Who is Wise? (part 1)

The first of a 4-part series on character development.

Ben Zoma says:
Who is wise?
The one who learns from every person...
Who is brave?
The one who subdues his negative inclination...
Who is rich?
The one who is appreciates what he has...
Who is honored?
The one who gives honor to others...
(Talmud - Avot 4:1)

Our sages teach that the key to wisdom is humility, and the one thing that blocks our potential for wisdom is arrogance.

If I told you that I would introduce you to the humblest person on earth, how would you picture him? You would probably imagine him as small, bent over, soft spoken.

Yet the Torah described Moses as the humblest man who ever lived. Moses, who stood up to Pharaoh in Egypt, secured the release of the Jewish people, scaled Mount Sinai, spoke to God face-to-face, and led the Jews through the desert and to the borders of Israel.

How could a man who obviously possessed extraordinary qualities of leadership and strength be described as the humblest who ever lived? Because humility is recognizing that we have tremendous skills, talents, and accomplishments -- but knowing that they are all from God. The humble person is not the lowly, hunched-over. It is the person in touch with his greatness, who knows that the greatness has a Source.

But aren't my accomplishments my own? Wasn't I the one who worked hard in school and in business?

Imagine someone bursting with pride as he tells you the story of receiving an unexpected gift from his uncle:

I was looking through the mail and noticed a letter from my uncle. I had to open up the envelope and take out the letter that contained a check. Then I had to stand up and find my wallet. I had to open my wallet and put the check inside. Then I had to find a bank. When I got there, I had to open the door. Then I had to find the right line, stand there and follow the line to the teller. Then I had to lift the pen and sign my name. At last I had to take the money and put it in my wallet!

What's so difficult about cashing the check?! Who wouldn't cash it?!

In life, you went to school? You worked hard? You found a job? We say that all of these accomplishments are great, but don't forget -? you're just cashing the check.

God wrote the check.

Don't take pride in accomplishments, take pleasure.

ALL THE POWER?

We all know that God is behind the scenes and is the source for all. But sometimes we forget.

A man came over from Europe with five dollars in his pocket. After perseverance and hard work, he stands beside his successful factory and boasts, "Look what I built from nothing. I came here with five dollars in my pocket, and look what I made!"

That night his factory burns down. The man rushes to the scene, looks up to the Heavens and shakes his fist. "God, how could you do this to me?"

We make the mistake of thinking that on the way up it is we who built the success. But when things go wrong, we blame God.

That is arrogance.

Humility is power because it means knowing that I don't have all the power, that there are things more important than me. When we rely only on ourselves, we are limited. But when we connect to the Source of it all, we are tapping into unlimited resources, unlimited potential, unlimited power. Now we can do anything.

LIVING FOR IT

Humility comes when you know what's important in life. One way to discover that is to think: What would I sacrifice my life for? My family? My country? My people?

Rabbi Weinberg, the dean of Aish HaTorah, often says that when you know what you're willing to die for, then you know what to live for.

Many of us would give our lives for our families, and yet we spend little time with them compared to the time we spend at business and other activities. There are people who in a time of danger would be willing to give their lives for the Jewish people or the Land of Israel, and yet today their time and resources are barely allocated to either one.

Let's look at the Passover Seder and the Four Sons:

The wise son asks, "What are these statutes and ordinances...?"

Why is he called "wise?" It sounds like he doesn't know anything! We call him wise, because he is actively seeking to learn. He is curious, wants to grow, and values understanding.

Wisdom does not belong to the person who has memorized the most Torah. Wisdom belongs to someone who, through humility, is open to learning from every person he meets.

Everyone has unique talents, skills, and life experiences that you can benefit from. When God sends someone your way, find out how you can learn from him or her and you, too, will be on the road to wisdom.

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About the Author

Lori Palatnik is a writer and Jewish educator who has appeared on television and radio. She is the Founding Director of The Jewish Women's Renaissance Project, an international initiative that brings thousands of women to Israel each year from 18 different countries on highly subsidized programs to inspire them with the beauty and wisdom of their heritage (www.jwrp.org). She is a much sought-after international speaker, having lectured in the U.S., Canada, Mexico, U.K., Central America, South America, South Africa and Israel, including featured talks at Yale, Brown and Penn. She lives in the Washington, D.C. area with her husband, Rabbi Yaakov Palatnik, and is the busy mother of five children, ages 25 to 15.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 2

(2)
Anonymous,
April 2, 2002 12:00 AM

Thanks!

