Nice Well I know nothing about writing lyrics sorry but I guess I can throw in topics I know about his misfortunes...

Chounou of course is his eternal tormentor, he feels bad to let people down but he even has started dreaming about asking Downtown and the crew to let him off doing it. He said he went to the denists and the X-Ray showed he might have damage to his brain from being knocked about (people asked if that had always been there ). In interviews these days he jokingly says it's grounds for a lawsuit to have an old man being beaten up by a wrestler and reckons his juniors should get it (Cocorico). Or Hamada, just to see what would happen!

Moriman, he often tells a story about how he began to get bumps all over his head from being hit by the burdock. So he pleaded with staff to not include burdock anymore. Then the next Moriman event, he discovered a fresh order of tons of burdock. He tried to carry them himself and hide them so they couldn't be used. I think in a Downtown DX Hamada said he even wondered why there were bundles of burdock lying in random places around the studio. It was all to no avail as when it came to the day of filming the next Moriman they still had plenty of burdock!

Matsumoto is always teasing him these days about the bald patch on the top of his head any chance he gets.

When he was starting out in his career, like Downtown, he had a bit of idol status for his young looks. He received a ton of Valentines chocolates from fans. But suddenly his public image changed and he was seen more of a "hetare" (cowardly fool). So next year he got zero chocolates and even less TV work. He bucked things up though after watching a TV show about a little pug dog standing up to a big St Bernard. He found the pug dog laughable then he realized he could identify with it being seen as foolish. So from then on he used people's lack of confidence in him to his advantage, leading to stuff like Moriman, the little guy hopelessly trying to defeat the bigger brute.

He has the strange luck of getting blank fortune cards which is apparently rare, but not exactly desirable.

Hm that's all I can think of off-hand, I'm sure there's lots more though.