I’m on the home stretch.

Only 9 more days to go in my 30 Day Blogging Challenge. It still seems like a lot of articles to write — but considering this is my 21st article in 21 days, I guess 9 isn’t too bad.

It’s 8.30pm. I’ve just finished a bunch of voice over jobs, I’m cooking a casserole and Aaron wants to bake a cake tonight, so I’m squeezing in this blog post in between activities; hopefully I can still make it to bed by 10pm! #unlikely

Anyway, as I’m short on time, I thought I’d do a quick and dirty recap of lessons I’ve learned so far from the blogging challenge. Here we go:

1. Putting the pressure on has taken the pressure off

I thought I’d freak out having to publish an article every day. But surprisingly, knowing that I have to post every day means that I can’t waste time or energy trying to make a post ‘perfect’. I know I can’t possibly write an unbelievable, in-depth, mind-blowing article every single day, so if I’m pressed for time I’m like “Oh well, just pick an easy topic and get something out.”

It’s nice to know that my inner perfectionist has been wrangled to the ground (for the time being).

2. Writing is about rhythm, not inspiration

Forcing myself to write every day has made it a habit. And coming up with ideas for articles has become much easier. I’m also aware, however, that once this challenge is over, writing will be very easy not to do. So I know I’ll need to keep the rhythm up and maintain my writing efforts. Even if it’s not a whole article a day, at least I would have written something.

3. You can inspire others without even knowing

I started this challenge on my own, but have since attracted a crew of 4 other blogging buddies. I had no intention of inspiring others with my efforts, but it turns out that other people had wanted to do the same challenge, but needed a little bit of inspiration to get started.

4. You find time you never knew you had

I used to say “I don’t have time to blog!” but now I look for pockets of time where I can eek out a paragraph or two. Usually it’s the 20 minutes on the tram, or while I’m waiting for dinner to cook. I’ve learned that if you’re really dedicated to something, you somehow find time.

Anyway, I know I’ve learned a bunch more, but I’ll save those for a later post. Plus, it’s time for dinner. (I still have my priorities in check, don’t you worry!)

How do you show up in life?

And by this I mean – when you get out of bed, how much care and effort do you put into your appearance? Do you wear clothes that fit well? Are they clean and ironed? Do you look after your nails and hair? And do you put in the effort only for work, or every time you leave the house?

I ask because I’ve come to the conclusion that your appearance plays a much bigger role in your overall confidence and effectiveness than I used to give it credit for.

I used to be one of those people who didn’t really care.

Not that I didn’t like looking good, but on some days I’d be like “I CBF today” and wear my comfy boyfriend jeans, loose fitting T-shirt and sneakers, with no makeup. Or I’d wear my gym clothes out, even though I’ve never lived in Prahran and don’t ever plan to (that’s an inside joke for the Melbournians).

I have always been a big believer in ‘showing up’ emotionally — that is, being positive, enthusiastic and energetic so you can be your best self for the world. But I’ve since realised how important it is to also pay attention to how you ‘show up’ physically.

I recently listened to an excellent episode of the Life Coach School podcast with Brooke Castillo (an excellent show, by the way). She talked about how when you look good, you feel good, plus you’re always prepared in case you run into someone you want to impress.

It totally resonated with me.

For example, I went into Hub one day in my gym clothes. I thought ‘I’m only here for an hour before I go to the gym…I CBF getting changed!’ And of course, that had to be the day my friend brought a bigwig entrepreneur to Hub and introduced him to me. Appearance-wise, I was totally unprepared. It’s hard to make a great first impression when you’re in your track pants at the office. Never again.

I’ve also noticed that I do, in fact, feel better about myself when I’m dressed well. I feel super fabulous when my nails are done, and I have an extra spring in my step after a fresh haircut. And I love feeling good. My walk becomes more of a strut, I hold my shoulders back, and I speak with more confidence.

And does it affect my work?

Hell yes. I find I’m more productive, more focused and more confident when I put in the effort to ‘show up’.

And this doesn’t only apply to when you’re out in public.

For example, I’m writing this in my lounge room. But I still got dressed in my work clothes, I put on my normal makeup, orange lipstick, did my hair and put on earrings.

Why?

Because I’m more likely to get work done when I’m dressed for work. I don’t ever ever EVER roll out of bed and start working in the track pant/oversized T-shirt combo I sleep in.

Also, when I made the decision to record a quick training video for one of my clients, I didn’t have to worry about putting on presentable clothes or making my face look nice — I was already good to go.

