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ADVANTAGES
The medal for optimism has been
awarded to a resident of an Ohio vil
lagewhich was flooded last Marclu
The old man was found on the roof
0j his house watching the waters flow
past A neighbor who possessed a
boat rowed across to rescue him.
"All your chickens washed away
this mornin', BUI?"
"Yes, but the ducks can swim."
"Apple trees gone,, too, eh?"-?'
"Well, they said: thejcrop.wpuld be
a faflurer-anyhow." v i i
"Isee the river reached above your
windows" j; "
"That's airtight, Sam. Them win
ders needed washin'!" N, Y. World.
4 o o
JNACCURATE
"What makes Smithson's nose so
red? Does he drink a good deal?"
'Why, jio. I don't thhikso. I know
him well and neyer- saw' him drink
much. 1 think his nose, must be like
mygas meter registers more than
it consumes." Life.
SURE SORRY
Mr. Arnold had given a. Sunday
school lesson on the Prodigal Son,
and wished to test the attention the
class had paid to his teachings.
"Now, children," he said, "who was
sorry that the Prodigal had return
ed?" Nq one replied, but all seemed lost
in thought. Finally, the, most for
ward youngster in the class ven
tured: "The fatted calf" Everybody's.
o--o .
EXTRAVAGANT
She was the youngest, pf eight
children in a "minister's family, and
as his salary was not large she al
ready had learned that there were
many things the family could not
have. One day her father told her
that she had a new baby sister.
- "Well, papa," she said, bravely. "I
suppose it's all right, but it seems to
me there were i lot of things we
needed more." N. Y. World.
i o o
CAPTAIN'S ORDERS
One of the soldiers in a certain
company made a disparaging remark
about the man in front pf him. The
victim turned with indignation and
assumed a fighting attitude. Then
the captain remarked sharply:
"That will do there! We don't want
any fighting men in this regiment."
Top-Notch,
THE REASON
"We don't have any grass growing
in our streets," sneered the N.ew
Yorker.
"I dare say not," replied the Phila
delphian. "I suppose your street car
horses nibble it off as they browse
along." Lippincott's.
o o
THE ONE THING WORSE
"What can be worse,'1 he asked,
"than taking a kiss without asking
for it?"
"I don't know," said the girl, "un
less it is asking for a kiss without
taking it" Ladies ' Home Journal.