Has 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows' Caused Arthur Conan Doyle to Roll Over in His Grave? (And 24 Other Urgent Questions)

On Friday, you will have the opportunity to exchange currency for access to a larger-than-normal-size room that has the new Sherlock Holmes movie starring Robert Downey Jr. ('The Pick-Up Artist') projected onto one of the walls. This is not the Sherlock Holmes movie that came out in 2009. This a brand new Sherlock Holmes movie that uses the secondary title, 'A Game of Shadows.' As a service, we answer every question that you could have about 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows.'

Q: Is this the movie in which Sherlock Holmes solves that whole Blair Witch mystery?

A: You're getting 'A Game of Shadows' confused with the sequel to 'The Blair Witch Project,' which was titled 'Book of Shadows.'

Q: What kind of games do the shadows play in 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows'?

A: No shadows play any sort of game whatsoever in 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows.'

Q: Have you ever played a game of shadows?

A: If by "played" you mean, "cast a shadow that resembles a rabbit with my hands," then yes.

Q: In 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows,' does any character directly reference a "game of shadows"?

A: At one point Sherlock Holmes makes reference to "a shadowy game."

Q: Did you enjoy 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows'?

A: Not at all.

Q: Did you enjoy the first Guy Ritchie-directed Sherlock Holmes movie?

A: Very much, actually. It was one of my favorite movies of 2009.

Q: So what's wrong with 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows'?

A: It's as if someone took a look at the first movie and said, "Do you know what this movie needs? More guns. I mean, seriously, just a lot of guns and gun battles. Let's do that this time."

Q: What was the most disappointing thing about 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows'?

A: The character of Professor Moriarty.

Q: Does this mean that you're not a fan of Jared Harris?

A: The opposite, actually. First, I think he's excellent on 'Mad Men.' Second, for the small amount of screen time that he has in 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows,' he's good. But that's the problem, his screen time is very limited. Instead, we get a lot of guns.

Q: Wasn't 'A Game of Shadows' the title of a song on Duran Duran's album, 'Seven and the Ragged Tiger'?

A: No, you're thinking of 'Shadows on Your Side.'

Q: What's the most unrealistic scene in 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows'?

A: Watson shoots a building with a tank...

Q: Wait, what? Why is Watson in "a tank."

A: Because Holmes and Watson have broken into an ammunitions warehouse. Anyway, Watson shoots a building that collapses on Holmes and Moriarty, who are fine. In fact, that the entire building just fell on the top of them is barely acknowledged.

Q: Wait, why are Holmes and Watson in an ammunitions warehouse?

A: Because it's owned by Moriarty. Holmes and the recently married Watson (whose wife is literally thrown off of a train and pretty much out of the rest of the movie) are trying to stop Moriarty from some sort of ridiculous scheme.

Q: What is Moriarty's ridiculous scheme?

A: In 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows' Professor Moriarty is basically an arms dealer who is trying to start a war so he can make money blah, blah, blah...

Q: In the book series, was Moriarty an arms dealer?

A: In the book series, in which Moriarty only appears twice, he's more of a secret organized crime boss.

Q: How is Rooney Mara in 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows'

A: Rooney Mara is not in 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows.' You're thinking of Noomi Rapace, who played Lisbeth Salander in the Swedish version of 'The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.'

Q: How is Noomi Rapace in 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows'?

A: I'm going to give Rapace the benefit of the doubt here and not put the entirety of blame on her, but she and Downey have only slightly better chemistry than James Franco and Anne Hathaway.

Q: What's the best thing about 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows'?

A: The chemistry between Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law. Those two are still a lot of fun together on screen. I just wish that they were in a smarter movie.

Q: How many references were in 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows' to the fact that Holmes and Watson may be lovers?

A: I counted five.

Q: If I'm a big fan of Rachel McAdams, should I see 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows' based solely on my adoration for Rachel McAdams?

A: No. You're going to be very disappointed.

Q: For you, is this the most disappointing movie of the year?

A: Yes.

Q: Do Sherlock Holmes and Professor Moriarty have the ability to speak to each other telepathically?

A: Quite astoundingly, if this movie is to be believed, yes, they absolutely do have the power to speak telepathically to each other.

Q: How hard is it to say the main character of this movie's first name without sounding sarcastic?

A: Very. I feel like every time I say "Sherlock," it's in the same tone as if I'm sarcastically saying, "Nice thinking, Sher-lock."

Q: If you're going to be blurbed in this weekend's commercials for 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows,' what quote do you hope is used?