Friday, November 11, 2016

Previously
on “Project Runway”: we pretended “pop up” meant “have some
models stand in a store window for a couple hours”. Everyone got
assigned a team and a “color palette” from the hair people.
Laurence, Roberi, and Rik were Team Zero Drama and won, Roberi being
the winner for a weird-ass skirt but whatever. Erin, Dexter, and
Cornelius, Team Super Drama, were the losers. Erin and Dexter ganged
up on Cornelius, not like Cornelius is a genius or whatever, but they
ganged up on him. Later he and Dexter had a stupid argument, where
everyone pretended to regret all the shit they said about each other.
In the end, even though the judges knew Cornelius wasn't as bad as
his team said, Cornelius was eliminated anyway. But that was just so
Tim could Save him. I think the Save is dumb, but it was kind of
worth it for how uncomfortable Erin and Dexter looked afterwards.
Also I think the judges either knew Tim was doing it, or the
producers told him to, and that's why they got rid of Cornelius
instead of Dexter. (click for more)

Cornelius
is excited about his second chance. He's not speaking to Dexter or
Erin, obviously. I wouldn't either. Dexter claims he's OK with people
being upset but there's a line? OK but you could have guessed
Cornelius would be upset about your saying he should go home. Dexter
clearly can dish it out but cannot take it. Erin is all “no one
deserved to go home on this challenge but I had to say to keep Dexter
because he and I aesthetically get along better”. Whatever,
GRETCHEN.

We
all meet in the workroom (Dexter bitches some more) and Tim comes in
with someone from AARP. Are you fucking serious. Your sponsor is
AARP. Anyway, there's some dumb stuff about “a new chapter” so
Mah-Jing knows it's makeovers. Also it's loved ones. Still going to
be giving the win to whoever gets the biggest most dramatic makeover
and the loss to whoever does whatever the client wants. OK so many
tearful reunions and so forth. Lots of moms but some sisters and best
friends. I'm a total bitch but I'm not going to rag on family
reunions, everyone seems genuine. Anyway, clearly it's the makeover
challenge. The winner will get $25,000, and your family member gets
the same amount. I still think this is a dumb sponsor but that's a
good chunk of change. As Mah-Jing points out, that's nearly half of
the grand prize of the whole show. Tim gives them two days so twist
alert in effect. It may be that they're letting them have time to
hang out, but they never give them two days.

I
think they sent everyone out to breakfast. Mah-Jing's mom does
underground hip-hop. She's starting a record label. Your mom's cool,
Mah-Jing. She wants origami. Laurence's daughter is gorgeous, of
course. I think she's opening a store. Rik's mom is going back to
school. He promises her if he wins, he'll give the money to her to
pay her back for his student loans and stuff. Aww. Dexter's friend is
launching an “ecommerce” app. Sigh. Cornelius says his mom is
traveling, as is Nathalia's mom. Erin is making another damn coat.
She says her mom is Mormon, but not intense Mormon. Also Erin is
wearing a shirt that says “Dexter” on it, which is pretty
obnoxious. Jenni's mom lists a bunch of things she's going to do, but
she's not really “starting a new chapter” like everyone else
seems to be. You know? There are several upcoming events but no big
life-changing things. So Jenni has no idea what to do. Tim says at
least she knows her mom won't throw her under the bus.

Six
hours left today. Someone makes fun of Cornelius for relying on his
Save, but he laughs. Roberi calls him “The Resuscitated”, heh.
Nathalia explains the joke (“because like, Jesus was resuscitated”)
and ruins it. Erin is making a very embellished dress and a coat.
Because of course. Nathalia's mom is going to Paris so the outfit has
to be chic. Jenni makes a bunch of stuff for options.

Day
two. Rik seems to be doing a lot of fiddly cutting out diamonds and
whatnot. He jokes about putting his mom to work. Model fitting.
Mah-Jing is making some pants that maybe aren't the coolest? He may
be getting a loser edit.

