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Sunday, April 25, 2010

Are You Smarter than a Four Year Old?

Finn comes clacking into the room, wearing my high heels, a pair of underwear and nothing else.

"Can we have a playdate with Tim today?" he asks.

It's the last day of school vacation and I have no energy. I have decided we will have a lie-around-at-home day. I'm determined not to go anywhere.

"No, not today," I tell Finn.

"Please? Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.."

"Not today, we're going to do things around here."

"PLEASE? Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease..."

"Maybe later, but not right now, okay?"

He waits about ten seconds. "Is it later yet? When is it later? Now? Is it later now?"

"OKAY! I will call his Mom to see if he can play," I say, just to get him to stop.

He blinks twice, and says, "Why aren't you calling? Can you call now? You're not moving! Call now! Da phone is right dere! Are you calling now?"

I stop folding laundry drag myself up off the couch and pick up the phone. I know if I don't call he won't leave me alone, so I pull out my "fake phone call" trick. I pretend to dial, and then I hold the phone to my ear. This only failed me once, when the phone rang while I was fake listening. Oops.

"Sorry, buddy," I tell Finn. "Nobody's home."

"Where are dey?"

"I don't know, they just aren't there."

"Where did dey go?"

"I don't know. They aren't there!"

"But where did dey go?"

"I don't know!! If I say I don't know, it means I don't know!" I say, exasperated.

"But but but but you aren't listening! Where did dey GO?"

"I don't know!! To the park, maybe?"

"Dey went to da park, or you think dey went to da park. Which one?"

Oh, for crying out loud. "I think they went to the park. Okay?"

"Which park?"

"I don't know, Finn. We won't be able to see Tim today, okay?"

"WHICH PARK?"

"I don't know!! The big playground maybe?"

"Oh good! Let's go meet dem!"

"Finn. Let me explain something. I said I didn't know where they were, but you wanted an answer, so I guessed they were at the big playground. I really don't know if they are there or not."

Blink. Blink.

"But we're going to the playground, right?"

I open my mouth to say something, and realize he cornered me at my own game. Now we're going to the park, because I can't exactly fake call the playground.