I think if he breaks it off than the friend is best never knowing about any of this. Nothing still has really happened between APS and this girl. Drunk make-out sessions don't really mean jack IMO, they haven't banged, haven't talked about a relationship, just both kind of exchanged that they have slight feelings for each other but it seems like they are good enough friends already it would be possible to slip back into the friendship kinda deal they previously had without much problems.

Roomie finding out would only create unnecessary tension between him and APS.

one of the bad parts is, you can never bring her over and more than likely you may not be able to get some at her place, so what's the true worth of that relationship?

That makes no sense. Hypothetically, if they did start seeing each other the roomie would have most likely already OK'ed it. It might be a little awkward to bring her over at first but that will wear off. Also this guy was this girls friend when she was still with her ex. He's probably got used to the fact he wasn't getting any from her then, no reason he can't get used to it again. Even if she is in the same house.

That makes no sense. Hypothetically, if they did start seeing each other the roomie would have most likely already OK'ed it. It might be a little awkward to bring her over at first but that will wear off. Also this guy was this girls friend when she was still with her ex. He's probably got used to the fact he wasn't getting any from her then, no reason he can't get used to it again. Even if she is in the same house.

Why can't he get any at her place though?

I doubt the guy would actually be ok with it even if he said he was. He was in love with the girl while she was dating another guy and had his eyes on her. The only way he would get over it would be, like you said, time.

I doubt he would be able to get some at her place is because if her roommate is a female, which is typical, than they're usually bitches about these type of things.

I doubt the guy would actually be ok with it even if he said he was. He was in love with the girl while she was dating another guy and had his eyes on her. The only way he would get over it would be, like you said, time.

I doubt he would be able to get some at her place is because if her roommate is a female, which is typical, than they're usually bitches about these type of things.

He's in uni bra, everyone's banging. The girls roomie will be probably banging next dude in her room while APS is taking care of his girl.

As long as this girl ain't a screamer, or she got a creeky ass bad, there will not be a problem.

I can't believe I'm actually posting in this thread, but I'm at a loss for places to go about such things. I seem to have worked my way into a bit of a pickle, and I feel as though to properly explain my situation you need to understand several points:

A) Its been approximately two months since I was crushed by a breakup. That didn't tickle. I'm sufficiently angry to be over the situation but it's still kind of lingering.

B) My roommate recently told me he was moving in with his girlfriend and that meant I had to find a new roommate. I did easily, and the guy I'm moving in with in May is a good friend of mine and I'm stoked for the situation as it has the potential for hilarity and good times all around.

C) This is where **** gets tricky. My soon to be roommate has been in love with this girl since our first year in University, which was 3 years ago. She's a good friend of mine who I've always found attractive and who I've always gotten along with, but as the man code states she was strictly off limits due to my buddy being head over heels for her. During the time he was in love with her, she had a long term boyfriend. Recently, she broke up with her long term boyfriend and everyone within my group of friends figured it wouldn't be long before her and my friend got together. Turns out, he's too deep into the friend zone to get out and she doesn't view him that way anymore. He's upset by it but he starts seeing this other girl casually and while it appears he's over it, there are most definitely some lingering feelings there. As of Saturday morning, that was the situation and I was perfectly fine with being her friend and his friend and everyone's friend really.

D) And here's the part where I **** it up. On Saturday, a bunch of people end up getting drunk at her place and of course her and I end up in a room alone where she tells me she thinks she may be developing feelings of some kind. I had ingested some intoxicating substances and may or may not have initiated the kissing that followed. Things didn't really go any further then that because her roommate walked in, but later she told me this isn't the first time we had done that and we had already fooled around on my birthday but I was too drunk to remember. Not a good way to end the evening. Anyways, her and I agree it isn't in anyone's best interest to pursue it, but now...I dunno, her and I have been talking and all of a sudden everything is different. She's absolutely the kind of girl I could get into, but I just can't help but feel stupid guilty about the entire situation. So now I don't know whether to pursue her and risk pissing off my future roommate, let it die and miss an opportunity with a pretty cool chick, or just pretend I was too drunk to remember and ignore the issue until it blows up in my face.

