Sunday, April 27, 2008

Hillary, I guess in an attempt to compete with Obama's basketball skills, is trying out the sports metaphors. My favorite so far, from CNN:

“We’re going to hit some of those balls out of this stadium and out of our country stadium,” she announced, wielding a bat. “We’re going to round the bases, we’re going to score a lot of runs and we’re going to feel really good about the home team, namely the American team, the team we’re all a part of!”

Some may dismiss this as, well, she's a woman and what does she know? However, as a woman, and a woman who comes from a long line of female sports fans, I feel qualified to make fun of her.

First, what the hell is "our country stadium?" That doesn't even make sense. Most importantly, she tried to describe a home run without ever just saying, "This campaign is going to hit a home run in Indiana and beat Barack Obama." Instead it's: we're rounding bases, scoring runs, feeling good about our team. How about, "We'll pitch a perfect game in the remaining primaries and beat Obama!" How about, "I'm ready to hit a Grand Slam and bring home the nomination."

My next favorite attempt, also from CNN:

“I will be the best quarterback I can be for our country,” Clinton told guests at an April Democratic dinner in Pittsburgh where she received a Steelers’ jersey and a Terrible Towel. “We’re going to start calling some good plays. We’re going to go on offense as well as playing defense.”

It starts out well with the quarterback reference. But then, like all things Hillary, we go off the rails. "We're going to start calling some good plays." Uh, okay. How about, "I'm ready to make an audible at 3am." (As an aside, when was the last time the Chiefs called any good plays? I digress). Then it's, we're going on offense and playing defense. I thought she was the quarterback. Who was the last great two-way quarterback? Sammy Baugh? How about, "I'm as versatile as Kordell Stewart, only I plan to win the Super Bowl." How about, "Ben Roethlisberger won't be the only one throwing a touchdown strike if Iran pisses me off.

Either way, I think Hillary aught to just cede sports to Obama. If only she knew how to do that.