Quiet Morning

Saturday, October 08, 2005

It seems to have been a while now since I've had a quiet morning. I'm sitting, sipping my coffee, browsing blogs, listening to the dishwasher do its duty. The dogs are curled up on the kitchen floor, having munched down on their rawhides. Doesn't take long for Wrigley to devour hers, and so of course Tori hurries her chew as well. Doesn't want it to be stolen. Occassionally I have to admonish Wrigley when I hear Tori defending her territory. Wrigley's still a puppy. I'm still teaching her to share.
I've taken out the recycling and the garbage so far this morning. There's more to sort through of course. The "To Do" list never gets any shorter, does it?
I took my knitting project down to the yarn store last night. This is the first project I've done where I actually switch the yarn colors. I didn't think I was doing it right because my edges looked a little loose around the area where the colors joined. My suspicions were right. I was doing it wrong. So I sat down at the communal knititng table and got in about 30 minutes of assistance before the shop closed down.
The kids and I enjoyed a quick dinner at Chipotle. Then we talked a little bit about her. I asked if they liked her, if she was nice, if they were happy for their dad. They said they were. It hurt a little, but I think I hid it pretty well from them. Zed did make me laugh at one point though. "She's nice. But it's like she's almost too nice. You know, like a crazy person." Figures. It's not that I don't want them to like her, just not too much. It's my own insecurity playing me. I don't want her to be better than me. I know that no one could ever replace me in their eyes. But the thought of being compared makes me sad. I don't want anyone else kissing my kids on the head, hugging them, loving them in the way I do. Tucking them in at night and wishing them sweet dreams. The thought that one day they might want to share something with her and not me, that they would have a secret from me, just kills me. Petty jealousy I know. One of my many flaws. It's not a competition. But I can't help but feel that at times.

10/08/2005 09:04:00 AM :: ::

18 Comments:

Hey, I remember those Chipolte shops in and around Dallas! I think we opted for Subway instead...don't ask why! I would be jealous too of the new woman. I wouldn't want her anywhere near my kids. I think most women would feel that way. I'm sure men do too.

Knitting baffles me. I never tried it. Too close to sewing which frankly scares me.

I'd say the way you're feeling about 'her' is pretty natural. Anybody in your place would feel a bit odd about it. Hope the knitting gets better now you've had some assistance, it's been ages since I've knitted anything!

That's got to be tough. I'm a stepmom so I see the other end of it - which is tough too. Divorce sucks for so many reasons. You were right on the money earlier when you said it should be harder to get married. But then where would we be both now? ;-)

I totally can understand how you'd feel. I would be in agony if my marriage didn't work and my baby had a stepmother...

I'm a stepmother and a stepdaughter, but I'm in a wholly different situation. When I came along, my stepdaughters' mom practically gave them to me. Now she lives 15 hours away and we're all settling in. I was lucky because the girls needed a mother figure and I was the only one offering it... I know I'm sooo lucky, because I imagine they'd feel really conflicted if their mom was good and attentive, like you are.

Hang in there! You'll all get through it- and NO ONE will replace you in their eyes. As a stepdaughter, I can say that with absolute certainty.

I should think the "petty jealousy" that you talked about would almost be a normal reaction. After all, you are their mother, you gave birth to them and you've been with them from the very beginning. How do you simply squash those feelings and turn your kids over to someone else? After all, we choose the babysitters, the pediatricians, the schools, but we don't really have a say in choosing the stepparents!

I think Lucinda is right, NOONE will ever be able to replace you in their eyes, no matter how "nice" they are. On the other hand, you'd worry even more if she was a mean old bitch to your kids.

I think what you're feeling is perfectly natural, but no one can ever love your kids like you do!I'm also a knitter. I made ONE sweater that changed color. It was for Lima Bean and it was red, white and blue. Red for 4 rows, blue for 4 rows, white for 4 rows for the entire sweater. It's beautiful and he loves it, but I SWEAR, I will never do another striped sweater again. That changing colors is for the birds!!!

I don't blame you feeling like that, only guessing but I expect you feel like most mothers would, think I would. Someone I know who is about 37 has recently become the Step Mother of two teens so i've heard from her the difficulties of getting to know the children and how she feels about her partner and his ways of bringing up the children. Every situation is different. I suppose what i'm trying to say is that whoever is involved, they want the children to like them but I can totally empathise with you even if I haven't gone through it myself.

I've had two step-moms. One has been great and now a very good friend and grandmother to my children. As I told her when she and my dad first married, she could not replace my mom. The other one, well, she's not even worth talking about. Sorry you are having to go through this.

Thanks for stopping by my blog and playing along with my true/false meme! You can now check the answers and see how you did.