Just another word of thought..d^^,b

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Monthly Archives: March 2011

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Sorry its been too long since then..A lots of things happen, but it is common and usual, you know..routine stuff..except for getting busy more and more, I often call the exam as a war, becoz we are really in a war, with ourself..Fighting to awaken our true potential from lazyness, from everythings..However, in the past month, I mean the month that I’ve been born..March..A lot of things happen in that month..

Not only the good things, but bad things do occur..its all about love, about life, and about ourself..With love, dishonest, lack of trust, and a lot of aspect really can kill love. This phenomenon really happen to my close friend, here. In my way of thought, being in love is not simply for, you know, for fun, for “requirement”, for showing off, and so on. It is the first phase for us to learn, how to be responsible, how to control everything in us, patience, anger, sad, and every human emotion that all of us can ever think of. Its also teach us the various of things, learning how to understand each other, put ourselves in each others shoes, handle with emotion, how to be a good listener, and so on. For me, that is my perception when we love someone. For example, look at my big bro, both of them. They love their couple, loving each other, get married, having a son, and facing all of the trouble together, although it is not as simple as talking or writing like this, but that is love..Commitment, serious, this relationship is not as simple as we think. At the time we were alone, far away from our couple, starting to get bored, lonely and so on, we will start thinking of, “I better find someone, you know, just for fun, my girlfriend wouldn’t know. After im done, im gonna ditch her..”

That’s is mostly what we always face in this days. Just for fun, for fun and for fun. We didn’t think the consequences of our act, we didn’t put ourselves in their shoes. Now lets try to put ourselves in theirs..When we found out our beloved one with someone else, happily ever after, looking at us like we don’t exist in his eyes, like the relationship never exist at all. Now feel it, and then think. Is it hurt? Being fooled by the others? Is it common? Is it cool? Is it FUN? Well im not qualify for all of this, but as a human, a man, this is my perception..Before we are doing some things which we may regret for, think twice, or don’t do it at all. Good partner in life are really hard to find, believe me, I know. But when we had it, some of people still unsatisfied for what they already have. What more that we wanted? What else? In the earlier phase in relationship, of course we have a desire in our selves, me as a man also included. We want to hold our couple’s hand, we want to take her to watch late movie, gazing the star together, walking to nowhere together, and so on, like in the romance movie that we always dream of.

Hey im being honest here, I also want to do all of that, but please, awake..awake from that dream, that is really unreal. In our country, our family have a dignity, maruah, and we, as a Malaysian, known by all, with our kindness in our heart, our morality, sopan santun, berbudi pekerti. Of course we can do all of that, but in reality, it is very wrong. We still have Allah swt, our religion, we have our own lines that we need to keep stay out of it. Do not ever step out of the line, because when you do, lu pikir la sendiri..So, some man keep using this as excuse to find another spare tire, not all of them of course.They said, “susah lah, ini tak bleh, itu tak bleh, nak keluar malam tak bleh, nak pegang tangan susah, ini susah, itu susah, rimaslah..Baik cari seseorang yang boleh buat semua tuh, boleh bawa keluar jalan jalan, pegang2 tangan and so on, lagi best..”But do you realize who is talking when you are really thought of this matter, it is not you anymore, its your nafsu, Nafs..So when you do thinking of this, think back..Why do you want her, to be your life partner? To be your fun couple? To be your “Touch n Go” partner? Choose wisely..And think deeply, what are our desire actually.

Well im saying this also for myself, as a reminder, there is a lot of things that happens around me, and I intend to make all of it as a life lesson,as a reminder. And of course, sharing is caring. I care for you, so that’s why I share. So, still wondering what I am trying to say? Well don’t, it is simple and easy. Just think it is, like this. All of us do want a muslimah, or wanita solehah to be our wife right? Well, of course she must be kind, can take care of us whenever we cant, caring, and loving us. But ask our selves, are we deserve it? Look at our self, are we ready enough?Are we good enough? Because, relationship, marriage, is not as simple like in the movie, or in the novel..Love ourselves before we love the other, when we do that, we will learn a lot of things believe me, not only love, but respect as well, responsibility, patience, and all..But of course, we are not a perfect being, we are just human, from clay, earth, given a soul/ roh and walking in this earth finding our reason to live..We are made each other, to complete each other, to walk in His path, leading to His path, and of course, aiming for redhaNya, insyaAllah.

