Self Love & Getting Support

Life can get pretty lonely & frustrating when you’re gifted at so many things.

Okay, that sounds funny but you know what I mean.

Things won’t get done right unless you do them. That may be true but, this often leaves you feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and a little helpless at times.

You wonder if being such a hustler will always feel this lonely.

You probably hear all the time that you “should be asking people for support” but, you have little clue of how to actually do that. (Trust me, I understand.)

This problem gets even harder if you’re the type of person that’s good at so many things and deep down you know that things will get done better if you just do it yourself.

You likely believe and practice the age old adage “If you want something done right, you better do it yourself.”

But all of that lone ranger thinking has caught up to you and you are exhausted.

Maybe you find it difficult to connect with the people around you.

Even though you know people want to help, you’re just not sure how to ask for or even receive the support available.

You’ve probably often thought of yourself as “bad at receiving” and have heard loved ones often complain that you “never let them help you”.

I want you to know that all of these feelings are totally normal.

In fact, many high achieving and successful people struggle with this very same thing.

You are not alone.
Also, you are not bad at receiving.
You just need a few good tools and some practice!

The purpose of this article is to help you get comfortable with asking for and receiving support you know you desperately need.

Below are a few tips to get you Started:

Step 1 - get to know how other people operate

A foundational part of building a good team around you and getting support is understanding how other people think and operate.

Your greatest support system will come from people who are very different from you. Examples include people who are:

Very in touch with their feelings and wear their heart on their sleeves.

Analytical and risk averse.

Unorganized and full of crazy, off-the-wall ideas.

Getting to know these types of people and learning to work with them may be annoying to you at first, but I promise it will be very beneficial in the end.

Step 2 - Be Okay with not knowing & Practice asking for support anyway

As a person who prides herself in being “well educated” and “knowing a lot”, I struggle with not knowing.

But not knowing is okay! Plus, it is a great opportunity to practice asking for support.

Be okay with the fact that you either:

Don’t know what you need to support you OR

Don’t know how to ask for what you need

Practice saying or asking trusted colleagues and friends the following (in your own words):

“I’m feeling overwhelmed right now with so much to do. I know I probably need help but I’m not sure what I need. Will you let me vent to you for a few minutes and then maybe you can help me figure out what it is that can support me?”

“I need something. I’m not sure what. Can I tell you where I’m struggling and then maybe you can help me figure it out?”

“There is a resource I need to help me finish a project. I’m just not sure what yet. Will you help me figure it out?”

Step 3 - Practice receiving the support!

Now that you’ve made the request for support, practice actually receiving it.

Let people help you by:

Doing some of the things on your to do list

Connecting you with a resource to help you do the things on your to do list

Listening to you vent and help you process your challenges

The most important thing to do here is TO simply Allow.

Resist all urges to:

Micromanage

Control

Criticize or judge

Step 4 - GRATITUDE! ALWAYS!

Find a daily practice of gratitude that works for you.

This can be as simple as having a gratitude journal where you write every day 3 things you are grateful for.

Bonus points for also writing all the awesome things that happened during your day before going to bed each night.

And, this seems obvious but, always say thank you to people who are supporting you (even - and especially - if they don’t do it perfectly).

I hope this helps.

I could really teach a full day course on Asking for Support but this should be enough to get you started.