Sunday, December 28, 2014

Existentialism for beginners: Identity

In high school, identity was easy. I liked Joy Division, black coffee, Nietzsche and pretty much hated everything else, so I identified as a goth. I say "identified as" and not "became" because I couldn't afford to buy my own clothes and instead had to settle for machine-dyeing black whatever clothes my mom bought me. Still, I didn't give the issue much thought, because I knew that as soon as I'd grow up I'd be free to become whatever I wanted, and then my life would finally begin.

Little of what I knew would prepare me for the radical freedom that adulthood would bring, and the discovery that, dude, the options really were limitless, only now the stakes would be much higher, and I'd still have absolutely no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up.

There are some contenders though.

World traveler/backpacker nomad

Pros:
Would satisfy need fueled by cultural trope that full life = seen world.
Needs change.

Qualifications:
Experience with backpacking around Europe, liked it.

Cons:
Hates flying. Also afraid of change. Experience acquired while following Placebo on their 2007 Meds tour where entire time in Athens was spent lying in hot sun on mountaintop for 12 hours hoping to get to front row. Did not make it to front row due to severe dehydration. Probably not representative.

Qualifications:
Snarky. Flunked out of multiple art schools. Likes coffee, David Cronenberg and made it all the way through 'À bout de souffle' that one time without falling asleep.

Cons:
Despises Apple products. Also still annoys little sister while walking around town by repeatedly pointing at people and asking if they are "emo". Not very much in touch with throbbing pulse of contemporary culture.

Cons:
Someone already is Dave Eggers. Magazine consisted of stack of photocopies mainly distributed among fellow stoners. Highlights included custom captions for Miffy illustrations that seemed to suggest that drug abuse is anything to laugh about and a recurring story about a knight who repeatedly sodomized a horse. Website taken offline after cease and desist from creator of Miffy. Probably not the same.

Pros:
Could finally do away with hopeless attempts at looking like an adult and instead exclusively wear clothing with Game of Thrones house sigils on it.

Qualifications:
Already owns several items of clothing with Game of Thrones house sigils on them. Built own custom gaming rig even if this required holding up motherboard with boobs while attaching CPU back plate. Strangely proud of this part especially.

Cons:
Too easy.

Would require:
Giving up on dreams of being special/cool/important/Dave Eggers

Yeah, thought about that too. Probably that's exactly what makes being a gamer too easy! Imagine being limited to only one avatar. I would never be able to choose between the backpacker nomad and the pinterest mom... :/ ;P

Pinterest Mom has over 300 stamina and +50% mana regeneration when dual casting, yet Backpacker Nomad has a +30% buff to all bartering transactions and heightened chance of rolling a critical hit. Choose wisely.