Stricken birds were from “our new seabird range”, says KFC...

“The mistake was ours”, admitted Peter Schwartz, Head of Condiments at KFC. “The birds escaped from our laboratory while we were testing out some new recipes. In our efforts to ensure a consistent product, we made the mistake of adding the eleven herbs and spices while the birds were still alive. And what the RSPB called ‘goo’ is more familiar to our food technicians as ‘special sauce’. With the benefit of hindsight, considering recent events, we’ve decided to revert to our customary practice and wait till the birds are dead”.

Les Baxter, manager of a KFC franchise in Barnsley, remained unconvinced. “I understand that the company needs to innovate”, he said, “and some of these fancy new ideas might go down well in London, but I’m not sure that South Yorkshire is quite ready for Kentucky Fried Cormorant”...