Never Give Up

by Susan, NAMI member
Avanzamos issue 18, March 2013

In 2009, I learned that my 19-year old son Sam had robbed a fast-food restaurant when his face flashed across my TV screen in a Crime Stoppers news bulletin. Turning him in was a devastating experience. While I realized that there was not a reasonable or viable alternative, it did not ease the guilt, fear or despair that I felt. It was a new low in a five-year period of our lives that had been marked with significant academic concerns, truancy issues, drug and alcohol abuse and other alarming behaviors.

His father and I were unsuspecting and unprepared when Sam was suspended from high school for bringing alcohol and shocked when his mandatory urine analysis revealed marijuana use. We responded with outpatient chemical dependency treatment. Less than six months later he ran away from home. The month that he was gone was agonizing. Inpatient chemical dependency treatment and a diagnosis of attention deficit disorder and medication followed. We enrolled him in a mentoring program. He returned to school but relapsed and more treatment options followed. He made it to high school graduation but soon followed with an overdose, a 911 call and an emergency room visit with five broken teeth.

My son spent four months in jail before transferring to a longer-term prison. I felt crushed when Sam was arrested and I was terrified for his safety when he went to jail. During his incarceration, I had the opportunity to attend a Washington State Department of Corrections’ Family Advisory Council. My perceptions of prison were gleaned from Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile, so I was very nervous, but all in attendance were made to feel welcome and I came away with some real and helpful information. I also volunteered to act as a backup council member to attend the Statewide Family Advisory Council meetings in Tumwater, Wash. Initially, I was involved only with the aim of helping my son but over time I have come to see the bigger picture and to genuinely care for other inmates and families. This work is so important to me that I remain involved even though my son has completed his sentence and is no longer under DOC supervision or their jurisdiction.

Soon after his release in early 2011, his urine tests were “dirty” again. I did not want to jeopardize Sam’s freedom or my relationship with him, but he was taking more and more risks. As difficult as it was, I decided that protecting his safety was more important, so I began reporting his use to his probation officer. Ultimately, Sam was jailed again and completed another inpatient chemical dependency treatment—his first as an adult.

Sam became a first-time father the next year. Within a week after his son’s birth it was evident that Sam’s thought patterns had become extremely delusional and his behaviors were bizarre and erratic. Police officers responded to a 911 call and medics took him to a hospital for evaluation where testing revealed no drugs in his system that would explain what was happening. A designated mental health professional recommended inpatient psychiatric care but no inpatient beds were available in the four-county area and he was released. Two nights later we found him in a manic state in the same hospital with the ER physician giving a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. Sam was unwilling to stay and we were told he was not detainable, but he was obviously unwell and unsafe.

Not knowing what else to do, I called the Department of Corrections. I commend them for coming to Sam’s aid, though it probably didn’t look anything like that when he was arrested and taken to the prison’s “Reception Center” where he received a mental health evaluation before being transferred to another prison where more specialized care was available. Two weeks later, he was released with a month supply of three psychoactive medications—he has used the term bipolar to describe his condition. I am relieved and hopeful that he has a condition that can be treated. However, I am concerned that although the medications seem to effectively manage the mania, he seems emotionally “flat,” perhaps even kind of sad though he says he feels “okay.”

Sam’s son’s face lights up whenever he sees him and Sam seems comfortable in his parental role. Sam continues to battle with the demons of addiction but he tells me that he knows he must get treatment so he can continue to be a positive force in his son’s life.

I was so overwhelmed with these experiences and my emotions that I lost my capacity to be concerned with what other people might be thinking about him, me or my family. It made it a lot easier to decide to be open about what was happening to us. Being more transparent put me in a better position to receive helpful information such as treatment resources or support services and to receive encouragement and hope. It has also allowed me to be a resource and encouragement to others who are experiencing similar difficulties that has been a beautiful and priceless gift.

My faith has sustained and guided me through this journey. My hope in Jesus has greatly comforted me. I am grateful that my son is willing to continue to try and I cannot imagine ever giving up on him. Someone once said to me that the treatment he has received so far “did not work” and implied that it was a waste of time, money and other resources. I do not see it that way at all. I don’t think my son would still be alive today if it were not for the treatments. We have to do the best we can with what we have and what we know at any given time.

View more of ¡Avanzamos! Issue 18, focusing on mental health in the criminal justice arena at www.nami.org/avanzamos. Other articles in this issue feature similar expertise from the front lines—“Ask a Cop,” offers tips from crisis intervention trained officer and a NAMI advocate; “Treatment, Not Jail,” expert NAMI staff commentary on options and available programs; a Q&A with a public defender from an innovated jail diversion program; and “Change in Perspective” a front line responder gains new expertise with own mental health condition.

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