So I want you to think about how YOU are showing up in your life.

And I’m not saying you have to spend hours and hours doing your hair and makeup — just take enough time to make yourself presentable; enough so that you would feel comfortable bumping into an important business associate walking down the street.

Ladies, here are my suggestions for feeling like a rock star:

Get rid of anything in your wardrobe that doesn’t fit well or doesn’t make you feel amazing. Think about the clothes that you DO feel amazing in, and get more of them. Make it your ‘uniform’.

Learn how to do foundation properly (sounds obvious, but it makes a big difference, and so many women get it wrong. I did an afternoon makeup course and learned a tonne of makeup tricks. Highly recommended!)

Wear a bold lipstick

Wear heels, even if they’re little ones (I wear comfy sneaker heels…not exactly corporate, but they look cool and make me walk with a bit of swag!)

Wear a fitted jacket, or at least one thing that’s fitted. So if I’m wearing tight jeans, I’ll wear a softer top and jacket.

Have your nails done, and if they start to chip and go nasty, get it fixed or take the polish off immediately!

Wear one ‘stand out’ or bright item of clothing, even if it’s a simple scarf.

Fellas, same principles with well fitting clothes, neat hair etc apply to you!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got an important hair appointment to get to :P

I was in a massive funk today – and not in a “Get on down! James Brown!” kinda way.

I’m not sure why. It definitely wasn’t due to lack of sleep – I went to bed relatively early and accidentally slept two hours past my alarm.

(Yes, yes, I know a lot of people would kill for an extra long Monday morning sleep in, but when you work for yourself and getting out of bed is optional, it’s a blessing AND a curse.)

But I woke up and thought “Oh no! I’ve lost half my morning!” so instead of my morning walk, I jumped straight into the shower, ate a quick breakfast and headed off to my usual café to get writing.

But as I sat there, I couldn’t bring my brain to work. It was in a fuzz, and the coffee wasn’t helping. I went home, feeling overwhelmed and undermotivated (a word I just made up. I think it works.)

And that’s how I stayed the rest of the day. Aaron tried his best to cheer me up, but still I found myself going on about how I’m fully aware of the reasons behind my procrastination, how I still have self doubts and how I need to back myself more and so on…writing this now, I realize how dumb I must have sounded, ranting on about what I already know and doing the very same shit I teach others not to do. Argghh!

It was so weird. Frankly, I rarely have ‘bad days’, which I am incredibly grateful for. But it also means that I put so much pressure on myself to be ‘on’ and ‘productive’ that when I am feeling off, I find it really difficult to accept. And so I continue to battle towards my normal level of productivity, instead of embracing the struggle and doing something else.

Anyway, as the early evening came around, I pulled myself together and dragged my sorry ass to Toastmasters.

And you know what? As soon my fellow Toastmasters came in and we started to chat, I forgot about everything else. There was great energy in the room, and as an extrovert, I absorbed that good energy like a ultra soft Huggies pull-up.

By the end of the meeting, I was feeling back to my normal self. And as soon as I jumped on the tram, I pulled out my laptop and have been typing furiously ever since.

I’m not sure what the point of this post is. But it’s what I felt compelled to share today. I guess I did learn a few lessons:

Be grateful for your ‘off’ days — they remind you of your good days

Embrace the struggle — acknowledge it, accept that it happens to everyone, and know that it will end

If you want to change your emotional state, change your environment. Get out of the house, surround yourself with good people etc.

Changing your state can be as simple as…that. It can happen in a single instant :)

When I was in NYC last month, a friend of mine was telling me about his plans to take his personal training career to the next level.

He currently works with individuals, and also does group training through his friend’s health centre. But he wants to branch out on his own, and offer more holistic health and wellness training that focuses just as much on mindset as it does on the physical component.

He’s very experienced, he knows who his ideal clients are, he gets results for them, and he has a burning desire to positively impact more lives.

So I asked him: “Why haven’t you done it yet?”

And he replied: “I just don’t feel ready!”

So I asked: “Ok, what needs to happen in order for you to feel ‘ready’? How will you have to feel?”

“I guess I’d have to feel confident in my ability to do it.”

“What level of confidence would you need, on a scale of one to ten?”

“Umm..I guess a 7 or 8?”

“And what level of confidence do you have right now in your ability to train and coach people and get results for them?”

“Umm…an 8 or 9.”

What??

It didn’t make sense to me. His self assessment revealed his confidence levels in himself were higher than the confidence levels required to take action.

