Thursday, December 27, 2012

Friend :: That’s a complicated drawing. You should have taken Engineering.

Me :: It’s not that complicated really.

Friend :: So what’s the story, morning glory?

Me :: You see the head of a lion with wings. Do the Math.

Friend:: Feisty, with an angelic side. :)

Me :: You Engineering lads creep me out.

The message behind the drawing was an illustration of ‘Love’, ‘Fear’ and ‘Hope’ as opposed to ‘Faith’, ‘Love’ and ‘Hope’, from the Bible. I didn’t know about Ibn Qayyim then, and there I was, doodling one of his distinctive quotes.

In my pursuit, in becoming a potential hermit, I eventually came to the following deduction …

With every good that happens to me, with every comforting feeling that sweeps by me, with every situation that comes my way, could these be His way of sending the message across?

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Cousin 1 :: Look at that grandpa over there. He shouldn't be working at his age!

Cousin 2 :: He has to. Singapore has high living standards.

On one of my solitary walks, I observed a grandpa hastily picking up the rubbish us civilised people left behind. He had a hunched back, and could possibly be in his late 60s. As I observed him, I noticed the onlookers, comprising bustling youths, taking no notice of him. The ones, who did, chuckled as though he was their limelight of the day.

Morning came and I went on another solitary walk. I was trying to rid the image out of my head, when in less than a jiffy; I stumbled upon an elderly man, with a pile of cardboard boxes. He stood at the corner of the road, scrambling for some balance as he stacked one cardboard after the other. And I stood there, at the side of the curb, utterly helpless.

In all honesty, these impromptu trips to Singapore, have taken a toil to say the least. Of all things that could remotely be possible to bring the spirits down, incidents such as these equate to those watershed moments.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Feels absolutely exhilarating to be away from work and to be able to do the things I had long craved to do for an entire 6 weeks at stretch! As much as I want to prolong this newly discovered transient sanctity, I suppose I have to face this gutted reality. Work, or rather, my bold pursuit at a relatively unfamiliar environment, will officially kickoff as of 15th October 2012.

Current state of affairs are starting to unravel in an interesting manner, to say the least. :)

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

A matter of days left till the gates of Ramadhan close in on us. Haven't made specific plans for Eid, however the family had mutually came to a consensus to return to the Southern home for a quaint Eid celebration. After all, it has been close to 10 years since we last gathered there.

Due to the close proximity between the Southern home and my motherland, I will most probably hop over to Singapore for a bit; seizing the occasion to strengthen the bonds of kinship and possibly badgering a couple of friends for a sip or two.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Sitting with the visually impaired and having casual chats with them can at more than one occasion be a remarkably profound experience. More often than not, the words that flow out of them are filled with traces of compassion and wisdom. Truth be told, they may not be able to see things in the physical sense, but their hearts made it possible for them to purge out the impurities, to see, to react to things in ways we seldom do. Patience, calmness, and gratitude; just a few of the many traits one can strive to learn from them. One only needs to stop for a moment, spend a bit of time, to feel what it feels to be them.

...............

If you are not patient upon seeking knowledge you (will have to) be patient upon the difficulty (misery) of ignorance.

Therefore I became ecstatic when I came to know my dearest Sketchedsoul has taken it upon herself to run a braille project! With the aim to empower these gifted individuals with the gift of knowledge, the funds collected will be used to purchase braille Qur'an, Muqaddam and Yasin. These items will then be distributed to children and adults residing in Malaysia, Gaza and Nigeria.

As of today, she has managed to raise $1375, alhamdulillah. Hopefully she will reach her $2540 mark by Eid, insha'Allah! Hop on over to her blog for more info :: http://sketchedsoul.blogspot.com/Eid is fast approaching.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Shifted to the new environment. Things started off looking rather hazy for me, and somewhere in between, I begin to develop insecurities. I wasn't sure where I was heading to, and I wasn't sure what to anticipate. As though all I had was a rickety raft to hold on to as I allow myself to be drifted away into this peculiar and uncharted territory.

