Grief & Loss

3rd and hardest m/c

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quicksilver77 wrote:

Well, I just finished up my third m/c. Lost my first in august 2013, second in October 2016 and now this one. This one I lost at 10w4d. My doctor thought the heartbeat stopped shortly after it was confirmed at our 8 week appointment. Anyway, I miscarried naturally at home yesterday. The little sac slipped out and I wrapped it up and laid it in the counter. Then I started to bleed profusely and went to the ER due to tennis ball sized clots and no pad being able to hold the blood. So last night I ended up having an emergency d&c to stop the bleeding. It wasn't so bad and in fact I'm grateful that they were able to suction all the blood out so I don't have to endure days of bleeding like what I did with my first two losses.

This morning my husband and I decided we wanted to have the baby's remains tested to see what caused this. I could not put my baby's remains in a plastic bag or a plain brown box. I wrapped the sac in a clean cloth then put it in a gift box with some clean tissue, just so I could present it to pathology in a respectful way. Before I closed the box I told it goodbye as my husband looked on. It was the third time in our 8 year relationship that I have ever seen him cry.

In many ways the first two losses were easier because I didn't have so much time to get attached. I lost them both within a week of finding out. This one just breaks my heart so much because we saw a heartbeat. My doctor said everything was perfect. It really wonder if I can put my shattered heart back together this time.

Sorry for the long post. If you're reading this you've likely experienced your own loss and I'm so very sorry.

I've now had two m/c...one in 2015 at just about 5 wks just after confirmed with a home pregnancy test. One just now at 12wks after confirmed heartbeat at 9wks. What a different way to deal with an m/c...when you hear that heartbeat. You are not alone. Nor is your SO.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I thought of doing the same thing with the remains but was this was our second loss so we will do that if we have a third loss. We saw the heartbeat both times af 6 weeks then at 8 weeks it was gone. It does get better. For me, I'm more afraid of not becoming a mom than I am of miscarrying again so I'll keep trying. But once the fear of a loss overpowers me, we will look into other options. You are not alone- and one way or another you will get a happy ending that you deserve:)

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