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Age matters when your partner is too young: Ellie

I’m 39, charismatic, and established in an exceptionally rewarding professional career. I interact routinely with the “who’s who” of Fortune 500 executives.

My current girlfriend’s exceptionally attractive, in her last year of high school. She’s 17. I’ve been dating her since she was 16.

Despite our wide age gap, we share many common grounds — i.e. we enjoy nightlife excursions, going out dancing, dining, and our mutual penchant for fashion.

Yes, we’ve been intimate exclusively to one another (she’s only been intimate with me). We also agree on future prospects such as marriage, although her parents are unaware of our courtship. I’m a youthful person who’s always been attracted to young women, not necessarily because of cosmetic and physical attributes, but more due to our interest for youthful activities.

For our corporate New Year’s Party, would it be wise to take her, given that it might cause some gossip mongering? She doesn’t have to disclose her age and she doesn’t consume any alcohol.

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Several executives are married to much younger women, but I don’t intend to brandish her as “arm-candy.” I just want to attend the party with the love of my life.

Party Dilemma

Admitting that you’ve kept your relationship from her parents, shows that both you and this teenager know what you’re doing is “exceptionally” inappropriate, and deceitful.

Your “youthfulness” is no excuse. It’s her lack of life experience and your far greater power, that amount to your taking advantage of her. And, damaging her relationship with her parents.

A 15-year-old would enjoy nightlife and dancing too, but consensual sex is illegal in Canada with someone five-plus years older, until 16. The legal age varies in American states between 16 and 18 so don’t take her to Florida, California, etc. where you can be charged. Do not take her to the party.

A 22-year gap works when both are mature and experienced to make the choice. But can you handle equal status with a grown woman?

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My partner of five years and I have two children. I caught him in years of lies about drugs.

He agreed to stop, but I smelled it outside, found ash and butts. He denies and accuses me of paranoia and low self-esteem. He makes me livid. He said he wasn’t sure why he was still with someone whose paranoia won’t let her trust. He doesn’t include me in social gatherings lest they reveal his drug use. When we’re both invited to a wedding, he gets vomiting drunk and ditches me.

He does no house work, minimal yard work; I do it all while watching the kids and working part time.

Time to Go?

With two youngsters, the “time to go” is after a real effort’s been made to handle the problems, beyond his denials and your frustration. There’s been no honest discussion or counselling.

Talk to a lawyer so that you know what “going” means — e.g. joint custody issues and a financial split. Tell him. If, for the sake of keeping the family intact, you both try some solutions, it may work.

However, you both need to know whether he has a mild marijuana habit (and whether you can tolerate that), or is drug and alcohol addicted, as you indicate. The latter will cause further angry confrontations and a dangerous environment for your children. If he won’t accept making changes, get professional help with separating.

TIP OF THE DAY

Age gaps matter if one partner’s too young to make a responsible choice.

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