procedure:- injure yourself well enough to make it necessery to walk with crutches- prepare your salad standing on your sound leg- cut the ingredients in precarious equilibrium- clumsily deep cut one of your fingers, or more if you prfer, and spill blood- don't give a fuck and mix it all

Thank god I don't have any communicable diseases, because everyone I have ever cooked for would have too. I constantly have multiple little nicks and cuts on my digits. And when I got a mandolin slicer, instead of an improvement in this, forget it - my index fingers are always slightly shorter than previously...