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The automobile has come a long way in the past century and a quarter, and a common refrain in automotive circles these days is that there simply aren’t any bad cars. Some cars aren’t as good as the competition, but, even at their worst, they’re a far sight better than cars of yesteryear. In some cases, such as this one, the cars in a competitive set have gotten so good that finding and weighing faults becomes nearly academic.

With this group, it wasn’t an easy task. By their nature, convertibles are a compromise, and these are supposed be sporty, luxurious convertibles. Those priorities don’t always play well together, and to make our lives even more difficult, these three cars each take a different approach to balancing the compromise. In the end, each car’s strengths and weaknesses balanced well both within the car and against the other two competitors. We were tempted to simply declare each the best for a certain kind of customer, but this being Motor Trend, there must be a winner.

To me, the new SL is like the best personal assistant or butler. He’s always on time, always there when you need him, always prepared, and always ready to serve. But you don’t (usually) marry your butler. The SL is smooth, powerful, luxurious, and eminently capable. It just doesn’t create an emotional connection. It’s more of a business relationship.

Associate road test editor Carlos Lago agrees. “I don’t love this car, and it’s not for any rational, empirical, or concrete reason. I simply get this clinical feeling; there’s little in the way of emotion,” he wrote.

That’s not to say there weren’t parts of the SL we loved. The twin-turbo, 4.7-liter V-8 made friends easily with its blacktop-twisting 516 lb-ft of torque and thunderous exhaust note. That it could nearly run down the Porsche while weighing 700 pounds more left us shaking our heads. Likewise, we were uniformly impressed with the SL’s ride quality. On top of that, it offered impressive grip and sharper turn-in than did the Porsche. My notes make reference to a “high-performance cloud.”

We were also impressed with the SL’s bag of tricks. The Magic Sky Control roof, which changes from clear to a deep tint at the push of a button, still has us oohing and ahhing. The AirScarf, a vent that blows warm air on the back of your neck, also was a hit. The rest of the seats, with their heaters, coolers, massagers, active bolsters, and more adjustments than I can remember, were a technological tour de force by themselves. The folding hard top, meanwhile, kept the interior so quiet Lago quipped, “I’d believe it was a coupe if you didn’t tell me it was a convertible.”

That roof, though, has some issues. When folded, it takes up a lot of trunk space. More important, as I discovered at a rather short light in Beverly Hills, it won’t work while the car is moving, and it’s not the fastest top in the world. Complaints were also logged regarding the steering, which offered amazingly sharp turn-in but little feedback, and unexpectedly ramped up the ratio the more you turned the wheel. At the track, the razor-sharp throttle made mid-corner adjustments very difficult, and all that torque was all too happy to push the tail out when the nannies were benched. Then there’s the question of the interior design, which was chided as being too “old man” and looking far too much like that of the 50-percent-cheaper SLK-Class.

The SL, then, appeals to the adult in me. It’s mature, comfortable, and capable. It makes a statement, declaring to the world that the driver has money, but isn’t trying to be especially flashy. It’s reserved and competent. I want to put on my Gordon Gekko suspenders and drive (quickly) to an important business meeting, but on the weekends, I’ll be playing with something else.

When I asked for their final rankings, associate online editor Nate Martinez noted the SL was only a step behind the other two, and Lago’s rankings went “First, second, almost second.” The BMW slipped ahead of the Benz by the skin of its teeth.

The BMW’s biggest advantage was its handling. While the SL had a stiffer chassis and softer ride, the BMW was more composed in the corners and more fun to drive. Plenty of automakers fit Sport, Comfort, Eco, etc. modes to their cars’ computers, but BMW is one of the best in clearly differentiating among the modes. In comfort, the BMW’s ride quality was not too far behind the Benz’s. Flick it into Sport or Sport+, and the ride, handling, throttle, and shifting firm up the higher up the scale you go.

