Tag: pleasure practice

The time of the year when the Northern Hemisphere is celebrating it’s connection to Light while the Southern Hemisphere emerges itself in to Dark. A time of the year when both these energies are in balance in our beautiful planet.

The days are longer, the evenings warm, outdoor fun all around and time off beckons us. All invitations to step out, surround ourselves by others, and relish in the body.

The sun and the hot days are good and essential reminders to find balance between frolic and laziness, summer plans and doing nothing, time with friends and family and time for self-reflection and introspection.

This is the season to step away from the usual and step into some fun in the sun.

Summer is the perfect bidding by Mother Nature to nurture and tend to our garden so that we can see the harvest in the fall.

Now is the perfect time to spend outdoors to soak up powerful sun energy and honor the sun’s warmth with reverence and gratitude for the abundant blessings in life.

This season is also a gateway to celebrate our own inner fire and power. The power that brings things to fulfillment, expanding and brightening our lives.

It a time to remember that we, like the sun, contain the power to nurture and sustain, and that we have a ability (and responsibility) to burn as brightly as we can keeping ourselves, loves, and dreams bright, warm and alive.

Our ancestors, whose life was more closely attuned to the cycles of the sun, celebrated the summer by building great bonfires connecting them to the power of the Sun and its season.

How Can You Celebrate and Soak up the energy of summer?

Step Outdoors into Morning Glory

Step outside first thing in the morning, and dig your feet into the earth. Soak up the rays of the sun’s light. Grab your morning coffee and feel the morning surround you.

Breathe in the Sun

Stand in the sunlight with feet apart, and palms / arms up in the air in a posture to receive, facing up. Close your eyes. Breathe. Notice and absorb all the healing rays of the sun’s light and warmth all over your body. Imagine it penetrating every cell. Letting the warmth really seep in.

Water Practice

Water is a conduit and a connector. We ourselves are about 80% water. When we connect to water – both is inside and outside of ourselves, we are opening up to the natural foothold with all that is Divine. Water provides a cooling effect and provides a balance with heat. Create or step into a body of water. You can fill a bathtub, throw water balloons, or simply dip your toes into a pool.

It has been quite the year so far! Without having to go into too much detail — There is so much happening in our world… fast and nonstop. Every day we are being bombarded with bad news, scary news, and it does not seem to be getting any better.

In an effort to help myself feel better (or at least stop feeling so much, so much of the time), I led myself right into a dark hole. Admitting this does not feel good.

But it’s the truth. I haven’t felt as inspired or driven as I usually do in life. There has not been much to feel good about or be motivated by. This encourages the mind to focus even more on the negative and eventually apathy sets in.

In the dark moments, I’ve even struggled to feel inspired and alive.

I will also admit that the dark can be inviting. The dark is not all bad for in the dark we also find a sense of being cocooned and feeling safe. Our shadow parts also are not seen here. But, it is definitely not a place where aliveness and inspiration live.

And since I’m not one to stay in the “dark places” too long, I decided to s-l-o-w…w-a-y down and inquire within, “What the heck is going on here? What is trying to get my attention here? What is is that my soul is trying to get me to learn?”

When I finally let myself be still and quiet and, most of all, be okay with where I was, the answer was crystal clear.

Darn! I had lost my way again. I had gone back to my best coping skill of all…. BUSYNESS! ARGH!

Oh how I see it now! I had been running around like a chicken with her head cut off. Errands, meetings, family, friends, cleaning (every drawer and closet… busy is my frenemy), and even turning things I love to do into obligations. Meeting things with heaviness because there was no time to enjoy…go… go … go.

Can you relate at all? Have you ever been there too?
(I know I am not alone in this).

Having been in this hole before, I knew what I needed to do….

I had to get out of my comfort zone and reengage with what helps me come alive. I had to reengage with pleasure.

Because when we feel pleasure, our brain chemistry changes. The happy receptors get triggered and we react less to fear and anger, and we become open to aliveness and inspiration.

And here is what I did:

1. Be in nature. Go outside, not just looking out a window. Go BE IN nature. Step on the grass or dirt barefooted. Breathe. Feel the breeze on your face. Smell a rose or a gardenia (heaven on earth). Birds chirping. Mother Nature always creates masterpieces for us to enjoy.

