Tuesday, November 4, 2014

WHAT'S YOUR FANTASY MAN OR WOMAN? Are they real?

Aloha everyone. Thanks
as always for reading. We love you guys on Conversations with Spencer. J Today we’re talking about sexual stereotyping in
its various forms and how they tie in with people’s fantasies.

Why is it okay for a tall
man to go out with a short woman, but people take a second look, the vice-versa?
Why can an older man go out with a younger woman, but reversing it gets a lot
more comments? Would we accuse a younger man of ‘gold-digging’ or going for her
wallet?

Times have changed. Do we find these things
less ‘startling’ now? Are there still some really ingrained sexual stereotypes
we can’t get past?

I’m seeing a huge role
reversal on SM at the moment and wonder idly whether it’s reverse sexism.

Back in the day, we
women used to hate going to guys houses and they’d have girlie magazines
pictures on their walls. In their bedrooms for God’s sake. The comparison was
never flattering. We hated those guys. And it was very one sided. God forbid
that we should do anything like that. In a strike for feminism, my girlfriend
Zak and I took the centerfold out of a Cleo magazine and taped it to our toilet
door.

It was incredibly
boring in reality. Just the years shots of naked men from the back. You
couldn’t see anything interesting. But boy, did that rark up the guys!

They’d come out saying, “Huh, I don’t like your poster much in the toilet.” They’d be
really put out. And yes, they were the girlie poster guys. We decided we didn’t
like those guys much. Their sexist attitude could take a hike. On your bike
mike!

But what I’ve noticed
lately is a flurry of semi-naked or naked men shots on everyone’s SM walls.
From women and gay men alike. I’ve done it myself. Has the pendulum swung and
we’re now doing reverse sexism by having naked and half naked guys plastered
all over OUR walls?

And what do the guys
think about this? Gay guys don’t count sorry. We know what you think? J

Where does the fantasy
start and stop? And what makes any of these fantasies attractive?

When interviewed, gay
men said they actually wouldn’t like to date any of the 12-pack men they ogle
in boyie ‘magazines.’ They’d just like an average guy. Women love big penis
shots, but in real life, that would be uncomfortable and a pain in the arse and
other places after a while.

So Spencer, tell me why
you like tall women? What’s the attraction?

SPENCER:

Had to
think about this for a while. By and large for a guy, bigger is better, up to a
point, of course. Society defers to big men. Studies prove this out in many
ways, maybe most telling is that your average CEO is above normal height. The
Napoleon thing aside, size not only matters for guys, it pays.

Women on
the other hand have a different experience. It's rare to find a woman pleased
with her body or stature. Women want to be noticed but aren't supposed to stand
out. A woman taller than six feet will stand out like a stalk of corn in a
soybean field.

Esquire article, Ann Friedman 2013

Webb found that it isn’t just men lying about their height online, women do, too—to appear shorter. (With good cause: Women over six feet receive forty percent fewer messages on OkCupid than their 5’4” counterparts.) Ask any super-tall woman about her dateless teenage years and the number of times a well-meaning adult said to her, “The boys are just intimidated by you.” Taller is mannish. Taller is… weird.

More
challenging, women typically do their most serious growing before boys, so they’ll
stand out more boldly during those socially awkward tween and teen years. Above
six feet three it gets harder to fit physically into the world, seats, beds,
clothes, living spaces. So when I see a tall woman who projects herself with
confidence, moving through the world with grace, still projecting female
allure, that's amazing and sexy to me. The fantasy is 'what would it be like to
make love to a woman like that?'

The
premise of my latest story, "Love Above See Level" explores this
fantasy. In the story, my male MC is smitten by a woman, six feet-seven inches
tall, who he sees paddle-surfing at his local surfers hangout. He decides he
wants to make a play for her attention and off we go.

When my
children were young I worked at out local YMCA. One of the many part-time
employees there was a woman who was nearly six feet-five inches tall. One day
when I came in to set up for my program there was a note from her introducing
herself as "Karen, the tall one". She went on to let me know she had
borrowed some of my supplies for the nursery, where she worked, and she would
replace them. The next time I saw her I commented that most of us go through
life wondering what people might notice about us and with her there was no
doubt. That makes for a very different life.

Meg, this
is totally different from your original point of the discomfort women felt when
surrounded by pictures of attractive nude or semi nude women like the ones you
post on your "Red Head" site.

I chuckle
at the way my world has turned. The private Facebook site for the authors of my
publisher is almost entirely women. They publish pictures of guys with
impossibly well developed bodies in various states of undress along with lewd
comments. I'm more entertained than threatened or intimidated. But believe me I
understand how degrading that must feel when encountered in the work place. I
never have or never will (especially at my age) measure up physically to those
guys.

