Addressing the victim to offender cycle

Do boys who have been sexually abused go on to commit sexual offences?

In writing this page, we want to be clear up front that research evidence tells us that being sexually abused does not cause someone to sexually offend and that the majority of boys who are sexually abused do not go on to commit abuse.

However this question, whether or not boys who have been sexually abused will go on to commit sexual offences, remains a serious concern that deserves careful consideration. Not just because it is important to consider all possible factors that contribute to sexual offending, but also because too often discussions of the ‘victim to offender cycle’ do not adequately explore the impact of uninformed public discussion on the lives of men subjected to sexual abuse.

Unfortunately, this particular topic has been characterised by misinformation and overly simplistic treatment. There is a common belief that being sexually abused ‘causes’ a boy to become sexually abusive. As a result, many men who have suffered sexual abuse are faced with often overwhelming fear of ‘becoming a perpetrator.’

It is a telling observation that of all the possible ‘outcomes’ of the sexual abuse of boys (such as depression, anxiety, flashbacks, relationship difficulties, disturbed sleep, suicidality, post trauma distress, etc.) the risk of later sexual offending is one of the most researched.

This page aims to do 3 things

Summarize the best available research on the relationship between boys’ and men’s experience of sexual victimisation, and factors that can contribute to an individual committing sexual offences.

Examine the effects and influence of the ‘victim to offender’ idea in the lives of men and boys who have been subjected to sexual abuse.

Consider concerns related to sexualised behaviour by children who have been sexually abused and the problem of abusive thoughts and fantasies.

We recognise that this web page cannot provide a definitive review of the literature on sexual offending and experiences of victimisation. Nonetheless, we hope to go some way to redressing the absence of consideration of the impact of uncritical acceptance of the ‘victim-to-offender’ idea on the lives of boys and men who have been sexually abused.

1. What does the research say about sexual offending?

So, who actually commits sexual offences? What do these offenders have in common?

It is a mistake, when considering the problem of sexual offending, to immediately focus in on the question of whether someone has a history of being sexually abused. There are a range of factors that have been identified as being linked to sexual offending, and there are disputes amongst researchers as to which of these is most significant. For example, some researchers challenge us to look at the role of gender, given that the overwhelming majority of those committing sexual offences are male, with around 80% of boys and 96% of girls sexually assaulted by males.

There is a common, if unsettling, finding from the research on the role of masculinity in sexual offending. Men who commit sexual abuse have a lot in common with men in general, and tend to identify with traditional or stereotypical ideals of masculinity.

Also, when considering sexual offending it is also important to make a clear distinction between deliberate sexual offending as adults, and instances where children exhibit sexualised behaviour or have been forced to act sexually towards other children as part of their own experience of sexual abuse.

Research over the past 40 years has identified a number of risk factors that can contribute to the likelihood of a person committing sexual offences. Compared to the general population, adults who commit sexual offences against children tend to:

Have low social skill/competence, report more feelings of loneliness, more difficulties with intimate relationships, and lack of secure attachment.

Have poorer histories of family functioning, including more harsh discipline, poorer attachment or bonding, and generally worse functioning of their family of origin, including physical abuse, and sexual abuse.

Express more tolerant attitudes to child sexual abuse and minimize the perpetrators culpability.

As we can see from the above list, being sexually abused is only one of a number of factors to be considered when investigating sexual offending.

In fact, research findings suggest that most men who have sexually offended were not sexually abused.

We will now go on to look specifically at research that examines the cycle of abuse. In doing so, we wish to reiterate that regardless of the questions of personal history, risk factors and questions of gender: Each individual who commits sexual abuse has deliberately chosen to do so. It doesn’t just happen.

What does the research say about the ‘cycle of abuse’ and ‘risk’ of abusing?

There is research suggesting that boys who have been subject to sexual abuse are at higher ‘risk’ of offending later in life than boys who have not.

It is important to understand what is meant by ‘higher risk.’ To say that being sexually abused is a ‘risk factor’ for later offending does not mean it ‘causes’ later offending.

One British study examined the future offending behaviour of boys who had been sexually abused. It found that 88%, the vast majority, did not go on to commit sexual offences.

12% of men who were sexually abused in childhood went on to commit sexual offences. This is a significantly higher rate of sexual abuse perpetrated than by the general population of men, and is a serious concern that needs careful investigation. This is what we mean by risk factor — but it certainly doesn’t mean that men automatically go on to commit abuse. This is demonstrated by the 88% who didn’t.

