A Little Bit Bad. Comedy Writer Alex Kaseberg

Here we use only sustainable, organic and gluten-free seasonal jokes. Comedy, satire, sports, editor and occasional cooking tips writer, Alex Kaseberg. E-mail to - or if you need to hire a comedy writer - alex.kaseberg@gmail.com

Friday, May 23, 2014

Eagles - Take it easy 1977

What I love about this clip is that, A, Frey's head is clearly already at the after-concert "Third Encore" party back at the hotel. He is seriously flirting with the hotties in the front row whom the roadies have given party passes to.B, Joe takes off on a rare smoking jam solo that,C, You can tell the Walsh jam makes stone-face Henley furious. You can almost see the smoke coming out of his ears he is so pissed.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Olympic gold medal ice dancer, Meryl Davis, won “Dancing with
the Stars.” In an equally shocking result, air won “The Best Thing to Breathe”
contest.

The NFL is being sued by former players for illegally giving
them prescription pain-killers; upon hearing this, the Cleveland Browns fans
are suing the NFL for not giving them pain-killers.

A study says Florida is the most dangerous state for
pedestrians. It would have been California, but all the pedestrians they tried
to survey had been run over and killed.

A new study of online dating profiles showed men have more
success when they use the phrase, “physically fit.” Women have more success
when they use the phrase; “I’m not a cop.”

Party.

See?
Just saying it is fun. What do you think of when you hear the word party? Me?
Music, laughter, drinks, dancing, grilling, pretty women, cool dudes, red
plastic cups, laughing kids, a barking dog, candles. Never have liked the use
of party as a verb. It goes too well with dude.

Bill
Murray’s secret? He lives life like it is a party. David Letterman says of
Murray; “He’s always inviting me to a party.”

As
a former kind-of neighbor of Murray, I think I can shed some insight into how
Bill Murray lives his life like a party.

Like
all times and all high schools, New Trier East and Loyola – the private
Catholic high school where Bill went – in the Seventies were fueled and driven
by kids trying as hard as they can to be cool. Trying to be cool is, besides
school and sports, your main job.

There
are many factors in being cool, how you look, how you dress, how well you do in
sports, how well you do in school and how well you do with the opposite sex.

Let’s
use a guy dancing as a device to show just how hard it is to be cool. If you
don’t dance at all, that is not cool, but neither is dancing too much. Dance
badly? Not cool, but way cooler than dancing too well. See how tricky this cool
thing is?

A
giant yardstick to measure how cool you were in high school were your parties.
Did you have them? Did people go? Did the cool kids go? Were they fun? Did they
have booze and possibly other stuff? But not too much.

Having
a mansion to throw the party in could be a plus, or it could backfire badly in
that people think you’re a rich spoiled brat.

Bill
Murray, I surmise, threw a lot of parties, because his younger brother John,
who was my friend, threw a lot of parties. And they weren’t fancy, the Murray’s
were rich in siblings and sense of humor only. (The brother and sister infested
house in opening scenes of “Caddy Shack” was exactly like their house)

Me?
Throwing a party was sort of a sticking point in my coolness. Later in college
I threw some good parties, but never in high school. It made me nervous just to
think of throwing a party. What if nobody came? What if stuff got wrecked?

The
good news is I got invited to and attended pretty much all of the cool parties.
Well, not the intimate parties of the super cool kid’s basements, but most of
them. Did I do well in sports? Big yes. Did I do well with pretty girls? A yes.
Did I do well in school and throw rocking parties? That is a big non-check.

Like
Bill before him, John Murray was a good athlete – he made the “A” football team
as a freshman. He was good looking, but not a pretty boy and he did OK in
school. But his popularity was off the charts. Why? He was funny as hell and he
threw a mean-ass party.

Same
thing with Bill, I would, again, surmise.

When
something is a giant badge of honor when you are 17, it stays with you for
life. Being the life of the party is such a badge for Bill Murray.

