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Please review the Essay

Please review the essay. If anything wrong, please correct it.

Essay Question:
Some people think that young people should be ambitious. Others believe that it is fine if young people do not have big aims in life.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Answer:
Around the world, people think that young people should have ambitions in life. Few people believe that it is fine if young people do not have any goals to achieve in life. I believe that young people should have the ambitions in life, which can take them one step ahead in the future.
Firstly, young people should be ambitious. When people are young, they should set the goal for their future. It should be achievable within the duration of five to ten years. For example, a person want to start the business after five years, he has to prepare the plan and execute it properly. When they achieve the goal, it makes the person more happy and perfect in his life. Other young people can take him as a role model for their future. Achieving the target makes the person distinguish among others. When they set their goal, they are very clear about their future, where it would lead them. Without goal, life would be incomplete.
On the other hand, few people believe that it would not make any impact if young do not have goals to achieve in life. When people set their goals, they have to concentrate more to achieve the goal. It may increase the work pressure to the person mind which cannot be tolerated at the young age. As a result, it may lead to mental disorder. They cannot participate on social activities. So, young person can lead their life without goals.
To conclude this topic, my opinion is that young person should be ambitious to lead the lavish life in the competitive world.

Re: Please review the Essay

Originally Posted by mgn_v

Please review the essay. If anything wrong, please correct it.

Essay Question:
Some people think that young people should be ambitious. Others believe that it is fine if young people do not have big aims in life.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Answer:
Around the world, people think that young people should have ambitions in life. Few people believe that it is fine if young people do not have any goals to achieve in life. I believe that young people should have the ambitions in life, which can take them one step ahead in the future.
Firstly, young people should be ambitious.
This is getting very repetitive. You need to try and vary your phrasing.

When people are young, they should set the goals / a goal for their future. It should be achievable within the duration of five to ten years. For example, if a person wants to start the business after five years, he has to prepare the plan and execute it properly. When they achieve the goal, it makes the person more happy and perfect in his life. Other young people can take him (you have 'him', 'they', 'him'. You need to be consistent while you're talking about the one example) as a role model for their future. Achieving the target makes the person distinguished among others. When they set their goal, they are very clear about their future, where it would lead them. Without goals, life would be incomplete.

On the other hand, a few people believe that it would not make any impact if young people did not have goals to achieve in life. When people set their goals, they have to concentrate more to achieve the goal. It may increase the work pressure to the person's mind which cannot be tolerated at the young age. As a result, it may lead to mental disorder. They cannot participate on social activities. So, young persons can lead their life without goals. To conclude this topic, In conclusion, my opinion is that young people should be ambitious to lead the a lavish (not the right word) life in the competitive world.