huh you're the girl with the funny voice you're in the army? ("deploy"?)

.....now, dear little fellow enfp, did you read the beginning of this thread (including my replies in the middle?) :P i'm almost sure you skipped most stuff, otherwise you wouldn't have replied like that but thank you for your input

I am.

I did read the entire OP... I skip other people's replies frequently, but I do take the time to read the OP.. Anyways, I was just saying that for a while, I was getting frustrated because I thought it was me.. or something I was doing. Once I noticed that it was a circumstance of situations, it was a bit soothing. I didn't feel like some noob falling in and out of relationships.

I was just saying it's worth looking at things like the kind of work you do, or other factors like that. I don't think you're some cursed dude unless your name happens to be Chuck. Since it's pinkgraffiti, I think you're safe on that. Maybe you're just looking at them all as collaborative efforts, when situations of the time could easily explain how some of them failed? It was just a suggestion.

Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

Hi, I'm sad. I just talked to my ex, in the space of 1 month that we're apart she already met someone else and introduced her to the parents. I haven't even met anyone new!

I don't know what's wrong with me, all my ex's seem to find their soul mates right after they break up with me. And I can't seem to be able to hold on to a relationship for more than.....9 months? I don't know, the rest of my life is going great, and I have a lot of friends and I think meaningful connections too, so why do I seem to be so shitty at this? And will it ever change?

I need some comfort please. Questions accepted.

EDIT: and to the person that thought it was more important to correct my vocabulary than to answer my post I tell you EXcapable, IScapable, BAMcapable and FREAKINGcapable.....did your brain explode yet?

it's ok, i seriously appreciated your help. but i just don't think it's the case. and i posted before about what i think the case is (i said i just realized i have insecurities regarding love, like feeling i'm imperfect and not worthy of love, especially with people that are closest to me). so really, at this stage i was just trying to find out how that connects to my mbti/enneagram.

Originally Posted by kyuuei

I did read the entire OP... I skip other people's replies frequently, but I do take the time to read the OP..

You are an E__P SX...long term commitment is not a strong point. As you said you seek intimacy (some people don't want to go that deep). In long term relationships the tendency is towards comfort and the longer the relationship lasts the less intense it gets, people like falling into a more comfortable routine. I imagine this is where your insecurities come into play because it doesn't feel the same way as it did in the beginning..so you become aggressive and seek confirmation. That is annoying at best and scary at worst. It is also a relationship red flag.

You are probably intense and the experience of being with you makes it clear for the other people that they wanted someone stable with whom they can become comfortable. Most people don't need it to be intense and interesting all the time, they just want someone loving and reliable. Your need for confirmation points towards you having this need which is not shared by everyone.

In time relationships cool down, you will have to understand this eventually and counteract your insecurities about how much others love you. o.o it sux to be an idealist sx sometimes huh?

^^ don't worry, the right one will come along one day. Just work on yourself slowly, develop trust. A relationship is nothing without trust.

You are an E__P SX...long term commitment is not a strong point. As you said you seek intimacy (some people don't want to go that deep). In long term relationships the tendency is towards comfort and the longer the relationship lasts the less intense it gets, people like falling into a more comfortable routine. I imagine this is where your insecurities come into play because it doesn't feel the same way as it did in the beginning..so you become aggressive and seek confirmation. That is annoying at best and scary at worst.

You are probably intense and the experience of being with you makes it clear for the other people that they wanted someone stable with whom they can become comfortable. Most people don't need it to be intense and interesting all the time, they just want someone loving and reliable. Your need for confirmation points towards you having this need which is not shared by everyone.

In time relationships cool down, you will have to understand this eventually and counteract your insecurities about how much others love you. o.o it sux to be an idealist sx sometimes huh?

^^ don't worry, the right one will come along one day. just work on yourself slowly.

I spent a lot of time in short (~6-9 month) relationships that would just be devastating for me when they ended. Usually the next girl the ex met would be the girl they ended up with. I think I'm "the one before The One" for like 4+ guys. In every case, I was more hurt by the fact that I haven't found my "The One" yet as opposed to wanting things to have worked out between myself and the other person. The short relationship thing isn't a marker for whether or not you are broken. The length of relationship has nothing to do with that. It has to do with how well you and the other person worked together (or not).

My current relationship is around 15 months old now. We've talked about getting married. Sometimes I think it will happen with him and other times I don't think it will. He's an INTP so I guess it takes a long time for him to make a decision. We're going through some stressful times right now (it just turned into a LDR a few months ago) so I can understand why he's reluctant, and on my side of things I wish he would be more emotionally supportive when I'm having a bad day - saying "just think happy thoughts!" doesn't really help (and yes, I've told him this). So I don't know. We'll see.

Even though the ex has gotten married or is in a new relationship, it doesn't mean that they are necessarily happy. Sometimes they are, but sometimes they are not. People can be just as miserable in a relationship as they are out of it.

Sometimes you find people who really work well with you, and other times not so much. It's difficult to learn how to determine that quickly, especially if you don't have a good model of a "working relationship" to go by. Sometimes it's hard to find someone who works well with you romantically. It's complicated. Sometimes you can find someone who works well with you romantically but it's not healthy.

But.....everyone! This is the forth relationship in a row. I either leave them or they leave me, the point is right after me they find their soulmate and it lasts forever. I see a pattern here. And I wonder what it is, so I can change what I'm doing wrong.

maybe you're doing something incredibly right, if you're tuning them such that they are capable of finding and keeping lasting love. i think ENFPs tend to do this to people, we help people find themselves, which will automatically help them identify someone who is really truly good for them.

i don't think it will last forever, though. because even if you stay the same, the people who you get together with will keep varying, and eventually one is likely to resonate completely enough with you that it will work out. so many times it seems like people are doing something really wrong (pushing the other person away) and then wondering why their relationships always go south, but it doesn't sound like that from your post. i think probably it's just that the chances of meeting a soulmate on the first (or second, or third, or fourth) try are low, and you'll need to go through a few before you find a keeper.

though, you could also try writing details about the relationships and their patterns down and seeing if there's anything that's consistent right before the breakup, or in the reasons why you broke up, and then trying to look at that and see if you can improve anything there. personally i know i tend to freak out and push people away at the slightest hint of tension in the relationship, and i tend to try to hide not-so-cute facets of myself, so i've been working hard on those things.

Originally Posted by Rim

You are an E__P SX...long term commitment is not a strong point. As you said you seek intimacy (some people don't want to go that deep). In long term relationships the tendency is towards comfort and the longer the relationship lasts the less intense it gets, people like falling into a more comfortable routine. I imagine this is where your insecurities come into play because it doesn't feel the same way as it did in the beginning..so you become aggressive and seek confirmation. That is annoying at best and scary at worst. It is also a relationship red flag.

You are probably intense and the experience of being with you makes it clear for the other people that they wanted someone stable with whom they can become comfortable. Most people don't need it to be intense and interesting all the time, they just want someone loving and reliable. Your need for confirmation points towards you having this need which is not shared by everyone.

In time relationships cool down, you will have to understand this eventually and counteract your insecurities about how much others love you. o.o it sux to be an idealist sx sometimes huh?

aaaand Rim wins the thread. thank you for x-raying me too, Rim
seriously i'm printing this out and pinning it up so i can read it from time to time...