Postpartum Baby Blues/Depression

I just wanted to share a little bit of what I experienced with my daughter. I feel as though there is not enough information out there about just how common the postpartum blues are. It is the one topic that I wish I had been told more about before having my first child. I guess I'm writing this in hopes that the veteran moms can share any experiences they have had with either postpartum depression or baby blues following childbirth. I suppose I'd like to give a friendly "heads up" to any first time moms so that they can have the information that I never had.

I think I just didn't realize how much of a hormonal roller coaster my body would go through following the birth of my baby. I took a prenatal course with my husband, and while they briefly touched on postpartum depression, it was made to sound like it wasn't very common and they didn't do a very great job of explaining that even if you don't go into full-blown depression, there are other varying degrees of the baby blues that you can experience. I think the best warning I got was from one of my nurses in the hospital as we were about to be discharged. She said "Day 3 after you deliver your baby is usually the worst for most women. That is when your hormones are extremely messed up. You can feel very out of sorts, very weepy, etc. Just be aware of it and that it is completely normal." I just sort of brushed it off... but boy was she right. I think I spent my whole day 3 postpartum crying on & off. Over stupid stuff too. It was like PMS, but multiplied by a million. I've never felt so helpless in terms of my ability to control my own feelings. My milk hadn't come in yet, my baby was losing weight and getting jaundice... I was a horrible mother and everything was my fault. Everything was so much harder than it was supposed to be. Everything was supposed to come naturally to me. I was the girl who'd been babysitting since I was 11 years old, I knew all there was to know about motherhood, I'd read all the books, I'd planned the pregnancy, I wanted that baby more than anything in the world. I was supposed to bring the baby home and have my picture perfect little family with my husband.... why was I finding it so hard, why was I feeling so overwhelmed, why wasn't everything going according to "plan".... I was so tired and so angry and I couldn't explain what I was feeling to myself, let alone anyone else. I felt like I was losing my mind. I was going psychotic and I was going to fail at motherhood. There were also times where I had some pretty crazy thoughts too... I was scared that someone would hurt my baby or that we'd get into a car accident or that I would accidentally fall down the stairs with the baby in my arms. There were also some even crazier thoughts that went through my mind when I was tired, angry & frustrated. I won't go into detail, but they weren't very nice thoughts.

These feelings and thoughts happened on & off for probably the first 3 or 4 months postpartum. I was never diagnosed with postpartum depression, but I certainly knew that what I was experiencing was some form of the baby blues or at least the product of some really whacked out hormones. I'd say it all eased off around 4 months, which oddly enough, was when my period returned... so I think at that point my hormones were finally starting to balance out again. My girlfriends and I attended a weekly postpartum group with other moms, which a lot of times was my saving grace. I could go there and vent about everything I was feeling and no one would look at me like I was insane. Instead, they would all be nodding their heads in agreement and sharing similar thoughts & stories. It made me feel normal. That was how I coped and I never ended up having to take medication, but I have several friends who did venture that route. Out of about 7 of us that all had babies around the same time, only one of my friends did NOT experience these types of feelings... which means 6 out of 7 of us experienced some form of postpartum depression/baby blues. That's a lot more common than we are made to think and I think it has a lot to do with the fact that not a lot of people talk about it or are willing to admit it.

I'm telling all of you. This is what I went through and I simply wish I had been more prepared for it. I'm no expert on motherhood and would never claim to be, but if my experience can help any of the first time moms on this board, then that's wonderful. My advice to the first time moms would be this:

Your hormones will be f*cked after you deliver that baby and you are likely to experience at least a tiny ounce of what I have described or what some of the other veteran moms will (hopefully) describe in response to this post.

You are NOT psychotic. What you will experience is normal.

Get out of the house. Find activities for you and baby to do together so you are not cooped up all the time. Talk to other moms, share your experiences, help yourself to feel normal. If you need to, seek medical help or at least check out what resources are offered to you in your city, such as postpartum groups that you can attend with other moms.

If you are a perfectionist, like me, you need to be prepared that not everything will go as you've planned it. Things will change, sh*t will happen. That does not make you a bad mom, you just need to take things as they come and do your best to adapt.

Accept help from your hubby/boyfriend, family & friends when it is offered. Your pride will not help you raise a baby, so don't be afraid to ASK for help.

