Put what happened at this place friday on the back burner. It’s Monday so I have anxiety of course as to “why didn’t you do, this that or the other thing” which may or may not come from said human.

So much for staying out of it. Last night, this program came on TV, I’m never up all that late but they were talking about boundaries, puppeteer’s, controlling people, etc., etc., I always say how things come to me as to what I need and I found this particularly interesting because the manner in which the person on tv was discussing it was spot on. As I watched it, I thought… Youuuu idiot. WHAT have YOU done? Bu… bu… I did it for the individual and the kids.

Shit.

Higher boundaries, I can smell them from here. This one person is such a slick manipulator that doesn’t hit you until a day or so later. I’m impressed. They know it. So do I. Not that the ones I have aren’t THIS HIGH already however first I thought… wtf did I just do? Then I thought about the other parties and the questions they may ask. They all grill one another and I thought, I don’t fall for that shit. What they do is repeat things with a twist, i.e., they give it the meaning they want it to have to serve themselves. They’re quite good at it.

The relationships they were talking about in the program as to the things we allow people to get away with weren’t work related, however they are work related because all this garbage has been at almost every firm I’ve been in. So the reality if I didn’t realize it already is verbally abusive controlling fuck with you relationships exhist at work however the books I’ve read, and there could be others, are all about personal relationships where you are the significant other. There haaaaaaaaazzz to be one some where about it. Oh yeah, the ones about team building and all the good coachy shit. :) WHUT was I thinking?

Remember how I said the other day how everything we do, we do for us? I want my environment better I do x, y, z. Was I completely selfless here? Good intentions, yes. Selfless? No. I put it on the back burner in my head, the show came on and I thought, I did this for me just as much as said individual and kids. The illusion (literally) is while I would like this person to see what they are dealing with they are a part of this situation and in helping them, perhaps the environment would change because I’ve done this good thing. Something they hadn’t been able to “yet”. But this isn’t entirely true, because they are who they are and that is not going to change.

The other person was having a fit one day and said how they got this new person to help me. Very nice, a lie however very nice. They didn’t anticipate how much work they had, there’s no way possible I could do all of it, it’s for a couple people not just one, so that’s not about me at all. It’s about the very real fact they should have kept the other person until they saw how much work they had, mismanaged same and further… the new person is for them, not me. It’s very simple. I have an occasion to go to? It’s on a friday, I bet .05 cents to anyone that the day before they will try to sabotage it. It is all about control and all that shit. There’s always a hook at the end of such things. Always. The good part is said human I was speaking to will not tell them anything. I have nothing to hide however that privacy is best. Surface non responsive answers are good enough. No, I don’t feel bad for doing what I felt was the right thing to do, not at all. I simply know it comes with other things.

I want something alright. I want it all to get nice and calm and not affect me. That is not going to happen here. Boundary 502 STFU and GTFU. I think what’s hilarious (in that OMFG way) is I actually believe, because I don’t think like them, anything would change at all. Well I have to get ready now. Said human bounced the new person’s check, mine’s bounced three times and fucked up my account. They paid all the fees, however that’s not really my point. It’s more about how their mismanagement of their life and what goes on in it has effected me. New girl texted me and I just laughed and explained it to her. Okay, Okay. I know. Interviews for new place for more of the same behavior because that’s the nature of the beast. I have tried to get into other things, they don’t respond. I don’t blame them, if I saw my resume I wouldn’t respond to me either. It’s the truth. Who wants to actually absorb that :) It’s nothing I’ve done but more the field and the people in it? Damn…