I really don’t know why I writing this entry, but, I just feel like it, sometime He want to test us, with a lot of obstacle in life, just to make sure we are back to Him again, praying for help, for guidance, for our weaknesses, becoz it is already our nature. Whenever we feel unable to do anything regardless to the problem we faced, kita tawakkal, and give the rest to Allah swt. We pray for peace in our heart, that’s why He give us the test, to make us realize the purpose of us living and walking in this very earth, the purpose of our existence, for what purpose you say? To be the loyal servant to Him, because that is us, our real selves. Well I guess, that’s all for tonight, enough with blabbering and night walking, get back to sleep, but keep it in mind, our experience is our teacher..Life lesson is an enhancement to our humanity, to improve ourselves, to be a better person in the future, insyaAllah..

May be surrounded byA million people IStill feel all aloneI just wanna go homeOh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to youEach one a line or two“I’m fine baby, how are you?”Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enoughMy words were cold and flatAnd you deserve more than that

Another aeroplaneAnother sunny placeI’m lucky, I knowBut I wanna go homeMmmm, I’ve got to go homeLet me go homeI’m just too far from where you areI wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s lifeIt’s like I just stepped outsideWhen everything was going rightAnd I know just why you could notCome along with me‘Cause this was not your dreamBut you always believed in me

Another winter day has comeAnd gone awayIn even Paris and RomeAnd I wanna go homeLet me go home

And I’m surrounded byA million people IStill feel all aloneOh, let me go homeOh, I miss you, you know

Let me go homeI’ve had my runBaby, I’m doneI gotta go homeLet me go homeIt will all be all rightI’ll be home tonightI’m coming back home

Today is really a special day actually, a lil bit historical, memorable, unforgettable and embarrassing event which happen in my life storyline..Maybe its just a plain story for some people but, for me its really change my life forever..Well, this is the day that I met my Kangkong after all of the journey for almost many years..Actually I met her a long time ago, first I seen her when I was still a kids, and we are at the same class together, she is the bright girl in my class, a lil bit shy and silent, yet so genius..For your information, we were at the same school since at S.R.J.K (c) Cheng Min, we were barely close at that time, just a hi hi bye bye friend, just like when we met, hi sal, bye sal…Yeahh just like that. Love is a strange things isn’t? It’s a lil bit nostalgic actually, but im sure miss that old days..

Then we grew up together, but still, not as close as right now, and I was continue finding my lost identity and so was she..We enter the S.M.K St Michael together, at form 1, we were at the same class together, hihihihihi. Its funny actually, seeing her wearing tudung at the first tym, but yeahh she did it until this very moment, syukur alhamdulillah. And then form 2-3 we were separated and then united again under form 4A until 5A, and yes, I was still searching for her at that time although she is really in front of my eyes..I was trying to find someone but I failed, so I ignore this feeling and continue to live on just like usual. Yet we were so close, seeing each other everyday, hi hi and bye bye every single day..Then after finished SPM, once again we were entering the same school for Form 6 at SMK Muhibbah but in the different class. But then she got offer from government to work for them at Hospital Kinabatangan, then she let go Form6 and accept that offer.

For me, life goes on after that, still searching and keep on searching, continue life like usual, with help from all of my jingkil’s friend, I managed to live this life wildly and happily..You know, goin crazy and stuff, just like the normal kids..But then one day, I met her actually, at the Sandakan Town, yupz..that’s my birth place..First I met her, I saw her walking alone but I didn’t greet her cuz I thought she was in a hurry or sumthing cuz she really didn’t saw me at that time..At that time, tetiber jew aku bermonolog sensorang, ehh itu c sal laa, tia sangka dapat jumpa lagik dea..But that’s was just my feeling, you know, just like missing the old friend. But the second time I met her, this time it was sumthin inside, sumthing unexplainable..This time I met her with her mother, walking at the town, maybe goin out for shopping..So I say hi sal, long tym no see, you know..the same conversation routine, but deep in me, its actually sumthing already..I don’t why but yes, its dup dap dup dap..Then after that small talk, I continue to walk to Pasar to meet my mum actually, there’s sum bisnes but I already forgot what it is.

