Being the largest person in the room often makes it hard for me to be confident, and feel secure in myself. Today, tonight actually I went to a dance class, with these amazing women who had these gorgeous bodies and long flowing hair. Two things I don't have at the moment, and I felt so self conscious. As I was doing these sexy moves, I avoided looking at myself in the mirror, because doing so would just make me lose all strength. The dance class is all about loving and embracing your body, and I rarely ever do that. I always tell myself, lose the weight now, then have fun later. But as the class progressed, andy friend looked over at me, asking if I was having fun, I realized that I wasn't. I kept approaching these classes as a transitional period. That I wasn't supposed to really be invested during this time because my heart and mind is to continually look forward to the future--where I'm happy. But as we began to dance freely, I turned to my friends, and I realized that I could just have fun. And then when I was picked for individual dances, and everyone was cheering me on, I didn't care, I felt accepted. By these beautiful, fit people, especially when I'm neither of those things. Tears welled up in my eyes then, and then once again as I am writing this. Something amazing happened to me tonight. I just wanted to share.

Everyone is their our own worst critics, and feelings of low self esteem can really be a prison of the mind. But it feels so good to just let yourself be yourself, enjoying yourself. I think happiness is really one of those things that’s more about the journey than the destination, and choosing whenever possible to embrace and remember that positivity and love for ourselves.

Yes ! I was just about to comment that. Last year I lost a LOT of weight by going to these danceclasses, witch is hilarious because I'm known for my bad rhythm and poor bodycontrol. First 4 classes was just me always five steps behind everybody else and being the biggest in the room, and after months of working out regularly and eating healthy I was one of the "robots". I managed to follow the steps and wasnt the biggest anymore.

Now when I see a big girl i feel so proud and hopeful that they will stick to it and become a part of our group and keep working on the dance steps!

Everybody looks like an idiot the first times they try, it's hard!

But we can't know how big/out of shape/struggelig the other ones was when they began, and most people are just glad that new people are joining, so OP try not to be to self conscious, and rather try to have fun, laugh at yourself when you mess up and try to understand how the other people are doing the steps:)

Yes, when I was overweight I was terrified to go take Zumba even though I wanted to because I didn’t want to be made fun of or feel out of place. But everyone was so nice and welcoming I starting going more abs more and eventually o was going because those ladies expected me and if I didn’t show they would wonder where I had gone.

I think the other thing that should encourage people to go to something like Zumba is that regardless of your level of fitness, there are modified moves that you can ask the teacher to demonstrate. Most instructors will be able to add them in during the class with the other moves. I've asked before for modified moves due to a knee strain issue and she was able to do it during the actual dances along with the regular moves.

If you can't do a certain move, or it hurts, just do what you can. It's still worth it.

Now if only they'd let me do Zumba Gold with the seniors when my tendinitis flares up...30+ with tendinitis counts as a senior, right?

Absolutely. One of my friends runs a Barre class, and a few of our other friends also take it, so I figured I'd give it a shot even though I'm the biggest in our friend group and terrifically uncoordinated and uncomfortable with this sort of thing.

I couldn't walk right for two weeks afterwards, but we had a lot of fun and I went on to finish that session of classes (12 weeks worth) and do the next two sessions.

I have no happy ending, I'm still overweight and working on my eating habits, but I'm so glad I did it.

They are not just in the gym, they are going to be everywhere. Don't pay attention to the people like that anywhere, only listen to the comments of the people you want to be associated with. They may not always say what you want to hear, but it usually is what you need to hear. For the OP, someone pointed out that she did not look like she was having fun.
Let the attention whor** get their attention from their peers, you look to yours.

A person with this POV and attitude is going to be this person no matter where they are - on the street, in the store, at the bar. So why let them prevent you from doing something you want and need to do over fear of judgment when it could happen anywhere?

Hmm, that sucks that those people are doing that, but really, ultimately, you can’t affect what other people may be thinking about... so why worry or care about that?

You do you, and if you want to go to dance class, that’s what you have control over- own it and rock out!

As an overweight girl, I find so much more joy in life in general when I can let go of that self consciousness about what others may be thinking. That fear was there when I was super skinny as a teenager and it’s there now and probably will always be there, even if I lose weight, but I am a lot happier when I acknowledge that fear, sit with it for a minute, then still make my own choice to do something I want to do that moves my life in a healthy direction. Good job OP!

As someone who used to be the (usually) heaviest person in a room, I can say with 100% confidence that mindset is the biggest factor, not your weight.

Now, there can be a correlation between the two. One might be a casual factor in the other. But not always.

It’s certainly possible that you’ll be in a happier mindset if you lose weight but you could also end up unhappier as you may become more self critical than ever. Believe me, I am now far harder on myself lookswise than I was when I was heavier.

So guess what I’m trying to say is that while your weight may have a major impact on how you feel about yourself, losing weight is NOT a guarantee that you will suddenly love everything about yourself either.

So I heartily applaud you for sharing your story about how you realized that you can be positive and embrace things that bring you joy and you have fun doing no matter your shape or size.

I used to attend salsa dance classes despite me (M24) being insecure about body contact and appearance. Having big trouble accepting the role as the ‘leader’ because of it involving me pushing and pulling my partner around to indicate what special sales dance step I decided upon. It is mixture of shame and fear in the contact part. Most of my partners ended up clueless what to do when dancing with me, since my indication wasn’t obvious enough. I’m still working on this department.