Sleep when the baby sleeps and don't push yourself too hard too soon.

Learn to laugh & cry at yourself.

If you haven't showered in 3 days, put the baby down and go shower. You're dirty and you smell. LOL!!

I'm sure I could keep going, but I hope I've made at least somewhat of a point. I also hope I haven't scared anyone, but I'm a realist and I don't like to sugar coat things. You WILL go through rough times but you WILL get through it. As long as you try your absolute best and don't purposefully put your baby in danger, then you are doing it right. You ARE a good mom, so don't tell yourself that you're not. XOXOXOXOXOXO

I just wanted to share a little bit of what I experienced with my daughter. I feel as though there is not enough information out there about just how common the postpartum blues are. It is the one topic that I wish I had been told more about before having my first child. I guess I'm writing this in hopes that the veteran moms can share any experiences they have had with either postpartum depression or baby blues following childbirth. I suppose I'd like to give a friendly "heads up" to any first time moms so that they can have the information that I never had.

I think I just didn't realize how much of a hormonal roller coaster my body would go through following the birth of my baby. I took a prenatal course with my husband, and while they briefly touched on postpartum depression, it was made to sound like it wasn't very common and they didn't do a very great job of explaining that even if you don't go into full-blown depression, there are other varying degrees of the baby blues that you can experience. I think the best warning I got was from one of my nurses in the hospital as we were about to be discharged. She said "Day 3 after you deliver your baby is usually the worst for most women. That is when your hormones are extremely messed up. You can feel very out of sorts, very weepy, etc. Just be aware of it and that it is completely normal." I just sort of brushed it off... but boy was she right. I think I spent my whole day 3 postpartum crying on & off. Over stupid stuff too. It was like PMS, but multiplied by a million. I've never felt so helpless in terms of my ability to control my own feelings. My milk hadn't come in yet, my baby was losing weight and getting jaundice... I was a horrible mother and everything was my fault. Everything was so much harder than it was supposed to be. Everything was supposed to come naturally to me. I was the girl who'd been babysitting since I was 11 years old, I knew all there was to know about motherhood, I'd read all the books, I'd planned the pregnancy, I wanted that baby more than anything in the world. I was supposed to bring the baby home and have my picture perfect little family with my husband.... why was I finding it so hard, why was I feeling so overwhelmed, why wasn't everything going according to "plan".... I was so tired and so angry and I couldn't explain what I was feeling to myself, let alone anyone else. I felt like I was losing my mind. I was going psychotic and I was going to fail at motherhood. There were also times where I had some pretty crazy thoughts too... I was scared that someone would hurt my baby or that we'd get into a car accident or that I would accidentally fall down the stairs with the baby in my arms. There were also some even crazier thoughts that went through my mind when I was tired, angry & frustrated. I won't go into detail, but they weren't very nice thoughts.

These feelings and thoughts happened on & off for probably the first 3 or 4 months postpartum. I was never diagnosed with postpartum depression, but I certainly knew that what I was experiencing was some form of the baby blues or at least the product of some really whacked out hormones. I'd say it all eased off around 4 months, which oddly enough, was when my period returned... so I think at that point my hormones were finally starting to balance out again. My girlfriends and I attended a weekly postpartum group with other moms, which a lot of times was my saving grace. I could go there and vent about everything I was feeling and no one would look at me like I was insane. Instead, they would all be nodding their heads in agreement and sharing similar thoughts & stories. It made me feel normal. That was how I coped and I never ended up having to take medication, but I have several friends who did venture that route. Out of about 7 of us that all had babies around the same time, only one of my friends did NOT experience these types of feelings... which means 6 out of 7 of us experienced some form of postpartum depression/baby blues. That's a lot more common than we are made to think and I think it has a lot to do with the fact that not a lot of people talk about it or are willing to admit it.

I'm telling all of you. This is what I went through and I simply wish I had been more prepared for it. I'm no expert on motherhood and would never claim to be, but if my experience can help any of the first time moms on this board, then that's wonderful. My advice to the first time moms would be this:

Your hormones will be f*cked after you deliver that baby and you are likely to experience at least a tiny ounce of what I have described or what some of the other veteran moms will (hopefully) describe in response to this post.

You are NOT psychotic. What you will experience is normal.

