Your Astrological Guide to Valentine's Day 2015

Whether you're single, attached, or anything in between.

Valentine's Day—a loaded square on the calendar, no matter your romantic status. This year's astrological lineup will bring its share of rainbows and unicorns, but halfway through a gushy serenade we could wind up bursting into fits of laughter. A sense of humor is as important as an open heart on February 14, 2015. Here's what the stars have in store:

Mars and Venus are both in Pisces

Paging Hans Christian Andersen! Cosmic lovebirds Mars and Venus are in sync this V-Day—and in fantasy-fueled Pisces, no less. The fairy-tale vibes will be strong for many revelers, but we'll also be prone to denial. Are you puckering up to a prince(ss) or a Pacific tree frog? Run the background checks before tumbling head over glass-slippered heels.

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Jupiter is retrograde in Leo

Expansive, big-hearted Jupiter is parked in flamboyant Leo this Valentine's Day, which would normally be a cue to hire the mariachi band and skywriters to declare our love. But until April 8, Jupiter is in a low-powered retrograde, toning down Cupid's theatrics. How about settling for a mixtape and drinks at a skybar instead? Drama of any variety could not only be a buzzkill but a deal breaker this February 14. You heard it here first: DON'T make a scene!

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The moon will be in Sagittarius, then Capricorn

St. Valentine has a sense of humor this year as the day begins with the moon in fiery, jovial Sagittarius. Laughter is the best medicine for mitigating pressure or strengthening your bond. Athletic adventures could also lead to love connections while the moon hovers in the Archer's domain until dusk. The tide turns drastically at sundown when la luna moves on to traditional, goal-oriented Capricorn. The bigger questions will be on our minds, like, "Where is this heading next?" or "Is our love meant to last?" Be warned: The vibes could get heavy fast. If you're obsessing over the future, rein it back in and enjoy the moment. As we said earlier, laughter is the best medicine in the Love Doctor's arsenal.

The shadow of Mercury retrograde is hovering

Mercury's signal scrambling retrograde ended (mercifully) on February 11, but the shadow of this transit will linger until March 4. Free speech may well be our right, but that's not an excuse for oversharing or opening a can of TMI on an unsuspecting date. Making snarky comments could still take a lover's quarrel from 0 to 100 in no time. Rewind and be kind!

Saturn is in Sagittarius

Don't trek TOO far off the grid. Traveling for V-Day always sounds like a fabulous adventure…until the car breaks down with a flat, your date forgets to pack the condoms, and the "sprawling" ecofriendly room turns out to be a freezing cabin with a nonworking fireplace and broken jets on the Jacuzzi. With restrictive Saturn in Sagittarius—the zodiac's jet setter—there won't be such a thing as a "spontaneous romantic getaway." If you're heading out of town this V-Day, triple-confirm your reservations and read all the customer reviews. Staying close to home or opting for a day trip might be a better bet if all the highly rated rooms are booked.

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HOW TO PLAY THE GAME OF LOVE:

Status: Single (and Ready to Mingle…Rawr!)

Courtesy of HBO

Caution: romanticizing ahead. With Jupiter retrograde in romantic Leo, you could wake from a titillating dream about an ex…or find yourself dwelling on "the one that got away" as you sip your Saturday morning espresso. Could you be picking up on your old flame's frequencies? It's highly possible that you're both thinking of each other on this high-pressure Hallmark holiday. To text or not to text? That is the question. With the moon in capricious Sagittarius early in the day, screwing up the courage to send a witty line won't be hard. But with Mars and Venus in Pisces, the sign of denial, your "keep hope alive" mantra could be a case of selective amnesia. Think long and hard before you start thumb-typing. If it was merely bad timing that kept you apart, V-Day could indeed provide a springboard back into the Sea of Love. But consider this: Perhaps you need to start the search anew with someone who has some of your ex's best traits BUT none of the worst ones. Kick the day off with a little journaling exercise. Make a list of the things you loved (and miss) most about your last three paramours. When you leave the house and brave the throngs of "smug marrieds," you'll know just who to search for.

