Bitch-Back! How Sneaky Is James Bond?

Dear Ted:Let's stop with this Twi-hard stuff for a moment and focus on a real hot guy: Daniel Craig! Hottie, definite heartbreaker, but home-wrecker? Have you heard anything about his supposed hookup with Rachel Weisz? I know you said his Blind Vice was sex, sex, sex, but was it perhaps sex, sex, sex recently or past? Sorry for my mature tastes, but I'd much rather imagine sex with James Bond than Edward Cullen. My five shelter kitties and shelter dog would appreciate it! —Cat

Dear Private Eye:I'm sorry, your brood would appreciate you having sex with Daniel Craig or finding out if Rachel did? I'm confused. Regardless, hon, if you want to drool over James Bond, you certainly have come to the right place. He's one of the manlier men in this town, which is filled with Toothy Tile's who don't seem to know their penises from their checkbooks. Craig rarely gets the two confused. As for Rachel and Daniel, they're both saying not true, which is a huge shame.

Dear Ted:You've said before that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have taken a break in favor of their careers. I just wanted to hazard a guess as to when this happened...I say it was between filming New Moon and Eclipse. Pretty early in their relationship, and they both had to be on opposite ends of the country, superbusy schedules. Plus, they knew that they would see each other again at the end of the summer. Why not hit pause and focus on your career? As long as everyone is on the same page there's no harm done. Am I close? —Mullen

Dear Timeline:Their big break actually happened last winter, so after Eclipse. And about a few weeks after we reported it, they were back, hotter than ever once their schedules allowed them to reunite. Isn't that what normal twentysomethings do? There's never been big drama between Robsten. They know when they need to cool it sometimes (which they did a bit during New Moon and Eclipse too, yes). But that's why they always get back together! And right now they are on. Way on.

Dear Ted:After watching Conan O'Brien Tuesday night, it got me wondering as to whether Tom Hanks has ever been a Blind Vice? If so, any clues? I'm sorry if you've answered this question before. I tried looking up the answer myself, but couldn't find anything! –Shayne

Dear Thin Line:It is tough to distinguish between the two sometimes. Jackie has stepped out on his beard with other girls, but those sloppy makeout sessions seem more for show. I foresee J.B. ending up secretly with a dude à la Toothy Tile, rather than Nevis Divine who will end up with a chick.

Dear Ted:Was wondering about the particularly-pulpy tale of Henrietta Hard-Ball. If you had dirt on a politician whose bedroom ways belie their voting record (an even undermines equal rights for all) would you unveil the hypocrisy? —Saucy Dish

Dear Temptress:Oh hon, you know I would love to, especially with Henrietta in particular, but can't break my cardinal rule even for the slimiest of folks. If I out her, that would out her hubby...tho, he's really doing that himself nowadays.

Dear Ted:I really love your Bitch-Backs and look forward to them everyday. I'd like to ask you to give us some more info on notorious Nevis Divine. There are people on your boards that are convinced they know his true identity. Could you please spill a few more deets about him or maybe even reiterate a few older clues you gave? —Bubbly

Dear Popular One:I'm always aware of the popular guesses for our big B.V.'s, and I will say that as many times as you readers are right, you are also wrong. As for Nevis and his unconventional charming ways, he's doing his thing per usual, happy as can be right now with his love life.

Dear Ted:So I must ask, what's the deal between Kristen Stewart and Scout Taylor-Compton? My catty female feline squad, all rescues, are digging their claws into me for an answer! They look gorgeous together! And they're both sweethearts, laid0back chicks. Team Krout! Please dish, and help me get these feline femmes off my back! —MyCatsLetMeLiveHere

Dear Umm...:Sorry, hon, find comfort in those rescues of yours because Team Krout is so not happening.

Dear Ted:I wanted to send you a note to say that I am disappointed that you would actually pull my first and last name out of my email address and include it within the B.B, when it was not supplied as the moniker. Clearly I must have upset you as you've never done it before. I am an avid A.T. reader and fan and constantly sing the praises of your column to my friends, but I think this was quite unprofessional and inappropriate to do to a fan. You've put yourself out there with a public column that all are free to write in to and I don't think you have the right to "out" them just because you're upset or don't agree with a comment. I apologize if I was rude but I've seen much worse from people directed at you in your column and their anonymity remained intact. –Laura

Dear Ms. Sensitive:No conspiracy theory in Bitch-Backs; all opinions welcome even if I don't agree with ‘em. But when no sign-off name is provided (as you didn't), or no anonymity is requested, we use the email name. Standard policy, sweets!

Dear Ted:Just a quick comment re: Leann and Eddie. You can't steal someone's husband. If he leaves his wife for you, he went willingly. Ask Brad Pitt. —Meg

Dear Maneaters:Agreed, but Angelina Jolie saw what she wanted and pounced. She just did it in a much classier way. LeAnn should take note.

Dear Ted: Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer always seemed like an odd pairing. But was their relationship unique to John? Did he treat her differently than his other conquests? He seems to have a lot of respect for her, at least in the public eye... —I don't get what she was thinking

Dear Leopard Don't Change It's Spots:I think Jen was different in the sense that she was one of the more confident and powerful femme's John nailed. Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Love-Hewitt, not so much. Aniston knew what she was getting into and set her own rules. That's probably why it didn't work out between them. That, and Mayer's a skank.

Dear Ted:Would you say that Lea Michele's "diva-tude" has improved since being called out on her totally ridiculous antics? Also, which of the castmembers does she have the most problems with or vice versa? I know they go out of their way to all seem like a big, happy family, but I don't believe it for a second! —Breathless

Dear Keep It in Check:Definitely. After some of the dirty stuff we've heard from the set, no wonder Lea copped a ‘tude. There's some effed up stuff going down, that's for sure.

Dear Ted:Despite Kristen Stewart's last two movies getting good reviews, they have failed at the box office. Do you think this will have any effect on her career? After all, no production company likes to make movies at a loss. Do you think that it may be the case that either directors are expecting too much of Kristen to bring her fans with her, or is she just making wrong choices when it comes to films? —Karen

Dear None of the Above:I think the point of these movies was to showcase K.Stew's acting chops, which she did brilliantly. Welcome to the Rileys was never going to be a commercial success. She filmed it before Twilight even came out; it's thanks to her heavy-hitting name that the flick even hit theaters in limited release. That being said, I do think she needs to pick a role after Breaking Dawn that's not so indie, but not a teen franchise either.

Dear Ted:Why is Taylor Swift always dating guys that gossip sites love? She's dated/been seen with Joe Jonas, Corey Monteith, Taylor Lautner, John Mayer and now Jake Gyllenhaal. Is she such a fame seeker, or do they pursue her? Is this all only about publicity? —Laura

Dear Country Darling:Please, T.Swift doesn't need to seek fame. Her record-breaking voice does that all on its own. The guys, however, each serve different purposes. Like being spotted on bowling dates with Corey, a wholesome Glee guy, right after she was caught making out with John Mayer in Nashville wasn't a coincidence.