When people ask me who my idol or role model is, I always tell them the same thing: James Dean. Then usually the response is somewhere along the lines of, “Oh, cool! He was a great actor,” or “Oh yeah, such a tragedy he died so young.” And they’re right, he was a great actor and his death was truly a tragedy. But my admiration for James Dean runs so much more deep than that. Undoubtedly, he remains one of biggest sex symbols in Hollywood’s Golden Age, mostly immortalized because he died when he was in his prime (because who knew what he could’ve done in the subsequent years that might’ve tarnished his cool guy image). But he’s so much more than just talent, good looks, and tragic accidents.

He’s most famous for saying, “Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today,” and it sound like all the inspirational cliché crap you hear from idiots who think they’re deep and philosophical, but James Dean very much did live by his mantra. This is a guy who lived for the now, and didn’t give a shit about what anybody thought. This is a guy who was so ahead of his time, so rebellious to the constraints of the industry yet still made it, and valued each day he was living. So yeah, he died young, but I don’t think he died with regrets. This is the guy who said that “the prime reason for existence, for living in this world, is discovery.” To push your comfort limits, to just do what you want to do, to experience and to live.

I’ve always been apprehensive about most things in my life with a tendency to overthink things, attempt to control what I can’t control. I’ve prevented myself from participating in many things and feeling many things because I wanted to keep myself safe, both physically and emotionally. I don’t want to keep doing that anymore. I’m only nineteen, and I still have time to see the world and take risks. Things that happens and things that I do right now in my life won’t be the end-all and be-all. Sure there are going to be bad experiences, but if I don’t allow myself to experience anything, I’ll miss all the good experiences too. This is why James Dean is my role model. I thoroughly enjoy his movies, he’s a fantastic actor, but mostly, I love what he represented. I loved how he lived for himself and didn’t let a single opportunity, a single minute, go to waste.

Jimmy, it’s been 59 years and you are still spreading joy and changing the lives of movie fanatics all over the world. It’s been 59 years, and you are still sorely missed. Rest in peace.

“If a man can bridge the gap between life and death, if he can live on after he’s dead, then maybe he was a great man.” – James Dean

The Road Not Taken. You know, that poem about Robert Frost choosing between two roads in a forest, and ultimately deciding to take the path less travelled. I can’t think of anything more trite than that, which is why I’m cringing just typing this, but I think that it’s the time for me to revisit that. I’m in college now and this is pretty much the beginning to the rest of my adult life, and it’s so easy to get caught up with all the competition and the stresses of school to forget that sometimes, the one thing you need to do is do you. Yes, I’m serious, I’m listening to Robert Frost.

When I first went into film school, I was a little baby 17-year-old freshman who was so excited to be on set, and excited to jump on the crazy fucking train to Hollywood. I wanted to be that hotshot producer who consecutively steals the win each year at the Oscars or the Emmys, because didn’t we all? I never exactly glamorized the industry, but I certainly didn’t realize just how cutthroat the business was. Everybody is just as driven, if not more, than I am, and there are students who already had industry ties. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so big anymore. Looking back right now, there were a lot of things that I wish had went better. I wish I made more connections with people on set, because maybe it could’ve been me with a pending Associate Producer title on the Interterm Pilots. Maybe it could’ve been me who was asked to UPM or produce an independent, or is the go-to girl when a set needed a 2nd AD. And maybe it could’ve been me who got an internship with Warner Bros. The point is, with all the pressure setting in and horror stories of interning at talent agencies and large studios, I was feeling hopeless and full of regret. Sure, these people are my peers who are always down to help each other, but realistically they’re also my competition. And why didn’t I click with anybody on set better?! There must be something wrong with me.

