Caleb Johnson mentions cocaine, hookers and says “retard” during his clinic on “How To Ruin Your Chances To Win Idol In Less Than 3 Minutes”

What are the odds Fox forces Caleb Johnson to issue an apology live Wednesday night? Can it be higher than 100 percent? Because there’s no way they’re gonna ignore one of their Top 4 dropping an “R” bomb in an interview. No way. He would have been better off saying “J-Lo was a total bitch last night” live on the results show than dropping a “retard” in there. It’s behind the N-word and any sort of homosexual slur. Those two are on the Mount Rushmore of slurs and they’ve started chiseling in retard.

(What would be the fourth? I don’t know of any other ethic slur that gets people – and when I say people, I mean white people with guilt – worked up. Redskin? It’s newsworthy. Tough one – we need one more for the Mount Rushmore of slurs)

But if you were offended by it and a) don’t suffer from a legit learning disability or b) aren’t related to someone who does, GFY.

Caleb needs to give Jason Ikeler a thank you handski because that was the most awkward 2 minutes and 30 seconds you’ll see, and based on how the interwebs work, it’s doubtful many of the 95K people that found it on YouTube ever made it to the retard comment. Jason, just a note – when someone you’re interviewing says one of the words you’re not supposed to say, you don’t smirk like they farted; you jump down their throat with a follow-up. It’s called journalistic integrity bro, get some. Not gonna make the E Channel with bad hair and a bad wardrobe if you don’t ask some big boy questions.

It’s clear Caleb was being a badass, but things got weird for Jason when he started talking about “the girls, the hookers, the cocaine” because it’s clear he has no interest in either, which is even more strange because that was the best part of the whole thing.

“The girls, the hookers, the cocaine” comment was the best because it showed how little Caleb cares for the process while totally flustering the wannabe AC Slater. People are probably going to get worked up over it but there shouldn’t because girls are awesome, hookers are awesomer and cocaine is the awesomest. Plus, Caleb’s gonna need a mountain of blow to get through the summer tour.

Do I think he hurt his chances at winning? Yep.

Why? Because the people who vote are retards and they’re gonna get all worked up over this.

-Dude

PS I can’t, for the life of me, think of why anyone would be offended by my last line. You people know how I work. You pretty much force me to say such awful things.