09 September 2014

There's hope for you too

Dear
Friend,

If
you came here through a search for words like 'anxiety', 'self-help',
'self-esteem', 'self-confidence', 'inner critic', 'self-acceptance', then I
might have something for you here. Read on, brother.

If
your answer to the question above is yes, chances are you are looking for some
reassurance or comfort or a solution to your 'problem'. This problem is
probably an apparent lack of self-confidence, 'faith' in you, or constant
anxiety about 'how am I doing?’ You probably beat yourself up over the tiniest
mistakes and goofs, often. You often doubt your ability to do well in almost
anything: studies, job, sports, and creativity. You are often, if not
constantly, burdened by a guilt that you are not 'good-enough'. So much so that
it actually prevents you from aiming higher!

Sometimes,
you do manage a truly remarkable performance, but you immediately downplay it
as a fluke or dumb-luck! You sabotage your own moment of success by criticizing
yourself ruthlessly! And you’ve become very good at that over the years.You are
often as scared of success as of failure, just so that you don't raise the
expectations too high. But deep down inside you want to celebrate that little
success as if you've conquered the world. As if you finally managed to wipe off
the not-up-to-the-mark label with that one success, once and for ever. Or
atleast you wish that you did.You believe that your accidental successes will
be exposed one day and you will be found-out to be a ‘fake’ who really isn't
good at anything.

You
probably don't love yourself enough to feel deserving of all the good things
that the world has to offer. Again, it’s just because you are your own worst
critic. And so, you stay in the 'safe zone', the level that you have reached
and have maintained for a while. But you know inside that you have held on too
tight and too long to it, and won't let go of it for something bigger and
better.

If
you somewhat identify with what I just described, I would like to tell you
this:

1. You are not alone: There
are far too many souls out there like you. They are all looking for the same
thing and suffering the same pain.

2. You can change this:
Slowly. With some directed effort and discipline. It *is* within your reach.

3. The problem is not with your
actual ability, it is only with your belief.

4. And that belief is a lie.
You are not a ‘phony’.

Other
than that false belief in your mind, you are no different than that 'star-performer'
at your school or workplace.

The
first step towards fixing your ‘problem’ is to know and believe that that
inner-critic is a liar. After you get this down well and good, you will be quite
ready to fix everything else. So take your time, think about that lie, and how
to tell that inner liar to shut up. I will write back with more in a day or
two.