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Little Kids, Big Questions is a series of 12 podcasts that translates the research of early childhood development into parenting practices that mothers, fathers and other caregivers can tailor to the needs of their own child and family. Click here to listen to or download the podcasts. This podcast series is generously funded by MetLife Foundation.

How do I wean my 20-month-old daughter off her pacifier?

Q: How
do I wean my 20-month-old daughter off her pacifier? She goes to sleep with it
and uses it to calm herself down when she’s upset.

A: First,
consider why you want to wean your child from the pacifier. If it’s interfering
with her ability to interact, talk, or play with others, then it may be a good
idea to phase it out. But if she is using it only to fall asleep and to soothe
herself, then she’s using it wisely and there is no need to give it up right
now.

Like
many parents, you may be concerned about the impact of pacifier use on your
child’s teeth, but this is not a concern at her age. Pediatric orthodontists
report that regular use of a pacifier before age 4 does not cause dental
problems. Other parents are embarrassed by seeing an older baby with a
pacifier. But when your child gets to preschool and sees that the other kids
don’t use one she’ll likely give it up on her own. It is true, however, that
the longer a habit goes on, the harder it can be to break, which is a reason to
consider starting the weaning process sooner rather than later.

Since
your child is using her pacifier to self-soothe, an important first
step to weaning is to help her find other ways to calm herself. Many
children use a security toy for comfort. If your daughter doesn’t have a
“lovey” already, you can help her develop one by choosing a blanket, stuffed
animal, or doll, and including it in your caretaking activities. Have it sit on
your daughter’s lap as you read together, and set it next to her as she eats
and when you cuddle before bedtime.

For
some children, taking the pacifier away gradually may be best. When your child
wants the pacifier during the day, let her have it for a minute or two and then
offer other ways to help her calm down—a hug from you, snuggling with her
lovey, or reading a book together. Or, establish some rules about when
she is allowed to use the pacifier, such as only during naps and at
bedtime. Reduce the time you let her have it until she doesn’t use it at
all. Taking the pacifier away at bedtime will probably be more difficult.
Perhaps let her use it during reading time but not when she goes to sleep.

For
other children, such as those who need more predictability and have a hard time
with change, it may be easiest to go cold turkey. Some families have a ritual
during which they gather up all the pacifiers and put them in a special memory
box that gets tucked away somewhere. Other families collect the pacifiers
and put them in an envelope that they place in the mailbox to "send
the pacifiers to another baby who needs them."

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