Your Humble Scribe

Friday, October 19, 2012

Oh, bother.

Ever since I got back from Blogorado, I've not been feeling Up To Snuff.

It got steadily worse, until finally I head into Bugscuffle Clinic & Bait, where it's fairly obvious that they remember me from last time.

When I say "fairly obvious" I mean that there's a giant fluorescent pink sticky note on the outside of my file which reads (in silver sharpie ink) "DO NOT GIVE THIS PT NTG IF HIS BLOOD PRESSURE IS NORMAL OR LOWER!" with the "DO NOT" circled. Multiple times.

Heh.

I am shown to a room, the nurse gets my vitals and promises me "someone" will be in shortly.

Sure enough, I look up and there's someone who looks vaguely familiar holding out a paw for a shake. I squint, imagine I'm looking up at him from a steeper angle, mentally put defib paddles in his paw ...

We shake hands, and things seem to have changed. He listens, by which I mean that this time I'm doing more talking than he is, and we seem to be getting along just fine.

There is much listening to my chest, and finally he opines that it sounds like I have pneumonia, and would I mind having a couple of x-rays taken and some blood drawn?

"Nah," sayeth I, "That's what I expected."

He takes a deep breath, and asks -- and I'm quoting here: "Does this pain feel anything like," here he pauses, leafs through my file until he finds the page he's looking for, and then carefully articulates, finger tracing a sentence, "An ice-cream headache with a grudge and a club?"

*sigh*

Nope, I state, rather firmly I will admit.

He takes another breath. "Your file show that you don't present normal symptoms for, well, anything. Do you mind if we get an ECG, just to be on the safe side?"

I feel my eye twitch.

He holds up both hands, "If there's a problem, and I don't think there will be, but if there is -- no one will call anything unless you specifically ask for it, okay?"

*sigh*

So. Five minutes later, I'm laying on the same damned bed in the same damned ECG room from last time, with some disgustingly cheerful tech sticking leads on my chest.

"Okay, sir," she burbles, "Have you ever had one of these done before?"

I twist my head to look at her.

"You obviously weren't here in May."

She smiles at me, then hits the button. The ECG purrs, and spits out paper.

A tearing sound followed by a long pause, and then then sound of sneakers rapidly exiting the room.

I start mentally reviewing curse words, then lean up on one elbow, find the 'PRINT' button and print meself a copy.

I execute a Migraine Salute for a very long time, then start mentally reviewing the locations of the exits until my front pocket starts ringing. I weasel my cell-phone out, look at it, but the screen only shows a number. Huh.

"LawDog," sayeth I.

To which the happily perky voice of my cardiologist -- whom I've not spoken to in months, and never by phone -- responds, "How's my favourite grouchy patient?"

I blink. Several times. "Doc?"

"I'm looking at your ECG on my iPad. You want me to come over to Bugscuffle and push on your chest?"

"What?"

"Looks like you've got yourself another case of pericarditis, but if you'd like I can push on your chest again."

"I'll pass, doc."

"Okay. Rest! Same drugs as last time. Rest! Five days off of work, and then call me before you go back. Rest! Come see me in a week. And rest! Ciao!"

The phone goes dead.

Umm. Wow. The future, it is grand.

I'm still looking at my cell-phone when the Nurse Practitioner comes into the room, both hands held up in a placating gesture, "Mr. LawDog, I'm afraid that you don't have pneumonia. You've got ..."

"Pericarditis," I interrupt, "Again."

He blinks. I hold up my phone, "Cardiologist just called."

"Wow. We just e-mailed the ECG, like, two minutes ago."

"Yeah. I think I'm going home now. Anything to add?"

"Nope. We called the 'scrips in to your pharmacy. Call us if anything changes."

MMMMmmm, one quick thought, since repeated getting pedicarditis isn't good or typical.

Have you mentioned to your Doc's, in your little rural corner of American, you have spend many a year in far away lands with bugs and germs they've likely only heard about once in med school and was told you'll likely never see this in the good ole USA?

I'll have Calmer Half to put a word in with the man upstairs about you healing up fast and not getting this again, if you rest up. Have fun with herself and the furballs, and remember, house remodeling isn't rest, eh?

Lawdog, I'd like to second Anonymous-at-3.43- PM's suggestion. You and I have been in too many parts of the world where lingering bugs, virii and beasties can affect us for years to come. Might be well worth a diagnostic screen for tropical nasties.

'Dog, I don't you from Adam (or Eve), but you, like Elmer Keith and Skeeter Skelton,are one of the best friends I have never met. Take care of yourself, Brother. We can't spare another inspired scribe. You still have a book or three to write. Speaking of which, get on it! :-)

All you have to do now is terain the dogs in the art of can opening and your problems will be solved.Take care of yourself, and take care of your lady...the two of you manage to make my day each and every day.

Great Freya, I agree with Dan C on getting Herself a cattleprod, also agree with ALL of the book notes and will you PLEASE take care of yourself! You are the major light in a lot of folks days! AD could certainly help with a few (appropriate) hints. What would Chuy do without you to back him up - hum - come to think upon it, maybe someone else will letyour cardiologist know about your (other) lifestyle...

Fer cryin' out loud, Dawg. Getcherself a ghost writer, editor, whatever and start on the first book. Then when you're rich you can cut your hours at Bugscuffle Po-lice, Appliance Repair, and Fishing Tackle and go fishing. Your faithful readers will appreciate your efforts. for many happy years. Give Pat McManus a run for his money.

Lawdog - ask your cardiologist to explain to you how going up in elevation effects your ticker. I'm no longer allowed to go to Denver or Mexico City (as if I'd ever want to again) without first being medically prepped for the change in atmospheric pressure. Same for joyrides in unpressurized tubes thrown through the air.

But if you ask me, this most recent incident was the result of Sumdood - I don't know how, but I'm sure he's to blame.

I'm in for the book too. Must have the tale of the old gent who went home that final time. That's the best thing on the Internet, and thinking of it still makes my nose stuffy. Hard to figure out how my allergies can kick up just thinking of being out in the brush like that, but they do.

Not even O'Henry can make me laff like you can, LD- none better, IMO.Now, if a book is in the offing, I'll tenth or eleventh the chorous to git it writ.In the interim- please do as ordered and get some rest. I recommend fishing and recoil therapy interspersed with bouts of typing.

LD? In case no one has ever told you this before? Getting sick is suckage. Therefore I'd highly recommend not doing it. ;)PS...can they make the bloody captcha's anymore bloody difficult to read? *grumble*

Can someone please explain to me how Lawdog here has taken something that is roughly as serious as a heart attack and made it funny?Because he's still here to tell us about it.

Well, that and the fact that he's Lawdog, and has a natural flair for the language.

Now, Lawdog, an update might be appreciated, letting us know that you've knocked out a couple dozen chapters of the book and are otherwise unharmed as a result of your talking to the cardiologist. again.

I've had pericardia, too. There's a very distinctive rasp that medical types can hear through their 'scope. I was the willing patient that every single med student, intern, resident, etc. listened to. Once you've heard it, it become instantly recognizable in the future. Most med types don't ever get a chance to hear it.

Lawdog,Having suffered, misdiagnosed, for years with pericarditis, I can vouch for the discomfort. I note the interval of your acute symptoms is similar to my own. Find a really good rheumatologist and test for FMF. Pericarditis is a possible but not common manifestation of FMF. There is now a known genetic marker for the condition. If it is FMF it can be managed.