Bake for them two

In Jesus’ time, the nation of Israel was under Roman rule. The Israelites were allowed to live there and practice their faith for the most part, but they had to pay taxes to Caesar and obey the Roman laws.

To the Israelites, the Romans were evil and ungodly. They had no place ruling over God’s chosen people in God’s chosen nation. That land had been promised to Moses and his descendants when God brought them out of Egypt. Their very presence in the land was blasphemous.

One of the Roman laws stated that any man could be required to drop what he was doing and carry a Roman soldier’s equipment for him for up to a mile. In the Sermon on the Mount, with his followers gathered around him, Jesus referenced that law and told his followers what they should do in that case:

“If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles.” ~Matthew 5:41

Go with them two miles. That was not the advice that most of the people in the crowd that day had been hoping for. That was not the conclusion that they would have come to on their own, following this man that they hoped would lead them to victory over the Romans. That was certainly not respecting their religious beliefs — go with them two! What if their neighbors saw! What if seeing them carrying the Roman’s equipment caused other Jews to think the Roman oppression was okay? What if there was other work that needed to be done — good work, charity work even, but they spent all that time carrying equipment for the evil oppressor? But Jesus is not worried about any of that:

“If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also,” he said. “And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

Christians, our Jesus said, “Go with them two.”

If you believe gay marriage is immoral (I don’t, myself) and a gay couple comes into your shop and asks you to bake a cake for their wedding, what should you do? If God causes the sun to rise and the rain to fall on the wedding days of straight and gay couples, then what is our responsibility? If it is against the law to discriminate against people based on their sexual orientation, but you believe strongly that their lifestyle is immoral, what should you do?

Christians, our Jesus said, “Go with them two.”

If you are wondering if it is worth being sued and losing your business to stand up for what you believe is right, if you miss the look of hurt in the couple’s eyes when you refuse them and only see an angry, media-driven, ACLU-led mob attacking the small business owner who is only standing up for what you believe in, what should you do?

Jesus said, not only should you follow the law of the land — the law which in America for the most part prohibits discrimination against people because of their sexual orientation — not only should you do the minimum you have to do, you should go the extra mile. (Yes, that’s where that expression comes from!) Do *twice* what the law requires.

If someone forces you to bake a cake for a gay wedding, bake for them two.

Christians, our Jesus said to not only follow the law, but to rise to a higher standard of love. Christians should be the FIRST people baking cakes — for everyone who asks us. We should be known for our cake baking. People should be saying, “There go those crazy Christians again, baking cakes for everyone. They just won’t quit!” Then, when we share the reason for our wild, all-inclusive love, people will want to hear it. “Let your light shine before others,” said Jesus, “that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Christians, when we dig our heels in and insist on our right to discriminate, we are hurting people — we are hurting so many people, so deeply. Behind the ACLU and the liberal media are real people, who have been hurt again and again in the name of Christ. Christians, you and I have hurt them. I know most of us have really good intentions, but we are making Jesus the last thing they want to hear about.

If we “snatch one person from the fire” by refusing to condone behavior we believe is immoral, but send hundreds and thousands of others fleeing churches and Christianity entirely, what have we really accomplished? Someone else will make that cake and fewer and fewer people will look to Christianity for love and hope. We will have won a battle that we were never called to fight in the first place, but lost the war.

*****

Friends, after receiving more than 1500 comments this past week, I’m closing the comments section on this post. I want you to know that I value all of you who took the time to leave a comment, even those who disagreed with me, and especially those on all sides of the issue who vulnerably shared their stories of hurt and healing.

If you would like to read other Christians’ perspective on this issue, or find places for further discussion, I have shared some resources that have been helpful to me here: BFTT follow up and resources.

If you are curious how I came to support gay marriage and full inclusion of LGBT Christians in the body of Christ, you can read about that here.

If you have felt rejected or unloved by Christians or the church because of your sexuality or gender identity, please read my post We choose you.

And please check out Faithfully LGBT and their wonderful photo series of LGBT people of faith.

Personally, if I were a cake baker, i would bake a cake for a gay “wedding”. Not because i am endorsing their “wedding” or their lifestyle but because it would afford me the opportunity to speak truth into their life just as baking a cake for any other “event” would afford me to speak truth into those individuals as well. My skills and talents were entrusted to me in order for me to promote the truth of the Gospel. How else would I, a mostly conservative, heterosexual, Christ following male be granted an opportunity to speak truth into a homosexuals life at their request. Now that is how I would personally handle it if it were my business. I do however feel for the business owner who feels their civil liberties are being squashed by being forced into providing something they are genuinely morally against….not against serving homosexuals but against providing a service promoting a unholy activity. I would defend a homosexual, or military, or any other human being from providing a service for a Westborough goofball simply because they believe their activities are reprehensible, but i fully support the Westborough goofball and their freedom to say whatever stupid things they want to say.
Bottom line for both sides of the equation….stop playing the victim. Just because I dont agree with you doesn’t mean I dont love you…just because sometimes what I have to say hurts, doesn’t mean I don’t love you. FYI scripture doesn’t tell us not to judge, it tells us to examine ourselves first and to hold ourselves to the same standard that we hold others to. Jesus loved everyone and we are to follow in the footsteps of Jesus. Jesus also called sin sin and while loving that person He gave instruction, and told them to “go and sin no more” He didnt just ignore and allow them to remain in their sin….and we are to follow in the footsteps of Jesus. If you are a believer and I am a believer then we are to sit and study and reconcile the Word of God together, in brotherly love…and where we struggle to agree, we trust in the Holy Spirit to work on us individually to correct our hearts and minds….If we cant do that than we are just big loud clangy annoying noise makers drawing attention toward ourselves and accomplishing nothing of eternal value.

