Santa: All I Want For Christmas Is A VertiPod

This is the Geekologie writer. I donâ€™t want to waste any of your time, but I thought you might want to know what I want for Christmas. All I want is a VertiPod. I know what youâ€™re thinking, the name is dumb as hell -- but I can look past that. It's a personal hovercraft! It hovers 5-15 feet above the ground and can reach a top speed of 40mph. Wow! They come as an assemble-yourself kit with either petrol or ethanol engine (I'll take the ethanol). The cost is about $10,000, but apparently they're not on the market yet. Having been such a good boy this year I though that you could get together with the Easter Bunny and maybe steal me the prototype or something. I swear I'll cut down on the penis jokes and cheating behind my girlfriend's back. I may even give up drinking. Okay, not the drinking. What do you say? Listen Santa, I've already pounded a fifth of bourbon writing this and I'm getting pretty worked up. I'm not asking for the VertiPod anymore, I'm demanding it. You will bring me that VertiPod or I'll slice your package off. You know, the one you haven't seen in years because you're such a fat bastard. I've caught word that Mrs. Claus is completely unsatisfied. S you know I'm totally gonna lay the hump down on her. Hell, we may even have a sex party with some elves and reindeer. So yeah, one VertiPod please.