The 20 Something Wine and Cheese Party

An announcement: Congratulations! You have been invited by X to a wine and cheese party!

While invitee X is clearly someone you know (I mean, come on, Facebook Friendship!), it is key to look at the guest list before clicking that “Join” button.Depending on who is actually hosting the party, expect to know about half the people on the list, the other half will be names you might recognize from passing stories or the occasional Facebook check-in where your dear friend, X, and her apparent good friend, Y, went to dinner where something REALLY FUNNY took place or the food was just amazing and, “hey, look, here’s a picture of the tiramisu!”.

Rule of thumb with any event invite: never be the first to RSVP. This could prove disastrous. No, wait until you see who else joins. Is it mostly people you know and could potentially even stomach for the evening? Then go ahead, friend, hit that join button with confidence.

Next up: what will you bring? Don’t worry, the hostess will ask soon enough. What follows will be a string of responses that will light up your Facebook mobile app like a Christmas tree, or like the California woods during brush fire season, whatever analogy you prefer. You will feel popular for a moment or two (fool), but this feeling will soon give way to an annoyance, even hostility, upon reading Lisa is bringing cheese and crackers and “Oh my God, you guys, should someone bring a vegetable plate because LOOK AT ALL THOSE CARBS! LOL we’re such fatties.”

The day of the party has arrived. Yay. What will you wear? If you’re like me (and God, I hope you’re like me or things are probably getting awkward between us) you will dress normally for your day of work. Pants, blouse, flats: nothing special. Sure, you’ll make sure to shower and perhaps pay more attention to make-up application than usual, but otherwise, you’ll treat the day as any other.

This, you will learn, was a mistake.

As you look around the room later, seeing all the girls in cute dresses, you will look down at your dress pants and trouser socks and feel like a complete fool. Not to mention your uninspired wardrobe choice will be documented on Facebook for all eternity because, guess what? THERE WILL BE PICTURES. Helpful tip: offer to take the pictures. This will guarantee you will not be in the picture and it will keep you busy.

But dear reader, I have failed you and skipped over the best part of the evening: the awkward introductions to people you don’t know and will never see again. You will, without any real desire to know the answers, find yourself asking where Ms. Random Person lives and works. To save you the trouble, she lives in Astoria and works in social media. Trust me.

That’s it! Now it’s just a matter of getting through the next four hours with your sanity still intact. Advice: pour your own wine glass to a level much higher than social protocol dictates and GULP IT DOWN because, honey, it’s going to be a long night.