Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 1:23 am Post subject: I need some advice and help with what steps I need to make

Ok...have some popcorn ready because this is going to take awhile...

I am a 21yr old single mother of one son (5 1/2 months old) and live in California. I attend college (I have been going there for a little over a year and my career path is being a veterinarian), work at the college, go to church, and parenting classes (not because I have too but I want too). I have taken care of my son and paid for everything from the day he was born. Even though I am on TANF, I am only on it temporarily (until Aug.) because when I was on MAternity leave and couldn't continue work even though I was getting temporary disability because I worked up until 2 weeks before I gave birth to my son, I needed some help with paying the bills until my Financial Aid comes through. My gpa is usually..always..above a 3.0 because I take schooling very seriously.

The dad...wow...people always ask why I had sex with him in the first place. He was a good friend while I knew him at the college, but it wasn't til I actually lived with him (first two months of pregnancy) that I actually got to really "know" him.

Ok..here is the scoop about him.

He is 22yrs old. He has always lived with his parents and never had a job. He is wiccan which scare me because I'm christian. He has anger problems, plays video games all day, doesn't know how to put his priorities in order, disrespects his own family, and dresses like he is gothic which I find pretty hilarious. He puts on this good front with his clothes but is like a scared chihuahua behind clothes door.

The Family Law attorny came by the parenting class I attend every week, a few days ago to answer any questions we might of had. Believe me, I had a whole story to tell. I asked,

"What if he doesn't pay child support?"

She responded, "They will take away his drivers license"

"Ok. Well what if he doesn't have a driverse license?"

"Well, you are pretty much in the same boat as sarah, where the father of her baby is "not legal" in the US."

I couldn't help but chuckle to myself and respond, "I guess there is no hope then" LOL..Just trying to make light of the situation.

Back to the topic.

Today, I went to Family Law since C.S.S is not moving fast enough or even at all. My son is almost 6 months now and C.S.S hasn't done anything. So, now, I'm taking it into my own hands.

They gave me A LOT of paperwork (almost an inch thick). When I started reading through it, there was barely any of it...where it looked like I could fill out. A lot of seemed like it was for court use only. Tomorrow, I am going there to have an attorney help me fill everything out and tell me which paperwork documents to file.

The father has only seen his son 3 times since he was born. He only came by because his dad ordered him to come over because at the time, the dad of my sons father (grandfather so to speak) was helping out here and there..barely anything..but it was SOMETHING...and he only came to give me what little his dad gave him to give me....

He doesn't care about his son. He doesn't even love him. You would think he would WANT to come and see his son but no...nothing. I'm not that big on "Child Support" (Only talking about in my case specifically) because I don't "need" that. A father isn't defined as someone who pays so much every month or is genetically their "father". A father is someone who loves their children to the upmost degree and will direct them in the right direction. In the beginning, I WANTED him to be that "father" to his son. But..JAMEs needs a father and not some guy who chooses to come and go every few months. He started banging on my door for an hour a week ago. Why? wHO knows. I personally didn't care. I am the one who has taken care of James since he was born. I LOVE him more than the world and will do ANYTHING to prevent him from any harm and hurt. He diserves the best and not some person where we as society have to classify as a "human being" whom has no feelings and no heart. The father banged on the door..for that long..that one day to just...slip that oh so familiar 20$ through the door slip. Did he want to see James? Maybe. But I don't care. As a mother, I have every right to not answer that door. I am doing this for James welfare and not my own. I am literally petrified of the mere thought of JAmes being alone with him. He will probably leave him somewhere, forget about him, or neglect him. He is that type of person. Something the courts, as always, will not consider. I have been envolved in the court since I was very young because my parents got a divorce when I was 4yrs old. In most cases, the courts don't care. It has always been about what the law says and not about what is really right for the child. This is just going by personal experience and reading all the paperwork that I did that I received from the court today to fill out and file. I understand that a father has his rights. But there should be something to over ride that if that father is not "fit" to even look after an infant and take care of it properly (also if the safety of the child is in question IF the father does get visitation).

My family is really supportive about everything. They know who the father of my son is and agrees with me on everything (on how I view him and what I think should happen, legally).

If one only knew the whole story...

Anyways....

If anyone has read this far I commend you. lol.

What I am filing for with the court tomorrow is..

-To have the Judge ORDER the dad to look for work. Meaning the dad would have to come in on an often basis to show proof (paperwork signed by employers saying he actually applied,etc)
-Child Support

I'm going to put off Child Custody for now. Because with that, comes visitation and I...will do everything I can to prevent that due to the mere fact that having James even NEAR the dad..is harmful/not safe (for many reasons). UNtil I "HAVE" to let him see James (by the court) I have every right to not answer the door or let him see him (main reason..because we never went to court..until now...only because I'm moving everything forward and having him ordered to look for work, ETC (from the court).

