An ongoing journey through substance abuse and eating disorders.

Month: December 2015

I’ll admit it. I’m a bit thin. Well, maybe more than a bit. And I’d love to be thinner. Anyway, I was waiting for the elevator today when one of my co-workers commented on how I was getting thinner. He asked if I was dieting or exercising or something like that. I tried to demure, […]

(Hazelden Day 3 of 32) I had an appointment with my psychiatrist this morning. I brought him up to speed on my first couple of evenings in rehab and told him that I thought the Pristiq was starting to kick in and improve my mood. Then we began talking about food. He is an expert […]

(Hazelden Day 2 of 32) I was a little anxious going into rehab yesterday. Once it began, though, I fit right in and realized I was, in no uncertain terms, an addict. The first half of the session was a large group meeting where he went over a modified version of cognitive behavioral therapy, with […]

I’m tired. It’s only 4pm and I have my first session at Hazelden (of 32 total sessions) and I’m going to be here until 9pm. Oh well. I suppose it’s a small price to pay. And I’m not exactly surprised to be tired, since I’ve been running out of steam these days between 2pm and […]

I told my roommate about my decision. She pointed out that I have certain responsibilities (kids, dog), as if I hadn’t thought about that. I have wrestled with this for a long time. My kids are the only reason I’m alive at this point anyway… and even the thought of them didn’t stop me from making […]

I was just lying in bed, in indescribable mental anguish, giving serious consideration to swallowing a bunch of pills and just ending everything now. It was awful. Then, something… shifted… slipped… I’m not sure. All I know is that I no longer doubt whether or not I’ll be able to starve myself to death. And […]

I haven’t pooped in two weeks. I know I haven’t been eating much, but, c’mon… two weeks? Really? I took some laxatives yesterday, but nothing has happened yet. I’ll take some more here in just a minute. I’m not uncomfortable or anything because, again, there’s just not that much in there to begin with, but […]