The THREE ACT SPEAKEASY is here for you to vent, to express, and to learn. This is your chance to perform -- but you're also in the audience, guv, and are expected to behave as such. So your skits at the steely Whitechapel microphone will ALL and ALWAYS be divided into three sections:

2: The Huzzah. Wherein you tell us something which goes just a teensy way to mitigating the effects of the psychic turd you just laid on our heads. Perhaps it's a tiny hint of hope in an otherwise bleak situation. Perhaps it's an unrelated Thing Which Happened which made you smile rather than frown. Shit, maybe it's just a silly joke. Show us you can cope as well as carp.

3: The Applause. You will choose one of your fellow whitechapellers, from this same thread. Doesn't have to be the person who posted before you - just someone whose story touched you. And you will offer them a word of advice, or comfort, or support, to help them with their own SECTION 1 Whinge. Doesn't have to be much. A sentence, a word, a bloody emoticon - whatever. Just a paltry donation to the art of Thinking Of Others. And try to avoid schmaltz, please, or the Urethral Maggots will feast anew. Circle of life, kids.

1. GAH to co-workers who take more energy to work with than anyone ought to require. I don't care what anyone thinks of my personal music taste - there is a difference between what I like and what is appropriate background sound for a retail store. Grow the fuck up, you fucking moron. Also, my friend is having a bad medication day and i hope for him well.

2. I have discovered that standing up in front of bunches of people and talking at them is The Most Fun Ever. I am totally going to have to get better at it, and keep doing it forever. I love my job. Even the people who don't get that walking into an independently owned bookstore and talking about how Amazon has books for cheaper (ever hear of a "loss leader", folks?) is really really rude. Even the people who buy 50 Shades. Even the ones who ask for "that new book." I need to find a better apartment and I could stand to make about 200 more a month, but that all seems pretty easy compared to being miserable and miserable. And, hey - instead of spending money, i get to read books and write letters. This is a good.

Also, tomorrow it is my birthday. I am not dead. And I am loved, and I love in return. It is enough.

3. Warm hugs to all who feel the want for them - there are far larger and more destructive challenges out there than the co-worker who just can't wait for the door to get locked before running the damn stupid vacuum cleaner.

1. Doin' pretty good.2. Summer semester will be rough, going to lose a lot of free time to the calculus, but it will pay off when I can get a new, better, non-hateful, job.3. Hey Wax, I know the feeling, but I'm glad you are happy/comfortable speaking in front of people, I enjoy that too. Everyone else from the cannon. I hug you all.

The Boo: I have to do my tax form. I hope I can find as many rebates as I can because I'll probably have tax to pay, as usual.The Hurrah: I sent off the manuscript for my first novel to the assessors! In eight weeks or so I shall find out how publishable it is and how publishable I need to make it. I must say I am nervous about what they'll say. And I've finally worked out what I want to do for the Danny's Iron Fish challenge.The Applause: I really empathise with you, WaxPoetic, because I go to Toastmasters speechcraft club. One of the best skills I learned there was learning the art of speaking impromptu. This has been really useful for job interviews and real occasions where I was asked to speak on the spot.

boop: i am officially one year older and not really that much wiser, not much better at anything. i really thought I'd "have my life together" by now! it's a tragedy, it's a comedy.huzzar: i am moving to a better place! things are going to be better! excitement! also i am utterly shocked to find some people respect my opinion.applaurd: remember that even the evil taxes are going to make your world a better place and pay for roads & schools for timid childern and such. also good luck on the manuscript!

The Chiari Institute. I emailed as asked for an explanation as to why they wanted to see me when I sent them my records years ago, and now they did not. I also asked if I could get some kind of second look. They agreed. That was about two weeks ago? Yesterday I got a voicemail. The lady said they looked over my files again, and while they HAD wanted me to come in and see their neurologist, due to the "new protocol" they didn't think they could "offer me any relief" or something like that. The woman sounded sad, and added at the end "I hope this helps."

So, that narrows the possibilities to rare and terrible things. Pituitary tumor perhaps, as was hinted at in previous brain MRI reports stating "Prominent hyperintensity in the posterior pituitary is noted on the T1 weighted images; this is nonspecific with differential including prominent normal neurohypophysis, hemorrhagic adenoma, Rathke's cleft cyst, etc."

Also, nobody seems interested in my paintings.

Happy day!

As I was in a state of distress and decided to give up not smoking, the fellow at the bodega gave me a cigarette last night when I was too poor to buy a pack. Now I'm glad.

I have apartment-sitting and photography as means for some minor income this month, and that's much needed.

I seem to have a social life that exists in walkable distance, and that's amazing. I've been more social these past few weeks than I have been in a very long time. I'm enjoying it.

