I've been in a weird headspace lately which usually leads to me scrolling through Bad Places for fanfic to escape in. But those who have been around from the Early Days of this LJ will know that when I say BAD, I mean dreadful in the most delightful way. It's one of my happy places. Like watching Troll 2 or The Room. (Oh, hai Mairk.)

Let's have fun with a poll about fanfiction under the cut, shall we?*

*I do not in any way shape or form consider myself an expert (haha, you'll see why under the cut) writer or the gate keeper to what is right. This is my journal, and I'm having a go. Trust me, I'm harder on myself than anyone else ever could be. And boy, do they try to be hard on me. That's what she said. That made no sense, I realize that now.

COME ON, THAT'S FUNNY. (There's a very good reason why my journal name used to be Broken Inside.)

ION, I am baking an apple pie for Miss Emily, who turns ELEVEN tomorrow [oh my god, how?!?]. She requested a birthday pie instead of cake, because she's fun like that. (I made homemade vanilla bean ice cream earlier today so that it could firm up in the freezer overnight.)

[ETA] LJ is lying to those of you with b-day notifications. My birthday is not today, but the 8th.

And some really wrong ways, because I just had a full-body PTSD seizure remembering all those fics about the blonde slayer and her dark-haired, older vampire boyfriend and her red-headed witch/wiccan best friend.

Describing people in writing as "the [blonde/brunette/redhead]" is my personal pet peeve. It is 100% irrational, but what does "the blonde" or "the brunette" actually TELL us? Their hair colour? Is the narrator taking note of said hair colour while they esape the bad guy? Is the author trying to sneak in a blonde joke?

Look. You're good. Well...you're okay. You're pretty readable, I suppose. But we all can use some improvement, right? I just need you to stop referring to Burt Hummel as "The Grumbly Mechanic" and Tina as "The One Who Never Speaks."

Hearing those physical descriptors to tell me who the hell is even talked makes me CRAZY. (That and when they put a reaction from who's being spoken TO after the conversation so you have to go back and count to figure out who the hell is talking when.)

Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.