June 2016

June 13, 2009

Were heading for Tuesday night services at the Famished Spirit Baptist Church in Ungulla, South Carolina when they ran over an opossum. The driver didn't want to stop but one of the Christians in the back seat said something to the effect that the possum was one of God's creatures and what if that possum had been Jesus Christ, would you have stopped then? Which one of the Christers in the front seat found blasphemous, comparing Christ to road kill. And so a heated theological dispute broke out, with the car's occupants split evenly on stopping like the Samaritan or heading on to services, which were bound to be more redemptive than the fate of a brute animal. And so lively did the argument become that one of the Good Samaritans in the back seat attempted to grab the steering wheel, sending the car off the road and into a field of high corn, through which the Buick plowed until it collided with a tractor being driven by a farmer tending to the harvest.

Later the two surviving members of the accident would declare it was the Lord's Will that they hit the possum, killing the farmer and losing four of their own to crushing injuries. As for the opossum it was never found, which was mysterious and led to much conjecture amongst the devout that the animal was indeed a spirit and lever of God's will, sent to the earth to test the souls of men.

This is a true story in all of its particulars, and we're glad we made it up.