Patience is a virtue and a plate of spagetti…

If you are anything like me then sitting at home waiting for things to come to you is just not on the cards.

I am a modern girl coaching modern people at a time where we really want a ready-made instant perfect and nutritious dish. When it comes to our dates, we expect the same.

How long do you wait to see what’s in store or do you make snap judgments based on what you see in front of you?

One of the biggest challenges is that once we get to a certain age we think we really do know what we want. Hanging around and waiting to see what happens is just not what we do. Instead, we move on and dismiss someone as if they were spaghetti carbonara when what we were hoping for is arrabbiata!

Did you know that to make arrabbiata from carbonara, you just take away the bacon and add tomato, and hey presto, not so difficult after all. Imagine taking the guy you quite like only he is not tall enough, well you could wear flats, stand on a chair or simply accept it. The girl who talks too much, you could butt in and get your words across, you could ask her to slow down or give her a big kiss on the mouth to shut her up, and hey presto you got the thing you wanted all along.

One of the biggest challenges people have in dating and relationships is confusing what they think they want or need with perfection. Now I am not saying that you should expect people to change, just don’t have the need for them to be perfect on the first few dates. They are NERVOUS, just as you are. They are going to say and do SILLY THINGS that you won’t like. If you like the look of them and have some common banter, give it some more time.

I will share with you a true story of how my close friend met her husband. A colleague and I introduced them and suggested they go out on a date. My friend Anne said to me, ‘Jo, why is he still single?’ Interestingly the first thing that Andy asked me about Anne was ‘why is she still single?’

Once we overcame this first obstacle, they went out for their first date. The next day I contacted Anne to ask how it went and she said to me, ‘Andy is so lovely, but I just am not attracted to him.’ Okay, now let me just say that Andy IS a really lovely looking guy and I must have seen some potential with them. Hence I persuaded Anne to go out again. The following day after the date, Anne rang me to say that she had a GREAT time, but she just was just not attracted to him. He was not her type. Again I got her to go out one more time, to give it a chance.

Four dates later Anne rang me up to tell me about her night out with Andy. ‘Andy is so great, I had the best time with him!’ I waited for the ‘but’ and there was none. ‘I just don’t know if he fancies me or not?’ By the fifth date, Anne was as smitten with Andy as he was with her. They went on to marry a year later and have two kids. They are living happily ever after.

All I am saying is that spaghetti does not grow on trees and love does not happen in an instant.