Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Bronte

Chapter 16

I both wished and feared to see Mr. Rochester on the day which followed this sleepless night: I
wanted to hear his voice again, yet feared to meet his eye. During the early part of the morning, I momentarily
expected his coming; he was not in the frequent habit of entering the schoolroom, but he did step in for a few minutes
sometimes, and I had the impression that he was sure to visit it that day.

But the morning passed just as usual: nothing happened to interrupt the quiet course of Adele’s studies; only soon
after breakfast, I heard some bustle in the neighbourhood of Mr. Rochester’s chamber, Mrs. Fairfax’s voice, and Leah‘s,
and the cook’s — that is, John’s wife — and even John’s own gruff tones. There were exclamations of “What a mercy
master was not burnt in his bed!” “It is always dangerous to keep a candle lit at night.” “How providential that he had
presence of mind to think of the water-jug!” “I wonder he waked nobody!” “It is to be hoped he will not take cold with
sleeping on the library sofa,” &c.

To much confabulation succeeded a sound of scrubbing and setting to rights; and when I passed the room, in going
downstairs to dinner, I saw through the open door that all was again restored to complete order; only the bed was
stripped of its hangings. Leah stood up in the window-seat, rubbing the panes of glass dimmed with smoke. I was about
to address her, for I wished to know what account had been given of the affair: but, on advancing, I saw a second
person in the chamber — a woman sitting on a chair by the bedside, and sewing rings to new curtains. That woman was no
other than Grace Poole.

There she sat, staid and taciturn-looking, as usual, in her brown stuff gown, her check apron, white handkerchief,
and cap. She was intent on her work, in which her whole thoughts seemed absorbed: on her hard forehead, and in her
commonplace features, was nothing either of the paleness or desperation one would have expected to see marking the
countenance of a woman who had attempted murder, and whose intended victim had followed her last night to her lair, and
(as I believed), charged her with the crime she wished to perpetrate. I was amazed — confounded. She looked up, while I
still gazed at her: no start, no increase or failure of colour betrayed emotion, consciousness of guilt, or fear of
detection. She said “Good morning, Miss,” in her usual phlegmatic and brief manner; and taking up another ring and more
tape, went on with her sewing.

“I will put her to some test,” thought I: “such absolute impenetrability is past comprehension.”

“Good morning, Grace,” I said. “Has anything happened here? I thought I heard the servants all talking together a
while ago.”

“Only master had been reading in his bed last night; he fell asleep with his candle lit, and the curtains got on
fire; but, fortunately, he awoke before the bed-clothes or the wood-work caught, and contrived to quench the flames
with the water in the ewer.”

“A strange affair!” I said, in a low voice: then, looking at her fixedly — “Did Mr. Rochester wake nobody? Did no
one hear him move?”

She again raised her eyes to me, and this time there was something of consciousness in their expression. She seemed
to examine me warily; then she answered —

“The servants sleep so far off, you know, Miss, they would not be likely to hear. Mrs. Fairfax’s room and yours are
the nearest to master’s; but Mrs. Fairfax said she heard nothing: when people get elderly, they often sleep heavy.” She
paused, and then added, with a sort of assumed indifference, but still in a marked and significant tone — “But you are
young, Miss; and I should say a light sleeper: perhaps you may have heard a noise?”

“I did,” said I, dropping my voice, so that Leah, who was still polishing the panes, could not hear me, “and at
first I thought it was Pilot: but Pilot cannot laugh; and I am certain I heard a laugh, and a strange one.”

She took a new needleful of thread, waxed it carefully, threaded her needle with a steady hand, and then observed,
with perfect composure —

“It is hardly likely master would laugh, I should think, Miss, when he was in such danger: You must have been
dreaming.”

“I was not dreaming,” I said, with some warmth, for her brazen coolness provoked me. Again she looked at me; and
with the same scrutinising and conscious eye.

“Have you told master that you heard a laugh?” she inquired.

“I have not had the opportunity of speaking to him this morning.”

“You did not think of opening your door and looking out into the gallery?” she further asked.

She appeared to be cross-questioning me, attempting to draw from me information unawares. The idea struck me that if
she discovered I knew or suspected her guilt, she would be playing of some of her malignant pranks on me; I thought it
advisable to be on my guard.

“On the contrary,” said I, “I bolted my door.”

“Then you are not in the habit of bolting your door every night before you get into bed?”

“Fiend! she wants to know my habits, that she may lay her plans accordingly!” Indignation again prevailed over
prudence: I replied sharply, “Hitherto I have often omitted to fasten the bolt: I did not think it necessary. I was not
aware any danger or annoyance was to be dreaded at Thornfield Hall: but in future” (and I laid marked stress on the
words) “I shall take good care to make all secure before I venture to lie down.”

