This is a place to ask parenting related questions and get some insight into how to handle things.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Who gets a shower?

Today in class we had a brief discussion of who gets a wedding shower / baby shower. As I figured it would be, the purpose of a shower has been lost through he years.

When asked what is the purpose of a shower the answer was. - To get or give gifts.

Why give gifts? - Because they are getting married.

If someone has lived with their fiancee for 3 - 5 years and they are now going to get married, do they get a shower? - Of course they do, they are getting married.

Wedding showers are no longer associated with the starting of a household together.

Baby showers are now something that the mother deserves for each child, because they are having a baby. It is an opportunity to rake in more presents.

This generation has never known of a world without bridal and baby registries. Having a shower or multiple showers is now a right.

The only place that they drew a line was if people ask for entertainment (big screen TV's, X-Box or Wii) as wedding presents. The rationale is "why should we pay for their entertainment." Why not, we are paying for everything else.

It is not that every child does not deserve to be celebrated that bothers me. It is that the mom deserves presents because she is going to have a baby. I realize that this is largely a generational thing. The negitive is based on changes by generation. In the past first pregnancies got a shower as a way to help get the parents ready with the supplies they would need. Over time that has changed. My students (90% not married and without children) saw it as a bonus for themselves. It is kind of like on Halloween when we have parents come trick-or-treating with their 2 week old newborn. When I have asked them about why they do it, the focus is that if candy is being given away then they deserve to get some also. Back when I was growing up you stopped trick-or-treating once you hit about the 8th grade. Now it goes through high school for some and well beyond for others.

Wedding showers were to help get a couple set up with the household things they would need to get started. This of course has been lost over the past 20 years. Now it is a shower for showers sake.

I asked, what about if someone is getting married in their 40's and it is their second marriage? Do you still have a shower? The older students all said no. The younger ones all said yes.

Now you also must know that I draw a difference between showers and wedding presents or birth gifts.

I can see where you're coming from on the generational differences. I, too, stopped trick or treating when I was 12. Personally, I would feel totally awkward if I was in my 40s and getting remarried and someone threw me a shower (not that that is going to happen!). However, baby showers do feel different to me, the gifts aren't given to the mother, they are given to the baby. If a mom is having a 2nd child and her first was a boy and this one is a girl, are you still opposed? Just curious...

I see different genders different than the third or fouth child of the same. We had one student a few years ago that got rid of each crib after her children outgrew it because she wanted each to have had their own new crib that they didn't have as a hand-me-down.

I had one parent that spaced her children 8 years apart because she didn't want her children to have to share any of their toys.

Let me tell you though, by the time my oldest three boys had worn all their clothes (many of which had been handed down from Jeni to Debbie to me) they didn't have much life left in them. So I was very grateful for the gifts given for baby Bolton. :)