I think we may have differing interpretations on what Jesus was talking about when He says to remove the plank from our own eye before taking the speck from our brother’s eye- He was talking about our brothers, fellow followers of Christ. For indeed, in many passages we are called not to judge (Matthew 7; Luke 6:37 for example), and Paul says in Romans 14 not to argue with one whose “faith is weak” about “doubtful things,” but to receive them, and receive them with love. It’s hard to tell someone who doesn’t believe in the gospel or is completely against it “you are wrong,” without seeing the place of love that comes out of, that a fellow believer should understand. And John 5:30 says that judgement is just if we seek to please God, so I think that when we follow in His footsteps, we are willingly giving up our right to feel that “our civil liberties are being squashed,” because we live to please HIM now. I am not saying that the owners aren’t genuine, but in living for Christ we are called to love in spite of our own feelings.
I am thankful for the last part of this comment and do agree that we need to allow the Holy Spirit to correct our hearts and minds, even in my own study and interpretation.
Until Jesus comes back, we won’t know perfectly how things should and shouldn’t be. And praise Him for working in spite of our imperfections.

“..we are called to love in spite of our own feelings.. ” I couldn’t have said it better myself. No matter a person’s feelings/opinions in regards to whom someone else loves, they should love those people in spite of their own feelings because we live to please HIM. Great point.

Why the scare quotes around “wedding”? Not only is ours as legally valid as yours, but it’s accepted by our mainstream Christian church, too. And the truth of the Gospel is this: Jesus never said anything about homosexuality…

Kevin, it is not playing the victim when people like you, who put quotation marks around words like wedding, go so far as to try to make it constitutionally illegal for a same sex couple to be married. They are being discriminated against. The same place in the bible that is quoted against homosexuals also tells me that I have the right to stone my wife to death for about 50 different reasons. Christ said to love each other, and he also said to take the log out of your own eye, meaning: No one else’s sins are any of your business. You sir are warping the words of Christ to fit your own narative, and that makes me want to vomit. – Cory

@Kevin: Reading your very thought-out reply I nonetheless am struck by the notion that your “cake” would taste funny. It would not taste like a genuine authentic cake, made with baking love like any genuine authentic baker would. It would instead taste of an ulterior motive, a not-so-hidden motive, to pass judgment, just like your quotation marks already “evaluating” the word wedding.

The Bible indeed does say not to judge (Luke 6:37). But rather than picking and choosing scriptures I believe that focusing on the two new laws that Jesus implemented is more instructive and in great contrast to the extremely judgmental theme of the Old Testament and Jehovah.

I think the most important point is that of “doing more” than is asked for as a way of showing not just good will but great will. This is the same strategy that Ghandi and Martin Luther King adopted, that by being such staunch advocates of non-violence and sticking to their ideals (not their beliefs) that their enemies would eventually realize on their own how wrong they were (not that I believe gay people are wrong or the enemy; the Bible says nothing against same-sex orientation [https://youtu.be/4OiDrbipW34]).

As I used to teach people when I proselytized, the Golden Rule is not DON’T do unto others… It’s DO unto others as you would have DONE to you. As a rule it’s a challenge, not a simple barrier to not cross.

Kevin, I appreciate that you believe that you’re right (and righteous), but Jesus didn’t tell people “go out and tell people who right you are.” He said Love God and Love Your Neighbor.

Very well said. Agree with every word you have said. Was trying to find a way to post a comment on the original FB post in my timeline but could not find a way to do it. Not a FB or technically anything expert. Found you recommend and it was everything I would have said. Thank you and God Bless you.

I got to the “Westboro” part and thought of one name: Will Campbell. Just about the only white guy in the civil rights movement, he then ministered, befriended, loved KKK members. Because he said either you loved them all or you didn’t.

Hi Perry, thanks for commenting. I think this is a great question: What would going the extra mile look like in this situation? Maybe sitting with the woman and offering a listening ear? Asking her to share her story and finding out what other needs she has? Offering her alternatives and support if she does choose to have the baby? And, in the end, if she does choose the abortion, going with her and holding her hand so she doesn’t have to be alone?

This is a very interesting reply. My initial reaction to “go with her,,, so she doesn’t have to be alone” was “YIKES.” That is quite the sacrifice and would totally make me uncomfortable, but I think that’s exactly what Christ would have done. We have been taught to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort and in this particular circumstance I believe that would be the Christ like thing to do. We can’t take away people’s agency, but we can show people Christ like love despite their imperfections. Nobody is perfect and everyone deserves love and respect regardless of your opinion on their behavior.

