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Thursday, January 22, 2009

I took Austin to an informational meeting at the high school. The HIGH SCHOOL! As in NINTH GRADE! My baby is going to be going to high school! commence hyperventilating

So, I'm sitting there listening to the teachers talk about course selection and test scores and blah blah blah and the whole time I was trying to do math in my head. I KNOW! What was I thinking??? But I was trying to figure out just how old I'll be when Brooklyn starts high school. It's never a good idea to do math. Especially when the answer you come up with is "50 years old"! It could make you gasp out loud in the middle of the presentation when you realize just how old you are. It could make other people turn and stare at you. It could make you laugh nervously because of the awkwardness of everyone staring at you. This is entirely hypothetical, of course.

So I sat there nicely, listening intently to the fine educators speak. "...from here on out, everything counts. Everything you do in high school will go on your permanent record."

I think I let out a very small, almost dainty snort at this point. Did she really just say "permanent record"?

A group of annoyed parents turned around and gave me the evil eye.

"Sorry. Stuffy nose," I said in explanation of my tiny little snort.

They went on to talk about what a great opportunity summer school is. "...studies have indicated that the transition between 8th and 9th grade is the 3rd most traumatic thing you'll go through behind losing your parents or losing a spouse. If you want your child to be prepared for 9th grade, you really need to consider sending them to summer school..."

"Give me a break!" I said in my head. At least I'm pretty sure I just said it in my head. Although, come to think of it, some people may have turned around and scowled at me again...

Yeah, that's what you want to do - use lots of words like "traumatic" when talking to the kids about starting high school. And summer school? Now, I have nothing against summer school and for students who are lagging behind, I think summer school could help them get caught up. However, it's summer! Who wants to go to school in the summer? You know, a lot of real life skills can be learned during the summer while on vacation, camping with family, helping around your home, caring for siblings, etc.

Anyway, I got the results of the 4 hour placement test he took in November. According to his scores, it looks like he'll be in ALL honors/AP classes. I'm really proud of him. Actually, proud isn't quite the right word. I'm happy and thankful that he's gifted academically. I'll be proud if he does his work next year, gets decent grades, and doesn't blow off his homework and do projects the night before they're due. I think he's going to be in for a shock with the volume of homework that will come with several honors classes.

He now has a couple weeks to decide what electives he'd like to take. And, not too much pressure or anything, but these classes will affect your FOUR YEAR PLAN, your plans for beyond high school, your future career, the car you purchase, the home you buy, spouse, and family. One wrong choice and you'll be destined to spend your life living in a cardboard box, and saying things like, "You want fries with that?"

65 comments:

When my daughter transitioned to public middle school, the counselor asked if she thought she might be interested in band. Because if you thought you might want to be in band in the 8th grade, you HAD to sign up in 6th grade. Your entire pottential band future rested in your pre-6th grade decision of whether or not to take band as an elective. And let's face it, if you don't do band in junior high, you will not be gifted enough to do it in high school.

I'm an educator - high school even - and I would have snorted right along with you! Give me a break! Summer school for all? When will we remember that our kids need time to be kids. They need time to learn how to be part of a functioning family (or "dysfunctioning" in our case:) so they can have one of their own someday. I know that some kids don't have that at home so they could greatly benefit from summer school - they would at least get fed a real meal and hopefully feel welcomed and appreciated. But it certainly isn't for all. Hang in there Dawn. 4 years will fly by - I know, my first graduates this May. YIKES!!! However, like you I will be, um, well (a lot) older than I am now when the last one graduates. Thank you God for Clairol!!!!

I dont know what its like over there but they say much the same thing to us in Australia when we start high school.. they really rave and rant that not only will these be the "best years of your life" (i think i must have missed that part!) but that your entire future depends on what you do for 5 years in high school. PUHLEASE. I dont think i learnt a single usefull thing in school and I TRIED! As long as Austin tries hard, and is respectful of his teachers and peers, he really wont have a concern AT ALL.

Oh I have some books for you to read.... I have to go look them up though. I was at a Presidents' Council meeting and they were talking about Stressed Out Kids and some of the things we're finding in our district to try to help them out. Maybe 19 Minutes was one of them? Ugh, I'll think of it at 2am, I know.

