Buy the mustard powder and the seeds if you like bumps. Mix with a tablespoon or two of the vinegar of choice and thin to desired viscosity with water.

Within a few minutes it will defy you and absorb all the water and become too thick again. So thin it agin. Thick again. Thin it again. And so on until the powder fully absorbs. Or maybe this doesn't happen outside a desert. At any rate the result is the most amazing Dejon style mustard that you have ever experienced and you will sing its praises thereafter and never look back. I witnessed three undiscerning individuals experience an ephiphany apifony epifeny a whole new thing with some of that on Sunday. I let them have the whole jar because it was already two weeks old and lost most its magic. Three oafs were mystified with weak magic.

Rusty, Here's the dirty secret I learned from a cheesehead butcher/sausage maker. Whether a sausage is listed as venison, pheasant, bison, etc. it has a good % of pork in it for fat flavoring. That is, unless you go to the Just Pheasant Butcher Shop. It's just around the corner from the Just Suckers Candy store in downtown Idiot, Wi.

It's a peasant being roasted on a spit as if it were an ordinary thing. And I'm like how can it go missing like that when I put it in three places?

But I know this guy who actually shoots pheasants and has those long feathers all over the place decorating an otherwise not macabre and were it not for dead things beautiful home. One of my best paintings is hanging there prominently and I get a lot of mentions from it. One day I couldn't think of Dan Quayle's name and reached for the obvious mnemonic thing and my friend who hunts laughed and goes, "I never made that connection."

For those of you planning to try making your own mustard Chip Ahoy's advice is good, but there's one more important thing: do not use metal implements of any kind. The metal inhibits the enzymes that creates the mustard flavor. Ceramic, plastic or glass only, and no iron in the water (I haven't tried really hard water, so I don't know if calcium or magnesium are a problem).