Taking a momentary respite from its real mission (an ill-defined cocktail consisting mostly of breathlessly awaiting the advent of the New Caliphate and hating the Jews), the Iranian Mullahcracy has struck a blow in the war against bad taste. Iran has banned the mullet and other offensive Western hairstyles.

"Seriously, You Guys Should Be Thanking Me That Someone Finally Had The Courage To Say, 'Hey, You Look Like An Asshole With That Haircut.' I Mean, Geez, I Wouldn't Wish That Rat's Nest On A Filthy Jew."

Wali bin Gud, Iranian Minister of Enlightenment and Cultural Decency, had this to say:

“It is incorrect to say that we have banned offensive Western hairstyles. Rather, as in the case of the mullet and fauxhawk, two particularly odious hairstyles, we have banned offensive hairstyles which happen to be Western.”

Some observers were surprised to see Iran working toward the common good. However, Professor Emil Haagerdäddi, a senior fellow at World Think Center For World Thought, says that Iran is not as altruistic as they might appear.

“You have to remember that everybody must do their thing,” explains the learned academian, “Get their freak on, as it were. In this way, national bodies are no different than individuals. Iran’s thing is, and always has been, repression. Aside from swap-meet style rugs, thuggish jackbootery is perhaps their best-known national product.”

Festering To Bring About The Mulletocracy By Any Means Necessary, Y’All.

Reaction to the mullet ban has not been universally positive. FIFA called it “Repression of the cruelest kind. When you strip a man of his mullet, you strip him also of his very soul.”

Look At This Picture: How Can Hating This Douche Be Wrong?

The Iranian National Soccer Team was said to be particularly disconsolate.