Wes Welker responds to suspension news, uses LOUD writing voice

You know how on the internet when someone types in CAPS they are either:

Really, really serious

Really, really loud

On amphetamines

Well, guess what? Wes Welker is all three. He emailed the Denver Post tonight to defend himself after a four-game suspension.

Here's my favorite part of Welker's email:

I'm as shocked as everyone at todays news. I want to make one thing abundantly clear: I would NEVER knowingly take a substance to gain a competitive advantage in any way. Anyone who has ever played a down with me, lifted a weight with me, even eaten a meal with me, knows that I focus purely on what I put in my body and on the hard work I put in year round to perform at the highest levels year-in and year-out.

If I had a dime for every time an athlete used this excuse (most recently, choirboy sprinter Tyson Gay), I'd be as rich as--well, Wes Welker, that's who.

But Welker wasn't done using CAPS yet. Then he fired this one off, in the interest of protecting the children:

I want any youth football players and all sports fans to know, there are NO shortcuts to success, and nothing but hard work and studying, leads to success.

Do you hear that, kids? Don't knowingly take a substance as a shortcut. In other words, tell them not to tell you what they are putting in your body. Then you won't really be lying.

Welker then gives us the impression that this PED thing is just another obstacle like he faces on the football field:

I have worked my whole life to be the best that I can be, and I have encountered many obstacles over my career, and THIS WILL BE NO DIFFERENT!

Finally, Welker appeals to the patriotism of Broncos fans and their goodwill towards Pat Bowlen:

Thank you for the outpouring of support, and I want Bronco nation to know, that no one and no thing will get in the way of our goal as a team, to bring Mr. Bowlen the trophy he and this great region deserve.

All in all, Welker does a great job of denying, deflecting, and distracting. Whoever is advising him about public relations is doing a bang-up job.

But here's the thing? Four games from now, nobody is going to care. That's the reality.

Not the responses I would have thought about a bronco player who so far has done nothing but put is body on the line for the enjoyment of all bronco fans.

Who has never IIRC ever had an issue with any drugs, behavior issues in his career.

A guy that was cut twice by teams that either did not value his talent or were flat stupid. Someone that has busted his butt to become perhaps the goat of slot receivers. Being a workout out warrior both on the field and in the locker room.

Because there are a lot of other skells in professional sports and entertainment, it is so unbelievable to see righteous indignation in his commentary that he MUST BE GUILTY.

Posted by Lonestar47 on 2014-09-04 11:28:20

RETIRE BEFORE YOU FEEL STONED ALL THE TIME!!!!

Posted by toomanyrappers on 2014-09-03 14:57:12

In his official CAPS LOCK crazed post I saw, he seemed to only deny taking anything performance enhancing. Although he did get quoted from reporters as having said he didn't know where to buy drugs and claimed he may have been roofied, lol.

Posted by knoepke84 on 2014-09-03 12:45:52

Robinson is out a couple weeks with the knee injury, no?

Posted by Uncle Rico on 2014-09-03 12:25:45

Apparently the vast majority of people taking Molly are actually ingesting a variety other synthetic chemicals. The DEA says only 13% of the Molly they confiscated over the last four years contains any MDMA whatsoever.

Posted by Yahmule on 2014-09-03 10:43:09

I believe the plan with the concussion was to move Sanders inside and Caldwell moves up a notch on the outside, presumably this would be no different.

Posted by Hercules_Rockefeller on 2014-09-03 09:52:43

I'll echo the sentiment of others: probably a blessing in disguise considering yet another concussion in such a short time frame.

I believe last year the Broncos played Tamme in the slot when Welker was out with a concussion. Will they do that again? Or will Sanders move to the slot and Caldwell will play on the outside? Anyone have any insight? I seem to remember Tamme doing a serviceable job in the slot, or maybe that's just how I want to remember it.

Posted by Hank Mardukis on 2014-09-03 09:27:56

He does actually. He says he won't smoke dope or take Molly or put anything else in his body. He says he wouldn't know where to get Molly.

Posted by BillW on 2014-09-03 09:09:00

You are missing the point Doug. He is referring to his Molly dealer stating that it was pure MDMA. Instead it was cut with speed. It's a SAD day when you can't trust your drug dealer...

Posted by BRASO on 2014-09-03 08:57:28

WHATEVER DUDE JUST BE MORE CAREFUL NEXT TIME.

Posted by ohiobronco on 2014-09-03 08:53:24

This is just pathetic. Wes, you let your team down during a Super Bowl run in one of Manning's final years. Take some responsibility for your actions and stop acting like such a jackass.

Posted by AldenBrown on 2014-09-03 08:18:55

I wonder who we can promote to fill Welker's roster spot while he's on suspension. Robinson comes to mind.

Posted by colinski2 on 2014-09-03 04:58:52

Maybe he can see the end in sight and he panicked.

Posted by Yahmule on 2014-09-03 01:11:35

Thanks for this, Dude. An appropriate level of condescension in my opinion.

I had basically stopped counting on Welker for this year after the concussion against Houston anyway. So a four game suspension seems like a blessing in disguise, to get his head right. Any production from him this year will be a bonus.

I'm not criticising him; I probably party harder than he does a lot of the time. I just hope he keeps that stuff away from Mr. Miller (who I am counting on).

Posted by VonSwenson on 2014-09-03 01:00:08

F*ck yeah 'Merica

Posted by Laces Out on 2014-09-03 00:54:16

Welker: I TESTED POSITIVE FOR HAVING A GOOD TIME!!! I'M NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE A GOOD TIME!?!? I THOUGHT HIS WAS AMURICA, HUH, ISN'T THIS AMURICA, I'M SORRY I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMURICA!

Posted by Lance Baxter on 2014-09-03 00:39:38

He said he would never take something to gain an edge...he doesn't say he wouldn't take something to get hammered.