Having just finished my third wedding season of coordinating laidback & meaningful DIY weddings, it's really become obvious to me which details matter - and those that don't.

When I was planning my own DIY wedding (which was the very first wedding I planned before starting DIY Wedding Mentor), I had hunches about the details that mattered, but - maybe like you - I heard so much conflicting information I wasn't totally sure what was true and what wasn't.

Like they say, there is no teacher like experience. Some of my hunches about details proved right. And some... well... they proved wrong.

Over time - and many weddings later - I've learned the details that really do matter for weddings, and what details are just hyped up.

Particularly if you are having a relaxed and meaningful wedidng, here are a few of my favorites to focus on and a few you can nix.

One of the easiest ways to keep a wedding relaxed is to make sure that guests know where to go -- where to park, where to go for the ceremony, where to go for cocktail hour, where to go for the reception, what there is to eat, what there is to drink, and where to go to the bathroom (yep, that's an important one!).

There are so many options with getting guests this information that don't involve fancy, expensive, custom print outs. Wedding websites are a great place for getting guests the basic details to get to themselves to the wedding. And one menu sign can easily replace 150 individual menu print outs, while one bathroom sign can easily avoid people wondering around frantically after they've had one too many craft beers.

Instead of worry about all the different options for wedding stationary and custom wedding suites, focus on what questions guests are going to have about your wedding, and how to best get them the answers.

The detail that matters: keeping people's belly's full
The detial that doesn't matter: what you keep their belly's full with

Having seen hangry wedding guests, I know they are a group you don't want to mess with. All of a sudden, sweet old Aunt Sally becomes cranky old Aunt Sally. She goes back to being sweet old Sally once she's eaten, but it's a situation that's definitley best avoided for all involved.

So instead of focusing on what people are going to eat (truly, at laidback weddings, guests don't care if it's pizza and beer or a 5-course meal from a Michelin chef), focus on how much food to serve, when to serve it, and how to serve it quickly.

The detail that matters: making guests feel welcome
The detail that doesn't matter: hotel bags

One thing that was a total waste of time for our wedding was our hotel bags. I remember thinking in a zombie-like state, "We must have camp-themed hotel bags to go with our camp wedding." I was frantically trying to buy items for them, make the bags, and then get them dropped off at the hotel in time for guests arriving. Yep, total waste of time.

If I were to do it all over again, this is what I'd do - I'd write a short, nice letter welcoming guests to our wedding, and telling them how happy we are that they came to the wedding. Instead of a bag, I'd ask the front desk give a copy of the letter to guests as they check in. If I was feeling really ambitious, I might leave one basket of cookies for everyone to grab a cookie from, too.

There are a bizillion easier ways to do welcome guests to your wedding than hotel bags. The easiests ways - welcome them at the rehearsal dinner, have your officiant welcome them at the ceremony, and/or welcome them with a little speech from you and your partner during the reception.

Nothing says "Welcome" like heartfelt words from you, and there's no way a bag with 2 waterbottles and Fritos can compete with that.

The detail that matters: figuring out rides
The detail that doesn't matter: paying for transportation

Getting you, your partner, and wedding party to the wedding on time is really important. But pulling up in a fancy car really isn't.

Unless you specifically want guests to see what car you pull up to the ceremony in, they typically don't see the car you arrive in. Guests are waiting for the ceremony start, chatting, and catching up with one another. By the time the ceremony music starts and take their seats, you are out of the car and lined up for the processional. Or you might even have arrived at the venue a couple hours ago for pictures well before any guests were there.

So instead of booking a fancy car or limo, make sure you know who is driving and what car they are driving in. This way there is no last-minute scramble to find a ride for everyone. Uber, your bridesmaids' or groomsmens' car, your parents' car - these are all perfectly acceptable wedding day transportation options.

The detail that matters: saying thank you
The detail that doesn't matter: favors

Much like being welcomed, it's important to thank guests for traveling to and attending your wedding. You can absolutely choose to say that with an individual favor for everyone OR you could absolutely find another way to thank them..

A few options: add a "thank you" into your speech with your partner during the reception, go around to each table during the reception to thank guests for coming, have a single thank you sign that everyone will see, hand out desserts to your guests personally and thank them while doing it, and/or write a very heartfelt thank you card when all is said and done.