So now it’s October 2014, just turned 19, and I’m fine. I don’t like producing that much, I’ve discovered, and that’s fine. I don’t really have any friends that I made on set, and you know what? That’s fine. It’s not my fault if I didn’t click with anybody on the sets I’ve worked on. I’m still working hard and I want to do development in television (at least I think, I’m pretty sure), but I’ve stopped worrying about what other people are doing. If someone is doing an internship, I shouldn’t feel bad that I’m not. I’ll keep trying to talk to producers, and going on set to meet people, but I’m not going let myself feel pressured to, like I have to. I’m just going to do me, and figure out my career path and what works for me. Sure it mind end in total disaster, but I guess that’s life. I’m all for pushing myself, out of my comfort zone, but in the end I have to be happy right?

It’s been a while since I last posted and it’s that time of year again for some (publicized) self-reflection (because what start of the school year isn’t complete without one??).

Overall, my summer was okay. Not the best summer, because I’m quite eager to start sophomore year and frankly have something to do, but it was relaxing and different from the other summers I’ve had so there’s that.

New school year resolutions? I’m not going to make a list or anything like that because it’s pretty clear to me on what I want to accomplish this year. I want this year to be about me. About self-improvement, self-love, and as cheesy as it sounds, finding who I am and what I’m all about. Because it sucks trying to get people to like me when I don’t even like myself. Crushes will probably still happen, naturally, but I’m taking extra measures to take care of myself and put myself before any of that shit. I’m going to start counseling for social anxiety and self-esteem issues for this semester, and then I’m off to England. I’m so nervous about this year, honestly. First year was loads of fun, miles better than high school, but there were a lot of problems I encountered with myself, so this year I want to take care of myself better. And the whole idea of going to another country grows more terrifying as the day goes by, but I know I won’t regret it. I just have to push myself.

All in all, I think I will be fine, and that’s as optimistic as I need to be.🙂

Katie came and visited LA this weekend, and we went to the Foster the People mural they put up in the beginning of the year to advertise their sophomore album Supermodel in Downtown LA. It was really huge and really awesome, but we probably looked like a couple of idiots taking hundred of pictures not only of it, but with it. Plus, we switched from using our iPhones, to her dSLR, and then to my polaroid, but all the judging looks we received were totally worth it.

The nominees for the 66th Primetime Emmy Awards have just been released this morning, and again, the Academy fails to break out of its comfort zone and select their nominees based on talent alone. For all the boasting they do about being “the only awards show to disregard ratings and viewership,” they certainly disappoint because it’s clearly not the case. It seems that Variety and The Hollywood Reporter, as well as the rest of us, had more faith that the Academy would select worthy candidates than we should’ve.

I’ve assembled a list of actors and shows, broken down by category, that I honestly thought would–and should–earn a nomination.

You know what, I’m just straight up sick of people raving out Breaking Bad. I’m sorry, I’m sure it’s a fantastic show, but pretentious film students have made me never want to pick it up. Ever. Like the amount of film students telling me they’re “so into television now” makes me scoff. No, it’s completely amazing how television is taken more seriously now because of shows like Breaking Bad, but honey, watching that and Game of Thrones does not make you “so into television now.” Before you go about telling me, “That’s completely stupid, it’s like saying Arctic Monkeys fans aren’t real fans because they’ve only listened to AM,” that’s not where I’m going with this. It’s that you can’t claim to “love television” if you’ve only touched the very surface of all the shows that are out there. It’s much like a person claiming to “love movies” because they’ve seen Titanic and The Notebook. I mean… I guess that’s where I went with this isn’t it? Oh shut up, I’m pretentious too, sue me.

Anyway, I’ve listed ten television shows in the mainstream (for the sake of it being easy for people to find ways to watch) that I think deserves much more love and accolades in the States than it garners at the moment. Accompanying the titles, I’ve listed websites and ways for you guys to watch! Enjoy.

