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The importance of independent play

Playing and interacting with our children has a range of well-known benefits: it builds relationships, strengthens bonds, fosters learning and, best of all, children love it. But that doesn’t mean we need to be playing with our children all of the time. Nor does it mean we need to provide all of their entertainment for them when together time is over, lest we feel guilty for leaving them bored. On the contrary, leaving children to figure out what to do with themselves is actually good for them.

Encouraging creativity in children

Creativity requires ingenuity, the ability to break through boredom and to make-do. Here are some of the ways you can help creativity flourish in your child.

“While kids need a few things in their room that they can play with – particularly things such as building blocks, coloruing in pencils, books, dolls, cars, etc. – I have to say the more toys you give them, the less likely they are to be creative in their play,” says child psychologist Judith Locke.

“Many parents will recognise that some of the things kids play with the most are odd things like a tape measure or a pair of tongs.”

Locke says it’s important to keep a check on their toys – they really shouldn’t have so many that they don’t appreciate what they have – or play with what they do have. “When kids get everything they want, this can lead to them expecting everything they want, which can lead to future dissatisfactions, even credit card debt.”

Leaving children to play independently teaches kids to be creative, learn to solve problems and be self-reliant as this mum has discovered.

Encouraging creativity and sponteneity

Mum of three, Isabel De Bono says although she organises structured play activities that she does together with the kids, she feels children learn more from independent play and exploration. “I allow my children to play on their own a lot. I put out various activities and they choose what they want to play,” says De Bono. “This not only teaches them that they don't have to rely on me but it gives them the opportunity to do what they want to do, not just do an activity I choose for them.”

Easy independent play ideas

For some parents, the concept of independent play can be confusing. Locke suggest the following ideas:

Set your kids up with a few interesting things (a box, some blocks, a few toys) and then just let them play. Occasionally come back to check on them, and give them positive attention for amusing themselves.

Don’t stage-manage all of your children’s activities – the trick is to have them learn to amuse themselves.

Occasionally, don’t direct them at all – sit and back and see if your kids can find things to do. Typically they will gravitate to you, but make sure there are a few interesting things for them to do within easy reach, so you can do what you need to do and they can amuse themselves without needing you all of the time.

Struggling with mother guilt

Of course, when it comes to simply leaving children to their own devices, many parents struggle with guilt, feeling as though it’s their job to entertain their children at all times. It’s important to remember that you’re actually doing your kids a favour and teaching them skills they'll use for life. We're parents, not playmates.

“I believe children are children and ‘just play’ is an important part of that learning,” says De Bono. “If children can play independently it frees up time to do things I have to do. This enables me to feel guilt-free if I choose to sit around some days and just watch them play or do various activities with them if I wanted to.

“If I have something to do I know that they will be OK to play for a while without me. I have always tried to give my children as many experiences as I can as they grow up,” De Bono says. “Children are like sponges when they are young. They crave information. But they also enjoy exploring and finding out things on their own.”