There is a profoundly simple, yet potent concept which has sustained the success of the annual Jan. 31 Bell Let’s Talk day, which brings awareness to mental health. The campaign began as a mission to empower, as a medium to encourage those afflicted with depression, anxiety and other mental health distress to take the opportunity to open up, discuss, and not stay alone with their struggles. And a powerful yield this can bring.

Societal stigma about mental health is perhaps less of a barrier than ever to seeking help. Perhaps the greater barrier to wellness, for many afflicted, is rather internal stigma – embarrassment or shame. I remember TSN sports show host Michael Landsberg first opening up about this. He seemed to me at the time an unlikely candidate to be experiencing the intense pangs of depression he had opened up about- seeing how gregarious and outgoing he always seemed to be on air. This reminded me anew about how we cannot fully rely on some of our assumptions about the inner lives of those around us, without really talking and connecting. We may have our personas, or what we project to the world. And then there is our insides.

To suffer with anxiety, or depression, or other mental health affliction, is hard enough. Add to it the stigma of feeling inadequate, perhaps that it might be an insufferable weakness to share such struggle, increases the internal mental and emotional burden immensely. To remain isolated and alone, without empowerment to seek help, or to realize and believe that things can be different is unfortunate and unnecessary. I recall a story told by Dr. David Burns, one of America’s leading cognitive behavioural therapists, about a patient who was experiencing performance and general anxiety which was becoming almost crippling in his daily life. During therapy, the patient, an incredibly successful lawyer and president of his bar association, had a development which initially paralyzed him, but ultimately led to his breakthrough with anxiety. He lost his first case.

As the self reinforcing beliefs began to set in his mind – “I am a failure”, “Everyone will discover that I really am nothing more than a fraud”, etc., his therapist Dr. Burns urged him to do the very thing which absolutely terrified him the most: declare his failure to a room full of his colleagues, at the next bar association meeting. The lawyer was aghast. His therapist must be delusional or insensitive to suggest such a course of action. So he agonized over this, and ultimately did as directed, with I imagine much trepidation about this life experiment. And as so often happens with life, we test reality, and we are surprised by the results of our experience.

The lawyer strode to the front of the room, opened the meeting, and disclosed his case loss to his colleagues. He took note of two distinct reactions in the room. Half the lawyers seemed to take no notice of his perceived failure; the other half were those who approached him afterwards, seeking him out to share how they too endured the very same insecurities; a few said they had never really felt him approachable and human, as much as this day, and their respect for him grew.

There are a few things we can derive from this. Left to our own, most of us have our dark thoughts, our self doubts, our inner sabotage. In simply talking it out with another, at least some of the hold of those deep dark inner torments may melt away. Statistics will say that, at any given time, give or take, perhaps a tenth of the population will at some point in life cycle through a bout of anxiety or depression. For some, there will be more persistent and ongoing battles. But as Clara Hughes, our own local multi sport Olympian attests, it can get better. You can seek help. Talking helps in so many ways. We are made to be interdependent and to connect with others – mentally, emotionally, spiritually. So approach a friend or loved one. Enlist a therapist. And Let’s Talk…

AlanVanderwater is a personal and marriage counsellor based in Winnipeg and can be reached at vcs@mymts.net.

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