Tag Archives: We all have to decide whether we will carry the burden

“It is not the strongest or the most intelligent who will survive but those who can best manage change.”

―

Leon C. Megginson

=============

“We’ll never survive!”

“Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has.”

―

The Princess Bride

==============

Ok.

Multiethnic People Forming Circle and Innovation Concept

Business can look a lot like war … well … at least the battles portion. That said … it seems like one could take some lessons from the military at the same time.

Today’s thought is about who you surround yourself with.

Business is rarely, let’s say maybe 90% of the time, not an individual effort but rather a team/group effort.

I dug around in notes I have jotted down and found a thought I had scribbled down, an almost verbatim thought from someone I respect, and consider a good friend, a Christian military veteran who received 12 decorations in 2 tours in Vietnam <including several Purple Hearts>:

“I am fairly sure I served with heathens, homosexuals and a number of others who my faith would consider sinners. I do know that being in the field highlights the flaws & sins of everyone which, in an odd way, brought us together as flawed Marines trying to survive. But, out there, there really was only one line, one distinction: those who were smart enough to help you stay alive and those who were stupid enough to get you killed. Nothing else mattered.”

The main thought?

“Smart enough to help you stay alive and stupid enough to get you killed.”

To be clear.

This doesn’t really mean someone intellectually or educated smart versus some less-than-intellectual “stupid’ person. This is about the ones who have the smarts & savviness to be alert to the things that need to be done, and can do them, to survive versus the ones who can be oblivious to the things that can kill you <and a shitload of faux intellectuals fall into the latter camp>.

That said.

That pretty much summarizes the business world.

Insert “idea” and … well … there you go … “smart enough to help your ideas stay alive and stupid enough to get your ideas killed.”

<I imagine I could also suggest the thought works for getting fired too>

The point is, in business, if you have any desire to do good things you know you will not be able to do it alone and you learn pretty quickly who you want around you … especially when bullets start flying.

You don’t care if they are black, white, yellow, green or any Crayola color you can think of.

You don’t care if they are gay, straight, lesbian, Furrie, zygote or a transgender.

You don’t care if they are Muslim, Jewish, atheist, pray to Zeus, Christian or Buddhist.

All you care about is surrounding yourself with those offering the highest likelihood of survival. You also care about insuring those around you represent the skills and savviness needed for survival.

Look.

Business certainly has aspects of battle and military strategy.

Especially so if you think about ideas and having winning ideas. The metaphor seems appropriate because good ideas, shit … even great ideas, do not “win the day” all on their own. 99% of the time they need to battle their way through a variety of well-placed and ill placed obstacles.

I think I was really lucky that I learned this lesson very early in my career.

I learned by watching others, who had good ideas, champion them alone seeking persona glory … and watching a good idea die.

I learned by championing what I thought were good ideas with the wrong people … and watching a good idea die.

I learned by watching others, who had a good idea and a good team, champion an idea and defend it, fight for it and see it stand at the end … alive & kicking.

My sense is that this learning affected how I hired people when I was a group leader. I wanted people who had ideas and who wanted to champion ideas and who was willing to set aside some personal glory for the sake of insuring the idea didn’t die.

Anyway.

I know many military people but have never been in the military.

I imagine when you are on the battlefield you are standing as close to the one who can shoot the straightest and will shoot when needed … regardless of whether they look like me or not.

I imagine when you are on the battlefield you are more likely to be saying to your fellow soldier … “stay away from Jack, he is one crazy motherfucker and is gonna get us killed” than worrying about whether some person has some quirk, or looks funny or lusts after Little Ponies when they go home at night.

I would suggest that survival, in general, has a nasty habit of eliminating distractions and having you focus on ‘who can do the job.”

I would suggest that if you care about ideas in business that survival of your ideas, in general, has a nasty habit of eliminating distractions and having you end up focusing on “who can do the job.”

I admit.

As a person I don’t get racism, I don’t get xenophobia, I don’t get discrimination, I don’t get any of that stuff. I just think anyone who gets caught up in all that is caught up in some bullshit. And bullshit has no place if you are interested in progress … let alone surviving.

I admit.

As a business person I don’t get racism, I don’t get xenophobia, I don’t get discrimination, I don’t get any of that stuff. I just think anyone who gets caught up in all that is caught up in some bullshit. And bullshit has no place if you are interested in the progress of your ideas … let alone the survival of your ideas.

I admit.

If you want to succeed in business … well … there really is only one line, one distinction: those who are smart enough to help you stay alive and those who are stupid enough to get you killed. Nothing else matters.

“Ninety percent of paid work is time-wasting crap. The world gets by on the other ten.”

―

John Derbyshire

We Are Doomed: Reclaiming Conservative Pessimism

================

Well.

How many times have we sat back and said “I can do that job”?

Now.

To be clear.

I am going to talk about this from a business-to-business perspective and not the corner of the bar-to-‘a job’ perspective. That because from the corner of the bar, after a couple of beers, any of us can do any job better than the person who is currently doing it.

This is an “I have been in the workplace, I feel like I have had some success and … well … shit … I can do that job” perspective.

OK … I am chuckling a little, c’mon, let’s face it, I don’t care who you are and where you have worked you have eyed what another person is doing and thought you could do it. At some point, if you have had some success, all jobs start having some commodity-like characteristics which tease you into believing shifting from one to another just isn’t that difficult.

Ok.

To be fair.

I have never lacked in business confidence. I do not believe there is a business problem that cannot be solved and I also believe <with some realistic pragmatic goggles on> that there is not a problem I cannot solve if I hunker down and get all the information I need. This can make me aggravating to work with on occasion because … well … I make no apologies for “how I may repair things”.

But that shouldn’t be confused with believing I can do any job.

Ok.

Yeah.

I admit.

I am certainly guilty at points in my career where I have certainly thought “I could do that job” over a wide array of responsibilities and unrelated industries.

Note. I rarely thought I could do it better … just that I could do it.

……….. my MBA at Wake Forest experience ………..

I would say that my MBA experience, a great experience with great professors at Wake Forest, encouraged me to think this way. It was a case study program which inherently encouraged thinking skills over black & white discipline skills.

