Thursday, September 25, 2014

Announcing and Not Announcing IVF

Since it's been a really long slog to get here, I figured I had to announce it at least to people who knew about the original surgery and have noticed that 2 years later there is still no kid.

I told my mom, my mother in law, my sister, a couple of friends, and my friend who did this herself six years ago. I have a decent amount of support. I have support to drive and call and that's in place now, so that's good. I also am so lucky that I don't have anyone in my family or extended familiy who has some bullshit opinion about IVF that I don't care about. My MIL was raised Catholic and I had to explain to her why the Catholic Church doesn't support IVF, so obviously they are terrible Catholics.

But I have a friend who doesn't "believe in" IVF. Let's call her Leah. Leah actually told me she was opposed to IVF when I told her I was on Clomid, like a million years ago. Dude, I'm just on Clomid, I said. It won't get that far. And she said that if it ever did she didn't want to hear about it. And it's her BFF who referred me to the first RE! Leah's BFF had twins at 42 with IVF. Of course, Leah had three kids in her early 20s easily.

I'm actually seeing Leah this weekend. Part of me wants to talk about it anyway. So maybe she doesn't believe in abortion or divorce or adultery or punching people in the face, but if your friend is going through that tough shit that you don't believe in, shouldn't you be there for them anyway? I've actually never had an ethical debate about IVF with anyone, and I'm not sure how it would go. Probably crying. Probably can't end well. So I'm suddenly glad she flagged me with this knowledge so I can lie for our mutual comfort, so I'll probably just tell her I'm still on Clomid. Or I could tell her the truth, I am now on BIRTH CONTROL!!! Nothing to see here.

Leah is actually an ex-Mormon who is skeptical and very critical of all religion her entire adult life. Mormons actually support IVF BTW. I'm not sure why she is opposed to it, but she really seemed passionate about it when talking to someone who was, at the time, only on Clomid.

My partner is Catholic and also had to look up the Church's position. Then after a week or so he dismissed it because he loves me more and he's not much of a Catholic anyway... but it's crap like that (and the fear of heightened expectations and constant questions from the "supportive" family) that keep me from telling. I've told exactly two friends - but even having one more person disappointed by the failed cycle was one too many.