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Gerard Depardieu to remake Green Card

French actor Gerard Depardieu is to remake one of his most popular films with a new twist. ‘Gerard will play a Frenchman who enters into a marriage of convenience with a high ranking politician in a major Eurasian country,’ said his agent. ‘A number of film endings have been made to ensure that the press don’t try to second guess what happens. The director of the film has stated that it is going to be very exciting, involving a complex interplay between two presidents.’

All the scriptwriters will reveal is that Gerard will repeatedly fly between all three countries trying not to wet himself on the plane.