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I will begin this by stating: I understand why places do this. However, this does not make me like it any more.

Since the beginning of my urinal peeing career, I have always been weirded out by the few places that I have run across that put ice in the urinals. The reasons establishments do this are because 1.) it keeps things cold so bacteria don’t spread 2.) it’s a cheaper way to reduce smell 3.) it lets patrons know that the bathroom is clean. These reasons all make sense.

But, the sight of weird, subdued Mt. Dew Hues within the ice freaks me out. Now, without the ice, the chances of having a giant splatter of piss flinging back onto you can be pretty high depending on the angle. With ice, this is less likely. The ice does not, though, eliminate all piss backlash. With the ice, you are more likely to get tiny fragments of piss to fling back onto you like a light spray over the vegetables at the supermarket.

I especially hate the sound the ice makes as it’s melting amongst my piss. It’s completely creepy and not satisfying at all. I get the shivers when I go to stand up to a urinal with ice, and it’s not because of the cold ice.

Plus, ice in the urinals makes public bathroom-ing even more awkward. Little boys are very excited about seeing their handiwork as they blast their former milk out the tiny tube at full throttle while their dads chuckle to themselves. I do not want to be standing next to one of those kids, but I normally always do. So, I get their flecks of piss on me, too.

Even if having ice in the urinals is practical, it makes me really upset. The fine, distinctive odor of a urinal cake has become slightly welcoming and the norm. I do not want the norm of my peeing behavior disrupted by cheap thrills.