Should “Creep Shaming” be a thing?

The Men’s Rights Activists of Reddit believe that “creep shaming” is insidious and anti-equality. But does creep shaming really exist? And if so, why shouldn’t it?

In terms of journalistic integrity, I rank Jezebel up there with The Daily Mail and Fox News, yet they raised an interesting discussion around the subject of the word “creep.”

Apparently the Men’s Rights section on Reddit (did you even know there was such a thing? I didn’t!) hosted a conversation about how a guy was labeled “creepy” after waiting for his girlfriend outside a mall changing room.

Creep shaming is probably one of the most insidious and anti-equality things you can do. The ability to label men as "creepy" is just one privilege that women enjoy, and a constant source of fear of ostracizing that all men must fear in our society.

“Though the word may be occasionally used unfairly,” Schweyzer explains in his article, “‘creepy’ serves a vital function. No other word is as effective as describing when a man has crossed a woman's boundary; no other word forces a man to reflect on how his behavior makes other people feel. A guy can disprove accusations of being weak by displaying strength (often in foolish ways.) But a guy can only disprove the charge of creepiness by fundamentally altering his behavior to be more genuinely respectful of women.”

Now, I’m not sure the guy standing outside the changing room deserved to be labeled a “creep” – but I do agree with the backlash against the “anti-creep shaming campaign,” as it’s apparently been called on Reddit.

I think “creep” is actually a perfectly acceptable term to describe a guy, as long as he’s genuinely deserving of it.

More than that, I think the reason so many men are getting their knickers in a twist about “creep shaming” is because they themselves might deserve to be called “creeps.”

Being called a creep hurts. As Schweyzer succinctly puts it: “Creep is the only insult that instantly centers women's perceptions. Trying to disprove "creepy" involves trying to talk a woman out of an instinctual response to a potential threat. Most men recognize (or eventually learn) that the harder they try to deny their creepiness, the creepier they appear.”

And that’s true. Other labels and names can be brushed off, but “creep” resonates on a much deeper level; perhaps something to do with that offensive (but nevertheless extremely accurate) quote by Margaret Atwood: “Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.”

But while “creep” is a humiliation-filled label, I don’t believe “creep shaming,” as it’s described by Reddit, actually exists yet – but perhaps it should.

I was inspired by “pet shaming” (where you take pictures of naughty pets next to signs listing their crimes) and wonder if “creep shaming” could be equally successful on the ‘net.

Just imagine it – a tumblr or blog in which acts of creepdom were broadcast to the Internet, using screenshots of creepy emails, Twitter posts and Facebook messages guys have written to girls.

What would be the purpose of naming-and-shaming the “creeps”? Perhaps as a means of educating the rest of us men about where the “creep” line is drawn, and how never to step over it.

That’s an extremely useful thing to learn. Most men step into the creep zone at some point in their adult lives, and we have a vested interest in being guided as swiftly out of it as we can be.

I can only remember one occasion in which I crossed into the creep zone, but I did, and perhaps unknowingly did so other times, as well. When I was 18, guided by too much alcohol and too little experience with women, I failed to comprehend that a girl wasn’t interested in me long after I should have, and from there, my seduction technique had gone from “cute” to “makes everybody feel uncomfortable.”

But I was one of the lucky ones, and the girl in question later explained where I went wrong, and helped positively shape my relationships with women forever after. Other men need that too.

“Creep” is an offensive, humiliating, cringe-inducing label to put on a man, but if the shoe fits, the onus is on us “creepy” men to change our behavior; not for women to quit using the term because we find it “offensive.”

But before I condone or encourage “creep shaming” entirely, there’s one thing that bothers me.

Hugo Schwyzer’s original creep-shaming article was also followed by a troublesome comment which actually ends up supporting the “anti-creep shaming campaign”:

A man who can't recognize when a woman is out of his league is a creep because he lacks an understanding of a basic social structure.

So while I’m totally sold on the idea of “creep shaming”, it’s only appropriate for a guy who makes a woman feel uncomfortable by inappropriate physical contact, overly suggestive comments, invading her personal space or simply just not leaving her alone when she indicates (even just through body language and demeanor) that she’s not interested.

That’s a BIG difference from a girl labeling a guy a “creep” because she’s conceited enough to believe she’s “out of his league” and he shouldn’t dare presume to talk to her. In that case, it’s the girl being creepy (or crazy), and the only appropriate response would be something equally “creepy” – and something that generally works with girls that superficial.

From my days as a PUA (Google it), I learned that the strategy with superficial women is to ‘neg’ them (make a backhanded compliment, intended to make a woman feel insecure), then ignore them, so a woman feels compelled to pursue you. And they almost always do.

