Show those motherf*ckers you're serious!™

October 03, 2004

The Sayings of Chairman Terry

Our liberal friends often write to ReverseVoteSwap.org to remind us that the Democratic Party isn't solely made up of cynical, corporate-controlled politicians like John Kerry. That's true. It's also made up of cynical, corporate-controlled machine bureaucrats like Chairman Terry McAuliffe of the Democratic National Committee.

The Chairman assumed the leadership post in 2001, catapulting the Democrats to unprecedented levels of fundraising and losing elections. You can learn more about this important figure at the Chairman's Corner, which details the Chairman's heroic struggle to transform the Democratic Party from a pro-business party to a fanatically pro-business party. You can also enjoy a delightful photo of Bill Clinton ogling Natalie Portman's cleavage.

In order to better communicate key Democratic values, the Party is launching a new book, Quotations from Chairman Terry, which collects the Leader's most significant bits of wisdom for easy reference. ReverseVoteSwap.org has obtained the thrilling cover image, which we submit for your consideration.

We also cannot refrain from leaking some material from the manuscripts.

Liberalism is extremely harmful in a liberal party. It is a corrosive which eats away unity, undermines cohesion, causes apathy and creates dissension. It robs the consultant ranks of compact organization and strict discipline, prevents policies from being carried through and alienates the Party organizations from the masses which the Party leads. It is an extremely bad tendency.

One requirement of Party discipline is that the minority should submit to the white guy. If the view of the minority has been rejected, it must support the decision of the white guy. If necessary, it can bring up the matter for reconsideration at the next meeting, but it won't do any good.

The Democratic method of resolving contradictions among the people is epitomized in the formula "unity, shut the fuck up, unity". To elaborate, it means starting from the desire for unity, resolving contradictions through shutting the fuck up, and arriving at a new unity on the old basis. In our experience this is the correct method of resolving contradictions among the people.

This fine manual of tactics will surely explain how Kerry won by moving to the Right; or, in the event that he loses, how he didn't move far enough to the Right.