Anyway, I wish it were still like when I was growing up and high school was 10th grade and junior high was 7 8 9.

And ummmmm I actually liked summer school.. it was the time (4 weeks only for a few hours a day) when I could take classes and things I was interested in that I couldn't fit in during the school year - theater and writing and photograph (which obviously didn't stick). C'mon Mister Man will be going to Getting Ready For Kindergarten this summer -- don't make me question my decision ;)

since im not a math person i have to ask how old where you when Austin was born? My oldest will be starting high school next year too and i am only 31!! When my baby starts 9th grade i will be 39. Funny part is this..i dont feel old ..cause im not (thats my story and im sticking to it!) BUT it does stink to feel so young you arent taken seriously! My daughter's boyfriend has a brother who is my age ...so anytime his mom calls me when he is going somewhere with us, i feel like she talks down to me. SO the question is ..would i rather feel young and like a joke ...or old ?? HMM im just not sure!@jennhoop

Yea, I heard all that too when I started high school. The only thing that really matters is instilling good study habits to be prepared for what really counts, College. I was not successful in doing that. In fact, I should be reading a chapter in my book. Instead I jogged and walked, watched CSI and read your blog!

You know, I'm getting on 8 years out of high school, and I remember them freaking us out about how much would influence our college choices and so on. Now, to be fair, it was a snotty private school, so we were all freaking out about college in 9th grade, but it was really all a bunch of hype.

High school was better than middle school (middle school girls are the cruelest beings one earth), but not by much. Did it REALLY have a huge impact on my life?

I don't know. I think college had a much stronger effect, but that is directly linked to high school. On the other hand, you have to totally blow high school to Timbuktu to not get into a halfway decent school.

For all kids, I think the real issue of high school is exploring their interests more fully. Or, as you put it, real-life skills in summer! While my high school classes enabled me to get to a good college, my summers spent doing theatre camp (I'm an actress) and learning the value of an hourly wage probably taught me a heck of a lot more!

Thank God I'm not the only one bewildered by the pressure applied to our youngsters just entering high school. The rhetoric is downright laughable, yet at the same time deplorable. If a parent were to browbeat a kid in that manner it would be construed by most as verbal abuse, yet it is a favorite tool of academia.

I can spout off here because my baby is in his 30's now, but even when my sons were kids I had very mixed feelings about the psychological games that were played on them as they entered their high school years. I'm not minimizing the importance of what lies ahead for them and their need to take it seriously enough to do their part, however many of the skipped classes and late or no homework are the results from being placed under seemingly toturous goals. Too much hammering will shatter stone instead of shaping it.

There has to be a balance, and the parents who giggle and snort in these meetings are the relief valves that keep it all real and in perspective. I recommend taking a cold kit (eyedrops to keep your eyes weepy, a box of kleenex, a thermometer with which you take your temperature at least twice during the meeting, and a bottle of sore throat spray) to the next paren't/teacher's meeting to secure your cover. And let the scowlers scowl. Your kids will thank you later in life, although they may not speak to you at all for awhile. ;)

Oh boy, totally scaring me now. Is it true though -- did they really say the transition from 8th to 9th grade is the third most traumatic experience for them?

I'M FREAKING OUT! And I still have a few years till high school.

And more importantly, how many drinks and what kind did you have at Cheesecake factory? (You can save this for SSO if you like)

OH, and here's ANOTHER great SSO for you: What's that really cool new ad on the right side of your blog. It's so EYE-CATCHING! WOW! Kind of makes me want to roll up my sleeve and let someone jab my arm with a needle all for the sake of saving someone's life!

BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! If you can't laugh at yourself, laugh at MANIAC! See, I did it again! xoxo

As someone who started her adopted family late in life, my oldest started high school last fall...four months after my 53rd birthday. LOL High school has been a breeze for him. I was hyperventilating all last summer however. They really drive these kids hard when it comes to making life time decisiions. And to think I was doing it in COLLEGE! His freshman class list looked nothing like mine did. Geez.

