Friday, January 29, 2016

Encounter with a Corporate Psychopath

If a friend told you
her boss was a “psychopath” you’d probably laugh.

At one time or another,
most of us have worked with the “boss from hell” — a trying individual who
nitpicked; unfairly and relentlessly criticized; provided inconsistent, misleading,
or no direction; or even lied or bullied. We found ways to cope with the crazy
making and ultimately made our peace with the situation.

So now, when our friend
says her boss is a psychopath, we think we know what she means.

But what if we really didn’t?

The Corporate Psychopath

We hear the term
“psychopath” and think Jack the Ripper or another violent, homicidal criminal.
We don’t connect psychopathy with, say, the ruthless Executive Director of our neighborhood
nonprofit. This and that are two entirely different kinds of
stuff, we tell ourselves. Perhaps. Or perhaps we’re horribly mistaken.

Contrary to popular
opinion, most psychopaths aren’t rotting in jail or locked away in a mental
institution. Truth be told, a psychopath could be hanging out in a corner
office near you.

Robert D. Hare, PhD, author of Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us and developer of the Psychopath Checklist (PCL-R), says violent psychopaths are
just a tiny portion of the whole. In Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work, written by Hare and Paul Babiak, these
nonviolent psychopaths are called “corporate psychopaths.”

Louis Bloom, the news
videographer in the movie Nightcrawler,
is a perfect portrayal of the corporate psychopath. (Warning: Spoilers coming.)

In the beginning, Bloom
seems like a mildly eccentric loner/loser, barely making do with the proceeds
from his petty crimes. However, the fuller truth of Bloom soon emerges. Behind his
weirdly flat affect is a practiced and convincing liar who lacks empathy, displays
criminal versatility, and ruthlessly uses people for his own gains without remorse
and without a whit of consideration for what they might think about it.

Intelligent and articulate,
Bloom employs a mixture of creepy, off-beat charm; manipulation; and deceit to draw
his assistant Rick and mentor news director Nina into his narcissist schemes.
By the time they realize what’s what it’s too late. Bloom’s accomplishment is
particularly remarkable considering that Nina is no innocent herself. However,
Bloom is always at least one step ahead and manages to victimize her regardless.

Behind the Psychopathic Mask

During my 20 plus years
in the corporate world, I’ve worked with three executives who exhibited the
behaviors of a psychopath. This article will focus on one I’ll call Lee (not
her real name).

I’ve chosen to write about
Lee for three reasons:

Despite
the work of respected scientists such as Hare, society in general tends to be dismissive of the existence of the corporate
psychopath, and this is a dangerous denial to nurture. Lee is no Easter
Bunny, and her destructive effect on coworkers, subordinates, and clients is
100% real.

Targets or victims of
workplace psychopaths often are made to feel they’re the problem when in fact
they aren’t. At the
risk of sounding strident, this is wrong. I hope my testimony can provide some
comfort to anyone who’s been blamed and shamed by a corporate psychopath and/or
his or her supporters.

Lee
was by far the most wicked and destructive leader I’ve ever encountered. The depth of her depravity was truly shocking, and
my relationship with Lee was strictly professional. God only knows the stories
her “friends” (psychopaths don’t really have friends) and
family could tell.

Hare, who’s understandably
protective of the instrument he’s developed, has made it clear the PCL-R should be used only for the
purposes intended by trained professionals.

I respect Dr. Hare’s
stance and didn’t draw my conclusions by surreptitiously stalking Lee, pen and
checklist in hand. Instead, my conclusions followed months of near-daily observation
of and interaction with this troubled woman.

In fact, empirical researchmay
be the only way for a lay person to see behind the mask of the corporate psychopath.
As Dr. Hare states in the movie Fishead,
you can’t spot a psychopath by looking at him or even by engaging in casual
conversation with him.

And yet spot him we
must, because no one can protect us from these white-collar predators but us.

Up Close and Personal: My Encounter with a Corporate
Psychopath*

(*Some details have
been changed to protect the heinous.)

At our first meeting, I
thought Lee was funny, interesting, and a bit of a rebel. I was attracted to
that, because I’m a bit of a rebel, too.

