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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Sung to "Sometimes When We Touch"It's an oldie, so: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blz71TWLbC8

Your ass cake's why I love you, you're such an awesome guyI'm glad you're getting out of jail, but Mark, that means goodbyeAnd who am I to judge you, for a lady part or two?I'm only just now comfortable saying whatevs to you

And sometimes -- just a touch...Your manhood's just too muchAnd I have to close my eyes and hideYou're looking good for an old guyDear God, that's not a lieYou're my Homie. Please don't think I'm being snide.

********

Ack, I see a typo in my previous poem! *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*

(only had to read it five times to find it. All fixed :) - the wrecksistant)

Re cake #1: I can guess what the two grey circles with the black swoosh might represent, (rhyming with class) but I can't work out what that extra bit shaped like a beaver's tail is supposed to be. So obviously, I haven't "got it" yet. I anxiously await the rest of you commenters to enlighten me and end my innocence. <drumming nervously> Do I really want to know?

Ok. I was listening to Lady Gaga when I saw this post, so here it goes:

These cake wrecks today, they are beautiful - Hey!These are not cake wrecks, baby, they were ordered that way!Don't get me down todayfor celebrating that way, these are not cake wrecks, baby,they were ordered that way!They are spelled ok - Yeay!Though it should be "you're" not "your" - Hey,these are not cake wrecks, baby, they were ordered that way!Celebrate your parole dayin your own "whatever" waySo you have a new uterus,don't be weirded outcelebrate with us!Whatever's happy todaywrite on a cake in your way,it's not a cake wreck, baby, it was ordered that way!

@Birdergirl and @TLC: my guess is that the extra grey part on the left is part of the animal's leg, and the two grey things at the top are its ears -- the rest of the animal is buried under the frosting-- it's probably to emphasize the particular "part.” And, perhaps the white represents snow, as in "this is a snow job," or, maybe, it suggests, “this job is for sh*t,” and instead of all brown frosting they went with white guano…but I dunno…

The "beaver tail" is actually the rear left leg; why the other one isn't shown is beyond me. The two grey monolith thingies are the ears. The idea is that it's an equine sunk into the cake. (I'm not sure if I'm proud or scared that I get that.)

My eldest is off to school todayI thought the house would be quietBut apparently not so.YoungestIs declaring she's bored she'll die; It

Will take a "Friend like me"To brighten her blueThis house needs magicRobin, we still need you

And on the ass cake, that's not even a proper jackass/donkey tail. Those should look like Eeyore's tail, not a lovely fluffy horse tail. Of course, many wreckorators would end up with something unintentionally phallic, with that tuft of black hair on the tip.

I like to think that the decorator added the question mark at the end of the 'new uterus' cake because, even after double-checking the order, they couldn't figure out what that was supposed to mean either.

Introducing the 'Happy Whatever' cake: perfect for when you have no idea what you were invited to but want to ensure that there is cake.

I'm assuming that the 'Manhood Hooray' cake was for a bar-mitsvah, even though it doesn't quite fit. I just can't think of any other occasion that would merit that cake.

The first one certainly looks like a horse's arse, which is fine, I suppose, if you like that sort of thing on a cake which is apparently intended to congratulate. But what I can't figure out is why the horse(if that's what it is) looks like it's duck diving into a pool of milk. And IS that weird lump a poo? Can a horse swim and poo at the same time? Why would a horse want to duck dive? It's a horse. And why in milk? It couldn't see anything. Especially if it swims face first into a cloud of its own shite.

The first is a one-trick pony (failing badly at a new trick - marshmallow wallowing), the last is a one-number homie. (ba-dum-tish!)...I take that to mean he can't remember his phone number or PIN or password or shoe size or even the first 25 digits of Pi, but fortunately he found a shirt with the name number as his house, so at least people can help him get home each day. Probably the Manhood Hooray cake is for him, too. I imagine it's his catchphrase whenever someone asks him a difficult question like "Phew, man, why do you stink so bad?" or "Why can't you put the toilet seat down occasionally?" or "Did you really think Granny's 80th would be better with strippers?"

Is it wrong that I wanted Mark's parole cake to have the words written in a big smiley curve around the edge so it looked like a happy face instead of a gritted-teeth bug-eyed monster?

The second last cake uses the principle of 'a picture's worth 1000 words' and should read something like: "Dear God, Your old cherry grove was overburdened with fruit so I went to the shed and found a bucket and a ladder, then took them both to the orchard. I leaned the ladder against a tree and climbed aloft, but was disappointed to find all the fruit had been pecked by birds...[continue for another 918 words]...and that's how I made this tasty-looking dessert, which I am leaving on the alter in the cathedral, since the postal service declined to deliver it to you. Sincerely, Your faithful believer. "

Of course, the poor baker realised four words in that his or her letter to God would not all fit on the slab of chocolate and had to leave the (rather tedious) tale truncated. Fortunately, God is omniscient, so it's all ok. :-)

I used to decorate cakes at an ice cream store and the things some customers wanted written on the cakes were rediculous. There was a "F**k you Jim", "Bleached Anus", "It's my birthday and I'm a huge slut!". Ive had people have me write random letters, not as decoration either. Some people are just strange =\