Then, on my way going home, to the bus station, I met her and her mother again, what a coincidence..Then as usual, ehh kao lagik, hihihihihiihi..Back at home, suddenly I feel..emm..like missing to talk to her again, I don’t why but its started there..Ohyaa, I forgot to tell you, at that time, I was already at UiTM, semester 3 maybe. And then you know, information disseminate very fast with FB, I saw her profile and I add her as friend, and so we starting to contacting each other by facebook, first by commenting her photo, I still remember that photo, wawawawawa. You know how was I at that time, a teaser and a bully, just like to teasing with sum funny words, then I created this name for her, “Kangkong Lenggang”. Why kangkong lenggang you ask? Suka ati aku laa, wawawawawawa, then she call me Kobez yg begulik gulik, ahahahahahahaha, and that name was embedded in our relationship till this very moment, ahahahahahahahahahaha..Cinta sayur sayuran, says one of my friend, hikhikhikhik..

But we still not official just yet, I mean our relationship, not until this day, back at that previous year, exactly at 8pm sumthin, I say those magic words to her, digitally, through Yahoo Messenger.. You know, that 3 magic words..well of course maybe some of you will says, that is not gentleman, you should face to face with her, but we were so far from each other, I am here, at Shah Alam, and she is at Kinabatangan, Sabah, well this is the only way, better than letter perhaps..Responds? well, ask her, hihihihihihi. Maybe she taught I was playing or just teasing her like always at that time, but she didn’t know how hard I am to say those words, then I told her to wait for me until I finish my meeting with my team at that time, you know, assignment stuff..And after I comeback, surprisingly, she really wait for me at YM, well, I told myself at that time, I really have to say it, otherwise I gonna lose her forever..

Well you see, love only come once in your life, once you let it go, its really hard to make it come again, if it did comeback, its not the same anymore..So I said it, and then her answer change our life together..Well that is my story, there so much blank page to write, and our journey still so far away. This gift from Allah swt, this feeling, rasa rindu nih, rasa sayang, rasa cinta, semuanya kurniaanNya. I still remember one very important question that I ask her, last year I recall, I ask her this..Do you know, in my heart, you were in which place? tempat 1? tempat 2? tempat 3? tempat 4? Then surprisingly her answer is correct and yes, even in her heart, I was in fourth place too..So what is first place you ask? 1. Allah swt, 2. Nabi Muhammad s.a.w 3. Ibu dan Bapa, and then there is me and her at the fourth place. And today is our anniversary, to my kangkong lenggang, if you read this, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH..d^^,b

Ohya lupa nak perkenalkan 3P ni ape, 3P stands for Program Pentauliahan Professional, which is a very good program indeed. This program really produced a lot of undergraduate with extra multitasking skill and softskill. Program nih memang mendapat banyak sambutan di UMS, dan pada pendapat saya sendiri, student yang terpilih sepatutnya lebih menghargai program program seperti ini kerana ini untuk kebaikan mereka juga. Antara prgram program yang ditawarkan dalam masa sebulan tuh ialah Microsoft ASP. Net, which is taught by Mr Bambang fanny indarto, and Mr Adriyunus from Indonesia, adobe flash by Mr Iim Rustandi, adobe dreamweaver by Ms Puspa, also from Indonesia,Microsoft SQL by Mr Tekad Matulatan, Network + by Mr Patrick and Mr Sivaneshan, all of them is really pro as a trainer and at the same time, mesra gituu..Well, all of us have a great time at KK together, imagine, we live at the Hotel Grand Borneo for almost 2 months, which is fully sponsored by Prestariang, syukur alhamdulillah..Pengalaman pertama dan pengalaman yang paling menyeronokkan.

Just imagine, waking up in a expensive hotel room, everyday, and having breakfast at that hotel too,and its free!! which is very cool and awesome..But in a long period of time, making that as a routine in daily life also make us feel boring. But that is not the main point here, working with prestariang, well, changes my life a little. There is many experience that I gain from the workfield, especially when working along with the best technician at UMS, Mohd Saifuddin Sairin, a very talented guy that I ever met, well he is the one who teach me a little things with networking and so on. Hoping to met him at KK, and learning new things again, hahahahaha..

