11 Warning Signs of Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic used to gain power. And it works too well.

Gaslighting is a tactic in which a person or entity, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. It works much better than you may think. Anyone is susceptible to gaslighting, and it is a common technique of abusers, dictators, narcissists, and cult leaders. It is done slowly, so the victim doesn't realize how much they've been brainwashed. For example, in the movie Gaslight(1944), a man manipulates his wife to the point where she thinks she is losing her mind.

People who gaslight typically use the following techniques:

1. They tell blatant lies.

You know it's an outright lie. Yet they are telling you this lie with a straight face. Why are they so blatant? Because they're setting up a precedent. Once they tell you a huge lie, you're not sure if anything they say is true. Keeping you unsteady and off-kilter is the goal.

2. They deny they ever said something, even though you have proof.

You know they said they would do something; you know you heard it. But they out and out deny it. It makes you start questioning your reality—maybe they never said that thing. And the more they do this, the more you question your reality and start accepting theirs.

3. They use what is near and dear to you as ammunition.

They know how important your kids are to you, and they know how important your identity is to you. So those may be one of the first things they attack. If you have kids, they tell you that you should not have had those children. They will tell you'd be a worthy person if only you didn't have a long list of negative traits. They attack the foundation of your being.

4. They wear you down over time.

This is one of the insidious things about gaslighting—it is done gradually, over time. A lie here, a lie there, a snide comment every so often...and then it starts ramping up. Even the brightest, most self-aware people can be sucked into gaslighting—it is that effective. It's the "frog in the frying pan" analogy: The heat is turned up slowly, so the frog never realizes what's happening to it.

5. Their actions do not match their words.

When dealing with a person or entity that gaslights, look at what they are doing rather than what they are saying. What they are saying means nothing; it is just talk. What they are doing is the issue.

6. They throw in positive reinforcement to confuse you.

This person or entity that is cutting you down, telling you that you don't have value, is now praising you for something you did. This adds an additional sense of uneasiness. You think, "Well maybe they aren't so bad." Yes, they are. This is a calculated attempt to keep you off-kilter—and again, to question your reality. Also look at what you were praised for; it is probably something that served the gaslighter.

7. They know confusion weakens people.

Gaslighters know that people like having a sense of stability and normalcy. Their goal is to uproot this and make you constantly question everything. And humans' natural tendency is to look to the person or entity that will help you feel more stable—and that happens to be the gaslighter.

8. They project.

They are a drug user or a cheater, yet they are constantly accusing you of that. This is done so often that you start trying to defend yourself, and are distracted from the gaslighter's own behavior.

9. They try to align people against you.

Gaslighters are masters at manipulating and finding the people they know will stand by them no matter what—and they use these people against you. They will make comments such as, "This person knows that you're not right," or "This person knows you're useless too." Keep in mind it does not mean that these people actually said these things. A gaslighter is a constant liar. When the gaslighter uses this tactic it makes you feel like you don't know who to trust or turn to—and that leads you right back to the gaslighter. And that's exactly what they want: Isolation gives them more control.

Source: StockLite/Shutterstock

10. They tell you or others that you are crazy.

This is one of the most effective tools of the gaslighter, because it's dismissive. The gaslighter knows if they question your sanity, people will not believe you when you tell them the gaslighter is abusive or out-of-control. It's a master technique.

11. They tell you everyone else is a liar.

By telling you that everyone else (your family, the media) is a liar, it again makes you question your reality. You've never known someone with the audacity to do this, so they must be telling the truth, right? No. It's a manipulation technique. It makes people turn to the gaslighter for the "correct" information—which isn't correct information at all.

The more you are aware of these techniques, the quicker you can identify them and avoid falling into the gaslighter's trap.

Oh...like what the Dumbacrsts have done to the inner city for decades. Oh...like what Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have done for decades. Oh...I see what you mean now. The Dumbacrsts are keeping the inner city poor, keep telling them to continue to vote for me as I'm your voice, keeping telling them how the rebulicans are hurting them, keep telling them to give me money as I'm your voice...while things are getting much worse...then fund BLM and to start riots and so-called protests because, well...to destroy and cause more racial divide all to fund the pockets of Dumbacrsts. Yes...now I know what Gaslighting is now.

Seeing as though we're talking politics on a psychology website, it's interesting how defensive you are about this. It seems like this issue bothers you. Why are you so defensive if you are completely secure in your opinions? This shouldn't matter, you shouldn't be upset with this theory that Trump uses gas-lighting as a political tactic. It also makes me wonder why you would even come to this site. Either way, you shouldn't be upset about this if you are completely secure in your opinions and decision making. Have a good day!

Seeing as though we're talking politics on a psychology website, it's interesting how defensive you are about this. It seems like this issue bothers you. Why are you so defensive if you are completely secure in your opinions? This shouldn't matter, you shouldn't be upset with this theory that Trump uses gas-lighting as a political tactic. It also makes me wonder why you would even come to this site. Either way, you shouldn't be upset about this if you are completely secure in your opinions and decision making. Have a good day!

