Struggling To Love My Body

I’m struggling to love my body. I have struggled massively with my body image over the years & been extremely unkind to it in the past but I am now slowly learning to love my body a little more.

I fell into bad habits & neglected my body & barely ate for years thinking I had to be smaller & slimmer, the Mr found ways to help me eat again and now I can even eat in public when I’m feeling good. Weight and size is now the least of my problems..

Finding out I have peripheral neuropathy has made sense of a lot of things for me recently. Although I still get frustrated with certain things, I know now what’s causing it so I don’t feel quite as ridiculous. BUT there’s one thing that has been increasingly bugging me.

My scoliosis.

Most people wouldn’t notice my Scoliosis (curvature of the spine) and it was completely missed for years. I don’t know how my back looks as it’s something I tend to avoid but my left rib cage sticks out.. A fair bit. My spine curves & twists to the left. Add in my tilted pelvis and well and I do look odd..especially if you look closely.

I always thought a jelly belly, c-section scar & stretch marks would bother me but these days not so much, I’ve learnt to accept that the Jelly belly & stretch marks are a part of me & my scar is so faded I barely notice it these days and see all these things are a reminder I carried my babies and brought them into this world.

I struggle with my rib cage sticking out though.. It always seems so noticeable in a tight top so I’ve started wearing looser tops again. I feel like I look very wonky. Wearing a bra HURTS after a little while as it digs in to my sticky out rib. It feels like it’s slowly getting worse so I guess it’s something I need to learn to accept. Hopefully I can just as I have accepted my jelly belly, scar and stretch marks.

Do you have scoliosis?

Does anyone else have Scoliosis and struggle with their curves? I know compared to many my curves aren’t that bad but it still bothers me at times, especially when getting dressed to go out. Nothing looks right, necklines look wonky.. It’s frustrating at times.

I’ve struggled majorly this past year to keep any weight on, I keep bouncing back down to 6 1/2 stone when I should be at least 7-8 stone and this makes my rib cage stick out and hurt even more. I’m trying my best to gain (I’m sure anyone that follows me on Instagram will know I munch a lot haha) but it has been tough and at best I’ve managed to get to 7 stone 4 and I’m currently 7 stone exactly.

I’m hoping perhaps with a little more weight the curve wont be quite as obvious and painful.. Anyone know if this would actually help? There is very little info out there on Scoliosis (anything I have found is American) and Dr’s don’t seem to know as much about it in the UK.

10 comments

First of all I like to say that you are extremely brave to publish this post, I think we all struggle with our body image but never talk about it or try to mask it. I have a love/ hate relationship with my figure, now it is more like hate because I have gained a lot of weight and not to mention cellulite and stretch marks resulting from my pregnancy.

Thank you, it was hard hitting publish but I scheduled & tried to forget about it. I struggled a lot with weight gain & stretch marks & my emc scar but after Izzy it didn't bother me so much.. Almost felt comfortable then began to notice my rib. I guess most of us struggle with something about our bodies x

What an great post. You are amazing. I do struggle with body image as well. That's not the only thing I do struggle with. I also have a problem with self esteem, self worth. So I know a little bit about how you must be feeling. Well done for publishing this and talking about it!

Your body is beautiful, strong and brilliant. That you struggle with scoliosis and peripheral neuropathy only makes it even more amazing that you do what you do, and that you brought beauty and a miracle to this world. I have a scoliosis which affected my heart, so have a major heart problem to add to my wonky ribs and back hump and pain! I do hide away under my clothes, but that's due to all my wobbly bits too! Stay strong & brave, you're great xx