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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Last night was horrible, Joe and I were fighting, Aj has not been listening and Ron has had enough. Ron has set down the law of his house and told Aj he is on probation. He has 1 month to start respecting his father and the rest of us, listening to what he is told and complaining less. If he does not then he is not allowed to live here anymore. This now leaves Joe with choices that he has to make. Move out, give Aj to his mother or foster him, or ask his parents to take him again for a while. I have no idea what is happening all I know is that my blood pressure is way to high, I am now anemic and constantly tired. Not to mention stressed to the max and with it all very cranky. So here I am in the waiting game hoping that AJ realizes that reality is hitting him in the face and it is time to wake up.What's next?I have no idea. I can say that my car is being fixed, less a bill or 2 but we need to get to all the doctor appointments the 3 adults have. Ron is healing, Joe is playing computer games most of the time and I am fighting to stay awake lately. Such a dull life we lead. Suggestions are always welcome. To be honest we could really use a few! It seems for each step we move forward we fall back 4.Oh, just an FYI. Jen my 14 yr old is not exempt from the punishments. Her father has taken her tv and reminded her that her life is pretty good and can get simplified, Ie: no tv, mp3 player, psp, going out with friends and overnights. He may not be able to tell her that she has to move but he can make living at home hard. With AJ, he wants him to learn that if it wasn't for Him(Ron and I) that life would be very difficult for himself and dad right now. especially with no family backing. We just want to be appreciated and respected. Ok so enough complaining on my part. I have cut out 20 grocery bags that I am hoping to sew with the intention to raffle off a few on here. You know GO GREEN!ttfn

Monday, April 27, 2009

Today was the day Ron had his surgery. For those of you who did not know about this it was for a rotary cup tear. When the Doctor opened up his shoulder he discovered that the tear was not as bad as he originally figured. Thank God for little miracles. Ron has been patched up and hopefully now will be back to work in about 7 weeks. We brought him home and with little complaint he is nursing his wound. Of course the pain medication is working wonders for him too. It must be a good day as I got in touch with someone I have missed since my cruise in March, Pam. I really have missed speaking with her. We have been writing back and forth via email, but at her end she has been super busy and doesn't get to respond as often as I "live" online. The phone time made my day. We hit it off so well on the ship that I would hate to loose her friendship even as new as it is. Personally I can not wait till we get to see each other again. Can ya tell how much I miss her? I never had a friend before like her, well beside Joe but that doesn't count cause he shares my bed. Don't get me wrong I have met and chatted with others and know several people but there is something about Pam that I can not explain. Like a sister you never met but know from the heart. She just belongs.

Friday, April 24, 2009

My 18 yr old moved out 2 days ago and with her went her income. So no more help there. We knew eventually the day would come but we also had expected that Joe's Social Security would sort of pivot out the expenses. It never came. So now my meager income is footing the bill. Ron is out of work for the next 5 1/2 months due to an injury and after that we have no idea what happens. So who is paying the bills? I am paying the mortgage and that's about it!It just so happens my blood pressure has been high and the doctor is concerned that I will collapse from it. Right now it is not treatable as "High" blood pressure. But it does cause reason to watch. Even my mother is worried about it. I have daily chest pain and a head ache from it. But then what does it matter. It is not like anyone else is going to change things here. Or like they can. My mood is depressed and sour. I don't want to do anything and find no joy in my surroundings. I think it is more like we can not afford to do anything so why bother and that is depressing enough.Once again everyone sits on the couch or on the computers because we really have no clue how to make things "happen". We owe money and can not pay it, we can not make these debts go away, so as the days move on things happen and grow. Oh I forgot to mention my check engine light is back on and my car needs to be worked on again. Who can afford that? Shit! We really need some relief here. This on going saga seems to never end and there is never any help outside these walls. Eventually one of us is going to fall over from the stress of this house. We have grown to hate it here. Not one of us likes it anymore. We would gladly give up this house and this state for a better place, a better life and a stress free enviorment.When you wake up and what should be beauty of life turns into a nightmare of where is the "Money" to survive. It becomes a terrible shame. Our lives have lowered to a level of finacial hell. The word Love has been strained by money, bills and the lack of. Our faith is tested daily and it is very hard to hold on to what you truely believe in. Especially when you have little to nothing to work with.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I think the title says it all. Our weather here sucks today. Cold and rainy. I have hopes that tomorrow is better, at least weather wise. Joe had his heart tests done yesterday and so far so good. That means the cruise is a go. Ok so there is something good in the yuck of things. I managed to tear something in my groin... AGAIN. this really sucks. Every time I try to do something, lift something... I am in pain. Upside of it, I have lost so far 6 pounds. Ok so another good thing has happened. Might have to changed the title by the time I am finished posting.Monday Ron has surgery on his shoulder. His recovery will take 5 months. That is 5 months home, no work and making me buggy. But that is ok, I am used to it.Angel's babies daddy came back from California today. Lord help us! Angel is like living in HELL. Her mood swings are so wide it is like being on a sail boat during a hurricane and the mast swinging freely knocking your ass off the boat. Hang on Fellas your going in!!! Perhaps there is hope that this boy will own up and get a job and be a daddy? Ok who am I kidding?Soooo.. for now I am stuck on the couch, watching tv and computing. Later I will crochet, surf and cook super. ttfn

