am I being unreasonable?

I work evenings and weekends at a bar, she works daytimes in an office (32) weeks pregnant....so we are both reasonably exhausted when we finally find time alone. I am a musician, making music is my escape, it relaxes me, I have a studio in my loft. I would really appreciate 1-2 hours making music in my spare time. she doesn't like the thought of this as she likes attention and requires me to do things for her (like make her drinks, food, feeding the dog and pulling her off the couch coz she's too heavy to lift herself)
I love spending time with her and having the honour to be the man in her life that does these things.....but.....1-2 hours isn't a lot to ask is it guys? its not like I'm going off to the pub to get trollied! what is your take on this?
I don't want to postpone my music, as I said, its my escape, it relaxes me and gets rid of the stress that accumulates from work and puts me in a stable frame of mind.
I would love to have a few ladies opinions on this aswell
thanks.

I work evenings and weekends at a bar, she works daytimes in an office (32) weeks pregnant....so we are both reasonably exhausted when we finally find time alone. I am a musician, making music is my escape, it relaxes me, I have a studio in my loft. I would really appreciate 1-2 hours making music in my spare time. she doesn't like the thought of this as she likes attention and requires me to do things for her (like make her drinks, food, feeding the dog and pulling her off the couch coz she's too heavy to lift herself)
I love spending time with her and having the honour to be the man in her life that does these things.....but.....1-2 hours isn't a lot to ask is it guys? its not like I'm going off to the pub to get trollied! what is your take on this?
I don't want to postpone my music, as I said, its my escape, it relaxes me and gets rid of the stress that accumulates from work and puts me in a stable frame of mind.
I would love to have a few ladies opinions on this aswell
thanks.

I would just ignore AOK. I have no idea what her problem is, but she gives awful advice. She would divorce you (or break up with you) just for making the suggestion. Not everyone who posts here is a guy or even seems to like men -- as in man hating, not lesbians.

No, I don't think you are asking to much for the hour or two for music in your spare time. Eveyone, both you and her, have the right to some me time. The problem might be in when you take the time. Since you work different schedules, how about trying to do it when she is not home. My wife had some issues with the time I spent on the computer. So I try to limit it to when she is asleep or doing other things that I cannot help her with. That way, my time does not interfere with our time. I hope that helps.

I would just ignore AOK. I have no idea what her problem is, but she gives awful advice. She would divorce you (or break up with you) just for making the suggestion. Not everyone who posts here is a guy or even seems to like men -- as in man hating, not lesbians.

No, I don't think you are asking to much for the hour or two for music in your spare time. Eveyone, both you and her, have the right to some me time. The problem might be in when you take the time. Since you work different schedules, how about trying to do it when she is not home. My wife had some issues with the time I spent on the computer. So I try to limit it to when she is asleep or doing other things that I cannot help her with. That way, my time does not interfere with our time. I hope that helps.

AOK, can you go away? You're always so mean. To daddy-is this y'alls first child? I remember when I was preggo with my first how dependent I became on my husband, especially towards the end. I was so "freaked" about the baby and our relationship and if he and I would ever spend alone time together so I always wanted to be with him (much to his dismay sometimes!). Is it possible that since y'all work such different schedules that she might be feeling the same at all? But with that said you do need some down time. I would second the while she is working part or even after baby is born, maybe to the baby. I dunno if that complicates the "relaxing" part of it. I think y'all should talk and maybe have a set time of the week for music stuff. Maybe twice a week. And maybe you could do the same for her-have a time or two a week where she goes off and gets something done, a lil shopping, mani/pedi, etc.

AOK, can you go away? You're always so mean. To daddy-is this y'alls first child? I remember when I was preggo with my first how dependent I became on my husband, especially towards the end. I was so "freaked" about the baby and our relationship and if he and I would ever spend alone time together so I always wanted to be with him (much to his dismay sometimes!). Is it possible that since y'all work such different schedules that she might be feeling the same at all? But with that said you do need some down time. I would second the while she is working part or even after baby is born, maybe to the baby. I dunno if that complicates the "relaxing" part of it. I think y'all should talk and maybe have a set time of the week for music stuff. Maybe twice a week. And maybe you could do the same for her-have a time or two a week where she goes off and gets something done, a lil shopping, mani/pedi, etc.

