“As Usual, I Have Lots of Crazy Crap in My Hair”

I adore Lady Gaga, but I think The Key of Awesome’s parody of the Gaga-Beyonce Telephone video is better than the real thing. I can’t stop singing it.

In the parody, Gaga threatens Jay-Z in order to get Beyonce to do a video.

If Gaga and Beyonce answered the parody video with a parody of their own — including Wendy Brandes jewelry p-p-p-p-p-p-p-product placement, of course — they would be my idols. Don’t worry! They wouldn’t replace my longtime idol, Coco. They would all be co-idols and live happily ever after.

Here are the lyrics (accuracy not 100% guaranteed — if you have corrections, let me know). Sing to the tune of Telephone, obviously:

Phone ringsGaga: What do you say, BK?

Beyonce: You gonna tell me the concept for this telephone video or what?

Gaga: Well, first of all this song is not as good as Bad Romance
And it’s not even close to Poker Face or Just Dance
So I will distract them by getting half-naked
And throw everything at them but the kitchen sink-sink
The kitchen sink-sink
What do you think-think?
I will prove that I don’t have a penis, wink-wink.
First I’ll get stripped naked by some burly prison guards
Then make out with a she-male in the prison yard-yard

Beyonce: This video seems goofy
You should just do it alone.
Besides I’m getting sick of all these songs about phones.

Gaga: Bail me out of jail then we pause for some bad dialogue
We poison everyone including a cute dog.
Then we start to dance and there’s dead people everywhere
As usual, I have lots of crazy crap in my hair.
P-p-p-p-p-p-p-product placement.
Hide d-dead-dead bodies in the b-b-basement
Blood and guts and boobs and butts and I just want to make your head explode!
Beep-beep-beep-b-b-beep-beep-beep, that was Lady Gaga in Morse Code.

Beyonce: If you think I’m doing this then you’re a crazy bastard.
You must have blown a gasket.
Are you trippin’ on acid?
As a child were you abused by some big crazy bastard?
And did he ever make you place the lotion in the basket?
I just want to do a simple shoot with dancin’
You used to be a diva (?) now you’re Marilyn Manson.

Gaga: You’re gonna do my video and do it my way.
I’d hate for something bad to happen to your family.

Beyonce: My family-y?

Gaga: That’s right Beyonce.
A piano might accidentally fall on Jay-Z.

Beyonce: Somebody help me ‘cos I don’t wanna sing anymore.
She’s got a gun to my head on the dance floor.

Gaga: Rub-a-dub-dub, three nuns in a tub,
and they’re doing it with the garden gnome.

Beyonce: Please don’t beat me up but I have to ask,
what does it have to do with a telephone?“You crazy bitch! *screams*”

UPDATED MAY 26, 2010: Great interview with Gaga here. It’s got nothing to do with this parody. I just needed it on my blog!

I think I’m the 10 millionth person to “discover” the video, but I’ll happily take credit anyway. I did write out the lyrics myself! By the way, if you see any mistakes in those let me know so I can fix them. There were about three lines I wasn’t totally sure of.

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MEET WENDY BRANDES

Award-winning designer of fine jewelry inspired by women's history and pop culture. A former journalist who writes about jewelry, fashion, medieval history, news, feminism, dogs, cats and whatever else is on her mind. Blogging since 2007.