All posts by Ugochukwu Iwuchukwu

There are not many things I like, I like my music, I Like writing and speaking, I love God and my family, I hate stupidity in any way shape or form. I am passionate about Nigeria (although the country can give somebody headache at times) and good governance (let me not even start about that one). Please drop by More often.

I’m going to be 23 in a few days and I wanted to share some of the biggest lessons I learnt as a 22 year old. I hope they help some of you and save you the stress of learning them the hard way.

First things first,

1. Avoid having just one source of income:

The hustle in Nigeria is very real. Sometimes you can be employed and your bank account will not know it because salary does not enter like that. So, get a side hustle, if you can get a second job that allows you work remotely. I could have learnt this the hard way but I’m grateful I didn’t and it payed off. The pay for your side gig doesn’t have to be fantastic because this could just be to supplement your income and keep you alive should someone owe you salary.

2. Savings are still a thing:

The honest truth is that it’s very difficult to save if you live in Nigeria but savings will keep you alive. Take away a portion of your monthly income(s) and keep it somewhere, it could be really small like N5,000 a month or really large. It depends on how much you make. Just make sure something is being saved. Here’s a tip, open a bank account and do not collect a debit card and dont download the bank app. If I’m being totally realistic with you, you most likely will dip into your savings before you want to, but at least you had savings to start with.

3. Don’t lose sight of the bigger picture:

This is something I continue to grapple with, because for a lot of us young people, our present jobs or internships are not where we really want to be but we have to pay the bills to fund our dreams. I’ve tried to not lose sight of my dreams, I keep reminding myself about them and keep working towards them. Whether it’s furthering a career, going back to school or an alternate career path, don’t get lost in the sauce you’re currently in.

4. Do your job well:

There are a lot of things that are complain-worthy in the workplace on a daily basis, one thing you don’t want anyone complaining about is your work ethic. At the very least you want every complain about your work ethic to be left without a leg to stand on. Do your job well, show up to work on time, let everything you need to do be done before you work closes. Part of doing your job well is that you ask questions and are completely clear on what is expected of you. I tried to do this a lot this year, I always asking and trying to understand what was expected on every given task and I like to think it paid off.

5. Learn:

For the first few months this year my reading habit was out of the widow. Scratch that, I didn’t have a reading habit because I wasn’t reading anything. I’d like to tell you that there was some larger than life reason why that happened but it was just laziness. I had to sit myself down and remind myself how important it was to keep learning and acquiring new information and after that talk I stood up and went to find something to read. To be honest it doesn’t matter much whether you’re reading novels or some philosophical book about purpose of mosquitoes, just make sure you’re reading something.

Let me just add that you don’t get points for finishing every book you open. If the book wasn’t what you thought it would be dump it and move on to another one. It’s not by force.

6. NYSC is a waste of your time so give yourself something better to do.

These are some of the best lessons I’ve learnt this year. They’ve helped me, I hope they help you too and if there’s any tip you want to add, the comment section is wide open. I’d love to hear from you.

With the election season entering top gear, Nigeria’s opposition party PDP, decided to have its convention and finally settle a two year leadership tussle that had seen the party fall behind APC. With Atiku Abubakar, arguably Nigeria’s best branded politician moving back to the party from APC, the convention should have been a moment to put APC on notice and inspire Nigerians, it did not live up to the expectations.

While the convention had all the ingredients to motivate PDP’s core supporters, it was more of the same political rigmarole in a time when Nigerians are looking for something else.

The results of the PDP convention are worrying for a plethora of reasons. For one, Nigeria’s two biggest thug life governors, Rivers state governor Nyesom Wike and Ekiti state governor Peter Fayose put what was left of PDPs old guard on notice. The party, in 2016 had agreements to zone the chairmanship to the south-west, Wike apparently didn’t get the memo as he put his weight behind Uche Secondus and shoved out heavy weights like Bode George and Otungba Gbenga Daniel.

Despite Bode George’s rants about this in a press release, it is difficult to be sympathetic to a man who after many years of “service” is a crystal clear representation of the crop of Nigerian leadership that has led the country to the conundrum that it is now in. In fact Bode George is crying because for the first time in a long time he has tasted a medicine he had distributed to so many over the counter and that is joyous to behold.

