Editorial: We Don’t Know Inner Struggles Of Robin Williams, Those Around Us

Wednesday

Aug 13, 2014 at 3:06 AM

Before the ink is dry on the police report, many people are rushing to tell us what they know about Robin Williams, his addictions, his mental illness and his failure to show gratitude the successes his life brought him.

Before the ink is dry on the police report, many people are rushing to tell us what they know about Robin Williams, his addictions, his mental illness and his failure to show gratitude the successes his life brought him.

Most of those people didn’t know him or knew him only as a public figure. That is to be expected, we suppose, in an age of pop psychology and Wikipedia.

That is not to say that good-hearted people who knew him only as a public figure don’t feel real grief at his passing, grief at the loss of a beloved comedian, sadness of a life cut short or deep melancholy at the echoes in their own lives stirred by this death.

It is simply to say we don’t know; nobody knows. We aren’t privy to his last thoughts. We certainly don’t know the details about times in his past, perhaps dozens or scores or hundreds of times, when he dueled with suicide and postponed death for yet another day.

Mr. Williams’ death shows us the Janus face of depression, the two faces the disease may have: in his case, the manic comedy and the desperate tragedy.

So it is with the symptoms of depression. It can encompass feelings of sadness, emptiness and unhappiness, or it can find expression in angry outbursts and irritability, according to the Mayo Clinic.

Some with depression will experience bone-wearying fatigue and refuse to get out of bed. Others will face sleeplessness, anxiety or agitation and be unable to sit still. Changes in appetite, either increased or decreased, can be symptoms, as can unexplained physical ailments like headaches and back pain.

The relationship between substance abuse and depression is likewise complicated. Co-occurring disorders they are sometimes called: mental illness triggered by substance abuse, substance abuse triggered by the overwhelming need to tamp down the symptoms of depression.

All of these contradictions can make it difficult to be around those experiencing major depression.

The slow walking, talking and thinking of a depressed person can be confused with the actions of a lazy person. Someone who is always complaining about vague ailments that doctors can’t explain may seem like a hypochondriac. It’s easy to write off someone who has what seem like temper tantrums. The person who seems fixated on the past, obsessed with imagined faults, weighed down by guilt for things over which she has no control seems self-centered and unwilling to move on.

Someone who discusses death or talks about suicide can be dismissed as an attention-seeking drama hound.

But we just don’t know. We just don’t know all the baggage and all the struggles the people around us, even the people closest to us, face every day.

However, we do know some things about depression. We know it is common. According to the National Institute of Health, depression is one of the most common mental disorders in the U.S. In 2012, an estimated 16 million adults, 7 percent of us, reported at least one major depressive episode in the past year.

Depression isn’t a choice, it isn’t a moral failing, and it isn’t shameful. It also isn’t a punishment. And although the symptoms can leave loved ones frustrated, the people who experience depression don’t need to be judged.

We aren’t trained to recognize the fine distinctions between the blues, depression and a major depressive episode.

But we can try to be patient and listen carefully. We can remind people that there is help and there is no shame in seeking it. We also should try to remember that if sometimes those people cannot reach out for help or if sometimes the help isn’t enough, it’s OK to forgive people who make the final choice and let their peace become our peace.

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If you are considering suicide or facing another crisis, call the Arkansas Crisis Hotline (888) CRISIS2 — (888) 274-7472. You can chat at arcrisis.org from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. Sunday through Wednesday. An in-person intervention service and referrals to other agencies also are available.

You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-8255. You can chat at SuicidePreventionLifeline.com