Monday, August 3, 2015

Six years ago, right now, (9pm ish) I was sitting by the river in a pub garden, with a fair few mates, who were carefully and cautiously watching me get accidentally drunk. Accidentally, because I had 3 pints on a stomach that hadn't seen a proper meal in weeks. Drunk, because it was worth a try. Nothing else was taking the pain away. Drinking because that's what you do at a wake.

Earlier today, six years ago, we held Rich's Celebrations. They were a proper celebration of the man and the life and the love. There were terminally weird bits, but they were bits I had nothing to do with, like his picture. The music, the order of service, everything else, was brilliant.

The RAF were fabulous. The bearer party were superbly turned out and I felt for them because it's not a nice job. They were all men he worked with, and afterwards, when Sam had given up and just wanted to be carried, I took him to say thank-you to them. He asked why, and I told him that it was the right thing to do.

We all chatted, and had a bit of a joke about how Rich hadn't eaten much of what turned out to be his last dinner with us because they'd all gone for McD's on the way back from somewhere. I predicted what he'd had, and we laughed that I had it right. Later on I was accused of being insensitive and uncaring, for laughing at his Celebrations, but I was CELEBRATING! I wanted Sam to know that death was grim and painful, but life was beautiful and amazing and should be laughed about and death should be laughed at.

I spent the day with my family, with friends, with his mates, with people who knew and cared and loved one or both of us. I spent the evening in the same way.

That night, my friend and her husband brought me home. We chatted and had a brew. Then they left.

Sam was at his father's place. My parents had gone home with each other. My friends had gone home with their partners. Suddenly I was the only person in the world.

Even the cat was out.

I cried.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so don't mock the spelling and I'll be back later to sort the layout!

Just so you know.....

I'm from England - so some of the words I use are different to some of the American words. If you're stuck or confused, just leave a comment and ask!

A little translation -

AC - my Adorable Child, boy, age 12.J - my wonderful fiancé, who has hugged my broken heart back into one piece, and loves the AC who loves him back.

T-boy - J's son, age 14.

Rich - my then fiancé who was killed in July '09BG - Beautiful Girl, Rich's daughter and my stepdaughter, who never saw her father again after her mother chose to take her away to the States at 3 years old in '05.She-Ex - BG's mother. R's ex.He-Ex - the ACs father. My ex.

Frank, Errol and Kevin are cats.

Anyone else I'll add as I come across them, or leave me a comment and I'll explain!