Parental Guidance is the kind of movie that just shouldn’t really exist. During December when some of the very best films of the year are being released to vie for some awards attention we sometimes get stuff like this, family movies that are just absolutely horrible and that, like is also the case with this one, still manage to make a nice buck. Plus, no disrespect to them, but Billy Crystal and Bette Midler shouldn’t be the headliners of a movie in this decade.

Nearly twelve years after we got Monsters Inc.Pixar is prepping up to give us Monsters University as their 2013 offering a year from now. There’s a teaser out for it now, which you can watch after the cut.

Finally, we come to the end of yet another exhaustive awards season. Though not as infuriating as the one of last year (in which The King’s Speech ended up stealing momentum from the far-superior The Social Network), there’s still stuff that will get people angry (little to none recognition for Drive and Shame? C’mon) and stuff that will make people overjoyed (The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo winning Editing last night was a high point of the ceremony for me), but awards seasons always end up feeling tiresome, and yet I always watch them every step of the way and once they’re over I vow never to follow one as closely ever again, even though I know I’m full of it.

But anyways, back to the point, last night the 84th Academy Awards took place, and there were very little surprises insofar as the actual winners of the night, but there were a few things about the ceremony itself that I think are worth mentioning. So here’s my recap, first we’ll take a look at the list of winners with a brief impression of what I thought about each of them, and then we’ll look at the the good and bad parts about last night’s ceremoney.

LIST OF WINNERS

BEST PICTURE: The Artist – I predicted this one correctly and it’s not as though anyone was questioning it. When Hugo started winning the technical awards and The Artist had just 2 trophies heading into the final four awards of the night people were doubting it, but then came Harvey Weinstein and took those four awards (three for this film, the other for Meryl Streep).

BEST DIRECTOR: Michel Hazanavicius – Another one that was easy to predict. It was still kind of odd to see an unknown Frenchman triumphing over four American masters, though.

BEST ACTOR: Jean Dujardin – Clooney couldn’t prevail, though I think this one was really close. Dujardin won’t be able to transition into American films in which he actually has to talk though, at least I don’t think so, so this was his only chance.

BEST ACTOR: Meryl Streep – YES! That’s all I can say about this win, which was the biggest surprise about this whole thing. Yes, Meryl was always in the running for this one, but people already thought it was Davis’ award after she won the SAG. I don’t care how people say this win won’t age well and won’t help Streep’s chances for future Oscars, all I know is that it had been 29 years since the greatest ever won one, it needed to happen as soon as possible. And I’m already looking forward to her fourth.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Christopher Plummer – This could have been one of the biggest yawns because this was the surest bet there was, but Plummer’s eloquent and graceful speech made it one of the highlights of the night for me.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Octavia Spencer – Another sure-thing that happened and that was still awesome because Spencer was just so genuinely excited and everybody at home felt it.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Midnight in Paris – Woody Allen’s record third win in this category. He wasn’t there to accept it, naturally, but Angelina Jolie’s leg did just fine.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: The Descendants – This is the category in which the Academy chose to reward this masterful film. Getting Alexander Payne his second Oscar (let’s hope the third will be for directing) and getting Jim Rash (Dean Pelton!) to show that Angelina isn’t the only one that can rock a sexy stance.

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM: A Separation – Good thing they honored such an amazing film.

BEST DOCUMENTARY: Undefeated – I wasn’t expecting this one, honestly. Guess having Diddy in your camp helps. Or maybe it’s just that Weinstein magic at it again.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE: Rango – Obviously.

BEST EDITING: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo – One of the biggest surprises of the night. This when people first started (wrongly) assuming The Artist may not have Best Picture in the bag after all. And I loved that Baxter and Wall are now consecutive winners of this award, too bad there’s no Fincher film this year so they can make it three.

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY: Hugo – Look, Hugo was my favorite film 2011 and I’m super glad it racked up so many technical wins and tied The Artist for most overall, but it’s a seriously horrible snub that The Tree of Life didn’t get this one.

