1. WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP? Why shouldn't you say
that? Because the sick person doesn't want to ask a favor--it
makes them feel pathetic and obligated to you. Instead of asking
what you can do, just do something.

2. MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU. Why
shouldn't you say that? Because usually it's a bunch of crap.

3. DID YOU TRY THAT MANGO COLONIC I RECOMMENDED?
Why shouldn't you recommend all sorts of your favorite
homeopathic remedies? Because you're not a doctor, and you have
no idea what you're talking about.

4. EVERYTHING WILL BE O.K. Why
shouldn't you say that? Because you have no idea what you're
talking about.

5. HOW ARE WE TODAY? Why shouldn't you say
that? Because it's infantilizing. The person is sick, not three
years old.

6. YOU LOOK GREAT. Why shouldn't you say that?
Because it's bullshit.

And here are a few things you CAN do and say:

1. DON’T WRITE ME BACK. (Who needs another
obligation?)

2. I SHOULD BE GOING NOW. (It's tiring being
sick and trying to be peppy when people come visit).