Divorce...

So reading the "Cheating Husband" thread got me thinking on the topic of divorce. My parents got divorced when I was in my first year of high school, I was 14. My younger siblings were 12, 10, and 8. My parents were dumb. They married young and knew they didn't love each other. Had a miserable marriage. After the divorce, things went downhill for all of the kids, including me. After 3 years I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. My two sisters started doing bad in school and got themselves into alcohol and drugs. One of them even talks about suicide and harming herself. Of course, we're all in therapy. When my dad started dating other people again, we hated watching women come in and out of my dads life. And now, he's remarried to a 25 yo French girl who was our nanny. So sorry for the long story but my question to you is, do you think if parents have children and decide to get a divorce they should wait until their kids are at least 18 or all at an age where they can understand divorce? Do you believe parents splitting up can really affect a child's life negatively or that the bad things that happen post-divorce are coincidence and would have happened either way? I always believed that if my parents didn't divorce until we were all older, we would be happier people now. Just my opinion

So reading the "Cheating Husband" thread got me thinking on the topic of divorce. My parents got divorced when I was in my first year of high school, I was 14. My younger siblings were 12, 10, and 8. My parents were dumb. They married young and knew they didn't love each other. Had a miserable marriage. After the divorce, things went downhill for all of the kids, including me. After 3 years I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. My two sisters started doing bad in school and got themselves into alcohol and drugs. One of them even talks about suicide and harming herself. Of course, we're all in therapy. When my dad started dating other people again, we hated watching women come in and out of my dads life. And now, he's remarried to a 25 yo French girl who was our nanny. So sorry for the long story but my question to you is, do you think if parents have children and decide to get a divorce they should wait until their kids are at least 18 or all at an age where they can understand divorce? Do you believe parents splitting up can really affect a child's life negatively or that the bad things that happen post-divorce are coincidence and would have happened either way? I always believed that if my parents didn't divorce until we were all older, we would be happier people now. Just my opinion

I think that a divorce does affect the children at any age, even if over 18. If they were too young to remember, there are still implications after the divorce. That being said, everyone involved has to learn how to deal with all life changes in a healthy manner. Many things will touch and change our lives and we need to develop good coping mechanisms. I never blamed my parents. Like I said in the other thread, it was a good decision for our family. I am, also, very good with change and welcome it. I hope to pass down the idea that things change and roll with it in a healthy manner!

I think that a divorce does affect the children at any age, even if over 18. If they were too young to remember, there are still implications after the divorce. That being said, everyone involved has to learn how to deal with all life changes in a healthy manner. Many things will touch and change our lives and we need to develop good coping mechanisms. I never blamed my parents. Like I said in the other thread, it was a good decision for our family. I am, also, very good with change and welcome it. I hope to pass down the idea that things change and roll with it in a healthy manner!

I believe that the parents don't have to stay married but they do have to work on a good co-parenting relationship if they want their children to adjust well. Children whose parents stay married but fight all the time have issues as well so staying unhappily married isn't the cure.

I believe that the parents don't have to stay married but they do have to work on a good co-parenting relationship if they want their children to adjust well. Children whose parents stay married but fight all the time have issues as well so staying unhappily married isn't the cure.

My parents divorced when I was 3. I am not damaged from it other than to learn that I deserve happyiness.

And I think it is terribly selfish of you to want your parents to stay in a bad marriage for an additional ten years so that you could pretend to be less self involved. Any child that threatens to commit suicide over a divorce of the parents needs to be pimp slapped.

My parents divorced when I was 3. I am not damaged from it other than to learn that I deserve happyiness.

And I think it is terribly selfish of you to want your parents to stay in a bad marriage for an additional ten years so that you could pretend to be less self involved. Any child that threatens to commit suicide over a divorce of the parents needs to be pimp slapped.

I think it's hellish no matter what age the kids are. I was 21 my sisters 19 and 16 when my parents split and I don't know that it would be easier or harder if we were younger when it happened because our childhood wasnt great because our parents were miserable. As an adult watching your parent go thru the pain of losing someone he loved even though she didnt love him anymore was one of the hardest things I've ever been thru. So I don't think I've answered your question at all but I don't believe it's easier just because the kids are older.

I think it's hellish no matter what age the kids are. I was 21 my sisters 19 and 16 when my parents split and I don't know that it would be easier or harder if we were younger when it happened because our childhood wasnt great because our parents were miserable. As an adult watching your parent go thru the pain of losing someone he loved even though she didnt love him anymore was one of the hardest things I've ever been thru. So I don't think I've answered your question at all but I don't believe it's easier just because the kids are older.