Get out of the house. Find activities for you and baby to do together so you are not cooped up all the time. Talk to other moms, share your experiences, help yourself to feel normal. If you need to, seek medical help or at least check out what resources are offered to you in your city, such as postpartum groups that you can attend with other moms.

If you are a perfectionist, like me, you need to be prepared that not everything will go as you've planned it. Things will change, sh*t will happen. That does not make you a bad mom, you just need to take things as they come and do your best to adapt.

Accept help from your hubby/boyfriend, family & friends when it is offered. Your pride will not help you raise a baby, so don't be afraid to ASK for help.

Sleep when the baby sleeps and don't push yourself too hard too soon.

Learn to laugh & cry at yourself.

If you haven't showered in 3 days, put the baby down and go shower. You're dirty and you smell. LOL!!

I'm sure I could keep going, but I hope I've made at least somewhat of a point. I also hope I haven't scared anyone, but I'm a realist and I don't like to sugar coat things. You WILL go through rough times but you WILL get through it. As long as you try your absolute best and don't purposefully put your baby in danger, then you are doing it right. You ARE a good mom, so don't tell yourself that you're not. XOXOXOXOXOXO

You're absolutely right, nobody wants to talk about it. Before I became a mom, all I ever heard from new moms were all the wonderful parts. The insane amount of love you have for your baby, the cute little clothes, how much closer they became to their husbands, etc. I'm not saying I didn't have those things. I adore being a mom. It's the best job I've every had and my daughter amazes me every day.... but it's also the hardest job I've ever had and I just wish someone had told me about the rough parts too. I'm not sure if women are too embarrassed or too proud or maybe they don't want to come across as being ungrateful for the privilege they've been given.... it's just one of those things that gets swept under the rug.

You're absolutely right, nobody wants to talk about it. Before I became a mom, all I ever heard from new moms were all the wonderful parts. The insane amount of love you have for your baby, the cute little clothes, how much closer they became to their husbands, etc. I'm not saying I didn't have those things. I adore being a mom. It's the best job I've every had and my daughter amazes me every day.... but it's also the hardest job I've ever had and I just wish someone had told me about the rough parts too. I'm not sure if women are too embarrassed or too proud or maybe they don't want to come across as being ungrateful for the privilege they've been given.... it's just one of those things that gets swept under the rug.

one piece of advice I can give is try to do something that you use to do before baby every once in awhile. It doesn't have to be extravagant, for example me and the hubby was watching episodes of prison break on netflix before I had my son. One day when I was freaking out we sat down and watched an episode, it gave me some "normalcy" back and felt much better. Also know that not every mother will have an instant bond, that "overwhelming sense of love and joy" doesn't always come right away. So don't feel like you're horrible mother just because it doesn't come right away for you.

one piece of advice I can give is try to do something that you use to do before baby every once in awhile. It doesn't have to be extravagant, for example me and the hubby was watching episodes of prison break on netflix before I had my son. One day when I was freaking out we sat down and watched an episode, it gave me some "normalcy" back and felt much better. Also know that not every mother will have an instant bond, that "overwhelming sense of love and joy" doesn't always come right away. So don't feel like you're horrible mother just because it doesn't come right away for you.

I have a two year old son and I had some form of postpartum depression. I couldn't hold him without crying I couldn't breast feed due to hormone problems. It was horrible for the first month. I didn't hold my son that month as much as I should have. I fed him while crying the whole time then burped him and put him down. I tried not to hold my own child which made me feel worse. But I also felt horrible holding that precious little baby and not being able to help my self. I'm tearing up just typing this. No one in my family believed me. No one would help me. It was horrible. I just wanted to feel like a normal happy mom and I couldn't. I had no idea what was wrong with me. I knew I was depressed but didn't know why. I didn't find out what it was till my son was older. I felt like the biggest failure. I forced my self to see about him no matter how much I cried. I had no one else to help. I was the only person there for him. I got threw it even though it was hard. But I did it. Any woman can do it. It doesn't make you a bad mom. I loved my son I would do anything for him but the depression was still there. I wish no person had to go threw that. But the truth is it happens and it can be over come. I'm crying so it is hard to think. If I repeated my self I'm sorry or if it's not to clear. Just know it is different for everyone.

