Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Backward Circles: Fight For No Right to Party

("I'm not so sure about that." Sign spotted by a reader in Williamsburg, Brooklyn)

If you're anything like me, you may be struggling with the fact that today is Wednesday. Sure it's nominally Wednesday, but since Monday was a holiday (at least if you worship "Presidents") it really feels like Tuesday. This is the phenomenon known as "holiday lag." Yes, sometimes things can feel like other things. For example, a monocockular hand-modulated crabon fribé (CRRRAB-on FREEB) frame with a properly oriented weave that has been impregnated with bong resin and lain up by the small hands of Japanese forest imps can indeed evoke the sweet, blissful ride of a finely brazed and exquisitely lugged steel bicycle that has been lovingly handbuilt in Portland by a framebuilder with IPA-soaked dreadlocks and bare feet standing ankle-deep in the fragrant, loamy soil of the Pacific Northwest--or really any old frame with a decent set of tires on it.

Still, even though I can't quite come to grips with today's "Wednesdayness," it definitely is Wednesday, as underscored by the fact that it is also "Ash Wednesday"--or as I prefer to call it, "The Day of the Holy Schmutz." When you are slow-witted as I am, it is on this day that you see someone with a black smear on his forehead and you think, "Hmmm, he must have dropped a quarter in the ashtray and forgot to clean his fingers after fishing it out." Then you see another dirty brow, and another, and eventually you realize what's going on and you smack your own clean head with your palm for forgetting to use it as an excuse to be late for work.

But Ash Wednesday isn't just about putting grime on your head; it's also a day of repentance. It is human nature to feel as though you are being judged by an ineffable deity, just as it is human nature to have dreams about sitting in class with no pants, even if in real life you actually aren't. I think this has something to do with the concept of "original sin," which refers to the time when Eve convinced Adam to pluck a "tight whip" from the Fixie Tree of Knowledge and they suddenly became embarrassed that their "hoodies" were not expensive enough. Yes, we can all sometimes feel as though we're just frames being tested for worthiness by a great machine in the sky. But while we may not be getting judged from on high we can certainly pass judgment on each other, which is what happened recently here in New York City:

This is another great success for cycling for which we can thank Critical Mass. Just to review, it's always been perfectly legal to ride a bicycle in New York City. Moreover, nobody was really counting how many people were doing it at a single time. Still, a bunch of people decided for some reason that they needed to assert some rights that we already had, and thus Critical Mass was born. This in turn made the authorities question whether we should have those rights in the first place, and unfortunately the answer they came up with is that we shouldn't. So basically, Critical Mass advocated for something that was already legal and in the process made it illegal. This is almost exactly like the "Seinfeld" episode where they get a sitcom pilot offer from NBC and George manages to negotiate their fee down. Nicely done.

Even though it should be pretty clear by now that New York City's Critical Mass contingent has been going about this all wrong, I'm sure there's somebody right now planning a bunch of smaller Critical Mass rides consisting of exactly 49 people. This will inevitably lead to the city reducing the number of riders necessary to require a permit. Next it will be 25 people, then ten, and before you know it you'll need paperwork just to ride by yourself--which, of course, is already the case with vehicles like cars and motorcycles. And yes, you do need a permit to own and operate a car or a motorcycle, despite what the "How to Start a Critical Mass Bike Ride" guide says:

Really, cars don't need permits to ride on the streets? I didn't realize going to the DMV was voluntary. See, thanks to Critical Mass the city may now be trying to manage cyclists in groups of 50, but the state long ago decided to manage drivers on an individual basis, and at this rate this is what's going to happen to cyclists too. You have way more freedom as a cyclist than you do as a driver, and unless I'm misunderstanding the point of Critical Mass and they really do want to bring us down the path of bicycle licensing and registration, if they want to maintain that freedom they should probably rethink their approach. Personally, I believe the best way to promote the cause of cycling is to not be an idiot when you're riding your bike. However, this isn't glamorous enough for a lot of people. Just like those Nü-Freds couldn't take a Japanese vacation without tacking on a narrative, some people can't ride their bikes around a city without styling themselves as activists. Consequently, they've succeeded in creating the first social movement in history to actually criminalize the very thing it's advocating. A look at the Dachshund of Social Protest will help put this in perspective:

The Dachshund of Social Protest

Let's take the cause of women's suffrage in the United States for example, which played out thusly:

Also, Indian independence from Great Britain followed a similar arc:

Bicycle advocacy in New York City, however, seems to be the complete opposite:

By the way, you probably noticed the Dachshund is ass-backwards, like the approach of many "bike activists." Eventually you've got to say "wrong hole"--unless you enjoy getting screwed that way.

