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LOL! The cop would have said, don't be there. But, yeah, I am not talking about pounding on people. When you know how to protect yourself from an attack, would-be attackers are simply less likely to attack you. Maybe we carry ourselves differently.

In the book, A Tree Grows In Brooklyn, Frannie goes off to work downtown and has to ride the train or bus, and someone mashes her. She is mortified. Her Aunt tells her to just suck it up, or something like that. But her mother tells her to carry a large hat pin, and if someone does that again, hit him with it. Once she starts carrying that pin, no one messes with her again. Why? Because she is now prepared, she is ready, and people can tell.

05-12-2014 07:15 PM

misslesleedavis1

I like that selzer has a point. Predict the back of head hit and simply throw him thru a wall.

GSD Fan, have you ever taken a good self-defense course? I took one with a group of survivors of sexual abuse. The person who instructed was a cop in the area for 30+ years. It was practical, but it was also physical. I know I suggested this a while back to you. Self defense is like agility to a scaredy-dog, it exercises the mind and body and helps us to feel more safe, and helps us to be more safe. It helps us own our power.

You also need to find some good real friends. One friend isn't enough, one friend will get burned out. You need four or five good friends, that you will need to build relationships with. You will need to learn their limits, by trial and error. Moms and Dads are are awesome, but they are also pretty safe. Psychologists and psychiatrists are also ok, but they are also safe. Pastors are safe. These relationships will not propel you out to find real friendship (though Mom and Dad can be friends).

The internet people are also safe. What I mean by safe is, if you get embarrassed, you can just shut off the computer and forget about that person. The other relationships are not equal. They are Doctor-patient, Pastor-parishioner, Parent-child. You are in the receiving end, and they are on the giving end. You can expect guidance and help, but these are not people that you might need to set limits with, forgive, overlook shortcomings, ask them to overlook your shortcomings, etc.

When we are constantly concerned about what total strangers say or do to us, it is usually because we do not have people that we feel on equal terms with. Everybody is better than us, so what they say to us matters. You need to get more of an equal footing with some people. You need to find some friends. What keeps you from doing this, is something you might work on with your therapist or psychiatrist. Find out what fears are driving you to push people away, and find out where you might find some people that are good candidates to become the friends you really need.

When you start feeling better about yourself, when you start feeling equal to everyone around you, the bullies will stop treating you so foully. I know that is blaming the victim. But a lot of times, it is the response we give whether physical or verbal that keeps bullies going. When we start feeling better about ourselves, what total strangers think of us, really doesn't matter any more. The way to feel better about ourselves is to have some real friends that can be equal and can provide a give and take relationship, that we can start to trust in small ways, and will offer to trust us is some ways, and we can grow with.

One of the saddest threads I read here in a long time was the one where people were saying that their dog was really the only friend they had. And a lot of people were saying a similar thing. Dogs are awesome because they give us unconditional love, they can even be a gateway to human relationships, but they cannot reflect ourselves from human eyes. And neither can people on internet sites.

Friends do not need to be your age, they do not need to share the same faith, they do not have to love your dog breed, they do not need to be the same in every way. You do not have to talk to them every day, or every week. But you do have to pay attention. You do have to ask them about themselves, and you do have to accept them for who they are: imperfect human beings who will make mistakes and let you down.

It is maybe the toughest step in recovering from a lot of conditions that are mental and/or emotional.

05-12-2014 06:21 PM

GSD Fan

I cannot see or speak to my psychiatrist til next week, so that's out of luck.

Also, these people know my name and face because people text each other and tell each other my name. I've had people take my picture before, put words under it, and text it. They do this stuff all the time.

Finally, if a guy hits you in the back of the head or talks about you everyday, moving doesn't do anything. He'll still watch and talk about you on the other side of the room. That happens to me a lot. I'll move away from people sitting behind me and talking about me and they'll keep looking over there at me on the other side of the room.

I still maintain that these are not hallucinations. Someday, I will prove that what I am going through is real. I will prove it.

05-12-2014 06:02 PM

Gretchen

After re-reading your post about your knowledge of your grand illusions and awareness of your auditory illusions, I just wanted to say just being aware and recognizing them is huge! The woman I mentioned in my prior post who could describe her feelings during the ambulance ride was on her way to recovery. She was about the only person I met at the facility who could recognize her auditory and visual disturbances for what they were and she was so helpful because she could verbalize what it meant to be schizophrenic because she could also be direct and objective about it. The one thing she confided in me was that she was afraid to tell her sister about occasionally hearing voices, she did not want to disappoint her and felt she was going backwards in recovery. Although this will probably be a lifelong struggle, it can be manageable, just like people manage their diabetes and asthma and allergies, etc. Just keep your communication open and honest. I hope your start feeling better soon and not to worry about what other people think and listen to your dad . My dad says whether or not it's happening, stay strong and treat people the way Christ treated his enemies.