Tim
Time! So he can talk to the family members too. Tim tells Cornelius
he did a fantastic job last week and he is still mad at the judges.
Don't oversell it, Tim. Anyway, he seems to be doing fine. Mah-Jing
has a very complicated jacket but it should be awesome if he pulls it
off. Jenni has weird things happening. Her mom suddenly has opinions.
Again, Laurence's daughter is super tall and thin and model-like so,
advantage. Roberi might be over-designing. Nathalia has some great
leather but her jacket has to be perfect. Erin's mom has a new job,
but she has to wear lab coats at work so the outfit is for going out.
Tim hates Erin's lace for the dress and it's floral lace and pastel
blue. Tim says it's too junior but I think it's too old lady. Then he
puts the coat back on and says “Erin? How many times have we seen
this coat?” It's true. Dexter made a sweater dress with some weird
cording? Like a cable knit but in a weird design with a small
triangle over her navel and then two pieces along her hips? OK to be
fair to Dexter it's interesting. Rik's mom hasn't worn a dress in a
long time.

Erin
loves her coat so she is ignoring Tim. Jenni is also not changing
anything, just making sure the fit is perfect. Rik sews a heart on
the dress with some thick white stitching in a design. Erin
interviews that her mom was a designer but had kids and couldn't do
anything and now Erin is living for her or whatever. Nathalia is
behind. More than usual. Mah-Jing sings at Cornelius? I don't know.
He loves the origami thing he made though. Jenni talks about maybe
she needs a backup plan and Dexter tells her she's doing that thing
they all do. She claims she can't figure out if the pants will fit,
because of the dress form, but people have adjustable dress forms so
why isn't she using one of those?

Runway
Day. Nathalia is starting to freak out. Jenni puts the pants on her
mom and they're terrible. But she is like “oh it's fine”.
Non-models can't wear high waisted pants, Jenni. Cornelius's mom
tells him to quit complaining and do what he needs to. Not hot makeup
guy Scott. OK no one is getting actual makeovers, no hair and makeup
changes, just clothes. So I will revise to Laurence winning because
her daughter is the most model-like, and maybe Jenni losing for doing
what her mom wanted. Also for her terrible pants. Nathalia has ten
minutes to hem her jacket. I think most people are happy. Nathalia is
putting her mom in the outfit as everyone is leaving, and she has to
leave it pinned.

Guest
judges are Olivia Culpo, “fashion and beauty expert”, and Katia
Beauchamp, CEO of Birchbox. Roberi: simple tank dress, with a
fit-and-flare silhouette. The top and bottom have two different
prints, black with random white lines on top, and dark blue sort of
floral on the bottom. The prints maybe don't go together but the
dress fits really well. Jenni: yellow pants, a white top and a gray
jacket. The pants are tapered to the ankle, so her hips look weird
and big. The jacket is cropped with a high neckline and some
embellishments of black sequins on one hip. The jacket (or is it a
sweater?) is cute but loose fit tapered leg pants are not flattering
on anyone. Dexter: very short dress with giant sleeves. The whole
thing is knit, with some cables making a design on the front, and
studs over the crotch panel. It's so short, you guys. But it's very
Fashion. Rik: black dress with a cropped jacket. The dress is
knee-length and has thick white stitching making a wavy path around
it, with the heart over her left breast. The jacket has elbow length
sleeves and a black and white square pattern, I think it's a tweed,
with red piping. It's actually a cute outfit I would totally wear.
Erin: giant oversized coat like always, with giant patch pockets like
always. This one is light gray. Under this is a baby blue dress with
lace down both sides. The lace is actually floral with half-circles
of colored flowers throughout. The lace covers the whole back of the
dress. It's weird and old-fashioned. Honestly it looks like something
you'd find in your mom's closet and dress up in all the time and
later find out it was a bridesmaid dress from her sister's wedding
not that I've ever done that.

