Monthly Archives: April 2014

In years gone by (a looooong time ago, minions), people believed that evil things happened during eclipses.

The Vikings believed their Sky Wolves were chasing the Sun and the Moon, sometimes even catching them. The delicious snack was an eclipse. Apparently.

In Vietnam, it’s a very hungry frog out for the chase. And the only way to bring back the celestial body is to make LOTS OF NOISE!! Bang on those pots! Scream your head off!! Slam that door!! Hmm, Zaltu’s already on top of that.

Of course, the more scientifically minded understand what’s happening. With a Lunar Eclipse, the Earth passes between the Sun and the Moon. With a Solar Eclipse, the Moon is the go-between, casting a shadow on the Earth plunging it into darkness and mayhem, allowing evil to reign once more!!

Or so they say.

Partial Solar Eclipse 2014

Since there is only a partial solar eclipse in Australia and Antarctica today, I guess that means there will only be a little Evil unleashed on the world? Quasi-evil perhaps?

For those in Australia interested in watching, prepare yourselves for the Second Coming (or thirty-third – I’ve lost count). Do NOT look at the Sun. It’s only a partial eclipse and will blind you by forever burning the image of EG Dad’s bulging pecs into your retina (yes, there are worse ways to go, but imagine the torment of forever seeing his pecs and not being able to touch them – well, shut up and think up your own torment!).

There is a safe way to view – a pin-hole camera.

RELEASE THE SCIENCE!

DIY Solar Eclipse Cardboard Viewer

Get two pieces of cardboard (flaps from a box, backs of paper tablets).

With a pin or pencil point, poke a small hole in the center of one piece (no bigger than the pin or pencil point).

Take both pieces in your hand and stand with your back to the sun.
In one hand, hold the piece with the pinhole; place the other piece (the screen) behind it.

The sunlight will pass through the pinhole and form an image on the screen.
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Adjust the distance between the two pieces to focus and change the size of the image. You can even place the viewing-screen piece on the ground and adjust accordingly.

This is our view box – clouds were added bonus

What time should you venture out for such dark magic? It’s supposed to happen between 4pm and 6pm. It should start around 4.15pm in Sydney – adjust your time zone accordingly. Or just listen out for Zaltu’s rendition of Return of Sol.

And remember – do not look directly at the Sun. EG Dad pecs and stuff.

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“If you tell me the truth now, you’ll be in a lot less trouble than if I find out you lied later on.”

It was quite clear that Sinister and Nefarious had been using their super-intelligent powers for evil, and for that I was very very proud.

But I needed to know who had launched the LEGO trebuchet so that the perpetrator could tell me where the last cluster bomb of loom bands had landed. And I needed to know before Zaltu found the bands with her gummy little mouth.

“Okay boys, let me tell you a story.

You know NSW has a Premier? A big politician boss who’s supposed to be the decision-maker for people in New South Wales?”

“Well, he just got busted for lying.”

“Yep, he did a stupid thing and lied to a group of hungry lawyers and judges.”

“And you know what? If he had just told the truth – sure, he would have been told off, and there would have been some uncomfortable questions. But then they would have worked with him to fix the situation.”

“What did he do?”

“He accepted a bottle of wine from another man. Albeit a very nice and very expensive bottle of wine, but when he accepted it – and wrote a very nice thankyou note with it, – he was letting this other guy know that he would help him out instead of doing his proper job as Premier. And the Premier felt guilty, which meant he did the wrong thing.”

“A bottle of wine? That’s all? He didn’t blow anyone up or lay out a LEGO minefield in front of the toilet, or anything?!?”

“Nope. But then he lied about it. And they caught him out because of evidence. That’s stuff they found that shows he lied.”

“So now he has lost his job and nobody trusts or believes him anymore. Which is a lot worse than if he had just told the truth.”

“So, in light of this lesson, is there anything you want to tell me about the trebuchet and the cluster bomb?”

…

Sinister: “It was me.”

“Thankyou. And why are you telling me the truth now?”

“Because I used my glow in the dark bands, and the lesson I have learnt today is find out what evidence you have; then tell the truth for that evidence.”

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Some parents cope with school holidays by sending the spawnlings on camp, or to grandparents. Other parents team up and share the ‘babysitting’ around – amateur hour. At some time, it’s your turn to have a dozen or so 10-year-olds all at once.

The trick is to have one day of slothenly indulgence. Recharge the creative juices, start the eye-brow re-growth, and bring all the incessant whining and begging to one day.

Pyjama Day.

The day coveted by both Spawnling and Evil Genius alike. The rules are simple:

1. Everyone wears pyjamas. Pyjamas will restrict you from going out, encouraging you to stay home and chill out.

2. Each person is allowed one indulgence food – chocolate, bag of lollies, ice-cream, whatever. No limits, no questions, no sharing if they don’t want to.

3. There is no “get out of bed time”. In fact, there’s no set time for anything.

4. Computer games and movies are all good, with one condition – first choice goes to the best relaxation/viewing point. Designs include but not restricted to lounge forts; table caves; bean bag craters. Technological enhancements are bonus.

5. The day after Pyjama Day is outside. No screen time. No argument.

It’s good. It’s very good. It’s exactly what holidays are about. To chill out. To relax. To reset to juices.

And afterwards, you can rebuild that volcano-lair. With sharks. Yeah, sharks.

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More importantly, have you figured out a way to get that damn song out of your head?

Evil LEGO. Evil evil LEGO.

Now let’s go shopping!

But who would believe the evil intentions of the innocent LEGO brick? Well, for one – any poor sucker who has stepped on one in the middle of the night!

Secondly, anyone who has recognised the subtle warnings peppered throughout pop-culture. For example, Evil’s lair in Terry Gillam’s Time Bandits – made with LEGO bricks.

But you and I both know what makes LEGO evil…

The sweet, sweet irony of making an “anti-business” movie, and selling a mall-load of merch specifically from the movie.

Now, let’s just stop and appreciate this awesome evolution. Do you remember LEGO in your childhood? It was simply a few bricks and some ideas. Like Star Wars? Throw a few white bricks in a cross-shape and call it an x-wing. Just saw the original Muppet Movie? Go raid the green pieces for a Kermit portrait.

But there’s no money in imagination. Well, only from milking someone else’s. Sure, you can still buy boxes of bricks du generale, but the real money is in the sets. And if you’re not sure if which sets are out there, go watch the film again.

Of course, if you’re really stuck for ideas, you can always go down the path of gender specific LEGO. Because everyone knows girls can’t build LEGO unless it comes in a pink box and lipstick on the mini figures.

There is now a generation of LEGO builders calling themselves “parents”. You know – the ones that go to the movie just for the kids of course. They are the ones responsible for this marketing campaign. Yep, you’re a dumb ass. You’re the one who thinks your kids can only build the Batcave with the special unique pieces available in #7783.

Do your spawnlings a favour. Buy them a LEGO Movie set – and then tell them they cannot build anything from the movie. Not a single thing. Not even a flying dump truck.

And LEGO – stop with colour stereo-typing. You’ve got red bricks. Stick to what you know.