We agreed to meet for
lunch to discuss a potential work opportunity. I was early.

When Lee arrived, late
enough to notice but not late enough to be unforgivable, she off-handedly apologized
and said she’d been on “an urgent call” with “You know, someone important.”

On its face, the
comment seemed innocuous, but the way Lee paused and stared at me afterwards
wasn’t. In retrospect, it was almost as though she was waiting for my reaction
to her implication (however subtle) that I
wasn’t important.

The moment passed, and
I brushed it aside. Truthfully, I didn’t know Lee well enough to be insulted. Her
comment struck me as a tad lacking in politeness but nothing more.

Our meal was enjoyable
enough. Lee and I discovered we had a few hobbies in common, and we seemed to
share a similar worldview. A couple of flags were raised, but again, I ignored them.

For example, Lee was highly
opinionated, bossy, and a bit pretentious. She also had a slightly unsettling way
of smiling that was more of a grimace and lacked warmth.

Still, nobody’s
perfect, right? We made plans to keep in touch. She claimed to be working on a
few projects that I, as a freelancer, might find of interest.

Over the next few
months, we met two more times. Each time I decided I liked Lee a little less.

I began to notice that she
always had to get the last word, whether in face-to-face conversation or via
email. She was also a very poor listener and had a penchant for treating minor
differences of opinion like battle-worthy causes.

For instance, during one
conversation, I mentioned that I favored the term “learning” instead of
“training” (in reference to corporate education), because I think being sent to
“training” has developed a negative connotation. Lee
disagreed—disagreeably—then wouldn’t shut up about why, prompting me to say
(somewhat surprised at her tenacity), “Look, it’s not worth fighting about.”

Still, I was
conflicted. Perhaps I was being unfair or not seeing things clearly. Also, Lee
could turn out to be a valuable work contact.

Reeling Me In

In hindsight, it’s all
so clear. When self-interest is allowed to override good sense, nothing positive
can result.

Despite my misgivings,
when Lee invited me to bid on a project, I bit. After providing the application
materials I waited for a response, which she promised would be coming soon. It
didn’t.

Eventually I emailed
her, only to have her cavalierly respond that she’d decided to contract with
someone else. However, what really gave me pause was her admonishment that I
“never fear, because there [are] always other projects in the works.” The note
had an air of condescension that didn’t sit well with me.

I wrote back that she needn’t fear—I had several projects
to keep me busy and had just picked up a new client, but thanks anyway.

Something didn’t feel
right. Or, more to the point, I didn’t care for the way Lee made me feel. I
decided I’d had enough of her.

Hook, Line, and Sinker

Several months passed,
and I forgot about Lee. I didn’t contact her, and she didn’t contact me—until
she did.

How can I explain what
happened next? Suffice it to say that time had dulled my reservations, and a gap
between freelance projects had ignited my anxiety about the future. Long story
short, I ended up working with Lee after all.

And it was hell from the
very beginning until the bitter (but by no means bittersweet) end.

Already a big fan of
abnormal psychology, over the next few months, I’d begin to read everything I
could about psychopathy, malignant narcissism, character disturbance, and
antisocial personality disorder, because something was very wrong, and I needed
help sorting it out.

Even so, I am one of
the lucky ones. Eventually, I’d end my relationship with Lee for good, escaping
before she could inflict the worst kind of damage to my psyche psychopathic
bosses are known for.

My Pain Equals Your Gain

And the good news is I’ve
learned lessons I’ll never forget. Plus (and I may as well go ahead and admit
it)—psychopaths are fascinating SOBs.

The PCL-R contains a well-known
checklist of twenty psychopathic
behaviors,
and I won’t repeat them here. Instead, I’ll describe the psychopathic traits
Lee exhibited. These traits are what convinced me I was working alongside
someone with a severe personality disorder (or three).

Lee’s Psychopathic Traits

Superficial Charm—Lee knew how to flatter and schmooze
when it suited, but any affection she displayed was strictly for appearances.
The same person she’d compliment to his face she’d insult behind his back.

