Good afternoon, cool kids and xbrad. I hope you are all having an excellent post-Thanksgiving Monday.

*barf*

I have received 24 emails from people that want to participate in the first annual H2 Secret Santa so I thought I would put up one more email before I move on to matching people up.

I have received emails from the following people that want to play. If you want to play and your name isn’t on this list, you need to email me again at 88rosetta88 *@* gmail *dot* com. Alternatively, if you’re on this list and you no longer want to participate, please email me and tell me ASAP.

Americano

Andy

BiW

Car In

compos

Cyn

Dave in Texas

Dick

Eddie Bear

Mare

MCPO

Michael & Cathy

Mrs. Peel

Muslihoon

pajama momma

Pupster

Robert

Romy

Rosetta

sohos

Sox

Tattoo

Vmax

wiserbud

xbrad

Remember the simple rules, dummy:

(1) Keep cost under $20 unless you’re buying for me in which case try to keep it under $1,000.

(2) Keep gifts SFW.

(3) Americano and Mare, mail your gifts to me and I will forward them to your peeps.

(4) Try to mail your gift by December 16th. I will put up a post on the 23rd and we can all open our gifts together.

(5) Remember to NOT include your name when you mail your gift.

I will do the names tomorrow morning and then email everyone their person and the appropriate address so you have until then to get on or off the list.

You can also not be a lazy POS and go out and find something fun. In addition to your Targets and your Wal-Marts, if you have a World Market near you, they have a lot of fun candy and other unusual stuff.

Speaking of chill, many argue that chili was invented in Mexico in the early 1800s.

Not that Chilly. A writer from San Antonio in an article called San Antonio: An Historical and Pictorial Guide, wrote: “Chili, as we know it in the U.S., cannot be found in Mexico today except in a few spots which cater to tourists. If chili had come from Mexico, it would still be there.” While there is no written evidence, the legend goes that this dispute was how the battle at the Alamo really began.

During the 1880s, brightly dressed Hispanic women known as “chili queens” began to operate around Military Plaza and other public gathering places in downtown San Antonio. They appeared at dusk, when they built charcoal or wood fires to reheat cauldrons of pre-cooked chili. Their aroma was a potent sales pitch. Some chili queens later built semi-permanent stalls in the mercado. This Chili Queen from 2007 lost her crown due to improper stall placement.

Chili is said to be the food of forgiveness and reconciliation. And though the side effects of consuming chili may contribute to the heating of our planet, it makes everyone happy and fills the world with laughter and joy.

While I hesitate to interfere with the greatness that is mesa’s new boots and the fantabulous Mrs. Peel, which is undoubtedly the best day since Rosetta learned he could molest MAAAAARRRREE! without ever touching her (much to her undying relief), one of our noobies said we need more poats, so here it is.

As a frat boy myself, I can state that while I never got the attraction of tattoos, I never had a choice about the brand.

What’s that? You don’t have one? That’s because you’re a pussy. Until you have been on ‘double-secret probation’, you haven’t really lived.

This has me all nostalgic now…Road Trip!

*********IMPORTANT UPDATE**********

This just in: Police raid Hostage home in Minnesota and carry out personal items of evidence:

In 1492, Ferdinand, the King of Saipan, was thirsty for spices, having issued his “FUCK SALT!” edict after his Southern Baptist hordes had driven the Moors out of wherever the hell they’d been for a while. France, probably.

Pictured: King Ferdinand of Saipan

Wait, can you technically be thirsty for spices? I mean, I guess you could be thirsty for spiced rum, but that’s different. Let’s just say he wanted spices because the ones he had were getting old.

Pictured: Ferdy’s spice jar

Anyway, Ferdinand decided to send Christopher Columbus to Burma for some new spices, and perhaps for some Burma Shave. So, Chris set out on the Mayflower, the Piñata, and the Titanic.

Problem was that Chris Columbus, while fairly competent in his capacity as the director of Harry Potter movies (I’m told), didn’t have a lot of experience with navigating, so he set out in the wrong direction, eventually crashing into Plymouth Rock, which was apparently named after a local car dealership or something. Incidentally, Leonardo DaVincio died during the shipwreck.

Chris and his crew of Puritan Spanglish Lutherans searched the area for anything spicy and even kicked the dirt a little bit to see if they could find any gold nuggets lying around, but didn’t find much of anything. However, they had brought their busty Filipina wives along, and when they suggested going back to Saipan, the wives said they were sick of a certain diving instructor’s sexual advances, so they decided to stay put.

Times were tough for the first few months, but there was a bunch of grass they could eat, and only seventy percent of them died. The rest of them found ways to survive, mostly through unspeakable acts which we won’t, um, speak about here. Incidentally, Teddy Kennedy was born around that time, and served in the Senate until his recent death.

Then, one day, a mysterious, dusky figure showed up at the edge of their settlement, which they had built out of the sails and masts they had salvaged from the wreck of the Enterprise. He was an Indian named Tushquo, and, amazingly enough, he spoke English, having worked at a call center in Bangalore for several years.

Pictured: Tushquo, Farming Tech-support guy

Tushquo helped Chris and the settlers, who became known as “Pilgrims” for some reason that has been lost in the mists of time and alcohol, to learn how to stop eating grass and become successful turkey farmers. He also taught them how to make mashed potatoes, stuffing (and/or the traditional “dressing” that neighboring Hindu sects preferred), and that green bean casserole that people to this day pick the fried onions off of. Oh, and a really good giblet gravy, too. He also proved to be a fashion innovator (though an unacknowledged one) by starting the whole belt-buckle-on-your-hat thing.

Chris and the Spanish Orthodox Presbyterians were so thankful that they invited Tushquo and his people to a dinner of turkey curry, Tandoori turkey, naan, and firewater. Tushquo and his wife, Pocahontas, brought the dinner rolls. Pocahontas would later become the subject of the wildly successful Walt Disney animated feature “Pinocchio.” Somehow, this became the first “Thanksgiving.” This is also why people write “first” or some variation thereof on blog threads and/or lavatory/massage parlor walls.

This was a defining moment in the history of America, as the Native people and Eurotrash sat down together, especially since the following years would see unending conflict, but the fusion of the two cultures would eventually result in this…

Pictured: Douche

The Sacagawea Dollar coin is the culmination of all of this, somehow. Enjoy your postage stamps!

UPDATE: Also, enjoy the time you’re able to spend with your (WHITE, GENOCIDAL!!!!!) families. When you’re participating in the traditional exchange of Sacagawea Dollars, make sure to give thanks for the real stuff that we sit down and honor today.

(If a family member asks you to pass the salt and you’re tempted to mutter something profane, you can probably be forgiven.)

UPDATE 2: President Barack Obama decided this was a big deal, and declared Thursday, November 26, “Thanksgiving Day.” It was unprecedented.

UPDATE 3: (SOX) This commemt was posted at the “Mother Ship”. It seems appropriate….

Mare’s Musings

February 18, 2018

I’ll tell you, I had to turn the Olympics off last night. The gay overload with the gay flags and gayness and the gay skier and the all about gay was too much for me. How does being gay have ANYTHING to do with skiing unless you’re purposefully landing on a pole?