Sunday Thought May 17, 2015

Many of us waste time and energy wondering – and worrying – about what other people think of us. Wouldn’t it be liberating to not care?

Caring about others is good of course. Caring for others, their feelings and their wellbeing, putting their needs first when appropriate is a crucial part of a decent society.

But there is a difference between caring for others, and caring so much about what others think it becomes detrimental to your own emotional wellbeing.

When I first read this quote, while I really liked it an initial thought for me was “Eeek! Not everyone will like me?” That’s the people pleaser talking.

Then I realised why would I want everyone to like me? It is a natural aspiration, but it is not possible.

Think about it: by trying to keep everyone happy, and therefore liking you, you are bound to be not meeting your own needs.

It’s about being comfortable with what you look like. If you want to wear something, wear it.

It is about being comfortable with what you are interested in, even if it is something that is not considered ‘cool’ or whatever. If you like it, do it. (With usual caveats about not hurting anyone…).

It is about being comfortable recognising the times when you have to please yourself, do what is right for you and those closest to you.

It is about being comfortable with the recognition that mostly, people are usually too caught up in their own lives to notice or be too bothered with what you are up to.

It is about being comfortable with the knowledge that even if other people are bothered, other people will soon overcome minor offence.

And if they don’t? Some people will like you, others won’t. It is the way of life. Provided you are being a good person, are happy with who you are and what you have done in life, there is no point worrying too much about it. It is probably their problem, not yours.

7 thoughts on “Sunday Thought May 17, 2015”

Totally right. It’s a lesson that takes many of us years to truly learn (if ever). You can’t please all of the people all of the time, so why bother? Far better that friends like you for being you rather than trying to conform to what you think other people want you to be. Trying to be something you’re not for any length of time is emotionally and physically draining because of the effort it takes to maintain the facade. Much better to channel that energy into something more productive. If I’m being honest, I don’t think I really fully understood that until at least my mid-30s.

Absolutely, Tim. As long as we are kind and respectful, there is no point bending over backwards attempting to please everyone because it’s impossible! Funny how this sort of knowledge or wisdom only comes with age…