@butterbll: I neglected to realize that this issue is bigger than men being the abusers and women being the victims. This does put whole nother spin on things. I knew that men where judged by size as well but not to that extent. As women, we are condition that no matter how successful we are we always have to fit a certain standard of beauty. If we have any deviation from that we are considered not as attractive. I believe that when a person treats an individual as if they are less than the individual starts to believe it and thinks that's what they deserve. I feel that no matter gender, race, size, shape no one deserves to be treated by a person like this. If you find someone attractive enough to sleep with you should not mind taking them around friend. I am interested in knowing the expectations of men of bigger sizes are in comaparison to how larger women are? Butter thanks for your comment as always.

@butterbll: I neglected to realize that this issue is bigger than men being the abusers and women being the victims. This does put whole nother spin on things. I knew that men where judged by size as well but not to that extent. As women, we are condition that no matter how successful we are we always have to fit a certain standard of beauty. If we have any deviation from that we are considered not as attractive. I believe that when a person treats an individual as if they are less than the individual starts to believe it and thinks that's what they deserve. I feel that no matter gender, race, size, shape no one deserves to be treated by a person like this. If you find someone attractive enough to sleep with you should not mind taking them around friend. I am interested in knowing the expectations of men of bigger sizes are in comaparison to how larger women are? Butter thanks for your comment as always.

@ hnybrn30: Thanks for the comment. You are right about that. You accept how a person treats you. I, for one will not settle for less. I have seen that you have started blogging welcome to LF and to the blogs. Keep on blogging.

@ hnybrn30: Thanks for the comment. You are right about that. You accept how a person treats you. I, for one will not settle for less. I have seen that you have started blogging welcome to LF and to the blogs. Keep on blogging.

@Tori: That is a reflection of the way she sees herself. If someone is confident in who they are they would never let someone treat them as anything less than what they see themselves as. This statement that you said was very powerful, "people won't change until the pain of remaining where they are is greater than the pain of change". So only you can determine when enough is enough. You can choose who you let enter and exit your life. The guy that chooses to make a woman feel this way has no self-esteem. You like who you like and you walk boldly with that person on your arm. I do agree that fat discrimation for health care, clothing, etc. has influence people to not be as receptive to overweight people. I am not saying that living a very unhealthy lifestyle is good. However, this is the body that we have at this particular time and we do not need to be ridiculed for it. Thanks so much Tori. You are a very informative person. I just wish that people be just by there character and not their physical traits. This is the last "political correct" prejudice.

@Tori: That is a reflection of the way she sees herself. If someone is confident in who they are they would never let someone treat them as anything less than what they see themselves as. This statement that you said was very powerful, "people won't change until the pain of remaining where they are is greater than the pain of change". So only you can determine when enough is enough. You can choose who you let enter and exit your life. The guy that chooses to make a woman feel this way has no self-esteem. You like who you like and you walk boldly with that person on your arm. I do agree that fat discrimation for health care, clothing, etc. has influence people to not be as receptive to overweight people. I am not saying that living a very unhealthy lifestyle is good. However, this is the body that we have at this particular time and we do not need to be ridiculed for it. Thanks so much Tori. You are a very informative person. I just wish that people be just by there character and not their physical traits. This is the last "political correct" prejudice.

I feel that being in the PHAT closet is not totally a male thing.I have seen that women as well do that behavior as well.I feel that it is a deeper problem of not supporting you partner no matter what their size is . Because of fear of riddicule from so called "Civalized Society" whom has a phobia about those whom are not a Stereo-typical 2% body fat type and the person not wanting to be left out of their pack group. Because of a new person in their life .I also agree that the person isolating their partner from his or her circle of freinds could be a waring sign that the person is being "Groomed" by that person to be mentally abused .It is a classic M.O for a abuser to Isolate their victim from their support group and to nibble away at the victiums self esteem .Till the victim has none and will accept any type of lie as truth. Acceptinh that lie just to keep that partner happy and in their life. Because by now they beleive and fear that they are not worthy of love from others outside their present partner. This behavior is typical for ALL Abusers being Male Or Female . Just my .02cnts.

I feel that being in the PHAT closet is not totally a male thing.I have seen that women as well do that behavior as well.I feel that it is a deeper problem of not supporting you partner no matter what their size is . Because of fear of riddicule from so called "Civalized Society" whom has a phobia about those whom are not a Stereo-typical 2% body fat type and the person not wanting to be left out of their pack group. Because of a new person in their life .I also agree that the person isolating their partner from his or her circle of freinds could be a waring sign that the person is being "Groomed" by that person to be mentally abused .It is a classic M.O for a abuser to Isolate their victim from their support group and to nibble away at the victiums self esteem .Till the victim has none and will accept any type of lie as truth. Acceptinh that lie just to keep that partner happy and in their life. Because by now they beleive and fear that they are not worthy of love from others outside their present partner. This behavior is typical for ALL Abusers being Male Or Female . Just my .02cnts.

hi,i heard and seen this before;even though i hasnt happen to me. see should think more herself than to put up with that man.i would think if he was areal man he would be proud to include her in his whole life.plus she can do better

hi,i heard and seen this before;even though i hasnt happen to me. see should think more herself than to put up with that man.i would think if he was areal man he would be proud to include her in his whole life.plus she can do better

