The profoundly profound thoughts of Kath K

You sit there, listening to the rustling of the cows as they graze in the long grass. The kookaburras laughing merrily somewhere in the distance. The gum trees swaying in the breeze. The bright red and blue rosellas nibbling the apples on the tree.

This is Australia.

The sky is a powder blue, with white fluffy clouds. The sun is shining, but it’s not too hot. The air is scented with the smell of roses, apple blossoms and that distinct but somewhat indescribable smell of rural countryside.

Orange and black butterflies take flight as you stroll through the grass, the grasshoppers rustling underfoot, jumping as you near.

This is the Snowy Mountains.

It’s nearing dusk and a small mob of kangaroos are perched on the top of the hill, their ears flicking back and forth. They’re wondering whether it’s safe to come down into the long grass to feed. They make their way down slowly, cautiously. The big fella of the mob is leading the way.

This is home.

In the distance, the colour of the sky is changing from the powder blue that’s overhead. Rain is coming and it will be welcomed with open arms.

The clouds gather, darkening the sky and the rain begins to pelt heavily on the tin roof. The water tank is already overflowing as the rain begins to ease.

The clouds begin to clear, giving way to last few moments of the spectacular sunset of orange and red, the colours changing and shifting as the sun finally dips behind the hills.

Soon, night is upon us, the dark sky speckled brilliantly with the brightest stars imaginable. The night is quiet and calm, a slight breeze raises the hairs on your arms, but it’s not too cold yet.

You take a moment, to reflect on the day. The things you saw and did, the people you spoke with, the chores completed. The smiles on the children’s faces as they played outside, their contagious moments of excitement as they marvelled in the beauty of nature, the animals in the fields.

Things are slower here, but not achingly so. There was never a moment of boredom, but also not a moment when you felt life was going by so fast that you struggled to try and keep up.

You actually stopped and smelled the roses.

You think to yourself, how can I capture these moments? How can I make them last?

The calm, the happiness, the excitement.

You know you can’t always have them all, but you realise that when you do, you need to stop and appreciate them.

Stop and smell the roses, take those few seconds to marvel in the beauty of nature, smile as your children play happily.

Slow down and enjoy life, don’t let it just go rushing by without actually living it.

Sure you need to make a living and pay the bills and there will undoubtedly be times when life will get you down, but those times cannot go on forever.

The sun will rise again.

So take that moment, look up at the night sky and reflect on something or someone that made your day brighter and hold onto it in your heart.

Like this:

Well summer has well and truly hit where I currently live! The weather these last few days has been ridiculously hot. Not just your ordinary summer hot, but the blazing heat and flames of Mordor. A couple of Sundays ago for example, was the hottest day on record for this area, beating the previous record set in 1939.

I think the official temperature was around 47.3 degrees Celsius, however temperatures directing is the blazing sun were measured at 52 degrees Celsius! 52… that’s just bloody ridiculous!

So, we were all sitting there with struggling air-con (if we’re lucky enough to have it in the first place) experiencing the kind of heat that would turn a day at the beach into flaming mountains of lava as those silly enough to even try cooling down at the beach, burnt their feet trying to get from their carefully placed towels to the water. The kind of blazing heat that has you sweating as soon as you step out of the shower and has you wondering whether it’s the heat or if you’re a relative of the Wicked Witch of the West and you’re actually beginning to melt from the water in the shower.

A little like this:

Image courtesy of Flickr CC user Mark Dixon

I have mentioned before that I am definitely not a summer person, I detest the kind of heat that no matter what you do, you can’t cool down. Even air-conditioning struggles in that sort of ridiculous heat. The last couple of days have been a definitely improvement with temperatures in the high twenties or low thirties, but that will be changing again later in the week when temperatures in the forties are again predicted.

I’m trying to enjoy the milder weather while it lasts, but I’m already dreading the returning sweltering heat, with these milder days just a short reprieve. With the drop in temperature and some stronger southerly winds coming through, the alpine regions of Australia have also been enjoying some summer snowfall!

