Of the people. For the people. By the people.

Europa League Pressers and Team News

Since groups and fixtures have been announced, I thought now would be a good time to talk about pressers and team news because we are hoping you guys will start posting these ahead of your first set of matches!

As you guys know, Europa is more selective and more personal than the leagues. Therefore, we are expecting more from you guys. While not required, we are hoping you will all help add to the spirit of the Europa League in the form of Pressers and Team News. Have a look at last years pressers to see what we are hoping to replicate. Newman’s pressers were among people’s favorites :D.

You can contribute in really any way that you want, ranging from a very brief team news, to an extravagant presser like Newman and ranging from something more serious to something lighter and more humorous in nature. Whatever you decide to do, we will appreciate it :D.

In order to expose the FFS community to the great atmosphere of the CL while making sure everyone can see your awesome pressers we ask you to follow the following simple process:

1. Post your presser/team news on FFS for people to enjoy!

2. Copy your presser/team news and post it on THIS ARTICLE in the comments section so that people don’t miss it and can respond to it at a later time if they want.

Post navigation

33 thoughts on “Europa League Pressers and Team News”

Thank you, Björk. KR Reykavik would like to welcome you here to talk about our upcoming David & Goliath battle against Acquafresca’s Panathinaikos.

Seemingly blessed by the Greek gods, the towering immensity of their recent form rivals Eyjafjallajokull itself. But we’re vikings and we’re not scared. We will row out in our longboats to the very shores of Greece and commence with the pillaging and the playing of peculiar pop music.

Seriously though, violence is probably our best hope so we’ll be doing plenty of that in the run up to the game.

Machester City Press Conference before the Europa League match against Olympiakos.

AK-cini enters the room, and takes his seat. He starts speaking, but he finds that the mic he’s talking on, isn’t working. He then finds David Luiz laughing pretty hard. Changes seats with Platt and starts speaking.

‘Thizz izz my first prezzer. I am-uhhhh, very happy to take over-uhh.. (checks the color of his scarf) Manzester Zity-uhh. It izz a big club, and izz now playing in the… Europa League.. We are playing Olympiczz-uhh.. (One of the reporters corrects him).. Yeah, Olympikozz-uhh.. I am fed up of Luiz, he… he stealz my scarf all the time-uhh. Ben Daviez tempts me-uhh. And-uh, I want to bring Agwero back in the team-uhh. The oppozite club’z Prat is a good manager-uhh, he’z at least better than Platt. We are away from home, and-uhh, the club hope to win the firzzt game-uhh…. The captain-uhh, will be none other than-uhh….

As he’s speaking, the lights and the mic go off, and a shadow which resembles that of Luiz, walking away in disgust.

An introductory press conference that had begun in smiles and nervous excitement ended in controversy — and possible charges of abusive conduct — as FC Metalist manager TM245 met the media earlier today. Dubbed the Group of Life since none of the managers are currently ranked inside the top 10K, Europa League Group G nevertheless boasts several managers with sterling reputations, elite experience, and Wild Cards in hand or in pocket, as well as new boy TM245.

Instead of the usual pleasantries and banal questions about squad selection and team shape, reporters immediately peppered TM245 about the controversy swirling around his alleged Wild Card completion, as a look at his profile indicates that he has used both WC’s yet shows a group of defenders that resemble, in the words of one questioner, “a lot you might come across in some drunken RMWCT from the Deadzone.”

TM245’s response, “I didn’t really want to WC, so I took a punt on Debuchy, and the rest just happened. That is my squad,” satisfied none of the horde and their questions soon turned belligerent. One reporter held up an iPad in each hand and angrily compared his team heading into gw22
Guzan Tremmel
Baines Walker Clyne Demel Nelsen
Michu Fellaini Bale Mata Puncheon
Berbatov RVP Ba
to the current squad for gw24
Mignolet Bunn
Debuchy Davies Harte Demel Turner
Silva Bale Michu Walcott Wilshere
Podolski RVP Ba
shouting “For god’s sake, Jack Wilshere is there, too. Jack Wilshere!?! On a completed Wild Card team!?! Do you expect anyone to fall for this joke?”

At that point, TM245 steeled himself and coolly replied, “He outpointed Michu last week. He will turn into someone else soon.”

However, another reporter breathlessly glanced at an old FFS post and asked, “Sir, do you deny that you once posted a Killer Z’s wild card team?”

