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Monday, April 6, 2009

Cremation anyone?

Warning, this is in totally bad taste.

One of the local funeral homes had a fire last week. One of the workers attend out church and we work with them often. In the board meeting yesterday it was discussed that we were offering them use of our facilities as much as they need. The prep and holding facilities are fine and I think the chapel is fine, but their offices were damaged so it isn't as bad as it sounds.

Anyways, one of the board members said "Yeah they are having a new Cremation Special." Yep that was the part I warned you about. I told him that was pretty crude, and then I made it clear that when the Youth Pastor says it was not nice it is really bad. Of course I was laughing so my point might have been lost.

112 comments:

This is somewhat unrelated, but when I saw your comment on Candy's blog, it reminded me of it.

I used to date a guy that was an auditor for a large chain of funeral homes. One of his investigations made the news because in the process of auditing a funeral home's books, he discovered that they had been selling plots AND caskets multiple times. Some graves had more than one casket in them, sometimes with more than one body per casket. Can you even imagine? I wonder if there's a special place in hell for someone who would do that. I know that our bodies are only temporary, but that just strikes me as a seriously evil thing to do to someone's family.

katdish,yeah people really need to honor families more than that. I wouldn't mind if I was told in advance ... I don't really care much what happens to me. I've pretty well decided that I should be cremated, assuming the cause of my death doesn't ultimately result in cremation at which point it is a mute point. Family should be honored in their time of grief though.

Put my ashes in a shoe and it would be the only time I had a shoe that fit.

Frankly, I'd rather have them scattered off a bluff overlooking the Mississippi River, but I think it's illegal unless nobody sees you. So I think this group could take care of that little item for me, being the scoundrels that you are.

Stacey, I hardly know you. You seem witty and sweet and I'm honored you're my sister in Christ. But if you come between me and Jon Bon Jovi, it's on like Donkey Kong!!

And I just have to throw this out there: Why did NtG feel compelled to throw a disclaimer about this post being in bad taste? Do we REALLY need a disclaimer since this site was built on it (as opposed to Rock and Roll like SCL?)

Oh and Sherri, I have on some FABULOUS high heels today. They hurt like a mutha, but they are hot, hot, hot. Everytime I look down and admire (read: worship) them, I think of you...

See Marni, my crippled feet STILL look great in stilletos! I just don't move as fast. But I have a desk job, so who cares? Boys are grown, Big AL doesn't chase me around the house anymore...

Don't you just feel better (although you're writhing in pain) just admiring/worshipping them?

And , if I had never met Bi Al, and if I wasn't married, and He wasn't married, and if I was way hotter and he liked short redheaded woman, I'd say my stuffed shoe would be sittin' of Keith Urban's mantle.(Personally, I think Nicole Kidman is strange looking). What was he thinking? When he could have had all this? His loss.

Okay, I just found out that Sheryl Crow does a version of "Dyer Maker". I but it on my playlist because I can't find a complete Ledd Zepplin version. Does anyone else think Sheryl Crow's rendition is weak in comparison to Ledd Zepplin's? Or are these fighting words?

OK, First Mark Twain is not available for the ash in the face cannon. I might be willing to dig up Samuel Clemons next time I'm in north MO though. I bet he would get a kick out of that.

Second, how does this post get over 50 comments. Bad to worse to worst I'm telling you.

Finally, with all the potential suspects why did I get tossed under the bus for using Bunicula's name? Just because I like pranks doesn't mean I'm responsible for every prank. Although adding a key to someone's keyboard while they were away would be pretty awesome ... if someone did that which I most certainly didn't ;)

Sherri, all I can say is that for sure I am staying away from the computer on Good Friday. I kind of trust you guys, but not so much myself.Candy, I kinda like Steph's name for it.Steph, are we cluttering up you INBOX? Sorry about that.

The wisecrack key is also known as the ... are you ready? ... vertical line. Can't imagine how they came up with that name.

Sherri, I have a great prank idea you could help me with. It would top the last one. It seems to be about the only way to top it escalation being what it is. If you help me I promise to try and behave at your funeral ... I won't say anything about how they had to use a child's coffin or how I'll have to use my marshmallow launcher instead of my t-shirt cannon to send your ashes into the face of a some equally short celebrity.

Yeah Nick, thanks alot for not bringing it up. Yes, I'll help with the prank, cause I don't want you dissing me anymore with the short jokes!

katdish- don't hang around the monkey cages with kids in tow- they always put on x-rated shows EVERYTIME we took the kids.If one of your kids says, Aw, Look mom. That one monkey is raisin' the other one's tail..." the fun is about to ensue so get them outta' there fast!

