Pages

Saturday, December 18, 2010

As you may know from my previous post. My relationship with my girlfriend recently ended.

While a part of me is sad that I lost her. Another part of me see's it as a blessing.

Now I know, more than ever, what I need to do to make myself a better me. I need to redefine who I am, and what I want in life. Not only that, I need to grasp what I want, and work harder than I ever have before to attain it; because, let's face it, I am not happy with my life.

I've been bitching on this blog so much about how everyone else is wrong or how everyone else is problematic.

That's the problem though, the problem wasn't in other people. It was in me.

It was never my job to be the "moderator" to my family. I never had the right to do so; I am so far from perfect, who am I to tell them what they're doing wrong? Even so, I chose to do it, it was never forced on me. I acted like I was on a high horse, looking down on my family for bickering. What I should have done, and what I will do, was to just try and make things as happy for my family as can be; pointing out their flaws and yelling won't solve anything, it hasn't.

Another thing is that I never should've acted as cocky as I did. I always thought it was okay because I was joking. Now that I think about it, I feel that I wasn't joking. I really thought I was the shit. I've got a lot of room for improvement in mind, body, and soul. It's fact that I'm not a good dancer, I knew that, yet I let everyone's praises blind me into thinking I was great; I was taking small compliments and turning them into huge ones. I have so much more training to do to ever even be considered decent, let alone good. I also thought that because my abs were "coming in" I was a sexy thang and that everyone wanted a piece (okay not to that extent, but you get the idea). What. An. Idiot. I was. I stopped going to the gym as frequently as I could've and when I did go, I half-assed it.

No more.

This whole break-up was such a humbling experience. I see my flaws now (there are more than listed above), I accept that they exist, and I know what I need to do to fix them; and mark my words, I will fix them.

I will use the pain I feel as a reminder of what I need to do. I've never had so much drive and motivation in my life.

Another thing is that through this break-up, I've come to find out how many people actually care for me. I've been taking that for granted for so long without realizing it. I now know who my true friends are... and I'm so happy to have been blessed with so many. From my bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you so much.

Also, to my ex-significant other. If you hadn't done what was needed, I'd still be stuck in the same spot; not growing, just stagnant, so thank you. I love you. :]

I see clearly now. With this new clairvoyance, I'll redefine myself. Make myself into the best me that I, or anyone else, can possibly imagine.