TM245 explained that he thought the inclusion of Chico (from Cadiz!) was “funny,” but the gathering deteriorated into a series of accusations, with several members of the press corps demanding he explain how he had manipulated the FPL site’s code to show a false defensive formation and when he would really use his January wild card.

At that point, TM245 pounded his fist on the table and seethed, “We are the proud descendants of Soviet metalworkers and will tear down the Iron Curtain built by our forefathers one match at a time. My team is on the pitch.”

An awkward silence lasted only a moment as the press identified several potential metalworkers in the lineup and explained that differentials are often different for a reason. TM245 then stood up wordlessly and attempted to disentangle himself from his microphone, but the cackles of laughter only grew louder as the entire room erupted into jeers of “Jack-ie Wil-shere! Clap clap clapclapclap! Matt De-bu-chy! Clap clap clapclapclap! No Juan Ma-ta! Clap clap clapclapclap.”

Embarrassment soon turned to controversy and sociopathy, however, as the embattled competitor channeled his inner gravatar and unleashed a rant straight from the cinematic world of the Coen Brothers, with much of the language, such as the screed “What’s this bulls—? I don’t f—in’ care! It don’t matter to Jesus. But you’re not foolin’ me, man. You might fool the f—s in the FPL office, but you don’t fool Jesus!” not fit for print, especially for younger readers. After gleeful reporters held up their camera phones to record the meltdown, and the incensed manager threatened the room with shouts of “You ready to be f—ed?” and “Metalist and me, we’re gonna f— you up,” TM245 was finally dragged out of the room, though he still resisted his handlers’ attempts to muzzle his shouts of “Let me tell you something, pendejos…Nobody f—s with the Jesus!”

A representative for TM245 released a statement shortly thereafter in which he apologized for the “unfortunate way in which TM245’s message of peaceful gaming was lost in translation. This altercation in no way should cloud what promises to be a spirited yet civil battle in Europa League Group G. He is truly grateful for the opportunity to participate in such an extraordinary competition.”

Predicted to advance: Count of Monte Hristo and Brian, Not the Messiah

Faced with three very hefty opponents in Group H, Ginkapo started to wonder how on earth he was going to drag his band of sorry arses into Europe stardom.

Would defensive tactics, marking man for man, dirty tackles, signing Delap and Kenwyne or possibly snapping up Charlie Morgan on a free. Its fair to say that it has potential judging by the number of simple goals scored this weekend.

Or go more attacking, three at the back, full backs who learnt their trade at the Camp Nou, skip the midfield and just leave Pirlo passing his way to domination on his own, with four strikers up front scaring the opposition to death. Lets just say they will crumble like Brad Jones facing a simple Oldham cross.

Possibly the Mafia might be our best bet, I hear they do a good deal on bulk buys, and surely the assasination of Forca, Aatish and Berbilly has to cost less than Fernando Torres. And as King Kenny will tell you, any transaction that costs less than £50 Milliion is effectively free.

But in reality there is only one way to settle this; its time to make a visit to our inspirational captain who saved us from relegation with a string of 2pt captaincy’s. Only one question.

What Would Kolarov do?

As a result, I’m calling Chuck Norris as we speak. Roundhouse kicks are the order of the day, apparently if you receive enough blows to the Appendix causes players to put in a performance worthy of Walters. Thats right were relying on own goals here in Germany. And remember Angela Merkel will sort things if we dont make it through. Bear that in mind Berbilly, Aatish and Forca.

“and surely the assasination of Forca, Aatish and Berbilly has to cost less than Fernando Torres. And as King Kenny will tell you, any transaction that costs less than £50 Milliion is effectively free.” Brilliant!! 😀

It”s a beautiful day in Tel-Aviv and the media is out in force for the first press conference of Maccabi manager JK, and he appears to be running late. Then the door opens and JK walks in, looking a little befuddled

Jk “Apologies ladies and gentleman I had something to take care off first, I hope you weren’t waiting too long.”

Haaretz – “It’s ok JK Now things did not go your way in the opening match, do you have anything to say?”

JK – “well, let me start by apologising for not being here last week but i had a couple of things that required urgent attention. Now firstly I would like to start by saying that my reason for being late is simple. I have lodged an official complaint to the UEFA higher-ups. There is a rule that 2 teams from the same country should not be in a group together, this rule has clearly been breached.”

Jerusalem Post – “What do you mean JK, Newcastle United are English.”

