Holiday Hecklefest

Delivering toys to all of the world's children in one night, flying a sleigh led by magical reindeer with light-up body parts, and living comfortably with an army of tiny toy builders in the world's northern-most and harshest climate.

But conquering Martians? All Christmas spirit aside, a girl's got to draw the "I believe" line somewhere.

Santa Conquers the Martians is a 1964 feature film about the kidnapping of Santa by a team of very green and very brainless space invaders—because clearly, Mars has no Santa, i.e., no one to give young Martians gifts. B-movie is an understatement for this low-budget masterpiece; let's call it an F-flick with bad costuming, a nonsensical plot line and really abysmal acting.

The film is accompanied by audio commentary by RiffTrax, starring the sarcastic and clever Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett, also known as the comedy geniuses behind "Mystery Science Theater 3000," the popular cult television series that provides informed heckling for B-films with out-of-date copyrights. The man and robot peanut gallery provide holiday jeers for all of the action of Santa Conquers the Martians—polar bear attacks, Martian fistfights, Torg, our favorite poorly constructed, cardboard and ducting robot, and of course, SANTA IN SPACE!