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Tuesday, November 10, 2009

It’s Sunday morning. Holy shit you guys got fucking plastered last night. For some reason there’s a park bench, two street signs and one of those big blue post office mailboxes in your #32 Bro Pad. After making like 10 jokes about how last night was exactly like “The Hangover” and sending out a mass text telling all your bros about the shit you #2 stole, you decide it’s time to get some fucking coffee. After throwing on your Juwan Howard Bullets #34 throwback jersey and some lacrosse shorts, you try round to up your bros. As you walk downstairs to your living room aka a shitload of couches pointed toward the TV, your bros are all talking like pirates.

”What the fuck is wrong with you guys?” you ask.
“Arrghh, we be searching for treasure!”

Then you realize what’s going on here: they broke into the mailbox and are ripping open letters searching for birthday cards from Grandmas with like $10 cash in them. As you are overwhelmed with pride, you make an announcement – “Bros – coffee is on me this morning.”
There’s some new coffee place that just opened up nearby, so you decide to hit it up. You heard it was trendy, but whatever, you’ll just be in and out. Obviously all your bros are still acting like pirates and screaming at all the “wenches” and “pirate hookers” that dare walk on the street as you drive by them. Just to make sure people know they are pirates, they tell all the fat girls you pass that they have to walk the plank since they are making the ship sink. Finally you get to the shop. Normally when bros walk in anywhere, they are greeted by slam pieces trying to eyefuck the shit out of them, but something is different today. For some reason, these people don’t even look hungover. In fact, they all have fucking laptops and if they don’t, they are reading poetry. You overhear someone talking about how much they miss dairy products ever since they decided to go vegan. Normally, you and your bros would start fucking with these #80 losers, but you’ve got a fucking treasure chest at home calling your name, so you just get your coffee. After repeatedly telling the “barista” aka College grad with an English major that you don’t want “fair trade” coffee for just two dollars more, you finally have your shit and are ready to get the fuck out of dodge. That’s when you hear them. Two skinny white dudes in the corner with horned rimmed glasses that you’re pretty sure don’t even have any lenses, tight jeans, and striped sweaters.

“Look at those fucking loser ‘bros,’” one says.
“They’re like straight out of an Onion article!”
“'Look at me, I’m just going to get wasted all the time and talk about how much I can curl' - pathetic.”

That’s it. It’s fucking go time. As you race over to them to get in their face, they quickly pull out their iPhone to see if any of their apps will prevent an attack. As their search fails, they curl up into the fetal position and start to cry. Sure, if you were a Guido, you would proceed to beat the shit out of them, but you’re a bro, therefore one of the smartest people on the planet, so you know you’ve already done your job. Nobody fucks with bros – especially some loser hipster.

Seriously, try walking down the street past a hipster and not wanting to punch him in the face. It’s fucking impossible. Who the fuck are these guys? At what point do you make the decision that you are just so alternative and have to dress that way every day of your fucking life. You know who loves hipsters? Eye doctors. How many fucking hipsters do you think they get a day that just come into to buy frames without lenses? Is that like an awkward conversation at all?

“What’s your lens prescription?”
“Oh no prescription for me today -- I just want people to think I’m a freak.”

Have you ever seen a hipster try to play sports? It’s one of the funniest things you will ever fucking see. Usually they’ll just dribble the ball a couple times looking like that retard kid from those Gatorade commercials that hit like a hundred three-pointers in a row a couple years back, then stop so they can talk about how organized sports is “way too mainstream” for them. At this point they are just fucking begging for someone to flag their tight jeans to reveal their skid-marked tighty whiteys since doing laundry is way too Westernized for their liking.

The absolute worst thing about hipsters is the fact that they think they are better than everyone. This is obviously bullshit because everyone and their fucking mother knows that bros are better than everyone. Hipsters only listen to bands who haven’t been signed to a label because they think they have better taste in music than anyone else, especially people who run record companies. As long as something has “Indie” in the description you better believe hipsters fucking like that shit. The only time a true bro ever uses the word “Indie” is when they are doing impressions of that little Chinese kid from “Temple of Doom.”

So the next time you catch some fucking hipster shoot you a condescending smile and whisper something to his friend, give him the fucking finger. You’re a bro, and years of stuffing that loser into a fucking locker have made him what he is today. Be proud. After all, it’s a bros world – everyone else is just living in it.

148 comments:

Anonymous
said...

good post,

these urban outfitted faggots are the same kids that sat at home in their room listening to some whiny pussy indie bands while the bro's were out demoralizing the slam pieces that those kids could only help to masturbate themselves to sleep over using their tears as lube.

reading this post makes me angry. i cant help but picture one of these whiny faggots right now and i wish there was one in front of me now so i could harass him. these sanuk-wearing pussies should not be allowed to exist among us in our bronation.

post started strong with the pirate thing, which is hilarious and i hope that actually happened, but you forgot that EVERYBODY hates hipsters, not just bros. hipsters hate themselves, naturally, but they also hate other hipsters. ask a hipster if they are a hipster and they will totally say no and probably talk about how hipsters ruined their favorite coffee shop as well. fuck hipsters, but most bros have more important shit to hate, like sunday hours at liquour stores.

You meant to make fun of "fair trade" and not "free trade" in the post. See apparently when an employee makes a deal with an employer to get money it is not always "fair." To be "fair," the consumer has to pay 200% more for something so the employee can feel good about himself. Bro's don't like "fair trade" because Bro's know life isn't fair. How else do you explain a Bro's ability to consume massive amounts of alcohol and get more nog than Santa Claus? Bro's are the shit.

Awesome post. Being a Seattle Bro, I can relate to this post. Every Sunday I can find these douche bags at any local coffee shop....sitting by the fire with their skinny jeans, deep-v neck shirts, chuck taylor shoes, fake glasses,oBRAma button, reading some stupid book, talking about free trade and evil corporations.

hipsters are just bitches who don't have the balls to tell their moms that they don't want to go to piano lessons any more. there is one good thing that english majors can do though, and that's go to fucking law school (off their parent's money because a bro doesn't pay for shit) so they can get fucked up and destroy slampieces for another three years.

