Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Monday

Joke
N°
905

The Blonde Date
A man is out on a date with a blonde woman. After dinner and a movie, they head up to "Makeout Mountain," where things get a little hot and heavy.
The guy leans over and asks, "Do you want to go in the backseat?"
"No." Unfazed, they continue making out.
The guy tries again. "Do you want to go in the backseat?"
"No." A little frustrated, the man decides to ignore it. They continue to get pretty into it.
Soon, the man figures he can ask again. "Do you want to go in the backseat?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I want to stay up here with you." Jimmy C.

Tuesday

Joke
N°
906

Talented Penguin
A penguin walks into a bar and asks for a sandwich and a pint. The bartender is astounded by this talking bird, and starts asking him questions. The penguin goes on to explain that he is working at the building site across the road.
Weeks go by and the penguin becomes a regular lunchtime fixture at the bar.
One day, a circus comes to town and the ringmaster walks into the pub. He starts chatting with the barman and learns of the talking penguin that frequents his establishment.
Amazed at this -- and somewhat skeptical -- the ringmaster retorts that if this were true, then he would draw in the crowds with an act such as a talking Antarctic bird. The barman says that the penguin should be in soon, as it was nearly lunchtime. So the King of the Ring sits in the corner and waits.
Sure enough, in walks the penguin and orders his pint of Guinness and his tuna sandwich. The ringmaster walks over to the amazing bird to introduce himself.
"Hello there," says the ringmaster, "I run the circus that's in town and I am always on the lookout for new talent. Can I offer you a job?"
"Is it that big tent in the park?" asks the penguin.
"Yes," replies the ringmaster.
"The big round tent with the pole sticking out at the top, and the flaps and ropes?"
"Yes, yes, my feathered friend."
"Don't be stupid," says the penguin. "I'm a plasterer!" and walks back to the building site. Greg R.

Wednesday

Joke
N°
907

12 Women
A group of people were in a shipwreck and were stranded on an island.
The group consisted of 12 women and one man. After a few months, the women became horny and it was decided that the man needed to take two women a day, but they allowed him to have Sundays off.
One Sunday, the man was just relaxing when he noticed a boat nearing. He felt hopeful that maybe they would be rescued, at last.
The boat was almost at the island, when the guy noticed there was a man in the boat. As he got out, the stranded guy said, "Oh my God, buddy, am I ever glad to see you," to which the second guy responded, "Well all right sweetie! It's been a long time for me too."
The first man exclaimed, "Oh hell, there go my Sundays!" Vince R.

Thursday

Joke
N°
908

The Duck
A husband walks into his house with a duck under his arm, looks at his wife and says, "This is the pig I've been sleeping with."
His wife looks at him puzzled and responds, "You idiot, that's not a pig, that's a duck."
The husband replies, "I know... I was talking to the duck." Mike Polacek

Friday

Joke
N°
909

Don't Mess With The Judge
Three men were at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunken guy to jail.
The next day, the man went before a judge. The judge asked the man, "Where do you work?"
The man said, "Here and there."
The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?"
The man said, "This and that."
The judge then said, "Take him away."
The man said, "Wait, your honor, when will I get out?"
The judge said to the man, "Sooner or later." Ryan G.

Saturday

Joke
N°
910

Old Man
A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him.
He found the old man in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?"
The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!" Benny G.

Sunday

Joke
N°
911

Big Man In A Small Town
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to his hometown after graduation because he could be a big man in this tiny town.
He really wanted to impress everyone, so he opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk to his office. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while saying, "No! Absolutely not! You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than $1 million. Yes. The appeals court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument, and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details."
This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while, the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man.
"I'm sorry for the delay," he said, "but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"
The man replied, "I'm from the phone company. I came to hook up your phone." John L.