I tend to believe a good MBA program insures you know enough about a specific discipline to be … well … dangerous if you overestimate your own knowledge but effective enough to be able to understand the discipline to apply it in a general management scope.

Now.

In general, I think this attitude, on the positive side, permits you to make the leaps you have to make to jump into new jobs, new responsibilities and new positions.

In general, I think this attitude, on the negative side, can make you overlook some skills other people have as well as … at its worst … can put you in positions in which you will fail in a spectacular fashion.

I imagine as someone gets promoted, as I did, every step up showed me that there was a shitload I didn’t know overall, as well as about the responsibilities of a specific job, but at the same time it also continuously reinforced that I could … well … “do that job.”

Success in business is a double edged sword.

Conversely.

………. what you know versus what you do not know ………

As someone gets promoted they also can see that some people got their jobs not because they necessarily had the experience or skills for the job but simply because they had the appearance they could do the job.

You watched as these people invested gobs of energy trying to “fake it until they actually make it” or, worse, they realized they were in over their heads and invested even more energy simply maintaining a facade of bullshit to hide their hollowness.

I would also note that given your experience on the last thing I just shared that also encourages someone to believe they could … well … “do that job.”

The higher I got and the broader my experiences, my sense of “I cannot really do that job” increased with regard toward … well … the jobs I really shouldn’t do. It didn’t diminish my sense of ability to handle increased responsibility it simply made me more reflective of other skill sets and the reality of certain jobs.

To be clear.

There is a certain group of people who never reach this realization … they tend to be either sociopaths or oblivious narcissists … but they do exist.

Anyway.

My real realization on this topic came when I reached a general management position <and did some consulting>.

It was there that I recognized jobs are like icebergs.

90% of a job you never see until you actually do the job. And to successfully do the part you don’t see needs a couple of things … beyond the obvious ‘I need to be competent with regard to the specific skill itself’ aspect:

Attitude alignment

This attitude goes way beyond the simplistic “I can do the job.”

This attitude is more with regard to what you are actually good at.

As I have stated before I am more a renovator than a builder. That is a mindset. My attitude is just put me in a room with all the puzzle pieces and I can rearrange them, maybe polish off a couple, maybe smooth out some edges that no longer fit well … and put a different puzzle together that works better than the one that exists.

And then there are people who say ‘I envision a puzzle and build the pieces.”

Those are two different attitudes that, certainly, have some overlap but also, certainly, drive a different type of style and ability to succeed in one type of job versus another type of job. I believe many people are successful in their jobs, and new jobs, because they have the proper insight into themselves and position themselves well to take advantage of this insight.

I would also add that a leader who can see within a person’s ‘skill set’ to recognize this attitude will also be the type who can hire incredibly effectively.

Not all leaders and hirers can. some simply see the façade and surface abilities and believe they are easily transferable and … well … hire them believing anyone can do the job if they have that appearance of a type of surface skill set.

The less-than-obvious skill set

… example of under the radar understanding (Juran Institute) …

Each skill, each specialty, has layers to its depth & breadth. Let’s say this is the “art” of the skill <I sometimes refer to it as “the shadow of your skill”>.

When you are a junior person you are demanded day in and day out to craft your pragmatic ‘non-artistic’ skills. You learn how to screw screws into holes efficiently and hammer nails into their proper places effectively.

As you gain seniority you are demanded to start incorporating the art aspects of your craft. I like to explain this as you have to learn to be more of an architect of your department, skill and specialty. By the way … not everyone can do his and not every department head is good at this and it tends to start filtering out those who move on to the next level … general management.

And if you move up even more into general management you are demanded to gain some skills in the “art” of combining all the skills into the overall progress of a company beyond the simplistic “are each department doing their fucking job.”

In general the biggest difference between thinking you can do a job and actually being able to do the job is your less than obvious skill set. For example … I cannot tell you how many times I have sat in a conference room with a CFO who has displayed a skill set that … well … made me think “shit, this company is lucky to have them” not because they knew all the accounting mumbo jumbo but because they knew how to wield account skills in ways that the company benefited beyond accounting.

Pick your C-level title and I would say the same thing.

At the corner of the bar you have no clue whether you have this less than obvious skill set and if you actually have the experience you may only have a sense of whether this skill set exists. This is an intangible, however, 90% of the time this intangible arises from some relevant experience <maybe not within that specific discipline but a discipline nonetheless> … so your experience does matter.

So.

I decided to write about this today because, frankly, we have a president who believes anyone can do any job and keeps hiring people who may be smart <and may not be … because I, frankly, question whether the President is smart> for positions they have no or little qualifications for that position.

I decided to write about this today because, frankly, as a business guy I know you cannot do a job simply because you say “I can do that job” and that experience really does matter and that simply because you believe something … <sigh> … does not make it so.

I will say that I have learned this lesson the hard way and it permits me to be able to call a bullshitter a bullshitter and to be able to point out that some roles & responsibilities dictate at least some relevant experience in order to be effective & efficient.

Just because you think you can “do that job” does not mean you can actually “do that job.” It takes some self-awareness to know that.

The lack of self-awareness has a ripple effect.

In a bar your lack of self-awareness can create a range of responses – some chuckles, out right laughter of disbelief and maybe even some aggravation if it inches into what some of the people actually do sitting at the table.

In a business your lack of self-awareness can create … well … some real business repercussions. Not only may you be out of your depth but you may actually start making some poor hires who are also out of their depth and … well … that kind of shit gathers negative momentum <down the slippery slope of less-than-competent results>.

In business you get fired for that shit.

In a presidency your lack of self-awareness can create some real country repercussions – and we are seeing some of that lack of effectiveness now.

I am
a series of
small victories
and large defeats
and I am as
amazed
as any other
that
I have gotten
from there to
here

—

Charles Bukowski

==============

Ok.

I recently wrote about how we are increasingly being encouraged to think this is a zero sum world.

An us versus them, win or be a loser, “if you aren’t getting something it is because someone else <most likely less deserving> is getting it” type world.

This is a dangerous slippery slope way of approaching Life.

Personally, I balk at viewing Life, the world, and pretty much anything we do in Life as a zero sum game.

It just seems so “I” when we should at least acknowledge it is a “we” world, society & culture.

