10/13/2015

Fuck Benghazi

At this point, the Rude Pundit thinks he's speaking for the vast majority of Americans when he says, "Who the fuck cares anymore about whatever the fuck happened in Benghazi?" For three fuckin' years, we've been subjected to the attempt by Republicans to fuck Benghazi into some meaningful analogy for the failures of Hillary Clinton and President Obama. Yet no matter how many times they stick their dicks into Benghazi, no matter how many times they fuck Benghazi in the mouth, in the ass, in the ears, in the eyes, it remains what it is: an unfortunate fuck-up in an unfortunate, fucked-up situation. At this point, inbred-eyed geek Trey Gowdy is just cutting new holes in Benghazi to fuck, saying that, yes, fuck, this time, this time, with the emails, the motherfucking emails, we'll finally get something, some little moan from Benghazi that'll show everyone we were right.

No, you won't. What Republicans have actually done is taken a tragedy and politicized it to such a ludicrous extent that any semblance of tragedy has been erased from it. Now it's just that abstract event where Hillary Clinton used a secret vagina gun to murder Ambassador Chris Stevens while allowing ululating hordes of Allah-worshippers to overrun the American compound before sending out Susan Rice to lie before she came back to the White House to eat her out while Barack Obama jacked off into a dead security agent's skull.

Anyone other than family members and friends who gets choked up or outraged about Benghazi anymore ought to be treated like just-released child molesters: shunned, labeled, driven away from places where decent people want to gather.

What's the reason for this welling of anger? Is it the now-politically-deceased Kevin McCarthy's admission that the Super Special Ultra We're-Really-Gonna-Find-Out-Now Committee on Making Hillary Smell Our Farts had the purpose of making Hillary smell their farts? Was it the SSUWRGFON Committee whistleblower saying, "These skeevy motherfuckers are too busy fucking their mothers to give a shit about anything else"?

No. The straw that chapped this camel's ass was a bullshit ad from the bullshit Stop Hillary PAC, a group that sounds like some pathetic group of bros who Hillary wouldn't hand job when they were in high school together. The ad is titled "I'd Like to Ask," and it's a conspiracy theory wet dream of actors doing voiceovers pretending to be the Americans killed at Benghazi and what they'd "like to ask" Hillary Clinton, which, surprisingly, is not "When are these jackals going to stop feeding on our corpses?" The ad ends with Chris Stevens' grave being shown because nothing says how much you respect a family's loss than shoving it in their faces and turning their loved ones into meat puppets.

The ad will be shown tonight during the Democratic debate where you can bet some faux journalist or play-mad citizen will ask Hillary Clinton about Benghazi. And, frankly, it wouldn't be surprising if Hillary just turned to whoever and said, "You know what? Fuck you. Kiss my ass. I'm taking my millions of dollars and getting the fuck out of here. Good luck with President Trump, America. I'm moving to a private island."

So, yeah, as a matter of fact, fuck Benghazi. Fuck it. Fuck. It. We should be sick and tired of pretending we give a shit anymore. And fuck everyone making bank off it. You can shove the femurs of the dead up your worthless asses and fuck yourselves with them.

Note: For more subtle jibes like this, join the Rude Pundit and Jeff Kreisler tonight on Rabble.tv for live commentary during the Democratic debate on CNN starting at 8:30 p.m ET. Watch on TV, listen on your computer. It's the future!

You can listen for free or sign up for free and write comments during the broadcast. Tell us if we're awesome or suck or awesomely suck.