Sep

The Bwogtionary: A Lexicon

Like Shakespeare and Sarah Palin, college students enjoy making up new words. HuffPo (that’s Huffington Post to you students who, er, haven’t read this article yet) recently did a piece on the language college students speak at schools that… aren’t Columbia, apparently. Here is Bwog’s comprehensive A-Z lexicon of all the words and phrases you will actually need to successfully navigate your next four years’ worth of conversations (or at least, well, Bwog posts).

“El Presidente”: See PrezBo. “There goes El Presidente down College Walk, tall and proud—off to survey a couple more acres of New York real estate for another satellite campus, no doubt!”

“Strong, beautiful”: of, pertaining to, based on, or deriving from Columbia’s sister school, Barnard College. “Let’s head over to Hewitt for some strong and beautiful pasta from the Action Station!”

CC: Contemporary Civilizations, Core Curriculum, or Columbia College, depending on context. “CC is a huge pain in my ass.”/”CC is a huge pain in my ass.”/”CC is a huge pain in my ass.”

CrackDel: A popular local deli known in particular for its “Spicy Special.” Peak hours occur between 2AM and 4AM on Fridays and Saturdays. Not to be confused with HamDel. “Oh man, those Bud Lites at Delta Sig gave me the 4AM munchies like something fierce. Let’s go grab a sandwich at CrackDel.” Bonus: CrackDel delivers! 212-280-7329

DSpar:The strongest and most beautiful of the Barnardians, rarely spotted in heels lower than four inches. “Anna Quindlen and Dorothy ‘Double-D’ Denburg may be pretty hot stuff over at the ‘nard, but no one holds a candle to DSpar.”

FroSci: The bane of CC existence. Also known by the less apparently phonetic “FoS,” or simply as “Frontiers.” FroSci was coined by the Class of 2013, and has proved controversial in Bwog comments. Jim: “Want to go to that party at Beta and get really wasted?” Bob: “I wish I could, but I’ve got to finish this stupid FroSci problem set.”

FroYo: A tasty snack or dessert. Not to be confused with the foreign substance that comes out of the softserve machines at John Jay and Hewitt. “Oreo crumbles or no oreo crumbles, this shit isn’t cutting it. Let’s leave campus and go to Pinkberry for some realfroyo.”

HamDel: Another, less popular Columbia deli, located on Amsterdam betwen 115th and 116th. Also home to the famous Amy. “I could really go for a Cubano right now at HamDel.”

Hawkma: short for Hawkmedinejad, the hallowed name of the frightening carnivorous bird that circles campus sometimes and devours weasels and other small mammals. Rose to fame in the 2007-2008 school year, the same year that the equally terrifying Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad came to speak at Columbia. “That’s nice that your family is here to move you in, but I wouldn’t take your little brother outside today; I heard that Hawkma is hungry and on the prowl.”

HuffPo: A popular website for US news. Special because it has its own College section. “I read on HuffPo that there’s a German college offering a flirting course. Maybe they should teach that at SEAS.”

Hum: a suffixal free morpheme used in conjunction with “lit,” “art,” or “music.” “I’m really not a humanities person. I’ll get Lit Hum over with now, but I’m leaving Art Hum and Music Hum ‘til second semester of senior year.”

Hungarian: A cake- and cookie-filled wonderland where people go to write and eat desserts that often taste of cardboard. There’s no Internet and no outlets, so it’s good for speed-writing papers. People who hang out there like to pretend a lot of things. “I would go study at Hungarian, but I don’t own a pair of oversized glasses.”

MiMoo: The grooviest CC dean around. “Everyone made fun of me when I said I wanted to be a philosophy major, but MiMoo assured me that being a thoughtful person is just as important as providing a real service to the world.”

MoWi: That supermarket people shop at, generally when they can’t make it to a better supermarket. (Grumble, grumble) “I wish I had more time to go grocery shopping and didn’t have to run to MoWi; these berries are three times moldier and three times more expensive than Westside’s.”

Philo: The very old, very entertaining literary society that holds weekly debates/open mic nights, among other events. Ellie: “Why is that kid walking around Lerner in judicial robes?” Ben: “Oh, he must be in Philo.”

PrezBo: That dude who runs our school, or the related hairstyle (toupée optional).Origin: VShow of years past. “Love your new haircut—rocking the PrezBo!”

VShow: Shorthand for the Varsity Show, which will put on its 117th performance this May. Used to be an actual variety show back in the day, now it’s a musical about Columbia with some dancing and sometimes some laughing. It’s tradition, kids.

Vag, the: The crude but unstoppable nickname for Barnard’s new student center, which was donated by alum Diana Vagelos. Known by boring people as the Diana Center. “Have you been to the Vag yet? I hear a lot of important people have gone inside. Let’s go see if it’s open.”

War on Fun: The explanation for your being written up twice already. Coined on Bwog by alum Katie Reedy. “Damn this War on Fun! I’m going to have my forties and drink them, too!”