To summarize quite terribly, the series focuses on Sarah Manning (Tatiana Maslany) who at the start witnesses a doppelgänger’s suicide at the train station. After assuming the jumper’s identity, she unravels an entire cloning conspiracy and shit seriously goes down. It’s a pretty light sci-fi with more commentary on the implications of cloning than spaceships and time travel or anything of that nature, so you don’t have to be a “sci-fi person.” Really, all you need to be is someone who enjoys a great cast, complex female characters, and a well-written show. And if that’s not an incentive enough already, Tatiana Maslany should be. She plays every single clone, which if you think about it, could’ve gone so wrong. But no, each clone feels like a different person, it’s scary! Honestly, she’s so good that when I’m watching, I always forget all the clones are Maslany. I can’t even explain it dude, just watch it. You won’t regret it.

The reason why I placed Orphan Black #10 is because lately, it’s been getting a lot of attention. Well-deserved attention, but I just feel that of everything I listed here, it’s not as underrated.

My rating: 8/10, but +0.5 because of Tatiana Maslany, so 8.5/10

Original Channel: Space (CA) / BBC America (US)
Catch Up With: Amazon Instant Video (S1 for Prime users), Space (S2, download Hola! to watch on this site if you aren’t in Canada)

9. Shameless (U.S.) (Comedy/Drama, TV-MA)

Adapted from the critically-acclaimed British show of the same name, Shameless is nothing like its UK counterpart. Sure, the names have some sort of similarities, and the premise of a dysfunctional broke family in the ghetto stayed, but that’s about it. Now trust me, as someone who wants to develop shows for the BBC, I’m not a fan of US taking British shows (or any shows from any other country) and making our own American version. It shows how painfully unoriginal our networks are and how scared they are to take creative risks. Also, to assume that American audiences are dumb and won’t understand any of the jokes and references is a load of piss. But for once, I’m actually all for it. I have watched a couple of episodes of Shameless UK, and it’s safe to say that the content humor will most certainly not fly here in America. The UK version really is quite… shameless. And if this is important to you, US Shameless’ production quality is much better than UK Shameless.

Shameless US is a perfect blend of comedy and drama. The humor might be a bit too… fucked up, for lack of a better term, for some people, but if black comedy is your thing, then this may be your cup of tea. It’s dirty, it’s raunchy, it’s offensive, it’s fast-paced, it’s crazy, it’s ridiculous, and even through all that, tugs at your heart strings and so, so, so addicting. There are currently four seasons, and the fifth season, to be premiered early 2015, just started shooting on the Warner Bros. lot. Your time to catch up is now!

My rating: 9/10

Original Channel: Showtime (US)
Catch Up With: Nothing official at the moment, sorry…

8. Bob’s Burgers (Animated/Comedy, TV-14)

Oh man, the amount of weird looks I get when I tell them to watch Bob’s Burgers is ungodly. I honestly don’t even know how to sell this show, because the plot of the entire series is just about Bob, his wife and kids, and his burger joint. Hilarity ensues. That’s it. And it’s so goddamn funny. It’s just… ah… it’s like… just watch it.

My rating: 7.5/10

Original Channel: Fox (US)
Catch Up With: Netflix

7. Misfits (Supernatural/Comedy/Drama, TV-MA)

If you’ve ever watched NBC’s Heroes, you might want to check this show out. Like Heroes, it’s about a group of teenagers with superpowers, but Misfits is grittier and British black comedy gold. It begins with a group of teenagers that have ran into a bit of trouble with the law, and are forced to carry out community service. During a freak storm, they are struck by lightning and all given superpowers. Some, like Kelly (Lauren Socha), can read minds. Others, like Simon (Iwan Rheon), can turn invisible. Unlike Heroes, none use their superpowers for good. More realistically, they do absolutely nothing selfless with their powers. Juvenile delinquents with superpowers. What could possibly go wrong? (Hint: A lot).

Skillfully intertwining the comedic and the tragic and emotional is no easy feat, but the UK has repeatedly shown us that it’s very possible. Misfits more than proves it.

