I had my Andy Rooney moment last week regarding holiday commercials and commercialism. This week I want to share some treats with you, rather than more grinchy grumblings. Since we don’t have the technology to tlog (taste blog) just yet I can’t share the toffee and gingerbread men (courtesy of Becoming Cliche’s recipe) I’m making.

What I have for you today are a few of the PG-rated search engine terms that have led people to our blog. These are phrases or words some internet-inept people typed into Google, and after scrolling through what I imagine were 137 legitimate or helpful links, came to our blog and thought, “This is it!”

We are re-gifting these little gems to you:

beard porn: No doubt Patrick’s beard looks hot, but this is not that type of website! One does wonder what beard porn is, but like I said, this is not that type of site.

birthing in the wild: I’m taking this as a sign from the Universe that this should be my birthing plan if we conceive. Done. I’m just running straight to the woods when my water breaks.

alligator turkey: Something you don’t want to run into when birthing in the wild. Do we have to worry about alligator-turkeys? Is this a thing?

sad chimp photos: Aw, why are you looking for sad chimps?

creepy place to get married: I would like to make some suggestions: your mom’s attic, a crypt, your mom’s basement, your ex-spouse’s crypt, basement, or attic — especially if you didn’t get permission first.

chihuahua’s: Is this like Mad Libs? Am I supposed to guess what the chihuahua possesses? chihuahua’s… pink nail polish? football chew toy? prison bitch is a great dane?