here, take back your bullsh*t

The following is a collection of contributions from members of the Ex-Christian Science collective about leaving Christian Science.

One of my favorite moments of my Christian Science departure was packing up a shopping bag with all my Christian Science literature and leaving it on the doorstep of a Reading Room. My friend described it as ‘here, take back your bullsh*t!’

– Hilary

Every puff I take on my asthma inhaler, every antibiotic and pain medication I’ve taken, and every visit I’ve made to the doctor or hospital, has been my giant f-you to Christian Science.

– Jeremy

When I was pregnant with my first child, I had a difficult pregnancy and I was under a doctor’s care. My grandmother insisted on hiring a Christian Science practitioner for me. She lived out of state, and during a phone ‘treatment’, she told me a story of her infant dying at home and how she just left the room, completely serene and unaffected. Her child was dead that was no big deal. She just knew the truth. Lo and behold, her daughter revived and she went about her normal activities. I was completely freaked out and never looked back at Christian Science. That was 20 years ago.

16 comments

About a month ago, I gathered all of my C.S. books (including markers, chalk, concordances and hymnals), put them in a paper bag, and threw them away. It was exhilarating. Having been a church clerk for many years, I saw the enormous collection of textbooks, etc . that our branch church ended up with after members died, and I wanted to save my family from having to deal with that task, no matter if it’s tomorrow or 30 years from now.

I realized when reading this that when my oldest was born (and I hadn’t been in CS for 10 years) I still had the urge to lie to my mom about whether or not we were getting him vaccinated! I was a grown-ass woman, for heaven’s sake. Sheesh.

After reading the introduction to God’s Perfect Child, I was so angry that all I could think about was burning all of my CS books. I don’t want to donate them because I don’t want to enable anyone to read them. I’ve never burned a book in my life.

My therapist thinks this is an excellent idea and will be good closure for me, ridding my house physically of CS in addition to working to rid myself of it mentally.

I joined the mother church in 1974. Although I did not always follow eddy’s teachings, when I did, they stuck in my mind and I can not get them out. I no longer subscribe to the crap the church teaches, I have on several occasions attempted to give up my membership.
One time, a big shot at the church phoned me and made me feel guilty, so I asked him to disregard my request. I even worked at the center in Boston (once as a janitor at night, while going to school in the day) I got almost full access to many areas which others never saw. My other job there was in the publishing society building. Why in the name of God, can I not simply write a (polite) letter and this time, actually LEAVE THE INSANE ASYLUM??? I know, in c.s. b**shit, it is so called mortal mind.
It is as though someone placed a small bug in my brain. I know it is crap, but I still hear m.b.e. speaking to me.

Just typing the above has opened up a FLOODGATE of bad memories. The insincerity, the NEPOTISM, the constant feeling of being a lesser human being while at the church, especially while working there as I was not from a c.s. family. The failure of not being able to secure a better paying job at the center, and being told I should “PRAY MORE” about it, and being driven crazy while a son or a daughter of someone there, most often an employee whose parent was a practioner was hired over me(PURE NEPOTISM)
I found the phrase, “I can leave christian science, but it won’t leave me” and that soooo applies to me. ms. eddy, PLEASE GET OUT OF MY HEAD.

Thomas – it is quite cathartic to write your personal story about all the ways the “christian science belief system” has hurt you – mentally, physically, spiritually…

And we would love to have it on the blog. I hope you have written to the church and released yourself from the burden of being a member. It’s a wonderfully freeing experience – and you can start breaking the rules in “the manual of the mother ship” as soon as possible. It feels completely awesome to pull your name out of membership then start breaking the rules.

Some internet-only churches “ordain” people who fill out forms online. This sounds like a joke (and sometimes it’s supposed to be), but it’s true. As the Church Manual forbids Christian Scientists from holding the title of Reverend, I certified myself at an internet-only church and then wrote to the Mother Church. I told them I’d accepted a title of Reverend and thus made myself ineligible for membership. They dropped me from the rolls immediately, and I’ve never heard from them since.
Maybe that will help!

