Tag Archives: Friendship

I have to admit, it’s not something that is easy for me. I’m not sure why. I may just be too hard on myself wanting everything to be perfect. Which is hard because I don’t consider myself gifted in the kitchen.

But the truth is … hospitality isn’t about perfect food served in a perfect home, it’s about heart sharing, getting to know each other, and most importantly — just showing kind and caring love to one another.

When my friend, Sue Donaldson, offered this post to me I knew I had to share it with you because even if you don’t need it, I do!

Have you ever read Sue’s “About” Page? No?! You need to as it starts like this:

God invites you into deep soul relationship – the kind you were meant for. Why? Because He loves you. You’re on the Guest List. WelcomeHeartexists to remind you of God’s Inviting Heart. And it doesn’t stop there. Once you’ve RSVP’d –once you’ve said, “I’m in, Lord” — WH seeks to encourage and equip you to invite another. God loves using your table to extend His welcome.

That’s hospitality! Being so excited that you and I are on God’s guest list we can’t keep it to ourselves. We must spread the word and extend His invitation to the people He puts in our lives.

So, please give her a big welcome and enjoy her tips for a Christmas gathering that is simple, fun, and guaranteed to be a blessing!

Why Re-Gifting Christmas Will Make You Happy

Who will you Re-Gift Christmas to this week? Plenty of time yet. You don’t need to invite the whole neighborhood, but you might.

Singing along with my sister this morning and making a double-batch of chili. College girls for dinner again tonight. I hope it will be cold and brisk enough for chili. I hope they love chili. The Man-in-Plaid does so love chili–he’s been known to order chili when he could order steak. #noleftovers

My sister, Lori, sent me a CD of her singing Advent carols shortly after they became Lutherans–the first time for her–being a Lutheran, I mean. She and I grew up a mild version of Baptist–but it was a return to his past for husband Leonard–now pastoring at lovely St John’s in Oak Park, just outside brisk and cold Chicago. (Lots of days for chili for the Paytons!)

I mention Lutherans and Baptists (did I mention Presbyterians? No? No matter) –I mention this, not to discuss differences; rather for the sake of connection, peace and unity in light of the Gospel. All for One and One for all – as the French would say. Weren’t the Three Musketeers French? Oui, I believe.

Our One, our All is Jesus and we all celebrate Him this Advent season.

May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Romans 15:5 NLT

Our pastor is teaching the Re-gifting of Christmas – Californians so love being green – re-gifting fits right in. I’ll re-gift His love and warmth this evening with our two “adopted” Cal Poly students. And again Saturday morning to our neighbor ladies. Here’s what landed in their mailboxes last Sunday.

an unwrapped Baby Gift. All donations will go to Family Care Network, San Luis Obispo

Please RSVP

Text 471-8271 or call 544-9767

Email: sue@welcomeheart.com

It’s a busy time—come even for a quick cup of coffee and a Merry Christmas!

It’s been fun receiving texts the last couple days – I don’t know many of the names of neighbors in these 90-plus houses – so name tags will abound, with lots of coffee, egg bakes and good cheer. Praying that our re-gifting of home and hearth will turn many hearts to Jesus.

See? All for One and One for all:

The Savior of our race.

No mention of Lutherans and Baptists.

For God so loved the world.

Praise God for that!

Here’s an a cappella arrangement – also gorgeous, although I favor Lori’s clear soprano – she needs to make a YouTube channel.

Here’s the text to sing along while you make your double-batch of something this fine morning.

1 Of the Father’s love begotten ere the worlds began to be,
He is Alpha and Omega — He the source, the ending He,
of the things that are, that have been, and that future years shall see
evermore and evermore.
2 O that birth forever blessed, when a virgin, blest with grace,
by the Holy Ghost conceiving, bore the Savior of our race;
and the babe, the world’s Redeemer, first revealed His sacred face,
evermore and evermore.
3 This is He whom seers in old time chanted of with one accord,
whom the voices of the prophets promised in their faithful word;
now he shines, the long-expected; let creation praise its Lord
evermore and evermore.
4 Let the heights of heaven adore Him; angel hosts, his praises sing:
powers, dominions, bow before Him and extol our God and King;
let no tongue on earth be silent, every voice in concert ring
evermore and evermore.
5 Christ, to you, with God the Father and the Spirit, there shall be
hymn and chant and high thanksgiving and the shout of jubilee:
honor, glory, and dominion and eternal victory
evermore and evermore.

