Friday, October 17, 2014

Friday Funnies: Bar Jokes

It's Friday, Inky friends...would you like to celebrate with a cocktail? Whether or not you drink "adult beverages," I hope you enjoy these jokes. (We think they're bar none! I know...groan. Ha!)

A drunk walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender says gruffly, "I guess you can stay here, but don't try to start anything."

* * *

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Where's the bartender?"

* * *

A neutron walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer. How much will that be?"

The bartender responds, "For you? No charge!"

* * *

Two men walked into a bar. You would think at least one of them would have ducked!

* * *

A rabbi, a priest, and a Lutheran minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

* * *

A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter-flavored potato chips?"

The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."

* * *

E-flat walks into a bar, The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors..."

* * *

A hamburger and a French fry walk into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here."

* * *

A potato walks into a bar and all eyes were on him!

* * *

Jesus walks into a bar and says, "I'll just have a glass of water."

* * *

A guy with dyslexia walks into a bra.

* * *

A string walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender turns to him and says, "Sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here."

The next day, clinging to a thread, the string returns to that same bar and orders a drink again. The bartender, resolute, again turns and says, "I'm sorry, sir, but like I said, we don't serve strings here. I'm going to have to ask you not to return."

Dejected, the string returns home. All night he tosses and turns, wriggles and writhes, and awakes the next morning not at all resembling himself. Catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he brightens and jets out his door to that bar.

Swaggering in, he orders a drink one more time. The bartender stares at him, squinty eyed, and asks, "I'm sorry, are you a string? You look very familiar."

The string locks eyes with the bartender, and states, "No, sir. I'm a frayed knot."

* * *

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

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