get a life, pal.

Yes, friends, that’s the one and only Brock Turner. If you don’t remember who he is, let me remind you. Brock Turner tried to rape an unconscious girl at a party back in 2015, was put on trial, convicted and was looking at 14 years in jail. His legal team asked for 6, the judge gave him 6 months, of which he served 3. Oh, did I mention he was on the swim team?

He’s looking to now appeal his conviction because it’s apparently full of lies, according to his team.

Because those two Master’s students (who found you mid hump) are going to risk their futures and reputations to lie for you so that you can come out from behind that dumpster smelling like a rose. GET A LIFE, PAL.

Turner’s attorney, Eric Multhaup, made the appeal to three judges stating that Turner only meant to engage in “sexual outercourse”, which is performing sexual acts while fully clothed.

soooooo…..

did he put tuxedos on his fingers before he put them inside of his victim or…..?

I’m a little confused. If all he wanted to do was dry hump, why didn’t he do it on the fraternity’s couch, like every other frat boy? With a girl who was conscious (*key*) How come he had to take her behind a dumpster?( let’s not even think about how she may have gotten there)

Also, all he WANTED was “outercourse” (please, world, let’s not make this a thing)? I find that highly, HIGHLY suspect. No college boy, especially a jerkface athlete, wants to ONLY do over the pants relations. And risk chafing his balls? I don’t think so.

The judges have 90 days to grant the appeal and, frankly, it’s not looking good for baby Brockie. Justice Franklin D. Elia pulled some Mariah level shade when he told Turner’s attorney that he had no idea what he was talking about [in relation to the reason for the appeal] and that the jury’s verdict must be upheld.

This case and appeal have nothing to do with me. It doesn’t hit close to home and, thankfully, doesn’t involve anyone I know, but every time I see this kid’s shit mug, I want to smack it. You know what makes it worse? Some random attorney didn’t take it upon himself to file for an appeal. He had to get the process going. He knows he’s wrong, he knows he got off easy (with his pants in, both times. And pun intented) and yet, he still has to make a show. He still has to take it that one last step. Hasn’t his victim suffered enough? Isn’t it enough to know that for what he did to her all he got was barely a slap on the wrists? And he still wants more.

dick.

As far as I’m concerned, Brock Turner can go have outercourse with himself.