One couple I worked with this summer wrote a heartfelt note to each family, couple or guest that attended their wedding, put them in envelopes, and used those for favors. They wrote people's names on the envelope along with their table numbers, and the notes then also doubled as escort cards. It was the only wedding I have ever seen where there literally was not one single "favor" left behind.

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​When it gets closer to the wedding, the inevitable question comes up of "How do we walk down the aisle?" It's one of those things that's easy to overlook because the answer seems so obvious - just put one foot in front of the other and go, right?!

But the more couples start thinking about it, the more obvious it becomes that there are a few things to consider. So I'm going to walk you through some general questions that can help you figure out the best processional order for your wedding.

Keep in mind that there are TONS of variations for processional orders (including not walking down the aisle at all), so feel free to tweak and change things so that it feels right for your and your partner.

QUESTION 1: How would you like to start the ceremony?

Have attendants enter (a.k.a. the groomsmen or half the wedding party in a same sex wedding)

Have the wedding officiant enter

Either of these options work just fine. If the officiant starts the processional, the attendants can follow or wait until later so all the wedding attendants enter together (more on this later).

Then choose how they will enter - by walking down the aisle or entering from the side of the alter (generally, from the right if you're facing the alter).

QUESTION 2: When would the first partner like to enter?

Typically the groom follows the groomsmen after they enter.

Or you may decide to wait and have both partners enter at the end of the processional (more on this in Question 6)

If the wedding officiant wasn't the first person to enter, then he or she can follow the groom.

QUESTION 3: What family members will walk down the aisle?

Grandparents of the groom typically go first, followed by grandparents of the bride (or whatever order suits you)

Then parents follow in the same order

These people can either walk together (for instance, grandma and grandpa together) or can be escorted by siblings, cousins, or other important people.

If a parent is going to be escorting you down the aisle (traditionally, the father of the bride), then he or she hangs back until the end of the processional while someone else escorts the other parent.

When being seated, escorts can either sit with the people they escort down the aisle, have their own reserved seat a few rows back, or if they are are also an attendant, they can join the attendants after finishing their escort duties.

As a side note, I've also seen grandmothers be the "flower girls" and walk down and toss flower petals right before the bride. It was pure amazingness (yep, that's the picture above!).

QUESTION 4: Next up, remaining wedding party attendants

Now is the time to have your remaining attendants make their way to the alter.

Most often, they walk individually down the aisle

If no attendants are at the alter yet, you can pair them up to get everyone down more quickly (for instance, pair up the bridesmaids and groomsmen so two walk down together at a time)

Typically, the maid of honor is the last to to go (and if she's paired with the best man, they go last together)

Once the first person (or pair) reaches the alter, that person generally stand the farthest away from the center of the alter, and then the remaining attendants fill in the space.

I've seen this flipped though, where the maid of honor and best man go first, and stand toward the center of the alter. Then everyone else follows and stands behind them once they reach the alter. ​QUESTION 5: Are there kiddos to get down the aisle?

If so, get those kiddos down the aisle and show off all their cuteness!

You can send the ring bearer first and then the flower girl, or they can go together

If the kids are young and you are not sure if they will walk down the aisle on their own, they can be pulled in a wagon or carried by a parent.

Generally, when kids get to the end of the aisle, they take a seat with the guests or are handed off to a parent who is seated with guests.

QUESTION 6: Are you ready!?!

Last up is the bride - or bride and groom together, brides, or grooms.

You can either be escorted one at a time by a parent (or someone else important to you), walk down together, or walk down individually without an escort

And voila - those are the big questions to consider for your wedding processional. The processional order can go right into your wedding day timeline so it stays with all the most important information about your wedding day.

Here's a Basic Sample Processional Order

Groomsmen (enter from right)

Groom (enters from right)

Wedding officiant (enters from right)

Grandparents of groom

Grandparents of bride

Parents of groom

Mother of bride escorted by her son, who is not in the wedding party

Bridesmaids

Maid of honor

Ring bearer and flower girl

Father of the bride and bride

Lastly, here are a few processional tips to put the finishing touches on your processional:

When people are walking down the aisle, have them wait until the person in front of them gets about half way or two-thirds down the aisle before walking. This way guests can easily see each member of the wedding party as they enter.

