The World’s Worst Resume

A person’s resume presents to potential employers one’s qualifications and shows a glimpse of who they are as an individual. It can often make or break your chances of even receiving an interview for a job. Here’s how to not to write a proper resume.

John Doe
(415)123-4567beerlovermaniac666@somewhere.com

Goal: To earn a six-figure salary for everyday that I work (like Barry Zito)

Education: Don’t remember

Skills:

Burp nonstop 50 times

Whistle “The Star Spangled Banner”

Drink 40 shots of vodka before passing out

Roll my tongue

Make at least 45 different fart sounds

Criminal History:

October 1998– Arrested for attempted murder on former employer

Birth-Present– Served a total of 25 months in prison for multiple instances of possession of weapons charges, resisting arrest and drug smuggling

Work Experience:
Maintenance worker at Harding Park

Collected golf balls from water hazards

Strip Club Bouncer

Dealt with rowdy drunks and hostile guests

Awards/Honors:

World record holder of “World’s Longest Time Spent Watching Television Nonstop”