Welcome to Better Know An Umpire, an effort to educate ourselves on the human elements who have ultimate decision-making power over some 2,500 Major League Baseball games a year. (All cumulative statistics are through the 2011 season, unless otherwise stated.)

Cousins has a consistently small strike zone ... Despite the occasional spasms of pitcher-friendliness, Cousins's reputation as a hitters' umpire is well established, to the point where players call him "Shoebox" for the size of his strike zone.

let me get this out: FUCK DERRYL COUSINS! hp ump last night was terrible, just terrible. the most inconsistent strike zone i have ever seen. he would call a ball and then the same pitch, 2 pitches later he would call a strike. SAME PITCH, SAME LOCATION. get the fuck out cousins, i hope you get your ass fined. im not the best lip reader, but im pretty sure i saw lincecum say "motherfuckin asshole" after cousins called a pitch a ball when it was clearly a strike. oh and that FOX TRAX thing was in cahoots with cousins because the only times it popped up was when cousins actually got shit right. also it would show the ball going to the outside/inside corners when it was really right down the middle. hella dumb. i know i know, i didnt go to umpire school and im just a civilian in civilian clothes who should probably just stick to my day job, but fuck that! im a giants fan and i criticize, bitch, and tell you how i feel! so derryl cousins can s on a d!