An example of the craziness that I deal with…

I have been copying and pasting, for the most part, these blog posts over to mmorpg.com, even after I no longer am a paid blogger. While I think the site lacks in many ways, there are always good conversations going on. The staff is wonderful and professional.

But, I have slacked over there for quite a while, not adding anything much to the discussions. I physically cannot keep up with typing all these messages, emails and articles. My wrists wont have it. So, I decided that I might consolidate my blogs and concentrate only on spouseaggro.com, ablegamers.com, and the MMOvoices website.

So, I posted that I might do this, and soon after I begin to get responses from a few people, but mainly from this strange stalker guy I have been getting messages from for a long time. I deleted the comments and the blog post because I decided to post a few more times on mmorpg.com. Of course, this guy posted on my other blog posts, the ones containing the Spouse Aggro podcast:

” ******* writes:

Hey! He deleted some replies here! What a tard...”

Which I did. I am always floored that, after someone comes onto any one of my blogs and posts “you suck” without actually adding anything to the conversation and I delete them, they come back and act like I am being a jerk. Look, I post silly things on people’s blogs all the time. Syncaine is a perfect example of someone that forces me to post “You are NUTS.” But he let’s them stay, out of some kind of..I don’t know…honesty? YUCK. If he deleted them, I would just move on. 99 percent of the time I am just poking fun at someone that I have known for a while, like Syncaine. I have no issues with the guy, and have said so on the show. Anyway…

So, they insult me first. I delete them. They insult me again. Then I delete them again. Then they email me:

“SUB: Used to be good, what happened?

Hey, you used to have a decent bit going here on mmorpg, but the last 20 or so blogs seems to simply fall into self promotion, links to your other sites and crap like that. What happened? I was enjoying your read, but now its like you sold out to a big company, theres no content anymore and your latest stuff has turned into a pile of s*** promotion.

You gonna get back on the horse anytime soon?”

Now, this is one of those messages that, within the span of a few sentences, insults me AND compliments me. To be honest, I don’t think he meant it in a horrible way, but I would hope that he could see how he was pretty deserving of me saying back:

“This is a serious question, OK? Answer it honestly. Are you nuts?

You call me a “tard”, tell me you enjoyed my blog, tell me I might have sold out, then ask me to come back with more of the fantastic blogging that you enjoyed? Again, are you crazy? This is not a very good way to get me to sleep with you, sir.

Understand a few things:

1) I do not control what MMORPG.com highlights. They do.

2) Write your own blog. It’s not hard.

3) See you later. There are a million websites that I can write on, and I do. I am simply consolidating those that are of no use to me.

Thanks for your…compliments? Let’s both be happy that we will never actually talk to each other, forever, and then we will die and be put into the ground never to have to see one another. This is it, my last words you will ever read from me.

That’s kind of a cool image.

Beau ”

Of course, my responses are all over the place. I write that way, I interupt my own damn sentences with more sentences about other things. I see art within art. Pretentious? Yeh. Oh well. Here is the response back, and remember that this whole thing started with him calling ME names, out of the blue:

“Its not SIR, its MAAM, tho Im not quite old enough for a MAAM I think.

Its just that I have enjoyed your past blogs here a lot, then lately you seem to have stopped and just resorted to self promotion, which irks me a lot, considering your highlighted. I never read any of your other sites, so I went and did that, now Im really pissed, as your other places have a ton of gret content and blogs that your not reproducing here at all! I agree its weird, as I like your writings, but cant stand what your doing here anymore. I suggest that you close your blog here and stop your chest thumping and I’ll just go read you on your other sites.

Have you noticed others feel this way? If not, take a look at your bumbs/buries, and notice when you are doing the selfless promotion of all your OTHER places, you get a disproportionate amount of buries to bumbs, but when you write something of substance, you seem to do ok.

Well think about it anyhow.

Oh, and I am starting my own blog, you’ll see…”

This is the strangest response. Actually, he is telling me that he is “pissed” because my content, the SAME content is better over at other sites. The other brilliant thing? The “bumps/buries” thing. MMORPG.com has a system that readers can use to bump and bury your post, essentially knocking it up and down the list. Now, what he is claiming, is that since I get about 5 buries compared to 2 bumps, out of some of my posts gettting hundreds of views, a thousand views, (or 50) that that means that the community, as a whole, hates my guts.

Of course, he wouldn’t think that it means that the same 5 people are burying me every time, out of the hundreds that do not. I actually had one guy tell me he would, personally, bury my post every time.

So, I replied, I had to. This dude has been bugging me for a long, long time, but I find people like him fascinating:

“You do know what consolidation means, right?

