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July 8 – Bend Me Over Slammer

Drinking Class

Over my years of experience, I’ve noticed that there are many different classes of drinkers. Like a Lord of the Rings quest, you have your wizards, elves, dwarves, and hobbits and together, you all make up a party of sorts. Let’s take a look at who might be travelling with your troupe:

Sippers

The Sipper slowly consume their drinks. They may only have a couple at a gathering, taking their time to work their way through a drink… a drink that is largely ice-diluted by the time they finish. I’m not saying Mama Sip belongs in this category, but Broski Sip and I once humourously watched her gingerly sip at a drink for nearly an hour when we were at a family function in Germany and wanted to get back to our hotel (it was 3am and we had been outside all night with people who mostly only spoke the native language, as fabulous as they all were… we assume). The heartbreaking moment came at the point where she went in for a sip, got distracted by a relative and pulled the drink away from her mouth.

Slammers

The Slammer arrives at a party and goes to work like liquor is a commodity on the brink of extinction. They down a few drinks in quick succession, taking little time to actually enjoy the concoction, be it beer, wine, well drink or anything else. Before you know it, the Slammer is drunk off their ass and looking for a place to nap (in best case scenarios). Don’t get me wrong, the Slammer is fun for those few hours they’re able to join the party, but when they come crashing down, it’s best to send them on their way, find them a bed or at the very least, make sure they know where the vomitorium is.

Guzzlers

The Guzzler seems to always have a drink in his hand. Once one is finished, another is being poured. This is likely the category where your friendly neighbourhood Sip Advisor falls into. It is the alcohol version of a chain smoker… minus the emphysema and cancer.

Complainers

I’m often working hard in The Sip Advisor lab making creations for our friends. Most people enjoy getting to try unique drinks for free that anywhere around where we live would cost $8-$10 minimum. But you get the odd guest who doesn’t necessarily complain about the taste of the drink, but the alcohol content. You make them a single and they say they can’t taste the alcohol. Well, in a perfectly made cocktail, you shouldn’t be overwhelmed by the alcohol. So, I do what any spurned bartender would: double up the alcohol in their next drink. Of course, now they’re complaining that it’s too strong. What do I care, it’s not like I get tipped anyway!

Shooter

A Shooter enjoys their drinks in a similar fashion to the Slammer, but has greater longevity. They drink quickly and often, having a high survival rate. These are the people you want in charge of a function because they can keep their stuff together no matter how many libations they have imbibed in.

Unfinishers

This is the group I like the least. A cardinal rule in the Sip Advisor offices is that no drop of liquor goes wasted. The Unfinisher routinely leaves drinks half consumed… a total waste of precious alcohol and mixer. In my opinion, this should be a punishable offence. And that punishment shall be death by intoxication. Okay, maybe that’s a little harsh. How about they have to go around and finish every single half-downed drink at the party?

The Jekyll & Hyde

This one is quite obvious; it’s the drinker whose personality drastically changes with only a couple drinks: The quiet people who become loud and obnoxious. The tame people who become bold and daring. The people whose language of choice seems to change with each libation. You’ll notice that drinking never really has an opposite effect on Type-A personalities, only Type-B. If a person is already an asshole, drinking will only enhance their assholeness.

Like looking in a mirror!

The Yo-Yo

One drink, one water… slow and steady wins the race. These are the folks who fear hangovers so much that they spend a great deal of time prepping against one. Hey, whatever works for ya. Thankfully, I’m impervious to being hung. Not that I’m opposed to water… I love that shizzle!

One More Drink People

Another section that you could lump the Sip Advisor into. I’m always down with the concept of one for the road. The problem is, myself and my kin never really know when “one for the road” should ever really stop. Does it really matter, though? We’re pretty awesome people… just enjoy our company while it lasts!

Drink #189: Bend Me Over Slammer

Slam that sucker on the table and down it with vim and vigor. So, what kind of drinker are you? No complainers please!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This is the first “slammer” we’ve featured at The Sip Advisor and it’s a fun little drink, despite the mess… and there was quite a bit of mess from the shaking and slamming in an attempt to get some bubbles going. I think the slammer concept is better performed in shot glasses, but I did as the recipe suggested. As far as taste goes, it was nice, but nothing amazing.

1 thought on “July 8 – Bend Me Over Slammer”

I had a reader comment to me that it was odd to see this drink without my typical elaborate garnish. This drink gets too messy to have a garnish attached… you’re supposed to put a napkin over it and slam it against a surface, so I went sans garnish.