November 29th, 2013 I began writing this novel. At the time I had been taking a break from writing, as I’d been going through serious writers block. Then I came up with an entirely new story, that was begging to be written. Today, November 29th, 2016 I completed this novel…and after working on it for the last three years I don’t know what to do with myself.

I mean, it is broken up into three books, so I can begin working on part two but…whoa. Three years of my life. I wonder how much my writing style has changed between the first and last paragraphs. I wrote two-hundred and forty pages. Well then. That’s neat.

I don’t know how to react right now. I randomly started tearing up, and now I feel like running around and shouting to the heavens, “I did it! I finished!”

To think I’d had serious writers block before starting this novel. It was at the beginning of the 9th grade, and I’d written six books in a series. I was trying to edit them all…and I’d realized that there were too many loose ends and a lot of things that needed work. While I was editing them, I kept trying to start other novels and I’d write a couple of chapters and then give up. It was horrible. Then I fell in love with the idea of this novel, simply because of an image from a dream I had. The novel haunted me. I tried to push it out of my head but it needed to be written. Now it is finally finished…whoa. This is so weird.

I have such mixed feelings right now. I managed to reach my goal. I just thought it would be cool to finish on the same day that I’d started, I guess determination is really…important. Now I feel like I can accomplish anything. I’m going to begin editing this as soon as all of my essays are done. This is so awesome.

Whoa…I feel like I’m all over the place right now. I just read a bit of the first page and I was like “Wow…my writing has gotten a lot better. Thank you creative writing courses.” This is just too much for me to take in right now.

Especially since I was having such a hard time earlier this year and over the summer. I’d felt as though I’d barely had any time to write this year but I still managed to reach my goal.

For those of you still working away at your novels, keep going. Even if it takes you three or four years to complete a work, the feeling when you’ve finished…I can’t explain it but it is wonderful. I haven’t felt like this since the day I finished writing my first book.

I always feel really happy when people react to my poems. Especially my much older ones from when I was around 16. I still get responses from people telling me what they think and its great.

I haven’t posted anything on that website in a long time, mainly because I started this blog and didn’t want my work to be under two different names. It was mainly in case someone claimed I was stealing somebody else’s work, when in actuality I’d just been writing under a different name. That could have become problematic. I have some friends on that website who would rip someone apart on my behalf simply because they know I try hard not to get involved in any sort of drama. They’d do it behind my back too without saying a word because they know I’d protest. At least I know they have my back.

Yah, I like that even three, four years later people are still finding my poems and responding to them. It makes me happy and also makes me realize that what I consider to be my “bad” writing has had an effect on people. Like…I’m sitting there going “I rhymed a word with the same word…why? WHY!?” but they’re like “Wow this really touched me. Thank you for sharing.”

Try not to think that because your writing is older that it isn’t any good, or worth looking at. It can help you grow. It shows the techniques you’d been using before, and you can compare it with how you are writing currently. For example, I used to try and use a lot of description, now I like to use a lot of dialogue. When I read my older work, I’m actually impressed with the way I described things but also annoyed at how detailed it is. I wrote something like,

“The bricks of the wall were a mustard yellow colour. The charcoal pavement looked strange up against the yellow bricks.”

I’d look a lot like this:

Yah…a thirteen year olds writing versus a twenty year olds. Same person…very different writer. I’ve never actually disliked my writing style. I’ve always been good with dialogue…but like man those descriptions were just sad. They were sad. I don’t know how else to describe them. They did nothing for the passages. They had no purpose. I just always felt like I wasn’t writing enough. Now I’m like “Okay end of chapter. Onto the next!” without questioning myself.

I would encourage everyone to go and look at their older work. Even comparing what genres you used to write is hilarious. I used to pretty much write the same two stories over and over again when I was little until around the 7th grade. Scenario, there is a kid (or group of kids) and they save an animal…or multiple. That’s the story. Some times it was talking animals saving other animals. I was one of those little kids that really liked animals. Yep…now I write about people. And I don’t use the same names over and over again. Like Jordan and Karen and Mac and Emily.

Mac and Emily are very, very famous characters of mine. They have three books and two were bound by my teacher in gr. 4. There are even pictures. And yes…they save the animals from bad guys who are trying to ship the animals off to another country to sell them.