How dare they not capitalize the first letter in each word comprising the name of the great and munificent Lobster God! How dare they also demean Him (at least I think it's a Him, I'm not very knowledgeable about lobster genitalia) by implying that I might consume a lobster in the furtherance of filming some sort of gastronomic dork ride--not that "Pedaling" have asked, mind you. Indeed, they would be unwise to do so, for should they usher me into some sort of gourmet supermarket and suggest I choose a live lobster for consumption I would instead sever the rubber bands binding the claws of all the lobsters so that they might turn upon their oppressors. Also, watching me ride my bike and eat would be a distinctly un-"Pedaling" experience. I mean, if you want to film me riding a crappy bike and then stopping to shove a slice of lukewarm pizza into my mouth (I don't like hot pizza) then by all means I'd be happy to oblige and show the world just how un-special cycling, eating, and life in New York City can be, but something tells me that this would not appeal to the producers. Alternately, they're also welcome to fly me out to California where I will undertake a quest to find and consume a truly "epic" burrito.)

This is fair enough, though I'm puzzled as to why he would undertake the application of a sizable back tattoo during cycling season. This seems like something that would be best completed during the winter months. Will his tattoo artist and his soigneur be working on him simultaneously? I mean, I'm also in the middle of getting my own large tattoo, but my season hasn't started yet:

So, Snob, you think bicycle advocacy is moving rearwards! Actually, the best bicycle advocacy in NYC in recent years was inadvertent, the cop who nailed the critical mass cyclist in July 2008. While not quite on the level of the letter from the Brimingham Jail, it did bring into sharp relief the absurd lengths some "authorities" will go to hassle bicyclists. Oh, and the LA Doctor did his part. It's always ironic when advocacy repels from its goals. Oh, link to cop attack on critical mass cyclist: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWjSOVDyUJ4

Snob, your munificent Lobster God is apparently male as the wearer of the tattoo has named him Daniel. Although, perhaps he, being munificent, can appear to his followers in the gender best suited for their worship.

Yes! Cheers to the Critical Mass takedown. As someone actively working in bike advocacy it drives me nuts that the trendiest, most accepted form of action involves being self-congratulatory while pissing off everyone else not currently on a bike.

The Snob has some impressive man-breasts going on. It does leave more room for the Lobster God tatoos. Maybe you can start a line of cycling Bros (heh, you started the Seinfeld references) to support your man breasts.

It is not merely Wednesday, nor Ash Wednesday, but my birthday. In my private religion - involving no invisible beings nor visible crustaceans - it is the only high holy day. I gave my wife a list of Park tools that I needed and my wishes were granted. All is good.

RE:Pozzato and carp/crap tatFrom cyclingnews.com, he said " "...I had it done as a message to all those people who like to judge me without ever having really gotten to know me. It's easy to be judgmental but the truth is there's only one person who can judge us."

The great thing about Ash Wednesday is it's supposed to be 40 days before Easter, and it is, if you exclude the Sundays. My parents would therefore give up booze for Lent, except on Sundays, as apparently they didn't count!

Critical Mass can suck my balls. I don't think annoying other road users is a good way to win converts to your cause. Just go out and ride to your jobs each day. Your jobs. You know, where you work? Oh.

I've observed two Critical Mass rides, in different towns but with similar results.

1. College town. Riders were mostly the sort of ill-mannered suburban kids who generally make living in a college town unbearable. Their first "act of resistance" was to ride in a great snaggly single file across a busy intersection against the light, stopping traffic and pissing off everyone.

2. Government town. Riders were the sort of "urban pioneers" who live downtown these days. Ride started at 6 pm - when downtown was deserted, because government workers leave at the stroke of 5 pm for the 'burbs. So the CM wound its way around empty streets, and even the local TV news crews didn't show up.

