Your Little Pony

Attempting to outdo buddies in the heated arena of backyard cookouts may lead to arms-race style stockpiling of all manner of tiki torches, tricked out grills, jacuzzis, etc, none of which will matter a lick when someone goes and gets a dancing pony. This weekend, that someone is you -- meet Your Little Pony

Originally a birthday present for a Mexican South Bay rancher's hella lucky wife, YLP's a real live dancing pony named Blackie, who's now available for "Mini Pony Parties" during which he'll thrill your guests with sweet moves designed to make said guests heads explode. Blackie's black, eight years old, has a long (and supposedly quite rare) mane and tail, and arrives clad in "a stylish Mexican outfit" to perform stunts typical of circus horses, which the Mexican dude trained him to do while clearly crunk off that Ginuwine. Said stunts consist of doggie-style sitting, laying down, raising up on his hind legs, and crazy-legged pirouetting and clopping along, all perfectly in sync to Mexican folk music, or whatever tune you wanna throw on, like maybe one that sings of your saddle, and how it's waiting for someone to come on and jump on it. And ride it. Your pony.

Blackie typically performs during the first half of his visit, while the second's dedicated to posing for photos with whichever of your friends hasn't stormed off yet, because, sorry world, you just won.