Slightly drunk kid from Alaska: I realized I had blacked out when I woke up on top of my sister.

–14th St

Overheard by: The Reverend

Young girl on cell: You passed out from him choking you? (pause) Like…does it…um…sting? Did he apologize at least? (pause) Ya know, it's not okay to get so fucked up that you don't know that he's choking you.

–Max Cafe

Overheard by: D to the ana

Loud girl on cell: Oh my god! Don't even worry about hitting on her too much, she was totally blacked out last night!

Professor, talking about Genesis: We covered the reason for loincloths last class.Student #1: Wait, why was that again?Professor: (silence)Student #2: Adam had an erection.Professor: Exactly. Thank you for cutting though the bullshit.

Older woman: Mice grow up to be rats. I have mice.Older guy: No, they don't!Older woman: Yes they do, mice grow up to be rats.Older guy: No, they don't! They're different species. They're cousins.Older woman: No, they aren't!Older guy: Yes, they are–they're cousins, like rabbits and squirrels.Older woman: No–mice grow up to be rats!Older guy: No, they don't! There are even different species of rats. German rats,Norwegian rats…Older woman: Okay, let's change the subject–I hate rats.Older guy: Do you know pigeons have strokes?Older woman: What?Older guy: Pigeons have strokes. They don't last long, but they do.Older woman: Uh…okay.Older guy: Pigeons learn to fly when they're five weeks old.

Anthropology prof: Amish youth in Pennsylvania have the opportunity to go out and experience mainstream society for a period of time before deciding whether or not to leave Amish society. An overwhelming amount decide to return to Amish society. That really tells you something about the cohesiveness of this religious sect! (pause) Then again, maybe it's just because Philadelphia is the city they all go out into.

–Classroom, Fordham University

Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

Professor: You still need to lubricate anything that's sliding in and out.

–The Cooper Union

NYU prof: I have an aunt who is 105, and she just keeps on living. I just want to tell her, "you don't need to live for-fucking-ever. Die already, you have no quality of life!

–NYU

Columbia professor (to teaching assistant): You know, I've been teaching this stuff so long, I almost believe it.

–Classroom, Columbia University

Professor: I hope that Freud reading gave you a rise. I didn't just say that.