Saturday, April 22, 2006

Smokey BBQ Doritos

(Scene One: Archie Randolph Ammons was born in 1926 on his family's small lights come up. Lou Reed and Auden are sitting in the Eastern Europe. OHHHH HOMEY FUCK ME aaaahhhhaaaaaahh aaaaahhhhhaaaaa aaaaaaaaaha. Lou Reed is trying to explain something to Auden and Tarzan by drawing diagrams on a blackboard)

Lou Reed: (points to elaborate diagram) Smokey BBQ Doritos! I miss these more than any other food that hasbeen taken off the market! These were my favoritechips EVER!! BRING THEM BACK!!!

Auden: I support this petition. Please bring back thesmokey bbq doritos...I will purchase them in bulk.

Lou Reed: I support this petition. Please bring themback...I would buy them in bulk.

Auden: I support this petition. i ate these chipseveryday in high school!

Tarzan: (getting up from Eastern Europe) Who the fuck carries a machete unless you live in the jungle? Still, for many, doritos remain mysterious. One of major source for Tarzan poetry is silence, all that's not spoken about. So the silences in Tarzan culture -- Tarzan think, in a way, doritos sucked out of us by magnetic attraction of that silence.

(Scene Two: They are having drinks at the chapbook. They walk around with their salami hamocks swinging alongside Mickey Mouse and the Japanese characters. At the University, the woman would tell her colleagues about Tarzan, who is delicately fondling a pastry. Auden and Lou Reed are arm-wrestling on top of Archibald MacLeish, who is on all fours).

Tarzan: Tarzan write each poem as a kind of trial of possibility. Tarzan love idea of received space. It never occurred to build own house But Tarzan love to fit into existing space. Here, as before, unfailing knack for finding precise dorito or anecdote that capture bravado, shame, and superstition that mark boyhood.

Auden: if you bring these chips back i promise i will gobuy a crap load of them!

Lou Reed: PLEASE BRING EM BACK!

Auden: Oh my gosh! I fell in love with this chip so longago and to this day I cant get them off my mind!they were sooooo good with jalepno dip! they wereso good! Pleeease bring them back!

Lou Reed: These chips with Jack and Cokes are simply unreal.

Auden: THE BEST CHIPS EVER

(Another silence ensues. Lou Reed creeps up behind Auden, who is thinking intently "Nice tomeet u, i'ma big BOT fucker!" and brains him with a copy of the Maximus poems)

Tarzan: (shocked) Farkette BioGoddess' boyfriend moved to Australia for nine months and now wants to "see other people."

16 comments:

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If I worked at Frito-Lay, I would be very, very afraid of crossing Lou Reed by leaving BBQ Doritos off the market. Lou may be 64, but I'm sure he can still kick ass. Imagine being some washed-up Frito-Lay executive, and having to wear one of those "Lou Reed kicked my ass, and all I got is this lousy T-shirt" shirts. How humiliating!