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Time Required

At least 15 minutes for writing the letter and at least 30 minutes for the visit

How to Do It

Call to mind someone who did something for you for which you are extremely grateful but to whom you never expressed your deep gratitude. This could be a relative, friend, teacher, or colleague. Try to pick someone who is still alive and could meet you face-to-face in the next week. It may be most helpful to select a person or act that you haven’t thought about for a while—something that isn’t always on your mind.

Now, write a letter to one of these people, guided by the following steps.

Write as though you are addressing this person directly (“Dear ______”)

Don’t worry about perfect grammar or spelling.

Describe in specific terms what this person did, why you are grateful to this person, and how this person’s behavior affected your life. Try to be as concrete as possible.

Describe what you are doing in your life now and how you often remember his or her efforts.

Try to keep your letter to roughly one page (~300 words).

Next, you should try if at all possible to deliver your letter in person, following these steps:

Plan a visit with the recipient. Let that person know you’d like to see him or her and have something special to share, but don’t reveal the exact purpose of the meeting.

When you meet, let the person know that you are grateful to them and would like to read a letter expressing your gratitude; ask that he or she refrain from interrupting until you’re done.

Take your time reading the letter. While you read, pay attention to his or her reaction as well as your own.

After you have read the letter, be receptive to his or her reaction and discuss your feelings together.

Remember to give the letter to the person when you leave.

If physical distance keeps you from making a visit, you may choose to arrange a phone or video chat.

Difficulty: Moderate|
Frequency: Variable|
Duration: 30 mins

(3 member ratings)

Why You Should Try It

Feeling gratitude can improve health and happiness; expressing gratitude also strengthens relationships. Yet sometimes expressions of thanks can be fleeting and superficial. This exercise encourages you to express gratitude in a thoughtful, deliberate way by writing—and, ideally, delivering—a letter of gratitude to a person you have never properly thanked.

Difficulty: Moderate|
Frequency: Variable|
Duration: 30 mins

(3 member ratings)

Evidence That It Works

When researchers tested five different exercises, the gratitude visit showed the greatest positive effect on participants’ happiness one month later; however, six months after the visit, their happiness had dropped back down to where it was before. This is why some researchers suggest doing this exercise once every six weeks or so.

Also, 2009 research led by Jeffrey Froh found that adolescents who don’t generally experience positive emotions showed a significant boost in positive emotions two months after doing a gratitude visit.

Research suggests that while there are benefits simply to writing the letter, you reap significantly greater benefits from delivering and reading it in person.

Difficulty: Moderate|
Frequency: Variable|
Duration: 30 mins

(3 member ratings)

Why It Works

The letter affirms positive things in your life and reminds you how others have cared for you—life seems less bleak and lonely if someone has taken such a supportive interest in us. Visiting the giver allows you to strengthen your connection with her and remember how others value you as an individual.

For More

Writing and delivering a Gratitude Letter is a powerful way to connect with those who have helped you. Do you have an attitude of gratitude? Take our Gratitude quiz to find out:

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Comments & Reviews

Leon Kneemoi

January 30, 2018

Performing this activity 1x per week may be more effective. Pursuing Happiness: The Architecture of Sustainable Change Review of General Psychology DOI: 10.1037/1089-2680.9 The second intervention tested a cognitive happiness-increasing activity. Recently, Emmons and McCullough (2003) found that practicing grateful thinking on a regular basis can enhance concurrent well-being. Gratitude promotes the savoring of positive life experiences and situations so that maximum satisfaction and enjoyment are distilled from one’s circumstances. As noted earlier, this practice may directly counteract the effects of hedonic adaptation by helping people extract as much appreciation from the good things in their lives as possible. In addition, the ability to appreciate their life circumstances may also be an adaptive coping strategy by which people positively reinterpret stressful or negative life experiences, bolster coping resources, and strengthen social relationships. Finally, the practice of gratitude appears to be incompatible with negative emotions and thus may reduce feelings of envy, anger, or greed. Thus, in the second 6-week intervention, students were instructed to contemplate “the things for which they are grateful” either once a week or three times a week. Examples of “blessings” listed by students included “a healthy body,” “my mom,” and “AOL instant messenger.” Control participants completed only the happiness assessments. The results again suggested that short-term increases in happiness are possible and, furthermore, that optimal timing is important. In summary, students who regularly expressed gratitude showed increases in well being over the course of the study relative to controls, BUT THESE INCREASES WERE OBSERVED ONLY AMONG STUDENTS WHO PERFORMED THE ACTIVITY JUST ONCE A WEEK. Perhaps counting their blessings several times a week led people to become bored with the practice, finding it less fresh and meaningful over time. Additionally, having the ability to access the quiz section would be helpful for understanding one’s own relationship with gratitude.

maricarmen

March 15, 2017

I can't take the quiz

Daria

November 2, 2016

A few years ago I wrote and mailed a gratitude letter to a woman who had helped me feel better about myself in childhood. I wrote it approximately 50 years after a particularly helpful incident and wanted to let her know how important her help had been to me not only then but throughout my growing up years. I did not receive a response from her. But I ran into her niece, a former next-door neighbor, at my oldest brother's funeral, and she made a point to tell me that her Aunt had my letter sitting out in front of her everyday and how happy it had made her. Giving back to people who are meaningful is such a blessing. I felt doubly blessed by receiving this feedback, knowing that my letter was important enough to grace her surrounds.

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