weird

I've been thinking about when I committed suicide around two years ago. There was a lot going on, 2 friend deaths, a shitty landlord who always overcharged me by 400-700 a month in rent for a place infested with pet urine which I had to pay after moving in to be cleaned, my management was screwing with me, with all this I'd normally charge it head on, but what set me over was a girl breaking my heart, the player got hurt lol. I've been past all that for a long time now but the part that has me stuck is that I'm perfectly fine after my attempt, no damage. I remember the day I was alone, I tried to drink <Mod edit, WildCherry: Methods>, it foamed all the way down my throat, and then tried to hang myself, I remember I drank a cap full, and I remember looking around my bathroom as I took a deep breath. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. My body struggled, eyes bulged, tunnelvision started, saw stars then I slowly blacked out, memories literally faded in front of me, things I even forgot about then it went black. Then I snapped awake gasping and I was already pulling the belt off. It felt like I was out for awhile, but I don't think I was. All I know is my legs were weak as Hell and shakey, what scared me the most was the belt latched, and it just kind of slapped me straight. I got it loose then I walked around my house, threw up the alcohol. besides the bruising I was ok and I've been fine since. I'm not and never have been a depressive person I was just torn and tired, I rethought the situation like I normally would do and moved on. But I've read reports about brain damage, and neck damage, seeing where I could have been. My neck does feel a little different, like kinda crooked sometimes, but like I said, I'm perfectly fine. Sorry I kinda rambled but I just wanted to get this off my chest. If suicide crosses your mind, rethink it. Nothing scares me, but death did.

Hey mjones8712 - glad to see you survived - I'm sure that many who try it and succeed, will leave behind an ocean of tears. Many will regret it also - especially with alcohol fuelling the darkness - practically lubricating your mind as it walls you in, trapping you in your own negative thoughts.

How many do this and never have the chance to look back at it - to see the mistake? I'm sure that for many, the mind rebels against the act of self destruction once the process is under-way.

Your experience is real frightening one - you are literally lucky to be alive. A few seconds more of unconsciousness and your mind that was fighting against it, would have went to sleep.

Glad you chose to get it off your chest as it might help persuade others not to take this path.

Did you have any help at the time or were you just dealing with natural events in life that perhaps piled up and left you without a parachute as it were.

How have you coped since? You must be doing something right.

Thank for sharing and hope your feeling better in yourself and have a better landlord this time!