Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, December 31
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Man says he was shot 12 times while trying to prove
'theory' that not all cops are brutal in California
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 31 in
1687 The first Huguenots set sail from France for the Cape
of Good Hope, where they would later create the South
African wine industry with the vines they took with them
on the voyage.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us.
Pigs treat us as equals.
--- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
An idealist is a person who helps other people to be
prosperous.
--- Henry Ford (1863 - 1947)
Millions long for immortality who don't know what to
do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
--- Susan Ertz
Hindsight is an exact science,
except when it comes to autobiographies.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
What do you get when you cross an insomniac,
an agnostic and a dyslexic?
Someone who stays up all night wondering
if there really is a dog!
______________________________________________________
A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted
the attention of the sociologists at the state university.
They wrote a grant proposal; got a huge chunk of money;
hired a few additional sociologists, an anthropologist,
and a family planning and birth control specialist;
moved to town; rented offices; set up their computers;
got squared away; and began designing their
questionnaires and such.
While the staff was busy getting ready for their big
research effort, the project director decided to go
to the local truck stop for a cup of coffee. He sat
down at the counter, ordered his coffee, and while
he was drinking it, he told the waitress what his
purpose was in town, then asked her if she had any
idea why the birth rate was so high.
"Sure," said the waitress. "Every morning the six
o'clock train comes through here and blows it's big
horns for the crossing. It wakes everybody up, and,
well, it's too late to go back to sleep,
and it's too early to get up."
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Walter, the Stonecarver, for this picture:
______________________________________________________

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the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
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______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Jose Vaca,
29,
Bakersfield,
California
Man says he was shot 12 times while trying to prove
'theory' that not all cops are brutal in California
A man who was shot by police last week after being pulled
over says he wanted to prove to his friend that police
officers are good people.
Last Monday, 29-year-old Jose Vaca was pulled over while
driving with a friend. He got out of the car holding a
rifle, which he’d purchased at a flea market and was not
legally allowed to have.
"I exit my vehicle, I come to the front of the police
vehicle, I put my butt of the rifle on the floor and I
just put my hand up,” Vaca said.
The weapon startled the police officers, who opened fire
without warning, according to Vaca.
"Soon as I hit the ground, I just attempted to play dead,
and then they fired a couple more shots at me from the
back as I was lying on the ground,” he said.
Vaca says he never planned to shoot the officers. Instead,
he thought this would be an opportunity to prove a point
he’d made to a friend months ago about police brutality.
"First thing that came to my mind is I'm already going to
get pulled over. I know they're most likely going to take
me in, but I’m going to try my theory real quick and see
that it's true so she can believe there’s good officers in
the world,” he said.
Vaca says he was shot 12 times, with three of the bullets
passing completely through his body; though the police
report says only nine shots were fired. The man says it’s
a “blessing” he’s alive.
Looking back, Vaca considers his experiment ill-conceived
because it went “completely bad.” However, the man says he
still believes there are good police officers in the
world.
"They didn't know what to expect,” he said.
Vaca is currently being held on $400,000 bail, booked on
11 different criminal counts.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Helen
Re: scvhost problem
Dear Webby,
I just noticed this week that 50% of my cpu is
constantly being used by Microsoft scvhost( netsvcs) and
LocalServiceAndNoImpersonation. I looked online but the
answers I saw were very confusing. Is there a way to fix
this?
Thank you,
Helen
Dear Helen
Microsoft does not know. They don't have a usable answer.
This is the best answer I found on the net:
i had this problem. And turned out to be from the Team
Viewer v6.
i made the team viewer service on manual start from the
services assistant (type in start->run "services" and it
will open this assistant) and the problem is solved :). It
seams that team view version 6 and windows 7 x64 ultimate
are not working to well together :( if you need team
viewer install version above 6 and cpu will stay come and
the system will run great :)good luck
Apparently it is just a W7 bug. I can also be set off by
Media Center, and by a call for a Nvidia update.
Just change them all to manual start.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new
teacher, finished the day's lesson. It was now time
for the usual question period.
"Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's
somethin' I can't figger out."
"What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt.
"Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel
crossed the Red Sea, right?"
"Right."
"An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines,
right?"
"Er--right."
"An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians, an' the
Children of Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of
Israel wuz always getting in trouble somewhere, right?"
"Er, yes, you could say that," agreed Goldblatt. "So
what's your question?"
"What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What wuz all
the grown-ups doin"?

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

____________________________________________________
From a dozen years ago:
POSTED: 8:48 am EST December 31, 2004
YORK, Pa. -- A Pennsylvania man is behind bars after a
wild chase that ended up in the parking lot of a county
prison.
Thirty-seven-year-old Robert Sparks of Mechanicsburg is
charged with a slew of crimes, including driving under the
influence, driving with a suspended license, aggravated
assault, simple assault, recklessly endangering another
person, fleeing from police, hit-and-run, resisting arrest
and escape.
According to police in York, Pa., an officer started
following Sparks after seeing him spinning the tires of
his pickup. Several infractions later, the officer pulled
him over. But police say the suspect sped off.
Another officer who caught up with him, grabbed the
tailgate and hopped aboard as the pickup drove off yet
again. The officer smashed out the glass but still
couldn't stop the driver, finally climbing off when the
pickup hit a cruiser before speeding off again.
The chase ended in the parking lot of the York County
prison.
Nobody was hurt, but police cars were smashed up, and
much fun was had by all.
____________________________________________________

Stunning charcoal drawings on paper.

Our Universe - Galaxies
It is almost impossible for the human mind to comprehend
such size and distance. And yet, our galaxy is just the
beginning of what is in outer space! There is something
even more staggering.
It is this: So many galaxies have now been detected that
it has been said they "are as common as blades of grass in
a meadow."
About ten billion galaxies are in the observable universe!
But there are many more beyond the range of today's
telescopes.
Some astronomers estimate that there are 100 billion
galaxies in the universe! And each galaxy may contain
hundreds of billions of stars!
Your eyes glaze over reading that, but most people have no
problem believing it.
However, have you ever met anybody who believes a sign
that says "Caution! Wet paint." and did not have to check
it with their fingers ?

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 31
1687 The first Huguenots set sail from France for the Cape
of Good Hope, where they would later create the South
African wine industry with the vines they took with them
on the voyage.
1695 The window tax was imposed in Britain, which resulted
in many windows being bricked up.
1775 The British repulsed an attack by Continental Army
generals Richard Montgomery and Benedict Arnold at Quebec.
Montgomery was killed in the battle.
1841 The State of Alabama enacted the first dental
legislation in the U.S.
1857 Britain's Queen Victoria decided to make Ottawa the
capital of Canada.
1879 Thomas Edison gave his first public demonstration of
incandescent lighting to an audience in Menlo Park, NJ.
1891 New York's new Immigration Depot was opened at Ellis
Island, to provide improved facilities for the massive
numbers of arrivals.
1923 In London, the BBC first broadcast the chimes of Big
Ben.
1929 Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians played "Auld
Lang Syne" as a New Year's Eve song for the first time.
1955 General Motors became the first U.S. corporation to
earn more than one billion dollars in a single year.
1960 The farthing coin, which had been in use in Great
Britain since the 13th century, ceased to be legal tender.
1961 In the U.S., the Marshall Plan expired after
distributing more than $12 billion in foreign aid.
1974 Private U.S. citizens were allowed to buy and own
gold for the first time in more than 40 years.
1978 Taiwanese diplomats struck their colors for the final
time from the embassy flagpole in Washington, DC. The
event marked the end of diplomatic relations with the U.S.
1979 At year end oil prices were 88% higher than at the
start of 1979.
1986 A fire at the Dupont Plaza Hotel in San Juan, Puerto
Rico, killed 97 and injured 140 people. Three hotel
workers later pled guilty to charges in connection with
the fire.
1996 NCR Corp. became an independent company.
1997 Michael Kennedy, 39-year-old son of the late U.S.
Sen. Robert F. Kennedy, was killed in a skiing accident on
Aspen Mountain in Colorado.
1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin resigned. Prime
Minister Vladimir Putin was designated acting president.
1999 Five hijackers left the airport where they had been
holding 150 hostages on an Indian Airlines plane. They
left with two Islamic clerics that they had demanded be
freed from an Indian prison. The plane had been hijacked
during a flight from Katmandu, Nepal to New Dehli on
December 24.
1999 Sarah Knauss died at the age of 119 years. She was
the world's oldest person. She was born September 24,
1880.
2004 In Taiwan, the Taipei 101 skyscraper opened to the
public.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, December 30
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Floriduh robber charged in death of two men within 4 days
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 30 in
1853 The United States bought about 45,000 square miles of
land from Mexico in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
"Progress is made by lazy men looking for
an easier way to do things."
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Bill:
I tried this with my wife and it backfired...
I guess it's only true with men...
Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a
problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you
again" might sound like a challenge.
If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying,
"I love you...
I want to marry you...
I want to have lots of children with you."
Sometimes they leave skid marks.
______________________________________________________
Father teaching his daughter to drive:
"Stop on red,
go on green, and
slow down when I turn purple."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Julian Bird,
26,
Lake Wales,
Floriduh
Floriduh robber charged in death of two men within 4 days
Winter Haven Police said Julian Bird, 26, was arrested and
charged on Dec. 24 with first-degree murder in the death of a
Lake Wales gas station owner, Mohammad Alam. Police said
Bird
killed Alam in October of this year.
Bird is currently in the Polk County jail and has received
another charge for the shooting death of Jimmie Rogers, Jr.
on November 18.
Police said Bird and two others attempted to rob Rogers at
his apartment complex. As Rogers pulled into the parking lot
of the complex, police said Bird confronted the victim and
fired into the car, causing Rogers' foot to come off of the
brake and sending the vehicle rolling into the back of an
apartment.
Rogers died at the scene.
Bird is charged with first-degree murder and attempted armed
robbery.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Jim
Re: Can't send SMS
Dear Webby,
For a long time, I could send a text to my daughter's (or
other folks) phone. I still us the old flip phone and don't
want to text more than a word or 2 from there.
About 3 weeks ago, the text to the other persons phone never
arrived. I have played with sending to my phone. Yahoo
works, G mail works, and the roadrunner program also works.
When I send from Eudora, I never makes it to my phone.
Could I have changed a setting for the "out" mail that would
prevent the mail from going?
thanks again
Jim
Dear Jim
Well,your Eudora gets the mail out.
Roadrunner apparently won't send it to phones without extra
money.
Just use Skype.
My rotary phone won't send SMS messages, so I just send them
via Skype to their silly Pokemon Chaser.
Fast and easy. Worldwide.
I rarely send more than "Hey! Get your lazy butt online and
onto Skype!"
Once they are on Skype, we can video or text back and forth.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Bill doesn't see the sense of increasing horsepower
and top speed in the new cars with traffic the way it
is. The other week on his way home on the Interstate
highway, he had to leave the car twice to make
payments.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comBurnt Sugar in a Stainless Steel Pot
I tried all of the above with mixed results. This one works
like magic:
Remove the loose burnt sugar, then cover the burnt sugar
layer with hydrogen peroxide solution sold at all drugstores.
Soak for a day or two with the lid on and the burnt on layer
will lift right off. Amazing!
By Tom

dogs experience snow for first time

____________________________________________________
On her first day the new kindergarten teacher said,
"If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two
fingers."
A little voice from the back of the room asked,
"How is THAT gonna help?"
____________________________________________________

Our beautiful planet earth.

A completely inebriated lady was stumbling down the
street with one foot on the sidewalk and one foot in
the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take
you in, ma'am. You're obviously drunk."
The wasted lady asked, "Ociffer, are ya
abscholutely schure I'm dwunk?"
Yes, ma'am, I'm sure. Otherwise you wouldn't walk
with one foot on the sidewalk and one on the street."
said the copper. "Come on, let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, she said,
"Thank goodnesch, I schought I had loscht the heel off a one
of my new schoes."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 30
1460 At the Battle of Wakefield, in England's Wars of the
Roses, the Duke of York was defeated and killed by the
Lancastrians.
1853 The United States bought about 45,000 square miles of
land from Mexico in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase.
1879 Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirates of Penzance" was
first performed, at Paignton, Devon, England.
1880 The Transvaal was declared a republic. Paul Kruger
became its first president.
1887 A petition to Queen Victoria with over one million names
of women appealing for public houses to be closed on Sundays
was handed to the home secretary.
1903 About 600 people died when fire broke out at the
Iroquois Theater in Chicago, IL.
1919 Lincoln's Inn, in London, admitted the first female bar
student.
1922 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) was
formed.
1924 Edwin Hubble announced the existence of other galactic
systems.
1927 The first subway in the Orient was dedicated in Tokyo,
Japan.
1935 Italian bombers destroyed a Sweedish Red Cross unit in
Ethiopia.
1936 The United Auto Workers union staged its first sit-down
strike, at the Fisher Body Plant in Flint, MI.
1940 California's first freeway was officially opened. It was
the Arroyo Seco Parkway connecting Los Angeles and Pasadena.
1942 "Mr. and Mrs. North" debuted on NBC radio.
1944 King George II of Greece proclaimed a regency to rule
his country, virtually renouncing the throne.
1947 King Michael of Romania abdicated in favor of a
Communist Republic. He claimed he was forced from his throne.
1948 "Kiss Me Kate" opened at the New Century Theatre in New
York City. Cole Porter composed the music for the classic
play that ran for 1,077 performances.
1953 The first color TV sets went on sale for about $1,175.
1972 The United States halted its heavy bombing of North
Vietnam.
1976 The Smothers Brothers, Tom and Dick, played their last
show at the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas and retired as a team
from show business. Both continued as solo artists and they
reunited several years later.
1993 Israel and the Vatican established diplomatic relations.
1996 A passenger train was bombed by Bodo separatists in
India's eastern state of Assam. At least 26 people were
killed and dozens were seriously injured.
1996 About 250,000 striking workers shut down vital services
across Israel in protests against budget cuts proposed by
Prime Minister Netanyahu.
1997 More than 400 people were massacred in four villages in
the single worst incident during Algeria's insurgency.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, December 29
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman stole hundreds of toys from Toys for Tots
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 28 in
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
--- Elbert Hubbard
Children seldom misquote you.
In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you
shouldn't have said while they were around.
---Socratex
People will buy anything that is one to a customer.
--- Sinclair Lewis
Of course the game is rigged.
Don't let that stop you--
if you don't play, you can't win.
--- Robert Heinlein
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a
check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and
tell me what's wrong."
"Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor,
"Do you drink much?"
"Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler.
Never touch a drop."
"How about smoking?" asked the doctor.
"Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have
strong principles against it."
"Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much of a
sex life?"
"Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by
10:30 every night and I always have been."
The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked,
"Well, do you have pains in your head?"
"Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head."
"O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble.
Your halo is on too tight!!"
______________________________________________________
Dad gives some advice to his son before his first real date.
"Son, when you pick up your date later, make sure you have
some flowers or chocolates to give her. Girls go crazy over
that stuff. The more you give, the more you get! It's an
exchange thing."
So, the son showed up for his date with flowers.
She was very flattered and pleased, and she rewarded him
with a long, passionate kiss. She pressed her chest against
him and rubbed her fingers through his hair,.... hoping to
give him the best kiss that he had ever received.
After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door.
"Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to scare you
away."
"You didn't!" he replied. "I'll be right back. There are
still TONS of flowers at the cemetery a couple of blocks
south of here."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Derek Edwards,
26,
Iowa City,
Iowa
Drunk Driver arrested in festive Christmas sweater
The 26-year-old Iowan’s holiday spirit appears to have sagged
early Sunday after he was arrested for drunk driving.
Following a minor accident, Edwards was found by cops at the
wheel of his 2016 Chevrolet Malibu.
Edwards, an Iowa City resident, smelled of booze, had
bloodshot eyes, and impaired speech, according to a police
report. A subsequent Breathalyzer test recorded his blood
alcohol content at nearly three times the legal limit.
As seen above, the teary Edwards was wearing a festive
Christmas sweater when he posed for his mug shot.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Art
Re: Flash with digital cameras
Dear Webby,
You sound like you rally hate flash. Other than for mug-
shots of crooks and mother-in-laws, is there ANY time you
would use flash, or do you simply NEVER use it?
Art
Dear Art!
There are some exception: Falling snow, smoke, fog.
If you want falling snow to show up, use flash.
Spiderwebs, especially if they have some dew on them,
look gorgeous with flash.
The same goes for Halloween pictures. You can nicely
enhance them with some smoke. The flash brings out
the smoke like a fairly bright ghost. The closer to the
camera, the brighter the ghost will be. Cigarette smoke
blown up into the path of the flash works great!
Sand storms also can be enhanced nicely with flash.
However, keep in mind to NEVER shoot against a sand
storm unless you have a cheap UV filter in front of the
camera lens. A sandstorm will wreck the coating on the
camera lens. Also, avoid shooting downwind. If possible
shoot at a right angle to the storm and use the anti-red-eye
pre-flash.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
The flowers joke of course reminds me of this one:
That of course reminds me of this one:
A man and a woman walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive
furrier. "Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow
exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in back and
comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat.
As the lady tries it on, the furrier goes up to the guy and
discreetly whispers, "Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for
$65,000."
"No problem! I'll write you a check!"
"Very good, sir," says the shop owner. "Today is
Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up,
after the check has cleared."
So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow
returns.
The store owner is outraged: "How dare you show your
face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your
checking account!!"
"I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for
the most wonderful weekend of my life!"

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comStoring Holiday Decorations
Whenever I store something I always mark the contents on
the outside of the box with a large permanent markers. For
Christmas decorations I also tape a piece of wrapping paper
to each box so I can clearly see which boxes contain
Christmas items the following year.
By Robin

To Be or Not to Be - special guest

____________________________________________________
A minister was asked to inform a man with a heart condition
that he had just inherited a million dollars. Everyone was
afraid the shock would give him a heart attack.
So the minister went to the man's house and said, "Joe, what
would you do if you inherited a million dollars?"
And Joe said, "Well, pastor, I think I would give half of
it to the church."
At which the pastor fell over dead.
____________________________________________________

Our beautiful planet earth.

While downtown at a government office, a voice on the
office loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the
speaker system to make sure it will work properly in case
of emergency."
My confidence in this safety precaution faded when the
voice added: "If you are unable to hear this announcement,
please contact Building Maintenance."
At that point all the workers, who were not on the phone
already, picked up a phone and started complaining to
Building Maintenance.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 29
1170 St. Thomas à Becket, the 40th archbishop of Canterbury,
was murdered in his own cathedral by four knights acting on
Henry II's orders.
1812 The USS Constitution won a battle with the British ship
HMS Java about 30 miles off the coast of Brazil. Before
Commodore William Bainbridge ordered the sinking of the Java
he had her wheel removed to replace the one the Constitution
had lost during the battle.
1813 The British burned Buffalo, NY, during the War of 1812.
1837 Canadian militiamen destroyed the Caroline, a U.S.
steamboat docked at Buffalo, NY.
1848 U.S. President James Polk turned on the first gas light
at the White House.
1851 The first American YMCA was organized, in Boston, MA.
1860 The HMS Warrior, Britain's first seagoing iron-hulled
warship, was launched.
1890 The U.S. Seventh Cavalry massacred over 400 men, women
and children at Wounded Knee Creek, SD. This was the last
major conflict between Indians and U.S. troops.
1895 The Jameson Raid from Mafikeng into Transvaal, which
attempted to overthrow Kruger's Boer government, started.
1911 Sun Yat-sen became the first president of a republican
China.
1913 "The Unwelcome Throne" was released by Selig’s Polyscope
Company. This was a moving picture and the first serial
motion picture.
1934 The first regular-season college basketball game was
played at Madison Square Garden in New York City. New York
University defeated Notre Dame 25-18.
1934 Japan renounced the Washington Naval Treaty of 1922 and
the London Naval Treaty of 1930.
1940 During World War II, Germany began dropping incendiary
bombs on London.
1945 The mystery voice of Mr. Hush was heard for the first
time on the radio show, "Truth or Consequences", hosted by
Ralph Edwards.
1945 Sheb Wooley recorded the first commercial record made in
Nashville, TN.
1949 KC2XAK of Bridgeport, Connecticut became the first
ultrahigh frequency (UHF) television station to begin
operating on a regular daily schedule.
1952 The first transistorized hearing aid was offered for
sale by Sonotone Corporation.
1975 A bomb exploded in the main terminal of New York's
LaGuardia Airport. 11 people were killed.
1985 Phil Donahue and a Soviet radio commentator hosted the
"Citizens’ Summit" via satellite TV.
1986 The Biltmore Hotel in Coral Gables, FL, reopened for
business after eighteen years and $47 million expended on
restoration.
1989 Following Hong Kong's decision to forcibly repatriate
some Vietnamese refugees, thousands of Vietnamese 'boat
people' battled with riot police.
1989 Vaclav Havel was elected president of Czechoslovakia by
the country's Federal Assembly. He was the first non-
Communist to hold the position in more than four decades.
1996 The Guatemalan government and leaders of the leftist
Guatemalan National Revolutionary Union signed a peace accord
in Guatemala City, ending a civil war that had lasted 36
years.
1997 Hong Kong began killing 1.25 million chickens, the
entire population, for fear of the spread of 'bird flu.'
1998 Khmer Rouge leaders apologized for the 1970s genocide in
Cambodia that claimed 1 million lives.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, December 29
Thank you, Bonnie!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman stole hundreds of toys from Toys for Tots
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 28 in
1836 Mexico's independence was recognized by Spain.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
"At the end of the game the king and the pawn
go back in the same box."
--- Italian Proverb
"He who seeks a friend without fault remains without."
--- Old Turkish Proverb
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
This year's best CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS
Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess Walters will be
giving a talk on marriage.
There will not be any Women Worth Watching this week.
Child care provided with reservations.
I was hungry and you gave me something to eat;
I was thirty and you gave me something to drink.
The visiting monster today is Rev. Jack Bains.
The Boars of Trustees will be meeting Tuesday night at 8PM
The activity will take place on the church barking lot.
______________________________________________________
The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled
out of the town tavern.
"Paddy," he said, " I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in
Heaven one day."
"Really, Father?" slurred Paddy.
"Why? What have ya done now?"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Tammy Strickland,
38,
Eagle Lake,
Floriduh
Florida woman stole hundreds of toys from Toys for Tots
Tammy Strickland is facing charges of grand theft, 28
counts of providing false statement to obtain property,
obtaining property by fraud and 164 counts of possessing
counterfeit / fictitious identification.
A 38-year-old Eagle Lake woman is facing serious charges
after deputies said she illegally attempted to collect more
than 100 toys from Toys for Tots.
According to the Polk County Sheriff's Office, Tammy
Strickland used 140 fictitious children’s names and 28
fictitious adult names on falsified “Toys for Tots”
applications.
Strickland then picked up the toys and loaded them into a
trailer Monday at the the Toys for Tots warehouse.
She is facing charges of grand theft, 28 counts of
providing false statement to obtain property, obtaining
property by fraud and 164 counts of possessing counterfeit
/fictitious identification.
"Children in need. ‘Toys for Tots.’ These things are
synonymous with Christmas," Polk Sheriff Grady Judd said.
"Sadly, in this case, so is The Grinch.
"Tammy Strickland spent a long time filling out fraudulent
applications for nonexistent children to receive toys. Now
she’ll be spending a lot of time in jail."
Strickland is also facing 84 additional felony charges and
13 additional misdemeanor charges for providing a false
statement. The 84 new charges relate to 13 fraudulent Toys
for Tots applications she submitted to the organization in
2015.
Detectives determined that 13 of the 15 applications she
submitted in 2015 were for fake children and families -- 13
fictitious adults and 69 fictitious children.
The previous charges were for the fake applications she
submitted in 2016. Strickland is now facing a total of 248
felonies and 41 misdemeanors.
Authorities said they first received a tip last month about
Strickland.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Roland
Re: Second monitor
Dear Webby,
My wife visited me at work and got all excited about the
dual monitor setup here. Copying data from one spreadsheet
on one monitor to another spreadsheet on the other was
quite impressive to her, but when we were talking and the
screensaver (Mystique) came on, and the olorful flares
wafted smoothly from monitor to the other, she lost it and
was hooting.
Well, to make a long story short, on her way home she did
some shopping at Costco, and also bought a second monitor
and even a cable for it. By the time I got home, she had
unpacked it, made room on her desk, WOW!, and connected it.
However, it just showed the lame blue Windows background.
She ahs Windows 7, set to Classical background.
I didn't set my dual monitors up at work. The IT guy does
stuff like that after our working hours. How do I get
Windows to use both monitors?
Roland
Dear Roland
Lame Blue sounds like it is working OK. Just drag stuff
over there.
If you want to swap left and right, hit Windows Key and P
Yes, P. I know that makes no sense to us, but probably does
to the 50,000 Taliban programmers behind Windows 7.
Just hold down the Windows key, with the little Windows
flag, and hit P
There you can tell it to "Identify"
That puts a huge 1 on one monitor and a 2 on the other.
You can swap that, and make the other one the main monitor.
Just don't tell your kids about that. Kids find it
hilarious to swap 1 and 2 and get big sister or mom all
flustered.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago,
the instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students
to give their escorts every chance to be gallant.
"Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step
around and open the door for you." she said.
Then, returning to reality she added, "But if the big oaf
is in the restaurant flirting at the waitress,
don't wait any longer."

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comNever Fail Pie Crust
Ingredients:
1 1/2 cup flour
1 T. vinegar
1/2 tsp. salt
1 egg
2 Tbsp. cold water
3/4 cup Crisco
Directions:
Mix flour, salt and Crisco until crumbly. Beat egg, vinegar
and water together. Add to flour mixture. Work together
quickly. A soft dough will be easier to handle if you let
it rest for about 15 minutes. Roll out on a floured pastry
board. Place in pie plate and bake at 350 degrees until
lightly browned.
By Robin

Temptations - Keep Them Busy

____________________________________________________
Giving a man his physical, the doctor noticed several dark,
ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play
hockey, soccer, or some physical sport?"
"No," he answered. "I play bridge with my wife."
____________________________________________________

Some brave and talented souls in this old world.

Having gone out for a large lunch with fellow workers, one
health conscious young woman from our office was especially
motivated to get to the gym after work.
Paul, who had been drafted out of retirement to help out
over the holidays, and who had also enjoyed a large meal,
suggested that she run an extra lap for him.
As she was leaving the office, she called to Paul,
"Get ready to start huffing and puffing,
'cause I'll be on your lap in half an hour!"

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 28
1065 Westminster Abbey was consecrated under Edward the
Confessor.
1694 Queen Mary II of England died after five years of
joint rule with her husband, King William III.
1732 "The Pennsylvania Gazette," owned by Benjamin
Franklin, ran an ad for the first issue of "Poor Richard’s
Almanack."
1832 John C. Calhoun became the first vice president of the
United States to resign, stepping down over differences
with President Jackson.
1836 Mexico's independence was recognized by Spain.
1846 Iowa became the 29th state to be admitted to the
Union.
1869 William E. Semple, of Mt. Vernon, OH, patented an
acceptable chewing gum.
1877 John Stevens applied for a patent for his flour-
rolling mill, which boosted production by 70%.
1879 In Dundee, Scotland the central portion of the Tay
Bridge collapsed as a train was passing over it. 75 people
were killed.
1895 In Paris, the first commercial public screening of
cinematographic films took place.
1897 "Cyrano de Bergerac," the play by Edmond Rostand,
premiered in Paris, France.
1902 The first professional indoor football game was played
at Madison Square Garden in New York City. Syracuse
defeated the Philadelphia Nationals 6-0.
1908 An earthquake killed over 75,000 at Messina in Sicily.
1912 The first municipally-owned street cars were used on
the streets of San Francisco, CA.
1917 The New York Evening Mail published a facetious essay
by H.L. Mencken on the history of bathtubs in America.
1937 The Irish Free State became the Republic of Ireland
when a new constitution established the country as a
sovereign state under the name of Eire.
1942 R.O. Sullivan crossed the Atlantic Ocean for the 100th
time.
1945 The U.S. Congress officially recognized the "Pledge of
Allegiance."
1950 The Peak District became Britain's first designated
National Park.
1964 Initial filming of the movie "Dr. Zhivago" began on
location near Madrid, Spain. The movies total running time
is 197 minutes.
1973 The Chamber of Commerce of Akron, OH, terminated its
association with the All-American Soap Box Derby. It was
stated that the race had become "a victim of cheating and
fraud."
1973 Alexander Solzhenitsyn published "Gulag Archipelago,"
an expose of the Soviet prison system.
1981 Elizabeth Jordan Carr, the first American test-tube
baby, was born in Norfolk, VA.
1982 Nevell Johnson Jr. was mortally wounded by a police
officer in a Miami video arcade. The event set off three
days of race related disturbances that left another man
dead.
1987 The bodies of 14 relatives of R. Gene Simmons were
found at his home near Dover, AR. Simmons had gone on a
shooting spree in Russellville that claimed two other
lives.
1989 Alexander Dubcek, who had been expelled from the
Communist Party in 1970, was elected speaker of the Czech
parliament.
1991 Nine people died in a rush to get into a basketball
game at City College in New York.
1995 Pressure from German prosecutors investigating
pornography forced CompuServe to set a precedent by
blocking access to sex-oriented newsgroups on the Internet
for its customers.
2000 U.S. District Court Judge Matsch held a hearing to
ensure that confessed Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh
understood that he was dropping his appeals. McVeigh said
that he wanted an execution date set but wanted to reserve
the right to seek presidential clemency.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, December 27
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida crook arrested for carjacking
used-car salesman during Broward test drive
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 26 in
1900 Carrie Nation staged her first raid on a saloon at the
Carey Hotel in Wichita, KS. She broke each and every one of
the liquor bottles that could be seen.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned
to repeat it.
--- George Santayana (1863 - 1952)
Television is more interesting than people. If it were not,
we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms.
--- Alan Corenk
Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival.
--- W. Edwards Deming
You can't wait for inspiration.
You have to go after it with a club.
--- Jack London
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
It was the day after Christmas. The pastor of the
church was looking over the cradle when he noticed
that the baby Jesus was missing from among the
figures.
Immediately he turned and went outside and
saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon
was the figure of the little infant Jesus. So he walked
up the boy and said,
"Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?"
The little boy replied, "I got him from the church."
"And why did you take Him?"
The little boy said, "About a week before Christmas I
prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told Him if he
would bring me a red wagon for Christmas, I would
give Him a ride around the block in it."
______________________________________________________
Men's four stages of life:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Joshua Maxwell,
27,
Fort Lauderdale,
Floriduh
Florida crook arrested for carjacking
used-car salesman during Broward test drive
A man who carjacked a used-car salesman during a test drive
put some planning into the crime, according to the FBI.
But Joshua Maxwell apparently didn't take care of every last
detail, authorities said.
Maxwell was arrested just days after the violent incident,
partly because employees at the CarMax dealership in Davie
made a copy of his driver license before he was allowed to go
on the test drive, agents testified.
Maxwell, 27, pleaded not guilty to a carjacking charge at a
hearing Friday in federal court in Fort Lauderdale.
Agents said Maxwell used a jagged piece of copper pipe to
beat and stab the salesman during the Nov. 11 carjacking. The
salesman, identified only by his initials, was injured and
had to get "numerous stitches" in his head and chest,
according to court records.
Maxwell visited the dealership on State Road 84 on Nov. 10
and Nov. 11, agents said.
During the second visit, he said he wanted to buy a 2012
Dodge Charger and the two men took the car for a test drive
shortly after 10 a.m.
Maxwell, who was driving at the time, told the salesman he
had recently won the lottery and planned to pay for the car
in cash, agents said. He also said he owned a mobile car
washing business.
Near the end of the test drive, the salesman told Maxwell to
stop and switch positions so the salesman could drive the car
back into the dealership lot. The salesman noticed Maxwell
had left the car in "drive" so he reached over from the
passenger side and put it in "park."
Agents said Maxwell started beating the salesman about the
head with the metal pipe, which Maxwell had concealed. The
salesman tried to get out of the car but said Maxwell grasped
his shirt and kept beating him, agents said.
As the salesman finally managed to get out of the vehicle,
Maxwell held onto him and followed him out the passenger
door, then stabbed him in the chest, investigators said.
Maxwell took off in the car and the salesman, injured and
bleeding, walked back to the lot, according to court records.
He was treated and released from hospital that day.
The salesman identified Maxwell as the carjacker and the car
was found three days later, abandoned in Lauderhill.
Part of the crime was captured on video and Maxwell's foster
mom identified him from a still photo taken from the footage,
according to agents. Agents said she had asked Maxwell, a
self-employed handyman, to move out of her Fort Lauderdale
home after he stole her hurricane shutters on her birthday.
Some birthday present! He should get a year in jail for that
too!
One week after the carjacking, Maxwell was arrested on a
shoplifting allegation in Plantation.
When FBI agents interviewed him, they said he admitted
committing the carjacking and said he planned to steal the
car so he could sell it.
Maxwell told authorities he was homeless and had been living
in a white cargo van that was parked near where he was
arrested in Plantation. Investigators found "multiple
baseball bats and a stun gun" in the van, prosecutor Jodi
Anton said in court.
On Friday, the judge ordered that Maxwell, who is also facing
unrelated state charges, will remain jailed while the federal
case is pending. If convicted of carjacking, the maximum
punishment is 15 years in federal prison. The minimum is
probation.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Bob
Re: How to get rid of desktop gadgets
Dear Webby,
Having trouble with my wife's Dell Desk Top Inspiron 530.
She has Vista SP 1 Home Premium Edition.
On her Desk Top she has several gadgets which are causing a
problem in trying to delete them. When I try to delete them
her computer freezes and I cannot move the cursor, therefore
I cannot restart the computer.
I have to pull the plug from the outlet and wait then start
the computer. I then go through the same steps
with the same results. I went to the control panel to find
Gadgets to delete them but could not find them.
I've run a McAfee virus program, CCleaner and Malwarebytes
and cannot eliminate this problem.
I need advise on how to eliminate gadgets from this computer
as she does not need them.
Your help is greatly appreciated.
Daily Voter
Bob Faria
Dear Bob
Microsoft banned the Gadgets, because they are a security
risk. However, they banned VISTA too, because it is a
security risk AND a piece of crap. They don't want to talk
about it.
The gadgets are enabled via that hokey "Sidebar".
To remove the Sidebar, right-click anywhere on the Sidebar
and select Close Sidebar.
Uncheck "Start Sidebar when Windows starts",
and then click OK.
That should do the trick.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
At a Boxing Day sale, the wife of a federal district court
judge found a green tie that was a perfect match for
one of her husband's sports jackets. Soon after, while
the couple was vacationing at a resort complex to get
his mind off a rather complicated cocaine conspiracy
case, he noticed a small, round disc sewn into the
design of the tie.
The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was
equally suspicious that it might be a 'bug' planted by
the conspiracy defendants. The agent sent the device
to FBI headquarters In Washington, DC for analysis.
Two weeks later, the judge phoned the Washington
office to learn the results of their tests.
"We're not sure where the disc came from," the FBI
told him, "but we discovered that when you press it, it
plays 'Jingle Bells.'"

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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comDishwasher Cubes
By melissa [293 Posts, 425 Comments]
I decided to make my own dishwasher detergent cubes because
they are cheaper and healthier. Have you read some of the
ingredients in the store bought kind? That residue lingers on
your dishes and you are ingesting trace amounts every day.
No
thank you!
These are also easy to make and require common ingredients.
Total Time: About 6 hours total with drying time...
Yield: 18 cubes
Source: Pinterest inspired
Supplies:
1 cup borax
1 cup washing soda
1 cup vinegar
2 Tbsp lemon juice
ice cube trays
Steps:
Add borax and washing soda to a large bowl, mix well.
Dishwasher Cubes
Add vinegar and lemon juice, mix well.
Dishwasher Cubes
Pour evenly into 18 ice cube squares. Continue to stir as you
pour, otherwise the powders will sink to the bottom.
Let dry around 5 hours.
Carefully pop out of the trays and let dry another hour or so
on wax paper.
Place in a container and use 1 per load of dishes. I picked
this glass jar up at a thrift shop.
If your water is especially hard, you may want to add vinegar
and coarse salt to the prewash. This should aid in reducing
film and hard water spots.
**If these do not fit into your dispenser very well, I would
suggest pouring your liquid into 36 cubes and using 2 per
load. Otherwise, just break in half. :)

Temptations - Keep Them Busy

____________________________________________________
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted
her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting
groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something
in his hand.
The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of
laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father
gave her away in marriage,
the bride gave him back his credit card.
____________________________________________________

It took me a couple of minutes to see the illusion but once you see it you can't unsee it..