My rating: 8/10

Original Channel: E4 (UK)
Catch Up With: Hulu, Channel 4 (you must be a UK resident to make an account, but there are ways to get around that… also download Hola!)

6. Torchwood (Sci-fi/Drama, TV-14)

Torchwood is a spin-off of UK’s darling franchise Doctor Who, and it follows a group who hunts aliens that fall through a rift in the space-time continuum in Cardiff, Wales. This series is much more popular in the UK than it is in USA, which sucks because it’s a really great show. The leading man is Captain Jack Harkness (John Barrowman), who Doctor Who fans have seen throughout the revived run of Doctor Who time and time again. He’s that sexy charming American conman who can’t age or die and flirts heavily with anything that moves regardless of their gender. It’s all of the aliens and sci-fi goodness that you loved in Doctor Who, but instead of whimsy Torchwood kicks up the emotional turmoil and leaves us with nothing but heartbreak in the end. Basically, Torchwood is the “mature” version of DoctorWho, chockfull of sex, profanity, drama, and bisexual encounters.

Doctor Who not your thing? That’s cool, it’s actually not mine either. I stopped somewhere in season two with David Tenant. It was too silly for me. But I thoroughly enjoyed Torchwood with every bit of my heart, so don’t let the fact that it’s a Doctor Who spinoff put you off. Don’t compare and just watch it for what it is.

And whatever you do, don’t watch “Miracle Day.” Fuck, I’ll say it again and I’ll keep saying it. DON’T WATCH “MIRACLE DAY.” In fact, you can stop after season 3. If you choose to carry on and watch “Children of Earth,” fine. Go for it. Peter Capaldi’s in it. But under no circumstance should you ever, ever watch “Miracle Day.” You’ll thank me.

My rating: 8/10 (excluding “Miracle Day”)

Original Channel: BBC One, Two, and Three (UK) / BBC America, and Starz only for “Miracle Day,” but we don’t talk about that (US)
Catch Up With: Amazon Instant Video (on Prime), Netflix

5. Pushing Daisies (Fantasy/Comedy/Drama, TV-14)

Bryan Fuller is the fucking god of television writing. He can write sci-fi (Star Trek: DS9 and Voyager), he can write thriller (NBC’s Hannibal), he can write dark comedy (Dead Like Me), and then there’s this: Pushing Daisies. This much-too short-lived series follows Ned (Lee Pace), a necromantic pie-maker, who, with his detective friend Emerson Cod (Chi McBride), revive the dead to solve their deaths and in turn get the reward money. The catch? Once the corpse is reanimated, Ned cannot touch them or else they go back to being dead, and if the corpse is revived for too long, somebody random in close proximity falls dead. Yes, you heard that right. And it’s as fantastical and crazy as it sounds. When Ned revives Charlotte “Chuck” Charles, his childhood love, he can’t find it in himself to unanimate (is that a word?) her.

Now let’s talk about the set, because holy WOW! This series is set in a fantasy world where everything is highly saturated in color, bright, and hyperbolized, almost like the world was taken out of a storybook. It’s full of cute romance, hilarious one-liners, and ridiculousness, because face it, the entire premise is ridiculous–in the best possible way. Damn you, ’07-’08 writer’s strike! We need a season three.

I already wrote about this, but I don’t even give a shit because this show is my heart and soul. It’s basically a zombie drama done so well that I hate that it has to share the category with other zombie TV shows. Not that I hate zombies or anything (because who could hate zombies?!), but damn have zombies been overused! In the Flesh is such a refreshing addition to the zombie genre that I absolutely need more people to know about it for the sake of my sanity. Unlike others in its genre, it’s character-centric and more of a drama series than anything else.

Just to reiterate the important points from my earlier post, this show takes place in the small Lancashire village Roarton after the undead rising. Those who had risen were taken into government treatment facilities, given proper medication, and are now reintegrating back into society with the living. And of course, the living are outraged! The mini-series follows young Kieren Walker (Luke Newberry), who came back as a zombie after committing suicide following the death of his best friend Rick in battle. This show has strong writing, great believable acting, porn for cinematography lovers, and most of all: representation.

