Darlings, please pass around this basket of heavy sticks so every kitten can take one. It’s Friday and we’re giving you a pinata. Are we ready? When we say “go,” we want you all to ululate like warrior women seeking vengeance. Okay?

Before you tear him to shreds, hear us out for a second. This is actually a pretty good showing for him. He was made for this kind of look, and it’s slickly and impeccably rendered for him. Although the fit all around is a little dicey, but then again, it’s such an unusual cut that it’s hard to say. Yes, of course pushing up the sleeves to show off the tats AND the uber-douchey watch is not a point in his favor, but he’s well groomed and wearing a stylish suit that’s perfect for him. We’ll give him credit for that.

Okay, the defense rests. Break him open and see what kind of candy’s inside, girls.

Damn right! Just as well we don’t even get a glimpse under that wrinkled mess of a suit.

I do have to say, though, that grading on his usual curve, he looks relatively decent. But he still has a whiff of spoilt brat in need of a kick up the arse. And he needs to get his expensive suit fitted properly.

Also, the tattoos (well, what we can see of them) are tacky nonsense, and he needs to get rid of that excuse for a baby moustache. Perhaps he’s been listening to the French Eurovision entry.

AnneElliot

What mustache?

demidaemon

I just looked back for the facial hair. My response to him has gone my level three fucking to level eight fucking. Jesus.

Lucía Gavello

I threw up in my mouth a little.

sienna elm

How do those pants work? “I’ll take them extra-skinny please…but only from the knee down – and three inches too long.” Really?

whatladder

They are the evening-wear form of jodhpurs.

uprightcitizen

They have a whiff of the jodhpurs that are part of the Canadian Mountie uniform, so maybe that’s what he was going for? Like TLo, I’m inclined to give him a bit of a pass, since he looks more like a young star and less like Kevin Federline (his recent image), AND because he’s attending an AIDS event. But son, if your idea is to disappear from the public eye a little bit and then re-emerge seeming wiser and more mature, you need to stay away a bit longer. A year is probably a good start. Five would be better.

giddypony

I wish he was wearing the hat.

Lauren

Cut him some slack. He’s worn nothing but those horrendous drop crotch pants for the last year, his penis might shrivel up and die if it dares to touch pants too quickly.

demidaemon

I wouldn’t consider that much a tragedy. In fact, it would be a gift to young women everywhere.

Isabel

1. He didn’t have time to go to the tailor. The pants shouldn’t have so many layers! Bad.
2. The waist of the pants are not sitting on his waist. Still trying for the dropped pants look with the skinny pants. Muy Bad.

Golfkat

Not sure. Not sure about anything here really.

Kathy_Marlow

douchecanoe…that’s all I see, douchecanoe

Carly Warnock

I think you must be my soulmate. I uttered douchecanoe upon seeing this as well. Giant douchecanoe.

I was momentarily fascinated, I thought he’d lost a bet to Miley and had to wear one of her body chain thing-ys. Nope, weird tattoo. Never mind!

Sara__B

The shirt is too big for his neck, and the pants are too long for his legs. Even so, he looks better than I’ve seen him look since he was a sweet-looking kid.

artgirl9

Uber-Bieber

yethica

I’m sorry…. what were you saying? I was busy rubbernecking at the amazingly bad pants, the too-large shoulders, and the mustache-that-almost-was…

James

Tiny sausage Friday?

alyce1213

Vienna sausage in a can.

steveac10

Vienna Sausage Friday?
Kind of a cool suit, but those pants are so poorly fitted they look like those satin scrunchy like things they use to hide chandelier chains in overdecorated Boca condos.

Little_Olive

ftw!

Chickadeep

I’m getting some State Trooper realness from the hips down; all he’s missing are the knee-high motorcycle boots. I think he’s working through some *issues* with law enforcement through those pants. Also, at first glance that neck tattoo registered as “rat tail” and I had a moment of panic that those things were coming back.

I was hoping you guys would feature him, especially after I saw a few “…hey, Bieber almost looks good for a change” articles floating around the interwebs today. Because when I saw the outfit in question, mmm, not so much.

FrigidDiva

My husband and I were out for dinner a few weeks ago and the family in front of us that was being seated had three boys and they all had those terrible rattails. I don’t know if this was an isolated incident or if this is a sign of things to come.

mmebam

… This upsets me greatly.

sugarkane105

OK, WE GET IT. You’re all tatted up, so you must be tough now. Too bad that tat on your neck makes it look like you have a dangly, George Michael earring.

MW

You say well-groomed, I say bum fluff.

guyfromhoboken

He is incapable of making himself look like anything other than a Lillith Fair lesbian or a douchebag…sometimes its both.

He’s groomed and in a fairly decent suit. Is it a trend or a blip? For the moment, I shall recognize that effort was put in for a respectable look.

MilaXX

You know what? I’mma give him this one. This is as close to dressing like an adult as I have ever seen him. even when he used to do RC appearances with Selena Gomez he wore sneakers. Yes he douched it up a little but, baby steps….

kirkyo

Your posts are pretty much an automatic up vote for me.

MilaXX

lol Thanks!

kimmeister

I was happy to see he didn’t have gigantic clown shoes on, for once.

Tiffany Birch

From the tattoos, to the clothes, to the way he’s standing, and with the look on his face, it looks like he’s trying to be David Beckham. But Becks wouldn’t have picked that suit. And Biebs sure can’t fill a suit like Becks.

Bieber wants to be Becks’ pimply, puberty little brother.

colleenjanel

And that is the last time I can peruse TLo’s site while on a conference call. Hard to explain my ululation to the group. LOL

Mothra

How does he manage to try that hard and not get a decent fit?

Zosia

I cannot with that smear of dirt under his nose, didn’t anyone tell him how horrible it looks?

FrigidDiva

As terrible as everything else fits and looks, I find that “facial hair” the most offensive.

jeffreydfoldenauer

I am not so sure about the impeccable grooming…on closer glance he appears to be in preparations for flesh-colored mustache rides.

demidaemon

SO. GROSS.

Jennifer Bober

I can’t get past the look on his face in most of the shots which just screams at me what an arrogant, spoiled little prat he is. If I cover the face I can say the torso looks decent. The arms and legs need to go. I just want to turn him into one of those headless, arm-less torsos they model sweaters and shirts on in a store.

Glam Dixie

In theory, I really like this, HOWEVER, the sleeves need to come down and accordion leg pants are NOT a thing. Hem them please, they are miles too long. I still can’t stand him or his stupid face, the suit is lovely.

Looks good to me! Pants could have been hemmed a tad shorter but a pass…

Tricia Rose

The Puppy Dog Eyebrows are hands down the WORST accessory. It’s akin to duck face for girls. Get yo face togetha.

KinoEye

He is douchetastic in every way, but I’ll grudgingly admit this is working for him. Justin Bieber pinatas should be a thing. I bet it’s full of some lame candy like Dots, though. The kind of candy no one you know really likes, yet they’re inexplicably popular.

demidaemon

It’s probably full of bottles of Swizzle or whatever that horrible concoction all the kids are drinking now is.

downest maven

Kudos to Tom and Lorenzo for using the word “ululate” in a fashion blog. These are not ordinary men. Bow down.

I understand. Maybe we can work out a deal with the French to keep him?

boweryboy

It’s best he’s looked in….ever. I would give him a pass on those horrendous pants if he didn’t bunch up the sleeves on the jacket. That’s just ridiculous but to be fair the pants aren’t falling off his ass, so there’s that. I will not, however, give him a pass on that sorry excuse for a moustache. Nuh uh. Shave that shit off. Just because you can grow it doesn’t mean you should.

Anna

I don’t think he actually can grow it. But he is believing and desperately trying.

boweryboy

He’s a belieber.

demidaemon

Yeah. It’s probably penciled in, like all the drag queens did when they had to dress up like men for that one challenge on RPDR.

schadenfreudelicious

I think i can count the actual hairs from here…ergo…shave it…

downest maven

Kudos to Tom and Lorenzo for using the word “ululate” in a fashion blog. These are not ordinary men… bow down.

What did he do in a past life to deserve all that money for such little talent and negative classlessness?

LadyVimes

Better than usual. *swings*

bluefish

I HATE tatoos — unless we’re taking about Jean Gabin playing a stevedore. Hate them on anyone else. For the rest, I’ll be quiet except to say that this is what happens when the Internet is allowed to give birth.

lunchcoma

I’m going to try to think of something positive to say: At least he’s not wearing diaper pants, and he’s neither urinating on something nor committing a petty crime. That’s as good as I can do. This suit had some potential, but of course he had to douchebag it up.

