Enjoy handmade but just don't have the time to do it yourself. Give my shop a try.

My Family Confections

If you smile a lot now, when you're old you'll look like you're smiling all the time. Even if you're not. It's really much better to have people think you're always happy than to say, "She's not mean that's just her face."

Pickles are nature's way of saying, "Enjoy a cucumber this winter."

The science fair is not called "The Evil Science Fair" for a reason. We really should avoid blowing things up. That means no dry-ice bombs even if you claim to be doing research on greenhouse gases.

Mold doesn't grow that fast! If it did we'd all be covered in it and/or be dead. (Said in response to a daughter thinking mold had grown on her ice-cream in less than five minutes and she was going to get sick and die from it.)

Lift your arms so I can hit you. (A sister said to a brother)

Don't eat the cat food.

Don't eat dog food!

Fair is fair. If you get to shoot an apple off your brother's head, he get's to shoot an apple off your head.

Take the fork out of your nose!

Bubba-nick? Do you mean Bubonic? As in Bubonic Plague?

No you won't get bubba-nick, I mean the bubonic plague.

You should name your first child Bubba-nick!

You can not get botulism from drinking out of your cup that has been setting on the counter for 2 minutes.

You don't have throat cancer.

You don't have leprosy.

It's rough when my fans don't adore me.

It's all fun and games until someone gets hypothermia.

Mountain men don't wear short shorts.

Do you REALLY HAVE to talk like Tarzan at the table?

DROP the monkey!

There IS a striking similarity between the "Cowboy" dance and the "Potty" dance. It's easy to get them confused.