A Therapy Triangle

The first session was about what I had read it would be. She was taking a history. She sat in a comfortable-looking over-stuffed-chair after motioning me onto the couch. "Since the problem is sexual, we're gonna have to talk about sex. Make sense?" she said. Some of the time she used the matching footstool as a desk for her yellow note pad. Other times she crossed her legs and used her thigh as a desk.

"How often do you masturbate?" she asked locking her eyes onto mine, daring me to lie.

"Couple of times a week," told her.

"How long do you take?" she asked.

"Just a few minutes,' I responded.

"I want you to start taking longer, a lot longer. We'll get back to that in a few minutes. Is it wrong to masturbate, morally wrong?" she continued.

"If it is I've been bad a lot of times for a long time," I told her. She smiled

"Can you differentiate between emotions such as fear and anger, pain and shame?" she asked, again locking her eyes onto mine.

"I think so," I responded. She dropped her yellow pad and pen onto the footstool, rose from the chair and sat next to me on the couch. Her thigh was touching my thigh. She bent forward slightly and my eyes automatically went to the gap at the center of her blouse. She placed her hand in my crotch and asked, "What emotions are you feeling?"

"Ahhh, oh fear maybe ... and some…some..."

"Say it," she urged.

"Shame!" I told her

"And what else?" she insisted, her hand doing spider pushups in my groin

"Anger," I responded flatly.

Anger about what?" she asked.

"That ... that you can put your hands on me and open me up like a can of sardines," I spit at her.

She withdrew her hand, swung her thigh away so there was no contact between us and said, "You're a classic sexually-repressed, seriously damaged twentieth century male." She rose and returned to her chair. With her yellow pad on her thigh and her pen poised she said, "Tell me about your relationships with women, starting with your mother." She asked many questions and filled several pages of her yellow pad with notes. When she put the pad aside I knew we were about to move on to something else.

'Since you're not in a relationship at the moment we will need to address that first," she commented. "There are a couple of ways to deal with that. One is to use a surrogate," she said handing me a double folio of color photographs of an attractive young blond woman. In one photo she was dressed in baby doll pajamas sitting on a straightback chair with one leg tucked up under her. She was smiling directly into the camera. The other photo was more of a closeup showing her in a lacy red see-through garment of some kind, black stockings covering part of her thighs and lower legs pulled close to her chest. There was a come-hither expression on her face and her right nipple was clearly visible under the red lace. "That's the woman I have used several times because she is intelligent and follows directions well. She is also genuinely interested in helping men with their impotence. If you choose to go that route she gets eighty dollars for a fifty minute session."

I blinked and nodded to Judith that I understood what she had just said. I was also aware of the thought that this was going to be more expensive than originally anticipated.

"The other way is to engage me supplementally to perform the surrogate function. There are two advantages to that. First I charge only forty dollars an hour. I am not young and beautiful as she is. I don't have to make a living doing surrogate work so I can charge less. The second advantage is that if I fill both the therapist and surrogate roles I can not only guide the process but also observe your progress first hand. Likely it will go faster because of the integrated functions," she concluded.

Judith was a striking woman in her own right. Maybe a few years older than me, maybe not. Tall and classy, streaks of silver in her radiant almost black hair, just a few pounds too many but they were well distributed on her frame, well spoken, and seemingly knowledgeable about the matter at hand. The idea of having sex with her appealed to me but I was sure that what she would have me doing wasn't even close to the vague fantasy I was having about her.

"You'll need to make a decision about that in the next couple of days and let me know," she said. I nodded. I was taking her clothes off in my imagination, exploring the curves and planes of her body. She knew it. She smiled and a little discomfort moved through her body like a single wave on a calm pond. "One more piece of business for today," she announced. "I want you to lock the door," she said motioning toward her inner office door, take off all your clothes and spend at least twenty minutes masturbating before you ejaculate. Come into a couple of tissues and bring them to me in the waiting -room," she directed. She handed me a bottle of massage oil from her desk drawer and walked out of the room closing the door behind her.

