Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears; I come to bury Bernie, not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones; so let it be with Bernie. The 2017 season of Formula Oppo has begun! This week like every year we head on down to the Outback Steakhouse of Austria for the opening stage of fantasy racing. Cue the music!

This year, everything changes. The douchebag supreme hath been dethroned by an American media company. Tires are wider. Wings are larger. Cars are faster with more power and aerodynamics, (well, unless you’re McLaren). Last year’s champion, Princess Rosberg decided to be a one hit wonder and retired. Jenson Button happily retired from the Honda power plant. Bottas is now with Mercedes. Felipe Massa is, uh, um, back with Williams after they showed up at his cabin in the woods while he was chopping firewood saying, “We need you back, Felipe.” Manor F1 has left the building. More divers were shuffled about. My tournament bracket is fucking shot. Holy fucking shit, this season, you guys.

On to the racing this week. We begin the season, as always, on a street circuit. Will Mercedes maintain their absolute dominance? Can Ferrari find their way back to the front? Has Red Bull regained their wings? Will Williams new boy become the new Crashtor? Has Haas got a chance at higher up results? Have you seen Vijay Mallya? Can Sauber find a way to score points now that those pesky Manor cars are gone from the grid? Did Nico Hulkenberg bring his good luck to Renault? How many laps will McLaren’s Honda power units survive?

Your Drivers:

Lewis Hamilton- Mercedes

Valtteri Bottas- Mercedes

Daniel Ricciardo- Red Bull

Max Verstappen- Red Bull

Sebastian Vettel- Ferrari

Kimi Raikkonen- Ferrari

Sergio Perez- Force India

Esteban Ocon- Force India

Felipe Massa- Williams

Lance Stroll- Williams

Fernando Alonso- McLaren

Stoffel Vandoorne- McLaren

Daniil Kvyat- Toro Rosso

Carlos Sainz Jr- Toro Rosso

Romain Grosjean- Haas

Kevin Magnussen- Haas

Nico Hulkenberg- Renault

Jolyon Palmer- Renault

Marcus Ericsson- Sauber

{Pascal Wehrlein} Antonio Giovinazzi- Sauber

Advertisement

My picks:

Q. Lewis Hamilton

1. Lewis Hamilton

2. Sebastian Vettel

3. Valtteri Bottas

Curse: Fernando Alonso’s engine shall decide that it had rather be a paperweight leaving him to take a nice stroll around Albert Park.

Advertisement

For the rest of you, you have until Q1 to make your picks or they will not count! Good luck!