(bt dubs kip you just basically said “Sup vampire”)
(Also, Jrek’s raw stupidity renders most mind-affecting spells completely useless, as his brain cannot process advanced commands.)Jrek Gnorl
The Orc Warband appears to grow restless waiting for longer than two minutes. Some of them start swinging their usually oversized weapon around.
Jrek notices a Dark Elf going around talking to people. Jrek comes to the conclusion that the Elf is clearly a spy from the Empire of Good and that they painted an Elf black to try and make it look evil.
In a noble attempt to whisper, but still ending up almost shouting, Jrek addresses his war party.
“JREKSEESPY. IS TRY TO INFILTRATE US. OTHERCREATURETHINK IT FRIEND, BUTJREKSEETHROUGHILLUSION. YOUSTAYHERE, JREKDEALWITHDAGGEREAR.”
Jrek attempts walking up quietly behind the Dark Elf, but seeing as how he’s a seven feet tall, 300 pound Orc Warband leader carrying a massive Orc Iron warhammer, it doesn’t really work out.

Jrek Gnorl
Jrek attempts to punch his mirror image, dissipating it. Since the rest of the scene has quieted down and the original fallen angel is gone, the rest of Jrek’s Warparty barge to the front of the line and basically throw their scribbled-on papers at Delilah. They’re even harder to read then Jrek’s. The pinkskin started arguing with some vampire.
“JREKHATEBLOODLEECH.” Jrek says, in the most normal and not-shouting voice he can muster. The warparty grunts in agreement, and sits down at the bench. The huge figures of the Orc Warriors and their weapons take up twelve chairs. Jrek surveys the scene, staring angrily at anyone that looks at him until they avert their eyes. The orc-marked MEG commander’’s pauldron marks Jrek clearly as the leader of the warband. Jrek starts making racecar noises.

Jrek Gnorl
Jrek screams something incomprehensible and lifts his hammer above his head, charging directly at the illusion of Issac. He brings it down with tremendous force directly where Issac would have been standing, enough to smash the Shellfish table in half and crack the floor.
“YOUDIEFORINSULTORCCULTURE! NO ONEINSULTORCCULTURE!”
Jrek has apparently been aggravated into a rage. Once the illusion dissipates, he starts wildly swinging his hammer around the table in powerful strikes, attempting to hit Issac. In reality, this ends up with Goblin entrails all over the broken shellfish table.

Worse, the loud voices of Orcs can been heard nearby- in all likelihood, Jrek’s War party. That’s seven half-retarded warrior Orcs coming near their leader in a Battle Frenzy.
Someone should probably do something about this before it gets really fucked up.

Cue flashback.“Like this?”
“Precisely. You’re learning, Konrad.”
(Crashing noise)
“… Although maybe not that fast. Heh. Three strokes of the hand, and a Divine word. Say the word after the second stroke in an upwards arc, and the other two in a left and right arc respectively..”
“I think I understand now. Thanks, Jorji.”

Two strokes, a divine word, and one more. Sounds easy enough. Hopefully my Black Shield will last long enough I don’t die for trying this, and hopefully I’m a bit more powerful than I was then, even in that field.
Haven’t used holy magic in hundreds of years now. Fucking hell, man.
One stroke, leftwards arc. The Black Shield around me weakens.
A second stroke, rightwards arc. I can sense a first hole being broken in the shield. Something feels different inside.
A secret divine word, muttered under my breath. The uttering of it burns my mind and face. The mist is almost through the shield totally now. My body feels a way it hasn’t felt in a long time.
And one perfectly executed stroke upwards. Hermann’s mist has broken through my black shield now, and are about to consume the rest of my life force. Luckily the shield conceals my physical body underneath it, so he couldn’t see my movements I was doing. By the time he sees the final stroke, it is too late.
A powerful surge of light pushes out from my body, with the power of someone who’s got a bit of countless holy men inside of him, all struggling for dominion over their host soul. Unleashing their power now might have consequences later, but fuck that. I needed it right now. The surge of pure light moves too fast for even a teleportation to get away from it, and while it’s certainly not enough to kill a mage of his power, I can’t imagine that Holy Magic point-blank blast will do anything good. I begin the incantation of a Black Prison right after the Blast occurs- he probably won’t stay down for the whole rest of the two and a half minutes this battle has in it.

