2009-05-03

Chapter 19

The last months were really funny and exciting. And I’m really surprised that we have May already!!Miki and I had a nice new year, it was really special and a funny timing when we both…I giggled.Then the concerts I attended, our Single making and release of ‘LuLuLu’. We had so much fun…And I have not to forget our 1st Album! And now…

“Matsuura-san, Fujimoto-san, you have to be on stage in 7 minutes.” A stuff member walked in and told us.We both nodded. Yeah…GAM’s first tour…It couldn’t be better, really.“We will give our best, okay? I mean…we always do, right?” I began to laugh and took Miki’s hand.“Uhn…”“Hm? Are you ok?”“Huh? Ye-yeah sure!” She quickly said and smiled. Was she nervous? I was too…“Hey…we are a great team. Nervous? I’m too, so don’t worry…” I whispered and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She nodded and we were walking to the stairs that led to the stage.I took a peep on Miki again. I wonder what’s on her mind the last days, because her behaviour changed since she came back from Hokkaido...Or it has to do with Sanma...He made some really stupid jokes on her...

“3…2…1, ok! Go, go, go!” The staff member shouted.We ran out on stage and to see all of those thousands of people sitting and standing there, waiting for us to sing was a really good feeling. You had to give your best for making them smile and when they enjoyed it, it brought a huge smile on your own face.

***I was sweating, exhausted and tired. The concert was just awesome. I really had fun and Miki seemed to have it as well.

“Nice work you two, but shorter dresses would bring even more people to your concerts.”We both looked at the door.“Sa-Sa-?”Miki stuttered.“Sanma-san!” I blurted out of surprise, “You watched our concert?”“Yes, didn’t Miki tell you?”“No…” she said and looked away.“Oi! Why haven’t you said anything to me?” I asked sad.“…forgot it.” Miki replied and shrugged.“Fujimoto seems to have a bad mood huh? I told her that I will come and watch your concert. And also...I saw this comedian outside somewhere...This...erm Shouji...why are you inviting HIM to your concerts?”“Wha-?”“He’s here?” asked, “Where is he?”“Cut it out!” Miki shouted angry and walked to the door.“Where are you going?”“Getting a drink!” she shot back and glared at me. I stood there, shocked.

“What the fuck is wrong with her?!” I shouted. Sanma shrugged, “Fujimoto is like that…I think it’s nothing new.”He was wrong. I know her since years. She has her little moment, especially this death look. But the way she looked at me right now was different. I was worried, what has been going on?I hope she’s ok…And why...is this Shouji here? I can’t stand him and who would invite him anyway...?

I was already finished and could have left any minute. Miki was still not back. But the door opened a minute later and it was her. She came in, took her things and walked o the door.“Wo, wo, wo! Hold on!” I said and grabbed her by the arm, “Where are you going and what is wrong with you?!”“1st, I’m going home! I stink! 2nd, nothing is wrong and 3rd, Bye!”“Hey!” I shouted as she managed to release her arm and opened the door.“Miki!” I shouted after her.“What?!”“Tell me what’s wrong…”She reminded calm and her head sank.“Bye…see you next week.”“Why next week?!” I asked surprised.“I-I have some things that have to be sold out. Tour and stuff…”“I will call you.”“No, I will. Don’t worry Aya it’s…everything is ok.” Miki’s voice sounded nervous.I stepped forward and hugged her. She didn’t return it. Her arms were hanging loosely.“Are you stressed? Is it because you became leader of Momusu…?” I whispered. Her head slowly found my shoulder. Just when she wanted to hug me back, a Staff Member shouted that her Taxi was there.She quickly pushed me away. But it was gently.“Wait…” I said.She stopped and didn’t look back.“I love you.”She lowered her head and tightened her grip on her bag.“I…love…you too” What I was seeing shocked me. Miki ran away. I couldn’t really believe her when she said she loves me too.

***When I came home I took a quick shower and went to bed.No call from Miki. I sighed and pulled my blanket up to my chin. Actually I would be with her or she would be with me…We would cuddle and she would babble about naughty things again. I would shush her…wait…no…it can’t have to do with our sex life. We both love it.“Miki what’s wrong…” I sighed.As more as I thought about a reason about her behaviour as scarier I got.Doesn’t she love me anymore? Does she want to break up with me? Will she say “It’s over” on her next phone call she promised?