I’ve been where you’re at. Growing up, I had C.S. preached to me. I had no choice. Although I willingly accepted it, growing up, as I got older, I wanted to FREE myself of the mental confusion, anxiety and depression this belief system can bring about. I know all about the feelings that are projected on you about not measuring up (I had to grow up with it), and then getting the same thing from other people in the church (as well as people in a college Christian Science “Org”). I know the feelings of having gotten involved in something like Christian Science, having it in your head, and then wanting to get rid of it, but feeling like it is nearly impossible.

I’m here to tell you CAN get beyond it. Mrs. Eddy does NOT control you, and Christian Science is NOT the final word. That’s why we have groups such as this. That’s why there are such extraordinary books like “God’s Perfect Child”, which will help you do that.

It can’t all be done in a day, or a week, a month. But little by little, through effort, you do feel it leaving you. It’s happened with me. Stay with it, and don’t give up.

Thank you Chris;your comforting words, helped Me to open that “REAL” world I live in. I will not ramble on and on, but when I held a tree yesterday,and cleared my mind of the cs BullShi## Just realizing the tree WAS alive, and and knowing that I was too, as a material Man, I cried. If only this site would allow members to post others emails would surely help me a lot. Although only staring to begin my journey back to normalcy, it surely would help to at least correspond with someone who is not tangled in the lies of c.c
Thank you So much. Thomas

I do NOT wish to be a pain in the ass ,but I used, https://exchristianscience.com/index/withdrawing-mother-church-membership, Two days ago, as before I received a phone call from the BIG CHEESE (the clerk) not coming out and asking me to withdraw my application,BUT playing mind games about “mortal mind” playing games with Me!!!!!!!! They got Me again.
I am not a rude person, but I so wanted to say, “hey clerk, you have Fuc@@@ me up for so long, all I want to do is to get out, I think I will compose a snail mail and be quite blunt:No mind games, No phone calls, No guilt feelings. Is church membership that low that the clerk phones members?

I MUST post one more thing, yesterday I visited the COLUMBARIUM at mount auburn cemetery in Cambridge.
I always wondered whose ashes were located in the alcove that was covered by my Grand Fathers name. I was told there were five urns there. One being a little girl of 6 years of age who died in 1932 from NEGLECT. She was not treated for her diabetes;her mom let her die, and be cremated. I forgot about her as I never met her. Leaving the chapel, I could see the marble tomb of m.b.e. WHY was she not cremated???? The few times I asked a c.s. teacher, all I was told was b.s.I did some research on the web about her elaborate coffin, and over the top tomb,and it made me sick. A little girl denied of growing, being in love, et-cetera, makes me want to vomit now.

I DID IT…………………..Good bye to all the lies, the feeling of NOT being myself;the self that was always there, just waiting to slap me in the face, and tell me to Wake up kid 🙂 Upon putting my letter of resignation in the mail box at the post office, I kissed the envelope, and said a little prayer that went like this: KISS MY ASS m.b.e.

I had a similar experience, Thomas. I don’t remember which came first, throwing the Bible and Science and Health out in the trash can, or resigning from the branch church and Mother Church…I did both of the latter two separately. (Interesting, I’ve never thought about the timeing of all that until now). I knew I was finished with Christian Science, yet both the Bible and Science and Health were still in my place. So I went out back, and from a distance hurled both books, filled with all their plastic markers, up in the air, and disappear into the trash can. It was liberating.

Good for you Chris, and all of us who saw the light. Albeit, some quicker than others. The few gay friends I still know from my old days, working at the asylum, and believe me, there were an awful lot of gay woman and men working for their “dear leader” want nothing to do with Me now. 43 years later, they are still living the lie that I did for all those years.
As a gay man, I have a three word phrase for all of them, which I can not use here. A final toast to the old lady and the sham she ran for so long, “so long honey, it was (not) nice knowing you, I mean your work (which to come to think of it, was both the same) I think it was Mark Twain who once said that she would copyright her own name, if she could.
There is soooo much life to live, it is time to start.