The Great ABDL Boyfriend Quest

A while ago I asked myself a question: why can't I be together with one of those gorgeous tumblr diaper boys I see on the web?
Why must I always come back to something which seems impossible to reach, a fantasy?

I tend not to give myself compliments easily as a way of life, But still- I am a good looking, articulate, very talented and articulate person with a huge potential for love and kindness towards others. Yet I am alone. I hate my waking life. I used to believe I am capable of great happiness, that I am entitled to great happiness.

Well- today I finally made a decision: despite some threads I saw warning the reader from fixating on an ABDL relationships, I am going to find an ABDL boyfriend in the UK. Sometime in upcoming year or so, I am going to fly to an actual foreign country, in search for a romantic partner.

I've chosen the UK for several reasons:
I adore the English language, the English accent(s), and the English culture in general. England has more ABDL's than Israel. England is a more classical-music-friendly country than Israel, so I might even study/move there eventually.
I even have relatives there that will let me stay at their house.

I've also decided that since this is a very long shot, I am not going make any compromises on choosing the right person.

I am looking for:
Someone aged 19-23 who is a attractive, young-looking, very intelligent and with a kind and gentle heart. Should have a healthy sense of humor.
He must be able to at least listen to Classical music with some degree of caring for it, if not love it himself.
Should be able to share sexual-ABDL feelings, but not be overly obsessed with ABDL paraphernalia.If you like to occasionally mess yourself, that's a bonus!

So at first I suppose I'll be browsing online profiles, searching for attractive, intelligent, and kind people. I will chat with some of them, and eventually even videochat.

At some point I will probably come across someone who will be THAT special and un-probable that I will actually fly just to see him in person.

So umm....... Help?
How do I go about doing something like this?
Since I am not crazy rich, flights are not a thing to be taken lightly at all, not to mention logistics etc'..

Do any of you have any wise advice to give? Any advice whatsoever. I'm keen to know what people think about this kind of bold declaration. "You're naive", "You're young...", "Nice thought but..."

It's just that this is first idea in a long time that I genuinely believe can give me real motivation to live. Hint- I don't have much.

Hi some1, who's to say that you wouldn't find a perfectly happy ideal relationship this way.... it could happen, but I think the odds are pretty long.

Having said that, the adventure sounds an exciting one. Honestly though, don't head off on this pursuit if your feeling desperate, because you may find yourself even lower than you could imagine.

I've never established an online relationship ( never had to thankfully) but I imagine there would be some merit to it in your case.

Also, try not to focus too much on the fantasy relationship, as romantic a notion as that sounds. In reality, if you find someone who loves you genuinely, they will accept the more interesting aspects of your nature.

BTW I linked to your intro .... There seems a lot of joy in the things that inspire you...don't lose that. On a side note I remember having no end of fun when I was a kid twirling round and round to the waltz of the flowers.

How do I go about doing something like this?
Since I am not crazy rich, flights are not a thing to be taken lightly at all, not to mention logistics etc'..

Do any of you have any wise advice to give? Any advice whatsoever. I'm keen to know what people think about this kind of bold declaration. "You're naive", "You're young...", "Nice thought but..."

It's just that this is first idea in a long time that I genuinely believe can give me real motivation to live. Hint- I don't have much.

Honestly I'm slightly sceptical... I don't want to take away your motivation to live, but ABDL + ABDL dating is (based on what I've seen and learned from older members of the community) can be a very tricky thing.

I think in any time we're single and looking for a partner we start out with a ideal description in our heads and go looking for someone a bit like that.... and then generally we find someone who is a bit like what we wanted, but in other ways not at all what we expected, and they can turn out great even so. A relationship is probably doomed if you feel like your partner is missing something vital, but fixating on a "specification" you can find their other qualities fulfil you with out the need for it.

So, as everyone knows relationships are all about compromise

As a gay ABDL you're in a relatively fortunate position, there's a fairly wide pool of Gay/Bi AB boys to choose from.

However it seems to be the case that ABDL + ABDL relationships break up more than ABDL + understanding non-ABDL ones do - this is ABDL folk wisdom and it may be wrong - but if it is true perhaps people are compromising too much in other areas to be with a fellow AB? When they could find a non-ABDL match who's perfect for them in other ways.

It might be fun to be with a fellow ABDL for a while (I may be 26, but some people reckon I'm cute and young looking; occasional messing but not obsessed with paraphernalia is my ABDL life to a tee; I'm also ginger, think tights are lovely and have an overshadowing sense of shame in my life...) but if we got together... well I do like a tune with a catchy lyric that isn't in Italian or German (plus I can't vouch for the intelligence thing... and my heart is made of ice and knives ) so it might not last once the thrill of having someone to be diapered with had worn off.

I'm not saying you'll never find the right match amongst ABDLs, but maybe there's a fellow classical musician out there that can share that passion in your life, and will also accept and love your ABDL side.

OTH I think going international with your search for a relationship absolutely makes sense - I think everyone should do it, not just ABDLs. We have a European Single Market - come on people! European Single Dating Pool!

If you can go back in time, I'm available in 1971. Short of that, you might find someone on this site. There are younger members looking for meet-ups. We are a small percentage of the population, so it is very difficult, but when I was in college, I lived an exclusively gay lifestyle, and I loved diapers and using them. They're out there!

I almost fit the bill except for the fact that I live in middle Mississippi and similarly flying is expensive. Good luck looking for the right guy though but don't get your hopes up often when you look for a type you find it but you realize later it isn't what you really wanted.

You ask for a lot of rare boxes to be checked in a potential partner before even getting to the basic questions of whether the person is compatible with you personality-wise and whether they are up to par in practical real life aspects. Frankly, those are the more important aspects - ABDLs can be perfectly happy in relationships with non-ABDLs, but you're not going to have a stable relationship with someone who isn't compatible with you or can't maintain a stable life.

