Bring Your Boldest Self To Your Biggest Challenges

As I was recently reading Amy Cuddy’s book, Presence: Bring Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges it struck me (again) how much adults with ADHD benefit from learning to be present in the critical moments of their lives. I also know just how hard it is for ADHD Adults to do so…

But, while learning to be present may not come easily, because it can really enrich our lives in many ways, some of which I explore below, I think it is worth the time and effort to do so. You may also come to the same conclusion as you read on.

And, while there is much to take away from Cuddy’s book, since I am writing for you, an Adult with ADHD, I focus on how learning to be present can help you manage your ADHD symptoms in an effort meet life’s big and small challenges.

Ready to dig in?

What It Means To Be Present

When you think of being present I’m sure many of you conjure up an image of sitting Buddha-like, chanting “Om,” trying to achieve a mind like water. And, as you are laughing at the thought of attempting this, you are likely also thinking, “There is no way I can do that!”

I get it. And that is definitely not what I am suggesting you learn how to do. The presence I’m referring to is, as Cuddy defines it:

“…the state of being attuned to and able to comfortably express our true thoughts, feelings, values and potential.”

In everyday life this includes those moments you are confidently and authentically:

interacting in an interview.

socializing at an event.

making a presentation at work.

having an earnest conversation with your spouse / child / friend.

And you can only do this when you embody yourbest self so you can focuson the impression you are making on yourself, not on the impression you are making on others.

Knowing and Owning Your Story Can Help You Be Present

One of the ways to bring your best self to your everyday life, as well as to your small and big challenges, is to know, express and act on the story you tell yourself about who you are when you are at your best.

This is the story about the:

values that are most important to you.

traits you have that you hold in high regard.

strengths you want to nurture.

Telling yourself this story before a challenge, like the ones I mentioned above, helps reduce your anxiety about any anticipated social rejection and increase your openness to others, which will help you be present.

Nice, right?

And, what is even better is the components of your story — values, traits and strengths — do not need to be related to the immediate challenge you are facing. Just being grounded in who are you are when you are at your best will help you feel better about yourself.

Then you are more likely to stop worrying, at least in that moment, about the impression you are making on others and increase your ability to be present.

How To Create Your Story

To create your story reflect on and, perhaps, write out answers to the questions below:

What three words best describe you as an individual?

What is unique about you that leads to your happiest times and best performance?

Reflect on a specific time—at work or at home—when you were acting in a way that felt “natural” and “right.”

How can you repeat that behavior today?

What are your signature strengths and how can you use them?

Once you know your story you can express and act on it.

Not sure if t will work? As the saying goes, “You have to try it to believe it.”

How Your ADHD Symptoms Make it Hard to Be Present

While reflecting on your story before critical challenges can help you be present, to focus and attend better in the moment you will also likely need to work on managing your ADHD symptoms, such as:

being impulsive — saying or doing whatever first comes to mind when that may not necessarily be a reflection of your best self.

To get an idea of some of the workarounds you can use to manage some of these challenges click on the links above. Then read on for some more tips below.

4 Techniques You Can Use To Manage Your ADHD Symptoms And Be More Present

While a few of the strategies below are probably familiar to you, you may not be using them now. And one of the strategies may really surprise you.

1. Be Prepared

Yes, you already know being prepared will help decrease your anxiety. But are you doing enough? Whether it is a talk, interview or some other challenge you can prepare for, being ready will not only reduce your anxiety, but also enhance your ability to be present.

Of course, too much planning can get in the way of being present, right? So, at some point you need to stop preparing and focus on getting grounded enough to be present. To be sure, it is a careful balance between preparing and knowing when good enough is, well, good enough.

2. Breathe Deeply

This one, breathing deeply, you’ve probably also heard about before. But have you tried it?

Pay attention to what happens in your body the next time you are facing a challenging situation. Then try breathing deeply. What happens to your feelings of anxiety? They dissipate a bit, right?

This happens because what we do with our body can affect our feelings and cause emotions. So, you can feel better when you practice deep breathing before challenging moments even though the situation has not changed. And you are also able to be more present.

Try it this week and see what happens.

3. Power Posing Your Way To Presence

Now you may be as surprised by this tip as I was when I first read about it. But it really works!

When you pose in powerless ways —— hands clutched, legs crossed, hunched over — you are not present and sharing your best self. Rather, you are making yourself small.

But when you expand your body — power pose — you can feel powerful and present, as Cuddy notes:

“Carrying yourself in a powerful way directs your feelings, thoughts, behaviors, and body to feel powerful and be present (and even perform better) in situations ranging from the mundane to the most challenging.”

So, before a challenging encounter this week, duck into a room and pose like Wonder Woman or Superman. And, if you are interested, check out more about power poses you can use in your everyday life.

Give it a try today.

4. Speak Slowly

You may also have a hard time being present because you have too many ideas swirling about in your head. And, because you have a difficult time organizing them and are afraid you might forget them, you talk too fast. Then you get that look from people that says, “What are you talking about?!”

