Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Mom

My mom passed away unexpectedly last Wednesday May 14, 2014; 3 days after Mother's Day, 2 days after my birthday, 5 days before the 1 year anniversary of grandma's death. It has been a rough week to say the least.

I wrote a eulogy for her memorial service tomorrow.

Mom.

So many memories get conjured up when I think of our mother, Deborah. It's hard to even fathom her death, let alone sum it up into a page of
words of what she means to me, to us. I sit here writing this in my car,
peering out into an empty park, gazing into the sky at Mt. Hood. A great vast
mountain, volcano if you will, a force to be reckoned with.

Mom.

A force to be reckoned with. She was that. She fought hard, she played
hard, she laughed hard, but most of all she loved hard. She loved just about
everyone she crossed paths with and you knew it; even loving those that have
done her wrong. She had a big heart and contagious smile. A heart and a smile
that I will dearly miss.

Although, she mellowed in her older age, I can remember numerous times in
my younger years, if you messed with her or anyone she loved/cared for, you
better watch out. It would only be a moment before she would be coming for
you. She might of been small in stature but she made up for it in personality.
One memory that sticks out in my mind, was when I think I must have been all of
5 or 6, James just 2 or so at the time, pre car seats. Someone jay walked in
front of our car as we were accelerating, we had to slam on the breaks to avoid
hitting the person, which ultimately threw James and I out of our seats in the
back, onto the floor. Of course we were crying. Mom was livid. We literally
pulled into the parking lot of where the person was and Mom let them have a
piece of her mind via a broken windshield. No holding back. I think the cops
may have even been called. Ok, so not the best memory but goes to show don't
mess with momma bear and her cubs. That was her.

Mom.

She had a rough life especially these last couple years. She battled
addiction for many years but was clean for many, had some health scares but thought most of them were under control, she divorced, but she always came back full
circle. She soldiered on when most others may have given up. She was a
fighter.

Mom.

I talked to her several times on Mother's Day and on my birthday May 12th,
it was just like any other time we talked. Just chatting about the goings
on in our lives at the time, asking about the grandchildren, work, etc. Even
though states divided us we talked often and it was almost as if she was right
down the street. Nothing extraordinary came out of our frequent calls, the call
on Mother's Day or my birthday and that is probably how it was meant to be.
Casual conversation, between a mother and her daughter, nothing out of the
ordinary yet now I consider them extraordinary, those last talks. A memory that
I will cherish and hold dear forever.

In closing, as we have all soldiered on this past week as mom would have
wanted us to do, I keep coming back to a couple verses from one of my favorite
songs.

We pray for blessingsWe pray for peaceComfort for family,
protection while we sleepWe pray for healing, for prosperityWe pray for
Your mighty hand to ease our sufferingAll the while, You hear each spoken
needYet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if
Your blessings come through raindropsWhat if Your healing comes through
tearsWhat if a thousand sleepless nightsAre what it takes to know You're
nearWhat if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

As hard as it is to accept, I truly believe mom's "peaceful" passing IS a
blessing in disguise. I am sure she is now whooping it up in Heaven , maybe
even questioning authority at the holy gates, running into the arms of the other
family members we have lost along the way.

I love you Mom. Forever on my mind and in my heart. Never EVER
forgotten.