Tag Archives: life

I love reality TV shows. I used to try to say otherwise, but the truth is – I like them. I can pick a participant apart with the best of them. I wouldn’t say I physically critique them or pick their looks apart – it’s more of a personality critique like, “She’s annoying, a whiner, irritating, manipulative, back-stabbing”…I tend to be very blunt with my criticism. I’m also callous and mean. Yes, I’m a “mean girl” and it wasn’t until I sat down to talk with my Savior this morning, that I fully had to admit it.

While reading through Proverbs 9 and finding bits of wisdom to journal and chat with the Lord about, I was struck and was prompted to post a scripture from yesterday’s quiet time on my Facebook. “Odd?”, I thought. “Why in the world do I need to do that?” I audibly asked myself. And for the next 10 minutes, I wrestled with the scripture I KNEW I was being led to post. It should be such a simple thing to do…just type out the words and update my Facebook status. But, the more I read the words within the scripture, the more I was struck deep within my heart that they were a complete contradiction to the rant I had posted about a reality show participant just THE NIGHT BEFORE. How in the world could a verse that I KNEW God had laid on my heart, follow such trash talk? And what is that saying about the inconsistency of my character and the woman that I am?

This took me deeper into thought….and I found myself actually petitioning the Lord to “understand” that I really didn’t want to post something that could possibly “offend” people or cause them to stand in judgement against me. It was at that very moment in thought, it became as clear what God was doing. I was left with two distinct realizations:
1. I am not ashamed of the relationship I have with God – I don’t push Him on people – I share Him with anyone I can.
2. I’m sending mixed messages through my words within social media about the integrity of my character – and I need to fix that.
I knew immediately I needed to set the record straight.

It was clear that God was asking me to put myself out there and be bold – I needed to recognize and see the faults within myself. For a moment, I contemplated choosing to fly below the radar and stay quiet. I KNOW that I was being led to be bold and see how far I would go for my Savior when He asks me (even if it was just a silly Facebook post). It was a humbling question I knew I needed to ask myself…”Why is it so simple to spout off and boast my opinions about a reality TV show participant but find myself cowering when it comes to sharing Scripture that could potentially offend someone? I knew the answer and I needed to face it head on.

There’s no question about it – this girl on TV annoyed me – but that doesn’t make her any less a child of God. Sure, she’s sobbing on a TV show…that doesn’t mean that God loves her any differently than He loves me. In fact, according to the Bible, I’m called to share the love of Christ with people just like her – yet there I was, being mean & gossiping openly about my dislike for her!

I’m here to set the record straight…not to say I’m anything spectacular for “outing” myself – quite the contrary in fact. I’m a girl who stumbled and fell flat on my face with humility this morning and I needed to seek the forgiveness first from my Lord and also from those whom I’ve demonstrated this inconsistency to. I’m a work in progress – and I’m working overtime to walk through a character refining process with grace and integrity. Last night, I bombed big time – today, I’m assured that through the saving Grace of Jesus – I’m forgiven.

‎”….blessed are those who keep my ways. Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the LORD. But whoever fails to find me harms himself; all which hate me love death.” – Proverbs 8:32-36

Like this:

Keeping the past in the past is something I deal with on a daily basis. Oh sure I can be “over” something and fully believe I’m “over” it…but in a split second – a scent, a word, a song, a phrase, even a ringtone throws me into a scene from the past I swore I wasn’t heading back to – and yet, I’m there. And I’m CERTAIN I’m not the only one…..

It’s almost comical that I’ve been sooooo focused on keeping the past in the past – I’m beginning to see that isn’t such a great idea. Here’s why; I believe that every single detail of our lives (yours and mine) were planned before our Moms Dads knew we were on the way! Our PAST, our PRESENT and our FUTURE moments!

Here’s what I mean…..When I was born and named, God had plans that were specific for me. When I entered elementary school, I was being shaped and molded into the person I was becoming. As I walked the halls of Dartmouth Middle school, I was being transformed into the person who would begin to make her own life altering choices. Stepping foot onto the campus of Branham High school, I made decisions that were monumental in the formation of who I am and what I’m becoming….my testimony – the story of my life was taking shape.

Professions, decisions, marriage, having twins, re-dedicating my life to following Jesus, becoming a better wife, getting involved in church ministry, dedication to being the BEST Mom I can possibly be, choosing friends, more decisions, making memories, overcoming GIANT obstacles, facing past hurts and shame, having a daughter, growing closer still to God, being a Godly example to my kids, moving to Nebraska on 240 acres of cattle land with 3.5 kids and a dog in the middle of nowhere, the birth of my son, the death of my Dad, moving “home” to Oregon, immersed in being a wife & Mom, more decisions, success in business, continued reliance on God, a divorce, heartache, defeat, losing friends, self-indulgence, new-found appreciation in my Mom, loss, stepping away from pride, unconditional love, grieving, encouraging my kids, more decisions, new friends, finding who I am again, surrender, celebrating my children’s successes, overcoming obstacles, being on my own, the death of my Papa, more surrender, on my knees asking for guidance, COMPLETE surrender, blessings abound, forgiving myself, a new beginning, true love, dreams becoming reality, hope restored, fresh starts,….ALL OF THAT is in the past….which leads me to the present….which forms my future!

I share that with you because it’s opened my eyes to see that without our pasts, we wouldn’t be the people we are today!! I can’t dwell on the areas that I’ve failed – I need to use those as reminders. I can’t re-live old success – I can appreciate the accomplishment. I’m just going to count it ALL JOY that we can SPRING FORWARD through each moment of our lives – the PAST, the PRESENT and the FUTURE….