"I met someone!" Patrick cried, bursting through the door.
Kendall's head popped up over the side of the couch,"Seriously?" she asked as Joe flew down the stairs.

"I've got it! I know how to get you a girlfriend!" he shouted grabbing Patrick by the shoulders,"We're gonna need a guitar, a park, some pickles, and a snorkel."

Kendall furrowed her brow,"Joe, you're smoking a little too much," she said turning around,"I don't even want to know."

"I met somebody, Joe" Patrick said confusedly.

Joe groaned,"Gah, well screw that then!" he said, storming up the stairs.

"So you met someone?" Patrick sat down on the couch next to Kendall.

"Yeah," he nodded.

"How?"

"I spilled coffee on her," Patrick announced.

Kendall's eyes grew wide,"And she agreed to go out with you?"

"Yeah."

"So when is it?" she asked.

"Tonight."

---

"He's still in there?" Pete asked, walking down the hallway, gesturing to the bathroom.

"Forty four ounces of water can only travel so fast," Kendall said.

He eyed her,"I think he's just nervous."

"Probably."

"I can't do it!" Patrick said dramatically, walking out of the bathroom.

"Yeah you can," Kendall assured him.

"What if I do something stupid?"

"You won't do anything stupid, Dad."

"Help me," he pleaded.

Kendall sighed,"If you even get a hand job out of this I'll be a miracle worker," she said, her voice laced with sarcasm.

Patrick's eyes grew wide,"Kendall!"

"What?!" she shrieked defensively,"Alright look, first of all, remember, she already said yes. She's already out with you. Tonight's the easy part. It's all downhill from here. Follow?"

Patrick nodded, intently, taking mental note of everything she said.

"Just be yourself. Parallel her values. And don't say the word "awesome"."

Patrick nodded, "Got it."

"Now go, you're late."

---

"Hey Adeline," Patrick smiled, walking down the sidewalk seeing her standing at the curb.

"Hey Patrick" she said, tucking a strand of dark hair behind her ear,"You can call me Addie, you know."

Patrick laughed nervously,"Ok. So, you hungry?"

She nodded,"Yeah, kinda."

"Awes- I mean, I know this great place down the street."

Patrick and Addie walked towards the diner, chatting casually as they went.

They walked into the diner and were soon seated in a booth near the back.

The waitress walked up and took their order, scratching at her left nostril as she walks away.

"She scares me," Addie laughed.

"Yeah, she's like the crypt keeper."

Soon the sound of clapping and singing filled the diner.

All the employees marched out of the kitchen in a line, towards a table seating four people, one of which looked particularly embarrassed.

"Oh man, poor dude," Addie said.

"I know. I used to hate that when I was a kid."

"Oh I know, if that ever happened to me I'd wait for them to get close enough for me to just start swinging my utensils around wildly, maiming and disemboweling anyone careless enough to get to close. And when the police arrived, I'd calmly explain 'Well officer, this large group of people approached me with a cake on fire. I thought I was being attacked and acted accordingly.' And I'm off the hook "