Do NOT consider calling it quits on your music! We all need time to ourselves, and like everyone else has stated, try to do your music while she is at work, napping, or when she's having her own time. You may even consider lessoning the time to 30min-1hr a day bc once the baby comes you won't have much "you" or "you and her" time.

Do NOT consider calling it quits on your music! We all need time to ourselves, and like everyone else has stated, try to do your music while she is at work, napping, or when she's having her own time. You may even consider lessoning the time to 30min-1hr a day bc once the baby comes you won't have much "you" or "you and her" time.

I think the pps covered it, just wanted to add that we had a similar situation here. My DH loves playing video games, and that is his favorite way to spend his down time. He works hard, goes to school, helps take care of LO, helps around the house, and so he more than deserves his down time ( we all do!). We did have some issues with the "when" part, because at first it seemed like every free second he got, he was rushing off to play a video game. We finally compromised and now he plays on the weekend during two of LO's nap times. He also plays when I am not around if LO is sleeping. I would say talk to her and see if you guys can come to a compromise you are both happy with. Good luck!

I think the pps covered it, just wanted to add that we had a similar situation here. My DH loves playing video games, and that is his favorite way to spend his down time. He works hard, goes to school, helps take care of LO, helps around the house, and so he more than deserves his down time ( we all do!). We did have some issues with the "when" part, because at first it seemed like every free second he got, he was rushing off to play a video game. We finally compromised and now he plays on the weekend during two of LO's nap times. He also plays when I am not around if LO is sleeping. I would say talk to her and see if you guys can come to a compromise you are both happy with. Good luck!

No you're not. Having been married to a musician for 10+ years I know the deal. It was never that I wasn't important. It was that music was just as important. Seeing how he made his living that way I simply accepted it. It sounds like she maybe didn't know or understand what being with a musician was going to mean. It also doesn't sound like you neglect her. She should more than be able to handle a few hours on her own. Everyone is entitled to some down time.

No you're not. Having been married to a musician for 10+ years I know the deal. It was never that I wasn't important. It was that music was just as important. Seeing how he made his living that way I simply accepted it. It sounds like she maybe didn't know or understand what being with a musician was going to mean. It also doesn't sound like you neglect her. She should more than be able to handle a few hours on her own. Everyone is entitled to some down time.

No you shouldn't give up your music! That would've been like asking my ex husband to stop breathing. Anyone that would ask you to do such a thing is completely selfish and self absorbed. If you were treating her horribly or ignoring her or something that would be different. A person should be able to handle not having someone at their beck and call. Frankly that much attention would annoy the crap out of me.

No you shouldn't give up your music! That would've been like asking my ex husband to stop breathing. Anyone that would ask you to do such a thing is completely selfish and self absorbed. If you were treating her horribly or ignoring her or something that would be different. A person should be able to handle not having someone at their beck and call. Frankly that much attention would annoy the crap out of me.

It's all about communication. My dh will get me all 'set up' with a snack, some tea, the remote or a book; then he'll do his thing alone. I feel taken care of because he spent 10 minutes being sweet, he gets his relaxation, then after a while we come back together and feel happy.

It's all about communication. My dh will get me all 'set up' with a snack, some tea, the remote or a book; then he'll do his thing alone. I feel taken care of because he spent 10 minutes being sweet, he gets his relaxation, then after a while we come back together and feel happy.

I agree everyone needs their "me time". I am 35wks pregnant and have a DS(4yr old), full time student, and DH. I always am sure to give him me time even if my DS is bugging him but I try. I dnt have me time because I am always busy with housework, school work and my son. But I understand he works hard and is tired so I give him his 1-2hrs of time to play videogames :)..we all need to take a break, talk to her maybe she will understand. GL.