There was a dude on my college golf team who used to wear skinny jeans and vintage t-shirts and listen to really obscure music. Mind you, this was 2002 or so, so it might have been before the latest hipster wave. He did however go to a really bro boarding school, and he used to funnel Bourbon and Coke (ice cubes included), break college property (every toilet in the 3rd floor bathroom) and make fun of people for going to public school. So, he had some redeeming qualities. Turns out, he ended up normal, which leads me to think it was just a long, elaborate joke. He now is an investment banker, so I am conflicted

how about how bad those fuckers smell? they should take a shower, buy clothes that fucking fit and lose the lens-less glasses. fucking hipsters. all they do is bitch. they're worse than bras... at least you can get your dick wet with bras.

Don't forget their fucking fixed gear bicycles. Going to Ballard and seeing those fucks on their "fixies" and a "messenger bag" full of 5 macbooks and 12 ipods makes me wanna puke on them. The gay hats and tight pants are bad enough, but they claim PBR to be theirs but everyone knows all cheap beers belong to bros, for bros consume more frat sodas than anyone else.

Anonymous: I hate hipsters more than guidos because at least when you ask a guido "hey, loser, are you a guido?" he will respond in the affirmative.

Being a hipster is not only incredibly lame, it is deeply entangled with a denial of self. We bros, on the other hand, are eminently comfortable with who we are and are happy to shout our core beliefs from the street corners and mountaintops:

1.) Get fucked up on the reg2.) Slam slam pieces 3.) Don't give a shit what other people think

Ask a hipster what his core beliefs are and he will probably start telling you some bullshit about music or art or love or meaning. Sickening. I love being a bro.

I literally still can't stop laughing about the pirate part of the story breaking into the mailbox searching for treasure hahaha. Please tell me this happened at one time..even if it didn't hilarious story. Talk about bro points

some indie is really fucking good and liked by bros and hipsters alike. for example, wilco, my morning jacket, the flaming lips, and a whole slew of electronic artists.

outside of rap, which isnt really music anyway, mainsteam radio and mtv have not produced a single decent artist in more than a decade. if you listen to creed, nickelback, or any of that post-grunge white-trash shit, you sir, are not a bro.

this post is the tits. i fuckin hate hipster fags. my bro saw some fucking hipster walkin with his coffee, cigarette in his ear, using a goddamn skateboard as a tray for his food. he had a look on like he was so fucking smart, fuck hispters.

I agree that some indie music is tolerable aka TOM WAITS. But pretty much all 70's rock was mainstream and I love that shit. So fuck hipsters and if any of u come into my friends club is ground and pound time MMA style. BROS keep on keepin on

Everyone rags on Urban Outfitters, but I've got a BROne to pick with another gay ass hipster institution. American Apparrel. Whats with that fucking name? It sells nothing but gay, organic, fair trade cotton Hipster clothing--pretty G-d Damn un-American if you ask me.

SO Hipster Scum--Quit naming your gay ass socialist style stores after the America--the greatest BRO loving nation on earth--or we Bros are going to round you all up at your coffee shops, apple stores, independent used book and record stores, obscure music venues, organic bakeries, vintage clothing shops, and women's lit departments and ship you to western europe where you belong.

I hate hipsters and their not too distant cousin in the kids who were in the High school band or college marching band. Seriously, every time I see one of these kids it takes all the strength in my body not to punch them in their face and surprisingly enough, despite my massive bro strength, sometimes I still just cave and deck the losers. Band kids are just hippies with instruments and that is why I boo my own college's band whenever they take the field and anyone in the stand who disagrees with me doing so is just a straight bra.

I just thought about hipsters and threw up. Now I hate hipsters even more. I would say hipsters smell like puke but no hipster smells like natty light and vodka. A hipster once told me that they don't shower because they like having greasy hair. I kid you not bros. Great post, NYB.

It was a Tuesday morning, so naturally we were fucked up and amped to ditch class for a Hooters run. Bros fuckin love Hooters. Slam pieces, brew, and fuckin good wings. Me and a couple bros hop in my car and of course I fuckin sped like a demon there. Then this "bro" (self acclaimed PNasty) says some environmentalist shit as I'm about to throw shit out the window. He's in a goddamn environmental science class this year and he's become soft as my dick at a lame party.

Anyway we get to Hooters and are checking out the slam pieces and the beer when we remember it's bottomless wing Tuesday. Bros live for wings. Any bro who can eat a shit ton of wings with the hottest sauce instantly earns cred, boosted by how fucking wasted you are. The hooters girl takes our orders, and this PNasty says he'll stick with water and nothing to eat. The fuckers trying to save money. The rest of us say fuck it we wouldn't let that get us down. Our food comes, then PNasty grabs a plate and takes a goddamn sandwich out of his jacket. A sandwich made by the ultimate bro-hater: his mom. A fucking sandwich from his mom at a Hooters.

We eat a little bit after giving him shit, then the manager comes out. He tells PNasty he can't eat that in here. Worst: the manager was a dude. The day a fucking dude comes to my table instead of a slam piece with huge-ass knockers is the day I've had enough. PNasty can no longer be a bro. He claims he was saving money and just came for the tits. The tits we were fucking paying to see. Nobody likes a mooch, especially not someone who mooches slam pieces. He says he saves his money for beer, but everyone knows real bros steal that shit, double-fisting 30-racks from a Safeway.

This fucking PNasty claims we are not bros for being pissed. I know there's no better way to convince them than with the bros and Nedsyoungerbrother. Help me get rid of this fucking bro-hater.

yo when you guys live in New Jersey then you can tell me about how much you hate hipsters (or guidos). every emo band ever started in New Jersey, and their fanboys drone around each other talking about guitarists of worthless underground music acts whose 'show' they're going to next week in some crappy basement. the worst part is they're friends with girls. i'm not exaggerating; hipsters hang out with girls and invite them to do things with them and don't even consider smashing out

Don't worry bros, we hate you too! Have fun with your stds and liver failure! And whoever said that mainstream music is really popular because it is really good...you're just a sad, pathetic individual. Enjoy your Miley Cyrus, Black Eyed Peas, Dave Matthews Band, and whatever shitty music you bros listen to.

