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Tuesday, 31 December 2013

Happy New Year. Guest post from Nellie

Well hello there, it's your old friend Nellie Knowitall from Stating the Bleedin Obvious. Queen of Mean has asked me to write the last post of 2013, because she can't be bothered to do it, idle so and so. Don't tell her I said that, she'll have my guts for garters, ha ha.

As you know, I travel a lot, my first love is Vegas, but I will go anywhere where there is sun, sea, and sangria. It's not the hunky men that draw me to these places, no, honestly, oh alright then, I do enjoy ogling a handsome Adonis strutting his stuff on the beach. In fact I can see one right now from my hotel balcony overlooking the shimmering sea in Monte, that's Monte Carlo in case you were wondering. I expect lots of you will be shivering your nuts off in sub zero temperatures in good old Blighty. Never mind, it will soon be spring.

So what's the topic today you might ask. Well true to form, it's all about sensible living, making the most of what you have, and making a happy life for yourself. I don't have to bother with all that scrimping stuff, now that my poor old Horace has popped his clogs. He has left me a sizeable nest egg which will see me through for the rest of my time on this planet. But old habits die hard, and I still find myself looking for yellow stickers every time I step inside a supermarket. Not that I need to go shopping that often, these days I dine out a lot, or have things delivered. But you dear friends might not be in the same enviable position as myself, and need to keep watching every penny you spend.

Surviving in today's economical climate isn't all that difficult you know. You wouldn't believe it, but when I was in my twenties I didn't have a brass farthing to my name. I had six snotty nosed kids hanging onto my skirt, all squealing for food. I had a lazy good for nothing useless waste of space who spent all his dole money down the pub. And I had to go foraging in bins at the back of shops to get the kids something for dinner. It was a chuffin nightmare.

So what did I do to get out of this impossible situation? Well I went on the internet of course. I needed to swap the geezer I had for a better model. There are some cracking sites out there you know. Thousands of pictures of bored single guys, just looking for a ready made family. I struck lucky, found myself a real gent, pots of money, and filthy rich. Too good to be true you might say. Well there was one downside which I was prepared to overlook, he was three weeks short of his 90th birthday, but heyho you can't have everything. I reckoned he was a better bet than the 45 year old I was already hooked up with who was getting on my nerves.

My new man, Horace, was a quiet man, he was no trouble at all, as long as he had his meals cooked for him, clean clothes to wear, and I allowed him the odd kiss on the cheek, he was happy. Non of the old how's your father hankypanky, oh no, I'm past that now. The money kept appearing in my bank account, anything I wanted I could have, no questions asked. I put all the kids through University, they've all got good jobs now, so I'm proud of what I've achieved. I saw the problem, and with my common sense ethos, I worked out a plan to change things round. Got rid of the useless lump who was dragging me down, and hooked up with a better model. Now poor old Horace is no more and I copped for the lot. I drink to his health, as I top up my suntan. Cheers my dear.

Right, what common sense tips can I pass on to you on this last day or 2013. First off has got to be, if things are not working out for you, whether it be in your job, your family, or where you live, for goodness sake, you don't have to put up with it, change it. But beware, if you make the wrong decision or the wrong move learn from it, and change again. Keep changing until you get it right. Life isn't a chuffin rehearsal you know, you are a long time dead.

Here's a few things you might like to change. You don't have enough money to live on. Easy. Earn more, or spend less. Or do as I did, and find a partner to give you some. You need to work out the deal though, what he/she expects in return for handing over their dosh. Don't sell yourself short.

You are fed up of staying in? Well go out more. Not happy with your looks? Change the colour of your hair. Bored with your wardrobe? Get some new second hand clothes. You are too heavy? Eat less, exercise more. You are too skinny? Eat some stodge. You stink of fags? Chuck them in the bin and don't buy any more, or find a partner who also stinks. You are lonely living by yourself? Get a cat or a dog, they don't complain and will love you forever. You have no one to go on holiday with? Go by yourself, you will meet lots of people. That's just a few examples. Whatever the problem is, it can be sorted with a few common sense ideas.

Well my dears, a new year is almost upon us. I shall be knocking back the champers with a few of my millionaire pals, as the clock strikes midnight. I hope you are having a lot of fun, whatever you are doing. All the best for 2014, I hope you have enjoyed my little contributions to Meanqueen's wonderful blog, I shall be popping in from time to time next year. I'll leave you with this little gem, if you pour vast quantities of alcohol down your throat tonight, you will probably throw up, and feel chuffin awful in the morning. The choice is yours. HAPPY NEW YEAR. LOVE FROM NELLIE XXX

and if you can't afford smoked salmon get some kipper fillets........cats are happy to share either...........a good new year to you Ilona & sweet Nell & to all your bloggists`......& fishy felicitations to your beautiful cats

My name is Horace...I’m 92I’m looking for a gal like youA frugal gal with lots of charmA lassie with a muscled armTo hold me up until I croak You think I’m kidding...it’s no jokeI have no money; don’t eat muchJust prefer a human crutchA little warmth to ease the painA little laughter keeps me saneAnd if you like I’ll bring my tellieInvite your friends, especially NellieAnd we’ll welcome in a bright new yearWith yellow stickers and ginger beer!

