Nolan, my sister, her husband, and I are taking a trip to New York tomorrow. It's a bus trip, 10 hours riding on a coach bus for the sake for 8 hours in the city. We're going because we used to do this when we were younger. We're doing this to reignite some old traditions that will, most likely, never fit into the mold of our lives now; but, god damnit if we don't try.

But this week, I've done a lot of baking. A lot of testing. A lot of trying to make the house warm with the oven on. A lot of convincing myself to keep moving forward, a direction I've always considered to be the better of the the two options available. And, to keep this post as short as possible so I can finish packing, here is a recipe I made this week. Goat cheese-stuffed buns, made with wheat and studded with walnuts. A little bit of the warmest flavors I could find in the fridge to stave off the cold from coming too close to our kitchen.

In a small saucepan, heat milk, water, and butter until butter is completely melted. Stir to combine and transfer to your stand mixer’s bowl. Let stand until temperature reaches 110*F

Add yeast and salt

Let stand for 10 minutes or until yeast is bubbling

While mixture is resting, sift together flours

Turn on stand mixer, fitted with a dough hook, and add your egg and honey

With mixer still on, add your flour mixture, about a ½ cup at a time, until a shaggy dough forms (depending on your wheat flour used and altitude, you may require just a little less flour than this recipe calls for)

Turn out onto a floured work surface and knead for about 6 minutes or until dough is springy to the touch

Place in an oiled bowl and let rest for one hour at room temperature

After your hour has elapsed, preheat oven to 400*F and grease a 9-inch pan thoroughly. Also, cut your goat cheese into 8 pieces or so

Punch dough down and divide into 8 or 9 pieces

Pat each piece of dough flat with the palms of your hands and place a piece of goat cheese in the center

Form a ball with the dough, leaving the goat cheese in the center

Place in your pan

Repeat with remaining dough

Now, whisk your extra yolk with a teaspoon of water to create your egg wash. Brush a bit on top of each dough ball

Press a walnut in the center of each ball, if desired, as well

Bake for 25 to 30 minutes, or until golden brown

Serve immediately for a melt, delicious warm bun. But, these can keep and be reheated for up to two days in an airtight container

Thank you to Red Star Yeast for sponsoring this post. I believe in using quality products when it comes to baking and I am always confident my dough will rise beautifully with Red Star! Check out the active dry yeast I used for this recipe and others on their website, follow them on instagram and like their Facebook!

It used to be too hard for me to look back on a year and see how it changed me. It was weird, to think that the pebble that skipped between one spot and another could create either too many ripples or not enough. In California, between ages 20 and 24, I grew up; but it was in a fractious way that I still have a limp from nowadays. I'm learning from that, though.

But now I look back at a year and see where I am and it is both humbling and terrifying and satisfying all in one. A year ago, I was living at home and Nolan was living at his parents', too, and we would see each other once in a while and drink and fall asleep. A year ago, I was sequestered to my old childhood bedroom while I saved up and figured out what I wanted out of life and a relationship and if we were buying a house or moving somewhere new again. A year ago, there was a lot more silence in my life and a lot less to do during the day. A year ago, everything was different and uncomfortable and I wasn't ready to move forward.

Now--now we have a house and the dogs and the chickens and the land. I have room to stretch in bed and still be cuddled by the person I am going to marry. My hair is grown out and curled and I tend to wear old flannel shirts and there's usually dirt under my nails. We garden now, picking from our little bed the lettuce and radishes and onions we'll have for dinner. Nolan's dad planted them when we first moved in. We throw our scraps to the chickens and eat the rest. Just another thing we take care of, just another responsibility we have for our land.

We have only the smallest recollection of How It Used to Be. And we savor the mornings with cups of coffee and the nights with a beer and everything in between is working towards a goal now--whether that goal is painting or fencing or just pulling out the sofa bed and watching movies for three days. It's all there to make us happy; to make others happy, too. The only part of us that still exists from a year ago is that Nolan still smokes the same brand of cigarettes and I still have a flair for dramatics. Everything else is different.

A year can really change a person or two.

And each year it seems like we take a small vacation in the summer for something with food. Last year, we spent a couple days in Charleston, WV to tour the JQ Dickinson Salt Works. This year, we are heading to Vermont on Friday to go see Vermont Creamery, so i thought what better way to begin celebrating than with a goat cheese scone. And to commemorate our growth in a year, to look at how a year can change two people, I added radishes from our garden. Spicy and plump and terribly beautiful, they added an element to the scones that naturally flavored them beyond the usual salt and pepper of my upbringing.

