“List on the 3s” is my feature which occurs on dates which contain the number 3, such as, for instance, May 13. They occur just about every ten days except for when they don’t. Like May 30, May 31 and June 3. That’s going to be tricky. But that’s, like, weeks away! We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

But first — some unfinished business about my Shiny Stakeout: Identify Those Header Pictures Contest:

The deadline was today. And, thus far, one person has entered. One. And this is even after I mentioned that I’m offering a prize of a brand-spankin’ new pocket-kite! That’s just sad. And I’m really internalizing this sense of failure I feel that nobody else wants to play. I mean, it’s a game! Games are fun, right? And with the direction that oil prices are taking, I have a strong suspicion that mini-kites will be one of the more popular modes of transportation in the latter part of this century!

That notwithstanding — still. Just. One. Entry.

So — I’m changing the rules around:

* I’m extending the deadline. Get those entries in by 11:59pm EDT on Friday, May 16. (That happens to be my brother’s birthday. And Liberace’s.) If you want to add to your previous entry, feel free. This will give more people a chance to play.

* I’m sweetening the pot. This is not a veiled reference to Woody Harrelson. In addition to the pocket kite I will send to the winner, I will also present, in a special vlogged entry, a rhyming poem using the winner’s name. Hell, I may even put it to music! I’ll even make it obscene and tasteless if you so desire.

I’m a movie buff. I love all sorts of movies. Can’t get enough of them. Let’s face it: I’m good at sitting on my butt, eating popcorn and criticizing Charlie Sheen. What isn’t to love? And there are many movies – both critically acclaimed and commercial successes which I love. You may already know that I’m a huge Kevin Smith fan. That I’m intrigued by anything with John Cusack. I even like some older films — Danny Kaye’s The Court Jester is one of my favorites.

Being a movie-watcher, however, has its shameful secrets. In fact, once I publish this list I expect I’ll be thrown out of the secret siblinghood that is made up of movie aficionados. You may be shocked and angered by the fact that I’ve watched movies like “Bio-Dome” and “Hudson Hawk” but have never viewed the films on this list. I apologize to no one. But yeah — I really should get around to watching some (not all) of these.

8. The Second Star Wars Trilogy Which Is Really The First Trilogy Chronologically (1999-2005)

I remember seeing the first two of the original trilogy on video, and then was excited enough that I was able to see “Return of the Jedi” in the theater. And watching little Ewoks save the day and pretty much ruin the movie. The second trilogy? I just really never had enough interest. Give me Star Trek any day over Star Wars. That’s how my nerdy self rolls.

7. It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

Look — I have nothing against this movie. In fact, it seems like a powerful one which brought Capra ahead of his time. But I don’t have to see it because every single television show has parodied this in some way. I have seen the ending of it where George Bailey goes ga-ga for Christmas. And some angel gets its wings because of a bell. Something like that.

Remember all of the hoopla when they decided to show a colorized version of the film? I was going to see it then. Now that it’s black and white again? Naah.

6. Rocky Horror Picture Show (In the theater)

I have no idea how I missed the hype in high school. I would have blamed it on being such a total nerd, but all of the total nerds were doning fishnets and going to the midnight showings also. Where was I? Your guess is as good as mine…

socKs, however, was one of those cool nerds who would go and go often. And she had the book. The soundtrack. Even the VHS tape! So, one night in December of 2000 when she was out of town, I decided to join the masses and buy a DVD player. With it I rented one DVD (Fight Club) and bought one DVD (Rocky Horror). I even watched it a bit with the audience commentary. (Asshole!) I may have been too sober or too alone to enjoy it. But I still know all the words to the Time Warp. (Thanks, high school dances!)

4. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (2001-2003)

I have the same desire to see the Star Wars Prequel trilogy as I do the Middle Earth trilogy. Which is none at all. I’ve heard that these are some of the best works of cinematographic art ever. But I’ve never been into the Tolkien books. In fact, I remember being in fourth grade and seeing a filmstrip version of “The Hobbit” where the tape recorder made everything sound so distorted that I couldn’t follow it. And the filmstrip projector was out of focus.

Want to know how I feel about Lord of the Rings? See the clip above. That’s how the movies would all sound to me…

1. Billy Madison

I’m not a huge Adam Sandler fan. But I’ve watched “Happy Gilmore” and “Big Daddy” and even “Little Nicky” and thought they were cute. But apparently this is the first one where Adam Sandler’s one single character emerges. This is the legendary one. This movie and I have history — I’ve tried to watch it three times — and each time something pressing came up and I had to stop watching in the first few minutes.

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Uh before I post my three (or rather come up with them in my head cause I am too old to know a damned thing anymore), I just wanted to tell you that I just saw Saving Private Ryan and It’s A Wonderful Life for the first time in 2007…so uh yeah, you are not alone on those.

Here are mine:

1. Like you, I have never seen any of The Godfather movies. I don’t care who it enrages. Fuck that.

2. The English Patient. I have no idea how I skipped this since romantic stuff makes me swoony but somehow, I have!

3. Labyrinth: Everybody quotes and talks about this movie as if it were the second, third or fouth coming and I smile and laugh as if I know what they mean. I don’t. I’ve never seen this.

4. Casablanca: Again, I pretend to have seen it and could quote half of the movie verbatim but seriously? It bores me.

Well that’s four….look at that, bonus Hilly! I never could follow the rules :).

1 – Fletch – classic comedy from our youthful years – quoted ALL the time. Never seen it. No good reason, just never gotten around to it really. That I can’t really stand Chevy Chase. Certainly open to seeing it though.