Okay thanks for the advice HenrI. Too bad whatever you said is immediately discredited because of the fucking retarded way you spelled your name you hipster faggot. That is the type of shit people hate you for, you change the spelling of your name to seem more "cool" or "unique" or whatever it is you strive to be.

And if that is the actual spelling of your name it's even worse because it means your parents are hipsters as well, making you a second-generation loser.

Henri, you are most likely beating off to anime porn after getting back from your non conformist community college classes. You are lucky no bros go to community college, as only poor people do, because you would get destroyed.

As an NYU bro here trying to hold down the fort amongst a sea of hipsters, this post really hits home. It's almost every day when I'm walking to Chipotle when one of these emaciated fucks almost hits me with their bicycles. "HEY LANCE! GO BACK TO FUCKING BROOKLYN AND ENJOY YOUR 15TH FLOOR WALKUP"(which really is more like a walk-in closet at any bro pad). And try walking anywhere on Broadway within a one mile radius of American Apparel--shit's sickening. I don't even know where to to go with this. NYC needs help fellow bros. We're being overrun by hipsters

Even if your name is henri, you are still a dickless retard. At least us bros can keep ourselves alive because of our massive fortunes, all while banging the hot slam pieces we hire to take care of us.

You on the other hand are probably gonna be crushed when you hear how not clever and funny your "ironic" bullshit is or whatever you call it.

'Henri' is the French spelling of 'Henry', you uncultured baboons! How many of you bros actually know a language other than English? And all this hipster-bashing is quite ironic, considering that NYB copied the hipster blog "Stuff White People Like" when he made this site.

Wow Henri you are such a badass because you can go to an online site and act like a rebel to a bunch of bros. Seriously, why don't you actually try to stand up to a bro like a man and not the puss that you are. You would get your shit rocked. Are you seriously going to justify your faggot name by saying that it is French? This is America. If you want to have a gay French name, go back to France so that you are not alone in losing battles and being open about your gay sexuality. And seriously, if you are going to try to insult a bro, find something better than "uncultured baboons." I bet you are the type of person who cultures yourself by jacking off to fucking pieces of art in galleries. It is quite clear that you are someone who has been made a little bitch by the superior bros all of his life.

And also good job on misspelling your name on the first comment you dumb bitch.

Fucking justin Bieber might fucking be going to my good danm private prep school. Thank god i'll have graduated by then but he is going to get his ass beat down on a regular schedule until he changes his fucking act.

I'm literally dumbfounded as to how they do fit in those jeans. It's like they're painted on.

What does a hipster think when he wakes up and gets dressed? Or maybe he just wakes up and is already dressed like that? I'm pretty sure he must think, "Hey, how can I look as pathetic as possible to people who would never accept me in their group. What is the exact opposite of society and the most uncomfortable shit I can where. Oh, and I need to make sure I look super gay. Even though I'm not. Maybe."

Hey Thierry Henry (that's right even the French spell it with a 'Y', champ), why don't you suck my left nut? If you think Dave isn't great you have never seen him live, probably because you don't have any friends to go with. This bro speaks three languages and is currently holding it down for all the SEC bros in Paris, at the Sorbonne, but of course you probably don't know what that is because you've never been more than 10 miles from greenwich village. The best advice I can give you is to immediately go to warrior's website and buy a spoon, go to the nearest supermarket and pick up a 30 of fratty light (NOT a Whole Foods), and read God and Man at Yale. And if you don't know what those directions mean, you really should never come back to this site.

I would consider myself a hipster. I wear skinny jeans, thrift store button ups, and leather shoes. And you know what my favorite thing in the world is? Beating the fuck out of bros in sports when the think I'm a "faggot" who dribbles like a "retard"...seriously, those moments are too wonderful.

Being a true bro I could write a fucking Brobible about how worthless hipsters are but being an art major (trust me bros, most every bro thinks my shit is fuckin brotastic) I have to be surrounded by these emotional, pussies all day long. I got some serious bro stories to tell about shit that happens to a bro in art school.

bros good story, a few weeks ago on veterans day there were a bunch of hipsters marching around campus on veterans day with a bunch of antiwar signs...i proceeded to take their megaphone and tell them that they are all fucking pussies...they looked defeated

I'm gonnna have to disagree on the Urban Outfitter part. UO has some real tight shit, and some nice ass shirts.Hipsters are huge homos though. All they fucking do is go vegan and talk about the environment. Shut the fuck up hipster no one wants to hear you talk about that bullshit.

spending money on clothes is for fags, or hipsters and urban outfitters is way to much fucking bank,save that shit for party supplies. Real bros dont need clothes to prove their bro-ness , real bros dont even need clothes

I saw one of these "people" while getting coffee today. I stared the grungy, skinny-jean and thick rimmed glasses-wearing guy down. i expected a conflict, but the SOB just put his head down and walked away. at least he knows his place. Bros are the shit.-the great bambinbro

Thank god I stumbled upon this embarrassing website. I too, am a hipster, and popping jock behemoth monkeys in the face is my favorite hobby. You think you're so tough but I will laugh and spit in yr face as you cry in the corner. The verbal vomit you spew is worthless. I bet yr all date-raping homphobes too fat to fit in my size 28 skinny jeans.

Hey, no one asked you hipsters to read this site. If you're claiming to be a hipster wouldn't it be uncool of you to do so?

I tried to hang out with a group of them but every opinion one of them would state automatically contradicted another they had previously mentioned.

Most (not all, mind you) don't take the time to fully learn about the crap they try to defend. If someone calls them out on it, especially if it's one of their hipster friends, they will pretend they only claimed to like it/believe in it as a joke, or deny they even had an opinion about it at all.

