Thursday, July 09, 2009

Pause, reflect and refocus…

Let’s jump in, shall we?

A bitch has been reflecting.

Mmmhmm, I’m a big fan of inner-work and often pause to examine what the hell I’m doing and why.

Reflecting is a sometimes disturbing other times inspiring and often frustrating experience. It usually exposes some fucked up from the floor up cases of bullshitting myself and more than one instance of allowing fear to guide my actions.

Shit, a bitch is nothing if not a human bitch (wink).

But, despite the disturbitude reflection causes, this bitch does it on a regular basis because it is a necessary part of refocusing and keeping my eyes on the prize.

Sigh.

I’ve spent the past month reflecting on my life.

On this blog.

On my writing in general.

On my relationships.

On my career and activism.

And on whether all these things point toward my personal mission.

Yeah, a bitch got heavy on my own damn self…made my own Afro hurt more than once…and came up with some changes while deciding to keep other shit the same.

My blog is my outlet and the source of my online activism. This bitch is an activist who blogs and I think I lost sight of that in recent months. I’ve struggled to fit my volunteer work in rather than the other way around. No, I’m not quitting…this blog is still a hell of a lot cheaper than therapy and I fucking enjoy it! But I am refocusing on my offline work because it fuels my soul. You probably won’t notice a change, but I will and that’s important.

A bitch has been neglecting my other writing…my book and other journalism. Spinning in circles while not doing anything all that well is a dizzying and annoying state of being…so again, a refocus is in the works. This you hopefully will notice since I hope to get my book published!

As for my relationships…my family and friends…I’m forgiving myself for phoning it in and feeling sometimes overwhelmed. I want to be the best sister possible and the kind of friend I need others to be in my life...and my quest for perfection has led to inner turmoil and stress. For that I apologize to myself and to anyone in my circle who has had cause to wonder what the fuck is wrong with me! I love all y’all and you know who you are…more than cold fried chicken and chocolate cake at 3 o’clock in the morning! I promise to lead with love more.

Finally, my career and activism. I adore my work…that which pays the bills and puts kibble in my dawgs dinner bowls and that which fuels my soul and allows me to practice the fine art of bitchitude in my community. ‘Tis a blessing to be able to say that I truly enjoy what I do and I’m refocusing on that gift now.

So, does all that shit assist me in working my personal mission in life?Pause…reflect…continue.

Yes.

Oh, hell yes.

And seeing the truth of that…knowing the truth of that…has made all this Afro taxing inner work based reflection worth it.

Er, yeees, or there again, er, noooo! To be honest I'm not too sure what all that meant, but then I'm not one for too much inner analysis, possibly because there's never been too much in there to analyse.

However, if whatever it is makes you feel better about whatever else it is then I say 'jolly good show', or should that be 'right on, baby'?

Looks like Spirit has paid you a visit and has encouraged you to assess what is "real" and what is not. We are living in Special Times. An amazing Opportunity is at hand for all of Humanity. Your Reflections are a symptom of that.

Continue to listen to and follow the Silent Voice of your Inner, Higher Self.