]]>We’re in the middle of summer now, and you’ve likely had the children home for a good three weeks. Are you having the best summer ever? Or have you begun counting down the days to when they go back to school?

In order for all of us to enjoy the summer it’s important that we pull together, divide the daily household workload, be considerate of one another’s commitments and celebrate life daily together. Including children in daily responsibilities teaches them realistic life lessons. Consider the following:

1. Give your children household chores. Chores given at an early age helps children build a lasting sense of mastery, responsibility and self-reliance. It also teaches them how to be empathetic and responsive to others’ needs. Richard Rende, a developmental psychologist says “Parents today want their kids spending time on things that can bring them success. But ironically, we’ve stopped doing one thing that’s actually been a proven predictor of success—and that’s household chores.” Chores, when done in the spirit of cooperation strengthens family cohesion.

2. Create a schedule. Children feel more secure when they know what to expect from day to day. Similar to a teacher, in order for the day to run smoothly, teachers have a daily lesson plan. At home the structure may be – children get up at a reasonable time,help in preparing breakfast, cleaning up the living areas, then playing outdoors. Reading, indoor activity and lunch followed by quiet time / nap time. Also, make time to play and structure time to chill and relax.

3. Help your children develop a healthy relationship with time. Manage down-time creatively.Children have a variety of activities at their disposal. When not active or being entertained with a gadget, help them learn to manage quiet time. Encourage them to read, try new things, and stretch their imagination.

Spend time outdoors. Riding bikes, playing ball, climbing and gardening are excellent ways for children to get their sun exposure (Vitamin D). Richard Louv, author of the book “Last Child in the Woods” says “outdoor experience isn’t just something nice for kids to have, they have to have it. Neuroscientists tap interaction with the natural world as a primary player in children’s sensory development. Ditto for physical development, as running around outside is critical in refining children’s large and small motor skills and achieving full brain activation.”

4. Plan meals together. Before heading off to college a child needs to have skills to take care of him or herself. Meal planning, purchasing as well as making meals together is a great bonding experience where everyone can enjoy the finished project. Remember to teach them how to make a special dessert!

5.Set aside some time every day to have fun. Whether it’s running through the sprinklers together on a hot afternoon or counting the stars on a blanket in the backyard before bedtime, do at least one thing a day to connect and have fun. Remember, what matters is always how it FEELS, not how it LOOKS. Your child doesn’t need an activity to keep their interest; just a loving connection with you.

6. Make a photo board. The last week of the summer, print out all your summer photos and make a photo board. Have a little family celebration on Labor Day weekend where you talk about everybody’s favorite parts of the summer. Remind each other of the things that seemed like disasters at the time but are now funny (every family has some of those!). If you do this every summer, you’ll create precious family memories.

b. Sadness → Get up, get moving, get active! Go for a workout, be social.

c. Fear/Anxiety → Move toward the source of the fear, over and over again!

d. Shame → Share, discuss, out yourself

EMOTION: Develop a better relationship with your emotion by Practicing Willingness to have the emotion you are having in the moment. Repeat the MANTRA “I am willing to have this feeling of…. In this moment

THOUGHTS: Check your thoughts for accuracy. Are your thoughts 100% true? Seek to find an ALTERNATIVE INTERPRETATION of the facts, which is…

]]>February is Suicide Awareness Month and I was concerned about the staggering statistics in the rise in attempts by teenagers and young adults. Coming of age for teenagers involves shifts and changes. This transition may exhibit the emotional tug of war in loud outbursts or quiet brooding, spending more and more time away from home and with friends, and even opting for solitude rather than joining us at the dinner table. How do we watch for behaviors that stem away from characteristic adolescent moodiness and veer into more dangerous contemplations of suicide?

By 2014, suicide was the tenth leading cause of death in America, and climbed up to number two for teenagers and young adults.1 million estimated suicide attempts are made in America alone per year, and over 40,000 lead to actual deaths.These staggering numbers can catalyze us to understanding the vastness of the issue in our culture and inspire us to be vessels of hope to those who don’t know how to handle thoughts of suicide.

There are a few signs to look for.90% of suicides are related to mental disorders, particularly depression and anxiety. Other risk factors include substance abuse disorders, prior suicide attempts, family history of suicide and family violence, and exposure to suicidal behaviors of others.

