Vote Trump — He Ain’t That Bad!

For the last few weeks i have been thinking about writing a further piece on the cartoon character running for the white house, ever since it became clear to me that Donald T is even less objectionable than i first thought. For a while there i was afraid that i might be letting too many cats out of the bag by spilling the beans on Mr. Trump, but then it occurred to me that i wouldn’t be saying anything that the more intelligent conservative commentators haven’t already said, and that other than myself and that crazy guy what sells lemonade behind the dumpster out back nobody will ever read this. So here come them beans…

Donald Trump is a radical socialist mole trying to take over the Republican party. That’s right, folks, Donnie and Bernie are actually the same person! Why do you think we have never seen them in the same room at the same time?

Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. Trump isn’t quite a screaming socialist (Screaming, yes. Socialist, no,) but he is clearly at least as much a liberal as he is a conservative. Despite all the hatred he gets from hysterical, PC-obsessed pseudo-leftists, looking through his statements one is struck by how many left leaning stances this screaming baboon has. According to his site, Make America A Turnip Again, the great man is in favor of taking half of Amerikan households off the tax roll…

“If you are single and earn less than $25,000, or married and jointly earn less than $50,000, you will not owe any income tax. That removes nearly 75 million households – over 50% – from the income tax rolls.”

Now, if Bernie said that, everyone on the left would get really excited and start working a few hours less in order to completely avoid income tax. Yet when Trump says it, everyone either shuts up or calls him a Nazi. Is a good idea a bad one simply because it comes from someone you find obnoxious? Is Hillary Clinton’s soft-spoken malevolence better than Trump’s loud-mouthed benevolence? Apparently so, at least if you ask most leftists. I guess that’s what happens to people who are stupid enough to believe everything the faux-leftist media tells them.

Trump also claims that he will get rid of the loopholes that he is currently using to avoid a really, really large tax bill. Now, this would be a very unusual thing for a filthy rich bastard to do, but stranger things have happened – a Marxist becoming pope, for example, or Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize – so one can only hope.

The Talking Orange also opposes the utterly evil TPP, a stance he shares with that other bane of the political establishment. As usual, DT is not subtle about it…

“TPP is the biggest betrayal in a long line of betrayals where politicians have sold out U.S. workers. America’s politicians — beholden to global corporate interests who profit from offshoring — have enabled jobs theft in every imaginable way.”

Again, Bernie’s opposition to this massive corporate power grab makes him a hero, Trump’s opposition is somehow irrelevant! This is the kind of idiocy i have come to expect from what passes for the Left these days. Not being a pinhead, i don’t care who stops the TPP, as long as they crush it deader than dead and then burn its stinking, disease-ridden corpse to ashes.

But Trump’s biggest left wing virtue is his opposition to what is currently Amerika’s greatest evil – neo-conservative, military-driven imperialism. Trump started out lukewarm on the Iraq war and within a year or two was staunchly against it. Like many leftists, he has openly said that the Bush/Cheney administration straight out lied about weapons of mass distraction, and has even suggested that W should have been impeached over the war. It totally drives me crazy that so few people who claim to hate the neo-cons are siding with Trump. Here is a guy who is trying to grab the Republican party and drag it from the neo-conservative far right to the center, where it would do far less damage, and so-called leftists, liberals and peaceniks hate him for it! Jesus Freakin’ Christ! Is political correctness more important than the lives of hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians? To the liberal mentality, apparently so. When neo-con establishment figures like Bill Kristol are so keen on stopping Trump that they suggest starting a third party, you know Trump is the person any genuine opponent of neo-conservative evil should be voting for. But, hey, Trump ain’t a woman, right? And as all good liberals know, a warmongering woman is always better than a man who wants to keep his troops out of unnecessary wars, simply because she is a woman. Once again, what seems to matter most to the liberals and leftists is political correctness, not reducing the chances of future Iraq-style bloodbaths.

