Disclaimer

This website is intended only for the reading enjoyment of the intended viewer.
It is not intended for those with low self-esteem, no sense of humor, irrational religious/political beliefs, or a fanatical adoration for hampsters.
If you are not the intended viewer, do not look at the website and immediately return the entire website to the sender.
This website does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of my company, my internet provider, the telephone company, the power company, the computer manufacturer, my family, my hedgehog, myself, or Joseph C. Fricke of Manitowoc, Wisconsin.
All information is copyrighted, including mine.
All city, state, federal, international, and intergalactic copyright laws apply with the exception of the DMCA (because it sucks).
This website may not be used for business or profit without the expressed written consent of a member of an intelligent race from a planet other than Earth.
(The author would like to appologize for the redundancy of "intelligent race" and "from a planet other than Earth".)
All information on this website is solely original with the exception of all Latin based letters and the English words they form.
Contrary to repeated social media posts, there are no pictures of nude hampsters on this website.
If swallowed, induce vomitting.
This page is not marked for resale.
Offer good until December 14, 2017.
Access to this website may be prohibited in the following areas: North Korea, China, Iran, Burma, Cuba, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Turkmenistan, Vietnam, Uzbekistan, Florida, and Kentucky.
Now 10% bigger.
Side effects caused by this website are clearly listed in section 45.A.23-4 of form SE-345 in folder 182.K.2 of the BSHS file found in room B13 on the bottom floor of the W3C office building.
At least that's where the author left it.
The author is not responsible for damages incurred while viewing this website, including but not limited to, blindness, suffocation, unexpected ejaculations, absquatulation of common sense, earthquakes, hurricanes, volcanic explosions, IRS audits, and sudden desires to consume Taco Bell burritos.
Yes, absquatulation is a word.
This website has not been proven to be linked to any disasters such as church burnings, plane crashes, civil wars, Microsoft products, forest burnings, plagues, or movies featuring someone from the starring cast of Friends.
The author does not imply that the movie Outbreak was a disaster, even though it starred the monkey from Friends.
Well get your dictionary and look up absquatulation if you don't believe this disclaimer.
This website is not a toy.
Do not over-inflate.
Humor may settle during shipment.
Contains yellow #5.
No salt, no MSG, no preservatives, no artificial humor.
This page was contructed in an environment where peanuts and other nut products may have been handled.
This website is constructed of 100% recycled electrons and other sub-atomic particles.
In case of emergency, put your head between your legs and try not to fart.
This website is ribbed for your pleasure.
Four out of five dentists agree that this web page has nothing to do with their plot to murder the fifth dentist.
This will be recorded in your permanent record.
No animals were harmed in the making of this website.
The hampsters were killed for an entirely different purpose.
Remember to blink.
This website does not spread the rumor that Bill Gates got the name MicroSoft from his wife's nickname for his penis.
This website contains material of some nature, suitable for viewing by most ages.
By viewing this website, you affirm that you are an adult of no more that 21 years of age or a child of at least 21 years of age.
This website is best viewed with a web browser.
This website has been clinically proven to regrow hair, but not necessarily where you want it.
Now 99% David Hasselhoff free.
A hampster is not a hamster.
Nine out of ten experts agree.
The tenth one was shot and dragged to a park to make it look like an accident.
42.
Your personal credit card information stored by your computer accounting program was not just copied to a batch file for future veiwing by the author.
This website has received every imaginable award for internet excellence.
This website contains a few blatant lies.
This website is an equal opportunity displayer and does not discriminate viewers based on race, sex, religion, national origin, color, disability, citizenship, veteran status, sexual preference, hair color, penis or breast size, intelligence, income, height, or weight.
All discrimination is based solely on musical taste.
This website is not under construction, it is purposely unfinished.
Buy sixteen, get five free.
All complaints should be directed to The Vice President of the United States with a $3 donation to his campaign fund (add another $300 thousand if you want to sleep in the Lincoln bedroom).
My sister was bitten by a hampster once.
All your base are belong to us.
Void where prohibited.
Objects on screen may appear larger than actual size.
Do not try this at home.
L33+ B4 n008z.
This website is being written by a professional.
Do not put head or hands through your monitor's screen.
The author is not typing this specific sentence of this disclaimer in the nude.
For best results, read with eyes open.
This website is not a part of an elaborate conspiracy to start a New World Order and form a world socialism, clone Douglas Adams (RIP), and appoint him as the leader of the Tactical Opponent Forceful Extraction Military Team.
Do not read this page out loud in a public library.
Hampster bites can be rather nasty.
Unleaded only.
This website is guaranteed not to offend anyone who is clinically proven to be dead, except Elvis.
The author is not responsible for the viewer's lack of constructive time.
Contents should be viewed before September 6, 1969 for optimum freshness.
This website is free of any mispelled words with the exception of unnoticed typos.
This website is not based on any real person, living or deceased.
Any similarities with any real person are by pure chance.
Open from other end.