Friday, August 3, 2007

Superficial? Moi?

Today Puck called me superficial.

He arrived in the office 40 minutes late wearing an odd hat. I just watched him sit down, baffled, and tried to work out where I'd seen his hat before. I didn't say 'Good morning' or 'Why the fuck are you 40 minutes late?', because we have an understanding that we don't acknowledge each other until a cup of tea is needed at around 11.00am. I would have to wait before enquiring about the hat because if I asked now it would be too obvious that I found the hat peculiar.

As the hour ticked on, I repeatedly glanced over at Puck and my mind began to place the hat at various scenes from my very own past. By the time all the pieces had clicked together and I'd arrived at an absolutely stunning joke for it, Puck had noticed I was staring at him in 10 minute intervals.

"What?" he asked."Nothing." I replied. I needed to wait for an opportune moment for my big reveal.

It soon came when Mohammed from IT called for Puck on my phone by mistake.

"There's a phone call for you, Puck.""Yeah, who is it?""It's 1992. It wants it's hat back.""Oh, ha. ha. ha.""Wait, there's more...""Just give me the phone, dickhead.""They're opening the National Boy Band Museum...""...just give me the fucking call...""They need your hat for The New Kids on The Block wing...""...you're so childish...""They wanna know if you have Jordan Knight's dog tags too?"

Later Puck explained the hat had "significant personal value" and that I was a shallow bitch. He added "superifical" moments after, just to reiterate his point. I asked him why he thought it was appropiate to come to work dressed as Samuel.L.Jackson on one of the hottest days of the week.

I think any of us who have worked for any length of time out there amongst the unclean have had to deal with a Puck or two. You have my sympathy, and my empathy. I am sorry to say that even when you, or Puck, move on to another job, another Puck will surface. They are like bad pennies, they just keep turning up every damn where. But have faith! One day you'll be independently wealthy (or marry well) and can either buy off the Pucks in your life or have 'em killed. ;)