I agree everyone needs their "me time". I am 35wks pregnant and have a DS(4yr old), full time student, and DH. I always am sure to give him me time even if my DS is bugging him but I try. I dnt have me time because I am always busy with housework, school work and my son. But I understand he works hard and is tired so I give him his 1-2hrs of time to play videogames :)..we all need to take a break, talk to her maybe she will understand. GL.

First of all, don't you dare give up your music! I agree with Chad talk to her, if she knows how important it is to you she will understand. My DH is a musician and a video gamer and I know how important both are to him recharging and relaxation, and lets face it, they say, "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." I personally think it goes the same way for daddy.Â

It's very important that you have some 'me' time, my DH and I worked out a compromise, where he is allowed to play his video games after our DS has gone to bed, but that he make it so that he is still available if I am in need of something that requires his help. He also can play his music whenever he wants as long as he is helping to keep an eye out on our DS, but our son is also old enough that he likes to watch daddy play and even tries to help him play.

I also recommend playing for your SO, I'm pregnant now and my LO loves to hear daddy play the guitar, he is the most active when he plays. We did the same thing when I was pregnant with my DS and he is very musically inclined.

Good luck and please don't listen to people who have no idea how important something as wonderful and enriching music is to a person's life can be.

First of all, don't you dare give up your music! I agree with Chad talk to her, if she knows how important it is to you she will understand. My DH is a musician and a video gamer and I know how important both are to him recharging and relaxation, and lets face it, they say, "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." I personally think it goes the same way for daddy.Â

It's very important that you have some 'me' time, my DH and I worked out a compromise, where he is allowed to play his video games after our DS has gone to bed, but that he make it so that he is still available if I am in need of something that requires his help. He also can play his music whenever he wants as long as he is helping to keep an eye out on our DS, but our son is also old enough that he likes to watch daddy play and even tries to help him play.

I also recommend playing for your SO, I'm pregnant now and my LO loves to hear daddy play the guitar, he is the most active when he plays. We did the same thing when I was pregnant with my DS and he is very musically inclined.

Good luck and please don't listen to people who have no idea how important something as wonderful and enriching music is to a person's life can be.

Mommy to two beautiful boys, an angel baby, and pregnant with my third.

From:
daddycallum

To: CayleeJane

Posted: Oct-13 03:57 AM (16 of 26)

excellent advice guys n gyals.
I think I will talk to the over half and make a compromise so that she is happy before I switch on the studio.
I'm glad that I haven't come across too selfish, because its in my nature to make people happy and avoid stress, so everytime I pick up the guitar or turn the Mic on, I feel guilty of leaving her so its an uncomfortable predicament coz she thinks I enjoy running away from her.
but anyway, great advice, thank you all very much.

excellent advice guys n gyals.
I think I will talk to the over half and make a compromise so that she is happy before I switch on the studio.
I'm glad that I haven't come across too selfish, because its in my nature to make people happy and avoid stress, so everytime I pick up the guitar or turn the Mic on, I feel guilty of leaving her so its an uncomfortable predicament coz she thinks I enjoy running away from her.
but anyway, great advice, thank you all very much.

I was just going to say she probably feels like you are trying to escape her and the baby situation. Even if thats not the case us pregnant women can someyimes get irrational ideas in our heads, and tend to over think things ( blame hormones, bad dreams, changing body, changing finances whatever you want its true) We went through the same thing not to long ago, my husband works only 30 min away but instead of driving he would take thr bus and not get home for 2 hours. I used to get so upset and not think he wanted to be home. After we spoke about it, it turned out it was because he felt getting to read the newspaper, surf the web and just not talk or listen to anyone was so relaxing before coming home to three wound up kids and a wife whos pregnant, he needs that time to calm down after work. But at the same time he now realises that I was feeling alone and overwhelmed so he takes the bus, when he gets home i take a hot bath and read, then we do family diner. Its a win win. Communication is key!!!!!

