~ MST3K without the Riffing

Monthly Archives: May 2013

I was joined on this viewing by my wife. She’s not a B-movie fan and is best described as a very casual fan of MST3K. But she did sit through Kazaam, so she’s got that going for her.

“Marion cries in the Night”

The biggest problem with this movie is the start. Instead of being happy with it’s little Gaslight/Rebecca rip off, AIP (love your beach movies) had to tack on that stupid offer of a free burial if you are scared to death. As my wife said, her mind was pre-blown. There was no way it could live up to a promise of that scale.

But aside from the unfortunate expectations the intro set, ask yourself what was actor/director Alex (Mickey) Nicol thinking. Eric (John Hudson) is, at least until the portrait bonfire, supposed to be our hero. Supposed to be the guy we are cheering for. Isn’t he a great guy, helping the nice crazy rich girl and being buddy buddy with a Reverend. (Not to go too off topic, but if you don’t go to church-as it is implied Eric doesn’t-how do you meet and befriend a Reverend?) My wife found him loathsome from the git go. No way she was rooting for that bastard.

I’ll put forth that Mickey is one of the better lackeys in MST3K annals. More competent than Torgo, better looking that Ortega and nowhere near as sweaty as Lobo.

I did like the reverse House on Haunted Hill ending to this movie. Of course, it just brought attention to all the missed opportunities in the movie.

This was clearly a shoestring movie–six weeks, five actors, 2 rooms and 1 garden. There was just nothing special about this movie. I don’t know if was they had the wrong actors, or the wrong rooms, but there is just too much wrong with this one. Not the laugh out loud failure we’ll see in the future, but a slow, quiet well intentioned failure of a movie.

Watchability: 1 of 5. It just doesn’t work. Good ideas, but they just didn’t get their own movie. Decently acted, just woefully scripted and directed. On premise and plot outline, should have actually been one of the better films.

Missing the Riffs: 2 of 5. Very shocked I missed Mike and the Bots this much. They actually do make the movie much better than it is. Probably could make this a 1, but it was really easy to find my own riffs for this viewing.

If you click on the ‘About’ it will have a breakdown of the number of Experiments per season, the number I currently have access too and the number watched. As of today, I have known access to about 2/5 of the Experiments.

You know how you felt a little sick when you found out what really happened to Rita in Sidehackers? The real start of The Unearthly is like that. A light turns on in a matte painting and there’s Tor Johnson, strangling some blonde. That must have stuck with Coleman Francis, with the implication of Javorsky killing the shower woman at the start of Beast of Yucca Flats. I have a feeling I’m in for more than a few shocks like that during this project.

This is sort of my back door way of mentioning the man responsible for my love of the B’s–Mr. Edward D Wood Jr—without actually watching one of his films (saving those few for later). I’ve maintained for decades that Ed Wood actually had a decent idea or two, but the insistence of only his vision undermined everything. Really, if you strip down Plan 9, you have the frame work for an X-Files story, not one of the worst movies ever.

And this a movie that provides evidence to my argument. The Unearthly is based on characters created by Ed Wood. In the hands of writer John D. F. Black (who Star Trek fans should know) and others with more talent than Wood’s circle (John Carradine, the 50 foot woman, Miss America 1946 and Playmate of the Month for February 1957!), suddenly you have the makings of a passable thriller/mystery/sci-fi/horror movie. If you kick Tor Johnson out of there and I doubt you have any reason to put this on MST3K. Tor Johnson, sticking out like a sore thumb is the only “Ed Wood” thing in this movie. Thank you Ed Wood for being so stubborn, without that, your movies would all be like The Unearthly.

With around 250 films, it is a little shocking we don’t see more of Carradine on MST3K. I would nominate Billy the Kid vs. Dracula, The Incredible Petrified World or Hillbillys in a Haunted House with Ferlin Husky as missed rifftunaties.

I wonder if Mark Houston is related to Saul Houston.

I guess the SOL crew decided the lesson on glands and the endocrine system wasn’t funny. So many plot points cut for time: Lobo is a failed experiment of the Doctor, Lenny Bruce doesn’t want to eat and Natalie ate drugged pudding or something.

Allison Hayes, the brunette depressive, has 3 MST3K movies under her belt, this one, Gunslinger and The Crawling Hand.

Watchablity: 2 of 5

I like to do theme nights with movies. This works for Carradine, Tor Johnson, Ed Wood and Ms. Hayes. But I don’t think I would do it as a stand-alone again. Was a little off put by the murder at the start, just because as many times as I’ve seen the episode, that was much unexpected.

