Today we continue sharing YOUR Twilight stories. We’ve heard from many Unicorns over the years (with now real-life friend Jordan being the first, BobbyGee being our favorite Spanish-speaking soccer lover (confused visitor), a new guy named Tom who wrote for the first time last week), and our most recent active Unicorn sends his #RIPTwilight thoughts today. Plus we’re sharing one last letter to Cathy Hardi and a letter from a new Twilight fans. Why are people JUST NOW joining the fandom– we’ve been telling you about it for years guys! You missed all the fun! Hope you enjoy. Try not to try. x

Our Resident Unicorn

What the heck does a late 30’s married father of two do when he realizes that he likes Twilight waaay more than he ought to? He can’t talk to anybody about it at work because all the Harry Potter and Star Wars nerds will make fun of him (irony?). He can’t talk about it at home because even though his wife introduced him to Twi – it’s just a book/movie series, he’s expected to get over it already (no, I won’t!!).

The late 30’s (now early 40’s) married father of two scours the internet for intelligent signs of life that enjoy Twilight, but that DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. That was a quest of epic proportions. But it had and ending of epic satisfaction. A nirvana called “Letters to Twilight”. A magical place, filled with intelligent, witty, funny, passionate and sexy women – who love to LAUGH at Twilight as they LOVE it in massive doses.

The LTT woman. My fantasy now and forever. I’m ruined. They know who they are.

-KStewboy

One last letter to Cathy HardiPour a big glass of The Ultimate Cougarita for this one

Dear Catherine Hardwicke,

The end is here Catherine, and it’s time to take stock and consider what we’d like to ask the Twilight directors. One question stands out for you, and you know what it is: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE AUDITION TAPE?!? Don’t look all innocent, you know the one we mean. When you lured the four ‘bachelors’ (potential Edwards) back to your pad for a make-out session. Sadly, it had to be with Beller not you. Three of them, meh, we couldn’t care less, but the fourth….

You’ve said that Twilight fans couldn’t handle the footage, but have you hidden some snippets in plain view? You’d want to keep ownership of course, have your name on it, so let’s consider one of the Twilight special features, “Catherine Hardwicke’s Bella’s Lullaby Remix“. It’s a nice little video, produced in black and white, and with some excerpts from the film. And…. something not in the film!

What’s this? Ron and Beller (yes I know I’m mixing my metaphors!) making out on a bed, but in unfamiliar clothing, a grey(?) T-shirt for him, light camisole and shorts with black bra for her. Rehearsing? Orrr THE EPIC AUDITION?

What other evidence do we have?

Well, we know from the Twilight Commentree that Ron has a grey t-shirt, he mentioned that he was wearing it for the Biology Lab scene. And we know you’re a kooky creature, I bet you have black sheets on the bed, non? And we know the audition was filmed with a hand-held camera…. so come on Catherine, give it up! Is this from the EPIC AUDITION or not?

Enviously yours for being so close to Ron,
Snuggler

Wish she had more time

Dear LTT,
I really don’t want to talk about the end, it just makes me too sad. But inevitably we are there. For many of you, Twilight has been a big part of your lives for several years now, and well, that makes me kinda jealous.

I’m jealous because you’ve had years worth of book releases, book signings, movie premieres, movie marathons, DVD release parties, Comic Cons, Twi Cons, and all the joy that comes with those things. You’ve been on a Twi-high for a long time…much longer than I have.

That was me just a year ago. (So hard to admit that!) Then my husband bought me a Kindle, which I then proceeded to say: “But I like the feel of a real book in my hands!” *Reminder, I “didn’t read…ever.” Oh, how things have changed.

Because of a suggestion from a friend, the first book I [reluctantly] bought on my Kindle was, you guessed it, Twilight. AND THEN I COULDN’T STOP. I read and I read and I read. Then I watched all of the movies up to BD1, which was still in the theaters, and then I re-read.

So, for me, it truly feels like it just began…and it’s already over. I got one fun midnight DVD release, one movie premiere, one theater movie marathon, and one Twi-Con. I wan’t more and I just can’t have it.

As sad as I am (and that’s, like, reaaallly sad) I am super thankful for one thing (besides my husband buying me a Kindle): Thanks to Stephenie Meyer for writing Twilight. It truly changed my life. I never much saw the value in reading, or maybe I was just caught up in whatever it was I was too busy doing when I was younger, but it started a trend in my life that I couldn’t be happier about – unless I got to read some Midnight Sun, eh?

I’ve read more books in the past year than I have in the combined 26 years before that – and it all started with Twilight. I’ve read books that I never would have picked up a year ago, and it makes me sad just thinking about what I would have been missing.

