Friday, January 20, 2012

The hardest battle I've had to fight so far in life is the battle with my flesh...arrgh!!! when I say flesh, I swear I think of meat, so let me just exchange 'flesh' for 'Body'... I don't understand the beef quarrel my body has with me. Its like its determined to annoy me every way it can. I diet...still I find my body increasing in size. Last week I went from a 62kg to a 59kg and I was shouting my testimony from the roof top only to weigh myself again today and I'm at 61kg... using the same scale. And I pause and I wonder what the hell did I eat within one week to bring back the weight, considering the fact that I stuck to the same diet. Except maybe for those three (3) mornings I ate peanut butter with my bread for breakfast. But then how come my own flesh allowed me hunger and taste for it and then eat it.???

But does it end there? No!! Its like my body read my Resolutions for the year and has determined to frustrate my resolve. What has not happened from then till now? I cant count the temptation o, my resolve to forgive has been tested and tried so much in these past week than in the last 10 years... on one occasion I almost went from my black beauty to green with envy when someone got something I had hoped will come my way, I had to call myself to order when I remembered that Love conquers all (including jealousy)... gossiping was almost creeping in along with its cousin 'Pride' and its neighbour 'Lust of the flesh' when I paused and thought 'No... no way...this is going too far!!' But I thank God for delivering me from the hands of flesh. Because it is obvious I cant trust my own flesh and blood to do what is right on its own..

You see experience has shown that the Devil isn't really your greatest enemy. Lemme rephrase that, the devil is the generic enemy... he doesn't really have a hold on you. You should beware your flesh... your flesh, if not properly watched, will open the main gate and parlour door for the devil walk in. Its your flesh that makes it easy to back-bite, to lust after another person's spouse, to commit adultery and bear false witness, to lie and take bribe, to cheat, to get angry and beat your chest and say 'Do you know who you are talking to?'... to treat your neighbour in a disdainful manner, to cringe when someone asks you for help... its your flesh that makes you say 'Never, I cannot talk to that person again'. Because the flesh is just too damn lazy to do the right thing. Have you noticed how hard it is to do the right things? It takes strength to say 'I am sorry' to someone who has offended you and is in non-speaking terms with you. It takes a stronger man to say 'No' to pre-marital sex... it takes strength not to give a listening ear to gossip... its hard not to indulge in the feeling of pride, its hard to give a genuine compliment to a stranger, its hard to be good to others without expecting anything in return. Its so darn hard becos the flesh is so darn weak.

So do you struggle with your flesh like I sometimes do? Do you wish you can stop disappointing yourself and God? Do you wish you have the grace to turn the other cheek when someone hit you hard? Then it means there is still hope for you... it means your spirit is still on the right track because it is still fighting to overcome the flesh, the flesh which is of a sinful nature. I mean if you no longer feel a tug in your guts when you are about to do wrong then your case is different ooo... maybe you need to check yourself well. But when you still feel that fight between your spirit and your flesh, then take it a bit further and put that flesh under subjection before she ruins you (its easier for me to think of the flesh as a she). How can you put that bitch her under subjection? By Fasting and Praying... by saying 'No' and acting right no matter how hard it is... by asking God to help you. Do it now. Jesus's strength is made perfect when we are weak

Quote: Galatians 5: 17 'For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.'

Monday, January 16, 2012

...and I'd just finished watching 'Kim Possible' which came up after 'Sonny With A Chance' on Disney Channel. I just cant seem to avoid having a dose of Disney channel everyday and even my friends perceive it as weird that I watch that channel, I cant seem to get enough of it. I reached for my phone as it vibrates, the red light indicating I just received a Black Berry Message:

'So how did your day go naw...I'm missing you ooo''My day was great...and yours?' I replied
The phone vibrates again before his response comes in and I switch chat box to respond to who was asking:

'Sleeping?'
'eh...not really just chilling watching TV'
'Thank God the strike has ended...work starts tomorrow'
'Good for you... at least you have rested well' I responded

....a group alert came in and I clicked to check what was going on there...some of the member's of the group reside in America so its normal for them to be up joking and laughing over some not so funny things...I dropped a 'LOL' comment and went back to the first person I was chatting with since he had responded a while ago and continued chatting... flipped the channel to TBN...hoping I might get Joel Osteen (no luck) went to MTV Base and nothing interesting there too... went to the kitchen... opened the powdered peak milk tin, got a spoonful of powdered milk, threw it in my mouth and allowed it dissolve (oh the joys of peak milk) and walked back to the sitting room. It was some minutes past 1am

My phone rings at this exact moment and I ignore it, what is bringing mid night call play (mscheeew)... flip the channels some more, get bored...switched of TV... went into my room, checked 'Recent Updates' on BB and dropped a comment for two people which reads 'Una no dey sleep? Witches' ...that's when I thought of browsing, logged onto Yahoo to check out what new job alerts I had received. One caught my fancy...applied for it. Came to Blogger...checked to see if Taynament had responded to why a Redeemer is a deal breaker....she hadn't.... then checked out Kay's Corner and found him ranting.... by now it was well past 1pm.

When Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said that '"The heights by great men reached and kept, were not obtained by sudden flight. But they, while their companions slept, were toiling upward in the night' I think he meant something different from these my nightly rituals. Sometimes I read a novel all through the night and fall asleep by 4am and wake up by 7am, and its not as if I'm waking at that time because I need to go somewhere...I just cant seem to sleep. The sleeplessness wasn't a big deal when I was working, then I fall asleep by 11pm...start tossing and turning by 3am and I'm up by 4am to get ready for work. But now I feel the insomnia is getting worse.How do you guys sleep? And sleep without a sleeping pill or a glass (or two) of wine. Tell me... I want to sleep ooo, this habit of sleeping in the morning and waking in the morning everyday has gat to stop!!! Good MorningNutty Jay

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Another New Year and I am extremely grateful to God for seeing us all through to this year... it might be chaotic right now in Nigeria but we will get through this too. I hope you all enjoyed your hols... I did too, I actually spent mine in Warri... and although the town 'dey hot' during the Yuletide it was still fun-filled.

I had a chat with a childhood friend in Warri and this post is borne out of that conversation... I hardly make new year resolutions... Its not something I think about doing...oh I did make one and that was 'Jay you will stop drinking alcohol this year' I made that in 2009 and I intend keeping it...someday. But then my friend talked to me about something important, and that is LOVE...AGAPE LOVE and how it outshines and overshadows the other types of love. So this year I am making my new year resolution:

I will be Forgiving this year: ''...and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us'' Do you know how many times we lie when we pray this prayer? lie to ourselves and lie to God. Well I have decided to stop lying... I have resolved that whatever happens, I'll forgive. One reason we hold grudges is because somehow in our limited thinking it makes us feel like being the person who was wronged automatically makes us 'important'... we want to show off our emotional scars and we glow under the exclamations of 'She/he did that to you???' we enjoy the attention and letting go feels like we are letting the offender off the hook too easy. While for some others we really are deeply wounded and its hard to forgive the offender especially when he/she is someone you trusted with everything. Well this is a new year and in the spirit of love I intend walking in, I am letting go and will let go every wrong both past and present... I may gladly even turn the other cheek.

I will be Trusting this year : hmmm this is the part where I would have to work hardest... I grew up with the mantra 'Dont trust anyone... people would fail you....trust only yourself' and I have had my own fair share of disappointment that makes that statement seem true. And its easy to fall into the habit of wanting others to earn our trust first before we trust them... we all do this. Its common to hear 'I dont trust people anyhow o...you have to earn my trust first' . Well that is the sensible thing to do... but as for me and in the spirit of love I intend walking in this year, I am giving out trust as a gift. if my heart gets broken in the process, i'll remember my number one resolution. It might sound foolish but if God could trust me enough to allow His son die for me free of charge with the hope that I wil not disappoint him by rejecting that gift He gave that i did not ask for, then I think I also can give trust as a gift to my fellow man. Enough of suspicion, and over analysing and being overly careful.

I will Pay-It-Forward: I realised that I have always had good things happen to me... when ever I find myself in a fix, somehow help comes my way... financially, materially, and even in form of moral support. And as much as I try to reach others in like manner, it has always been at my convenience, when it wasnt too much trouble. Well the year has come for me to start paying it forward. Have you head of the Dead-Sea? It is the only sea that other rivers flow into but
No water flows out of the Dead Sea because it is a "closed basin." This means that the water has no way out. I refuse to be a Dead Sea. Full Stop

I will Love: This simply means I will love compulsorily. Whether it is welcomed or not...whether I feel like or not...regardless of if he/she deserves it or not... I'll pray for my enemies and bless them that curse me. I will practise agape love until it flows from me without me thinking about it.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I'll live this year like I was three (3) years old... resilient as a child. Not caring who offended me 5 mins ago... not being careful for anything... loving the stranger who joins you in the playground without pausing to do a background check first... never weary in doing good. Because come to think about it... doing it the other ways never made life better. Instead it kinda isolated me...

This way I know I am being careful for nothing and relying solely on God to take care of me and my heart. So help me God.

Enjoy your year lovely people. Don't forget to do unto others what you want them to do to you

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About Me

Daughter, Sister, Friend, Enemy, Child of God...fun loving and curious
Nutty Jay is not a professional writer and hasn't still grasped the art of being politically correct, thus some posts might offend some readers, but that is not her aim. Overall... She's a fairly good writer.
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