<p>Do you remember the last time you took a chance? I do. It was when you decided to leave the security of your mother's womb and headed for the bright light. It's time to head for the next bright light, my friend. Creativity is not your strong suit. You are good at doing what you are told to do and that, in itself, is a gift. It's not a gift to you, mind you, but rather a gift to those who will be there to tell you what to do. You like long walks on the beach and cuddling, but would never admit that to your Guy friends who think you are okay but can't always remember your name. Tapioca pudding seems a bit extreme for a fellow such as yerself, what with all the bumps and stuff. It's a good thing ye be on a pirate ship, otherwise, ye'd would be walkin' because ye be positively pedestrian. Have a nice day.<p><p><p><p><p><p></p>

“I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Hollywood and Madison Avenue, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak.” -Bill Watterson

<p>Do you remember the last time you took a chance? I do. It was when you decided to leave the security of your mother's womb and headed for the bright light. It's time to head for the next bright light, my friend. Creativity is not your strong suit. You are good at doing what you are told to do and that, in itself, is a gift. It's not a gift to you, mind you, but rather a gift to those who will be there to tell you what to do. You like long walks on the beach and cuddling, but would never admit that to your Guy friends who think you are okay but can't always remember your name. Tapioca pudding seems a bit extreme for a fellow such as yerself, what with all the bumps and stuff. It's a good thing ye be on a pirate ship, otherwise, ye'd would be walkin' because ye be positively pedestrian. Have a nice day.<p><p><p><p><p><p></p>

... I got the Cap'n, but that's Captain Penguin's job. So I guess I'm Ol' Chummy.

<font size="+1">You are Ol' Chummy</font>

<p>You look old for your age. Hygiene is just that thing that happens to other Pirates. You like what you like. Taking a cannonball to the head in your younger days hasn't helped. Not one to take risks, you enjoy quiet evenings on your bunk. You're a collector. You like things. Not, "nice" things- just things. Some people think of you as a blight on humanity - a carbuncle on the alabaster skin of man. You think of yourself as a swell guy with lots of friend - just the one, but lots of him. If you weren't a pirate, but rather lived in the 21st Century, you would be the kind of guy who has played a computer game for four days without thinking of showering and living solely on Mountain Dew and Cool Ranch Doritos. What you lack in physical attractiveness you more than make up for in interesting skin conditions. What's the upside of all of this? With the Captain's lifestyle, you are likely to be running the ship in a week or two. Ahead! Warp Factor ONE!<p><p><p><p><p><p><p><p></p>

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/5233312.stmPenguins are starting to invade Rio de Janeiro. The military is attempting to cover up the invasion, and its suppression by words of charity and helping the penguins, but we all know better than this.

<p>Some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any man that stands between them and the mantle of power. You never met a man you couldn't eviscerate. Not that mindless violence is the only avenue open to you - but why take an avenue when you have complete freeway access? You are the definitive Man of Action. You are James Bond in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. Your swash was buckled long ago and you have never been so sure of anything in your life as in your ability to bend everyone to your will. You will call anyone out and cut off their head if they show any sign of taking you on or backing down. You cannot be saddled with tedious underlings, but if one of your lieutenants shows an overly developed sense of ambition he may find more suitable accommodations in Davy Jones' locker. That is, of course, IF you notice him. You tend to be self absorbed - a weakness that may keep you from seeing enemies where they are and imagining them where they are not.<p><p><p><p><p><p><p><p><p><p></p>

You are The Quartermaster You, me hearty, are a man or woman of action! And what action it is! Gruesome, awful, delightful action. You mete out punishment to friend and foe alike – well, mostly to foe, because your burning inner rage isn’t likely to draw you a whole lot of the former. Still, though you may be what today is called “high maintenance” and in the past was called “bat-s**t crazy,” the crew likes to have you around because in a pinch your maniacal combat prowess may be the only thing that saves them from Jack Ketch. When not in a pinch, the rest of the crew will goad you into berserker mode because it’s just kind of fun to watch. So you provide a double service – doling out discipline AND entertainment.

Logged

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away."-Philip K. Dick

I feel it is my duty to regale you all with tales of the Talk Like a Pirate Day Party (held saturday the 13th due to scheduling issues)

The place was decorated with much time and care, a Jolly Roger hung from the front window, eye patches and cutlasses hung from pegs by the keg (Yuengling for those who are interested)

Inside the house were pirate banners, flags, and such, a table laden with food and sturfy paper pirate plates. There was pineapple and coconut rum punch, three-rum punch, and fresh sangria to be had. I did have of them, copiously, and the fruit of the keg as well.