Look, kid. You’re what, 17 or 18 years old? Maybe? If not, learn to spell basic, basic things. That would be the first step in global domination. I’m sure I’ll be seeing your name in bright lights someday.

The funniest part is that you have no idea what you are even talking about, as to why I am a featured blogger or why I am (if you might have noticed) a “Mabinogi Correspondent.” Imagine, for just a second…reach outside of your high-school experience….

*wavy dream sounds*

Now, imagine me volunteering to write for mmorpg.com, which I did. Imagine that they asked me to be a correspondent for a game, and at first I told them Mabinogi, since it is a great game. Now imagine..I know it’s hard..stay strong..but imagine that I asked them to write about general blog stuff, and they told me to write about whatever. Now, imagine that I told them a few months after that I didn’t want to write for them anymore, being that other blogs of mine are very very busy.

Now, imagine what would happen if they never took that title away. I don’t know why. Imagine, please…use your head here..that I have no F*****G CONTROL over things like titles or being featured. Several times, after I was no longer a paid blogger (** bucks a pop, not worth it) the editor featured a few of my blogs, essentially getting paid content for free. While I like the site and the guys that run it, that is a ‘lil slick, huh?

Picture this: I would, for a long time, just copy and paste blogs from there to over here. (This is the funny part, I have ALWAYS copy and pasted my blogs from here to there..always. HE is griping about the content being lacking on mmorpg.com’s blog, yet it was THE EXACT SAME content. Look at the blog list on there, and you will see the same blog posts. THE EXACT SAME. I essentially allowed mmorpg.com to use my content from spouseaggro.com for free) It was a way to get different audiences takes on my writing. Soon, I realized that the community here had, to say the least, one-track minds. Not my thing, but nothing wrong with that. But, using your wacky comments as an example, you can see why I might not want to be around this playground.

Also, picture the thousands (and I do mean THOUSANDS) of websites that exist out there that do this kind of thing. Hell, I just started one of my own.

So if you want to pull this strangely complimentary act with me, go for it. I am sorry (?) that I don’t blog here, when you could just go over to my other blog and read about it.

But g*****n, don’t be such a weirdo, OK?

Now, tell me when you have a blog, and I will come call you a “tard” in the comments section. Or, I will be massively impressed.

Whatever. Good luck. Now just leave me alone, s**t.

Beau”

As you can see, I am trying to use a sense of humor. This stuff is actually a lot of fun for me, because I truly wonder what kind of a strange person would worry so much about me, my writing. Also, I get the “you will regret this..” or the “..you should be held responsible..” type comments a lot, as though I am something like a politician sending troops to their death for a bogus reason, or a spy that was caught. Obviosuly, some people literaly think I am something more than I am, despite me posting my pictures, my jobs, and all my personal details. How strange! How GLORIOUSLY STRANGE! The response:

“Ah, I see now, your true nature comes afront. Pity you cant handle the real world. (see what I mean? “Real world?” Of WHAT? MMORPG blogging?) I merely noticed that your blog posts here have degenerated into nothing more than self promotion for other sites. That defeats the purpose of blogging here, and I am going to be SURE I now bring it to the attention of the MMORPG staff, that your abusing your highlighted status for personal gain. (here we go again, using MY blog to bring attention to ME, all because I post the show on the site, giving a link that can be downloaded without takling people AWAY from the site. Again, more free content.) I was simply hoping you were in a slump, but it is not to be, it seems that your just a simple a**hole, nothing more. You make false assumptions on how old I am, then proceed to attack that, believing your correct. Then you get nasty and mean. (Like calling someone a “tard”?)Thanks for your nice replies here; they are going to make a lovely addition to my new blog exposing what a complete buttwipe you truly are.

Ya know, its funny, when I did not know you personally, I liked your writings, but now that I see who you truly are, I am starting not to like what you write any longer. Now I do understand why you get so many buries as opposed to bumps, its not your selfless promotion, its from people that know who you are.

Feel free to make as many assumptions about me as you like, you only know one thing, and one thing only; I am female. Thats it, so I find YOUR replies very funny… (You know what you get when you assume things, right?)
Anyhow, Ta ta for now, dont bother to reply. Save it, your gonna need it when I am done with you, and taking apart your little empire you hold so dear. (EMPIRE? Oh, dear lawd.)You should have simply been nice, rather than a jerk. Well, you reap what you sow…”

SEE the lunacy I have to put up with?? lol And you, fair reader, have no idea how much of this weirdness I have seen over the last several years of blogging. I LOVE how he says I am being “nasty”, yet started the entire thing off with not only commenting on my blog, calling me a “tard”, but then emailing me to insult me some more. This is how this always starts off. Now look at my responses..I basically entertain the conversation. I actually really like dealing with people like this, because it gives me glimpses into psychology that I would never have anywhere else. I LOVE how they claim I am a “selfless promoter”….ON MY OWN BLOG.

