"Now about my three hundred scoots," I said. "Before we go any further."

I was stoned but I wasn't stupid. She pouted her lips and made the cutest boo-boo face. But I wasn't buying the act.

I told her I was serious and she said okay and dug out a handful of bills and counted out three hundred in fives, tens and twenties. I was prepared for the worst, half-figuring that the dickplay was just a diversionary tactic. But once she'd paid me off, she dropped to her knees and pressed her face against my crotch.

I was thinking that this was pretty all right as she tugged the zipper down. I could hear the click of every tooth.

It sprung out like a jack-in-the-box. She jumped back, staring as it uncoiled and stretched. My midway monster swayed and stiffened before her wondering eyes. They were as big as saucers.

She made nice with my nads. But I was too shit-faced to feel it until she really started cranking. Arousal cut through the weed as she leaned in and inhaled.

When she popped it out again, it was fully inflated. "I love to feel it blow up in my mouth," she goes.

She started to massage me again. I thought she was gonna twist it like a balloon animal. I was gonna wind up with a goddamn poodle for a prick and I didn't give a shit.

"By the way," she said. "My name's Penny. Penny Happening."

"Baby, you'll never know how pleased I am to meet you," I said as she bent forward to engulf me again.

I leaned way back to give her multi-talented tongue room to work. That's when I noticed the psychedelic blacklight poster on the wall, curling up at one corner. ASS, GAS OR GRASS, it said, NOBODY RIDES FOR FREE.

There are as many ways of giving a blowjob as there are women, but her voracious technique was unmatched in the history of head. She was a real slut about it. Which made it all the better.