How to Be Chivalrous – The Code of Modern Chivalry

Want to know how to be chivalrous? Here’s a history on how it all began and how you can impress a girl today using the code of modern chivalry.

Before you understand how to be chivalrous in these modern times, you need to know what a woman expects from a man and what you can do to be that man.

Reflecting back on medieval times, can a man really be that chivalrous today or would that just be considered stupid?

How to be chivalrous

Many centuries ago, when the kings ruled, knights of valor and honor tread the earth.

They left behind a legacy of chivalry and love. Women still want that.

Unfortunately, the men of today don’t know what that legacy was all about, and most men have no idea about the revered Code of the Knights.

But then again, what is it with women these days?

On one hand, they swoon over men who show the slightest bit of chivalry, and on the other, women seem to be killing chivalry slowly!

To be quite realistic, chivalry is indeed dead.

Back in the days of yore, men knew how to be chivalrous. Knights used to take off their cloak and drop it over a puddle so their lady wouldn’t dirty her feet. They used to pick up a damsel’s scarf when she dropped it on the ground in a trice. Can men really do that today?

Learning to be chivalrous through experiences

The last time I actually helped a pretty girl pick up an entire bag of grocery she had dropped, all she did was give me one smug glance and walk away, like I was her blooming man-servant or something.

And I remember a friend of mine who gave his date his overcoat because it was drizzling quite a bit. At first, he told me that she was all smiles and giggles while walking down the street. When they finally rushed into a restaurant down the street, the drizzle had turned into a downpour. They walked into the restaurant and his date took off his overcoat to reveal a clean dress, whereas, he on the other hand, was sodden and wet. And the worst part of it all was that his date was quite uncomfortable to get close to him or acknowledge the fact that he was drenched to the bone because he gave his coat to her.

Instead of being thankful, she was actually miffed and sarcastically ridiculed him for being drenched and embarrassing her at the restaurant. That day, he gave up on figuring out how to be chivalrous and made up his mind never to try being the knight in shining armor. [Read: What girls always notice on a date]

So who do we blame for the death of chivalry, us men, or the typical woman who always seems to have a problem with the lack of a chivalrous streak in men? Well, all I can say here is, “don’t hate the games, hate the damn rules!”

Women and their ways with chivalry

Strangely, women can be really weird at times. And it’s quite hard to please them when we just don’t know whether they’re looking for a guy with a chivalrous streak in them or not. We have those damsels-in-distress that just can’t imagine their life without a chivalrous man. And they are usually the ones that get pissed off if you don’t wipe their seat before they park their backsides, or get totally upset and act aloof if you don’t pull a chair back for them or hold the door open.

Now I appreciate this kind of woman. As demanding as she seems, she would acknowledge your gesture, or at least know deep inside that you care (hopefully?). If she doesn’t seem to care, then just cut down your chivalrous moves. Blame your loss of chivalry on her, which is the real truth anyways, because she didn’t give a damn when you were being nice, so why care.

On the other hand, we have the I’m-an-effing-feminist woman. She’s usually the one who would walk right up ahead of you at a restaurant and open the door herself while you try catching up, or the one who just can’t digest the fact that you’re stepping aside so she can enter the elevator first.

She’d just assume that you want to check her ass as she walks ahead! She’s also the one who gives you a weird stare when you hold the door open for her. Of course, she thinks you think that she’s just too weak to open the door herself!

So how the hell do you figure out how to be chivalrous and show that you respect a woman? Well, it’s pretty simple really. Just be really nice to her however she behaves. Just like how we have a streak of chivalry in us, women too have a streak of I-want-to-be-pampered in them. So irrespective of whether she thinks you’re checking her ass or not, be courteous. So what if you’re checking her ass, let her know it’s hot! But if she’s the damsel-who-loves-chivalry, do be a lot more chivalrous than you’ve ever been. She’ll love you for it, and you’ll feel really good about it. [Read: How to get a girl to like you]

Chivalry and a woman’s friends

So you want to date a woman and impress her? The first thing you need to know is how to be chivalrous, and the second thing you need to know is that women always need reassurance. Women need their friends’ opinion before they step out in a new dress. They need to have a majority vote before deciding the place to have a quick lunch. And about whether the lunch has to be quick or not, well, now that too needs a vote of reassurance.

So what makes you think you’re any different?! Now let’s try figuring out what happens in your date’s life after your first coffee date [Read: Best places to go for a first date]. She hops, skips and jumps back to her place or to a friend’s place. All her friends want to know all the details. So it’s either a group chat or a huddle. And everything is discussed in intricate detail.

This is when your chivalry comes into the picture. Irrespective of whether your damsel has noticed it or not, her friends will.

I remember one time when I had a first date. I was being exceptionally nice to her, but she just didn’t acknowledge it one bit. I didn’t give up though. I kept up with the nice me in everything I did with her. I dropped her back to her place, headed back to mine and wondered if I made any impact on her. I don’t know how it happened, but she actually texted me that very night, and soon we started going out. I later found out that her friends had convinced her that I was a nice guy and asked her to call me back. Apparently, they thought I was the damn definition of a chivalrous knight! [Read: How to charm a girl]

I mean, how hard can it be to dust her seat, pull a chair back, give her your coat, and hold the door open for her? But you see, doing that made all the difference. The moral of this? Even if she doesn’t show her appreciation, don’t give up on figuring out how to be chivalrous. Her friends might see your chivalrous nature as a sign of gentlemanly behavior. [Read: How to attract women]

Chivalry, women and your daily life

Chivalry is a way of life, and one that can help you show the woman with you that you respect her and appreciate her company. Understanding how to be chivalrous isn’t just a way to impress women. It makes you a man of principle and can make you a better man who’s appreciated and trusted by the people around you.

