Katy Perry Is Neither As Sexy or As Interesting as the Burlesque Stars She Tries to Emulate

Katy Perry took to the stage on the “Today Show” this morning amidst piles of cotton candy to perform songs from her new album, and all I can think of when I see this photo is slapping her across her unoriginal face.

I have wanted to like Katy Perry, I really have. “I Kissed a Girl,” while vapid, was catchy. Perry herself is adorable, and somehow she landed Russell Brand. But every single thing she does serves to make her more and more annoying, and lately, when she’s just repeatedly revealing how untalented and unoriginal she is, I have to say that she has officially gone down in my book as a Pop Star Whose Fame Is Undeserved.

So, let’s talk about that interview in Rolling Stone, for starters. I kept waiting for her to say something interesting. But honestly, even Vanessa Grigoriadis, the reporter, seemed bored with her. The entire story hinged on the idea that Perry loves attention. Literally. A few paragraphs in, after reporting that Perry responded to rumors that she smack-talked Miley Cyrus with a tweet saying “I love that ho,” Grigoriadis writes that:

Perry mainlines attention the way her fiance, Russell Brand, once did with heroin (and now does with attention), so she found the entire interaction to be deeply satisfying. Not only did hundreds of gossip sites report on her tweet, but she had also managed to publicly call 17-year-old Miley Cyrus a “ho.” That was naughty. That was walking the line. That was exactly the kind of moment that Perry lives for.

Dude. That’s fucking obnoxious. That’s the most interesting thing that Rolling Stone could find to base an article about her on? That’s fucking pathetic (for Perry, not Rolling Stone). I mean, every famous person loves attention. They wouldn’t have sought fame otherwise. Katy Perry, though, apparently just has absolutely nothing else going for her.

Because let’s be real — we’re all heard her songs. Yes, California Gurls is a hit, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s a terrible song. She also can’t sing. And her look and her stage shows are completely unoriginal — that “Today Show” stage set is some straight Dita von Teese shit, with those cartoonishly massive, consumable props. And her style is a direct Betty Page rip-off, which has actually been ripped off by legions of women for decades, making her whole deal a rip-off of a rip-off.

And so, all told, Katy Perry is unoriginal, untalented, boring, and yet self-obsessed. Who likes this chick?