And since I am afflicted with a plethora of allergies and what not, which usually expresses themselves in rashes and red/super dry skin. When you dance you could get nice close up view of this exotic face of mine. Nonetheless, I wish I could get rid of it forever. But every once in a while I do not show any of these allergies, still I am as critical as ever of my skin.

I hope you can find some relief in knowing others battle their own personal issues. Even though these things physically change, our own perceived reality could stay the same. It is these moments I try to remember that I can attempt to give myself some relaxation from all of it and just let slide sometime.

I’m happy for OP being in a dancing environment filled with so supportive people! And it is strong of you for still keeping at it and continue dancing _^

You, sir, are on to something. I love salsa dancing. Will tell you right now, NOTHING is as awesome as finding a great salsa partner. You could have two heads that look like Voldemort and smell like over boiled eggs, but if you lead me around like you know what you’re doing, women will insist you dance with them (I know I do!!!)

I think its a great idea to work on your issues through salsa. Youre not just expected to be the lead, you’re required to, and the fact that you get immediate awareness of when your insecurities are showing (your partner lost because direction wasnt strong) will help you “fake it till you make it”. Push, pull, be firm and confident. Its the best place to enjoy it. Its the ONLY place I let any man tell me what to do (other than sexy times with hubby).

As the owner of a bunch of lovely flaky/red/irritated skin (and in a relationship with someone with similar afflictions) I can tell you, nobody cares. Most people know that these things are a) not under our control, b) not an effect of poor hygiene and c) not contagious.

​

I used to be very self conscious about all those red spots, I even used to call myself a red dalmatian because I'd be covered in those spots. It wasn't until someone asked me if I was self conscious about my weight because they never saw me in shorts that I realised a lot of people just don't see/register the rashes and those that do, really don't care.

Can't give you any advice on the leading part.. Apart from what people have already said: The more authoritative you are in your moves, the easier it gets for your dance partner to follow you. I have no clue how to dance, but a good partner can make me look like an expert, because all I have to do is follow your lead.

Agreed, I’m very thin, and have basically always been, I usually sit a couple pounds above the acceptable threshold. I’ve gained a few pounds here and there but me at my highest was about mid-range for my healthy weight. I’m just generally a small individual. I struggled with self image and an eating disorder and I can honestly say that the most hyper critical of myself I have ever been was at my thinnest. I’ve come to embrace my body and that hey my hips will always be ten inches bigger than my waist and regardless of how thin or in shape I am love handles are just going to be a consistent thing and I may never have an ass to speak of but I can look at myself and feel good now. Though it can creep up on me every once in a while I’m generally comfortable in my body how it is and no amount of weight gain or loss could have taught me that.

This is just my personal experience and I know for others it is completely different.

Anyone recovered from or in the throes of an ED, anyone feeling self conscious and like you will never be beautiful, /r/instagramreality is such a massive source of body positivity for me. There are so incredibly few people who have these proportions (and weights!) we idolize. Thousands that do have "that body" are utilising photoshop, facetune, and even posing and angles - no joke!! View the top of all time and see what I mean. It's eye opening.

Something amazing happened alright! You just found the secret to life. Don’t worry about others. Do you. The more you can love and accept yourself in this moment, the more loved and accepted you become. Apply this to everything! Embrace your real self and let it all hang out, you sound wonderful. Being authentic makes you magnetic.

How does that Roald Dahl quote go?

“A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

I appreciate OP's response, but your logic is flawed. Calling something beautiful can only be positive, so you're wrong there. The username wasn't "...anddicksareugly" - that was your own personal bias that you projected, so take responsibility. And frankly it's all the more poetic to call something beautiful that is often denigrated, as vaginas are, so in fact the statement wouldn't make as much sense if it had any mention of male parts. Which again, it doesn't. So it's not sexist just because you feel left out, and it's not dumb because it's actually a provocative statement in a world full of male part owners constantly insisting they are amazing.

So you can ask questions to try to understand, or offer a quasi-intelligent critique, but don't come in here with that trolling nonsense, because it just isn't all about you.

I’m so glad you let yourself have a good time. Your weight does not equal your worth and I think you are damn worthy of dancing with your friends and enjoying yourself.
I recently lost 30lbs and it didn’t have quite the effect I thought it would, I thought changing my size would change my negative body image but I was dead wrong.

I think, you got it the total wrong way. Weight really should never matter when it comes to what a person is worth. And actually, for most of the people that matter most to you, you'll find that it's true. For the rest ... well, there's the occasional assholes. But let's be honest, if somebody wants to be an asshole, they will find something to assholes about. Weight and appearance is just the lowest hanging fruit there is.

However, losing weight is not about increasing worth. If you start out like that, running away from your body in hopes of getting something better, then you'll find yourself in the very same trap, the OP fell I to. You'll deny yourself to have fun and worse, you may end up disappointed when you fail to gain that perfect body that will grant you happiness after all the hard work you've put in physically, mentally, and emotionally. So, I'd say that approach is going to backfire in a more or less spectacular way.

So then, why even bother with weight loss if you shouldn't expect perfection? Well, because you are worth it! Despite your imperfections, you are worth the trouble. Your body is worth the sweat and tears, because ... hey, why not improve on something that's such a wonderful gift?

