What dreams are not made of

“The mother of a flying demon must be a witch,” said the worst Lex Luthor ever.

I have nothing at all against Jesse Eisenberg, I actually like him, but he struggled to get his foot in this superhero door. He had the most amazing lines in this flick though, and I appreciated that – like when Lois Lane calls him psychotic, he responds with: “That is a three-syllable word for any thought too big for little minds.”

The flick I am referring to is Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice – which could easily have been what dreams are made of. For me, it promised to be the ultimate action film that would have topped the epic battles between Vampires and Werewolves. I was expecting the 300 Spartans to step aside and Neo and Morpheus to take a seat.

But what I got was a mysterious masked and caped superhero bordering on villain, who is angry with the world and often irrational; very plainly coming up against or beside the very idea of America’s darling and no-longer-mysterious fighter – Superman.

Sidebar; what would Superman do if he were Kenyan? Would he write at the Daily Nation and then change into his cape behind Tribeca? Would he save hawkers from the City Council askaris who chase them off the streets or save elephants from poachers? I don’t see how he would work to prevent the theft of NYS funds, or stop election violence – the things we really need a superhero for here.

We have to rethink the baddies, because there’s no time to be a Hollywood villain in Kenya. The way these peeps in movies go to a lab to zap themselves so they can develop more power than all the super powers in the universe; and all this after 3-10 years of working behind the scenes? Who has time to do that?

The villain would have to fight Superman in town, Upper Hill or Westlands so they can be seen flying in between tall buildings because South B just wouldn’t hack it. The tall flats in Kileleshwa could work though, but only on the weekend so that there is an audience for the heroics.

Anyway, let me stop entertaining myself. It has taken me some time to register my disappointment over Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice without sounding too mean. It was just a bad movie. I feel that the director sacrificed the integrity of the film to prepare a base for the upcoming Justice League series. Ok, my sources told me that.

Several scenes were dark and unclear, the beef between the characters seemed childish, Superman aka Clark Kent got into the bathtub with his boots on and became completely unlikable after that. Lex Luthor was completely miscast and such his character was bore the brunt of any dislike in the film. Did you see the play toy villain he created? Hell Boy on fire…

Any way, the least director Zack Snyder could have done was just give us some good action sequences. I’m sure someone somewhere has an explanation for this – for what went wrong.

What went RIGHT though, was Wonder Woman. Despite the fact that Gal Gadot fought clean (non-scratch thighs) she made it pleasant and you just wanted to cheer her on as she took on the big Hell Boy. She’s a natural; her stint in the Israeli Army must have helped with that. Looking forward to seeing her and a lot more when the Justice League series comes up.