Is This Depression Or PTSD?

by Anonymous

- I am angry because I am not able to sleep- I am angry that Palestinians are being evicted out of their homes that they have lived in for 50 years and are being abused by the authorities and living in the streets (I served there)- I am angry that the international community is not doing anything about it- I am angry at the military, my former chain of command at 19 Wing who wrote that “__________ is a good soldier who would make decisions in favor of the military despite the best interest of his family” (talking about me)- I am angry because my son was sarcastic about the value of his birthday present- I am angry at myself for yelling at him- I am angry at the check-out girl that told me I had to go to the other check-out line because I had 9 items instead of 8 or less- I am angry at myself for going away without saying anything then punching the wall outside- I am angry for doing so because it is stupid- I am angry at the military for allowing me only four months at home after a 8 month deployment- I am angry at my wife for stupid things like not cutting the grass and looking after the garden--and that makes me feel stupid and angry at myself- I am angry at myself for fighting with my wife- I am angry at the store owner for being a jerk, the way he speaks flippantly- I am angry at myself/devastated for stealing a watch from him- I am angry at my boss because of the lack of clarity of my new job - I am angry at my Career Manager and Occupational Adviser for putting me in this job - I am angry at myself for saying anything to them about my concerns for the job - I am angry that they expect me to be a computer programmer - I am angry that I did not develop the skills fast enough - I am angry at the replacement to my successor in Jerusalem as she calls me all the time- I am angry that my wife had to be alone when she found out her father died, leaving her to fret about her incapacitated mother - I am angry at myself for getting drunk before the wake- I am angry at going to war against libya for the murdering of rebels, while we tolerate government troops murdering unarmed civilians in the streets of Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, Syria and Yemen - I am angry at the pizza delivery guy for running a stop sign and smashing into me- I am angry at my wife for asking for a divorce unless I get help. I am angry at myself because maybe I do "make decisions in favor of the military despite the best interest of his family”- I am angry at the military social system for cajoling me into revealing my anger and seeing a million doctors which makes me feel sick- I feel bad for not giving money to the guy outside liquor store in wheel chair

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. And thank you for doing your part to protect our country and our way of life.

It seems clear that you're dealing with some PTSD, and having a pretty rough time of it. For what it's worth, I just want to say you have good reasons for what you feel, even though the feelings may not seem reasonable at all.

I know you didn't ask for help here, so I'm not going to make a lot of suggestions. If you do want to use some of what is available on this site, then check out this page, and see if any of those exercises might be helpful to you.

Don't give up on yourself. You're not alone. There's no way I can know what you're really going through, but the exercises I linked you to above have helped a lot of people, and I've used them myself.