Daisy Walker

Is he afraid if he doesn’t show the tats ALL. THE. TIME. we’ll forget that he has them?

FibonacciSequins

He wants to get his money’s worth.

Vegas Girl

The one down his neck looks like a really long dangling earring. And that’s all I can see now.

Fordzo a.k.a. Fancy Mukluks

This is the highest we’ve seen the crotch on his pants in YEARS.

ChelseaNH

Right suit, wrong guy.

MK03

Can I just cut to the chase and take a baseball bat to that douchey, carefully practiced “I care so much for the little people” look on his douchey fucking face?

The words “Justin Bieber” and “Dolce & Gabbana” should never appear in the same sentence. It is an offense against nature. (And I don’t even like D&G as a general rule.) I have an absolute blind spot hatred of tattoos, too (sorry, all you BKs who have indulged…please don’t be insulted, I still love each of you) so this is just making every nerve I have hum in agony. Gimme one of those sticks right now!

marlie

See, I think the tux fits terribly. The jacket is too big and the pants are not meant to be slouchy. And he’s a raging douchenozzle.

those shoes are nice & at least he is at the amfAR benefit–credit for that

dash1211

I broke my stick on him. May I have another?

Annmarie Kane

Aiming a big stick at his douchey little face.

Milos Mom

Who let him out the house like this??? For heavens sake, find a better tailor and a team who will tell you that your $5k suit is jacked up. And I am fine with the tats on his arms, but the placement of that tattoo on his neck is just silliness.

Trickytrisha

Did anyone see the pic of him, looking like a miniature hamster, with his arm around Heidi Klum and hand slyly embracing her boob? I say a pinata whacking is a tad too mild to express the contempt I have for this jerk, with his scrunchy pants, silly tats, and never ending stupidity. He and Miley Cyrus should get married and have a baby named Zebra Fluffypants and end up in obscurity in a trailer park in Ohio.

bringbackbeatles

Totally love everything you said, but no child should be subjected to that poser.

alliekat9090

Of course the fit is ridiculous but its a big step up from his Calvin Klein underpants exposed out of the top of his shiny gym shorts. And if if he is giving major doucheface at least he isnt clutching his junk for a change.

Myra Amler

Love the look on the model. Beibs is having serious fit issues. Hate the rolled up sleeves.

IraKi

I love this look for him! It’s douchey-chic. He looks rather smart (which is not a word one usually associates with J.B.).

LeelaST

His life is just one big FU to the world. He’s wearing a gorgeous suit and instead of personalizing it in some way he douchifies it with the waaaaaaaaay too long pants and rolled up sleeves. We get it, you don’t want to conform, you’re a bad boy. HAHAHAHAHA!

Cee Layton

You know, he’s a really handsome young man; that being said, I am sure years from now he will look back on his unusual youth and just say “I was SUCH a jackass.” The ridiculous look on his face in that last pic is enough to cringe til the end of time.

demidaemon

I really, really, really hope you are right. If not, I really worry for the state of our youth.

bringbackbeatles

Those pants are insane. He needs to take them up about two feet and then maybe. The rolled up sleeves showing the tats and the watch are douchey, just as one would expect. I do agree with TLo that this isn’t bad for him, though.

snarkykitten

YOU HAVE MORE MONEY THAN GOD. WHY DO YOUR TATTOOS SUCK

TwiddlyStun

I just searched my page for the word “mustache” to see what y’all had to say and I had ZERO results. C’mon people, do you all need new monitors? You have to poke that mustache with your stick if you want to get to the candy.

demidaemon

That sounds so, so wrong.

Lilah

I just keep seeing Kate McKinnon.

Jacqueline Wessel

He’s a good looking young man. I hope there’s something inside.

FancyPhilly

He will always look to me like Tegan and Sara’s missing triplet. Oh and I hate that he had the pants altered to resemble his diaper pants.

GeoDiva

He doesn’t exist in my universe.

what not

I feel sorry for him, in that I suspect he’s just doing what he’s conditioned to do when a camera turns in his direction. He’s like a dog raised by lousy owners: He now thinks it’s normal to bite everyone and pee on the sofa, and he can’t understand why reasonable people yell at him for it.

