I just took the time to follow once again the online prayer guide that my friend Barry Taylor introduced me to. It is well worth following from time to time... very good guided prayers and reflections.

There is something special when a friend calls you and says, "you were in my dreams last night". It is even more of a gift when this inspires them to call you to encourage you in your work and efforts. I took some time this holiday to rest. I was surprised at how tired I was... the challenge is to maintain a witness of Joy... Mother Theresa says that those called to her work should be able to carry it out with joy... they also spend a significant amount of time daily at the feet of Jesus... is "the ministry" or "the person of Jesus" the center of my focuss. It is clear to me that I am entering a time of sifting... a chance to go deeper with God... It is surprising to me how often fear comes up in these seasons... time to let go of somethings for something better. and so it goes...

Sunday, May 25, 2003

The Matrix movies has captured the sense of world view confussion that feels normal for most people. I Do not wish to go back to the "modern" world view... I believe it was never a friend to our faith... and in the end colapses into practical Nihilism.

What is the nature of reality -- really????
"Comprehension is not necessary for cooperation" (Cornel West's Cameo Line in Reloaded.)

It is a sad vision of a future world... the matrix is a world defined by defiance against the machines and the celebration of survival in a rave like style. No lasting discussion of ultimate meaning found here... except in the negative. Human love provides the only reason for keeping going on...

Went with Chris, Boy and Laura to Burbank on Friday. Boy and Laura saw the movie "Dady Care". Chris and I watched the movie "The Matrix Reloaded" for the second time. We had a great time hanging out and talking together afterwards.

Spent part of this weekend going through the Gospell of Matthew. I am struck by the fact that Jesus is not very wired to please people. He is in this gospel a focussed on his eternal purpose as Messiah. He is also not very wired to worry about our comfort with him. Love comes to us without any compromise about the truth about God or ourselves. We have an eternal choice... to line ourselves up with God's purposes or witness ultimately the unmaking of our whole lives in the end. We mistake patience with tolerance. Paitience can give us a lifetime to repent and surrender. Popular tolerance seems to sugest that we are not ultimately accountable to God for our lives. Accountability is part of love. It gives the ultimate context of our actions meaning.

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

Last night I had a blast with two brothers. We made about 2 dozen "Texas Tommies"... 8 inch Hot dogs stuffed with chedder cheese and wraped in bacon. (I have heard that they over do it with the beff and pork in Texas.) We ate as many as we could. And then went out to share our abundance with 3 other families. To their surprise they said, "this is fun". Jr. high youth have trouble sitting still. Action and then reflection seems to work the best with them.

Just got In an old favorite album of mine. Kerry Livgren "Seeds of Chang". This shifted my show on Kill radio to a fusion rock vibe... (not a venue for everyoe)... Also played Wayne Lytle's music... check out my Animusic link. And played the music of another friend named Chris who is still looking for a name for his band. And so it goes...

Sunday, May 18, 2003

Last week I did my Weekly web cast. I felt inspired to reflect on the beatitudes in Matthew 5... I think that they point to a way of being that nurtures giving and receiving love. If everyone walks away from real nurture of life in a culture, then that culture will die.

Well I can say this publically. I feel some real jealousy. I will most likely (outsied of a miracle) not ever have physical children of my own. This is just the way it is... There are physical realities that make it not likely. Some sighs in the heart turn into prayers. Breathe in breathe out and sigh to God. Years ago God gave me Ecclessiates 4 as a starting place to acknowledge my pain and to accept the comfort that I would recieve from others in the Journey with me (I John 1)... can you feel what I am saying??? If you do give me a shout out. I will not diminish anothers joy. I will not take for granted what I do have, nor will I push asside the spiritual heriatage that I have. I will groan with creation (Romans 8) and I will pray. Life goes on with or without me and I have my mark to make in this world in other ways.

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

Today I discovered that two friends of mine just became homeless. Housing is an increasingly difficult issue here in LA. Rents have doubled since 1995. The demand for housing has also really increased. Awhile ago a friend told me that there are 5,000 families who have already qualified for "Section 8 Housing" (Govt. help with housing costs)...who can't find housing.

Today I did my Weekly web cast. I felt inspired to reflect on the beatitudes in Matthew 5... I think that they point to a way of being that nurtures giving and receiving love. If everyone walks away from real nurture of life in a culture, then that culture will die.

Jude and I had dinner with Norma today and reviewed some of her experience as an intern this year. This has been a good growing time for all of us. It is also a privilege to have a mom who grew up in this neighborhood to work some with us in ministry here.

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

A new friend has picked up on my desire to generate a commuinity of online reflection on this thing called following Jesus. The Quakers used the diary as an honest tool of sharing in the raw thier spiritual journey. I hope this is a healthy extention of their insights on this manner.

If anyone needs a feedback link... the one I am using is Free!!!

Davina Wrote:

After we spoke, I have started checking out your blog and just want to
let you know that I have enjoyed reading it. And it has provoked thinking
and reflection about my experience in Dorchester and also my daily life.

Your blog has also inspired me to start my own blog--Crazy4JC.
I am completely new to this and am still trying to feel my way around in
terms of writing. Of course I feel a bit nervous about having my thoughts
and reflections in the open, yet I feel a sense of "liberation" to
be able to come out of being a "closet writer".

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

Well I am recovering from a period of sadness (the worst of it the last 5 days). My recovery started with a statement of Martin Luther Kings... "In the end when all is said and done may it be said of my life that I tried to love somebody" (paraphrased).

Well I am over 40

and I know what it means for my grandmother's body to be reduced to ashes; while she gave in the last minutes of her life a witness of heaven to come.

And I know what it means to commit the body of a friend's brother to the ground and his soul to God after dieing from a policeman's bullet.

The soul continues, but not here and this is the rub for all of us.

We can live to love or to consume and the book of Ecclessiates reveals the emptyness of consumption for it's own sake.

I know the direction of real joy walks a humble path. Mother Teresa domonstrated this by her life to an extreme; -- how to have nothing and love everyone.

Hebrew 11 reminds us what life for those who would live by faith can look like... unique to every context and historical circumstance.

I want to add to MLK's words that I want it to be said of me that, "I had faith in God and and that I tried to love somebody". I can do this with or without any fame.