Meta Analysis

In 2009, two US researchers published a paper which reviewed 7 studies of the ‘victim-to-offender cycle.’ They focused on males who had been sexually abused in childhood. They looked for factors which increased or decreased the risk of committing a sexual offence (on children of either gender, adolescent and adult women, or both). In general, their findings did not suggest that there is a straightforward relationship between being abused and offending. Presented below in a simplified form are factors identified as increasing risk of offending:

Masturbation, fantasy, and pleasure connected to abuse.

Physically abused (in addition to sexual abuse) in childhood.

Witnessed high/severe levels of violence in childhood family home.

Sexually abused by both family and non-family abusers.

Some other factors that have been proposed as heightening the risk of offending among boys include: physical abuse, neglect and rejection, witnessing domestic violence in childhood, and other harmful behaviours such as cruelty to animals. Another variable to be aware of is that an appropriate, supportive response at the time of disclosure can diminish the likelihood of future offending behaviour (Wilcox, Richards et al., 2004).

In all cases, the findings are about ‘higher risk,’ not ‘cause and effect’

In noting the evidence that some boys subjected to sexual abuse have committed sexual offences, it is important to not over generalise and treat all boys and men who have been sexually abused as having a potential for future offending. An early review study of the ‘Cycle of child sexual abuse’ (commissioned by the United States General Accounting Office at the request of a Committee of the US House of Representatives) found so little evidence to support this idea that they discounted focussing on sexually abused boys as an effective way to prevent future sexual abuse.

There is no doubt that all the above information presents a complicated picture. In a sense, this is helpful because it illustrates that there is no straightforward link between abuse and abusing. There are two clear messages:

Being sexually abused does not cause someone to sexually offend.

The majority of boys who are sexually abused do not go on to commit abuse.

2. The impacts on men of the victim-to-offender idea

Effects on men who were sexually abused

Men who have experienced sexual abuse repeatedly comment on how disturbing the ‘victim to offender’ idea is to them. What we hear, again and again, is an absolute outrage about the horror of child sexual abuse. We hear how distressed they are at the suggestion that they would do something to harm a child.

Counter to this idea, men who have been sexually abused often express a fierce commitment to protecting and caring for children in their life. Nevertheless, the ‘victim to offender’ idea is out there in the community.

The idea of the ‘victim-to-offender’ cycle:

causes distress in its own right. It stops boys and men from disclosing sexual abuse due to the fear of being viewed as a potential offender. Even though he knows he presents no danger, he is likely to be concerned that others, including those close to him, will view him with suspicion.

has men feeling that they need to be constantly on guard, monitoring their thoughts and behaviours in case they become ‘possessed.’ Men who have been sexually abused report being very much aware of ideas that they might be ‘contaminated’ or experience the ‘vampire effect,’ because of what was done to them.

The suggestion of a secret, hidden desire lurking in the subconscious can lead a person to engage in high level monitoring of their inner world of thoughts and feelings, searching for signs of ‘becoming a potential abuser’ — something that is exhausting and from which there can appear no escape. It is not surprising that men can become caught up in this painful, internal self monitoring, given that ‘hyper vigilance’ of the outer world is already familiar to them, something developed as a child as a means to evade further sexual abuse (through constant monitoring of the environment, of what is being said, the tone used, where people are, awareness of possible danger signs).

The fear of ‘becoming an abuser’ stops sexually abused men from developing intimate relationships, marrying, having children, becoming fully involved in parenting, bathing or changing the nappy of their children, playing with or coming into contact with children, from relaxing, and from trusting in themselves. Here are two men’s accounts of how the victim to offender idea has impacted on their lives:

A man in 30s remembered hearing professionals talking with his family when he was 10 years old, after disclosure of sexual abuse. What stuck with him was their expressed concerns that because he had been abused he would become an abuser. He says ‘Now I think that what I heard about them worrying about me becoming an abuser did as much damage as the abuse itself. I was scared to have kids, in case the monster waiting inside appeared. It was only when I held my daughter that I knew that I was ok. That was 17 years of unnecessary hell in my head.’

A man in his 50s, in a men’s sexual abuse support group, spoke passionately about his commitment to living a life based on not harming or abusing others, and acting to assist people in need. ‘My fear is that, if I get Alzheimers disease or something, I will forget all these things that are important to me. Maybe then ‘it’ will come out and I’ll hurt or abuse someone.’

