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Attachment Parenting Messed Up My Kid - How's it working for you? Have you tried it?

Let me preface my sad, sorry tale of attachment parenting gone horribly awry by saying this: I do not think attachment parenting in and of itself is a bad thing. I'm not, in any way, shape or form, even approaching the territory of judging anyone's child-rearing choices or styles or anything of the sort; I am simply admitting that I personally maybe did attachment parenting wrong. (That said, I'm hardly the only mom to feel this way.)

As with so many things, it sounded like a good idea at the time. "The time" being when my first kid was born 12 years ago. I was a new mom, young, and, well, already ridiculously attached to my daughter -- she'd just spent 9 months inside my body, for god's sake! I couldn't even leave the poor child in her crib alone for an entire night without hyperventilating.

So the principles of attachment parenting -- co-sleeping, baby-wearing, breastfeeding on demand -- not only made sense to me, they validated my particular set of post-partum neuroses. And, to be fair, everything worked well for a while ... meaning, infancy went pretty well. It wasn't until we hit toddlerdom and "Me & My Shadow" became the the soundtrack of my life that I started to second-guess my decision to aggressively bond with my baby, as it were. It's not that I minded never being able to go to the bathroom by myself (that much). It's more that I began to see what a disservice I'd done my daughter with my bastardized version of attachment parenting. Or maybe it was exactly what attachment parenting is supposed to be, I don't know. Point is, it made problems -- and 12 years later, new ones keep a-croppin' up. Here are a bunch of those problems, from the early years:

1. The transition to preschool was a nightmare. I was constantly getting called to pick my daughter up from pre-kindergarten because she was crying so hard for me. The worst part wasn't hauling my then-pregnant self back to school at a second's notice, it was watching my daughter miss out on all the fun her more well-adjusted classmates were having.

2. The addition of a sibling was TRAUMATIC. Guess what? it's nearly impossible to "attachment parent" two kids at once. Whoops! My daughter will never forgive my son for being born!

Like I said, it could very well be that I attachment parented incorrectly or that the method just wasn't right for my family, so no need for any successful attachment parents to take offense at my experience. But ... it WAS my experience. How about you?

Wow this article is just...wow. That sounds more like a little girl that possibly has autism. It usually presents itself in a very, clingy high needs kid and girls present with separation anxiety. That's my first guess.

I have AP'd 2 kids. They don't cling to me all day. They are independent. I didn't make my parenting child centered. I made it family centered. That is a huge misconception about AP. It is NOT child centered and all about the kid. You really are not going to form a child's personality by your parenting. Your child's personality is what it is. AP doesn't produce perfect children. Another huge myth parents buy into. It is just the normal natural way of raising kids. It doesn't mean your kid is going to turn out to be perfect. They are going to be who they are whether their personality is introverted or extroverted or whether they are flexible or inflexible. I wish parenting was that easy!!! I'd have perfect kids!!!! I have 3 kids on the autism spectrum and they are all different. Two dont' care if I leave them at church or school. The other one with separation anxiety does. They were all different as babies and toddlers. This is just silly. People put far too much stock in environment creating a child.

Oh wow. I'm so sorry :-\ I don't have a kid yet (due Thanksgiving Day) But I plan to Nurse on a schedule, have him/her sleep in a bassinet...but wear them in a sling, only cuz it looks more comfy. I'm sorry that all of your best intentions backfired!! Could happen to anyone, I think.

I have done it with both of my sons. My oldest is having some adjustment issues with the new that has caused some behavior problems so we are going to therapy for that.

But all in all- my 7 year old is a good kid, sweet, kind and caring. He is very independent. He is very happy. He is out going.

My 10 month old- is sleeping in his own crib, plays on the floor with his big brother and when he feels comfortable in a place- will wonder away to explore...when he gets scared he comes back because he knows we are here to help him. When hefeels comfortable again, off he goes again!

As for sleep- some kids are just better sleepers than others. BFF nurses on demand, co sleeps and baby wears and her 8 week old sleeps 7 hours a night.....on the flip side I co slept (until he was 8 months old), nurse on demand and baby wear and my 10 month old still wakes every 2-3 hours to nurse at night. The babies have different personalities. That has nothing to do with APing or not.

My son is very independent. He told me I could just drop him at the door for preschool, I didnt need to walk him in, lol! I think it is more the personality of the child. some are very clingy. My child wasnt. As long as he could see me he was always fine playing. He loved school too. Now he is a wonderful big brother.

I co slept & breastfed on demand. Both of my children went to pre-k without issues. They have their moments but are good kids. My ds was upset when my dd was born. He wanted a brother not a sister lol.

i can see how constantly doing everything for the child can at times yes hinder them when they get to where they feel they cant function without you right there. i was very attached to my 2 girls but i failed at breastfeeding, my milk dried up mainly due to stress, with my 2nd child i nearly died 2 weeks after she was born from pancreatiis, with a long hospital stay and recovery then surgery all the meds, id try pumping but id be knocked out and wake up the next day with the manual pump still on my boob..... yeah so 6 weeks later finally being cleared to try and brest feed my miolk was long gone......... i didnt co sleep, but i was doing everything for my kids, everything........

to the point yeah they acted and felt like they could not do anything themselves..... i robbed them of feeling the pride of doing somthing themselves. and when i realized that was what was happening, i began slacking and pushing more for them to do some things themselves, at 1st they resisted but then once they did somthing without me intervening, they were so happy and proud and so was i. and as for sibling rivalry, well they began to resolve conflicts themselves instead of always running to me and me solving it.

even at almost 7 and 8, they at times want to just sit back and have me, do things for them that they know dang well how to do, try to trick me into doing it, like oh tying their shoes..... they do know how, at times say they dont and ask me to do it. i dont do it, but i turn and trick them! asking them to show me how they think its done, saying after all people tie them different ways. soooo yeah they fall for that :) and they show me how and in the end they tie their own shoes!

i also dont do their homework, if they are struggling with a problem i give example problems of that kind and work on that with them then revisit the problem they were doing and they then are able to solve it.

with reading, yeah i go over sight words, spelling all that, if they bring a book i read it to hem pointing each word, and read it 2x to them then they have to take over and read it to me. if they struggle on a word i dont just say it, i have them look at the letters make the sounds to form the word and they are proud when they string it together.

doing this has reduced my stress alot, in the past i felt like i was overwhelmed but loved taking care of them. and to watch them figure things out and them feel pride, i then feel pride too. i kinda robbed us both of that before.

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