Paris Hilton is an awesome friend

Paris Hilton announced that Christina Aguilera is pregnant to a crowded Club LAX in Las Vegas over the weekend. While Christina has been seen with a noticeable bump, she has not yet publicly confirmed the pregnancy. Fortunately saints like Paris Hilton exist and have no sense of decorum. Us Magazine reports:

“Congratulations to the most beautiful pregnant woman in the world, you’re gorgeous,” Hilton, 26, said to the packed crowd, while Aguilera, 26 (whose video ‘Candy Man’ is up for Best Director at the MTV VMAs) sat nearby in uncomfortable silence.

Paris then went on to announce other obvious facts including the sky is blue, the grass is green and she has herpes. And also something about my abs being incredibly chiseled. I believe “sculpted steel” were her exact words.

-afterall.
PS – I have a pet pigeon that could help you with that anyway. Or maybe my mom will let you move into our basement, and we could raise those little buggers as our own. They’ll be pretty cute after you wean them off of your lovely manboobs. They already look like you my sweet!!!

Old Man……….
No, I already told your Mommy, that I don’t like fucking crack whores like her, they’re nasty and unclean. You need to help her wash that shit once in a while. As for your pigeon, squab is real good for breakfast. Fried squab and eggs, yummy.

Old Man,
I heard Chris and Dateline are in town, so you had best control your urges and lay low. If not they’ll catch you and send you off to jail to be someone’s little prison bitch. Oh wait, I fucking forgot; that IS what you want to happen. Just remember, in prison, you’ll be the one catching and not pitching, with no wrap-around either.

Perhaps they could make things better by cutting out her tongue. And then continue with the rest of her head.
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