lenses ground to your prescription-all for a negotiated price of about $22. Speaking of vision, the Shanghai government gives tax breaks to blind masseurs, who, according to many lo- cals, provide the best and cheapest kneading in town (Feining Massage Center of Blind Persons, 597 Fu Xing Road; Song Song Massage Center, 6 Da Pu Road; Jing Xuan Blind Man's Massage, 674 Yi Shan Road). A forty- five-minute foot massage is about $8; a forty-five-minute body massage is about $14. Based on the foot massage I en- dured, though, 1'd recommend that you first learn the Chinese words for "Ow, not so hard." I cannot tell you the name of my masseur, because, in keeping with Chinese custom, service people are identified only by number. T he Chinese went to the trouble of inventing porcelain, so the least we can do is shop for it. Remember, in "Measure for Measure," when Pompey says, "They are not China dishes, but very good dishes"? Some scholars in- terpret this to mean that Shakespeare loved to rummage through the pottery warehouse at 457 Fang Bang Road for bogus Ming blanc-de-Chine plates and ersatz celadon vases from the Song dynasty (from $7). Methinks, how- ever, that he was trying to say he pre- ferred the creatively proportioned and reasonably priced ceramics at the aus- terely appointed shop Spin (758 Julu Road, Building No.3). A bowl with delicate holes on one side looks like it could be the work of artful moths ($11). A block of plaster is cleverly chiselled so as to partially reveal its inner vase of pale green (in three sizes: $10, $70, $84). A large round white charger decomposes into sectional plates and resembles a jigsaw puzzle of a pizza ($928). At the Y u Garden Jiang Nan Silk Center, you can watch artisans turn co- coons into silk thread. But the truly mi- raculous thing is the way they managed to compress all the silk quilts I bought into a parcel practically the size of a box of matzo (125 JiuXiao Chang Road, but find it with someone who knows this part of town, as the address is used by dozens of shops surrounding the Yu Garden; $55 to $116, depending on weight). Never mind that there is all the tea in China at the Tianshan market (520 Zhongshan Xi Road); the truth is, after a few days I started to get tired of wrangling for phenomenal deals. So I was relieved to be taken to Song Fang, a serene, French-owned tea house with non-negotiable prices and a collection of tea caddies painted to look like they are from the Cultural Revolution (227 Y ongjia Road; $12 to $46 for 50 grams). The tearoom up- stairs, decorated with bamboo bird- cages used as lanterns, has free wireless Internet access. After checking your e-mail, you can take a stroll in the French Concession. In the mid-nine- teenth century, this neighborhood was granted to the French for them to live in, govern, and do with whatever they pleased. Much of what pleased them took place in brothels and shall go un- described here. (A hundred and forty years ago, the price of a hooker tended to be ten times the price of a haircut.) Today, the chic enclave has boulevards lined with leafy plane trees imported from Europe in the nineteenth cen- tury, plenty of fresh baguettes, shops that stay open until ten, and a beauty parlor called Yuppies Hair Salon. In what was formerly a candy fac- tory on Taikang Road and spilling out into the surrounding alleys, there are a number of hip boutiques. I was en- thralled with the collection in a shop called J aooh, especially a white cot- ton jersey dress with an attached asym- metrical brown-and-white checked linen vest (Shop 47, Lane 248; $87). At Jooi, a polyester Rooney the Rat bag-so called in honor of the year of that rodent-is pretty nifty, too (Shop 3, Lane 210; $33). T he astonishingly encyclopedic se- lection of bootleg DVDs and boxed sets at a little outlet called Movie World are a genuine steal (378 Dagu Road). Across the street is Even Better Than Movie World, which is true to its name (407 Dagu Road). You can pick up a collection of the Coen brothers' h f " L " oeuvre, seasons one to tree 0 ost, or just about any other movie or TV show ever shown or about to be shown ($7, $22, $1 to $2). Before you start thinking about setting up a nice little DVD-import business from your home office, though, note this: the United States Customs and Border Protection allows returning travellers to bring into the country only one counterfeitlgray- k O l " f h " mar et artIc e 0 eac type. I have no idea, however, what the policy is regarding the dead sea horses and powdered bear bile that are for sale in big glass jars behind the counter at Tong Han Chun Tang, established in 1783 (268 Zhong Shan Zhong Road). Or the Nourish the Ovary Defer De- crepitude pills and Onlly Smart-Brain Liquid at the Shanghai No. 1 Dispen- sary (various locations). When I first arrived in Shanghai, I was puzzled by the sight of grown men moseying through the streets in T eddy- bear-patterned pajamas. That was be- fore someone explained the semiotics to me. Now I know: such a man either has finished work for the day or is having a .,:.. HoLMs"$ '1 miss hating the city. "