Flirting?

Dandy if you smiled at me, I would probably strike up a conversation with you. I am so shy that I do the opposite in awkward situations so I can get over the weird shy feelings faster.

Very cool. There's hope for me yet if smiling like a dork could attract a beautiful woman. :wink: I need to learn your strategy!

Speaking of which.... Heeeeeelp! I met this great chick and both times I saw her I was just a blabbering idiot because I'm so darned shy. I really do need to learn how to flirt because as it stands, I'm so nervous that it often comes across as lack of interest - when it's actually the EXACT OPPOSITE! Durg.

Hmm... this is a very interesting topic. I am very shy and it suprises me that so many others out there are like me. I have only been out (to my self) for about 3 yrs now. I figured that is why I am so shy. But now I dont know. Does it get easier with time?

It's likely with the day's energy that you would rather daydream than get into the real world. As an air sign, you are susceptible to daydreaming and taking imagination trips.

Dandy, it sounds like you are in a pickle. What types of things do you say or do that you think sound foolish? If you really like her, why don't you try being yourself. Flirting is really just a way of saying hi. Since you have already said hi, you've covered 1/2 the battle. You said you met her twice, if you don't mind my asking, where? Have you discovered anything you have in common (such as where you met perhaps)? Has she expressed any interest or are you still feeling her out? If she has expressed interest, it may be time to step up a notch to the advanced flirting. The most important thing to remember is to relax. She is probably just as nervous as you are. Try to bring the conversation around something you both share interests in or feel her out and find out if she shares an interest of yours (such as a local film or an art exhibit or concert or the weather). None-the-less just relax. If she doesn't like you for who you are, then she doesn't deserve to get to know you. I know that sounds cheesy, but it is true. You have to know that you have something wonderful to offer her and she should be so lucky. You should become a bartender for a week. It will teach you a lot about opening up around people. I think everyone should bartend for a week. I did it for several years and used to manage a jazz club. I don't recommend it long term. Just joking...kind of. Back to the point, be natural. Ask her how long she has lived in the area or some other how long question. The main thing to do to prevent babbling is to ask her questions to get her to open up. The more she tells you, the easier it will be to figure out how to ask her out. Or you could chit chat a bit and go for the gusto. Ask her to do something (on friendly terms). What is the worst that could happen? Before you answer that question, let me remind you that she has already talked with you twice so she must like something you had to say (or maybe she is still waiting for you to say more????). You are with out her now and if she says no, nothing will change. BUT if she says yes, then everything changes. So from where I see it, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. So don't be afraid. My dog just go sick, I have to go. Good luck.

"She walks in beauty like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies and all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes" -Lord Byron

Actually, it's a complicated story. I met her at a party the first time. Then I met another woman online who, as it turns out, was friends with her. So, I met her again.

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Has she expressed any interest or are you still feeling her out?

Damn, I wish I was feeling her out. :twisted: But, we just went to a show together where she flatly said she wasn't attracted to me. *Sigh* that's the way the cookie crumbles. She's still a very cool person to hang with though, so hopefully we'll keep in touch.

I like your idea of bartending for a week. Kinda like my theory of telemarketing. Even though it's an evil job, it sure taught me confidence on the phone! (Hey, maybe I should bring a phone with me on dates). LoL!
Thanks for the advice, Teoria. Oh, and I hope your dog is ok!

Dandy, sorry I took so long to respond. I have been busy. Don't take it personal. It just means that you found out that she isn't the one and at least you found this out b/f investing too much time. You will find someone, but don't let this be an excuse to be shy. You have to take chances or you will never know. Everyone is scared of being rejected but if no one tries, then no one will get the opportunity to be accepted.( they need a smily face that winks).

"She walks in beauty like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies and all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes" -Lord Byron

Glad it's not just me... spent this past weekend at a game convention and a couple women there actually took my breath away, and my guy friends were ribbing me for being a chicken for not going to hit on them, but I really have no idea how. I can start a conversation with a girl who's wearing something cool, but unless there are hours to let the conversation wander, I still have trouble feeling out any subtext.

Hi all. I'm brand new to this site.
Everyone thinks I am extroverted and confident, yet I am shy when it comes to talking to a woman I am attracted to. I am kind of like Dandy.
Something that helps a little (depending on the situation) is to actually mention you are nervous and might sound a little goofy.
I sometimes find myself in a situation that really confounds me: I see a woman I am attracted to, but do not know if I will ever see her again. It isn't really appropriate to ask someone out 5 mins. after meeting, yet you may never see her again. How do you handle that one?
I went to a walk-in clinic the other day. The physicians' assistant who saw me was one of the cutest women I have ever seen. My gadar went off loud and clear. We had 5-10 mins. together. Now what? At least I know where she works (I guess I could wait for her to leave work some day, just like a good little stalker, lol). Maybe I could injure myself (jk, I'm not that crazy).
I guess when you are straight and you hit on someone gay, it usually isn't a big deal (I think we gay people expect it from time to time). When you are gay and hit on someone straight, you just might get yourself in more trouble than you ever wanted. I think this is part of the problem we have sometimes (hey, gadar isn't perfect).

alright injuring yourself would probably not be the best method roo. If you really feel you connected with her, then stop by for a note or something from the doc. Make up a reason to pick up something and ask her out. I mean what is the worst thing that could happen...she says no. Ok so what. Don't take it personally. BUt what if she said yes. Think about what this could mean. You have to take a chance in life or you miss out on all of the fun. And it is the good stuff that makes all the bad worth it. So ask her out and if you are ever in a position like this again...carpe diem. It is the yeses that make the no's bearable and even worth it. Each no is one step closer to a yes because you have just narrowed the playing field. Statistically speaking, the odds are on your side.

"She walks in beauty like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies and all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes" -Lord Byron

Thanks for your reply, Teoria.
Actually, I sent her a simple note. Stopping by wasn't really going to be an option, unfortunatley.
In the note I explained the diffuculty of asking her out during the 5 mins. we had together (at her workplace, no less). I then asked her if she would like to meet casually, in a public place. That way we could talk a while without being too uncomfortable. I gave her my name and phone number and the option to either call or not. I told her I would understand if she didn't call and I would not bother her again.
I let you know if she does call.