"It's awful. A collection of dirge-like ditherings that are a cross between children's nursery rhymes and the offerings of a hard-up street busker. Cake!"

Some protestors had been waiting for Mr McCartney since the weekend. One, Eleanor Rigsby, 55, said she had flown in from Chicago especially to throw missiles.

"It was wet, cold and noisy. I slept upright against a wall. To top it all, the Asian guy next to me kept farting and belching, and his dog peed in my hair. It was worth it, though, just to land an egg on that English chump's bonce!"

Another ex-fan, Penny Laine, said she had bought McCartney's latest album, but now uses it as a coaster.

"I couldn't wait to get down here to show my appreciation with these rotten tomatoes", she said.

Sir McCartney is currently being 'taken to the cleaners' by his one-legged ex-wife 'Long John' Heather Mills, and admits that he has had to churn out an album to cover the potential costs of the most expensive divorce in history.

"I'm famous, y'know. My fans are the greatest. They'll buy anything."

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