Ridin' down the highway!
Goin' to a show.
Stop in all the byways,
Playin' rock 'n' roll.
Gettin' robbed.
Gettin' stoned.
Gettin' beat up.
Broken boned.
Gettin' had.
Gettin' took.
I tell you folks,
It's harder than it looks!
It's a long way to the top if you wanna rock 'n' roll!
It's a long way to the top if you wanna rock 'n' roll!
There's a destination a little up the road
From the habitations and the towns we know.
A place we saw the lights turn low.
Jig-saw jazz and the get-fresh flow.
Pulling out jives and jamboree handouts.
Two turntables and a microphone.
Bottles and cans and just clap your hands and just clap your hands!
Where it's at?
I got two turntables and a microphone.
Take me home in my elevator bones!
(That was a good drum break.)
What's the matter with the clothes I'm wearing?
Can't you tell that your tie's too wide?
Maybe I should buy some old tab collars?
Welcome back to the age of jive.
Where have you been hidin' out lately, honey?
You can't dress trashy till you spend a lot of money.
Everybody's talkin' 'bout the new sound
Funny, but it's still rock and roll to me.
There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
And when she gets there she knows if the stores are closed.
With a word she can get what she came for.
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
Baby, baby why can't you sit still?
Who killed that bird out on you window sill?
Are you the reason that he broke his back?
Did I see you laugh about that?
If I come on like a dream?
Would you let me show you what I mean?
If you let me come on inside?
Will you let it glide?
Can I have some remedy?
Remedy for me please.
Cause if I had some remedy
I'd take enough to please me.
Money, get away.
Get a good job with more pay and you're okay.
Money it's a gas!
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash!
New car, caviar, four star daydream,
Think I'll buy me a football team.
Money get back!
I'm alright Jack keep your hands off my stack.
Money it's a hit.
Don't give me that do goody good bullshit!
Oh, baby child...
It's no secret that the stars are falling from the sky.
It's no secret that our world is in darkness tonight.
They say the sun is sometimes eclipsed by a moon.
You know I don't see you when she walks in the room.
It's no secret that a friend is someone who lets you help.
It's no secret that a liar won't believe anyone else.
They say a secret is something you tell one other person
So I'm telling you, child.
A man will beg,
A man will crawl,
On the sheer face of love,
Like a fly on a wall.
It's no secret at all!
Im ahead, Im a man.
Im the first mammal to wear pants, yeah.
Im at peace with my lust.
I can kill cause in God I trust, yeah.
Its evolution, baby!
Im at piece, Im the man!
Buying stocks on the day of the crash!
On the loose, Im a truck.
All the rolling hills, Ill flatten em out, yeah.
Its herd behavior, uh huh,
Its evolution, baby!
Load up on guns,
Bring your friends,
Its fun to lose,
And to pretend,
Shes overboard,
Myself assured,
I know I know,
A dirty word,
Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello!
With the lights out its less dangerous!
Here we are now,
Entertain us!
I feel stupid and contagious.
Here we are now,
Entertain us!
A mulatto,
An albino,
A mosquito,
My libido,
Yea!
Is it my imagination,
Or have I finally found something worth living for?
I was looking for some action,
But all I found was cigarettes and alcohol
You could wait for a lifetime,
To spend your days in the sunshine.
You might as well do the white line,
Cos when it comes on top . . .
You gotta make it happen!
Sorry Bout The Things That I Had To Say
And I'll Make It Up To You Right Now At The Penny Arcade.
In An Open Car Or Wherever You Are
Push Yourself Too Hard And It Might Get Hot.
Well I Really Don't Need The Confusion,
And You Know I Just Ain't The Type,
To Get All Wrapped Up In The Illusion Of Doin Something
That I Know Ain't Right - Right Right???
You've Got To Want To Re-Arrange
And Keep It Off The Record. Off The Record.
You've Got To Know That We Will Change
And Keep It Off The Record. Off The Record.
We'll be fighting in the streets,
With our children at our feet.
And the morals that they worship will be gone.
And the men who spurred us on,
Sit in judgement of all wrong.
They decide and the shotgun sings the song.
I'll tip my hat to the new constitution.
Take a bow for the new revolution.
Smile and grin at the change all around,
Pick up my guitar and play.
Just like yesterday.
Then I'll get on my knees and pray,
We don't get fooled again!

