Thursday, 9 May 2013

You are TWO months old

You reached your two month milestone days ago, time is fleeting, I didn't even realise. So much has changed since you were one month, you have changed. The last month has felt like a lifetime. You were born a cranky baby and then you became happy and calm and peaceful. Only to revert back to your cranky baby ways, weeks later.This last month has been heart breaking, for you and for me. You are in a world of pain and discomfort and there is no amount of attention, rocking, swaying and soothing that I can do to take that pain away for you. I hold you in my arms, day and day out and I watch you wiggle and squirm and cry. All that I can do is hold you and tell you that I am here for you. I cant help but to cry with you.We don't sleep, you and I, yet we both so desperately want to. I can see exhaustion plastered over your face. Your eyes are swollen by tiredness, your cries are becoming weaker. You are fighting to sleep but your pain keeps you awake. I wish I could help you, darling girl. Please know that I do try, I try everything I can to bring you peace.You are not enjoying your time here with us, I can see your body stricken with desperation. I am not enjoying watching you suffer. But I need you to know that this will soon pass, for both of us. That I love you, no matter the circumstances. And that I will see you through this, I will hold your hand and I will find an answer.We have a paediatrician appointment on Monday and I will be fighting for you to be medicated for silent reflux. I pray that by this time next week you can find your calm again and that you can start enjoying this life. Because, Zalia, it really is a beautiful life, a beautiful world and I want you to smile while you are in it.Regardless of your pain and unhappiness, you are growing well. You are beginning to really lose you new baby-ness and come into your own. You are beautiful, the most beautiful. You look just like your Sister did and that just makes me smile. My two perfect girls. She loves you so. And you love her right back. You are a baby with so much love in your eyes, the way you look at us, staring deep within our souls. I know that you know us, you have known us for longer than we know. I love you, Dear Zali Bear and I will love you til the endxx