Mike’s Story

Mike* is a teacher. One of his pupil’s mothers misinterpreted his friendliness and banter for something else and became obsessed with him. She would turn up to his house and text and email him repeatedly. Mike was hugely embarrassed and when he had to explain to his wife what had happened, he was worried she’d suspect he’d been having an affair with the woman. Mike’s stalker has the hallmarks of an ‘Incompetent Suitor’ type.

How Can You Recognise An Incompetent Suitor Stalker?

The Suitor or rather ‘Incompetent Suitor’ Stalker is driven by the fantasy they’re in love with you and that you love them too.

An ‘Incompetent Suitor’ stalker wants a loving relationship or very close friendship with you.

This type of stalker has never been in an intimate relationship with their ‘victim’

Will probably be a stranger or brief acquaintance

An ‘incompetent suitor’ stalker is usually lonely

Believes that you will love them too, despite being told you won’t

An ‘incompetent suitor’ continues stalking because the fantasy that they are in love and are loved, satisfies them

May carry on stalking for a very long time, on average over 3 years

Thinks that they are entitled to the relationship

More likely to send letters or gifts and phone than follow or watch you

Is more likely to be a female than other types of stalker

An Incompetent Suitor may stalk in the following ways:

Repeatedly, phoning, texting or emailing you

Repeatedly using the Internet to publish information about you

Repeatedly pretending to be you on the Internet and posting information

You may find it difficult to tell other people what is happening. Perhaps you’re worried about what they will say? Whether they’ll believe you? Think you are making a fuss about nothing? Even make fun of you?

It is important to tell people, your safety may depend upon other people knowing