Fucked up again, but at least there was no penetration this time and i kept it out of the shower. (For those who don't know, X-dressing rape fantasies is what im talking about, and the shower is where i was molested.) Fucking hell, its like i just can't win. I fight but i just don't know how to stop. At least now i know it has something to do with my mother now, but that really isn't helping.

Well heres some really dark poems. The first is pretty graphic, so don't read it if you are offended by things like that. This is a fantasy kind of poem, like lewis carol, not to be taken literally. If you have ever felt rage, or desired revenge, you are not alone, and thats what this is about. But remember that this is not the way of a good man. Justice is not Vengeance.

First come the bladesMurdering all who have wrongedScreams as omens of bloodI kiss it, dripping from a wicked bladeIt is my first tasteIt is my lastThe birth of an undying thirst

I am the beastI stand over my preyFresh kills, and still beating heartsThe fear in thier eyesIs the blood in thier veins

It pours like wineThe ground is wetI lick it from the dripping wallsBloody homes and bleeding hearthsThe temples of false idolsAnd the towers of the mighty visionNow haunted by spirits of vengeanceDrowning in bloody tombs

I don my mask of deathFor I have become the angel of bloodI see my rusted mailJagged steel covered with dried bloodIt is as thick as bone andheavy as leadBarbed lacing digs into my fleshAs i adorn my eternal prison

My blade, a piece of scrap ironDrenched in blood and rusted throughI stand atop my towerAnd watch the world below

A storm brews in the distanceAnd the rain is thicker than waterThe forests howl and the earth becomes redTrees shriek as they burnShrivelling until the burst into crimson

Cities become the harvestThe air screamsThe wind cuts into my veinsRivers of fiery tormentSands that shred the flesh

The sky grows redThe sun, the eye of rageThe moon is has become a scarlet stone

I weep my last tearsas they bloody my faceI loose a final howl of pain and sorrowThe blood covers my eyesAnd my world fades to red

The next poem is more personal, and is about isolation, shame and longing for dreams that can never be.

Wishes

I wish my face could breathI wish my mind would clearI wish i could smell, and feel, and seeI wish I could hear

I wish I could be strongI wish I would live with graceI wish I didn't look the foolI wish instead of a mask, I wore my face

I wish I had powerI wish I had charmI wish I was respectedI wish I knew who I was, knowing not doing any harm

I wish always to have a bigger willI wish i had a bigger soulI wish fate knew meI wish I was to it more than a grain in the whole

I wish I could live the lives of my creationsI wish i could remember all my stories without flawI wish I could create in ways I can'tI wish others could simply see themInstead of groping at the words from my maw

I wish the world made senseI wishe life would stop confusing meI wish I knew what the hell was giong onI wish i could stop wishing, and just be

Thanks fo reading. If anybody would like to talk to me about forced feminization fantasies or crossdressing, so i can understand it better, i would appreciate it.

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