When you're the friend...

People often advise loved ones to "stop thinking about it" or say, "You could always adopt." Although you may think you are comforting someone by telling her about your pal who got pregnant after three miscarriages, hold back. "Don't try to solve the problem, because you can't," cautions SELF contributing editor Catherine Birndorf, M.D.

Instead, simply say, "I love you and want to support you in any way that I can." Then make a serious and specific gesture; infertility patients suggest offering a hand to hold at a doctor's appointment or buying a mutual friend's baby gift to spare your pal the pain of doing it herself.

When you're the patient...

Infertility patients hand their life over to an inexact science; their personal information is the one thing they can still control. Dr. Birndorf advises opening a conversation by saying, "I want to tell you something, but I don't want you to ask me a million questions." If someone says something insensitive, she adds, stop and explain that she has hurt your feelings, however unintentionally. If you believe reaching out to others in your situation could provide comfort, find a support group at Resolve.org.