So that clearly wasn’t the problem.

I probed a little deeper, and he revealed he didn’t know much about creating websites, social media and online marketing in general. He said he wanted to learn online marketing from his tech-savvy friend first before he attempted it for himself.

That I could understand. When I created my first podcast, it was very overwhelming, so I invested in a 4 week course to learn the ropes and surround myself with other podcasters who were going to kick my ass if I didn’t take action. If I hadn’t done that, I would have procrastinated for months.

I had done enough research to know the basics of podcasting, but I really didn’t know much when I got started.

Everything I learned, I learned by doing.

Same with this blog. I got started with a simple WordPress site (it was originally at kipsandkale.wordpress.com), and learned as I went about domains, hosting, themes and ways to improve the blog. If I had waited until I was ‘ready’ to build a super duper blog, I probably would never have started! (And it’s still not ‘super duper’ by any means)

So I offered the same advice to my friend.

Instead of watching how his friend did it, I suggested he ask her to help him set up his own website and marketing strategy. Even if it was very basic, but hey, at least it would exist.

Do you ever feel like you’re not quite ‘ready’ for something?

Maybe it’s starting a blog, podcast or business. Or maybe it’s going for that big promotion or switching careers. Or maybe it’s leaving everything behind to travel the world.

If so, I want you to ask yourself these questions:

What needs to happen for me to feel ‘ready’? How would I need to feel? What level of confidence would I need? How confident do I feel right now?

If there is a gap (re: confidence) between where you’re at and where you want to be, ask yourself: How do I get to that level of confidence? What do I need to do?

And when you’ve pinpointed that thing…write a list of the steps required to get there, and take that first step.

You may even discover, like my friend, that you already have everything you need to get started. You may not need to know every step (for example, to get to point A to point Z), but you know enough to get from point A to point B. Does that make sense?

Now, if you’re particularly risk-averse, I’m not saying you have to dive in blindly — it is important to learn from mistakes of others, copy successful people etc.

However, if your endless ‘research’ on how to get it right is holding you back from starting, it’s not helpful. At some point, you’re gonna have to bite the proverbial bullet and start. You can do all the research in the world, but nothing will teach you more quickly than actually doing it for yourself.

So stop waiting to be ‘ready’. You will probably never get there. Instead, get started. Get from point A to point B. And when you’re at point B, you’ll figure out how to get to point C, and so on. And soon, you’ll find yourself doing the very thing you never thought you’d be ready for :)

I just finished watching Terminator 2 for the first time.

And I finally understand the context of Arnie’s “Hasta la vista, baby.”

Yes, I know it may seem crazy that I am 29 years old and had never seen the Terminator movies up until now. And while I’m here, I may as well confess that up until recently, I had never seen iconic films like Aliens, the Indiana Jones series, the original Star Wars and Pulp Fiction.

There are a few reasons for this — I’ve never been a massive film buff, my parents never exposed me to these films as a kid, and, going to an all-girls school, movie nights with my friends were all about teenage rom coms (Clueless, anyone?).

It’s never really bothered me that much, but I’ve never been able to fully understand the cultural references when people drop lines from these must-watch movies in day-to-day conversations.

And then this morning…

Someone at Crossfit was dawdling with picking up their bar and I heard one of the guys yell: “Get down!” with the full Arnie accent.

Ah hah, I thought. Terminator! I totally get it!

Doesn’t seem like a bit deal, but I now feel like I’m part of this secret club of movie quoters, instead of kinda sorta knowing what people are talking about…but not feeling fully confident to join in.

Anyway, here’s a list of famous movie lines I had always known…but had never seen the movie:

“I’ll be back” – every single Terminator movie

“We’re gonna need a bigger boat” – Jaws

“Buy the ticket, take the ride.” – Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

The entire pottery scene from Ghost.

“I am Groot” – Guardians of the Galaxy

“I am your father” – The Empire Strikes Back

“Get away from her, you bitch!” – Aliens

“If it bleeds, we can kill it” – Predator

“It’s not a tumour!” – Kindergarten Cop

“You are the most talented, most interesting, and most extraordinary person in the universe. And you are capable of amazing things. Because you are the Special.” – The Lego Movie

If you’re in the same position as me and am also lacking the movie experience department, do yourself a favour and download a bunch and get watching. You’ll soon be quoting every single Terminator line like a pro :)

So it’s Friday night.

I’ve just finished eating a delicious lamb roast dinner with my boyfriend, he’s ducked out to get some emergency milk for a late-night pancake feast, and I’ve taken the opportunity to get started on today’s blog post.