And then there’s Trump’s right wing stances. Sure, some are clearly right wing, but others are really left wing stances that most leftists are too stupid to see as such. I have news for you boys – there ain’t nothin’ lefty about encouraging millions of social and religious conservatives to flood into the US, taking jobs from locals and lowering wages by working off the books and under the table – no Lewinsky jokes, please. Yes, amazing as it may seem to today’s leftists, giving the plutocrats exactly what they want is not a left wing thing to do! Perhaps such clowns would realize that if they paid more attention to class and less to the burning issue of whether or not Caitlyn Jenner should be allowed to call himself a woman. So, even when he seems to be right wing, DT is in fact being rather leftist. Then there is his opposition to the Islamic invasion. Once again, this is not as right wing as it looks. After all, who do you think flooded into Germany last year? A million socialists? No, not even a million liberals. Instead, what Germany let through the gates last year was a million-strong horde of radically conservative types, the least radical of which make even the average Southern preacher look like a New York liberal! Homophobia, racism, and true misogyny on a level rarely encountered in Western societies, that’s what the Islamic invasion adds up to and Trump – unlike Killary Clinton – strongly opposes it.

As for his genuinely right wing stances, what decent person doesn’t have a problem with the West’s rampant abortion rates? Sure, i would prefer to see a cultural change in which abortion remains legal but is so frowned upon that women choose instead to use contraception or put the lump of meat up for adoption, but i will take a ban on third trimester abortions if that’s the price for keeping that Bitch Of War Killary out of the Oval Office. Or is it a ban on all abortions except for rape, incest and cases where the mother would die if the birth went ahead that Trump wants? Frankly, i don’t know, but that’s okay – neither does Donald!

Then there’s his support for gun ownership. Why this is a right wing thing is one of contemporary society’s greatest puzzles. I guess somewhere along the way the left, as part of its continuing descent to the intellectual level of the kind of right winger who can’t spell “moron,” decided that it would be great if the only people in Amerika who have guns are the criminals, the cops, and the soldiers. Yeah, that’s what you want in an increasingly brutal corporate state – a weaponless population lorded over by armed government thugs and psycho homeboys. And make no mistake, it’s the government thugs that pose the bigger threat – not only do they have bigger guns, but they can actually shoot straight.

Of course, the man with the dead hamster on his head has said a few crazy things, but who hasn’t? And unlike Killary, he only says crazy things, she actually does them – you know, things like voting for the slaughter of half a million Muslims and supporting the corporations in their quest to pass the TPP. Even Trump’s bit about having to kill terrorists’ families seems humane compared to the slaughter in Iraq. Wrong, but comparatively humane. And, yes, i know Trump suffers from some other problems, such as having all the English language skills of a drunken Mexican and being convinced that vaccines cause autism, but these things are mere peccadilloes when stacked against a pile of Iraqi corpses several miles high.

So, short of Bernie getting the Dem nomination because Hillary Clinton suddenly drops dead or is abducted by aliens, i think Trump should get in – but do i think that he will get in? Frankly, i think it more likely than not. Way i see it, once Trump gets the nomination from the hardcore Republicans that turn up for the primaries, he will do a variation on what all candidates do, which is to become more “moderate” in order to draw in the general public. With most candidates for the Oval Office, this comes down to backtracking on some of their stances, with Trump it will come down to not acting like such a jerk for a few months. He won’t have to change what he’s saying, only the way he says it, and people will suddenly realize he ain’t as bad as his demeanor currently makes him seem, and this in turn will be more than enough to close the small lead Clinton has over him. Chances are, Trump will become president, a situation which will lead to lots of laughs, but hopefully also to less wars.

Now, i am no fool (except maybe for that time i tried to retrieve a bagel from a live toaster using a wet fork,) so i am well aware that the Trumpster could be lying about pretty much everything. Unfortunately, unlike Bernie and Hillary “I Kill Muzzies For Fun“ Clinton, Trump has no actual record of deeds, only one of statements. But going on those statements, especially the ones he has been making for years, i have no choice but to endorse this bizarre cartoon character for the Presidency of the United States. He ain’t great — he ain’t Bernie, or FDR, or any such thing, but he is more liberal than conservative and, more importantly, he is by far the lesser of the two evils likely to get into the White House. Under these sad and surreal conditions, i am left with no option but to urge my Amerikan brothers to “Vote Trump – He Ain’t That Bad!”