Archive for September, 2014

After my latest article, a person whom I considered to be a good friend did exactly what I asked anyone that disagreed with my article to do; he reached out. He spoke honestly and candidly and for that, he stayed as true to the character that I always expected from him. However, a small fractal of light blinded me as I read his assertion about my character as he postulated about his own.

Friendship is such an ethereal concept. We have friends and then we have true friends. The concept of a true friend is really based on the individual. What are you willing to accept and what are you not willing to accept? Is an acquaintance a friend? Is a coworker a friend or just someone who by design you are around a great deal more than most and make the best of that situation? Does a friend have to take every phone call you make, respond immediately to every text or email you send?

A friend, in my estimation, is someone you can lean on when you need support of any kind. A friend may give you a hard time about a decision, but they do so out of true concern for you. If you lean too long, they can kick your legs out from under you and say, “it’s time to stand on your own two feet.”

A friend does not always agree with you. They should have the kind of relationship based on trust and admiration that is open to scrutiny and can say the hard thing to you even if it hurts both involved parties. Being a friend means hurting when your friend hurts.

However, friends can sometimes say things out of anger or disappointment. They can use your past to vilify, scold, dismantle or condemn. When an individual feels compelled to use what they have done for you to indemnify you, then they are acting purely out of anger or your assessment of that person is actually much different from what you suspected.

When I went through a bitter divorce, fell into a life draining depression and attempted suicide, my friends, even the truest of my friends, disappeared. They did not do it out of spite, they did it out of fear. I understood and I still understand. Those I worked with that were essentially “work” friends, knew about my situation and while I respected a great many of them, it turns out that being there for me comes with a price.

I spoke out about something that is unequivocally the truth. However, my words, according to this person threatened the livelihoods of many people who, according to him, supported my academic and comedic aspirations. I have a commitment to these individuals because, as he made abundantly clear, “were there for me during my divorce and my suicide attempt.”

Yeah, true friend indeed.

I don’t remember his face, standing over me screaming the way I remember my Mom doing just that. When I was hospitalized, I don’t remember a phone call or a visit. I do remember my chops busted for being the loose cannon and crazy. A true friend, for the record, can hold onto memories but never feels compelled to hurt a person through an experience that is as raw today as it was the day I tried to end my life.

Friends forgive and I forgive him. I am sure he does not think there’s anything to forgive, but for someone who cared so much for me, his response was in reaction to how much he cares for himself. Self preservation; the essence of survival.

Friendship is, after all, an ethereal concept. We want it to be rich and fruitful, a metaphorical tree from which we can sustain. We envision it as something so deeply rooted in the ground that no matter the force of the storm, it will stand long after the winds have dissipated. Friendship is the bedrock for our existence, an immovable force that provides the support for all things that we do and become in our lives.

I would accept the argument that I acted selfishly, but the person reporting on who I am uses a veiled argument that is righteous for one group, and ignorant towards another.

After my first two weeks as a freshman English teacher (I was brand new to teaching and my students were brand new to high school), I witnessed a disturbing trend by my students. Homework, tests, quizzes and projects, as it turned out, were gay. Any time my students wanted to share their complete disdain for any type of work, they would immediately proclaim or mumble, “this is gay.”

I took offense to the statement and not because I had a special place in my heart for gay rights. I have a special place in my heart for the rights of people and when young kids on the precipice of adulthood used gay as the term to describe something displeasing or unfavorable, the visceral reaction I had to students surprised me. “Find another way of saying you don’t like something, people! If you want to be viewed as adults, it is time to start acting like educated adults.”

After a few weeks of working on the abolition of “that’s gay” in my classroom, the turning point came once I put it into perspective. I only had a few black students but in one particular class, I used race to put “that’s gay” into perspective. I remember asking my students, “would you say, “that’s black,” if you didn’t like something?” Immediately the lone black student in my class turned his head quickly and violently around the room to see if anyone would agree to that particular usage. All of the students avoided eye contact and either looked down at their desks or as if they had never heard the question.

Thankfully or coincidentally, the quick lesson worked and when students would use the term in class, they would often correct themselves and even ask for a pardon from the universe as they would say, “sorry, I meant to say…”

Ignorant speech and views starts when we are all pretty ignorant to the world around us. Kids, especially, are rooting through this world trying to understand how life works and where and how they fit in. Hell, a great many adults are still searching for themselves; I know I am. All of this is anecdotal and germane to one incredible experience that came to full fruition this past Saturday.

A friend of mine a few months back came to me, after finding out that I was ordained and could perform wedding ceremonies, and asked if I would officiate her wedding. Her fiancee is a wonderful person too. Together, they exude the kind of love and passion for each other that so many people pine for in their lives. The way they look at each other and how in a crowded room, you can see them searching for each other in order to just share a smile. They are sentimental, emotional, dedicated people that love each other in a profoundly inspiring way. Oh, right, I almost forgot, they’re gay.

