In The Thing a prequel to the 1982 John Carpenter film of the same name a team of paleontologists Norwegian diggers and rugged helicopter pilots unearth an alien creature with the ability to disguise itself as the organic material surrounding it i.e. feeble humans. Ironically the movie itself also a deceptive shapeshifter impersonating its chilling horror predecessor with the same beats same characters and same scares—but completely void of soul.
A great remake brings something new to the table either in the form of plot twists design or fresh performances but The Thing begs to be compared to the original by cowering in the face of innovation. The movie forgoes character building wasting no time flying us to the familiar Antarctic setting: Girl-who-examines-unfrozen-animal-corpses Kate (played by the movie's saving grace Mary Elizabeth Winstead) is introduced by her friend Adam (Eric Christian Olsen) to sinister scientist Sander Halvorson (Ulrich Thomsen) who quickly convinces her to throw away her life for a trip to the icy continent. When she arrives Halvorson reveals his team has discovered an alien life form trapped inside a block of ice and he needs Kate to watch him thaw it out.
Anyone with knowledge of the 1982 Thing (or horror movies in general) knows that the beast is far from dead and what unfolds is a flaccid translation of the first film's monster mayhem. Yes the movie has plenty of jump scares insane flesh effects and an increasing sense of paranoia throughout the group—but only because the first movie dictates that it must. Thanks to the charm of Winstead and her Kurt Russell-esque co-star Joel Edgerton the copy/paste script occasionally entertains (who doesn't love a gal who can wield a flamethrower?) but without characters to invest in the alien's rampage of violence is mostly a bore. By the time the group points fingers attempting to sift the real persons from the fakes by checking their teeth (their foe can't recreate metallic material so everyone with fillings is safe!) the movie's floundered its chance to get you to care.
If the titular "thing" was slick enough in its bloodthirsty frenzy perhaps The Thing could redeem itself as a creepy popcorn flick but sloppy CG creature effects end up separating the beast from his prey and obliterating any sense of danger. If they could pull off a guy's head erupting with tentacles using puppetry and prosthetics back in 1982 why not in 2011? When the movie does employ practical effects the results are terrifying—but the moments are few and far between. That speaks to the bigger picture: director Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. attempts to mix the original Thing's slow burn terror with modern filmmaking and intriguing sci-fi concepts but can't seamlessly weave them together. Every time Heijningen Jr's Thing defaults to mimicking the previous version the movie craps out.
The Thing's nondescript title once represented the fear of the unknown but for the contemporary rehash it's an indication of a generic lifeless 100 minutes. Buried underneath layers of icy homage is a decent flick but unlike the film's otherworldly opponent it's DOA.

When a movie gets knocked around from one crummy release date to another one would assume that it is pretty awful. However even I a knowledgeable and open-minded film geek wasn’t prepared for the monstrosity that is Season of the Witch a medieval mess that has reportedly been in the works for a decade. You’d never be able to tell so many years of preparation went into this sad excuse for a B-movie based on its laughable CGI dialogue and contrived premise. How many flavors of bad is this supernatural stinker? Sample this…
A period horror action flick Season of the Witch is initially set in a cursed city suffering from the Black Plague that has deformed and decimated the majority of its population. The disease has been unleashed as a result of a literal witch-hunt gone wrong. Ancient evil forces are afoot and the blame is put on a young girl who the Church believes is a witch. Though imprisoned in the dungeons of a castle her power reigns supreme. Enter Behman (Nicolas Cage) and Felson (Ron Perlman) Knights of the Crusades who happen upon the city on their way back to civilization. Once recognized as deserters they are imprisoned and given the choice to remain captive or lead a suicide transport mission to a remote monastery where the girl’s innocence or guilt can be determined. If deemed evil she is to be destroyed.
The premise though far from original could have been cool if executed with some style but director Dominic Sena (Gone In Sixty Seconds) is incapable of making it enjoyable. Instead of creating suspense through eerie environments he settles for cheap thrills that fall short every time. His use of CGI is painfully bad conjuring effects that would’ve looked dated around the turn of the century. Most insulting is the film’s big “twist” - a lazy paradigm shift so easily foreseeable the movie should have just been called The Devil’s Advocate. Is that not bad enough for you? Just wait it gets better (read: worse).
Stars Cage and Perlman are Razzie bound with a pair of pathetic non-performances. The accomplished actors don’t even try to get into character. Rather they don period garb shield and sword and run around like cheap imitations of their former selves for two hours. You won’t hear any attempts at English accents because apparently 14th Century Knights are just like contemporary buddy cops. With this little effort being put forth by the two men who are essentially the reason folks will pay to see the movie Season of the Witch doesn’t have much of a leg to stand on. The supporting cast which includes Ulrich Thomsen Stephen Graham and Christopher Lee try to bear the burden but cannot undo the damage that Cage and Perlman inflict upon this film. The scariest thing about Season of the Witch is the movie itself an abomination of bad filmmaking and terrible acting.

