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My House Is Being Haunted by The Worst Ghost

Or: I’m Pretty Perplexed by My Dogs^^Bear with me on this one, guys. It’s a long one.

So I think it’s pretty clear that my default setting is “Cat Person,”^ ^Further proof can be found here and here and here.

This doesn’t mean I don’t like dogs, or that I’m not a dog person. It means that when it came time for my to harass my parents for a pet as a child, I was prioritizing cats.

My husband, on the other hand, is a default Dog Person. So when we moved in together, this happened:

Cats and dogs, living together y’all.

I pretty much instantly fell in love with the dogs. Like, snuggly, fluffy, cuddly love. Sometimes, though, dogs make my life very mystifying. Allow me to explain:

About a month ago, I came home from work.^^^^This is normal. Sometimes I actually DO go into the office, and then I have to come home afterwards, or my employers would be charged with kidnapping.

Throwing all your work in the air when arriving home is the proper way to acknowledge the end of a work day.

But something was amiss.

Very amiss.

There was…a smell. It was a smell unlike any other smell I had ever smelled in my house. It was a smell with personality. It was insidious and pervasive – somehow, it was everywhere and nowhere all at the same time.

EVERYWHERE.

I did eventually find the source.

They are very, very happy dogs. Like, all the time.

The smell floated around our dogs like an odoriferous aura. It didn’t seem to come directly off of the dogs, but rather wafted from their surroundings. So I did what any rational person would do – I washed them.^^^^^^With help. From the person in the house who is actually good at washing dogs.

This doodle implies far less water everywhere than actual dog washing entails.

And everything was great.

I should not be allowed to draw dogs.

For about half a day. And then the smell started to return to our house.

We tried all of these things. ALL OF THEM.

We tried everything from baking soda and carpet cleaning to dry dog shampoo. Nothing banished the smell. It would leave for a day, maybe two, but then it would slowly start to seep back into our home. It lingered around our dogs like an aura. And that’s how I figured out what’s going on.

Our dogs are being haunted by a stinky ghost, and now it’s stuck in our house.

Actual photo

Let me explain.

Our dogs are explorers. They love to play with other dogs, and run around the yard a million billion times. They love to lay in the grass and try to eat bugs.^^^^^^^^And sometimes turtles and snakes, but they aren’t very good at that, so don’t worry.

They love to sniff out new smells and make new friends.

Stinky ghosts are very friendly.

Clearly, my dogs have made friends with a wild stinky ghost.^^^^^^^^^^This is not a type of Pokemon. Do not try to catch it while playing Pokemon Go.

This says “Want to be best friends?”

And they brought it home.

I have been drawing houses like this for my entire life.

And now it lives with us.

Yes, our dogs do look this pleased with themselves. All. The. Time. They are very happy.

It may never leave.

Stinky ghosts love to follow you everywhere.

This is the only reasonable explanation for the new smell my dogs have introduced to the household. My cats, on the other hand, continue to simply smell of cat and carefully coat our entire house in fur.

Dogs are so unpredictable.

An Aside About the Stinky Ghost
(for people who want to ruin all the magic in the world)

We took the dogs to the vet. It was a yeast infection on their skin, because it’s humid outside. We are responsible pet parents, and we love our adorable dogs:

(Also all the doodles in this post look weird because I drew them in pencil. As an experiment. Not an accident or anything. Definitely an experiment.)

I'm Michelle. This is my blog. I write about women and fatness, expound upon semi-coherent thoughts I have in the middle of the night, and offer tough love to those in whom I am disappointed; they are legion.