Pimp my Tweet – a BPO company specializing in Twitter

I remember the MTV show long time ago called, Pimp My Ride. But, how come there is no agency that can help give tweets a makeover? Most people write boring tweets that could stand a lot of improvement. There are after all 140 characters and endless tag variations to work with. With all of this flexibility, why is it that most people can’t tweet? Even the biggest profiles that I follow that have over a million followers write very dull tweets. They tweet the title of their blog instead of working some magic out of it most of the time. And when they do rephrase the tweet based on some juicy internal content, it still isn’t all that.

Here is some sales literature from a fictional India based social media BPO company.

Pimp My Tweet BPO Pvt. Ltd.

Tired of the same old lame-ass tweets?
It’s time to put some style in your Twitter handle.
Here is what our experts recommend!

If the tweet don’t flow — then it must go
If the tweet ain’t hype, you must retype
If the link don’t fit, you must find wit
If you put your tag in the wrong spot—good job – Not!

For the dopest, phattest tweets around, come to Pimp My Tweet BPO.

(ring, ring)

SUJATA: Thank you for calling Pimp My Tweet BPO, this is Sujata, how may I help you?

CLIENT: Yes, my Tweets are quite boring actually. I was hoping that you could help.

SUJATA: Yes, we can help jazz up your tweets. Let me take a look…. (pause) Oh, I see the problem.

CLIENT: Were you able to take a look at my work?

SUJATA: Yes. It is not (pause) bad… But, it is too straight. You just tweet straight facts and basic sentences. You need to put some play in yo jive.

CLIENT: Wait a second. You are located in Bangalore, and you know 1970’s Bronx street slang?

SUJATA: Well, it’s actually a problem you see. If aunty ever finds out I work for a company whose title includes the name pimp, I’m in huge trouble. I have rehearsed what I’m going to tell her if there is a problem. It is a typo, and it was supposed to be “Pin My Tweet” — on Pinterest, you know. Aunty is used to typos, they make a lot of them where she works.

CLIENT: Got it. I know how that is. I was at a hamburger spot in Chennai called Mary Brown, and they spelled Mary like Marry which means to have a wedding, etc., if it has two r’s. Comical actually.

SUJATA: You sound like a character. Which makes you 139 short of a full tweet. Well Anyway, you basically need to put some strut to get out of your rut. Do some jive to get out of your hive, and most of all — don’t tag outside your territory, or that could cause a turf war.

CLIENT: Oh, you mean graffiti? Well, the internet isn’t like that.

SUJATA: I know that, but we are trying to appeal to New York Street sensibilities. Our clients grew up on the streets of New York. Generally on more affluent streets if they can afford us, but nonetheless they would be familiar with street culture.

CLIENT: The other companies can barely function in English, but you know our slang — at least the antiquated slang.

SUJATA: We aim(s) to please! And we’ll make your dull Twitter handle into the hippest, coolest, dopest account in Twitter history. Just give us a chance. We offer samples of our work for a low introductory offer. After that we have a contract for a monthly arrangement. 60 tweet revisions per month for one low price of rps3000 / month which is only about $60. And we have a viral surcharge. If any of our tweets go viral, we expect a generous tip.

CLIENT: You’ll get tips, referrals and more if you help me go viral. Thanks a bunch. I look forward to you guys pimping my tweets. Just don’t get up on my honeys.

SUJATA: Oh, no we wouldn’t think of it. And one more thing.

CLIENT: Yes

SUJATA: If you meet aunty on any subsequent trips to Chennai, please don’t mention that I work here. Let’s keep it between you and me. Can you dig it?