Nation Shocked As President Implements Campaign Promises

WASHINGTON–The citizens of the United States expressed collective shock this past week as President Trump, the man they voted into office, issued executive orders doing all of the things he had explicitly promised to do while on the campaign trail.

“I said I was going to do all of these awful things, and believe me, I am a man of my word. I have the best words, therefore I am the best man,” said President Trump to a room full of reporters respectfully listening as they sat chained to their seats with their mouths taped shut. “We are going to do all of the things I said we were going to do, which is why we won so bigly.”

Civilians all across the country were in a state of disbelief and anger as the news headlines about President Trump’s executive order on immigration trickled in.

“I mean he campaigned on banning all Muslims, but I never thought he would actually go through with it,” said local florist Martia Bennett, a noted Jill Stein supporter during the 2016 election who previously equated Hillary Clinton with Donald Trump. “What kind of man runs on such a platform and then actually implements it once elected?”

Even many people who voted for Trump were skeptical of the President’s policies.

“I remember I was down there at one of them Trump rallies and he was yellin’ about repealin’ Obamacare, and I thought he was a man of the people, he really knows how that dictator Obama hurts real Americans,” said Chris Cook, a local mechanic and Trump voter, in reference to President Obama’s legislation providing healthcare to millions of previously uninsured Americans. “But then I realized that Obamacare was just a sneaky name for the Affordable Care Act, and now my doctor ain’t see me no more. I need my health, ya hear? I think Donald may have lied to us, but he did say he wouldn’t lie to us. I just don’t understand why he would say he was going to get rid of Obama but got rid of my healthcare instead.”

At press time, nonvoters around the country were wondering what they could have done to prevent this.