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Sunday, 24 March 2013

Searching for the end of the rainbow

So i know im not great at admitting to having struggles, but i did and well it was ok (alright i did have that one anonymous comment and an email) but it was a relief, just to get it out that actually sometimes, although thankfully not often, i hit a wall and it all just seems so difficult and confusing.

I remember reading one of lil's posts and some paragraphs resonated with me, particularly as it was around this time that i was having personal conflict.

"I occasionally come across blogs that are all sunshine and roses--I move right
along. Call me cynical if you want, (Alpha does) but life isn't all rainbows and
roses.It, quite literally, takes plenty of shit to grow flowers.

When
I see my blog described elsewhere, it is most often with some variation of
"lil's struggles speak to me." Not an award winner for perfection perhaps, but I
think we all struggle sometimes, and pretending that we don't doesn't help us
grow."

Im by no means belittling blogs that are always positive and happy, would rather that than all doom and gloom, but i do tend to lean towards blogs that let people have a glimpse of when it is difficult, when it is a struggle, those that are living it through the good times and the not so good times.

They are the ones i recommend to those looking for a more realistic insight into this lifestyle.

Im not a newbie, nor have i been doing this for decades, but im past the 'sub frenzy' stage, i have been through the realisations of separating fantasy from reality, so when i get mail critiscising me for potraying ttwd, specifically M/s in a negative light because it shouldnt be difficult and im putting off those interested in tpe that may come accross my blog, i find it insulting.

In fact i will go as far as saying im making it more realistic because im opening up about the difficult times, no im not saying that my relationship is the blueprint for how it should be, but please if you want the fairytale versions of ttwd and all that it encompasses reach for your kindle.

26 comments:

Well said tori. If the only thing people learning about ttwd saw was smooth and easy they would be intimidated and feel as if they were failures. I appreciate that you share the bumps in the road- it's reality and that in some way is comforting to someone just starting out. Fictional stories are great, but they're just that- fiction.

Hi Tori,As a well established blogger I think you shouldn't give a toss what others think your blog is about. It's your domain and an honest expression of yourself - warts and all.I do mix fantasy and reality on my own blog but in my mind they are clearly separate and service different purposes. I almost started two blogs not one; still don't know if I should have or not. I'm still finding my way and I haven't found a way to express my doubts and issues out there in blogland yet - call me shy. It takes courage to be honest about your own feelings and struggles. So if you want to portray your view of TPE, you should or else we're left with the rosy world of fantasy - much as it thrills the reader, it isn't the real world.DF

I love what lil said because it does take "alot of shit..." I too, would rather read "real life" blogs than all "sunshine and roses" - and not just in ttwd blogs. After spending way too much time reading a certain (vanilla) sunshine and roses blog, I realized how much it was bringing me down. Even though she is funny and witty, she never talked about the difficult times in life. I thing you need a good mix - something you handle just fine!Instead of taking up too much space commenting, I'd like to link this post to my blog - if that's ok.

I think there are parts of us that some people may perceive as all pollyanna. I don't find it difficult to follow his lead (till it comes to self image stuff and abandonment fears - sigh), but while we keep each other in a positive light. We don't get too personal, but we sometimes share struggles because, as you said, it's real, and seeing how others get through a situation helps us when we struggle with the same thing, or gives us talking points, and helps elucidate our feelings to help us get through something similar.

Dunno if mouse could only write about the good stuff all the time. Now, she does try to look for positive things...sometimes it's just impossible. Or it feels impossible. It seems to go in cycles of ups and downs...like life is.

The concept of "putting people off" by talking about one's struggles is...It's absolutely ludicrous to me.Because really? If one of us having a bad day makes someone decide that ttwd isn't for them--then it really wasn't for them! While I do think that it's probably overall healthier to focus on the positive than the negative events in life, not all days are good no matter what context we are talking about.

And while I adore fiction to the point of my kid betting me I couldn't make a book last three days, that's not why I read blogs either. Fairy tales are awesome, and that's what my precious books are for.

Nothing wrong with highlighting the good stuff, but I think that Only talking about those things is far more of a disservice than talking about the struggles--what happens to the curious explorers who only read the fairy tales when they take the plunge into power exchange and expect everything to be easy?

Okay, I think my rambling has gotten out of control here lol. so I'll scurry off with one last thought--I adore and appreciate your lack of sugar coating.Thanks for the shout out.