I totally feel you. I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 17 month old (14 months apart) and although they are pretty well behaved, there are some days where I even ask myself "WTH am I thinking wanting to have another one!?" lol. My DD has the semi-terrible 2's and she is a total diva, and my DS is just a wild child little boy that messes up anything when he gets the chance and he throws a hissy fit like no other child I've ever seen. It's just hard to balance the stress of my household duties, my children and TTC sometimes and I think it gets the best of me a lot. I find myself irritable a lot as well with the kids when my TTC emotions get to me. These last couple months have been much harder than the rest for me and I've noticed I've been much more frustrated with my kids because of it. Sometimes it just feels like I can't keep control of my life (any aspect of it) and it all comes crashing down. There have been times I've just had to lock myself in the bathroom for 15 minutes and cry because it gets so frustrating. It's always nice to see other moms going through the same things.

I've often had the same feelings as far as God punishing me for not doing a good enough job with the kids I have. I have 5 beautiful, healthy boys but I just don't feel like my family is complete. But we also got pregnant with them SO EASILY it's hard to digest why we would have problems now. We haven't been actively TTC the last couple cycles although pregnancy under some circumstances wouldn't be unusual but I just can't help but kick the guilt. I had to stop really TTC and knowing what DPO I am, testing and such because it was just TOO MUCH for me. I would find myself so unhappy and stressed out that I wasn't cherishing the life I have now.
I know it's hard to go through every month. I think most people on this board have been through the struggle as well and know how you feel.

Katie, You are so not alone. I remember when I had just lost a pregnancy and Mackenzie was almost two and people kept telling me it was better to wait since I had my hands full with Kenz. I constantly lost my patience with her and she remains challneging, but I have grown and am much more relaxed.
Needless to say I was pretty po'd by others comments and feel that when you want another baby you want another baby and there will never be a "perfect" time because perfection is not a part of parenting... I mean let's face it we work hard to be great parents, but what is a perfect parent??? I am so not sure because I know I am not perfect.
I hope you have your babe soon!!! I eneded up getting pg again when Kenz turned 2, so maybe you will soon!!! It was tough at first with the both of them, and don't be folled by terrible two's, I find three is more challenging, but you live you learn and you get through with love!

LOL! I just let my daughter pull out the entire contents of my wallet all over the floor, just so that I could get 20 minutes of peace and quiet! And do a little bit of work! i figure it will only take me 3 minutes to put all the cards back in their rightful places, so 20-3=17 minutes of gained time!

Does anyone else's DH look at them like they're crazy for that? My DH told me at a restaurant last week "You know, DS is putting all the cheerios you gave him in your purse, one by one." Yeah, and it'll take him at least 10 minutes to do so, which means Mama gets to eat her enchillada. Is he crying? Is he yelling? Is he smacking the lady in the booth behind us? No! He's quiet and occupied and it's my purse anyway so hows about you go back to checking out the waitress and let me worry about the boy?

My older brother was/is an absolute pain in the rump and I am thankful every dang day that my mother didn't let that keep her from TTC again. DS just turned two and tests my patience on a daily basis. I've learned to take a deep breath and tell myself "You can do this." And besides, our toddlers will be at least 9 months older by the time our next babies are born, and 9 months makes a world of difference, right?

I totally feel you. I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 17 month old (14 months apart) and although they are pretty well behaved, there are some days where I even ask myself "WTH am I thinking wanting to have another one!?" lol. My DD has the semi-terrible 2's and she is a total diva, and my DS is just a wild child little boy that messes up anything when he gets the chance and he throws a hissy fit like no other child I've ever seen. It's just hard to balance the stress of my household duties, my children and TTC sometimes and I think it gets the best of me a lot. I find myself irritable a lot as well with the kids when my TTC emotions get to me. These last couple months have been much harder than the rest for me and I've noticed I've been much more frustrated with my kids because of it. Sometimes it just feels like I can't keep control of my life (any aspect of it) and it all comes crashing down. There have been times I've just had to lock myself in the bathroom for 15 minutes and cry because it gets so frustrating. It's always nice to see other moms going through the same things.

