My first poem in ages!

This piece was greatly inspired by the ballet, Swan Lake. I have just recently refallen in love with it while doing research for my NaNoWriMo '12 project, Drowning Sirens.

I wanted to tell a story that may have seemed sad at first but in the end had a childlike sense of retribution that not only teaches all of us a lesson but gives everyone that isn't necessarily a swan, hope.

Daily Deviation

I have always had a secret love affair with ballet, though I haven't had the chance to watch much of it.

In regards to this piece: I think this stanza, in particular, spoke to me the most--

The crows are cawing hymns, begging to be swans.But only the duck submerged in Swan Lakehas delved the desired shore.

I find it interesting that it can be interpreted in so many ways, while still maintaining an overall sense of reality--because really, I think we're all striving to be something--someone--we aren't. But if we were to get that? The chance to be something different? I don't think we'd be any less miserable...but that stanza carries hope, regardless. The sense that maybe, just maybe, it's possible to be comfortable in our own skins.

I also like that you carry the image of the duck through the whole piece, and I feel like that last stanza really brings a sense of closure--of adventure awaiting--to your readers. Yeah, the duck is still a duck is still a duck...but he's got this air about him at the end of this, as if he doesn't care what the rest of the world thinks, so long as he's comfortable with himself. It's a feeling I think we should all strive to achieve in our lives.

I also really like the scenery you put in this; I could almost feel the sea breeze whispering across my face, my hair blustering across my face as the water laps at the shore...it's subtle, yes, but it's there in the rhythm of the words, the way they roll off the tongue--and across the mind--so fluidly. It's a rather neat thing to experience, the atmosphere of a piece being more metaphysical or ghostly than real. I think you accomplished something wonderful here overall. Beautiful work!

I love the way several ''moods'' are intertwined into the stanzas and not just that, but different movements as well. As I began reading this lovely poem, it sounded like a typical Romanticist work of art. However, as I read on, I realised there was more to it - much more to it.

I love how you added the element of the swans into your poem. It not only speaks of a metaphor, but somehow connects this to the ancient beliefs of purity and grace. Symbols of crows and swans can definitely be found in lots of mythologies and old stories. Well done! This aspect added to the originality of the poem.

In general, the motives are well chosen, the emotions are present, the vocabulary used is very descriptive and the the poem visually stands out. I loved the unusual form it had. Just as I thought it would be kept in tercets, in a sudden, the harmony was broken - and mind you, it was really brilliantly done!

"Please... may I linger here?" is a verse line which changes everything. There is definitely more meaning to this than we might think in the beginning. The little duck, referred to as ''he'' so that we wonder ''who?'' as we are reading for the first time. It forces us to pay close attention to the words in order to understand the poem. Really, brilliant!

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

While I can't give a formal critique since I can't write a poem to save my life; this is astonishingly beautiful. "Please let me linger here" and "The Swan Maidens Bared Their Cheasts" Stood out to me. Love the imagery, and the ending. Well deserved DD

I'm SSSSSSSSSO lazy to read!!! ... My brain is going to desiccate if I don't read at least a little! ... I'm ashamed of myself for that!

I "resumed my DA activity" with a lot of energy in November, so I started reading a few things here and there (usually short things, for lack of time mostly ) ... and adding things to my faves, but then (because I also "discover" what "watching" was ) I got a TON of artwork and writings in my inbox! ... So I sacrificed the writers, but it's not nice, because so many people put their hearts in what they write! I'm mean ...

FANTASTIC! Since you seem to like literature, can you check out the poem I just wrote and posted like five minutes ago? It has about as much emotion put into it as this probably did, and since it is the first non-rhyme poem I have posted, I would like the opinion of another writer so I can get a good idea of how good it is.

This poem is very beautiful; very deserving of a DD! Congratulations!Would you mind if I were to include this in a poetry collection for my English class? We have to collect poems for an assignment, and sometimes we read them out loud to the classroom. With your permission, I would love to include this poem into my folder. Thank you for taking the time to read this comment! Again, congrats!