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CNE: Food at The Ex is excessive

In case you have convinced yourself that calories don’t count when eating meat speared on a stick, The Dish sent five favourite CNE foods to the lab.

The Colossal Onion features a day's worth of calories, two day's worth of fat and 3,175 milligrams of sodium. (Nick Kozak / For the Toronto Star)

A CNE staple, the strawberry funnel cake with ice cream from The Funnel Cake Shop has more calories and fat than six strawberry-filled doughnuts from Tim Hortons. (Nick Kozak / For the Toronto Star)

Since the Sweet Chips from Spread Nutellerie don't have any meat, some may think they're a healthier option. Don't be fooled, a serving has 69 grams of fat. (Nick Kozak / For the Toronto Star)

The Canuck Burger from Bacon Nation is a bacon bomb. The burger includes a slab of peameal bacon, two strips of applewood smoked bacon, bacon mayo, a patty made with ground bacon and a bun with bacon flecks. (Nick Kozak / For the Toronto Star)

The slushie from U-MK8-IT Super Slush Lab is a seriously sweet, brain-freezing treat. A large cup is a little less sweet than a 591-ml bottle of Coca-Cola. (Nick Kozak / For the Toronto Star)

For two weeks each year, the Canadian National Exhibition offers Torontonians a vast smorgasbord of awesome and outrageous foods.

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You can experience sweet and savoury, salty and spicy, fatty and crunchy. And, if you’re up for it, there will be a vendor who has figured out a way to cram all of these taste encounters into one creatively deep-fried food.

In case you have convinced yourself that calories don’t count when eating meat speared on a stick or chasing a meal with a poof of cotton candy, The Dish sent five favourite CNE foods to the lab for analysis.

Given the number of deep fryers in the food building, I felt it was a public service.

The Dish did the same thing in 2010 — the year deep-fried butter was the must-have carnival fare.

Three years on, doesn’t a ball of butter coated in funnel cake batter then fried seem a tad tame?

In 2013, meat is paired with chocolate, bacon swirled with peanut butter, and pizza dough, ice cream and chili flakes are a much-hyped dessert.

The most daredevilish of the CNE’s foods is no longer. The cronut burger, which was served at Epic Burgers and Waffles, caused more than 200 cases of food poisoning.

On Tuesday, Toronto Public Health reported that the maple bacon jam, which was served on top of the burger, was the source of the food-borne illness.

Epic Burgers and Waffles, which shuttered its kiosk during the investigation, reopened Tuesday — without the cronut burger on its menu.

Food fanatics are likely sad that particular meat-and-pastry meal is now extinct. But there are plenty of other swoon-worthy foods (or shriek-worthy, depending on your culinary sensibilities) at the Ex.

The Dish tested five of them: the all-bacon Canuck Burger, Nutella-covered sweet potato fries, a funnel cake with strawberries and ice cream, a colossal onion and a large, blue raspberry slushie.

On their own, each is an indulgence.

If someone eats all five foods — whether in one visit or over a weekend of fun at the CNE — they will have consumed almost 6,000 calories, 330 grams of fat and 11,000 milligrams of sodium. That’s like eating five McDonald’s Big Macs and five large-sized orders of fries.

Truly, undoubtedly, an orgy of excess.

DISH: Canuck Burger, made with two patties

PLACE: Bacon Nation

PRICE: $16.00, including tax

Serving size: 402 grams

Calories: 1,029

Fat: 59 grams

Sodium: 3,819 milligrams

Carbohydrates: 57 grams

Protein: 67 grams

Packed, stacked and smeared with pork, the Canuck Burger is the ultimate bacon binge.

The patty is made with ground bacon. The bun has bacon flecks. The garnishes, along with lettuce, tomato and cheddar cheese, include a thick slab of peameal bacon, two slices of applewood smoked bacon and creamy bacon mayo.

You can find this pigged-out burger at Bacon Nation, an outlet that believes all foods — even candy bars and milkshakes — taste better when paired with pork.

On the second day of the CNE, the Canuck Burger was by far the most popular item on the bacon-infested menu. The enthusiastic cashier said many bacon aficionados opt for a Canuck made with two patties.

The double Canuck burger is certainly a mega-sandwich with about 1,000 calories and 59 grams of fat.

And with its over-the-top bacon component, it’s also awash in salt with 3,819 milligrams of sodium. That’s about two-and-a-half times as much as what your body needs in a day. Or the equivalent of 95 shakes of salt from a salt shaker!

