Friday, June 23, 2017

desperation binds with hope

i never told you, but i stood outside of the church and cried the sound of my heart. the green leaves wept close to the ground, and the pavement was bright white. he drove past in his red truck, and the brave girl was one of the only ones left.

heart to heart.

love slipped out of my hands, and i was bearing the weight of a heavy Sorrow. because i was sorry. and i was lonely. and i really didn't want to go back home, because i was scared.

he stood there. still there. and he was only a little boy, and my brother, with an aching heart and a Sorrow beating the same as mine. though our stories are different. the aches are different. he is different. i am different. but isn't that the way it goes? different, but the same.

the echo buried itself still in the tree rings of the pines standing out front.

desperation burns up my heart, and all i can do is fall to my knees. because these words cannot proclaim the Glory of which i yearn to tell. this voice cannot find the perfect Harmony in which i ache to sing. this hands cannot create the Perfection for which they long for. and all i want to do is praise my Savior, but oh these limbs.
this heart. i'm all caught up in myself. and i know it. and i ache and ache to be cut free of the flesh that searches my veins for an atom of strength.

yet,

even still,

hope binds with the desperation, and i am caught up in a storm of change He is working in me. for though the song may not be perfect, the sound of it fills His heart with love upon love and it overflows. even still.
i felt it in the girl who stayed by my side. all humbleness and love, beaming the thing He knew i needed the most.

i'm late but you know already that i think this is beautiful. re-reading it revealed new layers, too. especially the bit about how the song may not be perfect but it still fills His heart with love. gaah. holding on with you my darling friend.ALSO totally agree with the comment that you and Addy look alike! ;)

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER. *pulls up a chair* HAHA. i love that line all the way down. music is one of my favorite things, but i'm so BAD at creating songs??? still, He loves and loves. that is something so precious and dear that it makes me all teary. xxALSO HAHA. i love her so much so that makes me happy happy.

Cally, you are such a beautiful human and God is working through you, Man oh man has he blessed you with the power of words and the wonderful ability to reach right through the pages and touch a person's heart. I love you sweet girl, keep doing what you're doing and trusting the Lord. Because with God, there is always hope. Even in desperation. Especially in desperation.

ALRIGHT LET'S SLOW DOWN A MINUTE HERE. *dies laughing* Oh baby. Most days I doubt that, but I write on in the hope that it'll glorify Him. It has been a battle every day. And oh, you're completely right. Amen. there is hope beyond hope pouring out of Him, and I only need Him to see that. I love you always. never go too far. x

tbh u make me laugh a lot all of the time. HAHAHA. eeeuughg. *hands you a bucket of love* thanks for loving me, liv girl. it means everything. especially when we're both looking at our Savior with eyes of awe. what on earth. x

I haven't read anything quite like this in a long time. But it's like that every time I get on this wonderful blog. Your words are so beautiful and have the crazy ability to punch someone in the face with just a few words. Keep writing ♡♡

oooo that's a good one. the green kind or the white kind? for the longest time i couldn't eat the white kind becuz i was like waaa i need my food coloring. but now i like both. i think my fav is pistachio or some really thick brownie batter stuff, with those little brownie chunks. mmm. place you want to travel to?

i almost deleted that comment oops. bad me. I ALWAYS LIKED THE GREEN ONE BEST, yo. but now i'm like...they kind of taste the same so both. delish. pistachio is good excluding the pistachios. HAHAH. ooohh yess thick brownie batter sounds good thought.i want to travel to ur house. but if we're being serious, then i actually want to visit the Yosemite national park in Cali. what about you, babe?

hoooo boi. i want a big huggles as well, and we just got snow so wow i'm happy with that. it's so funny, because two nights ago faith and i were outside doing some workout stuff, and it was literally like HOT. like it's been so warm. and we're dancing to music and stuff OUTSIDE under all the stars, and all of the sudden this cold, swirl of wind comes through the backyard. it blows the leaves all in a circle. it makes the windchime sing. it plays with the strings hanging off the little shed. and i just stopped dead in my tracks and looked at faith and said, "that was him." and she laughed. and i knew it would snow. and it did.

so i want more of those moments because i think they're deliciously funny.

hmmmm. how about: what would you want to name your first pet? if it's a dog, that name. or a cat name too. do both. dog and cat.

also if ur wondering yes i have adopted the kitty in the blog pictures because she is so cute and soft and she loves to sit on our chair cushion outside and sometimes she lets me pet her soft belly when it's all warm and the night is really cold and it warms my fingers right up.

also i love this picture of joel so much. he's such a sweet beam of light. like my goal is always to make him laugh really hard because he has such a wonderful laugh and i am sneaky so he always laughs wow.

