Batter Up

A no-good, greedy Canadian owns the Miami Marlins. The Magic City loves its team, but it also harbors an unfair bit of passive-aggression toward Canucks (more of a friendly rivalry, really). And because the Washington Nationals were once the Montreal Expos, when the two teams meet at Marlins Park (501 NW 16th Ave., Miami) this Sunday, we can watch the Fish bat the ever-loving poutine out of the Nats beginning at 1:10 p.m. We’ll grab a hamburger, fries, and an ice-cold brew at the Clevelander. Then we’ll head up to our cheap seats (tickets cost $13 to $495) and listen for the almighty crack of a Louisville slugger as recent grand-slammer Jeff Mathis invariably rockets a ball so far over the wall it lands in Key West. Soon the Nationals will be down 13-0 and crying like somebody stole the A/C unit out of their bus for the long, lonely loser ride home. We will cheer and scream and shout as we down copious amounts of peanuts and Cracker Jack. Then we’ll chug a few more brewskis in the golden heat of the summer sun while shouting, “The Fish are back! The Fish are back!” Hey, dare to dream, right? Call 305-480-1300 or visit marlins.mlb.com. July 14-13, 7:10 p.m., 2013