Thursday, May 3, 2007

IF YOU'VE BEEN FOLLOWING THIS BLOG from its inception, you're already aware that we have a bit of a track record when it comes to people of a certain public status. Regardless, we consider it part of our raison d’être to keep tabs on even those peripheral characters in this small, (sometimes) confining realm of professional prolate ellipsoidism. And it so happens that such a person jumped onto our radar during last weekend's Draft.

By now, most of us know that Lindy Slinger is not some random stewardess that the Notre Dame quarterback picked up on his flight to New York, nor is she some high-class prostitute that was assigned to Brady by the League for the purposes of deflecting rumors of Mr. Quinn's alleged homosexuality, a la Rock Hudson.

No, Lindy is actually passing herself off as the All-American Girl to Baby Dreamboat's All-American Gay Guy. She plays Divsion I soccer, has a birthday on Christmas and probably doesn't put out until coerced, or to get back at her last boyfriend, not that I would know anything about that. But is such a generous assessment even in the same cul-de-sac with reality? I asked around, and some people suggested to the contrary. What follows are actual tips sent in from actual readers, and obviously only Jesus cannot confirm or deny whether any of these are true, and He and I are kind of on the outs right now:

I knew her from high school. She [was] pretty much just your typical soccer playing prep girl who was also a huge slut. My sister was in her year and on the soccer team with her; she absolutely hated her.

-HS classmate A

I've only got one, and it's no secret.

-Brady Lite, when asked if he had a secret crush, in his HS yearbook

I think they were waiting til they were out of college [to marry]; [but] they were off for awhile and he dated a girl [for a couple of months] here at ND, but then realized Lindy was The One.

-Notre Dame student

She couldn't get into Notre Dame if her life depended on it. She ended up at Miami, but somehow managed to hold on to Brady while he was in South Bend. She's been rockin' the nasty fake blonde hair since high school.

-HS classmate B

She definitely lets everyone at Miami know she's dating him and tries just like he does to portray this really churchy goody-goody image that couldn't be further off.

-Miami of Ohio student

She didn't start dating Brady until his senior year, so she had plenty of time to build a slutty reputation prior to that. My basis for the label comes mostly from knowing how she acted in middle school and through high school. I guess she could have actually calmed down, found Jesus and what not since she went to college, but...I really doubt it.

-HS classmate A

I kept getting filled with rage every time ESPN gave that [young lady] airtime this weekend, but [if you put a] gun to my head, I'd rather look at her than either of Quinn's mannish sisters.

I've seen her uptown a few times; she's more of a Campus Crusader closet slut than a bar hopping one.

-Miami of Ohio student

For those who would argue that this broad has no bearing on anything, I say this: Lindy's relationship with Brady Lite could very well determine the outcome of Quinn's quest for NFL prominence. Numerous professional studies have shown that people are more proficient during the day when they return to more stable lives at home. Their successes, and failures, will be shared (Her major is communications, for fuck's sake, and the only two jobs for that major out of college are "football player" and "football player's wife").

So if Quinn can be the benefactor of that kind of lovin', good for him. That is, if their relationship is as solid as advertised. Such a fortified presence in his life can only enhance his spirit, provided his list of excuses for being sighted near highway rest stops is ample.

But if that relationship is so damn great, why feel the need to advertise it at all? Will corporate endorsement reps or hotel groupies be setting their rosters any differently based on arm candy that looks more like the Tuesday warmup act at Columbus Gold? Does the league stand to gain by promoting its new Caucasian quarterback as some sort of anti-Leinart? And does this leave Lindy to be an unlikely centerpiece in pro football's return to traditional values? Or the NFL's first fag hag?

Still, at the end of the day, how do you say no to this guy:

Just to reiterate, and to keep Drew from having a stroke, these tips are actual feedback from solicitations for comment that I put out earlier this week, and I suppose, prima facie, that they would be about as credible as what Jimmy told you about what Brad said that Heather said that Karen said that Danny said in front of your locker before third period. They were not made up for laughs, and we're just passing them along.

