Victimizing a Blogger and Sigmund Freud

(I promise that I will get to the penis jokes soon…)

You may have seen me express my disapproval with the continued use of Sigmund Freud’s outdated theories. You may even have been shocked to hear that people still quote those theories as though they were a definitive source of knowledge. But now I have something new for you, my dear readers. I am going to add a stage to Freud’s incomplete theories of psychosexual development.

Freud claimed that there were five stages of psychosexual development: oral, anal, phallic, latency, and genital. You may also notice that four of these five stages are named for body parts that can be used in sexual acts. Unfortunately, Freud failed to capture the full range of psychosexual development because I’ve found someone who is in a different stage.

Meet Theflashion. If you visit his blog, you’ll find a lot of headless photos that have people’s bellybutton region in the center of the photo; some entries focus exclusively on people’s guts or bellybutton shots. The blog doesn’t really focus much on other parts of the body, so I think we’ve discovered a new obsession: the bellybutton stage.

But you may object: That can’t be possible! If there’s another stage of development that Freud missed, shouldn’t it also be something people can use during a sex act? If you asked that, you would be wrong again… and you would be showing your true lack of imagination. There’s an obvious reason why Theflashion doesn’t reveal his gender on his blog: he must have a tiny penis and the bellybutton is the one hole on other people’s bodies he can use for his own pleasure. (@ Theflashion: I apologize if I am using the wrong gender pronoun. Maybe you’re a she who has a tiny penis.)

And I’ll close with a trivia question for everyone: which of the bellybuttons on Theflashion’s blog do you think he has had relations with?