BARRY BONDS INDICTED; LOOK! IT’S A-ROD!

Barry Bonds, baseball's all-time home run king*, yesterday was indicted by a federal grand jury on four counts of being a lying sack of shit and one count of obstruction of justice. And yeah, I know the courts have to do the whole "due process" thingy, but I'm just going to go ahead and save myself some "allegedlys" and call the asshole guilty. Mmm, that feels good. GUILTY! Try it out yourself.

So when the most cherished career mark in baseball belongs to a guy who's going to federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison, that's bad for the game, right? No! In fact, according to commissioner Bud Selig, the game of baseball is healthier than ever! Why, just look at A-Rod re-signing with the Yanks! And hey! Jake Peavy won the Cy Young!

…Seriously, though: A-Rod has to have done something since yesterday afternoon to trump this. Did he and his wife go to a swingers party? Did he punch out Scott Boras? Get announced as the MVP? Throw out some bad milk? Dammit, A-Rod! Give Selig something to work with. This Bonds thing isn't gonna go away until A-Rod holds a press conference. A press conference to read his grocery list? Sure, that'll work.

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He just needs to get an OJ jury and he'll be fine. Is think this trial is going to take place in San Francisco, so he has good odds of getting the "right" jury. Of course it's going to cost him endless cash. Hope he's been saving his money.

By: devang

11.16.2007 @ 10:03 AM

<i>federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison</i>

The inmates will have so many holes to choose from. So many glory holes, so much time to explore each one.

By: devang

11.16.2007 @ 10:04 AM

Damn tags. I forget WL's a little bit more advanced the the rest of the ham fisted mongoloid bloggers.

By: doogieinrichmond

11.16.2007 @ 10:05 AM

Beautiful job 289! It was a awesome night last night! A-Rod signed with my boys, Barry is going to "Federal Pound me in the ass prison" (Office Space), and I got a blow job with out having to pay for it! So what if I had to get it from my Gina Blow up doll, but it was FREE!

By: Smello Redux

11.16.2007 @ 10:09 AM

And Derek Jeter is a tax evader.

So…A-Rod is the savior & Jeter is the criminal. I think my world just spun off it's axis.

By: Pauly

11.16.2007 @ 10:11 AM

Greg Anderson's hole in the desert is being dug right now by Bobby Bonilla.

/The Killer B's are back baby!

By: Smello Redux

11.16.2007 @ 10:11 AM

its not it's

I might be in touch with my ham fisted mongoloidness, but it's no excuse for bad grammar.

By: Godflocks

11.16.2007 @ 10:16 AM

Jeter's calm-eyed presence will lead the jury to a not guilty verdict.

By: Mark

11.16.2007 @ 10:17 AM

LOL the photo(shop), brilliant!

And … Barry a liar? I'm shocked. Shocked!

By: phony gwynn

11.16.2007 @ 10:19 AM

Does anybody know where that "Federal pound me in the ass prison" quote is from? Anybody? Anyone at all?

By: Godflocks

11.16.2007 @ 10:23 AM

@phony gwynn

Scroll up.

By: WeakSideWing11

11.16.2007 @ 10:23 AM

A-Rod's Grocery List:

1. Milk

2. Break

3. Gerbill Food

4. AstroGlide

5. Ex-Lax

6. Gold Bond

7. Men's Health Magazine

8. Cock

By: BigO

11.16.2007 @ 10:34 AM

Godflocks, Phony's comment just went right over your head. FWOOOOSH!

As for Bonds, the more time I see his steroid-blown head behind bars, the better.

Oh, if anyone got up early enough I hope you saw Stephen A. Smith's two cents on this issue. Completely opposed to his normal TV persona, he managed to make this seem like a race issue! Shocked! Shocked I say!

By: Careless

11.16.2007 @ 10:40 AM

Someone's prison rec baseball team is about to have one hell of a season.

By: alumnigonzo

11.16.2007 @ 10:43 AM

That picture is tremendous. Just tremendous 289.

By: Sub-Zero

11.16.2007 @ 10:46 AM

god im happy this fuck might go to jail. GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY

By: TimmyDaToof

11.16.2007 @ 10:48 AM

Excellent work on the picture.

It's a shame that MLB probably won't take the record away from Bonds b/c after all, he technically has hit the most HRs ever. I'm only rooting for A-Rod to break Bonds record b/c he'll have done it by swallowing jizz, not steroids.

By: ChrisP

11.16.2007 @ 10:48 AM

Great pic. If A-Rod actually did that, he might earn a few fans.

By: Tim

11.16.2007 @ 10:48 AM

Imagine being prison lover #1 one going for a reach-around only to find tiny shriveled up genitalia. Steroids!

By: Pauly

11.16.2007 @ 10:55 AM

@Tim

And you trying making love looking at a back full of pot marks from the roid zits.

By: Sub-Zero

11.16.2007 @ 11:35 AM

A-Rod is amazing, hell probably win a few world series before his career is over and be dubbed the best ever. As buck would say: Boo-YAh!!!!