Tag Archives: Love

It is time of the year again. I’ll refrain from making the usual references on how commercialised the day is, how sickeningly sweet everywhere will be, and how distressed boyfriends would get…

… but oh, I did just that.

But more to the point, I realised that love is something best not left to fate. Especially so if you don’t want to be left on the shelf. Those who claimed others who are practical in love are not in love have obviously never been single for too long.

That is like some sort of weird tongue twister.

So this year, singletons like me should go out and be lovely, lovable, loved. As much as love can be a chemical reaction in your brain, it also make your world goes around.

Today I met up with an ex-date for the first time after our break up…. if you can call it that.

(Breaking up, apparently, is only for couples who were actually committed to each other. I don’t know about you, but I do think that breaking up means your heart was broken when you break up with someone. My heart did, so it was a break up. And I think it is a disease that I can’t blog without going to lengthy explanation in parentheses of some terms I used.)

The venue of choice was Inn Side Out, which was already packed with peanut-crunching, beer-guzzling customers by the time I arrived. While waiting for my ex-date to arrive, I spend many happy minutes crunching peanuts, guzzling beer and reading Mimi Smartypants.

Oh, happy times.

Anyway, the ex-date arrived and we caught up with each other’s lives. Maybe I had one beer too many, but I spilled some beer, salad and beef nachos onto my pants. Staring at the stain in dismay, I jokingly said that I am a full meal from the waist down; appetiser, main course and beverage.

That sounded a lot dirtier than I intended it to be.

Anyway, on to the ex-date. It might not be a closure, but it certainly was good knowing that we have moved on to better places.

And if you can separate what is fiction and what is not in this blog post, I would love to know you.

I almost believed him when he said all the relationship books are bullshit and should be burnt.

I almost believed him when he said all men think of are orifices and the next blow job.

I almost believed him when he said all women think of are men who scored the perfect resume.

So, why oh why, did the realistically-speaking him turned all textbook-like at the end of the movie? Of course I see that coming, but it made the most unrealistic ones of us to believe that fairy tales and lovey fantasies are stuff of reality.

I am confused. The ugly truth? Beats the shit out of me. Now I have to continue to believe in that, yes, someone out there, will love me the way I am, and not who I pretend to be.

The movie is absolutely wonderful for great laughs though. Highly recommended for dates on weekends.

Do you have an online profile on a dating website? And if you do, what do you write under “What am I looking for?” column?

It irks me how people people approach dating and relationship like they are shopping. When they go for their first date with a “prospect”, it is as if they are shopping for clothes. Does the collar fit? Is the cutting flattering? Does the colour suit my skin? Is that the best price? Can it go with my pants?

If the said date is lucky to fulfill most of this mental checklist, he might have that second date. On the rare occasion when one fulfills all the criteria, he will be asked to go for the next date.

One of my online pals agrees with me:

I am always dubious of people with very specific requirements for any potential partner; perhaps I’m just a romantic at heart. I have plenty of preferences, but I think you have to be willing to adapt. Online dating sites are chocked full of people with a huge list of what they want to take out of any relationship, and absolutely no idea what they can put into one. Or, often, no intention of putting anything in at all.

Why do people always focus on what the other party can contribute to the relationship, and not what they themselves can bring to the table? Are we so focused on what we need that we lost sight that a relationship is made up of two person?

Like how Cowboy Caleb dissed a blogger on how she only think of “me! me! me!” (that sounded like Ris Low, by the way), I hope the day will come when most of us think of the other person first, then oneself.

Let me walk my talk. So what can I bring to the table?

1) The person will become the top priority of my life, without question

2) Expect adventure and excitement in exploring places unknown

3) A wedding of the century, one that is spectacular and memorable for years to come

4) A strong sense of family and security that only a stable home can bring

When you know what you can offer to your other half, you’ll inevitably create your own “shopping list” without seeming to do so. Do you know why?

“The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed.

It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages. Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side.

This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.

The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each otherâ€™s laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.

This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each others company over the long term.

If your laughter together is good and healthy and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.

Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.

After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you canâ€™t accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.

Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance does not become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.

There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny.

If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.”

It seems only yesterday you sat across me sharing a pitcher of beer. Life stories, common interests, insider jokes flowed smoothly that night. It seems like we have known each other forever.

How would I known our fairy tale will take a turn for the unexpected??

And now you are sitting across me again sharing a tiramisu (well, almost). Same laughter, same knowing look, same understanding. Perhaps, had you decided differently, my decision today would not have been the same.

I wouldn’t know, and I shouldn’t think about the possibilities.

I thought it was the start of something new… but it has become the end of something golden.

The look of happiness on your face & the glimpse of contentment in your eyes – Priceless.

No matter what happens down the road, babe, you will never lose me. That’s a promise I made to you, and I intend to keep it. Thank you for the best Valentine’s Day dinner, ever, even if it’s a day late.