A big part of chemistry is the desire to know more about other the person.

In this desire to know more, you are truthful with each other; being open, curious, accepting, and respectful ... even playful ... as you interact together.

You acknowledge the connection and spark, and allow it to unfold with honesty, openness, and willingness. You are also mindful to the possibilities the relationship offers, while being patient and attentive to the process of coming together.

What to watch out for: Focusing too much on expectations and/or outcomes. This disrupts the natural flow, energy, and synergy between the two of you.

To make that easier, be as clear as you can in your expression of needs and intentions. Try speaking in terms of “I” not so much “You.”

What to watch out for: Another cause of poor communication is assuming or expecting someone to be able to read your mind. This only leads to misunderstanding, confusion, mistrust and conflict.

Good communication strikes a healthy balance with the goal/our intention and the relationship.

We often want to be heard more than to listen.

The biggest communication problem is that we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply.

If we focus more on our reply; we’re not focused and listening to the other person, so we won’t really understand them. We are more focused on them needing to understand us.

Also watch out for: Times when you or your partner are too focused on the goal, because you will likely be more aggressive and demanding in the communication process.

If you are too concerned with the relationship (i.e. don’t want to hurt their feelings or cause conflict) you will likely be more passive and/or passive aggressive in your expression and actions of your needs.

Neither the aggressive or passive communication style is healthy or productive.

The aggressive communication approach is you win/your partner loses. The passive approach is you lose/your partner wins.

Consensus is the result of a conscious and unconditional relationship.

It is about cooperation — seeking the win-win outcome.

Consensus keeps in mind the importance of both the goal and the relationship.

It allows for mutual opinions and different ways of being, through dialog, negotiation, and compromise.

Consensus requires effective and respectful communication skills, flexibility, and openness to understand the others point of view; while expressing your own view.

It requires the ability and willingness to find the common ground. Honoring your individual differences and working with your similarities helps build consensus.

What to watch out for: Consensus can become a struggle to achieve if the need to have power over someone or to the need to be right is dominant.

Shared responsibility and accountability are key to creating consensus.

Relationships, like life, change, and situations happen that can impact any of these C’s in unproductive ways.

So being aware of how life situations can impact these C’s is vital, and that awareness is an act of love, caring and concern for the relationship — and for the two of you within it.

Are you struggling with any of these 5 C’s in your relationship? Please contact David Schroeder, who offers life transition and relationship counseling and coaching session’s in-person, by phone or Skype. Visit his website at Transition Pathways. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength, a healthy and assertive way to help yourself and your relationship during difficult times.