I don't really like the word blog, but it seems pointless to fight it, Zis is a blog.
If you want to know more about an Algerian girl who lives in London and struggles with thoughts that are beyond the remits of her understanding, stories of society and social climbers of love and deception and of a status of seemingly eternal singlehood, then you are in the right place...

Friday, 27 May 2011

Beware of the Tourist

Bank Holiday May is all about rain, umbrellas, sleeping in, and the hope that the trains will be quiet since Londoners are all in Marbella (I don't think so), St Tropez and Devon, but you forget about the flocks of tourists who flood through Heathrow, talking loudly on the train in foreign languages (the langauge part I actually enjoy), blocking the doors, distracting you from the plot of your book and intriguing you with their particular sense of fashion and hair colours!

If like me, you are not going away this weekend, stay away form the following places;

Knightsbridge (at least until 9pm), Hyde Park is a safe place as long as you stay away from the serpentine, Piccadilly is a no go area, Oxford street is forbidden for any proud Londoner, don’t be seen wearing a double denim number walking down China town either, if you have been misguided and end up in any of the places cited above, take care, carry an umbrella, walk at a fast pace, do give dirty looks to any tourist approaching with a map, cross the road if you see herds of Italian or Spanish students on a “spring break” sporting base camp Everest gear, it is London not the Himalayas.

East London is safe for Londoners, South Bank is at your own peril, tourists with large backpacks, who think live statues are AWESOME, take several pictures and then bugger off without paying...I don’t much care for cheap tourists.

These same tourists who get on the tube with their backpacks and fidget like a goat in heat, giving you blood pressure and a few bruises, later on at the station exit, they will stand at the barrier holding their paper tickets and deciding amongst themselves which way it should go and then wait until the barrier is closed to slide the ticket in the machine, BEEEEEP, seek assistance, Oh my god, I think I am going to die!

You think Boris bikes are a local thing, think again, all the tourists are on the know now, there isn’t one bike free in the whole of West London, the only thing that gives me some atonement is the fact they all think it costs a £1 for the whole day, so they keep it with them, only to find the bill from Boris when they get home.

If by miracle, it doesn’t rain this weekend (it will rain of course), but if it doesn’t and you are in the park sunning yourself, you can play “spot the American”, some massive generalisations pointers;
The khaki explorer outfit consisting of the shorts and matching tucked in shirt, did you come to eat steak or excavate in Trafalgar square?, white running shoes with white socks, or the couple with matching rain jackets, and a big a*s SLR camera dangling on their supersized guts.

If like me you can’t take the pressure and you understand that London needs its tourists (not the cheap ones) and because of the obligatory tolerance we Londoners have to show, I prefer to stay at home, of course if you do go away this weekend, feel free to subject the locals to the same touristic stereotypical behaviours they so kindly bestow upon us.

Now, I suspect that since you added that email address we don't get as much posts and posters as before here. Am I wrong or have you diverted the flow of messages from here to there?Du coup, je me sens obligée de combler le "déficit", which is not very good for my productivity...

Naima has left because the boys chased her out! as for the rest maybe some people feel this a community and they're not welcome! who knows! Either way, trust me, they have not deserted, people are reading but not commenting, I have very very HIGH statistics.

I believe you, it's just less fun when people peep and don't post. J'aime l'action!

Méfiante? Yeah maybe, plus "curieuse" de comprendre les choses. That's in my nature really.Wasn't thinking you did that on purpose, just that it was a consequence of the email address. Obviously I was wrong.

DZ-Chick, I think it's funny that a foreigner like you living in the UK pretends to be a native and goes even further than this by complaining about tourists coming to London. May be you need a reality check my dear! I wish that the world is free of such peculiar characters such as yourself. The english people should treat you exactly the way you want (and prompt others) to treat tourists in London.

I am not a tourist by the way just so we are clear, but I find it extremely ignorant and ungrateful of you to write such vehement words!

And please don't tell me you've lived in London long enough to feel that you are a native or that you work and pay taxes, let's not even go there. If you want to treat tourists as badly as you say then you're the first one the British society needs to get rid of...see now tolerant and polite the Brits are, just learn from them godamit!

Where exactly does it say that I am a native again? The clue is in the title "Algerian girl in London" and I am absolutely entitled to express myself and my frustrations even they are clearly expressed very light heartedly here and for fun so your assessment of my words being vehement and ungrateful is wrong.