BEST ART DIRECTION: Hugo – As well as it should.

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE: The Artist – I like this guy’s speeches quite a bit. All of The Artist‘s team gave good speeches, actually.

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS: Hugo – I think not even the winners thought they were ever gonna triumph over Rise of the Planet of the Apes or Harry Potter here. It’s as though the Academy thought “We’re not gonna give Hugo any of the big awards, so let’s give it all of the small ones”.

BEST SOUND MIXING: Hugo – Why not?.

BEST SOUND EDITING: Hugo – Again, why not? Sound Oscars I don’t know how to call, but I predicted Hugo for both categories so I’m happy, though I was still crossing fingers for a Drive win.

BEST COSTUME DESIGN: The Artist – I kind of wanted any other film to win here, but I got my prediction right.

BEST MAKEUP: The Iron Lady – Well, that’s it people, Harry Potter shut out from the Oscars yet again.

Overall I think I did okay, predicting 16 out of 21, which is pretty respectable.

THE GOOD

Billy Crystal’s opening montage inserting himself into the nominated films. This is what his hosting gigs are known for, and I liked it. That kiss with Clooney was pretty damn funny.

Octavia Spencer being so in the moment on her acceptance speech.

Christopher Guest’s hilarious The Wizard of Oz-inspired mockumentary.

Emma. Stone. She stole the show for me.

Christopher Plummer making the wives of every other winner feel bad because their husbands weren’t as awesome to them as he was to his wife. Seriously, what a speech.

Scorsese! (Best drinking game ever)

Meryl Streep. Period.

THE BAD

Every other thing about Billy Crystal’s hosting gig that wasn’t him inserting himself into the nominated films. It just felt too safe, too dated, too much like all of his other hosting gigs. I needed something fresher. Let’s hope next year’s host is a new, fresh face not named James Franco.

The fact that The Muppets were there to introduce a segment and not to perform their nominated song.

The celebrity interview packages did it at times for me, but as a whole I just didn’t really love them at all.

The horrible sound.

Billy Crystal’s The Help joke. It was cringe-worthy. The only time he went for something a bit edgy in humor and he was way off.

Dwayne Johnson has become a really reliable guy for Disney, even in this one, which is down-right horrible as far as script and direction go, he still brings a helluva lot of charm to the table, in the end that’s not enough for us the more adult portion of the audience but I do think the portion of the audience that still believes in the tooth fairy will probably enjoy it. And it has Stephen Merchant in it, so that helps.

The film proposes a whole work force of fairies, commanded by Julie Andrews, who sentence Johnson’s character, a hockey player called Derek, to a term in Fairy Land because he nearly killed a child’s illusion on the fairy. Dwayne Johnson, as I said, is a really solid actor for this type of Disney fare, he no great actor, but he’s solid, funny and charming which is all Disney needs to entertain the kids.

But the thing is that I’m kinda getting tired about that being it, mostly because many kiddie films are now at least trying to get in the adult vote as well, and this one just doesn’t, sure, it has Stephen Merchant as I noted before, and he’s nifty as hell, as he always is, but he’s not the main focus of the film. It also has Julie Andrews and Billy Crystal, who are fun, but who don’t really stretch that much into their roles, roles they probably only took for a nice paycheck, nothing wrong with that, just making an observation.

Sure, Tooth Fairy harms no one, and it’s not completely horrible to watch, and I guess some kids will get a kick out of it, but the thing is that it was boring as hell, at least for me, and I’ve had it with dull films so I give this one no letter of recommendation whatsoever and a low grade, which would be a tad lower were it not for Merchant.

Les Misérables is a bit too over-the-top and pompous, but it’s still seriously well-made, with a passion and energy that translates to the performances (with one critical omission) even if it doesn’t always do the same with the vocals. Read my review for it here.

Zero Dark Thirty, Kathryn Bigelow’s follow-up to The Hurt Locker is an undeniable masterpiece, a film that’s both disturbing and 100% necessary, the most vital film about post-9/11 America. Read my review for it here.