Sunday, May 9, 2010

A Mother's Hope & Prayers

Today as I sat in church watching the Primary children sing to their mothers I thought about all of you and wanted to share my feelings with you. I remember when you used to sing the same songs and it really tugged at my heart and brought back sweet memories.

My Dearest Bryan,
From the moment I first held you in my arms I could feel the gift of God in you. A shining light had been sent to us and we hardly knew what to do with you. Born a little man, so strong, so quick to develop both physically and mentally we surely fell short of the blessing you are to us. Even though I had siblings I never knew a baby who could make his way across the floor when only a month old, or who could pull up when told to at 2 months old. I surely wasn't ready for a baby who found me, where ever I was in the apartment, and just wanted to hang out at my feet. No, you didn't want me to hold you, you just wanted to explore. You saved the holding for nursing times, and when your dad came home from work. You two would fall asleep in the rocker and I would wonder why you couldn't do that with me during the day. When you started pulling yourself up on the furniture at 6 months and then crawling 4 days later I was starting to think I'd given birth to a little superman. You could down a whole peanut butter and jelly sandwich as well as a banana at one sitting! At 8 months you started sounding out words and by 9 months you could tell me that you wanted chee, juice, appew, and nana. Thank goodness you walked at 10 1/2 months as I was fairly far along with Stephanie and you weighed 25 lbs by that time. The only reason it took you so long to walk on your own was that you were so fast with crawling and running around the edges of furniture you didn't slow down long enough to learn to walk, so we made you! :-) At 2 you were "reading" stories back to me in amazing accuracy, and could counter my saying 1 with 2, and when I would say 3 you could say 4, and so on up to 10. I know we certainly fell short of giving you all the learning experiences you needed as you were a born sponge when it came to learning. You could read from the scriptures, KJV, by the time you were 5. You have been blessed with talents beyond measure! You have been a blessing beyond measure in my life.

Dear Sweet Stephanie,
You were such a breath of fresh air in a tiny little angel after 16 months of trying to keep up with Bryan! So sweet and good natured, you rarely cried. I would sometime wake up in the middle of the night and touch your tiny body laying in the bassinet beside me as you were so quiet! When you did wake up, even as a tiny newborn, you would coo and chatter with such abandon and always seemed so happy. For months we worried over your continual ear infections, but you rarely if ever fussed or cried even when sick. So quick to smile and giggle, you were so wonderfully a baby in every sense. Soft, sweet, cuddly and loving. You were very forgiving of your brother when he would try and take toys away from you. I could always count on finding you in a box or a drawer somewhere, sitting there playing by yourself, happy as a lark. You would give me that funny lopsided smile and keep on playing, not wanting to be bothered. The queen of mud pies, you could make a mess better and bigger than your brother ever thought of doing. As you got a bit older you struggled a bit with shyness, for no reason I should add. You turned your shyness into a strength when you broke free of it through singing. You have a voice I always wanted, with a full range where I'm weak. You have a way of drawing people to you with your sociality and friendliness. For whatever reason, people just like to give you things, as you must surely give them something they need. You have a way of looking at things that make us all think a little differently and open up our minds a bit more to other possibilities. Your joyful giggle and crooked smile will always melt my heart!

My Amanda,
So different in some ways from your older brother and sister, with a unique spirit as similar and yet individual as they. My Indian baby I've always called you as I knew you were meant to be, just like they were. I saw you in a dream one day with very dark hair so when you were born, I knew we were done having children as you were to be the last. Champion to small animals and lost souls, you have always had a heart so soft it would break at least once a week if not more. I still remember the little pet cemetery you created at the side of our driveway, and how you would make little caskets for your deceased pets out of soda cans you cut open. You would make a soft bed of tissue and gently lay your little furry friends in them, and then pull the cover over and bury them, marking the graves with sticks and wildflowers from the yard. Christmas was always a wonder with your excitement. Taking you to see Santa was a highlight as you would yell through the mall, look there's Santa! and run up to him fearless. The first time we took you trick or treating you were so amazed at the generosity of people you would run back to the van, "Look Mom and Dad, they gave me candy, they gave me candy!!!" We could always tell when Spring had finally hit North Pole as you would run inside the house yelling, "A bug, a bug, it's a bug!!!", as you fled the mosquitoes that inevitably showed up. We could always count on you for drama, as if something was really, really, great, then other things were really, really, awful! You still make us laugh, cry and feel with you as you agonize over friends and loved ones.

To all of you here are my hopes and prayers. I hope and pray that you will remember the goodness of God, and the gifts he has given us. I hope and pray that you will realize the talents you have so fully been blessed with, and will continue to nurture those tender feelings you have for those around you through your talents. I hope and pray that you will remember the touch of your child's hand on your face, or the tiny arms around your neck and know that they are gifts of angels. I hope and pray that you will pray, and ask for divine guidance, as I know without a doubt that your prayers will be answered and you will find peace and joy as you turn to God. I hope and pray that someday we can all be a celestial family as I know that families are meant to be forever, and that God has so much for us, if we will choose his gift. I hope and pray, that you will know how much I love and cherish you. I hope and pray that you know how you have all made my life so much richer, because you are a part of it. I hope and pray that you will know how much I wish I could see you and talk you to and spend time with you. I love you more than you really know.
Love,
Mom