So, however late I may have been in hopping on this bandwagon, I’m SO glad I finally did. Not just because I now have hot Robward wallpapers for my iPhone or Pinterest boards full of things I never would have cared about if it wasn’t for Twilight. It’s because I now do something the 15 year old me would have thought crazy: read for fun.

Unicorn: A rare mystical creature only rumored to exist but highly sought after. Like a a guy who likes Twilight.

It’s been so long since we’ve heard from one that I almost forgot they existed. Until….. we got this email:

Dear LTT,

First of all, congrats on your life altering hangout session with Steph. I would have vomited as many times as Stephenie addressed me had I been there.

I decided to check out your website after seeing that you guys were picked to be thrown blindfolded in a van to meet the vampire mother.

I have to say that I am troubled to find out from your letters that I am alone in this world. I am a man. Married with 2 kids and one on the way. Surely it cannot be a rare thing that someone like me absolutely breathes and lives Twilight in his life. Are you saying that I will likely never encounter another male twihard in my life. Sure, I’ve never met one but I always thought it was because I just don’t have many guy friends to begin with. I have never been ashamed of Twilight and although in the deepest part of my subconscious I realize the book was made for middle school screaming tweens, I have never felt ashamed for loving a universe I dream of being real. Your letters, however are a forbidden fruit that has unlocked the knowledge of good and evil. I never noticed all the females surrounding me in the garden. I never noticed that I am the only guy there! And even though everyone else is properly dressed with their team Jacob and Edward shirts and jorts, I am the only one naked.

Little do you know that my heart stands strong for Edward and Jacob, and little will dismay my pride in their story. I may not feel for RPatt and TLaut the way a hormonal teen girl exudes, but my devotion will remain. I will continue buying my TwiPhone covers, and TwiDolls. I will unwearyingly buy my daily theater ticket for one. I will purchase all the Twilight movie guides and read the special Twilight edition People at the front of the bus. And I will stand proud in line to get the first BD tickets as the sun’s rays rise to light up my shimmer glitter on my face. I will continue to cry out in one voice with all my sisters for Midnight Sun.

Even if I am the only straight male twitard on the planet, I will embrace all of you as my own family. The question is will you accept me as the only brother?

¿El Único? (the only one?)

I immediately emailed ¿El Único? back to WELCOME HIM TO THE LTT FAMILY!

Read more from the newest sighting of the rare Mythical Unicorn after the jump! Continue…

(Bea writes to Twilight about her well…Twilight-less vacation! Enjoy! XO-moon)

Greetings from Vacation!

Dear Twilight,

I’m nearing the end of a two week vacation, and I miss you. Less than the husband… but more than the cat. Is that normal?

“Vacation,” of course, means camping out in my parents’ basement while also visiting the grandparents and in-laws. The first week was busy busy busy: wedding shower, family reunion, asking an old friend to be responsible for the baby if the husband and I drop dead, adapting said baby to the three hour time change, convincing grandma that baby does still need a nap at nine months old, shopping for family picture attire, etc. Even survived said family pictures without being paralyzed by second-hand embarassment (Everybody in solid blue with khakis this time! Except the redneck wing of the family who will come in green, gray, black, plaid and Hawaiian print! If you’ve visited AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com you have the basic idea). In any case, I was much to busy to send a postcard to a series of YA books and movies or even miss you unless I saw a particularly fine pair of jorts.

But then week two hit. Hubby went home, the round of visits to relatives got mundane, baby stopped sleeping like she was hungover and started teething, shopping turned into returns, and the second old friend I saw is in the middle of a very sad divorce. Altogether less fun.

Bea's trendy baby

I did have a Twi-versation when my sad friend checked out my child’s fangs (top middle teeth aren’t in yet, but side teeth are):

Me: She’s a vampire baby. Very trendy. Sad Friend: [snarky snort] Have you read Twilight? Me: [Guilty pause] Yeah, I gave in and read them when all my students and their moms were. SF: I just can’t do it.

Like I said, not terribly fun. I was shooting for Jacob-esque sunshine but only managed Mike Newton-ish semi-distraction. At least I didn’t puke on her.

Fold into the equation the fact that at the end of week one I finally got to see Eclipse. Free babysitting meant that I even got to go with the husband, Unicorn-In-Denial that he is. So for the first week of vacation, when I did miss you, I got to anticipate seeing you. When we finally managed to slip away from everything I was near giddy (this was the 19th… was I the very last loyal LTTer to see it?). We had a great conversation with my mother-in-law on the way out the door:

MIL: What are you going to see? Unicorn-In-Denial Husband: I can’t tell you, it’s too embarassing. MIL: Is it “The Last Airbender”? Me: Nope. [Internal monologue: No, but one of the actors is in both films. Evidently Jackson’s specialty is embarassing movies.] UIDH: It involves vampires. MIL: Ah… “the saga continues…”

The movie was fun. I mocked the wigs, cried at Renee’s scene, fell in love with Charlie again, gagged at the ring and swooned in the meadow (Moon, you were so right about Rob finally becoming Edward in this one! He almost never looked constipated!).

