When I was a little girl, I asked lots of questions. My grandmother, who seemed too busy to bother with explanations, always answered, “Curiosity killed the cat, Ann.”

That response, which I heard over and over, probably kept me from questioning any further when I asked my first grade teacher to explain adultery to me as part of learning the Ten Commandments. Here’s a link so that you can listen to my “Adultery” poem and find out what happened and why I believe it’s vital for all of us to question authority.

One aspect of questioning authority has particular significance for me: questioning the need to take medication for depression and other mental health issues. The doctors I worked with all told me the same thing regarding medication and depression—it seemed to be the answer that science had found to ease the suffering of countless people.

“Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. You need to take medication to correct the imbalance, and you may need to take drugs for the rest of your life.”

When I questioned my doctors and expressed my reluctance to take any drug for the rest of my life, especially one that altered my brain chemistry, they spoke to me in a patronizing tone. “Depression is just like diabetes. You wouldn’t argue about taking insulin for the rest of your life, would you?”

That kind of response from a trusted authority figure will shut down questions every time. It did for me—but only when I was face to face with my doctors, and only because I had struggled for years to find a way out of a very deep depression. But the idea that chemicals could just go off in my brain for no apparent reason never satisfied my curiosity. I found more answers about reasons for my depression by working with a poetry therapist, journaling, reading poetry, and exploring the relationships in my life than I found in all the pat answers from my doctors.

But when I read Prozac Backlash by Dr. Joseph Glenmullen, a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, I found hard evidence to substantiate my fears of long-term medication. Dr. Glenmullen spends considerable time exploring the clinical trials of Prozac and other SSRIs that were conducted by the drug companies and he exposes many seriously questionable practices used to justify bringing the drugs to market. In addition, Dr. Glenmullen uses stories from his own research and his patients’ experiences to explore the very harmful side effects that can result from taking antidepressants:

“include[ing] neurological disorders, such as disfiguring facial and whole-body tics that can indicate brain damage; sexual dysfunction in up to 60 percent of users; debilitating withdrawal symptoms, including visual hallucinations, electric shock-like sensations in the brain, dizziness, nausea, and anxiety; and a decrease of antidepressant effectiveness in about 35 percent of long-term users.”

When I read this book in 2002, I had been depression-free for five years, but my psychiatrist insisted that I continue on a lifelong course of numerous psychiatric drugs: Wellbutrin, Elavil, Topomax, and Valium If you take a look at the side-effect profiles of these drugs, you’ll see that I was exposing myself to a lot of potential harm, especially if I were to continue on the drugs for life.

I worked with a social worked for over a year, exploring the reasons for my depression as well as looking at the other reasons for my continued healthy state. After more reading and many months of discussing the ideas with my therapist, I decided to stop all medication.

My psychiatrist warned me that because I had suffered from repeated bouts of depression, my brain was damaged and I could easily slip into depression. He cautioned that my next depression was likely to be much worse than the last. I’m happy to report that he was wrong. With using a combination of journaling, meditation, Heartmath (a combination of cognitive therapy and meditation), and poetry, I have remained medication and depression free for the past 13 years.

More recently, I’ve read two books by Robert Whitaker that take an exhaustive look at the studies behind psychiatric medications—including SSRIs, anti-anxiety drugs, ADHD medications, and antipsychotics—and my decision to discontinue my medications has been confirmed by the wealth of studies and analysis that Whitaker and co-author Lisa Cosgrove provide. Take a look at Anatomy of an Epidemic and Psychiarty Under the Influence for more information. Here are just a two pieces of information that I found especially compelling:

“Long-term antidepressant use may be depressogenic[cause depression]. It is possible that antidepressants modify the hardwiring of neuronal synapses [which] not only render antidepressants ineffective but also induce a resident, refractory, or depressive state.” R. El-Mallakh, 1999, Journal of Clinical Psychiatry (Anatomy of an Epidemic)

“Of the 1,1518 patients who had entered the follow-up study [of the effectiveness of Celexa vs Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or placebo], only 108 had stayed well throughout the 12 months. All of the others had either dropped out or relapsed back into moderate depression (or worse). Given that 4041 patients had entered the study, this represented a documented stay-well rate of 2.7 percent at the end of one year.” Ed Pigott, psychologist (Psychiatry Under the Influence)

I’m glad I’ve read books that challenged the prevailing wisdom of the day. I’m glad I explored my options and made decisions for myself. Most of all, I’m glad I questioned authority.

Nominated for Pushcart Prize – 2014 and 2016

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Testimonials

“I have just finished listening to your interview. You were very eloquent. Your poems are very effective at conjuring up a picture and the emotion of the moment. The interview was also educational and gave insight in to the struggles you have had, but indicated that there was hope as you move forward.” Jane T.

"hope for moving forward."

Ann Bracken is a gifted and dedicated educator, expressive arts coach, and poet. She infuses her work with a refined aesthetic sensibility that engages her clients and creates an environment where positive change and new learning can happen in unique ways. Michel Groter

"...positive change and new learning can happen in unique ways."

This poetry residency made the children love poetry in a new way. Ann’s passion for poetry rubbed off on every student and helped them to be successful. Michele Barron, Teacher, Howard County Public Schools

"residency made children love poetry in a new way."

“to say that I was blown away by your poems, would be a gross underestimation!…I want every administrator, every new teacher, everyone to read your book.”

Binki McKenna, Media Specialist

amazing poems

The opportunity to be with other women, to engage in purposeful journaling, and to receive guidance from Ann enabled me to begin the next chapter of my life. Becky Salerno

"purposeful journaling....enabled me to begin next chapter in my life."

“This is a terrific collection. “Sometimes a Poet”, “Voices In My Ear”, “Wingless Bird”; are all wonderful poems. It’s hard to choose favorites. All these kids, Angie, Horace, Magic, Ben are vivid in your writing. I hope teachers and school administrators can read these poems and learn something.”

Peter Dan Levin

A terrific collection

“I read through the whole book the day I got it, went back to reread and underline all the things I loved so I could tell you about them…then life took over. The short of it is that I absolutely love it…” Under the twigs of youthful dreams” ” wanting the sweet relief of wine in her veins” ” blunting the tide and inviting me in” ” and always the martinis” ” between truth and loyalty” “my good night hugs are not returned by either parent” ” her blood rivering down the drain” ” the invisible boul…

"I read through the book the day I got it."

Love doing an altered book. Ann, you were a great teacher. Very kind, respectful, and considerate.

"Loved doing the altered book."

“What a beautiful, poignant collection of poems it is. Painful to read the journey of the little girl who had to take on so much responsibility. In this day of openness about addiction & mental illness, your poems provide a view into a personal story within a societal pact of secrecy and shame. Though as a society we still have work to do to de-stigmatize these conditions & bring compassion to the fore, we’re moving in the right direction! I applaud your courage and unflinching stance, as we…

"...your poems provide a view into a personal story within a societal pact of secrecy and shame. "

“I just listened to your interview and it was so moving and rich. Your poetry reading is only surpassed by your poetry. Though I think poetry is meant to be read aloud so the reading and the work are really one. Just beautiful. Thank you.” Eileen C.