What if your friend comes to you and says “I’ve just had enough of my wife; she drives me round the bend, and I’m going to kill her.” What would going the extra mile look like in that situation? Maybe sitting with the friend and offering a listening ear? Asking him to share his story and finding out what other needs he has? Offering him alternatives and support if he does choose to continue with his marriage? And, in the end, if he does choose to murder his wife, going with him and steadying his nervous hand so his aim is more true?

Sounds fine up to the last line, doesn’t it?

(Anyone replying to this comment needs to remember, before they type, that something being legal doesn’t make it more (or less) moral.)

Hi Gerv, thanks for your thought. The difference between those two examples is that in the case of the potential wife-murderer you have the options of calling the police to save the wife, or physically trying to stop him yourself. Of course you should do that first. In the case of abortion, though, you can’t stop the woman by legal means, all you can do is show her love and offer alternatives and support. If she still chooses to have the abortion, your coming or not coming will have no effect on the life of the baby, but it could have a huge effect on the life of the mother.

YES!! I too would struggle in this abortion example, but I can agree with your way of thinking. Love them no matter what. It may not be the choice I would make or one I think is right, but if I treat them badly I will never have the chance to share the love of Jesus with them. Lord help me to be more like You.

Perry, much of this was regarding Jesus’s response to Roman Laws. US law does not require anyone to contribute to an abortion. Therefore, it does not apply to your example. It IS the law (and now being codified in many states) not to discriminate on offering services to LGBT. That said, I would hope that if someone asks for you to contribute to an abortion, that you would take the time to listen on why they feel they cannot have this child. If it is a financial burden for them, then offer to help them pay for the pregnancy care and help them find a reputable adoption agency. If you cannot help in that way, pray with them that the answer comes and if they still chooses to abort, they have their reasons. Do not abandon them. Pray for them, pray for the doctor and pray for the child that will be in heaven with our Lord.

Thank you for a cogent and articulate article. I am a Christian minister who finds the controversy confusing, for all the scripture you cited, which I believe you did very accurately. I look to a time when we can recognise the sanctity of all people and treat each other as Beloved.

I am nearly in tears right now. This is just beautiful. Why has this never occurred to me before? It is so simple, isn’t it? For all the deep spiritual truths within the Bible, the simplicity of Jesus’ message is, “love people”. ” Go with them two” is true not only for how we should treat LGBT people, but how we should treat ALL people. I am suddenly ashamed of my many passionate debates with family, friends, and complete strangers on Facebook. Opinions are fine, but people are more important. God bless you for reminding me.

Shawn, what a beautiful epiphany you have had in response to reading this blog post. Would that I could be a fly on the wall as you manifest this new idea in your life. Nuff’ said. Go with (your) God. I am heartened that you and I are on the planet at the same time.

How wonderfully perfect this is. I regrettably get so wound up in simply knowing that the behaviour (from the bakery and “christians”) is wrong, that I don’t take enough time to articulate WHY it’s wrong. I used to be heavily embedded in the southern fundie church, and I used to know my scripture so well, so I’m ashamed to admit this verse never came to me regarding this issue.

Bless you, you amazing woman, for refreshing my mind and reminding me of this all too important (but oft overlooked these days) message of Christ on matters of non-believer interaction.

Thank you for the beautiful post! I believe the Father weeps for all of His misguided children. He never told us to condemn, but to instead love EVERYONE as He does. His love is beautiful, perfect, and without bias. The church I grew up in had a children’s song that I would like to share. “As I have loved you, love one another. This new commandment, love one another. By this shall man know ye are my disciples if ye have love one to another.” I no longer attend any kind of church, but His teachings on tolerance and love will always be in my heart.

I am neither gay nor Christian but I must say that the level of conversation here is astounding. One forgets that it is possible to disagree and remain polite and respectful. Thank you for providing a forum for that.

Thank you for such an insightful article. I am a gay man and was saved in November 2011. My biggest obstacle in gaining outside support in my Christianity walk is by far other Christians. Christians are the ones who have told me all my life that Jesus doesn’t accept me, he’s forgotten all about me, and they responded to me with hatred, judgment, and disgust. All of the opposite things that Jesus would do for me! Please, I’m begging you, practice treating everyone you come across with respect and honor them as a child of God. We have to do this as representatives of Christ. People look at us doing discriminatory things and can point to us and say, “you believe in Jesus and treat people so badly, and you want ME to be Christian? No way!” Remember, Jesus said to us that we are to love out neighbors as we love ourselves. How are we doing this when we refuse a neighbor a space at our table?

