Return to Innocence – Abandoning Guilt and Self-Doubt

I first learned to forgive myself for having unknowingly used others, the past, the world and God to attack myself. I felt so great about having forgiven everyone including my past. And then I found the ego had hidden a rather sinister plan from me. As I applied Quantum Forgiveness and withdrew my external projections of guilt, it systematically turned them within.

Many years ago, before I was ready to practice and accept the immense healing of forgiveness, it seemed I was relatively peaceful while I could offload most of my unconscious guilt onto others, my past and the world. I guess you could say that I was comfortably asleep, unconsciously ignorant. I was strangely content in my imagined victimhood; it was familiar and this seemed to give me comfort.

In this respect ignorance is bliss however there was a high cost to pay for maintaining this state of ignorance. I felt pursued by a never-ending sense of threat, one which was fed by a bottomless pit of anxiety, insecurity and inadequacy. And the ensuing effect propelled me to chase endless distractions and over-achievements all to numb the pain of my aching sense of incompletion.

The agony of carrying all these judgments finally tipped the scales for me. It became unbearable. This is when I began the life-changing practice of living Quantum Forgiveness nearly 26 years ago. But once I was comfortable in having withdrawn (forgiven) the majority of my guilty projections from others, the past and the world…a very strange thing began to occur. I seemed to become more critical of myself. Oops! And then I did what many unknowingly do; with the increasing barrage of self-condemnation, I began to take “false-responsibility” for all the ravages of the ego. This was a trap. I tried to atone for my errors but in many cases, it was the ego doing the atoning!

Now I realize that if a personal sense of responsibility still remains after I have forgiven, then I haven’t ACCEPTED the divine Remedy, the Atonement. After all, this is the immediate and miraculous undoing of my erroneous perception. And the purpose of the Atonement is to free me from feeling responsible. Only the ego feels responsible because it’s addicted to guilt. It depends on guilt to deny God; to resist Innocence. And that is why it doesn’t care where it places the guilt (others, you or the body) just as long as it continues to project guilt. Otherwise no guilt means no more ego.

Jesus mentioned this phase of withdrawing our external projections only to have them turned within:

“The beginning phases of this reversal are often quite painful, for as blame is withdrawn from without, there is a strong tendency to harbor it within. It is difficult at first to realize that this is exactly the same thing, for there is no distinction between within and without.” T-11.IV.4:5-6

“Self-blame is therefore ego identification, and as much an ego defense as blaming others. You cannot enter God’s Presence if you attack His Son.“ T-11.VI.5:5-6

I also couldn’t deny that the body had now become the central focus of my projections of guilt. But guilt is guilt no matter what disguise it employs. If I feel guilty then I will deny God’s Love; I will reject the Love and healing He desires for me to know and have. Keeping guilt is the most savage self-attack. It’s an insidious defense to protect our self from healing, joy and Love.

Giving Yourself Permission – Saying you’re Sorry

The Atonement is a Holy Instant in which I recognize that my perception (of another, myself, the body, pain or illness, financial lack, etc.) is faulty. How do I know this? There is a lack of peace. Or perhaps there’s a feeling of strain, conflict, sacrifice or obligation. These are the signs showing me I perceive insanely.

In this nano-second I can choose again. Therefore, I choose to see myself as God sees me: Innocent and whole. And I do this by giving myself permission to accept God’s evaluation of who “I AM” instead of the ego’s critical self-judgment. When I’m tempted to guilt I am reminded to ask myself this question: “Has God changed His Mind about me?”

How much do I desire to be free of judgment, guilt and self-attack?

Now I need only ACCEPT Spirit’s healed perception in that instant. I can berate myself over and over again, telling myself how guilty I am; but if I don’t ACCEPT the certain Remedy (Atonement) then I cannot heal.

“The Atonement was established as the means of restoring guiltlessness to minds that have denied it, and thus denied Heaven to themselves. Atonement teaches you the true condition of the Son of God.” T-14.IV.9:2-3

The key here is “Self-acceptance” especially when we’re feeling tempted by the appearance of adversity. I am learning to accept my Self but that doesn’t mean I accept the ego’s projection such as conflict, sickness, pain, disaster, etc. The key here is that I express sincere remorse to myself for having BELIEVED the ego’s projection. For me and probably for many, the stumbling block is self-doubt. And when there is a spike of self-doubt, instead of bullying myself I’m learning to do the opposite. I apologize to myself first by saying, “I’m sorry for believing that thought or belief. Please forgive me. I Love you.”

I have found that this immediately disarms the ego’s critical judgment and opens my heart to ACCEPT and RECEIVE God’s Love in the form of correcting my perception which is the Atonement or forgiveness. It is a declaration stating that I recognize my distorted perception as the singular cause of my distress. And I am genuinely sorry to myself for the upset it caused from having believed that I could be attacked (by another, myself, pain, illness, financial lack, depression, etc).