Personally, flipping that mental switch enabled me to drop a little under 100 lbs permanently. I know, I'll never have the body of a young, professional model. But I don't have to have that. I am happy to have the best body, I realistically can have. That's more than enough for me.

As a guy, who's usually the largest guy in the room usually I did the same thing. Signed up for a random class and went ahead. I was so self conscious the first time. I hated that people could see me. I was in the back so that no one saw me and I couldn't see myself in the mirror. Then after a certain point I forgot about others. I just did. It helps. I had a lot of fun!

You shouldn't use their momentary validation as a reason not to lose weight.

To me this means it's fine to be happy about the validation but that this acceptance from people about her weight doesn't mean she should stop wanting to lose weight.

Maybe you read into it very differently to what was actually written. There is no downside to losing weight and just because some people accept you like that doesn't mean it isn't in your best interest to lose it.

I didn't realise you were a different person and was talking about u/reealcheyenne. I thought you meant the removed comment said that the OP and the people at the dance place were pathetic, not that reealcheyenne was calling others pathetic.

The thing is, regardless of her “accepting” herself.. she wasn’t using it as a crutch or to further justify being overweight/unfit.

This post was literally because she was so happy about not being so self conscious on her journey.

That comment on OP’s post was just facetious and not needed. She already knew she shouldn’t accept her weight how it is, but accepting yourself is a whole other thing. She only wants to improve. That’s why whoever commented came off as an ass hat.

I'm a skinny white boy but I can still try and embrace this lesson. Maybe it's not about being the largest in the room, but sometimes I'd think I was the whitest or the skinnest or a zit or whatever. What good did feeling bad about my appearance do? Nothing positive, I hope I always remember to just have fun and i hope you do too. We are always our own worst critics

In my dance class most people there are average body ranging on the thinner side. There’s one woman who is overweight but she moves so beautifully with so much grace and flexibility. The other week the teachers stopped the class because she wanted us too see how well she was improvising her techniques. You don’t have to be “gorgeous body” to be beautiful, or to dance, or to have fun.

Most beauty comes from within and it sounds like you are well on your way to seeing that you are in fact a beautiful woman. This sounds cheesy and fake but it really is true. If you don’t love yourself and hold yourself high, it’s not too likely anyone else would either. Hold your head high and be confident in knowing that you are important and you are a person that other people love and care about and want to be around! Good for you and keep it up!

I deal with this not in dancing but in my healthier years I was always into weight training. In 2008 I had to undergo a 4 organ transplant what is known as a modified multi visceral transplant in UPMC of Pittsburgh. I had to be gutted like a fish and heal from the inside out, was in the hospital for 2 months before going to a family house in Pittsburgh before returning back home in Western New York to ensure no rejection. I couldn't work out for years believe it or not and steroids like hydrocortisone play havoc on your mind and body. I put on so much weight and when the day came that I could finally hit the gym, my strength was gone and in my small town a few who didn't hear the story, were like, " damn Rog you really let yourself go". Rog being short for Roger. I worked my butt off and began getting back into the routine when my wife decided that everything was too much for her and met another man, divorcing me later and I was just about homeless save for a old work friend took me in, so I fell back out of it again and from there ended up having to have back surgery last October and was just released to go back to the gym. I am not going to lie, this time is going to be tough because with winter being so cold and icy I did not do a lot of walking, I am at my heaviest weight ever and I am kind of intimidated to return back. I always use to help friends and people new to the gym to be encouraged because I was lifting heavy in my youth and loved it, never put anyone down and explained we all start from scratch and it takes time to get to where you want to be. However psyching myself back up is a bit harder, perhaps it's because I just turned 42 or perhaps it's because my friends I began with all are stronger and leaner than me now. I am not sure? I am just really praying that I can convince myself mentally to get back into it, even being the biggest and fattest guy at the Y. I am sorry for posting this on your story, but I am proud of you, I know we do not know one another but be triumphant in who you are and thank you for sharing your amazing story and truth with us. God bless.

Awesome. Just know you rock and you can do this. I lost 100 lbs last year and it feels great to know what I accomplished. It wasn’t always easy, but it was worth it. I read something that I’m going to get tattooed, somewhere. It goes like this. “It’s hard to be fat. It’s hard to exercise. Pick your hard.” Anyway I just wanted to tell you even though I don’t know you, I love you.

To me, body positivity is loving your body no matter what but also loving it enough to want to improve. I think people should love their body on the way to fitness, and even if they're in a period where they can't (mentally or physically) move towards fitness just yet. You only get the one; taking care of it includes mentally as well as physically.

I understand looking towards the future for your happiness, but it's possible to be happy during transitional periods of all types. :) We don't have to be perfect to be happy.

This got a lot more attention than I thought it would! Thank you for kind words everyone, you guys have inspired me, and gave me so much strength and confidence to stay on this journey. And to all the negative comments--whatever, man. And thank you to whoever gave me gold!!!!

So glad that dancing helped you find some joy in what your body can do! Bodies are amazing and should be cherished at all sizes. For more self-love and an awesome time I highly recommend circus or pole classes. They typically have very welcoming and accepting communities. At circus class I am still the same weirdo as ever, but nobody cares and nobody shows me anything but love. I can totally let go and just be me.

My body dysmorphia got much worse after I moved to Colorado from Florida. Colorado is one of the most fit states and I was a size 22-ish and almost always the most obese person in the room.

