Tag Archives: I’ll die before I go back there

Sorry for the absence, publishing those Wolf O’Donnell pictures counted as a “third strike” for us. But we got out in time for the gaming release of the year – Sonic Generations! We missed the midnight launch, as being out after 6pm is a breach of parole, but a fascinating mix of nerds, idiots and celebrities being paid to pretend to like it were there in our place.

After a mental drunken bet with his hi-larious friends, Danny Wallace married a soldier then hosted this event, which appears to be Modern Warfare 3, and NOT Sonic Generations. Which explains the interest from the media, celebrities and people in general.

For example, 2007’s breakout artist Katie Melua was in attendance, who looks like she smells fantastic. After your third strike, you go back to zero and have another three strikes to blow, so we’re ok to speculate on how Katie Melua, and at least two other women, might smell.

J/K LOL. In all seriousness, the above is a SATIRICAL threat on a woman's life.

The picture caption is OBVIOUSLY a satire on how people on the internet objectify women. And like any good internet gaming blog/ major news site, and shit ones like Kotaku, now we’ve leered like the level 2 Rattattas we are, we can get on with the requisite hating on Modern Warfare 3, without having played it.

It seems like a misstep to sell military hardware porn to children, and for it to be the biggest entertainment event ever. It’s exactly what I, Robot (the movie) warned us would happen. 9 dead Iraqi civilians out of 10. We went the IGN route and score our games based on civilian casualties, with their 20 point “Collateral Damage” scale.

Mature gaming for mature gamers. More like MANURE gaming for MANURE gamers.

Enjoy the post, wank aficionados. You aren’t reading this because the hi-def ladies/ hi def furry porn is either side of this message, and your monitor is caked in semen.