This Week In The Laboratories Of Democracy

Welcome back to our weekly survey of what's goin' down in the several states where, as we know, the real work of governmentin' gets done, and where the riot squads are restless because they need somewhere to go.

We begin in North Carolina, aka The Normal One, where the legislature seems to be playing some serious catch-up ball in an attempt to keep up with Republican-led legislatures elsewhere in the country. Yesterday, we mentioned the fact that some Republican legislators there would just as soon not be encumbered by either the federal courts, or that pesky Establishment Clause of the First Amendment to the Constitution. Well, the hands have been busy in other areas, too. For example, they seem to be fed up with the notion that college students in North Carolina might vote in North Carolina and, worse, thatthey might vote for peopleof whom the Republicans in the legislature do not approve.

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"If the voter is a dependent of the voter's parent or legal guardian, is 18 years of age or older and the voter has registered at an address other than that of the parent or legal guardian, the parent or legal guardian will not be allowed to claim the voter as a dependent for state income tax purposes," the bill says.

The measure would affect only state income tax, so it wouldn't have much effect on out-of-state students. But it could effectively cut student voting in counties like Watauga and Orange, where college voters have been a key part of the Democratic Party's dominance. The bill would also require voters to have their vehicles registered at the same address as their voter registration. That also could cut down on college student registration, since many students maintain their vehicle registration in their home counties. Sponsor Bill Cook, R-Beaufort, didn't immediately respond to inquiries about the intent of the legislation.

I don't think Bill should bother, since the intent of the legislation is fairly clear. No, wait, here he is, and it is a fine load of bushwah he's peddling, too.

"In these tough economic times, we need to be proactive in finding ways to save money. One day of early voting in North Carolina costs $98,000. Our counties bear this cost exclusively. Cutting back early voting from seventeen to ten days does this by saving roughly $686,000 per election. This money would be better used to hire teachers and first responders," Cook said. "We are simply equalizing the playing field for all voters in our state," the statement said.

Objection, Your Honor. Non-responsive. Luckily, another Republican has taken the stand to explain what's going on.

Jay DeLancy of the NC Voter Integrity Project also voiced support for the student voting restrictions, citing a case in which college students in Buncombe County changed the outcome of a race for a county commission seat in 2012. "That race showed how easily college students can be manipulated like pawns," DeLancy said in a press release. "These bills will protect students from such abuse."

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Let me see. Students who vote in such a way as to inconvenience, say, Jay DeLancy are being manipulated and abused. And thus do we fight mind control in Buncombe County.

Get me out of here before I vote for county commissioner again. So we move along now to Alabama, where a famous gun-totin' candidate got a little peckish while prowling the aisles at Sam's Club and,remarkably, comedy ensued.

Sam's Club employees declined my request to get into the details of how Cashew-Gate played out in the store, but we have since learned that [Dale] Peterson grabbed a package of nuts and ate them as he walked around the store, then put them back on the shelf and left without paying. That's when security detained him until the Hoover Police came and got him.

First of all, back on the shelf? I think I speak for the entire class when I say, Ewwwwww. And, as it turns out, this isn't the first slapstick entanglement ol' Dale Peterson's had with the local constabulary.

According to Dale Peterson, in October of last year he was wrongly accused of steeling two cases of beer and as a result was arrested by the Hoover Police Department. This makes his second run-in with HPD in the last six months. When pressed to explain the beer incident, Peterson told Matt Murphy, "I had no intention of stealing. The only intention I had when I crossed that line was to go pee."

Let's move north, in a geographic sense anyway, to Tennessee, where they're trying to make things even tougher for the moochers and the taker because, after all, they're only tryingto help The Kids. But, of course, they're not entirely heartless.

As amended, it would not apply when a child has a handicap or learning disability or when the parent takes steps to try improving the youngster's school performance - such as signing up for a "parenting class," arranging a tutoring program or attending a parent-teacher conference.

You will note the involvement here of one Stacey Campfield, who's becoming something of a regular here in the Labs. He has many interesting viewpoints on many interesting things, and you may want to subscribe to his newsletter.

Then [Stephen] Colbert riffed on an interview Campfield did with TMZ.com, posted a week before. In one segment of that interview, after Campfield offered a graphic explanation of the dangers of sodomy, a TMZ reporter asked: "You are elected, correct? I just need to make sure that's clear, because I can't get my mind past that." That question - who keeps electing Campfield? - has baffled critics inside and out of Tennessee.

Gee, I dunno. Idiots?

They describe Campfield, a native of New York state, with words like "reputable," "man of integrity" and - again and again - "conservative." To many in his base, Campfield's comments about AIDS coming from sex with monkeys and about poor children not trying in school aren't off-putting, they're speaking truth to power. "This is a very conservative area - just look at our delegation," said Jacob Swisher, a club member who runs a Knoxville political consulting firm. "All our state Senate seats are Republican. Republicans have held the congressional seat since Reconstruction. "The area doesn't agree with his style and how he tries to bring issues to the table - you hear that repeatedly - but it is very solidly conservative."

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It's a lonely road, speaking truth to power, but Campfield walks it proudly, and, we must say, entertainingly.

One of his first acts when he joined the General Assembly in 2005 was to attempt to join the Black Caucus. When members gave him a cold shoulder, he compared them to the Ku Klux Klan. In 2009 he was thrown out of a University of Tennessee football game for not removing a wrestling mask when asked by a police officer.

And, of course, the oblivious are a key voting bloc, too. Along with the core support from the true believers, he also wins votes from people who remember his name but aren't sure why. On the UT campus, for example, students generally say they've heard of him, but it takes a minute to remember who he is. "Can I research him and read a couple of things and then talk?" honors student Philip Bent asked. The 20-year-old finance major from Brentwood pulled up Google on his laptop. His demeanor changed from placid to surprised to amused. "I'm surprised, but at the same time, it's stereotypical Tennessee," said Bent, who identifies himself as Republican. "If I didn't live in Tennessee and didn't know a lot of people, I would think Tennesseans thought that way."

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