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Repeating the Same Dating and Relationship Mistakes Over and Over Again Are Your "Ghosts of Habits Past"

A Girlfriend 911 reader recently tweeted: "@Girlfriend_911 Back 2 the book after my ghosts of habits past arrived." Here’s an excerpt from the "Ghosts of Habits Past" chapter in my book as a reminder that when you've been doing it one way (the wrong way) for so long, it’s often hard to break old patterns. But it's the only way to get a different result, if what you've been doing up until now in your dating and relationships isn't working:

"It’s so easy to go back to your old ways. I understand that if you’ve been behaving a certain way for so many years, change doesn’t come instantly. It takes practice. You really need to consciously think about what you’re doing and how you’re behaving and make sure to stop yourself from making the same mistakes—your “Ghosts of Habits Past.” At this point in my Girlfriend 911 program most women begin to find their power and stay in their power, and start to see very clearly the difference between the Old Them and the New Them. They have no problem following the steps as I laid them out, and they begin moving forward with their lives. However, there are always exceptions to the rule, and I’ve noticed that a few of my clients have a case of what I call “Feeble Female Syndrome.” This is a phrase I use when women actually feel sorry for the guy, rather than feeling sorry about the situation they got themselves into. They forget about how they’ve allowed this guy to treat them, and about all that they’ve put up with. I know logically it sounds crazy, but it’s true. They worry about the guy’s feelings more than their own. One of my clients, Christine, had a case of Feeble Female Syndrome. She’d been in a relationship for a few years and things had started going downhill. She’d dropped the high standards she started with at the beginning of the relationship, and as a result, her man...started behaving like an entitled jerk and walking all over her. When she came to see me, she told me what a jerk he was to her, and how he’d belittle her, and how on many occasions he would talk down to her (remember, this behavior can only happen if you allow it to). I instructed her to take her power back and kick him out. He’d been spending a lot of time at her house, but luckily still had his own place. She sent him a Goodbye Letter and felt great about finally taking control; however, it didn’t last long. She had such a hard time staying in her power. She would say, “You don’t understand, I love him and I can’t do this. I shouldn’t have kicked him out. I think I’m going to call him.” I had to remind her to find her anger. I would have to talk her off the ledge daily and remind her why she was doing this, why she had to kick him out. At some point, Christine let her boundaries back down again, and he trampled all over her. When she became weak, he found her behavior unattractive and started to treat her badly. She allowed it and things went downhill from there.

We have to remind ourselves, it’s about us, not about them. You have to change the way you behave to change the way he behaves. Respect yourself, and he will respect you. Start all over. Go back to square one. Start my Girlfriend 911 program all over again if you have to. Remember, whenever you settle, you betray your True Self. When you betray your True Self, you can never be in a healthy relationship. You can either allow him to continue to behave badly, or take the steps to get your life and your power back. If you choose the first one, it’s because you fell in love with the idea of the person you want to be with. But the reality of the situation is the complete opposite. The choice is yours."

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