Just ONE time I want to be the good guy. Once.

EDIT: It's only after re-reading that that I realize just how high school it sounds. TV has finally ruined my with years of melodrama. GOD DAMN YOU DEGRASSI!

I have read everyone’s responses, and they are relatively in line with what I think. However, I don’t think you should be rushing back into anything at this juncture. It has nothing to do with your friend liking a girl for years and all that crap. You are 2 months past what appears to be a pretty traumatic breakup. You admit yourself that you’re angry about the situation, and it’s kind of lingering. Flat out, you yourself told us that you aren’t ready to pursue another serious relationship. If you rush into this next situation with a girl you think has potential and is awesome for you, you are going to bring your baggage with you, and the past issues will risk blowing up this situation in your face. If that’s the case, you have chased away what you claim is a great girl and risked a friendship over the situation.

Next, you are in college, so being intoxicated is part of the equation. I’m not sure how well you even know this girl really. You get piss drunk and make out with her, but you barely remember. Try to spend some friendly time with her to assess whether she is what you need.

Another worry of mine is that she is also recently out of a long term relationship. She is in a similar position to you in that she might go hot and heavy early, then it will get too “real”, and she’ll pull back and hurt both of you. The best scenario for you guys is to continue to hang out as friends for a little while as you feel out what you want. Have conversations, get to know each other better. See if you really click as people outside of a drunken party situation. One on one time is key. Remember, you want to tread carefully due to the breakup situation + your buddy’s feelings.

Getting to your friend: He pined after the girl for 3 years, and she knew she could have him, and she said no. He is dating someone else. He is getting over this girl. He is starting a new relationship, perhaps. You gave him his shot with her. Now, you should take a few weeks/month to hang out with her to see if you want to escalate from friends to dating. If you decide this is the route you want to take, you need to come clean to your buddy before you escalate. You need to tell him the truth about your feelings. Admit that it is an awkward situation, but show him the respect he deserves. Since he had his shot and isn’t her bf, he doesn’t have a right to tell you to back off. That doesn’t mean he has to like it. And, for the early part of your relationship, spend more time with her away from home, so you’re not rubbing it in his face. Interaction will return to normal at some point. And, if he’s a dick about it, that just speaks to his character.

Overall message: Take your time, communicate appropriately with all parties, and enjoy the ride.

I would start off by just having a man talk with your buddy. Tell him you've kinda started getting feelings for this chick, he's dating chick B now, and you want to know if he'll be upset if you pursue it as you'd rather have him as a roommate then date her if it comes down to choosing.

I also agree that you're both in position to be looking for a rebound and that it could make it very difficult for a long term thing but great for a short term relationship. Then again, is it worth endangering your roommate situation for a great short-term relationship?

Step A is talking to your buddy. If you give him an easy way to voice his displeasure over it and he doesn't, go for it.

Actually, my advice was in reverse for a reason. No need to upset the friend over something that he might not actually want. I wanted him to spend some time with her sober and 1 on 1 to see if it's even worth going for. Once you are ready to take that step, then talk to your friend. Why create a fight with your bro and roommate if you don't have to?

It wasn't just a drunk thing. Well I mean the actual hooking up part was, but she's been a good friend of mine for 3 years, so I know her pretty well. Very cool girl, great taste, more cute then sexy but not in a bad way because it really suits her as a person. I just never really thought of her as an option because everyone within my group of friends just kind of assumed my friend and her would get together if she ever ended things with her boyfriend. Of course that never happened, and this new shift has put things in a new perspective. I was a bit blindsided because I didn't really know she had those intentions at all.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr. Goosemahn

The APS is strong in this one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by killxswitch

Tears for Fears is better than whatever it is you happen to be thinking about right now.

It wasn't just a drunk thing. Well I mean the actual hooking up part was, but she's been a good friend of mine for 3 years, so I know her pretty well. Very cool girl, great taste, more cute then sexy but not in a bad way because it really suits her as a person. I just never really thought of her as an option because everyone within my group of friends just kind of assumed my friend and her would get together if she ever ended things with her boyfriend. Of course that never happened, and this new shift has put things in a new perspective. I was a bit blindsided because I didn't really know she had those intentions at all.