“Aw stop it already!” I said to my self and turned around.I tightened my grip on the blanket and couldn’t hold my tears back.It was too much pain suddenly. I love her so much.

Suddenly there was this accident of last year on my mind.This big mountain gorilla called Yano. He used Miki. She thought he was taking it serious, but he only wanted to get her money. And he was also known by police. They were relieved that they found him in the end, because of my heroic reactions. But I only wanted to protect Miki, because I fell in love with her and she is my best friend.I got away with a scar on my shoulder but it was worth it. Still…I wonder why she picked him…The best thing would be when I would wait how this will go on. Maybe it is really because of the whole leader situation…

The next morning I got a call from Maki.She wanted to go shopping. I said I didn’t want to go anywhere. Just when I was about to hang up, she said she will come over and pick me up.

“Oi! I said no!”

On the end of the line I just heard a click and the line was dead.And Maki did what she said and was standing at my door, grinning like a little kid.

“You are an idiot Maki…” I said and glared at her.“Nothing new to me, you know.” She replied cool and walked in.I sighed, “Do you want a cup of coffee?”“Nope. I just want to pick you up for ‘Maki’s BIG SHOPPING TAIKETSU’”“I said I’m not in the mood for having fun!”“Ok. What has Miki done this time?” Maki asked and sat down.“Do you have a sense for knowing what she does?” I asked.Maki thought about it, “I don’t know?” she shrugged, “but I know it’s about her again, right?”I sighed, “Yes damn it! She is so strange the last days!”“All of us realised that fact…it’s really strange. Is it because you aren’t good in bed?”“No, I’m good. She lov- wo hold on?! What did you just say?”I began to get nervous, “I’m not with her…you know.”

Maki began to laugh, “I know you are Aya. You don’t need to say anything against it.”“H-how?” I asked and sat down as well.“My senses…so, you don’t think it’s because of the fact you are bad in bed?”“Hey I’m good! I made her get an HUGE orgasm on New Year!” I shouted back and blushed.“Oh damn that’s so un-cool you know? And you didn’t have sex earlier?”I shook my head.“And you say you’re good? Prove it.”

I jumped up, “Maki stop it already!”She began to giggle,”Sorry, ok so you have no clue what’s wrong with her recent behaviour?”“Not at all… she doesn’t want to talk to me. But it feels like she is hiding something. She wants to hug or kiss you but something is holding her back.”“She’s away until next week right?”I nodded.

“Ok let’s not think of it. Maybe she really has been really stressed since she got Yossies leader position.”She was right.“You’re right, but…what is when she really wants to leave me?”“You can still sleep with me.”“MAKI!!”“Just kidding. So come on let’s have fun. And what’s wrong about the idea to go out every day? You will come on other ideas and can relax.”I nodded.

***It was weekend.I had been very busy. But late at night I went out with other girls and really had fun.But my mind was still on Miki. Everyone asked me about her and I had no proper answer…And she hadn’t called. I tried and tried but she never answered.

On Wednesday I went out with Maki again. It was part 2 of her Shopping taiketsu again.We went to Shinjuku this time and entered a little store to get a coffee and a little snack.While I was paying, Maki suddenly stood behind me with a Magazine in her hands.

“What’s wrong? Don’t you feel well? You have no colour in your face.” I laughed.She shook her head and gave me the magazine.“Friday? I don’t read something like that you know.”“Look at the title in the middle…”

I was irritated and looked at it.“This is a joke, right?” I asked, “This only can be a joke!!!” I shouted this time.“Shhhh! Not so loud!” Maki whispered and looked around.“Not so loud?! This has to be a joke!! This can’t be true!” I looked thru the Magazine.

My eyes were growing wider as I read thru it.How could this be real?! Miki is dating a guy?? And this guy is Shouji?! What the hell!!They were seen together in a sauna, in a store, in a car and his apartment?! She stayed there for 3 days?!Oh, now everything is making sense to me! Now I knew what she had to do!“I have to go Maki.” I said and walked out.“Wait?! What are you up to?!” Maki shouted and ran to catch up with me.“I want to know the truth! And I want it from Miki! Damn Maki think!”Maki grabbed me by the shoulder and stopped me, “Ok, stop. Go…But! Think before you do anything that you could regret in the end.”“She will regret it for having me hurt! She played with me!” I took Maki by her wrist and put her hand away from my shoulder and caught the next taxi to get to Miki’s apartment.

