Monday, February 27, 2012

Blind Dates: The Hype, The Hope, The Horror

Blind dates. The simultaneous friend and foe of every single girl out there. Well meaning friends and family always seem to have a guy they think would be "just right" for you. All my experiences with said men have lead me to believe 1 of 2 things: either my family and friends don't really know me at all, or, they really don't know these men they think would be "just right". There are no other logical explanation for why they would continue to orchestrate dates that, to date, have no hope of producing a lasting relationship.

And yet I, and I am sure you, continue to go on these dates. Why? Why do we put ourselves through the agony that can be a blind date? Allow me to explain using The Three H's Model of the Blind Dating Cycle. I think it will help to clear up a process that can only be described as insanity (Einstein's definition states that insanity is continuing to repeat the same action hoping to get a different result-is that not the blind dating scene in a nutshell??) And so I give you-The Three H's Model of Blind Dating. We begin with H number 1:

The Hype
During this stage of the cycle your friend, cousin, aunt, co-worker etc. introduces you to the idea of a blind date with the "perfect guy for you". His virtues and pleasing attributes are listed like the record of a prime race horse. Job? Yes, a wonderful one. Drug habit? Oh, no, he's the nicest guy! Hard working, ambitious, sweet, funny, intelligent, attractive. You start to think, wow. This could be it. The one I've been waiting for. This is the story I'll be telling our grandchildren in 60 years. My friends, you have just been fed-THE HYPE. We are now ready for stage 2.

The Hope
You've been fed the hype. You've taken a heaping spoonful and you're beginning to think things may actually work this time. The tentative pre-date texts, calls or emails have been witty, sweet, ethusiastivc. You've covered some basic getting to know you stuff and somewhere deep down the hope has started to bloom. This blind date will be unlike all the others. This guy will get you. You'll have instant chemistry. There will be no awkward pauses in the conversation, no surreptitiously checking your watch praying that it is almost time to go home, change into your pj's and watch re-runs of Grey's. He won't wait three days to call again, he will barely be able to wait three hours you've had such a magical time. He'll find you charming, gorgeous and wonder where you've been all his life. You'll be thrilled you finally found "the one". In your euphorically hopeful state, you pick out your favorite, most flattering outfit. You discuss hairstyles, jewelry and shoe options with your friends. You spend the day of the date in a marathon session of grooming and mentally prepping yourself to be confident, funny, smart, and somehow "yourself". This one is going to work. This is the one you've been waiting for, this is-THE HOPE. And after the hope comes...

The Horror
Yep. You were freaking wrong. This guy is not the one. He isn't even the three millionth. His jeans are tapered. He asks you to meet him at Red Robin and then goes to Applebee's and says he's sorry you've gotten "confused". He orderes a quesa-dill-a burger while proudly showing off a pictures of his diapered nephew cuddling a case of Bud Light.

Or maybe he is actually nice, funny, smart et al. But there's no zing, no zip. He manages to be at once pushy and a pushover. The thought of 60 years with him? Grey's and the couch are sounding better and better. You tell yourself to give him a second chance and then spend days in a near panic at the thought of him really liking you and you having to tactfully extract yourself from a relationship you only kind of maybe wanted. And then find yourself feeling inexplicably slighted when apparently he felt the same way you did and you never hear from him again. Never mind you weren't sold on him. Shouldn't he have liked you anyway?

Or horror of horrors you genuinely like him for once and the feeling is not reciprocated. Ouch. That stings.

And in once of the scenarios above or a variation thereof we find-THE HORROR.

And so the question remains-why, oh, why do we continue to put ourselves through this vicious cycle. Why do we subject ourselves to the emotional roller coaster when the result is inevitably the same EVERY SINGLE FREAKING TIME.

It's the 2nd H folks. It's the hope that keeps us coming back for more hype, more horror. Because one time, just one time when someone blessedly gets it right will make all the awkwardness worth it. It will make all horrible, agonizing, never ending dates worth it.

At least that's what I tell myself. That's why they call it hope isn't it? I don't care for the term hopeless romantic. I prefer to think of myself as a hopeful one. So I'll try to focus on stage 2-on the hope. Because let's be honest. That is absolutely ALL that is going to propel you through the hype and the horror to get you to what you've been waiting for.