It's hard to love yourself when there's no one else like you. It's hard for others to like you for the same reason

The thing about waiting to lose weight before you can love yourself is that the love you give yourself will be conditional. You're a person that has a right to exist and the right to have self esteem no matter what. Being the biggest person in a room does not mean you are a person any less deserving of respect.

I'm in a similar situation - bigger female, not confident in myself. Added bonus, all those "beautiful bodies and long flowing hair" females are my friends. I'm constantly surrounded by them and it's magic, honestly. I absorb their confidence and their methods and see how they react. I learn from them because I learned that even though they're SI Swimsuit Model Hot, they still have insecurities like me.

We build each other up now. If I'm down, they pick me up. If they're down, I pick them up. We support one another because that's the right way to live for us.

It sounds like your dance class is doing that with you. They're supporting you and loving you for being happy. Accept it. Embrace it. Bask in it and when it's your turn, return the love to the next person who needs it. You won't ever regret it.

I’m so happy for you! I take Zumba regularly and I have to say that dancing multiple times a week has had a great influence on my mood and mental health. Also, I just want to say- even if it feels like everyone is looking at you, everyone is honestly fixated on themselves in those situations. Shake it, flaunt it, have fun! Everyone is beautiful when they’re smiling and having fun. That’s one of the best parts of class for me! <3

YES!!! Proof that people just love a person who can have a good time!!!! I bet youre a fucking Knock out!! I grew up with girls that were size 4’s and i was a size 9, and i was big, but not what i thought was “big” fuck yeah girl!!!! Fuck yeah for figuring out how to just have fun with your body!! This shit made my day...

As long as you're moving around strenuously for 20-30 minutes and you're enjoying exercising that's all that matters. You'll begin to feel the benefits and even push yourself harder when it feels right for you. Keep going and before you know it you'll be doing things you never thought possible for you, and with that comes justifiable self-confidence.

We are always waiting to be perfect to start living life. Shifting that thought pattern changes things for the better. Love yourself right now as you are. Take care of your body right now as it is. Do the things you want to do now. Don’t wait to lose x lbs or whatever, do it now. We are all worthy, we are all “enough”, no one is “too much” and we all deserve love and to feel confident and respected right now, just as we are.
Good for you, realizing that being in the moment and enjoying yourself is the most important thing you can do for yourself. I love this post.

That’s amazing!! I’m a pole dancer and I often feel that way looking at “pole dancers who are better than me” but then I realized that those people got there via 1) hard work and years of practice and 2) ALL of them also suffer from feelings of inadequacy!! We all struggle to find self love and self acceptance, and I’m so happy you found yours tonight!!! Keep it up and never forget that feeling!!

I just wanted to add a plug here. As an Asian male, this is how I feel all the time. When I see myself, I don't even feel connected to the way I look. I'm ashamed and embarrassed to be an Asian male. Just wanted to let everyone know how years of criticism, stereotypes, and insult can bring someone down.

We have labeled people incorrectly, and I suffer as a result. Who we call Indians in cowboys and Indians, they are Americans. I am an Asian American. White people are European Americans, but for some reason, Europeans call themselves Americans, they call the natives and the land they life in the Indian reserves, and for some reason even if I don't belong in Asia I an called Asian.

It's honestly just sad and depressing. The entire country of USA is founded on the lie that they are "American" when the people and the culture are from other places, cowboy and guitar? It's from Spain into Mexico.

Me? I'm just an Asian who understands that Europeans came and took over the land of the Americas, took the land and the Identity, and yet still treat me as a person from an entire different continent as if they aren't.

We're all immigrants, the original Americans will never be able to restore the culture or their heritage as to what it used to be, but moving forward we can at least have a new identify as neo-Americans whose identify comes from the immigrant past that we all share and finding our own identity in the land we call USA.

But seriously though, it triggers me like no other when my friend is asked about her "Indian Casinos" by a person of European ancestory who calls themselves American, yet the same people call me Asian.

I am not that large but have never been what anyone would call attractive. But I eventually reached an age where I realized this is what I am and this is what I have got to work with. I am never going to look this “good” again (look around, not too many good looking old folks). So, I sing at work if I feel like it even if someone makes a joke about my voice. I make comments like “Well, when you are as good looking as I am.....”

It makes a difference and is very freeing. I am glad you were enjoying the class and enjoying the way your body moves.

This is what people mean when they say that confidence is attractive. You can be thin, thick, tall, short, rich or poor, have wonky teeth or a limp, but none of that matters if you let go and be confident in your ability, or even lack of ability, and just give it your all.

I teach a class like this and this makes me so happy to hear. It makes my night when I have a group of women with different shaped bodies, different ages (from teen to 50+ on a regular basis,) differently abled women and women who without being in class together would never have met or bonded and became friends. When my students make physical progress from the exercise I’m leading them in I’m so proud of them but when they tell me that their confidence is growing it gives me a whole surge of passion to work just that much harder and make my class better and more inclusive for everyone who wants to come.

I don't usually comment on things like this, but i found this beautifully raw, and uplifting. I was once a bigger person, and even though I've lost the weight, i still find myself lacking self-confidence. I realize through your story that maybe it' because i didn't have any confidence when i was larger, and that carried through. So, keep doing you, and im sure that wonderful personality will pull you through, Miss!!!

Simple comment but: awesome!! Very happy for you. Keep it up. Dance and music are beautiful things to inspire, let go and connect. Keep on this path and don't let anyone knock you off it, it's a good one.