Furthermore, I live in London and if I want to comment on anything remotely related to my life here, then I shall do so freely and as “vehemently” as I wish to. That’s the beauty of this country and culture, I am FREE and entitled to my opinion, but there are always people like you who will try to suppress a women’s right to expressing herself freely, you’re probably an American who took offence at the running shoes comment. No offence intended by that, you have to learn to recognise humour.

Please don't victimise yourself playing the "suppressed woman" card. This is not a battle of the sexes! Where did I even mention I was a man? May be I am not! But I like it how you wanted to be a victim. You can be if you want! I will even hand you a handkerchief.

You wrote: "because of the obligatory tolerance we Londoners have to show, I prefer to stay at home"

I find it distasteful the way you talk about tourists...especially coming from a foreigner, non-English, wannabe-Londoner.

babes if you'd actually understood my initial comment, i was doubting the fact that you're english. you're probably algerian. take some magnesium pills and some primrose oil and you'll feel much better after ;) xoxox

@ Anonymous,I find it funny how you came to conclusion yourself, on judging DZ-Chick, and tdw. I believe that when you live in a neighborhood for more than a month you become part of it, and whatever is different, could please or bother you, because here it sounds like it’s bothering you. It doesn’t make you a racist or a people hater, it doesn’t make you own the area you live in, you just become part of it.I think that everyone is entitled to express how they feel regardless of who they are, where they are from, don’t tell me that nothing bothers you where ever you live, or work, it’s just human nature. I believe that you are the racist here, treating DZ-Chick of a foreigner, non-English, wannabe –Londoner.DZ-chick did not say she was a Londoner, she is simply commenting on a situation here. Don’t you have things that sometimes bother you? Oh well here is something that bothered you, this comment.Which again I think you are free to express yourself, as very gracefully DZ-Chick let your comments come thru her blog.I think you should get a life, this is 2011, it’s freedom time!Nedjma(star)

Nedjma, you treat me as racist then you talk about being judgmental. How funny! Second, you need to get some reading glasses if you don't see where Dz-chick refers to herself as a londoner. So next time before you butt in make sure you have read properly.

There is a difference between something bothering you such as litter outside, transport being late,...etc, and making a distasteful comment about tourists especially coming from a non-native / foreigner! Take it as a racist comment if you want. I'm detecting a common trait here, victimising oneself!

To you guys who criticise those tourists who just came to have some fun, make yourselves helpful to them the way you found people helpful to you when you first arrived in the UK or wherever you live, rather than "ga3dine trannkou 8naya" ie: treat others the way you want them to treat you.

We "Algerians and/or Arabs" have a strong desire and extreme way in using the "love/hate" words... simply take people the way they are and live and let live.

Sorry for my poor english, I am learning to express myself without too much "rnaka" ;-)

This post is for fun, everybody finds cheap and uninformed tourists annoying, ridiculous or funny, they get in the way, form crowds and delay us, but we live with it and we DO help them, that is a given, so much so, I did not think I needed to mention it, I focused on the funny side which you obviously cannot see, probably because of the sense of humour failure you seem to be suffering from.

I am allowed to be annoyed, frustrated, happy or helpful because the last time I checked this was a free country, and what gives me even more rights is that as you so kindly pointed, I do live here, work and pay taxes, and I pride myself in being an exemplary London AND tourist, who never get in the way of the locals when travelling, so much so I am always mistaken for a local anywhere I go (expect in Scandinavia for obvious reasons, I am not albino) ohh is that another racists comment? BAD BAD Dz-Chik

Guys chill out, each to their ownHowever I do have some reservations DZC. You thought before you were white, and I could not talk you out of thinking it, luckily there were some random contributors who explained to you.However for Londoner you are right, you are one (however be aware that if you live in East London you will not be a cockney automatically).DZC was expressing her frustration with tourists, which is just light humour and of course she appreciates the economic and cultural benefits tourists bring to London.I think Salim might be referring to some breed of Algerians who change the moment they get naturalised. I.e. they will be suddenly anti-immigrant or they will switch to political party allegiance.I have seen a lot of this, what can you do, people tend to forget what they come from.Not saying DZC is one, but just trying to find a common ground.Anonymous

"You thought before you were white, and I could not talk you out of thinking it, luckily there were some random contributors who explained to you." Hello!! where did this come from now!! I always said I was a brunette, I never refered to MY race or my skin colour.

I was just disputing your logic behind "white girls" I said a blonde with blue eyes or a ginger from Algeria are not white simply because they are Algerians!!It is not logical.

The logic was explained to you, it is just convention for historical reasons, just like the way Americans refer to natives as Indians.Anyways let's not dwell on this. The bottom line is you are making satrical humour out of tourists, and it should be taken as such, lightly that is.

