The Biggest O

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I never imagined I would be publicly discussing sex but here I am.. all empowered and unashamed. So… where to begin… Hmmm..

I didn’t have an orgasm until I was 25 years old. I had faked plenty prior to that but up to that point, I was having sex that was permitted but not wanted. In other words, I was only agreeing to it out of a desperate need to be loved… so of course I didn’t enjoy allowing someone to use me.

It wasn’t until I was with someone who truly understood my body and cared as much about first, me as a person but also as much about my pleasure as his own that it finally happened for me. Before then I really didn’t see what all the fuss was about. I was always glad for it to end quickly.

We have been conditioned to believe that sexual pleasure is bad or evil. That’s a load of shit, guys. Orgasms are pure. I think on some level I had been holding on to some shame. I say I’m immune to shame and although on the surface that appears to be true, deep down I had lacked the ability to let go.

To even be able to have an orgasm I had to work out the tensing of the muscles that is necessary to get there… the moving into it. Then, one day I just thought: if I am tensing my muscles during orgasm is it possible I am not fully experiencing this as it is meant to be experienced? Tension creates resistance. Would it be different if instead of tensing, I just relaxed all my muscles? So I tried it.

IT WAS DEFINITELY DIFFERENT. The tensing was still necessary to a degree but when I reached that point of no return, I began to take slow deep breaths and relaxed all of my muscles. The orgasm literally moved up and down my entire body and…. I only thought I knew pleasure before that experience.

There was so much temptation to tense up.. it was like my body was begging me to tense into it.. muscle memory maybe? I resisted the need to tense… it was not easy at first but trust me, it is SO worth it. You just have to stay with the deep breaths.

It’s not just the physical that is so amazing… Emotionally there was a feeling of unity and oneness within me. The first time I experienced this, I remembered who I truly am. Now, this orgasm did not lead to any sort of awakening within me. That does not happen through orgasm alone… but it did help me to become more self aware and more in touch with my own energy.

You have to show up for this without expectation. You are not attempting to achieve orgasm. It is all about the experience. There is no end goal. Essentially, desire is transmuted into non attached bliss.