I was just going to say she probably feels like you are trying to escape her and the baby situation. Even if thats not the case us pregnant women can someyimes get irrational ideas in our heads, and tend to over think things ( blame hormones, bad dreams, changing body, changing finances whatever you want its true) We went through the same thing not to long ago, my husband works only 30 min away but instead of driving he would take thr bus and not get home for 2 hours. I used to get so upset and not think he wanted to be home. After we spoke about it, it turned out it was because he felt getting to read the newspaper, surf the web and just not talk or listen to anyone was so relaxing before coming home to three wound up kids and a wife whos pregnant, he needs that time to calm down after work. But at the same time he now realises that I was feeling alone and overwhelmed so he takes the bus, when he gets home i take a hot bath and read, then we do family diner. Its a win win. Communication is key!!!!!

I've been going through this at the moment. My dh comes home from work, and disappears to water the garden or play/work on the computer. With a 3.5 wo, and all the lack of sleep and crazy hormones, I was starting to think that I wasn't important anymore. We talked tonight, and he now knows that I just need him. I don't need him to do anything, just be present. Show her that she us important to you. Take her on dates, even if it's a picnic in the back yard. Rub her feet and sing to her. Invite her to your studio, give her a book to read, and play. Include her. And be sure to be present in conversations, there is nothing worse than having 2 on sided discussions at the same time. Oh, and btw, thank you for being man enough to talk about this. I think the dads corner guys are amazing.

I've been going through this at the moment. My dh comes home from work, and disappears to water the garden or play/work on the computer. With a 3.5 wo, and all the lack of sleep and crazy hormones, I was starting to think that I wasn't important anymore. We talked tonight, and he now knows that I just need him. I don't need him to do anything, just be present. Show her that she us important to you. Take her on dates, even if it's a picnic in the back yard. Rub her feet and sing to her. Invite her to your studio, give her a book to read, and play. Include her. And be sure to be present in conversations, there is nothing worse than having 2 on sided discussions at the same time. Oh, and btw, thank you for being man enough to talk about this. I think the dads corner guys are amazing.

Is there a way to get her involved? Can she run the recording board or something?

I like to spend an hour or two on WoW when I get home at nights. To make this easier I got my wife hooked on WoW also :) If something you like to do is also something you share it makes life easier.

And stop feeding the trolls guys. When you mention them or reply to their post it just makes them stronger. They are like Freddy Krueger the only way you can stop them is to ignore them and forget about them :)

Is there a way to get her involved? Can she run the recording board or something?

I like to spend an hour or two on WoW when I get home at nights. To make this easier I got my wife hooked on WoW also :) If something you like to do is also something you share it makes life easier.

And stop feeding the trolls guys. When you mention them or reply to their post it just makes them stronger. They are like Freddy Krueger the only way you can stop them is to ignore them and forget about them :)

Coming from a woman who is almost 37 weeks pregnant I can definitely understand where your wife is coming from. The farther along in the pregnancy we get, the more clingy we seem to become. That being said, I think it's important for both of you to still have your alone time (even once baby arrives if possible) or maybe even being together but doing your own thing. My husband is a big gamer so his stress relief is often the PS3. He usually plays it for a few hours every night. Sometimes I'll join him and just read a book and keep to myself, while other times I just chill in our room. Would you be ok with her joining you sometimes while you do your music because that could be another option. Definitely don't stop your music, but maybe talk to her about how you feel and see if you guys can work something out. Just a heads up tho, pregnant women can sometimes be a wee bit irrational so just be prepared for any type of response

Coming from a woman who is almost 37 weeks pregnant I can definitely understand where your wife is coming from. The farther along in the pregnancy we get, the more clingy we seem to become. That being said, I think it's important for both of you to still have your alone time (even once baby arrives if possible) or maybe even being together but doing your own thing. My husband is a big gamer so his stress relief is often the PS3. He usually plays it for a few hours every night. Sometimes I'll join him and just read a book and keep to myself, while other times I just chill in our room. Would you be ok with her joining you sometimes while you do your music because that could be another option. Definitely don't stop your music, but maybe talk to her about how you feel and see if you guys can work something out. Just a heads up tho, pregnant women can sometimes be a wee bit irrational so just be prepared for any type of response

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