Oh the glory of casting the dueling blondes in Sean Wilsey's San Francisco story

Sean and Pat: I think this is 1974 but I'll need to run by Sean.
Sean Wilsey and his mother Pat (Montandon) Wilsey
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Sean and Pat: I think this is 1974 but I'll need to run by Sean.
Sean Wilsey and his mother Pat (Montandon) Wilsey
HANDOUT

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Sean and Pat: I think this is 1974 but I'll need to run by Sean.
Sean Wilsey and his mother Pat (Montandon) Wilsey
HANDOUT

Sean and Pat: I think this is 1974 but I'll need to run by Sean.
Sean Wilsey and his mother Pat (Montandon) Wilsey
HANDOUT

Oh the glory of casting the dueling blondes in Sean Wilsey's San Francisco story

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Casting call: Studio executives would have to be myopic not to see the movie potential in "Oh the Glory of It All," Sean Wilsey's memoir of growing up rich and confused in San Francisco's best ZIP codes. His story has it all: lust, greed, dueling blondes, fabulous clothes and jewels, and even a quixotic quest for world peace.

I hereby offer my services as casting director gratis. I've observed all the principals in action at society functions and attended several of Pat Montandon's fabled roundtables, where guests sang for their lunch by pontificating until the hostess rang a silver bell indicating it was time to shut up.

Although she lost multimillionaire Al Wilsey (whose fortune was built on slabs of butter and the tallow McDonald's cooks fries in) to society high priestess Dede Traina, there's no way Montandon will lose top billing to her. The movie should focus on Montandon's rise from itinerant roots to the peak of Russian Hill in the 1970s; her fall as the discarded wife, complete with a suicidal gesture out of William Inge; and rise again as a humanitarian deserving, in her own mind, of the Nobel Peace Prize.

Sean Wilsey accurately describes his mom's resemblance to Marilyn Monroe. The only actress around with that combination of sizzle and innocence is Charlize Theron. I can see her squired around by Frank Sinatra (played by Ray Liotta), whom Montandon met at Lake Tahoe; marrying Melvin Belli (John Goodman) in a bogus Shinto ceremony; and wearing a slinky evening gown and boa on her own TV show. Best of all, the enormously appealing Theron would win audience sympathy when Montandon's alleged best friend ends up with her husband.

Reading how Dede won her battle with the bulge to become "petite, almost reduced, like a sauce," Renee Zellweger immediately came to mind. She's as perky as Dede, which is not the same as pretty -- although one could approximate the other with the right designer wardrobe and the best makeup and hair advice money can buy. In "Chicago," Zellweger proved she was up to playing the "perpetual speech machine" Sean describes, capable of "generating words with seemingly no connection to what she was thinking, although her mouth was moving while her brain was otherwise engaged." The Oscar winner also has the acting chops to turn from charming to conniving, as Dede's stepson writes that she did.

Al Wilsey, his son alleges, was unfaithful to Dede with eight women. This calls for the sexiest balding actor around. No contest: The part goes to Ed Harris. He can do chilly and would be perfect in the divorce court scenes in which Wilsey was "viciously businesslike" in denying Montandon rights to any portion of his fortune.

John Traina, Dede's ex, is remembered by Sean as wearing a "green cardigan tied around his neck and a red-and-white-checked shirt, open at the throat" and for being "always tan." Cary Grant could have portrayed him, but now it will be left to the suavest guy in today's Hollywood -- George Clooney. Meanwhile Courteney Cox Arquette would be a good match for Danielle Steel, whom Traina married next. Cox Arquette could emulate the romance novelist's air of efficiency bordering on brusqueness that's allowed her to produce so many children and books. Also, the actress looks great pregnant. Whoever plays a young Sean will have to be capable of conveying a secret life in which he's mentally taking notes on the strange goings-on. Sounds like Haley Joel Osment to me. I can envision him wandering up and down Russian Hill muttering "I see rich people" between his other favorite saying, "Oh the Glory of It All."

And your choices are...: Maybe you see other actors in the roles. If so, let me know via e-mail (rstein@sfchronicle.com) no later than May 31. You can cast just one of the parts or all of them, but for each suggestion, please include a sentence explaining why. I'll list some of your casting choices in next week's column.