​A little over a month ago, I saw a tweet from Dr. Steven Perry that has bothered me ever since.

While Dr. Perry was amazed and inspired by what he witnessed, I was heartbroken. What he saw as the “ladder to success” I saw as the road to destruction. ​​Dr. Perry seems to operate on a premise of respectability politics, one that attempts to police members of marginalized groups by teaching and encouraging social values that are compatible with mainstream values. While this sounds promising, the core of respectability politics occurs at the expense of learning to understand and love one’s own innate or inherent cultural identity. Because of that, respectability politics are risky.

The reasons for respectability politics...

While I am typically unapologetic about my criticism of respectability politics, I do realize that often times, these “politics” have derived out of legitimate fear and concern for the well-being of our loved ones. For example, it’s common to hear a parent instruct their {Black} children not to wear hoodies in stores, or to say “yes ma’am/sir” to law enforcement. These instructions are meant to guide toward success and steer away from misfortune. Sometimes, these instructions are given to prevent very real threats to livelihood itself.

While these instructions to be respectable provide some ease of worry and anxiety for parents and loved ones, they come with a cost. I believe that every time a young Black person is persuaded to change themselves in order to fit in or be safe, they are disempowered. That simple and seemingly innocent instruction to change or be different gradually becomes an attitude of inferiority, then a belief in inequity, and then a mindset of defeat.

This is dangerous. The benefits of respectability politics do not seem to outweigh the cons, particularly when we have be given countless examples of how being respectable was not enough to protect from prejudice, discrimination, harm, or loss of life.

First- & Second- Order Change.

There are concepts in psychology referred to as “First- Order Change” and “Second- Order Change.” First Order Changes are generally employed to achieve a balance or establish some sort of equilibrium within a system. In general, First Order Changes are linear, simple, require less consideration, and are met with very little resistance. Responding to racial discrimination with respectability politics is a First-Order Change. It’s a linear, simple, minimally resistant solution to experiences of racial discrimination.

​On the other hand, Second Order Changes are quite the opposite. Second Order Changes are non-linear, complex, require much thought and consideration, and are generally met with resistance. This is because Second Order Changes challenge the very foundation in which a system is created and maintained. This is generally how real change is made. Teaching and encouraging Black individuals to resist mainstream standards and to embrace their cultural uniqueness is a Second Order Change.

We need more Second-Order Change.

It is not enough to teach Black people to be “respectable” in order to attain success. Instead, we must encourage adequate racial socialization of young Black children, which should include the following:​

Knowledge and teachings about one’s history and culture.

Messages and practices that encourage racial pride.

An honest (yet age appropriate) understanding about experiences of racism, prejudice, and discrimination.

While this does not ensure that Black children will not face harm, ridicule, or discrimination because of their race, it will ensure that Black children have the tools and skills to handle such experiences. Additionally, adequate racial socialization will help to buffer some of the negative impacts of racial distress they experience, resulting in a lowered risk for mental health challenges. Ultimately, adequate racial socialization leads to healthy racial identity development, and pride and affection for one’s own culture. Empowerment comes with learning to embrace one’s culture without internalizing the negative biases and beliefs that come with forcing one to be respectable (or less of themselves).

Cultural pride is necessary for optimal mental health and well-being. Respectability politics only strips one of the ability to feel pride, strength, and power in simply being themselves. The lack of cultural pride and empowerment can lead to underdeveloped identity, misplaced emotionality, and a host of other mental health concerns. ​Healthy children and adults are ones who are happy with themselves. No amount of respectability politics will ever be worth more than genuine satisfaction and contentment with one’s self and culture.

Let’s choose to end respectability politics by replacing them with love and acceptance of ourselves and each other.