12 Activities (To Kill Time on the Can)

If you’re like us, your employer foolishly pays you for the entire time you’re at work, regardless of what you’re doing. Or perhaps you’re a less-than-dedicated parent and you enjoy taking breaks from your children at any opportunity. Whatever your reason for spending hours of your day on the porcelain throne, you know that it can get dull in there after a while. Luckily we’ve compiled a list of multitasking ways to make better use of your time.

12.

Japanese Paper Folding is Pretty Legit

And your guests will love it!

While you don’t have to keep it on the roll, there are thousands of things you can create with only paper and patience. Many origami designs even start with square pieces of paper, so you’re basically ahead of the game already.

11.

Expand Your Mind

It’s like the bible, but for people with loose stools.

The classic. Many people would find themselves at a loss without some form of reading material while dropping the kids off at the pool. There are hundreds of general interest “Bathroom Readers” that are popular. You also can’t go wrong with your favorite magazine. However, we recommend something a little heavier for the occasion. Try keeping a copy of one of those revered books that everyone says you should read but you’ve never got around to it (1984, The Great Gatsby, hell, even a Shakespearean play) under the sink. By making sure you’re a captive audience, it’ll help you get into the story.

10.

Practice Your Piloting Skills

Yeah, you’re going to need to do some manoeuvring for this one. Take your pants completely off. Sit backwards on the toilet. Take the top off the cistern. But it will all be worth it when you’re the captain of the SS Toilettank.

9.

Putting Challenge

Probably not the kind of male modelling most people want to do.

Maybe you need to work on your short game but you’re short on time to be spending at the links. Evidently, you’re in the very specific demographic that would enjoy the “Potty Putter”. Just try to keep it out of the water hazards.

8.

Break a Mental Sweat

The most rewarding part about giving up on one of these is... well... you know.

There are dozens of different toilet paper related puzzles: crosswords, mazes, jumbles, word games, brain teasers... you name it, you can wipe with it.

7.

Improve Yourself

Probably shouldn’t say the words out loud if you’re in a public restroom.

There are a lot of different things that you could learn to improve yourself, but who has the time? Why not reduce something daunting, like learning a new language, into bite-size pieces for easier absorption? All you need is a stack of flash cards.

6.

Squat and Surf

Very clever, sign.

A favorite around the office. You love browsing the internet, but you probably feel guilty wasting time. No more! And with the invention of cell phones and tablets with net capability, one of life’s greatest pleasures has never been so easy. Bonus tip: hang your bag on the coat hook on the stall door so you can easily put your device away when it’s time to go.

5.

Portable Video Games

Hell yes. For those of you lucky enough to own a PSP, Nintendo DS, Gameboy or even an old GameGear, you no doubt know the glory of the gaming deuce. For those who never realized this unexpected perk of the portable gaming system, we expect you’re no longer reading this sentence because you’re already on your way to the store. Godspeed.

4.

Watch Your Favorite Program

If we fit a fridge in here, there’ll never be a reason to leave.

This isn’t for everyone, but a television in the can is a life changing purchase. There are televisions specifically designed to go into your wall, others that become mirrors when turned off and still others that are “fog free” and waterproof. But we’re not all millionaires here. The point is, if you have an old CRT television set that not even pawn shops are willing to buy for twenty bucks, it’s pretty clear where that bad boy is going now.

3.

Not So Portable Video Games

Some people are just that dedicated.

Got that old CRT in your bathroom now? What are you doing with your old GameCube?

2.

Rock Out to Some Tunes

Call Stockholm, we gotta inform the Nobel committee.

Maybe you don’t want to read on the toilet, but you would like someone to read to you (and nobody has responded to your Craigslist advertisements). Or maybe you just feel more at ease if you listen to nature sounds “during”. Whatever your freaky reasoning, a toilet paper holder merged with an MP3 player dock and speakers is a fantastic idea.

1.

Keep Up With the News

Poor people can suck it. I’m using the latest technology to enhance my wiping experience.

Not much else to say. Using the RSStroom Reader, you can print RSS feeds as they update, giving you the latest headlines of your choice. That’s something we can get behind.