“It will be wise so to do,” was her answer: “this neighbourhood is as quiet as any I know, and I never heard of the
hall being attempted by robbers since it was a house; though there are hundreds of pounds’ worth of plate in the
plate-closet, as is well known. And you see, for such a large house, there are very few servants, because master has
never lived here much; and when he does come, being a bachelor, he needs little waiting on: but I always think it best
to err on the safe side; a door is soon fastened, and it is as well to have a drawn bolt between one and any mischief
that may be about. A deal of people, Miss, are for trusting all to Providence; but I say Providence will not dispense
with the means, though He often blesses them when they are used discreetly.” And here she closed her harangue: a long
one for her, and uttered with the demureness of a Quakeress.

I still stood absolutely dumfoundered at what appeared to me her miraculous self-possession and most inscrutable
hypocrisy, when the cook entered.

“No; just put my pint of porter and bit of pudding on a tray, and I’ll carry it upstairs.”

“You’ll have some meat?”

“Just a morsel, and a taste of cheese, that’s all.”

“And the sago?”

“Never mind it at present: I shall be coming down before teatime: I’ll make it myself.”

The cook here turned to me, saying that Mrs. Fairfax was waiting for me: so I departed.

I hardly heard Mrs. Fairfax’s account of the curtain conflagration during dinner, so much was I occupied in puzzling
my brains over the enigmatical character of Grace Poole, and still more in pondering the problem of her position at
Thornfield and questioning why she had not been given into custody that morning, or, at the very least, dismissed from
her master’s service. He had almost as much as declared his conviction of her criminality last night: what mysterious
cause withheld him from accusing her? Why had he enjoined me, too, to secrecy? It was strange: a bold, vindictive, and
haughty gentleman seemed somehow in the power of one of the meanest of his dependants; so much in her power, that even
when she lifted her hand against his life, he dared not openly charge her with the attempt, much less punish her for
it.

Had Grace been young and handsome, I should have been tempted to think that tenderer feelings than prudence or fear
influenced Mr. Rochester in her behalf; but, hard-favoured and matronly as she was, the idea could not be admitted.
“Yet,” I reflected, “she has been young once; her youth would be contemporary with her master’s: Mrs. Fairfax told me
once, she had lived here many years. I don’t think she can ever have been pretty; but, for aught I know, she may
possess originality and strength of character to compensate for the want of personal advantages. Mr. Rochester is an
amateur of the decided and eccentric: Grace is eccentric at least. What if a former caprice (a freak very possible to a
nature so sudden and headstrong as his) has delivered him into her power, and she now exercises over his actions a
secret influence, the result of his own indiscretion, which he cannot shake off, and dare not disregard?” But, having
reached this point of conjecture, Mrs. Poole’s square, flat figure, and uncomely, dry, even coarse face, recurred so
distinctly to my mind’s eye, that I thought, “No; impossible! my supposition cannot be correct. Yet,” suggested the
secret voice which talks to us in our own hearts, “you are not beautiful either, and perhaps Mr. Rochester approves
you: at any rate, you have often felt as if he did; and last night — remember his words; remember his look; remember
his voice!”

I well remembered all; language, glance, and tone seemed at the moment vividly renewed. I was now in the schoolroom;
Adele was drawing; I bent over her and directed her pencil. She looked up with a sort of start.

“I am hot, Adele, with stooping!” She went on sketching; I went on thinking.

I hastened to drive from my mind the hateful notion I had been conceiving respecting Grace Poole; it disgusted me. I
compared myself with her, and found we were different. Bessie Leaven had said I was quite a lady; and she spoke truth —
I was a lady. And now I looked much better than I did when Bessie saw me; I had more colour and more flesh, more life,
more vivacity, because I had brighter hopes and keener enjoyments.

“Evening approaches,” said I, as I looked towards the window. “I have never heard Mr. Rochester’s voice or step in
the house to-day; but surely I shall see him before night: I feared the meeting in the morning; now I desire it,
because expectation has been so long baffled that it is grown impatient.”

