The ever-tireless Bingo found me this lulzy item deep down in the sewers. Isn't it glorious in its misery ?

So, jrzang89, who in all probability was born in '89, and otherwise "has been a redditor" for 4 years, in the process accumulating 8`003 "link karma" and 7`355 "comment karma"i does possess the English language sufficiently to employ constructions such as "only if X would I Y" correctly, but does not possess his wits enough to observe the self-parodic nature of his message. The benefits he has derived from his collegiate experience have been strictly formal, and of no further substance.ii

What sort of school should have his parents sent him to, so that he'd notice the link between "derpy socialist has been an influence in my thinking" and "I'm a completely useless fucktard, ready for the German oven", I wonder.

Dear fathers, genuinely concerned about the future of your offspring : do not allow themiii to go to a US college. If you do, they will acquire the form of a person and the substance of stacked shit. They'll know enough of how women work to whine about "medical conditions" and sprout an endless string of "credible" excuses. They'll be polite at the table, "sensitive" and altogether Prince Alberts ready to go into another man's urethra. No more.

Instead, deliver them bound and naked to the slave trade. Perhaps they'll be killed. If they are, it's certainly the best for all those involved. Perhaps they won't be killed. If they aren't killed, they may or may not exhibit the skin of a slave ; but they will certainly cover with it the personality of a human being.

Your forefathers did this great service to the scum of Africa. It is time now for men abroad to do this service to the scum your poorly trained wives spewed. Take solace in the knowledge such is the way of the world ; and think that rope is cheap, yet its curative powers far exceed anything the medical profession has to offer.

Now you understand "what possessed those Africans to sell their own children into slavery". It's simple, really : for some stock, slavery is the absolute best thing that can happen.

———

Do not disparage these accomplishments, worthless as they may be. I can promise you the schmuck held no job for four years, had no fixed domicile for that interval other than his misfortunate parents' address, and let's not even get into the private sphere. [↩]

The debt he has incurred in that adventure, however, is strictly substantial - so informal, in fact, as to be undischargable even through bankruptcy proceedings. They say that all capitalism is built, like any engine is built, on such disparity. Which way the college engine does its work, towards Jr. Zang or towards the USG Department of Scamming Middle Class Kids, is anyone's guess. [↩]

Footnote ii is solid example of the lulz a Bernie presidency could unleash. Just imagine if the Bernie administration happened in the way the Bahamas administration was marketed, and all of this student debt was discharged in Chapter 7 liquidations. Millions of adult children forced to decide between their vidya game collections and getting rid of 6 figure debt and then the punchline comes...

No longer burdened by the student load debt they find themselves in exactly the same situation they were before Bernie... minus the vidya games...