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As I write on this bench, my legs grass’ floor, the thought occurs to me, of which I hasten to say more. This shaky thriller’s pen impedes me a bit, though with breath and experience, I may correct the tilt. Ho!, though, Woah! though, as I remember to meditate, but no, Oh, Lo, so, no one is at the gate; and I must refuse my breath it’s bait…for your’s and clarity’s sake.
I see shadows and suspicion, may well be by own natural disposition, paranoia my hateful friend, cousin to a neurotic affliction – A flick of the wrist, a glare of hers and his and my mind creates the competition – A step ‘pon a step, a creak or a click, my mind will generate a thousand boundless dystopic conclusions.

So writing with your left hand is hot stuff. I renewed my battle against non-ambidexterity and decided to multitask by learning to write at the same time. Mostly I’ll probably do train-of-thought and go with the flow. But yeah, I’ve found it’s much easier to rhyme, and write (loosely speaking) poetry, with my left hand! Pretty cool stuff. So I’ll post that now.

Whoops, I didn’t know that your own text in reblogged posts got all squished like that! Paragraphs are absolutely essential for my blog! Without them they’re just giant text walls of incoherancy! With – well, at least skimming is a bit more stomachable. Anyway, paste.
Dammit now I have to read this post, geez. I need to know where a person needs to breathe when reading this and that’s the only way. Yes, even I don’t even want to read. Okay this whole paragraph is just lame and not-clever self-depreciation, continue~~~♪

The new reader has this tag thing as a left-side bar and they were filled with every silly tag I’d made, so I got rid with a lot of them except the weirdest ones, and the ones I’m very interested in, or like (doodles). The reason for the former is that if I find other people using those tags, I’ll likely enjoy reading the rest of their blog, or find the visit peculiar but interesting. One of the tags is ‘brain juice’ – which I expected wouldn’t be an unpopular tag, you hear it around often enough, especially if you’re in the quirky fangirl sort of arena or maybe if you’re just, by definition (?), normal enough. And a lot of it was fashion posts, and the rest were things I liked, and blogs I ended up following. I followed like 19 today looking through “brain juice” and “doodles.” Good stuffffff mang

I saw two blogs that made me think. One was a person who wrote casually as if they were on tumblr and about their feelings, and I apparently visited at the wrong time because they mentioned they didn’t feel like they were blogging like they wanted to at the time because of things. That’s how I blogged a lot on tumblr, but it might have been because I didn’t see it as a ‘safe’ place to blog about whatever the hell I wanted, and that might just be because it’s so public and I didn’t have my own style there. So much…aesthetics….?? And reblogs, millions, billions, memes, I enjoy them but it didn’t encourage me to write. Here a lot of people have the same theme and the main point IS your writing. It’s what makes you follow and unfollow, not the style of the blog so much, though that can influence, you have to work harder to make that shine and it’s still within a template sort of. I’m surprised that I need that box or that structure so much. Just to write. This place also just feels more private. And I like that. I feel like this is more a place where introverts can thrive. Just personally.

Anyway, I also blog that casually and loosely, the way I am now, without being overly-concerned with the ease of reading for the reader, just expressing my thoughts fluently or at least linearly? I mainly try to accurately express myself, and make sure the words and phrases I use are also being used appropriately (when I do this (?) it usually means I’m lazy and unsure if that’s the right way to say or use a word or phrase. I’m not sure if I used ‘linearly’ appropriately there either but I’m currently too lazy to look it up, hence the question mark). It’s all flow-of-thought. But if I have an IDEA or a THOUGHT that I want to express, something that’s occurred to me that I want to describe, something more concrete and less in-the-moment, that I will edit mercilessly and strive for complete clarity.

And I think, I find both necessary, I guess, for my blogging experience. It’s less organized, but it’s organized enough. To splurge, to talk mindlessly, to say whatever is on my mind, and also to communicate, to express, to explain…. But that won’t get me much readers, hahaha. It won’t make this blog quality, I mean. Even if I don’t have readers, I’d like for this blog to be quality. But I think the only way that will happen is if I go out and DO things, to blog about.

The other blog I saw had such a clear voice and they were such a precise and clear communicator, that I wondered why I only even begin to approach that when I have something I feel is more important to say and that I have fully formed. As in, why can’t I write like that normally, nevermind speak? Maybe part of the reason a lot of what I say is vague and kind of garbage is because I haven’t fleshed it out yet, and I am using this as a stage to begin to organize and shape them, it’s train of thought because I use this to help myself…err, think? So this is partly actually therapeutic for me. Not just to express, but to breathe and organize my distracted thoughts. I suppose that’s why I use categories. My brain juice is usually more coherent in expression, if not in content. Maybe because it’s brain juice….and I know there’s no chance of something confusing being understood if I already speak in a confusing manner, and so I make an effort, like in real life…..50% of my ideas are confusing (for all the reasons) and the remaining 50% is that I don’t speak and communicate clearly. If the idea is simple, I won’t make an effort to speak clearly, because the idea is simple. So 50% chance of being understood. If the idea is a bit difficult to express already, I’ll make an effort, so the 50% is restored but the idea is complicated (maybe because it is illogical or too fanciful) and so we’re back to that original 50%.

… errr….yeah

I also noticed I have two styles of talking, and it pretty much is INFP vs INTP. So even in my writing…. When I’m enthusiastic I exaggerate, warm language, I’m ‘loud’ and social….I sound dumb too, I can tell, but friendly I think.
But when I’m communicating an idea or thought….it’s like two extremes. But even so, I feel like because I’m not rational or logical enough, however rational or organized I might sound, I am more likely INFP. After all, I had to develop that clear and rational writing style. Then again, I do have that N in the INTP, and I used to rely on heavy implication in order to discuss a point before I had more fully developed that direct approach. I can’t tell if it was a feeling or thought that I was expressing through implication though. It was kind of both….more like a thought since these are essays we’re talking about….that’s why I use idea in those circumstances. A thought is clear, an idea is vague and contains a thought but it’s more shrouded by feeling and stringy cloud fog stuff.

Okay I’m done now xD hahahha all this from a cheeky boot ad. Yup, still easily distracted. THIS ENTIRE POST IS MY LIIIIIIIFE.

HeyHeyBIO (no -logy)

Hey. Pseudonyms will be used.

Meez - Me. I'm 20, dropped out of university in May 2012, found out I might have ADD around the 2nd week of 2013 after online classes had started (nice!), diagnosed February 8 2013. I'd like to thank God, my cat, and my left foot for trying to give me a hint with the blog title I'd randomly chosen at 16, and apologize for being too damn thick to get it. This is embarassing.