(Also, do most people actually have to clean before people come over? When I didn't have a cleaning lady, that was me, but now that my place is cleaned regularly, it's not like I have to do anything extra.)

Yes, most people have to clean their own homes. I don't think the majority of people have a cleaner.

But nice little brag there.

I don't have a cleaner and I don't have to clean my house before people come over. "Clean" is a mostly perpetual state in my house.

I have clean and then I have "company clean".

I could (almost) always have someone in my house, assuming I haven't been working every day & night. It's clean but the floor won't have been freshly vacuumed, there will be mail or other daily clutter lying around, and I'm sure cat will left some fur somewhere. Nothing major but just general signs of habitation.

But before hosting there are lines in the carpet, the kitchen is mopped, all clutter is hidden away, and the cats are forbidden from shedding.

Granted, DH and I are not in our 60s, but general housework and cooking is split among those in our household. That's the way it was in my family growing up as well. If the wives have been doing all of the cooking and cleaning over the years, that is their prerogative. But if they haven't, I highly doubt their husbands are suddenly going to force the wives to do all the cooking and cleanng for this particular event simply because the organizer says so. This really is a relationship issue, as I see it.

That's why I think the whether or not the wife stays in the home or prepares snacks for the group should be between the wife and the member of the group instead of according to the group's rules. Maybe some the member's wives are okay with it, but what if other wives are not? I wouldn't want other members dictating whether or not I get to stay in my own home (or make snacks for them and vamoose) while they're over, just because their wives are okay with it.

It's up to the group, as a group, to set the rules. If all the other members are letting one guy decide the rules and going along with them, then they are still, in effect, setting the rules as a group. If a member of the group has an objection to one of the rules, he can speak up and try to sway the rest of the group to his side.

But this change, if it indeed does get accepted by the group, has to be agreed to before it goes into effect. So this one couple can't just break the rule because they've decided they don't like it. The husband either has to convince the rest of the group to change the rule (at which time, the wife can then choose to stay at home during the meetings) or he can drop out or he can stay in and abide by the rule (and the wife has to vacate).

(Also, do most people actually have to clean before people come over? When I didn't have a cleaning lady, that was me, but now that my place is cleaned regularly, it's not like I have to do anything extra.)

Yes, most people have to clean their own homes. I don't think the majority of people have a cleaner.

But nice little brag there.

Isn't it, though. Kind of a variation on "excuse the mess, the cleaning lady comes tomorrow." Why mention it at all, let alone twice, if it's not to highlight that you have a cleaner?

Isn't it, though. Kind of a variation on "excuse the mess, the cleaning lady comes tomorrow." Why mention it at all, let alone twice, if it's not to highlight that you have a cleaner?

It seems this has hit a nerve with some people. The way I see it, it is simply part of the context. When I mention that I drove my car somewhere, I am not bragging about owning a car, even though I know not everyone has a car. If I am upset because I lost a diamond earring, I am not bragging that I own diamond earrings, I am providing context for why I would be more upset than if I had lost an earring that cost $3.

I don't think the group *does* dictate it. I think that assuming this is the case is assuming something that's not visible in the evidence.

I re-read the letter, and it looks to me that the group leader definitely makes it a rule and the rest of the group consents to it.

I too re-read the letter, and it looks to me as if the letter writer is the one drawing the conclusion with "Therefore" (much the way -you- did in one of your posts).

I am just going by the information with which the letter writer presented. I can only go by her side of the story. This is just the way I interpreted the situation, so I guess I just read it differently than you did. I'm not trying to necessarily to "draw conclusions", just engage conversation.

(Also, do most people actually have to clean before people come over? When I didn't have a cleaning lady, that was me, but now that my place is cleaned regularly, it's not like I have to do anything extra.)

Yes, most people have to clean their own homes. I don't think the majority of people have a cleaner.

But nice little brag there.

Isn't it, though. Kind of a variation on "excuse the mess, the cleaning lady comes tomorrow." Why mention it at all, let alone twice, if it's not to highlight that you have a cleaner?

Well, the 2nd mention was simply to explain why I'd mentioned it in the first place.

And for the record, I don't consider having a cleaning lady to be particularly unusual, or brag-worthy. Cleaning ladies are sort of basic in my community. If anything, it's proof that I'm such a crappy housecleaner that I have to hire someone else to do it.

Isn't it, though. Kind of a variation on "excuse the mess, the cleaning lady comes tomorrow." Why mention it at all, let alone twice, if it's not to highlight that you have a cleaner?

It seems this has hit a nerve with some people. The way I see it, it is simply part of the context. When I mention that I drove my car somewhere, I am not bragging about owning a car, even though I know not everyone has a car. If I am upset because I lost a diamond earring, I am not bragging that I own diamond earrings, I am providing context for why I would be more upset than if I had lost an earring that cost $3.

For me it was kinda a disconnect that what is true for poster A doesn't mean it is true for every other poster. Her confusion about why others need to clean when she has a cleaning lady and doesn't need to seem sweird.

I do try to keep the house clean but I have pets so I always make it a point to vacuum before guests come over - especially the couch and chairs. And I also like to make sure the dishwasher is empty so I can just fill it when people leave. I consider that "cleaning before guests come".