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9.30.2014

Many of you may not know this, but I'm 15.5 weeks pregnant and with this pregnancy, has come depression. I am glad to say that it is gone now, but whoo! I thought I was gone for good!
I can honestly say that since this depression has left, it's like my eyes have been opened once again. I realized how much I missed simply because I was so mopey and tired all the time. I never saw how smart Hannah was becoming or what new things she was learning.

Depression. It's as if I haven't been present for the past three months.
I'm finally happy again. Genuinely happy. Oh, how I've missed my baby girl and my husband!

I have never been so saddened and embarrassed as when I awoke to the fact that I've seriously been depressed for three months and I didn't even know it! My child was hurting other kids all the time. She was attacking me too. I never knew what to do with her, but now I can see how I was hardly paying attention to her in those times. It is so nice to have my own brain back where it belongs. For reals now! Have you gone through this?

My obgyn tried to give me some mood stabilizers. I nodded my head in agreement when he told me he was going to subscribe me some medicine, but I never even picked it up from the pharmacy. (I'm not too big on taking meds.) I caught a stomach bug soon after my appointment, and after spending some quality time with a trash can and losing six pounds, I felt so energetic and back to my normal self! Yay!!! I almost feel like all this "junk" just had to be flushed out of my system so that I could get back to normal! Or so I like to think!

Side note: The nurse at my obgyn told me that I might be feeling the way I do (or did) because I was still heavily nursing Hannah. Ever since, I have been trying my hardest to wean her off breastfeeding. It's been difficult, but I do believe my relationship is a little better with her now.

I don't have too much to say on the topic, but I do want to say to all my friends who are lonely, depressed, exhausted---hold on to hope! This is simply a phase in life, and like all other phases, it will pass.

Jeremiah 29:11 | "For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." NLT

Romans 15:13|I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. NLT

I want you to know that you are not alone. I know that some days (maybe even many days) it feelslike it, but I guarantee you that there are many people around you, friends even, that feel this way. Lonely. Tired. Sad. Mopey. Discouraged. Unmotivated. Unhappy. Fearful.

In my time of depression I posted a facebook status about being lonely and mopey (depressed!). I was amazed with how many women (moms especially) wrote me encouraging me and sharing with me how they (at that time) were feeling the same way! We began to encourage each other in practical ways. It definitely helped cheer me up, but God's Word healed me completely! God is GOOD!!!

I urge you to share your heart with God and with others! You never know! You may find out that some of your closest friends or acquaintances are struggling with depression as well! You might even find some new accountability partners! God is good and He uses all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).

James 1:2-4 |Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. NLT

Be encouraged! Have hope! Be joyful in this time of difficulty!

| Psalm 27:4-5 |

The one thing I ask of the Lord—the thing I seek most—is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,delighting in the Lord’s perfectionsand meditating in his Temple.

For he will conceal me there when troubles come;he will hide me in his sanctuary.He will place me out of reach on a high rock.

NLT

May God bless you with an overwhelming peace and joy, in the name of Jesus Christ! Amen!

9.29.2014

I am so so so happy that this pregnancy depression stuff is gone! Seriously! Now I can get down to business and get our house back in shape! It's amazing what a home can look like when no one's deep cleaned in three months!

I've finally got my energy back! YAY!!!

So today started out like so... cleaning out our storage room. That picture to the far left, yea, all that went to the Salvation Army. A couple of boxes are filled with Hannah's baby clothes, the other is some stuff I need to go through and organize. After two or so hours, I finally finished!!! A clean storage room! Accessible and everything!!! ;)

I feel like I'm packing my car for college, haha! It's like it was just yesterday...

Hannah helping mommy pack her car with tons and tons of Salvation Army donations! She found my cup of coffee and thought it would be best suited on my drivers seat, hence the towel. I love this little girl!

Hannah and I tried to run a few errands today, but sadly, some of our to-dos were closed for the day. We stopped by a friend's house and played in puddles while letting our little ones run around and use up some energy! This weather is lovely.

I spent hours today working on our kitchen, dining room, foyer, Hannah's
room, our room, the bathrooms and our storage room. This pregnant lady
has felt invincible today! Then my husband came home and I finally sat
down. My hips are throbbing and I can hardly bend without grinding my
teeth. My heels are so sore, I just want to soak them in a steaming hot
bath.

This is my next project. Cleaning and organizing my desk area. Am I the only one that makes my desk a "drop zone"???

I've been wanting to bake cookies for days now and my kitchen was
finally clean enough, that today I got to bake some!!! I baked some Melt-In-Your-Mouth Sugar Cookies. They are so soft, several cookies crumbled right in my hand!

