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Sure, winter can be super sexy if you have a working fireplace and some kind of faux fur rug, but for those of us in old, drafty houses or poorly heated apartment buildings, we’re going to need to get creative.

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If October has you feeling antsy, resist the urge to change too much too soon. There’s a lot to be learned this month—especially about your love life and what you need from a relationship—if you can quiet your head long enough to listen to your heart.

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Your partner makes a move with all the lights on, and suddenly all you can think is “they’re going to see my stretch marks.” Wouldn’t it be nice if instead you could be thinking about what feels good and how to get more of it?