Remember as a kid when you wanted to be alone and you just closed your eyes thinking no one could see you? It’s in us all. We have an innate need to be alone sometimes. More often for some than others, but we all do. As kids, we’d close our eyes, or hide in the closet or under a blanket. The luckiest of us had a treehouse to escape to.

Having some alone time is just as important now as it was then. Spending time alone gives you a chance to think, regroup, relax and breathe. You spend all your time nurturing others, you need some time to nurture yourself, too. It’s good for you and it’s good for your relationship. You are not just Mrs. Jones. You are you. You have your own interests, just like he has his own interests, and you need your space to pursue those interests.

Call it a Mom Cave, yoga studio, your office, or the recent, brilliant She Sheds, you need a space to call your own. Your escape. You can argue that you have your kitchen. This may well be true. But, but, it is only truly “My Space” when it is vacated by others. And really, how often is that?

If you are lucky and have a spare room to claim as a room of one’s own, wonderful. If not, you can find some place. It doesn’t have to be big. It can be any corner, nook or cranny. You just have to make it yours. What do you want to do in your space? Read, paint, watch TV, drink wine? Do you want to listen to Rock music or 80s Boy Bands? How do you want it to feel? Cozy and warm? Bright and light? Whatever your pleasure, is what it should be.

And if the kitchen really is your sanctuary, and baking is what you do to decompress, then how about striking a deal with your family. When you are wearing your red bandana, that is the equivalent of “the door is closed” or “I am in my private space”. Just like when you were a kid, your private space can be in your head.

Try it. It’s a beautiful thing.

What do you do when you have some alone time? Where do you escape to? What’s your private space look like? Share your stories in the comments below. We’d love to hear.

You and me both, Ellen. My deck, the trees and my garden are my haven. We move in August, and I’m already trying to figure out where I’ll set up camp in the new yard…maybe even build a She-Shed.

When I’m in need of a full retreat from reality, then I hide in a good TV show – lately it’s Velvet – lots of beautiful people and beautiful clothes and worries about love to keep me pleasantly wrapped in my imagination.

I value alone time; I’m a recluse. The sign on my office/art studio door reads “Way, way out of the office.” There are chimes on the door, left there by my daughter. Even a hint of another human being sets them chiming.

I have learned to honour the art of ‘doing nothing’. Forget all those memes about being happy, and doing stuff. Do nothing. It leads to a host of creative activity. Give your mind over to space, and time, and silence, and boredom. Don’t keep busy. Keeping busy, in my opinion, sucks the healing, creative juices right out of many of us.

So that’s what I do – nothing that leads to something. Now if only I could train my husband to knock before he enters.