Swine flu Lean

Have any other countries gone through such a humerous reaction to swine flu as France has?

When the initial outbreaks took place out somewhere else but a long way from here, there was a feeling that, no, it could never happen here.

Then a French citizen went and contracted the virus out in New Zealand and unfortunately didn’t survive. Oh, we thought, this thing could be dangerous.

We have a fabulous Health Minister. Roselyne, by name, a comical cartoon character if ever you saw one. Must be pretty good though – she’s done a number of ministerial jobs, committed some major gaffes, and is still going from strength to strength.

Anyway, Roselyne, upon hearing of the New Zealand incident, and taking advice from the French medical experts who are all tied in to the vaccine manufacturers who, surprise surprise, are principally to be found in France and Belgium, decided to show all of her powers of anticipation by ordering 94 million of these vaccines.

Now, France is holding around 65m at the moment, give or take a few illegals, and even my maths can’t get around how, whether it be one dose or two, 65m translates into 94m doses when the youngest and eldest are the most exposed.

Anyway, it was decided that a dual vaccination was required, priority lists were set, emergency tents erected all around France (but in the main towns, hard luck if you live in the country, as local general practitioners are not allowed to participate in all of this), medical staff and volunteers mobilised… and they waited.. and waited… and waited.

Television reports were a little sarcastic outset. One pack of vaccines supplies ten vaccinations, and there was a little scandal on how many were being thrown away because people didn’t turn up in multiples of ten. Or didn’t turn up at all.

This is where Roselyne came into her element, describing on national TV exactly what major risks we were running through not getting vaccinated. She didn’t exactly come out with boils, verrouckas (could never spell it) and pus-filled scabs, but we were almost there. Well, she did have 93,5m to get rid of.

And, as much as I love the French, it did work. We now have ration-kitchen-like queues, people fighting to get vaccinated, and Roselyne running around shit-scared that she’s not going to have enough to go around.

So we’ve decided that, in fact, it’s not two injections we need, but one.