I'm a musician so trust me, I have to run into them often. Oh, I'm also a chick.

The reason why they try to befriend us first is because they lack self-confidence and assume we won't want to get in their pants (which we won't). The only chicks that will give them the time of day are tweens, groupie skanks, and girls with no self-esteem.

Thing that pisses me off most about them ass cannonsis the fact they took away my fvorite whit trash beer PBR. They do this to associate themselves with "the working man" as they bitch after working 3 hours ata gas station. I've been drinking that swill(and it is) sinse I was in HS. Graduated in 91 so that is well before those assholes decided to fuck it up. I am a working man. Dangerous job in a Union the whole bit. The same shit these little fags talk shit about. They also stole the Buddy Holly glasses from us greeser/motor heads. Cool if you guys still don't like em. Just know that not all nerd lookin glasses are pussies. I dig fightin'. I have 3 MMA amature wins/0 losses. Not a tough guy but not about to let these assholes steal my identity. FUCK HIPSTERS!!!!

If you hipsters are so smart, then why do I never see any of you working at banks, law firms, and other places where smart people work? Yeah, that's right d-bag, those places are fucking packed with bros. And I'm pretty sure you don't make any money or get any pussy working at an old record store in Greenwich Village.

Bros like to feel good, which is why we bang slampieces, and double-fist beers all night in the first place. Hipsters enjoy being miserable faggots, which is the only possible reason i can think for wearing skinny jeans (you can't tell me they're comfortable). Bros are the shit. If you're not a bro, stay away from this site.

I contend that there is a bridge between hipsters and bros, and I consider myself one of these lucky few. Here's my bio, you make the choice, hipster or bro?

-Majoring in jazz studies-Was backup varsity quarterback in high school before choosing jazz band over sports-Like drinking more than weed, but don't do much of either-Wear skinny jeans and urban outfitters, but own 12 football jerseys-No facial hair besides sideburns-Get a slam piece in the bed about once a month-Find this site hilarious, but right after logging off, I'll be picking up Jack Kerouac's On the Road

Bros are friends with me, hipsters are friends with me, girls think I'm cute. You make the call.

great attempt by the hipsters to take over the comments. anonymous hipster: is "popping" the new word for hipster-style bitch slapping? also, congrats on the size 28 tight jeans. us red meat eating, weight lifting bros are naturally larger than you and your fellow vegan hipsters. we will stick to buying our normal-sized clothes from brooks brothers.

I feel the hatred of the hipsters. Those whiny bastards stole my style (well, except for the tight pants. They did that stupid shit on their own). I like to wear a classy suit and matching hat, usually a fedora or bowler (think Humphrey Bogart or Kevin Costner in The Untouchables). There's just no feeling like walking into any bar and knowing you're the best dressed motherfucker there. Unfortunately, because of this hipster fad I am now often accused of being one. I could change the way I dress, but why should I? They're the ones who suck. Secondly, my prowess on an athletic field clearly differentiates me from them.

my fucking roomate is a hipster and let me tell ya, its fucking hell. fucking hard to bring slam pieces back to your room when you have this faggot immediately starting a conversation about the jfk murder conspiracy when we get in the room? i dont care how low her self esteem is, shes dipping after this duster is noticed. the first day i moved in he starts asking me about my stance on abortion....are you fucking kidding me? obviously for em, and he should fucking know it. feel fucking lucky you dont live with a hipster, fucking hell.although being a bro, my man juice legendary, so i did him a favor and put some of that in his shampoo

The only reason a bro goes into a hipster den like a coffee place is for one reason: Slam pieces. Hipster slam pieces are all right as long as they keep their mouths shut and don't talk about saving the rain forest, fair trade coffee and thinking of the fucking children.

Hipsters, you accuse the bro set of being uncultured and asinine. I'm an English major, love Kerouac, but love Mailer as well (an author that was about boozing and women, amongst other things). I was also All-State for lax. I enjoy the occasional Flaming Lips song, but love the Friday Biggie dance sesh with the girlies at the frat, I repeat, frat, followed by the pounding. I speak Spanish and Swedish, so the faggot Henri (you were probably twirling your egregious mustache while making shitty generalizations about the mental capabilities of bros), go fuck yourself . If intelligence is defined by the effort a person puts into being ironic (and consequently poisoning the pleasure of irony), thenI guess you miserable fucks win. PBR showers will ensue, I'm sure.

I'll take any of you douches in a test of intelligence. I'll throw down with any of you (the kid who likes to make "bros cry on the corners," stop lying to the people. A social group that specializes in muscle-atrophy cannot make any one cry.). Every day I confront you assholes at book stores, in class, at the bar and it kills me.

NYB, keep fighting the good fight. Bros, individually we may have differences, but a more awful enemy has emerged. Fuck hipsters and bros unite.

@Swede has a very good point. I, like several other Bros, am of well-above-average intelligence and academic/professional achievement, all while being a bro (3 sport varsity in HS, played club in college, slams girls several times a week, Wall Street job, etc).

There are (maybe 5%, absolute max) some "hipsters" that I don't particularly want to beat the fuck out of, however, any redeeming qualities exhibited by this vast minority are fantastically overridden by the sheer douchebaggery of the majority.

To thine own self be true, hipsters. Yea, don't fucking tell me you are, no one in their right mind would wear jeans that choke your balls while standing, and put them in a vice-grip when sitting. No man would be friends with girls (he didn't used to get with but is now ok with/screws her friends).

Seriously, you can be intellectual (I write for a Globablly relevant politics/business/policy magazine on the side), like good food/music/coffee/movies/art/literature/etc without being a freakshow.

Do yourselves a favor, go to a decent men's formal store, buy yourselves a Boss (or if you wanna be semi hipsterish, Tom Ford) suit, get it custom tailored. Get a good pair of shoes, go to Trumans or John Allens and get a haircut and a shave.

I guarantee you'll feel good, because you look good, in the timeless sense that just gives and exudes confidence. You are not, contrary to delusional hipster beliefs, giving in to the man (whatever the fuck that means), you're treating yourself well.

