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Videogum reader Emma sent us an email about her recent discovery of the Facebook group “Heterosexual Awareness Month,” which is your Facebook group. Good group! Great group. Very cool group for a very cool thing. If one thing has become increasingly clear in the Culture Wars over gay marriage it is that heterosexuals are INVISIBLE and we need to do whatever we can to BRING THEM OUT OF THE SHADOWS. Obviously, this is nonsense. The group is garbage, who cares. Even the most cursory look at their page shows them to not only be homophobic, but also weirdly racist and sexist but in extraordinarily confusing ways. For example: there is a Photoshop of Obama with a woman’s body wearing sexy lingerie and it says “Change, did somebody say change?… No thanks I’ll take sanity.” Haha, WHAT? That is just straight up bonkers I don’t even know what. (One woman who “liked” the page posted a note that says: “I’m so straight, first thing I did when I bought a house was brick up the back door.” The point is: we live in a beautiful world full of fascinating and wonderful people. Characters welcome.)

ANYWAY, now we are just giving lip service to a fringe group of fucking assholes, and what is the point, except that Emma also points out that the Heterosexual Awareness Month (which is JULY, incidentally, LOL, what?) group has launched a membership drive for the month of November. It’s pretty cool and easy to be a part of it, as the page points out: “It’s simple just click join! That’s all there is to it… you are in. All you have to do now is enjoy your heterosexual lifestyle.” ALL YOU HAVE TO DO NOW IS ENJOY YOUR HETEROSEXUAL LIFESTYLE! Cool. Dope. Fun club. When you pledge your orientation with these nightmares, they promise that you will have “worldwide acceptance, cool relationships, specific roles, and minimum guilt.” Hahaha. How are we not all members of this great community! I LOVE COOL RELATIONSHIPS WITH MINIMUM GUILT AND HATE IN OUR HEARTS! Anyway, if you’re going to push for new members, you’re going to need to make a flyer, obviously, and if you’re going to make a flyer about the joys of heterosexuality, you’re going to need a fresh image of straight people loving to have fun, and what better image than a class photo from Degrassi: The Next Generation. Wait, what? Yoops! Degrassi: The Next Generation, of course, had numerous homosexual characters whose storylines were treated with dignity and respect. They are NOT a good representation of the cool and universally accepted guilt-free lifestyle of heterosexual pride. Which is not a thing. Also this whole group of people can go fuck themselves no joke I hope they fall of their bikes and scrape their arms and knees and then James comes and steals their bikes. But the real point is HI DRAKE IN A WHEELCHAIR! (Thanks for the tip, Emma.)