It just seems so empty of anything but ‘the win’.

Look.

I am not opposed to putting an emphasis on the fact winning is good and that winning is a viable objective <which takes some determination, persistence and focus to achieve>. In fact … I fully endorse this type of thinking.

And I certainly understand the whole “if you are not committed to winning that means you are already accepting a loss.”

But I have a little secret for everyone that kind of throws a wrench into the whole zero sum world thought — not every day has to ‘count.’

The truth is that some days your sole purpose is to make it to the next day.

I could even argue that actually counts. I could even argue that it is a victory <small, medium or large>.

What do I mean?

Everyday there are people who go into work, hunker down and not only understand how to translate ideas into action but actually figure out a way to make it happen.

=================

Progress.

Just make progress.

It’s OK to have setbacks … It’s OK to draw a line in the sand and start over again – and again. Just make sure you’re moving the line forward … Take baby steps, but at least take steps that stop you from being stuck. Then change will come. And it will be good.

—

Lysa TerKeurst

==================

Some would call that “progress” and not “victories.” Which means people who believe in a zero sum world view those people as “on the loser slippery slope.”

It does drive me a little nuts that we want to always rush to label something a victory or a defeat or a winner or a loser … and, I would point out, all a zero sum Life view does is exacerbate that discussion.

To be clear … while you will find gobs of well written articles online stating that Life, and business, is not a zero sum game … you will find several “supposed harsh truth tellers” who will tell you otherwise:

—-

Angel investor Jason Calacanis—a Silicon Valley veteran who has invested in more than 60 startups—has some pointed advice for young people who are just starting their careers: Success is a zero-sum game. He writes in a blog post:

——–

“Many folks will tell you that the world is not a zero sum game, with one person not having to lose at the expense of another winning. This is simply not true, as in most startups there is a very limited number of seats and they go to the people who work the hardest and who have the most skill. In your career you will find that life is a zero sum game: the winners get the prime positions and the person who comes in second place for that position is the first loser—not the second winner.”

———————

I can’t argue with some of the thoughts good ole Jason has to offer … but I don’t have to like it. And I don’t agree that Life, or a business, offers you a limited amount of seats. That is where , to me, the zero sum Life all falls apart.

That’s beauty of America at least <in many other countries also> is that if I am somewhere with a limited number of seats and I am willing to work hard, play fair and constantly improve my skills … well … there are seats elsewhere.

I could argue that there are more than enough seats for hard workers, play fairers and skilled workers in the business world.

Which makes me think I need to remind everyone … a zero sum game is a game in which when one person gains, you lose, and when another person loses, you gain.

That may be so … but if it is … it is more like the ‘butterfly affect’ than it is direct cause-affect within your finite environment.

I will say it again <and will do so until the end of time> that I just do not believe that most of life is a zero sum game and that measuring your Life by victories and defeats is a fool’s errand.

It is too easy to say “if this, then this” or that there is a finite amount of opportunities which we wrestle over.

I am not suggesting working hard doesn’t matter <because it does … you need to work fucking hard and long hours to move up a ladder if that is what you want to do>.

I am not suggesting honing skills and learning new skills doesn’t matter <because it does … you need to learn more … constantly … and get better … all the time>.

It really does seem like we make all of this hard on ourselves. Far too often we compare our situation with the situation of someone else and, using some pretzel logic, we can view them from afar and think that because something good happened to someone else that it is either no longer available to us, taken from us or … if viewed positively … has delayed what will be due us.

That is really nuts-type thinking. Crazy thinking.

Good things can happen to us … and others … at exactly the same time.

I imagine we get caught in our pretzel logic because when we see someone else succeed it is kind of a gut-punch reminder that we have not yet succeeded. That’s nuts. Comparing the success <however you define it> of another person to your own is silly and, frankly, a losing gambit.

But here is the thing when someone tries to convince you that Life is a zero sum game.

This belief that we are all competing with each other for scarce resources completely ignores the fact that … well … we are humans. We like being with other people, we like coexisting and … yikes … we like having friends and having social spheres to enjoy Life.

So even though competition and scarcity exist and, sure, we would much prefer victories over defeats … we have an inherent human need, and desire, to exist in a social support system in which we share some mutual respect <of which is not earned by ‘winning’ but more by ‘how you play the game’>.

I imagine the point on this is ‘zero sum’ suggests a very one dimensional view of victory & defeat when the reality is a little more complex and multi-dimensional <sort of like ‘victory in defeat’ as a concept>.

In other words … I can be part of a team … we train hard, compete hard and work seamlessly together … and lose the race/game … and, yet, we have improved … learned that ‘defeat’, while still a defeat, has been ‘halved’ in sharing with others … and we learn victory is partially progress & moving on to the next competition.

But let me end on competition & ‘the game.’

While we pound away on competition between businesses, competition for career promotions, competition for bonuses … and they are all real … life itself is less a competition or a race but rather a journey.

Well.

If you look at it that way … well … my victory may look nothing like your victory because I am on a different fucking journey.

The same with defeats. My big defeat may look incredibly small to you.

You may view me as lost and I may smile and say “I am exploring.” So instead of viewing everything as having some starting gate and a specific track & lane Life starts looking like one big fucking map and instead of you being a sprinter <or hurdler> you are actually more like an ‘orienteer.’ Maybe we should have degrees and classes in orienteering instead of how to navigate some rat race.

If you view Life as a journey than the only ‘zero sum’ part of it is either simple survival or reaching some destination or destinations <and not any specific way to get there>.

Look.

I will not argue with anyone who wants to suggest business & career is more like a race because, yeah, that part of our Life can take on many characteristics of a race <depending on your vocation>.

But almost everything else in our life is less a race and more a journey.

We choose where we start, where we go, what we do and where we think a good destination would be.

We choose when and where we stop and say “I am home.”

Sigh.

In the end.

And, of course, if you want to know why an obsession with winning can steer you off course I will always remind everyone of winning & Charlie Sheen.

“I supposed she was exhibiting what people nowadays refer to, with crushing disapproval, as denial.

It’s always been hard for me to tell the difference between denial and what used to be known as hope.”

