So Much News, So Little Time: U.K.’s New PM, Big Apple Floods & NY’s New Claw Law | The Daily Show

If you've ever thought, "I like Donald Trumpand his policies and his hair, but I really just wishhe could read," well, then, Great Britainhas the leader for you. WOMAN: Breaking news out of London this morning. There's a new prime minister for Britain. Boris Johnson will take over from Theresa May. MAN: Johnson is a divisive figure, seen by many as Britain's Donald Trump. Blond, brash, a populist, fond of anti-immigrant rhetoric, who's built a career twisting the truth. I know some-somewherethat it was already pointed out that "Deliver, unite and defeat"was not the perfect acronym for an election campaign, since, unfortunately,it spells "dud." But they forgot the final "E,"my friends. "E" for energize.And I say to all the doubters, "Dude, we are goingto energize the country. We're gonna get Brexit done!" "Dude! Dude! Where is my motor vehicle,dude?" You know what I loveabout Brexit, is how confident everyone is whenthey come in to the job. Yeah? Like everyone before them hasn'tfailed at Brexit dismally. It's already wiped outtwo prime ministers. But the next guy's like,"All right, my turn. Let's do it! Come on, Brexit!Brexit!" Brexit is basically thecinnamon challenge of politics. That's what it is. Yeah. Everyone starts at like, "Hey, guys,I'm gonna be doing the Brexit. It's gonna be super…"(imitates choking, coughing) (laughter) I mean, if I came into the job,I would be a lot more humble. I would just be like,"Uh, look, uh, we've seen "that Brexit is notmessing around, "uh, so here's a shotgun. "If it's looking really bad,just finish me off. Thank you very much." Moving on.If you're one of those people who spent last week saying,"It's so hot. I wish we could cool downwith some rain," well, your wish was granted,you son of a bitch. This deadly heat wave thatwe've been having has broken, but now we've got the rain,and you can see it. Of course, the East Coast was hit hard by severe thunderstorms. WOMAN 2: Severe storms creating travel nightmares in the region throughout the night, bringing traffic on one major highway to a complete stop during the evening commute. New York City subway riders inundated by unexpected indoor waterfalls. One New Yorker bravely walking through flood waters up to her thighs. At airports, delayed and canceled flights piled up. Our own Craig Melvin surrounded by frustrated flyers at New Jersey's Newark Liberty International Airport. That's right. Yesterday,New York City got floods from Brooklynall the way to Queens. Cars couldn't drive, subways were filling upwith water, and most tragically,Pizza Rat drowned. (laughter) Yeah, turns outthere was only room for his girlfriendon that slice of pizza. He had to make a choice. And by the way, just sowe're all on the same page, first we had the giantheat wave, right? We got floods. Plus, there's earthquakesin California, and we've got a plagueof measles? Guys, I think God is tryingto send us a message. I, uh… I don't quite rememberthe Old Testament, but I thinkhe's working up to something. Like, he's eithergonna wipe us out, or he's dropping a new album.I don't know how this works. All I'm saying is,if you're a firstborn son, you might wantto get your affairs in order. That's all I'm saying. Oh, and by the way, by the way, this is a per-personal thingfor me. Like, I know that being strandedin an airport is frustrating, but I'm always shockedwhen I see people complaining to airport staff that a planecan't take off in a storm. You've always got those peoplewho are like, "Oh, I-I want to take off!" "Well, yeah, it's a storm! But who you mad at?" "I don't care.I have somewhere to be." "Is that somewhere heaven?Then shut the (bleep) up!" (laughter) Stop being assholes!There's a storm! (cheers and applause) Like, you see these peopleall the time in the thing. They're just like, "Aah! I can'tbelieve we're not flying!" "Yeah, well, no one can believewe're not flying." You know what?There should be a special flight for all of those peoplewho complain, yeah. Everyone who wants to fly,they should be like, "Oh, you want to fly? Okay, go.Go and fly, go and fly. "Go and fly. See what happens. No, no, go and fly.Go and fly." Yeah,that's what every airport needs. (applause and cheering) Basically, every airport in America just needsan African father, right? 'Cause that's whatAfrican parents will do. They'll threaten you with thething you're complaining about. You'll be like,"Why aren't we flying?!" They'll be, "You want to fly?You want? "Go and fly! Go and fly! "Go and fly.See what happens to you. Go on and fly.You'll see what happens!" Then the plane crashes there. "Okay, who's next?Anybody next?" (laughter) Finally, if you're a cat, you're probably havinga great month of July. There's a moviecoming out about you, and if you live in New York,you get to keep your claws. New York Statenow leading the way when it comesto taking care of cats. It is the first in the countryto ban declawing the felines. Advocates in favor of the ban say declawing causes not only severe pain but lasting psychological damage for cats. Pet advocates say the practice that has gone on for decades is cruel. The common reason pet owners declaw their cats is to protect their furniture. That's right.New York has passed a law saying that youcannot remove a cat's claws. Which is great news, becauseI always thought that declawing was a little weird,especially since American laws still allow catsto own assault rifles. -Like, I don't get it.-(laughter) But… but on a serious note, like,I've always found it strange that people want to have animals but, then, also want to changewhat makes them that animal. Some people are like,"I want a cat, "but I don't want my furniture to get scratchedor hair on my carpet." Then you don't want a cat,you want a Roomba. -That's what you want, okay?-(laughter) Don't get the catand then clip their nails out. It's the same thing with peoplewho clip, like, a bird's wings. "I want a birdthat doesn't fly." No, no. Or, like, peoplewho cut off a dog's tail. It's just, like,what do you want? "Yeah, I like the wagging,but it just distracts me from the dog's butt."Like, what are you doing? Imagine if they did that to you.That should be the law. They should say your animalcan do to you what… Like, if your dog just thoughtyou talked too much, and your dog was like, "Yeah,we should get rid of the tongue. Yeah."So you're like, "Mm!" It's like,"Yeah, that's so much better."

Hispanic parents would get along hand in hand with African parents. We need leaders that where disciplined by both African and Hispanic parents and from time to time aunt and uncle Asia and Canada council him/her on how to deal with uncle Russia’s training sessions….. what was the question again🧐

Well you anti declawers your pathway of good intentions is going to harm more cats than you can imagine. Our feral population will grow and shelter kills will rise as well. Glad you love cats so much. Maybe this movement was started by dog lovers, lol. Oh the irony of unintended consequences.