Relationships involve some amount of give and take, and you're asking for the moon here - you should count yourself very lucky if you find someone who only meets much of your criteria.

There are ABDLs everywhere, and if finding an ABDL is a requirement for a relationship, that can be done in the UK or Israel. Picking up your life and flying to another country without much more plan than "find a relationship" is not a particularly practical action plan. This isn't to dismiss the notion of dating internationally - I'm in an international relationship myself, after all - but to say that flying to another country on limited resources and without a job lined up is a recipe for disaster. There is more to life than finding a partner.

Finding an ABDL mate is going to be difficult. Finding a good mate is difficult, period. I think you'd do yourself some good by setting your expectations a bit lower, and start by simply looking for and getting involved in the local ABDL community. Look for friends first and then look for relationships as good prospects come of that.

If you were a boy, I would suggest that you reconsider looking exclusively for an abdl. Lucky for you, you are not. With the male to female adbl ratio skewed so far in your favor, combined with your skills set, I honestly think you will have no problem finding people to attempt a relationship with. If you aren't doing this already, my advice would be to do the bulk of the scouting on Fetlife. Not a perfect site, but it's the best one out there right now for this type of an adventure. Good luck!

Thanks for the replies everyone. They ALL move me. This is significant decision for me, I can feel it. a I know I haven't replied to you all. I will address some important issues that came up:

Originally Posted by ozbub

Honestly though, don't head off on this pursuit if your feeling desperate, because you may find yourself even lower than you could imagine.

try not to focus too much on the fantasy relationship, as romantic a notion as that sounds. In reality, if you find someone who loves you genuinely, they will accept the more interesting aspects of your nature.
BTW I linked to your intro .... There seems a lot of joy in the things that inspire you...don't lose that. On a side note I remember having no end of fun when I was a kid twirling round and round to the waltz of the flowers.

That's the thing- I'm not feeling desperate, I just feel very purposeful. It's a fine line. Having said that, I am also trying to approach this from a very logical standpoint, as a series of good decisions that happen to be interconnected: I figured really want to enroll in a good UK-based music school to start a career. I've always admired the Classical scene in Britain, and my dream is to work with a top professional British orchestra. If you knew me in person, you would realize that there is no reason why it shouldn't happen.
Hopefully I won't confuse myself with my awful tendency to produce neat little fateful liturgies out of my life.
10 point to the dancing diapered gentleman!

Originally Posted by dogboy

If you can go back in time, I'm available in 1971. Short of that, you might find someone on this site.

Dogboy, we meet again. I remember you from other threads I've started as well as commented on here.
I've actually already given it a bit of thought: reading how a person expresses himself can teach a whole lot about the person himself. Also, this kind of site tends to attract more intelligent and like-minded people, being a text-based experience. Thanks for being helpful!

Originally Posted by MsClaraRiddle

ABDL + ABDL dating can be a very tricky thing.
I think in any time we're single and looking for a partner we start out with a ideal description in our heads and go looking for someone a bit like that.... and then generally we find someone who is a bit like what we wanted, but in other ways not at all what we expected, and they can turn out great even so. A relationship is probably doomed if you feel like your partner is missing something vital, but fixating on a "specification" you can find their other qualities fulfil you with out the need for it.
... it might not last once the thrill of having someone to be diapered with had worn off.
I'm not saying you'll never find the right match amongst ABDLs, but maybe there's a fellow classical musician out there that can share that passion in your life, and will also accept and love your ABDL side.

I am VERY aware of this, partly due to past experiences. That's why I set my expectations very high, so there's less of a chance I'd run into a relationship-stopping missing specification. I do allow for some leeway, I will engage in online conversations/video chats with people long before meeting them. I hope I can minimize the amount of such unforeseen crucial details. Is this really foolish of me to assume? (I'm really asking.) I am going to be very patient with talking to people.

Originally Posted by Fruitkitty

I think you'd do yourself some good by setting your expectations a bit lower, and start by simply looking for and getting involved in the local ABDL community. Look for friends first and then look for relationships as good prospects come of that.

I think that setting low expectations is what started a downward spiral in my pursuit of romance. I am sick of setting my expectations low, because it affects every aspect of my life. I need to make this mindset switch to turn my life into something I want to live.

Unfortunately, the Israeli ABDL community isn't very developed, not mention intelligent... However your post DID give me an idea- trying to get to know ABDL communities by contacting people who are already in a relationship, which eliminates the romantic stress out of making the acquaintance. Those people, having already found their special one, might have a very good grasp of that local community. Thanks for giving me that idea!

Originally Posted by cr5311

If you were a boy, I would suggest that you reconsider looking exclusively for an abdl. [...] my advice would be to do the bulk of the scouting on Fetlife. Not a perfect site[...]

Actually, I am a boy, but a gay one. So I guess more diaper girls for you! EHehe...
Seriously though- I am on fetlife already (some1235), but I've never seriously looked for UK based abdl's, just went through the Israeli users of all kinds.
BROTIP-Fetlife ASL search is a great tool to get around... just saying

Actually, I am a boy, but a gay one. So I guess more diaper girls for you! EHehe...
Seriously though- I am on fetlife already (some1235), but I've never seriously looked for UK based abdl's, just went through the Israeli users of all kinds.
BROTIP-Fetlife ASL search is a great tool to get around... just saying

some1

My bad, I missed that one (despite it being stated clearly in your post). That brings your odds down some, but not a ton. I think the pool of gay male single abdls is bigger than that of straight female single abdls. Let us know how it all goes. Oh, and thanks for the BROTIP.