The best, of course, arrive from Media Matters, home to lonely, middle-aged men who still write "FAIL" in their Tweets. Here's Simon Maloy, a senior associate master fellow emeritus: "Make no mistake — Gutfeld's motives are offensive. He thinks the way to justify his own religious intolerance and that of his conservative cohorts is to mock Muslims and gay people."

Of course he offers no evidence of said religious intolerance. Maybe because he's a hack.

Anyway, when half-wits are half-right, does that make them a quarter-creetinous?

Perhaps. But look, they're right when they say that my Islamic gay bar is a provocation. But it wasn't directed at Muslims (for them, it was a sincere gesture). It was a provocation toward ignorant cowards like Maloy, who rather than condemn real homophobia in the world, prefer to focus their wet, lefty whine on righties who are far more enlightened than they could ever be (like me).

In fact, their accusations of "Islamophobia" are meant to hide their cowardice concerning gay rights. Think about it, I'm putting gay rights front and center before an ideology that condemns homosexuality. No one on the left has the balls to do that. That's why I make them look pathetic.

So, why would they call me a bigot, yet remain silent when faced with a gay-hating ideology? Why would you side with those who would kill you instead of a guy who just wants to open a gay bar and have fun?

Is it because, for them, politics means more than preservation?

Well, when my bar opens, maybe they can stop by and explain it to me. The first round is all over me. Expect tiny umbrellas.

And if you disagree with me, you're a racist homophobe who won't see "Eat Pray Love" with me.