Why you should get your mojo running

If you're in a monogamous relationship and you’re not having sex, you have a problem, says Ottawa sex therapist Sue McGarvie.

Low libido is a problem for between a third and half of all women, and a surprisingly number of men.

"Every day it becomes a bigger part of my practice. Sex is adult play. And if you're not playing with your partner, then what are you doing?"

And it’s an important problem to correct because a healthy sex life can improve all-around health and longevity, while a low libido is often the first indicator that something else is wrong, says McGarvie, who estimates that just over a third of the emails she gets on her website are about libido. About 80 per cent of the low-libido cases she sees are women, while 20 per cent are men.

McGarvie decided to run a two-night libido boot camp because she wanted people to see that they’re not alone. (For details, visit: sexwithsue.com)

The issue of flagging desire is so important to overall health that in 2010 the Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada asked members to talk to their patients about libido — and offer medical advice if it’s in the doldrums.

"Sex is your early warning sign," says McGarvie, who in treating men with low libido has uncovered more than one case of Type 2 diabetes. Low libido in men can also be indicative of heart disease, prostate problems or hormonal issues.

"If something is going wrong sexually, there’s something else wrong."

McGarvie estimates that about a quarter of all women aren’t interested in sex and a quarter of women want it once or twice a month. Another quarter would prefer once or twice a week. And the remainder would like it every day.

Oddly enough, there is a "typical" profile of a woman with low libido, and it looks like this: she has a high-stress job and a couple of children. She is very fit or slim — belly fat is the source of estrogen for women. She may have gastro-intestinal problems, including moderate-to-severe food allergies or food sensitivities.

Women with low libido often describe sex as being offered their least favourite food or being asked to clean the toilet. These are women with attractive, pleasant partners.

"They’re not purposefully trying to deny their partners sex. It’s not that they don’t love their partners," says McGarvie.

"For some women, sex is like eating pizza. If you’re not hungry, it’s work."

McGarvie puts the possible explanations in three "buckets." One is a physical explanation, such as a hormonal imbalance. Another is emotional or psychological, such as a bad experience with intercourse. The third explanation is relationship difficulties. "Libido is a little bit out of all of these buckets."

McGarvie keeps up-to-date on the latest medical findings on libido. There is, for example, a documented link between the long-term use of oral contraceptives and low libido, especially if birth control pills were used along with anti-depressants.

For men, taking medication for high blood pressure can produce low libido as a side-effect.

McGarvie often urges blood tests as the first step to check for chemical imbalances. Her "prescription" for low libido often includes a round of vitamin and mineral supplements, including Vitamin D, magnesium, omega 3 and zinc for men.

Hormones are not the only culprit, but they can be a large part of it. For women, low estrogen is common in menopause, but for some women estrogen starts to decline in their 20s and any woman with ovarian problems has this issue.

"Estrogen gives us curves — and chocolate cravings — makes us happy and sane. Think crazy, chain-smoking super-thin models who can’t balance their moods and you get an idea of what no estrogen is like," says McGarvie.

For men, it’s low testosterone.

"It’s more insidious than in women and it’s what I call the Archie Bunker syndrome. Grumpy, aging men with no get up and go, watching television and bitching about the world. Beer bellies, lack of ambition. They still may be interested in sex, but less willing to do the work to initiate."

A daily dose of dark chocolate is often part of her libido-revving prescription. The darkest chocolate possible. "Consider two squares a day as medicine."

And schedule a flirty date night. One couple took out the old beat-up truck they had when they were first dating. It reminded them of their zesty, youthful — though poorer — selves. And the fun they had when they first met.

"You gotta work at it," says McGarvie.

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Sex and the brain

In his book Sex on the Brain, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Daniel G. Amen says research is showing that people who have regular sex are happier than people with a healthy bank account.

Economists David Blachflower at Dartmouth College and Andrew Oswald at the University of Warwick in England evaluated levels of sexual activity and happiness in 16,000 people. They found "that sex so positively influenced happiness that they estimated increasing intercourse from once a month to once a week is equivalent to the happiness generated by getting an additional $50,000 in income for the average American," wrote Amen.

"The economists estimated that a lasting marriage equated to the happiness generated by an extra $100,000 annually, while divorce depleted an estimated $66,000 annually worth of happiness. Taking care of your marriage can save you lots of money."

Or, at least, make you feel rich. Meanwhile, the happiest people in the study were married folks who were having an average of 30 per cent more sex than unmarried people. (The study also found that, contrary to popular belief, people with more money are not necessarily getting more sex.)

Besides, regular sex can help keep you trim. According to Amen, sex burns 200 calories for every half-hour compared to 114 calories for yoga, 129 for dancing to rock music and 153 calories for walking at three miles per hour or weight training.

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