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Ive known my best friend since I was 10 (15 years), and for the first 7 years he was madly in love with me & would profess his love for me any chance he got. But I always had a boyfriend so I would tell him I didnt want to loose him as a friend. We arent exactly each others type but we definitely had chemistry. We were the type to hold hands walking through the mall, or take platonic naps together. It wasnt until he moved across country that he finally got over me. Problem is: when I went to college (and was finally single) I began to have feelings for him. Every time I got up the courage to tell him (and see if he still felt the same) something would come up. I am about to go visit him for the first time, and really want to tell him how I feel, but he has a girlfriend and seems to be happy. I dont want to ruin it for him, but I feel like he might still have feelings and Its killing me after 8 years to hold it in any longer. Should I take the risk even though he seems happy & I have no clue if anything would come of it? .

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Comments (6)

<< Should I take the risk even though he seems happy & I have no clue if anything would come of it? >>.

Does the relationship (thru Match.com) with his GF seem serious? If so, then ... absolutely not..

If it's one of those "they've been dating a couple of months" types of things ... then, sure ... go for it..

I'm not saying that it isn't disrespectful to his current relationship (thru Match.com) ... it certainly is ... regardless of how long they've been together. But, if they haven't been together that long then ... it could be worth the risk..

However, if he has given any indication of this other relationship (thru Match.com) being "it" for him and that he's serious about her, etc ... then, IMO, it woudl be incredibly selfish of you to say anything about your feelings. I.e, "you had your chance.".

And if I were on the receiving end, that is exactly what I'd say to you if you came to me professing feelings ... full well knowing that I'm happy with someone else. ..

Comment #1

Hi nena maui,.

Welcome to the baord!!.

I have to admit that I read your post yesterday and had to really think about your ?/situation. I don't think that one person should break up another couple, so I think you will have to see how far along his relationship (thru Match.com) is before you can decide what to do. If he were not seeing someone, I would say tell him. Sounds like you are really good friends and sometimes that is the best way to start a romantic relationship..

Good Luck!!!.

Oh, and you from Hawaii? I used to live there and since it is snowing out this morning, I wish I were there today!!!!.

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Comment #2

Well he does have a girlfriend and as you said seems happy. So that is a reason to keep still. But you might say, hey remember those years when we were young and you were nuts about me but I always had a boyfriend. This might spark a conversation. You can give him an opening and see if he takes it but if he doesn't then leave things be - at least til he breaks up with his girlfriend!.

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Comment #3

Thanks for responding! As far as I know he is in love with his girlfriend, but has made it obvious that he's still interested in me. I respect his choices & i'm sure his girl is great, but since I've been holding this in for so long I've decided just to bring up the conversation and see where it leads us. I hope that will be enough to help us realize what to do next (if anything). I figure what the heck, if nothing comes of it I will still get this weight off my chest. Thanx again. .

I'm not from Maui but he is & I'm seriously considering moving there. I have family out that way. How was it out there? Do you miss it, or just when it's snowing? LOL..

Comment #4

He can't be in love with his girlfriend and at the same time have made clear to you that he's still interested. Totally contradictory things in one sentence...

Comment #5

Hi Nena,.

I liked it in Hawaii, but I'm a winter person, so I don't think I'd want to live there again. Definately up for a vacation though!!! I lived on Oahu and it's a very very busy island. Maui isn't as busy, but it's so expensive to live anywhere there!!! Especially housing!!!! Really check things out before making that big move!!!.

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Our Doyenne had a really great suggestion as to how to bring up this conversation and Blairbear is right that it seems totally off that he's in love with his GF, but makes it obvious that he's interested in you. This probably isn't what you want to hear, but do you think you are seeing what you want to see? Just be sure before you totally dive into this.

Good Luck!!!.

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Comment #6

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.