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Owls on a Raft

Mary Messhausen and I needed some time off. So when our gingerheaded photographer friend Kyle offered to take us to his cottage right by the water, it sounded like the perfect opportunity to leave the busy city behind.

When we arrived at the cabin we found that run-down raft laying by the lakeside. In a heartbeat we hopped on the makeshift vessel. After the first excitement wound down and the fishing was done, we totally chilled out on the raft. So chilled out that we fell asleep.

After what must have been at least an hour we woke up and could barely see the coast. We felt like the biggest gaytards ever.

Chanda would have fried in the sun with her oiled legs, but Chanda is impervious to minor dramas like drifthing away from shore. As she does not experience biological functions like mere mortals, and survives on a diet of vodka (which she always smuggles under her corset), she would probably have saved you two ho bags merely by waving her man sized mitts in the water, and creating a tsunami, delivering you safely home.

I like how Mary Messhausen looks as though she’s holding the sky in place… it’s like you are Stockard Channing slapping the hand of God on the Sistene Chapel in Six Degrees of Separation – the second most memorable scene in that movie (the first being Will Smith’s gay sex scene).

How much is your deductible? Do you have to go for an assessment on your birthday ever year? And if both of your legs are insured for $1.2 million, that means each leg is only worth a paltry $600,000 each – assuming one leg isn’t worth more than the other. That’s nothing when you consider the Lord of The Dance guy’s legs are insured for â‚¤25 million and Keith Richard’s hand alone is insured for â‚¤1 million. I, of course, had my ass insured in 1989 when I discovered I was able to fart “How Much Is That Doggie in the Window?”, capturing the hearts of millions.