"You just can't be good at it all.." (as a working mom)

I have a co-worker who often says things that get under my skin and/or make me feel bad about myself. She is mid-50's, has one grown son, and has told me many times she has a lot of regret about many aspects of her life.

While chatting this morning, she says the following "I just have so many regrets about not doing the mom thing right, you know, being a stay at home mom, my choice in men, etc. It's just impossible for a mom to be good at it all, you know what I mean?"

What is your take on this? I feel like an attitude like this sets us back several decades into the belief that moms can't "have it all". Sure, I may not have a glamorous career, but I have a good paying, steady job where I am respected, and I can honestly say I feel like I do a pretty good job at "it all", including spending time with my kids, and keeping my house semi-presentable. How do you all feel about this? Would you say you are good at it all??

We all have our days where it feels like there are too many balls in the air, and everything doesn't always run smoothly, but most of the working moms I know (close friends) really do have it all together and do a great job managing everything.

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I would say that I am good at it all, but not great. I could be putting in more hours at work and working towards a promotion, but I'm ok with the mommy track for now. I could be spending more time with my kids and doing more of the crazy ideas I see on Pinterest, but that's just not in the cards right now.

Honestly? I already have regrets. I wish I would have known when I was in college what juggling work and family would be like. I would have made totally different career decisions or would have been super frugal prior to having kids so that I could be a SAHM. I was always told that I could do it all and now that I'm trying to, I see that that was a lie.

I think some people do a better job at doing both, and some truly love working, but that's not me.

Unfortunately, I think she is right. Maybe it is the fact that I'm pregnant right now, but I try to juggle everything, and end up dropping everything. I can fake it to the best of my ability, but I don't get EVERY work project PERFECT, I don't make EVERY school event, my house isn't PERFECT ALL THE TIME. If I was JUST a career woman, all of my projects would be perfect and on time every single time. If I was a SAHM, I would make EVERY SINGLE SCHOOL EVENT. If I was a housewife, my house would be clean ALL THE TIME. When I strive for perfection in everything I do, I just end up falling short and dissappoint myself. I get done what needs to get done...that's it. I'm not "great" at anything.

I want to know, who's great at everything all the time? No one that I am close to is. We all are just doing the best we can. You probably can't be good at EVERYTHING all the time, so you have to pick and choose what you focus on depending on what's happening in your life and in your career.

I regret some decisions. I wish I had gone to a less expensive grad school, because my student loan debt is significant compared to my income. But I have made other good decisions. I was super, super tempted to quit working after I had my son even though it wouldn't have been financially prudent. But I didn't, and I am so glad I pushed through, because now that he is older I see how much better things are. Sure, I miss him and wish I could spend more time with him. But in 5 years I will have moved up in my field instead of having to start over, and I think that was the right choice for me.

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Married to the love of my life and so grateful for our June 2011 little guy!

What I'm not good at is "homemaking". I am an A plus mom and maybe a B plus at work lol. I am a failing grade at cleaning and cooking.

But that would be the case if I were a SAHM so that is why I am NOT one.

I absolutely 100% feel like I have it all.

Disclaimer: I have a nanny who I outsource all the bullcrap to. I don't feel like my kids miss out b/c she is with them for 2 hours when they get home from school instead of me, ridiculous. I also have a flexible schedule so I can go on any field trip, visit the classroom for something if I have to (as long as advanced notice), I'm very active in the PTA, I'm a class mom and run multiple events at the school. I am also a fulltime attorney and have a 2 1/2 hour commute total!

I'm still relatively new to this (I just have a 6 month old) but I sort of agree with the "you can and you can't" have it all. I can't give 100% to both my job and my family. I rush out of work when it's over to see my baby. We get takeout far too often instead of a "home cooked meal." There is a lot of dirty laundry in my house. I am not getting the kind of exercise I did before I was pregnant.

But I like working. My mom worked full time and I don't think she missed out on my life growing up. I had an awesome role model and want to be the same for my child. Plus, since I work we can afford all the take out.

I had to realize I wasn't going to do it all perfectly. That is the myth. But I think if I let go of that myth, don't compare myself to SAHMs or even other working moms and just focus on what's important then I can live with few regrets.

I'm not good at it all, at least not at the same time. That's impossible. Women can have it all, as in they should have all options available, but they can't have it all at the same time. It's about defining what's most important and being great, or at least good, at that and either letting the rest go or just being mediocre at it. So I guess I'm agreeing with what she's saying.

Sahm suck at providing for the family so they aren't doing great at everything either. I personally am sure that there are many women out there that are doing pretty good at everything. I guess it depends on the person. No one is perfect at everything all the time it just isn't possible. I think being pretty great at your life is possible when you are a mom and working.

^^^This is my question. When has anyone done everything right and gotten everything they want. You can't have it all, but I would like you to point out to me the person that does have it all. You always make sacrifices in life. One thing always gives for another. It's not a bad thing, its just life. I guess I could be somewhere else in my career but I am taking it slow these days and spending more time with my kids.

But what is "having it all"? To me, I don't place ANY value in having a clean house or laundry done. Heck my house looked like shit, I outsourced cleaning and laundry, and I ate takeout every night BEFORE I had kids! And I was kind of a job slacker before kids as well. I don't see myself as doing poorly at work b/c I have kids either to be honest. I always get a good job rating, I was here before I had kids and my rankings haven't gone down or anything ^shrug^