But the joy is a short one because a PDP at the beck and call of Wike or Fayose for that matter is not really the type of party that Nigeria needs and it doesn’t matter whether they are the opposition or in government, like APC, they’re just not it.

The absence of women and young people in PDPs core positions show that the party is not ready to change or reinvent itself to the times. It is not even prepared to pretend. With Fayose’s stomach infrastructure and Rivers state’s money PDP may do well for themselves come 2019, but history has told us that what is good for PDP or APC for that matter is not always good for Nigeria.

What then can ordinary Nigerians do? Time is ticking and with APC and PDP at the forefront of Nigeria’s leadership tussle the projections do not bode well for an inspirational or impactful election season.

There are a lot of small impact things we can do, one is to join political parties whether it’s APC or PDP. We need to get in there en mass and we need to stamp our foot down and not settle for more of the same.

Second is to become open and comfortable with the idea of exploring options outside the PDP and APC. Some of the smaller party candidates we will see in the coming months may or may not have a profile of Atiku’s popularity and they will definitely not have the bank of the two political titans but can we not automatically assume all of them are incompetent? We need to settle and examine their proposals and plans on a case by case basis.

Third, vote PDP or APC on a policy basis. Elections in Nigeria are rarely ever about the policy, sometimes they are about proposed actions but never about the how to (the plan). They are always about the person and the party. We can’t afford that in 2019. Support whoever you want to but make sure you know and agree with what they want to do and how they say they want to do it. Ask questions!

Finally vote! Your vote matters, it counts, your vote can decide a ward and that ward can decide a state. It matters. Do not sell it and if you must eat Ayo Fayose’s rice, still vote with your conscience. Nigeria cannot afford for you to be apolitical, get down in the grind put your ears to the floor and consult your brain. God help us and let 2019 be favorable for all those who want Nigeria’s progress.

I once told the story of how I wanted to play football but that’s not the total story. I have in fact, failed excellently at being very good at any and every sport. I am going to give you the entire, never before heard gist, sport by sport and failure by failure.

Football

To my American readers, its football, not soccer. How will you qualify for the world cup when you keep calling the sport the wrong name? Lets all respect ourselves. You don’t hear us calling the NFL, American Rugby do you?

Football is a very big deal in Nigeria and in my school, you could get really cool social points for being good at it. In primary school, try as I did, I never made the cut for the team. There was even a time that my Dad had told the coach not to include me in the team. It was so perplexing because the coach was never going to select me to begin with. It’s wasn’t like he was having issues with his squad depth.

I was probably bad at football because, I wasn’t fit or particularly active. I have always been a bed bug and back then, I had a mortal fear of getting tackled. You couldn’t really blame me considering the fact that my schools football field was made up of sand and small stones.

In secondary school, I managed to get into the football team for my house. The only reason why that happened is because we weren’t good at football. We came third out of four houses in junior secondary and fourth out of four in senior secondary school. I only recall scoring one goal in six years of playing in secondary school and it was in a very random friendly game in Js 1. That is why I resonate so well with Mikel, I prefer passing back. I will however admit that one goal in six years is really really bad, especially for a winger.

I retired’ in SS3 after assisting my house to last place in the annual inter house sports. I was the head boy and the two head boys before me had seriously injured themselves in SS 3 playing football. I was not ready to test my luck. God forbid bad thing.

Basketball

If there was a game I should never ever have attempted it’s basketball. I was terrible at it. Absolutely terrible. I never understood the rules and I never knew what I was doing. I was like a square peg in a round rim. Don’t even bother giving me a free throw, I missed every free throw I ever took and even threw a number of them out of the field. You could have called me a traveler because that was all I did with the ball.

Handball

My total career playing time for handball is probably 10 minutes, if you include training sessions. I don’t consider my career failure in handball as an actual failure because I always knew that the sport was not for me. Unlike basketball where I was deceiving my generation.

Shout out to our Js 3 handball keeper, Micheal Olorunfemi who helped us win the competition despite dislocating an arm before the game.

Track & Field

For whatever reason I’ve always thought I could run. Maybe because when I’m running the breeze bowing back at me tricks my mind into believing I’m moving mighty fast. When someone is running beside or behind me, that’s a different story. In fact the only race I think I have confidently won against my age mates is a sack race I won for my house in primary school. A very important victory if I do say so myself. I woke up from a nap and went to win the race. #BOSSLIFE

In secondary school, my closest friends were some of the fastest people in the my set. My best friend Arinze was (because old age and too much food have ended his career prematurely) one of the fastest people in the set. When he and I would race, for the first 2 seconds, in the race, I would be in front but by the end it would look like an abominable something. Let’s just say, if I was the standard for human speed every one would be on performance enhancing drugs.

