Britain Shit Again

THE temporary euphoria of Britain's Olympic success came to an abrupt halt this morning as millions of commuters remembered what an unmitigated shithole this country really is.

Why don't you try running, you lazy shits?

As miserable workers crammed themselves into piss-soaked trains amid the unyielding mid-August downpour, the nation's vehicle-based medal haul was dismissed as a fleeting distraction from Britain's descent into bankrupt savagery.

With recession imminent, unemployment rising and public sector strikes looming, middle-Britain was also quick to stress that Team GB is clearly not very good at the proper Olympic sports of running and jumping.

Wayne Hayes, a trainee solicitor from Ashford, said: "So what? You can ride a fucking bike. Big deal. So can I, but I don't dedicate my fucking life to it.

"I get a proper job rather than spend every waking hour riding round a track, showing off like a dick and then doing adverts for fucking Lucozade."

He added: "All I want to know is can a British person run faster than an American person, and the answer so far is a big, fat fucking NO."

Meanwhile Emma Hartley, a sales manager from Cambridge, was now less than impressed with Team GB's yachting success.

"So you can make a boat go fast. Whoop-di-fucking-do. It's not much of a boat is it? Has it got a toilet in it? Can you have a shit on your boat?

"Simon Le Bon has a toilet on his boat. And a fish tank and a skittle alley. All of sudden your boat is starting to look like a lot of piss.