November 07, 2008

Wrestless

So I've been feeling "wrestless". I know...it's spelled "restless". But right now, my spelling fits the occasion better. I feel like something has seriously shifted since the election. Certainly in the country, and likely the world, but also in me. And I'm just having a time "wrestling" with certain thoughts and things. (See what I mean about "wrestless"?)

Without elaborating on any one thing specifically, I've just started to reexamine this blog. Basically, there are some things, personal things, that I think about getting off my chest here. Some things I find upsetting. But things that I think bear some addressing. I just don't know if this is the right place to do it? But then think this is the perfect place to do it! In short, I don't know what I want to do in this immediate moment.

I really like to keep things toward the positive at the Bedlam. Fun, silly, inspiring, light, etc. But this blog is still connected to "me", a person, a life...and as we all well know life is a mixed multitude of moments and feelings. Some close to me say I should keep private things private but that is there own perspective on the subject of privacy, really, not me. I am not particularly private as a person. Of course, that is not to say that I keep nothing private...I understand the concept of boundaries in social circumstances. You're okay there, Kids. The question is not if I should edit, but what should I edit. And I am in a very grey area on that one at the moment.

Now don't go and start worrying that the Bedlam has taken a turn for the worse. My fondness and appreciation for all things aesthetically pleasing is and forever will be ongoing! Afterall, it's all the beauty and frivolity that give me hope and appreciation for the world. But, let's face it, life isn't always sunshine...but does that mean there couldn't be illumination by the moon?

17 comments:

Oh Beefy. I heart you no matter what you post...and I totally get it. I try to keep the Bee upbeat at all costs. But it is about my life, at the end of the day, which is why I let you guys in on some of my innermost thoughts and craziness. You could write about the pills on the bottom of your socks and I'd still find it interesting, cause it's coming from you:) xx

I read your blog probably the most often out of all the blogs I read and the reason is your personality. So many blogs have gorgeous posts and awesome discoveries but are super impersonal. Yours has all that AND your wit, and comments, and moods. I LIKE it. -C

OMG I've been struggling with my train of thought for the last two days and wondering whether to write about it (i'm also putting this down in part to the momentous week past) but strange that you should be thinking similarly.I would like you to do whatever you want, it's your blog/life, whatever you decide I'm sure we will all still be following.Jan x

Life is so full of contradiction too. Our perspectives change and so do our feelings about things. When people feel confused about what to say or do it's usually not because they don't know what they think they should say or do. It's because they are worried about what others think... Why should they way I feel be dictated by the thoughts in someone else's head?Go ahead and "leave your comfort zone".Challenge=Transformation

it is your space beefy & we love all you have to say. we come here to see what beautiful things you've found, but mostly to see what the infamous uncle is feeling, thinking & what sort of mood he might be in. take care.

i'm forced to think of divine in hairspray, sitting on the couch in her house dress, "it's the times. they are a-changin'. something's blowing in the wind. fetch me my diet pills, would you? "

I think about this a lot. My blog is at the mercy of my moods and whims and deep reflections and silly giddiness. I wear the pants in my relationship with my blog, it doesn't dictate the content to me. That said, I have thought about what this costs me (in terms of readership, in terms of feeling vulnerable).

In the end, be yourself. Your blog marks itself out because of YOUR integrity and originality. And that will continue, write what you may!

hmmmmI understand wanting to keep things upbeat. of course. who doesn't love that? And this is a blog about gorgeous things, but life isn;t always sunny and happy.I think part of the change is that we are all tired of tip-toeing around things that are ugly yet very real(racism, inequality of all kinds, the large numbers of people in the world enduring injustice and bone crushing poverty). We as Americans are so privileged. We who spend so much time finding that perfect silk screened pillow for our tasteful sofa - SO LUCKY!I think for the past eight years, tacking on a smile and carrying on was a survival tactic.Skimming the surface is so last Monday. It is time to dive deep.~Love.

I too have struggled with this question. I do think its important to remain positive and hopeful and that readers respond to that more than ranting and complaints...but life isn't all sugar is it? Its a tough call, and I also think that being honest and open offers many rewards-maybe in unexpected encouragement or opportunities etc etc. I know I'll be reading along either way.

I understand. I do. Even as I write this, I keep deleting and starting again. You know what my blog's focus is and you also know that it is also my job, my business, my livelyhood. These are important times and I'm happy and proud, but I mostly remain quiet. I understand. I really do.

Bring on the dark side! Or just a greyish reality, because unalleviated lightness always seems a bit suspicious. Whenever and wherever I can find gallows humour these days, I'm relieved. Beautiful photograph by the way.