Valley traffic dispatches show civilization's end is near

Now then, do you remember the other day when I invited you people to vent about Valley drivers and Valley traffic?

This might have been a mistake.

It might have been a mistake in the sense that I spent the long holiday weekend, time I should have spent meditating on our great American presidents or taking naps, reading your e-mails in response to my request.

On the other hand, I now have enough material for about a week's worth of columns, although I think probably you people would get a bit tired of that, as would my masters if they actually read this stuff.

More than anything, your reports of Valley drivers and traffic have sort of inspired me.

They have inspired me to consider selling my vehicle, to never venture beyond the end of my driveway to pick up the paper and to conduct all my human interactions over the Internet.

It is, as I guess I already knew, a jungle out there.

Now to grossly overgeneralize your reports, Valley drivers apparently drive too fast, don't drive fast enough, don't use their turn signals, tailgate, cut across several lanes without warning, abuse the HOV lanes, spit, make obscene gestures, weave in and out of thick traffic, play loud music, put on makeup, use cellphones, text and generally advocate the end of civilization as we know it.

Now, Thursday I'll share with you some of the scariest anecdotes some of you people took it upon yourselves to share, no doubt for the good of society.

In the meantime, consider selling your car and just living through the Internet.