How incredible and refreshing. A Christian actually writing and acting like a true Christian. I am gay, and I am very much a Christian. I totally believe Christ is my savior, part of the holy triumvirate, and died for my sins. I try to live as Jesus like a life towards others as best as my human flaws allow me, and constantly try to work on my flaws. I know I did not choose to be gay, there was no choice, I was born gay, and no, no one cannot tell me differently as they are not me. But I cannot come to grips with why Christ would be so very down on anyone who, in the practice of their business, was doing a legal act (like squeezing some icing on a cake, or stuffing a vase with flowers) in comparison to the hurt, the pain of throwing a figurative stone at some one who is wishing you no harm, no I’ll will on any level. I know my Christ does not find those two things equal. It is nice to know the author “gets it,” that businesses are dealing with two people who have found love and wish to celebrate that love. The business is not celebrating it, the baker, the florist is not joining in on it any more than they join in the celebratin of any other wedding, or funeral, or birthday. Why do so many Christians find relief, even pleasure in making life more difficult for anyone in our daily struggles. I do not buy the “love the sinner, hate the sin,” or that they do. It out of “love” of their God. The one is a public relations phrase meant to get the heat of hate off their own back, the other is contrary to what my Lord is about, love and respect of their fellow man, even at the expense of ones self. Thank you. Thank you for seeing the hurt, the pain that we gay people have been subjected to our entire lives (am 61 years old here), simply because we exist on this earth and respond to the same sexual urges anyone else does, only with our own sex. We breathe the air, so we are hated. Thank you for seeing that the “gay agenda” for me and all the other gays I know is merely to live our lives as we wish, doing no harm to anyone else, but also getting the same rights, priviliges and responsibilities as a straight man or woman, single or couple. The same, meaning no more than straights have, which also includes being able to talk about our spouses, have their picture on our desks at work, etc without being accused of “throwing it in someone’s face” any more than a straight throws it in our face when they do the same things. Am beginning to ramble here, so will close, but again, thank you.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts here and also opening up comments section as well. These are some of the thoughts that came to my mind after reading your post.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” – Matthew 11:28
“For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:30

“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. Remember what I have told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master. If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also.” – John 15:18-20

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” – Matthew 16:24-25

As I read these verses again, I find myself in grief and anguish. Receiving Christ has without a doubt taken away my burdens. Where there used to be anxiety, there is now peace. Where there used to be an unwillingness to let go, there is now an open hand for God to freely give and take.

However, the grief and anguish come from living and functioning in the world in light of Jesus’ words, God’s words. Being a disciple of Christ and having my mind renewed in Christ, I am constantly aware of being hated by the world. I feel hated by the world. I don’t believe I am eagerly and actively seeking to be hated.

I wonder if others who profess to be Christians have felt/are feeling hated by the world as well. From here, I see two possible responses. 1) Stand firm in the Lord despite hate, knowing that He has overcome the world and is no stranger to hate, persecution, and suffering or 2) flee from being hated, which more than likely involves having to acquiesce in some form, be it watering down truth or not speaking anymore.

Which response Christians choose reveals, I think, what they are willing to sacrifice. You wrote, “If we ‘snatch one person from the fire’ by refusing to condone behavior we believe is immoral, but send hundreds and thousands of others fleeing churches and Christianity entirely, what have we really accomplished? Someone else will make that cake and fewer and fewer people will look to Christianity for love and hope. We will have won a battle that we were never called to fight in the first place, but lost the war.”

Based on that response, I believe you, as well as many others (myself included) fear that the message we preach will drive many away from Christianity. That those who could be saved, will not be because we won’t get to hear them say “Jesus is Lord.” The fear is that people will no longer want to look to Christ for hope and salvation, but to other things. However, I think it is far graver an action to uphold numbers over truth when attempting to gauge/measure “good.”

One observation I have through my dining in God’s word is that many followed Jesus because of the signs he performed. And to many, these signs indicated to them that He was the Messiah they had been waiting for; deliverance and victory had come to the Israelites in order to free them from oppressive Roman authority.

And yet, Jesus did not bring the victory any of them were hoping for. Rather, he gave himself over to be crucified at the appointed time, and it is written: “then everyone deserted him and fled.” – Mark 14:50

From what is written, it does not seem far-fetched to postulate that the moment Jesus handed himself over to be crucified, all who had hoped in him lost their hope. Jesus, whom they believed to be the Messiah, was now hanging from a cross.

To the Pharisees and the Romans, they believed victory was theirs. But as we know and are reminded this Sunday, Jesus rose from death. Only Jesus knew of the Father’s plan, and trusted in Him. Despite being deserted by his followers, his very own disciples, Jesus did not sway. In fact, to Jesus, he was confident that he would and must be deserted. Yet that reality meant little to him in light of the Father’s promise.

And just as the Father made known to Jesus what was to come, so too has He warned us:

Matthew 24
2 Peter 2

It is worth reading both chapters in their entirety (there would be a lot more text if I typed it all out). There are warnings of false teachers, persecution, natural disasters, and more.

“Truly I tell you, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened.” – Matthew 24:34

“But the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.” – Matthew 24:13

“Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

To me, Jesus’ warnings, as well as the entirety of God’s word, are quite clear in pointing out following Jesus demands your life. And part of that is an ability to know you are hated by the world, yet loved greatly by God even when it seems evil is winning. It is not the popular way or the easy way, but simply as Jesus said, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

Are we willing to be hated by the world for lovingly sharing and proclaiming God’s truth? Or is praise and acceptance by a world that ultimately hates us worth more to us than God’s truth? My conviction is that God cares little about quantity. It matters not how large a congregation one has, but how strongly built their faith is on the Solid Rock. This is another reason why I grieve because when I look around at the world, I can’t help but often think, “Lord, the devil is winning! We are hated, and people want to believe what they want to believe. No one has ears to hear us.” But perhaps this is just a tiny taste of the rejection and hate Jesus endured in coming to call us sinners to repent and follow Him.

