5 posts categorized "technology"

November 03, 2011

My sons have left home. They are now 18 and 20 and live in England, which is where they were born. They are tall, strong, articulate young men, deeply concerned with the inequalities and tensions of our current day. The elder seeks community-based political solutions and the younger is focused on the quality of human interactions in his everyday life.

And neither of them uses social media or even the computer or a phone very much. For me, this is hard as it can mean that I don't speak with them for weeks on end. But overall, because I see how it impacts their independence and their growth, I am very pleased.

For instance, the two of them hitch-hiked to France a couple of weeks ago. They were aiming for a particular city, and an event that was taking place there. They agreed that if they got separated, that they would meet in a particular park. And that is what happened. My older boy got lucky and got a ride all the way to his destination. The younger - as he told me a week later - had three days of "trials and tribulations". And so Daniel, the older boy, simply hung out in the park for three days, waiting for his brother to show up. Once there, they navigated an unknown city in an unknown language and found their way.

This probably sounds crazy to some people. Why not avail oneself of modern conveniences like GPS units and cell phones? Why have to take such chances and rely so heavily on....on other people. Which is what happened. During those three days in the park, Daniel found people to pass the time with. He got to know a bit about the city and the culture. And he also relied on himself and his own inner resources.

This kind of life lesson is especially valable for Gabriel, the younger boy. Here's a boy who has in the past refused to ask shopkeepers questions and described himself as 'timid' and 'shy'. Well, during those three days of trials and tribulations, he had to depend on himself, on what he could call up from deep within, to keep going. No one was going to do it for him.

Both boys had a wonderful experience concerning how to survive without communication tools several summers ago when we were on a bus taking us from La Crosse to St Paul. The GPS on the bus suddenly broke and the driver was completely helpless. There were paper maps in the vehicle but he was so used to using a GPS that he could not read them. Maybe he forgot how. Or, scarier still, maybe he had never learned how. So my husband went up to the front of the bus. He didn't especially know the way, but he knew west from east and that, for instance, Winona was in the right direction - and so directed the bus (and without even the aid of the paper maps for extra Brownie points!). Our boys were very impressed by this and over the years we have seen again and again how deeply this simple lesson in common sense and a rudimentary skill such as knowing how to read a map, influenced them.

Gabriel did have some preparation for these current adventures last summer when he spent a couple of months hitching around the UK and US. What was especially wonderful were his experiences with strangers, with people who extended help to this unknown boy. He had people drive out of their way to take him places; he had people buy him food; he had people (not scary ones) offer him a place to stay. And he got to hear the stories of mothers, veterans, people bored with work or looking for work, ex-hippies who used to hitch...all sorts of people.He got to experience a connection with other human beings in a way that many people, who stick only to those whom they know, never have.

Back to the use of cell phones, well, Gabriel did have one for a while. He had a girlfriend who insisted he get one so she could call him all the time. I can remember one notable evening when she texted him at least 20 times in the course of an hour. He was doing his homework (he was at school at this time) and every time she texted, he'd put down his work and read what she had written and usually respond. I was sitting across from him, knitting. Finally I said " what is the deal here?" Nothing, he responded. Just my girlfriend. So how about you focus on your homework and then when it's done, you text her? Because of the way he'd been raised, he knew that a) this was a reasonable suggestion and b) I was not about to be fobbed off by " but that's what all the kids do". So we "entered into negotiations". He could see that breaking one's focus and concentration repeatedly was simply not a good habit to cultivate - whether it was interrupting one's homework or something else in one's lfe. As a (mostly) homeschooled boy who valued long uninterrupted periods of focus on a particular interest, he knew from his own experience, how disorientating split concentration could be. And he didn't want that.

The end came, though when one night I went into his room to look for something and found him asleep with the cell phone, switched on, on the pillow next to his head. The next morning we had a long discussion about the health effects of cell signals. And I asked the question of why he needed to have the phone on like that. What it came down to was that his girlfriend was having some problems and that she "needed" to be able to contact him. Frequently. So I pointed out that if she was in trouble, she needed him in person, not via text. And that in the interim, both she and he needed to sleep and not be constantly at the mercy of such communication.

Well, that chapter of the cell phone story ended soon after because Gabriel and his girlfriend broke up. Most of his friends had cell phones but he was starting to become uncomfortable with how they were used. And besides, he had facebook.