It is not only the popular media and public myths about male sexual abuse that promotes the victim-to-offender cycle. As in the first quote above, some boys and men have encountered well-meaning professionals who are misinformed about the links between being sexually abused and sexual offending. The research and clinical literature about boys and men who have been sexually abused has not always helped matters, encouraging counsellors and therapists to interact with men who have had unwanted sexual contact as potential abusers (Ouellette, 2009).

The critical psychologists Ruth Miltenburg and Elly Singer published an article in 2000 about the way a lot of psychological research has a problem oriented focus which does not account for the fact that “…despite horrific experiences, many people nevertheless succeed in constructing a satisfactory life for themselves.” They argued that in order to understand how child abuse influences people, we need to really listen to what people say about the moral decisions they make in living their lives. What has not been the subject of comprehensive research is what influences and supports men sexually abused in childhood to better care for and protect children.

Some questions a man might consider

For those men sexually abused in childhood, it can be useful to take some time to consider how the victim-to-offender idea has impacted on your life:

Has the fear of abusing been a source of worry for you?

How has fear of abusing affected the way you relate to children in your life? How has it affected your relationship with other people you are close to?

If you are a parent or carer, has fear of abusing influenced how comfortable you are with having intimate, caring, loving feelings towards your children? If so, how?

If you are not a parent, has fear of abusing influenced this decision in any way?

How would you behave differently in your relationships if this fear was not a factor?

If you worry about the possibility of children being abused, and take steps to protect children and avoid harm, what might that say about your intentions, about the kind of person you are trying to be?

What values are important to you in terms of how you believe children should be treated?

How might you act according to these values in ways that promote greater safety, care and support for children? How might this mean you are different from the person who abused you?

Why does this idea persist?

Given that the evidence is clear that most sexually abused boys do not go on to commit sexual abuse, how can we explain the enduring power and appeal of this idea of a cycle of abuse? Various authors have suggested a few reasons, including;

It is a simplistic explanation. Given the complex and frightening realities of child sexual abuse, it is not surprising that a neat, simple ‘circle’ explaining why such shocking things happen is reassuring. It is less confronting than the reality that some people make a deliberate choice to sexually abuse a child.

It fits neatly in with some old ideas of ‘contamination’ and ‘the vampire bite.’

If the ‘risk’ is contained to a group of ‘others’ – men who were sexually abused – of which we are not a member, then it is less confronting for us.

It means not having to confront the cultural conditions that allow child sexual abuse to happen. If sexual abuse can be explained by individual life history, we are not confronted to address more challenging, bigger societal factors, such as trying to explain and address the fact that the majority of sexual offences against children are committed by males.

3. Worries about abusing

Sexualised behaviour as a child

Some men and women remember and express concern that when they were children or young people, they initiated sexually inappropriate or abusive contact with other children after they were sexually abused. Some report that as children or young people they were pressured to do this by the person who offended against them, sometimes threatening, coercing or encouraging them to do this. We have spoken with adults who believe these behaviours ‘prove’ that they are a future risk to others.

It is important to make a distinction between adults deliberately engaging in sexually abusive behaviour and the actions of children or young people. When young people or children experience a sexually traumatic event (which could include an instance of sexual abuse, or living in an abusive environment), it is not uncommon that they ‘act-out’ — what experts call ‘reactive sexualised behaviour.’ Obviously this behaviour can cause great distress and should be taken seriously. However, it is understood that children’s responses to traumatic events can be driven by confusion, distress and impulsive attempts to ‘self-soothe’ (attempting to manage upsetting thoughts and feelings). Trauma-related sexualised behaviour is often short-lived and can be resolved when a child or young person is offered appropriate support (from a counsellor or a responsible adult in their lives).

In contrast, most adults who commit sexual abuse are very deliberate, planned and calculated in how they go about it. While some researchers stress the role of opportunity, sexual abuse is not likely to ‘just happen.’ (The exception to this may be for some people who have a cognitive/intellectual disability which can cause them to act impulsively).

If you reacted to being abused as a child by acting out sexually, it is understandable that this may be a source of great distress to you now. It may also be useful for you to find an informed counsellor to help make sense of what occurred. However, assuming this behaviour stopped in childhood, in itself it does not mean you are going to commit a sexual offence now as an adult.

Thoughts and fantasies related to abusing

Men sexually abused in childhood report being distressed by sexualised thoughts and fantasies, particularly relating to causing someone harm. Everybody has fantasies and thoughts, including sexual thoughts. Some of these thoughts help us to feel pleasure and sexual enjoyment in healthy relationships. Others might be a source of embarrassment, shame, guilt, or concern. Unfortunately, there are so many mixed and conflicting messages about sex that even healthy, non-abusive sexual thoughts can cause people distress.