Case in point. Lee once
told me (with no prompting whatsoever) that she hoped the company didn’t hire
Dan (not his real name) a former employee interviewing for a current opening,
because he was “goofy,” and she “hated his loud laugh.” When Dan later came on
board, however, Lee made a big deal about telling him how pleased she was. Like
Lee’s earlier comments about Dan’s laugh, this statement was completely unprovoked.
No one asked Lee what she thought
about Dan. She took it upon herself to proactively approach Dan and then lie in
his face.

Inflated Sense of Self
(i.e., Narcissistic)—I,
I, I, me, I, me, I. From Lee’s mouth, these pronouns were a litany. No question,
Lee’s favorite subject was herself—what she believed, what she wanted, and what
important and wonderful things she’d done. Unless she was wooing someone in
preparation for a con, alternate opinions were of no interest to Lee
whatsoever, and she’d frequently interrupt others as they were speaking.

For example, Lee, who is
white, once inserted herself into a conversation another woman and I were
having about color (we are both African Americans and were recollecting certain
childhood experiences) to expound on her theories of U.S. race relations.

Frankly, I thought Lee’s
theories were dumb, shallow, and bordering on the insulting, so I said, “Well,
as a person of color, I have a different opinion.” Without skipping a beat, Lee
grandly stated “And you’re entitled to it!” … then kept talking about what she believed.

Mildly disgusted, I promptly
tuned Lee out. No longer the center of attention, she quit talking and left the
room.

Another time Lee spent
nearly an hour (an hour!) during a team meeting talking about everything except
work, including the “news” that her boyfriend would soon be moving in and how
she felt about it. Later, when another team member began telling a story about
a past work project, Lee rudely cut her off by declaring “We get it!”

Entitled in the Extreme—Lee assumed everyone would do her
bidding on command. What’s worse, her sense of importance meant that most of
the time she couldn’t be bothered to ask
for assistance. Instead, she’d articulate a need and expect others to eagerly
volunteer to meet it. Anyone who failed to pick up on the hint would later be
treated as though he’d disobeyed a direct order. This strategy had the
additional benefit of shielding Lee from anything that went wrong, as she could
always claim she’d never given the directive.

Ridiculously and
Inappropriately Competitive—Lee
always had to be right and was fond of saying “I like to win.” She wasn’t
exaggerating. Lee was the best example of “amoral” I’ve ever met, and she
routinely broke the rules to appear superior.

Sneaky, Deceitful, and
Manipulative—Lee
was not to be trusted. She’d lie (more on that later), twist facts, withhold
information, break confidences, and gossip at the drop of a hat. And, as one
would expect from any good psychopath, she was fond of mind games and gas
lighting.

As our relationship
deteriorated, Lee began “losing” documents I forwarded for her approval. This
proved to be a minor inconvenience to me (I quickly learned to photocopy everything before handing anything over), but a waste of time, materials, and
money for the company as well as a mark against Lee herself, who came off
looking disorganized and careless. However, none of that mattered, because it
amused Lee to inconvenience me. This is a good example of how psychopaths do
foolish things for their own pleasure without appreciating the big picture.

Controlling—Lee was a monster micromanager who regularly
dictated what should be done as well as how and when to do it. Whether you had
2 years of work experience or 20 and regardless of your position, Lee wouldn’t
hesitate to order you around. However, her subordinates got the worst of it, as
Lee insisted on routinely denying them the least bit of autonomy while claiming
to be a gracious and supportive boss. She demanded frequent status updates in
multiple mediums and was an outrageous and petty fault finder. Furthermore,
employees were expected to copy Lee on all email messages and were barred from
contacting most other decision makers directly. Lee insisted on being the chief conduit of all
information. (All the better to stop everyone from piecing together all of
Lee’s lies, no doubt.)

Domineering—Like you’d expect of a true psychopath,
Lee treated people as objects to be used for her gratification. Anyone who protested
would be nagged or bullied into submission. If badgering or intimidation failed,
Lee would attempt to soil the individual’s reputation or remove him or her from
the organization. Lee always had to be the center of attention. She over-talked
clients and, of course, her employees.

