Wednesday, August 26, 2009

“Pass the chicken, pass the pie. We sure eat good when someone dies. Funeral food, it's so good for the soul. Funeral food, fills you up down to your toes.” —Kate Campbell

Funeral food was much on my mind last week as I returned to Texas to attend my grandma Ashner’s funeral.

She had been riddled with pancreatic cancer and when she was diagnosed last fall she was given five months to live. That she made it through 11 months was a gift and while I miss her, I know that she’s no longer feeling any pain.

Grandma Ashner, aka Grandma Fain or Grandma Texas, was my dad’s mother. She was a traditional Southern woman that despite her gentle, belle-like nature also had the strength to raise six children pretty much by herself in not the best of circumstances, with little complaint and much love. She was a passionate Aggie in a family of Longhorns and a staunch Democrat in a family where Republicans are the majority. She also had good Texan taste—adoring both the Dallas Cowboys and George Strait. And she made exceptional giblet gravy, which makes any other holiday condiment taste tepid and weak and wonderful chicken-fried steak, which of course makes all Texans smile.

Grandma Ashner holding me on my first birthday, with my aunts Julie and Jill joining in the fun.

I like to say I get my sweet nature from my mother’s side of the family—where pies are a specialty—and my savory nature from my dad’s side of the family—where chili and Tex-Mex are more on offer. But this is an oversimplification as Grandma Ashner was as sweet as they come. She always had a smile on her face and called everyone either darlin’, sweetheart or precious. And when it was time to bid farewell, you couldn’t leave without her saying, “Sweetheart, give me some sugar!”
My dad’s side of the family is large. He and his five siblings have produced 17 grandchildren and 13 great-grandchilden. I hadn’t seen many of my relatives in far too long, my being all the way up here in New York City and all. And while I wasn’t happy that I was seeing them again under such sad circumstances, it was indeed wonderful to be reunited with such a loving and cool bunch of people.

After the funeral, we went over to my cousin’s house where there was a full spread of casseroles, cold cuts, dips, salads, cookies and cakes provided by friends of the family. We were starving and this was just what we needed—funeral food, easy and comforting.

As we stood talking in the kitchen about how we’re going to put together a family cookbook to honor both Grandma and our family’s love of cooking and good food, we nibbled on a potato casserole that none of us could stop eating. It was rich, thick and creamy, and while you were stuffed after one bite you couldn’t put down your fork. Heck, many of us even went back for seconds and even thirds. There were no complaints, however, as this is what we needed that day—simple food that didn’t require much thought, just pure, fulfilling pleasure.

I have a recipe for potato casserole that may not be exactly what we ate, but it’s very similar. It’s not everyday fare as it’s heavy and not all that healthy. But that’s exactly what makes it perfect funeral food—for those times when you need something easy that can help fill the void caused by a loved one’s passing. And while it will be impossible to fill the void left by Grandma Ashner, for a moment at least, funeral food such as this potato casserole rose to the occasion and did its part.

Add the diced potatoes to the skillet and mix with the onions and peppers. Stir in the garlic and spice mixture.

Pour the cream over the potatoes and cover the skillet with foil. Bake for 1 hour.

After an hour, remove the potatoes from the oven, and turn on the broiler. Cut the remaining 2 tablespoons of butter into small pieces, and dot on top of the cooked potatoes. Place the skillet under the broiler for 2 minutes or until the butter has melted and potatoes are starting to brown on top.

76 comments:

I am sorry for your loss. Pancreatic cancer is a bitch. We loss my grandpa 8 months after diagnosis and a close family friend in just 3 weeks.

I love the quote you shared. When my great grandma -who was a great cook herself- died she had already planned the menu for after the service. It was finger-lickin' good, full of fried chicken, baked macaroni and cheese, cheesy potatoes, and a rich chocolate cake. It was such a wonderful meal, and nice to know that Grandma knew we would all enjoy it.

I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother. My Granny Gallaway fought pancreatic cancer, too, and lasted a year past her prognosis out of sheer orneriness. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

Our small town Texas church made potluck for us before my granny's funeral. It fortified us on a very difficult day and reminded me that my grandmother had provided many a dish for the families of those who passed before her.

I am going to make this- and I'm not waiting for a funeral to do it. It is just about Hatch Chili season now.

