Sanders accused of using campaign funds to buy pair of socks

In a scandal that could derail his presidential ambitions just days before primaries begin, Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) stands accused of using campaign funds to purchase socks he discovered in an Alabama department store bargain bin.

According to reports, on Tuesday Sanders browsed the menswear department in a Birmingham-area Sears for more that 20 minutes while a sales associate answered his questions. The senator then settled a pair of navy blue cotton socks that had been marked down from $3.99 to $1.99.

“Senator Sanders has been doing a lot of walking while on the campaign trail, and his socks didn’t hold up,” the Sanders 2016 assistant deputy social media coordinator Kyle Pinkerton told the Dandy Goat. “After consulting with his team, he took the decision to make an emergency visit to the mall.”

Rouge says that Sanders has two credit cards in his wallet, a personal card from the Vermont Citizens Bank, and another from the People’s Bank of Vermont, where his campaign funds are deposited.

“Bernie simply got confused,” Pinkerton said. “He’s on his way back to Sears this very moment to return the item.”

A representative of Sears says that the company will be happy to provide Sanders with a refund, as long as he provides a receipt and that the socks show no sign of having been worn.

While the incident is expected to damage the candidate’s reputation as an honest everyman, some commentators say that most voters are willing to overlook accusations of misspending if they strongly agree with a candidate’s positions.

In October, a spokesperson for Hillary Clinton admitted that the candidate had been using campaign funds to purchase a weekly supply of fresh goat’s blood, which the 68-year-old former secretary of state is said to drink every morning to remain youthful and invigorated. The day after the story broke, Clinton’s poll numbers actually rose three points.