My brother, ladies an gentlemen. Not as bad as some, worse than anyone. Less said, the better. Frankly can't believe I even said THAT. Holy Mother of Jesus Fucking Christ on th' Cross. On a Pogo stick or somethin'. IS HE SERIOUS? Nah. He's some LA BDSM cunt. I, however, am a drunken but dangerous and entirely celibate TORONTO MOTHERFUCKER, WHO IS USED TO COLD WEATHER. "Smell ya later." indeed. INDEED! RAW!

WOW!

After a somewhat uncomfortable time, had a nice chat with me dad. Not bad, I must say! He thought the Shadow never killed people. I begged to differ. I was proven to be correct, even though he maintains that the Shadow, that he listened to on the radio never killed people. (I guess he missed that part. I asked my sainted Irish Mother if the Shadow ever killed people and she assured me HE DID. "On the radio?" I asked. "Oh, yes." sez she. Also, gotta lotta insights on the man who was my grandfather (My Dad's dad.) NOT BAD!

@Hatter-I'd like to ask you about calling the crisis line. I'm too chickenshit to call the crisis numbers I've been given!

Good-One of my former coworkers is going to be on Jerry Springer. This has boosted morale for everyone whose been at my work place for a while. And it's funny. Better than knowing someone that has been on America's Most Wanted.Also, I'm slowly adapting to Remmy's death and living at Mom's (So is Stewie dog. But he still doesn't eat all his breakfast unless someone sits with him).Also came up with a good boook idea. Now I just have to write the damn thing; am working on the outline, and will be writing it in the mornings while @ Coffee now :)

Bad-Meds have been affecting me more than usual lately; lots of nausea late in the evenings. Going to try eating a bit before I take them, see if that helps. Still having issues of not sleeping that well. I keep on waking up randomly whenever; and mom gets up way earlier than I do which...doesn't help with the waking up randomly thing.

All things considered, this hasn't been a horrible week. I've got ideas of things I can do around here to stave off boredome and keep my brain from going batty n ow that I'm in the middle of nowhere. My depression was horrid, but now that I've recovered mostly from my concussion and the move... has leveled out a bit.

@Hex-your problems still feel awful to you, though. They're your problems and your emotions, and its okay to have them. Just because something horrible happens to someone else, doesn't make your pain or suffering less. Like, just because someone got killed somewhere, it'd be silly for someone with the flu to feel bad for being sick because someone had it worse; when you feel bad, you feel bad.

@Robin: I also own a ridiculous number of comics; all of Marshal Law, about a hundred and fifty monthly issues of Hellblazer, and the entire run of Lobo with its voluptuous 90's artwork. Oh, and all of Frank Miller's work from his pre-whores period. Take a browse through my collection next time you're here.

I went on a trip to New Mexico. I went on a plane for the first time since 1996. Being somewhere else was pretty fabulous. Fresh eggs every morning, a sky that was staggeringly clear by night, a simple and natural environment. It was a clay house constructed by some German hippy 30 years ago, who just kept adding to it as he went. I've never been anywhere so quiet.

Freelance work seems to be showing it's head on the horizon. I could definitely use it.

My neihborhood has remained unscathed by the hurricane, and that's pretty awesome.

The BAD:

Well, the trip that was supposed to be a ROAD trip ended up being a working-on-a-farm-constantly trip, and our departure date kept getting pushed back ad back and ended up just being a quick dash home in a rental car, with me looking like an asshole for explaining that I'd been promised to get back in time for Comic Con and needed to get back earlier than that Monday. I was dismissed repeatedly. As I slept in the car on our direct drive through Kansas, my friend veered off the highway [ EDITED AND REDACTED ] We were read our rights, photographed, questioned separately while recorded, every bit of evidence was photographed, and was told that we were facing five felonies apiece.

We were let go. We were told that we may be called back for court, depending on what the judge wants to do, largely dependent on whether or not they get a bigger haul than us. We drove straight from Kansas City to NYC the following day. I got home at around 5 in the morning, but by the time I got to Comic Con on Sunday it was just closing down. I missed meeting Peter Davidson. That's something I'd dreamt of since I was in grade school. I bawled.