When dusk actually closed, and when Adele left me to go and play in the nursery with Sophie, I did most keenly
desire it. I listened for the bell to ring below; I listened for Leah coming up with a message; I fancied sometimes I
heard Mr. Rochester’s own tread, and I turned to the door, expecting it to open and admit him. The door remained shut;
darkness only came in through the window. Still it was not late; he often sent for me at seven and eight o’clock, and
it was yet but six. Surely I should not be wholly disappointed to-night, when I had so many things to say to him! I
wanted again to introduce the subject of Grace Poole, and to hear what he would answer; I wanted to ask him plainly if
he really believed it was she who had made last night’s hideous attempt; and if so, why he kept her wickedness a
secret. It little mattered whether my curiosity irritated him; I knew the pleasure of vexing and soothing him by turns;
it was one I chiefly delighted in, and a sure instinct always prevented me from going too far; beyond the verge of
provocation I never ventured; on the extreme brink I liked well to try my skill. Retaining every minute form of
respect, every propriety of my station, I could still meet him in argument without fear or uneasy restraint; this
suited both him and me.

A tread creaked on the stairs at last. Leah made her appearance; but it was only to intimate that tea was ready in
Mrs. Fairfax’s room. Thither I repaired, glad at least to go downstairs; for that brought me, I imagined, nearer to Mr.
Rochester’s presence.

“You must want your tea,” said the good lady, as I joined her; “you ate so little at dinner. I am afraid,” she
continued, “you are not well to-day: you look flushed and feverish.”

“Oh, quite well! I never felt better.”

“Then you must prove it by evincing a good appetite; will you fill the teapot while I knit off this needle?” Having
completed her task, she rose to draw down the blind, which she had hitherto kept up, by way, I suppose, of making the
most of daylight, though dusk was now fast deepening into total obscurity.

“It is fair to-night,” said she, as she looked through the panes, “though not starlight; Mr. Rochester has, on the
whole, had a favourable day for his journey.”

“Journey! — Is Mr. Rochester gone anywhere? I did not know he was out.”

“Oh, he set off the moment he had breakfasted! He is gone to the Leas, Mr. Eshton’s place, ten miles on the other
side Millcote. I believe there is quite a party assembled there; Lord Ingram, Sir George Lynn, Colonel Dent, and
others.”

“Do you expect him back to-night?”

“No — nor to-morrow either; I should think he is very likely to stay a week or more: when these fine, fashionable
people get together, they are so surrounded by elegance and gaiety, so well provided with all that can please and
entertain, they are in no hurry to separate. Gentlemen especially are often in request on such occasions; and Mr.
Rochester is so talented and so lively in society, that I believe he is a general favourite: the ladies are very fond
of him; though you would not think his appearance calculated to recommend him particularly in their eyes: but I suppose
his acquirements and abilities, perhaps his wealth and good blood, make amends for any little fault of look.”

“Are there ladies at the Leas?”

“There are Mrs. Eshton and her three daughters — very elegant young ladies indeed; and there are the Honourable
Blanche and Mary Ingram, most beautiful women, I suppose: indeed I have seen Blanche, six or seven years since, when
she was a girl of eighteen. She came here to a Christmas ball and party Mr. Rochester gave. You should have seen the
dining-room that day — how richly it was decorated, how brilliantly lit up! I should think there were fifty ladies and
gentlemen present — all of the first county families; and Miss Ingram was considered the belle of the evening.”

“You saw her, you say, Mrs. Fairfax: what was she like?”

“Yes, I saw her. The dining-room doors were thrown open; and, as it was Christmas-time, the servants were allowed to
assemble in the hall, to hear some of the ladies sing and play. Mr. Rochester would have me to come in, and I sat down
in a quiet corner and watched them. I never saw a more splendid scene: the ladies were magnificently dressed; most of
them — at least most of the younger ones — looked handsome; but Miss Ingram was certainly the queen.”

“And what was she like?”

“Tall, fine bust, sloping shoulders; long, graceful neck: olive complexion, dark and clear; noble features; eyes
rather like Mr. Rochester’s: large and black, and as brilliant as her jewels. And then she had such a fine head of
hair; raven-black and so becomingly arranged: a crown of thick plaits behind, and in front the longest, the glossiest
curls I ever saw. She was dressed in pure white; an amber-coloured scarf was passed over her shoulder and across her
breast, tied at the side, and descending in long, fringed ends below her knee. She wore an amber-coloured flower, too,
in her hair: it contrasted well with the jetty mass of her curls.”

“She was greatly admired, of course?”

“Yes, indeed: and not only for her beauty, but for her accomplishments. She was one of the ladies who sang: a
gentleman accompanied her on the piano. She and Mr. Rochester sang a duet.”

“Mr. Rochester? I was not aware he could sing.”

“Oh! he has a fine bass voice, and an excellent taste for music.”

“And Miss Ingram: what sort of a voice had she?”

“A very rich and powerful one: she sang delightfully; it was a treat to listen to her; — and she played afterwards.
I am no judge of music, but Mr. Rochester is; and I heard him say her execution was remarkably good.”

