eternal UTI + denial of denial

I reaaaally want to write about manifestation and justice. How they are NOT in opposition and how to work with both to create the world we want. But the fact is, I’ve had a friggin’ UTI for 6 weeks and that feels more pressing.

Pressing! Get it? #bladderinfectionpuns

Ok, so why the hell should you care about my UTI?!

Because it’s probably happening to you too. Not the UTI (I mean yeesh, I hope not) but what I was doing during these 6 long weeks. Even though my life and work are focused on awareness, I was ignoring myself.

I’ve created a life where I get to move a lot slower than I did in NYC. I’m in nature — feeling the desert breeze each day (right now as I write this, in fact), gawking at the night sky, reveling in the blazing sun. I’ve got time/space to be in my body. It’s awesome.

AND…

I was adrenal zapped from my last program launch (live and learn) but kept pushing because I wanted to zoom into the next project w/o refilling my well.

My beloved catbaby, Lemon, disappeared during my launch and then we found his remains 3 weeks later and my husband and my hearts broke into a billion little pieces. I’d told myself he was on an adventure. I actually believed it.

I decided to do some weight lifting (with a trainer) because I was ready to feel stronger already dammit c’mon but I overdid it and created a major setback in my body healing (pelvic displacement got me like…).

Bigotry and racism are streaming from the White House and down Main Street USA, surfacing so much pain/shadow individually and collectively.

My adrenal zappage and thus lowered immune system turned into my 6-week UTI that I tried to heal naturally (which has worked for me many times), but not this time. Cue kidney inflammation. Cue antibiotics ($5 in Mexico / #healthcareforall).

AND OH HAIII crazy ass exhaustion that goes with being infected when I really just want to feel energized and in the flow and launching my next group program already.*

+ living through Mercury Retrograde and Eclipse Season (and a handful of other intense astrological happenings)…

You can likely see the pattern.My body was giving me serious clues about her needs and I was selectively listening. I was in denial. I was cookin’ up some seriously old stories about needing to be somewhere else along my path.And when my husband would try to point this out, I’d shush him by taking a few hours to myself I’m-great-leave-me-alone style.

Really, I was in denial of denial. Whoa. Yeah.

We’re biological, emotional and symbolic creatures. We have a lot of contradictions to constantly maneuver through just by existing. We’re not gonna always get it right.

And it’s not negative to see what’s really happening. To observe it. To feel it. To learn from it. To grow. To peel yet another layer back on an old limiting story.

It’s when we get so tied up in our own delusions, our old stories, the judgments of ourselves and our emotions that we feel separate from our own divinity.

Contrast is a harsh and radical teacher. Ask yourself…

\\ What are you denying right now?

\\ What part of your body, your life, your reality is talking to you loud and clear, but you are being SO good about not listening but looking/acting like you are listening?

\\ What old story may be playing that’s just not true, but you believe it is? I promise it’s holding you back. Bring it to the surface, baby.

You don’t have to dwell on the painful emotions and allow them to take you all the way down.

But you do have to take responsibility for what you feel and the reality you create with your old beliefs. This is the not-so-secret secret to your rising.

Look, I’m a great coach.

Like really, really good at what I do. I am solidly #teamdana. And still, there are times that I trip and fall and land face down in the mf dirt.

The greatness lies in that I know how to get up. Quickly. Consciously. Loving myself more on the other side.

You can too. Notice denial. Be tender and patient with it. With yourself.
PS I’m participating in this awesome workshop “Practice Showing Up: Toward a Spiritual White Anti-Racism” and they just opened up another time because they full up!! Join me!

* If you’re interested in learning more about my upcoming group coaching program (limited to approx 15 amazing humans) where we’ll focus on radical shake ups in your work, life, and love, email me and let me know! Even just a quickie “Hey, I’m interested!” works!