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Thursday, February 7, 2013

My Body Is NOT Perfect!

“I am smart, I am kind, I am strong, I am a gift from God, I
am loved and I love myself.”

This is the sentence my friend has her children occasionally
recite to themselves in the mirror to encourage their self image and see their
worth. She started when her children
were really little.

This blog post has been the hardest for me to write. I
kinda laughed even when I typed the title. For whatever reason, its much easier
to talk about not being a perfect mom or wife than talking about the “issues” I
face inside. I may be able to pretend I
have an almost perfect life but no one, I mean no one is going to think I have
a perfect body.

I’ve been overweight most of my life. It’s been a constant struggle and I surely
have issues with food. Even though I’ve
always been overweight, I’ve also always been physically active. Not a big sports participant but I was always
outside or riding my bike, or at the pool, or on the go. During adolescence and since when other
girls, much skinner that I was, were insecure about how they looked in a
bathing suit, I had no problem getting in the water and splashing with my
friends, chubby thighs and all. You see,
confidence has really never been something I’ve struggled with. For that, I’m very grateful. I know I am pretty. I like the way I look when I’m heavy and when
I’m not as heavy. I have always been
able to see the bigger picture and know that I didn’t want to miss out on
something just because of the way I may look to someone on the outside.

I was lucky growing up that my appearance never hindered my
success with relationships. I don’t know
why. I never was picked on for my
weight- even though I was one of the largest girls in my class. I had lots of
great friends. When I became boy crazy,
I was successful in that area as well.
I’ve been able to date many guys over the years and can say I’ve been in
love with 3 different men, who all have been happy with the way I look.

While confidence may be something I can rock, I still have
body issues. And feeling self worth and loving yourself is hard. After the birth of my daughter, Amara in May
2008, I knew I needed to make a change.
A big one. I tipped the scales at 203 pounds during that time of my
life. I was stagnant. Not moving. Not happy with the way I
felt. Brian and I together decided to
begin a journey to get healthy.

See, that’s the best part of this story- I get to do it with
Brian. While I wouldn’t wish body issues
on anyone, I’m so thankful my partner also struggles. We’ve been able to take this road together,
every step of the way. We decided that
along with losing weight, we needed to get healthy.

Over the next 6 months we began moving. Eating healthier. It worked for us. We lost more than 100 pounds together. I hit my goal weight of 150 pounds and for
the next 3 years I kept the weight off with diet, exercise, and conditioning.

Summer 2011 I challenged myself to go below my goal weight
and I did- lost 10 more pounds and actually made it to the weight I pretended
to be on my drivers license. I knew the
moment I saw 140 on the scale it wouldn’t last.
I knew I couldn’t maintain that weight.
And I didn’t. I was OK with
that. My goal weight had always been 150
and that was OK with me ( but 140 looked really good on me).

But then LIFE happened again. Damn life!
I had a debilitating running injury that caused terrible foot pain and
I’m just now recovering from a massive surgery for it. I was diagnosed with cancer and had to have
surgery in my chest, which prevented me from running or being physically active
for a month. I got lazy. Not in life- no way- I’m up at 4am everyday
and I don’t stop moving until I am ready to fall asleep. But lazy from putting my health and my body
first. I’m up 15 pounds from where I
want to be weight wise and I feel bad.
And that’s where things get difficult when talking about body image….

I’ve never asked my children to stand in front of the mirror
and recite the sentence written above. I
want to. And I will. I think it’s a beautiful way of empowering
them and giving them language to identify self worth other than beauty.

I’ve never said those words to myself looking in the mirror
either. Maybe that’s where I should start,
ya think? Yes, I’m confident. I’m even ok with rolls of fat hanging when I
sit down and a cottage cheese butt. I still
know I am loved. So why, is it so very
difficult to FEEL love for myself. To
believe I am strong enough to deny the Oreos being offered and cut away time
each day to better myself. Why is
that? How come a confident person like
me still struggles accepting compliments?