HAHAHAH. that is so preciooooussss. i love our jack frost right down to his bones. ugh. we had a light sprinkling of rain yesterday and i woke up this morning to a powdered sugar ground. it all melted lolz. but i want some snow (because i secretly just want SPRING and SUMMER and we can't get there without winter).

tell me all ur moments. i love them.

THAT IS SO HARRDDDD. ugh. but for a dog, i'd probably do something like pancake or george. and for a cat, probs like tulip or wiggles. what about you?????

OH. I KNEW SHE WAS URS. is it buffy or another cat. *squinty eyes* i can't remember for life of me. that is the cutest thing og my goodnesss.

r u kidding me. my goal is to listen for all the jingles of the laughter that wisps into the air. i know you'll be there, making them laugh. and i will be here, filling my soul with that joy. eheheh.

sam our boi. if he doesn't send his forms in, i'm going to make u call him personally. he will come home whether he WANTS TO OR NOT.

i think i'd name a dog something weird like the great beast and then we'd call him g.b. and those are my initials too *finger guns* or something like dog. i think that's the funniest thing. just dog. HEY DOG. what dog. DOG DOG. for some reason i just thought of a cat and my brain was like...name it kitty malone. ???? shhhh brain.

this kitt is cally, but she's like buffy's queen. although she's gotten really chubby lately because she's been eating too many birds, so we should call her fatty.

it is good because our goals go perfectly together.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2-aUNmYNLM

i've been crying about that song forever. like the line: she is good, but she lies. it's just like owwwww that hurtz.

what restaurant would you go to right now and why can't i spell restaurant.

HAHAH. i love our boys. camp is in my veins, baby. i'm ready to go. to go to go to goooooo.

great beast oh my gosh. HAHAHA. or dog. those are totes u. oh goodness. also it's almost like a kid thing to do because they always choose silly names (cough BEST NAMES cough unless it's spot like c'mon kid don't choose spot).

cally. dat's my name. i am a cat and i will go snoozing cruisin around town eating burds.

so tru.

oh my gosh that song has been SO PAINFULLLLLLL. i really like it but it's like oh ur heart needs a breaking. weeps. aLSOOOO so i was listening to songs the other day and i found one of the songs from this Waitress broadway thing too. good job, us. anyway way to break my heart.

um so i just woke up and i didn't eat so i'm hungry. so probs iHop with u orRRR does that one little place we went to in La Veta for pancakes on my last day there count because i would go there again. loved it. WHAT ABOUT YOU BABE.

that's so true. i think it's hilarious when kids name anything. they're so brilliant. (except the spot kid. he wasn't raised right.)

ALWIHEFLAIWHEFLAIWHEFLIAWHE so good. i also like "a soft place to land." makes me think about my book and oscar weep.

ohhhhh yes. i would probably go to my kitchen to make us pancakes with crispy little edges and strawberries and milk and lots of chocolate chips and some chocolate syrup for u.

i think my favorite flower is either lily-of-the-valley or forget-me-nots. all those hyphens. lolz. i like the lily because it's so small and happy, and it means return to happiness which is my favorite thought. and forget-me-nots sometimes stand for memories, which is pretty, and they're blue.

awwwwwwwwwww. *rests in your arms* that sounds too perfect. let's just do it right now because it's snowing and i need to do school but i don't WANt to. (okay well i want to but i don't feel like it??).

i actually guessed that it would be forget-me-nots for some reason. x and that is so cute. i don't have a favorite one. i love poppies because they're the ones that have stayed with me the longest, in these summer days. we used to have tulips that would grow every year, but those are now gone. but hey. the poppies always come in bunches and i am thankful. but i still like daisies and SUNFLOWERS (bc sunflowers litter the roads all the way to you & up to camp). and i also like dandelions even though those are considered a weed. and i love roses. and everything else.

OH THAT'S HARD. i love all my camp ones. and it changes depending on the month. currently it's my light blue HS camp one, covered in notes about my baptism. it means a lot to me. i don't wear it a bunch because i'm like GOTTA SAVE IT FOR THE MOMENTS I NEED IT. but other than that, i love my colorado tshirt.