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the night that won't end

Let me start by saying that I have had experiences with nearly every kind of drug used recreationally in America these days. LSD, pot, hash, coke, crack, opium, heroin, speed (pills), shrooms, K, G and all the different pills you can name. I'm 30 yrs old and 1st smoked pot at 11. I did crack and coke by age 14. It was like whoopdie do. This is what's destroying America? It never seemed to get a hold on me. I saw what it did to others. I've seen some real horror stories unfold. But the only thing I've ever really wanted was to just have some good weed and a nice bong.

I moved out to Las Vegas from Chicago and I heard many warning about all the tweaker but never really ran into any. I eventually moved home only to end up back in Vegas again. Moving back was hard for me. Most of the friends I had made the 1st time were gone having moved home. I couldn't even find a decent weed hook up. So I went out on a limb and placed and ad on Craigslist lookin for some. I posted in M4M personals. I'm gay and I had used CL to hook up with guys often and I was confident I'd find a sack. Well I found more that I was barganing for.

I got several replies to my ad. Most were lookin to smoke some weed and have sex but I really kinda just wanted to get a bag to buy and take home. I wasn't lookin to have sex with someone and get some pot for doing it. This one email reply was a bit strange but seemed to be one of the more likely one to pan out. We didnt even exchange face pics. I did send him a few photos of my hard dick. As usual that was all it took to get a guys phone number and address. When I got to his house he was a realy cool guy and we had a few things in common like being from the Midwest and what not.

We got to talking about stuff but it wasn't more than 5mins before he asked if I was into "partying". I wasn't born last night and I knew what he was talkin about. Normally I wouldn't give someone the time of day after I hear that. But I was feelin weird from the Lortabs I took earlier and also I was so bored you could even say I was lonely and really wanted to spend sometime out doing something... anything. I was up for a lil adventure and said fuck it! We smoked a joint and then he busted out one of those New Jack City lookin crazy water pipes that in Chicago only crack heads use. We smoked a few hits and I was like, "Is that all? Shouldn't I be high now?" It didn't seem to grand at all so I hit it a few more times.

Long story short I got spun out of my lil Midwestern head and was like, "I need to use the bathroom." I started sweatin like a pig and walked in the bathroom and barfed my ass off. The weed, lortabs and crystal hit me and I had to hurl. After that I was totally cool. In fact it was the most nondiscript high I'd ever had. Now I am just a horny gay man anyways so it was only polite for me to whip my dick out and see what happened. I got a quick BJ then we ended up going to a "friends" house to party some. The two of us got on together so well it was surreal. We really clicked and couldn't get enough of each other. Soon we were trying to find a way to politely ditch this other dude and get some time alone. That 1st night ended up turning into 3days. Then the worst thing that could happen happened. I had some messed up issues with rent and money and I needed to find a place to move. Steven was actually the only person I could think of calling and he came through for me right away.

First, he gave me the money to cover the rent then after talkin me moving in with him came up. We looked at two crappy apartments in downtown Vegas and then just drove straight to his house. Now 8 months and several ounces of Meth later here I am. The thing is drugs or not I am in love. And it not BS. I can still take it or leave it. I really only like it because its a great excuse to have wild crazy sex. I'm a total sex addict 1st and foremost. But Steven has been up and down with it for 2 years now and he seems to really have the hardest time puttin in down. When I see him trying to smoke the last of it, melting the stem and just trying to get one more hit it makes me want to cry. I know how it works and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Its his choice if and when he stops. But here I am along for the ride because I'm not working now and he is taking care of everything. Me and my cats are here and in many ways it is good.

But when I stop and look around at all the chaos from, crystal, 3ways and jsut getting stuck tweakin out on stuff it makes me want to run. And its then that I realize just how fucked up I really am and don't acknowledge it. For all the bad it has brought into my life it has given me one thing I've never really had... LOVE. I fell in love with a tweaker and I tried to fix him and now I'm ... I don't even know what I am anymore. I'm sad and I wish I could just go back to being a lonesome pot head with nothing to do each night. Sometimes it seems like all I have is one long night and 150 gigs of bareback porn.