05-12-2014 02:47 PM

Msmaria

Anytime you are starting a new medicine, you should be monitored very closely. Just because it seems like a new medicine will work better than the last doesnt mean it will. My brother went through a few before we found the right mixtures of meds.

To find out if your doing okay on your meds Your dr needs to know everything that you are experiencing. Whether you have witnesses or not. He will know if this is normal or not and whether you need more time to adjust to the new meds. Don't feel like you are bothering him by checking in and letting him know how you are feeling.

Just coming here and telling people about your story and these experiences, tells me that you are a very very strong person. It is not easy dealing with what your dealing with.

What Gretchen said about the mind interpreting things differently ,she's so right.
I took my brother to his veteran benefit office many years ago. When we got off the elevator my brother was extremely angry and upset. I asked him what was wrong. He told me that a spy was in the elevator , according to him the same guy had been following him for days. I almost believed him. However, when he said the guy was giving him dirty looks in the elevator and then grinning at him as if teasing him that he couldn't get away from him no matter what, I knew something was wrong. I had been in the elevator too and the guy had only smiled and nodded when we got on the elevator. What made things worse was they guy turned out to be my brothers attorney. Needless to say that didnt work out and it took us 6 months of coaxing and meds doing their job to get him back in to be seen.

05-12-2014 01:52 PM

LoveDogs

You can not control other people- their actions or reactions to specific things. You can control your actions and reactions. People are creatures of habit. If the same person hits you I the back of the head daily- avoid where he/she is at that time of day. The new medication actually sounds as if it's working for you in my opinion. Psych medications tend to make you very sleepy until you get over the side effect. I think I'd rather sleep than see giant lizards and have delusions. However, it could be that the medication is causing some of the auditory delusions to return. When in public places, how do people know your name? You say that they call you by your name. If you do not know the person and they are calling you by your name you may be experiencing a delusion. I know it's hard to sometimes tell the real from the unreal and it must be frightening to try to sort it all out. If this is to the point of considering taking your own life, you need to see your psychiatrist. Like someone else pointed out, perhaps the stress in your life is a bit too much for you at this time. Maybe the psychiatrist can refer you to a setting that is less stressful for you at this time. A group home setting might help you get acquainted with your activities of daily living and you will be surrounded by caregivers that can redirect you if needed.

05-12-2014 01:07 PM

Cara Fusinato

Gretchen -- that is so true -- your experience/observation. I think if the meds have not really worked in 3-4 weeks it is time to go back for fine tuning. They should work quicker than that unless you are tapering them upwards and haven't reached max dose. You are like my shepherd, extremely sensitive to the environment and very small actions from people. Talk to your provider about strategies to tune out a lot of things. With practice, you really only half-notice people an half-listen to people when you are out and about and it makes it so much easier to be around others.

05-12-2014 11:44 AM

Gretchen

I don't know if the stress from moving is worth what you are going through, real or imagined.

As a student I had a chance to work with schizophrenics for about 3 weeks, I know not very long, but here is what I observed. They were extremely sensitive to their surroundings but their mind interpreted some things wrong., one of them almost to the point of being psychic. One patient would complain the medical assistants were farting on him - he would interpret some of the real unpleasant smells as intentional actions against him. Another woman was able to describe her feelings when she was transported by ambulance after falling and hurting her cheek. She said when the police and paramedics came, the police really freaked her out. All she could focus on was their baton and gun on their belt. Intellectually she knew they wouldn't hurt her but still her unrealistic fear of the office using his baton on her was almost unbearable. This was in the evening and she also described on how the headlights from the cars passing by seemed 50x brighter and flashed more than normal. Another patient seemed to partially read my thoughts. I never talked about myself to him, but one day he started talking about how he had a German Shepherd named, King and a Siamese cat and that someone fed one of this dogs meatballs filled with glass and the dog ate it and died. I have a GSD, I have a Siamese and the day before my mother repeated her horrible childhood story about the glass filled meatballs. I felt like this patient was reading my mind. but his mind interpreted these images differently.

It would be great if you had a support person to speak with when you feel you are being violated. Like people who are in AA have someone to call. Could you use the psychology services on campus? My school had free walk in health care and mental health care services. Our health care personnel were very professional and compassionate.

I used to get panic/anxiety. For a long time I've been over it, but a few years ago under a great deal of stress my panic and insomnia came back. Even good stress would sometimes bring it on, you just had a good stress, your mom's graduation. See if you mom can find some support persons or groups for you in between your doctor's appointments. Hopefully talking things out will help.

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