Minister who was addicted to porn says case not rare

When the Rev. Darrell Brazell, an evangelical minister, first heard that police had found thousands of pornographic images on former Christian-school leader Martin K. Miller's home computer, he wasn't surprised.

"They said they found something like 6,000 images," Brazell said. "That sounds like a lot, but it's not. You can download that much in a very short amount of time."

Brazell knows. He admitted to being addicted to pornography for 15 years.

"I suspect if there was a forensic examination of all the personal computers in Lawrence, some similar-size collections would show up in some very shocking places," said Brazell, pastor at New Hope Fellowship, 1449 Kasold Drive.

Brazell, who said he's been "clean" for five years, counsels and coordinates faith-based support groups for men addicted to pornography.

He said he's met several times with Miller, who was convicted last month of strangling his wife, Mary E. Miller, 46, a librarian at Kansas University. Brazell did not meet Marty Miller until after the man was charged with first-degree murder and was free on bond.

Darren Brazell, pastor at New Hope Fellowship, was addicted to pornography for 15 years. Convicted killer Martin K. Miller says Brazell helped him overcome his own addiction.

During his trial, Miller credited Brazell with helping him overcome his addiction, noting that he had given up porn Sept. 15, which was almost two months after his wife was killed.

Miller also testified he first had a "problem" with pornography when he was 10 or 11 years old.

His ever-escalating addiction, Miller said, caused him to participate in an online adult dating service, which led to his having an extramarital affair with a Eudora woman that included role-playing, bondage, spanking and explicit photographs.

Prosecutors argued that Miller, a carpenter, wanted his wife out of the way so he'd be free to pursue sexual relationships with other women and so he could collect more than $300,000 in life-insurance money.

"As a Christian, you believe that pornography and masturbation are morally wrong," he said. "And yet, because of so many issues that we grow up with, you're attracted to it, which causes all kinds of shame and guilt - you're in pain."

Getting help

In Lawrence, help in dealing with pornography addiction is available by contacting:

¢ Headquarters Counseling Center
841-2345
www.hqcc.lawrence.ks.us
Headquarters staff will refer callers to private counseling available within and near Lawrence.

As this pain intensifies, Brazell said, so too does the attraction to pornography.

"You wind up in this downward spiral that after a while, you can't get out of," he said. "The addict within you does things the rational self would never do."

Non-Christians, Brazell said, may be less vulnerable to pornography addiction because they experience less shame.

Miller testified that his addiction was so out of control that after he was charged in his wife's murder and released on bond, he used money from his children's bank account to buy a new computer to replace the machine seized by police.

He said he intended to use the computer for business, but soon began logging onto pornographic Web sites and accessing adult dating sites.

The sites are especially addictive, he said, because they're easy to find, relatively cheap and, as long as they don't involve children, perfectly legal. Soliciting child pornography is a crime.

Viagra at 20

Cynthia Akagi, an assistant health education professor at Kansas University, agreed that as a group, Christian men are most vulnerable to becoming addicted to pornography. But that's not to say non- or lesser-Christians are trouble-free.

"My concern is the effect that consistently viewing pornography has on personal relationships," she said. "If you're a male, you tend to see women as sex objects who want to have sex 24 hours a day. And you set some unrealistic expectations for yourself, which is why we're seeing 20-somethings using Viagra off the Internet."

Martin Miller, who testified that he had a pornography addiction, was sentenced to life in prison Wednesday afternoon for the murder of his wife, Mary E. Miller. Martin turned to his mother, Ocoee, and asked her to call him.

Akagi said male students tell her it's common for them to log on to a "favorite porn site when their partner's not around."

"Keep in mind, this is a generation that's grown up on the Internet," she said.

Akagi said she's surprised that for much of society, pornography addiction remains under the radar.

"As a health educator, I'd like to see more reaching out - saying, 'Men - Christian or non-Christian - if you're viewing porn every night after your wife goes to bed, you have a problem. Call us for help.'"

She added, "Many things break up marriages these days, and this is certainly one of them."

At Bert Nash Community Mental Health Center, Marciana Crothers, an addiction specialist, said few people have sought counseling for pornography addiction.

"Typically, we see people who are more disturbed by someone else's use of pornography," Crothers said. "I've only had one couple come in (seeking help) for themselves."

Crothers attributed the low numbers to the inherent differences between pornography and alcohol, drugs and gambling. Porn addiction is easier to maintain and hide.

"First of all, as long as it's not child pornography, it's legal and readily accessible - unlike drugs," she said. "Second, when you're drinking, your friends and family get tired of you and start to leave you alone. It's an abandonment that may cause you to seek treatment.

"But with the Internet, you can take part in these adult chat rooms and have unlimited access to people," she said. "It's a lot easier to hide than, say, a drinking problem."

Those addicted to gambling, she said, often seek treatment because they've bankrupted their families. But the Internet, she said, is loaded with free or low-cost pornography.

It's also true, Brazell said, that being addicted to pornography carries a stigma that gambling, alcohol and drugs do not.

"It's much more shameful and difficult to admit to having a sexual addiction," Brazell said. "You can talk about being addicted to alcohol or drugs and it's, 'OK, sure, yeah, here's who can help.' But as soon as you say the word 'sex,' you're a pervert or some kind of child molester."

Brazell said most of the men who take part in his support groups drive in from out of town.

"There aren't a lot resources out there," he said. "Most churches are too terrified to deal with this."

Comments

I'm amazed that so-called "adults" aren't able to take responsibility for their own actions. Like alcohol and gambling, pornography is meant to be enjoyed by responsible adults. Blaming the producers or distributors is absolutely ridiculous. If you develop an addiction to anything that is causing problems in your life, get help.

I'm amazed. A few days ago there were dozens of posts regarding the legal fate of Naughty But Nice, with many of the posts trying to say that porn is normal and harmless. Now there are no posts at all for this story.

This is a serious issue that affects many, many men. Men of Lawrence: read this story carefully. If you see some of these patterns being played out in your life, know for sure that what you are involved with is dangerous... but that there is help.

NBN owners: I'm VERY interested in reading some posts from YOU! Be honest with us. You see the looks on the faces of the men who come in and buy your poison, and it's the look of vacant emotion. The look of emptiness. You have men come by in the morning and rent 2-3 movies, then before you close they rent 2-3 more. You are selling emotional & spiritual death.

How do you sleep at night? And do not say "it's legal" as if that SOMEHOW makes it OK.

This is the most preposterous thing I have read in a long time! 6,000 porn images are NOT alot, because they can be downloaded so fast!! Some how that manages to change the "amount" of the number 6,000!! Porn, particularly child porn grows by massive leaps and bounds due to the continued "idiocy" of statements like the ones frequently attributed to Darrell Brazell. I am NOT saying this man's intentions are good, but he has NO clue as to dealing with pedophiles and should limit his "help" to those so called "addicted" to adult porn which he admits is where his experience is limited to.

Let me get this straight...a man under the age of 95 is strongly attracted to images of women in various positions of sexual availability, and furthermore, feels the urge to attend to these feelings with methods of self gratification. The genius is where Christianity comes in and convinces him that he needs forgiveness for his feelings and what he has ultimately 'done'. A natural response to physiological stimuli now needs the intercession and protection of an intermediary... Finally, an explanation for the existence of christian clergy...we need them to forgive us for biological (and allegedly, god given) urges we would not feel guilty for unless they had suggested that they were bad. It all makes sense now, thank goodness we have christians to 'help' us, otherwise this might just feel acceptable...