Blake & Ryan: family time, that’s all

Savages opened this weekend. Did you go? As Duana was my main event, I won’t be going until later this week. As much as many of you wanted it to though, Savages did not bomb. It opened over $16 million which, according to Deadline was better than expected, and according to Box Office Mojo, isn’t “a bad start at all”. I don’t know if you can call it a critical bomb either. Some major critics loathed it. And still others, equally respected, were complimentary. Hate however is always louder than love. Which is why they’re saying that negative perception could pull down Savages as it heads into its second weekend. I really do wish there could be a scientific application to the analysis of audience trends. How is it that sh-tty reviews don’t hurt some movies - ie The Vow - and are so important to others? Or is it more about the target audience? People who are drawn to movies like The Vow don’t care if they’re watching sh-t, so long as it’s pretty and about falling in love. Whereas the audience for films like Savages places more of a premium on quality and plot? That’s, for sure, a gross generalisation. But that doesn’t mean it can be immediately dismissed either. Viewing standards are raised and lowered according to personal preferences. How we arrive at those arbitrary decisions is, in itself, a study in social behaviour. Tell that to the next asshole who questions you on why pop culture is important.

But look, Blake Lively is in a bathing suit. Let’s shift our focus to celebrity anthropology now. Here are Blake and Ryan Reynolds enjoying Independence Day last week with her family. These photos were released on Friday. Savages was also released on Friday.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Coincidence or conspiracy?

Oh come on. Unless you run the Blake Lively Is Perfect fan club, you know the answer to that question. You also know why she’s wearing an unflattering one piece bathing suit too. Because some photo editor of some tabloid - this week I’ll say In Touch Weekly - will try to find some bump somewhere to suggest something bumpy. And she gives them a hand on her stomach in a few of these as a bonus too.

Duana and I were at the nail bar when these were first published on Friday. We were the cliché - looking at a celebrities in swimwear while getting our fingers polished, with particular focus on the hard nipples. The hard nipples, Duana concluded, serve as slamdunk evidence that Blake’s are not originals. Something about the way the “nipples cut a straight line in her shirt and natural nipples just don’t do that”. I wasn’t so focused on her tits as much as I was, obviously, the timing of it all, and Blake’s return to strategic photo selling and whether or not she’s mad at Katie Holmes for getting in the way because they would likely have had slightly more impact if Katie wasn’t trying to f-ck Xenu up the ass. On any other given Friday, without the Cruise/Holmes drama, I may have been medium compelled to drag my ass back to my laptop that afternoon and write a quick few words about it. In light of what Katie’s done to our summer though, Blake’s little love prance elicited a mere shrug.