Off The Press

March 12, 2013

By Greg Farrar

Want a tax deduction for reading this column?

Are you staring at your 1040 form this month wondering where all your income went?

Just in case you are in the 1 percent of taxpayers that have been slammed by this year’s repeal of your tax cuts, don’t think we here at The Issaquah Press can’t try to help you get a little of it back, with our thoughts about new tax loopholes that should help make ends meet.

Greg FarrarPress photographer

I polled some of our employees on their ideas. If the American people can get Congress to put these on the books, it would benefit the 1 percent, the 99 percent, the 47 percent and all the other percenters that are out there.

“No taxes after the age of 70,” one of our folks said. For those not yet retired, he suggests “a tax deduction for big boy toys: hot rods and motorcycles, rifles, snowmobiles and Skidoos. That’ll encourage the manufacturing of those kinds of things.”

“I want them to place a monetary value for every stupid thing a politician says,” another co-worker added. “A nonpartisan tax deduction for the wasted time it takes me to process the stupidity of the comment” whether from a Democrat or a Republican.

“Three hours plus for the time it takes waiting in line in government offices,” said one of my fellow reporters. “A time stamp when you get in line at the DMV and a time stamp when you’re done.”

It’ll make them have to be more efficient, he added.

“You could write off your pets,” said one.

“If you have to keep your kids in daycare, and have school write-offs, there are similar costs for the care of pets. I actually see it happening someday,” he added. “I can see government doing it because they’re a little wacky.”

“Can I have a deduction for being single?” one of my co-workers asked. “Put down my phone number and my photo — and my likes and my turnoffs, too!”

If we can find one for the single person, we should be fair to the staff newlywed: “A deduction for the couple thousand dollars I paid to the Department of Homeland Security in the fees to do the immigration paperwork to get the green card for my husband,” she said.

And another employee about pets: “Can you get a tax deduction for your vet bills? You get a deduction for medical expenses for kids, you should be able to claim your pets’ medical bills.”

“I don’t even know what’s already there,” said one person. “I send it all to my accountant and he puts stickers on my form where I’m supposed to sign.”

I’ll finish with the tax deduction I’d like. Every time the traffic congestion and volumes on the freeway make me come to a dead stop, I think a refund is in order.