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A person with martyr syndrome puts everyone else’s needs above his or her own so that he or she can suffer for the sake of others and thus give his or her life meaning. However, people with martyr syndrome often suffer needlessly while expecting those around them to shower them with affection because of their sacrifices. If you interact with a person, be it a home or at work, that you think has martyr syndrome, it will be important to know the symptoms of this complex. Scroll down to Step 1 to learn more.

Steps

Method1

Recognizing Martyr Syndrome in Relationships

1

Know that people with martyr syndrome suffer mostly by choice. When someone has martyr syndrome, they often choose to continue suffering, rather than fixing the problem, because they think that their suffering provides them with the completeness and fulfillment required to lead a meaningful and whole life. More than anything, a person with martyr syndrome longs for recognition and approval from those around him or her.[1]

2

Recognize martyr syndrome in someone who you suspect is dealing with an abusive relationship. Continuing to suffer, rather than fixing the problem, is a common symptom of those who are in an abusive or harassing relationship. They stay with the person causing them pain because they think that they can change the person’s ways with their unselfish behavior. Even if they have the choice of getting out of their bad situation, they choose to stay in it because they think it is more noble to suffer and if they leave the situation, they may be viewed as selfish.[2]

For example, a woman may stay with an abusive husband for two reasons. One would be that she thinks it is her duty to fix him and their relationship, so she suffers in order to be unselfish and mend his ways. The second reason may be that she chooses to stay because she does not want her children to live in a disturbed home. Because of this, she chooses to suffer rather than letting her children suffer, as she thinks they would do if she were to leave her husband.

3

Note any role model that the person has. People with martyr syndrome often select someone to be his or her role model. This role model is generally someone who chose to suffer rather than confront a situation in order to achieve a goal of some kind. Because of this role model, the person is ruled by thoughts of others and puts themselves on a pedestal of for having taken up the task of rendering selfless services for the sake of others.

4

Take note if the person often complains that his or her selflessness goes unacknowledged. People with martyr syndrome often look and act unhappy because they feel that their sacrifices are underappreciated. A person with martyr syndrome will often feel like the person she has sacrificed for does not really how instrumental she has been in the person’s success.

The person will mostly talk about how difficult life has been for her because she has had to sacrifice so much for the benefit of others. She will never talk about other options that she could have chosen to remedy the situation.

5

Understand that people the person will have a hard time letting the person they ‘sacrificed for’ live their own lives. The person will often remind the person that he sacrificed for that he deserves acknowledgement and appreciation. Even the slightest display of an attitude that they take to be less than respectful will be taken as an insult. Because of this, the person will get offended easily and will be set off by the slightest of triggers.[3]

An example of something that a person with martyr syndrome might say would sound like s ‘I did so much for them so the least they could do is involve me in every aspect of their life, in every decision they make. They owe me their respect and acknowledgement for my services to them.”

6

Note that the person will always talk highly of himself. The person will always talk about himself as a person who chose to suffer because of a noble cause. He will act as if he is constantly chased by a nagging feeling that people who have benefited from his sacrifices just do not recognize and acknowledge his selfless contributions and services.

The person will also does not hesitate in voicing his displeasure to anyone that is willing to listen. He would like as many people as possible to know how unfortunate he is for having gotten the short end of the stick because of his acts of sacrifice.

7

Notice if the person expects everyone to shower her with sympathy. People with martyr syndrome expect others to admire them for their selfless spirit. They greatly enjoy being showered with sympathy for the dreams and aspirations they put aside so that they could benefit someone else.

If anyone tries to challenge the person’s intentions, or points out that the person did not have to sacrifice everything, the person will become very upset and angry. A normal response is to claim that the challenger is selfish, ungrateful, and has no idea what the person’s life has been life.

8

Be aware that the person will refuse assistance. When a person with martyr syndrome is in the process of fixing someone else’s life, she will refuse any help, or deem any help that she does get as insignificant in the full scheme of things. She will not listen to advice or suggestions because she thinks that everything that happens is because of her--no one else had a hand in any of the changes that were made.

Wherever possible, the person with martyr syndrome will paint the picture like she was the only one to shoulder any burden in the situation, even if other people helped, or the situation didn’t really need to be fixed in the first place.

9

Know that the person will demand displays of love and respect. The person will love you and shower you with affection, but in return he will ask for your own outward displays of love and respect. Unsaid actions of love don’t satisfy people with martyr syndrome--they need the most overt forms of expression.[4]

They will expect you to talk about their sacrifices and unselfishness to everyone that you come into contact with. They will also expect gifts that show how much you appreciate them.

Method2

Recognizing Martyr Syndrome at Work

If you think someone you work with is suffering from martyr syndrome, it is important to know the symptoms in order to properly confirm your suspicions.

