Boner Preview for February 14th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: YOU ARE JUST THE HOST

Republican Rep. Justin Humphrey, who was elected to represent Oklahoma’s 19th district in the state legislature last year, drafted House Bill 1441 on January 9, which states, “No abortion shall be performed in this state without the written informed consent of the father of the fetus.” Exceptions would be made if the pregnancy is a result of rape or incest ― though there are no details as to how a woman would have to prove that rape or incest occurred ― as well as if the woman’s life is put in danger by the pregnancy. According to the Intercept’s Jordan Smith, the bill was tabled without comment by the House Public Health Committee on Februrary 8, but appears to be on the Committee’s agenda for Tuesday. The Intercept also originally reported that Humphrey wrote the bill because men have been “excluded…from these kinds of decisions.” “I understand that [women] feel like that is their body,” he told the Intercept on February 8. He continued, saying that he prefers to call women “hosts”: I feel like it is a separate — what I call them is, is you’re a ‘host.’ And you know when you enter into a relationship you’re going to be that host and so, you know, if you pre-know that then take all precautions and don’t get pregnant. So that’s where I’m at. I’m like, hey, your body is your body and be responsible with it. But after you’re irresponsible then don’t claim, well, I can just go and do this with another body, when you’re the host and you invited that in.

Boner Candidate #2: WELL I DIDNT THINK THEY’D REALLY DO IT

Maker Studios, a division of Disney, just severed their deal with YouTube megastar Pewdiepie. They pointed to a (now-deleted) January 11 video in which Pewdiepie paid two men to hold up a sign that read, “Death To All Jews.” The Wall Street Journal reports that Pewdiepie had editorial independence in his deal, but this was a bridge too far. “Although Felix has created a following by being provocative and irreverent, he clearly went too far in this case and the resulting videos are inappropriate,” said a spokeswoman for Maker Studios. Disney bought Maker in 2014 for $675 million. After Pewdiepie threatened to leave in 2016, Maker hung onto him by partnering with him so he could create his own entertainment network called Revelmode. The idea was to give Pewdiepie and his friends a platform to create videos, games, apps, and merchandise. “Although Felix has created a following by being provocative and irreverent, he clearly went too far in this case and the resulting videos are inappropriate.” YouTube, meanwhile, declined to comment on Pewdiepie’s recent videos. However, their policy toward this kind of thing is more lenient than Disney’s. “If content is intended to be provocative or satirical, it may remain online,” they said. “If the uploader’s intent is to incite violence or hatred it will be removed.”

Boner Candidate #3: PERHAPS THE CHILDREN CAN STOP FOR A SNACK DURING MATCHES

Members of a North-east community have been left ‘baffled’ after a council planted fruit trees in the middle of their local playing field. Residents in Logie Durno, near Inverurie, say they were not consulted on the move by Aberdeenshire Council. Steven Jaffray, who runs the Logie Durno Community Hall near the playing field, said the outdoor space is frequently used by the local school and others in the community. He said: “Unless Aberdeenshire Council has added the trees for extra dribbling practice, I think it’s ridiculous. “We are all for green space, but this has been completely without any consultation and right in the middle of these goal posts. “It’s so strange, I just can’t understand the thinking behind it – especially plonking them right in the pitch. It’s baffling to say the least.” Logie Durno residents have contacted the council in their droves, demanding they remove the poorly positioned trees as soon as possible and patch up the holes made on the playing field.

Boner Candidate #4: WELL, I KNEW I WAS GOING TO BE IN TOWN TO PARTY, SO……

A wannabe party boy mailed himself a care package containing crystal meth while on vacation in sunny Florida because he never tried it before and was “in town to party,” cops said. The drugs were delivered to The Inn in Key West last Wednesday wrapped in dirty socks and paper, police spokeswoman Alyson Crean told Florida Keys News. The return address had the name Robert Dean Bare, who was not registered as a guest at the time. Hotel management called the cops after opening the box. Once Bare, 24, of Bullhead City, Ariz., finally arrived at the Inn, he picked up the package from an undercover officer posing as a manager—and was promptly arrested. He told cops he’d never used meth before but wanted to try it “because he was in town to party,” said Crean. Bare was charged with suspicion of possession of methamphetamine, possession of drug paraphernalia and resisting arrest. He was released on $19,000 bond.

Boner Candidate #5: THERE’S NO SMARTS LIKE STREET SMARTS

A day after students dressed up for “Thug Thursday” at a Utah high school, the principal has apologized to parents and students for the “very inappropriate” Spirit Week celebration. This week at Olympus High School, students have been encouraged to dress according to themes, such as ” ‘Merica Monday,” “Tropical Tuesday” and “Workout Wednesday.” But Thursday’s event, where students were encouraged to dress like “thugs,” was met with controversy. In a written apology addressed to the Olympus High Community, Principal Steve Perschon apologized for the “culturally insensitive” activity, which he said promoted negative and inaccurate stereotypes. “This activity does not reflect the feelings or values of our school and community,” Perschon wrote. “… My apologies to any member of our school and community who were made to feel unsafe, unvalued or denigrated in any way, shape or form.”

Boner Candidate #6: THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN AND THINGS ARE PRETTY CRAZY HERE ON THE FLIGHT DECK

A United Airlines pilot started ranting about her divorce and the state of politics over her plane’s intercom just before takeoff — then told passengers they could get lost if they didn’t like it, according to video and passengers. The apparently emotionally distressed pilot, who was dressed in a baseball cap and street clothes, went on her bizarre Saturday morning diatribe aboard her plane at Austin-Bergstrom International Airport in Texas, babbling over its PA system minutes before its scheduled takeoff for San Francisco. “Don’t worry, I’m going to let my co-pilot fly – he’s a man,” the female pilot said at one point, according to the video. “If you don’t feel safe, you can get off!” she sneered, prompting several passengers to jump out of their seats and head for the exit. “Did I purposely offend you? The answer is yes!” she added. The pilot was eventually removed from the flight, and another was brought on board, officials and witnesses said.
Passenger Randy Reiss was among those tweeting about the bizarre incident.