Speaking slowly and organizing your thoughts in the moment, though it may not come easily for you, is one of the workarounds for this. Just like the power poses, when you speak slowly you will feel more powerful, confident and effective.

At the same time you have to feel deserving of the time and not be afraid to pause. That is you have to feel powerful enough to “take up social space” by speaking slowly.

Questions For You

Where would you like to be more present today? What strategy will you use to do so?

I've never felt as hopeful as I am now. Marla's reassuring voice and straightforward manner helped me to internalize a consistent approach to each problem.
Before I was frazzled, couldn't do what I needed to do and felt like a fraud professionally. When things weren't working before I saw it as a personal failing. We figured out what I needed to do. And now stuff is not falling through my fingers and I'm not surprised by things that come up professionally.
Every accomplishment felt reinforcing. I remind myself when I have organizational challenges now that it is my neurobiology, not me! I don't see myself as defective and am not ashamed anymore. I just think about the next step I need to do to figure it out.

— Deborah, Psychologist

Marla has an excellent understanding of ADHD and a great knowledge base of related topics. She was able to expertly guide me through decisions I needed to make and helped me tackle big and small things I needed to do.
Knowing I had adhd was only 25% of the battle for me. I’m so glad that I chose to stay committed to coaching. Now that I have more self awareness about myself and my adhd I trust myself to get what I need done. I don’t try to do too much anymore and when I’ve done all I can on my own I’m more willing to reach out for support. My production is way higher than I expected, but I’m also way less stressed and that makes it easier on a personal level at home too.

— A.V., Vice President - Investment Sales

What I gained from working with Marla was invaluable. Marla was consistently supportive, positive and uncritical. I learned to honor the way I work best, and am more accepting of my ADD and other characteristics. Now I ask myself, how can I get what I need to get done without running against my own personality? After learning more about ADD from Marla, I don’t think of my challenges as a personal weakness. This change in my thinking allows me to better handle my challenges by thinking of strategies to manage them, rather than engaging in self blame!
Yes, cost was definitely a factor when I decided to work with Marla, but I knew that this is what good professionals charge. Being able to make choicesthat are rightfor me and learn strategiesthat last a life timeis invaluableto me. The investment was certainly worth it.
From working with Marla, I learned a lot about goal setting, meeting objectives, and doing that as a person with ADD.
If you are stuck or frustrated, I would certainly hire Marla as a coach.

— C.O., Financial Manager

Before working with Marla I got by by winging it but I was not keeping up with the flow of information and I wasn’t managing my time productively. I was often reactive and overwhelmed. I didn’t even think I could be productive…
Identifying where and why I was having struggles and having a person to help me through those was the most helpful. Marla is non-judgemental so when something didn’t go as expected, I felt OK talking to her about it and exploring different options to try. She is a very good listener and is able to give helpful insights and suggestions. I truly enjoy our conversations.
The outcome that I appreciate the most is that I feel more in control. Before there was always something I was forgetting to do or follow-up on. Now I think I have much better handle on things. Also, I am able to focus more time on longer term projects so they don’t become a complete crisis when getting close to the due dates. This has eliminated the last minute rush that used to happen all the time. I am also just calmer.
When I started to work with Marla I was at a point in my life that I was not satisfied with how my life was going. I wish I had done this earlier!

— M.P., Controller

Coaching with Marla was very useful, and also essential. I do not know what I would have done w/o the Sunday night periods of going over the past week, looking forward to the next week, and making a plan. The actual phone check ins on Tuesdays…crucial, to help me get clear, as well as for the simple act of accountability.
Marla served as a focal point (as in, ‘oh, yeah, this was what I was doing’), and–at times–as an anchor that grounded things. I can not imagine having had to go through the past 6 months w.o. someone ‘outside’ me, and my life, to help me stay the course.
Now, I feel more confident in my abilities, in what I have to offer. I realize I do have options. How freeing! Lastly, but certainly not least, I have a very, very clear sense of my values, and I am using those to guide me, and that helps me to trust in my course.

— Cindy R., Writer and Editor

I have a lot more peace of mind, less stress, much less anxiety… I feel that we make progress in every session and always feel more confident that I am learning skills that will help me personally and professionally.
I particularly like that I do not feel ashamed when I talk about areas I want to improve. Understanding that I wasn’t broken, and just think about things differently was key. Trying to learn the way non-ADHD people learn was a mistake I have repeated my whole life.
I now know what the best environment is for me and can recognize distractions and noise immediately.
I am now able to have way more confidence to let go of the recurring thoughts about tasks, because I have tools that remember for me. I drop a lot less balls. In fact, typically, if I don’t do something now, it’s because I consciously lowered it on my priority list. I couldn’t do that very well before. I used to just shut down and drop everything because the stress was so great. That never happens anymore.
Thanks again for all your help. Your coaching was probably the best investment I've ever made in me!

