Irish characters could get third type of incidental music in theme tune shakeup

The current incidental music laws, which govern the types of theme tune that can be played when when any thing or body Irish is seen on TV, could be dramatically widened under new liberalistion moves.

Currently, TV production laws dicate that anything to do with Eire can have only two types of atmospheric musical accompaniment. Most popular option, of course, is traditional diddly diddly music. But more recently, producers have experimented with haunting Clannad style melancholy, in an attempt to portray the mood of these simple island folk. Either way, the musical nature of irishness is suggestive of someone staring into a beer glass, in the type of mood that pre-empts a pub fight.

Until now, the Jaunty versus Haunty duopoly has had a stranglehold on the incidental irish music sector.

But now, thanks to a relaxation of the rules, there could be a new entrant. In future, we could see Irish people being introduced to a scene in a film accompanied by Bono, singing Sunday Bloody Sunday. In fact, in any serious drama, it could become obligatory for the closing credits to be played out as Bono sings the same three words, over and over again, until everyone has left the cinema. 'The words Sunday Sunday, if punctuated by the word bloody in between, are incredibly powerful and moving. If endlessly repeated, to a rock soundtrack, they could tell us everything we need to know about The Troubles,' said a film critic with a silly haircut.

But the irish aren't getting it all their own way. The Chinese are to get an alternative to their traditional gong and symbol clashing entrance to any film.

Meanwhile, the French are to be stuck with The Marseillaise as an intro. "The thing is, they actually wanted it," said the theme music commissioner. Australians are to be stuck with Waltzing Matilda. And so are New Zealanders. "Thet rully shuts me," said an angry kiwi.