Within the past 2-3 years since my Bar-Mitzvah I have slowly been losing my faith. I don't believe in god and have basically renounced my faith. However I still celebrate Jewish holidays and keep some Jewish customs as much as I can like eating no bread at the house during Passover. What do you guys think of this because my parents are rather reform while my grandpa is orthodox and basically flipped shit over this? He still loves me but has said that he lost respect for me. Do you guys feel the same? I mean culturally I still identify as a Jew I just don't practice the religion.

No, I wouldn't lose respect for you; many Jewish people manifest a disinterest in their faith in their young years. Just please realize that you may feel differently later in life, and when you want to have a family.

Oh yea I'm open to the fact that I may change my ideals later in life but I feel that as of now I will raise my kids to be culturally Jewish rather than religiously. I will still probably make them get Bar-Mitzvahed and go to sunday school like I was forced to and then let them make the decision for themselves. It really depends on what my future wife says as well :P

/r/Judaism may not be the best place to get a wide range of opinions, but I'll try to share one. The beauty of Judaism, in my opinion, is that it is not based on faith alone. In fact, faith doesn't matter for the most part, especially in Reform Judaism. In my opinion, Judaism is about community, culture, ethnicity and religion; you can have 1 component or you can have all 4 and either way you are still Jewish (and still EQUALLY Jewish). I am agnostic and I am Jewish and I'm completely happy with myself and my own beliefs. You should be too; don't let your grandfather get you down.

Thanks that totally makes sense! I feel like I have all of those components minus the religion so I get what you are saying and that is one of the great things that sets us apart from other faiths. I'm not letting my grandpa get me down either. He's starting to accept the fact that it isn't like it was when he was growing up so I think it's good that we're all making progress.

Being a cultural Jew only is rather common. I personally don't have much of an opinion on it.

That said, I'd still encourage you to remain involved in the Jewish community. Whether or not you believe in God, I think it has a lot to offer. Even in my more atheistic phases, I've always gone to synagogue, often just for the people.

I still have no clue what I believe. That's why my flair says "perpetually confused". But I still, for whatever reason, feel strongly about practicing Judaism, at minimum, to standards I grew up with.

Oh I like the community but I don't have the time to go to synagogue anymore honestly. High school is a bitch and I'm a pole vaulter and a swimmer so when I'm not working, I'm working out and when I'm not doing that I'm using the very little time I have to hang out with friends. I still talk to my Jewish friends but I don't have time to go to synagogue. It also doesn't help that the one we belong to is 45 minutes away.

I also didn't go to synagogue nearly as frequently in high school, but I still made an effort to get there occasionally (I did debate team, which was on Saturday morning). Are there seriously none closer to you though? You'll be able to join Hillel in college though, and that's a good way of staying involved.

There are some closer but this is the nicest one and is really cool since it's over 125 years old so there's some history there. I also do debate but I do it for my high school so that also adds to the insane amount of work I have to do especially when there is a competition coming up. I would like to start up again but idk. I would like to join Hillel in college but I need to see how that would factor into my time. I want to go for a doctorate in psychiatry so I want to have as few distractions as possible.

Sometimes, what seems like extra work and distraction is actually helpful for your sanity and productivity. My mom is always horribly overworked, but my sister and I are forever trying to convince her to go to synagogue. Saturday morning, she's tired and just wants to sleep in. But she's happier and less stressed after she goes, even if it is extra effort.

Have you looked at all of the closer ones? Sometimes it's fun to pop into an unfamiliar one and get to know new people!

I would like to look at the closer ones however I still need to get my car so I can go when I want to and not have to bother my parents to do it since driving to two different ones would be a bit of a pain. I understand what you're saying and all but I am going to be up till at least 1 tonight finishing up my work for crunch week so it's times like these that I really just can't afford to go to synagogue. I mean the only reason I'm even on reddit is that if I can't talk about this issue it will penetrate the thoughts on what I'm currently working on which I can't do so it's just good to let it off my chest.

I really love everything about Judaism - the culture, the history, the heritage, the philosophy, the mussar, the accomplishment, the symbols, the rituals, the community, the intellectual depth, and the lifestyle. It's an emotional connection above all, but I will live and die Jewish, and my wife and kids will be Jews. Just because I can't intellectually bring myself to believe, doesn't mean I'm about to leave the most epic nation that ever was.

