The feral rodents in Davis have evolved into something far worse. They have significantly modified their behavior and appearance to increase their food supply. These rodents have become arboreal, diurnal, and have disguised their hideous hairless rat tails. In this disguise they beg or steal food. Boldly walking onto tables and taking food right out students' mouths. When saner minds try to exterminate this odious, disease ridden population we are blocked by student groups. Trapping, shooting, and poisoning are forbidden. My proposal for a new school hat using their skins was not even considered. In defeat, I have considered aiding their evolution into something less dangerous, something cuter. I will encourage students to make size exclusion feeders, so that only the smallest will have constant access to food. We will also build puzzle feeders that reward dancing, pratfalls, defecation is designated areas, and basic sign language.