And last, but not least, Chris bought us some pumpkins and I am so excited to have them out on our front porch! Now I just need some more mums to brighten things up! :)

9.23.2014

A few days ago my dad wrote on my blog: "You'd be rich!" if you could come up with ways to re-use widowed socks. So here I am giving you ideas on how to re-purpose your widowed socks. That is, socks without a match. (Not at all in order to "get rich" but because I thought it was a cool idea!)

Through the help of Pinterest and Google, I found some pretty cool uses for socks! I was not able to find many uses for men, but for women, moms and decorators. If you have any ideas, please post them here by commenting and I will share your ideas!

1. Wine Bottle Cover :This cover costs $12.95 at www.zgalleri.com. I don't know about you, but I seriously think that this could be handmade at a fraction of the cost! You could make something similar for FREE with your own wandering sock!

3. Just Hang 'Em Up : It's as simple as that! Have them out in the open, on display so that one day you will find its match! (An unknown source.)

4. The Sock Bun : The famous sock bun. It seems to be a big hit right now and this is definitely for the ladies! Use a widowed sock to give yourself a perfect round bun and when you take it out, your hair might just be in perfect curls! Morgan from www.xoxomeblog.com has another tutorial for this up-do!

5. Snow Man Ornament : Sheri from Childmade gives us a great tutorial on how to make a snow man ornament out of socks! Make yourself an ornament for the Christmas tree! I'm sure after looking at her tutorial you can get even MORE ideas about ornaments!

8. Sock Wreath : Becca shares with us on www.bluecricketdesign.com how to make a sock wreath! I never would have thought of this but it actually looks pretty cool! I don't know about you, but most of my socks are white and my husbands are black. A solid black or solid white wreath might actually look pretty neat! What do you think?

9. Sock Bouquet : I seriously want to put these in the nursery or in the study! A bouquet of flowers made from socks! Heather from How Does She? provides us with a great picture tutorial on how to make this! Check it out!

10. A Wire Cozy : This is for everyone, including men! Use a sock to hold your wires together. All those wires behind the computer desk you can now hold together with a sock! (Another tip, use the plastic clips/ties on bread bags to label your wires!) This tip needs no tutorial.

9.22.2014

I want to make an impact in people's lives, not for myself, but I want others to see the greatness and love of Christ! ...for it is a BIG DEAL y'all. God is magnificent in every way and I want to be someone who can share His love and His light, but I battle with my "calling" or "responsibilities" as a mom and wife. Should the house be a priority today or should Hannah? Should Hannah be a priority today or should Chris? Everyone in the world has their input and they are always willing to give it, whether or not it's helpful! Basically, when I'm trying to decide what should go on top of my priority list, I hear a million different things and I end up feeling guilty if I do something opposite of what I "hear" in my head.

This mom (points to self) is a bundle of chaos and sometimes I feel as if every other mom has it all together.

I recently discussed with some mom friends of mine how it's discouraging when I see how "easy" some moms have it. Not that their life is perfect or easy, it just seems that way to me. They seem to have the happiest family and at the same time, a super clean and organized house, and still all the time in the world. The conversation I had with my friends was a great reminder for me! I was reminded that those who struggle and share those struggles with others, those are the people that encourage us the most and give us hope! The women I have met who are real and honest about their weaknesses and failures, their anger and frustration...those are the women who inspire me and encourage me to continue growing.

This brings me hope simply because my life is a bundle of chaos. It really really is, and I am okay with that. My house is hardly ever clean. I have trouble getting dinner on the table five or six nights out of seven. We have bug problems every now and then because I like to leave the doors open during the day. I almost always forget to dry the clothes once the washing machine is done, and by the time I realize it, I've had to wash the clothes all over again because they smell. Usually I forget about it a second time and have to wash it a third time. Ugh.

My kitchen and dining room are currently a disaster. I spent Saturday night cooking meat and baking a cake. I spent all of Sunday cooking chili, baking a cake and making mousse and a new kind of sea foam frosting. I even had to learn how to create a "double boiler" because, well, I don't have one! I had no time to clean up anything and my husband spent all of his time entertaining Hannah and her cousin so I could cook and bake in "peace". So here we have bowls filled with bits of chocolate mousse, sea foam frosting, cups filled with left over coffee, empty containers,...etc. We both looked at it when we got home and after putting Hannah to bed and said "we'll do it tomorrow". Yep. We're guilty of putting it off another day. Did we clean it today? No, because we both realized that we were tired and had a rough day. So we decided that getting out together as a family was more important tonight. To the playground we go!!!

At least my laundry area is some what cleaner than usual!

My desk. I really don't use my desk to do much work...apparently. I also
have no idea how long that plate has been there, and I don't think it's
mine. Oops. Paper work I haven't organized, craft supplies I haven't
put up...you know the drill. And this box, Chris emptied out my car I am
no longer using and I'm supposed to go through this. Haven't done it
yet as you can see.

