He asked Italian men if, out of respect for the game, they were “only groping women with their feet.”

After Italy beat England 2-1, Triumph decided to help English fans channel their Italian anger. He handed them pictures of notable Italians, like Joe DiMaggio, and let them take their anger out by ripping a black and white 8×10 to shreds — which they did, gladly.

Things got messy when Triumph provoked fans to headbutt a plate of spaghetti.

“I swear to God, I was on your side. Look I got the jersey, right? And look, I did the teeth. I made them all yellow like England, yes?”

When English fans didn’t take the joke well, Triumph said, “Here take revenge on Italy. Headbutt these cannoli.”

Which again, they did, gladly.

Then Triumph went inside a quiet Japanese restaurant.

“May I add that the Japanese World Cup team is a most impressive assemblage of very, very able-bodied soccer players…for me to poop on.”

He told a table of Japanese fans that he noticed the game against Ivory Coast “represents the largest penis size differential in the history of World Cup sports.”