Weekly wrap: state of confusion

What a week this has been. A week of aggression and treachery, in which all were asked to choose sides, and surprisingly, nobody chose the right one.

It would be impossible to tell the story of this week without focusing sharply on the most momentous news to reverberate around the world in the last few days: the decision by NRL star Israel Folau to defect to the AFL's new Greater Western Sydney club. It was perhaps the most earth-shattering move in the long history of Australia's inter-code football wars, setting the local sporting landscape alight with furious debate; and the global sporting landscape alight with blank stares.

But there's no doubt that, unless you happen to be one of the tiny minority of people who do not live in Australia, this represents a seismic shift in the business of sport. Will Folau make it in the AFL? GWS coach Kevin Sheedy certainly thinks so, taking the gutsy, maverick position that his decision to relentlessly pursue Folau at the cost of several million dollars was a pretty good one. And while it is true that Folau is not noted for his kicking skills, or his physical stamina, or for ever having watched a game of Aussie Rules all the way through, prior knowledge of a sport is not always necessary in order to become an elite performer. For example, Mark Webber only learned to drive two weeks before his first Formula One race, while Greg Norman to this day doesn't know how to pronounce the word "golf".

Folau of course will be well paid, but he made it clear that he did not make the switch purely for the money; he was also extremely excited about all the things he could buy with the money. Meanwhile, NRL chief David Gallop expressed his disappointment with Folau's decision, declaring himself absolutely flummoxed as to why rugby league players continued to go elsewhere for nothing more than massively inflated salaries. Gallop yearned for the good old days, when players were satisfied with the love of sport, the bonds of team, and the high risk of serious injury putting a premature end to an already terrifyingly short career. "Such greed," Gallop lamented, tears welling up in his beady little eyes.

Of course, there was another significant story this week, playing out in the Middle East, where Israel lived up to its reputation as the Dennis the Menace of geopolitics by launching a mischievous commando attack on a flotilla of peace activists and aid supplies attempting to challenge the blockade of Gaza. The fact this story came along the same week as the Israel Folau story caused considerable public confusion, many people coming away from news bulletins convinced that Israel Folau had been shooting at civilians, or that Turkish peace activists had beaten David Gallop with iron bars. Either of which would have made a better story than the real one, in which at least nine died, and which was immediately described by numerous commentators as a "public relations disaster" for Israel; a crushing blow for the Jewish state, given its renowned respect for public opinion.

Indeed, as condemnation flooded in from all quarters this week - including from the US, which was absolutely adamant that Israel must conduct an investigation into itself, to ensure absolute impartiality - Israel was faced with the stark reality that unless it changed its ways, it might find itself subjected to the harsh glare of mild, temporary disapproval. Even the mighty, all-powerful UN has weighed in, calling for an end to Israel's policy of blockading Gaze, and also, if it's not too much trouble, to its policy of ignoring the UN. This is a grave development: everyone knows that upsetting the UN is a dangerous game, what with its hair-trigger tendency to call meetings at the slightest provocation.

Australia's response was also critical: the government expressed its sorrow and concern, deploring the use of violence; and Bob Brown condemned the attack in no uncertain terms, declaring Israel would be judged "in the court of world opinion", to which Israel replied, "Phew. That's all right then." The Opposition, meanwhile, withheld judgment until it had more information, although Julie Bishop released a statement asserting that helicopter commando attacks in international waters were nothing new, and everyone was doing it. Followed by another statement asserting that she didn't understand the question.

Israel wasn't the only one making waves on the world stage this week, as BP continued its heroic efforts to avoid environmental disaster through a strategic combination of sincere apologies and incompetence. Hope seemed to have arrived when director James Cameron offered his assistance, but he was unfortunately turned away by the oil giant, which pointed out that his expertise was in carrying out maritime disasters, not stopping them. Cameron expressed his dismay that "those morons don't know what they're doing", articulating the feelings of millions of frustrated Americans who don't understand why authorities never seem to turn to the world of cinema to solve their problems until it's too late. Cameron also said he knew some "really, really, really smart people" who could help, causing much forehead-smacking in the White House and BP headquarters. "We never thought of asking smart people!" the bigwigs cried.

All the international turmoil was enough to almost overshadow affairs in the domestic realm, where the big issue was the government's decision to grant itself an exemption from its own rules on taxpayer-funded advertising in order to launch a pro-resources tax campaign. The Opposition, gleefully seizing on the move, brought up Kevin Rudd's pre-election declaration that government-funded advertising was a "cancer on democracy"; to which Rudd pointed out that if only people had let him finish, he would have explained the difference between "good cancer" and "bad cancer". This did not placate voters, who had placed their faith in Rudd in 2007 on the basis that their democracy had cancer, and he was the chemotherapy they were looking for; only to find out that the Labor government was more like a herbal remedy, giving us false hope until we waste away to a frail, advertising-saturated nothing.

Of course, Labor had a powerful response readymade, consisting of three main points: 1. John Howard was much worse. 2. Urgent action is needed to counteract the stream of lies and misinformation spewing from the miners. 3. Seriously, how bad was John Howard? And thus the ALP laid the groundwork for its upcoming election platform, "Kevin Rudd: Still Not Howard". This may resonate with some, although after all this time there is a definite risk of a backlash from voters who are now convinced that John Howard was actually just an urban myth.

But at least the spotlight has been turned on the vexatious issue of government advertising, and when it is and isn't appropriate. On the one hand, it seems unacceptable for a government to use our money to save its own political hide; but on the other hand, the miners are indeed launching a concerted anti-government campaign which surely merits a strong response, and besides, seriously, don't you just want to kick Clive Palmer in the knees? So there are arguments on both sides.

And it was a week full of competing arguments, where it was never possible to pin down just which was the right one. Is the AFL right to pay big money to those who have never played the game, or is this unfair to lower-paid men who have devoted their lives to the game? Is Israel right to take any action necessary to secure its own sovereignty, or is it guilty of intolerable aggression towards those who seek to expose its nefarious actions? Is Kevin Rudd right to raid our hard-earned incomes to brainwash us into accepting his increasingly deranged megalomania, or is Clive Palmer a big fat wheezy twat?

There are no right or wrong answers to these questions, except for one of them, which I think is pretty obvious. All we can do is argue, discuss, debate, engage in dialogue, ensuring that all the facts are on the table, all opinions are heard, and nobody has to actually take any practical action, and I'm sure we'll all be fine.