Petaling Jaya (5th November 2011): An Australian newspaper has clarified that its report which stated that beloved Malaysian Prime Minister Datuk Seri Nabij’s daughter had gone on a shopping spree in Perth was not entirely true.

An online portal reported that The Western Australian, in its “Underhanded Corrections and Clarifications” column, admitted yesterday that someone who looked like and sounded like Nabij’s daughter but is not Nabij’s daughter, was in Perth during the Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting (CHOGM). The daily had reported earlier that it was 100% certain that it was Nabij’s daughter who was in Perth.

In a report by the Western Australian on Monday about shopping and sightseeing by CHOGM delegates, it was claimed that a daughter of the Malaysian Prime Minister Nabij Razik spent A$60,000 (RM194,000) at a shopping mall.

“The Western Australian acknowledges that this was not the case and that someone who looked like and sounded like Nabij’s daughter but is not Nabij’s daughter was in Perth at the time,” it said in the correction.

Nabij had also clarified on Twitter, which he sent from an undisclosed hotel room in Port Dickson, that the news was not true but also not false but somewhere in between and could probably be something from the twilight zone.

“Don’t believe and spread lies. You either spread or believe lies. You cannot do both la. I don’t know where my daughter was at the time but my wife did not buy any jewellery,” he said in his tweet on Thursday.

The Underwear Allegedly Purchased by The First Lady

“What she purchased was large sized underwear and lingerie. Yes, she had to spend A$150,000 because large sized underwears are very costly in Perth”

“Why are the Malaysian’s people so nosey about what she does? It is our hard-earned money that she is spending. Why can’t she go on shopping spree as she pleases? Can’t she even buy large sized underwear without causing a stir? She is big so she needs large sized underwear. Please understand!” he tweeted.

Seri Kembangan (5th November 2011): Politicians must learn to deal with change if any country in the world hopes to see through its transformation plans, said great Malaysian corporate leader Tan Sri Muneer Mujid.

Tan Sri Muneer Mujid

Muneer, who was has lead several major corporations in Malaysia, albeit the wrong way, stressed that the greatest challenge the world faced today was what he termed as “political change management”. This brilliant term, was coined by him to address the weakness he has uncovered with politicians the world over, after spending years analyzing himself and the world political landscape.

Taking the example of the Arab Spring, which saw the overthrow of dictatorships in several countries in the Middle East, he said there were common problems globally where obsolete and irresponsible political and corporate practices clashed with ever-changing business and societal needs. He likens this scenario to his very own experience at MAS.

“Politicians don’t know how to manage change properly,” he said at the World Chinese Economic Forum yesterday. “Please come and speak with corporate leaders like me and I will advise you how it is done,” he continued.

Muneer, speaking at a session titled “How To Speak About Transformation When Not Having Done It Yourself When You Had The Chance – The MAS Skrew-Up” pointed out that political change management was critical to ease in the many other elements of a nation’s transformation plan.

The Bank Mamakluat chairman commended Malaysia’s efforts to set benchmarks for its current transformation plan, but noted that it still leaved much to be desired in realising its goals. He said he is speaking from his own experience, having done the same.

“Not sometimes but all the time, Malaysia is good at sloganeering, but never in execution,” he said. “This is the same case with me but we are not talking about me right now, are we?” he said concluding his speech.

This is another product introduced by the beloved Prime Minister under his 1Malaysia line of products. Among other products recently introduced under the 1Malaysia brand includes the 1Malaysia Meal, 1Malaysia Menu, Kedai 1Malaysia, 1Malaysia Housing Program, 1Malaysia Clinic and others.

The 1Malaysia Meal Coupon

The 1 Malaysia Meal Coupon can be purchased by all Malaysian from post offices nationwide for the price of RM3 per coupon, from 8th November onwards. An individual is only entitled to 5 coupons per week and only Malaysian above the age of 21 years are eligible to purchase these coupons. The coupon will allow Malaysians to purchase meals worth RM13 for the price of RM3 from all participating restaurants.

Several hundred thousand of illegal immigrants, who were recently granted Malaysian citizenship, are also eligible to purchase these coupons, regardless of age. Each immigrant is also entitled to 5 coupons per week but in addition to this they will also receive 5 free coupons which allows them to purchase a slice of one-side buttered bread.

When asked why this additional coupon for new citizens, the Prime Minister replied that this is given as a token to welcome the new citizens and also to remind them which side to lean when the time comes. He didn’t elaborate further.

