Clash of the Titans

Since 1981, "Clash of the Titans" has been best mocked and enjoyed rather than analyzed and explicated.

The ageless combo of pouty, pretty Harry Hamlin and Ray Harryhausen's classic stop-motion creatures - his last - holds up pretty well today, but it's wise to approach it as a colossal rolling ball of orange cheddar. Don't overthink it. Open wide. And don't bother complaining if it stinks.

What to make, then, of Louis Leterrier's fancy remake? Aside from a few alterations, the story hasn't changed much in the past 29 (plus some-odd-thousand) years. We're still following the doughty demigod Perseus (Sam Worthington) on his quest to decapitate Medusa, slay the monstrous Kraken, rescue Andromeda (Alexa Davalos) and exact revenge on Zeus (Liam Neeson), Hades (Ralph Fiennes) and all those gods hanging around Mount Olympus.

Only the trappings and technology have changed. So there are various ways to approach this. One might pick apart Leterrier's ("Transporter 2") hyper direction and the film's variously authored screenplay with a pair of tweezers, comparing its kicked-up pacing and burly action set pieces with the somewhat lax and rubbery feel of the original.

But no matter how you dissect it, "Clash of the Titans" will never, ever be a serious motion picture. No matter how much money you throw at it, no matter how many sequels it spawns, no matter how much lip service it pays to Big Ideas like humanity and sacrifice, it was, is and shall remain a story about guys in skirts fighting giant scorpions while others guys stand around acting annoyed on a cloud. Very bad dialogue is dispensed by very good actors surrounded by effects of assorted quality.

This was true in 1981. It's still true in 2010, though the visuals are way beyond what the legendary Harryhausen was able to accomplish onscreen in the ante-pixelated era. Yet Leterrier and Co. seem divided on whether to embrace the film's camp heritage or outright disown it.

There's not a lot of humor in this new "Clash" - not intentional, anyway. I quite fancied Neeson, who wears his gleaming Zeusian armor with the same look of dignified submission, or maybe shock, that Sir Laurence Olivier sported in 1981.

I got a kick out of the Stygian witches, who now resemble talking coconuts. And if I heard correctly, Mads Mikkelsen gets to speak this very line as one of Perseus' comrades: "If there's a god in you, be sure to bring it." To mock it is to love it.