I kinda wish someone would have told me more of that, because when I applied for grad school at the age of 39-- guess what I had to send--my highschool transcript. Luckily it wasn't too traumatizing. My daughter is looking at colleges and I think that may be the most traumatizing moment for me...and my son starts high school this fall too. Where did the time go?

My oldest graduates from high school in May and I have my 20 yr class reunion in August and I am younger than you! When I am 49, my youngest will graduate from high school and I still have years to live after that. Permanent record? I work in a school district. If permanent record scared the parents so much, they wouldn't let their kids do what they let them do. That's the scary part. Austin is a smart kid and he'll do well. You should be proud. And if he is smart, it usually is genetic so the rest of them should be smart too. The scary part is if they use those brains for good or bad.....Good luck!

Oh dear heavens... I still remember the anxiety my high school adviser caused. We practically had to choose our college in 8th grade. What 8th grader knows ANYTHING about real life enough to determine what school is the best choice? Heck, at 13 I didn't even know what tuition was! Much headdesking to be had.

I survived though I think the trauma a kid experiences is not due to the transition (high school, compared to lower grades, was awesome) rather caused by all the speeches and phrases thrown at kids and their parents.

I wish you the best of luck. My daughter is only 2.5 so we have quite some time before we start. Homeschooling looks better and better the more I hear and remember, though ;)

50 - ha.. I've got you beat. When my daughter starts ninth grade, I will be 53! Kids need time to be kids, and unless there is a need or want, I can't see summer school for all! I'm also the parent that does not make her child do her homework as soon as she is home from school, and won't ground her from playing outside, and don't have her involved in 27 activities. I totally think kids like grown ups need down time!

That permanent record remark reminds me of that Violent Femmes song "Blister in the Sun". Remember that line that they sing, "And this will go down in your permanent record. Oh yeah!?" We played that song so many times in college. Ah. Good times.

I worked in a support position in a top-in-the-state high school for one year. I couldn't stand how cutthroat it was for the students. Summer School filled up the day enrollment was announced and it was literally like the regular school year it was so crowded. The teachers and administrators made the kids feel if they didn't go to summer school they would ruin their lives. The job wasn't a good fit for me because it was way too stepford. I actually heard a counselor tell a student that even though he had all A's and B's that he hadn't started AP and Accelerated classes until Junior year so he should even bother applying to colleges he wanted, he should settle for 2 year Junior college. Heartbreaking. So much for best-in-the-state school.

LOL! My oldest is also going into 9th grade next fall, and yesterday was their orientation as well. Your experience is EXACTLY why we didn't attend. I figure, why freak her out when she's already freaked out enough? We'll wait for her schedule and then attend the walk through before school starts and she can find her exact classes, etc. I'm glad to see that you have a sense of humor about it! (For the record, I'd have been snorting as well!)

As a mother I am SOOOO with you! Summers are for family time and "chill time" for kids to hang out with no homework or major school expectations.

As an 8th grade teacher, I'm wondering----who WANTS to promote summer school for ALL? Summer is MY time to rejuvinate. To have family time. To read professoinal literature that I don't have time to tread through during the school year.

The trend in Florida has been to place much emphaisis on a 4-year plan for students when they enter high school. However, I haven't heard anything about it being the 3rd most traumatic time in their lives? More truamatic than job hunting? More traumatic than dating and meeting a spouse. YIKES!

I also remember all the high school hype and the pressure to make *huge* life decisions when you're 14.

And you know what else I remember, now that it's *actually happening*? High school matters not one whit in how far you go in life!

If only I could've gone back and told that to my 14-year-old self.

...while I'm at it, I also would've told her to not let that senior grope her in the movie theater parking lot. Oh, and to not wear skirts that were so gosh-dang short! And to practice the violin more.

I've never posted a comment on anyone's blog, but this post made me laugh (not that many of your other posts haven't). Your post really brought me back to high school (I've only been out for 10 years, so it wasn't that long ago). Going to an all girls Catholic high school in the Southside Suburbs of Chicago, I heard all of that and even more.