My condition became an entirely different matter when my sister started winning medals for discus. As for me the only thing I could throw were wrong answers in Math class.

As for high jump and long jump, I’ve always considered myself as a very law abiding human being and I don’t like to fight with gravity.

Volleyball

My career failure in volleyball is the most painful because its the only game I felt like I really should have been good at. Well that and tennis but I have never actually played tennis. I think with Volleyball there were just better players than me and since it wasn’t a game that people randomly played I never really had a chance to practice.

FIFA

I feel the need to include this because with the rise of E-sports, God knows how long before we start playing FIFA at the Olympics. The truth is, how good I am on FIFA depends on who I am playing against. Let me put it like this, if you play Legendary on FIFA, you will wipe the floor with me. Anything lower than that you will most likely beat me except the gods of our land show up that day.

I want to know, what is the most embarrassing moment you’ve ever had while playing a sport. Tell me all about in the comment section.

This episode of loose talk podcast is a defining moment in music history, where an artist with the antecedents and status of MI, stepped into the verbal ring with two of the greatest entertainment journalists in Nigerian history. A lot of jabs were thrown, a lot of knock downs and comebacks, there were a lot of calculated punches and spontaneous outbursts of passion. There was also a lot of ego, enough to have a healthy conversation but a bit over the top at times. The episode is a nearly 3 hour podcast that is definitely not going to be fun to watch, or listen to on mobile data but if you love music, especially, African music or African hip-hop in particular, you need to listen to or watch this episode of the loose talk podcast.

The single most important moment for me, in the podcast’s entire three hours was when MI, Osagie, Loose Kanyon and AOT2 went back and forth over an alternative music platform to iTunes for MI to base the numbers of his Chairman Album. Osagie said that over 90% of Nigerians do not have access to iTunes and majority of Nigerian iTunes users are not even in Nigeria. Remember last November when Nigerian banks positioned themselves as enemies of the music industry and all but eliminated the only platforms for Nigerian artistes to make money off album sales. It is sad and in some ways infuriating that, when Nigerian music is once again pushing continental boundaries our artistes are barely making any money off it directly.

MI’s Chairman album is one of the highest selling albums, if not the highest, since it’s release in 2014, it has made about $120,000 (over N43 million) according to MI over three years. There were a lot features on that album, so all the collaborators have to get paid, producers, sound engineers, marketing and PR teams, the record label has to get paid. By the time all the due diligence is done, MI is taking home a lot less than that and remember, this is money made over three years on what is arguably the highest selling album, in that period. Now, imagine how much up and comers take home. A lot have given up and release entire albums for free on Soundcloud hoping to parlay whatever successes into getting an endorsement and high profile gigs.

It takes an unbelievable amount of time, energy and human resources to make an album. Even musicians with near zero talent hire writers, producers and engineers that know the work and all those people have mouths to feed. So it is extremely important that if you can, pay for your music. A number of Nigerian ATM cards work on Deezer, and UAE iTunes store and Apple music, although most Nigerian songs are not on that store. If you have a dollar card you should be able to access Apple music. You can also try barter cards where you can fund a dollar card in your Naira account.

I also think Nigerian artistes, record labels or at least record label backers and entrepreneurs need to talk to themselves and see how they can parlay their influence and resources into either bringing a foreign player like Pandora, Amazon music, Spotify or Google play music to come in, or improve and expand an indigenous platform like MTN music plus, cloud 9, iRoking or Spinlet. The market is ripe, the music is ready and if we play our cards right this will be the dawn of a new age. What we cannot do is sit here and allow this opportunity go to waste.

If you have followed my blog for a while you will know that Nigeria is one of my favorite things to write about, and these days it has been very hard to do that. But I want to overcome the difficulty and talk to you about Nigeria.

What have Nigerian politicians done for some of you that you want to kill all of us because of them? Some of you are ready to kill another person because of Nigerian politicians, people you don’t know and don’t know you? Will it kill you to admit that Jonathan was a terrible president and that Buhari, is equally as terrible? Will you die if you admit that APC is just as selfish and evil as PDP?

