Weekend Update - News Jokes

An apartment building was evacuated this week due to a strong order that was produced when a tenant cooked his own urine. The man was not charged with any crime after promising to never home-brew Coors Light again.

​Debra Messing and Blake Shelton got into an argument on Twitter about politics, which only hurt their credibility as America's 1,345th and 1,654th most trusted political pundits.

It was so hot in New York City this week that a man stripped naked and went for a walk around the Upper West Side on 69th Street, because of course he was on 69th Street.

A Canadian woman fired her pellet gun at Pokemon Go players in downtown Toronto this week in order to protect her gym. I have no idea what any of that means, I'm just jealous this makes Canada's headlines while in America <<<on screen graphic of gun violence from this week>>