The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 3.1

Welcome to the triumphant, jam-packed return of The Most Important People on The Internet and while this week’s installment is extra-loaded, it’s not because I included comments from the week from hell, but because at least 20 of these were from Monday. 20. So a special thanks to you little deviants for being the Viagra for this edition’s word-boner. On a less-penis-jokey note, I want to call out the real winner of the Internet this week and it’s 19-year-old Zack Kopplin who’s making an actual difference in this backwoods country instead of flopping around the floor of a church gym on Wednesday nights pretending he’s possessed by his imaginary friend’s ghost. (Wow, that came off salty.) So screw Manti Te’o. Screw Megan Fox. Screw Taylor Swift. This kid’s story is the Jon Hamm’s penis tits. I love tits. Ahaha!

No they don’t. A lot of people have some sort of fetish, some even weirder (I know mine is), but you don’t see a lot of people (outside the porn industry) who make movies in order to satisfy their fetish. I may be taking this too far (OK, I AM), but I still haven’t gotten over Kurt Russell sucking Rosario Dawson’s toes in Death Proof…