Support Change

Friday, July 6, 2012

Day 24: Annoyed Character

We at Desteni have 4 online group chats weekly where we discuss self honesty and this was a question someone asked.

Question:What is the root of annoyance, I become annoyed at people very easily,
impatient as well...
Anu: Annoyance; when you've had backchat in your mind towards people where
you have won and they have lost, and then you manifest annoyance towards them
as your armor of protecting your 'i was right and you were wrong'

I saw myself doing this yesterday towards people in my mind
- and it is true I was having a conversation in my head about “why don’t they
do this, it would be better for them, they are not taking responsibly and I
know how they can but they don’t think I am right about this or they don’t want
to do it and I am annoyed at them because I am right and they are wrong. lol!

This is very interesting - because to me I have something
that is working for me and I believe it would work for everyone if they did it.
So I do judge them for not doing it - because I am doing it, and it is hard
work, so I am better than them because I am doing it. But I really don’t feel
that way - I don’t feel better than them - I feel what is the point talking
about your shit if you wont look at yourself as to why. Thus the annoyance is I
cannot be equal to you in conversation because you choose to be a victim to
your personality characters.

So it is more like I want to be equal with them, but they
are not allowing it, is how I feel.

But it is all about me so I have to figure out this one or I
separate myself from people.

Ah maybe just ask them how do being like that or thinking
like that make you feel?

What I can say to my friend - “You feel separate from people
because you want people to like you - when you tell someone something you want
to feel like you are rewarded for your information that you have given, thus
you want something from others. So if you do not get a response from someone
that gives you a feeling of validation you go into judgment and then that turns
into fear to approach someone. It is the fear you will not get validated. And
then one will go into go into backchat in their mind about how they are right
and the other one is wrong. Thus the internal struggle and abuse.”

I just saw as I am sitting here writing that when and if and
when I see myself going into annoyance towards another because I see they are
in victim mode that I can stop and BREATH and become present HERE as THEM as ME
and realizing that I do this ( what they do to myself) and within that I can
possibly offer some insight instead to judge and feel annoyed.

Opps - I just saw that I don’t want to have to be bothered
to give them insight!

Shit - now what is that about…as I thought about this I went
into annoyance again as backchat.

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"As one write self-forgiveness, self-forgiveness is the action of the decision made by self to take responsibility for self, and in taking/giving/gifting self with that responsibility – one become equal-to and one with the “problem”/consequence creation, making the statement: “I am taking responsibility for this problem/consequence creation as me”. In being/becoming the “problem”/consequence creation one will as the “problem”/creation see/find/realise the Solution." Sunette Destonian Spies

This is how we can purify ourselves in 7yrs to become a life worth living that is best for all of life. We take responsible for what we are thinking, and the very act of writing everyday is a way to assist in self disciple of directing our thoughts instead to let emotions, fears and the personality direct us, as we move to a supportive nature towards all mankind.