maxjmartin.com

The One Sentence Persuasion Course by Blair Warren

modified 2018/11/02

Book notes for “The One Sentence Persuasion Course”, 27 Words to Makethe World Do Your Bidding by Blair Warren

Highlights:

Last annotated on January 14, 2017

You will have discovered that the most magical things in life, on and
off the stage, are often the result of the correct application of the
most basic principles imaginable. location 73

People will do anything for those who encourage their dreams, justify
their failures, allay their fears, confirm their suspicions, and help
them throw rocks at their enemies. location 94

this is the sentence

these are not the most important because they are comprehensive. They’re
not. They are not the most important because they’ve been scientifically
proven. They haven’t. And they’re not the most important because they’re
based on the latest persuasion technology. They’re not. They are the
most important because they are simple, they are immediately useful and
they can be frighteningly powerful. location 99

try to find a truly successful ad campaign that does not use 1 or more
of these 5 insights. Really. Try to find one. Then, when you give up on
that, try to find a deep satisfying relationship that isn’t built upon
one or more of these ideas. Just try to find people who have a
remarkable chemistry, yet fail to encourage each other’s dreams. Or who
demand that the other is to blame. Or fail to address each other’s
concerns. Or treat each other as paranoid. Or leave each other to fight
their own battles. location 106

While millions cheer Dr. Phil as he tells people to accept
responsibility for their mistakes, millions more are looking for someone
to take the responsibility off their shoulders, to tell them that they
are not responsible for their lot in life. And while accepting
responsibility is essential for gaining control of ones own life,
assuring others they are not responsible is essential for gaining
influence over theirs. One need look no further than politics to see
this powerful game played at its best. location 124

We “tell” them not to be afraid and expect that to do the trick. Does it
work? Hardly. And yet, we don’t seem to notice. We go on as if we’d
solved the problem and the person before us fades further, and further,
away. But there are those who do realize this and pay special attention
to our fears. They do not tell us not to be afraid. Instead, they work
with us until our fear subsides. They present evidence, they offer
support, they tell us stories, but they do not tell us how to feel and
expect us to feel that way. When you are afraid, which type of person do
you prefer to be with? location 129

It is a simple thing to confirm the suspicions of those who are
desperate to believe them. location 137

The thing they are struggling with is their enemy. Whether it is another
individual, a group, an illness, a setback, a rival philosophy or
religion, or what have you, when one is engaged in a struggle, one is
looking for others to join him. Those who do become more than friends;
they become partners. location 142

People write books about how to frame your ideas, how to present your
self, how to put your best foot forward. And yet, all that people really
care about is themselves. Can you imagine how much energy you will free
up if you stop focusing on yourself and put your attention on other
people? Can you even imagine how much more charismatic you will become
when you come to be seen as one who can fulfill some of these most basic
emotional needs? location 151

Then notice what else our sentence doesn’t say. It does not say people
will do anything for those who educate them, do what’s best for them, or
even treat them fairly. It does not say people will do anything for
those who are eloquent, well dressed, and pleasant. Nor those who make
the best case for their proposals, who are reasonable and who come
across as intelligent. When we focus on these basic principles of human
nature, these things become negligible. When we focus on these basic
principles of human nature, we create relationships in which people
naturally want to do things for us. location 160

The first commercial, for an antidepressant medication, starts out with
something like, “Feeling depressed lately? It may be the result of a
chemical imbalance in your brain.” The second commercial, one for a
weight loss product, starts out like this, “If you’ve tried to lose that
extra weight and have failed, it may not be your fault. It may be your
metabolism.” Can you see their use of the scapegoat principle? If you’re
depressed, it may not be your fault. It might simply be a biological
factor beyond your control. And if you’re overweight and have failed to
slim down, it might not be your fault, but simply a problem with your
metabolism! location 231

A friend of mine who is a landscaper once told me that when he first
meets potential clients they are often embarrassed by the condition of
their property. When he senses this, he immediately points out how many
of the problems with their property are due to such things as drought
conditions, bad soil conditions and the like. In other words, the
condition of their property doesn’t say anything negative about the
potential client. It isn’t their fault! location 239

As powerful as the two-word strategy “validate and fascinate” is, the
next strategy is even more powerful. But in a negative way. This
two-word strategy is: Correct and convince. This strategy is so common,
so entrenched, and so widespread, that we don’t even tend to recognize
it. Yet, it is all around us, all the time. And worse. It is often
coming out of us all the time as well. location 341

Despite what we’ve been taught, fascinating others is one of the easiest
things in the world, if you do it within a context of validation. Thus,
the strategy “validate and fascinate.” In that order. Now compare this
with the correct-and-convince strategy. Within a context of correction,
nothing we say will be very convincing. location 348

if we can’t encourage a specific dream a person may have, we can
certainly acknowledge the importance of having such dreams, and then
attempt to move them in a more positive direction. If we can’t justify
their failures, we can at least acknowledge that there are many
contributing factors to any situation and then suggest that, right or
wrong, sometimes the most effective way to get out of a situation is to
act as if one is completely responsible for it. If we can’t allay their
fears, we can at least assure them that it is okay to be afraid. To tell
someone who is already afraid that they shouldn’t be afraid only
compounds the problem. If we can’t confirm their suspicions, we can at
least acknowledge the possibility of their suspicions being correct and
let them know that we understand how they could have come to such a
conclusion. Even if we don’t share that conclusion ourselves. If we
can’t help them throw rocks at their enemies, we can at least
acknowledge the universal desire to seek revenge before we try to talk
them out of it. location 360

Perhaps the greatest irony of all when it comes to validating these
needs is that when we are allowed to have these needs and even indulge
them, we often don’t. The very fact that it is okay for us to feel a
certain way encourages us to stop fighting to maintain and justify our
feeling that way. When we’re told it is okay to dream, we tend to be
more flexible with our dreams. When we’re told we’re not responsible for
something, we often find that we’re more open to accepting
responsibility for it. When we’re told that it’s okay to be afraid, we
often feel less afraid. When we’re told that we’re probably justified in
being suspicious, we tend to become less so. And when we’re allowed to
throw rocks at our enemies, we often tire of it very, very quickly.
location 369