31 July 2011

Currently - I work as a server in a restaurant. There was 8 other people serving with me tonight, yet I was a 'closer'. So I was in one of the sections that stays on till close. It is a 'leadership' role - that entails ensuring all work is completed - during and after the shift, well in regards to stocking supplies we needs during the shift, and at the end of the night, making sure the place looks nice and ready for the next day.

Well - we have recently added new 'running side work' for everyone during the shift. We all get placed on a board and are assigned to a specific task throughout the night. For example, one person will keep the ice bins full all night, another will make sure cups are stock, another will stock plates and silverware, and etc. My name was not on the board - and neither was the other closer. So I was like, what am I suppose to do?

Apparently - the closers 'job' is to ensure that everyone else is doing there specific job.

And then I had reactions. Because I noticed the ice bin was empty. And we needed cups in the front and the back. I saw that plates were getting low and we could use more silverware.

Normally - if I have the time and see these things are needed to be stocked - then I would just do it. It was kind of like - if you notice it - you take care of it.

So this time - I had reactions to having to mention to someone that their specific side work needed to be done. Mostly what I experienced was how they would react to me asking them to do these things. But obviously I was projecting myself onto them - as I had the initial reaction to having to ask them to do it. Also I experienced fear of how they would see me - that they would think I thought myself to be better then them.

The Mind is a real fuck up.

But it was cool - as I expressed what I was experiencing in relation to this point with another co worker - and what I realized, is that it doesn't have to be anything personal. It's simply something that needs to be done. I can just be direct about it - and not assume they will go into reactions - or feed my own reactions either. As this creates the illusion of something being more then what it is. This is how we attempt to create a situation to be something more then what is actually is. The point simply was that was my task. To ensure others were doing there task. And if all take care of their task - the shift goes smoothly - and all are then supported within the work shift.

What else I see within this is that Ego is not just being about superior to another, or to think highliy of oneself. Ego is that voice within the Mind that has an opinion, idea, thought, perception, answer to everything. It's self interest - as it exists within making everything about itself.

Unnecessarily complicated.

So it was cool to see this point - again, putting more value on another's opinion about me - instead of Standing up within myself as Self Value - directing myself within every moment to simply get done was is required to get done. No matter where I am at. No need to have ideas about it or beliefs. They are not real - and only influence self within the self experience.

29 July 2011

Having let go of this writing process - for no other reason but excuses, I wanted to bring myself back here, push and remind myself Why I am Here. (as writing these blogs).

It is simple.

It is too easy to get lost in the World - through what we are shown on television and the media, and in through social circles and just everyday life. We are constantly told who to be, how to act, what is acceptable and what is not.

I myself, as a Member of Desteni - group of Individuals coming together to bring about Real Change for All in this World, apply specific tools to 'correct' ourselves. Because as we can see - as this Whole World is showing us - we have failed. No - no judgments - yet Self is required to take Responsibility.

So why do we write? We write to expose ourselves. We write to expose this World. We write to see who we are as the WORDS we speak - think - live. TO see if they are in fact worthy of LIfe - Equal as LIfe - here. We write to support ourselves. We write to support others. We write to express ourselves. To free ourselves. To take action - as this World Requires.

First we wake Up. See what is going on in this World - Realize it is unacceptable and then take action in a way that will support others to see as well.

So as we write - we share ourselves, without fear. Because all are equal. We are all Here together, experiencing the same Reality. Yet we all have individualized ourselves within Self Interest. Now it's time for this to Stop.

Change is not going to happen over night. yet it requires practical application - as a practical action.

To Reveal to ourselves and all what is here as ourselves and this World.

This is why we write. With patients. Pushing ourselves to stand up from what we've allowed ourselves to become. To see Life here as the words I type. To see LIfe here as the breath I breathe. This is why I am here.

So ... I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to resist writing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push writing off for another time - when I know this is deliberate deception.
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself as the words I write
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear how others will react to my writings
I forgive myself that I have accepted an fallowed myself to place value on others thoughts/opinions/reactions of my writings - realizing it is only a reflection of myself.
I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can go on as I have - ignoring myself and this world - pretending everything is beautiful - when in fact it's not. When I can see in this World Life is suffering - and I stand Equal as Life that suffers, therefore I walk a Process of Self Correction - Self Purification - Self Realization. Bringing All life Here back to Me equal and One.

I stand Up. I breathe. I write. I forgive. I let go. I walk. I am Here.