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Friday, September 5, 2014

It’s late summer, which means that cucumbers are sprouting
faster than chin hairs on an old lady. I’ve pickled them, sliced them up for
salads, and served them as simple appetizers with olive oil and salt every damn day for
weeks. And now, I’m sick as fuck of cucumbers. So here are three things to do
with cucumbers besides eat them (no, not that, you pervs), all of which will
make you feel prettier, too.

Slice them up for spa
water: Slice a cuke into ¼ inch rounds and put them in a pitcher with
several cups of water. Let it steep in the fridge for a few hours, and tada!
Refreshing, cucumber-infused “spa water” that you can serve to your pals. Wicked
fancy and wicked tasty, especially for those who regularly reach for flavored
bottled water. Other additions might include lemon slices or sprigs of mint.

Slap a few slices
over your ojos:Ojos means “eyes”
in Spanish for all you uncultured slobs. I’m allergic to my cat, and every so
often he makes my eyes turn into red and watery puffs of ickiness. I mean, I
look truly scary. This happened to me a few days ago, so I placed a cucumber slice
over each eye for a few minutes, and felt the swelling go down. “Can you eat
them after you take them off your eyes?” my five-year-old, Chloe, asked. Ummm,
I guess you could, but they’d be all warm and allergy-ish, so that’s pretty
freaking gross.

Make a body scrub: A quick Google search yields tons of
recipes for homemade scrubs that consist of little more than pureed cucumber,
sugar, and a few drops of oil. Although some of the scrubs call for fancier oils, like grapeseed oil, I’m thinking that olive oil would work just as well.