The kind of postcards I would purchase on vacay

But then tragedy struck. Husband was in a cranky mood due to work thing unfolding at home and would not rehash the film on the way home despite my prodding. I had to virtually do the Heimlich Maneuver to get, “It was only mildly entertaining.” The next day I tried my best friend from college, but she left me hanging with only brief wig commentary. What fun is a Twi-movie without people to discuss it with??? Must start planning for #pillowbite2011 and what I’m calling #NeedToKnow2012.

In short, vacation has become more like real life here in week two and I didn’t even bring a good book to read. Instead I brought the baby book to fill in… yeah, like that’s going to happen! My mom “finished” the one she made about me on her way down to meet the grandbaby this fall. Like I’m going to do my child’s in real time.

And so, I miss my escape from real life: you, my dear, ridiculous Twilight. But there is a substantial problem. No Wi-Fi at the parents’ house. Which means all internet usage goes through the family computer. In the middle of the living room. I snuck in once when the baby had me up but everybody else was sleeping and read the week’s LTT but couldn’t watch videos of Jackson side-talking or listen to Stephenie Meyer sound clips. And then I had to figure out how to delete items from the browsing history. Because my little Twi-closet door has opened too far already this trip. Witness the denial conversation:

Mom: How was the movie? Me: Pretty lousy. We went to see this one because everybody said it was way better than the others, but it would still make no sense if you hadn’t read the book. [She’s also heard the ‘my students wanted me to read it’ excuse.]

So now I’m sitting on the back deck, with a glass of wine, watching the sunset and writing you a postcard that has somehow become an epistle. And my vacation is feeling better again. Tomorrow morning I’ll sneak back to the family computer and send it off to UC and Moon to do what I can to make their vacations more restful. I plan to have the New York Times open in another window as my alibi. If there’s extra time before my dad starts looking over my shoulder I might even get to read LTT. And then delete it from the history. Because that’s what normal adults do.

Wish you were here!
Bea

We wish we were there too because then we could talk about Eclipse with you and maybe sneak out to see it again once we trick the MIL to watching the kid again. So how about everyone else do you clear your browsing history every time you leave the computer? Are you still really in the Twilight closet?

Dearr LTT-ers, Frequently we open the mail bag to bring you letters from our readers. Today’s letter is from K who argues that Twilight is a chick flick and should NOT be watched by watched or the books read by guys. Read her letter and tell us what you think. XO-Moon

For ladies only?

Dear UC and Moon,

Due to a recent development in my love life (thank goodness, right? I was getting a little bored with a lack of one) I think I’ve come to a realization, and that is this: I don’t want to date a unicorn. 😮 *gasp!* I know, right?!

We adore our beloved unicorns. We encourage them. We create them (to the best of our abilities). So why on earth wouldn’t I want my new interest to become one?

Lets face it: Twilight is a chick flick. Movie and books both. There’s absolutely no arguing against that. I don’t care how many wired stunts, mirror crashing action, and buttcrack santa jokes you throw in there; it’s still one of the biggest chick flicks ever. I’ve heard so many people try and argue this point and fight against, but truth is truth. So without further adieu, I give you my stance.

You know it’s a chick flick when:

it’s a love story

the fan base is undeniably, predominantly female and has a “tween” rep

you here shrieks of glee when the title flashes across the screen

the lead male is frequently referred to as “beautiful” on and off screen

it inspires products like lip gloss and shimmer powder

the lead male sparkles

the lead female is fully clothed for over 95% of the movie.

there’s a prom scene and no one dies (so closebella)

the subjects discussed between characters include dresses, boobs, characters’ relationship status’, and the swim team’s peens.

the dialogue includes words and terms like “irrevocably”, “matriculate”, “masochistic”, “Debussy”, and “spidermonkey”.

there’s more silent, awkward turtle, moments then there is action

the only weapons are mind powers which do not translate visually.

fans constantly fight over who’s the dreamiest

it takes place in a forest setting and there’s no sign of elves, dwarves, or an extra-terrestrial fought by a commando who states “If it bleeds, you can kill it.”

And lets face it, as far as chick flicks go, this one is unconditionally and irrevocably one of the chick-iest of them all. Which brings me back to why I would never date a unicorn. Girls always talk about how they want a sensitive guy, who’s not afraid to show his emotions, or cry. Fine, good, be sweet and adorable and cry when your puppy gets hit by a car, but for the love of all that is good and right in this world, do not run out of the room in horror when a spider is spotted and do NOT like Twilight.