After last week’s vote, Shirin was worried that she might have an annoying personality. Oh, sweetie. That’s not a Survivor problem. That’s probably a LIFE problem. Her naivete was almost cute.

Over at the other camp, Rodney was making fun of Mike for being religious and, apparently, celibate for eight years. This guy. He wants all women to be chaste, but all men to be players. How exactly is that supposed to work? I guess he hasn’t run the math. As expected, Rodney developed a pretty hardcore bromance with Joaquin (Joaq? Guac?) because they’re both all about “girls” and “partying”. I hate these people.

For the Reward Challenge, players had to use a slingshot to launch sandbags and hit targets. It was based in skill rather than strength, and gave the red tribe a chance to win. Yay! They got to enjoy a picnic of seemingly random foods (mac ‘n cheese, beef stew….because those things go together) and then they got to watch majestic turtles lay their eggs. COOL.

This was pretty much the last we saw of the red tribe this week.

Over on the blue tribe, Sierra was winning over Joaquin but that meant working with his new BFF Rodney as well. Oh, Sierra. How did you end up bonding with the biggest misogynist of your new tribe mates?

Rodney was feeling threatened by beautiful, strong Joe (and rightly so), so he told Mike they should throw the Immunity Challenge. No! No no no no no. I hate when tribes throw challenges. This is only acceptable when you have Brandon Hantz on your tribe and you are legitimately worried that you may be murdered in your sleep.

Mike said that he’s not usually down to throw a challenge, but that he wants to protect his alliance-mate Kelly on the other tribe. He is a FOOL to trust someone else in the game that much. I don’t trust anyone in my LIFE that much. Watch your own back, man!

The Immunity Challenge was a memory game, and Mike just so happened to be paired up with Kelly. Not once, but TWICE, Mike got the answer wrong on purpose, and Kelly blew it. And she calls herself a cop? Clearly, she is no Sherlock, because her visual memory was the pits. Mike was being so obvious that I was sure his tribe was onto him. That was a risky, unnecessary move.

Rodney wanted to throw the challenge to vote out Joe, but in fact Mike had other plans. He thought the power couple of Rodney and Joaquin was more dangerous than beautiful loner Joe. I agree, though I still don’t think it was worth throwing a challenge.

This split meant that Sierra found herself in the position of swing vote, with members of her old Blue Collar tribe on both sides. Rodney or Dan, Rodney and Dan… they’re both such colossal jerks.

“Close your mouth, listen with your ears and just watch what happens”, Dan told Sierra. Wow, that guy really knows how to get through to a woman! Shut up, Dan. SHUT UP FOR INFINITY.

Despite Dan being a bozo, I thought Sierra’s right move was to agree to vote out Joaquin. (Though, wouldn’t it have been glorious if they’d voted out Rodney instead?) Dan is insufferable, sure. But Mike is alright, and his main alliance is with Kelly. And in the meantime, Sierra could buddy up with Joe and hope that she can get in with the No Collars come merge. It was a much safer bet than being the third wheel on Rodney and Joaquin’s honeymoon.

Sierra made the right move, and Joaquin was legitimately blindsided. Ha! Here’s hoping Rodney’s not far behind. Next week, a MERGE! It seems a bit early, but that’s OK – it’s Sierra’s best chance at sticking around. Maybe she can team up with Joe, Hali and Jenn.