Oh, and hitting the gym once or twice a week wouldn't hurt. Most hot girls are not down with guys who can't out bench press them (fyi that bar is set really low); if you're a man over the age of 16 and can't get 135lbs off the rack, you need to hit the gym, hard. You don't need to be a meathead, not nearly, but when your chest/arms/etc are anorexic-skinny, its pretty hard to get hunnies.

Just some friendly help from a smart, cultured bro (we exist, despite whatever delusional bs you semi-fags tell yourselves).

"Everyone rags on Urban Outfitters, but I've got a BROne to pick with another gay ass hipster institution. American Apparrel. Whats with that fucking name? It sells nothing but gay, organic, fair trade cotton Hipster clothing--pretty G-d Damn un-American if you ask me."

The reason it is called "American Apparel" Because the Clothes are made In America. That is way it is more Expensive than other stores, since the workers are getting paid a more fair wage. So in theory "American Apparel" is better than you might think, considering that it employs Americans.

I hate to break it to you but you are 100% not a bro. In fact, you became a true bro hater as soon as you chose jazz over sports. Also, everyone knows bros are not backups on any field... sorry to break this to you but you are a full fledged hipster, and in denial.

I was walking down the sidewalk and noticed this hipster walking in my direction with his head down. He clearly didn't see me coming so instead of moving I let him get a few inches from me and when he finally noticed me there he tried to do a spin move and fell on his face. Everyone knows that only bros can hold our heads up when we walk.

Me and my Brojam got kicked out of a hipster bar last week. We went their to meet up with some slam pieces that wanted to see some shitty local band live. We had our usual attire of boots, jeans, oxford shirts, northface jackets, and mossy oak hats. The bartender immediately scoffed at our request for a pitcher of bud saying "We only serve Pabst products here". They kicked us out when my bro was waving around a $100 bill demanding shots and calling everyone poor and faggots. Let's see what happens when they try to drink on our turf.

I go to school with this faggot hipster, every single one of my bro's hates him. Anyway my bro Ryan fucked his girlfriend. The hipster thought he would be "hard" and throw eggs at my bro's car. Thats where he went wrong he didn't realize he was fucking with bro's. The next night we shot the shit of his and his room mates cars with a paintball gun, and pissed on the doorhandles. Faggot never did anything and my bro kept fucking the girl. LOVE BROS

Have you ever seen hipsters dance at a show/concert? It's up there with some of the most unnerving things I've come to witness in my life. I was at a punk rock show where the bands were rocking their shit out hardcore while the hipsters showed off their newly developed dancing technique that requires absolutely no movement of their atrophied muscles. I believe most bros would refer to it as STANDING. That's right, they don't move. I've heard rumors of them doing this, but you really can't appreciate the great new levels of awkwardness they've achieved until you witness a spectacle like this for yourself. I'm not sure if hipsters strive each day to become more awkward than the rest, but if they do, then kudos to them! They've set that awkward bar high. Anyways, after scanning the scene and not finding any decent slam pieces worthy of our sexual prowess, me and my bros decided we should just fuck with this hipster scum. We started tackling any hipsters that dared wander into our general vicinity, and when they stood back up we punched them into submission. Needless to say, a decent mosh pit broke out and the punk rock show was saved by a couple of BROS. The best part is that when everything died down, the hipsters were too afraid to stand near us anymore so we had a nice, open circle to rock out in right by the stage, front and center and free of awkward hipster fags!

If you could read English I said in my first sentence that I don't consider myself a bro, so great job pointing out a fact I already stated. I'm just a dude who likes a good time, and I really think whether two dudes wear American Eagle or American Apparel, as long as they like girls and beer, they can be friends.

So this hipster kid is at this bar. A bro sees him and gets really pissed him off, because this kid looks like such a fag and shouldn't be in this bro's favorite place to pound fratty light. He decides he's gonna set the record straight, walks up to the hipster and tells him, "Hey fag, you might want to go home and change if you expect to get any pussy in my bar, you look like a straight homo." The hipster looks at him, smiles, and responds, "thanks for the advice, bro."So later in the night to bro sees a total slampiece, some really hot girl with great tits. He walks up to her, knowing that he's gonna cop some dome, and starts spitting his usual game. The girl is all giggly and shit, so the bro's like "i got this in the bag."Then all of a sudden somebody grabs this chick from behind spins her around, and totally starts hooking up with her. Turns out it's the hipster. He says to the bro, "better luck next time, dude. maybe if you didn't dress like such a tool, huh?" and walks away and the bro doesn't say a word. Guess which guy I am in this story.

You guys are judging a book by its cover. I dress like a hipster because I like hipster slam. I drink and break shit just as much as anyone of you. I don't listen to obscure music and I play sports. I don't drink coffee at Starbucks because if I am paying $5 for a drink it better have alcohol in it. I work for a massive corporation and I watch UFC religiously. I don't like being labeled as a hipster but I like hipster girls. What can I say, I am still a bro at heart.

I would almost consider hipster boys and bros to be opposites on two important values: self-confidence, and treatment of girls and others.Hipster boys respect girls but aren't comfortable with themselves, while bros don't respect girls (in the least, apparently) while being almost completely self-absorbed. Neither of these two opposites are loved by many girls besides, respectively, "bras" and hipster girls. There's a lot of girls in between. Build a good amount of self-confidence BUT also build some respect for others and women and you'll be looking at a man in the mirror that get a LOT more girls. And they probably won't be downright retarded or full of shit. This doesn't mean in the least that you need to be a pushover. Just show some respect. Just saying. Take it from a woman who's dumped/avoided bros and hipsters alike for these recurring themes.

Melissa, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Difference between hipsters and bros, broda:Hipsters- too cool to get fucked up, spend way too much money to look cheapBros- Down to get fucked up and pound hosChoose one.And next time you find yourself at a party around hipsters, realize that1. no one else will be pounding beers. Enjoy.