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Because this list is so damn long, there ain't gunna be any fancy schmancy artwork that accompanies it, alright? OK, so I'm a total claimer, sue me. Here in order, is my list of the top 30 tracks of 2006, my favorite line of dialogue from a movie, and my pick for the worst song of the year. Enjoy, and celebrate the new year by downloading THE TOP 10 in one juicy file! Just click below on the picture of 2006.

I discovered this album kinda late in the year, and was incredibly thankful for it. They kinda have a cool rock- bar band-thingy goin for it, with Springsteen like music and more impressively, Springsteen like imagery with the lyrics. A real fun rock album to play while you drink with the guys you grew up with.

Ahhh, Eddie. What a wonderful return to RAWK. I guess the band said enough of the ballads already and decided to explore it's more punk roots. The result? A nice combination of those trademark sweeping ballads and good hard rockin. Welcome back boys.

What is a good sign of a good album? The songs never get tired. Months later, Gold Lion still gets stuck in my head (and I mean that in a good way).

6. Zero 7 - The GardenKey Tracks: Future, Throw It All Away, Crosses

Zero 7 up tempos their chill sound by channeling their inner-Fleetwood Mac. This is what Supertramp woulda sounded like had they ever made an electronic album. Guest singers Jose Gonzalez and Sia also add a nice touch.

Ok, ok, I get it. They sound like Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, The White Stripes and AC/DC. And how is that a bad thing? C'mon don't tell me you didn't headbang just a little bit even as you heard Woman for the millionth time.

Mr. Hanson? Thank you. Returning to a more "Odelay" sound, Beck has handed us another masterpiece. This album made it to #4 based on the first side of it alone. Had side two been as strong, it woulda been #1.

3. Arctic Monkeys - Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm NotKey Tracks: I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor, Fake Tales Of San Francisco, Mardy Bum, When The Sun Goes Down

Brit rock with a bar band twenty something twist, this album reminds me of something Oasis would have done back in the early nineties minus their damn Beatles infatuation. Fast paced, and lyrical, if The Hold Steady's drink is Pabst Blue Ribbon, the Monkeys would be Guinness. Solid.

Ok, so this is what Jack White sounds like with a full band! More please! Broken Boy Soldiers clocks in at just under forty minutes, and with better songs on it than the already familiar Steady As She Goes, it leaves you craving future releases.

1. My Morning Jacket - OkonokosKey Tracks: The Way That He Sings, Off The Record, Golden, Anytime

Oh my gawd, a live album at number one? What the fuck this guy's claimin? Yes, I'm totally claimin a live album as my number one album of 2006. But this is just not any live album. Okonokos is a document of a truly great live band, and one that within 3 years you won't be able to see in a smallish theater anymore. The album itself contains all of the bands finest songs, and the recording sounds as good as if they were in a studio. It rocks, it rolls it ebbs and flows. Jim James's voice is a rare one that captures all of the emotion of the moment, and you would be a total claimer not give it a listen.

ON THE BUBBLE:In no particular order, these five 2006 releases deserve some mention even though they did not make the top ten:

As New Year's Eve approaches, I am taken back to a time in my life when it was a struggle just to stay up to see the ball drop in Times Square and Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin Eve (not Ryan or Carson's) ran the show. Inevitably, at around 12:30, just after the lip sinc-ers finished up their one hit wonders, Barry would come on and play this melancholic song: "It's Just Another New Year's Eve."

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Trey was found with a suspended New York driver's license, and allegedly was found with an assortment of prescription medications including hydrocodone, Percocet, Bathtub Gin and Xanax, which were prescribed for another person. That person? Suzy Greenberg.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Thursday, September 14, 2006

It was announced that Alanis Morissette will appear on three episodes of the FX drama "Nip/Tuck" later this fall. Starting October 31st, she can be seen playing a character named Poppy, a lesbian love interest for Dr. Liz Cruz (Roma Maffia), the anesthesiologist for plastic surgeons Sean McNamara (Dylan Walsh) and Christian Troy (Julian McMahon).

For those of you have not viewed the show, Nip/Tuck pushes boundaries, especially sexually. We'll see what they have in store for Ms. Morissette. Oh, and this is not the first time around that block for her either. Alanis previously guest-starred on "Sex and the City" back in 2000, playing a bisexual woman. Here's the clip, you perv...

