I refuse to pay my kids to do chores

As the primary stay-at-home parent of a family of six, Jessica Offer is no one's maid. She believes everyone should contribute to the running of the household - and money shouldn't come into that.

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03 Nov 2016

1 year

I have four girls aged 9, 7, 5 and 2.5 and they all do household chores on a daily basis - and you can bet your bottom dollar that I don’t pay them a single cent for it. Yes, you read that right - we don’t pay our girls for doing chores. They don't get anything monetary for their contributions, but what they do get out of it is so much more.

We have three main rules in our house. These rules are open and widespread and their aim is to act as a reminder every day for our girls (and my husband and I!) on the values we have as a parent.

Some years ago we sat down with our daughters and together we brainstormed ideas about what sort of things would help to make our house a happy place, a place of nurturing, memories and respect.

The rules are:

Inside voices.

Body and objects to self.

We all contribute.

The last one relates to many things: the way the house runs, the choices we make as a family and the input we each have on activities and things we do as a family. As a family of six we make up one unit - but in this unit, the number of kids outweigh the number of adults. So what does that mean, really? It means more mess, more dishes, more food and more laundry.

It’s a given that no one loves to do housework. I still remember my then-three year old exclaim in shock when I told her that actually, no, I don't like cleaning and her response of “But you do it so much!” insinuating that because of this fact, I must love it.

Yeah right, kid.

It was after that moment that I realised that things needed to change.

Yeah, I am the primary stay-at-home parent. I’m the one who does drop offs and I am the one who mostly cooks and that’s fine with me because that’s how it has to be for the time being. But what I am not is the only member of the family, and I’m no ones maid. There are five other people in this house who live here, eat the food, wear the clothes and make the mess. So there are five other people (yes, even the toddler) who can contribute in their way to the workload that comes from living in a family.

So what do my girls get out of doing chores without payment?

They learn to respect their belongings and care for their items. They learn that when you’re part of a family everyone and pitches in - the jobs get done sooner, and there’s more time to play and do fun things. They learn important life skills which facilitate their independence. They learn resilience from the fact that sometimes in life you have to do stuff that sucks and is boring, and that’s just the way it goes.

They get a roof over their heads, warm beds to sleep in, toys to educate and stimulate their minds, clothing on their backs and shoes on their feet, beautiful food in their tummies and a loving family to surround them - none of which of these things should be discounted or underrated.

I won’t sugarcoat things and say they don’t complain, because of course they do. My girls do complain about doing their chores, absolutely. But they still get on with it. And you know, they do get money to spend at times throughout the year but it isn’t as a reward for doing things which come as a basic expectation in our house.

And I know that I’m definitely making the right decision when it comes to their involvement in the running of the house when they sometimes go and play at friends houses and come home and describe with much shock, that their friends do “nothing” around their homes and that the “poor Mum has to do it all.”

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