Cornelius:
skirt and jacket in a beige with a nautical rope pattern on it, and
thick orange stripes for accents. Under the jacket is a plain black
shell with a boatneck. The skirt is high-waisted but it first really
well and it looks pretty good. Laurence: fitted black skirt and a
jacket that I think is black leather. The jacket has one hook and eye
closure at her waist, and there's a red shell under this. It's not
actually that exciting and the skirt and jacket look too tight.
Mah-Jing: black pants, or maybe dark denim, and a big jacket with
leather on top and maybe some other fabric from the waist down? I
can't tell on my TV and it's all in black. The coat looks oversized,
but it cinches at the waist and she has such attitude she looks
badass. There are a lot of folds but it's hard to see. It's also
androgynous which is cool. Nathalia: big wide legged pants in
burgundy, that are maybe too long? The jacket is white and dark brown
leather, and is pretty oversized. And it doesn't look oversized on
purpose. It's brown leather on the shoulders and cuffs, and white
everywhere else. The pants don't look right either, I think because
they're high-waisted and that doesn't look flattering.

Laurence,
Dexter, and Cornelius are safe. Yeah, sounds about right. I was wrong
about Laurence and that's fine. Roberi's friend is a graphic
designer. It fits beautifully and the thin pink lines on the bodice
are things he added to bring in the bottom print. That's cool
actually. Nina says he carefully thought of everything. Erin says
something about caterpillars and cocoons. Nina doesn't like the
confusion about the simple coat and the busy lace dress. The lace
actually is longer than the blue dress. Heidi accuses her of making
something she herself wanted. Nothing goes together, but at least
Erin's mom says she likes it. Rik talks about his mom's outfit and
they all love the heart. It fits very well, and Zac says a tweed
jacket is just a symbol of chicness. He did really well.

Jenni
somehow thinks her mom would wear that outfit to work. To a school?
No. It's bad and it looks sloppy. She does look like she's trying to
be young. Mom says that she loves it and this is how she would dress.
So since she likes it Zac has to take the tack of “You can't wear
this to work to be the director of a preschool”. The pants are
distracting and the T-shirt under the jacket/sweater/whatever is
lazy. They do seem to agree that if the pants fit, it wouldn't suck
so much. Mah-Jing's mom wanted to be a superhero. It's badass and it
fits her attitude. She says this outfit fits what she feels on the
inside. Mah-Jing is crying because he cries easily. Nathalia is
sending her mom to Europe with this schmatta with the giant patch
pockets for her passport and whatever. The coat is way too big, and
Zac spied the pins. They take the coat off, and the shell is baggy
too, and super wide-legged pants. She had two days and she still had
pins. Not acceptable. She's drowning in the clothes. Nathalia cries
so hard her mom has to hug her and Heidi asks if she's OK. She says
it's just very emotional with her mom here and everything and then
she apologizes for distracting them with it. That...was actually a
really great way to respond.

Nathalia's
mom's outfit hid her great figure. Jenni's sweater is very high at
the neck but also cropped. Not appropriate for a woman at work. They
like the blue Erin used but not the lace. Zac thinks the back of the
jacket is too big. Mah-Jing's jacket is different fabrics and is
really well made and high fashion. They love Rik's dress and
detailing. Roberi I think fit this dress so perfectly. Better than
they usually fit the professional models.

Rik
is the winner! I think Mah-Jing should have won but fine. I liked
Rik's outfit. Everyone cries. Mah-Jing and Roberi are in. Erin is in,
because of course she is. Sigh. Nathalia is in. Jenni is out.
Nathalia makes a big deal about crying and promising to do better and
so forth. Jenni cries too. She does eventually laugh at something.
She also does the usual thing to promise not to stop designing.

Once
again no preview so FINE. I won't be tricked into watching your other
shows, Lifetime.

1 comment:

Duabe
said...

Thanks Toyouke for a very thoughtful and amusing recap. I did like Rik's outfit for his Mom and glad he's able to repay her some of the money for his education. Now it's her turn to go to school and hope she does really well.

Erin can go home now.

Roberi's outfit was really pretty and he worked so hard to make his friend a nice outfit. Can't say anything nice about Jenni's outfit, so I won't.

Don't care about Lifetime's new designer show - a rip-off and waste of energy.

Bring back the kids Lifetime - they were at least enthusiastic and imaginative.

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About Me

I'm that annoying friend that always wants to talk all through the TV show, and you don't always get that mad because sometimes she's funnier than the actual show. Except that I won't drown out the dialogue.