Jock and Angus, two craggy Scots, were sitting
before the clubhouse fireplace after 18 holes on a
raw, blustery Christmas Day.
The ice slowly melted from their beards and collected in
puddles under their chairs. Outside, the wind howled off the
North Sea and snow and hail rattled against the windows.
The pair sat in silence over their whiskies.
Finally, Jock spoke, "Next Monday, same time?"
"Aye," Angus replied, "weather permittin'."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 27
1703 The Methuen Treaty was signed between Portugal and
England, giving preference to the import of Portuguese wines
into England.
1831 Charles Darwin set out on a voyage to the Pacific aboard
the HMS Beagle. Darwin's discoveries during the voyage helped
him form the basis of his theories on evolution.
1845 Dr. Crawford Williamson Long used anesthesia for
childbirth for the first time. The event was the delivery of
his own child in Jefferson, GA.
1900 Carrie Nation staged her first raid on a saloon at the
Carey Hotel in Wichita, KS. She broke each and every one of
the liquor bottles that could be seen.
1927 Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist Party.
1938 The first skimobile course in America opened in North
Conway, NH.
1945 The World Bank was created with an agreement signed by
28 nations.
1947 The children's television program "Howdy Doody," hosted
by Bob Smith, made its debut on NBC.
1949 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands granted sovereignty to
Indonesia after more than 300 years of Dutch rule.
1951 In Cincinnati, OH, a Crosley automobile, with a steering
wheel on the right side, became the first vehicle of its kind
to be placed in service for mail delivery.
1965 The BP oil rig Sea Gem capsized in the North Sea, with
the loss of 13 lives.
1978 Spain adopted a new constitution and became a democracy
after 40 years of dictatorship.
1979 Soviet forces seized control of Afghanistan. Babrak
Karmal succeeded President Hafizullah Amin, who was
overthrown and executed.
1985 Palestinian guerrillas opened fire inside the Rome and
Vienna airports. A total of twenty people were killed,
including five of the attackers, who were slain by police and
security personnel.
1985 Dian Fossey, an American naturalist, was found murdered
at a research station in Rawanda.
1992 The U.S. shot down an Iraqi fighter jet during what the
Pentagon described as a confrontation between a pair of Iraqi
warplanes and U.S. F-16 jets in U.N.-restricted airspace over
southern Iraq.
1996 Muslim fundamentalist Taliban forces retook the
strategic air base of Bagram, solidifying their buffer zone
around Kabul, the Afghanistan capital.
1997 In Northern Ireland, Billy Wright was assassinated while
imprisoned as a Protestant paramilitary leader.
2000 Mario Lemeiux (Pittsburgh Penguins) returned to the
National Hockey League (NHL) as a player after over 3 years
of retirement. He was the first owner-player in the modern
era of pro sports. Lemieux had purchased the Pittsburgh
Penguins during his retirement from playing.
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush granted China permanent
normal trade status with the United States.
2002 North Korea ordered U.N. nuclear inspectors to leave the
country and said that it would restart a laboratory capable
of producing plutonium for nuclear weapons.
2002 Clonaid announced the birth of the first cloned human
baby. The baby had been born December 26.
2002 In Chechnya, at least 40 people were killed when suicide
bombers attacked the administartion of Grozny.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, December 26
Rudolphians, today is Boxing Day!
Get your knee and elbow pads on!
Stampede Walmart!
Christians, today is Boxing Day!
Cut and fold the empty boxes and sneak them into the
nearest dumster, that is not padlocked.
Jews: Hanukkah it stil is. There is still food!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Teen Texts Mom to Grab Drugs From Car After Crash
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 26 in
1865 The coffee percolator was patented by James H. Mason.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
How can you govern a country which has 246
varieties of cheese?
--- Charles De Gaulle (1890 - 1970)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white
coated doctors searching through the flower beds.
"Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"
"No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a big
operation today, but we are rather low on anesthetics,
so we need a good size rock."
______________________________________________________
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while
they got to know each other so well, they decided to get
married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the other
the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful
in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and
suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.
After the wedding at the wedding dinner, the bride broom
leaned over and said to the groom broom "I think I am
going to have a little whisk broom!!!"
"IMPOSSIBLE!!" said the groom broom.
"We haven't even swept together!"
______________________________________________________
Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself
out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be
well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned
to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me!
The whole world hates me!"
Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked
up and passed on this encouraging word:
"That's not true, Mary. Not everybody hates you.
Lots of people don't even know you yet."
______________________________________________________
Bit chilly? It's still 4 days till the Polar Bear Swim.
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Nicholas Hipp,
19,
Delray Beach,
Floriduh
Florida Teen Texts Mom to Grab Drugs From Car After Crash
Officials say a teenager texted his mother from the back
of an ambulance after he was injured in a crash, asking
her to grab a drug-filled suitcase from the trunk of the
car.
An arrest report says a Delray Beach paramedic watched 19-
year-old Nicholas Hipp type the words Monday and alerted
police. They searched the car and found nearly 150
Alprazolam pills - commonly known as Xanax - and about a
gram of marijuana. They also found a glass pipe and a
scale.
The Palm Beach Post reports Hipp told deputies he buys
medication on the street because he doesn't agree with the
pharmacy industry.
He faces multiple drug charges and was ordered to stay
away from nonprescription drugs and alcohol. An attorney
wasn't listed on jail records.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Trevor
Re: Back-up onto camera chips
Dear Webby,
I have followed your advice about backing up my
spreadsheets onto camera chips for years, never any
problem. I am surprised you mention that it would not work
for email. Why is that?
Trevor
Dear Trevor
If you have twenty odd years of email, you are obviously
not using Outloook or Outlook Express. Those two would
have suicided a few times in that period and zeroed the
accumulated mail. However, with most other email programs
you would still have not just all the mails, but also all
the pictures.
If some of your fans use Incredimail and litter childish
gifs and cutesy little pictures, they amount to an awful
lot of files over the years.
Windows can only store about 50,000 of them per folder on
a chip. That's it. All the jumping up and down and yelling
and screaming about plenty of room on your $20 64
GIGAbyte
chip won't do you any good.
For email, or anything with more than 40,000 files per
folder, you have to use an external hard drive, or slowly
burn it onto a DVD, or even slower, trundle it up to a
cloud.
Just look for a good deal for 1 TeraByte external drives.
Or smaller. 500 GB is plenty, but they are getting scarce.
Then you can use Xcopy (in DOS, already on your machine)
to selectively copy just those files, that have changed
since the last back-up. That really speeds things up!
Xcopy has been ported from UNIX and with it you can make
Windows "Fault Tolerant".
Normally Windows isn't. THat is why the military uses UNIX
or Linux. For example, when you copy a bunch of files
with
Windows "copy", if it hits a snag on file #7 out of 27,456
files, it quits at #7. Usually without telling you.
That seems to be OK for Microsoft, but is NOT good enough
for me.
With Xcopy you can get it to act as if it was on Linux or
UNIX, and continue it's work.
In my not so humble opinion, for backups that is extremely
important.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Trisha was busy giving the very patient clerk a difficult
time. Nothing he produced was exactly what she wanted.
In a fake fit of exasperation, Trisha screamed in
annoyance:
"Isn't there a smarter clerk to serve me?"
"No," said the clerk. "When the smarter clerk saw you
coming in the door, he ran and took an early lunch!"

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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comHam and Broccoli Pockets
By lalala... [787 Posts, 103 Comments]
These delicious ham and broccoli pockets are easy to make.
They can easily be made with your favorite fillings. They
are a great alternative to store bought Hot Pockets.
Total Time: 30 minutes
Yield: 12 pockets
Supplies:
2 pkg. prepared pizza dough
1 1/4 cup cooked ham, chopped small
1 cup broccoli florets, chopped small
1 cup cheddar cheese, grated
2 Tbsp milk
2 Tbsp water
Steps:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Chop ham steak into small
cubes. Rinse broccoli florets and chop into small pieces.
Grate cheddar cheese.
Combine all filling ingredients in large mixing bowl.
Open can of pizza dough and unroll it onto a lightly
floured cutting board. Using a knife, cut it into 6
sections.
Place 1/3 cup filling mixture onto one side of each
section of dough.
Using your fingers brush all edges of each section of
dough with water. Then carefully fold the dough over the
filling and press the edges shut.
Place the pockets onto a cookie sheet. Use your fingers to
brush milk onto the top of each pocket.
Bake at 400 degrees F for 15-17 minutes, or until golden
brown. Serve warm.
Instead of grating expensive cheese, look for family packs
of already grated cheese. You usually get more cheese by
weight per dollar!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

You Shall Not Pass, Dog!

____________________________________________________
The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised when a
young lady about twenty years old walked up and sat on his
lap. Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but
she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her,
"And what do you want for Christmas?"
"Something for my mother," said the young lady.
"Something for your mother? Well, that's very thoughtful
of you," smiled Santa. "What do you want me to bring her?"
Without blinking she replied, "A son-in-law!"
____________________________________________________

Centuries old mummies found
in cave in the Philippines.

Q: What's the difference between a snowblower
and a bagpipe?
A: Snowblowers can be tuned.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 26
1620 The Pilgrim Fathers landed at New Plymouth, MA, to
found Plymouth Colony, with John Carver as Governor.
1776 The British suffered a major defeat in the Battle of
Trenton during the American Revolutionary War.
1865 The coffee percolator was patented by James H. Mason.
1898 Marie and Pierre Curie discovered radium.
1908 Texan boxer "Galveston Jack" Johnson knocked out
Tommy Burns in Sydney, Australia, to become the first
black boxer to win the world heavyweight title.
1917 During World War I, the U.S. government took over
operation of the nation's railroads.
1921 The Catholic Irish Free State became a self-governing
dominion of Great Britain.
1941 Winston Churchill became the first British prime
minister to address a joint meeting of the U.S. Congress.
1941 U.S. President Roosevelt signed a resolution that set
a fixed-date, the fourth Thursday of November, for the
Federal Thanksgiving Day holiday.
1943 The German battlecruiser Scharnhorst was sunk in the
North Sea, during the Battle of North Cape.
1944 Tennessee Williams' play "The Glass Menagerie" was
first performed publicly at the Civic Theatre in Chicago,
IL.
1947 Heavy snow blanketed the Northeast United States,
burying New York City under 25.8 inches of snow in 16
hours. The severe weather was blamed for about 80 deaths.
1953 "Big Sister" was heard for the last time on CBS
Radio. The show ran for 17 years.
1956 Fidel Castro attempted a secret landing in Cuba to
overthrow the Batista regime. All but 11 of his supporters
were killed.
1959 The first charity walk took place, along Icknield
Way, in aid of the World Refugee Fund.
1974 Comedian Jack Benny died at age 80.
1982 The Man of the Year in "TIME" magazine was a
computer. It was the first time a non-human received the
honors.
1986 Doug Jarvis, age 31, set a National Hockey League
(NHL) record as he skated in his 916th consecutive game.
Jarvis eventually set the individual record for most
consecutive games played with 964.
1991 The Soviet Union's parliament formally voted the
country out of existence.
1995 Israel turned dozens of West Bank villages over to
the Palestinian Authority.
1996 Six-year-old beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey was found
beaten and strangled in the basement of her family's home
in Boulder, CO.
1998 Iraq announced that it would fire on U.S. and British
warplanes that patrol the skies over northern and southern
Iraq.
1999 Alfonso Portillo, a populist lawyer, won Guatemala's
first peacetime presidential elections in 40 years.
2000 Michael McDermott, age 42, opened fire at his place
of employment killing seven people. McDermott had no
criminal history.
2002 The first cloned human baby was born. The
announcement was made the December 27 by Clonaid.
2004 Under the Indian Ocean, a 9.0 magnitude earthquake
sent 500-mph waves across the Indian Ocean and Bay of
Bengal. The tsunami killed at least 283,000 people in a
dozen countries, including Sri Lanka, Indonesia, Sumatra,
Thailand and India.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, December 25
Rudolphians, you have ONE day of saving money
till Boxing Day! Get your knee and elbow pads ready!
Christians, today is Christmas Day!
Merry Christmas!
Jews: Hanukkah it stil is. There is still food!
Thank you, Jim!!
Thank you, Joseph!
Thank you, Paul!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Crooks in fatal Homestead bank shootout were brothers
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 25 in
1818 "Silent Night" was performed for the first time,
at the Church of St. Nikolaus in Oberndorff, Austria.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his
stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high.
--- Adrienne E. Gusoff
We are all apt to believe what the world believes about us.
--- George Eliot (1819 - 1880)
"Here's a holiday shopping tip. Here's what I do and it
works pretty good. When you're buying your Christmas
tree, be sure to bring along a pair of scissors, so when
you find the perfect tree, you can just cut that little tag
off that says "sold".
---Jay Leno
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being
cross-examined.
The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married ?"
"Yes, sir, once" said the witness in a low voice.
"Whom did you marry?"
"Well, a woman."
The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman!
Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man ?"
The witness said meekly, "MY mother did."
______________________________________________________
When Paul picked up his Ford Escort at the service station
after some minor service, he paid $75 by check as usual.
A couple of weeks later, he came home from work
to find his wife quite upset.
She gave him the silent treatment until he figured out
why she was so angry.
She had noticed the canceled check and, on the memo line
he had written "Escort Service."
______________________________________________________
John was tasked with bringing the Christmas
decorations up from the basement and start decorating
the house and tree. During one trek up the stairs,
heavily laden with boxes, he slipped fell all the way
down to the bottom in a great big messy pile.
Jill heard the noise and yelled, "What was that thump?"
"I just fell down the stairs," he explained.
"Anything broken?" asked Jill
"No," John groaned, "I'm fine."
There was just a slight pause before he heard Jill
say, "No, I meant my decorations!
Is anything important broken?"
-------------
I remember a wife like her.
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
AND a DARWIN AWARD has been earned by
Edgar Fonseca Morales
Giobel Fonseca Canete
Homestead,
Floriduh
Crooks in fatal Homestead bank shootout were brothers
The suspects involved in a robbery attempt that turned into
a fatal shootout outside a Homestead bank have been
identified as two brothers.
Edgar Fonseca Morales was killed in Tuesday's shootout at
the TD Bank at 2495 Northeast 8th Street, while his brother,
Giobel Fonseca Canete, was wounded and is now facing
charges, according to a criminal complaint.
The complaint said the brothers were sitting in an SUV when
a GardaWorld armored truck, carrying a driver and a
messenger, arrived just before 4 p.m. to deliver cash.
Morales, who was armed with a shotgun, and Canete, who was
armed with a handgun, got out of their SUV and confronted
the messenger when the shootout ensued, the complaint said.
Morales was shot in the chest and the head and was
pronounced dead at the scene. Canete was shot in the thigh
and fled the scene in the SUV, but was caught a short time
later on the Florida Turnpike, the complaint said.
The complaint said a witness followed the SUV after the
shootout and was able to help police track it down.
The messenger was shot in the hip area and was taken to a
nearby hospital. Exclusive footage obtained by NBC 6 showed
the messenger writhing in pain on the ground in the
aftermath of the shootout.
Canete was also hospitalized and later told authorities that
they attempted the robbery with the help of an employee of
the armored truck company, the complaint said.
Canete is facing charges in the bank robbery and for using a
firearm during a crime.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Sabina
Re: Back-up program
Dear Webby,
That Backup from Microslop is totally useless.
What the heck were their Taliban programmers smoking?
Windoze backup wants to back up onto the same hard drive!
Bad dope! And they whine against removable drives. Worse
dope!
What do you recommend?
Dear Sabina
PC-Magazine has a really good comparison article.
Keep in mind, their reporters have never in their life paid
for any software or hardware. They just compare free
courtesy samples.
That gives you an evaluatin based strictly on performance.
Take your pick there. It is a surprisingly good article.
They missed one really good one: Laplink.
I actually got that, but unfortunately not installed.
Been too busy, and was going to do it some day soon.
Yes, go ahead, kick me! And again!
With Laplink you can "Move" onto a new machine,
or "move" onto a DVD.
When your hard drive gets sabotaged by a Windoze update,
you just format it and "move" back onto it.
Btw, when I was at Staples getting a 64 GB camera chip for
under $20 for backing some stuff onto, the tech there told
me that every month they see about 10 machines, that have
been sabotaged by Windoze Updates. For a small town like
this, that is an awful lot. Your turn is coming!
Don't try using camera chips for your entire mail folder, if
you have 20 years worth of mail, that has never been weeded
out!
The Windoze file system can't handle that. However, they are
fast for smaller stuff like your spreadsheets or docs or
address files. Those go fast and easy onto camera chips.
For larger folders, or the entire machine, get yourself a
USB connected external drive. You can usually find 1
TeraByte drives, with case, for under $100.
Isn't your data worth that much?
Have FUN!
DearWebby
An elderly gentleman checked into a New York hotel. The
clerk mentioned the phone service the establishment made
available for calling guests who wished to rise at an early
hour.
"No need for that, young man," snapped the old timer. "I
always wake up at five A.M. sharp - without an alarm clock."
"Very good, sir," the clerk replied, then asked, "Would you
mind calling me at six?"

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comUse Less Fabric Softener
When using fabric softener in the wash, I use a fraction of
the amount suggested on the packaging and add water to
make up the difference. The wash comes out just as soft
and nicely scented.
By Kelly

Santa's bridge

____________________________________________________
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's,
one of the largest department store chains. He shyly
walked up to the woman behind the counter and said,
"I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one
type?"
"Look Around," said the saleslady, as she showed a
sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material.
"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really
only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk.
Confused, the man asked what were the types. The
saleslady replied, "The Catholic type, the Salvation
Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you
need?"
Still confused the man asked "What is the difference
between them?"
The lady responded, "It is all really simple."
The Catholic type supports the masses,
The Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the
Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."
____________________________________________________

The Christmas story told by kids.
MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!

Q: What's the difference between a snowblower and a
bagpipe?
A: Snowblowers can be tuned.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 25
0800 Charlemagne was crowned first Holy Roman Emperor in
Rome by Pope Leo III.
1066 William the Conqueror was crowned king of England.
1223 St. Francis of Assisi assembled one of the first
Nativity scenes, in Greccio, Italy.
1776 Gen. George Washington and his troops crossed the
Delaware River for a surprise attack against Hessian forces
at Trenton, NJ.
1818 "Silent Night" was performed for the first time, at the
Church of St. Nikolaus in Oberndorff, Austria.
1868 U.S. President Andrew Johnson granted an unconditional
pardon to all persons involved in the Southern rebellion
that resulted in the Civil War.
1896 John Philip Sousa finally titled the melody "The Stars
and Stripes Forever."
1914 During World War I, British and German troops observed
an unofficial truce and even playing football together on
the Western Front.
1926 Hirohito became the emperor of Japan after the death of
his father Emperor Taisho.
1930 The Mt. Van Hoevenberg bobsled run at Lake Placid, New
York opened to the public. It was the first bobsled track of
international specifications to open in the U.S.
1939 "A Christmas Carol," by Charles Dickens, was read on
CBS radio for the first time.
1941 Hong Kong surrendered to the Japanese.
1946 W.C. Fields died at the age of 66.
1962 The Department of Commerce Census Clock in Washington,
DC, recorded the U.S. population on this day as 188,000,000.
1972 The Nicaraguan capital Managua was hit by an
earthquake. Over 10,000 people were killed.
1979 The USSR invaded Afghanistan in a bid to halt civil war
and protect USSR interests.
1989 Ousted Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu and his
wife, Elena, were executed following a popular uprising.
1989 Dissident playwright Vaclav Havel was elected president
of Czechoslovakia.
1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev went on
television to announce his resignation as leader of a
Communist superpower that had already gone out of existence.
2000 Over 300 people were killed and dozens were injured by
fire at a Christmas party in the Chinese city of Luoyang.
The incident occurred at the Dongdu Disco.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, December 24
For believers in Walmartism and Shoppianity,
today is all the shopping time you got left!
Rudolphians, you have ONE day of saving money
till Boxing Day!
Christians, tomorrow is Christmas Day!
Merry Christmas!
Jews, TODAY Hanukkah is. Blessed Hanukkah!
The Matzo balls you pass!
>From Hermon:
Wanted to send something to show my appreciation for the
humor and ALL the tips.... Sorry about Mr. Gates program
failure.
I think everyone who missed the letter should send in a
donation, and you can quote me on that, PLEASE.
Hermon in Kentucky
Thanks Hermon!!! My Hero!
Thank you, Lillemor!!!
Thank you, Joseph!!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Arkansas man arrested after he shot and murdered a
3 year old in his gramma's car.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 24 in
1818 Franz Gruber of Oberndorf, Austria composed the music
for "Silent Night" to words written by Josef Mohr.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
First there is a time when we believe everything, then for a
little while we believe with discrimination, then we believe
nothing whatever, and then we believe everything again -
and, moreover, give reasons why we believe.
--- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742 - 1799)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Chinese are getting fed up with high Beam offenders:
______________________________________________________
There was a guy walking in the woods one night. As he
walked further he fell off the side of a cliff and just
as he fell, he reached and grab a tree branch.
He thought for sure he was going to die, but he
remember learning as a child: when you're in trouble
call on God.
So he called up to Heaven, "Lord are you up there?"
A few seconds go by and not a word from heaven.
The man calls again, "Lord are you up there?" And again
the lord did not response.
This time the man made a promise to God, "if you are
there I will serve you if you help me."
The Lord responded and said, "my son do you trust me?"
"Yes," replied the man.
The Lord ask him again, "my son do you trust me"?
"Yes I do", replied the man.
God said, "let the branch go."
A few seconds of silence go by, and the man yelled, "is
there anybody else up there?"
______________________________________________________
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the
burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into
the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do
that for ten years!"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Gary Holmes,
33,
Little Rock,
Arkansas.
Arkansas man arrested after he shot and murdered a
3 year old in his gramma's car.
Police say they've captured the man accused of shooting and
killing a 3-year-old boy during an apparent road rage case
in Little Rock, Arkansas.
Gary Holmes, 33, faces capital murder and terroristic act
charges in connection with the shooting, Pulaski County
Sheriff's Office spokesman Lt. Cody Burk said.
Gary Holmes is accused of killing 3-year-old Acen King.
The arrest comes almost a week after Acen King was gunned
down in the back seat of his grandmother's car.
The shooting sparked a community outcry, and police had
offered a $40,000 reward for information leading to an
arrest and conviction in the case.
The boy's grandmother told police the incident began when a
man in a car behind her at a stop sign started honking his
horn, apparently upset she wasn't moving quickly enough. The
grandmother honked her horn, too.
Then, police said, the man got out of his black Chevrolet
Impala and fired into her car.
"One shot was fired, and it went through the vehicle and hit
the child," said Lt. Steven McClanahan, Little Rock police
spokesman.
Not realizing that the boy had been hit, the woman drove to
a J.C. Penney about nine miles away. When she went to get
him out of the car, she saw that her grandson was wounded,
according to a police incident report.
"She didn't know he was shot," a bystander told the 911
operator after speaking with the grandmother. One of the
callers, describing what happened, to the 911 operator, said
the grandmother feverishly performed CPR after the child
sustained a neck wound.
The boy was transferred to the Arkansas Children's Hospital,
where he was pronounced dead. A 1-year-old child was also in
the car at the time of the shooting, according to the police
report.
Police said they believe the grandmother and the slain boy
had no relationship with the gunman.
Since the killer had gotten out of his car to shoot the
baby, he will face first degree murder chrges.
BLM (Black Lies & Murder)
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Marlene
Re: Safeguard the computer
Dear Webby,
I had looked at the newsletter everyday, even this morning
but no updates. after seeing this post, I went back to the
newsletter and it was there ! Sorry you had a problem but
worried because if they can get you what can I do to
prevent. turned off auto updates, maybe that will help. I go
into withdrawals without you every day.
Marlene
Dear Marlene
Marlene, use a good back-up program, NOT THE ONE FROM
MICROSLOP! I found out today that you can get a 64 GB camera
chip at Staples for under $20. Back up onto that every
night.
Only then are you safe. You probably don`t have more than 64
GB worth of irreplaceable stuff. No point backing up
programs, since you would have to download and do a fresh
install anyway. Just the data, Ma'am!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If a man is in the forest, all alone, and there isn't a
woman around for ten miles, is he still wrong?
No, not if he keeps his mouth shut.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Bowl Scraper When Making Scrambled Egg
By gem [155 Posts, 265 Comments]
Tired of wasting good eggs to the edges of your frying pan
and having a real mess to clean up? Let's face it, scrambled
eggs seem to leave a film around the outer edge every time
you cook them and I won't go into the detail of having them
swim around in the dish water. Well here is how I dealt with
the problem and the clean up is a snap.
Instead of using a spatula, that doesn't take the eggs off
the sides of the pan, I use a rubber bowl scraper. If your
heat isn't super high, this will solve all your problems.
You can buy usually 3 bowl scrapers in a pack for about a
dollar almost anywhere.
I have found this technique doesn't hurt the scraper and you
will have two added benefits. One is that you use all the
egg because the scraper is shaped to follow the edges of the
pan. Secondly your cleanup is a snap.
So next time you scramble eggs try this little technique and
find out how very simple and easy it is.

Santa's bridge

____________________________________________________
A young man wanted to get his beautiful wife something nice
for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy
her a cell phone.
She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and
explains to her all the features on the phone.
The next day she goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's
her husband.
"Hi hun," he says, "how do you like your new phone?"
She replies, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice
is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand
though."
"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
"How did you know I was at Walmart?"
____________________________________________________

Coin stacking. Someone has a lot of time on his hands.

Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me
four of those elves, two of the big reindeer, two of the
small reindeer, and one of those bent-over Mrs Santa with
the hilarious bloomers."
The cashier replied: "That'll be eight dollars for the
elves, ten dollars for thebig reindeer, six dollars for the
small reindeer, and an apology to my wife!"

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 24
1814 The War of 1812 between the U.S. and Britain was ended
with the signing of the Treaty of Ghent in Belgium.
1818 Franz Gruber of Oberndorf, Austria composed the music
for "Silent Night" to words written by Josef Mohr.
1828 William Burke who, with his partner William Hare, dug
up the dead and murdered to sell the corpses for dissection,
went on trial in Edinburgh.
1851 A fire devastated the Library of Congress in
Washington, DC, destroying about 35,000 volumes.
1865 Several veterans of the Confederate Army formed a
private social club in Pulaski, TN, called the Ku Klux Klan.
1906 Reginald A. Fessenden became the first person to
broadcast a music program over radio, from Brant Rock, MA.
1914 In World War I, the first air raid on Britain was made
when a German airplane dropped a bomb on the grounds of a
rectory in Dover.
1928 The first broadcast of "The Voice of Firestone" was
heard.
1943 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt appointed Gen. Dwight
D. Eisenhower supreme commander of Allied forces as part of
Operation Overlord.
1944 A German submarine torpedoed the Belgian transport ship
S.S. Leopoldville with 2,235 soldiers aboard. About 800
American soldiers died. The soldiers were crossing the
English Channel to be reinforcements at the battle that
became known as the Battle of the Bulge.
1948 The first completely solar-heated house became occupied
in Dover, MA.
1951 Libya achieved independence as the United Kingdom of
Libya, under King Idris.
1965 A meteorite landed on Leicestershire. It weighed about
100lbs.
1966 Luna 13 landed on the moon.
1968 Three astronauts, James A. Lovell, William Anders and
Frank Borman, reached the moon. They orbited the moon 10
times before coming back to Earth. Seven months later man
first landed on the moon.
1979 Soviet troops invaded Afghanistan in support of the
country's Marxist government.
1985 Fidel Castro, the Cuban president, announced that he
was a non-smoker.
1989 Ousted Panamanian ruler Manuel Noriega took refuge at
the Vatican's diplomatic mission in Panama City.
1990 Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman were married.
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush pardoned former Defense
Secretary Caspar Weinberger and five others in the Iran-
Contra scandal.
1997 Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, known as "Carlos the Jackal,"
was sentenced by a French court to life in prison for the
1975 murders of two French investigators and a Lebanese
national.
1998 At Disneyland in Anaheim, CA, a tourist was hit by a
piece of flying metal while waiting to board a ride. The
man's wife and a Disneyland employee were also injured. Luan
Phi Dawson died December 26th from his injuries.
1999 Ivory Coast President Henri Konan Bédié was overthrown
in a coup.
1999 An Indian Airlines plane was seized during a flight
from Katmandu, Nepal, to New Delhi. In Afghanistan, the 150
hostages were freed on December 31 after India released
three Kashmir militants from prison.
2000 36 minutes after the end of a game, both the New
England Patriots and the Miami Dolphins were called back to
the playing field. The teams had to play the final 3 seconds
of the game which the Dolphins had won 27-24. The end result
did not change.
2000 The "Texas 7," seven convicts that had escaped a Texas
prison, robbed a sports store in Irving, TX. The suspects
killed Officer Aubrey Hawkins, stole $70,000, 25 weapons and
clothing. The men had escaped on December 13.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, December 17
For believers in Walmartism and Shoppianity,
only 7 days of shopping left!
Rudolphians, you have 9 days of saving money
till Boxing Day!
Christians, it's 8 days till Christmas.
Jews, you have 7 days until Hanukkah.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Floriduh armed robber gets tenderized by ex-wrestler
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 17 in
1777 France recognized American independence to annoy
Britain.
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable
from molasses.
--- Isaac Asimov
I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't
do it in the streets and frighten the horses.
--- Victor Hugo
You can tell the character of every man
when you see how he receives praise.
--- Seneca the Younger
You can tell the character of anybody by
how they treat a waitress.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Daniel
A Newfie is visiting Texas and starts a conversation with a
Texan at a local bar.
The Texan asks the Newfie where he's from and the Newfie
says, "You know where New York is?"
The Texan says, "Yeh, yeh, I know where New York is."
The Newfie says, "Well bye, you just drive north of dere
about 6 hours, turn right for 3 hours and catch a 6 hour
ferry and you're there in Newfoundland."
The Texan says "That's got to be close to China!"
The Newfie thinks about this and then says, "Lard tunderin'
Jaysus bye", I tink you might be right.......
I work with a Chinese guy and he goes home for lunch every
day!
______________________________________________________
>From Kate
As I was walking home this week worrying about all the crap
going on in Washington, Ottawa, London, Moscow, Ukraine, the
Middle East, etc., and how America is falling apart, I saw a
yard sign that said:
NEED HELP?
CALL JESUS
1-800-005-3787
Out of curiosity and desperation, I did.
A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.
______________________________________________________
After Jane's son fell into the pond yet again and came home
with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated
Jane sent him to his room and washed and dried his clothes. A
little later, Jane heard a commotion in the back yard. She
called out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?"
There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine
voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the
meter."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Jason Felix,
35,
Coral Springs,
Floriduh
Floriduh armed robber gets tenderized by ex-wrestler
A crook didn’t know what was coming to him when he tried to
rob a former pro wrestler at a Valero gas station.
Former WWE star Shad Gaspard hasn’t lost his touch after he
stopped wrestling professionally. He later went on to become
a bodyguard for Sean “P. Diddy” Combs, Britney Spears and
Mike Tyson. “When people see me, they normally get
intimidated at times,” he told 7News during a phone
interview. “I’m not a bad guy. I’m a nice guy.”
It wasn’t until a man tried to rob the 6-foot-7, 280-pound
former wrestler at a Coral Springs Valero gas station that
his instincts kicked in, late Saturday night.
The suspect, 35-year-old Jason Felix, found himself in over
his head. Surveillance footage shows him wearing a light
colored long-sleeve shirt as he tries to get the attention of
Gaspard, who is seen wearing a red shirt.
Speaking to 7News over the phone, Gaspard, who lives in
California but was in South Florida to attend an event, said
he had stopped at the gas station’s convenience store to buy
some iced tea when Felix asked him to buy a beer. “This guy
comes from the back of the store, and he goes, ‘Yo, man, buy
me a beer,’ and I’m like, you know, I didn’t know the guy,”
he said. “And I’m like, ‘Yo, man, there’s a better way to
approach somebody.'”
According to a police report, Felix then became upset and
approached Gaspard. “And so he started coming at me, and then
he lifted up his shirt and showed me he had a gun,” Gaspard
said.
Felix appeared to be carrying a black semi-automatic gun, but
officials later learned that it was an air-powered BB gun.
Upon instinct, Gaspard acted quickly and grabbed the gun from
Felix’s waistband, and that’s when the brawl ensued.
The clerk, Simon Silva, and a female customer were inside the
store. “Shad grabbed [the gun], and then it crashed [on the
floor], and pieces of it fell to the right of me, like not
even a foot away from me,” said the customer.
Surveillance video from the front entrance to the convenience
store shows the former wrestler grabbing Felix by the neck
and shoving him out the door. “He was like, ‘Yo, give me the
gun back. Give me right [expletive] now.’ He wasn’t listening
so I grabbed him by the back of the neck, and I ran to the
door,” said Gaspard. “When I ran to the door, I ran into the
door hard as [expletive], trying to knock him out.”
Exterior video shows Gaspard tackling Felix near the store’s
parking spaces. “When we got outside, I grabbed him in a rear
choke, and I threw him off, and I put him on the ground,”
said Gaspard. “I put his hands behind his back, put my knee
on his wrist, so he couldn’t move them.”
Gaspard pinned the suspect until Coral Springs Police arrived
on the scene.
“We took all the stuff from his pockets. We saw his phone. He
had a picture of a little girl on his phone, so he’s the
father,” said Gaspard. “I hope he gets right for his
daughter, or whoever is in his life.”
Felix was then put into police custody and faced a judge
Monday morning. During the hearing, it was confirmed that he
is the father of three children.
“I hope he gets the help he needs. I hope he’s OK,” Gaspard
said, “and I hope he never tries a stunt like this again.”
Felix was charged with one count of armed robbery and was
held on $10,000 bond. He has since posted bond.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Don
Re: Automatic restart of XP machines
Dear Webby,
I appreciated your note on automatic restart.Â As you know I
operate a small FM radio station here and occasionally we
have a power failure that the UPS does not catch for some
reason.Â I would love to have the computer restart.Â I am
using XP Pro but I cannot find the Advanced Settings for some
reason. Can you give me any further help on this.
Don
Dear Don
When you start your XP, hit F8 to go into Safe mode.
From the list select
DO automatically restart after system failure.
Then restart.
That's all there is to it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A friend, driving home from a fishing trip in northern
Michigan with his boat in tow, had engine trouble a few miles
inland from Lake Huron. He didn't have a CB radio or cell
phone in his car, so he decided to use his marine radio to
get help. Climbing into his boat, he broadcast his call
letters and asked for assistance. A Coast Guard officer
responded, "Please give your location."
"I'm on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish."
The officer paused, "Could you repeat that?"
"I-75, two miles south of Standish."
A longer pause. Then an incredulous voice asked, "How fast
were you going when you hit the shore?"

