Humanist Counter-Theory in the Age of Misandry

Male disposability, then & now, in one image

My lovely wife and I watch a lot of documentaries on Netflix. Recently, watching a short and enjoyable British documentary called “Stephen Fry in America,” which first came out in 2008, I caught sight of an image that riveted me. It was on-screen probably all of 3 seconds, but I stopped my Netflix stream, rewound, and took this screen shot, which I reprint here under fair-use rules for educational purposes under US copyright law:

Click to enlarge

Stephen Fry is a perfectly decent and funny British actor/comedian documentarian who, in this lovely little BBC series (which we very much enjoyed by the way), he travels through all 50 of the United States, exploring various parts of the country with no particular agenda except to get to know America, and Americans in all their diversity. This particular screen shot was captured in an episode where he was visiting a West Virginia coal mine.

I probably don’t have to tell you that coal mining is one of the hardest, most hazardous jobs in the world, or that the number of men who’ve died in that profession over the last century or two is staggering. Yet still they do it. And as you might expect, safety is an issue for these “workers” (i.e. what we used to call “workmen” before we decided to make their sex invisible), but notice how, even here, they feel it necessary to tell these men to be safe not just for themselves–that is apparently not good enough–but because their families depend on them.

And historically, most men I would guess have just unthinkingly accepted that: of course you risk your neck because your family needs you. That’s what being a man means right? For centuries, maybe longer, men have just accepted that reasoning without complaint, and we still do. Still, today, in 2012, we unthinkingly, even in one of the most hazardous jobs imaginable, think it best to remind men to be safe not because they are valuable, but first and foremost because others depend on them.

There was a time 30 years ago when feminists called that sort of thing a “click” moment; we call it a “red pill” moment I guess: you see it and things like it your whole life, and it’s never dawned on you that men were just expected to put themselves second.

And historically, maybe it had to be that way. Maybe the human race would not have survived if we were not that way. But isn’t it fascinating how the normal instinct we have is to admire and call it noble to tell a man to be safe not for himself, but for his family?

But look more closely and here you will see a statement of our modern age. Someone took a marker, and at the end of the words “they’re counting on you” scrawled in the letters “r money.”

And we laugh right? Everybody laughs and laughs. It’s so funny. Funny because it’s true, right?

Right?

Nowhere do we stop and think about the reality that underlies this “funny” graffiti: almost certainly scrawled by a man, or men, who working day after day in one of the scariest, toughest, most stressful jobs there is, whose wife and kids left. Who he maybe never sees anymore, who have reduced him to nothing but a paycheck and can put him in jail if he quits that job because he doesn’t want to risk life and limb and sanity anymore. Because if he quits, he has nothing else to do and may just go to jail.

So, so funny, right? Plus the stupid mug, he must have had it coming right? Women file 70% of all divorce claims, and that only happens because the drunken wife-beating loser louts had it coming, right?

They say that pain is the essence of humor, and I believe that’s true. But then there’s the moment when you should slap yourself on the face and remember: no it is not fucking funny. In today’s world, what many men live under is little better than indentured servitude. Even the simple gratitude that used to come with this sort of self-sacrifice is now instead an obligation, an obligation with a gun to your head, and makes you the butt of a joke or an “obvious loser” with “issues” if you dare complain about working yourself to death to support a family that’s abandoned you.

Ha. Ha.

Look at that image again. Male disposability as it once was 50-100 years ago–and how much worse it often is now. How often nowadays you’re either a paycheck for someone else, or you’re useless. You and your life otherwise are often squat in this culture.

But take solace man: The President is a man! Corporate CEOs are mostly men! So obviously this is your privilege, to work your life away in solitude in a coal mine. How dare you complain about anything, loser?

And I guess if we object in any way to this sad state of affairs for millions of men, it means we hate women right? I mean, that naturally follows, for there’s no other reason for some “loser” to complain about it, right?

Yeah. Contemplate the image, and think of it as your moment of zen. Am I wrong, or does it say everything you need to know about the state of millions of men–yesterday and today in one quiet little image?

About Dean Esmay

AVfM Operations Manager Dean Esmay co-hosts AVfM Radio's Revelations with Erin Pizzey on domestic violence, and Tales from the Infrared on geek culture. He encourages people to look at issues through the lens of compassion for men who deserve it, and respect for women who deserve it. He is the author of the critically-acclaimed novel Methuselah's Daughter.

This dehumanization has always stung me. I have been properly indoctrinated into a good little worker ant. For most of my life I have followed that bad path and felt the bad energy of being used. But not anymore, I am now working towards my own dreams and aspirations.