“And this beautiful and accomplished lady, she is not yet married?”

“It appears not: I fancy neither she nor her sister have very large fortunes. Old Lord Ingram’s estates were chiefly
entailed, and the eldest son came in for everything almost.”

“But I wonder no wealthy nobleman or gentleman has taken a fancy to her: Mr. Rochester, for instance. He is rich, is
he not?”

“Oh! yes. But you see there is a considerable difference in age: Mr. Rochester is nearly forty; she is but
twenty-five.”

“What of that? More unequal matches are made every day.”

“True: yet I should scarcely fancy Mr. Rochester would entertain an idea of the sort. But you eat nothing: you have
scarcely tasted since you began tea.”

“No: I am too thirsty to eat. Will you let me have another cup?”

I was about again to revert to the probability of a union between Mr. Rochester and the beautiful Blanche; but Adele
came in, and the conversation was turned into another channel.

When once more alone, I reviewed the information I had got; looked into my heart, examined its thoughts and
feelings, and endeavoured to bring back with a strict hand such as had been straying through imagination’s boundless
and trackless waste, into the safe fold of common sense.

Arraigned at my own bar, Memory having given her evidence of the hopes, wishes, sentiments I had been cherishing
since last night — of the general state of mind in which I had indulged for nearly a fortnight past; Reason having come
forward and told, in her own quiet way a plain, unvarnished tale, showing how I had rejected the real, and rabidly
devoured the ideal; — I pronounced judgment to this effect:-

That a greater fool than Jane Eyre had never breathed the breath of life; that a more fantastic idiot had never
surfeited herself on sweet lies, and swallowed poison as if it were nectar.

“You,” I said, “a favourite with Mr. Rochester? You gifted with the power of pleasing him?
You of importance to him in any way? Go! your folly sickens me. And you have derived pleasure from occasional
tokens of preference — equivocal tokens shown by a gentleman of family and a man of the world to a dependent and a
novice. How dared you? Poor stupid dupe! — Could not even self-interest make you wiser? You repeated to yourself this
morning the brief scene of last night? — Cover your face and be ashamed! He said something in praise of your eyes, did
he? Blind puppy! Open their bleared lids and look on your own accursed senselessness! It does good to no woman to be
flattered by her superior, who cannot possibly intend to marry her; and it is madness in all women to let a secret love
kindle within them, which, if unreturned and unknown, must devour the life that feeds it; and, if discovered and
responded to, must lead, ignis-fatus-like, into miry wilds whence there is no extrication.

“Listen, then, Jane Eyre, to your sentence: tomorrow, place the glass before you, and draw in chalk your own
picture, faithfully, without softening one defect; omit no harsh line, smooth away no displeasing irregularity; write
under it, ‘Portrait of a Governess, disconnected, poor, and plain.’

“Afterwards, take a piece of smooth ivory — you have one prepared in your drawing-box: take your palette, mix your
freshest, finest, clearest tints; choose your most delicate camel-hair pencils; delineate carefully the loveliest face
you can imagine; paint it in your softest shades and sweetest lines, according to the description given by Mrs. Fairfax
of Blanche Ingram; remember the raven ringlets, the oriental eye; — What! you revert to Mr. Rochester as a model!
Order! No snivel! — no sentiment! — no regret! I will endure only sense and resolution. Recall the august yet
harmonious lineaments, the Grecian neck and bust; let the round and dazzling arm be visible, and the delicate hand;
omit neither diamond ring nor gold bracelet; portray faithfully the attire, aerial lace and glistening satin, graceful
scarf and golden rose; call it ‘Blanche, an accomplished lady of rank.’

“Whenever, in future, you should chance to fancy Mr. Rochester thinks well of you, take out these two pictures and
compare them: say, ‘Mr. Rochester might probably win that noble lady’s love, if he chose to strive for it; is it likely
he would waste a serious thought on this indigent and insignificant plebeian?’”

“I’ll do it,” I resolved: and having framed this determination, I grew calm, and fell asleep.

I kept my word. An hour or two sufficed to sketch my own portrait in crayons; and in less than a fortnight I had
completed an ivory miniature of an imaginary Blanche Ingram. It looked a lovely face enough, and when compared with the
real head in chalk, the contrast was as great as self-control could desire. I derived benefit from the task: it had
kept my head and hands employed, and had given force and fixedness to the new impressions I wished to stamp indelibly
on my heart.

Ere long, I had reason to congratulate myself on the course of wholesome discipline to which I had thus forced my
feelings to submit. Thanks to it, I was able to meet subsequent occurrences with a decent calm, which, had they found
me unprepared, I should probably have been unequal to maintain, even externally.