Someone defrost Ted Williams’ head, Jed Lowrie is hitting .516. If Mickey Rooney were playing the part of Dice-K, he’d say Jed is so Lovrie. That’s if we can pull Rooney away from pooping in your neighbor’s chimney. Right now, Lowrie is seasoning up fantasy steaks something delicious, but can this continue? No, of course not. Can he hit .280 with 10 homers? Sure. Can he get to 15 homers? Is the moon made of green cheese? (Actually, it is.) Lowrie has a heart three sizes too big for his body and a thermos filled with spunk. But spunk’s a category in your league? Some would find that hard to swallow. He has little to no speed and, if he slumps for a second, Marco…Scutaro could go back to popping up in the most unlikely places. But, hey, it’s not like you need much. Lowrie could be a top ten shortstop with only one good month of stats. I’d absolutely pick him up but don’t drop a proven commodity. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jacoby Ellsbury – Hit his 4th homer yesterday as he and A-Gon go on casting calls for the remake to Vice Versa.

Jerry Sands – Called up by the Dodgers because Mattingly used to have a dope ‘stache and he loves crazy women. Okay, those aren’t related, but I like to think they are in my effort to emulate Mattingly. Sands looks like another Razzball favorite, the mollywhopping, pony stick-galloping, Mike Stanton. Just not quite as much power. Let’s say Mike Stanton Jr. Last year, Sands had 17 homers in Double-A in half a year (68 games). This year in Triple-A, he had 5 homers in 10 games. That’s a yes, please and thank you. For this year, I’d give Sands 20 homers, .250 average and 5 steals. There’s upside, obviously, so I picked him up everywhere I could. (Yes, I’m looking with my stink eye towards Yahoo for not having him in their player universe. Can they just have everyone in the minors like CBS or only the players on the 40 man roster? Because this willy-nilly, no one has any idea who is actually in the player universe is lamer than dog balls.)

Rick Ankiel – Supposedly, the Nats aren’t happy with Ankiel’s production. No way! C’mon, really? Wow, if they would’ve just read Razzball in March, I would’ve told them to start the season with Roger Bernandina. Keep your eye on Roger, roger?

Travis Wood – 3 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks and three first inning runs. He must be hanging out with Crazy Edinson.

Mike Leake – Arrested for stealing $60 worth of t-shirts from Macy’s. The pressure to keep up with Jay Bruce’s Ed Hardy collection is just too intense. If a cop sees you take a leak, it’s public indecency. So what’s it called when Leake takes something.

Tyson Ross – Going from Macy’s to Ross, Tyson Ross would be my choice to take Braden’s next scheduled start on Friday in Safeco. Ross had a solid spring and almost made the rotation. So far in Oakland, he has a 10+ K/9, but, as I tell my girlfriends, beware the small sample size. I like him for a spot start on Friday, if he gets it, then we’d have to take it from there.

Cody Ross – Sticking with the bargain basement Ross theme, Bochy said Belt could be sent down as soon as Tuesday, which is today on your Mayan calendars. “Don’t stare into the day Wednesday!” That’s what it says on my Mayan calendar.

Adam Jones – 1-for-4, 3rd homer. There was only one hitter in the O’s lineup hitting over .250. That’s Brian Roberts at .266. Member when they were 6-1 to start the year? They haven’t won since. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!

Shaun Marcum= top 15 pitcher?
BTW interesting stat I dug up on Marcum. His 2008 and 2010 seasons (hurt 2009 as you know), .234 BAA in the AL east. In that time span- Lester had a .240 BAA. In his first 2 years with the yanks, CC’s is around .235. Marcum has quietly been as dominant as the big boys. Looks to have rebounded from the shoulder tightness and rough first start (I read the cold weather affected his changeup).

A guy in my 20-team league picked up Lowrie minutes before the deadline to have him active for yesterday’s short schedule, and then he sat him.

Anyway, the never-ending process of prospecting for saves here … I picked up Motte a few days back but now Lindstrom has been dropped. Recalling Street’s injury history, should I drop Motte for Lindstrom? Or grab Lindstrom at the expense of someone else (Beachy or Bourjos are the most likely candidates)? Or just stay put?

Grey-
Love the What About Bob reference, along with the Groundhog day reference a couple days ago. You got a thing for Bill Murry movies? Dont get me wrong, those two are a couple of my faves. Thanks for all the help on the site!

Yahoo has been leaving off minor league add-ons for years. Then whaen they do put them on the FA list, you have to use a waiver shoice to pick them up. Everyone knows about their existence by then, and the Greysian edge is gone.

