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Diligence

Diligence has never been my strongest attribute. I try to focus on the spirit of procrastination rather than the spirit of self control (which leads to accomplishing instead of staying up all hours watching Friends). I find myself being challenged in nearly all areas of my life with this funny D word.

We are rounding the end of the school year, and as much as I would LOVE to have a paycheck all summer, I am really looking forward to a break from my work responsibilities. Really, I would just like a change of pace. I enjoy routine, but too little change can lead to monotony. I need to be diligent.

I am week two into a 6 week Bible study. Week one I was gang-busters out the gate. This week’s focus is counter intuitive to my learning style, so the challenge is greater. Last week, I diagrammed verses from the Bible for more clarity. Easy as pie (whatever that means). But I loved it. Like I love pie, so I guess it’s a good metaphor after all. This week, we are supposed to picture the scene, picture ourselves there, and put ourselves into the shoes of each character of various parables. My ADD kicks in and my mind wanders. Can’t I just read it and then write about it? Can’t I just talk it over with someone? Can’t I just fill out a worksheet or something? Can’t I… Can’t I….? Fine. I need to be diligent.

We have begun the overwhelming (and not going well) journey of a debt free life. I am super uncomfortable, I feel like washing my hands of all of it, and God is opening my eyes to what His word says about the whole thing. So, of course, now I am feeling conviction and the need for repenting. To top it off, we are the poorest we have been in well over a decade, only this time we have all these short people to consider. I am aggravated, and honestly, I find myself mulling over the idea that God could be doing more. Clearly He has done enough. Clearly I am feeling sorry for myself. Clearly I do not know God well enough. Clearly my angry eyebrows are blocking my vision. I need to be diligent.

I know God has called me to be a writer. He has dropped a bundle of words in my lap and is asking me to arrange them between a front and back cover. I now have to find the brawniness to pull up my bootstraps bootstraps and keep writing. I have much to say, but I am trying to disregard all that and focus only on what God wants to say through me. But, along with my hair, my head is very not small. I am a large opponent to myself, so it takes a while to settle in and fight myself down so I can hear what needs to be heard. I need to be diligent.