The following takes place between 1:47 AM and 1:55 AM EST inside The Bar on Giralda in Coral Gables on December 23rd. An entertaining live band, The 540’s–the band [pictured] proved to be surprisingly good despite featuring an attorney as their lead singer–were completing a 4 hour performance.

Events occur in real time.

1:47 AM – Kiss between Wilfredo and [Redacted], a couple in their early 20’s, begins in the anonymity of a booth in The Bar. Couple surrounded by standing older couples who are basking in their own anonymity. The time frame for them to be blend in with the type of crowds which typically enjoy live bands is closing. Soon they will closer resemble older interlopers who exit tourist buses, but for tonight, all was well.

1:48 AM – The first sign of trouble, Wilfredo begins to think. While grateful for [Redacted]’s apparent passion, his thoughts run to the powerful, yet unarticulated, Hippocratic Oath for amorous male Homo sapiens, ‘interrupt no positive dynamic.’ The problem lies in that he wasn’t sure what he had done right, but certain that he must not mess it up.

1:49 AM – Absent an insight on the above, he would focus on technique. Properly modulated breathing, saliva secretions reduced to maintain adequate moisture and restricted tongue forays. There is a fine line between the dexterous movements of a confident male and the early stages of an attack by the Lizard King.

1:50 AM – Momentarily distracted by the passage of a tall attractive woman with a borderline-dwarf in tow, he blanked out. Seemingly awoken by the continuous kiss, he now desperately tried to recall what his life had been like for the last 3 minutes. Wilfredo amused himself by realizing that his thoughts about avoiding tongue in cheek, were not tongue-in-cheek.

1:51 AM – Fear gripped Wilfredo. Was this kiss it? Was that the reason for the PED-like length of the lip-locking? Was this his goodnight kiss? How could pure lust have devolved into this? He was simultaneously aroused and despondent.

1:52 AM – His thoughts now ran to Joseph Stalin. Solzhenitsyn would tell the story about how ovations after speeches by Stalin would go on forever because everyone was afraid to stop applauding first. If this kiss was a Homeland episode, it would be titled, Stalemate with Soulmate.

1:53 AM – Wilfredo begins experiencing concussion-like symptoms, as evidenced by entertaining thoughts of love. Well thoughts about love is more accurate. A friend of his father, one of those harmlessly boring religious types whose uninvited musings on faith always challenged his manners, had cornered him for a mini-symposium on the C.S. Lewis book about different types of love [storge (affection), phileo (friendship), eros (romantic love), and agape (charity or God-love)]. At the time Wilfredo could only focus on the fact that ‘storge’ phonetically reminded him of an NFL quarterback, Jim Sorgi. And yet, why had the planted idea chosen this moment to sprout?

1:54 AM – But what if he got the dreaded question again? A young lady had once asked if he loved her at a critical moment and his answer had surprised even him. No, he replied, choosing peace of mind over treating her as a mere piece. In the postmortem, he racked his brain to understand where the answer had come from, but could not. The closest he got was a movie that he had liked. But who knows?

1:55 AM – It finally ended. A mini-crowd surrounded them like winners of a dance marathon of days gone by, a reminder of how odd courtship appears to all those on the outside. “Call me, Wilfredo,” she asked? Dazed, dehydrated, but intrigued, he replied, “love to.”