In the Philippines, we have a lot of sari-sari stores — small stores that sell all sorts of stuff. My posts are stories of all kinds of stuff that I experience or learn, most especially while being a woman, a wife and a mom. :)

40 things in 40 years

So I turned 40 last week. Here are 40 things I’ve learned so far.

I am called to live a life of PURPOSE, a life to the full. Not just to merely exist, to just get by. Not just for me, myself, and I.

I am a woman, a wife, a queen, a mom, a Torres, a Lucero, a daughter, an in-law, a friend, a sister, a relative, a minister, a disciple, a leader, a follower, a speaker, a writer, a teacher, a host, a volunteer, a Filipino. I am many things, but I am first a CHILD OF GOD. I am loved. I am His.

WITHOUT JESUS, I can do NOTHING. Without Jesus, I am nothing. John 15:5 is my life verse.

Be IN AWE OF JESUS. Never get over how much He loves you and I. That He suffered and died on the cross to pay for your sins and mine. Something you and I totally do not deserve. Something you and I can’t do for ourselves. Something only He was qualified to do. So that you and I can be reconciled with the Father. So that you and I can be forgiven. So that you and I can be free to go back to our original design, which is to love, honor, and commune with God. So that you and I can spend eternity with God in heaven. I am forever grateful.

GOD’S TIMING is PERFECT. He has shown me time and time again that there is a need to pray and believe, but there is no need to rush. Cases in point — my husband, each of my children’s conception and birth, restoration of relationships, our home, provision, etc.

Choosing who to marry is one of the most CRUCIAL CHOICES a person can make. It has an impact on one’s entire lifetime and on the generations that follow them. I thank God for the grace in helping me to wait and to choose King.

My grandparents on both sides were Christians who were actively involved in their church communities, and I am a product (a pleasant shock to everybody, including me haha) of their prayers and their decision to follow Jesus. Our life choices today affect our children and the generations after them. We continue the LEGACY of loving and serving the Lord, and we leave the same legacy to our children, who will do the same with theirs, and so on.

Having a husband pushes me to grow. It teaches me to serve, to love, to be humble, to be patient, to be gentle, to pursue peace, to be generous. Marriage is the means. CHRIST IS THE GOAL.

Care to communicate. If you CARE, you will make the effort to COMMUNICATE. If you don’t communicate, you will seem like you don’t care.

Purity and holiness is not only applicable to singles. Married couples all the more need to stay strong in their conviction to remain PURE AND HOLY. Guard the heart, the eyes, the ears, the tongue, the mind, the body. We are not immune to temptations, and there is more at stake if we fall.

To VOLUNTEER, to SERVE is always worthwhile and fulfilling. When I was single, I thought I would be married to someone rich who would allow me to not work and let me volunteer in church full time. Haha. God did give me a King to marry, I’m a stay-at-home mom, and I volunteer as much as I can!

Women are wonderful beings. I used to be more comfortable making guy friends because I thought girls were just too complicated, or that I was just different from most of them. But I found treasure in talking to and learning from them. God gave me an opportunity to build new, true FRIENDSHIPS WITH WOMEN in church.

Children are BLESSINGS from the Lord! They have a way of warming a person’s heart, adding joy to a home, making adults child-like again. I praise God I have my own and am surrounded by many others.

Seek WISDOM, listen and heed wise counsel. Learn from those who have gone ahead of us.

It’s easier to make decisions when you know your PRIORITIES. Sometimes it’s sad to miss out on some things, but it’s almost always worth it.

Give HONOR to whom honor is due. Do not withhold words of encouragement and praise.

It is possible to agree to disagree, and maintain MUTUAL RESPECT towards one another.

PICK YOUR BATTLES. Not everything needs to be dealt with a long, serious discussion. Not everything has to be a big deal. There are things we fight for, some things we can drop. There are things we cannot compromise, but some things we can give an easy yes to. Lighten up. Let go of the little things.

