Jim Fall: You have to keep laughing if you plan to remain sane

Tuesday

Nov 29, 2011 at 12:01 AMNov 29, 2011 at 5:44 AM

Without making too much of a to-do about it, by this time next week, I will have passed one of life’s quasi-significant mileposts. I, you see, am about to observe my Diamond Jubilee. Or, as daughter Susie calls it, my Semi-Sesquicentennial.

Jim Fall

Without making too much of a to-do about it, by this time next week, I will have passed one of life’s quasi-significant mileposts.

However you want to categorize it, I will complete 75 years of living Saturday. Yep, the ol’ LXXV, as my fellow Romans would have tagged it.

The best part, so far, is that to sum it up, I feel about, like, 12. Well, probably 35 would be more realistic, but you get the picture. My dad died when he was much younger than I am, at 62; my mom, and her parents, all functioned quit well into their 80s, so hopefully I come by these years naturally.

A part of me doesn’t buy into the 75 bit, however. That Jim likes to think he has dropped the “5” and is getting ready to celebrate his seventh birthday. That is because back in 2004, almost exactly three months after spending the biggest part of a day getting my heart remodeled, I felt like I was starting over again. In fact, we had a bunch of folks at the house for what we dubbed “Jim’s Second First Birthday.”

I have always — until recently, anyway — thought I could keep up with my kids, and so I have tried to continue to maintain a “young” attitude. They have humored me in that, and still do, pretty much, and I think that has helped me keep a youthful outlook –– that and the fact that I was always fortunate to work with a good number of young people. First- or second-job reporters and photographers kept me abreast of newer ideas, and that has been an important benefit.

I will be the first to admit, however, that many times I give the impression of not reacting to serious things seriously enough. I believe that is in an effort to keep events and situations in perspective, but I realize it sometimes makes me come across as taking things too lightly.

But humor has also helped me stay comparatively young, at least in my own mind. I will always believe that. That was one reason I was especially pleased with an early birthday greeting I have received. It’s from a Montana friend who has an even more aggravated sense of humor that I. He said the punch line would be a good idea to keep in mind as I encounter sure-to-come maladies in my advancing years.

As you will see, he is another who, perhaps, does not at first seem to take certain situations with the utmost seriousness. He advised that as I increased in age, I needed to pay particular attention to this old Indian legend:

“A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging folk remedies with the assistance of a Blackfoot tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for most any form of constipation.

“When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and said, ‘Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas.’”

As that readily illustrates, Joe is a punster, and I love them, too. There are more that I have gotten from him and others stashed back for use at some special time. For whatever reason, this seems to be that time.

Some of the stash includes another with a definite Native American tilt:

“An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew and swallow 1 inch of the leather every day.

“After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, ‘The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on.’"

As Larry the Cable Guy would say, “Now that’s funny, I don’t care who you are.”

So is this: “King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world.

“Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, ‘I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it.’

“’But I paid a million dinars for it,’ the king protested. ‘Don't you know who I am? I am the king!’

“Croesus replied, ‘When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are.’”

One last one:

“Back in the 1800s, Tate's Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products, and since they already made the cases for watches, they began to produce compasses.

“The new compasses were so bad that people were known to end up in Canada or Mexico, rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression, ‘He who has a Tate's is lost!’”

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