The Diary of Miss Darcy Bustle: 16 June

The Lady’s lovable office dog tells all

Written by Miss Darcy Bustle

MondayI need to work on my diet. Or, more crucially, work on those who are in charge of my diet. I just don’t get enough food – I sound like a broken record. This morning Dorinda took pity on me and offered me a carrot. I’m not sure Dorinda has ever met a dog before.

TuesdayThis morning the editor went to review the Royal Academy’s Summer Exhibition without me. I used to see all the big exhibitions in her bag – I caught David Hockney’s portraits show that way last year – but things are different now. I do understand. We all have to be conscious of large bags and there can be no exception. But surely someone should have searched her on the way out and asked why she bought a card with a picture of another dachshund on it? He’s called Oscar and his portrait was painted by David Remfry MBE RA. It’s currently propped up on the desk being called ‘adorable’. That is, until I helpfully bury it somewhere…

WednesdayToday I was allowed to work with the commercial team – we are planning another ‘pet-friendly’ holiday special and my input was vital. But what was more vital was the delicious cooked bone Andrea sneaked in and hid in her office drawer. Technically, I’m only allowed an hour for lunch but nobody snitched on me while I spent all day chewing my snack!

Oscar's in the picture

ThursdayMany of the readers and some of my fellow journalists are members of the National Garden Scheme which has raised over £50 million for nursing charities. In order to fund-raise, some members open their gardens and serve tea to visitors who make a donation. But not many of them let in doggies. In fact, lots of gardens refuse access to doggies, including most National Trust ones. What do they think we will do? HM The Queen is much more accommodating, of course, and the Crown Estate has recently agreed a sort of Geneva convention for dogs wanting to visit their gardens which is sensibly dog-friendly. If it’s good enough for the Queen…

FridayHaving spent all year getting it ready and worrying if the rain would crush his delicate blooms, Thomas Blaikie opened his own garden in Arlington Avenue, Islington, and, as always, it was mobbed. Not by me, of course, I was left at home while visitors queued to look round what the NGS booklet described as ‘a combination of classic and unusual plants and shrubs... much to interest the plant-lover.’ As a fightback, I have decided to open my own ‘table-top’ garden. I only have a few pots but they’re placed at waist height alongside me, so no bending needed for viewing. I think it might catch on…

Housekeeper to HeadmasterWe have an opportunity for an experienced live-out housekeeper. You will provide a cleaning and hospitality service for the Headmaster and his guests and help to ensure the household runs efficiently. [...]