Wednesday, April 6, 2011

to 'B' or not to 'B'

There’s a thin line between right and wrong. Sometimes, we over-step it, cross over to the wrong side and then, very conveniently erase the line and draw it over again.

Your mind gets conditioned into believing certain things as you grow up. The family you’ve grown up with, the friends you ‘ve hung out with and the environment you’ve experienced around you shapes your mind. Sometimes, these may be bloody contradictory and that’s where YOU get confused.

You’re from a family where drinking is a huge sin, and then almost everybody in your friend circle does. You pick up the glass n stare it.. grin at your friends and put it down.

Next time, they coax you into having a sip.. you do.. then it feels ok. You go back home and freak out.. “What have I done!!?” you call up a friend who belongs to this side of the line (the non-drinkers) and they push you deeper into the guilt stream. “ you had alcohol!!.. I don’t know who u are, anymore!”

You stay away frm alcohol for a long, long time. Meanwhile, you see life on the other side, people going high, having “oh so much FUN!!” boozing. Again the pendulum swings between “ no way! I’ll never touch it” to “what the hell.. it might be fun”

You hit a disturbing period in your life, where nothing, absolutely nothing is going your way.. and one day you hit the pub with your closest friends whom you trust more than anything and happily swig vodka and dance your head off… but this time when you get home, you are wiser and call another friend, one who thinks drinking is every human being’s birthright… and go to sleep with a smile.. yes.. I’ve done it!!.

But then again … a glance at someone from the other side.. Confusion continues…. ‘it’s ok.. no it’s not… what’s the big deal.. it’s against your character!!”

4 comments:

Actually Identity crisis is the failure to achieve ego identity during adolescence" [1]. The term was coined by the psychologist Erik Erikson.[2] The stage of psychosocial development in which identity crisis may occur is called the Identity Cohesion versus Role Confusion stage. During this stage of adolescence, we are faced with physical growth, sexual maturation, and integrating our ideas of ourselves and about what others think of us. We form our self-image and endure the task of resolving the crisis of our basic ego identity. Successful resolution of the crisis depends on one’s progress through previous developmental stages, centering on issues such as trust, autonomy, and initiative [3].Those who emerge from this stage with a strong sense of identity are well equipped to face adulthood with confidence and certainty. “Those who fail to achieve a cohesive identity-who experience an identity crisis-will exhibit a confusion of roles,” [1] not knowing who they are, where they belong, or where they want to go. This sort of unresolved crisis leaves individuals struggling to “find themselves.” They may go on to seek a negative identity, which may involve crime or drugs or the inability to make defining choices about the future. “The basic strength that should develop during adolescence is fidelity, which emerges from a cohesive ego identity” [1].Erikson's own interest in identity began in childhood. Raised Jewish, Erikson appeared very Scandinavian, and felt that he was an outsider of both groups. His later studies of cultural life among the Yurok of northern California and the Sioux of South Dakota helped formalize Erikson's ideas about identity development and identity crisis. Erikson described those going through an identity crisis as exhibiting confusion. They often seem to have no idea who or what they are, where they belong or where they want to go. They may withdraw from normal life, not taking action or acting as they usually would at work, in their marriage or at school. They may even turn to negative activities, such as crime or drugs, as a way of dealing with identity crisis. To someone having an identity crisis, it is more acceptable to them to have a negative identity than none at all [1].Erikson felt that peers have a strong impact on the development of ego identity during adolescence. He believed that association with negative groups such as cults or fanatics could actually redistrict [sic] the developing ego during this fragile time. The basic strength that Erikson found should develop during adolescence is fidelity, which only emerges from a cohesive ego identity. Fidelity is known to encompass sincerity, genuineness and a sense of duty in our relationships with other people [1].Erikson described identity as "a subjective sense as well as an observable quality of personal sameness and continuity, paired with some belief in the sameness and continuity of some shared world image. As a quality of unself-conscious living, this can be gloriously obvious in a young person who has found himself as he has found his communality. In him we see emerge a unique unification of what is irreversibly given—that is, body type and temperament, giftedness and vulnerability, infantile models and acquired ideals—with the open choices provided in available roles, occupational possibilities, values offered, mentors met, friendships made, and first sexual encounters.

From the example that you've posted, "Identity crisis" is a way too exaggerated term that you've used. Is not someone's "identity" more than boozing? or not to?

But yes, such petty things would have a minute effect on building / judging one's identity or character.

Coming back to your example, its a very personal choice whether a person wants to do a thing. At a certain instance he may think that's all right and that pretty normal and stuff and the very moment you feel that's a sin. That's quite normal. I believe every one of us are confronted with such situations frequently. What I would do in such situation is to stay focused on what I believe and think of my family rather than go with the moment and agree to a friend. And I never regret on things that I have / have not done. Doing that if you even call up a friend and tell him, even if he /she says something which you don't like, you'd be happy that you did what you thought was right, right at that moment and right considering your past and future.

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