Day to day life, on the emigration

So it’s Saturday, and I am home alone. Well, not totally, I have my little princess Eva with me, but she is asleep. Paul is on the afternoon shift at work, and our boys spend Saturdays nights at their dad’s house. It’s very quiet in the house, even my cat doesn’t make a sound. I don’t usually like to be on my own, but today, after very busy few days, I am really enjoying it.

It’s because I try to be there for everybody. Eva off course needs my constant attention. Ben as a middle child is simply jealous, and this becomes a real problem. His not angry, he loves Eva. But he wants me to be with him all the time. So I need to stretch myself to change nappies, read books, bottle feed and play on PS at the same time. I do talk to him a lot, try to be there when he needs me. But this makes it worse, because now, everything is the end of the world. Today he took my iPad and saw that there is a new game. It was Oliwer’s game, and I didn’t know anything about it. So he cried. Instead of just go and ask his older brother he cried, and I’ve spent nearly 10 minutes calming him down, explaining that Oliwer for sure will tell him everything he wants to know about this game. This is how it looks, any little reason is the reason to cry. I don’t even entertain it any more. I just tell him to stop or I won’t talk to him. He needs to snap out of this habit quickly, or I’ll sit down and cry with him. And there’s Oliwer. He is 11, and this is time when he needs me and Paul a lot. If I hadn’t nag him about school, he would happily leave everything, not do his homework, and play on his PS all day and all night. So I make sure he is always ready for school, and if he doesn’t understand something, I work on it with him (what sometimes means that I have to go online and learn how to do it myself). In this matter I was nicely rewarded, as Oliwer’s new school report shows that he is where he should be with moste of the subjects, and with some of them even above the expected level.

This week I’ve had a difficult cake to make, so most of my free time over last three days, I’ve spent preparing figurines. I also tried to do the usual things, so our daily schedule doesn’t change. I think children, especially little needs a routine more than anything. I am very happy with the result of my work, and I want to show you how it turned out. It’s a double sided cake, for brother and sister, she loves Disney and animals, he plays Dragon City game. So here is a link to my instagram post;

A post shared by Kasia (@deep_house_creations) on Mar 18, 2017 at 11:41am PDT

I were very happy to give it away, so I could focus on my kiddos a little bit. We had an art Saturday. Ben could choose what we will do. He wanted to paint. I like when we paint, because Oliwer leaves his games and joins us every time. We have a bit of family time. It’s a shame that Paul was at work, and couldn’t do it with us.

Now, to celebrate mu quiet evening, I will hang my washing, and have a long hot bath.

Since Eva was born her granddad tried to make her laugh with his car keys. She was never bothered to much, until today. Today she couldn’t get off them. She just wanted them, and she cried if she couldn’t get them. The whole situation was very funny. Here is a film I’ve put on YT, showing her crying, and then cheering up when she’s got the keys.

I feel like crying. I really need a hug. Eva is 5 months old. Goodbye colics, welcome mashed fruits and vegetables, and my favourite Hipp jars. It was suppose to be easy from now on. Not because somebody told me it will, not because it’s a rule. No… it supposed to be easy because it was easy 11 years ago when Oliwer was a baby and 5 years ago, when Ben was. But this time it is NOT easy.

I am tired. And nobody can understand this type of tiredness, especially somebody who doesn’t have a baby. Even dads can’t know what it means unless they are stay at home dads. It’s the tiredness of – I don’t know what else I can do.

My problem seems to be simple – Eva is teething. Sounds simple – every mum and every baby need to go threw this. It stops being simple when your arms hurt from carrying a crying baby third hour in a row. When your baby tries to bite everything to stop their pain for a moment, when bonjela is not enough, and calpol helps only for a short period of time. None of teething toys can help, doesn’t matter how long you kept them in the fridge.

I feel helpless and so sorry for my little girl. I wish I could do more. I just hope it will finish quick.

Last Friday I turned 33. And as I cried when I turned 30, now I realized that I’m not bothered. Why? Because I like myself a lot more now, then I did when I was younger. I have three kids, and I don’t feel this pressure any more to look good, to be liked by others, to have a lot of friends. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to look pretty, I don’t let myself go, but I don’t think that taking Ben to school in the morning without make up on is such a tragedy. Most of the time I wear leggings, because I found them being my bridge between comfy and girly. But I have a thing I started to work on, related to my appearance and it is my weight. I put on about 15kg during pregnancy, and I didn’t loose any since. So I eat healthier, try to eat always at the same time and increased my activity, which means I started using my fitness dvd. My weight is 83.4kg, my BMI is 31, which mean for me that I am 1st degree obese. Previous me would be embarrassed to say that, but I treat this as a motivation to loose it, because every time I can tell you that I’ve lost something it will be my little success .

Now my little lovely Eva. She is now 4 months old. We started on adding vegetables and fruits to her diet, and it’s the funniest thing I have seen.

I know, some of the mums are thinking now – what is she doing? Midwife said, wait till your baby is 6 months!

I know what she said. But every mum has got her ways. I raised two boys before, and both of them started on vegetables and fruits when they turned 4 months. I couldn’t wait for that moment. The faces that baby is pulling when it tries something for the first time, and how messy it is, honestly first time I have Eva carrot she had it everywhere, even on her forehead. And I have to admit, I am lazy mum. I don’t cook it myself, I buy jars. Why? Because I believe that they are perfectly balanced to baby needs. I wouldn’t give her meat until she is 6 months old. So I carefully pick those, in my opinion good for my child. My favourite ones are Hipp, and I must say that we tried a few different tastes, the one that Eva liked most was probably Mixed vegetable medley, as she liked her lips for a long time after we finished.