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Muffin Tin Flan
By StellaBell [187 Posts, 176 Comments]
Flan is a delicious, rich treat and can be made using
ingredients most people have on hand.
Note: It works to make flan in muffin tins although I found
that it wasn't ideal because removal was difficult and the
flan didn't turn out as beautiful as it would using a
ramekin. That said if you don't care so much about looks and
don't have ramekins, the muffin tin works fine. If you are so
lucky to have a silicone muffin tin, use it! I think it would
work wonderfully.
Ingredients:
1 1/2 cup milk
3/4 cup sugar for flan
2 eggs
1 egg yolk
1 tsp vanilla
1 cup sugar for caramel
Steps:
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.
Make caramel:
In a heavy bottomed pan, heat 1 1/2 cups of the sugar over
high heat. Stir constantly with a wooden spoon. It will take
about 5 minutes. You want the sugar to turn a deep brown. Be
careful because it can easily burn and will continue to
darken even after you turn off the heat.
Pour the caramel into the bottom of each muffin tin or
ramekin, completely coating the bottom. Be sure to use up or
throw out the left over caramel and not leave it in the pan.
Once it has cooled it is extremely difficult to remove from
the pan.
Bring the milk to a simmer on medium, stirring often.
In a bowl whisk together the eggs and extra yolk and 3/4 cup
of sugar for about 2 minutes until it looks pale.
Bring the milk to a simmer on medium, stirring often.
In a bowl whisk together the eggs and extra yolk and 3/4 cup
of sugar for about 2 minutes until it looks pale.
Once the milk is brought up to a simmer, remove it from the
heat and stir in the vanilla.
Then, slowly pour the milk mixture into the egg mixture,
whisking constantly.
Remove any froth that may have formed. Then, pour through a
mesh strainer.
Place the muffin tin or ramekins into a pan that is at least
as tall. Then, divide the custard evenly, filling your muffin
tins or ramekins. Carefully fill the pan with the hottest tap
water or boiling water halfway up the muffin tin or ramekins.
Place in the oven and bake for 50 minutes until the surface
doesn't jiggle.
Remove from the water bath and let cool for about an hour.
Then cover and place in the refrigerator for 2 hours and up
to 2 days, serving at your leisure.
If you used a muffin tin you will have to remove all of the
flan from the tin at once. Use a thin knife and run it around
the edge of each mold. Place a baking dish larger than the
muffin tin on top and hold the muffin tin flush with the
bottom of the glassware and flip it over. Let sit for a few
minutes. If you find that the flan is not dropping out of the
tin, you will need to lift up the tin and gently pop them out
into the baking dish using a spoon.
To serve, place a flan on a plate and spoon some of the
caramel sauce over the top.

Modern version of the Nativity

____________________________________________________
This quiz has been around since I was a kid.
Remember the answers?
1. If a plane crashed right on the border of the USA and
Canada, where should the survivors be buried?
2. How many species of each animal did Moses take aboard the
ark?
3. How many months have 28 days?
4. How far can a bear walk into the woods?
5. What is the value of coin dated 24 B.C.?
6. How many grooves does a 45rpm phonograph record have?
7. A camper leaves her camp, hikes 1 mile south, then 1 mile
east where she sees a bear. Then she hikes 1 mile north to
arrive at her camp. What color is the bear?
8. If a rooster lays an egg on the peak of a roof , will the
egg roll to North side or the South side of the roof?
9. If a south bound electric train is traveling at a rate of
66 miles per hour and the wind is blowing to the north at 35
miles per hour, which way will the smoke blow?
10. On which side of a chicken are the most feathers?
ANSWERS: 1. Survivors don't really like being buried.
2. a) No animal belongs to more than one species
b) Moses didn't have an Ark, Noah did.
3. All twelve of them.
4. a) One step, then he is IN the woods.
b) Half way, then he is walking out of the woods.
5. Nothing, a coin could not be dated BC.
6. One (spiraling) on each side.
7. The camp must be at the north pole, therefore the bear is
white.
8. Roosters don't lay eggs, but many chickens do.
9. Electric trains don't blow smoke.
10. Usually the outside.
____________________________________________________

I would love to go fishing here, it's so serene.

In her own eyes, Esther was the most popular girl around.
"A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry."
"Really ?" said her date, "And just how many men do you
intend to marry?"

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 17
1777 France recognized American independence.
1791 A traffic regulation in New York City established the
first street to go "One Way."
1830 South American patriot Simon Bolivar died in Colombia.
1895 George L. Brownell received a patent for his paper-twine
machine.
1903 The first successful gasoline-powered airplane flight
took place near Kitty Hawk, NC. Orville and Wilbur Wright
made the flight.
1939 The German pocket battleship Graf Spee was scuttled by
its crew, bringing the World War II Battle of the Rio de la
Plata off Uruguay to an end.
1944 The U.S. Army announced the end of its policy of
excluding Japanese-Americans from the West Coast which
ensured that Japanese-Americans were released from detention
camps.
1953 The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) decided to
approve RCA’s color television specifications.
1957 The United States successfully test-fired the Atlas
intercontinental ballistic missile for the first time.
1969 The U.S. Air Force closed its Project "Blue Book" by
concluding that there was no evidence of extraterrestrial
spaceships behind thousands of UFO sightings.
1973 Thirty-one people were killed at Rome airport when Arab
guerillas hijacked a German airliner.
1975 Lynette Fromme was sentenced to life in prison for her
attempt on the life of U.S. President Ford.
1976 WTCG-TV, Atlanta, GA, changed its call letters to WTBS,
and was uplinked via satellite. The station became the first
commercial TV station to cover the entire U.S.
1978 OPEC decided to raise oil prices by 14.5% by the end of
1979.
1979 Arthur McDuffie, a black insurance executive, was
fatally beaten after a police chase in Miami, FL. Four white
police officers were later acquitted of charges stemming from
McDuffie's death.
1986 Wayne "Danke Schoen" Newton won a $19.2 million suit
against NBC News. NBC had aired reports claiming a link
between Newton and mob figures. The reports were proven to be
false.
1986 Davina Thompson became the world's first recipient of a
heart, lungs, and liver transplant.
1986 Eugene Hasefus was pardoned and then released by
Nicaragua. He had been convicted of running guns to the
Contras.
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush, Canadian Prime Minister
Brian Mulroney and Mexican President Carlos Salinas de
Gortari signed the North American Free Trade Agreement.
1992 Israel deported over 400 Palestinians to Lebanese
territory in an unprecedented mass expulsion of suspected
militants.
1996 Peruvian guerrillas took hundreds of people hostage at
the Japanese embassy in Lima. The siege ended on April 22,
1997, with a commando raid that resulted in the deaths of all
the rebels, two commandos and one hostage.
1996 The Red Cross pulled all but a few of its western staff
out of Chechnya after six foreign aid workers were killed by
masked gunmen.
1997 U.S. President Clinton signed the No Electronic Theft
Act. The act removed protection from individuals who claimed
that they took no direct financial gains from stealing
copyrighted works and downloading them from the Internet.
1998 U.S. House Speaker-designate Bob Livingston admitted
he'd had extramarital affairs.
2002 U.S. President George W. Bush ordered the Pentagon to
have ready for use within two years a system for protecting
American territory, troops and allies from ballistic missile
attacks.
2002 McDonald's Corp. warned that they would report its first
quarterly loss in its 47-year history.
2002 The insurance and finance company Conseco Inc. filed for
Chapter 11 protection. It was the third-largest bankruptcy in
U.S. history.
2002 Congo's government, opposition parties and rebels signed
a peace agreement that ended four years of civil war.
2004 U.S. President George W. Bush signed into law the
largest overhaul of U.S. intelligence gathering in 50 years.
The bill aimed to tighten borders and aviation security. It
also created a federal counterterrorism center and a new
intelligence director.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, December 16
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
For believers in Walmartism and Shoppianity,
only 8 days of shopping left!
Rudolphians, you have 10 days of saving money
till Boxing Day!
Christians, it's 9 days till Christmas.
Jews, you have 8 days until Hanukkah.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Chrome-Domed Criminal Imprisoned For Role In Rogaine
Theft Ring
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 16 in
1773 Nearly 350 chests of tea were dumped into Boston Harbor
off of British ships by Colonial patriots. The patriots were
disguised as Indians. The act was to protest taxation without
representation and the monopoly the government granted to
the East India Company.
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you
really are is that you very often succeed.
--- C. S. Lewis (1898 - 1963)
Every man serves a useful purpose:
A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor.
--- Laurence J. Peter
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Our hometown was so small that . . .
~ long distance calls are delayed when the area code is busy
~ in order to paint traffic lines, the road had to be widened
~ the clinic was called Joe's Hospital and Grill
~ instead of hoses, the Fire Department just cranks up the
sprinkler at the fire hall.
~ the parking meter was on a cart so that we coould use it
on either side of the street.
~ during snowstorms they arrested the first drunk they found
to have a driver for the snow plow.
~ the Mayor was also the Sheriff, Jail Warden, garbage truck
driver and barber.
~ the municipal water system's pump was self-serve,
hand operated.
~ the local Motel 6 sleeps six
and parties 20.
______________________________________________________
The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter
had done all the work on his house. "You did a great
job," he said and handed the man a check. "Also, in
order to thank you, here's an extra $80 to take the
missus out to dinner and a movie."
The painter thanked him and agreed to do that.
Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the
painter. Thinking the man had forgotten something he
asked, "What's the matter, did you forget something?"
"Nope," replied the painter. "I'm a man of my word.
I'm here to take your missus out to dinner and a
movie like you asked."
______________________________________________________
>From Tilly:
The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. It didn't
bother her much until one evening when her husband called
from the hall, somewhat dismayed: "Honey, what happened to
the dust on this table? I had a phone number written on it."
______________________________________________________
Grant Seekers Convention
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Andres Arias,
36,
Warren County,
Ohio
Chrome-Domed Criminal Imprisoned For Role In Rogaine
Theft Ring
A chrome-domed criminal will serve two years in prison for
heading a Rogaine theft ring that targeted more than two
dozen pharmacies in Ohio, according to court records.
Andres Arias, 36, pleaded guilty Tuesday in Common Pleas
Court in Warren County and was sentenced on a felony count.
Arias, seen above, was named earlier this year in a 12-count
indictment charging him with participating in an “organized
retail theft ring” that victimized numerous CVS and Walgreens
stores. As part of a plea deal, prosecutors dropped money
laundering and theft raps in return for Arias’s plea to
engaging in corrupt activity, the indictment’s top charge.
According to investigators, Arias, a Florida resident, and
several cohorts stole Rogaine and other over-the-counter
drugs from the pharmacies and then shipped the products to a
“retail fence” in New Jersey. “Some of the items would then
appear online to be sold on eBay,” the indictment noted.
The stolen Rogaine was not for the personal use of the bald
Arias, who is now known as prisoner A730999 in Ohio’s
Department of Rehabilitation & Correction.
In addition to serving two years in custody, Arias has also
been ordered to pay $22,000 in restitution.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Willie
Re: Computer for logging data
Dear Webby,
What kind of computer is best for logging data from
inside and outside temperature sensors and activating
controls? I used to do it with a 386 and DOS, but a
stuttering power bump fried it.
And what kind of Operating Stystem would be
best?
Willie
Dear Willie
For data logging and device controlling even an ancient XT is
more than powerful enough. You can set just about any
computer to automatically restart when power returns, it is
just slightly more of a nuisance with newer operating
systems. Just get a used W7 machine, reset it to factory
default, which is basically a format using the hidden OS.
Dump all the sample crap that is included, and you will have
a fast and reliable machine.
Then go to
"Start" -> "Computer" --> right click on "Properties", and
then hit "Advanced system settings".
In the advanced options of the system context menu, click on
"Settings" for Startup and Recovery.
and in there Settings again.
Check the "Automatically restart" for system failure.
Click "OK"
After that it will restart after a power failure.
Of course connecting it to an Uninterruptible Power Supply
with a car battery will prevent any power related hassles.
The Analo-Digital card should still work, but there is no way
to get the driver off the original 5 1/4" floppy. You will
have to contact the company that made it and see if they have
a download site to get the driver. Otherwise check weather
station suppliers or X-10.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to Leo for this one:
My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she
turned to our 5-year-old daughter and said, "Would you
like to say the blessing?"
"I don't know what to say," she replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," my wife said.
Our daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord, why
on earth did I invite all these silly mooches to dinner?"

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Chocolate Covered Peanut Butter Cracker Sandwiches
By Becky Miles [100 Posts, 158 Comments]
Total Time: 15 minutes, plus time to set up
Yield: as many as you want
Ingredients:
peanut butter, any type you like it fine. I used Trader Joe's
natural peanut butter.
buttery crackers
1 cup chocolate chips
1 Tbsp shortening
Steps:
Put about 1 teaspoon of peanut butter on your cracker.
Put another cracker on top. Make as many as you would like.
The peanut butter I used was a natural type, so it's a little
looser. I froze my "sandwiches" for about an hour to firm up
before dipping in chocolate. But, if your peanut butter is
firmer, you could skip this step.
Melt chocolate chips and shortening. Start by heating in
microwave for 30 seconds. Stir. If needed, heat another 30
seconds, til melted.
Dip peanut butter sandwiches in chocolate. Place on wax
paper. Let chocolate harden up. Enjoy!
My version uses Graham Crackers, and just a very light smear
of peanut butter on the "A" side, and a smear of some tart
wild raspberry jam on the "B" side, then stick them together.
For the chocolate I always use 7/8 Bakers Semi-Sweet and 1/8
Bakers Unsweetened. That makes a "Not for kids!" adult
cookie for slow nibbling and savoring.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

emoticons in real life

____________________________________________________
The Rev. Warren J. Keating, pastor of the First
Presbyterian Church of Yuma, Ariz., says that the best
prayer he ever heard was: "Lord, please
make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am."
____________________________________________________

2016 National Geographic nature photographer of the year winners.

>From Bob
During his freshman year, my son Steve couldn't get home
for Christmas. So he sent me a set of inexpensive cuff links
and a note reading: "Dear Dad, This is not much, but it's
all you could afford."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 16
1653 Oliver Cromwell became lord protector of England,
Scotland and Ireland.
1773 Nearly 350 chests of tea were dumped into Boston Harbor
off of British ships by Colonial patriots. The patriots were
disguised as Indians. The act was to protest taxation without
representation and the monopoly the government granted to
the East India Company.
1809 Napoleon Bonaparte was divorced from the Empress
Josephine by an act of the French Senate.
1835 In New York, 530 buildings were destroyed by fire.
1838 The Zulu chief Dingaan was defeated by a small force of
Boers at Blood River celebrated in South Africa as 'Dingaan's
Day'.
1850 The first immigrant ship, the Charlotte Jane, arrived at
Lyttleton, New Zealand.
1940 French Premier Petain arrested Pierre Laval after
learning of a plan for Laval to seize power and set up a new
government with German support.
1944 During World War II, the Battle of the Bulge began in
Belgium. It was the final major German counteroffensive in
the war.
1950 U.S. President Truman proclaimed a national state of
emergency in order to fight "Communist imperialism."
1960 A United Air Lines DC-8 and a TWA Super Constellation
collided over New York City, killing 134 people.
1973 O.J. Simpson broke Jim Brown’s single-season rushing
record in the NFL. Brown had rushed for 1,863 yards, while
Simpson attained 2,003 yards.
1990 Jean-Bertrand Aristide, a leftist priest, was elected
president in Haiti's first democratic elections.
1991 The U.N. General Assembly rescinded its 1975 resolution
equating Zionism with racism by a vote of 111-25.
1995 Many U.S. government functions were again closed as a
temporary finance provision expired and the budget dispute
between President Clinton and Republicans in Congress
continued.
1995 NATO launched a military operation in support of the
Bosnia peace agreement.
1996 Britain's agriculture minister announced the slaughter
of an additional 100,000 cows thought to be at risk of
contracting BSE in an effort to persuade the EU to lift its
ban on Britain.
1998 The U.S. and Britain fired hundreds of missiles on Iraq
in response to Saddam Hussein's refusal to comply with U.N.
weapons inspectors.
1998 Eric Michelman filed the earliest patent for a scroll
wheel for a computer mouse. Scroll wheels had been in active
use for over ten years by then, but nobody had bothered to
patent them.
1999 Torrential rains and mudslides in Venezuela left
thousands of people dead and forced at least 120,000 to leave
their homes.
2000 Researchers announced that information from NASA's
Galileo spacecraft indicated that Ganymede appeared to have a
liquid saltwater ocean beneath a surface of solid ice.
Ganymede, a moon of Jupiter, is the solar system's largest
moon. The discovery is considered important since water is a
key ingredient for life.
2000 U.S. President-elect George W. Bush selected Colin
Powell to be the first African-American secretary of state.
Powell was sworn in January 20, 2001.
2001 In Tora Bora, Afghanistan, tribal fighters announced
that they had taken the last al-Quaida positions. More than
200 fighters were killed and 25 captured. They also announced
that they had found no sign of Osama bin Laden.
2001 Cuba received the first commercial food shipment from
the United States in nearly 40 years. The shipment was sent
to help Cuba after Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba on November 4,
2001.
2001 A British newspaper, The Observer, reported that a
notebook had been found at an al-Quaida training camp in
southern Afghanistan. The notebook contained a "blue print"
for an bomb attack on London's financial district.
2009 Astronomers discovered GJ1214b. It was the first-known
exoplanet on which water could exist.
2016 Dwarf planet Ceres, the largest object in the asteroid
belt between Mars and Jupiter, was announced to be 30% water.
NASA announced that Ceres is round and may contain more
fresh water than the entire Earth.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, December 15
Gavle Goat Webcam
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Complaint over gas smell leads police to woman's body
and arrest of killer
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 15 in
1654 A meteorological office established in Tuscany began
recording daily temperature readings.
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
--- Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC)
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
--- T. S. Eliot (1888 - 1965)
The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.
--- Voltaire (1694 - 1778)
Nobody believes the official spokesman...
but everybody trusts an unidentified source.
--- Ron Nesen
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A swimming instructor at a Los Angeles university was
quizzing a group of students on Red Cross life saving and
water safety techniques. They answered all of her questions
easily until she posed this one: "Which article of clothing
would you remove last if you were catapulted from a
boat or dock fully clothed?"
Everyone mentioned something different. It was evident
that no one knew the correct answer, so the instructor
helped out.
"The blouse," she said, "because the air gets under the
blouse and acts like a buoy!"
The subsequent uproar ended the class.
______________________________________________________
At the company water cooler, the office braggart was boring
his fellow workers as usual. His topic of the day was about
his children's world travels: one son was teaching in
Bolivia, another working in southern Italy. Finally, he told
everyone that his daughter was working on a year's research
project in India.
"What is it about you," a co-worker finally asked, "that
makes your kids want to get so far away from you?"
______________________________________________________
Two rabbinical students were caught by the Rabbi gambling
and drinking in the company of undesirable characters before
the sun set on the evening of the Sabbath. The Rabbi called
them into his study the next day.
Both confessed to having given in to weakness, and admitted
that they deserved punishment. The Rabbi thought and then
went into his kitchen and brought back two bags of dried
peas.
"Put these in your shoes," he told them, "and walk on
them for a week, to remind yourself how hard life can be
when you turn away from the Law."
A few days later the two students met. One was limping
terribly, had dark circles under his eyes, and looked very
tired. The other seemed much as he had been the week before.
"Hey," said the first. "How is it that you are walking so
freely? Didn't you do as the Rabbi told us and put the peas
in your shoes?"
"Of course I did," said the other. "How could I disobey the
Rabbi?" He started to walk away, paused, and then said, "But
I boiled them first."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Darryl Chandler,
Kennesaw
Georgia,
Complaint over gas smell leads police to woman's body
and arrest of killer
Police say a Georgia man was ready to blow up his duplex.
They believe he had already killed his wife inside.
Neighbors said they learned something bad was happening long
before they realized it was murder
"It seemed as if he was going to torch it and I live here
with my roommate and my animals and I was like, 'are you
kidding me?'" neighbor Christina Cash said, one day after
police reopened her neighborhood.
Cash said she was still shaken knowing her neighbor allegedly
murdered his wife, then splashed gallons upon gallons of
gasoline inside the duplex with which she shares a wall. via
WSBTV.com
"I'm just hit with the smell of gasoline, and I was like,
‘OK, this wasn't right,’" Cash said.
"As soon as you stepped on the front porch it was like you
were standing in a puddle of gasoline," neighbor James Crowes
said.
Neighbors had smelled the gasoline before police arrived, but
the lights were out in Darryl and Brenda Chandler's duplex.
When the gas company arrived, Darryl Chandler wouldn't let
them in. Police arrived and, smelling the stench, they
detained Darryl and found Brenda's body, which had been shot,
in a bedroom.
Neighbors said the couple had lived in the quiet Kennesaw
neighborhood not far from the university for a decade.
"You see them come and go. They drove nice cars and you just
thought they were a nice couple," Crowe said.
Court documents say when the quick-thinking cops detained
Chandler, they found receipts from two gas stations in his
pockets, along with two lighters. He was one motion away from
setting the entire building ablaze and possibly taking more
lives.
“You're just going to torch the place? What happened to your
life where you had to do that-you're going to take out two
other people as well? It freaked me out. It got to that point
were there was nothing that could have been done, someone
you
could talk to?" Cash asked.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Irene
Re: Indoor lights outdoors
Dear Webby,
Dad found an old X10 computer interface at a garage sale
and even though it is older than me, it works with my
computer. He won't let me control outlets inside the house,
yes, dang, I can't turn off the lights on my dimwit brother
or lock him out, but for a compromise he installed X10
conttrolled outlets in all the outside plug-ins. Controlling
the car plug-ins was no big deal at all. After setting up the
schedule, I can turn the computer off and the X10 remembers
it all.
Now I get to the big question. We have a huge pile of
indoor type Christmas tree lights. Gramma can't resist
buying them at garage sales. I want to use them to
decorate the bushes and the fence. Will they work
or would they cause problems? I want to control them
from my computer and eventually over the net.
Thanks
Irene
Dear Irene
Good for you !
X10 is great stuff for people who read instructions,
and incomprehensible, mysterious magic for those who don't.
All outside plug-ins go to GFI breakers, or should,
according to code. That means if there is any electricity
creeping to ground, the breaker pops. They are very
sensitive and trigger-happy, and as little current as for
example a walkman takes, would trigger them.
It is highly unlikely, but if any electricity is creeping to
ground through melting snow, the breakers would pop.
You are not going to set the snow on fire.
According to the code, you are not supposed to use
stuff that is rated "Indoor Use Only" outside, but most
Christmas tree lights today are safe enough, so that babies
and pets can chew on them, and will do fine outdoors.
Use common sense and suspend them so that they won't
be in any puddles, and where you connect one set to another,
orient the plugs so that the female socket is facing down
and the male prongs are facing up, and unplug them while
you re-arrange them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the
lawyer reported to his client: "Jill, I have succeeded in
making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair
to both of you."
"Fair to both!?!" exploded Jill. "I could have done that
myself. Why do you think I hired a lawyer?"

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Making a Pot Holder Scissors Pouch
Scissor Sacks
By Vi Johnson [287 Posts, 800 Comments]
2 found this helpful
These are pot holder scissor sacks.
Instructions
Fold a pot holder into a cone shape.
Hot glue the sides together. Careful not to burn yourself.
You can use the loop at the top for hanging or poke holes to
run a ribbon for hanging.
Next decorate with silk flowers, beads, feathers, sequins,
etc. to hide the seam.
Add a pair of kitchen shears or sewing scissors with this
note glued to the front.
I keep my scissors,
in this sack.
If you use them,
put them back.
Thanks to my cousin Darlene for this idea. I made them for
many friends, the mail lady, the Avon lady, etc. I've also
made these small sacks for kids scissors and for my desk.

Aunt Chippy wraps a present

____________________________________________________
A not so bright woman asks her lawyer about getting a
divorce. The lawyer asks, "Does he beat you?"
"No, he does not."
"Does he keep you short of money?"
"No, he does not."
"Is he a perpetual drunkard?"
"No, he is not."
"Is he unfaithful to you?"
"Ahhh, we've got him there. He was not the father
of my last kid."
____________________________________________________

This Futuristic Library in China Looks Incredible!

You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit
embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner.
So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel,
she asked him if there was any way that they could make
it appear that they had been married a long time.
He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 15
1654 A meteorological office established in Tuscany began
recording daily temperature readings.
1791 In the U.S., the first ten amendments to the
Constitution, known as the Bill of Rights, went into effect
following ratification by the state of Virginia.
1840 Napoleon Bonapartes remains were interred in Les
Invalides in Paris, having been brought from St. Helena,
where he died in exile.
1854 In Philadelphia, the first street cleaning machine was
put into use.
1877 Thomas Edison patented the phonograph.
1890 American Sioux Indian Chief Sitting Bull and 11 other
tribe members were killed in Grand River, SD, during an
incident with Indian police working for the U.S. government.
1939 "Gone With the Wind," produced by David O. Selznick
based on the novel by Margaret Mitchell, premiered at Loew's
Grand Theater in Atlanta. The movie starred Vivien Leigh and
Clark Gable.
1944 American forces invaded Mindoro Island in the
Philippines.
1944 Dr. R. Townley Paton and a small group of doctors laid
the groundwork for the Eye-Bank for Sight Restoration.
1961 Former Nazi official Adolf Eichmann was sentenced to
death in Jerusalem by an Israeli court. He had been tried on
charges for organizing the deportation of Jews to
concentration camps.
1961 The U.N. General Assembly voted against a Soviet
proposal to admit Communist China as a member.
1964 Canada's House of Commons approved the newly designed
maple leaf flag, thereby dropping the Canadian "Red Ensign"
flag.
1965 Two U.S. manned spacecraft, Gemini 6 and Gemini 7,
maneuvered within 10 feet of each other while in orbit around
the Earth.
1966 Walter Elias "Walt" Disney died in Los Angeles at the
age of 65.
1970 The Soviet probe Venera 7 became the first spacecraft to
land softly on the surface of Venus. The probe only survived
the extreme heat and pressure for about 23 minutes and
transmitted the first data received on Earth from the surface
of another planet.
1973 J. Paul Getty III was found in southern Italy after
being held captive for five months, during which his right
ear was cut off and sent to a newspaper in Rome.
1978 U.S. President Carter announced he would grant
diplomatic recognition to Communist China on New Year's Day
and sever official relations with Taiwan.
1979 The former shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, left the
United States for Panama. He had gone to the U.S. for medical
treatment on October 22, 1979.
1979 In a preliminary ruling, the International Court of
Justice ordered Iran to release all hostages that had been
taken at the U.S. embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979.
1982 Gibraltar's frontier with Spain was opened to pedestrian
use after 13 years.
1983 The last 80 U.S. combat soldiers in Grenada withdrew. It
was just over seven weeks after the U.S.-led invasion of the
Caribbean island.
1989 An uprising in Romania began as demonstrators gathered
to prevent the arrest of the Reverend Laszlo Tokes, a
dissident clergyman.
1992 IBM announced it would eliminate 25-thousand employees
in the coming year.
1992 Bettino Craxi, the leader of Italy's Socialist Party,
was informed that he was under investigation in a burgeoning
corruption scandal in the northern city of Milan.
1992 El Salvador's government and leftist guerrilla leaders
formally declared the end of the country's 12-year civil war.
1993 In Geneva, 117 countries completed the Uruguay Round of
the General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade (GATT). The
countries agreed on a reform package.
1993 The prime ministers of Britain and the Republic of
Ireland (John Major and Albert Reynolds respectively) made
the "Downing Street Declaration," stating the basis for
trying to achieve peace in Northern Ireland.
1995 The U.N. Security Council authorized NATO to take over
the peacekeeping operations in Bosnia.
1995 French rail workers voted to end a three-week-old
strike.
1996 Boeing Co. announced plans to pay $13.3 billion to
acquire rival aircraft manufacturer McDonnell Douglas Corp.
1999 Syria reopened peace talks with Israel in Washington,
DC, with the mediation of U.S. President Clinton.
2000 The Chernobyl atomic power plant in Kiev, Ukraine, was
shut down.
2000 New York Senator-elect Hillary Rodham Clinton agreed to
accept an $8 million book deal with Simon & Schuster. The
book was to be about her eight years in the White House. The
advance was the highest ever to be paid to a member of the
U.S. Congress.
2001 It was announced that Siena Heights University would
begin offering a class called "Animated Philosophy and
Religion." The two-credit class would cover how religion and
philosophy are part of popular culture and is based on the
television series "The Simpsons."
2010 The U.N. Security Council gave a vote of confidence to
the government of Iraq when they lifted 19-year-old sanctions
on weapons and civilian nuclear power.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Thank you, Allene!!
Today is Wednesday, December 14
Last Super-Moon of 2016 rises tonight.
Hopefully you have clear skies. It sure looked great here!
Gavle Goat Webcam
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Two Floriduh women rob men who turned them down
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 14 in
1798 David Wilkinson of Rhode Island patented the nut and
bolt machine.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
If there's anything unsettling to the stomach, it's watching
actors on television talk about their personal lives.
--- Marlon Brando (1924 - 2004)
Advertisements... contain the only truths
to be relied on in a newspaper.
--- Thomas Jefferson, January 12, 1819
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Andrea for this one:
As I was opening my coffee creamer this morning, I had an
idiot idea.
When the liquid coffee creamer is new, you need to tear
off the seal. So, on the seal, it says...
Remove Seal, Shake Well.
So, I did..
Boy..I had a major mess to clean up!! :)
______________________________________________________
During their ten year anniversary, a wife reminded her
husband, "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was
so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?"
The hubby replied, "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour
of my life."
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Gale for this classic:
Two men working in a factory were talking. "I know how to
get some time off," said one.
"How are you going to do that?"
"Watch," he said, and climbed up on a rafter. The foreman
asked what he was doing up there, and the man
replied, "I'm a lightbulb."
"I think you need some time off," the foreman said, and
the first man walked out of the factory. After a moment, the
second man followed him.
"Where do you think you're going?" the foreman shouted.
"Well, I can't work in the dark," he said.
______________________________________________________
Now where is the next grip?
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Shelly Adair, 26,
April Garica-Bonilla, 26,
Pensacola,
Floriduh
Two Floriduh women rob men who turned them down
The Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office has charged two
Pensacola women with armed robbery after they pulled a knife
on two individuals early Sunday morning who say they had
declined the women's offer for sex.
According to a press release from OCSO, victims say 26-year
old Shelly Adair and 26-year old April Garica-Bonilla
followed them home from an establishment on Racetrack Road
around 3 a.m. Sunday. They told deputies the pair was
soliciting them for sex but they declined. They say that's
when the two women exited their car.
One was armed with a knife and demanded money. The victims
handed over two $100 bills and the women fled.
OCSO deputies spotted the suspects' white Chevrolet and made
a traffic stop. The victims showed up to positively identify
the suspects. Deputies found two $100 bills in one of the
female's purse and a four-inch folding knife in the car's
glove compartment.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Sharon
Re: Paper
Dear Webby,
Hope you are getting ready for the holidays. I pray you
have a very special season.
My question is in regard to printer paper.
I make almost all my own greeting cards as well as group
bible study, missionary cards etc.
Currently I have been using cover stock, 67# weight. I
remember a friend having a paper that was a litle lighter
in weight but she has since gotten rid of the cover for it.
I do not know how the weight is figured. Is the bigger the
number, the heavier the paper or vise versa?
I could ask the next time I buy paper but thought maybe
you could help.
Thanks so much,
Sharon
Dear Sharon
yes, 67 pound paper is quite heavy, almost card stock.
Normal "around the office" paper is 20 pound.
Formal stationery is 30 pound, fancy resume paper is 32
pound,
and so on.
The number indicates how much a traditional "flat" would
weigh, (as if paper was still poured into "flats" and left to
dry).
Have FUN!
DearWebby
>From Anna:
Guys, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer
from a girl. Good girls out there, please forward this
message to your guy friends. And girlfriends, take heed.
There is a new drug called beer that is essentially in
liquid form. The drug is now being used by female sexual
predators at parties to convince their male victims to have
sex with them. The shocking statistic is that beer is
available virtually anywhere! All girls have to do is buy a
beer or two for almost any guy and simply ask the guy
home for no-strings-attached sex.
Men are literally rendered helpless against such attacks.
--------------------
She is right. Even I have fallen for that sneaky trick a
few times.

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade Metal Polish Recipes
Kelly Ann Butterbaugh
After scouring flea markets and yard sales, I've found some
fabulous treasures. Metals are often unrealized treasures.
Tarnished silver and brass look drab and worthless, but
there's treasure to be found under there. Avoid the expensive
store-bought polishes and create your own. If those fail and
the tarnish is here to stay, learn to work around it and see
the beauty in your newly found treasures.
Silver
Silver can tarnish to yellowish-silver or even to a blackish
color which makes it look cheaply plated. The proof of the
silver is the tarnish itself; ifferent metals tarnish in
different ways. Try creating some at home polishers to remove
the tarnish.
Silver Tarnish Dip: Fill your kitchen sink with the
hottest water your tap allows. Then, mix 2 tablespoons of
salt and 2 tablespoons of baking soda together before adding
them to the water. Place a sheet of aluminum foil in the
bottom of the sink (use a wooden spoon so you don't scald
your hands). This creates ionization which will clean your
new treasures. Dip the items for a few seconds at a time,
redipping as needed.
Tarnish Scrub: Use white toothpaste to polish the
tarnish off of your silver. Rub it onto the silver and
continue to polish with a soft cloth. Another option,
especially for more tarnished silver, is a baking powder
paste made from powder and water. The paste can set for an
hour or so if the tarnish is severe.
Anti-Corrosion: Corrosion occurs when the silver comes
in contact with certain elements like salt. What might look
like tarnish that doesn't come off is corrosion. Try soaking
the corroded area in a mixture of two cups of vinegar and one
tablespoon of salt, heating the vinegar in the mixture.
Brass
Brass constantly tarnishes. Once you've cleaned your brass,
look for a sealing product to protect it from further
tarnish. Check your new brass to see if it is coated or not.
If it's coated, a simple household cleaner such as Clorox
GreenWorks will clean it up. Formula 409 will work on dirtier
jobs. If you have untreated brass, then cleaning it will
help, though brass takes a little more muscle to clean.
Brass Scrub: A simple scrub cleaner can be made for
brass as well. Mix one half cup of vinegar with 1 teaspoon of
salt and rub with a cloth. Ketchup is also noted as a
cleaner, most likely because of the chemical reactions of the
acidic tomato base.

scary girl in elevator

____________________________________________________
I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly
convinced that AM on my radio stands for
Absolute Moron.
I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for.
--- Jasper Carrott
Don't worry.
Anybody who listens to FM in the morning already knows.
____________________________________________________

I'm dreaming of cherry blossoms instead of Christmas trees.

The Garden of Eden was in Scotland.
Proof ?
Adam was a Scotsman.
God looked down and noticed that Adam is all alone while
all the animals have companions, so he decided to create
a companion for man as well.
He went to see Adam and said to him, "Adam, you are
my greatest creation and therefore, I am going to create
for you the ultimate companion. She will worship the very
ground you walk on, she will long for you and no other,
she will be highly intelligent, she will wait on you hand
and foot and obey your every command, she will be
beautiful, and all it will cost you is an arm and a leg."
Thinking for a few moments, Adam replied,
"What could I get for a rib?"

