Don't you hate when someone writes, "There's STUFF going on, but I can't TALK ABOUT IT." And then you know that it's either something really awesome for them, like someone is pregnant but it's too early to talk about it, or they're going to propose, but they can't say it in case their significant other for some reason starts reading the journal; or, something seriously shitty; or, they are just plain overwhelmed by life and can't talk about it because they would go insane in trying to comprehend the sheer stupidity of it all. And all of those things would make great blog entries, so why are they teasing you? It's like, "Hey, I have a SEEEKRIT, and even if you tickle me, you will only make pee come out, not the seeekrit, ha ha ha."

Well, now I know why they do it, and it's not the seeekrit thing. It is this: it's freaking hard not to talk about your life when you are used to talking about your life. So you feel like you're going to bust open, and you have to twirl around shouting, "People, I'm going to bust open, and I really want to share everything, but I can't, so hey, there's stuff going on, and you can't know about it! ARGH!"

*headdesk*

And you know what's even worse about this? Is that by the time the seeekrit can be told, it's like, "Oh, yeah, that was rough," and you are spared (<----ironic use of the word "spared") the awesomeness/train-wreckness/stupidness because they no longer have the turbulent emotions to report, and you have to go, "Oh, yeah, I can totally see how it must have been nerve-wracking wondering if you were going to get that CEO position," or "Wow, I totally do not get how didn't know you were married to your cousin all these years, and I'm sorry, that must be very painful," or, "Can you report that asshole to Human Resources, take all your bottle returns to Michigan and make enough to cover rent, and have your house fumigated while you're away?" But you don't know. LiveJournal was not meant for faits accomplis. LiveJournal meant was meant for gruesome details.

So here we are.

I have a secret.

BUT!

I'm going to TELL YOU! Only, I'm going to use the twin powers of Self-Restraint and Time Travel to type all of my gruesome details into a text editor and wait to post it until all of this is no longer a secret! And then I'll put it in an entry and post it! Even though it has taken every ounce of willpower not to post "I have a secret" back on December 4th (and before that, on 11/30, and before that, on 11/24) and I want you to know that.

So. I have a secret! The best/worst part of it is, I don't have any idea while I'm writing this how it will all end--terribly or wonderfully.

End transmission from the past. This was the day my agent told me she was putting my book up for auction.