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When you almost run into your ex-husband’s mistress turned girlfriend

Normally, my arrangement with Grayheart is that I drop off the kids to him and he brings them back to me. We’ve read in a few books that it’s easier on kids to not feel like they’re being “taken” from their parent’s house by the other parent.

Last night we switched it up because I was coming home from dinner and thought it’d be easier to pick them up on my way home. I asked him to bathe our youngest (He-man, my 3 yr old son) so I didn’t have to deal with it when I got home.

Somehow he misunderstood. So when I arrived, little He-man had not been bathed. I was visibly annoyed so Grayheart offered to bathe him quickly. I waited in the living room. She-ra, my 6 yr old daughter, then exclaims “Mami! Why don’t you meet Raggedy Ann! I want to introduce you to her! She’s upstairs!”

WHAT THE FUCK?!

So I calmly, coolly and tauntingly said out loud “Why yes! Why doesn’t she come down so we can meet?”

Grayheart bolted over and pleaded with me to please not put She-ra in the middle of the situation and drop it.

I took a look at my innocent daughter who was excited for introductions and decided to drop it. I said I would meet her at another time since she was probably in the bathroom.

I was pissed!

I don’t know what I would’ve done. A million things went through my mind.

She’s a freaking wimp. No one would ever have me hiding.

I’m glad the bitch is scared of me.

I’m going to punch her once in the face. Just one knock out.

Do I smile and pretend to be pleased to meet her in front of the kids?

Do I threaten to kick her ass at a later time?

Do I call her a whore or a skank?

Should I roundhouse kick her?

Which eye should I spit in?

Do I thank her for taking him off my hands and congratulate her for having my sloppy seconds? He’s your problem now, bitch!

Do I run up the stairs and further I intimidate her?

Should I walk out the door and wait in the car? (Hell no!)

I’m going to take my sweet ass time in his house and walk around like o own the place.

Once I quickly recovered from my shock, I hissed at him “You have your fucking girlfriend here?!”

You know what his response was? To put it back on me! “You never asked.”, he said deadpan. (So typical for him to immediately respond with a way to blame me when backed into a corner.) And then he realized how dumb he sounded and apologized. I never go inside his house and, of course, this time I did. He didn’t think and didn’t know what to do.

I was seething. But I held myself together and waited patiently in the living room for the kids.

It was awkward, to say the least. But then it got me thinking… I will meet her eventually. She’s around my kids and our paths will cross. How do I handle that first time we do meet?

I hate Grayheart for giving me this headache. How am I supposed to treat a woman that was complicit in the breakup of our marriage? (Yes, I know I’m better off. Yes, I know it’s him that I’m to hold responsible. Yes, I know we had issues before her.) But, realistically, she is a weasel and disrespected me and my family. I can’t just let her think I’m a doormat and okay with that kind of crap!

I know I’ll get over it and eventually have no feelings towards her. But this is now. And I don’t think I’m a big enough person at this point to turn the other cheek.
Suggestions are welcome! I’d love to hear how you may have handled it if you’ve ever been in the situation! Did I do the right thing last night?

As a slightly funny thing, as I was waiting in the foyer, I noticed her flip flops by the front mat. I was going to kick them outside the front door since it was raining and they’d get soaked. Yes. Total third grade behavior but it was that kind of moment. As I started to, Grayheart walked out and I quickly acted like nothing happened and was unable to fully complete my immature stunt. Hmpf!

Today’s mantra: Take it easy. You leave to the Caribbean tomorrow for your bff’s wedding. Let it go! (And how awesome there is a rainbow today?!)

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35 thoughts on “When you almost run into your ex-husband’s mistress turned girlfriend ”

This will never be an easy thing to understand nor accept, and emotions will seem to forever run high. It is hard to ‘know’ people motives, so be thoughtful about what you believe went on and is going on. The head cannot steer the heart – It seems you realize this, and all your maternal instincts are in high gear … There is little you can control about him, only yourself, your thoughts, and your feelings. I think the blog helps a lot … Keep your distance, and yes the time will come where you have to meet, but don’t live in that future. Stay present, be the best at who you are …

I say take the high road, primarily for your kids’ sake, not hers, or his. Living well is the best revenge, and with all the trips you’ve taken lately, it sounds as if you’re well on the way. Of course, a roundhouse to the side of her head wouldn’t suck…but jail and court would. Just wait til he has to meet the next guy you date, or live with. Hopefully he’s a hottie and makes your H throw up in his mouth a bit every time he sees him. 😃

Thanks, amigo. I know… Jail would suck! Lol! But how cool would a story about my ninja skills be?
And, thankfully, my new beau is soooo hot! I love when the kids mention to my ex how cool and good looking he is (from pics)! 😉
Thanks for keeping me straight!

Hahahahaha your points on what would you have done had you met her cracked me up. For me, I would love it if my soon to be ex meets someone. I believe it may soften him. A little bit. So I’m actually waiting impatiently for that moment lol. Having said that, I’m not sure how I would react though when it comes to our kids and how they would feel about that person. My claws are right there in hiding hehe

First of all, that cat is freaking scary looking! You’re a better person than me. I would’ve kicked the flip flops into a puddle. Have fun at the wedding! I’m sure that it’s going to be a wonderful time!

Just think of the kids when you encounter her. They will suffer it turns into a huge mess. Be as nice with her as you possibly can because then you won’t be the mean one. Just ask her politely how far on she is in her pregnancy (as nobody who’s not pregnant doesn’t like to hear that…). I mean something mean has to be said, right? Or drop something down the line “enjoy him as long as he sticks around. You know he’s done it before and there are many other women out there…”. Always with a smile on your face thought and the kids out of the room…

I don’t know why but I just got this post in my reader. I know exactly how u must feel. I once had a text conversation with my ex husbands mistress (and current girlfriend). I know she is a pretty girl (and more than 10 years younger than me), but the bimbo had an IQ of a piece toast.

I’d really love to hear it. Please write about it if you ever feel you can.
If I reflect back to when I first found out, I can still easily remember waking up wishing it was all a bad dream and that I could sleep forever because reality was too awful to go through. I’m glad we’ve come far. Xoxo

One of the things I might do, is have a conversation about introducing partners to the children, I never know the answer to this, but I didn’t meet my step son for at least 6 months and I think it was closer to a year. While Greyheart can inisist that it is going to work out he already doesn’t have a good track record.

But otherwise I would bite my tongue and maybe fantasise dropping them both off the white cliffs of dover

Hi!! I always love to hear from you. Thank you for sharing how you’d handled it and how you’d handle it now. It’s great advice and is very helpful when I put it all in perspective.
(And Captain is wonderful! Thx for asking!)
Hope you are well. XO

I will be in a similar position in the future. And all I want to say to her. Is good luck – once a cheat always a cheat. At least you know what you’ve got to look forward to… but I know this is not a good idea. We need to be strong for our children and help them learn what appropriate behaviour is.

Thank you! I wish you the best in that future.
As hurtful as the whole experience has been, I know my ex will never change and I’m grateful he never pushed to reconcile. He’s her problem now and I’m free of that burden. Being strong for me and kids is all I need to do now. Thanks for the encouragement and support. Xo