Celebrity etiquette

Celebrities love being thin and they love being buff. We all have to have goals in life, so good luck to them, we say, but can someone please let the A-listers know that being super-thin and super-muscly at the same time makes them look really, really weird? We know that Madonna's strict diet and fitness regime involving pilates and scrummy macrobiotic wholegrains must mean she's in the peak of health but the truth is it means she looks kind of, well, knobbly. Sarah-Jessica Parker and Renee Zellweger are both rocking the same taut but toned physique and it makes us feel that we want to send them care packages - jumpers, cushions, big cakes - because it looks so damned uncomfortable. Geri Halliwell changes shape more often than Barbapapa, but the six-packed, slimmed-down incarnation she flaunted in the video for comeback single 'Headlines' is far less appealing than the cheerfully rounded Ginger that first won her an international fanbase.

The great thing about writing about muscles means we get to print a gratuitous picture of actor Matthew McConaughey sans T-shirt. But really, can't more celebrities follow his lead? He looks like he's enjoyed creating his uber-buff physique. And the results looks neither contrived nor uncomfortable.

Celebs, we'll admire you for being muscly and we'll admire you for keeping slim, but both at once is just too much to take.