engagements

August 13, 2008

warrior princess(es)

"Why do we focus so intensely on our problems? What draws us to them? Why are they so attractive? They have the magnet power of love: somehow we desire our problems; we are in love with them much as we want to get rid of them . . . Problems sustain us -- maybe that's why they don't go away. What would a life be without them? Completely tranquilized and loveless . . . There is a secret love hiding in each problem . . . ."

- James Hillman, *The Essential James Hillman: A Blue Fire

yesterday i was talking with the mega-love-princess-angel mara, the oldest of all the love princesses & we were talking about love or rather she was talking about her love-life & i, of course, was philosophizing about love

(& she called me on not being fun & in the moment & i called her on not being able to control my response . . aah, the love artist lineage can be a treacherous, yet honey-sticky, one . . )

& she was telling me a story of many lovers in love simultaneously & feeling slightly despondent about some long term love affairs that she admired & felt were super hot, that were now over & is it really possible to fall madly in love forever, is it real & is it better to spread yourself over many relationships & somehow keep your center (these are my interpretations & not her words, please) & i implored the present moment version of what may seem as careless or perhaps even, to some, stupid crazy love, where we love hard & with all we have because it is worth it in the moment to exercise our heart like the thoroughbred that it is

this is dangerous (for me) because of the nascent imbroglio between what has become known as co-dependency & love addiction & what could possibly be the highest state of mystical love, total union with the face of god, which is really love, everywhere, in every face, every beautiful & even ugly, face you encounter

now this may seem like an even better argument for the ethical slut-ism of polyamory or friends with benefits, which, as provincial & old-fashioned as i may seem in my current borderline marriage to mr kingsley*, i am not against in any way

the very nature of the true love project itself (where the professional love artist began loving on demand & with total focus in art establishments & on location in total strangers' homes, falling "deeply & madly & passionately" in love for a day or an hour) is based on a free-wheeling energetic form of love-the-one-you're-with, if even for just a moment in time & on the clock at that

(i have been known to answer the constant question back in the early days of the true love project:is this special, is this different, is this the absolutely best true love appointment everwith the answer: yes, this is special, different & absolutely the best & they all are & my next appointment is on the way . . . )

but i did implore ms love princess mara to love with all her heart always . .

& to not hold back

she did bring up the question of chemistry & true love & polyamory & sex & whoooaaaa . . . that is a totally other lesson

but to come back to the very beginning of the conversation, she was speaking of a lover dear to her heart & his/her (i will not betray your secrets mistress mara, i am a good mommy) issues & his/her problems that come up only in the face of love & to this i murmured, trying to keep my momma pedagogy to a minimum:

if our deepest problems were not sugared with love , we would probably never free ourselves

(or something like that)

*love princess mara is not wholly against this new configuration of the MK/TLA pair-binding experience, in fact, i believe she remarked something like it gave her faith, that she loves people that are "trouble" (my euphemism) too . . . (& i don't think i was imagining) . . & i love that trouble . .

(sigh)

(don't we all)

(i could wish an easier life for my daughters & i do but if it must be . . they are warrior princesses, bring it on)

Comments

"Is it real?"
Ah, to be real....
The other questions of reality could be simple as, "Is it real compared to me?"
May we live 'til that point.
A friend wrote of four-months of a broken heart- ineffectual grief for a broken relationship.
I recommended she review the Honesty of both herself and her other.
Flush the unreality and the rest could be processed 'til peace returns.
Do we come to a point as a child where our heart attains a state of brokenness to which we mould our future?
I don't know but it might be so.

flush the unreality seems like a lot of work when we could just take a moment to look at each other, really look at each other, like the irises of our eyes & the tiny hairs of our eyebrows

i know that doesn't seem like a solution to a broken heart but look how many years have been salvaged for broken hearts & nothing much made of it, i want those years back or at least no more lost time for me

i still believe that children want to love with a resilience & ferocity that we can learn from, even when tragic