No Comment!

05Jan

I don’t get much feedback about this site.

I’m not complaining, mind you. I suppose the nature of this blog doesn’t really lend itself to meaningful and intelligent dialog. Since I am frequently ranting about fairly large groups of people and the retarded things they do I guess I cannot expect you to respond when there’s a fair chance that I am actually talking about you (yeah, you!).

Just for fun, however, a while back I enabled moderated commenting on the site in case someone wanted to provide a lucid counter-argument to any of the points that I had made. In the months that followed, I received a few legitimate comments but they were buried under a mountain of spam. The comments are all moderated, and I don’t approve many of them, but I have kept several of the ones that struck me as particularly funny. Here is a sample of just a few of my favorite comments about the Bacon-Wrapped Blog entry:

“Your blog is so informative … ..I just bookmarked you….keep up the good work!!!!”
-Terry Brooks

Aww, thanks Terry. Coming from an award-winning author of books and screenplays, I am flattered. It’s great to see that we share a keen interest in baconology. If you need a hand with the next Shannara book, let me know. We can do lunch.

“There is obviously a lot to know about this. I think you made some good points in Features also.”
-viagra

For a little blue pill, you really seem to appreciate smoked meats. Thanks Viagra! Just for you, I think I’ll add a “Features” section, and make some good points in it.

“Why hello associated forum people! I well-grounded wanted to introduce myself here as this looks like a dialect right interesting forum! I myself am engrossing in things like writeing and computer revamping so if anyoune needs facilitate reveal me differentiate! I also Suffer from Sciatica so if you aslo fool this infection let me skilled in so we can share some stretches!”
-undulkylype

I am honored to have my humble blog graced with the presence of the translator for Zero Wing. I am truly not worthy! Thanks! Oh and I don’t currently “needs facilitate” anything, but when I do you will be the first one I contact to “reveal [you] differentiate”. Promise.

No, as you can plainly see, I don’t get many legitimate comments, and it’s really kinda depressing. Reading through a small sample of the comments I have received that I think might not actually be spam, I am starting to form a frightening mental image of my main audience. I am picturing a couple of toothless hicks in a trailer park getting drunk by doing shots of rubbing alcohol every time I say the word “asshat” in an entry (toss another one back boys! that one counts!).

I do sometimes get some face-to-face feedback , but this tends to boil down to “Why don’t you use your powers for good?”, “Don’t you have anything better to do with your time?” and, occasionally, “Why aren’t you wearing pants?”. To these, I can only respond “Because good is boring”, “Not really” and “Because they chafe”.

I mean, seriously, what the hell else can I do? What other avenues could possibly give me such creative enjoyment without the involvement of mood-altering drugs? In case it isn’t obvious, I like to write, but until I had this blog I really didn’t write anything larger than a Post-It Note. At least not for enjoyment.

But, just to play this out, let’s explore some possibilities…

I am a fairly sensitive and creative guy. I can empathize with people and find a way to convey those emotions with flowery words. I could write heartfelt greeting cards that truly capture the mood of the sender.

You know? I think that one might actually sell.

I am fairly intelligent. I am well versed in wide range of scientific principles, and can recognize their benefits… and dangers. I could write warning labels for potentially hazardous products.

You’ll never know till you taste them!

I am wise beyond my years. Others frequently seek me out for my advice. I could write fortunes for fortune cookies.

Distribute those at all-you-can-eat places, and it’s a good bet the message will be appropriate.

Any of those might be passable alternatives, at least for a short while, but they don’t exactly lend themselves to the long-form writing that I have become accustomed to and yet, despite that fact, they all sound an awful lot like “work” to me. And, it’s not as if any of them would offer me a better connection with my potential audience anyway, especially the Silica Gel one. So… I think I’ll stick with blogging for the time being.

Thanks to the feedback I have gotten, I now know that my blog is a “dialect right interesting forum”, which can’t be a bad thing… can it? And, if nothing else, it’s still serving me well in its role as “free therapy”, and God knows I need as much of that as I can possibly get.

See your problem is multi fold,
A) you don’t spell anything wrong and you use close to correct grammar.. Right there you are eliminating half of your reader base who is interested in nothing but seeing you make an ass out of yourself and then brazingly showing your reading population how much smarter they are then you..
B) Your posts are long, and again .. that scares away trolls who are usually afraid of scrolling, or reading, or something but either way they don’t get to the bottom of the post to find the reply button.
C) Your posts are strewn with undeniable truths and facts .. and how can you do nothing but agree with them? (my grammar might get more responses then your initial post) and again this goes back to point A, the remaining half of your readers want to find something to dispute (since they can’t find any misspelled words) and call you an ass over your terribad opinions.
D) You use big words, that have like 3 syllables, “appreciate” “Facilitate” so you have scared off the final 3 people who might have commented about your posts, but unfortunately stared at the computer screen wondering exactly what you just said.
That being said .. I giggle when I read your drivel ..