Listen for conversations that include comments of:

Hurting themselves

Having no reason to live

Being a burden to others

Watch for behavior changes, particularly related to:

Increased use of alcohol or drugs

Reckless behavior

Withdrawing from usual activities

Isolating from community

Sleeping too much or too little

Giving away prized possessions

If you suspect a loved one is considering suicide, voice your concern.Studies reveal that bringing up the topic does not plant it into their minds, nor strengthen the likelihood that suicide will occur.Share with your child that you love them unconditionally and that you’re concerned.Ask them how they got to this place of desperation and listen. They may say things like “no one understands me,”“life is just too hard,” or “I’m better off dead.” Of course this is faulty thinking but dealing with depression is not about thinking, it’s about how they’re feeling. So don’t try to correct what they say. It just confirms that no one understands them.

Instead, listen. Listen to learn what they’re going through. Remind them that you love them and that you’ll get through this difficult time. Take all thoughts of suicide seriously and seek professional mental help.

If peers or your friends have considered or have died of suicide, whether they be celebrities or classmates at school, dialogue with your child about it.Stories of suicide deaths may elicit a chain reaction among young peers, so mental health professionals often suggest to keep the stories away from public spotlight.Grieve with your child when this happens, and take proactive measures to monitor their position.

It is normal for grieving loved ones to question, to miss, to mourn, to feel guilty and to search for answers.If you are grieving a lost loved one, seek support and guidance. You can eventually come to a place of peace.

Thankfully, awareness movements and campaigns have relieved some of the

stigma regarding suicide.The month of February is dedicated to raising awareness and decreasing the stigma surrounding suicide.Battling thoughts of suicide or supporting loved ones in their time of need is not something to be ashamed of. Seek support – through families, friends, communities, and especially through professional mental health experts.Help create a culture that doesn’t hide from each other in its times of greatest need.

]]>We all want to live happy and fulfilled lives. Research in positive psychology suggests that the following tips have the power to actually change your outlook and help improve your satisfaction with life. Whether it’s with a friend, family member, or as a personal challenge, here are five positive practices to bring greater happiness in your life:

1. Live in the Moment.

It is easy to let our thoughts drift into the future or the past.We think about goals and deadlines, reminisce on good times or perhaps ruminate on bad ones. Perhaps the most difficult, yet rewarding task we can do is to keep our minds in the present.There are many ways you can practice living in the moment – starting with a personal practice of mindfulness. Not all mindfulness happens in a yoga studio or in a Zen space – it can be as simple as taking deep breaths in the office or listening to the rhythmic sound of your shoes hitting pavement on a walk.

2. Listen to Loved Ones.

With so much information vying for our attention, sometimes it gets hard to focus and we miss important moments. If loved ones are confiding in you, put whatever you are doing aside and listen to the meaning behind their message. Listen to learn. Listen to understand. Put aside the need to fix or help them with whatever they’re saying. Reflect back what you hear them say. Ask them for clarification if their message is confusing. These counseling techniques helps them to become more clear about what is disturbing for them. People typically vent so that they can process emotional turmoil out loud to those they trust.

3. Prioritize Quality Time.

We seem to always spend time being productive and needing an output to show for it. Sometimes, the most important output is the one that cannot be quantified. Spend time with your loved ones, even if it doesn’t get you somewhere or come with a touristy photo from an exotic place. Quality time can be as simple as eating a meal together or taking ten minutes after the kids get home from school to talk about the day. Quality time forges a unique bond between loved ones that money just can’t buy.

4. Count Your Blessings.

The science of gratitude shows that thankful people are generally happy people.Sometimes we forget the simple things that we ought to be thankful for.Adopt a time every day devoted to writing down what it is that you are thankful for.Write down a couple things that have a positive influence on your life, and even this small act can shape your perspective into one with more positivity. Share with your loved ones those things you are thankful for.

5. Let it Go.

Challenge yourself to only hold on to what truly matters to you.Are there things that you have been holding onto that need to be let go this next year?Consider the relationships, practices, and involvements that are more parasitic than productive, and carefully ask yourself why you continue to take part in them.Give yourself the freedom to focus your attention on the things that are truly important and life enhancing.