1

Pay attention to when the person arrives and leaves. One of the more common signs of martyr syndrome at work is when the person you suspect has the syndrome arrives before everyone else in the office, and stays until after everyone leaves. Try to get to work early and stay late to see if the person does in fact arrive before everyone else, and stays until after everyone else has gone home.

Having no life, or very little life, outside of work can also be a sign of martyr syndrome--the person may arrive early or stay late because he has an imbalanced life that revolves entirely around work.

2

Take note of work that the person brings home. A person with martyr syndrome at work will not hesitate to bring work home with her. She will affirm that she isn’t really bound by office hours and is more than happy to bring the work home. You can keep track of this by noting the time that she sends out hours--if she sends and responds to emails at hours when she should be doing anything but work, take note.

If she sends or responds to emails at odd hours every once in a while, this does not necessarily mean she is an office martyr. However, if this is a daily occurrence, she may have martyr syndrome.

3

Notice if the person often complains about working hard without gaining recognition. The person expects coworkers to know how hard he works based on the amount of hours he stays at the office, rather than by how efficient or productive he was. The person may view himself as the only person in the organization that can properly get the job done, therefore he has a hard time delegating parts of the job to others that he thinks will produce sub-par work. This causes the office martyr to take double the time to finish the task.

People with martyr syndrome may also have harder times prioritizing their tasks because they are overly aware of how important their task is.

4

Pay attention to the person’s views on what the company would be without him or her. People with martyr syndrome honestly believe that the companies they work for would crumble without them. Because of this, they have a hard time taking days off. When they do take the day off, they work from home to ensure that the company does not fall to ruin.

Community Q&A

If a person constantly refers to others as "selfish", has difficulty accepting people who don't share her values or do things the way she would or feels they should be done, and who lashes out with insults to a person's intelligence, wants or points of view, does this person have a martyr complex?

Maren McCallister

Community Answer

I don't know what complex they may have, but I do know that they are "toxic" to your emotional health. Knowing what is specifically wrong with a person is really secondary to how you can help yourself. Know that this person may have a disorder that is incurable, but the only way to find that out is if they are diagnosed by a psychiatrist. A person with a character disorder has to recognize it AND want to get help before they can change. Since this rarely happens, you and other affected people have to develop strategies to limit your exposure to this abuse. Ask a healthcare professional where to find help.

Married to a martyr syndrome person. Retired and does not work much except when mates are watching. What are good strategies? I work full time.

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

An honest conversation is always the best strategy. Be prepared to compromise. If you expect your partner to do all the work around the house now, but the other person feels retirement finally lets them be lazy, certainly some middle ground will have to be found. However, financial and other responsibilities must be shouldered by both people involved, like it or not, and both must carry their weight.

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Co-authors: 9

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Views: 122,390

DS

Donna Sophia

Apr 11, 2017

"I have no success to report, but this article did confirm that a decades-long friend is a martyr, getting worse, and I need to stop trying to help her. She's getting preachy and seems angry that anyone can get into Heaven, insinuating she deserves it more. The bitterness is exhausting and being around her is no longer enjoyable. In less than 9 months she lost a grandson, brother, and mother. She's angry that people aren't lined up to hold her hand. I've tried, but I can't take it. "..." more

Rated this article:

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Sazz D.

Nov 11, 2016

"After a personality test, my results stated that I had an element of the martyr complex. I was doing further research, and came across this article. It was very interesting and enlightening. I now know that I don't have martyr syndrome, but I'm glad that I became aware of it, and am able to have more empathy for others with this."..." more

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Anonymous

Jun 4, 2017

"For the first time in my life - I'm age 63 - this article described my mother perfectly, and helped me greatly understand why she abused me the way she did. This is very helpful for my psychotherapy. I was just dumbfounded by the article. Thank you!"..." more

EB

Eric Burton

Sep 30, 2016

"My wife exhibits all the signs of what seems to be a martyr's complex. It has become very difficult to live with her, let alone to just be around her, but I will not give up on the woman that I love and hold most dear. "..." more

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Anonymous

Jul 3, 2016

"It clarified what I already suspected was my mother. She was married to an alcoholic farmer, and took over the field work, etc., because my dad would take off drinking with his mistress."..." more

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Anonymous

Sep 28, 2017

"It helped me realize the unease I felt in the relationship where I could never do anything right or good enough was not my fault!"..." more

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Anonymous

Oct 28, 2016

"Having some example situations given to demonstrate the overview described helped me to understand the concepts."

EB

Eric Burton

Sep 30, 2016

"Gave me a starting point to deal properly with my wife, who is exhibiting most of the signs in this article."

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Anonymous

Nov 5, 2017

"The information in itself is helpful to share to others, particularly those who have the symptoms."

VS

Vy Sharieff

Aug 12, 2016

"Martyr syndrome at work, that was an eye opener. Thanks so much for that article!"