Who will you Re-Gift Christmas to this week? Plenty of time left. You don’t need to invite the whole neighborhood, but you might.

As a Retreat Speaker, Bible teacher, or workshop leader, Sue loves sharing who God is with whoever comes her way. For her, intentional hospitality for the sake of Jesus is a joy and a privilege, and she knows it can be learned! Sue has a deep desire to encourage others to find the reality and joy of knowing God through his Word –and that can happen at any kitchen table or back porch.

Sue and her husband Mark reside in San Luis Obispo, California with their three daughters, Bonnie Sue, Bethany and their “surprise” treat at almost 44, Mary Grace.

God said, “It’s not good for the Man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion.” Genesis 2:18 (MSG)

Two people are better than one, because they get more done by working together. Ecclesiastes 4:9 (NCV)

And we know it’s true. We feel better when our relationships are strong, healthy, and happy.

But then there’s this…

Remember this! In the last days, there will be many troubles, because people will love themselves, love money, brag, and be proud. They will say evil things against others and will not obey their parents or be thankful or be the kind of people God wants. They will not love others, will refuse to forgive, will gossip, and will not control themselves. They will be cruel, will hate what is good, will turn against their friends, and will do foolish things without thinking. They will be conceited, will love pleasure instead of God, and will act as if they serve God but will not have His power. 2 Timothy 3:1–5 (NCV)

Is it any wonder people have always believed they were living in “the last days?” And in many ways, we are … not knowing the day or time Jesus will return but knowing we are closer now than we were yesterday, last month or last year.

Since Adam and Eve were banished from the garden and their firstborn son killed his brother people have had trouble getting along with one another.

But I wonder…

Is it just me, or does it seem like things are getting worse?

I don’t really have any evidence, except for the hurting people I see personally, on social media, and splashed across every news report.

Although Scripture talks about the importance of loving like Jesus and gives us clear guidelines to follow, Christians are falling short, too.

The 5 Most Important Reasons Relationships Fail

1. People are selfish.

We want things done our way on our timetable. I get it. You and I look at like from the inside out. Everything is filtered through “self.” It’s easy to become selfish. And if you spend 5 minutes with a toddler, you’ll quickly learn we come into the world that way. It takes an intentional change in attitude to follow God’s better way…

Be Unselfish

Where jealousy and selfishness are, there will be confusion and every kind of evil. But the wisdom that comes from God is first of all pure, then peaceful, gentle, and easy to please. This wisdom is always ready to help those who are troubled and to do good for others. It is always fair and honest.James 3:16–17 (NCV)

2. People are prideful and stubborn.

I’m right! You’re wrong! It’s that simple.

Of course, everyone believes they’re right. If everyone would just see and do things “my way” the world would be sooooo much better. But so much of what we “know” and believe has been filtered through the lens of our personal experiences.

Which is why God told His children to…

Be Humble

Always be humble and gentle. Ephesians 4:2a

3. People are quick to judge.

I can’t believe. How could you?! I would never!

Yeah, that!

You and I can be so quick to judge a person’s motives without knowing their heart. The truth is you and I don’t want to have assumptions made about us. We hate when judgment falls on us. God’s love is tender and merciful…

Be Merciful

All of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters.Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. Ephesians 4:2b (NCV)

Give love and mercy the same as your Father gives love and mercy. Luke 6:36 (ERV)

4. People are self-righteous.

I get it, there are just some things that are hard to forgive. Some offenses cut too deep but when you and I really stop to remember all that God has forgiven in us . . . well, with His help we can forgive anything…

Be Forgiving

Instead, be kind to each other, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:#2

5. People fail to listen to each other.

I’m a talker and I’m opinionated. I always have something to say. In fact, if I said everything that popped into my head … let’s just say, it wouldn’t be pretty. Honestly, it’s a good thing people can’t read my mind and the One who can, well — He hears a lot of confessed repentance over many an unspoken thought.

