Dear Readers,As all of you unquestionably know—and by all of you I mean all of you, considering that this very blog is one of three Internet websites accessible in North Korea, along with a YouTube knock off that shows various videos of Kim Jong Un shooting holes in one on every different hole at Augusta National and a porn site that proves that Kim Jong Un does, in fact, debunk stereotypes by having the biggest penis in the world—I, your almost fearless, outside of the terror that I hold for that squirrel trapped in a heating vent that is inevitably planning to one day break out and chew my face off like it is a Breakfast Crunch Wrap Supreme, leader love St. Louis. I, the Sack, consider St. Louis to undeniably be the greatest city on Earth.

Dear Readers,As all of you should surely know—primarily due to the fact that all of you are either 18-49 year-old women or, in an equally likely turn of events, people that think exactly 18-49 year-old women given that the aforementioned demographic is the only one from which this blog can derive any sort of a readership—today is a national holiday for fair-minded and well informed Americans all over this great country of yours. What day is today in the grand lexicon of our national celebrations you sloppy-brained and uninformed Americans out there may be asking? 5/12ths Christmas? Dead white male jubilee day? The commemoration of all the Dutch immigrants who went on to do whatever it is that people of Dutch heritage do in our modern civilization? Cell used cars or own bicycle shops maybe? Is there a stereotype to be had here?