I'm not sure what CM is supposed to do. I guess that in its hometown of San Francisco, it's generally intended to provoke fistfights between cyclists and drivers.

Your critical mass comments are right on target. Eugene, Oregon, is one of the most bike-friendly cities I've ever lived in. In spite of that, CM rides were a frequent occurance. The only thing I could come up with is that they just like to piss people off.

Flip the lobster over. Just below where the abdomen starts, there are two appendages. If these appendages are feathery in nature then the lobster, or in this case Lobster God, is a female. If the appendages are more solid (stick-like) then the Lobster God is a male.

I think the difference in legality of cars vs. bikes is that a bunch of cars in traffic aren't required to have a permit, whereas a bunch of cyclists become a collective noun or something and riders lose individual rights.My sister and brother in law were riding along the street and happened to run into a Critical Mass ride just as the LAPD swooped in and arrested everybody. They ended up getting a substantial settlement from the city.

Once my lobstermonger informed me that the lobster she had selected was a female and would have a nice patch of roe inside her. I bought that lobster, and enjoyed the eating of the promised roe. So it seems to me that the lobstermonger is a priestess of this religion.

I'm a cop. The reason a bunch of bikes needs some kind of permit is because they'll do even stupider than usual stuff to stick together. If 100 bikes who don't know each other hit an intersection, those who miss the light will stop (theoretically). If those 100 bikes all know each other, and particularly if they're looking to "make a point," they'll muck up the intersection. Now cops have to go out and treat a bunch of grown adults like 7 year olds, escorting them along and generally fulfilling our societal role as Darwin's greatest enemy.

Yeah I saw cmass in Frisco a long time ago and thought it was cool. I think the premise in Frisco seems fine.It seemed to match the spirit up there while somewhere else I can see it as a nuisance.Its more like all the nu fred fixie douches come out of the woodwork and make a parade out of it.I think if its done after peak driving hours it shouldnt be a proble.Pozzato on the other hand seems to have read "certain blogs" and trying to defend himself.Whether defending his hairstyle or shoes or his tattoo seems to be hurt by the furor.Miami ink on the other hand or L.A to be specific have got to be the biggest gang of cooler than thou doucheholes ive seen.Kat von D? This chick think she walks on water.Such ego's on these glorified doodlers. Whats up with this human graffitti wall/Von Douche Ed hardy everything has to be covered in ink clusterfuck?What a mess.

What about group rides? Not that anyone wants to wind through Midtown, but they might roll out of Park Slope deeper into LI. It's a bike ride, not a parade. I can see how the judge might think it's a parade since everyone in Critical Mass is dressed like a clown.

I'm organizing a unicycle Critical Mass to salmon my local bicycle Critical Mass. Once that takes off, I'm hoping to organize a BigWheel(TM) Critical Mass to perform a flanking maneuver. If all goes well, I should generate enough angst to power human civilization for a 1000 years.

The only people who are into these critical mass rides are people who feel like they have it going on and feel they deserve the right to interfere with normal civic life. I see these jackasses on a four lane Blvd riding over in the left lane for no reason other than they feel like it. What needs to happen is these retards need a beatdown

Critical Mass can be the most obnoxious imposition upon an individual (especially the car-bound type) or the most exhilarating exercise of individual freedom and community enjoyment of public space (for the bicycle-mounted type).

What really matters is that this ruling has affirmed NYPD's tactic of pre-emptively enforcing laws that may or may not be broken, against certain people who use a certain mode of transport at a certain time and place. Simultaneously, NYPD continues to fail to enforce traffic laws consistently to create safer streets for all.

"...this ruling has affirmed NYPD's tactic of pre-emptively enforcing laws that may or may not be broken..."

i'm not sure how you preemptively enforce a law, unless you mean they enforce a law that does not yet exist, in which case, how do they enforce it? cop: your honor, we caught johnny fixie here riding with more than 50 people. judge: and?

but parade/protest laws have been around for a while.

and can you name another example of such preemptive law enforcement by the NYPD? what makes it a tactic?

mellow - no need to, the cops will take care of that. sometimes taking things into your own hands is not the best way to get something done. same goes for confrontation with those whose behavior you wish to change.

mello, you are not.From your site:"- An irrational obsession with Critical Mass- A need for attention- A deep love of riding bicycles- A love/hate relationship with the police- A fascination with the behavior of swarms of bicycles"

What are you protesting?