I used to do this high intensity cardio class and if I ever see someone who is overweight and new to the class, I'm always really impressed they are there cause it's hard even for me, at 130 pounds and fit. I'm always (silently) cheering them on. Same goes for anyone I see running.

Self care comes from the inside out. Just keep at it, keep on exercising, eat the right amount of healthy food, and the weight loss will follow (if that’s what you’re aiming for). Speaking from experience, lasting change has to come from a place of love. I know “love yourself” is kinda tacky, but it’s important to make real changes for the better.

I love this. I hope that you keep going to class! I’m a dancer and not amazing but pretty good. I’m a huge believer that dance is for every body. Trust me when I say most people in a dance class are extremely accepting and the least non judgmental people you’ll meet. (Obviously we are talking adult dance classes, can’t say the same for young students at studios, they’re pretty good too but it’s a bit more competitive just based on age and kids wanting to be the best)

Anyway, I digress. I just want to say that dancing is for you, it’s not for anyone else. As long as you’re having fun in the moment is all that matters. Use that hour to become someone else, dance sexy and own it! But also dance is a community and you can feed off others energy in the class and it’s a wonderful feeling.

Wish you the best and hope you keep up this positive and confident mindset :)

This is beautiful. Exercise is all about accepting yourself and pushing yourself to be better. I’m so glad you had this experience.

Most people have a belief that other people will laugh at them or make fun of them because they are out of shape, but that is not the case! Most people would gladly help you if you asked (and maybe a new lifting partner)

Dancing is literally all about expressing yourself. shake what ya momma gave ya.

I love this:) I’ve always been big, and spent the first 25 years of my life on diets, hating myself, always making plans to do things once I’m skinny. But I finally realized that I wasn’t living life in the moment, and that the day that I was skinny enough may never come, so I worked on changing my feelings about myself instead. I’m not oblivious to the fact I’m big, but I don’t let it dictate how I live my life, and I know I deserve to be happy with myself no matter what I look like. I remember when I was at my thinnest, I hated myself more than I do at my heaviest. Because I had an all or nothing attitude-I had to be 120, 135 was not enough, and I didn’t deserve to be happy until I hit that magic weight. Now I’m sad at how I treated myself back then, and I refuse to let my weight control my life. And when I stopped obsessing over it, it was easier to lose it when I tried.

Now I don’t walk into a room checking every girl for one who’s bigger than me, I don’t get scared to eat in public, or to exercise or show myself love in front of others. I know for health reasons that I need to lose weight, I’m not blind, but I can’t let it be my main focus or my self-esteem will plummet. I hope that makes sense, and that you keep shaking it and rocking out in your dance class, have fun and don’t think of what anyone else looks like. Live your life in the moment and enjoy!

Yaaayyyyy!!! As a fat person who hates my body but is able to do things anyway, I’m so happy for you!!! I’ve been in a group for overweight people and know how our brains fuck with us. So super Yayyyyyy!!!!

I was totally thinking the wrong thing when reading 'largest person'. I am also the largest person in almost every room despite weighing only 85kg being 2.07m tall. Very similar problems though as no woman can dance with me without it being awkward.

I'm glad your story had a happy ending. However, in the nicest way possible - do not let other people's acceptance of your current physicality deter you from living a healthier lifestyle and eventually shedding that weight.

Have you considered pole fitness? I joined an aerial and pole fitness gym nearly 3 years ago now and everyone is lovely and nobody cares what size you are. I'm generally the smallest in the room, so I have no boobs and additional baggage about my stomach (3 kids in 5 years was not kind to it) but we all have things we'd change if we could. The biggest change I've seen is in my confidence and I know that's the same for a lot of people

I think you learned a valuable lesson! Happy for you! I think it was Byron Katie who said: " I can hell myself or heaven myself."
People accept us to the same degree we accept ourselves. There's nothing more beautiful than self love.

Dancing and singing is so cathartic for me and my parents always teased me to draw unwanted attention to me when I ever expressed myself in that way. I didnt sing or dance for years due to self-consciousness until I met my now fiance and I forgot how good it felt to just... dance. To sing. And he sings with me!

Let this be a way that you acknowledge how capable and strong your body is. The world around you is not entitled to you looking a certain way. Dance the anxiety out. Shout and sing your favourite song! Be yourself and know that you deserve fun and happiness no matter what.

Body positivity isnt about saying "fat women are the true real women" (whatever the hell "real women" means - none of us are fictional). Its about "I am no lesser than others because of my weight, I am also worthy". Any person can exchange "my weight" for whatever society tells them to hold back.

Be you. As a fellow large woman... the happiness can come before the weight loss. I promise.

I completely understand the "lose weight now, have fun later" mindset. I've cancelled and worried about so many things in my life because I don't like my body. Plans made in advance automatically make me think "i could lose X amount of pounds before that" And when I am doing fun things I can't pay attention because my mind is swimming with thoughts about my body. Well done to you for winning that day.

it took me a long time to understand that I can create and control my own happiness. it takes work, patience, and persistence, but you can do it. Now I'm not saying I'm always happy, haha farrrr from it!

I've learned to be happy along the way, I guess is what I mean. You can have an end-goal, or a never ending goal if you want, and still enjoy the moment and the journey there. It sounds like you did that tonight. I am really happy for you and that you had such an experience.