I want another way of seeing this. Now it can be healed. I am learning to express unconditional Love to myself and this is peace because it undoes unconscious self-resentment as self-attack. No one can Love me unconditionally until I Love myself unconditionally. Until I learn to Love myself unconditionally I won’t allow myself to RECEIVE Love.

Awakening for most is a gradual process, a transfer of trust. We won’t trust, know, and embody the Holy Self UNTIL we begin extending unconditional acceptance as Love to our Self and others. As we extend what we mistakenly believe we lack…we come to the EXPERIENCE of the “I AM”, where the mistaken self simply disappears in its Light.

We Cannot Know God in Guilt and Self-Doubt

We cannot receive our True heart’s desire while we still value guilt, self-judgment and self-doubt; while we still chose to believe them. What we invest in guilt, we withdraw from God. In every moment it is a choice we make. Remember we manifest exactly that which we value and if we choose to believe the ego’s criticism then we do value it. Guilt, self-doubt and judgment are absolutely toxic and directly caused by unconscious guilt. Judging and doubting our self or others, is destructive. When we entertain guilt and self-doubt we unknowingly invite criticism and distrust from others and the world in general.

We must commit to being vigilant against believing the ego’s vicious self-talk. And this includes all its savage projections onto the innocent body. This is crucial to opening our heart to God. Literally, we must choose between believing destructive self-talk or believing our infinite, uninterrupted Innocence. If we believe guilt, self-criticism and doubt then we must reject God’s Love and healing; we reject our Innocence.

God only knows us as guiltless, spotlessly and joyously innocent. Jesus tells us that we cannot know God unless we are guiltless. Whoa! This means we cannot know our Self …unless we accept our guiltlessness. Unless we are aware and therefore accepting of our guiltlessness, we cannot know God, our Holy Self. In guilt or self-doubt, we cannot recognize or receive our deepest desire– to know Thy Self as LOVE. From Jesus:

“Unless you are guiltless you cannot know God, Whose Will is that you know Him. Therefore, you MUST be guiltless. Yet if you do not accept the necessary conditions for knowing Him, you have denied Him and do not recognize Him, though He is all around you. He cannot be known without His Son, whose guiltlessness is the condition for knowing Him. Accepting His Son as guilty is denial of the Father so complete, that knowledge is swept away from recognition in the very mind where God Himself has placed it.” T-14.IV.7:1-5

He tells us that the necessary condition by which we recognize, experience and know God (Love) is guiltlessness. But let’s look at what this really means. To be guiltless is to know that I cannot be attacked by another, by the body, by any form of lack, or the world. And this is precisely why practicing quantum forgiveness is so imperative. If I still believe in some forms of attack then I must value some forms of un-forgiveness. And I must therefore reject my guiltlessness.

Guilt is the solitary cause of every seeming adversity we experience (conflict, anxiety, illness, loss, lack, pain, depression and death). If I knew my divine guiltlessness as Jesus did then I would not be able to experience suffering either physically or emotionally. Guiltlessness is indestructibility – literally. As we learn to ACCEPT our guiltlessness we recognize and demonstrate that we cannot BE attacked. Our healing is a living demonstration of our Innocence and that of others.

Jesus teaches that our natural state is one of uninterrupted guiltlessness regardless of all the chaos we may imagine here in the ego dream. Our divine Innocence is eternal and all-inclusive; it is irrevocable. At no point during our millions of years in the dream of time, has our divine Innocence been threatened. The part that we don’t see is this: We have chosen to block our awareness of our guiltlessness.

So just how important is it that this incorruptible, undivided state of Innocence be restored to our awareness? Without doubt, it is the single most important healing accomplishment since the beginning of time. And the reason is that without it, we will not end the separation, the dream of birth and death. It is the restoration to our awareness, of our complete guiltlessness that will literally overcome the dream of time and matter (space) by transcending them just as Jesus came to teach us 2000 years ago. The literal embodiment of our Innocence is the singular prerequisite to awaken from suffering, to awaken from the dream of death entirely and not just in it. Here is a closing message from Jesus:

“You have no conception of the limits you have placed on your perception, and no idea of all the loveliness that you could see. But this you must remember; the attraction of guilt opposes the attraction of God. His attraction for you remains unlimited, but because your power, being His, is as great as His, you can turn away from love. What you invest in guilt you withdraw from God.” T-15.IX.6:1-4

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Nouk Sanchez is a beacon of Light among the many wonderful teachers of A Course in Miracles. Her unconditional Love and depth of wisdom awaken a safe and uncompromising space for students to safely explore hidden fears and blocks to God’s Love.

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Our aim is to help people recognize and undo the one cause of all suffering: the ego (aka – fear). By providing resources, education and mentoring, our intent is to empower individuals with the means to trust in their Divine Teacher within.

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