Can you imagine how our relationships would improve if we listened with compassion before we spoke in anger? If we made understanding a priority?

Be a listener

My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily, because anger will not help you live the right kind of life God wants.James 1:19–20 (NCV)

Now, I can almost hear you saying, “Yeah but you don’t know_________.”

And I get completely understand. Really, I do!

I have had my own relationships fail!

But even though you and I can’t change someone else, we aren’t helpless. With God’s help, we can be changed.

I can’t change you but I can change me.

My prayer is with God’s help I will become more and more unselfish, humble, merciful, and forgiving. And that I will listen for greater understanding to the thoughts, opinions, and experiences of others and most importantly to His Word that I might know His truth for relationships and for life.

Don’t forget to leave your prayer requests…

and pray over the list left by our friends.

I’m always looking for stories that will encourage and inspire readers to live in faith, stay faithful in hope, and find joy in loving Jesus and others. If you’re interested in sharing your story here at Counting My Blessings –check out my Contributor Guidelines page.

Remember – I always enjoy hearing from you! Please take a minute to say ‘hi’ and share your thoughts in the comments below.

And if this article blessed or helped you today — would you share it with someone? Maybe a friend, family member, coworker, or through the links below…;

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If you’re like me, you’ve been blessed with some really wonderful friendships.

And well, you’ve also experienced some that were far less than wonderful.

That’s life, isn’t it?

Some friendships start easily and feel like you’ve known each other forever and others require more effort but are oh – so – worth it!

And sadly, friendships can end – some naturally because of life changes and others painfully because of life choices.

But we learn, don’t we?

Friendships help us learn things about ourselves and yes, they help us learn things about others, too.

I wonder if social media doesn’t give us a distorted view of friendship.

You can make or break a friendship with the click of a button.

It’s easy, right?

Seriously, Facebook friendships require very little effort. Where else can you and I keep up with hundreds of friendships without ever leaving the house?

And oh, the number of friends you and I have . . . now, that’s important. It’s so easy to value quantity over quality and appearances over authenticity.

Add in Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest where followers are the new friends and you get a whole new level of the separating of togetherness.

God made us for community, for closeness … He made us to be a better friend.

So I want to take a closer look at:

What does it mean to be a friend?

What is friendship?

Why is it important?

How does God want for my friendships?

What exactly is a friend anyway?

A friend is defined as:

A person attached to another by feelings of affection.

A person whom you know, like, and trust.

A person with whom you enjoy spending time.

A friend is someone who:

Wants what is best for the other.

Shows empathy and sympathy, compassion and understanding.

Allows individuality without fear of judgment.

Understands balance and the importance of give-and-take.

Characteristics of true friendships:

Take time to develop.

Based on honesty and trust.

Reflect kindness and caring.

Are not selfish.

Don’t repeat problems or struggles to others.

Encourages each other’s goals and dreams.

_______________ (What would you add?)

Biblical definitions of friends:

A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. Proverbs 17:17

Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. 1 John 4:11

Just as damaging as a madman shooting a deadly weapon is someone who lies to a friend and then says, “I was only joking.” Proverbs 26:18-19

Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Colossians 3:13

Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!Romans 12:15–16

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. Proverbs 27:17

Wow, wouldn’t it be amazing if all our friendships looked like that!

You see, the truth is…

A better friend values we over me.

I want to know how well I’m doing, so here are some questions I’m asking myself:

Am I always honest with my friends? Are they honest with me?

Do I quickly forgive a friend’s flaws? Do they forgive me?

Do I talk about my friend’s problems to others? Do they talk about me?

Am I quick to help and encourage a friend? Are they helpful and encouraging?

Have I invited God into my friendships?

Am I willing to make necessary changes to enjoy the blessing of true friendship? What will that look like?

To help, I’ve come up with 10 important qualities needed in every friendship.