I heard a click and the door opened.“Aya?”“I want the truth.”“Huh? What are you talking about?” she asked.I threw the Friday magazine in front of her feet, “I want the truth.”She looked at me and then to the magazine. She picked it up and looked at the cover.Miki stared at it and her eyes looked like they would fall out.

“No, no, no! It is not like that how it looks like there!” she quickly said.“Oh, no? Then…Tell me how it looks like then!!” I shouted and glared at her. She looked around, “Come in, please…”Without looking at her I stepped in. This was not a nice feeling…I think I reacted a little bit too fast…I had no clue how to start.

“Do you want something? Tea or coffee?” she asked.How dare she could be so calm?!“The truth!”“I…um…”“Why? Is it because you don’t love me anymore?”“NO!” she shouted.I raised an eyebrow. She looked away, “It’s not because of you…”

“It is! Just say it! You’re behaviour since last week, you were already with him right?! Because I’m no good for you! Damn, you’ve cheated on me! I’m not a doll with that you can play like you want!”“You are-”

I slapped her.She fell onto the ground.“I am NO doll you bitch!” I screamed.

“…aren’t…” she whispered as she held her cheekI stood there stunned. Okay, she didn’t finish her sentence but who cares?! Then the slap was for cheating on me and FINISH!She looked away.“Why? Damn Miki. I love you…no, I loved you! What on earth have I done that you do this to me?!”“Wait! Please! You had nothing to do with it! It has to do with my-“The sound of keys was hearing outside.

“Oh shit!” Miki quickly said and grabbed my arm.“Oi! What are you doing?!” I shouted.“Aya! Please be quiet! It is him. I don’t want him to see you here.”“Oh yeah! And you are damn right because I will knock out his teeth!”She was pushing me behind the door of the kitchen.“Please Aya, hold still! You don’t understand it! Let me explain it to you…but now it is the wrong time!”I stared at her, “You better tell me everything or I will do something-“She sealed my lips with hers, “Please…”

The main door opened and Miki jumped back into the living room.I stood still…For a minute my anger disappeared and I wondered my self why she kissed me.She was playing with my feelings…

“I’m back!” I heard a man voice and saw Shouji entering the living room.I had a good view actually.Miki just stood there, “Hi…”“And everything ok?” he asked.“I think so.”“You are really ok?” he asked and wrapped an arm around her neck.Miki shifted uncomfortably.

‘Get your hands off her!’ I thought angry.

“Y-yeah.” She stuttered and released herself from his grip.“You don’t look ok. Is it still because of the decision of your parents?”

What decision? Miki’s parents?

Miki stood there and looked away.Shouji sighed and took his coat again, “Well…just wanted to bring you some food.”“Thanks…” Miki said.He stepped forward and lowered his head. He wanted to kiss her!!! No, no, no!“No.” Miki said and turned her head away.I was relieved. But why did she didn’t let him kiss her. They are together aren’t they? Or was Miki just playing her game because I was there? It hurt to think about it…“You still don’t let me kiss, hug, bath or sleep with you?” he asked.

‘I will so gonna hit you!!’

“We were in separated saunas, you slept on my sofa etc. when we dated.” He sounded angry.“I just don’t want this here!” Miki shouted back.“Whatever, well you have got no other choice Miki. You chose me.”Miki bit on her lip.“Bye.” He said and walked out of the apartment.

I was more than just stunned. What the hell was going on?Miki sat down on her couch and hid her face behind her legs.Slowly I walked from the kitchen into the living room.“What have your parents to do with it?” I asked and seated beside her.

“Arranged marriage…” she sobbed. She was crying.“W-What?!!” I stuttered and hoped I heard wrong.Miki nodded and looked up, “How should I start…”I felt a mix of emotions.“One and a half weeks ago I went up to Hokkaido and visited them... We went out and had a nice day…But then they told me they wanted me to get married.”“W-Why…no I will shut up now…explain me everything…”

“I was surprised…”

***

*Conversation between Miki and her parents*

“You want what?!” Miki shouted.“Calm down…” her mother told her.“Calm down?! You want me to calm down after you said I should marry?! I don’t want to marry!”“Miki sit down!” Mr. Fujimoto shouted and hit against the table.Miki froze and sat down.“Now…you are 21 years old. Old enough. Do you think you can live a life as a Star for ever?”“Yes. Everyone can so I can too!”Miki’s mom sighed, “But you don’t get the chance to meet some nice guys because of the rules you have to follow because you are in Morning Musume.”“I don’t need to meet guys. I am happy with my life how it is! And I can deal with the rules very well. Do you think I give this all up only because of a guy? Never! I will not marry anyone!”

