” ‘It’s just… ‘Not Really’… Stop using those words! and be straight with me!” The frustration has been unleashed not caring if anyone hears.

“If you have someone else… I’d rather know now… and be done with it.” I said, my voice breaking.

“I’m not with someone else! I just said I might! and I’m telling you this because if that happens, you won’t be so… ‘this’ .”

“You’re asking for a free pass… is that it?” I asked, expecting the worst.

“Not really…”, You answered. Ugh.

I asked you, “Do you still love me?”

You answered with a hearty “Yes of course!”

My heart relaxed for a moment and then you added “but..”

You were torturing me… and you made me feel I deserve it tenfold. Maybe I do deserve it. Then I asked you if you if you still wanted to do this… coz I know I do.

When I met you, you were a man who had kindness, awesome sense of humor and most importantly, a one-woman attitude. That’s how I knew you. I reveled in it so much that I forgot, despite how morally straight you are (or seemed to be), that you are still a man… a man who has weakness… a man who can make mistakes.

I was supposed to be the broken one… the one who had and did a lot of damage. You were supposed to be the good one… the one who chose to love a broken being despite its flaws. The one who put the pieces back together and still loved it, cracks and all. I’ve been watching too many teleseryes and see… no… saw you as this perfect person. I forgot that you are still human.

You continued in saying lots of “I love you”, “if we’re meant to be together, then we will end up together.” That’s just another way of saying “I’m done with this, but if we ever bump into each other we might be cool with it.”

What I got from 500 pesos worth of load was:

1. You want to have cool-off to explore your freedom.

2. You want me to be OKAY with this cool-off and wait for you to come back to pick up where we left off.

3. You’ll still love me even if we’re on a “cool-off”

4. That I am a despicable human being, but “Not really.”

Is this your revenge? I hope not… coz you’re better than that.

Am I sorry for what I did to you back then? YES.

Do I love you? ABSOLUTELY.

Do I want to grow old with you. WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING.

Those are called “straight answers.”

Now, give me some. None of that “but”, “not really” crap.

I was straight with you when it happened… willing to accept whatever you would’ve wanted. You chose to give me one last chance and that we’ll move on. I deserve that second chance and I am determined to earn your trust again… no matter how long it takes.

Now, you be straight with me. Decide. Whatever it is… I’ll learn to live with it if it’s what you truly want.