I had to laugh when you posted "third most traumatic experience." Are they nuts? I would say that maybe that would hold true if a person amounted to absolutely nothing in their life (honestly, does that even happen to anyone?). As someone is recently graduated from law school and is now anxiously studying for the Illinois Bar Exam I can say with experience that there are about a million more things that can fill that spot as "third most traumatic life experience" and I'm only 28! I'm sure I'm going to encounter alot more in the coming years! Good luck to Austin and all of those unfortunate kids embarking on the foolishness of high school!!!

We were just figuring out the college thing yesterday for my son and we calculated that we'll be 57 or 58 when he starts college. Wow! How did that happen? We determined we'd be best served to sock his college money away in an IRA and then we could just pull it out penalty free since we'll be retirement age anyway. Sad, sad, sad.

So, I found out recently that your "permanent record" is really that PERMANENT. I have been out of school for almost (cough) 20 years...recently I needed (for various jobs or enrolling to take further education classes) my ACT score and my immunization records. know where I found them??? My PERMANENT RECORD! OY VEY!

My oldest went to high school this year. We got that same lecture last spring as you got, minus the part about summer school. And he's taking the honors classes as well. And German! Go figure. :) If he stays on track, he'll graduate high school with 15 college credits already. Get ready though - with high school came my son's first girlfriend. I surely wasn't ready for that, but have adjusted to it mostly (they've been together for almost 3 months now). She's a sweet girl and a straight-A student who's in the marching band with him, so similar interests and makes him do his homework LOL. Enjoy the experience, and don't freak out so much that it's high school. BTW, my youngest is in kindergarten, so I'll be 57 when she goes to high school.

And seriously, the stress of going to high school is that big of a deal? Really?? I'd think, I don't know - picking a college major when you are still a child, or trying to find your first job, or having a child.... THOSE things might be stressful, but highschool?

I think summer school for kids who really don't NEED it is the school's answer to all the tutoring places out there advertising that children need tutors and they guarentee a full letter grade improvement in any student's grades. What happens when you send an A student there (and I know people who do)? Lets face it not every student is an A student and not every student needs to be or should be an A student. At least if it's through the public schools you are sure that the teachers are certified and/or have some background in the subject they are teaching.

I support summer school for courses of interest that the student doesn't have time for during the year and really wants to take (they shouldn't never be forced into it however). When I was a child I asked to take a summer reading class offered for advanced readers by the school and had the best time. Every child was there by choice so we were all actively engaged in the course. I also begged to take the summer science course but my parents wouldn't let me "because science was for boys." They were wrong, I'm the physist and my brothers aren't.

BTW, don't sweat the age thing. I know marketing companies tell us that aging is just not the "in thing" and that we must all strive to stay young, thin, and pretty forever. We don't, aging is a fact of life. Having a birthday and getting a year older beats the alternative. Think about it, I'm sure the alternative will come to you and you'll see getting older isn't a bad thing at all.

Oh good grief- they're still trying to scare the kids with the whole "permanent record" crap? And your son WON'T be attending summer school? I guess he can go ahead now and resign himself to driving a (*gasp*) station wagon for his entire adult life! And then, however will he hold his head up proudly?

My daughter is a junior in high school now and I can't believe the head games they play with her. She is very bright and wants to achieve, but some teachers can't be bothered to teach, much less show up, and then they're putting all this pressure on the kids to learn it themselves. OK for my daughter, who can do it, but what about the kids who can't? Or worse yet, won't( that would be my oldest daughter)?I don't remember high school being this difficult.

"the transition between 8th and 9th grade is the 3rd most traumatic thing you'll go through behind losing your parents or losing a spouse."

These people seriously need to get a life. They've obviously tried to get through their wedding day when the in-laws hate your guts, or lost a job or fought in Iraq or sat in courtroom while their chid was sentenced to life without parole for cutting his girlfriend's head off ...

Oh my gosh! My baby will be going to high school next year too! The kids in our town are allowed to chose which high school they will be going to next year (of course with parental guidance!) - so they are touring one of those schools today.

wow. when I started high school 15 years ago, there were only a couple choices.

(a) are you in band or not?(b) did you start algebra a year early or not?

except for math and the electives (languages, music, art, shop, and ag) everyone took the same classes for ninth and tenth grade, and we split at eleventh into going to college/not going to college. in retrospect they must have been thinking about who would go to college to get those kids into the language classes, but I didn't notice it at the time.

