funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

Entries Tagged as 'retail hell'

Spotted by Vicky at an antiques shop in Bath, England: a modern twist on the ancient local tradition of curse tablets. (To quote Wikipedia: “About 130 curse tablets have been found at Aquae Sulis, now Bath in England, where many of the curses related to thefts of clothes whilst the victim was bathing.”)

Allie in Ypsilanti, Michigan was walking into her local Target store when she noticed this little art installation on the sidewalk outside. Granted, she says, “The closest Wal-Mart is about two miles away, and I have no idea how the cart got there either.”

The chalk artist had also drawn purple arrows across the parking lot in the direction of the Wal-Mart, and while Allie says she didn’t check to see if the chalk lines extended all the way to the store, “drawing the arrows but not taking the cart back would have been pretty P-A.”

Meanwhile, Michi spotted this piece of guerilla knitwork chained to a post near NYU. (“It was, on inspection, empty.”)

“We are normally a 24-hour store,” writes our submitter in Portland, Oregon, “but we close early for Christmas.” At least one customer found this policy to be most unsatisfactory — as evidenced by the holiday greeting she left behind.

Fact: Working in a customer service position that necessitates long-term exposure to one’s fellow humans carries a significant risk of developing acute, potentially incurable, misanthropy. And if you’re stuck in the middle of nowhere, treatment is especially hard to find.

Exhibit a) From a roadside store in “the armpit of California, as witnessed on separate occasions by both Dirk and Danielle

Exhibit b) From a NON-fast food restaurant in the backwaters of Louisiana

Exhibit c) From a diner in a speck of a town called Endicott, Nebraska. (Adds submitter Jill: “They also have a stuffed two-headed calf!”)

When Sal spotted this notice at an athletic clothing store in San Diego, he says that while he couldn’t quite picture how a tissue would get the job done in this situation — not to mention how this policy came to be — “I figured it was best not to ask questions.”

Meanwhile, when I first read this sign — from a club in Vancouver — my first thought was, “Well, that seems like a reasonable enough request.” Our submitter, Cherisse, begs to differ. “Sadly, there is no bathroom backstage,” she explains, ” wnd when a girl’s gotta go, sometimes the other end of the club is a long ways a way.” She adds: “If it wasn’t for the used paper towels being left outside, no one ever would have known.”

So… like Sal, I’m gonna say it’s probably best not to ask too many questions about this one.

Nadia in Greensboro, North Carolina spotted this gem of a “you break it, you buy it” specimen at a local thrift store. “Apparently,” she writes, “Secondhand Punctuation Has Its Drawbacks? You Can’t Pick And Choose? You Have To Make Do With What You Have On Hand? Handwritten Notes Are Not Exceptions?”

The D.C. tourist trap that Amy visited took a less tentative tack with its signage, though I doubt the “four times is better than one” approach is any more effective.

These two stores, on the other hand, pretty much nail it with reverse psychology.

Larissa in Tacoma, Washington recently sent her 7-year-old son, Silas, to a week of Bible camp. When he came home, Larissa says, she wondered if the experience hadn’t left him a bit…conflicted…especially after seeing the pillow he made during craft time.

(“Rouls,” by the way, is not Silas’s last name. That’s the 7-year-old spelling of “RULES.”)

Meanwhile, I can see how the sign below, from a candy store in Rayne, Louisiana — which I assume was intended to deter this theft — could easily send a particular type of child into a tailspin of religious guilt.

Is God smiling? How do I know if God’s smiling? Does God like chocolate? I don’t think chocolate’s in the Bible. But Proverbs says: ‘My child, eat honey, for it is good.’ So maybe I should get a Bit o’ Honey instead. But a Bit o’ Honey costs more than 50 cents, and Mom said I could only spend 50 cents. So then I’d be dishonoring my parents, and that wouldn’t make God happy. So maybe I should…maybe I should….[bursts into tears]

We hope you're healthy and everything in your life is going well...but we just can't bring ourselves to accept the idea of any of the people you care about also being healthy and happy. In short, we're OK with you being happy, but anyone close to you, well, they'd just better be having a rotten time.