Confessions of a pastor's kid

Judge Judy

Yes we watch it, so don’t bother heaping any more low brow scorn upon us than we have upon ourselves already.

It should also be noted that she made 47 million bucks last year and is worth 400 mil, so…

I’ve been watching how she gets at the truth when everybody lies and it’s fascinating. I have this Canadian naivety made much worse because of the home I grew up in in regards to telling the truth, meaning I lied to my father one time that I can recall and I still remember the crestfallen look on his face when he realized someone he’d invested so much in could hate him enough to tell a lie.

We now have two rules in our house. 1. Never tell a lie, it’s the worse thing you can do. 2. Talk nice to mom or live with someone else’s mom.

Now I know the natural response is “everybody lies a little”. This is what liars say who have never been the honest person in a relationship with a liar. It is likely the most devastating feeling in the world to wake up one day having loved someone so much who didn’t love you back. Love can be blind sometimes.

I used to think I could pay a price and somehow redeem a liar, but that’s not true. The only way to change a liar is for the liar to do the work.

“But do I have to say everything that’s true all of the time?”

No, but everything you say has to be the truth, and not a version of it you decided for them. That’s a way to tell if you’re a liar… when you make a mistake do you tell them the worst part first, or do they get to go on the asking questions merry go round?

Liars are either:

A. Hiding something

B. Want something

C. Lazy

D. Cowards

E. All of the above

Judge Judy informs us that if you’re a liar you secretly think you’re smarter than everybody else. Why else do you take it upon yourself to decide what someone needs to hear? How proud a liar is! “Youonly need to know this… And youonly need to know this… I don’t value you as a person at all. Let me decide for you what you should think.”

Judge Judy has spent decades sorting out liars from people with character, but she has a relatively easy job because she doesn’t have to live with a liar like your family does.

“But I lie to protect myself!” – Garbage

“I lie because she’ll get angry!” – Coward. Sheshouldget mad when you mess up her life, that’s normal. And you should take the heat for it. Also normal.

“They hurt me so I don’t have to tell the truth!” – Right. You’re the one who’s hurt now? That’s dirty pool in an argument. Honest people get hurt as much as anyone but don’t use it as an excuse to become just as terrible as the people who hurt them.

My dad has no place in his head for someone who lies. He’s honest and doesn’t fudge anything ever, and he gives people the benefit of the doubt and has a huge heart. But I’ve seen liars take advantage of him because he actually plays by a set of rules called Decency. But liars aren’t decent people.

I used to be soft on liars because I thought it was a character flaw like being impatient or panicking about stupid things until I found out that it’s like bringing a gun to a water balloon fight. Now I bring the hammer down and watch their response. A good person caught in a lie immediately feels terrible and embarrassed, experiencing fully the hurt they’ve caused another inside their own heart.

A career liar gets angry, then they have the nerve to tell me that I’VE HURT THEM?!!! That I’m the one who’s lying?

Now I Judge Judy them.

I don’t give a liar the benefit of the doubt EVER anymore because that’s what’s enabled them to be what they are! Now I push and keep bringing up what they said, and every single time they try to twist my words and bring my motives into doubt I push back and say “I didn’t say that. I didn’t say it like that. You said ____. No, you actually said ____! You don’t get to change the story now. That’s called lying. Liars don’t get to feel hurt. No, I won’t feel sorry for you. No, I’m not the one who lied, you are” ad nauseam.

Look I’ll forgive them either way because that’s what Christians do, but my standard for being in proximity to you is the truth. Every time. If you don’t want that you don’t want a relationship with me. It’s not my call it’s yours, but I’ll abide by it.

I’ve had to deal with the fallout on the other side of families being destroyed and children paying the price. At least I’m giving them the opportunity on the front end to live clean. Liars end up by themselves and that’s no fun, so I’ll risk a little venom to give them a shot at something better.

The first lie a liar tells buries a phrase so deep in their psyche that only incredible pain and honesty can expose it and fix them: