5.25.2009

On The Fashion of Gynecology

If you are male this post may be meaningless and force you to consider things that you never desired to consider. On the other hand, I don't know...maybe the same problem plagues men in regards to their 'dreaded' annual appointment? Hmm...something to ponder. Probably not. Most men just don't care.

However, if you are female, read on. Respond. I am quite sure that I cannot be alone on this.

So, yes. You read the title correctly. Today we will be focusing on the fashion of Gynecology. For reals, folks! This is a very real concern and quite frankly we need to stop shying away from it and just discuss all that is going on in these pretty little heads of ours.

You see, I recently ran into this annual dilemma, myself. That dreaded appointment was upon me and I got up, got showered, shaved - because, well, duh!....and then proceeded to my closet to determine what lovely outfit I would don for the day.

However, this is not such a simple choice, now is it? No. It really and truly is not. You see, you have to actually select the perfect 'middle ground' outfit for a trip to the gynecologist.

First of all, one would not want to be considered the 'gross,' 'filthy,' 'unkempt,' or just plain 'eeeewwwwwww' patient, now would she? NO! That is a definite image that every woman wants to avoid upon entering through those sterile exam room doors. So, that leaves out the 'pull on anything, don't do the hair, pull on a hat and just be comfy since this is pretty much going to suck' outfit. Now, this one isn't hard for me to leave behind because I'm just no a sweats and ratty old tee's kind of girl, but I know for some that is what they put on when they want to be truly comfortable. Going to that fabulous annual exam is most certainly a time when you want to be as comfortable as possible, however....you just plain CANNOT look scuzzy, therefore dropping this outfit out of the running right off the bat.

Okay...so that's out, let's move on.

Those who study psychology know that it is often a good idea to put on something that makes you feel simply FABULOUS if you think you may have to do something you aren't that excited about. That will make you feel great and help you to keep a great attitude.

Okay...so dress up a bit, right?

No. Glitz, glam, sexy.... all out.

You see, you really don't want to look like you just 'dressed up' for a gynocology appointment, now do you? That may indicate to the doctor that...well, quite frankly, this is the most action you've seen in awhile, so you figured you should put on the shimmery eye shadow! NOT A GOOD PLAN, folks!

You see what I mean? It's tricky! Really, super, duper tricky!

This is a real issue, here, ladies. It's genuine.

So, you can't grub down and go comfy...you can't glam up and go sexy.

That leaves really only one other option. The ever elusive 'Happy Medium.' Yes, this is a great option! Only....who can define that exactly? What really IS a happy medium? I mean, if I pull on a pair of jeans I would often reach for my pointy toed pumps....is that cool? Okay, yeah, I think that would be okay, but then if I go for the denim mini, I should probably stick to flats - you know, keep it simple, casual, ready for a full day of whatever gets thrown at me. Oh, and a top. Let's see....ah...yet another problem...it's going to have to come off and then go back on again, so it has to be something that won't destroy the hair, but yet, you don't want to go too low cut, either. A button down can work, but just keep in mind that you may or may not have a place to set it down to prevent a wrinkle attack during the exam. Overall, just pick something, I guess.

So, you finally decide on something that is simple, not over-eager or showing any excitement, but not indicating that you may be carrying any number of diseases, either.

All to realize that the world of Gynecology has yet ANOTHER major fashion dilemma! Have you SEEN these gowns they make you wear? Seriously. They should be banned or something. I think they did research to see just which color of pale, washed out blue makes absolutely everyone look miserable and bleh!

I actually suggested to my doctor that they go with black, at least for its slimming qualities. She thought it was a great idea! Actually, she thought we should just have a whole selection of great colors available and the girls at the desk could choose the color based on the skin tone and hair color, etc. of the patient!

...okay...so we may have been joking, but STILL! I planted a seed...I know I did! Someday, girls! Someday! We are going to be liberated from at least the latter half of the miserable fashion of gynecology. On the first half....I'm not sure what we are going to do about that. It's tough. Just make sure your panties are clean, I guess and hope for the best!

We won't even DISCUSS the presentation of those 'medical devices' that they seem to like to display in pure 'tools of torture' form. That's a whole other post!

Mine is a hour away so I just take the day and go shopping (hey one time she did deliver and I had to wait 5 hours) but as for the dressing..I so understand, shaving, mine comes in November, and the gown...Its one that you put on one way, with every single time I put it on wrong...she just laughs...OY..if men had to go through this there would be no children. LOL

I'm with Erica on the "sock" issue! I kept them on during BOTH C-sections!! Oh, and I WISH I got one of those gowns! My doctor's office uses PAPER!!! The whole "sanitary" thing! Geesh. I don't think we'll ever come forward in "fashion" at the Gynies office! One can only hope though! ;-)

i'd give my left ovary for a REAL GOWN! My doctor makes me put on a paper gown that i swear is no bigger than a dinner napkin! then i get another napkin to cover my lap. it's horrible. they have the exam table facing away from the door, so the nurse, doctor and whoever happens to be in the hall gets a lovely view of ahem...you know...when the doctor sneeks into the room. i usually try to cover the portion of me that will be seen by the door which leaves half of me exposed to the wall...but you gotta cut your losses somewhere eh?

This reminds me of my six-week postnatal checkup at the doctor. She'd done the speculum *shudder* bit and was doing a breast check. My baby chose that moment to wake up and start crying, and my overactive milk glands sprung into action! What a mess...

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