Friday, October 3, 2014

Day 2 - 31 Days of Dementia's Demands

Yesterday my husband
threw his keys at me, hitting me in the head. And, it hurt!! He didn't
mean for them to hit me; he thought I could catch them. I wasn't prepared
for them to be thrown, so I did NOT catch them. But, what really hurt was
the uncaring way HE reacted to the whole thing; the lack of concernthat followed and turning the situation around to be MY fault. The whole incident lasted only about 5 minutes and wasn't really all that drastic. But, I
will remember it - how he reacted and how I felt - while my husband probably
had forgotten within a few minutes.

When our daughter celebrated her 16th birthday, we had a really big party
for her at our house.What a celebration!! The decorations, the party, the house
full of her friends and family!! Our daughter tried ALL day to get her father to
wish her a "Happy Birthday"; but, even with all of the excitement going on around him, he never did acknowledge her
special day.

For the
“how many-th” time, I told my husband that I would be able to pick our oldest
daughter up from work. For the “how many-th” time, he asked how was she going
to get home and what time did she get off. How can I continue to be
patient and understanding, and actually sound patient and
understanding?

Why is it so hard for a person to acknowledge the important things - the love
and consideration and respect for others in the same household? Why does
he act so mean and thoughtless? Why can't he remember even the simple
requests? Why does he act so confused? And, why does he do so many
off things? Who is this stranger, anyway?!

The above
incidents happened many years ago; and as the years have gone by, the situation
has gotten gradually worse. It was always unclear to me if my husband
just had that kind of a personality; or if there was something else wrong.

As I
begin this challenge - to post about this topic for 31 days of October 2014 - I
hope to be able to share my journey with others. I am by no means an
expert on the subject of Dementia; but I want to share my experiences and my
feelings with others who may have similar experiences. As I share, I hope
to at least let others know they are not alone in dealing with Dementia;
therefore, my month-long blogs are called "31 Days of Dementia's
Demands". Hope what I am sharing is helpful in some way.

10 comments:

So sorry that you are dealing with dementia in your family and I appreciate your honesty as you share your personal journey! I know that posting to my blog, and journaling, help me process what is going on and it brings some sort of peace and healing at times! I pray this for you as well!

It IS a journey and not an easy one; but sharing the journey has been helpful for me. Sharing it this openly on a blog is new for me; so I appreciate others feedback and comments. I pray for you as this journey begins for you.

I know what you are going through, Barbara and it is not an easy journey. It is almost like living with Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde as you are never sure what they can help and what they can't. It takes a lot of grace and prayer. I pray for compassion and wisdom and that has helped me a lot. You are in my prayers, not only for the journey you are on, but also as you write about it, that God will use your experience to help others.

Thank you so much, Teresa! I just read your blog for yesterday and still have tears in my eyes. I know where you are coming from (my grandmother had Alzheimer's years ago before it was that well-know. And your describing my "living with Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde is exactly how I have described it!! I never know from day to day; I never know minute by minute!!! Thank you for your encouragement and your prayers; I will pray for you as well.

You must remind yourself that it is the dementia, not the person. Dementia leads to Alzheimer's, and hardships don't get easier, but you must remember that Dementia takes over the brain, and the brain controls everything else...

Thank you for your comment! That is one thing that, as I continue on this journey, I find hard to do - remember that it's the dementia...but all along, I find it hard to distinguish between the dementia and his personality, which is also a difficult situation. Your comment, and others, help me to continue the journey...