You’re such a girl!

It’s true. I am such a girl. For years, when I was younger and more able to compete with my peers, I tried to blend with the guys. I employed my physical prowess like them (as much as possible), I communicated like them (as much as possible), I partied like them (as much as possible), well…you catch my drift. I was an early post-modern male/female amalgam. Not exactly a crossover, or androgynous, but, more…someone who sees life from both gender aspects without having to adopt either or an adrogynous affect.

What happens to us if we see life from both the male and female perspectives? Huh. I see it like this. No gender. Just human. Perhaps this is just too simplistic for most of us. And, for many, even thinking like this is an abomination.

Is there a generous and thoughtful simplicity to a sentient being that allows us to avoid gender orientation and definition through a discriminating lens? Not likely, in my experience. But, maybe, if we see ourselves as animals (as we call them). I was reminded of how humans discern the human v. the other-than-human world today. I guess that’s why and how I found this old draft of a post (from March 7, 2012), and revived it just now.

A friend asked me today why he makes a differentiation between feeling “loss” of roadkill when the dead animal seems to be a well-groomed pet versus a sense of “no loss” when he sees what looks to be a stray or a wild animal. He asked why he has pangs of loss for the perceived pets, but none when the dead is wild or stray. He was also wondering why it’s so easy to kill cockroaches, but not an animal of a “higher” order. In response, I went on and on about my spiritual orientation to insects, mammals, humans, how humans tend to adore beauty (pets v. strays), and the All and the Everything. Yada yada. I went ON. Of all the work I did today for school (I’m in a PhD program with an inquiry in thanatology – the study of dying, death, and grief), this was my most fun response because it came from my heart through all of my senses and my spiritual orientation.

I have often been accused of being “such a girl” by my family and friends. Is that a condemnation of some kind? Is there something about valuing gender or species that I’m just not getting? I don’t think so. I would propose that those who value one gender over another, one species over another, or one philosophy or religion over another are missing the point.

We’re all in this life thing together. Equally valuable and precious. Plants, animals, humans, dirt, rocks…mysterious and connected. At the moment, I’m liking my “girl” designation. It gives me a way to see difference as something that highlights other ways of seeing the world. Though I feel I can address many perspectives from a perceived knowing, I can’t really. I am such a girl.

Song for the night: Grand Canyon Sunset, Paul Winter. Question: what would be the sound of the wilderness, the desert, the mountaintops, the beaches, and the rivers if there were no insects, mammals, birds, fish, the blowing winds, the shifting sands, and the rustling leaves? What if there were no conversations from the different perspectives of men and women? Dull. Still. Vacuous.

Welcome to a blog I never wanted to write…

Reading the page below entitled, "Mystery O. Riley" will give you some background, and if you find our mystery something you'd like to follow, please come back often. Losing our 20-year-old son isn't the way it's supposed to be, as we always hear people say. But, for some of us, it is the way it is. And, there's nothing to do, but find a path on this unthinkable road, through an unimaginable forest of grief, and in our case...an unforgiveable river of mystery.