…i like to flash people…

Monthly Archives: September 2010

Okay, ya’ll. This is where I announce my frustration with the world in general and beg for your help. I’m writing articles to make a little money to tide me over until someone hires me at a “real” job, and I also get a ridiculously small pittance for page views. So, if you’d be so kind, please check out my page and click on an article or two. You don’t even have to read them, just let them load. I would appreciate it so much. Oh, well…ditto for Matt.

I’ve also submitted an article to a magazine for publishing and I got an email saying they read it. I’m hoping they will decide to use it, and I’ll let you know when I hear. Please think positive thoughts for me.

When I was younger I envied people who had adventurous lives. I wanted my life to be exciting, fast-paced, interesting and something to talk about when I got older.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.

I was picturing travel around the world, going to interesting places, collecting fun souvenirs, and maybe jumping out of a plane. I wasn’t really imagining traveling here and there, having something to say (usually bad) about the places I’ve been, having nothing to show for it and wanting to jump from a window. 😐

Tonight, the perfect end to the perfect decade: my tooth broke and fell out of my mouth into my hand. I have no medical insurance and, at the moment, no spare cash on hand to see a dentist. Apparently this fits into what I wished for: exciting, interesting, something to talk about when I’m older.

For now, I’m going to have to let it go and hope it doesn’t get worse. No choice. I will have A LOT to talk about when I’m older.

***************************

In other news, earlier this weekend Matt had a tropical storm named after him and there was a Hurricane Lisa. The weather guy was talking about Lisa moving up the coast of Africa and said, “Lisa’s a tight little one…” It was weather porn.

Matthew and Lisa did their thing over the weekend, both becoming (tropically) depressed late Saturday and passing away on Sunday. Matthew died over southern Mexico and Lisa died over the Atlantic. May they rest in peace.

There is a book (well, two now…and a movie??!!) called Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything. Someone asked my other half to read and discuss it and it’s all I’ve heard about for weeks.

From the back of the book:

Which is more dangerous, a gun or a swimming pool?

What do teachers and sumo wrestlers have in common?

How much do parents really matter?

These may not sound like typical questions for an economist to ask. But Steven D. Levitt is not a typical economist. He studies the riddles of everyday life – from cheating and crime to parenting and sports – and reaches conclusions that turn conventional wisdom on its head. Freakonomics is a groundbreaking collaboration between Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner, an award-winning author and journalist. They set out to explore the inner workings of a crack gang, the truth about real estate agents, the secrets of the Ku Klux Klan, and much more. Through forceful storytelling and wry insight, they show that economics is, at root, the study of incentives – how people get what they want or need, especially when other people want or need the same thing.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

~Ambrose Redmoon

Since 9/11 I’ve been sitting here wishing I had the words to eloquently express my sadness, sense of loss and horror and condolences to the families of everyone who perished that day. I wanted to be poignant and somber and I wanted to be able to reach out via my keyboard and make people think. I wanted people to feel exactly what they felt on that Tuesday nine years ago. I wanted to say something that would, as that day had done, pull us all together as Americans. For one day there wasn’t a “you” or a “me.” That day, and the days shortly afterwards, we were all “we.”

I wanted to be able to make people remember, think, realize and hurt for just one moment — one moment in which to think about the families of those who died. One moment to remember the children growing up fatherless or motherless, the wives adjusting to life without husbands, the husbands without wives, the parents without children. One moment to try to put yourself in the place of someone who ended up giving up their life (and altering the lives of their loved ones) to save thousands of people they had never met.

I wanted to wonder aloud in my public forum about those rescuers, and the people who worked in the Twin Towers who stayed behind to help other people out. What kind of people are we underneath our daily faces? When the hustle to get to work, to get the kids off to school, to get your presentation finished, to stop at Starbucks, to…whatever. When the hustle and bustle of the insignificant things we fill our days worrying about becomes dramatically inconsequential…who are we?

Could I have stayed behind, fearing death, to help evacuate my offices? Could I have stood in the shadow of that towering blazing building with people screaming and running around, smelling the fuel, seeing people jumping from windows high above me and gathered enough courage to pick up my gear and run inside? Could I, as a passenger on Flight 93, have said to myself, “Okay, we’re obviously going to die anyway. Let’s make sure we take these guys out before they can do what they intend to do”? (And then have the presence of mind to formulate some sort of plan and make sure we were away from populated areas?)

I remember the man inside the South tower who called home to tell his family that he was fine, not to worry. Later, on their answering machine they heard him say it was the other tower that was on fire. He didn’t know what was happening, but he was fine. I can picture this man at his desk, maybe walking around a bit while he was talking. Then he must have turned his head to look out the window and saw a plane headed straight for him because just then on the answering machine tape he screams…. Then there is nothing. Imagine that being the last thing you have of your husband or your father. Imagine having that to replay over and over to add to your grief.

I wasn’t able to write anything before that day. On that day I couldn’t even bear to sit at the computer and make the attempt. One week and nine years later, all I can say with any clarity is,

All my other children slept through the night at 4 weeks, or 4 months. There was a 4 in there. That was it unless they had bad dreams or something. No problem. Abigail is 14 1/2 months old and STILL does not sleep through the night. Lately we can’t even get her to sleep in the first place.

Her pediatrician told us a couple of months ago that it sounded pretty normal to him. (Really??) She’s healthy, up to date on shots, isn’t around people and carrying a disease that hasn’t blossomed yet. Soooo….what the heck?

We’ve tried bathing her, singing to her, rocking her, bouncing her, talking to her, lying down with her, putting her in bed with us (over months and months)…it doesn’t matter if we do the same thing everynight or we try something new. Nothing works…and if it does, it doesn’t work twice.

Last night at hre MeeMaw’s house (granted, new place) we swam in the pool to tire her out, we watched a boring movie, we bounced and she would doze. She emptied her bottle. Wide awake. We started over…and she was awake. She was up and around until around 5 or so..then I laid down with her and she fell asleep…until she rolled over and she woke up crying. We tried lying down, bouncing, hushing, turning lights down, lying down with her and she just cried inconsolably for about an hour. Then she finally went down with Daddy. I slept on the couch until I heard her crying again and I went in the bedroom with her and she laid down with me and a bottle and went back to sleep and we slept til 1:30 this afternoon.

I am dying here. I think we’ve tried everything and there just isn’t any thing that she likes that will lull her to sleep. Someone suggested lavender bath stuff…I bought that and it gave her a rash.

So…what are we missing? You’d think she’d go to sleep if for no other reason than she’s been awake for far too long, but no. Yesterday was a normal night, and she napped for an hour and she was awake until almost 7 am. I’m at a loss and am begging for sleeping advice. My brain no longer works. Her daddy and I just walk around and yawn. We’re like zombies. Well, zombies who are too tired to eat brains.