The Legal Cheek team reads out your mean comments

Legal Cheek’s popular comments section is, more often than not, a fiery blend of careers advice, industry tittle-tattle and abuse — much of the latter being aimed at us. With that in mind, and to show there are no hard feelings, we thought it was about time we took a break from editorial duties to read out some of our favourite mean comments.

60 Comments

Not the Droid you're looking for

Wonkette – whose twitter feed I can highly recommend- does this with a bit more polish and witty comebacks.
Maybe use that as an example for the next one?
Just sayin’

(2)(3)

Anonymous

Sep 8 2017 2:12pm

Alex, you’re not paying Katie enough to do this shit for you.

I actually can’t believe this is your news story on a Friday.

(36)(5)

Rupert; a US firm associate

Sep 8 2017 3:29pm

I just wanted to say that I feel a degree of pride and satisfaction That one of my comments made it onto that list.

You stay exactly what you are like, LC.

(9)(0)

Anonymous

Sep 8 2017 4:01pm

what is a Rupert?

(2)(1)

Anonymous

Sep 8 2017 9:09pm

It’s a name. Albeit rare and you don’t hear it every day.

(0)(1)

Rupert; a US firm associate

Sep 9 2017 8:10am

Actually, I do.

(11)(1)

Anonymous

Sep 9 2017 8:51am

Ah! Poopert Bear!

Nice of you to join us again!

(1)(0)

Anonymous

Sep 9 2017 7:21pm

Come on. Everyone knows his name.

Everyone come and join in all of his games..

(1)(0)

Rupert; a US firm associate

Sep 9 2017 8:46pm

Actually, my surname is de Beere.

Nothing funny about that.

1.56 of drivel

Sep 8 2017 2:21pm

At least you can sit back and lightheartedly accept just how shit you actually are.

(10)(3)

Anonymous

Sep 8 2017 2:23pm

Of all the comments those were a bit tame. Why none of the sexually suggestive stuff?

(2)(1)

Anonymous

Sep 8 2017 2:33pm

This is almost a challenge to commentators to up their game!

That said, there are not many fora on the internet nowadays where one can comment anonymously, so it’s bound to attract the trolls.

(3)(1)

Corbyn. Symphathiser

Sep 8 2017 2:52pm

I don’t feel that I need to up my game, but I do agree with your second point.

(1)(3)

Anonymous

Sep 8 2017 7:17pm

You do as you’re not the real Corbyn. Sympathiser. which just makes you extremely weird.

(9)(0)

Anonymous

Sep 10 2017 10:02am

Does that mean you’re the real Corbyn. Sympathiser? Aren’t you all equal cuck comrades? Isn’t all property ownership the hallmark of the fascist?

(0)(4)

Anonymous

Sep 10 2017 2:09pm

You’re the cuckiest cuck that ever cucked

(4)(0)

Anonymous

Sep 10 2017 6:42pm

Your rhymes indicate you to be the beta of all betas. Pussy.

(0)(5)

Anonymous

Sep 8 2017 2:36pm

Legal Cheek might still be the journalistic equivalent of what a horse with food poisoning drops in a field but at least the staff have some sense of humour, which is more than I can say for many of the LC commenters

(35)(2)

Anonymous

Sep 8 2017 2:37pm

cuck

(1)(2)

Anonymous

Sep 8 2017 3:03pm

duck

(1)(1)

Anonymous

Sep 9 2017 8:51am

Schmuck

(1)(0)

Anonymous

Sep 9 2017 10:33am

Fuck.

(1)(0)

Anonymous

Sep 11 2017 9:10am

How original, Twatfish!

(0)(0)

Anonymous

Sep 8 2017 2:44pm

You are not news.

