When I was bigger the majority of clothes in my wardrobe were black, I was the queen of black clothes shopping, I could track them down, I could almost smell them! I would be overjoyed if one of the very few shops that stocked my size had new black stuff in!

What wasn’t black I had for years, things needed to last due to the lack of availability, one blouse I bought in 1996 was only thrown out last year. I would panic if it looked like a retailer would discontinue one of my ‘essential’ items, if they went having to replace them with something that fitted would be very stressful. I even bulk bought some wide leg trousers from M&S just in case, I had seven identical pairs at one stage. Evans introduced a new line in jeans once, I was overjoyed because a size 26 fitted, I did cut the label out though.

To compensate for the abundance of black I did though have great accessories, it was even brought up at a work ‘team away day’ that it was something people really noticed about me, I used them to detract from the rest of me.

From a clothes point of view I could cope with everyday, however parties were a challenge and entailed a lot of heart ache, and fancy dress parties, well they didn’t happen, I could come up with an excuse for not making it. I had enough problems dealing with how I looked every day without having to dress up and the odds of there being something in my size that wouldn’t just look ridiculous were pretty slim, it was always easier not to go.

So the shrinkage was interesting, all of a sudden a whole new world of clothes opened up. For the first three months I carried on wearing my old clothes, it felt good somehow to be covered and wrapped in them. However I decided I would like a new dress to wear at Christmas, I arranged to meet my best friend at a shopping mall, I got there first and went for a bit of a wander. I didn’t really know what size I was anymore so I was ambling around without any real focus, I walked past one shop that I’d never even been in before, after all they didn’t stock anything smaller than a size 18, the clothes were always lovely though. I took a deep breath and went in to have a look, I found a beautiful purple dress, decided to try it on while I was waiting for my friend.

Off I went to the changing room holding the size 18, thinking it probably would be too small but at least I could then eliminate the shop and focus my efforts elsewhere which would be fine. I looked in the mirror and realised that it fitted perfectly, but I was completely bewildered, I was still going through this period of not being able to see me in a mirror, so I took off the dress, went to a nearby cafe and sat clutching a coffee, I needed my friend to arrive, I needed her to tell me what I looked like in it.

Of course once she saw it, she told me how lovely it looks and half an hour later I walked out of the shop with not one but two dresses, both in a size 18, it turned out the dress came in different colours so I ended up with the purple one and a spotty one for work. I was so happy, that bag meant the world to me.

I walked into work the next week wearing that dress, and my shrinkage was very evident for everyone to see, heads turned that morning! It was a kind of coming out ceremony and letting everyone know what I was doing. I had been up to that stage not really talking about it to anyone other than very close friends, I was still getting my head around it after all, I didn’t even really know how to explain it.

It started off the process of replacing my clothes, as soon as something was too big, it went to the charity shop or was thrown out. But this meant buying new things, there were all these shops now where I could go, it was exciting, overwhelming and rewarding. I did though find I needed someone with me, the head thing was still proving to challenge me in being able to see what I looked like, luckily I have wonderful friends who were more than happy to help me!

I have a lovely wardrobe now, full of colour, I find it hard now to buy black and I would never wear it head to toe. My accessories are now far more understated, I don’t need to hide.

So my thoughts from this for you are:

Evict the clothes that are too big, if you keep them ‘just in case’, what you are actually saying to yourself that you will fail and need them in the future, don’t give yourself the option, free yourself.

Buy new things! There is nothing more exciting than finding a smaller size fits! Don’t keep telling yourself you’ll wait until you’ve lost loads more weight, you’ll keep much more motivated believe me if you do it as you go along!

Look at things you wouldn’t have dreamed of wearing when you were bigger, there’s no need to hide anymore!

And ditch the black!

And the photos, the first one was taken in September 2009, I’d lost a little bit of weight then, the second one was taken in May 2010, that pink top proved to be very important and I’m wearing white, big girls don’t wear white?