Looking simply at God’s word in it’s entirety, there is nothing there that condones same-sex marriage. Perhaps some would then like to ask “Why? What is the reason behind it?” And to that, I would have to say, “I don’t know.” I would have the same answer if someone asked me, “Why did God demand circumcision in the Old Testament?” In reading through Leviticus, there are many times where I am completely clueless as to why God says the things he says. His reason seems to simply be, “I am the Lord.”

However, just because we can’t think of a tangible reason does not mean one does not exist. Once again, our wanting to know vs God’s commands points to what happened at the Fall. Our wisdom vs God’s wisdom.

I’m not really sure how I would respond if I were a wedding cake maker and was asked to make a cake for a gay couples wedding. Above all, I would want to patiently and lovingly share with them that I believe marriage is a sacred covenant between a man and a woman, and that “therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” – Mark 10:9. Perhaps some gay couples believe that true happiness for them necessitates that they be with, be in marriage with someone of the same sex. In walking with Jesus, I have experienced many instances in which God has required that I open my hand so that He may freely take. I personally believed it was for my own good and happiness to hold onto it, but God saw otherwise. Through tears and wrestling, I have grown to be more trusting of God with whatever He chooses to take and whatever He chooses to give. And with that came true joy, peace, and happiness. It is not I who knows what is best for me, but God. It is a constant journey with God, being refined by His loving discipline. Of course, I can’t imagine having this conversation in the midst of business hours making wedding cakes. More likely than not, I would be quickly called a bigot and be hated for saying something against their desires.

The only thing I can offer here is I don’t believe there is a cover-all approach. Whatever my vocation may be, I pray that I may do it all to the glory of God and love whomever it is that I meet. And I believe all followers of Christ ought to as well.

And I think the only way to do so effectively, is to be partaking in God’s word, the “bread of life.” Knowing God’s precepts as well as His character are essential to how we make decisions. That, along with guidance from the Holy Spirit is where our reliance needs to be anchored. If we become wise in our own eyes and think we know how we respond in every situation, we have fooled ourselves and have not relied on the Lord.

There are many Christians who I believe need to learn how to do these things lovingly. Often, it comes out as condemnation and judgement. Those who pridefully and self-righteously parade streets with signs that say “God hates ____” have profaned the Lord’s name and have failed to love. There’s a big difference between condemnation/judgement and loving correction. One leads to repentance and healing, the other does not.

An encouraging story I read was about a man who worked in a bar frequented by many gay couples. The gay couples knew where he stood on gay marriage as he was not shameful of his faith in Jesus Christ, but they also did not boycott his bar; they were still regulars. The big difference was there was patience, love, dialogue, and a commitment to God’s truth. I could be mistaken, but I seem to recall reading in either the same article or a different one that many nonbelievers are seeking truth, and not a belief that is malleable. In cases where God’s truth has been lovingly taught, perhaps many nonbelievers would feel cheated if the person who had shared God’s truth with them watered it down so it’d seem less offensive.

I think that’s part of why the Gospel is so powerful; it’s uncomfortable in it’s truth, but not lacking in hope, love, and redemption. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I am sinful. If God didn’t make known our predicament, Christ’s sacrifice would ultimately mean nothing.

Lastly, I want to say I do not have it all together, and I hope the tone in which I wrote does not reflect that I “get it” or stand higher than anyone; they are simply my convictions on this topic. There is not a single day where I have not sinned against God and fail to abide by His truth. His grace, mercy, and forgiveness are poured out onto me every day. It is a constant walk, a progressive sanctification, and a transformative love. We may be horrified with the state of how broken we truly are as God reveals to us, but He is unyielding in his love that he refuses to leave us there.

May the Lord bless you and guide you in His truth and faithfulness, Jessica.

“…flee from being hated, which more than likely involves having to acquiesce in some form, be it watering down truth or not speaking anymore.”

My question would be: Why is your interpretation of truth more accurate, more important, or more “truthful” than someone else’s? Why aren’t people (or other denominations / religions / lack thereof) trusted to come to their own understanding (or rejection) of scripture and then to live accordingly, without attempts being made to change them to fit the rules of your own view?

“…I am constantly aware of being hated by the world. I feel hated by the world.”

I’m sorry you feel that way, but – for the most part, and minus the extremes that can be found on both sides of this issue – what I think you’re interpreting as hate is simply people expressing their own views, which are apparently in opposition to yours, and people speaking out and objecting to their lives being directed by your version of religion. You’re absolutely free to have your views, but so are others.

I wouldn’t tell you that I hated you for believing in only marriage between a man and a woman, but I would tell you that – for myself – I disagree, and I would say that in terms of the *civil* contract of marriage we are all equal. I also would never try to force an actual place of worship to provide a religious ceremony that is against its beliefs. However… a bakery is not a church (synagogue, etc.) and a cake does not solemnize a marriage, so I really can’t see where the conflict lies.

Victor, who are you to tell Roy that his interpretation of truth *isn’t* “more accurate, more important, or more ‘truthful’ than someone else’s”? If you think it’s wrong for someone to think their interpretation of truth is correct, how do you know you’re correct in thinking that it’s wrong? If you tell Roy not to try to change others to fit the rules of his view, aren’t you doing the same thing to Roy?

