It may be Monday night, but if I didn’t have a job to do, I wouldn’t be watching this week’s RAW with all the playoff games going on. But I will suck it up for Canada, and cover the show, while the rest of you are watching Sidney Crosby take on Alex Ovechkin. Oh, and this is also for the one guy watching the NBA playoffs.

RAW isn’t messing around tonight, from Buffalo, New York, as WWE champion Randy Orton makes his way to the ring for his match against Shane McMahon.

Match #1 – Randy Orton vs. Shane McMahon

Shane ambushes Orton attacking from behind after his music hits. Shane takes the fights into the crowd. (I didn’t hear the bell, so this isn’t an official match.) Orton gets in a few shots, but Shane keeps up the pressure landing a right hand. Orton is tossed back toward the ring, as Shane drops an elbow off the security barrier. The announce table is prepped for Orton, and Shane climbs the turnbuckle. Instead, Legacy runs in to make the save, and Shane is on the wrong end of a three man beat down. MVP runs in, but he cannot overcome the numbers, and is tossed to floor after a beating. The Animal finally shows up, and Batista wrecks Legacy. Orton slips from the ring, as Dibiase and Rhodes take shots.

Vicki walks out and screeches that her main event won’t be ruined. She will make Orton and McMahon wrestle later, and then books Batista against Ted Dibiase and MVP versus Cody Rhodes. The winners of those two matches can legally join the main event.

Match #2 – Matt Hardy vs. Kofi Kingston

Hardy is still sporting a cast on his hand, and he once again whines about it. Hardy is also wrestling under protest, again. Hardy locks in an armbar, which Kofi reverse. Kingston then breaks a hold by hitting the cast, sending Mat scurrying out of the ring. Hardy rolls back in, and avoids a flying body press. Hardy drops Kofi on the ropes, and covers. Kofi kicks out at two. Matt suplexes Kofi and hooks into a cover for two. Kofi counters another suplex into a neck breaker. Kofi chops Matt twice and lands a dropkick. Kofi combos into a high cross body, and then hits the dual leg drop. Matt kicks out at two. Kofi ducks a clothesline, and hits “Trouble in Paradise.” Kofi covers for the win.

Winner via pinfall: Kofi Kingston

After the match, Hardy lays out Kofi with his cast.

Santino is in the back telling Kelly Kelly she will have so much fun tagging with Santina on Superstars. Santino says his sister came down with Swine Flu after talking with Vicki Guererro. Chavo overhears the joke and isn’t amused. Santino then adds another layer to the insult by squealing like a pig.

Big Show needs to talk to the GM after what happened last week. Show doesn’t want a match, he wants to end John Cena’s career. Vicki informs Show that Cena isn’t cleared to wrestle for another two weeks, but he will be available for Judgment Day.

The Bella twins track down MVP and ask him out. MVP says sure, but first he needs to win a match.

Match #3 – MVP vs. Cody Rhodes

William Regal joins Cole and King at ringside. Regal is upset he isn’t in the show’s intro.

MVP powers his way out of a head scissors, and follows with a back slide. MVP shoots off the ropes and takes down Rhodes with a shoulder block. Cody then catches Rhodes in the hamstring with a knee, and MVP goes down. Rhodes continues to work the legs. MVP responds with a knee to the face of Rhodes, and then hits the “Ballin’ Elbow”. Cody rolls to the outside, and MVP follows. Cody is rolled outside the ring, but William Regal attacks MVP on the apron. MVP cannot get back in the ring, and is counted out.

Winner via countout: Cody Rhodes

Jerry Lawler is in the ring to host a sing-off. (Where’s the remote, this is getting skipped. Wait, I’m watching this live, crap!) Jillian says we will love her performance, as she is singing against Festus. Jillian butchers her song. (This gimmick was old when it started!) Festus just stands in the ring. (If you haven’t watched Smackdown, Festus’ gimmick is when the bell rings he transforms into a wrestling monster. When the bell rings again, he returns to a much more docile, and, umm..., special state. Like the one he is in now.) Lawler calls for the bell, and Festus belts out, “The sun will come out, tomorrow!” The crowd goes nuts. Lawler calls for the bell, and Festus shuts down. The crowd crowns Festus the champ. Jillian begs King for another shot. (I just want those five minutes back.)

The Miz comes to the ring, and unceremoniously dumps Festus from the ring. The Miz promotes himself, once again, and mentions that he called out Cena last week, and Cena never showed. (I guess The Miz doesn’t read the injury report, or watch the show!) Miz runs down Cena, and issues another challenge. Cena appears on the Titantron and is shown walking through the back.