—

Michael Chabon

==============

“She would consider each day a miracle – which indeed it is, when you consider the number of unexpected things that could happen in each second of our fragile existences.”

—-

Paulo Coelho

====================

Well.

As noted far too many times on Enlightened Conflict I am an unequivocal Hope guy.

Now.

That said.

Until I saw the opening quote I am not sure I have ever equated denial and hope in any form or fashion … let alone even thought there was a relationship between denial and hope.

But ever since I saved this quote <over a year ago> I have come back to it again and again thinking about whether we do actually navigate some line between hope and denial.

It also made me think about what Hope and Denial really is.

Hope is big.

And often it is so big we forget some of its dynamics. Hope, while encompassing a view with an eye toward some positive or favorable outcome, spans from something well founded in probability to something completely beyond the pale of possibility.

On one end is dream, with wish settled in beside it on some cloud, and on the other end is expect, with anticipate snuggled up beside it on a different cloud.

I imagine this is why we tend to immediately label someone’s hope as either false hope or realistic hope <when we actually mean one of the dynamics I just outlined>.

And what exactly is denial?

Denial is a little less complex <although it does have degrees> in that, at its core, it is the refusal to accept a past or present reality … a truth.

Simplistically, you refuse to see some harsh truths in reality. I could argue the two ends of the denial spectrum are simply “total” and “less-conviction” but instead I would just say that denial is like a border wall in which some places it is a little less thick than in others.

But denial has a nefarious side to it with regard to hope. Just ponder this for a minute or two … denial is pretending to have Hope, while you’re actually feeling there is no Hope.

If that is true, than denial’s relationship with Hope is more along the lines as a door between your reality and true Hope.

And maybe it is Denial’s responsibility to insure Hope is difficult enough to get to that we don’t more easily slide into the wishful thinking side of the spectrum rather than the anticipation or expectation side of the spectrum.

=========

“Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.”

—

The Architect from The Matrix, Reloaded

==============

Somewhere between hope and denial is where we usually seem to find the realism we need to shift Hope from false hope to real hope.

Well.

At least that’s what I think.

I had some help in this thinking. I grabbed one of my most used books on my bookshelf … The Essays of Montaigne … for a little guidance. I found it in an odd spot. In one of Montaigne’s 107 exploratory essays in one titled “That to Study Philosophy is to Learn to Die” <which I believe is actually a Cicero thought> Montaigne discusses Death & mortality … and points to the understanding of death as a prerequisite for the understanding of life, for the very art of living.

I read the essay and then went back and replaced Death with Denial.

Rather than indulging the fear of death <Denial>, Montaigne calls for dissipating it by facing it head-on, with awareness and attention:

=====

[L]et us learn bravely to stand our ground, and fight him. And to begin to deprive him of the greatest advantage he has over us, let us take a way quite contrary to the common course. Let us disarm him of his novelty and strangeness, let us converse and be familiar with him, and have nothing so frequent in our thoughts as Denial<sic>. Upon all occasions represent him to our imagination in his every shape; at the stumbling of a horse, at the falling of a tile, at the least prick with a pin, let us presently consider, and say to ourselves, ‘Well, and what if it had been Denial itself?’ and, thereupon, let us encourage and fortify ourselves.

Let us evermore, amidst our jollity and feasting, set the remembrance of our frail condition before our eyes, never suffering ourselves to be so far transported with our delights, but that we have some intervals of reflecting upon, and considering how many several ways this jollity of ours tends to Denial, and with how many dangers it threatens it.

The Egyptians were wont to do after this manner, who in the height of their feasting and mirth, caused a dried skeleton of a man to be brought into the room to serve for a memento to their guests.

=======

Well.

There is a thought, huh?

You have to face Denial and have some intervals of reflecting upon, and considering how many several ways this jollity of ours tends to Denial, and with how many dangers it threatens it.

Maybe this all suggests you have to actually find something about Hope to appreciate. It could be anything, even something tiny. And maybe that is where Denial serves its role … as Montaigne discussed Death maybe it is within our conflict with Denial in which we find that “something” that is meaningful and not simply some nebulous wishful thinking.

Look.

I balk at a coexisting relationship between Hope & Denial mostly because I struggle to believe you can effectively focus on the positive and the negative at the same time.

I balk at a coexisting relationship between Hope & Denial because hope, to me, is not simply the denial of reality.

I balk at a coexisting relationship between Hope & Denial because I believe Denial, when it occurs properly, may actually help someone navigate life to more, and better, Hope.

All that said.

I am not sure everyone walks paths of Life with signposts guiding them toward Denial on the way to some place called Hope but the ones who do recognize the signposts … I think that there isn’t really a line between denial and hope … I think that denial demands you run through it to get to Hope.

Okay.

Maybe it would be better to say that you have to push your way through denial to get to good clean hope.

But that is me … that is the relationship to me.

I have never really gotten a grip on whether I think Hope is fragile or the strongest thing in the world. I think Hope can easily be killed and, yet, it can offer a light in the darkest of dark.

And maybe that is where Denial comes into play.

In an unexpected way maybe when you consider the number of unexpected things that could happen in each second of our fragile existences denial forges the strongest of our hopes so that they can withstand the darkest of dark and the grind of normality.

The older you get, the more happiness becomes a conscious decision you have to make every day.

You can’t expect to automatically feel good when you wake up.

It’s something you have to work toward.”

–

Ryan O’Connell

=============

The human body is 70% water so we’re basically cucumbers with anxiety.

–

Justshowerthoughts

=============

“The truth is, I pretend to be a cynic, but I am really a dreamer who is terrified of wanting something she may never get.”

—

Joanna Hoffman

=======================

So.

When we get up in the morning it is a decision … it is a decision to not stay down.

In fact.

Every day you decide to get up you have either consciously, or subconsciously, decided that Life was not going to keep you down.

In the grander scheme of things that sure seems like a pretty important decision.

And, yet, we don’t invest a shitload of energy thinking about it.

Most of us think of facing each day as a responsibility.

Kind of a basic survival duty.

I imagine we do so mostly as a sanity tactic.

For if you stay down … don’t get up … you are inevitably faced with the decisions you have made up to that point <as well as the fact you will not be able to pay the bills>. And, to refer to my first quote, this means as you get older you have more and more decisions you will have to face.