Jrek Gnorl
Jrek shoves a couple of people out of the way and hands the lady his application, after sitting at the bench with a red marker for two hours.

“WHENJREKSTART, WOMAN?”
He looks around impatiently. Filling out the sheet has apparently put him in a bad mood.
Jrek notices some fallen angels nearby, one of whom takes a slight glance at his insanely heavy Warhammer.
“WHATAREYOULOOK AT? AREYOUNOTLIKEWARHAMMER?” he says, aggression clear in his voice.

Konrad Engels
Three minutes left. Fuuuuuuuuuuck.
I’m a Necromancer. This isn’t what I do best. Shit.
But I’m also a dark mage- and a goddamn good one at that. Hopefully it’ll have some effect on his dark-mystiness. And if not, I’ve still got one last trick up my sleeve…
I fight against the Vapor, and launch a considerably powerful blast of concentrated Dark Magic directly at his stupid fucking vapor-face. Then, I put up a black shield only around my direct physical body to stop or at least slow down the vapor around me, and begin to concentrate hard on the past. I need to remember right now- my life may well depend on it.

and Juniper is pure tank/dps. Just send him straight into the enemy, cause some havoc then fly away.

Wyrms have no wings. He’d burrow away rather than fly away, if necessary. Also,

Jrek Gnorl:This is like a more durable and more powerful version of Juniper.

I fail to see how a gigantic scaled monstrosity is less durable and less powerful than something that is ultimately still roughly human-sized and proportioned. This isn’t me being cocky or anything; I’m just saying that dragons tend to be very big and well-armoured for scales, and so by extension… actually, would the average wyrm be bigger than the average dragon, I wonder? Maybe, maybe not, or perhaps it depends on age. Either way, I feel like the sentence I quoted, plot armour aside, is a bit of a misnomer.

When someone’s basic companion is significantly more powerful than a non-retarded PC, it’s probably a problem.EDIT:
Jrek is specifically intended for bullet sponge to the max. As an Orc Warband leader, he stands easily 6’ something, with a weight to match his height as a ball of muscle. And as stated in the Application, he heals wounds incredibly fast.
Also, he is armored with the mighty Plot Armor.

Konrad Engels
I send about ten zombies in the circle near him to jump on his exposed body, clawing the the flesh. I wouldn’t assume that these zombies would be able to kill him so I’m not too worried. The others stay back in case he pulls some vampire trick, and I continue to raise more of the surrounding corpses into my temporary service.

Konrad Engels
I form a sheildwall of sorts of some of the zombies in front of me, to prevent any direct attacks on me he might be formulating.
Also, he doesn’t seem to remember he’s dealing with undead- who don’t stop fighting until their essence is destroyed, which means either killing me or, basically, smashing their skull in. His skull remains decidedly un-smashed. I command his now-almost-skeletal husk to grab Hermann’s leg with his one remaining hand, hopefully pulling the man down. If he falls, he’s dead meat in all likelihood.
I count down the time in my head as well. Five minutes seems like a while in a fight.

