Are You Really Committed To Changing?

Someone once said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." I know this may seem silly, but people tend to do exactly that. They don't like what is happening and they say they want things to change, but then they do the same things they have always done, which of course, produces the same lackluster results.

Committed To Changing A friend of mine asked me for advice about what she should do about someone she is dating. She told me that she really likes him, but now he wants her to meet his elderly parents on the following weekend. She told me she was concerned that it was too fast, that she likes to take things slowly and be really cautious. So I asked her, "Well, given what has happened in your past relationships how has taking things slowly and being really cautious worked for you?" She paused, thought a moment and responded, "I will go meet his parents this weekend." In that moment it became clear to her that her method in relationships was not necessarily working for her.

She revealed that she took things so slowly and was so cautious because, in fact she didn't trust people. By looking into the past and asking herself how successful she has been with "her cautious method," she was able to see that it was not producing the results she wanted. This enabled her to realize that instead of being extra cautious or going to the other extreme of rushing into things, she could instead let the person know that she has some challenges trusting people and ask for help-which empowers the other person as a partner in helping her find a solution that works for the two of them. After years of working with people, I truly believe that many people are unaware of how habitual their problem solving methods are. And if they are aware, they rarely take a hard look at how successful or unsuccessful those methods have truly been for them. So if you are having some issues, challenges or problems, look at your methods of trying to resolve them. If they are not getting resolved, try something different. You may not know what the answer is, but at least by trying something different you have the chance of breaking through and solving the issue you are wrestling with. Remember what Thomas Edison said, he knew 5,000 ways on how not to make a light bulb--and of course eventually he discovered the solution.