Monday, September 11, 2006

Saturday, September 09, 2006

'Borat' Plays Anti-Semitism for Laughs. Just read this article on the upcoming movie. Does comedian Sacha Baron Cohen play anti-semitism for laughs? You bet he does, and he does a lot more than just that. Check out the trailer and see for yourself. Andy Kaufman would be proud of this one. I'm Just Sayin'

Can't wait till Sunday for your Simpsons fix? Tired of the reruns? See the first act of this season's premier by clicking on the image! Or if you really wanna get nerdy, check out the official Simpsons homepage here. I'm just D'ohin!

Amazon.com Review:Continuum is about as apt a title as it gets for John Mayer's third studio disc. Every element, from the peerless guitar playing to the plainspoken poetry of the lyrics to the breathy-sincere singing, makes a return from previous efforts. But to weakly pronounce this another worthwhile effort from an artist the world has come to expect a whole lot from and then call it a day would be no minor misdeed, because it's also the best, boldest disc he's ever made. Taking maturity as a theme throughout, Mayer tackles a batch of adulthood's bogeymen: indifference on the uptempo chart-climber "Waiting for the World to Change," aging on the melancholy-sweet "Stop This Train," and emotional trainwreckage on the big-rocking "In Repair." That's not to suggest he's turned overly introspective--check the Jimi Hendrix cover "Bold As Love," where he hits one home for guitarists who've been living in the shadow of legend everywhere, and the hard-charging "Belief," which benefits from a mesmerizing, liquid groove. Continuum may be the third in a series, but a creative cop-out this is not; Mayer is his generation's musical superman--powerful, unassailable, and magnetic. Hand that man a cape.

With two states down and only 48 to go, Sufjan Stevens' ambitious musical map of the Unites States of America should be completed -- if he puts out one a year -- sometime around 2053. It's a daunting task (and not an entirely original one at that), but if each subsequent record is as good as Illinois, fans who live long enough to witness the project's completion will no doubt find themselves to be scholars of both state history and its narrator's shape-shifting soul. Stevens' soulful folk epics, as played by his signature mini-orchestra, have changed little since his 2003 foray into Michigan -- a charge that may cause some grumbling among that album's detractors -- but there's a newfound optimism that runs through much of Illinois that echoes the state's "Gateway to the West" pioneering spirit. Glorious road trip-ready cuts like "The Man of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts," "Come On! Feel the Illinoise!," and "Chicago" have an expansiveness that radiates with the ballast of history and the promise of new beginnings. Stevens has done his research, with references to everyone from Abe Lincoln, Frank Lloyd Wright, and the ghost of Carl Sandburg to John Wayne Gacy -- the latter provides one the song cycle's most affecting moments. The lush (yet still distinctly lo-fi) indie pop melodies draw as much from classic rock as they do progressive folk. "Jacksonville," with its four-chord banjo lurch, mines "Old Man"-era Neil Young, disco strings dance around "They Are Night Zombies!! They Are Neighbors!! They Have Come Back from the Dead!! Ahhhh!," while the rousing pre-finale "The Tallest Man, the Broadest Shoulders" is pure Peanuts-infused Vince Guaraldi as filtered through the ambiguous kaleidoscope of Danielson Famile spiritualism. There's a distinct community theater vibe to the whole affair that may or may not be the result of numerous photo shoots in which the players are dressed in adult-style Boy Scout uniforms -- it brings to mind the Blaine Players from Christopher Guest's small-town theater parody Waiting for Guffman -- but the majority of Illinois is alarmingly earnest. Stevens may be a snake-oil salesman, but he's got pretty good stuff, and like many of history's most untrustworthy wordsmiths, he somehow manages to switch the opportunist off and turn on the human being each time the listener gets suspicious of his intentions.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

