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Thanks Betch

Tag: tanning

It’s October, meaning that after a month of getting into your winter bod, it is now time to put on the sluttiest fucking thing you’ve ever seen in your life your Halloween costume and parade your two-months-into-seasonal-depression look for the general public. Unfortunate. But until we can get a law passed that officially moves Halloween … Continued

As we head into depression fall, our summer tans we worked so hard on will fade faster than you can say, “PSL.” The idea of a tanning salon sounds great and all, but IDK about you. Absorbing a massive amount of UV radiation into my skin doesn’t sound fabulous after all. And like, did I … Continued

It’s easy to see why tanning is an addiction for betches. For three months out of the year (or, six if you’re a rich bitch who vacations in the winter), we care about accomplishing one thing, and one thing only: passing for the racial identity we lied about on our Tinder profile being tan AF. … Continued

August is upon us, which means we’re about to enter that traumatizing stage of summer where it’s too hot to even hit the “continue watching” button on Netflix let alone actually leave your house to go outside and live your life tan. Nope, not gonna happen. That said, I can’t let my laziness this weather … Continued

We all know that having a super sweet bronze bod come summer is like, the pinnacle of hotness. I mean, it makes you look skinnier, those bikini tan lines are an instant sign of a weekend well spent, and nothing goes with your Prada glasses quite like bronze skin and beach hair. But like, tanning also … Continued

Remember when summer use to mean three long months of doing nothing but sitting on your ass and slowly turning an ambiguous shade of brown, all while cooling off blacking out poolside? Ah, memories. Now, summer is the season I feel most personally victimized by. First, it comes out of fucking nowhere every single year … Continued

It’s not an average day for me unless I wake up to some sort of self-inflicted sabotage that’s ruining my life and my room décor. Usually it’s from makeup stains on my pillows, bedding, or the only shirt I’ve ever paid more than $30 for after a happy hour gone wrong very right or a … Continued

Admit it: Nothing makes you feel more confident about not being remotely close to your #SummerBodGoals than having a great tan. It not only makes you look racially ambiguous enough for a guy to question where you’re from, but coincidentally, it makes you look skinnier too. Like, TYSM. There must be someone looking out for … Continued

Summer is literally right around the corner and I am PISSED that no one notified me about this. Like, I just hung up my puffy coat two months weeks ago and you suddenly expect me to shed my dry AF winter skin and wine- and cheese-induced body already?? I am not Khloé Kardashian, I can’t … Continued

Remember when March used to mean Spring Break aka when March used to mean a week you will actually never remember because you spent seven days blacking out on the beaches of Cabo and starting so much drama it made this season’s Bachelor beach volleyball game look like a huge success? Ah, take me back. … Continued