Joshua 5:12: The manna ceased on the day after they had eaten some of the produce of the land, so that the sons of Israel no longer had manna, but they ate some of the yield of the land of Canaan during that year.

The point of this verse is that God provided food each and every day, even AND MOST ESPECIALLY during the transition from a wandering tribe to a settling-down people.

If God so sustained the complaining, idolatrous, disbelieving Hebrews, will He not all the more provide for me, for whom He has already died?

You would think that I would understand the logic of this example. I do, but I still don’t trust God. Not really.

I’m a FIVE on the Enneagram. I’ve written before how helpful I find this way of understanding oneself. As a FIVE, I see life and live from out of the lens of scarcity; I hoard time above all. I also hold tight to money.

God has recently convicted me of what this hoarding represents – the sin of UNBELIEF! Operating out of insufficient resources is my day-to-day norm. Whether at school (I don’t think I have enough time to get all this planning done) or in the evenings with the dinner prep (preparing whole foods takes time, and YES, I realize it’s a choice I make) or even on Sunday afternoons, the time I catch up with church committee work and a phone call to a friend or family member. Bottom line, I never feel/believe/trust God that He will provide enough time to get done all that I think is necessary.

Before you think I might simply need some lessons in time management, I want you to know that I have LEARNED to be content with the tasks that don’t get completed. I somehow am able to trust God’s plan for my day regarding what gets done. The problem is this: I can’t cast off that feeling of pressure. I catch myself rushing, attempting to speed up my pace in order to shorten the overall time it takes for each task. And I don’t LIKE that.

I know rushing is wrong. I can FEEL it. I hate it. Yet, like Paul, I do the things I don’t want to do. Even though I know the truth. And just why can’t I LIVE what I believe? Why do I find it so hard to trust Jesus’ assurance that ‘If oneknows the truth, it will set one free’? (John 8:32)

This unbelief spreads tangled roots that smooth the path for deceitful lying. Saturday, I found myself in dialogue with God, planning and carrying out something that would require deception on my part. I returned a product to a grocery store that I had not purchased there, but one they carried. To make it even more shameful, it was a product I had ordered from Amazon. They had shipped the wrong product and refunded me the $5.76 and said I didn’t need to return the incorrect items. Somehow I believed that gaining an EXTRA $5.76 would make a difference in my life. I knew it was wrong. And I did it anyway. The self-justifying litany continued OUT of the store, money in hand, all the way to the car. But then came the Lord’s Supper, yesterday, in church. As I was contemplating Jesus dying for my sins, He kindly shone the spotlight on yesterday’s ‘LITTLE’ episode so I could confess it and come clean.

Not to drop the matter before He was sure I had internalized the lesson, this morning, Jesus returned to the subject by whispering in my mind’s ear: “You could have donated those two bags of dried black-eyed peas that you didn’t want.” One of my ‘justifying’ excuses for my deceit had been, “What am I going to do with these legumes I don’t like and that I didn’t order?”

Mike left me an encouraging word this morning on our frig whiteboard. He had remembered my discouragement last night about my lingering scarcity mindset. He reminded me to pick a promise from God and then count on Him to fulfill it.

What comfort! What power! The truth is this; I’m sure you can follow the logic:

If God created all time and matter

and If He has adopted me into His forever family

Then, He will provide for me

He will provide THE precise quantity of time and money that HE knows is best, not what I think.

I’ll let Ken Boa have the last word. I read in his latest Reflections something that is apparent but which I had never considered. Quoting 1 Cor 6:19b-20a You were bought with a price; you are not your own, Boa wrote, “God has invested a lot in you already!”

What a reassuring fact! It follows from God’s investment of Jesus, the most valuable person in Eternity, that He is going to take GOOD care of me.

God help me to relax and just be a little lamb moving about and lying down at your direction.