Friday, May 22, 2015

Can't You Hear Me Knocking - The Rolling Stones

MichelleObama posted
a video of herself thrashing a punching bag. Of course she has to learn how
defend herself, the Secret Service is drunk all the time.

Former New England Patriot, Aaron Hernandez appeared in
court with a brand new neck tattoo that says Lifetime, like his sentence. Good
thing Hernandez did not get the death penalty, because he couldn’t spell
Euthanasia.

A study by Carnegie Mellon University says having more sex
does not make couples happier. “Hey, stick to studying melons, Carnegie, “ said
all guys in a relationship.

The lead singer for “The Who”, Roger Daltry, threatened to
leave a concert because of too much pot smoke. Keith Richards is spinning in
his grave and he isn’t dead yet. We don’t think.

A survey claims over a quarter of drivers have used Facebook
while driving. The worst part is when they ask you to “Like” their “World Class
Douche Bag” page.

“TLC” has pulled “19 and Counting” because of child
molestation admission by one Duggar brother against his younger sisters. Who
could have imagined having 19 kids could result in serious emotional problems?
Oh, right, everyone.

It is hard white-trash-work for a family to make the family
on “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” look good.

There was a 5.4 earthquake outside of Las Vegas. It was so
strong, it actually shook some tourists inside to the “Justin Bieber Tribute”
show.

Three questions;

What is your at-bat song? (The song they play on the P.A.
when you step to the plate)

If you had a horse, what would you name it?

And what is your porn name? (Convention is first name of
your childhood pet, last name of your childhood street)

Me?

“Can’t you hear me knockin’” Rolling Stones

Cochise

Charlie Elm

(The two worst porn names on record based on first name of childhood pet and last name of childhood street are Tiny Wood for a man and Stinky Canyon for a woman)

The Chicago Blackhawks beat the Anaheim Ducks in triple
overtime 3-2. Asked to comment, a hockey-savvy Anaheim fan said; “Our team should’ve
used those slappy poles to knock that disc thingy in the net-jobber more.”

The Chicago Blackhawks beat the Anaheim Ducks in triple overtime 3-2. Asked to comment, a hockey-savvy Anaheim fan said; "It is gnarly how they use that same stuff we surf on but then they like get it totally cold and then slide on top of it. Righteous."

The Chicago Blackhawks beat the Anaheim Ducks in triple
overtime 3-2. This is quite a rivalry when you consider Anaheim is a hockey
haven that only has a team because Emilio Estevez decided to make a children’s
movie.