Regretfully, when I was twelve years old, my friends and I would prank call a gay bar where I lived. We would ask, “Is Phil there? Phil MyButtUp!” Things that, even though I was only twelve, still bother me that I ever existed in a place where that seemed comical. Luckily, I had the kind of relationship with my Mom where I would tell her about all of the things I did: good, bad, sensitive, insensitive, and even outright ignorant.

In one of her many sage like moments, my Mom turned to me and asked, “would you want to be something where people would be ignorant towards you? Would you choose to be something where others would make fun of you, act differently towards you, or discriminate you?” She looked at me and immediately I understood her point. “No, I wouldn’t,” I replied. “Then think about what you think is funny and then really think if it is funny or you’re trying to be funny at someone else’s expense.” Damn, I thought. Moms always have a way of putting things into perspective.

This past Saturday I had the opportunity to act as the officiant in my first wedding ever. I did not lament over what I was going to say, though I did fret over the words because I wanted my friends, Sarah and Katie, to have a ceremony that they would never forget. Standing before her friends and family, I felt that lump begin to swell in my throat. I was far from nervous; I was moved.

When Katie and Sarah finally made their way to where I was standing, I could see their eyes filled with palpable passion, love, and of course, tears. They could finally do the one thing that this country, a country that prides itself on individual freedoms and liberties, fought so long and hard to keep from happening. Passion beat policy and over a hundred people bore witness to the power of love and resilience. As a heterosexual male, I do not and cannot imagine what it would be like to be told I could not love someone because others had an issue with whom I directed my affection and adoration.

We all play a part in how effective love and kindness can be in this world. Ultimately, there’s a lesson to be learned in how we treat those that do not follow the scripts that we follow in life. Homophobia is not bred through one particular sect of thought. Its genesis is in ignorance begetting ignorance. It manifests when the company a person keeps continues to drive home a point of intolerance and the inability to differentiate between their life and someone else’s life. When people decide that love provides not only a safe place for individuals to lay their hearts but a place where people can simply be themselves, we take steps in battling the provincial thoughts of those that appear to need more love in their life.

I will never change anyone’s views by saying what I believe. I will change minds by living out my views. Sarah and Katie asked me to be part of a moment that, as I said to those in attendance, could not be justified by any words that I spoke that day. We needed only look at Sarah and Katie together and to witness the truth in what we believe. While I often wish the world would stop long enough to admire each moment as unique and authentic, it may play a little part in what made Saturday so magical. Outside of the Autumn oasis that Sarah and Katie created for their family and friends, was a world waiting to remind us of the long road so many people must travel.

However, tucked away in the Germantown section of Philadelphia are fifty five acres of endless memories. We need only return there in our thoughts to have all of our senses brought back to life and to remind us of what perfect looks and feels like. I will never forget my two friends; surrounded by bales of hay, loving family and friends, and an infinite supply of hope and victory to fuel us for a lifetime. I may never change someone’s mind by what I’ve said or written, but if I lead through my experiences in life, September 20th, 2014 marks the day when I witnessed hope evolve into reality!

We’ve all heard the term “comfort food.” It’s that one meal or snack that while we eat it, we say, “I don’t care about carbs, fat, calories, or anything else.” That is, unless carrots are your comfort food and I am not quite sure whether I want to make your acquaintance. That does not necessarily mean that the food has to be “bad” for you, it is simply the food that makes you feel better. This is where Gabriel’s II in Washington Crossing, PA comes in. However, it’s not just the food that provides comfort, it is the restaurant as a whole.

Understand that I’m a nostalgic kind of guy. My buddies give me a hard time because I admit to crying during certain romantic comedies, have dabbled in some poetry here and there and the truth is, I’m somewhat of a softie. However, being somewhat of a softie is what allowed me to connect with my students and what allows me to be a committed Dad to my daughters. In my grand respect for nostalgia, Gabriel’s harkens back to my days of growing up in Bridgeport, PA and the fond memories I had of visiting a very similar pizza place called Franzone’s.

First, the shop is intimate. Hosting only a few stools and a counter for patrons to eat a slice or enjoy a sandwich, Gabriel’s gives off a very, “I feel like I’ve been here before” type of vibe. That is just the physical layout that gives me that feeling. Like any great corporation, sports team, body shop, garage, cleaners or coffee house, the staff is what gives any group its character. The owner, Gabriel (Chris) Mascio, is to Gabriel’s what Ted Danson was to the character Sam Malone in Cheers. It is his place, he clearly runs it, but he’s far from typical.

“Hello, my dear,” Chris will say smiling as a silver haired patron glides in. “Yo, Boss, how ya’ been” is the greeting for the oily mechanic that only moments ago slid out from under a car he was working on so he could grab a slice of two. The difference between a salutation and a warm greeting is the smile a person has on their face when they say it. Like his restaurant and food, Mascio is truly authentic.

The guys that work for Gabriel’s are a cast of characters in their own right. They feed off the boss’ positivity, greet customers like their family, and even when it gets busy in the shop, people are still laughing and still smiling. The family owned pizza shop still exists and never does a customer have to settle.

You know exactly what I mean.

