So get me back to beer and food asap, after trying to help the Syrian refugees, which all I done was made matters worse, the hole Turkish border probably hates them now fanks to me! So I’m back in antalya, however money is running low. So I have plan, I go to breakfast with my bag fill it with boiled eggs and fruit to last the day! However not as easy as you may think, in the guest house they have ” the breakfast police “. Yes 2 people whach you as you get food and eat! So I have to be very cearfull. What happens Of I get caught by the breakfast police? Just imagine going to to jail. What you in for? Bank robbery! Fighting! No breakfast police, got cought with 3 eggs and a bit of fruit!

So after the excitement of the dam, what other amazing things to visit, ah a holy city, can I eat.?,,..no…what about a fag?….no, it was like being on holiday with Bobby sands! So saw some fish in this place sanli urea! So I’d had enough I was off to a place called mardin, the Korean girls told me it was good and fun! After going there I thought these girls need to get out more! Mardin is on the Syrian border, UK home office web site says…. say away, car bombs, kidnapping, shooting etc! There is danger here, dangers like you might starve to death as no smegging food due to Ramadan, or depression, no beer these where true dangers! So I dicidded to help the Syrian Reggies! Give something back and all that! So I was giving beggars 1 Turkish lihra each, about 35pence. But I was the only white person there, only person staying in the guest house! So I finds this cheap tea place out of the way, where you can smoke, and have a cup of tea, it was the only place in town. So I was there quite abit, on one afternoon a Syrian woman came to the cafe begging, with a small child. On that day the cafe was busy, and I had got know a lot of the locals. So I got the woman and child to goin me at my table for tea and a bottle of pop. The locals said ‘ David you are a good man ‘. Then the woman starts brest feeding the child at the table! Smeg this was not good, locals said look what you’ve done, this is bad, why you have her sit here and do this! As lots of people left so did I….get me the smeg out of here quick!

So it’s daft o’clock, only people who have milk rounds or hatern road girls should be out at this hour! Ok Off the bus( old van with seats) smegging hell it’s cold than the heart Hart of my girlfriend! You have to walk up mountain now….’ you having a smegging laff it’s 4:00am, do I look like a smegging milkman ” so me and my still bad foot limped in the cold dark wind of mount milk man! The wind was a bit of a smegger, couldn’t get warm, can’t light my fag, can’t see, found shelter On top in a rock that was used as a toilet! Sun came up old rock heads on Mountain, very nice ‘ can I get down now, can I go back to bed ‘ no smegging chance off to see more old stuff. I just want to see my bed, maybe tv, a gag, pack of crisps. So off to the oldest temple in the world, yes another one! If I had a pound every time they’ve told me on my travels that I’d have enough money for a night out with a hatern road girl, including a bag of chips and taxi! So still knackered, bad foot, I’m in the middle of nowhere, midday sun, sweating like a blind lesbian in a fishmungers! However did have a scarf given by monks to hang off a tree! Oh yes great move, as the I gets on the shoulders of the fastest man there trying to get up this tree, so I got up down wasn’t so easy, now foots worse, covered in cuts and scrapes. Next was go and see a dam, talk about Shiite trips, who the smeg want to sit in a van for another 3 hour to see a smegging dam!

So I decided, to go on a tour after getting ripped off, on smegging bus n taxi! So got a tour cheap, first stop lunch. Smegging hell it was going to a soup kitchen n letting the tramps cook n serv. Cheap, well the food was included! So we are all standing In this dirty place, there were some posh folk there, looked about as pleased as a Hattern road girl with a council tax bill. So there was this soup, looked bad from the start, an off white with Brown bits in it, made from yogart n stuff. If that wasn’t enough to put u off, a scruffy old man started, putting on his pants behind the counter. Smegging smeg alot of people walked out! There was a fat dog sitting in the restaurant licking it’s self underneath! I know why to take away the taste of the soup. It is hard to describe how bad the soup was, however everything tastes better since. Next off to some mountain to see heads on it. 2:00 in the smegging morning, are you having a laff! No sir you must come now! Oh the joy 2:00 in some van drove like it was stolen, with the radio bleating out the Turkish equivalent of max biegraves! You know was it would have been more comfortable to get throw out of a moving car whilst being eaten by a lion whearing odd shoes a coat 2 sizes small whilst having an asma atack! Oh how could it get worse…..

In a galaxy far, far away……………
OB1McDave traveling far & wide, in a world of kerbabs & curly shoes, in a time of ramadan, beer & fags are hard to come by in the day!