2. half the guys are gay, and the other half have no game. There will be women, possibly bisexual. Enjoy.

You "bros" are claiming that hipster hate the world and everyone in it, but then you go and critisize and slander them yourselves. Hypocrites. You are just as bad as the people you are imagining when you're preaching how great bros are. You're a bunch of ignorant hypocrites who prefer to hate on people who are different than accept them for who they are. Because of people like you, there is still a shitload of hatred and disrespect in the world. You should be ashamed.

Knibb High,fuckin solid use of the billy madison quote...one of the broest movies of all time.

To the hipsters...what the fuck is wrong with you? why are you just so fucking hip? I go to a small liberal arts school riddled with hipsters and it makes me want to jump off a bridge. Get a fucking clue. There's a reason there's a certain way the majority of people act/dress/etc. I guess the rest of society will never know what's going through their minds because we are all just too narrow minded and uncultured to see the purpose of faggot glasses with no lenses and v-necks with corduroy skinny khakis

I am a girl, and sometimes guys that dress trendy turn me on, but let me tell you right now, NYB, that you have made my god damn morning with this website. I fucking love you and I have a new-found respect for bros.

Also NYB, what about emo/scene kids? Those kids piss me off much worse than hipsters. Every time I see an emo kid slit his wrists horizontally and then take pictures of it and post them on myspace with Dashboard Confessional lyrics underneath them, I lose a little faith in humanity.

"There was a dude on my college golf team who used to wear skinny jeans and vintage t-shirts and listen to really obscure music. Mind you, this was 2002 or so, so it might have been before the latest hipster wave. He did however go to a really bro boarding school, and he used to funnel Bourbon and Coke (ice cubes included), break college property (every toilet in the 3rd floor bathroom) and make fun of people for going to public school. So, he had some redeeming qualities. Turns out, he ended up normal, which leads me to think it was just a long, elaborate joke. He now is an investment banker, so I am conflicted"

I'm a girl, & I guess apparently the "bros" in my college town find me hot.

So please take note... the ambiguous ones are the most interesting. The ones who are cultured & alpha males like yourself.

Strangely I'm turned on by this site despite the derogatory things you say about women. You all obviously love to hate us. Something about chauvinist is so sexy *swooon*

Hipsters piss the fucking shit out of me and I want to just stick my fucking lacrosse stick up their kilts and into their fucking asses but the one thing I do like is skinny jeans because they show off my fucking ripped legs and my huge bulge. I hate all hipsters though and the closest I would ever get to one is tight pants.

dude I hate hipsters so much. i live in New York so i see some pretty shitfaced people out there but i saw this one hipster guy, lenseless wayfarers, striped sweashirt, but the best fucking part. he was wearing a kilt. no joke a fucking kilt letting the whole world see his disgusting robin williams legs and his lack of a cock. the only thing i would ever do like a hipster is skinny jeans because they show off my ripped legs to slampieces and they show off my huge bulge.

Equally bad as or worse than hipsters: hippies. Fucking hippies that live across the street keep trying to come over and hang out every time they see my and my crew outside. Jesus CHRIST, could these assholes try any harder? No one fucking takes you seriously...

This thread, actually this whole site, cracks me up. Originally I thought it was a joke, then I realized all of you "bros"are serious. If your such hot shot bros like you all claim, why are you sitting on your computer posting on some blog? Shouldnt you be partying? Drunk driving? Smashing Slam pieces? Playing sports? Lifting? listening to terrible music? Lets see if you gets you "bros" worked up... I like art, indie/ emo rock, coffee, wear glasses, shop at urban outfitters, ride a road bike, wear vans slip ons and semi skinny jeans. But guess what, I get pussy, and it isnt littered with stds like your slam pieces. I hope all of you "bros" die from drunk driving, a drunk driver, alcohol poisoning, aids, or anything else that can take you off of this planet before you reproduce with one of these skanks that is willing to have sex with your dumb ass. Please stop wear your jordan flip flops with high socks, stupid basketball shorts, cut off t shirts, head bands, and other horrible looking clothes. You look like a fucking moron with no style at all. You have no individuality at all. You claim hipsters are pathetic, but really you "bros" are the worst little group of them all.

"As you race over to them to get in their face, they quickly pull out their iPhone to see if any of their apps will prevent an attack."

Ahahahahaha. Coffee shops with their tight jeans and head phones, like their about to go on some fucking douche bag camping trip where they bring their blow driers and precooked steaks and hot dogs their depressed and ashamed dads made so they wouldn't starve, though dad secretly wishes they would. "Can I get a peanut butter & jelly sandwich with the crust cut off?"These pussies go to Europe and make us look like Canada.

A hipster is the same kid from little league who coach stuck in right field and played two innings a game because he could throw the ball 10 feet and stood 3 feet away from the plate and never swung and would cry every time he got hit by the ball

I am a girl and GUESS WHAT! Most normal girls don't find either of you types of guys - bros or hipsters - attractive. While I do appreciate both the hipster culture and the bro culture (solely for their hilarity... I mean, you can't expect anyone to take you guys seriously, right?) Bros are obnoxious, conservative, stuck-up, WASPy womanizers who love talking about how much money they have. Hipsters on the other hand aren't necessarily whiny (you're confusing them with emo kids, and that phase has mostly dissolved by now), but can be, and the sight of them in jeans tighter than my own is repulsive. Lack of athletic ability is generally a big turn-off. If I could beat up a guy in a fight then I'm sure as hell not gonna sleep with him. If you're about to guess that I prefer guidos, well you're still wrong because that's disgusting and we have national television shows to back up what a joke those guys are. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that girls don't like guys who adhere rigidly to pathetic stereotypes. Just be yourself - not the president of your frat or that guy whose stupid fucking indie record you just bought.

