I read the Daily Fishwrap(s) so you don’t have to… is the tag line for this daily column. Some days I think it might be more appropriate to say ‘because you wouldn’t want to’.

So hold on to your blood pressure cuffs because today, we’ll be exploring the land of the absurd as portrayed in various news outlets around the country…

Washington’s Roll Call reported yesterday on a GOP polling effort right here in San Diego County’s 52 Congressional District. It’s well known that incumbent Brian Bilbray’s defeat by Democrat Scott Peters was a bitter pill for Republicans to swallow.

And local GOP leaders have made it perfectly clear that they’ll be back in the game, mounting a serious effort to retake that seat in 2014.

The poll informed likely voters that DeMaio is openly gay and he would prefer that the GOP focus on fixing the federal government’s finances rather than on social issues. According to the polling memo, the results of pitching that kind of a profile in this moderate district were encouraging across the political spectrum.

“The data from this survey shows that DeMaio could be very successful in a congressional race portraying himself as a ‘new generation Republican,’” Tarrance Group pollster Dave Sackett wrote.

The survey memo, obtained by CQ Roll Call, was paid for by the National Republican Congressional Committee.

Hmmm. When was the last time we heard the term ‘new generation Republican’ used? Oh yeah, wasn’t that Nathan Fletcher, the mayoral candidate who later ditched the Party?

And can you see the GOP TV ads, should an initiative on same sex marriage be on the ballot?

“Vote for our all-new gay candidate, because that’s the best we can do for their kind…”

No Repackaging Needed!

The Los Angeles Times reports that activists with the Tea Party Leadership Fund are fundraising for an effort to draft Sarah Palin to make a 2014 run for the Senate seat current held by Alaska Democrat Mark Begich:

Sarah Palin’s last elective position in Alaska ended early when in 2009 she abandoned the governorship midway through her first term.

But tea party activists appear eager for a comeback, urging supporters to contribute money toward recruiting Palin to run for the U.S.Senate in her home state, where, according to an email sent out this week, she has a “clear path” to defeat incumbent Democrat Mark Begich.

“You and I both know that Sarah Palin is a fighter who will stand up to Harry Reid and his pals in the Senate to protect our Constitution in issues like amnesty, gun control and our nation’s crushing debt,” said the email from Todd Cefaratti of the Tea Party Leadership Fund.

I think it’s really a fundraising scam, given that recent polling in Alaska has her popularity at an all-time low. And the fact that she’s living in Arizona most of the time these days might also prove to be a problem.

The Future of Great Moments in Politics

Since we’re talking about new opportunities on the Republican side of the aisle, we’d be remiss not to mention yesterday’s Washington Postarticle suggesting that Texas Senator Ted Cruz is considering a bid for the Presidency of these United States in 2016.

Friends of the senator tell National Review that he’s been listening to enthusiastic supporters and discussing the possible campaign with associates. “We all see a path, and he does, too,” one former colleague tells the magazine.

There’s no big surprise here. Conservatives have been buzzing about a potential Cruz candidacy for a while. And while he’s new to the Senate, by 2015 he will have spent as much time there as Barack Obama did before launching his first White House campaign. It’s already clear that he has no particular love for Congress; last weekend he called some of his Republican colleagues “squishes.”

He might appeal to primary voters who don’t like the immigration plan of Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.), a fellow Cuban American and likely candidate. Sarah Palin, who still has a loyal if limited fan base, is a big fan. (And while he was born in Canada, legal scholars generally agree that he can run.)

So he’s a first term Senator who was born to an American mother in a foreign country. I’ve never been a big fan of conspiracy freaks on either side of the aisle, but given the success of birther queen Orly Taitz in nurturing a right wing conspiracy cottage industry, there may be employment opportunities here for those folks no longer able to grab media attention by disrupting press conferences yelling about terrorism bombings.

Those of you who might be wondering about Senator Cruz’s qualifications for the top job should be reassured by reading all about the top five conspiracy theories he’s been known to tout, including the evil plot led by liberal billionaire George Soros to abolish the game of golf.

Great Moments in South Carolina Politics

The national GOP may have withdrawn from Mark Sanford’s campaign, but that hasn’t kept one backer from announcing that he intends to‘stand erect’ for the man.

