ta-da!

yes, you can polish a turd

The Republican Party, the party of Trump and McConnell, Brett Kavanaugh, ad infinitum, is in desperate need of a facelift — logo and all. A rebranding is long overdue. Think about it. They’ve gone to great lengths to distance themselves from their past, to demonstrate their total disregard for the traditions and principles and integrity their party was built on.

These days, no one can honestly say the Republicans are the party of law and order, preferring, as they do, to vilify both the Justice Department and the FBI. They’re certainly not the party of fiscal responsibility, since they’re presiding over a whopping 50% increase in the deficit. Nor are they the party of free trade thanks to their undying support and blind approval of ‘Tariff Man.’ The Republicans are simply a party of name-callers and conspiracy theorists who cling to an outraged victimhood.

So let’s put on the old thinking cap and get to work replacing the tired old elephant logo with something fresh and contemporary, something that aligns with the GOP’s new agenda. You know, the anti-science, anti-environment, anti-everything, pro-corruption policies they so enthusiastically advocate.

As a former copywriter, brand management is right up my alley, so I’m happy to put a truer face on the Grand Old Party. Herewith, my suggestions for a compelling new look:

See? Brighter and shinier, no?

The thing is, Sideshow Don won’t shut up and the GOP won’t speak up. Sideshow busily threatens critics with violence (from his Bikers for Trump supporters), makes absurd claims of genius (while unable to close an umbrella), can’t remember names (Tim Apple) or where he is (wandering away from a photo op at the G20 summit in Buenos Aires), tweets nonsense (covfefe, et al), and makes up nonexistent countries (Nambia).

The GOP, meanwhile, stonewalls and obfuscates like crazy to protect this dangerous and delusional menace to society. Lindsey Graham, GOP senator and sycophant extraordinaire, angrily blocked a Senate vote on releasing the Mueller report to the public, demanding Hillary Clinton’s emails be investigated instead — for the umpteenth time. Rush Limbaugh, staunch conservative and former drug addict, claims the New Zealand massacre was a leftist plot. And Mike Pence is hiding somewhere.

However, they’ve all pretty successfully destroyed America’s credibility. And not just domestically, but on a worldwide scale. Look at the Boeing debacle if you don’t believe me. After the second Boeing Max 8 crashed in Ethiopia, no country in the world believed the U.S. would conduct an impartial investigation. And why should they? The number of lobbyists employed by Trump has quintupled over two years. A former coal lobbyist runs the EPA; a formal oil-industry executive is acting secretary of the Interior; a former pharmaceutical exec is secretary of Health and Human Services. In the first five months of this administration, nearly 70% of top nominees had corporate ties, including Boeing. The black boxes from Ethiopian Airlines were sent to France.

You know who I consider the voice of reason in these discouraging times? The Simpsons. They’re an island of sanity amid all this craziness, their world is orderly and makes sense. Apu of Kwik-E-Mart fame, in fact, has the perfect response to Sideshow Don and his sleazy cronies , ‘I can’t believe you don’t shut up.’

5 thoughts on “yes, you can polish a turd”

Dammit! I should’ve thought of that. But that’s what listening to endless blustering insanity has done to my mind. Noise is used as a psychological weapon, you know, and as soon as I hear Sideshow or one of his water carriers more brain cells die. Help, I’m down to my last 7 🤯

I try not to watch the news for fear I’ll have a stroke. If I’m unfortunate enough to stumble across a news story on Sideshow Don I just keep repeating ‘drop dead–drop dead–drop dead–drop dead’ until it’s over. That helps.