First day back!

Well I returned to work on Monday, it all felt so normal, like I'd never been away. At first I sort of resented that, as it seemed like life was trying to ignore the last 3 weeks, but then I thought actually this might make things a little easier, what with no reminders and such.

But it wasn't long before a couple of colleagues came over to see how I was doing and pass on their condolences. This sort of got a mixed reaction from me. I was touched that people were making the effort, but it also made me very emotional, because it was forcing me to think about what had happened, why I had been away. Fortunately, not many people were aware and because my job usually requires me to be out of the office weeks at a time, many people thought I was just off on another one of my trips. ( I will be forever thankful for this).

I'm now half way through the week, and although everything has pretty much slipped back into the usual routine, the one thing I am really struggling with is focusing on doing any bloody work. I've got a to-do list as long as my arm, but I just can't motivate myself to work through it. I'm not sitting here being maudlin, I'm just daydreaming or reading various articles on the web, or chatting to colleagues, but not really getting a lot of work done. so then I start to feel guilty that I'm letting my boss down, he's been absolutely brilliant through all of this, but I'm just not interested in work.

Anyway, thoughts-dump over. Just wanted to voice what's going on with me at the moment. I hope you guys don't mind. I've never been one for writing a journal as I didn't see the point because it doesn't get read, but there's something very therapeutic about writing stuff on here. I guess its because I know that if I'm being silly someone here can point out the error of my ways.

Hi Chocky,My first week at work was hideous (as has been the second & third) so I know how hard it can be. I still can't concentrate properly and sit and stare at the calender thinking about things. So I don't think what you are describing sounds unusual and I don't think your boss would exect you to be back to normal yet. I was on a course last night and I had to try really hard to concentrate on what was being said. My mind just keeps wondering.You may find one day things seem to be ok and then the next day reminders spark of your emotions again.Glad to hear writing on here helps! It can help to read other peoples experiences too I find!Lilou xx

Glad it wasn't as bad as you thought it could be and just take your time i think it takes all of us a while to adjust back to work. I kinda felt like nothing really mattered for ages and even though i had tons of work it took a while to get back into it! Love Renap.s I love the word thoughts-dump and think i might steal it!!!!

I don't work so can't imagine how difficult it must be going back. But I think lack of conentration is a normal side effect of feeling low and grieving. I am sure you'll get back into the swing of things soon.

Just wanted to send you some (((((hugs))))) too.

Take care, love NN xx

p.s - that's why I love keeping my online blog, beause others who are in the same sitution can read along and offer me their advice and support!

I went back to work on Monday too after having had two weeks off. I found my first day really upsetting. Kept thinking that the last time I was here I was a different person, I had my secret little baby with me and now I've got nothing. A couple of the girls I'd told came across to see me which set me off.

I'm exactly the same - just can't get motivated to do anything. Find myself wondering around the office or just sitting doing bugger all. I run the Conveyancing Department at work and I just can't be arsed with clients ringing in wanting to know what's happening with their sale or purchase. I suppose I should be grateful there's been a bit of a housing slump because luckily I'm not as busy as I would have been this time last year when the phone rang non stop.

I just feel like I'm merely functioning at the minute.

Hope you have a nice relaxing weekend and that maybe next week will be better for you, x

I'm so glad its Friday. The rest of the week as been pretty much the same as the start. I've not been so emotional, but still haven't really got back into the swing of things either.

Definitely not firing on all cylinders, but I guess that is no surprise. My boss seems quite content to just let me plod along at the moment, but I'm not sure how long he is going to be prepared to put up with that.

Ah well, at least I now have a break for two days. Then we'll see how next week goes.

When I went for counselling and discussed this lack of focus, and general my head not functioning well I was told about a sort of scientific explanation.

When shit happens (shock , berevement...) there is a chemical change in your brain and these chemicals supress your natural endorphins (hence not being able to find things funny/ feel positive etc.) the theory goes that until the chemicals in your head are rebalanced (which, surprise, surprise, only time can do) you are likely to be a bit fuzzy and generally not very dynamic.

It's one way to look at it, whether it bears up under scientific scrutiny or not, if it helps any of you them I'm glad to share.