Forum » Topic: Prescott dumps everything to cap oil-spillhttp://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8409
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Alan Sundry on "Prescott dumps everything to cap oil-spill"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8409#post-22616
Tue, 13 Jul 2010 08:10:18 +0000Alan Sundry22616@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Great headline!
</p>edward hack on "Prescott dumps everything to cap oil-spill"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8409#post-22614
Tue, 13 Jul 2010 07:43:31 +0000edward hack22614@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>In the latest attempt to stop oil flowing into the Gulf of Mexico, BP executives have turned to former Labour heavyweight Lord Prescott of Ull for help.<br />
Engineers have come up with a plan to use one of the former Deputy Prime Minister's old toilet seats to cap the leaking oil well.<br />
'They (the toilet seat) have already proved themselves up to the task' said Ingmar Johansen from Friends of the Earth 'the Prescott toilet seat has played an important role in preventing a cataclysmic environmental disaster in the Hull area.<br />
No - we meant out at sea, not the one on dry land. You can't blame Prescott entirely for that disaster, this is Hull we're talking about - that's a different tragedy altogether to the one we're talking about.<br />
We know there are environmental risks involved in the operation, but consider the alternatives....emptying John Prescott's bowels into the ocean every day or a measly 10000 billion gallons of crude oil - which one could be worse?<br />
OK, we agree...but we still need to stop that oil’. </p>
<p>A TU95 jet is on standby to transport the toilet seat out to the Gulf but as yet finding a volunteer pilot to make the hazardous 4000 mile journey is proving difficult.<br />
'It’s not easy finding a pilot now that most of them have volunteered for foot patrol out in Helmand. We are still looking' explained wing commander Nigel Barton-Smythe<br />
The toilet seat, dubbed Ebola Gay by veteran RAF jet-jockeys, will be flown at a height of 20,000 to avoid impacting on the world’s already fragile ozone layer.<br />
US Homeland Security have refused permission for the seat to land on American soil, insisting it should be dropped from deep space to avoid further contamination to the area. Fears that it might burn up as it enters earth's gravity were dismissed when it was revealed Prescott was a regular customer at The Star of India back home in Hull most Friday nights. </p>
<p>Tony Blair has ruled out any chance of using one of his Lear jets for the mission. 'He said no chance unless we can guarantee the aircraft will be returned in one piece.<br />
I guess he still remembers when Prescott was holidaying out in the Gulf back in 2005...they were able to hang that one on Katrina at the time.<br />
John Prescott was unavailable for comment; he was busy eating a blackbird pie.</p>
<p>Revisited
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