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Of course, with indie-spirited Jupiter in flamboyant Leo, you could also "consciously uncouple" from Cupid and instead devote the day to SELF-love. Organize a night with your fabulous friends who are living la vida single. Since the moon will be in upscale Capricorn come sundown, spare no expense with your festivities. Raise a champagne toast to your full and amazing lives. Then go around the communal table and have a Kendrick Lamar moment, with each person stating why "I love myself."

Status: Newly Dating

Courtesy of Fox Searchlight

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Oh, to be newly dating when Valentine's Day rolls around—the pressure! Like, should you even hang out on February 14 at all? Rationally, it's a Saturday night. Except, wait, you met on Tinder two weeks ago and have only made out twice. You haven't even seen the inside of his studio apartment…in the light, that is. Would a V-Day plan heap expectations into the mix? But then again, you sure would love another chance to trace the outline of those well-toned pecs. Curses! What to do what to do?

Relax. Of all the Valentines out there, you may be the luckiest this year. With the moon in jovial, free-spirited Sagittarius until late afternoon, your sense of humor provides the perfect pass to hang out, despite the day's blatant Hallmark overtones. Make a joke out of the whole Valentine's Day thing and camp it up. Meet for a matinee showing of Fifty Shades as you tear through a bottle of pink champagne and a Whitman's sampler. Or harness the Archer's athletic prowess and take your date to the slopes or surf. While those old marrieds are having breakfast in bed, grab two cups of coffee and join the rising sun in the powder or the sea. Make a joke out of your exile: "Let's get the f@#% outta the city before the Godiva outlet opens!" Insider tip: Studies show that laughter releases the bonding hormone oxytocin. When the moon heads into conventional Capricorn at dusk, you'll be thick as thieves after a day of follies and merriment. Hey, this could turn into something real before you know it.

Status: Freshly Exclusive

Columbia Pictures

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You're in L-O-V-E love, baby! With big-hearted Jupiter in romantic, flamboyant Leo this V-Day, you can shout your feelings from the rooftops. But please don't reprise Tom Cruise's infamous Oprah couch-leap. Jupiter is retrograde until April 8, taming your wildest expression of amour. While you have planetary permission to proudly rock your arm candy, don't be obnoxious with the PDA. Get a room—literally—but just for one night, and somewhere that's not terribly far from home base. Pushing for a complicated vacation this early in the game could harsh your buzz, especially since stoic Saturn is hunkered down in Sagittarius, the sign that governs travel. Saturn in Sagittarius can help you speak your truth in a tempered way. If your Valentine is everything you've always dreamed of in a partner, you can say it with plain appreciation instead of sappy sentiment. A "10 Things I Dig About You" list could be fun to read over brunch, peppered liberally with inside jokes.

Status: Legit Couple

Courtesy of HBO

When you've been 2 legit 2 quit for years, Valentine's Day can seem, well…extra. At this point, you know your feelings are real, you've figured out how to support each other's dreams, and you feel no pressure to close the bathroom door during rote bodily functions. What could a dozen red roses and a stupid box of truffles really say at this point? Well, maybe more than you think. With the moon in traditional Capricorn the night of February 14, you won't want to give Cupid's arrows a 404 Redirect. Let them strike you in the softest part of your heart—the cynicism-free space that felt a twinge of envy when eyeing Justin Timberlake's baby announcement Instagrams or photos of Sofia Vergara's massive engagement boulder. And by all means, don't show up with some lame red-foil-wrapped box and roses swiped from the grocery checkout. With Jupiter in luxe-loving Leo, this would be the V-Day to invest in matching, meaningful jewelry like engraved bracelets or charms.

With the moon and stalwart Saturn in Sagittarius a romantic getaway can bring back the sparks. Opt for high-end over rustic when choosing your destination (the Airstream trailer can wait). After sharing so many practical details of life, wouldn't it be nice to be pampered as a pair? Of course, once you're properly appointed in your four-star hotel, you could slip off for an adventurous day of parasailing, zip-lining, or swimming with dolphins. Sharing an adrenaline rush can activate the magic you felt back in the honeymoon phase.