This approach probably doesn't work for everyone. You need deep respect, admiration, and appreciation for what being a Jew really means.

That was beautifully written. Did you grow up Orthodox? I'm asking mostly because the Judaism that I grew up with was pretty much a blend of Conservative and Reconstructionist, so that is what I tend to look for.

I want to ask you more about your philosophy, but I don't think I know how/what to ask.

I remember that post. It too was well written. I shall extrapolate and assume that you write well in general.

So, when I was really little, I went to a Jewish influenced Montessori school (it started on the grounds of a Conservative synagogue, and about half the students were Jewish). I then went to Jewish day school for 1st and 2nd grade (it had a bunch of different denominations. Unfortunately, they never understood how to discipline kids, so bullying was a continual problem, and they had no idea how to handle learning disabilities or gifted students. I did learn a good amount of Hebrew, since forgotten).

After that, I went to secular schools, but my mom sent me to after school Hebrew lessons. The first place was loosely affiliated with Reform, and incredibly boring. I kvetched a lot, and ended up going to a Chabad Hebrew school for two years. I absolutely adored it there, and the teacher was legitimately one of the best I have ever had in my life (like the rest of my family, I've ADHD. I wasn't the easiest kid to handle, but at Chabad I never had behavioral issues). I then tried to convince my parents to keep Kosher and generally become more religious. My dad's an anti-theist (raised Christian, but rejected it young. He respects Judaism, and loves Israel) and mom's agnostic, so that didn't go over that well. So I might have been out of Hebrew school for a year.

Then one of the members of our Reconstructionist congregation started offering lessons, so I went to those. I learned very little Hebrew, and she never said on topic, but she told some of the more entertaining stories from the Talmud, so I grew to appreciate it. I remember something about God holding a mountain over the Israelites... Then I learned about trope for my Bat Mitzvah, read from the Torah, got really confused by my portion (Beha'alotcha, because God seemed very fond of smiting), and stopped having any sort of formal instruction. I continued to be involved in synagogue, although I certainly have missed my fair share of Saturdays (also, my synagogue can only afford to rent space every other Saturday...). And then I ended up here, which is kind of like a continuation of my religious education, at age 21...

I definitely will when I think of questions. Argh. I feel like the child "who does not know how to ask" at the seder, trying to progress into being the simple child.

The main question is: "Can you see yourself living as a religious Jew?"

For me the answer to that question is "There's no other way I can see my life going." But that's definitely not the same for everyone. If you can answer just that question, it would help a lot for your decisions once you know where you stand.

I'm not sure. I suspect that I wouldn't be able to know without trying. I know that I'm drawn to something at least more observant than what I grew up with (which I still find weird, given my confusion). I'm entirely certain that without a community conducive to it, I would not be able to keep Shabbat.

I have no idea where I can see my life going. That's always been a major source of confusion.

I suggest you at least try Orthodox Jewish life. I don't want to belittle the other sects, but they are missing so many of the things that make Jewish life good (Cough... Shabbat... Cough). Reform and Conservative Judaism, with all due respect, are watered down versions of Orthodoxy. I might get a little flak for saying that, but it's the natural consequence of ripping pages out of the book and disregarding sacred cornerstones of Halacha. I hope that doesn't sound offensive.

I do actually understand where you're coming from there. Reform Judaism never appealed to me, because it was missing bits, so I get it. And being on here has given me more appreciation for Orthodox Judaism. If I was a legitimate theist, my choice would be much clearer.

I really don't know. As the years of sunday school dragged on I found myself believing less and less in god. I have no real reason as to why I did but I did and looking at it from an outside perspective religion is just silly IMO. To me Judaism makes the most sense but still it's a lot of crap piled on top some good stuff. When you get down to the core of it, it's about being a good person like following the Ten Commandments because I think we can all agree that those are generally agreed to be good tenets to follow, however there are other things that I just don't agree with. To me the Torah is no different than a children's moral story book. It has extravagant stories that can't be true but they teach you to be a good person in the end. Basically what I'm getting at is that why can't I just be a good person and skip all the bullshit. I still want to be a Jew culturally because that is my heritage and culture but I just feel that religion has no real place in today's world.

I sorta feel like you're offended by some of the parts of Jewish law that you may not understand, and this might cause you to lash out and refer to it as silly, crap, a children's story book, untrue, and bullshit.

