by mollykl

In honor of one of my Fridays (see below) here’s a repeat from last year, because it still applies.

Despite my curmudgeonly outward appearance, I’m remarkably upbeat about some things. My running joke with my boss is that I start sentences with, “But on the bright side…” and proceed to find, well, the bright side.

So here it is, my list of the good things about having split days off:

1. Two Fridays!

2. Don’t have to work 5 days straight!

3. By Tuesday my work week is half over!

4. I have a day in the week (Thursday) to shop and do banking! Bonus: stores are never busy on Thursdays!

5. Let’s be honest, you people with a normal “weekend”, you waste that first or second day, don’t you? Because you’ve got it good and cushy and you think, “Oh what the hell, I’ve got a spare day off. Bwahahaha!” Well, I don’t have a spare, so I appreciate and ENJOY my days off. Even if it just means sitting around watching Anthony Bourdain and enjoying how comfy my couch is!

by mollykl

Yeah, I know a lot of stuff. I know that February 2nd is the day the German Army surrendered at Stalingrad. I know to make a chocolate roux. I know that Arthur Conan Doyle’s character Challenger from his book “The Lost World” is based on the British explorer Percy Fawcett. But there’s a lot of really basic things that I don’t know. So here it is, my admission of just a few of the things I don’t know how to do.

I did manage to cross one thing off this list last year: how to hit a baseball. The neighbor kid taught me and I even managed to not break any windows.

Prepare to be appalled…

1. How to change a tire.

2. How to make a decent dessert.

3. How to fix a leak (faucet, toilet, oil)

4. How to read the stock listings.

5. How to use a compass.

6. How to find the North Star (without the use of Google Sky)

7. How to play poker without having to show my hand and ask, “Do I have anything?”

8. How to Just. Shut. Up.

9. How to back up my computer without Mozy. (This one is pathetic, I know)

by mollykl

1. Grocery yoga! This gem was from today, when I was trying to reach behind a full pallet to pull out 12 packs of soda. Picture it if you will: right leg wedged between two waist high stacks of 12 packs, left leg stretched behind me for counter-balance, left hand on lower stack of 12 packs, right hand reaching down while twisting torso. Actually felt pretty good and my calves are nice and limber now.

2. Ad day specific i-pod playlist. I listen to the BBC usually, but I should have a playlist that times where I should be in the ad off/ad on process. Such as, by the time the first Nickelback album in done I’ve completed the ad off batch. And am then ready to scratch my eyes out.

3. A cafe/bar that caters specifically to the grocery industry. On Anthony Bourdain’s show I saw a restaurant in Les Halles that was pretty much for the workers there. Meat cutters came in still in their aprons and with blood all over their shoes, no one was “dressed up”, and many were dead tired. They got coffee or a sandwich and a glass of wine and talked and laughed and probably bitched. I want a place where I can get a latte at 2:30 a.m. and where, when my shift is over at 11:30 a.m., I can go and have a nice sandwich and a salad and a glass (or two) or red wine and relax and laugh and, probably, bitch, and not worry that I’m not wearing makeup or dressed nicely, that it’s ok that I have black permanent ink on my hands from the sign pens.

by mollykl

by mollykl

Last year this was “5 things that piss me off”. You should be happy that I’m limiting it to only 6 things….

1. Priuses in the fast lane. No. Just leave. I don’t care if you got that nice sticker allowing you to drive in the carpool lane, your car is holding everyone up (and, hello?, you do not do 50 in the fast lane).

2. E-book authors who don’t bother to hire editors. Aarrrggghhh! Stupid spelling errors are infuriating when you’re paying for something. And it makes me think you are an idiot, and that, by extension, I must be an idiot for reading your work. I do not like feeling like an idiot. (ppsss! it’s FIR tree not FUR tree! seriously?)

3. Reality tv. The ruination of America. Let’s pay people to be stupid and cruel and make them famous for their stupidity and cruelty!