I am painting and drawing, as I have indeed decided that instead of "health diagnosis" as being my primary focus in life, I'd shove that to the side and replace it with "making art stuff." I'm kind of hating it and miserable at the moment, since I'm only using my left hand and really terribly out of practice (and egad, do i hate acrylics), but... I'm making stuff!

clap clap clap

@Dorkmuffin - I want that kind of hug. For real.@Fauxhammer - Buy yerself a TENS unit. They are the best.

Good:Therapist is adding her weight to my request for a service dog; so there is progress on that topic. Medication hasn't kicked in yet exactly; but the side effects so far have been to the beneficial side, other than it making everything taste like crap. I'm getting more hours in at work, and edging towards dipping my feet back into arts & writing.

Bad:Meds have not kicked in as far as helping fight the depression yet. Supposedly this is the week I should start feeling something. I am impatient.

Applesauce:@Rach-Give the paintings time, maybe? Sometimes it takes a while to find a piece of art it's forever home.@Waxpoetic-Your co-worker problems remind me of stuff I've had to deal with over the years. Hopefully yours at least have a sense of how loud music should/shouldn't be. :) Happy Birthday.

NOT REALLY YAY OR BOO JUST CONFUSED:-Said show I got back from had me in a room w/ the 4 front men in this city I totally have a thing for (this includes the fella). It wasn't so much awkward, and it wasn't the greatest thing ever (despite two of them actually putting their hands on me in completely non-sexual ways {the two of them do not include the fella})... I just really like lead singers, you know? I still kinda get all Beatlemania in my head for cute guys who sing, even though I live w/ one. I needed to get this out of my head, 'cause I sure as hell can't talk to the fella about it. He gets jealous. A lot.

BOO BOO BOO:-I weigh over 210 lbs. That's more than I weighed before my failed attempt at Weight Watchers. Been thinking about psyching myself up to try to lose the weight again, but it's difficult. Being in pain all the time... you'd think that'd be incentive enough. But it just isn't. I want to feel good; looking good isn't something I always care about, but that would be nice, too.

WHAT WHAT YA'LL:-Happy birthday to Wax and Frowardd. -Dorkmuffin: that .gif made me a little verklempt. Thank you, seriously.-Rachael: Yes! Art! And other happy things! I really do get excited when I see you post good things; I wish I could will more into your life.

Been fighting lethargy this week. I had three days in the office, largely free of meetings, but didn't get nearly as much done as I'd wanted to. No concentration at all, just flitting backwards and forwards between e-mails and spreadsheets and bits of paper and shiny things out of the window, all in all not very productive at all. All procrastination and no work makes Jonny an extremely irritable bastard, so I pity all the people who have had to put up with me this week.

My jackdaw gene has come into play as well, I keep making lists of things to buy which isn't a good idea. Actually, it's possibly a better idea than just going and buying them, because at least making a list shows me how much of a dickhead I'm being – spreadsheet I created shows that all the things that I'd quite like to go out and buy at the moment total 18 thousand pounds, which obviously I don't have.

What I do have to do, is get the leaky conservatory fixed, and get my car mended – new headlight and sidelight, boot spring fixed, coolant leak, dodgy alarm, huge dent in backdoor. Decided I wanted the thing to last me another two years as I just paid one damn loan off and do not want another one.

The huzzah:

It's the God damn weekend. I know it was only a short week in the UK thanks to the Queens insanity fest, but it bloody well felt longer. Tomorrow I want to go and sort out more bits of the garden, I've got a bunch of healthy looking courgette plants that I need to do something with, and I still got a bunch of pots that I want to put flowers in – given that it's June already. I may have to go and buy bedding plants to go in them, as is feeling a bit late now to grow stuff from seed. Weather here is absolutely bloody awful though, which isn't very inspiring.

Partner still healthy, but getting large, grumpy and uncomfortable. Getting to the stage in which should probably start telling people about the baby, have been too scared to so far in case something goes wrong.

Trying to offset my jackdaw tendencies by fixing old things rather than buying new ones, have ordered new battery for my old MP3 player, which reduces the temptation to buy another one.

Applause:

Happy birthday to wax poetic and frowardd...

@Roo - hope the meds start working for you soon, good luck with the dog@Rachael -you're sounding a bit more positive, which is nice to see, hope you manage to get over the frustration and start making art and drawings again@Britannica - I've been struggling to keep my weight down, it's so damn easy to fall into bad habits again. If you've done it before though, you know it's possible - guess it's a question of trying to get back into that frame of mind that allowed you to do it.