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 14
1503 Physician, astrologer and clairvoyant Nostradamus was
born at St. Remy, Provence, France.
1798 David Wilkinson of Rhode Island patented the nut and
bolt machine.
1900 Professor Max Planck of Berlin University revealed his
revolutionary Quantum Theory.
1903 Orville Wright made the first attempt at powered flight.
The engine stalled during take-off and the plane was damaged
in the attempt. Three days later, after repairs were made,
the modern aviation age was born when the plane stayed aloft
for 12 seconds and flew 102 feet.
1911 Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen became the first man
to reach the South Pole. He reached the destination 35 days
ahead of Captain Robert F. Scott.
1918 For the first time in Britain women (over 30) voted in a
General Election.
1939 The Soviet Union was dropped from the League of Nations.
1945 Josef Kramer, known as "the beast of Belsen," and 10
others were executed in Hamelin for the crimes they committed
at the Belsen and Auschwitz Nazi concentration camps.
1959 Archbishop Makarios was elected Cyprus' first president.
1962 The U.S. space probe Mariner II approached Venus. It
transmitted information about the planet's atmosphere and
surface temperature.
1975 Six South Moluccan terrorists surrendered to police
after holding 23 people hostage for 12 days on a train near
the Dutch town of Beilen.
1981 Israel annexed the Golan Heights, seized from Syria in
war in 1967.
1983 The U.S. battleship New Jersey fired on Syrian positions
in Lebanon for the first time after American F-14
reconnaissance flights were fired on.
1985 Wilma Mankiller became the first woman to lead a major
American Indian tribe as she formally took office as
principal chief of the Cherokee Nation of OKlahoma.
1986 The experimental aircraft Voyager, piloted by Dick Rutan
and Jeana Yeager, took off from California on the first non-
stop, non-refueled flight around the world. The trip took
nine days to complete.
1987 Chrysler pled no contest to federal charges of selling
several thousand vehicles as new when Chrysler employees had
driven the vehicles with the odometer disconnected.
1988 CBS won the exclusive rights to major league baseball's
1990-94 seasons for $1.1 billion.
1988 The first transatlantic underwater fiber-optic cable
went into service.
1990 After 30 years in exile, ANC president Oliver Tambo
returned to South Africa.
1995 The presidents of Bosnia and Herzegovina, Serbia,
Croatia signed the Dayton Accords to end fighting in Bosnia.
1995 AIDS patient Jeff Getty received the first-ever bone-
marrow transplant from a baboon.
1997 Iran's newest president, Mohammad Khatami, called for a
dialogue with the people of the United States. The preceding
Iranian leaders had reviled the U.S. as "The Great Satan."
1997 Mike Gartner (Phoenix Coyotes) became only the fifth
player in National Hockey League (NHL) history to score 700
career goals.
1997 Cuban President Fidel Castro declared Christmas 1997 an
official holiday to ensure the success of Pope John Paul II's
upcoming visit to Cuba.
1998 Hundreds of Palestinian leaders renounced a call for the
destruction of Israel.
1999 U.S. and German negotiators agreed to establish a $5.2
billion fund for Nazi-era slave and forced laborers.
1999 Charles M. Schulz announced he was retiring the
"Peanuts" comic strip. The last original "Peanuts" comic
strip was published on February 13, 2000.
2000 It was announced that American businessman Edmond Pope
would be released from a Russian prison for humanitarian
reasons. Pope had been sentenced to 20 years in prison after
his conviction on espionage charges.
2001 European Union leaders agreed to dispatch 3,000-4,000
troops to join an international peacekeeping force in
Afghanistan.
2001 The first commercial export, since 1963, of U.S. food to
Cuba began. The 24,000 metric tons for corn were being sent
to replenish what was lost when Hurricane Michelle struck on
November 4.
2013 The Chinese spacecraft Chang'e 3 became the first
spacecraft to "soft"-land on the Moon since 1976. It was only
the third robotic rover to land on the moon.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, December 13
Thank you Master Chief Jim and Cori!!
Thank you Frank for the Assumption Abbey cake!
Gavle Goat Webcam
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Floriduh Christmas Shoplifter with 58" TV not inconspicuous
enough to get away.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 13 in
1642 New Zealand was discovered by Dutch navigator
Abel Tasman.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as cats do.
--- Lee Entrekin
"Keep your head and your heart going in the right
direction and you will not have to worry about your
feet."
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
from Dianne
A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a
highway when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder.
She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully
munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder
again and gives him another handful of almonds. She
repeats this gesture about eight times.
The ninth time, he asks the little old lady why she doesn't
eat the almonds herself; whereupon she replies it's not
possible because her old teeth won't allow her to chew
the nuts.
"Then, why do you buy them?" he asks puzzled, whereupon
the old lady answers:
"I just love the chocolate around them."
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Roland for bringing back this classic:
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his
employees about an urgent problem with one of the
main computers.
He dialed the employee's home phone number and was
greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello."
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,
"Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a
message, the boss asked,
"Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's
home, the boss asked,
"May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the
whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what
sounded like a Helicopter through the earpiece on the phone
the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now truly alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search
team just landed the hello-copper." Alarmed, concerned, and
even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked,
"What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: ME
______________________________________________________
Murphy came home drunk as a skunk for the third night in a
row. Judi, his wife, dragged him to the window and pointed
out to the blazing lights of the big distillery in the
distance.
"Do you see how big it is?" she thundered. "They can always
make it faster than you can drink it!"
"Maybe so, [hic], but I've got 'em working nights to keep
up!"
______________________________________________________
Where is that promised Gullible Warming?
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
James Walsh
65,
Port St. Lucie,
Floriduh
Floriduh Christmas Shoplifter with 58" TV not inconspicuous
enough to get away.
A man who tried to do some Christmas shopping at a Walmart in
Port St. Lucie is now in the slammer, in part because some
deputies were also doing some Christmas shopping for kids.
Police say James Walsh tried to walk out of Walmart with a
58-inch television on Monday. Unfortunately, he didn't pay
for it.
Surveillance cameras followed the shoplifting suspect as he
strolled around the store with the huge TV box in his
shopping cart. He has his phone to his ear, waiting for his
opportunity to get outside.
Investigators say a store "asset protection officer" tried to
stop Walsh before he walked out the store. Police said Walsh
ran back into the store and left through another exit.
Unfortunately for him, deputies with the St. Lucie County
Sheriff's Office were at the store for a shop-with-a-cop
event. Several ran after him. They had him in custody in no
time.
Walsh admitted to stealing a TV at the same store the day
before, according to police. He's been charged with grand
theft, resisting merchant, and resisting officer without
violence.
It must have been an exciting day for the children who were
participating in this event on the day of Walsh’s arrest. Not
only were they able to “Shop-With-A-Cop”, but they were also
able to witness their heroes in action.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From Kimo
RE: Kerning and Leading
Dear Webby,
When I try to write something in some fancy font onto
a picture, there are the options for Kerning and leading.
What are they?
Thanks
Kimo
Dear Kimo
Both those terms come from old fashioned typesetting.
Kerning is from reducing the spacing between letters.
Once upon a time priority was given to moving letters
closer together, for example AV.
Later the emphasis changed to an even look.
In my art classes in college we had to write calligraphy
on A2 size sheets, and the professor sat on his desk with a
stack of chalk board erasers. When he spotted writing that
looked uneven, with dark areas or light areas, he threw an
eraser and started yelling. And of course, the texts were
designed to test our skills versus the dreaded "LA" spacing.
Look at for example:
LAVINNOLA
Note the light areas and the dark areas.
Nowadays you use kerning to even that out and avoid light
and dark spots.
Leading refers to the space between lines.
It comes from the metal Lead, not from Leader.
They used to put strips of lead foil between the clips,
that held the glyphs or tintype of a line.
If you want to increase the space between lines,
increase leading. The leading changes for different fonts.
What looks right for one font may be too tight for others.
It's easy enough to change. Just use a higher number for the
leading.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
>From Hanna:
When our dryer broke, my husband set to work. He found the
problem quickly and, since he needed to replace the belt,
decided to repair a cracked knob and a broken hinge too.
Upon arrival at the Sears parts counter, he said he needed
a belt, knob, hinge, and a crescent-shaped wire he'd found
inside the dryer. He didn't know where it belonged, but he
confidently assured the clerk that he could figure it out
once he got into the job.
"I have the other parts," the clerk said, "but for the wire
you have to go to Lingerie. This is an underwire from your
wife's bra."

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Contest Winning Chicken with Mushroom Sauce
This is the best chicken dish I have made in years. The
leftovers were even better the next day. You won't need to go
to a restaurant after you taste this. I had chicken purchased
on sale, and my store had a terrific sale on mushrooms, so
this dish was very inexpensive as well.
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
Total Time: 1/2 hour or less
Yield: 4 servings
Source: Taste of Home
Link: http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/contest-winning-
chicken-with-mushroom-sauce
2 tsp cornstarch
1/2 cup milk (I used 2%)
4 boneless skinless chicken breast halves (4 ounces each)
NOTE: I used boneless, skinless thighs
1 Tbsp olive oil
1 Tbsp butter
1/2 lb sliced fresh mushrooms
1/2 medium onion, thinly sliced
1/4 cup sherry or chicken broth (I used broth)
1/2 tsp salt
1/8 tsp pepper
Steps:
Mix the cornstarch and the milk in a cup until lump-free. Set
aside.
Pound the meat until 1/4-inch thick.
In a large, nonstick pan, add the olive oil and brown the
meat, 5-6 minutes per side.
Remove the meat and set aside.
Melt the butter. Saute the mushrooms and the onions until
soft.
Stir in the sherry or the broth, salt and pepper and bring to
a boil.
Stir the cornstarch mixture once more and add to the pan.
Return to a boil, and cook, stirring often, until thickened,
1-2 minutes.
Add the chicken, and heat through.

Wow! An amazing automaton from the 1700's of a silver swan. Watch the video to see what the swan does.

A three year old put his shoes on by himself.
His mother noticed the left shoe was on the right foot.
She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet."
He looked up with a puzzled look and said,
"Mom, these are MY feet!"

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 13
1577 Five ships under the command of Sir Francis Drake left
Plymouth, England, to embark on Drake's circumnavigation of
the globe. The journey took almost three years.
1636 The United States National Guard was created when
militia regiments were organized by the General Court of the
Massachusetts Bay Colony.
1642 New Zealand was discovered by Dutch navigator Abel
Tasman.
1809 The first abdominal surgical procedure was performed in
Danville, KY, on Jane Todd Crawford. The operation was
performed without an anesthetic.
1816 John Adamson received a patent for a dry dock.
1862 In America, an estimated 11,000 Northern soldiers were
killed or wounded when Union forces were defeated by
Confederates under General Robert E. Lee, at the Battle of
Fredericksburg.
1883 The border between Ontario and Manitoba was established.
1884 Percy Everitt received a patent for the first coin-
operated weighing machine.
1921 Britain, France, Japan and the United States signed the
Pacific Treaty.
1937 Japanese forces took the Chinese city of Nanking
(Nanjing). An estimated 200,000 Chinese were killed over the
next six weeks. The event became known as the "Rape of
Nanking."
1944 During World War II, the U.S. cruiser Nashville was
badly damaged in a Japanese kamikaze suicide attack. 138
people were killed in the attack.
1964 In El Paso, TX, President Johnson and Mexican President
Gustavo Diaz Ordaz set off an explosion that diverted the Rio
Grande River, reshaping the U.S.-Mexican border. This ended a
century-old border dispute.
1980 Three days after a disputed general election, Uganda’s
President Milton Obote was returned to office.
1981 Authorities in Poland imposed martial law in an attempt
to crackdown on the Solidarity labor movement. Martial law
ended formally in 1983.
1982 The Sentry Armored Car Company in New York discovered
that $11 million had been stolen from its headquarters
overnight. It was the biggest cash theft in U.S. history.
1988 PLO chairman Yasser Arafat addressed the U.N. General
Assembly in Geneva, where it had reconvened after the United
States had refused to grant Arafat a visa to visit New York.
1988 A bankruptcy judge in Columbia, SC, ordered the assets
of the troubled PTL television ministry sold to a Toronto
real estate developer for $65 million.
1989 South African President F.W. de Klerk met for the first
time with imprisoned African National Congress leader Nelson
Mandela, at de Klerk's office in Cape Town.
1991 Five Central Asian republics of the Soviet Union agreed
to join the new Commonwealth of Independent States.
1991 North Korea and South Korea signed a historic non-
aggression agreement.
1993 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that people must receive a
hearing before property linked to illegal drug sales can be
seized.
1993 The European Community ratified a treaty creating the
European Economic Area (EEA), to go into effect January 1,
1994.
1994 An American Eagle commuter plane carrying 20 people
crashed short of Raleigh-Durham International Airport in
North Carolina, killing 15 people.
1995 China's most influential democracy activist, Wei
Jingsheng, who already had spent 16 years in prison, was
sentenced to 14 more years.
1997 The Getty Center in Los Angeles, CA, was opened with a
ribbon cutting ceremony.
1998 Puerto Rican voters rejected U.S. statehood in a non-
binding referendum.
1998 Gary Anderson (Minnesota Vikings) kicked six field goals
against Baltimore. In the game Anderson set an National
Football League (NFL) record for 34 straight field goals
without a miss.
2000 U.S. Vice President Al Gore conceded the 2000
Presidential election to Texas Gov. George W. Bush. The
Florida electoral votes were won by only 537 votes, which
decided the election. The election had been contested up to
the U.S. Supreme Court, which said that the Florida recount
(supported by the Florida Supreme Court) was
unconstitutional.
2000 Seven convicts, the "Texas 7," escaped from Connally
Unit in Kenedy, TX, southeast of San Antonio, by overpowering
civilian workers and prison employees. They fled with stolen
clothing, pickup truck and 16 guns and ammunition.
2001 The U.S. government released a video tape that showed
Osama bin Laden and others discussing their knowledge of the
terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001.
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush served formal notice to
Russia that the United States was withdrawing from the 1972
Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty.
2001 Israel severed all contact with Yasser Arafat. Israel
also launched air strikes and sent troops into Palestine in
response to a bus ambush that killed 10 Israelis.
2001 Gunmen stormed the Indian Parliament and killed seven
people and injured 18. Security forces killed the attackers
during a 90-minute gunbattle.
2001 NBC-TV announced that it would begin running hard liquor
commercials. NBC issued a 19-point policy that outlined the
conditions for accepting liquor ads.
2001 Michael Frank Goodwin was arrested and booked on two
counts of murder, one count of conspiracy and three special
circumstances (lying in wait, murder for financial gain and
multiple murder) in connection to the death of Mickey
Thompson. Thompson and his wife Trudy were shot to death in
their driveway on March 16, 1988. Thompson, known as the
"Speed King," set nearly 500 auto speed endurance records
including being the first person to travel more than 400 mph
on land.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, December 12
Back in the saddle again!
-35 and windy.
Feels like the next ice age is sneaking up on us!
I know it isn't. It's just cycles. The warm cycle seems
to have crested and we are entering the cold cycle.
The moon is quite nice, though.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
‘Mannequin Challenge’ Video Leads to Arrests for Guns,
Drugs at Alabama Home
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 12 in
1896 Guglielmo Marconi gave the first public demonstration of
radio at Toynbee Hall, London.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our
adversaries are insane.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
The best government is a benevolent tyranny
tempered by an occasional assassination.
--- Socratex
There is only one thing a philosopher can be
relied upon to do,
and that is to contradict other philosophers.
--- William James
Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past
couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them
notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner.
One says to the other, "Jeez, I'd really like to
dance with that girl."
The other man replies, "Well go ahead and ask
her, don't be a chicken shit."
So the man approaches the lovely woman and says,
"Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me?"
Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says,
"I'm sorry. Right now I'm concentrating on matrimony,
and I'd rather sit than dance."
So the man humbly returns to his friend. "So what
did she say?" asks the friend.
The drunk responded, "Dunno. Sounded like she's
constipated on macaroni, and would rather shit in
her pants."
______________________________________________________
>From Gerda
It seems that every time our piano tuner, John, comes to our
house, he scolds me for waiting too long between tunings. I
agree with him that it should be done every six months, but I
don't really think about it until the piano sounds off-key.
Last time he came over, I was on the defensive and declared,
"If you would send out a postcard reminder like the dentist,
I would make sure to call you for an appointment in a timely
fashion."
Without hesitating, he replied, "From now on,
when the dentist sends you a postcard, call me."
______________________________________________________
Jill came home from her first day commuting into the city.
Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and
asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?"
"Not really," Jille replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting
backward on the train."
"Poor dear," Mom said. "Why didn't you ask the person
sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?"
"I couldn't," replied Jill, "there was no one there."
______________________________________________________
Webcam
For 50 years, the 13 meters tall, 7 meters long, and 3 tons
heavy Gävle Goat has been a given Christmas feature in Gävle.
Each year on the first of Advent, he is inaugurated on
Slottstorget. In 2015, the inauguration ceremony attracted
over 15,000 visitors! Thereafter, hundreds of thousands of
admirers from 120 different countries followed the goat’s
dangerous life via webcam
Last year the Christmas goat was burned. Keep an eye on it
this year!
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Kenneth White, 49,
Terry Brown, 23,
Huntsville,
Alabama
‘Mannequin Challenge’ Video Leads to Arrests for Guns,
Drugs at Alabama Home
A "mannequin challenge" video resulted in several arrests
after it led local and federal law enforcement to an Alabama
home Tuesday morning, according to WHNT.
The "mannequin challenge" internet phenomenon usually
consists of a group of people freezing in various poses while
a person with a camera walks around them, filming from
different angles.
Police say the "mannequin challenge" video that launched the
investigation shows numerous people displaying guns, as if
re-enacting a drive-by shooting or gang land war.
Authorities from the Madison County Sheriff's Office, the
Huntsville Police Department and the Bureau of Alcohol,
Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives executed a warrant at 5012
Powell Drive at 5:02 a.m. on Tuesday.
Authorities arrested 49-year-old Kenneth White and charged
him with first-degree possession of marijuana and certain
persons forbidden to possess a firearm. He has a bond of
$30,000.
"In order to receive the 'certain persons forbidden to
possess a firearm,' you must be convicted of a felony," Capt.
Mike Salomonsky said.
Investigators also arrested 23-year-old Terry Brown and
charged him with possession of drug paraphernalia, loitering
and promoting prison contraband.
"Upon his arrival at the main facility after his
incarceration, he was found to have marijuana on his person.
So that brought about the additional charge which is a felony
on him," Capt. Mike Salomonsky said of Brown's contraband
charge.
"There are several persons in the video who may be convicted
felons," Capt. Salomonsky said. "So, we're going to try to do
some identification, work with the ATF and see if we can
generate any charges out of that."
Investigators say they were able to obtain enough probable
cause through their investigation to get a search warrant for
the home.
"We used a breaching technique which caused the front door to
be removed from the residence," Capt. Salomonsky said. "They
encountered one subject who was in the front room and he was
armed. But, he told them he was armed."
After authorities cleared the residence, they searched the
house. Investigators say they found two handguns, one
assault rifle, one older single-barrel shotgun, multiple
packs of marijuana, an attack vest, multiple magazines for
the assault rifle, multiple rounds of ammunition and a
computer.
There were six people inside the home when the team of
authorities executed the search warrant, including children.
Initially, they thought several items behind the house might
have been stolen, but found they were purchased legitimately.
The investigation started after the video surfaced. "You
have a lot of people with firearms at one address," said
Salomonsky. "And you have to ask yourself the question,
'Why?' and the second question you have to ask yourself: is
it a public safety issue?"
Deputies say the investigation determined the people living
in that home were selling marijuana.
Capt. Salomonsky said authorities expect to carry out at
least one or two more arrests as the investigation continues.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From Elaine
RE: ATT mail problems
Dear Webby,
I have a bellsouth.net (ATT) email address. Two things I have
found out about ATT email:
1. They use Yahoo for their emails
2. Yahoo decides what ATT get and what they don't get.
Yahoo will place a subscribed email newsletter into the
Blocked email list without anyone knowing it. So Daniel could
look there. They will stop emails that don't fit their
liking.
Needless to say, I got a Gmail account some time back because
Yahoo thinks they know better than myself what emails I want
to receive.
Elaine
PS By the way, when you complain to ATT they will blame
Yahoo.
Dear Elaine
You are right.
Gmail is indeed the only way an ATT victim can get reliable
email.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
William's wife started noticing how forgetful he was
becoming.
Being the concerned wife, she convinced him to see a doctor.
William was a little worried when the doctor came in.
Sensing
his patient's nervousness, the first thing the doctor did was
to ask what was troubling him.
"Well," William answered. "I seem to be getting forgetful.
I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether
I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm
going to do once I get there, if I get there. So, I really
need your help. What can I do?"
The doctor thought for a moment, then answered in his
kindest tone, "Pay me in advance."

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cranberry Orange Kale
By attosa [259 Posts, 596 Comments]
This warm kale dish is so easy to make with just a handful of
ingredients. The colours of the red berries and bright green
kale make a perfect dish for the holidays.
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 10 minutes
Total Time: 15 minutes
Yield: 4 to 6 servings
Ingredients:
1 tsp oil
1/2 medium onion
5 cups kale (one big bunch)
1/4 cup orange juice
1/4 cup dried cranberries
Steps:
Chop onions and kale to bite sized pieces.
Add oil and onion to a large pan. Saute over medium heat
until onion is translucent.
Add kale and stir fry for about 3 minutes.
Add cranberries and orange juice. Stir fry for a few minutes,
then cover for a minute or two. This will plump up the
cranberries and wilt the kale. Ready to serve!

Christmas according to kids

____________________________________________________
This Irish guy shows up in a pub one day and orders three
pints of Guinness. He takes sips from each glass until they
are empty and calls the bartender for three more. The
bartender says, "Hey, pal, I don't mind bringing one at a
time, then they'll be fresh and cold."
"Nah... ahm preferrin' that ya bring 'em three at a time. You
see, me and me two brothers would meet at a pub and drink and
have good times. Now one is in Australia, the other in Canada
and I'm here. We agreed before we split up that we'd drink
this way to each other's honor."
"Well," says the bartender, "that's a damn good sentimental
thing to do. I'll bring the pints as you ask."
Well, time goes on and the Irishman's peculiar habit is known
and accepted by all the pub regulars. One day, the Irishman
comes in and orders only two pints. A hush falls over the
pub. Naturally, everyone figures something happened to one of
the brothers. A bunch of the regulars corner the bartender
and finally persuade him to find out what happened.
With a heavy heart, the bartender brings the two pints and
says, "Here's your pints... and let me offer my sincerest
condolences. What happened?"
The Irishman looks extremely puzzled for a moment. When the
light comes on in his head, he starts laughing. "No, no!
'Tis nothing like that. You see, I give up drinking for
Advent so that I can tie on a real bender at Christmas!"
____________________________________________________

Looks like a ghost is still fighting the Civil War! Watch the cannons.

>From Dianne
I was in Taco Bell for dinner, had gotten a drink and
wanted a refill. I asked the counter guy for a refill and
handed him my cup.
He said: "Take off your top!"
I said: "Excuse me? I will not! It is not proper
etiquette to ask a woman to 'take off her top!'
That's a rude request coming from a strange man!"
The guy blushed and said: "Errrrr, sorry! I meant
take off the top of your soda cup."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 12
1791 The Bank of the United States, also known as the First
Bank, opened for business in Philadelphia, PA.
1792 In Vienna, 22-year-old Ludwig van Beethoven received one
of his first lessons in music composition from Franz Joseph
Haydn.
1896 Guglielmo Marconi gave the first public demonstration of
radio at Toynbee Hall, London.
1897 The comic strip"The Katzenjammer Kids" (Hans and Fritz),
by Rudolph Dirks, appeared in the New York Journal for the
first time.
1899 George Grant patented the wooden golf tee.
1900 Charles M. Schwab formed the United States Steel
Corporation.
1901 The first radio signal to cross the Atlantic was picked
up near St. John's Newfoundland, by inventor Guglielmo
Marconi.
1915 The first all-metal aircraft, the German Junkers J1,
made its first flight.
1917 Father Edward Flanagan opened Boys Town in Nebraska. The
farm village was for wayward boys. In 1979 it was opened to
girls.
1925 The "Motel Inn," the first motel in the world, opened in
San Luis Obispo, CA.
1937 Japanese aircraft sank the U.S. gunboat "Panay" on
China's Yangtze River. Japan apologized for the attack, and
paid $2.2 million in reparations.
1946 A United Nations committee voted to accept a six-block
tract of Manhattan real estate to be the site of the UN's
headquarters. The land was offered as a gift by John D.
Rockefeller Jr.
1951 The U.S. Navy Department announced that the world's
first nuclear powered submarine would become the sixth ship
to bear the name Nautilus.
1955 It was announced that the Ford Foundation gave
$500,000,000 to private hospitals, colleges and medical
schools.
1955 British engineer Christopher Cockerell patented the
first hovercraft.
1963 Kenya gained its independence from Britain.
1975 Sara Jane Moore pled guilty to a charge of trying to
kill U.S. President Ford in San Francisco the previous
September.
1982 20,000 women encircled Greenham Common air base in
Britain in protest against proposed site of U.S. Cruise
missiles there.
1983 Car bombs were set off in front of the French and U.S.
embassies in Kuwait City. Shiite extremists were responsible
for the five deaths and 86 wounded. Total of five bombs went
off in different locations.
1984 In a telephone conversation with U.S. President Reagan,
William J. Schroeder complained of a delay in his Social
Security benefits. Schroeder received a check the following
day.
1985 248 American soldiers and eight crewmembers were killed
when an Arrow Air charter crashed in Gander, Newfoundland
after takeoff.
1989 Britain forcibly removed 51 Vietnamese from Hong Kong
and returned them to their homeland.
1989 Leona Helmsley was fined $7 million and sentenced to
four years in prison for tax evasion.
1991 At the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center (SLAC) in
California, the first web server outside of Europe was
installed.
1994 The Brazilian Supreme Court acquitted former President
Fernando Collor de Mello of corruption charges that had
forced him to resign in 1992.
1994 IBM stopped shipments of personal computers with Intel's
flawed Pentium chip.
1995 The U.S. Senate stopped a constitutional amendment
giving Congress authority to outlaw flag burning and other
forms of desecration against the American flag.
1995 Two French airmen shot down over Bosnia arrived home
after almost four months of being held captive by the Bosnian
Serbs.
1997 Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, the international terrorist known
as "Carlos the Jackal," went on trial in Paris on charges of
killing two French investigators and a Lebanese national. He
was convicted and sentenced to life in prison.
1997 The U.S. Justice Department ordered Microsoft to sell
its Internet browser separately from its Windows operating
system to prevent it from building a monopoly of Web access
programs. Microsoft ignored that order.
2000 The U.S. Supreme Court found that the recount ordered by
the Florida Supreme Court in the 2000 U.S. Presidential
election was unconstitutional. U.S. Vice President Al Gore
conceded the election to Texas Gov. George W. Bush the next
day.
2000 Timothy McVeigh, over the objections of his lawyers,
abandoned his final round of appeals and asked that his
execution be set within 120 days. McVeigh was convicted of
the April 1995 truck bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Fedal
Building in Oklahoma City, OK, that killed 168 and injured
500.
2001 Gerardo Hernandez was sentenced to life in prison for
being the leader of a Cuban spy ring. His conviction was
based on his role in the infiltration of U.S. military bases
and in the deaths of four Cuban-Americans whose planes were
shot down five years before.
2001 In Beverly Hills, CA, actress Winona Ryder was arrested
at Saks Fifth Avenue for shoplifting and possessing
pharmaceutical drugs without a prescription. The numerous
items of clothing and hair accessories were valued at $4,760.
2002 North Korea announced that it would reactivate a nuclear
power plant that U.S. officials believed was being used to
develop weapons.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, December 8
Today I have to go to Calgary for more injections into my
eyeballs. That means no newsletters get sent out on Friday,
Saturday or Sunday.
>From Master Chief Jim
Seventy five years ago today it was a cold, spitting snow
Sunday in North East Arkansas. I took my 22 rifle and ole Tip
and went hunting. It was so cold no game was moving out of
their nests, so it was a fruitless hunt. When I got home the
Radio was going and I learned that Pearl Harbor had been
attacked by the Japanese. I didn't even know Pearl and was
wondering what she did to cause the Japanese to attack her. I
learned what Pearl Harbor IS and soon joined the navy, and as
you say, the rest is history. SUPPORT THE TROOPS.
Master Chief Jim
Right now, the Gullible Warming that warms up the climate and
makes the weather colder, if you believe the grant
recipients, is -28 Celsius (-18 Fahrenheit) on the
thermometer outside my window. In the Yukon it is -40, I
heard.
The days are getting longer. 7 1/2 minutes longer than in the
days of Babylon. Theoretically, that should cause some
warming! We need more muscle cars and cheaper gas. Recycle
the grant recipients! Otherwise we will slip into another ice
age!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Couple uses stun gun on Walmart greeter asking for receipt
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 8 in
1941 The United States entered World War II when it declared
war against Japan. The act came one day after the Japanese
attacked Pearl Harbor. Canada declared war on Japan the day
before, on December 7.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the
importance of turning around three times before lying down.
--- Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945)
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who
does not ask remains a fool forever.
--- Chinese Proverb
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A sailor, while bringing flowers to a cemetery, noticed an
old Chinese man placing a bowl of rice on a nearby grave.
The sailor walked up to the man and asked, "When do you
expect your friend to come up and eat the rice?"
The old Chinese man replied with a smile, "Same time your
friend comes up to smell the flowers."
______________________________________________________
A doctor sees an old man walking down the street with a
gorgeous young lady on his arm.
The next time the old man had an appointment, the doc says,
"You're really doing great, aren't you?"
"Just doing what you told me, Doctor. Get a hot mamma
and be cheerful."
"I didn't say that... I said, You've got a heart murmur, be
careful!"
"Too late!", the old man cackled, "I'm doing just fine with
my interpretation!"
-------
As soon as I win the lottery, I am going to switch to
that interpretation too!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Roland for this one:
These three dudes break out of prison. One is white, one
black, and one Mexican. They are going through the woods
trying to get away, and they hear the guard dogs coming.
They come out of the woods to a swamp with alligators.
The white man says, "I've got to try to swim across. If I
don't, the dogs will get me."
So he jumps in and swims about fifty feet, and the
alligators eat him.
The black guy is standing there looking at the swamp,
and the dogs are getting closer, so he says,
"I'm bigger and stronger than that white dude,
I think I can out swim those alligators."
So he jumps in, swims about a hundred feet,
and the alligators eat him.
The Mexican is standing there, afraid to jump in,
when the dogs come out of the woods barking, so he jumps
in, and he swims all the way across and gets away.
A little alligator says to a big alligator, "Why did we eat
the first two guys, but let the Mexican go?"
The big alligator says, "The last time I ate a Mexican,
my butt burned for three days!"
______________________________________________________
Come on out and play!
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
David Davis, Jr., 42,
Natasha Hall, 38
Indian Trail,
N.C.
Couple uses stun gun on Walmart greeter asking for receipt
A couple attempting to steal a TV from a Walmart used a stun
gun on a 65-year-old store greeter who asked them for a sales
receipt.
The man and woman fled after Sunday morning's incident in
Indian Trail, N.C. and police are still searching for the
duo.
The suspects, David Davis, Jr., 42, and Natasha Hall, 38,
will be charged with common law robbery. Davis will face an
additional charge for assault with a deadly weapon.
The Charlotte Observer reports Davis committed a similar
crime with a different partner in 2015 at a nearby Lowe's.
In the previous encounter, Davis threatened the employee with
a knife. Davis was charged with robbery with a dangerous
weapon.
There is no word on the condition of the female greeter.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From Daniel
RE: Not receiving the subscription
Dear Webby,
i am nor receiving you daily letter through email.i have to
go to i.e. my isp could not get it either.
daniel
Dear Daniel
Tell your ISP he is either lying or incompetent.
Or both.
Your newsletter does enter ATT.NET.
What happens after it has entered ATT.NET is their
responsibility, not mine.
Many thousands of subscribers receive the Humor letter OK. If
you can't get ATT.NET to fix their problem, get a Gmail
address on the side.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
From Ross
At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to
wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 34. Then
I heard the voice on the public address system saying,
"We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight
570 will board from Gate 41."
Almost everybody who was waiting for the flight at Gate 35,
next to my 34, picked up their luggage and carried it over
to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address
voice announced that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding
from Gate 35.
Soon after that all those people trundled into the waitng
ara again. Then the public address voice spoke again:
"Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness
program, we just found out that the plane for flight 570 is
actually at gate 53, not 35. Mumble Mumble Mumble
Mumble dyslexic pilots!"

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keeping Your Windshield Free of Snow and Ice
By Brianna Southworth [75 Posts, 2 Comments]
Winter in Alaska where we live can be so harsh! No matter
where you live, though, scraping ice off of your car in the
early morning is just no one's idea of fun. This is the BEST
WAY to keep your windshield frost free.
Wipe the windows and windshield of your vehicle down with
white vinegar, undiluted, after you park your car for the
night. This will prevent frost from building on your car, and
who doesn't LOVE that?
By AlaskanAurora from Dutch Harbor, Alaska

Jingle Bell Hoops

____________________________________________________
Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
Because every time they shoot them off,
the French try to surrender.
____________________________________________________

Looks like a ghost is still fighting the Civil War! Watch the cannons.

