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Wednesday, December 7, 2005

The title above is an actual subject on one of my spam e-mails from October 23, 2005.

There are over 40 billion e-mails exchanged around the world in one day, and around 40% of that is spam. That's a whole lotta spam. Who falls for this crap anyway?Apparently, a lot of men are falling for these kinds of advertising. Sales of Longitude, penis enlargement pills often advertised on the internet and television a couple years ago, were up around $80 million in 2003. That's a lot of pills, that's a lot of money, and that's a lot of disappointed and short-changed men (pun intended).

And you still see advertisements in other mediums including television and magazines. Everyone knows about that stupid smiling Bob that goes around impressing neighbors, losing his shorts in the pool, and hitting the golf ball further than everyone because of his newfound confidence. Enzyte, made by Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals Incorporated, originally was advertising that it would increase your penis size by 41%.

David Parker, of Sydney Austrailia, had a filed a class action lawsuit against the makers of Enzyte last year. "Mr Parker took Enzyte for the directed eight-month period, but "experienced no increase", the lawsuit stated. "Mr Parker went to get his double-your-money-back offer, and they said it was no longer in effect. The lawsuit states that "Berkeley's failure to honour its 'double your money back' guarantee was deceptive, unconscionable, and fraudulent."

Products like Longitude and Enzyte contain natural herbs and suppliments - many of them believed to increase penis power. Things like ginseng root, ginko biloba, saw palmetto, and maca are believed to have been used as sexual enchancements for centuries.

True, many of the ingredients are showing promise in helping men's health in certain areas. But again, is there the right quantity in the bottle to help? Is it the right quality to help? Is it safe?

Many of these pills say they help increase blood flow to the penis. OK...that's what Viagra does. But it doesn't permanently make your penis bigger. "It makes no sense medically," according to urologist Kenneth Goldberg from Dallas. "There's no way that increasing blood flow to the penis, as Enzyte claims to do, will actually increase its size."

With the Dietary Supplement Health and Education Act of 1994, the FDA's ability to require information on adverse drugs reactions and tests for safety and efficacy for these suppliments is non-existent. In other words, those vitamins you're taking have NOT had to meet any real standards at all.

It's really about making money and selling dreams. "You've got an industry that just can invent something, grind up some root, put it in a bottle, [and] sell it," said Dr. Sydney Wolfe, author of Best Pills, Worst Pills. When you have a company spending over $1 million per month on advertising, it's easy to see where their resources are going.With Enzyte, you'll pay nearly $100 for 60 capsules. Longitude was around $60 a bottle, but cost only $2.50 per bottle to manufacture! Talk about money-maker.

What's the solution?

How about trashing all those stupid spam e-mails? These products prey on a man's obsession with having a bigger penis. It's that simple. They hit on men's insecurties. Couple that with performance anxiety and inferiority complexes, you've got a ton of guys willing to pay a lot of money for a "miracle pill."

Here's a list of some things that do not, may not, might, or do help male sexual health:

1)Various exercise techniques, often called "Jelq" or "Jojido" exercises. This is based on the premise that if you crank your yank in various ways, you'll strengthen the penis and it will grow. This is a bunch of hogwash. After pressing, pulling, and yanking, and tearing, all you're going to get is a sore and inflammed member. Now STOP it!

3)Pumps. Ouch! Pumps don't make you bigger permanently. And you could hurt yourself, Hoover-boy!4)Viagra/Cailis. Do NOT buy this stuff via internet or spam. You do not know what you're getting.

5)Surgery. Side effects include scarring and loss of function. Plus, with the injections, you might end up with a lumpy looking penis. Um, no thanks.

6)Using weights. Again, ouch! Stretching the tunica albuginea is dangerous. Plus, it will probably really really hurt. What if you break it?

7)Proper, safe, proven suppliments. "Nature's Viagra." Make sure to get them from a reputable source that follows the United States Pharmacoepia standards. These helpful suppliments are:Horny goatweed - wow, this stuff actually makes you hornyNiacin - B3 also lowers bad cholestorol and increases the good stuff.Omega-3 fatty acids - does a body goodPycnogenol and L-arginine - Batman and Robin of good penis health.Pycnogeonol is an antioxidant and helps with blood circulation. L-arginine has been known to help with erection duration and quality.OPCs - oligomeric proanthocyanidins (phew!). Powerful antioxidant and blood vessel protector. (By the way, I take these every single day).

8)Getting the right information. Dr. Steven Lamm is an expert in this field, and his book, The Hardness Factor, cuts through all the bull and gives men the facts - and a step by step plan to increase sexual fitness.

PT Barnum said, "There's a sucker born every minute." Don't be a sucker. BUYER BEWARE! So trash that spam, remove that heavy weight you've tied to your unit, and go find some horny goat weed! Then go to a mirror and say, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and I'm HARD enough. And doggone it, people like me!"

* * * **Thanks goes out to Todd The Turtle for the idea to post about this topic. Thanks for the e-mail back in October that lead to my research.

41
comments:

I often get those penis enlargement spams. At first I thought maybe one of my buddies gave the company as a joke. Then a little paranoia set in and had me thinking--"how do they know the size of my manhood".Now I just delete the buggers.

When I read your post, I thought of the old Red Foxx stand-up routine about being so poor that he slept in the same bed with his four brothers. He was forced to alter his masterbation technique so that it resembled warming his hands on a cold day. His penis was then 18 inches long but only as wide as a straw.

I get the "pen1s enlargement" spam mails constantly! They are getting crafty, those spammers. They are starting to put numbers in place of letters to throw off your spam blockers. (notice I used a 1 instead of an I)

If I got an extender-thingy from a bachelor party, I might use it to stuff sausages.

Horny goatweed - it works. In a clinical trial, double-blind/placebo test, 85% of the men reported significant increase and quality of their sex lives. There was a dramatic increase in sexual dreams and fantasies by the men.

This post was funny, but it was also very educational. Men get hit with these stupid ads, and we women get hit with ads that claim to make our breasts grow. Isn't anyone happy with themselves?Very good post.

Yeah I'm a woman and I ALSO get that sort of really dumb spam male about getting penis enlargements. I don't get it - at ALL! LOL -- Your post was pretty funny though. I enjoyed the bit about Enzyte. You notice that almost all of the Enzyte commercials are on Comedy Central? Yeahhhhh...Weird. :-)

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About Me

Blogging since 2005.
Medical sales warrior by day, writing ninja by night...
I am the author of The Mechanica Wars series. The first book, Dragonfly Warrior, will be published in January, 2014 by 4 Wing Press.
I love science fiction, fantasy, literary fiction, biographies, and chocolate chip cookies.
info@jaynoel.com