I hope I don’t come across as rude in this comment. I believe that Jesus wants me to be loving toward all people, and that is why I chose to make this comment in the first place. I tried not to say it in a rude or belittling way, but please accept my sincerest apology if I failed to do so.

Jesus washed the feet of His betrayer. He didn’t agree with the betrayal. If our Lord and Savior can wash the feet of His betrayer, then how can we, as mere humans, think we can please Him by refusing to bake a cake for someone we don’t agree with? Can you imagine what this World would look like if just 50% of the people who claim to follow Christ actually showed the love of Christ. Christians are being slaughtered for following Christ in other nations and we are sitting over here on our self appointed thrones of judgment refusing to bake a cake. SMH He is Risen!

Roy: Speaking as a gay guy, the bar story rings true. I have had friends who will probably never spontaneously announce that they think it’s 100% okay if I were to get married, because it is against their beliefs. It doesn’t matter to me. I accept that this is their religion and that they feel they have to put it first. For them, it’s a big deal and a matter of integrity. But I also watch them encourage me and see them care about me and not just want “the” best for me, but “my” best for me. They can celebrate with me if I find love with a guy. They meet me where I’m at. They try to understand me. I try to do the same for them. But I don’t expect this from just any Christian. And this is where I think a sense of moral urgency drives some Christians away from wisdom about how to treat people – you have to seek to understand, not just to be understood. So if you want to embody love, maybe it will require a little work. Some Christians literally care about LGBT, as I have discovered. The actually sympathize. They real standouts somehow sympathize without pitying. Anyone who deals with rejection in their life, sometimes LGBT, are going to be so very uplifted by such people, especially if they had come to expect Christians to be aloof. In summary, a Christian who doesn’t actually care about others is not going to be able to hide it. They will miss out on friendships and connection with the people who they feel are unlike them.

A few people have touched on the idea of discrimination over other “sins” that I want to expand. If you see a cute little hetero couple with kids and find out later that they are atheists who were married by a judge in a park or meet a nice hetero couple and find out later that he’s been married 3 times and she never wants to have kids, you might think, “That’s too bad.” And while you might try to bring the atheist family to church, you never thought anything about either couple when you first saw them and you might not think much about their “sins” after you got to know them because they are such nice, good people. Now, think about your reaction when you see a same sex couple walking through the park holding hands, walking with their kids. Did you recoil, turn your head or wrinkle your nose? I think that we need to be honest about where these feelings originate and I don’t think that it’s in the Bible. I think that this is why good, Christian people soften their views when someone they know comes out. You still might disagree with them, but once you recognize someone’s humanity, it’s harder to discriminate.

Thank You so much for these words! You have renewed my faith in the basic goodness of Christians. So much of what I see on Facebook is people using their faith to hate. This post was such a welcome relief that it swelled my heart with joy.

Jessica, I am a Pagan who was originally baptized in the Christian faith and am also a confirmed Catholic. I came to my faith through many years of research, meditation and prayer (Yes, we pray See A Book of Pagan Prayer-ISBN-10: 1-57863-255-2/ 13: 978-1-57863-255-8). Having said that, I pray for a time when people of *all* faiths and beliefs can sit down and break bread together. This was a beautiful testament to your faith. I send you my blessings and prayers for you. Thank you for this.

I have a question to ask that truly confuses from my own spiritual perspective and that of which I was taught: If Christ came not unto the world to condemn the world, why do we condemn it? If Christ fulfilled the law of the prophets, doesn’t that mean the Torah/Old Testament is no longer valid as law but as historical context? In other words, if the Law of Moses is fulfilled/done/over with in Christ, why do Today’s Christians continue to adhere to it, even if only a line at a time?

Now I know some will say, “But The apostle Paul said…” To this I reply, then you follow Paul, not Christ.

I just don’t understand the logic. I’ve tried, my whole life. Being a gay Mormon growing up knowing I was condemned to hell for my birth and condemned for lying each time I pretended to be straight (Wo unto the liar, for he shall be thrust down to hell) brought about endless depression and suicidal tendencies.

Finally, I asked God why He didn’t love me? What should I do to reconcile and be loved again? He said to me, “Be honest.”

I learned that moment He cared more about How I lived my life then with Whom I lived it.

Okay, so I got off track from my initial question, sorry. Maybe that’s the crux of it. If Christians would just let go of the fulfilled law and live the Greater Law, I believe harmony will be found.

I want to thank you for this message. A long time ago I turned away from the church, not from God but the physical church. I felt I was worshiping with nothing but hypocrites and being lead by false prophets, who had their own inmoral agendas in mind and not God’s true message. I want to thank you for reminding me that not all Christians twist the word of God to fit their own views and personal beliefs. Thank you!

Good article discussing the charitable behavior of persons who state they follow Christ who admonished to love above all else and who never himself mentioned even once anything about gays or lesbians let alone same sex marriage. I am married to my beautiful husband and we had a Christian wedding and the ceremony was led by our pastor friend.

