Week 11: According to Einstein, Iím INSANE

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

ďInsanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.Ē - Albert Einstein

WI was awful this morning but I kinda knew that was going to happen. I didnít gain everything back. I knew the scale last week was a fluke because I hadnít seen anything near that weight for the rest of the week. Then I had TOM sneak up on me a week early and mindless snacking crept back in. On a positive note, I have definitely experienced an ďA-HAĒ moment. I feel like I say that every week but this time I really have.

I realized that Iím ďinsaneĒ. I keep mindless snacking and not logging every bite, lick and taste and wonder why the scale isnít moving or moving in the wrong direction. I go to the gym and work my butt off and then undo a lot of my effort by snacking away and trying to rationalize it. Oh itís not that bad or its healthy nuts or raisins or whatever healthy or unhealthy snack it is. Every week, I made goals and promises to change and sometimes that change lasts for a few days or a few hours and then I allow the bad behavior to creep back. Sometimes I can talk myself of out it and other times I just give in because I feel sorry for myself. You know the Why Me syndrome. Why do I have to struggle with my weight? Why canít I just have one cookie and be satisfied and not want to eat the whole bag.

Well itís obvious to me that THIS is not working. No this time it is really clear and I have decided NOT to make any weeklong goal. You read that right no week long goal. Iím going to make daily goals and take the Spark people advice and STREAK. I have to take it one day, one hour or one meal at a time and really celebrate those successes. I have done it before and I can do it again. I just have to retrain my body and mind. This is the hard work and hard choices that I have talked about in my last few blogs but I guess I just wasnít ready to accept the facts yet. The facts that Iím moving into a new phase of my weight loss journey, the last few pounds and I need to make the hard adjustments. I canít rely on the past anymore. Meaning that the mindless snacking up until this point hasnít had a really bad impact on the scale since the scale was still going down. At this point, every single calorie counts. I need a true deficit and not a fake one because I didnít log everything.

Sometimes I feel like such a failure or such a fake. There are people or teammates who praise me or look up to me and I feel like if they really only knew they wonít say those things. I struggle just like everyone else. Iím running a marathon and Iím at mile marker 24 and only have 2.2 miles to go and Iíve hit the WALL. You know that place where you have to make that hard choice to either give up or keep going no matter what it takes even if that means that you reach the finish line bloody and bruised because you had to crawl the last mile. Well today Iím dropping to my knees and beginning to crawl to the finish line. I will get there and I may be bloody and bruised and it might take me a little longer but I AM GOING TO MAKE IT TO THE FINISH LINE!

Here is what FitnessRx for Women Magazine has as their facebook status this morning.
Morning! Just a little reminder...you may not have arrived at your goal or be exactly where you want to be, but you are getting closer each day...one thought, one choice, one meal, one step, one rep at a time. Keep up the great work!

You can do it. This weight management is hard work, You have to constantly evaluate what is working for you. Good luck on your day 1 and tracking. I have felt that same way, like you are letting people down when the going gets rough. Yet the best thing you can do is share your feelings..I try to focus on progress, not perfection.

If we could see your worst elements, we would say, Yep, she's human, just like we are! And we would love you and admire you just the same! You are pushing through frustration and difficulty to keep on the path...your real, daily, messy journey is genuinely inspiring. Your strength shines through, even when you're not feelin' it!

We are all sometimes in the same boat. You are not alone. But saying that, only you can change the tide so to speak. First work on the reasons why you got fat in the first place, when you have sorted that out... put the steps in place to not go there and to achieve and follow through with your steps or plans.

You aren't insane, you are human!! If weight loss was easy we wouldn't be here - it is HARD!! But you have proven that you can do it and you WILL!! You've got it right - one hour, one day, one week at a time you WILL succeed!!

I am also one of those teammates that looks up to you! Your journey is amazing, I see your struggles like they are my mirror. I feel like I am always on my knees trying to get to the next hurdle. I know I can do it, but i have to fight for every oz. Thank you for your blog, you are truly a blessing in my journey.

I am at the same point. I am doing the plateau breaking plan with Spark Coach. I am not at a plateau, but have just 3 pounds to lose. It doesn't sound like much, but it is hard! Every little calorie counts and I need to EXERCISE! Little walks here and there aren't enough...

I'm one of those teammates that look up to you...and even more so now! If you were genetically skinny that wouldn't be motivating to me but the fact I see my struggles in your struggles then I see you overcome them by reanalyzing and working hard! That's motivating!