There’s too many naked people in the world

You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna chew the legs off a wrought iron table?

Now – I’m going to say something controversial here… so don’t go getting your panties in a wad and acting like I kicked your cat. It’s just an observation on my part. Naked people

There’s too many naked people in the world. Like some evil genius computer hacker – hacked Hollywood. And he didn’t find a couple of naked photos of some nubile and chesty young Hollywood starlet to post on that World Wide Internet. No sir. He found thousands of photos of hundreds of naked starlets!! Naked people

Then you got your naked TV shows… Naked & Afraid. Naked dating… And of course 360-with Anderson Cooper. I don’t know what in the blazes he’s thinking. Naked people

Those twisted perverts at PETA – they don’t want you to wear fur… so what do they do? Get a couple a’ long-legged super-models to walk around naked. That makes total sense, right? Here’s a big thing now – an annual naked bicycle ride… all over the world. They even got a day in New York City where everybody rides the subway without pants on. I know they call it the Big Apple… but that don’t mean we want to see your banana. Naked people

It used to be… if you wanted to see naked people… you needed a dirty book store… pay cable… or a strip club. Hell – now skin – is in! Buck naked is main-stream. Naked people

And for the life of me – I have never once looked at myself in the bathroom mirror after taking a shower and thought… ‘now THIS is something I want to share with the rest of the world.’ Because like 99.9% of the world – I do not have a naked-friendly body. And I got news for you – unless you’re a nubile, chesty Hollywood starlet – or a leggy super-model… you don’t neither.

Wake Up, America!!! All I’m saying is – it’s best to leave nudity to the professionals. Because amateurs without pants – is not a pretty sight. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off.