Over the course of her career, sexologist Dr. Carol Queen has been, among many things, an educator, an activist, a writer, and a performer. Through her columns at Good Vibrations (where she is Staff Sexologist) and Spectator Magazine she despenses advice on sex and relationship, and few could be more qualified.

In 1975 she helped found GAYouth, one of the first groups for underage gays and lesbians in the United States, in Eugene, Oregon, and her work in the homosexual and bisexual community continues to this day. She is a co-founder (with her life-partner) of the non-profit Center for Sex and Culture.

Dr. Queen is also a noted, award-winning essayist, commentator, and writer of explicit fiction, whose work has appeared in countless publications. She has also written for, and performed in, many adult-oriented videos, such as Bend Over Boyfriend: A Couple's Guide to Male Anal Pleasure, Bend Over Boyfriend 2: Less Talkin', More Rockin', G Marks The Spot: A Good Vibrations Guide to the G-Spot, and Sexual Ecstasy for Couples.

The good Doctor and I corresponded recently about her career, sex, the 2004 elections, and naturally, more sex:

Keith Daniels: What motivated you to become a professional Sexologist?

Dr. Carol Queen: Lifelong interest, really, although who knew in fifth grade that there was such a thing? I was the 10-year-old who started sneaking into the grownups' library to get my questions answered, the only 12-year-old at the slumber party to declare I wasn't going to wait til I got married to lose my virginity, and the 17-year-old who could clear out the dinner table at my college dorm by reading out loud from the Kinsey Report. I found I valued experience and book learning, so when I heard about the program in San Francisco that trains people to be sexologists (the school is called the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality), I made my plans to attend. That was in the mid-1980s, when the HIV epidemic was beginning to change the sexual world for many people, and getting a degree as a sex educator seemed like a true way to help the world.

KD: You've been working in this field for over 25 years now. How do you feel that the sexual culture of the Western world has changed since you started?

CQ: From queer youth activism in the 1970s to the present, it's true that I've seen a lot of cultural change surrounding sex, and I've seen a lot that hasn't changed much as well. I believe there was then, and still is today, a sexual counterculture -- today we would call it the "sex-positive community," though that term wasn't in general use then. Certainly the LGBT [Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgendered] community has made many gains (with many more still to be made). A couple of really notable things: much of the culture got conservative in the 1980s, frightened by AIDS and hoodwinked by Reagan, but the need to respond to the threat of HIV set the stage for much more open and common sexual discourse in the 1990s. In the late 1970s and early 1980s feminism was no friend to this sexual counterculture -- which set the stage for the advent of sex-positive feminism, which has really opened up discussion for sexual stigma within feminism and in the larger culture.

At Good Vibrations, more and more people (of all genders) have opened up to the idea of sexual exploration with toys and with different flavors of partner sex. Our customer base includes more mainstream people than it did when we opened, by far.

But the biggest change in the air is the growing numbers of people who are trans-identified. Diversity of sex and gender experience is not mainstream or accepted by any means, but we have made some important strides in that direction.

KD: How close do you feel America is to a full acceptance of homosexuals and other "alternative" sexual lifestyles?

CQ: Not terribly close, although I think many, many more people are comfortable with these kinds of variations than were back in the day. This kind of social change is many-leveled, and some parts of the country are just more conservative than others. Still, out queer folk, and people of many other sex and relationship lifestyles, can be found all over. That's the key to gradual acceptance -- people knowing other people who are not completely like themselves. That's what makes possible diverse community of all kinds.

KD: Sexuality is universal, and a person's sexual practices are almost always a private concern. That being said, why do you feel humans are so bothered, and fascinated, by lifestyles that differ from theirs?

CQ: I think many humans are nosy and competitive, for one thing, but there are ingrown sex-phobias that virtually all of us grow up with that are age-old (this includes homophobia, biphobia, and so on). Conservative religious teaching enforces them, from there they are often codified into law (like the sodomy law that was [recently] overturned), and families and peer groups teach (or at least don't eradicate) them. For all our talk about American liberty, there isn't a huge amount of tolerance in the U.S. for diversity of sexual possibility, though there has certainly been progress on this front. To be different sexually (or in many other ways) means that we might threaten our relationship with family or friends; that's the reason so many alternative sexuality communities exist -- to keep people supported and not isolated.

KD: From a sexually inclusive perspective, what are your thoughts on the 2004 elections, and on the candidates thus far?

CQ: I think the Republicans are a disaster for sex and relationship diversity. Any doubt we might have had about "compassionate conservatism" was squelched when W appointed John Ashcroft [as Attorney General], a guy who can't even stand to get his picture taken in front of a bare-breasted statue. I'm not sure the Democrats have shaken out on this issue yet, but Dean and Kucinich both seem pretty strong in this area -- well, comparatively. I don't know of any politician with the values and nerve to speak out about sex the way I'd like to hear it addressed.

