Even before Goldilocks made saucy remarks about her purloined porridge, people have been offering unflattering commentary on the victuals proffered, from Mark Twain ("The food would create an insurrection in a poorhouse") to Fred Allen ("The coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve") and Ruth Reichl ("Is there anyone on earth who really wants to eat grapefruit-mustard sorbet?"). This delightfully rude little compendium gathers 600 such unsavory assessments, describing pretentious cuisine, lousy waiters, awkward dinner parties, bizarre foreign food, unloved vegetables, less-than-fresh fish, and failed desserts.