Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Wanted

Parents seeking.....

How would you start a personal add for your lovely, unmarried, Godly, adult daughter? Not that we are likely to advertise in the local paper, but Sir Knight and I have been brainstorming ideas of traits that we would like to have in a son-in-law. Being the off-beat family that we are, our list of qualifications looks more like a skill set than a romantic ideal of "Mr. Perfect". So, here are some of the qualities we are looking for in our daughter's future husband....

1. Non-negotiable - God-fearing, Jesus-loving, Christian.

2. Loves children and considers them as a gift rather than a nuisance.

3. Priest, Prophet, Provider & Protector of his family.

4. Military (preferably at least one tour in Afghanistan - or other mountainous region).

5. Proficient in small unit tactics (any special forces training a plus).

This seems a little ridiculous, but it is amazing how few real men we come into contact with. Mostly, we meet boys who are only interested in their girls running around with no clothes on and then taking what little they do have on at the drop of a hat. Not for our girl. We want more. We have raised her to be more.

No. I don't think we will take an add out in the paper or post a personal add on Craigslist. I think we will pray. We will pray for Maid Elizabeth's husband just like we have been praying for him since she was a little girl. God will bring him in His perfect timing. We will wait.

I respect this! To bad both my sons a married to ladies like I suspect your daughter is. They are Marines (Afghanistan vets), Christians and all of your list except Hams, which can be learned. Your group standard may be different than ours too.

I would add - that he be willing to learn and protect. He might not completely know the importance yet of being hamm radio trained or stocking a full years supply of food. More important that he is WILLING to discover why this is important and WANTING to do everything in his power to protect her. This is a journey that they can travel together with the help of a supportive family. I'm excited for her & praying for her!~Clare

This is our daughters list. We would never be so presumptuous as to dictate to her what her heart's desires are! A few of the items on the list are said tongue-in-cheek, like the years supply of food and group standard weapons. Others, of course, are not required (military service). But Maid Elizabeth does have 2 that are not negotiable - 1. Christian (walk the walk type - not just someone who talks about it) and 2. Loves children. So, that is it, in a nutshell!

Not sure what you think of the Pearls, but Debi Pearl has a very good book called "Preparing to be his helpmeet" that adresses this very subject. There are many youtube vids if you search No Greater Joy. Good stuff.

Have you or your daughter read "What He Must Be if He wants to Marry my Daughter" by Voddie Baucham? My husband and I read it this spring and really enjoyed it. We found it very challenging as we prepare our sons to one day be husbands, fathers, and leaders. (Sorry, our boys are just 10 and 5 years....but maybe you have younger girls? :) Dr. Baucham does not address prepardness issues, nor the ability to handle a weapon (and BTW, I did get your tongue-in-check!), but he does address the imperatives: regenerate Christian life, a Biblical view a children, being prophet, priest, protector, etc.

Just keep praying. Since I was a kid, my parents prayed for the man I would marry. I'm sure I terrified them a few times by staying in some pretty awful relationships, but in the end, God was faithful, their prayers were answered, and I married someone absolutely wonderful. So will Maid Elizabeth.

Dearest Enola & Maid Elizabeth,I know when we were there visiting recently I spoke of a young woman whom the Lord had wait until she was 30 to bring her husband to light. They were married in July & had the most wonderful God honoring wedding I have ever had the privilege to attend. Her dear sister is 34 and got engaged to a great man this last Saturday. She is 34. Both of these ladies lived all their unmarried years at home under the protection of their father & helping him in his various endeavors, plus some of their own. Not once in all the years I have known them did they have even a hint of bitterness at still being unmarried at 'such an old age'. They exude a grace, cheerfulness and Love for the Lord that is palpable. Both of these young women will also tell you that every moment was "WORTH THE WAIT"! In both cases, the young men were not saved until 10 years or so ago and had a LOT to learn before they would be ready to shepherd a family. Not all stories are like these two! There are many others where the young woman is going about her father's business when "the one" is brought to light! These two young women have a number of other siblings. One brother got married last year and they just had their first baby (sweetest little thing!). He was 22 she was 24. Here again they waited on God's timing and kept busy with what the Lord had for them. God has one special young man for a daughter so sweet as Maid Elizabeth! We will add Maid Elizabeth & whomever is her husband to be to our prayers.

