2) Seek first to understand – What does a good day look like? Or a bad day? Try to understand the other person:

What makes her win?

What did we learn in these stories?

What does success look like?

What does failure look like?

What are they afraid of?

People will not have a good conversation if there is: fear, pain or prejudice. We tend to create fear, which creates unnecessary stress and affect our health. Why do zebras not have ulcer; they only worry when lions are chasing them.

Rhythm – watch for patterns (i.e: every 6 months for a promotion) Ask your champion: What does it take for me to get to the next level. Watch for body language, do a collaboration; ‘Let’s all success together.’

If it doesn’t work out; walk away. Walking away is also a skill and strength.

Discussion points:

Q1 – Elaborate on experience in Sillicon valley – if somebody moves to S.V. Rent is very high, cost of living is much higher. If asked what is the current salary – say it is not relevant, but want to look into the whole package. Always ask for everything, be ready to walk away. Know what you need and want. Very dynamic place, people keep jobs for about 2 years.

Q2 – Ratio male/female in teams – depend on the area, marketing, design, depends on the company. Go to company that cares.

Q3 – Experience about being in the meeting and being interrupted. Different experiences – waiting until everybody spoke and saying the one thing that was not said. Going to the person who interrupted after and discussing the matter. Example of the teacher who did not listen to women – find an ally to amplify the voice, the teacher in example relearned to listen to women. Creating allies; soft approach.

Q4 – In Ormgun, man swear. Christine did not like much the language. At one moment decided she is done with the language. He problem is, the workplace is saying not to have emotions, the social environment is saying to be emotional, which is causing cognitive dissonance. Needs to be addressed directly and dealt with.

Q5 – Dealing with difficult people – walk away from crazy.

Q6 – Difficult conversations – have the hard conversations as soon as possible.

Q7 – Hitting the glass ceiling – idea appropriation at the workplace. Need to decide what is more important, impact or credit. What when you cannot get promoted any more, find the reason. Find a mentor; find a more female friendly company.{ Google HR + job descriptions, discrimination for articles from Harvard business schools.} Find a champion.