And up until about 5 minutes ago, I didn’t have a clue as to what to write about.

And then I remembered a conversation I had with my friend Trudy yesterday. We were talking about this blogging challenge, and she asked:

Something happens in me where I feel restless unless I get it ‘off my chest’. These types of posts are faily easy to write – I’ll be itching to get to my laptop and I’ll furiously type until it’s all out…and then I’ll go back and refine it :)

2. Questions I get asked

If someone shows interest in you and what you do, chances are someone else will be interested to learn the same thing too. And this is great for idea-generating fodder!

For example, when I first started this blog, I had a lot of colleagues make comments about my deliciously healthy home-made lunches. So I wrote a blog post about how I made my lunch (it’s still one of my personal favourites).

When I run a workshop, I always take note of the questions I get asked – and then I turn my answers into a podcast episode. Too easy!

So think about what people come to for. What do they ask you? Do you get a lot of repeat questions? All of these are great clues as to what you could write/speak about.

3. Conversations I’ve had

Sometimes I find myself having awesome, compelling discussions with people and it makes me think: “We have to share this!”

4. List resources or learnings

This is easy. Write the title: “10 things I learned in 2015” or “15 things I’d love to do before I die” or “5 amazing health and fitness resources” etc, and just list out a bunch of stuff! You only have to write a couple of lines for each one.

This forces you to come up with a bunch of ideas all at once, but you don’t have to elaborate on them, so it takes the pressure off.

And then…

5. Expand on something you wrote in the list post

Looking back at my “16 things I’ve done in 2016 so far” post, I could easily expand most of those points into entire blog posts. This is great if I’m feeling a bit stuck for ideas.

6. Consume other people’s content

Listen to podcasts, read other blogs, watch videos, and use them as inspiration. Enough said.

Just before I wrap up, I have two more pointers for you:

Don’t ever be afraid of sharing your ideas. This allows other people to contribute and potentially make your idea even better. Win! (And don’t be disheartened if they think it’s a bad idea…go share with more people and get a wider cross section of opinions.)

The more ideas you share, the more you will generate. Don’t worry, you’re not going to “run out of ideas” if you put them out there. In fact, I’ve found that when you empty your idea tank, you’re forced to refill it. Holding on to ideas and not sharing or implementing them will only make them stale. So don’t be afraid to give them life and put them out there!

In 2015 I spent a good part of the year house sitting.

It was a great way to live at the time. Not having to pay rent was rather delightful, especially in the first year of my business.

I house sat for friends, friends of friends, and people who found me online. Each stint ranged from 3 weeks to 7 weeks, and I was very fortunate to be able to hop from one place to the next.

During this time, I had no fixed place of work.

I’d work from home, cafes, libraries, etc. It worked for a little while, but with the constant moving I found myself spending more and more energy deciding on where to work.

Remember how I wrote about ‘mind chatter’ in my post about constraint? I experienced the full force of it. After moving to a new place, my daily mind chatter would go something like this:

Should I work from home today? Maybe I should go to a cafe? I could spend a couple of hours at home, then go to a cafe later…but which cafe should I go to? Do I just want a coffee, or should I eat there? Hmm, maybe I should go to a library instead…wait, is there a library around? Is it within walking distance? Should I drive? What’s the parking like…

…and so on.

Making a decision about how and where to work was taking up more mental energy than the actual work itself.

Something had to change.

So I bit the bullet and joined Hub. I bought a membership that gave me 24/7 access to the office space, meeting rooms and kitchen.

I decided that I would treat Hub like a normal 9-5 office: I’d get up every day, go to ‘work’, spend 8 hours there, and come home. And it didn’t matter where I was living, I’d always work from the same place.

This alleviated the need to make a million decisions about my work day every morning. Win!

And so I began spending every day at Hub.

I got involved with the community, introduced myself to people and went to as many events as I could. It was great fun! I had a whole new bunch of friends, I was surrounded my like-minded people and I felt part of a community.

The only problem was, I wasn’t getting any work done.

I’d come in early in the morning when it was quiet, get maybe about an hour of work done, then I’d go to the kitchen and start chatting to someone while making coffee. Back at my desk, other people would come in and say hi, what’s up, what are you working on, let’s catch up for coffee, etc etc etc. And being the social person that I am, I found it really difficult to say: “I’m actually working right now, can we talk later?”

I even tried wearing big ‘fuck off’ headphones to deter people from talking to me. But that only prompted people to wave furiously in my face.