We've
talked before about my squickyness with M/M. I admit that the pictures of men
in various states of intimacy with other men is a turn off. There is plenty of
that on my authors site as well. There are many women who are fascinated, if
not attracted to gay men. Someone I know writes extensively about that-and with
Pacific Islanders, no less (ahem). So Meg, what's with that?

Dayvid Thomas. He's my new Muse for my new Hawaiian character in HAWAIIAN WARRIOR - the new book I've just started writing. :-)

MEG:

Love is love! J I write about who turns up in my head and wants
their story told. But it’s not just that. Yes, there are a large sector of us
women who LOVE gay romances. I think there are a few factors in it. One it’s
damn sexy for we women. Two men being emotionally open and intimate with each
other. We don’t always see that or get that with our hetero men. Well, I do to
a larger degree, because I like metro men and can’t stand non-emotional men.
THEY squick me quite literally. I can’t find anything attractive in them. The
Ken-dollies I call them.

And it’s that funny
thing with people, what’s on the outside is only the package, it’s the gift
inside that counts.

I was once in a group
and kept hearing about this guy they called ‘Cowboy.’ The women loved him! He
was gorgeous, fun, a great person. He was uber-cool because he drove a Chev Impala
(the –seats 6 across the front comfortably kind and American ‘Yank Tanks’ were
sooooooo cool in New Zealand growing up.) He was also in the air force, throw
in a uniform. And he was sexy… apparently. I hadn’t met him.

Anyway, for weeks I’d
heard about this gorgeous guy Cowboy/Nigel was his real name. I got invited
down to the air force bar one day for drinks and Nige was on the bar. I think
my mouth just about dropped to the floor when I saw him.

And not in a good way…

He had on awful denim
jeans (you know the cheap nasty kind) and he had a howdy doody plaid shirt on
(terribly uncool in NZ.) And he had the ‘scrunchy’ face a lot of Gaelic people
have. He was tall, thin, pale and yeah……… not sexy. At all.

I thought, this is THE
Cowboy? Seriously? THE Cowboy everyone’s been raving about, how gorgeous he is,
sexy, fun, funny, great guy. Aha.

Although… he did have
the most beautiful icy blue eyes that when he smiled… bloody hell! They
twinkled and lit up. And when you got talking to him, he was interesting and
fun. He was funny and caring. He was charismatic and enticing…

By the end of the day,
I was in love with him and I thought he was gorgeous… and we ended up together
for a while. J

Another guy I went out
with once… was stunning to look at, but absolutely brainless, humorless, and
downright boring. By the next morning (yes, don’t ask) I thought, just leave.

My sister was staying
with me and she said, “Wow, that guy was gorgeous. Are you going to see him
again?”

I said, “No, he’s
boring, there’s nothing to him.”

She couldn’t understand
it.

So, you see, I
personally want the emotionally available male. And gay men often are that. They’re
‘feminized’ men, not in a flouncy way, but emotionally we get to see who they
are. And that’s incredibly sexy and inviting because they show us their
emotions, their vulnerabilities. They open up and let us in…

Plus, it’s sexy, a wee bit
naughty. You get two men being emotionally open and intimate to varying
degrees. You get incredibly hot male/male sex. You get two penises, two set of
balls and for me…. Two sets of lovely black pubic hair… Hot damn!

We women have been on
the outside of men’s emotional processes for so long that these books feed us in
many ways. We like our gay male friends. They talk to us about EVERYTHING. They
tell us all their emotions. They talk openly about sex and aren’t shy on
details. They share things with us. In short, they’re the perfect man… only one
teeny weeny tiny thing that’s missing. They also like men. Damn.

Also for me on a
personal level, I write male/male because I hate the prejudice out there and
the gay bashers. I hate racism. I write what I stand for. Nearly all my books
have some mention on racism in them. I hate it. I hate homophobia. I don’t
understand it. So, it’s another way for me to support gay rights. There are a
lot of layers to this for me.

SPENCER:

I think
the important thing is fantasy. It's just fantasy. Fantasy is often derided but
fantasies help us set boundaries. My thing about tall women is a fantasy. It's
not something I act on. However as I've said before, one great thing about
being an erotic romance author is that I can make love to any woman I want and
my wife couldn't care less. (And, more fantasy...the object of my desire likes it
:) ) "Love Above See Level" is about trying to bring my fantasy about
tall women to life.

