I guess you didn't see the accessible permit hanging from my car mirror, giving me permission to park close to the entrance. You didn't see the wheelchair lift permanently installed into the back of my SUV, and you didn't see me unload my little girl's pink manual wheelchair that we use for "quick" trips. Maybe from your view, you only saw my older daughter and me, and not Zoe's little girl bubble gum pink wheelchair.

I think I recognize you... I do.

Before becoming a Mom, I used to live in your world of black and white, with everything in order, in its place. I had a plan, a schedule, a list of finished projects to check off, checklist and all. How wonderful for you that your life is so structured, so dependable and predictable that you cling to that line dividing right and wrong, black and white, and that you feel compelled to comment when you think someone is coloring outside the lines.

This time, though, in your hurry to keep things neat and orderly, you didn't see the whole picture. I guess you didn't see the accessible permit hanging from my car mirror, giving me permission to park close to the entrance. You didn't see the wheelchair lift permanently installed into the back of my SUV, and you didn't see me unload my little girl's pink manual wheelchair that we use for "quick" trips. Maybe from your view, you only saw my older daughter and me, and not Zoe's little girl bubble gum pink wheelchair.

But forget all that, it could have only been my older daughter with me that day, parked in that same spot and -- depending on her health at that moment - in your eyes, we would have appeared to be at fault, even though her doctor almost nags me, reminding me often to use the medically-authorized permit to conserve her energy when needed. But looking at her, you wouldn't know she has the same progressive metabolic disorder as her younger sister. She doesn't have a wheelchair, but she has the same rights -- all invisible to YOU from the perspective of your world.

I recognize where you are from. I used to live there, too. I used to have checked-off lists, awards touting my accomplishments, perfect hair, great skin, sparkly eyes, a quick wit, a clean car, a social life, a large social network, an organized calendar, vacation plans set in stone and no overdue library books. But then I became a mom. And unexpectedly, a mom of a special needs child. A child with no life-long guarantee, no definitive prognosis and no detailed treatment plans. Now my family has good doctors, a good attitude and a good family life.

My life is good, but not so easily structured. My skin is not so healthy, my hair often flyaway, my eyes most often tired. I am up multiple times throughout the night, I rise at 5 and go full speed until 9 at night, still stymied and determined to do more each and every day. I miss the friendships I used to have, the once-so-easy-to-achieve professional accomplishments, but I don't miss the world you live in.

I am a kinder woman who lives in a world that is no longer black and white. Sometimes gray is good, a salvation, a retreat from something that could be much worse. My priorities were reshuffled for me, and now I would never think to judge another.

I am always in motion and I am grateful. Grateful for the touch of my child who needs my hands to steady her, grateful for my child who craves my words to calm her, my child who needs my hugs to soothe her. I am even grateful, that I no longer live in your black-and-white world.

Follow News?

I HATE when people do this! My daughter is also disabled, when she was 4 yrs. old, I was walking into Walmart with her (she uses a wheelchair) an old man & his wife pull up to the parking spot & start cursing at me in front of my daughter... they ended their rant with they were going to call the cops on me! I told him, he was welcome to call but as I had a permit hanging in my car that he should make sure the officers got his name as local police like to press charges for wasting their time... He left mad - they both should have had their mouths washed out with soap! It is things like this that make parents snap out a "Viral" post! This note was probably note the first or the nastiest - just the last straw. & No I have never used my daughter's permit without her - if I was that dumb & was caught she could lose it not to mention this tickets. (Locally it is a $250.00 fine)

Michele•October 07, 2013 23:03

Things are not always what they appear. Perhaps the person who left the note was even more handicapped than the first women or her daughter and couldn't go into the store that day because there was no parking available. Sounds like this woman is being just as judgmental as the one who left the original note.

Kristysmum•August 31, 2013 04:43

As cancer survivor, I went through this! I had just stated chemo for AML and hadn't lost my hair yet, but felt like hell...a guy still b****ed me out. I told him off telling him about my illness. He nodded and apologized realizing he was being an ass. Do Gooders are great, but hey, don't assume anything. In the end you just end up looking like a fool.

krystal•August 28, 2013 23:03

i think this woman should take it easy, because there are alot ppl park handicap without permission. agree with other ppl's comments, she should have just said that you made a mistake but thank you for pointing out that i park without a permit. it's unfair to those people try to be justice. i know you're life not easy, but do not blame others by saying that you are happy you are not living in the "black and white world like we do".

Rick•August 28, 2013 22:30

A persons disability is not always notable. My next door neighbor has a permit and without knowing her if you saw you would say she isnt disabled. The truth is she has a cardiac condition that is serious and she cannot walk long distances without endangering herself. People need to stop being so ignorant.

Tm8•August 28, 2013 22:05

Ok, I read the last paragraph for good measure. What a STUPID letter to write. She is probably mooching off the daughters handicap sign when she wants to go shopping... I see people do that all the time.

Tm8•August 28, 2013 22:03

The woman who received the note could have actually thanked the woman for looking out for the best interest of people like her daughter. Because too often, people DO illegally park in a handicap spot. The woman who received the note could have simply said "you made a mistake, but thanks for looking out"... Maybe she did, I didn't read the LOooNG stupid response. Not everything needs to be turned into a "viral letter". Jeez

Kristysmum@ Tm8•August 31, 2013 04:54

Yeah, I agree. Too much of this stuff turns into what is known as "harping". But, I think the point of all this, is for awareness for people to mind their own business. In my country, it's hard getting one of these permits, so usually someone is really disabled or ill who uses it.

my classmate's step-aunt makes $60/hr on the computer. She has been unemployed for 10 months but last month her paycheck was $14698 just working on the computer for a few hours. see here... C­­­a­­f­­e­­4­­4.ℂ­­­o­­m

Rhonda•August 28, 2013 19:45

I don't the rules in her state , but in mine the only time you can park in the handicap spot is if that person is with u . My mother has it on her plates and if I use it without her present its illegal , even if I am doing something for her .

Megan@ Rhonda•August 28, 2013 19:56

Idk if you read, but she did say she had both her daughters with her the day she got the note.

Alex@ Megan•August 30, 2013 03:12

Yes but then she said she may have had her older daughter, it seems like she does not know who was with her.