STARKVILLE, Miss. - Somewhere out there, there's an inventor who's about to get lucky. I'm going to give that person an idea that will make a mint.

So here it is: A device that shuts off your TV when LSU's defense takes the field, then flips it back on when LSU's offense takes over the ball.

This will reduce the blood pressure in the average LSU fan. Therefore hundreds, maybe thousands of lives will be saved by not having to watch a defense that makes every opposing quarterback look like Drew Brees or either one of the Mannings.

By watching only LSU's offense, with a quarterback (Zach Mettenberger) who can make every throw you can imagine and some you can't, two receivers (Odell Beckham and Jarvis Landry) who can make every catch and a running back (Jeremy Hill) who just needs a sliver of daylight, viewers are assured of a peaceful and happy household, reducing divorce rates.

Let's acknowledge that No. 10 LSU walked out of the House That Cowbells Built with a 59-26 SEC victory on Saturday. Yes, any SEC road win can't be poo-pooed. It's borderline insane to moan and nitpick a 33-point victory, and most college teams in America would love to have a 5-1 record at this point.

But LSU isn't just any program. It supposedly annually has top-10 recruiting classes, a waiting list of talent, a pipeline to the NFL and a track record of success since 2003 that says it has the best winning percentage in the SEC.

And finally, finally this season, it has an offense that gets huge chunks of yardage against just about any defense.

It's spellbinding watching Mettenberger's pinpoint throws (he was a career-best 25-of-29 for 340 yards, 2 TDs, one interception vs. State). It's a treat to observe the tight routes and sure hands of Beckham (9 catches for a career-best 179 yards, 2 TDs) and Landry (8 catches for 96 yards), with 13 of that duo's combined 17 catches resulting in first downs. It's a blast to marvel at the speed and the power of Hill (157 yards, 2 TDs) shedding defenders.

"It's been pretty crazy," Beckham said. "I haven't seen an LSU team put up this many points in awhile. The offensive line is giving Zach time to throw and Zach is putting the ball on the money every time."

State coach Dan Mullen was dazzled by Beckham and Landry. "They are as good as any wide receivers that we've played in a long, long time," Mullen said. "They won every 1-on-1 battle."

There's an unbreakable trust between Mettenberger and his playmakers. That comes from hours and hours of off-season work, route after route, throw after throw, being made in the summer.

That's why the Tigers' offense has taken on the attitude of being a collective Terminator. They don't care if their own defense looks hopelessly lost.

"It's all about the next drive," said Mettenberger, whose passing night of 85.7 percent was the fourth-best in LSU history for a QB attempting at least 20 passes. "We can go 95 yards (for a TD), we're excited for about 10 seconds, and we start thinking about the next series. That's the mindset you've got to have, especially at the rate offenses are scoring in this league."

Thank the Lord Mettenberger and crew produced 563 yards of total offense against State, and has averaged 45.5 points and 488.8 yards per game so far this season. Without the scoring spree, LSU might be 3-3 at this point.

Because the defense doesn't have the same trust as the offense. Too many defenders again on Saturday were out of position, too many breakdowns, too much junior high school tacking technique.

You could predict the postgame comments from the victors, that their defense should be given credit for limiting Mississippi State to a field goal in the second half, that Tre'Davious White's 40-yard interception set up a Hill TD for an a 19-point lead in the opening minute of the fourth quarter.

"Rome wasn't built in a day," said LSU defensive tackle Anthony Johnson of the Tigers' wheezing defense.

Maybe so, but Rome was burned down in six days. And in six quarters - four against Georgia and the first two vs. State - the LSU defense was left smoldering after allowing 67 points.

Last season, LSU gave up 63 points in its first five games combined.

"We've just got to get some stops," said LSU coach Les Miles through gritted teeth before breaking away in postgame to hug visibly-shaken defensive coordinator John Chavis. "The defense will improve. We're a young team that's coming."

The defense needs to step in a phone booth and get a Superman makeover. If LSU has any hope of winning the conference and getting a shot at the BCS title, it can't continue to let SEC bottom-feeders like State go for 468 yards and hang around for almost three quarters.

In his fifth season as State's coach, Mullen has rarely looked like the offensive guru he supposedly was in his previous job as Florida's offensive coordinator (where he had a waiting list of playmakers like Tim Tebow and Percy Harvin) for the 2006 and 2008 national champions. In Mullen's 33 SEC games in charge of State prior to Saturday, the Bulldogs averaged about 22 points per league contest.

But there was State vs. big, bad, ranked LSU, trailing at the half just 28-23, and only behind because of Mettenberger's 14-yard TD pass to Beckham with 17 seconds left in the half.

No one could recall the Bulldogs scoring 23 in the first half of a SEC game, much less against LSU.

Unlike last week's 44-41 loss at Georgia, when Tigers' defenders claimed "communication problems" kept them from being in the same zip code as Georgia's receivers, LSU had no excuse this time. The cowbell clanging by State's crowd was loud, but it didn't approach the noise level in Georgia's Sanford Stadium.

The Tigers' alleged defense suffered from a "getting their tails whipped" problem.

It was as if LSU never read a scouting report. State has used two quarterbacks this year - Dak Prescott, a nifty read-option QB with a nice arm and some jets, and Tyler Russell, a standstill thrower who has started against LSU the last few years.

Both players combined don't approach the talent level of Georgia's Aaron Murray, who burned the Tigers for four TDs last weekend.

Prescott gained 103 yards rushing on the Tigers by simply sending receivers deep, waiting for LSU's pass rush to get pushed to the side and then scooting to wide-open spaces up the middle.

When Russell was in the game, LSU gave him too much respect. While he did throw a 59-yard TD over true freshman White, Russell entered Saturday's game with a career record as 10-8 as a starter, which shouldn't have any defense scared. Because the lumbering Russell runs in slo-mo, LSU should have blitzed him into submission.

Don't give me excuses any longer how young the Tigers are on defense. LSU is halfway through the season and a game shy from being halfway through its SEC schedule. The defense has gotten worse since it started league play three weeks ago.

It better improve pronto, or some inventor out there will be living the dream.