Saturday, March 13, 2010

When right looks wrong

Gideon is the son of a friend of mine. He is two years old. The other day, little Gideon toodled around in his fireman's hat at my house eating a tiny apple he picked off our tree. When questioned by his mother on his thoughts about firemen he looked at me and said seriously, "Bad guys."

His mother explained that they had recently watched a bunch of firemen burn down a house.

They set the house on fire.

They broke the windows with axes.

They sat back and watched the house burn to the ground.

In Gideon's mind they were bad guys.

They must have been.

Right?

We know that it was a controlled burn, but to Giddy's mind it was just plain wrong!

My friend shared how this had struck her in regards to our situation. She prayed, "God, do we say you are bad when we really just don't understand what You are doing?"

It reminded me of the March 6th Streams in the Desert. The verse is from Luke 24:21 "We trusted".

Lord, may we continue to trust in you despite the perceived crumbling, tearing or burning down of so many things that we hold dear.

Samuel

Isabel

Summary

Our family was excitedly expecting our 4th baby and planning another homebirth like all the rest when an ultrasound at 7.5 months showed Isabel had no kidneys. This is called Bi-Lateral Renal Agenesis or Potter's Syndrome. A baby with no kidneys does not urinate, therefore there is no amniotic fluid. The amniotic fluid is what the baby breathes in and out of the lungs, which also develops the lungs and prepares them for breathing air. We were told there was no possibility that Isabel would live after birth. Her lungs would not function. So we prayed and waited for Isabel to be born. We did not know how long she would live.

Our 5th baby, Samuel, was stillborn October 21, 2009 due to Trisomy 13.

How to Cope

Grieving parents may feel a sense of emptiness for weeks, months or years after experiencing their loss. The grief felt over losing a baby through premature birth or from a fatal birth defect is one of the most intense. All parents must feel free to express their love for the baby they have lost. Some of the difficult and painful aspects of grieving for the loss of a baby are listed here:

Engorgement and milk in the breasts can be a painful physical reminder for a mother that she has no baby to nurse.

Fathers need opportunities to express their grief in their own way. It is important to realize that each individual grieves differently.

Parents often need assistance in talking with their other children about the baby's death.

Grandparents often grieve for their grandchild, and may also find it difficult to deal with the pain of their children.

Family members and friends often find it hard to talk about the baby, and inappropriate remarks may cause further grief.

Seeing pregnant women and babies is often painful for months after the loss of a baby.

Anniversaries of the baby's birth and death often bring back parents' feelings of grief and loss.