This article was created as part of LordStonefish's Pick N' Mix Challenge, which I recommend all users to try out. Allow me to express thanks to individuals such as Mr Abadede, Leveritas, Bentu, Modern_Erasmus, Pendatique, SunnyClockwork etc. for seeing this through in its many versions. Special thanks to LordStonefish for facilitating the circumstances for this to exist.

Dubois did made such a a prayer, which was answered by whatever is in charge in Fifthism (likely in exchange for warping Catholicism into an appendage for the Fifth Church). It manipulated various people (like the jihadists and the ex-Cardinal) to help Dubois become Pope, but the Foundation stopped the whole affair. It's not much of a loss for the forces of Fifthism, since it's Dubois who wanted it and not them. They just took the order.

As for the ex-cardinal, he was shaken from the experience of being controlled and is now travelling to find out more about Fifthism.

Welcome to the first ever "Young and under 30" project review. The format may change, but you gotta start somewhere. Although having picked the least commented eligible article from the list, I certainly hadn't expected it to have been written by a well-established author. I look forward to starting some discussion on "A Priest in a Suitcase at Timbuktu".

What works well: The phrase "SCP-3257-B's interaction with the Sistine Chapel" in the second paragraph of the description was a classic example of how to use Containment Procedures as "what the?" bait to draw readers in.

I also like the mystery set up with the first paragraph on -B - there are lots of weird details that make me keen to read on and find out the answer. That was compounded when reading about the body parts being ejected at high speeds - I thought I could predict how this was going to go, and it surprised me.

The story of Dubois, once revealed, is a bit simplistic but also cute and poignant. I also like the Fifth Church's link to the papal conclave through the white smoke, which worked well for me as a throwaway detail.

The overall ratio of amount of story (and weirdness) to length was very high, a fact of which I am a big fan.

What could be improved: Quite a lot of the language is a fraction imprecise (eg does a "pitch black" interior mean it has black lining, or the suitcase is dark inside?; "SCP-3257-A cannot perceive stimuli introduced" to the suitcase - does that mean it can't hear or sense at all, or it merely can't see what's inside the suitcase?; "at the location Dubois was last sighted at" - the second "at" is unnecessary; it's not clear whether both the fragments and the suitcase need to be inside the Sistine Chapel for -A to perceive them). This impedes readability, and I think the article could have done with a thorough line-by-line to make sure every sentence was getting its meaning across as clearly as possible. That is especially important where things get weird, as it's easy for readers to become confused and disengage from the story.

The story in the addendum wasn't clear. Was the Cardinal vetoing the Foundation's use of the Sistine Chapel? How did the Foundation know to use the Sistine Chapel at that time? How would the suitcase have affected papal succession (and how did the Vatican know that it would, in order to veto the proposal)?

How to sell it: "Did you know the Vatican almost elected a suitcase full of flying body parts as pope? Yeah, and the Fifthists were involved too". Also, there should be lots of possible links from other articles to this one, from both the Fifthist and Catholic Church angles.

Verdict: Downvoted, although with some tightening of the drafting and a stronger link between the stories of Dubois and the Cardinal, I could see myself upvoting.

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I have amended the stated language issues and tried clearer phrasing for some of them.

Was the Cardinal vetoing the Foundation's use of the Sistine Chapel? How did the Foundation know to use the Sistine Chapel at that time?

Initially, I would have answered that the SCP told the Foundation that it is going to Sistine (which was my original draft of the thing). However, the SCP's effect would only make interaction possible if it enters Sistine. I was about to say that it is related to the destination label stated as Sistine Chapel, but the Foundation would've been smarter than to bring a bomb of human organs to a Papal election.

Ultimately, the addendum has to change. Tentatively, I am going for the cardinal requesting for the SCP to be brought into the chapel and insisting on its request.

How would the suitcase have affected papal succession (and how did the Vatican know that it would, in order to veto the proposal)?

In my mind, the story of a man who was literally brought to the chapel via a miraculous event seems to pass off as someone in God's flavour. I suppose it can be one of Dubois' various assertions.

I think this could benefit from a greater focus on the motives of Dubois, rather than just the consequences of his desires. Without this, the piece feels quite lightheartedly absurd (not to say that this is necessarily a bad thing), which I think kind of detracts from the serious implications of the SCP for the Catholic Church and Fifthism, barring the intervention of the Foundation. Just throwing the idea out there.

I think this could benefit from a greater focus on the motives of Dubois

Hmm, thinking about it, I would have perceived it to be a moment of Dubois wanting to claim the title in the belief that he feels he deserves more in the Church, and coincidentally be the first Pope of African descent.