@ Anonymous with the silly and out of topic question:I don't need to drink to feel I belong to any society! Do you really think I lack social qualities to resort to the drinking purely to belong!!! I think NOT.

@ Anonymous Salim,“You treat me as a racist” who’s victimizing oneself here? ;)I only treated of a racist because your comment made you look like it, the post of DZ-Chick was supposed to be a funny observation of an everyday life around town when tourists are around; you turned it into a drama situation.I think as Algerians, no matter how bad of a character we are, we still some of the most helpful people around, some of us might have a bad temper, a bad character, we can be mean, living in our own world, but when it comes to helping others, especially tourists, you know well that we are very good to others, no matter what. I butt in? This is a blog my friend, for everybody to comment, agree, disagree, give their opinions, as we both are doing, this is how we make a world. We agree to disagree right?And again, we are entitled to say what bothers us, even if it’s tourists, so what? It just an opinion.And who’s victimizing oneself?? Because you’re right I don’t see it anywhere, and again maybe you’re right that I need glasses, so I need your eye docs number, because obviously you need glasses too, because you didn’t get the point of this article.Salim, it seems that you are one of those “hozia” Radjla wana be that think that they are so tolerant za3ma des tourist, again everybody is free to express themselves, yakhi hala yakhi!!

Why are people starting to intimidate?Why are there so many people with black hearts?Why are there so many hypocrites?Why are there so many ***holes?Why les moustaches? We3leche les moustaches? ou 3leche elbeggara?Why are there so many people with psychological problems?Why do they think they can make us trust them if they just use religion to brainwash us and fool us into implying they are decent people?Why are these people as tight as hell and love money to death?Why are they usually the same people who have a beard and try to preach everyone else?Why are they usually thieves and people who use bribery?Why hatred in the name of Islam? Why?Anonymous

@Amnesiac: who forgot to start his blog, my drinking alcohol or not concerns me and only me, enta tani wlid houmti waqila!! lol

You don't know where I come from, how I grew up, stop the judgment and worry yourself with other things.

Only an Algerian can judge another Algerians lifestyle, because he will assume they grew up the same or should think alike, their knowledge of Algerian society is restrained to within his HOUMA, anything else is Alien, dangerous, infidel and western wannabe.

LOL - Well I loved your post. I should have taken your advice and stayed in all weekend! Instead I hit the road and the people! Man, the South Bank was literally like a beach in ferment, huts an' all...keep the posts coming. I am loving them.

@ Salim,Wallah Dahaktni!!! ya3tik essaha :)And this is true, and not sarcastic, I really love your insult( lamba mahrouga LOL), and instead of getting upset, I laughed my heart out and you made my day:) Wallah twaheshet had les insults, as we got into this routine of a fast life, away from l’bled, I forgot most of these little sweet insults, it is beautiful finally!Ok I can see your point; maybe DZ-Chick was having a bad morning. the bottom line, it's just her opinion, and we have to just let express herself.Well back home, don’t you meet people who constantly complain of outsiders, even though we are all from oum wahda, but we still all different without deep thoughts and opinions,At least I thing that DZ-Chick is saying things with a very” open” honesty, she is opening herself to us, with a truth, that no Algerian woman will ever dare to do, a lots of these women do a lots of things but they play it serious, b’nat familya as they say fi bladna sah? But ya Salim, with all these anonymous people posting in here negatively it is hard to know who's who? And it made you look like an angry somebody trying to pick fights so that was not all you and my bad if I offended you that was not my mean.Bessah ya weld blade ghir dahaktni , I will remember this for a long time.Allah yahafed ya ben 3ami.

Will need a few macchiatos to make sense of which anonymous is which and ages to read all the comments.As usual we go from a light-hearted post about going out and about in London by someone who lives in London (and hence called a Londoner!)to morality policing.It's about time they added Jumping to Conclusions to the Olympics(gold medal guaranteed!)My guess anonymous who ended with Godamit ! has something to do with elmarikan which explains him being offended, maybe he wears the same gear and acts the same abroad :)And yes Im Algerian Londoner and white, deal with it :)ML

Well, it is true that being anonymous makes us intrigued, curious, but if we have something to differentiate and recognize all the anonymous contributors to this blog it would be great and less confusing, let say adding signing with a nick name, an initial, a number. Cheers.

