Interfaith families navigate the holiday season (video)

Rebecca Balzac and Tim Cox's children, Adrianne, 11, and Benjamin, 7, sit in front of Hanukkah decorations (below) at their home in Shokan.

Over the weekend, Rebecca Balzac took out the family menorah and placed it in the bay window of her living room.

Two others, including a mosaic-styled menorah that belonged to her mother, Adrian, also serve as a reminder of the special days ahead.

On Saturday, Balzac gathered her family around the nine-branched candelabrum in the window for the ceremonial lighting of the first candle at sundown.

In her Shokan home, it was the beginning of Hanukkah, the eight-day Jewish festival marking the rededication of the holy temple in Jerusalem following the Maccabees' victory over the Syrian-Greeks 2,200 years ago.

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With her husband, Tim Cox, by her side, Balzac led her children, Adrianne, 11, and Benjamin, 7, in the ritualistic lighting of the first candle and recited the Hanukkah blessings.

Balzac and her husband plan to give their children gifts over the next few days.

Once Hanukkah ends on Dec. 16, the interfaith couple begins thinking Christmas, though not necessarily the religious side of it.

By Dec. 24, they will have made their way up to Sacandaga Lake to visit Cox's family, which celebrates Christmas.

Out of respect for their grandchildren and daughter-in-law, Cox's parents do not put up a Nativity or other religious decorations.

The celebration is more focused on family and big spreads of food, but Cox said his parents, David and Dianne, still have fun spoiling their grandchildren.

"The kids enjoy Christmas at my parents because they get to wake up in a log cabin in the Adirondacks, and there are presents with their names on it," said Cox. "What's not to like about it?"

He and Balzac made a conscious decision before they got married in 1996 to raise their children in the Jewish faith.

Balzac is Jewish and active in her synagogue, Congregation Ahavath Israel on Lucas Avenue in Kingston.

Cox, on the other hand, is a Christian with Baptist roots.

Whenever he visits his parents for the holidays, he still attends the First Baptist Church of Ballston Spa, the same place where his grandparents worshipped.

"When we got engaged, we talked about the religious differences and ironed it all out before we got married," Cox said. "In the Jewish faith, it's automatic that the kids be raised Jewish."

Cox agreed he has compromised his religious beliefs and traditions to some extent, but he that is often required in marriage.

"When you meet somebody and fall in love with them, you compromise. That is what you do. That is what we've done," he said.

Balzac agreed and said she and her husband are comfortable with the decisions they've made to focus on Hanukkah without completely sacrificing the cultural end of Christmas.

"I am very happy that the kids have this great family time with their grandparents," she said. "They enjoy it, and it brings a great deal of pleasure to have the kids with them. It's nothing that concerns me. Everybody has a good time."

Susan Katz Miller, a nationally known interfaith blogger, applauds the Ulster County family for successfully negotiating the holiday season, but she said that's not necessarily the case for others.

The so-called "December dilemma," presents challenges for many families about which faith and cultural traditions they should observe.

Katz Miller is Jewish and raising two teenagers with her Protestant husband in the Washington, D.C. area.

She said her family celebrates both Hanukkah and Christmas "with all the trimmings," while educating their children about the religious meanings of both holidays.

"We don't combine the holidays in any way, shape or form. It's important to make the distinctions between them," she said.

"We're trying to give each of the religions its historical and spiritual significance. For instance, we do not put a Star of David on top of our Christmas tree. When we do Christmas, we do Christmas. When we do Hanukkah, we do Hanukkah."

Her views are mirrored in a survey released this year by the web group known as Interfaithfamily.com, which noted that 83 percent of intermarried couples that participate in Christmas celebrations keep them separate from their Hanukkah celebrations.

According to the report, which surveyed people in Boston and New York, 80 percent believe their Christmas celebrations do not affect their children's identity.

Katz Miller goes a step further by noting that presenting both religious meanings can only strengthen a child raised in an interfaith family.

"For our family, it's not a dilemma because we've chosen to celebrate both, and we don't feel conflict there," she said.

"I don't see a theological conflict between Judaism and acknowledging the birth of Jesus as a Jewish spiritual leader who stood up for the poor and oppressed and changed the course of history."

Katz Miller feels so strongly about the subject that she expects to publish a book next year about how and why some interfaith parents are choosing to educate their children in more than one belief.

"We feel very strongly that they should be literate in both. Our kids could grow up to be one or the other. The parents, in the end, don't control that. Children ultimately make their own decisions," she said.

People like Judith Golub, a long-time religious educator at Temple Emanuel on Albany Avenue in Kingston, seriously question that notion.

All three of her children were raised in the Jewish faith, but they married non-Jews and have started families of their own.

Each puts up a Christmas tree and menorah and celebrates both holidays, she said.

Though Golub loves her children's spouses, she disagrees with the fusion of the Jewish and Christian holidays, especially when there's no depth in those celebrations.

"A lot of parents think they can do Christmas. They think they can do Hanukkah. They can do Passover and Easter as long as they don't go into depth about why the holiday is celebrated. The meaning is not necessarily there," she said.

Besides, Golub believes it can create confusion for children, or even worse, a lack of identity.

"What ends up happening is the child doesn't feel a connection to either religion, so they end up choosing nothing, and that bothers me as an educator. As much as they need love, they need something else beyond that," she said.

Which is why Cox and Balzac are doing precisely what they're doing--raising their children in one faith, even if it is at the expense of another's.

Cox said he doesn't mind forgoing all the trappings of Christmas, nor does he get the Christmas blues.

"We recognized that if we didn't address it before we got married, it would be a conflict," he said.

Naturally, their children have had plenty of questions over the years, and the couple made the time to address their concerns.

"My daughter has asked me what Christmas is all about, and we may have talked about Easter, too, so she understands the basics of what Christians believe, and she understands why Christmas is a big holiday," Balzac said.

"Our children have never expressed any confusion or any type of doubt. That has never come up," Balzac said.

As for Christmas, the family is looking forward to it just as much others, her husband added.

Even Cox's 91-year-old grandmother will be at the family's home in the Adirondacks when he, Balzac and their kids arrive later this month.

"My kids are guaranteed one set of grandparents every Christmas morning. It's something they look forward to every year," he said.