Soon enough it was time for lunch. Took a walk along the pavements, and snatched one or two glances at a couple of shops. Walked a little further and found myself in an old neighbourhood. There were chickens running around and I saw an elderly Chinese lady wearing the traditional Chinese attire making her way to the market; an uncommon sight for me. From a distance. a cobbler sat at the sidewalk. Beads of sweat streamed down his face as he skillfully hammered the soles. And just like that I found myself surrounded by shops with old signboards. Had I somehow rather transported myself into a bygone era?

Dramas aside, I walked back to where I came from. There I stood, at the crossroads between the bygone past and the subsequent future. Lost in thought until a boy with his brother rode a bicycle past me, smiling gleefully as they disappeared into the throngs of people. I suppose, life at the new place, will not be that boresome afterall.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

The transitory period has ended as once more I gingerly make my way into the corridors of the university of life, as a student, desperate in her attempt to grasp a better and viable comprehension of this shadowy life. Come this Saturday, if my health and God permit it, I will be at University Malaya attending the final weekend of Rays of Faith: Doctrines of Faith III, as taught by Shaykh Waleed Basyouni, the Vice President of AlMaghrib Institute.

Philippines Sister :: You have attended so many AlMaghrib courses! Masha'Allah!

That statement catapulted a whirl of thoughts. Back to the time where I throttled endless questions asking God, the why, the what, the when, the how, but by far, after all those years, I had the presumption that nothing comes into light. Just when it appears as though one has reached the end of the passage, the doors begin to crack open, one at a time. Within a span of 4 years, the uncertainties, are answered. All that is left, is a continuous pursuit.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

As I was finding my ways to a heart serene I discovered creeks and alleyways Streets and avenues and dark hallways Uncovered by the bitter truths of Madarij as-saalikeen The warning at the crossways of my heart’s arteries Reads “your deen is in need for your mind to intervene and your soul to control its foolish desires for the world” I needed to jump start my heart from the state of heedlessness to the state of awareness And it only made sense that I needed to smack my soul out of negligence Before it got purified on the day of a 50,000 year equivalence. From which torturous torment in Jahannam is its derivative From a fuming fire 70 times the world’s corrosive And alarming danger is where my soul is. So I knew that before my last breath is when my soul needs purity And for that I’d need a bloodless open-heart surgery To cleanse my body’s faculties, from evils, lies, and perjury So write this down in gold says Shaykh Riadh Ourzazi, My next station was to identify the problem at self-accountability. But that was a bit discouraging cuz my list of sins almost seemed at infinite It seems as though my soul is prone to evil and disobedience. But Allah paved the way to repentance for my convenience. Sincerity in the request for forgiveness, Or a mere handshake will cause my sins to diminish. A return to my Lord causes Him to increase in happiness More so than he who called out “I am your Lord, and you are my servant” So before I move on, I must first question my repentance And remain in my stance of steadfastness And I will do this by means of the station of Reminders Where I block the shaytan from my inner whims and desires So that when the Quran is heard my healthy heart never tires. Ya Hayyu ya Qayyum, laaa ilaha illa anta And feel my heart enlighten Clearing the diseases of the heart while its colour whitens. Seeing that rich red strawberry brighten. As it pumps that rich fluid of emotion It elevates me further to the station of devotion Longing for salah like the fish long for the ocean Aspiring to be like the sahabah who stood still without motion Or aspiring to have the khushu’ of Hatim al-Assum Who imagined the ka3ba infront of him Jannah to the right of him Jahannum to the left of him Malik al-Mawt directly behind him The sirat beneath him All the while Allah was watching him This would then lead me to the station of vigilance Adding the element of general and specific togetherness Knowing that Allah is closer to me than where my own jugular vein is I’m on 24-hour surveillance – not by CSIS, but by Allah and His guardian angels. So I gotta watch what I do as I move to the station of perseverance Don’t you know that its cuz Allah loves you that He tests your patience So preserve in keeping your soul in restraint and confinement “Allahuma ajirnee fi museebati, wakhlufli khayran minha” Allah assured us that the reward is in abundance I want to be greeted by the Angels in Jannah, don’t you? So lets go together to the station of self-realization Understand that disobeying Allah and being pleased with Him as your Lord is a contradiction. So be sincerely pleased with Him and be under His protection To be pleased with the Prophet is to follow him in his soorah, seera and sariyya, his looks, life and intentions. So by this I shall move to the station of sincerity Remembering that Jahanam first takes the hafidh, the warrior, and one who gave in charity Because in their hearts their was no purity So as I stand before you right now I gotta check my heart forces A second, third, and fourth prognosis. Before Allah sends me His own diagnosis. Oh Allah teach my nafs what control is. Cuz my soul is … in need to be 1 of 70,000 Who didn’t seek ruqya or believe in bad omens. This brings us to station of reliance. Hasbiya Allah laa ilaha illa hu wa ni’m al-wakeel. And suddenly the degree of remembrance I’m starting to feel SubhanAllah, Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar goes my heart wheel Pumping love and longing for Allah to a higher degree Bringing us to the station of happiness for which all of mankind agree But it’s only in our hands cuz of our belief in the Divine Decree So I pray to Allah to keep me steadfast on this station of supplication Where I find my self in the midst of contemplation About the essence of my creation and my changing situation O Allah make the tour of Jannah my realization and my ultimate destination O Nafs, I ask you, no I implore you to fear no temptation To start the process of purification And so my mind intervenes Studying the itinerary of Madarij as-Salikeen And I pray, I, along with all of you, have found ourselves – a heart serene.

