The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.. Please use large double door at the side entrance. Can you give me a push?

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding
on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger stands in the pouring down rain.
"Can you give me a push?" he asks while hanging onto the door frame.
"Not a chance" says the husband -- "It's 3 o'clock in the morning!". He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was it?" asks his wife.
"Just some drunk wanting a push" he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I didn't -- it's three in the morning and raining like crazy out."
"Well, you have a short memory" says his wife. "Can't you remember
about three months ago when we broke down on vacation and those two
strangers helped us? I think you should help him."
The man does as he is told and gets dressed and goes out into the
pounding rain and calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes the answer.
"Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing!" the drunk replies.

Wrong Email

A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter.
They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their
honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was
difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left
Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the
following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so
he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left
out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error,
he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from
her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called
home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to
check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After
reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now
and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just
arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been
prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!

Is it possible for one to be defined by the foods they eat? I never thought so until I moved my family from the Midwest to the deep south. Upon opening my mouth, I revealed two things to my new acquaintances... One, I wasn't from around these parts. Two, It didn't matter where I was from, If I wasn't from the South, I was a yank and that meant, I must sugar in my grits. Who was I to deny they were right, I did and do put sugar in my grits. How they knew it, is beyond me but it has confirmed in me that God, does in need have a sense of humor.