@jenrenator
You’re gonna be that guy, aren’t you?Name: Jrek GnorlRace:ORC IS MOSTPOWERFULRACEAge:JREK IS OF AGE TO KILLGender:JREKHAVEPENISAppareance:JREKSTRONGORC! JREK IS MANYMUSCLE, TO CRUSHLITTLEELFSKULL. JREKTALL. JREKSMARTESTORC IN CLASS! TEACHERSAYJREKSUITABLEFORMID-LEVELCOMMANDINGROLE. JREKKILLTEACHERQUICKLY. JERKMANYSCARSFROMPUNYPINKSKINSANDDAGGEREARSTHATTRY TO KILLHIM, JREKSIMPLYLAUGH. JREKSTRONG. JREKCARRYWARHAMMER OF TRUEWARRIOR! IS COATED IN MANYENEMYBLOOD, AND IS TRUEORCIRON! JREKNOTCLEANWARHAMMER, IS DISGRACE TO ORCPEOPLE. JREKLOVEWARHAMMER. JREKWEARWARBANDLEADERPAULDRON TO SIGNIFYSTATUS! EVERYONELOVEJREK. WASTOLDJREKEVENSTRONGERTHANMOSTORC! THISMAKEJREKPROUD.Personality:JREKSTRONG! JREKREPRESENTATIVE OF ORCPEOPLE! JREKNOTTOLERATEDISSENT. JREKKILLWEAKLINGS. JREKSMASHHALFLINGS ON SIGHT.Skills:JREKGOOD AT SMASH, GOOD AT KILL, GOOD AT TELLOTHERORC TO SMASH! JREKWONBESTRAIDERAWARDTHREEMOONTURNSAGO! JREK IS PROUDORCRAIDER.Abilites:JREKABLE TO HEALFASTANDSMASHFAST. JREKHARD TO KILL. TOLDJREKPOSSESSABNORMALHEALINGRATE! JREKHAPPY, THISMEAN HE KILLMORE.Spells:JREKKNOWMAGICFORWEAKLINGS.Likes:JREKLIKESORC, SMASHING, STRONGFRIENDS, TAVERNANDSHINYWEAPON. JREKLOVEWARHAMMER.Dislikes:JREKHATEPINKSKINSANDDAGGEREARSANDHALFMENANDGOLDMOLESANDOTHERBADCREATURES. JREKKILLTHEMALL! JREKALSOHATEWEAKLINGSANDORCDISGRACESANDPEOPLEWHOHATEORCSANDPEOPLEWHOHATEWARHAMMER. JREKFEELSBLOODBOIL AT MENTION.Weakness:JREKMAY OR MAYNOTHAVEANGERISSUES.Personal objects: JREKOWNWARHAMMER! MADE OF BESTORCIRON IN LAND. IS NAMEGROJK. JREKSMASHMANYSKULLWITH IT! JREKHELDWARHAMMERWHENPROMOTED TO WARBANDLEADER. ALSO, JREKOWNWARBANDLEADERPAULDRON. IS PAULDRONTAKENFROMBODY OF SLAINPINKSINCOMMANDERANDPAINTEDORCCOLOR! IS ONLYGIVEN TO ORCWHOSLAYPINKSINCOMMANDERSANDDEEMEDSUITABLEFORWARBANDLEADERSHIP! JREKKNOW HE ON WAY TO TOP.Backstory:JREKWASBORN IN PEACEFULVILLAGE OF DHUHKJOR, BESTORCVILLAGE IN LAND. ONEDAYPINKSKINCOLONIZATIONPARTYCOME TO VILLAGEANDATTACKWITHWEAPONS WE NEVERSEEBEFORE, WOODSPEARSTHATSHOTFIRE! WE EATWELLTHATNIGHT. JREKWASBROUGHT ON JUDGE-DAYBEFOREELDERCOUNCIL, ANDAPPROVED AS ORCRAIDER! WASHAPPIESTDAY OF JREKLIFE. JREKSPENDYEARSRAIDINGTHEWEAKLINGTRIBES, TAKINGWHATNEEDED, UNTILONEDAYJREKPARTYCAMEACROSSPINKSKINPATROLUNITWITHCOMMANDER! JREKKNOW IF HE KILLCOMMANDER, HE SURELYGETRAIDINGPARTY OF HISOWN! JREKLEADCHARGE ON PATROL, ANDFIGHTCOMMANDER IN SINGLECOMBAT. WARHAMMERBLOWSMASHED IN HELMET, SADLY. WOULDMAKEGOODTROPHY. JREKBRINGPAULDRONBACK TO ELDERS, ANDWASMADEWARBANDLEADER! WASHAPPIESTDAY IN JREKLIFE. NOW HE GETHISOWNRAIDINGPARTY, ANDALLOWED TO LEADORCS IN WAR! JREKHADHAPPYLIFE. JREKANDPARTYHEAR OF DUNGEON OF EVILLEADINGBIGGERRAIDSTHENSMALLORCVILLAGE, SO WAVEGOODBYE TO VILLAGEWITHPROMISE OF MORESHINIESTHANCOULDEVER BE IMAGINEDANDSETOFF. JREKANDWARBAND OF SEVENORCNOWWORK AT DUNGEON OF EVIL. IS EXPECTLOTS OF KILL.

