One-of-a-kind Allen Edmonds

You make a six or seven figure income, dress Tom Ford, and wear the John Lobb or Edward Greens that make men in this forum salivate, but the truth is she isn't going home with you tonight, or any night for that matter. That's right, success in your active social life on Saturday night boils down to posting threads on this forum, because those women you tried to impress are all going home with an ARTISTS. If you're an ARTIST you can't be a looser, you're just an artist before your time. Picasso was a grisly old fart who couldn't paint with shit, but it didn't matter, he was an ARTIST with hot and cold running women till he died. But there is hope you can transform those boring old bespoke dinosaurs into chick magnets. These shoes, with the help of a white paint, and a brush, shout "I am an ARTIST, not some boring lawyer, CEO, or stock broker". And when you see me with Lindsey Lohen walking out of rehab together on the way to the next SF meet-up, you'll know why.

I just noticed you also dotted the tongues of the shoes. You took the time to remove the laces to do that. This reveals utter contempt of a fine quality Allen Edmonds product.
May I suggest repeating the procedure, dot for dot, with Glow-In-The-Dark paint?