Overall I have to say that it came out quite good - I actually laughed several times.
Memorable / very well done parts:
- Snape casting the killing curse and Harry's comments on Ron dodging it.
- Dumbledore's words when he comes upon Harry (paraphrasing here, but - yelling, violence and general mayhem; naturally you were the first person I thought of Harry)
- Dumbledore's complete uselessness.
- the second twenty minute wait (first one was ok, but it was really funny when Harry was hanging for his life and had to wait another twenty minutes to get his broom)
Critique:
- Some spelling errors ( ungratefull instead of ungrateful really caught my attention as it is all caps near the end)
- several sections can be written differently so as to make the general flow better ("Harry panicked, walking over to his professor" would be better if written as "Now sufficiently panicked, Harry waked over to his professor" or even "Panicking, Harry walked over to his professor")
- also: "Hmmm," Dumbledore said. Harry threw up his hands in exasperation and Stunned Dumbledore. Not that he would be any help anyway. - This does not seem to flow well. Perhaps something like this: "Hmmm," Dumbledore said. Throwing up his hands in exasperation Harry raised his wand and stunned Dumbledore. Seriously, it wasn't as if he would have been of any help anyway.
- finally, in the second last paragraph you have: Then, Snape asked, in his usual foul-tempered voice, "..." He said, catching sight of his now extremely greasy hair in a mirror on the wall. besides the asked-said conflict (you have 'he asked' followed by "..." and finish off with 'he said', thus referencing it twice), I would suggest something along the lines of "What the bloody hell happened here?" Snape asked, in his usual foul-tempered voice. Catching sight of his now extremely greasy hair in a mirror on the wall he continued with perchance a hint of bewilderment: "And why does my hair look so good?"
- Saienai

All right, so I actually found that more disturbing than funny. But if you enjoyed writing it then I say kudos.

L chapter 1 . 6/12/2011

SATANS' ASS CRACK?

prrt... rotflmfao! thats hilarious!

you, my dear, have both a crazy mind and imagination, and for that you have my respect.. harrys' reaction to a crazy snape is great! the hate at dumbledore for stealing his post as a pimp is also crazy, althiugh I've never though about it...snape a pimp I mean...although it does have its apeal... ;)