I had promised my friend I'd go with her on a road trip ("as long as I can be back for Comic Con," I'd said) and because of that I ended up muscled into canceling plans I'd had to help with a really awesome Doctors & Artists event. I ended up getting to attend neither, nor did I even get to go on a road trip. I feel rather used. One of my few remaining friends from long ago, one of my best friends for ages, and I've been totally used.

Y'know, and there's still a chance I could go to jail.

Also, I had tickets to see Louie CK, and spending three days in a row at the fellow's house I totally got the date wrong and missed it.

Also, remember that test about my heart? Well, the doctor said that the test was fine. However, when I checked my online records, it seems there were some abnormalities. So. I'm ok as of now, but.... I seem to show some signs of something possibly wrong in the future. Which might mean the bad diagnosis. I don't know. And now with everything in this part of the country gone to hell, I've got to wait some time to return to my medical quest.

Also, I seem to suddenly owe $300 in electricity bill from over the summer, and my inflatable mattress has now sprung a leak, so I'm sleeping on the floor. My spine is not happy and I am in great pain.

The OTHERS:

Hey Flecky, hang on, friend! I've still got a postcard to mail you. I've got to find that damned thing. You still in the same spot?

Oldhat, man getting back in shape, when you've had such a medical thing going on, egad! It's rough. I've been slowly gaining weight over the past two years, and even while on blood sugar and hormone medication. Exercise is so hard to start again when you've been though legitimate health horribleness. I wish you awesomeness.

Flabyo, my goodness, man. I can't imagine going through a week like that. Death shouldn't echo like that, though it so often does. My condolences, man.

@roo, sure thing! DM on facebook or e-mail me at wornoldhat at gmail dot com and will answer to the best of my abilities.

@hex, Nah, your problems are your own. No competition going on here! Also I do love your comics. Will gladly borrow more from both you and Ian once I finish this batch! Again, thanks to you both for loaning me these titles.

@Rachael, Ugh..it really is. After months of being forced to take it easy it's tough to get back in to things. Even long walks, which I LOVE going on are wearing me out more easily.

Having just told my oldest remaining friend about my eventful October trip, he instructed me to no longer speak to my second oldest friend, the one who brought e along with her on the road trip that wasn't. "I've said it before, she SUCKS. Don't be friends with her any more. I know you don't have many friends, but that is offensive. Don't hang out with her." He's probably right.

And then, to top it all off.... the photographs, the only saving grace of my doomy trip this October, have been noticed by friends and it's been demanded that they be taken down. I borrowed money I don't have from the fellow to buy a new lens for my supposed road trip, and... egad. I actually burst into tears after I hugn up the phone.

Also, I have either a bladder infection or a new kidney stone. Can't tell which, but I'm popping cranberry pills and vitamin C like a mofo.

Also, my great uncle died. He was 96 (?) and wanted to go, so his death is't really so sad. However, I liked the guy, and I like his branch of the family. They're all the wierdos that my family totally isn't. But this means that I'll be going to a funeral next week and seeing all the dad-side family (Catholic yet Ayn Rand types) I try and avoid.

Also, I've been getting crazy emails from my crazy mom, telling me about how my stepfather is planning his suicide because of impending dementia.

nnnnggggggggggh.

Others:

if you be american, I sure hope you vote today. Everyone else.... wish us luck. I hope we don't fuck this up.

I'm going through a fucking horrible murk-patch at the moment, and it's really hard: There are a lot of jizz-deposit slagoids around me in this rehab - wannabe gangsta little fucktrons, giving it the pseudo, " You feel me, blood. I will pop-a-cap-in-yo-ass. I will knock-you-out, bro!" Don't get me wrong - none of them are saying that crap to me, as I'm a seasoned-vet and twice their age. Buncha sad, little...*skull-grinding replacing words*

Today, in Group - a crap word to describe sitting in a circle to moan - I got to the closest of feeling a genuine emotion that wasn't based on spite, malice and hatred of these people. I should show a bit of empathy, as they are probably just scared under the bullshit.

