1.16.2010

So, the all-time sweetest and strawberriest blogger ever, Kerri from Your Wishcake, started this great thing (or terrible thing, depending on my own determination and staying power) called Work It Out Weekends. And I thought it was a grand idea, to tell you how fantastically I fail each week at becoming small enough to wear "free size" in Korea, or to having an S-line. (I am currently sporting the B-line. It's a Boobs and Belly shape.)

And God bless Korea because I showed an enormous amount of initiative and joined the gym this week. I joined with two Korean girlfriends on Wednesday and signed up for the Aerobics class at 10:40 am. It's offered everyday, but I think for now I'll stick with Monday, Wednesday, and Friday classes. But I am a bit addicted to it and found myself wondering out loud whether they had a class on Saturdays when I got up this morning. And Kenny knew something was up. Because all of the sudden on my day off, the day of doing nothing, the day of taking three hour naps after only four hours of being awake, the day of eating however many corn dogs I can handle- on this day, I consider going to the gym.

I mean, I didn't. But this is definitely a step in the right direction, y'all. I mentioned that last week I lost a kilo. (That's about 2 pounds for the Stateside folks. And see, the great things about kilos is that I count the amount of weight I need to lose in kilos because the number is smaller. But when I actually lose the weight, I count it in pounds because it pretty much doubles. It's a beautiful system of motivation, or self-deception, whichever.) I can drop weight pretty fast if I just discipline myself enough not to eat after 6 pm. Which, when you work from 1-9 everyday becomes quite the task because oh my god you have to think about what you're going to eat and actually make plans and cook ahead of time and then remember to take it with you to work. But this week, I let it slip a little because good grief I went to the gym twice! And this aerobics class is a full hour of jumping, popping, kicking, grape-vining, shaking, and more jumping.

If I could video tape me in this class, y'all, not only would I record it, I would post it on the Internet for the world to see. And then I would be all famous. People would call me The Aerobics Girl, and then I would get all these invites to talk shows and I would get to teach Ellen how to do aerobics Korean style and maybe finally meet G-Dragon. Because this aerobics is not like any aerobics you have ever seen. Unless you have seen this, on speed:

Because the aerobics instructor is hotter than these girls, I get insanely jealous during class. And there is a lot of standing still in this video. But in class, there is NO standing still. And they have a stereo with one of those knobs you turn to make it faster and faster, but without everything sounding like the chipmunks. So, speed this song up about 7 or 8 times faster than it is, imagine me trying to do this, but with all sorts of hops, jumps, knee raises, swivel hips, and cute little hand motions in all the places where these girls are standing still. I am not kidding when I say it is Korean music video class. Because this Friday, I learned this signature move from the Brown Eyed Girls:

This is not the Brown Eyed Girls. Because in their video, they do a lot of standing around and writhing on the ground. Which is actually not part of my aerobics class. although I do consider lying down in class sometimes. This is the Brown Eyed Girls video everyone is familiar with in Korea. But the move where they cross their arms and shake their hips back and forth, yeah baby. I got that one down. Because after that part, I'm completely lost. All the way. It's like my nightmares have become reality. When I was in high school (and even now sometimes) I would dream that I am at a dance recital. And I should know all the steps. But I don't. It's the most horrible feeling in the world. I can deal with the dreams where I almost die, where people are chasing me and trying to kill me, where Strawberry Shortcake leaves me in the forest to be eaten by a giant. But this whole being on stage and flailing around trying to keep up with everyone and drawing an absolute blank when it comes to the steps: that I cannot handle and wake up sweating with that awful feeling still in the pit of my stomach.

So yeah, Korean aerobics class is kind of like that. Because although I have rhythm, danced for 16 years, and still routinely perform in the kitchen while washing the dishes or cleaning the house, I cannot keep up with these ladies. So, I get a lot more rest than everyone else because I kind of do the whole throw your hands in the air when everyone else does and try to figure out which direction they're moving in next. I've figured out one routine, but not entirely. It is hilarious. I do not even have enough shame to stand at the back! I stand right next to my friend, boldly showcasing my inability to perform 2NE1's latest moves and cutesy steps. This is another song we dance to, only some manic and fiercely fast version:

But I sweat. And I actually do have fun. Although I have come to loathe the fifty year old woman who centers herself in the front row and does everything with this look on her face like she's the instructor, even though her transitions are laughable and her movements often lack conviction. As in, what is that move supposed to be? Ohhhhh. She's trying to do the one where you contract your stomach while you pull your shoulders and hips forward and then arch your back, showcasing your boobs while throwing your arms and hips back quickly. But instead of contracting her stomach and arching her back in turn, she's just bending her knees. It's awesome.

So, to recap, I am going to aerobics class and trying to learn all these dances/aerobics combos that everyone else already knows! But, I did find out that they learn a new routine every other Wednesday and practice for two weeks. So, next Wednesday here I come! Because I will be on the same level as everyone else. For one routine. And the rest, I'll still be the girl turning three counts late, not knowing the 2NE1 hand signals to throw, or how to roll my butt in the right direction at the right time on the right count and pull my knee up to my boobs at the same time. Ah well, it's exercise, right?

