NHS to move offshore in tax dodge

Following the revelation that 25 civil servants may have paid 18% less tax as a result of having their salaries paid into personal holding companies, Health Secretary Andrew Lansley today revealed plans to increase the NHS budget by 18% by moving all the money offshore to a company controlled by a Nigerian benefactor.

"I've received the firmest assurances possible from Mr Poverty Egboko," Mr Lansley told stunned MPs, "who will take good care of the money for us. Freed from UK corporation tax, it should grow very satisfactorily, thereby securing the future of the NHS."

Under the scheme, the NHS will receive a postal order each week for the next five years to meet its expenses. A last minute hitch arose because Mr Egboko planned to send it on Friday, when Mr Lansley was concerned there would be insufficent time to get it to a Post Office before the weekend, but finally Mr Egboko agreed to make the payments on Thursdays instead.