Fatherhood Guide: Discipline

In this segment of our fatherhood guide, we’re going to tackle the issue of discipline.

Discipline is a challenging area of parenting for any father, and for good reason: discipline is one of the most difficult aspects in all of parenting. There are many schools of discipline, from the corporal to the psychological, but they all require balancing along a fine line. If you discipline your child too severely, it could leave the little guy crying his eyes out and you suffering waves of guilt. At the other end of the spectrum, if you’re too lenient and don’t discipline firmly enough, your child could turn into a brat who doesn’t obey other adults, including teachers and neighbors.

With that in mind, let’s be clear about one thing: nobody disciplines perfectly and you shouldn’t believe anyone who claims that they do.

We’ve attempted to address discipline as it relates to children of all ages, but the following article will most likely be most helpful to fathers of children under the age of 10.

The father’s role in discipline

Traditionally, in homes with working fathers and stay-at-home mothers, the father’s role in discipline was to serve as the final word or the hand of punishment, as in, “Just wait until your father gets home.” Despite the evolving practices of discipline, the father’s purpose for delivering it remains basically the same, which is to cultivate a mature and responsible person who is less prone to throwing fits and less likely to disrespect others along the way. Any father would do well to remember that, before being his child’s buddy or pal, he is the child's father.

Here are some other tips to help fathers use discipline effectively.

Be consistent

It is utterly impossible to be 100% consistent, all of the time. It doesn’t hurt, however, to strive for it while expecting something a bit less than that.

For example, it’s important to keep your emotions even-keeled each time you administer discipline. Children are all about testing your limits and seeing how far they can take something, which is reason No. 1 to stay on top of your emotions and not let them get the better of you. Always aim to portray a sense of calm when disciplining your children.

Additionally, mom and dad should agree on discipline and, above all, they shouldn’t contradict each other in front of the children. When parents appear inconsistent their disciplinary stance is weakened and children will see an opportunity for future exploitation. You have to be smarter than your children. If you find a point of contention, let it ride and discuss it in private. Parents have the right to return to an issue and change the punishment. And if mom insists on vetoing you in front of the kids, she might need a little discipline as well.

Tie actions to consequences

Younger children will not connect their crimes to the discipline as quickly as older children, but you should always try to tie their actions to the consequences, which may involve a bit of explanation — depending on the age.

This also means not attaching unrealistic consequences to the behavior. For example, informing your child that one more outburst will mean that he will never watch TV again is simply unenforceable, and in the long run it compromises you as a disciplinarian.