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Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Loss of my friend

Right at this moment I wish I had Gordon’s or Mark’s talent for words – how do I tell you about the jumble of feelings, sadness, anger, guilt, that I am going through. Last month – just a month ago I featured Luisa on the Friday Shoot out - celebrate life today she is gone. One short month when I wasn’t looking, one month that I was doing my normal stuff: going to the gym, having parties, going to weddings, eating lunch on the veranda, walking down for a beer at DeVassa, how petty it all seems, and she is gone.

How many times in that one month did I not call, it was to late or too early, or I was tired or mad, how many times, and she is gone.

Time I spent on the internet, blogging commenting with strangers, and she was here alone. How is this possible? 3 days she spent alone here, ill and failing, how is it possible that I did not call, and she is gone.

I keep turning to tell her something, to laugh with her as I clean her home, her history …. why am I here now when she is gone? How did I miss this last month, only one month and she is gone.

21 comments:

Oh, GingerV, life, man. It does go on, while those we love struggle. Did she know you loved her? I think so. Hubby & I had a huge argument tonight, over something that is important to me, but not necessarily to him. This is a wake up call for me. Go easy on yourself, send her love, and sweet wishes.

I am so sorry, GingerV. I just went back and re-read the tribute to Luisa that you wrote last month. Seeing that, I can't imagine that she did not know how much you loved her. We can't be everywhere at once. I suspect that Luisa would want you stop feeling guilty, and instead remember and treasure the love you shared. You were a good friend.

she would not, I suspect, want you to be so hard on yourself. Life goes on, we go on. We are supposed to. She went on for as long she could and now she is gone. Celebrate her with your living - I think she would want that. Regrets...ah, they are not worth it. Find peace.

You are so right, we must make sure we look in on those that even give a small meaning to our life, because suddenly the will be gone one day...your words are poetry with out any help from the others...I could feel that you miss her through your worlds...

Ginger, do not ever look back again with any guilt. You are the type of friend that every person desires to have. If everyone had a friend like you it would be a much, much greater world. I am sustained in the belief that this mortal life is but a moment compared to the eternal joy we feel in the presence of God. Your friend knows what a great friend you are. She continues to feel your love.My prayers are with you and Luisa's family that you all may cope with her passing. I'm sure her prayers are with you, also.

Ginger I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. My heart goes out to you and her family. I can tell you miss her through your words and that will always be, but please try not to feel guilty. You will always have a special place in your heart for her and her with you!

I, too, have been in your situation. It is so sad and we feel so bad. But the people who have passed on know that we loved them, and will always love them. She is probably looking down at you now and smiling. And I know she would never want you to feel bad. So smile, girl.

GingerVI am so sorry to hear of the loss of such a dear person to you and the world as a whole. It is because of you that Luisa will not be forgotten, you have given her a never ending life of your memories here on your blog.

Isn't wonderful to think of all the time you spent with Luisa helping her celebrate life? Then, to feature her on your blog only a month ago..... such close friends you were! The happy times you shared together, that is what Luisa wanted you to remember about her. Not the last month, when she was letting go. It's never too late to say goodbye, Ginger. Love and Prayers.xoxox

Ginger, I am sorry i missed this post.Grief is so much harder to bear when you carry regret and recrimination. Luisa would not hold it agaainst you, I am sure.She is in a place, where she knows what your heart is thinking..and she knows you loved her LOTS!I have noticed over the years, that loved ones often slip away while we are not looking. Death is an intensely private journey, and it is not your fault. Love and hugs to you.xx♥

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Welcome to Flowers and More

2013 - I am now back in the USA and living in Houston, Texas. You can't read the early post without realizing that I was in Brasil for Camillo. I will miss Camillo as my friend, travel companion and guide. As I change 'Flowers' will also be evolving, adapting to my new old life. I will try to guide its changes but it will be an adventure for both you and me as what all this change will means.

History:

2007-2012, Although I live in Brasil, Camillo and I have traveled in North America, South America and Europe extensively. I always take copious photos. I love flowers and gardens, and beautiful spaces. I want to share with you life in Brasil and share my photos. I hope you enjoy them and send me comments about your experiences.

About Me

"Tiny Steps" is my second blog. Its purpose is not yet clear, but lurking in the back of my mind is the possibility that it will give voice to the many changes in me personally and to my life as I adjust from life as an expat in Brasil to a widow, a late in life single. Also lurking is the thought that this blog will help bring back my love of photography, of writing just for the joy of seeing the words laid out and to the sharing of both to my friends from "Flowers and More"