Sad! Hit the nail on the head. Gaslighting is a well known and well documented psychological manipulation technique. It's interesting how one side of this debate finds a simple academic topic so deviceive and objectionable.

Oh, you were describing President Trump? The guy who has been in office for 5 days...oops 7 days. I was quite sure you were warning us about the dangers of Hillary Clinton. You failed to give a name in the article, and as a deplorable....I am not so very intelligent.
Now, I did not vote for the man, but so far he appears to be doing exactly was he said he would do during his campaign....and he has done it openly and without apology. So although he may be a self absorbed prick, I don't think he fits in the category of "Gaslighter". On the other hand, your description certainly fits congress....and many many politicians IMO.....but I am just a plebeian...and it is not my place to question a renowned erudite such as yourself.

"Deplorable#3," are you identifying with being a xenophobe? Consciously, i mean? As politically inept as HRC's use of that word was, she was only applying it to xenophobes and hate mongers, so what does it mean when people take on that label with pride even? Dumbfounding ...
But it seems also that you are blinding yourself to how many ways DDT (my name for him - and you could say he's even gas lighting us with his middle initial masking reality - why does he emphasize the "J" so often? i say it's cuz he's toxic and should have also been outlawed in the 1970's but is trying to lead us away from that realization) - how many ways DDT is not just the 'self absorbed prick' you acknowledge but also gaslighting - which is not about his policies per se but about all the lies he makes up to justify his policies ... He has never based a single policy position of his (even when he talks out of both sides of his mouth on a given issue) on actual facts. He not only delusionally insists he won the popular vote or that he had the biggest inaugural crowd ever, he claims (most days) that there's no global warming, that refugees aren't being fully vetted when they are, that immigrants are flooding across the southern border when in fact there is a net emigration, not immigration, plus no President in history has deported more immigrants than Obama has, that our crime rate has been rising catastrophically when in fact it has been falling, that he's orchestrated a saving of jobs when in fact the jobs were already slated to return - or hiding the fact that he sold out taxpayers in order to retain jobs by rewarding the CEOs instead of taxing them like he claimed would be his tactic,... and on and on and on ...
He's gaslighting you ... and all of us, like we've never seen before ... Recommended strategy: Stop identifying with being a 'deplorable'

As someone that was raised by a narcissist & had what he was doing to me confirmed as gaslighting by a therapist DDT is a gaslighting machine. Seriously. Now you come across like a lot of victims of gaslighting, so desperate to believe what the gaslighter is saying, because otherwise you think admitting, even to yourself, you've been fooled for years means admitting you you are a fool for all the things you believed.. Hell they get you so messed up you gaslight yourself. I see so many Trump supporters doing Where it's the first step to taking back control of your life & learning to think for yourself, is to realize that nothing you do or say is going to make a Gaslighters lies true and they sure as hell will never tell the truth to anyone, specially you.

Oh, you were describing President Trump? The guy who has been in office for 5 days...oops 7 days. I was quite sure you were warning us about the dangers of Hillary Clinton. You failed to give a name in the article, and as a deplorable....I am not so very intelligent.
Now, I did not vote for the man, but so far he appears to be doing exactly was he said he would do during his campaign....and he has done it openly and without apology. So although he may be a self absorbed prick, I don't think he fits in the category of "Gaslighter". On the other hand, your description certainly fits congress....and many many politicians IMO.....but I am just a plebeian...and it is not my place to question a renowned erudite such as yourself.

Just because one does what one says he or she will do doesn't make it right.

You are right on the money with your comment! Anyone completely against President Trump has been gaslighted by the media, fake news, the Democratic party, and almost all of Hollywood. With all of shouting, shaming, and blatant lies about the President, one thing comes to my mind..."ME THINKS THOU DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH". Why do you think they, the Democrats, hate him so much? Because they are losing their control over you and everything, and they can't stand hearing the truth! So they think if they shout over it loud and long enough, that they'll still hold their control over all Americans. You don't call that Gaslighting? You think this is off the subject? This is one of the best examples of gaslighting. And if you refuse to even entertain the thought that this could be the truth, well, then they already have full control over your mind. You drank the kool-aid.

I I'd like to point out that they aren't talking politics on a psychology website. Someone bought a website named Alternative Facts and they redirected it to Psychology Today's web page on gaslighting.

One can be completely secure in his or her opinion and still have strong emotions about the subject. For example, if a murdered just murdered an innocent victim, one can still be very angry about this situation.

Hahaha yeah that's it, and the Donald is gonna make America great again by rolling everything back 50 years, and help the middle class by cutting funding for everything except the special interests of himself and his rich cronies! You're a special kind of stupid aren't you?

