Larsen Soles: Doctors need to realize they're only human

Calgary Herald

Published on: May 12, 2018 | Last Updated: May 12, 2018 3:00 AM MDT

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She was a talented, compassionate physician who worked hard to meet the needs of her community. A physician who loved rural medicine, especially obstetrics and surgery, and sought out opportunities to use her skills to help underserved populations both locally and globally.

Yet somehow, the illness of depression led to a dark and final place. And I feel responsible, as do the many physicians who worked with her, because we feel we should have been able to help. We should have noticed more. We should have reached out more often. We should have been able to prevent this.

Medicine as a career attracts people who are driven, perfectionist, self-reliant and proud. Too often, our sense of self-worth is defined by our job. Given that medicine is demanding and sometimes full of tragedy, it is easy to assume the blame for the failings of the system or bad outcomes we have no way of preventing.

Our training encourages this exaggerated sense of responsibility, and intense scrutiny from our licensing bodies and health authorities adds an insidious layer of anxiety about the calibre of our work. And the societal trend to always seek someone to blame when things do not go well often targets the physician. Systemic failures and medical errors occur, but these are not the norm.

Yet media, and social media, in particular, would imply the system is rampant with bad medicine and deviant doctors. Somehow, I doubt anyone is more critical than we are of ourselves when we make a mistake.

When a physician ends his or her life, there is grief and loss and guilt among colleagues. Some of the personal guilt we assume is not justified. But some is due to the recognition that we work in a dysfunctional system and have not done as much as we could to change this. Rather than addressing problems, we hide them.

We encourage physician trainees to develop resilience, while perpetuating many aspects of a toxic system.

We work hard to eliminate the stigma of mental health for our patients, but are far less compassionate with our peers. Given our competitive nature and innate need to be in control, many times, we do not treat our colleagues as we should.

Our working relationships are full of the usual human emotions and we need to recognize and acknowledge that we are subject to the same conditions as everyone else in the human race.

I know doctors who ignored their own physical symptoms that would have triggered urgent investigation in a patient, to the point of dying from the disease they denied could possibly happen to them. And with mental illness, deep down, many physicians still perceive it as a weakness rather than a disease.

Well, guess what? We are just as vulnerable as everyone else, and perhaps due to the stresses and nature of our work, maybe a little more so.

“Physician heal thyself” is terrible advice — we need to look after each other and not be afraid or ashamed to seek help. Only then can we develop the healthy workplaces we all need and deserve.

Why am I sharing this story? As long as we continue to hide and not address the issue of physician suicide and mental health, it will remain a shameful secret to many.

Eventually, it will happen to someone you care about. It is time to examine the system and speak out. We cannot change what was, but we can change what will be.

So I say to my friend: may you find peace and joy and all the blessings of whatever comes after. You will live on in the many lives and hearts you touched.

You were loved. I wish you did not have to leave us so soon.

We will try to do better.

Dr. Trina Larsen Soles is president of Doctors of B.C., which represents physicians in the province of British Columbia.

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