American Latinos invade Hollywood. 'Bout time.

MIJA: Speedy Mija Gonzalez

June 17, 2010

“Daddy, will you teach me how to run fast?”

“I don’t know, mija, you’re kind’a chubby. I still can’t believe how you crossed all eight lanes and ran belly-first into the bleachers at your track meet today. Chubby and crooked ain’t a good combination for speed.”

She slumped…her little belly popped out further.

I couldn’t take the sight of seeing her sad or seeing her little belly bigger than it already was, “Okay, mija, let’s get you running straight first.”

She lit up like a little round fat tomato and followed me out to the street.

“I want you to run from this light pole to the next light pole and stay in the middle of the street, okay?”

“Okay, daddy.”

“Go!”

She took off…moments later…boom! She ran into the Payless shoe store wall next door and wobbled back to me, “Sorry, daddy.”

“It’s okay. Did you at least steal some tennis shoes? The ones you have on now are wearing out hella bad on the outside of your heels.”

“I didn’t.”

“It’s okay, let’s try it again, mija. Go!”

She took off…moments later…boom! She knocked the nearby fire hydrant off of its base…water shot out and she wobbled back to me, huffing and puffing, all sweaty, nasty, “Sorry, daddy.”

“It’s okay. Did you at least drink some water?”

“No.”

“It’s okay. Let’s try it again. Go!”

She took off…moments later…boom! She knocked over the paletero’s ice cream cart and wobbled back to me, “Sorry, daddy.”

I snatched the five ice creams she had clutched in her little fists and shouted, “Gimme that sh1t! Go!”

She took off one last time…moments later…boom! She ran into a UPS truck head-on, in the middle of the street!

She wobbled back to me, “Sorry, daddy.”

“No no! That was good! Practice makes perfect! We’re gonna do this all day!”