I could have written this myself! The day my daughter turned 2 her attitude totally changed. she went from being the sweet precious little girl to the smart-mouthed little teen! Add to that a little brother when she was 27 months and grandparents to dote on her every word (even if it's NOT said nicely) and sometimes I wonder who came in and swapped kids when I wasn't looking! My DS is all boy, active, loves to tear into things, screech, yell, etc and is VERY attached to me. He screams like someone is killing him if I shut the door when I go to the bathroom! None of the family wants to watch him because they are afraid he will scream the whole time.

Thankfully I was able to take an overnight trip with the church ladies a few weeks ago for a much needed break. Before that the longest I'd been away was 4 hours. DH watched the kids the first day and MIL watched them that night and the next day (DH was at the fire house). they said DS only screamed for about 15 min in the morning b/c he is used to nursing first thing and DH was in the shower, other than that he was a dream.

I would definitely suggest trying to take an afternoon/evening to yourself! I sometimes go to Wal-Mart at midnight just for some peace and quiet!

__________________

Melissa ~Independent Baptist daughter of the LORD, wife to J (7/05), SAHM to 24 weeker A (12/05)- full term W (3/08) and J.T. (12/30/09)

fighting breast cancer since 8/2010- recently found out it has metastasized to lungs, spine, ribs, femurs, hips, liver and brain

Any mama who says she hasn't had those feelings of inadequacy is kidding herself. It's a mother's curse to always feel like you could do better or to regret decisions that you made - right from birth! We all have our moments when we feel like a bad parent. As long as the moments of pride and love and joy outweigh those guilty moments - you're doing a great job!

Maybe God is just waiting for you to realize what a great mother you are before he blesses you with another. Sit down and write out all the things you're proud of that you do or have done for your daughter. Revel in all the ways you've enhanced and touched her life in positive ways. It might be just the lift you need!

__________________

~*Lucy*~
Loving wife and a devoted mama to 13: three in my arms
(Hayden, Felicity and Teagan), and ten in heaven.
Check out my blog, focusing on the wisdom of wee ones.

Parenting is a challenge, I had trouble getting pg with DS2 and it had nothing to do with my parenting of DS1 I just wasnt ready (I can say that now) had they been any closer together it would have been sooo hard on me. DS2 has severe allergies and is super go go go while DS1 is just mellow and awesome and easy. I love both my boys to death but they test me daily and they gang up on me and test me together and maybe you just need to breathe for a minute. Go out and relax even for a couple hours. Kids are hard. God does everything for a reason but he does not punish for parenting choices, he gently encourages with a soft and righteous hand.

Wife to a blessing I call Lovey & mommy to 3 boys! Trying to fill the space the Lord has designed for me.Kelton's Keepers~ the paci holder you CAN'T lose! Available for ALL brands of pacifiers. ISO: Saxon K Teachers Manuals, Meeting Books, and manipulatives kit.

Wow! You said it!!! I was SOOOOOOOO there one year ago! My ODD was in full blown Terrible Twos and I lost it regularly - I felt like I COULD NOT handle her. Yet there I was TTC another. DH would say the EXACT same thing to me, too! really annoying! I have to tell you - Keep TTC - you'll survive, and you'll look back and have forgotten how hard it was then (until you read a post like this one and feel compelled to comment)! Oh yeah - I SWEAR two is not twice as hard either - if fact, for me, I think two is actually easier than 1....
GL!!!
Sharie

Believe me, Katie, if imperfect parenting was the cause of no more children... most of us wouldn't be walking the globe right now! I know it's disheartening to go month by month with no progress... or to have a little bit of progress and watch it all come tumbling down like an avalanche... but it's not a punishment from the Almighty to you for being an imperfect mom. It just doesn't work like that (sometimes I wish it did, because if that were the case, Wal-Mart and the grocery store would not be the harrowing experience it is every time I go- where there's always a handful of children wrecking the store with no parents visible, that and idiot nephew would have been sterile)
because, well, despite the situation, the Almighty is a parent Himself and doesn't intentionally withhold joy from us.
The LO will eventually mellow out, they all do (I've helped raise six kids now, so I've seen quite a bit)... then they hit the teen years and you get a whole new level of frustration and heartbreak. I know, not helpful. You're doing great despite the obstacles. You have done things that many people in our culture think are absolutely absurd, but it's working! Your daughter is beautiful, intelligent, fairly healthy (except in cold season), and you have made some incredibly smart decisions with incredibly limited resources to make it all work. Don't be down on yourself!