This year, consider a list of resolutions that can transform your life and relationships.
Research in positive psychology suggests that the following tips have the power to
actually change your outlook and help improve your satisfaction with life. Whether it’s
with a friend, family member, or as a personal challenge, here are five positive practices
to bring with you into 2015:

1. Live in the Moment. It is easy to let our thoughts drift into the future or the past.
We think about goals and deadlines, reminisce on good times or perhaps ruminate
on bad ones. Perhaps the most difficult, yet rewarding task we can do is to keep
our minds in the present. There are many ways you can practice living in the
moment – starting with a personal practice of mindfulness. Not all mindfulness
happens in a yoga studio or in a Zen space – it can be as simple as taking deep
breaths in the office or listening to the rhythmic sound of your shoes hitting
pavement on a walk.

2. Listen to Loved Ones. With so much information vying for our attention,
sometimes it gets hard to focus and we miss important moments. If loved ones are
confiding in you, put whatever you are doing aside and listen to the meaning
behind their message. Listen to learn. Listen to understand. Put aside the need to
fix or help them with whatever they’re saying. Reflect back what you hear them
say. Ask them for clarification if their message is confusing. These counseling
techniques helps them to become more clear about what is disturbing for them.
People typically vent so that they can process emotional turmoil out loud to those
they trust.

3. Prioritize Quality Time. We seem to always spend time being productive and
needing an output to show for it. Sometimes, the most important output is the one
that cannot be quantified. Spend time with your loved ones, even if it doesn’t get
you somewhere or come with a touristy photo from an exotic place. Quality time
can be as simple as eating a meal together or taking ten minutes after the kids get
home from school to talk about the day. Quality time forges a unique bond
between loved ones that money just can’t buy.

4. Count Your Blessings. The science of gratitude shows that thankful people are
generally happy people. Sometimes we forget the simple things that we ought to
be thankful for. Adopt a time every day devoted to writing down what it is that
you are thankful for. Write down a couple things that have a positive influence on
your life, and even this small act can shape your perspective into one with more
positivity. Share with your loved ones those things you are thankful for.

5. Let it Go. Challenge yourself to only hold on to what truly matters to you. Are
there things that you have been holding onto that need to be let go this next year?
Consider the relationships, practices, and involvements that are more parasitic
than productive, and carefully ask yourself why you continue to take part in them.
Give yourself the freedom to focus your attention on the things that are truly
important and life enhancing.

]]>http://gerardcounseling.com/five-new-years-resolutions-change-life/feed/0The Gift of Self-Compassionhttp://gerardcounseling.com/gift-self-compassion/
http://gerardcounseling.com/gift-self-compassion/#commentsThu, 13 Nov 2014 18:19:21 +0000http://gerardcounseling.com/?p=790 Are you one of those individuals who has a big h […]

Are you one of those individuals who has a big heart, is able to forgive others, and drops everything to help others – sometimes at the expense of taking care of your own needs?

Based on a study conducted at the University of Texas at Austin, self-compassion is strongly related to happiness, optimism, reflective wisdom, and personal initiative. If you find yourself continually berating yourself for not meeting your own harsh standards, you may be crippling yourself from actually being able to be happy.

Whether it’s showing up late to a meeting, eating a few extra treats during the day, or losing patience with the kids, we’re overly critical and judgmental of ourselves when we believe we have disappointed a loved one or have failed. We jump to extreme conclusions – “I’m such an Idiot! I am never going to get this right!” – and blow often trivial mistakes out of proportion. Rather than being kind to ourselves so that we can do better next time, this dramatization only increases our anxiety and attachments to the problem.

Self-compassion is extending compassion to one’s self in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering. It encompasses three areas:

* Being kind to the self amidst failure and perceived inadequacy * Realizing that failure is part of the human experience, and * Being mindfully aware of our emotions.

Consider treating yourself as you already treat others:

Be Nice to Yourself When You Fall.

Different from having a positive self-esteem, practicing self-compassion means that you are kind towards your own perceived failures and inadequacies. In the same way that we are not usually inclined to yell at a child for making a mistake out of compassion, we can learn to show ourselves a similar grace. It’s okay to treat yourself the way that you want to be treated, whether or not you think you deserve it.

You Are Not Alone in Falling.

Everybody makes mistakes. It is part of what makes us human. Rather than isolating and comparing ourselves to others who seem to have it all together, it is important to recognize that you are not alone.

Practice Awareness and Curiosity with your behavior.

