A couple of weeks ago, on a fluke I sent in a video audition for a television sponsored competition. This video got me a callback to the second round!! That second round was nerve-racking to say the least. Sign in here, smile for the camera, walk down that aisle, sign in here, wait for your turn, stand on that stage, say your name, sing your song, "Thank you!". It was over in less then 20 minutes. When I walked out of the building I felt a wave of excitement. Not because I knew I just nailed it, but because I was super happy that it was over. The last time I had to actually audition for something was for a theatre group about 10 years ago. I had completely blocked out what the experience is like. During the audition there was an empty stage, and sound tech (on her phone the whole time), a supportive camera man and 5 very business like people sitting at a long table with pieces of paper to write notes on. I could literally feel myself shaking on stage while trying to "inflect emotion". It's no wonder I didn't make it to the next round. Waiting for the email to arrive for a week to confirm my theory was just as intimidating. I kept questioning my talent. Maybe I'm destined to be a backup vocalist. This whole stupid contest is rigged any way. ARGHHH!!! I didn't feel like myself and was putting so much pressure on one event, even though my calendar was getting filled with other opportunities. I'm not sure why I went there, but I'm happy the whole thing happened.

It reminded me of how much further I would like to go with my career. I need to brush up on my auditioning skills... how do you do that?? More auditioning... I guess..or well.. more open mic nights. I have come to rely on my band members, my percussion, and my alternative ego (have you seen a Bricktown Station show??) that I forgot what it was like to just sing to people. People who are getting paid to judge your style, look, moves, oh yah and your talent. And these people may or may not be responsive. This feeling is so much different then performing to a dinner crowd. While dinner guests are enjoying their scampi, you become pleasant backround music. Live and paid for backround music. An audition is not even in the same realm. It also reminded me why it's been so long since I had attempted to partake in any talent competition. There are so many more reasons to NOT like you and again, talent is one of the last reasons. It's funny because as soon as someone finds out that I'm a singer, they ask if I'v gone on The Voice or American Idol. It's hard to explain that there are many ways to be a professional vocalist without entering the cattle call and still sound committed. Being able to perform under a high pressure situation will happen again. Maybe to a producer, maybe to an agent, or heck another television opportunity. I need to work on this....I need to work on myself.

Then today while sorting through emails and such I decided to listen to a Ted Talks from Amy Cuddy. My brother had sent it to me a couple of months ago. BOY OH BOY do I wish I heard it before that audition...I will "fake it till I become it" next time!!