ISSN: 1525-898XObservations by and for the vaguely disenchanted by Kevin G. Barkes

Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video,
raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance
of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

"Before beginning the drive, Mitt Romney put Seamus, the family's hulking Irish setter, in a dog carrier and attached it to the station wagon's roof rack. He'd built a windshield for the carrier, to make the ride more comfortable for the dog. (a 12-hour drive.)

...

"As the oldest son, Tagg Romney commandeered the way-back of the wagon, keeping his eyes fixed out the rear window, where he glimpsed the first sign of trouble. "Dad!" he yelled. "Gross!" A brown liquid was dripping down the back window, payback from an Irish setter who'd been riding on the roof in the wind for hours.

"As the rest of the boys joined in the howls of disgust, Romney coolly pulled off the highway and into a service station. There, he borrowed a hose, washed down Seamus and the car, then hopped back onto the highway. It was a tiny preview of a trait he would grow famous for in business: emotion-free crisis management."

What's particularly stunning here is that this horrific behavior is offered as something to be admired. Emotion-free crisis management?! How about emotion-free animal cruelty? After hours in the hot sun and near-hurricane wind noise, Romney is lucky all the unfortunate canine did was relieve himself. I hope poor Seamus at least had the opportunity to bite Romney in the ass or take a dump in his shoes when they reached their destination.

As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.

Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.

Critics are like eunuchs at an orgy. They just don't get it.

Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin.

Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love.

Hope for the best,expect the worst.Life is a play.We're unrehearsed.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

If Shaw and Einstein couldn't beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none.

Look at Jewish history. Unrelieved lamenting would be intolerable. So, for every ten Jews beating their breasts, God designated one to be crazy and amuse the breast-beaters. By the time I was five I knew I was that one.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

Usually when a lot of men get together, it's called war.

What is the toughest thing about making film? Putting in the little holes. The sprocket holes are the worst. Everything else is easy, but all night you have to sit with that little puncher and make the holes on the side of the film. You could faint from that work. The rest is easy. The script is easy, the acting is easy, the directing is a breeze... but the sprockets will tear your heart out.

I love the fact that 'spam' has come to mean unwanted garbage on the Internet. Every day I receive four or five offers to add three or four inches to my penis. All of which I accept. And now I have a nine-foot penis.-Eric Idle, "The Greedy Bastard Diary"

"The activities and fates of 29 lone, sociable dolphins are well
documented (Table 3). More than two-thirds were males (17/25
whose sex was known), and slightly more than half were immatures
(15/28 whose age was estimated). Most were reported to
have near-daily interactions with humans and infrequent interactions
with conspecifics. One lone, sociable dolphin was locally
acclaimed for 'saving' a drowning boy ('Flipper'); however,
others achieved notoriety for 'abducting' people who then had
to be saved by boat (e.g. 'Donald', 'Percy'). At least 13 dolphins
had periods of mis-directed sexual behaviour towards humans,
buoys, and/or vessels, and approximately two-thirds (at least 18)
directed aggressive behaviour towards humans. Dolphin-to-human
aggression sometimes resulted in such serious human
injury as unconsciousness, a ruptured spleen, and broken ribs,
(e.g. 'Donald', an unnamed dolphin from Florida Keys) or even
death ('Tiao'). At least eight dolphins were reported to cause
damage to human property, primarily vessels and fishing gear.
Aggression, damage to human property, and/or disruption of
fishing operations resulted in conflict with local people in several
cases (e.g. 'JoJo', 'Nudgy', 'Percy')".Swimming with Wild Cetaceans in the Southern Hemisphere

The latest software update to Apple TV links it to YouTube, so instead of wasting time in front of the computer screen, I can waste time lying on the couch and watching great stuff like this on a big-screen TV:

In fact, there's an entire category of microwave oven destruction. I'd still like my personal jetpack, but the 21st century does have its perks.

I've worked with complex software systems for 25 years. For a number of years I specialized in OpenVMS systems and spent nights and weekends getting dead systems back up and running. I've walked into a smoke-filled computer room at 6 am on a Monday morning to discover a malfunctioning air conditioner, three crashed hard drives and a dead cpu, and had them all up and running again by lunchtime.

Still, nothing puts the fear of God in me more than attempting to upgrade a personal computer to a new version of a Windows operating system. I've never had an in situ upgrade work properly, despite days of preparation. If I have to go to a new Windows OS, I either wipe the disk or buy a new computer.

(I don't know what it is, but something about this photo
weirds me out. It looks almost like an Alberto Vargas pin-up.
Living humans just don't look like this. She has more paint than
a Sherwin-Williams store.)