Likelihood is that she saw you as a potential new partner before she broke up with her last bf. You didn't see it bc you're a guy and guys need to be hit over the head repeatedly to catch even a subtle cue from a female. You also weren't going to hit on a friend who was involved with someone else and a girl who your buddy was in love with.

The one thing I am curious about: Are you into her now because she is into you or were you always into her and now her being into you makes her more interesting?

My advice remains the same. Spend time with her alone without getting physical and really get to see how you guys work. Make sure this is something you really want and are willing to risk your friendship over. Not only your relationship with her but possibly the relationship with your good friend and roommate. If you're willing to take those risks, then go for it full bore. Just take the time to make sure.

It wasn't just a drunk thing. Well I mean the actual hooking up part was, but she's been a good friend of mine for 3 years, so I know her pretty well. Very cool girl, great taste, more cute then sexy but not in a bad way because it really suits her as a person. I just never really thought of her as an option because everyone within my group of friends just kind of assumed my friend and her would get together if she ever ended things with her boyfriend. Of course that never happened, and this new shift has put things in a new perspective. I was a bit blindsided because I didn't really know she had those intentions at all.

Be very careful. Getting involved with friends can get incredibly messy. Especially when another friend is also into her.

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I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

So theres this girl.. lets call her Kacie.. and we've been friends on and off for about 2 years now. We were "talking" about a year ago but things just didnt work out, she worked 2 jobs and was in college, i worked full time, so things just kinda crashed and burned. She's exactly the kind of girl I'd date, shes a sports freak, gets so into games like I do, watches the NFL draft and never misses a single falcons game. We started "talking" again but the whole no having time to hang out thing is still in effect.. Should i be patient? or move on?

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Sig by BK

“They have one guy, he’s pretty short. But he can go out and play. He can be a little aggravating too.’’ -- Joe Flacco talking about Brent Grimes.

So theres this girl.. lets call her Kacie.. and we've been friends on and off for about 2 years now. We were "talking" about a year ago but things just didnt work out, she worked 2 jobs and was in college, i worked full time, so things just kinda crashed and burned. She's exactly the kind of girl I'd date, shes a sports freak, gets so into games like I do, watches the NFL draft and never misses a single falcons game. We started "talking" again but the whole no having time to hang out thing is still in effect.. Should i be patient? or move on?

Tend to agree. As soon as a chick can't find time for me at least once or twice a week, I give up. Doesn't matter how into her I am or what, just think of it in reverse; if you really like this chick would you find a way to spend time with her? I've worked 90+ hour a week jobs and found time for friends.

Tend to agree. As soon as a chick can't find time for me at least once or twice a week, I give up. Doesn't matter how into her I am or what, just think of it in reverse; if you really like this chick would you find a way to spend time with her? I've worked 90+ hour a week jobs and found time for friends.

It sucks but not worth you putting in effort if she ain't.

yeah thats true :/

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Sig by BK

“They have one guy, he’s pretty short. But he can go out and play. He can be a little aggravating too.’’ -- Joe Flacco talking about Brent Grimes.

Tend to agree. As soon as a chick can't find time for me at least once or twice a week, I give up. Doesn't matter how into her I am or what, just think of it in reverse; if you really like this chick would you find a way to spend time with her? I've worked 90+ hour a week jobs and found time for friends.

It sucks but not worth you putting in effort if she ain't.

Ya, I know if I'm just eh on a girl I'll only try to see her once every few weeks. I'll keep talking to her just so I can call her up if I don't have anything better to do. That's what it sounds like is happening to him.

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I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

Ya, I know if I'm just eh on a girl I'll only try to see her once every few weeks. I'll keep talking to her just so I can call her up if I don't have anything better to do. That's what it sounds like is happening to him.

haha yeah im starting to think that too.. well, i have a date with her tonight so wish me luck guys!

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Sig by BK

“They have one guy, he’s pretty short. But he can go out and play. He can be a little aggravating too.’’ -- Joe Flacco talking about Brent Grimes.