Letters I'll Never Send

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I’ve loved you for over 6 months now. And you’ve loved me for an exact 6 months. And then you broke up with me. And it hurt. Still does. And I still love you. You still care about me. You still feel something about me. And yet you are not sure yourself anymore. “I need time to think things through” is what you keep saying. I know you feel uncertain about your life because of various aspects of your life. We were in love once. So deeply in love. We still had our arguments with each other. We’ve quarelled lot on things. And I don’t mind losing the argument for your sake. We’re so far apart. We don’t have anything to build our relationship on anymore. Not till we get closer by exploring each other in new ways, though how we can do that anymore is beyond me. I want you to know that I still love you. We may not be a perfect match as you once told me, but I know neither of us are stubborn enough to disregard each other’s interests and opinions. We can make it work if we try. We just need faith in each other. I have faith in you. I know you can find happiness in my companionship again. You did not regret loving me once. Now you say you do. You say things seem uncertain to you in our relationship. I wish you would have faith in me yet again the way you used to back when you didn’t face so much uncertainty in our relationship. If you could reach out to me, if you could extend your hand once more, I know I could keep you happy again. We shouldn’t have to worry about the future and ruin our relationship today. I know that if we remain honest with each other and take joy in the things we like about each other like you used to, I know we can live a long happy life together. We won’t regret it. I love you darling. And I miss you. More painfully so because you keep talking to me these days as if you nearly love me but only hold back to remind me that we’re not in a relationship anymore. I miss your kisses. I miss those days when you confessed your love to me. I miss how we used to love chit-chatting earlier without any concern for our future. I loved the blissful ignorance. We were happier that way. I can’t look at you as a mere friend. I can never do that. I know that the only reason we’re not in a relationship today is because of a reason that was insignificant when we were still in love back then. Why must it be more significant now? Why have things changed now? I am still in my heart the same person you loved. The same person you felt comfortable confessing your deepest thoughts and feelings to. It felt so wonderful to be so close to you. And it hurts so much to fall down all the way from there to this notion of ‘close-friend’ that does no justice to how we truly feel about each other. I know you still love me inside. I know you still feel it inside somewhere. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t know if I can handle losing you for good. I love you. And I wish you would love me back in the same way again.