I see all
this posting stuff as a healthy sign that fantasy is still alive. The premise
of the delightful children's movie, "The Never Ending Story" is, the
force of unspeakable evil, "The Nothing" seeks power by robing the
world of fantasy. "People without hope are easy to control." Chillingly
accurate for the world at large today or for the inner world of someone
suffering from depression.

I see our
job and our great public service as keeping fantasy alive in a way that is
uplifting.

The
question always comes around of who would star in the movie version of your
story? I don't think there are any women actresses six-feet-seven inches tall
but Hollywood is good fooling with our perception. My first choice would be a
young Sigourney Weaver. While she is only six feet tall so many leading men are
short (think Tom Cruse) she towers over them. She's smart, elegant and
wonderfully proportioned for a tall woman.

I think
for the guy it is someone laid aback but sensitive like Matthew McConaughey.

I am open
to suggestions. Maybe our readers have some ideas.

Meg you
really have a challenge casting for your stories. "Brokeback
Mountain" did a lot for gay roles and stories in the movies but I think a
lot of actors would be nervous about the roles.

MEG:

I’m not sure that’s
true in this day and age. A role is a role for a thespian. If you’re a good
actor and a mature person, you’ll like the challenge of what that role might
bring to you. And Hollywood is one of the most progressive places now for gay
actors and actresses. Gone are the old days of lauding a film star as hetero if
they’re not—thank goodness. It must have been living hell for the old thespians
of old who were gay or lesbian. Imagine having to live a lie every day of your
life. Never being able to do the normal things we take for granted as opposite
sex couples. Something as simple as holding hands or a nice kiss would have
been out of the question.

I saw a movie called A Single Man with Colin Firth. It was absolutely heartbreaking. A gay man’s
partner dies back in the fifties or sixties and no one acknowledges it. He’s
not allowed to go to the funeral. It tore at me. If what I write can open any
doors up in people’s mind, then I’m glad. I want people to know that love is
love. And no matter what your fantasy or preference, it’s all okay. You are
accepted at my house any time.

Thanks as always for
reading. I think we have rambled a bit today. LOL. But at the very least go if
you have a fantasy of a tall woman, go and grab a copy of Spencer’s new book Love Above See Level.

A beach bum/surfer is smitten by a woman six feet seven inches tall. But can his infatuation turn to love above see level?

Clayton Stoner is a blond, bronzed, hard-bodied, beach bum/surfer living the life of a thirty-one-year-old Peter Pan in a tiny oceanside cottage near St. Augustine, Florida. One calm Sunday, he sees a strikingly beautiful woman who is six feet seven inches tall taking paddle surfing lessons at the local surfer's beach. He is immediately smitten, but unable to get her attention when he encounters her at a nearby convenience store, and again, later that day, as she is running along the beach where he is relaxing.

They finally connect when he is sent to do plumbing repair work at the beach cottage she is renting. She continues to spurn his friendly advances. It looks hopeless for him until fate intervenes. But can a laid-back surfer and a woman driven by career achievement see eye to eye well enough for a long-term relationship?

Excerpt

A light offshore breeze did little to dry the sweat on our brows as we sat on the front porch of my beach cottage, transfixed by the surf. Our suits were still wet from our frustrating day trying to ride waves that wouldn't form. Nothing dries in North Florida humidity except throats after a day of sun and surf. My buddy Smitty and I were several beers in before I finally broke the ice.

"So, Smitty, what do you do when you find your eyes are at tit level with a beautiful woman?"

"My eyes are always at tit level with women."

"Asshole, I'm not talking about where your eyes are looking. I'm talking about height. What if your eyes were only as high as a woman's breasts?"

"Are these breasts sagging down to her belly button?"

I made a cross with my fingers and held it up to him, hoping his flesh would burn. "No, in fact, they were small and pushing straight out. She was very trim."

"If you had leaned forward, would you have got one nipple in each eye?"

9 comments:

Meg, as usual your selection of photos adds so much to these fun conversations. I am absolutely in love with the woman in the first picture walking the beach. It must be Vanessa Cunningham (my female MC) in the flesh.

Aloha Spencer!! :-) I'm so glad you liked the piccies. I really hoped that woman on the beach would hit the spot for you. :-) I reckon she could be all of that height... I was so glad to find the piccie for you :-) Vanessa!!

