Friday, March 29, 2013

Deal Breaker - when to dump someone

When you are upset about something in a relationship, and an argument ensues, do not do this:

Do not argue about ten different topics all at once. When I found myself in this situation, I employed the following strategy:

1. Isolate one topic within their argument, and no matter how much they want to complain about a million other things at the same time, I do not let them. I keep them focused on resolving that one topic until it has been resolved.

2. After the first topic is resolved, then we move on to ONE more topic. That is right, ONE topic. When that one topic is resolved, then move onto the next.

These guys want to vent their anger, not resolve an issue. So they start arguing about several topics at once. Once, I counted twenty different arguments withing a span of five minutes. Arguing intelligently and fairly is something adults are supposed to know how to do before they get into a relationship.

When someone does this - dump them. They will keep doing it, and it is relationship poison.

I found that my job was being the 'argument coordinator', frankly, that is not a role that I want to have. If a grown up cannot fight fairly, it is not my job to defend my position and structure the argument so that it remains fair.

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