Quotables: More Lohan Family Fun Courtesy of Dina Lohan

[Lindsay] came clean and told the truth that she lied. I hate cocaine. I don’t do cocaine. We were having an argument, it escalated, and she, in her weakest moment called someone. She called [her father] and he recorded the conversation. She just wanted to hurt me at that moment. You know, mothers [and] daughters, we fight. I’m so proud of her for telling the truth because it destroyed me. I mean, I cried for weeks. It just hurt me so bad and she knew how horrible that was, and she came clean and told the truth that she lied. I’m very proud of her for that, which is very difficult to have to do.

—Dina Lohan on Lindsay’s persistent lying about things that could impact people’s lives in a very negative way, including her own. That’s just lovely. You know, I don’t even know where to start with this family. It’s like they were all hit upside the head with the Magic Stick of F-cking Moron, and no, that’s not a clever nickname for Draco Malfoy’s penis*.

Also, I didn’t even realize that Lindsay Lohan *had* come out and pretty much recanted her entire story. In fact, weren’t there bits of it earlier last month that were confirmed to be totally true? Like the part about them fighting about money? Isn’t this what this family does best—air real, live dirty laundry for all the world to hear? And the part about “I hate cocaine”? Well. The only thing I have to say about that is this:

*Oh, and about that random, obscene ‘Harry Potter‘ reference—I decided the other day that it was high time to reread the ‘HP’ series for the twenty-sixth time in my life (no exaggeration), so I’ve got a bit of wizardry on my mind, OK? Cut a girl a break.