Saturday, January 15, 2011

Sleepless

It's another one of those 'I'm exhausted, but not to the point where my mind will shut off and let me sleep' kind of nights. I'm not over joyed.

For the first time since my husband left, I returned to Fort Campbell. I felt at home as soon as I was close enough to recognize my surroundings. I wish I could say I returned for good, or even for vacation, but I returned for the memorial of some amazing men. I was only in town for three days, but I enjoyed being there. I somehow felt closerto my husband. I know he was still on the other side of the world, but being there..it reminded me of the life we have together. I passed places that brought back amazing memories, and it made me long for making more. I need to get motivated, and start looking online for a place for us to live, but lately things have been happening one after the other, and I never seem to be able to dedicate two minutes to that task...or sleep...or the organizing and packing of things to prepare for this move. Come on motivation and time management..I know your out there somewhere!

Anyways, in other news...tiny isn't so tiny anymore. He is a whopping nine months old. Don't dwell on that, I might break down and cry! I cannot even believe it has been nine months since he came into the world, and sometimes, I don't want too! He is just growing up way to quickly! My little peanut was four and a half pounds at birth, and he is a generous 18 pounds now. He is not a tiny, and people laugh at me when I call him that. Oh and he has to have surgery...yet again. My poor bear has been through so much in his short little life.Lets recap. Why? Because this is my blog and I can.
Born seven weeks early.
23 days in the NICU.
Daddy deploys ten days later.
We move to MI.
Milk allergy discovered.
Formula recall.
Reflux and colic.
Circumcision surgery due to being a preemie.
Road trip to WI for funeral.
Road trip to TN for memorial.
AND NOW....prepare yourself..
My poor baby goes for his check up, and they discover one of his little testicles went back up.They say it could be caused by a hernia, or it could be naturally occurring.They keep reassuring me that this surgery is common, and simple, and everything will be fine.THEY don't have to undress their baby, put him into a hospital gown, hug and kiss him, and hand him over to a nurse.THEY don't have to sign papers stating they are aware of the risks of surgery and anestisia.THEY don't realize I am a first time mother, with a deployed husband, who is handing over her only child to a bunch of people she doesn't know.
The problems have already began. I explained to the doctor when I will be moving away. He offered to do the surgery early enough to alot for Jaxsons recovery before the long trip.
So when I get the letter in the mail from his surgery team stating surgery will be the end of March, I flip.
Surgery will NOT be the end of March. Just wait till Monday. This will be fixed.

Pray things go simply, and that recovery is quick and easy for him!

My mom says I need to have Xanax on hand...she may be right.

My husband should be getting leave soon. I can not be any happier. It has been eight months in the making! Dear Army,

If you fuck it up this time....

we will be fighting.

Sincerely,

Me.
We need this. I desperately need to see him, touch him, wake up next to him.
My husband is my rock, and I admire him, probably more then even he knows.
We will be taking a few days out of town to visit with some friends. Our moms are babysitting. Therefor, we will be spending just a little bit of time with no baby, and no anybody.
I look forward to this most. Even if it is just the travel time, and going to sleep. It's time I will value quite a bit!

Okay, my eyes have become even heavier then before. I need to try and get some sleep. It's four : ten in the morning, and my son will be up within a few short hours..like probably three.
I hate this couch, and truly miss the king sized bed in that hotel room! Oh well.

1 comment:

My little man had to have that surgery while my husband was deployed. I definitely freaked out more than a little once the day came, but when I was in the waiting room seeing all the parents with children with much more serious issues, it made me feel a little better.Having said that, he's your baby, so it's totally natural to freak out. I'm sure it will all work out great. *hugs*

About Me

Twenty-something extraordinaire, and mother who dreams of becoming a journalist.
I'm a lover of the simplest things in life; the smile on a child's face, good karma coming back around, family dinners, and raw unfiltered emotion. I'm a lover of the biggest cities, and the itty-bittiest of towns. I like to find beauty in the most common places, to see what others overlook.

I don't sensor myself in this blog. It is raw emotion and feeling. You may stumble across the occasional F bomb. I do not apologize.Everything I write is sincere and genuine. My words are my legacy.

"I think that’s what I find most strange about this world, nobody ever says how they feel. They hurt, but they don’t cry out. they’re happy, but they don’t dance or jump around. And they’re angry but they hardly ever scream, because they feel ashamed. Nothing’s worse than that. So we all walk around with our heads looking down and never look up and see how beautiful the sky is."

This is my place to cry out, my place to scream, to say how I feel, and from time to time, to look up at the sky and share with all of you the beauty that I see!