Ever wanted to be in charge? Well, in my own little world I will be, one day. Just not quite yet. I'm a bit tired at the moment... maybe I'll take over after I've had my little nap.
The United Dingdom - stating the bleeding obvious so you don't have to.
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Wednesday, 31 August 2016

The Wondrous Social Engine

They assembled in a respectful hush before the monolith,
draped in a shroud the dimensions of which defied the imagination. Up into the
heavens the folds of concealing cloth towered, its loftiest heights
disappearing into thin wisps of cloud. Clad in the armour of antiquity the
steampunk shadow cabinet gathered to await the unveiling and Archibald P. McDonnell
unstrapped his elastic-driven calculating engine to take the weight off his
shoulders. It settled with a slight creak and sat there, smoking slightly, resembling
an early accordion except one possessing of a bulbous screen and several
antennae, there to harness the power of the ether.

“I hear” said a voice from the assembly, far too loud in
the awed silence, then again, more measured, “I hear the machine will provide a
universal service network, with high speed information delivery to even the
remotest community.” The crowd murmured appreciative assent. “Better even than
the miraculous telegraph?” asked another. “Better even, they say, than the
telegraph, the delivery ponies and the carrier pigeon force combined.” A wag
replied “And less shit all round!” A titter spread through the throng, as the
anticipation built.

A new character joined them. The burly, leather corseted
frame caused the crowd to part, dividing like parted waves as it strode,
lumbered, to the front of the vast pedestal. With shiny gauntlet-clad hands it
thrust its welding goggles to rest on a vast forehead crowned by a mighty
helmet which, on closer inspection, turned out to be sculpted and
black-lacquered hair. Sweat beads rolled down that mighty brow and pooled in a
jowl crease as Diane Bathsheba Hortensia Abbott gradually wobbled to a halt, the
ripples eventually subsiding and coming under the control of the network of scaffolding
and corsetry that contained her bulk. “Open knowledge Libwawy!” She gasped for
breath. “Platform Co-operwatives.”

A cheer went up, but more from fear than understanding. O brave new world, that has such people in ’t?
More disturbance at the back heralded the arrival of increasingly outlandish
figures garbed in costumes both exciting yet strangely antique. As each
arrived, they intoned ever stranger incantations: Digital Citizen Passport!
Programming for Everyone! A People’s Charter of Digital Liberty Rights! Each
nebulous concept was greeted with awed gasps and small rounds of excited
applause. But how was any of this possible?

Suddenly, on the dais, in front of the drapes the curious
yet commanding figure of Jeremiah Isaiah Ishmael Leopold Corbyn IVth
raised his hands and spoke through a large brass sounding horn “Massive Multi-person Online Deliberation!” he cried and with that he pulled a wooden lever
to his side. Cogs creaked, a hiss of steam vented and ropes strained as acres
of cloth fell away to reveal a fearsome machine, towering above them. “Behold,
Deep Throat!” A cough, a whisper... ‘thought’.
Jeremiah rephrased, “Behold, Deep Thought!”

“But what does it do?” cried the crowd. Corbyn flipped
down a large brass monocle which was fitted to his stovepipe hat and declared,
“Everything! It will solve the world’s problems and bring peace and equality to
all!” The crowd were impressed. “But how does it work?” they asked. “It is
powered by the collected hopes and dreams of humanity” said Corbyn. “This
miracle of steam power and new-age cog-based engineering will deliver our
digital democracy manifesto, bringing power to the people!”

Behold, the mighty Labour machine!

“But who will control the machine?” asked a small voice
in the crowd. “The people will always be in charge,” said Corbyn, at which
point a great rattling was heard and the whine of whirring wheels increased its
pitch and volume. The machine rose off its haunches and a great maw opened up
below gigantic eyes which glowed red. All the dials flashed, the mouth opened
wide and a deafening roar, like the laughter of the devil himself, boomed out.
The fearsome engine strode through the crowd, scattering bodies left and right, then gasped and puffed
and clunked off into the distance.