Fug Romance

LADY GAGA: And it’s lovely to meet you. Thank you SO much for coming to my lavish event.

QE2: Your event?

LADY GAGA: Yes indeed. This is Andromeda Galaxy’s Annual High Commander’s Silent Auction Gala, brought to you by MAC cosmetics, Beyond Pleatherdome, and the Men’s Wearhouse. This year we have a petting zoo.

QE2: I’m not sure what you’re playing at, pet — this is the Royal Variety Performance.

GAGA: Oh, I love this woman. Grandmothers are so adorable. And you brought me flowers!

QE2: I dare say these are my flowers, young lady.

GAGA: It’s not Young Lady, it’s Lady Gaga.

QE2: Lady Gaga? I don’t recall you being the wife of anyone I’ve knighted. Unless… is “Gaga” what they’re calling Sir George Charles Anaghwilliam these days? I admit I do find that a trifle titillating.

GAGA: Priceless! Please come inside. But next time, remember that the dress code is leotards ONLY for commonfolk.

QE2: Commonfolk? I say… wait. This has Camilla Parker-Bowles’s acrid perfume all over it.

GAGA: Seriously, I don’t know where you people find these guests, but this one’s my favorite. Can I keep her?