OctoMom: Porn for $1 Mil or Diapers for 1 Year?

Here in the lush offices of The Curmudgeon, some of our staff are trashy but by no means sleazy. And I mean the good kind of trashy. You know what I’m talking about? Like (insert favorite female pop star here) in that video (insert name of song here) just makes you want to (insert vile act here). But when the following item came across my desk and I showed it around, we all felt a little bit like trash. And a little nauseous too.

The item was this: OctoMom Offered $1 Million to Make a Porno. Aw, gawd, somebody open the door to my private bathroom…I don’t want anything slowing me down when the time comes and I make a mad dash to the porcelain god. Sure, she’s used to having multiple people inside her at once, but a porn company is going to fork over a major payload to show it on film? Hey, if she agrees to join their stable of…actresses…thereby agreeing to make several films as a “contract girl,” they’ll sweeten the pot by giving her family full medical and dental insurance. Nadya Suleman’s the name…porn’s the game. Well, maybe it will keep her out of the baby business at least.

Actually, this isn’t a bad deal for her. She’s already screwed in the head, having gone as far as medical procedures to try to look

Transforming into Angelina

more like Angelina Jolie with the lip “puffer upping” and all. But a million bucks, full insurance? She certainly could use it, but what effect would it have on the kids, except for good part regarding the insurance? Frankly, I don’t know who would pay money to see it. Of course, I wouldn’t pay to see John Wayne Bobbit either, who got a porn contract after Elena cut his wiener off and doctors reattached the wiggly thing. At least that was a medical curiosity…something P.T. Barnum might have been proud of, knowing that a sucker is born every minute.

An interesting twist and shout came when rival XXX company Pink Visual offered her a full year’s worth of diapers to keep her baby maker where it belongs. Suddenly playing benevolent grandfather, the president of Pink Visual wrote that she “will become the subject of endless ridicule and scorn. There’s a great deal of stigma attached to being a porn star” and that Octo needs to think “in the best interest of your children.” You think? For a change?

Here’s the thing: She probably has offers of free diapers for a year 20 times over. What she needs is some scratch and she’s already shown that she and reality don’t exactly see eye to eye. I’ll bit I can pick which side of the bed she’s gonna lie on.

Uh-oh….here it comes…excuse me, I’m going into the bathroom to call Ralph on the big white phone.