Small Beach Town Freaked Out by Arrival of 250,000 Black People

Every year, “Urban Beach Week,” in which (mostly) black people from all over the south converge on Miami Beach for fun and concerts and stuff, causes huge white anxiety. But no one’s racist! “David Kelsey, president of the South Beach Hotel & Restaurant Association, says friction over the holiday weekend has been less about race than the conflict between the young party crowd and the luxury tourist clientele Miami Beach actively courts. ‘There’s still a gulf between the crowd we’re attracting and the crowd we really want to attract and need for future business,’ Kelsey said.” He did!

Sure, who likes a bunch of partying kids? They throw up a lot, it’s boring. But so “future business” is I guess… not black people, mostly. (Mostly white people prefer murderous Russian oligarchs—a much better class of character, I guess.) Except, for this weekend? “The Fontainebleau Miami Beach, where the average room starts at $389, is at least 97 percent booked.” And? “The street scene has been good to Prestige Luxury Auto Rentals in Miami, which had rented out 80 percent of its stock by Tuesday, including all its $2,000-a-day Lamborghinis and even pricier Ferraris.” So you know, “they” are all luxurious enough to rent the town’s entire stock of $2000-a-day rental cars but not luxurious enough to be… white. (Also, I’m sorry, have none of these white people ever set foot inside a Louis Vuitton store? Who do you think made that into a bajillion-dollar business?) Anyway, fine: more room at the Young Jeezy, Raekwon and Lil Wayne parties—and the Busta Rhymes All White Yacht Party. (LOL, yes he did.)