Maybe Leake is hanging out with Winona Ryder and Lindsay Lohan? But at least the latter two snatched items that were worth something. $59.99 in shirts? Where was he shopping at, K-Mart?

Cariflu had me in stitches.

Out of these pitchers, whom would you start: Wandy, B. Anderson, Shields, Burnett, Pavano?

PS-Thanks for starting me day laughing my a** of and waking up my wife at 4:00 AM.

Oh, I almost forgot: the Unveillance, a new data Leake intelligence organization, recently announced the launch of their new cloud-based botnet intelligence platform. But the plan got Dustied. Does this all add up to Sam LeCure having a bit more value?

start Kuroda tonight vs. ATL or not? normally it’s a no-brainer but considering he got battered last time out and there was talk immediately afterward that maybe he’d been pushed too far in his start previous to that one (117 pitches), I’m worried.

@Just another guy: give me desmond. he was pretty much my go to SS this year (1 league someone took him earlier than expected and i got stuck with furcal, ugh). i think he COULD definitely give you 20-20 numbers, and the avg should come up, though his ceiling is probably about .275 with the Ks.

i think it depends on the league set up. if you can only start 2-3 RPs every day, then no biggie, you just dealt a bunch of depth. if you can start a bunch of RPs each day and rotate your SPs in the only couple of P spots, then you dealt away more value. that said, how much do you really need to win saves by? having 125 saves at the break is nice and all until you realize that 2nd place only has 60 saves.

I was calculating a good year from a closer at 1.5 saves/week (6/mo) and a great year at 2 saves per week so the range I considered for those three was 36-48 (though it could certainly go up to 60). I considered Capps not-firmly-entrenched status, Contreras’s age and Broxton’s general suckiness so far. BUT, the things that nags me is I bet I could’ve gotten Greinke for only two guys instead of three. I do have 26 saves so far and lead the category by 10. And the guy I traded to had 0 saves so far.

@PepeSilvia: that means he only threw 83 last outing, so unless there is some larger injury concern, i wouldn’t view it as anything more than just a rough outing that pretty much every pitcher is gonna have from time to time.

Just wondering how much you value the #1 waiver spot because at the moment I’m finding it a curse. I didnt pick up Gardner because i’m saving it. Johnny Gomes has been dropped and i’d love to grab him but dunno if it’s worth #1. I’d be dropping David Murphy or Anibal Sanchez.

@hideousmutants: i wouldn’t worry too much. you should be fine with the 3 remaining closers plus boggs potential to be the closer. not to mention you can restock your roster with 2 more guys who might see saves at some point.

I’ve got Sizemore on the DL in a 13-team 6×6 (OBP and Winning %) league with only one bench spot and am looking to activate him. Do you drop Narveson, Alfonso Soriano, Fuld, Kubel, or Carlos Pena? Thanks man, I really appreciate your advice.

I know, I know I dont feel good letting Gardner go. i went on the yahoo boards and a few people said things like this.

‘It can feel like a double edged sword. Keep it though – when the right time to use it comes along you will absolutely know it!!. It will be an “oh my god!!” moment.’
……keeping with todays semen theme.

‘You will regret using your #1 Wav later on for someone you really need on your team. You only have one chance to do it so do it right.’

So do you think I should burn it and pick up Gomes now. Would you drop murphy for him?

@ritzer: tbh not sure if murphy for gomes is the one to burn it. gomes could be this year’;s jose bautista i guess, but he’s 30 and in his 7th season of significant MLB time and has a sub-.250 career avg (and .240 this year). his HR rate is high and will normalize, at which point he loses most/all value. unless you just have an immediate and dire need for HRs, just sit on it for now. i think it’s a fair chance gomes would clear waivers and you could pick him up without using your priority.

of course, substitute bautista for gomes and this post could have been dated april 18, 2010.

you should have blown it on gardner, if anything, because once he comes around, he’ll be a big trade piece. with waiver wire, i don’t know that there is a “oh my gawd!” moment, and if there is, there is no way to predict it, and waiting most/all year for your miracle means you just missed out on a bunch of flavor of the weeks all season, some of whom panned out longterm and some who didn’t.

@Shea Sera Sera: throw a dart? i wasn’t big on either coming into the year. both have talent, but can’t seem to completely put it together. definitely drop one for lilly, and i’d probably consider dropping the other for a streaming spot or if a guy like masterson is still on the wire.

