British police have today joined forces with officers in the United States investigating the untimely death of Andy Williams, the popular singing star. Williams, who like many other great musical figures has not made it past his mid-eighties and has joined what some on-line commenters call “the octogenarian club”, died suddenly after what some have called a protracted illness.

British police have stressed that the appearance of Paul Gambaccini on the airwaves immediately after the death of Williams fitted with an earlier course of conduct after the sudden unexplained deaths of other pop music figures in their mid eighties, as well as the untimely deaths of people who were a little younger. An officer, who did not wish to be named, remarked that Gambaccini’s tour of the media studios was “suspicious” and called for the public to be “vigilant”.

“We all know what goes on here,” said the officer. “After spending all of his money on bananas and carpet cleaner, Gambaccini needs the fees from TV and radio appearances discussing the death of recently deceased pop icons to support his 1001 carpet cleaner habit. All members of the public should keep an eye for Gambaccini in their area, and if any pop star sees Gambaccini in his or her vicinity he or she should immediately contact the police and seek protection. If you are out and about and he is near your car – centrally lock the doors and do not allow him to gain entry to your vehicle. It’s for your own good folks. This reign of terror may never end unless you’re all sensible.”

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