Posts Tagged ‘schlong’

A ten-foot tall crucifix is causing controversy at a Catholic Church in Oklahoma:

“The controversial crucifix has caused a deep divide among members of St. Charles Borromeo Catholic Church, where it hangs above the main altar. ‘There are a couple people who have left the parish,’ said the Rev. Philip Seeton, the church’s pastor. ‘There are people in the parish who don’t like it and have stayed.’ Critics of the crucifix take issue with what appears to be a large penis covering Jesus’ abdominal area. Seeton said the portion of the crucifix in question is meant to be Jesus’ abdomen ‘showing distension’ — not a penis. Seeton said, ‘I’ve had people who have vocally said that that’s what they see there. I’ve had people who have been just as vocal who said that’s not what they’re seeing there.’ Janet Jaime, a local iconography artist who designed the crucifix, had no comment.”

Over the years I have accumulated a small yet sweet lil collection of toys. Some gifted to me by others, some I sought out on my own to fill certain needs or explore nagging curiosities. Some have been life changing. Others…. not so much. So anyways… without further ado… here goes.

This was a case of hungry eyes in the sex shop. Me and my BFF go in and start perusing the aisles and both ended up leaving with this big flourescent pink glittery vibrator. We went home and tried it out (not together you filthy creatures) and both had the same reaction… wow it’s pretty big. I appreciate it’s girth. It’s silicon so with a lil lube it slides in and out very comfortably, and the veiny texture does give it a hint of realism. The little nubs at the base kind of confuse me. While I’m assuming they are for clitoral stimulation, they really just kind of hurt. And they look like dildo warts. The vibrating mechanism stopped working pretty soon after I bought it. All that aside though, this is still my go to for some good standard dildoin. And sometimes that’s all you need god dammit.

I am sure there are way better options out there… but it serves it’s purpose well. And eVeryone should have a glittery pink dildo…

2) Wicked Essentials Bullet with removable Rabbit Sleeve

I have scoured the interweb for this toy and am tOtally bummed I can’t find it! Here’s the deal. When you turn the bullet on, the ears of the rabbit flick around much like 2 fingers rubbing together REALLY fast. When you hold it so there is an ear on both sides of your clit, your clit becomes a sort of punching bag of orgasmic bliss. My bullet is loud as hell, but it packs a punch so powerful it feels like a jolt of electricity on your pussy. For fun sometimes, right when I’m just getting things going I kick it to full blast and it seriously makes my whole body jolt. Not the best toy for a roommate situation. Like I said it is LOWD. But really really awesome for girls who need a serious clit beating to get them anywhere. And with the removable silicone sheath clean up is a breeze! My bullet is by the brand Wicked, but since I can’t find it anywhere I’d recommend trying this combo (photos and links below) from Good Vibrations… The reviews seem to say the bullet is pretty powerful, and I always have great luck with their products.

This gets me there EVERYtime. A 100% absolute must have. And don’t get the one that’s attached to the dildo. This one gives you way more artistic licence… great to use on all body parts… nipples, balls, butt holes…

PS… another amazing thing about having a bullet is teaming it up with other non vibrating silicon toys. Since silicon carries vibration infamously well and the bullets are generally pretty strong, you can simply hold the bullet anywhere on the silicon toy and the whole thing will vibrate quite nicely. HIGHLY recommended with butt plugs. Also works great with my (broke ass) Perfect Pleasures Jelly Pink Vibrator (turned dildo).

SO… with only my broken pink schlong and deafeningly loud rabbit, I set out to find something a little more roomy friendly. I thought I’d go water proof since my others weren’t and what better place to catch up on some alone time than in the tub? I stumbled upon The Lucid Dream series at the Hustler store in Ft. Lauderdale. It’s claims were that it was powerful, quiet, and water proof. In hindsight I don’t really know why I would have gone for this shape over all the others. It’s too small to be a dildo, too big to be a bullet. I have since realized it’s ACTUALLY a butt plug. But too big for my tight little ass. The vibration is pretty alright… but I have to say this is the one toy I’ve ever bought and never use. Nice quality and pretty color, but all in all kind of useless in my book. Although a few of the other shapes in the Lucid Dream series do look more intriguing to me now…

ps… i just noticed on www.edenfantasys.com that a lot of their toys they have a “view actual size” button. SO innovative…