BREAKING: Hillary Is Guilty

The investigation being run out of Tinfred, Arkansas is leading down a dark road for Hillary Clinton. The 8-year-old bot who was discovered in a shallow grave, identified as Bill Clinton’s love child Michael Ascott, probably never knew his father and probably never met his wife…but his mother certainly did.

Marie Ascott, who died of cancer shortly after her son went missing, had no family and nobody to fight for her, so she apparently fought for herself. Authorities searched the trailer Ascott lived in with her son, which had been abandoned since the 1990s, and found two key pieces of evidence. Ross Cotrain, the lead investigator for the Sheriff’s Department, told reporters:

“We found an envelope taped to the bottom of little Michaels dresser. Inside was a letter that we will be able to use as a dying declaration stating that Hillary Clinton paid Marie Ascott a visit and told her that her “bastard son” was being “taken care of” and so were all of her bills. Ms. Ascott asserted in the letter that she wsas dying and that if anything ever happened to her son that it was the Clintons who did it.

Mrs. Clinton’s biggest mistake was probably that she purchased the mobile home and the acre of property it sat on, allowing the evidence to sit untouched all of these years. That letter stated that Mrs. Ascott was visited nearly a month after the child’s disappearance.”

It’s clear that Clinton had “taken care of” Michael Ascott another way. She visited his mother to get her to stop pursuing the case, which she did. Deputy Cotrain says the letter will be released to the public in full as soon as it’s verified authentic by a handwriting analyst.