I have a two year old son and I had some form of postpartum depression. I couldn't hold him without crying I couldn't breast feed due to hormone problems. It was horrible for the first month. I didn't hold my son that month as much as I should have. I fed him while crying the whole time then burped him and put him down. I tried not to hold my own child which made me feel worse. But I also felt horrible holding that precious little baby and not being able to help my self. I'm tearing up just typing this. No one in my family believed me. No one would help me. It was horrible. I just wanted to feel like a normal happy mom and I couldn't. I had no idea what was wrong with me. I knew I was depressed but didn't know why. I didn't find out what it was till my son was older. I felt like the biggest failure. I forced my self to see about him no matter how much I cried. I had no one else to help. I was the only person there for him. I got threw it even though it was hard. But I did it. Any woman can do it. It doesn't make you a bad mom. I loved my son I would do anything for him but the depression was still there. I wish no person had to go threw that. But the truth is it happens and it can be over come. I'm crying so it is hard to think. If I repeated my self I'm sorry or if it's not to clear. Just know it is different for everyone.

I think this post is more than necessary and I think you are great for sharing your story. I'm a ftm and my mother went through this same stuff when she had me and I was her second born. She's told me some things but not like you have described and its nice to have read that and it makes me more aware and know I need to be prepared for just such things in case I go through it. So thank you:).. and I'm an emotional pregnant woman so I was tearing the whole time I read this. Lol.

I think this post is more than necessary and I think you are great for sharing your story. I'm a ftm and my mother went through this same stuff when she had me and I was her second born. She's told me some things but not like you have described and its nice to have read that and it makes me more aware and know I need to be prepared for just such things in case I go through it. So thank you:).. and I'm an emotional pregnant woman so I was tearing the whole time I read this. Lol.

I didn't suffer from depression, but the part about a few days after birth is the hardest is true. Your hormones are ALL over the place!! I cried so easily all the time and couldn't control it. It can be overwhelming and confusing if you aren't prepared for it.

I didn't suffer from depression, but the part about a few days after birth is the hardest is true. Your hormones are ALL over the place!! I cried so easily all the time and couldn't control it. It can be overwhelming and confusing if you aren't prepared for it.

Thank you so much for posting this. This might have been the most helpful posts I've seen in a while, atleast for me. I am a ftm but have struggled with depression and anxiety my entire life. I have been feeling much better for the past year or so but am so worried about postpartum depression. I think about how it may affect me and my baby (and hubby) all of the time. I guess I will just tell my doctor my concerns before the baby is born and try to be pro active about it. Thank you all again for sharing your stories and advice, it means a lot!

Thank you so much for posting this. This might have been the most helpful posts I've seen in a while, atleast for me. I am a ftm but have struggled with depression and anxiety my entire life. I have been feeling much better for the past year or so but am so worried about postpartum depression. I think about how it may affect me and my baby (and hubby) all of the time. I guess I will just tell my doctor my concerns before the baby is born and try to be pro active about it. Thank you all again for sharing your stories and advice, it means a lot!

Taking time to yourself or time for you & your partner is a great point. My original post was already turning into an essay, but one of the things I failed to mention was that I had major separation issues with my daughter. I didn't leave her to go anywhere until she was 5 months old, and even then, it was with my mother for about an hour or so. I just had this belief that no one could take care of her like I could and that it was wrong of me to want any time to myself. I left her with hubby the odd time prior to that if I needed to quickly run to the pharmacy... but I remember the first time I did that I was bawling my eyes out before the car even left my subdivision.

Like another poster mentioned, anything you can do for yourself or with hubby to give you even the tiniest sense of "normalcy" is good for you. Your life changes pretty drastically when you become a mom, but you can't let yourself disappear.

Taking time to yourself or time for you & your partner is a great point. My original post was already turning into an essay, but one of the things I failed to mention was that I had major separation issues with my daughter. I didn't leave her to go anywhere until she was 5 months old, and even then, it was with my mother for about an hour or so. I just had this belief that no one could take care of her like I could and that it was wrong of me to want any time to myself. I left her with hubby the odd time prior to that if I needed to quickly run to the pharmacy... but I remember the first time I did that I was bawling my eyes out before the car even left my subdivision.