Oh...like what the Dumbacrsts have done to the inner city for decades. Oh...like what Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have done for decades. Oh...I see what you mean now. The Dumbacrsts are keeping the inner city poor, keep telling them to continue to vote for me as I'm your voice, keeping telling them how the rebulicans are hurting them, keep telling them to give me money as I'm your voice...while things are getting much worse...then fund BLM and to start riots and so-called protests because, well...to destroy and cause more racial divide all to fund the pockets of Dumbacrsts. Yes...now I know what Gaslighting is now.

You just provided a perfect example of how Gaslighting works. Good job.

TrumPutinski is the worst loser ever...lost by 2.86 million votes...fifty electors were not qualified...and his tax returns are being audited into unvarying timelessness. More of the same here by Jenn. Defending, deflecting, scolding, accusing, lying, bragging, crying alternative facts; nothing to see here folks, but, lots of snowflake users transferring and projecting.

When a political party has no scruples, no empathy for approximately 90% of our citizens, no trust in scientific thinking, no use for the Humanities, who believe the environment is there to be exploited and destroyed and will do almost anything to win elections; from blatant voter suppression, to establish the worst gerrymandering in the history of America, they can only teach their Trumpanzees the use of a go to slurs--Snowflakes and Alternative Facts.

I am being completely sincere...as I read your article I was agreeing with everthing, thinking that you were referring to Democrats, because everything described them perfectly. Then I realized you were talking about our President. I totally disagree with you, but can you see that people can say the exact same things about democrats, Hollywood, and the media? I am totally for President Trump, but at the worst, I say to you, "If all that were true about Trump, then you have to see that all of that is also true of democrats, fake news, Hollywood, and the media".

MAGA is gaslighting - dismissive, blatant lies, picking on things the target holds dear such as equality. Whether MAGA believes them or not, any person who repeats such bluster is culpable.

To everyone else, let's call it as we see it in everyday interactions. We don't need be distracted by what is gas lighting or not. Rise above it by being accountable for our claims and reaching across divisions.

I'm still waiting for someone to point out what would've made Hillary such a great president. All people can do is slam Trump. One of Hillary's agendas would've been to give constant vaccinations. Half the population would be developmentally impaired by 2025. Is that good?????

You hard-hiney guys are on the right track. Call them like you see them...and you're both aware that you are using the information to quarrel with the other, right?

So seems like we agree, 'manipulation does take place', and you have both insisted that both our political partisan groups
engage in it.
History did NOT end with Machiavelli, and techniques and means of manipulation have gotten more efficient.
We're adults here: why should we be astonished at any of this? I was told by supposed witnesses that even back in the days of Hitler's great stadium rallies there were powerful sound trucks deployed to broadcast recordings of crowd
applause, etc. These infallibly start and build crowd enthusiasm, and have worked for various kinds of large-scale entertainment since then.

Citizens, gentlefolk, sheath your sneers. Such do not advance all of us teammates. Please: read as much as you can about current cutting-edge personal and crowd persuasion...get some training. It's out there, and, if it's being used to take advantage of weaker people, you can step in. If you value America, overall.
Maybe I presume...

Glad to see you finished your Kool-Aid maga. I am amazed people like you still exist, walking upright without dragging your knuckles on the ground. What has to happen that will convince you of the idiocy of your ways? Is it more pathetic namecalling that you enjoy so much? Is it more childish fingerpointing and abject ignorance? Good luck in the coming MAGA armageddon and don't forget to blame the party not in power for all the radiation. If you can't tell whether it's day or night that's either nuclear winter or your head is buried so far up your own body cavity that day and night are one. Have fun in your echo chamber! I_m_b_e_c_i_l_e_!

Thank you for your post. You really opened my eyes. As I read it I thought "Oh my gosh, that IS Exactly what the Democratic party is doing!". I never would have thought about that. But that is the epitome of gaslighting. I never have understood BLM and the people that support it. They are making the divide between races even bigger, especially at the cost of people with white skin. I'm dumbfounded on how BLM followers put themselves above every other race, like for example, the Jewish race. There are no other races kicking, screaming, protesting, and demanding that all Americans must put them on a pedistool.
Thank you for your courage in speaking the truth!

Those comments are text book examples.
I can't believe how every quality of a gaslighter applies so effortlessly to that maniac in D.C.
I am so thankful that I am NOT an American.
I lived in the USA for almost 10 years.
It doesn't matter where you are on this planet, anything that ge does affects all of us.

We don't know for sure about politicians. They are pretty much all scum. Don't be so sure about Trump, it took pigs to get us intp tis mess.The most respectable among us wouldn't want to be in govt at high levels would they. Have you heard Judge Jeanine? She makes so me good point.

I don't consider it to be "lying" when someone states something (a plan, a goal, an opinion) that they honestly believe at the time it was said, but remains open to new facts or insights. As in the song "Amazing Grace."

This comment is the perfect example of gas lighting. You immediately question if it was a lie to begin with. A good rule of thumb in this situation is to turn off your hearing aid and take things for face value. He was wrong to begin with, regardless of intention.