I know you would think it's hilarious, but really, a bit graphic for the youngins.

Nick, I was sure it was you because BunBun told me. I am sure the others got his email, right guys? You probably aren't on his email list because you don't have yours up on your profile, so how was the little bunny supposed to know.

Annie - I'll have you know that this has been a very productive day. I finished several set pieces for the 2nd grade musical, started making signs for C3 on Sunday, filled a ziplock bag full of dog poo, and simonized my car (okay, I might have made one of those up). I'm a multi-tasker! But I gotta go to bed now! Goodnight Hervé Villechaize, where ever you are!

Beth, I saw fauxhawk dude on Wheel of Fortune. Thank God, I thought I was the only person under 55 who watched that show. That faux made him dumb. Who wouldn't get "clipboard"? I was screaming it at the TV, but he didn't hear me...

I long to be on that show. I could win some serious prizes. I am sad that gone are the days that my head could float around on the screen as I buy $600 ceramic dalmations, but it's okay I guess.

Marni, I too have wanted to be on that show. But I have to remind myself that at home it is always my turn, the bankrupt or lose a turn never affects me, and I have nothing to be nervous about. All that changes when your on the show.What is your favorite category? Mine is probably "fictional character".Least favorite category? Before and After. I am not fond of the weird combos. Happy Birthday Suit. You know.Any other Smarty Pantsers want to get in on this? Let's see how high we can get the comments up to!

Before and After is my favorite category. Helen, I hope this doesn't cause you to re-evaluate our friendship..I mean, c'mon "Jiffy Pop Culture"...that's genius right there.

Hey Nick....tttttthhhhhhhhppppppp!

Speaking of death-bad-taste stories (actually we're not speaking of them sense we're now on to sexually aggressive monkeys and Wheel of Fortune) there was a bit on the radio this morning about a 6'7" man who died some 10 years ago. He was buried in a standard casket. A few months ago, the lightbulb went off in his family's collective head and they were all "wait a minute...he was really tall and that casket was no more than 6 feet long...what gives?" So they had him exhumed (!!!) and realized the funeral home had cut off his lower legs so as to fit him in the casket. (I should point out here that the guy was, in fact, dead when his legs were cut off. I doubt he was all offended, but that's just me). But his family is PISSED and threw a hissy fit to the DA's office who has now, 10 years later, charged the director of the funeral home with "desecration of a corpse" and he could very well lose his license.

I just wanted to run that up the fodder flag pole and see if anyone salutes.

Marni, I don't think we need to reevaluate our friendship. I can concede the Jiffy Pop Culture is good. Can you concede that Happy Birthday Suit isn't? Can we meet in the middle here?I think it was inappropriate for the funeral home to do that without consulting the family. I would have probably said "Leave my Daddy's legs alone!", but, alas, as the hater of Happy Birthday Suit, I may be way off on this one....

I think it was inappropriate to chop off daddy's legs too. I just found this whole shabang funny because it took them 10 years to connect the dots about dad being tall, but casket being short.

The funeral home put the chopped off legs in the casket and they were buried with daddy. I guess they thought that would soften the blow??

Nick, that is the question of the day. How is burning not desecration, but choppin is. I just don't know. I told my hubs and kids to cremate me and keep the extra cash that saved. Of course now that you're going to shoot me at Bon Jovi, the plan is even better. But I'll tell my family to have a plan B ready in case you don't outlive me. Which statistically speaking, you won't because you are in full time ministry...with teenagers. You're kind don't live very long, I'm just sayin...

Marni, I was an English minor. Some of the faux pas I have made make me seem more like an English miner, like my daddy was a coal miner in the Old Country. Sometimes I just can't dig up the correct word or spelling.

And I didn't think that you thought desecrated corpses were funny. I understood you to mean the very idea that ten years later someone says "SHEBANG! THAT CASKET WAS SEVEN INCHES SHORTER THAN IT NEEDED TO BE!" was wgat was funny.

Is your life-insurance money burning a hole in your pocket?Well, stoke the fires with this great sale on cremation!This deal is HOT HOT HOT! Come in quick before all the savings just burn away!Don't let this sale become dust in the wind! Act now to make sure that your future's sealed up tight!

Good News everyone! If you google "pornographic cheese butler", the only two sites that come up are "Hey Look, A Chicken", and this one! I wonder if blogger can stand all that traffic going to only two sites!