When I was a young man my head was messed up in several ways. However, I knew I wanted to find a Christian girl to marry. My mother gave me some excellent advice to use as guidance when looking for a wife "Is she the person you want raising your children?"

God led me to a wonderful woman.

This was in the early 1970's and the other thing I knew was that as soon as possible I wanted to move out of the big city. The dangers I saw then were different from those that I see now, but in both cases living in a large city was not what we wanted to do long term. It took years, and several moves, but we are now at least an hour's drive from the nearest major city, living on the outskirts of a smallish town.

After moving out of the city I was able to learn to shoot and become a ham radio operator. So don't be concerned if Mr. Right does not currently have all the skills you would wish for. He can learn them.

Our 4 boys are all now married and we have 6 grandchildren. I just took our oldest grandson shooting for the first time. Need to pass on some of these critical skills.

Another vote here for Voddie Bauchams's "What He Must Be"--great stuff! In addition to addressing requirements for a potential husband, it also discusses the father's responsibilities in protecting his daughter's virtue. Definitely worth a read.

Sir Knight and I have listened to and read most, if not all of Voddie Bauchams sermons and books. We LOVE what he has to say (because we think it is what the Bible has to say). Our problem is not with the orthodoxy, it is the orthopraxy! Dr. Baucham is right about making your own son-in-law. The problem that we are having is finding raw materials!

I like your thought process, Enola Gay. The balance between dating men and women has been broken for some time. Everyone rightfully wants the best candidate for his or her daughter. Likewise, every parent wants the right daughter for his or her son. It's always nice when virtuous demands are placed on boys and girls alike who are headed into dating relationships or marriage.

Consider my son. (I'm serious). You probably saw the post I put up a few months ago about how hard it has been for him to find a like-minded, Christian, modest, etc. etc. woman. Living a somewhat separatist existence on a farm doesn't give many opportunities to meet like-minded people. He meets some of your criteria and is working on most of the rest of the list. (No, he has not read your blog -- I'm the blog-browser of the two of us)

DEAR ENOLA, MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY-WE TOO REARED OUR DAUGHTERS TO SETTLE FOR NOTHING LESS THAN REAL MEN.SADLY I MUST SAY THAT OUR OLDEST DAUGHTER IS STILL YET TO FIND HIM- SHE JUST TURNED 30 THIS MONTH AND I FEEL AS IF SHE HAS GIVEN UP HOPE OF EVER FINDING MR RIGHT. I PRAY DAILY THAT SHE WILL MEET SOMEONE AND WONT HAVE TO SPEND THE REST OF HER LIFE ALONE. SO SOMETIMES WE DO OUR JOB A LITTLE TOO GOOD..GOD BLESS... GLORIA

I found this really interesting because 24 years ago (When I was 29 and he was 30) my husband placed an ad in the paper and I answered it! The thing that attracted me to his ad was that he didn't mention any physical characteristics. ". . .looking for intelligent, sincere, fun-loving lady friend. . ." After we were married he asked me "Why did you marry someone not of your faith when it means so much to you?" After much thought I came up with this answer "I can teach you about the church anytime you want to learn; but I can't teach you to be hard-working, patient, gentlemanly, etc. You just had to come that way." He did learn about the church and decide to be baptized about six years later. We've been married 23 years now. The Lord had prepared me for him by placing in my path several US Marines who were wonderful and I got over my fear of them. So when I met my Marine husband I thought he was terrific. We have four boys, the oldest is almost 21, serving as a missionary in Argentina. We pray for the Lord to prepare godly women for them who want to be wives, homemakers, and mothers. We pray our daughter will find a godly man willing to provide for and protect her. They are out there--we just have to trust the Lord to allow their paths to cross and meet.

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About Me

I am a christian, conservative, survival minded, homeschooling,off-grid, independent, home-birthing, Proverbs 31, Titus 2 minded 40 year old woman. I live with my husband and five children in our solar/generator powered shop on 30 acres. We are homestead types who try to do as much as we can ourselves, but understand the importance of community.