10 Celebrities i Wanna Party With (A Top 10 Lips)

My fellow alcoholics, your Functional Alcoholic Slurperson here, addressing members of the D-Generation (that’s ‘D’rinking-Generation for those of y’all new to Degeneration). Thanks for stopping by, nice to see all you D.R.I.N.K.E.R.s (Drunks Really Involved Now Known as Exiles Reunited) here.

A little update on my personal sitch before we get to the goodies and if you don’t give a shit about the personal sitch i’d just skip right ahead to the goodies if i was you. Really, i understand, no big deal. If you remember, my latest rule to control the drinking was to drink only outside the house, which means mostly business lunches, Open Bar Friday at the office and any art gallery events. Well, so far so good. The Fridays can be a bit of a challenge sometimes but i’ve stuck to my guns most of the time and haven’t gotten totally shit faced since i started the rule. Which explains why i haven’t been talking too much about my drinking lately. Nothing is more boring than a drinker who has his drinking under control for the moment, and i get that. Sorry babes. Hopefully i’ll fall off the wagon spectacularly really soon so i can provide you with some well deserved entertainment.

So to shake things up a little bit, here’s a Top 10 Lips for y’all. And by the way, if any mentioned celebrities are reading this, if you contact me in the comments below and pay for my drinks and any transportation required: i’m not kidding, i would love to party with you. Hell, Jim Morrison needed professional drinkers to hang with and watch out for him, you could do the same for me.

Plus, here’s a bonus round, Lily Allen singing an post-appropriate song from the juiced-box: Friday Night.

“Nothing is more boring than a drinker who has his drinking under control for the moment, and i get that. Sorry babes. Hopefully i’ll fall off the wagon spectacularly really soon so i can provide you with some well deserved entertainment.”

Nyeeeeahhhhhhhhhh. (*sound of skepticism*)

Trust me, kid. It’s NOT boring. It’s actually pretty nice to know that I am not going to get wrangled into a drunk Al argument, or hollered at over some grudge drunk Al is carrying that he won’t bring up unless he’s drunk, and then it’s mostly because he’s just wanting to pick a fight for the sake of working out his ya-yas, drunk-style. Nope. This is not boring. It’s pleasant!

We’ve had a couple of close calls, too, you remember, in the last couple of weeks. I’d say you were dragging your ass over the edge of the wagon, teetering a bit, but managed to stay on enough that no significant damage was done. 🙂 I’m really glad for that, honestly.

Just keep blogging about what you *would* do if you could if it helps keep things running forward smoothly, pretty much on that wagon. When you jump off in a spectacular fashion, it just leads to broken bones, and such (metaphorically-speaking, mostly, although there was that that one time you got that broken Cuneiform cartilage you got in your nose/face).

You gotta realize that most of the patronizers here (regulars excluded, of course) are like race cars fans and come only to see the crashes. For me to babble on about the “almost crashes” and “didn’t wrecks” is pathetically slow, so i gotta keep them entertained with my rapier wit (which often runs low) and pictures of hot babes / drunk people.

Course they don’t have to live with me, which goes a long way to explaining why i’ve been better about maintaining then i have in the past.