seriously?

So, the Old Man and i went to a comedy show last night. And for the second time, this club totally disappointed me. You know the “how soon can we leave without looking like douchbags and fulfulling the 2 drink minimum” feeling you get when the dork on stage is about as funny as my aunt Czarina.

[yes, i had an aunt Czarina–great aunt really–and yes, that was her real name. Funny story–she once made meatloaf for the family reunion that looked like brownies. Word did not get around fast enough…]

Now, i am not saying that i could get up on stage and do a better job. I get it–lights, people lookin atcha, not enough liquor in your system–and that’s just sittin in the audience. But let me tell a story. I used to work at a failing school–you know, the kind Republicans are always bitchin about? Yeah–that was our school. And my principal would always have to attend all these stupid meetings to discuss how NOT crappy we were doing. You know who she always brought along? ME. Because i could couch a serious message in humor and lighten the mood in a room. yes. I could MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH. And this would be a room of people who were a) not there to laugh and b)sober. So, and i feel i’m justified here, i get annoyed by so called “professionals” who can’t make a rowdy crowd of drunks laugh harder than a chuckle.

Now one of the comics had a funny bit, and i give him props. You know why? Old Dude. Been doin this a while. Prolly been telling those jokes for a while now–same 10 minutes in a million different towns for a few years now. He knows what works.

But the host was a dick. And let me tell you why.

1.) Mumbler. Look–i get it. I’m a mumbler myself. except when it is necessary to enunciate–like when a mike is in my face. and i don’t mean the guy down the street. although i have to enunciate to him from time to time to get him to respect the restraining order.

2) same joke told a millions ways. Dude. we get that you were poor. the first time your bit was funny. The fifth, not so much.

3. Homophobic jokes. its 2011. the 80’s called. They’d like their jokes back.

4. (the real reason i disliked this guy) “Retard” jokes. Not many–but enough to piss me off. ANd i’m not being PC here–i get that there is a whole genre of jokes about people who are different–and BY people who are different. And I’m not saying they don’t have their place in the comedy world, even if they don’t really make ME personally laugh. But usually they are the in the realm of the insult comic, who has honed his or her craft to pretty much pick on ANYONE, and make people laugh at the same time. But this isn’t what i’m talking about. No–this was the classic bit one might witness in say GRADE SCHOOL making fun of someone with a speech impediment and physical handicap. classy. WHy not throw in a few racist jokes on top of that?

5. a few racist jokes thrown in for fun. Look–if ANYONE know how funny white people are, it’s me. I’ve survived comedically off the “white people suck” card for a while now. But you have to hone those jokes so that you don’t just sound angry and bitter–unless that’s your bit AND it’s funny. Note the AND there.

So after a hour or so of this, we bailed, and felt the better for it. There’s only so much $5 beer you can drink before you start to get belligerent. And the funny thing? WE laughed more AFTER we left than we had all evening. I’m not saying we belong at open mike night. But i’m thinking of a few people who could benefit from a room full of pissed off education administrators…