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no habit is an accident: month 2, final recap

I’ve sat down to write this post multiple times. Yet-every time I do, I fear that I won’t be able to really articulate what I’m trying to express. This month’s challenge has brought me success, but in a way that didn’t exactly ‘hit the mark’ based on how I was measuring it.

Forming a habit and committing to doing a daily devotional means exactly that. You do it every day. So with that being my benchmark, I failed. End of story.

However, allow me to argue against that for a minute. Because the times I did do them, I felt so strongly propelled to the text I was reading; that it seemed less like trying to form a habit and a lot more like magnetism.

My faith always has and always will be a part of me; more or less intrinsic you could say. But I’ll also be the first to admit, how dormant and lukewarm I’ve let it get.

I forgot what the reward feels like for really seeking. Seeking a relationship. For a nonbelievers and for the strongest of believers, alike, it sounds crazy. A relationship?? With a spirit? How??

Here’s a little secret: it is crazy. It’s incomprehensible, it’s unfathomable; His love knows no limits.

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.”

-Matthew 7:7-8

A few days into the challenge, I chose to read multiple chapters straight from the New Testament each day instead of doing a guided, mini devotional. It was far more time-consuming, and undoubtedly contributed to my inability to do it every day. (Which, ok fine, even that is debatable, but I’m just being realistic).

I had also chosen to read from a student Bible that provides more of a modern-day translation, as well as footnotes to better explain the lesson behind each verse itself. Suddenly, reading heavy, academic, ancient biblical text felt alive.

The actions, the learnings, the teachings, the verses–not so much just the words themselves; but the message coming through it, and the posture in sure in which this incredible story is being told. It’s as if a living breathing thing was still out there providing that very same message.

Oh wait–there is.

I’ve literally had insomnia for most of this month. I can contribute it to a lot of things, including too many coffees in the afternoon, a full calendar, and a general buzz about stressors or things to look forward.

…But I’d also be lying to myself if I didn’t give credit to the vibrance I’ve been reintroduced to. I’m not on pace with the “Lent Challenge” New Testament reading plan I’ve been following. But I’m choosing to be ok with that. Because if you think about it, this is one story that actually never ends. Imagine that. I’m taking my time with each chapter: questioning, doubting, fearing, wondering, loving, celebrating and everything in between.

What I did learn, is this newly acquired ‘habit’ won’t be going anywhere, anytime soon. I look forward to continuing the reading plan into April.

For finding a resilience in something far bigger than me, is the greatest gift—of peace, of love, of grace, & ofstrength.