Five things you didn’t know about Kim Jong-un

One Kim to rule them all

Kim Jong-un once had nine music group performers executed because they had dirt on his wifeâ€™s promiscuous lifestyle

In case you’re one of those people constantly whining about living in India, here’s how ridiculous the world can be. Along with a host of things that are banned in North Korea – televisions that receive anything other than government broadcasts, Bibles – North Koreans are now banned from having the name Jong-un. Those who already have, must get it changed.

Anyone thinking of rebelling should remember the time when the young dictator had his uncle and mentor, Jang Song-thaek executed by a firing squad for allegedly plotting a military coup.

Here are a few other things you may not have known about North Korea’s Dear Leader:

He has

The Sony hack on November publicly exposed reams of unreleased film, personal emails between executive, even details of top filmstars’ salaries. A group called #GOP (Guardians of Peace) claimed ownership of the virtual attack that had Sony employees working on whiteboards, but news reports this morning claim that the long arm behind the hack extends all the way to Kim’s ivory tower in North Korea. Why? Because of The Interview – a movie starring Seth Rogen and James Franco that depicts the fictional assassination of the Dear Leader. The production house has cancelled the official release of the film. But someone should have warned Kim that the only people more determined than his army of hackers are the merry tribe of movie pirates who will ensure the film reaches more eyeballs than Sony could have ever hoped for. Even lil’ Kim can’t control the Internet. Yet.

He’s scared of barbers

Apparently Kim Jong-un has a crippling fear of barbers stemming from a harrowing childhood experience, which is why North Korea’s Dear Leader cuts his own hair in his Presidential suite. His DIY haircut was a cult classic with his countrymen making a beeline to salons to copy his trademark coiffure – of course that may also be because the North Korean leader told his people that they’re only allowed to have one of these 28 haircut variations.

He’s a Jordan fanboy

He may threaten the United States every now and then, but – as reported by The Washington Post in 2009 – the North Korean is a huge basketball fan and an even bigger Michael Jordan fan. In fact, his school friends recall him spending an unhealthy amount of time sketching the Chicago Bulls superstar.

He’s into BDSM

The baby-faced leader attended boarding school in Switzerland’s German-speaking Liebefeld-Steinhölzli School (let’s just skip past the obvious German-dictator joke there). It is believed that on one occasion, a teacher found a bondage porn magazine in his bag while checking students’ bags before an exam.

His birthday is a national holiday

Because he’s da man.

Bonus: His haircut is inspired from the Minions

Everyboy loves the Minions from Despicable Me. Even dictators who plot world domination.