The past two days have been shit, and I do know where to begin: bad dreams (worse than usual), insomniac-behavior, waking up late-and-ill, stupid *&£"*!+ neighbors letting in a dangerous dealer into my block..."it" was banging on my door, opening up my letterbox (I've got a pillowcase tacked over it so these people can't see in), impatiently talking loud outside my flat, saying, "Why do you never answer the door?"

I hate being a coward, but if I'd opened the door bad stuff could have happened; these guys are evil, and I was scared. So I hid, in my own fucking home! I managed to get out about a hour latter and go to a meeting, which helped calm me down a bit. The vile weather (it was, and is, bad), meant I couldn't go for a breather in a park and get some fucking peace.

This Frankenstein-world I live in, it's getting to me; I created the gruel, so it's my fight to escape it all.

I feel like I've ingested some disgusting toxin at the moment, like I'm on a mercury-drip. Mental illness in the form of technology, wire, blood and faeces.

Hope:

It's perverse, because It's not going to be a holiday, but I'm looking forward to going into hospital and rehab. I dunno, maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.

Survival:

@all of you: If you are trying your best to live your life with dignity and respect, then I admire you all.

Uhhhhh: Tried to modify the POS we use at work. Now the main terminal won't load the POS. At all. Spent three hours after my shift working on it. Nothing. Gotta sleep four hours and go back tomorrow morning before we open for brunch to attempt it again, even though I haven't a fucking clue what went wrong. Might get fired. (Yes my employers are that unreasonable.) Also had to cancel out on doing some volunteer stuff for the magazine I help out with, which I feel pretty awful about. Then again, I kinda got suckered into the job in the first place (needed a licensed driver; then the usual driver was able to help out, so I would've just been a sidekick anyways). This week is generally going to be hell. We (the two front-of-house staff) are training three new people, which will be a shitshow, and my incompetent boss is dropping balls all over the place (which is why I was trying to modify the POS in the first place) and being a drugged-out waste of flesh, and I'm really super sick of talking to my coworkers about how quickly we'd turn this place around if only we had a chance etc blah yadda. (Kinda feel like this whenever I think about my job.)

Mmmmm:Had two job interviews today. One was with somebody I met a few weeks ago (as a customer at my current place). That may result in a call back. The other was another one of those "seems like they like me, but they probably pretend to like everyone" things. Also put in my student loan application. Will also apply for a private line of credit, but hopefully I won't need it. Dropped the ball on some scholarships, but I'm gonna focus more on those as soon as this week from hell is over.I am crazy financially solvent. Like, crazy. I'm actually freaking out about how well-off I am, just from this shitty 30-hour-a-week job. Though tips over the last two days have been pretty crummy. I'll be happy to leave, but also a few new employees have been fun to hang out with, so it'll be weird to walk off when I finally have someone worth talking to. My relationship is also reaching some next-level shit. This may spell extra doom with the upcoming LDR, but I may just throw in the towel and ask him to move with me. I know I said over and over I didn't want it, but ... maybe I do, kinda.

Applesauce: Tempting just to repost Caroline's gif. Man that's awesome. How many of us are just copping out on the applesauce by giving out vague generalized support to everyone, these days?

The ugly:Still healing from a fall I took over a month ago, slipped a wet metal plate, hit the sidewalk doing a front split and hyper-extended my knee in the process. Bruising is pretty much gone. Doesn't hurt for the most part. Still can't run, going down stairs are a pain and I still have pain in my right hip that keeps me from walking normally after a short distance. Unfortunately, the wife and I are marginally employed occasionally in my case or unemployed in hers so no friggin' insurance for us. I've screwed up this leg a couple of times before now and I'm starting to wonder if I actually did permanent damage to it.The better:My mostly unemployed status has given me time to get a novel written that I'm doing the final edits on before I format it and kick it out on Amazon. I've already kicking around the next one.Applesauce:@Frowardd: Happy birthday, and I'm with you on the getting older but not feeling wiser and better. And do what I do about not having my life 'completely together' blame the economy. @Rachæl: Sorry you couldn't get help and hopefully someone can get back to you with something a bit more concrete. And when I get some money that doesn't have to go to keeping us fed and housed or pay some random bill that keeps finding me; I'll buy some art from you.

@Rachæl Sad that your paintings didn't sell. I really liked that one with the grey lady, where it was just her legs and behind. It was nicely composed. If I weren't so very poor, I might've snagged it. But alas, I am very very poor. I hope you can sell them for more at some point regardless. And I hope that your decision on what is most important leads to some great stuff being produced.