The right to be stupid?The right to interfere with others?The right to do what ever you fucking want?

Protest something important, organize, create something.

I don't hate, I just dont see these as doing anything other than pissing people off.

"More pedestrians have been killed by cars in NYC in 2010 then have "participated" in Manhattan CM in the last 6 months."

2009 ped fatalities for NYC = 155 or .4 per day. say 50 days so far in 2010 = 20 ped deaths. assuming CM is a monthly event, you're saying there is less than 4 people per CM ride. in which case, how do the cops know your CMers, and why does the parade permit thing even bother you?

sorry, i'm just bored right now would rather argue useless points than do work.

granted, like i said before, i don't understand what preemptive law enforcement is.

in the two cases you cite, police brutality, i can see, racial profiling, also, and i'm sure there's dozens of other people-doing-bad-things terms that can be applied to the situation. but are any of those equivalent to preemptive law enforcement? or are they in any way related to the CM issue (other than cops are involved and some people don't like it)?

"sorry, i'm just bored right now would rather argue useless points than do work."

Ha! So you confess to being involved in Critical-Mass-like behavior!? I am similarly un-engaged by my capitalism-appropriate work activity, and I appreciate all critiques.

In fact I would argue that such conversation is the beauty of critical mass! A diversity people with various views, agendas and experiences can safely enjoy public space and discourse for the better of us all.

This is why I am obsessed with CM. It is an excercise of our right to the road and our right to engage in person as community.

Admittedly, perhaps I slightly exaggerate the low numbers of CM participants in recent months, but only just. 8 would be the average, and of those it is a few hard-core participants, who, if you attend, will seem far less the wild-eyed lawbreakers CM "participants" are perceived as and more like rational humans who are fully capable of safely navigating the streets on bikes without the paternalistic state interference.

To be followed by police waiting for you to break a law seems pre-emptive to me. Ticketing cyclists for not being far enough to the side of the road is harrassment.

Confrontation aside, normalizing bicycle traffic on the roads is in the interest of every cyclist. Critical Mass can foster this. It depends on who shows and how they behave.

I hope you'll come and debate this with me in person on the 26th 7pm Union Square North.

mellow - i live in atlanta, so i unfortunately won't be able to join you. hopefully my points of contention will make up for my absence:you say "safely enjoy public space" and "excercise of our right to the road", but it seems to me that, at least from what i've heard of CM events, that traffic laws, and apparently parade laws, are being broken, which could be argued jeopardizes safety and is not within your rights to the road.i agree with the cops following you thing, although i would call it intrusive rather than preemptive. they're not technically enforcing anything until a crime/violation is committed. they're being total dicks, that's for sure, but if there has been a history of CMs getting out of hand, or large numbers of people complaining about the disruption they create, then i could maybe see a reason for increased police presence (not saying that the way they actually do it would be right by me) to remedy or avoid such problems.and when you say "fully capable of safely navigating the streets on bikes without the paternalistic state interference." no matter how true that may be, nobody is (should be) above the law, no matter their capabilities. red lights apply to everyone (except me, of course) no matter how safely one could do without them.

Patrolling is one thing. Following people only because of their transport mode is another. I wish the police would patrol and ticket anyone who runs a red on a regular basis.

Current police approach to critical mass is just a lazy way to fill quotas and train fresh officers on how to exploit the grey areas of the law in the interest of denying people their first amendment rights.

Ant1: I was counting the last 6 months, taking us all the way back to some time in 2009. It might have been right around the time the fixie scene was closed? Not sure, either way, I agree, we are awesome.

mellow - "only because of their transport mode" may be right, but maybe it's for other, less sinister motives, like reducing the negative effect on traffic. not saying one is right and the other is wrong, i just don't see it as an obvious evil perpetrated by big brother bent on finding every way it can to exploit the grey areas of the law in order to trample our bill of rights rights. and regarding the mode of transportation, do you have any experience in/knowledge of the street drag/drifting/ricer crowd? they don't ride bikes, but cops still pay special attention to them. one could say it's because they drive fancy racing cars with wings, but it could also be because they have a history of breaking the law.

it is different anon 543, a tiny bit cheaper for bike, but still pricey, can't remember and no time to google it, but i got one last year, and it was something like 125 for first offense, doubled for 2nd and something like 475 for 3rd?!

