Wednesday, January 29, 2014

A Focus On Minutiae Proves That Each Moment In Life Holds Value And Interest. And That I Can Fill A Page With Lots Of Words About Absolutely Nothing.

I go grocery shopping about 75 times a week. That may be a slight exaggeration, but not by much. It seems the natural and organic products we prefer have a shelf life barely longer than the drive home from Whole Foods.

So when you're grocery shopping, have you ever had that experience where you run into the same person over and over again? That happened to me this week. It wasn't even like we were following the same path through the store. I was totally unorganized, having left my massive shopping list at home (of course), and I was wildly bouncing from aisle to aisle, department to department without so much as a tidbit of logic. And everywhere I went, there she was.

It got weird after a while. The first time we connected was in the produce aisle. We were both going for the lemons (non-Meyer). We laughed, excused ourselves, and carried on. Then we found each other in the pasta aisle, the tea section, and Frozen Foods. Each time we'd do that little dance with our carts - working our way around each other - 'you go right, I'll go left'. By the time we'd had our fourth contact it wasn't funny or coincidental anymore - we exchanged nothing more than stiff, slightly sarcastic smiles. It had become irritating.

So when I was headed for the meat department and saw her eyeing the prepackaged steaks, I circled the Soups and Stews island for awhile making every effort possible to end our oddly uncomfortable relationship. I tried to appear fascinated by the bison chili while using my peripheral vision to see when the coast was clear so I could get my chicken breasts and be on my way.

I also struggle a bit with the sample people. I like my alone time while I gather supplies, so I usually avoid having to interact with anyone asking me if I want a lukewarm piece of grilled chicken or some room-temperature hummus. I feel bad saying 'no' if I don't want the product, and I'm not a fan of eating whatever happens to be on a table at the end of a grocery aisle. One time, I did step out of my comfort zone and engaged with a sample person because they were offering ice cream and my interest was understandably piqued, but I lived to regret it.

I jostled for position around the ice cream sample table and the person manning it handed me a freshly scooped wooden spoonful which I eagerly popped into my mouth. Seconds later I nearly blacked out when he uttered the words, "smoked salmon", and my taste buds confirmed what I'd just heard. I had a mouthful of smoked salmon ice cream and I had to swallow it because there were people watching. I forced it down as my eyes filled with tears and my scalp started sweating, but the experience only proved that keeping to myself while I shop is the best approach for me.

I also learned that smoked salmon and ice cream are a disturbing combo. And that once you've had smoked salmon ice cream you can force your gag reflex into action simply by thinking about it. Even almost a year later. Fascinating.

I'm wearing this.

This is a fun shot because it's up to you to guess whether or not I was watching someone come down the stairs or telling Geoff there is no way in the world I'll look at the camera. Discuss.