My ride home yesterday was deliteful, in spite of being ill!! The sun was spectacular and I had moments of coolness!! It’s amazing that before my long Journey, I hated to ride in the heat. Now, it matters not at all!! As long as I’m on my bike, no matter what the weather, I am at peace.

Peace is a funny thing. Today, I woke from a nightmare. I was in a rehab situation. There were many people standing around loading the trucks with drinks and food for the big party planned!! As usual, I was busy helping. Suddenly I stopped and looked around at all the people and I felt such a sense of sadness and loneliness overcome me. Tears came to my eyes as I saw groups of people helping each other, laughing and carrying on. Although I was helping, I stood alone.

Tears streamed down my face, that I quickly brushed away. Funny thing about dreams, the people who I shared the weekend with, were in the dream. The head director looked up to grab the next box of drinks from me and saw my tears.

“What’s up Girl?” he questioned. I silently looked at him, pleading with my eyes, “Do not push this, here, with all these people.”

Then I woke up.

The sense of sadness and loneliness was so heavy, I thought I would drown from it all.

When I was with my daughter, I had the opportunity to take care of her. I cooked for her and washed her laundry. At one point while I was carrying the laundry basket, I felt such an overwhelming sense of peace.

I remember how much taking care of someone filled me with satisfaction. Even after she left home, I felt no real sense of loss because I had my husband to take care of. I was mostly excited for her and her new Journey!!

Is it possible to feel the Empty Nest 5 years later?? Tears steam down my face as I write this.

I arrived home to my happy little dog, GiGi. The house was looming, lonely and empty.

All week that I was sick at my daughters, I knew I had to be home by Friday for court. My divorce was to be finalized at trial on the 29th. Funny thing is, Friday was not the 29th!! HA HA God has such a sense of humor!! Thing is, I am not laughing today.

So this morning, feeling sad, lost and alone, I wonder, am I divorced? I open the safe where my wedding ring lies. My breath catches in my throat and I quickly return it to the safe and shut the door. Self abuse is not a good idea. Dear God, help me not feel defined by my marriage. I am more then just a wife.

What I do know; these feelings will pass. If I get busy and keep putting one foot in front of the other and get out of self. If I find someone to help today. If I keep the focus off my feelings and me and see what I can do to make someone’s day brighter.

But damn, there are days, like today, when I would like to crawl into a lap and just lay my head on a shoulder and cry. But tears will not fix things. God has a plan. I have to remember that.

Why did I miss that court date? So not like me… Maybe the new court date has someone there that I need to help. I have to remember that the world does not revolve around me. That sometimes plans change so I can be of service to someone else who is hurting.

I will keep my eyes open to the miracles of life. I will remember that my life changed because others were brave enough, kind enough to reach out to me and move my tectonic plates.

Today, in spite of my tears and my feelings, I will find people that I can touch. I will look for the relief that thinking of others will bring my hurting heart.

Today, I may cry and laugh at the same time, knowing that, “This too shall pass”!!

My trip to Vegas was extended extensively!! I left Los Angeles on the 23rd and was scheduled to return on the 25. Unfortunately I got myself sick so I stayed an extra 4 days.

I had an amazing ride out and I have enjoyed seeing my daughter!! Saturday started with meeting a woman from Texas, Monica. I had a wonderful breakfast with her and her family!!

I rode to the Stratosphere, and found Leroy and Brenda and we proceeded to the ride gathering point. We road Las Vegas Boulevard for a few miles after we helped set up things for event. It was a great turn out!!

Leroy and I went for a ride thru the desert and got hailed on!! I only had a tank top on so that hurt!! It was a great day all in all!!

I enjoyed my daughter a lot and got to spend some good quality time with her.

Today, I woke up with a lightness in my heart!! I looked at the window and the night was still upon us. I thought of my life, reflected on those things I wish were different, grateful for those that are not the same. Missing some people I wish were still in my life, and thankful for the ones that that God has removed.

As the daylight broke, I could see that the day was going to be beautiful!! The sun is shinning and the day is warm!! Wish I could ride my Dragon Slayer today!! Can’t wait for Thursday when I leave for Vegas!!

Today, I will enjoy this beautiful day, I will be grateful for all my blessings and I will participate fully in life and bring joy to others!! I will remember, what I put out, I will get back!!

Today, I will trust that God will work things out in my life in a perfect plan. I will remember that I do NOT know that plan and it may not look like MY perfect plan. I will accept when God takes someone from my life, He has a reason and in time I may get to see that. I will deal with my sore heart by seeing what I can add to life and helping others!!

Today, I will accept both the roses and the thorns for both help build my character!!