Government to bail out Tottenham Hotspur with emergency injection of 50 points

After continuing falls in the league position of Tottenham Hotspur, the government has announced that it is stepping in to prop up the ailing North London club with an emergency injection of fifty league points.

The club’s stock has fallen sharply since August with a negative goal difference increasing week on week. A number of competitors such as Hull City took points away from them, causing commentators to speculate that the club was wildly over-valued before the current crisis. BBC’s John Motson described the move as ‘perhaps the most extraordinary day in British football’ and an ‘absolute humiliation for Spurs, as if any more were possible.’

The injection of fifty points takes Tottenham Hotspur from the very bottom of the Premier League to the very top, where they are now 32 points clear of Chelsea on 52 points with only 7 games played. They are now well poised to become this year’s premiership winners gaining automatic qualification for the Champions League. Other clubs have complained against what they claim is unfair treatment for one particular club and say the junior minister of sport who announced the injection of points is a well known Spurs supporter who has acted without any authority of consultation with government colleagues. The Junior Minister would not discuss this accusation at a press conference saying only ‘Shut it Gooner! We would have nationalized the North Bank if they hadn’t already flogged it off!’