A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in
the farmer's garden. "I'll give you my two pennies for that
tomato," said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe
fruit hanging on the vine.
"No," said the farmer, "I get a dime for a tomato like that
one."
The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, "Will you take
two pennies for that one?"
"Yes," replied the farmer, "I'll give you that one for two
cents."
"OK," said the lad, sealing the deal by putting the coins in
the farmer's hand, "I'll pick it up in about a week."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 8
1765 Eli Whitney was born in Westboro, MA. Whitney invented
the cotton gin and developed the concept of mass-production
of interchangeable parts.
1776 George Washington's retreating army in the American
Revolution crossed the Delaware River from New Jersey to
Pennsylvania.
1854 Pope Pius IX proclaimed the dogma of the Immaculate
Conception. The theory holds that Mary, mother of Jesus, was
free of original sin from the moment she was conceived.
1863 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln announced his plan for
the Reconstruction of the South.
1863 Tom King of England defeated American John Heenan and
became the first world heavyweight champion.
1886 At a convention of union leaders in Columbus, OH, the
American Federation of Labor was founded.
1941 The United States entered World War II when it declared
war against Japan. The act came one day after the Japanese
attacked Pearl Harbor. Canada declared war on Japan on the
day Japan attacked Pearl Harbor
1949 The Chinese Nationalist government moved from the
Chinese mainland to Formosa due to Communists pressure.
1952 On the show "I Love Lucy," a pregnancy was acknowledged
in a TV show for the first time.
1962 Workers of the International Typographical Union began
striking and closed nine New York City newspapers. The strike
lasted 114 days and ended April 1, 1963.
1980 Zimbabwe’s manpower minister, Edgar Tekere, was found
guilty in the killing of a white farmer. He was freed under a
law that protected ministers acting to suppress terrorism.
1982 Norman D. Mayer demanding an end to nuclear weapons held
the Washington Monument hostage. He threatened to blow it up
with explosives he claimed were inside a van. 10 hours later
he was shot to death by police.
1984 In Roanoke, Virginia, a jury found Hustler magazine
publisher Larry Flynt innocent of libeling Reverend Jerry
Falwell with a parody advertisement. However Falwell was
awarded $200,000 for emotional distress.
1987 U.S. President Reagan and Soviet leader Mikhail S.
Gorbachev signed a treaty agreeing to destroy their nations'
arsenals of intermediate-range nuclear missiles.
1987 The "intefadeh" (Arabic for uprising) by Palestinians in
the Israeli-occupied territories began.
1989 Communist leaders in Czechoslovakia offered to surrender
their control over the government and accept a minority role
in a coalition Cabinet.
1992 Americans got to see live television coverage of U.S.
troops landing on the beaches of Somalia during Operation
Restore Hope. (Due to the time difference, it was December 9
in Somalia.)
1993 U.S. President Clinton signed into law the North
American Free Trade Agreement.
1994 Bosnian Serbs released dozens of hostage peacekeepers,
but continued to detain about 300 others.
1997 The second largest bank was created with the
announcement that Union Bank Switzerland and the Swiss Bank
Corporation would merge. The combined assets were more than
$590 billion.
1997 Jenny Shipley was sworn in as the first female prime
minister of New Zealand.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police could not
search a person or their cars after ticketing for a routine
traffic violation.
1998 The FBI opened its files on Frank Sinatra to the public.
The file contained over 1,300 pages.
1998 Nkem Chukwu and Iyke Louis Udobi's first of eight babies
was born. The other seven were delivered 12 days later.
1998 AT&T Corp. announced that it was buying IBM's data
networking business for $5 billion cash.
1998 The first female ice hockey game in Olympic history was
played. Finland beat Sweden 6-0.
1999 In Memphis, TN, a jury found that Rev. Martin Luther
King Jr. had been the victim of a vast murder conspiracy, not
a lone assassin.
1999 Russia and Belarus agreed in principle to form an
economic and political confederation.
2000 Mario Lemieux announced to the Pittsburgh Penguins that
he planned to return to the National Hockey League (NHL) as a
player at age 35. He would be the first modern owner-player
in U.S. pro sports.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, December 7
The correct answer is 6
I was truly surprised at how man wrote back with the right answer.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Floriduh Woman kicked elder parishioner,
stole wallet at church. Got arrested.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 6 in
1941 Pearl Harbor, located on the Hawaiian island of Oahu was
attacked by nearly 200 Japanese warplanes in retaliation for
US actions in Asia. The attack resulted in the U.S. entering
into World War II.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Few people can see genius in someone who has offended them.
--- Robertson Davies
I won't take my religion from any man who never works
except with his mouth.
--- Carl Sandburg (1878 - 1967)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
If somebody is pestering you for your phone number, or if
you want to detour a telemarketer, give them this number:
1 212-479-7990
It's the New York Rejection Line.
For numbers in other states, check out
http://www.rejectionline.com/copycat.html
Go ahead, and call that number, to hear what a caller will
get! You can use Skype to call long distance, but it is
usually best to pick a n umber for your state.
______________________________________________________
A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past
a row of empty shopping carts when the cart-girl standing
there called after him, "Excuse me, did you want a cart?"
"No," he answered. "I'm only after one thing."
As he walked into the store, he heard her murmur,
"Typical male!"
______________________________________________________
Gingerbread Cookies
Ingredients:
3 c. sugar
1 1/2 c. lard
1 c. molasses
1 c. hot water
2 T. ginger
1 T. soda
1 T. lemon
Pinch of salt
2 eggs
Flour enough to make a stiff dough (8 c.)
Directions:
Mix first 9 ingredients. Add flour to make a stiff dough.
Chill in refrigerator.
Cut into gingerbread men and decorate with
raisin eyes, nose, and buttons.
Bake at 350 degrees.
If you like them almost moist,
and chewey instead of brittle, add some apple or pear sauce.
If you accidentally make too many, send them to me, please!
______________________________________________________
From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Brenda Yancy,
56,
Sanford,
Floriduh
Floriduh Woman kicked elder parishioner,
stole wallet at church. Got arrested.
Sanford police arrested a woman Sunday who they say kicked a
76-year-old parishioner who tried to stop the woman from
stealing a purse.
Police said the parishioner set her purse on a bench while
opening up Rescue Outreach Mission church at 1701 Historic
Goldsboro Blvd. and walked out of the room for a moment.
When she came back, Brenda Yancy, 56, was standing over the
purse and holding a wallet, according to police.
The parishioner asked Yancy to return the wallet and money. A
struggle ensued and Yancy kicked the woman and threw a punch
toward her face, police said. She then ran from the building,
police said.
Officers found her not far from the church and arrested her
on charges of robbery, battery on a person 65 years old or
older and possession of drug paraphernalia.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From Kate
RE: printed file list
Dear Webby,
I know Windows doesn't have an easy way to print a list of
the file names in a folder, but I have received CD's from
friends that had a neatly printed list of the files. I don't
want dates or sizes, just the file names.
How is that done?
Kate
Dear Kate
There are two ways to do that.
One is to go to the DOS command line and type a simple
command, the other method is to get DirectoryListPrint from
Switzerland, and learn to use that program.
It is at
List Print
Personally, because I love the raw power of DOS, I use that.
First go to the directory (folder) that you want listed.
At the top. Look at the address at the top, right-click it
and select Copy address as text
Next hit START, type cmd and hit ENTER
You'll get the scary old DOS window in black.
If you don't like a black screen with light grey writing,
change it!
color 9e
gives you bright yellow on blue background.
color 9a gives you fluorescent green on blue.
Just play with it till you find a combo that suits your mood.
The number is for the background, the letter for the text
color.
Now go to the drive where those folders are. If they are on a
CD, that would probably be drive D:
So type D: and hit ENTER.
The prompt instantly changes to show you are on D:
Type CD and a space.
Now you can either type the name of the folder you want,
or paste it.
Pasting is still the same as it was in the 80's. Microsoft
has not updated that.
Right-click on the top bar, type E or select EDIT,
type P or select Paste. In DOS you can do everything without
taking your hands off the keyboard and hunting for the mouse.
OK, now the propmt reads, for example:
D:>CD Music\gospel
Hit Enter
CD is for Change (to) Directory
Note that on Windows the \ leans to the left, unlike the
/ right leaning slash of UNIX and Linux.
Now the prompt reads
D:\Music\gospel
To get the listing of all the files in there, including all
the subdirectories in that, type
dir /s
WOW! Exactly what you want is flashing by on the screen.
All 2750 gospel songs,
separated into each different category folder.
You COULD mark and copy all that, but there is a much easier
way.
dir /s >c:\list1.txt
instantly puts all that into a neat text file, easy to find
in C:\, called list1.txt
You can open that with any text editor or word processor or
spreadsheet, pretty it up and format it to print any way you
want, for example to fit into a CD case.
If you type dir /? you will see all kinds of options for
different formatting of the results.
Try them out! dir /s is by no means the only suitable way to
list the files.
dir /b (bare) is also quite handy.
If all that sounds too complicated, get that program from
Switzerland, in English or German, and read their
instructions. Then you can do it all by just mousing around.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved
auctions; whle his hobby was golf.
The other night, during a deep sleep, the man yelled,
'Fore!'
His wife, also in a deep sleep and not missing a beat,
yelled back, 'Four Fifty!'

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade Dried and Caramelized Onions
By attosa [258 Posts, 586 Comments]
When I find a great deal on onions, I buy a large amount and
make these dried and caramelized onions. It ends up being a
whole lot cheaper and more tasty than buying dried onions in
bottles. You can make these in the oven, in a dehydrator, or
even in the sun! To make onion powder, run the finished
product in a processor.
Prep Time: 2 to 4 hours
Ingredients:
onions
oil for caramelized onions (1 tsp per onion)
Steps:
Cut onions into halves, then thinly slice with knife or
mandolin.
Spread a thin layer onto a rack. If you're using sunlight,
you can have your onions ready in a few hours. If you're
using your oven, set temperature to 200F for about 3 hours.
To use your dehydrator, place sliced onions on dehydrator
trays and set to 125F for about 4 hours. Rotate your trays
half way for even drying.
To make caramelized onions, coat the bottom of a pan with 1
tsp of oil to every sliced whole onion. Heat to medium,
cooking until browned, stirring often. It's best not to crowd
the pan as they will steam up and produce water.
Instead of a Mandolin I use a Borner "V" cutter and make tiny
cubes. Aside from being much safer, the little cubes
practically disappear in gravies and sauces, just leaving the
flavor behind.
I also use a lot less oil. I use an ancient Amway window
cleaner sprayer from the 80's, and just give the pan a light
misting of oil and then another fast squirt onto the onions.
That's enough, especially when filling my one gallon pickle
jar with browned onion cubelets. I want them feeling dry, not
oily.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Mog's Christmas

____________________________________________________
A teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their
favorite Old Testament story, and as she moved around the
class, she saw there were many wonderful drawings being done.
Then she came across Johnny who had drawn a man driving an
old car. In the back seat were two passengers, both scantily
dressed.
"It's a lovely picture," said the teacher, "but which story
does it tell?"
Johnny seemed surprised at the question. "Well," he
exclaimed, "it says in the BIBLE that God drove Adam and Eve
out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury?"
Then he added proudly, "And THAT is the Plymouth Fury!
Uncle Bubba has it on blocks in front of his trailer!"
____________________________________________________

Awesome glow in the dark tattoos.

>From Mimi
When my granddaughter, Marissa, was 4 yrs. old, we were
waiting in the car at the school to pick up her brother,
Michael, and her cousin, Mark. Marissa was sitting in the
back seat of the car, eating gummy bears candies and said to
me, "Mimi, guess what color I am eating now. Of course, I
was looking in the rear view mirror and told her each and
every color she was eating. Marissa
was so surprised and she said, "How do you know what color
the candy is?"
I told her that I was a psychic. Two days later, while
in the middle of driving, she again asked me what color candy
she was eating. This time I couldn't keep on looking in the
mirror, so I just guessed any color.
Marissa then said, "Oh, Mimi, I guess you're not a psycho
anymore."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 7
1431 In Paris, Henry VI of England was crowned King of
France.
1732 The original Covent Garden Theatre Royal (now the Royal
Opera House) was opened.
1787 Delaware became the first state to ratify the U.S.
constitution becoming the first of the United States.
1907 At London's National Sporting Club, Eugene Corri became
the first referee to officiate from inside a boxing ring.
1925 Swimmer Johnny Weissmuller set a world record in the
150-yard freestyle with a time of 1 minute, 25 and 2/5
seconds. He went on to play "Tarzan" in several movies.
1926 The gas operated refrigerator was patented by The
Electrolux Servel Corporation.
1941 Pearl Harbor, located on the Hawaiian island of Oahu was
attacked by nearly 200 Japanese warplanes in retaliation for
US actions in Asia. The attack resulted in the U.S. entering
into World War II.
1946 A fire at the Winecoff Hotel in Atlanta killed 119
people. It was America's worst hotel fire disaster. The hotel
founder, W. Frank Winecoff, was also killed in the fire.
1971 Libya announced the nationalization of British
Petroleum's assets.
1972 Apollo 17 was launched at Cape Canaveral. It was the
last U.S. moon mission.
1972 Imelda Marcos, wife of Philippine President Ferdinand E.
Marcos, was stabbed and seriously wounded by an assailant.
The man was then shot and killed by her bodyguards.
1974 President Makarios returned to Cyprus after five months
in exile.
1980 General Antonio Ramlho Eanes was reelected president of
Portugal. His right-wing opposition was thrown into disarray
by the death of Premier Francisco Sa Carneiro in a plane
crash.
1982 Charlie Brooks Junior, a convicted murderer, became the
first prisoner in the U.S. to be executed by injection, at a
prison in Huntsville, TX.
1983 Madrid, Spain, an Aviaco DC-9 collided on a runway with
an Iberia Air Lines Boeing 727 that was accelerating for
takeoff. The collision resulted in the death of all 42 people
aboard the DC-9 and 51 on the Iberia jet.
1987 Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev set foot on American
soil for the first time. He had come to the U.S. for a
Washington summit with U.S. President Reagan.
1987 43 people were killed when a gunman opened fire on a
fellow passenger and the two pilots aboard a Pacific
Southwest Airlines jetliner.
1988 An estimated 25,000 people were killed when a major
earthquake hit northern Armenia in the Soviet Union. The
quake measured 6.9 on the Richter Scale.
1988 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev announced the
reduction of the number of Soviet military troops by half a
million.
1989 East Germany's Communist Party agreed to cooperate with
the plan for free elections and a revised constitution.
1992 The U.S. Supreme Court rejected a Mississippi abortion
law which required women to get counseling and then wait 24
hours before terminating their pregnancies.
1993 Six people were killed and 17 were injured when a gunman
opened fire on a Long Island Rail Road commuter train.
1993 Energy Secretary Hazel O'Leary revealed that the U.S.
government had conducted more than 200 nuclear weapons tests
in secret at its Nevada test site.
1993 Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders suggested that the U.S.
government study the impact of drug legalization.
1995 A probe sent from the Galileo spacecraft entered into
Jupiter's atmosphere. The probe sent back data to the
mothership before it was destroyed.
1996 The space shuttle Columbia returned from the longest-
ever shuttle flight of 17 days, 15 hours and 54 minutes.
1998 The U.N. evacuated 14 peacekeepers that were trapped by
fighting between army and rebel forces in central Angola.
1998 U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno declined to seek an
independent counsel investigation of President Clinton over
1996 campaign financing.
1999 A U.S. federal grand jury indicted a former convict in
the 1995 disappearance of atheist leader Madalyn Murray
O'Hair.
2002 In Amsterdam, Netherlands, two Van Gogh paintings were
stolen from the Van Gogh Museum. The two works were "View of
the Sea st Scheveningen" and "Congregation Leaving the
Reformed Church in Nuenen." On July 26, 2004, two men were
convicted for the crime and were sentenced to at least four
years in prison each.
2002 In Mymensingh, Bangladesh, four movies theaters were
bombed within 30 minutes of each other. At least 15 people
were killed and over 200 were injured.
2003 A 12-inch by 26-inch painting of a river landscape and
sailing vessel by Martin Johnson Heade was sold at auction
for $1 million. The painting was found in the attic of a
suburban Boston home where it had been stored for more than
60 years.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, December 6
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Road Rage Bozo points gun at off-duty cop.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 6 in
1774 Austria became the first nation to introduce a national
education system.
1926 In Italy, Benito Mussolini introduced a tax on
bachelors.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to
add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
--- Antoine de Saint-Exupery (1900 - 1944)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales
on display at the department store.
"What is it for?" one asked.
"I don't know," the other replied. "I think it tells
you when somebody messed up. When mom when stands
on it, she gets more upset than when my sister brings her
report card home."
______________________________________________________
Customer: "I'd like an under the mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large
variety, $1.95 each.."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my
computer?"
Salesperson: "Hmmm, have you got one of those new
Pentiums ?"
Customer: "Yes, it's a 17" !"
Salesperson: "Then you better get one of these $29.95
mousepads"
Customer: "But, is it Y2K approved ?"
Salesperson: "Well,...to be on the safe side, maybe
you should get one of these blue ones for $49.95."
______________________________________________________
An old Indian chief was famous for predicting what the
weather would do. A group of people went up to the
chief and asked him, "What will the weather be like
tomorrow?"
The chief replied, "Much rain. Very wet."
The next day, it did rain and it was very wet. Some
more people went up to the chief and asked, "What will
the weather be like tomorrow?"
"Much snow. Very cold."
Sure enough, it snowed and it was very cold.
People were so impressed with this, they asked him
another time. Chief," they asked, "what will the
weather do tomorrow?"
The chief replied, "I dunno. I was watching wrestling
instead of the weather channel."
______________________________________________________
From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Jack Michael Haberkorn,
22,
Palm Beach Gardens,
Floriduh
Road Rage Bozo points gun at off-duty cop.
A Palm Beach Gardens man is facing charges that he pointed a
gun at another motorist Saturday during a road rage incident,
according to an arrest report.
If the accusation proves true, then Jack Michael Haberkorn
picked the wrong victim.
The person Haberkorn allegedly threatened turned to be an
off-duty Palm Beach Gardens police officer.
Haberkorn, 22, is now facing charges of aggravated assault
with a deadly weapon, carrying a concealed weapon, improperly
exhibiting a firearm and possession of a controlled substance
without a prescription and is being held in the Palm Beach
County Jail in lieu of $81,000 bail.
The road rage incident took place eastbound on PGA Boulevard
and began when a 2014 Volkswagon Jetta driven by Haberkorn
cut in front of the off-duty officer and “continuously”
braked hard, the report said.
The officer said she pulled up along the Jetta and said,
“Really … really?” Haberkorn allegedly responded by reaching
down and pointing the weapon out the window and at the woman
while stating, “You better watch who the [expletive] you’re
[expletive] with,” the report said.
The officer alerted police and followed the Jetta until it
ran a red light at the intersection of PGA Boulevard and Lake
Victoria Gardens Avenue.
Police tracked down Haberkorn and found a loaded .40-caliber
Glock in his possession as well as Xanax and burglary tools
inside his vehicle. The off-duty officer positively
identified Haberkorn as the person who pointed the weapon at
her.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From Anita
RE: Mobile office
Dear Webby,
You seem to be able to work while travelling. I have been
trying to convince my husband that it can be done just as
easy as working from home, at least for the time necessary
for a trip to Canada and the USA.
What kinds of preparations would you recommend?
Thanks
Anita
Dear Anita
First and foremost make sure that NOBODY in your travel party
has any DUI (Driving Under the Influemnce of alcohol or
drugs) on their record. If they do have a record, they will
be handuffed in the airport and sent right back, at THEIR
expense. Depending on the airport, they may even have to pay
for an armed guard to escort them back to your country.
All the yelling and screaming won't help. It's reciprocal
treaties.
Second step is to get a multi socket adapter where you can
plug all your electronic devices in. A 5 outlet cube usually
is enough, but you can stack those cubes. You can also get
work shop style power bars with 6 to 10 outlets.
The idea is to reduce all the different plugs to one single
one.
Then get an adapter that has a female outlet for the plugs in
your country, which seem to be different for every country
in Europe, and the male plug on it for US/Canada/Central
America/Japan:
NEMA plug
For ungrounded or double insulated devices like any of your
electronics you don't need the third grounding prong. The
slightly larger blade for the grounded side takes care of
that.
Don't worry about the AC frequency. All your electronics run
on DC anyway. The same goes for the voltage. Whatever the
input is, it gets automatically converted to whatever each
device needs. If somebody tries to talk you into buying an
expensive voltage and/or frequency converter, tell them you
don't need that. All you need is a plug style converter:
your country on the female side, NEMA on the male side.
No need for an expensive 49 country adapter, just your
country to NEMA, which is usually under $5
For Internet connectivity you can relax. All hotels, Tim
Hortons, Wendys , Burger King, McDonalds, Dennys, etc. have
WiFi. Just get the password from the waitress or waiter.
If you put your laptop into checked luggage, keep in mind
that they slam it onto the conveyor upside down, wheels UP.
So put the laptop at the bottom, wheel side. The apes, who
load the luggage from the carts onto the conveyor, that goes
up into the airplane, they just LOVE slamming luggage onto
the hard bottom roller and listen for the sound of tinkling
laptop screens. The excuse is that if they put it on the belt
with the bottom (wheels) down, it might roll off the
conveyor. It wouldn't, but that is their story.
That's all there is.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Fran and Jane were at one of the benches for smokers outside
Dallas/Fort Worth airport. They were quite obviously nervous
about their flight and had bought some flight insurance at
the terminal.
They told me that they couldn't make up their minds about
who to name as beneficiaries, so they had ended up each
naming the other.
I was quite amused when I saw them both get up at the same
time to board the same plane.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
CD Jewel Case Picture Frame
By Christina from Paducah, KY
I took an old CD case and popped the two pieces apart, turned
the clear side around and put it back together so now it
would stand up in an A frame. Then I took a picture some
stickers and some patterned paper and made a picture frame
out of it.
Source: I read somewhere you could make a frame from a CD
case so I tried it out. Not sure where but thanks if someone
from here.

the need is great, folks, help sponsor a Millenial!

____________________________________________________
British Subway Announcements:
At Camden town station (on a crowded Saturday afternoon):
"Please let the passengers off the train first. Please let
the passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers
off the train first. Let the passengers OFF THE TRAIN FIRST!
Oh go on then, get run over by Big Bertha, see if I care,
I'm going home."
"I am sorry about the delay, apparently some nutter has just
wandered into the tunnel at Euston. We don't know when
we'll be moving again, but these people tend to come out
pretty quickly...usually in bits and pieces."
____________________________________________________

Photos of horses.

Count the "F"s in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.
Tell me before I send the answer tomorrow.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 6
1774 Austria became the first nation to introduce a national
education system.
1865 The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was
ratified. The amendment abolished slavery in the U.S.
1877 Thomas Edison demonstrated the first gramophone, with a
recording of himself reciting Mary Had a Little Lamb.
1884 The construction of the Washington Monument was
completed by Army engineers. The project took 34 years.
1889 Jefferson Davis died in New Orleans. He was the first
and only president of the Confederate States of America.
1907 In Monongah, WV, 361 people were killed in America's
worst mine disaster.
1917 More than 1,600 people died when two munitions ships
collided in the harbor at Halifax, Nova Scotia.
1917 Finland proclaimed independence from Russia.
1921 The Catholic Irish Free State was created as a self-
governing dominion of Britain when an Anglo-Irish treaty was
signed.
1923 U.S. President Calvin Coolidge became the first
president to give a presidential address that was broadcast
on radio.
1926 In Italy, Benito Mussolini introduced a tax on
bachelors.
1947 Everglades National Park in Florida was dedicated by
U.S. President Truman.
1957 AFL-CIO members voted to expel the International
Brotherhood of Teamsters. The Teamsters were readmitted in
1987.
1957 America's first attempt at putting a satellite into
orbit failed when the satellite blew up on the launch pad at
Cape Canaveral, FL.
1982 11 soldiers and 6 civilians were killed when a bomb
exploded in a pub in Ballykelly, Northern Ireland. The Irish
National Liberation Army was responsible for planting the
bomb.
1983 In Jerusalem, a bomb planted on a bus exploded killing
six Israelis and wounding 44.
1989 The worst mass shooting in Canadian history occurred
when a man gunned down 14 women at the University of
Montreal's school of engineering. The man then killed
himself.
1990 Iraq announced that it would release all its 2,000
foreign hostages.
1992 In India, thousands of Hindu extremists destroyed a
mosque. The following two months of Hindu-Muslim rioting
resulted in at least 2,000 people being killed.
1993 Former priest James R. Porter was sentenced to 18 to 20
years in prison. Porter had admitted molesting 28 children in
the 1960s.
1994 Orange County, CA, filed for bankruptcy protection due
to investment losses of about $2 billion. The county is one
of the richest in the U.S. and became the largest
municipality to file for bankruptcy.
1997 A Russian Antonov 124 military transport crashed into a
residential area in Irkutsk, Russia, shortly after takeoff.
70 people were killed.
1998 In Venezuela, former Lieutenant Colonel Hugo Chavez was
elected president. He had staged a bloody coup attempt
against the government six years earlier.
1998 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavour connected
the first two building blocks of the international space
station in the shuttle cargo bay.
2002 Winona Ryder was sentenced to 36 months of probation and
480 hours of community service stemming from her conviction
for shoplifting from Saks Fifth Avenue. She was also ordered
to pay $10,000 in fines and restitution.
2002 Officials released the detailed plans for a $4.7 million
memorial commemorating Princess Diana. The large oval
fountain was planned to be constructed in London's Hyde Park.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, December 5
Where I grew up in the mountains of Austria, Saint Nicholas
used to visit in the evening of December 5, berate and
thundered at the kids about their sins and misbehaviors,
praise them for the few things they had done right, and give
them a cloth baggie with ginger bread, the fresh, soft kind,
and maybe an orange and a little chocolate bar.
When I was in college, because I had a motor bike, and
because my voice had already broken to the deep adult voice,
I got ordered to go play Santa at Jagdberg, the juvenile jail
and institutional school.
I don't know who was more scared, me of the hordes of
juvenile delinquents, or the kids of the windblown and rather
rough looking Santa. However, the teachers gave me a double
shot of "cherry water", a clear and very potent locally
distilled moonshine.
No problem after that. One classroom at a time, with a page
for each kid. I was thundering at them like a pro in no time
flat. The deal was to first get the juves to show a tear or
two, then to make them smile.
And on the way to the next classroom some of the teachers
made me smile.
I was almost sorry when I had finished the 25 classrooms. By
then I was just flying. To crown it, the dean handed me the
bag and the sheets for all of the staff. So I thundered at
them!
After that, they gave me a baggie of goodies and bid me good
bye. So I rode my bike, fake beard flowing in the wind, to my
girlfriend's place and played Santa there. She sure made me
smile!
Good old days!
I did that 5 years in a row.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
NY burglar caught in vent above Pontillo's Pizza
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 5 in
1797 Napoleon Bonaparte arrived in Paris to command forces
for the invasion of England.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the
world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
--- Jerry Seinfeld
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Q: Why are dogs sniffing hydrants ?
A: Checking their PeeMail
______________________________________________________
When I consider how sweaters tend to make me sweat,
I'm a lot less inclined to wear my windbreaker.
______________________________________________________
Two guys are driving through Texas when they get
pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up,
taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver
rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in
the head with the stick.
The driver says, "Why'd you do that?"
The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When I pull
you over, you'll have your license ready."
Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around
here."
The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and
he's clean. He gives the guy his license back and
walks around to the passenger side and taps on the
window.The passenger rolls his window down, and the
trooper smacks him with the nightstick.
The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?"
The cop says, "Just making your wishes come true."
The passenger says, "Huh?"
The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road
you're gonna say, 'I wish that schmuck would've tried
that stuff with me!' "
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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______________________________________________________
Reported by Moe
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Richard Graham,
53,
Rochester,
NY
Rochester, NY burglar caught in vent above Pontillo's
A man was arrested early Friday morning after getting stuck
in an air duct while allegedly trying to burglarize a pizza
shop.
This happened around 3:45 a.m. at the Pontillo's Pizzeria in
Penfield at Rt. 441 and Five Mile Line Road.
David Reed was hanging up Christmas lights at a neighboring
business and heard someone yelling for help.
"I was asking, 'Where are you?' - and same thing - 'Get me
out of here!' I said, 'Okay I'll find out who can go up there
and look,'" said Reed.
Monroe County Sheriff's deputies found 53-year-old Richard
Graham stuck in an air vent above a pizza oven in Pontillo's
Pizzeria.
It took the Penfield Fire Department about 20 minutes to cut
Graham out of the vent.
Graham was transported to Strong Memorial Hospital for minor
injuries where he was treated and released to deputies.
Graham was arraigned in Penfield Town Court on charges of
third degree burglary, second degree criminal mischief and
possession of burglary tools. He was remanded to the Monroe
County Jail with no bail due to his status as a predicate
felon.
Graham caused more than $2,000 in damages to the pizzeria,
according to the Monroe County Sheriff's Office.
NYSDOCCS records indicate Graham has served at least six
prison sentences, starting with a conviction for robbery and
burglary back in 1986.
He was remanded to the Monroe County Jail with no bail due to
his status as a predicate felon
He had just been released from jail on November 21 after
pleading guilty to two felony charges. He was scheduled to be
sentenced next week.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Denise
RE: Fake Winzip
Dear Webby,
Dear Webby,
I get notices from Win Zip to purchase their program.
I checked and I have Win Zip until August 2017.
I have a problem in entering the "key" to verify this.
Win Zip says that I have 900+ errors and wants me to purchase.
Can you help?
Denise
Dear Denise
The real WinZip does not do that.
900+ errors is a sure sign of a fake program and infection.
Don't give your key to the fake one!
Uninstall the fake one,
run McAfee and Malwarebytes
and then download a fresh one directly from Winzip.com
Since nowadays no or almost no LEGITIMATE programs still use
zip files, I have let mine lapse ten or more years ago. I
have not missed it.
In case there is a legitimate program that requires
unzipping, I could use either the free Winzip or 7Zip.
Whenever something claims that you have hundreds of errors,
that is usually a sure sign of an infection making phony
claims.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
An old fellow was snoozing away contentedly when he
was startled awake by the doorbell. He staggered off
the couch to make his way to the door. There stood a
gorgeous young woman.
"Oh my goodness," the pretty young thing exclaimed,
"I'm at the wrong house."
"Sweetheart, you're at the right house," the old guy
assured her. "But you're forty years too late."

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Set Up a Week's Coffee on Sunday Night
By Carol L Craig [21 Posts, 71 Comments]
Save time by setting your weekly morning coffee up Sunday
night. Just fill up seven coffee filters with your favorite
grounds. Then stack the coffee filters on top of each other
and place them inside an empty coffee can with a sealable
lid. In the morning, just pull out a pre-filled filter, add
water to your pot, and serve to taste.
By florida gal from Spring Hill, FL
I learned that in the early 70s from
Sandy, a night shift waitress at the truck stop. When things
were slow, she set out a pack of filters in front of her
favorite customer, (me) I separated them for her, she dumped
a big scoop of coffee into each and lowered it into a tall
can, all the wile talking up a storm and flashing a nice
cleavage. Good old days!

Who needs a fishing net!

____________________________________________________
A paramedic was asked on a local TV talk-show program:
"What was your most unusual and challenging 911
call?"
"Recently we got a call from that big white church at
11th and Walnut," the paramedic said. "A frantic usher
was very concerned that during the sermon an elderly
man passed out in a pew and appeared to be dead.
The usher could find no pulse and there was no
noticeable breathing."
"What was so unusual and demanding about this
particular call?" the interviewer asked.
"Well," the paramedic said, "we carried out four guys
before we found the one who was dead."
____________________________________________________

Artist creates beautiful sculptures from the pages of books.

Leroy and Bubba drove into a lumberyard. Bubba walked
in and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
Bubba said, "I'll go check," and went back to the
truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant
two-by-fours."
"Alright. How long do you need them?" asked the clerk.
Bubba paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go
check."
After awhile, he returned to the office and said,
"A long time. We're gonna build a house."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 5
1560 Charles IX succeeded as King of France on the death of
Francis II.
1766 James Christie, founder of the famous auctioneers, held
his first sale in London.
1776 In Williamsburg, VA, at the College of William and Mary
the first scholastic fraternity in America, Phi Beta Kappa,
was organized.
1782 The first native U.S. president, Martin Van Buren, was
born in Kinderhook, NY.
1797 Napoleon Bonaparte arrived in Paris to command forces
for the invasion of England.
1812 Napoleon Bonaparte left his army as they were retreating
from Russia.
1848 U.S. President Polk triggered the Gold Rush of '49 by
confirming the fact that gold had been discovered in
California.
1876 The Stillson wrench was patented by D.C. Stillson. The
device was the first practical pipe wrench.
1901 Movie producer Walt Disney was born in Chicago. He
created his first Mickey Mouse cartoon at the age of 27.
1904 The Russian fleet was destroyed by the Japanese at Port
Arthur, during the Russo-Japanese War.
1908 At the University of Pittsburgh, numerals were first
used on football uniforms worn by college football players.
1913 Britain outlawed the sending of arms to Ireland.
1932 German physicist Albert Einstein was granted a visa
making it possible for him to travel to the U.S.
1933 Prohibition came to an end when Utah became the 36th
state to ratify the 21st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.
1934 Fighting broke out between Italian and Ethiopian troops
on the Somalian border.
1934 The Soviet Union executed 66 people charged with
plotting against Joseph Stalin's government.
1935 In Montebello, CA, the first commercial hydroponics
operation was established.
1936 The Soviet Union adopted a new Constitution under a
Supreme Council.
1944 During World War II, Allied troops took Ravenna, Italy.
1945 The so-called "Lost Squadron" disappeared. The five U.S.
Navy Avenger bombers carrying 14 Navy flyers began a training
mission at the Ft. Lauderdale Naval Air Station. They were
never heard from again.
1951 The first push button-controlled garage opened in
Washington, DC.
1955 The American Federation of Labor and the Congress of
Industrial Organizations merged to form the AFL-CIO.
1956 British and French forces began a withdrawal from Egypt
during the Suez War.
1958 Britain's first motorway, the Preston by-pass, was
opened by Prime Minister Macmillan.
1961 United Nations forces launched an attack in Katanga, the
Congo, near Elizabethville.
1962 The U.S. and the Soviet Union agreed to cooperate in the
peaceful uses of outer space.
1971 The Soviet Union, at United Nations Security Council,
vetoed a resolution calling for a cease-fire in hostilities
between India and Pakistan over Kashmir.
1976 Jacques Chirac re-founded the Gaullist party as the RPR
(Rassemblement pour la République).
1977 Egypt broke diplomatic relations with Syria, Libya,
Algeria, Iraq and South Yemen due to peaceful relations with
Israel.
1978 The American space probe Pioneer Venus I, orbiting
Venus, began beaming back its first information and picture
of the planet.
1979 Sonia Johnson was formally excommunicated by the Mormon
Church due to her outspoken support for the proposed Equal
Rights Amendment to the Constitution.
1983 In west Beirut, Lebanon, more than a dozen people were
killed when a car bomb shattered a nine-story apartment
building.
1983 The video arcade game "NFL Football" was unveiled in
Chicago. It was the first video arcade game to be licensed by
the National Football League.
1984 Iran's official news agency quoted the hijackers of a
Kuwaiti jetliner parked at Tehran airport as saying they
would blow up the plane unless Kuwait released 14 imprisoned
extremists.
1986 The Soviet Union said it would continue to abide by the
SALT II treaty limits on nuclear weapons. This was despite
the decision by the U.S. to exceed them.
1988 Jim Bakker and former aide Richard Dortch were indicted
by a federal grand jury in North Carolina on fraud and
conspiracy charges.
1989 Israeli soldiers killed five heavily armed Arab
guerrillas who crossed the border from Egypt. The guerrillas
were allegedly going to launch a terrorist attack
commemorating the anniversary of the Palestinian uprising.
1989 East Germany's former leaders were placed under house
arrest.
1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin kept the power to
appoint Cabinet ministers, defeating a constitutional
amendment that would have put his team of reformers under the
control of Russia's Congress.
1998 James P. Hoffa became the head of the Teamsters union,
23 years after his father was the head. His father
disappeared and was presumed dead.
2001 In Germany, Afghan leaders signed a pact to create a
temporary administration for post-Taliban Afghanistan. Two
women were included in the cabinet structure. Hamid Karzai
and his Cabinet were planned to take over power in
Afghanistan on December 22.
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 300 million applications
downloaded.
2010 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft became the longest-
operating spacecraft ever sent to Mars. The Odyssey entered
orbit around Mars on October 23, 2001.
2014 NASA's Orion Multi-Purpose Crew Vehicle (MPCV) debuted
when it was launched for a four hour test flight. It landed
on target in the Pacific Ocean.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, December 4
Thank you, Sig!!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Ohio Hunter accused of killing man’s beloved working dogs
is charged, loses job.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 4 in
1812 Peter Gaillard patented the power mower.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except
that the Boy Scouts have adult supervision.
--- Blake Clark
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty
years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The
original meal has never been found.
--- Calvin Trillin
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Bill from L.A. told me about their the power failure
today. His wife, Kathy, apparently heard a plane
flying low overhead. She noticed the plane's landing
lights were on and said,
"Must not be a widespread power outage -- the plane's
lights are on."
She was lucky she was not downtown. I heard that
during the latest power failure in Los Angeles
thousands of people were trapped for hours on store
escalators.
______________________________________________________
The visiting church school supervisor asks little
Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of
Jericho. Little Johnny replies that he does not know,
but it definitely was not him.
The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic
Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and
relates the whole incident.
The principal replies that he knows little Johnny as
well as his whole family very well and can vouch for
them, if little Johnny said that he did not do it, he
as principal is satisfied that it is the truth.
Even more appalled the inspector goes to the regional
Head of Education and relates the whole story.
After listening he replies: "I cannot see why you are
making such a big issue out of this; just get three
quotations and we'll choose a contractor to fix the
silly wall."
______________________________________________________
A 3-year-old went with his dad to see a litter
of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly
informed his mother that there were two boy
kittens and two girl kittens.
"How did you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked
underneath," he replied. "I think it's
printed on the bottom."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
Reported by Walter, the StonecarverAn INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Michael Chedester,
St. Clairsville,
Ohio
Hunter accused of killing man’s beloved working dogs
is charged, loses job.
The hunter accused of shooting and killing a Belmont County
man’s two beloved dogs now faces charges, and he’s lost his
job.
According to court records, Michael Chedester, of St.
Clairsville, faces two counts of cruelty to animals. His
arraignment is set for Dec. 8.
The charges are the first of their kind in Belmont County
under the newly-passed Goddard’s Law.
Pete Byers, the owner of the dogs named Bella and Emmy, first
posted about the situation on Monday — and it quickly spread
on social media.
Byers told WTOV that he was getting ready to head to
Pittsburgh with his dogs for a work trip when they
disappeared Monday.
A search group assembled and eventually found Chedester, who
had a tree stand in the area. Byers said he asked Chedester
if he killed the dogs. He said the hunter admitted to
shooting them and offered to “buy him two new ones.”
Byers said he found his dogs in a brush pile near the tree
stand after spotting Emmy’s paw sticking out from under the
logs. Chedester had cut their collars off to keep as
trophies.
According to WTOV, Chedester told authorities that the dogs
had chased a deer past his stand at least three times. The
third time, he said, they stopped under his stand.
Chedester then allegedly shot one of the dogs. Belmont County
Prosecutor Dan Fry said he believes the bullet that hit that
dog also hit the second dog. Then Chedester allegedly shot
the second dog.
The charges were filed Wednesday.
If the bonehead had paid attention instead of playing with
himself, he would have realized that the dogs were bringing a
deer to him three times, just like high priced hunting dogs
are trained to do.
WTOV reports that Chedester has also been fired from his
forestry supervisor job with American Electric Power.
A statement from AEP to WTOV says: “AEP expects the highest
level of conduct from our employees, both on the job and
outside of work. We are saddened by the situation that
unfolded this week involving an off-duty AEP Ohio employee
and the death of the two dogs. This individual is no longer
employed by AEP.”
As a felon, his gun owning days are over.
As an asshole, I expect he will get a lot of hate-mail.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Fran
RE: Camera to computer
Dear Webby,
Dear Webby
What is better, a camera that downloads directly to the
computer, or a camera where you have to remove a chip
and copy from that into the computer. one of my friends
has one type, another friend has the other type, and of
course each claims their version is better.
What is YOUR recommendation ?
Fran
Dear Fran
The better cameras offer both methods, but if you have
a choice, you throw away the camera-to-computer cable.
(Keep the camera-to-TV cable)
If you are limited to downloading directly to the computer
via a very special cable and program, you are totally out
of luck if your camera's memory is full while you are on a
canoe trip and don't have the computer along.
If you have removable chips, you pop out the full chip and
push in the next one. Those memory chips are very sturdy,
and they just fit into the parking meter change pockets
that you get on some belts or can easily make with a bit of
cloth glued to the back side of the belt.
A memory chip reader is $4 - $15 and reads all modern
memory chips. Personally, I use mostly 2 GB chips,
and I also use them instead of floppies. Yep, no more slow
and fragile 1.4 MB floppies if you can use 2 GB chips
that run at almost the same speed as a hard drive.
When you slide that memory chip into the reader or the
computer, you instantly have an extra harddrive. You can
then copy the pictures from the chip or even edit them
right on the chip. While on a trip, I usually crop and size
pictures and then use FileZilla to upload the pictures to the
net, right from the chip, and of course also drag them to the
laptop.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
An English soldier, an American solider and a Russian
soldier found themselves sharing a table in a Bosnian
restaurant, and the conver sation turned towards how
well fed each of them was.
"In the Russian army we have 2000 calories of food a
day" said the Russian.
"Well", said the Englishman, "In the British army we
are given 4000 calories of food a day."
"That's nothing", said the American, "in the US army
we have 8000 calories of food a day".
At this the Russian got very annoyed.
"Nonsense", he said, "how could one man eat that much
cabbage!!!."

