Thursday, June 2, 2016

Pre-Dynasty Joan Collins Fights Some Giant Radioactive Ants, or Thoughts on Empire of The Ants

It’s hard to make ants scary.Even fire ants or the ones that
swarm and eat people in Indiana Jones and The Crystal Skull (2008), which just
looked like a CGI mess.Ants are a
nuisance and threaten picnics and it’s difficult to accept the premise of giant
killer ants, even with the magic of radioactive waste washing up on the beach,
as happens in Empire of the Ants (1977).

Joan Collins plays Marilyn, a sassy 70’s
real estate developer looking to unload some beachfront property on a group of
leisure suits and bell-bottoms.There’s
a quick tour of the island to introduce the assortment of divorcees and nice
retired couples before the ants arrive and the fun begins.

The ant effects are a combination of
big puppet animatronics and a primitive green-screen effect with tiny actual
ants projected onto exterior backgrounds.The movie has a 50’s monster movie vibe, though updated with social
issues like divorce and sexual harassment, and now in color.The actors do their darndest, but when
the only direction is “pretend you’re fighting a giant ant” it’s difficult to
build any semblance of real emotion and terror.

It’s important to note that Joan
Collins wasn’t Joan Collins, the
Diva, at the time of release.Dynasty
started in 1981, which would turn her into a Hollywood Legend, but she was already
a fixture on American TV and had guest starred in numerous, now classic shows
including Batman, Star Trek (The City on the Edge of Forever), Starsky and
Hutch, Baretta, Space:1999, The Man from U.N.C.L.E., The Love Boat and the UK horror
anthologies Tales From the Crypt (1972) and Tales That Witness Madness (1973).

Director Bert Gordon is most remembered
for The Amazing Colossal Man (1957) and Attack of the Puppet People (1958), and
was no stranger to the giant/tiny horror movie dynamic.The blockbuster Jaws was released 1975,
which featured a giant shark, so why not giant ants?It made enough sense to the producers, and the movie may
have enjoyed a bit more success if not for its timing.

Empire of the Ants came out the same
summer as Star Wars, and it’s easy to imagine that the only people who were
seeing this were the ones who couldn’t get into to see Luke, Han and Chewie. The juxtaposition of these old-school
effects against George Lucas’ overwhelming vision must have been mind-blowing
in 1977, especially considering how well A New Hope has held up over the
decades.But then again, Adam Ant
of Adam of the Ants released Dirk Wears Black Socks in 1979, so maybe Empire of
the Ants was actually ahead of its time.