A blog with snarky poems and rhyming rants about politicians, pundits, and other putrid people and events that give me heart palpatations--as well as light verse about various and sundry other things.
All content (c) 2009-2010 Elaine Magliaro. All rights reserved.

Some true stories are just so bizarre that they inspire me to write poetry.

Paean to a Bovine Beauty

I’m in love, I’m in loveWith a creature divine…A ruminant fair.How I wish she were mine.She’s a sweet, lowing voice.She’s got limpid brown eyes.She swishes her sleek tailAt hovering flies.She’s a beauteous bovine,A cow of great charm.I’ve been trying to court herOut here on the farm.

Took his pal HarryOut hunting for wildfowl,But shot at his good friendInstead of the grouse.

(Note: I know that Dick and Harry were shooting at quail—but I like the louse/grouse rhyming word pair. Just a little poetic license.)

Here’s another Dick Cheney hunting poem that I posted previously at Political Verses.

A Hunting He Will Go

Who’s hunting here? I think I know.That’s why I’m certain I must go.Don’t want to get shot by mistakeBecause he thinks that I’m a doe.I hear his voice. He’s coming near.Oh, Lord! I know I’ve much to fear.I best be sprightly on my feetAnd get the HELL out of here!His rifle’s raised; he’s taking aim.“I’m a human being!” I exclaim.“Hey! Can’t you see I’m not a deer?”(Guess he’s decided I’m fair game.)Forsooth! Alas! He walks my way.I guess this ain’t my lucky day.I do not want to be his prey.I do not want to be his prey.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Forget attacking liberal bias in Hollywood or in the media. One group says it's the Bible that's gotten too progressive.

The Conservative Bible Project is leading the charge to deliberalize the Bible by using a Wikipedia-like Web site to correct what it calls "errors in conveying biblical meaning."

Those errors are a "lack of precision in the original language, such as terms underdeveloped to convey new concepts introduced by Christ," "lack of precision in modern language" and "translation bias in converting the original language to the modern one."

On its Web site - which is emblazoned with an Old Glory logo above the words "The Trustworthy Encyclopedia" - the group is seeking to create a fully conservative translation of the Bible that follows 10 commandments, er, guidelines.

A Poem about the Conservative Bible Projectby Elaine Magliaro

The Bible’s way too liberal—And nothing could be worse.Let’s go rewrite the holy book—Each chapter, line and verse.

We’ll tell the stories “our way”—Toss out the liberal bias—The way the good Lord wants us to.The devil can’t deny us.

The Great Book that we live by.We’ll write the stories “right”—Translate them “fundamentally”To conservatives’ delight.

***************

From Conservapedia: As of 2009, there is no fully conservative translation of the Bible which satisfies the following ten guidelines:[2]

1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias

2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity

3. Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level[3]

4. Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop;[4] defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle".

5. Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots";[5] using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census

6. Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.

8. Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story

9. Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels

10. Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God."

Julie Larios, an award-winning poet, read my poem and decided to write her own double dactyl on the same subject. She left her poem in the comments. Julie gave me permission to post it at Political Verses. Thanks, Julie! It’s a clever double dactyl.

NOTE: In order to truly appreciate Julie’s poem, you should read the post at Professor Turley’s blog.

A Double Dactylby Julie Larios

Jiggery Pokery, Warriors are winners! Boo the Beatitudes, losers are lame. Even if we play mostFort-Oglethorpishly,God's on our side, kids, so He'll throw the game.

Monday, October 12, 2009

I’m a big fan of Law Professor Jonathan Turley’s blog. Turley posts some very interesting stories. Some of the stories even inspire me to write poetry. After reading the following post at his blog, I wrote a double dactyl—which you’ll find at the bottom of this post.

This week, the Catoosa County School Board in Ringgold, Georgia will meet on a controversy over the cheerleaders of Georgia’s Lakeview-Fort Oglethorpe High School who use Biblical verses as part of their displays to root for the football team to “commit to the Lord” and “take courage and do it.”

About Me

I worked as an elementary school teacher for more than three decades and as a school librarian for three years. I also taught a children's literature course at Boston University from 2002-2008. I served on the advisory board of the Keene State College Children’s Literature Festival from 2006-2008 and as a member of the NCTE Poetry Committee from 2009-2012. I am now retired and write poetry for children. "Things to Do," my first children's book, will be published by Chronicle Books in February of 2017.