Notice the “..I am a female…” part. This is when it clicked. This is the same troll that, for the last few months, has pursued me in 2 different forms, both on mmorpg.com. This emphasis on female is exactly what set me off, especially when I received an email from the guy that was banned from the site before:

” there is more than one way to skin a cat. I can come back to haunt you if youd like.”

And it goes on with some nonsense about..you guessed it…getting what I deserve. Reaping what I sow. Also, this persons name has my birth year in it, and he claims to be 35, my age. And even their screen names were very similar! (I will not post the name, being that they have been banned and cannot discuss it. You might see some of his legit comments on some of my blogs, though.) My run-ins with him before usually consisted of me telling him that a man of his age should learn some basic things. I mean, I am not trying to be a spelling Nazi, but a 40 year old man should be able to spell “dumb.” Of course, I could be wrong, but this story is much more fun. I love picturing what my readers and friends look like and act like.

My response:

“I have no idea what you are talking about, kiddo. My blog is asking legitimate questions about GDC. You’re strange.

The cutest thing is that you would consider having a blog on MMORPG.com having “an empire.”

What’s “afront” mean?

Anyway, I am not sure that I am the one that started the insult throwing, am I? Ask yourself….seriously…WHO started it?

WhoooooooOOOooOOO?

(hint: it was you.)

Now, please allow me to get back to blogging on MMORPG.com ok?

Beau”

..and then I sent this as well:

“And you’re not a girl.

Sheeeesh.

Beau”

..and then this, because I was out walking my dogs and forgot to type it:

“NOW I know who you are!

Dude, you had me going for like,2 minutes there, congrats. I asked you to leave me alone before, and they banned you. I am reporting you again.

Please do not show up to my house to shoot me.

Thheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnkkkkks.

Beau”

…and their response:

“And you know this how? Peeking in my windows? I sent you a pic? You have no idea, i’ll just add this great comment to the wall of shame im putting together. Really, you make this OH too easy..”

Now, at this point we need to consider what has been said AND done. This guy comes onto my blog, calls me names because he thinks that I am not doing my job.

On my blog.

My “selfless” blog.

So, they go on and compliment me, sort-of, then proceed to say that I am the jerk for being confused by their strangeness. I am used to this kind of behavior, and especially from MMORPG.com. The thing is about that site, and I am not making this up and say this as someone that has posted on there for YEARS, is that certain blogs get a lot of attention, certain blog TOPICS I should say, and certain ones do not. Posts about how the community is to blame do not get attention, and tend to drive people away from your blog. Also, I have dropped in my frequency in posting there so if you look at my highest numbers, those were the numbers that came from the time when I posted the most.
People just don’t look much anymore, but I would promise you that if I made another Darkfall post, or almost ANY post about Blizzard, that it would get me more views and comments than ever.

But, I don’t care about that stuff. I care about discussion. Look at me and Leala’s new project at www.mmovoices.ning.com. We started it as an experiment, and within weeks we not only have some amazing discussions and writing, but we haven’t that many members. 140 or so? Yet, according to the Google Analytics, we are getting thousands of unique views. That means people are coming, not always joining, reading and coming back later. Think about how many sites YOU go to, do not join, but read up on all the time.

The numbers do not matter, it’s the interaction. Yet, some people STILL seem to think that I a “public figure” (some guy told me that a few weeks ago) am trying only for “self-promotion” (as though a blogger that writes about his or her own thoughts could do anything else. But you get what I mean..)

This is the kind of crap that goes on, year after year, day after day, in the mmo community. Someone THINKS they are right, and decides to not just state it, but to go so far as to post it over and over and over. This person JUST commented again on my blog, here:

“How about a blog? this is a couple lines of nothing. What a waste of blog space...”

These people will do this, over and over, after being deleted and banned several times. The scariest part? He claims to work for a gaming company, and claims that I can see him at GDC! AGH! Shoot-me-in-the-face-much?

I will always post about whatever I feel like. I don’t mind bad comments, or comments that call me out for being dumb, IF they add something to the conversation. Calling me a “fag” or saying that I suck does not add to the conversation. EXPLAINING why I suck DOES.

Isn’t the blogger world so amazingly ODD? I have HUNDREDS of comments like this, all saved in drafts, emails and text files. I am fascinated by them all. To be honest, most of them are sent out of simple anger, and I understand that. Most of them have been long forgotten and need not be explained. I totally understand someone getting mad at me, or misunderstanding me, being that I write like a 2 year old. Still, I am allowed to be fascinated by such..weirdness.