Archive for December, 2007

I just wanted to wish y’all the merriest of Christmases and hope that y’all stop your whoring, drug-taking, baby killing and gay sex if only just for today and glory in the wonderful birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who was killed by the Jews so that we could have every lasting life. You only need to allow him inside you just one time and he’s gonna stay there forever. Remember – sin is like an appendix – you don’t need it and once it’s gone you don’t miss it.

I also wanna tell you that I may be a little quieter than usual as the Lord instructed my lawyer to get me out of the country for a little bit until a few legal issues get sorted out. I ain’t sure if they got the internet thing over where I’m headed. My guess is that them backwards h00-hahs will prolly think my hard drive is a magic box and try to make me king. ‘Course, I ain’t gonna accept the title but it’s gonna give me a real good opportunity to talk about who the real king is – God.

So some little punk started firing off rounds at Ted Haggard’s old church and killed a couple of people. If that church hadn’t had armed security guards it coulda been a lot worse. Everybody oughta go to church armed because you never know what’s gonna happen. I also lay out a plan to make kids less afraid of guns by posting armed Blackwater boys outside of pre-schools. It makes a lotta sense!

I ain’t sure who God’s gonna chose for my VP but I’m kinda hoping it’s gonna be Gov. Huckabee and not just cuz God helped him not to be a fatty anymore. He’s got a sound policy on Iran and understands the TRUE roll of the military in this country. I also talk a little about the little known plot to kill Mary on her way to Bethlehem and why, as they said on Crosstalk, more unwed pregnancies happen during Christmas.