Finding Tony Eulo…

Finding Tony Eulo…

There are moments in life when one is emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically changed. What makes these moments special, especially the positive ones, is that we become anew, reborn in a sense, and we see the world from a new perspective, we view situations and people in a new light, overcome our emotional fears and experience joy and peace within ourselves, and were better able weather life’s storms.

In the past year, I have become “anew” many, many times. As a father, a filmmaker, and a son. I recently reconnected with my father, a man whom I have not seen in 32 years. I was 11 years old when I last seen him, and spent the rest of my life searching for him, for my identity, and my place within the world. I searched for him the people I met and places I found my self in.

In my first year of college I wrote and directed a kens burns style biopic about my search for him entitled “Chasing my fathers shadow.” The film represented my final presentation for a child psychology class at Union County College. It examined the effects of Paternal Absence from a freudian perspective, using my childhood as an example ( you can see it http://vimeo.com/4399647). Later, I adapted it into the short film I never finished called “chasing shadows”, a story about a young boy living on a barrier Island in south Jersey, in search of his father, a war-torn Vietnam vet suffering from PTSD.You can see the dailies here (https://vimeo.com/43255858).

Several years ago, I reconnected with my little sister on facebook for whom I also haven’t seen for 32 years. It was because of her, that I was able to work through the abandonment and bitterness and gathered the courage to friend him on facebook and eventually speak with him on the phone. I had so many questions, ones that a son should know about his father. It was the beginning of my relationship with him.

I know sit, in his living room typing this post. This short time, with him and his wife, has profoundly effected me. I am leaving today, back to NJ more complete, more whole, then anytime in my life. Many of my anxieties, and fears have gone and I feel more confident in my self, in my identity, and comfortable about my self. In finding my fahter, I found my self and now can move forward with my head held high, complete, and confident.