depression comix #146

Having a disability will often induce depression. I had a friend who had Tourette’s syndrome. She was an intelligent and beautiful person, but had a very difficult vocal tic. But she also suffered from depression which was understandable because that vocal tic stopped her from having any kind of normal life. And the horrible things that happened to her … her sister did not invite her to her wedding because she was afraid that the vocal tic would disturb it, so she watched it on video instead. She was made to go to a special school because it was afraid her vocal tic would disturb the other students. She hated her life and often wished it would end. One time she tried to take her own life, but was intercepted.

In the end she survived. She’s now married and starting her own family, a family that she is not afraid to be who she is.

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Oh yeah, been there, done that and hated the t-shirt. I have a couple of physical disabilities. They helped cause a lifetime of self-loathing precisely because I wasn't able to be 'normal' right from the get-go. Not only does a severe hearing loss and mild CP cause social isolation, but the extra-special bonus depression that was tacked on around age 16 after I truly realized how fucked I was is just the icing on the cake. Youthful optimism and eagerness will only carry one so far. Having a high IQ has done absolutely NOTHING for me other than making it easier to figure out ways to cope and anticipate situations. That's why I often get accused of 'hearing what I want to hear'. I'd instantly trade IQ points for ability if I was able to. So...now I'm turning 49 alone with very few friends and a fear of social situations. I often wonder what I have to look forward to other than further isolation, loneliness and the further recession of my hairline.