Emmy Award-winning writer Frank Lesser (The Colbert Report) brings to life humorous stories about the undead ... and the unloved. //.Warning: Do not read this book if you have recently experienced monster-related heartbreak, especially if that heartbreak involved a werewolf and could better be described as “heart-gnaw.” //. If a vampire broke up with you, your pet gremlin had to be put to sleep, or you regret undergoing that exorcism, reading this book may reopen old wounds, in many cases literally.

Succubus in search of physical relationship — No strings attached — (Lower East Side)
Saw you sleeping last weekend when I was drawn to your bedchamber by your darkest desires. But the timing wasn’t right — I had just gotten out of another nocturnal visitation. Please write me back. I’m desperate to enter your room while you slumber, have my way with you, and spawn human-demon hybrids with your seed. And then maybe spoon?

I want you inside me — (Williamsburg)
Sorry I called that exorcist. I don’t know — I think I just freaked out because things were moving so fast. Specifically, my head around my body. Willing to give it another shot, if you’re not already seeing the insides of someone else.

Basement of the Metropolitan museum — (Upper East Side) You: Rugged archaeologist, with Indiana Jones–meets-naughty-priest vibe. Me: Introverted demon of unspeakable evil, lurking within ancient artifact forged in the furnace of a thousand shrieking souls. Saw you yesterday in the storage room and immediately wanted to inhabit your body, but was too shy. Interested in dinner? I’ll cook, if you bring the still-beating human heart.

Monkey’s paw needs helping hand — (Jackson Heights)
Swami, where are you? You only used one wish, then disappeared the next day. Was it something I said/granted in an unexpectedly horrifying manner?