“The Journal of Wall Grimm” Road Trip 11: Temperance

We drove a few hours from Seattle to Olympic National Park and camped for the night. The night was a little cold but with four of us in the tent we were warm. The weather was good yesterday too. It’s supposed to rain later today so we’re going to be taking off hopefully for a beach or somewhere cool like that in Oregon. We don’t know yet so we’re going to ask around for suggestions. There were a lot of road and bridge closures in the park but we were still able to explore the temperate forest. This is the greenest place I’ve ever been to in my life. I feel like I’m leaving here as a part of nature, like I bonded with the spirits in the forest and now it is a part of me. If only humanity could co-exist so efficiently as all of nature in a rain forest. There’s a symbiosis and in the human world that’s a bad thing considered to be co-dependence. But in nature symbiosis is a perfect synchronization of life and survival and impeccable cycles to perpetuate existence. It’s the give and take, the fostering and prospering, the correspondence between life forms, all in order for the forest as a whole entity in and of itself to continue and thrive. People should take a lesson from the forest. We are all the species and life forms and the world is the forest itself.

At this moment I’m sitting before the campfire with a cup of coffee that was brewed over the flames, and a cigarette. I’m in my camp chair with a blanket around my shoulders and writing in my journal. Everything is so peaceful, even though the forest is loud with life. Hasty, Patrick, and Pete are around the fire as well and no one is talking. We are all just basking in the moment and enjoying the purest serenity.

It’s great to be back in nature after being in Seattle. I love city life, but nature replenishes my soul and inspires me to live a good life because it gives my spirit hope by encompassing it with the beauty of the natural world. Once I get back to the city, I’ll need a drink again, or drugs. But since we’ve been in the forest, in retrospect, I realize that I’ve actually had fleeting moments when drinking or drugging or even sex never crossed my mind. First time on the trip. It’s my internal connectedness and contentedness that will help me battle my external requirement for immediate gratification or escape. There are no demons here as my mind has recovered temporarily from all the distractions and superficial fixations. Even those regarding Emma. Essentially I only want her to be happy. I had foolishly convinced myself that I could make her happy, but in reality I think I would only make her miserable. Therefore, it would be pure selfishness for me to pursue her. I think that now, yet once I get back home, I may change my mind. My rationalizing about it makes me think that because I love her so much, my goal would be to do everything for her, I’d worship her and treat her like a queen. She’s the kind of girl that deserves to be and should be treated like a queen. I’ve never truly voiced these feelings to her, maybe that’s the problem. Maybe if she only knew. It doesn’t feel superficial, it feels genuine. Yet the more I think and write about it, the more confused I become. So I was experiencing clarity, until I started to think. Yeah, I’ll change the subject now.

Never mind, I think I’ll set the journal aside and enjoy the quiet with my friends. It is pure peace.

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