Chris and I talked a lot today about how it
seems like just when we're getting on top of things, other stuff just
gets in the way and makes it nearly impossible to complete the previous
task. I'm pretty sure everyone goes through this almost every single
day, especially working individuals and parents. Just when I have energy
and motivation, Hannah is her clingiest and nothing gets done. Just
when I feel on top of the world, my child won't let me let go of her. I
know I'm not the only one who goes through this!

Like I said, I made a cake on Saturday and Sunday. It seriously was the
funniest looking cake I have ever made and I was really embarrassed by
it! I was going to write an entire post on this recipe, but (1) I forgot
and (2) it ended up being really hilarious! Haha! It was a Devils Food Cake with a nutella/espresso mousse filling (as seen in this post) and a seven-minute sea foam frosting. Anyways...doesn't that chocolate cake batter look so delicious??? Yum!

This is Hannah running around my messy living room drinking my empty cup of a Starbucks frappuccino. Still in her pjs at 4:30 in the afternoon. :)

This is my incomplete photo wall. We have lived in the house now for one whole year. As you can see, the bottom frame holds no picture. I should probably find one to put in there. There are also two missing frames. Where did they go? I really don't know, but I'm pretty sure Hannah stole them off of the wall. I'm not kidding. Maybe they'll show up one day soon.

But hey, at least my toe nails are painted...kinda. You can't tell
because of my quirky toes, but my middle toes are pretty much naked. No
nail polish. :(

Today was a "let's get wet and dirty" kind of day. What did I accomplish? I got to my obgyn appointment on time. Hannah took a nap. I rested like a good pregnant lady should. We played outside. Other than that, a whole lot of nothing!!! Ya know what though, I enjoyed every minute of it!

I've come to the conclusion that my house does not make me. Whether my house is clean or dirty, I've still got a soul to raise and to teach. Some days are just going to be like this. Very "unproductive" or so we tend to think. Today I cuddled with my daughter every chance I got. I wasn't busy cleaning my house telling her "no, don't touch that" or "not right now deary". I spent my day loving on this brilliant little girl! When her daddy came home from work exhausted and frustrated, we decided to go to McDonald's for dinner. Do we go to McDonald's often? Heck no. I hate McDonald's. We never ever ever go to McDonald's! But today was different. We needed that time together as a family, outside of the home. We laughed and giggled and wore ourselves out climbing the playground with Hannah. She loved it! She faced some of her fears (like separation, independence and heights) as we struggled to fit into all the different levels of that playground!

I think of Mary and Martha when I look back on days like this.

Luke 10:38-42 (New King James Version)

38 Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’[a] feet and heard His word. 40 But
Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and
said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone?
Therefore tell her to help me.”41 And Jesus[b] answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things.42 But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”(via www.biblegateway.com)

Some days (or moments) we should be choosing to slow down and simply be in His presence. I
am realizing more and more that my walk with Christ is not based on how
well I hold my life together (saying that even sounds ridiculous), it's
how I obey Him, listen to Him, pursue Him and love others. Some days it
is OKAY to simply LOVE others and not worry about anything else! It really is! In fact, some seasons in life are mostly just that, being present and loving on others! And THAT'S OKAY!

Chris and I talked a lot today about how it
seems like just when we're getting on top of things, other stuff just
gets in the way and makes it nearly impossible to complete the previous
task. I'm pretty sure everyone goes through this almost every single
day, especially working individuals and parents. Just when I have energy
and motivation, Hannah is her clingiest and nothing gets done. Just
when I feel on top of the world, my child won't let me let go of her. I
know I'm not the only one who goes through this!

Some days I just feel seriously defeated. Not because I didn't have a good day or anything, but because I feel as if I am never enough simply because I don't "conquer" everything people seem to be mastering. Or that I didn't "conquer" the things that people tell me I need to do. We seem to be taught that there are standards to reach as wives, as parents, as...whatever, fill in the blank. I must have my house clean at all times. I must have a healthy dinner every night for my family. I must have a tidy bathroom. I must have a lawn that looks freshly mowed. My floors must always be swept. Of course, every time anything is ever mentioned it is spoken as to make the individual feel as if it's not safe for someone else (like Hannah). It sucks. It really sucks, this whole "I feel guilty all the time 'cause I'm a mom" thing. (That's a whole 'nother topic for another day!)

I am sharing this really to remind myself of the truth.

My bedroom may be a wreck. My desk may never been organized but once every three months. My floors may need to be swept. However, I guarantee you that there is not a single item on my floors (or in reach of prying fingers) that is a danger to Hannah or any other child. I am a GOOD MOM! and so are you! We do what's best for our family, and each family is different. And you know what??? I am DONE with feeling guilty over things that do not define me. I LOVE my life! I have the sweetest, funniest, brightest and most brilliant daughter who looooves to give me kisses and hugs! I have the most patient, calm, peaceful, smart, hard-working, selfless husband a woman could ask for! Although I suffered with depression at the beginning of this pregnancy, it's gone now!!! (HALLELUJAH!!! THANK YOU JESUS!!!) This little baby is growing and is the sweetest little nugget I've ever seen in the womb! I saw him/her gently playing with their hands today! What a miracle!!!