Loved this post! First one EVER to pose this 'problem'! I'm 5'11" tall ... have always been taller than all of the guys & dead last in all lines by height & back row because of height .. unless getting the award ... then had to hunch over & smallest peeps were told to straighten up beside me so we were even! I played all sports ... guard in basketball ... setter in volleyball ... other girl ... 3" shorter than I ... was the spider & center ... because she could jump & I mean HIGH! We complemented each other in all of the sports we played so I never felt singled out until off the court when the bullying & name calling started. My Dad gave me extraordinary insight & advice ... which I followed until a short ex Marine got in my I'll brothers face & I picked him up by his necktie ... toes dangling & pushed him into our brand new school soda machine. Then it got quiet & the bullying stopped! Nobody I traveled with ever got messed with either. I rode horses ... played male & female roles as a stunt woman & that acceptance by adults validated me. I modeled for local stores, etc. & finally realized I was doing stuff nobody else was doing. Have me pause. Never figured it was my height but can look back & recognize the day I stood up straight & walked forward into my own life! It's true .. I wanted & got 2 6'4" husband's ... but it was the interior that attracted me. I used to hate sitting at a dance & a short guy would walk up & ask me to dance & I could tell he had been put up to it .. so I would say ... sorry, no thank you but I would love a drink & sit & talk with you. After we would get comfortable .. I would point blank ask him if he knew how tall I was. Interesting how getting to know a person changes there perception! My husbands & I loved to dance (major prerequisite of dating) & they could dance! Patrick Swayze dance! And the ladies would ask me if they could dance with them! Told them they would have to ask him. They would always oil to see if I cared ... never did ... knew we would be dancing the next dance. Of course men would come up to me & I would say You realize how tall I am! Yepper ... they did ... so I've had cigars & cigs & heads nestled right there! My husbsnds would smirk & chuckle with me I over the heads of others. How you perceive yourself tells you how you perceive others. A confident man or woman doesn't see height as a label or a description. It"s not 'seen' at all. Sorry for the long story. Love this post from Alaska

Aloha Ann!! :-) Thanks so much for your terrific comment! :-) No worries about the auto correct. LOL. I'm so used to my own balls up that I read right over that stuff now. LOL. and I keep saying... MUST stop sending messages on my phone! LOL

We just appreciate you coming over, reading and commenting. :-)

Wow... how cool. I love your story. It so neat to hear from a tall woman and your perspective on the world. Spencer will love this. Still snorting with laughter over the tie incident. Yes, it usually only takes one person to stand up to a nasty bully and funnily enough, they all back down.

I also loved your dancing story... Oooh.. how lovely. I agree on the major prerequisite of dating! A man who can dance... and in the kitchen.. and well, anywhere really. :-) I believe Spencer is also a very good dancer.

I love your perspective on the things you've been able to do because of your height. And you have to know that someone like me at 5 foot 5 is incredibly envious!! If I could have stretch racked myself to 5 foot 7 even, but preferably 8, I would have loved it.

You've done some fabulous things. Wow...stunts! How cool. And you've modeled. How neat is that.

Flying a plane without the added height is a pain in the bum.. planes are built for tall people. And I have very long legs for my height. I always was completely envious of Lucy on NYPD Blues.She was a tall blond cop and I loved watching the way she carried herself. It was wonderful.

Thanks so much for your comments and all your stories. Very interesting! We appreciate it. :-)

Ann:Thank you so much for your story. If you ever read "Love Above Sea Level", I think you'll love Vanessa Cunningham, she is you. She loves dancing. An author's greatest hope is that a story will touch readers hearts the way this post has touched yours.

Ann, my wife is six feet and she can relate with much of what you just said (except for the dancing). The only aspect of being tall that may bother her is her feet. Being six feet tall her feet are going to be larger than most. She also told me when we first started dating she hated dating guys shorter than her. Thankfully im 6'1. :)

Wow...Spencer is going to be dying to meet your wife now Daily... and of course ... you. :-) Wow, so you guys are almost the same height. I wish I was taller. I am quite envious of taller people. I don't necessarily feel feminine being average height. I feel boring. LOL. But the shoes thing would bother me.

My niece is about 5 foot 10 and she has a hell of a time getting decent shoes.

I just sneak in at a size 9. Anything over that and it would be more difficult. So I can sympathize.

Meg:We're the last ones to know it's raining but the first ones to know it's a flood.

My wife is 5' 4" and curvy like the pics you publish. She has the cutest little feet. I've told her she should become a foot model. If I was a foot fetish guy I'd be publishing pics all over the internet

My website ~ TROIKA ROMANCE

About Me

Aloha! I'm Meg Amor. I'm a writer, healer, Bohemian and Question Authority person from New Zealand but my American home state is Hawai'i. *** My life's work is about healing on every level possible. Whether I'm writing sensuous romances or helping people get well by looking at the emotional patterns causing illness. *** Amor Vincet Omnit — Love Conquers All — I believe in love and romance, and healing our heart and souls on every level we can. Whatever I can do to aid that, I'll do.