The first time I went to Melt, it was with my brother, who hasn't lived here for a dozen years. Needless to say, we both howled when we saw the Parmageddon, which has kraut and pierogis (mmmm...). Only in Cleveland.

The McRib (or the McShit, as Sam Kinison called it) was neat when I was 7. Now, I laugh because of Kinison and the episode of the Simpsons where Homer follows KrustyBurger's Ribwich around the country. There was a group of people who did this, made to be like Deadheads. My favorite episode of all-time.

I vote for a double char dog @ The Weiner's Circle in Lincoln Park, Chicago. Although some places, like Superdog in Avondale, Chicago are reputed to be better, The Weiner's Circle delivers a much needed verbal assault with every order. These range from abusive to obscene, which is even more amplified because Lincoln Park is pretty monied and yuppie and pretentious.

Krazy Jim's Blimpie Burger in Ann Arbor, MI is also a must. Fresh, made-to-order burgers, 100% custom, somewhat greasy, and also, extensive verbal abuse. The last time I was there, about a decade ago, the longstanding record was 32 patties. I can beat this and am training to do so.