From the Apparently Kid to Lil’ Kim

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If it’s a trend, a clip, a comment, a moment, a meme, a tag, or a topic, it’s a thing. Thing Tank is a review of the week in things, and rates them either up or down.

YAMMER TIME

Apparently, if you’re a kid at the fair, you don’t watch the news. Apparently, you might not know exactly what’s expected of you when a local news anchor puts a mike in your face. Apparently, the best option then is to blaze your own trail. (And just keep saying “apparently.”) If nothing else, Noah Ritter’s sheer capacity for skepticism is inspiring.

INN DEEP

The New York Post reports that the Union Street Guest House in Hudson, N.Y., threatens wedding couples who book the inn with a $500 fine for negative reviews “placed on any Internet site by anyone in your party.” Understandably, their Yelp page is now an amazing party.

PANIC WOMB

Director Stewart Thorndike posts deeply creepy “Rosemary’s Baby”-via-Brooklyn horror flick “Lyle” starring Gaby Hoffmann (of “Field of Dreams” and, later, “Girls” acclaim) and Ingrid Jungermann (of web series “F to 7th”) for free viewing during the run of the Kickstarter for her next film, “Putney,” which involves four women and a haunted TED talk.

STREET ART

Bay Area jogger Claire Wycoff dazzles the Internet with her large-scale renditions of space invaders, middle fingers, and many, many phalluses, drawn using Nike+ to chart her jogging route on a map. She is one little turtle with a schoolboy cap away from getting into art school.

QUEEN BEEF

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Lil’ Kim and Nicki Minaj continue to slow-roast one of the less interesting beefs of the year, with Kim continuing her Photoshop offensive (especially offensive if you’re good at Photoshop) by pasting Minaj’s head on the cover of her freshly dashed-off diss track “Identity Theft.” Meh. This is making Charlize Theron and Tia Mowry look like Alexis and Krystle.

COLD CALLS

Thousands of otherwise sensible people (including Mayor Marty Walsh) participate in the #icebucketchallenge, filming themselves dumping buckets of ice water on themselves to raise awareness of ALS. Awareness of ALS expands; everything else shrinks a little.

HEARTTHROB OF GOLD

There was one less lonely human rights activist this week, as Justin Bieber shared a photo of himself FaceTiming with young Pakistani education advocate Malala Yousafzai, and announced interest in supporting her Malala Fund. We’ll beliebe it when we see it.