End the Cycle of Dead End Relationships

February is the month of love. It can also be the loneliest month of the year if you’re single or in a dead end relationship. In honor of this month, I want to help you end the cycle of dead end relationships and learn to love yourself. In a past post, I shared how I struggled with loneliness. I believed that I was unlovable and felt I needed to settle. Depression will lead you to believe you are worthless than you are, but that is a lie. It’s ok to have standards. It’s ok to walk away from a dead end relationship. It’s ok to accept nothing less than what you deserve. In this post, I want to share a few standards you need to set to end the cycle of dead end relationships.

Believe that You are Worth More

Often times we end up in unhealthy relationships because we believe a lie that we are invaluable. For me, I always had this feeling that I was a burden, unlovable and ugly. I felt a desire to fill this void with the attention of guys. This mentality left me trapped in a cycle of dating men that either ignored me, were not supportive of me, lied to me or used me. The problem was I didn’t see my worth, and neither did most guys I was dating. I was blind to this because I got lots of different male attention and had perfected the care-free IDGAF persona. This allowed me to trick myself into believing that I had high confidence and self-worth. In reality, I was selling myself short and settling for dead end relationships. I needed to realize that just like friendships, it’s about quality, not quantity. To end my struggle with dead end relationships I needed to learn my worth and set standards of what I wanted and deserved.

Stop Accepting Less than What You Deserve

We have standards for everything in our life above the basic expected requirements. Despite this, we often fail to set standards for what we deserve in romantic relationships. I am not talking about how a man looks or his wealth, I am talking about how he treats you and aligns with you. Let’s make this clear, not cheating, not lying, being loyal and caring about you are BASIC requirements. You do not deserve to always be an option and not a choice, so do not accept that. You do not deserve to be manipulated, so do not accept that. You do not deserve to be spoken down to, so do not accept that. You do not deserve to be constantly lied to, so DO NOT ACCEPT THAT. One thing I have learned is that it is better to feel extremely lonely and actually be alone than it is to not be alone and feel lonelier than ever.

Set Your Standards

Once you stop accepting less than you deserve, you must have standards (and stick to them) to end the cycle of dead end relationships. The basics are essential and non-negotiable, but what are your standards. I can not tell you what your standards should or should not be. However, here are four questions to determine the standards that may be right for you. I have personally asked myself these same questions (in one way or another), and I have seen how it has shaped my dating experience.

What are your personal goals?

What are your personal values?

What are your relationship goals?

What are your pet peeves?

If loneliness has made you question your life’s value or you are struggling with severe depression, don’t be afraid to seek help. As always, everyone’s experience with mental illness is different. But I truly believe there is hope for every unique situation. If you suffer from severe mental illness or thoughts of suicide I want to encourage you to seek help today. Find a local therapist or contact the National Suicide Lifeline by calling 1-800-273-8255 or texting “START” to 741-741. Please share your experiences in the comments, it may just help someone else.

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