Over at Pop Tarts Suck Toasted the theme of the day is Stephen Malkmus. So that’s where you want to go to download a solo track, a Pavement track and a Silver Jews track if you’re into that sorta thing.

The England estate of metal god Ozzy Osbourne was engulfed in hellish flames after an electric demonic lamp shorted out, causing a small-but-evil fire that fortunately – or unfortunately, depending on how much you’re into Sabbath – was extinguished quickly, and did not result in a Satanic offering of scorched Osbourne flesh. Nobody was hurt (no, not even the kids), and the fire only caused minor smoke damage, but the whole thing was still pretty f*cking metal. After the initial shock (or flashback) wore off, Ozzy mumbled something about his excitement to return home and resume his regular existence as a tragic-but-amusing weirdo drug-casualty.

One of the few genuine perks of covering celebrity gossip by poring over thousands of boring paparazzi pictures of assorted starlets is the beloved moment when a young celebutant’s desire for captivating cleavage gets hijacked by gravity, resulting in a brief-but-wonderful public exposure of their private parts. I am referring, of course, to the Nipple Slip. From Janet Jackson’s “wardrobe malfunction” to Paris Hilton’s incessant red carpet exhibitionism, there have been many a great nipple slip in my day, which is why I was so glad to discover this revealing compilation video that pays tribute – sometimes in wonderful slow motion – to some of the best nipple slips caught on camera. So lock your office door, sit back, relax, and feel like a boob for a couple minutes as you enjoy this video celebration of celebrity over-exposure at its best. (NSFW – but you knew that)

Did we really need a second music video for Paris Hilton’s “Stars Are Blind”? Actually, did we really need a first? Well, necessary or not, another version has surfaced. Check it out.

I don’t know which one is better, the one where Paris dry humps a guy on the beach or… the other one where Paris dry humps a guy on the beach. Which one do you prefer?
(To watch Paris’ first video the way it’s meant to be seen, click here)

Lindsay Lohan’s breasts are back… and with the right amount of publicity and proper PR spin, could very well be the big breasts of the summer.

It seems like Lindsay and her people (and her breasts) have devised a plan to ensure that her breasts are on everybody’s lips this season. Much like The Strokes did back in 2001 and Gnarls Barkley did a couple of months ago, Lindsay and her people (and her breasts) have decided to break her new breasts out overseas first. See: Her British GQ spread. They figure that if her breasts get big in England then people will start talking. They’ll build some buzz, and when the time is right, they’ll head back to the US. With any luck, thousands of screaming fans will be waiting at the airport to greet them and a within a few weeks they’ll be on display in the Ed Sullivan theater for all to see. It’s not too far fetched, if you ask me.

So after a short hiatus, Lindsay’s breasts are back. Will the reunion tour be a success (see: Kiss) or a failure (see: Van Halen w/ Diamond Dave)? Only time will tell. Either way, if you ask me, it’s good to have them back (I’ve always been a fan.)

There is no such thing as an unimportant awards show, and the television Emmy Awards is one of the most vital recognitions of high art that this country has. This year’s nominations were announced earlier today, so we decided to take a closer look at several of the categories in an attempt to better understand exactly what these nominations mean for both television and the future of all humanity as we now know it.

We’re not really sure how a Charlie Sheen/Jon Cryer rip-off of My Two Dads could possibly be considered better than Entourage, or how Scrubs could still be so popular, or how Arrested Development could ever have been cancelled, but none of that really matters since The Office will win anyway, and rightly so. There is simply no taming of the Schrute.

Sure there’s a lot of good new stuff on tonight, and interesting premieres (The Dudesons, anybody?), but I think I’m going to stick with the classics. And by that I mean, repeats of The Office and Grey’s Anatomy. Hey, I’m a traditionalist.