I have been disposable by my soon to be ex wife and employers. Loyalty to these ideas are not worth anything any more what so ever.

They do not want the “wallet-filler” to be disposable before it’s use. Do they?

Fuck ’em.

The red pill is our planned obsolescence.

tallwheel

“Wallet-fillers” are more like mobile phones. When it breaks, you buy a new one. If it doesn’t break, you eventually get tired of your current one, so you go out and look for one that will bring back that feeling of excitement you had when you first got your current one. The new one promises even more excitement and more usefulness than the old one ever did. Two years later, you’re back in the shop looking to upgrade again.

Kimski

And never truly understanding or realising, that that feeling of excitement can be learned through self suggestion, if you’re prepared to put in a little extra work on yourself, because you’re caught up in the rat race of trying to get more finances to buy a poor substitute, that will only give you that feeling of exitement for so long.

Tawil

Feminism is capitalism realized. Men as women’s profit-bringers or as mere consumables. Let everyone -particularly those in the capitalist USA- think about that.

Capitalism is geared to accumulation of capital and all relationships therefore become tainted with the business philosophy of venture capitalism- relationships as a way to make gains or to otherwise sell up when the gains and negligible or negative. Relationships become a veritable stock market, and men and children the stocks to be shuffled in the portfolio.

I’ll go further and claim that third wave feminism is 100% a product and demonstration of capitalism.

(and no I’m not aligned with socialism…. just a realist)

Kimski

100% agreed.
Feminism has been capitalising on the work and disposability of men from day one. It’s a personification of everything capitalism stands for.

Which,-on a side note,-makes that ‘Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves’-song, by Eurythmics/Franklin, the most tragi-comical song ever written. And the saying ‘It’s a Womens World’ the most hilarious example of delusions of grandeure ever stated.

‘Sisters’ are basically _stealing_ it for themselves, and it will never ever be a ‘Womens World’, because it is build by, payed for, and maintained by MALE blood, sweat, and tears.

Turbo

Correct, the sisters are doing it for themselves thanks to the technology, infrastructure and inventions of men. And women are safer than they have ever been, thanks to the protection of men. The fact that chivalry is dying, because men are being treated so badly, ultimately puts women in more danger, but the sisters do not get it.

Obaoill

I believe in democracy, but capitalism with its lobbing groups, and corrupt agents (AKA feminism), really have made a mess of things. Women make a mess and men are expected to fix it. With the help of some smart women such as Girl writes what, Dr Tara, and Typhoon Blue. But for the most part, let men fix the problem. There is something wrong with this picture.

Zuberi

But the feminist trash cannot capitalize on the work of young men who see them for the parasitic, human garbage that they are. The marriage strike and the rate of young men telling the new age t—-s to “Fuck off” is no accident!

Turbo

I tend to think that Feminism, particularly as it applies to the Family Court and Family Law is the ultimate Right meets Left scenario. The Left, which in Australia used to represent the working man, is now totally consumed and controlled by Feminists. They are the ones who started the problems with the Family Law act in 1975, and have constantly pushed since that time to institute more and more draconian laws, and strongly resisted any attempts to make the system fairer.

The Right have generally been ambivalent to the problems, and have paid not much more than lip service to the complaints of disaffected parents (predominantly men).
The exception being John Howards Family Law changes in 2006, which were minor really considering he made some very strong promises before the election and considering he had the majority in both houses of parliament. He could have changed the world, but went weak at the knees at the last minute.

Those minor but effective changes have now been usurped by our now Left government, which has strengthened the domestic laws so much, that it is pretty much a violent action if a man wakes up in the morning.

So what we end up with is Feminist ideology being enacted completely, ie: men are getting the shaft, and the Right are not so fussed because all the lawyers, judges, psychs, social workers etc etc are making heaps of money. It costs a lot to service your Porsche.

And the only ones complaining about it is us.

It is the perfect storm, Right meets Left, and they all have a fondle. The only other time we have Bi-Partison support in politics is when the pollies all agree to a pay rise for themselves

This is in no way a political statement, as I am in no way aligned to either side. But the fact remains that in Australia right now, the Left is controlled by Feminists, the Right are ambivalent.

We have few friends on the right, we have we nothing but enemies on the left.

gwallan

The Labor party is a very distorted unit at the moment.

I come from an old Labour/union family most of whom were very busy within the party. I’ve been one of the active ones since the sixties.