2. Shake my bootie. This is a game changer. I will shake and dance at any time of the day with or without music: A shoulder shimmy, a hip circle, twirling my hands, and sometimes just shaking… literally! I even do it in between appointments and sometimes with my clients. It is the easiest and most effective way to get out of my head (where the scary stories exist) and get back into my body where pleasure lives.

3. Eat slowly. Notice what you are eating. What is the texture? What part of the pallet get pleasantly triggered? Food is fuel for your body and your soul. It is sensual and pleasure-filled.

4. Stop and look around. Your beauty is being reflected back to you ALL the time. Try it right now…. Stop for a moment and look around you. What is beautiful around you? What triggers your vision to feel more alive and engaged in your surroundings? The feminine requires beauty. If you don’t look for it, you won’t see it. And don’t look at the dust bunnies and what needs to be cleaned… it will be there later.

5. Find the most pleasurable part of your body right now. It can be sexual, but the truth is that for most women, pleasure is many times not connected to sex or to our sexual organs. Perhaps it’s running your fingers through your hair? May be it’s your running your toes up your leg? Consider tickling the roof of your mouth with your tongue. What feels good? And are you willing to let yourself experience it exactly when you need it?

And it worked! I’m feeling like myself again.

The world has not changed much, but how I relate to it, how I respond to it comes from a more enjoyable place. One that is definitely filled with more aliveness and inspiration.

So how does this all relate to you?

Well… you see #’s 1-5 above? The part about the “pleasure”?

I am CERTAIN that we all need a little of that.

It will fuel you.

It will inspire you.

It will push you beyond your comfort zone. (Yes, we all need that push!)

It’s that time of the year when we get flooded by images and messages of how to create more romance, how to be a better lover, or how to find your perfect partner NOW. Admonitions that the status of our relationship or the togetherness of our coupling is lacking something.

Let me remind you that you lack nothing. Sure there are things that are in process of being fulfilled or transformed. BUT you my darling lack nothing.

So this year, I propose that Valentine’s Day be a day of romancing yourself – A practice of embodying every inch of you.

Because our relationship with ourselves is a direct reflection of our relationship with others, when we can connect with ourselves more intimately, more genuinely, more authentically, we create greater doorways and paths to be able to do the same with someone else.

Romance is defined as a love affair, an attachment between people, a mysterious appeal, or a mysterious quality of something beautiful.

To romance yourself is a powerful way to embody you.

To romance yourself is a powerful way to embody yourself. It is an invitation to feel more alive and relish being in your own skin.

Because when we do this, we deepen our intimacy, aliveness, and erotic connection without the push to make it about what we may or not be getting from someone or being alone or in coupledom this time of year.

Therefore, to romance yourself is at the very heart of Valentine’s Day.

Here are some ideas on how to romance YOU.

#1. S-L-O-W Down

Valentine’s Day is an invitation to live from the romantic, sexy and sensual parts of ourselves. One way we can experience more sensuality is to slow down. Many of us run around all day, mindlessly getting things done. How many of us have driven somewhere not recalling how we got there?

Slowing down is about being aware of what we are doing right now. One of my favorite way to slow down is to move as if I were moving through thick caramel (YUMM). How I move my body becomes more deliberate and more mindful.

Slowing down turns on our proprioceptive sense which many consider our sixth sense. The proprioceptive sense is vital to our daily experiences and something that contributes to our overall body ownership. Experts in this area share that without this sense our brains our lost.

When we slow down, our body feels more grounded and allows our mind and body to connect. Connection being the one quality that allows us to create deeper intimacy with ourselves (and with others of course).

#2. Presence

Most who have been in a romantic relationship say that they felt the most connected to their partners at the beginning of their relationship. The reason for this is because at the beginning of the relationship each person was completely present to the other. Everyone attentively paid attention to every nuance of the other and most importantly the attention was based on curiosity.

You can practice presence by noticing the nuances of you and being curious about how you experience being in your own body. Noticing the movement of your feet as you walk – is it heal-toe, or toe-heal? Do your hips sway or shuffle side to side? What about your shoulders? For women – the bounce of our feminine curves!

The biggest invitation to practice presence with yourself is through the breath. Paying attention to the feeling of your belly and chest rising and falling with every breath. Is there pause at the top or the bottom? Is your inhale or exhale longer?

#3. Mirror Mirror

In Tantra, Soul Gazing is one of the primary exercises taught – two partner’s looking into each other’s eyes with hand over heart.

