Tag Archives: funny

Yes. I guess you all know this one. Sure you do.
But it’s one of my favourites, and it really made my day. Just enjoy reading.

Why did the Chicken cross the Road?

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration,
as a chicken which has the daring and courage to
boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom
among them has the strength to contend with such a
paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the
princely chicken’s dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
pancreas.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered
within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and
each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial
intent can never be discerned, because structuralism
is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Timothy Leary: Because that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment
would let it take.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road
gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its
sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a
fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while
believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at
this historical juncture, and therefore
synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself,
the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of “crossing” was encoded into the
objects “chicken” and “road”, and circumstances came
into being which caused the actualization of this
potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed
the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-
nature.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
events to grace the annals of history. An historic,
unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt
such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to
homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from
the trees.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken
was on, but it was moving very fast.

Ronald Reagan: I forget.
John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the
transportation, so quite understandably the chicken
availed himself of the opportunity.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Bill Clinton: I have never been alone with this chicken!

Mr. T: If you saw me coming you’d cross the road too!

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately … and suck all the marrow
out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Molly Yard: It was a hen!

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Chaucer: So priketh hem nature in hir corages.

Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.

The Godfather: I didn’t want its mother to see it like that.

Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken’s wings.

Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.

Othello: Jealousy.

Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have,
you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the
Need to resist such a public Display of your own
lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

Mrs Thatcher: This chicken’s not for turning.

Supreme Soviet: There has never been a chicken in this photograph.

Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One’s social engagements whilst in
town ought never expose one to such barbarous
inconvenience – although, perhaps, if one must cross a
road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the
chicken in question.

Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade
insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome,
filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume
to question the actions of one in all respects his
superior.

Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o’er.

Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of
misplaced concreteness.

1. Take a beer can out of the glove box and open it before the officer reaches your car window.
2. Ask him if he can hold the can while you’re searching for your driver’s license.
3. Forbid him to check the trunk.
4. If the officer is talking to you, pretend to be deaf.
5. Ask hin, if you could see or touch his gun.
6. If he says No, make clear you just wanted to know whether your weapon is bigger.
7. Shake hands with him, and touch him often.
8. Ask him from where he got hi costume.
9. Ask him if you could borrow his costume.
10. Ask him if he could sell you cannabis.
11. Ask for his full name. If he tells you, just adress him with his first name.
12. Ask him for a date.
13. Start to cry, if he says No.
14. If he says yes, report to his boss.
15. Don’t forget to mention you like men in uniform.
16. Try to bribe him with sweets.
17. Try to say “Driver’s license and car document” at the same time.
18. If you have to sign something, pick your nose, then ask him for a pencil.
19. Chew on his pencil.
20. Put the pencil in your ear.
21. If he gave you a ball pen, disassemble it without attracting attention and steal the feather.
22. Ask him, if has a daughter. If he has, tell him you did know his last name from somewhere.
23. Ask him, if you could wear his hat.
24. Let him explain everything twice.
25. Repeat everything he says in a low voice.
26. Talk to yourself.
27. Try to convince him of a bank robbery with you.
28. Try to sell him your car.
29. Ask him, if you could buy his car.
30. If he takes you with him, ask if you could sit in the front.
31. If you can, play with the hooter.
32. If you have to sit in the back, stroke the back of his head.
33. Make sure he wears a savety belt.
34. Apologize for not seeing the speed camera.
35. Ask him whether he is one of the Village People and where his friends are.
36. Point out to him that that you pay his salary.
37. Ask him, if he ever shot someone.
38. If he answers Yes, ask him if this happened on duty.
39. Ask for his business card.
40. Say Goodbye with a smile and smug vioce: “Say hello from me to your wife and my children!”

“This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job.
Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.”