The ingredients -- electronic beats, dub, soft Brazilian tones, sitars, and women singing in foreign languages -- are entirely the same, but Thievery Corporation have never sounded so genuine. Despite the same old sound and a busy release schedule leading up to it, The Cosmic Game comes across as fresh as a debut and surprisingly indifferent toward being the in thing. What it is is music for music's sake, all laid out with the utmost care, giving listeners a fully thought-out album that makes the "forward" button on your CD player purposeless. Effortlessly flowing from the indie-grooving "Marching the Hate Machines (Into the Sun)" with the Flaming Lips to reggae to samba to psychedelia and beyond, the album is trimmed of all fat. Instrumentals with clever grooves sometimes overstayed their welcome on previous Thievery albums, but here they're whittled down to interludes when need be and positioned as chillout segues between the more striking numbers. The druggy, Perry Farrell-inna-reggae-style "Revolution Solution" is one of these stunners, but the superstars don't own all the highlights. As dank, Jamaican-flavored horns echo into the distance, siren Sista Pat lures listeners into the deep world of "Wires and Watchtowers" while soulful crooner Notch takes things uptown on the cool "Amerimacka" before the Corp turn the tune into one of their stickiest dub outings yet. The pleasant "The Heart's a Lonely Hunter" deserves mention because David Byrne guests on vocals, and while it's very good, it's the most forgettable number on this outing. The track brings a very slight reminder of when Thievery Corporation have let ambition trump the meaningful and meaty, but the otherwise purposeful and certain Cosmic Game is so darkly delicious you have to admit it's their masterwork.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Given the short distance separating Audioslave's second album Out of Exile in 2005 and its third Revelations in 2006, it's easy to assume that the Rage Against The Machine/Soundgarden supergroup has finally turned into an actual working band -- either that or the group is working hard to get to the end of their contract so they can go their separate ways (a suspicion stoked by the flurry of Chris Cornell-centric press surrounding its release, including the announcement that he's recording a solo album and will be singing the theme song for the new James Bond film Casino Royale on his own). Whether or not either theory is proven true over time doesn't change the fact that Revelations builds upon Out of Exile, sounding even more like the work of a genuine band than its predecessor. In light of this record, Out of Exile feels driven by Cornell, which itself was a shift away from the Rage-driven debut. Here, the two are integrated fully into a distinctive sound, one that's tight and focused, one that's aggressive but not overly heavy. Also, Audioslave has become increasingly rhythm-driven instead of riff-driven; even on the slower songs and heavy rockers, the pulse and pull of the rhythm defines the song more than the riff. Given this emphasis on rhythm, it's not a surprise that Audioslave displays an overt funk and soul influence here, ranging from the hard funk of "One and the Same" to the Motown homage of "Original Fire." This not only makes Revelations sound like the result of a working band, one that likes to jam together, but it also gives it a lighter feel in its tone, a feeling that Cornell runs with on his lyrics and singing, which is considerably less tortured and brooding than before. All this doesn't necessarily make Revelations a fun album -- making music is serious work for Audioslave and they expect the same from their audience -- but it does make for their most colorful, diverse and consistent record yet.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The anthemic indie rock sound of Snow Patrol provides a bit of hope and promise among the many acts attempting to fit into a certain genre or scene. Snow Patrol belong to their own scene, and their third album, 2004's Final Straw, proved that with several global hit singles such as "Run," "Chocolate," "How to Be Dead," and the reissue of "Spitting Games." British fans once more proclaimed their beloved Snow Patrol as a true rock & roll band while American audiences finally took notice of the Scottish collective. The band's fourth album, Eyes Open, doesn't fall short from where they left off; in fact, Snow Patrol's hungry rock sound only gets bigger and better this time around. All guitar hooks and singalong choruses are firmly in place. Gary Lightbody is an underrated frontman. On Eyes Open, he once again writes songs that are from the heart and true to self-reflection without getting too sappy and too overjoyed. From the playful name-dropping of Sufjan Stevens on "Hands Open" to their passionate delivery on "It's Beginning to Get to Me" and "Shut Your Eyes," Snow Patrol's approach is epic. They are the kind of band that embrace simplicity as beautiful and human flaws as art. The lullaby-like "You Could Be Happy" and the passionate buildup of "Make This Go on Forever" are evident of that. This 11-song set is a masterpiece, so keep your ears and eyes open for Snow Patrol. They're onto something big.

