Venting over a baby shower

Ok. I just need to get this out there because it's been really frustrating me and I don't want to sound selfish and I think I do.. but.. here's the low down...

I live in Fresno and my family and friends live 5 hours down south. I also have a few family member who live 3 hours up north. I have very very few friends who live in Fresno. Sooo. I wanted to plan my OWN baby shower and throw it early when I was 6 months pregnant instead of having one thrown for me when I'm 8 months pregnant because I want to be able to enjoy it. Also, the fact that I have all my friends and family 5 hours away.. I KNOW that if they plan it.. it's going to be when I'm 8 months pregnant and that I'll HAVE to travel 5 hours to go to MY baby shower. I argued with my mom for a little while and she told me that IF I have my own and have it here in Fresno that her and my dad won't come. She said they'll just send my gifts. I don't know what to do?!?! I really want to have it here in Fresno so that it's more convenient for me.. but do I really have to sacrifice what I want so that my family and friends will be happy?

Maybe I'm being too selfish. I know the right thing to do is have it down south.. but I really want to have it here. What should I do?

Comments (8)

I agree. The purpose of a shower is to give gifts. You can't throw you own "give me gifts" party. Besides, maybe you're not giving your friends and family enough credit. Surely someone in the bunch realizes the travel at 8 months would be difficult for you. I'm sure sooner or later whoever wants to throw this shower will say something to you, asking your opinion on the matter.

Perhaps you should casually mention that travel after 6 months will be very difficult, and as much as you are appreciative that people would like to throw you a shower -- that you would really like to enjoy all of it!

I find that sometimes people without kids, or kids who are older (or grown) forget that travel when you are that pregnant is really difficult, especially with your first when everything is new.

Maybe that will get their minds moving toward the 6 months mark?

I am having to do a similar thing, once we announce, for my family in SC. We live in VA, and we simply cannot travel back and forth constantly. I have a wedding to attend in March, and will be gently "suggesting" that if they would like to throw me a shower, that would be the ideal weekend as I will already be in town ... It's hard because you don't want to dictate, but at the same time I know it will only get more difficult to travel as I progressively get bigger.

I"d be kinda blunt about it. "Hey Mom, if you were going to plan a baby shower for me could you do it around the six month mark rather than the eight month mark? I think the drive will be too hard for me at 8 months pregnant"

i agree with lauren, ask them to throw it early at 6 months so you dont have to travel while being super preggo, that way everyone wins. its kinda the same thing with me and my wedding i want to have it an hour an a half away from all my friends and family but whos actually going to show up for that ya know? even though the day is suppose to be for "you" you still have to make sacrafices.

I actually threw my friend's baby shower for her in HER home. She was seven months pregnant and I knew it would be hard for her to travel. I was about 4 hours away from her. Everyone showed up and participated, but no one mentioned a shower until she was about 5 months along. By then, we knew the sex and everyone had time to make travel arrangements to get there after I announced where it was going to be. Everyone showed becaus they had 2 months to figure it out.

I'd just tell whoever in your family is most likely to plan it or least likely to be offended that you would really appreciate not traveling that far when you are 8-9 months. Ask if you could either have it at 6 months or after the baby. If you want to throw one for yourself, I've known people to throw diaper parties that are co-ed. I don't think that those are as bad since you aren't really asking for presents.

Thank you everyone for your imput. I actually talked to my sister a few days ago regarding the baby shower and she agreed that it would be better to have it early because she knows I won't want to travel that far when I'm 8 months preggo. So.. I'm extremely happy. She's also going to have a baptism the same time so I can be there for it too. I was supposed to be the god-mother... but catholic churchs are being a pain in the butt right now and being preggo so much is going on for me.. that we decided I won't be a god mother. I'm bummed about it, but at least I get to be there for the baptismal. :)