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Re: I Just Need A Little Support

First, he is the driver and we have one car. He isn't being oppressive, just protective. I can't go through a store without nearly crying because my pelvis hurts so badly. He'd rather keep me from pushing myself into early labor because I have a habit of trying to hide my pain and pushing myself beyond what I am capable of handling. Second, he is my husband and we like to tell each other everything. It saves us a lot of arguments (which I caused before we got married by disappearing sometimes with my cousin or my friend). I'm okay with not leaving the house (feel a little useless when I can't help with shopping but I'll get over it), he brings me anything I want or need. Don't worry, if I could get up our stairs without pain he would take me anywhere I wanted.

Looking into her eyes as I held after all the work, I knew an overwhelming love.

Re: I Just Need A Little Support

If you cannot attend a meeting, I suggest calling some of your local Leaders. It need not be the Leader closest to you, you can call anyone in the general area, (or really anyone anywhere,) but I am trying to make sure you are aware of what resources are available locally, and I am hopeful a local Leader would have more of that information for you. Local LLL helps moms two ways-meetings and helpcalls. We welcome and accept these calls. Nights, weekends, holidays.

For example, I just talked to a mom who had no idea that her hcp offers a breastfeeding clinic with an IBCLC. There was nothing about it in anything she got from her hospital or doctors. Because we regularly talk to local moms, local IBCLC's and other Leaders, we tend to be up on what is going on locally.

Re: I Just Need A Little Support

My heart breaks when I read your story! No matter what choices you make during birth (to have an epidural, c-section, I.V. etc.), not being at peace with your birth and being out of control of your birth is the sad part to hear! I am 33 weeks pregnant with my first and I wanted to share with you some of the books I have been reading.

Having a Baby Naturally: The Mothering Magazine Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth
For each intervention this book has a section of: why is it used, how is it done, why is it necessary, when is it unnecessary, how effective is it, is it safe?

Active Birth: The New Approach to Giving Birth Naturally
I really appreciated this book because it shows how different labor positions can reduce or increase the size of the pelvic opening, and how to reduce the chance of tearing. I also like that it takes you step by step through each labor stage.

I also highly recommend keeping in mind BRAN. For each intervention ask the medical staff: What are the Benefits? What are the Risks? What are the Alternatives? What happens if I do Nothing?

As to the I.V., even if you hemorrhage (or have an emergency situation) there are clear signs leading up to it, so having an I.V. or hep lock in immediately after you are admitted into the hospital is truly for your doctor's convenience (although keeping hydrated during labor is very important!). Also, giving birth on your back is purely for your medical staff's convenience, and will highly increase your chance of tearing.

Don't just take my word for it, research, research research!

You mentioned pelvic pain. I too had trouble walking earlier during my pregnancy. I found seeing a chiropractor/masseuse who specialized in prenatal care very helpful! She was able to reduce my pain and helped me understand how to avoid it.

Re: I Just Need A Little Support

Thank you all very very much, I definitely appreciate it. I have been doing a lot of research, saving videos to a playlist and I'm going to take my laptop so I can get to them quickly. I have also asked my doctor more questions about what the hospital will let me do and feel much better about everything. I'm also going to print out tips and things. I've got an LLLI Leader number saved into my phone for quick call or text. I'm going to be prepared for everything this time (well as close to as I can get). I'm going to try really hard to go natural, but I'm not going to beat myself up over it if I can't handle the pain. I've also let my husband know what I want and he is fully on board with whatever I want so long as I can handle it. He isn't against natural birth, he is against his wife being in pain (which I totally understand, I would be the same if the roles were reversed).

Looking into her eyes as I held after all the work, I knew an overwhelming love.

Re: I Just Need A Little Support

One thing that really helped me cope with labor was to think of it as an athletic event. The pain your body feels as you're running a race or climbing a mountain or doing aerobics- that's productive pain. It's the feeling of your muscles working at their maximum, helping you become stronger, helping you to achieve something wonderful. It's totally different from the pathological pain that comes from an injury.

So when you're selling natural birth to your husband- and to yourself- I really think it helps to frame it not as a journey of pain, but as something your body is made to do. An athletic event that your body was designed for and has trained for throughout your pregnancy. And when that athletic event ends, you might be a bit sore, but you won't be harmed. So if your DH's response to your desire for a natural birth is "I don't want you to feel pain", it might help to ask him how he would feel if he were doing something like running a marathon. Would he rather cross the finish line as a result of his own efforts, or would he rather have someone carry him across? And if he'd rather cross the finish line on his own, then maybe he can understand why you want to give your body its best chance to achieve natural birth- to cross the finish line- without assistance or interference.

Re: I Just Need A Little Support

Another thing that helped me, and just came to me on my own (although apparently some of the coaching methods say the same thing) was that I never really thought of it as "painful." Just something intense. I have a very low tolerance for pain. Pretty ridiculously low -- I complain for days and tense up when I have to get a flu shot! I had prepared and prepared myself for labor, wondering how I'd handle it. And as far as I got without pitocin and epidural (about 50 hours) was not really that bad -- probably because I had expected it to be the worst thing in the world. I know it sounds like you have some other issues that might make the process painful. But try to think of the labor portion as something else. You can definitely do it!

Mom to my sweet little "Pooper," born 10/12/11, and "Baby Brother," born 6/23/2014, and married to heavy metal husband. Working more than full-time, making healthy vegetarian meals for family, and trying to keep up with exercise routine.

Re: I Just Need A Little Support

thank you very much, i really appreciate that. yeah i do have a few other problems, one which makes my periods unbearable, but i'm hoping that it was just because of the pictocin. fingers crossed, and i feel much more prepared this time. if my mom could do it with her last one, then i can do it.

Looking into her eyes as I held after all the work, I knew an overwhelming love.