In the iTunes window you should see a ipod icon - click it and you'll see the options/preferences window "manually manage..., automatically update..." etc and there should be a box which you can click if you want itunes to start up or not when you plug in the ipod.

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I don't want to have to walk over there to do it."