Monday, February 8, 2010

Shrinking

When you don't eat very much your stomach eventually shrinks. I think the same principle applies to love. It's nothing to freak out about, because once you start eating again your stomach stretches out again, and I think once you start loving again you develop a higher capacity for that too. Right now, I am coming off of a love famine. I adore my family. I think they're my only readers, so I'm trying to be sensitive to their feelings, but I haven't had very many friends lately, and so I haven't had enough love. Because sometimes the phone and email aren't enough, and you need to be able to be with people in the flesh. But I love my family, and I know they love me, and I don't want anyone to feel bad. Especially because I am chockerblock full of love right now. It isn't very deep, and I'm not jumping any guns, but I love the crew team. Suddenly I have people. People that cheer me on, and pat my arm, and not only that, but I'm suddenly better at approaching people. I'm moving out of my shell. It feels nice. It feels so nice in fact, that I've lost interest in dating. I am full up of love. Or, since that seems premature, I'm like a person standing on front of an all you can eat buffet, and there's a bakery next door, but I'm pretty focused on what's in front of me. I'm focusing on friends right now. Dating is great for other people, but I just want to build some relationships. I went out with this guy a couple of times, and he was great on paper, but I wasn't feeling it. I'm not looking for a boyfriend. I'm full up right now. Maybe later I'll be ready for that, but right now things are good. I'm not scared. This guy actually liked me. Me, Caroline. He thought I was cute, but he also liked my personality. He wanted a second and third date. Just having that knowledge is enough for me right now. Down the line, when I want to date, I know I'm not un-dateable. Right now though, I just want to chill with the crew team and get close to my existing friends. I'm not lonely. Let that sink in, because it keeps surprising me, and don't worry. I'll date later.