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Sunday, 5 December 2010Sunday, 5 December 2010

Thanksgiving: Giving Thanks to Heartache

As Thanksgiving came and went, my thoughts naturally turned to what I’m grateful for in life. As I reflected on where I was a year ago (heartbroken, overweight, unhappy, frustrated), I realize that I am grateful for all the bad things that happened to me especially the heartache. I know that sounds weird but bare with me.

Through my worst moment I was able to come out renewed, appreciative and wiser. I figure if bad things don’t happen then we can’t grow and we don’t realize what is good until we’ve seen the worse.

My heartache, forced me to value myself. When I saw how badly a man could treat me, I realized he was only treating me that way because I allowed him to and when I realized that he wasn’t even on my level, I appreciated and celebrated all my accomplishments. When I saw that he wasn’t focused on me, I realized that I have to focus on myself.

I know that heartache is an immense pain but I know the pain was necessary for me to leave behind insecurities and negativity. It was a guarantee that I would never let someone hurt me that way again.

I say this because I believe that this is the right attitude to take when you break up with someone. A learning experience. Learn from the hurt and learn from the relationship so that you can grow as an individual and you’ll never give someone an open door to hurt you again. Let a breakup be a moment of clarity and not of darkness.

What are you grateful for in your relationship history? How do you think a breakup should be approached? What have you learned about yourself after a breakup?

I can totally relate to the feeling. When I was having Thanksgiving meal with my friends this year, I couldn’t help remember my state last year (post-breakup). I think I am so much stronger and confident after going through the phase. I know now that I will never let anybody take advantage of me and insult me the way he did. I know that I can pull myself through the worst. More importantly I know now who are really my friends and who will stand by me when I need them, and who will disappear/gossip and then try to come back when things get ‘quiet’. Now I don’t waste my time on such fake ‘friends’, instead I devote myself to what matters to me, because I live for myself and for my happiness.

Perfectly said…can totally relate…I think everything we go thru in life…no matter what type of pain it is (heart break, financial woes, etc) is meant to teach us something. Pain pushes you out a pattern that was destructive in the first place. It helps you evaluate your life and you realize that everything you are going through you have done to yourself. Especially when it comes to relationships. I believe we attract what we believe about ourselves and we put up with things because we don’t feel worthy of anything else. Heart break is a blessing because it really teaches us to be careful who we give our hearts to.

Omg, this completely hit a nerve with me too. In a good way! This was my year of casual dating. Came out of a 8 year ltr and learning how to date again, what and what not to do, amoung other things, have come a long way in such a short period of time. It’s funny but the biggest thing I’ve learned is how to have sex like a guy. In the sense of having sex with a man but not falling in love with him. I’ve learned that real relationships take time to develop and months to create and you shouldn’t say the “L” word under three months of dating a guy. I don’t set the “L” word as a “rule” but a general guideline to make sure what I’m really feeling is genuine and not lust. It’s gotten to the point where I laugh at other women (and my ex) when they say they’re “in love” with someone they’ve known for two weeks. I dunno if that’s made me colder/harder or just more realistic?

I’m sure it’s a combination. You’re harder and more realistic and that’s perfectly acceptable. When you get hurt you need to learn how to protect yourself. Being realistic doesn’t equate to cynicism, it’s called learning the realities of life. I think you’ve learned some useful lessons being able to enjoy a man’s company without putting yourself in a vulnerable position is crucial because everyone doesn’t deserve your heart!