Even if you can’t admit it in public because of your over-inflated ego, surely you can do that in private? Surely you can lock yourself up in your room and admit that this country is not working. We have been in a recession for so long that recession jokes have all become dry. Surely somewhere in your heart you know that whether you believe in APC or PDP, Nigeria is not working.

These things are fact, these things are crystal clear but instead of us to work together we are bickering over politicians who do nothing for us.

As at the writing of this, there has been 226 days in 2017 and President Buhari has spent at least 152 days in the UK. As far as 2017 is concerned our president is closer to a being a British citizen than he is to being a Nigerian citizen not to talk of Nigerian president. In that time, the economy has remained in the same toilet Buhari left it in, Nnamdi Kanu, first of his name, has gained enough man power to start an actual army down south, Boko Haram are back like they never left up north and then ASUU unleashes a mass population of idle youths into a very chaotic scene. There is not much room for excitement to be honest and it is very depressing when you think about it.

I am not trying to scare you but I need you to know that, cliche and banter aside, Nigeria is falling apart and very soon something will give. We as Nigerians are standing in a room filled with gas and instead of looking for a way out we are hoping and praying nothing ignites a spark. We will not survive like this much longer, even if we do make it passed Boko Haram, a failing economy and Nnamdi Kanu in one piece, oil is going away and it’s never coming back, our population is exploding and there will be even less opportunities than there are now.

I want you to know that your children and my children will grow up in a Nigeria that is much tougher than it is now unless we stop that from happening and we are running out of time.

If you don’t know what to do to make a big difference, start from the little things. Vote for your conscience, vote for the man or woman with the best plan even if they don’t have a political party with huge cash. Follow the activities of your state governor, your state legislature, the national assembly, ask them questions, do not compromise your integrity and if you have none, get some. Keep your loyalty for your conscience and not any politician or political party. Don’t keep quiet, let your voice be heard, don’t let sincere ignorance stand and don’t suffer fools. Let your presence be felt.

Nigeria may have done nothing for you but she needs you. She needs you more than she knows it. Stay safe, stay smart, stay woke.

Value for Money: Top 10 Hotel’s in Ikeja that Count

Ikeja is the capital of Lagos State and a haven for fun spots in the state. Whether you are a business or leisure visitor, in Ikeja, there is no dull moment. From branches of multinational companies to entertainment centres like Fela’s Afrika Shrine and Ikeja City Mall, you are to find things that will captivate your imagination. As a first time visitor or regular traveller, you do not have to worry about finding a suitable accommodation. Ikeja is home to some of Lagos’ finest hotels and we have made a list of such hotels that offer you the best value for your money.

There are only a few 5-star hotels in the country and Sheraton Hotel is one of them. A favourite accommodation choice for the elite, expect only world class treatment at this hotel.

The rooms at Sheraton Lagos Hotel are very spacious and modern. Each room features excellent bedding and large TV panels that make you feel like you are at your very own private theatre, making movie watching a delight. Each room has a dedicated electric kettle, coffee machine, and hair dryers. You can make requests for extra towels if you are so inclined.

Enjoy exquisite meals and assorted drinks at any of the hotel’s 4 restaurants and bars including the Goodies Pub, La Giara, Terrace Bar, and the Crock Pot. Each of the restaurants specialises in a type of cuisine from Nigerian to Italian delicacies. There are no worries about running out of cash as there is an ATM on the hotel ground.

You can also book the club room that offers you complimentary access to the Sheraton Club Lounge, a special TV viewing area, newspapers, and periodicals, and drink vouchers. Workshops and international conferences can also be hosted at the hotel. Sheraton is situated close to Murtala Muhammed International Airport making it easily accessible to travellers and quite convenient for those making a quick transit through Lagos.

Many guests testify the peaceful ambience of the Blue Spring Hotel is its major selling point. Though it is located in a busy part of town, once you arrive at the hotel premises, the hum of the city quietens. But that is not all, it is just the beginning of a wonderful stay at the hotel.

The hotel boasts large rooms, neat beddings, spotless bathrooms, clean furniture, and a fast internet connection, just ask anyone who has ever stayed there. Here is what one customer had to say about the internet services;

I really enjoyed my stay at the hotel, the internet was very strong and it made very easy to surf the web with one click pages opened on my electronic devices.

