wikiHow is a “wiki,” similar to Wikipedia, which means that many of our articles are co-written by multiple authors. To create this article, 39 people, some anonymous, worked to edit and improve it over time. Together, they cited 8 references. This article has also been viewed 199,305 times.
Learn more...

Finding that pick up lines are getting you nowhere? Not sure how to start a conversation with that woman you see at the supermarket every week? No matter your problem, wikiHow can help you not only start a conversation with a woman but also make it a roaring success. Just see Step one below to get started.

Steps

Part 1

Setting Up For Success

1

Practice talking to strangers. There is no great mystery to talking to women. Women are just people and the most comfortable way for you to talk to them, as well as the way that makes them the most receptive, is for you to talk to them the same way you'd talk to anyone else. By just practicing and learning to talk to strangers in general, you'll build up pretty much all of the skills that you need to approach and talk to women successfully. The more you talk to random strangers, the less anxiety you will experience and soon you will realize "Hey, it's not a big deal!"

A lot of guys (and even some women) will make it out that you need to use particular phrases, tricks, or manipulative behaviors in order to talk to and get women, but what they're prescribing only gets the attention of weird women that you don't want to deal with anyway.

2

Put some work into how you look and smell. You don't have to be or make yourself 'traditionally attractive'. The thing is, when you wear clothes that look bad on you when you don't shower or wear deodorant, when you don't take care of your body, you communicate to other people (women especially!) that you don't think you're worth taking care of or putting effort into. If you don't think you're worth loving, then why should she, you know?[1]

Smell is especially important. A guy that smells off can quickly take on a creeper vibe. Wear good deodorant, clean clothes, and a very mild cologne or body spray.

3

Observe the woman before you approach her. If you want to increase your chances of talking to her successfully, it's a good idea to watch her for a little while and use some careful analysis to figure out how you should and shouldn't talk to her. See what you can figure out about her by looking at her.

Is she wearing a particularly nice item or one that looks handmade? It might make a good source for a compliment. Is she dressed very conservatively? She may be trying to reduce the chances of a guy flirting with her, so be more subtle in your approach.

Once she notices you looking, you’re either going to be “confident” or “creepy,” so be confident and approach her or find a way to buy yourself time without building your creep factor.[2] If she sees you but you're not ready to go over, give her a smile (maybe a wink), and look away bashfully. She'll know you think she's cute, but she won't think you're weird.

4

Carefully choose your setting. Certain situations just won't be conducive to getting a woman interested in you (serious settings, like business meetings). Others will get you treated as a creeper by default (public transport). Go for areas which are in public and as open as possible. If a lady is too busy feeling cornered and trapped, she's just not going to be open to how charming you really are.[3]

5

Approach without a wing man. Few things shout, "I pick up any woman I can" quite like a wing man. If a woman feels like you're just taking any fish that will bite, she won't be interested because she won't feel special. Go in alone. This act of bravery shows that you are interested enough in her specifically to tough it out.

Don't be intimidated by a woman that's out with her friends. Being nice and chatty with her friends but clearly interested in her will be flattering. You want to date a woman with good friends, and good friends will always want to see their friend get with a nice guy.

Part 2

Finding Excuses to Talk

1

Talk about something that's happening. Probably the most natural way to start a conversation with a woman is to comment on something that's happening around you. See someone do something nice for someone else? "Man, you don't see enough of that these days." Someone out on the dance floor making a fool of himself? "See, that's exactly why I'm not out there dancing." Be friendly and be casual. It's as simple as that.

2

Ask her a question. Another good way to break into a conversation with a woman is to ask her a question. Avoid the cliché "Do you know what time it is?" because they'll know what you're really after and it makes you seem sleazy. Again, approach it just like starting a conversation with anyone else.

If you're at a restaurant: "I just can't decide what to eat tonight so I'm leaving it up to fate: what do you recommend for dinner?"

If you're out where there's music: "Do you know what song this is? I don't normally listen to this kind of music, but I really like this song."

If you're at school: "Do you know where the ______ building is?"

3

Compliment her...but not on what she expects. If she's even remotely attractive, she probably has a guy hitting on at least every time she goes out. You're just going to be one more weirdo to avoid unless you set yourself apart. Don't compliment her appearance. Instead, compliment her on something she doesn't expect but will appreciate.

If she has buttons on her bag, an item that's clearly hand made, or a book you read and enjoyed, these are better sources for compliments because you're complimenting something that's uniquely her instead of what might as well be just about any woman's hair or eyes.

4

"Remember" or "know" her. Let her catch you looking at her with a confused expression. After a minute or so, go up to her and say something like, "I'm really sorry, but I just can't remember your name. I know I've met you before, but I can't figure out where. I didn't want to be rude and have you think I was ignoring you." Play it off that you just wanted to come over for a quick hello, maybe play a short game of figuring out where you've met before, and then seem about ready to excuse yourself. Use the opportunity to break into another conversation (something about the environment around you would be easiest).

5

Be straight forward. There is a certain merit in simply walking up to her and saying, in a frank tone, "You're probably used to this but I'm new to it, so here it goes: I don't know you, but I'd like to. I think you're beautiful...and who doesn't want more of that in their life?" Some women will appreciate the honesty.

Part 3

Talking Right

1

Introduce yourself! Introducing yourself is simply the polite thing to do. Do it without the handshake or other physical greetings though, and try to avoid making her feel like she has to do the same. Give your name and quickly move the conversation on to something else. This makes her feel like she has the upper hand, which will make her more comfortable.