Time is rarely your friend with regard to contemplating your decisions.

I say that because … well … because here is what almost 99% of us do on a daily basis … we decide what we will cede in terms of what we know, or believe, is the right thing to do.

Yeah.

We compromise a little on ‘principles.’ Well. At least our principles.

Sure.

Most of the time it is okay because the organizational, the business, principles give us some slightly to more expansive boundaries from which we can assess what we should do or not do.

But even within that “okay” we are far too often trapped in the wretched hollow space of a decision of ‘what will you surrender today for the hope of the win tomorrow’ <and the tomorrow may just be something somewhere beyond the horizon>.

Some may call this ‘moral relativism.’ They would most likely be the intellectuals, philosophers and people who don’t really do shit for work in their Life.

For most of us every day schmucks it is a combination of survival “if I don’t do this I will not get that” and dreamer “I will go ahead and do this because someday………….<fill in bank> “

As we face each day we realize that we are facing more than that day.We realize our actions can suppress our ultimate dreams or they can empower a dream to come to Life … some day in the future.

Now.

None of us really know our future and what it holds so the decision today takes on some sense of urgency of ‘well, this MAY be really fucking important with regard to my survival/dream so I gotta do what I gotta do.’

Whew.

Today can look really huge with regard to tomorrow.

I chuckled <a little painfully> as I typed that lst sentence.

I am reminded of what President Bush said in 2008 … “abandoned free market principles to save the free market.”

On a daily basis we are faced with questions of “what we will abandon to save our future & our dreams.”

And we do what we feel like we have to do using principles mostly not as a “stop or go” sign but rather as some slightly nebulous guardrails we can maneuver around within.

And then we leave to face another day.

When taken on a daily basis … it is relatively easy to face the day.

When viewed over a longer term … it can become relatively difficult to face the next day. Maybe that is why most of us get up and face the day each & ever day – the alternative doesn’t seem so appealing. Maybe that is the ‘dark place’ that we know is there and avoid it the best that we can.

Here is what I know for sure.

Every day you face you have one authority … the authority over your actions and attitudes and behaviors.

You have the authority over what you will do … and will not do.

You have the authority over your principles and morals … and whether you will abandon them or not.

Uhm.

You should note one key thing on the whole abandoning thing.

Once abandoned is always abandoned.

There is no true ‘just this once’ abandoning of principles. Once crumpled principles are forever wrinkled.

And, yet, it seems like each day we are faced with some choice to surrender our moral authority and cede the principled battlefield under the belief that by doing so “the day will be saved.”

How wrong that thought is. For in surrendering that day we will have already been lost.

Anyway.

Maybe getting up every day has nothing to do with moral relativism and more about just doing the shit you need to do.

Maybe we really are just cucumbers with anxiety.

But.

Maybe it is a little something more we should think about on occasion. Because maybe we are really a dreamer who is terrified of wanting something she may never get … and in our terror as we face each day we lose the one thing which makes our dreams look small – our moral authority & principles.

“I am confident that, in the end, common sense and justice will prevail.

I’m an optimist, brought up on the belief that if you wait to the end of the story, you get to see the good people live happily ever after. “

—

Cat Stevens/Yusuf Islam

====================

Well.

businessman with umbrella and rain

I, frankly, cannot see how anyone could go through life without any optimism. I don’t see how anyone could live anything other than a fairly dismal life if all you did was embrace cynicism & skepticism.

Fortunately I do not believe many people are that completely dismal. I tend to believe most people believe common sense and justice may not always prevail … but certainly ha better than even odds of prevailing in Life.

I actually think the bigger issue is that we sometimes feel suffocated by negativity and perceived ‘badness’ all around us.

It can seem crushing on occasion.

So crushing that it sometimes seems like it is more powerful than justice … and certainly more powerful than common sense.

Certainly … hope requires thinking. But thinking far too often remains just that … thinking … and no doing.

Lunch bucket hope is about putting in the work.

Lunch bucket hope is about full dreaming and not hollow promises.

Lunch bucket hope is about the harsh truths and not ignoring truths.

Lunch bucket hope is about recognizing ‘what is’ can change but ‘what will be’ will not happen magically.

This lunch bucket attitude combined with optimism, at its core, brings a belief that nothing may work … but that everything might work.

It is about understanding that there is no one silver bullet to solve something or to dramatically turn things around … but understanding that if you try 100 different things and each one makes even a little impact that there will be progress <and you get just a bit closer to what you hope>.

It is about recognizing that Life is rarely simple cause and effect and more likely a series of complex intertwined events <not chaos>.

It is about seeing that Life is always a work in progress where many times progress is difficult to distinguish from stagnancy.

It is about seeing that change, more often than not, is neither spectacular nor disruptive but rather subtle nudges easily overlooked.

And … it is about only being confident that common sense and justice will prevail if you bring a lunch bucet attitude along with your optimism & hope.

This permits my kind of optimism to not be some kind-hearted pushover but rather one capable of yelling, sharing hard feedback and resilient to a world which, very often, brings an even harsher cynicism.

My type of optimism defends the arc of history which embraces good against the attacks of bad … which relentlessly seek to slow the natural arc of progress.

And, yet, as I defend what I view a the good arc of history I bring a legitimate care for the world at large along with, what could be viewed as cold & harsh, a view in which I may simply see people as the actors on the stage of this greater world.

It demands that you have to do hard things and sometimes be hard in how you deal with Life … all the while keeping kindness in your heart.

I once wrote that I am a professional aspirationalist. <That’s not a word, but I’ve made it into one, since there was nothing that could quite describe me because I didn’t want to say I’m a “professional dreamer” because that sounds like some hippie shit. I have aspirations, like, lots of them.—Jamie Varon>

===================

“I am not afraid of my truth anymore and I will not omit pieces of me to make you comfortable.”

—

Alex Elle

=====

I believe being a professional aspirationalist helps me to be a little more confident that common sense & justice & ‘good’ will prevail in today’s world.

I believe this because professional aspirationalist is a compass and not a destination.

It is a direction.

Aspirationalist is a moving target.

