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Top Ten Thursdays!

January 28th, 2010

Welcome! You’re the first! You! You are the first! Here on the Red Hot Blog we have started ‘Top Ten Thursdays’, where each week we look at the top ten of…well, whatever we want! And, whatever you want! Each week we’ll count down the best, worst, funniest, saddest, loudest, hottest, of anything! Tell us what you want to see in the TTT (Top Ten Thursdays). Top Ten Jelly Belly flavours? Top Ten hairstyles by Lady Gaga? Top Ten places to go to the bathroom in Toronto? Anything!

In honour of this weekend’s Grammys, we’re looking at the ten craziest outfits in the last ten years. Whew! What a decade! Lots of skin, lots of leopard, and lots of fruit! Ch-ch-check it out!

1. 2000 – Britney Spears in ‘Nun Prom’

This picture explains a lot to me. Every time Britney shows up at awards shows, in clubs, at the grocery store…really anywhere, and looks almost naked, she is rebelling against this dress. This turtleneck, southern belle, prom peach explosion. No kidding Britney was open to wearing a live snake in later years! Someone probably pulled that dress out again! I’d risk death by snake bite over that thing too. Go down with dignity, I say.

I think we all remember seeing Jennifer Lopez in this outfit and thinking, ‘one sneeze, and she’ll be naked!’ While on the red carpet, a reporter asked J Lo’s then boyfriend, Puff Daddy (I think he was still Puff Daddy then), “how long did it take Jennifer to get into the dress?” to which Diddy replied, “I don’t know, but it’ll only take me about two seconds to get her out of it.” You stay classy, Diddy.

3. 2001 – Toni Braxton’s ‘Jay Bird’ Dress

I feel like Toni Braxton was trying to out-naked J Lo’s naked dress from last year. Mission accomplished! What is there to say about this…this…what do I call this thing? Good rule to go by; if you need a full body wax and make-up for your butt in order to wear your outfit, there’s a good chance that you’re showing too much skin. Is it cold in here, or am I just naked?

4. 2001 – Destiny’s Child as ‘Poision Ivy’

Ooooohhh gurls, y’all shoulda say ‘No, no, no’ to these matching outfits. It bothers me when smokin’ hawt people dress ridonkulously bad because they think they can pull it off. It’s like you’re spitting in the face of your good genetics. It’s disrespectful and frankly, insulting to us average folk. Stop it.

5. 2002 – Pink in the ‘One Legged Crusader’

I kinda get this outfit. I’ve often stood in the shower and shaved one leg, only to think, ‘ugh, do I really have to shave the other one, too?’ I’m assuming this was Pink’s mindset behind the pant/shorts. It’s a little Moulin Rogue, a little Zorro, a little Playboy bunny, and a whole lotta not good.

6. 2004 – Bootsy Collins in ‘Leopard’

If Tarzan was around today, and was a pimp, he would look like Bootsy Collins. This man obviously knows how to have a good time, and by good time, I mean peeving off PETA. The 1970’s called Bootsy. They want their couches back.

7. 2007 – OK GO in ‘Terrifying’

This freaked me out, it really did. These dudes are hilarious and talented, and I hope that this was at least part of a drunken bet, cuz I can’t understand how they honestly thought it was a good idea. They look like rich Oompa Loompa’s from Hell. It also looks quite similar to the red, face-covering lace outfit that Lady Gaga wore to last year’s American Music Awards. Apparently ugly-lightning does strike twice.

8. 2002 – Alicia Keys as ‘Old Lady’

First it was Alanis Morissette, and then Alicia Keys. Why is it that great female songwriters go through an ill-fated sari-inspired fashion phase? Indian dresses are known for their bright colours and beautiful embellishments, yet Keys looks like she was playing dress up in her grandmother’s attic and thought the outfit could work for the Grammys. It doesn’t.

9. 2009 – MIA in ‘The Bumble Bee’ and ‘The Polkaroo’

You know when you play sports and there’s that one kid with the crazy socks on, and it’s like, dang, he’s gotta be a good player to pull off those socks? MIA is really putting her talent to the test with these two numbers. I’d like to blame these monstrosities on her hormones (she was eight months pregnant at the time), but I feel that would be slighting pregnant women everywhere who can still dress themselves properly.

10. 2009 – Katy Perry as ‘Breakfast’

This outfit is asking for a melon joke. But no, I’m above that. I keep all of my journalistic integrity intact whenever I discuss bedazzled bananas. The dress was inspired by the infamous Josephine Baker banana dress. It’s fun, it’s colourful, it’s glittery and it doubles as an after-performance snack. You go, girl!