Little_Olive

I just… it’s so cute how he’s trying to grow a mustache (and are those some scattered hairs on his chin?). His makeup artist must NOT be pleased.

sk8tfan

are you SURE we can’t deport him?

julnyes

I had no idea he had so many (silly) tattoos and that mustache is laughable, but he could, and has, look worse. The posing with the hands in the collar reminds me of Kate McKinnon’s impersonation of him on Saturday Night Live, so those pics made me laugh out loud.

Putting him in nice clothes is like putting ketchup on filet mignon. Automatically ruins it.

Sofia

The comments are tearing him apart, lol. I like the suit but wish the jacket was an inch shorter. The raised brows are cheesy but he’s just a kid and trying to find himself so I can let that slide given his age. Just have to say his coloring is absolutely beautiful. I can’t wait to see him in 10 years, hope he get’s
taller 🙂

Alyssa

Ululate made my day. Thanks for the stick, I needed to take out some aggression! Even if he looked fine, I have (ir)rational hate for this one.

SuzyQuzey

He is such a dickbag, but CLEARLY thinks of himself as the cat’s ass. Sleeve tats? Are those real, or press-on? What he did to those suit pants is criminal. I won’t even bother to comment on the scrunched-up sleeves. Total. Douche.

Imasewsure

I think he looks great. It’s fun and interesting and there are no high tops or shorts involved. I say attaboy

AnneElliot

His shoes are very nicely shined. . . that’s all I’ve got.

greyhoundgirl

very, very stoned

andi56

The shoes are very nice.

katiessh

I’m so confused, what did he do to those trousers?! He just sucks

venusvelvet

I will be smiling for a week at the thought of the kittens holding sticks in their little upraised paws, and the horde of ululating fawns critically eyeing Biebs’ latest look.

Did someone dump him in a pool in that suit and pushed him on the red carpet? The suit looks wet and shrunken. Great look.

Pepper Collins

Honestly, I only read the Bieber posts to see how much more douche-y he can look. He’s like Robin Thicke’s douch-y little clone. Keep your stick, uncles, hitting him with my heels sounds like more fun.

crash1212

I can’t with the douchey furrowed brow look he sports ALL THE DAMN TIME. I cannot.

Yuju Ti

When will he stop frowning?

unbornfawn

Maybe if it fit properly and he didn’t have the sleeves rolled up. This little dude is insufferable.

Closet Crisis

Gawd. He’s still around? On behalf of Canadians, I apologize. There’s a farm up north somewhere that he needs to go hole up in until he’s 45, or frozen over.

demidaemon

Jesus Fucking Christ. Even admitting that he looks kind of cleaned up, it still looks like a fucking onesie on him. And that is all the reason I need to break him open like a pinata, though I’m afraid of what might emerge.

Man Dala

He looks like a young celebrity lesbian who has just come out to the world. I’m thinking of a recent photo of Ellen Page and the words “Who Wore It Better?” under them. And what’s with the makeup / bronzer / fake tan?

Therese Bohn

Funny, from your promo pic I only saw him from the shoulders up and thought “He cleans up nice, looks almost respectable!”
Then I scrolled down here. Ugh.
Dear boy, you’ve taken a beautiful suit and turned what could have been a sophisticated stunning moment into a “Hey look how cool I am!” farce. Pushing up the sleeves to showcase your tats just returns us to the idiocy. And why were the pants shrink-wrapped to your legs? Should have followed the model’s example. Please shave the peach-fuzz too.

Yeah, he’s douched it up and all, but he does look better than usual, and dare I say if he really tailored this correctly, it would be a WERQ. Now I will go into hiding.

Terri Terri

He’s got to quit doing that eyebrow squintch. But that’s the least of his problems.

smayper

If you broke that open, all the douchebaggery would come pouring out.

rebeemoon

I heard he’s going to be on Dancing with the Stars.

Hilda Elizabeth Westervelt

Ugh…tool. He looks like a Shar-pei in that suit.