Previous guests of this hotel also attest to its 24 hours supply of power. Travellers would appreciate its nearness to the Murtala Muhammed International Airport and the ease of locating the hotel. The staff is also known for their prompt attention to enquiries. Complimentary services include adequate parking arrangements and top notch security. Book a room at Blue Spring Hotel and obtain good value for your money in quality service and good location.

Whether it is your first time or your nth time at the De Renaissance Hotel, the treatment is the same. It will meet all expectations you come with, regardless of if your room was pre-booked or gotten last minute. Here, the rooms are very neat and easy on the eyes, with simple yet beautiful interior decorations.

The hotel is particularly close to the Murtala Muhammed International Airport, and other locations like Kalakuta Republic Museum, 5 minutes walking distance to the Ikeja Shopping Mall, and a few minutes to other locations like Calabar Kitchen and Domino’s Piza. More reserved guests will also find this hotel particularly impressive for exclusive services like cushioned outdoor sit-out and in-house dining services. De Renaissance Hotel serves its guests with complimentary snacks and fruits. The hotel’s parking spaces are ample and can accommodate many cars at a time. Guests do not have to worry about the safety of their cars.

Have all your lodging needs met on your first stay at Hotel Ibis and be sure to return for another wonderful experience. All the rooms come with fully functioning air conditioners, as well as a constant supply of electricity. Many customers particularly enjoyed staying at Hotel Ibis for its location in GRA, the highbrow area of Ikeja and its proximity to many places of interest.

Checking in at the hotel is seamlessly done as you will find that the hotel staff are friendly, hospitable, and polite. On getting to your room, you will find a coffee machine for your personal use. The ensuite bathrooms have showers and hairdryers. You do not have to worry about cash as there is an ATM on the hotel premises.

Are you a nursing mother or someone in need of special care? This hotel is just for you as there are babysitting services in place, as well as facilities for people with disabilities. You can also relax at the crystal blue-coloured swimming pool. The hotel restaurant serves exquisite buffet breakfast with wide choice of cuisine.

Fun places close to the hotel include Kalakuta Museum, Ikeja City Mall and Dominos Pizza, a visit to any of these is always a nice way to end your beautiful stay at the hotel. A shuttle to and from the airport is also available on request.

Surrounded by leisure and recreational spots, and a 10-minute drive from the Lagos airport, Westown Hotel is a delightful 4-star accommodation. Whether you are a local or an international guest, you will find that Westown Hotel has something for every taste.

Check-in is swift and effortless for both pre-booked and emergency guests. The hotel offers you great service, warm ambience, and beautiful rooms. Some of the rooms, like the Diplomatic Suite, consisting of a large private lounge, a secretary’s office, and a mini bar.

As a guest at the Westown Hotel, you get to enjoy free breakfasts, as well as a 24-hour restaurant that serves African and continental dishes. The hotel’s rooftop restaurant is especially known for its delicious Thai/Chinese cuisine. Take soothing dips at the rooftop swimming pool and relax at the rooftop bar with glasses of any of the available variety of beverages.

Have a swell time by visiting interesting places near Westown Hotel including the Muson Centre, National Museum, Ikeja Golf Course, and Ikeja City Mall.

Shoregate Hotel is one of the best-rated hotels in Ikeja; most of the customers are known to get full value for their money whenever they come. The staff at Shoregate hotel are also very welcoming and willing to go the extra mile in helping guests on arrival. The rooms are fitted with all the necessities to give you comfort including work tables and chairs. A previous guest likened the bedding “…to that of Premier Inn, London”. The bathrooms are pleasant and private toilets never run of toiletries. The hotel also offers an impressive breakfast buffet, with lots of variety to choose from.

Relax and let your skin come in contact with the natural breeze from the large rooftop space specially reserved for relaxation and to allow guests have an amazing view of the city. You can also request for exclusive services at the 24-hour service desk including car hire services to take you around the city. Places you can visit include the Ikeja Golf Club and Sparkle Hall.

Best Western Starfire Hotel welcomes you with its lush greenery and buoyant horticulture, as well as a warm and hospitable reception from its staff. On the rare occasion that you have a complaint about a particular room, a staff is always available to check you into a better fitting room. Previous customers love the cozy, spacious, and clean rooms, as well as the overall security of the premises. The quiet ambience of the environment allows guests the chance for maximum relaxation and a getaway from all the stress.

