Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
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Fred Fox Ace Reporter. Fred, what's with this conspiracy story you wrote about climate change being a hoax? You're a disgrace to journalism! Fred, you falsely demonized undocumented immigrants as a horde of dangerous criminals. We do reporting into genocidal incitement! Fred you killed a story about the president paying hush money to a porn star in order to protect him. You're fired! Actually, I'm not a person - I'm a whole cable news channel! Oh! In that case, you're a different equally-valid perspective. Carry on!

Campus Carry. It's the hot new trend sweeping America's public colleges: Allowing concealed weapons on campus! Because no college student is ever depressed, guns will only be used for protection. $100,000 in debt. Enjoy enhanced theme parties! Wild West Night. Hold still, brah! Great for late-night slice defense. Step away from the pie. Relish the surprise of finding your gun in your messy dorm room! Blam! Oh, there it is! Oh, who are we kidding? This will be the real "Campus Carry."

Then I was in the bathtub. He probably carried me out of the bathroom. Then I was in the bed and he was on top of me. I remember nothing more. When he was gone I came to, I recall feeling vaginal soreness and an awareness that sex had happened. (This is a long form cartoon. To see next panels, use "Image Number" box at left and enter 124879.)

March of Doom. Feb. 2003: People march on seven continents in an effort to stop the Iraq war. This will be a disaster. No blood for oil! Sept. 2014: Genocidal maniacs fill power vacuum in Iraq. Kurdish refugees flee. Who could known? Sept. 2014: People march around the world begging leaders to address climate change. No flood for oil! This will be a disaster. In a few decades: Welcome to Miami-Dade County. Dengue Fever-carrying mosquitoes. Who coulda known?

The Right To Bear Bags. And now a word from the plastics industry: You may have heard some trash talk lately about plastic shopping bags. Some cities have even banned them! Time for some facts. "So plastic bags gum up recycling machinery, and New York City alone dumps 100,000 tons of them into landfills each year." "That is nothing compared to your right to carry individually-wrapped slices of American cheese in a plastic package in a plastic bag." Krapft Singles. "Why, if the polymer police get their way, this gorgeous living work of art some wrongly call the 'Pacific Garbage Patch' might not exist for out grandchildren!" Any new taxes on disposable sacks, and we're throwing re-usable totes into the Boston Harbor! Plastic Party Patriots. "Plastic Bags: Our Last Line of Defense Against Tyranny!"

Slowpoke. Great Moments In Equality. The glass ceiling cracked some more this week as Sarah Palin showed female politicians can be WORLD-CLASS lying scumbags. For so long, the people have asked "Where are the great female liars in politics?" Well, Sarah Palin had proven those sexists wrong! Pamela Tutwillow. Historian of Presidential Prevarication. "This strong, proud, defiant woman is clearly not afraid to stand up and tell the untruth!" I said "Thanks but no thanks" to the Bridge to Nowhere! Our enemies in Iraq planned and carried out and rejoiced in the death of thousands of Americans. Even Bush admitted there was no link between Iraq and 9/11. You go girl! Next week: Will women ever close the shooting spree gap? We'll talk to one young lady who's GUNNING FOR GLORY! Keep the faith, sisters!

Slowpoke. Spreadin' the Manure. True: The White House has instructed the Dept. of Agriculture to work praise of Bush's foreign policy into speeches. Actual talking point. Agriculture is the heart and soul of a nation, and its importance should not be underestimated in the Iraqi's efforts to build a strong, self-sustaining democracy. Here are some other possible segueways ... When addressing sheep farmers: We all know there's nothing tastier than a rack of lamb. ... And speaking of Iraq, the President has a clear strategy for victory! Sheep produces of Okiedokie County. When addressing cattle ranchers: The fat veins in a well-marbled slice of beef remind me of rivers ... like the Euphrates and Tigris in Iraq - where, incidentally, the President has a clear strategy for victory! Caution: Try not to get too carried away. When I think of fruits and vegetables, I think of sprouting freedom in the Middle East ... Of land where spuds have replaced scuds ... Of dangling carrots of democracy ... Of the strong moral fiber of our President, who has a clear strategy for victory! Now, back to avocado prices ... Produce growers of Wahoochie County.

Slowpoke. Our government is run by people who hate government. What if other professions operated this oxymoronically? All day long these whining, sniveling weaklings come to me asking for help. People don’t need doctors - they should get well on their own! It's time to end "big medicine!" I hate business, so I'm plunging the company into bankruptcy as quickly as possible. "Starve the beast," as they say. CORPOBIZCO, Inc. We at Cloyota TM build out cars with just one wheel because we feel we shouldn't play too large a role in our customers' mobility. Committing a crime, I see. Lucky for you, I don't believe in law enforcement. In fact, I'm a safe-cracker myself. Carry on!