Well, ilmu tidak akan pernah mencukupi walau sepanjang mana usia kita sekalipon. At the worksite, I also learn to enhance my softskill, you know, communicating with people, which is really my weaknesses. Well, my boss, Ajau, train me at that whole month, everyday, to gain more confidence in myself. Actually im very in a large debt with Ajau, he is just like my master, my guru and my boss..He teach me lot from a lot of aspect..From work to spiritual enhancement, aku banyak mendalami ilmu agama sewaktu bekerja dengan 3P nih, that’s why its change me a lot. Syukur alhamdulillah I am what I am right now.

I really love this old quote, its remind me how to forgive and smile..But sometime how hard I try to forgive, my heart keeps sulking and say no, I don’t know why this is happening to me, I just want to be happy..I really hate to see that satans laughing at me while watching me angry..In Islam belief, When a person is angry, a satan will come closer to him/her and persuade him/her to angry more while laughing..This is because anger is the main door in our heart which accessible by satan and its only accessible when we are angry..I guess we should put some swipe card authentication to prevent unauthorized satan from entering our heart..How to?? I know some old method, and its 100% working, but sometime for some person, its hard to apply it (susah nak amal)..

What izzit??hihihihihihihi, its so easy actually..After solat/ prayer, whether its sunat or wajib, amalkan Subhannallah x33, Alhamdulillah x33 and lastly Allahuakhbar x33, well you can add on some more powerful zikir after that such as Lailahaillallah x33.. Well for someone who seek forgiveness from Allah swt should add on Astagfirullahalazhim x33..Well, before sleeping, we also can apply this zikir, amek wudhu first, then go to your bed, you can sit in a comfortable position, then zikir… and then try to sleep, insyaAllah you’ll feel great in the next morning..don’t forget to read doa before sleep and after sleeping too alrite? Coz not everyday we will have a chance to wake up like usual..

Well it’s a moral lesson actually, before we speak something, and before we express something, we need to THINK..Izzit true? izzit worth it? can I hurt others with this kind of speech? Izzit necessary? Why I need to? Think before you says something, just like the old malay saying, Terlajak Perahu, walaupun takde gear box, buleh reverse jugak, tapi terlajak kata, padahnya lu sendiri pikiaq laa..Or Metropolitan sayings, “Sebab mulut badan binasa, sebab mulut jugak nasik habis..”well its pretty true..So, kesimpulannyaa, sometime, we made mistakes, sometime its unforgivable, Teda maaf bagimu..some says..But when we do, I mean, its really our mistakes, apologizes, but even if its not our mistakes, apologizes too, its worth it you know, no need for that ego, coz kalu nak turutkan ego dan keras kepala, sampai ke liang lahad masih lagi saling membenci..When that’s happen, well, as your feet reach the padang masyar..Take a good look at yourself, and ask yourself, izzit worth it? Just for some really small matter? Izzit? well, its already to late, when we are already at that place..

Tetiber teringat Dr Haliza plak, tadi kan aku lewat masuk kelas, Sleeping issues, lewat giler giler laa, tapi dok gagahkan hati jugak pergi ke kelas, then Dr just look at me while smiling, why are you late? and I says, lambat bangunlaa puan, then she replied with a bit smile in her face, “Better late than never..” Biar terlewat, daripada tak datang langsung..Well, at that time, I say to myself, this things cannot happen anymore..Its torturing me inside..I really have to work this out, I mean my sleeping issues..Ehh, where were we? dah jauh tersesat nih, apepon, to all my friend out there who read this, im so sorry, deep from my heart, I don’t want to gadoh2, I apologize for all the things that I’ve done, I didn’t mean it, even if I look like angry, I really didn’t meant it, I swear..I love all my friend, and I don’t want to gadoh2..Becoz to me, if I really want to gadoh, its better to gadoh with each of us holding weapon, and kill each other, becoz when we die, we will not see each other face anymore, before reaching Padang Masyar..So, I sincerely apologize, forgive me, I promise, I try not to do it again..And lastly but not least, Think before you speak, Apologize, and Smile, think +ve coz theres nothing to be angry about..Its all in our heart, ALL IZ WELL, ALL IZ WELL, ALL IZ WELL..