Please do us all a favor and fire Mr. Ziegler, and then fire yourself.

Andrew Colin
via e-mail

Chris Ziegler responds: I hardly consider myself non-Christian. Just last year, after attending midnight Mass, I gave my mom an air pistol, 250 rounds of ammunition, and a T-shirt with a skull and the legend, "Kill 'Em All, Let God Sort 'Em Out" on it. Then we sat down as a family, hugged one another tight, watched Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, and learned a little lesson about the real meaning of Christmas. But I guess those Martians taught me wrong. In the future, I'll turn my back on crassly commercial leech tycoons and concentrate more on the gifts that reflect a real Christian perspective: cocaine mirrors, deformed human skulls, 8-foot pagan idols and, per Steve Lowery's recommendation in the same issue, oral sex.