Month: February 2016

EyesWindows to the soul, they sayMy soul is trapped behind mineiron bars for irisesStaring like a wistful, restricted childat the world outsideSee the beauty and joyAll the people, loving life and each otherSee the laughter and frivolityBut know none of itI feel as though there is a noosethat tightens whenever I try to experience anything fullyThe music stirs me, but I cannot sink into itI see wonderful people, but cannot connect trulyThe torture of desire that cannot be fulfilled, though by all rights it shouldIn a cageof my own making?I am tempted to believe the voices that whisper sobut cannot tell whether they are friend or foe

These numb lenseswitnessing life like a drama enactedlike some extra in the actas the narrative climaxes, fade from stageinto darknessunnoticedunmissedunrememberedwhile the eminent gorge themselves on gloryfor the momentBut when the moment is gone, so are theyerased, obliterated from memoryBut who am I kidding? So am IAnd I never amounted to anything.Never even pretended.

Though I write a thousand songsWhat voice would share them?What ears would listen?Though I ache to share my mind’s rich landscapescultivate the seeds planted thereshare its fruit with other soulsand receive theirsHere I remainAlone as evervoice echoing off these stone wallsreverberating back upon my own headuntil madness is all I hearWhere is sanitybut in the silence?To cease the constant questioningand beAnd perhaps when I can be with myselfthe rest of the world can, as wellAt peace

Cityscape bathed in stardropsStillness strewn with sky’s firefliesHazy lunar orb the only heavenly lightreaching human gaze, through the celestial curtainOminous peace, the puddled earth telling the night’s storyof torrential gusts, rumbling cloud-roarssearing flashes of purple-white heatas paltry humankind could but peer through the glasshearts tremorous or thrilledwitness to such powerbeauty and violence so heedless of the creatures below

I wish to runbut not to fleeto fling myself headlong into the deluge, and dancedance with the drops that plummet and leapwith the bolts that rend angry black skies

When earth and sky are spentbreathless and tranquilWhen dust-dwellers venture out once moremay our songs harmonize with those of the starssins of earth washed clean by the cloudburstincinerated in sacred cremation of consciousnesssink into a sea of lightelectricthe watery air afire with dragon’s breathbut now still, silentFloat on the sea of darkness

MomentsSnapshots in my headAn endless reel, cyclinguntil they are etchedburnedinto my retinasinto my dreamsuntil they are commonplacetaken for grantedWhat is not commonplace, howeveris the way they change so radicallyNot in contentbut in effect
In that moment of its makingthat snapshot was perfectAnd the next day, it made you beam with joyAs long as you were in that happy placeit brought such warmth to your soulPerhaps you even started relying on these happy snapshotsto be happylike a shortcut to a better placeuntil habit made them constant companionsLittle did you thinklittle did you knowThat such habits would bite you harder than they embracedWhen life shatteredWhen loss hit you, took your breath and peace awayThose moments that you loved became your worst tormentorsUnable to block the images seared on your perplexed heartPerhaps you can move on one dayand those snapshots will be bittersweeta mere pang, momentary acheAnd then you can brush off the hurtreturn to the momentfor life is happeningmore memories to be madesnapshots, happy or sadconfusing or peacefulto be madeAnd who would miss that?

In this momentI just want someone to hold merun their fingers through my hairhand me tissues when I crywhisper“it’s okay, darlingeverything will be okayDon’t be afraidI’m here”I want to fall asleep on the couch next to youimaginary friendknowing that I’m not alonethat my loss is understoodmy bereavement has not gone unnoticedor unpitiedYou don’t need to fix itjust listengive me a steaming mug of teashare a flask of whiskeystare at the stars in a sacred silencejust bebe herebe nowbecause in this loneliness the shadows creepinvisible fingers clasp my throat, ever tighterand feardeadly feardread beyond reasonBut facing the world alone is the greatest threatIf I were gonewho would notice?If I dropped from the face of earthhow long until my absence would trouble another’s mind?Would any tears be shed?Any memories haunt grieved hearts?My cries are as though from the gravefor six feet of earth might as well block them from the livingfor all the heed they are givenAm I a ghost?For though I walk the streets each dayno head turnstheir vacant eyes stare through my skeletonDay fades into night bleeds into dayrunning togetherrunning awaytears running down winter’s pale cheeksbland perversion of eternityBut some stubborn part of my soul refuses despairSome voice from the past says“You are brave, bright, beautifulOh, starchildYou need no one.”And when the night is lit with silver stars in velvet skyand countless lights in the street side trees like firefliesI can breathe
Breathe the winter aircold, still, fairas a peaceful deathsurging into my lungsexpelled in cloudsVapor a ghost fleeing into oblivionand with it melt my fearsBe still