by Brad Warner

First off, in tribute to Russia’s fallen statesman, Boris Yeltsin, I present the following video. Some of you have seen this before. It’s My Niece’s Foot, the band I was in in Japan in 1993-94. The song started off as a weird Russian inflected country hoedown jam by Nick (violin) and Sam (guitar). I started shouting, “Boris Yeltsin! Boris Yeltsin!” in hardcore style and so the song was born. Later on when Emily (vocals, tambourine, Asprin bottle) joined we added the heavy metal bit in the middle. That part began life as a separate song titled “Depressing Zoo,” all about the very depressing little zoo in Takaoka, the town where we lived at the time. Parts of the video come from the gig we did on a moving street car.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3btU9eN0M0]

Also, I’d like to remind everyone that on April 28th we’ll have our monthly one-day retreat at the Hill Street Center. Details are over there in the links on your left. Come along and spend a day staring at walls together with us! I’m still amazed at how few people show up to the Saturday Zen classes. Last week there were 6 of us, including me. When I give a talk lots of people show up. But ask people to try out a little of the practice and they all scatter. I know many of you are nowhere near Santa Monica. But I’m also aware that many of you are very near Santa Monica and still don’t show up. It’s not that scary. OK? I don’t yell and scream. I don’t bite. No one will hit you with a stick. No one will try to make you join the group.

There was other stuff I was gonna say, but now I can’t remember what it was. I gotta go do my real job anyway.

Maybe you should tell people that you will yell at people and hit them with sticks, people probably will show up for that. In fact, I understand a lot of people get paid good money for that kind of fun.

You know it’s funny, I just don’t have time to do zazen and go running in the morning. There may be lot’s of super stuff I’m missing with the whole staring-at-the-walls thing, but it’s a choice between that and running to the beach and throwing sticks with my dog down, and farting into a couch cushions just never seems to win that particular battle. Mostly because my dog looks at me like: “Dude: the frikkin’ beach, dude. C’mon!”

And that’s just it for me I guess. Who cares what’s at the bottom of the whole consciousness thing if you can’t get at it while doing things like chucking a stick with your dog? Do I really, really have to be sitting on my ass to get it? Really? I mean you should see the look my dog gives me: he thinks I am the biggest jackass in the world when I choose between him and the cushion.

Cool bass, cool video. I’ve noticed on the 0DFX videos Brad plays a Peavy T-40 bass. This was the first decent bass I owned and used for many years before I could afford a decent Fender. My current companion is a ’67 Fender Jazz bass which I have had for about 20 years now and wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I would like to do zazen, I think I’m ready. My problem is that all the Zen centers in my area are located in the part of the city that is the hardest to get to and the most frustrating to drive around.

In a city (Milwaukee, WI)where it is possible to drive from one end to the other in less than an hour, a 45 minute drive through the most confusing part of town to sit on a cushion is a bit of a deterrent.

Now if Brad could do a talk at the Milwaukee Zen Center (mentioned in his previous post) I might be persuaded to at least check things out.

As for home practice, I would like to get some formal instruction before I try it on my own, just to get the feel.

You know, it doesn’t have to be a choice between the beach/park and zazen. It is possible to, for example, go to the beach for a half-hour, then go home and sit for a half hour in a room with a closed door between you and the now-tired dog. It’s also possible (and pretty nice, really) to sit at a park, though a dog would likely be too much of a distraction there. If your life is really so tightly scheduled that you can’t spare a half hour a day, maybe you could sacrifice something else, like for instance, reading blogs on the Internet.

These suggestions are pretty obvious, really. Zazen doesn’t sound very appealing, and obviously playing with your dog is a lot more fun. But you might want to ask yourself why you feel the need to post excuses here. If you’re really not interested, stop wasting time reading this and get your ass outside. 🙂

A 45 minute drive through the most confusing part of town to sit on a cushion is a bit of a deterrent.

If you have some spare cash, get a Tom Tom. Seriously. They’re great and unlike some of the competition, they work with Macs. The go to that zendo and park your ass on a cushion. Or drop by the Shambhala Center and say hi to Robin Kornman for me.

OK, but how *much* practice, and for howlong, before one can conclude that the theexperiment is worth continuing, or that ithas succeeded, or that it has failed? Orthat you are not conducting the experimentincorrectly — not following the properprocedure, tasty recipe,effective algorithm?

In order to “PRACTICE”, you have to “BELIEVE”that this undertaking might be worthwhile.And for that, you have to have some trustor faith in what longtime practitionersclaim. (Practitioners of other religions orwhatever make similar claims — do this andget that — and many, if not most, Zen“teachers” have proven themselves to beextremely untrustworthy.)

(BTW, to get a PhD, you need at least threePhDs on your dissertation committee. Howcome you don’t need at least three “ZenMasters” to give you Dharma Transmission?You know, like get at least three differentquotes before you hire a plumber, sort of,in a way, kind of.)

And, unlike a scientific experiment, theresults are not reproducible every time.