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Easiest Gingerbread Man Reindeer Cookies
By attosa [256 Posts, 581 Comments]
Get more bang out of your gingerbread buck by simply turning
the men upside down and decorating as a reindeer! Use other
common holiday candies (candy canes, cinnamon beads) as
decoration. Enjoy!
Source: My husband's crafty cousin

hey, it's 505 here

____________________________________________________
The new preacher, at this first service, had a pitcher
of water and a glass on the pulpit. As he preached,he
drank until the pitcher of water was completely gone.
After the service, someone asked an old woman of the
church, "How did you like the new pastor?"
"Fine," she said, "but he's first windmill I ever saw
that ran on water."
____________________________________________________

If you've had a stressful day, watch this nature video with beautiful scenery and soothing music.

Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant,
what is on the outside?
A: K9P

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 4
1812 Peter Gaillard patented the power mower.
1867 The National Grange of Husbandry was founded.
1875 William Marcy Tweed, the "Boss" of New York City's
Tammany Hall political organization, escaped from jail and
fled from the U.S.
1918 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson set sail for France to
attend the Versailles Peace Conference. Wilson became the
first chief executive to travel to Europe while in office.
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the
dismantling of the Works Progress Administration. The program
had been created in order to provide jobs during the Great
Depression and became obsolete during WWII.
1942 U.S. bombers attacked the Italian mainland for the first
time during World War II.
1943 Baseball Commissioner Kenesaw Mountain Landis announced
that any club was free to employ black players.
1945 The U.S. Senate approved American participation in the
United Nations.
1965 The U.S. launched Gemini 7 with Air Force Lt. Col. Frank
Borman and Navy Comdr. James A. Lovell on board.
1973 Pioneer 10 reached Jupiter.
1977 Jean-Bedel Bokassa, ruler of the Central African Empire,
crowned himself emperor in a ceremony believed to have cost
more than $100 million. He was deposed 2 years later.
1978 Dianne Feinstein became San Francisco's first woman
mayor when she was named to replace George Moscone, who had
been murdered.
1979 For the second time, the United Nations Security Council
voted unanimously to urge Iran to free American hostages
that
had been taken on November 4.
1980 The bodies of four American nuns slain in El Salvador
two days earlier were unearthed. Five national guardsmen were
later convicted of the murders.
1983 U.S. jet fighters struck Syrian anti-aircraft positions
in Lebanon in retaliation for attacks directed at American
reconnaissance planes. Navy Lt. Robert O. Goodman Jr. was
shot down and captured by Syria.
1984 A five-day hijack drama began as four men seized a
Kuwaiti airliner en route to Pakistan and forced it to land
in Tehran. Two American passengers were killed by the
hijackers.
1986 Both U.S. houses of Congress moved to establish special
committees to conduct their own investigations of the Iran-
Contra affair.
1987 Cuban inmates at a federal prison in Atlanta freed their
89 hostages, peacefully ending an 11-day uprising.
1988 The government of Argentina announced that hundreds of
heavily armed soldiers had ended a four-day military revolt.
1990 Iraq promised to release 3,300 Soviet citizens it was
holding.
1991 Associated Press correspondent Terry Anderson was
released after nearly seven years in captivity in Lebanon.
1991 Pan American World Airways ceased operations.
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered American troops
to lead a mercy mission to Somalia.
1993 The Angolan government and its UNITA guerrilla foes
formally adopted terms for a truce. The conflict was killing
an estimated 1,000 people per day.
1994 Bosnian Serbs released 53 out of about 400 UN
peacekeepers they were holding as insurance against further
NATO airstrikes.
1997 The National Basketball Association (NBA) suspended
Latrell Sprewell of the Golden State Warriors for one year
for choking and threatening to kill his coach, P.J.
Carlesimo.
2000 O.J. Simpson was involved in an incident with another
motorist in Miami, FL. Simpson was accused of scratching the
other motorists face while pulling off the man's glasses.
2001 O.J. Simpson's home in Florida was raided by the FBI in
an ongoing two year international investigation into drug
trafficking, satellite service pilfering and money
laundering. An unusable satellite tuner decoder board was
taken from Simpson's home and no drugs were found.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, December 3
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Tampa woman, fleeing after hit-and-run accident,
crashes car into home, charged with DUI, again.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 3 in
1910 The neon lamp was displayed for the first time at the
Paris Motor Show. The lamp was developed by French physicist
Georges Claude.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
"Grandma, when you and Grandpa had your first baby,
did Grandpa ever handle the middle-of-the-night
feeding?"
"No. I always did that."
"That must have been before you had women's
liberation."
"No, it was before we had baby bottles."
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Betty-Sue passed out and Bubba, her husband, called 911.
The operator said they would send someone out right away
and asked, "Where do you live?"
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
There was a long pause and finally, Bubba said, "How about
I drag her over to Oak Street and you can meet us there?"
______________________________________________________
A lady was driving from her husband's office to the
kids' school, with twelve youngsters in the car, when
she blew past a red light, and a police car.
Much to the delight of the kids, the police officer pulled
her over, wrote her a ticket, lectured her on traffic
safety, and finished by saying,
"Lady, don't you know when to stop?"
Tomato red in the cheeks, the embarrassed woman
said, "Officer, only seven of them are mine!"
______________________________________________________
As part of the admission procedure in the hospital
where Jill work, she asks the patients if they are
allergic to anything. If they are, she prints it on an
allergy band placed on the patient's wrists.
Once when she asked an elderly woman if she had
any allergies, she said she couldn't eat bananas.
Imagine Jill's surprise, when several hours later a
very irate son came out to the nurses' station
screaming: "Who's responsible for labeling my
mother 'bananas'?"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Danica Eleen Zagara,
52,
Tampa,
Florida
Tampa woman, fleeing after hit-and-run accident,
crashes car into home, charged with DUI, again.
On her way home from a bar, a Tampa woman left the scene of a
car crash and then drove her car into a home Friday night,
authorities reported.
The incident marks the third time Danica Eleen Zagara, 52, of
Tampa, has been charged with driving under the influence. She
was also charged with driving under the influence with
property damage in Friday's crash. There was no mention of
her Hit-and-Run.
Hillsborough County Sheriff's Deputies received a call about
8 p.m. Friday that Zagara had driven her blue 2002 Dodge
Intrepid into a living room at 12015 N Oregon Ave. in the
neighborhood of North Forest Hills. The resident was not
home.
Deputies administered first aid to Zagara and spoke with a
witness, who said he had followed her after she left the
scene of a hit and run crash at Fowler and Florida avenues.
Zagara, of 504 El Sereno Place, told deputies she had just
left Copper Top Pub and was on her way home. She was released
from Orient Road Jail on Saturday on $2,250 bond.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Art
RE: How to make my own icons
Dear Webby,
Dear Webby
How do i make my own icons without buying any programns?
You had something about that a few years ago, but at the
time I didn't need extra icons.
Art
Dear Art
I will show you how to do it with just the built in programs.
It is still the same as it has been since Windows 2.
Make a folder for your icons in a reasonably easy to find
spot. Yes, I know, the default would be in some totally
insane location, that you can never find again. Ignore that
and find the C: drive, C:\
and in that make the folder, so it is at C:\icons
Find a picture that is suitable or paint one. It should have
LOTS of contrast and few colors.
You can use the built in Microsoft Paint. It is crude and
simple, but has been included with DOS and Windows since the
stone age. It still works.
START
paint
An ideal icon is for example the icon for FileZilla, the best
FTP program available. It is simply a dark red background
with a white Fz on it. It really sticks out from among herds
of cutesy icons.
Once you have a suitable picture, resize it down to 64 x 64.
Then save it as a BMP file. Yes, BMP.
I know, BMP does not work on the web, but you are making an
icon for your computer, not the web.
So save it as for example Inlaws.bmp into your icons folder.
Then close PAINT, unless you have to make a bunch more.
When you got all your icons painted and resized, close PAINT.
Open the File Explorer
RIGHT-click START
Open Windows Explorer
Find your C:\icons folder and be glad it is not deep down in
the mess.
In the icons folder, find inlaws.bmp, highlight it until the
name becomes editable, and change it to inlaws.ico
Ignore the warning.
Now you can go to the program or bat on the desktop, that
needs the new icon.
Right-click it,
properties,
change icon
browse to c:\icons
and select inlaws.ico
Done!
That is all there is to it.
You can, of course, use any other paint or graphics program
too, as long as it lets you save the picture as .BMP
Once upon a time we had just .GIF for the coarse and limited
stuff and .BMP for higher resolution. In the days when
Digital cameras used 360 KB floppies for storage, we had to
be very careful with file size. We had a choice of 1 picture
in BMP or 36 pictures in GIF.
And lug around a shoe box full of floppies on all trips.
Around that time Windows got created, and they decided to use
.BMP for really cutesy icons, instead of .GIF for high
visibility. Buncha Yuppies!
We have been stuck with that ever since.
Other than the icons, .BMP has become extinct and is no
longer in use.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
While the US stock market is at an all time
high, the ups and downs frighten a lot of small
investors. Bob went to his financial advisor at
the bank and ask if he were worried.
He replied that he slept like a baby.
Bob was amazed and asked,
"Really ??? Even with all the fluctuations?"
He said, "Yes. I sleep for a couple of hours,
then wake up and cry for a couple of hours."

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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Recipe: Mama Sue's Sausage Stew
By StellaBell [187 Posts, 176 Comments]
Sausage stew is a delicious and easy meal to throw together.
It can be made on the stove, in a crockpot or in the oven. As
a kid, we ate this meal several times a month. It is one of
my favorite comfort foods as an adult. My siblings and I all
have slightly different variations of our mom's recipe, this
is my version.
Ingredients:
1 polska kielbasa (I use turkey kielbasa for a healthy
substitute)
1 lb carrots (I use baby carrots to make prepping easier)
2-3 Yukon Gold potatoes
1 large yellow onion
5-6 cloves of garlic, chopped
fresh parsley
2-3 celery stalks (optional)
1 1/2 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce
salt and pepper
1 tsp Italian seasoning
Steps:
Cut the sausage into 1/2 inch pieces. Brown the sausage on
each side and set aside.
Chop the onion and garlic. Cut the potatoes into 1 inch
pieces. If using regular sized carrots cut into 1 inch
rounds. If using baby carrots, leave whole.
In the same pan that you browned the sausage in, sautee the
onions until golden brown. Then add the garlic and sautee for
a minute. Then add the potatoes and carrots. Add the
worcestershire sauce, italian seasoning, salt, and pepper.
Cover with a lid and simmer for about 15 minutes.
Once the veggies have softened, add the sausage back in and
cook for another minute or two, until the sausage is warmed.
Serve with garlic bread.

winter vs people

____________________________________________________
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the
freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that
the granny behind the wheel was knitting.
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver,
"PULL----OVER!"
"NO!" the granny yelled back, "SCARF!"
____________________________________________________

If you've had a stressful day, watch this nature video with beautiful scenery and soothing music.

>From Bob
Have you ever worked in an office where
someone insisted upon listening to their voice
mail using the speakerphone (at full volume,
naturally). It can really begin to bother you after
a while.I found a fairly easy fix for that, though. I
have a young lady call his desk when he's not
there and leave a message like
"Hi, this is Candy from 1-900-HOT-BABE. You
haven't paid for the 'toys' we sent you, you
naughty boy. You wouldn't want me to come
over there and spank you, would you?"
It is the last time you hear that particular
speakerphone, I can assure you.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 3
1792 The trial of France's King Louis XVI began. He was
eventually put to death for the 33 charges.
1833 Oberlin College in Ohio opened as the first truly
coeducational school of higher education in the United
States.
1835 In Rhode Island, the Manufacturer Mutual Fire Insurance
Company issued the first fire insurance policy.
1910 The neon lamp was displayed for the first time at the
Paris Motor Show. The lamp was developed by French physicist
Georges Claude.
1917 The Quebec Bridge opened for traffic after almost 20
years of planning and construction. The bridge suffered
partial collapses in 1907 (August 29) and 1916 (September
11).
1931 Alka Seltzer was sold for the first time.
1947 The Tennessee Williams play "A Streetcar Named Desire"
opened at Broadway's Ethel Barrymore Theater.
1948 The "Pumpkin Papers" came to public light. The House Un-
American Activities Committee announced that former
Communist
spy Whittaker Chambers had produced microfilm of secret
documents hidden inside a pumpkin on his Maryland farm.
1967 In Cape Town, South Africa, a team of surgeons headed by
Dr. Christian Barnard, performed the first human heart
transplant on Louis Washkansky. Washkansky only lived 18
days.
1967 The famed luxury train, "20th Century Limited,"
completed its final run from New York to Chicago.
1973 Pioneer 10 sent back the first close-up images of
Jupiter. The first outer-planetary probe had been launched
from Cape Canaveral, FL, on March 2, 1972.
1982 Doctors at the University of Utah Medical Center removed
the respirator of Barney Clark. The retired dentist had
become the world's first recipient of a permanent artificial
heart only one day before.
1983 3-foot-high concrete barriers were installed at two
White House entrances.
1984 In Bhopal, India, more than 2,000 people were killed
after a cloud of poisonous gas escaped from a pesticide
plant. The plant was operated by a Union Carbide subsidiary.
1992 The UN Security Council unanimously approved a U.S.-led
military mission to help starving Somalians.
1992 The Greek tanker "Aegean Sea" ran aground at La Coruna,
Spain and spilled 21.5 million gallons of crude oil.
1993 Britain's Princess Diana announced she would be limiting
her public appearances because she was tired of the media's
intrusions into her life.
1993 Angola's government and its rebel enemies agreed to a
cease-fire in their 18-year war.
1994 Rebel Serbs in Bosnia failed to keep a pledge to release
hundreds of UN peacekeepers.
1995 Former South Korean president Chun Doo-hwan was arrested
for his role in a 1979 coup.
1997 In Ottawa, Canada, more than 120 countries were
represented to sign a treaty prohibiting the use and
production of anti-personnel land mines. The United States,
China and Russia did not sign the treaty.
1997 South Korea received $55 billion from the International
Monetary Fund to bailout its economy.
1999 Tori Murden became the first woman to row across the
Atlantic Ocean alone. It took her 81 days to reach the French
Caribbean island of Guadeloupe from the Canary Islands.
1999 The World Trade Organization (WTO) concluded a four-day
meeting in Seattle, WA, without setting an agenda for a new
round of trade talks. The meeting was met with fierce
protests by various groups who did over a Billion dollars
worth of damage without having a clue what the WTO was about.
1999 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA)
lost radio contact with the Mars Polar Lander as it entered
Mars' atmosphere. The spacecraft was unmanned.
2010 The Boeing X-37 returned to Earth on successfully after
its first orbital mission. It launched on April 22, 2010.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, December 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
UK teacher "Loses Control" of Her Urges
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 2 in
1804 Napoleon was crowned emperor of France at the
Cathedral of Notre Dame in Paris.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
What can you say about a society that says that God is dead
and Elvis is alive?
--- Irv Kupcinet
The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being
an honest coward like everybody else.
--- Umberto Eco
"It's not so much how busy you are,
but why you are busy.
The bee is praised.
The mosquito is swatted."
--- Mary O'Connor
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was
asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the
Navy, son?"
"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."
"Oh? And what does your father do?"
"He's in the Army, sir."
______________________________________________________
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous,
new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman
knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position,
the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the
airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes,
General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass
along your message. In the meantime, thank you for
your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the
young enlisted man, he barked at him: "What do you
want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "just here
to hook up your telephone."
______________________________________________________
Lady: Waiter, please bring me coffee without cream.
Waiter: I'm afraid we've run out of cream. Would you
like it without milk?
______________________________________________________
Commuter broom
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Jill Meldrum-Jones
37,
Warwickshire,
England
UK teacher "Loses Control" of Her Urges
What was supposed to be an exciting school trip for one 15-
year-old boy turned into an unforgettable public nightmare
after his 37-year-old teaching assistant “groomed” him for
sex.
Jill Meldrum-Jones from Warwickshire in the UK began her
relationship with the young boy while they were on a trip
abroad.
First, it began with taking long walks together.
Then, she performed her first sex act on the student while in
a minivan with other students onboard.
From there they would go to secluded areas where they would
perform oral sex on one another.
Perhaps the most scandalous of all of their encounters on the
trip was the flight home.
During the ten-hour flight back to England, Meldrum-Jones, a
married mother of two, “masturbated the boy three times and
performed oral sex three times 'under the cover of
darkness.'”
The two did not have another physical encounter once back in
England, but the teacher sent the boy highly sexual texts
messages numerous times.
The encounters came to light in February of this year after
the boy told some of his friends and rumors began to fly
around, eventually leading to the assistant teacher's arrest.
Meldrum-Jones pled guilty to five charges of sexual activity
with a child as well as two charges of causing or inciting a
child to engage in sexual activity.
She has been sentenced to two years and eight months in jail.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Chaubal
RE: Subscription
Dear Webby,
Dear Webby
For about two weeks now I am not receiving your daily
humor. If my subscription got canceled accidently or
due to some reason, kindly re-enter my subscription.
I am looking forward to receiving your daily humor letter
Thanks
Chaubal
Dear Chaubal
You are still subscribed and the Humor Letter is sent out
to you every day. Either your own or your ISP's spam
control program is blocking the Humor Letter.
Once the Humor Letter has left from here, there is nothing
that I can do about it. You will have to check your end of
the mailing yourself.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
The other day I was near the golf court and saw an unusual
thing. A golfer became so mad that he threw his brand new
set of golf clubs into the lake.
A few minutes later he came back, waded into the lake,
and retrieved his clubs. He proceeded to take
his car keys out of the bag -- then threw the clubs
back into the water.

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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Dry Erase Marker on Polyester
Question: Dry Erase Marker on Polyester
By dotty [5 Posts, 3 Comments]
Help! My grandson got dry erase marker on a brand new Detroit
Tiger $80 jersey. it is 100% polyester. I tried everything I
could think of. Please help; he's heartbroken.
By Dotty
By Grandma J [54 Posts, 1,045 Comments]
Take it to a dry cleaners, for the simple $10 or less cost,
versus the cost of buying and trying. They will tell you
whether it can be done or not. Always tell the cleaners what
the stains are, if possible. Clean things right away. The
longer things sit, the harder to come out.

wooden music machine with
marbles (not the one in the woods)

____________________________________________________
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a
barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to
be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300
pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip
the deputy and the "Heavy Weight Boxing Champion
of the World."
Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape
artist too -- probably better than Houdini."
The giant nodded.
"If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you
could show us how strong you really are. But all I've
got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how
quickly you can break out of them?"
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked
for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant
growled.
"Are you sure?" the deputy asked.
The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do
it."
"In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest...."
____________________________________________________

15 Seemingly adorable animals that could actually kill you.

>From Donnie
Subject: Marketing Explained
One buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING .
However, people often ask for a simple explanation of
"Marketing."
Well, here it is:
_______________________
* You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party.
You go up to Him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Direct Marketing.
_____________________
* You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a
handsome guy.
One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you,
says,
"She's fantastic in bed."
That's Advertising.
_____________________
* You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get
his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm
fantastic in bed."
That's Telemarketing.
____________________
* You see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You
walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and
reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast against
his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.
______________________
* You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to
you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
That's Brand Recognition.
_________________________
*You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you,
but you talk him into going home with your friend.
That's a Sales Rep.
_________________________
* Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.
That's Tech Support.
_________________________
* You're on your way to a party when you realize that there
could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing, so
you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center
and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
That's Facebook.
_________________________
* You are at a party; this attractive older man walks by and
lets you bump into him.
That's Donald Trump.
_________________________
* You liked that, but twenty years later your attorney
decides you were offended and you are awarded a settlement.
That's America !

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 2
1804 Napoleon was crowned emperor of France at the Cathedral
of Notre Dame in Paris.
1816 The first savings bank in the U.S., the Philadelphia
Savings Fund Society, opened for business.
1823 U.S. President James Monroe outlined his doctrine
opposing European expansion in the Western Hemisphere.
1901 Gillette patented the KC Gillette Razor. It was first
razor to feature a permanent handle and disposable double-
edge razor blades.
1917 During World War I, hostilities were suspended on the
eastern front.
1927 The Ford Motor Company unveiled the Model A automobile.
It was the successor to the Model T.
1939 New York's La Guardia Airport began operations as an
airliner from Chicago landed at 12:01 a.m.
1942 A self-sustaining nuclear chain reaction was
demonstrated by Dr. Enrico Fermi and his staff at the
University of Chicago.
1954 The U.S. Senate voted to condemn Sen. Joseph R. McCarthy
for what it called "conduct that tends to bring the Senate
into dishonor and disrepute." The censure was related to
McCarthy's controversial investigation of suspected
communists in the U.S. government, military and civilian
society.
1961 Cuban leader Fidel Castro declared in a nationally
broadcast speech that he was a Marxist-Leninist and that he
was going to lead Cuba to communism.
1969 The Boeing 747 jumbo jet got its first public preview as
191 people flew from Seattle, WA, to New York City, NY. Most
of the passengers were reporters and photographers.
1970 The Environmental Protection Agency began operations.
1980 The Central Committee of Poland’s Communist Party
announced major Politburo changes. The changes were aimed at
coping with labor unrest.
1982 Doctors at the University of Utah implanted a permanent
artificial heart in the chest of retired dentist Barney
Clark. He lived 112 days with the device. The operation was
the first of its kind.
1988 Benazir Bhutto was sworn in as prime minister of
Pakistan.
1989 V.P. Singh was sworn in as prime minister of India.
1990 Chancellor Hekmut Kohl's coalition won the first free
all-German elections since 1932.
1990 The Midwest section of the U.S. prepared for a massive
earthquake predicted by Iben Browning. The earthquakes did
not occur.
1992 Germany's lower house of parliament voted in favor of
the Maastricht Treaty on European unity.
1993 The space shuttle Endeavor blasted off on a mission to
fix the Hubble Space Telescope.
1994 The U.S. government agreed not to seek a recall of
allegedly fire-prone General Motors pickup trucks. A deal was
made with GM under which the company would spend more than
$51 million on safety and research.
1995 NASA launched a U.S.-European observatory on a $1
billion dollar mission intended to study the sun.
1997 U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno declined to seek an
independent counsel investigation of telephone fund-raising
by President Clinton and Vice President Gore. She had
concluded that they had not quite violated election laws.
1998 Microsoft Corp. chairman Bill Gates donated $100 million
to help immunize children in developing countries.
1999 The British government transferred political power over
the province of Northern Ireland to the Northern Ireland
Executive.
2001 Enron Corp. filed for Chapter 11 reorganization. The
filing came five days after Dynegy walked away from a $8.4
billion buyout. It was the largest bankruptcy in U.S.
history.
2010 NASA announced the discovery of a new arsenic-based life
form.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, December 1
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Broker Who Faked Death, to Pay $1 Million
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 1 in
1913 Ford Motor Co. began using a new movable assembly line
that ushered in the era of mass production.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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______________________________________________________
Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst
those in touch with it.
-- Jane Wagner
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Charlie Hooks for this one:
Your Cambridge story reminded me of the young Oxford
scholar who, when Jowett was master of Balliol, went in
to tell the great man he could not attend Chapel.
"And why not?
"
"I'm a sun-worshipper, Sir!"
"Umm. I see. Very well..."
Next morning at 5:30 AM he is awakened by his servant:
"The Master's compliments, Sir...the sun has just risen."
______________________________________________________
Kim was telling her friend how she gets her
son out of bed in the morning.
"I just open his door and toss the cat on his
bed. He sleeps with his dog."
______________________________________________________
"I have to tell the truth," a young man said to his new
girlfriend.
"While we've been dating, I've been secretly seeing a
psychiatrist."
"Don't worry about it," the girl told her boyfriend.
"I've been secretly seeing a lawyer and a
car salesman."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Richard Winsor Ohrn,
46,
Boca Raton,
Floriduh
Florida Broker Who Faked Death, to Pay $1 Million
Richard Winsor Ohrn, the Florida broker who faked his own
death and cost the Coast Guard almost $400,000 in pointless
search and rescue missions, won't go to jail, a federal judge
said Tuesday.
Ohrn, 46, of Boca Raton, will have to pay the government $1
million in restitution, however, for his guilty plea to a
single felony count of communicating false distress to the
Coast Guard, Judge Robin L. Rosenberg ordered in U.S.
District Court in Miami.
The Coast Guard devoted massive resources to trying to find
Ohrn after he was reported missing in March 2015. It launched
more than 20 search missions — only to discover that Ohrn had
slipped away to a rental home in Albany, Georgia, before
returning home to Boca Raton.
The Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office said Ohrn admitted
having faked his disappearance to skip out on legal issues
related to accusations that he stole $15,250 from two elderly
clients while working as a financial adviser with Chase Bank,
among other allegations.
The charge Ohrn copped to usually carries a sentence of up to
six years in federal prison, but court documents show that
federal prosecutors and the defense agreed on one year's
probation for his caper — plus the $1 million to recover the
government's costs.
Regulatory records show that Ohrn had a decidedly checkered
career in the financial services industry, beginning with his
"termination" by Wells Fargo Advisors LLC in August 2012 over
allegations that he provided inconsistent explanations about
a cashier's check that was issued to a customer.
He apparently then went to work for Chase, but in December
2014, he was accused of swindling two elderly customers of
$15,250.
According to records on file with the Financial Industry
Regulatory Authority, or FINRA, Ohrn was accused of
improperly withdrawing the money from the clients' accounts,
forging the signatures of several of his co-workers and
falsifying records by changing clients' account addresses to
his own office address.
FINRA records show that in June 2015 — two months after he
returned from the dead — Ohrn agreed to a settlement barring
him from association with any regulated brokerage.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From Dani
RE: Alarm for Windows
Dear Webby,
Could you please recommend a good timer with alarms
for the computer?
I am running Windows 7.
Thank you as always for your expertise.
Dani
Dear Dani
I use ALARM.exe from BlueFive
http://bluefive.pair.com/alarm.htm
It is rock solid and works even when a screen saver is running.
I have used it since the late 90's and it has never
let me down.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Larry went to a strip mall the other day.
He sure was disappointed.
Everybody else ws dressed.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

____________________________________________________
Thanks to World Traveller Anita, some funny signs:
Doctor's office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND
OTHER DISEASES.
Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner,
Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST
CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM,
PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
____________________________________________________

Emily sculpts dragons, guardians of the forest.

A sweet young lady who had just been shopping is
pulled over by a traffic cop and given a ticket for
speeding. Rather than fight the ticket, the woman
writes a check for the amount of the fine and puts it in
the mail.
However, the young woman is worried. Her husband
always examines her checkbook carefully, and she
doesn't want him to know about the incident.
Then inspiration strikes, and she scribbles on the
check stub: "One pullover, $125."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on December 1
1835 Hans Christian Andersen published his first book of
fairy tales.
1909 The Pennsylvania Trust Company, of Carlisle, PA, became
the first bank in the in the U.S. to offer a Christmas Club
account.
1913 Ford Motor Co. began using a new movable assembly line
that ushered in the era of mass production.
1913 The first drive-in automobile service station opened, in
Pittsburgh, PA.
1925 The Locarno Pact finalized the treaties between World
War I protagonists.
1934 Sergei M. Kirov, a collaborator of Joseph Stalin, was
assassinated at the Leningrad party headquarters.
1941 In the U.S., the Civil Air Patrol was created. In April
1943 the Civil Air Patrol was placed under the jurisdiction
of the Army Air Forces.
1942 In the U.S., nationwide gasoline rationing went into
effect.
1952 In Denmark, it was announced that the first successful
sex-change operation had been performed.
1955 Rosa Parks, a black seamstress in Montgomery, AL,
refused to give up her seat to a white man. Mrs. Parks was
arrested marking a milestone in the civil rights movement in
the U.S.
1959 12 countries, including the U.S. and USSR, signed a
treaty that set aside Antarctica as a scientific preserve,
which would be free from military activity.
1965 An airlift of refugees from Cuba to the United States
began.
1969 The U.S. government held its first draft lottery since
World War II.
1984 A remote-controlled Boeing 720 jetliner was deliberately
crashed into California's Mojave Desert to test an anti-
flame
fuel additive. The test proved to be disappointing.
1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan said he would welcome an
investigation of the Iran-Contra affair if it were
recommended by the Justice Department.
1987 Construction began on the Channel Tunnel between the
United Kingdom and France.
1987 NASA announced four companies had been given contracts
to help build a space station. The companies were Boeing
Aerospace, G. E.'s Astro-Space Division, McDonnell Douglas
Aeronautics, and Rocketdyne Division of Rockwell
International.
1989 Dissidents in the Philippine military launched an
unsuccessful coup against Corazon Aquino's government.
1989 East Germany's Parliament abolished the Communist
Party's constitutional guarantee of supremacy.
1990 Iraq accepted a U.S. offer to talk about resolving the
Persian Gulf crisis.
1990 British and French workers digging the Channel Tunnel
finally met under the English Channel.
1991 Ukrainians voted overwhelmingly for independence from
the Soviet Union.
1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin survived an impeachment
attempt by hard-liners at the opening of the Russian
Congress.
1994 The U.S. Senate gave final congressional approval to the
124-nation General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade.
1998 Exxon announced that it was buying Mobil for $73.7
billion creating the largest company in the world to date.
2013 Amazon.com CEO Jeff Bezos revealed "Amazon Prime Air" on
"60 Minutes." The service was planned to use unmanned aerial
vehicles to deliver packages to customers.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, November 30
A Darwin Award goes to Abdul Razak Ali Artan in Ohio
for voluntarily taking himself out of the gene pool, when
the coward attacked innocent students with a car and
a butcher knife.
Kudos to Officer Alan Harujko for stopping the terrorist.
Kudos also to Switzerland for sending back Somalis who
demand separate swimming pools for girls and for not only
rejecting male Muslims, who refuse to shake hands with female
teachers, but on top of that fine them $5,000.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Floriduh shoplifter with long Walmart shopping list
doesn't outrun K-9.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 30 in
1700 8,000 Swedish troops under King Charles XII defeated an
army of at least 50,000 Russians at the Battle of Narva. King
Charles XII died on this day.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
--- Fran Lebowitz (1950 - )
"Obstacles are those frightful things you see
when you take your eyes off the goal."
--- Hannah More
Cops are what you see when you take your
eyes off the speedometer.
--- D.W.
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The manager of a large city zoo is drafting a letter to
order a pair of animals. He sits at his computer and
types: "I would like to place an order for two
mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest
convenience."
He stares at the screen, focusing on that odd word
"mongooses." He replaces the word so that the
sentence reads: "I would like to place an order for two
mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest
convenience."
Again he stares at the screen, focusing on the new
word. It seems just as odd as the original one. Finally,
he deletes the whole sentence and starts over.
"Everyone knows no well-stocked zoo should be
without a mongoose," he types. "Please send us two
of them."
______________________________________________________
During a friendly argument, a husband
asked his wife why she married
him in the first place. "I was just stupid,"
she teased. When he said he was happy to
hear that, she requested an explanation.
"People get divorced all the time because
they fall out of love," he said. "But I've
never heard of anybody falling out of stupid."
______________________________________________________
A new addition to the periodic table of
chemical elements
Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: 180+
Physical properties: Solid at room
temperature but gets bent out of shape
easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky.
Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust,
aging samples are unable to conduct
electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with
WO any chance it can get. Also tends to
form strong bonds with itself. Becomes
explosive when mixed with KID (Element:
Child) for prolonged periods of time.
Neutralizes by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good
methane source. Good specimens are able
to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element
rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Millie for this picture:
Beautiful Autumn Colors in Mehedinti Mountains, Romania
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Anthony Loren Edwards,
27,
Hernando,
Floriduh
shoplifter with long Walmart shopping list
doesn't outrun Hernando K-9
A man who police say attempted to push a shopping cart filled
with $1,597 in stolen goods out of a Brooksville Walmart was
nabbed by Hernando County Sheriff's Office deputy K-9 'Judge'
on Sunday.
Anthony Loren Edwards, 27, filled his shopping cart with 120
items ranging from jewelry and clothing to a coloring book
and gel pens and tried to leave the Walmart located at 1485
Commercial Way around 7 a.m. when loss prevention employees
attempted to stop him.
Edwards refused to listen to loss prevention, ditched the
cart and started running.
At the same time, Hernando County Sheriff's Office deputies
saw Edwards run from the scene with the Walmart employees
giving chase. Deputies ordered him to stop, but Edwards did
not comply.
Edwards fled north into a wooded area and into the Hernando
County Water Treatment Facility on Osowaw Boulevard. While
inside the treatment facility, Edwards allegedly helped
himself to food and drinks in the office.
Deputies arrived at the facility and saw Edwards running
away. He again refused to stop. Deputy Brandon Cox and K-9
Judge then went after the suspect.
Judge brought down Edwards, who then reportedly assaulted the
dog, adding to the growing list of charges. He also received
18 stitches to his right thigh and ankle for his efforts.
Edwards faces multiple charges in this incident, including
larceny, resisting an officer, assaulting a K-9 and
commercial burglary for his jaunt through the treatment
facility. He is being held on $13,000 bond at the Hernando
County Jail.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From Janine
RE: New Window
Dear Webby,
I do remember the wicker carpet beater! It was very
educational when I was a kid.
Normally I want my browser to re-use already open windows,
so that it doesn't gobble up more memory than my computer
has. But occasionally I DO want a link to go to a brand new
window without losing the one that is open. Is there a way to
do that without changing all the settings in MSIE?
Thanks
Janine
Dear Janine
Yes, sure there is. Hold down SHIFT while you click on that
link.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Benefit of old age:
Your secrets are safe with your friends
because they can't remember them either.