Friday, May 18, 2012

“O people who take pleasure in a life that will vanish; falling in love with a fading shadow is sheer stupidity”

Ibn al-Qayyim

Less than 5 hours till I board the bus heading to Singapore to resume my studies in the "A Heart Serene" course; making this the second and final weekend where we shall delve deeper into the works of Ibn Al-Qayyim, insha'Allah.

Having had the opportunity to read the works of Ibn Al-Qayyim in the past, it awakened a side of me that brought tears to the eyes, heart and soul due to its relevance and profoundness to the ephemeral life I embraced then. Little do I know that even after all those years, his works still produce a massive impact on me, on multiple levels.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

For the benefit of everyone who happens to cross this part of the blogging sphere, despite my seemingly extended absence, I have not decided to go into hibernation mode, at least not just yet. There has been numerous changes in this path I affectionately call life, and it revolves around work transitions and adjustments, mostly. For the latter, I am still very much alive, a little sluggish here and there and still as boring and geekish as ever.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

For those who have sinned and are looking for sincere repentance, the pain derived from that sin is something that they may carry for the rest of their lives. For these selected few, that pain fuels them to continue in their struggle to abstain from committing more sins. That pain also becomes the reminder for them to continuously atone for their past sins. Eventually, the approaches they take to deal with the pain may lead them to heaven. But do not ask to be one of them. For not everyone can endure a life living in the pains of their past.

Monday, April 2, 2012

If everything goes according to plans, I will attend this course in Singapore along with fellow sisters from Malaysia, Singapore, and possibly the Philippines, insha'Allah. While my friends are feeling rather ecstatic about us crashing together and having the time of our lives studying and all, my mum has started worrying for this little girl of hers. On the other hand, dad, has little to say. Probably because he knows mum will do most of the worrying for him and give him a detailed summary by the end of the day. :)

Thursday, March 15, 2012

There was hardly anyone around when I entered the mosque compound. The guide, upon seeing me walking in, smiled and showed the direction to the female ablution area. Soon after, I went up to the second floor, sat on the prayer mat and opened my compact Qur'an. I had only read about 2 pages of it when my mind took a trip of its own, and before long, I found myself asking God;

Monday, March 12, 2012

As I flipped through the pages of my organiser, straining my eyes to read the tiny little scribbles, I questioned myself over and over again ...

