Sunday, December 12, 2010

Battle Blaze is a fighting game. It sucks. It stars the lovechild of Danny Trejo and Arnold Schwarzenegger. This game didn't even give me enough material to write a decent review with. I wonder if I can write this review in less time than it took me to beat the game. Lets find out!

Please tell me I'm not the only one that sees it.

Start off the game with some random ass story about demons and a contest and blah blah blah. None of it matters or makes much sense.

Controls are fucking pathetic. One button to jump, one button to attack. Movement is also stiff as fuck and performing the simplest of "moves" is near impossible.

Audio is forgettable. Seriously, I don't remember a single song, and I just finished playing the damn thing.

The graphics are pretty bad too. The stages were boring, bland, and ugly. Sprite animation is a joke.

As for the gameplay, there is none. I beat this game in 17 minutes. If I had rented this for the weekend as a child, I would have been really fucking pissed. There is a two player mode, but with the shitty EVERYTHING, why would you want to drag your friends down with you?

This is the look a person gives when they realize they have chose poorly.

It has been a while, so I guess we were due for another absolute 0 out of 5. And as always, zeros don't even get their own rating system. They get nothing but my rage.

This game is bad, and I feel bad for playing it.

48
comments:

You actually palyed this garbage? I want the seven minutes I spent reading about it back! Don't get me wrong, the review is awesome but it made me RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!1

You know this game looks ALOT like Barbarian from the Amiga graphic wise? Was this made by the same people as Psygnosis? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j49oca99wIs Link to the intro of the game. Seriously! Graphics look the same!