Dayyuuummm. (Sidenote: sometimes when I write things like “Hottie McHottie” and “Dayummmm” I realize how much I objectify men online. And think it’s okay because I don’t really do it (as much) in real life. But then I realize #thatsnormal and that’s NOT normal to question it. Back to today’s letter…)

The Twilight saga is the gift that keeps giving– we get a new hottie with EVERY MOVIE.

1. In Twilight there was Edward Cullen who won us over with his Ray-bans and amazing apple-catching skills

2. In New Moon there was The Entire Wolfpack (which, we have to confess, included Jacob Black who made us feel less icky about his age (was he legal then? I completely forget) by distracting us with his huge muscles.)

3. In Eclipse there was Riley who we really think died way too soon & we’d love to see him come back in a flashback scene or a new supernatural “Vamp Raised from the Dead” type of character so we can stare at him some more.. oh heyyyy.

4. In The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I we had….. well, since my main memories focus on lots of Edward & Bella sex, I’d have to say we have the return of hot Edward Cullen. Gone were the tweed jackets & wurthers in his pockets. No more Edward Cullen Insurance salesman. He even said good-bye to his hipster youth wearing Members-Only jackets & moved onto a more mature look. And we were okay with that!

5. And now with The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part II we have YOU– Benjamin. Coming at us with your exotic looks– adding a little flavor to the cast of white boys and slightly tanner white boys. (But shout out to you other new hotties: Lee Pace, JD Pardo, and all the ones I’m going to get in trouble for forgetting (too tired to pull up imdb right now)

We got to chat with you, Rami Malek, for another round of “New Faces Fridays” a couple weeks ago. Sadly Moon didn’t get a chance to ask if you saw her waving at you when she ran into at her local Target at LA, so we’ll ask you here– DID YOU SEE MOON? She was the one with the paparazzi lens and a copy of the book “How to capture stars doing mundane daily tasks.” You should’ve said “hey!”

Today Twilight Moms is hosting this interview with Rami Malek, but we are previewing a few questions to get you PSYCHED. (We know you are):

Fansite interview with Rami Malek

Have you gotten to see any of your scenes on film yet- and if so what you thought of the special effects?

“Great question I had an ADR* session, I’m sure you guys are familiar with that right?? (ADR stands for Automated Dialog Replacement) So I got to see some of the temporary effects they weren’t quite done but as far as I was concerned they were good enough for me- they really looked brilliant-vibrant and felt very real- I was happy to see that because there were points that I was concerned about- I’m always concerned watching a movie- when something looks as if it was developed from a computer and you can see when it looks generated by a computer it really takes one out of the film so I was happy to see that it really just looks as if I was doing these in reality”

Stephenie has recently released the “The Twilight Saga: The Official Illustrated Guide” which had a huge backstory between the Egyptian coven and I know we’ve already sampled a little bit of what we are going to see from you-did we get any of that feud with the Volturi history from you guys?

“Well after reading the novel I came to the conclusion that there was going to be a lot of work I had to do because there wasn’t that much said in her novel- so I came up with a lot of ideas and Angela who plays Tia came up with a lot of ideas and we shared them over the course of filming- and when we met Stephenie she was able to give us a real concrete backstory which wasn’t far off from the things that we had created on our own. It was a very special feeling to have that acknowledgement from her that we were on the right track with her story from things that we were coming up with from our own crazy imagination”

Remember when we didn’t know who the guys in the Wolfpack were or who Harry was? And we call them stuff like Nerdy Wolf and Australian dude? Well while I was away it seems like anyone who has ever been cast as a vampire came out to play in the public eye. While I was trying to catch up in the weeks of twi-news I missed, I kept saying WHO is that?! WHO is this?! That albino dude is in Breaking Dawn? So I think it’s time we catch up with the newbs (the ones I care about at least) and give them a little run down on how shiz works around these Twilight parts…

Something's not right here, right???

Vladamir, The albino guy – aka Noel Fisher
I have a lot of questions for this guy… is it bleached? Was he born this way (ain’t no other way)? I thought the Romanian Vamps were HELLA old and creep sauce looking. He may be a tad creeper but he looks 16. More just learning to drive and hide my back-ne then dark forces of the underworld.

Stefan (not Urkel) – aka Guri Weinberg
This dude went on and on about playing some big prank on the set of BD and while I enjoy a good “Go Fuck Yourself” as much as the next person, when I hear “prank” and “Breaking Dawn” in the same sentence I’m hoping some switched out Bella’s cup of fake blood for the REAL thing… or at least have Bill Condon to ask the wolfpack to not rely on CGI but to really bust naked out of their clothes and phase, with a straight face.

Srsly yall, The Pacific, Rami Malek get on this train!

Benjamin, Egyptian Vamp – aka Rami Malek
He’s pretty much the only new Vamp I really care about because he was kick ass in The Pacific, looked freaking cute with his long board in Larry Crowne but really I like him because I saw him on my way to Target a few weeks ago in his black Prius wearing one of those pork pie hats and any vamp who loves the earth and tiny hats is fine by me.

Eleazar – aka Christian Camargo
Clearly, Dexter’s brother is the only other new Vamp I really care about. Too bad his name is Eleazar and not Brian/Rudy the Ice Truck Killer… but I think I’ve waxed eloquently on this topic before.