The invitation here is to practice Soul Gazing with yourself.

Gaze into your own eyes and share words of love and gratitude with yourself. Perhaps a little tough the first time, but I promise it gets easier. Besides, if we cannot admire ourselves, how can we ask that from someone else?

Forget about your hair, makeup, or any perceived imperfections. Look into your eyes and get lost in the wondrous and brilliant creature you are. Look into your eyes, place hands over heart and say…

I love you

You are

…. a beautiful soul

… brilliant

… amazing

… breathtaking

… keep going.. What else can you whisper to yourself?

#4. Mindful Pleasure

One of the greatest things about Valentine’s is that it is all about stirring up and stoking the embers of pleasure. Pleasure is everything and anything that feels good to the body. Our sensual bodies innately know pleasure. It is often our brains that get in the way with the should’s and should not’s.

Pleasure answers the question what feels, tastes, looks, sounds, and smells good to me?

For example, start your day by feeling your body by stretching it in bed, noticing what areas feel relaxed, and how the skin feels when being touched by clothing or bed sheets. How about using a yummy lotion and taking the time to massage it into the skin? Choose clothes that feel good on your skin or at least take your time putting each article of clothing on you. Drink your coffee by smelling it, taking a slow sip, and feeling the warmth of it in your mouth.

When we pay attention to what our body enjoys and how it derives pleasure, we feel better because we are feeding our sensual selves. Let go of any misunderstanding that we can only do this with a partner. We open ourselves to pleasure and we give permission to receive pleasure. Having a partner has nothing to do with this.

#5. Shake Baby Shake

The demands of daily life often result in habitual tension patterns in the body and an overactive mind. Many of us adopt a freeze state of the body which many times is perceived as calm.

The problem is that this “freeze” state keeps up from experiencing ease and pleasure in our physical bodies because the body experiences “freeze” as tension. Consequently, the mind perceives tension as the body signaling something is wrong and we don’t seek pleasure when something is wrong.

Allowing our bodies to continually move without imposing any specific movement or pattern, the body begins to experience itself differently and pathways to pleasurable embodiment are reinforced.

Put a song on and begin to move. It is not about looking good or following a specific kind of dance. It’s about letting your body move you. Best way to do this… shake. Literally shake. Remember the “Hokey Pokey?” Shake one body part at a time or shake the whole body at once.

So how can you further romance yourself as a powerful way to feel more alive and embodied, or share more of your embodied self with another?

For the men… stay tuned… something just for you is on its way.

xoxo,

Jacqueline

A few weeks ago as I was facilitating a workshop, I spoke about sensuality and sexuality and how they were different. Most of the participants appeared and shared their surprise in hearing me say this. A few then shared that they thought that both were the same thing.

By definition SENSUALITY is any condition that is about being pleased or fulfilling to the senses.

What stimulates one in a positive and enlivening manner. It can, and many times, lead to sexuality. It is the pursuit of pleasure with or without sex being a part of it.

SEXUALITY is the capacity or ability for sexual feelings and preference of sexual expression.

SENSUALITY is about the alignment of the body, heart, mind, and spirit.

SEXUALITY can also be experienced on these same levels through choosing the type of sexual expression, and with whom, connection with another.

There is the physical level — acknowledging the presence of my sensual self, the areas of the body that increase the experience of pleasure. The emotional level — sensing that I am supported, loved and held by a deep energy within.

The mental level – accepting that the body was made to experience pleasure. An invitation for some for peace and forgiveness for the misunderstandings and false beliefs about pleasure may exist here. The spiritual level — that sensuality is wisdom, a connection to the Divine.

For me to be sensual means that one is in-bodied and practices being aware of the energy and sensations that occur in the body. And, yes, it is a practice.

A practice of seeking what helps me tune in and enjoy being in my own skin more. This is also includes being clear with my “No’s” – what does not feed me, and provide me comfort and pleasure and being willing to share my “No’s” with an open heart.

SENSUALITY is the practice of being engaged with one’s own innately sensual body, aligning the body, heart, mind, and spirit, and opening to the connection to the Divine within.

SEXUALITY is the the expression of the engagement, alignment, and opening as well as the deepening of the connection with another.

Nothing engages all of my senses as sound and movement does. Below is a video that always brings me great joy, enlivens me, and invites my body to move. I invite you to listen and be curious… See how the body moves you.
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With all my love,
Jacqueline