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Today God told me that he loved me. It really felt good to hear that. I’ve been feeling like a bad person lately like I’m not doing my job as a christian and not taking care of myself. It’s funny how easily we think that God gets mad at us and stops loving us and wants to withdraw his love based on our performance.

Nothing could be farther from the truth. I was feeling depressed and lonely and it was putting me into a bad mood. I was not aware that I was fearing that God was mad at me. When he told me that he loved me it was such a relief. I had no idea I was carrying that weight around.

I’m so glad I took the time to respond to his calling on my heart today. His love is so much bigger than we can imagine and it’s perfect. No hidden control or manipulation. No guilt. Our performance doesn’t effect how he feels about us.

The atmosphere was filled with his presence. Voices raised in worship and adoration. The worship band was taking a few minutes to just soak in the love of God. The chorus continued in the phrase Hallelujah, Hallelujah .. that’s when I saw a beautiful picture of Jesus.

He was standing in the throne room smiling and smiling and smiling and taking in every bit of love that was directed at him. I could feel his heart rejoicing in the moment just soaking up the praise.

It was then that I saw it. He needs our love too! God created us because he was lonely. He created us because he wanted children to share all the love he had. I’ve been in relationships with people who couldn’treceive the love I had for them. Isn’t having someone receive our love part of the joy?

God want’s a reciprocal relationship with us. He loves to be loved just as we do. The big difference is that he is perfect in his giving and receiving. He gives and receives with out conditions.

The Walls …

I’m like a boxer. Holding my gloves up in front of my face to protect myself from the 1-2 punch that’s coming. I’m looking for the opening to deliver my own right jab to my opponet. My gloves are my protection. My gloves are my walls.

My walls include, fear, anger, disappointment, insecurity, un-forgiveness .. I’ve had them for so many years and I’ve given them to God so many times.

My walls keep me from loving people.

It all points to rejection.

Years and years of childhood spent waiting for the criticism, the insult, the pain, the rejction. Years of putting my arms up in defence. Building walls to protect myself. Shutting people out and finding fault with them before they can hurt me. It’s a habit that has been diffcult to break.

I bravely gave these things over to God again today trusting him to be my protection. I asked him just how was he going to protect me? I ask him .. How can you stop people from rejecting me?

He said ..

I can’t stop someone from rejecting you but, if you build your house on the solid rock, when the winds blow and the storms prevail, nothing can tear it down.

That made me smile. Then I said – “Just how does one go about building on the solid rock”? He pointed out to me that building your self esteem in people, looking to them to be kind, or accepting and holding you up is building on the sand. People are not going to be able to give you something solid. Going to God for your self esteem and love is the solid rock.

He wants us to be able to withstand the harsh winds of rejection. The stones and arrows of the world are going to come. We need to be solid so those arrows bounce off and then the world can see his light through us.

My Thought for the Day ..

I get focused on keeping up with the Jones’s. I see what my neighbors have and I think that I’m not doing something right in my life because I don’t have as much “stuff”.

The Holy Spirit gave me a bit of wisdom today about that. I always forget that the ways of the kingdom are backward to the ways of the world. It feels so awkward because we were raised in the ideals of the world .. but here is what he said to me ..

In the kingdom relationship with God is the greatest. We look at material things as the greatest or the sign of success. But in the kingdom, relationship with God is the highest. Material wealth is an outward sign that anyone in the world can achieve.

God wants us to put him first. It’s better than any gold on this earth.

This is a really good thought for me today. We all have dreams that just fail or explode or just don’t take off sometimes. The only constant in the world is God. He will always be the same even when people let us down. People WILL let us down. Letting go of the broken dream is hard, trusting again can be hard. I love that God is in the redemption business.

I saw this from Joel Osteen today ..

The scripture says, “God will give you beauty for ashes.” Ashes represent our broken dreams, our failures, our disappointments and our hurts. Here’s the key: you have to let go of the ashes before you can receive the beauty. If you won’t let go of the old, you can’t receive the new.

An Easter Vision ….

I don’t normally make a fuss over Good Friday. This year it fell on the day that I go to my church small group. We decided to do communion that night and commemorate Good Friday. As we were sitting in reflection, I got this really cool vision. I saw a woman with a pail and some clothes in her hands walking down a path towards the tomb where Jesus’s body had been put after the crucifixion.

As she was headed towards the tomb, there were some men standing in front of it. They were Pharisees. They were speaking to one another and one of them said to the other … Be sure to use a really big stone in front of the tomb. We don’t want anyone to think someone came and stole the body.

Then I heard the voice of God laughing and saying .. Yes, Be sure to use a really big stone in front of the tomb!

He wanted to be sure that this miracle would be seen as a miracle and not an act of man!

Life goes on forever. There is no death for us now. This life we are living now is only the beginning. The life after this one is the real life. I wrote a song about it a few years ago. What a great feeling to know that life goes on forever …