So my boyfriend says he's turned on by me, and makes playful grabs at my ass and cups my balls and things throughout the day, but when it comes to anything ACTUALLY sexual, I'm always the one who has to start things...

In fact, there are times when I'll suck him off, and I get nothing in return...

We'll go weeks between doing ANYTHING, and I realised the other day that I was having more sex when I was single.....We've been dating exclusively for 7 months!

I've talked to him about it, and he says he understands and that he'll try to do better, and then weeks later it's no different...

Am I so wrong for wanting to be the object of HIS libido once in a while? Is there anything I can suggest without sounding like I just want epic, 24/7 sex? I don't want to come across like it's the ONLY thing that matters, but I'm pretty horny and there's only so much satisfaction one can get from cranking out knuckle-babies.

Geezus! This sounds like my problem. My ex and I were together for 4 years. At first it was an every night thing and we got into every twist and turn but it declined to almost nothing. He stopped kissing me, didn't like to be touched/fingered/rimmed - nothing and did nothing in return but fuck me and never face to face. Just doggie style or spooning. Then I found out he was seeing another guy and I tossed him to the curb. We went through the last 6 months talking (we still work together so we always see each other). He totally stopped seeing the guy and deliberately tries to plan his time with me. We've slept together several times but it's exactly the same - BORING! We get along great. We travel well together, work well together, have the same likes and dislikes and are compatible on almost every level except sex. How do you deal with that? There is a big age difference - I'm 54 he's 25. You'd think he would be the one with the constant hard on but it's me. He's been hinting about moving back in lately and while I would love to have him back this is one area that I can't seem to live with. I need to have passionate, loving sex.

Gold Member

If you're experiencing that level of sexual incompatibility at seven months, bear in mind that it will only get worse, not better. The exes from my 20s and I wound up being much better friends than lovers, though sometimes it took a while to figure that out.

I think the key question is: Does he happily have sex with you every time you initiate it?

If the answer is Yes, then he obviously wants you to initiate. Every time. Are you willing to do that? Is this relationship so good that you'll accept always being the initiator?

If the answer is No, then I agree with what others have said: You two are unfortunately incompatible in this regard. You have really different sex drives. This will generally not get better, only worse.

In a monogamous LTR, sometimes one partner goes through a period of low libido and the other partner stays around because they expect it to pass. If it doesn't pass, a negotiated non-monogamy is one solution. But you're young and have been with this guy only 7 months. And from your posts, it seems that you want more sex from HIM, not just more sex (from him and others).