Karen and Jordan also saved the animals from a ship that was trying to sell them to another country.

I wrote them in the same grade. Don’t judge. I wish I had them here with me, because I’d scan a page to show you what I mean.

And there was that story about the baby owl that lost its family and was raised by a human. I wrote that for my brothers birthday when I was maybe in first grade? I used to steal a needle and thread from my moms sewing kit and sew the pages together.

…I wrote so many stories as a kid how did my parents suddenly think I was a weirdo when I wrote six novels at 13? Guess its because I carried my notebooks everywhere and fell asleep with them in bed aha…yah. Good times. Don’t recommend sleeping on a binder. It’s cold and uncomfortable. Also you risk ripping pages.

Good morning, for some reason I’m up a lot earlier than expected…but I usually don’t sleep for very long. I should try harder to resist afternoon naps. They completely through off my schedule, and make me feel as though I’ve wasted my day…much like sleeping in.

I’m going to do a bit of light exercise this morning, since I’ve been slacking in that department lately. Then I’ll do some work on my novel and of course homework that I’ve put off far too long. I at least need to get some ideas down on paper. My schedule’s been pretty busy this weekend. I’ve had events since Friday evening, and after today it will be the end of that. I’m expecting it to go well today. Friday was…stressful.

I’m still trying to convince my younger sister to create a blog on wordpress.com for her art. She’s two won awards in the graphic narrative section of a yearly literary competition that is held for students in our hometown. She is her own worst critic however, so I believe this is what’s taking her so long.

I understand though. When it comes to my writing I am often reluctant to share it with my family and friends because I’m worried they’re judge me. Especially when it comes to my lyrics and poetry. A lot of the time my poems and songs are centered around characters I’ve created for stories I’m working on, so the themes behind them have a huge contrast. My creative writing professor last year was surprised when I shared a happy story that used warm imagery because all of my other work that I’d presented in class had a tendency to be very cold and depressing.

Speaking of cold, I think I’ll do my exercise in doors today. Burr…I’m shivering as it is. I like winter time but I don’t wanna be in the cold long if I don’t have too. I really love getting in a good work out early in the morning. Helps to lose all the stress from the day before. I always feel really pumped afterwards.

So, the other day I managed to conclude a very climatic scene within my novel. I haven’t actually reached the official climax point, but in another chapter or two I should be there. I’m so happy that I’ve managed to keep up with my goal as well as get one out of five essays done (the one due for this week). One thing at a time.

Unfortunately due to events I haven’t been able to work on my other novel, which is sort of something I’m doing on the side. I’ll probably work on it more once I’ve finished this one. The thing is though, that for that novel I get my best inspiration around October, as that’s the month in which the majority of the novel takes place.

The novel I’m currently writing takes place in the winter time, so this is perfect. Also, I expect it to be slightly longer than the other, simply because I is more of a…series I suppose. The first book in the series is almost complete, but there are more to come. I’m just keeping it all in one place to make my life easier.

Since I’ll be on winter break after exams, I might also gain some inspiration for other books I’ve been itching to work on. Seriously, I have binders and files filled with things I have to write…even just random pieces of paper scattered between my apartment and my parents place. All of this is stuff that I’ve collected from God knows when…but probably since the 6th grade, since that’s when I was writing films, plays and television skits. I’m one of those people who gets a lot of ideas…I spend most of my time up in my head than I do in the present, but I don’t believe its effected me negatively, since the result of that all of these stories, drawings and other things that I do.

Now if only I could work out as often as I write. I’d be a tank. Oh well, baby steps. I think I’ve lost a bit of weight.

“Aw…yah…I see it now. Yah…it’s there. It didn’t just magically appear outta thin air. But I didn’t get the outline for the assignment till last week. I barely had any time.”

“You had time to go and grab poutine.”

“Yah but–”

“And you had time to see Doctor Strange.”

“Yah but–”

“And you had time to order a pizza and play video games until midnight.”

“Yah but I–”

“You have no excuse. You just procrastinated. You put it off too long. And now, you’re stressed out.”

“Wish we could turn back tiiiiiiime…to the good old daaaaays…”

“Shut up! No singing! Sit you butt down and do your work!”

“But I’m hungry.”

“Yah…me too. Let’s go get food.”

“But…I have to do my assignment.”

