Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? (1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. (2) Advising the President. (3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.- David Letterman~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

The man said, 'I do, Father.'

The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'

Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

'Certainly, Father,' the man replied..

'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'

The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paddy was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians...' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'

'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'

'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'

She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, David sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood..

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, David woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

David said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'

'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ....... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning Joe,Haroula Joe glad you got a 2 day weekend off The campground is opened today which means the dogs are back on the leashes they won't be happy campers! Nan that sounds like some crazy weather headed your way Coffee is a brewing a happy day wished for all

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I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Joe: I hope your 2 days off will go by soooooo slow that you will have time to sleep, eat, play games, go hiking with baby, go head hunting and so on (an endless list of happy things to do)!Have fun!

Haroula: safe travels and have fun too

Sue: happy day and give the leashed dogs a hug

Ana: and a big bear hug to your sis from me please

Niteowl: I'd love living in the desert! My zodiac sign is scorpion. Glad you can profit from neighbour's car to buy supplies for the new work area. Will we see pictures of the finished work area some day?

Nan: Abbi-Roze is soooo cute!!

Here in Switzerland and also in Germany and Austria is a holiday today. 1st of May is always Labor-Day. I must work today just the same: have to do Mum's taxes before we drive to Italy. So pencil is behind my ear, eraser in my pocket, calculator on the desk... let's start with the fun... ...

See you later. Happy day to all of you.

Evelyne

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"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

Good morning everyone. Sis will be here later this afternoon. She will probably stay until Saturday. Ana, hugs for your sis. Nan, your great granddaughter is a real cutie. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump day. Danish, BB Pancakes, French Toast and Muffins in the NC.

Good morning, everyone. I'm off today, but this is still going to be a quick post since I have errands to run and singing to do before fiance gets home. Hopefully, tomorrow, I'll be able to stop and breathe a bit more.

Hope everyone here has a fantastic Wednesday!

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Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Tis supposed to be raining here, so not sure if I can time it right and get us all walked in between drops. I know there is laundry and bookkeeping in my future. Not sure what else will happen but for sure something will.

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"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." -Roger Caras