But eventually, without me saying anything at all, Gabriel became uneasy about facebook. His brother eschewed social networking from the beginning, knowing how dangerous it is for internet companies to have all of one's data and to also have such a potentially powerful tool at their ultimate control (witness the fact that the British PM contemplated blacking out facebook and twitter during the recent riots in the UK). But Gabriel only really got fed up with facebook when, once again, he saw how it affected his friends' relationships. He thought it weird and unnatural how one "friends" people whom one has never spoken with in the flesh and how people can post anything, including hurtful or misinformed information, one someone's page. He saw how his friends were affected by this and he saw how a few teens seemed to live for updates and messages on their page - but in real life had trouble socializing.

So he closed his facebook account - which was an eye opening experience for him as it is not possible to simply delete one's page. Facebook "saves" it for you "just in case". It took him three days of downloading special programmes to be able to override Facebook's possession of his personal information and finally be rid of it.

By now the cell phone had gone. Again, this was mainly because of what he observed around him. What bugged him most was how kids would arrange to get together - and then spend half their time communicating with other people on their cell phones!

That's the story of my media-free boys. They value human relationships in the flesh and they know how to handle themselves in difficult situations. How could I be prouder of them?

September 16, 2011

At the bottom of this piece is an article that all of you who have children heading toward an awareness of social networking - or those who are involved with this already - might need to read. The article is from Yahoo and is not written by a Waldorf educator or from a particularly alternative or questioning of media point of view. Indeed, the article is about Teens and Social Networking - notice how very young these teens are and that for us, as Waldorf educators, the term "teen" is questionable with children as young as 13. This article is not about 16 and 17 year olds.

Please read this. And please discuss it with your spouse/partner and any friend or relative who might think that communicating with your child via Facebook might be a good thing. Over the years I have met too many parents who were caught on the backhand with new developments in technology and did not foresee how their children would get caught up in the newest game or trend. My sons were young teens 5 to 7 years ago and only that short time ago things like Facebook simply weren't an issue. How lucky I was. But for those of you with children entering their teens, already in their teens and younger, this is a huge issue, one to think through carefully and clearly.

I wish you all the mindfulness, clarity and heart-centered wisdom that you need to be able to come to the right decisions for your families when considering where to draw the boundaries with social media.

October 05, 2010

The following was written by Alison, a Waldorf homeschooling mom who started a thread on my online discussion forum about electronic games and gave a version of the following story. I liked it so much I asked her to write it up so that I could include it on my blog and share with all of you - as this is a huge issue which effects us all.

Sometime while Lydia was 8, she figured out that I’m the one who generally chooses her birthday and holiday gifts.

I’m the brains behind the Waldorf in our lives, but my husband has been a Waldorf trooper from the start. Kevin explained the value of delayed reading to his parents. He has contributed plenty to the fairy fancy in our home. He listens to me talk about the nine year change.

With her ninth birthday a few weeks away, Lydia announced to her father, “You need to get me a Dad-gift.”

Most nights, after Lydia goes to bed, Kevin catches up on work, and I conquer the battle zone that is our kitchen. Later, Kevin takes a break, and we talk while I finish up.

One night, he brought up their last Dad and Daughter grocery-shopping trip. Lydia asked to stop at another store, to look at video games. We’d attended a family music camp a few weeks before, and Lydia saw kids there who had Nintendo. She didn’t always care what other kids were doing, but times have changed.

Now, Kevin thinks Nintendo would be a good gift for Lydia. I’m wiping the counter but out of the corner of my eye I can see Kevin is trying to read my face.

It looks really good. The counter, not my face.

“That girl from camp she’s pen pals with,” he says, “they could play over the internet. Lydia could get a little computer experience.”

Like other Waldorf dads I’ve come across, Kevin can have moments of impatience with the Waldorf curriculum’s lack of obvious skill building. He once suggested less time on storytelling and more time on reading road signs.

He smiles with pride. “You should have seen her. We got hold of a salesperson and Lydia asked great questions. She notices absolutely everything.”

I shake some basil scented scrubbing powder into the sink. I find it fragrant and soothing.

“And the reason she notices absolutely everything is precisely because of the things she’s done: Waldorf. And the things she hasn’t done: video.”

I recite a short list of the research on the bad health effects of screen time and the world of rapid video. “Her brain will never be the same.”

I stand close and look up at my husband. On another night there might have been a kiss. Instead, I whisper, “ Please let Lydia be a child awhile longer, let our home be a refuge from the electronic onslaught all around. Do you really want to bring the launch pad to virtual-land right to her bedroom? Our family will never be the same.”