What do I mean by representation? Well, the most obvious is the message told through the series. The zombies are an allegory for any minority group in society: queers, POCs, etc. But also, Kieren is bisexual/pansexual. I’m about to spoil something very minor, but if you truly don’t want to be spoiled, just skip to the **** okay? I’m warning you… Okay, here it goes. We find out that Rick is not only Kieren’s best friend, but also is Kieren’s love. Rick was sent off into war by his father when he found out that Kieren and Rick were more than friends, and so Kieren, unable to bear with the fact Rick had been killed in action, offed himself. Nothing revolutionary, you say? Au contraire. Everything is told through contextual information. Nobody had to state that Kieren and Rick were more than friends. Nobody had to call him out on being with a guy. It was all inferred. It was so normalized, like heterosexual relationships, and it was great. **** Overall, Kieren’s sexuality and whatever relationships he pursues aren’t front and center in any shape or form. Have you ever loved a show, and then lost interest when it seemed that the main plotline was just relationship drama that nobody gives a shit about? I have. That’s when you know a writer has run out of ideas.

I’m sorry, this was so long, but I tend to go off like that when I talk about this show. All I have to say is, screw The Walking Dead, man! It’s all about In the Flesh.

My rating: 8.5/10

Original Channel: BBC Three (UK), BBC America (US), Space (CA)
Catch Up With: Space (download Hola! to watch on this site if you aren’t in Canada)

3. My Mad Fat Diary (Drama, TV-14)

Truth be told, I don’t even have words to express how important this show is to me. As someone who’s dealt with self-esteem issues and body image problems, as well as had somebody in life with suicidal tendencies, this show means so much.

Set in 1990’s Stamford, Lancashire, the series follows an overweight Rae Earl (Sharon Rooney) after she’s released from the psychiatric hospital, and the rekindling of her friendship with Chloe (Jodie Comer), who is completely unaware of Rae’s problems. Rae readjusts to her life outside of the hospital, and befriends those in Chloe’s social circle.

The premise is quite simple, but the resounding impact is seriously on another fucking level. Not only is the music amazing (so much Oasis and Weezer!!!) and fashion to die for, but also it’s so real. I’ve never watched a show where I could relate to a protagonist to such an extent. All the insecurities and situations she faced felt so familiar, and you’d think that it would be depressing to watch, but it’s one of the most empowering shows I’ve ever watched in my entire life. My Mad Fat Diary is the biggest “fuck-you” to the world. It’s the “fat chick” getting the hot guy. It’s the pretty girl with complexities and insecurities. It’s that personality and the honest goodness of your heart beats beauty. It’s that vulnerability is in everyone: whether you’re tall, short, skinny, big, etc. Watch this fucking show, okay?

My rating: 9/10

Original Channel: E4 (UK)
Catch Up With: Channel 4 (you must be a UK resident to make an account, but there are ways to get around that… also download Hola!)

2. Bomb Girls (Period/Drama, TV-14)

Bomb Girls is a Canadian period drama set during World War II in a munitions factory. The series follows female factory workers, focusing on four protagonists: Gladys (Jodi Balfour), Lorna (Meg Tilly), Betty (Ali Liebert), and Kate (Charlotte Hegele).

Good writing, solid acting, extremely well written female characters, and Canadian?! Who knew that Canada made good television? (That was a joke)

The fact that HBO is making a US adaptation of Utopia with David Fincher makes me really mad, and I fucking love David Fincher. See, this is what I mean by UNNECESSARY AMERICAN REMAKES. Come on, America! Use your fucking brains and think of original material, yeah?

