the roller coaster journey of raising autistic kids

Today is World Autism Awareness Day. As for now, when it’s 6:35 pm, I can assure you that everyone I know is familiar with what today is all about. You see, I’m a proud autism mama and I’m everything but shy about it – especially not today. I’ve been blasting images and exclamation marks on Facebook to do my part in raising the awareness. I do have bigger news though, but as I’m about to be interviewed by Autism Live in just a few moments, I really don’t have the time to tell you about it right now. However, I promise that I will later today so please check in again.

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It’s been approximately one and a half year since our world turned upside down – since we learned that our boys are autistic. It sure has been a roller coaster ride. Emotionally, we’ve delved into the darkest corners of the human mind and then slowly reemerged back up into the sunshine. We still go up and down but the roller coaster is slowly changing from one of those crazy roller coasters where people feel dizzy just looking at them to something a bit more innocent, a bit more manageable. And it seems as if the general direction is upwards of late.

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Since I last posted the Holidays have come and gone and it’s 2013 already! How fast time flies. I guess a “Happy New Year” wish is in order. The year 2012 was eventful to say the least but I have to admit that I was not sad to say goodbye to it and welcome a new year – a new beginning. Looking back, for me I feel that 2012 was an uphill struggle most of the way. Sure, it had its ups (this picture representing one of them), but overall I feel that it was a pretty tough year. I am, however, much more optimistic for the coming year. I can feel that it’s going to be a great year!

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I sometimes feel like I’m trying to be everything for everyone and that I’m slowly but steadily running out of energy. I fear that soon, there’ll be nothing left to give if this continues. Do you ever feel this way? That’s why I find this image so appealing – because it states the truth.

Today, there was a family get-together. The boys had been with my mother all day and she took them there. I came a bit later and as always, my boys gave me a warm welcome when they saw me. I had been looking forward to meeting everyone as I hadn’t met all of them since we moved back to Iceland. It was nice to see everyone, especially the kids who’ve grown so big since last time I was in Iceland. I think they were also glad to see us, particularly because most of them haven’t seen us in a very long time – most of them, not since we learned that the boys were autistic.

As I said in my last post: “There Is No Place Like Home“, we’ve moved back to Iceland at last. And although we do miss some dear people we met, we haven’t regretted the decision for a single second. This was absolutely the right thing to do. However, it’s been crazy crazy busy. And not just since we got back but also for a very long time before that. So very busy that there is this feeling of exhaustion hanging over me, not quite taking over but still lingering, threatening to do so if I’m not careful. And it’s my fault really, because I was optimistic enough to really think I could do it all. Well, I guess I overestimated my abilities!

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Well ladies and gentlemen, our Denmark chapter is over and we have officially moved to the beautiful land of ice and fire. Yes, we are back in Iceland at last! Not that Denmark isn’t lovely in its own way. It is. And we were lucky enough to get to know many wonderful people that we had to leave behind. Denmark also taught us some life changing lessons, such as how important family is, how it’s possible to live four people in a tiny apartment with one bedroom and make it work, how amazing it is to be able to bike everywhere you go without arriving in a hazy pool of sweat, and for me personally, to calculate the time of travel into the equation of being on time! So sure, Denmark has a lot to offer. But there’s no place like home.

It’s been a year today since you let your presence known and changed our lives forever. I won’t lie, getting the verdict was a tremendous shock and it didn’t get easier when we realized, soon after, that not only did JA have autism but also his younger brother, V. For days we were in complete denial and disbelief. For weeks we were devastated, grieving the loss of our sons’ future we had imagined. We didn’t give you the warmest welcome – rather the opposite. We were angry with you for choosing our boys as targets. We hated your presence and for a long time, we had nothing but negative feelings towards you. I think it’s safe to say that we were not prepared for your appearance but I guess it has something to do with your bad reputation. Fortunately, we’ve come to learn that your reputation is grossly exaggerated.

There is nothing more exciting than summer vacation. For months you see it as a mirage, the light at the end of the tunnel, the reward for your hard work during the long dark winter – and you can’t wait for it to come. As it gets closer, you start counting the weeks, the days, the minutes, while dreaming about how you are going to lay in the sun, enjoy some piece and quite and just relax. Ah… relax! How amazing it will be. And then, at last, the first day of summer vacation is upon you. At last, some piece and quiet. And then your kids jump onto the bed.