Submissive, Not Passive #Dominance and #Submission

A few days ago I read a post by Beloved Ahava. The topic of the most wasn’t submission, but more about people who think that submissives are passive and weak. That post inspired me. I would love to say that I’m inspired to climb on high and share love and tidings to all who seek knowledge in the land of Dominance and submission (D/s). That would be lovely, wouldn’t it?

Actually, the post aggravated the hell out of me.

I’m submissive (duh, right?). I’m a masochistic babygirl with a sadistic Daddy. I give him as much control as he is willing to take. I kneel before him. I am his personal fucktoy. I do what he tells me to do when he tells me to do it. I rarely question him. I am always polite and respectful – except when I’m sassy. I am his good girl.

You know what else I am? A raging bitch when I’m pissed. Outspoken and mouthy if you’re dumb enough to ask my opinion – and I think I’m right, most of the time. If I don’t think I’m right, I keep my mouth shut. I’m a type A, OCD, control freak in the office, and I run my own department – successfully. I’m respected by my peers at work and my colleagues across the country. I know what I think is right, and I try my damnedest to do what’s right every time. I expect only the best out of myself and those I work with, and woe to the dumbass who tries to get in my way.

Do you know the only person on the planet who never has to deal with this side of me…ever? My Daddy. I granted him control once he earned my trust, once he proved to me that he would take care of me and never purposefully hurt me. He had to prove that he was smart and good, that he knew what the hell he was doing, that he could manage his own life. He also had to show that he would listen to me.

Giving him control doesn’t mean I don’t still have a voice. He and I talk all the time, and he knows how I feel about everything we do. Sometimes I share my thoughts and feelings willingly, and sometimes it has to be pulled out a little bit – our relationship is a work in progress.

I read the best quote (and failed to find it for this post, damn the interwebs) that goes something like, “A Dominant must earn her submission every time He dominates her. ” One falsehood, one time of losing control in a negative scary way, just one major thing that causes my security and trust to waver, and we’re back to square one. That’s how submission works. For the record, my Daddy takes the utmost care with me each and every time, and I’m not worried about a thing.

He’s a Dominant, not a dictator. He’s in control, but I must always be a willing participant.

And, for the record, I’m submissive, not passive.

Side note: Daddy is here with me for two weeks – for Christmas and New Year’s! Yay!!!

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About the author

Kayla Lords

I am an erotic author, sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, and an opinionated marketer. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!

At first I thought you were pissed off at Ahava, who I know to be a strong independent submissive wife. I was scratching my head. Then I went back and re-read her post and understood you were pissed off at ignorance. Yes, dealing with stereotypes and ignorance and pigeonholing of any kind hurts us all. Period.

I know this is something that has been said many many times in different places but being able to submit to someone takes an extreme amount of courage and strength and is not at all a sign of being passive or weak.

This, I think, is what most submissives need to be able to articulate to others AND themselves. I’m still a strong woman regardless of my submission and, in my opinion, BECAUSE of my submission. Consider the amount of strength it takes to trust your partner to know you well enough to take care of all your needs…and the strength that’s required to speak up, respectfully, of course, when you need something new or additional. And I am NO ONE’S doormat. 🙂

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