You have to realize how complicated this is for my clients. On many levels, they really wish that their own kids deserved the money. But they feel like they couldn't live with themselves if their kids were rewarded after years of bad, irresponsible behavior. In the meantime, like you said, if they tell their kids now it will cause tremendous conflict in the family. It will be heartbreaking either way. This way, they can live with themselves NOW and feel like the most deserving people are inheriting. If things turn around and their relationship with their kids improves, they can always change things then. I always say - we don't chisel their estate plan into stone. It's a Word document. It can be changed with the click of a key.

If the trust is well written and the right fiduciaries are put in place to manage it, it's locked up tight. Doesn't mean there won't be litigation or that the parents won't try to manipulate the grandkids, but there is no way for the parents to gain control of the trust.

A few of your points are valid, but I have to say you're really making a lot of assumptions about people you don't know. I would hope folks would realize that there are a lot of specific details here that I could never go into on Reddit since I can't breach confidentiality and risk giving details that might make the clients identifiable. Suffice it to say, they didn't do this just to f*ck with their adult children, they're doing it because it would be grossly irresponsible of them to have a large estate and conduct no estate planning whatsoever. At the end of the day, it's their hard earned money and they can do with it whatever they choose. They have to leave their money to someone and they love their grandchildren dearly, and their grandchildren love them back - while their kids have been pretty shitty to them. I'm sure there's been some dysfunction there for years. And I'm sure my clients shoulder some of the blame. I've also worked with enough high net worth individuals to know that the second generation in high net worth families often turns out bad for whatever reason. Here, my clients know that this will cause some discord between their grandkids and their parents, BUT, guess what, my clients kid's have been pretty shitty parents to their own children too. There's no easy answer for everyone. They just can't bear the thought of leaving millions to their children who have treated them badly and been ungrateful for years. And guess what, that's their right.

The grandchildren are the sole beneficiaries of the trust. Money cannot be distributed directly from the trust to anyone but them. If they choose to voluntarily help their parents out by giving them some, they can, BUT, it can only be done with the authorization of the trustee who is appointed with making all judgment calls on distributions. The independent trustee is who will protect the children from their own bad choices or the pressure of their parents. Even though one of the grandchildren is still a minor, his disinherited father literally has no say over how the money from the trust gets used.

Haven't had to break this news yet, but anticipating some tough conversations down the road once my clients actually die. Clients have amassed significant wealth ($20 million+), working like dogs their entire lives to build a successful business. Children have been involved in family business, but like many children of successful parents, aren't quite as hardworking as my clients, take a lot for granted, etc. They've lived beyond their means for years and have made it clear that they're not too worried about the future cause they'll get mom and dad's money someday. Problem is, my clients have become increasingly fed up with their adult children and have decided to skip them entirely and leave everything in trust to their grandchildren (whom they adore and who seem to have turned out great, despite their shitty parents). From what I understand, client's children have lived beyond their means for years and saved very little, cause they're expecting to inherit millions. Going to be a harsh reality when they learn after the last of their parents dies that they're getting nothing. I'm sure there will be litigation over the estate so I've gone and above and beyond documenting clients wishes to demonstrate that they knew EXACTLY what they were doing. Families are crazy sometimes.

Well, that's the end of THAT suit! (whenever something or some situation is fucked beyond repair... from Blazing Saddles, when the town gets sacked and the guy dressed a full black suit and stovepipe hat like Abe Lincoln gets tied up and dragged through the mud. My whole family says it and always knows exactly what is meant.

No matter how many stories I read or hear about child abuse, there are times I read something like this and simply cannot believe I live in a world where this exists. The thought is almost to painful to bear.

Start working out, establish good habits and lose those extra 10lbs now, because it will just keep creeping up little by little and after you've had 2 kids in your 30's the extra 30 lbs you're now carrying is just going to get harder and harder to lose.

Back in November I saw a facebook post from an old childhood friend who had been hit with some bad luck, had her car towed, and due to having a precarious financial situation generally, was just really down about it. This person has always been a generally awesome person, always positive, sweet, making the best of bad situations... just a general force for positivity in the world. But I've watched her struggle for the past few years despite her best efforts sometimes. What killed me the most was her comment that when you have no family really involved in your life, you have no one to lean on when things go bad. She deserves better than that. I've had a safety net below me my entire life and knew that having my car towed would be a pain in the ass, but wouldn't even come close to wiping me out financially. Had no idea where she was living these days, so I reached out to someone who posts a lot on her facebook page (who doesn't know me) and asked her if she would be willing to get me my old friend's address so I could send her some cash anonymously. Friend of friend comes through, and the week before Christmas I sent her $200 cash anonymously and a letter telling her that she's awesome, to keep her chin up, etc. and to pay it forward when she could. I had no idea if she even received it and then a couple days before Christmas she actually took a photo of the letter on Facebook and wrote the most beautiful thank you to me - having no clue who I am. I don't think I've ever felt so good or cried so much in my life. Sending $200 was just another Christmas gift to me, but for her it was everything. I'm so glad I did it. Haven't told another soul until now... not my parents, who know her too, or my husband, who would think it was insane. Only person who knows is the chick who got me her address. I think it was the single best thing about my Christmas this year.

Another attorney here, just wanted to confirm that /U/EroticVelour is right on point with his/her advice. I haven't read many of the other responses, but this is the right start. Also, really sorry to hear about your mom. You sound like you're being very pragmatic, but really, this is devastating. I wish you and your sister the best. Also, thank you for donating her organs. My mother in law was saved with a liver transplant 6 years ago. You're doing something miraculous for other families. Good luck to you.