2 – What’s that movie with the golfing and the gophers? Caddyshack. See #1

3 – Something About Mary. Don’t really like Cameron Diaz. Not a big fan of spooge in hair jokes and gross out comedy.

4 – The complete series of Everybody Loves Raymond on DVD. Patricia Heaton – blech. Oh wait, not a movie.

Always been curious about “Hudson Hawk”. Bruce Willis, art crimes, singing? What’s not to want to see there? I think I see a movie night in our future.

And how is it that we’ve been together this long and we’ve never taken you to see RHPS? Even my dad went with us one night!

Oh my gosh Billy Madison was my absolute favorite movie in the 90s. Granted, I was ten. But still funny today!

I’ve seen pretty much everything I’ve wanted to see. I’ve tried to watch the first star wars lots of times and fallen asleep every single time, so I’ve never watched any of the other five either. This tends to shock people. I have no desire at all.

I’m hopeless, I’ve never seen whatever movie it is that everyone is talking about at the time.
However….drooling over the Rocky Horror lips! Tim Curry in drag *swoon* (Yeah I may have watched that a few…million…times!)

I must be a dork of movie dorks.. I’ve seen all of those at least 2x or more…

AND i used to have a pirated VHS tape of RHPS, remember when a pirated tape was someone who snuck a video camera into the theatre and took a video of the movie? It was like that, I think I still have it.. here’s to 20+ year old VHS…

I haven’t seen Iron Man yet. But I don’t go to theaters, I wait for DVD…

Netflix is my savior to seeing movies I haven’t seen yet. and TV Shows on DVD….it’s the reason I have seen most of the movies I have….best $20 a month I could possibly spend!

and BYW, I was all excited thinking that the results would be here today, only to find out I had no competition AND you extended the deadline?? Would telling you I am very sick make you appoint me winner by default? cause I am….very sick that is…and not just in the head.

I refuse to enter contests because I have this pesky habit of winning.

I won Dave2’s contest by mistake. I’m lucky I didn’t win the grand prize.

I love Kevin Smith platonically. The man’s a genius. Dawg and I were supposed to go to Jersey on Friday night of TequilaCon to see Kevin Smith do one of his 7-hour talking sessions, but he had to cancel because of his movie schedule. I was pretty bummed about that.

I only saw “It’s a Wonderful Life” for the first time this year. I’m glad I waited.

I have not yet been able to sit through “The Big Lebowski” or “Office Space” because I always have to deal with something else. Every single time. But I’ve probably seen both movies entirely in bits and pieces.

Hilly: Labyrinth is certainly one on my list as well. Apparently David Bowie + muppets = hit. Who knew? Certainly not I — as I haven’t seen it.

socKs: I still have no great desire to see Caddyshack, but I suppose we can count it as a rite of passage. And yes, your dad is far cooler than I will ever be…

Amanda: I’m relieved that I’m not the only one who just simply doesn’t get mesmorized by Star Wars…

Winter: Yes! Another film trilogy I forgot! “Pirates of the Carribean” — never watched any of them. Never had the desire. Didn’t even like the anamatronic Disney ride…

Penelope: Curiously, the memory of Tim Curry I will always go to is the one of him as the butler in “Clue.” I guess that will change once I see RHPS in the theater…

bubblewench: Ah, yes. Back in the days when movie theater employees didn’t have night-vision goggles to bust the folks making recordings of movies. VHS bootlegs are still bad-ass. 🙂

Cissa: I’m such a freak that I still do not and never have subscribed to NetFlix! Odd, hmm?

As for the deadline extension — I still appreciate you being the first one to enter the contest. And I shall reward you for it. Some day soon. You have my word.

Poppy: Kevin is wonderful. I’d love to see him live doing his schtick (albeit his two 2-DVD speaking engagement sets have been great). My go-to costume is still the long overcoat and the Mooby hat backwards. (And now I don’t need the fake hair!)

Finn: I hope you get the chance to treat yourself to both of those films in one sitting. As for me — I don’t think I’ve ever seen “Road House” in one contiguous chunk…

Epiphany: Aiiieee! Wrath!

LibraGirl: I wish I had never seen Titanic… Consider yourself lucky. 🙂

I had to stop by… and will probably try to regularly. I don’t want to say I’m glad you’ve moved here or anything… but at least now we’ll get more priceless shiny originals that were rare on mindsay.

As for this list… a couple years ago, I also hadn’t seen the first two Godfather movies… and yes, they are two of the best movies I’ve ever seen. I also haven’t seen It’s A Wonderful Life, which is bad of me, since it has probably played 334477447 times on TV since I was born. I haven’t seen Rocky Horror Picture Show or True Romance… I only feel bad about one of those things (not RHPS, to clarify… haha.) Nor have I seen Monster’s Ball… but I don’t think anyone should feel bad about that.

So we have a couple things in common. Now take some time off and watch some Godfather. You’ll never regret the 3490534 hours it takes.

I have seen every movie on your list, and except for RHPS and LOTR, you aren’t missing a thing. Didn’t like any of them enough to ever watch a second time. I thought the Godfather saga was overlong, boring and clunky. You want a good mafia movie? See GoodFellas. It’s A Wonderful Life was way to schmaltzy for me. I LOVE A Christmas Story, however. And Saving Private Ryan was the most overhyped napfest of all time.

Here are my glaring omissions:

The Day The Earth Stood Still. I’m a hardcore sci-fi fan, but somehow have never seen this classic.

Chronicles Of Narnia. ZERO interest. Lions do not talk.

The Big Lebowski. People keep telling me I’ll LOVE this movie. I’ve tried to watch it three times, but never get past the first 15 minutes.