A Year......

A year. A year of messing around in school, a year of hanging out after, getting pizza and frozen yogurt together, with out it being anything more than just friends. And i was so fine with that, as long as when he stood behind me helping me with a math problem, or something, i could smell his old spice which was the most comforting smell in the whole world to me. The texts, the ims, i never thought anything except we were close. Really close. A few months of doing this with groups of friends, the groups started getting smaller until it'd just be us. And again, i was fine with that. But it was then i started to feel.....more. When we went to see scary movies and i hid on his shoulder during a super scary part or we held hands then, we looked like the couple in front of us. So why weren't we? I started to like him, more, and more, and more as more(lots of mores) than a friend. it got more awkward, but he didn't seem to notice. it got hard. for me. bc after a month he obviously started to notice my change in attitude. and he started acting even more like the couple a few rows back. Putting his arm around me. Touching me. Staring at me, deep in my eyes with those clear blue eyes. Then one day we were up in my room after school doing homework, and he tried it. we were laying on my bed laughing and talking, not really doing homework. and he kissed me. i'm sure my face turned many shades of red then, but i didn't really care. i was so, so, so happy. right at that moment. Sure more happened than just one kiss. Lots of kissing, some touching. (i'm only 15. i'm not planing on going all the way) i never knew what his full intention was of that kiss. if it was to get me undressed, or simply see what it would feel like. I guess he didn't like it. We stopped talking for a week unless it was "Hey what's number 10?" and still then we didn't make eye contact. We still texted and facebook chatted and aimed and such. But the texting soon stopped, then the facebook chats, ims. Our pictures together started to disappear off facebook. it all fell apart. and i was dying on the inside. i still am. It'd been a year since our first im was sent. And on that day of the next year our last was sent. i'm not sure if he planned it like that (for the dramatic effect) or it just played out that way. But he messed with me. Weather the intention the whole time was to get me in bed and undressed i don't know. But i still die a little inside when i think too long about it.

Cheer up you're still young, intelligent, and very well spoken. Just young. In time you will forget about this guy or maybe not forget but remember in a way that will be useful. Maybe a new fling will ignite the warning signals that you ignored last time, since you didn't know.<br /><br />Life is to be experienced and lived and you have a lot more of that to do. Feeling like you're going to die and the pain you are going through will subside and it is just another reminder of something that makes you unique, special, and don't forget, human.

the greatest ppl i have met and spoke, with all are like me, ppl who lost the drive to even pick themselves up and say hey to me, i used to be on fb and eventually got into a massive group of friends and there was one guy who was just amazing and he and i spoke a lot about things...