So, the all-time sweetest and strawberriest blogger ever, Kerri from Your Wishcake, started this great thing (or terrible thing, depending on my own determination and staying power) called Work It Out Weekends. And I thought it was a grand idea, to tell you how fantastically I fail each week at becoming small enough to wear "free size" in Korea, or to having an S-line. (I am currently sporting the B-line. It's a Boobs and Belly shape.)

And God bless Korea because I showed an enormous amount of initiative and joined the gym this week. I joined with two Korean girlfriends on Wednesday and signed up for the Aerobics class at 10:40 am. It's offered everyday, but I think for now I'll stick with Monday, Wednesday, and Friday classes. But I am a bit addicted to it and found myself wondering out loud whether they had a class on Saturdays when I got up this morning. And Kenny knew something was up. Because all of the sudden on my day off, the day of doing nothing, the day of taking three hour naps after only four hours of being awake, the day of eating however many corn dogs I can handle- on this day, I consider going to the gym.

I mean, I didn't. But this is definitely a step in the right direction, y'all. I mentioned that last week I lost a kilo. (That's about 2 pounds for the Stateside folks. And see, the great things about kilos is that I count the amount of weight I need to lose in kilos because the number is smaller. But when I actually lose the weight, I count it in pounds because it pretty much doubles. It's a beautiful system of motivation, or self-deception, whichever.) I can drop weight pretty fast if I just discipline myself enough not to eat after 6 pm. Which, when you work from 1-9 everyday becomes quite the task because oh my god you have to think about what you're going to eat and actually make plans and cook ahead of time and then remember to take it with you to work. But this week, I let it slip a little because good grief I went to the gym twice! And this aerobics class is a full hour of jumping, popping, kicking, grape-vining, shaking, and more jumping.

If I could video tape me in this class, y'all, not only would I record it, I would post it on the Internet for the world to see. And then I would be all famous. People would call me The Aerobics Girl, and then I would get all these invites to talk shows and I would get to teach Ellen how to do aerobics Korean style and maybe finally meet G-Dragon. Because this aerobics is not like any aerobics you have ever seen. Unless you have seen this, on speed:

Because the aerobics instructor is hotter than these girls, I get insanely jealous during class. And there is a lot of standing still in this video. But in class, there is NO standing still. And they have a stereo with one of those knobs you turn to make it faster and faster, but without everything sounding like the chipmunks. So, speed this song up about 7 or 8 times faster than it is, imagine me trying to do this, but with all sorts of hops, jumps, knee raises, swivel hips, and cute little hand motions in all the places where these girls are standing still. I am not kidding when I say it is Korean music video class. Because this Friday, I learned this signature move from the Brown Eyed Girls:

This is not the Brown Eyed Girls. Because in their video, they do a lot of standing around and writhing on the ground. Which is actually not part of my aerobics class. although I do consider lying down in class sometimes. This is the Brown Eyed Girls video everyone is familiar with in Korea. But the move where they cross their arms and shake their hips back and forth, yeah baby. I got that one down. Because after that part, I'm completely lost. All the way. It's like my nightmares have become reality. When I was in high school (and even now sometimes) I would dream that I am at a dance recital. And I should know all the steps. But I don't. It's the most horrible feeling in the world. I can deal with the dreams where I almost die, where people are chasing me and trying to kill me, where Strawberry Shortcake leaves me in the forest to be eaten by a giant. But this whole being on stage and flailing around trying to keep up with everyone and drawing an absolute blank when it comes to the steps: that I cannot handle and wake up sweating with that awful feeling still in the pit of my stomach.

So yeah, Korean aerobics class is kind of like that. Because although I have rhythm, danced for 16 years, and still routinely perform in the kitchen while washing the dishes or cleaning the house, I cannot keep up with these ladies. So, I get a lot more rest than everyone else because I kind of do the whole throw your hands in the air when everyone else does and try to figure out which direction they're moving in next. I've figured out one routine, but not entirely. It is hilarious. I do not even have enough shame to stand at the back! I stand right next to my friend, boldly showcasing my inability to perform 2NE1's latest moves and cutesy steps. This is another song we dance to, only some manic and fiercely fast version:

But I sweat. And I actually do have fun. Although I have come to loathe the fifty year old woman who centers herself in the front row and does everything with this look on her face like she's the instructor, even though her transitions are laughable and her movements often lack conviction. As in, what is that move supposed to be? Ohhhhh. She's trying to do the one where you contract your stomach while you pull your shoulders and hips forward and then arch your back, showcasing your boobs while throwing your arms and hips back quickly. But instead of contracting her stomach and arching her back in turn, she's just bending her knees. It's awesome.

So, to recap, I am going to aerobics class and trying to learn all these dances/aerobics combos that everyone else already knows! But, I did find out that they learn a new routine every other Wednesday and practice for two weeks. So, next Wednesday here I come! Because I will be on the same level as everyone else. For one routine. And the rest, I'll still be the girl turning three counts late, not knowing the 2NE1 hand signals to throw, or how to roll my butt in the right direction at the right time on the right count and pull my knee up to my boobs at the same time. Ah well, it's exercise, right?