Why am I still single?

I always loved the title of the book, If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single? Though I admit that I have never actually read the book, I think its title asks a question that every single person asks of his/herself at some point. Well, I will attempt to save you the $14.95 purchase price of the book by sharing my three reasons why you are still single. Yep, just one or more of these three reasons will explain it all…

Reason #1:Your standards are too high.
You think you deserve a certain type or standard of girl/guy, but that ‘type’ (at least in large numbers) is just not interested in you. You have met plenty of people who are very interested in you, but you are just notinterested in them back. There is a misalignment in expectations; hence you are a resident of single-ville.

What to do?Realistically evaluate your standards. If you have trouble doing this, ask a trusted friend for help. Ask yourself if lowering your standards in a few less critical areas would help you find more people who are interested in you. Looks are not everything… and does the girl really need to be shorter than the guy?

Reason #2:You are not putting in enough effort.
Your standards are fine. However, you are just sitting around waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right to come knocking on your door. You put more effort into finding the right job, the right clothes, or even the right restaurant for tonight’s dinner. When it comes to dating, you are just too passive.

What to do?
Increase your chances of meeting that someone special by making an extra effort. Go to that dinner party where you won’t know anyone. Say yes to any blind date that your friends want to set you up on. Volunteer. And if you are having trouble finding time getting out and meeting new people, then there is no excuse for not trying online dating!

Reason #3:You are wasting time dating the wrong people.
See if you fall into one of these two categories:
1) You were in a so-so long term relationship throughout you late twenties. When you finally had the strength, smarts or whatever to get out of that relationship, you found yourself thirty and single; or
2) You date off and on the same type of girl/guy for 3 month stints. Each time you determine that that person is not the one and you find yourself frustrated and single again and again…

What to do?
Invest more time into thinking about what types of people will make you happy! Physically write down the characteristics that you are looking for (and avoiding). If a relationship looks like it is going nowhere after five dates, end it! You can afford to make tons of mistakes in your early twenties, but as you get older, there is a real cost to staying in low potential relationships or not knowing what you are looking for. Lastly, I can recommend the book, Date…or Soul Mate? How To Know If Someone Is Worth Pursuing In Two Dates Or Less.

Post navigation

4 thoughts on “Why am I still single?”

Good post man! I’ve had friends debate the idea of being too picky & having too-high standards lots of times. Some agree with you, that being too picky is why their friends are still single. Some disagree, saying that if you just “settle” for someone, you’ll never really be fulfilled with them.

Me, I think that part of growing up is learning to compromise and be more tolerable about all kinds of things in life. It also means, as Ms. Windowshopper said, being smarter about what you really want, vs that idealized image of that impossible person who makes $1B a year, owns property in every major city, feeds starving children in China, runs a hospital in a low-income neighborhood, and saves kittens on the weekends.

Oh oops, I also meant to comment on reason #3. I think that reason is totally spot on. The only exception would be if you choose to have flings just for the fun of it.

I know, I know, that sounds sleazy and immature. And sure, maybe it is. But it doesn’t have to be if you’re honest about what you’re doing and your date still agrees to seeing you. Sometimes people just want a fling. Is it holding you back from finding The One? If you’re on a timeline, then sure. But if you’re not ready to find The One yet, then a fling can be a lot of fun.

This is a great post. The two high standards is a tough one. I don’t think it is about “lowering your standards” so much as it is about picking the deal breakers. For me a deal breaker is lack of passion around what he does. Height is nice to have, but once I made the list of dealbreakers and the guy passes that test, I height doesn’t matter! Focusing on what you can’t live without vs. what’s nice to have make a big differnce!