Tuesday, February 4, 2014

If you like the Column I wrote for you today:
I've written 14 more! Go to the far left hand
Column and click on my photo to read them all.

Sway could mean different things with Multiple Sclerosis. One way could
be about ones fucked up balance or their mood. Personally I am sick and
tired of it. My mood swings are unpredictable and so god damn annoying.
On the most part I am a happy and positive person. But when the ugly
mood appears—I swear I am bi-polar!

When I’m
having a good mood I am the nicest most positive individual. I am cool
as shit. Fun to be around—Life of the party I must add. I enjoy spending
countless hours researching all sorts of health information and health
wellness to help others. It gives me great satisfaction knowing I have
or maybe helping thousands of people. I work on my Facebook everyday
looking for anyone that needs uplift. I make it part of my everyday
routine to check on certain people. I try to acknowledge most people. I
want them to feel that they are important. I want people to know they
are in my thoughts everyday and that they mean a lot to me. With that
being said, I become quite irritated when I don’t get it back.

Monday, February 3, 2014

When I was diagnosed with R/R MS, my parents didn’t get upset. The first reaction from them both was—“You didn’t get that from my side!” I was in a daze and didn’t really care what their reactions were. Nor did I care about my friends reactions. All I could do was focus on my own.

I was devastated. I was scared, angry and very sad. I had a million things going through my head. For instance; would I die young? Am I going to see my children grow up? Will I see them get married and have children? There was so much on my plate that honestly a bomb could’ve gone off and I wouldn’t have cared.

Presently, things have calmed down. I am a stronger woman because of this ugly disease.

MS is not only a cause of depression, but the disease modifying drugs are as well. That is if one chooses to take them. Me, on hand prefers not to take the DMD's. I mean who wants to fuck up their livers by taking these drugs in the hope your disease--which is slow already--doesn't get worse. I don't. MS gives us enough shit to worry about.

But, I want to focus on one things today--depression. Depression and MS is a given. So most of us are forced to take an antidepressant. Myself--I have been battling depression for a long time and have tried several prescriptions. My current poison is Paxil. That's right I said poison. I have been doing great except one thing.

Sway could mean different things with Multiple Sclerosis. One way could
be about ones fucked up balance or their mood. Personally I am sick and
tired of it. My mood swings are unpredictable and so god damn annoying.
On the most part I am a happy and positive person. But when the ugly
mood appears—I swear I am bi-polar!

When I’m
having a good mood I am the nicest most positive individual. I am cool
as shit. Fun to be around—Life of the party I must add. I enjoy spending
countless hours researching all sorts of health information and health
wellness to help others. It gives me great satisfaction knowing I have
or maybe helping thousands of people. I work on my Facebook everyday
looking for anyone that needs uplift. I make it part of my everyday
routine to check on certain people. I try to acknowledge most people. I
want them to feel that they are important. I want people to know they
are in my thoughts everyday and that they mean a lot to me. With that
being said, I become quite irritated when I don’t get it back.

Everyone
wants to feel loved and important. We do. We all do. Social networking
has been a wonderful advocate in helping with that. I understand not
all have time—so they say—to always reply. My response to that would
be—then get the fuck off the social network. Or at least write a post
letting people know that you are on-line but for other purposes.
Clarification is nice. Making others aware that you aren’t ignoring
would be nice. I suppose in a perfect world. And this isn’t a perfect
world. I wish.

I
just wish people were more like me. Then everything would be okay. Ha! I
am getting off track with my swaying mood. Oh how they sway! This
way—that way. But, when it’s good—it’s damn good. When it’s bad, it’s
sucks! My bad mood will come out of nowhere! Things or people can
trigger it at any moment –anywhere. For me there have been times “the
mood” punches me in the fucking face. I don’t even know why or how. All
one or I can do is stay quiet and to oneself. In fact, I find it better
that way. For this mood make one unpredictable. I fear with my short
temper (because of my lesions on my fucking brain) that I could end up
in an assault and battery situation. That’s why I feel it’s best that I
stay home.

It sounds violent. I know. I just
can’t help it. I think I can speak for most of us sick folks too. I do
my best with what I got to stay sane, happy and positive. I’ve learned
to just do what I want. Fuck what others think or want. Fuck what they
say. Unless they are sick—they will never understand. It’s all about me.
Not others and their opinions.

Life is short. Do what makes you comfortable. Do what makes you happy.