"He's sort of like that elderly relative who you only see at Thanksgiving, doesn't get out of bed much, and he's sitting around the table and suddenly blurts out nonsensical sentences in between chewing on soft foods."

And then he proceeded to show clip after clip of Robertson atrocities.

Did I mention that this is the same Pat Robertson, former Chairman of the Board of the cable network The Family Channel, where I worked as a TV comedy writer? And that he censored one of my jokes because I used the words "toilet paper"? True story. And the joke wasn't about anything remotely "off color."