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Welcome come on in

Hello, I am a 69 year old retired lorry driver. After trucking for 32 years I'd had enough, went part time when I was in my mid 50's and stopped altogether when I reached 60. Yippeeee, now I am free to do as I like. I live with two cats, I make do and mend being very careful with my spending, only buying what I need. I have no qualms about buying second hand from car boot sales and charity shops, and getting free stuff from skip diving. Money saved is put towards holidays, a decent car, and days out. I love life, and it needn't cost a fortune to enjoy it.

1000 mile challenge 2018

We start our third year of the 1000 mile walking challenge on the 1st of January. Members of the Walking Group will need to declare their intention to start, with a comment on the first post of the year, and report in on the 1st of every month after that with their own mileage. If you feel that 1000 miles is too much for you, make up your own challenge. Any walking is better than no walking. The aim is to improve our health and fitness. Remember, you need to allocate time to do this, going for the odd ramble when you feel like it is not really enough. Walk fast, walk with a purpose.

Onward we go, new and old members welcome. Let's work hard to keep in good shape.

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Sixtyeight years young, and living a fab life

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Free things I have found, or been given, or I have asked for.

Left over food from a buffet - I asked for it...Frozen fish and vegetables - given to me by a friend....Pair of black steel toe cap work boots - found in a layby....Crystal necklace on a chain - found on a grass verge.... Eiderdown - given from a friend....pair of slippers - given from a friend....3 cans of cider - found in the churchyard....Two small conifer plants - found in a rubbish bin....A whole load of stuff - found in a skip....65p in coins - found in the street....An orange plastic pumpkin bucket - found while litter picking....17p in coins - found in the street while litter picking....Pile of magazines - given to me....Two bottles of water, a goody bag, and a medal - given to me for escorting my friend on her sponsored walk....Two golf balls - found while out dog walking....Two bags of usefull stuff - given to me from my friends declutter....Wooly hat and gloves - given to me....Coins total £1.10 - found....12 pearl beads - found....Yellow plastic dogs ball - found in a field....32p in coins - found on grass verge....A five pence coin - found on a footpath....A yellow Frizby - found on a grass verge....10p coin - found in the woods....Three course dinner and 2 mince pies - given to me....Plastic garden table - given to me....£1 coin, 5p coin, 2p coin - found in a car park....Seven daily newspapers - borrowed from a newspaper recycling box....A dress, a skirt, a jumper, 4 teashirts - my friend gave them to me....A bowl of home made soup - my friend gave it to me....A cabbage - my friend gave it to me....Two potatoes - found on the side of the road....A bag of apples - my neighbour gave them to me....cup of coffee at the arts centre - free with a voucher....70 craft magazines - given to me....A canvas windbreak - found in a skip....Two pot plants with flowers - found in a rubbish bin....A 20p coin - found....2 wheelbarrow loads of compost - I asked for it....Pieces of timber - I asked for them....Tin of Nivea cream - free sample ....Tube of face cream - free sample....Bag of chocolate biscuits - given to me....Two bags of horse muck - I asked for them....A metre of fabric - given to me....Packet of bread rolls - given to me....A 2p coin - found....Cupboard with a glass front - given to me....Bunch of flowers - found in a rubbish bin....Planter - given to me....Six wooden pallets - I asked for them....Cup of coffee - given to me at Radio Humberside....Free night school classes at the college....Tub of Lurpak spreadable - free with voucher....A 2p coin - found in the street....Three pallets - I asked for them....Four plastic crates from the takeaway - retrieved from skip.... A hard hat - given....A gigantic roll of shrink wrap, used for wrapping palletised loads - I asked for it....A plastic bucket and lid with emulsion paint in it - found in the hedge bottom....A tub of Lurpack spreadable - free with a voucher....Free dental check up....A free tub of golden syrup ice cream, my friend gave it to me....A box of chocolates - my other friend gave it to me....A 1p coin - found in the street....A bag of potatoes, packet of blueberries, packet of tomatoes - my friend gave them to me....A flower pot - found in the hedge bottom....Three plastic crates from the takeaway - retrieved from skip....