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Mount Wachusett forum aims to dispel 'stigma of depression'

"When you think of suicide, it's the sort of thing you read about in the newspaper, it doesn't happen to you. But it can happen to anyone."
Former state Sen. Bob Antonioni

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GARDNER -- At a Mount Wachusett Community College forum on Tuesday, students gained insight on the difficult topic of suicide from three people who have personally seen its devastating effects.

Two MWCC students hosted a panel discussion, called "One Day at a Time," on campus for students and others to discuss suicide and learn more about suicide prevention.

Students Phil Stan and Stevie LaBelle, who had also organized the forum, moderated the discussion in between speakers. One of the panel speakers was also a Mount Wachusett student, Carrie DeCosta, along with former state Sen. Bob Antonioni and Heywood Hospital representative Michael Ellis.

All three speakers were open and candid about their experiences with depression and suicide, in the hopes of encouraging discussion on these taboo topics.

"When you think of suicide, it's the sort of thing you read about in the newspaper, it doesn't happen to you," Antonioni said. "But it can happen to anyone."

Antonioni, a Leominster attorney and state senator until 2008, said that as much as he wouldn't have expected it, suicide did affect his family. In 1999, he said, his brother John died from suicide.

In the years afterward, Antonioni struggled with depression himself, but was afraid to get the help he needed. Though a doctor recommended he try antidepressants, Antonioni said his public life as an elected official stopped him because he didn't want people to find out.

As his condition failed to improve, he agreed to take medication, but would only pick up his prescriptions at a pharmacy in Acton.

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Even after he started feeling better, Antonioni said it was extremely difficult to talk about his depression.

"There's such a stigma with depression," he said. "It was easier to talk about my brother than about my own depression."

Ultimately, though, he was able to admit to himself and others that his depression had been very serious, and that he had considered suicide as well.

"I don't think my brother ever admitted to himself that he had a problem," Antonioni said, "and if he did, he might still be here today."

MWCC student DeCosta said her depression, like Antonioni's, was initially triggered by a sibling's suicidal actions. Her older sister attempted suicide when DeCosta was only 5, and though her sister survived, DeCosta was traumatized by the experience.

"That was kind of the start of where my depression came from," she said. "That weighed on me for a long, long time."

DeCosta was a ballet dancer from a very young age, and said she became anorexic at 8, a condition that lasted until she was 19.

"Going through the recovery for anorexia was when I started having suicidal thoughts," she said. "I started to think I wasn't worth anything, no one would care if I was gone."

After her own suicide attempt, DeCosta received treatment at an in-patient facility for two months, she said. She began seeing a therapist and taking anti-depressants, though she said she is no longer on any medication.

"I'm very proud of where I am today," DeCosta said. "I didn't allow my background to make me a statistic."

When Ellis spoke, he focused on suicide prevention and what people can do to help themselves and others who might be depressed.

"The way we start to address the issue of mental health is to provide forums like these in our communities," he said. "The only way we can prevent, can intervene, is for each of us to get involved."

"There's an alarming trend in our population of suicide, especially among men," Ellis said, noting that Gardner has the highest rate of suicide among men in Massachusetts. "Why aren't we seeking help, what's stopping us?"

He urged men, especially, who might feel like they have no one to talk to, to come to the Men's Suicide Prevention Program at Heywood Hospital, for which he is the coordinator.

"Support groups can be really helpful," said DeCosta, after a student asked about a friend who is depressed. "You realize you're not the only one going through it."

Another student asked how to address finding a friend's notebook that had suicidal plans written in it.

"What if they don't want to talk about it?" she asked.

"The biggest thing is just let them know that you're there," said DeCosta. "Tell them you'll go with them to a counselor, to doctors' visits."

Antonioni said an important moment for him, when he was struggling with depression, was when a friend drove from Worcester to Leominster to see him after hearing he wasn't doing well.

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