On the coupon, the beloved Prime Minister is pictured chatting up a cashier and displaying a dish to show Malaysians what they will be entitled for, with the RM3 coupon. He said that the dish, which includes 2 cups of rice, two pieces of chicken, fried beef, bean sprouts and papadam, and with an actual cost of RM13, will be made the official 1Malaysian Meal and will complement the 1Malaysia Meal introduced by KFC. To avoid any confusion, this new dish will be called 1Malaysia Meal 2.0. He also cautioned Malaysians that the cashiers are off-limits.

During his speech, the beloved Prime Minister mentioned that he is constantly thinking about the Malaysian people. And this idea to introduce the 1Malaysian Meal Coupon came like a flash to him. He went on to say that all these efforts undertaken by him and the BN government shows how much they care for the Malaysian people. He reminded Malaysians to count their blessings as he is presently doing at the Holyland.

The launch ceremony was abuzz with the catchy 1Malaysia Meal Coupon phrase “Now everyone can eat”.

BUKIT MERTAJAM (21st October 2011): Datuk M. Salavanan said that the Malaysian Indians are very grateful and indebted to the Malaysian Government and Prime Minister Datuk Seri Nabij for taking firm measures to uplift the economic status of the Malaysian Indian community. When asked how he knows that the Malaysian Indians are grateful to the Malaysian government, he said he can telephatically read the minds of all Malaysian Indians.

Datuk M. Salavanan

MIC vice-president Datuk M. Salavanan said that the community valued Nabij’s efforts in single-handedly lifting the Indians out of poverty over the past 2 years and ensuring they have a better living standard by allocating a lot of funds in the 2012 Budget.

He cited examples of successful Indians such as himself, Datuk Seri S. Semi Value and other prominent MIC members as the result of Barisan’s efforts to uplift the living standards of the Indians.

Salavanan, who is Deputy Minister of Federal Territory and Urban Wellbeing, said this was the first time that the Malaysian Government had set aside RM100mil for Tamil schools and RM500 million for refurbishment of temples nationwide. He said MIC will manage and distribute the funds as deemed fit.

The government has also established the Amanah Ikhtiar fund for the Indians to venture into small businesses such as manufacturing of prayer items, setting up garland & flower makeshift stalls and car-wash centers among others. Apart from that, this fund will be used to organize many singing competition, talent shows and 7 aside football matches.

Deepavali Food Distribution to Indians

He said this during a Deepavali aid presentation of food and prayer items sponsored by MK. Raja brand for the less fortunate here on Wednesday.

He asked the Malaysian Indians to repent and vote for the Barisan Nasional as it is the only coalition that knows how to govern Malaysia and it is the only coalition that knows how to treat the Indians in Malaysia.

“We have rectified all our mistakes where in the past we thought the Indians did not know that we were not doing anything for them. Today we know that the Indians know that we did not do anything for them. So we urge the Malaysian Indians to give us a chance to do something instead of nothing, for them. We can only do something if the Indians vote us in. Otherwise we cannot do anything.”

“The Indians must remember that only MIC & Barisan Nasional knows how to treat the Indians. The Indians must return their support to the MIC and Barisan for successful continuation of this treatment. The continuity of this treatment is important and only the MIC and Barisan Nasional understand how to administer this treatment,” he said.

A priest was about to finish his tour of duty and was leaving his mission in the darkest, most remote part of Brazil where he has spent years teaching the natives right from wrong. Just then he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.

So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, ‘This is a tree.’

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, ‘Tree.’

The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, ‘This is a rock.’

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, ‘Rock.’

The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, they see a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.

The priest is really flustered and quickly responds, ‘Man riding a bike.’

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills the man.

The priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill the man in cold blood that way?

A boy is at school and he hears the older kids talking about pussy, and their bitch. The boy confused by this goes to his mother. “Mom”, the boy asks, “What’s a pussy?”

The mother being startled by this thinks quick and finds the closest dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says “Son, that is a pussy.” the son then asks “What’s a bitch?” The mother again thinking quickly opens to a picture of a dog and says “Son, this is a bitch.”

The son walks away still confused, and sees his father watching television.

The son walks up to his father and says “Dad, what’s a pussy?”

The father doesn’t want to miss the baseball game so he quickly whips out his Penthouse magazine to the centerfold, grabs a marker and draws a circle around the vagina and says “Son, this is a pussy!”

The son, now starting to understand what the older boys are talking about asks “Then, what is a bitch?”

The dad replies, “That’s everything outside the circle!”

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as ‘Euro-English’ .

In the first year, ‘s’ will replace the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard ‘c’ will be dropped in favour of ‘k’. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome ‘ph’ will be replaced with ‘f’. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent ‘e’ in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’.