There is a difference between what happens in nightmares and how we behave when awake, between fantasy and reality. We all have thoughts we don’t actually act on. While we do want to challenge the idea that all men who were sexually abused are ‘potential offenders’, we equally don’t want to dismiss anyone who is genuinely worried about their own abusive thoughts and potential for committing sexual abuse. The first thing to say is: If you are making plans to set up a situation to sexually abuse a child or anyone else, seek appropriate help as soon as possible, call a helpline, talk to someone who can assist you.

If you are having sexualised thoughts of abuse, being worried by these thoughts is a better response than not worrying. As we saw above, sexualised abusive fantasies (especially while masturbating) can be one of the risk factors for committing abuse. It is highly likely that these thoughts and fantasies disturb and distress you even if you have no intention on acting on them and therefore it is important you obtain appropriate professional help from someone who is familiar working with men who have been sexually abused.

10 comments

Comment by megi

I’m a female, and I was sexually abused as a child by my father. So many of the things written about here apply to me, especially such things as acting out sexually as a child and fear of becoming an abuser. I over heard people talking about this” victim to offender” when I was little and so far throughout my life, I have been afraid to so much as stand near men that are older than me and even some my age. I also refrained from talking to at all children, out of fear that I might hurt them, Or that someone might think I was going to, But I love kids so much and I want to protect them and make them happy. Until finding this page I was planning on never having children and even maybe not having sex out of fear for what I might become. However now, I’m starting to believe, I might not turn into my own worst nightmare.

Comment by Jess [Living Well Staff]

Thanks for adding your thoughts to this page and sharing your experiences.

I’m so glad to hear that his information has helped you a bit to overcome your fears. Please know that you are not alone in having these kinds of thoughts and concerns. I think the fact that you have been so worried about it shows how much you want to make sure any children in your life are safe and happy. That is a huge protective factor.

The importance of being active in addressing the impacts of abuse and working to improve your life and relationships cannot be overstated. It sounds like you are working hard to do that (you wouldn’t be on this page otherwise!) so I really want to commend you for that. I know it is not easy, so this says a lot about your strength.

Take care of yourself through all this.

Comment by Jonno the Conqueror

There’s no such thing as the bite of the vampire. We all have choices and those who have been subject to abuse or those who haven’t have the same choices. Judgement can be clouded due to a variety of reasons but no reason excuses or justifies abuse. That’s why experienced counsellors such as Mike Lew refuse to allow abusers who were abused into group settings with survivors who have not offended, never the twain shall meet!

Comment by Soulinavessel

I’m a female and me and my sister were molested by our brother. He did this from a young age (around 10yrs old) especially with my little sister since she was 5 years younger than him and more vulnerable where as I was 3 years younger than him. We had confronted him every time it happened and he would deny it however recently we confronted him and he not only admitted to what he did but said that the same thing happened to him. I remember my sister telling me he wanted to penetrate her anally and assuring her that it wouldnt hurt. How did he know this and what made him say such a thing? Someone must have said and done the same thing. I feel sorry for the child he was but how did thay scared child turn into the monster he would have once been afraid of? He also has said he forgives the family member and non family members who did this to him and cant see why we hate him. He even hangs out with the family memer who sexually traumatised him from a disturbingly young age. I will always want to save that child who was on his own and was silenced by these monsters, if this had not happened would he have been a normal? What baffles me is his disgust at being abused yet lack of empathy to us who he has abused with the intention of doing the same damage and attempting to repeat what happened to him. This is something that will never leave me, it haunts me more than my own abuse. I will be extra vigilant with my children and anyone near them, I’d rather be paranoid than sorry.

Comment by Soulinavessel

I don’t have children, I meant in the future. Although I’m attracted to men I find it hard to visualise or find pleasure it the thouhght of being intimate. I hope I get over this as I would love a family of my own too see what childhood should be and to raise beautifully kind people.

Comment by Jess [Living Well Staff]

Soulinavessel, Thanks for getting in touch. I am so sorry to hear that you and your sister were sexually abused, and of the lack of empathy and support your brother has shown to you since.

We know that it can be particularly difficult for someone who has been sexually abused themselves to understand a situation like your brother’s. When someone who has been abused themselves goes on to abuse and hurt another child, when they know how distressing and painful it is, it just doesn’t seem to make sense.