You say there are parts that you don't agree with, and based on other information in this thread, I've deduced that your Jewish education may have been lacking in explanation and encouragement to ask questions. You're only 16 - I would recommend to you that you keep an open mind and instead of viewing your own heritage objectively, view it as something that you don't totally get. Ask questions. Be curious, but also respectful - Judaism is a lot older than you and even if you don't agree with it based on your own code of morals (which you're still developing, mind you), it would not have survived as long as it has if we weren't on to something, and at the very least it deserves you to ask questions respectfully instead of dismissing it altogether.

Edit: This includes here, or asking your local rabbis, or even popping into our IRC chat room and saying hello - you can find that information in the sidebar.

I understand it as I have studied many religions as well as Judaism so I feel I have a pretty good grasp on the concepts of it. My personal belief as to why religion has persevered so long is that it was a way of explaining things that people couldn't explain due to lack of education and scientific tools. It has some good things but I think that it is when people take these stories and interpret them they are the ones who mess them up because at the core of religion is the concept of teaching you to be a good person. Although who decides what good is? Scholars thousands of years ago who had no idea that their principles would still be used today in a world completely different than their own. I think that religion just doesn't have that much of a purpose in today's rapidly changing world.

Then I disagree that you understand it. At age 16 with minimal exposure to our teachings, not only legal but aggadic as well, it might be expected that you'd come to the conclusion you have.

If you want to know why I disagree from a religious perspective, please feel free to ask, but if you're not, I'll save it for someone more curious about our beliefs. If it'll fall on deaf ears, then there's no point in me responding.

judaism is about a lot more than prescribing to a certain sect, like being a good and honorable person. with that said, belief in god is fundamental to a jewish person's perspective on life, and the holiday of passover is actually the solidification of such belief, by way of tradition. I think it's important to hold onto whatever you feel comfortable with, as judaic philosophers say that a persons actions/deeds dictate who they are, more so than a persons mindset. Be truthful to yourself, extend honor to your family tradition, and may the odds forever be in your favor.
If you do have any questions about god, judaism, or jewish philosophy, feel free to ask. Can't say I guarantee an answer, however, I've had my own questions and searching for the answers was always more fruitful for me.

I'm Orthodox(boo scary!!!!!) and I feel more bothered by you having to rely on reddit to garner self-esteem. :/ Sorry bro, just the way I feel.

That said, some of the advice by others has it's merits. Jewish education and an open-mind(i.e. thinking about things in context to what was and understanding we're doing our best to fit it in this current time) would really help you.

My personal biggest petpeeve with other Jews is when they don't do their research and then whine about not feeling anything toward their heritage.

At least know your shit.....then you can choose whatever because at that point you aren't just floating around talking out of the back-side.

However, the question "What do you guys think of me for ______" in the form OP wrote sounded like they were seeking our outsider opinion to determine for them "what is right". That isn't a sign of confidence in one's beliefs.

If you notice, I did suggest research and an open-mind before concluding one has beliefs, let alone what they are.

Believe me I have done my research on not only Judaism but all religions in search of the one that makes sense and I haven't found one yet that I agree with. As I said before I think Judaism makes the most sense but I still don't agree with parts of it. I'm also not trying to garner self confidence here. I believe I'm rather successful for my age since I do two sports have a 3.8 gpa and have many friends. Believe me it's not about self esteem it's more about getting other people's opinions since I want to see how fellow Jews have dealt with this and/or view this.

And here's wikipedia's list of Jewish atheists. However, I know some of the people on that list do not want to be associated with Judaism, even on ethnic grounds. Noam Chomsky and the late Richard Feynman, for example, would like to see humanity united rather than divided. Categorizing each other by race opens the door to all kinds of racial theory nonsense. My views are becoming more and more closer to theirs (I no longer identify as a cultural or ethnic Jew) but I still practice the religion with my family. Plus I love learning about cultures, so I continue practicing and learning Jewish traditions and stories.

I also highly recommend looking into Reconstructionist Judaism if you get the chance. I grew up with it. It's more of a holistic view of Judaism, all about embracing the Torah metaphorically rather than literally. Plus, Jew Recons don't believe they're the chosen people but rather all of humanity is chosen.

