How To Change Your Victim Mindset To A Victor Mindset

Have you heard of the classic victim versus victor mindset? If you haven’t, you need to. This mental attitude consists of two separate and opposite mindsets, recognition of which can help you attain your goals and feel fulfilled in your personal and professional lives.

Having a classic victor inclination helps you create an easy integration of your work-lifestyle balance and reinforce a positive outlook in life. On the other hand, having a classic victim disposition creates a negative outlook on life and deepens your work-lifestyle imbalance. Recognizing these two different mindsets will help you focus on the internal work needed to quit making excuses and look for extrinsic motivations. If you’re feeling out of balance and unfulfilled, it may be your fault.

In order to understand the importance of the classic victim versus victor mindset, let’s use a coin as a metaphor. One side of the coin, which is bright and shiny, represents the classic victor mindset. The other side, dark and tarnished, represents the classic victim mindset.

If you are not in control of your life, then you’re, in essence, just flipping a coin in order to determine your life outcomes. Maybe it will land as bright and shiny, maybe not. Only you have the power to avoid such a coin flip and make sure your life stays on the right side. The classic victor, with her in-the-moment attitude, focuses on the positive and systematic pursuit of consistent short- and long-term goals.

So, where do you start in order to stop being the classic victim? Start by becoming aware of your personal, internal dialog: the silent conversation all of us have inside our head every day. Then comes categorization. Which of your thoughts are positive? Which are negative? If you’ve never kept track before, do so now, and I think you’ll be surprised at how often you’re concerned about the dark and tarnished and not the bright and shiny.

The classic victim’s behavior often includes the following:

• Constant excuses and complaints

• False blames and promises

• Fear of making mistakes and commitments

• Belief in quick shortcuts and outcomes

• Lost resources of time and energy

• Learning without applying new knowledge

• Lack of self-confidence and self-efficacy

On the other hand, the classic victor’s behavior usually includes:

• Constant motivation and goal setting

• Honoring impeccable values and promises

• Overcoming fears and obstacles

• Implementing effective solutions and productivity

• Focusing on progress and time management

• Growing by using new knowledge

• Following through to goal completion

If you choose to positively influence your thoughts and reinforce the behavior of a victor, you are progressing, not regressing in life.

We can be aided in this analysis by another metaphor. Let’s think of your thoughts as involving hardware and software. The hardware is, of course, your brain. The software is what you run through your brain in the form of conscious and unconscious thoughts. This software runs thousands of thoughts through our brain each day, 90% of which come from the past — for one with a classic victim mindset, probably even more.

By managing your internal dialog, you can stay motivated and guarantee that bright and shiny life outcome. If you don’t manage your internal dialogue, you almost guarantee a lack of motivation and achievement.

So, each day, ask yourself this question often: Do I benefit from having this specific thought?

I think it will be extremely illuminating. Please share your learning with me.

I am a Certified Executive Coach specializing in Emotional Intelligence and Leadership Development, a leader, who has 20 years of corporate leadership experience and 17 years of personal development experience.
After graduating from Ural State University of Economics in Yekaterinburg, Russia with an MA in Organizational Development, I spent the next seven years with a major Russian corporation. I started as an Organizational Development specialist and through hard work and diligence rose to Vice President. After perestroika I started my own business, which I successfully operated until 1999 when I left Yekaterinburg for the United States. My first and only employer for the 17 years I have been in the United States has been the oldest coaching school in the world – The Coaches Training Institute (CTI), San Rafael, California. I started there as the Accounting Manager and rose to Director of Human Resources. I have several times reinvented myself as my learning has led to one career milestone after another. Saying in alignment with some of my personal values, which are continuous learning and honoring my life purpose, I started my own company – InLight Coaching for entrepreneurs and executives -- in 2007. I have logged more than 10,000 coaching hours in service to my clients, who come from throughout the world.
Almost daily, I inspire my clients and remind them that it is their choice whether to remain one of the world’s best-kept secrets or to be a gift to the world. Because of this, I have been called an awakener. I take that as a compliment!