Month: October 2011

And, for the most part, we’re talking common sense: ‘Do unto others’ isn’t exactly a solely religious strategem by which to live one’s life, and so it appears in Penn Jillette’s list.

When it comes to it, getting along together in the only life that we have shouldn’t be too acutely absurd a notion, yet so many people of religious faith and non-believers want to butt heads when the obvious answer is clear –

I can now cruise the streets of Sheffield unfettered by L-plates, and I can even go places on my own. A big deal to a teenager, but it’s curiously enticing to me too.

That said, this is clearly the worst ideas in the history of bad ideas: now that I can drive, I can drive myself to see so many more bloody awful films at the cinema on my own, so that Mrs Rolling Eyeballs doesn’t have to suffer through them – which, come to think of it, is quite cool for her.

I have my second driving test on Monday. Yes, Halloween. Not sure what to make of that date, but I didn’t really have much say in it – it was, as they say, available…

The first one went mostly well until I completely botched a roundabout and somehow contrived how to deal with lane discipline. I had no minor errors to speak of – but those major ones did me in.

So, second time around I plan to pass, if only because taking the test is so bloody expensive – each time that I’ve paid for the test I’ve been unable to escape the very real idea that I could have bought a game for that – probably even one of those absurdly overpriced collector’s editions.

I know, I know – the cost of driving only gets more expensive once you actually get your license and have to pay for insurance, MOT’s and all that jazz but I’m going to be splitting the cost with Mrs Rolling Eyeballs, as I really don’t need to own a car myself. I live in a city and there just isn’t the room to park another vehicle in the area that I live in. I might be able to park a unicycle – the jury’s out on that.

Am I confident? I know that I’m a pretty decent driver – something that I suspect which comes with age, experience and a healthy sense of pathological distrust for everybody else on the road – but the actual belief in my ability to pass the test is something else. Everyone around me – including, thankfully, my long-suffering teacher – is positive that I can do it. I know that I can do it – I just have to lock to let the glass half-empty side of my personality securely away for a couple of hours on Monday so that my inner Negative Nigel can be wholly and completely usurped.

What do you write for a 200th post? Do you talk about the past, muse on the future or thank people for reading? Or do you take the blog format to its logical conclusion and tell people about what you’re doing right at this moment?

I am on holiday next week and have decided with Mrs Rolling Eyeballs to make a start on a job which we have been putting off for far too long – tiling our hallway floor, with quarry tiles leading from the kitchen and some grey ceramic tiles proceeding from the quarry tiles, along the hallway to the vestibule which leads to the front door.

Sounds quite grand but it really isn’t, to be honest.

Our splendidly dusty kitchen floor, with tiles and supplies

Don’t misunderstand me – I am not Mr D.I.Y. Far from it – I only get involved in this kind of home improvement caper predominantly because it saves a bit of cash and there’s a curious satisfaction to be derived from planning, carrying out and living with a D.I.Y. project that you’ve seen from inception to fruition.

Pretty quarry tiles, all in a row

The current state of play as you read this is that the tiles are now applied in a row of four across the wooden floorboards – a slightly dull and nasty red carpet previously sat in situ in the hallway and succeeded primarily in making a dark and dull space that bit more dingy and gloomy than it really had to be.

One fringe benefit of this project won’t even be felt by me – when the hallway is tiled, it’s going to be the ‘go-to’ spot for our dogs to lay their heads in the hot summer weather. I don’t think that I’ve ever met a dog who didn’t like to lie on a cool ceramic tile in the middle of July and get their canine recline on.

Where's my tiled floor? I want to make with the lying down already.

Not that Minnie’s the major client on this job. At least, I don’t think she is…