Independent Womens Day: For those whom I love and admire

Almost twelve years ago, I inadvertently found myself a member of a club that no Mother wants to be a part of. I found myself in the company of women, just like me, dealing with the loss of a baby. And what started off as a group of complete strangers has, over the course of the last decade, given us the opportunity to get to know each other, to support and advise each other, to listen, encourage, and forge friendships which I know will last the distance.

We are all so very different, there are no two of us the same, different ages, different circumstances, geographically poles apart, and yet all with one thing in common: we are Mothers, missing our children, simply looking for a way to survive.

There have been times over the years, when I have credited these women with saving my life. In those early days, when I couldn’t imagine living with the pain for even a moment longer, these girls held out their hands and walked beside me. During those long, dark nights when my arms physically ached for a baby to hold, they were there, with open arms, guiding me through. When I felt like giving up, when my whole world was falling apart around me, they offered me words of encouragement, of love and support, and reminded me how far I had come.

And the thing that resonates so loudly is that not only were these women dealing with their own loss, and their own pain, but they added my burden to their load and carried it with strength and determination. When one of us faltered we helped each other back up and, slowly but surely, made baby steps in the right direction.

Over the years life has dealt some devastating blows to myself and these women, the loss of more children, the breakdown of relationships, infertility, the loss of parents, gruelling battles with cancer and truly life changing moments. At the same time we have seen eachother through proposals and marriage, through pregnancies and babies, and we have watched each other grow from strength to strength with nothing but love and admiration.

Together we have shared something that no Mother should ever have to experience, bound together by the invisible strings of sorrow. We have shared every thought in our heads, said out loud the unspoken; we have never judged, never questioned, never forgotten those darkest moments which led us to each other. When we remember our babies we no longer think of just the child we lost, but of all of the babies whom we lost together. It has been a small comfort over the years, in such an expanse of pain, to think that our children may have each other in just the same way that we do.

And together we did something which at one time we deemed the impossible.

We have survived.

Because, although we may never be the women we once were, or live the life we so hoped to live, together we can survive just about anything. And today, on Independent Women’s Day, these women, and any Mother who lives a life without her child, they are my superheroes.

What an amazing quote that last one is, It’s so true that the power of women and the power of friendship is a wonderful one. A really good group of friends can get you through anything. Thanks so much for linking up two great posts with us. #bigpinklink

An amazing and powerful post. I was trying to think of something to write for International Women’s Day, but I just couldn’t get the post right in my head to say what I wanted to say. This completely nails it, I think. #twinklytuesday

Thank youfor sharing this. There are very few people who have not felt this over welming feeling of loss , who have wondered how they are going to get through the next hour , day , year. And as women we are normally the ones that have TO BE BRAVE and carry on , and support every one else. I am so happy that you all had each other to cling to and get the support you all needed.

It’s an awful thing you all had to go through but I am glad you all found each other and helped each other through the bad times. I love your quote about strong women being the ones where things didn’t work out and they coped, I think it is spot on. #bestandworst
Debbie

There is no blogger who can break my heart the way you do. And that’s a compliment. If I ever meet you, I’m giving the hugest hug and not letting go for a while. Lovely Laura. How you ‘bashed this out’ as you said on my FB page despite being ill, I do not know. Every word of pain is a gem. #TwinklyTuesday & #BestAndWorst

It is so nice to hear of a support network for moms who have experienced loss. It seems so taboo to discuss, and I have heard so many times that you can never truly understand the pain and sorrow involved until you (unfortunately) experience it yourself. A support network is the perfect way for all moms involved begin the healing process, and its nice you all stayed in touch throughout life’s dealings. You and your group are such strong mama’s. The quote at the end is one of my favourites!
#PoCoLo
Torihttp://www.themamanurse.com

What a beautifully written post, with fabulous quotes – so true. Friend’s make all the difference and the best friend’s really pull us through everything, every sleepless night and every down day. Thanks for sharing on #TheBabyFormula

So powerful and full of truth. I love the quotes you chose. Beautiful. And thank goodness for support groups of all kinds for those of us who need them when our strength resides just a bit. I love being a woman and I hope that if anything I teach my daughters to love being them too. Thanks so much for your wonderful support and linking up with #momsterslink. :))

