MILDRED Baena, the woman who while working for Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife Maria Shriver, was impregnated by the Sperminator, presents their son Joseph to Hello!.

Joseph is 13. Mildred is 50. She has five children. She worked for the Schwarzenegger family for 20 years. Her mother also worked for them. Her sister still does. Mildred says she is not being paid for the interview.

ARNOLD Schwarzenegger’s son Joe, the one he had with Mildred Baena, used to visit the Spermiantor’s fmaily home and play with his four other kids (number is liable to alteration). But Mrs Arnie, the fragrant Maria Shriver, scion of the Kennedy dynasty and thus a figure virtually reared on tales of extra-martial sex, never knew. To her, the sight of five square-jawed robot-kinder that looked a lot like her husband in place of the four she has with the actor aroused no suspicions.

ARNOLD Schwarzenegger – in the news for shagging Mildred Baena (photos) and having a ten year old child with behind the back of all media – was a “sexual dynamo” who, says the NoTW, “deliberately targeted unattractive women for affairs – because they worshipped him more than beautiful ones.”

The source of this is a “dossier” put together by “former Hollywood private eye Anthony Pellicano”.
In it, he opines:

“Gorgeous women intimidate Schwarzenegger because they are harder to please. He sees himself as the dominant, beautiful one.”

ARNOLD Schwarzenegger, star of True Lies and Junior, has a love child with Mildred Patricia Baena. Arnies’ wife, Maria Shriver, and Baena were both pregnant at the same time. Shriver and Arnie’s ‘s son Christopher was born on September 27, 1997. Mildred and Arnie”s child was born on October 2, 1997. They could pass for – yep, you’re well ahead of us – Twins…

ARNOLD Schwarzenegger fathered a child by a staffer named Mildren Patricia Baena, aka Patty Baena, before he began his politcal career. The story never came out until now. Who needs super injunctions when the press is the pocket of the elite? Here’s Mildred:

CHEATING filthy secret baby-having Arnold Schwarzenegger has to admit that his marriage to Maria Shriver is over. Just like his potential. He’s peaked. His best films are behind him, he bafflingly got into a political position of power and he had a really cool wife… and he’s ballsed the lot up.

And so, wiping away his testosterone injected man-tears away while looking at his family photo-album, he’s faced with a bleak future of readymeals for one and Harry Nilsson’s ‘Without Her’ for company.

Of course, he has to make peace with himself. As he can’t say “I forgive you’ out loud to himself without it sounding threatening or hilarious, he has to go about making amends with the housekeeper he impregnated, which got him into this terrible pickle in the first place.

STEPEHEN Lawrence looks out from the Daily Mail’s cover. He is flanked by two men alleged to have murdered him: Gary Dobson and David Norris. They are two of the five “lovable rogues” (as Dobson called them on an ITV interview) who are alleged to have murdered Lawrence at a bus stop in London back in 1993.

Dobson and Norris also feature on the front pages of the Mirror, Sun and Star. But on those paper, their faces are pushed down the news agenda by, respectively, Arnold Swarzenegger’s “SECERET SON” (photos of his lover Mildred Baena and the boy here), Ken Clarke’s rape homage to Whoopi Goldberg (Rape is not always “rape rape”) and Wayne Rooney’s “threat to knock out a fan”.

Only the Mail gives this story of institutional racism, murder and corruption the prominence it deserves. But, then, it did once before, too. In 1997, The Mail named five men as “MURDERERS” on its front page.

BICEP brained Arnold Schwarzenegger is probably sat somewhere on his own right now, silently weeping over photographs of his family that he destroyed when he forgot to put a condom on while entering his maid and then keeping the resultant child a secret for a decade or so.

He’s probably sent texts to Maria Shriver, his soon-to-be-ex who will take him to the financial cleaners, saying ‘I can change’, which are clearly very funny if you read them aloud in his voice.

ARNOLD Schwarzenegger, now known as The Sperminator, has not only been shagging the help – he’s fathered a child by one worker (she’s called Mildred Patricia Baena – photos of her and a child) at his family home. The L.A. Times reports that the baby was born over ten years ago – before Arnie became a politico.

The mother had the baby and continued to work for the Family Arnie for ten years. She only retired from servicing Arnie in January. Mrs Arnie, Maria Shriver, thought the baby was fathered by the woman’s husban.