Why Dudes Often Vanish After a Great Third Date (In Their Words)

Dear All The Single Ladies, you know how sometimes you're seeing a guy, and he's all about it, and it's going really well, and then all of a sudden he apparates off the face of the earth without a word and you're like, "What the sh*t?"

Here, my League Of Extraordinary Mouth-Breathers (read: guy friends) will explain this phenomenon to you, much like they did the d*ck pic phenomenon of yore. Explanations range from the ridiculous to the more ridiculous to the... actually relatively sane. Go on, boys:

Guy 1:

"My behavioral economics theory of early dating: From the male perspective, the early stages of dating can generally be reduced to one thing and one thing only: sex. Yes, it is nice to make emotional connections as well, but as far as the first several dates go, that is not the main thing on a guy's mind. I would guess that in 90% of all cases when a guy does not call back after a third date, there were either no sexy times involved or there were sub-par sexy times involved. A third date that doesn't end with sex, or at least with some naked bodies (or even at the very least some high-intensity, risque touching) is not a great third date from the guy's perspective, no matter how well the girl thought it went. If the third date ended with either sex, or a quality hookup, the guy would be calling back because he would want to do that again... You see, dating is like an investment in your penis, and just as a smart investor would get out of a poorly performing investment position, a smart guy will get out of a poorly performing dating situation."

Guy 2:

"a) Not that into you. Are you sure both parties thought it was a great date? If he's not contacting you, there's a sign he might not be as into you as you are into him. Some guys are very good at being polite (or just enjoy themselves on dates--who doesn't, on a good date?) but if they don't see a future, and there's been no sex or "so, what's up?" talk, there's really no need to break anything off. In that case, just not calling seems kosher.

b) Met someone else. If you're just dating, but not yet in the boyfriend/girlfriend territory, chances are that one or both of you are probably also dating around a bit. If he meets someone else who really gets him excited, chances are he will simply drop off the map. After all, you're not his girlfriend, so he doesn't precisely owe you an explanation, and it saves him an awkward and possibly painful conversation, since he probably does like you. Just not as much as he likes her, right now. Or thinks he does. See, this falls into the category of "boys have short attention spans."

c) Got busy and delayed calling too long. This one can be really annoying. You've gone out on a few dates and really enjoyed yourselves, but he got really busy and didn't call or text for a few days after the last one. Then there were a few days of agonizing over whether it would be rude or awkward to call you--and maybe it would be easier for him just to wait for you to call him. After a couple of days, it's really just rude and "too late," so the lines of communication are closed. Until he drunkenly texts you post-11pm (or post 1am) some night to try for a booty call. (This one is probably AKA "not that into you." See response a, above)."

Guy 3:

As rule of thumb goes, the third date is traditionally when you give sex a whirl. If you're on the fence about a gal, it's extremely poor form to screw and disappear forever. Sometimes you need that third date to gauge if it's working for you. If not, it's easier to just surreptitiously make your leave than get emotionally entangled further.

Guy 4:

"A lot of guys don't really need many reasons to cut their losses. Could be just one answer to a question that raises some red flags... I once stopped pursuing a girl because she had a dog. She wasn't even some crazy dog person, she just had a dog and that was enough."

And now we know (kind of)! It's because you didn't put out, or he wants someone with different hair, or myriad other reasons. Either way, worrying about it will turn you into an anxious crone, so onto the next. Am I right?