Oh, Baby! 5 Reasons Justin Bieber Should Take a Paternity Test on the 'Maury' Show

Reason 1: No girl will ever falsely accuse you of getting her pregnant again.

Can you imagine how many girls are lining up right now to be Justin Bieber's baby mama? Thousands. And unless JB wants to continue having girls make up stories about him, he'd better make an example out of this chick. What better way to do it than to drag her onto Maury and make her look like a damn fool? It's probably not the nicest thing in the world to do to a person. But, then again, it's also not very nice to falsely accuse someone of being your baby daddy, now is it? If Biebs calls her bluff and takes her to task for what she's done, it's unlikely that another girl will do it later.

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Reason 2: You won't have to spend a dime on the actual paternity test.

A little secret about paternity tests: They ain't cheap! You can buy 'em for as little as $79 at a drug store. But in order to get a good and, more importantly, reliable reading, you need to spend anywhere from $400 to $2000 to get a test done by an accredited lab. We know Biebs isn't hurting for money, but why spend dough on a paternity test when you already know the result? We're assuming Maury would foot the bill to have you take one and give you the answer you're expecting from it. That sounds like a win/win situation to us.

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Reason 3: Best. YouTube clip. Eeeeeeever!

If you think Bieber's "Baby" video got a lot of hits, just wait until his Maury clip goes up. Hearing Maury Povich tell JB "You are NOT the father!" is TV magic in the making. We also predict that it'd get over a million hits on the first day and be the most-watched Bieber YouTube clip of all-time within six months. That's reason enough to do it.

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No offense to Justin or to regular viewers of the Maury show (okay, a little offense!) but we're pretty sure people who watch shows based around questions like, "Were you kidnapped and then turned into a sex slave, but you managed to escape?" (yes, that was a real question posed on Maury!) aren't the biggest Beliebers in the world. But one appearance could change all of that. Very few pop artists have the chance to tap into a whole new market at this point in their careers. But Justin can do just that simply by walking onto the Maury set.

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Reason 5: To let people know once and for all that you did not get that girl pregnant.

Isn't this what it's all about? Unless you get a paternity test—even if the girl does come to her senses and change her story—people are always going to wonder "What if...?" Put that thought out of their minds by publicly testing yourself to prove that you are not the father of that child. If nothing else, it gets you off the hook and lets the world know that you're telling the truth. Because even though we're pretty sure that we already know you didn't father a child—you're not that stupid, are you?—there will always be conspiracy theorists out there who believe that this girl changed her story around after you paid her off if you don't go through with taking the test. Maury is calling you, son. Please, oh please, won't you answer the call?