Anyone who knows anything about show business understands that a motion picture doesn’t come together overnight. After a script is written and a green light is given from a studio or production company, many months of pre-production go into the project before cameras roll. I’m not even going to get into the post-production process, so let’s just say that making a movie (no matter how big or small) is a true labor of love.
In the case of Season of the Witch, the journey to the big screen took nearly ten years from the time that producer Chuck Roven (The Dark Knight) found Bragi F. Schut’s Nicholl Fellowships Award-winning screenplay to when the finished product was ready for release (this Friday). “It was fairly sought-after, what we call a hot property,” Roven said of the film in a recent interview. “Back then, my company had an overall deal with MGM and we ended up buying it and then began the long journey of getting it made.”
Roven faced many hurdles in getting the movie rolling, one which is commonplace in today’s filmmaking climate. “In about 2002, maybe 2003, Alex Gartner, who was the President of Production, ended up leaving MGM to come and work with me as a producer over at Atlas. And also, I think you might remember MGM ended up being purchased by a bunch of companies. One of them was Sony/Columbia Pictures and when they made that deal they designated a number of projects that they wanted to further develop before the deal closed and Season of the Witch was, fortunately, one of those,” he said while reminiscing about the early days of the production. Luckily, Roven was relieved of one major headache at around the same time when he hired a director. “I think it was 2003 or 2004 when we attached Dominic Sena and really did all of the advance work on the picture. When we finally attached Nicolas Cage to the film in 2009, Dom was still attached the picture, so all of the work we did during that period for Sony really paid off, even though Sony never made the picture.”
Roven talks about "attaching Nicolas Cage to the film" as if it was an everyday thing, but he assured me that wasn't the case. Though he had the desire to make the movie, timing was a big issue for the Oscar winning A-lister. "There are two kinds of movies Nic had never done," Roven explained. "He'd never done a scary film - a movie that made you jump - and he had never done a film where he wielded a sword and this sort of fit that bill." Still, Cage's incredibly busy schedule made it almost impossible for him to work on Season of the Witch. "This movie had to be done in the winter and Nic always seemed to be busy in the winter. [But] At the end of 2008, he let us know that he wasn't busy in the winter of 2009, so we offered it to him", Roven said. "He and I had great success together on a picture called City of Angels and him and Dom Sena had success with Gone in Sixty Seconds, so he ended up saying, 'let's do it'!"
Even after landing a bankable leading man and a solid supporting cast, Roven further explained that there was a lot of work to be done after the shoot wrapped. Many may remember that the film was originally set to open in early 2010 but was inexplicably pulled from the release schedule. I made sure to get the low-down straight from the horse’s mouth. From visual effects to character development, Roven says that “there were some things that we felt we could do better. One of those things was the relationship between Nic and Ron [Perlman] and the back and forth about trying to figure out exactly what the girl's story is.” I don’t want to spoil anything, but let’s just say that the “back and forth” directly involves the “big twist” of the story, so everyone who plans on buying a ticket to the film should be thankful that the filmmakers decided to take the time to get it right.
Season of the Witch also stars Christopher Lee, Ulrich Thompson and Stephen Graham. Catch it in theaters this Friday.

WHAT IT’S ABOUT?
Claire is an attractive CIA operative and Ray is an M16 agent who simultaneously leave their Governmental spy activities in the dust to try and profit from a battle between two rival multi-national corporations both trying to launch a new product that will transform the world and make billions. Their goal is to secure the top-secret formula and get a patent before they are outsmarted. While their respective egomaniacal CEOs engage in an unending battle of wills and one-upmanship Claire and Ray start out conning and playing one another in a clever game of industrial espionage that is even more complicated due to their own long-term romantic relationship.
WHO’S IN IT?
Reuniting Closer co-stars Julia Roberts (as Claire) and Clive Owen (as Ray) turns out to be an inspired idea. They turn out to be the perfect pair oozing movie-star charm and electricity in this elaborate con-game that might have been the kind of thing Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant might have made in the '60s (in fact they did in Charade). Roberts with that infamous hairstyle back the way we like it and Owen looking great in sunglasses prove they have what it takes to navigate us through this ultra-complex plot in which no one is sure who they can trust at any given moment. They play it all in high style and the wit just flows as the story skirts back and forth during the period of five years. The supporting cast is well-chosen with juicy roles for Tom Wilkinson and Paul Giamatti (out of their John Adams duds) as the two CEOs going for each other’s throats. Giamatti who sometimes has a tendency to overdo it is especially slimy here and great fun to watch.
WHAT’S GOOD?
Big-star studio movies today rarely take risks and often talk down to the audience but in Duplicity writer/director Tony Gilroy (Michael Clayton) has crafted a complicated con-comedy that requires complete attention at all times just to keep up with the dense plot’s twists and turns. It’s the cinematic equivalent of a New York Times crossword puzzle and Gilroy and his top-drawer production team deliver a glossy beautiful-looking film that’s easy on the eyes hitting locations from Dubai to Rome to New York City.
WHAT’S BAD?
Like any good puzzle it sometimes can be frustrating putting it all together and Gilroy’s habit of taking us back in time and then inching forward gets a little confusing even with the on-screen chyron pointing out where we are at any given moment. Stick with it though and you will be well-rewarded.
FAVORITE SCENE:
A scene near the end where the formula must be found scanned and faxed in a matter of minutes is sweat-inducing edge-of-your-seat moviemaking and it provides the ultimate opportunity for Roberts and Owen to take the “con” to the next level. Another where Roberts uses a thong to try and trick Owen into admitting an affair he never had is also priceless and gets right to the heart of the game-playing.
GO OUT AND GET POPCORN WHEN ...
Never. Stock up during the coming attractions. If you miss a moment of this entertaining romp you might never figure it all out.