Find a temple near you! Maybe you can show your family the prevalence of Jewish Atheists and discover Reconstructionism together. And not all Jew Recons are atheists (nor do we call ourselves Jew Recon. I made it up for fun lol). My mom and my brother for example believe in some sort of higher power. Reconstructionism emphasizes personal choice and freedom, so that you can decide for yourself what you want to believe.

From my earliest memories I remember questioning and being taught to question. Whether it's about science, society, or religion, I did my best to question everything simply because I wanted to. Reconstructionism no doubt influenced my habit of questioning God. I don't even remember a time where I suddenly became agnostic or atheist, I never had a 'coming out.' I just I always knew I was a skeptic. I also don't value my atheism very much, as in it's not very important too me. Sure, questioning is extremely important to me, but I don't dwell on atheism or any supernatural processes at all.

My family is OK with it too. Of course, we're half-Jews, as my Dad is Greek Orthodox, so they were pretty tolerant already. We don't really talk about it much either, it's simply a non-issue. My grandparents don't know, however, but that's mainly because I rarely see them and we're not very close.

Edit: a little more about my background:

I went to a Jewish preschool and kindergarten, as did my younger brother and sister, and then public school after that. As a little kid I often went with my Mom to Friday night services, bringing my stuffed zebra with me who was also Jewish. Up until my Bar Mitzvah I went to Hebrew School twice a week: Sunday morning for the religious philosophy and Thursday evening for Hebrew language study. I did a year of BBYO after my Bar Mitzvah but left it as competitive swimming took over my life, only going to synagogue twice a year for the high holidays. With the voracious appetite that comes with competitive swimming I stopped fasting for Yom Kippur and no longer observed eating unleavened bread during Pesach. This pattern continued for nearly a decade but I've recently gravitated back towards Judaism as I volunteered at a local Jewish Farm for two months, living there in a tent as a WWOOFer, and I'm interested in living on a Kibbutz in Israel.

First of all, you have the right to define yourself however you want. If "cultural Jew, religious atheist" is what you settle on, that's perfectly fine. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Secondly, by your account you're 15 or 16 which is a great time to start exploring these issues, but by no means a time to get locked into a certain way of thinking.

Finally, you're still living at home, which often means you don't have the freedom to do exactly what you want. Although, it seems your parents are probably ok with a relaxed approach to religion, and that's the most important. It's when you and your parents have strong disagreements that things get really tricky, especially if you still depend on them. That doesn't seem to be the case here. Dealing with your grandfather might be trickier, but his views may relax over time.

Personally, I used to be Orthodox, I became an atheist in my early 20s, about a decade ago. You can feel free to pm me if you ever run into issues, or check out /r/exjew for views from other people that have struggled with similar issues.

Will do. Thanks for the advice. I will hopefully get this sorted out in about 5 years or so since this is such a complicated issue. I am 16 so I just want to focus on the present and prepare for my future so this isn't on my top priorities list but I have been thinking about it recently so I figured I should get some advice and so far it has been pretty good.

/r/exjew is probably a better place for people with similar opinions and thoughts. While you'll find good discussion here, many people here are extremely faithful and probably aren't going to necessarily encourage you to follow your own heart, and instead dive back into faith. I'm not saying that's a negative or a positive thing, but just a different viewpoint.

I think your grandpa is overreacting. You're really young...when I was your age, I was such a fervent Christian I bordered on anti-Semitic...and, ten or so years later, I'm converting to Judaism. Not to say you'll end up religious (I've got plenty of Jewish friends who always have been and always will be secular), but he really shouldn't be passing judgement until you're in your twenties.

Your life as a cultural Jew will probably depend strongly on your friends through high school and (especially) college. Once you get to college, be active in your school's Hillel, and I guarantee you'll find plenty of others in much the same situation.

Incidentally, one disturbing trend I've noticed among my secular friends: don't let your pride in your heritage start to turn into something resembling racism. The most hostile reactions to my conversion came, surprisingly, from secular friends, who resisted the idea I could be a "real" Jew through religious conversion. I've also noticed a couple of secular friends focusing to a a disturbing degree on the Ashkenazi aspect of their heritage, which, as someone who doesn't identify as Ashkenazi (and has taken on a number of Sephardi minhagim), makes me rather uncomfortable, sorta like you'd be weirded out by a friend started to talk about how awesome white people are.