Anyway, the general plot of this show follows a group of people in possession of a manuscript of a cult graphic novel called the Utopia Experiments, which is rumored to have predicted horrifying events in the past. An organization called “The Network” will practically do anything to get their hands on the manuscripts, so in addition to finding out the secrets of the manuscript, our lovely group of protagonists are forced to run and evade The Network.

First off, holy cinematography. It’s unreal and breathtaking, unlike any cine work I’ve ever seen. Yes, even Fincher films can’t even compare. Second, hello sound design! Definitely adds to the creepy and thrilling factor to this show. Any technical buff would get a nice kick out of this show. Third, the writing is spot-on. With such a complex plot, writing quality is imperative or else writers easily risk losing their audience in the dark. The only thing I’d say is that if you’re into fast-paced stories, this may not be for you. This show is very dark and heavy, but that shouldn’t prevent you from trying either. I’m very picky when it comes to heavy dramas, and I rarely do slow-paced, but I do make an exception for this and True Detective.

My rating: 8.5/10

Original Channel: Channel 4 (UK)
Catch Up with: Channel 4 (you must be a UK resident to make an account, but there are ways to get around that… also download Hola!)

Well, happy watching folks! Don’t forget to take breaks every couple of hours, and stay safe my friends. Because watching TV is dangerous????

I’ll be honest, I start shows like nobody’s business, but most of the shows fail to capture my complete and undivided attention. Thus, I rarely follow through a show’s entirety. But I just started BBC’s BAFTA-award winning miniseries In the Flesh, and damn. This is why that despite all the shitty British television in existence, I want to have a career in British entertainment.

THE PREMISE

It’s a zombie show. But before you roll your eyes, it’s not your typical apocalyptic zombie invasion type of show. In the Flesh instead shows the aftermath of the rising. Those rabid, people-mauling zombies, or “PDS (Partially Dead Syndrome) sufferers, who rose from their graves were placed into treatment centers to be “cured” and be prepared to integrate back into society.

But it goes beyond zombies and fear and raaaahr!!! It blends entertainment with social commentary by pitting the living against the undead. Both parties have extremists and both parties have those who accept each other. Which brings me to another thing that makes this show different from other zombie shows: the level of gore and violence. In the Flesh isn’t about people shooting zombies in the head, or survival, or whatever else. I mean, there are some graphic scenes of zombies eating people’s brains and shit, but they’re pretty sparse throughout the series thus far, so those who are unable to handle the amount of gore in The Walking Dead can easily handle this. Long story short, In the Flesh takes the highly beloved and popular zombie apocalypse genre and turns it in something slightly more thought-provoking.

Also something about prophecies, and the First Undead, and… you know what, you can find out for yourself.

THE CHARACTERS

Okay, there are a lot of characters in this show, and it’s kind of confusing at times. Hell, I can’t tell you, like, 1/3 of the characters’ names or why they even exist to begin with. But Dominic Mitchell, the creator, did a really terrific job with creating complexities and realism to the protagonists of the series. I won’t go so far into this, because there’s not really much to say but to tell you to watch it and see.

THE PROTAGONIST’S LOVE INTEREST(S)

Kieren Walker likes dudes. Well, technically he’s bisexual or pansexual, according to Mitchell, but whatever. Okay, now that you’ve sufficiently passed out from shock (!!!) and woke up again, let’s get on with this.

This point has nothing to do with his sexuality though. Okay partially, but not because Kieren’s queer. It’s the way Mitchell and writers handled his sexual orientation. He has no struggles with liking men, there are no plots centered around him being gay, it’s not even verbally said by him or any other characters that he likes men. The audience found out through contextual information. The way In the Flesh depicts Kieren’s sexuality is so blasé and normal, like any heterosexual person is portrayed. And that’s one amazing fucking thing that American television can never get right.

