Hi my fellow addicts,
This is my 3rd & final thread. My first - I Need Help - was when I wasn't even sure I was going thru withdrawal (denial) from hydrocodone.
My second - Who am I Fooling - was when I was in the depth of withdrawal, mental anguish
My last - It's been about 2 months now and I can proudly say I am feeling
GOOD. Not just better but GOOD. Only drug that I'm taking is Lexapro and I think it has kicked in This board and the people on it have been a Godsend. I will never consider myself "cured" but I want those of you
who are out there going thru what I did 1-2 months ago that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I used to read threads like this and think I would never reach "that place" but I think I finally have. I will never forget how hard of a journey this has been and truly believe I will never go back there.
Keeping all the advise I've read here in my heart.
I hope to find more constructive things for me to do rather than hover in this board so much. It's time to get some long over due projects done. Can't say I won't pop in and give advise - sometimes I just can't resist talking LOL
JB

Now, THAT being said, (private chuckle), keep faithful in your restored life. It is, indeed, a beautiful life to be had. The road to getting drug free is hard, and staying clean can be harder still, but I tell you that from where I sit now, it is a no-brainer and easy. Enough time has passed without the constant narcotic use that I can say this with all honesty.

We learn so much as we work through the process of withdrawal and recovery, don't we? I know it is hard for those still struggling who read this to believe how GOOD life becomes again, but we know it does. We are going to always hold the hope for those who still struggle.

Like you, I have backed away from the constant posting I did at one time. I think it is a natural progression as we become busy in the normal things of life again. It is a good progression and what we have worked so hard for. Stop in when you can and give us all a high five.

JB,
Congrats!! I'm so happy for you.. I remember there was a time when you were so depressed you didn't think you could go on.. See what time and faith can do?? I cannot wait until I'm at the point you are. I'll be there, I just have to have patience, and faith that everything will be ok in the end. Anyhow, I just wanted to say congrats and if you ever need to talk, we're here!

Ladies, you are my favorites! This board gets to be an addiction LOL
But a good one!

Reach, you are an incredible woman who has inspired me more than anyone. Your replys are always so well thought out and on target. Have you ever considered becoming a counsler? You'd be awesome! (I loved your reply to someone I know you know who I'm talking about)

EMS Mom, you are always in my thoughts and prayers. The fact that you are going off the meds at this time in your life shows just how strong of a woman you are. You will beat this addiction and your health problems!

Brandi, you hang in there. Keep up your taper and determination. You WILL get to where I am at now - where I thought I would never be just a short while ago.

I have been reading and wanting to write to all of you for over a year but am just starting to get the courage to face my addiction and understand when I am in pain and when I just want a bump. I had major back surgery a year ago and thought I had solved my problem when the debilitating pain was gone but then there was the oral surgery and on and on I am down to 6 hydro 7.5. My preseciption is over until December and for some reason the more I get the more I take. I take as few as 1 or 2 and as many as 7 all in little bits and pieces. Never an entire pill. I just keep bumping myself and keeping this stupid buzz for fear my pain will return. I am just fooling myself. I need to get tough and face the fact that eveyone has pain and I just need to adjust and use over the counter meds like everyone else. I have gone weeks before without meds wait out the time and then refill. I can't find a balance. I am weak. I count on my meds to give me courage, to make me happy and to get me going in the morning. My life is such a sham. Everyone thinks I am this dynamic, hard driving, intelligent and successful woman and honestly, I wonder why I can't get through this. I've been struggling for about 3 years. Excuses, some valid but this last year has been all about the pills. My w/d's will be primarily mental and that is the help I need. I think that the more you go off them the easier the w/d's are but the mental stuff. "I have got to find some." is what puts me over the edge after about a week. I always manage and then my script is renewed and for the next month I am okay. Medically I have justifiable need but mentally I am a wreck. Am I just fooling myself? I want off and don't know if I can. Forever. Is this all just nuts? I am so much better than this.
rrrag

Hey Phoenix,
Thanks so much for your advise. I know I'll never be cured but like the rest of the people here, am dealing with things a day at a time. I never want to go back to "that place".
I do know my triggers - work is the biggest one. Someone told me something at the end of the day Friday that just sent me into a rage! So much for my good mood that day! I did alot of complaining and venting to my husband and daughter. That made me feel somewhat better, not the best thing for them though LOL
Thanks for your post!
JB

rrrad,
You've done the hardest part, just realizing that there's a problem and that you've become addicted is a huge step! It is a long hard journey, I won't sugarcoat that any. But it can be done!! Just look at some of the stories that's on this board. The best bet is to be completely honest with your Dr and let them help you. It's almost impossible to do by yourself.

Hey Phoenix,
Thanks so much for your advise. I know I'll never be cured but like the rest of the people here, am dealing with things a day at a time. I never want to go back to "that place".
I do know my triggers - work is the biggest one. Someone told me something at the end of the day Friday that just sent me into a rage! So much for my good mood that day! I did alot of complaining and venting to my husband and daughter. That made me feel somewhat better, not the best thing for them though LOL
Thanks for your post!
JB