Republican congressional candidate and former South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford (R), who abandoned his post in 2009 to visit Argentina with his mistress, received an unexpected endorsement from porn publisher Larry Flynt on Tuesday.

That might be good grist for his Democratic opponent, Elizabeth Colbert-Busch, but it’s also good for “Hustler” magazine proprietor Larry Flynt, who published a two-minute endorsement speech on Tuesday hailing Sanford as a “sex pioneer.”

“His open embrace of his mistress in the name of love, breaking his sacred marriage vows, was an act of bravery that has drawn my support,” Flynt says in the video.

Flynt sent along a check for the maximum allowable individual contribution of $2600.

How Many Republicans Does It Take to Screw in a Light Bulb?

It probably will come as surprise to many on the right side of the aisle, but National Geographic Magazinehas graduated from showing pictures of topless women in primitive cultures to articles about actual science and stuff.

They’ve published a story via their News Service (who knew?) about a study relating to the packaging of light bulbs. Read the lede, and then I’ll give the answer to the above question (no peeking):

How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb? A more intriguing question might be, “How many conservatives can you persuade to switch to energy-efficient light bulbs?” New research suggests that fewer will buy such bulbs when they’re labeled as being good for the environment, largely because the issue of carbon emission reductions is so politically polarizing in the United States.

“I think we’ve shown the negative consequences of environmental messaging,” explained Dena Gromet, of the WhartonSchool of theUniversity of Pennsylvania, lead author of a study published today in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. “In particular, you can lose significant portions of people who would otherwise be interested in these products when you use that environmental labeling.

I brought in our crack research team (aka Google) to answer the question posed here and the best answer seems to be:

A: THE BIBLE DOES *NOT* SAY *ANYTHING* ABOUT LIGHT BULBS!!!!

The Student Terrorists (And Dirty Dancers) Among Us

Although this item might seem to fall outside my ‘crazy Republicans’ theme today, I’ve included it because it does reflect on the culture of fear meme promulgated by the right.

The interwebs have been all a-twitter about the arrest and expulsion of Kiera Wilmot, a Florida high school student. Via Dispatches from the Underclass: (Emphasis Mine)

Kiera Roslyn Wilmot, a 16-year-old Florida high school student, had everything going for her as a top-notch student at BartowHigh School. But all that changed on Monday, April 23, when Wilmot was arrested and charged with two felonies for “possession/discharge of a weapon on school grounds and discharging a destructive device.” She has been expelled and will be tried as an adult.

It all sounds pretty scary until you get to the description of this so-called “device”: two household chemicals mixed into an eight-ounce plastic water bottle, which caused the top to pop off and created some smoke. That’s it. No one was hurt, no property was damaged.

Wilmot insisted she was just conducting a science experiment to determine how the two chemicals would react. After the pop, she didn’t run or hide. Her friends and even the principle of her school agree that it was simply a “science project gone bad.”

I’m surprised this event hasn’t been picked up by the news media and portrayed as part of a national conspiracy. After all, a 10News report the day before this Florida incident detailed a very similar ‘bombing’ right here in San Diego:

Three boys were detained Monday afternoon after allegedly setting off at least one possible bottle bomb near CarmelValleyMiddle School, authorities said.

San Diego police said a student told a school administrator of a juvenile allegedly detonating a homemade device in a field at a recreation center near the campus, which is located on Mykonos Lane.

San Diego police and the Metro Arson Strike Team were called in to investigate.

And those students who aren’t busy building bombs these days are, no doubt, working hard to undermine the morals of This Great Nation. I mean, who needs bombs, when you’ve got dirty dancing? From UT-San Diego:

A group of high school students has been suspended from ScrippsRanchHigh School and may not be able to attend prom or walk during commencement ceremonies because of a video made at school that depicts “twerking,” a suggestive manner of dancing.

Parents and students confirmed that many were suspended and told not to return to school until Friday. School board member Kevin Beiser said he was told 31 students were suspended.

Now I’m sure there will be some concerned individual who will write to warn us all about the danger of bottle bombs and dirty dancing: “My cousin’s best friend lost three fingers and got the crabs”. So, yes, kids don’t try this at home or (god forbid) at school.

