Star players: but who will win it – Ian Wright or Thierry Henry?
Composite: Rex

Euro 2016 means one of two things: you are either preparing to get stuck into a month of international football, or you are about to avoid it all and finally catch up on House of Cards. BBC and ITV will be dominated by the tournament for the next four weeks, and both broadcasters have assembled their squads of big-name pundits ready to sprout platitudes about “desire for the ball” and “giving 110%”.

The BBC has the big game between England and Wales, as well as Northern Ireland’s opening match against Poland and their final group game against world champions Germany. ITV will show the opening match between France and Romania, plus England’s games against Russia and Slovakia. Both sides will show the final. But who will come out on top? Let’s take a look at each side.

The presenters

Gary Lineker heads up the BBC’s coverage and brings with him both a smooth presenting style and a beard that makes him look like an off-duty musketeer. It’s a winning look and, crucially, the bet he made on his beloved Leicester City winning the Premier League won’t kick in until the start of the next Premier League season – so there’s no chance of turning on and catching him presenting in his underpants. Over on ITV we have Mark Pougatch, a dependable and unmemorable man who has the dubious honour of making former host Adrian Chiles look like George Clooney in terms of showbiz glamour.

Final score: Lineker has this one in the bag. Somewhat under the radar, he’s turned into a great sports presenter.

The ex-pros

ITV sees regular pundits Lee Dixon and Ian “inexplicably small glasses” Wright joined by former teammate Emmanuel Petit. Arsenal fans will be sure to tune in to check if the former owner of France’s most famous ponytail will bring the same class to the panel that he did to the “Invincible” side of 2003-2004. ITV continues the French theme with Christian Karembeu and Louis Saha, along with the decidedly not-French Richard Dunne. Norman Whiteside will provide insight into the Northern Ireland side he represented at two World Cups in the 80s.

The BBC, on the other hand, has some huge names in this category. Alan Shearer – Pow!, Rio Ferdinand – Bang!, Thierry Henry – Va Va Voom! It’s an impressive group, boosted by newer faces such as former England players Jermaine Jenas and Danny Murphy, both of whom have proved insightful when called upon. Sadly, though, the BBC is also taking Wales international-turned-Strictly-contestant Robbie Savage.

The ones who were meant to be playing

You can understand the thinking behind getting players who would be on the field were it not for injury to join the panel; they offer expertise unavailable to outsiders. But you can’t help feeling it’s a bit unfair on Belgium’s Vincent Kompany to not only miss the tournament, but to then have to watch his teammates play while sitting alongside BBC colleague Mark Lawrenson and his array of garish shirts.

“I am disappointed not to be in France with the Belgium team,” Kompany said recently, with the air of a man already working out how to avoid Robbie Savage’s banter for four whole weeks. “But to be there with the BBC will be the next best thing.” ITV, meanwhile, only has Peter Crouch, who is still playing professionally. Expect him to do the robot if England beat Slovakia.

Final score: BBC wins. Kompany is an eloquent speaker and should make an interesting pundit.

Back of the net: Jacqui Oatley plays her part for ITV. Photograph: ITV

The managers

With regular pundit Roy Keane part of the Republic of Ireland set-up this summer, the role of man-barely-struggling-to-contain-his-contempt-for-everything is up for grabs on the ITV panel. It could well go to former Croatia manager Slaven Bilić, currently in charge of West Ham, who can take Roy’s spot if he can master Keane’s trademark 1,000-yard stare. Glenn Hoddle, a man who lost the job of England manager after suggesting disabled people were being punished for a sin in a previous life is, inexplicably, still trusted to broadcast on live TV. He will sit alongside Bilić on the ITV side.

This unpredictable lineup is more enticing than the BBC, which has opted for Gerry Francis and former Celtic manager Neil Lennon. Anyone interested in spotting a proper 80s mullet in the present day should keep an eye out for Francis, whose hair looks a lot like you imagine Donald Trump’s would if you brushed it off his head and down his neck.

Final score: ITV. After a great first season at West Ham, Bilić should prove himself again here.

The women

Ha ha! Oh, you’re serious? Well, both sides have a single female presenter, in the shape of Jacqui Oatley (who regularly tweets about the subject of gender equality in the game) for ITV and Gabby Logan for the BBC, but ITV goes the extra mile by actually taking Chelsea and England’s Eniola Aluko to France as a pundit, which shows progress at least. Heaven forbid there’s too much of the same thing on TV this summer, eh?