And of course in the California recall we can choose between porn starlet Mary Carey and the great libertarian, Larry Flynt! (But if we do, unfortunately, we'll be casting a vote for Republicans who like to steal elections.)

KD: What do you feel women look for when they shop for pornography? What would most women like to see in porn?

CQ: In my view, women's tastes can't be boiled down too much -- there are women who like all kinds of things, including really hard-core stuff, but here's the biggest female porn-watching bias I've seen: women want to know who the characters are that are having sex. They want to know the context. Sometimes that means extra plot, but often that's not necessary if the erotic logic of a coupling is revealed. Women also don't usually want to watch people having sex who aren't having a good time. They want to be able to relate to the woman's enjoyment in the scene, if possible. (Of course, there are women viewers who like gay men's porn most of all -- no women on the screen at all, not to mention better-looking men!)

CQ: Well, they have put some, but their ideas of what women want are sometimes a little off the mark. It's a rather conservative industry, strangely enough, and was (and in many corners still is) really an old-boys' network. Outspoken women have had an influence, but much of what the porn industry does is go with what worked last year last decade... you get the drift.

If porn were readily available and not stigmatized, it would be easier, I think, for the public to get through with its requests and demands -- men as well as women. We have to remember that this is an industry which periodically gets prosecuted and which many consumers are too ashamed to stand up and support.

KD: In the realm of female-positive adult-entertainment, who do you think is doing good work?

CQ: Well, first, hats off to the pioneers like Candida Royalle (of Femme Productions), and Fatale Video. I'm always thrilled to see ex-porn stars get behind the camera (like Royalle, Annie Sprinkle, Veronica Hart, and many others), because porn stars know intimately what it's like to be in front of a camera and what they'd like to see done differently; plus, they -- not the producers -- have usually gone out and talked to the public, so they're in the very best position to hear what porn consumers like and dislike.

I should certainly mention Good Vibrations' video line, Sexpositive Productions, because we're making videos based on the extensive feedback we get from our customers, who want to see women with natural bodies, more diversity, and more sexy sex education. We just finished a movie about the g-spot, which I wrote and presented -- specifically because we have so many customers who wanted more information about g-spot play.

My very favorite companies right now are SIR Productions (they did Bend Over Boyfriend 2, Sugar High Glitter City, and other dyke and pansexual movies) and Libido Video, whose videos are beautiful and sexy.

KD: What do you feel are the benefits of female and worker-owned businesses?

CQ: Women, and workers, can both be one-down groups in this culture; women usually still don't make as much as men even in well-paying fields, for example. So both women and workers can benefit by owning their own labor and setting the terms. Worker-owned businesses like Good Vibrations allow workers to share the money made by the business, but more importantly, also facilitate people taking responsibility and sharing decisions. It helps people grow.

In terms of the sex business, also, I think people still find women-owned businesses unusual -- well, we are still pretty unusual! -- and this opens minds. Plus women do things differently when we run sex businesses. I think these kinds of stores are still far more comfortable for women, of course, but a lot of men appreciate our way of doing things more, as well.

KD: You've been featured in several adult videos, sometimes even as a performer. Did that experience give you some perspective into the lives of the sex-industry workers you've written and talked about?

CQ: Oh, absolutely. Being in front of the camera while you're being sexual is a very singular experience. Plenty of people talk about adult movies, but not so many of them have been there. I've not experienced the breadth that busy porn performers do, but I've had enough sex-movie experience to give me some insight, I think -- plus I know a good many adult performers personally, so I can ask questions of the real experts! I've also done more sex work than just movies, including an eye-opening stint at the Lusty Lady peep show in 1990. I do a solo show about it, and am happy to report that the Lusty Ladies have just bought the business and are becoming a co-op!

KD: Several of the videos in which you've been featured concern the topic of "bend over boyfriend" techniques. What do you feel a heterosexual relationship gains by this practice? For example, I'm wondering if you feel the man in question gains a deeper understanding of his female partner's experience.

CQ: I do think that's a benefit of bending over, if you're a boyfriend. Yes, penetration sex can be different when you're the catcher rather than the pitcher, and I think it's good for both men and women to understand some of the feelings that go with the role they don't usually enact. I also think anal sex for a man is so taboo that it automatically can become an intimate and sometimes transcendent experience -- taboo transcending for sure, and when a couple shares this, it can be very hot and very moving. It may also encourage them to explore in other ways. Many guys love anal play they have that handy prostate right in there -- and no matter what a man's sexual orientation is, both partners can find lots of pleasure in it.

KD: For those couples that are squeamish about something that kinky, but feel their sex life is a little vanilla -- what would you recommend?

