The Word I’m NOT Choosing this Year

The internet has been abuzz with “word of the year” talk. I’ve joined right in and I shared in my first post of the year that I’m focusing on “content.”

But the other day a new thought occurred to me: What word am I not going to choose this year? What’s the opposite of contentment in my life? It might seem simple to say worry or fear or envy. But none of those rang quite true.

Then as I sat with my dear friends Suzie Eller and Jennifer Watson doing a Facebook Live video, Jennifer said, “When we take the ‘shoulds’ off the table we find out why we’re really waking up in the morning and our true purpose.” That statement kept ringing in my ears and in my heart long after we stopped recording.

I thought back to a year ago when I sat in a counselor’s office and she said to me with a gentle smile, “You say ‘should’ a lot.” I’d tilted my head and responded with surprise, “Really, do I?” It turned out to be true. I had a secret favorite word.

I should do this. I should do that. I shouldn’t feel this way. The applications ranged from flossing to the big, deep questions of my life. As an unintended consequence, fear and guilt could become the motivation behind what I did rather than love.

As I realized the prevalence of “should” in my life and considered the consequences, I began to ask, “What can replace the ‘shoulds’ in my life?” It came to me that gratitude is what belongs in my heart and on my lips.

For example, I took a nap the other day. As I woke up I thought, “I should never have let myself rest. I should have gotten more done during that amount of time. I should be more responsible.” Then I looked at the sunlight streaming through the windows and the squirrels playing tag in the yard because they know their Maker will take care of them. I whispered, “God, thank You for the gift of this nap. I must have really needed it.” I got up and finished my work.

‘Should’ in my life is a shamer and a trickster, a liar and taskmaster. I have decided that for this year I will not speak its name. Instead I will choose love. I will choose gratitude. I will choose contentment.

What is the word you will not choose this year? If you haven’t thought of one yet then maybe take a moment to do so. I’d love to hear…{email subscribers, you can click here to share}.

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I don’t choose one word a year to focus on, mostly because God just doesn’t work in me that way. But I am NOT choosing fear this year….I realize that I get my undies caught up in a bundle about a lot of things that hold me back from living the full life God has chosen for me, so He’s working through that with me these days. Love that our God is gracious and patient and can set us free from our “shoulds” and other things we struggle with.

Such a profound thought to apply, sounds like Proverbs 18:20-21 in action. We have to fill out words and thoughts with the words of life that are His in order to beat that sense of defeat, don’t we? I am grateful for this reminder, Holley.
Blessings,
Dawn

Holley,
I love your post and the video, both have left me encouraged this morning. The word I’m not choosing for this year is defeat. I’ve experienced a lot of defeat and this year is to be a year of victory for me! I was apprehensive to proclaim that word at first, but God has made clear through a confirming word in Romans 8:37 “No despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.” I will not choose defeat, but walk in the victory that God has!
Thanks for sharing. Your words have helped solidify this resolve to see victory and not just accept defeat. Have a blessed day!
~Sherry Stahl
xoxo

I loved this post and will share it. I have thought a lot about expectations lately and am working through a lifetime of having expectations that are unrealistic. The “should be’s” get us into a lot of trouble especially within relationships and I your post has inspired me to think in a more literal way about never saying that word. I was supposed to read this today! I a really excited about reading your book, You’re Loved No Matter What. I just purchased it!

Should can be such a dangerous word! I am so glad you discovered its destructive power, and I love how instead of focusing on the “shoulds” of life, you’re choosing to focus on gratitude. So good, Holley! We can all benefit from doing the same in our lives. <3 The word I'm not focusing on this year is doubt. There are sooooo many things up in the air in my life right now, but I'm just going to trust and wait on the Lord. I am not going to doubt His plan or timing. I choose trust.

Amen, Amen, Amen. This encouraged me this morning. I am going to concentrate on being grateful and rid myself of the “should” word. This is so freeing. I think as women we are our own worst enemies and “should” ourselves to the point of unnecessary shame and discouragement- that then results in ineffectiveness for the Kingdom. God has so much more for us. I am thankful that you shared this with all of us. Much blessing to you, Holley.

God placed “abundance,” to walk in this year. It helps me kick “loss” to the curb. Will I have losses yes because it’s a fallen world but dwelling on it will be what I choose NOT to participate in this year.

whenever i read your blog the first thing that comes to mind is how did she know that is what….but i digress. the word i will choose not to give power to is myself. i have spent a lifetime thinking i had to fix, do or carry myself. time to push myself out of the way and look to Jesus

For me; this year will be one of gratitude and contentment. As a brand new cancer survivor last year I took a journey I never expected to take but followed the path anyway. Sometimes it really, really sucked but I learned to lean in and listen.

Several years ago I walked away from negativity in my life by not allowing myself to get sucked in to the “office drama and/or gossip”. While it was not a popular move to most, it has worked well for me so far and also helped with my new journey. So for me, this year my word and actions will be one free from negativity and will instead concentrate on “rejoicing in hope, being patient in affliction and faithful in prayer”. Romans 12:12

I think perhaps I will be more careful and not use the word “probably” too much. I often say, ” I probably should do this” or “Probably, something bad will happen if I don’t take a certain action.” Like you, I will be careful not to use this word. In place of probably, I will instead use “No, I won’t or Yes, I will.” And then, get on with it.