JK – “What do you mean they’re English? Have you seen their team, there more Frenchman in there than the whole of the French first division combined”

Iton Tel-Aviv – “Yes, but they play in England”

JK – “Something’s not right here” JK looks around confused

Haaretz – “Anyway JK moving on, you suffered a narrow defeat at the hands of Bilbao last time out, what are your thoughts on that.”

JK – “Well, I’m used to losing, why did these guys even hire me? I mean look at my record. There’s some dude over in Romania who’s know for being useless, I make him look good.” The room erupts into laugher

“Now on to the serious stuff. It looked for a long time as though my boys would pull it off, only a moody Scot and a diving Welshman cost me last week.”

Maariv – “Yeah, it looked good for a while, so what can we expect this week”

JK – “well, most of this lot are new, and the ones that aren’t have been retained with good reason. I’ll be giving the lads who went out last week another chance”

Hamodia – “Ok, so will you be doing differently in this role that you didn’t do in Madrid?”

JK – “Well, I was known as something of a risk taker back in Spain, I have assured the chairman that those days are behind me now, safety is the name of the game here.”

London Jewish Chronicle – “Lastly JK, do you have a message for the fans, and for your opposite number, China Mag?”

JK enters the room, surprisingly with a beaming on his face despite the events of last week. Then it becomes clear why. Accompanying JK is a rather striking brunette who walks beside him. It appears to be the one and only Mila Kunis. The room looks to be agog.

JK sits down calmly. “Good evening everybody, I trust you all know who this is?”

Haaretz – “We do JK, but the question is what is she doing here.”

Mila steps in

“I can can answer that, it’s simple really, there has been some rumours going around that I have a ‘thing’ going on with a guy called’ Super Zlatan’.I am here tonight to lay those rumours to rest. I have never, nor will I ever, be with that over-rated piece of **%*^*&*” JK is the 1, simple as that. Over the next 2 weeks, we will show this to be fact”

Jerusalem Post – “wow those are some strong words. JK, do you have anything to say, you vowed revenge on China Mag last week, and it didn’t work out.”

JK – “China Mag is an utter bar steward, first he recommends Marveaux, then he has the temerity to give his armband to Fellaini, march into Tel-Aviv and claim 3 points. I will take him down”

Meretz – “We hope you can JK. Now can you give us an indication of what to expect this week.”

JK – “Sure, well, as you know I left well alone last week and that gave me more freedom this week. I have temporarily waved goodbye to one South American striker, and, for this week, against my better judgement I have given the armband to another one, who plays twice, and I have brought in a selfish Englishman. But I am happy with how things are shaping up, I feel I have done well, but luck hasn’t been on my side.”

London Jewish Chronicle – “We hope this changes JK, what are you hoping for from this double header with PSG?”

JK – “Simple 6 points and for that pest Zlatan to stop harassing Mila once and for all.

Haartez – “Thanks JK, all the best”

JK – “Thanks lads”

As he leaves JK leans a little too close to a microphone and can be heard to say “Idiots, can you believe they fall for this crap?”

GreenWindmill – “First of all, I’d like to apologise for having avoided these press conferences over the last couple of weeks, I’ve had some bad experiences in the past where my comments have been taken out of context but my press officer tells me this is necessary so here I am. Understand this though – I’ll be choosing my words carefully.”

Journalist – “You’re currently bottom of your Europa league group, do you have a realistic chance of progressing?”

GW – “Of course. Whilst it would be nice to be on top all of the time, it can get a little dull. At the moment we’re on the bottom but we’re not going to just roll over and take it, we’re going to fight back and hopefully we can come from behind with a big finish.”

GW – “It certainly is, in fact it’s one of the biggest of my career and I’m staring down the barrel without a doubt. But to be honest I’m licking my lips at the prospect of getting to grips with it. If I manage to pull this off I’m going to be extremely satisfied.”

J – “How big a role do the players have in your positivity?”

GW – “It’s not just the players, everybody involved with the club has managed to rub off on me at some point. It happens at every club I go to.”

J – (“I bet it does.”)

GW – “Eh?”

J – “Nothing. Does the fact you didn’t qualify for this competition purely on league position place extra pressure on you?”

GW – “Not at all. Whilst it wasn’t as comfortable as it could have been, I have no problems with a back door entry, I’ll take it any way I can get it. Now, I’m afraid that’s all the questions I have time for.”

*Green Windmill leaves the conference*

GW – “Right, I think that went quite well, let’s see them take any of that the wrong way.”