Valentine’s Day is a funny day for me. Not as bad as ‘sweetest day’, but pretty close. Why? Because it’s a made up day. Well, not really; it does had ancient roots as a fertility festival time. But, Valentine’s Day with the way Westerners celebrate it, it completely fake. It’s a day to prove your love to someone by buying them things. It’s a day of cards, candy, flowers. Those companies that sell these products need us to buy this stuff, so they push the guilt trips.

I don’t want to be bought something because it’s a day to buy it according to the media and companies that are selling stuff in stores. If I could stay out of the stores, I wouldn’t feel the need to buy anything. But, the pressure is there. And being poly, makes it even harder. Why? Because I saw my husbands girlfriend get flowers delivered from her new boyfriend. And then candy delivered from her other boyfriend. And my husband’ play partner had dinner made for them by a friend on their date night just before Valentine’s Day. I must say that I was a little jealous. Logically I knew I didn’t need my guys to prove anything to me with gifts …..but…..

If it was just me and my husband, like it used to be, gifts and cards wouldn’t be bought on Valentines Day. There just isn’t a need. We know we love each other, the cards will get thrown away at some point, the candy isn’t part of our eating plan, cut flowers are dead, and giving me a live plant is like handing someone over to a known murderer. So, what’s the point? We do we give these gifts on this day? And how did I get sucked into this year?

Well, it started with the resolve not to give each other cards or gifts, for all the reasons I mentioned above. I remained firm. Then, I was in the grocery store where the cards were right there as soon as you walked in the door. They were pretty and I looked. Then, I found one that I absolutely wanted to give to my husband partner. I flipped it over and saw that it was $9.00. $9 !!!!! What the hell? It’s a folded piece of paper with a saying. Granted it’s a nice piece of paper and I love the saying. But, I’m not paying $9 for a card that is going to gather dust or be thrown away. So, I put it back.

But, the line had been crossed. I had actually thought about getting a card. So, the next day when I was in the line at the post office and saw the rack of cards, I couldn’t resist temptation. And there was a card with a skunk on it. A skunk. Dan’s animal totem is a skunk. And right next to it was another card that was perfect for my boyfriend. Damn! I just couldn’t resist. I bought them, knowing that I was then going to have to let the husband know that I bought him a card so that he wouldn’t be taken by surprise since we don’t usually do that.

Then, the next day I’m in the grocery store again. There was candy. There was Star Wars candy that the boyfriend would LOVE. And there was the kind of candy that my husband likes slightly more than others. I look hard to find the perfect ones, and then add them to the grocery cart. What the hell am I doing? Am I really buying this stuff? I didn’t get anything from the boyfriend last year, probably because he heard that the husband and I didn’t exchange gifts. But, here I was this year buying cards AND gifts. And even went so far as to buy the boyfriend’s wife a card. I’ve really gone over the deep end.

The next day was my day to visit the boyfriend. I brought his gift and card, her card and even bought their son a bag of candy. I was uncontrollable. Kicking myself for falling into the Valentine’s trap. Afraid I was going to make my men feel obligated to buy me something in return on a day we don’t usually celebrate. But, also feeling happy that I had bought them something. I do like giving gifts, just not on days that society says I should or I’m a failure.

I warned the husband about the card and gift, assuring him that he didn’t need to give me anything in return. I knew he would accept my words.

But, the next day at the Poly Valentine’s dance, the boyfriend brings a gift bag with 2 things that are so ‘me’. Which makes me feel guilty because I only got him candy. And the day after Valentine’s day, on our date night, the husband gives me a gift right before bed. He’s excited about it…and it helped that he found it on sale the day after Valentine’s Day. I’m betting he fell into the same trap that I did about seeing the other partners giving gifts. It would have been ok if I hadn’t crossed that line, but I did. Which means he’d be the only one not giving a gift. He didn’t want to be THAT guy that society warns us about. The guy that is taking us for granted because he didn’t profess his love on the one day of the year that he should. Oh wait. The second day of the year. The first day is an anniversary day. Can’t forget that.

So, I’ve decided that if I’m going to give gifts of love, I’ll do it throughout the year at random. And the real gift I give him next Valentine’s Day, is the note before-hand that I don’t intend to buy him anything. That will be the best gift of all.

Now, to get through our anniversary in a couple of weeks. I’ve already bought him something and let him know ;)