Oddly enough, ant1, if Im thinking of the crowd you're talking about, they get, if anything, preferential treatment around here. Had a bbq in prospect park last year, totally trashed the place, rode around on the grass, etc, and police were clearing the sidewalk for them to park on! I think there were off duty officers involved.

If those fixie tools can ride 400 miles in a week, I know a group of us can ride from The Old West to Union Square North by the 26th. Especially if we have until 7.I will have to check the route to see if we need any permits along the way. Maybe we can keep it under 50...What if we want to sit down along the way?

personally, I think professional road racers and the spandex freaks on the road do more to deter those who don't yet ride....potential riders think they need some sort of spandex/crabon pass to join the cycling community. A CM is more everyman than any armstrong-loving fuckwit.

You (bikeshob) said something along the lines of "Cycling has never been illegal in NYC". I could be wrong because I live in California (land of epic burritos and bitches) and frankly don't give a shit, but wasn't it illegal for a while to ride downtown NYC during weekly business hours? From what I understand, and again I could be ass-backward wrong, is that CM started as a protest mainly by the messengers as this law was an attack on them. Obviously if it did start this way, then it sucks that it has turned into a bunch of jackasses who dust off their bikes once in a while to ride like assholes while the messengers (and commuters alike) have to deal with all the people in cars that they pissed off.

There is no community. You curate a bike and ride the damn thing however you like it. There is no community. No passes. And Lance has done more to raise the awareness of cycling in the U.S. than any half-assed, beer-breathed, inner-city fixie-fag-fest.

Andy Squirrel--I'm hardly a Lance-loving fuckwit. Ha! Cycling is like any other sporting hobby. If you're wearing khaki's and riding a 30 lb cruiser, yes, there's a good chance that you are not going to keep up with some scrawny person in lycra on a carbon road bike. Same for running. If you're training for your first 5k, you probably don't want to run with a group training for a marathon. All this doesn't mean a person can't or shouldn't participate, they just need to be realistic about their abilities and expectations.

Critical Mass is not about breaking laws or causing traffic. It's about getting together with other bike enthusiasts, having fun and feeling good being on your bike. And most important Critical Mass, like all group rides, offers a safe place for new cyclists to get used to riding through the city streets. That's how I became a bike commuter 15 years ago after someone suggested I check out this ride called Critical Mass. Went to a couple of rides and I after that I was hooked on biking. We all now that as the cycling community grows we have more power for positive changes and safer streets.

BS..You are helping spreading the lies that are coming directly from the NYPD and being used to break up the cyclist community.

Please come to the next ride to check it out. Your find the most lawful group of cyclists around. Which makes sense since each cyclists is being followed by about 2 police officers with a pad in hand waiting for you to do something that he could write up, regardless if it's a legitimate offense or not.

This was one set back, we have had so many victories over the years and will continue too have many more!

=v= The Times leaves out so many facts here. The actual legal timeline is something like this:

(1) NYPD ignores its own rules for demonstrations in favor of an event that requires a permit which they pretty much define as whatever they want it to mean.

(2) A Federal judge in 2004 says this is just a wee bit unConstitutional.

(3) NYPD rewrites the rules to mean anything that has 10 participants, prompting the inevitable outrage, after which they "compromise" to 50 participants.

(4) The 5BBC (that is to say, not Critical Mass) sues because the rule would require permits for Fred rides.

(5) Until the 5BBC case is resolved, police don't enforce their rule. Judge Kaplan argues that, gee whiz, the rule doesn't seem to have bothered the 5BBC, so it musn't be a problem. Can you see how wrong that is?