10 Important Things to Do that will Make You a Better Friend

Flattery is just sugar-coated manipulation and no matter how sweetly it’s presented manipulation is selfish and unloving. Encouragement is love in words and action. Go ahead and give compliments generously – but do it for them and be sincere!

2. Be Helpful

Sometimes it’s just a listening ear or a caring note. Other times it may be providing a meal or sitting in a hospital waiting room. Whatever it is . . . as much as it is possible, friends help each other.

A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. Proverbs 17:17

3. Be Truthful

Trust is an important and essential part of any close relationship. Lies destroy trust. So tell the truth but do it gently and kindly.

An honest answer is like a kiss of friendship. Proverbs 24:26

4. Be Compassionate

Show that you care about your friend and their problems without being judgmental.

You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate. Luke 6:36

5. Be Respectful

Healthy friendships aren’t clingy. Value each other’s personal space and preferences. Boundaries are a healthy for good friends.

“The truest form of love is how you behave toward someone, not how you feel about them.”
~ Steve Hall

Friends shouldn’t gossip. Because the unfortunate truth is … If they will do it with you, they will do it to you.

A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends. Proverbs 16:28

7. Don’t Judge

You have not had their experiences and you can’t see inside their hearts and minds.

Remember…

“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged.” Luke 6:37

8. Don’t Pry

If your friend doesn’t want to talk about it—let it go. They’ll talk when they’re ready.

“True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable.” ~ David Tyson Gentry

9. Don’t Envy

You may wish you could enjoy their blessings, but I promise you don’t want their problems. Every life has a blend of good and bad.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt

10. Don’t Make Promises You Can’t or Won’t Keep

To the best of your ability be reliable. It’s a trust thing.

“And may the Lord make us keep our promises to each other, for he has witnessed them.” 1 Samuel 20:23

That’s my list of what is most important.

Of course, I’m also a huge fan of simply having fun and laughing together as often as possible.

Tell me … what’s on your “important” list for being a better friend?

Don’t forget to leave your prayer requests…

and pray over the list left by our friends.

I’m always looking for stories that will encourage and inspire readers to live in faith, stay faithful in hope, and find joy in loving Jesus and others. If you’re interested in sharing your story here at Counting My Blessings –check out my Contributor Guidelines page.

Remember – I always enjoy hearing from you! Please take a minute to say ‘hi’ and share your thoughts in the comments below.

And if this article blessed or helped you today — would you share it with someone? Maybe a friend, family member, coworker, or through the links below…

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I started this post several months ago when I was all fired up about a comment I read on Facebook followed by an article posted on Hello Christian.

Respect is taught at home. If your kid is a disrespectful little *#%!, it’s your fault. Not society’s. Not music. Not video games. Yours! (uncredited quote on FB)

Kevin Swanson, a pastor from Colorado, said, “As a pastor, if your children turn out to be sinners…if it turns out they abandoned the faith while they are in the household, accused of riot and unruly debauchery, et cetera, within the household, you need to resign as a pastor,” (quoted from article at Hello Christian)

And the following rant came flying out through my fingers on to the page…

If like the people above, you have perfect children, I’m happy for you. Really, I am.

But seriously, what do you hope to accomplish . . . discouragement? Guilt? Pain?

Parents with rebellious children are already discouraged. They feel guilty and oh my, are their hearts hurting!

They don’t need you to help them feel bad about themselves.

But you need to know that…

Like you perfect parents, they love their children and they are doing their best.

And if your perfect children are still young and everything has been easy so far, I’d like to caution you . . . you may find yourself eating your judgmental attitude.

How do I know?

Because I’ve been in your shoes. When our children were little, we were brilliant parents and I was a pro when it came to judging parents who had out of control rebellious children.

Good parents have good obedient children, right?!

I got humbled!

I’ll spare you the details. Just know, I have a lot of compassion for parents who pour everything they’ve got into loving, raising, and praying for their children while feeling helpless because of the choices they are making.

And as I finished writing that sentence, I was spent. Emotion and memories made it hard to keep writing. I click save and set it aside . . . but the other day, I revisited the subject and thought it might be time to add some positive words and helpful suggestions to my diatribe.

