LJ Idol Exhibit B - Topic 4 - ALL THE TOPICS

Once upon a time, there existed a magical land way, way, way, way, way below the surface of the Earth. Said land was called "Awful-Place-Where-Bad-People-Go When-They-Die-topia", and it was full of fire and lava and hot coals and the sun and blacktop in Texas in the summer and the inside of recently cooked Hot Pockets and Mila Kunis posters other generally hot things.

In this land (which henceforth will be referred to as "Sassfrassian" because that other name is way too long), there lived a little girl named Sassafrass.

Okay, hang on, because if the girl's name is Sassafrass and the land she lives in is Sassafrassian, things could get confusing. Let's call the land "Hotlandia" instead. That's much better.

So Sassafrass lived in Hotlandia, and she spent a lot of time riding on her horse, Wishy McWisherson. Wishy McWisherson had special powers. That's why she was so special to Sassafrass. But Sassafrass also had four sisters, and they were all hideously ugly, and constantly doing mean things to Sassafrass, so she didn't want to share Wishy McWisherson's secrets with any of them.

Oh, and by the way, their dad is the Devil. The same Devil who also just happens to be President of Hotlandia.

Anyway, one day Sassafrass had spent the day happily riding around Hotlandia on Wishy McWisherson (the horse) and everyone in Hotlandia loved her so much and they always showered her with love and affection whenever they saw her coming, and she made everyone smile with happiness and glee even though you're not supposed to feel happiness OR glee in Hotlandia.

So her dad the Devil decided something needed to be done.

He was all, "Family meeting," and his daughters were all, "Okay," and then they were having a family meeting.

"Girls," said the Devil. "Listen. I know you enjoy riding your horses around making people happy all the time, but you can't do that here. This is Hel -erm - Hotlandia. People in Hotlandia are supposed to be miserable and suffering and sad all the time. Not smiling at a dang girl on a horse."

The ugly, stupid sisters began to titter obnoxiously, because they totally knew their dad was talking about Sassafrass and not them.

"And anyway," the Devil continued, "you guys should know this better than anyone, since you guys are my daughters, the young people who live in the dark. The youth of Hotlandia who dwell in the shade of larger objects. The kids who linger in the shadows. The 'Shadow Children', if you will."

Molassessafrass couldn't take it anymore. She threw up her hands and pointed at Sassafrass. "Come on, dad, why do we have to be in this meeting when we all know it's her and that stupid pony she rides around on all day?"

Sassafrass pouted. "It's not a stupid pony. It's a magical horse."

"Oh, right," Jane snorted (she was the ugliest one, by the way). "A magical horse. Everyone knows it has the power to make people happy and smile all the time, even in Hotlandia."

"Okay then," her dad said, but in a way that implied he probably wasn't very convinced. "As long as there's no more happiness going on around here, we'll be fine."

That night, Sassafrass decided it was finally time to activate Wishy McWisherson's magical powers. So she crept out of bed and mounted her precious horse, then rode Wishy McWisherson right into her sisters' room.

"Hey, guys, wake up!" she shouted very loudly, and all of her ugly, mean, horrible sisters woke up.

Sassafrass pressed a secret button behind Wishy McWisherson's left ear and uttered the magic words, "Splooberdie-donk," as her sisters watched on curiously.

Wishy McWisherson's jaw unhinged, and a giant missile erupted from the horse's mouth, launching into the stupid, mean, nasty girls' quadruple bunk bed and tearing them all limb from limb.

"That'll teach them to make fun of me," Sassafrass said, and she went back to bed, and the next day she was elected the new President of Hotlandia.

THE END

The deadline loomed ahead of me and I could not for the life of me think of which topic to pick or what to write. Then I decided to just say "fuck it" and pick all of the topics and write ridiculous crack fic. The topics were: Give 'Em Hell!, "Does this look infected to you?", Shadow Children, and If Wishes Were Horses. I hope you enjoyed it!