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- GOOD JOB TODD.
HI, I'M JONATHAN BRAKEL FROM COMCAST.
WE READ YOUR COMMENTS, AND COMPLAINTS, AND
WE KNOW THAT A LOT OF YOU ARE VERY NERVOUS
ABOUT OUR MERGER WITH TIME WARNER CABLE.
SO, I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU TODAY, AND LET YOU KNOW NO
MATTER WHAT HAPPENS,
WE DON'T GIVE A [ bleep ] ABOUT YOU.
WHETHER YOU'RE CALLING IN FOR A SERVICE APPOINTMENT, FOR
YOUR CABLE BOX, OR WONDERING WHY YOUR FAVORITE
CHANNEL DISAPPEARED, WE DON'T GIVE A [ bleep ].
THAT'S WHAT MAKES US AN INDUSTRY LEADER IN
TERRIBLE CUSTOMER SERVICE.
WE DON'T GIVE A [ bleep ], BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE TO.
WHAT? ARE YOU GOING TO GO TO ANOTHER
CABLE SERVICE PROVIDER? [ laughs ]
CHANCES ARE WE OWN WHATEVER MOVIE OR NETWORK YOU'RE WATCHING.
SO THAT'S STILL MONEY IN OUR POCKET.
OF COURSE YOU COULD WATCH NETFLIX, OR HULU.
IN FACT YOU SHOULD.
WE OWN HULU. WE ALSO MAKE NETFLIX PAY
US EXTRA FOR STREAMING CONTENT,
WHICH MEANS THEY'LL PROBABLY PASS THOSE
COSTS ON TO YOU.
BOTTOM LINE.
[ bleep ] YOU!
FROM THE PEOPLE WHO ANSWER OUR PHONES
TO THE PEOPLE WHO WRITE OUR TV SHOWS
WE DO NOT GIVE A [ bleep ].
WE COLLECT LABOR VIOLATIONS, AND LAWSUITS
THE WAY FAT KIDS COLLECT COOKIES.
SERIOUSLY, GOOGLE IT.
THEY DON'T CALL US THE WALMART OF TELECOM,
BECAUSE WE SMELL LIKE RATS AND PIZZA.
THEY CALL US THAT, BECAUSE WE DON'T
GIVE A [ bleep ] ABOUT YOU.
I KNOW A BIG MERGER LIKE THIS CAN BE CONFUSING,
BUT ALL YOU REALLY NEED TO KNOW IS
THIS IS WHO WE GIVE A [ bleep ] ABOUT, AND THIS IS WHO
WE DON'T GIVE A [ bleep ] ABOUT,
AND YOU.
SO THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING COMCAST.
YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE.
HEY AMERICA...GO [ bleep ] YOURSELVES.