After the break, The Miz is still running his mouth, and still no Cena. The Miz continues the taunts, focusing on Cena’s movie career. Some fans start cheer Miz’s claims. (I say sit down and shut up, you Cena haters!) The Miz claims another win versus Cena, since he hasn’t shown. Miz wants Lillian to announce the win, and goes out to make her, when Cena’s music hits.

Cena slowly makes his way to the ring, and is barely in the ring, when Big Show walks out. The Miz is gone at this point, with Show and Cena staring each other down. Show kicks Cena in the gut, sending Cena to the mat. Show decks Cena with repeated body blows sending Cena to the mat faster than Ricky Hatton. (Not that I saw that fight, thank you very much Comcast!) Show lands a double axe handle to the back, and Cena is in a world of hurt. Show continues the beating, and then slaps on a camel clutch. Show leaves Cena passed out in the ring.

After the commercials, (which may have featured Subway) Jared from Subway is in the ring and he is the special ring announcer for this Diva match. Um, okay. (I guess they aren’t selling enough subs.)

Match #4 – Mickie James vs. Maryse

Mickie James ducks a kick from the Diva’s champ, and delivers a DDT. Mickie covers and gets the win.

Winner via pinfall: Mickie James

Match #5 – Batista vs. Ted Dibiase

The Animal shoves Dibiase into the corner, who slips under the ropes to take a jog around the ring. Batista follows, allowing Dibiase to gain the advantage as Batista tries to re-enter. The Animal recovers, and goes for a Batista Bomb, but instead delivers a clothesline. DiBiase connects with a standing drop kick. Ted then slaps on a chin lock, but Batista breaks the hold. The Animal drives a shoulder into the midsection of Dibiase, and then spears him. Dibiase responds with a slap, and Batista goes off on him in the corner. The Animal ignores the five-count from the ref and gets himself disqualified.

Winner via DQ: Ted Dibiase (Unofficially)

This means Shane will have to take on Legacy by himself later tonight.

Chavo tells Vicki about Santino’s joke and he will take care of it. He is more worried about the main event, though. Chavo says if he were GM he would strip MVP of the U.S. Title and take away Batista’s shot at the WWE title if they interfere in the match. Vicki can’t get a word in, and Chavo thinks his idea is a go. Chavo runs off to tell Batista and MVP.

Match #6 – The Brian Kendrick vs. Carlito

Kendrick tries for a bulldog off the turnbuckle, but Carlito counters by slamming Kendrick into the corner. Carlito hits the backstabber, and pulls Kendrick to the center of the ring for the cover. Carlito wins.

Winner via pinfall: Carlito

Backstage, Batista apologizes repeatedly to Shane, and still vows to take out Orton at Judgment Day.

Match #7 – Shane McMahon vs. Legacy – 3 on 1 Handicap Match

Shane peppers Rhodes with punches to start the match. Orton tags in, laying punches on Shane. Clotheslines turn the tide, and Orton tags in Dibiase, who comes out with a clothesline. Shane cuts off a tag, and he works Ted over with shots to the back. Shane knocks Orton and Rhodes off the apron, and hits a neck breaker on Dibiase. Shane climbs the turnbuckle, dropping an elbow from up high. Rhodes jumps on to break the pin. Shane takes a shot at Rhodes, and is then knocked to the floor by DiBiase. Rhodes and DiBiase both eat the steel steps, but Orton blindsides Shane as he grabbed a chair. Orton tosses everyone back in the ring, and then makes a blind tag. Orton stomps away and then drops a knee. Rhodes tags in and continues the assault, but misses a moonsault, as Shane rolls away. Dibiase tags back in, but falls victim to a clothesline. Orton tags in, and Shane tees off on the champ. Shane sends Orton, Rhodes and Dibiase to the floor. Shane pulls Orton off the apron, and then rips apart the announce table. Orton is set on the table, and Shane climbs the turnbuckle. Shane takes flight from the top turnbuckle, but crashes and burns through the announce table, as Orton slid away. DiBiase and Rhodes pull Shane to the ring steps. Orton takes a chair and slams it into Shane’s foot and ankle. Orton pulls the steps apart, intent on breaking Shane’s ankle. Rhodes and DiBiase hold him down, as Orton crushes Shane’s foot with the top ring steps. WWE officials finally stop the madness, getting Orton and Legacy to relent.

No Contest

The Animal finally hits the ring after the match is stopped. Legacy runs off. Shane is being fitted for an air cast, and is then wheeled out of the arena on a gurney. Orton informs Batista that his Judgment Day is coming.