Luke Weil, heir to the Autotote gaming fortune, described how Brown University couldn't bring itself to kick him out because it needed his family's money—"I think I attended less than eight academic commitments"—and added that in boarding school, whenever a classmate would annoy him, he knew "I can just say, 'Fuck you, I'm from New York. I can buy your family; piss off.' "

(Whatever happened to Luke? Well, he has since worked at Bear Stearns
, gone to Columbia Business School, assaulted his ex-girlfriend.) (To be fair, the story also
quotes Holly Peterson, author of The Manny
, claiming her billionaire father "only" subsidized her lifestyle by $600 a month in her twenties. But fuck, why be fair? Prove it, Holly.) Anyway, congratulations, normal kids who can get into Harvard and Yale and whatever other trendhumping money-soaked colleges follow suit on this plan. Trust us, realizing that the hundred laziest, most extravagantly wealthy people in your freshman dorm are the ones who will very soon control the universe is hard enough without knowing you'll be so bogged down in debt you'll have to actually go work for them when you get out.