ilth, like all virtues, presents itself in a variety of packages. Some songs are filthy simply because of what’s being said; others because of how it’s delivered, or who is doing the delivering. Listed below are ten songs not to play for the family this holiday season.

10. The Moldy Peaches - Rainbows
Kimya and Adam enjoy saying dirty words for, seemingly, no better reason than that they sound funny, which makes this song something of an odd fit alongside nine tracks that are genuinely filthy. Still, “You gotta have dick / To have a dick in your mouth” should sufficiently offend just about any standard of common decency.

08. PJ Harvey - Reeling
Polly Jean Harvey operates on a specific, singularly discomfiting level of filthiness. At her best, she can make a listener squirm like none other. In fact, nearly any track off her first two records or 4-Track Demos would’ve worked fine here, but, for shits and giggles, I’m going with “Robert De Niro, sit on my face”—hands-down, one of the grossest mental images in rock history.

07. Petey Pablo - Freak-a-leek
It’s amazing to me that this song received so much airplay, even in an edited form that scarcely concealed all the nasty-ass shit going on here. “I need a girl that I can freak wit’ / And wanna try shit / And ain't scared of a big dick / And love to get her pussy licked / By another bitch / Cause I ain't drunk enough to do that.” Seriously, folks, this was, somehow, a radio staple for the better part of a year! And your little sister knew exactly what he was saying!

06. Christina Aguilera - Dirrty
The song alone might’ve just missed this list, but the video safely secures it a spot, since that’s, inevitably, what comes to mind every time you hear it, whether at a club or during a media timeout at a basketball game. This is where Christina “Genie in a Bottle” Aguilera morphed into the primal force of nature we now know as Xtina, the little blonde cock-tease smothered in motor oil, sweat, and Christ knows what else.

05. Britney Spears - Touch of My Hand
Talk about a competitive rivalry. Christina went all out: jet-black hair, piercings, leather (ala, Olivia Newton John in Grease!), semi-nude cover-art, the whole nine yards. Britney’s response? A song about masturbation! No, hold on…A ballad about masturbation: “From the small of my back and the arch of my feet / Lately I’ve been noticing the beautiful me / I’m all in my skin and I’m not gonna wait / I’m into myself in the most precious way.” It doesn’t get much ickier than this.

04. The Notorious B.I.G. - One More Chance
Possibly the greatest of all sex-raps, and certainly one of the filthiest. Almost every line is quote-worthy: “Hit you with the dick / Make your kidneys shift.” “I fuck non-stop, lick my lips a lot / Used to lick the clits a lot, but lickin’ clits had to stop.” “I got the cleanest, meanest penis / Ya never seen this stroke of genius.” They don’t call him Big for nothin’.

03. Ying Yang Twins - Wait (The Whisper Song)
Honestly, how could this not be on here? In three baroquely obscene minutes, the Ying Yang Twins forever raised (or lowered, depending on your viewpoint) the bar for all things vile and revolting. The first time I heard it, I really couldn’t believe that they were actually saying what they appeared to be saying—a fool-proof earmark of truly sublime filth. Bonus points for the Smiths mash-up!

01. Prince – Sister
I’ve heard only a fraction of a percent of all the songs in existence, and yet I feel quite safe in wagering that is the filthiest song ever written in the English language. Incest may be the last real taboo, and here’s Prince singing “My sister was thirty-two, lovely, and loose / She don’t wear no underwear / She says it only gets in her hair / And it’s got a funny way of stopping the juice.” Because “Sister” is neither dark nor apologetic, and sounds nothing like a joke, it’s infinitely filthier than any of the incest riffs in The Aristocrats. The only thing that could ever possibly top it would be a Michael Jackson track about how much fun it is to...