I’ve read many of these comments and am glad most are charitable and loving and represent the Christianity that I grew up with and supported me on my journey. Unfortunately some of these comments are quite hurtful and do not, I believe represent the love of Christ. You see, God made me as I am and he does not make mistakes. I never chose to be gay and I clean the house, help veterans in my job as a social worker and I pay taxes-I am not living a lifestyle choice nor is my sexuality a “preference”. I am not a child and my marriage which was blessed in the eyes of God and men is no lesser than your marriage. To imply otherwise or that me and my friends are like children needing to be chastised is inhospitable, rude, insensitive and, I believe, not at all Christ like nor how I believe Christ would have behaved. Most theologians believe the very few Bible verses that seem to address homosexuality are taken wildly out of context and have nothing to do with persons of the same sex who love one another. You can believe otherwise but your making a cake or taking photos for a profit in a profession you chose to do is not an endorsement of our marriage and has nothing to do with protected speech. When you choose not to do these things you are discriminating and showing an uglier side of Christianity that comes off as mere judgement and hate not as love. Many young gay teenagers have killed themselves for a lot less and I believe our words have power and sometimes our words kill. Please think about this the next time you state or imply to a gay person that they are going to hell or deny them service for being the person they were meant to be at birth. Some Christians have made this a Hell on earth for their fellow citizens. Also, denying service due to religious belief cuts both ways. My Bible and the Jesus I respect say not to judge and turn the other cheek. Should some Christians start refusing service to others because they believe the others are vessels of hate by their words and actions. Should Christians deny Muslims, how about people entering interracial marriages, what about the known adulterer who is buying flowers for his mistress or the man divorcing his wife for another. How about when people of other faiths start denying YOU service???

“There but for the grace of God goeth I. The only reason I am not gay is because I was not born that way. I assume it’s the same for others. How they come into this world is God and Nature’s doing alone. I would have preferred to have blue eyes like my brothers and mother, and not green eyed, like my dad, but GOD and NATURE decided otherwise for me. I never chose to have green eyes! And I NEVER chose to be heterosexual – I just am! I am as attracted to the opposite sex like a moth to a flame and wish I could change that fatal attraction. Why can I not??? Because I was NOT born that way!

Uradoodoohead, I agree with you, 100%. God told Peter not to call ANYTHING He made unclean, and he made us all. Since God made us, we are all individually PERFECT, and are exactly as he meant us to be.

I sincerely appreciate your thoughtful piece and the spirit in which it was written. However, I feel it is important to clarify the following: “the law of the land — the law which in America for the most part prohibits discrimination against people because of their sexual orientation” . Only 22 states and DC have anti-discrimination laws based on sexual orientation. Some municipalities and counties have similar laws in place. The sad truth is that most LGBT folks in America live without any protection against the sort of discrimination the Indiana RFA sought to protect. For gay residents of the majority of states, discrimination in employment, housing, service and other fundamental areas is completely legal.

Like many, I hope that the majority of Americans are tolerant and loving enough to accept the differences of their fellow citizens without prejudice and injury when those “differences” are both innate and completely irrelevant to the lives of other citizens. Posts such as this one are definitely a step in the right direction.

Hi Jess. This question has been addressed by many Christian thinkers, and is deeply discussed in many places, online and off. Please consider that the author of this post has been inundated with hundreds of comments in the past day, and she’s not likely to have time to formulate a private email to everyone who is wondering about her personal convictions.

I suspect that if she wishes to answer the question, she will do so publicly in a new blog entry. If you’re looking for something that’s already out there where a Christian blogger answers this question for herself (I’m sure everyone’s answer is slightly different), check out Glennon Melton’s post, A Mountain I’m Willing to Die On:

It would be a pretty long answer, esp. if I tried to write about all the relevant Bible verses, historical context, etc. But I can tell you that the biggest thing that has changed my thinking on this has been trying to listen to the stories of real people, rather than just talking about them in theory.

And hearing their stories has helped me understand is that being gay is so much more than a choice of who you have sex with. Just as my identity as a straight woman is central to who I am, how I experience the world, and how I experience myself as God’s child, so being gay (or LBTQ) is central to others’ identity. My life and my worship come out of a deep sense of being known and loved by my Creator, every part of me, from knowing that the God who created me looks on me and says, “Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee.” (from Song of Songs)

I think one of the biggest places of misunderstanding in conversations about gay marriage is that some Christians think of homosexuality as a choice whereas most gay people see and FEEL it as their identity, as an inseparable part of who they are — just as straight people do. For Christians and other people of faith, this means an inseparable part of how their Creator made them.

You’ve heard the expression “Born that way.” To me as a Christian it’s even more powerful to think of it as “Created that way.”

This deeply committed Pagan greatly appreciates the reminder that wisdom and compassion dwell in all religious paths, including the dominant one known as much for its persecution and harm as for its compassion and healing. When the loud, abrasive “Philistine” voices downshout the kind, loving hearts of faithful followers, it’s too easy to tar you all with the same brush…even when we know better. Thank you for this excellent sermon.

Wow! What a wonderful post! I personally am not a religious person, but you have brought joy to my heart with your open mind and kind words. This is something that I believe all should live by! Thank you for the smile and good vibes brother. 😀

I appreciate this so very much. It is insightful and articulate and might just reach one or two more people.

Something some readers should keep in mind when considering this article and the ramifications of Christian actions. We, as homosexuals, are so seldom referred to in these conversations as merely sinners. We are, more frequently, grouped as ‘non-believers’ or ‘non-Christians’. Nothing could be further from the truth.

