Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Pastor Tells You How God Wants You To Have Sex

"Are you ever unable to sleep because you’re wondering which sexual positions will land you in hell, where you will be tortured by demons who will cut you, “ in the most painful places” ? Well, you’re in luck! A UK pastor has released a video explaining, in great detail, the various behaviors that will get you banned from heaven. And his source is pretty good… infallible, I would say in fact: god! So, you’re gonna want to pay attention.
The video, which is called, “ Warning to Married Christian Couples from the Lord Jesus Christ, ” is the creation of the Nigerian Pastor Olugbenga Oladejo, who founded the Complete in Christ Church (CICC), an “end-time” church which teaches “sinners to repent and children of God to be ready like the wise virgins,” located in Peterborough, England.

Like all pastors who produce 15-minute videos detailing different kinds of sexual positions, Oladejo is very reluctant to talk about sex. But, as he explains, he had no choice. He’s just doing his job. And when god is your boss, you really don’ t want to phone it in. “One day, ” the pastor was visited by the lord who asked him to “ save the souls of his children who are on their way to hell and are not aware of it.” During what most of us would call a dream, or a nightmare, but which Oladejo claims is a “revelation,” god visited the sleeping pastor and projected some scenes of sinning and punishment onto a “judgment screen.” Think of the judgement screen as a movie theater screen which shows scenes of hell instead of full length movies. Oh, and which is staffed by angels, instead of ushers."

Cenk Uygur (www.twitter.com/cenkuygur) and Ana Kasparian (www.twitter.com/anakasparian), hosts of The Young Turks, discuss.