=v= The clear intent is to use the rule against Critical Mass but not Fred rides, but that violates the 14th Amendment and Judge Kaplan doesn't seem to care. You should.

cm is entirely antagonistic and stupid. to pretend is some sort of "large group ride bent on picking flowers and feeling safe and warm and fuzzy with our bffs" is specious.(thanks for the word, had to look it up)

Critical mass just pisses people off. Why not just ride around parliament instead. Or actually do some lobbying. Why do you need to antagonise innocent people on their way home from work to prove a point.

What about the other millions of cyclists who aren't involved in critical mass. Maybe they don't want to be represented by you guys. You are just like a fundamentalist religious group who gives the rest of the religion a bad name, ever think of it like that?

You need to all stop being so self righteous and think about the rest of us. No driver who has ever had his day ruined by you dicks has ever thought afterwards "hmm those guys are right" all they have ever thought is "I fucking hate cyclists even more now".

It seems to me that a parade of bikes is going to piss off everyone; automobile commuters, cyclist commuters, NYPD, pedestrians, crackheads etc...I'm a cyclist who has a valid drivers license by the way.I think that cycling advocacy could be gone about in a different way, otherwise we are going to go backwards. In the last year we've seen a lot of new bike lanes, that's something to be thankful for. Unless you're driving a car. Some people have to drive cars/truck/vans to make this city work the way it does at present. Some people don't and do so out of leisure.I agree that more could be done in the lines of the cops stopping some of the dumb shit I see on the streets. But NYC or the NYPD aren't going to have a mandatory "bicycle awareness" seminar for all registered NYC drivers. And they are going to go about things the way they feel fit. Call me a "lazy ass liberty hating how'd our forefathers get here? sonofabitch". But the number of people involved and the way things are running it's only going to piss people off. People that won't back down either!I we as cyclists constantly piss off those that can arrest us or run us over it's not going to be a good outcome. Now I agree sometimes it's not easy to hold back yelling at the moron that cut you off, I do it, and most of us do. But we can't fight fire with napalm.Can't we all just get along! (One silent tear streams down my face, maybe I'll get it ink'd there.)

=v= I suppose it must be great fun to write the same ol' same ol' for the 100th time, but once in a while it's helpful to take the ol' brain out of autopilot.

This isn't really about Critical Mass, which was rolling for a decade before the RNC. It isn't really about Fred rides either, though the 5BBC is justly concerned about their legal status. This is about the NYPD concocting a pretext to hassle any public assembly they decide to, even those without bikes.

That should worry anyone who's concerned about our civil rights as laid out in the 1st and 14th Amendments. I guess it's not much of a concern for folks whose idea of civic engagement is sitting indoors and regurgitating tiresome blogspew, though.

One cyclists view from out west (Seattle) is that you should not allow the powers that be divide you, whether those powers are dressed in oil and blood-soaked Chevron, Shell, Exxon etc. uniforms, coats and ties of politicians, or in blue. Work towards a common goal, and be joyful that people of such different points of view have that same goal. My version of that goal is, less portable pollution devices (cars), and more exercise inducing vehicles (cycles).

The civil rights struggle was "won" by Malcolm X followers AND Martin Luther King Jr followers. Actually, even that struggle continues...

Be as you are - grumpy, irritable, snobbish, kind, or an asshole - but keep your eyes on the prize, and know we are all riding in the cloud of unburned hydrocarbon gasses together.

One more thought - Is it legal to openly carry rifles as you are cycling together in NYC? That would make great media. 100 cyclist carrying big water rifles being surrounded by boys in blue for not having a permit. The headline being "NO PERMIT TO SQUIRT." Oh God, that leads to very Freudian images.

Whatever where I ride, how I ride, I will piss off some motorists. Instead of giving up, I realized I could simply ride where I think I should be riding. Surprisingly, that meant having exactly the same behavior as described in the traffic laws. That backs me up when I'm fighting for road space.

In addition to my daily commute ride, I am now a regular CM participant. Why should I care that I may be pissing off motorists? They endanger my life every other day of the month!

I could live differently and ride my car every day, pissing off the person behind me because I made him miss his green light, pissing off the other one because now there's no parking spot left.

Or I could take the bus and piss off people because the buss is full and I'm carrying a lunch bag, and be a fucking loser in the eyes of the motorist riding alone in his car while I wait for my bus for 10 minutes for what would have been a 15-minute bike ride.

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!