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Monday, May 21, 2012

No way, can I be what I'm not!

Here's a fun fact: I absolutely love musicals. I think it comes from loving The Lion King (yes, it's a musical.). But, second to that, I'd have to say that RENT is my favorite.

With that, I'm listening to Take Me or Leave Me, which got me thinking about how I am and kind of a renewed confidence that being outspoken and "demanding" independence is okay. Demanding sounds really bad.....I guess a better way of saying it would be to say proclaiming independence. Now, I've never been like Maureen where I've had both sexes calling for my attention but I do have a lot of experience in people wanting to accept small parts of me but not the whole package.

Ever since I was young, I've known I was the black sheep in my family. I just did things differently. I was a tom boy, had darker hair than my cousins, I had a 'boy-ish" figure, was more outspoken, and just a lot of stuff. For the longest, I would force myself to be "normal" around my family and then feel really uncomfortable. Overall, it was something I put myself through to fit in and to make my family of all people love me for someone I wasn't.

Now, I am being myself around my family but in a comfortable controlled way and it feels great. I'm learning that just because I am not like my cousins, I am still loved and accepted. I'm also learning that everyone, family or not, have their nitches. Mine is Jesus, as it relates to my family. I'm the "religious" one, which is scary but I have trust in God to help me with that.

To tie this with the song, if you want to love me, I demand you take me for all that I am or leave. That sounds really tough but, that's how it is. I don't mean love in a romantic way but in a friend way, a family way, ect. I'm an all or nothing person. I give my all and I don't like rejection.

I understand that one cannot avoid rejection and that rejection makes a person stronger. I'm living that. I have lived that before. I also understand that not everyone is going to love me but what says I don't have to at least try. You can't be accepted if you never try to be.

To conclude, I have some wise words for you, the reader:

1. Never ever let someone hold you back from being yourself, just hold yourself back in the appropriate times.

2. To the people that are like me in the "Take Me or Leave Me" mentality: Stick with that but don't be afraid to let people in. Trust is huge aspect of this but like I said you can't be accepted if you try to be.

With that, I encourage you to watch RENT (It's a fabulous musical). Look at how you are around people in every aspect of your life. And lastly, don't be afraid of who you are because if you give a damn, take me baby or leave me.