The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday, 3 March 2012

Cameron Admits Riding Police Horse.

After days of humming and ahhing and of avoiding the question while its political impact was assessed David Cameron has finally admitted that yes, he did ride that horse. Frustrated by the usual evasions coming from No.10 our reporter decided to get the story straight from the horses mouth and ask the horse. "Yes he did," Raisa, the horse in question shamefacedly told our reporter. "No one asked me, it was just a case wham, bam thank you mam. I've been having nightmares in which I relive the ordeal ever since. Max Hastings has offered to handle the press for me because I can't face the shame of it all while selling the story for as much as I can get. Of course it remains a politically sensitive story because of the Rebekah Brooks connection and beacuse I was once a serving policehorse and privy to a great deal of sensitive information." Since our correspondent interviewed Raisa it has been reported that she has died in what many regard as suspicious circumstances while in police custody. A police spokesman told us; "Raisa died of natural causes after being run over by a police landrover in an unfortunate accident during which seventy-five rounds were fired by an officer who dropped his sub-machine gun. There is nothing suspicious about such incidents which happen all the time." Raisa is to be given a state funeral at public expense for her services to the Tory party and is expected to be buried next to the plot reserved for Margaret Thatcher in a secret location somewhere under the M25.