July 16, 2009Crocs isn't dead. Yet. The company/product that created more fashion casualties than Zubaz and parachute pants combined is determined to take at least one more victim with it on the way down. The Washington Postreports that the company, which has been on the verge of bankruptcy for weeks, says it has gotten George Clooney to agree to "work with the company." But asking Clooney to save Crocs is like asking an ant to bang an elephant. It's not the elephant that's going to get crushed when the relationship doesn't work out.

June 2, 2008Q: I work out a lot and am quite muscular, and I have a 32 or 33 inch waist, but most pants are cut for guys with much slimmer legs than me. My bulging thighs look like sausages in pants that otherwise fit me fine. Any tips, besides wearing Zubaz?--Sam

A: To paraphrase German politician Otto von Bismarck, there are three things it's best not to see being made:

* Laws
* An MB's legs getting turned into sausages, and
* A guy getting into a pair of Zubaz

Sam, first thing you need to do -- something every MB needs to do -- is find a great tailor. For your existing pants, if they are dress pants, he can let out the thigh a bit so your rippling leg muscles have room to flex. A better option is to buy your pants a little larger -- to accomodate your bulges -- and have your tailor slim the waist.

November 9, 2007OK. So you fucked up. You slept with some woman while your wife and kid were out of town. She promised to be "discreet" but instead wrecked your life, cooked your kid's pet bunny, and then tried to kill you. You acted like any normal guy and drowned that homicidal psycho in the bathtub. You thought she was dead. Then she leapt up from bottom of the tub and tried to stab you again.

Have we mentioned that zubaz are back? They're angry, wet, and wielding a goddamn butcher knife.