A few moments later I stood in the kitchen alone. Kevin grumbled as he walked out and I didn’t ask him to repeat what he said. I hoped that somehow, the universe would find a way to help him see things clearly.

The next night, just as I finished stuffing the chaos into the dishwasher, Kevin appeared at the kitchen entrance. I closed the dishwasher door. Our eyes met.

“I saw an interesting family today.” Kevin enjoys the variety of people he encounters in a workday, and the snippets of human drama that happen by in his presence.The family included a grandma and 2 young children. The bespectacled boy had a blue Nintendo and the smaller girl with the two ponytails had a pink one. Kevin found himself eager to engage the kids, and proud that he knew enough about Nintendo to interest them in talking to him.

No such luck. He said the kids kept their faces to the screens and did not respond at all. The grandma told him that the OTHER grandma gave the games to the kids. She talked about how awful they have made life, how everything now is about how much time on the game, or how much time on the computer, the kids never want to go out, play, do crafts, do anything but be at the screen.

All the while, the kids were oblivious to everything but the screens, their fingers a frenzy at the buttons. Kevin has worked with addicts, and to him, these kids looked just like addicts.

He told me, “The grandma said she wishes the things had never been given to the children and now it's ‘impossible’ to take them away.”

Just days before Lydia’s birthday, Kevin was suddenly inspired to introduce Lydia to his own childhood passion: stamp collecting. The two of them can sit for hours together.She picks out her favorites. He finds their places in the big collecting book, sticks them in, and reads her the little stories about them.

I’m happy that the soft strains of Waldorf continue to play in our home, supporting the whole family through her Lydia’s nine year change and beyond. Kevin is glad to have come up with something “educational.” Lydia loves these ultimate stickers with their tiny portraits and landscapes. Even more, she’s pleased that with the stamps come an even better gift - the gift of Dad-time.

As a follow-up, Alison sent this link to an article about the effect of electronic games on reading - not very surprising to us Waldorf folks!

February 08, 2010

Thank you to all who responded to my earlier blog on Teens and Texting. I think this is a huge topic - one which I will return to again and again. And if you haven't responded to my original blog entry, I encourage you to add your voice now!

My main concern is that parents think through the whole issue of how their children's lives - how their families' lives - will be affected by use of technology such as cell phones by their children. And it is no good thinking about it after the fact!

And this also means pre-empting generous inlaws and others from giving cell phones and similar machines to your children. You need to think it through and you and your spouse need to be on the same page with this. A friend of mine thought she was on top of this one - delayed cell phone use in her eldest son and daughter until they were 16 and 14 and in high school. Well, she sent dearest husband out to the store to buy the phones - and guess what? There was a great offer of three phones for the price of two which he couldn't pass up. So the twelve year old also was presented with a phone - which has been a huge problem in that particular family.

I've been amused recently to hear a song playing on the radio by Lady Gaga - not someone I really thought I'd have positive things to say about in the context of this blog or my work....! She has a new song called Telephone and it's basically about her telling her friends (or whoever they are) to stop calling her while she's out having fun dancing at a club! OK - so there's a line about not thinking and leaving one's head on the dance floor which I will pretend to ignore - simply because I am so overjoyed at the idea of someone like her who, like it or not, is looked up to by millions of teens across the globe, setting a limit on cell phone use! Yes - while out having fun one should not allow oneself to be constantly interrupted. So a little bit of a "yay" for Lady Gaga (a very little bit....)

So think about it. Really carefully. And think about your own use of a cell phone (if you have one - I refuse to own one as I have no desire to be on call all the time - if I'm away from the land line, then people can just leave a message). Think about how your children see you use yours. Are you truly present for them and for other people? Can you create boundaries for yourself and let your children see that? Are you overly reliant on the phone or can you figure things out yourself - while we're at it, do you use a GPS device or can you use your own memory, and common sense to find things? I can remember being on a bus ride with my sons and husband a couple of years ago - the GPS unit on the bus malfunctioned and the driver was completely lost. It took my husband (who is English and has never been to that part of this country before) to use his own sense for direction, landmarks and common sense to help the driver find our destination. My sons were very impressed by this.

So...technology is good - absolutely! But it need to be mastered by us - and not be our master. And children - even teens - are not yet in the stage of life when they can truly master such things.

