The Short, 50-Step Guide To Building The Body You’ve Always Wanted

Something triggers you to want to change your body. Maybe you just turned 30 and want to turn your life around. Maybe you saw new movie where the actor was super ripped and now you’re inspired. Maybe you just got dumped by your girlfriend and want to prove her wrong. Maybe you’re sick and tired of people making fun of the way you look.

Attempt to squat 50 pounds. Your knees crack and hurt because what is form.

Leave the squat rack without re-racking your two, 25 pound plates.

Attempt bench press.

Hot girl uses bench next to you. Now you start worrying how this girl, that you’ve never met before, and doesn’t give two shits about you is going to judge you based on the amount of weight you lift and how out of shape you are.

Wake up the next morning.

You’re either so sore to the point you can’t move or not sore at all. If it’s the latter, your chances of giving up increase by 12.7% because you believe soreness is the only indicator of progress and success.

But you tell yourself that you’re committed and that you need to change your body.

Keep going gym with the hope that things will get better.

Results are not coming fast enough.

Spend $200 on supplements that promise to help you burn 30% more fat.

Realized that supplement company lied.

After one week, contemplate killing yourself.

Stumble upon a motivational Youtube video. At 5:04 in the video, a clip of Legolas from The Two Towers plays while a Will Smith audio clip from The Pursuit Of Happiness plays in background.

Thanks dawg.

Now you’re super fucking motivated again. Thanks Orlando Bloom.

Go to gym again. Tell yourself that THIS is it.

You don’t see any results the first month.

Spiral into bouts of depression, questioning why you’re not getting results. Sure it might be because: 1) You’re not training with enough intensity. 2) You’re eating half a dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts after you workout because you think you “deserve it.” 3) You’re not even aware of how many calories you’re eating….But no, that’s just crazy talk.

The only possible explanation is that you’re a special little snowflake who can’t lose fat and build muscle like a normal person. The whole world is conspiring against you.

Blame your lack of results on genetics. Not because you actually have bad genetics. But because genetics are vague and mysterious enough that no one understands them. Everyone will just nod in agreement when you explain how genetics are the reason you’re out of shape.

Double down and go even more hardcore. Maybe even try a detox cleanse.

Decide to go to the gym 6x per week instead of your initial 3x because you follow fuck boy logic – “Can’t even make it to the gym consistently 3x per week, so let’s go 6x.”

Yeah that didn’t pan out…

Sit in a McDonalds drive thru..hating the living shit out of yourself for ordering an 800 calorie pancake sausage breakfast, but doing it anyways because you’ve essentially given up on life.

Wait 1-12 weeks. During this time you’ll question the meaning life as you read and watch endless amounts of fitness blogs and videos in hopes of being motivated to start over.

Repeat steps 1-31 for the next 6 months to 20 years (with minor variations in the details.)

Consider that maybe, just maybe your lack of results stems from the fact that you’re just a lazy bastard.

Grow pair of balls.

Pick halfway decent training program. Preferably something that doesn’t involve bosu balls and actually stick with it for more than a month.

Keith, I think you already know how I feel. I’m 14 months in to your SS program and running Chaos the entire time. Down 40 pounds and any slowing in progress I’ve had is my own doing, increase of to much soda, fudging on the diet and saying I’ve been good for 12 months, this can’t hurt me (and by the way, it won’t as long as it doesn’t become habitual). My only real problem now I’d the degenerative arthritis I’ve been diagnosed with. At times the pain is excruciating so I’ll reduced weight, increase reps and stick to the diet. It works, period, just do it.

Man, you really crack me the hell up! I almost peed myself. You will be proud of this old girl though, I have started using the weights at the gym in my complex and also walk up and down the stairs in my building at work – yes all 6 floors! (I actually am down 6lbs, YAY). But I can’t do the squats, thrusts, or any knee bends with my arthritis; Can you suggest any “easy on the joints” exercises I can incorporate into my routine?

ok, tried the dead lifts, works just fine!! Well, once I figured out exactly how much I could lift LOL. I do know step downs, I can definitely do those so I incorporated those in. But…ahhh…what are glute bridges? (Sorry)…you have to help a sista out with that one!

I noticed a while ago that you and Kinobody have a lot in common in terms of your methods. Take it you know the guy. Basically the same story as yours, in that he spun his wheels for years and years and ended up making a great system.

At 48 and a single mother of 5. Up Until 8 years ago, I was in fantastic shape (size 4, running, lifting weights). fast forward to today, and I am overweight (by a lot – 90 lbs (I am ashamed of this)). I’ve fallen into the abyss and I want…no need….something to guide/parallel me back to y former fitter and happier self. All this to ask…. (1) How motivational are your workouts on your Superhero body workout? (2)You indicated that people on your program need to work out 3 – 4 times per week, but how long are each of those workouts? How involved is the diet that goes along with the program?
Cheers,
A.

1) Not sure what you mean by how “motivational” my workouts are…they are simple, effective, and only take 3 hours per week. Whether or not you’re able to stick with them is up to you.

2) Each workout shouldn’t take you more than 1 hour.

3) Diet is simple and you’re able to incorporate your favorite foods into it. But of course, it’s not a free pass to eat whatever you want. It’s really all about making mindful food choices more than anything else.

Hi I’m 43 and because of my excessive dieting and over exercising.Ive gained 15kg in two yrs it so frustrating. I am trying to get back into my running but it plays havoc on my joints.Im desperately need to get the first five kilos of so I feel motivated. I have done weights in the past and toned up fairly well. But I carry slot of weight and pain in my legs. I’d say it’s because I only drink around a ltr of water a day. So what weights would you suggest I use to tone and loose in my legs.?