Thanks for the Insightful message, now I understand why some people come into my life, and many times too I have forgotten who has the power over what I have gotten out of my life so far-- I didn't do this alone! And there are many pleasures in life, past, present and future and it is given to by God, to those who are deserving. Peace to All!

(1)
Anonymous,
March 19, 2002 12:00 AM

Lessons.

I enjoyed this article, especially in regards to the concept of what can we learn from others. Often we only think of learning from someone who is humble, righteous, courteous, and learned, but I have found that I can learn just as much from those who cross my path in rather a negative way. I learn not to imitate their ways, and how to correct my own behavior, and how I ultimately treat others.

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I’ve heard the argument made that Jews should not buy German products, for example Volkswagen cars which used Jewish slave labor during the war. It is wrong for Jews to support German industries?

My cousin says we should just forgive and forget. I would like your thoughts on the subject.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The great rabbi known as the Chazon Ish once said that if a Torah scroll was found burning, and a man used it to light his cigarette, there is no Jewish law that forbids it. Nevertheless, doing so would show a lack of sensitivity. So too, Jewish law does not forbid purchasing a German car.

Regarding the "demand for forgiveness," people often quote the Bible that when one is struck, it is proper to "turn the other cheek" and allow that cheek to be struck as well. But that only appears in the Christian Bible. Jews believe in fighting actively against evil.

Almost all people are inherently good and so we should forgive their lapses. But some people are truly evil – for example, Amalek, the ancient nation which wantonly attacked the Jews leaving Egypt.

Over two millennia ago when Haman (a descendant of Amalek) was commanded by the king to lead his enemy Mordechai through the streets of Shushan, Mordechai was too weak to climb on to the horse. Haman had to stoop to allow Mordechai to use his back as a stepping stool. In the process, Mordechai delivered a vicious kick to Haman which obviously startled him.

Turning to Mordechai in bewilderment, Haman asked: "Does it not say in your Bible, 'Do not rejoice at your enemy's downfall?'" Mordechai responded that indeed it does, but it refers only to people less evil than Haman. So too, we have no reason or allowance to forgive the Nazis and their helpers. Those who scraped the concrete in the gas chambers gasping for air can choose whether to forgive the Germans. We cannot.

In 1977, Egyptian President Anwar Sadat addressed the Knesset in Jerusalem. Sadat was the first Arab leader to officially visit Israel, after receiving an invitation from Menachem Begin. Sadat had orchestrated the Egyptian attack on Israel in the 1973 Yom Kippur War, but after suffering defeat became resigned to the existence of the State of Israel. Much of the Arab world was outraged by Sadat's visit and his change of strategy. One year later, Sadat and Begin signed the Camp David Peace Agreement, for which they received the Nobel Peace Prize. As part of the deal, Israel withdrew from the Sinai peninsula in phases, returning the entire area to Egypt by 1983.

There are many tasks, jobs, and chores that we will end up
doing whether we really enjoy doing them or not. Many hours of our lives are spent this way. The late Rabbi Chaim Friedlander, of Ponevehz Yeshivah, used to say, "If you are going to do it anyway, do it with joy."

Train a young lad according to his method, so that when he grows older he will not deviate from it (Proverbs 22:6).

He shall not deviate from it - the child will not deviate from the method with which he was taught. That method refers to the way we are taught to adapt to life's many hurdles, struggles, and tests.

Education consists of more than just imparting knowledge; it also means training and preparation in how to deal with life. Knowledge is certainly important, but is by no means the sum total of education.

"A person does not properly grasp a Torah principle unless he errs in it" (Gittin 43b). People usually do not really grasp anything unless they first do it wrong. In fact, the hard way is the way to learn. Children learn to walk by stumbling and picking themselves up; young people learn to adjust to life by stumbling and picking themselves up.

Parents and teachers have ample opportunities to serve as role models for their children and students, to demonstrate how to adapt to mistakes and failures. If we show our children and students only our successes, but conceal our failures from them, we deprive them of the most valuable learning opportunities.

We should not allow our egos to interfere with our roles as educators. Parents and teachers fulfill their obligations when they become role models for real life.

Today I shall...

try to share with others, especially with younger people, how I have overcome and survived my mistakes.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...