Monday, December 7, 2009

Korea Bound?

When Tom stopped by in the middle of his shift, things were not going well.

For starters, Natalie was in the middle of throwing a gigantic fit over the fact that I told her that she was two and not three. I wish I were joking. She had run up to me and had gone, “Mommy, I three!” and I had kindly said, “No, sweetheart, you’re only two,” and she suddenly sank to her knees, let out an ear piercing scream and bellowed, “I’m THREEEEEEEEE!”

It’s times like that when I wish I had an actual job where I could deposit her at a daycare facility and let the caregivers deal with her ridiculous tantrums.

Also, I was slightly annoyed that she was screaming because I was in the middle of watching a very good episode of Dawson’s Creek while I was tidying up the living room.

And then Tom walked inside and scared me to death. First he had knocked lightly on the door and I thought we had a package. I was all thrilled because yay, something good to distract me from my daughter’s incessant screaming. But then the door actually opened and I thought, “Burglar! What can I use as a weapon?” and the first thing I grabbed was a coaster. I suppose a coaster could cause damage if thrown correctly but I cannot throw to save my life so what probably would have happened is that the coaster wouldn’t have even reached the perpetrator and would have simply dropped a few feet away from him (or her. There are some bad ass female burglars out there after all.)

But it was just Tom. I assumed he wanted to pick up something for lunch so I said, “There are some frozen meals in the freezer or I can make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.” I scooped up Natalie, who was starting to calm down.

“I don’t want to eat,” Tom answered. I noticed that he had a distracted look on his face. I knew something was up. I mean, you have to understand, my husband always wants to eat. Even if he’s consumed a gigantic meal he’s still able to eat.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. “Look, if you really beg, I’ll make you a ham and cheese sandwich but that’s my final offer.”

“No.” Tom shook his head. “No…it’s just, I just found out that I have orders to Korea.” Then he immediately tensed and braced himself. I don’t blame him. He was probably waiting for one of my famous freak outs. There was one when he informed me we were moving to Montana and I think I traumatized him by the way I carried on. Thankfully that worked out and it turned out we didn’t have to go there after all.

Anyhow, when he told me about Korea, I thought he was joking at first. So I went, “Very funny, Tom. It’s not a good time for jokes.” Then I saw his expression and realized he was serious so I went, “I’m not going to Korea,” and he said, “No. It’s just me. I’m going. For a year. I leave in August.” Then he tensed up again.

I took this in. Tom would be gone for an entire year.

“But remember, I’ll make extra money so you get shop more,” Tom quickly said. He probably thought the screaming was about to commence. But for some reason, I didn’t feel any sort of rage. I just calmly looked at him and went, “Okay.”

“Okay?” Tom raised an eyebrow. He was probably all, “That’s it?”

“Okay. I mean I’ll miss you but I’m just glad I don’t have to go,” I said with a shrug.

I could see Tom’s body relax. “So you’re okay with this?”

“I guess I have to be. And don’t you get to pick the base you want to go to when you get back?” I wondered.

Tom nodded. “I should. What I do is give them a list of bases I want to go to and they try to send me to one of those. But,” and then he went rigid again, “there have been cases where the Air Force just sends a person wherever. So we could wind up at a crappy base.”

My jaw immediately clenched. “But I thought that when you went for a year that you were guaranteed one of the bases that you wrote down.”

“That’s how it should go yes. But….you know the Air Force.” And Tom turned his hands over, palms up.

Yes. I do know the Air Force. My faith in them has been slowly diminishing.

“So I guess we just keep our fingers crossed and hope that the Air Force is fair,” I said.

“I guess that’s all we can do.”

There was a silence. Then I went, “I really am going to miss you. Wow. An entire year.”

Tom took Natalie from me and hugged me close. “I know. But we’ll manage. We can, you know, Skype. You can occasionally show me your boobies and—hey, what!” He dodged my hand that was smacking his arm lightly.

“And I get the bed to myself.” I wiggled my eyebrows up and down. You have to understand that my husband is a very shifty man. His leg usually winds up on my waist and his arm has been known to fling across my face in the dead of night.

I took a deep breath. “We’ll be okay. I know that we’ll be okay. We just have to hope that the Air Force comes through for us this time. We just have to hope that they come through.”

We did Korea in 2004. It was a challenge, but so worth it in the end. We got a lot of bills paid! We put Elmendorf #1 and Grand Forks #1 for overseas and stateside on our dreamsheet. We were totally sure they'd send us to Grand Forks because it was cheaper for the AF, but we got Alaska! So, I'm sure the AF will come through for you. :)

oh man...the joys of the military! this reminds me of growing up...my dad was always on tdy or getting stationed every other month it felt like! i hope that it all turns out for the best!! and hey, more gymboree outfits! yay!