January 17, 2010

Beware! My goodness - how those innocent looking little machines can take over one's life! This is a plea for parents to think very, very carefully before getting their teenager a cell phone. As for those parents contemplating getting one for any child younger than 14....well, I just think that such a move is a major mistake.

My sons are 16 and 18 and both have had their cell phones for less than a year. My eldest has a plan whereby he only uses his phone to text and cannot call out - he can only receive calls. He uses it to text - but only from time to time as he arranges to meet up with friends. This seems an entirely sensible and healthy relationship to a cell phone. He plays no games on it, watches no movies - has no "apps" to do a million things to keep him distracted from real life. For him in the living situation he has, his cell is a necessity as he has no land line. And he uses it like a necessity, like a useful modern tool. He does not live his life with it plastered to his ear or frantically gripped between his hands, feverishly texting.

My younger son got a cell phone at 16. At first he also only used it to set up meetings with friends and to get calls from his father and I. But then....a girlfriend appeared and suddenly texting became a major part of his life. Now he was in a totally different realm of communication and expectations. One evening he later counted that his girlfriend and he had texted each other over 80 times. Conversations with him would be interrupted by the phone's insistent buzz; he'd be sitting quietly reading and suddenly he'd get a text - which, due to the nature of the beast, HAS to be answered right then and there. One night I went into his room late to get something and there he was asleep - with his cell phone on and next to his head on his pillow!

The next morning I of course challenged him - he knows about the health risks of cell phones - he has already experienced how ill he feels at night if he leaves his WiFi connection on so he respects the ill effects of electricity. But...."she" was going through a hard time and might need him. In the middle of the night? I asked. Yes, was the mournful reply. Tough, I said. Cell phones on pillows get confiscated - and that's that, even if you are 16 and paid for the thing yourself. This is about health and there's no two ways about it. He agreed.

We had a long discussion and I urge you to consider some of these points with regard to your children and teens (and all feedback to this blog article is heartily welcome!). What does it mean to be always on call for someone? Where is the space to reflect and to have time apart? What does it do to one's powers of concentration and to one's inner peace if one constantly allows oneself to be interrupted by outside distractions such as a call or a text? Is communication by text the right way to share deep feelings and personal information? What is the difference between talking to someone face to face - or even hearing their voice on the phone - and via a text? Does it truly help someone who is experiencing the difficulties of life to be able to constantly be in contact with someone else - could this not distract that person from looking inward for the strength and wisdom to sort out her problems?

We actually have had many such conversations - and with my support Gabriel's own inner sensibleness has asserted itself and he has curbed his cell phone use. And, even when he is not able to do this, he is able to think about what he is doing and to become increasingly aware of the unhealthiness of cell phone-dependence. For both of my sons, nothing makes them sit up and take notice more than the realization that something is a hindrance on their inner freedom and autonomy - and they both see clearly through the illusion of independence that technology such as cell phones provide (and obviously there are situation where cell phones are useful as with my eldest son. I am not a Luddite!).

But it is not easy - addictive behaviors are notoriously hard to overthrow - as every smoker, over eater, gambler, shopaholic and so on knows. Cell phone dependency is just another in a long list of addictive "pleasures" or "conveniences" that we can unthinkingly overwhelm our children with. And as hard as it is for an adult to resist the lure of cell phone culture, think how much harder it is for a teenager who has not yet fully incarnated into his "I" sense (in anthroposophy we understand that the "I" does not fully incarnate into the individuality until the age of 21).

My sons are not as totally swamped by teen culture as some youngsters are - not by a long shot. They know nothing of the cliques and peer pressure and media-cult dominated life that many teenagers here in America suffer under. And so when I am horrified by the inroads cell phone use has made in my 16 year old's life, I can't help but gasp when I consider what is "normal" for most teens - and children younger than that - in this country. Gabriel's experience is mild compared to most. I won't catalogue all the excesses of cell phone use in children and teens. But I will ask the question - are parents giving serious consideration to the effect that cell phone use has on children and teens as they move into the most socially vulnerable time of their lives? Are people really thinking about the effect on how children meet one another, soul to soul? Are they thinking about the effect of cell phones on concentration, on inner quiet, on the ability to not merely react but to consider and reflect?

Please parents - think carefully before you let your child have a cell phone. It is actually possible to say "no" to such things. Maybe by 16 or 17 a teen should have a cell phone so he or she can use it and a parent can support them as they find a healthy relationship to its use. But before? Beware.