Tuesday, March 15, 2011

When I was younger, my parents would usually take us snow skiing a couple of times a year. One year, we took one of our days and went to a different mountain, partially because my parents wanted to eat at the Blue Spruce Steakhouse that night. While we were polishing off our steaks, the snow started falling, and kept falling. By the time we took to the treacherous road home, there was quite a bit of snow on the road.

That night my father drove our old Ford Econoline van through near white-out conditions over Berthoud pass. He said that we could have skied down the road. They also said we had to move very slowly to avoid sliding off the mountain or into it. However, the reason I have to rely on what “they” said is because I was not conscious during this endeavor. I was asleep in the back of the van.

May be there is something about being young that makes it easier not to worry. Now that I am grown, it is kind of hard for me to imagine what it looks like to live up to Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 6:25-34. He says that we should not worry about our lives, but we should seek him and have faith that God will meet our needs.

I struggle with this idea on a daily basis. Usually I feel that if I do not actively attempt to meet my own needs, they go unmet. No one watches me closely to make sure I am eating healthily, sleeping enough, or being nice to my friends. My full laundry basket will be waiting there for me until I get the motivation take care of it.

Despite my feelings of agency, I know my independence is an illusion in which seeing the truth is hard. God is good to me and he has been my whole life. I have not done anything to deserve anything. I wonder if God still sees me as a kid in a van, but now that crazy kid will not stop reaching for the steering wheel.