I just want to thank God for a place like this to vent our feelings. Although I never thought in a million years I would say this but, I want to let all of you know that God loves you and he wants the best for you.

Afer being sexually and physically abused (from age 3 to about 13 by my stepfather and others. I used to be so angry and filled with much hatred and dispair, I just wanted to die.

When people would talk about God I would go into a rage, I would say If there is really a God, how could he have let such horrible things happen to me? How could a loving god just watch all this madness go on in the world, and not do anything about it.

One day when I was at my wits end, I had just cursed out my mom, up one side and down the other for suggesting I look to God for some answers to my pain. After slamming the door in her face, I remember saying ok if you are really there God,I need to know, why did all these horrible things happen to me as an innocent child.

I opened a bible that was sitting on my dresser and just opened to this verse in the old testament: Jeremiah chapter 29,verse 11-13 and it said "For I know the thoughts I think toward you, says the Lord, thought of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope,and when you will call upon Me and go and pray to me , I will listen to you. And you will seek me and find me when you look for me with all your heart" WOW!! I remember slamming the book shut and thinking woe!! maybe there is a God who cares. That was twelve years ago and I have never been the same since, although it hasn't been easy, I stated slowly reading>

I was raised a United Methodist, and was active in my youth group as a teen, but I was never REALLY sure about the leap of faith about Christ. And it felt wrong to call myself Christian, if I didn't have that sincerity.

8 years later, I find myself going back toward Christianity, but with a different frame of mind. I have a number of things that I have tried to reconcile, and the heart of it comes down (mostly) to what you said, Danman.

My problem has always been with CHRISTIANS, not with Christianity. It has been with people, and the things that people have done, or how they have interpreted things that God said. Not with what God said.

I have spent the last few years trying to build an integrated view of my beliefs. To be consistent with my beliefs about science, about human nature, about the lives we live on earth, and about the nature of God.

It's a bit much to be writing here, but the most important distinction I had to make was the difference between what God said, and what man has said. The Bible is a book filled with truth about human nature. It has a number of instructions on how to act as a better human being. And if you are willing to make the leap of faith with me, it is also inspired by God.

But it was written by man, edited by man, and translated into many different languages by man. And man is falliable. With language containing so many nuances, and subtleties of meaning, I don't think it is reasonable to take a literal reading of the Bible as fact. As someone once said "Just because the events didn't happen doesn't mean that it's not true." Jesus himself spoke in parables. These were not actual events that Jesus witnessed, and told people about; they illustrated important points in a way that was easily understood by his listeners. That doesn't make Jesus a liar, it makes him an effective storyteller.

Also, I don't think that our lives should be lived IN ORDER TO get to heaven. We should live lives that help our fellow man, and the rewards will come naturally. If we live our lives like we're doing a cosmic "to do" list, then your heart isn't in it.

Anyway, God puts the impetus to action in our world ON US. "God helps those that help themselves." (sorry, that was Ben Franklin) "Let them rule... over all the earth..." (Gen 1:26) There is responsibility implied here.

I need to look into this a bit further, but it seems like almost all the miracles performed on Earth to help humans, were done THROUGH humans (with Jesus being the most dramatic example). Moses parting the Red Sea. David felling Goliath. The Acts of the Apostles. God's manifested power on Earth was usually in the form of judgement (the plagues of Egypt, the great flood, etc). There are exceptions, of course (mana from heaven).

It is up to HUMANS to be helpful to HUMANS. God set up the rules the universe has to run by. And set up the expectations for our behavior. Most everything else is up to us. Like a parent SHOULD act toward its children, humans are encouraged to be independent, while all the time loved.

Let me just stress, that I think that humans doing these good works, DEMONSTRATES God's love, it doesn't replace it. And since humankind is falliable, just imagine how much MORE loved we are by the One who isn't falliable.

Wow, I didn't intend for this to be a sermon. I didn't even think I was going to invoke the Bible itself that often. I'm still searching. I hope you guys are, too!

Sorry, I dont want to offend anyone, but after the hell I have been thru the last 11 years, I have a hard time believing there is a god...The crap you where taught in Sunday school about a god loving all his children is totally ludicrous if he lets these type of things happen that screws up a persons life forever...And if there is a god, I rather go to hell anyway, it can't be worse than what happened to me on this earth...

