Saturday, June 16, 2012

In a bizarre twist of re-enactment fate a 200 year old home was razed to the ground in Westerphile county today when some war of 1812 celebrations got out of control. A generously funded re-enactment by overzealous Conservative supporters, feeling flush with righteousness, whiskey, matches and serviceable fire-arms, led to a march upon the home of some Liberal supporters. Before the first match was lit the revelers managed to reach the Prime Minister by phone and he wished the conflagration Godspeed. After the fire was put out the PMO issued a statement that the Prime Minister has a majority and that opposition houses may be burned when necessary for the sake of the economy. It would appear that this time around the usurper is from within. The PMO denies this, and they also deny denying it. This report is to be burned. If it is found unburned in the hands of anyone they are to be burned along with the report.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Thursday, January 13, 2011

The mind trapped in the body like thatit goes without saying -a dependent island unto oneself, merelythe sum of one, a whole at leasteven with a zero through your skullthe point blankly is there are gunsin the hands of madmen and Americahas made a symbol of its yearning for violence.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Saturday, November 27, 2010

As the Prime Minister of Canada I would like to apologize to Michael Ignatieff for portraying him as a Yankee when it has been our Conservative policies that mimic those of Republican America. In addition to this self serving behavior I admit we have been soft-soaping taxpayer money for partisan purposes and I apologize most unreservedly for treating governance as a gimmick with which to jimmy open the doors of majority territory while acknowledging that we will continue to do so in the future.

As the Prime Minister of Canada I apologize to the gun registry lobby for a failure to act and I vow to build a majority blockhouse from which to shoot dissenters with my illegal weapons and tiny smile. To Jack Layton I apologize for not growing a moustache myself. To gays and lesbians I ejaculate that our prior beliefs and statements were false and unkind. I apologize to the U.N. for undermining its mandate while asking for an increased role as if the world were indebted to us. And I apologize for my paranoia even though it isn’t paranoia because the world really is full of liberals and foreigners.

And I would like to apologize to the First Nations for apologizing and not meaning it. I would sincerely like to apologize for this death by a thousand cuts. I apologize for the tar sands, dirty oil, and for millions of dead ducks. I apologize for being the second Prime Minister from Calgary following a laissez-faire economic doctrine that inhibits egalitarian policy on every level. I apologize to Alberta for Alberta.

As, the Prime Minister of Canada, I would like to apologize for pretending to be an artist when I am a narrow minded economist with regressive social attitudes pinned to a strictly judgmental and religious fabric of punishment and venality.

And, lastly, I would like to apologize for being really damn boring except when I plunge the country into constitutional crisis for short-term political gain.

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Since we have a Prime Minister that likes to pretend he’s an artist I think all artists should pretend to be Prime Minister. The Right Honourable Kemeny Babineau