February 6, 2009

Fact is Better: The Mocking Doc

Apparently, the doctor's office that I go to hires only really attractive, married, young doctors. For example, my doctor is sexy. He was out today. I got a different doctor. Also sexy.

It's hard for me to be serious and focused on being sick when sexy doctors are touching me.

*looks at chart*Doctor: "Profession . . . beer model. Beer model? You're a beer model?"Me: "Yeah. A beer model."Doctor: "That's amazing. What's a beer model?"Me: "We're girls who go to bars and educated people on new drinks."Doctor: "That's the coolest profession I've ever heard of. Are you Irish?"Me: "Yeah. Kind of."Doctor: "Your last name is French. You look Irish."Me: "75% French, 25% Irish."Doctor: "Yeah, freckles. Fair skin. Nice."*pause*Doctor: "It sounds like you're breathing through a snorkel. Want some codine?"Me: "Not gonna say no to codine."Doctor: "Nice, and some zythromax, too?"Me: "Yeah, right on."Doctor: "Also, to help the laryngitis, no talking or eating anything dairy for the next 48 hours."Me: *giant pause*Doctor: "You okay?"Me: "You mean like no milk?"Doctor: "No milk, no yogurt, no pudding, no cheese, no ice cream, nothing. No dairy. Like . . . you're like . . . you're like a vegan beer model on codine. That's kind of fun, hunh?"Me: "That's not really gonna wor . . ."Doctor: "Also, stop talking."Me: *glaring*Doctor: "Right, so here's your prescriptions, and if you want you can take the back exit so that adoring fans don't rush up on you for autographs.”