The Best of the Jokes (December through February)

December 10, 2007: After her son fell in the pond again and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated mother sent him to his room and washed and dried his clothes.

A little later, she heard a commotion in the back yard. She called out, “Are you out there wetting your pants again!?”

There was dead silence for a moment, and then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly — “No, ma’am, just reading the meter.”

—

December 20, 2007: A man went to the doctor with a lettuce leaf sticking out of his ear.

“Hmm,” said the doctor. “That’s strange.”

The man replied, “I know! And that’s just the tip of the iceberg!”

—

January 18, 2008: A woman went into the dentist’s office and said, “I think I’d just as soon have a baby as get my tooth pulled.”

The dentist replied, “Make up your mind — I’ll have to adjust the chair.”

—

February 7, 2008: A Texan walked into a pub in Ireland and said, “I hear you Irish like to drink. I bet you 500 American dollars that no one in here can drink ten pints of Guinness back-to-back.”

The room grew silent, and no one took the offer. One man even left.

30 minutes later, the guy who left comes back and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your offer still good?”

The Texan nods and the bartender lines up 10 pints. Immediately the Irishman tears into them, downing one after another after another as the patrons cheer. In a few minutes, all were empty, and the others in the bar cheered as the Texan sat amazed. Handing the Irishman $500, he said, “If you don’t mind me askin’, where’d you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?”

The Irishman replied, “Oh, I just went to the pub down the street to see if I could really do it.”