My husband, our child, and I are very committed Christians in our church. We are very proud of our amazing son who will be completing confirmation next week! And, my husband is a devout, ordained minister.

See, we see this as two-way street. While it is the Christian responsibility to set the example of Christ’s love in any way we can, it is also our responsibility to show that there is a misconception about the ‘heathen existence’ if the homosexual in a Godless relationship. It is our responsibility to show others that our commitment and love are as devoted to our family and our Church and our God and Savior as much as any other Christian family.

And, it has made a difference in our Church and in some people’s opinions. It has been a blessing all around.

Thank you for the beautiful post. I was raised Christian, but left years ago. Practices of love (and the other fruit of the spirit) tell me more about a person than the church s/he attends or the book s/he reads. You personal labels and practices are between you and your god. But if you love others, I see you.

I resent this though. It suggests that gays are immoral and Christians should be better than gays and go the extra mile for them because they are sinners.

Jesus never condemned gay people.

Not only that, but Leviticus doesn’t talk about gay people. It talks about hospitality when you have guests for the night… Please do the research… Otherwise you are committing the sin: judging others.

Man should not lie with man or it’s an abomination? That is misinterpreted by our culture as being about gay sex… When it’s actually about giving your house-guests their own bed, and not obliging them to sleep in yours… With you. In those days, people didn’t live in the type of luxury we do… They lived in meager homes without guest rooms.

Jessica, thanks for your wonderful post. I was starting to believe that too many Christians have revised the bible with their own opinions, and stopped reading what was actually written (or in our case, translated). Jesus didn’t go around condemning people who were on the fringes; he ate meals with them and he healed them. The people who Jesus condemned were those who were abusing their power or status. Seems to me that for the most part, Christians who believe they are being persecuted for their beliefs may want to re-examine those beliefs. Most people are not persecuted for helping the poor, the homeless, or the sick (things that Jesus said we should do). If you think you are being persecuted for your beliefs, maybe the beliefs are the issue. I think people should stop trying to defend what they already believe and be open to something new that God is trying to teach us. I’ve done it myself and it was difficult. But I would never go back to the old me; the new me is just getting started.

First off, I am an agnostic, raised in a mishmash of atheist parents, Seventh-Day Adventist teachers and neighbors, and seasoned it all with Wiccan housemates and in-depth studies of both secular and religious works in college. I’ve seen faith and devotion in many different ways, and frankly find it hard to condemn any path to God as ‘wrong’. Be we Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Daoist, Wiccan, Hopi… we all try to reach a state of grace, knowing that we will likely fall short… yet the only failure is to stop trying.

I’m reading this treatise and thinking, why don’t more people get it? THIS is what Christ said to do. THIS is the “living by example” that He speaks of, not living piously in sight of others, putting a fish on one’s car, or signing one’s email with a verse from Scripture. This is how He wants all of us to present ourselves, as taking on someone else’s burden willingly, a burden we do not want to carry ourselves, but by doing so we intentionally make someone else’s road easier. I see so much hate and bile and condemnation these days, and I think, “These people have lost sight of God in a hall of mirrors, they only look on themselves.”

And then I start reading the comments. And I am reduced to tears by the understanding and the compassion you all display. And I sincerely hope that you all find the voice and the courage to speak to more people, shine all of your lights further, to perhaps guide the way to all those others who have lost their way to God. Regardless of your faiths or your lifestyles or the things that make you “you”, you are all blessed. Share the blessings, please.

And for the record, I am straight, married, with many gay friends, relatives in interracial marriages, people who struggle with their gender… all of these people are people first, their attributes second. All of them are burdoned down by their lives, what our society heaps upon them, and so I try (as best I am able) to take that burden from them, two miles at a time.

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. (Maya A)

As I look at all the happy Easter facebook posts I see all the couples and families, hugging, holding hands, you do it like breathing air, you don’t have to think about it. How many gay couples do you see? Why?? We have to filter our lives out of respect for You, so you don’t feel too uncomfortable. Thinking about every move we make not to offend in fear of hate crimes, name calling, shaming. We can’t always hold hands, say I love you, or give a kiss. Imagine if that was your world how different it would be.
All our lives we’ve been different, wierd, told we were not to be who we are or love who we want in our hearts. Your straight world is just beginning to have to recognize a few gay issues, but we’ve been living in your straight world all this time with respect for you. Now we are asking for the same. Peace and Love to all and a prayer that we each can walk a mile in each others shoes for the sake of Love. This is a Love issue and Love always prevails.

It’s a nice sentiment and one that any Christian person should follow in their daily lives. So should the gay bakeries that refuse adamantly to make a cake that says, “Gay marriage is wrong.” So should the Muslim cake shops that are somehow avoiding the same persecution to date. Morally, everyone should be nice to everyone. Unfortunately, we live in a representative republic where we have the illusion of control through voting over what we are made to do. We’re not under Roman rule. Therefore, it’s possible to morally believe that a person should go the extra mile while also believing that forcing them to go any mile at all is wrong and oppressive. It is in the need to hold two separate ideas in one’s head regarding what appears to be a single issue that so many people are tripped up.