Your computer is at risk. Oh no. What should I do? We can save your computer. How? Please, go to www.****.com as soon as possible and ask for our highly trained technicians to save your computer. What was that address? www.****.com Are you sure? Yes, it's www.****.com I just tried it and it says the website cannot be displayed. You must try it again to save your computer from a very serious virus. Oh. Okay. I am on the website now. What should I do? The technician will tell you what to do. But, won't you stay on the line to help me talk to the technician? No, I have to inform other people about this very serious problem. Well then, I guess you had better fuck off and go do that. Yes, I must go to help other people. Okay then... fuck off.

I built a TARDIS a couple of weeks ago. Well... Actually, it's a small storage shed for garden tools. But it looks like a TARDIS and if I ever get a hankering to visit unknown star systems, escape marauding Daleks, or pay Gluon a surprise visit, it'll probably do the job.

I'm dog-sitting my friend Susie's pack of four red female pooches this week. So far I've got them calmed down at mealtime - they aren't crowding me now because they know there is no food until they sit and I hold their collar. After a suitable period, I point at the bowl and give the command "eat!" that they have mastered perfectly. By the time Susie arrives back home I hope to have them all sitting together in the same room and waiting to eat ONLY their own food when I tell them all "eat." Like I do with my pack of three. That alone will earn me the cash she paid me to feed her dogs.

Mom, am I okay? I am on the edge of seven decades old, but when I walk the dog and we come to a chalked up hopscotch game on the sidewalk I always start at "1" and do the one-foot, two-foot little hop sequence until I hop out at the "10". Without fail.

My dog, Maggie, is a dear friend, very quiet and patient, and is content to watch the hours of her life go ticking by without protest. I wish I could break the surly bonds and take her gallivanting among the galaxies, zooming from star to star and chasing cat-comets whenever we felt like it.

But we are both sentenced to serve our time on this hard rock line of mortal being. We shall do so with decent grace, with dignity. But inside we are both saying, "Pfui!".

That explains why I never went and used one in my earlier years of parenting. I had my hands full enough to begin with. But maybe if you really understand the technology you could use one of them things to change a brat into a sensitive, considerate polite sorta baby? They couldn't have had very good marketing or they'd be billionaires by now.

Actually, I don't think baby changing stations are for changing babies into other critters. They're more like the bill changers in Laundromats. Put a twenty-pound baby in, get four five-pound babies back.

gnu, it is my experience that there are reasonable people shopping online, and there are opportunists, trying to take advantage of others. The reasonable people are apparent when they contact you, but the sharks are also conspicuous, and should be chased off promptly.

Advert for smooth talking gnu...local Craigslist: "I have a 3 year old belted Galloway cow for sale she is bread to my belted Galloway bull and dew late September asking 1500.00 hundred, she takes well to electric fence and bob wire. this will be her 2nd calf. just down sizing for next winter that is why I am selling her, she is a great with razing her calf's call me..."

I seen that you put 20,000 kms, but some people "forget" to list that their vehicle is a US vehicle... or forget to list that their vehicle may have a rebuilt title.

Does the truck need anything? How are the tires? Any dents, dings, scratches, rust?

How negotiable are you on your price?

Thanks,

Bobby ********************************************************

GARY OWENS To Bobby

Today at 10:36 PM

It needs a new owner. There are five tires. There might be a dent, ding, or scratch that I don't know about. As for rust, if you actually read the ad (like the mileage you didn't read properly), you would see that it has been Rust Checked EVERY year. Negotiable? Yeah. Tack on a thousand dollars for bullshit.

I put 46 ads on Kijiji yesterday. Reasonable responses. I put three guns on Facebook groups NB Hunters and Hunting n Outdoor Classifieds. I get this..."Will u trade for a generator still have the box" and there is pick of a shitbox generator. Really? Like I am gonna trade one of the three guns (which one? two are antiques and one is a double with Damascus Twist barrels!) for a crap genie so that a moron can get a gun? If he can't formulate a proper thought or a sentence, what are the chances he has a PAL (Possession and Acquisition Licence)? Sigh. They are nice guns. Hate to see them go but I'll never use em in any way so better to find a good home for them.

Most people shop for Matrix cloth at Worldviews R Us, but I prefer to browse the remainder tables at Paradigms-A-Million. And you can sometimes find really good deals on Matrix Cloth at thrift stores. I once paid 99¢ for an entire bolt of Youthful Idealism that had belonged to an old hippie who decided to become a dot-com millionaire instead. Then, just a couple of weeks later, I found a few yards of Crass Materialism that had belonged to the same guy! He'd donated it when he was forced to redecorate using Homeless and Destitute.

My question is what about MAtrix Fabric? I am running out rapidly, am beginning to see through walls and have every-day scenery disappear in front of me as a result of intensive meditation on the fickleness of Maya. So I need a wholesale supplier to patch things up to at least maintain some semblance of courteous agreement on the way things seem to be. Any suggestions?

Does Pat know that Amazon does International shipping and they bought up a large fabric store a while back. Let your fingers do the shopping (though it is nice to actually see and feel the fabric in person).

The black pudding is excellent, as is the white. Creans is an excellent lager, but the whisky is still coming along -- a year or two should do it. Pray for our laundry!!! Tomorrow: Cork, then Dublin, then we're on our own. Me and three crazed quilters, and I spent €71.50 to ship much fabric and one or tiny little books back today.

I'm not sure they serve scrapple in Dingle. And I'm fairly certain they don't serve grits. But, being Irish, they probably serve a nearly infinite number of breakfast potato dishes, just like they do in Idaho. That should make Rap feel right at home.