CQ: Exhibitionism! Erotic talk, too, which I actually think is another version of visual exhibitionism. For one thing, these can spice up a sex life a little or a lot. For another, they are just taboo-breaking enough to make it easier to communicate about, and possibly try, other things. They're great for shy people because you can add them incrementally (that's the whole focus of my book Exhibitionism for the Shy) and they can really add to one's sexual self-esteem and sense of adventure -- and there are a zillion ways to do them.

KD: What is the number one complaint you hear from women in regard to their sex lives?

CQ: I still hear from a lot of women who can't come reliably, especially through intercourse. Most women don't orgasm with intercourse (unless you add more direct clitoral stimulation, anyway), but it certainly doesn't seem as though that word is getting out. For a woman to have optimally pleasurable sex she has to know about her body, and her partner has to know about it as well. She needs to have enough time to get aroused, and to feel safe enough to get aroused in the first place. A lot can get in the way of this, not least of which are negative social attitudes. Thank goodness some "slut stigma" has faded, but it isn't completely gone. Today young women are expected to be sexy without the culture giving them tools of knowledge and, too often, good self-esteem.

KD: And from men?

CQ: Well, two things. Lots of men know enough to feel on the spot about pleasing women. A lot of guys know their partners aren't optimally happy in the sack, but don't know what to do about it. Too many guys have bought into the notion that if they last a long time or have a big dick, that'll do it. For some women both these factors matter, but they're not the bottom line. The bottom line is understanding sexual response in the first place.

The other thing: lots of men want to explore and do different things with their partners, and can't find a way to talk about it or don't have partners who want to try the same things.

KD: Vibrators and dildos are doing more business than ever before, but is there a toy that is often overlooked that you feel is worthwhile?

CQ: Well, each category of toy has its "sleepers." My big fave when it comes to penetration play: tritone balls. That's a series of three balls on a string that can be inserted vaginally, and then you tug on the string to add stimulation. It stimulates in a different way than a dildo, and is great for women who have sensitive g-spots. I'm also a bondage fan. People think that'd be the gateway to getting all kinky, but just having sex the old-fashioned way when tied up is a very erotic trip -- if you've got a trustworthy partner who'll open the cuffs when you say so.

KD: The men's section of most adult shops is often paltry at best. Do you feel there is a greater stigma attached to purchasing sex-toys for men than there is for women?

CQ: As a matter of fact, yes, especially for heterosexual men -- not so much for gay and bi guys. Male sexual culture tends to emphasize getting pleasure with partners -- well, so does female sexual culture, but plenty of women don't get enough -- so a woman complains to her friend, who tells her to try a vibrator. Straight men's culture tends not to make as much space for that kind of sharing and encouragement, and the guys who make the toys are primarily straight guys. I also have to say that some women-run sex shops -- this was true of Good Vibes years ago -- didn't stock much specifically for men. We've definitely tried to remedy that oversight, plus we remind men (and women) that men can play with almost any toy that a woman can. Guys often love vibrators; many men like dildos.

KD: What toys would you recommend for the men-folk?

CQ: Try vibes! So many people think they're only for women, but the nerves on the head of the penis function pretty much the way the nerves do on the clitoris. We really are not from Mars and Venus, you know.

KD: What do feel the most important factor is in achieving a long-term relationship that continues to be sexually satisfying?

CQ: Making sex and sexual intimacy a priority, and addresing head-on any discrepancies in desire or desired type of play. For instance, she can masturbate if she wants to have sex more than her partner; he can ask his partner to share verbal fantasies of things they might not choose to try in real life.

KD: After 25-plus years of discussing sexuality, are you ever surprised by anything?

CQ: Only that so little has really changed. Each individual still has to overcome social taboos to make sex a priority, it seems, and I wish our society had different values than that. We still need better education than we get.

KD: What would your version of utopia be like?

CQ: We'd live in a culture that valued sex, educated people so they could have good sex, and supported consensual sexual difference. It would be more comfortable with other kinds of diversity, too, and would have different values around issues like work, consumerism, spirituality, and nationalism. In this historical moment it doesn't seem very near, I can tell you that, but I'm heartened by the fact that I talk to so many people, all over the country, who are looking for some slice of utopia in their own lives. May we all get closer to it.

Keith said:
Actually, y'know what? What if one of the girls had done an interview with a guy that a lot of men look up to, and I came on here and said "It would've been better if a guy had done it."? Hmm?

its just the fact that their are some really talented women on this site and i'm kinda disappointed that all the interviews and articles that we have are written by guys. it seems as if we should utilize the talented beautiful women on this site for something other than pretty pics. and i agree that pomosexuals is fabulous and real live nude girls is one of my favorite books of all time.

Tina said:
its just the fact that their are some really talented women on this site and i'm kinda disappointed that all the interviews and articles that we have are written by guys. it seems as if we should utilize the talented beautiful women on this site for something other than pretty pics.

i agree, though as far as i know, there's nothing stopping any of the ladies on this site from writing an article or interview, or recommending their favorite writer. we've posted a few articles by women writers in the past but not nearly enough.