Saturday, August 15, 2015

I
have a secret. One I don’t tell many people, but I’m going to
share it here. I suffer from something called fibromyalgia. It’s a
long word to say I have trouble sleeping, my muscles hurt all the
time, and sometimes I want to cut my feet off to make the burning
stop. There are days when picking up my eleven-pound cat is a chore,
and other days where my hands don’t work very well. The day I
realized something was wrong with me is one I’ll never forget. I
couldn’t hold a glass long enough to take a drink, and I broke down
crying in the middle of the kitchen.

There’s
a lot of me in A’yen, the main character of My Name Is A’yen.
Including my experiences as a fibro sufferer. A’yen is a humanoid
alien covered with tattoos, called markings, that he did not choose
to have. All males of his species have them. They’re divided into
three sets.

First
set is applied at eighteen and covers his arms and across the
shoulder blades on his back, then goes down his sides to his waist.
Second set goes down the outer length of each leg onto the tops of
his feet, at the age of twenty-two. Third set is the worst, covering
the rest of his back, and is done at thirty-two. In this book A’yen
doesn’t yet have third set and he’s dreading it. He’s
thirty-one in the novel.

Why
does he dread it? Because they hurt. All. The. Time. They interfere
with his sleep, clothes he can wear, where people can touch him, and
make it easy for people to take advantage of him. There are times
when he goes around in a fog from lack of sleep, and just wants to be
left alone because nobody can touch him if he’s alone. I live half
my life in a lack of sleep fog. I never feel like I’ve gotten
enough, no matter how much I get. Because it’s not the deep,
restful sleep every human body needs to repair itself. The constant
pain keeps me from achieving that state on a regular basis.

The
ink used for the markings is metallic, and his species processes
electromagnetic energy very different from us humans. The ink is the
source of the pain as his body fights it every second from the moment
it’s introduced into his body until the moment he dies. A lot of
males go mad and kill themselves so they won’t have to deal with it
anymore.

I
didn’t consciously make A’yen mimic my own struggles, but once I
realized what was going on I went all in. For the first time I could
take this thing I live with and use it to deepen a character. That’s
what writers do. We pull from our own experiences to make the ones on
the page feel real. I had a couple of bad stretches on the fibro
front while I was writing this, and they made it into the novel.

Fibro
is an invisible disease, and many doctors don’t believe it’s
real. Those who don’t have it, and who have never had the crap beat
out of them, don’t believe how much it can hurt just to be touched.
As I’m writing this I’m in one of the “I want to cut my foot
off to make the burning stop” phases. It’s always worse when the
humidity is high.

The
same is true for A’yen. Most humans in the story world don’t
believe the markings cause pain, and they don’t believe he’s in
pain every second of every day. Those of us who suffer with chronic
pain, no matter the form, experience this every day. It’s why we
tend to keep it to ourselves. People around us don’t understand it,
and what’s worse is many don’t want to. They tend to think it’s
all in our heads. It’s not.

Next
time you’re around someone with chronic pain issues, be gentle if
you have to touch them. Watch for the little things and do what you
can to help. Because some days, getting out of bed is unbelievably
hard.

The
novel may be fiction, but A’yen’s pain struggles are very real.
And they don’t end. A romance happily ever after happens in spite
of the couple’s circumstances. That’s what makes romance unique.
But I haven’t left him completely without hope. There are a couple
of things he can do to ease the pain, and he indulges in them
whenever possible. You’ll have to read the book to find out what
they are.

My
Name Is A’yenA’yen’s Legacy #1

They've
taken everything from him. Except his name.

The
Loks Mé have been slaves for so long, freedom is a distant myth
A'yen Mesu no longer believes. A year in holding, because of his
master's murder, has sucked the life from him. Archaeologist Farran
Hart buys him to protect her on an expedition to the Rim, the last
unexplored quadrant.

Farran
believes the Loks Mé once lived on the Rim and is determined to
prove it. And win A'yen's trust. But she's a breeder's daughter and
can't be trusted.

Hidden
rooms, information caches and messages from a long-dead king change
A'yen's mind about her importance. When she's threatened he offers
himself in exchange, and lands on the Breeder's Association's radar.
The truth must be told. Even if it costs him his heart.

Excerpt
from My Name Is A’yen:

Expedition:
Day Twenty-five

Creeping
through an asteroid field had never been high on A’yen’s list of
favorite things to do. After five days, the end was finally in sight.
Another twenty-four hours and they’d be free and clear. Then
another forty-eight and Rim One waited for them.

But
right now, running on seven hours of sleep spread over the last three
days, all A’yen wanted was a night relatively free of pain so he’d
stop feeling like a zombie. No wonder the men stuck in regiments or
labor details went mad. Lack of sleep made it all so much worse. By
now he should be used to it. But he wasn’t.

Stretched
on his bed, arms spread, no clothes, and the air vents set to blow
across him, sleep insisted on hovering without landing. He’d never
been this tired before, never had to push through it on his own
without relief. Right now he’d almost damn his soul and let anyone
who wanted him have a go in the hopes it might set one off.

Or
ask Dr. Hart to rub the oil in again.

The
door chimed. He didn’t move. Another chime. “Come in.”

It
swooshed open and heavy footsteps entered his room. Not Pete or Cap.
Neither would have waited for him to invite them in. He cracked one
eye open to find Hale Curran staring at him. “What do you want?”

“We
need to have a talk.”

A’yen
closed his eye. “Then talk.”

Hale’s
foot kicked the bed. “Get up.”

Quick
as a lightning flash, A’yen grabbed Hale’s ankle and yanked him
to the floor, then sat up and pulled a blanket over his legs. “Don’t
you ever do that again. I am not one of your regiment slaves to order
about at your leisure.”

Romance Hero: I'd have to say it is my husband. Despite his numerous flaws, he gives me all his love. Rubs my back, if I feel even the slightest bit bad - he babys me. Don't want to cook, he grabs something on the way home from work. 18 years and still going strong. :)madamc421 at yahoo dot com

There are so many fictional heros from Atticus Finch and Ransom Stoddard to Hiro Hamada, it's hard to choose one. But my real life hero is my youngest daughter. Like you, she has constant pain but hers is just in her lower abdominal regions. We know about the acute endometriosis but are afraid it's more than that. Since age 12, she lives daily with a minimum of 8 on the pain scale. That's just normal to her. It gets bad when she can't get out of bed or can't stand or falls on the floor doubled up. Yet she still pushes on and trys to live a normal life. As you know, it's not easy. I pray someday she'll be able to function pain free. Those who live in constant invisible pain and try to live as normally as possible are the real heros.

She is absolutely a hero. I suffer with endemetriosis too, though it's not that bad. If a doctor ever tells me everything needs to come out, my response will be how soon can we do it.

I remember vividly when I was a teenager, having days when I couldn't stand up straight and would curl up on the floor or my bed and sob. I'd have to go home from work and had days where I couldn't get more than 10 feet from the bathroom.