Science Has Uncovered Exactly What You’re Doing Wrong In Bed

Sex is a nearly fundamental element of the human experience. So fundamental that we’ll do it in space if we can. Naturally, we all like to think we’re good at it. Science, however, disagrees, especially if you’re having sex with women. Turns out an awful lot of people are pretty bad at sex (unless a handful of scientists have a major ax to grind with their partners and decided to skew a whole study in order to drop a hint).

Researchers polled over one thousand women online to determine what most excited them. An abstract has never been more clear, both about the results and about what we’re doing wrong:

While 18.4% of women reported that intercourse alone was sufficient for orgasm, 36.6% reported clitoral stimulation was necessary for orgasm during intercourse, and an additional 36% indicated that, while clitoral stimulation was not needed, their orgasms feel better if their clitoris is stimulated during intercourse. Women reported diverse preferences for genital touch location, pressure, shape, and pattern.

As for whom to point the (lack of a) finger at, it appears that straight men, in particular, are letting down the side when it comes to orgasms. Another recent study found an “orgasm gap”, with straight women saying they orgasm always or usually at 65% compared to gay/queer women at 86%.

The theories as to why this gap exists pretty much boil down to straight women not asserting what they want in bed, straight men not listening, and people generally not knowing that there’s a problem in the first place. Which might all seem obvious and easy to correct with a little consideration, but if that’s the case: Let’s all agree to get better when we get down.