I saw an obnoxious bumper sticker today. I didn’t have my camera, and I couldn’t find the right image online, so I just redid it on my computer. It looked pretty much like this:

Now, my first guess as to its meaning is “marriage is for one man and one woman” – and in fact, phrases similar to that spew forth from the mouths of religious bigots all the time. But maybe I’m misrepresenting what this sticker means – after all, the graphic doesn’t exactly say that, and there are other interpretations. For example:

1. “Marriage = same-sex restrooms”: Well, I guess that’s true – it would be rare for a man and a woman who marry to designate one restroom for each of them. Or perhaps the idea is that marriage will lead to same-sex restrooms: I’m old enough to remember when the proposed Equal Rights Amendment was supposed to lead us all to various hells, including that one. Anyway, same-sex restrooms certainly would’ve given Larry Craig an easier time defending himself…against some charges, anyway.

2. “Marriage is for white people”: This is offensive and racist. I don’t think marriage should be reserved only for featureless, geometrically simple white people. The more complexly shaped humans, of whatever color, should have an equal right to be misrepresented by simplistic bumper stickers.

3. “Marriage means one of you has to wear a dress”: It’s a bit old-fashioned, this insistence that one of the two people getting married must wear a dress – none of these newfangled casual weddings, nude weddings, or weddings in which the couple dress up as members of the Green Bay Packers – but it’s rather sweet in its way. And look – I know dresses have gendered connotations…but come on, can’t we get past those stereotypes and accept that some men might want to get married in a beautiful white dress? I say yes, we should.

4. “I am a hateful bastard sticking my bigoted, puritanical nose into other people’s business to deflect attention from my own pathetic life.”

I saw an obnoxious bumper sticker today. I didn’t have my camera, and I couldn’t find the right image online, so I just redid it on my computer. It looked pretty much like this:

Now, my first guess as to its meaning is “marriage is for one man and one woman” – and in fact, phrases similar to that spew forth from the mouths of religious bigots all the time. But maybe I’m misrepresenting what this sticker means – after all, the graphic doesn’t exactly say that, and there are other interpretations. For example:

1. “Marriage = same-sex restrooms”: Well, I guess that’s true – it would be rare for a man and a woman who marry to designate one restroom for each of them. Or perhaps the idea is that marriage will lead to same-sex restrooms: I’m old enough to remember when the proposed Equal Rights Amendment was supposed to lead us all to various hells, including that one. Anyway, same-sex restrooms certainly would’ve given Larry Craig an easier time defending himself…against some charges, anyway.

2. “Marriage is for white people”: This is offensive and racist. I don’t think marriage should be reserved only for featureless, geometrically simple white people. The more complexly shaped humans, of whatever color, should have an equal right to be misrepresented by simplistic bumper stickers.

3. “Marriage means one of you has to wear a dress”: It’s a bit old-fashioned, this insistence that one of the two people getting married must wear a dress – none of these newfangled casual weddings, nude weddings, or weddings in which the couple dress up as members of the Green Bay Packers – but it’s rather sweet in its way. And look – I know dresses have gendered connotations…but come on, can’t we get past those stereotypes and accept that some men might want to get married in a beautiful white dress? I say yes, we should.

4. “I am a hateful bastard sticking my bigoted, puritanical nose into other people’s business to deflect attention from my own pathetic life.”

I’ve contemplated having several small black and white stickers printed up that match the general scale of these… I figure a multiplication symbol, a division sign, a small dog icon, and maybe a small screw graphic might be sufficient.