I know many of you are thinking Kin Lane has lost his marbles (again). In reality, I lost them last week for a couple days because someone really pissed me off, then after a couple more folks pissing in my Cheerios, I checked out last week (this happens from time to time). This week I am actually feeling quite fine after moving to NYC from LA, but the posts for the last couple of days are from my notebook entries made while in a dark place last week. Normally, these posts would never see the light of day, but I’m feeling like they probably should this week. Its no secret, I’m fairly sure I’d be classified in the bi-polar realm (never been diagnosed), something I’ve thoroughly enjoyed since I was a teen, but for the last 20 years is something I’ve had 96% control of. I get angry, fly off the handle sometimes, and have bouts of depression, and life feels like a roller coaster, but for the most part I know the signals, know when to check out, and I am actually able leverage it to my favor–crafting the person that you all know as API Evangelist. It is the fuel for my research, and how I write these words.

Shocking? Run you off? Ok. I’ll accept that. I just wanted to show my readers the contrast between the night and the day, and showcase how hard I work to be really, really nice, and highlight the best of the API space on a daily regular basis. I’m hoping the honesty helps you see what is really going on, with the contrast showing you how much I work to sift through the world of APIs and find useful nuggets of information you might find valuable in your API journey. I really do enjoy what I do as the API Evangelist (most of the time), and I take pleasure in helping people understand the good and the bad of it, in as nice as possible way as I can. What grinds my gears is the folks who feel they need to jump on me, question my motivations, assume there is a hidden agenda, or just inflict their messed up version of the world on this magical world I’ve manage to carve out for myself (for all of us). I may seem pushy and intense this week, but I’m guessing y’all are in denial about how pushy and intense about the things you are passionate about in your world.

I also want to take a moment to highlight the mental illness that exists in the tech sector. It is everywhere if you know what to look for. How do you think I’m able to wrap my head around everything going on with APIs, and why I am an autodidact, and have an affinity for computers from an early age? Most of the white men programmers y’all are putting on a pedestal are mentally ill, they are either just really good at hiding it, or are so privileged that nobody has diagnosed or called them out for it. It is why they are so good at the computerz and Internetz. It is why many are taking pharmaceuticals and microdosing. Trust me, I’ve been there. Done that. Give them 10, 20 years, a divorce, more startup failures, and health problems, you’ll see more of them lose their shit. It is just a matter of time. The real danger there is that most of them don’t know they are ill, or are in denial. I got hints when I was 16, and saw the full spectrum from 20-25, then by the time my daughter was born at 28 I had already figured out most of the telltale signs I needed to keep myself grounded–most of the time. There are still exceptions, and moments when things sneak up on me.

As you read my posts this week, I’m sure you were like damn. WTF is going on? He’s paranoid, wacky, or unhinged. Read them all again, I’m only speaking truth. Is the racism and sexism that is ubiquitous in the tech industry any more crazy than me? Is the endless quest for money at all costs in the startup world any whackier than what I’ve written? Following every trend. Telling wild tales of what computer and technology is capable of. Worshipping the tech gods like Elon Musk, Peter Thiel, Marc Andressen, Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos and others any more sane that what I do as the API Evangelist? Is the exploitation of people’s privacy and security anymore more sane than what I’m putting forth about the API space? Is ignoring what advertising is doing to the web all about logical straightforward thinking? What makes tech CEOs, and entrepreneurs so much more valuable than teachers, nurses, and other folks? Y’all seem way crazier than I do. I’m sorry. It is just the crazy you know, and is being sensationalized–normalized.

I’m just living, doing what I love, studying the world of APIs, and trying to share my knowledge through my writing. I’m not exploiting and taking advantage of you to get rich. I’m just trying to make a living, and make sense of this Internet age we find ourselves in. Which I have to say that your crazy, seems to making the world a pretty crazy place lately, with Trump and all. Just saying. Anyways, I’m going to take things back down a notch. I’m going to stay off the phone with some of you crazy folks, and stay out of your chaotic companies and organization, and settle back in with my nice NPR like API Evangelist tone. So please don’t come pissing me off again, make sure and pay your invoices, and don’t pick fights with me, and hopefully we won’t have to go here again. I’ll keep things way more sane, less rantier, with just the occasional amping up of things to make some points get across properly along the way.

I also want to thank all of you who reached out privately to make sure I was ok. This means the world to me. You guys are my heroes, and I encourage more of you to do this with other folks in the space. Together, maybe we can all take the crazy down a notch or two and begin to get things back to normal. I have a pretty good handle on my crazy, but I know there are many other folks out there that need your help right now. We need more discussion, education, and support when it comes to mental illness in the space. I personally have talked two people down off the ledge privately in my time as the API Evangelist, and I’m sure there are plenty of others I haven’t have the chance to help. So please talk to each other, and be understanding. You never know when someone might be slipping into the dark.

As I told Tony Tam (my hero) earlier this week–thanks for putting up with me, I really appreciate it.