Who is this Fuld character? First, he’s keeping Jennings in the minors (although… the Rays would probably have waited anyway). Second, someone grabbed him before I did… and my LF situation sucks (in large part cuz I drafted Jennings).

Thanks for the good Shizz, I love the “Grey Advantage” that you dole out and I use to crush my fantasy comrads. But I have to RAIN da HATE on Yahoo!

You (Grey) do the work, I do the work (ala reading your info EVERYDAY) and Yahoo! F’s me in the A! BY NOT letting me pick up players who are added late in their system. Leaving the waiver priorty to let even the most amature schmohawk point to the advantage of all your work, when their(Yahoo!’s) craphole writing staff to talk about it on the DAY BEFORE the waiver request is set to go thru on the front page of their FB site.

By the sum of the parts, I am sick of being better than eveyone (3 year current champ) only for the rookies and up-in-commers to be snaked out of my clutch because of a “equality’ based waiver system. (Just let me be better and stop creating balance YAHOO!)

Ok done ‘itchin for now, but if Yahoo! does not fix their shizz I am switchin for good.

A: Youk
B: McGehee and either GioGonz or R. Soriano (in a league with holds, on a team with a 41-year old closer).

And man – Mickey Rooney – what a punk – how is Breakfast at Tiff such a beloved flick with Rooney giving one of the most offensive performances in Hollywood history? I mean, If he were casually strolling out African-American stereotypes that whole flick, it would be banned from TV. Where’s the Asian Bill Cosby I ask? WHERE?

@ Grey or anyone: I’m desperate for saves – my only RP are Axford & Putz. Someone in my league dropped Aardsma. I want to pick him up but my DL spots are filled by Zimmerman & Morales.

I have 6 OF: Choo, McCutchen, Ethier, LoMo, Gomes, & Span (we only have 3 OF spots + 1 util). Should I drop Gomes or Span for Aardsma? And if so, Span, right? Or should I try to trade one of my OF for a better closer?

To add insult to injury, Behrens is apparently dedicating an article to Sands tomorrow….one day before his waiver expires.

And someone said it was ahrd to keep up with the comments on the West Coast. Imagine the East Coast! I’m slowly beginning to just avoid everyone’s comments (primarily because they’re all roster questions). I used to like reading every single comment, but now it’s getting to be too much!

Of Liriano’s 10 baserunners, 5 were BB. That’s a 2:5 K/BB. If you can sell him for $0.80 on the dollar to an owner who thinks he’s buying low, I would do it. I wasn’t high on Liriano during the preseason, and I think this pattern will continue.

@ Richard Pryor:
If you’re selling Liriano I’m buying…@.75. Too early to write him off, weather is cold, Liriano had a short spring training, new home park is a pitcher’s haven, past stats shows he heats up with the weather…I’ve actually traded for both Liriano and Bills (pre-11 k game) on a few teams.

In a deep 15 team yahoo league where no worthwhile major leaguers are dropped (only the likes of Bradley, McLouth, Theriot…etc) and many top prospects who might be called up are being stashed, how much of your $1000 FAAB budget would you spend on Sands?

If most of the other big name prospects needed to be posted to Yahoo’s site and go through the normal waiver process, I might be more conservative. Since that isn’t the case, and most teams have their full $1000 allotment remaining, I’m considering somewhere in the $400-600 range…

haha. awesome title grey! Sands is coming up just in time for Brandon Belt to get sent down. Now hopefully mattingly will play Sands at First tonight, so i can send Belt down and pick up Sands.

BTW… Thinking about flying to Minneapolis and punching Francisco Liriano in the mouth, any takers? i’ll take the 2 ER’s, but 5 BB’s? Are you kidding me, can we just get a solid outing out of this “supposive #1″… poop

LOL about Leake! I had to look it up and see if it was true. Guy got a two million dollar signing bonus and he shoplifted shirts that were on sale hahaha.
Anyways… Someone just dropped Victorino in my league is he worth the pick up. I recently dropped Abreau and Huff for Gordon and Morrison. 10 team H2H 7×7.
C-Wieters
1b- Gonzo
2b- Hill
3b- Gordon
SS- Drew
OF- Kemp, Heyward, Rasmus
UTL. Morrison and Dunn
BN- Lind and Wright (Doodes a K machine!)

@The |3lue Crew: drop morrison or go without a streamer for a few weeks until your lineup shakes out, but you definitely need to add victorino. i’d go without a streamer for a few weeks and see what happens with your lineup and whether you can swing a 2-for-1 trade or something.