@Fishelle, ugh, I'm so sorry. That's awful. Please hang tight.@JPCarpenter, FIGHT OFF THE LETHARGY! DON'T GO QUIETLY! @Allana, that SUCKS about the POS (... please notice that it is also an acronym for "piece of shit"). Good luck!!!@Rachael, give the paintings some time. Rootfiremember is totally right on that front.

I feel like this one is especially important:@Britt, i know this is not the most helpful advice, but whatever you need to do to feel better, do it. Fuck anyone and anything that makes you feel shitty about yourself. This especially includes nagging voices in your head.

I know that figuring out ways to feel happier is a lot harder than it sounds. I can totally sympathize. And frequently, it's hard to muster up the energy to do things like that. But figure out small goals for yourself at first and try to do those. Make lists and cross shit off.

With regards to appearance that doesn't always mean making healthier choices with regards to exercise and diet, but that shit can go a long way. Find ways to treat yourself well (TREAT YO' SELF). Make simple hygiene goals. Take long showers. Cook really healthy meals. Take vitamins. I know this is all really basic stuff, but it's something I don't take for granted.

You deserve happiness and you deserve to feel good about yourself. We all think pretty highly of you. I only hope you can see that and find ways to remind yourself of it when you feel shitty.

Tonight is my 10 year High School reunion, well, at least the one we made for ourselves. We all went to a satellite school the last two years of high school so we were generally ignored when it came time for the real reunions. So we made our own called "Reunion of the Nerds" on Facebook and invited all the folks that were left out. It should be awesome. Two of the couples that are coming started dating in HS and got married soon after. It should be interesting, to poke at balding heads and guts and laugh about old times.

THE BOO: My ridiculous level eczema is running rampant once again and this time is laughing at any medications I throw at it. So now it's on to changing my diet and seeing what works. I'm eliminating dairy, which didn't sound too harsh until I realized how much dairy I was actually ingesting on a regular basis. I work part time as a barista, so my intake was probably much higher than the average person's. As of right now, I've had to take some time off from barista work in order to try to get this under control because it only appears on my hands and feet. My whole palm of my left hand is completely fucked. My right hand is not as bad (thank bob, that's my drawing hand), but I'm still babying it. They're basically health code violations just being present at the job, and the bandages I would have to wear to keep them covered aren't cut out for that kind of abuse. Not to mention, my feet are fucked way worse. I can't stand or walk without pain right now. This sucks in general, but next weekend is the Denver Comic Con, and I'd intended to go frolicking about like a happy little geek, but I may be either wheelchair bound (it wouldn't be the first time) or keeping my walking to a minimum. Which would pretty much mean parking myself at my boyfriend's table and not seeing any of the cool stuff all weekend.

THE YAY: Being stuck at home all alone this weekend has made me hella fucking productive. I've been doing a daily sketch project with a friend of mine since the beginning of the year, and I was starting to stress because my hands hurt so badly that I had to skip a day earlier this week. I've more than made up for it in the last couple of days. And it's turning out to be some of the best stuff I've done in ages, so it makes me really happy.

THE FEELS: @ Joe B: I feel you on the no insurance thing. The boss at my barista job has been hassling me for a doctor's note, but I can't afford to pay for a doctor's visit, and the "free" clinic nearby has an 18 month long wait list. Hopefully gainful employment will come both our ways and we can get proper care. Hang in there, man.

...huh. You know, for the first time in a while I don't think I've got anything. Prometheus was a bit plotholey, but to be honest it was like injecting Space Madness into your face so I can forgive the writing. Besides, they're more plotQuestions than plotholes, which will hopefully be remedied by a sequel. I should stop talking about it now before I get into spoiler territory.

Actually I do have a Boo: I went to France the other week, which was great. I ate steak tartare, which was great. I then came down with mild food poisoning, which was fucking awful. I thought they knew how to take care of their raw meat over in France and reduce the risk of poisoning. Rotten fuckers.

The Huzzah:

I bought an utter fucking cuntload of beer over in France, including some Trappist ales on the recommendation of @oldhat's blog. I've now tried Rochefort, Chimay Trippel and Westmalle, all of which were utterly magical in ways that my tiny human brain cannot even comprehend. So cheers to you, @oldhat, and thanks very much for making me aware of such magnificent Aleage. I also started a blog to record my progress as an amateur Chess player, which is for posterity over all other things, but I would certainly love fellow players to come over and offer advice and friendship. It's early days yet though, but in the meantime I love writing and that's all that matters.

The Applause:

Sending positive vibes your way @Rachael, I do hope that your medical woes come to an end one day. If only you could live in England and get all this shit free on the NHS.

@flecky, fuck dangerous dealers. I hope everything goes well in hospital/rehab and you return to us full of your usual vigour and enthusiasm.