Do Family Dinners Improve Child Behavior?

Research shows that kids who regularly have dinner with
their families are less inclined to engage in risky behaviors. Or maybe not.

New
research published in the Journal of Adolescent Health indicates
that the more frequently families have dinner together, the better kids do
emotionally. McGill University of Montreal
researchers sampled over 26,000 Canadian children ages 11-15. The researchers found that frequent family
dinners had a positive correlation with fewer behavioral problems, more helpful
behaviors, and higher life satisfaction among the children. “The effect doesn’t plateau after three or
four dinners a week, “ said Frank Elgar, an associated professor of psychiatry
at McGill. “One is better than none, and
all up the scale. The more dinners a
week, the better.” Still, the
researchers admit, they don’t know if family dinners contribute to good mental
health or if kids who are having problems tend to avoid eating with the
family.

Another study conducted last year published in the Journal
of Child Development, however, found no correlation between dinner and
positive outcomes for children. The
study was based on information gleaned from over 21,000 children in grades K-8
in the United States. But, said Daniel
Miller, the author of
the study, eating together as a family might just be one
of the activities that families engage in that help kids feel grounded. Other research has found that there is a
connection between family activities such as dinner and lower risks of smoking and
binge drinking. But again, researchers
are unclear whether the effects are causal.

In this age of technology, I find it hard to believe when I
watch families out to dinner that the experience is necessarily having a
positive effect. The kids are looking
down at their hand-helds or have earbuds in their ears. Parents frequently check their smart
phones. Nobody talks to anybody else. Nobody shares food and some kids only order
soda.

I also find it hard to believe that simply engaging in family
activities produces a positive effect.
Living near Busch Gardens and Water Country, I’ve seen numerous family
outings from hell, with parents shrieking at their kids and kids talking back
or ignoring them (earbuds in, iPhone out).
As one mother said to her child last summer, “Quit hanging on me! It’s hot, I’m sticky, and I don’t want you
touching me.” Out-of-towners are
spending a bundle to visit here in historic Williamsburg, and they often act
like it’s a sentence.

So I have to think it’s not dinner or the activity in and of
itself, but the attitude that adults bring to the table (so to speak). Put the tech away. Talk about what you did that day. No criticisms. If a kid knocks over his or her drink, so
what? Get a paper towel and refill the
glass. If it’s a family outing, plan it
so it’s not a 12-hour day with kids whining and adults exasperated. It’s not the dinner together per se; it’s
spending time together as a family, communicating with one another, and acting
as if you care about one another.

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