This is the same question that was asked in the other thread. No, I don't think people should stay in an unhappy marriage for the kids. They are better off with 2 happy separated parents than 1 unhappy one.

This is the same question that was asked in the other thread. No, I don't think people should stay in an unhappy marriage for the kids. They are better off with 2 happy separated parents than 1 unhappy one.

It should be situational. My parents divorced when I was your age as well, and I was the oldest. My youngest brother was 4. I think that my parent being separated was better because they weren't fighting in front of us. Does depression run in your family? I don't think divorce is a good thing, but I definitely don't think people should wait until their kids are over 18. It isn't a magic number that suddenly makes it easier. It's hard on a family, no matter how old the kids are. I'm all for "for better or for worse". I'm willing to work through anything with my dh, but I would have to look at the quality office my kids. If parents are constantly fighting in front of their kids, how is that better for their well being?

It should be situational. My parents divorced when I was your age as well, and I was the oldest. My youngest brother was 4. I think that my parent being separated was better because they weren't fighting in front of us. Does depression run in your family? I don't think divorce is a good thing, but I definitely don't think people should wait until their kids are over 18. It isn't a magic number that suddenly makes it easier. It's hard on a family, no matter how old the kids are. I'm all for "for better or for worse". I'm willing to work through anything with my dh, but I would have to look at the quality office my kids. If parents are constantly fighting in front of their kids, how is that better for their well being?

Also, there comes a point, in my opinion, that we have to stop bling our parents for our issues. You are in charge of your well being. While I have struggled with depression, exercise, a healthy diet and a healthy attitude have helped me. You can't give someone else so much power over your entire well being. If you are unhappy, it's your responsibility to change that, not blame it on your parents divorce.

Also, there comes a point, in my opinion, that we have to stop bling our parents for our issues. You are in charge of your well being. While I have struggled with depression, exercise, a healthy diet and a healthy attitude have helped me. You can't give someone else so much power over your entire well being. If you are unhappy, it's your responsibility to change that, not blame it on your parents divorce.

My bio dad cheated repeatedly on my mom, was hooked on drugs, and took to regularly beating my mom in front of us. During their last fight, he broke her arm. She finally left him so he got a gun and decided to kill us all. Luckily, he stopped at the bar to get drunk first and bragged about his plans. A person that my mom knew contacted her and she hid us at the neighbors (I remember being passed out the window to my neighbor - they took us out the back way so we would not be visible if he pulled in). He only got probation and still was given partial custody because he could afford a lawyer and my mom could not. So, we still got to endure a few more years of neglect at his hands including second degree burns and dehydration from being locked out of the house on a summer day (we were 7, 6, 5, and 3 years old). The court still refused to take away his rights - thankfully it (the court system) has changed since I was a kid and they pursue cases like this. I for one am very glad my parents divorced. I cannot imagine how horrible my life would have been if they had stayed together my whole childhood. The 4 years of my life they were together produced enough bad memories.

My bio dad cheated repeatedly on my mom, was hooked on drugs, and took to regularly beating my mom in front of us. During their last fight, he broke her arm. She finally left him so he got a gun and decided to kill us all. Luckily, he stopped at the bar to get drunk first and bragged about his plans. A person that my mom knew contacted her and she hid us at the neighbors (I remember being passed out the window to my neighbor - they took us out the back way so we would not be visible if he pulled in). He only got probation and still was given partial custody because he could afford a lawyer and my mom could not. So, we still got to endure a few more years of neglect at his hands including second degree burns and dehydration from being locked out of the house on a summer day (we were 7, 6, 5, and 3 years old). The court still refused to take away his rights - thankfully it (the court system) has changed since I was a kid and they pursue cases like this. I for one am very glad my parents divorced. I cannot imagine how horrible my life would have been if they had stayed together my whole childhood. The 4 years of my life they were together produced enough bad memories.

Yes, depression does run in the family unfortunately. And I do agree with pp that my sister IS overreacting with threatening to commit suicide over a divorce, but she's got a lot of her own issues as well. If thinking its selfish parents to stay together for another 10 years, then I think it's selfish to have 4 kids with someone before deciding to end your marriage.

Yes, depression does run in the family unfortunately. And I do agree with pp that my sister IS overreacting with threatening to commit suicide over a divorce, but she's got a lot of her own issues as well. If thinking its selfish parents to stay together for another 10 years, then I think it's selfish to have 4 kids with someone before deciding to end your marriage.

