Nudist Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

How do find the blind man at the nudist colony?

Nudist colony

Q- How can you tell the blind guy at a nudist colony?
A- It's not hard.

Q- Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A- The one carrying a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Q- Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A- The one who can eat the last donut.

My friend asked me if I was ready to go to the nudist colony.

I was born ready.

A man is lying on a nudist beach wearing only a hat covering his crotch

When all of a sudden a woman passes by who remarks, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a gentleman, you would lift and tip your hat to a lady."
He replies, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a sexy woman, the hat would lift by itself."

For Christmas my mum bought me a t-shirt saying, "I'm a nudist."

I haven't worn it yet.

A hole appeared in the wall around the local nudist colony.

Police are looking into it.

How do you find a blind man at a nudist beach?

It's not hard

Why did the midget get kicked out of the nudist colony?

He kept getting in everyone's hair.

A female nudist calls for a taxi

The taxi stops and the driver scans her from head to toe, with big bold eyes.

At this the nudist erupts: Haven't you seen a naked girl before?

Driver : It's not about that, I'm just wondering where have you kept the money to pay me..

How do you spot the blind man at the nudist beach?

It's not hard

Why don't midgets ever get accepted into nudist colonies?

They keep sticking their noses into everyone else's business.

A hole was found in a nudist camp wall

The police are now looking into it.

How do you find a blind guy in a nudist colony?

it isn't hard.

Who is the most popular guy in the nudist colony?

The one that can carry two cups of coffee and a dozen doughnuts at the same time.

The most popular woman?

The one that can eat the 12th doughnut.

A joke my Dad made up (says lots bout Dad): A philosopher and a nudist are at a beach resort...

The philosopher asks the nudist, "have you read marx? And the nudist replies, "why, yes! But I think it's the wicker chairs."

How do you spot a blind man in a nudist colony?

It's not hard.

I recently joined a nudist colony.

The first few days were the hardest.

How do you spot a blind guy on a nudist beach?

It's not hard!

Who's the most popular guy at a nudist colony?

The one that can carry 2 cups of coffee and a dozen donuts

Who's the most popular guy in the nudist camp?

The one who can carry two cups of coffee and nine donuts.

Who's the most popular lady in the nudist camp?

The one who can eat the last donut.

Who is the most popular guy at a nudist colony?

The guy that can hold a cup of coffee in each hand and 6 donuts

There is a nudist convention happening in my town

I might go if I have nothing on.

A nudist woman walks into a bar

And tells the bartender "one beer please"
The bartender just looks at her from head to toes. "What? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman?" --
"Oh yeah many times"--
"Well, why do you keep staring at me then?"--
"I'm just wondering where you keep your money to pay for the beer"

Joey moves to a nudist colony

Joey moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of him in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it. The next day he discovers that he had accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo.

He is extremely worried but then remembers that his grandmother's eyesight is poor and hopes that she doesn't notice.

A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It reads

Dear Joey

Thank you for the picture. May I suggest that you get a haircut, your hair makes your nose look small.

Love Grandma

A friend of mine jointed a nudist camp last week

he said the first day was the hardest.

Who is the most popular guy at a nudist colony?

The one who can bring his friends two cups of coffee and a dozen donuts.

There's a nudist convention in my town next weekend

I might go if I've got nothing on

I recently joined a nudist colony..

The first week was the hardest

Two men at the Communist Nudist Colony are sitting on the porch...

One turns to the other and says, "I say old boy, have you read marx?"
The other says, "Yes, I believe it's these wicker chairs."

I vacationed at a nudist colony this past summer...

the first few days were the hardest.

Two nudists philosophers were sitting around when one of them asked the other, "Have you read Marx?"

The other one replied "Yes, I think it's the wicker furniture".

I got an internship job at a nudist camp

I'm doing it for the exposure

Police humors

Someone cut a hole in the nudist camp fence. The police are looking into it.

Someone stole the toilet from the police headquarters. The cops have nothing to go on.