Like another poster mentioned, anything you can do for yourself or with hubby to give you even the tiniest sense of "normalcy" is good for you. Your life changes pretty drastically when you become a mom, but you can't let yourself disappear.

Yes, I think all women get a bit of the postpartum depression. I was always led to believe it was the kind of thing that makes women lose their minds (drowning their children in tubs, for example..). The day after I got home (day 4 or 5 maybe?), I cried a ton - for absolutely no reason. It was mainly a huge pity party - over c/s staples in my tummy, not being able to get comfortable/sleep, a baby that wouldn't let anyone put him down...Thank God my mom was there, because DH was completely at a loss. That didn't help much either, I love him to death, but I do remember him asking "What are you crying for?" & I wanted to punch him in the balls. I think the pain killers had a lot to do with the emotional roller coaster as well, they can cause depression - so I quit taking them. I took Advil to keep the swelling down, but I quit the darvocet. After recovering from that, I got into a different kind of depression - the stir-crazy kind. I didn't go back to work for 5 months & we were broke, so I spent most of that time at home, getting fat! I LOVED the time with DS, but I otherwise did not want to leave the house or see anyone. I didn't really start to feel normal again until I returned to work, started losing the baby weight & socializing again. I suggest the you check out meet-up.com & find a mom group that you like. You could even find one now, with other expecting moms, and have some buddies to go through it with!

Yes, I think all women get a bit of the postpartum depression. I was always led to believe it was the kind of thing that makes women lose their minds (drowning their children in tubs, for example..). The day after I got home (day 4 or 5 maybe?), I cried a ton - for absolutely no reason. It was mainly a huge pity party - over c/s staples in my tummy, not being able to get comfortable/sleep, a baby that wouldn't let anyone put him down...Thank God my mom was there, because DH was completely at a loss. That didn't help much either, I love him to death, but I do remember him asking "What are you crying for?" & I wanted to punch him in the balls. I think the pain killers had a lot to do with the emotional roller coaster as well, they can cause depression - so I quit taking them. I took Advil to keep the swelling down, but I quit the darvocet. After recovering from that, I got into a different kind of depression - the stir-crazy kind. I didn't go back to work for 5 months & we were broke, so I spent most of that time at home, getting fat! I LOVED the time with DS, but I otherwise did not want to leave the house or see anyone. I didn't really start to feel normal again until I returned to work, started losing the baby weight & socializing again. I suggest the you check out meet-up.com & find a mom group that you like. You could even find one now, with other expecting moms, and have some buddies to go through it with!

Thank you soo much for sharing your experience I'm a FTM and already going thru crazy mood swings I know I will get it after the baby your story made me feel like if it happens that's it's normal you r right not a lot of people like to either talk about it or admit it... U have no idea how much I appreciate your post xoxo

Thank you soo much for sharing your experience I'm a FTM and already going thru crazy mood swings I know I will get it after the baby your story made me feel like if it happens that's it's normal you r right not a lot of people like to either talk about it or admit it... U have no idea how much I appreciate your post xoxo

I just want to say thank you to the OP for this heartfelt post it was very brave and kind of you to make this and to the other moms that have shared their stories I truly appreciate it! I'm a FTM and don't know a lot about any of these type of things, people have only told me the sweet stuff so again thank you for your honesty I think this is the best post ever!

I just want to say thank you to the OP for this heartfelt post it was very brave and kind of you to make this and to the other moms that have shared their stories I truly appreciate it! I'm a FTM and don't know a lot about any of these type of things, people have only told me the sweet stuff so again thank you for your honesty I think this is the best post ever!

Hurray! Good for you for putting this out there! I definitely had some postpartum blues, but because I didn't know much about it I was just suffering through. I was totally fine when it came to the baby, I adored her and other than lack of sleep I had no issues related to her, so I never assumed it could be ppd. I had severe body image issues, though, and it was causing a lot of depression. I'm 5'6 and I was 140 before pregnancy and I was extremely strong and fit. I gained 40 lbs while pregnant, and lost 20 within 2 weeks, but then I stayed there. I was poochy and pudgy in ways I'd never been before and nothing fit right. My pregnancy clothes were too big, my regular clothes were too small, and everything was just awkward because my body had changed so much. I hated going out in public because I felt fat. I loved my pregnant belly and showing off my bump but without that I just felt wrong. This is totally unlike me, I'm usually fit but I'm not really concerned about my looks at all. After I had several meltdowns and refused to leave the house (because I thought I had no clothes that fit right) my husband asked me to talk to my doctor. I did, but she just prescribed Zoloft, which I didn't want to take while breast feeding. I joined a few mom support groups, which helped some, and started going to weekly therapy sessions. It took me about 6 months before I started to really feel normal again. I think finding someone to talk to was really important, and reaching out and finding other moms really helped me. Please remember that ppd isn't just about the baby. some people have trouble bonding or caring for the baby like a previous poster did, but baby blues is about depression in any form, and it's not your fault and there is help available! Sorry for no formatting, I'm on my iPad.

