The topic for this week’s discussion is commercials. Above, please find my personal favorite. It is a commercial for the male- enhancement drug Cialis. Cialis commercials are usually pulled from the Internet with alarmingly efficient quickness (this, and yet still no space discos), so the fact that it is still up over a year after it was recorded on someone’s smart phone and uploaded to YouTube is a blessing for which we should give thanks daily.

The reason this is my favorite commercial is because of Nachos Couple, one of the three couples in the ad that is supposedly about to benefit from Cialis’s magic ding dong elixir. I wrote about the whole commercial a while back, because it deserves it, but here is the chunk on Nachos Couple.

Nachos Couple is an inspiration. Let’s run down their part in this commercial step-by-step:

They got dressed up in what I have chosen to believe is clothing representing their alma mater.

They put on the big game.

The game goes very well, based on Nachos Wife’s reaction at the 0:06 mark.

At some point during the game, possibly just after halftime, Nachos Wife brings out a huge plate of nachos and sets it on the coffee table.

Nachos Husband is BLOWN AWAY by this. Seriously, watch his reaction, around the 0:40 mark. He looks at the plate of nachos as though his wife summoned it from the heavens. WHAT SORCERY IS THIS? Tiny chips covered in melted cheese, a slightly spicy tomato-based sauce, olives, jalapenos, and sour cream? Did thou create this with a wizard?!

Nachos Husband mouths the word “baby” and leans in for a kiss.

Presumably, if these commercials mean what they claim to mean, the active ingredient in Cialis then sends blood rushing to his loins and the two of them get so swept up in the moment that they decide to spontaneously make love right there on the couch during the second half of the game.

BECAUSE OF NACHOS.

We should all strive to be like Nachos Couple. They’ve got life figured out.

It’s insane that the Geico cavemen got a network sitcom and these two can’t even score a pilot over on Amazon or something. We should be ashamed of ourselves.

Below, please find some of the UPROXX staff’s favorites:

Dan Seitz

I love this ad because it’s just such a perfect reflection of a cultural divide. Everything about this thing is kind of nightmarish, from the atonal music to the people in Pikachu suits lurking everywhere. You just know this is someone’s nightmare. Plus it’s perfect GIF fuel.

Dustin Rowles

There’s so many cute ironies in this commercial, both at the time, and in retrospect. At the time, Greg Maddux and Tom Glavine — Cy Young pitchers for the Atlanta Braves — really were obsessed with their hitting, but the duo also had maybe the driest sense of humor in baseball history. They were like a deadpan Zach Braff and Donald Faison. The other irony, which we appreciate even more now, is that it’s Maddux and Glavine who were first-ballot Hall of Famers, while Mark McGwire is a blemish, an asterisk in baseball history. Chicks may dig the long ball, but history digs natural talent and intelligence.

Stacey Ritzen

I don’t know if this is my favorite commercial but definitely one of the most unintentionally funniest that’s stuck with me through the years. Worth it alone for the stupid catchy jingle and the way the singer totally gets into it at the point in the song when he sings the word “holidays,” but what transcends it into memorable commercial territory is the last three seconds. I’ll still break out a “Fa la la la la, French Vanilla” now and then, when the mood strikes me.

RoboPanda

I don’t want to say too much about this and ruin the joy of discovery for those who haven’t seen it yet. I will say that anybody who doesn’t like this can suck macaque.

My favorite commercial is one from the mid-90s for the launch of ESPN The Magazine which ended with Tampa Bay Buccaneer Warrick Dunn declaring he’d “never do Cat Fancy again.” Sadly, this ad impossible to find online. So here is my second favorite commercial, a 1960s skit written by comedian Stan Freberg (ask your grandparents who he was) involving a local man comparing a sheep to a Jaconsen lawn mower.

I can’t find it but there was a Sunny D commercial in the 90s where a family was being chased around the house by a cartoon Sun that was yelling shit like, “But I’m full of vitamins and minerals!” and the family is scared shitless.

I still quote this Spicy Chicken sandwich commercial from Burger King with friends when relevant, but having just rewatched, had NO idea it also features Joel McHale being a dick which is always worth 5 extra bonus points: [youtu.be]

Not sure if movie teaser/trailers count, but for me, Rocky 4’s teaser (my favorite btw), which they copied for the teaser for Terminator 2 (replace Ivan Drago with the Terminator). Vince Dicola’s synthesizers are HAUNTING:

Without a doubt, it’s this 16 seconds of a French Bulldog having a great day and reading manga on his phone. It’s gotten me through some sad moments, and actually helped dispel a panic attack a few months ago. It’s pure joy: [youtu.be]