Monthly Archives: October 2014

I toddled off to another doctor through the week. This doctor was looking at me and how I can handle things like at work etc. He reads my report and looks at the list of my complaints: Brain Tumour, Cushing’s Syndrome, Obesity caused from over use of steroids, lupus, blood clot and osteoporosis, a side affect of the medications. The list just went on and on. He asked me about the medications I am on presently and if I was going to be a life long user of warfarin. I told him no, when they wean me off the many drugs I am on. He then asked me what happens then? I said well I get to pay less for my drugs and life will go on.

He then asked me if I had an “Out Strategy” I asked what he meant. His explanation was when they take me off all of these drugs I could be in more pain, and that it could shorten my life and my ability to work and partake of other activities. Back up Shorten my life? I already know that how long I live is in the hands of God. I was told I could go in a second or twenty years, right from the start. So I have faced death it doesn’t scare me, as I know I am going to go. What scares me is what happens afterwards. What happens to my children and my possessions.

This doctor pushed me to explain to him that yes I understand and I have an “Out Strategy”. My strategy is to stay alive long enough that my youngest child is an adult. at this point in time all is set up for family and friends. I have changed arrangements, as children get older and reach adulthood. At this point I only have one under age and should I go, her older sibling’s with the assistance of family and friends will raise her.

I have no other options my kids only have me and each other. We are the great wall of China, we might be crumbled in some area’s and my not reach each other but on the whole we are one entity. I am proud of my children and how they pull together when it really counts.

So my “Out Strategy” is to outsmart this tumour, wait for a cure and just keep on keeping on. I want to watch my children graduate from school and universities. I want to see them happy and settled I want to hold my first grandchild. I have too much to live for and too many medical bills to pay to die yet.

How do you celebrate grandparents day without grandparents. I loved my grandfather and Granya. I adored my great aunts and learnt so much from them and especially love. My mum passed away years ago. She was close and had a wonderful relationship with my eldest Daughter, she had a relationship with my niece Christine. But as for the army that followed she sadly passed away and didn’t get to meet them. I remember how excited she was when I was pregnant with my big bear, she passed away a few weeks before he was born.My Da was wonderful with my kids, with all his grandkids.

He was the strong male role model in their life. But with this my children missed out on grandparents from their father’s side. All four of my kids love Bob. They adore him. He just treats them equally. I joked with my son today about grandparents day, and he said he would only be interested in sending love to Bob the others concurred with him. They said they knew that any resent contact with their father had been at Bob’s instigation. He made trips and holidays bearable. When he wasn’t there trips were worse.

I wont go into great detail about the issues the kids had. But when Bob was around they felt safe. I must admit I felt better. I have a lot of respect for that man. I regret my children didn’t have a continuous relationship with him, but that is the problem of their father. Not taking them on a regular basis. Only bothering with them every now and then. I would like the kids to get Bob’s contact details to talk to him, they won’t because they think that will then mean contact with others they would rather not deal with. But such is life.

Each day I take the drive to work, I pass through some wonderful country side. I pass the dam, which is low. At night I know the junjeries are there, I see their eyes; I talk to them and tell them not to follow me home.

I see the horses being trained at the stables. They prance and dance. Sometimes I see kids learning how to ride. I see the scar tree that I hope remains there; it’s been there for years I don’t want the road to encroach on it and destroy it as its part of the Heritage of the Qandamooka mob.

I see the two white mini buses pull up and African women exit it and walk over the road to the farm to work. My hope is that they are getting fair wages for the work they do. I see the road side stall selling their produce and

I see the school kids walk to the nearby schools and the pile up of traffic, mums walking the kids in before heading off to the gym, for their daily Zumba session or boot camp. I feel for the Hassled mums doing the run before heading off to work.

I see the slow drivers who don’t know where they are going. The Drivers who cut everyone off, the drivers who duck and weave in and out of the traffic to get ahead. The tree loping trucks slowing down the traffic as they do their job to make sure the beautiful trees don’t drop limbs on the road or on the power lines.

I see some wonderful sunsets in the afternoon and I see rainbows after the rain. I love the jacarandas flowering and raining down their purple bounty, it still returns me to a time in my life when that was magical.

I see a man pull over and get a bag of rubbish out of his car and put it in some ones wheelie bin and drive off. I watch as others pull over and grab the bags of manure, but don’t put money in the honesty box. I see the duck eggs and goose eggs for sale and the day old chicks. I often want to stop and buy a baby duck. My kids are with me on that one. Maybe one day I will have a duckling. But until then I will continue with my drive to work.

I love to see people standing up for what is right and for their rights. I admire the bravery.

It is really brave of one person to stand against many for what is right. Who can forget the lone protester in Tiananmen Square. What about Rosa Parks. She was just sick and tired or being sick and tired. as she so eloquently put it. Whistle blowers face a big back lash. Yet some on has to make a stand.

Aboriginal people have been standing up for their rights. Gary Foley led the charge Dennis Walker was a wonderful man and leader. He stood up for what was right. Many helped to change the way things were done. But it all starts off with one person. One person can make the difference.

A soldier holding down a position to protect his mates. A soldier running out under enemy fire to save a mate – Bravery.

Bravery comes in many shapes and forms. It can be that one step to get out of the house in the morning. It can be finally taking a trip some where. Moving house or moving state. Brave moves brave actions.

