Achieving balance and reducing conflict through contrast

I recently returned from a wilderness canoe trip. My friend and I spent four days carrying and paddling our canoe in a remote Adirondack preserve. During the four days we saw no one except a forest ranger. We did see loons, ducks, otters, a beautiful bald eagle, and the usual deer.

Being immersed in nature got me thinking about contrasts. First, the contrast of a quiet wilderness and my usual day full of fast information, overloaded activities, and interactions with machines and people. Messages fly at me from my assistant, smart phone, email, regular telephone, and all the people I bump into. How many inputs do any of us process in one day? It’s a very different experience to arise because the sun came up, eat when hungry, rest when tired, and go to bed because it’s dark when my muscles are pleasantly sore from exertion all day.

The most striking contrast was the weather. We departed in a chilly rain. The rain stopped as we crossed the first lake and the sky remained grey. We pitched our tent on a small island and made dinner as the sun set. In the morning, the sun was out and we made breakfast on a large rock jetty with the bright sun reflecting off the lake. While enjoying our omelet, the sky quickly turned grey and it began raining. For the next two days, we portaged and paddled in cool rain and wind, including a large lake crossing with huge swells and whitecaps that was quite challenging.

On the fourth day we awoke to bright sun and completely still air. The lake was covered with mist backlit by the gorgeous sun. The mist burned off and we paddled for several hours on a dazzling mirror of water. We stumbled on a young bald eagle just above us in a tree, fishing for his breakfast.

The water was so quiet that looking at the shore was a completely disorienting and spectacular experience. The trees and rocks above shoreline reflected so brightly and clearly that we began to feel we were floating in a wacky Escher world. Our canoe like a spaceship, the world seemed to plunge below us and above us simultaneously with no perception of water. It all felt like air. We stopped paddling altogether. Without ripples to orient us, the sense of floating became more real than the water we were sitting on. We floated in complete silence and stillness for about 20 minutes.

So what’s my point about contrast?

The joy and excitement I felt floating on the water with a warm bright sun was enhanced by spending most of the previous three days in chilly rain and wind. The experience of quiet and peace is more striking in contrast to my noisy and over-stimulated days at work.

Chinese philosophers began writing about striking contrasts or the yin/yang phenomenon many thousands of years ago. What struck me on this trip is the lesson that it takes yin and yang to keep life in balance. So what jumped into my head was the awareness that I use this yin yang deliberately when seeking to achieve balance in my life.

Take conflict for example. My work frequently involves conflict. When someone before me gets angry and raises their voice, it is really tempting to escalate and do the same. If I introduce yin to this yang by staying silent for a few moments and breathing deeply, the energy changes. Balance shifts. I feel myself relaxing, getting less tense, and usually the other person's energy also changes; they become less confrontational.

The cold rain yin contrast with the warm sun yang is a source of balance. I am left with a heightened awareness and motivation to deliberately introduce polarity into my life to improve balance.

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Comments:

Tuesday, November 13, 2012 by Mark Novotny

Mehdi has posed a critical question. And yes, the airline industry figured this out decades ago. Standardized communication protocols do work in health care- 2 commonly used templates are SBAR, and Team STEPPS. the latter is actually borrowed from the defense department (maybe buzzcut?). I haved worked in an SBAR environment and used to train docs and nurses - Situation, Background, Assessment, Recommendation. One of the most useful components is 'signals' we can use in neutral language to indicate one of us on a team thinks somehting might not be going right- the phrase used is "I need clarity". It's code meaning "let's step out of the room (if the patient is present and awake) or let's pause. A nurse can say it when she/he thinks we might be going down a bad path, or a collegue wonders what the heck we are doing.
Here at Cooley we have access to the Team Stepps training.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012 by Mehdi

I wonder if training in Crew Resource Management would provide us with a methodology to navigate "the swells and whitecaps" of medicine. That is, beyond what our life experiences/training and instinct might have taught us. You highlight a range of experiences in a canoe trip as a metaphor to what all medical personnel experience.

What if we had a codified method of communication in stressful times like pilots? As a small step, I recently taught myself the military phonetic alphabet. I had became frustrated at how difficult it was to communicate certain names over the telephone. I find that it works well when the other party has had the same training (it makes the others chuckle/frustrated/wonder how high and tight is my hair cut).

I wonder how could we codify our interactions/communications across the widest breadth of the field in order to simplify our professional interactions?

Wednesday, November 07, 2012 by Michael

I like the way you related a non-work experience to the workplace environment. Effective food to thought. Thanks.

Tuesday, November 06, 2012 by Jeff Harness

As an avid backpacker I enjoyed taking a few minutes to read your experience of your trip and pause on the beautiful pictures. Your words have me reflecting on how we can create daily environments in our spaces and relationships to help us achieve balance. And, how we can use peace AND conflict to keep us grounded.

Tuesday, November 06, 2012 by Mark Novotny

Wow, this posting connects with folks. My friend Kevin adds the perspective on remembering those who don't have the ability to 'seek balance' like all our neighbors in Manhattan and New Jersey. Chris and Diane reflect on bringing this to the workplace. How do we take a quick walk or visit the healing garden?

Tuesday, November 06, 2012 by O.B. Clifford

Great article. I too felt the stress and pressure of business. Fishing trips to Canada and Maine and vacations on the Outer Banks of NC were my ways to unwind. Now retired the stress is way less and the enjoyment of giving back by being a volunteer adds greatly to my and my wife's lives.

Tuesday, November 06, 2012 by Diane

Thank you for this wonderful article. Just reading about your experience and looking at the beautiful scenery gave me time to pause and reflect, a nice break from the business of the work day.

Tuesday, November 06, 2012 by Chris

Pausing to reflect or center ourselves does take time but it also makes time since we become better able to listen, communicate and choose action - or not. How can this necessary skill that improves the quality of our interactions, our work and our lives be brought into the workplace? How can we learn to value it as much as we value speed and volume?

Tuesday, November 06, 2012 by Kevin

Mark,
I had a very similar experience on Low's lake this year. I spent the days fishing, kayaking or hiking. It's difficult to really appreciate how much we have in comparison with the majority of the people on this planet who spend their days concerned about where the next meal will come from. Even the ability to seek balance sometimes seems like luxury.