Allow alleged extortionist Joe Halderman's attorney to lay it all out for you how it really happened: after Joe discovered Letterman was boning Joe's girlfriend, still, he thought, hey, great idea for a screenplay!

The lawyer says this was not extortion, calling it "a pure commercial transaction." The lawyer says Halderman was merely trying to sell the exclusive screenplay rights to Letterman.

Who would enjoy a screenplay of Letterman's sexual foibles more than the man himself? So, can Joe go now? And also he'd like his job back.
[Pic: Getty]