— T.D., Sales Professional

Together we identified obstacles that were preventing me from truly going after the job that I would be happiest in. I’m balancing a full workload (I currently have 4 part-time jobs), graduate school, and 15-20 hours of training as a competitive cyclist. For a few years, I was having trouble committing myself to finding a new job and this was, in turn, making it difficult for me to work toward my graduate degree. I recently overcame a major hurdle in my progress toward my degree and am in touch with an increasing pool of potential employers.
Marla is a time management guru, to be sure, but her most unique skill is her ability to ask questions that help me to step outside of myself for a moment and take a hard look at my motivations and decision making processes. Her questions have helped me to become more independently active in that I now know how to ask myself the kinds of questions that Marla might ask me. Without Marla’s help, I probably would not be as far along in my job search as I am now and would still be far from finishing my degree. Thanks, Marla!

— Paul D., PhD Candidate / High-School Teacher

Through our workI clarified my goals, identified communication issues, fuzzy planning and established personal accountability. In working with Marla, I received practical organizing and planning techniques, inspiration and empowering suggestions. Marla helped me work with each issue as developing life skills and emphasized personal responsibility. Marla is an excellent coach and compassionate, encouraging mirror. I recommend her without any reservations.

— Fred B., Business Consultant

The coaching worked so well because it was tailored just for me - not a cookie cutter type of experience. It was exactly what I needed! We identified and worked on my concerns - got at the root cause and figured out what I could do to make it better. I proved I am capable of growth and change.
For one, my communication has improved through the different departments and with my own team. My email and task organization are better, too. I have more tools at my disposal to help with my organization which helps me feel more calm and settled, even when things start to get hectic at work.
I have tried to be perfect for too long and it was causing me to focus on the wrong areas... I stopped thinking it is always my fault and I've started to develop a thicker skin when I do make a mistake. I can move on more quickly and stay focused on the current tasks instead of worrying unnecessarily.
I am more confident in my abilities and I have learned how to stop worrying as often about things outside of my control.
Marla did a wonderful job with everything. Everything we worked on I made improvements in!

— E.A., Human Resource Manager

Marla has been tremendously helpful in keeping me “on track” with important and complex projects during a time when I cannot afford to get lost.
At the same time, she is helping me realize that while avocational goals are important, so too are relationships and personal fairness. In our last meeting, Marla helped me begin to tackle a lifelong misapprehension of time and how to gain control of it.
More important than problems solved is my greater confidence in addressing problems and trying to solve them, rather than simply quitting because no resolution is apparent.
Marla offers a non-judgemental, objective appreciation for the large and small difficulties and success that are not apparent to myself, and a way to order these things so that they can be confronted and appreciated, respectively.
She has helped me see what appear to be insurmountable problems as just small impediments. Specifically, she has goaded me into making phone calls to people that I didn’t think would want to hear from me, and to do everything to keep communications channels open.
She has also helped me by keeping a focus on the challenge I feel in organizing and constantly reviewing how to strike a balance between letting my schedule get out of control and focusing too intently on it and thus losing track of the bigger picture.

— Josh D., Professional Writer and Editor

Marla’s support was critical in reducing anxiety after receiving the diagnosis of ADD. She imparts information in a warm, impartial, professional manner. Marla is always on your side and willing to work at your pace. At the same time, she challenges you to think about your daily decisions and how they impact your life, and your options for change, should you desire it. Marla helps you identify, prioritize, and focus on weaknesses in a nonjudgmental way and plants the seeds of ideas for you to follow up on, either immediately, or in the future when you’re ready. Above all, she compliments your strengths.

— Jane F., Parent

...while working with Marla, I have been able to move into a career that I have always wanted to be in. I spent many years with undiagnosed ADD not knowing why I had such difficulty with staying focused, starting projects and having difficulty finishing them, unable to prioritize what I needed to do in my life, and many of the other symptoms. I finally sought help through a physician who recommended taking medication. It was also suggested I find an ADD coach to help me re-learn new ways of managing my ADD. I contacted Marla, and after the first conversation I felt comfortable enough to give the coaching a try.
After a few sessions working with Marla, she was able to help me start developing the goals and tools I needed to start clearing the clutter in my life. Today using the different techniques that I have learned while working with Marla, I manage my time more efficiently, and complete projects to the end. It is good to know that you do not need to make the journey alone with ADD. I look forward to working with Marla now and in the future.

— Chris E., Support Analyst

Marla was my second coach. The first one did not really help me, so I was kind of skeptical.
Marla’s help was astonishing. After only a few calls she seemed to have me figured out pretty well.
She called me on empty promises, pushed me just enough never too much, and together we came up with tools that actually work and which I actually use. She has an uncanny ability to know how far she can push me without ticking me off. Thanks to that I never felt pressure to lie about or excuse what I had done or how I was doing.
After living with ADD for many years I started believing that I was lazy, stupid, and crazy. Marla was able to convince me that I was none of these by helping me solve small issues and get a track record of success. Once those things were accomplished, many of the pieces sort of fell in to place.