You are thinking way too into this. Do you have Asian heritage meaning lineage as in grandparents and great grandparents who are of Asian descent? If so. You’re Asian. Being fat you can change that. You can lose weight you can’t lose genes. Or if you could I’d be seriously concerned.

It’s seriously crazy how many insecurities women (and some men) are programmed with by our appearance-obsessed society. I’ll bet you anything that many if not most of the thin women in the room were worried about their nose or hair or what have you and not paying any attention to your weight. I just had a woman in yoga class tell me she wished she looked like me because I’m thin and blond, yet I had spent the whole time wishing I had her dark olive skin. Mine is pale and freckly and when I think about the time I’ve wasted just hating myself, not going to the beach, refusing to look in the mirror, wishing I looked like literally anyone else... it’s just such a waste. I used to think my whole life would be different if I had “normal” skin. Finally I had someone tell me, “how boring would it be if we all looked the same?” Be proud of your curves, focus on what your body can do and not what it looks like, just like you’re doing. Thanks so much for the inspirational story. I don’t know you, but I’ll bet you looked beautiful dancing with the strong spirit that shone through your post.

I'm glad that you were able to overcome that feeling that you had to hold back until 'future' you arrived.

So many people hold off on things because they don't feel worthy of appreciating them right now. But the future is not guaranteed. Do not cheat yourself out of enjoying life right now because you don't feel your body is worthy. It is worthy, whether you are a size 2, 22 or 32. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you are enjoying your life today.

I can't tell you how many times I avoided things or held myself back as a teen because I felt like I was too fat to enjoy an experience. Well looking back now I feel so bad for denying myself the experience. Life goes by so fast and you never know if tomorrow is guaranted. So enjoy today because that is all you have.

Plus other people's beauty does not detract from your own. Everyone is unique and their own person. What one person sees as beautiful another person may not see. We may be praising and pinning for someone elses beauty while someone else is pinning for our own.

It's not going to be easy, but trying to overcome the mentality of being the biggest person in the room is probably the hardest thing. I used to feel that way. I don't anymore, but the only thing that has changed is my mindset. Most people don't even notice. They are too worried about what they are doing in the class or have their own issues they are fighting.

This is wonderful and no one should put having fun on hold! I believe in body positivity but also body autonomy (don’t let others influence what you think your body should be). If you do approach weight loss, it’s so much healthier when you already love and appreciate yourself. I don’t think weight loss coming from a place is hatred will ever be healthy.

I was listening to a book called Everybody Lies which analyzes search engine data. Long story short an in depth analysis of google searches show that everyone’s too worried about their own bodies to judge others.

Here is what is awesome, you have been loveable the whole time!!!!!! I bet you are beautiful! I’m so glad those fit folks had the grace to make you feel included. Remember, you don’t know their stories, they may have been in a larger body at one time feeling bad about themself too. They may know your journey. They may have always been thin but been abused or rejected. But skinny or fat, fit or fluffy, you ARE loveable because you are you no matter what. And that is a good thing.

Well done, that's exactly the way to go!! I've been struggling with depression my entire grown up life. At some point I realized that by always concentrating on getting rid of the depression, I was pushing my life ahead of me and letting myself be controlled by the disease. I accepted that it may never go away, and started doing all the things a had been dreaming of doing as best I could, thinking that life is happening right now, and may end at any moment. Although I'm still depressed, I found a way of being happy at the same time. Actually, dancing has been a huge part of my journey. :) Oh, and one of the best dancers I know is always the largest in the room, by far. He's super popular and has been asked to give workshops teaching his awesome, sexy, personal style. You do you, and enjoy yourself! You deserve to be happy both now and later!

I used to tell myself the same thing: Get thin first, then you can do all the fun stuff thin people do.

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In the end what happened is that I learned to have fun and enjoy life despite not being thin... and the next thing that happened is that I actually lost the weight. (BMI went from 33 to 27, so not exactly thin but I'm fine with it and long term working on getting under 25)

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Love yourself and the rest will come.. You'll see what is truly important to you and if it is that weight loss, it'll happen. It is so much easier to be on a diet, when that extra chocolate cookie is just a chocolate cookie and doesn't symbolize everything that's failing in your life.
In addition once you start living it up, you're automatically doing more things. You don't turn down that hike you really want to do because you're worried you'll just slow down the group, you'll go dancing again, you'll go out to the beach and do some swimming, etc.. It leads to a more active life style which'll also encourage weight loss by itself.

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Obviously YMMW, but for me the one and almost only step was to allow myself to do all the things I want to do even though I was fat and it looks like you've just crossed that step! I'm rooting for you!

I was in a dark place a couple years ago and started forcing myself to go to workouts that were out of my comfort zone. I also could not look at myself in the mirror because I hated how awkward I was, how I looked, and just general shame in “forcing my presence” on others. It took me a long time to turn around and tell those thoughts to shut up and be able to find room to let myself be happy and enjoy something.

It's awesome that you're putting yourself out there! It takes a lot of courage to put yourself in a situation that will make you feel self conscious, but totally worth it in the name of self improvement. It sounds like your class has a great group of people that are excited to watch you succeed, which is a huge plus. I hope your happiness continues to grow, life is too short not to love yourself and be proud of your achievements.

