Taurus: Secluded forests, slight breezes that sway tall grass. Long, meaningful text messages, chipped nail polish, the smell of the ocean. Having the music at full volume and drowning out the rest of the world.

Libra: Smiling between kisses, art galleries, paint-stained clothing. The sound of the harp. Graphite, the smell of coffee. Kept promises, swimming, and colliding hugs. Intertwined fingers, cats, crying, and the smell of burning wood in the wintertime.

Scorpio: Comfortable silence, nature, relaxation, being home. Thinking, being with family, the color green. Intelligence, old books, and the calming hum of a car engine. Camping, imperturbability.

This post recommends catching the animal. I don’t think that is a good idea. A stray animal is likely scared or hurt and far more likely to bite people who attempt to get close. I`ve looked out for a few stray cats but I did not attempt to catch them.

Why cause the animal even more stress and then leave it to the chance of being adopted at the shelter. Instead it can live as any other animal outdoors and have a natural life just as the other animals do and have always done. If tiny birds can live through the winter then the stray predators will have to do the same. It`s the cycle of life and people should interfere less.

Play with trick-or-treaters: Get a stuffed dog for Halloween and put on tapes with spooky music and a dog barking in the background. Let kids think the dog is safe and then sick your real dog on them.

What to do if your child is choking on Halloween candy? – feed him more until it all goes down

Decorate your house in pink for Halloween – for breast cancer. Don’t forget to use your husband for the big boob in the centre

Old fashioned Halloween costumes – spray paint your children

Gather all the children’s toys you’re tired of picking up and recycle them into Halloween monster toys like babypedes and other monsterish, gruesome things.

Shoes to wear for Halloween, wind, rain, snow or slime

Halloween movies to watch with your dog, or cat. Write about movies with dogs or cats, or goldfish with a Halloween theme

Halloween tapes like Monster Mash which you can play over and over to torment teenagers who don’t appreciate the 70’s… yet.

Use mannequins to create a Halloween family eating dinner around the table. Make this the night you invite the neighbours for dinner. (They don’t need to bring anything but extra seasoning wouldn’t hurt them).

Tacky, trippy or just plain terrible sweaters for your loved ones at Halloween

Safe chemicals to throw on your children when their cheap Halloween costumes ignite

More reasons why candles are not a good thing for children to carry while trick-or-treating

I don’ think I post any but I do see them pop up from others. They make me angry for different reasons. I don’t like them being used to create emotion in people, to solicit donations. What also makes me quite angry about them is the fact that there are people in dire straits who don’t get the same sympathy which dogs and cats do. Still, both dogs, cats and people are heavily over populated so some logical and practical part of me cares a lot more about the wild animals, native animals, who have no habitat because there are too many people with their pets who hog it all and continue to do so. Making it seem the wild non-pet animals are the ones who are in the way. Rant over, go back to fawning over your pets.

I can think of a lot of things I’d rather be doing than going to work today. Here are just 13 in no particular order…

1. Being kidnapped for a romantic evening with someone I like even though he has awful bad breath and an oozing sore on his back.

2. Finding a winning lottery ticket even though it expired last week.

3. Shopping in my favourite bookstore, even after realizing I forgot my wallet at home and can’t buy anything.

4. Eating chocolate on chocolate cheesecake even if it means I will gain 20 pounds.

5. Backpacking through Europe even though I get chased by wild dogs halfway through the trip and never do get past Venice.

6. On a fancy, luxurious woodland retreat, all expenses paid… even though the blackflies try to eat me alive each time I step outside.

7. Being given a free year of Second Cup lattes even though I have to sit through several hours of a telemarketing time share scam first.

8. Getting up close to the wild cats in the zoo, really getting to pet them and feel all that fur… though at some point one of the cougars gets a bit too friendly and I almost lose an eye.

9. Finding a bag full of cash even though when I take it home to count (over $100,000!) there’s a deadly poisonous lizard at the bottom of the bag and I have to drag myself to the hospital for the anti venom or die in agony.

10. Riding a real, live dragon which I get to be friends with and travel around the world, free…. as long as I can hang on… it’s a really, really long way down.

11. Decorating a house of my own, my dream house and yard, even though it’s on right beside a really busy subway station in downtown Toronto where all kinds of litter blows into my precious yard.

12. Having my first book published and get a lot of great media attention but still flop mightily cause Oprah said she didn’t care for it all that much.

13. A free visit to the dentist, have all the work I need done free, for as long as I can sit in the chair while he drills into my head.

I think work is starting to sound better after that dentist thing… Hi Ho.. Hi Ho… It’s off to work I go….

Many of the bloggers at EC (Entrecard) are having contests to win EC credits/ points. So far they are based on building traffic. Mine is not.

I offered to make a new graphic for FoilWoman awhile ago. Something she could use as a blog background or a banner or both, up to her where she puts it. But nothing I have tried is anything I would really want to show off. I’m just not a graphic designer, not even great at drawing anything beyond stick figures. I know my proportions are skewed and my dogs could just as easily be elephants. I’m ok with that. It’s just fun for me.

