WE’RE off and running in the General Election stakes and, maybe it’s my age, but I’m struggling to summon up the energy to care.

It’s a sorry state of affairs, I know, but it’s hard to work out who wants to do what.

I mean, take a look at the slogans which are supposed to provide an insight into what each party is all about.

David Cameron and his Tories have come up with “a year for change”. What sort of change? Sex change, loose change or maybe a change of wardrobe? Perhaps it’s an homage to David Bowie’s Ch-ch-ch-changes, to give the impression that everything will be Hunky Dory under them.

Then Gordon Brown and Labour gave us “a future fair for all”. A bit clunky and, with their predisposition to stealth taxes, it perhaps should more accurately read “a future fare for all” (ie with Labour at the helm of the good ship Britannia, the fare will probably go up).

Then the leader of the Lib Dems, you know, what’s his name? No don’t tell me, don’t tell me. Tip of my tongue. Clegg! Nick Clegg. Obviously, with his mind on a hung parliament – which would put the Lib Dems in the box seat were it come to a coalition – he played it canny by merging the Tory and Labour party slogans into one, coming up with: “change that works for you. Building a fairer Britain”.

Last week, the first major hare of the election race was set running with a story that encompassed not one, but two of the major topics upon which the battle will be contested – immigration and jobs.

Figures were released that said of the 1.67 million jobs created by Labour since 1997, 98.5% were taken by foreign and not British-born workers. Inevitably, Gordon Brown got a right kicking over it with much talk about “betrayal”. But how much is it really Labour’s fault?

Did someone from the party sit in on every job interview and say “pick Johnny Foreigner, he’s cheaper”? Or did the employers decide that themselves.

The Tories would of course insist on a level playing field and insist everybody is paid peanuts.

Shadow immigration minister Damien Green also revealed there were almost 730,000 fewer British born workers in the private sector than in 1997.

That’s an easy one to answer as they’ve either been sacked to safeguard the future of the much better paid executives who are out of their depth when the economy goes a bit wonky.