“You look really pretty today”, someone said to me

“Ugg, glad YOU think so- its been one of those days”, I
replied

“I love your hair- it looks great that way”, she
complimented me

“Seriously? Its dirty and needs a cut. Thank God for ponytails!” I said back.

Christian Fashion consultant, Shari Braendel, spoke at the
Hearts at Home Conference last year.
This very topic of accepting compliments came up in regards to
motherhood. Our children, our boys and
our girls, are watching and listening to us.
Even when we least expect it or don’t assume it will make a
difference.

We can sit our children in front of the mirror and tell them
how beautiful they are and how proud we are of them. My parents always did that for me. But we can’t make them feel it. We have to give them skills that will allow
them to be competent and capable. We
have to allow them to make mistakes and learn from them so they can grow. We have to provide them with experiences that
will challenge their minds and souls. We
have to give measurable compliments on who they are and what they are doing,
not empty ones. We have to model self
confidence and accepting compliments and model self worth- so they can begin to
SEE us and themselves a certain way.

If our children hear us say, “Ugg, these pants don’t fit,
I’m fat” or “look how big my butt is” or “I hate the way my hair looks” or “My
skin looks terrible today” how will they
respond…How will they feel when
someone tells them they look just like their mommy?

Will they say “Thank you” and believe it in their heart that
they are beautiful just like her? Or
will they begin to see themselves as fat or ugly or not as good as they can be
because their mommy feels that way about herself?

And when our children receive compliments,

“That drawing is amazing.
The colors you used are really beautiful” How do you want them to
respond?

“Thank you. I’m so
glad you like it!” or “This? I just
can’t seem to get the colors to blend the right way.”

“You did incredible on the soccer field today- you ran the
whole length of the field!”

Do we want them to say,

“Yeah, I had a blast!” or “Yeah, but I didn’t score the
goal. I missed.”

“That dress is gorgeous.
You really look stunning tonight.”

Do we want them to say,

“ Thankyou. I really
feel pretty in this dress too.” Or “I love the dress but I think it makes my
arms look fat.”

Its not about confidence ( I’ve got that). Its not about how you look on the outside ( I
know I look ok). Its about how we feel
about ourselves. How we then reflect that to others and to our families.

I’ve got work to do.
For myself and for my children. I
would do anything if I could ensure my children really felt good about who they
were now and who they would become. As I
sit here at the computer literally banging my head against the desk, I begin to
think of the lists of things I should or could be doing to encourage my kids
differently. Big things and little
things I can do NOW and in the future to help strengthen their self worth.

STOP! Its not all
about them. Damn! I did it again. I need to think of me. Instead of listing all the things I can do
for others to help them feel better about themselves, what can I do for me?

I know that if I can start there…With me…the one person I
have control over, I can make the most significant difference with others just
by changing myself.

So Katie- put on those big girl panties and do it! You may not be at your goal weight. Life may have knocked you off course for
awhile. But don’t give up! Get back on track. Its not about the number on the scale, its
about how you feel inside your own skin.
Its about the image you reflect back to others and the message you are
sending to the children who look to you for everything. No one ever thought you had a perfect
body. Don’t go for perfect. Go for healthy. Powerful.
Capable.

Katie- You ARE smart,
You ARE kind, You ARE strong, You ARE a gift from God, You ARE loved.

3 comments:

I'm trying to do this too; change the way I see myself. Change that loop of negative self-talk. Simply say, "thank you" at a compliment with no deniers or qualifiers. To see myself as God sees me; through eyes of grace and unconditional love. Unconditional. You go, Katie! Love yourself as God (and the rest of us) love you!

You are such a wonderful writer. You should be so proud that you recognize your self doubt. I am sure children do see this and model themselves off of you and your reactions. You can do it, because you ARE beautiful!

About Me

I'm a Woman. A Daughter. A Sister. A Wife. A Mother. A Friend. A Teacher. I have few regrets on the choices I've made and my husband and I are raising our beautiful children to LOVE, LAUGH, WORK, GIVE. Be HAPPY and LIVE life to the fullest. This blog is to share our lives with you...the good, the bad, and everything in between!