Friday, September 08, 2006

True Wife Confessions 68 Guns. (The Alarm WAS one of my first concerts)

Confession #671

I married you partially because we were so fucking hot together. And here we are, years later, still hotter than ever. I love you more and more every day. You are an amazing father, a wonderful husband and still turn me into an animal in the bedroom. I know how lucky I am to have you and when you tell me the same, I know we will be together forever. Thank you for being the special person you are, and thank you for making me feel so incredibly loved on a daily basis.

Confession #672

I hate it when you talk badly about my parents. They may not be the most refined people in the world and are far from perfect, but they are kind and loving and would do anything for my brother and myself. Just because you had no relationship with your father and have a bad relationship with your mother it does not give you the right to try and sabotage the relationship I have with my parents. When you call them "white trash" and other names and then thank god that I am adopted and not genetically related to them it hurts me more that you know. They ARE my parents, not some stranger that I don't know. I love them more than I could ever love you and was lucky to have had them choose me. I don't think that anyone could have had a more loving, supportive and giving mom and dad than I did. Most of the time I just feel sorry for you when you go on your rants about them because you will never know what it is like to have a family that loves you no matter what. I only hope that I am half the mother that mine was and is.

Confession #673

It is really sad when you realize that you are still together onlybecause you can't afford to split up. I support us on my income alonenow, but there is no way for me to afford child care without you.Having never pursued a career other than stay-at-home Dad, you haveno way to earn enough to support yourself - much less pay child support.

Confession #674

I love looking at you from behind, when you are walking away and don't know it.I love your runner's body and your strong legs and tight behind.Mostly though, I love that you are attracted to me and can't keep your hands off me even though I am in the worst shape I have ever been in my life.

Confession #675

Your family always comes before I do. I asked you to explain to them why next September is not a good time for your brother to get married and you wouldn't do it. You wanted me to say something to them myself. When I did, you jumped my case. Why would your family plan a wedding at the same time of the year that you and I had a preemie and then lost him 11 days later.

I'm almost positive you knew the exact date all along. The wedding is the day before his birthday. You really want me to go back to the place where we lost our son at the same time of the year that we lost him?

You keep telling me I do nothing to help the fragile relationship with your family. Planning this wedding the day before our angel's birthday is not helping. They don't want me there anyway. I'm not going. You can't make me. Be mad if you want. I will not put myself through that.

If you think it is going to be hard for you to go then, tell your family. If they were considerate people, they would do something about it.

Confession #676

Baby, I confess that I married you because I didn't know what I would donext in life if I didn't do that. I really liked you, but you were asecurity blanket, and I recognized that even if I never learnt to love you,nothing could be as bad as the life I had lived before I met you.

But I did learn to love you. God, what a bunch of growing up that was.Learning that it wasn't just me anymore, but you and me. And when we finallymoved away from your parents house (and they stopped walking in when we hadsex), oh, happy day! I'm glad that we moved to a new city, a new state, andfinally became good enough for each other; good enough to each other.

So now, instead of just a lazy young girl who takes odd jobs because shecan't see her own self worth, you've helped me mature into a careerwomanwith a steady, successful job where I am valued and enjoyed, and also givenme the courage to think about and begin planning for my own business. I nowown my own car (my first ever!), am losing all of this stupid weight becauseof the PCOS (which I would have never found out about because you pushed meto go to the doctor), and have a better life than anyone I've ever known.You PUSHED me to be independent, and my own person, and self reliant.

So, every time I talk to you in that silly 'baby' voice, or cling to you sothat we can snuggle just a half hour more on Saturday morning, or when I crybecause I'm scared that I'll never have your children, know that it'sbecause you completely turn me inside out! You make every fantasy a realityfor me, and you support me even when you have deadlines at work, and you'retired, and you're worried about your parents. You've shown to me that mymother, stepfather, and father were really not good examples of what peopleshould be, and you've helped me rise SO much higher than my mother ever didin all her years.

I do love you. Desperately. I think I'll print this one day and give it toyou, just so that you'll know.

Confession #677

I confess, I want to have sex with you at least twice a day. And I reallylove the fact that you like to receive oral so much. You're the best, mostcompetent and thoughtful lover I've ever had, and being with you makes mebreathless...Over and over again!

I confess that even though you let me have other lovers because you don'tenjoy S & M, I still wish that all of them were you. And I confess that Istill see one of those men for 'scenes' when you work and I have theafternoon off.

I confess that it pisses me off when you forget that I'm a competent womanand that, even though it took me a while to be assertive and responsiblewith my finances and my life, I can do it on my own.

I confess that I hate your brother. I've never liked him; I tolerate himbecause he'll be all you have when your parents die. And I also confess thatI think that the reason he's had so many problems with failed marriage isbecause I think he's a selfish, egotistical, workaholic asshole that takesadvantage of other people's charity.