ThaliaMenninger

Douche Pinata is a whole new thing for children’s parties.

israel8491

The velvet lapels do NOT work for him. I’m not sure who can pull off velvet lapels, actually. The pants are a disgrace. Look at those wrinkles. Look at the terrible fit. No excuse. None. These are not jeans, these are tuxedo pants and are probably worth more than most people make in a week. The sleeves rolled up look awful. We do not need to see all your tattoos, hon.
If we’re judging him by Lohan Standards (which may be warranted considering the year he’s had) then he looks fantastic.

Frankie Carter

All I think is “modern-day Teddy Boy” when I see him. He’s such a little guttersnipe. Ugh

deech_sea

I hate myself for clicking on this post and thereby acknowledging that he’s relevant.

fananafanafophalec

SHAAAAAAAVE

AlexandraF

Someone should tell him he is a national joke. Someone should also tell him that stupid thing he does with his eyebrows makes him look even more “douchy” if thats possible. Then someone should tell Jayden Smith that constantly copying that stupid thing with HIS eyebrows makes him even a step lower on the DB scale than Beebs. UGH.

Karen

ugh, everything about this dumb kid makes me feel queesy.

Audrey

That outfit sure makes him look hippy.

Gwendolyn McGahey

Not a fan of the kid’s all around douchey-ness, but this is a good look.

jjfg

OMG. Was just looking at Joe Sausage, and then I click on THIS? If I hit the back button, will these images be erased from my mind?

hellkell

That sad attempt at a mustache has got to go.

Juliette Wojciechowski

I do think tat sleeves are usually eye-rollingly stupid, but I could at least understand if he had a theme going on. It appears the only theme is “gimme one of everything”. Am I missing something here? On his right arm I see a cartoon fish, a dead star (drooling a diamond?), Mickey Mouse hands, a sadistic harlequin . . . WTH?

Janet B

They remind me a of a collage I did one summer of my favorite things, when I was a teen, I threw it out when most weren’t interesting to me any longer, maybe a couple of months?

Vaniljekjeks

I can’t. His “moustache” is giving me the creeps, he’s a wrinkled mess… and I try not to judge people by their tattoos, but it looks like he has what a little boy would get if he had the money. I am a firm believer that one should wait until their late twenties to tattoo anything openly visible.

Bottom line… douche.

Janet B

My family had a long car trip this weekend; the last music we listened to was “early” Bieber, back when he had a cute voice and was singing to middle school girls. I never thought I’d miss that boy.
He looks pretty good here, except for the silly posturing.

conniemd

Usher really has a lot to answer for.

AthenaJ

Justin, because I have a small amount of pity for all former child stars, I’m gonna give you a little advice here: You have become inundated with such high levels of douchebaggery that I’m afraid at this point it is almost irreversible. What you need to do now is a complete douche detox – leave LA and take all your money and start a charity. Maybe move back to Canada and start a haven for rescued animals, or go to a third world country and build hospitals and water sanitation plants. Go back to school and get a damn education because ignorance begets doucheyness. Get some culture and build an actual personality for yourself. Then in maybe 10 years, if you actually do have talent, try releasing some new songs (that don’t suck). Write a tell-all book about how much you screwed up and your long road to redemption. Then perhaps, finally, you will have purged your douchey demons and will be safe to release back into society.

LambeeBaby

He should be neutered before being released.

Beto

I don’t know. I don’t like him DRESSED but this time he made quite the effort and kinda suits him. Sort of. But please two or three suggestions: SHAVE those spares hairs of what you call a “moustache”. Does not work. Two) Do NEVER push up the sleeves of your blazer, if you want to show your tats go the beach, gym or ride a horse sans-shirt.

EEKstl

Dabbling in Douchebaggery no matter what he wears.

Ashleigh

idiot

Ashleigh

I am so surprised by your critique. I think it look awful top to bottom – and not because I think he’s an idiot. The pants all scrunched up? gross. The sleeve? Stupid show off. The general fit (like you say, trick) of the middle? silly looking.

PinkyK

The tats are HORRIBLE!! Why hasn’t he been deported yet?

Akemi

The thing with the faux-confused furrowed brow/raised eyebrow look that all these young kids are doing makes me want to sock them in the face.

Okay, maybe it’s just Justin. But Will Smith’s kid does it too, and it is just…annoying.

Columbinia

Fine. I just want him to stop doing that thing with his eyebrows that gives him that stupid faux innocent “who, me???” look.