Bland Names®Not least because I'm a vegetarian, I've only had a Big Mac twice in my life, in Atlanta and Kentish Town, London. They tasted (?) exactly the same. Unfortunately, I've had the fish thingy on more occasions than I want to recall. "I don't think McDonald's is about taste. It's about the lives we lead, the quick fix to hunger ....... This place is genuinely cheap. ....... I leave, burping." This comes from Joan Bakewell's, once (still?) known as the thinking man's crumpet, account of her first visit to McDonald's at the age of 71 and was a reminder that their food is crock. Sorry, feeble joke.
Judging by the BMWs and Mercedes parked outside the Jl.Thamrin branch here in Jakarta, I believe that McDonald's is not so much a place to eat as a place to be seen. But not by me.

I equate Coca-Cola with the same philosophy of global domination through blandness and the restriction of choice. Some 18 years ago I set off on a trek through the northern hills of Thailand. My intent was to go so far off the beaten track that I couldn't find a Coke. For me, things go better without it. Predictably, I failed in my quest. And this is why I'm not happy with the news that for a mere £15 million, Coca-Cola will now sponsor the League championship. I do know that they sponsor kids' soccer clinics worldwide, but at what price? Do they have a tie-in with dental clinics as well?

The same question could be asked of Pepsodent whose name is now on fruit flavoured boiled sweets. Do you still have to brush your teeth after sucking on these, or are they another quick fix?

Finally we come to Brylcreem, which most of us will associate with the white gunge barbers used to smear on our hair. I'm not sure if it was meant to keep our hats on our heads or to waterproof our scalps if we weren't wearing a hat. Whatever, there's now a Brylcreem underarm deodorant. I find this change of use particularly interesting because the hunk in the TV ad has hairless armpits. Perhaps it's this that drives the girls crazy.