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My Struggle with Sorry

I struggle with sorry.I used to blame it on the fact that I work in customer service and spend so much time apologizing to customers that the phrase has no meaning to me anymore, but truthfully I have always struggled with sorry.

I’m not sure why but it is hard for me to say it sometimes, especially because I am very careful about the things I say and do. Consequently, if I said it, then I meant it so there’s no need to apologize. I could take the easy way out and say that I am sorry if I hurt you, but that seems a little emotionally dishonest to me.

It’s equally hard for me to ask for an apology or specifically, it’s hard for me to tell someone that my feelings are hurt or that my heart is broken or that I am disappointed. Partly because I don’t want to hear any excuses, but mostly because I don’t want to risk losing the relationship. Mind you, I am not talking about associates, acquaintances or some other superficial connection. I’m talking about those people whom I love deeply. I don’t want to lose the connection so I swallow the pain and the disappointment. I struggle with sorry.

I don’t have a resolution to my struggle at this point, although it is cathartic to articulate it and release it to the universe.