Brides and grooms can wait until the person in front gets to the end of the aisle before walking to make sure everyone sees them walk to the alter.

Once groomsmen are on the alter, have them all do the same thing with their hands (hold hands behind their backs, keep them clasped in front, or - most informally - place them in their pockets).

Have the bridesmaids hold their bouquets at their waist so as not to cover up their dress.

If you have an odd number of attendants, do not worry about people being paired up in two's. People can walk down the aisle in three's or individually - it's no biggie!

When you walk down the aisle go slow and soak up all the love of your family, friends, and life partner. It's going to be amazing, so make sure to take it all in!

And there wouldn't be a processional without a recessional, so here's a tip about that, too. People who are on the alter pair up and walk out together in the opposite order they came in (no need to wait until the people in front get to a certain point to head down the aisle). Then, they are followed by the rest of the party in the front rows, and next the guests.

The last and most important tip is this: it's good to know about the options and details for your wedding procession, but definitely don't obsess. Once the ceremony is over, get ready to get your part-ay on celebrating the BEST. DAY. EVER.

So you've decided you're ready to commit, but the thought of walking down the aisle makes you nervous? Not to worry — you're definitely not alone. When it comes to walking down the aisle, there is definitely a large group of people who don't get excited by the idea of it. For some people, it's because they don't want all the attention, and for others it's because the traditional father-bride walk down the aisle just doesn't fit their circumstances. Whatever the reason, if walking down the aisle doesn't feel right to you, there are alternatives to walking down the aisle to get yourself through the start of the ceremony in a cool, calm, and collected fashion.

The most common thing I see is having someone else besides your father escort you. Moms, grandparents, siblings, good friends, and even your best friend Fido all make for excellent escorts. Instead of having the traditional perspective that the person walking down the aisle is "giving you away," you may want to think of it more as the person who is walking you down the aisle is supporting you through this life transition. This simple shift in perspective opens up the possibilities of who can escort you down the aisle to anyone who has been a support in your life.

The second most common thing I see is the the couple walking down the aisle together. It's really beautiful to watch the couple enter into the ceremony arm and arm, and it definitely removes some of the gender role traditions from the ceremony. This approach can be liberating for couples who find the traditional gender roles limiting, or not befitting of their relationship.

1. Make a bouquet during your walk down the aisleOne way to get down the aisle is to have guests hold flowers at their seats, and give them to you to collect as you walk down the aisle. This allows you to stop and greet the most important people in your life as you make your way to the front. The ability to talk to people as you go mixed with taking your time getting to the ceremony space definitely creates a more relaxed atmosphere, and you end up with a bouquet that your guests have contributed to that symbolizes their love and support for you. My eyes are watering just thinking about it.

2. Have a ceremony circleCircle ceremonies are becoming more and more popular as couples try out new creative ceremony seating ideas. One wedding venue I partner with, theIntervale Center in Burlington, Vermont, has a ceremony area that's called the "The Garden Circle," and there are circle ceremony ideas all over Pinterest. There are a couple different options when it comes to circle ceremonies: you can arrange guests in a spiral and walk through the spiral to get to the center, or you can have guests gather in a circle and leave two spots open for you and your partner, which you fill when the ceremony starts.

3. Mingle in the crowd, and make your way to the frontThis idea comes from the blog 2000 Dollar Wedding, which is a personal favorite of mine. Sara Cotner, the bride and blogger, explains it best:​"So, we did the only thing that made sense for us as couple: We pulled up to the ceremony site in my Toyota Scion xA (I was driving) and got out. We walked toward the crowd that had started to gather and simply started talking to people. Easy peasy...When it was time to start, we pressed play on our iPod, and everyone in the wedding party made their way to the front. When we were there, someone stopped the music and the ceremony started.It's as simple as that."

4. Have your guests enter your ceremony space after youAnother way to start your ceremony is by keeping the ceremony space closed off and out of view of guests. Before the ceremony starts, you, your partner, and wedding party can be at the front of the ceremony space, and then guests enter afterward. I haven't seen this one done yet, but it could certainly be as formal or relaxed as you like. You could simply direct guests to find their seats when they enter, or they could come up and say "hello" before taking their seats, which would create a more social atmosphere.