Being an aspirationalist means not only having dreams … but dreaming … and, yet, I remain a pragmatic optimist.

It means I am restlessly pursing what is good and better … relentlessly seeking, traveling, doing, thinking … professionally constantly in motion <mentally or physically>.

To be clear.

All of this is not for the faint of heart.

All of this is not easy.

All of this is often an eternal struggle against a shitload of negative forces in the world.

But.

Isn’t all of that truly what being yourself is all about?

Isn’t Life, and living it, sort of about having some courage to suggest ‘I will not omit things just to make you comfortable’ and finding your own version of bravery?

======

“I am a world that cannot be explored in one day.

I am not a place for cowards.”

—

Caitlyn Siehl

======

I imagine my point is that today’s world, in general, is not a place and time for cowards.

In addition, being a pragmatic optimist means you are not a place for cowards.

I say that because pragmatic optimism, professional aspirationalist, all these types of thoughts are not simply about being a dreamer … it has rich & royal hues of reality threading its way through its fabric.

And you are forced to not be a coward because this pragmatic optimism demands people to think about dreaming … but also demands doing.

Pragmatically … we aspirationalists do seek approval and acceptance and we do seek to actually do shit … albeit ‘good shit.’

Now … I could argue … whether you like it or not … whether you think it is right or wrong … in some form or fashion … we all care.

We all care <not just aspirationalists> about all of this shit <and shit in general>.

We all care what the people around us think about us. And by people I mean everyone from those closest to you <who would most likely accept you in any shape and form you ended up in> to society overall.

And we all care about good shit happening rather than bad shit.

And we all care about providing some value to the world.

Uhm.

But maybe that is where being a cynical optimist, a practical dream, a professional aspirationalist has an edge in today’s world.

We do not seek solely finding value from proving ourselves to others.

We don’t accept solely finding value in and of ourselves.

We seek finding value in uncovering pragmatic ways that our optimism can come to Life.

The value resides in the fact that the proof exists in our optimism being vindicated.

In the end.

It may very well be my time … and the time for people who think as I do.

We cynical optimists.

================

“It may well be that we will have to repent in this generation. Not merely for the vitriolic words and the violent actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence and indifference of the good people who sit around and say, “Wait on time.”

“This good country, but sometimes, good people in good country have to fight.”

―

Dan Groat

===============

“In this very real world, good doesn’t drive out evil. Evil doesn’t drive out good.

But the energetic displaces the passive.”

—–

Bill Bernbach

=====================

So.

If you google “where good resides in the hearts of people”, surprisingly, you will not get shit for results.

Sure.

You may get some results on ‘behaviors of good people’ or some shit like that … but you will not get anything about what good people think or what goodness in people and how it comes out in doing things or eve anything about how we need good people to step up an do good things <or even the repercussions that may occur if they do not>.

Regardless.

I was surprised.

I was surprised because the implication is that good just happens and that good people may not be that special nor does good have to actively fight for its place in Life and society.

And while I sometimes get criticized for believing too much in the good in people <and possibly not recognizing that people do a lot of bad shit> … I do believe good needs to fight to get its fair place in the world.

And that it needs to fight to be heard.

And that it needs to fight to be sure that good is clearly discerned from bad.

That may sound … well … sad. But it shouldn’t … ‘bad’ can come in a variety of shades and can sometimes even comes in a variety of colorful likeable hues and, like it or not, ‘bad’ can appear quite likeable.

Now.

Unfortunately for everyone … good, in and of itself, left to its own devices … likes to just happen. Good doesn’t really like to have to defend itself nor does it like to stand at some podium and point out …well … how ‘good’ good really is.

Well.

The risk in that is a relentless chain of lie after lie after lie … a relentless drizzle of bad … will eventually drown out good and will undermine even the most effective foundations, institutions and systems which were built to enable good.

So.

What do good people do.

They halt the lies.

They halt the doubt.

They say ‘no more.’

They say ‘no more people die or get hurt when we know how to stop it.’

Good people realize that “an important idea not communicated persuasively is like having no idea at all.”

Good people realize that “an idea doesn’t have to be big … it just has to change the world.”

Oh shit.

Yeah.

There are some problems with this whole ‘good people’ thing.

There are the truly good people … and then there are those who play at being good <even though they may be doing so with good intentions>.

To be clear.

All people are born good <science & studies have shown this> in addition, given Life challenges, you can be even be reshaped over time … and still remain good at heart.

And, yeah, sure … you can learn good even if you have been mangled by Life.

But then there are the people ‘trying to be good.’ It isn’t something that comes naturally and, yet, looking around y start thinking “gosh, I should be gooder.”

Well. That can be a problem.

If you do not understand what is really good and you just start copying good behaviors this is almost like learning by rote in school … you don’t really comprehend you just do it because you have been told it is the right answer.

And this is where altruism takes a hit.

A huge hit.

Some people decide that being altruistic is a virtue … so they go out and attempt to be altruistic.

Yikes.

============

“So from then on, he looked at all his choices and said, What would a good person do, and then did it.

But he has now learned something very important about human nature. If you spend your whole life pretending to be good, then you are indistinguishable from a good person.

Relentless hypocrisy eventually becomes the truth.”

―

Orson Scott Card

============

Those people, who o it well, become indistinguishable from the truly good person.

What that means is sometime important decisions and important crossroads are managed by people pretending to be good and not really someone good.

Suffice it to say … this is a perilous situation for someone depending upon this time & place.

Unfortunately … this happens.

It happens because good people are actually a small group of influencers, most often everyday people not some spectacularly articulate and ‘leader-like’ people, who have found a special niche in which they actually contribute at a high level in some very influential ways … just by doing it the right way with good intentions.

Good people are a special group of people.

More often than not while the rest of us were planning for ‘someday’ they got their shit together and did it today.

More often than not while we look around and see that ‘this is your life’ they were living Life so that they could never really define what ‘this’ is … other than good.

More often than not while the rest of us were seeking some version of perfection they decided their imperfection permitted them to perfectly impact he world for good.

Anyway.

Regardless of what kind of person who is embracing “good”, what I am describing is a decision to actually fight for good. I am describing a conscious decision in which you have decided good needs to be defended and hat it is not simply a natural arc of history inevitable in its outcome. What I am describing is a decision to never, ever, let the spirit of good & liberty & what is right die.