Further helping the big Bavarian’s case was its ultra-modern interior. It may not be the most beautiful design in the world, but we appreciated it for taking a chance, unlike the other two, which seemed to be trying a little too hard to channel their heritage. The acres of contrast-stitched leather were a visual treat, as were the full-color head-up display and the intuitive iDrive system, which was agreed to be much better than the old-looking Mercedes COMAND system and Porsche’s endless layers of menus. While the broad leather seats don’t have quite as many adjustments as the Benz’s, they were just as comfortable on a long drive.

What did the BMW in, though, were the fundamentals. First and foremost, the Goodyear Eagle LSA run-flat tires fitted to our tester were horribly under spec for the 650’s power and performance. Aggressive launches, such as pulling onto a busy street, were constantly met with wheelspin and nanny intervention. On the back roads, all testers expressed a disappointing need to leave the car in Sport, not Sport+, because the tires just couldn’t keep up. Then there’s the weight. The BMW is the heaviest car by several hundred pounds, and while its handling helps cover up the extra heft, it’s still noticeable. As Martinez noted, “It feels as big as it looks,” and it doesn’t shrink in the corners. There’s also the chassis, which is less rigid than those of the other two. The BMW seemed to flex, shudder, and shake more than the others, and I even noticed a hint of cowl shake. “It feels the most ‘convertible’ of the bunch,” Lago wrote.

In all, the BMW appeals to the pragmatist in me. It’s the most useable and practical, the one you could use to drive the kids to school on your way to the firm. It still makes a statement about your wealth and status, but it’s less controversial. It’s even the least expensive here by a good margin, and while that may not be a bragging point at the country club, it doesn’t seem to be hurting sales, as it’s outselling the outgoing SL 25-to-1. But it still isn’t the car the heart pines after.

Before we left the office, but after hearing who the judges would be, senior features editor Jonny Lieberman complained rather loudly and jokingly to me that we were just going to give it to the Porsche. It made me want to prove him wrong. I couldn’t.

The Porsche won us all over by playing to our emotions. It was, without question, the most fun to drive. Where I was nervous about pushing the BMW to the limit, the Porsche seemed to have no limits, or at least, none I was willing to explore on a public road. The combination of sticky Pirellis, sport-tuned suspension, and an army of computers made the 911 unstoppable, even in wet conditions. While we still don’t like the less-tactile electric power steering, the target demographic probably thinks it’s a huge improvement. After all, this is a Carrera, not a GT3.

The 911 also had the good fortune of being the best-looking car here. Yes, it looks like the old one, but that doesn’t make it ugly. Compared with the awkwardly styled Benz, the 911 is a beauty queen. Add to that the best-looking soft convertible roof ever made, and you can guess which car we snapped the most with our cellphone cameras. To top it off, the roof folds at speeds up to 30 mph.

It isn’t perfect, of course. Like the other two, the 911 has its compromises. As mentioned earlier, the rear seats are pretty much useless. The ride is hard, as befits a sports car, but wins no points in the 9-to-5 commuter’s mind. As pretty as the roof is, it’s paper-thin, and, as a consequence, the 911 was the noisiest inside. We noted some wind noise coming from the joint between the windows on the driver’s side above 75 mph. The interior, while purposeful, didn’t look particularly luxurious next to the other two, and the optional sport seats didn’t make entry and exit easy. The front trunk is less useful than it seems, unless you have cube-shaped luggage or really short golf clubs.

So, yes, the most expensive car won, not because it had the most bells and whistles, but because it’s the one we’d all take home. I’d like to say you could just delete some options, but aside from the $5000 Burmeister stereo and the $6 grand in Porsche Exclusive options (like $335 for key fob to match the color of the car — seriously), the rest of them are performance options. The Porsche speaks to my inner child, the one who dreamed of owning sports cars, not cruisers, and it’s got just enough practicality and civility baked in to justify it to myself over the other two. It may not be the car Warren Buffett would own, but Warren doesn’t work for Motor Trend.

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