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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Remember that time when you were six and you accidentally opened the bathroom door without knocking first and then you saw your grandmother naked and there was lots of screaming and then you whimpered yourself to sleep for the next few weeks?

This is kind of like that.

Now I know what you're thinking: "That looks a little like 'Merry Ghristmas.'"

You're right, and we've trained you well.

However.

There are a few other things worth noting:

Like the empty bottle of XXX booze.

Or the little sack of "toys."

Or Santa rubbing Rudolph's hoof.

Or Rudolph splayed drunkenly across the bed with a towel covering his twigs and berries. His bells and clapper. His partridge in a pear tree? His one horse open sleigh. His...ok, you get the idea.

Or - in case you missed it - Santa rubbing Rudolph's hoof.

Or the fact that Rudolph CLEARLY had a cigarette in his mouth that has since been removed.

Now, originally John and I tried to write some dialogue for this scene, but then the word "coitus" came up and I knew we just couldn't do it, so to speak. So I leave it to you, my sweet, snarky wrecktators: Write us your best caption for this scene and we'll send our top three favorites a signed copy of Wreck The Halls for Christmas. Good luck, and do try to keep it "clean." ;)

Thanks to Lisa D., who will never be able to look my grandmother Santa in the eye again.

Update! After reading through more than 500 comments, I am now thoroughly uncomfortable. And I think I need a shower. Here are the winners:

"And that was when Santa realized that he should probably stop taking his work home with him."-elliespen

The North Pole's lies finally revealed in shocking picture! Rudolph's song and story are all propaganda machine spin created to hide Rudolph's ongoing drinking problem.

Like any good spin, it has the truth embedded in the lie: To start we all know the chronic drunk will have a red nose - the cranberry spirits the polar bears brew up in their bathtubs is potent has especially strong reddening effect. 'All the reindeer laughed and called him names'. Classic example of a crowd's reaction to some stupid drunk trying to do everyday things. 'Never let him join in any reindeer games.' Of course not. Who wants to play with a drunk who forgets rules, has a short attention span and a short fuse. And last, the story where he ran away to the island of misfit toys was really an intervention and a trip to a rehab facility for 'misfits' to get the help they need. Unfortunately the bad weather for Christmas shattered any hopes for rehab. Santa, realizing the need for that shining nose to cut through the poor weather, sent to have him removed from the clinic and given large quantities of cranberry lightening to fire up his nose. That is how Christmas was saved that year, a sleigh led by a reindeer three sheets to the wind. The late start of Christmas that year led to inquiries, and that's when the propaganda machine kicked in to cover up the uglier details, and everyone was happy. Except that Rudolph realized he had the upper hoof after becoming a Christmas hero due to the propaganda spin. Santa's problems were compounded by the little known fact that it is just as illegal to drive a sleigh with an intoxicated reindeer as it is to drive while intoxicated. With that, and the truth behind the propaganda, Rudolph soon had Santa under his hoof and bowing to his every whim just to keep Rudolph happy and to protect his and Christmas's image.

And so we find him here doing foot massages after one of Rudolph's binge drinking weekends with the polar bears, fearing the lash of a back hoof if he does anything wrong.

Tonight we find out the truth about why all of the other reindeer used to laugh, call him names and never let him join their reindeer games. But Rudolph knew the key to success and was determined to do whatever and whoever it took to get to the front of the pack. The rise and fall of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer;next on E True Hollywood Stories