Adulting.

Now everyone is different, we are all either forced or eased into adulthood at various points in our life. My experience won’t be exactly the same as another’s but they’re all mostly relatable.

Growing up I was forced pretty young to mentally mature, although this didn’t mean in the slightest I was emotionally or physically an adult. I was just a bit more open-minded than others my age who were still worrying about what color pajamas they were going to wear. Hello Kitty or Spongebob? I envy their tough decisions.

This post however refers to that moment when you realize you’ve been thrust into the limelight that is…”adulting”. Also referred to as the most absolute bullshit ever that no one wants to deal with, especially people who have been doing it for awhile.

Adulting consists of doing day to day actions that you have been made aware of that in the grand scheme of things; mean absolutely nothing. This is the slippery slope that leads you down the path of existential crisis. You suddenly have to do things that you not only don’t want to do, but forces you to spend your money. There is no winning.

The best part is, is that unless you are a certain age while adulting you still get treated like a brain-dead gerbil who while on the wheel wonders where he’s going.

Personally, what really gets me riled up is grocery shopping. Oh for the love of god I hate normal shopping much less in a place full of boring shit. You literally go into a box to pay out the ass for food that is essential to your survival. Like, did people forget that we actually need food to live?

So you’re getting things to help you not die, but then there’s the factor of budget. And fun fact the healthier the food is the more expensive it is while ho-ho’s are looking me dead in the eye saying, “Put me in your mouth for only a dollar. I’ll fill the stomach but not the void.”

If I had to put oil in my car I wouldn’t trust something that costed only a dollar so why would I be expected to do that with my body?

Then you have that horrifying moment when you become way too hyper-aware of what you’re doing and you find yourself staring angrily at strangers that are seemingly completely oblivious to the world around them, excluding the beans they’re attempting to select.

After checkout you get this amazing sense of accomplishment that you don’t deserve and you get super pumped about how little money you spent for what you got.

“Yeah Dad, I’m so proud. I got a lot of stuff, like, a lot. For only thirty dollars! Why don’t more people shop the way I do?” It’s the coupon wars all over again until you get home.

You put everything away and stand there extremely confused, didn’t you just buy a ton of food? Yet once put away you hardly notice the difference. Convincing yourself you did get a lot of product you decide to eat a snack – three days later and your pantry looks as bare as the back of your eyelids.