I hate lifestyle bloggers. Not just the people broadcasting their top 10 apps for blind children or what the best chairs are for 2015, but also everyone saying "here's how to get sexy six pack abs" while recommending dangerous workout regimens.

I know someone who once published their guide to living more like Paris Hilton, when their only connection to Paris Hilton was that they once ate at Carl's Jr and have also been around a car.

But alas, people read that shit. So, in my ever growing quest for internet attention, I'm starting a lifestyle blog about the lifestyle I know the most about - my own.

In the posts following, I will provide my own guide to living more like me. By simply following my lifestyle guidelines, you too will be happy, successful, handsome and/or beautiful, and all of your wildest dreams will come true.