2

Set yourself apart. As said above, if a woman is even remotely nice looking, she probably has guys telling her so every day. There are probably plenty of guys that flirt with her. If you want to be successful when you approach her, you need to set yourself apart. The best way to do this is to act natural and flirt as little as possible. Talk about something interesting, not about what her boobs look like in that dress.

Be “social” not a “shark.” The guy who walks into a bar, circles around a few times, and then gets the courage to approach women one by one may be going home alone. Most women are familiar with this type. Talk socially to everyone and have fun – you’re not a starving hunter desperate for a meal.

3

Be non-threatening. Give her some personal space when you go up to her. Never stand in a way that blocks her exit from the area. Don't touch her. Maybe even act a little bashful. When a woman feels threatened, it doesn't matter how awesome you actually are. She's going to be too focused on her own safety to enjoy talking to you.[4]

4

Be humble. Boasting, bragging, and talking a lot about yourself doesn't impress women: it just tells them that you're self-centered and would probably be terrible to be in a relationship with. Instead, be humble when you talk to them and don't act like you're entitled to their company. Earn the right to be talking to them. Focus the conversation on them and not you.

5

Be genuine and sincere. You don't want her to think that you're lying to her through your actions, so try to be as genuine and sincere as possible. Don't try to act like some guy that you're not. Just be yourself and be honest about what you think.

6

Do NOT ask her out. Ending by asking her out, even if you took the straightforward approach, is a bad idea. When you ask a woman out without getting to know her, you're generally telling her that you're only interested in her looks. If you don't know her as a person yet, how can you really be interested in anything more? So instead, in order to build her trust in you, invite her to visit an event you attend regularly (dance club at your school, Sunday volunteer at the local soup kitchen, same day same time at the location you're currently at, etc.) so that you can see each other again. You can also ask for her phone number or, even better, her email. Just give her the feeling of choice and the sense that you really do want to get to know her better, not just sleep with her as soon as possible.

Part 4

Reading Her Signals

1

Look at her body posture. Look for an open vs closed body posture. If she's squirming in her seat and angling herself away from you, she's creeped out. However, if she's relaxed and keeping her body posture open and facing you, she's probably a bit receptive.[5]

2

See where her eyes are focused. If she's keeping eye contact or making flirty eyes, she's probably receptive. However, if you see her occasionally looking towards the door, clock, or crowds of people, she's probably feeling trapped and looking for an escape. Break the tension by apologizing for bothering her and give her some space. She might very well relax enough to reenter the conversation.

3

Listen to what she's saying. If she's giving short answers and seems to be trying to end the conversation then she's uncomfortable and you're probably not going to get anywhere. However, if she's giving longer answers or even asking you questions, then she's probably open to having a good conversation.[6]

4

Analyze what she's doing with her hands. If you see her flexing her hands, she's probably mad or offended that you're talking to her. If she's clutching her hands to her body or holding her purse tightly, she's at least uncomfortable. However, if her hands are relaxed and she's casually using them to talk, then she's more receptive to conversation.

5

Remember that signals can be mixed. Sometimes a woman that seems receptive, friendly, or even flirty may quickly become closed and unsure. This is a natural emotional reaction to the course of the conversation and her own analysis of your interactions. If she's becoming uncomfortable, ease up. And remember: no matter how friendly or interested she seemed, it doesn't obligate her to give you her number or go on a date with you. Don't get angry if she says no.

Part 5

Getting Extra Help

1

Become more confident. Confidence vs arrogance is very important. You need to show her that you like you and think you're worthwhile as a person, but you don't want to come across as that guy that's just in love with yourself. Build your confidence by taking on challenges and giving yourself the opportunity to do things that you can be proud of.

2

Learn to flirt. Flirting can be tough, especially if you're inexperienced and she's gorgeous and gets flirted with all the time. If you learn to compliment her on the right things, break from the player transcript, and focus on her, though, you'll be getting a date before you know it.

3

Practice starting a conversation. Starting conversations with people you don't know can be difficult. Don't worry, though: like a lot of things, it's a learned skill. You don't have to come by it naturally.

4

Meet women that are better for you. Dating strangers doesn't have the best likelihood of introducing you to a fulfilling experience with a woman. If you're tired of relationships that are unsatisfying, try meeting someone who's really right for you.

5

Ask her out! When you are finally ready to ask her out, make sure you do it right. You don't want to say something offensive, rude, or creepy and ruin all that hard work you put in!

Community Q&A

Search

Ask a Question

200 characters left

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

If you want to approach women anywhere, know that it can be nerve-racking, but you should try and treat it just like how you would start a normal conversation with anyone else. Find excuses to talk to her by commenting on something interesting that’s happening or asking her a question. For example, you can say, “Do you know what song this is?” Make sure you’re being non-threatening by talking to her in a public, open area and respecting her personal space. Instead of ending the conversation by immediately asking her out, ask for her number so you can get to know her more. For more help, including how to read a woman’s signals when you're talking to her, scroll down!

Did this summary help you?

Article Info

FEATURED ARTICLE

wikiHow is a “wiki,” similar to Wikipedia, which means that many of our articles are co-written by multiple authors. To create this article, 39 people, some anonymous, worked to edit and improve it over time. Together, they cited 8 references. This article has also been viewed 199,305 times.