That's a lot time to Skype; but if you have a really strong relationship the time apart can actually make you closer. You'll forget all the annoying habits and remember only the love. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" and all that jazz. So just think how wonderful it's going to be when the two of you are living together again. Good luck.

YAY the bed to yourself!YAY you don't have to throw a coaster at him. YAY you can make Duncan Hines or Bettey Crocker or Pillsbury brownies and he'll never know the difference.Sigh.It's not working.Damn.You'll get to visit?

A whole year of being a single parent? I'm not sure I could survive especially since I don't have family in the area (similar to your situation). I'm sure the silver lining (if it can be confirmed) would be getting a preferred base deployment. Good luck!

hey honey, have a got the man for you to talk to. My baby brother spent time in korea about 3 years ago. that is where he found out that the AF was civilianizing his job. He retired after that tour and is not working as a civilian at a base near home.

Does handling something like that come at a certain age...cause I'm not there yet if so. I wouldn't like that..at all..not one teensy bit. I don't even like a week, none the less a whole year. Wishing you two strength.

Yikes. As much as my own hubbie drives me crazy I would not want him gone for a whole year. Have you ever been separated like this before? Do you have any close family to help you with the kids? Wow. I am so sorry. I guess having to move you and your two kids to Korea would be worse. Good luck! I've got my fingers crossed that his orders will be changed!

I sometimes feel overwhelmed when my husband tells me he's going to be gone three nights and then have to work a half day on Saturdays, and I need to remember there are others out there doing a heck of a lot more. Here's hoping things work out for you all!

I agree with blissed out grandma. You really did handle that well, but you might be in a bit of shock too. Probably some stages of, not exactly grief, but... surprise? anger? fear? excitement followed by guilt? resentment? Oh right. That'd be me. Please use us all when you need us.

My husband spent a year in Iraq. He is a, or was a, Marine. I did spend a lot of freakin' money while he was gone!! It helps a bit! I scare easily too. Once my husband came up behind me in the kitchen in his fatigues and stalking cap and I smacked him hard across the face! It seriously was just my reaction. He didn't look like himself! I just hope you have a good support group out there! My friends and family were paramount! God Bless!

My dad did two tours in Korea when he was in. One when I was 10 and my sis was 3 and one when I was married and she was 14. Both times my mom moved back to her hometown. The first time we lived with my gma. And the second time my mom & sis got an apartment in the same building I was living in. It's hard, we all missed my dad alot but my mom always treated it like it was an adventure. Lol. Sorry to say, my dad did not get his pick of posts after either tour. We went to Arizona after the first one, although two bases later we did end up in England which is what my folks wanted. The second time they ended up in Louisiana. But it could have just been because of my Dad's rank and specific job.

I'll keep my fingers crossed. Oh, and my dad always brought us awesome presents from Korea!! And the Air Force may have it's issues...but it could be worse it could be the Army!!

hi. I'm new here. but I saw this. first "Korea" jumped out because two of my kids were born there. and because my dad went once. for a year. like you said.I'm sorry. I think for the kids it ends up being a part of being an Air Force brat and we just sort of shrug. yeah, we miss dad. huge. undeniably huge. but we are kids and our attention span is kinda short you know? I remember singing preschool songs into the tape recorder so my mom could send them to him to listen to. And she saved all the letters he wrote me so now I have them as an adult. I don't know how many times I asked when he was coming home. no doubt enough to drive her mad. I just know that he did, and he was still the best dad ever.But I know it is a lot tougher for the wife. Hang in there. And thank you. I go to sleep every night grateful that my kids live here, in this country, safe and I know it isn't free.I hope you get the nicest, cushiest, bestest assignment ever when he comes home.

When we first moved away from the state where my husband works, and I found myself home alone with our 3 little ones who were all still in diapers, for weeks and months at a time, it is you the military wives that kept my head up high every time I thought I was ready to explode into a million pieces. It is you where I found my strength as most of you have no contact with your husbands at all for days and days, and it is you that keeps me in check whenever I think my work at home isn't worthy. We will be there for you while he is away, just as you have been there for us!

Oh damn. I hope you guys get a good base that you want when you come back to help make some of it worthwhile. When Stephen was deployed, I have to say that I didn't mind having the bed to myself every night :)

Wow I admire how you are handling everything but you must get used to it as you said. My dad was in the air force and I know my mother was/is the strongest woman i know. he would be gone for weeks at a time.

When he went to korea [before i was born] she and my older sister moved in with her mom for the year...big mistake she said.

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