Alabama

Doing chores the easy way: By Ricky Thomason

HUNTSVILLE, Ala. _ In a place as technology savvy as Huntsville with a bigger push for robotics coming our way, little should surprise us by now.

Robotic pool cleaners have been around long enough to be commonplace. I never wanted to swim while one of those sting ray shaped things was operating; who knows what the thing might go crazy and do?

I'd hate to be the next Steve Irwin. Actually, I would have hated to be the first Steve Irwin, even before he was death rayed.

You may have seen the little robotic vacuum cleaners, things that look like fat Frisbees or hubcap-sized smoke detectors that roam around your home and do the dirty work while you sip mint juleps on the veranda.

They are usually shown off by a proud friend or relative, often the same guy who has always been the first to have the next, newest, best whatever gizmo technology bestowed upon us.

The robotic cleaners run around your house and gather dust bunnies and hairballs in what seems a nonsensical random pattern, bouncing off the walls, changing directions, and then returns to the recharging dock when finished.

I have this sneaking suspicion most of them soon retire to the garage to gather dust on a cluttered shelf with its previous brothers in kinds.

If that Orek dude ever makes one of those things, you will be able to ride on it.

My wife pointed out an article in the paper last week. "Hon, this looks like something you'd just love to have." She pointed to a picture of a robotic lawnmower: a beetle-looking creature, no handles, no seat.

No anything that might give away it's secret identity as a lawnmower. It looked a lot like a pedal car with no place for the kid to ride. It was offered at a bargain basement price of $4,000. "We can be the first ones on our block to have a lawnmower with artificial intelligence."

I reminded her that we already held that distinction. She forgot about the guy we hired a few years ago to mow the lawn while we were on vacation; if that dude had any intelligence it was artificial.

Mowing the lawn is not one of my favorite things to do, but it's hard for the average retired guy to justify paying someone else to mow his lawn. I guess I qualify as retired. They locked the gates of the place where I used to work and quit paying me to go there.

I would be hard to trust a robotic lawn mower. I can't shake this image from my damaged head of coming home to find the LawnBot gone wild, chasing the bald dog all over the yard while the cat sits in a tree and laughs, like something you'd see on a cartoon.

It's supposed to be smarter than that. It even senses rain and makes a run for its little charging house. That makes it smarter than me by some measures. It started raining last week when I was about 90 percent done with the mowing, but I finished anyway.

That's okay. I didn't feel so badly when I noticed my next door neighbor was washing his cars in the rain again, something he does every day, snow, rain or sunshine. When they make a robot that washes cars I'll be more interested.