There are some words in the English language that convey profound meaning through their sheer ambiguity. Assclown is one of them.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Hallmark MacGyver

As I have mentioned before, my father and I aren't particularly enthusiastic about holidays. Particularly when it comes to exchanging greetings card. We traditionally exchange previously used cards, where we have replaced the prior sender's writing with our own. For instance, here is the last birthday card that I sent to him.

Today, I realized that Father's Day is this upcoming Sunday. It's Wednesday night and I'm in my hotel room in Minnesota. Thus, there is no way that I can wait until I return to Baltimore to mail his card and have any hope of having it arrive on time. I'm left with little choice but to come up with a card while I'm out here. I couldn't bear the thought of breaking tradition by buying a new card, so here is my solution.

It's not like you were even clever enough to write your message on the side of tampax, then stuff it back up the cardboard applicator [which is never to be discarded in the terlet unless you are a skank], and then mail it to Dear Ole Dad, who upon seeing the string thought "Cool, a firecracker for Father's Day."