Somewhere along the line Wendy’s, which used to be the “less diarrhea for your dollar” fast food staple, decided to take the Jerry Springer approach to the culinary arts by adding such haute cuisine to the menu as the Chili Frito Bowl, and The Baconator – a cheeseburger with six strips of bacon, jalapenos, and a pregnant daughter to support.

So imagine my surprise when I check the bank account the other day and see a charge from Wendy’s on there. I knew it wasn’t me, as typically I do my blacking out at night from all the drinking and maudlin sobbing, or just that strangely satisfying post strangled-hooker exhaustion. I texted the girlfriend the following:

Me: Aw…my poor girl. Wendy’s?

The Girlfriend: It was the popular vote.

Me: How was the Frito Trough? Did you get a side of Chili Bacon and a Ranch Shake?

The Girlfriend: I had chicken nuggets and a salad you jerk.

Me: Did you get the Cheeto and Mayonaisse Salad? That shits be delicious.

The Girlfriend: I’m on my way home, ass.

Me: ARE YOU ON THE FRITO BACON SPICEBLASTER BUS?!

Needless to say, I’m single now. Anybody up for some hot, sexy, steamy verbal abuse?