Call Me Old-Fashioned But... Let's make a date

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There's a difference in the eyes of men
between a "bang-able chick" and a "marriage-
able woman." The reason I can be so
certain of this is because the vast majority of
my friends are of the masculine gender (not
to mention I have six older brothers), making
me privy to conversations from which
the average female is excluded.

Continuing on from last week's discussion
of personal attire and making "respectable"
choices, it only seemed logical to remain
within the romantic realm offering up to my
fellow ladies once again a few additional tidbits;
this time, in terms of attitude, expectations
and actions that will serve to transform
you into the latter of the two aforementioned
types.

Don't get me wrong, I've dated more than
my fair share of losers (I'm a musician, and
rocker boys … well, they're bad news), but
then I learned "The Rules," and honest to
god, no more than a month after this intensive
"mind re-tooling" I roped in my very
own Mr. Right. How right is he, you ask?

Well, from leaving roses on my doorstep
in the middle of the night so that my early
morning grogginess (and bitchiness) is combated
as I venture on to my day job, to creating
roadtrip CDs containing each and every
one of my most obscure favourites, to planning
a scavenger hunt of gifts for me on my
birthday timed precisely so that I'd discover
a new treat every hour until he returned
home from work, to never missing a day
when it comes to calling me beautiful, I
think you get the picture.

But I'm not here to gloat about my own
love life (and believe you me this is the first
time in my entire existence that it has even
been remotely "gloatable"). No, I'm here to
tell you how you can have the very same
kind of relationship.

While the business world dictates that the
successful modern woman is aggressive and
assertive, essentially mimicking the attributes
traditionally associated with professional
men, when it comes to dating, a woman
who makes the first move is perceived as
either a) easy or b) desperate; neither designation
accords you long-term potential mate
status. Let ME let YOU in on a secret: men
LOVE a challenge.

On my and my fellow's first date, I intentionally
arrived 15 minutes late. I told him
he could only see me again if he were lucky,
and I also made certain that I would not be
the one texting, calling or emailing him to
make plans. When he did call, I didn't
always pick up the phone, and if he left a
message, I didn't always return it.

Now these actions may scream out to
women who are unaware of "The Rules"
that I wasn't putting in my fair share, and
consequently, I was going to drive him away
because he'd get the wrong impression that I
wasn't into him. On the contrary, my dears,
it was all a test. If he wanted me for more
than just a little hanky-panky, he had to show
it, and the only way I (or any woman) could
ascertain his true intentions was and continues
to be by being able to evaluate the consistency
of his efforts.

If you get a man on a routine (i.e.: there's
an expectation that he's to call nightly at a
given hour, for example), any deviation in
his pattern will indicate to you there's a
problem in the relationship (barring extraneous
circumstances), therefore potentially
saving you from seriously devastating heartbreak
(which none of us want or deserve).

So why is all of this important? Well, let's
face it ladies, we are naturally more emotional
creatures, and we get attached to others
much more easily. I've known a slew of
women who have mistaken their "maternal
instincts" (their desire to help others through
care and nurturance) with their "huntress
instincts" (their sex and romantic drives),
leading to unfortunate co-dependent relationships
wherein they play the roles of
mother, housekeeper and bedmate simultaneously
(not cool, any healthy relationship is
mutual in ALL areas). On the converse, I've
also known many women who have made
excuses for lousy specimens of men, insisting
their cheating was only a one-time thing,
and they are perfectly okay with their mates'
addictions to porn and other drugs of choice.

Don't kid yourself – we don't work the
same way. Women can't just fuck and be satisfied.
The ones that claim they can are lying
to you and themselves, and almost invariably
suffer from serious distorted perceptions
of their own self worth.

The point is, nobody's going to want to
buy the cow if you're giving away the milk
for free. So, just as I suggested to you last
week to class it up clothing-wise if you
desire to be treated as a person (not a nice set
of jugs), I also suggest you re-tool your dating
protocol if you've found yourself dating
anyone similar to my exes. The best place to
start? Pick yourself up a copy of Ellen Fein
and Sherrie Schneider's The Rules.

The most important thing to get out of all
of this is this: don't sell yourself short.
Going to a fast food joint is NOT an acceptable
standard for a date, and meeting men at
bars or gyms RARELY leads to anything
more than you becoming next week's locker
room gossip. Be coy. Be mysterious. Leave
him wanting more, instead of giving it all
upfront (I mean that from an emotional, dating
history and physical stance). Think back
to the days where marriages actually lasted…
the one night stand scene gets old real
fast and promoting promiscuity is stupid (not
to mention all of the diseases and unnecessary
pregnancies it leads to).

Interrobang

The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd in London, Ontario and distributed throughout the Fanshawe College community.