It must be particularly difficult to hear your brother is now in contact with the people who abused him, yet does not understand your negative feelings. I would not presume to know what is going on inside your brother’s head, and why he is making the choices he is. It is understandable that you would hate the person that assaulted your brother, in light of the fact that he then went on to abuse you. I can see how you could say that it was your brother’s abuser that then ‘caused’ you to be sexually abused.

I am not sure if your brother has thought of it this way, or thought of how his continued contact with the person who abused him is hurtful and upsetting to you and your sister, given the distress and pain you have subsequently suffered. Some people who have experienced sexual abuse, and then gone on to commit sexual abuse themselves, may minimise or wish to deny the suffering the abuse has caused them or others. This could be thought of as a way to make sense of it in his mind in order to operate in the world. It can be too personally and emotionally confronting otherwise, so the person will just shut down emotionally and distance themselves from the person that they sexually abused.

When sexual abuse occurs within families it can often be much more confronting and painful. Unlike when the attack is committed by a stranger, you are confronted by the presence or knowledge of the person who abused you in an ongoing basis. This is why some people will distance themselves from the family – in order to protect themselves.

I hear that one of the important supports you have is your sister, and that you have been there for each other. It is dreadful that you and your sister have had to go through this, and that your brother’s denial has caused ongoing hurt. It is completely understandable that you would be watchful and want to make sure children are safe. It’s also understandable that it is difficult for you to visualise being intimate with a man, or that it could bring pleasure.

It is a testimony to the kind of person you are, and want to be, that you speak of the importance of raising children in a safe, caring, beautiful environment. I would encourage both of you to find a good counsellor who can assist you to better manage in the present, and build the positive supportive lives you deserve.

I hope my response assists in some small way in encouraging you to continue to prioritise your well being. I wish you the best.

Comment by Pamra Olson

My brother two weeks ago was arrested and confessed to molesting his 7 year old great granddaughter. Her mother came forward and stated that he molested her when she was around the same age and that the relationship continued until around three months ago. We come from a very abusive childhood, my sister and I were abused when we were 6 and 4 by a baby sitter, and the abuse continued from there. Our stepfather, his friends, fathers of the kids we babysat for and my brother. We were also physically abused everyday with beatings for the slightest offense. My brother who is the oldest was abused by a man he worked for when he was 12, before that he was abused by Uncles and was sexualized by porn from my step father. The pedophilia came as the biggest, most amazing surprise of my life. I thought I was going to die from the shock! He of course always denied his abuse as an adult while my sister and I accused, proclaimed and requested validation only to be told repeated that we were liars. Now we are validated, he is talking about his abuse, apologising for what he did to us his sisters and accepting the consequences. He told me in the 1st phone conversation since I learned about him that the truth is that he has molested all of his Granddaughters and Great Granddaughters and that one was angry because she couldn’t have candy for breakfast and told on him, this is the only one he has confessed to. My brother grew up to be one of those men I hate and I am so stuck on the fence because I love him also and it tears me apart. He told me that he developed these urges when he was a teen around 15. He admitted to molesting a girl he babysat for. He has molested two generations of girls in his family, I know he is a groomer, I know he is very sick. I know he desperately needs help but he most likely won’t get it in the Prison System, and I am so worried that he will be killed in prison because we all know what happens to pedophiles in prison. It has been so heart breaking to try to wrap my head around all of this, do I report regarding the other girls? Will they get help if they aren’t reported I am so torn. He will go to prison for ever if it comes out that he molested 10 girls over 24 years. As an abuse survivor I am one of those girls! I feel like I have lost my innocence again. I have a supportive husband, therapist and psychiatrist so I know I am going to get through this. I have had the rug pulled up from under me and I am still waiting to hit the ground. Do you ever really know somebody?

Comment by Marina

Hi, reading this was really helpful. I am a 26 yr old female who, at the age of 4 committed child on child forced sexual touching (playing doctor) against the girls will. It has disturbed me and for several years growing up I was terrified that I would hurt other girls, but never did. I finally told someone about my fears of being a pedophile when I was 25 and it helped to understand that just because I’m afraid of doing something, doesn’t mean I will act it out. It helped my self esteem to not feel as much like a freak and I haven’t really struggled with that fear as I used to. Also, I have recently been learning about child on child abuse and have started to believe that my act may have been a result of prior abuse towards me, though I have no memory of it. I have same sex attraction so this is all confusing and I am hoping that things will start to surface. I have shuddered and had physical feelings of remembering something but nothing substantial in memory. Thanks for posting this. I just wanted to share my story. I believe that more women struggle with these things but don’t speak out about them and I feel that it is wrong to not represent women in these topics because there is so much shame.thank you for normalizing this!

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