Hogwarts becomes second free school closed in a week.

A school for wizards has become the second free school to be closed down in a week. Hogwarts, a publicly funded but independently run free school, was ordered to close after Ofsted inspectors found live animals running free, students experimenting with dangerous plants, bullying at an unacceptable level, ghosts being used as teaching assistants without any CRB checks and students playing the game Quidditch without the appropriate safety equipment.

There was also criticism of the late head master Albus Dumbledore for continually allowing and occasionally encouraging a young student to enter into potentially fatal battles with ‘he-who-must-not-be-named for legal reasons’.

The board of governors has released a statement condemning the decision. “The board find the criteria of the inspections not in line with the purpose of the school. Although we may neglect maths, English and science, how many other schools teach their students to levitate objects, turn people into rodents and fight with teachers using deadly spells? We also had our foreign language policy questioned, but we are proud to have children fluent in ‘Parseltounge’, a serpent-like hissing language with less spitting than French.”

The statement continued: “We will continue to seek private funding for the school as we believe it very important to teach more wizards to a standard capable of finally ending the reign of terror of ‘the dark lord’, Michael Gove."