Locking your man out might not be a good idea

Catherine Kipusie Bagaya

Published on: November 13, 2015 at 11:12 pm

Last Modified: November 13, 2015 at 11:13 pm

“Let him dare come home late again he will go back where he has been,” I heard a woman recently loudly lament to her friend without care of her surroundings. I was seated across having my lunch, what she said got me thinking as women what do we think happens when we lock our boyfriends/husbands outside because they came back home late.

I don’t condone the behaviour but I would rather we figured out a better way of addressing the issue our men staying out late, sometimes with their guy friends. I have dated a few men in my life who love their drink probably more than they enjoy spending time with me hehehehe no that is not the case since I am usually out with them so that when it is time to leave we do together.

Of course, there were days when I played focused girlfriend and stayed home while my lover went out to gallivant without me, at some point I hoped that he would miss me and come rushing home but he never did. I would get mad for a few minutes because I wanted him home with me but then I realised that I spent most of my time with him and in that moment he had his space and I had mine so I decided to utilize it and concentrate on myself and stop worrying about what he was doing, who he was with and all those crazy thoughts that had crossed my idle mind.

Eventually, watching TV would get boring and I would go to bed. There was no point in waiting for my lover. It was the sound of someone whistling to some song that I don’t remember that always woke me up, struggling to open my eyes to his face too close to mine trying to kiss me with his steaming breath.

You can imagine how disgusting it is when you kiss someone who has been drinking and smoking in your sober state of course I would get angry that he had come home late but I was glad the he was fine, safe and home to me even if he was blazed.

My girlfriend Cassy on the other hand didn’t share my approach, she believed that her lover had to learn a lesson so this one time he came home in the wee hours of the morning and she asked him to go back where he had been. Shouting and screaming obscenities at him claiming that he had spent the evening with other women yet she knew that he had been out with his boys and this practice she continued she swore he would change. She was no different from the women that were seated across me, as she bragged about locking him out I wanted to ask her whether she knew where he had spent the night but I had a friend who would answer me honestly.

After my lunch, I met up with my girlfriend Cassy and went straight to the point on whether locking her lover out had made him into the man she had wanted. I wanted to know whether he had started coming home early her response is not what I expected she looked at me and started crying.

Cassy had found out that each time she asked her boyfriend to go back where he came from he went to his other girlfriend’s house who would always take him in. I was sad that Cassy was going through this but the truth was I had warned her, no one can ever change a fellow human being and the more you try to restrain someone the more complicated they become.

My boyfriend then knew in his mind that I would be at home waiting no matter the time he returned and so he would make it a point to come back home because I let him be, the thought of him having a blast without me would make him miss me and in Cassy’s case her boyfriend knew that it didn’t matter whether he went home at midnight or 2am she would always tell him to go back where he had been then he stopped going home completely until the next day. So here she was regretting her actions.

I honestly didn’t have what to tell her to change her attitude. But I advised my girl to always open the door for her man or let him have his own key. She was lucky he was with another woman but next time he might unfortunately meet his end. So, fellow ladies, locking your man out is not the solution, but i might be wrong, who knows!