Well I limped here and there, can sort of walk now about as well as a drunk man with wild dog strapped to his leg, that hasn’t been fed for a week put on steroids and is stoned so has the munchies.I decided to leave hotel, however last night I was forced to drink, vodka, terqueala, sambooka, wine, beer, cocktails, and other stuff that was of different brite courlers with no name, could have been mushroomed based. So you can think what state I was in, dancing, drunken yoga any general other west behavior. On bus to Olympus next, after 3 hours sleep!Got to Olympus, sharing a tree house with 5 other people in an orchard by the beach On the cheap 11:00 at night got up a mountain, to see the flames that never go out, l it my fag from them!Off the smegging mountain ( mount Olympus) something to do with olympic touch! Drugging up on pain killers and antienflamatry pills Me n Me bad foot were like lorral and hardey on e’s!
Yes I’m living in a smegging tree house like Off starwars with a bad foot, smeg…Do I look like an eawok?…No! I have no hair! Limping up mountain to light my fag from some holy flame! So time to move on, climbing up and down to my tree house to go to the toilet that is used by half of Olympus, smeg and the head’s!
Next in a city, antalya where I’m sharing a room with 3 girls, so that night we and a few others from the cheapest hostel in town, bed bugs fleas ect ( need to get drunk to sleep ) all of us doing it on the cheap! We got offered a night boat ride for. £1.20…..why not, so went to shop got some cheep beer. After a few cans of super strong beer my foot felt a little better, as we partied and danced I showed off with some breakdancing, bad move woke in pain with foot back to bad! So can’t walk may as well be on a bus! Why the smeg not!

Me and my bad foot are on way to konya a holy city at Ramadan! Oh dear no food, smoking, any drinking. Have to cover up! That means no thong today! If they catch me doing any of the above I’m in trouble! Life very long when your lonely…..should have gone to rhyl beach.
Got off bus to a strange place, restaurants empty, no 1 smoking, drinking, so Off I hobbled to the pilgrimage of the whirling dervish, men who spin round and stuff, bit of a waste as I didn’t see any. Couldn’t do a Spin but got the photo. So I’m back on another smegging bus to cappadocia! Oh what a great place to get to……

Well would you believe it, I get stuck at bus stop in the middle of smegging knownwhere. ” no bus sirrrrrrr Ramadan On, bus running” so have to get a smegging taxi £20, then 10:00pm trying to find room, like trying to find a sober haters road girl On a Saturday night “ok sir only 1 night all beds booked” so I wake up get kicked out of hotel like a hobo0. Now staying in a cave with some 4 Japanese! I’m in Goreme lots of little caves everywhere all look the smegging same to me. All got same paintings inside. If someone opened a b&q here back in the day when caves were in they would clear up! Oh it’s smegging hot, hotter than a oven inside an other oven with a big coat On, on a bonfire, in a desert at midday at hottest time of year!

So leaving the cave, like the ones off star wars, beets trying to talk Jap, stoned On painkillers and antinflamaty pills off to explore. Oh the choices, village caves, city of caves, church caves, underground caves, castle of caves……ect and much more, i’ve had enough of caves. I know some people are into caves and buy what cave monthly and say to other cave people” have you seen. The Next week what cave mag” ….no, no I haven’t why…..” there’s a pull out pin up of a cave near me!!!”….. Oh oh oh get me some tishu’s quick!
If your into caves this is the place for you, I’m sick of them!

Hi this is tsunamidave ( ob1mcbave) after coming back from India n Nepal on the cheap. Cockroachs bed bugs, 36 hour bus trip. Like ridding on a shopping trolley tied to the back of a drunk driver that has just stolen a bin wagon and decided after taking a large quantity of majic mushrooms has had a calling to drive to the middle of a remote forest and become a tree..Jedi night ob1mcbave is back on the planet Chester……
In a galaxy far far away….Jedi knight ob1mcdave is living on the floor in a spair room, which is about as cumfey as being stabbed in my sleep with a bread knife by a wild angry hatton road girl who has lost her beer money, commuting down off a 3 day bender, and found out you have just slept with her sister. So In the travel agency got a flight to turkey very cheap, less than what other people spend on a night out! So got a new bike to take ( the bomb) however topical me, I started somethin and now I’m not to shore! Yes on the day of the flight, tripped on a step, in hospital, 15 mins to pack, somehow I’m going, with a foot the size of a small council estate, about a mobile as a drunk tramp after being crushed by a Hatton road bin wagon when it’s just picked up the round after Christmas! So I’m at check-in at airport in a wheel chair, no letter saying u can flight sorry sir! So I used my Jedi mind trick, these are not the droids you are looking for. Well off me head On painkillers I stood up on the foot in question and said I’m as fit as a Hatton road milkman being chaced for overcharging! So wheel chair he there all way to hotel. Now in turkey no bike, can’t walk, little money, who gives a smeg!
To be continued……