Ever since the beginning of their career, U2 had a sense of purpose and played on a larger scale than their peers, so when they stumbled with the knowing rocktronica fusion of 1997's Pop -- the lone critical and commercial flop in their catalog -- it was enough to shake the perception held among fans and critics, perhaps even among the group itself, that the band was predestined to always be the world's biggest and best rock & roll band. Following that brief, jarring stumble, U2 got back to where they once belonged with All That You Can't Leave Behind, returning to the big-hearted anthems of their '80s work. It was a confident, cinematic album that played to their strengths, winning back the allegiance of wary fans and critics, who were eager to once again bestow the title of the world's biggest and best band upon the band, but all that praise didn't acknowledge a strange fact about the album: it was a conservative affair. After grandly taking risks for the better part of a decade, U2 curbed their sense of adventure, consciously stripping away the irony that marked every one of their albums since 1991's Achtung Baby, and returning to the big, earnest sound and sensibility of their classic '80s work. How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb, the long-awaited 2004 sequel to ATYCLB, proves that this retreat was no mere fling: the band is committed to turning back the clock and acting like the '90s never happened.

Essentially, U2 are trying to revirginize themselves, to erase their wild flirtation with dance clubs and postmodernism so they can return to the time they were the social conscience of rock music. Gone are the heavy dance beats, gone are the multiple synthesizers, gone are the dense soundscapes that marked their '90s albums, but U2 are so concerned with recreating their past that they don't know where to stop peeling away the layers. They've overcorrected for their perceived sins, scaling back their sound so far that they have shed the murky sense of mystery that gave The Unforgettable Fire and The Joshua Tree an otherworldly allure. That atmospheric cloud has been replaced with a clean, sharp production, gilded in guitars and anchored with straight-ahead, unhurried rhythms that never quite push the songs forward. This crisp production lacks the small sonic shadings that gave ATYCLB some depth, and leaves How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb showcasing U2 at their simplest, playing direct, straight-ahead rock with little subtlety and shading in the production, performance, or lyrics. Sometimes, this works to the band's detriment, since it can reveal how familiar the Edge's guitar has grown or how buffoonish Bono's affectations have become (worst offender: the overdubbed "hola!" that answers the "hello" in the chorus of "Vertigo"). But the stark production can also be an advantage, since the band still sounds large and powerful. U2 still are expert craftsmen, capable of creating records with huge melodic and sonic hooks, of which there are many on HTDAAB, including songs as reassuring as the slyly soulful "Sometimes You Can't Make It on Your Own" and the soaring "City of Blinding Lights," or the pile-driving "All Because of You." Make no mistake, these are all the ingredients that make How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb a very good U2 record, but what keeps it from reaching the heights of greatness is that it feels too constrained and calculated, too concerned with finding purpose in the past instead of bravely heading into the future. It's a minor but important detail that may not matter to most listeners, since the record does sound good when it's playing, but this conservatism is what keeps HTDAAB earthbound and prevents it from standing alongside War, The Joshua Tree, and Achtung Baby as one of the group's finest efforts.

Friday, September 01, 2006

It was bound to happen, nobody upstages the Donald. NBC announced Thursday that Donald Trump has fired his real life executive, and "Lady Di" TV sidekick, Carolyn Kepcher. According to reports, Carolyn was spending more time working on her celebrity status than the Trump golf courses she ran, and that kind of stuff just doesn't make good business sense.

"Donald and I had different visions for my future role in the company." she said. I guess her vision included continued employment by the Trump organization, and co-starring on his television show "The Apprentice." Trump's vision did not. He incorporated larger roles for his kids on the show last season. Don't worry though, Carolyn retained an agent with International Creative Management and, in 2004, published a book called "Carolyn 101: Business Lessons from 'The Apprentice's' Straight Shooter." She even tried to audition to replace "the Black seat" held by Star Jones on ABC's "The View," sources said. I guess Carolyn just ain't street enough for Babs and her yappin' yentas.

Hey Carolyn? The show is called "The Apprentice." Umm, did you ever realize even for a second that you were working on a game show where in essence the winner replaces you? I'm just sayin!

My guess is that in the long run, she'll have a better fate than the show that spawned her popularity. Did anyone watch "The Apprentice" last season? It died on Monday nights competing against CBS's powerhouse sitcom "Two And A Half Men." Although the promos of "From 'Huge' to 'Medium" were quite clever, even Trump couldn't on put his spin the ratings dip. Don't be surprised if NBC turns the table on Trump and uses his catchphrase against him. The show is obviously running out of steam, and this season looks like it's last... we hope.

