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Topic: Why are you shouting? (Read 10610 times)

I have what most people would think is an old-fashioned corded phone that has no reception problems. Most people I know either have cordless receivers or cell phones only and they shout. It gets on my last nerve even with the volume control down on my receiver. I spoke with someone this morning whose signal was poor and her speech came in garbled. Sometimes people react like I'm being rude for pointing these things out.

My husband does this occasionally. I get his attention, give him a big smile and say "Babe, I can't hear the tv anymore. Could you finish your call in the other room please?" Either you or your Dad should try it.

This would be the tactic I would suggest.

It's what I'd suggest, too. It's addressing the matter in the moment in a casual, non-accusing way. You can do the same outside. "Hey, Mom? Could you turn down the volume? We can't hear each other over you."

Yep, this is what I'd suggest as well. And if she gets defensive, so what.

This has been a problem for about 15 years, so it isn't recent. Before now, I was less affected, as I either had my own apartment, was a reclusive teenager, or was young enough that I had a playroom.

I will try a polite interruption the next time this occurs. When I first saw that advice, my reaction was something along the lines of "Don't you think I haven't tried that?". Then I really thought about I realize I hadn't. It had been going on for so long that the ingrained "Don't interrupt me while I am on the phone" rule had long since become habit, and I hadn't dared interrupt her conversation. That post woke me up. And looking at it now it is so obvious, and I feel silly for not having tried it before.

Another factor is that I think some people, especially people who didn't use a cell phone until later in life, don't actually trust the phone's microphone to pick up their voice unless they shout. I think it's a subconscious thing of "that doesn't look like a phone receiver--it's tiny--that can't possibly get the job done! My ex's mother did this. She could hear just fine. And she was always loud, but cranked it up about ten more notches when she got a cell phone. If he was in the house and talking to her on the phone, I could hear her side of the conversation from two rooms away.

It is not so much how the cell phone looks, ir is that a cell phone does not amplify your voice back to you and a landline handset does. My generation is used to hearing ourselves amplified, ans we subconsciously expect that. We had to learn not to expect it, just like my parents' generation had to learn that LD connections are just as good as local ones, and you no longer have to shout to be heard.

I've discovered that it's also that the ear piece doesn't transmit the other person's voice as strongly, so you find that THEY sound faint. The natural response is to assume that YOU are faint, and to raise the volume.

In fact, I don't think the MICROPHONE picks up your voice as well with a cell phone.

This has been a problem for about 15 years, so it isn't recent. Before now, I was less affected, as I either had my own apartment, was a reclusive teenager, or was young enough that I had a playroom.

I will try a polite interruption the next time this occurs. When I first saw that advice, my reaction was something along the lines of "Don't you think I haven't tried that?". Then I really thought about I realize I hadn't. It had been going on for so long that the ingrained "Don't interrupt me while I am on the phone" rule had long since become habit, and I hadn't dared interrupt her conversation. That post woke me up. And looking at it now it is so obvious, and I feel silly for not having tried it before.

Thanks,Kay

Don't feel silly! Sometimes when you are actually in the situation, it's harder to see the details.

Slightly OT, many years ago, I used to work for a call-centre (calling businesses, not homes, thank heavens). One of my colleagues was a very nice young man who was half British and half Italian, so he was given phone numbers in the UK and Italy to call. When he spoke English, he was very quietly-spoken and discreet, but as soon as he started in Italian, the volume just went through the roof. Very odd!

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When you look into the photocopier, the photocopier also looks into you

You could always turn up the volume on the TV, though that may come across as passive-aggressive. I don't think that subtle (or not so subtle) hints like staring, leaving the room, etc will work, as you are already doing a version of this (shutting off the TV), and she doesn't seem to be getting the hint.

You could always turn up the volume on the TV, though that may come across as passive-aggressive. I don't think that subtle (or not so subtle) hints like staring, leaving the room, etc will work, as you are already doing a version of this (shutting off the TV), and she doesn't seem to be getting the hint.

I did that once (my parents do the same thing on the phone) and my sister lambasted me for being rude. I would try being straightforward about it first - that was not a fun conversation with my sister