Friday, September 17, 2010

In this week's fight, two men enter and one cup leaves. Wait, I think that's another thing entirely. Back to the thunderdome! In truth, though, this week's fight only involves 2 people for the first time I can recall. This is a huge first for us here and a great feat considering the fight is from BoLS.
After writing up a fine review of the Soulgrinder one of the fine people sheeple who use BoLS decided to jump all over Brent's shit for no reason. Or maybe because he's a humorless prick. I won't speculate further here. Fear not Chaos Gerbil, that thing you sent me will still get a write up and should be showing up on BoK in the next few days. Check the HoP blog roll to see when it goes live.

As ever, none of the names have been changed to protect the innocent (and one of them is even a real live real person name), but their avatars have been for my own amusement. Be sure to vote in the poll after the fight; an old friend will be returning this week- don't miss out on the fun. Since there are only 2 participants this week, and the fight was contained in a single thread (so far, I have a feeling this saga isn't quite over), I didn't have to rearrange anything. So, for the first time ever you're getting a fight that I didn't have to edit in any way- a director's cut if you will. Enough of that though, I'll talk about that in the making of documentary and commentary track that follow*.

I'll cut the ranting off there. Read on for a fight that I, in my best Don King voice am officially dubbing "the faux hawk vs. the cult of personality."

Warboss_Stalin-~and wow, I'm vaguely offended already. Way to take a polarizing name, asshat Can you highlight the 'Crunch' ~you know nothing of the crunchso we can skip the 'fluff' (AKA Bad Jokes)? Thanks.

Brent- Nope, probably not. ~a strong start, no buckling to pressure, will he quite while he's ahead? Nope, probably not

I'd write them even if I was the only person who thought it was funny.

But I'm not, so lighten up already!

Sorry you don't like my humor, but I'm writing 'Brent' ~please tell me that's not the title of your novel - I couldn't change if I tried

Warboss_Stalin- You know, if it actually WAS funny, maybe I wouldn't mind. ~looks like we can officially add humorless to the list of adjectives describing what a useless prick Warboss is

Brent- I don't mind that you don't mind. ~but Brent, he said that he minds that you're not funny, so what you wrote makes no sense. well played

If you can't see past it all, vote with your mouse. ~how many votes do I get if I use a mouse and the identities of `14 recently deceased elderly to vote? Don't read any article I write.

Frankly, I'm tired of hearing writing advice from some dude who thought 'Warboss Stalin' was a clever idea. ~if you thought that was clever, just wait until my secret identity's alter ego's alter ego hits the scene- Adolf_Fitler

Warboss_Stalin- That's because your too stupid to realize he has a famous quote that fits ork combat tactics perfectly. ~and YOU'RE too stupid to realize that the quote in question is pretty fucking offensive in light of the historical context.

Brent- So, I'm 5 minutes home from school only to see this gem in my box.

...

Could it be, I don't know, "One death is a tragedy - a million is a statistic?" ~oh shit and there I was thinking it was "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few"

That's what you think is so clever you choose to emulate it as your choice of nickname? It's famous because of the sheer horror of 20 million plus dead boys. ~oh, now I see the humor

A generation dead. That was a start.

An Ork horde in a game is fantasy - in real life it's a nightmare.

Puppy.~the fuck? Don't memorize one quote and call yourself an intellectual. ~you missed a perfect opportunity to quote something/someone else, perhaps changing it in a way as to be snappy. Here I'll go. "All the world's a stage and you should be on the next one out of town" -W. Shakesbeer*

By the way, what you're looking for is 'you're' - as in the contraction, 'you are.' You've had half an hour to catch that mistake before I came along and called you on it.

That's funny. ~see if I can make the strictly average quote wall again.... When calling someone an idiot, it's generally best to avoid making grammatical mistakes

Warboss_Stalin- Cute, but no. How about "Quantity has a quality all of its own." ~fuck man, that's not even like the 50th quote that comes to mind when somebody mentions Stalin. I'm glad you get it and think it's clever though. How's that working out for you? Being clever... oh, you're a smug asshole. Well good luck with that Even in your replies you go off on tangents, assuming you know something about my intellect. ~you set the precedent for assumptions when you ASSUMED that Brent didn't know anything about Stalin, I think he proved you wrong as shit on that front If you can't handle criticism about your pathetic writing skills (or was that a pathetic attempt at satirical writing?), don't post anything at all. ~if you can't handle criticisms about how your screen name makes you sound like an asshole, fuck off and die

Brent- Mine fits at least as well as yours.

We're back to square one; if you don't like my articles, don't read 'em. If enough people don't read 'em, Big Red will drop me. ~does he provide you with safety gear before he drops you?

Start a club ~brutal dictators only. No girls allowed. Have a day.
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*none of these things do or will exist

I have to admit, reading these posts is my guilty pleasure. Entertaining as it is, the Internet oozes so much meaniness that I think it actually affects me. Every time I read a FNIF I think I become a slightly worse person. I didn't even bring water to my sick wife so I could read the article for the love of baby Jesus!Anyway, Warboss Stalin is worse than my other nickname: Commissar McCarthy.

As Brent personal portraitist I have to go with him. I kind of feel bad for Uncle Joey. Just because he made a poor choice of who he looks up to doesn't make him an ass. He is a man that needs a hug. A big, strong, burly, Russian man hug and he chose Uncle Joey just highlights the fact that he want to go on a mustache ride.

It's like that time my mom caught me masturbating. What's there to say? - Brent

1. "Shh be quiet don't wake up dad"2. "Impressed much?" 3. "Don't worry I learned this from Father O'Houlihan". 4. "It's either this or a hooker, make up your mind."5. "I could use a hand..." 6. "Do you have a tissue in your purse?"7. "Dance for me, no no, slower"8. "Call Guiness I'm going for the record"9. "aaaannnndddd scene..."10. "Can you turn around and walk out slowly" 11. "Was I adopted?"12. "Don't worry I am thinking about girls...mostly"13. "Can I borrow your sweater?" 14. "Does that skirt stain?"15. "You're right, I should probably go inside." 16. "And boom goes the dynamite."17.

I'm not going in the "offended" bus, since I've seen too much on the Internet to care, but the irony of somebody that chooses "Warboss_Stalin" as his nickname complaining about something not being funny is glaring.

Kick ass blog network

Want to contact Dethtron- who wouldn't?

Feel free to send me your hate mail, links to other people's bullshit, inernet fights, naked pictures of Bea Arthur, or anything else you feel like passing along, but for the love of god please add "permision to publish" or "please don't publish" somewhere in the e-mail to save us all time.