You're already doing so well in getting fit. For starters, you're exercising - dance class!! Sounds so fun! And you have friends to go with you! What a dream. The weight will drop off. I really relate to what you said about craving the future, I fantasize about the day I'm finally skinny and diet and diet and diet and I'm still fat. If I quit though, that future will never be a reality and I would get fatter. If we all lived in the future, our life will pass us by and we will never be happy. Live in your now, with your friends, dancing, all those natural endorphins... and sod everyone else!

Totally feel this post. I’m the largest girl in my dance class. But after 6 months of going, I’m not the newest any more. I have the muscle memory. I know the next step (sometimes). I have improved my breathing, movements and versatility. I feel like I’m a seasoned Zumba fiend and love my Monday night class. I always come back feeling pumped.

Before going, I was scared. And I missed classes at the beginning out of laziness as I was aching, hurt my knees and back, and I was absolutely shattered. But now, I’m trying to get faster than the others in the room, jumping - actually jumping - and going straight into squats. Before I would kinda lift my heel off the ground when everyone else would jump, but now I can actually jump.

You don’t notice the improvements as they happen, but when it clicks how much you can do now vs your first class, you can own that feeling and keep the momentum to keep improving coming!

I’m still the largest in the room. I was 300lbs + in my first class. I’m less now. But I’m faster than newbies. I lead certain moves and love it when people say ‘you have good rhythm’ or say they are following my steps. Improving yourself is such a good feeling. I wish I never masked it so long with immediate rush when I would over eat food. But that was then, this is now.

We can all get down on ourselves for a myriad of reasons but once you let go and realize that nobody else cares you can truly enjoy yourself and your life! I am so glad to hear that you are making steps in this direction!

Yay! That's amazing that you're being proactive and making changes to feel better in your own skin. I've struggled with body image issues my whole life, so i can definitely relate. But remember something, just because the other people in the dance class seemed beautiful to you, doesn't mean they feel beautiful when they look in the mirror. We are all going through struggles, so feel comfortable knowing you're not alone! 😁🤗😍

I love dance because of how it makes me feel and that I feel like most of the moves have nothing to do with weight. I'm pretty heavy myself but did zumba for years (fell off the wagon and then got pregnant and have no energy now lol one day I'll go back though !) And the more you go the better you get. It's not like yoga or some other weights classes where you constantly have to modify because your belly/boobs get in the way. In fact I think sometimes being bigger is better in dance because you have more ass to shake !!! I love watching videos of bigger girls twerking, they do it way better than the skinny ones (not that there is anything wrong with being skinny. And some skinny twerkers have a big old booty too so it's so varied!!) But dance loves all bodies, imo

Im happy you had a revolution in accepting who you are, I'v had those myself for other reasons and know how awesome it is to find a new perspective that is so hidden util you reach it, good for you.

I'm also sad for you, that you describe the rest of your life in that negative manner.
I'v never felt that badly about my life, maybe for a time when I was bullied in school for 3-6 years depending on what I remember of the time, but I dont think I it felt as bad as you are describing it.

I know you know this, but I also know that there are no miracles in life, there is just challenges, hardwork and success that gives people happines.
Without challange we would all just kill ourself, without hard work we woulnt know struggle and have no furfillment. Without success furfillment would get boring too.

Loosing weight, beeing healthy and beeing happy is not something you are.. those are challanges everyone who have accieved them put in hard work every day to have.
Anyone who is healthy can change that in 30 days if they just start eating everything they want.
Everyone would be fat too
And happiness would be less and less frequent of a mindstate when your body is unhealthy and you feel bad about yourself on a consistant basis.

Everything comes down to hard work, not the most talented guy in any field who has ever lived accieved that by pure luck or talent, hard work is what creates happines and accieves goals and success.

Hard work never ends, and every little choise becomes raging storms eventually.
Dont win or fail, do a little better then you did yesterday everyday and eventually youll be transformed, mind body and soul.

Find that joy and hang onto it! That's what will keep you coming back and make a healthy dance routine a habit! I'm a big believer that if you don't enjoy what you're doing for exercise (or at least how you feel afterwards) then you're doing it wrong and need to try something new, until you want to do it for the activity, not the calories burned!

Im a Virtual Reality developer and i want to say there is a joy in motion. Dont worry about what you look like, think about how the motions make you feel. I look like a damn goof playing VR, but it feels like a transcendant experience, in part because i stopped worrying if i looked cool doing it.

Disgusting. Lose weight. It's a crime against both the universe and nature of existence to trash your body how you have. The human body is an utterly amazing thing and you destroy it in an attempt to satiate your vain, never-ended appetetive desires.

I grew up with a mom who was really big and was always so ashamed, even though she hid it well. It always felt like she missed out on so much- massages, dancing, good meals, because of the fight with her body. She was pretty happy, but I wanted more for her.

Be happy from within for yourself and give zero fucks about what others think. It’s sooo freeing. Eat healthy food only and stay active. Surround yourself with positive inclusive non judgmental people. You are beautiful too!

There are always going to be people who judge you because of your size, you can't do anything about them. If I see someone who is having a good time, laughing, enjoying themselves, I notice that, I don't notice if they are fat or thin or whatever. I love seeing people happy and having a good time! I think most people are like that.