I appreciate HONESTY WITH LOVE. I don’t like general statements that are meant for me to “get.” If there is an issue that needs to be addressed with me, I prefer that it be said to me directly. One, because I am not a Jedi and I actually may not “get” it. Two, because I think it’s cruel to leave a person guessing, wondering, assuming, and never being certain of what the message is.

Instead of assuming and therefore incorrectly reacting, communicate. LISTEN first. Ask. Clarify. Then work out the proper response.

ACKNOWLEDGE. When someone is speaking to you. When someone says hello. When someone asks you a question. When someone messages you. When someone invites you. Don’t leave them hanging. Give them due respect by acknowledging and responding.

I can deliberately CHANGE THE ATMOSPHERE in my home. A little encouragement, a few laughs, some hugs and kisses go a long way, especially for my kids.

My children are my MIRRORS. More is caught than taught. *cringe

It’s easier to teach than to set the right example. But teaching my kids pushes me to be a good example. It shouldn’t just be practice what we preach, but PREACH what we PRACTICE.

Parenting is not easy. Husband and wife having the same values and goals, and being on the SAME PAGE, is key.

My ability as a parent will always fall short, therefore I must not rely on it. Only God can transform my children’s hearts. Sometimes less talk and MORE PRAYER is what is needed. Get out of the way. We need to let the Lord speak to our kids.

Parenting is easier when you are in a COMMUNITY that cares about your children. Friends who love, not judge. Friends who are watchmen and prayer warriors, not gossips. Thankful for dear friends and my spiritual family.

Forgiveness is FREEDOM! To forgive and be forgiven.

I can only HELP those who want to be helped.

Sometimes it’s not a question of ability or availability, but of WILLINGNESS. You can’t force somebody to do what they don’t want to do.

The lie of the enemy holds no power when we do not believe it. Cling to the TRUTH. Cling to God’s word.

Not everybody (not even in church) will want to be our friend, and that’s okay. We can’t please everybody. We don’t need to be friends with everybody. But BE KIND anyway.

IT’S OKAY not to be invited. It might sting at times, but I’ve learned that it does not always mean rejection. It does not always mean we are not valued or loved. But even if it does, it’s still okay. We get love, our value, our validation from God, not from people.

Those you care about don’t always care as much about you. Those you have invested time, energy and love in, don’t always appreciate you. It’s a SAD REALITY, but God sees our heart. Again, we get our security and validation from Him.

There are FRIENDS who stick closer than a brother. Those that remember my birthday without facebook, hahaha (though I must admit, I need facebook to remind me also). Those that are there for me, will be there for me without hesitation when I need them, even though we don’t see each other often. Those that love and accept me despite my flaws. Those who hope for the best for me and believe in me. Those that will cry and care about what happens to my family when I die. Thank you, friends. You know who you are.

First impressions should not last. Give people a CHANCE. I did, and I found sisters in a few who were then “unlovable” in my judgmental eyes.

GOD’S GRACE is sufficient and it is evident — in the day to day, in the milestones, in loss, in gain, in life, in death, in the highs and in the lows. We just need to see with eyes of faith and gratitude.

GOD’S WORD is living and active. It will not return to Him empty, but will accomplish what He has set for it to accomplish.

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About Phoebe Torres-Lucero

I am Phoebe Torres-Lucero, wife of a loving husband & dedicated pastor, King, and mother to three wonderful, smart, active little girls, Danae, Noelle and Gianna.
Phoebe means bright and radiant. Torres means towers. Lucero means light. Put together, my name speaks of a tower of bright, radiant light. And that is what I hope to be as I write and share with you some of my experiences, especially on being a mom.

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I am Phoebe Torres-Lucero, wife of a loving husband & dedicated pastor, King, and mother to three wonderful, smart, active little girls, Danae, Noelle and Gianna. Phoebe means bright and radiant. Torres means towers. Lucero means light. Put together, my name speaks of a tower of bright, radiant light. And that is what I hope to be as I write and share with you some of my experiences, especially on being a mom.