MIDDLE EARTH AT MIDDLE AGE / Handyman's married woman

Handyman's married woman

"As the volume and vulgarity of American life have risen ever higher ..." writes The New York Times Book Review about Tom Wolfe's newest book.

Is there anyone who does not agree that the vulgarity of American life has risen higher and has become the norm?

What's worse is there's no stopping it. Like a runaway train, the moral and ethical fabric of our society is hurtling into a pile of foul and twisted parts.

My 65-year-old friend had employed a sometimes-alcoholic handyman who is now involved with a married woman. Her husband is OK with her extramarital affair as long as she's home when he's home. Husband is a truck driver who rolls into Guernsey County every few weeks.

Married Woman loves Xanax and Vicodin. Because she's abused it for so long, local doctors will no longer prescribe it for her.

Sometimes-alcoholic handyman has chronic liver disease. Handyman is on the Medical Card, which means taxpayers cover all of his medical care.

In order for handyman to continue to get sexual favors from Vicodin-loving married woman, handyman must help her get pills. To married woman, sex for pills is a sensible trade.

So handyman made an appointment with his liver specialist in Columbus. Being on the Medical Card means taxpayers paid for a taxi service to pick handyman up in Cambridge and drive him to Columbus so handyman could ask his liver doctor for Vicodin.

Columbus doctor said he doesn't prescribe that kind of medication and gave handyman the name and number of a doctor in Cambridge "that probably will." The taxpayer-paid taxi returned handyman back home.

Known as Non-Emergency Transportation to Medicaid Services, taxpayer-paid taxi service mileage is paid at the same rate as Job and Family Services reimburses its employees' mileage. And, when medically necessary, an attendant can accompany the "patient," reimbursable at the current federal minimum wage rate, up to eight hours per day.

Turned down in Columbus, handyman sought narcotic pills from Cambridge doctor. Handyman told my 85-year-old that his performance for the doctor was "awful good." Cambridge doctor listened to handyman describe his back pain, hip pain, head pain, and you-name-it pain.

Cambridge doctor said he'd write a limited prescription of Vicodin but twice a month, handyman would have to give a urine specimen to prove to Cambridge doctor that handyman was taking the Vicodin and not selling it (or giving it to married woman).

Handyman and married woman decided that unless handyman could smuggle in married woman's urine, there'd be no reason to get the Vicodin. If married woman was taking the Vicodin, handyman's urine would test negative for Vicodin, so Cambridge doctor would know handyman was selling it (or trading it for sex with married woman).

That left married woman no option except to buy her Xanax and Vicodin off the street. Without a job, she had little money. So she went to a bankruptcy attorney who told her if she'd charge up $50,000 in credit card debt, attorney could discharge the entire $50,000 in bankruptcy and she'd be debt-free.

Married woman got herself three brand new credit cards. These days, she and handyman go to lots of stores and buy expensive items - refrigerators, televisions, washers and dryers. They then sell the items for half their value: like a $1000 refrigerator for $500 cash, to any interested buyer.

Married Woman uses the $500 to buy her Vicodin and Xanax from a street-pusher. Her credit card debt steadily grows. Every day, very-stoned-on-opiates-married woman and sometimes-alcoholic handyman are working hard to reach their $50,000 goal of debt.

When they've met their goal, married woman's entire debt will be washed away. And together they can start all over again.

Jacqueline Tresl is an attorney, a retired registered nurse, and a contributor to The Jeffersonian. Contact: Jacquelinetresl@aol.com