a culturo-cosmic adventure

Just as the ancient Greeks, Egyptians, and Norse had their gods, villains, and heroes, Miami now has a legendary saga based on thehyperbolic surrealism that is living in South Florida. You will be introduced to a wholly unique universe with its own, often absurd, deities and norms—much like the city from which it’s inspired, and journey from the beginning of the universe, when Pachango the Creator first awoke on his divine pin pan pun, to when the cubanos and their fellow Latinics quite literally tumbled out of the waves and onto Miami’s shores. Along the way, you’ll learn answers to deep existential questions, such as: Where do croquetas come from? Who is the god of chisme? And why is everyone late to everything?

Spic. Janitor. Fidel. Drug dealer. Communist. Rafter. Affirmative action poser. Scarface. Boat rower. Lettuce picker. Lawn service. Shark food. Spot-stealer (of a deserving non-Hispanic White). These are some of the many insults hurled at me by White Cadets after leaving Miami to attend the United State Military Academy at West Point.

The kiss on the cheek as a greeting is one of Miami’s most famous cultural institutions. Tourists often mistook it as a sign of our promiscuous nature. We often ascribed that mistake to them being uncouth boors.

“I really just want to drive 60 miles an hour in a school zone against traffic on a one-way street. Then I want to honk and curse at everyone else going the right way. Even better if their children hear it.”

The creature emerged slowly, first its massive head, followed by muscular shoulders, back, and haunches. An unmistakable predator, it appeared to be a rough cross between a hyena and a very large, gray, hairless dog. A pronounced spinal ridge ran from its neck to its bony tail. The animal trotted across the street, never taking its eyes off us. Three others quickly followed suit.