Sunday, August 31, 2014

There’s no need to hire a photographer to airbrush me into
perfection for a $5000 portfolio.I
don’t need to get waxed, plucked, pinched and tucked, because I am going to
pass on that application process.

Yes, yes, I’m marathon training and toning up beautifully.
And without sounding like an arrogant a**, I would even go so far as to say
that I am beautiful.I glow, especially
when I smile, but I will never be rail thin.

I’m hovering around my ideal weight, at least, according to
my dietician, and despite that glorious truth, I am way too lush to ever be
considered skinny.

Yes, another year has come and gone, and I will not be
applying to be a Victoria’s Secret model this year.

At some time in my teen life, I looked at the pictures of
magazine models and thought if I starved myself, had surgery, worked out,
prayed to God, or was struck by lightening that there was a chance I would be
that thin.

But I’m always lush, always have been, always will be.Even when I’m at my version of skinny, I’m
still lush.

Which right now, I am my version of lean.The cookie and wine “belly” from Graduation is
fading into nothing.

No, no one will ever describe me as thin, but they might say
I’m fit, and that will do.I think fit
is hot.

Despite feeling pretty good about my body at the moment, I
was recently at a Company Wide Health Fair where they casually informed me that
I am borderline-obese and I should probably work out more.

(gulp)

I thought that I was at least fit enough to be considered
healthy and that I would slide under the Biometric Measurement Radar, but alas,
the sirens went off as soon as my BMI was calculated.Then came the Body Fat Measurement tool, and
within minutes, I was marked as a fatty.

The buff 20something year old standing in front of me
blinked hard right before he read his screen aloud and said, “Your body fat
percentile is (SERIOUSLY THAT IS A REAL NUMBER?)”.

Ok ok.He said the
actual number.It was really high
considering that about 1/3 of my clothes are too big for me lately.Now to be fair, that also means that 1/3 of
my clothes are too small and the other 1/3 are older than at least one of my
kids.I digress.

“You’re pretty close to the line though,” He added helpfully
during my Health and Wellness Coaching Session.“You could lose a few pounds and get out of the Very-Over Weight
category and be in the Over Weight category.Maybe... have you considered an exercise program?You could try working out 3X a week.”

I sat there with my resting heart rate of 56, with my
cycling quads and my running hamstrings and looked at Buff Boy for a long
minute.I thought of 800 comebacks to
his suggestion that I work out, and ultimately, I bit my tongue.

I smiled my emptiest smile and looked at the clueless but
earnest face staring back at me.

“Yes, that is a very
good idea.I have been thinking about
taking up a sport.I will try working out
3 X a week for the 2014-2015 fiscal year to see what fitness gains I can
achieve before next year’s Health Screen.”

I said that, knowing full well that the odds of my achieving
Buff Boy’s recommended “thin-ness” would not happen by next May, or next June,
or next Century.

So, no, I will not be applying for a job as a Victoria’s
Secret model this year.I will, however,
be running 30-40 miles a week from now until October.

And let’s get serious, one of those things is way more
impressive than the other, because I don’t have be anorexic, or starving
myself, or 20 years old, or blessed with freakishly perfect assets, or
surgically enhanced to accomplish that feat.

I can just go out, work hard, and do it.

And this week, I knocked back a blistering 85 degree 20 mile run in full sun.

Now, I could be wrong, but I think that should help me meet the requirements for working out enough. I mean, that seems like a legit "workout"

Also maybe, if I exercise a little more, the next 20 won't be quite as "long" as this one.

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Incase of Emergency - BREAK GLASS

GARMIN FORERUNNER 305 Owners ~ Garmin Non-responsive? "nurse g." just wants to remind you that often a soft reset is as easy as holding the MODE & RESET buttons simultaneously for about 10 seconds. Let go of those two buttons, press the power button, and the unit will turn back on.

Defining GBA**

"...And I smiled to myself as I thought of EXACTLY what I would say when he asked me how I was feeling. I mean here I am.

I’m at frickin mile 23 1/2 of a marathon. I’m crushing my PR. I’m running with my POSSE. I have stopped to (unsuccessfully) vom on the side of the course. Yup. I knew what 2 words I would say.... at mile 24 Q dropped the other group, and I was rewarded for my patience. 'How you doing?' 'Galactically BadA$$'."