June 17th, 2014

IT’S NOT FAR, NOT HARD TO REACH, WE CAN HITCH A RIDE TO ROCKAWAY BEACH

In a podcast there lived a ludicrous, well-designed Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 named The Beast Must Die. Not a stupid opinionated, half-baked podcast, filled with comics and an obsessive smell, nor yet a blustering, gigantic, turgid podcast with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735-podcast, and that means entertainment.

One day, after a troubling visit from the space-giant Gary Lactus, The Beast leaves his podcast and sets out in search of three ignorant toilets. A quest undertaken in the company of listeners, sponsors and ugly meatsacks.

In the search for the Quizzlertron-guarded toilets, The Beast Must Die surprises even himself with his bullshittery and skill as a reviewer.

During his travels, The Beast rescues a Graphic Novel, an heirloom belonging to Gary. But when Gary refuses to try shutting up, their friendship is over.

However, Gary is wounded at the Battle of Crisis Of Infinite Podcasts and the two reconcile just before The Beast engages in some serious shutting up.

The Beast accepts one of the three ignorant toilets and returns home to his podcast a very wealthy Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735.

Wait, what?

<ITEM> Sponsorshiz, Potential Father’s Day, the best Dad’s in comics, Dr Doom, Batman, Lonewolf & Cub, The Ben Elton/Neil Gaimanaxis of evil and more in the now legendary preambular olympics.

<ITEM> The final session in the Quizzlertron, as the boys finish their 100th episode spectacular on episode 105, because let us not ever forget they are PROFESSIONALS. Mighty Crusaders, Al Ewing, ‘wacky’ podcasts and the real Captain Marvel. Including bonus Lady Lactus content, flatmate Laura and Gary Lactus dropping a deuce live on air!

14 Responses to “SILENCE! #105”

Congratulations on answering all your questions! A sterling effort, chaps!

I’m enjoying the increasing coverage of Lady Lactus, although felt saddened by the revelation that she’s not a comic boffin. Her disdain about Gary Lactus and his toilet habits was amusing anyway. As for people shitting with the door open, I think ninjas might, and possibly Leon/The Professional. Albert Einstein used to shit with the door open. No he didn’t, I made that up. Chuckle.

TBMD, I also own a copy of that SPLIT! weirdness that is Captain Marvel. I can’t quite figure out why that title didn’t last. Great powers… well ok, great name… oh. What a weird mess. If I recall there was also a brand new original character appearing in the same issue- Plastic Man! Well other than the existing Plastic Man anyway. I’d like to someday release my superhero comic, it features my characters, ‘Bat Man’ and ‘Spider-Man’.

If you want some discussion fodder, Tam sent me a link with some comic movie adaptations, do you gents have any favourites?

Also other than Dave’s Comics of Brighton, and GOSH, what other comic based emporiums do you frequent? Ever go to the monthly comic mart?

Curiously, I watched the Evil Dead remake just last night, and I’d agree it’s a hell of a lot better than other moderno horro remakes, but it was still never actually scary. Gory and nasty, aye, but never scary. Bah!

Couldn’t find the QuanticKane comic in my local shops. Grumble.

My ‘favourite’ comics dad is 90s Peter Parker, back when he thought being a clone gave him an excuse to punch his pregnant wife against a wall, then run away. Turned out he wasn’t a clone, and Marvel seem to have never mentioned that harrowing Buscema/Sienkiewicz bit of grimy grimness since.

I had the same thoughts on The Wake. Still looks brilliant, but it’s lost focus for sure. I really liked the Crichton-esque sci-fi horror of the first half and would have been perfectly happy for the story to stay in that mode.

On horror remakes, I was surprised to find how much I liked Rob Zombie’s Halloween II. Lots of striking imagery, and he really makes the material his own. The characters are all unbearable, but still.

P.S. – I now have the reviewneverse theme tune stuck in my head. You have a hit on your hands, gents.

P.P.S – It was a thrill hearing Gary bellow my name a few episodes back. Well-bellowed, fellow!

I saw nuEvil Dead in the cinema due to “it’s actually good” hypebollocks, so I of course hated it. I guess it was unusually gory, but I’d inferred from the hubbub that there might be some invention to said gore, which was not the case.

OTHER (SPOILER) ANNOYANCES, SPOILOYANCES:
- Apparently producer/lifelong creep Robert Tappert insisted that the “Classic” tree-rape scene be recapitulated in some fashion, because “the fans love it”. It was and I guess they do, because I’ve read about it getting cheers at screenings, so fuck everyone mentioned in this paragraph basically.
- The “this time Ash is a lady” thing turns out to be utter bollocks, and the cast from the original(s) is recreated 1:1 – they just spend a bit more time and plot on said tree-victim. She gets a second-ending action scene which nominally fits the description, but it’s not the main event at all.

I was let down that they’d included the tree rape scene again, with extra thorny grossness, and am even more let down to hear about people cheering it.

Fucksake.

I like horror films, but dear me do I ever not want to be associated with ‘horror fans’.

Except maybe Kim Newman, who writes a mean early-90s short story, like one I read about a superhero whose skin is made of erectile tissue. I find that when he writes as ‘Jack Yeovil’, he’s pretty good and pulpy, but when he uses his own name he’s a bit ‘blah’.

I think this definitely qualifies as the most intimate podcast I’ve ever heard, although obviously not in a good way.

Very slightly disappointed by ‘That’s because you’re a robot’ although only because it wasn’t the Brass Eye comic I’d been anticipating for months but it was gloriously silly and had lots of quality bickering…

If you want more questions… Best bit of comic violence? (I give you permission to subdivide this into meaningful ‘From Hell’ violence and joyfully meaningless ‘Gaze into the fist of Dredd’ violence categories if you wish…)