But more importantly, I fucking hate it when shows bring in love stories. Unless I’m watching a fucking soap drama, I don’t care about their romance. Like yeah, okay, sometimes relationships are cute, but if I’m watching a show about teenage werewolves fighting evil (I’m looking at you Teen Wolf…), GIVE ME HAIRY WEREWOLF’D OUT TEENAGERS!! I give zero shits about you and your girl fucking problems. If I’m watching a show about two lawyers with such intense bromance that I question their sexualities sometime (Suits anybody?), GIVE ME THOSE TWO LAWYERS JOINING FORCES AND CONQUERING ASSHOLES IN COURT. Your on-and-off relationship/booty call/whatever the fuck she is shouldn’t be taking center stage. And sadly, it’s so common for shows to do that, to just bring up relationships and make everything about them. And that’s where In the Flesh gets it right for me. It’s the fact that despite giving Kieren love interests, In the Flesh is almost nothing about Kieren and his love life. He’s a fucking zombie, for Christ’s sake! The least of his worries is finding a dick to hop on.

LUKE NEWBERRY

The man who plays protagonist Kieren Walker. He himself is a reason. Why? Because he’s fucking adorable, and he has eyes like a bush baby.

See?? Can’t even tell who’s who.

IN CONCLUSION, I rate this show a 8.5/10.

Series 1 consists of three hour-long episodes. Series 2 just aired it’s fifth episode on 6/1/14, and the finale is next Monday. I’d also like to note that all of series 2’s episodes are available to stream on the BBC website.

Happy watching!

((BBC should definitely pay me and then hire me for this by the way.))

I have a lot of issues with myself, but I think the one that rises above the rest is definitely body image.

Surprisingly, I was thinking of telling my crush that I liked him today, thinking I had nothing to lose and that I was too tired of this secrecy thing. But I literally looked in the mirror, laughed, and went, “No.” It happened so fast, but one second, I was determined. Then the next, bad thoughts.

I just remember thinking “why would he even like me?” I’m not fit, I’m not pretty, I’m kind of awkward in social situations, and I’m just overall not good enough. Why would a guy like him even remotely be interested in a girl like me? That he can get girls ten times prettier and ten times funnier and outgoing than I am. Look at Chapman girls in general. That going for me is like settling to the max.

It was just surprising because I thought I’d gotten past that. And trust me, I’m not looking for people to tell me how pretty I am or tell me how great of a person I am. That literally doesn’t mean anything to me, so it’s not cry for attention. I don’t know, I can’t talk to anyone about this because people just misunderstand me.

Singing and music has always been such a huge part of my life ever since I was young. Seeing Men of Harmony perform tonight kind of reminded me of my love for singing and music. I mean, if you ask me which I like more, I will always choose music over film. Always. Movies/TV are forms of entertainment that I highly, highly enjoy, but music speaks to me. Music is so important to me, beyond entertainment value. It’s almost like a refuge when shit hits the fan. It’s the one thing that is constant, and safe, and makes me feel good, when everything else is a mess.

But then I think of all the exciting things that I would get to do as a development executive. Develop new shows or current programming, listening to pitches, determining the content that the public will get to enjoy. Help creating something that will bring joy and fascination to everybody in the comfort of their home. Then I remember why I want to do this.

Music will always be important to me, but it doesn’t mean I can’t have more than one passion, and it doesn’t mean my number one passion has to be a career. Sometimes, leaving your passion as a hobby is actually better. Who knows, if I went into the music industry, I might begin harboring negative feelings and destroy my ability to truly enjoy music.

No, I’m more than okay. The past few weeks have been especially emotionally turbulent and I’m happy to say it’s all smooth gliding for now.

I’ve locked down an internship and a job for this summer.

Actually, Starz literally called me today to call me in for an interview next Wednesday, and if they happen to want me, that will be my biggest dilemma I have to face. Which is actually a pretty huge dilemma because I have serious choices to make.

I’m seeing my best friend back home in three weeks, and then seeing Foster the People with her. And then Outside Lands in August. I got good vibes about you, summer. (✿◠‿◠)