‘If You Were The Right Kind Of Bish You Would Walk In Here And Say I’m Not Gone Fight’ RHOA Episode 5 Recap

Lord, and Andy Cohen, willing, last night was the actual last night fans of the Real Housewives of Atlanta would have to stomach the likes of Kim Zolciak on the Bravo TV show. Though the only white girl in the crew has added a certain level of drama to the series, at the fifth season, people are just about over her, and from last night’s episode she appears to be over the series as well. The good thing for the network — and reality TV suckers — is there’s plenty of new drama in town to take her place and we definitely saw that in full effect Sunday night. Check out the highlights of episode 5.

Am I the only one who breathed a sigh of relief watching Kim and her two daughters chat over lunch last night? With a mother like Kim, you really wouldn’t expect her daughters to have too much sense, particularly having to endure the rumors and media speculation that follow them from being on reality TV, but Brielle proved she has more sense than her mother last night.

When the youngest of Kim’s daughters asked whether her older sister’s birth was planned, Brielle immediately stepped in with the common sense response of “nobody wants a kid at 19” while all Kim had to say was having a baby so young didn’t cramp her style. (so lost) But when the girls began to clown their mom’s claims that Kash was her last baby for a while — because she said the same thing after KJ — Brielle immediately stepped into Planned Parenthood mode and told her mom:

“There’s this wonderful thing that God created and it’s called birth control and I’m going to make sure you take it.”

Please do, Brielle. Please do.

Kenya is pushing up — hard

The newest addition to the RHOA cast is a prime example of why you can’t let every woman around your man. It’s not uncommon for a semi-single woman to flirt with a married man, it’s an entirely different type of brawd who is bold enough to push up on your man in front of you and that’s precisely what we saw with Kenya last night. One compliment on another woman’s husband can be taken as polite. Two compliments, particularly referencing his buff body and likening him to a model, is cause for a whoop that trick moment. Phaedra may have spoken too soon when she said she liked Kenya because she crossed the lines in the foursome semi-business meeting with Apollo . She was right about one thing though, Kenya is a strange bird — emphasis on bird.

The cast is going on a ‘Why Did I Get Married’ trip

In theory, going on a trip with a group of couples should be safer than an all girls vacation because, let’s be honest, too many women in one space can get way too catty sometimes, but I don’t have any hope for what these folks have planned. Cynthia and Peter have the bright idea to take a couple’s excursion to Anguilla which I forsee as a double the people, double the trouble “Why Did I Get Married” situation waiting to happen. And as we already saw from the previews for next week’s episode, Kenya continues her operation push up on Apollo antics making me think there may be a need for some law enforcement.

Peter wants to walk down the aisle again

Normally I would think, aww how cute, if a man said he wanted to renew his vows with his wife. When I hear Peter express that sentiment I just think, umph. Maybe it’s because Cynthia and Peter seem like they should have never walked down the aisle in the first place — I mean when your mom and sister hide your marriage certificate you know it’s serious. But Peter just seems low-key sleazy and suspect. But I guess this is better than divorce.*Shrug*

Newsflash:There are only 265 days in the year

I just wanted to make sure you knew because before last night I always thought there were 365 days in a year. Go figure. At this time I would like to nominate a highly educated nanny to have a strong presence in the lives of the children Porsha wants to bring into the world.

Porsha wants 4 babies and 2 pregnancies

We’ve already established Porsha isn’t good with nmbers, but this time she actually sort of knows what’s she’s talking about. The young and bubbly newbie is anxious to be come a mother but not without a few reservations. Though the housewife wants four babies, she’s only interested in being pregnant two times, which means she and her hubby are going to go to great lengths to pop out twins and knock out these pregnancies in a couple of blows. #RichHousewifeProblems

Nene schools Kim on what the right kind of bish is

Here’s the real newsflash of the season, Nene is back — loud talking, set you straight, read you up and down, cuss you out Nene from season 1. Up until last night, Nene was playing it cool with Kim, being cordial even, but after she claimed her former friend lied on her, well, the gloves came all the way off.

While clowning Kim for her unfounded need for security, Nene told her she shouldn’t have to ask for someone to have her back.

“If you were the right kind of b***h, you would walk in here and say I’m not gone fight cuz I don’t want to.

Kim Peaces out

I would call Kim’s walk out a rash financial decision considering she knows good and well she doesn’t have any money-making outlet to fall back on besides Kroy’s subpar NFL salary, but with news that her spinoff “Don’t Be Tardy” has been renewed I’ll keep that comment to myself. What I love most about Kim’s walkout is Kroy getting buck with the cameraman. I guess there’s one person out there who will defend her sillyness.

Kenya believes in looking and not touching

In response to the reaction Kenya got for looking like a low-key man-stealer, the housewife wrote a blog post to explain what she calls “the Apollo situation.” Here’s her take on her behavior:

All present knew that it was not flirting. Phaedra had no issues with my compliments or jokes nor did my guy. And who flirts with their mate present if they were up to no good? Really, who does that? It was lighthearted and harmless people. It is still my opinion that Apollo is fine and Phaedra is a lucky woman but that is Phaedra’s husband. And I’m not interested in her husband or anyone else’s husband. Enough said.