Chippewa Herald * December 23, 2006

"THEY should pay US to listen!" (and other quotes)

We sent out another "Arneberg Argus" a couple weeks ago. That's
the name of our slightly irreverent family Christmas newsletter,
in which we try to capture the essence of ordinary family life.

All year long, any time we hear one of our kids say something funny
or insightful, we write it down before we forget. Here are some
of the entries from this year's issue, out of the mouths of Simon
(now 6), David (10), Jasper (12), Alison (15), and Benjamin (17):

"WHAT?! THEY should pay US to go listen!" -- Ben, 12/11/05, after
learning that admission was charged at his siblings' piano recital
at the Heyde Center.

"We should just get office supplies for Christmas!" -- Alison,
12/17/05, as she was daydreaming about a new paper cutter and
remembering the shredder the kids got for Christmas last year.

"I love the OLD way." -- Simon, 12/29/05, comparing the new method
of stopping hiccups -- holding your breath -- with the previous
way of swallowing a spoonful of sugar.

"Then I'll understand what they're saying." -- Simon, 1/12/06,
asking Mom if he'll ever get to visit a country where they speak
Pig Latin.

"I think I can jump a little higher." -- Simon, 2/6/06, when asked
what it was like to turn six years old.

"I don't understand how people could like apple pie, compared
to this." -- Ben, 2/12/06 while eating a slice of french silk
pie. (Mom was gone for the weekend.)

"I like my eyes the same size." -- Simon, 2/28/06, upon noticing
Tom's right eye swollen from some infection.

"What is this -- sawdust?!" -- David, 3/20/06, misinterpreting a
bowl of cracker crumbs. (Maybe he had been spending too much time
in the construction-zone basement.)

"That's not good manners." -- David's whispered comment during
church, 3/26/06, when hearing Jesus' words from the cross. Tom &
Beth had just taught a parenting seminar the previous day, where
they encouraged parents to teach their kids to ask a favor ("May
I please have something to drink?") rather than just whining about
their needs ("I'm thirsty.").

"He's better-behaved." -- Simon, 6/02/06, with a six-year-old's
perspective on the effects of eight hours of hard labor (mowing
and trimming) on his teenaged brother Ben.

"My bowl is not going to have much milk." -- David, 7/3/06, upon
hearing Mom's new rule that each kid only gets one bowl of Super
Sugar Bombs cereal per day.

"Let's just call it 'BEN-sized.'" -- Ben, 7/7/06, about the
KING-sized air mattress they now had for basement visitors. (He
still has that first-child royalty complex.)

"Mom, is this a MUSICAL?" -- Simon, 7/27/07, whispered during
"Beauty and the Beast" at the State Theater, after 37 minutes of
almost non-stop singing.

"Wanna see GRANDMA?" -- Simon to Dixie, 8/16/06, after hearing
Beth say that she was NOT the dog's mother.

"If it IS the same mouse, it sure is a dumb mouse." -- Simon,
8/10/06, after catching a mouse in the garage with a live trap,
a couple days after the previous wild mouse escaped from the cage.

"I'll be the entertainer while you work." -- David to Simon,
8/16/06, explaining his plan for getting a job done quickly.

"If you don't like mice then you SHOULD like mouse traps."
--
Simon's 8/18/06 logical retort to his mother's emphatic statement
that she does not touch either mice or mouse traps.

"I could live the rest of my life with no food and no water."
-- Jasper's 8/22/06 seemingly bold but actually just logical claim.

"So, Dad, am I solids, then?" -- Simon, 9/15/06 while playing
8-ball, after Tom sank 6 of the 7 striped balls on his very first
turn, leaving a rather unambiguous table for Simon.

"That doesn't even seem...normal." -- Jasper, 10/1/06, upon seeing
the cross-section of the first battered and deep-fried Oreo as it
was being sliced.

"Wow, I never knew that pannekoekens had tomatoes." -- Simon,
11/4/06, a little confused because Dad was starting spaghetti sauce
for lunch the same time he was making the dutch pancake-like
treats for breakfast.

"Get ready for singing. My dad always sings when someone comes
over. Or when we go over there. Or any time." -- Simon's warning
to cousin Jesse in the hot tub, 11/23/06 (Thanksgiving morning),
possibly finally realizing that this is not standard behavior.

That's all I have room for. May your new year be filled with
memorable quotes from your own kids!