Okay, there is grounds for it. But let me think on how that can be presented. Maybe statements from his colleagues? Or I could turn the selected statements to actual quotes from the guy. I would likely think over this over a dream or two.

Does this count as a Yau30 review? I guess it does, considering it's still young and under 30, and I got here from the hub. Whatever.

I like this, I really do, it's a very unique idea with a good story of a person wanting to be Pope, but in a very anomalous fashion. You manage to pull off the religious aspect well, Dubois and the cardinal feel in-character. I quite like scips that utilise real-world religions because they can give a very good extra dimension of interest, and you manage to pull it off.

Although, and I'm sure this is just me, but, I don't really like how you included Fifthism. Granted, I don't know much about The Fifth Church, but I wasn't thinking about them at all until the final couple of lines. I get that The Fifth Church was supposed to have a hand in all of this, but I just don't see that in the article, and so when you mention it at the end it just feels tagged on to me, to gain interest by relating it to a GoI. Again, I know that's not what you intended, from your above posts, but that's how it felt. Also, the part where the cardinal appeared to have been possesed:

All I remembered was an unusual choking sensation, as though I was surrounded by smoke.

This also feels just shoved in for interest to me. Once again, I know you intended Fifthism to be behind this, but, as I said, it's not very clear in the article, and so it doesn't work for me. I only got how Fifthism related to this after your explanation in your initial post, which I don't think is really how it should be.

Yet, overall, I like this, and give it a +1. The story and the objects themselves are enough for me to look past the above points. I think you could fix them by making it more obvious that The Fifth Church has a hand in this, thereby making everything seem more linked, rather than just stuck in for interest.

Solution: Move that into a footnote that Vatican staff said that the cardinal was suffering hallucinations during the period. Admittedly, it was indeed forced out to have someone state such things in a e-mail they are writing.

That's a good solution, I commend it. However, I still have that issue with how The Fifth Church is included. It's not that I disagree with it playing a part here, no, that makes it more interesting. I just don't feel it's very clear, hence my above grievances. If you disagree though, that's fine.

As it is, the Fifthist references are mostly subtle and can be relatively obscure (constant mentions of 'five', the smoke). Admittedly, the reason for the last paragraph of the article is to frame the SCP up as Fifthist, since they are depicted here as a mysterious force backing all the events that transpired.

At the moment, I'm not sure how to make things clearer (partially due to Fifthism being mysterious about itself).

Hmm, at the risk of undermining my own critique, I'm not quite sure how you can fix it, either.
I'm gonna tentatively suggest something related to Fifthism being present on the actual suitcase, that way it's present in the main object. Also, to prevent the kind of 'shock inclusion' at the end with the cardinal, you could have something implying the cardinal is aware of Fifthism (which I guess he was, right?). However, feel free to ignore those.

I will say, though, that this is just my grievance, and it's possible I didn't get any of the subtleties until the explicit statement at the end because I don't know much about Fifthism (I certainly didn't get the smoke part), other people might not have the same problem. I think it's worth getting a second opinion on this.

This is well-written, and a unique concept, but I'm going to have to no-vote it, because it is indicative of what I see as a growing problem with the Fifthists. Namely, they've been kept so intentionally vague as to their methods and motivations as a GoI that they're being used as more and more of a McGuffin (if I'm using the term correctly); a throw-away reason for 'A Thing' to be anomalous, without having worry about expository details as to the why.

And that's not to imply that every use of them is lazy. It's more that including them, by their nature, means you don't have to explain what they are trying to accomplish, nor that it has to make any sense or serve any greater goal. Indeed, I appreciate Fifthist instances where authors DO include such detail.

I cannot deny the criticism with that. Fifthism is not a GoI I claim strong knowledge in, although I did read up on pre-existing works to see what I can do about it. The Fifthist element came in quite late in the conception, as I fancied the idea of the Fifth Church corrupting various groups into Fifthism (a theme I borrowed from the GoI Hub's take on the concept).

I'll be honest, I intentionally did not downvote this article simply because I know I have a prejudice against Fifthist skips in general. I don't see them as a particularly strong GoI, and I don't pretend to understand much about them (which lends itself to my distaste for them; I don't like things I don't understand. I smash them with rocks and grunt).

This article may well be a wonderful representation of what Fifthism is. My point is, don't take my criticism of the use of Fifthism in general as a knock against this article in particular. My dislike is much more vague.

I like the updates, and think this is working much better. Downvote removed, and I think the only thing keeping me from upvoting is the contradiction between the description of speech occurring when the suitcase is in the Sistine Chapel, and one of the quotes talking about what might happen if it ever went there.

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