Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Searching for a breakthrough

Breakthrough. I need a breakthrough to rid my life of illness. I need a breakthrough to find hope for a brighter tomorrow. I need a breakthrough to find a purpose for my life. Being "imprisoned" in four walls, no matter how much better they may be, is no solution.

It seems like every time I step outside my door I encounter nasty, irate people. I'm sick of hateful people. I'm sick of using every ounce of strength to fight back (with the illness I have, that isn't much), I'm sick of being alone.

I'm frustrated. Frustrated with people who take for granted those in their lives who love them, hug them, encourage them, believe in them. Doesn't exist in my life. How I wish it did. I need a breakthrough.

I hear encouraging messages on tv, but they are geared to families, of which I do not have. My youth was spent caring for mine and their final needs after they died. I wouldn't change those years for anything. Yet, I don't have a family. I'm alone in the world. Churches are geared to families. If you are alone, you are ignored. You don't appear to offer much to give back to them. If you're not married or never have been, there must be something wrong with you. Never does the thought occur that person may have given their life in honor of their parents and sibling who needed their care during those years when marriage and children was their strongest desire.

People don't take time to find out why. They just pass judgement and go on. They laugh instead of wonder why that person walks with a cane. They step over someone instead of helping them up when they fall down the stairs (happened to me). They stare at the person whose weight has doubled only to peg them as an over eater instead of knowing the truth. She takes twenty medications over the past seventeen years to stabilize her life so that she can live, if indeed this is what you call living. In taking those meds, her metabolism has been destroyed and the weight has come on quickly. The side effects, most of which are weight gain, are at the top of the list to the horrible meds she takes. But it is much easier to pass judgement, laugh and go on.

I need a breakthrough. I need help. I need someone to take time to reach over the walls and care.