At the federal level it is very sexist and has been for a couple of decades. It serves single mothers rather more than working class family men as it once did. At the same time in my state of Victoria – and probably others – one almost needs to be a conservative Christian to gain pre-selection. This is particularly true at state level. The party is actually very conservative socially.

Gillard is actually a bit unusual among Labor MPs. She’s not a feminist in temperament or training and she is not a “Christian”. I prefer her to virtually every other woman the party has to offer.

At this point in time Labor as a party is tending more to the facist than the socialist. It’s a shift that has been on since the eighties(my father was smart enough to walk away from them in that time frame!). It is paralleled by the growing influence of women in the party and a commensurate growth in it’s disdain for working class men.

It’s a party that has truly abandoned and sabotaged it’s heritage. It’s current woes do not surprise me in the least.

http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

Thank you Tawil. Those who consistently portray these issues as “left” vs. “right” or “socialist” vs. “capitalist” have only taken half the red pill. In a raw unfettered capitalist universe, men are the meat in capitalism’s grinder. Oh yes yes, sure, the highest level managers are mostly male (although that’s less and less true these days) but they represent 1% or less of the population and by nature can never be more than that.

The Left used to represent the working man and care about him; it no longer does. The Right is ambivalent at best, still embracing the old notions of noble self-sacrifice for men and bending over backwards to accommodate a lady’s delicate sensibilities and afford her traditional protections, and view men’s primary duty as being to work himself into his grave–and for it to be his primary failing if he struggles and falters in that.

It’s society’s attitudes that need changing. Left, right, capitalist, socialist, these are all systems in which male disposability remains the default until enough of us say “fuck that.” More men have to say it, and more women (especially women who actually care about the men and boys in their lives) have to say it too.

OneHundredPercentCotton

Beautifully profound statement there, Mr. Esmay.

BioCan

I think that is the right way to look at things, as political affiliations should play no role in who is allowed to retain fundamental rights. All individuals should be recognized as having all the rights that he or she is bestowed upon living in their respective country.

However, the reason why I feel that the left-wing political groups are mentioned more often than any other on here is because of their association to feminism, which is the movement that has brought about the destruction of the rights of men. Now, this is coupled with the fact that one only has to look at what left-wing groups in modern North America consistently profess to their followers: that they are the groups that are opposed to conservatives and work on behalf of the rights of the common man. They seek to generate equality between economic classes and desire a more harmonious society. Of course, the other political parties state just about the same thing. The difference lies in the peculiarities of the modern social and political atmosphere. After the financial crisis, many allied with left-wing groups to oppose those have wronged them on Wall Street and the like. The ones that I’m familiar with radiated this aura of being on the side of true justice and fairness, which drew the attention of so many voters. It’s this utilization of linguistics that I find so repugnant. They claim to be on the moral high ground and seek justice for people who have been hurt. It is all very emotional, but is it entirely logical? When the reality is that feminist groups tied to the left make it their business to take away our rights and freedoms. It is a cruel and horrible ideology with a veneer of sweetness and innocence. In my opinion, they are no better than the groups who do wrong on the right. They have lied time and again, and they simply do not wish to see every individual man enjoy his life, but to spend it as a slave working for the feminist orthodoxy (living in a nation with a bureaucracy that dehumanizes you while also enjoying the fact that you provide all of the valuable resources that feminists enjoy in society). Or, they’d rather see you hauled off to prison for the most innocuous act, and you’d have hardly thought that they could criminalize masculinity, but apparently it is happening albeit at a slower pace.

It is more or less a breach of trust, and for that I cannot support them. If I wish to continue voting as a responsible citizen, I would probably choose the lesser of the two evils. At least, that’s how I see it. Feel free to agree or disagree, as I’m interested in what you think of this matter.

OneHundredPercentCotton

As George Carlin aptly pointed out – between the left hand and right hand is only one puppeteer.

Watching the political ads during the olympics, all I can do is watch in horror as both sides ply you with happy promises of choosing your own destruction.

http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

BioCan: I think you make good points. I also think some of this depends on what country you live in. In America, the nature of our system is more polarizing than in countries like Canada, the UK, and Australia, just for example.

I’m sure Canadians, Brits, and Australians are saying “what? you’re crazy, our politics are very polarized!” and all I can say is: yes, but not as much as here, and I’m not making that up. You guys are all dominated by two major parties, but your third parties are larger and more vibrant and prominent. The lockdown of the two major parties in America is much more severe: it is a STUNNER if a third party gets more than 1% of the vote in a national election. Of all 565 members of the US Congress, there is exactly ONE member who is neither a Democrat nor a Republican, and he caucuses with Democrats anyway. Third parties don’t exert a small influence here, they exert such a microscopic influence most people are barely aware they exist.

