How to be a Great Sidekick (A Father’s Day Post)

Hello out there, fellow Heart Dads! As we roll into Father’s Day weekend I didn’t want to let time fly by without dropping a post specifically for all the amazing Heart Dads out there. You’re the reason for this blog and the reason it stays going!

We all know by now that our Heart Warriors are amazing: brave, courageous, fearless, strong, tough, etc. They’re nothing short of superheroes:

I don’t know about you, but Nolan inspires me on the regular with what he’s been able to accomplish in spite of all the challenges he’s had to face. He’s a generally happy kid (when he’s getting his way), he’s extremely loving (like, face-crushingly loving), and he’s super smart. But you know what they say: every good superhero needs a good sidekick.

Think about it…Batman had Robin:

Sherlock Holmes (ok, ok, he’s more protagonist than superhero but whatevs) had Watson:

And who can’t forget my fav sidekick Chewbacca?

So then, who plays sidekick to the Heart Warriors? Guess what: it’s YOU, Heart Dad! So how can you be an epic-level sidekick? Let’s check it out:

Be Brave

Let’s face it – and you know this by now – the Heart Dad’s job is not for the weak or the cowardly. Is it hard? Absolutely…really, really hard. But you know what else is hard? Being on the receiving end of all those surgeries. I can’t imagine what it’s like for our kiddos…they go through so much and a lot of times the best thing we can do for them is to just summon every ounce of bravery we have and be strong for them. Tell them it’s going to be ok, tell them you’re there. Being brave doesn’t mean a lack of fear, it’s facing the fear and pressing forward. Yes, being brave is hard…but if your kid can do it, so can you: let them be your inspiration. Being brave doesn’t mean to have a lack of emotion, rather I think it’s more brave to admit that you’re afraid or to admit when things are difficult, so don’t be ashamed! The bravery you need is right there inside of you!

Be Strong

The famous sidekicks we all know and love are strong in a variety of ways: some are physically strong, some are smart, etc. The strength I’m talking about here has nothing to do with how much you can bench press. Rather, I’m talking about being strong in mind: take care of yourself during this long, difficult journey. Know when you’re struggling. Practice mindfulness and don’t be afraid to seek help…please take the time to read my post on mental health to find out how to take care of your mind as a heart parent. You also need to be strong in spirit. I don’t think this is necessarily a religious thing, though I do recognize that faith and spirituality are very important to many of your and is important to being strong in spirit. But I would also encourage you to be empathetic: put yourself in others’ shoes, or reach out to help those who are where you have already been. Practice kindness: it’s so impactful to do something for others when you’re going through a tough time yourself. Be grateful: when times get tough, write down the things you’re grateful for. Find something you love to do, whether it’s writing, playing music, cooking, fishing, whatever. Let that feed your spirit.

And, ok, yes…sometimes you do need to be physically strong too:

Have a Catchphrase

You know which sidekick we’re talking about here, right? Robin, the boy wonder. Dude was totally known for his catchphrases back in the day: “Holy ______, Batman!” Can you believe there’s an entire wikipedia article entitled “List of Exclamations by Robin”?! Hilarious stuff, read it here on your own. My favorite? “Holy unrefillable prescriptions, Batman!” Ah…so relate-able.

But no, I’m not saying you actually have to have a catchphrase (though I don’t discourage it). What I’m saying here is that to be a good sidekick for your superhero, you’ll need to speak up whenever it’s necessary. Got questions when you’re in the hospital? Ask. Something doesn’t feel/look/seem right? Say something. Think your kid’s doctor isn’t cutting it? Ask for another one. The voice of a Heart Parent is a powerful one, because while the clinicians are the expert in care, you’re the expert in your own child. You do have a say.

Do you want to see CHDs eradicated in the future? Speak up – be an advocate? Don’t know how? Visit the Pediatric Congenital Heart Association to learn how: while you can visit DC and speak with your representatives, calls and emails/letters are just as powerful. If you’re one of my readers and you live in the U.S., you know that healthcare coverage is a massive issue right now, and no matter what you believe politically, you know that you have a critically-ill child that needs good coverage, not coverage that will be dropped due to a pre-existing condition. If you want to fight for that, then speak up! Use your powerful, Heart Dad voice to support your Heart Warrior!

Always Be There

A superhero isn’t gonna drag along a sidekick if they’re a burden. They keep them on the team because they’re dependable, strong, and always willing to help. That’s exactly what you need to be. Yes, the journey is long and tough and it’s filled with bouts of confusion and anger and frustration, but at the end of the day your hero cannot fight this fight alone. He or she needs their sidekick…they need you. And they don’t just need you at the hospital or in the doctor’s office…they need you at home. Get on the floor and play, eat dinner together, give lots and lots of hugs and positive affirmation. They need you at school: read to/with them, be invested in their education, go to the freakin’ school plays…ALL OF THEM. They need you out in the world: take them to see the world, do stuff with them, smile and run and laugh, make memories!

At the end of the day, when your Heart Warrior grows up, you’re not going to want them to look at you and say, “You know what Dad, you were a great {insert job title here}”….what I want to hear is, “You know what Dad…you’re always there for me. You’re a great sidekick.”

I want to wish all the Heart Dads out there a very happy Father’s Day! I hope you have a really special day with your families, with lots of hugs and love.

I have just read your article on being a heart dad . For me it started last year when our baby was born with a co arctation of the aorta and massive VSD ( hole in the heart) we spent around 2 month in intensive care where Riley proved doctors wrong every step of the way. Even when they had given up hope we hadn’t and he proved them wrong. He ended up having nine operations and is now 11 months old and is fighting fit. We have been home since the beginning of the year but I’ll be totally honest my head is a mess . I can’t stop thinking about things he had to go through and certainly havnt faced my feelings as I bottled them up. Being a heart dad is tough . Very tough . Some people just expect you to be ok as your the man . This is wrong Z I’ve struggled every step of the way and it’s only now that I’ve realised that. You have inspired me . You truly have . Please let me know how things are . JohnTylersdaddy2010@hotmail.co.uk

Hey John, thanks so much for your comment: it really means a lot to me that this blog has helped you out. I’m happy to hear Riley is home with you and doing well. This journey has it’s ups and downs, and often those downs come out of nowhere. Keep your head up and don’t be afraid to reach out when you need someone to talk to!