Guest column: We can remove code of silence on sexual assaults at American universities

By Dani MeierBeing a therapist for nearly two decades, I’ve heard stories about lots of awful things. Nonetheless, I feel what many have described in reaction to the still-unfolding Penn State scandal: a sick knot in my gut that I just can’t shake. I’m also incredibly angry that, once again, multiple opportunities were missed to stop an alleged pedophile.

In 1998, even after former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky admitted wrongdoing with children, it’s reported that Penn State University police, the district attorney and local child protection officials took no action. University employees later stumbled upon the alleged abuse happening right in front of them.

Twice. The police were never called.

Whether it was due to personal discomfort, self-interest or to protect a prestigious and lucrative football program, a man who was thought to be a dangerous child predator remained free. Thanks to the inaction of those who knew, Sandusky is accused of continuing to abuse children for years and is now being charged with 40 counts of child abuse over a period of 15 years.

Though there has been a clamor to explain how this could have happened, cover-ups are nothing new. The culture of loyalty to Paterno’s football program is well established, but that code of silence extends beyond Happy Valley.

Across the country, American universities have an abysmal track record of addressing sexual assaults, especially in high-profile athletic programs. It took federal legislation to force colleges to even acknowledge and publish statistics about on-campus sexual assaults. Cover-ups extend beyond academia, of course, the most far-reaching of which involved bishops deliberately transferring abusive priests to unsuspecting parishes around the country.

The outrage now is too little too late for those victims. But if there’s hope for change in the future, we need to look past the specific individuals in this case. There’s a systemic problem here, rooted in a cultural ethic of masculinity where men are taught not to confront other men about their “private behavior” even if it’s offensive, violent or illegal.

This happens in many walks of life, but it’s particularly prevalent where men are organized in all-male groups like sports teams. Men are discouraged from speaking up when they know about domestic violence, for example, or when a sexual assault has happened at a college party.

Exposing wrongdoing in one’s team, fraternity, or university is often seen as a greater breach of trust than the violation a victim of assault has endured. It can silence men who should know better. A systemic perspective, however, does not excuse individual behavior. No individual should have stood on the sidelines in this situation.

Change usually begins one person at a time. And when society’s flaws become egregiously apparent, each of us can look inward for solutions even as we seek broader social remedies. Emerging from this tragedy, more of us will hopefully be able to look inward and then say to our sons and daughters, I would not stay silent. I would call 911. And I would get that poor kid the hell out of there.

— Dani Meier is a Jackson psychotherapist, educator, husband and father. He is cofounder of the Real M.E.N.’s Project, which seeks to engage men in helping end sexual assault and domestic violence. He’s also the author and editor of “Real Dads: Men Embracing Nonviolence” (www.realmensproject.org).