==================

“Liberty lies in the hearts of men and women; when it dies there, no constitution, no law, no court can save it; no constitution, no law, no court can even do much to help it.

The spirit of liberty is the spirit which is not too sure that it is right; the spirit of liberty is the spirit which seeks to understand the minds of other men and women; the spirit of liberty is the spirit which weighs their interests alongside its own without bias.”

―

Judge Learned Hand

<from a speech delivered on I Am an American Day in May, 1944 I believe>

=========

In other words … these are people who elect to fight against the damaging and destructive, ‘bad’ … not only trying to positively shape the world, but also fend off the forays of forces of evil.

This is more difficult than you may think.

Bad is clever.

Bad is attractive by nature.

Bad is often the easier path <for all of us> and has its own gravity pull.

Good people refuse to conform and they fight the gravity.

What I mean by that is they have a strong compass with which they us to guide themselves through thick & thin, good & bad and doubt & criticism and the inevitable enticing pull of what is not good.

When they see a disturbance within what is right & good they strive to gain understanding and resolve it with solutions not just words.

They seek to affect the kind of change that counters the natural arc of what is good … not because they think they are good … but rather because they think it will insure a better world.

I believe good people who understand that good takes work with a good dose of pragmatism are underrated.

============

“This is precisely the time when artists go to work.

There is no time for despair, no place for self-pity, no need for silence, no room for fear. We speak, we write, we do language. That is how civilizations heal.”

—

Toni Morrison

=============

I believe they are underrated because … well … they fight day in and day out … often quite thanklessly … for good.

Their triumphs are rarely celebrated mostly because they defend the natural arc of what 99% of us almost take for granted — that good inevitably betas bad.

These people are underrate because they do not take that for granted, they do not believe is t is inevitable and they do not rest against the relentless chains of lies, doubts and despair that bad wields as weapons.

Good resides in all of us but some of us uses that good to fight for … well … what is good.

Everyone who has survived some failure or mistake comes out of that experience damaged in some way.

Most times that ‘damage’ is found in expectations or, maybe better said, plans or how I envisioned it to go.

While it has been a long time for me I vaguely remember when I first jumped off the cliff professionally. I vaguely remember doing so with a plan and a planned path in mind.

Some people would call that “rationale for taking a professional action.”

Well.

The plan and path went to shit fast.

But I adapted and got to where I wanted to go. I survived. But I survived with damage.

The first is related to ‘the rationale.’

You start questioning how smart you are or how insightful you may be with regard to business organizations and what matters. I mean … what the hell … you thought it out, weighed the options and chose a course. Only to end up face first in some mud puddle that was never in your rationale.

Your ‘rationale thinking’ gets nicked up a bit.

The second is … well … related to a harsh understanding, and semi-surprising revelation, that business mirrors Life.

You tend to believe business is more orderly and less chaotic than Life in general. Business offers a solid construct and when viewing the organizational chart you can easily envision paths and plans and people. You quickly learn that organizational charts are the biggest lies in business. They look static, they look flat and they look solidly structured,. The truth is that they are constantly shifting, they are multi-dimensional and ‘structure’ actually means ‘power’ can reside not in the box towards the top but rather in some inane responsibility in some department you never even paid attention to.

But.

The damage offers some benefits.

The scars actually strengthen an aspect of who and what you are.

The biggest benefit is that your “I will survive” mentality shifts from a belief & hope to proven truth.

Yeah.

That experience matters.

Once you know you can survive Life becomes different … particularly in the business world. When you first step into professional life most of us step carefully. We watch each step and recognize, more often than not, survival and success is more about a battle of attrition than it is actually doing something superior.

And, yet, the longer we stay in that mode of behavior the more likely doing something, anything, starts taking on a larger & larger looming presence “doing that could ‘kill you.’

And maybe that is why I love damaged people.

They respect the danger but do not fear the danger.

They have met danger, been damaged, and understand that being damaged is not the same as being killed.

Damaged simply means “I have survived with some scars to show for it.”

Just as I would prefer picking up a sword which has some nicks rather than a new shiny unused one as I went into battle I prefer the nicked & used people to be on my teams as I g into the business battle.

And maybe the real reason is a little more philosophical <with a little humor attached>

In business, once damaged, you have a little more sense that it is not only a miracle you survived but that it is a miracle anything good actually happens in an organization of any size.

That may sound slightly cynical but I would suggest it is slightly pragmatic.

Success in business is almost like running through a series of double Dutch jump ropes.

A little good sense of timing, a little miracle or two, a little smart instinctual actions and smart experience driven maneuvering. And absolutely some damage.

I like my people a little damaged. They not only know how to survive but know they can, and will, survive moving forward and taking steps.

I like my people damaged. They tend to not mind … well … getting damaged and are willing to do some spectacular things along the way.

I just realized I’ve survived everything I’ve ever encountered in life.

I have a 100% survival rate.

I’m fucking nailing it.

—-

(via recoveryisbeautiful)

==========

I came across this quote somewhere on tumblr.

Survival is underrated.

Mostly, I assume, because we assess success on some achievement other than survival. As if survival is expected therefore judgement resides on the ‘something more than survival.’

I guess that is fair.

But … what if we did look at 100% survival as fucking nailing it.

We survived the ‘less-than-well-thought-out-email’ after staring at your keyboard and hearing the echoes of “why did you type that … what a jerk … it’s now over … the universe is crumbling to pieces … this is the end of my world as I know it.”

We survived the ‘less-than-well-thought-out-comment’ you made in the break room while your boss was getting something out of the frig where three hours later you are still sitting in your office saying “why did I say that” <in your head> and all the while your brain is flicking the lights on and off screaming ‘you are going to hell !!! … you are going to hell !!

Shit like that happens all the time. It is the evil little shit that seems to play some nefarious role in our everyday Life.

Yet.

We survive these evil deeds, which we all seem to inevitably do, day after day.

We survive these evil deeds, which usually are done by our alter ego who we wish would go away, day after day.

The truth?

Our minds are the worst villains in our Life stories.

Think about it.