I am fully aware it’s my own fault for allowing these interruptions, but one morning when my friend Frankie said: “I love Hub and the people are great, but I just don’t get any work done!” I knew it also had something to do with the environment.

So I tried something new.

I thought about the types of work I do. It falls into 3 main categories: creative, admin and client work.

I then planned how I would work on each category at different times of the day:

I know that I am most productive, creative and energetic in the mornings. So I needed a ‘morning’ work space where I could work comfortably and uninterrupted for a solid 2 hours.

The solution? A cafe. And it had to be the same cafe every day to avoid that pesky mind chatter. I love the cafe solution because I like the energy of the background buzz, no-one disturbs you, and you feel bad about staying longer than a couple of hours (well, I do anyway), so it forces you to get your work done and leave!

2. Admin (email, writing quotes, invoicing, other financial stuff)

This stuff I can do with my eyes closed, and is for the afternoon when my creativity is low. Coming to Hub for admin work is great, because I need frequent breaks, so having other people to talk to helps get my energy levels up.

I do this in the late afternoon or evenings. It works well, because as most of my clients have full time jobs, we meet after 6pm anyway. And as an extrovert, I feel energised when I’m around other people, so working with clients late in the day automatically gives me a much-needed energy boost. (If you’re wondering, when I record voice overs I pretend I’m talking to another person anyway…so it’s almost the same!)

Since implementing this system, I’ve found I am much more productive.

I get my 2 solid hours of creative work done in the morning, then I head to Hub for the afternoon and schedule client meetings in the late afternoon or early evening. Of course, my schedule isn’t consistently like this every day, but I try my best to stick to it.

So if you feel like you’re being unproductive at work, think about the types of work you do, and what the best times of day are for that type of work. Then, focus on what you can do to help you get your best work done: can you schedule meetings for certain times of the day? Can you block off your mornings for your most important work? Can you find a place to work alone, even if it’s for an hour? Even if you tweak one little thing, you may find it makes a huge difference.

Thanks for reading! I’ll see you tomorrow for Day 16 of the Blogging Challenge!

I started writing this post…oh…back in March, and it’s since been wallowing in a sad sub-existence in my drafts folder.

(Hence the random nature of my article themes. This challenge is basically 12 months of thoughts crammed into 30 days).

Anyway, in Feb/March I spent 4 weeks in the Philippines with Rotary International on their ‘Group Vocational Exchange’ program. I had never experienced a culture like it before. If you’re thinking of going and want to fit in with the locals, here are my recommendations.

How to be Filipino

1. Plan your day around meal times

“Filipinos love to eat” is an understatement. They live to eat.

You know how we (Australians) will often “catch up for a coffee” or have business meetings “over coffee”? In the Philippines, business meetings are always done “over lunch”.

And they’ll bring out food even when it’s not lunchtime.

I remember, on a visit to the Chief of Police, we were chatting away when they brought out coffee and an array of local cakes. Then they brought out a prawn salad. Then they started ladling out bowlfuls of pad thai noodles.

It was 10.30am.

When I remarked about the amount of food, the Chief of Police smiled and said: “This is morning tea.”

2. Spend half your day in traffic

I’ve never witnessed traffic as bad as in Manila. It takes at least an hour to get anywhere, even if you’re only going around the corner.

Unfortunately, they don’t have a very effective rail system for public transport, which means the streets are packed with cars, motorbikes, jeepneys (the most common form of PT) and buses.

One of the Rotarians, a real estate agent, told me he can only plan for one appointment a day because of the traffic. He said that if he has a meeting in the morning (over an early lunch, of course), he physically can’t make it across town for a meeting in the afternoon.

I wondered how the locals managed to be productive.

Turns out, a lot of business owners have drivers to take them to and from meetings. And while they’re in the car, they work.

I had to adopt the ‘car as second office’ mentality too. When we were picked up from our host homes and taken to our various meetings/activities, I learned to bring my laptop to write and prepare for my presentations on the go. I even recorded a podcast episode during one drive home!

3. Aim to please

All the Filipinos we met were incredibly hospitable. At first I thought it was a Rotary thing, but then I was told no, it’s a Filipino thing.

We were completely spoilt for the 4 weeks. We were housed, fed, taken to restaurants, shows, tours etc. And everyone was so willing to help. Any time we had a concern or a question, they were happy and willing to listen.

I also felt incredibly special every time I spoke at a university. I was often met at the schools with commercially-printed banners saying “Welcome Christina Canters – The C Method!”