Enjoy.

Dill, Goat Cheese, and Radish Scones

This recipe is a riff on last week's post for my shortcake scone. This is a savory version, so either you can really use as a base and just swap out the flavorings with whatever your heart desires.

So far, this year is cold. My mother makes coffee for me before she goes to work or babysits my niece. This is the last week I'll be at my childhood home. And while it has been a year of change, it's been a year of stagnation. I couldn't grow in this house I grew up in. I spent dinners in the living room, my father with the TV too loud and my mother baby-talking one of her cats. It never felt like the days went by, but the sun would blink lazily in the summer and I spent the better part of autumn away from them. They asked too many questions and never the right ones and I am happy to move to my own place again within a week.

I guess it is part of being 25, picking up pieces of who you grew to be, knowing how threadbare I left things before moving away.

I changed in many ways and I am exactly the same in others. I still ask for pumpkin pie on my birthdays. I still wake up at 6 to see my mother off to work, where we talk about how little I care for my brother's life and how she never fully understood her older brother, Bill, herself. My parents gave me my great-grandmother's silver as a housewarming present and I thanked them by making breakfast when they both had the morning off this week. Inspired by a Bon Appetit recipe, we ate these biscuits with pumpkin butter my mother found in the fridge behind leftovers.

Cultured Butter Biscuits

This recipe is super easy and produces an amazingly flaky biscuit. I love Bon App's recipe and the video included really helps with the technique described below!

I can't seem to do much today except sit in bed and stretch. This is my first holiday season where I had things to do. As you probably saw on my instagram, there were holiday parties at my boyfriend's parents' house, Christmas at my sister's, and a spa day on the 26th. I'm sure everyone's is like this, so I'll keep this intro short and sweet.

I'm in a post-holiday ennui, wanting to do the bare minimum. My parents are in their North Carolina house and so I have nothing to do but make dinner and care for Milo and their cats. I decided to play around with a Alsatian dish called the flammekueche, or tarte flambee, and made it into a breakfast pizza; something that can sustain and warm and fill you up the way only the holidays can.

We recycle things around here. Some Christmas cards get framed, some shoe boxes store our spices. We recycle memories, getting two aunts confused in the same anecdote. When we are done with roast, it becomes soup. When the bread goes bad, it becomes dessert.

Last year I made a bread pudding for my mom, dedicated to her, really. Large chunks of sourdough and apples in a casserole dish. This year, I recycled once again. Those same thoughts, those same memories, that said love into another recipe. I used old stoneware mugs that were my grandmother's. I used bread my father had left on the counter, not bothering to throw it away while my mother worked doubles this week. I recycled a palate I know too well, chocolate and cherries and cream on top. We ate ours so quickly and asked if anyone else wanted seconds.

I'm moving to a farm at the end of the month. Five acres with someone I love and three dogs to keep us busy. I'm making up for lost time, baking a few of my parents' favorite dishes to say thank you for taking me in this year.

Now, slowly pour your wet ingredients over your bread, turning with a rubber spatula to get all of your bread moistened

Add chocolate and cherries and stir to combine

Cover loosely and allow to rest for 30 minutes

While your mixture is resting, preheat oven to 325*F and prepare your pan with a liberal amount of butter. I used stoneware mugs, but any pan can do (this recipe is very forgiving in this way)

When 30 minutes have expired, divide your mixture for your baking vessels. This recipe puffs up slightly, so I suggest filling until you reach a half inch from the top. If you are using mugs or smaller vessels, place on a cookie sheet for easy transportation

Bake for 35 minutes or until puffed and golden brown. Begin checking at the 30 minute mark for smaller pans/mugs and you may go well into 45 minutes for larger vessels

While dish is baking, whisk together mascarpone, confectioner’s sugar, and remaining vanilla until well combined. If you would like to cut the sweetness, add a pinch of salt (to your taste)

When bread pudding is done baking, allow to cool before assembling

To assemble: top with mascarpone mixture, a couple cherries, and some chocolate sprinkles. Enjoy immediately (while delicious, this recipe does not last longer than a two days)

This post was inspired by Vermont Creamery, who excel at making quality dairy products. In this recipe I used their mascarpone to top these bad boys, which is an Italian-style cream cheese (but is way more flavorful than cream cheese and is super versatile!). Check out their website, Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter for more information. Thank you, Vermont Creamery!