Alba & Ebola

Oscar nominations are to be announced early tomorrow morning. And I’ll be putting out a sex tape with Colin Farrell (yeah Duana, come and get it) before Jessica Alba and Ebola Hilton hear their names announced by the Academy.

They do however share a dubious distinction.

Both the Alba Cow and Ebola have been nominated for Razzies – in other words, they starred in the WORST films of the year.

For Ebola, obviously, this is no surprise. But for Alba? Who’s worked so hard pimping out her baby, campaigning for Barack Obama, pretending she’s a serious actor?

Well this is a serious, serious setback.

And even better? She can’t lay the blame solely at the unfunny douchey feet of Mike Myers. Because even though The Love Guru (which sucked so much sh-t) led all sh-tty movies in Razzie nods, Jessica actually received a DOUBLE hit for her performance, or lack thereof, in The Eye. Even Ebola didn’t earn a double hit!

Do you love it, or do you LOVE it?

How long before the Alba Cow rushes out new photos of herself playing with her daughter to try and erase from public minds the memory of these Razzie noms? I say the weekend.

Like, if you don’t have the game, don’t play. Keep your pretty face shut, say no comment, and move on. Because the minute you engage, the minute you open that door, you better bring some f-ckin’ heat. If you’ want to talk smack, at least, at the very least, come up with something better than “maybe he was born that way.”

Really? He was born that way? Does he have cooties too?

Oh honey child, sit DOWN. Even the Jonas Brothers could have taken it to Bill O’Reilly harder than that and they don’t use their penises.

A quick note though, in her defence re: your emails about the “Sweden” comment from this video clip earlier and that what she really meant was Switzerland…actually Sweden is right too. Don’t hate me! I majored in history. It’s only useful when playing board games and being a know-it-all bitch. Ok, never mind. You should totally hate me. I hate me too.