Thanks Luce. I gave myself a particular syllabic frame to hang the words along, but it was just a means to an end. I have experimented since, including some of the options you suggest. I may break the frame!

Really liked this one, mac, and the revisions. Says so much by leaving so much unsaid.

Foam and bubbles are similar. Could the title stand a nudge? Only a thought because it's fine enough as is.

Macavity wrote:revision

Her legstretches abovethe foam, slowly turningthe hot water tap with her toes.It is performance. ...I might put a comma here instead of the full stop.[A](a) ballet in mirrors, a moistadagio for solitude.She opens her book and reads.

Best

JJ

original

Her legstretches abovethe foam, slowly turningthe hot water tap off with her toes.It is performance.A ballet in mirrors, a moistsolitude.She opens her book and reads.

I love the imagery, this poem really evokes a warm sense of homely comfort to me. I remember being very young and sitting in the bathroom while my mum bathed and she would do exactly what this poem described, it always intrigued me. Your writing made me recall these memories vividly.

I cannot think of any critiques myself, but wanted to point out the personal memories you have managed to dig up with your words. Thank you.