I'm an average sized man so I can't relate, but I want to tell you something I saw a few weeks ago

I went to a local amateur tennis tournament to support my girlfriend. There was one black woman there, she was easily 260 pounds of pure blubber, at 6 feet so I assumed she felt the same way as you - but she did not show it, it was a curiosity. As the show went on, I aquainted myself with another fellow who happened to be her brother. It turns this girl had lost 100 pounds over the past year. He told me how proud he was watching his sister moving, working for what she strives, trying her hardest, and having a great time. I think the lesson here is that if you set small goals for yourself, you work towards them and acheive them, confidence will find its way to you in the form of positive self perception, and it won't be long before others see you the same way. As Bruce Wayne's father told his son, "The reason we fall is so we can learn to pick ourselves up."

I can relate to this. When you said, "... these amazing women who had these gorgeous bodies and long flowing hair. Two things I don't have at the moment..." it totally crushed me. It took me a long time to snap out of that mindset. I spent so much of my life hating my body because I was taught that my body wasn't a dancer's body. That. Is. Wrong. Every body is made for dance. You should keep going to this class and other body positive classes as much as you can and keep that revolutionary feeling going. I think you can call it empowerment! Little by little empowerment will become a part of you and not something you can only access in very specific situations. You'll start to stand up for yourself more because you'll realize that you deserve to take up space! I'm the heaviest I've ever been but I'm the happiest I've ever been because I taught myself how to love myself where I am at in that moment. I can give you more tips if you're ready!

Oh wow, I'm so glad you know my life. I've been losing weight in a healthy and steady way for two years. 100 pounds down, 32 to go until my BMI is medically perfect. I'll always have curves and big tits. Big women can be beautiful and healthy.

As a man I like women with fit bodies. Be sure to downvote me because it does not support the unhealthy desires of the original poster. Or if you’re a girl that supports science and health give me a big thumbs up! We want to support heath and truth for all of us.

As a dickhead I like to interject my thoughts into threads completely irrelevant to what was originally being said. Be sure to downvote me because it does not support my irrelevant, dickish comments as relating to the original post. Or if you're just a fellow dickhead who likes to put negative spin on positive posts give me a big thumbs up! We want to support put-downs and shaming against all of us.

You seem to have spent a lot of time on your response. I respect that honey! What I’m personally researching for my doctorate (_) is what kind of guys attract you? I want you to be explicitly detailed as I know you need to be. Please DM and help me out. I promise I love you sister -💜😇

Okay. So you’re willing to separate your factual knowledge about the unhealthiness of obesity to make someone who is suffering and willing to change complacent in their unwillingness and nihilism? I have two questions for you. 1) how do you sleep at night enabling the destructive nihilism of someone who truly wants to be healthy and happy? 2) Do you feel that the nature of death makes you able to ignore the effects of someone willing to give into their instinctual behavior to eat more calories than they can process?? Looking forward you your measured, logical, and non-emotional response :3

Dude, she was at a dance class; she's obviously trying to improve her health. How did you think you chiming in with "I like girls smaller than you" was in any way going to be helpful? Or did you really just come here to bring everyone down?

You. Are. Amazing. Don’t let you tell you otherwise. I did this on my first day of my first spin class and decided after actually listening to the instructor I needed to get the hell out of my head and appreciate that I got up, I pushed myself and I’m stronger today than yesterday. Don’t compare. I’ll reiterate. Do NOT compare yourself. You are amazing. You remember that and don’t listen to what you think anyone else ever thinks because everyone has to start at the beginning. It’s hard. It’s work. It’s worth it. You’re worth it. You’re always worth it! Love yourself. You are awesome girlfriend.

IT IS OKAY TO LOVE YOUR BODY NOW. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE FUTURE TO LOVE IT, HAVE FUN IN IT, BE CONFIDENT IN IT OR FEEL BEAUTIFUL IN IT. YOUR BODY IS YOURS. EMBRACE THE SHIT OUT OF IT ALWAYS. IT IS THE ONLY ONE YOU GET. IT IS A GOOD ONE

You don’t have to start losing weight in the future or plan it. If you feel uncomfortable in your body just start now. I do not know How big you are but being obese can lead you to several health complications and in some cases even death. You shouldn’t embrace that.

I saw a belly dancing demo at a fair once. Most of the troupe were large women, the largest probably well over 300 lbs and very tall. One was young and fit.

The larger women were obviously professionals; with the largest woman doing amazing movements. The thinner woman was obviously new and not terribly good, despite being conventionally “hot.”

The crowds of people cheered and screamed and went wild for the dancers, and it was a thing to see. They cheered the most for the bigger woman, the least for the smaller. It wasn’t about appearance, it was about skill. That was an amazing lesson to learn.

And in many kinds of dancing, being bigger can be an advantage, technically - either due to reach, or inertia, or to movements looking larger and more impressive. I know quite a few large women and men who became pros in dancing and are very cool to see. Especially when the people watching especially to get more into technique and technical aesthetics than just the dancer's looks.

(that said, if you get reeeally into dancing, it'll most likely make you thinner to some extent, it's great exercise because, since it's enjoyable, we do it for hours without getting bored, different from e.g. gym training)

I don’t care about being downvoted, it’s just a weird thing for people to downvote? Did the “I’m just concerned about your weight” brigade stop by? Shit, reddit just hates fat people being happy and athletic. Well, suck it, assholes

So you’re heavy and you probably don’t have any thyroid problems. You’re probably a food addict and have no self control over your eating, hormones are probably imbalanced and you’re at a high risk of diseases. Body positivity is for people will permanent ailments not people who can’t control what they put in their mouth.