Thursday, 14 June 2012

Following the HUGE MIGHTY SUCCESS of my other reviews; here
is another one that I didn’t do:

A Chuffing Good Read

-A review by S.Powis

The Hunger Games

The books starts with chapter one, when I saw this I was
instantly put off. I thought to myself "how blimming predictable" but
after ten minutes of moaning and groaning I composed myself and went back to
the book. The author of the book uses 'words' throughout the book to tell the
story, very cunning I thought. My personal number one book would be the 'touch
and feel' sponge bob edition which I enjoyed from beginning to end several
times over but this didn't use words. The fact that the book uses words was
initially a challenge for me, but I got my Girlfriend to read them out loud for
me. This worked I thought. The book is about this girl called Katniss who
didn't shave her legs. This part is non fiction as girls are real things cos I
know I saw some in school. I didn't like what I saw. The rest of the story is
sometimes non fiction because it is set in a place that is not. Called Panem.
Which isn't a nice place in my opinion in fact it's worse then France or
something.

This is where I get confused over the whole fiction/non
fiction thing as the writer ladie might of either gone to the future or seen
someone from the future and just got the book or she could of made it up in
her head. So depending on how the book was attained it is either fiction or non
fiction... Not sure.

something like this...

The book is set in the future.

It is broken up into chapters.

After a while my girlfriend said she wasn't gonna read it to
me any more as she had her own book to read.

Here is where the miracle happens, instead of just having a
strop and leaving the book I had a strop and and decided to read it
myself.

This in its self shows how enticing the book must of been. I
managed to finish the whole book by myself in my head with no prompting. The
story had lots of action and death which I liked. I liked how the writer used
the words to make you think you knew the people and things. I am currently
reading the second book called 'Catching Fire'. A second point which makes me think
the book is probs non fiction is that it wasn't written on paper. It was
written on a StarTrek thing called a Kindle made by Amazons. So probs was given
to us by Spock or summing. To him it would have been a historical document.

In conclusion it's a very good book. I am going to be sad
when i finish the trilogy but am also excited to. I don't think the mix of
emotions will be good for my health in the long run. If you have money, it
should be spent on this and then if you can read you should read it, if not get
your Girlfriend to read it. If she won't and you can't read don't get the
audiobook it's rubbish, you should either put your mind to destroying evil or
just sit down and have a good think for about ten minutes or so.

Friday, 8 June 2012

Yes that old bean, it’s socialising without having to read.
It’s twitter for the illiterate (ha! As if half the people on twitter are even
vaguely literate) it’s facebook, only without the book bit.

see this kind of crap all the time!

It’s all pictures of stuff, random crap, like looking at the
detritus collected on the floor of a shambolic hoarder's garage.

I haven’t worked out what it is actually for yet. But you
get to that point in the day when you loose the will to think, you want to
click and flick and surf, and pinterest is the equivalent of waving something
shiny at a baby.

I just use it for posting hilarious pictures and thought you
might be interested in my collection of animals in a variety of unsuitable
outfits.

Wednesday, 6 June 2012

Today is the day I celebrate 100 posts! This is the
hundredth by the way, just in case you were confused.

This is gonna be like well easy today tho as I
don’t have to think or nuffin, I just do a bit of reminiscin’, like one of them
clip shows they do on the telly box.

So it all started a long time ago in a galaxy far
away. Actually I won’t mention the first few blog posts, cos they are really
crap and boring, I probably didn’t get going until I started talking about how
much I hateEwoks
and then it was like I’d ‘opened the floodgates’ as they say. The flood gates
of HELL Mwuhahahah etc.

I had to tell you how annoyed I was at my useless phone of hell
and how irritated I was, and still am actually, with useless stupid people that
do pointless
things but people give ‘em loadsa money cos it chrateeey. Twonks.

Then everything went a bit mad when I met a littol kitton
what wanted to start a meaningful conversation with me. That was a bit strange,
the only thing stranger than that was my encounter with Dr Oetker.

This whole reminiscin’ thing is more technical than
I thought, what with all the hyper linking stuff…. Tricky.

However I couldn’t possibly leave my blog story
thing without mentioning my guest blogger,
the little monkey that stole everyone’s heart and then weed on it.

Tuesday, 5 June 2012

Well I suppose a lot of you are out there being all British
and having barbecues and ‘lovin’ it’ aren’t you?

As the storm clouds gather above me on this fateful anniversary
I am reminded only of the futility of our existence. Minions and plebians
gather in public grounds, eating cold, sugared fat in a cone and waving a 300
year old symbol of a dead empire, whilst I sit in a sweaty pool of my own
misery.

“Why are you doing that you weirdo?” I hear you ask ever so
politely.

a dark and sinister ritual

Well because it is on this day that we witness, once again,
an event which reminds us only of the time passing swiftly under our withered
toes. We cling, like desperate rats, to our youthful faces, sagging under the
weight of our own mortality and we blunder onwards down the same road towards
our inevitable end.

How do we acknowledge this dreadful loss?

Why the only way we can, the only way we have been shown,
the only way we know how!

We make sacrifices and burn farm animals in suburban gardens
during a frenzied bacchic celebration watched over by the mysterious Dr Oetker
and his decidedly sinister muffin pyramid.

Monday, 4 June 2012

That’s right lads and ladies (eurgh, that is a rather plebeian
phrase) I am here to provide you with the latest How To! If I do enough of them,
then I shall compile them into a book, this book shall be like a ‘library of
advice’ all compiled and edited by me, I shall give them a name that means
library, thus saving me the effort of thinking. I shall then translate this
word into another language to make it sound posher, perhaps Greek or Latin, I
shall then provide this ‘bible’ to people who are lost and searching for
answers, they will then follow my advice and raise me up to the status of
messiah, or demi god and I shall then ask them to give me all their money
to save them from the burden of materialism. Then I’ll get a hot tub and a
monkey, but I won’t have them in the same room.

Any hoo.

not like this chicken

I am sure you have all been in a situation in which you have
been forced, like a ferret into a tube, to engage with an idiot. The kind of
idiot that has a mental capacity similar to that of a chicken, not one of the
cool chickens that performs stunts, no, one of the stupid chickens that all the
other chickens look at and go ‘oh god do I really have to talk to her? She's as
thick as-’ well you get the general idea.

With a statement you are left with the option of smiling and
walking away. No harm done, no chance of them pulling you, kicking and
screaming, into their vacuous conversation in the way planets can be caught in
the gravitational pull around a black hole and sucked into oblivion.

With an open question - “What time is it?” “How many boiled eggs
do you reckon I can fit in my mouth?” – Simply say ‘I don’t know.’ Then run.

But this is a ‘yes/no’ question, not quite so easy to get
away from. So what do you do? What possible option are you left with in this
most dire of circumstances?

Well, the easiest and simplest method to deal with the old ‘yes/no’
is to say ‘No’ and walk away. Do it quickly, give them no time to probe you
further on your negative response, don’t fall into the trap of ‘being polite’
and saying ‘ok?’ this will only encourage them. DO NOT concern yourself with
these thoughts of being polite, just shove them out of your ‘compassion circle’
like a big fat sumo and be done with it.

However if this situation occurs and you find yourself
supplying the positive response and then continuing to engage in the conversation,
then I am afraid there is no hope for you. You are an idiot.