Shady advice from a raging bitch who has no business answering any of these questions.

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On being too stupid for advice.

im dating this man, but he’s living with his parents. he’s graduating in may with his degree, but is being charged with felony failure to render aid because of an accident he got into last year. he really is an amazing man, who has had no type of problems with the law in the past. i went to see him yesterday and he was drinking and told me that he wanted to see me today. when i left and got home, i didnt hear from him AT ALL. until 3 am he told me he had just woken up. i texted him this morning and asked if i was still invited over but i didn’t hear anything from him. i called him around noon and he told me that he was hung over and was going to go back to sleep. am i wrong for, i didn’t freak out on him but i vented to my friends, getting upset because he couldn’t call me or text me at all??

he asked me when i was going to be his girlfriend, and i said whenever he asked me. but he responds with ‘when are you going to be my girlfriend? today or tomorrow?’ am i wrong for wanting him to ask me ‘would you be my girlfriend?’ or something like that instead of ‘WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND?’ i asked him why he doesn’t ask me normally and he says because he’s scared of me and what i’d say. should i dump him because he’s a wimp? should i put up with his shit until his court thing is over? or should i break it off for until its over and through? i really like him alot, but not enough to waste my time or play stupid games. please give me your best advice 🙂 thank youu!

Really? Wow. You’re a fucking idiot. I mean, even for a twelve year old, your level of emotional intelligence is frighteningly low. It’s not that I don’t care what you do, it’s that I honestly can’t give you any advice.

I suppose I could tell you to start reading existentialist philosophy in a quest for self-realization, but who are we kidding? Jersey Shore re-runs are about to start, and you want a stranger on the internet to help scold your alcoholic boyfriend who will undoubtedly find a way to knock you up before he starts serving time for felony hit and run, thus bolstering the supply of potential cast members for next season of MTV’s 16 and Pregnant.

Actually, wait. That is one thing you can do. Don’t ever go off your birth control. Seriously, people like you shouldn’t breed.