One school even prepared a traditional dance for me – I was so touched, I actually welled up (and believe me, I do not cry easily!)

4. Get a videoke set for your house

One thing I share with Filipinos is a love of singing.

After I gave a presentation on entrepreneurship and communication to a group of 500 graduating business students, one girl stood up and said “Miss Christina, you write in your bio that you like to sing. Can you sing us a song?”

All the students began cheering in unison. I couldn’t believe it. Where else would you get asked to sing in a lecture??

(For the record, yes, I did sing…and I ended up singing in most of my following presentations. Somehow, I don’t think it will have the same impact here in Australia…)

Anyway, videoke is an extremely popular pastime in the Philippines, whether it’s out at a bar or in your house with friends. They even busted out the karaoke at Rotary meetings and the Rotary conference. Can you imagine that happening here?? Not on your life!

5. Carry toilet paper with you at all times

I had a newfound appreciation for toilet paper when I came home. Do not take it for granted, people!! In the Philippines it is very rare for any establishment to provide toilet paper – even if it’s a nice restaurant.

6. Take copious amounts of photos

It was ongoing and constant. I’ve never seen people take so many photos in my life!

But hey, it meant I didn’t have to post anything to Facebook…it was all done for me :)

7. Develop a mega sweet tooth

Filipinos LOVE their desserts. We were very fortunate to be able to try many of the local delicacies, including cassava cake, sponge cake, little coconut things and fried banana (my favourite).

But if you don’t like sugar in your drinks, beware. The coffee is served very sweet, and if you get a fresh fruit smoothie or juice, they usually add half a cup (yes, that’s correct) of sugar syrup to the mix.

Can can order smoothies with “no sugar”, but be prepared to receive some strange looks.

8. Outsource your chores

Not only is the Philippines a great place to outsource your business admin to, the locals also outsource their housework.

All the families I stayed with had help with laundry, cooking and cleaning. Oh, how I would love to do the same! (All I have to do is make a bunch more money or move to the Philippines…I wonder which is easier?)

9. Don’t wear your ‘outside shoes’ inside

It’s common in Asian cultures to have a weird phobia of dirty feet. If you have Asian friends, you may notice they always have a little shoe rack next to the front door, where you place your outside shoes and switch them for flip flops or slippers.

It’s the same in the Philippines. I remember taking my shoes off at the front door of my host home and walking barefoot to my room. My host mum gasped and ran over to me, clutching a pair of slippers. “Here, wear these!” she said. “Oh, I’m fine, I don’t need slippers,” I replied. “No, the floor is dusty!” She insisted, “You must wear these!”

So if you want to be a great guest, always be aware of the appropriate footwear for wearing in one’s house :)

10. Show respect to your elders

In Tagalog, the language of the Philippines, they say ‘po’ at the end of a sentence or phrase to show respect.

For example, you’d say “Magandang gabi” (which means “good evening”) to a friend, but you’d say “Magandang gabi po” to an elder or to anyone whom you’d like to show respect. And I noticed the students would use “po” with me, even in English. They’d say: “Thank you po!” and “You’re welcome po!” which I thought was lovely.

I was asked what the English equivalent of “po” is, and the best I could think of was: we just pronounce our words properly! Would you agree?? For example, if we’re in a formal situation or need to show respect, we say “yes” and “no” instead of “yeah” or “nah” or even “aww…yeaaahhh…naaahhh”.

And even then…

Anyway, I wish we did have a “po” equivalent. Someone’s gotta teach them kids some respect…

I’ve always been a Facebook friending minimalist.

300 friends was my limit. And when I reached 300, I had a “one friend in, one friend out” rule.

Why?

I didn’t want to have thousands of ‘friends’ I barely even know. Besides, I was sharing so much of myself through my podcast, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc, my personal Facebook profile was the only sacred place where I could share actual ‘personal’ stuff with my real friends.

At the time, my thought process was: if I wouldn’t go out partying with you, I wouldn’t add you as a Facebook friend.

But then I quit my job and went travelling. As I met more and more people and made friends with other entrepreneurs and podcasters, the lines between ‘business’ and ‘personal’ began to blur. I’d meet people at conferences – clearly ‘business’ context – and then we’d go out partying. Then they’d friend request me. What to do? My old rule about Facebook friending no longer worked.

So I created a new rule: I’ll friend you on Facebook if we’ve met in person.

That rule seemed to work for a while, but then I started building relationships with people online, without having met them in person. I liked them, I trusted them, I considered them actual friends.

