for your viewing discomfort

Menu

Wheel of TV

Wheel of Television is a column in which I, your chief editor Joel, will use a random number generator to pick out a television channel for me. I will watch whatever the wheel determines for one hour and give you my random thoughts and observations on everything I bear witness to. Spin the wheel, make the deal! Round and round she goes, where she stops, nobody knows! NO WHAMMY NO WHAMMY NO WHAMMY STOP!

Friday, November 29th, 2013 Time: 11:27PM-12:27AM Channel: 520(Encore Love) Currently Airing: Addicted To Love -Matthew Broderick and Meg Ryan try to break up their exes relationship. Anyone else remember this one? It ain’t too bad. -So Broderick(Sam) sets up shop in the abandoned building across from his ex Linda’s apartment and spies on her…

Friday, November 22nd, 2013 Time: 10:08-11:08PM Channel: 37(msnbc) Currently Airing: Lock Up: New Mexico -Yep, nothin better on a Friday night than watching a bunch of these scary motherfuckers try and kill each other. Beer me, please. -I wonder if this is where Walter White would have spent his final days. Spoiler Alert. Walt has…

Saturday, November 16th, 2013 Time: 7:00PM-8:00PM Channel: 57(FX) Currently Airing: Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen -Hey it’s my first repeat customer on the wheel. Good ol’ dependable FX! -Ahhhhhh crap. -How long are we going to keep trying to make Josh Duhamel a thing? It’s over people. It’s done. -I could use a job, but…

Wednesday, November 13, 2013 Time: 3:54-4:54PM Channel: 136(G4) Currently Airing: LOST -Meh, I’m not the biggest LOST fan on the planet, but the wheel has been much crueler -Too bad it’s about over, because it’s at least a Ben-centric episode and he was one of the more interesting characters -Episode ends with Ben telling Charles…

Thursday, November 7th, 2013 Time: 3:52PM-4:52PM Channel: 476(FUSE) Currently Airing: The Five Heartbeats -I have no idea what this is, bros. I’ll keep you posted. -It appears to be the story of a singing group trying to make it in the 60s. Like That Thing You Do for the black man. -I must be nearing…

Wednesday, October 30th, 2013 Time: 3:13-4:13 PM Channel: 416(NBA TV) Currently Airing: NBA Pregame -Eh, The wheel has been much crueler to me than this. But I haven’t fervently followed the NBA for like 10 years. -They are verbally fellating the Brooklyn Nets as if they’re going to get backstage passes to the next…

Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013 Time: 2:38-3:38 Channel: 9(QVC) Currently Airing: Affinity Diamond Jewelry -Sorry about the absence. Medical emergency. Love ya’ll for the well wishes -Oh, God dammit. Hard Whammy. Super Whammy! -What the hell? I thought QVC was for lonely old ladies late at night with a credit card. These earrings are a thousand…

Saturday, October 5th, 2013 Time: 9:39-10:39PM Channel: 57(FX) Currently Airing: Hancock -I just finished off a 3 and a half hour game between the Tigers and A’s where it was 0-0 in the 9th. You were either going to get slightly inebriated FURIOUS Joel or slightly inebriated ELATED Joel. Well, Woo hoo, motherfuckers! -Hancock? Crap. …

Tuesday, October 1st, 2013 Time: 2:10-3:10PM Channel: 71(VH1) Currently Airing: Miami Monkey -WTF is this? I’ll bet a million dollars this show is not nearly as fun as its title would suggest -Oh, it’s a show about a bar where a bunch of hot chicks work practically naked. I can work with this. -Except for…

Saturday, September 28th, 2013 Time: 1:38-2:38PM Channel: 417(NFL Network) Currently Airing: Derrick Thomas: A Football Life -Aw man, this guy died too early. I remember watching a primetime game once where he had like 6 sacks in one half. This dude put fools on blast. -Sounds like he blew right through his money as he…