“Eh…you’ve got till Thursday. There’s plenty of time!”

“It’s Tuesday….”

“Just…pull an all-nighter.”

“Last time I did that…I didn’t do so well on my assignment.”

“Do you sit around and complain all day? Jeez, I’m leaving.”

“Okay bye….”

The line, “Wish we could turn back time to the good old days,” is from Stressed Out by Twenty One Pilots.

Anyway, this dialogue just sort of happened all on its own. Hope it made you chuckle a little. I have a habit of inserting song lyrics into actual conversations I have with my siblings…and myself. Since this dialogue is me talking to myself. Happens a lot…yet, why question my sanity?

I didn’t sleep in this morning, I got distracted. Then I realized my apartment was a mess, and I was late for class and people were coming over. So, I wasted more time thinking about what I should do and how to prioritize my time. I decided I should probably stick around and clean the apartment, since I’m the only person who will…yah…I got stuck in that role…yay me.

Seriously though, I don’t know why people can’t make their bed, wash their dishes, vacuum. Like, I left the vacuum in the living room so everyone could use it! It is RIGHT THERE!

I’m not saying I’m perfect. I have trash to take out, and my bookshelf is still broken, so of course my stuff is everywhere, but my bed is made and I can walk everywhere else in my room except for where my books currently are.

I don’t think my roommates are lazy, and yes their course loads are a lot heavier than mine, but I have yet to see the bathroom clean before I go in there. How hard is it to clean the shower?

I’m also annoyed because my roommate hasn’t responded to my text message that I sent on Tuesday. I even put a note on the fridge about it. They haven’t said a word to me in person either. Actually, they avoid interacting with anyone else in the apartment as much as possible. They live in their own little world. I don’t dislike them, nor do I really care if they want to be buddies or not. I’m a quiet person as well, I tend to spend time by myself. I don’t need to hang out with people 24/7. However, I still greet people and ask how their day is. I don’t purposely avoid anyone (unless I have a good reason to). Also, it isn’t like I didn’t have to listen to my roommate arguing with their “special” friend every night at around 4 am until they broke up. Oh, and did I mention they set the smoke detector off multiple times in the middle of the night. So if I for some reason annoyed them a little bit, they can suck it up.

Just because my courses aren’t science related does not mean that I don’t have essays, presentations and readings to do. Unfortunately, people don’t seem to ever think I’m busy. I just did four presentations in a row. I have 3 papers and an essay to finish. Technically I have to get 2 essays done…as due to all the stress I’d been under my favourite professor told me to hand my essay in by December. I’d rather not wait that long to do it though. I honestly almost forgot about it. I’m grateful for the extension. I didn’t take an extension for another essay I had that was due in October, while I was extremely overwhelmed and I did horrible. That is the worst mark I’ve gotten on an essay before, and no I’m not one of those kids who gets an 80% and thinks I failed. I have to try in order to get good grades. I didn’t even do well on my midterm exams. It was awful. I basically got back three bad marks in a row, after all of that stress and sat there staring at them, thinking the world had ended. Not only that but I was still in “I have to be strong and not make any trouble for my family” mode, so I beat myself up over it until my sister showed up and snapped me out of it. She didn’t even notice anything was wrong. I guess that made things better.

I apologise for this large rant. I’m just frustrated with people right now.

I have another presentation to do in two weeks and half the group hasn’t shown up to our classes so that we can get work done. Oh, and one person dropped out of the course. Yah, and we aren’t allowed to use a script for the presentation.

Woo! Life is great!

At least I get to spend time with my older brother and my niece today. That makes up for all this other stuff.

I’m also on our music council so…I have things to do today relating to that which means I don’t know how much time I’ll actually get to spend with my folks. I have to go though because the concerts next week and we only have one practice left.

I’m gonna go eat some brownies for breakfast. I don’t care if I worked out yesterday. I want brownies and I’m gonna eat them and no one can tell me not to because I paid for dinner last night and I deserve it!

…Next time I’ll do a writing update…I have to get all this stuff done. Maybe this should become a segment on my blog? Haha. Yah…wow I feel really calm now.

Till next time,

— R.

Oh, by the way the brownies are half chocolate chip cookie. Isn’t that awesome!? I know…I know. I planned on making bacon and eggs for breakfast but I’ll have that tomorrow. No biggie.