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Making Somebody Feel Unloved

Have you ever made somebody else feel unloved because you felt like a failure and pretty much unloved yourself?

I have. In fact, just a week ago I made one of my children feel really unloved. My daughter lied to me, or rather, avoided telling me something she should have told me. I felt that I had spent a couple of years when she was little teaching her that she won’t get into trouble if she tells me the truth right away. I thought we had made it through a phase of lying and to a place of trust.

Here was the Universe testing me. I have to admit I failed. When I realized the extent and consequences of her avoiding to approach me with a problem, I went into a place of feeling really disappointed. I allowed myself to feel like I failed to teach my daughter that she can trust me. I felt very angry, mad at her but even more so at myself for having trusted her. The Ego stories had a hay day, just because I allowed myself to go into a place of feeling “not enough”.

From that place of feeling unloved I responded, making her feel unloved in return. My words were hurtful and sharp. I did exactly what she was expecting and why she hadn’t approached me to begin with. I stepped into a power self of anger and into being the authoritarian parent. I told her I would from now on be “on top of her” and check up on her.

When my anger had subsided and I realized what had happened, I had to go back and make amends. I explained my understanding of triggering each other’s feelings of being unlovable. I apologized for making her feel unloved. She still has to carry the consequences of her avoidance and exactly that will be her learning to make a different choice next time. However, there was no reason for me to take her lie as a personal attack and create an atmosphere of unloveability.

I also set a new intention to trust her again. I promised myself to respond with loving kindness and understanding should she again choose avoidance over being proactive and telling the truth. Because trust cannot be born out of mistrust; feeling lovable cannot be born out of feeling unlovable, and lying is the result of not feeling safe in the love of the other person.