As someone who was recently in high school (I'm 22), I can honestly say that the classes you chose have nothing to do with what you'll wind up being when you grow up, nor will you remember much of it the second after you're handed your diploma.

At my school we actually had a mandatory class in 9th grade called "Pathways". This class was all aptitude tests and the teacher forcing you to decide what you were going to do for the rest of your life at the age of 14. Seriously? At 14 you've only really been conscious of life after school for a couple of years, how can you possibly decide what you want to be?

At 22, I still have not gone to college because I have no idea what I want to be, despite an entire quarter of career planning crap. *major eye roll*

Let Austin pick whatever classes sound fun, might as well have 4 years of fun before he gets kicked out into the real world. My senior year I took 3 languages, a couple art classes, some cooking classes. I just had fun with it.

Oh, and in case you're wondering, I was told I should be a marine biologist. I'm scared to death of drowning and deep water... great career choice, right?

And I'm all for the summer school for the kiddos... yep, kick em all out of the house year round. Hey, why not let the educators rear them? Then we can all have babies, send them off to school, and visit when we have time! Wouldn't that be nice?

JK--You know me, I wouldn't have "had eleven in my forties" had I not felt parents andfamily are the best thing to happen to kids, especially when there is both a mom and a dad! I even throw in the idea of the more siblings, the better! :P

Let him pick his best subjects, but don't let him take all of the AP classes that are offered. It really is too much for any kid. They will start to hurt his permanant record and it really isn't worth it.

If you want him to be happy in High School and if you want to enjoy having him around for the next four years....just be careful!

I can tell you, when it comes to foreign languages most high schools have you take 2 years.. what they DONT tell you is that IF you take 3 years in HS, most colleges dont require a foreign language, otherwise, its 4 years of it in college! of course knowing another language is GREAT, but depending on what he will want to do (yes its SICK they expect them to know as freshmen) he may want to get those out of the way in HS!!!!Good luck! you arent old, you are "seasoned"!

it's only traumatic if you make it traumatic! heck! I moved four hours from the only home I'd known all my life when I started high school and I don't think I was traumatized. okay, so making friends took a while. but hey, Austin's got a leg up on me. He already knows the kids from his middle school. and they're all in this thing together!

also, good choice on not doing summer school. now THAT is traumatizing!

keep a sense of humor about this whole high school thing. they aren't the BEST years of a teenager's life, but they're not half bad either.

Our oldest is a sr in college, #2 a sophmore in college, #3 and 4 are sophmores in high school and #5 is in the 8th grade. High school has been a great exerience for us. Much easier tan the jr high hormone fluctuation thingy! By the way. I'm 52. It feels no different than I did when I was 29 like yourself ; ) I'm shocked when I look in the mirror most of the time and think "How'd that happen?"

I am about to turn 35, and my oldest just got the 9th grade orientation letter.... I almost had a heart attack. I hadn't started feeling old yet, cause we did start our family pretty young.... but boy that letter just gave me a reality check!!Andi

Summer school? Screw that! I was an all honors AP kid too. They didn't teach driver's ed at my school though and who would have had time to take it anyway with all the other junk I was involved in. But, I took driver's ed in the summer, after I had a license for almost a year..duh, I did it b/c my dad made me b/c it made insurance was cheaper with my good grades and even cheaper with that course under my belt.

I have a friend who is a teacher and she has taught summer school for the last couple of years. She tells me she gets an extra $3000+ (on top of their salary) for teaching two weeks of summer-school. Granted, these kids are usually pretty rotten and couldn't pass the year on their own. But sometimes I wonder if things like that are for the benefit of students.

I'll be 45 when #10 is born in May, Hubby is already 50. Our kids better work their tails off to get good grades and go to college. They can live at home for free until they finish at the community college 12 miles from our house. Then they need to get a real job or figure out how they will pay for the rest off college on their own.

I'm a lurker on your blog, but I had to comment on this post. It's the whole premise of my book (you and I are represented by the same literary agency)... if adults tell us that high school is something to be survived, like cancer, how do they expect us to do anything more? Here's to your son having an awesome high school experience -- with an awesome mom!