Suzanne

My lungs feel as if they are full of sand and my heart is heavy today but I’ve come outside regardless. I’ve come to spend some time in nature, alone with my thoughts, a note book and a pen because life is fleeting and tomorrow is never promised.

A few days ago a lady lost her life. She passed away, totally unexpectedly, in a car accident. She was young with her entire future ahead of her and in an instant that future was taken away without warning. Her light went out and now we are left in a world that will shine a little less brightly without her warm smile and kind heart. I didn’t know her well, we weren’t close, but I did consider her a friend. She was one of those people you just loved. Her heart was huge, her personality serene.

We met when I was learning British Sign Language at college. The tutor had recommended we attend the local Deaf Club to practice our conversational skills. Suzanne didn’t know me but made me feel so welcome. From that moment on we would always say hello and I’d struggle to come up with something interesting to sign with my limited sign vocabulary. We’d muddle through and have conversations. A few weeks ago she told me about a holiday she was planning.

Now she’ll never get to go. It’s so hard to make sense of this tragedy.

The frailty of life is astounding, the non-permancence of it is something we should not take lightly.

I’m going to try to procrastinate less, and to make more plans with the people I love even when anxiety makes it difficult. Even when I’m frightened of the what ifs and the maybes because I’m more scared of not really living than I am of dying.

I’m going to live my best life in the memory of my friend, a lady who touched so many lives and so many hearts and always lived her life to the fullest.