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New Death Penalty Points System Tames Chinese Drivers

The number of road accidents in China has almost dropped 100 per cent in the first half of this year after the introduction of death penalty points and on the spot executions, culminating in disqualification from life.

Statistics released this month indicate that the number of accidents in Beijing in the first 6 months of the new system was down nearly 98 per cent on 2009.

During the month of August this year, 1 person died on Chinese roads, compared with 7,134 at the same time last year, only 43,234 dangerous drivers were executed on the spot and another 67,000 are still pending trial.

Fines for traffic offences have been abolished by the Chinese government, but it is the threat of sudden death that appears to have pacified the Chinese drivers addiction to recklessness.

Dr. Kenneth Hiroshumazukiwa, a behavioural expert, said: “The threat of being shot point blank in the face with a shotgun on the side of the road by a police officer seems to have had a big psychological effect on the drivers.”

The Chinese government rolled out the new system on the 1st of January this year. Every driver has a credit of 10 points, which are deducted automatically on conviction for speeding, picking your nose while driving, squinting or driving under the influence. Once the driver has exceeded his points quota for the year, the driver is then given a written warning. If the driver is caught again there is an immediate death sentence passed, and the arresting officer takes care of it there and then.

Chou Chunk, president of the road safety organisation of China, announced the figures earlier today at a press conference in the capital.

He stated: “We Weally happy wih resul. This new death penalty points has scared them all. No one speeding anymo’.”

In the statement Chunk also said that foreign drivers will be treated the same way as Chinese drivers.

“We will not tolla’ate any misbe’aving on owa road. Visitors will be given temp’rary lihence, but will only have 6 point cap instead o’ 10. We ‘ope this wi’ suppress any urges to drive all crazy like baldy Vin Diesel guy.”

According to one Irish businessman who regularly travels to china, it is a great system if your a good driver.

“Women don’t have a chance here.” said Thomas Keegan.

“Either do bluddy old people. I was driving on the motorway leaving Beijing the other day and I seen an old man in his 80’s getting one in the face. Poor bastard must have broken a green light or something.

But i’ll give them one thing, it bluddy works all the same. They should bring it to Ireland.”

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