Food equivalent: More calories and fat than three bacon cheeseburgers from McDonald’s. Or, perhaps a more apt comparison, fat-wise this burger is like eating 20 strips of pan-fried bacon.

Since this dish is meat-free and composed mainly of sweet potatoes, you may be lulled to assume it’s not a total diet disaster.

In fact, the Sweet Chips contain more fat than the all-bacon Canuck Burger.

Its 69 grams is more fat than what the average woman should consume in a day, while the 1,150 calories is double the amount of what most people should aim for in a meal. It also has 2,544 milligrams of sodium — about 300 milligrams more than the maximum recommended daily allotment.

Food equivalent: The same amount of calories and 15 more grams of fat than what’s found in two orders of chili cheese fries from Wendy’s.

DISH: Colossal Onion

RESTAURANT: The Colossal Onion

PRICE: $10

Serving size: 743 grams

Calories: 2,006

Fat: 135 grams

Sodium: 3,715 milligrams

Carbohydrates: 185 grams

Protein: 13 grams

Why settle for onion rings when you can get the whole vegetable carved to look like a flower, then battered and deep fried?

The colossal onion — a midway favourite — is made with a large, sweet onion and served with a chipotle mayo dipping sauce.

Lineups are longest for this carnival creation in the evenings, according to a three-year veteran of the onion-frying kiosk. When demand peaks, she said, the cooks halt production of spiral spuds and onion rings to focus on battering and frying whole onions.

The colossal onion presumably gets its name for its size. It weighs 743 grams, or about 1-½ pounds.

But its moniker also holds true for its caloric wallop.

The one I tested (both the onion and the dip went to the lab) contained 2,006 calories and 135 grams of fat. For some people, that’s a day’s worth of calories and two day’s worth of fat.

The onion is also shamelessly salty. It has 3,715 milligrams of sodium, about 1,400 milligrams more than the maximum recommended daily allotment.

Food equivalent: More calories and fat than what’s found in seven — seven! — regular-sized orders of onion rings from Harvey’s.

DISH: Funnel cake with strawberries and ice cream

RESTAURANT: The Funnel Cake Shop

PRICE: $10.00, including tax

Serving size: 494 grams

Calories: 1,423

Fat: 69 grams

Sodium: 988 milligrams

Carbohydrates: 190 grams

Protein: 11 grams

The Funnel Cake Shop boasts a red velvet and a bacon sundae version of its signature fare.

But most patrons who want a taste of funnel cake opt for the classic made with strawberries and ice cream.

This sweet sounds relatively tame compared to other CNE treats, such as the s’more weenie — that’s a chicken dog dipped in chocolate and rolled in graham cracker crumbs and mini marshmallows — or a peanut butter and bacon milkshake.

But don’t be fooled.

A funnel cake topped with strawberries and ice cream contains 1,423 calories — about two-thirds of what the average woman needs in a day — and 69 grams of fat.

With 988 milligrams of sodium — again, about two-thirds of what your body needs in a day — it’s also surprisingly salty for a dessert.

Food equivalent: More calories and fat than six strawberry-filled doughnuts from Tim Hortons.

DISH: Blue raspberry Slushie, large size

RESTAURANT: U-M8K-IT Super Slush Lab

PRICE: $8.00

Serving size: 658 millilitres

Calories: 257

Fat: 0

Sodium: 66 milligrams

Carbohydrates: 64 grams

Protein: 0

For some, a frosty, sugar-filled slushie is the perfect antidote to a dizzying ride on the Polar Express.

Several kiosks on the midway offer one or two flavours of the brain-freezing treat. But U-M8K-IT Super Slush Lab (what a name!) tops the bunch with a self-serve slushie bar.

Patrons can choose to fill their cups with lime, orange, cherry, grape, banana or blue raspberry slush. The adventurous can create a layered, electric-coloured drink.

The cashier who handed over a souvenir cup, which comes with a wide bendy straw perfect for slurping, preferred the orange flavour. But most people, he said, fill their cups to the brim with blue raspberry.

It should be no surprise that a slushie is seriously sweet.

A large-sized blue raspberry slushie packs 257 calories and the equivalent of about 15 teaspoons of sugar.

Food equivalent: A little less sweet than a 591-ml bottle of Coca-Cola, which contains 260 calories and 16 teaspoons of sugar.

GRAND TOTAL FOR FIVE FOODS

Calories: 5,865

Fat: 332 grams

Sodium: 11,132 milligrams

Carbohydrates: 621 grams

Protein: 99 grams

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