Here it is straight from the horse’s mouth:

“It’s obviously true that even peoplewho’ve spent decades practicing Zazen canbe complete assholes with absolutely nounderstanding of reality and nothing at allof any value to say. This happens when peopleuse their time on the cushion to get deeperand deeper into their own delusions and whensuch delusions are encouraged by poor teachers— I remained convinced, though, that folkslike this are the minority. So you can’t evenhold up something called Zazen and say, hereit is, this will automatically work foreveryone every time.”

What good are teachers?What is a “good” student?Are some people just unteachable?

Siddhartha Gautama didn’t have no stinkin’ teacher,other than reality right-here-and-right-now.

Damn, whatever point any of this might havebeen approaching seems to be disappearingamidst overwhelming sleepiness — voila!insomnia defeated!

Good night, and good luck.

Oh yeah, here’s the question: At what pointdo I throw in the towel and say “Well, I gaveit my best shot and zazen just doesn’t seemto work, or at least not for me — I guess Ibetter go spend that half hour a day some otherway” ?

PS Minimum cost of Zen in today’s US dollars:

($2.50/day)* x (365 days/year) x (25 years) = $22,812.50

* ~25 minutes of American minimum wage

Dang! That could almost pay for aTriple Mocha Soy Latte everyday for 25 years,or one Big Honkin’ Iraqi-Guzzlin’ Hummer SUV!

anon – i think it ultimately comes down to faith. it is the killer irony of our no faith system that the people who believe most deeply, will consequently practice the hardest, and will finally understand the most.

OK, but how *much* practice, and for howlong, before one can conclude that the theexperiment is worth continuing, or that ithas succeeded, or that it has failed? Orthat you are not conducting the experimentincorrectly — not following the properprocedure, tasty recipe,effective algorithm?

think of it like jogging or stretching. it’s good for most. some people have dodgy knees and so jogging is bad for them. but still most people should jog/do some exercies everyday. ignore the ‘spritual’ progress side of it. just do it the way that you would go for a run and don;t worry about whether you’re doing it right too much.

Anonymous – I would say don’t expect anything. Success or failure ain’t whats important. Those judgments exist only in your head and the criteria is different for everybody. Sit everyday or don’t. Eat meatball subs or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Just don’t think about dinner when you’re eating lunch.

>>long anonymousYou suck ass man, nobody is trying to convince you of anything. Believe in yourself, if you really find a way of existing in this world beyond all doubt then nobody can take that away from you.

>>short anonymousWhen you get hungry, eat;When you get sleepy, lay down.Fools may laugh at me,But wise people will know what I mean to say.

At what point do I throw in the towel and say “Well, I gave it my best shot and zazen just doesn’t seem to work, or at least not for me — I guess I better go spend that half hour a day some other way?

“Work” depends on your personal goal. What one person finds satisfying, another may not.

From what I’ve seen in other practitioners, after several weeks of daily practice you can expect to be a calmer person. There will be a sense of peace after you practice, but it will be easily disrupted by disturbing circumstances.

That sense of calm will continue to deepen as you practice. According to my teacher, you don’t get recognition of the nature of mind (kensho in Zen) until there are definite periods of no thoughts in your meditation practice. When recognition happens is highly variable: anywhere from one year to thirty years of daily practice. A lot depends on the individual here. Trying to fit your practice into an intellectual box is the usual problem.

Even after kensho, you can be a total jerk and loser. (Met one or two myself.) The job here is applying the insight one has gained in practice to your behavior. This is the work of a lifetime.

This is just my observations. Other opinions may differ.

I’m not saying the effort will be worth it to everyone. If you’d rather spend your time playing Final Fantasy or sucking down a latte, be my guest. But I have no regrets about my practice.

Nicely put, Jinzang. And thanks for answering my question a few articles back.

I see zen as a stabilizing force in my life. I sometimes get irritable or annoyed at very trivial matters and so the almost therapeutic calm that comes with zazen is invaluble. I am more aware and in a generally friendly mood if I’ve been doing zazen properly. I am also keen on keeping my apartment clean and tidy when my mind is calm.

I’m on my friends lap top at the Days Inn in Indianapolis. I went to a special event for Kurt Vonnegut Jr., in which his son, Mark, read Kurt’s planned speech. It was amazing, and pretty damn funny too. Afterwards, we went to Borders. I was browsing the Buddhist section and to my suprise(I thought the release date was in May) Sit Down and Shut up was starring me in the face. I would have came right to the hotel and started reading, but we decided to go see HOT FUZZ; the movie was hilarious, I highly recommend it. Well, I’m off to start reading SD&SU.; Looking forward to the conversations that are sparked from the book on here. Later.

Brad,I just finished reading your 2nd book and in my opinion it’s a classic. It tickles my brain and my guts like the best Zen writing does. Your 1st book was great and your 2nd one is even better. Congratulations and thank you.Bill

Nicely put, Jinzang. And thanks for answering my question a few articles back.

Thanks. I hate the cryptic pseudo-Zen style, so I always try to explain things as clearly as I can. But that clarity comes at a certain cost, and that’s distortion. What Zen is pointing at can’t be put into words and trying to do so is like making a flat map of our spherical world.

From one perspective enlightenment is something you can get by practicing hard. From another perspective, we’re all enlightened already and trying to achieve something through practice is just putting a hat on a donkey. When I write I do it with the intention of helping people. But don’t take what I right too seriously, practice and see for yourself what’s so.

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