I have seen bravery in action. I have seen one person up against the machine. I have seen one person start and others join in. It comes to mind the lines of the song “Just what makes that little old ant think he can move that rubber tree plant. Every one knows an and can’t move a rubber tree plant. But he’s got High hopes, he’s got high hopes…”you know the rest and then “Ooops there goes another rubber tree plant.”

All it takes is one person to face down the bullies, to stand up to the governments to change the face of what sometimes is wrongly accepted as the norm.

Mental health is in the spotlight, having just finished with a week where people are openly talking about mental health issues. But what happens for the rest of the year? Oh that’s right it just gets pushed under the mat again. I have heard on so many radio stations, television and social media about what we can do to help. Let’s raise funds to help with research.

But really it doesn’t have to be monetary. Just saying hello and smiling. Genuinely asking how someone is and actually listening. Depression is a strange one. How do you rate and understand something that is understandable. We know more about the dark side of the moon than we do about the brain.

Some say mental illness, is all in the mind! All you have to do is suck it up and move on. Mental illness has been around since humans began walking upright. Words have an effect calling names we know. You want to hurt someone words work best. But what is going on inside the brain, why does name calling affect us? How come some people go through hell and back and survive and others fold up, crumble and the slightest thing.

My Bear suffers and once some rude ignorant person said he couldn’t really suffer depression, because he can wag school and laugh with his mates. His response was yeah its all fun but really its just like ashes in my mouth. Its nothing its grey it doesn’t fit. Profound, Huh?

During the week I heard a person supposedly educated talking about acquired brain injury and how this can cause all sorts of problems, emotional, psychological and physical. He said some people with ABI have suicidal thoughts and don’t understand the emptiness. But others, well that’s their problem. REALLY! If I could have jumped through the radio and strangled that idiot I would have. He in one stroke put down people with mental health issues. It’s alright to be suffering if you have a real injury that you can show. But not if you have hidden emotional scars.

Mental health? no it’s total health you can’t have a healthy body or soul if you don’t have a sound emotional state. Anxiety is hard… Depression is harder. I know I suffer it now but was in denial for ages about it. It took a suicide attempt for me to realise that. Ironic considering I was so ill I wasn’t expected to live. But something some glimmer of a spark inside me kept me going.

That same glimmer, is in most people who suffer depression or any other mental health issue. They are stronger than you think. They are survivors. They are believers. They are the faith holders. They are not taking the easy way out. It isn’t easy to think of ending your life and thinking of the mess you leave behind.

I could keep on going but I will stop now and leave you with one thing to do. Smile every day at least once. Try to smile at a stranger. Look in the mirror and tell that person who is looking back at you that they are a wonderful human being. That they are beautiful

We need the AMS and Medicare Locals to work together for our mob. Not everyone goes to an AMS. there simply aren’t enough of them. But we need to make the government accountable for health funding. The Government needs to look at the cost of non PBS drugs and help with this, because our mob can’t afford a lot of the Cancer medicines or even the migraine medications

The most effective and sustainable way to engage Aboriginal people is the community controlled model, underpinned by principles of self-determination and community development. Real savings and progress in healthy outcomes for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people can only be made by shifting expenditure on hospitals to Comprehensive Primary Health Care providers, who deliver preventative treatments.

NACCHO reject proposed additional healthcare costs, in the form of a GP co-payment and a rise in the cost of accessing PBS medicines, which would discourage Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander patients seeking preventative health care and proactively managing chronic disease. Reducing the Medicare Benefit Schedule (MBS) rebates and incentives would impact the capacity of Aboriginal Community Controlled Health Services (ACCHS) to develop and maintain a sustainable service delivery model.

Recommit to the funding of health promotion and early intervention programs, which deliver long-term benefits through improved health and wellbeing and reduce the burden…

Latest check with the hospital my last eye surgery to remove cataract went well. All is Clear. I now can see beautifully out of both eyes. But The doctor is not willing to do further surgery yet. I had major damage from the cataracts that was caused by the bad Chemo and drugs.

My recovery time is too long so the doctor is not willing to do the surgery yet. Am I upset about this? No, I am not, I am sick of surgeries hospitals and pain. I am happy to live with this and let my eyes heal properly and wait for a while. He says maybe a year. It took about two months for the first eye to heal properly. The second eye is still healing, there is some scratching but that’s part of it all. Again it all boils down to my health and I heal slowly. But I am so grateful to be able to see. I can drive again. I can see the mess in my house that the kids hoped I wouldn’t see.

But one of the strange things is that with my brain tumour one of the issues I had was photosensitivity, so now after months of seeing grey or nothing the photosensitivity has gone! One doctor said that sometimes these things happen. It’s the brain, that incredible muscle. It got used to seeing in grey, it got used to not seeing and fighting that to try to see, so suddenly when it’s all bright the eye celebrated with me!

With the first eye they were worried when they took off the padding that I would be hurt by the light. Yes it hurt, but after a while and weeks of wearing the dark glasses my good eye became used to the light. So when the second eye was done, well all I can say is it was a party of lights and colours in my head.

So now I have to wait for the healing and then get some more surgery to repair the damage done by the cataracts on steroids and I could lose the sight in one eye to save it. So I am very happy to wait for a while before facing the decision of that.

So wear your shades look cool protect your eyes. Oh but please take your sunny’s off when talking to people as its so rude.