Sentences I Never Thought I’d Have To Write

I find myself writing “sentences I never thought I’d have to write” in posts every once in a while, and I thought it would be fun to put them in a list. (Because everything sounds funnier out of context.)

I cannot wait to watch a scene in which a teenage boy panics in a minivan and is forced to pee into an empty beer bottle.

Yes there have been love triangles in other books—The Hunger Games, Twilight, Percy Jackson—but it was so obvious who was going to make it in the end, resulting in one of the two contenders dying, or becoming celibate, or turning out to be a jerk, or falling in love with the winning couple’s daughter…