So, here goes…

If like me, you ever find yourself in the frustrated and I don’t know what to do parent category, remember you’re not alone…

Adam and Eve’s son killed his brother. (Genesis 4)

Noah’s son was disrespectful. (Genesis 9)

Jacob’s sons sold their brother into slavery. (Genesis 37)

Eli’s sons cursed God. (1 Samuel 3)

King David’s son tried to take over the kingdom. (2 Samuel 15)

The son in the “prodigal” story squandered his future inheritance. (Luke 15)

And through the history of the kings of Judah and Israel – good kings had sons who were evil kings.

There is nothing new under the sun. Children, like their parents, have been sinning since the first family.

Friends let’s do better. Let’s stop comparing and judging and make every effort to support and help each other for the benefit of our children and our communities.

5 of the Best Ways to Bless the Parents of a Rebellious Child

1. Build Strong Relationships

So many families find grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins living long distances away. I believe children benefit from the love, encouragement, and counsel of other adults in addition to their mom and dad. Having other parents cheer for your children and reinforce your beliefs and values is great for everyone involved.

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Ecclesiates 4:9–10

2. Refuse to Compete or Compare

Oh, how I remember the questions. How did your child do on that test? How many points did he score? How did she do on the audition?

It’s one thing to be interested and caring and quite another when you start competing and comparing. It takes a self-check. If this is hard for you, pray about it and determine to become a super-encourager of your children, their friends, and their friends’ parents.

She needs your love and encouragement and her family needs your care and compassion now more than ever. So, stop and ask yourself how you’d want to be treated if your child did something similar.

“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.” Matthew 7:12

“Judgment…is one of the ego’s tools to foster separation through comparison.” ~ Peter Santos

4. Listen with Love

You know the saying, “Listen to understand not to respond.”

Yeah that!

When dealing with a difficult child, parents need to know they’re not alone. Be the friend who listens and loves. And when it comes to giving advice, the truth is what worked for you may not work for them.

Share your thoughts if asked, if not . . . listen, love, and pray.

“Sometimes all a person wants is an empathetic ear; all he or she needs is to talk it out. Just offering a listening ear and an understanding heart for his or her suffering can be a big comfort.” ~ Roy T. Bennett

And the best help!

5. Pray for Your Friends and their Children

Can you imagine the difference we could make if we sincerely prayed for the families in our circle of friends? What if we asked God to draw us all closer to Him, to bless us with wisdom in parenting, and to guard and protect our children’s hearts and minds to make wise choices?

Praying for someone is an act of love and one of the greatest gifts you can give a friend.

“Our prayers may be awkward. Our attempts may be feeble. But since the power of prayer is in the one who hears it and not in the one who says it, our prayers do make a difference.” – Max Lucado

I believe we can do this!

We can bless each other with encouragement. We can come together as friends and families and teach our children the joy of living as friends and family without sniping and tearing each other down with criticism and condemnation.

And finally, please stop and think about the hurting parent who’s doing their best before you write a blog or social media post that blames them for every mistake their child makes. It might just come back to bite you and you may find yourself having to humbly eat your words.

Don’t forget to leave your prayer requests…

and pray over the list left by our friends.

Remember – I always enjoy hearing from you! Please take a minute to say ‘hi’ and share your thoughts in the comments below.

And if this article blessed or helped you today — would you share it with someone? Maybe a friend, family member, coworker, or through the links below…

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There’s a lot going on in Counting My Blessings land and I can’t wait to tell you all about it.

But…

It’s going to have to wait.

Because for the first time in years, I’m taking a two-week vacation from writing.

I won’t be completely away though, you can still find the…

… here every Wednesday.

Remember this is the best of the best from my besties! So you’ll be able to catch up with these lovely ladies’ top posts and find out just one of the reasons why I love them so much. They’re awesome writers.

And…

They love Jesus! They are wonderful encouragers and well . . . they’re just flat out fun. So, head over to visit their sites:

I will also be here every Friday for the Faith ‘n Friends Link Party. I just love catching up with all of you each week . . . so there are no vacations from the party. Woo Hoo!!