No, he's not sick. Ok, perhaps he's sick, but like in a good way. I just got another single from Beck's new album "The Information," and it's called Nausea. Threw the CD single in my car and played it all afternoon. My review of the song can be done with a simple math equasion:

Check Plus for you if you're still with me. I love the song's pulse, from the refrain of "Rock On" right down to the background "Fee Fi Fo Fum's." Needless to say, I smell the blood of a hit song. I think you will too. I'm just sayin'

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Beck's new cd The Information is set for release on October 3rd by Interscope, and apparently is just a few fries short of being super-sized. We already knew about the color-form cover, but according to Billboard magazine, the album contains 15 tracks (the most songs on any Beck album to date) and a DVD featuring videos for each track. What, no toy?

Now if you are like me, and you just can't wait for the new CD to drop, enjoy for your consideration Beck's last two releases, "Guero" and it's re-mixed companion piece "Guerolito." Click on the album art below for the link.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Heya folks, I just wanted to update you on the topics some of my previous posts.

Stereogum has the two new Eddie Van Halen songs available for downloading. Click here for the songs. Click here for my article on the guitarist/perv. Oh, and one more time, enjoy the dirty old man picture to the right.

Also, I found the Black Crowes double CD "The Lost Crowes" available for your consideration. Click here for my article on the album. Click on the album cover for the link. The password is: N!MrOd

Just a side note, it looks like Katie and Chris might be getting back together, despite those persistent rumors of her affair with Owen Wilson. I told you not to let her out of the house wearing that! I'm just sayin!

Well kids, somebody had to call notice to it, and it looks like I'm the one that is up to the task. The Emmys were held Sunday night, and while I am disappointed that Steve Carrel of "The Office" lost his category, I am overjoyed that the Hollywood community as a whole has finally been taken down a notch. You see, the IRS has decided that all those swanky gift bags given freely to the privileged few who are nominated, win, or even present an award on these shows are considered income, and therefore it is taxable.

Which brings me to our Wednesday feature: Punch or Lunch. Today it is all about actress, Tia Carrere.

Tia was quoted in an article recently on the topic of the taxable gift bag. While eyeing racks of free clothing she said this: "I am feeling guiltily gluttonous. The big question on everybody's mind is, are we going to pay taxes? I probably shouldn't say this, it sounds whiny, but we pay so much already, why should we pay more?"

PUNCH!

Tia, you ignorant slut. You've made millions of dollars flaunting your ample bosom and making really bad movies. Yet somehow, amazingly, you keep working. It is apparent that you really have no idea how lucky you are. Ever care to think for a moment that there are people out there in the "real" world who earn in a whole year what you get for free from just one of those "celebrity outreach" events at the Emmy swag suite? The IRS should make you pay double for what you said, you doof. You really wanna complain about paying just the tax on a free$15,000 trip to Cabo San Lucas, free plastic surgery, free iPods, and free designer jeans, and perfumes? You are an actress (and I use that term refrerring to you with great suspicion), you get paid obscene amounts of money to do very little in return. So does your quote sound whiny? You bet your reconstructed ass is does, and for that, you deserve a punch... a free punch.

Think I'm sounding a little bit upset? Here is a picture of the gift bag given out at the Emmys by Entertainment Tonight/People Magazine, you be the judge. Now mind you, this bag was given out in addition to the official bag of the Emmys!

"From the hottest Emmy Party of the year comes this one-of-a-kind gift bag that went to celebs such as Eva Longoria, Felicity Huffman, Sandra Oh, Meghan Mullaly, and Charlie Sheen to name a few. Continuing in the tradition of providing the most coveted gift bag, guests left the ET Emmy Party with this exclusively designed Cole Haan "Weekender" bag, set to retail for $400 this fall in Cole Haan boutiques. And that's just for the bag!

Ugh. I'm nausious. Does Eva Longoria really need more free crap? Isn't the hit show and the basketball boyfriend enough? I'm just sayin'

Hey Tia? I know you are likely so self centered that you only read the parts of the article that involved you, but I think that you, as well as my readers, might wanna check this part out: "Randy Wayne, a 25-year-old actor who moved to California from Oklahoma a few years ago, reflected on the strangeness of it all, even as he was being offered his pick of Coby electronic toys at Melanie Segal's suite. "I feel awkward taking things- like, my God, I can have a gift?" said Wayne, who will play a young Luke Duke in "Dukes of Hazzard 2." But they want you to have it and they want you to talk about it. It's funny, because when you can finally afford it, it's free."

Telling quote ain't it?

