Posts Tagged ‘007’

The new 007 film ‘Skyfall’ may never be released after MI5 became concerned that the secret agent at the heart of the operation, James Bond, has become so famous that he can’t go anywhere without being recognised. To allow him to continue with the missions planned for the film would be to put his and possibly many others’ livelihoods at risk, the intelligence agency confirmed.

James Bond, the secret agent formerly known as 007, has resigned from MI5, citing excessive paperwork, political correctness and boring villain’s lairs as making his life as a government assassin unbearable.

‘When I started out as a hired killer for the UK goverment, I was given a gun and allowed to take out anyone I liked. I fought the real super-villains, who built rocket launching sites inside volcanoes, supertankers that swallowed submarines, space stations and the like – most of them with monorails. On the way, I could have unprotected sex with any woman I fancied. But the assassination of Osama bin Laden shows how frustrating having a license to kill has become.’

Megalomaniac villain Ernest Blofeld has responded vigorously to claims of unsportsmanlike conduct in his treatment of a British agent who penetrated his secret base beneath a volcano in Iceland last week. The agent, unofficially identified as James Bond 007, was immediately executed after being captured by Blofeld’s guards.

Tim Vallely, a 12-year-old boy from Wiltshire, became aware of the power of the intrinsic primal attraction of the opposite sex for the first time this weekend, when sitting on the living room floor while surrounded by three generations of his family watching a Sunday evening James Bond movie.