The most memorable villains in literature are most typically the ones that commit some small, personal, targeted act of evil aggression.

The ones that just sit around ‘being evil’ are a dime a dozen.

Our personal villain seems to be like that asshole who just started last week and always seems like they have something to prove. They have an evil drive to destroy something around them so that they can prove themselves.

And while we like to think the world is full of sneaky villains out to destroy us and destroy our dreams … most of everyone out there is simply doing their best … for themselves. Not with any real intent to harm you in particular but rather indifferent to your success & health versus their own success & health.

That means we really have to survive … well … the villain in our own head.

Uhm.

That means if you are sane, kind of have your shit together most of the time, not particularly self-destructive and, on occasion, think you are the bomb diggidy <or redonkulus> … you have a 100% survival rate.

100% of the time you have survived the most evil villain in your story – your mind.

“Anyway, I wanted to end this on a hopeful, positive note, but, seeing as how my sense of hope and positivity is still shrouded in a thick layer of feeling like hope and positivity are bullshit.

I’ll just say this: Nobody can guarantee that it’s going to be okay, but — and I don’t know if this will be comforting to anyone else — the possibility exists that there’s a piece of corn on a floor somewhere that will make you just as confused about why you are laughing as you have ever been about why you are depressed.

And even if everything still seems like hopeless bullshit, maybe it’s just pointless bullshit or weird bullshit or possibly not even bullshit.

I don’t know.

But when you’re concerned that the miserable, boring wasteland in front of you might stretch all the way into forever, not knowing feels strangely hope-like.”

—-

Allie Brosh

==================

“Like most misery, it started with apparent happiness.”

―

Markus Zusak

======================

“But my experiences slowly flattened and blended together until it became obvious that there’s a huge difference between not giving a fuck and not being able to give a fuck.

Cognitively, you might know that different things are happening to you, but they don’t feel very different.”

Allie Brosh

==================

I do not suffer from depression. Therefore it is extremely difficult for me to put myself in the shoes of someone who does.

However.

In reading some of the words written by people about depression <like the ones above> aspects of it sounds an awful lot like people who do not suffer from depression but do suffer from a lack of enjoyment with Life in general.

Suffering from a lack of enjoyment in Life? Wow. Isn’t enjoyment as natural as breathing?

Well.

Maybe … but sometimes we forget to breathe.

Regardless.

When you stop enjoying things in Life <which, by the way, suggests you used to enjoy things or something and are now easing into some wasteland of maybe not misery but … well … nothingness>, or ‘anything’ I imagine, then you start seeking enjoyment anywhere. In fact to find some enjoyment in this wasteland we become pretty creative in some fairly absurd ways.

We sift thru the sand of the wasteland and embrace some shiny grains and try to make them bigger than they are in the attempt to suggest ‘wow … there is enjoyment.’ It is our brave attempt to breathe some Life into our enjoyment.

Unfortunately, if we viewed that little thing without those absurd rose colored glasses, it could be truly look like … well … nothing.

Now.

Lack of enjoyment in Life is nothing like lack of enjoyment in an experience.

An experience has the luxury of finiteness. The clear beginning and end permits us to assess and enjoy with some reflection.

On the other hand … Life can very easily take on the characteristics of infinite.

Life can become an endless array of to-do’s, tasks, work assignments, responsibilities and whatever else pops up in the everyday life of what happens.

This gets compounded by the additional random unforeseen stuff that inevitably gets layered on top of what you expected and planned for.

To be clear.

I am not talking about depression.

And I am not talking about something called ‘anhedonia’ which is one of the main symptoms of major depressive disorder <it is the loss of interest in previously rewarding or enjoyable activities … people suffering from clinical depression lose interest in hobbies, friends, work–even food and sex>.

I am also not talking about actual boredom or a even some sense of frustration, irritation or despair <often associated with depression> with Life.

I tend to believe I am just talking about numbness.

Or maybe it’s a version of not being able to notice the forest for the trees.

But what I do know is that you just don’t know if Life is simply an amalgamation of hopeless bullshit, maybe it’s just pointless bullshit or weird bullshit or possibly not even bullshit.

All you really know is that you aren’t really enjoying the wasteland of ongoing ‘same ole same ole.’ And it isn’t really like you have no hope that it will get better or that you have no hope at all … it just seems empty of hope at the moment and is just not a hopeful existence.

Well.

If you reread that last sentence, like I just did, it is difficult to find where enjoyment enters into that person’s life.

And, yet, we all pretty much know that happiness, and enjoyment, exists in 99% of people’s lives. My proof? As I noted earlier … even if you aren’t enjoying Life you scrounge around in some minuscule moments & experiences and raise them up high as enjoyment.

But enjoyment really shouldn’t be that hard.

Life, while hard, gives us a shitload of opportunities for enjoyment.

Unfortunately, the brain is complicated when it comes to enjoyment.

Shit.

The brain is complicated in general.

When it comes to pleasure & enjoyment the brain incorporates two paths – the nucleus accumbens <deep inside the “primitive brain”> and the prefrontal cortex <the thin outer layer of the brain behind the forehead>.

Studies suggest it is likely that nerve impulses, let’s call them the ‘feel good signals,’ travel in both directions to stimulate a sense of enjoyment, reward and motivation. Studies also show that the longer the brain sustains the signals the stronger the enjoyment.

I share that because I think some people just get so numb in their rush from one thing to the next and the grind of day to day life that they don’t even let the ‘feel good signals’ have a chance to kick in within the brain.

What a shame.

It’s a shame because this is not depression … it is simply lack of awareness and a lack of effort, with some good reasons for the ‘lack’, to see what is really going on around you and in your Life.

Enjoyment is available to everyone if you just look hard enough. It is certainly within you. Within your heart and within your brain.

You just have to be open to it as well as … open up to it.

And if you do?

Everything in the world opens up to the possibility of enjoyment.

Everything in the world is full, more full than you may think, to the possibility of enjoyment.

And the best?

It means you no longer desperately grasp needlessly for enjoyment.

I am certainly not suggesting that happiness or enjoyment is, or should be, our purpose in Life. I tend to believe the highest order of enjoyment comes when attached to a Life served usefully.