Yeah, you still have lots of reasons to visit and I’m so hoping you will…

I can’t tell you how much I love you! You are my so much more than my friends. You are smiles and laughter as you shine the light and love the Jesus into my days. You faithfully remind me of the joy and hope we have in Him. I love hearing from you!

Thank you for making the prayer page a blessing for everyone who visits. You are beautiful warriors and I thank God for you!

I’ll be checking in on social media as I have time and keeping up with your posts through the Link Party.

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It’s understandable because I believe we’ve all experienced times when we’ve been with women who are quick to compare, critique, judge and belittle.

We want girlfriends, women who can relate to life from the feminine perspective and cheer us on along the way.

I’ve always wanted a sister, so I’m thankful for the sisterhood of friends.

But…

Like you, I still get nervous when I’m meeting someone new.

And that’s where I found myself last week. I packed and repacked my suitcase wondering about these women I’d known online for a couple of years but was meeting face to face. Seriously, there were all kinds of reasons to question whether we’d all get along.

Age – we spanned decades and I’m the oldest.

Appearance – admit it, women can be hard on each other.

Demographics – we’re from different locations and backgrounds.

Politics – that one doesn’t even need explanation.

Faith – even though we’re all Christians we’re from different church bodies.

Blogs – we had every reason in the world to compare and compete.

And that’s a lot of reasons to wonder if I’d be able to relax and feel safe with these new friends.

So, yes, I was nervous.

But it didn’t last.

I quickly realized, this group is safe…

Age didn’t matter, appearance wasn’t important, demographics offered interest and accents. Politics weren’t discussed. Faith focused on Jesus and not on denominational differences and blogs . . . well, we know we’re all better when we help each other.

You might be wondering how I figured that out so quickly…

It happened as we shared our stories and made ourselves vulnerable.

One of the girls said, “I want to know more. Tell me your testimony.”

And we did.

One by one, we went around the table telling each other about our broken places and the beautiful ways Jesus has delivered us and pieced us back together.

I can’t stop thinking about that evening and the beauty of how our hearts connected and one thought keeps coming to mind…

We need to create a safe space for story sharing.

I know “safe space” is a trigger phrase right now but you don’t have to agree to offer safety. Keep reading to learn the 5 things I believe we need to offer safety in our relationships.

How To Be a Safe Space for Your Friends

Good listening includes eye contact and undivided attention. It doesn’t interrupt and makes the person talking feel valued. Good listening is patient and humble.

“The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention…. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words. ” ~Rachel Naoli Remen

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.Philippians 2:3–4 (NLT)

♥ Without Judging

It’s easy to blame parents when their children fail. Or ask whether someone diagnosed with lung cancer was a smoker. We want to believe if we “do it right” we’ll be safe from problems; so we blame the person and hope they are just living out the consequences of their less than perfect choices. Oh, we love to judge others by their circumstances.

But the truth is…

If you haven’t lived someone’s life, you have no right to judge them.

It’s just that simple.

“Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.” ~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven.”Luke 6:37 (NLT)

♥ With Compassion, Kindness, and Love

It takes so little effort to be compassionate and kind . . . to let someone know you care more about them than their past and only the best for their future. That’s love. 1 Corinthians 13 Godly love that’s humble, patient, kind, and compassionate.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” ~Plato

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32 (NLT)

♥ With Privacy

We can only feel safe sharing our stories when we trust others to keep them private. It is a rare gift to have someone trust me with their brokenness; so, I always try to remember their story is not mine to tell. I am only able to control the words I speak. Once I tell someone else the private details of a friend’s life, I am potentially opening a floodgate of gossip that drowns our friendship with betrayal and hurt.

“If I can enjoy a joke at the expense of another; if I can in any way slight another in conversation, or even in thought, then I know nothing of Calvary love.” ~Amy Carmichael

A gossip goes around telling secrets, so don’t hang around with chatterers. Proverbs 20:19 (NLT)

♥ With Follow-up

Don’t forget to check in with a friend who has openly shared their brokenness with you. Let them know you care about them and that you’re praying for them. Be a living example of God’s love in their lives. I promise it will grow your friendship and bless you both!

