1. Edward's a Druggie?!

“So what you’re saying is, I’m your brand of Heroin?”
“Yes, you are my personal brand of Heroin.”
Then, all of the sudden, spotlights illuminated the tree that Bella and Edward were sitting on. The sound of helicopter blades cutting though the air filled the quietness of the forest. Bella freaked and almost fell out of tree, and she probably would have if Edward hadn’t caught her.
Helicopters flew into view, Huey-type by the look of them. They hovered near the tree and their doors slid open while rappelling lines were expelled out of the side. Bulky dark-clad figures slid down the lines and one landed on a branch close to the two.
The figure reached behind him and pulled an assault rifle out, aimed it at Edward and yelled “LAW ENFORCEMENT! DOWN ON YOUR KNEES!” Edward hissed and crouched, ready to fight. Meanwhile, another agent landed behind them and had grabbed Bella. Edward sensed this and knocked the agent that had Bella right off the tree limb.
There was a loud report and Edward felt something enter his back right leg as it buckled under him. He got back up and whirled to face the first agent whose rifles barrel was smoking. Edward was about to attack him when he felt a heavy crack on the back of his head, and someone grabbing his wrist. He tried to run to face his opponent, but there was another crack across the back of his skull. Even with his heightened durability, he blacked out.
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“Edward Cullen, you are one interesting person.” Edward sat hand-cuffed to a chair in the Seattle Police Stations interrogation room. His interrogator, one Miss Dixie Bently, paced the room in front of him.
“No Birth Certificate, Social Security Number, in fact no records whatsoever, excluding school.” She glanced down at the paper she held. “It says here that you have been going to school for what, 20 years at least. And yet you look like your only seventeen . . . We would have probably ignored anything about you if it wasn’t for one of your fellow classmates tipping us off-“
Edward interrupted. “What do you mean ‘Tipping you off?’”
“Well, an individual person who wishes to remain anonymous came to us thinking that you and your siblings were drug addicts. Most people try to hide it, but you people did a lousy job. I mean really,” she looked at her papers again. “Sitting at lunch with food in front of you and throwing it away everyday. Pale skin. Not the greatest attendance record. Some drugs can make you lose your appetite, and others can pale your skin. You often didn’t arrive at school because you were out finding your drugs. We have been watching you for some time, now.
“Our conclusion now is that you and your girlfriend are running a lab either at her house or at your. Her house seemed likely since you’re there most nights, her dad is gone almost all day, and really, she looks stoned most of the time. You’re confirmation of heroin sealed your fate, I’m thinking. You know, you’re looking at life imprisonment here . . .”
*****************
“The Jury has voted and has found Edward Cullen guilty of illegal production and distribution of hallucinogenic materials. I sentence you to life imprisonment, with no chance of parole for 50 years.”