Worse than those Reacting to… videos on youtube

(33)(7)

Anonymous

Sep 11 2017 1:26pm

It’s ok Alex and co, the cameras are off – you can all cry now at how much we think you’re all rubbish

(21)(1)

Anonymous

Sep 11 2017 3:11pm

And yet here you are…

(1)(1)

Frustrated Writer

Sep 8 2017 2:55pm

It was now two weeks since the meeting with the Reporter. Alex was desperate. He had begged the friends he had left for some cash to restart the trolling, but none would lend him a penny. In his heart of hearts he knew that it was a long shot, and if he was them, having doled out hundreds, if not thousands, of hard earned pounds over the years, only to see it lost at the dog track or some basement casino he wouldn’t have provided any cash either.

Alex had sat for hours in the garage that was his home, filling his note pad with idea after idea to get more traffic. None would work. More retention articles? No. The same. An article about previous articles? Just more recycled nonsense.

He was done. It was time to end it all. Not just Legal Cheek, but his miserable life as it was. Alex had to close down the Legal Cheek office, cut his losses, change his name and end it all once and for all. He made the arrangements via a few underworld contacts he had from the one loan shark he had paid off. He had lined up a tasty new job, new identity and papers. No one would suspect the quiet Polish man named Aleksander picking strawberries in the Kent countryside with his fellow countrymen had been the owner of a low level legal news website.

The day arrived to leave. A van would meet him at a bus stop a short walk from his mum’s house. Alex had held a small bonfire in the back garden, ritually burning every Lord Denning t-shirt he had. He hoped that would banish his bad luck.

Alex packed a small backpack with the essentials. A change of clothes, some toiletries and a picture of himself in happier times, arm around Judge Rinder. He had ignored the grimace on the judge’s face when he looked at that picture so many times, and couldn’t bear to be parted with it.

Alex looked around his mum’s house one last time, and entered the small living room. Alex’s mum was asleep in her arm chair, TV still blaring in the background. Alex delicately placed a throw over her, being careful not to wake her. The note would explain everything. It would take her a week or two to build the courage to enter the garage, and him disappearing that long wasn’t unusual, so he knew that he had a head start.

Just as he was leaving, Alex heard the hallway phone ring. It only ever rang for debt collectors or that one person he wanted to speak to. Without thinking, Alex picked up.

“Well, as much as I hate to admit it, I don’t want to lose the little payments you do make. So here’s an idea you can have for free. Listen up.”.

Alex was so eager he nodded, before he caught himself, realising it was a phone call. This was the kindest and longest conversation they had yet had.

“You’ve got to offer the biggest bait yet. A video. You and the whole team, even that student guy no-one can remember. Reading out the worst, vilest comments ever. They’ll lap it up.”.

Alex was stunned. He had worked through the night every day, drinking coffee and using all manner of energy drinks and worse but could find nothing as perfect and direct as that.

“Wow, thanks, I don’t know what to say” Alex stammered, incredulous by the Reporter’s genius.

“Say nothing, kid, just make the video. And for your information, there’s no more freebies”.

With that the line went dead. Alex punched the air. The last time he was this elated was when the Lord Harley storey topped 1,000 comments. He had work to do.

(56)(7)

Anonymous

Sep 8 2017 3:34pm

Yuo’re not the real FW. Not the same quality at all.

(5)(5)

Anonymous

Sep 8 2017 3:54pm

TL;DR

(3)(3)

Frustrated Writer

Sep 8 2017 4:07pm

That’s OK, skip over it then :-).

(3)(1)

Anonymous

Sep 8 2017 8:29pm

But you are ROF, right?

(1)(0)

Ciaran Goggins

Sep 11 2017 9:33am

The Commissar slammed his Nagan on the table “Why is there no sound?” The young Politruk shivered, he could smell the vodka plainly. “A plot by the Germans?”

(2)(0)

Jones Day Partner

Sep 8 2017 2:56pm

Sexy.

(3)(1)

Leigh Gay Trainee

Sep 8 2017 3:17pm

Fancy a bum?

(4)(0)

Jones Day Partner

Sep 8 2017 4:06pm

Does the tin-man have a sheet metal cock?

(2)(0)

Anonymous

Sep 8 2017 4:15pm

Trailer Park Boys?

(1)(0)

Emperor Palpatine

Sep 8 2017 2:57pm

Gooood, good … let the hate flow through you..