Fluent Liar—Some psychopaths lie with conviction
and are good at it; others lie calmly and without hesitation but are nonetheless
quite bad at it. I’ve worked with both. What’s important to note when
evaluating someone’s character is not merely how convincingly she lies, but how
often and for what purpose.

In fact, it was by
studying Lee’s lies that I began to understand the depth of her pathology. Lee
could write a three-line note that contained as many lies plus a few half-truths thrown in for good measure.

Lee lied to clients,
government officials, subordinates, and peers. She lied on her resume. She lied while staring you in
the face and behind your back. She lied while claiming to be of high moral
character. (Lee once told me she took pride in holding herself to the “highest
ethical standard”—a statement without even a trace of truth). Lee lied about
her intentions, and she lied without breaking a sweat. She lied and then
demanded you act on her lies. If you called her on a lie, she’d lie again.
Eventually, the lies to cover the lies would become so ridiculous only a
complete moron would believe any of it, but that neither embarrassed nor
visibly alarmed Lee.

In hindsight, I’m
totally convinced that during those early encounters with Lee she lied to me about
her hobbies as a means of artificially creating commonalities between us.

Blame Shifter—Psychopaths won’t accept responsibility
for anything that goes wrong. They’ll blame their subordinates, their boss, their
peers, God, the universe, or the weather if need be. Lee’s favorite fall guy
was fate. She’d shrug her shoulders as if to say, “What are you going to do?”
as a response to events she’d clearly set in motion.

For example, my last
day on the job, Lee expressed her regret things hadn’t worked out and then sorrowfully
lamented, “I know you haven’t always been happy working with me.”

First, there’s no way
in hell Lee was sorry to see me go. (In fact, my former teammate told me Lee
came to her the next day and gleefully declared, “I’m so happy she’s gone!”).
Second, that’s pretty passive language for a controlling, manipulative she-devil
who actively abused her authority at every turn, wouldn’t you say?

Gossip—Lee was nosy as shit, and it’s no
wonder. Gossip is valuable currency for corporate psychopaths, who use secrets and
“inside info” to manipulate events to their liking or for recruiting minions.
Half-truths are also handy for peppering lies. If you work with someone you
suspect is a psychopath (or other disturbed personality), don’t tell him anything about your personal life,
because it’s all fodder for his schemes.

Boundary Blurrer—Psychopaths have serious boundary
issues and will invade others’ psychological and physical space without
hesitation. To loosely quote Candice DeLong, former FBI profiler, psychopaths think
your stuff is their stuff that they just haven’t acquired yet.

Lee had a very annoying
habit of reaching out to touch my jewelry, clothing, and accessories,
ostensibly in admiration as she paid me a compliment. She was trespassing on my
personal space, and I eventually broke her of that habit by evading answers to
questions about where I bought such and such and more obviously recoiling when
she inappropriately advanced.

Ruthlessly Selfish (Lacking
Empathy)—Lack of empathy is a hallmark
psychopathic trait. Lack of empathy means the psychopath neither understands
nor cares to understand how it feels to be you (or anyone else for matter)
unless those feelings can be used to manipulate.

Lee’s lack of empathy manifested
itself in ways small (waiting until the last possible moment to choose a
meeting time, regardless of how the delay impacted others’ schedules), medium
(consistently downplaying her bad behavior and its effects on others’), and
large (infantilizing her staff by denying them the tiniest modicum of autonomy
with absolutely no concern if her actions caused humiliation or other harm).

Highly Critical of Others but
Hypersensitive to Criticisms from Others—Lee received any difference of opinion
as a personal insult. You either agreed with Lee or steeled yourself for an
argument or a bout of incessant haranguing until you changed your tune or quit
talking.

At the same time, Lee
was very critical of others. In all the months of working with her, she vetoed
every single suggestion for improvement I made, always finding a reason why my
ideas weren’t as good as those she’d already implemented. Eventually I stopped
offering suggestions. Of course she criticized that as well.