There are extensive reasons in Political Science to explain why this is so; suffice it to say it’s not something unique about American culture, but instead it’s certain inexhorable mathematical realities that would make this the result in pretty much any country.

What this results in is almost everything being divided along partisan lines. And so things that don’t intuitively seem like they ought to be “left” vs. “right” (what is “left” or “right’ about saying “fathers should see their children?”) wind up that way. With both parties, you would expect MRAs to find supporters, for various reasons, but here’s what stops it:

1) The Democrats, a broadly center-left party, are historically the party of the working man. Hell they were the party that fought to make sure all men had the right to vote (in the early decades of this country, most men COULD NOT vote). They were the ones who cared about things like coal miners. They like to look after the interests of working class people. HOWEVER, certain feminist groups have gained a strong foothold there and these are feminist groups which are probably the most toxic and anti-male.

2) Republicans, a broadly center-right party, squares most comfortably with conservative traditionalists. That makes them somewhat more comfortable with MRAs but only a little bit; there you’ll find more of the attitude that if your wife left you you probably deserved it, that your only legitimate function in life is to be a provider for your woman, support for draconian sentencing laws, support for the idea that “women civilize men,” and who think things like “most crime is comitted by young men so we must be harsher and stricter on young men.” They’re also, in my experience, even faster to laugh at the notion that men can be victims of domestic violence, or to scoff at the idea of female sexual assault on males. They talk a good game on respecting traditional manliness and masculine traits, but in the end they still want you to expect little compassion and maximum responsibility.

Heads they win, tails you lose.

Now the fact is that you can take Barbarossa’s stance and declare them all enemies. That’s your right. But from my perspective that’s a form of surrender. The real answer is, seek friends and allies in both parties, and in all political groups. Just seek to do so on the attitudes where they are most simpatico with your aims.

With Republicans, who like stern-ness on things like crime, I would pitch a line on getting firmer on female offenders and females who manipulate the family court system dishonestly. For Democrats, I would pitch a line much stronger along egalitarian sentiments. In both cases, like it or not, I would point out how the double standards in the current system HURT WOMEN as well as hurt men, because (A) you’re dealing with the reality that most people don’t like thinking about helping men as a group, and (B) it’s ACTUALLY TRUE, both “liberal feminism” and “conservative traditionalists” are not just pandering to women, they’re infantalizing them, and they’re also hurting the sons, brothers, husbands, boyfriends, and fathers of many women.

I hope that all made sense, not sure if I answered you or not. But me I prefer the “I’m ready to be friends with anyone who’s on the right side of these issues, regardless of any other ideologies they may espouse.” (Well, almost; I’m not going to line up with conspiracy theorists, racists, etc. but you know what I mean).

Real-world example of this: I can’t get into specifics because it involves some behind-the-scenes political activism at a local level, but I was an advisor to the leader of a major father’s rights group who was getting involved in local politics to make a difference. Right away I told him a mistake he was making: he was only making friends with elected Republicans. I said “Listen man, if you keep that up, then you’re going to be tarred as a Republican, which has short-term benefits but in the long term means Democrats start seeing you as an enemy. Start making friends with Democrats, right away. You need friends in both parties to get anywhere at all.” He took my advice, and after a year of patient effort, well, I can’t tell you the details but let’s just say there are some significant changes that are happening in my neck of the woods, BIG ONES, and one of the reasons was, I made sure that the leader of our group refused to get pigeonholed into one party or the other. Instead he concentrated on making as few enemies as possible and as many friends as possible and, because he’s adept at that, some good things are happening for men (and women as it happens) in the community I live in, some of which may have significant long-term national effects. (Oh God I wish I could say more but I can’t.)

Tawil

Dean,

I completely agree with the position you take here…. of being aligned with a fighting of misandry on both sides of politics rather than joining just one of them. (BTW, I wager its no coincidence that there are more Christians per capita in the USA than Canada, Australia, UK, and that the Christian mind places all phenomena into a strict fight between good vs evil… there is no ‘third party’ in this kind of thinking, and no complexity as in the alternative model you offer).

I wish this summary by you (directly above) had been injected into the partisan discussion here a few months back. You articulate why its important for the MRM to avoid partisan politics. The examples and reasoning you provide are compelling…

BioCan

I agree. They certainly turned the feeling of women’s superiority and men’s inferiority into a marketable industry. Just look at advertisements, commercials, and network television.

