IT turns out that the way to seduce Ashley Cole is not offer him a deal for a lucrative marriage nor write ‘puke here‘ on your face but to compliment his feet.

Roxanne Jeffers says she pulled the Chelsea FC defender by sayiong she liked his feet. Cole had posted a picture of his feet on the web. The Daily Mailreports: “The model got in touch with Ashley when she commented on how ‘cute’ his feet were after he posted a snap of them on Instagram. The Chelsea and England defender was so flattered he invited the 24-year-old beauty to the £3.5million home he once shared with Cheryl.”

That’s how much Ashley likes his feet.

Roxanne adds: “I can totally see why Cheryl fell for him.”

She fell to get closer to those feet. To die for. Swoon.

She adds: “When we were together he made me feel really special. He acted like a boyfriend in every way – wanting to cuddle up on the sofa and watch movies, wrapping his legs around me.”

Acted like a boyfriend in every way, like not putting the loo seat down, wazzing in the sink, cheating on you with a hairdresser, picking his nose in bed…? Like you, of course, we recall the words of a source giving us an insight into Cole’s love affair with his now former wife Cheryl: “Ash gets her midnight snacks of toast. When she wants tea, Ash jumps up to make it. She likes smoking in the bath, so he’ll bring her an ashtray. [Ashley] does her ironing”.

Ashley is a mensch. When he’s not frotting the ironing board, allegedly, he’s a real gent.

Roxanne adds: “The house is amazing – full of ­chandeliers with a swimming pool and a lake. [He has lakr in the house? Not a leak in the upstairs toilet. A lake. A f***ing lake, most likely made of vomit. But an indoor lake in Surrey is an indoor lake in Surrey. Impressive. ] He showed me around and told me he was building a golf course in the back and a second indoor swimming pool. He didn’t brag about money but he said he wanted to keep going until he was a billionaire.”

Ash then ordered a “minder” to buy 10 bottles of rosé wine and a Domino’s pizza, the consumption of which would induce the, alleged, required amount to spew to turn Ashley on. She ads: “He liked everything to be very ordered. He had four showers a day.”

You see. He can’t get clean in that lake. Vomit. It’s a lake of vomit.

Go on, Roxy: “He didn’t go out much but one night he messaged me from a club and said he wished he was home because all these women were trying it on with him, and he knew it was because of who he was, and not his personality. It was all a bit sad really.

Yeah, really. Ashley stumbled into one of the three billion women who’d rather spend a night talking to his wallet than his face.

Roxanne then tells the Mirror: “He’s such a good listener. I told him about my kids and he told me about his family – and he didn’t go on about his wealth. He said he used to go on caravan holidays to Clacton when he was about eight and he’d take part in some sort of football competition with other local kids. He won it and the prize was another caravan holiday. So every year he’d go back there, win the same competition and it would pay for the next trip. I think that’s what got him so interested in the game.”

Makes you wonder what gets kids into the game nowadays and coerces middle-aged men to buy replica Chelsea shirts. Perhaps it’s the chance to meet a mum-0of-two who strips off on the more remote channels of cable telly..?