I am so grateful that my job as a stay-at-home mom allows me to put off some of my responsibilities for a couple of days and focus on my family's well being. Sometimes, they should just come first. No if, and's or but's!

Sometimes you just need to put down the broom and just spend time with the people in your life!
Even if you feel like your life isn't together and you haven't figured out a routine yet, it is still okay to put the broom down! There is a time for work and a time for loving others! So don't feel guilty momma, when you haven't finished everything that was on your chore list! Don't feel guilty when your kitchen sink is never empty or when your laundry pile keeps growing! God has placed you as a care-taker of this home, yes, but He has also given you the very important role (even more important in my mind) of raising up a God-fearing husband and children! A clean home doesn't make God-fearing children (or a husband)...time, prayer, Scripture, worship and love do!

9.19.2014

As I am starting to feel like a normal human being again, I am starting
to day dream as well. I can't wait for the day we get to paint all the
walls in our house, our kitchen cabinets, pick out all my favorite
colors and make them the soul of our home decor, and for my wardrobe to
be complete with colorful dresses and cute shoes. What woman doesn't daydream about these things at some point?

I recently started a "Wish List" board on Pinterest.
I love it, because I can add all my favorite (affordable and
attainable) things that I hope to buy one day. I have albums for just
about everything else, too, but this one is my most realistic board. I
can actually buy these things at some point.

Here are some of my favorites that you may or may not see on my board!

1. These stinkin' adorable sandals that I just found on clearance at Target. They are sold out of these shiny ones but here is their twin!

9.18.2014

Listening to: A WHOLE LOT of "Let it Go", a song in the movie Frozen. Hannah likes to have it on replay...all...day...long...ughhhhhh. Needless to say, I've learned how to tune it out. Every now and then a Little Mermaid song will play, giving me a small break from "go!"

Reading:The 5 Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman. I would LOVE to be reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge and possibly a Francine Rivers book. Yep. If only I had the time and if only Hannah would leave me alone long enough to read past a paragraph or two.

Thinking about: I am definitely day
dreaming often about how I'd like to fix up our home. What colors I'd
like to paint all the rooms. What color pillows to have in the living
room. Etc. What can I say? I'm a day dreamer! I'm also thinking a lot
about how to better use my time. There is so much I can do to make sure I
use my time wisely! So much! I've been feeling crafty, too!

I jerry-rigged my own drawer handles out of twine that I had in my craft box! Haha!

...and spent time re-organizing Hannah's bedroom. Yay for energy!!!

...and as I cleaned and organized, Hannah was emptying out my laundry baskets and dragging stuff all over the floors in my living room...sigh...

Wishing: I am wishing that I had more time in each day to do the things I want to do, need to do and want to pursue!

I want to finish drawing this zig-zag pattern on Hannah's book shelf. We won't call it chevron, because come on! Look at that! It's SO not symmetrical! Haha!

I want to finish painting this frame black. It's original pastel salmon color just wasn't working for Hannah's room! Blech!

Thankful for: I am thankful for my sweet, gentle and patient husband. He has been working so hard these past few months to hold our family together. I have not been in my A-game and he has been making up for it. I am so so blessed! I am also thankful for all the family and friends who have been helping us out with Hannah. It has been such a relief and such a blessing to us both.

Where you can find me this week: In the mornings you can find me at play groups. I like to get out and wear Hannah out at the same time! It usually works out well. Hannah will fall asleep on the way home and when we get there, I have plenty of alone time right away (it's nice for a loner/introvert like myself). During the afternoons you will usually find us at home unless we've got lots of errands to run. We have our routine (right now anyway). It's nice.

Eating: Well, Chris and I have been hitting up FATZ Cafe for our date nights and I am starting to crave their chicken. Like, for real, legit preggo cravings for their chicken! I'm also craving cheetos. Mmm. So good! I'm pretty sure I was in love with chicken when I was pregnant with Hannah. It's a good craving to have.Photographing: Not much lately, due to sickness and depression (pregnancy hormones suck). In fact, I have been forgetting to even take pictures of Hannah! Ack! I've been trying to make up for it now! I'm hoping to get more on top of things now that I'm feeling more like my self again.

All in all we've had our ups and downs. I've battled motivation now for months (I'm thinking it's mostly just pregnancy hormones) but God is reviving me and I'm excited to have my energy and motivation back! Yay!!!

What she does when mommy's sick!

Singing to and dancing to her favorite music video of all time... Let it Go from Frozen!!!