(13)(0)

Emperor Palpable

Sep 8 2017 3:15pm

And a darkness shall shroud the land… The prophecy is fulfilled..

But seriously, if you think it’s that S41t, why do you read it??? It’s not supposed to be high brow intellectual political discourse… It’s a laugh.. The clue is in the name.. “cheek”..

Lighten up… Open an private browsing window… Line up the toilet tissue… Relaaax..

Bunch of w42ker5…

(4)(1)

Martin McFly

Sep 8 2017 8:34pm

Hey! Lighten up, jerk!

(1)(1)

Anonymous

Sep 8 2017 10:45pm

What’s that McFly, are you yellow?

(5)(0)

Coldplay

Sep 9 2017 8:53am

🎼They were all yellow🎶

(1)(0)

Anonymous

Sep 8 2017 3:51pm

I’m sorry, but I’m a bit peeved off by this. Some of us put a lot of effort into our put-downs. Why did you gloss over them and read these rubbish ones?

(12)(1)

Jimmy Kimmel

Sep 8 2017 3:56pm

Should have edited to R.E.M – Everybody hurts

(1)(0)

Snowy McFlake

Sep 8 2017 8:34pm

This whole thing triggered me!

(1)(0)

Lindsey Cuckingham

Sep 9 2017 7:24pm

I was so triggered I could have been in Only Fools and Horses

(2)(0)

Anonymous

Sep 8 2017 4:04pm

I don’t like the inconsistent commenting policy

Why can’t we comment on the Norton Rose thread and post about how shit they treat their junior workers

(4)(0)

Anonymous

Sep 8 2017 4:09pm

The women at LC are very attractive.

Katie obviously. But who is that gorgeous dark-haired woman who appears in the video?

(Dear Ms Proudman, should you be reading this, the comments above are both complimentary and additional to the high regard in which I hold the work done by those attractive women. It goes without saying that women in the law (and journalism) are every bit as capable as their male peers. Not choosing to comment on women’s professional skills is therefore an advance in gender equality.)

(8)(2)

Barry the Barrister

Sep 8 2017 5:19pm

Hi, my name is Barry, can anybody help me join a new chambers please? KK rocks btw!!!

(4)(0)

Anonymous

Sep 8 2017 8:35pm

Hello Barrington,

I think 1 Grays Inn Square may have a place for someone of your calibre…

(2)(0)

Constable Goody

Sep 8 2017 6:26pm

YOU’RE SO MEAN!!!!

(0)(0)

Kinklaters

Sep 8 2017 8:23pm

Shame LC had to borrow the best content it’s had in 6 months from their comment section.

(5)(0)

Anonymous

Sep 9 2017 3:09pm

The first comment about Tommy’s bench press max had me in stitches.

(2)(0)

Anonymous

Sep 10 2017 1:01pm

I would visit Legal Cheek more if this was the only type of article they posted. The comments section is by far the best thing about this sad, pathetic website.

(5)(0)

Ciaran Goggins

Sep 11 2017 9:30am

Raises many questions – would you do this if not anonymous? If you hate LC why read it? Where do the LC lot, Katie, Alex, all of them, appear in the “Snowflake index”?

(0)(0)

Anonymous

Sep 11 2017 10:55am

If it wasnt anonymous there would be a fraction of the comments and LC knows that

(1)(0)

Anonymous

Sep 11 2017 3:18pm

Trash talk for a trash website

(1)(1)

Katie King

Sep 11 2017 11:23pm

After this, I blew some truckers and will be appearing a porno with Bill Cosby.

(3)(0)

Toby Bowden

Sep 11 2017 11:24pm

Where was the token black guy? All I saw was white and caramel.

(2)(0)

Wayne Rooney

Sep 11 2017 11:25pm

Katie, I left my shirt at your place, can I come and get it?

(2)(0)

Anonymous

Sep 13 2017 4:55pm

😂😂loving how Tom wore a tee that maximised his arms for that first comment 😂😂