Ditch E-Jax for Hafner? 10-team H2H league, 7 starts per week and I have Tommy Hanson, Daniel Hudson, Cain, Zimmermann, T-Wood, Hellickson, Dempster and Cueto so I can afford to ditch one and the player pool isn’t too deep.

@Whiskey Diet: lose esmil. masterson is breaking out. i’m wanting him on every team. grey admitted he was just a year early last year. masterson has experience, youth, talent, and has pitched plenty of MLB innings so it’s doubtful he gets shut down in august for precautionary reasons.

as for pineda, i wouldn’t imagine somewhere around 150 innings. mariners aren’t going anywhere. i wouldn;t drop pineda anyhere year though. you have a majority of the season left to enjoy good starts (hopefully).

Hey Grey, thanks as always. NJ says hello. I drafted Raburn as a 2b/MI backup player. Currently have Prado/Hanley/Alexei there now and he’s not exactly hurting me on the bench… but how much more leash are we looking at here?

I also have volquez who im dying to drop just can’t find the right guy… missed out on capps, had my 4th position waiver priority trumped by the guy with with the 3rd priority the other night…. annoying!

Ben Francisco. With his slump and pending Brown return. Would you start seeking other options? We had some good times, but the clock is about to strike midnight. Basically, should I take a flier on Sands or an upside guy or stick with Francisco.

I likened Gomes the other day to a righthanded Luke Scott. Over short spurts he could hit for tons of power, but when you look at the body of work at the end of the year, they are ok but not great. Not consistent enough to be a guy you plug in and fuhget about it in my opinion.

Back to Fuld, I hope he doesn’t turn out to be Podsednik. I think he could be serviceable enough to give the Rays an excuse to keep Jennings down until possibly the trading deadline when they trade one OF away.

Dude, have been offered Mini-Donkey for Kimbrel in standard 12-tm H2H. Have Mo, Walden and Farnsworth too, plus Zimm on DL with Freese covering. Not too worried about filling in for Zimm, but might as well look while the lookin’s good. Seems like a good value, but already have guys (mostly Stanton and Lind as DH) giving me some AVG fits where Reynolds is no help. Take it anyway or counter with Farnsy? He also has Youk, so might be able to go there. Would probably need to give a better RP or package with Lind. Make more sense to do that? Could always offer both and be happy either way. Thanks.

Once Longo comes off the DL, one of them has to go. Most likely it will be Berkman because I don’t think he’ll keep it up, and I already tried to deal him and he got no takers. I’m considering dealing Bruce and Contreras for someone like Kimbrel or Walden. And then picking up an SP like Kuroda or another hot hand. This is an 8 Team league, and once Longo comes off, Bruce will only get the spot start (also have Wright, too). Am I crazy, or mad scientist genius?

Gardner and Volquez are on waivers. I’ve got enough speed so picking up Gardner would be more for trading him (or Victorino) for some power if he gets hot. Does it make sense for me to try to pick them up? If so, who should I drop? I know Francoeur is one option.

@Dr. Stats: Thanks. I’m leaning dumping Bumgarner. He has been atrocious and I’m worried his arm isn’t up to snuff after last years run. I know Big Z can be a mess, but I (probably foolishly) have some faith in him this year.

@Grey: The rest of my gibberish was about whether it makes more sense to go after Youk instead of Mini-Donkey given my current team. If the original offer is just fair (rather than in my favor), I think it does. Thank you.

K-Rod is nice closer, but I do have a handful of avgerage closers on roster (Broxton, Burnett, Capps, Franklin, Aardsma on DL spot)…I have Miguel Montero filling in while Mauer is on DL…speaking of Mauer, well dont know what his deal is, will he suck all season…how will his current illness affect him long term this season…. so is this a good trade for me or am I getting to little for what I am giving up? My current OF’s are Adam Jones, Torri Hunter, Mike Stanton, Andre Ethier

Upon some reflection, I might start high with Gordon for Marcum straight-up. Then, try Gordon for Danks before *maybe* offering Beltre for Kershaw/CC. Beltre for Marcum & Danks is interesting. He’s got gobs of SP’s beyond what i listed above.

Hey guys, asked this yesterday, but it has since changed a little. 16 team H2H points league, guy is offering Zobrist for Kyle McClellan. My OF is my weak spot. But I have Prado, and soon (hopefully, anyway) Utley for 2B. Pitching is SCARCE in this league. Make the move anyway and put Zobrist in the OF? I just don’t want to make a trade to make a trade, but Zobrist is like 95% owned,and McClellan is like 18%.