But what I’m finding now as my brand builds, I get more speaking engagements and I become part of more communities, the friend requests are becoming more frequent…and they’re mostly from people I don’t know. And I find myself in this predicament: to friend or not to friend?

After all:

These people could be podcast listeners – who know?

They may have been told about me by a mutual friend – and perhaps they are genuinely keen to connect?

Having a bigger Facebook network means my stuff will be seen by more people – that can only be a good thing, right?

But on the other hand:

What if they are random trolls?

They may have just added me because I’m part of a particular community – I don’t want to be ‘friends’ with people who just want more connections!

Now, the problem with Facebook is it doesn’t require you to add a message when you send a friend request. At least with LinkedIn, you have an opportunity to write something like: “Hey so-and-so, I’m a fan of your blog; I’m also part of the ____ community; would you be willing to connect with me here? Cheers, Christina”

On Facebook, you have to send a ‘message request’, which some people may not check, or assume is spam. And most people don’t bother to make the effort, they just hit “Add as friend”.

It’s a feature I hope they add to Facebook in the future.

A possible solution

I toyed with sending the following messages to unknown people who friend requested me:

“Hi there, thanks for your friend request. I actually only friend people I’ve met in person, but if you’d like to follow my page, please click here. Thanks, Christina”

Or:

“Hi there, thanks for your friend request. I’m sorry, I can’t seem to remember where we met. Can you remind me? Thanks!”

I once had a guy write back:

“Oh we haven’t met, but I see we’re in the same ‘Digital Nomad’ Facebook group, so I was just adding everyone from the group.”

Uh, no, we cannot be friends.

What do you think?

Since then, I haven’t kept up with it and I have a bunch of friend requests sitting there. So what do you think? Do I let everyone in? Do I ask them all to follow my page? Where would you draw the line?

If you could wear whatever you wanted – anything at all – and you were GUARANTEED it wouldn’t change what people thought of you…

…what would you wear?

If you could dance the way YOU wanted to dance – and you knew people wouldn’t laugh at your silly moves…

…how would you dance?

And if you knew that you could strike up a conversation with anyone – a stranger – and they would be warm and friendly towards you…

…who would you speak to, and what would you say?

I had this exact experience earlier this year during Rainbow Serpent, an annual music, arts and culture festival.

It’s held on a private property in country Victoria, about 2 hours west of Melbourne. It’s a 4 days festival, held over Australia Day weekend in late January.

I had never been before, and only went because my boyfriend Aaron (a regular Rainbow goer), had raved on and on about it.

My sister Lizzay and I packed our car with food, sunscreen, an array of costumes and 6 litres of coconut water. We arrived at the festival location and were met with a slow moving line of vehicles, crawling along an orange dusty road.

The festival staff checked our tickets and our car for glass bottles. We continued the slow journey to our campsite, passing through what could only be called a tent city. It would have looked like any other festival, except for the private DJ booths, wildly decorated marquees and electric couches on wheels.

The camp ground was only a taste of the crazy, fabulous and and deliciously ridiculous things I would witness at Rainbow Serpent.

We set up camp, and went to explore the festival. The music was mostly psych trance and electronic – performed by DJs on beautifully designed stages. Around the festival arena were enormous art installations. There was a market area, food stalls, tents where they held storytelling workshops and yoga.

And that was only during the day.

At night, the whole place transformed into a glowing, pulsating mix of music, flashing light shows and human bodies, all moving as one glittery, amorphous mass. At dawn, the stages would still be packed with the hardcore punters, pounding the dusty ground to the heavy beat.

(By the end of the festival it was common to see people hobbling around with bandaids plastered to their toes – clearly an indication of too much fun.)

And the costumes!

Think of the most outrageous, outlandish outfit possible – and someone at Rainbow will out-do you. There were fairies, there were silver space suits, there was the entire character cast of Mario Kart.

There were people dressed as unicorns, flamingos, bacon and eggs. And as the festival went on and inhibitions went down, the costumes got more outlandish.

I was in awe the entire time.

Rainbow Serpent is a giant playground for adults, where no rules apply. There is no dress code, no mobile phone reception, and no 1am curfew. You can dance all night, watch the sun come up, eat breakfast, and keep dancing. It’s definitely not for the faint hearted, or footed. It took me about a day to take it all in, and then I fell in love with the place.

3 things I learned:

1. Remove all rules…and things still work

The only rule they had at Rainbow was: No Glass. But apart from that, you could do what you wanted. You’d think that letting tens of thousands of people loose in a giant paddock with no rules would be a disaster, but it was quite the contrary.