“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” ~Albert Schweitzer

A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. Proverbs 17:17 (NLT)

Friends, we need to make it safe for our friends to share their stories by listening without judging, with compassion, kindness, and love, with privacy, and with follow-up.

When we do give counsel, may we offer it with gentleness and respect.

May we love well and make it easy for our sisters to safely share their stories because dear friends, it is in the safe space that we nurture our friendships and watch them grow.

Leave your prayer requests…

and pray for others who have left requests.

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Have you ever had one of those times when you look around and you’re sitting in the middle of something you know only God could do?

That’s where I found myself last weekend.

We’d only met in person 36 hours earlier although we’ve been online friends for almost a year and a half. Our ages span several decades and we live from eastern to western United States time zones.

When I look at those beautiful faces, I see a miracle of God’s grace.

It was January of 2016 and I was a lonely blogger.

Maybe you can relate…

You pour your heart out through words week after week, cherish every sweet comment (even if you can’t always get back to reply to everyone), and love the connections you’ve made but you can’t help but feel the loneliness of working independently behind a computer screen.

So, I started praying and asking God to give me a group of like-minded bloggers with whom I could connect on Facebook.

On Higher Ground Retreat

Last weekend, eight of us were blessed to gather at Lori Schumaker’s and share a little face to face love and encouragement.

We shared some blogging and social media tips but two parts of our time together really stuck out for me.

Sitting around the table and sharing our testimonies of the things God has used in our lives to reveal His love and draw us close. Those “through” seasons that were hard but with God’s help strengthened us. Things we maybe even hated at the time but looking back we can see how He was able to use each one for our good and His glory.

Praying together.

And praying together is what I really want to talk with you about today.

The Awesome Blessing of Praying with Friends

It was the morning after we’d poured ourselves into really getting to know one another. We’d already laughed until our stomachs hurt and cried some “ugly” cries.

We gathered in a close circle to cry out to God for the specific needs each of us had shared throughout the weekend.

You know, it takes God’s presence to create the perfect safe space where we can make ourselves vulnerable and share our deepest hurts and needs. And that’s exactly what God gave us.

We prayed for…

♥ Blogs/Ministries

Thanking God for the gifts He has given each person . . . ways He is using them to bless and asking Him to use them for His glory.

I always thank my God for you and for the gracious gifts He has given you, now that you belong to Christ Jesus. 1 Corinthians 1:4

♥ Families

Lifting up spouses and children. Asking God to bless them, to surround them with godly friends, and draw them close to Himself.

Because of this, since the day we heard about you, we have continued praying for you, asking God that you will know fully what he wants. We pray that you will also have great wisdom and understanding in spiritual things so that you will live the kind of life that honors and pleases the Lord in every way. You will produce fruit in every good work and grow in the knowledge of God.Colossians 1:9–10

♥ Concerns and Needs

Asking God to work in and through hurts and struggles to bless each one with all they need to live in His victorious love.

Let everyone see that you are gentle and kind. The Lord is coming soon. Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks. And God’s peace, which is so great we cannot understand it, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.Philippians 4:5–7

And…

We thanked God for the specific God-given gifts being used by each precious friend.

I don’t believe anything makes a woman (or man) feel more loved than hearing someone else telling God how thankful they are for the ways He is using her to bless and encourage them.

First, I tell you to pray for all people, asking God for what they need and being thankful to Him. 1 Timothy 2:1

What a joy to be able to spend time with other women without comparisons, competition, or division enjoying friendships that make us stronger and happier.

A taste of heaven on Higher Ground.

I’m excited to tell you, we want to share our experience with other bloggers and writers. So, we’re dreaming of a Higher Ground Conference in 2018. Stay tuned for more information to come. And even if you’re not in online ministry, please pray for us as we make plans to share our safe space of friendship and encouragement next year.

Like this:

“The company you keep says a lot about you, because your friends have a major influence on how you feel, think, and behave. Friends influence your choices.” (Psychology Today)

The people with whom you and I spend our time have a huge impact on almost every area of our lives and let’s face it, with busy schedules we only have a limited amount of time to engage with friends anyway.