In the meantime, I wonder how the waterboarding is going with the Florida suspect.

Wrapping Up This Tour of the Absurd

Amanda Terkel over at the Huffington Post ran with a great story yesterday about Sen. Pat Toomey (R-Pa.), who revealed during an interview that some members of his party opposed expanding background checks for gun sales recently because they didn’t want to “be seen helping the president.”

“In the end it didn’t pass because we’re so politicized. There were some on my side who did not want to be seen helping the president do something he wanted to get done, just because the president wanted to do it,” Toomey admitted on Tuesday in an interview with Digital First Media editors in the offices of the Times Herald newspaper in Norristown, Pa.

This story about Republicans saying no on background checks because of the ‘colored’ guy in the White House provides the perfect set up for the latest video from the Republican National Committee, which blames the President for the bill’s failure. Via Huffington Post:

The Republican National Committee touted the failure of a bipartisan background check amendment in a web ad released Wednesday, despite the fact that the measure is broadly supported by the public and senators who voted against it have seen their popularity drop.

The one-minute video uses a compilation of news footage, with one reporter saying that President Barack Obama has faced a “string of defeats in Congress,” and another pointing out that “the gun bill failed.”

…

At the 19-second mark in the ad, Obama can be seen consoling Nicole Hockley after the Senate defeated the background check bill. Hockley lost her 6-year-old son, Dylan, in the Sandy HookElementary School shooting.

I don’t know about you, but I’m about all snarked out. And I didn’t even include stories about how Congressman Darrell Issa says that military intervention in Syria is needed because “Christianity”, or about the two year old girl in Kentucky who was shot by her 5 year old brother. (The National Rifle Association lobbied for language that was included in the Affordable Health Care Act that restricts the ability of pediatricians to talk about guns with patients.)

On This Day: 1902 – “A Trip to the Moon,” the first science fiction film, was released. It was created by magician George Melies. 1933 – Hitler banned trade unions in Germany. 1980 – The South African government banned the Pink Floyd song “Another Brick in the Wall (Part II).”

Doug Porter

Doug Porter was active in the early days of the alternative press in San Diego, contributing to the OB Liberator, the print version of the OB Rag, the San Diego Door, and the San Diego Street Journal. He went on to have a 35-year career in the Hospitality business and decided to go back into raising hell when he retired. He won numerous awards for his columns from the Society of Professional Journalists in 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016 and 2017. Doug is a cancer survivor (sans vocal chords) and lives in North Park.

Comments

I was talking to a (former) Scott Peters staffer a couple of weeks ago, and this person was mentioning the GOP efforts to promote DeMaio to run against Peters. I said that DeMaio is toxic around these parts now after that debacle of a mayoral race. The guy is slick, but he would be a worse candidate than Bilbray was.

I mean, can anyone imagine in this day and age electing an anti-gay gay politician to Congress from San Diego?

Personally, I hope DeMaio does run. It would certainly make for an interesting circus, and I think Peters is savvy enough and smart enough to pretty much crush him. The only reason DeMaio was able to be competitive against Filner was because of Filner’s perceived baggage, and Filner still won rather handily. Peters has none of that, and has been decidedly moderate thus far in his first term, reflective of the district he represents.

I was on a snark hunt yesterday myself, and found that up there in the 52nd District the Tarrance poll had DeMaio 10 points ahead of Scott Peters among 404 “likely voters.” Didn’t the SD UT have DeMaio ahead of Filner in the mayoral race by the same margin. (We need to counsel readers that polls commissioned by the GOP should be subjected not only to the margin of error allowance but a 10- point Wishful Thinking discount as well.) Finally, that picture of Joe the Congressman who tilts at windmills reminded me that yesterday I found that the UT’s science writer, Bradley J. Fikes, is a climate change denier who profiled himself with a mugshot and the phrase, “I brake for sea urchins,” on the blogsite he contributed to.
Crazy people rule, huh?

Doug — I can’t decide whether to laugh or cry after reading your Starting Line columns.

But one thing’s for sure — you do all of us an invaluable service by reminding us that we don’t have the option to walk away from our responsibility to speak up for rationality, honesty, and humanity. If not us, who?