That’s the main thing isn’t it? Women sticking together and supporting eachother in life. I love being a woman too, I love my girlfriends and the way in which we are always there for eachother no matter what. Makes me very proud and I hope that my daughters grow the same way. Thanks for hosting. xxx

Such a lovely tribute to all the women who have shared the difficult times with you. Thank for this powerful and inspiring post. And I love the quote as it is so so true. Happy Women’s Day. Thank you so much for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost

Thank you so much. They are amazing women, I have really been blessed with such an amazing support network, even if it was in such sad circumstances. Thanks for hosting, will see you again this week! 😘

A beautiful post and what lovely things you have said about other women too. I’m so glad you had the support you needed and it’s great that you’re there for those women too.
Thanks for linking to #PoCoLo

This is such a beautiful post Laura and a great tribute to those ladies who have been there for you. Such a great message to shout about on this day, hopefully more women will be there for each other through reading your post x

Beautifully written as always. I have a friend who helped me more than she will ever know when I had a miscarriage. She had been through it previously and was a complete emotional rock when it felt like no one else understood. x

I just love this post. I am sorry about your loss but I am glad you found people to help you through it. Women should always band together. I hate when women argue over petty things because I know we’re so much better than that.

Laura I cried my way through this. I think you are such a strong, inspiring, incredible person and this is so beautifully written. I can’t imagine what all of you must have been through, but I think it’s so amazing that you have all found each other and you’re all there for each other. xxx

Ahh Chloe, thank you so much. I think its so important to look for the positives amongst so much sadness, and these ladies are the best thing to come out of a really devastating situation. Thank you for reading. xxx

I am so sorry for your loss. That is something no parent should ever have to go through. I’m grateful you have had these women to stand by you through your hard times. Everyone needs people like that in their lives!

Something wonderful happens when women come together like this. In the face of so much sadness and loss, we manage to bring each other hope and comfort and strength, and I think we can do anything with that sort of support behind us. x #KCACOLS

This truly is such a beautiful post. Recently I’ve stumbled across a couple of vloggers documenting their way through their child losses and conception struggles and my heart aches for each and every one and each night I squeeze my children a little tighter than usual. It is so cruel that these things happen to the greatest of people and so easy for others to take their pregnancies and babies for granted. Thankyou for sharing your story and helping others, it’s lovely that you were able to find other wonderful women to help you through 🙂 #KCACOLS

Thank you Amie. It’s devastating that it happens so frequently, it breaks my heart to hear of another Mum without her child. I was very lucky to have an amazing, supportive group of ladies around me, I just wish that we had met in better circumstances. xx

You know… as a straight white male I am so happy that things are starting to shift and focus on the appreciation of other genders, races, and creeds. I think women are amazing and articles like this only help to empower them more. Fantastic job 🙂

What a beautiful post. I’m so sorry you’ve all had to go through something we all never want to experience to find each other. It sounds like you have a wonderful support network. Beautifully written as always. 💜

Very uplifting story you have im sorry for your loss. I love to being around women who inspired each other. Im trying to conceive for years now. Im keeping my faith high but sometimes i feel frustrated.

No pain can be greater than the loss of a child. I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this. I wish nobody gets to suffer in this manner. And I am so glad that all of the strong women together stood by each other in their toughest of times and came out even stronger.

That’s so great of you to have found such a great set of women together who have been able to lift you up and raising your spirits. I can’t even begin to understand how difficult what you have gone through is. And I’m so happy you have found each other.

Oh Laura this is such a lovely post. Beautifully written, I’m so sorry you all had to go through that but so glad you all found each other. Thank you so much for linking up with us for #kcacols and we hope to see you next time.

This is such a lovely and heartwarming post. This year has really shown me how strong us women can be as my Aunt was diagnosed with Breast cancer and beat it.. so I have to say this post did make me shed a tear. I’m so glad you were all able to support each other thru such a upsetting time for you all. xx

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WELCOME!!

Hi, my name is Laura. Blogger, wife and Mummy to five very special children - Lewis 13, Eva 5, Megan 4, Harrison 3 and Joseph who lives forever in our hearts. I write about the ups and downs of family life, co-parenting, love, loss, and the subjects close to my heart - stillbirth, miscarriage and chronic illness. It's a pleasure to share it with you all.