Five Tasers, Two Seconds: That’s Gonna Hurt, Bro

If you’re in a position to be tased, you’ve typically got one (not very impressive) advantage: the police officer or rent-a-cop trying to send 20,000 volts through your body has to be pretty close to you. But your advantage is about to disappear in a hail of electric shock cartridges.

Yes, an electric, semi-automatic Taser shotgun. Full reload of all five cartridges takes all of two seconds. Not even a steroided-out Ben Johnson can run 30 yards that quickly.

MAUL is “ideally suited” for “law enforcement and military applications,” Taser explains — a kind of remote crowd control of pain. Or, as Taser founder Tom Smith put it, “We developed the XREP to provide an extended range for situations where a close approach was dangerous or not possible.”

But don’t call the XREP’s charge an electric shock. (Even though it is.) Call it a “neuro muscular incapacitation bio-effect,” Taser tut-tuts.

Whatever you want to call it, think twice before you interrupt a baseball game by running out onto the field. The cops may not have to tackle you to fill you with a stun charge. And your drunk self doesn’t run so well, anyway.