Your stories about your grandma warmed my heart. A democrat in repub territory (I'm in Travis Co, the single dem county in a giant repub state); the lone aggie in longhorn country... Gimme some sugar did me in. My mother-in-law used to say that to all us kids, and our kids, and our kids' kids. She passed away a year and a half ago, now.

Death is all around us today...so sorry for your loss...our Texas grandmothers certainly created a legacy for us. I know you and your family celebrated her life. It really reminds us of the depth and strength of those ties when we "go home" for family finerals. We derive such comfort from seeing those faces and sharing those unspoken bonds.

I am so sorry for your loss. This post comes less than a week after I found out my own grandma - with whom I share a name - has pancreatic cancer. It's awful, isn't it? She's been given three months, although most of think her time will be much shorter.

This recipe looks so comforting and wonderful. I'll tuck it in my back pocket for such a time when I'll need it. Thank you.

I'm so sorry for your loss, darlin'. I lost my Granny many years ago, and this poem appeared in mind shortly thereafter. I hope it brings you a bit of comfort.

Heaven’s Blessing

Death steals your last breath away from you now.You ascend above us all, peering down.Entering the gates of Heaven, you bow.You are now dressed in a white gown.Sweetest sounding music invades your ears.Your eyes consume the precious sight.No longer do you dare shed any sad tears.Happiness is in the air, clouds, and light.Others crowd around, expressing welcome.Along with them you readily move on.You now feel as a companion to some.All earthly desires and needs are gone.

Great Heaven greeted you with open arms.You will no longer feel the threat of harms.

We lost my Bappaw 2 years ago to pancreatic. He fought it for about a year longer than the doctors in Beaumont thought he could. And, at his funeral in the tiny little town of Call, Texas, we had the best mixed berry (huckle, blue, ???) cobbler anyone had ever tasted.

I am glad we got to spend some time together even though it was for a short amount of time. I hope that when you come to McKinney to see your other grandma you give me a ring and we get together for dinner or drinks or something. We miss seeing you.

I am guessing that the biscuits weren't very good since you went with the casserole. I will have to try this one next time!

If people in other parts of the country don't bring food to funerals, they should adopt the practice. It's like gathering 'round the campfire, circling the wagons, reassurance that folks are there to hold you up when you're feeling lower than a snake's belly. And thanks for what sounds like a recipe my mama used to make.

Sorry to hear about your Grandma. Sounds like you loved her very much. I was just in Austin three weeks ago for a memorial for my Grandpa who passed on in June. Glad I could hold my Grandma's hand a little while longer. I was lucky to talk to my Grandpa on the phone the day before he died, just as he was about to enjoy what was his last meal: a small cheeseburger and strawberry shake from Dan's Hamburgers, an Austin institution. Good memories. Good food. Good Texans.

I am sorry for your loss. I have been a faithful, but silent reader of your blog for over a year, but I had to comment on this. I was out of town last week attending my fathers funeral, so this hit really close to home. He did most of the cooking when I was growing up, and was definitely a "meat and taters" man. I will have to cook this up for my mom and sister when I go home in a couple of weeks. Thank you for such wonderful stories and recipes.

My deepest condolences, Lisa. Is it Grandma Ashner's hand in one of your pictures, I believe holding peas? I'm so very sorry for your loss, but so very happy that you had such a special grandma to share your life with. I picture her in a glorious place with Molly Ivins and Ann Richards having a heck of a wonderful conversation about Texas politics.

Chiming in to say how sorry I am about your grandmother. I'm glad you have lots of good memories and recipes to look back on. She sounds like a wonderful lady. Take care of yourself--we're thinking of you.

In Utah everyone makes a dish called "funeral potatoes" for funerals, different than this but with the same comforting idea in mind. I'm glad you got to be with your family and that your grandma is at peace now.

Lisa, I am so sorry. My prayers are with you and your family. I recently lost some family members, my Mother and wonderful Aunt , so I know what you feel right now. I make a potato dish kind of like this. Mine have 1/4 inch sliced potatoes, green chiles, onion, sour cream, cheese, bacon all layered. Just put lots of hatch chiles in my freezer for the winter. Blessings to you!