But, I really would like to have FoilWoman with a graphic for her blog. So, the contest idea just came to me as I was making coffee this afternoon.

The rules:

The graphic can be any media – scanned, drawn, photo, etc. But it must be FoilWoman approved at the end. She will be picking the winner. Also, I think it would be fair or nice if she was able to ask for tweaks too. I will post the specifications she emailed to me here so you know what she has in mind.

From FoilWoman – What I’d like (if doable — I’m a grownup — we don’t always get what we want): A picture that depicts me as fairly fierce, that doesn’t hide that I’m not the skinniest chick on the planet, and that incorporates something, like my knitting, like the tinfoil costume, something.

The prize is currently 2,000 EC credits. I have that much sitting in my EC account at the moment. I could offer more, or prizes for runners up. But, right now it is 2,000 which I can donate to the winner.

The deadline is a week. That should be enough time. Or if more time is needed a rough draft could be given to Foil Woman to judge. So deadline will be April 9th, 2008.

Do we need other rules? This is my first ever contest so likely I have overlooked something. Let me know.

FoilWoman is not on EC. But drop in and visit her blog, say hello and get a feeling for her style and personality.

A) There is a guy at work I really like. First it was just his sexy, wicked smile but then I began to notice how nice and calm he is, like pouring water over water. Just something kind of nice. Can’t find the right words for it. He also has a wicked smile, like a pirate, did I mention that? (I really don’t care what a guy’s butt looks like- if I wanted to look at a butt I’d get one of those dogs that walk around with their tail all curled up, that would be plenty of butt for anyone into that sort of thing – I’m not a dog person, luckily). Also, when I began some research into the guy at work he got good reviews. He is a nice guy with a good sense of humour. Though no one else seems to think he looks like anything special. (Their loss, likely all dog people).

B) I am not someone any guy has ever gone crazy for. Plus I’m plus sized, quite a bit… quite a lot…. plus sized. This does not give me a good feeling about the whole attacking first plan of luring in said non-dog, pirate smile, guy.

C) Based on past experience I don’t have a flying clue what to do with a guy should I ever actually get one I really do want. Get him and have him actually be in the same town at the same time for an extended period of time. I am limited in man handling experience. I married the only guy I slept with and was a virgin until late in life. I was not a late bloomer, I’m not sure what happened. Or didn’t happen. Still isn’t happening. I just don’t seem to get noticed. I could tattoo something suggestive on my forehead and only other women would notice me and ask me what the heck I was thinking when I did such a lame brain thing. Men would only notice the other women talking to me, not me.

So I have these facts set out for you.

Now, the solution I am working on, in theory…. stalking him.

Yes it’s kind of dramatic and risky. Some would say foolish and stupid. But, someone has to try these things from the woman’s point of view, why not me? Well, why not?

So, I took the first steps in the potential stalking. I found his last name and came home to look up his address and phone number. I still don’t have the full address cause it turns out it is an apartment building and the phone book did not list the apartment number. No doubt I can figure that out. It just has to be in a non-threatening way. You know, there is a thin line between stalking and being a threat or just plain scaring off the guy. If you start calling him prey, for instance, that’s a bad sign. A pretty bad sign in fact. Avoid that one.

That is all the progress I have made in the potential stalking to date. I have thoughts about sending an anonymous greeting card to his address, once I find it. Note, you must be careful to keep it anonymous as that is a big part of the whole plan. If he doesn’t know who I am he won’t be able to gently let down the fat grrl at work. If he doesn’t know who I am he can just keep thinking he is really hot stuff… if only he knew which of those babes at work sent him the greeting card. You see how well that works. Anyway, who can resist the hint of mystery, a little puzzle to solve and whet his curiousity while stroking his ego.

Thus ends my first day as an official mad man-stalker. Not a lot of progress made but nothing to concern the police with either. So, not a bad first day, all in all.

In honour of the time of year I went ahead and created my own tombstone. Though I want mine more gothic looking and less rigid and traditional. Probably white stone, to reflect my purity, goodness and light. I’d like some flowers, better yet, a flowering bush stuck on top of me. Put a fire hydrant a few graves over so no damn dogs will pee on me.

It started snowing yesterday, it hasn’t stopped yet. I have to go out for coffee cream and I don’t want to. There are 20 feet (centimetres, at least) of snow piled up out there. What if I get lost trying to find my car? What if I freeze under a snow fort I build up while digging my car out from under all that snow? What if I can’t get out of the driveway cause the snowplow has just come by and created a massive snow wave?

You may never see me again. Worse, I may not have coffee cream for that second cup of the day. Oh horrors!!! I wish I had one of those guide dogs or a dog team to pull my sled. Or, better yet, a honey-do. It is nice having a man around to play fetch.

If I win the lottery I will just buy a husband. Some guy to live in a shack on the backend of the property. He can open jars, put up the Christmas lights and any other electrical thing, he can squish bugs, shovel snow and rake leaves. He can go out in the snow and get coffee cream. I’ll make the coffee, I’m willing to be nice, pet him and take him for walks. I’d be a very good husband owner.