Thursday, December 3, 2009

Chinese Premier Kicks Harper In The Nuts

IT STARTED OFF SO PLEASANTLY. Well, there were all those nasty headlines calling Harper a dink. But other than those, it was nice: they even had him inspect an honour guard of Chinese soldiers. From what I'm told Chinese Premier Wen let pass the opportunity to tell Harper that it was just a sample of a military big and mean enough to crush Canada like the bug we are. That was kind, no?
It was all a ruse to get Harper to let down his guard for the press conference. Then, when Stephen bent over to pick up his glass of champagne, Premier Wen took advantage of the easy target and "woof", Harper took a full wallop in the 'nads.
"Next time, Mr. Prime Minister," Wen said with a smile. "Don't be such a fuckhead. We are now a world power and you can't treat us like we're still building your railroads for five cents a day."
Stephen managed to grunt a reply: "I couldn't agree more, Mr. Premier. I hope you'll visit us."
Back home opposition politicians laughed their asses off. Bob Rae took time out from scheming how he could play Brutus to Ignatieff's rather sclerotic Caesar to take a poke at Mr. Harper: "This just shows why Canada would be better off led by my enormous brain. I have sent a letter to the Conservative Party that they need to end the humiliation of Stephen Harper as leader and put me in his place. In fact, I'll happily lead all three parties simultaneously. Yes, I'm that smart."
NDP Leader Jack Layton also said something but the media pretty much ignored him. Too bad, he actually made a pretty good point. "I told you Harper was an asshole. They even know it in China." Then he pointed out the small matter of Harper being a hypocrite for saying anything on human rights when the Tories were dancing on the broken, tortured bodies of Afghans.
Back in China, Harper later thanked the Premier for helping to distract attention from the Conservatives weak attempt to cover up for the fact that their stimulus package is for shit.