Eva eating vegetables at 4 months old

There’s one more thing I’d like to tell you about – routines.

As she understand a bit more now, what I mean, she knows who we are, and loves when we talk to her, we have our little routines. I noticed, that at evening she always gets tired after 8 o’clock. So me and Paul try to give her a bath always around 8, then I put her in to her cot, and read a book. Right now, I am reading Winnie the Pooh. I love Pooh, I caught myself reading chapter after chapter, every time saying ‘Oooooh this one is my favourite…’ And Eva is listening. I don’t know how much she understand, but this creates a special bond between us. I also made an observation on this subject, with my boys. When I had my older son, nearly 12 years ago, I were reading to him every evening, and now he loves reading books, also he writes his own stories. With my younger boy, who’s going to be 5 at the end of this month I didn’t do it too much. I were reading from time to time, but not often. Now it’s time for him to learn to read and he is not so bothered about it. I hope Eva will love reading, because it opens the whole world of imagination for children.

To end up our routine, after reading I turn off the light and stay with Eva until she fall asleep. Then I put breathing mat on, and I go downstairs to spend the rest of the evening, watching films, or maybe to fall asleep on the sofa, during watching a film, after exhausting day…

Valentine’s Day is special for everybody. It always was something very important for me. But this year I just don’t feel it. I think it’s because I have lots of love around me every day. Me and Paul do the simple little things for each other all the time, so there’s no need for anything extremely special on this one day. But as I wanted to celebrate our love somehow on this occasion, I decided to start planning our wedding. And here the problem appear. I have no idea how to plan a wedding. I’ve been a guest on somebody’s wedding a few times, but never organised any, or even helped to organize one…

I decided to sign up to bridebook.co.uk, at the beginning I’ve been asked some questions, like – what’s the date you chosen, or what is your wedding budget. Honestly, I have no idea. I roughly know, that we would like to get wed in two years (yes, I gave myself that much time, to organize my perfect wedding), preferably in june, because that’s when we had our first date. Budget? We will just have to see on the way, what we have and what we want.

The next thing that I saw on the page was very helpful task list. For a person that has absolutely no idea where to start, this is a life saver. So I downloaded their ultimate wedding checklist, read the tasks they gave me for this month, and ticked the boxes on things like – celebrate your engagement. Now we need to focus on our Wedding style and colours. It will take me the next few days or even weeks to go threw internet and find things that I like, then sit with Paul and decide what we want. This year we have our friends wedding coming up in August, so I will definitely pay attention to how it is done. The bride is a very creative person as well, and she has done a lot of decorations herself, even a flower girl dress. I want to do it this way, that’s why I need a lot of time.

I’ve never been a princess, but for this one day I want to feel like I am.

I switch on tv, and then I switch it off again. I have enough listening about Brexit, and what new Donald Trump did (why are everybody so surprised anyway, he said he is going to do it, didn’t it?). On a day like this I create my little bubble. Boys are at school, P. is at work, and I am home with little Eva, my little princess.

Eva is nearly 4 months old now. She’s got eyes like two shiny beads and a smile that melt hearts. And it’s not only my opinion as a mother, everyone who seen her can tell you that. This baby is just cute.

Eva 3.5 months

She is also a little angel. If she’s not asleep, she smiles. Hardly ever cry. So I found my self a hobby that I can do while sitting at home with her. I knit. No… it’s not only for old ladies, it’s very calming down, helping me to focus. I learnt to knit in primary school, but then left it for many years, and now I discover that it gives me a lot of pleasure.

I even wanted to share my knowledge on YT, record some tutorials, on hats and scarves, but then I discovered, that I don’t like my recorded voice. And anyway it’s not easy to record a good tutorial, that I know for sure. But I still can share my photos, so I’d like to show you my first teddy bear that I have made.

Something happened today… It made me realize that my older son is just like me… at least in some aspects, and it’s not good…

Mr P was video calling his best friend. They were having a laugh, he was showing him everybody in our house. At some p0int he went to O’s room, and it happened that O didn’t have his top on. Mr P and his friend were laughing, and O were laughing with them… but when Mr P went out of his room O burst in tears. He came to me later on to tell me, that he was embarrassed, and felt really low in this situation.

Now, Mr P got confused because O was laughing along them, got annoyed with me, because I couldn’t properly explain what is going on. But I know what’s going on, and it makes me curl. O is me, from when I was 11. No self-esteem at all, everything could knock it even lower. Someone could say something silly, didn’t want to hurt me, and I wouldn’t say a thing, but then, at home I would cry over it.

My biggest problem when I were a child, was that I were doing everything slow. Talking slow, cleaning slow, walking slow… and my mum would never let me forget. I know that she never meant anything bad, but she were laughing with her friends, telling them how slow I am. I tried to be quicker, but nobody noticed that, they were still saying that I am slow. At the beginning of primary school I were overweight and had squint, so children had a right laugh. my eyes fixed when I were 9, I’ve lost weight at 11, but to the end of high school kids always called me the fat one. I couldn’t see that I am not, that it’s the way I am built, and really every girl would like to have my bum and breast. I didn’t see that they are jealous, that I am actually very pretty. I had so low self-esteem, that I wanted to be invisible, I felt like I am worse then anybody else…

I don’t want my son to feel like I felt back then. I don’t want him to be like I was. I know now that it had a great impact on who I am now. I give up to easily. I love doing cakes, but
I am scared to advertise on facebook, because I think other girls make better cakes. I hide my whole life. I don’t want O to be like that. I will find a way to change his view on himself. Because he is very handsome, sporty, and top grade at school as well. It’s life skills he needs to work on, and he needs to start from seeing how awesome he is.