It's annoying when your real life is not living up to your Pinterest life.

Review of "Dear John": With any other actor on the planet besides Channing Tatum, skip it. With Channing Tatum, riveting.

Found out this morning that my 9 y.o daughter was up til midnight, in a cardboard box, on a laptop, whitening celebrities' teeth with photo software. I will say that Daniel Radcliff looks infinitely better.

‎"Sucks to be You" award: Hiccup Girl's cellmate.

No lie: the deli guy just asked why i haven't blogged in so long. I don't need this kind of pressure.

‎18 year old stepson: "Dude, I'd cut off an arm to be married to Megan Fox."
18 year old friend: "Dude..I'd cut off both arms."
Me: "What's the point of being married to Megan Fox if you have no arms."

I hate FB, as you know, so please continue these re-caps...this way I can read all the hysterical quips I missed! Also, isn't there any way you can fly out for my birthday?! Tom will get your ticket...love you!!!

Just discovered your blog, you're like the female Steven Wright (and I love his humor.) Thanks for the laughs, I'm signing up to follow. But not like when you go to the grocery store and stuff, just on your blog. I'm not that weird...

Simply discovered your website, you will be like the woman's Steven Wright (and I love his or her hilarity. ) Thank apple ibeacon you for the laughs, I am just joining that you follow. And not like when you go to the supermarket and things, simply with your blog. I am just not necessarily that will odd...