Hurray! Good for you for putting this out there! I definitely had some postpartum blues, but because I didn't know much about it I was just suffering through. I was totally fine when it came to the baby, I adored her and other than lack of sleep I had no issues related to her, so I never assumed it could be ppd. I had severe body image issues, though, and it was causing a lot of depression. I'm 5'6 and I was 140 before pregnancy and I was extremely strong and fit. I gained 40 lbs while pregnant, and lost 20 within 2 weeks, but then I stayed there. I was poochy and pudgy in ways I'd never been before and nothing fit right. My pregnancy clothes were too big, my regular clothes were too small, and everything was just awkward because my body had changed so much. I hated going out in public because I felt fat. I loved my pregnant belly and showing off my bump but without that I just felt wrong. This is totally unlike me, I'm usually fit but I'm not really concerned about my looks at all. After I had several meltdowns and refused to leave the house (because I thought I had no clothes that fit right) my husband asked me to talk to my doctor. I did, but she just prescribed Zoloft, which I didn't want to take while breast feeding. I joined a few mom support groups, which helped some, and started going to weekly therapy sessions. It took me about 6 months before I started to really feel normal again. I think finding someone to talk to was really important, and reaching out and finding other moms really helped me. Please remember that ppd isn't just about the baby. some people have trouble bonding or caring for the baby like a previous poster did, but baby blues is about depression in any form, and it's not your fault and there is help available! Sorry for no formatting, I'm on my iPad.

I can certainly relate to Nicole in the body image department too!! I gained 55 lbs during my pregnancy, lost 35 of it in the first 6 weeks, but the my weight just sort of plateaued. Completely know what you mean when you say that your maternity clothes were too big, but regular clothes were too small. I pretty much lived in sweatpants. Another issue I ended up having was horrible postpartum acne... so a disgusting looking face, coupled with a body I wasn't happy with... I felt so ugly and gross. I also stopped going out and just hibernated in my house with my daughter... that just made all the other issues worse (ie. frustration, anger, mood swings, etc.)

You're so right in saying that postpartum doesn't simply encompass you & the baby or your feelings toward your baby. It can be any number of things.

I'm so glad that people are responding and sharing their stories, and I'm especially glad that the first time moms are finding it helpful :)

I can certainly relate to Nicole in the body image department too!! I gained 55 lbs during my pregnancy, lost 35 of it in the first 6 weeks, but the my weight just sort of plateaued. Completely know what you mean when you say that your maternity clothes were too big, but regular clothes were too small. I pretty much lived in sweatpants. Another issue I ended up having was horrible postpartum acne... so a disgusting looking face, coupled with a body I wasn't happy with... I felt so ugly and gross. I also stopped going out and just hibernated in my house with my daughter... that just made all the other issues worse (ie. frustration, anger, mood swings, etc.)

You're so right in saying that postpartum doesn't simply encompass you & the baby or your feelings toward your baby. It can be any number of things.

I'm so glad that people are responding and sharing their stories, and I'm especially glad that the first time moms are finding it helpful :)

A friend of mine recently posted on Facebook that she was going through some postpartum blues and was looking for some support. I thought it was great that she felt comfortable to openly talk about it on such a public forum. She ended up receiving so many positive responses and found other friends going through the same thing who she could talk too. So much better then suffering in silence.

A friend of mine recently posted on Facebook that she was going through some postpartum blues and was looking for some support. I thought it was great that she felt comfortable to openly talk about it on such a public forum. She ended up receiving so many positive responses and found other friends going through the same thing who she could talk too. So much better then suffering in silence.

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