The song was first revealed in a PledgeMusic update on June 29th 2016, which featured an in-progress music video with Alex and Joe rapping along to the lyrics. The update stated Joe and co. were hoping to have it animated in rotoscope fashion. The in-progress video was later removed from the PledgeMusic page.

(Alex)
Gee, I'm a wizard, and here is my cloak
'Walk around in the woods, make' me feel like the POPE
Just cruisin’ with the breeze on a cloudy day
In only a cloak, what can I say?
Making all the witches want to come and play
'Cause my cloak is so fly and I wear it for days, hey, uh,
I'm just walkin’ down the path,
Smellin’ the sweet grass, all the witches say I’m like the FLASH
In my cloak; so fast.
I might go for a soak in my cloak, 'cause it’s waterproof.
Got a hood on it too, which is honestly just
Incredibly convenient.
Lo and behold, there goes an old crone;
Hey old crone, how are your old bones?
("Why do you look so lackadaisical,
Wand'rin' around in your great big cloak?")
I'm too dressed to be stressed in my great big cloak.
("But what is a wizard without a quest?
What's the point of even living without a quest?")
Lo and behold, a gnome and bridge trolls.
Hello gnome; hello you bridge trolls.
("Just as we gnomes must sit all day,
A wizard must quest his life away.")
Am I a wizard without a quest?
("Just as we trolls must guard the way,
A wizard never rests and never plays.")
Tell me am I not a wizard without a quest?
I've gone so far, I'm so astray.
I really can’t afford delay.
And even though it pains me so,
I need a quest; it's what I owe.
But I've searched for quests, looked high and low…
I need to call my old friend Joe.
(Pick up... Come on, pick up...)
(Joe)
Hello?
(Alex)
Joe!
(Joe)
Yo, you need a quest?
(Alex)
However did you know?
(Joe)
Alex, do not vex;
Variety garden pressure from crones, gnomes, and trolls
Can make one sicker in the gully than stoned Micks in rolls
First off, hats off to your tenacity
In the face of one ambivalent queen’s rhapsody.
But isn't there a dragon, a basilisk or boss?
A plague of the land or a scourge of special sauce?
(Alex)
I was at a crossroad trollin’ the wood feelin’ dope,
In my clo'
(Joe)
O, you have the goods!
But wizards can be perfectly apt without quests,
Sometimes we never know what’s best left to test.
(Alex)
What if this angst is too legit, and I'th quit,
Or what of a destiny left best to sit?
Where are those heroes about whom Homer spoke
'Fore posers took adventure for some brand of joke?
(Joe)
Into this world we're thrown...
(Ryan)
Joseph? Joey-Joe?
(Joe)
Hm, I can't answer every question for you,
But if you're yearning for a journey here's what you can do:
Tell the bridge trolls you've a bigger brother;
They should let you pass to eat the other.
Now the paths before you split into infinity.
Find the one with the mark of the trinity.
(Ryan)
Something bit me and I'm leaking body fluids; this hurts...
(Joe)
Sweet, that's street cred with the druids;
Stealth walk through their sacred neighborhoods
On the skirts of Mr. Robin's Hundred Acre Wood.
Climb the redwood taller than the tower,
Half its leaves are really paneled solar power.
There's a branch at the top that pulls to drop a tunnel;
Cross your arms and BRACE YO'SELF to funnel
To a secret room beneath the Treetown Sound,
Strike a match and fall onto the ground;
Duck under the bed or alarms shall crescendo!
(Ryan)
K; what’s in the box?
(Joe)
It's a Nintendo.