Sugarfree Lovers

August 21, 2010

Pain is increasing. I see my mom walking next to my stretcher. She is telling me that everything will be alright. I am not able to bear the pain and I shout.

“Aauch… Dadi ma it’s hurting” I am 8 and my grandmother is pinching my ear for playing football with boys in my colony. She thinks I should not play outdoor games, if I fall and get marks on my body then no one will marry me.

They have changed me into an open gown and now taking me to the labour room. I am crying in pain.

I am sitting in the garden and crying. I am 14. I won gold medal in the inter school dance competition, but no one except my mom is happy about it. Dadi said I should learn cooking and stitching, only that will help me in future.

I am inside the labour room. Pain is unbearable now, I am sweating. Nurse helped me to lie down properly. Doctor is telling me to push.

I push the door with anger and entered my room. I came back from college when I heard Dadi telling my dad to start looking for my marriage. When I said I am just 18 now and I want to do my graduation first, she yelled at me. I got angry and shouted that they never care about my wishes, she slapped on my face.

Nurse is wiping sweat off my face and telling me to push. I am shouting and crying with pain and the doctor telling me “Come on you can do it. Try!! ”.

“Please beta, you have to do it.” mom is crying. I am not happy to get married at an age of 19. This is a forced marriage. I want to study and make my career but dad and dadi are against it. They feel girl should get married as early as possible and look after their family. Education and career is not important for them.

I never felt such pain ever in my life before. Nurse and doctor are telling me to push. I am exhausted.

I am feeling weak and very tired. Yesterday I had abortion. My mother in law and husband don’t want a daughter. They forced me for sonography and killed my baby girl against my wish before she can open her eyes in this world.

I am pushing with all the energy I have. Giving birth to a new life is like rebirth for a woman. From the time I conceived this baby my husband and mother in law tried many times to find the sex of my baby, but due to new strict rule from government against this they were not able to find it.

I am pregnant again and I am fed up with my mother in law’s prayers for a boy child. She curses me day and night for conceiving a girl child last time. Today even I lost my temper and told her to stop cursing me for that. She raised her hand to slap me but I stopped her. My husband saw all this and hit me ruthlessly. They told me not to enter their house if I give birth to a girl.

I am fully exhausted but all my pain vanished after seeing my child. I have never seen something so small and beautiful. Yes, she is my beautiful doll. My mom comes inside the room, I asked her about my husband and mother in law. As excepted they were very angry and left the hospital. My mom is crying, she is worrying about my future because my husband will not accept me now. But I am happy. I am happy to hold my daughter in my arms and I feel great to hug her. I look at her innocent face, she doesn't even know that her father is not happy with her birth. But that does not matter me anymore. For me this is the happiest moment of my life. Now I want to study further and get some job. I kiss my girl and I promise her a beautiful life. She won’t live a life full of compromises and adjustments like I lived. I will give her good education and make her independent. I will make sure that she gets all the rights to live a successful life and enjoy her freedom.

PS: This is my entry for the ‘Blogeshwar 2.0’ contest. And guess what, I won it :D

This is purely blogger imagination. But this is influenced by what blogger saw, heard and read from different sources at different time. So this post not belongs to just one person, It is the replication of Indian society.

A reflection of the society, really well translated into a post.Your posts are indicating that you are growing as a blogger. Well done!!Its still indeed a long road and tough journey ahead for the girl-child to be heartily accepted by the society as a worthy living being...

never will it change... I am sure about it.. trust me, I have seen staunch people who go by their faith to set things in their lives... a couple who are looking for an alliance for their daughter rejecting a guy just coz he didnt mention whether he goes to temple or not! how lame things can be?

Hey Sweta!You are the BLOGESHWAR 2.0I tried contacting you on fb (being the evil mind behind the concept) but there was no option to leave a message. Added you as a friend thr. Will coordinate their for your new domain name.