My Pity Party Prescription: Makeup To Make You Forget About Your Bunk Intestines

So, I don’t know about you, but last week I had a small mental breakdown. My poor parents got the brunt of it down the phone while I sobbed and tried to catch my breath. The restrictive diet I wrote about a while back had been boring me to tears, and while I had improved healthwise since doing it, I thought I could re-introduce some foods. There’s only so much chicken a girl can eat you know, and I LOVE chicken. I was WRONG. Half a brown bread sandwich and a can of fizzy orange later, I left my office bent double and trailing snot and tears all the way to the train station.

The agony of the cramps combined with the fear that I’d never be able to eat like a normal human being again rendered me bed bound, with a swollen face from crying hot fat tears onto my computer screen while I researched the likely options available to me. Surgery? No thanks. Ileostomy? The very word alone leaves me nauseous.

A visit to the doctor saw me packed off with a hefty dose of codeine, which I am fucking LOVING, FYI, and a referral to the specialists at the hospital along with a visit to a dietician. Finally, I see some hope on the horizon, and my future isn’t scaring me as much.

So, following this small to medium-sized interruption in my usual mental balance, I did what all terrified patients do in the time of a crisis. I bought myself a ton of cosmetics! What else to do while a prescription is being filled out? It would have been stupid not to.

This topcoat had been in my peripheral for a while, for as much as I love myself a shiny, Seche Vite mani, sometimes you need a change up. This genius little bottle of wonderousness transforms any polish to a suede, matte finish. Tres chic, and so sexy and autumnal. One slick of this over my current favorite -– Essie’s Dive Bar, made me forget all about how much I hated my intestines. It’s something you NEED for this season.

Now, I never usually splurge this much on a lippy. I’m a MAC girl through and through. But there is something undeniably cheering about the famous interlocked C logo, on sleek black packaging, and the engraved CHANEL on the lipstick bullet. It’s all in the details! The newly launched Rouge Allure range comes in 16 universally flattering shades, and I had a really tough time choosing, they’re all THAT lovely. I plumped for Seduisante, a medium warm pink. The coverage is luminous and not drying AT ALL, and stays on for hours, no touchups required.

I’ve been cultivating a pretty hard lady boner over the Louise Gray for Topshop range since it launched last month. The fantastical, whimsical packaging is a real makeup bag brightener and I couldn’t resist the long wear liquid eyeliner in Intensify, a bright cobalt blue. I’ve been using it to draw on my trademark flicks and not only does it not budge, it makes me heart do a happy dance when I look at it. Blue eyeliner is having a comeback! At least on my face, it is!

Crying all over yourself and rubbing your nose and face with your old toy dog can leave anyone’s skin feeling ravaged, and mine was no exception. I thought I’d treat myself to a posh cleanser that is soft and kind to my skin. This has been a lifesaver; I’ve been buffing the creamy liquid onto dry skin and then using a cloth dabbed with hot water to gently rub it away. It’s proved magical on my cried-on face and left me feeling clean and ready to apply all my new slap onto a fresh canvas.

Cosmetics are sometimes a real ray of sunshine when things get a little dark. Do you cheer yourself up with a little retail therapy? Have you tried out some new products that you now just can’t get enough of? Comment, you lovely things!

Natalie’s on Twitter pretending the breakdown never happened -- @Natalie_KateM