After eating, and a great deal of drinking by all in attendance (maybe 30 people) there were pirate games.

My wife won the trivia contest, which I attribute to the fact that I was very thoroughly in my cups. Pirate questions ranged from Sea Beggars, to who played Tinkerbell in Hook.

Then, in the fashion of Pirate Master, we were broken into four hearty teams. I was pleased to find that I was the fourth and final Captain, and got to pick me own team. We received 10 clues, each leading to the next clue in the sequence. There was an honest to god puzzle that had to be solved to get the next clue in the series. Thence, with the 10 clues in hand, we were awarded with the treasure map, and went tromping off across the host's yard. There was some arguing over which way was up on the map. We found the spot and dug up a wooden chest ($17.99 at BigLots! price tag still on the bottom) and my goodness there was some good loot in the box.

My crew only had 4 members, so me and the wife took 3 bottles of rum, while the other two members (also a husband-wife) took 3 gift cards.

Once the sun went down, we drank more, and the whole time Pirates of the Caribbean played on the TV. Then we had the Walk the Plank contest. Forwards, backwards, blindfolded, etc. Your truly was knocked out in the second round, falling off the plank. too much rum, too much rum.

<font size="+1"><p> You are The Quartermaster</p> <p>You, me hearty, are a man or woman of action! And what action it is! Gruesome, awful, delightful action. You mete out punishment to friend and foe alike – well, mostly to foe, because your burning inner rage isn’t likely to draw you a whole lot of the former. Still, though you may be what today is called “high maintenance” and in the past was called “bat-s**t crazy,” the crew likes to have you around because in a pinch your maniacal combat prowess may be the only thing that saves them from Jack Ketch. When not in a pinch, the rest of the crew will goad you into berserker mode because it’s just kind of fun to watch. So you provide a double service – doling out discipline AND entertainment.<p><p><p><p><p><p></p>

Cut to: Scene with a crew of pirates are going about shiply duties on a West Indies Pirate Ship durring the age of Piracy. Voice Over by Captain: "We have had a bit of trouble. So we sailed from our warm waters to the China Sea. When in Port, we had a shady contact....

Cut to a scene that feels like the Star Wars Cantina, with less aliens. In the back, the captain and a few crew are talking to a hooded robed figures. Voice Over by Sam: "Of course, there never be a contact that not be shady". A map is handed overVoice Over Captain: We were to sail to a deserted stretch of one of the big islands. There we were to take on a noble passenger and her watchdog.... The crew leaves and we see "The Watchdog"'s face revealed to the camera.Voice Over Captain: ... We are to sail away to a point on the north Cathay coast. We drop them with their people. Seems easy enough.

Cut to: Shot of the Cannon firing: Voice Over Captain: "It never goes easy."Vloice Over Sam: "Aye, that be true."

Scene: Ship riding the wild waves VO Captain:" Before the first night out we lost "the watch dog". We assumed he fell overboard..."Scene: Late Sunset on the SeaVO Captain: Then they came out....Birds Eye view of the Scene: Pirates on deck. Smoke and flashes and shouting. Action Montage of Pirates and Ninjas going at it. Suprising few injuries.

Cut to: Watch Dog towelling off his hair and talking to the Chinese Pirate Captain named Chang in his ship:"You will ensure that these Western Dogs die. The Shogun will blame them for her kidnapping and the balance of power will be destroyed. There can be no witnesses. "

"We will stall the Samurai Fleet. There may be agents of the Kuge.. shadow warrior.. on board."

"I said, there can be no witnesses."

Cut to fight scene... small bit of montage...

Captain faces off against a Ninja with the girl behind him. "You can't have her. I swore to keep her safe".The ninja drops his guard. "So have I."

Cut to: It is dawn and the Ninja and the Pirates are looking over the rail...They see half the Chinese Pirate fleet sailing towards them.

Another Fight Scene Montage, this time with Western Pirates and Ninjas on the same side. included in this is a scene where the Princess gets a Katana and begins to take people out. VO Captain: Can a handful of smart and scurvy pirates and three ninjas take out a small fleet of Chinese Coastal Pirates? VO Sam: "before the Japanese Samurai catch up and rescue us or kill us?"

More action scenesA ninja pops up forefront over these action scenes... makes a shhhhhh noise. VO Ninja: "If the Montages in the Previews are to believed, they might just do it. "