Thirty minutes later I was handing her the semen-wet tissues as she sat on the couch in the waiting room. She sniffed them and nodded her approval. Then she rose from the couch to get a psychologically equal position to me and said, "Do not masturbate or ejaculate until our next session. I want you to come in here primed and ready. Understand?' she said. I nodded.

I saw inspiration light her. She held up her index finger and smiled as she stared at the open door to her office. Her finger came down and pointed toward the door. "Come in and sit down for a minute,' she said, the smile enlarging. She sat in her chair and propped her chin up on her fist. She motioned me into the chair at the end of her desk. "I'm known for being unconventional and getting results with my unorthodox methods. I take a good deal of pride in that." She was looking straight into my eyes. I felt the excitement of her stare and waited for her to finish. "What a coincidence ... would you be willing to interact with another of my clients? There would be specific rules to follow... limitations ... and behaviors that I would direct and require of both of you," she advanced.

I was a bit bewildered by her question. She misread my hesitation and said, "Let me sweeten the deal a little. You two pay one surrogate fee to me to supervise the two of you. In exchange you both sign a release so I can author my improvisation into an article published in a professional journal." She saw that l was even more lost. "Look, I have this female client who has a particular problem that she wants to overcome. I want to match her with you. I believe that you two could aid each other in reaching your objectives," she enthused.

"Well, I suppose..." I said uncertainly.

"This would be a first. Can you agree to follow my directions explicitly," she urged.

"Yes."

"And you must agree that you will only contact her under my supervision," she implored. "Except for the first meeting," she added quickly.

"Okay

"Good. Let me see if I can get ahold of her," she said reaching for the phone. Judith Mason, Ph.D. reached a person named Kathy on the phone and explained to her just what she had gone through with me. 'Would you be willing to meet him for coffee in a public place to see if you might want to proceed with what I am proposing?' she asked Kathy. Judith sat straight up in her chair, waiting for a reply. Her body did an S wave when she heard the response. 'Good. He's right here. Let me put him on so you can arrange a meeting,' she cooed.

Kathy was a slight woman with brown wavy hair that had a hint of auburn. Her thin nose, brown eyes and long neck somehow reminded me of a doe. Her posture, her manner, her dress and her attitude all spoke 'sophisticated lady. 'She was at least twenty years younger than I was. "I want my boyfriend to be my husband," she had said. "l want to learn to give a first class blow job. I have never been able to do that because I have an aversion to having penises in my mouth and them squirting cum down my throat,' she added.

"I can't get it up and keep it up and come in the presence of a woman much less in her mouth or pussy,' I replied.

There was a long pause. Both of us had just revealed our innermost frailty to the other. 'Maybe we can help each other," she suggested, her eyes narrowed to slits. 'You'll get some blow jobs but I'm not willing to have intercourse with you,' she added.

I nodded acceptance of her terms and asked, "You wanta give it a try?"

"What the hell, all we've got to lose is our hangups," she replied. We walked out of the coffee shop together. In the parking lot she turned and asked me if I thought Judith was a good therapist. I told her I barely knew the woman but she must have inspired some trust in both of us given what we had just agreed to do for each other. "I'll let her know,' Kathy volunteered.

Kathy was in the waiting room when I arrived for my appointment. I smiled acknowledgement and she returned it. I was a week without sexual pleasure or release and wondered how long it had been for her. Of course she didn't have to be horny to do what she had agreed to do to me.

Judith opened the door to the inner office and asked me to come in. She acknowledged Kathy's presence with a glance and closed the door behind us. I sat on the couch and was surprised when she seated herself beside me. 'Stretch out and put your head in my lap," she instructed. I did as she said. She stroked my forehead several times and told me to relax. "Concentrate on your breathing," she said. "I'm going to teach you abdominal breathing. It's a great relaxation technique.' She was looking straight ahead, not down at me. "Close your eyes and relax," she said. She began to slowly stroke my forehead and I felt the weight of her other hand alight on my belly over my navel. "l want you to push my hand up with your abdominal muscles as you breath in...no, belly out as you breathe in...you're chest breathing, that's no good. Belly out as you breathe in, that's it... again ... good.' The slow soothing strokes of her fingers on my forehead felt good. The rhythm of her hand caressing my forehead was synchronized to my breathing. I lost track of time.

