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With over 100,000 posts and 2 million pageviews, the Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board has become a valuable resource for people learning about and dealing with narcissistic spouses/partners, boyfriends/girlfriends, parents, siblings, adult children, bosses, and co-workers--as well as other sources of "voicelessness."

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Topic: Board Changes (Read 14786 times)

When I talked, last September, about potentially closing the Board, these were the factors I mentioned:

1) The time required to maintain the Board and keep it safe (to the degree that I am satisfied with) has gone way up. This diminishes my time to do other professional/non-professional things—particularly to write. (By the way, when I checked this morning I had clocked 50 days, 21 hrs, 56 min on line as “voicel2” which places me in the top 5—I won’t name the other 4!)

2) The health of my wife and myself.

3) Usefulness/benefit to board members—board members are the best judge of this, and I always listen to the differing views.

4) My tolerance for the occasional e-mail disrespect/abuse that are part and parcel of running a board open to the general public. (Such tolerance certainly diminishes with age!)

5) The many expressions of appreciation that I have received and continue to receive.

Some random thoughts, seven months later, about these factors:

As I mentioned in my last post, I was very much moved by the messages I received from members past and present, about how the board had helped them—and even saved their lives. When I mentioned this to my brother who lives in Israel, he said: How can you close it down? And I said, it takes a lot out of me: time, energy—and then there’s the occasional threats and abuse. And he said, essentially, you are lucky to be doing something meaningful—not many people in the world get to do that…

My wife, who was diagnosed with lung cancer two years ago, is doing fine. Her scans have all been “clean”. We are very lucky. It is a disease that has a 5 year survival rate of approximately 15%. But if you are diagnosed early—certainly before symptoms appear—the survival rate is much greater. Her story can be found at www.upstagelungcancer.org . She has turned her misfortune into something positive—she is the most determined person I know.

Often the Board is rife with conflict—my hope is that people can grow from the conflict. Sometimes this has happened and sometimes it hasn’t. But I still think the conflict—within limits—is important. It is part of the “human condition”: in families, between neighbors, between countries. It will never go away—and we must learn to live our lives in the face of conflict—with as much grace as we are able—again within limits. When the limits have been reached on the board, I have tried to contain it. But I wouldn’t want to moderate a board that had no conflict. But, of course the conflict not only affects Board members, it affects me as well—part of the “price” of running a board. Remember, also, this is a Board that consists of people who have been hurt and are vulnerable. That makes it a particularly hard board to “run”.

Here are the changes I have made:

1) I have put the Registration Agreement at the very top, so that people can review it and refer back to it. Also, I have included the additional rules that have been set over the years.2) I have decided to allow donations. This is not money making venture for me. But, after ten years, it feels right to accept contributions as a token of thanks—and perhaps those tokens will help me feel better at times of Board strife, when everybody is “yelling” at me to do something different...3) I’ve started a Therapist List and Therapist Wanted list. Maybe I’ll be able to connect a few people with excellent therapists. It has been a frustration for me for years when people e-mail me and I have no place to send them.

I'm grateful for all the work that you do given your current circumstances. I looked at the new feature that you set up and I have a question. I'm wondering if it is possible to put a "Therapist Wanted: DC Metro Area" listing?

It has made an indescribable difference to have a place to come and talk about the woundings received from N parents with a group of people who can understand. I have not found another place on this green earth where anyone understands and has compassion for the nightmares of life nor the struggles prepetrated by people who are seen as kind, caring, providers in the 3-D world.

Before this board I thought I was alone and going out of my mind. Now I respect myself and can see more clearly the truth of this disease, as sad as it is.I haven't made it over the mountain yet but I know I can with support and camaraderie we share here.

Thank you very much for continuing the board, Dr. Grossman. Until now, I have been ordering Amazon items through the board. Does that continue to be a help as far as defraying costs? Also, I know that if you can list this as a charity or maybe a non-profit, goodsearch.com is a search engine that might be able to also add to the income, especially if many of the members use it as their primary search engine.Again, thank you so much. I am a different person than I was upon joining this board. It is because of you and the helpful members here that I finally have the peaceful life I want and deserve.Love,Beth

Logged

"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

Gratitude, I put the link to Amazon back up. That’s a great way of supporting the Board. Unfortunately, I don’t know who is contributing via Amazon, so when you do, I can’t personally thank you. But I’m very appreciative! And thanks also for the goodsearch.com suggestion. I’ll take a look at it…

Brief history: I'm 49 years old (in other words, not new to this voicelessness thing), and just a couple months ago "stumbled upon" voicelessness.com. When I first discovered this place, I felt energized -- finally, maybe, I found a place that's exactly what I need.Then, of course, I read of your wife's illness, and shutting the board down... and it became a SAD discovery on many fronts.

Just a few minutes ago, I decided to check back again, and all this GREAT news jumps off the page.

That's wonderful news about your wife!

And such important advice from your brother ("And he said, essentially, you are lucky to be doing something meaningful—not many people in the world get to do that…").

What strikes me is, how did I miss your site all these years?

Having thought about the answer to that...

I encourage you to continue, in any capacity that you're able. You serve a very specific need, found nowhere else -- hence, perhaps hard to find (because we, by the very definition of voicelessness and its fallout, are not even sure what to look for!)