Prenup Considerations

Talking Prenup? You Need To Tread Carefully - Here's What You Do

If you’re recently engaged and you’re thinking you need to get a prenup, brace yourself for some uncomfortable conversations at best, and her leaving you at worst. Unfortunately, the truth is if you suggest a prenup, all roads lead to her thinking you’re a douche.

So here are four things to keep in mind before you dive in.

She’s Going To Freak

Regardless of how you frame the conversation, when she hears the word “prenup,” she is going to fall out of her yoga pants (and not in the good way). You’ve made her so happy by proposing, but now you’re already thinking of “your out”. Well, that’s probably what she’s thinking.

So in the conversation you want to minimize the chance of her getting so mad that she leaves you. Big picture — we want her to sign a prenup. Small picture — we want her to calm the f*** down.

The Conversation

To keep her calm your best bet is to look her straight in the eye and say “I love you, this is so awkward, but you know I have been working really hard over XX years and I am so excited to build our life together. But what are your thoughts on some sort of prenup that sets aside some assets that have been built before we met each other?”

Whatever you do don’t say “my” assets. Also, if you say it this way, it sounds like you’re suggesting she might want to “set aside” some of her assets too. Which you are, right?

Talk to her like it’s a question/conversation vs. telling her she needs to sign a prenup. This will take many conversations to convince her, probably around four or five, and some sushi dinners (not from the grocery store). Each conversation should be geared around you being slightly paranoid about losing assets, which you are. It’s about you and your paranoia, not her.Seriously, Do You Need A Prenuptial Agreement?Like, do you make a lot of money or have a lot of assets or are you being overly paranoid? Everyone has a different definition of what is a lot of money and only you know if you’re being a diva about this.

Do you own a home or a business? Do you have a retirement account that you’ve been dutifully building for the last several years? Do you have an inheritance? Do you have family members you’ll need to take care of? These are all valid reasons to read up on prenups and prenup loopholes.

But be realistic about what you have. Think in terms of risk/reward; is the risk of her getting upset with you and potentially tarnishing your relationship worth the reward of whatever assets you’re protecting? Only you know that.

What’s Her Financial Situation

Does she have a lot of debt? Like school loans or credit card debt? Does she have an addiction to buying 12 bottles of proactive on QVC at 1 a.m every night? Now might be a good time to ask all these things. You don’t want her turning your credit score tits up.

Also, for all you know she could have assets she wants to protect, so that would be good to know too. No, it’s not like you need to get all inspector gadget on her; just tell her you want to talk about your finances from a bigger picture standpoint (are you merging bank accounts? are you splitting bills? etc etc). You can learn these things about her as part of a larger conversation.

In conclusion I would like to remind you to just enter the conversation like you’re the paranoid weirdo, not her.

Repeat that to yourself every day for five days before you talk to her. Just like Joaquin Phoenix did to prepare for his role in Walk The Line as Johnny Cash, you must first live it to be convincing.