I have been very happy with my XD45 sold by Springfield Armory. I don't know if you and/or your wife have any experience with large handguns, but the firearm is fairly simple to operate. Safe use/ownership would involve some regular practice, IMO.

My go-to is a pump shotgun, but some people aren't comfortable or competent with them.

I want a good handgun that the wife can use. I wantt it to have good stopping power. Would happen prefer an automatic. Any ideas?

If you mean 'use' as in take it out of the box, load the magazine, insert the magazine, work the action to put a round in the chamber, point it and fire it, good luck. Many women lack the upper body strength to comfortably operate the action on most auto-loaders. If it isn't comfortable, she won't practice.

If you are going to do all the prep work every single time you can go with anything she'll shoot more than once, which brings us to the stopping power question. Unless your wife is Conan the Librarian anything with adequate stopping power is either going to be too heavy or too brutal for her to practice with. If it isn't comfortable, she won't practice.

What would I recommend? Something light that depends more on shot placement than it does making major league holes. If she is the least bit recoil sensitive it's the only way you will ever get her to practice. If it isn't comfortable, she won't practice.

In the long run type of ammo, brand or type of gun, or caliber of the weapon don't matter. All that matters is that your wife wins the contest if she gets in that situation. Get her something she's comfortable with so she won't dread practicing with it. In other words, don't ask us, ask your wife.

i have to agree to some degree with the last post. how much experiance does she have in shooting guns in general, and handguns in particular? just buying a handgun for her, and saying here ya go, well that's just not going to work out well. she needs some training and then select a pistol that fits her hand well and then lots of practice with it. if it doesn't fit her hand well, she will not be able to hit accurately with it. revolvers are also a good option.