During the Redskins' Week 8 game in Pittsburgh, Mike Shanahan left his unlocked briefcase in an open locker. Not the smartest move, but one assumes the visitors' locker room is inviolable. After the game, an ugly whipping, Shanahan checked his stuff—and found $3,700 in cash and his passport missing. What Mike Shanahan was planning to do with $3,700 and a passport, only he and Tijuana know. (He said the Redskins' bye week was "productive.")

Shanahan was "visibly upset," according to the Tribune-Review. Despite stadium security telling him no one had come in or out of the locker room during the game, Shanahan insisted on filing a report with Pittsburgh police.

Can we pause for a minute and imagine if someone had burgled the visiting locker room in Pittsburgh? That's the sort of thing that would have been brought up for years in the sort of ad hominem trash talk that makes football so fun. The NFL would have had a fresh batch of anti-Steeler talking points unseen since Ben Roethlisberger's...unpleasantness. There would have been recriminations, re-recriminations, Washington's crime rate would have been brought up—it would have been a good time over all.

But alas, there was no larceny. A day after filing the police report, someone from the Redskins called the police and sheepishly told them Shanahan's cash and passport had been found in another bag. The only crime here was forgetfulness.