Dave’s Passing

by Dan Simpson

December 2, 2015:

As many of you already know, my brother and best friend Dave died yesterday at 9:30 in the morning, while in Hospice Respite Care at Holy Redeemer Hospital, Huntingdon Valley. Emily, his wife, and Sharon, a nursing assistant, were with him at the time. Sharon had just finished combing his hair (something Dave thoroughly enjoyed) and was buttoning his shirt when Emily noticed that Dave’s arm suddenly dropped to his side and a different look came over him. They called to him, but he was unresponsive. “He was physically still alive, but it was as though he had already crossed over into another state,” Sharon said. She told us that he never looked at all agitated and that, in fact, his was one of the most peaceful deaths she has witnessed.

Dave talked openly about dying. It was never morbid, just real. He loved his life and was quite pleased with how he was living it. He said he had no regrets. He said he was at peace with death. His only fear had to do with how he might die—whether it would be calm or a struggle. It appears that he got his wish for a serene passage.

I’ll write more about Dave in the near future—how he lived his last days, how much he loved “the dear people from Hospice” who took such great care of him, the depth of his love for Emily and hers for him. I’ll also let you know about the memorial service, celebrating Dave’s life, which we plan to have in his honor, sometime in the next few months.

For now, though, I want to concentrate on fulfilling a promise I made to him:

Several months ago, Dave asked me to send a message on his behalf, shortly after his death, to all who knew him. Here is what he wanted to say to you:

“We can never know exactly when death will come, so we can never know exactly how much time we have with another person. Most of us have busy lives. We also don’t always know what’s best for the dying person in terms of phone calls and visits. If you wish you could have visited me one more time, but it just didn’t happen, it’s okay. If you thought about calling me but, for whatever reason, weren’t able to, that’s alright. If you feel there was something unresolved between us, don’t sweat it. There’s no need to agonize about any of this. As far as I’m concerned, we’re good, we’re okay. Please don’t spend a lot of time wishing and worrying. Just go ahead and live the best life you can. Be compassionate toward yourself. That’s what I want for you.”

17 Comments to “Dave’s Passing”

That there could be two like you, two humans so remarkable and insightfull and kind, is a kind of richness most of us probably donât deserve. But life is rarely fair. It isnât fair that so many of us enjoy the gift of knowing and loving you and your brother and it certainly isnât fair that his life was too short. He and you are remarkable and, my guess is, you will be even more so as you meet the challenge of growing without your twin.

Please, please tell us more about him as your heart permits and know that everyone who knows you already knows how strong you are, so disassemble it necessary.

Dave was truly a very loving person. I loved his poetry and in the short while that I knew him, he inspired my writing of poems. He was a remarkable person and will be missed by all who have ever met him.
I am glad that he had Emily, you, Dan and the rest of his family. Condolences. With love, Marilee May Morris

Dan, I’m so sorry to hear about Dave’s death. I was so glad to have some time with him at his play, to really connect and tell him what was in my heart. He was a extraordinary human being and will be missed by many people. Please take care of yourself.

Dan, I’ve been thinking of you so much. We, your community, know how much you and your lovely brother, Dave, deeply loved and meant to each other. Please know we reach out to you in outstretched arms of caring, support and listening. What a lovely message from Dave you’ve shared.

I have never met you, Dan..nor did I know your brother. My relationship with you is distant and ethereal, connected by voice and technology. But there are things we know intuitively, without experience. That is how I know what a person of character and substance you are and how much you truly admired and loved Dave, in the most palpable and almost indefinable way. Your heart is a gift on this earth, your purpose here is to inspire and embolden. May you now be surrounded by the continued spirit of Dave’s love and gratefulness for having you as his sibling partner in this journey, as well as by the support of your friends and family. You have my admiration and my wishes for healing and peace.
Lou Simon

Not really sure when it was but I believe it was the beginning of December, when all of a sudden I wonderd how Dave was! I haven’t seen him in over 20 years he used to frequent my restaurant in Center City.. Such a kind man! Fast forward to last week, when in front of me I see a daily news- I work in a South Jersey diner. I haven’tseen a Daily News in over a year… my head starts saying don’t look at the obituaries! And there it was. To say that I cried is an understatement. Such a positive person and true meaning of gentleman!! As I read the article and realized the mural at Hahneman hospital over looked one of the St. George. Restaurant locations. None of our restaurants exist anymore..I just think it was strange that the mural was across the street to a building thst I looked at for years. My deepest sympathies to all.. He touched my life with his kind and trusting spirit

Hello Dan,
I hope you remember us…Steve and Jane Rivera. I came upon your blog when doing a search for you and Dave, to ask if you might be coming to our college reunion this spring. I was surprised and saddened to read of his passing.

It has been 20 years since we last saw the two of you, and yet we’ve continued to count you among our most cherished friends from a special time in our lives. Our deepest sympathy.

I wanted to ask if the memorial has already occurred, and if not, is it a private family time, or would it be possible for 2 old friends to attend?

We tend to think that there will always be time to reconnect with those we’ve continued to love, thought of regularly, but haven’t seen or communicated with in many years. I am so saddened that I missed him, by just a few months. The message you passed along from him is eloquent and comforting, and I will take it personally.

I hope you are doing alright . I know what it is to lose a son. It must be equally difficult to lose a best friend and twin brother.

Dearest Dan, I just found out today about Dave’s death on Facebook. Don’t know if you remember me from Westminster Choir College days, but you and your brother always were happy memories of fun, laughter, and great music. This tribute has touched my heart. Lots of love, “Mei Mei” (Schalow) Del Vecchio

Hello Dan. I’m hoping you remember your friend Aaron Gooding. I am so sorry to hear of Dave’s passing. Please accept my deepest condolences. His final words are beautiful, as was his life. I remember well the laughter and fun times. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers. God bless. …… Aaron

Please accept my heartfelt sympathy on the loss of your twin brother, Dave. Your friendship as well as Dave’s meant so much to me during my Westminster Choir College days. I remember how you both approached life with faith, honesty, courage and a unique sense of humor. I enjoyed our stimulating philosophical and musical discussions. I thoroughly loved hearing you play the organ and singing those magnificent symphonic pieces with you both. Your blog, especially about Dave’s approach to death, brought tears to my eyes. I was deeply touched that, even as his life was coming to an end, Dave continued to display such generosity of spirit. My thoughts and my prayers are with you and your family.