Retail Therapy: Twitter plays the Trump card

It’s been another weird week in retail. Ivanka Trump’s brand got slammed on Twitter, Target faced a wave of criticism from angry moms looking for wholesome clothing and Segway created shoes that really do let you wheel around town.

The fall of Ivanka Trump’s brand spurs Twitter comments

Ivanka, Ivanka’s clothing, the Ivanka family — and really anything to do with Ivanka — was roasted on Twitter after the announcement, with both jokes about her fashion taste and political jabs at her father’s administration making the cut (because who doesn’t like a side of immigration policy with their designer labels?).

Nothing was below the belt for these Twitter evangelists, who were no doubt emboldened by how well Melania Trump’s roasting took off several weeks ago. It’s not altogether surprising, considering the polarizing political climate of the United States — and the fact that Cards Against Humanity started the bidding for a Trump roast fairly high by paying for a vacant plot of land on the Mexican border.

Maybe being in the spotlight really isn’t the best thing that can happen to you — Ice Cube used to be famous too and now he’s designing championship rings with Alex and Ani. Just a thought.

Ivanka Trump’s fashion brand may be over but never forget her timeless fashion advice: Pair sleek, classic nepotism with blind adherence to a maniac and spritz with the vague, insulting guise of female empowerment.

Target crushed under uprising of wholesome moms

This time the mass merchant was taken on by the group of opponents most likely to send you to your room — angry moms with Facebook accounts. According to the Beaumont Enterprise, a parenting blogger posted an angry note on the social media network, calling out Target’s tween department for having only “Teeny-tiny, itsy-bitsy, way-too-short shorts.”

We know what you’re thinking: “hey, those sound like the lyrics to that song about the yellow polka dot bikini!” And you’re not wrong. But who knows what these moms would have said about that bikini when Target’s athletic options qualify as “hooker shorts” (their words) — or worse, what they would say if they found out that lots of adults, even Serena Williams, buy our bikinis at Target, that heathen hellscape of clothing choices.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt personally victimized by a band of moms calling out Target’s clothing lines.

Shoe fashion rolls out the door

Shoes have never had a particularly good reputation for fashion at Retail Dive. And with companies like Balenciaga around to iterate on the Croc and revive the dad sneaker, that likely won’t change anytime soon.

That being said, there’s bad fashion, and then there’s making shoes into something they were never meant to be: Segways. Yep, the company created roller shoes for $399, according to TechCrunch, showing they learned absolutely nothing from the early 2000s Heelys craze, because if there’s one thing that middle school children don’t need, it’s another excuse to make which shoes to wear a chaos-inducing choice. That’s what rollerblades are for.

But at least the $400 is ostensibly to support the technology behind the wheels. We cannot say the same for Asos’ “UGG Exclusive Del Rey Pink Triple Strap Fluffy Heeled Sandals,” which retail for an astonishing $190 considering the amount of pink fur on them. To put this in perspective, there was more outcry about Toblerone changing the size of its chocolate triangles than about the fact that people are actually buying these shoes.

Just goes to show that as soon as you think you know fashion, someone comes along and wheels your whole world around.

These shoes were meant for… not walking in public

Tommy Hilfiger will find you … and track your location

Sometimes people make smart decisions for stupid reasons — like going to a really good college, but only because your best friend is — and other times people make stupid decisions for ‘smart’ reasons.

Enter: Tommy Hilfiger’s smart clothing line. You might remember Levi’s smart jean jacket, which keeps you warm while riding a bicycle and also lets you make calls to let your boss know you’ll be late because you’re riding a bike — well, Tommy Hilfiger’s smart clothing line is a similar concept with none of the functionality (much like this layered denim dress).

As Marketing Dive reports, the clothing’s sole purpose is to let Tommy Hilfiger fans earn points for wearing Tommy Hilfiger clothes. And while that may seem like a bad reason to buy a sweater, you may be wrong because shoppers can also play a game called “let’s collect data about how often you wear our clothes and also everywhere you go” disguised as an equally unappealing game about collecting Tommy Hilfiger “hearts.”

But threatening consumer privacy is really just par for the course at this point, right?

Does this look like the face of someone concerned about their privacy?