Confession #678

I confess that I am so afraid that your parent's are going to die. They'rethe parents that I never had, and it pains me that one day they won't bethere for me, but more so I know that I won't really have my time to mournthem, because I'll need to be supportive for you.

I never got over my aunt dying. I just don't know how, and every day I thinkof her, and miss her, and my chest still gets tight and I still want to crybecause she's gone. It's been almost two years, and I still hurt like thefirst day.

I confess that I cheated on you several times after we got married. Three,to be honest, and would have more, but I was scared of getting caught. AndI'm sorry for each one of those times. I was sorry even when I was doing it.

I confess that I almost killed myself one night before we got married, andthe only thing that stopped me was the thought that you'd be devastated if Idid.

Confession #679

Honey, thank you for saving me, who knows where I might be if not for you ! I love you more than life. You are my rock. Thank you for 21 great years and 5 beautiful daughters. I hate that my family was so screwed up and you have to know that I come from that. I am so glad that I have you but I do not deserve you....I have thought about cheating a lot..Just so you would leave me and everyone would know I was trashy like my Mom.

Confession #680

Your old bottle of cologne didn't fall into the sink and break. I threw it away because it made you smell like the air freshener in a taxi. I like the one I gave you to replace it much better.

675 - I lost my father in September and although it was many years ago, it still pains me to this day. I really think that losing someone is something that you don't really ever get over, but merely get through it and learn to handle it.

That said, I agree with 11:37am in that asking them to change their wedding date is a tad bit selfish. Maybe try to turn a terribly upsetting thing into a happy family memory.

Life goes on for everyone even when someone awful happens to someone else. That's life.

Maybe sit down with him and his fmaily and tell them that you are going to attend but would appreciate the understanding that it will an emotional day for you and if you need to leave or feel like you cannot handle the situation, then you must leave. Hopefully that works out for you.

I can't even begin to understand the pain you feel at losing a child. I am so sorry for your loss.

That said, perhaps now is as good a time as ever to try and turn this time into a positive memory with the celebration of love. You loved your child obviously very much, funnel that into this celebration of love and try to go with your heart instead of your fragility.

I can understand the mindset taken when saying people should accomodate things you feel are important, but not everyone will be sensitive about these things as you would be having suffered through them. For them, even though i'm sure they were sad, they've moved on too.

I hope and pray that you find the strength to go... to immerse yourself in family and love and maybe find the strength to put the memory of your child in loves light.

677 - That is the weirdest thing I have ever read on here. You have other partners other than your husband and he thinks it's ok...you so realize that he has other partners too right? How would that make you feel. You come across very self centered. Try sex addicts anonymous and don't be surprised when he leaves you.

My brother died 30 years ago at the age of 16, and Mom turned the calendar into a minefield for our family. My oldest sister can't celebrate her birthday, because it is the day before his would have been.

They buried him on Mother's Day, so each year, it is anyone's guess as to whether a Mother's Day card is acceptable or not. In the years that I don't send her one, those are the years that she decides that NOT sending her one is the insult.

My brother-in-law can't bring one of his brothers over to my parents house, because that brother was born in the same year as my brother. She interprets his presence as a mockery, but it's not like he chose when to be born.

I am begging you, please, please do not turn into my mother. There is so much more to life than pain and anger and bitterness.

#675 - You don't say how long it has been since you lost your baby. If it has been only a year or two, then I could understand and even agree that it may not be the most sensitive thing to plan this wedding at this time. However, I know you can't put a timetable on grief, but eventually it gets easier to live with. It has to. Maybe you should seek grief counseling. It helped me enormously when I lost my first baby. I think about him every day. He would have been 8 years old last month, but for 6 years now I have been able to live the month of August just like everyone else. It is a sadder month than the other 11, but I am capable of being happy and going to weddings and last year I even went to a birthday party for the child of a friend who would have been only one year younger than my baby. Life goes on.

To expect other people to postpone their happiness is not only unreasonable and unfair, it is unhealthy. I know you are not crazy, you are just dealing with something too big to handle by yourself. I really hope you will get some help.

I think you all are being kinda mean to this woman who is approaching the first anniversary of the death of her child. She has come here to confess that she just doesn't think she can celebrate anything at the exact time of year her child died. That doesn't make her selfish. That makes her human. And shame on you all for judging her. 11:37 did you go to a wedding on the anniversary your baby died? 2:01 you are terrible, "Get over yourself"? She's trying to get over her child! Shame on you! I will say that there are supportive comments too.....that were not judgemental. 675, I say do what you gotta do to get through this. And if that means not attending a wedding, then so be it. Every day gets a little bit better, as I'm sure you know. Your baby is an angel now and you will see him someday.

10:46 - she never said it was the 1st anniversary. It may be the 1st it may be the 10th. You are right. 2:01 was nasty, but everyone else was trying to help her. It may not sound as nice to tell someone they should try to move on, but it is ultimately kinder than giving them permission to wallow in their grief indefinately. Trust me. I know that the voice of one person telling her to do what she wants to do, which is wallow, will be heard louder than the voice of 100 people who try to put her on the very difficult path to healing.

