Q: When I got engaged I was thrilled. I love my fiancé and couldn’t wait to be married. But, ever since the wedding planning started, I feel like our relationship has become strained. We have a lot of wedding fights and there are times when I just don’t know why we’re getting married. Is this normal? What do I do?

First off, here is a big virtual hug! I know this can be hard and admitting you’re having problems takes guts. But, we’re here for you and we’re going to help you as best we can.

Wedding planning goes beyond planning a party, it’s about planning the start of your marriage together. For many, it can be a challenging time. I’ve definitely had couples who have had wedding fights sometimes over the wedding (like a budgetary issue, a family issue or something small like the favors) and sometimes over other things. Honestly, planning a wedding does test you. It brings up emotions about your relationships with people and what is important to you individually. It also can cause a lot of stress, anxiety and pressure to make people happy whether that be yourself, your fiancé, your family and/or your friends. Because it is one day, people get very emotionally invested in every aspect which means tensions are high and something said or done “wrong” could result in hurt feelings.

I don’t know your situation personally so, I can’t give you specific advice. But, what I would recommend is to take a moment and breathe. The celebration while important means nothing if the relationship is not happy and healthy. Spend some time together with your fiancé and do something fun sans wedding planning. Don’t talk about the wedding or anything wedding related for a bit. Just be alone with the two of you doing whatever makes you happy. Sometimes you just need a break to gain perspective and appreciate the bigger picture. You can then remember how excited you are to get married and that the wedding planning should be fun.

If this doesn’t work, take a moment, sit down and just talk about what is going on. Weddings can change people (you’ve seen or heard of a bridezilla, right?), so confront it head on. Listen to each other, see what is bothering both of you and figure out how to best compromise going forward. Relationships aren’t always easy and marriage isn’t easy, but you love each other, so think of this as a problem that you can face together and overcome.

Now I hate to talk about this scenario, but I must. If both of these avenues don’t help and you really are reconsidering, listen to your gut. Your heart knows how it feels and sometimes it is a sign. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s better to walk away before you commit yourself to someone then after. You want to mean your vows when you say them, so make sure you’re 100% on board before you walk down that aisle.

Do you have a wedding planning question you need some help with? Let us know in a comment below.