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Pizza Box Cash Gift
By Donna [366 Posts, 374 Comments]
This could be for a college student or anyone who is short on
money. It makes a great raffle basket item when needed too!
Always appreciated and never returned! ;-) You can change the
bill denominations according to your desires.
Total Time: 10 minutes
Supplies:
one empty pizza box (Dominoe's boxes are adorable for this
and fit well although any large size pizza box will do.)
cash- bills (about 18-20) and coins (silver dollars, half
dollars and/or quarters)
double sided tape
one sheet of red paper
Steps:
I made circles on my red paper using a glass to trace the
shape.
Then simply place the bills into a circle using a small piece
of tape to hold in place.
Add the "red paper pepperoni" around the bills and place
coins with double stick tape to hold them in place.
Either write or type up the saying to add to the top of the
box, print it out and tape it to the inside top of the pizza
box.
Add a bow and ribbon if you'd like to wrap it up and "deliver
it".

fox plays with golf ball

____________________________________________________
"Doctor!" whined the patient.
"I keep seeing spots before my eyes."
The physician scratched his head,
"Why have you come to me? Have you seen
an opthalmologist?"
"No," replied the patient, "just spots."
____________________________________________________

How in the world could such art come from a lowly pencil?

From my archives:
A letter from Mutha Goose to help me out while I was on the
road.
RE: Software install
You can do one of two things,
follow the 12-Step Program or write Dear Webby! *lol*
1. Examine the software packaging until you
find a little printed box that explains what
kind of computer system you need to run the
software. It should look something like this:
SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS 2386 PROCESSOR OR HIGHER 628.8
MEGAHERTZ MODEM 719.7 MB FREE DISK SPACE 3546 MB
RAM 432323 MB ROM 05948737 MB RPM ANTILOCK BRAKING
SYSTEM 2 TURTLE DOVES NOTE: This software will not
work on your computer.
2. Open the software packaging and remove the
manual. This will contain detailed instructions
on installing, operating, and trouble-shooting
the software. Throw it away.
3. Find the actual software, which should be in
the form of either a 3.5-inch floppy diskette
or a CD-ROM, located inside a sealed envelope
that says:
LICENSING AGREEMENT: By breaking this seal, the
user hereinafter agrees to abide by all the terms
and conditions of the following agreement that
nobody ever reads, as well as the Geneva Convention
and the U.N. Charter and the Secret Membership Oath
of the Benevolent Protective Order of the Elks and
such other terms and conditions, real and imaginary,
as the Software Company shall deem necessary and
appropriate, including the right to come to the
user's home and examine the user's hard drive, as
well as the user's underwear drawer if we feel like
it, take it or leave it, until death do us part,
one nation indivisible, by the dawn's early
light,...finders keepers, losers weepers, thanks
you've been a great crowd, and don't forget to tip
your servers.
4. Hand the software to a child aged 3 through 12
and say, "(Name of child), please install this on
my computer."
5. If you have no child age 3 through 12, insert
the software in the appropriate drive, type "SETUP"
and press the Enter key.
6. Turn the computer on, you idiot.
7. Once again type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.
8. You will hear grinding and whirring noises
for a while, after which the following message should
appear on your screen:
The Installation Program will now examine your
system to see what would be the best way to
render it inoperable. Is it OK with you? Choose
one, and be honest:
+---+ +-----+ | YES | | SURE | +---+ +-----+
9. After you make your selection, you will hear
grinding and whirring for a very long time while
the installation program does who knows what in
there. Some installation programs can actually
alter molecular structures, so that when they're
done, your computer has been transformed into an
entirely new device, such as a food processor.
At the very least, the installation program will
create many new directories, sub-directories,
sub-sub-directories, on your hard drive and fill
them with thousands of mysterious files with
names like "puree.exe," "fester.dat," and "doo.wha."
10. When the installation program is finished,
your screen should display the following message:
CONGRATULATIONS
The installation program cannot think of anything
else to do to your computer and has grown bored.
You may now attempt to run your software.
If you experience any problems, electrical
shocks, insomnia, shortness of breath, nasal
discharge, or intestinal parasites, you should
immediately swear, like this: *!@!$)$%@&*^)$*!#$_$*^&
11. At this point your computer system should
become less functional than the federal government,
refusing to respond even when struck with furniture.
12. Call the toll-free Technical Support Hotline
number listed on the package and wait on the line
for a representative, who will explain to you,
in a clear, step-by-step manner, how to adopt a
child aged 3 through 12.
And so that's the easy way to install software...

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on November 30
1700 8,000 Swedish troops under King Charles XII defeated an
army of at least 50,000 Russians at the Battle of Narva. King
Charles XII died on this day.
1782 The United States and Britain signed preliminary peace
articles in Paris, ending the Revolutionary War.
1803 Spain completed the process of ceding Louisiana to
France.
1804 U.S. Supreme Court Justice Samuel Chase went on trial
accused of political bias. He was later acquitted by the U.S.
Senate.
1838 Three days after the French occupation of Vera Cruz
Mexico declared war on France.
1853 During the Crimean War, the Russian fleet attacked and
destroyed the Turkish fleet at the battle of Sinope.
1858 John Landis Mason received a patent for the first pepper
shaker with a screw-on cap.
1875 A.J. Ehrichson patented the oat-crushing machine.
1897 Thomas Edison's own motion picture projector had its
first commercial exhibition.
1936 London's famed Crystal Palace was destroyed in a fire.
The structure had been constructed for the International
Exhibition of 1851.
1939 The Russo-Finnish War began when 20 divisions of Soviet
troops invaded Finland.
1949 Chinese Communists captured Chungking.
1954 In Sylacauga, AL, Elizabeth Hodges was injured when a
meteorite crashed through the roof of her house. The rock
weighed 8½-pounds.
1956 CBS replayed the program "Douglas Edward and the News"
three hours after it was received on the West Coast. It was
the world's first broadcast via videotape.
1962 U Thant of Burma was elected secretary-general of the
United Nations, succeeding the late Dag Hammarskjold.
1966 The former British colony of Barbados became
independent.
1986 "Time" magazine published an interview with U.S.
President Reagan. In the article, Reagan described fired
national security staffer Oliver North as a "national hero."
1988 Kohlberg Kravis Roberts and Co. took over RJR Nabisco
Inc. with a bid of $24.53 billion.
1993 U.S. President Clinton signed into law the Brady Bill.
The bill required a five-day waiting period for handgun
purchases and background checks of prospective buyers.
1998 The Deutsche Bank AG announced that it would acquire
Bankers Trust Corp. for $10.1 billion creating the world's
largest financial institution.
2001 For the first time in it's history, McDonald's teamed up
with a retail partner on its Happy Meal promotions. Toys R
Us
provided plush figures from it's Animal Alley.
2004 In Stockholm, Sweden, the Carl Larsson painting
"Boenskoerd" ("Bean Harvest") was sold at auction for
$730,000. The work had been in a private collection for more
than a century. The Larsson work "Vid Kattegatt" ("By
Kattegatt") sold for $640,000 at the same auction.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, November 29
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
A Utah teen forced a 22-year-old man to dig his
own grave before killing him and burning his body
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 29 in
1864 The Sand Creek Massacre occurred in Colorado when a
militia led by Colonel John Chivington, killed at least 400
peaceful Cheyenne and Arapaho Indians who had surrendered and
had been given permission to camp.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
A motion to adjourn is always in order.
--- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988)
Fidel Castro, Democrat fighting Capitalism all his life,
went to hell on Black Friday.
--- Donald Trump
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can
be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me
beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
______________________________________________________
2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99
There is the story of a priest who got up one
Sunday and announced to his congregation:
"I have good news and bad news. The good
news is, we have enough money to pay for
our new building program. The bad news
is, the money is still out there in your
pockets."
______________________________________________________
During exams at England's Cambridge University, a
bright young student asks the proctor to bring him
cakes and ale.
"Sorry, no," says the proctor.
"Sir, I really must insist," says the student, taking out
a copy of the 400 year old Laws of Cambridge,
written in Latin and still nominally in effect. He points
to a section which reads (roughly translated):
"Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and
require cakes and ale."
The proctor gives in, but since cakes and ale aren't
readily available, he and the student agree that
hamburgers and beer can be substituted, and the
student sits there, writing his examination and happily
slurping away.
Three weeks later, the same student is fined fifty
pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.
______________________________________________________
I think that was in California or Utah.
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Raul Francisco Vidrio,
19,
Mount Pleasant,
Utah
A Utah teen forced a 22-year-old man to dig his
own grave before killing him and burning his body
A Utah teen forced a 22-year-old man to dig his own grave
before killing him and burning his body, authorities say.
Raul Francisco Vidrio, 19, beat Wesley Dee Nay, stabbed him
and placed his body in a grave filled with chopped wood,
according to a probable cause statement. The 19-year-old
Vidrio then doused the body in gasoline and set it on fire,
authorities say.
Witnesses reported seeing Nay leave a home in Mount Pleasant
with Vidrio in late August. A witness recalled seeing Vidrio
and Nay getting into an argument.
Vidrio told police they "drove around town through the night,
used (meth and marijuana) and eventually ended up at another
residence in Mt. Pleasant," according to a search warrant
affidavit obtained by the Deseret News.
The man at the home said Vidrio borrowed a chainsaw "to be
used to cut wood to burn evidence and flesh," the newspaper
reported.
A witness said that he heard the suspect and others on Aug.
31 "talking about 'opening the door to hell, the Saint of the
Dead, and some dark (stuff),'" according to the charges
obtained by the paper.
Nay's remains were found in a shallow grave on Oct. 19
approximately 100 miles southeast of Salt Lake City.
Investigators recovered a deleted image from Vidrio's
cellphone that appeared to show Nay digging what would become
his own grave, according to the Deseret News.
"The image depicts Mr. Nay in the same clothing he was last
seen in ... digging a hole in a grassy meadow that strongly
resembles the location where his remains were found," read
the charges obtained by the newspaper.
A human skull and other charred bones were found with burned
pieces of wood, the Deseret News reported. Nay was identified
through dental records.
Vidrio has been charged with aggravated murder, abuse or
desecration of a dead human body and obstruction of justice.
He is "a known drug dealer" and gang member in Mount
Pleasant, according to the Deseret News.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Kerry
Re: Parental control filters
Dear Webby,
What do recommend for parental control filters?
Kerry
Dear Kerry
A sturdy wicker carpet beater seems to be the best.
The software parental controls are way too soft. Most
likely your kids can crack them a lot faster than you can
set them up, plus they can always go to different but
similar sites.
Just hanging around now and then and making it clear
that computer use is a privilege, that can be cut at any
time, is the most effective. As long as you learned how to
control the home network, and occasionally change the
password for their machines, so that they have to beg for the
new password, they will usually behave.
Kids will sneak a peek at taboo stuff anyway, just like
you did. The general idea is to not make such a big
fuss about it that it turns into an obsession.
A good education about what lurks on the chat programs
might go a lot further in protecting your kids than any
software.
Once they are in their teens you can go a step further and
set them to find predators and scammers. Show them how to
report scammers to FaceBook, and how to report predators to
the cops. The cops will quite cheerfully take over from there
and nab the predators with a sting operation.
If they are busy looking for and reporting scammers and
predators, they won't fall for them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic
of the Internet. Our first move was to acess the popular
"Google" search, and we told her it could answer any
question she had.
Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's
true, Mom. Think of something to ask it."
As she sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's
mother thought a minute, then started typing,
"How is Aunt Helen feeling?"

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Artisan Country Bread
By Holly805 [4 Posts, 5 Comments]
Cook Time: 35-45 minutes
Total Time: 2 hours
Yield: 2-3 shaped loaves or 2 dozen rolls
Source: I tweaked a standard French bread recipe over the
years until the loaf was more nutritious, had a soft crust,
and kept longer. A good recipe for true French bread is in
The Secrets of Jesuit Breadmaking (1995) by Brother Rick
Curry, S.J
Ingredients:
2 tsp active dry yeast (1 package)
1/2 tsp sugar
3/4 cup warm water
1/2 cup warm milk
2 tsp salt
2 Tbsp canola oil
1 cup whole wheat flour
2 - 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
Tip: My mother told me to never use a plastic bowl or spoon
when baking bread. Heavy duty ceramic is my favorite. Steel
and glass also produce good results.
Steps:
Sprinkle sugar and yeast evenly over 1/4 cup warm water. The
water should be almost hot to touch but not burning, like a
bath. Stir until mostly dissolved, then set aside for 5
minutes to let the yeast rise.
Add the remaining milk, water, salt, and the wheat flour.
Whisk for 30 seconds to 1 minute until smooth and slightly
elastic. Then beat in a cup of all-purpose flour and whisk
for another 1 to 2 minutes until smooth.
Using a sturdy mixing spoon, gradually beat in the remaining
cup of flour. Knead dough slightly in the bowl to incorporate
the rest of the flour. Note: the dough needs to come out of
the bowl somewhat sticky so it doesn't become tough during
the next stage of kneading. Reserve 1/4-1/2 cup flour.
Turn out the dough onto a smooth, lightly floured surface and
knead 8-12 minutes, until the dough's surface is smooth and
bounces back under slight pressure from your finger. The
dough should also indicate subtle air bubbles when gently
pulled back under itself.
Place dough into a large, lightly oiled bowl and turn to coat
all sides. Cover and let rise in a warm area for about 1
hour, or until it has doubled in bulk.
Punch dough down to let the air escape, then let it rest for
about five minutes. Shape loaves and/or rolls as desired and
place on lightly greased cookie sheet to rise a second time
for about 30-40 minutes. The rolls/loaves should be just
under twice the original size before they go into the oven.
To make the pan brie loaf, simply cut half the dough and form
into a rounded disk. Make 5 or 6 evenly spaced slashes with a
serrated knife. They should be just 1/4 inch deep. You can
also curve the two outer slashes to follow the form of the
loaf.
To form simple rolls, pinch off dough roughly half the size
of a medium apple. Turn the rough edges under, gently
stretching each corner under itself.
Bake at 375 degrees F for 35-45 minutes, or until dark golden
brown and hollow sounding when tapped.

Skiing the Matterhorn

____________________________________________________
A young woman confides to a friend that she wants to
quit smoking, but nothing she does seems to work.
"Have you tried the patch?" her friend asks.
"No, that's one thing I haven't tried," the woman says,
"because I'm not sure it works."
Says her friend, "I'm sure it would, if you put it over
your mouth."
____________________________________________________

An ancient underwater city was found off the coast of Israel.

The road maintenance foreman ordered one of his men to dig
a hole 8 feet deep. But after the job was done, the
boss returned and explained an error had been made and
the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered
the worker.
The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a
problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into
the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the
office and explained his problem.
"Honestly!" the foreman snorted. "The kind of help I
get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do.
You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on November 29
1864 The Sand Creek Massacre occurred in Colorado when a
militia led by Colonel John Chivington, killed at least 400
peaceful Cheyenne and Arapaho Indians who had surrendered and
had been given permission to camp.
1890 Navy defeated Army by a score of 24-0 in the first Army-
Navy football game. The game was played at West Point, NY.
1892 A patent was issued to Almon Brown Strowger for the
rotary dial.
1929 The first airplane flight over the South Pole was made
by U.S. Navy Lt. Comdr. Richard E. Byrd.
1939 The USSR broke off diplomatic relations with Finland
prior to a Soviet attack.
1945 The monarchy was abolished in Yugoslavia and a republic
proclaimed.
1947 The U.N. General Assembly passed a resolution that
called for the division of Palestine between Arabs and Jews.
1961 The Mercury-Atlas 5 spacecraft was launched by the U.S.
with Enos the chimp on board. The craft orbited the earth
twice before landing off Puerto Rico.
1963 A Trans-Canada Airlines DC-8F with 111 passengers and 7
crew members crashed in woods north of Montreal 4 minutes
after takeoff from Dorval Airport. All aboard were killed.
The crash was the worst in Canada's history.
1963 U.S. President Johnson named a commission headed by Earl
Warren to investigate the assassination of President Kennedy.
1967 U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert S. McNamara announced
that he was leaving the Johnson administration to become
president of the World Bank.
1974 In Britain, a bill that outlawed the Irish Republican
Army became effective.
1975 Bill Gates adopted the name Microsoft for the company he
and Paul Allen had formed to write the BASIC computer
language for the Altair.
1982 The U.N. General Assembly voted that the Soviet Union
should withdraw its troops from Afghanistan. The CIA was
training and supplying the Taliban to fight the Russians.
1987 A Korean jetliner disappeared off Burma, with 115 people
aboard.
1987 Cuban detainees released 26 hostages they'd been holding
for more than a week at the Federal Detention Center in
Oakdale, LA.
1988 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the rights of criminal
defendants are not violated when police unintentionally fail
to preserve potentially vital evidence.
1989 In Czechoslovakia, the Communist-run parliament ended
the party's 40-year monopoly on power.
1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to authorize military
action if Iraq did not withdraw its troops from Kuwait and
release all foreign hostages by January 15, 1991.
1991 17 people were killed in a 164-vehicle wreck during a
dust storm near Coalinga, CA, on Interstate 5.
1994 Fighter jets attacked the capital of Chechnya and its
airport only hours after Russian President Boris Yeltsin
demanded the breakaway republic end its civil war.
1996 A U.N. court sentenced Bosnian Serb army soldier Drazen
Erdemovic to 10 years in prison for his role in the massacre
of 1,200 Muslims. The sentence was the first international
war crimes sentence since World War II.
1998 Swiss voters overwhelmingly rejected legalizing heroin
and other narcotics.
2004 The French government announced plans to build the
Louvre II in northern France. The 236,808 square foot museum
was the planned home for 500-600 works from the Louvre's
reserves.
2008 In China, construction on the Shanghai Tower began.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, November 28
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Road rage face-off, one brother goes after other motorist,
then his brother tries to hit the other motorist with his
car, but misses and hits his own brother instead, cutting off
his leg.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 28 in
1582 William Shakespeare and Anne Hathaway were married.
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
I am patient with stupidity
but not with those who are proud of it.
--- Edith Sitwell (1887 - 1964)
A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool
usually has his suspicions.
--- Wilson Mizner
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A five year old was discussing Noah's Ark with
Grandma. Grandma asked, "How many animals went
into the Ark?"
The youngster replied: "One mail and one e-mail."
______________________________________________________
2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99
A woman approached the minister after the sermon,
and thanked him for his discourse.
"I found it so helpful," she said.
The minister replied: "I hope it will not prove as helpful
as the last sermon you heard me preach."
"Why, what do you mean?" asked the astonished woman.
"Well," said the minister, "that sermon lasted you three years."
______________________________________________________
There are three signs of old age.
The first is your loss of memory.
I forget the other two.
______________________________________________________
From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Elmer Gonzalez,
44,
Palm Beach,
Floriduh
Road rage face-off, one brother goes after other motorist,
then his brother tries to hit the other motorist with his
car, but misses and hits his own brother instead, cutting off
his leg.
Police say a fight broke out at the West Palm Beach, Florida,
parking lot after Elmer Jacinto Gonzalez and his brother Rudy
Gonzalez accused David Troche of cutting them off.
Witnesses, who recorded the fight, told deputies the man
didn’t want to fight the brothers. However, Rudy Gonzalez hit
the man in the head and arm with a large, pipe-like object,
witnesses told deputies, and in self-defense, the man took
him to the ground.
Elmer Gonzalez then got into his wife’s car and sped backward
trying to hit the man, according to the sheriff’s office. The
man jumped out of the way, leaving Rudy Gonzalez in the car’s
path. He was thrown into a parked vehicle, deputies said.
Cellphone footage shows Rudy and Troche tussling with each
other, before Troche body slams him into the ground.
Cellphone footage shows Rudy and Troche tussling with each
other, before Troche body slams him into the ground. Rudy
then chases after him swinging a two-by-four plank.
Elmer gets behind the wheel of his car and shocking video
shows him slam the car into reverse and back up while Troche
and Rudy are arguing.
Elmer misses Troche, but slams into his brother at great
speed sending him flying backwards into another car.
The impact severed Rudy's leg while the panicked Elmer drove
forward, mounting the curb, before reversing and driving
straight at Troche's black Dodge Charger.
Troche's son, who had been a passenger in his car, was
removed moments before impact and taken to a safe place while
stunned bystanders called the cops.
Elmer Gonzalez was arrested and now faces two counts of
attempted murder
Rudy Gonzalez was rushed to hospital in a critical condition
with a severed leg. His current condition is unknown.
His brother was arrested and now faces attempted murder
charges.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From Wendy
Re: Hot HP laptop
Dear Webby,
Hi there. Purchased a HP laptop. It's awesome except for
Windows 10 DUH! but my question is why does it get so hot? I
took the battery out of it as I'm using it with regular
power. Someone told me that I needed a 'cooling' mat but
since a lot of people who know nothing give advice, I thot it
best that I go to the head-honcho! Thanks for all your help
in the past. Thank goodness we have someone to go to who
hasn't got a dollar in the pie. Blessings and pray all is
going well with your eyes.
Wendy
Dear Wendy
If the laptop is new and sitting on a hard surface that
allows air circulation under it, it should not get too hot.
If you use a separate keyboard and have a pile of bills piled
on the laptop, file them elsewhere. It needs to suck in fresh
air through the keyboard.
If the laptop is a few years old and has never been cleaned
out, open it up and vacuum it out. Clean fans and heat-sinks
with Q-tips and Windex until they are clean and shiny, or get
somebody to do that for you.
If you are running your laptop on top of your lap, or bed, or
anything soft, put it onto a hard cutting board, so that air
intakes underneath or on the sides are not obstructed. It's
not a matter of software, just of air movement.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to Gayle for this one:
An American has an emergency and crash-lands in the
Australian bush, way out in the middle of nowhere.
After what seems like an eternity, he wakes up in a bush
clinic, very rustic, dirty, with foul smells and he is
bandaged from head to foot.
He sees a very large, somewhat gruff looking nurse
approaching him as he lay in his cot.
"Did I come here to die?" he says with a deep sense of
resignation and fear.
"No," the Aussie nurse replies, "You kaime here yisterdie."

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Freezing Leftover Turkey In Gravy
By Monica Adam [12 Posts, 28 Comments]
I usually freeze the turkey in the gravy!
That way the turkey stays moist.
By Monica from Pingree Grove, IL

____________________________________________________
Thanks to Roland for this one:
Is it just me or does anyone else find it amazing
that our government can track a cow born in Canada
almost three years ago, right to the stall where she
sleeps in the state of Washington.
Also they track her calves to their stalls. But they
are unable to locate 21 million illegal aliens
wandering around our country.
The solution is to give every illegal alien a cow.
____________________________________________________

Examples of crappy design.

1 - HER DIARY
Sunday night I thought he was acting weird. We had
made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was
shoping with my friends all day long, so I thought he
was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he
made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I
suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk,
he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked
him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it
was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing
to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told
him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept
driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know
why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I
felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do
with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He
seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to
bed, about 5 minutes later he came to bed and to my
surprise he responded to my caress and we made love,
but I still felt that he was distracted and his
thoughts were somewhere else. I decided that I could
not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with
the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started
crying and cried until I too fell asleep I don't know
what to do I'm sure that his thoughts are with
someone else. My life is a disaster.
2 - HIS DIARY
Today the Leafs got knocked out of the playoffs,
don't know how I am going to pay all my lost bets.
But at least I got laid.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on November 28
1520 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the
Pacific Ocean after passing through the South American
strait. The strait was named after him. He was the first
European to sail the Pacific from the east.
1582 William Shakespeare and Anne Hathaway were married.
1757 English poet, painter and engraver William Blake was
born. Two of his best known works are "Songs of Innocence"
and "Songs of Experience."
1919 American-born Lady Astor was elected the first female
member of the British Parliament.
1922 Capt. Cyril Turner of the Royal Air Force gave the first
public exhibition of skywriting. He spelled out, "Hello USA.
Call Vanderbilt 7200" over New York's Times Square.
1925 The Grand Ole Opry made its radio debut on station WSM.
1942 In Boston, MA, 491 people died in a fire that destroyed
the Coconut Grove.
1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt, British Prime
Minister Winston Churchill and Soviet Leader Joseph Stalin
met in Tehran to map out strategy concerning World War II.
1958 The African nation of Chad became an autonomous republic
within the French community.
1963 U.S. President Johnson announced that Cape Canaveral
would be renamed Cape Kennedy in honor of his assassinated
predecessor. The name was changed back to Cape Canaveral in
1973 by a vote of residents.
1964 The U.S. launched the space probe Mariner IV from Cape
Kennedy on a course set for Mars.
1978 The Iranian government banned religious marches.
1979 An Air New Zealand DC-10 flying to the South Pole
crashed in Antarctica killing all 257 people aboard.
1983 The space shuttle Columbia took off with the STS-9
Spacelab in its cargo bay.
1985 The Irish Senate approved the Anglo-Irish accord
concerning Northern Ireland.
1987 A South African Airways Boeing 747 crashed into the
Indian Ocean. All 159 people aboard were killed.
1989 Romanian gymnast Nadia Comaneci arrived in New York
after escaping her homeland through Hungary.
1990 Margaret Thatcher resigned as prime minister of Britain.
1992 In Bosnia-Herzegovina, 137 tons of food and supplies
were to be delivered to the isolated town of Srebrenica.
1992 In King William's Town, South Africa, black militant
gunmen attacked a country club killing four people and
injuring 20.
1994 Jeffrey Dahmer, a convicted serial killer, was clubbed
to death in a Wisconsin prison by a fellow inmate.
1994 Norwegian voters rejected European Union membership.
1995 U.S. President Clinton signed a $6 billion road bill
that ended the federal 55 mph speed limit.
2010 WikiLeaks released to the public more than 250,000 U.S.
diplomatic cables. About 100,000 were marked "secret" or
"confidential."
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, November 27
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Girl, 11, Finds Wanted Man Hiding Inside
Her Bedroom Closet
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 26 in
1701 Anders Celsius was born in Sweden. He was the inventor
of the metric Celsius thermometer.
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Race Cox,
26,
Ardmore,
Oklahoma
Girl, 11, Finds Wanted Man Hiding Inside
Her Bedroom Closet
A girl from Oklahoma can’t stop thinking about the terrifying
moment she found a wanted man hiding inside her bedroom
closet.
“Every time I come in my closet or my room or my bathroom,
anywhere, I just think about it and like I remember how scary
it was,” 11-year-old Presley Brown said.
Presley was playing on her cell phone in her Ardmore home
last Monday when she spotted Race Cox’s reflection in the
mirror. The 26-year-old man, who fled from police on Sunday
after officers tried to arrest him on two felony warrants,
emerged from between her clothes and said: “Don’t be scared,
little girl.”
“I started screaming bloody murder,” Presley told KFOR.
Police were searching for Race Cox on two felony warrants
before he broke into the family’s home.
Presley’s parents heard her cries and came running. Her
mother, Monica Brown, found Presley crying in the hallway.
Her father, who was not identified, grabbed Cox, but he got
away after a brief scuffle and fled with $100 of Presley’s
birthday money.
Police spotted Cox walking along a nearby street the
following morning and arrested him on the outstanding
warrants, plus two more charges of burglary and escape from
arrest. It’s not clear what Cox was originally wanted for,
but he remains in Carter County Jail on $40,000 bond.
Brown was thankful the incident didn’t take an even more
terrifying turn.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From Joanne
Re: Pictures not showing in FF
Dear Webby,
I write my pages with FrontPage and fix them by hand.
They look OK when I view them, but friends and customers
tell me that most of the pictures don't show on FireFox.
They also tell me that most of my links don't work.
What's the problem with FireFox ?
Joanne
Dear Joanne
It is not a problem with Firefox.
It is a problem with you, FrontPage and MSIE not being
up to standard.
The international standards, which were set and agreed upon
long before MSIE came out, stipulate that file names on the
net are NOT to have empty spaces in them.
Many years later, when Microsoft finally wrote MSIE, they
decided that their users would be too dumb to remember that,
and made it so that MSIE and FrontPage let you get away
with spaces inside of names (and a few other assorted bits
of sloppiness).
Firefox and all the other browsers stuck to the standards.
You will have to first change the file names of the pictures
and the pages that you link to, and then fix all the links
and picture calls.
I realize, that may seem as much of a nuisance to you as
if you had been told as a kid that you could bicycle on any
side of the road, and now all of a sudden the big meanies
tell you, with a car you have to stick to the standard, and
drive on ONLY on the agreed upon side of the road.
Pouting at the agreed upon standards won't help you. If you
want your links and pictures to work right on all browsers,
then you'll have to bring their names up to standard.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
An extremely shy fellow brings his date a bouquet of
flowers. She's so overcome she throws her arms
around him and kisses him long and hard.
After the kiss, red-faced, he turns and bolts for the door.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she says. "I didn't mean to offend you."
"You didn't," he replies. "I'm just running down to the
cemetery for more flowers!"

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

____________________________________________________
A driver pulls up beside a farmhouse in
eastern Nebraska. He gets out and knocks at
the door. An old woman answers, and the
driver asks her for directions to Des
Moines, Iowa.
"Don't know," the woman says.
The driver gets back in his car and pulls
away. Then he hears voices. He looks in his
rearview mirror and sees the woman and a
man of about the same age waving for him
to come back. He makes a U-turn and
drives back to them.
"This is my husband," the old woman says.
"He doesn't know how to get to Des Moines either."
____________________________________________________

Examples of crappy design.

One Sunday afternoon, the Pastor's wife dropped into an
easy chair saying, "Boy! Am I ever tried!"
Her husband looked over at her and said, "I had to conduct
two special services last night, three today, and give a
total of five sermons. Why are you so tired?"
"Dearest," she replied,
"I had to pretend to listen to all of them!"

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on November 27
1684 Japan's shogun Yoshimune Tokugawa was born.
1701 Anders Celsius was born in Sweden. He was the inventor
of the Celsius thermometer.
1889 Curtis P. Brady was issued the first permit to drive an
automobile through Central Park in New York City.
1901 The Army War College was established in Washington, DC.
1934 U.S. bank robber George "Baby Face" Nelson was killed by
FBI agents near Barrington, IL.
1939 The play "Key Largo," by Maxwell Anderson, opened in New
York.
1970 Pope Paul VI, visiting the Philippines, was attacked at
the Manila airport by a Bolivian painter disguised as a
priest.
1973 The U.S. Senate voted to confirm Gerald R. Ford as vice
president after the resignation of Spiro T. Agnew.
1978 San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and City Supervisor
Harvey Milk, a gay-rights activist, were shot to death inside
City Hall by Dan White, a former supervisor.
1983 183 people were killed when a Colombian Avianca Airlines
Boeing 747 crashed near Barajas airport in Madrid.
1985 The British House of Commons approved the Anglo-Irish
accord giving Dublin a consulting role in the governing of
British-ruled Northern Ireland.
1987 French hostages Jean-Louis Normandin and Roger Auque
were set free by their pro-Iranian captors in West Beirut,
Lebanon.
1989 107 people were killed when a bomb destroyed a Colombian
jetliner minutes after the plane had taken off from Bogota's
international airport. Police blamed the incident on drug
traffickers.
1991 The UN Security Council unanimously adopted a resolution
that led the way for the establishment of a UN peacekeeping
operation in Yugoslavia.
1992 In Venezuela, rebel forces tried but failed to overthrow
President Carlos Andres Perez for the second time in ten
months.
2008 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth 2 (QE2) was taken out of
service after more than 30 years. The ship was launched on
September 20, 1967.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, November 26
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman, 32, Arrested For Distributing Naked
Photos Of Her Ex-Husband
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 26 in
1716 The first lion to be exhibited in America went on
display in Boston, MA.
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
The world is full of willing people, some willing to work,
the rest willing to let them.
--- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to
say the blessing when he opened the casserole dish
that his thrifty bride had prepared from countless
refrigerator leftovers.
"I don't know," he said dubiously. "It seems to me that
I have asked for a blessing on all this stuff before."
______________________________________________________
2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99
According to statistics, last year over 19 million
American families paid a lot of money for things that
looked funny and didn't work.
Seven million of these were antiques;
the rest were college students.
______________________________________________________
"Volvo says its new car, the YCC, is the first car designed
and developed exclusively by women, for women.
They say it is safe, it is fuel-efficient, and the exterior
is designed to always make the trunk look as small as
possible."
--- Jay Leno
______________________________________________________
Cardinal Gynandromorph
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Eva Gaitan,
32,
Palm Harbor,
Floriduh
Florida woman, 32, Arrested For Distributing Naked
Photos Of Her Ex-Husband
The 32-year-old Floridian is jailed on a stalking charge
after she allegedly distributed naked photos of her ex-
husband to the man’s employer and parents.
Gaitan was arrested yesterday on the misdemeanor charge at
the Palm Harbor home she once shared with her ex-spouse. The
couple's marriage was dissolved in February, according to
court records.
Police allege that Gaitan “mailed a CD of the nude images to
her ex-husband’s parents” and hand delivered “packages of
CDs” to her former husband’s workplace. The CDs were labeled
“Requires Immediate Attention.”
Gaitan, investigators charge, obtained the explicit photos
“from her ex-husband’s flash drive.” In a post-arrest
interview, Gaitan reportedly confessed to “burning the images
to discs” and then distributing the CDs.
Gaitan, who has pleaded not guilty, is being held in the
Pinellas County jail in lieu of $1000 bond. A judge has
ordered her to have no contact with her ex-husband.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From Fran
Re: Selective screen capture
Dear Webby,
I think you might have answered this before, but I can't
find it. How do I capture just the active window, not the
entire screen ?
Thanks
Fran
Dear Fran
Try ALT and the PrintScreen key.
Then jump to your graphics program,
and hit CTRL V to paste it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
The showers in Jo's daughter's dorm turned scalding
hot whenever a toilet was flushed. To warn others,
residents would yell out, "Flushing!" each time
they flushed the toilets.
During one of Jo's daughter's visits home, a friend
stopped by to chat for a while. Jo was explaining how
her daughter was acting more distant now that
she was in college, and that she didn't tell her all
about her life the way she used to. Suddenly they
heard the daughter scream out from the bathroom,
"Flushing!"
"Good grief," said Jo's friend, "How much more do
you want to know?"

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Easily Root Flower and Tree Cuttings
By poehere [36 Posts, 44 Comments]
Many people here on the islands love the flowers and trees I
grow in my garden. However, each time I give them a cutting
they can start growing in their garden they seem to die.
Therefore, I want to share with you a simple way to root
cuttings from different flowers or trees that you can plant
in your garden.
Material Needed:
recycled floral sponge foam
recycled food trays
old kitchen knife
cuttings from different flowers and plants
recycled cutting board
Directions:
Clean your old food trays or microwaveable trays with soap
and water.
Recover all the floral sponge foam from your different floral
arrangements.
On your cutting board sit the food tray and a block of floral
sponge foam.
Measure the foam to fit inside the recycled food tray.
Use an old kitchen knife to cut the foam down the middle
first and then around the sides. The foam needs to sit
tightly in the bottom of the recycled food tray.
Cut the foam into 6 to 8 evenly sized pieces.
Remove the leaves from the bottom of your cutting and gently
push the branch into the foam in your recycled tray.
Fill the bottom of the tray with water and set the tray in an
area that doesn't receive too much sun.
Within one to two weeks, you will start to see the root
growing from the bottom of the branches. Make sure you keep
the foam wet at all times. Each day I fill the bottom of my
trays half way full with water. This keeps the foam wet and
allows the branches to grow roots. After the roots have grown
through the foam it is time to plant your cuttings.
Remove the branch from the tray, foam and all. Place dirt in
the bottom of your pot and sit the foam in the middle of the
dirt. Finish filling the pot with dirt.
For the first two to three weeks allow the newly potted
cutting to receive moderate sunlight. After you see new
leaves growing on your branch you can move the flower pot to
another area in your garden.