It’s strategic, manipulative and ultimately, perhaps the “creepiest” kind of behavior of all. But unlike in all these other examples, PUAs aren’t generally “creep shamed” for their behavior for the most insidious reason of all: Because it worked.

Comments

This is a very interesting article. My brain doesn't know which way to roll with it. Should a flippant girl who just throws the term around and forgets it an hour later be given carte blanche forgiveness for breaking the spirit of some innocent but socially awkward man simply because she has a vagina? No. Do some guys need a wake up call? Yes. Therein lies the rub.

I don't think I fully agree with creep-shaming, because that's making a game out of negativity. The funnier or more popular it becomes, the less careful people are with using the term appropriately. Your pets don't care about the funny picture you post of their mischief. Your neighbor, your brother, your best friend, your grandpa; does.

And I don't know about you, but I don't trust the logic or social integrity of vain high school girls, and I certainly don't value the fun they would have with that game over the self-image of honest, decent men.

I just hope that women realize the power that word has in their hands, and that they wield it justly.

As a woman, I can say that I don't exclusively call guys "creepy". To me, your creep-factor has little to do with your gender, it's all about how you come off to me. Certain people just give me the heebie jeebies.

For me, when guys cross the line and I tell them they are CREEPY!!! They immediately get the hint, halt their behavior, and it never happens again. Of course I only use this when I think it's truly a creepy situation (abusing "always allow" skype cam priveleges, creeping up behind and doing that "guess who" thing really close to ears, INSISTING that you put in used earbuds to listen to the song they picked for you. JUST for you....)

Really? THIS is a thing? Women get raped, men get..... "offended." Women avoid creepy behavior as a survival tactic and talk about it to warn our fellow women, do y'all not get that?

PLENTY of men do not act creepy, and are never called creepy. Me thinks some men proteseth too much. Being called "creepy" is completely avoidable. (Unlike, say, being called a "whore" or even a "dyke" simply because you rebuff some creepy guy's unwanted advances....)

The answer is in your article; "“Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.”

I'm a lesbian. As such, I've encountered my share of CREEPY people of both genders! Yes, girls are totallycapable of overstepping boundaries into the 'creep zone', making inappropriate comments, refusing to back down when the other girl is clearly not interested, and other generally creepy behavior. When it comes to overly intense, obsessive, possessive, jealous, and/or stalker-ish type creepy behavior, sorry guys, but girls, especially lesbians, have the market cornered. Women are wayyyyy better at that then guys and it's CREEPY and sometimes scary. As a lesbian, I am also often subject to an extra special brand of creepiness from guys. The 'you've just never met the right guy,' 'I can turn you straight,' 'call me if you ever want a man inside you,' 'you can't possibly be fully satisfied without a man,' 'somewhere deep down I know you must want a cock,' and the ever popular 'can I watch and/or join in' variety. *shudder* I absolutely think women (or men who are targets of creepy behavior, since I think it's totally possible and legit for guys to feel creeped out when someone is acting creepy) should call the person out on their behavior. 'Creep' or 'creepy' are pretty universally understood terms for the type of unacceptable social behavior that gives us the heebie jeebies and makes us want to get the hell away from this person so calling someone a creep is a really effective way of succinctly making your point. I'm not sure mass public social media humiliation is the way to go because of the superficial, snotty, pretentious girls who may use it to abuse some poor guy who doesn't deserve it. Certainly the guy waiting outside the changing room was undeserving of being shamed with the 'creep' label, but some people are downright creepy and slapping that label on them is a pretty damn effective way to get the message across!

This is interesting. In high school I had a facebook photo album especially for "creepers." I amassed quite a collection of creepy guys. The worst example was a man who was recording my friends with an iphone while we were riding on a carousel that was about 10 feet up in the air. Two of us were wearing skirts. I responded by recording HIM recording US! We got off the carrousel and he was magically gone. Hmm.

Yes, this is a major issue for us ladies, and calling someone a creep is one of the few weapons we have! It's very instinctual, it's a feeling inside that we get. Sometimes I get that feeling when a man hasnt done anything at all (besides leer). Does that mean i'm going to call him a creep? No. It means I'm going to avoid him like the plague.

Looking back at that facebook album, I realized how empowered I felt to be able to take pictures of these men. It somehow put the power back in my hands. I know that can be abused rather easily, and I wouldnt recommend that everyone do that, but it's something to consider. I'm sure that if every woman were to take a picture of a creepy man, rapists would be much more easily identified and brought to justice.

I consider guys living in trash cans to be out of my league. And they have tried pick up lines on me. Like "hey, ya want some of this!?" So, is it wrong to call someone like that a creep? because of where they live? Just wondering.