On the other side she would like to marry but it wouldn’t be a guy. She is with Aya and she loves her more than anything else. There would be nobody she would love to spend her life for ever as with Aya.

“Miki don’t get insane-““No! You two are already insane!” she replied angry.“Fujimoto Miki! Stop that now! You will marry if you want or not! We care about you and are scared that your career could affect your life.” Fujimoto shouted again.“Well then you have needed to think about all that before I went to my audition!”“Miki…please you must understand that we only want the best for you. You can’t be on your own all the time. “Miki’s mum said quietly.Miki thought a bit. She was angry.“So…what will happen next? Will you go on a date with the guy we had chosen for you? Or will you continue your life as it is now and disappoint your own parents?” Fujimoto said calm.

For her the second way was the best way, but it also meant that she would hurt her parents.And she loves them. They took care of her since she was on this world. But she had a plan in her mind…even she didn’t know if it would be the best…

“Ok. I will go on a date, BUT…don’t think too much of it.” She finally said.Her parents were having big smiles on their faces.”I knew you would choose the right way.” Her father said.

***

“…it turned out that this guy was Shouji.”Her story was making sense, but could I believe it?“Keep going…” I said.She sighed, “So we took this 3 day date but nothing happened. Like I said, I told them I would go on this date but I never said that I would marry him afterwards. Well the difficult part is near…I have to tell them that I will not marry him…”“So what does that mean?” I asked finally and looked at her.“I still love you Aya-chan. And I would never ever in my whole life leave you for someone else. Even not for my parent’s sake.”She had a truly look in her eyes.“Is that true?”She nodded and smiled, “Of course…I would even fly to the moon and shout that I love you sooo loud that you can hear it!”She took my hand, “And…I’m sorry for having you hurt…I was too scared how you would react if I told you…trust me…I only play this thing…and there is another reason…”“What other reason?” I asked.“I don’t want to be in Morning Musume anymore. It’s too much for me. Actually it just came to my mind when I thought about this plan with this marriage thingy…”“Are you sure? I mean…I understand you decision but…you already made it into the gossip magazines and newspapers. How will you tell everyone?”“Dunno…didn’t thought about it yet.” She said with a grin.“Whatever you do, I will support you.”

“Aya…? Do you still love me?”After she explained every detail to me…Yes…I nodded and hugged her, “More than anything else.”It felt good to hold her again.She began to sob again. I pulled away gently to get a better view of her, “Your ok?”She nodded and smiled.

After a while we sat there just staring at each other.“So your parents don’t know that you…erm…”“No! They would kill me if they would know that their daughter is a lesbian celebrity and has Aya Matsuura as girlfriend!” “Are you sure?”“I think…so?”

We began to laugh.“What about your parents?”“By the way, I visit them next week, you wanna come with me? And no they don’t know….but I want to tell them.”“I would love to but you really want to tell them about me and you”“If it is ok with you, yes. Because they kept asking and asking me when I want to get a “boyfriend” I think they will take it easy that I became a lesbian. Never thought I would but you are reason enough~”Miki giggled.

“What will you do with Shouji?”“I will kick his ass out off here!!”I grinned, “A bit hard but very good.”“Are you still angry?”“Only a bit...and I want to apologize for slapping you...I overreacted because I didn’t knew what was going on.”“No it’s ok... Don’t worry about that... We are quit I think. The slap was for me that I kicked you down there twice.”We laughed quietly.“Say...Aya...Do you want to stay here over night?”I nodded, “But what about him?”“I don’t let him sleep here.”

***

We took a shower together and went to bed.It was early but who cared.Miki snuggled into me and closed her eyes.It felt so good to have her back…actually I didn’t lost her.

“Miki?”“Hmmm…”“Am I good in bed?”

Silence...

“Miki!”“Yeah…?”“I mean it dead serious!”“Shhh… you are good…”“Really?”Miki looked up at me with a smile,” Yes you are and you can prove it tomorrow if you want.”“Hmm that sounds good.” I grinned and kissed her forehead.“Good night Aya-chan.”“Good night Mikitty.”