22.2.12

mind rant 3#

salam. gaah~ this is why it's dangerous for me to come back home early. because i will end up doing this kinds of things. despite having so many other important things to do like the never-ending lectures that i need to read, understand and memorize before the coming exam (which is in a month). but thankfully, we did practice a bit just now in the surau. so that sort of makes it okay for me to be in here kejap? heh.

i've lost my interest in facebook quite a long time ago. like any other lagho things, you will always reach a limit in doing 'fun' things. it's just nature. why we managed to stay long enough in the lagho things? credits goes to Mr Syaiton and Mr Nafsu. we like wasting time + mr Syaiton help us waste time, and voila~ we ended up not doing things for Allah = lagho. but nevertheless, being bored of it doesn't mean i ended up deactivating it or deleting my whole account. but instead im trying to use it with more purposes? as in, intentionally going in there for certain things. as much as stalking has become a normal thing to do nowadays for anyone who has a facebook account, im trying to restrain myself from stalking others and knowing too much about them through fb. because lets just face it, facebook is making our lives cheaper and cheaper. when mr nobody knows everything about you and vice versa. (ahh.. feels sad now.haih).

so all i did normally (and still trying), would be to check out my notifications, my own page, my little niece Boolat, stalking my own baby sister (heh) and reading the news feed. and occasionally i would end up into someone else's page through anything interesting (posts) that they posted. alright, where am i going here?

oh right. facebook's positive side. so i realized with some restraining here and there (note: stalking) as well as deleting the unnecessary people on the news feed; you will end up getting quite a lot of information; useful ones that is. seriously. great articles, cool videos, heartbreaking status updates, hadiths, verses of Quran, you name it. so it's not that bad after all.

okay, where am i going again? (it's a mind rant. so it IS ranting while im typing.ngehee~)

so this is what i noticed through the news feed lately. whilst guys are busy talking about kahwin bla and bla; i see a different pattern with the girls. we are just... sad. i don't know what's happening lately. but seems like every girl in my circle is sad. despite the happy faces, the jokes, we are all deeply bruised inside. some felt betrayed. some felt she had been wronged. some felt insecure. some felt sinful. some felt patronized. some felt judged. some felt so lonely. and the list goes on. and i'm definitely in those listed. sinful, insecure, judged, patronized, wronged, lonely; felt it all. bummer huh?

upon realizing those depressing moments, they always lead me to these questions: what is Allah trying to teach me? what is it that Allah is testing me right now? which sifat is Allah trying to cleanse me from? those questions would usually be circulating in the head. the blame is not on others around us, it's always back to us. because Allah chose us to face it. but the thing is, those questions can never really be answered straight away.

and as much as we wished that we are home, within the confinement of our parents, we realized that it's just not possible. and even if it is, our parents won't solve everything in our heart. they will just be a way for us to not face those dilemmas or heartaches that we are facing. because the one that can resolve those sadness within us is the one who gave it to us in the first place; Allah S.W.T.

and i guess. those feelings; sedih, sayu, frustrated, lonely; they will keep on being there. and unless we ask Him to take them all away, and give us that happiness, no one else will. and the fact is, no one else can.

ya Allah. only You can give me happiness. so Guide me in my every action, every minute and every second of the day; until You feel that im worthy enough to be given that happiness. insyaAllah.

but in the end, the real happiness is just knowing that i have You every step of the way. so please do. :')

life is a test. of choosing between doing something that makes you closer to Him or not. theoretically, it's rather simple. but the world and syaiton makes it ever so hard. and we often forget. but that's our nature, our fitrah. and those struggles of trying to be better is what makes us different from one another in His Eyes. because now thinking of it deeply, wishing for goodness and doing goodness, are sadly, two very different things. and what's worse, i think i fell into the category of one who wishes for it more often that really doing it. no wonder Allah jawab siap-siap in His verse:

"Apakah manusia mengira bahawa mereka akan dibiarkan mengatakan:

Kami telah beriman, sedang mereka belum diuji?"

(QS Al-Ankabut:2-3)

so let us be there for one another, in this race of doing good. Fastabiqul Khairat. ;)