I can’t wait till Katie Holmes is my girlfriend. God that’s gonna be great. And now that she’s finally cut Chris Klein loose, my sexy plan to make her mine can finally be unleashed. It shouldn’t take her long to forget about Klein, since he’s completely average in every way. Except that he’s got some pretty weird features. I know he’s not a burn victim but that’s still what I think when I look at him. He looks like that guy in all those invisible man movies when the guy who became invisible has to meet the girl who’s gonna help him break into the lab so he puts on a ton of makeup and rouge and eyelashes and a wig to blend in at the coffee shop. That’s Chris Klein. That dude. The invisible burn victim. My new girlfriends ex. Ta-daa!

(from now on, when I don’t have an ending, I’m just gonna say “ta-daa!”)