Hi everyone, I would appreciate some advice as this topic has bothered me for some while now. I live in a council house with my father. My mother recently passed. My boyfriend has his own flat. My boyfriend thinks it’s a good idea if I do a transfer closer to him and my boyfriend can then move in with me but my father wishes to stay in the house he has lived in most of his life. My boyfriend feels my dad shouldn’t have a say has he is elderly and lived his life. My boyfriend also doesn’t want to live in the house we currently live in as he doesn’t like the area. This has really affected my mental health with worry. I would really appreciate any advice. I feel my boyfriend is being unreasonable. Am I right?

Do you like living with your dad? Would he be able to live independently, or are you planning to stay with him to provide care/companionship until he passes? I gotta say, reading this, my first thought is that your boyfriend sounds like a dick. Your dad doesn’t get a say in where he lives out his final years? Come on. Unless your dad has dementia or is infirm enough to need round-the-clock supervision and nursing care, only a dick would say something like that.

OK, wait, am I understanding this right? Your father lives in a council house, which I understand to be some form of public housing and, since he’s lived there for his whole life, I assume he’s the one receiving the benefit. You live there with him. Your BF has to pay for his own flat somewhere else, so he wants your dad to try to transfer to a council house near where he lives so that he can move in with you and your dad and, presumably, live for free or at a reduced rate? And, he doesn’t GAF about what your dad — the recipient of the benefit he wants to exploit — wants? Girl, dump this asshole yesterday. He’s an asshole and he’s using you (or, I guess your dad, really). Gross.

Hi everyone Thank you for your reply’s. This is the thing, I feel he is really benefiting from this and he doesn’t see it from my view. Not only does he have the chance to sell his place and have money in the bank, he also gets to live at a place for a reduce rate. Seems now he wants to pick and choose where HE wants to go. He doesn’t want to live with us in the area we already live in, he wants a place near him. He says he will be “better for me and my dad”. He keeps saying I need to think about me and what I want and not try to make my dad happy. My boyfriend just doesn’t see it from my point of view and tells me I will never be happy if I don’t do what I want to do but I actually don’t know what I want to do. I am still grieving the loss of my mum and I don’t want to create conflict with my dad. Seems like a fool I am trying to make my boyfriend happy and give him what he wants when he isn’t thinking about what a difficult situation he has put me in

Luckily my dad and I get on well and although it’s not ideal it could be worse. My dad has no care needs. He is 72 years of age. Just seems I am trying to make accommodate my boyfriend when he isn’t willing to see my point of view

If you boyfriend cared what you wanted, he would listen to and believe you. His telling you to do what you want is really pushing for what he wants, he does not care about what is best for you or about your father at all.

Yes my dad does receive the benefit since he is retired and I pay part of the rent too. My boyfriend just sees this as the Only option of his moving forward. He doesn’t want to buy a place together, he doesn’t want me to move in with him even though he has a two bedroom flat and he doesn’t want to live with me and my father in the area i have lived in my whole life as he says he things it’s grimy and not as nice where he lives. I’m so unhappy he doesn’t provide any more options and he blames me that this relationship isn’t moving forward because I won’t do a transfer to where he wants us to go. The areas he suggests are nice but it’s not fair on my father to just move him somewhere he doesn’t want to go