And if he doesn't show to a court date, from my recolection (in my certain case) they will mail him a summins to go to Jail. I still have to go through this whole stressful process of filing all the paperwork and having him served (which is a task in itself because even though he lives with his parents..he is always out with his friends..partying..doing witch craft stuff..ETC ETC ETC ETC...and is only home..maybe 1 or 2 days out of the week) by a friend because having a sheriff do it will take longer (from what I hear) and I don't have time..

He just needs to get his act together and stop pretending like he doesn't have a son. He needs to realize that life is not some video game/fantasy. He doesn't know what's coming to him...soon. The dad's father (mexican or not) should have kicked him out months ago. His dad is not doing him any good if he keeps letting him stay there...and bum off them all the time..

Whatever..the sad part about this is that he doesn't even love his son. James diserves a GOOD father and not someone who thinks they can come in and out of his life every few months. I don't care. I gave him that option and he didn't take it. The ball is now in my court and I will do everything I can, as a mom, to keep it there....

Have to get some sleep. I have to go to sphycology class tomorrow at 9am, have to get up at 6 sO i CAN get James ready for Daycare..but I mainly wrote this entry..to receive some advice what I can do...and if he does get visitation...can I make it supervised? That's the ONLY way I will let it happen. And if there are any laws that are not really "known" to the public....but ones that can protect the children from the dad in certain cases? Or anything...

Until my next entry. Take care

Regards.

SingleMother86

Ps. you are probably wondering..if I don't care about receiving child support...why am I going for that...plus other things as well. I don't care if I receive a penny..as long as he is paying..SOMEONE..the county in this case..child support so he can understand that this is not something he can just forget about and something hee NEEDS to pay for. How he needs to work..and the judge to order it...even when he doesn't want too...he is 22yrs old and needs to grow up and make STEPS in his life to be a GOOD father.

Child support is not for you... it is for the child... why should you do without it and your child not have more then he could????

File with Family court for support. If he didn't sign the affidavit for paternity at birth, then you will have to get that proven which is very easy... you and the baby and the dad get your mouth's sabbed and then in about 6 weeks you go back to court and the judge says paternity is established... and he will be put on the birth certificate... at that point, you will need to set up support... if dad isn't working, then he will be ordered to get a job... he may be given 30 days to get a job and have job reporting... where he will have to take a court document with him to every place he applies too and have the employer fill it out that he came in and either applied or interviewed...

you will go back to court and support will be set up even if it is set at minimum wage which is now 8.00 an hour... he will also be responsible for half of the daycare and medical expenses...

if you don't need the money then bank whatever money you get so that you have it for a rainy day... Not to mention that he will have to pay back support from the day that you filed... not the day that it is ordered.

The only reason why I wouldn't get most of the child support, when he does infact pay for it; is because on on General Assistance and since I'm on that I would only get $50.00/month (which is nothing!) and the welfare office gets the rest of it. I don't agree with it but who am I to say otherwise?

We already did a paternity test, not one made for the court but the day "questioned" him being the father which is stupid and I don't think that's true, he just wanted to say anything to get out of it. So I slapped him down with a paternity test because I'm not some slut who sleeps around. I never usually have sex and he was the one person I had intercourse that entire year. He wanted to do it the "ghetto" way and do it through Rite Aid and the brand of the paternity test was "Identigene". Both me and him went through this process before and waited awhile for the results. I already knew who the father was, I just wanted him to be at the point where he couldn't rub that in my face. So..like I knew..he was the biological father. I can go on the Identigene website and print out the results but I will not go through this again with paternity testing when now, he will not deny that James is his son to the court because he is in the position where he can't lie anymore...atleast not about his own child when I have a document (well...printed out paperwork from the Identigene website) stating he is the biological father)

I'm going to the court house at 1pm and will probably be there until 4pm. I tried filling out the packets last night but was so confused on what was mine to fill out and what was left for the court to fill out. I can see in a lot of papers that I wasn't suppose to be feeling that section out and I just didn't know what areas I was allowed to complete. They (the attorneys there) said they will help me go through the whole packet and help me fill it out and tell me what papers need to be filed,etc...today..so everything will get filed today.

And when i say "when I receive child support"..I mean James but I physically well get it..but it's for me to spend on James. James cant just go walk up and say.."Hi..I'm here to pick up child support". Even though I will spend it toward him, "I" will get it..not spend it on myself..but I'm only person they will hand the check too. But that's if "James" ever gets child support....