5. Lead all the guests in a processional to the ceremony spaceAt one ceremony we coordinated this summer, guests lined up a couple hundred feet or so from the ceremony space, and then walked to the ceremony space with the wedding party in front. A fiddler accompanied them as they walked to the ceremony space, and it was truly a beautiful, community-focused way to start the ceremony. There were no seats (the group of guests gathered around the couple at the ceremony space), and the fiddler played at the outskirts of the group. It was festive, fun, and ameaningful way to personalize a wedding ceremony.

What's great about weddings today is that there are no hard and fast rules, so feel free to use one of these alternatives to walking down the aisle, or come up with your own. If at the end of the day you're married to the one you love, it won't matter just how you got there.

Often the hardest part of writing a maid of honor speech for a wedding is figuring out just how to start your speech. You know what not to say in a wedding toast (like mentioning exes, embarrassing stories, or drunken debacles), but knowing what to say about a great friend and her new spouse can leave even the best of public speakers a bit overwhelmed. There is so much to say in just two to three minutes! Thankfully, there are a few tried and true ways to start a speech that will help get your creative juices flowing in no time.

The list below lays out eight intro ideas for your maid of honor speech, but you can also use them to write your whole entire speech. Simply pick one idea to start your speech, or follow numbers one to eight to write your entire speech. Either way, once you start brainstorming a few different intros, you're likely to stumble on a gem of an idea and find your maid-of-honor-speech-writing stride before you know it. So take a deep breath, grab a glass of wine (preferably poured into one of those big goblet glasses), and let your maid of honor awesomeness flow!

1. Tell who you areIt's always a good idea to start your speech by letting the crowd know who you are, and how you know the bride. Otherwise, they may be asking the people around them, "Who is she?" right as you're getting to the best part of your speech.

2. Give thanksSince everyone knows weddings are expensive and require a lot of time and energy to plan, it's a good idea to recognize the parents who helped contribute to make the celebration possible. Particularly if the parents are hosting the wedding reception, or have hosted any of the wedding festivities, now is an appropriate time to thank them, and it gives everyone else the opportunity to clap and show their appreciation as well.

3. Tell a story about the brideYou can start off by telling a story about the bride, or by telling the story of how you and the bride first met. Just remember to leave exes, drunken shenanigans, and unflattering stories of the bride out. This is definitely a situation where the "whole truth and nothing but the truth" is not applicable.

4. Tell a story about the first time you met the groomBeginning your speech with a funny story about how you met the groom for the first time can be a good way to get people laughing. Were you at a concert with your friend when this random guy (a.k.a. the groom) tripped and spilled a drink on her? Did she try on 15 different outfits before he came to your shared post-college apartment to pick her up for their first date? Any fun stories about your first impressions can make for a good laugh, and provide a window into the couple's first days together for the rest of the guests.

5. Tell a story about the coupleTelling a story about the couple is always a great segue into saying "That was the time I knew it was true love..." You can start by saying you remember that time they went to a baseball game together, or camping for the weekend, or out to lunch at that corner cafe, and that's when you saw a change in your friend. Something was different after that one time, and it would never be the same again (in a really good way).

6. Use a propUsing a prop for a wedding speech is something that can go fantastically well if it ties into the main idea of the speech. Some good props can be old photos, slideshows, or an unexpected item like a childhood toy. This is not something that you want to force into your speech by any means, but if you happen to think of a prop that would work well, it can make a good wedding speech all that more amazing and memorable.

7. Share a love quoteA good way to start (or end) a speech is with a powerful quote about love that will resonate with the couple and the guests. Something meaningful that gives guests something to think about is always a safe bet.

8. Ask the audience a questionA good way to pick up everyone's energy is to bring an interactive component to your speech, like asking the audience a question. If done at the start of your speech, you may use a question like "Raise your hand if..." and "How many people here..." and then insert something funny about the couple. If you're going this route, it's a good idea to have a few shills in the audience who can get the audience going and encourage others to respond to the question. A question at the end of the speech can be something simple that will leave guests cheering like "Who is ready to celebrate this couple with an awesome party?" (and who doesn't like a good cheer after a speech!?).

Just remember to keep it short, keep it sweet, and keep it about the couple. As long as you speak from your heart, the couple will love it no matter what — and that's all that really counts.