So what is the bros opinion on the new brosters phenomenon of guys who act like bros but are trying to dress like hipsters and listen to hip music, and don't get to cocky bros last summer two bros in my town tried picking a fight with a couple hipsters and ended up in the hospital...

i hate bro's and hipsters. both are sub-human devolutions and the only solution is to wipe them from the face of the earth. Seriously, if one more fucking person asks me about arcade fire or which frat im rushing i think im going to lose it and go postal on a frathouse or espresso bar.

i'm in this program at my school that lets me sign myself out of classes and the math class is an automatic A, so it's sick. but the downside is, i'd say 85% of the kids are hipsters. I don't mind them being there, I just don't really feel like being associated with them u feel me? I don't want some fag playing regina spektor when im trying to lay all the dimes in my english class

I slam pieces, drink PBR, and listen to death metal so I don't really give a fuck. This sight is fucking hilarious. I've met a lot of dumbass hipsters and smart bro's and indie loving metalheads. No reason someone can't enjoy a wide variety of things. This bro vs hipster war is the funniest damn thing I've seen in a while.

The post that suggested that hipsters don't slam beer at parties is hilarious. I don't claim any set but I've spent a lot of nights partying with art majors and environmental activists, and it was weed, beer, liquor, loud rap music and errrrbody hooking up, until about 8 am when shit started to wind down. Just nobody was eating meat or cheese and a lot of the haircuts were asymmetrical.

Hipsters are people who were nerds in high school and think they can become cool as adults by re-labeling themselves. This is, of course, pathetic wishful thinking. Just as being a Bro is something you're born into for life, these dorks were, are, and always will be at the absolute bottom of the social food chain, no matter how pretentious or "cool" they try to act. It's our job as Bros to remind them of this.

I had an opportunity to perform such a public service my first year of college. I was at a party on a fraturday crushing some Nattys with my bros when I overheard the nasally drone of some hipster douchebag explaining his love of indie bands and exotic South American teas to a chick a few feet away from us (she was only a nickle-piece, nothing special).

The voice sounded awfully familiar, and when I looked at him, It hit me like a ton of bricks: This hipster went to my high school. His name was Danny Benton, and was the scrawniest, nerdiest, chess-playing, four-eyed, dateless loser in our entire class. I had given this dork so much shit during high school that some of the teachers were worried he was gonna go Columbine on me. I never took this seriously because this pussy wouldn't have the courage to even walk into a gun store, let alone shoot anything.

Apparently this poindexter saw going away to college as a chance to re-invent himself as a snobby "cultured guy", to escape his previous existence of receiving wedgies in the locker room and jerking off to pictures of hot girls in the school yearbook on Friday nights.

After listening to about 30 more seconds of his mouth diarrhea (some horseshit about yoga being a better workout than weight training), I had to intervene.

I turned around, summoned my best Ogre voice, screamed out "NEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRDDDDDDD!!!!!", and watched the horror on his face as he recognized me and his days as a loser came crashing back down to haunt him. I smacked his beer out of his hand, put him in a headlock, and slammed the rest of my Natty while my bros and the slampiece he was talking to laughed their asses off.

He ran out of the house crying and I never saw him at a party again for the rest of college. When I saw him on campus, he had ditched his stupid hipster getup (ironic t-shirt, scarf, and black glasses) and returned to his nerdy windbreaker and coke bottle glasses from high school. The correct social order had been restored.

Was this cruel of me? First of all, the fact that you even asked that question means you are not a Bro and need to get the fuck off this site. Second, I'm a Bro and I don't give a fuck about making losers feel bad. And third, no, it fucking wasn't cruel.

I was doing this kid a favor. He has no business living the lie that he knows shit about music, can pull tail, party, or be cool. He's a dork and always will be. He needed to stop wasting his time on hipster bullshit and focus on studying so that he can become an engineer, go to work for Coors, and perfect the next advance in beer can cooling technology for the benefit of Bros everywhere. That's his station in life. I was just helping him be true to himself.

Bros - it is your Bro duty to help put an end to this pathetic nerd uprising of hipsterdom by publicly humiliating every hipster you see. We need to remind them that they are losers, and always will be, no matter how many obscure albums and ironic t-shirts they buy.

1) I have a higher IQ than you.2) I have taste and realize why Pavement is about 50,000 times better than Dave Matthews.3) I think spending a lot of money on clothes is, as your slope-headed neanderthal self might say, really gay.4) I'd rather not go to a bar that charges $5 a head to get in where you drink piss beer in plastic cups and can get crabs peeing in a urinal.

And on top of it:1) I know more about sports than any of you.2) And that means real sports, which does not include playing in a boat or throwing a ball around with a toy stick.3) When I was in my prime, I could drink more in one hour than you pussies could in a week.4) I broke more people's shit in one hour than you white-hat wearing closet cases did in an entire four years of college that month I was straightedge.4) I know more about economics and finance than any of you dumb fucks.

Do you know what one of the funniest bro things is? When the "sensitive" bro takes an acoustic guitar out and sings John Meyer.

Seriously, brosef -- I might not wear tucked in golf shirts, but I'm better than you.

you could say im a hipster. love indie, and alternative music but fuck me that post was funny as hell. That perfectly describes faggets who want to be indie. Im not gona make fun of bros for there life style cause mine real similar like. im always fucked up mainly weed an shit load of alc. but i realy like coke. Also those faggs with fake glasses are gay as hell, but im all for skinny jeans and a striped shirt. my point is not all of us are broke back bitches and this was a funny post.thumbs up man

oh yea an i forgot. fuck spending alot of money on cloths. what money? u mean the weed i had, nah i spend proly 50 max on a full outfit. thats shirt pants and sox cus i sure as hell didnt buy these vans.

lol first line of this post is mint, when my bro bought his new house i spear headed the theft of 2 benches from an old folks home in 2 consecutive weekends. best part was a few days after when my bro told me he drove by and saw 4 old people crammed onto one bench. fucking gold.

This article disgusts me. I haven't heard of bigotry like this since the 19 fucking 30's. Who the fuck do "bros" think they are? Just because they can get a "slam piece" girl better than I can doesn't make them any better, it just makes them sick and disgusting for labeling these human beings with a word better fit for meat. It's not a bro's world. Bros will just end up with a beer belly sitting on their mom's couch at age 30, watching football clips for 5 seasons ago. I'll have a life, they won't.