Cruel—Some psychopaths are bona fide sadists
and enjoy inflicting pain, both emotional and physical. For other psychopaths, however,
cruelty is a natural byproduct of their lack of empathy, and they neither enjoy
it nor are bothered by it. (Again, think about Bloom in Nightcrawler.)

I believe Lee is a
sadist and enjoys hurting people, because I witnessed her commit cruel acts
without remorse. When Lee wanted something, she demanded it without caring what
it might cost someone, and if she couldn’t con or lie someone into action,
she’d shove him into it.

Why Does the Label Matter? (Or, Maybe Lee’s Not a
Psychopath, Just a Really Mean Person)

I’m not a physician,
and it’s possible an actual physician if given the opportunity (psychopaths are
notoriously resistant to treatment), would diagnosis Lee as having some other
disorder or no disorder at all. (If the latter, I’d challenge that quack to
work 2 weeks with Lee without wanting to strangle her.)

You could argue that,
depending on the circumstances, any one of us could display a trait or two on
this list, and you’d be right. However, I’d argue that unless you’re a psychopath,
the display won’t characterize your behavior as a whole.

Not so with Lee. Her
lying, controlling, manipulative, deceptive behavior was of such consistency
and intensity that it defined her. Lee didn’t sometimes lie; she was a pathological
liar. She wasn’t sometimes manipulative, she was a master manipulator. Behind
Lee’s mask of politeness lurked a ruthless, untrustworthy snake of a human
being who cared for others only in so far as they were willing to serve her
needs without complaint.

And this much is undoubtedly
true: no one in the office enjoyed working with Lee. At best she was tolerated.
At worst she was despised. Her unpleasant and rigid personality frustrated all who
spent any significant length of time in her company.

For my part, I often
felt trapped within the constraints of a “polite” society that tolerates
antisocial behavior so long as it remains masked in gentility.

Working with Lee caused
me to lose my temper and at times, my religion. If you can imagine what it
would be like to be managed by a malevolent and dark spirit with the emotional
development of a child but the power, influence, and intellect of an adult,
then you have a clue—but only a clue—of what it was like to work with Lee.

There’s a reason
psychopathic bosses are likened to vampires—they’ll suck your energy, time,
talents, and will until there’s nothing left if you allow it.

Why Are We So Vulnerable to the Corporate Psychopath?

Put another way, how in
the world do these people climb the corporate ladder and stay there?

The answer to this
question is at once simple and complicated, perhaps as complicated as the human
race.

First, the simple
answer. Psychopaths are gifted at deception.

In The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way
Relationship in Work, Love, and Family, Eleanor Payson writes: “The primary
reason this disorder is so illusive to identify … is that the NPD individual is
often extraordinarily capable of maintaining an impression of competence and,
sometimes, social charm as well.”

Second, most of us take
people at face value. Paul Babiak calls it “believing people are real.”

And most people are
real—more or less. In any case, they aren’t psychopathic.

More importantly,
because we believe people are real, it doesn’t occur to us they could be lying
about who (and what) they really are.

Third, there’s
something about the way we’re born or bred that keeps us from wanting to believe anyone we count as a
lover, friend, coworker, or boss could possibly be deranged.

“People see
sociopathy in their personal lives, and they don't have a clue that it has a
label or that others have encountered it. It makes them feel crazy or alone. It
goes against our intuition that a small percentage of people can be so
different from the rest of us—and so evil. Good people don't want to believe
it."

Targets of office
psychopaths often find even their relatives and closest friends don’t believe
things could possibly be as bad as the target claims.

“It's not easy. They
have traits similar to ideal leaders. You would expect an ideal leader to be
narcissistic, self-centered, dominant, very assertive, maybe to the point of
being aggressive. Those things can easily be mistaken for the aggression and
bullying that a psychopath would demonstrate. The ability to get people to
follow you is a leadership trait, but being charismatic to the point of manipulating
people is a psychopathic trait. They can sometimes be confused.”

So long as we deem it
acceptable—even desirable—for leaders to exhibit psychopathic traits, we’ll
remain susceptible to the real deal.

And it’s a real shame,
because the corporate psychopath may not be a killer of men, but she’s definitely
a killer of organizations—one wicked act at a time.