Independent Scotland will still be run by rich people who look like horses

David Cameron has warned the people of Scotland that even if they achieve independence from the United Kingdom then they’ll still ultimately be run by rich people who look like horses.

Speaking from outside his travelling cabinet meeting now situated in Aberdeen, the Prime Minister warned “They own most of the land, most of the property and most of the industry. They haven’t actually got four legs but they look like the very close relatives of someone who has. They’re probably partial to the odd sugar lump as well. But they’re all in charge behind the scenes. That’s why we make so many u turns. To appease the wealthy horse people. Many of whom are my friends.”

Speaking from a similar meeting up the road, Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond explained “Scotland has to make a decision as to whether to have an independent Government who couldn’t run a piss up in a brewery or be part of a United Kingdom Government, that couldn’t run a piss up in a brewery. Obviously you can swap one set of self serving politicians with another but ultimately you’ll all be owned and governed by the same rich people who just happen to look like horses. But don’t forget a ‘yes’ vote will give me the grand title of Puppet Dictator and of course get me a huge pay rise.”