TOTAL HYPER CRACK! 100 stories mocking Chaoji and how he fails at life. Original Chaoji hate oneshots here! IF YOU'RE A CHAOJI FAN DO NOT READ THIS. Rated T for language *cough* Kanda *cough* and some suggestive/violent themes.

Cross, being the epic ninja bad ass he is, perfectly avoided Chaoji during each of his stays at the Order, but all good things must come to an end, and Chaoji – believe it or not – snuck up on him – yes, Chaoji snuck up on someone – one day, when Cross was distracted by thoughts of pretty women instead of our least favorite pineapple brained exorcist.

He was sitting on a couch, enjoying a glass of wine with Cloud Nyne when Chaoji sniffed him out.

"I've snuffed him out!" he announced proudly. "No one can escape my snuffer!" he went on, pointing in his nose in the air. Rather than correcting his English, the passing Finders lowered their eyes and walked by as quickly as they could manage.

"Soon enough, the General will be snuffed by the sight of his face," one of them whispered as he darted around a corner.

As Chaoji struggled to squeeze himself through the doorway, he watched the General like a sketch. He wondered to himself what it was that made Cross so popular, so renowned! (Of course, renowned was a big word for him, so he merely thought why he cool when Chaoji not? Why?)

He stomped over to Cross, standing right in front of him. He stood there, staring intently into the confused General's face, wide-eyed and motionless.

Cross was silent, waiting for a moment before crinkling his nose in disgust. "What?"

Chaoji sucked in a deep breath, sucking in the air around him in one big gulp. "ANNIIIITAAAA-SAAAMA!"

Cross didn't respond.

"ANIIIIIIIITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-SAAAAAAAAAMMMA!"

"Um…" Cloud said slowly. "Should I…go?"

"She was a good friend of mine," he admitted to Chaoji. "What about it?"

"ANNIII-"

"Yeah! I know who you're talking about," he responded gruffly, annoyed by Chaoji's yelling. "What, did you know her?' Cloud turned to Cross, shaking her head anxiously, but it was too late; Chaoji was already beginning his monologue.

"I was just a young, abandoned boy, and ANIIITA-SAAAMA and MAHOJA-SAAAMA took me in," he started excitedly.

Cloud glanced into her glass. "Cross, I swear if you put something in this, I'll kill you!"

"I'm hearing the same nonsense you are," he assured her. "Hey, if I say yes, will you leave?"

"Of course!" Chaoji agreed, beaming.

"All right then," Cross said after a moment. "Exit over there."

Chaoji's eyes widened. "What are you talking about?"

"You just said you'd leave," Cross reminded him impatiently.

"You just said I could stalk you," Chaoji argued. "How can I stalk you if I leave?"

And so began Chaoji's pursuit to become Cross Marian. HOW WILL IT CONTINUE? WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? ONLY I KNOW!

(ahem)

Failure

Author's notes: Thanks to everyone who reviewed the previous chapter! I'm glad to see this story still has readers, and I truly appreciate all the feedback! I hope everyone enjoyed this (I've been wanting to have Chaoji meet Cross for ages but kept putting it off) and hope you'll stick around to see what happens next (though it's not as dramatic as I made it out to be, I assure you…)

The author would like to thank you for your continued support. Your review has been posted.