Students Fight for Interviews in Siemens and Lockheed Martin Underground Deathmatch

Stallion reporters have confirmed that the Siemens Corporation will continue their annual internship deathmatch ritual this year as part of an ongoing partnership with Lockheed Martin. According to sources in both company’s Human Resources departments, the “Engineering Fight Night” is usually held before Halloween so students can fight for the coveted spring internship spots. This years’ Fight Night – also variously called Internmania, Graveyard on Corporate Boulevard, Innovation Intimidation, and Clash at Siemenshead – will be held October 31st in the Siemens’ Quad II basement. Event announcements can only be found on the dark web, but our team managed to get a screenshot from a computer in the Harris Senior Design lab. The digital flier advertises “$15 ringside seats,” “no holds barred,” and “professional dress required.”Emergency responders shed some light on previous Fight Nights. For Fight Night ’15, the floor was covered in a soapy residue, making it impossible for the contestants to reach the interviewers and fend for their lives. For Fight Night ’16, there was a cornucopia of weapons available for fighters: crossbows, fencing swords, and a single 3D printer. Our team reached out to previous Fight Night interviewees to learn more about the event. Most students refused to meet with our staff, experiencing PTSD-esque flashbacks whenever the word “interview” was brought up in conversation, but we were able to meet a few undergrads who were able to open up.“I went last year and it was horrible,” said senior Jorge “The Maniac” Rivera. “There was blood everywhere. All our dress shirts were drenched in sweat and ripped to shreds. Our briefcases were imprinted with our fellow classmates’ heads. One student even used his resumes to inflict papercuts in the final rounds. I’ve never seen anything like it.” While many students have been traumatised by past events, others are ready for round two. “Are you kidding? I’ve been waiting all year for this!” said Fight Night enthusiast Bobby “Meatgrinder” Paulson. “I thought the Starter Riot back in September would tide me over, but that event is not what the name suggests.”“We’ve definitely gotten some push back from the public about this tradition, but the job market is tough these days. You have to weed out people who can’t make the cut,” said Lockheed Martin PR spokesman Tyler Andrew. “Frankly, if you can’t bring yourself to kill a stranger for a paycheck, you’re not cut out for defense contracts.”However, there are unicorns in every graduating class who are often exempt from this ritual. “I don’t need to participate in the fight club,” senior Adam Sly said. “My mom works for Lockheed Martin so I’m all set.” Sly has already several death threats from fellow students. The Stallion has been unable to get into contact with Sly since our interview, though our office received an anonymous tip from the UCF engineering department that he had taken a “bucket-kicking” internship downtown.

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