HERE IN THE RUINS OF ATLANTA, I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO GET MUCH INFORMATION ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON ANYWHERE ELSE, SO I DON'T KNOW HOW FAR THIS EPIDEMIC HAS SPREAD, BUT AFTER WEEKS OF WORK IN ISOLATION, I CAN ANNOUNCE THAT I HAVE STOPPED IT FROM SPREADING BY SPLICING MY OWN DNA INTO THE VIRUS!

THAT'S RIGHT WORLD, YOU CAN THANK ME FOR SAVING HUMANITY BY ALTERING THE EBOLA VIRUS TO ALMOST COMPLETELY ELIMINATE ITS CAPABILITY TO INFECT A HUMAN BEING. I WAS ABLE TO DO THIS BY CHANNELING THE INFECTIOUS NATURE INTO A SINGLE, VERY SPECIFIC SITUATION WHICH SHOULD POSE NO THREAT TO ANYONE, AS LONG AS PEOPLE AVOID GETTING ICE WATER DUMPED ON THEIR HEADS.