Friday, August 29, 2008

I've realized that I am still trying, too much, to hold on to who I used to be. Instead of letting go and embracing the changes that are occurring in me and in my life, I am trying to exact and extract a measure of control over my life, over circumstances, over what people think of me. I try to be who I think I want to be, instead of being who I should be. And the profound thing that struck me today while I was in meeting is that there may be nothing wrong with who I want to be, but its not who I should be. I guess to clarify, when I say nothing wrong with it, what I mean is that there is no inherent problem with the idea of someone being like that. Rather, this is not what I am meant to be. So therefore, my attitude needs to change, and I need to surrender this attempt to control my life. I need to discover how I am supposed to be what I am supposed to be.

I also know that following through on this will be difficult for me. But I do what I have to do. Poorly sometimes, but I do it.

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About Me

Hi - I'm your erstwhile blog authorial figure.

I was in the 'Stan, starting in August 2007 until the call to change came, working as the IT Coordinator for a school. Now I am back in the U.S. with my beautiful wife, and we are figuring out life together. Sometime we are hoping to go back overseas, we just have to wait for the call for when.