a journey through [the bizarre world of] gestational surrogacy

Tag: love

I’m wide eyed tonight when I should be settling for sleep. Instead, I’m laying here. I’m praying about tomorrow and feeling excited. I might even be a little giddy with ideas of things that might be in store this year for our TDB journey. I’m also so terrified of it all at the exact same time.

It’s a been a really long road so far – and the end feel so very far away still. Discouragement has crept in more than I care to admit lately. It’s just so hard to hope for something that seems so far away. Sometimes it seems like all the things we’re doing, planning, and working so hard to achieve are so small – like tiny drops in a huge not-so-full bucket.

Then I remember something. This bucket must fill slowly, for its story is so tenderly and purposefully being filled with each and every little drop. We are in this waiting, filling place now on such a big labor of love. This big, once empty bucket, is filling steadily with an inspiring stream of drops. I remember: the bigger the bucket the longer it takes to fill.

Tomorrow I want to meet the day with hope and optimism, but I’d lie to you if said that spirit will be a natural one to ease into as the sun rises. My longing is intense tonight. The ache for a child to call my own is deep. Even though my doubts and fears feel so much bigger today than I wish they would, I will to force myself to continually remember this odd-shaped and ginormous bucket is already sofull of hope.

Tomorrow afternoon, I will sit with my dearest and bravest souls to make plans for the how rest of the 2016 calendar of events will shape up. I can finally rest tonight, in the mist of all I feel, knowing that however they pour out someday, these little drops of hope will tell the story of a great bucket-full kind of love.

You wouldn’t know so by my absence from posting, but these last several months have been full of bustle and hussle in Team Dream Baby land. Lots of things have changed and lots of progress has been made. None of it is very tangible or visible yet and discouragement is never but a breath away. This is not an easy adventure, Brave Ones. We’re so glad you’re traveling it with us!!

This winter, I embraced technology anew. I familiarized myself with the growing and vast world of virtual garage sales. I sold a bunch of the donated stuff to people and met them in various public parking lots in the NorthWest Burbs & beyond to the boarder of WI. Safety first, folks!

I bought a domain name, found a webhost, and learned (well, stilllearning) how to self-host a website. Note I emphasize here the still learning bit. I also researched (and very nearly launched) an online crowdfunding campaign. There was one hicupp after another on my technological learning curve…just when I thought I had it all figured out, something new popped up in a little window on the sidebar with arrows flashing. Oie!

The crowdfunding idea was not all as easy as I hoped. So for now, per advice from a lawyer we hired to advise in the legal implications of crowdfunding in our unique situation, we’ve suspended the plan to crowdfund. It may resurface in the future. We’ve decided that for now, we’ll take the fundraising bit at a slower pace. We aim in the next six months to build the Team Dream Baby up strong so that if or when we hit a crowdfunding platform, we’ll be in really good shape for that run!

Right now we are in the thick of non-virtual garage sales. Two weeks ago we had our first of 2015 and that pulled in a pleasing dollar amount considering the crap-tastic weather that met us for 1/2 the time. We have been abundantly blessed with donations to sell and its been super overwhelming. Right now, our garage resembles an episode of hoarders and we are forced to exclusively use the front door in order to exit or enter our home!! (Oh! The horror!!)

The second 2015 sale will begin this Thursday – there is rain in the forecast again. I found myself hopefully singing along with the Dad & his toddler son in the Target parking lot during a downpour today – Rain, rain, go away!!! Team Dream Baby wants to play!!! Come again, another day!! And…please…if you may…let that not be before Sunday!!