BRIAN SAYS: 3 easy ways to lose my vote

Published: Wednesday, August 13, 2014 at 06:11 AM.

We received the infamous out-of-town-PAC-funded campaign mailing a couple weeks ago.

And I think we also received a follow-up robocall, though we immediately hung up upon hearing those first few seconds of silence and returned to our supper.

The mailing and call were so helpful as we weighed the issues: We instantly eliminated that candidate from consideration.

So, candidates, do you also want to lose my vote? It’s easy! Just follow these three simple steps.

1. CALL ME AT HOME.

I’m on the National Do Not Call Registry. If I wanted you, your robocalls, your political action committees, Matt Gaetz’s PACs and your pollsters to interrupt dinner, movies, naps or reading time, I wouldn’t have bothered to register.

I know politicos have exempted themselves from laws they expect everyone else to follow, but abuse of the Do Not Call registry is subject to something even stronger than the law: manners.

We received the infamous out-of-town-PAC-funded campaign mailing a couple weeks ago.

And I think we also received a follow-up robocall, though we immediately hung up upon hearing those first few seconds of silence and returned to our supper.

The mailing and call were so helpful as we weighed the issues: We instantly eliminated that candidate from consideration.

So, candidates, do you also want to lose my vote? It’s easy! Just follow these three simple steps.

1. CALL ME AT HOME.

I’m on the National Do Not Call Registry. If I wanted you, your robocalls, your political action committees, Matt Gaetz’s PACs and your pollsters to interrupt dinner, movies, naps or reading time, I wouldn’t have bothered to register.

I know politicos have exempted themselves from laws they expect everyone else to follow, but abuse of the Do Not Call registry is subject to something even stronger than the law: manners.

If you can’t obey a simple request like “Do not call me,” what makes you think I’d trust you with more complex matters that face the office you seek?

2. TRASH YOUR OPPONENT.

I want to know what you’re planning to do for my community and how. Tell me about you, what you stand for and how you plan to approach the issues and solve the problems.

I am instantly unimpressed when you — or your pal’s out-of-town PACs — misconstrue your opponents’ out-of-context quotes, or recycle ancient photos to make it look like your opponents hobnob with someone who, many years after the photo was taken, fell from grace.

Such shenanigans tell me you have no ideas of your own and therefore you must resort to bullying.

I appreciate that you need to contrast your stance against your opponents, but do it politely. If you can’t, then I sure don’t want you — and your crony’s out-of-town PACs — representing me.

3. DON’T SHARE MY VALUES.

This one should be self-explanatory. You can respect the Do Not Call Registry and run a clean campaign, but if we don't see eye to eye on the issues that matter, no amount of sweet talking will help.

I can't be bought.

There it is: Three things candidates do that turn off this voter. If you make any of these mistakes, especially the first one, I’ll vote for your opponent.