DruidV

No more looking at it ever again! I killed my one-eyed fembot-box a long time ago!!!

I hope that more and more Men will also finally decide to reject/abandon the whole miserable mess of msm-tv altogether, along with all of the Madison Ave. Misandry it pushes at them day after day, thereby boycotting by proxy most, if not all of the materialistic crap advertised there, which they don’t need anyway, outside of trying to impress or be of utility to the scorn faced females they see on the screen every day.

Sadly, major league sports still has a firm grip on our blue pill brothers’ ball sacks and this is where misandry is usually at its most concentrated. It’s hard for blue pill alpha types to look away and stay away from their favorite sports teams, but it can be done.

Bread and circuses only serve evil despotic tyrants…

Once blue pill Men can finally stop themselves from looking at all of this misandrist garbage and, focus instead on the real world and its pernicious plans for them, the msm’s role in the government’s misandrist agenda will be finished.

Let us pray.

FTSU

Tawil

(((((SLAP))))) It aint funny anymore….. lets start viewing this as tragedy, not comedy.

Jay

And this is exactly why so many Japanese men are turning away from marriage and women. It leaves them free to pursue their hobbies and live a low stress life. Marriage reduces a man to nothing more than a paycheck. Now, if a man has a loving wife who will not leave him (and take away their children) at the drop of a hat if he loses his job or because she gets “bored”, then that is fine. He has a family who will support and look after him.

However, men are waking up to the reality that the contract of marriage has now been reduced to a sexist hell, where a man can lose his wife and children and all his assets at the drop of a hat, if his wife at any stage becomes “bored”. So a man works himself close to death on the mines for a family which in all probability will abandon him, leaving him lonely and depressed.

In case anyone didn’t notice, if you just click on that image of the sign you’ll get a full-screen blowup of it so you can see clearly the alteration someone working at the mine made to it.

Eye in the Sky

I missed that the first time around. Now it makes a lot more sense.

The social contract has been annulled… to paraphrase, “Imagine a high heel stamping on a man’s face – forever.”

Gamerp4

I always read under some disasters or natural picture where it read “A Picture Speaks Thousand Words”, But for this picture i would caption it “A Picture Speaks Humanities Sad Steep” because not only i see Men being demonized, feminized, murdered, ordered, cultured, battered, I see them being dehumanized Its like we as man are seen as a “Beast of Burden” only to live for supporting the civilization while the “Rich Man” (The Priviliged One) and Women can have the fruit of it.

As i always write on this site that we are not below in the food chain but we donot exist in the food chain.

“Still, today, in 2012, we unthinkingly, even in one of the most hazardous jobs imaginable, think it best to remind men to be safe not because they are valuable, but first and foremost because others depend on them.”

Our flesh, bone and blood is used for cultivation of society and civilization, that society which see us as Rapist, Criminal, Oppressor, Pedophile, Chauvinistic Pig, Narcissistic asshole, Creep, & a danger to society.

AntZ

One of the most powerful essays that I have read in a very long time.

You have made the pain real. The man, the father, the broken heart, who scrawled the words “your money” is now every man.

Thank you.

Dazza

Great article Dean.

How sad it is that men all over the world are working their guts out to provide money for people who don’t give a shit about them.

Men are worth so much more than the dollars they earn, and I really wish more men were valued for who they are and not the $$$ they bring to the table.

Arvy

In a socio-political-economic environment where the worth of everything is assessed in terms of monetary cost-benefit and profitability, why would anyone expect men’s worth to be assessed any differently by anyone — let alone by the compliant womenfolk.

The “left vs right” aspect is, in many ways, a diversion. It’s more a question of whether one accepts that expanded role for capitalism’s valuation criteria in all aspects of human existance and governance. It’s somewhat akin to a religious issue in which the unqualified equation between “freedom and democracy” and so-called “free enterprise capitalism” is taken on faith, not just as an economic system, but as a basis for all of life itself.

The critical point was reached when feminist leadership (by no means limited to women) managed to persuade its followership that “liberation” was available through participation in the workforce. From the “capitalism-as-a-way-of-life” perspective it killed two birds with one stone. It (along with “globalisation”) vastly expanded and thus devalued the labour force itself. And it greatly diminished men’s traditional familial and societal roles along with the potential of their rebellious tendencies to oppose tyrannical authority in effective ways.