How to spot a blind guy in a nudist colony?

It ain't hard.

How do you find a blind guy at a nudist beach?

It's not hard.

What do nudists pack for vacation?

Just the bare necessities.

Who's the most popular guy at a nudist colony?

The guy who can carry two cups of coffee and a dozen donuts.

Three professors go to the nudist beach

They start reading their newspapers, when suddenly Miss Ridgewell approaches them from the Chemistry Department. The alarmed professors react immediately. Two of them hide their manhood with their newspapers, the third, however, hides his face. They politely salute the lady, who simply passes by to join her friends.

When she's far gone, one of them asks the third professor, "Why did you hide your face?"

To which the third professor replies, "I don't know about you guys, but people usually recognise my face..."

Two nudist socialists are sitting on a porch.

The first one asks, "Have you read Marx?"

The second one replies, "Yes, I think it's these wicker chairs."

A hole was discovered in the fence of a nudist community.

Police are looking into it.

Most popular

Who is the most popular guy in a nudist colony?
The guy that can carry two pots of coffee and a dozen donuts.
Who is the most popular girl?
The girl that eats the last donut.

Who is the most popular guy at a nudist colony?

The guy that can carry a dozen doughnuts and 2 cups of coffee.

Two nudists are sitting on the porch

Two older nudist men are sitting on the porch, having a discussion about communism. One man turns and says, "Have you read Marx?"
The other man replies, "Yes, I believe it's these wicker chairs."

Did you hear about the hole in the nudist colony fence?

The police are looking into it.

I was trying to get over my fear of public speaking at a nudist colony.

I just imagined everyone with their clothes on.

A man moves into a nudist colony

Once he got to his new location, he received a letter from his mother asking him to send a picture of himself in his new location. Embarrassed about moving into a nudist colony, the man decides to take a picture of himself and cut it in half to send to his mother. After he sends the picture to his mother, he realizes he has sent the wrong half. He knows his mother has poor eyesight and hopes that she does not see it very well. When he gets a return letter, the letter read "Son, change your hairstyle, it makes your nose look short."

Did you hear that someone put a hole in the fence at the nudist beach?

Don't worry, the police are looking into it.

Logic

Three professors visit a nudist beach, and strip off. After some time they notice the Dean and his wife approaching. Two of the professors immediately cover their private parts with towels, but the professor of logic covers his face. When asked why, he says "My face is the way that I am usually recognised".

Who's the most popular man at the nudist beach?

The one who can carry two cups of coffee and six donuts.

A family is on a nudist beach for the first time

**The kid asks his dad:** "Why do some guys have a small one and others a big one?"

**His dad:** "Well you see, the less you have down there, the more you have in your head. The more you have down there, the less you have in your head.

***15 minutes pass***

**Kid:** Look dad! The more that guy is looking at mom, the dumber he gets!

Communist Nudists

These two guys were sitting outside at a nudist colony. After talking for a while, they discovered they were both believers in Communism.

The first one said to the other
"You seem very familiar with this. Have you read Marx?"

To which the second replied, "Yes, and I think it's from sitting in these wicker chairs!"

Sweet Dreams

"Doc, I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamed I was the only man in a nudist colony."

"My, my," responded the doctor. "Did you sleep well?"

"I tried," answered the patient, "but it was hard."

How do nudists greet each other?

With a bare hug.

How do you tell who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

He can carry two cups of coffee and a dozen donuts.

A large hole appeared on the fence of the nudist camp...

...The police are looking into it.

How do you know who the most popular man at a nudist colony is?

The one that can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen donuts

How to tell who the most popular woman is?
The one that can eat the last donut

My dwarf friend was permanently banned from the nudist colony.

He kept sticking his nose in other people's business.

How do you find a blind man in a nudist camp?

It's not hard.

What do you call a stoner who is also a nudist?

Smokey the bare

popular male at a nudist colony

Q: Who's the most popular male at a nudist colony?
A: The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.