A Michigan University frat house will throw out two couches tainted by a mystery masturbating female intruder who used the furniture for an extended public self-pleasuring session, The Michigan Daily reports.
The woman in question simply walked into Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity house "without permission" last Thursday, "entered …

Huh.

Frat is I eta Ghei

It's either a ghei or a crosshead (Christian fundie) frat. OMFGWTFBBQ what were they thinking? No "Hey, need a hand?" No "I can help you with that"? No cellphone video? HA! Either this is a hoax, or they were too afraid of a harassment suit/revealing their gheyness. Couches should already be on eBay.

Details about Melissa

I happen to work at the university where this happened and spoke with a couple of the frat boys involved who assured me that;

1. Melissa had large thighs and hideously saggy mamms.

2. There are no decent pictures of her because whenever an attempt was made, she yelled at them in a very disturbing manner. I took it that they were scared into their pants by her.

3. They didn't want the kind of girl masturbating in their living room who would want to do 10 guys that early in the morning/day. I guess they were all petered out from the previous evening of such women.

4. They have no intention of throwing out or selling the couches. For Chris-sake they will need to me enshrined. Probably will be used in a pledging ritual (Hazing)

I believe that her being conscious was a serious hurdle for them. A hurdle that required police intervention.

The Skinny on This Broad

The woman was taking part in a hazing ritual for her sorority hosue. Drugs were not involved. The fraternity was a gay fraternity as I can't see many other fraternities having such a problem with a woman poking the clam on their couch. This is just an overblown report because she happened to stumble into a house of dick-lovers as opposed to a house of straight, healthy males.

"When I was your age..."

When I was in college during the early 1970's, this sort of thing would NEVER happen...during the day. But it would often happen in the evenings. However, allowing a member of the female sex to self-stim on the couch would generally only happen during pledge week, as an "incentive" for the Frosh. More often it was one or more of the "bretheren" and one or more "ladies" who, being denied the use of their own room by a roommate would simply start the party in the public area...sort of a "warm-up" while wating for their turn in the "dugout"...

As far as disposing of the couches...if I recall properly, this was the usual procedure about this time every year anyway, as the repeated application of stale beer, "round-trip-meal-tickets" and assorted "juices" since the previous Spring would have rendered the upholstered furniture unusable at this point anyway.