Holley, thank you for allowing God to speak through you! This is one of the biggest battles in my life & is spurred on by perfectionism. I tend to be an all-or-nothing kind of person, so when I can’t do something perfectly I get stuck in perfection paralysis and nothing gets accomplished. Then I think “I should’ve done this, or I should’ve changed that”. Thank you for sharing your struggle with the “shoulds” and giving us all encouragement!

God’s phrase for me this year is “new beginnings.” The word I want to root out of my life is “never” like I’ll never do this or that or when I tell those closest to me things like “you never respect or listen to me.” I need to leave room for the anticipation of people surprising me through their actions and words and allowing room for God to really use me.

Should’a, could’a, would’a and wannabe…I know the feeling. My word is, right? Always as question, I am trying to get a back up, agreement or some seal of approval. I don’t need it because God validates us, defends us and has sealed us with His Spirit.

Yes I agree on those negative ‘shoulds’!
I’ve been reading a few blogs on ‘one word’ for the year, and I’ve been pondering where I am in life, what I am doing with it, and even asking the Lord what my word should be…
And then I heard it, and read it, and felt it…my one word for this year is “Expectant”.
I will watch, wait and hear what the Lord is going to do next in my life…I am going to be
expectant with hope and patience and joy and peace…watching and waiting…with my eyes open, my heart and soul ready for the awesome things He will do next! He never fails!
Bless you Holley as you encourage us all!

Excellent thought … never really thought about how misleading the word “should” is… and how it is quite the taskmaster… thank you for sharing such great insight to help us all have more gratitude and positive thoughts this year… keep it up!!!

Holley, I had not ever thought about the word or words that I need to delete from my vocabulary, but now you have be thinking and contemplating… However, getting rid of the word “should’ is definitely a good place to start…. thanks for some good things to think about

I read many encouraging things during my day…all good and Word based. However, I so relate to the things you share!! Contentment was very much needed in my life and I chose that word for this year as well. And not too long ago my adult daughter pointed out that I say “should” A LOT!!! I needed this confirmation on what word NOT to chose! Thank you for sharing your heart!

The one word I am NOT choosing this year is: Entitled…..
Seems I hear this word so much and no one is Entitled to anything. Only our Lord and Savior determines the “hairs on our head”.
As I was born and raised on a farm in Iowa we worked hard, rested in His time, and always gave Thanks to our God who provided for all that we needed. God’s Plan has always worked for me and in my Senior years it continues to work. I am so very Blessed.

This really resonates with me, Holley. I have been trying for years to get rid of those “shoulds.” I decided not to pick one word this year. I just want to focus on my life being more about Jesus and His unconditional love and His free grace. Not on what I can “do” but on being the me He created to be. God bless you! Hugs!

My word for the year is “listen”. Be in the moment and listen to friends. Listen to what God is speaking to me when doing First5. Listen intentionally to Grandchildren. Listen to God’s creation around me. Listen and understand my hubby more.

This was such an “aha moment” for me. I will purposely choose not to do should because it brings the guilt and shame of NOT accomplishing enough. Like you Holley, I have sometimes put the nap on hold to get things done. No more! If I’m exhausted, there is a cozy spot for me to rest. We women really beat ourselves up over this “enough” ideal! thank you for the video too.

I remind myself to speak in positive word choice but sometimes certain words such as “should” did not sound negative. Should gives me the excuse to do something later! That is very negative! I will be more careful and definitely not use the word should in my word choice vocabulary. We should never should on ourselves!

Holley, I have fallen victim to the words should have, could have and would have and when it was brought to my attention, I decided to trade these for I will try!! Amazing how words can heal our emotions or hurt them. As always thank you for sharing your heart with us. By the way Happy 2017!

Oh, Holley, you are convicting me on this! My constant thoughts of “should” often steals the joys of the moments God sets before me! My word this year is “steady”, but my word to NOT have this year is definitely “should”! Thank you!!!!

I feel my entire adult left fe, I have either heard from friends and aquantinces, ” you know you “should” do it this way”, or I am my worst enemy, I “should” do it this way, or I “should” do this to make everyone else pleased..well this year, I choose not to use the word “should”, and just enjoy what comes my way, and be content with what happens.

That’s a word I need to kick to the curb, too. It’s so important to do things out of our love for God and others, rather than those “shoulds.” Thanks for sharing these truths and for hosting! I’ll be pinning and sharing this. I loved it!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Holley! I am going to stop saying the phrase “it is what it is”. For me, this is a phrase of defeat, and with God, things can change radically! I want to be a person of faith, not of resignation to circumstances.

You are so right, Holley. It’s so easy to let negative self-talk spin around in our heads, stealing our joy and energy. The word I want to watch for is NOT, as in: “You are NOT productive enough, NOT as spiritually mature as you should be, NOT spending enough time in prayer, etc. The word, NOT, can also be a “shamer and a trickster, a liar and taskmaster.” Instead, I will choose the truth of Philippians 1:6 — My God who began his great work in me will carry it on to completion until the day Jesus appears. Christian maturity is a process; I am a work in progress!

I was going to say FEAR but in order to get over my fears I usually say I will not fear. With panic disorder there are many. I know you suffer from some anxiety as well. I’m content. I do say I should not be afraid of this or that. Maybe I choose BRAVE. God is helping me in so many ways not to fear. I know that if I falter, He will be there to carry me. Thank you God so much for always being there for me. Holley, you always bring out the best in me and you are very very special! God bless you 🙂