Saturday, April 18, 2009

I was not going to post this yet as a picture wasn't taken. It was sort of an after thought on our part. So this is the skinney of things. Today Joe handed over the key to his motorcycle and I started to learn how to ride it. Yep that's right all. I did it. I made it to second gear on our side street. It isn't long enough to go any faster so I did what I could. Joe said I did great for my first time out. I am soooo thrilled. I had a blast. He said next time he will take pictures of me riding so that I can use them for the blog. Until tomorrow...Have a good night!

I am thoroughly burnt out. After hours of combing through others Blogs I am pooped. I love crochet patterns from other countries and have if you notice below, saved the Blogs. You are welcome to check them out as there are many wonderful patterns. But I warn you they are not in English. Once my mind can absorb again I will be back surfing once more. In the mean time I am off to take a break. Take care.. Oh here is a little something for you to enjoy

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Angel is making us all crazy!! Beside the fact that she listens to nothing we say , the baby's daddy who is in California cause he ran off for another woman, calls here to tell her she is with another boy. Of course she was, walking with her sibling to the store. I tell you something better give or I am going to strangle someone. I am sick of her pregnancy, sick of her, sick of all the bull shit that is going on around here and just want it all to go away already. You would think that we could just be happy and enjoy the little things in life, well not with her drama. Go get me this, shut up, I want that, I am tired, there is nothing to do. Why dont you buy more food. I have nothing to wear.. It goes on and on and on. And that is just Angel.I have 2 more children that have their days and at least they are young enough to understand the words grounded. Life is not hard enough on us as adults trying to support them, Making ends meat with what little we have? Can they not cut us some slack? Have words of wisdom please feel free to spread some our way....

Monday, April 13, 2009

It's Monday and of course it is raining. I can not imagine where the warmer weather is. Isn't suppose to be spring? It makes for a blah mood. Lately there has been a lot of blah going around my house. The adult had a good long discussion and decided that we had to get it together and heal the issues at hand. We are in what is called a "waiting game" . With that in mind you can not really set a mood because you have no idea really how to think on things. I am almost finished crocheting another baby blanket, this one for a girl. It is very colorful and yes pictures will come once it is finished. Once the rain passed. Say by Thursday, we are going to plant some tomato's. Joe set up a bed for the plants away from the dog. It really is the little things that are hitting home these days. If not for them I would totally loose it. . I am off for some coffee but will be back in a little while to post some more

Saturday, April 11, 2009

I never got a chance to show you my toys. Pretty pink Petunia, my lovely Italian scooter and then the red scooter that my family likes to play with. This will be the first year we get to really enjoy them. In Indiana you do not need anything special to get them on the road. IE: license plate, insurance, drivers license.. Just the desire for the open road. You just can't take them on the highways.

