Because naming babies after cardinal directions is so last year. #northwest

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Babies are pretty cool, but babies named after food are the coolest. This list will help ensure that every Britney, Brittany and Britnee is green with envy over your child’s unique name.

9. Apple

Photo by Bonnie Wang

If it’s good enough for Gwyneth Paltrow’s child, it’s good enough for yours. And if the old saying is true, Apple won’t fall far from the tree and will embrace her foodie name with glee.

8. Brie

Photo by Bonnie Wang

Some people might think it’s cheesy, but the French influence of this name adds instant class and sophistication. With one more letter, Justin Bieber could have gone from peeing in a restaurant’s dirty mop bucket to peeing in the gleaming porcelain toilets of a palace while servants waited patiently to flush for him.

(Admittedly, he probably does that too.)

7. Peanut

Photo by Bonnie Wang

What parent didn’t use this as a nickname for their child? You might as well make it permanent. At the end of the day, all kids are a little nuts.

Caution: Not recommended for children with allergies. Some kinds of irony are just too cruel.

6. Candy

Photo by Bonnie Wang

This name is perfect if you want your baby to end up as one of three things:

A) a stripper

B) a sorority girl with platinum blonde hair and perpetually perfect nails, or

C) an old lady who goes to bingo night wearing bright pink lipstick, half of which is smudged on her teeth.

Otherwise, you might want to pass.

5. Bacon

Photo by Bonnie Wang

What better way to prove your love for your most prized possession than to name your baby after it? Plus, it’s a guaranteed crowd-pleaser. Unless you’re at a vegetarian restaurant, in which case Bacon had better be a track and field champion.

4. Paprika

Photo by Bonnie Wang

If you want your child to stir up fond memories of Saturday morning cartoons every time you look at them, this is the name to choose. Plus, Paprika would never leave for college and abandon you to solve Blue’s clues with her stupid brother who has stupid squares on his stupid sweater.

2. Kale

1. Sriracha

Photo by Bonnie Wang

Sriracha is the kind of person that gets invited to a party and then shows up fashionably late with a casual story about how they scored a modeling contract in New York. Hot, spicy and trendy — that’s our Sriracha.