Ramapo College to Allow Hazing in Freshman Seminar

After many years of being adamantly against hazing, Ramapo’s Board of Directors has voted to allow hazing amongst teachers and their first year freshman seminar classes. This decision comes with the recent news that Ramapo has the softest underclassmen in all of America according to a recent poll. “Something has to be done to mold these immature children into adults,” says Ramapo Board member Pat Young. “Hopefully they will stop being such pussies.”

First year seminar classes have been seen walking around campus with saddles on their backs, offering rides to anyone they come across. This is considered to be a great ice breaker activity so that freshman can meet their peers. Other ice breakers include, literally breaking sheets of ice over each other’s heads. The first person to throw up from having a concussion must walk around with a 30 box on their head.

Presentations include funneling handles of Everclear. Grades are determined by how quickly you can finish your alcohol. Captain Morgan and flavored vodka has been used as a common substitute for those freshmen who are still unable to withstand the taste of pure grain alcohol. “It tastes like candy, but the hangover is unbearable,” says one freshman who will soon graduate to big boy alcohol. “No more Bacardi Razz for me.”

The experiential component will allow freshman to release their sexual juices (onto a cookie and the last person to finish must eat it). Homework will consist of eating the nastiest shit you could possibly think of, a triscuit sandwiched between two plain rice cakes with peanut butter (no water allowed).

Most folks with a higher education can look back at their final week of college and recall seven days of drunken havoc, poor decisions, questionable morals, and loose women. A Ramapo graduate, however, can look back fondly upon snack time in the alcohol-free tent, finger painting, a police presence, and being quarantined in the Village.... MORE »

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