January 09, 2019

Confession of a (Maladaptive) Perfectionist - Meditation Does Help

A few weeks ago, a former client returned. There were two assignments. The first one I turned in was, I have to admit, perfect. The client observed, "You pulled all the point together."

The second one was not perfect. The client thanked me for the hard work, comprehensive coverage, and timely turnaround. But, no compliment.

How I suffered.

I am one of the those who is a maladaptive perfectionist. The thought processes go: If you can't produce perfect, why the hell be in the game at all.

Well. the client paid the bill for both. He gave me two more assignments. That should have been the end of it, at least for a normal vendor.

Not for me.

The inner turmoil was so great that I had no choice but to meditate. That I did. For several days, several times a day. The insight came: No, I am not perfect. But I can still provide service to clients and make a good living.

However, no, I cannot give up the goal of being perfect. That was hard-wired into the baby boomer gen after the war to end all wars. We were told that we owed it to all those who died to do everything exactly right.

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