The hotel is well situated in the highbrow area of Ikeja and only a few minutes from the Lagos international airport. There are a variety of sights you can visit during your stay at Best Western Starfire Hotel including Ikeja Shopping Mall, National Theatre Lagos, and National Museum.

The rooms are beautifully decorated and fitted with all the necessary appliances and furniture. The wireless internet is quite fast and surfing the web on your mobile devices gets better. The parking space is ample and enough to house a lot of cars at a time. Previous guests at the hotel love the delicious and yet affordable meals served at the hotel restaurant. One guest sums up his stay at the hotel thus;

“My stay at the Apartment Royale Hotel And Suites was really awesome. I tour around hotels a lot and trust me Apartment Royale Hotel And Suite has the best customer service, they welcomed me warmly and so intelligently. They have nice rooms, nice meals, awesome water and power supply. I’m looking forward to going back there soon.”

Getting around the Ikeja metropolis from the hotel is easy. There are cabs outside the hotel to take you to anywhere you want to go. Popular spots for relaxation and entertainment include The Place, Coldstone Creamery, KFC, and Ikeja Shopping Mall.

Swiss Cottage Suites is strategically located in the centre of the city. It is just a 2-minute drive to the State Government Secretariat and a 2-minutes walk to the Ikeja City Mall, a delight for heavy shoppers. The overall service to guests is impeccable. The rooms feel like an extension of home – spacious and beautiful, each featuring fully functioning air conditioners. Some contain VIP room facilities. Guests have full control of which channels to watch on the Cable TV from a variety of choices.

Places of interest you can visit near Swiss Cottage Suites include Lagos State Digital Village, New Afrikan Shrine, National Art Theatre, and Iga Idungaran-OBA of Lagos Palace.

This is a luxurious hotel and one of the best-rated hotels in Ikeja. It offers you maximum value for your money. It is also the ideal destination for tourists. This is because Glonik Hotels offers tour packages that include guiding you and other tourists to several places of interest in the city, and occasionally outside Lagos. They allow you make choices by offering you an itinerary of interesting natural attractions.

The hotel also arranges free airport shuffle for international travellers. And even if you are not coming in from outside the country, the hotel is situated in an easy-to-find location. Check-in is also seamless. Entertain yourself with fun visits to the Kalakuta Museum and Ikeja City Mall.

The Island. The créme de la créme of Lagos. The title in all fairness should go to Banana Island in particular, but let’s be honest and objective with the goals we set in this life.

A lot of people live and swim work on the Island because a lot of businesses are situated there. Some people live there to be close to work or other necessities, others live there because JJC carried them there but like everywhere else, the Island has its pros and cons, so here’s what you need to know to make your life a little bit easier.

1. Bring Your GeePee Tank

Remember how I wrote in a previous post, that there is is no water in Lagos and you need to bring your borehole? Well, this doesn’t apply to most places on the Island. There is plenty of water in Lekki and what you need is a Geepee tank to store all that water. The only issue is, the water doesn’t come from the tap, it comes from the sky and the ground. You may want to consider buying bowls and buckets for packing water from the floor. Also, it may be a wise financial investment to buy shares in the company that makes Dettol because it will be your best friend.

2. Buy a Boat

Does this man have two heads?
A boat is an investment really. If you can afford one, you should probably get it. With your boat, you can enter the ocean and row over to the mainland while your mates are growing old on third mainland bridge.

When everyone is destroying their cars, you can just roll out your boat and enjoy your life. Who needs to go on a cruise ship, when you can row your way across Lekki-Epe Expressway?

Jokes aside, let us take a moment to pray for our friends & family in Lekki and VGC. As the bible says, we should also enemies in state house that have refused to fix drainages.

3. Bring your gutter.

So as you can see, gutters do not exist in on the Island. Especially in Lekki. They are a myth. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If you want to go there, bring your own from the mainland. On second thought, mainland drainages get as dem be too sha. Maybe you can rent some from Ibadan or Osogbo to buy gutter and bring, theirs is not amazing but it’s much better.

To be fair, even when the government attempts to create gutters, Nigerians in typical Nigerian fashion will turn it into a dustbin.

4. Invest in insecticides.

Island mosquitoes are mosquitoes that have gone abroad to gym and they have come back. Yes, IJGB mosquitoes are an actual thing. These mosquitoes have body, they are woke and they can suck all your blood at once. You won’t even see them coming, you will just start feeling your blood disappear from your body.

