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The Memenets

Not since we partied like it was 1999 or enjoyed 1967’s Summer of Love has the international media horde descended on San Francisco to try to explain to the rest of the world about how exciting it can be here! New York Magazine, maybe questioning their faith in the widespead belief among New Yorkers that they live at the center of the universe, has turned the volume up to 11 articles about San Francisco in their latest issue. The lead photo for the series is of nudists Gypsy Taub and Jaymz Smith, identified by the Chronicle’s Ellen Huet, followed by the above illustration which shows a good deal of artistic license taken with local geography. (Seriously, it’s like there was no attempt whatsoever to actually connect the legend with the map, but then New Yorkers have always struggled with perspective.)

Honestly, after reading Kevin Roose’s lead story, “Is San Francisco New York,” we didn’t have any fucks left to give about the rest of the articles, so we’ll leave it up to SFist’s Jay Barmann to explain why, to New York Magazine’s apparent dismay, our new money douchebros are slightly less overtly awful than their new money douchebros:

But it’s true, we are less inclined to embrace asshole behavior, unapologetic displays, and the giddy capitalist fervor that has made Manhattan a bohemia-free retail Disneyland where no one ever thought twice about bulldozing a building to build something newer and bigger.

What do you think, are you proud of all the attention and feel it validates your decision to stay or do you wish everyone would just go away and let us fight over real estate development amongst ourselves in peace?

At its core, San Francisco is a city that aspires to attach fantastic creativity to bitchy notes reminding people not to block its collective driveway. But in all my time, I've not once seen someone apply this choice Big Lebowski quote to their garage.

Last night San Francisco’s Juggathological community and the merely Juggalo-curious were treated to an advanced screening of Whoop Dreams at the Roxie. The film, still in production, documents five friends’ foray into the annual Gathering of the Juggalos, which today was announced to be moving to Missouri in 2014.

As Uptown Almanac’s Senior Juggalo Reporter, I could not be more fascinated by this subculture—built around a rap group made up of men in clown makeup flummoxed by magnetism. Judging by the speed at which the Kickstarter to make Whoop Dreams was funded, and the packed house at the sneak peek, I’m not alone. The Roxie made the event all the more festive by stocking the concession stand with Faygo:

What we got to see last night was more-or-less the final cut of the film, with a stand-in soundtrack to set the mood in place of an original score, which will be added before the film’s official release.

Whoop Dreams promises “sex, drugs, clowns, boobies, dildos, and people hurting themselves for the sake of their Juggalo family,” and for the most part, the film delivered. With what the trailer teased, I was fully expecting a feature-length shitshow, but what we got was surprisingly tame (even with the extreme nipple torture).

Whoop Dreams may just be the most polite movie about Juggalos you’ll ever see.

How did this happen? Well, as five relatively clean-cut bros in a sea of tatted ninjas and ninjettes, their strength in numbers may have kept them from assimilating into The Family. Coupled with the great care they all took not to mock Juggalo culture, there’s a noticable distance to the film. It’s this neutral stance that is Whoop Dreams’ only weakness. Metaphorically speaking, the guys merely dipped their toes in Hepatitis Lake. During the Q & A, it was also revealed that the guys captured less footage then they’d hoped—only 8 hours in 3 days (they got their fill of family and bounced a day early). And they were only able to allude to a lot of the sex and drugs they witnessed due to their own diligence in getting signed release forms from their subjects.

Despite its lack of teeth, I still really enjoyed Whoop Dreams. Honestly, I love Juggalo culture so much that I was bound to be satisfied by any glimpse into the Gathering. No doubt the rest of the audience last night felt the same. There were plenty of big laughs during the screening and we basically had to be kicked out of the Roxie because the Q&A ran over its allotted time but nobody wanted to budge. And with the guys collecting feedback forms in earnest, there will likely be a few tweaks made before the final version of Whoop Dreams is unleashed on the masses.

My feedback? I think the movie could be improved by including postmortem interviews with each of the guys describing their experiences documenting the crazy shit they saw. These could then be incorporated as voice over to boost some scenes that need additional explanation. (For example: a slow-motion montage of ladies oil wrestling makes a lot more sense when you know that the wrestlers were not the ladies originally hired for the event, but willing Juggalettes who stepped in when the professionals went on strike.) I know they’re planning on creating bonus commentary for the DVD—so why not put the best soundbites in the feature as well?

If they had it to do over again (which the guys emphatically stated they have no interest in), they’d also be better off sending only Matt Lieb and Laremy Legel, who seemed the most down with the clown…or at least into the adventure of it all.

How Whoop Dreams stacks up in the cannon of Juggathological film remains to be seen, but for right now I give it two enthusiastic Whoops. Until I see the final cut, I’m leaving my titties in my shirt.

While perhaps not as cool as a duodecuple rainbow (I googled it), a new Rhea's sandwich loosely based on the number 12, or 12% bulk vitamins as Rainbow Grocery, Mother Nature just gave the Mission an exclusive 12/12/12 look at her mythical and Instagram-illuminating creation, the double rainbow.

In all likelihood, this double rainbow was created by the government to distract us from this weekend's unexplained and absolutely real UFO sighting.

A spokesman for the Academy of Sciences could not be reached for comment.

Have you ever seen a Golden Gate sunset video? No? Well there's about a million of 'em on YouTube, in case you were interested. See, every tourist upon visiting San Francisco busts out their inner Michael Bay and records some sweet vid of the sun setting against our fine bridge and uploads it for their friends and family to awe at.

Apparently this bird got fed up with seeing this harmless shit go down day after day and decided to do something about it. Fortunately for us, the camera's owners found the device and uploaded the resulting video for all their friends and family to awe at:

Pop-culture pun genius and also artist Justin Hager currently has a bunch of drawings up in Emmy's Spaghetti Shack (as if you needed another reason to visit Emmy's). And should you want need one of these hanging up on your own wall, it'll set you back a lean $120.

This is the latest tune by Kalle Mattson. And if my post title wasn't a strong enough encouragement, let me reiterate: watch this hypnotic look at San Francisco now. Unless you're hungover. Then you should wait.