I second mamacita's comments. Hey, speculation about famous people is fun, and I like the fan insider detail...But can we stick with the over-21 set next time, and not rip off facebook accounts for pics? And yes, this no doubt is the work of save the steagles.

Punter's just making a few jokes we've all made before, posting some pics she obviously put on the Internet herself, and getting info from people who know her personally. I did the same thing at TheBigLead a few weeks ago, and there is nothing wrong there.

I wasn't suggesting homeboy crafted the mustard costume himself, I was just sayin, I would like to have that outfit. You know, just for funsies. The proper companion costume, though, would be a big weiner or a big-ass pretzel.

And I like ragging on sorta trashy-looking chicks, though these pics of her aren't bad, she's not doing anything a million other college girls haven't done (and are probably doing right now), she's classy enough to not be giving us the ol' tongue-through-the-fingers pose (used to be a favorite among drunk sorority bitches).

My over-21 comment was meant to mean there's a difference between adults who are already public figures and college students who no one has ever heard of except for some contact with some other celebrity.

In my opinion, KSK is great when it kicks UP, at guys like Peter King and Brett Favre who get too much credit. However, today you guys decided to kick down to take out someone's hometown girlfriend, who he may not even be with in a year. Yes, you put qualifiers in there, but still. Why take out the nobodies of the NFL when there are so many better targets?

Look, do what you think is right, it's your site and reputation. You guys made your call. I just posted my thoughts. If everyone else on your site likes it, then maybe I get the "Clint" treatment. Whatever.

Guys, gotta say, love that shit when you're doin' it to professionals. But seriously? Some girl who got some airtime when she was someone's DATE to something? The off-season is not treating you as well as I would have hoped. Can't you just pick your next-favorite sport to write about?

MMP was right to challenge my logic on the first comment. I needed more detail.

But CC, your forte is English, not psychology. Don't subject me to weak Freudian slip analysis with poor evidence. If I use 'we' as in "We are fighting over a two-letter pronoun", does it mean you or I are friends, wishing to be included, or at all in agreement?! Way to dodge the main argument to haggle over pronouns.

Look, no one, including myself, wants me to be "that guy" who won't leave a particular topic alone. Thanks for not deleting my comments.

Jason was fine until he made it angry and personal. I maintain a monopoly on vitriol in this space, but his calling me a faggot about me finding people calling someone a slut didn't do him any favors, either.

In addition, although this Lindsay person is a private individual(as opposed to a public figure or public official), by being present at the draft and holding herself out to the community as being connected to Brady Quinn(who is a public figure) there is clearly no cause of action for defamation here.

(I knew all those dollars spent on law school tuition would one day be worth something).

Geez, it's not like anyone was in full-on stalker mode and tailed Brady Quinn to cum-Slinger's dorm room 3 months ago. The pictures were already published in the public forum of the Internets, by her or her friends.

She only came to the public's attention because she, and Quinn, and Condon, and the NFL decided to have her sit next to Quinn with 18 million cameras on him on Saturday.

I am now forming a new non-profit organization, solely devoted to collecting any funds willingly donated to bail any of the Gay Mafia out of jail before they have to have to make good on the 'Gay' part while in jail.

Didn't Bill Hicks and Dennnis Leary joke about cancer? And, Bill Hicks actually died from cancer and he could joke about it.

Who's gayer . . . Duke basketball fans, or Notre Dame football fans?

Because, I have a feeling(and it's just a feeling) that it was a lot of Notre Dame fans who took offense to the post.

Not defenders of privacy, or those opposed to defamatory comments, or those who feel KSK is overreaching for comedic material . . . but it's Notre Dame fans who are upset at this. I bet you if it was about JaMarcus Russell's girlfriend people would be giggling there asses off.

But the blonde girl, ooooh that's off limits.

Thank God this site isn't owned by a major corporation, because "they" would have shut it down already.