It’s not only men who are being castrated, but it may take women somewhat longer to catch on, if they ever do. As for children, they’re virtually wards of the corporate state already and more to be pitied than any of the other victims IMO.

BioCan

Great comment, Arvy.

Although, I would suspect men are getting a poorer end of the bargain because more women are entering the workplace and becoming managers or business-owners. Quotas actively discriminate against men and force us into poverty and despair (without work, we are not even recognized as humans as men are valued based on what they do and not on who they are sadly). The service sector, which is dominated by women, is continually increasing as we have entered a post-industrial economy while the manufacturing sector, which has supported men and their families in the past, are now packing up and moving where labour is cheap. Men are no longer even valued as a necessity in the household due to judicial courts actively entitling single-mothers to a man’s possessions and wealth while actively removing him from his own family. I do not like where we are headed, and the only rational response men can give to an unsuitable environment for them is to go their own way (further increasing the divide). But who can blame us? Imagine flipping a coin. If it lands on heads, you must take all of your savings and hard-earned cash and store it in your house. Then you take a propane tank, pour gasoline around your house, and light it on fire. That’s marriage.

I would like to imagine that they are waking up to this inequality experienced by men. But, a greater part of me thinks that the advantages received by virtue of being born the opposite gender in this modern economy are much too potent for most women to make this realization. Most of them are on board the gravy-train. Feminism is just another gravy-train for women who are in academia with degrees.

Arvy

Expecting anyone simply to cast away anything that is perceived as an advantage to himself/herself is just a little too much to ask of human nature in the vast majority of cases. The “masters of the universe” know that very well. They don’t get people to vote or act against their own true interests without a lot of very carefully planned and executed manipulation of those perceptions that accord (at least apparently) with human nature rather than opposing it directly.

The second manipulative triumph and critical point in the whole process, of course, was persuading most self-proclaimed “leftists” (both men and women) to adopt the workforce-oriented feminist “liberation” version as an integral and unquestioned part of their own “liberal” platform. The “getting even with men and their nasty patriarchy” meme served that purpose very well, besides providing a convenient distraction from the actual underlying issues and the real perpetrators. In fact, it has become so ingrained that I’m frankly doubtful that it can be overcome by any form of direct opposition against the obvious female feminist targets alone.

Personally, I think men should adopt the “think of the children” plea as their own, and the more strident the better. But, then again, as I said, that’s where my own chief sympathies tend to focus anyhow.

http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

Since an awful lot of people have visceral contempt for men advocating for themselves in a lot of contexts, I find that with many parties, arguing about the damage done to children and even to women by misandrist attitudes and policies makes a difference.

It shouldn’t be that way. But hey, when you’re on an uphill struggle, you use every tool in the toolbox you can.

http://mrathunderinthehammer.blogspot.com/ Dannyboy

Dean great article and observations.
I would like to point out one thing you missed about a man who has been tossed under the bus and is now a walking cash machine.
He doesn’t have to quit his job to be looking at jail time. He can be laid off or loose his job through no choice or action of his own and still be looking at going to jail.
This is what happened to Paul Donovan :

“Barbara Kay, National Post · Tuesday, Nov. 16, 2010

Last week Ontario announced it will begin impounding cars of fathers who fall behind in their child support payments. What, are mere licence suspensions not driving enough men to despair?

On Aug. 31 Paul Donovan, age 50, a reliable long-haul trucker, lay down beside train tracks near his home in London, Ont., and rolled himself into the path of an oncoming train. Most people would call it a suicide.

Not his common-law partner, Brenda Higgins. Ms. Higgins holds Ontario’s Family Responsibility Office (FRO) liable for his death, and will launch a lawsuit to that effect.

Paul’s ex-wife works, owns a home and drives a new car. Neither she nor their children — today adults of 18 and 21 — are, or ever were, impoverished. Paul had been paying regular child support since 1996. But during the trucking industry’s recent hard times, Paul was temporarily unemployed, and missed two support payments.”

God damn it Dannyboy. That story made me want to cry. It’s why we need to set up a suicide hotline for men, who are four times as likely to kill themselves as women and ten times as likely to do so after divorce.

Not long ago a friend of mine who was out of work in Michigan (one of the hardest hit states in the last several years economically) was temporarily between jobs, and his ex- dragged him into court for an arrearage on child support payments–child support he had voluntarily agreed to make higher than the state mandated by the way, because he’s a good an honorable guy, but she didn’t care about that–and the judge left it up to her whether to put him in jail or not. She thought about it a while and decided best not to put him in jail, while he sat there sweating in court waiting for HER to decide.

