Cleaning Out My Closet

HIM: (Hysterical) What’s going on? Are you leaving me?
ME: You know your karma is too bad for that to EVER happen.
HIM: Then why have you taken down all of your awards and dismantled your trophy case?
ME: That boy doesn’t live here anymore.
HIM: What do you mean?
ME: I mean success is measured in the moment, not in the past, or by public opinion. It’s not important how many awards I’ve won, what degrees I’ve completed. What’s important is am I being the best I can be right here, right now.
HIM: Are you sure you’re not planning to run away with Jamarr?
ME: You know I don’t run. And if I did, I’d run away from him, not with him.
HIM: And you moved the television out of the bedroom.
ME: i don’t watch television. I needed the room for my chanting space.
HIM: But you’re going to have a television show.
ME: All the more reason to make room for my chanting space.
HIM: WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU? You’ve taken down all of the pictures of yourself on the wall. I think you’re leaving me.
ME: I need you to drill a hole in the wall.
HIM: NO! I’m NOT drilling a hole in the wall. OKAY FINE. I just want to come home and rest and you’re remodeling the house! (Has a tantrum, drills the hole too large, has another tantrum, spackles the hole, storms out of the house)
15 minutes later
HIM: Honey I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to be a jerk,
ME: That’s the beauty of you, you don’t have to try to be a jerk.
HIM: So you’re saying I’m a jerk?
ME: I’m saying, let’s just laugh and let it go.
HIM: What? This is NOT like you. You’re not bitchy! You’re being tidy and organized, you’re huge ego has shrank, it’s freaking me out. EVERYTHING about you has changed.
ME: Not everything. My favorite color is still thick. And you’re welcome….
HIM: for what?
ME: Close the door you’ll see…
HIM: What? Now sex and I don’t even have to beg? This is TOO WEIRD!

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drbillyg

Dr. Gordon’s blog, Obesely Speaking, on Psychology Today, has over a quarter of a million readers, and he has an equally popular blog on the Huffington Post. Most recently Dr. Gordon was honored by being included on the list of the “The World’s 30 Most Influential Neuroscientists Alive Today.“