In the mess of my life there is a new addition that will be coming sometime near the begining of Nov 2009. We are not sure if it is a boy or a girl yet. Still this is the first I have crocheted, it is for a boy. Perhaps I have set the tone for the future? My daughter is playing with the name Malachi and has none yet for a girl. Hope you like what I have made

Friday, April 10, 2009

Joe wrote to his parents for advice on his current situation. Financial and mental. I had written earlier about my husband supporting him and his son. The state gives him a piddle of cash so that he can have something which is about $200. Not enough to live on by any means. He got a response from his father. I guess the general comment was to get a job. Now in most cases you and I would say Sure Joe that sounds good. go get a job. But Joe has been released from work for a couple years due to medical reasons and poor health and is fighting for SSI/SSD. He is on the cusp of it all now.With no income and a son and X wife. She can surface and fight to take the boy. Might not win because of her mental health but then the state would take Joe's son and foster him. Now think on this. My husband is saving Joe and his son a lot of grief. Joe is and has asked for just a little help. some relief from the rest of us. He gets nothing. no response. His family is 5 times the size of mine and not a finger. Ok his sister has helped us. She did a major part in the purchase of our house. But we are really stuck again. Now what. Joe needs something steady on a month to month till his SSI/SSD rolls in. AJ needs clothing Joe needs shoes. Its the little things that are missing because we cant do it. Joe can not offer me a little something as a trinket of love. He has empty hands. When does Love take over or fail when your income can't maintain your life? Can anyone answer this question? please feel free to respond

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

So if I was to say I was interested in say maybe selling a kidney.... what would I have to do? I mean I have 2 and they work really well. I figure someone out here could use one and we need the money really bad. It would be a win win situation... think about it

I have several issues to address. First of all Joe and AJ. Joe was denied his income once again and my separated spouse is supporting him and AJ his son. Is that proper? Is it fair? Should I allow it? Is love that binds that thick and if it is should I not be with my husband then? Who suffers the most with all of this?We are all suffering here again. Ron was injured at work and living on 60% income supporting us ALL. Angel is pregnant and doesn't know if she is coming or going. Her income is the same way up in the air.My car is on it's way out again. The transmission is slipping. We need $1600 to fix it and don't have it. No there is no way to back out of the trip we prepaid. It is NON REFUNDABLE. So don't bring it up. I am stuck. Joe is Stuck. Our relationship is in hell or virtually non existent at this point. We are trying but money looms over everything we do these days.Angel is not making things any easier on us. I want this gimmie that. I am going to be 18 so gimme gimme. That's all we hear these days.On the flip side, I had 7 teeth drilled on yesterday so I can eat with out pain. I am in pain anyways from the twisting of my jaw and lips. Maybe tomorrow I will feel like eating. Not today. Seriously I wish there was something better to post to anyone who reads this. I have nothing left to give, sell or bleed out. I am empty and broke. My bills are paid and that's about it. No luxuries available for the summer. Note with out the car we will not be able to get to the cruise either. Keep that in mind. A total loss of the money paid for a little something for almost everyoneWith this mouthfull I will close for now....

Saturday, April 04, 2009

I have been in this awful funk when it comes to crochet. Perhaps I have broken that and am on a roll now. I just finished this top. Made with out a pattern it is all my own. I believe I can modify it for another if wanted. I would seriously have to try. I can tell you I used an F hook for the cups and a G hook for the body. It is all cotton and feels really nice on the skin. Shame I sold off my cotton else I would be making more for the summer. Hope you like looking at it as much as I will like wearing it.I am really proud of myself on this one!

About Me

In July 2007 my family and I moved to Indiana from Erie Pennsylvania. I am a mom of what seems to be an endless number of children. I have one cat,(Mr.Nibbles) who does not know he is a feline and I am not inclined to tell him otherwise. Our newest addition is a Lab/Hound mix, Of course her name is Leila. Most people who know me tell me I am eccentric by nature and never doing anything by the "rules". I have my moments like anyone else I guess. Outgoing somedays, withdrawn others. ( haha... sounds bi-polar)