Tag Archives: football 101

It’s the last week of regular season football and I’m pleased as punch to have pulled off a Christmas miracle – a Fantasy Football Championship! This, mind you with Colin Kaepernick at my QB and a lot of injuries on my roster. The Hail Mary Girls’ league was a success, and I plan to keep spreading the Fantasy gospel to gals all around the world…or at least the greater Southern California area.

While others are thinking of cookie baking and spreading holiday cheer, I am in football overdrive, considering the end of the season and how each and every NFL team could benefit from a little Xmas joy.

Here is the definitive of what each team would like to find in their stocking this Christmas –

When you’re in the third day of the post-Thanksgiving juice cleanse, it’s difficult to think of anything else but food. Players like Julius Peppers, Simeon Rice, Jerod Mayo and even old schoolers like Demetrin Veal begin to dance though your head. You try to get excited about the week’s games but in reality all you want is one lousy carb. So forgive me if this week’s blog is not up to snuff; it will take a few days and a carne asada burrito to get me right.

One thing I am thinking about is how many of my favorite players I wish I was best friends with. A few years ago I used to run into Raiders QB Jeff Hostetler occasionally in San Francisco. He was always with a bunch of pals (“Hoss and Company” as I dubbed them), doing things like eating steaks, having drinks or just walking down the street looking like they didn’t have a care in the world. I remember thinking “how do I get me into that gang?” and realizing how much fun it would be to become BFFs with some of the NFLs coolest guys. Here are a few that come to mind –

JJ Watt – Is there a more fun-loving, kind-hearted and all-around beast in the NFL right now? And his guest appearances on The League make him all the more loveable! #wattforMVP

It’s a short week for most, and while nearly everyone dreams of turkey, tryptophan and tequila (just own up to that dysfunctional family!), it’s also the time that we give thanks to the best and brightest of the NFL. Or, in some cases, the biggest turkeys!

This year, I’m thankful for –

A Raiders Win –

It’s just gotten to the point where no one can root for this hapless team to go 0-16. Derek Carr is actually showing signs of being able to move this franchise ahead. Although it might not happen until Sebastian Janikowski (aka “Sea Bass” aka “worst nickname ever”) is about 80. Don’t worry, thought, I think he’s like 75 right now.

Even for a Raider, he’s somewhat scary.

Insane Catches –

Odell Beckham Jr. made one of the most insane catches you’ll ever see in Sunday night’s loss against the Cowboys, celebrated with one of the best memes of the year.

This rookie is making a name for himself and his frosted hair tips make me want to be his best friend. Plus, his dad was Shaquille O’Neal’s roommate in college. He could be the most interesting man in the NFL right now.

I write to you with sore fingers from trying to buy Taylor Swift concert tickets under many aliases…hey, the fan club code only let’s you get so many at a time. And, honestly, I’m up to my ears in football-related thoughts. This is the point in the year where all the teams start to run together, to seem so similar that I can’t tell a Titan from a Buccaneer, Jordan Cameron from Cameron Jordan and a Romeo from a Lovie.

With all of the devastating injuries to first-stringers, Fantasy Football is such hard work that I’m considering letting my seven-year-old take over some of the decisions.

The dog could probably help, too.

Now that the Broncos have saddled me with a second strike in my suicide pool (damn you Jeff Fisher and your creepy defensive coordinator Gregg Williams) and my Colts getting bested yet again by the hated Patriots (I know, enough already), it’s exhausting to be a fan. It’s getting difficult to even muster up much hatred for evil owners these days, what with Dan Snyder’s Rdskns imploding under RGIIIs leadership and the hot Mara daughters not even showing up to root on their family’s ailing Giants.

Yes, their family owns the Giants. Embarrassment of riches.

And yet, when I feel weary and just want a nice cup of tea and a backrub from the likes of Aryan Foster, I remember that there are people who are probably much more tired then I am. I’m talking about the old guys of the NFL. And by old, I mean much younger than most of us of course, but since a football career is like dog years, they are ancient.

Take time out from planning your spring break trip with Johnny Manziel and break out the Ben Gay with some of these old guys. And P.S. – most of em are pretty easy on the eyes!

So your team sucks. For many fans, that epiphany happens at some point during the season but, like an oiled up Kardashian photo in your news feed, the spectacle is something you can’t turn away from. Then again, like a Real Housewife with a man who straight up tells you “bitches be trippin”, you understand that this relationship is going nowhere…fast.

The original Kardashian booty. Better hair too.

Here are a few teams that will be playing some golf and drinking in a MLK day parade come January. And because I’m a giver, I give you a few ideas of how to cope.

Say you’re an NFL player. Just because you’re spending day and night reviewing film, figuring out new ways to smash you opponent’s head in and trash talking on Twitter, it doesn’t mean you don’t like footwear as much as the next civilian. In this week’s Blog, we look at the men sporting sick kicks sure to impress the ladies.

Denver’s Vonn Miller has recently been seen sporting shoes that are sparkly, in a super cray, little girl dressing as a princess way. Although the Twittersphere was aghast at his fashion sense, I give him points for trying and extra points because they’re Louboutins.

We start this NFL week with an homage to all of the ladies who love the NFL and the men who love them!

Who would have thought that there would be only three undefeated teams after week 3, and they would be the Cardinals,Eagles and Bengals? Not exactly the powerhouses we expected. Still, the Seahawks and Broncos predictably top most people’s power ranking list, and for good reason. Denver went into Seattle, an almost impossible stadium to win in, and made it a game. Seattle’s road record makes them a question mark during the playoffs, as if they have to go on the road, they could struggle!

This is not a week for frivolity; however I ask you to remember that football is largely fun, and the players are largely good guys with big hearts that do a lot for kids and community. There is lots to be fixed with my favorite sport…and lots of education to happen with both men and women who are ignorant about the issues of domestic violence and child abuse, not to mention executives who are completely tone deaf to public opinion.

If you’re still feeling sad about the direction of the league, spend some time Googling Peyton Manning, Charles Tillman, Drew Brees and other NFL good guys. There are a lot of them out there.

At times like this, though, there’s always the refs and the Patriots to pile on and make us feel a little bit better.