I'm just here to better myself as a person.

Oh the things I’ve learned …

Backbends. We’ve all done them, or attempted to. I’ve always viewed backbends as a gymnastics or yoga move. It never crossed my mind that it could be used as a stripper move. Sure, call me naive about backbends it doesn’t bother me in the least. I don’t have a problem with it since backbends are only on my mind when I’m doing yoga. They don’t penetrate my noggin during every day activities like watching commercials about cheese slices or wondering how my life would’ve turned out had I been named Tiffani.

I tend to pay attention to something as benign as backbends when they’re used in araunchy manner. You’re surprised? Really? Time to start paying attention if you are OR dosomeMcCrabasshomework.

Back to backbends.

“Bridezillas” lured me in. I haven’t watched this show in a while because I think a lot of it is scripted. I find it hard to believe that some women can be so cunty, but they get a free honeymoon out of it at some sleazoid Jamaican resort, so there’s the motivation I guess. This one particular episode featured a risqué (read sleazy) bachelorette party complete with a beautifully sculpted and well-endowed male stripper. Strippers don’t bug me either. If they can figure out a way to slide up and down a pole and do squats in 5-inch lucite heels whilst exposing their coochie in front toothless truckers from Moline for money, then more power to ’em. If your peen can earn you cold, hard cash and you don’t have to turn tricks for said cash then you win. You’ve beaten the system, so to speak.

I’ve attended a few bachelorette parties in my relatively tame life, and they’ve run the gamut from going to dinner at a nice LA restaurant to an all-out, tongue-in-the-stripper’s g-string hootenanny. Don’t ask. However, I’ve never seen one like the one featured on this episode. Words can’t describe and I hope he was tipped well for swingin’ his schwantz around.

NEXT!

Time to take an ice bath.

What is the motivation behind a town’s name? I’m flummoxed by town names like Rolling Meadows, Illinois, Fresno, Cali and Anaconda, Montana. These town names make more sense to me. Although, Ding Dong could be interpreted in many ways.