No Kidding in NZ

Monday, 19 March 2018

I have some longer
posts brewing, but in order to get a Microblog Monday post out, I was looking
for an easy and hopefully happy topic, as there is much negativity in my head
at the moment (hence my limited blogging), and I don’t want that to spill out
here.

I was thinking of my
No Kidding readers and fellow bloggers, who invariably I’ve watched go through
deep disappointment and disbelief, and experience real grief, and I watch them express
these emotions honestly, rawly, each in their own, brilliant style. We are all
there to support them, and any new people who come through.

Then, slowly, the
grief subsides, though it comes and goes, tormenting, at times, mocking. But
gradually too the hope and joy return, contentment sets in, and they gain
wisdom, acknowledging their journey, writing things like, “I could not have
written this two years ago.” These journeys warm my heart, as I’ve been there
and know how hard it is, but I am always confident they would emerge out the
other side, still (or once again) largely okay. They warm my heart for another
reason too, because I know that the progression is there to give others hope, to
show the way to those people who will, sadly, always be following in our steps.

Tuesday, 6 March 2018

We found someone to look after the kids so we're going away for a few days. Scratch that. We found someone to stay with the elderly in-laws for a few days, so we're going away for a few days. Our life at the moment isn't so free and easy, but those who think that the No Kidding live free and easy lives are short-sighted. Just as those No Kidding folks who think that having children is all about playing happy families are blinded to the realities of life.

So we've hit the road, and we're going to explore a part of New Zealand we don't know very well. Unfortunately, the weather is supposed to crack up in a day or two, but we didn't get to choose when to go away. So we have books and music and wine, and if we have to hunker down at the beach bach we've booked, then we're ready for that.

Monday, 26 February 2018

You could have knocked my socks off. I was watching a recorded TV programme the other night, forgot to fast foward through the ads, and then I heard Jesse (I've written about him before) talking about our Prime Minister's pregnancy (and since then another Cabinet Minister has announced her pregnancy, as has a well-known TV personality), and how tough this news could be for those don't have children. His 5-day-a week TV programme is going to run a series of items about infertility this week, to

"make conversations about not having babies as natural and normal and open as having them."

I don't know if he's talking about himself - he does go on a bit at times about being a father, but equally tries not to say things like "as a parent" and to be more inclusive. and when he asked "that question" he did note there had been a lot of discussion in the team about whether it was even appropriate to ask.

I found this article and video, and I will be watching/recording this week to report back.

This is the first time I've heard any prominent media programme talk about not having children as the most normal thing possible. I wanted to cheer. I just hope that they include those of us who don't come out of infertility with babies, as well as those who do.

Monday, 19 February 2018

A post this morning
about being reminded about infertility at a doctor's appointment surprised me
a little. It surprised me because it reminded me that those who come through
infertility without children can forget about it for periods of time. We see
a lot of writing (and commenting) from compassionate, thoughtful women who
have children after infertility, and remember their journey. But I'm not sure
I ever realised that they might be able to think, "oh yes,
infertility," as if they have forgotten for a while they were infertile,
as if it is now irrelevant to their lives.

Those of us who didn't come out of it with children don't
need to be reminded about infertility, because the inevitable and inseparable
outcome of childlessness is always with us. It doesn't really pop up and
remind us, as it would be as unusual for me to think, "oh yes, I have no
kids" any more than people with children might think, "oh yes, I
have kids." We live with our realities every day.

But I wanted too, to remind you that this isn’t necessarily
a painful state, as I noted in my post from a few years ago, in Getting
Over It.

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About Me

This is my blog on living and loving life without children after infertility. Currently I'm a blogger, a self-employed businessperson, and traveller.

I blog on A Separate Life about my everyday life, but this is a space for thoughts on my No Kidding lifestyle, the good and the bad, remembering what was lost, and celebrating what I have.

My husband and I are the stereotypical couple without children who love to travel. I recently started Instagram where I am (at) travellingMali, and I'm posting photos of various trips (so far mainly our northern trip this year), and the occasional photo of where I live in NZ.

In 2013 I travelled in Europe and the Middle East for five months, and kept a blog at Lemons to Limoncello.

I also had a travelblog some years ago, but stopped posting in 2012, which you can see at Mali's Travelalphablog. I'm intending to start that up again, so watch this space!

In the meantime, I love to hear from readers, and you can email me at: malinzblog at yahoo dot co dot nz