When we are harsh with ourselves, it is difficult to want to face our own failures. Adapt an attitude of becoming curious to understand how and why a situation happened, how and why it affected you, and ways in which you can make it a growth experience. If we are forgiving and kind in the midst of perceived failure, we are able to self-heal and grow from the negative experience.

Learn to face your feelings and anxieties rather than run away from them.

If there are areas in your life that you find yourself being your own biggest bully, stop and reflect what the critical voice is about. Everyone makes mistakes and “blows it” from time to time. You are the role model to your children. When children experience you being kind to yourself in a self-reflective way, they too will learn to be kind and more compassionate with themselves as well as others.

(Research from the Journal of Research in Personality, Issue 41. “An examination of self-compassion in relation to positive psychological functioning and personality trait” by Neff, K. et al. at the University of Texas at Austin.)

]]>http://gerardcounseling.com/gift-self-compassion/feed/0What is a Healthy Marriage?http://gerardcounseling.com/healthy-marriage/
http://gerardcounseling.com/healthy-marriage/#commentsMon, 10 Nov 2014 05:25:31 +0000http://gerardcounseling.com/?p=806The post What is a Healthy Marriage? appeared first on Gerard Counseling.
]]>

]]>http://gerardcounseling.com/healthy-marriage/feed/1Bullying: Tips for Parentshttp://gerardcounseling.com/bullying-tips-parents/
http://gerardcounseling.com/bullying-tips-parents/#commentsTue, 04 Nov 2014 06:19:56 +0000http://gerardcounseling.com/?p=781With nearly one-third of students in the United States […]

]]>http://gerardcounseling.com/bullying-tips-parents/feed/0Relationship Tune Up Specialhttp://gerardcounseling.com/relationship-tune-up-special/
http://gerardcounseling.com/relationship-tune-up-special/#commentsThu, 11 Jul 2013 23:36:36 +0000http://gerardcounseling.com/?p=701Is it Time for a Relationship Check-Up? One of the grea […]

One of the great illusions of our time is that love is self-sustaining. It is not.

Love must be fed and nurtured, constantly renewed.

That demands ingenuity and consideration, but first and foremost, it demands time.

– David Mace

People change. Relationships also change. Change isn’t necessarily good or bad – it happens. Work, children, financial pressures and taking care of one’s personal needs – all are important and vie for time from our busy lives. People don’t intentionally neglect their relationship with their partner or spouse, but often find themselves too busy with other responsibilities that they loose sight of their most important relationship – each other.

When things are going well for couples, they are able to draw strength from this “safe haven” love relationship. However, when communication has broken down and couples neglect to effectively repair resentments and hurts, those feelings don’t go away on their own. If left unaddressed, the issues tend to come up time and again, causing an icy wall of isolation between them.

Is it time for a Relationship Check-Up? We’re taught to tune up our car every 3,000 miles, to visit the dentist twice a year, and to bring young children to their pediatrician for well-baby care. We’re mindful of our physical health – watching our diet, working out, and visiting a physician when needed. How do you take care of your most valued and life fulfilling relationship?

In a survey conducted by Life Innovations, Inc., they found the following common issues between couples:

Communication

In 76% of marriages, one or both spouses said, “I wish my partner were more willing to share his/her feelings.”

69% of couples report, “I sometimes have difficulty asking my partner for what I want.”

Finances

72% of the time, one or both spouses said, “I wish my partner was more careful about spending money.”

A full 71% of couples report, “We have trouble saving money.”

Sex

68% of those surveyed said, “I am dissatisfied with the amount of affection I receive from my partner.”

66% of married couples express concern about “differing levels of sexual interest.”

Parenting

82% of married couples report, “Having children has reduced our marital satisfaction.”

This may be caused in part by the fact that 64% of couples say, “My partner focuses more on the children than on our marriage.”

Personality Issues

87% of couples indicate, “My partner is sometimes too stubborn.”

83% of the time, one or both report, “My partner is too negative or critical.”

Conflict

In 78% of marriages, one or both partners, “go out of there way to avoid conflict.”

77% of couples say, “We have different ideas about the best way to solve our disagreements.”

“Communication, money, sex . . . these are common issues for all couples. If you are struggling in your marriage, you may be tempted to believe you’re the only one who feels the way you do. Be assured, you are not alone; all couples have challenges they need to overcome.”

Make time today to prioritize, fine-tune and refocus on your most important relationship.