How very fortunate you are to have such wonderful memories of your grandmother. I lost my last grandparent when I was a freshman in high school. What I wouldn't give to have had them longer.As for funeral food - as a young bride the first funeral food I ever made was scalloped potatoes with a recipe straight out of my brand new BH&G New Cookbook. It was a hit & I have done it a million times since. However, today I'm doing your Hatch potatoes with great expectations. By the way, my Midland son said to tell you that funeral food isn't funeral food without ham.

So sorry for your loss. This post was a wonderful tribute. And it's nice to know that the Texans are as enthusiastic about filling the funeral plates as the Jews. Stuffing my face has managed to lift my spirits at the few shivas I've been too, and, as you say, sometimes it's reuniting with family from far and wide that can warm you down to yours toes as well.

So sorry to hear about your grandmother Lisa! I can just hear the accent in those quotes - I have family from OK - and gimme some sugar was definitely part of the lexicon. Also saw your tweet about your kitty. Sounds like it was a rough week. Here's to good memories and better times ahead!

So sorry about your grandma. I also was just thinking about funeral food. I made baked ziti for a coworker's mother's funeral and was so struck by all the food and all the love that was poured out that day that I wrote a post about it. Are you going to do a cookbook in honor of your grandmother?

Funeral food is such a civilized tradition; there's something so right & comforting about people showing up with a dish of this or a crock-pot of that. Because there's really nothing ever very good to say, we make things with our hands and bring them and they say "I love you and I'm so sorry."

Great post. Lovely in sentiment and delicious. I promptly made those potatoes last night. I can't get Hatch chiles in Michigan, but I happened to have a bunch of already-roasted Anaheims and poblanos in the fridge. The Southern tradition of bringing a dish to the grieving isn't as prevalent up here and I miss that mark of civility and consideration.

Sorry to hear about your grandma's passing. I am sure she is so very proud of you and what you have done with this blog-preserving and honoring the diverse Texan cookin' tradition that's really all about loving life and family!

I can't say that I'm sorry for your loss. That's terrible, right? But selfishly I know that if you hadn't suffered such a loss, you wouldn't have written such a touching article, and my friend's friend wouldn't have shared the blog link with him, and I wouldn't have had the chance to read your blog... Twisted, but:

I'm a HOMESICK TEXAN, too!

We are, in fact, considering petitioning the Texas State Legislature to "register" our daughter as a Texan (both parents were Texans, so the child should be able to be a Texan no matter where they are. You know the old saying - you can take the girl out of Texas.... I say that if you can't remove it, then it's GOTTA be genetic or inheritable, right?) Though she was born in California, she's being raised by Texans and will always be a Texan. Maybe we could suggest "Texan Tryouts" for people who want to become "registered Texans"?

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. But what timing: I was just at my grandfather's funeral in South Texas this week. On top of every other emotion, I felt a little guilty for all the barbecued chicken and potato salad and cobbler I stuffed into my mouth. Plus slice after slice of the five different Bundt cakes brought over by family friends. So thank you for this perspective; the shared comfort food did what it was meant to do. It was certainly social eating, and despite the circumstances it was so nice to catch up with family that I'd love to see more often.

I share your pain for your family's loss, but I must tell you that I can see your Grandma smiling down on you from Heaven right now!! (even if you are in "yankee" land!ha!) She has to have been one of the reasons that your roots stand SOOOO firm about being a Texan!! I'm glad that she was such a woman!! It also makes me realize that I am a lucky gal to have such a strong family background as well!! And, as the commercial says,"...priceless!!" Take care! You & yours are in our prayers!!

I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my grandmother this past week. Although I live in Texas, I don't think I have ever had hatch chile potato casserole but some wonderful women brought this dish over for us to enjoy. It was quite the comfort food for us as well. Thanks for the recipe!

Lisa, I want to join the rest of your readers in telling you that I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this recipe that helped you and your family through such a difficult time. I recently tried the recipe for dinner with some close friends (after surprisingly and somewhat unbelievably finding Hatch chiles in a Boston grocery store), and it was absolutely incredible. Everyone loved it. Thank you again for sharing!

My favorite recipe from my Texas grandmother is her Coke Cake. The last few times I had seen her before she died, she'd send me home with frozen slabs of it. I found her old handwritten recipe as we were cleaning out the house...I need to make some soon!