Don't get me wrong - hipsters are fucking scum, but if I see some stereotypical douchebags or cookie-cutter frat boys, I'll make fun of them amongst me friends. If that prompts one to get into my face, I'll stare him down til he backs off or takes a swing. If the latter happens, I'll promptly kick his ass because I'm not a hungover douche who's threatened by a stranger's opinion of him. Honestly, bros shouldn't lose their chill that easy.

Hipsters have no musical taste. They start to fuckin love a "nu-indie" youtube vid and start doing some sort of dance that causes paramedics nearby to think someone went into an epileptic seizure. But as soon as the video views hit 1000 views they totally fucking crucify the song and criticize it for being too fucking mainstream. Its like teen angst for nerds. God whenever I see a dude with his goddamn tiny hoodie, paper-thin tighter-than-bdsm-plastic-clothes jeans, doin "the seizure",having thier overpriced headphones blaring cacophonous shit: i will ask him to stop, if he refuses, almighty God and almighty bros help me, I will rip out the nearest stop sign and shove it so far up his ass that he will shit out the letter "P" in two months time.

This pansy ass, mo fo hipster has thrown two no-hitters, has played and started on an AAU team with Mr. Basketball (in fuckin Bloomington, Indiana), and could tear your fuckin tricep out with a ballpoint pen. I love tits and beer, and popmusic. The kicker is that I'm not an anti-environmentalist, spoiled, misogynist, homophobic, entitled, irreformable bastard. You can find me working at the public library, wearin my tightish black levi's, listenin to indie music, with my racing road bike locked up outside.

There are only two types of people in this world; those that have perfect bro bodies and those that crave them sexually. When an imperfect male such the guido first sees a bro, they become BROver awed by the perfect male body that bros have to the point that guidos start sexually craving them. Guidos lift weights and pump steroids hoping to build a male body that they think a bro could possibly like ignoring the fact that bros never like male bodies sexually back. Guidos refuse to accept this fact so they keep tons of gel in their hair that they can quickly run their fingers and stick up their butts hoping to be the first to capture a gay urge out of a bro for just a second. This is how the guido prepares himself to catch! When the reality that bros can never like men sexually finally hits a guido, guidos get BROverwhelmed to the point of desperation and start attention whoring by dying their skin orange for the same reason fat, skanky, ugly bras dye their hair pink or purple.

Another type of imperfect male that craves the bro body sexually is the lazy tranny! They go by various names such as hippie, rocker, metal head, grunger, goth, emo, scene, hipster, and many more. The lazy tranny has a little more sense than the guido since they realize that bros are only sexually attracted to the female body. Lazy trannies are under the delusion that wearing their sisters’ tightest jeans and black makeup and black nail polish will make them competitive with bras for the sexual attention of bros. Lazy trannies won’t even make the effort diligent trannies do to make themselves attractive to men such removing all facial and body hair except scalp but partially removing eyebrows to a sexier shape, taking female hormones, getting breast implants, facial and sex change surgery let alone what bras do to try to get the sexual attention of bros. When lazy trannies get rejected by bros, they turn to affirmative action like bullshit arguments as to why it is only fair that bros ass slam them to. When that doesn’t work, they get more bitter than Hillary Clinton and make futile attempts to act worthy by pretending to be too good for bros. Just because half of the lazy trannies look more like a bra than Hillary does doesn’t mean bros want to ass slam them. As far as slamming diligent trannies go, even the most diligent tranny can never look like a bra except on television with lots of porn movie camera tricks so the stupid questions about slamming them are mute.

They are several other types of imperfect males that also sexually crave the bro body but I am limiting this post to the two most common types. So my fellow bros, when you see a guido, lazy tranny, or any other type of homosexual/imperfect male on campus or elsewhere, remember one thing, our bodies created this condition in them. This is natural. It is only mental illness when imperfect males expect bros to be sexually attracted back.

You guys are so lame. Anyone who calls themselves a bro is not a bro. Real bros are no doubt called bros by other people but they don't openly embrace that label (NYB is clearly posting with a hint of irony) . Anyone who openly embraces that label is a poser. And god these comments are stupid. how fucking immature are you guys? 90% of these comments look like something a high school kid would post. On both ends. Maybe its because real bros, don't waste their time posting on some stupid website.

So I get to the gym and immediately notice that some hipster is dicking around on my bench press, a major bro-no. Without a second thought, I steal his gym bag right in front of him (though it was more like a gym-purse) for even imagining that it was okay to be there in the first place. I throw the gym bag into a toilet that some chill bro had clearly just destroy...ed, to let him know that this is no-joke. I then grabbed his hair spray that he uses to construct his fohawk hair-style, sprayed enough to tear a hole in the ozone, and then made him take a deep breath.

He then began to cry. Being the cunning bro that I am, I offered a false apology (hipsters are easily swayed by emotional appeal), and told him that I would pay for his plane ticket to Paris, where the latest "Indie" music festival was being held. Being too excited about traveling to Paris where he would see the latest hipster fashions in person, he didn't realize what a mistake he was making when he agreed. I purchased his ticket, and then called the airport TSA to tip them off that a terrorist wearing thick-rimmed dark glasses was on his way to the airport about to board the Paris flight. According to the tracker I placed on his Starbucks Frappucino, he is now in Guantanamo Bay. It's a bro's world, everybody else is just living in it.

NICE, I'm a punk rocker/metal head who can't stand seeing people just stand there at a concert unless they're like 50 years old. Kudos to all you bros out there if I could be as fuckin awesome as all of you I would

Your really going to fucking make fun of them and their type a style when you just said the word faggot there is seriously something fucked up with you if you say that word people that say that word are the type of people that only like people like them and are afraid to have an open mind.. Ass you are just like all the other fuck faces in this world and if you don't like them don't pay attention why spend so much fucking time on people you don't like you seriously need to fucking and let people be the way they want to be let them be free in their own minds