(Although
I will say my one experience of being in a bar with Bill Murray was not warm
and fuzzy. It was my intention to go up to him and inquire about John, but he
seemed very wary and aloof to strangers, so I begged off. This was in Venice
Beach, CA around 1986 and he was wildly post-“Ghostbusters” famous)

You
know the phrase all’s well that ends well? That was the case with me and high
school parties. All of us helped my buddy, Woodie, throw a party the night of
graduation and it was THE party to attend. We were turning away cool kids.

But
nobody has partied better or longer than Bill Murray. In “Stripes’ when he
offers to party with Lee Harvey? That goof-ball Lee just lights up at the
thought.

The Last of the Mohicans [1080p] - (Final Scene) Sachem's Decision - Ali...

Credit Suisse has been found guilty of helping Americans avoid
taxes and has been fined two and a half billion dollars. Or as Credit Suisse
calls two and a half billion dollars, twenty minutes.

The WNBA rankings are out and the Phoenix Mercury are listed #1.
That is amazing. The WNBA still exists?

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian’s wedding is this weekend in
Florence, I am beginning to think they may have sent my invitation to the wrong
address.

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian’s wedding is this weekend in
Florence. It was a little awkward when Kim was first told they would be married
in Florence, she said; “OK, but I always dreamed of getting married in Italy.”

New York racing officials have agreed to let Triple Crown
contender, California Chrome, use his nasal strip. But California Chrome still
has to sit at the lunch table with all the kids with food allergies.

At the Billboard Music Awards there was a hologram of Michael
Jackson performing; many people felt the hologram was phony-looking, creepy, weird
and not life-like. In other words, just like the real Michael Jackson.

A Tennessee man was arrested for trying to have sex with an ATM.
In addition, he was charged by the bank for making an insufficient deposit.

Las Vegas is placing odds on if this guy is from Florida.

After 500 years, they have found the remains of Christopher
Columbus’s flag ship, the Santa Maria. This for those who gave up hope finding
the lost Malaysian flight #370.

Since you asked:

This is how freaked out and deep-rooted the fears following a
fire storm are: This morning I woke up and freaked out when I saw the white and
dark smoke in the sky. Turns out they were clouds. We have not had clouds for
the entire month of May.

My top fashion/style faux pas:

My Blues Traveler John Popper hat.

1975 Hip hugger, elephant bell-bottoms with multiple sewn-in
seams.

Crocs. Wore them for about a month.

Infinite polyester hippy shirts in the mid-seventies.

Powder blue tuxedo, rented and wore this abomination twice in
high school and once in college. And the black plastic shoes that go with it.

Combed in the middle mullet.

My Italia Adidas that I wore during the summer of 1969 without
socks until they stunk so much, my mother would not allow them in the house.
When I picked them up off the lawn to put them on I noticed they were covered in
flies. A giant mound of our dog, Charlie’s poop, was two feet away sans one
fly.

Around age 7, I wanted the plain tan buckskin/light brown fringe
Daniel Boone jacket. Got instead a shiny brown and cream two tone-number Ricky
Ricardo would have loved, with fringe on the sleeves. When worn with my
raccoon-skin hat with tail, I looked like a Village Person from West Virginia.

When I moved to New York, my khaki trench coat and my tweed
sports jacket were both about two sizes too small.

At the time I was the height of cool, but in 1984, when I moved
back to San Diego, my cotton short-sleeved purple-striped Ralph Lauren button-down
collar shirt and pleated white shorts and tan Top Siders and moussed hair made
me look like Tiffany’s lesbian cousin.

Fluorescent lime green super, super short running shorts in the
80’s.

One Halloween, when Ann Caroline was 5, she was the Little
Mermaid and wanted me to be King Triton at a friend’s Halloween party. So I got
a devil’s pitch fork and painted it gold, got a really good Santa Claus wig and
beard, put on a green turtle neck and spray-painted a tight, tight pair of grey
sweat pants green. The pants were way, way too tight and the talk of the
Halloween party was the King’s wad. Not to brag, but in one of the
pictures, it looks like I am smuggling in a Labrador Puppy.

One of my friend’s neighbors was Spanish and, in an aside to
him, he said;