Happy Valentine's Day, especially to those of you whom no one loves! At least not in the kind of way that makes them want to do things to you when you're naked. For all of you, and anyone who enjoys infidelity, we've got something you need. It's a full-page spread in Saturday's SF Chronicle – a paper doll activity that allows you to create your very own lover. Each one comes with a short biography, like this:

FRANCIS He won a bowling trophy once (in his church raffle), so you’ll literally be dating an award winner! When you introduce him, say, “This is my award-winning date.” But if anyone asks what the award was for, quickly change the subject. Because sometimes that trophy is all Francis seems to talk about.

So if you're in the Bay Area, pick up a copy of the Chronicle and fall in love with a paper-mate for only 50 cents!