Missing the Riffs: 4 of 5

This is a personal favorite episodes, a key part of any “Lobo” night I want to have. There were points that I was recalling favorite riffs, but for the most part I didn’t notice they were gone. I was pleasantly surprised by that occurrence.

This is the first of my many missteps. Mostly, because the direction is unclear. Do I do a straight review, when the quality is a given? Do I put the movie in some kind of historical perspective? Or do I just ramble on like John Agar? The answer is probably and much, much more.

Since I don’t want to bite off more than I can chew, I’m not worrying about the shorts or sticking to any kind of order. Sorry Commander Cody fans. I weep with you.

The Mad Monster is from the Season 1 on The Comedy Channel. Seasons 0 and 1, the Dr. Erhardt years, are the ones I’m the least familiar with. But this episode (along with The Crawling Eye and The Corpse Vanishes) were streaming on Netflix for a while, so I know this one better than most of that era. I would say the Cody short is probably my favorite part of this experiment.

For whatever reason, there was a ‘man-to-beast’ trend in movies in the early 1940s. 1942’s The Mad Monster was part of that trend. And actually, not all that bad of a movie.

Most of the Werewolf movies I’ve seen, the change is a supernatural occurrence, a curse, that sort of thing. In this movie, this Werewolf is the workings of science (Ok, really bad stupid science, but science nevertheless). A nice little thing to try and keep a poplar genre fresh.

There are a couple oblique references to a war against fanatics, so the whole ‘super werewolf soldier’ isn’t, contextually, the maddest mad scientist scheme ever (A Captain American Werewolf in Berlin mayhaps?), and it is good enough an idea for Bella to steal in Bride of the Monster. And The Blood Waters of Dr. Z stole the being berated by invisible colleges, so you got that too.

Ok George Zucco goes Shatner as Dr. Cameron. But he is somewhere between Bella and Price, so some overacting is too be expected. He is one of those genre pioneers. How much do you think he’d have charged for a signed pic? A great horror villain of the time.

Glenn (Petro) Strange might be the best of the cast. While Zucco is ACTING, Strange is really conveying that internal struggle and change going through his body and mind. I can really see how tormented Petro is about the killings he knows he committed while ‘asleep’.

Was there really that much science coverage in the newspapers in the 30s and 40s? Were there really Professors going to the Times to assail their associates? Had science just been invented or something?

The bland daughter/love interest has a good scream when she sees wolf-Petro.

When the lightning hits Dr. Cameron’s chemicals starting the climactic fire, how can one not think that he tampered in God’s domain?

So I suppose some kind of ratings are in order. The main things I am ‘interested’ in are:

Is it a watchable movie without the riffs?

Now watchable is a very subjective term. So many parts go into it: Did they have a good idea, but no talent? Was there talent trying to overcome bad decisions? Did they mistake silence for seriousness? Did they try or did they they not care? Did they know what a movie was before they tried to make one? All of this and more gets thrown into the mix. I also speak from the viewpoint of a B-Movie fan; I’ve willingly sat through bad most movie goers can’t imagine.

I would say by any standard, this is watchable movie. There is a plot, they mostly keep to their rules, and unlike so many MST3K films they don’t get distracted. On a scale of one to five (one being never again and five being press play right now), I’d give The Mad Monster a very solid 3. Not a regular choice, but I can see at couple more spins in its future.

How much do I miss the riffs?

This is a real easy one for me. The Riffed version isn’t a particularly memorable one for me, a rare episode overtaken by the short. I can’t really think of a favorite riff in that episode that isn’t from the Commander Cody short. On the same one to five scale (one being pure Hell with no riffs and five being not at all), this is a 5.

Watchabilty: 3 of 5 (one being never again and five being press play right now)

Not Missing the Riff: 5 of 5 (one being pure Hell with no riffs and five being not at all)

A pretty decent movie, probably one of the better ones I’ll see. Sadly.

I loved B-Movies even before I found MST3K in the early 90’s. But in the last decade or so, I’ve moved away from the B’s and just watched and re-watched the episodes. I lost touch with the fact that the movies were actually movies to be watched and, theoretically at least, enjoyed.

So that is what I plan to do. Watch the movies Joel, Mike and the Bots were forced to watch. All of them. From Gamera vs Barugon to Diabolik. I am my own Mad. I am the experiment.