The biggest problem is no real friends! well, possibly a few! Im just not popular material! girls like me, but Im not popular! no one really wants me around! I guess I have to go with the friends I have!

Im trying to find reasons to live! Im the same person I was before! Im trying to wake up! trying to get people to pay attention to me! they wont! Im laughed at or spit on! Im slowly getting stronger!

I hate what happened to me! my original life taken from me! and I was basically given away! Ive almost refused the false friends I had from the past; meaning, purging them from my memories!

I don't really have friends. well, a few! I don't know what to think! my life is not happier! its further along!

I need a better life or a different one! Im around the wrong people! Im codependent! and still around the wrong people!

Something strange happened to me today! I walked into a women that does not like me or see any value in me and I said her name and said hello! this is a big big mistake! This person is not my friend! I did fantasies about her! she is a beautiful asian girl! but Im of no interest! and I want to attack!

I feel attacked in an area I can't fight back, so I want to control her and attack her! ( I mean that emotionally) these are my feelings on it! I made her into a Goddess and Im paying for it! I started fantasizing about her; then ignored her to get attention! it did not work! I never got any attention! She is not the type! in fact, I don't know anything about her! I don't know what type she is!

Im acting delusional! She never remembered my name! I remembered hers! that tells me everything I need to know! she felt compelled to small talk with me! I did not want to! I wanted nothing to do with her! she saw no value in me! she sees me less then what I actually am! or does not see me at all and doesn't care! Im obsessed! kinda!

You see someone that has potential but the are out of your league! what does this mean! they are of a higher confidence bracket of social status! or, they have earned more and they have high standards. If you are looking for outer higher standards you will do well to go somewhere else! you will never understand me! or want to understand me! I will mean nothing to you!

I never had a place left to hide! I had no place to go! no safe house! nothing! no one cared about me; They still don't!

I will sell myself out to people; I will die first! and talk to God in heaven, he is all I had left! no one on planet earth cared! they still don't! not sure what to think!

I need to know the people that don't care about me! and stay away from them!

-----This one girl that likes me; Ive waited and waited to have any clue on how to ask her out! I have no idea and Im never ready! Im to frightened!

Im having a hard time getting the wrong people out of my life!

possibly I have to learn to leave the wrong people alone! and trust God! Im not sure!