It’s been claimed that not a few women, who are supposedly married and living with their husbands, make efforts to re-establish communication with an ‘ex’…especially women who are not fulfilled in their marriages. Trying to investigate the claim, I sought the opinion of some of my male friends, and they confirmed that some married ex-girlfriends do make attempts in that regard.

According to them… at some point, a married girlfriend re-establishes communication; they become friends again and the “needing someone to talk to” starts and Okafor’s law perpetuates-if things are not watched.

A backburner, as defined by the study, is “a person to whom one is not presently committed, and with whom one maintains some degree of communication, in order to keep or establish the possibility of future romantic and/or sexual involvement.”

More than anything else, two factors are constantly found at the root of this attitude amongst some women…economic challenges and emotional issues.

This is why I preach to every man to make an effort to reach his woman’s core, your woman should be able to find succour in your arms-when she needs someone to talk to. Money can’t always fill the gap.

What’s the essence of marrying someone you can’t connect with emotionally?

Women by nature are emotional beings and that is why the man, who can connect deeply with us, will always have an upper hand in our lives…much more than the one that spends all the money on us. You know, some men make marriage so mundane that, the moment a weak woman is shown a semblance of ‘attention’ out there, she falls for it.

Have you wondered why doctors, drivers, hair dressers, fashion designers, masseurs, fitness trainers, pastors, etc are constantly fingered when a woman is said to be involved in an extra-marital affair?

It’s because a typical woman relaxes her guard with whoever makes her feel special! In their quest for “attention”…a lot of women have even started going into fellow women.

It is actually easier for a woman to handle economic challenges than it is for her to handle emotional challenges. Once a woman is emotionally down, she unintentionally starts looking for a FAMILIAR TERRAIN to let off steam and that’s when she rakes up an ex’s number (in the case of those that can’t deal with girlfriends)-especially the one who seemed to understand her.

At such times in a woman’s life, the one who presses the ‘right button’ will always have her in his palms…her emotions (and not necessarily her head) informs her reasoning at this point. So, sometimes-it’s not about being a “hot pant.” In fact, sex might be the last thing on her mind, just someone to talk to, especially one who understands her.

Of course, some mischievous men capitalise on this vulnerability on the part of the woman and take things a bit further.

Reason I appeal to every man out there to study his woman as a book. Know when she is deeply disturbed and just wants to TALK. You might not even have to say much-just listen to her, take her in your arms and assure her that all is well or pray with her.

It is no time to shoo her away because you are busy or tired at that point-please find the time and just listen to her. There are very few women that will joke with the man who makes them feel important. If you fail a woman when she desperately needs to talk to somebody, you might never be able to get her back when she begins to confide in an outsider- and that outsider is most likely going to be an ex-who might also decide to throw in a BONUS!

And like someone once said: “Very few women say NO to an EX-that’s good in bed.’’

On economic challenges…
No woman, who is financially stable, cheats on her man for monetary rewards. When a financially stable woman cheats on her husband, it is often for emotional reasons.

So when a woman starts ‘hustling’ in a certain manner-my first suspicion is that the husband is not pulling his weight –economically. And it’s a huge problem because any man who can pay her bills will always have her, including the now comfortable -ex.

I don’t want to dwell much on this without seeming to justify this unpleasant venture, but let it be known that there are very few women that will not peep outside their matrimony…if the price out there is right.

So when a woman starts yearning for an old flame, it means she is unfulfilled economic wise or emotionally. Some women find it easier to turn to an ex-than to a complete stranger.

Although, greed could be a possible reason, too, just be sure that you live up to being “the man” in her life.