So...next week's topic? Punch Or Lunch: The Makers of "Dukes of Hazzard 2" Aww to hell with it, let's just punch them too.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Heya loyal readers, here is some video footage just uploaded from Monday night's Zero 7 concert at the Hollywood Bowl! Watch them in order to get the full experience, and yes, each take begins with a repeat of their introduction, you're not hallucinating. When you come down, go read my review, I'm just sayin'.....

Monday, August 28, 2006

Last night I had the good fortune to see Zero 7 and friends perform at the famed Hollywood Bowl. For those of you who read my past article lamenting the Bowl (The Flaming Lips Show), you should take solace in knowing that not every show there is like that. For this chilled, down-tempoed concert, the audience (at least from where I was seated) toned down the Trader Joe's and actually paid attention to the acts.

I do have one question though. Why was Zero 7 not the headliner? That distinction belonged to the Gotan Project, a band who does not nearly have the same rep in this country as Zero 7. Because of this, the band, who already is a rarity to see on the road, played what seemed like an abbreviated set, lasting only an hour and fifteen minutes. Zero 7 was done by 9:15pm. Shame.

But what a glorious set it was. Last night Zero 7 was fronted by two very distinct lead vocalist, Sia, the chanteuse, and Jose Gonzalez, the Swedish folkie. When not singing, Sia danced like a flapper from the roaring '20s and when it was her turn to the mic, she took it with the raw emotion of a torch song singer, and played it all the way to the back row. We were mesmerized. Gonzalez provided introspection to the songs he worked on, and was a nice change to Sia's theatrics. Throw in some of Zero 7's trademark instrumentals, and you have a recipe for a wonderful show. I'm just sayin' it wasn't long enough!

I found this television appearance of the band performing "Somersault" on You Tube. I think it will give you a better idea of what they are all about, and for your consideration I've posted 2 songs. The first song is a live version of a song found on "Simple Things" called Destiny with Sia on vocals, and a remix of Future, a song off of their current album entitled "The Garden," which features Gonzalez.

This week saw interesting phenomenon come to my attention, something called "the Madden Generation." While there maybe generations labeled X,Y, and whatevah, there is also a cross generation of people who have played video games throughout their entire lives. Not just any video game either. Of course I am talking about EA Sports' version of football headlined by the Hall Of Fame coach John Madden. The most recent addition to the franchise is entitled NFL Madden 07, and was released earlier this week to much hooplah.

Jesus, even I still have my Madden 91 for Sega Genesis laying around. If you play nothing but sports video games like me, you likely have one of the versions of it laying around too. I sound like an old fart that complains about walking to school uphill both ways (in the snow) when I say that I go so far back with Madden that I can claim that we didn't play from left to right, we played from top to bottom and bottom to top! And we liked it!You kids today with your left-thumbstick! We had a D-Pad, and just one of them mind you! And we were happy. You kids get to decide play patterns, control the pass, juke moves, oh, new to this year's model you get to be an offensive lineman? We were lucky if we could even control the wide receiver!

What's funny is that inevitably one of you reading this a Tecmo Bowl guy and totally doesn't get what I'm talking about. But you do remember sitting in front of the tv for hours after school with your one buddy playin vids. You had the Atari 2600 or Intellivison, then you got either your Colecovision or waited till Nintendo, the premier system of it's dayto play. You graduated from that to your Sega Genesis, where Madden really took off. From there you started college and was ready for the Playstation, all the while your faithful EA Sports released a new version of your favorite football game every year. Now, you're out of college, worn out your PS2, X-Box, and moved on to the 360. Guess what? The 07 is there for ya, and BOOM! You my friend are a member of the "Madden Generation."Well now-a-days, these games have gotten outta hand. Music has played a key role in recent versions of the game. It is a sign of prestige for some acts to have their song appear on the popular game, and in recent years the lineup of well known stars has increased tremendously. 2005's version boasted "American Idiot" by Green Day, which later on went to win the Grammy. Coincidence? This year's model is no exception to the trend. Included on the soundtrack to NFL Madden 07 are such artists such well known artists as Audioslave, Keane, and Wolfmother.