You go into a place and the food is, “ehhhhhh” but everyone that works there is great. Or, the food is fantastic but the service leaves a great deal to be desired. It seems to be the American way; settle for what we give you because we just don’t care. However, that’s why Gabriel’s is in a class of its own.

Leaning over an employee making a pizza, Mascio watches and says, “not enough cheese, babe.” Not ENOUGH cheese? In an age where cutting corners and costs are the norm, Chris’ sentiment echoes louder than he could ever understand. It turns out that there are still places that care about quality.

Are you asking yourself, “what about the food?” I could rattle off a dozen adjectives to describe the unrelenting options but each palate is different. The beautiful part of Gabriel’s is you may walk in with a hankering for a cheese steak and walk out with twenty wings and a slice to go. I just want something small becomes ordering a full meal. If you’re Italian, it’s the kind of place you’d have to do a great deal of lying about to your Mom or your Grandmother. “Oh, Gabriel’s, no worries, Nona, the eggplant lasagna is definitely not as good as yours.” Meanwhile, you just lied to your poor, old Mom or Nona.

Whether you remember Cheers or not is irrelevant. If you like the idea of ordering fantastic food at a place that not only wants your business but truly values it, Gabriel’s II is a wonderfully unique restaurant that caters to the individual, not the masses. Business may ultimately be about making money, but Mascio and his staff understand that it’s about making meals that people love!

“Holy S#!%, we WON,” I screamed while running around my apartment, nearly knocking over a lamp and coming dangerously close to crushing a bookcase.

That was the scene in my house this past Monday night when the Philadelphia Eagles beat the Indianapolis Colts. My excitement and love for my football team knows no bounds and Monday night provided another example of the lunacy that many Philadelphia Eagles fans experience on any given Sunday, Monday, or Thursday night. Though some may call it cliched, football is my escape and has been for many years.

Just about a month ago, I lost my job as an Academic Coordinator due to budget cuts. Like a recycled Hollywood movie plot, the scenario of losing a job and feeling petrified over making ends meet is a story that many people experience. While I wish I could string together some flowery prose or develop a poignant metaphor to capture my feelings, the best way to sum it up is to come right out and say, “It Sucks!”

Each morning I take to the computer and scour the classified websites, hoping that I will find a job that I love and will love me back. Resume after resume, custom cover letter after custom cover letter, I continue to push forward. I have to; failure is not an option because I have a family that depends on me and I refuse to fail. I will, no matter what, do whatever it takes to take care of my family. I cannot quit because my family depends on me.

That’s when it happened. Literally moments before the second half kickoff, there I was saying, “I don’t know if I can handle this,” I had one of those epiphanies that I know will stay with me for a long time to come.

I’m not just a Philadelphia Eagles fan, I am the Philadelphia Eagles. I am in my own proverbial halftime and yes, I am without a doubt, down. The score does not look pretty and while others may think I do not have a chance in hell of coming back, I still have another half of football to play. I have to be my own Chip Kelly and adjust during the half. I cannot be deterred because a play I drew up did not get me the results I wanted. After all, I still have another half of my life to play.

That is precisely what bleeding green means. It is the complete and total embodiment of throwing yourself into something that you live for each week. We all know the labels associated with being a Philadelphia Eagles fan. If the description of who we are as a fan base was left to outsiders, the painted picture would be eerily similar to the Germanic tribes fighting the Romans in the opening scene of “Gladiator.”

We may beat our chests and scream until we are hoarse, boo players that do not play to their fullest potential, and we are guilty of grandiloquent speech and theory, but damn it, we bleed green. Our wounds are deep but the devotion to our team runs deeper. We are football maniacs in the moment and football scholars-in-training after the game. We clamber to our televisions and radios in order to hear the profound words of Ray Didinger, the Socrates of Philadelphia Football. The presets on our car radios are set for sports talk radio. The jerseys of players in our closets run like a timeline found in history books. The stories we tell our children about that one game, that one play or that one season is a bond that should not, will not and cannot be taken lightly.

I bleed green because the Philadelphia Eagles are my family. While I certainly did not cry the same way I did when my Dad passed away, I felt equally as empty and directionless when Brian Dawkins left the Eagles and signed with the Denver Broncos. I’ve given family second chances after they’ve done truly terrible things; reminiscent of accepting Michael Vick into our football family regardless of the strong opinions I had for him and his actions. Family, unless they choose to walk away, are your family for life.

Undeniable are the collective wounds we wear on the very sleeves we wear our hearts; however, the Philadelphia Eagles are the wellspring of this city’s passion. Passion is paramount to being a fan. Some may question how being a Philadelphia Eagles fan is different than being a fan of any other team. The answer is quite simple: ferocity. If we fall behind, we will fight to reclaim what is rightfully ours.

I learned through my love for the Philadelphia Eagles that although I may be down at the half, I still have another half to come back and claim my victory. Thank you, Philadelphia Eagles; not only have you given me something to cheer about, you’ve taught me that hope is a series of unrelenting pursuits driven by the idea that we can never give up.