CINEMATIC REVELATIONS allows me the luxury of writing, editing and archiving my film and television reviews. Some reviews appeared initially in "The Commercial Dispatch" and "The Planet Weekly" and then later in the comment archives at the Internet Movie Database. IMDB.COM, however, imposes a limit on both the number of words and the number of times that an author may revise their comments. I hope that anybody who peruses these expanded reviews will find them useful.

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Sunday, April 22, 2012

FILM REVIEW OF "THE THREE STOOGES" (2012)

If you’ve never seen a “Three Stooges” comic short or any of
their feature length comedies, the new Farrelly Brothers’ farce is an awful way
to acquaint yourself with Moe, Curly, and Larry. Indeed, it is difficult to believe the same
guys who created “There’s Something about Mary” and “Kingpin” concocted this
sophomoric comedy. Unlike the television
biography that Mel Gibson produced about the Three Stooges back in 2000, the
Brothers Farrelly wanted to revive the fictional morons rather than chronicle
their real-life counterparts. Further,
the Farrellys decided to let the “Stooges” wreck havoc in a contemporary
setting. Basically, the Farrellys cannot
rekindle the comic genius of these maniac Jewish comics who acquired a
reputation for poking eyes, slapping heads, and twisting noses. Sadly, the laughs are few and far between. This $30 million imitation of the Three
Stooges qualifies as fair. Juveniles may
giggle at the geysers of urine, but neither the Farrellys nor the new Stooges
generate a third as many laffs as the originals.

Chiefly known for their crude and rude movies, the Farrellys
usually get a PG-13 or an R-rating for vulgar content. “The Three Stooges” (** out of ****) marks
their first PG-13 release. The PG-rating
covers violent slapstick action and some rude and suggestive humor, including
language. Nevertheless, the Farrellys
give the eponymous threesome every opportunity to slap, punch, and gouge each
other with glee. Every “Three Stooges”
movie basically is a comedy of errors.
Before the dust settles, the trio has inflicted enough pain and injury on
each other to land them in the emergency room.
The colossal stupidity that these three display in their best efforts to
perform a task is side-splitting. The
best scene the Farrellys conjure up occurs in a hospital newborn ward. The Stooges juggle babies, and the infants
empty their bladders on them in a shower of urine. Were this not enough, the Farrellys convinced
the cast of the hit reality TV show “Jersey Shore” to suffer the wrath of Moe. Watching Moe reprimand the “Jersey Shore” regulars
is entertaining. Most of the other gags
in “The Three Stooges” have a Rube Goldberg quality. When they try to remove a bell from a roof,
the Stooges lose the head of a sledge hammer.
The sledge head flies off into a water bucket. The last thing that happens in that scene
involves the use of that particular water bucket. The person intending to refresh another doesn’t
know about its’ contents.

Sean Hayes, Will Sasso and Chris Diamantopoulos do a
credible job of impersonating Larry, Curly and Moe. The complicated material that “Me, Myself
& Irene” scenarist Mike Cerrone and the Farrellys serve up defeat their
efforts. “The Three Stooges” unfolds in
three back-to-back episodes, each slightly longer than the Columbia Pictures
shorts. The Farrellys and Cerrone have
treated this “Stooges” saga as an ‘origins’ film. They provide some background about the
trio. The protagonists appear as children
in the first episode and later predominantly as adults in the second and third
episodes. Believe me; nothing in any of
these three episodes will have you in stitches.
“The Three Stooges” resembles an inferior pilot for a proposed
television series. Our threesome land on
the front steps of the Sisters of Mercy Orphanage after a car careens up and a
duffle bag flies out the window. The
first nun to inspect the duffle, Sister Mary-Mengele (Larry David of
“Seinfeld”), takes two fingers in the eyes and topples backwards off the
steps. Eventually, Sister Mary-Mengele
becomes their chief adversary. If the
name Mengele sounds familiar, Nazi Josef Mengele was the notorious SS Officer
who presided over the destiny of prisoners at Auschwitz. Anyway, Sister Mary doesn’t cut them any slack. Another nun follows up and finds three
infants in the duffle. They look like
tyke-sized replicas of the adult Moe, Larry, and Curly.

Mother Superior (Jane Lynch of “Role Models”)
and the sisters try to trick a gullible husband and wife, the Harters (Stephen
Collins of “Star Trek: The Motion Picture” and Carley Craig of “The Heartbreak
Kid”) into adopting Moe. Rather than
letting the prospective parents see every child, the sisters trot out just the
Three Stooges. When it appears the nuns
have fooled the Harters into taking the trio off their hands, another child,
Teddy (Jake Peck), enters the room by accident. The trio end up stuck at the orphanage for
life. Twenty-five years later, they are
still living at the Sisters of Mercy. Moe
(newcomer Chris Diamantopoulos with a distinctive bowl-shaped haircut) emerges
as the boss of the bunch. Larry (Sean Hayes of “The Bucket List”), Curly
(Will Sasso of “Southland Tales”), and Moe perform chores for the sisters.

As a consequence of the Stooges’ audacious exploits, the
orphanage cannot afford its insurance premiums.
Monsignor Ratliffe (Brian Doyle-Murray of “Caddyshack”) shows up to warn
the Mother Superior about this crisis.
They have about a month before they must close the orphanage. Ratliffe tells the Stooges that $830-thousand is
required to save the place. The
remainder of this shallow comedy concerns the cockeyed antics of the Stooges as
they struggle to obtain that $830-thousand.
The obstacles they face are well-nigh insurmountable. Furthermore, these knuckle-heads are
completely clueless about how they can save the day. Quite by accident, they encounter Lydia (Sofía
Vergara of “Four Brothers”) and her shady boyfriend Mac (Craig Bierko of “Sour
Grapes”) as they are searching for somebody to kill her husband. Of course, the Stooges think that Mac is
married to Lydia. In reality, Lydia is
married to grown-up Teddy (Kirby Heyborne of “Saints and Soldiers”) the kid
from the orphanage. Mac convinces them
that he wants to die and they plan his demise.
When Lydia offers our numbskulls $830-thousand, they prepare to let
blood.

“The Three Stooges” looks like the Farrellys made it for
elementary school age kids. You’d be better off watching any of the 190 genuine
“Three Stooges” comic shorts or their six feature length films. Worst, “The Three Stooges” rates as the worst
Farrellys’ movie ever.