Hardly Working / Bane Mugs

Script

Hardly Working: Bane Mugs

By Owen Parsons & Josh Ruben

INT. NOLL HOLE - DAY
ANGLE ON: EMILY, holding a stack of FILES.
EMILY
All right guys, we need to comb
through these files and figure out
who's been embezzling thousands
from the company.
Zoom out to reveal JOSH, MURPH & OWEN sitting around
surrounded by files and holding coffee mugs. Murph is
covered in GOLD CHAINS and conspicuous BLING.
MURPH/OWEN/JOSH
Right.
They flip papers for a beat. Josh sighs, bored, then,
intohis coffee cup:
JOSH (AS BANE)
I'm so bored right now!
Everyone laughs - "Oh my god, it sounds like Bane!" - and
immediately uses their coffee cup to imitate him.
MURPH (AS BANE)
I'm Gotham's reckoning!
EMILY (AS BANE)
I was born in the dark!
OWEN (AS BANE)
Why so serious?
JOSH
That's The Joker.
OWEN
What? Nooooo.
EMILY
OKAY! No more joshing around.
(lifting mug as BANE)
Now is not the time for fear,
doctor! Now is the time-
(lowering mug, NORMAL)
-to get to work.
JOSH
Yeah, when we're done with the
files,
(lifting mug as BANE)
then, you have my permission to
(lowering mug, NORMAL) do Bane
impressions! But until then, nose
to the grindstone.
EMILY
(enough is enough)
Seriously, though. I'm in charge,
and I say we get back to work.
Murph rests his hand on Emily's shoulder.
MURPH (AS BANE)
Do you feel in charge?
(lowering mug, NORMAL)
Because frankly, I don't remember
electing you leader.
OWEN
I'm with Murph. We should
(lifting mug as BANE)
tear down this corrupt system!
Owen spills coffee, burning himself.
OWEN (AS BANE)
Ah! My friggin shirt! Damn it!
JOSH
Look, guys we've been in here a
while, and we're all testy, and
(lifting mug as BANE)
the fire is rising, brother!
(lowering mug, normal)
So let's just calm down, take a
deep breath, okay, and let
(lifting mug as BANE)
the games begin!
Josh violently knees Murph in the back. He collapses.
MURPH
My back! It's so broken!
Murph weakly rolls his spilled mug in front of his face.
MURPH (AS BANE)
It's extremely painful!
EMILY (AS BANE)
I was wondering what would break
first. Your spirit,(lowering mug,
normal) or our friggin'
concentration. We need to get this
done!
Sam knocks at the door.
JOSH / EMILY / OWEN / MURPH (ALL BANE)
Identify yourself!
SAM
It's- what? It's Sam. Is everyone
okay? I heard a spine snapping.
JOSH / EMILY / OWEN / MURPH
(synchronized lowering)
Yeah, we're fine. All good.
They all take a sip of coffee; instantly erupt into
overlapping Bane impressions.
SAM
O-kay... Did you figure out who was
embezzling?
Everyone lowers their mug sheepishly.
JOSH / EMILY / OWEN / MURPH
No...
SAM
Well, no thanks to you, I figured
it out on my own. Murph!
MURPH
(looking guilty)
Yeah?
SAM
Restrain Owen. He posted ten photos
of himself forging checks on
Instagram.
Murph pulls Owen's arms behind his back.
OWEN
You think this gives you power-
Emily, would you mind?
Emily puts Owen's coffee mug in front of his face.
OWEN (AS BANE)
You think this gives you power over
me?
Murph knocks the mug away from Owen's face.
OWEN
Ow! Dude!
SAM
As for the rest of you, you wasted
an entire day of work goofing off
and doing Bane impressions.
EMILY
Are you going to fire us?
SAM
What? No!
Sam raises a coffee mug to his mouth.
SAM (AS BANE)
Your punishment must be more
severe.
Sam holds up a detonator.
Everyone, into their coffee mugs:
EVERYONE (AS BANE)
NO!!!
SAM
(lowering mug, normal)
Actually, that's probably the worst
thing I have the power to do to
you. So yes, you are fired. Sorry
for lying earlier.
END.