Tag Archives: leadership skills

My guest today is author and coach Denise Dudley, here to share with us her expertise on the art of active listening. It’s important that we all become aware of the fact that by fully listening to what someone has to say we honor that person. Active listening sounds like a tough job, but once we commit to it, we will almost instantly improve our relationships on a noticeable scale.

Always watch for cues to make sure your listeners are still there

Listening seems to us like a very passive activity. Research has shown that when you’re truly listening, many parts of your brain lighten up. There is a lot going on, but physically it feels like we’re just sitting there.

Part of your job as a speaker is to always be listening and watching for feedback in your listener(s). Watch for cues to make sure your listeners are still with you and they haven’t become bored.

Sometimes it’s important to sit still when we’re listening so that we can send the message of “I’m with you, I’m not thinking about anything else.”

Commit to actively listen

If you are going to really listen to someone, go to a quieter, neutral room. Make sure you also avoid distractions.

We try to have our most important conversations in person, because we get to have these visual cues.

The first step in any journey towards becoming better at whatever it is you’re interested in is to actually make a commitment.

Listen without formulating a response in your head

Sometimes people may have different views. It’s hard to suspend your immediate judgment, but it’s really important to do it if you really want to listen to what that person is saying.

Suspending your immediate judgment has to do with listening without formulating a response just yet and staying open enough.

It’s important to make a commitment not to interrupt. Wait because people need to feel that they are heard. Only interrupt someone if they’re being offensive or abusive.

Paraphrase more

Paraphrasing is really the best first thing that you can say once you’ve been listening to a segment of someone’s story.

When you hit it right, you see the other person lighten up. If you hit it wrong, you get a red light.

It’s also important to “listen” to nonverbal communication.

Brains don’t really love to multitask. Many people actually resist multitasking. You are multitasking if you’re listening and considering what you’re going to say next. Wait until the person is finished and then formulate your response.

Are you aware of the habits that are limiting your career advancement? If you want to have more influence and more power, it’s time to put an end to certain patterns of thinking. To help you achieve that, I’ve invited someone I truly admire: author and executive coach Marshall Goldsmith.

The profile of the leader of the future

The leader of the future has to have four attributes, according to Marshall:

The ability to think globally and being able to manage people in a global setting.

Cross-cultural appreciation. Diversity is not just about dealing with minorities in the US, but also about dealing with different cultures all around the world.

Being tech-savvy. We can no longer hide from technology.

Being able to build alliances and partnerships. Nowadays leadership is much more across, instead of being top-down.

Shared leadership. In the past, leaders assumed they knew more than the people they led. Today the leader is no longer superior. Leaders of the future have to quit being the smartest person in the room.

Don’t always add value and listen to your people

In his job as an executive coach Marshall gives people a lot of feedback. His clients pick the areas in which they need to make the most changes, and he helps them with that.

He says that managers have a constant tendency of giving too much value. It’s very hard for smart, successful people not to constantly add value. Your suggestions as an executive become orders and you can end up diminishing the ideas of your employees.

Before you speak, breathe, and ask yourself, “Is it worth it? If I am not the expert on this topic, why am I speaking? Anything I say will probably end up doing more harm than good.”

Don’t sacrifice your career for your job

Marshall’s latest book, “How Women Rise: Break the 12 Habits Holding You Back from Your Next Raise, Promotion, or Job”, is a collaboration with Sally Helgesen. The idea was to create a book for any woman who is ready to advance to the next level.

One of the brilliant concepts in the book is sacrificing your career for your job. Women are much more likely to do this than men. They can get so wrapped up in doing a great job, that they don’t really invest in their career. They tend to have this naive assumption that if they do a good job, it should be the best thing to advance their career.

What you should be doing is always looking at that next job. If you’re not careful, you can become indispensable. Then you’re really stuck. Indispensable means, “We can’t get rid of her, she’s adding too much value.”

Become aware of what is limiting your career and start making changes

Women are much better than men at giving credit to others and saying we instead of I. This is generally a good thing. The only problem is that sometimes you need to get promoted.

If you want to make a bigger, more positive difference in the world, you need to have more power. You can’t influence people with no power.

If you want more power, you need to be aware of the things that stop your career. If you think, “I love my team so much, I’m ashamed to be promoted”, you ultimately limit your career and the influence you can have in the world.

We hold on to mental models too much. If we say, “That’s the way I am” with no intention of changing anything, then we will always get what we always got. We always have a choice. If we want more power and more authority, we need to change this way of thinking.