A few women may think you’re being ridiculous by being chivalrous or by trying to please them with chivalry. But truth be told, they’ll regret having walked out of your life someday. [Read: What women want in a man]

Knowing how to be chivalrous isn’t an art to please women, it’s a way of life to appreciate the people around you. And if a woman you’ve dated prefers to lead an unhappy life with a man who doesn’t appreciate her or respect her for what she’s worth, it’s something she’ll come to regret eventually.

So if anyone ever tells you that chivalry is dead, don’t think twice about it. Chivalry may be dying all around you, but one chivalrous knight is all it takes to make falling in love a fairytale experience for that special woman in your life.

Knowing how to be chivalrous is easy if you understand the real essence of chivalry. Click here to read about the twelve medieval codes of chivalrous love and what chivalry is all about in what is chivalry?

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Vinod Srinivas
A proponent of chivalry and romance, Vinod Srinivas sees himself as a gregarious gentleman with an active imagination, who still manages to spend more time livi...

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DISCUSSION

14 thoughts on “How to Be Chivalrous – The Code of Modern Chivalry”

Chivalry may have worked in the old days. But these days, I think women just don’t care about chivalry. They always run after a guy who can spend money on them, or they end up falling for a player who treats a woman like dirt.

There are so many nice guys in the world and no women notice any of these men, all the time. And if a guy tries to impress a girl by pulling a chair back for her, she thinks he’s trying too hard. So what do women want us to do really? Be bad boys and losers who treat women like dirt or be nice and get walked all over?

Unless women really understand that nice guys are genuinely nice and care about women, they’re going to end up in messy complicated relationships with no happy ending.

I myself love chivalry and I am sad to see that it is dying down in American society. However, I think that it is incorrect to state that “chivalry is indeed dead.” It’s dead in the majority of American society. If you go to Central and Eastern Europe, men are still taught to carry a woman’s bags, hold her doors, and help her on and off of transportation. I think it’s a femininity issue. In places like Eastern Europe, women still embrace their femininity and see it as something to be proud of, therefore they don’t mind a man recognizing it. In the U.S., a lot of women would hate to be feminine and hate it when a man offers to do something that recognizes or points to femininity.

Now of course there will always be exceptions to every rule. Although anytime I’m in Russia (I studied Russian in college so I go to the country a lot professionally) I am met with a lot of chivalry as a woman, with men pulling out my chair, offering me their arm so that I don’t slip on icy sidewalks, and helping me to carry my groceries, of course there are women who are abused in relationships. And on that same note, just like how in the U.S. chivalry seems to be dead (the women are killing it), in the South you’ll still see a lot of the stereotypical “Southern gentlemen” who are very chivalrous and genteel with women.

Either way, I love and appreciate chivalry and I hope that we can start bringing it back. It’s a beautiful thing and it’s unfortunate that this sort of thing is being killed every day.

I completely agree with your reply. Chivalry is dying in the US, women are killing it, and the last chivalrous place is the south. Its because we’re hard-headed in the south, and opening doors and whatnot is how our mommas raised us. =) It takes more than 2 generations of national feminist movements to make us ignore what mom taught us.

I agree that chivalry is dead. 🙁 Sadly. Well, people are becoming more individualistic these days and men are starting to behave like women. I’m not saying that they are effeminate, it’s just that they start to whine, complaint and even becoming fussy, over minor issues. It’s sad cause it seems like the ladies now are learning the qualities of chivalry like opening the door, letting someone pass through the door first etc. I just pray that men will find their chivalry back to them and not let one black sheep make them give up chivalry.

My father raised me to be chivalrous in every matter, and I, if I am granted a boy, will do the same. I’m not from the south, and let me tell you… being chivalrous to women and polite to everyone makes life so much easier. People will love you, for showing a little bit of this, in my experience. I remember when I was a kid, I was one of the only ones who said “Please” and “Thank you” to the lunch ladies… guess who got the extra amount of food?

I’m not from the US, I’m mexican and I have to tell you guys, specially Ben Christopher, that here, the great majority of the women appreciate a man who’s chivalrous. Of course there are some women out there who do not like (or I may say are not used to) men behaving chivalrous and nice around them. I feel sorry for them, really.
There are some important details in how a man behaves that makes us fall for them, among these details is how chivalrous they behave but not only with us, with their mohters, and other family members, with elder (even if unknown) women everywhere we go. It’s just education, good manners and valuable extra points while dating a man.

I’m English and chivalry is most defnitely not dead here, though it may sometimes be a little hard to find! It’s easy to be idealistic about chivalrous knights but I’m sure that back then there were still plenty of men who were nat all chivalrous, and plenty of women who showed no appreciation!
Be encouraged, there are women who appreciate it, and don’t let one girl’s bad manners stop you from being a gentleman! I’m a pretty independant person but I still love it when a man holds a door open for me or treats me like a lady, it makes me feel special and safe. Mothers need to teach their daughters to respect and appreciate a man with good manners and to say thank you!!