My husband's parents divorced when he was 20, almost 21. He caught his mother cheating and gave her the respect if stopping and not saying anything...then a couple of months later all the same signs were back again. He then told his father. The way their divorce influenced him was with his relationship with his mother. He has no respect for her because she is a woe is me, I've done nothing wrong type. She's manipulating and everyone se is at fault, not her. He didn't really fully grasp everything (in a sense) that had happened until we married and he was in a marriage. He didn't have an unhappy childhood, but his mom was never affectionate and wasn't very doting. Also, my brother is from a divorced home (since age 2), but has a great relationship with his dad, my dad, and our mother. He never dealt with depression, etc. because if it. Our mother and his father also have a great relationship. His father and stepmom come to family gatherings, etc. We are a different blended family, lol.

My husband's parents divorced when he was 20, almost 21. He caught his mother cheating and gave her the respect if stopping and not saying anything...then a couple of months later all the same signs were back again. He then told his father. The way their divorce influenced him was with his relationship with his mother. He has no respect for her because she is a woe is me, I've done nothing wrong type. She's manipulating and everyone se is at fault, not her. He didn't really fully grasp everything (in a sense) that had happened until we married and he was in a marriage. He didn't have an unhappy childhood, but his mom was never affectionate and wasn't very doting. Also, my brother is from a divorced home (since age 2), but has a great relationship with his dad, my dad, and our mother. He never dealt with depression, etc. because if it. Our mother and his father also have a great relationship. His father and stepmom come to family gatherings, etc. We are a different blended family, lol.

I answered extensively in the staying together for the children thread. Basically, I think my parent's divorce did impact me negatively. In the end, so would them staying together. I think I would have benefitted from more attention and protection in general. Perhaps the divorce is really just was the label I could put on that.

I answered extensively in the staying together for the children thread. Basically, I think my parent's divorce did impact me negatively. In the end, so would them staying together. I think I would have benefitted from more attention and protection in general. Perhaps the divorce is really just was the label I could put on that.

I didn't think the divorce of my parents was the hard part. The step parents and families that came later were the real burden on us kids. I say go ahead and get divorced but don't plan on dating until the kids are out of the house.

I didn't think the divorce of my parents was the hard part. The step parents and families that came later were the real burden on us kids. I say go ahead and get divorced but don't plan on dating until the kids are out of the house.

That's an interesting point. I know all of us hated seeing our father go through different relationships. We hate his new wife even more though. The fact that she's 4 years older than me plays a huge factor in that though and that's a totally different story....

That's an interesting point. I know all of us hated seeing our father go through different relationships. We hate his new wife even more though. The fact that she's 4 years older than me plays a huge factor in that though and that's a totally different story....

My parents both sucked at being together. They and we kids were far better off with them divorced. No more tension. I was pissed to learn they put it off a few years so I, as the youngest, could graduate first and not make my life too complicated. That's a huge load of crap as it made me feel they stayed unhappy AND we all lived w/ tension for years because it would be "easier" on me?? Please. I support working on your marriage and understand the effort, but I also believe not every couple is better off together AND believe everyone deserves to be happy.

My parents both sucked at being together. They and we kids were far better off with them divorced. No more tension. I was pissed to learn they put it off a few years so I, as the youngest, could graduate first and not make my life too complicated. That's a huge load of crap as it made me feel they stayed unhappy AND we all lived w/ tension for years because it would be "easier" on me?? Please. I support working on your marriage and understand the effort, but I also believe not every couple is better off together AND believe everyone deserves to be happy.

I believe so. Both my parents say how they "never loved each other" and "never agreed on parenting, money, etc". So after how long do you realize it's time for a divorce? After 4 kids seems a little much IMO.

I believe so. Both my parents say how they "never loved each other" and "never agreed on parenting, money, etc". So after how long do you realize it's time for a divorce? After 4 kids seems a little much IMO.

My parents finally got divorced and it was the best decision my dad ever made. My mom was abusive, think child called it x psycho make up rumors about your kid to make your actions look justifiable. But he waited way too long to do so.

My parents finally got divorced and it was the best decision my dad ever made. My mom was abusive, think child called it x psycho make up rumors about your kid to make your actions look justifiable. But he waited way too long to do so.

I may be in the minority, but I am glad my mom remarried. My stepdad is the dad my bio father never was. He is my children's grandpa. He never treated us as anything less than his child and actually talked my mom into not having a child with him (he has no bio children) because he did not want us to ever feel second-class.

I may be in the minority, but I am glad my mom remarried. My stepdad is the dad my bio father never was. He is my children's grandpa. He never treated us as anything less than his child and actually talked my mom into not having a child with him (he has no bio children) because he did not want us to ever feel second-class.

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