Good clean Christian Humor

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Senior Member

So....I have decided to make a thread with good clean Christian jokes and humor. Anything you see or come up with, Christian memes, jokes, one liners, post them here on this thread, but please only good clean Christian jokes I'll start it with one I heard a while back.

So one day a man was sleeping in his bed when his wife woke him up on Sunday. Still half asleep and groggy, he looked at his wife and scowled saying, "I don't wanna go to church this morning!" She asked him why and his reply was, "Those folks down there don't appreciate me one single bit!" Her reply, "Well you gotta go!" "Oh yeah, why's that?" She said, "Cause you're the pastor!"

Senior Member

Hi michael,
Maybe it's the same feeling some of our pastors truly feel, coz we often dont appreciate them one single bit, even shake their hand to say thank you after the message??.. I am still looking for that joke to post, so wait!

Senior Member

a burgeler broke into a house at night when he knew the family was out. He snuck into a widow and started looking around with his flashlight when he heard a voice say, "Jesus Is watching you!"
He he turned around and found a parrot in the corner of the room. He asked the parrot what it's name was an it answered "Moses." Then he asked "What kind of people name their parrot Moses?" The parrot answered "The kind of people who name their pit bull Jesus."

Senior Member

Pastor Derrick, who was not
averse to berating his congregation for abusing the Sabbath, still liked to lay out "sick" on an occasional Sunday morning to play golf

At crack of dawn one
midsummer morning, he was spotted on the tenth tee one Sunday by an angel; and
the angel was much annoyed.

"Father, he should be
punished!" he said as he reported the miscreant to God.

"And so he shall be, my son.
Watch this!" the heavenly Father replied. The pastor teed off on the
335 yard, par four hole, and his ball arced gracefully in direct line with the
pin. It dropped onto the green and a gentle breeze caught it and carried it a
few.feet right into the hole. The angel turned to God with a puzzled look on his face.

"Father, I thought you were
going to punish him and instead you've given him what every golfer dreams of - a
hole in one!!"The good Lord smiled. "I
have punished him! Who can he tell?"

Senior Member

Senior Member

Senior Member

Susie, who was six years old was sitting in her first grade class one morning when the teacher said, "Today we are going to learn about whales. Did you know that it is physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human being? Science has proven that the jaws and alignments and structure make it nearly impossible for a whale to swallow a human." Susie, who always paid attention in Sunday school, stood up and spoke up, "But what about Jonah, he was swallowed by one and he survived to tell about it?!" The teacher, "I'm telling you, it's scientifically proven that a whale cannot swallow a human being." Susie said before she sat down, "Well, when I get to heaven, I'm going to ask Jonah." The teacher said, "But what if Jonah didn't go to Heaven?" Susies reply, "Then you ask him!"

Senior Member

Senior Member

Everyone is posting some serious stuff, so I thought I'd come here and post something a little on the light side, maybe to brighten everyone up a little and get a chuckle and a laugh.

So it's summertime in the Bronx, where a widowed man and his son lived. After his wife's passing, he decided the best thing to do would be to send his son to some of the local churches and see what they were like, since neither one of them had been to church before. So one morning he sends his son off to a local Baptist church near their street for Sunday school one morning. It wasn't but about 20 minutes later that the son comes home to his daddy, scared out of his mind like he'd seen a ghost. His dad asked him, "Son, what are you doing back home?! You're supposed to be in Sunday school right now!" The son replied, "Deddy, they's teaching awful horrible things down there at dat there church. I don't think knowing God gonna be for us." The dad, puzzled, asked his son what they were teaching, and the son's reply, "Well, I hear the youth pastor say that God said that, "If you draw a knife upon me, i'll draw a knife upon you!"

joefizz

Guest

Pastor Derrick, who was not
averse to berating his congregation for abusing the Sabbath, still liked to lay out "sick" on an occasional Sunday morning to play golf

At crack of dawn one
midsummer morning, he was spotted on the tenth tee one Sunday by an angel; and
the angel was much annoyed.

"Father, he should be
punished!" he said as he reported the miscreant to God.

"And so he shall be, my son.
Watch this!" the heavenly Father replied. The pastor teed off on the
335 yard, par four hole, and his ball arced gracefully in direct line with the
pin. It dropped onto the green and a gentle breeze caught it and carried it a
few.feet right into the hole. The angel turned to God with a puzzled look on his face.

"Father, I thought you were
going to punish him and instead you've given him what every golfer dreams of - a
hole in one!!"The good Lord smiled. "I
have punished him! Who can he tell?"