Let’s Rank Johnny Depp’s Costumes

People seem very indignant about the movie. I heard one fellow remark that, “This was our thing, and Tim Burton wasn’t allowed to take it away from us!”

Really? You were around in 1966?

Fortunately, I was!

Dark Shadows was a terrible show. I mean, it was campy and hilarious, but it was on at 4:00 in the afternoon and its prime market was schoolchildren. It was famous largely because budgetary constraints meant actors had to do everything in one take, so they periodically forgot other characters names. And it was nicknamed “mike shadows” because of the number of times you see the boom mike being lowered in front of people.

It wasn’t a sacred relic. The new movie is pretty funny, and Eva Green looks absolutely smashing in a red sequined dress. It’s fine.