Yes, I am definitely not a summer girl, not only does the sun not go well with my pasty white, freckled complexion, but I hate to sweat! And I seriously couldn’t get a tan even if I wanted to, even as a kid I never tanned with my controlled sun exposure, nope, my freckles just connected and by the end of summer I even had freckles on my eyelids!

Yes, I hate summer and if I had to choose between the heat and the cold, I would choose the cold hands-down any day! With the right amount of clothing, socks and blankets you can somewhat escape the cold, especially indoors, but in the heat, there’s only so many clothes you can take off before you’re arrested for indecency.

So this white, freckled lass says, “Bugger off summer! Bring on winter!”

Now we wind down from the festivities of the holiday season, the time filled with decorating, gift-giving, spending time with loved ones and eating much more than you should!

There were so many things to do and prepare, so many things we need remember but the question I ask of you today is…

“Do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?”

There’s Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen, but it’s Rudolph who is arguably the most famous reindeer of all, with his bright red nose, illuminating the way for Santa’s sleigh in even the worst of all snowstorms.

Last Christmas season, I wrote a post on the story behind “The Night Before Christmas” poem and the origin of the names of Santa’s reindeer. Upon reflecting on that piece I became intrigued as to the origins of Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer and decided to do a little research.

Now, according to Wikipedia, Rudolph, in all his red-nosed glory, was created by writer Robert L. May in 1939. You see, May was commissioned by the Chicago-based retailer, Montgomery Ward, who had been giving away colouring books every Christmas season, in 1939 they decided it might be cheaper to create their own colouring book, this is where Robert L. May came in.

He came upon the idea when looking out his office window as the fog from Lake Michigan blocked his view, it suddenly hit him, a bright red nose that shone like a spotlight through the fog.

However, the story of the little red-nosed reindeer was initially rejected by publishers, as a red nose was seen as a sign of chronic alcoholism and therefore socially unacceptable as a children’s book character. However Robert L. May persisted with the idea, asking his friend Denver Gillen, an illustrator, to draw a cute reindeer using zoo deer as inspiration.

In it’s first year of publication, 2.4 million copies of Robert L. May’s charming Christmas story were distributed by the retailer. 2.4 Million!

This charming story has then evolved into many forms; including the famous song that was adapted from May’s original story in 1949 by his brother-in-law, Johnny Marks! Rudolph has since appeared in film, television, other story books, comic books, games and so on and is one most of the most recognised Christmas characters around the world.

So, whilst you might recall the most famous reindeer of all, can you name Santa’s other reindeer?

I’m still struggling to find my way lately. Struggling to find the motivation and procrastinating as much as humanly possible.

There’s a saying that my husband has, that has been playing over in my mind lately,

“Don’t wait for claps.”

– The Husband

Sometimes we need external motivators to get things done or we wait to do things because it is “too hard” and we think we need help. The truth is though, we are sitting there waiting for claps, for our own personal cheer squad to build us up and bring us home, to go the hard yards for us or at least hold our hand along the way.

Not everyone has their own personal cheer squad though, not everyone has someone there to hold their hand and handle the tough stuff for them. If you do, then that’s awesome, good for you, but it’s not necessary to success.

Be your own bloody cheer squad, don’t wait for claps!

When you go out on your morning run (or do your two minutes on the treadmill) and are spurred on by the clapping sound resonating around you, don’t be disheartened when you realise it’s your own thighs clapping together. No, don’t get down on yourself, own it! Your own body is cheering you on!

When you’re trying to work through a spot of writer’s block and you hear a slow clap begin and starting to build momentum, making you think you’re finally getting somewhere. Don’t feel let down when you realise it’s just your pen tapping rhythmically on the desk. No, let it spur you into action, because that’s you, cheering yourself on to keep going, to keep pushing through.

You don’t need your own personal cheer squad, you don’t need somewhere there to hold your hand and take care of the “hard stuff”.

Like this:

Again it has been almost a month since my last blog post. I have been doing a few things with my small business, made a few cards and gifts and even wrote a real estate description with the potential for more work on the way!

