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I have been seeing someone for 4 months, and been exclusive for over 3 months. I have been wondering where things stand now and have brought it up a couple of times. I know I’m more invested than him and I know my feelings are stronger but am I expecting too much for him to know for sure whether he wants a relationship with me?

We are both time limited so only have alone time every two weeks (and no overnights) but we spend a lot of time together with our kids (who don’t know yet) so it’s slow and a bit secret.

I don’t know whether things are progressing slowly on his side because we have limited time or because he doesn’t want a relationship. The thing is, he also doesn’t know that. I know he’s been hurt and is scared (who hasn’t) and I know men process things differently from women.

I’m finding it difficult because we have such a strong connection and are like a couple when we’re together but when we are apart there is little communication (except when we hang out together with our kids), and he finds communicating when we’re not together a chore I think. He likes when we’re together but said that then he feels like he gets to go back to being on his own and called it his safe place! I feel safe when we’re together but confused when apart.

So at the end of our conversation he just asked if we can take it slow. I’m confused and upset. I am falling in love with this guy but feel hurt because I don’t know if will feel the same. I told myself after my marriage breakup that I wouldn’t settle for someone who doesn’t make me feel amazing and show his love to me and now I’m not sure if I’ve done that.

I know he’s capable of these conversations, and I know he wants to work on himself (he wants to talk to his psych about moving on) and is an amazing person. I feel like the choices I have are stay and be happy with what we’ve been doing the past 4 months without expectations or leave (which would tear me apart). I am happy with how things have been – there is no way we could physically spend more time together but I need more of the emotional connection during the apart times.

I think I should have shares in this book as I recommend it to so many people. It’s called: He’s just not that into you. Not the movie, the book. It helped me so much when I was in a similar relationship. Basically, if he’s not sooooo into you that he can’t stop wanting to see, chat and be with you, that’s not enough and not what you deserve.

Thanks ladies, not what I wanted to hear but maybe what I need to hear. I just looked up that book and read some sample chapters, wow, it could have been speaking directly at me! I still don’t think I’m ready to call it quits, there’s too much good stuff there, I think? 😩

He’s definitely not feeling the same way towards you. Don’t spend time deluding youself into thinking he has genuine feelings for him. You’re making a lot of excuses for him which is concerning. Let him go before you fall in love with him otherwise he will definitely hurt you. You do not deserve that. There is someone out there for you!

tbh hun he’s not ready to commit to you. The feelings are not mutual and on this journey, you are the only one who is in love. He probably hasn’t fully moved on and still tied up in the past. I suggest not to push it because at the end you’re only one who will get hurt. Cut it while you still can and while you still haven’t fallen so deep. Guys like him can never make you happy no matter how strong your connection is with him.

Thank you ladies, you’ve definitely helped me realise that if I want a relationship with this guy it’s not going to happen and I need to walk away. I guess I just need to figure out if that’s what I want or if I’m happy to keep it casual and enjoy seeing him occasionally and have the benefit of sex and affection too.