A Trip
Through the Greek Bureaucracy by Getting a Greek
Drivers License

This article was
written in 1998 so see important new info at the
bottom of this page

My Dear Friend Matt,

You asked me to write a story
about some sector of Greek life, in particular the
problems a foreigner might encounter here. Well,
here it goes. It may be menial, but on the other
hand it might give useful information to someone
deciding to reside in Greece. It has to do with,
yes my friend, a drivers license. Before I get
into what happened to me, let me give you some
background information. Let's say that you are an
American coming to Greece for an extended period
of time. You rent or buy (tax-free) a car and you
have an American license. You get an international
license from E.L.P.A. for 25,000 Drs. It's good
for one year. If you overstay that year you must
leave the country for one hour and then come back
for renewal. Cost? 25,000 Drs.

The original American license
must never expire. You can not get an
international license for longer then the
expiration date on the US license. The
international license is good for all over the
world except, of course, the USA.

If at any time your American
license expires and you have not gone back to the
states to have it renewed you may get yourself
into the mess I got myself into. I hope this story
amuses you.

A True Story by Dorian
Kokas

My American license was one
month from expiration so of course, the
international license was, too. Dilemma: Go back
to the states for renewal or get a Greek (EC)
license. I decided, mistakenly, that the latter
would be more practical. My dear friends... the
time has come for all devoted employees of AAA to
take arms and fight their devil counterpart in
this poor god-forsaken country and to finally
abolish the laws pertaining to licenses. Their
counterpart is called E.L.P.A.

Naive American:What do I have to do to get a
drivers license?

E.L.P.A.:You must obtain the
following:

Official translation of the
American license at the foreign
ministry.

Chest ex-ray.

Eye test.

Greek I.D. or residence
permit.

Four photographs.

Application.

Bill of health from an
MD.

Verification that the
license is real from E.L.P.A.

Naive American:Where do I start?

E.L.P.A.:Anywhere. Why are you so
naive?

AT THE EYE DOCTOR

(The temperature is 101 degrees
in the middle of August. The windows are
open)

Doctor:Look at the paper.

Naive American:It's too small and it's blowing
all over the place. Can you shut the window? ( The
paper blew off the tack on the old yellow wall. He
puts it back.)

Doctor:Are you crazy? We'll die of
heat if we close the window.

Naive American:But it's blowing left and
right. I can't read it.

Doctor:The third line.

Naive American:I can't read any line. ( It
blows off the wall again. He re-tacks it.)

I got my translation which
read: Dorian Kokas. Legal US drivers license.
(Watch out kids; "Dorian" Kokas. That is, or was
my name.) The problem was that my Greek I.D.,
(which took three years to get after proving to
the authorities that the bones in some grave in
the Greek province of Pyrgos were really those of
my grandfathers) only mentions my Christian name,
the name I was baptized with which is Theodore. So
my official translation is "Dorian" and my I.D. is
"Theodore". But wait. The fun isn't over yet. Now
I had to go to E.L.P.A. to verify the license. It
took three hours and they gave me the paper. I
didn't look at it because of my anxiety to reach
the ministry of transportation with my photographs
to get my license.

Naive American:With which name is it easier to
process the application? Which of the three
branches of government wields more power.

Employee:Well. E.L.P.A. of
course.

Naive American:Then I'm Miss Dorina
Kokas.

Employee:That's what it seems but how
are you going to explain your appearance to the
director who has to approve the
application?

Naive American:Give me one hour and I'll find
a dress, wig pantyhose and be right back.

Employee:
(chuckling) The only thing you can do is get a
court order which states that Dorian, Theodore and
Miss Dorina are the same person. If you are Dorina
in E.L.P.A.'s computer then you'll never be able
to change it. Not in Greece.

(Kafka, I thought.) I went to
my lawyer who told me I needed two witnesses to go
to court and testify that Dorian, Theodore and
Dorina are one and the same. None of my friends
were in Athens on the twentieth of August. The
lawyer advised me to find any stranger (preferably
a drunk) on the street and give him two thousand
Drs to appear for one minute in court and say they
know me. But as how? Dorina? Dorian? Theodore?
Well, Theodore puts me in the Greek mentality
associated with Easter: smelly cheese, sweat,
roast lamb, bouzoukia and girls with short skirts
and high heels. Dorian on the other hand brings up
images of the U.S.; Universities, McDonalds, girls
with bluejeans who don't smoke, music friends and
memories. Then again, Dorina tantalizes my brain
about how a woman must feel. Why not change sides
now and spend the rest of my life being chased
rather then chasing. After all, men do most of the
physical labor in and out of bed. No, I wasn't
that daring. I said to the two young punks that
they know me as "Theodore", thinking that this was
the most "legal" name. I dragged them to court to
the tune of two thousand Drs apiece and they
testified under oath that they had known me for
ten years. I got my paper.

The next morning I gave my
paper to the Ministry of Transportation and they
told me that my license would be processed in one
month with the name of "Theodore Kokas".

One month later I went back to
finally get the damn license. It read:
Mrs. Dorian
Kokas. I guess you
could call it a compromise.

Note:E.L.P.A. (the Greek touring club), stopped issuing
International driving licenses to American citizens
several years ago. The only way that an American can
receive an International driving license is through
AAA or through private agencies. For more info see International Drivers License 2