It’s been a while. I’ve been very stressed and very distracted. Please excuse the rambling nature of this as well; it’s late, and I’m flustered. But it mostly is because I haven’t had a thing to write about…until today.I was watching Sex and the City when a quote really stuck out to me: “Can you get to a future if your past is present?”

Now, I have related myself to Carrie Bradshaw since I first watched this show during year nine. But I don’t think I’ve really ever related more to her than in the moment I realized how relevant that quote is to me today (literally, today, as in 20 May).

The ice queen (me) has recently fallen for a boy. Kind of. I’ve fallen for the idea. The first time I’ve fallen for an idea in three years. There is a kicker though. He is friends, best friends, with my ex boyfriend. Apparently a fictitious “man code” makes hooking up acceptable but being more than friends not acceptable. Heartbreak. But the reason this couldn’t progress, I was told, is because Guy doesn’t want to “risk losing a friend.”

The relationship with my ex wasn’t a pretty one. And it ended years ago. He now has a new girlfriend; and they seem happy. I pity her a little, but good for them. I even brought myself to forgive him for all of the shitty things he did to me in the past, in case things with Guy did progress and I’d have to see him in social situations. All for nothing. (Well, I wouldn’t say nothing. The brooding probably needed to stop anyway.)

So, “Can you get to a future if your past is present?” In this situation, no, you can’t. I can’t. My ex ruined high school for me, and now he is ignorantly ruining a situation he doesn’t even know about.