Im speculating on some MR adds with “strong holds/ saves” upside for 2011 and I have boiled it down to these 6, and am curious of your overall rankings of these– my league is very deep, 14 team, non-keeper h2h, 6×6 with holds as the xtra pitching category — so Im partial to high K/9, solid era and whip guys. Please let me know your thoughts/ rankings of this bunch:

Grey, i asked about Sands and you suggested to drop Gaby Sanchez for him. I watched Sands swing and to be honest i didnt like it. I think this kid could need tons of ABs to adjust to major league pitching. I expect alot of bad Ks. I would rather go with Boesch for now.

@Grey: deal ended up being my Bruce/Contreras for his Smooth/Walden. I’ve got Wieters at C, but I figured I could give Smooth a couple days to see if he’s a better option than Wieters. If he fails, I’ll drop him.

@Steve: yeah seen that morneau thing,glad i didnt end up with him,be real interesting to see who closes for cards and w/sox,im doing o.k in the 2 rcl,s im in but our keeper league with hippo is looking tough for me early,i need another stud sp,your team is in good shape

What are your thoughts on Kelly Johnson? Nothings changed right – just a rough start? He was dropped in a small NL only league of mine. He’s a better MI option long term than O-Dawg I’m thinking. Think $4 of my $100 budget is too much? He was so money last year.

@Steve: wow,i like that 1,2,3 though,i really liked justin this year,but i ranked kendry about even with him and he kept going sooner than i thought he would,whatcha think of sands?of course i like him in our keeper league

A leaguemate with ADD just tossed E. Santana to waivers after one shelling (which followed 3 QS, which we count). I’m holding the “on schedule”, then “setback”, and now “back on schedule” Peavy. Gotta’ make the swap for Santana, yeah?

@Grey: Thanks. My favorite use of those lyrics (no offense to your humorous entry title) was when Monsignor Jughead on The Sopranos asked Carmella (in a very serious manner), “Were you there when Jesus Christ had his moment of doubt and pain?” What a douche… might be time to re-watch that show.

am I crazy or is hitting just really crappy this year? Or are just a bunch of crappy hitters doing the actual hitting? My rcl went 3-40 last night, and are 2-21 tonight? What the hell? My teams batting averages, which I normally draft for a very decent average are frikking terrible…

Drop Beachy (or other SP) to pickup Fuentes? H2H weekly lock league starts 4SP and 2RP. In addition, is Fuentes worth using a #8 claim or let him clear waivers? My team (only including bench bats and p):

I have #1 waiver priority in a 20 team league. Someone dropped Justin Masterson but Sands is also coming off waivers. Use for either? Sands would be replacing Ben Francisco in my utility spot and my other SPs are Hernandez, Liriano, Volquez, Cueto (DL) and whoever I can stream.

Who would you rather have in a standard scoring keeper league? Mike Stanton or Pedro Alvarez?

The way I see it: Alvarez performed slightly better than Stanton when you compare their minor league numbers… similar power numbers/better BA/less Ks/more BBs. However, Stanton is 21 years old and Alvarez is 24 years old (at least!).

I guess the key factor is whether or not you believe that Stanton will develop more patience at the plate or remain a free-swinging power hitter. Also, health should factor in although I can’t say that I know too much about either of their injury histories.

@the shit, I was listening to that songs something around midnight yesterday, love it. But it took me forever to admit to myself that I could like a song from a band with that bad a name. Their name sounds like a shitty high school thrash metal band.

Speaking of Giants, I thought I posted this question, but it disappeared.

I have Rasmus, Victorino, Krispie, and Torres as my top 4 OF in NL Only 4×4 12 team league.

What do you think of a trade of Torres for Heisey.
It’s a full-timer for a part-timer playing for Dusty.
And I may be giving up some steals, but Torres does have that bad wheel.. and that may not be a factor…
how would avg.. hr’s and rbi’s stack up??

@Grey: Rock/Alternative i guess. Im not good at classifying music into genres. Youtube them real quick. I love their versatility. Hope you enjoy their music. Btw, tickets are only $25 for next tuesday.

Heyward (who I own in two other leagues, but not the RCL) could have put this game out of reach in the last inning, so I will be mightily pissed off if Beachy (who I DO own in the RCL) misses out on a win here.

I somehow trust beachy. People told me not to start him vs. LA but i did and he didnt disappoint. Someone dropped nolasco in our league i just dont know who to drop for him. I am not gonna drop beachy nor wood…i have shields, floyd, garza,santana,lilly…grey or everybody else what do you think?