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A very special first show will see us crown our very first champion of the roster! And what better way to do it than to host a random as fuck, completely meaningless tournament? The only problem we had was the name of it thing, which we thought, well, what is random as fuck, completely meaningless and really isn't all that funny? And then we got it. Our iTunes playlist had shifted onto the charity single we had purchased a few weeks back, and all of a sudden that Snoop Dogg and Charlie Sheen rap started, and it struck us that Sheen is all of those things. Sadly, the Charlie Sheen Open Invitational didn't sound that good, and we couldn't obtain the copyrights for it. So instead, WINNING was born. Suck it, copyrights.

This one off tournament that could be brought back next year sees the eight members of the roster fight in a tournament of some sort, across a number of singles contests across the night, with the winner being the person who, well, wins three times in a row. Because like, Round 1, Semi Final, Final. Three times. Its like CHIKARA but not really. Anyway, we took it to a random tournament maker device we found on a potentially virus-filled website, and the draw went as planned:

The winners of each match will go on to fight the other winner in their bracket, so for example, if Adon were to defeat Kite and Reed were to defeat myself, Bracket 1's final would be Adon vs Collin Reed. Then, the winners of each bracket will fight each other in the grand final for the championship, plus one non tournament match featuring those who went out in the first round. SIMPLES~

One final thing: I'm not good at creating CAWs. At all. So all of your people in the federation are currently in Beta stage, I guess. Which is why after the show, I'm going to be holding a small editting thing, live on the stream, where I will edit your guys to your liking. Is your guy a shade too light? Be there to shout at me in the chat as I change him to a slightly laggy live edit! Want to join the federation but can't be fucked to post? Shout at me in the chat exactly what you want as I create him live! Its like porn but without the sex part but all the bad parts that happen if you didn't wear a condom afterwards!

Dark Match AddedRudy Cameron and Percy Belfast, the two who were all "Hey, I want in this fed as well, seems pretty neat." after I set the tournament brackets and taped the entire thing, are now going to be participating in a special pre-show match. I'll do what Beardy does: Start the stream half an hour before hand, but stream random videos and whatnot until it starts. Including this match:

Adon:Well now it's time for the King of Muay Thai to show all the others why he's the best. Here in this company I'll take no prisoners. My opponent will know pain when I hit them showing off my prowess. I'm going to go on in this tournament and become champion! Nobody will stand in my way! I'll show them just how strong I am! Nyahahahaha!

DARK NOTES:Garth won an impromptu dark four way between himself, PimpBeardy, Boshitron and Adon. PimpBeardy went out first, Adon did an outside dive onto him and the two went to war for another ten minutes which was hilarious, and then Garth no sold two Screwdrivers to pick up the victory via Top Rope Samoan Drop.

Rudy and Belfast got changed into a tag team encounter against the New Age Outlaws, for no real reason other than to, well, have a tag match. Road Dogg pinned Rudy in a fun encounter, but it was short. Really short. BUT ITS TIME FOR THE MAIN SHOW NOW SO HOLD ON TO YOUR BUTTCHEEKS.

Main Show:

Lotus Dragon defeated Christopher Boshitron 667 Million in the opening match, which Girly and Beardy in the chat called an E-Fed MOTY Candidate at least. It was incredible. Highlights include high spots EVERYWHERE. Stuff was sold as well. Blood.

I raped Collin for one whole minute. Collin spent the next three making me pay for what I had done before putting me away with a Rock Bottom move thing. Not much to write home about sadly. I have sexy dance moves though.

Music crew failed twice causing constant song changes. But Garth won against Beardy in an awesome match. Saw a really awesome counter to the twisting headscissors, with Garth doing a cartwheel out of it. Top rope samoan drop for the victory.

PHamous, Dynamite and Turkish music played to the beat of Kite defeating Adon in a badass little match. People were into it so much, they completely didn't notice the music.

Garth won Semi Final match one, disposing of Lotus Dragon with an Acid Trip for the victory. Good match, so far the show has been an A according to Girly. We're assuming the A stands for Absolutely Awesomeness A-volved, which is evolved but spelt wrong because its not got an A.

Kite is going to the finals as well, but he managed to put Collin Reed away with a Worlds Strongest Slam, of all moves. Another good match of the show, even if Kite was dominant for the most part.

Boshitron won the First Four Losers Battle Royal, after Beardy got eliminated in twenty seconds, he pulled out Trippy about four minutes later and then Boshitron and Adon fought to the death.

And in the main event, Garth took on Kite who took on... Triple H? Triple H! Tired of seeing vanilla midgets in the main event, he came out and kicked some ass. But one twenty five minute match later, Garth managed to pick up the victory and become the first ever ACES! Champion, following a... kick to the head of Kite. Whatever, it was awesome. Thanks to the six people who appeared throughout the night (Girly, Beardy, Garth, Tom, Boshitron and Rudy.), hope you all enjoyed what you saw.

Hello ACES! I'm your new champion and let me say I will bring up the hour of Garth Power to the ACES! Audience and to all of the talent scouts watching my fantastic matches because i'm the Technical Wizard, the Space Dealer of 1000 Drugs, and the Hiroshima Destroyer Garth Wrestlegar and i'm your new ACES! Champion.

Garth drops the belt and gives the Wu Tang Symbol and walks off triumphily

You know this tourney was really an A+ show.As you all know I didn't make it into the final match, now was it because I wasn't booked? Maybe. But neither was Haitch, and he was in the finals. As you all know I lost in a dark match to the New Age Outlaws, oh wait you don't know that because it was a dark match so as far as you know I won, and in a way I did because who's listed on the ACES roster page? Oh you didn't know?Well here's a link, but I'll save you the time, it's me.

So what's next for the space age sage? Well if I knew I wouldn't be asking you, but if it's anything like my SVR Universe mode where I'm undefeated, have won every royal rumble, ended the streak and currently hold every belt including the tag team championships with my partner Spider-Man, who I downloaded last year...

Well I think it goes without saying that Percy is going to become a top player pretty fucking Bel-Fast.Word play motherfucker, peace.