Her voice was calm and even. "I'm going to go out and sit with Kathy. I want you to totally disrobe and masturbate until you have a good erection. Then open the door just a crack. Kathy will have her instructions by then. It will be just the two of you in this room until one of you opens the door for me." It took awhile for me to raise a hardon. I kept getting sidetracked with the knowledge that there were two women on the other side of the door waiting for me to open it. Plus I had no idea what was coming next. When my dick was standing straight out I walked slowly to the door still stroking myself and opened it slightly. Then I moved back to the center of the room while maintaining my erection with slow strokes.

Kathy slowly closed the door behind her. There was no smile on her face when she positioned the footstool in front of me and sat on it. She had removed the jacket of the tan gabardine suit. Her black blouse was unbuttoned all the way to her waist. I could see skin from her throat to the waistband of her skirt. "I'm going to wear your cum instead of a bra for the rest of the day," she said. "What I don't smear on my breasts I will lick off my fingers," she continued. Haltingly she extended her cupped hands until they were just under the head of my swollen dick. I stroked faster and longer and growled when my dick spit my cum in the palms of her hands. When she saw that I was done she rubbed her palms together and then slid one hand inside her blouse and stroked it across one breast. Withdrawing that hand she repeated the same motion with the other hand. Then she began to lick her fingers. She reminded me of a cat cleaning its paws.

After I dressed I bid Kathy good bye. My guess was she was about to have a session with Judith since she was sitting on the footstool with her blouse still unbuttoned. I half closed the door to the inner office and waited for Judith to open the conversation. "How'd it go?" she asked.

"She got what she asked for and put it where she wanted to," I replied,

Judith nodded thoughtfully. "That's to desensitize her about contact with semen other than in her vagina," she commented. "What about you? You got off okay and you're happy about that?"

"Yeah" I responded.

"Good. I'm going to put you on an intensive schedule. Can you be here Friday at eleven?"

The first part of that Friday session was the same. She stroked my forehead and had me push her hand on my abdomen up as I breathed in. After a few minutes she told me to sit up and move to the other end of the couch. She settled into her chair before she began to speak. "Both you and Kathy are beginning the process of doing a paradigm shift," Judith said. "That's what therapy is, changing the way you think, feel and then act about what ever is causing you a problem. I'm going to bring you along slowly, nice little steps that lead you to a new psychoemotional position. Keep that in mind when you find yourself reluctant or resistive to my directions it is because I am leading you to new ground.

It is my analysis that you were terrorized by both of your parents, particularly by your father who was a very ignorant man. Then you replaced your mother when you went in search of a critical and demeaning woman to be your wife. And you found her. It took years ... you let her slam you, jam you, tell you that you were no good. You accepted everything she said because you were taught to revere women ... by your brutal father and by your controlling and shaming mother. They were but children emotionally, and they visited their wounds upon you, the helpless child. Then you married a beautiful woman who didn't know how to love herself. "

"Eventually she went sour and projected her sexual shame and guilt onto you. You accepted it because that's the way it was in your family of origin. It was a repeat of the way you related to your mother and father. It was not a mature way of responding to her junk but it was the only thing you knew."

"I am going to teach you that you have choices about how you respond to others who want to hand you their psycho-emotional junk. You have also formed an irrational resistance to marriage as the result of your experience. That's another goal in your treatment plan ... to bring you back to neutral about marriage."

She rose out of her chair and pushed the footstool toward me. Easing onto the stool she told me to open my trousers and push them down past my knees. "Now your shorts," she said. I was more than slightly excited looking at her legs which she carelessly allowed to show from under her skirt which was at midthigh. She pulled on the single end of the bowknot between her ample breasts and caused the ruffled neckline of her white peasant-girl blouse to widen. Then she reached across her body with her left hand and brushed the blouse off her shoulder. I could see the uppermost portions of a substantial foundation garment and a lot of supported cleavage peeking out of the new, much lower neckline.

