Friday, April 29, 2005

I'm Sorry, but Skorts Really are Not So Cool

Bear with me. It’s Friday and I don’t have a lot to do until quittin’ time. This may be long and pointless. Since I am a MENTAL GIANT, I decided make a list of a few things that have been bothering me since yesterday when I was driving through the rolling, burnt-down trailer littered hills of southern Indiana (it really was a beautiful drive, but the meth labs are ooc).

1.While driving the company car through said country hills (a Crown Victoria, natch), I had nothing to listen to but the radio, and this means nothing to listen to but country and Jesus chat…this came to a head when I heard a country song with the lyrics “We’re always lookin’ for love and somethin’ to please us/We either find it with drugs or with Jesus.” Hmm, kind thought there were other things along that spectrum, but maybe not. Good or bad; black or white. I think that’s kind of my problem with country music. It’s all so cut and dried and the lyrics are eerily straightforward. You either have the badass “boot in your ass guy” or the loving family man who wants to sing about the troops, his tractor and how he’s going to be a better husband and father. I’m waaay overgeneralizing (not a word, I know) here and I don’t know what I’m talking because I don’t really actually listen to the whole songs, just snippets as I’m scrolling up and down the dial. That’s my real point, actually. I’m just saying that’s what most of the country songs seem to be about to me.

Anyway, my ma point is that all that scrolling in broadcast wasteland makes you feel like you’ve hit the jackpot when you find a station that’s not playing country or Billy Graham. So there I was listening to and perhaps even enjoying, given the circumstances “Hanging by a Moment” by Lifehouse (desperate times call for desperate measures). Just as the song was wrapping up, I moved it on up to the next station and heard the end of White Lion’s “Wait.” Don’t you hate that? You’re listening to a pseudo lame song on the radio because you think there’s nothing else, but then you switch it up only to find you’ve missed one of the most rockinest tunes you forgot existed. In that case, ignorance truly is bliss. I’d rather not know I sat through some Marcy Playground song only to just barely miss some Fine Young Cannibals.

2.It was also not awesome when, on the phone the other day, my stepmom asked me if I wanted a pair of plaid skorts she just wasn’t ever going to wear. PEOPLE THAT ARE RELATED TO ME SHOULD KNOW ME BETTER. I think even some random person who just clicked on this blog for the first time and will never come back would probably be able to go 70-30 that I’m not a fan of skorts(!) or even worse, red plaid skorts meant for the golf course. SEMIRELATED:For some reason, this chick named Taffy has a site dedicated to the vile things.

See? Now typing that I feel sort of bitchy. There are countries where young women go without skorts, never knowing the style and freedom some pleated miniskirt/short combo could bring. I’m a spoiled brat! I thanked her for the offer but politely turned it down. How do you let someone know they’re so misguided without being rude in a situation like this…especially since you want to laugh/sob at the thought of your parents actually being able to conjure up images of you gallivanting around in some kicky skorts, a pair of denim Keds and maybe one of those jaunty Blossom hats. Damn, my life isn’t a Kotex commercial from 1992!

3.The word “whilst” kind of bugs me. At first, I saw it around here or there, charming its way around modern vernacular with its less popular buddies “mayhap” and “shant.” I thought, “How cute. Ne’er do wells across this great land are engaging in a little harmless vocabulary tomfoolery.” But the tomfoolery escalated into shenanigans and then reached critical mass at rabblerousing. Why does everyone think it’s so cool to use “whilst” all of the sudden? I know vintage décor and fashion could come into style, like say the mid century modern craze or the 70s boho look, but plucking an old-timey word from obscurity is a new one on me. I wonder if they’ll soon have T-shirts at Hot Topic that say things like: “Whilst on vacation at the dunes, all my grandma got me was this stupid T-shirt.”

ha- my mom actually asked me the other day if she could buy me a "cute" denim skort she saw on sale somewhere. I think its something in the air. I may end up with the damn thing because I was not very aggressive about saying "HELL NO."

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