You don’t focus on what you DON’T have you celebrate what you DO

Yesterday I watched a deeply moving and beautifully filmed advert (yes an advert!) for an American energy drink of all things.

Adverts have certainly changed over the years.

It’s about a top ladies basketball player from the U.S.A called Elena Delle Donne and the intense bond that she has with her special needs sister who cannot see or hear and has various other health issues and learning difficulties.

It is such a beautiful and moving film showing how they deeply communicate and bond through touch and other senses.

The basketball player speaks about how the simplicity of feeling the wind against your face becomes something so profoundly beautiful when you imagine not being able to see or hear.

It fills her sister with “pure joy.”

But there was one line in particular which touched me deeply. It spoke to me so loudly and grounded me in this difficult season I am in.

“You don’t focus on what you don’t have, you celebrate what you do!”

Wow!

How often do we forgot this profound yet simple truth?

How often do we focus on everything that is wrong with our lives and then miss celebrating the wonder of what we do have?

At the moment I am in quite a lot of pain. Sometimes my spinal fluid leak seems to flare up my nerves in my head, down my spine and throughout my body. So that even when ‘lying flat’ (which normally brings great relief) my whole body just feels ‘in pain’.

It’s not helped by the fact that I am trying to write this on my phone whilst lying flat.

Which just seems to exacerbate it.

And yet, when I feel inspired, when I have something to write, I just want to get it out. So that I don’t forget. So that the stirring within me is not lost and the words that are bubbling inside me don’t go flat.

So what do those words from the advert mean to me? In this moment when pain meets a different perspective? When I have to try and see differently than how I feel?

“You don’t focus on what you don’t have, you celebrate what you do!”

There are two opposing perspectives through which I can see my life at the moment.

The first focuses on the disability of this condition and what I DON’T have. Everything I have lost. The uncertainty of the future. The challenges of getting medical treatment. The endurance needed whilst waiting months for hospital appointments. The constant pain, fatigue and limitations.

The second focuses on what I DO have. The blessings of a loving and supportive husband. A roof over our head and food on the table. Of my two beautiful girls being old enough to not need me to do everything for them. The fact my accident didn’t paralyse me or cause lasting serious brain damage. That I can be ‘upright’ more than I used to. That I can see and hear and get to write, listen to and watch things on the wonderful handheld computer that is my smartphone.

Two different ways of seeing. One that can quickly lead to despair. The other that leads to gratefulness.

Both true, both real.

And yet one can lead you to darker ways of thinking. The other to joy and bright memories.

It is so very hard to keep perspective when you are in pain. The more you endure pain, the more strength it takes to stay positive and thankful.

Your body screams at you:

“But this is too hard!

I’ve had enough!

I can’t take this anymore!”

But your heart pulls at you whispering:

“You can STILL love,

You STILL have purpose,

You WILL have better days,

Things CAN get better.”

When I take my eyes off what I don’t have and move my gaze to what I do, it transforms my thinking. It brings light into dark places. It reminds me that although things are tough, they could be worse.

A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues.~Cicero

There is a verse in the bible that says: “Be thankful in all circumstances,”-1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5:18‬‭

If your life is going well it’s easy to be thankful, but when things don’t go well gratitude is so much harder.This bible verse can then just feel like a kick in the shins.

“It’s alright for them with their happy, easy life (like we really know what battles others face). If I could just be fully well – THEN I will be thankful.”

And yet, I do believe there is ALWAYS something we can be thankful for. In ALL circumstances. Even when we are hurting and in pain.

I can remember early on in my CSF leak journey, when I still thought I had Post-Concussion Syndrome and was literally stuck lying down in a dark and quite room, I couldn’t even look at my phone screen or listen to music. One day I was feeling really fed up and self pity was knocking on my door persistently and wouldn’t leave me alone.

I had some pistachio nuts to eat that day, the ones that you have to remove the shell. And I decided in a bid to deal with my self pity, I would think of something to be thankful for as I opened each and every nut.

Something so simple really did change my perspective at that time.

It’s amazing the number of things we can be thankful for when we are disciplined to remember them.

It’s not always easy. Each and every day there is some point when my thinking can start falling into ‘woe is me with all my burdens and pain.’ Pain screams despair at you. When it’s particularly bad you wonder if you will ever make it through another day.

And yet I do make it through those days and those dark hours. And then I stumble upon videos like the one above and the words jump into my heart reminding me:

“You don’t focus on what you don’t have, you celebrate what you do!”

And yet again I find that I have to dig deep to find the gratitude and strength to press on and keep fighting another day.

We then find that we are perhaps stronger than we think. Gratitude gives fuel for the fight. It grounds us in a better perspective. And reminds us that although things are not necessarily going well – there’s STILL so much to celebrate in THIS moment.

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity…it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”– Melody Beattie

8 thoughts on “You don’t focus on what you DON’T have you celebrate what you DO”

Dear Becky,
Thank you so much for your blog! I am incredibly thankful for you taking the time and energy you have to share your struggles and journey. My CSF leak story started in Feb 2015. I am a believer in Christ and do not know how I would survive this horrible condition without him. I’m sorry we share this condition but encouraged by your words of hope.
In His grip, Melanie

Thank you so much Melanie for your kind and encouraging words. It’s comments like yours that help me to keep writing and keep enduring through this challenging CSF leak road!! We have nearly the same ‘leak birthday’ mine was Jan 2015 and I just cannot believe that I am still here!!! However writing and connecting with others in the midst of it brings purpose within the pain and helps me feel more ‘alive’ on difficult days. Sending you much love xxx

Yes, we do have almost the same leak birthday!! I have a spontaneous leak that cannot be found. Dr. Schevienk and Dr. Gray have both treated me but nothing has been effective. Now I am learning to manage my symptoms and life a lot like you. I hate you are living like this too but there is comfort knowing someone else “gets it”. My fervent prayers are with you and your family. XOXO, Melanie

I am so sorry to hear that your treatment has not worked. I am still hoping and praying that we have a lot left to try. And I hope for us all moving forward that new treatments will be found. I am also learning to appreciate what I Do have rather than get frustrated with what I Don’t!! This quote really spoke to me recently…. “Occasionally weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have.” – John Piper
sending love, prayers, support and empathy! Xxx

Thanks Becky. It’s wonderful that you are so positive. I have been leaking for over a year and it is hard to keep on when the pain overwhelmes. Thank you for your blog. I am a believer in Christ and I pray for your healing and all the other sufferers with this condition x

Thank you so much Linda. I don’t always feel this positive. I have many bad days and hours. In fact the evening after writing most of this post I just felt so awful and in pain that I really struggled to receive the words I had written that morning. Pain & endurance are so hard. But I am so thankful for the strength that comes through my faith. Not sure how I could keep picking myself up without it! Sending much love xxx