"What we're doing today is preparation for a session we'll be having with Kathy in a couple of weeks. You masturbated and came for me and you jacked off into Kathy's hands. You have been successful both times you have been here. I want you to be comfortable with masturbating in front of me. I am not only a therapist; I am a woman....a sexual woman who can appreciate a big hard cock seeking her. That affirms me, confirms that I am an attractive and desirable woman. Masturbate for me until you are big and hard and ready," Judith Mason Ph.D. said. I did as she asked while I looked into the dark brown eyes of the woman on the footstool in front of me. When I was erect she told me to maintain my erection for twenty minutes without ejaculating. She went to her desk, picked up a white paper bag and returned to the footstool. The bag contained a Styrofoam cup filled with coffee and a custard- filled longjohn. Lasciviously she put one end of the cream stick in her mouth, sucked on it and then slowly bit into it as she stared at my shiny, slippery hard cock. After she sipped her coffee she would lick her lips and consume another bit of the pastry. Several times our eyes met and a little smile bloomed across her face. When she had finished her coffee and pastry she rose from the footstool again and went to her desk. She obtained a cigarette from it, lit up and turned to face me. Taking a deep drag she pulled at the bowknot of her black wraparound skirt with the other hand. With a little urging from her the skirt loosened and slid off her hips and landed around her feet. I saw white thigh- high stockings that ended with fancy white elastic lace at midthigh. Again she approached and sat on the footstool. She was nearly done with her cigarette when she said, "There, see how much pleasure you can find without having any contact with a woman? Put it away, we're done for today," she directed. "And leave it alone until you come back here again," she added pointing to my rigid penis.

The next session on Tuesday started in the usual way. I found I was looking forward to Judith's touch and then to being encouraged to pleasure myself while two women waited for me to indicate I was ready to come. I stood in the middle of the room again, stroking myself as Kathy closed the door behind her. This time she was fully dressed. 'Go sit on the footstool," she said. I eased onto the footstool which had a white terrycloth cover over it. Kathy knelt before me and lubricated her right hand with baby oil. Using her left hand, she grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand down to my side. "Let me do that," she said as she began stroking my hard cock. I growled and groaned at the pleasure she was giving me with her hand. Her gaze was fixed on my yearning, taught cock. She increased the speed of her strokes and began repeating the same demand over and over ... "give it to me ... give it to me ... give it to me." The electric shivers shot through my whole body and my dick became the center of my being as the orgasm swept through me. She caught the white cream in her left hand. Still squeezing me with her right hand, she licked my cum out of her left hand and swallowed it. Then she gave the head of my cock a closed-lip kiss. 'Will you kiss me with your cum on my lips?" she asked.

"Of course," I replied, realizing that I had never kissed this woman. She moved slowly and stayed on my lips until the penis in her hand faded to soft obscurity. I liked the woman's style, I decided.

While I drove to the next session I reviewed my own progress. First time alone with Judith in the next room. Then I had jacked off into Kathy's hands. Next I jacked myself up but not off with Judith sitting just a few feet away watching me. Next Kathy had finished me off with her hand. What would today bring? I wondered.

Judith and Kathy were sitting on the couch in the outer office. Judith told me to lock the outer door. When I turned back to them Judith commented, "This is going to be a big day for both of you. Kathy has been practicing swallowing a dildo for two weeks. She has pretty well overcome her gag reflex and today she is going to take as much of you as she can handle. What I want you to concentrate on is not thrusting while you are in her mouth. She will decide how much of you she can take. I will be using prostate massage to accomplish your ejaculation. Do you know what that means?"

'Exactly. There's some new ground for you too. Kathy will be in the office with you from the beginning. She will be teasing you visually and tactically ... showing you her legs, unbuttoning her dress, stimulating you with her hands and her lips. You will be completely nude and masturbate to full erection, then call me into the office. Understood?" Judith concluded.