I´m working on a poem that´s so true, I can´t show it to anyone.
I could never show it to anyone.
Because it says exactly what I think, and what I think scares me.
Sometimes it pleases me.
And this poem says exactly what I think.
(Lloyd Schwartz)

Sunday, 27 May 2012

Sometimes Being a Whale is not a Bad Thing

I found Malena Teves by chance about three years ago thanks to one of Neil Gaiman´s personal assistents. Long story, nothing which has to be mentioned.

Malena is an actress, a singer, a model, a clothes designer (love her corsets), an exhibitionist (not in a bad way), a Miles Teves´s former muse and a beautiful woman.

I was browsing her Facebook page today and I have found something wonderful which reminds me of one afternoon with my at that time fifteen-year-old sister when we were talking about her meeting she had founded not very amusing at that time - with a woman who was also a psychologist.The psychologist asked her to compare our family members to animals. My sister told the first things she imagined. She saw herself as a dolphin and me as a whale.

I was shocked a bit at first. You know - who would love to be compared to a whale... But we spoke about it and I started to love it. Because both of these animals live in the same waters (as me and my sister do), dolphins swim these waters very quickly and with almost a child´s joy, while whales swim the same place slowly but straight to their target. And that´s also us. My sister is very quick in her decisions and she doesn´t think about the consequences much. She doesn´t like planning things. They will happen anyway so why to be bothered. I am different. I think a lot about every single decision. And I usually have not just a plan B, but also plan C and D. Sometimes I overthink things, I can see the worse possibility so whatever comes I am prepared and therefore not afraid. Or I think I am not My sister is choleric and I am very calm and collected. Usually. She expresses her feelings openly, I store them inside. But both of us are very fragile on one hand, and very sharp on the other. She is my dolphin and I am her whale. We swim the same waters.

So today I was browsing Malena´s facebook profile. As I said before she is a beautiful woman. But as most of us she also deals with "problems" with her body. Whenever I am with my female friends, there is always a moment when we discuss our bodies and that we have to lose some weight and that we have to eat more vegetable and less of everything else, and that we have to stop smoking occasionaly and have to drink more water and no alcohol, and that even we do some exercises we have to spend more time in a gym. We know that. All of us want to be slimmer. But we love life. We love being with friends. We can cope with our bodies.

And when you change your body it doesn´t mean that everything else will change. It is our body and we should cope with it and love it - we should love ourselves. If somebody is oriented only on their body, they miss everything else. They miss food for their soul. And if you are thin and perfect outside it doesn´t mean that you will be happier. All the changes are not done by our bodies, but our minds. And if our mind is in balance and happy, our body is also balanced and happy. And let´s not say slimmer, but healthier.

So I like Malena´s attitude because she is a real woman. She has bosom, she has hips, she is sexy as hell and she is definitely not a size 0.

And coming back to whales - today I found this in her profile:

Dedicated to all the "real" women out there. Sent to me by Steve Kennedy.

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.

They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.

They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?

They would have no sex life and could not bear children.

Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.

And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.

We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.

Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

So. I still want to lose some weight as I am not very slim. But I love my bosom. And my hips. And so did the men I dated. I´d rather be a bit chubby and happy, than to be thin, nervous and afraid of eating anything.

On Friday I went shopping with Smallone. She bought herself an ice lolly and she also bought one for me saying that "It is very good, you will love it." I thanked her and we sat on the bench, the sun was shining, we were eating our ice lollies,talking about everything, and after eathing them we went riding a bike.

I´d rather be curvy than to miss moments like these. Because everything is about finding balance. Extremity doesn´t work.

3 comments:

I'm going to print this out and put it on my mirror. I've gained weight from my back problems and I need to lose weight but hate feeling bad about it. You've really thought this through and I completely identify with your words.

I am glad you like it. I have problems with my weight for all my life as I have never been a thin person. As a child I was tall, as a teenager I was curvy and now I am in a state that I need and want to lose some weight. But I feel the same as you - I hate feeling bad about it. I couldn´t have excercise for almost two months. So that is the first thing which is going to be changed. And in spite of all these I am going to enjoy myself the way I am. And that´s it. :-)

About Me

We all play many roles in our lives and I am trying to play my parts the best I can.
I am a teacher and most of the time I love this job. I am also an aunt of a beautiful and smart girl called Tereza, but I call her Smallone here.
I love reading and I do believe in knowledge and lifelong learning.
I like writing and I´ve learned to chase and get over my daemons through it (although I don´t usually chase them here because some of them have names..).
Despite the fact I love Czech (my first language) and find it one of the most playful languages at all, I´ve decided to post my blog entries in English. But I would appreciate comments in any language, so feel free to stop by and say hello.