Something’s amiss at the Gallery Place metro

July 13, 2007

So I’m coming out of the Gallery Place metro today around 8:15, minding my own business, when I get a distinct feeling there’s too many people around me. It’s not normally all that crowded during the three flights up from the Green line platform to the street (most people getting off at Gallery Place in the mornings seem to get off the Red line). So I look up and – holy shit! – I’m instantly weaving through throngs of middle-aged women. And I mean, fatties. In fact, at first I was slightly confused, because it’s not all that rare to see groups of large women walking around together with no men going to museums or something like that. Fat men go on golfing weekends, fat women go on bus tours. But this was too many for a simple bus tour. I mean it was like a pod of Orcas had descended on the Red line. There were no krill to be found, anywhere. So I knew this was some sort of special event, and that was confirmed when I exited to the street and saw them all going into the Verizon Center.

What was it?

It was a Women of Faith conference. Now I’m not sure if it was just a coincidence all the faithful ladies at the conference were old fatties. Maybe what they have faith in is God loving all bodies equally, or maybe they have faith in Starbucks never running out of caramel macchiato frappucino mix or Venti-size glasses. All I know is that these ladies could have used a conference like “Women of Faith…in controlled portion sizes” or “Women of Faith…in regular exercise”.

Also, I checked the schedule, there’s an equally large “Men who don’t get fellatio or sex with the lights on” conference at the Convention Center. Hmmm.

P.S. Reading over this post, it reads pretty mean. So let’s all ask the Women of Faith to pray for me.