However, nothing big enough to justify my absence or the fact that I haven’t written anything substantial since January.

The truth is, I think I’ve lost my way.

Since returning from Budapest twelve months ago, I’ve found it a struggle to not only to find the time to write, but also to find the motivation. Things in Budapest were so much simpler, without the school drop-off and pick-up, without the alarms, without the interruptions that day-to-day life as a family of five.

All of these things drain my creativity, my motivation.

In Budapest I didn’t have to worry about driving multiple hours a day commuting for work or getting the children to and from school.

I know this is reality, but why does it have to be like this? Why does reality put so much strain on people? What ever happened to family time? To time just to sit back and smell the flowers? It seems that more and more people and families are experiencing a life of working dawn to dusk, almost every day of the week and it’s not even so they can try and get ahead a little, people have to work these ridiculous hours just to make ends meet, trying to make it stretch that little bit further until their next payday. Sacrificing time with their families, children, loved ones.

There’s a difference between living and surviving, at the moment most families are simply surviving and only just for many of them.

So when this is the reality for so many families, it’s a wonder that creativity still exists in the world of overworked, over-stressed and overstretched finances.

I know what you’re thinking. If you’re one of my fellow creatives, you’ll be saying to me to find the time, to chase the motivation and inspiration and I completely agree with you, in fact I’ve written about that type of thing before, about not waiting for the inspiration to strike, but to chase after it.

“You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.”

I still believe this, completely and wholeheartedly. However there are times when you find it almost impossible to give chase.

This is where I am now.

I’m lost in a world I’m not sure I belong in and I’m struggling to find my way.

I need to change, to find a place where we belong, not just for me, but for my family. A place where we can slow down, take a step back from reality every now and then and just be, without worrying how much damage the next utility bill is going to make.

I think I’ve found that place, at least I hope I have.

I might have lost my way with my writing, but it doesn’t mean I have given up. Every day I wake up, determined to find my way, to find which road to take, to get to the place I need to go, where WE need to go, to find the place my family needs to be.

Until we reach the next destination, I will continue my search and I will strive to find what I’ve lost.

Until then, here are a few random thoughts I’ve put together in a rough piece of writing called “The Journey of a Writer.”

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I know it’s been over a month since I last posted and things have been rather irregular lately, but there’s a reason for it.

Lots of things are changing, in a good way (which I hinted at in a previous post “Seasons of Change”). However, it’s the good changes that you have to fight for the most. You see, the things that you really want in life definitely won’t be handed to you on a silver platter.

You have to fight for it!

Sure, the news might report on an “overnight success” story or two, but these are either complete and utter blind luck or, the more likely scenario is, you never saw the years of hard work those people spent working towards their so-called “overnight success”.

There will be setbacks.

There will be times when you need to stand back and change your strategy.

There will be times when people (including yourself) tell you to just give up, that the dream is too big, that the goal is so far out of reach that it’s beyond the clouds in the sky.

That’s when we need to stand back and them them all to go and get stuffed!

Continue fighting for it with everything you have.

Sure there will be times when you even doubt yourself, so in that case, take a step back and remind yourself that “you’ve got this” and keep on fighting.

As long as you keep on working towards your goal or dream, you can never really fail. The point is that you fight for it, don’t sit back and say “It’s too hard” or wait for someone to hand it to you on that magical silver platter, there is no silver platter.

Here I sit, with my laptop repaired and restored, except for a few minor issues (DirectX or something). New super-fast and super-quiet SSD, rather than the old faulty HDD that caused all the issues to begin with.

I finally feel the hunger to write again, to express my thoughts and imaginings through words. To create, to explore and to escape the world for just a moment, all through words.

Things are changing for the better and I’m not just referring to the laptop issues.

Change is definitely in the air, both literally and figuratively.

While the nights are still cold, the days are warm, sunny and full of promise. When winter came along it brought with it the feelings of uncertainty and self-doubt, but the season for change is upon us again.

Some changes happen naturally, others are triggered by a series of events and happenings.