9:27, I never told her to wallow in her own pity. I told her to do what SHE had to do to get through this time in her life. As for the time, yes it sounds to me like it is very fresh, my opinion only. I don't think telling someone not to attend a wedding she clearly doesn't want to go to is the same as telling someone to wallow in their own pity. She clearly doesn't feel any support from these people, so why should she put herself out there. Thus doing what she needs to do. Please don't try to start an argument because I think you are all mean in your wording. Have some cooth.

675 - Hugs to you love as losing a child is something I haven't experienced and my heart breaks for you. How you get over that ??? I guess all these people that are bashing you have had the same experience and have walked the "mile" in your shoes.

676 - I too have PCOS and have struggled with infertility, I have gone on to conceive 2 DD's using Metformin/Clomid I wish you all the best in hoping you acheive you BFP! Good luck hun!!

2:41 I don't understand what is so uncouth about encouraging a person who is in pain to go get help. If she had a lump in her breast would I be uncouth to tell her it is a sign of a potentially deadly problem and suggest she see a doctor. Depression is a disease and it rarely gets better if left untreated.

If it were only that she did not feel she could attend the wedding, that would be one thing. This lady is furious with her husband and his entire family because they are living their own lives and not making her grief more important than their own happiness. That is not healthy.

I would encourage her to seek counseling after a loss like that if it had been 20 years or 2 days, but I think if it had only been one year, she would have said that. You may think it sounded fresh, but I have been there and I can tell you it will always feel fresh, no matter how well you recover. I thought she sounded like someone who has been told to "get over it" before. And no, that is not what I am telling her. I am telling her to get help. It is not the same thing at all. I also thought her husband hiding the actual date as long as he could is an indication of someone who has been walking on eggshells for quite sometime.

Read 2:06's comment again. That is what happens when someone does not get help. I would rather piss her, you, and the entire internet off than see her become like 2:06's mother, and it sounds to me like that is where she is heading.

You know what 9:27, never did I tell her not to get help. Nor did I tell her to wallow in her own pity. Go ahead and piss anybody off that you want with your advice and opinions. She still needs to do what she needs to do to get past this rage and sorrow. If that is by seeking help, then there ya go. She still has to do what she has to do to get through this time in her life. If that is by seeking help, or not attending this wedding with people she clearly feels resentment towards, people she feels don't support her, then there you go again. You are uncouth, period. Depending on who you are dealing with, that could be good or bad. But don't start a big blogtard explosion because I have some couth and want to support and stick up for this woman who you(if you all are even the same people) want to practice your tough love with. There is a TIME for tough love in someones life and I don't think this is one of those times. Just my opinion of course, but nevertheless people, telling her to get help and placing a judgemental wrath on her for the way she feels is not right and I won't agree with you on this. Period. The end.

Let me clarify something so you don't have a cow. Towards the end I said," telling her to get help and placing a judgemental wrath on her for the way she feels is not right...." Telling her to get help is right. I didn't mean to imply that it is wrong. I was trying to say that the way people are talking to her is wrong.

9:27 here, and yes I have written all of the 9:27 comments. I don't understand where you are seeing "wrath" in anything I have said. I have no anger for this woman whatsoever. YOU are starting to annoy me, but that is not the issue here. I am worried about her. I know depression when I see it and I know what happens when it is not treated. She has lost too much already. I would hate to see her loose everything else. If I was trying to start trouble there are much worse things I could have said.

As for "uncouth" you may want to check your own language. "Blogtard"? Really? You are going to call me insensitive (actually, you said worse than that) and then use a word that belittles those with developmental disabilities?

Clearly there is nothing I can say to you to make you understand my intent. Hopefully #675 will, because whether you are right or I am right or neither of us has got it, she and her wellbeing are what is important here.

I am done. I won't be responding to this confession again no matter what you do to twist my words from here on out. I have said what I needed to say and then some.

I didn't realize I would create such an uproar. Today we celebrated our angel's 3rd birthday.

I'm not wallowing in my own grief. I have spent time in counseling. I am on anti-depressants, so yes, I am taking care of myself.

I didn't feel like you wanted to read my whole story. The wedding date was picked 19 months out. I spent 11 days of hell at their home when I was supposed to be on vacation for 4 days only. We went for a wedding. Are you beginning to see the correlation?

I don't ask everyone to plan their lives around me, but when you have 19 months to plan you would think that considerate people would take something like the premature birth and infant death of our son into consideration.

Maybe I am being selfish. Since they have set the date I have not asked them to change it. I spent a lot of time thinking about this decision. I feel like I need to take care of myself. No one there is going to make sure I am okay or even think that all of this is hard for me. I don't want my presence to be a real downer so I have decided not to go.

My point is that I'm tired of my hubby not taking my feelings into consideration and not even trying to understand where I'm coming from.