They all seem to be starting Twitter accounts and tweeting each other and the fans like they’ve been around for decades, even telling Twihards if they’re a REAL fan they’ll follow Volturi Guard number whoever decided to join the twittersphere that week. Um no, actually I am a real fan but I only need one Tinsel Korey tweeting misspelled missives about the end of the world in my feed. One love yall! One of these is more than enough! THANKS!

Do they really think we believe them about being a true fan? Do we care? NO! Have they ever asked Stephenie Meyer to play “Fuck/Kill/Marry” with her own characters? I THINK NOT! And THAT’S how you do it Twilight Vampire newbies… a late welcome to the ‘hood from us.

Runs with Vampires… or something,
Themoonisdown

Do you feel as confused as I am about all these new people? Should I have flashed Rami Malek in his Prius? Yes? know, missed opportunity. And are you a real fan? Enough to follow all these yahoos on Twitter?

Have you felt out of the loop? Summer has been busy, Eclipse left the theater long ago (did it? I have no idea) and Robsten drama is sooooo yesterday’s news no one even cares to talk about them anymore. Well, to my surprise, when I did a little research for today’s letter, I found that, in fact, there is stuff still going on in the fandom. And some of it isn’t boring! Let’s jump right to it:

Ashley Greene films movie called L.O.L. in Paris with Miley Cyrus

I guess this film is about 2 girls who start a sexy girl “Happy Hands” club. I mean what else could it mean when Ashley Greene makes jazz hands while showing off the top of her bra? In other news, Ashley Greene is making awesome career choices. L.O.L.? Miley Cyrus? Seriously? Maybe she just signed on because it’s in Paris & she really wanted an almond croissant. I could understand that.

Rami Malek is cast as Benjamin in Breaking Dawn

And we all scramble to dust off our Breaking Dawn books to remember who in the H Benjamin is so we could sound intelligent when discussing the latest Twi-news around the dinner table. Can’t remember who borrowed your BD book (seriously. who has mine?) I’ll help you out: Benjamin is from the Egyptian coven & is the vampire with the ability to influence the elements: fire, water, earth & air. Oh yeah… him! That’s what I said when I first found out who he was. I was in a sarcastic tone because seriously. I barely remember him. I guess it’s time to re-read Breaking Dawn (seriously!? WHO HAS MY BOOK!?)

Upon further research from the Twilight Saga Wiki, it looks like Ben was created by Amun who is extremely overprotective of him and terrified of the idea of him joining another coven. Sounds like Amun wants Ben for a lover if you ask me. But it turns out Ben already has a lover: Tia. Tia, of course, means “Aunt” in Spanish. So Ben’s lover is his aunt, and Amun, his creator wants him in the Biblical sense. Things get freaky over there across the Nile!

And a BONUS: If you look past the fact that he kinda resembles a younger Brendan Fraser, Rami he is pretty cute too! Whoo hoo! More man meat to drool over in this fandom!

The Twidom tries to kill me

Be still my British flag waving heart

PopSugar: Gossip Girl’s hot! We all love it.

Ed Westwick: Maybe if I had vampire teeth.

PopSugar: Maybe you need to play a vampire with that other hot Brit.

Ed Westwick: We should play brothers. Me and Rob Pattinson should play brothers.

PopSugar: In Breaking Dawn?

Ed Westwick: Is that the next one? I’ll put the call in. Let’s do it.

And I start begging Stephenie Meyer to “suddenly” remember that Edward Cullen had a brother who was “saved” from Spanish influenza by another vampire family so Ed Westwick could be in this role & my British fantasies could come true. Well, I guess I need to also have her introduce me to the two Brits and leave me alone with them in a hotel room for a couple hours. Fingers crossed.

An adorable little girl is rumored to be up for the role of Renesemee

Question on Renesmee application this parent got right: “Does your child have an inappropriate relationship with a boy” Check.

And then we start praying even HARDER. The demon-baby spawn of Bella & Edward not only chews her way out of Bella’s womb, is imprinted on by a grown man, but is a child old enough to attend Kindergarten!? HOW DO THEY THINK THIS IS GOING TO WORK? RENESEMEE WILL NOT MAKE ANY FRIENDS IN SCHOOL. SHE WILL BE THE WEIRD LITTLE GIRL WHO TOUCHES THE OTHER KIDS FACES & HAS NO DESIRE TO PLAY WITH DOLLS BUT REALLY REALLY LIKES JOHNNY JR.S DOG THAT HE BRINGS FOR SHOW-AND-TELL. LIKE CREEPILY LOVES IT. SHE ACTUALLY LETS HIM OFF HIS LEASH DURING RECESS & RIDES HIM AROUND THE PLAYGROUND. THEN ANOTHER DOG- OR SOMETHING THAT LOOKS LIKE A DOG- SHOWS UP AND GETS UPSET. A DOG FIGHT ENSUES. THE WEIRD KINDERGARTNER CHEERS ON THE SECOND DOG. HE WINS. JOHNNY JUNIOR WATCHES HIS BELOVED COCKER-SPANIEL, POOCHIE, GET EATEN ALIVE BY A BIGGER DOG. AND RENESMEE IS THE YOUNGEST GIRL TO BE THROWN INTO JUVENILE DETENTION. THIS IS A PROBLEM. I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M SCREAMING. BUT IT FEELS APPROPRIATE.

That’s all your Twilight news, brought to you by LTT, always a reliable source!