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Does Anyone Know A 12-Step Program For Hypocrisy?

I admit it, I’m an addict and I need help. I can’t kick this by myself. I’ve tried, time and time again; it’s just so easy to get a fix. I’m a hypocrisy junkie, no matter how hard I try, it’s everywhere!

It’s ruining my marriage, not that I have to steal to get a buzz, but the constant Fox News on the TV, Talk Radio while I drive, slipping out of the living room to check some right wing blogs in the evenings, just to get a quick fix.

My addiction started long ago, Nixon and his “I’m not a crook” maybe, that was more lie than hypocrisy, that junk had been stepped on so many times it was pitiful. It was a different time, hypocrisy dealers used to be persecuted, the stuff was hard to get. Known dealers were excoriated, many a political career was ended after getting caught selling a single dime bag of hypocrisy. Like that idiot with the boat in the 80s. You could always spot the addicts, huddled around a smoky table in the local bar, talking about politics, scratching and sharing whatever they had to keep the shakes away. Sharing stories about abortion being a right but the right to keep and bear arms isn’t, second-hand hypocrisy was the best we could get unless it was an election year. The stories from that would keep us going till the next.

I went on a month long binge in the 90’s while one of the dealers debated the definition of “is”, another binge in 2000 while the democrat cartel whined about a stolen election.

I guess it was around 06 when hypocrisy was de-criminalized. No more waiting on a corner “more dead than alive,” just turn on the TV, the MSM has medicinal hypocrisy. There’s some good stuff out there now, you can get Progressive Unicorns, Pelosi’s Ecstasy, Grayson’s Gold, Reid’s Rave, and of course, The One.

Like today, I was going cold turkey, sitting with my wife watching The Series, and then it happened. Just a simple commercial for the local news and the headline…

Obama urges Karzai to address corruption

There was my “sweet taste”, I had to have more. Oh and there was more, sweet, sweet hypocrisy…

I was scratching uncontrollably as I heard the former ACORN Lawyer, from the same party as Charlie Rangel, scold Karzai about election fraud and corruption, ohh this is some good stuff…

“Although the process was messy, I’m pleased to say that the final outcome was determined in accordance with Afghan law, which I think is very important,” Obama told reporters today.

My hands shook uncontrollably and my jaws clenched as I remembered and compared the demonstrated importance of Afghan law with the demonstrated value of Honduran law…

[Interim President Roberto] Micheletti later joked with his aides that [United States Secretary of State Hillary Clinton] stuck so close to her message it appeared she had a limited vocabulary. “I kept trying to explain our position to her,” he said, according to officials close to the talks, “but all she kept saying was, ‘Restitution, restitution, restitution.'”

Speaking on Friday in Pakistan, Mrs. Clinton called the deal a “historic agreement.”

“I cannot think of another example of a country in Latin America that, having suffered a rupture of its democratic and constitutional order, overcame such a crisis through negotiation and dialogue,” she said.

This stuff is so pure I almost OD’d. Next thing I knew I was ranting and frothing at the mouth, my daughter ran to lock up the guns while my wife grabbed a cold compress for my forehead but the needle was already in my arm.

That salute was it, my eyes rolled back in my head, which my daughter says is really creepy coupled with the foam flecked lips and my language in those moments. That’s all I remember, I came to a little while ago, in the woods behind the neighbor’s house. Thankfully I wasn’t driving, thankfully my neighbor was right there beside me, he wasn’t driving either and we both had our clothes on. We could have been shot.

We need some serious hypocrisy regulation and I need to find a 12 step program, I can’t go on like this.