Thursday, June 2, 2011

An Open Message to Teenagers......Yes, Again.....

I've touched on this before, I know...but humor me, please. Ironically, you kind of have to - I've got the keyboard, blog site, and (hopefully) your attention. I've made statements before about our youth....including last night. This message, however, seems to be lost as I am 'preaching to the choir' with most of you. This is on our collective behalf. I thought it best to actually address the youth directly this evening, so here goes:

Dear Younger Generation,

It appears you're seeing us - your parents, grandparents, and other adults - as something we're not. You apparently think, when you look at us, that there's a village somewhere missing their idiot. Oh, you'll deny it and try to tell us you think the world of us which, by most accounts, you do. Sadly, though, you also think we have turnip greens in our hair as we have just fallen off the turnip truck. Quite honestly, I have never understood that expression, but hey, it works. You get the idea. You must think we were born at night which, though some of us were, it was not last night. There's another doozy we always use, eh? Let me put it more succinctly - we aren't stupid and we're on to you. As I have often told both my son and daughter, "You can try to get away with anything and everything you'd like. Please know, though, that you will not succeed." Here's the deal, kids - you're going to get caught. I mean it. Now, let me say, too, that you're going to want to test that theory. Bit of advice? Don't bother. See, now you're thinking I'm just trying to scare you into submission. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am trying to tell you that you will get busted! Here's the inside story of how I know - I did it. Got busted, I mean. You will, too, I can promise you. You see, we tried all the games our parents tried. Then, when we were done trying those games and needed a little more adventure, we invented new games and tried something even more radical. Want to guess? Yep, we got caught at those, too. We invented the game and you are not as good as we were at it. Period. Let's say, for example, that you're going, I don't know....to the beach. Yeah, that's a good one. We've been there too and, just for good measure, we've seen all the Spring Break/End of School movies. The ones where they have wet t-shirt contests by the pool during the day and drunkfest parties at night. Yes, my dear children, they even had alcohol in our time. We ingested our fair share and know all the signs. So all of a sudden you go to the beach and LOOKIE THERE!!! Some friends from home! What a coincidence running into them there! Yes, they're boys and you happen to be two newly-graduated girls fresh out of high school just glad to see them to 'hang out' with them. Poor guys were supposed to hook up with some of their buds, too, but damn! - they can't find them. Whatever will they do? Sure, you could take pity on them and let them crash at your pad (nice - a 70's term) on the floor. What else would good friends do? Uh, hello? McFly? No turnip greens here, ladies! This was a planned excursion and you aren't fooling anyone! Now you're going to tell me you're going out with a white midriff t-shirt with nothing underneath because.....you left the bikini top in the car and will put it on at the pool in the bathroom. Seriously, I wish I could see me...or any adult through your teenager 'I can pull one over on them' eyes. We're not slow, we're not mentally-challenged and we are sure as hell not stupid. Do not lie to me, do not try to get one over on me, do not be an idiot yourself. One of these stupid things you're going to try could get you killed....or worse - pregnant. Just sayin'. Anyway, I hope you heed the advice and hope you understand where I'm coming from. I feel confident in saying I speak for most, if not all, of the parents I know....and the others, too. Again, if you're going to try it, do so at your own peril. We love you...but will not hesitate to take the keys and 'bench' you.

PS. We can still do these things better than you'll ever dream of doing them. We're rock stars.....and we earned the title.