So, it’s extremely important to choose our closest friends wisely.

Have you ever had a friendship end and wondered, “What in the world was I thinking?”

Yep, me too.

I think most of us have had at least one “what was I thinking” relationship?

And a few of you may be thinking, “who am I kidding, I’m like a magnet for the wrong people.”

Whether your relationship is with a family member or friend, playing well with others isn’t always easy.

And the truth is . . . you and I aren’t perfect either. There are probably a few people out there trying to figure out how to get along with us. We all struggle with sin that shows itself as pride and selfishness and keeps us from treating people the way we should or even the way we want.

So, finding and maintaining healthy friendships takes wisdom.

If you’re like me you not only want, you need wisdom that will help you know the best ways to emotionally invest in your relationships.

1. Know How to Identify Godly Character Traits.

Pay attention to how they treat others – especially servers and sales associates.

Are they kind, respectful, helpful, and encouraging?

Are they honest and fair? Are they consistent?

Do they have integrity?

Keep your heart pure for out of it are the important things of life. Put false speaking away from you. Put bad talk far from you. Let your eyes look straight in front of you, and keep looking at what is in front of you. Watch the path of your feet, and all your ways will be sure. Proverbs 4:23–26

2. Ask God to Show You Any Personal Weaknesses.

What are the things that make you a less than a godly friend? Pray. Ask God to open your eyes to ways you can be a better friend. Someone who blesses others.

When you are with friends…

Pay attention to how you are acting – do you adjust your values to fit in with the crowd?

Are you kind and caring to everyone – even someone who can’t repay you?

Can you disagree without being disagreeable?

Do you have integrity?

“Few things are more infectious than a godly lifestyle. The people you rub shoulders with every day need that kind of challenge. Not prudish. Not preachy. Just cracker jack clean living. Just honest to goodness, bone – deep, non-hypocritical integrity.” ~Churck Swindoll

“A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.” ~Charles Kingsley

3. Ask God to Help You Know How to Identify and Attract Safe Relationships.

Pray for courage to reach out to new people. Ask for wisdom when choosing your friends and planning your time with them.

It’s wonderful to have a lot of “hi and how are you” informal acquaintances with whom you get along well at work, church, or school. But it takes God’s wisdom to identify people you and I can trust enough to really be ourselves and grow close friendships.

So, look for people who get your quirks, and weird sense of humor. People who share your beliefs, values, and interests.

Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family. Proverbs 18:24

“The next best thing to being wise oneself is to live in a circle of those who are.” ~C.S Lewis

4. Ask God to Give You Patience and Forgiveness in Your Friendships.

Remember, we’re all imperfect. Your friends may disappoint you and you may upset them, but good friends are able to forgive each other and keep going.

Forgiveness is a building block of close friendships.

“Don’t wait for other people to be loving, giving, compassionate, grateful, forgiving, generous, or friendly… lead the way!” ~Steve Maraboli

“He is your friend who pushes you nearer to God.” ~Abraham Kuyper

5. Remember – Sometimes No Matter How Hard You Try a Friendship Won’t Work Out.

No matter how loving you are, you can’t make everyone love you. It’s just a hard fact of this imperfect life. And sometimes when we’ve been hurt it’s difficult to bravely go out there and try again. But there are a lot of people in this world. Look around potential friends are everywhere.

Meanwhile…

You and I have a perfect friend in Jesus. He is always and forever faithful and forgiving. And the best part – He has given us all we need to be His friend and friends with one another.

“This is my command: Love each other as I have loved you.” John 15:12

“A rule I have had for years is: to treat the Lord Jesus Christ as a personal friend. His is not a creed, a mere doctrine, but it is He Himself we have.” ~Dwight L. Moody

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About Me!

Hi! I'm so glad you're here!
I'm Deb Wolf, a “good little church girl” who has been transformed by grace into a joy-filled blessing counter who is crazy in love with Jesus. I can't wait to tell you about it and help you celebrate life.

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