Some of us are still healling, and have our hearts harded by our life. Thats OK it's a free will choice, and anyone still can change their minds.Like this Manger of a swimming pool, George had a weak heart, even he could have changed his mind, but he choose not to.When I talk to him about love and God, that I wouldn't tell on him for what he was doing to me while in his office.I knew I was just saying it to convince him that I knew what he was saying. He was sick. On Drugs and Drinking and having other bad habits controling his life, he wasn't in control at all. How hard was it to decive him under thoose contions. Even when someone tells one that something is right in front of you but one can't see it. A long time of beliving it's not there, does take time to believe other wise.fmighell Anc Ak

Mark I,I know that it is hard to understand, how a loving God could allow this stuff to happen to us. I remember thinking that if there was a hell I would probably be there so I might as well get used to the idea. I know now, that is a lie from the pit of hell, and the enemy of our souls "the devil".

He is the one who tries to destroy us any way he can. The is the instigator of all Evil, and then uses the evil to blame God.

Please don't allow him to decieve you,hell is 1000 times worse that anything we can ever experience here on earth!! especially because it will be separation from God for eternity.

This life and all its pain is temporary, imagine being torured for eternity. God doesn't want any humans to go to hell. Hell was created for the devil and his minions. God has promised us we dont have to go there.

Oh, but my friend there is good news and an answer to all this anguish and chaos and evil. It is so simple that most of us miss it. I know I did for a long time.

The answer is The Messiah who died for the sins of the world, including yours and mine, in this event He took care of all this Evil.

This is the Best news I had ever heard and It gives me a peace that surpasses all understing. It has completely changed my mind about God, By the way- Im not talking about some funky wacked out "Religion"I have to go for now, but keep in touch.

My history is long and complex my father is Catholic, my mother is Baptist/ Methodist, I went to a non denom Christian Church as a kid, I atend a Wesleyan University, and am now going to a Church of God church. So I pretty much have my bases covered when I want to chose my docteran (whicj I still haven't solidified). So what do have solidified? God, the creator of the universe, made man in his spiritual imiage. Christ, is the son of God who was concieved by the Holy Spirit in a virgin, died on a cross, and rose again after 3 days. He did this to forgive the world of its sin and to fulfill oldtestement law. The Holy Spirit is the spirit of God who convicts us, concieved Christ in Mary, fills us when we ask for Christ's forgivenss. The Father (God), The Son (Christ), The Holy Spirit all for the Trinity where they all are one, but individual (not something that I wholy understand yet). The Bible is the unfalable word of God given to man through divine revelation. Salvation, This is the excepting of Christ's forgivenss and alowing the filling of the holy spirit. Nothing man can do can ever earn salvatioon it is given only through faith and grace. I think that covers it. I m not sure about man made issues (eternal salvation, total sanctifiacation and divine election).Okay now that I used all that time Im going to throw my two cents in. (hope y'all don't mind)John 9:3 says "Niether this man nor his parents sinned" said jesus "but this happened so that the work of God may be displayed in his life." (NIV) This has been the verse that I have held on to as a battle cry for my life. When I get through with college I plan to work with sexually abused kids. Later after I get my MSW and become a LCSW I plan to begin work with pedophies and sexualy compulsive people. During this time I would like to begin programs for male rape victims (prison population, childhood survivors, etc.). If things had not happened the way they had I would not have choosen the road I am on. In fact if I kept on what I wanted I would have been an astronaut or a dog... But anyway. With out sounding prideful or too sure of myself I think I will make a difference somewhere. So did God cause what happened? No, God is Love and Good and would not do anything evil. But He had to step back because he promised free will and WILL not break that. That is the best that I have come up with. Is it the best answer? Probably not. But honestly I trying to understand God meathods is like me knowing only a grain of sand and trying to understand the universe. When you talk about your problem being with Christians, I understand. Sometimes we do things that aren't exactly enscync with God, but remember we are imperfect. NEVER can christians claim that we are, "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" NIV Romans (3:12)I guess the reason I am writing this is cause something that J said caught me by the balls. "God's manifested power on Earth was usually in the form of judgement." I am so sorry that you feel this way. To me God is Love. Part of this is judgment yeah, but God does practice Tough Love. But some examples I can think of off the top of my head are of his love. When God created us he did it with Love, When he blessed Abraham with Issiac, When he called Noah, when He saved Danial, When he confronted (comforted) Job, When He came is Elijah in the still small voice, When he saved the King Obidiah, and the ultimate one is when he sent Christ. Again I belive that God is Love. And as Haddaway once asked What is Love. Love is patient Love kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Lpove does not delight in evil, but rejoyces in Truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always persivers." I corinthains 13:4-7. I guess that is my point. I am sorry I kept going, but it is something that I AM PASSIONATE about. II hope this helps someone somewayPeace be with youChristian Peterson

_________________________
This above all: to thine own self be true,And it must follow, as the night the day,Thou canst not then be false to any man.

I
agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and
chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole
discretion of MaleSurvivor. I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor
resources are AT-WILL,
and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for
any reason by MaleSurvivor.