How to Deal with Anxiety

Stop thinking so much! Just calm down!

I remember being told those things as a young adult when I was struggling with anxiety, it was unhelpful and frustrating. While great ideas, there’s just one problem, when anxiety is in the driver’s seat the nervous system is naturally escalated and the brain is searching for danger.

Would you tell somebody facing a charging bear to ‘just relax and calm down’?Nope! It doesn’t work when facing a bear and it doesn’t work for people experiencing anxiety.

For somebody with anxiety, the ‘bear’ can be all sorts of things:

social situations

worries about failure or not being good enough

discomfort with body sensations like fast heartbeat

and the list goes on!

In my experience, both personally and professionally, learning to manage anxiety effectively and being able to find a sense of calm is absolutely do-able, but it is not a quick fix and calmness is not a fixed state. It takes time and ongoing maintenance. But it certainly does get easier over time!

Your journey will involve experimenting with a variety of tools and looking to many different sources for support as you explore what works for you. But before we look at some tools and supports….

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…What is Anxiety Anyway?

If this triangle represents your nervous system space,
It’s normal and healthy to have some degree of anxiety,
–It gets us out of bed in the morning.

But when your nervous system space gets too full, there is no more room to breathe.

The nervous system gets stuck in an escalated state and anxiety gets in the driver’s seat and takes us places we rarely want to go.

So in a nutshell, anxiety is a healthy nervous system response, but if stuck in the ‘on’ position anxiety can get really overwhelming.

What does the term ‘anxiety’ actually mean?

Merriam-Webster Dictionary (Medical Definition):

(1): apprehensive uneasiness or nervousness usually over an impending or anticipated ill : a state of being anxious

(2): an abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physical signs (such as tension, sweating, and increased pulse rate), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one’s capacity to cope with it

b: mentally distressing concern or interest

Clearly the term covers a wide continuum of experiences.

Given that life is full of uncertainties, we are all going to experience anxiety some times. Experiencing some degree of anxiety is part of being human. However, while its part of being human, how we manage it, our genetics and other factors can impact how we experience it.

According to the Anxiety Disorders Association of Canada, one in four Canadians (25%) will have at least one anxiety episode in their lifetime and the Association considers anxiety be one of the most common mental illnesses in Canada. The Association also notes that the statistic is only based on Generalized Anxiety and there are 7 other anxiety categories not included.

So, What to Do??

5 Tools to Help Anxiety

1. Breathing

I know I used to get irritated when people would just suggest that I try taking deep breaths. So if that is your experience, I get it!

However, disordered breathing is almost always present with anxiety. I found it easier to try breathing exercises once I understood the ‘why’.

So, here it is in a nutshell.

With the muscle tension that happens in anxiety, breathing usually gets shallow and stuck in the upper chest. This is a vicious circle because the tense muscles keep the breath shallow and the shallow breath ‘tells’ the body to stay in a high vigilance state. Deep breathing or diaphragm breathing helps to control the nervous system and encourages the body to relax. For a more detailed explanation, check out this post How is your Breath Effecting You?

For a more visual explanation, check out this TED Talk:

There are a lot of breathing techniques out there that can help with anxiety. It’s worth experimenting with different options. For some people focusing on breathing can initially be more agitating. If this is your experience, consider getting help from a yoga teacher, breathing physiotherapist or a counsellor.

3. Making Friends With Anxiety

I want to get rid of anxiety! This is a common wish expressed by people, and it’s so understandable. In reality though, anxiety is a natural and necessary part of healthy functioning, getting ‘rid’ of it, isn’t a possibility. However, what is possible is to ‘make friends’ with it. To learn ways of managing our thoughts, emotions and body sensations so we don’t react so strongly to them.

Here is a TED Talk by psychologist Kelly McGonigal exploring this idea:

4. Get Moving!

Research has shown that getting your body moving can be helpful in anxiety management and in improving sleep.

How does it help?

Exercise and other physical activity produce chemicals in the brain called endorphins. Endorphins act as a natural painkiller. They also help us feel good.

Scientists have found that even as little as five minutes of aerobic exercise can begin to soothe anxiety.

As far as anxiety goes, researchers have also found that a 10-minute walk may be just as good as a 45-minute workout. For anyone able-bodied, a 10-minute walk may feel easier to add into your routine!

Exercise also offers social activity with a focus. Check out local meetups in your area for walking, hiking or running groups.

Another option is yoga. Yoga offers a number of benefits. If you are practicing at a studio you have somebody to lead you through the postures. Yoga can also help with anxiety because of its focus on the pairing of breath and movement.

5. Relaxation & Mindfulness

This intro video from Headspace does one of the best jobs I’ve found to explain the ‘why’ of mindfulness disciplines like meditation.

Mindfulness exercises can help us to learn to identify and manage our thoughts, feelings and body sensations.

If meditation doesn’t feel like the right fit, there are many other mindfulness and relaxation tools such as:

guided relaxation

practicing being present with existing activities like brushing your teeth