How to Hire the Perfect Caregiver

Since Dean and I have had a total of three nannies, one of whom we fired, I feel keenly aware of what is important when looking for a caregiver, which is this: trust.

Do you trust this person to care for your child?

Does this person have the maturity and intelligence to make decisions in an emergency?

Will this person put the care and interests of your child over her own?

Is this person loving?

Will she love your child?

Unfortunately, these are not questions that you can ask during an interview! You have to rely on references and your own gut. Here is what I have learned.

1. Stalk the caregiver online.

This seems creepy, but it’s not. This is someone who will be taking care of your child! From my stealth sleuthing, I discovered how involved our former nanny was in our community and specifically, the planning of the neighborhood playground. SCORE!

I think one of the best indicators of a good caregiver is that they continue to provide care even after kids go to school. Families have them booked solid for babysitting because they’re in such high demand.

4. Catch them off-guard.

Drop in on the nanny unexpectedly. Tell them you’re going to be home at 5pm, then make a surprise appearance at 3pm. I’m all for nanny cams. Whatever you need to do to ensure your child is in good hands.

5. Trust your gut.

The nanny that we fired wasn’t horrible. She just wasn’t great. When she had Franco solo (because the other kid was sick), she insisted that she take him to the museum (she had a regular meetup there with her other nanny friends). Dean commented that Franco was only 4 months old and she could instead stay home, but she refused, saying that Franco loved the museum. Uhh, yeah sure, lady.

Not too long after that, she sent us a video of Franco baking in the hot sun. He wasn’t in the shade and he didn’t have a hat on. Dean and I both came home from work and we said simultaneously, “We’ve got to get rid of her.”

And that’s when we found our next nanny who was so friggin amazing that people called her the unicorn nanny, as if there was no way she existed. We had to give her up when we moved out of the city, but to this day, we try to see her or bring her flowers when we’re in the neighborhood.

I would love to hear some good caregiver stories! Good and bad. Please share with me 🙂

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Never had a caregiver in all honesty as I have worked from home for most of the time I have had kids with the exception of the 1st year of my older daughter’s life. And during that time my mom watched her mostly for us. But still you lay this out perfectly and great advice for those who are in need.

We’ve been working with our nanny, Jeffrey, in some form or another since 2011 (!) – first 6-12 hours a week while I looked for work/worked part-time, then as a casual babysitter after we moved out of the city. When I went back to work in early 2014 when my little one was about 6 months old, I called Jeffrey and told him he had right of first refusal for our nanny job, but I would understand if he didn’t want to commute 30 miles from the city every day. He said he’d make his peace with that because he felt like he really clicked with us as a family and that was more important to him than a short commute. So that’s my advice – when you find someone who works, try to stick with him or her if you can! We do that by being as flexible as possible with hours (within reason of course), offering paid vacation and sick time (I expect it from my employer, why shouldn’t he expect it from us?), and making it clear that we see his employment with us as a partnership – I depend on and value his thoughts and advice on my kids, and I expect him to be ready to contribute when I ask those kinds of questions.

Also, I guess, don’t be afraid to go with the unconventional choice – I have had people tell me they could never imagine leaving their kid with a male nanny (even while acknowledging that that ingrained prejudice probably doesn’t make sense), but my boys LOVE him (as do virtually all the other kids at the playground!).

I think the trust your gut advice is so incredibly important. My cousin and his wife had a rather unfortunate incident with their nanny that they actually captured on the nanny cam. At first they thought they would give the benefit of the doubt, but then they saw her doing it again (it involved hitting their 1-year-old which they asked the nannies NOT to ever do under any circumstances). I think it must be SO difficult to put your trust in someone to watch and be with your child when you can’t, so it’s unbelievably important to ask the tough questions and dig deeper (as you say) to find the right one <3

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Welcome to my site, derived from an advice column I wrote while getting my MBA. I live in the San Francisco Bay Area. I give helpful, opinionated advice based on my own experience and from the expertise of my extensive network. For more, click here.