a similar mess? Dammit! I’m tired of being down. Maybe I’m NOT out from under it.) And then, we got this.

“Stay Optimistic ~

Your dreams are coming true.

Don’t quit right before the miracle occurs.

This is it – your time has come. You are about to collect your rewards, and your prayers will be answered. However, a bit more patience and guided action on your part is required.

The extra wait and effort are definitely worth it. You are just about there, and this card asks you to keep your faith about miracles and heavenly magic.

Use your imagination to visualize that your dreams have already come true. Your heart will swell with gratitude and joy, and these emotions will speed up your desired manifestations. Before long, you will be enjoying the tangible results.”

So. That was slightly unexpected. But obviously WAY welcome. As much as I felt utterly shitty and supremely bad earlier, now, I don’t. As much, anyway. And this is a perfect example of why I believe that we receive these messages at exactly the right times. Again, we merely need to listen, and then honor them.

(The illustration here is pure garbage though, I can’t stand the image and have been avoiding looking at it. The WAY it’s done is delightful. The WHO however, is misery all over the damn place. [No, not HOW, I really do mean WHO.] It seems to be based on the original, tragic, and hopelessly miserable Hans Christian Andersen story. Talk about sad and deadly depressing! Disney did us all a great big favor on that one. Personally, I’m pretending it looks like something completely different. I suggest you do the same.)

I’m going to acknowledge my gratitude by embracing and nurturing this small spark of positivity now. I’ll go have a Quiet Moment, do some laundry, mend something on the sewing machine for one of my babies, get a good healthy snack, and just generally practice distraction, while I wait for my miraculous and hugely optimistic destiny to arrive. I’ll start with some creative visualization, as Doreen suggests, and see where that takes me. Open invitation here, do this at home where ever you are (three minutes, I know you have that, I know it), tossing out the “heavenly” part if that’s bothersome.

Dental insurances practically never include implants because of the expense. If you are fortunate, they may include any bridgework needed after said implants have been done. Don’t ask how I know this, me with the gaping spaces in my upper jaw *sigh*.
Looking to stay optimistic as well (maybe I left mine in a coat pocket somewhere).

You know, Hans was TRYING to be optimistic. The Little Mermaid learned about true love, put the Prince ahead of what she wanted for herself, and was rewarded with immortality in the form of a soul. It’s just sad as shit to the reader that she had unrequited love and died. But, looking at the BIG picture, she won.