I Wish I Cared But I Don’t!

I noticed something rather interesting last Friday. I did have a debate with myself as to whether or not I should make a post about this; I decided now would be a good time to do it. I’ve had a few days to think about it and I still feel the same way. I take that as a sign to blog about it.

What I’m referring to is about how I think about conversation. Last Friday, I went to Hooters with my friends just to socialize and be in their presence. I was looking forward to being around them, even though I wasn’t going to order anything.

However, once we sat down and began to talk amongst each other, I noticed very quickly how I felt about it. I felt absolutely bored. Completely and utterly bored.

The context for the conversation was that we were talking about Dungeons and Dragons, work stories, and relationships. Particularly, I am not one for Dungeons and Dragons. I do like a good story about one’s experience at work as well as relationship updates. However, these work stories did not intrigue me and I already knew about the relationship being discussed.

Normally, I would entertain these topics with my friends. But with my recent change in persona, I just don’t even find it worth it to play-face. I don’t even care to try and entertain things I don’t care about anymore. Of course, while all of this conversation was going on, I just vacantly smiled and pretended like I cared. I really didn’t but I didn’t want to ruin the mood.

You know, I could have changed the subject so that I would feel enthralled to participate but I didn’t. Anything that I’m interested in talking about is for intimate and private settings, not for a table in the middle of Hooters on a Friday night. I guess that’s the issue with my dilemma: I talk about deeper topics, and often, they cannot be discussed in public. Or, if nothing else, they lead to topics that cannot be discussed in public.

Well, I take wins where I can. I accept that my requests cannot be met in most circumstances (perhaps that’s why I’d rather stay-in with friends and be in their presence?) Still, it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t care about topics that don’t intrigue me. And as an adult in my life now, I won’t even bother to.

Yeah. My tastes are changing. What I don’t care about, I won’t waste time on. I used to try and pretend like I cared but now, I just don’t even want to pretend. I simply don’t like or care about what you’re saying. Sorry! I would rather happily sit vacant with an empty stare, thinking to myself and disconnected from the interaction; my interest is always peaked in my own mind.

In case you’re wondering what I look like when this happens, here you go.

Could I make it anymore obvious? I don’t care. Whatsoever.

So that’s all I had to say. Not sure if you got something out of that, but there you go. Aside from that pessimistic (or assured if you prefer) attitude, I hope you all are doing well.

Until next time, cheers.

Do you pretend to be interested in something you’re not for the sake of friends? Leave all your thoughts below.

It feels that way. In a minute, I’ll just start going home if I’m not interested. Sorry. See you when you’re exciting to me.
But they’re still good people to me. Just now I really would rather make the most of my time feeling happy and fulfilled when with them.