With their unlimited freedom, people were able to self organise. Everyone was courteous, there was no pushing and shoving; if someone wanted to set up their own mini bar in the middle of the dance floor, that was fine. If you wanted to gently push your way to the front of the stage, that was fine too. If you wanted to share someone else’s picnic rug – no worries, go ahead!

There were a handful of cops there, but I didn’t see a single person arrested during the 5 days at the festival. Nor did I see any punch-ons.

Everyone was responsible for themselves and their own wellbeing. And you know what? When people have that freedom to choose for themselves, they behave!

Imagine how this could work when applied to our workplace, our children, our partners, our society. Why do we rebel? Because someone else has created rules for us. They have placed restrictions on what we can and can’t do. And it’s suffocating. We can’t express ourselves or be who we truly are. And so we play up, push back, screw up.

Try removing some rules and let people take responsibility for themselves. You may be surprised at what happens.

2. How to live in the moment

There is zero phone reception at Rainbow. You can’t call people and say “Where are you?!” or “Meet me here!” or “I’m lost!”

It’s actually quite liberating. You don’t have to be at a certain place at a certain time – ever. My friends and I lost each other all the time, but there was no panic; we just figured we’d see them back at camp at some point. There was no rushing around, no running late.

Time became a loose concept. We learned to use the sun as our clock.

And routine? Forget it. The music plays all night, you have breakfast at 3am, you go to bed as the sun rises, you sleep in…and you find yourself having conversations that go something like:

“What time is it?”

“Umm, I don’t know. Maybe 7??”

“A.M. or P.M?”

Yes, your body clock gets quite messed up.

But you know what I learned? To live in the moment. The only place I had to be was wherever I was, right there, in that place, at that time. I wasn’t thinking about “What next?” or “What am I having for dinner?” or “Hang on, I have to meet so-and-so at 5.30! Gotta leave in 10 minutes!”

Rather, I enjoyed the music, was fully present in conversations, and was wildly observant of all the wacky and wonderful festival sights.

This is something I’d love to do more of in my day-to-day life. I often find myself thinking too much about the future and all the things I need to do, as well as jumping from one thought (and task) to the next.

I mentioned in an earlier blog post I’ve been practicing mindful walking — where I walk along the beach and focus on the ocean, the plants, the sunrise, my own footsteps. Sounds simple, but it’s not easy, and I’m doing my best to improve.

Right now, I’m writing this post in a cafe with my phone on silent, and my email and Facebook closed. I’m not doing anything else until I’ve finished this post.

Eventually, I’d like to be able to do all my tasks just as mindfully.

I challenge you to start bringing some mindfulness into your daily life. And see if it brings more calmness, less stress and more productivity.

3. Remove all fear of judgement – and you can truly be yourself

The Rainbow Serpent environment was probably the least judgemental place I’ve ever experienced.

Everyone was extremely friendly and welcoming. They’d strike up conversations in the line for the bathroom. They would compliment you on your outfit or your dancing. There were no snooty ‘up and down’ looks.

People wore whatever they wanted – because it didn’t matter how crazy or outlandish you dressed, there was always someone who looked more ridiculous than you.

One thing I love about costumes is they bring out people’s true characters.

It’s funny how we tend to wear a mask during our ‘normal’ lives: we have our ‘work’ mask, our ‘family’ mask; a different mask for different friend groups. But when you’re in costume (and literally wearing a mask), you’re not you — you’re in ‘character’, which means you can behave…

…like you.

You can speak your truth, you can dance like a demon, you can express yourself fully, and you can be totally ok if someone questions you, because you’re ‘in character’. Right?

So I encouraged you to start letting a bit more of ‘you’ into your daily life.

But to do this, you need to pinpoint the areas where you care too much about what people think. Maybe it’s the way you dress, the way you speak, the opinions you have. And once you’ve done this, ask yourself:

Do those people’s opinions really matter? How does caring what these people think make me a better person? And if they do judge me, what’s the worst thing that could possibly happen?

And once you can learn to let go your fear of judgement, you’ll start to experience a life where you can live true to who you are, and you’ll become a better person not just for yourself, but also for those around you.

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oh hi there!

I'm Christina. In February 2014, I quit my 9-5 job to travel the world and do what I love. I'm here to help you get outside your comfort zone, build a positive mindset and live a frickin' awesome life. Along with a silly video or two. You know you wanna keep reading...