And he was sooo helpful :D

____________________________________________________
Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was
having trouble reading the newspaper. "Now that you're over
40," the doctor told him, "you've developed a condition
called 'presbyopia,' in which the lens of your eye can no
longer focus as well as it used to."
Seeing his worried look, the doctor tried to be upbeat. "Con-
gratulations!" he said. "You're now officially a
presbyope!"
Doug leaned over and asked seriously, "If that means I'm no
longer a Roman Catholic, do I still have to go to
Confession?"
____________________________________________________
A young man from the city goes to visit his farmer
uncle. For the first few days, the uncle shows him the
usual things, the livestock, the crops. After three
days, however, it is obvious that the nephew is getting
bored, and the uncle is running out of things to amuse
him with.
Finally, the uncle has an idea. "Why don't you grab a
gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?"
This seems to cheer the nephew up, and with
enthusiasm, off he goes.
After a few hours, the nephew returns.
"How did you enjoy that?" his uncle asks.
"It was great," the nephew says. "I kinda like those
dogs, so I took the cats instead.
Got any more cats?"
____________________________________________________
At the Thanksgiving barbecue a lady stood up and said
that it was time to get ready for the celebrations.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every man to be
standing next to the one person who made his life
worth living.
Well, it was kind of embarrassing.
The poor barmaid was almost crushed to death.
____________________________________________________

Highlights from the 2016 National Geographic Nature Photographer of the Year Contest

Thanks to Barb for this one:
My kids never understood my logic.
Both of them failed to see why they
had to go to bed when I was tired.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on November 26
1716 The first lion to be exhibited in America went on
display in Boston, MA.
1789 U.S. President Washington set aside this day to observe
the adoption of the Constitution of the United States.
1832 Public streetcar service began in New York City.
1867 J.B. Sutherland patented the refrigerated railroad car.
1917 The National Hockey League (NHL) was officially formed
in Montreal, Canada.
1922 In Egypt, Howard Carter peered into the tomb of King
Tutankhamen.
1940 The Nazis forced 500,000 Jews of Warsaw, Poland to live
within a walled ghetto.
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered nationwide
gasoline rationing to begin December 1.
1942 The motion picture "Casablanca" had its world premiere
at the Hollywood Theater in New York City.
1943 The HMS Rohna became the first ship to be sunk by a
guided missile. The German missile attack led to the death of
1,015 U.S. troops.
1949 India's Constituent Assembly adopted the country's
constitution The country became republic within the British
Commonwealth two months later.
1950 China entered the Korean conflict forcing UN forces to
retreat.
1958 Maurice Richard (Montreal Canadiens) scored his 600th
NHL career goal.
1965 France became the third country to enter space when it
launched its first satellite the Diamant-A.
1973 Rose Mary Woods, told a federal court that she was
responsible for the 18-1/2 minute gap in a key Watergate
tape. Woods was U.S. President Nixon's personal secretary.
1975 Lynette"Squeaky" Fromme was found guilty by a federal
jury in Sacramento, CA, for trying to assassinate U.S.
President Ford on September 5.
1979 The International Olympic Committee voted to re-admit
China after a 21-year absence.
1983 A Brinks Mat Ltd. vault at London's Heathrow Airport was
robbed by gunmen. The men made off with 6,800 gold bars worth
nearly $40 million. Only a fraction of the gold has ever been
recovered and only two men were convicted in the heist.
1985 The rights to Richard Nixon's autobiography were
acquired by Random House for $3,000,000.
1986 U.S. President Reagan appointed a commission headed by
former Sen. John Tower to investigate his National Security
Council staff after the Iran-Contra affair.
1988 The U.S. denied an entry visa to PLO chairman Yasser
Arafat, who was seeking permission to travel to New York to
address the U.N. General Assembly.
1990 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev met with Iraqi
Foreign Minister Tariq Aziz at the Kremlin to demand that
Iraq withdraw from Kuwait.
1990 Matsushita Electric Industrial Co. agreed to acquire MCA
Inc. for $6.6 billion.
1992 The British government announced that Queen Elizabeth II
had volunteered to start paying taxes on her personal income.
She also took her children off the public payroll.
1995 Two men set fire to a subway token booth in the Brooklyn
borough of New York City. The clerk inside was fatally
burned.
1998 British Prime Minister Tony Blair made a speech to the
Irish Parliament. It was a first time event for a British
Prime Minister.
1998 Hulk Hogan announced that he was retiring from pro
wrestling and would run for president in 2000.
2003 The U.N. atomic agency adopted a resolution that
censured Iran for past nuclear cover-ups and warning that it
would be policed to put to rest suspicions that the country
had a weapons agenda.
2011 The Mars Science Laboratory/Curiosity spacecraft
launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, FL. The Mars
rover Curiosity landed on the floor of Gale Crater on August
6, 2012.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, November 25
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman assaults and chokes police officer
with undergarment
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 24 in
1715 Sybilla Thomas Masters became the first American to be
granted an English patent for cleaning and curing Indian
corn.
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Only the shallow know themselves.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of
things no one wanted even one of in the first place
is giving America a new sense of purpose.
--- Andy Rooney (1919 - )
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A passenger jet is taxiing down the runway when it
stops abruptly, turns around and returns to the gate.
After an hour-long wait, the plane finally pulls out
again, rolls down the runway and takes off.
A concerned passenger asks the flight attendant,
"What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the
engine," the attendant explains, "and it took us a while
to find a new pilot."
---------------------
No kidding, but something similar happened to me on
Sept 14, 2001, the first day the planes flew again
after 9/11. After the plane was loaded and everybody was
seated with their seatbelts on, Air Canada found out that
the pilot had chickened out and deserted. We sat there
in the plane at the gate for over two hours until they
found another pilot.
I have not flown with or recommended that airline since.
______________________________________________________
A couple is in a Lamaze class, and during one
session the husband is given a bag of sand to wear
around his middle to give him an idea of what it feels
like to be pregnant. After cinching it around his waist,
he stands up and says, "This doesn't feel so bad."
In response, the instructor drops a pen and asks the
husband to pick it up.
"You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant,
the way my wife would do it?" the husband asks.
"Exactly," the instructor says.
The man turns to his wife and says, "Honey, pick up
that pen for me."
______________________________________________________
A man appeared at a woman's front door and announces,
"Madam, I'm the piano tuner."
"I didn't send for a tuner," the piano-playing woman replied.
"I know, lady," the man said. "Your neighbor did."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Angel Muttlea,
21,
Fort Pierce,
Florida
Florida woman assaults and chokes police officer
with undergarment
Angel Muttlea, 21, was arrested by Fort Pierce police Oct. 30
in connection with the underwear imbroglio.
A woman accused of apparently trying to choke a police
officer with a “woman’s undergarment” was arrested, according
to an affidavit.
The incident at Lawnwood Regional Medical Center & Heart
Institute happened as an officer stood near a bathroom.
A woman later identified as Muttlea “threw over my head a
black woman’s undergarment,” the affidavit states.
“The garment then went around my neck and she began to pull
back obstructing my airway,” the affidavit states. “I fell
back to the ground with Muttlea and the garment still wrapped
around my neck.”
Muttlea dropped the undergarment, which appeared similar to a
slip.
Then she ate a rubber glove that was on the ground.
Muttlea, of Fort Pierce, was arrested on charges including
aggravated battery on officer and resist officer obstruct
without violence charges.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From Darlene
Re: Caps Lock
Dear Webby,
Is there a way to permanently disable the Caps Lock key ?
I never use it anyway and now, after breaking my pinky and
having it taped to the ring finger for support, it's an even
worse nuisance. And NO, id don't want some silly sound
reminding me I hit the Caps Lock. I want it disabled.
For good!
Thanks
Darlene
Dear Darlene
Just take a spoon and pry of the key cap for the Caps Lock,
and throw it away. Or you can glue it onto the coin operated
copy machine at Walmart or Staples.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a
woman in her 20s and is contemplating a proposal.
"Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asks
a friend.
"With her, your chances are better," says the friend,
"if you tell her you're 90, with a heart problem."

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing White Marks from Wood Table
By Hunnypuppy [2 Comments]
I would like to offer a correction to the answers here. The
root cause of the "cloudy" white stain on wood tables caused
by hot plates is the moisture that is trapped within the
varnish on the table.
This is specially for really hard old reclaimed wood tables
(teak, casuani, etc). These tables are typically finished
with "oil" varnish or polish and not water. Now I tried
everything from hot iron to baking soda and everything else
in between. The one thing that made is worse was using a
steam iron. That's because with steam it caused the oil
polish on the table trap more moisture and it made it worse
(like others have also seen if you google).
The trick is to get the moisture out. So with a water based
finish using a simple iron on low heat works great. However
after 4 hours I realized that for oil based polish you need a
very hot iron and a kitchen towel. This is very important
because unlike water polish with oil polish I realized I need
to get the table extremely hot and then it "pushes" the water
out of the table (yes you can see beads of it) and the towel
should soak it up right away otherwise it goes back.
So to summarize for oil based finishes you need a dry iron at
max temp out on a kitchen towel on the table and left there
for about 20-30 seconds on each spot and then wipe off the
water beads right away. Repeat until no more water comes out.
This is different from water based finish. Do NOT use a steam
iron on a oil based finish. Hope this helps.

The One Moment - super cool

____________________________________________________
A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident in
which a car has smashed into a tree. The cop rushes
over to the vehicle and asks the driver,
"Are you seriously hurt?"
"How do I know?" the driver responds. "I'm not a lawyer."
____________________________________________________
Porridge:
Budget conscious parent will tell you that it is a
traditional, nutritious, lovingly prepared hot cereal
breakfast dish.
Kids will tell you that the name is an amalgamation of
the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."
____________________________________________________

Hilarious signs

An artist asks the gallery owner if there has been any
interest in his paintings that are on display.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replies.
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about
your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value
after your death. When I told him it would, he bought
all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the
bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on November 25
1715 Sybilla Thomas Masters became the first American to be
granted an English patent for cleaning and curing Indian
corn.
1758 During the French and Indian War, the British captured
Fort Duquesne at what is now known as Pittsburgh.
1783 During the Revolutionary War, the British evacuated New
York. New York was their last military position in the U.S.
1837 William Crompton patented the silk power loom.
1850 Texas relinquished one-third of its territory in
exchange for $10 million from the U.S. to pay its public
debts and settle border disputes.
1867 Alfred Nobel patented dynamite.
1884 J.B. Meyenberg received the patent for evaporated milk.
1936 The Anti-Comintern Pact, an agreement between Japan and
Germany, was signed.
1952 Agatha Christie's "The Mousetrap" opened in London.
1955 In the U.S., the Interstate Commerce Commission banned
racial segregation on interstate trains and buses.
1957 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower suffered a stroke.
1970 Japanese author Yukio Mishima committed ritual suicide
after giving a speech attacking Japan's post-war
constitution.
1973 Greek President George Papadapoulos was ousted in
military coup.
1976 O.J. Simpson (Buffalo Bills) ran for 273 yards against
the Detroit Lions.
1983 Mediators from Syria and Saudi Arabia announced a cease-
fire in the PLO civil war in Tripoli, Lebanon.
1985 Ronald W. Pelton was arrested on espionage charges.
Pelton was a former employee of the National Security Agency.
He was later convicted of 'selling secrets' to Soviet
agents.
1986 U.S. President Reagan and Attorney Gen. Edwin Meese
revealed that profits from secret arms sales to Iran had been
diverted to rebels in Nicaragua. National Security Advisor
John Poindexter resigned and Oliver North was fired.
1990 Poland held its first popular presidential election.
1992 The Czech parliament voted to split the country into
separate Czech and Slovak republics beginning January 1,
1993.
1993 Egyptian Prime Minister Atef Sedki escaped an attempt on
his life when a bomb was detonated by Islamic militants near
his motorcade.
1995 Serbs protested in the streets of the Bosnian capital
Sarajevo The protest was against a peace plan.
1998 Britain's highest court ruled that former Chilean
dictator Augusto Pinochet, whose extradition was being sought
by Spain, could not claim immunity from prosecution for the
crimes he committed during his rule.
1998 President Jiang Zemin arrived in Tokyo for the first
visit to Japan by a Chinese head of state since World War II.
1998 The IMF (International Monetary Fund) approved a $5.5
billion bailout for Pakistan.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, November 24
Happy Thanksgiving, if you are in the US!
Thank you, Gene!!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman stalks and shoots while life streaming
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 24 in
1615 French King Louis XIII married Ann of Austria.
They were both 14 years old.
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition
that's troublesome.
--- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992)
The United States Congress, like a lot of rich people,
lives in two houses.
--- John Green
"Advice is probably the only free thing
which people won't take."
--- Lothar Kaul
"If it's free, it's advice;
if you pay for it, it's consulting;
if you actually use either one, it's a miracle."
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Baseball in the Bible?
It all started "In the Big Inning."
Eve stole first. Adam stole second.
Abraham made a sacrifice.
Jacob struck out.
The prodigal son made a home run.
Everybody played baseball
until the fall of the Roam Umpire.
______________________________________________________
Clint was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz,
and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later
that day Clint came back to the judge who had
presided at the hearing.
"Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for
that dirty lawyer of mine."
"Why ?" asked the judge. "He won your acquittal. What
do you want to have him arrested for ?"
"Well, your honor," replied Clint, "I didn't have
the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car
I stole."
______________________________________________________
The nice part of living in a small town is
that when I don't know what I'm doing,
someone else does.
______________________________________________________
The SHE-tree
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Kendra J. McNish,
24,
Gainesville,
Florida
Florida woman stalks and shoots while life streaming
After arguing with her significant other's ex-girlfriend for
two days on Facebook, Kendra McNish threatened the woman via
a Facebook live stream, police said, before shooting twice
into a random man's apartment.
By Nicole Wiesenthal Correspondent
A woman used Facebook Live on Sunday, police say, to send a
video notification of her dislike to her significant other's
ex-girlfriend, before shooting into a random victim's
apartment.
Kendra J. McNish, 24, of 1111 NE 24th St. in Gainesville, was
arrested Sunday after she created a Facebook Live video as
she followed a woman to an apartment, making threats and
preparing to shoot a gun, a report said.
McNish was charged with shooting a deadly missile into a
dwelling and aggravated stalking, a Gainesville Police report
said. She fired two shots into the victim's apartment.
McNish had been arguing for two days through Facebook with
her significant other’s ex, a report said, and Sunday, McNish
created a live stream video in which she traveled from the
Northwest Sixth Street area where she works to the location
she believed was the home of the person she'd argued with,
police said.
In the video, McNish advised her intended victim: “I’m on my
way to your house … so you can do whatever the f**k you need
to do," "call the cops ... I'm about to pull up," and that
she’d let the woman "slide" too many times. McNish entered
the apartment complex at 309 SW 16th Ave. where she believed
the woman lived.
The officer who reviewed the Facebook live video noted that
McNish is shown entering the complex, and then the audio
captured the sound of a zipper being pulled, and what the
officer described as "the distinct sound of a firearm slide
being racked."
The camera is placed in an area that obstructs the view, the
report said, and the video ends shortly after, but not before
a shot that shows McNish outside the apartment building.
The woman McNish was trying to find received word of the
threatening video, looked outside and heard what sounded like
two gunshots.
The rounds from the gun went through some man’s residence in
the complex through his front door and into his wall while he
was sitting inside, the report said.
McNish, whose occupation was listed on her arrest report as
stylist, was detained at Blys School of Cosmetology on
Northwest Sixth Street. She told police she didn't know
anything about a shooting, and after more questioning, police
said she told them "this situation is funny" and asked for a
lawyer.
McNish remained in the Alachua County Jail Monday in lieu of
an $8,000 bond.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From Brad
Re: Scroll Lock
Dear Webby,
What is the scroll lock key for ?
Is that just some old legacy stuff ?
Brad
Dear Brad
The Scroll lock is mostly just for spreadsheet and
database work. When you hit that, and then scroll with the
arrow keys or the tilt wheelm of the mouse, you move the
spreadsheet, not the highlighted cell.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living
room while his father was trying to read in the den.
The family dog was lying in the den, and as the
screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached
his ears, he began to howl loudly.
The father listened to the dog and the violin as long
as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to
the floor and yelled above the noise,
"For Pete's sake, can't you play something the dog
doesn't know?!"

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Tip: Removing Labels from Plastic Containers
By Lyn Barrett H. [2 Posts]
7 found this helpful
Use a hair dryer. Move it over label for a few minutes on
warm, then turn dryer off. Start to peel from one corner. It
should peel easily. If there is any residue left, use a
cotton bud with a little eucalyptus oil. That will dissolve
it. Wash in soapy water to clear any smell of the oil.
By Lyn from Bowen, Australia
Anonymous
Take top off from pill bottle put in microwave for 30
seconds. Label comes right off.

The One Moment - super cool

____________________________________________________
The young bride's mother had some old-fashioned ideas
of marriage, and passed them on to her daughter.
"Never let your husband see you in the nude," she
advised. "You should always wear something."
"Yes, mother," replied the obedient girl. Two weeks
after the wedding, as the girl and her brand-new
husband were preparing to retire when the guy asked,
"Dear, has there ever been any insanity in your
family?"
"Not that I know of," she answered. "Why?
"Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every
night you've worn that silly hat to bed."
____________________________________________________
Angus McInnes is dying. On his deathbed, he looks
up and says: "Is my wife here?"
"Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you," his wife replies.
"Are my children here?" he asks.
"Yes, daddy, we are all here."
"And my other relatives? Are they also here?"
"Yes, we are all here," says one.
"Then why is the light on in the kitchen?"
____________________________________________________

This is just weird.

A couple are asleep in their beds late one night, when
the wife thinks she hears a noise downstairs.
She nudges her husband and whispers,
"Wake up, wake up!"
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're
eating the broccoli casserole I made tonight."
"That'll teach them!" says the husband.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on November 24
1615 French King Louis XIII married Ann of Austria. They were
both 14 years old.
1859 Charles Darwin, a British naturalist, published "On the
Origin of Species." It was the paper in which he explained
his theory of evolution through the process of natural
selection.
1863 During the Civil War, the battle for Lookout Mountain
began in Tennessee.
1871 The National Rifle Association was incorporated in the
U.S.
1874 Joseph F. Glidden was granted a patent for a barbed
fencing material.
1903 Clyde J. Coleman received the patent for an electric
self-starter for an automobile.
1940 Nazis closed off the Jewish ghetto in Warsaw, Poland.
Over the next three years the population dropped from 350,000
to 70,000 due to starvation, disease and deportations to
concentration camps.
1944 During World War II, the first raid against the Japanese
capital of Tokyo was made by land-based U.S. bombers.
1947 The "Hollywood 10," were cited for contempt of Congress
for refusing to answer questions about alleged Communist
influence in their industry.
1963 Dallas nightclub owner Jack Ruby shot and killed Lee
Harvey Oswald live on national television.
1969 Apollo 12 landed safely in the Pacific Ocean bringing an
end to the second manned mission to the moon.
1971 Hijacker Dan Cooper, known as D.B. Cooper, parachuted
from a Northwest Airlines 727 over Washington state with
$200,000 in ransom.
1983 The Palestine Liberation Organization released six
Israeli prisoners in exchange for the release of 4,500
Palestinians and Lebanese held by the Israelis.
1985 In Malta, Egyptian commandos stormed an Egyptian
jetliner. 60 people died in the raid.
1987 The U.S. and the Soviet Union agreed to scrap short- and
medium-range missiles. It was the first superpower treaty to
eliminate an entire class of nuclear weapons.
1989 Czechoslovakia's hard-line party leadership resigned
after more than a week of protests against its policies.
1992 In China, a domestic jetliner crashed, killing 141
people.
1993 Robert Thompson and Jon Venables (both 11 years old)
were convicted of murdering 2-year-old James Bulger of
Liverpool, England. They were both sentenced to "indefinite
detention" and released six years later.
1995 In Ireland, the voters narrowly approved a
constitutional amendment legalizing divorce.
1996 Rusty Wallace won the first NASCAR event to be held in
Japan.
1996 Barry Sanders (Detroit Lions) set an NFL record when he
recorded his eighth straight 1,000-yard season.
1998 AOL (America Online) announced a deal for their purchase
of Netscape for $4.21 billion. They killed Netscape and used
IE.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, November 23
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida burglar hit by woman with with metal rod after
she caught him ransacking her apartment.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 21 in
1765 Frederick County, MD, repudiated the British Stamp Act.
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
For most folks, no news is good news;
for the press, good news is not news.
--- Gloria Borger
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The local parish had a fairly new priest. He had wonderful,
innovative ideas that were, for the most part accepted by
the congregation.
His mentor - a "higher ranking" priest came for a visit - to
see how he was doing. After looking the parish over, the
senior priest said, "Father John, your idea of a drive
through confessional is wonderful. That makes it
convenient for your church members.
And, Father John, it was a really good idea to have the
confessional open 24 hours a day, for those who do
shift work.
However, Father John... that flashing neon sign that says
"TOOT and TELL or GO to HELL" ...
well, that has to go.
______________________________________________________
A friend was laid up at home with the flu.
His fiancee called and volunteered to come over and
fix dinner and play nursemaid to him. He declined, not
wanting to pass on the flu to her.
"Okay honey", she told him, "We'll wait till after we
get married. Then we can spend the rest of our lives
making each other sick!"
______________________________________________________
This was heard on a public transportation vehicle
while in Orlando.
"When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower
your head and watch your step.
If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and
watch your language. Thank you."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Ebert Caballero,
25,
Miamio-Dade County,
Florida
Florida burglar hit by woman with with metal rod after
she caught him ransacking her apartment.
A South Florida woman attacked a burglar Sunday afternoon
after she caught him ransacking her apartment, authorities
said.
The incident was reported just before 2 p.m. at the Futura
Condominiums at 401 NW 72nd Ave.
According to an arrest report, the victim was walking toward
her apartment with her daughter and her daughter's babysitter
when they noticed that the front door was open.
Police said the babysitter and the girl went inside, saw
Ebert Caballero, 25, searching through the girl's bedroom and
ran outside screaming, "there's a man in the house."
The mother, armed with a silver rod, went inside and saw
Caballero inside her bedroom with her safe open and money in
his hand, the report said.
The woman told detectives that she had $500 inside the safe.
Police said the woman struck Caballero with the rod, rattling
his marbles and causing a cut on his ear.
Police said Caballero dropped the money and a knife on the
woman's bed and ran outside.
A neighbor who heard the commotion went outside and held
Caballero down until police arrived.
Caballero was arrested on charges of grand theft and armed
burglary.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From Daniel
Re: Screen won't open fully
Dear Webby,
my screen won't open full left to right.top to bottom is
good.is there a fix for this
daniel
Dear Daniel
Sounds like your settings are for old style 4:3 ratio, not
the sawed off modern style.
Go into settings and pick a different one until you like what
you get.
It lets you preview each setting, and unless you tell it that
you want to keep what you are trying, it will automatically
go back to what you had before.
Once you have a setting, that you like, write it down.
Chances are that whatever game changed the settings on you,
will do it again. Then you will need those numbers again.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Groan Alert:
Ben Kenobi and Luke Flyswatter are having a Chinese
supper. Ben picks up the chopsticks and starts eating.
Luke is having problems, there is food over his face,
his clothes, and the table, but not much in his mouth.
"What should I do?" he asks Ben.
"Use the forks, Luke!"

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Secretly Budget Pasta
By attosa [256 Posts, 572 Comments]
I call this Secretly Budget Pasta because I make it when I'm
short on funds. This recipe is super quick and cheap, but the
outcome is something fancy and delicious. Enjoy!
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 17 minutes
Total Time: 22 minutes
Yield: 2 servings
Ingredients:
1/2 onion, sliced
1 crown broccoli, cut into pieces
1 cup mushrooms, sliced
1 large tomato, diced
1 large garlic clove, minced
spaghetti or any pasta for two
1 Tbsp chicken or beef granulated stock
Steps:
Bring a pot of water to boil. Cook spaghetti as directed to
al dente.
Secretly Budget Pasta
Warm up a pan to medium high with a bit of oil. Add all your
vegetables except for the tomato. Fry until lightly browned
and softened, about 5 minutes, Stir often.
Drain pasta but reserve the water it was boiled in. Add pasta
to vegetables.
Add the granulated stock and the diced tomato.
Add some of the reserved pasta water to the mix a tablespoon
at a time. The starch in the water helps create a beautiful
thick sauce, and picks up all the yummy browned vegetable
bits at the bottom of your pan. To finish up, add salt and
pepper to taste. I like mine with a bit of cheese and hot
sauce. ;)

I think he failed the test :)

____________________________________________________
My Favorite Animal
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said,
"Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right,
because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried
chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened and he said my teacher was
probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very
much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told
me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite
live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it
was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office.
He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my
teacher doesn’t like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous military
person I admired most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where the hell I am now?
____________________________________________________
"We apologise for the error in the last edition, in which
we stated that 'Mr Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the
Police Force'. This was a typographical error. We meant
of course that Mr Nicolme is a Detective in the Police
Farce."
____________________________________________________

It takes a brave soul to explore the unknown corners of the Earth and it was a very brave man who explored Mammoth Cave in Kentucky.

Research had been going on for many years as to the
invention of the toothbrush. Researchers knew the
purpose of the device, wanted to know and acknowledge
the originating location.
After a very long and exasperating study the
researchers came to their conclusion as to the origin
of the toothbrush. It was decided that the brush was
invented in Maine.
Intrigued with the discovery, the researchers were
asked by the media how they came to the conclusion.
They all agree it was simple deduction,
"If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been
called a teethbrush."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
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____________________________________________________

Today on November 23
1765 Frederick County, MD, repudiated the British Stamp Act.
1835 Henry Burden patented the horseshoe manufacturing
machine.
1889 The first jukebox made its debut in San Francisco, at
the Palais Royale Saloon.
1890 Princess Wilhelmina became Queen of the Netherlands at
the age of 10 when her father William III died.
1936 The first edition of "Life" was published.
1943 During World War II, U.S. forces seized control of
Tarawa and Makin from the Japanese during the Central Pacific
offensive in the Gilbert Islands.
1945 The U.S. wartime rationing of most foods ended.
1948 Dr. Frank G. Back patented the "Zoomar" lens.
1946 Mound Metalcraft changed its name to Tonka Toys
Incorporated.
1961 The Dominican Republic changed the name of its capital
from Ciudad Trujillo to Santo Domingo.
1971 The People's Republic of China was seated in the United
Nations Security Council.
1979 In Dublin, Ireland, Thomas McMahon was sentenced to life
imprisonment for the assassination of Earl Mountbatten.
1980 In southern Italy, approximately 4,800 people were
killed in a series of earthquakes.
1983 The first Pershing II missiles were deployed in West
Germany. In response, the U.S.S.R. broke off International
Nuclear Forces (INF) talks in Geneva.
1985 Larry Wu-tai Chin, a retired CIA analyst, was arrested
and accused of spying for China. He committed suicide a year
after his conviction.
1985 Gunmen hijacked an Egyptian jetliner en route from
Athens to Cairo. The plane was forced to land in Malta.
1988 Wayne Gretzky scored his 600th National Hockey League
(NHL) goal.
1989 Lucia Barrera de Cerna, a housekeeper who claimed she
had witnessed the slaying of six Jesuit priests and two other
people at the Jose Simeon Canas University in El Salvador,
was flown to the U.S.
1994 About 111 people, mostly women and children, were killed
in a stampede after Indian police baton-charged tribal
protesters in the western city of Nagpur.
1998 Dennis Rodman filed for an annulment from Carmen
Electra. The two had been married on November 14, 1998.
1998 The tobacco industry signed the biggest U.S. civil
settlement. It was a $206-billion deal to resolve remaining
state claims for treating sick smokers.
1998 A U.S. federal judge rejected a Virginia county's effort
to block pornography on library computer calling the attempt
unconstitutional.
2010 North Korea shelled Yeonpyeong Island.
2016 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, November 22
Thank you, William
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Teacher worse than Bonehead
Heartbreaking moment: Autistic boy, six, is left sobbing when
a teacher snatches the microphone from him as he's about to
say his line in the school play
Read more
Todays regular Bonehead Award:
4 charged after man beaten following car crash as
bystanders yelled anti-Trump taunts
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 21 in
1963 U.S. President Kennedy was assassinated while riding in
a motorcade in Dallas, TX. Texas Governor John B. Connally
was also seriously wounded. Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson
was inaugurated as the 36th U.S. President.
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
______________________________________________________

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______________________________________________________
Lack of money is the root of all evil.
--- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
The power of accurate observation is commonly called
cynicism by those who have not got it.
--- George Bernard Shaw
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Noella
When Trump won the election, he made history:
He is the first man to win an argument with a woman.
______________________________________________________
Los Angeles: Rain Returned Sunday Night And Caused A 570%
Rise In Freeway Crashes
______________________________________________________
He was not well-educated and rather rough and crude around
the edges, but he was recently converted and now on fire for
the Lord.
He was constantly pestering the pastor to give him some work
that would be helpful to the church. Finally the pastor
agreed. He gave the man a list of ten people who hadn't been
in church for years nor made any financial contribution.
Some of these were quite prominent in the community.
The pastor said, "What I want you to do is get these people
back to church, however you can. You can use church
stationery if you want, but get these people back to church."
Three weeks later the pastor got an envelope in the mail from
a prominent doctor whose name had been on the list, along
with a check for $1,000 and a note that read, "Dear Pastor,
Please excuse my inactivity at church. I really have no
excuse. Accept this check as a partial contribution for all
the Sundays I've missed, and be assured I will never, by
choice, miss worship again.
Sincerely, J. B. Jones, M.D.
P.S. - Will you kindly tell your secretary that there is
only one "t" in dirty and no "c" in skunk?"
______________________________________________________
Just Married!
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Julian Christian, 26,
Dejuan Collins, 20,
Rajane Lewis, 21,
an unidentified 17-year-old
Chicago,
Illinois
4 charged after man beaten following car crash as
bystanders yelled anti-Trump taunts
Four people have been charged after a man was punched and
kicked as a crowd yelled, “Don’t vote Trump," a day after the
presidential election, police said.
Julian Christian, 26, of the 2500 block of 14th Avenue in
Broadview, Dejuan Collins, 20, of the 9500 block of South
Avalon Avenue in Chicago, Rajane Lewis, 21, of the 7800 block
of South Euclid Avenue in Chicago, and a 17-year-old girl
who is charged as a juvenile, were each charged with one
felony count of vehicular hijacking, police said.
A video of the incident went viral and the victim, 49-year-
old David Wilcox, acknowledged he supports Donald Trump but
said that's not what started the beating on the West Side.
Wilcox said he was about to turn left from Kedzie Avenue to
Roosevelt Road around 1 p.m. Nov. 9 when a black sedan pulled
up and scraped the right side of his Pontiac Bonneville.
"I stopped and parked. And I asked if they had insurance, and
the next thing that I knew they were beating the s--- out of
me," Wilcox said.
Police said the four were identified as the people
responsible for striking a man during a traffic altercation.
The man was then dragged as he held on to the window of the
vehicle. He was taken to Mount Sinai Hospital and was treated
and released, police said.
Because of the videos shown worldwide the Chicago cops had to
arrest and charge the criminals.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From Bill
Re: Eudora fixed
Dear Webby,
Once again you have solved my problem. I couldn't believe the
number of e-mails in "Trash". Everything is back to normal.
Thanks again,
Bill
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Some engineers from the U.S.G.S. surveyed some property
and found that in a certain area, the New Hampshire and
Maine border must be changed. They stopped to inform a
farmer that he was no longer in Maine, but in New Hampshire.
After a long pause, he grunted and said, "That's good. I
couldn't take another one of these Maine winters anyway."

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Elastic Band Across Paint Pot
By ShirleyE [117 Posts, 66 Comments]
By simply wrapping an elastic band around your paint pot, you
can save yourself a lot of mess. This has two useful
purposes. You can rest the brush on it and you can wipe off
excess paint. In both cases, the paint will drip directly
back into the pot instead of making a mess of the sides of
the can.

Thunderstruck

____________________________________________________
There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and
the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they
can get material up and down to the upper floors.
A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the
doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be
"called" to another floor. One day one of the workers,
Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and
it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton.
Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After
the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no
avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down.
Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight:
The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling to
the heavens:
"Peter! CLOSE THE GATE!!!"
____________________________________________________
A man goes to a clinic early on a Monday morning and
asks to see a doctor. He appears to be in great pain,
and his hands are in bandages. The nurse looks at him
sympathetically. "Arthritis, with complications?" she
asks.
"No," groans the man. "Do-it-yourself, with concrete
blocks."
------------
The best way to heal hands damaged by concrete and concrete
block work is to do dishes, without gloves, of course.
Then wear a fresh pair of work gloves the next day.
I have built three houses in the Yukon and found out that
trick really works.
____________________________________________________

Scrap metal super cars.

"I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," the young man
said, eyeing the cute salesgirl, "but I don't know her size."
"Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.
"Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller
than yours."
"Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl queried as she
wrapped the gloves.
"Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs a
bra."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on November 22
1699 A treaty was signed by Denmark, Russia, Saxony and
Poland for the partitioning of the Swedish Empire.
1718 English pirate Edward Teach (a.k.a. "Blackbeard") was
killed during a battle off the coast of North Carolina.
British soldiers cornered him aboard his ship and killed him.
He was shot and stabbed more than 25 times.
1899 The Marconi Wireless Company of America was incorporated
in New Jersey.
1906 The International Radio Telegraphic Convention in Berlin
adopted the SOS distress signal.
1910 Arthur F. Knight patented a steel shaft to replace wood
shafts in golf clubs.
1928 In Paris, "Bolero" by Maurice Ravel was first performed
publicly.
1935 The first trans-Pacific airmail flight began in Alameda,
CA, when the flying boat known as the China Clipper left for
Manila. The craft was carrying over 110,000 pieces of mail.
1942 During World War II, the Battle of Stalingrad began.
1943 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, British Prime
Minister Winston Churchill and Chinese leader Chiang Kai-shek
met in Cairo to discuss the measures for defeating Japan.
1963 U.S. President Kennedy was assassinated while riding in
a motorcade in Dallas, TX. Texas Governor John B. Connally
was also seriously wounded. Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson
was inaugurated as the 36th U.S. President.
1967 The U.N. Security Council approved resolution 242. The
resolution called for Israel to withdraw from territories it
had captured in 1967 and called on adversaries to recognize
Israel's right to exist.
1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon lifted a ban on American
travel to Cuba. The ban had been put in place on February 8,
1963.
1974 The U.N. General Assembly gave the Palestine Liberation
Organization observer status.
1975 Juan Carlos I was proclaimed King of Spain upon the
death of Gen. Francisco Franco.
1975 "Dr. Zhivago" appeared on TV for the first time. NBC
paid $4 million for the broadcast rights.
1977 Regular passenger service on the Concorde began between
New York and Europe.
1983 The Bundestag approved NATO's plan to deploy new U.S.
nuclear missiles in West Germany.
1985 Anne Henderson-Pollard was taken into custody a day
after her husband Jonathon Jay Pollard was arrested for
spying for Israel.
1985 38,648 immigrants became citizens of the United States.
It was the largest swearing-in ceremony.
1986 An Iranian surface-to-surface missile hit a residential
area in the Iraqi capital of Baghdad, wounding 20 civilians.
1986 Attorney Generel Meese's office discovered a memo in
Colonel Oliver North's office that included an amount of
money to be sent to the Contras from the profits of weapons
sales to Iran.
1986 Mike Tyson became the youngest to wear the world
heavyweight-boxing crown. He was only 20 years and 4 months
old.
1988 The South African government announced it had joined
Cuba and Angola in endorsing a plan to remove Cuban troops
from Angola.
1989 Rene Moawad, the president of Lebanon, was assassinated
less than three weeks after taking office by a bomb that
exploded next to his motorcade in West Beirut.
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush, his wife, Barbara, and
other congressional leaders shared Thanksgiving dinner with
U.S. troops in Saudi Arabia.
1990 British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher announced she
would resign.
1993 Mexico's Senate overwhelmingly approved the North
American Free Trade Agreement.
1993 American Airlines flight attendants ended their strike
that only lasted four days.
1994 Inside the District of Columbia's police headquarters a
gunman opened fire. Two FBI agents, a city detective and the
gunman were killed in the gun battle.
1994 In northwest Bosnia, Serb fighters set villages on fire
in response to retaliatory air strikes by NATO.
1998 CBS's "60 Minutes" aired a tape of Jack Kevorkian giving
lethal drugs in an assisted suicide of a terminally ill
patient. Kevorkian was later sentenced to 25 years in prison
for second-degree murder.
2005 Angela Merkel was elected as Germany's first female
chancellor.
2005 Microsoft's XBOX 360 went on sale.
2013 The discovery of Siats meekerorum was announced. The
dinosaur skeleton, more than 30 feet long, was found in
eastern Utah.
2016 smiled.

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