By erratically, I mean the car was driving such that the white line dividing two lanes of traffic flowing in the same direction perfectly bisected the vehicle.

OK, that may have been a bit technical, but I couldn’t think of a way to describe it that wouldn’t result in confusion and/or the wrong image in one’s mind.

Is everyone clear? Any questions to this point?

All right then, moving on.

Not only was this car blocking two lanes of traffic, it was also traveling approximately thirty miles per hour under the speed limit; remember: this is on a busy thoroughfare.

Fun fact: as of 1 January, it is illegal in our state to impede the flow of traffic, even if one is impeding traffic by going the actual, posted speed limit.

Yes, one can be fined for obeying the law if everyone around you is breaking it. I can only imagine what this driver would face.

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yes, the car.

The driver finally turned off the road; unfortunately, he appeared headed toward the same restaurant I wished to patronize.

He entered the nearest entrance, once again taking up both lanes – in this case the enter lane and the exit/turn lane, nearly hitting another patron’s car head-on.

Since he was going even slower than before, I went to the second entrance and approached the order kiosk thingy. As I placed my order, said driver pulled around me and nearly took off my front fender as he merged into the drive-through lane and stopped at the window.

I heard this over the intercom:

This car just pulled up.

[indistinct chatter]

I don’t know they just pulled up to my window. What should I do? What do I tell them? I haven’t been trained for this!

As I pulled forward – making sure to keep a safe distance between myself and the other driver – the car moved away from the pick-up window and into one of those spaces usually reserved for customers whose orders take a bit longer to prepare.

You know, you’re at the window and they’ve got to wait for fresh fries or chicken or something so they ask you to pull forward and someone will bring your order out momentarily.

Anyway, the driver parked in one of those spots with the same dexterity he showed on the open road, managing to get both drivers’-side tires up on a curb approximately six inches high and slamming his fender into the front curbing.

If this is how he always drives, the suspension on that vehicle is probably ruined. Either that, or he keeps a mechanic on retainer.

A woman of an age somewhere between thirty and one hundred emerged from the car and s l o w l y made her way across the parking lot, making sure to stop in front of those cars waiting to exit the lot and get on with their afternoons.

Having just picked up my order and glad the car was no longer a menace to me, I pulled into a space away from the other driver to examine my order – this particular chain has a nasty habit of forgetting the sides of a meal; once, they even forgot half my order! Anyway, this time I was missing necessary condiments for my meal, so I was obliged to go in the store.

The woman had placed a take-out order and was departing as I picked up my missing items.

Now on the alert, I waited until they left. In my rear view mirror, I saw the car back up all the way to the building – narrowly missing two cars in the drive-thru lane – and exit the parking lot in the same manner in which he arrived: taking up both lanes.

He exited onto a side street; one of those with one lane in each direction and a turn lane. He took all three lanes to make a right-hand turn (the lane nearest him) and proceeded down the road exactly as before.

Half the car in the right-hand lane, half the car in the turn lane, and entirely a menace to those around him.

If I ever get this bad, please do the right thing and hide my keys from me. I mean, I have a hard enough time keeping track of them as it is right now; by that point in my life, it should be a simple task indeed.

What else would you do with a gun-type device (Nerf, water, paint, or other)? Shoot it! XD
I have this delightful fantasy where I can just shoot up the back and/or sides of a dangerous driver’s car with paintballs to display my frustration. Naturally, I could see this ending very badly but it’s a great sort of daydream.

I’ve got a friend om the State Patrol who told me about it; it’s mainly enforced on the highways – you know, when two people are matching speeds in both lanes and no-one can get around them – that’s now illegal even if the ones slowing down traffic are going the posted speed limit.

I love it! I come from Georgia where we’ve had passing lane only laws for a long time. So if you’re in the farthest left lane and you’re not actively passing, you can be pulled over. For the same reason, to not hold up traffic.

Georgia is really good about posting signs about it, I think because they actually enforce it and don’t want you using a “I didn’t know” excuse. They say, “Move over, or else.” It’s pretty effective, in that I’m rarely stuck behind someone in Georgia! 🙂