Saturday, March 29, 2014

Next month we will have been married for 14 years. Dementia has been around since 2008. This cartoon from Pinterest board is us, although I don't have a cane and I color my hair to look younger and give it more body. Hubby doesn't get shaved every day also and he used to be a little taller than I am. He is frail now and I guess you would describe me as a spunkly old lady. So how is it working for us?

1. Help from others. We are so blessed thatvolunteer caregiver Kenny lives nearby and comes over at least once a day. Pharis is our volunteer for yard and maintenance. Kenny will text me when there is a problem. He will change the TV channel for hubby, because at his stage of dementia, he doesn't use those remote controls. See HERE. Because I have Kenny, I can keep working to pay the bills which include a car payment now. March 24-29 I have 4 1/2 days of substitute teaching and Saturday for teaching a class for DUI offenders.

2. Routines. Kenny established routines for shaving and showering and continues to make valuable suggestions. When Kenny will be gone for three weeks, I will be the one to use these routines and I have taken careful note. I do seem to carry with me the wife nag factor, so it will be more difficult for me. Taking morning pills in the bedroom works for me because Kenny established that routine which I mainly carry out now. At this point I put a pill in hubby's mouth and instruct him to swallow it with water. If I don't get the morning pills for hubby accomplished and have to leave the house, I text or call Kenny who sees that hubby gets his morning pills.

3. Help from a chiropractor whom hubby sees every two weeks. Now hubby can walk fairly well, although he has that old person's hobble. Alzheimer's expert Teepa Snow even imitated how my husband walks.

4. Simple, affirmative dialogue. Have learned to get in front of hubby. I often tell him I love him, and I do mean it. It seems that love takes enriching turns as the disease progresses. I know hubby would be there for me if the situation were reversed.

5. Simplifying life wherever and whenever possible. Perfectionism is absolutely gone in life as I approach my 70th year in June. Shaving my husband's whole head means we don't have to visit the barber now. Planning errands for the week rather than for the crisis moment. Have a car appointment on Monday--so won't teach that day.

6. Friends Sally and Jake. It is so pleasant to go to dinner with them as we did recently at Olive Garden, using a coupon. The husbands sit across from us and Sally and I can chat to the side. The guys turn up their humor when together. Jake is so wonderful helping hubby walk as he walks alongside of him just as Kenny does.

7. Soliciting prayer from others.

8. Realizing that this is exactly what the LORD in His providence has in mind for us and He will see us through. My husband is going downhill, and I thank God for every good day knowing that it is and will be getting worse.

12 comments:

Thanks for the wonderful "easier" and "strength" comments and for your thoughts, LaTane. You have been there as a caregiver for your late husband and have paved the way. It was a pleasure to interview you on this blog.

I especially love the cartoon with the angry husband holding the umbrella. I can relate to that one. :-) You've listed many blessings! Isn't it comforting to see God's hand in the midst of our difficult situations?

Absolutely comforting, Georgene. It sure is a discipline to not complain or kvetch as Phil. 2:14 instructs, and to take up that cross daily. I appreciate so much the Scripture we almost daily share with each other via email.

I am so blessed to read this summary of your lives. I can completely relate to it, though farther along. It is so important to adapt instead of fighting how things are. It's one way you are demonstrating your trust in our sovereign, good God. Love and hugs from the west coast, Laurie

I liked these points that you listed because I know they not only help you, but help others who may read these words and are maybe involved in the first steps of care giving someone with dementia. I especially like #8 because it shows your faith in God. It is a hard road you are on, but it is always reassuring to know that we aren't alone on that road.