Because I like you, I will tell you what to do. Just buy one big Raid, one big Baygon and a medium-sized Mortein. When you have bought them all, just use them all at once. Make sure you finish everything, then mosquitoes will die. Or at least I hope they will.

5. Your Bank Account Should Have Sense Small.

You want to live on the Island and you don’t have money? You think they share houses for free in VGC? Everything here has rent price on top. Even your house rent has another house rent added on top of it. Even if you buy a house or build your own property, the Island will still collect rent from you.

Think of it this way, rent is so comparatively expensive that everyone has to chip in to help. So if you walk into Ebeano Supermarket to buy something; there is the standard price, then there is VAT, then there is Lekki VAT, then there is rent. So at the end of the day, something that costs N1,000 elsewhere will go for N1,500 or N1,700.

There is also the small issue of the toll gate. That small money you will pay every day. At the end of the month, you would have paid someone’s minimum wage salary. With that one alone, you suppose know say Lagos Island no be for small pikin. Well except the pikin is an OBO (Omo Baba Olowo), rich man pikin.

If you know this lifestyle is not for your pocket right now, don’t worry we have you covered. You can check out our guide to Lagos and subscribe to get notifications about our upcoming city guides. You know, I care about you and I’m just trying to help your life.

Don’t forget to comment and share. You don’t know who’s life you are saving.

Lagos. Home to between 12 and 21 million people -depending on who you ask. The land of opportunities, wealth and traffic from hell. Lagos is what Nigeria wants to be when it grows up, what almost every other state in the country can only dream about. If you blow in Lagos, you have blown in Africa. But with all of it’s glamour, Lagos can be very overwhelming. So let me help you break it down, so you don’t get confused.

There are many smaller Lagoses

Lagos is divided into 5 parts:

Lagos Mainland; where most of the regular folks stay,

Lagos Island; for the rich big boys and girls, high life lovers and some longer throats.

Banana Island; for those whose fathers are close friends with Dangote, or people who are just mad.

What I like to call ‘the Ogun state annex’; all those people living in Ogun state but claiming they’re in Lagos

And finally, there is Ikorodu; because that place is so far it should be a state on its own. The beautiful thing about Lagos is that she does not discriminate. Whether you live in Ogun state, inside water or on sinking sand, we are all Lagosians.

We are Lagos and we are plenty

Let me give you some perspective, if you ask the New York Times, there are roughly 21 million people in Lagos. The UN says that Ghana’s population is about 27 million, New York has 8.4 million people, London has a little more with 8.7 million people, Berlin has 3.5 million people or that Paris has a little over 2 million people, you get my point? So, if you think you’re just going to walk inside Lagos with one Ghana-must-go bag or Louis Vuitton suitcase (I don’t discriminate), and come and out hustle the hustlers that have been here since, you are very silly. But not wrong, it’s still possible.

Bring your own water. Lagos has none for you.

Image from Nairaland

If you are thinking about moving to Lagos, make sure you come with your pumping machine. If you can bring your borehole, that is even better. I’m not kidding, bring your borehole with you. You will just create a small space in your compound, or estate and drop it there.

Why? Because Lagos State, unlike other states, does not supply water to its residents. Well, technically, the Lagos State Water Corporation says it supplies water to maybe 30% of Lagos residents, but, I personally have not seen any house that doesn’t have a GeePee tank pretending to be a DSTV dish.

The most important word is BUS

You may also know it as danfo or molue or whatever you like. But you know what? Bus na bus.. If you come to lagos thinking you can taxi your way around town, oh my God, you’re not even ready. Also if you think that a big boy like Lagos would have a train system that could get you to most places, you are also not ready. It’s not like Lagos doesn’t have money, I mean this is the biggest boy in all the 37 lands (Abuja included), Lagos just has more important things to do. Things like finishing the $6bn Eko Atlantic and Banana Island.

Where will you base?

Finally and most important thing you need to know, where will you live? If you’re expecting me to answer that question, you’re not serious at all, you can stay there and keep waiting. I should leave my blog and start finding accommodation for you? Are you okay at all?

With all that being said, welcome to Lagos. Bring your patience, your GeePee tank and your hustle; don’t say I didn’t warn you. Have a nice stay.