That you would give someone that kind of power over another human being, to just have the power to say “yes put him in jail” or “I will pardon him, for now”–to the father of your child, to the person who volunteered to pay you more than the law required because he thought you needed more, who just needed more time now because everybody’s hurting–and she could only smile grimly with self-righteousness and power.

Sick.

Sicker: assuming he’s a deadbeat loser bum who has it coming.

Raven01

You know what?
I will keep a stack of label paper just for PSA signs I see now.
My counterpoints may not be as polished and professional as some but EVERY SINGLE PSA, targeting men and fathers in the one-sided manner so common now is going to start getting counterpoints stuck right on them. I might even start using public transit just to do poster runs since that tends to be heavily laden with such signage in this area.

If anyone needs me I`ll be the guy doing a shitload of walking after being kicked off of every bus in town, lol, and I`ll be loving every minute of it.

http://mrathunderinthehammer.blogspot.com/ Dannyboy

Dean,
I am sorry to hear of your friends troubles and hope he is doing alright now.
Yes Paul D.’s story is brutal but the truth often is.
His and your friends are just a couple of the perhaps hundreds of thousands examples of just how badly men are being treated by the current in-justice system.
You’re absolutely right we need a suicide hotline that is able to deal with men’s issues and not just what the femmies say are our issues.
Again great article.

lensman

A bit of Fridge Horror*:

In all those years this sign was “appended” out of the hundreds of men who worked inside the coal mine nobody saw the need to correct or remove the sign!

This means among other things:

-The vast majority of the workmen there, from the old ones to the new ones, accepted the appended message of the sign that they were nothing more than walking ATMs.

-They were resigned to that fate.

Tells a lot about how society raises men and why the red pill has become a necessity for a full and fulfiling life.

*Yeah, I frequent TVTropes, sorry.

keyster

Is this supposed to be an epiphany of some sort?

Women birth babies and men work (sacrifice themselves), to provide for them. It’s been this way since the dawn of civilization. Only recently have women started contributing to the machine directly (AND still having babies).

If men should stop doing it, what do you propose as the alternative to the “capitalist meat grinder”?

What there should be is a Renaissance of appreciation for men’s sacrifice, but the female half owns the “victimhood” narrative right now and men want no part of it as victims of something themselves.

http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

There are any number of suitable reforms, such as pushing shared parenting as the default whenever possible, making faked evidence of abuse and perjury in family court punishable with jail time, making alimony much harder to get, making it much harder to leave a marriage with more than you brought into it, making adultery, remarriage, or cohabitation with a new individual grounds for re-visitation of custody, making moving your children more than a few miles away from you much harder, making it easier to show that you are indigent and need reduced payments without having to pay for a lawyer to do it for you, and so on, which are independent on whatever socioeconomic system (German, American, Australian, etc. are all different in various ways) your system works under. And then of course there’s the simple act of raising awareness and shaming people who abuse the system.

Tawil

Yup, you don’t have to look too hard for evidence of an alternative model to the man meat grinder.

There are numerous old culture examples of males share parenting. Or more specifically share nurturing – that supposedly female only genetic ability. I saw a program a few years back about pygmy men in Africa who did an equal amount of nurturing to females including feeding, holding, comforting, and playing. The men even pacified the babies with thier own nipples, and supposedly lactated! Due to my indoctrination the last behavior disturbed me a bit.

Share parenting -specifically, hands on parenting- has obviously been going on since the dawn of civilization. However some socio-cultural models indoctrinate the people with the dogma that a complete labor separation has always been the case between mothers and fathers: men working, women nurturing.

Subsistence labor too was often shared by men and women, depending on where you look.

http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

Male lactation has been witnessed a few places; I don’t think we have to go looking to emulate that but it certainly puts the lie to the notion that men are not/cannot/should be nurturing or that fathers are irrelevant to the proper raising of children. (Indeed, it’s sickening how we have a system wherein we make it extremely easy to eject fathers from their children’s lives, then turn around and berate men for not helping raise their children. Uhm, what?)

And I don’t even need to be father-centric on this. There is nothing inherently “left” or “right” or “socialist” or “capitalist” to say that disparate criminal sentencing laws are an injustice. Or that other forms of discrimination men routinely face are just plain wrong. Is creep-shaming a conservative or a liberal issue? Uhm, the question does not apply, does it?

ActaNonVerba

I’d like to make a blurb about another angle:

If I’m a single man with no particular plans about slaving for a woman, the sign says the following to me:

1) You’re abnormal for not being a woman’s slave, and…

2) It is absolutely of no consequence if you are injured or killed because you are not serving as material slave for a woman.

