Discussion Guide for Respecting Elders, Becoming Elders

posted Aug 09, 2005

Discussion Guide Download 84kb

Ours is a youth-worshipping culture. We compliment people by saying
they look much younger than their ages, we bleach and dye and nip and
tuck to achieve the look of youth, and we prize the money-earning,
achievement-producing independence of what we call “the prime of
life”—the years between childhood and old age. Yet most of us will
someday be old, someday likely be frail and dependent on the care of
others. And throughout the industrialized world, the numbers and
proportion of the aged are swelling, as birthrates decline and life
expectancies rise.

Do these growing ranks of the elderly represent a problem or a possible
solution? Do our elders represent an opportunity for our culture, even
a chance to rescue it from some of its mistakes? What is old age good
for?

This discussion guide centers on the following articles. You might want to discuss a different one at each session.

William Thomas argues that, far from being an evil, old age is
humanity's greatest achievement. Elders help raise the next generation,
hold a culture's wisdom and pass it to young people, and they resist
what Thomas calls the “tyranny of adulthood.” Those are some of the
reasons elders are essential to a humane culture and even to our
survival.

• What was your relationship with your grandparents or with other elders in your community as you grew up?

• If you have children, what does their relationship with grandparents
or other elders give them? Do you wish for a different relationship
with elders for yourself or your children?

• If you are a grandparent, what do you wish from your relationships with your grandchildren?

• If you are over 60, what word do you use to describe your stage in
life? Do you regard yourself as an elder? Do you feel you are, in
Thomas' words, a library to your community, a keeper of wisdom? Why or
why not?

Of, by, and for seniors

Traditionally, the Japanese have cared for their elders within
families. But now the shrinking birthrate, changing family structure,
and growing numbers of the aged mean fewer elders are cared for by
family, but more need care. In response, the Japanese have created a
remarkable co-operative system to satisfy the needs of seniors by
tapping into the capacities of seniors. Koreikyo provides its members
with employment, care, an income, and a meaningful way to stay involved
in the community.

• This response to the needs of seniors is very different from that of
the American Association of Retired Persons, which lobbies for
legislation, provides supplemental insurance and information, and
publishes a magazine. What advantages and disadvantages does
Koreikyo have over AARP?

• What needs do you have as you age that a co-operative might or might
not satisfy? What do you, or elders you know of, have to offer to a
larger community? Would you be interested in creating something similar
to Koreikyo in your community? What aspect of Koreikyo's work might you
start with?

Where will I live?

Most of us dread being warehoused in a nursing home. Yet our housing
and care needs change as we age. A large multi-story single-family
house with a big yard may seem ideal in our middle years, but not be a
possible living arrangement as we get more frail.

• What housing options for the aged seem appealing to you, and which
ones unappealing? What is it about particular housing options that are
more or less appealing? Consider who you might like to live with,
whether with other elders or with people of different generations, what
sort of assistance you might want, how you would like to take care of
your surroundings.

• Where would you want to live as your independence decreases?

• Where would you want to die?

• If you are a young(er) person, would you like to live with elders nearby or in your home? Why or why not?

• What are the obstacles to your preferrred living arrangements as you
get older? What might you do either personally or politically to make
any of these options a possibility for you and for others?

Can elders save the world?

Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi sees the phases of life through the metaphor of seasons, each of which has its appropriate work.

• Rabbi Shachter-Shalomi says there is a script for each stage of life
except the last. Have you known what your script was for each phase of
life? How do you see yourself spending the fall and winter of your
life? What do you most fear about getting old?

• What would you need to do to enter elderhood? What could your community do to support you in making that transition?

• Do you have an older person you admire and would like to be like? What makes this person a model for you?

• What do you fear about dying? Have you witnessed people dying? Which
seemed like better or worse deaths and what made them so? How would you
like to die? Are you able to talk with family members about death, or,
like Schachter-Shalomi with his father, is this difficult? What are the
barriers?

• Wendy Lustbader in her article says that we fear frailty and
dependence even more than death itself. Does this seem true to you?
What would make frailty and dependence less painful to you? What could
we do as a society to make frailty less dehumanizing?

What are you doing?

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