Change is not always good perhaps, but change is necessary and this is seen in nature.

No matter which season you enjoy (or detest) the most, each season plays a necessary role in renewal of the earth.

This is the same for us. While some changes get us feeling down, they often lead to others that leave us feeling renewed and full of life again.

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”
― Lao Tzu

Now here I sit, the changes of spring making an early appearance with flowers cautiously poking out of the ground, testing the air and revelling in the sunshine.

These are good changes.

Being able to comfortably write again at my laptop, renewing my hunger to express myself through words.

These are good changes.

Making decisions for our family, about our future.

These are good changes.

In life, in nature in everyday living, we go through seasons of change.

Like this:

One of my many cherished memories as a child was watching the Disney version of the story “Pinnochio”, actually any Disney movie, really. “Pinnochio” was like many Disney movies, that were not only enjoyable but also taught us many life lessons. No one can forget the iconic scene where Pinnochio’s nose grew every time he told a lie to the blue fairy, so much so that his nose sprouted leaves!

But the part that stuck with me most from that movie, isn’t that Pinnochio became a real boy or anything like that, but the part when Jiminy Cricket tells Pinnochio about wishing up n a star.

“When you wish upon a star

Makes no difference who you are

Anything your heart desires

Will come to you”

Lyrics from “When You Wish Upon a Star” copyright Bourne Co. music Publishers

As a young child I remember looking up at the night sky and wishing upon the first star I saw. Sometimes they were outrageous wishes that a child makes, like wishing for a pony or an endless supply of chocolate, but as I got older the wishes began to change and sometimes it was a wish for help and guidance or perhaps to do well in exams or something of the sort.

As a child, there was something magical about wishing upon a star, the belief that if our heart truly desired what we were wishing for, that it would come true. When I didn’t get the pony or the endless supply of chocolate, I was not disheartened, I didn’t feel let down, nor did it lessen my belief in the power of wishing upon a star. Not at all, I told myself that the reason why my often outrageous wishes didn’t come true was due to the fact that it was not truly my heart’s desire, my mind wanted those things, but my heart did not.

This became a turning point in the types of things that I wished for. I moved away from the material things and started to think what it was that my heart truly desired and you know what, more often than not, those wishes actually came true. Perhaps it’s just a coincidence and the magic of wishing upon a star isn’t real, perhaps it’s just a way of focusing on what our heart truly desires and taking the steps towards those things.

Maybe the magic is real, maybe it’s not.

I however, choose to believe in the magic, even if it’s just a way of holding onto a part of my childhood.

I believe in magic.

I believe that when we wish upon a star, anything our hearts desire will come to us.

Even now, I still wish upon a star, my wishes now mostly consist of the health and happiness of my family. Still though, every time I look up at the night sky, the first star I see calls forth these words,

Whether they be spoken, written or expressed in song, words evoke a range of emotions.

Happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, excitement, wanderlust, calmness, a sense of peace or even agitation and restlessness.

So many emotions, with just a few words.

But they need to be the right words, in order to evoke the desired emotion.

Words can call forth memories, reminding us of better times, or perhaps of sadness.

Yet the power of words is sometimes lost.

Lost in translation perhaps or beyond the understanding of the audience.

You see, in order for the words to be powerful enough to evoke the range of emotions, they first must be understood. If the words are too complex for the reader (or listener) then the power of them is lost. If the words are not in the language of the reader, then again, their power is lost.

Music however, is different. Music is a language all of its own, instinctively understood by all, no matter their age or language(s) spoken.

The notes, the key, the instruments used and so on, are the words, understood by those who can hear it.

Even the very young can understand and interpret the language of music. Some are more fluent in this language than others, for some this language comes naturally, for others it is something that is developed over time.

Even an infant can interpret and respond to the language of music, through the expression of emotion.

Don’t believe me?

Take this for example….