When you’re planning a wedding, figuring out how much to tip wedding vendors is one of those details that’s often left to the very end of the planning process and creeps up on couples when they are juggling dozens of other last-minute details. Many people forget about tipping wedding vendors until the final days and, well, even hours before the wedding. How do I know this? To be totally honest, that’s just what happened to me when I was my planning my wedding, and I now see it all the time with our DIY Wedding Mentor clients (clearly there’s no judgement coming from me!). So in order to avoid the last-minute stressor of figuring out who to tip and how much, you want to start thinking about tipping vendors now before you have too much going on and are too frazzled to straighten it all out. One of the things that makes tipping super confusing when it comes to working with wedding vendors is that much of the advice from most wedding sites say things like “tip your coat room attendant a dollar per coat,” or “tip your wedding planner up to $500.” I’m not sure what type of wedding these sites are assuming are the average for most couples, but I’ll tell you that at least for my clients, these are not the types of budgets they are working with. Wondering what to tip for your perfectly, wonderful average wedding? Here are some basic guidelines that will make tipping a breeze. Business owners: No tip necessary unless for exceptional work

If you hire someone for your wedding who owns their business, you do not need to tip them on the day of the wedding. For instance, if Bob from Bob’s BBQ comes to work at your wedding, he does not expect to be tipped. However, if Bob goes above and beyond what you would typically expect from a caterer and has multiple meetings with you (when only one is in your contract), has spent hours answering emails from you, and always responded super promptly and thoroughly, it would definitely be nice to give him a tip for his above-and-beyond service — but only choose an amount you’re comfortable with.Support staff and employees: Tip based on the hours and cost of service

Who these people are: assistants, event set up and clean up staff, second shooters, etc.If Bob brings three people to help him serve your BBQ buffet, it’s a good idea to tip his support staff. Choose an amount based on what seems reasonable given what you’re paying for catering and how long his staff will be on site. Maybe it’s $15 or $25 a person, or the equivalent of one hour of their pay. Bar-backs, event set up and clean up staff, second shooters, and other event support staff all fall into this category. If your DJ, wedding coordinator, band, or photographer is an employee of the company you’ve hired, it’s a good idea to give them a tip as well. Again, think about how much you’re paying for the service, how many hours the person will be on site, and then go from there. If the person is playing a pretty important role in your wedding and putting in a lot of hours, then you might want to think about tipping $50 or a bit more. Service employees: Tip what you normally would

Who these people are: salon employees, transportation drivers, waitstaff, etc.
People providing services are normally tipped in your day-to-day life, and so they should also be tipped on your wedding day. Salon employees should be tipped (such as hairstylists and make-up artists), as should transportation drivers and waitstaff. And how much do you tip? Just what you normally would. In most cases, this is somewhere between 15 percent and 20 percent of the bill.

Two exceptions to the 15 to 20 percent service tip rule are delivery people and bartenders. You don’t need to tip a delivery person 20 percent of the bill, just like you wouldn’t in your normal day-to-day life. Take a look at the work involved in the delivery, and then make a judgement call from there, but in most cases up to $10 per person should be adequate. If you’re paying bartenders a high hourly rate (above what they would make at a bar), and/or your guests are allowed to tip when getting a drink, then you can go a little lighter than 15 to 20 percent of the drink bill when you grease their palm. If you’re paying the bartenders a low hourly rate and/or your guests are not allowed to tip, then 15 to 20 percent of the drink bill is the appropriate tip. Or, if you’re at a venue where you’re supplying the booze and there isn’t a drink bill at the end of the night, then an alternative way to think of the bar tip is around $1 per drink served. What to do if all else fails:If the whole tipping thing does sneak up on you, just do your best to treat people fairly. Worst case scenario, you may tip too much, and in that case, just consider yourself spreading the love! The other worst case scenario is you miss someone. If you’re like me and your wedding has passed and you did overlook tipping a couple people at your wedding, it’s OK to put the guilt aside. I didn’t learn until I became a wedding coordinator what the appropriate tipping amounts were, and it took me a couple years to get over the fact that my husband and I missed giving out a few envelopes with cash at the end of the night. I now know working at a wedding and being compensated is like working most other service jobs — people always love getting a tip, but everyone knows it’s never a guarantee.

And if all else fails, just remember the one and only golden rule to treat others like you would want to be treated if you were in their shoes. (And that's just a good rule to go by even beyond this fun, crazy thing called wedding planning!)

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