Whenever people look up to me for knowledge, had I been truthful and courteous in responding to them?

Whenever people seek help from me, had I been sincere and humble in helping them to the best of my ability?

Whenever people speak good of me, had I been doing all the good all this while merely to seek their pleasure and to gain praises from them?

And the most daunting question that lingers in my mind is ...

In my attempt to attain Gods' forgiveness, love and mercy by accumulating good deeds, as investments to book and secure my ticket to heaven, have I at my own expense edge an inch closer to claiming my ticket to hellfire?

Friday, February 17, 2012

When Imam Haji Abdul Hakim Liu Jingyi was a teenager, one of the most famous Arabic calligraphers in the Eastern part of China, Imam Cao Jin Zao, selected him as a student and he continued to learn and develop his calligraphy skills especially the Arabic calligraphy.

Having a solid foundation in Chinese and Arabic calligraphy study, he continued to pursue excellence through continuous and relentless practice and devotion. Haji Abdul Hakim used the traditional Chinese method and skill to write Arabic calligraphy. By judging the calligraphy techniques he used one can see that the Da-Kai style is impressive, rough and strong, the Zhong-Kai style is round, plump and graceful and the Xiao-Kai style is gentle, neat, smooth and as clear as silk.

Now, at the age of more than 80 years old, Haji Abdul Hakim has reached an outstanding level in both Chinese and Arabic calligraphy - a mastery level – and created style and masterpiece, which are uniquely his own and recognized internationally.

Coincidentally met him and his jolly entourage when I was at the book fair. Managed to snap some photos with them and put my rusty Mandarin into practice - Beijing style. The most enchanting experience apart from the constant hugs and kisses from Hajah Aishah, was when they extended an invitation for me to visit their home in Beijing, and to further add icing to the cake, they even offered to cook for me. Time for me to put on weight, eh?

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Been feeling troubled over a number of things within a span of four to five weeks. To be frank, it is unbecoming of me to react in that manner for such a prolonged period and it was getting a tad bit wearisome for me to spend time pondering over it, wherein to a greater extent, there were times where I even shed tears just by thinking about it.

Nevertheless, just as I felt as though the desperation was beyond my ability to shoulder, I received a text message from a sister inquiring whether I can assist her to interview a handful of scholarship recipients. Considering I had the time to spare, I leaped at the opportunity and made a dash for my cell phone.

Speaking and communicating with the applicants had in a way provided the relief I so terribly needed. There I was, minutes ago, bent on thinking that I am going through unsolvable issues, yet here are these students, most of whom are much younger than me, bent on trying to secure their scholarships for the love of God. They made me think again on the amount of privilege I have just by being able to lead life without having the need to worry about paying back study loans, and tackling financial issues. The most profound realization was, what was I doing at their age?

It was such a heart-moving moment that by the time I completed my report, I sent a short message beneath it, with a silent prayer, stating my concern hoping that none of these applicants will be negated from getting the scholarship.

Days went by.

I was playing scrabble *I am such a geek* when I received text messages one after the other ...

There was a time in primary school where I, along with fellow classmates were drilled with the 99 attributes in association to Allah. In all sincerity, I cannot dispel this gritting fact that for several years I was genuinely clueless of its significance. On the most part, I wasn't able to relate to it, let alone place any effort to put it into application in my daily life. It was only in high school that I took the initiative to grasp a better understanding of it, mostly because mum asked me to invoke one of the attributes whenever I'm feeling under the weather.

That attribute was الوكيل (Al-Wakeel - The Ultimate Trustee).

Mum :: No. You cannot go. Who will take care of you?

Me :: Al-Wakeel! He has been doing it even before I existed in this world! :D

Mum :: I'll get your dad.

Note :: Al-Wakeel’s root word is وكل, which means to appoint or entrust for the care or management of something. It also means to confide in, lean upon, submit to the One and only One who can be entrusted with the management and resolution of all affairs.