My youngest, who is now four, has always been particularly fluent in the language of music. Even as an infant baby he would cry when certain songs were played and express happiness or content when others were played. He would sob (not scream and cry, but sob) uncontrollably if someone was to sing to him “rock-a-bye baby”. He was the one-year old who would be listening to a Disney CD and would also sit sobbing quietly, tears streaking down his cheeks when the song “Baby mine” from Dumbo would play. As he got older he became more able to express the feelings evoked through music by saying Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata” made him sad, but also like he wanted to cuddle and sleep.

Have you ever heard a piece of music that evoked such strong emotions that you just couldn’t handle it? A piece that hit you “right in the feels?”

For my youngest and I, that song is “Feed the Birds” from Mary Poppins.

There’s something about that song, it’s a combination of the music and the words, combined with the imagery of the old bird woman that gets me every time, no matter how many times I hear it. I can’t even sing along without getting choked up, which can be a little annoying when it is one of my favourite songs.

The beauty, the pain.

“Though her words are simple and few,

listen, listen, she’s calling to you”

“This song makes me cry,” he said from the backseat as we listened to the soundtrack in the car. All I could do was nod in agreement, because for some reason, it has the exact same effect on me., no matter how many times I hear it.

I’m also that person who chokes back tears during musicals, especially at the theatre. Sometimes they’re happy tears, sometimes not, but always they are an expression of thanks. Thanks that I can experience and interpret the language of music and words.

Words are powerful tools for evoking emotions.

Music with the notes, key and instruments are just as powerful, perhaps even more so, as they can be understood by many.

So when music and words are combined, either for an audience or perhaps to bring out the emotion in the words as you write, music is a great and powerful tool.

Feed the birds.

Feed your creativity.

Use music to find the right words.

Because music and the right words have a power that we can’t always explain.

Recently I’ve been battling with the dark cloud that is self-doubt and what a dark cloud that is.

You see, a couple of months ago I spotted a writing competition for emerging novelists. To enter you needed to have at least started a manuscript with the intention of completing it, provide the first three chapters, plus an outline of the remaining chapters and a brief statement as to how the prize (of $10,000 and a year mentorship from a top publishing house) would help launch your writing career.

How awesome, I thought. Even if I didn’t win, it would be an amazing experience, I thought to myself. Entries didn’t close until July, so I had plenty of time to prepare my entry.

But then the clouds began to gather and rather than face my fears and tackle the increasing self-doubt, I did what I do best… I procrastinated and then procrastinated some more.

And now here I sit, wondering whether or not I’ve blown my chance at one of the biggest opportunities a writer can come across.

One of my children’s favourite movies of late is “Sing”. I also quite like the movie myself and don’t exactly object to listening to the soundtrack in the car, especially one song in particular sung by the angsty teen punk rock porcupine voiced by Scarlett Johansson. The song titled, “Set It All Free” tells the story of Johansson’s character not letting her ex keep her down or tell her she doesn’t have what it takes to be a star.

Stickin’ to the plan that says I can

Do anything at all

I can do anything at all

Whilst I’m definitely not some angsty teen and I don’t have some ass of an ex holding me back, the moral of the song I think is that we shouldn’t let anyone tell us that we can’t do it, that we can’t achieve our dreams, and that “anyone” also includes ourselves.

In striving to meet our goals and dreams, sometimes we can be our own worst enemy, holding ourselves back. Perhaps out of fear, fear of rejection? Fear of accomplishing our dreams and moving on to the inevitable “now what”? Fear of the unknown? Often it happens unconsciously, we don’t realise that it’s not the world and those in it that is holding us back, but ourselves. Whether it be through procrastination or perhaps finding excuses not to take that next step, we are the ones telling ourselves that we can’t do it, that we are not worthy and holding ourselves back.

What we need to do though, is set it all free. Let go of our fears and stop holding ourselves back.

Cos I’m here and I’m never letting go

I can finally see, it’s not just a dream

When you set it all free, all free, all free

You set it all free

I can do it, I am worth it, my dreams are not just dreams but goals. I need to let go of my self-doubt, set it all free and realise that it doesn’t matter whether I succeed on my first go, the point is to keep trying, to keep at it, because if I do that, then there’s really no such thing as failure.