Sister Without Voice

Michael ArceneauxFebruary 5, 2013

According to Uberfacts, which admittedly is often wrong as all hell, eurotophobia is the fear of female genitalia. I don’t know if I caught it or just have working ears, but there is no way in hell anyone should let a vagina to sway them into letting this song happen. C’mon nah, Rich Dollaz? Was it that good or does your storyline demand this happen no matter how much people pan it? Neither answer will be deemed acceptable, in case you were wondering.

This track may not be the worst thing in the world, but the world didn’t need it to happen. If Jennifer Lopez is Target, this Erica Mena ballad is the off brand store that took over the rent of the Dollar General Store that moved to another storefront. Frankly, I’m over this trend of every single reality star known to man believing the need a single to boost their profile or cover the rent.

It’s time for us as a people to stand up and say: enough. Yes, Ja Rules’ greatest hits might surprisingly have more shelf life than many of us would care to admit. Okay, okay: “Tardy For The Party” still works. Regardless, both allowed this hotheaded reality star to not only record a song that requires Autotune pushing itself to its limit, but have the nerve to release it, too.

As I write this, I’m realizing that life is going to issue a clap back in the form of this song being stuck in my head. I’m going to rebuke that by listening to King Bey and Usher…the good years, though.

You know what? Let me end this on a nice-esque note.

If Erica manages to record a song that actually makes sense for her i.e. some kind of awful rap over a cheap trap beat about busting a bottle upside some other person’s head, then maybe I’ll be less judgmental. But this current song is something I cannot commit to. She’s got some sort of mindless behavior when it comes to her singing capabilities or lack thereof, and no matter how much people miss J.Lo and Ashanti, that is not her void to fill.

Try again. Or you know, not at all.

P.S. If “eurotophobia” is a fear of the cat trap, I’d like to nominate “boiyuckophobia” as the term to describe people afraid of men who refer to their love bend-overs as a “bussy.” That shit is stupid, gross, and wrong. Add it to your lexicons, and well, stop saying that. For the love of God, stop it.