5. Hoodies With Earbud DrawstringsHaven't you always wanted headphones you could chuck in the wash? No? Are you sure? What is it about hoodies that makes them such fruitful ground for pointless innovation?

6. Plastic High-Heel ProtectorsI'm not saying there isn't a need for this sort of thing, but sticking a giant rubber blob on your heel isn't exactly low profile, especially not when it's covered in glitter. I literally never thought I would say this, but sometimes glitter is not the answer.

7. Bras That Double as Face MasksWell, that's one way to get people to pay attention to the in-flight safety videos. "Please secure your own bra mask before assisting others. Breathe normally. Oxygen is flowing, even if the cup does not fully inflate."

13. Custom Rubber Slippers You Make at Home by Dipping Your Foot Into Molten PVCJust make sure you crack a window and turn on a fan before taking them off. Rubber + bare foot + zero ventilation = WMD-level foot odor. Excuse me. I just threw up in my mouth a little.