4. The pretentious use of the word “foodie”. Congratulations, you know who Alice Waters is. Now shut up and eat. Or better yet, shut up and feed someone else.

5. People who publish an opinion in public…and then are surprised or upset that others disagree with them. It’s called discourse, dumbass. If you don’t want anyone to disagree with you then keep your damn mouth shut.

6. Dismissing service people. The waiter, the busboy, the courtesy clerk, the checker, the guy who’s nice enough to help you lift the bark into your car at Home Depot. Look them in the eye. You are not better than them you miserable fuck. They are what is keeping this economy still breathing. You might want to say thank you.

5. Gruner Veltliner. Yeah, this one is a generic “I’ve discovered the grape”, but it warrants a notice, if only because of how I started drinking it. You see…..I read about it in a book. I was reading Zoe Archer’s Skies of Fire and Gruner Veltliner is mentioned. Then I was in the store and saw it and thought, “Why not?” One should always get one’s wine recommendations from steampunk.

by mollykl

You get two since I’m starting a day late. (Cut me some slack – yesterday was ad day and I was up at 1:45 a.m.. By the time I was able to do anything I was already comatose.)

I should just cut this out and tape it everywhere. Because I now pick up son J right after I get off work I don’t have time to do yoga. I’ve been trying to get up 15 minutes earlier to do a little in the morning, and it does help a bit, but I really need it AFTER work, when I’ve been on my feet for 8+ hours. And don’t even get me started on the last time I got to take a real bath.

1. Yoga.

2. Shower (or bath)…(or water in general)

3. “Thank you” (this works if it’s being said to you or if you are saying it to someone else)

4. Food. Lousy food does not make you feel better. The poached egg salad at Plan B does.

5. Hitting something. People are wrong…violence does solve problems. Hitting a heavy bag makes you feel better. Sure your knuckles will hurt the next day if you’re not wearing gloves or tape, but your insides will feel better.

6. Shakira dance party with son J! (He doesn’t care that I look like a dork when I dance)

7. Trying something new. Book, sport, recipe, you name it. I’m thinking of trying knitting. I used to know how when I was a kid – I should try again.

8. Being grateful. Sure the day sucked, but at least it was above ground. My tomato plant actually has tomatoes on it. Husband J sent me a nice text. Tomorrow is the first of my 2 fridays. Organic grapes on sale! son J tried to make me a Lego Bumblebee! (He knows B’s my fave)

9. Sex.

10. Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations, Season 4, Episode 5. The New Orleans episode. Filmed 2 years post-Katrina, this is the best tv going. I watch, and watch again, and then watch again. This isn’t a case of “there but for the grace of God….”, and it isn’t “well, things could be worse”. This is the good, the bad, the worse and the horrifying all in one. Sometimes life sucks. Pick your ass up and keep going.

by mollykl

It’s my day off and I had plans. Got the house cleaning and present buying out of the way early and was heading home to watch Walking Dead re-runs, read two new books, and maybe start planning the next garden. But plans go awry – in this case to a bad, bad, bad day for son j. So bad that I’m pulling him from his program tomorrow (shout out to my store for hurriedly covering me – thanks y’all you’re the best!).

So here’s my list of my 10 favorite things about Jackson, because sometimes I need to be reminded that the things that drive me crazy are also the things that I most admire about him

1. Likes to cuddle after he wakes up in the morning

2. Frighteningly intelligent (which has already come around to bite me in the ass, and I suspect it will only get worse as he gets older)

3. Quick to love

4. Sensitive

5. The best laugh I’ve ever heard

6. The most brilliant smile I’ve ever seen…also the best “guilty” smile I’ve ever seen. Kid will make a lousy poker player.

7. One of the few people in this world with the balls to call me out.

8. He’s 6 and he loves to make origami cranes.

9. Likes to write “I love you” on everything

10. Sometimes when he’s done something he shouldn’t have and he’s defiant about it…I’m secretly impressed.