Nedjma or should I say" E LAMBA EL MAHROUGA" PS: I kinda like that nick name;)

First macchiato:My guess is some people still carry with them the complex of their algerianity(in the sense when abroad they should be thankful to their hosts who are much better than them :)) and assume that if you happen to be in britain its only the brits who are entitled to mock them(they would accept it because the brits are tolerant and polite !), even if you have a british passport you are not british enough for them by the way, and if you say you're white you confuse them because white where they live stands for their caucasian masters. These people live in planet mcdonald, where mocking the chinese, the french and italians is hilarious if done by an idiot like Sandler, but an algerian is banned from mocking anybody because they're not born in states or uk themselves ! ML

Macchiato number 2:are you one of those algerians who drink just to mix and mingle and feel like part of the western society :) are you one of those algerians with a complex who wishes he could drink but can't because he has to fit in with eastern society? and has to put his foot in it and decide what people can and can't do ! you fit the stereotype nicely!

belonging and not forgetting where one comes fromWhat is it with these people, do they think we're one big family and they're concerned or ashamed for each and every single algerian on this planet who happens to live his life differently to theirs?this is mental! thats all I can say.Need a double macchiato :)ML

Since we are in 2011, I figured out if it was not for the internet we would not be here communicating.I also found that there is a site called Wikipedia, where people can share knowledge.I found this:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_people

This line in particular looks interesting:“The most used definition of a "white person" is a person of European ancestry.[1]However, the definition of a "white person" differs according to geographical and historical context ……[DZC corner case here]……..”Sorry to disappoint you guys, you are allowed to think you are white because of your palenessBut as indicated in the Wiki, for most people you are not. Oh and let us not get started on you getting brown once you step back home because of the nature of your skin.

It is written by thousands of people and corrected the first minute someone tries to write some nonsense, is not that supposed to be more subjective ?You don't get the point, my intervention was purely for education and promoting discussion about common misconceptions.It was not to make DZC admit she got it wrong, I don't need that and I know it will never happen as I know you very well now.What surprises me Is how shocked some people are when they find out the truth, I swear even a white person would not be so shocked or bothered whether he is considered white or not.And then they try to teach others about inferiority complex. Come on wake up, get a grip! Anonymous

I am Algerian, not American godamit!It was obviously too much to ask for a bit of politeness and respect! And I don't see what inferiority complexes have to do with this! You guys are good at personal attacks.

Algerians are far from being one large family. It's interesting however how they share some common traits, one of them being "stubbornness" and the inability to accept criticism no matter why, what, where or from whom!

Why is this American/DZ dude so angry!! You criticised me, I published your comment and answered you, now if I don't happen to agree with you, does't make me stubborn or unwilling to "learn" it's just what it is...I DONT AGREE WITH YOU.You really need to chill out ;)

awwwwwwwwwww so sweet. i don't really write. that article (or whatever it was) was inspired from a traumatic cubicle experience from when i had just started working.i'll send you some music when i have some next at some point and we can maybe collaborate for a multimedia blog post experience ;) .

actually, ........ on a hunch, with no real rationale and without giving it too much thought, i think Anonymous likes you DZC. he knows you (so he claims) and obviously, reading your blog he's peered inside your persona and it would seem he likes what he sees (pun intended) :p

if i were a lawyer or a psychologist or both (which i sometimes wish i were), that would be my case (to answer).

It's Zombretto day !I think anonymous(the one who so wants to help his fellow countrymen get a grip !) went to the BNP School of Dermatology :) only school where quoting wikipedia is considered as knowledge !DZC is clearly stating white meaning fairer skin as simple as that, you clearly confused white with Aryan and caucasian , its your complex and your subserviance to those you consider white(and hence superior to you),DZC made the mistake to even think she might share the skin color of that superior race you so revere, how can she ? she can tan so quick :)Once again its not about race ok? its about skin color.And your hilarious scientific skin tanning test would disqualify the whole of Spain which last time I checked is in Europe.And stop this idiotic "stubborness is an algerian trait" complex(another one! you need a shrink not DZC blog).ML

What theory? Well we're not in elementary school; he hits me because he likes me! BUT you might be right, I think he LOVES ME! Even though he claims he has a girlfriend, I am sure secretly he's dying to meet me and to loooooove me ;)

hahahaha that's the spirit, he lurrrrrrrvvvvvvvvvvvvvves you & wants to slurrrrrrrrpppppppppp yoou. you will find that, more often than not, the mechanics of flirting are pretty basic.i have a feeling you are actually enjoying all this random anonymous virtual loving :p .

i tend to keep work effort to a minimum in my day and keep my energy for post-work activities.