But what about the game itself? Looks cool, right? Well, reviews have been mixed at best. Most reviews have said that the game seems to be the same as last year. If there is anything I hate more about a game that comes out yearly is that they didn't make enough improvements. Some have said it might even be a step back because it is harder to operate the receivers. Oh well. At least I can live easier knowing that a new model is only a year away. I'm just sayin'

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Next month NBC's "Saturday Night Live" will begin it's 32nd season, and it will be without at least a third of last year's cast. Cast members Chris Parnell, Horatio Sanz and Kenan Thompson have been fired, along with the already announced departures of Tina Fey and Rachel Dratch. Word is still out as to wether or not impresario Darrell Hammond will be offered a contract, so keep those dreams of more Donald Trump "Dominios" commercial parodies on hold. Fey and Dratch are set to star in "30 Rock," an Office-like comedy that marks the series televsion debut of Alec Baldwin, and his schweaty balls.

Even Weekend Update will be getting a makeover. Returning cast memeber Amy Poehler will not be handling the duties as a solo correspondent, that job has now been given to relative newcomer, Jason Sudeikis (pictured right).

Speaking of Sudeikis, it looks like the cast has been completely Samberg-tized, and I am worried that producer Lorne Michaels has made the same mistake he made years ago when the cast transformed from the Mike Meyers/Dana Carvey years to the Adam Sandler/David Spade era...a move to a more stupid frat guy comedy. What the show doesn't need is more bits about eating lettuce Lorne. I'm just sayin'

Where is the "glue?" And by that, I mean who fills in the Ackroyd/Hartman role? This is why I am most upset about the departure of Parnell. By the way? This is actually the second time he's been fired from the show. Hopefully he will return, cause that guy is talented. Umm, wasn't he in the only big thing that came out of SNL last season? And by that I am referring to the short film "Lazy Sunday?" Bad move Lorne, "Merv the Perv" coulda been your next big movie! Fire Seth Meyers instead, that guy's a stiff!

And finally, we wave goodbye to Horatio Sanz. He will always be remembered as the fat guy who laughed on camera with Jimmy Fallon and stuck out his tongue waaaaay too much. Yes, his Elton John was dead on, and his "Gobi" will always be a "hit" with the stoner crowd. So with that, here is one of good ol Horatio's finest moments from last season, "It's Carol!"

Heya folks, it's time for the second installment of "Punch or Lunch." It features people and things who I either want to punch or buy lunch. Here we go!

Greg Behrendt, comedian, author, talk show host. Punch or Lunch?Dude, this guy needs a punch. Seriously. Someone stop this guy. Somehow Behrendt has managed to turn a marginally funny stand up routine into a self-help book, a spot on Oprah, and as a host of his own syndicated talk show where he speaks on behalf of the average guy. How did we let this douche represent us? Did I miss a meeting? For those of you who don't know, Greggy is the author of "He's Just Not That Into You," a book that supposedly "reveals" the secrets of what men are really thinking about the women they date. If you're interested in buying the book (and getting punched), it can be found in the "No Duh" section of your local bookstore.Lukas and Dilana from "Rockstar: Supernova" Punch or Lunch?Lunch! Throw in a shower too! These pixies rock. Dilana is shaping up as the frontrunner to win the coveted spot to be the lead singer of Tommy Lee's latest project to suck, "Supernova," and Lukas (Don't call me Lucca Brazzi) Rossi is shaping up for a fine solo career as long as "The Killers" remain popular. Together these two are the most entertaining contestants on an otherwise bland show. Let's be honest here, they barely stack up to the final five from last season's "Rockstar: INXS." Me? I'll take Jordis and Marty (listen to "Trees" below) over anybody from this season, but ya gotta give it up for these two smurfs. Just how tall are they? When they stand next to Brooke Burke (see side), they pale in comparison, and Brook is a small woman! Side note: Nice crotch shot Dilana. You let your website publish that? Damn girl! Oh, and is it me or can you just picture her passed out naked in a bathtub with a needle hanging from her arm? Now that's rock n roll!

PUNCH! There are three things wrong with the above picture. The first thing wrong with the picture is that the shelves are stocked with product to sell. The second thing is that the employee of Best Buy actually looks like he knows what he is talking about. And finally, the third thing wrong with this picture is that he is even in it! Have you tried to buy anything from "Best Buy" lately? Good luck with that amigo. Unless you know exactly what you want, and you can find it yourself, don't even bother going through the front door. They seem to be more concerned with checking your receipt as you exit the store than helping you decipher which DVD recorder is best for your home. Here is Best Buy's idea of customer service: