Pieces of Wisdom: Your Five

Marvin gets up two hours before I do. Tallulah stays right in bed with me, with her head on my neck, as she is not a morning person. Edsel, however, bounds right up and begins following Marvin like he's interesting.

Now, Marvin does let him out right away, but the thing is, he does not go out WITH Edsel ("Too cold," says Marvin) and I have the feeling that Edsel often sniffs around and plays and does not, you know, lay some cable or whatever. The REASON I have this feeling, and call me Angela Lansbury, is because I get up and find a lovely log in the back room many mornings.

Marvin and I have discussed this ad nauseum. We have placed a picturesque and trendy orange tarp on the place Edsel goes back there. You'll find this look in the latest designer magazines. It's quite welcoming.

This morning I heard Marvin go into the bathroom and Edsel clicking and making puppy noises. "He's wandering around," I warned Marvin.

"You can clean it when you get up," he said, shutting the door.

Marvin's funeral is on Saturday. His body has been donated to science, as they wanted to examine his gall. Also, I have already been found not guilty by a jury of other puppy owners.

Which leads me to today's Pieces of Wisdom topic. Let's say you could, you know, Do It with any five celebrities who were not your Internet microcelebrity husband who may or may not be annoying. Who would they be?

This idea originated with the show Friends, because they all discussed once which celebrities they'd sleep with and then in real life they all of course went out and did so. This will probably not happen to any of us.

Send me your list of five, and tomorrow I will list the most interesting or the ones I see the most often. For example, I know I will hear so many, "I just have to have that Sebastian Cabot." Also, you all know Faithful Reader Siren likes for me to show the erase board on Wednesday, so could someone say they want to sleep with the erase board?

Without further ado, because I just DID my hair, here are my five:

Barry Gibb in 1979. Yes, you're totally allowed to go back in time. And shut up about Barry Gibb.

Jude Law. Why doesn't he call me?

John Hamm from Mad Men. Hello.

JFK Jr. in 1993 — although this photo is not from 1993. I just wanted to show you he even looks hot with a shark tooth necklace.

I’m late, but I gotta comment..
1. Viggo Mortensen. There was a time when a bathtub full of hot water, dim lights, and Viggo was all I needed.
2. Shemar Moore. Have you ladies SEEN him!? Holy moly!
3. Barack Obama. Sorry Michelle, I think you’re husband is hot with his 200 kilowatt smile (and you’re not so bad yourself).
4. Sayid Jarrah. I know he was a character on Lost, but I just squirmed in my seat every time he smoldered onto the screen.
5. An Al Pacino/Andy Garcia swirl.

Harry Connick, Jr.
Andy Garcia
Shemar Moore
Antonio Banderas
Mark Harmon
The husband knows about this list and agrees to vacate the premises if any of the above should happen to knock on my front door…

Anita, let’s you and I make a deal: I get him Monday, Wednesday and Friday. You get him Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday and he gets Sunday to recover. And the Audi is definitely part of the package.
Deal?

Okay I know you all have been staying up wondering “When is The Chief going to post the rest of her list?!?” So here I am and then you can go to bed.
The remaining spots on my top 5 would go to: Salma Hayek and Rachel Weisz (who I can’t believe I almost forgot because she might actually beat out Meryl for the very top spot).
Honorable mention to: Claudia Christian (who would probably make the top 5 if I could have her as Ivanova), Queen Latifah, Reese Witherspoon, Jacqueline Kim (fell in love with her as Lao Ma on Xena), Laura Linney, and Mary-Louise Parker.

BEN AFFLECK!
Jesse Williams. YES!
I cannot look at Harry Connick, Jr. anymore without seeing him as his serial killer persona from the movie CopyCat. He had bad teeth and pock marks and a lobotomy haircut. I used to love him but it ruined it for me. I can still listen to him, just not look at him.

Um, Leah? If Brett Favre is “old” to you then Sean Connery must be ancient.
June ~ Have you ever done a poll to find out the average age of your faithful readers? Based on today’s post, I am feeling a little more than middle aged.

and in the even the afformentioned five shall be unable to complete their duties as the fantasy five, the following five runners-up shall assume those spaces:
1. david lee roth- timetravel back to 1984
2. robert downey jr.- cuz i wanna save him
3. david keith- the other guy in “an officer and a gentleman”
4. ben affleck/matt damon- sold individually
5. owen wilson- but if we break up i don’t him getting all siocide-y

I’m late to the party, but here’s my list:
1. Mark Harmon, although it took me 20 years to get over that Ted Bundy movie.
2. Howie Long…oh my gosh, Howie Long!
3. Prince Charles, but really just to get a tiara out of the deal.
4. Matt Damon, but only if we get to role-play a “Jason Bourne” scene
5. Ernest Borgnine…he’s hilarious!

Lee, he just opened his mouth when he should not have. But my venom eyes got him to zip it.
Kelly, I can share Frank with you but I will not give him up. His husky voice, sexy accent, magnificent body and ooooh, his Audi all makes me well, you know.

SO I was trying to post for almost two hours and for some reason, my post button was not working. I could not acknowledge that I stand corrected on my assertion that Antonio Banderas and Kim Basinger were never married. Huh.
Drove me batty to not be able to post. Obsess much? Jeez!

I am not going to put a lot of thought into this – just wingin’ it here:
1. George Clooney
2. Paul Newman 60s or 70s version (era, not age! Although he wasn’t too shabby even at the end . . .)
3. Robert Redford – The Way We Were version
4. Cary Grant – almost any version, but particularly the “An Affair to Rememeber” version but probably not the LSD-taking version.
5. hmmmm, someone cute AND funny. Drawing a blank for number five. Taking auditions . . .
5.

I am not going to put a lot of thought into this – just wingin’ it here:
1. George Clooney
2. Paul Newman 60s or 70s version (era, not age! Although he wasn’t too shabby even at the end . . .)
3. Robert Redford – The Way We Were version
4. Cary Grant – almost any version, but particularly the “An Affair to Rememeber” version but probably not the LSD-taking version.
5. hmmmm, someone cute AND funny. Drawing a blank for number five. Taking auditions . . .
5.

I am not going to put a lot of thought into this – just wingin’ it here:
1. George Clooney
2. Paul Newman 60s or 70s version (era, not age! Although he wasn’t too shabby even at the end . . .)
3. Robert Redford – The Way We Were version
4. Cary Grant – almost any version, but particularly the “An Affair to Rememeber” version but probably not the LSD-taking version.
5. hmmmm, someone cute AND funny. Drawing a blank for number five. Taking auditions . . .
5.

Yes. Bruce Springsteen. Even now, at 60 the man has pecs carved from stone and can do a backbend all the way to the stage floor from his microphone. I have seen him do it many a time. He is one flexible, yummy man.

Now see, I would like to have Johnny Depp come over and, I don’t know, paint my house? Mow my lawn? But I don’t want him to TALK (because, OMG, painful with the agony over choosing every exact word) or smoke. And Robert Pattinson I would just like have hang around like a piece of art, again, not smoking (ew). I just want to look at them. But my five still stand.

Now see, I would like to have Johnny Depp come over and, I don’t know, paint my house? Mow my lawn? But I don’t want him to TALK (because, OMG, painful with the agony over choosing every exact word) or smoke. And Robert Pattinson I would just like have hang around like a piece of art, again, not smoking (ew). I just want to look at them. But my five still stand.

Now see, I would like to have Johnny Depp come over and, I don’t know, paint my house? Mow my lawn? But I don’t want him to TALK (because, OMG, painful with the agony over choosing every exact word) or smoke. And Robert Pattinson I would just like have hang around like a piece of art, again, not smoking (ew). I just want to look at them. But my five still stand.