Anyway, a couple of the people I do like are going through some rough-shit, and it brought up stuff about being abandoned by a Higher Power when I've been trying my best in life - AND...

Partner is due to give birth to fourth child at any point now. Which I'm sure will be lovely once it's happened, but not before or during. She's got to cope with the kids and the school run and I'm two and a half hours away during the day, and only half thinking about work, which is just as relentless as ever. I want a big drink but can't have one until it's all over. I will drink to the retirement of my testicles from active service, because I'm sure as hell not going through all this again voluntarily. I hate all this reproduction stuff, it's scary, messy and makes me wish I was a cyborg and could just reproduce with solder and circuits and software.

The badFeel bloody awful... exhausted, tense, irritable, which is making the above worse. Partner is like a zeppelin crossbred with a velociraptor, understandably so. I'm also feeling guilty for being such a miserable bastard about everything, when everyone keeps saying 'ooh, you must be really excited', but after the last 18 months I'm not going to be happy or calm until it's home safely. I think because the first child took three days of labour and an emergency caesarean to be born, and we spent hours and hours listening to the heart monitor, and there was a moment when my youngest was being born when I thought I'd heard the midwives say 'it's dead', and my heart stopped for about 10 seconds. They hadn't but I don't think I've ever been so terrified in my life.

The goodHeard from a long silent friend. Been putting some effort into relearning my sequencing software, with some kind of faint plan to make music again after 18 months of uselessness.

The plaudits

@Rachael - Jesus, you don't have much luck, truly. Sorry the road trip went sour. Hope you manage to stay out of jail. And condolences for your uncle. @Oldhat - if you find any willpower to spare, send it my way. I've been absolutely fucking hopeless about diet/exercise/mental discipline/sanity preservation for months. But if you did it before, you can do it again. And Yay for chicory and for beer.@Flecky - stay the course and outbastard the bastards

@john - hang in there. You'll soon be a dad. And WHY NOT? You're already a great one. More to Follow.

On the other hand, you could be like my brutha, of my last post. WHATTA CUNT. Seriously, honestly. WHATTA CUNT. Tried. Failed. Tried again. Failed. Last spin. All bets are off. Be cool, ladies and gents.

MY PROBLEMS are stupid and 21C and are of no consequence to anyone but me. And aren't even REAL PROBLEMS. SEE?

Poor Flecky's chewing his bloody arm off and I have more in common with Him, the Cat's Brother than my OWN brother.

Blarg-So. Mom's being inconsistent and insane as usual. Apparently 1 household chore a day means 0 one day, 3 the next, and having to be the one to drive her to/from a colonoscopy on fairly short notice, which I didn't know about because they didn't TELL me, I just happened to overhear it. Today's drama was about ketchup, which they were being bitchy about, ergo I had to apologize for (I thought they didn't want me to use up the last of the ketchup), when what was really upsetting mom and stepdad was work related drama and dad's failing in the local election. I really, really don't think my therapist understands how fucked up things feel here. Still don't feel secure here, still haven't slept that great most of the week. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time here, and generally have been having issues with vertigo, hallucinations, and other shit that the family won't admit exist; or aren't a problem because other people have things worse. (Yes I'm back in the same headspace I was at the step-grandad's. Weeee).

GoodObama won. I was terrified Romney was going to win and I'd be stuck in a conservative hellhole for far longer than I'd like, and with fewer prospects to get the fuck out.

Also: stepdad will be gone most of the weekend to babysit his friend's dog. Its not that I don't like his food; but with one less parental unit around, it'll be one less pile of glass to tiptoe around, yaknow? I take what I can get.

Also made a new friend @ the new coffee place I go to.

Applesauce@JP - not much help here, but at least I can give you a virtual hug? :( Hope things end up well.@Flecky- Keep on fightin. Rawr!

@JP Carpenter: Hugs. Or lots of comfort food. Or whatever it is that makes surviving until the baby is born a little bit easier. Reproduction terrifies me too (and I haven't even been anywhere near it), if that's of any help.