Andy V.

Dean Mate,

I read this article aye, and saw that picture in the mine mate. The one you got here in that article mate.

What’s all this business about us blokes being chucked down a bloody mine? Are you saying we gotta be careful and shit only because the sheilas want our money mate?

Is that what your flappin on about mate?

I reckon that’s crook as a bashed in dunny door. I thought you were one of us blokes that cared about blokes and now I see you writin’ shit about us in mines?

Sorry mate, I’m bloody jacked off about that aye! Maybe you should write somethin’ good about us blokes instead?

Aye !

http://www.avoiceformen.com Dr. F

Andy Vanders,

You are a useless shit stirrer.

Piss off.

One vote down from me.

Andy V.

Dr.F Mate.

This is a Voice Formen ya bloody drongo. For blokes and I’m a bloke aye!

I’m allowed to say stuff ’cause I know a shit load about misandry and shit.

I down voted you too mate.

Aye !

Turbo

“I’m allowed to say stuff ’cause I know a shit load about misandry and shit.”

Not for long mate, not here anyway, Aye

Turbo

I should have been more specific, the above comment is my opinion, certainly not my authority, or my call. Apologies.

http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

Why are you using Aussie type slang even though you’re pretty obviously not Australian?

I would think that the point of my article should be clear enough, but, someone who’s not bright enough to credibly fake an Australian accent IN TEXT may need special help, so let me try to clarify this for you:

The article is about the reality of male disposability throughout history, how it’s nowadays forgotten and unappreciated because our historical dialectic is one where we are taught to believe women have been nothing but oppressed victims of privileged males for thousands of years. It also then shows how in some ways male disposability is even worse today; not only is it forgotten in history, but it’s openly mocked today and for some men, the reality of it is even more brutal than it was a century or two ago.

There, does that help, or are you just a dill whacker? (See, I can fake being Australian too!)

Andy V.

Aye there Dean,

I dunno what a ‘dill whacker’ is but I reckon you just made that shit up aye. I reckon you just faked a fake Aussie accent mate. I reckon maybe you’re a sheila too in fact now that I am thinking about it.

I read your article again and I still reckon chucking blokes down a mine just so the sheilas can have money to buy girly stuff is wrong. You know what I mean mate? It’s just not fair.

It would have been even more fairer if you wrote about how you reckon chicks should also go down the mines and lift rocks and shit. Not just blokes. Why only blokes mate aye ?

We got modern tools and stuff nowadays that can make the chicks down there just as strong as the blokes mate.

In fact, at the end of a hard day down there when everyone is covered in soot and stuff, you’d only be able to tell the girls from the blokes because they’d giggle and have chest bumps. That’s how good our modern mining tools are aye. It evens the playing field and shit.

I’m not going down a bloody mine for quids.

Nah mate, sorry I am not buying it. Not even in a pub this side of the black stump where the crows fly backwards and the dingoes wear tutus mate aye.

I might even wanna put my feet up on my Esky full of beer just staying at home while the missus is hauling coal and bustin’ rocks mate. Maybe I might just wanna reverse the bloody genders and eat chocolates and look at photos of cats and shit.

Maybe you should write about that instead of just fobbing us off because we’re blokes.

Aye !

Raven01

PMSL.
Dean, Andy Vanders is most definitely an true blue dyed in the wool Aussie.
Not only does he know a shit load about misandry, he also has a shitload of tractors and might send you one if he thinks you can use it.
Especially with the time shift this week you must absolutely tune into the Dr. F show this weekend, Andy is an occasional guest that I am sure you will enjoy.

http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

Raven: Ah. Well if he’s for real and just a joker, then I take it back.

Andy: I’m all for women working in coal mines, and other dangerous crap jobs, sucking it up same as men do, and letting the man be the one to stay home with the rugrats if he wants to. At this point though I’d be happy to just have some recognition and gratitude for anyone who does it. (Although actually I think we should be trying to get rid of using coal so much, but that’s a whole ‘nother conversation.)

Andy V.

To that Mr Esmay bloke,

So we’re friends now. Bewdy! I love shit like that.

Aye.

http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

No way Andy! I hates you more than ever now mate, ye Ozzie bugger!

😉

Autcel

That reminded me of a long commercial about work safety back in 1997 when all workers depicted were male. Work safety apparently is not viewed as a gender issue back then. Still, with workplace deaths being almost exclusively male, this should be a major highlight.