Jenny McCarthy’s Advice

I have epilepsy, which is under control and everything, but for some reason I still get really upset over people making comments and jokes about it. I’ve spoken to my mom about it, but she doesn’t seem to care. I don’t know how to tell people to back off, but in a really polite way.

— Colletta from Johannesburg, South Africa

Dear Colletta from the other side of the world: I wrote in a previous blog post (Splash.suntimes.com) about haters and why people say mean things. There is never a time that the person throwing an insult is not talking about themselves in one way or another. Love who you are, love what you see. Hate who you are, hate what you see — every single time.

As someone who has been assaulted with verbal insults, I can now easily separate myself from taking anything personally. My son, Evan, who also has epilepsy, has been called names for years through my Twitter messages. As a mother bear, I used to want to hunt down the name callers and destroy them. But now I know that they are souls who are hurting so bad inside that they need to project it out. So how can I be mad? It would be like getting angry at a child who has the stomach flu and didn’t hold it down. It’s not their fault. We are just mirrors for one another and sometimes the health conditions people live with are easy targets because others see them as imperfections.

I also don’t believe that your mom doesn’t care. I just think she might be old enough to know that sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt you. She knows not to give those comments energy, just like you shouldn’t.

Colletta you should find me on twitter cause I would really like to get to know you @jessibean02, First take into account the culture you live in I’m sure living in South Africa is way different from living in the US. First don’t think your Mom doesn’t seem to care because truth is your condition probably bothers her much MORE than it bothers you because she’s your mother and created you.

I was diagnosed with Epilespy when I was in the 3rd grade I had my first seizure when I was in kindergarten. Doctors told my parents that it was a genetic form of epilepsy and that I might outgrow it as I got older or it might get worse. I know there are many different types of seizures out there but unfortunatly I always had Grand Mal seizures when I would have them.

I remember a few times I had them in front of “friends” and one time at school. When I had the one at school I went back a few days later and one of the boys in my class decided to take it upon himself to dub me “THE SEIZURE QUEEN”. As much as I wanted to rip his face off and go cry in the bathroom I kindly looked at him and said “I’m epileptic and I have seizures if you don’t know how serious that is I could have potentially died if I had died would you still be calling me the seizure queen?” I was in the 6th grade. He never bothered me again and neither did any of the other kids at school. Instead after I stuck up for myself everyone started coming up to me saying how worried they were for me and that my seizure scared them and i told them well hell it scared me too. They asked me questions and I answered them and a few kids even told me that they were epileptic too but didn’t want anyone to know.

If you want people to back off then stick up for yourself they make fun of your condition because they don’t understand it and it makes them feel better to make fun of things they don’t know about. Take it upon yourself to educate your friends and the people who rag on you. Tell them yeah this is who I am and this is how serious my condition is and this is what I do to manage it. If you want to be in my life your going to have to accept that about me. Go on youtube and show them what a seizure does to a person. Mine were so exhausting and debilitating it would take me a week to feel normal again. I fhtey still make fun of you kick them to the curb cause you don’t need people like that in your life.

Yes people treated me differently after they found out I had epilepsy. Everytime I got invited for a sleepover or anything scoial my parents HAD to tell my friends parents about my condition and I would always be “uninvited” because the parents didn’t want to be “responsible” if I had a seizure. My 3rd grade teacher even said she didn’t want me in her class after my Dad told the school about my diagnoses becaseu she didn’t know if she could “deal”. She was an awful teacher anyway. My parents never let me play sports because they were afraid I’d fall and hit my head and have a seizure. Doctors never could tell me what my “triggers” were so everything was a No. I stopped going out with friends and would only hang out with them at school because I didn’t want to deal with being rejected for social outings anymore. I even had boys break up with me because they couldn’t deal with it.

So yeah being epileptic sucks and I feel your pain but the reason people make light of your condition is because you haven’t told them what it’s like to have it. Don’t feel bad if people stop hangin out with you or don’t want you around because your condition scares them. It’s their loss not yours.

As for your mother not caring. Well it took me a long long long time to realize that when I would have a seizure it was harder on my mom than it was for me. I grew up hating myself for not being normal enough for my parents because they treated me differently than they did my brother. I know now it’s becasue they worried more about me. They didn’t restrict my life because they were “embarassed” of me and my condition. They really did not want anything bad to happen to me and in a way I guess it was there way of trying to “fix” things for me because they felt responsible for the way I was born. What parent wouldn’t I guess. Your Mom loves you even though it might not seem like it sometimes and I’m sure those comments hurt her more than they do you she just doesn’t know how to tell you becaseu she’s supposed to be stronger than you. I hope this response helps you :o) Good luck and best wishes

http://GeraldUnderwood@cdbaby.com Gerald w. Underwood

Your right Jenny as the manager of a resort…I always hear things that people say about one another especially if they have had to much alcohol……And it IS them talking about themselves …..I always tell people……if your pointing your finger at someone….remember there are 3 pointing back at you!!! KEEP UP THE GOOD FIGHT JENNY!

Colletta

Hey Jessica,

Thank you for the reply, it really did help :). I guess I just need to take everything one step at a time. Yeah, in SA epilepsy is kind of on the hush hush.. I got diagnosed when I was on grade 5 now I just finished with my 12th year :)..