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Facebook is set to offer fully automated profiles by the end of next year. Users who lack the will to update their status in person at odd intervals will be able to pre-select a lifetime’s worth of status updates that will automatically be posted to their profiles. [read...]

Brian Atkins, a 45 year-old telecommunications enginner from Watford, today shocked the internet community by announcing that his ham and pineapple pizza with a garlic bread accompanyment had been delivered to him successfully by Luigi’s Pizza and Kebabs, [read...]

Facebook addiction can lead to acute poisoning of the stomach, it has emerged. Lucy Clark, 28, suffered chronic abdominal pain after sharing her 15th daily update: a holiday snap of herself looking out towards the ocean above the quote ‘Tomorrow is today’s dream’. [read...]

An egomaniac’s sleep has been destroyed by nightmares of a world without social media. Abbie Parker, 25, felt ‘technostressed’ enough to share a photo of herself online, wearing silk lingerie and pouting aggressively. Her tagline read: ‘Worst nightmare ever.’ The post received 284 likes and friends were quick to respond with comments such as ‘What’s… [read...]