Consume now and avoid the rush later

In just two months, all Earthicans will celebrate our most solemn
joyous holiday, Christmas. This is when we gather together or separately to remember the day, in
753BC, when Abraham Lincoln first climbed Mount Kilauea to beseech
Barbarella to erase our consumer debt, vanquish the Chinamen, and
restore Consumer Confidence to the world.

We commemorate this by exchanging gifts.

So that you can impress others with your gift-giving planning and
thus win the Decemberween liquors, here are my suggestions for how to do
your shopping sooner rather than later:

Artfood

Bathsheba Grossman art -- a good place to spend $50 or
$1500 or anything inbetween. I recommend
one of these for any bio/med/chem people you know;
or
this or
this
for any aliens you know;
or
one of these
for any cubicle-dwellers
(or in roughly lime-sized miniatures if you worry someone will put their eye out
on one of the larger ones). I got a few of her pieces
recently, and they're like owning a hallucination.