You can point it out, but the messenger usually is killed. Unfortunatley for most of us, we have to come to realizations about our challenges all by ourselves. e.g. this man is in her life as her own reflection of how she sees herself in the mirror. When she sees herself more kindly, the kind man will be along shortly to reflect it. In most cases, myself included is that people won't change until the pain of remaining where they are is greater than the pain of change. Unfortunately there may be preference for larger women but the media and society at large villifies us. It has been shown through social eperiments over and over again that larger women are not treated with the same respect as a customer, as a potential employee, as a mate, the list goes on. Then to top it off, it was in the late 90s that I saw what big pharma was doing in their carefully crafted campaign to sell more drugs. They began ghost writing in medical journals, lobbying bureaucrats and health officials etc that being overweight was basically the cause of all disease and rising medical costs. It wasn't until the early to mid 2000s that it was brought to everyone's attention in the public - as false as it is. So if there is that type of "hate" surrounding being overweight, then people will shy away from the association.

+++weird how LF places my coments under your original comment instead of under your additional comment - sorry about that.

You can point it out, but the messenger usually is killed. Unfortunatley for most of us, we have to come to realizations about our challenges all by ourselves. e.g. this man is in her life as her own reflection of how she sees herself in the mirror. When she sees herself more kindly, the kind man will be along shortly to reflect it. In most cases, myself included is that people won't change until the pain of remaining where they are is greater than the pain of change. Unfortunately there may be preference for larger women but the media and society at large villifies us. It has been shown through social eperiments over and over again that larger women are not treated with the same respect as a customer, as a potential employee, as a mate, the list goes on. Then to top it off, it was in the late 90s that I saw what big pharma was doing in their carefully crafted campaign to sell more drugs. They began ghost writing in medical journals, lobbying bureaucrats and health officials etc that being overweight was basically the cause of all disease and rising medical costs. It wasn't until the early to mid 2000s that it was brought to everyone's attention in the public - as false as it is. So if there is that type of "hate" surrounding being overweight, then people will shy away from the association.

+++weird how LF places my coments under your original comment instead of under your additional comment - sorry about that.

@ Teddy: thanks. @ Tori: thanks for the comment. It was a video on youtube you can type in the same name that the discussion iS about.I just do not understand if you have a preference for a certain body type why not let it be known. Someone of the men I encounter doing this are in a relationship with slim to mediumn sized women. However, they want to sleep with big women. I see people are viewing the blog. If you would like to share please do so. Yes, a woman would have to have low self-esteem to accept that from anyone. You have to always love yourself enough to know that you are worthy of being loved "foreal". I guess in life you live and learn. When someone gets sicik of "making" themselves be the victim. They will accept all or nothing at all. Thanks so very much Tori. How do you sugguest telling someone in this situation it is toxic?

@ Teddy: thanks. @ Tori: thanks for the comment. It was a video on youtube you can type in the same name that the discussion iS about.I just do not understand if you have a preference for a certain body type why not let it be known. Someone of the men I encounter doing this are in a relationship with slim to mediumn sized women. However, they want to sleep with big women. I see people are viewing the blog. If you would like to share please do so. Yes, a woman would have to have low self-esteem to accept that from anyone. You have to always love yourself enough to know that you are worthy of being loved "foreal". I guess in life you live and learn. When someone gets sicik of "making" themselves be the victim. They will accept all or nothing at all. Thanks so very much Tori. How do you sugguest telling someone in this situation it is toxic?

I think it is terribly sad. Was it a documentary or a movie? If it was a documentary and a real-life situation that woman should drop the guy like a hot potato and move on to someone who can see her for her. We aren't the sum of our body parts. If the guy is Shallow Hal - then dump him. On her side, she needs to build more self-respect as we all do.

There are women that are exceptions to the rule, but in most cases someone who is severely overweight have a hidden self-loathing, lack of love and lack of self-love issues that can come from so many different places, but it is there. A woman that perpetuates the behavior of a man like this is falsely reinforcing to herself she is less of a person thereby being a willing participant in this "arrangement." She is no victim, but she can potentially take on a victim mentality because of it and therefore she doesn't have to be responsible.

A man like this has his own issues, but I'd say of the two of them, her issues are much bigger and much more the focal point.

My humble opinion of course. Good topic holla

I think it is terribly sad. Was it a documentary or a movie? If it was a documentary and a real-life situation that woman should drop the guy like a hot potato and move on to someone who can see her for her. We aren't the sum of our body parts. If the guy is Shallow Hal - then dump him. On her side, she needs to build more self-respect as we all do.

There are women that are exceptions to the rule, but in most cases someone who is severely overweight have a hidden self-loathing, lack of love and lack of self-love issues that can come from so many different places, but it is there. A woman that perpetuates the behavior of a man like this is falsely reinforcing to herself she is less of a person thereby being a willing participant in this "arrangement." She is no victim, but she can potentially take on a victim mentality because of it and therefore she doesn't have to be responsible.

A man like this has his own issues, but I'd say of the two of them, her issues are much bigger and much more the focal point.