So will we automatically become commanders of the DE’s forces? Like, would the Orc character automatically be made the Warchief in command of the Orc forces? Or are we just typical minion-tier expendables?

What the fuck did you just fucking say about brickandmotarboxes, you little bitch? I’ll have you know brickandmorterboxes graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and they’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and have over 300 confirmed kills apiece. They are trained in gorilla warfare and they’re the top snipers in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to them, but just another target. They will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to them over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak they are contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. They can be anywhere, anytime, and they can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with their bare hands. Not only are they extensively trained in unarmed combat, but they have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and they will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. They will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
[A few edits makes any copy pasta usable.]

What in Davy Jones’ locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I’ll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I’ve led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o’ swag. I’ll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true. You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o’ pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o’ monsoon that’ll wipe ye off the map. You’re sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o’er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist. Not only do I be top o’ the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I’ll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o’ the world, ye dog. If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn’t, ye didn’t, and now ye’ll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I’ll shit fury all over ye and ye’ll drown in the depths o’ it. You’re fish food now.

Konrad Engels
Well, maybe this won’t be certain death.
I send one of my freshly raised zombies at the Vampire(Citation needed), telling the others to stay a little bit away from the man to see what he can do. I get the feeling sending them all at him at once would be a bad plan. I continue to raise even more of the bastards in the meantime.

Konrad Engels
This is certainly better.
The man prepares to fight. If I’m good enough, that Rapier should never touch my skin. It would take a tremendous amount of skill to kill even a neophyte necromancer in five minutes here.
And I’m certainly not a neophyte.
I walk with the other people towards the gate, and as as we pass it, I instantly start running the other way. Such is life as a Necromancer.
I prepare my Black Shield in case of a direct magical attack, and start the incantation of the most unholy magic, that of Necromancy. The ability to control that which has died. I’ve caught the other man off-guard for just enough time to be able to raise a single corpse before he can end the fight before it begins.
. Hopefully even one Zombie will hold off this man for a second or two- I don’t know anything about these people, but I assume they are of immense power, being from the Cult. I focus my energy, still getting as much distance between me and Vampire-man as possible, and concentrate on raising more Zombies. Shit, I feel like this would be a really great time to be able to summon Wraiths. Too bad I’m way too weak for that right now.
I can raise, at this rate, about a man every two seconds, getting better as I grow more familiar with these corpse types. Hopefully that will be enough for five minutes, but you never know.
His move.

Konrad Engels
I chuckle. It’s a pretty disturbing sound.
“I don’t have too much trouble with not dying.”
I look at the fourth man, possibly to the surprise of some in the room.
“You give off a vampiric feel to me. I am a lich. I don’t have any blood. Therefore, facing off against you would be the most logical choice, no?”
There are no corpses anywhere nearby, and my capacity to make them is nonexistent. My most powerful magic is out of the question. I’m just glad I took those courses in Shielding and attack spells.

What roles are currently filled? Either gonna make Richard the Dread Nercomancer 2: Richard harder, a Necromancer Cleric, or an INT:1 meatshield if really needed. I’m just feeling the undead minions right now.

Good luck having INT 1, considering I don’t allow characters with stats under 8.

What roles are currently filled? Either gonna make Richard the Dread Nercomancer 2: Richard harder, a Necromancer Cleric, or an INT:1 meatshield if really needed. I’m just feeling the undead minions right now.

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