My Six Rules For Using The Public Shower – I Might Be Too OCD For This

There are some jobs of fatherhood no one ever really prepares us for…long-standing traditions that need to be passed on to our children and grandchildren…lessons of past generations to be remembered, memorialized and honored. Sometimes, those traditions are as obvious to us as the nose on our face, the things we have woven into the very fabric of our family name and heritage. Things that have shaped who we are as a people.

More often than not, are the common things we do every day without really even a second thought as to how we learned them. Things that never really even appear as a blip on our radar…until the moment presents itself. And then in that moment, that “aha!” moment, when the blip appears on the radar, it’s THE most important thing right now, and we instantly know we HAVE to get this one right…or risk losing the precious knowledge handed down to us by our forefathers.
So, to honor those who came before us and protect this critical knowledge for generations to come, let’s take a moment to review the top six rules…of public shower use at the campground.
As complicated as I could actually make this, I’m dealing with a 6 and 8 year old on their first weeklong camping trip, so I’ll keep it as simple as I can. Because honestly, it took less than 12 hours to forget the first rule. So, let’s get to it:

Rule #1 – No skin touches the floor.
This includes feet, hands, butt cheeks, and everything in between. For those who are asking, “why list ‘butt cheeks’ specifically?” You obviously don’t have boys, nor do you understand how a child takes off his shorts. I need say no more.

Rule #2 – Only the bottom of your Flick Flocks touch the floor.
No really, refer to Rule #1 above. It’s Rule #1 for a reason.

Rule #3 – No clothing or towel touches the floor.

Are we seeing a pattern here yet?

Rule #4 – Lock the door behind you.
Seems self explanatory really, but needs said nonetheless. Nothing really witty or funny to say about this one. The sad fact is there is an evil that walks among us, undetected and unseen…until it strikes. When it strikes, it does so without warning or provocation, so take measures to reduce your risk.

A side note to this rule: Remember, there’s safety in numbers. The “Two-In-Two-Out” rule in firefighting is our equivalent of the Boy Scouts’ “Buddy System”. It applies in many aspects of life, including this one. That is, unless your “buddy” likes hiding your clothes and turning the lights off on you while you’re in the public shower. If that’s the case, maybe go it alone…and reconsider whether your “buddy” really is a buddy.

Rule #6 – Look up.
You’re camping. Probably near trees and woods. Bugs live in the woods. Big bugs. Eight-legged, hairy bugs that will carry you off into the deepest, darkest recesses of the wilderness and eat you alive kinda bugs. Bugs like water, so much they migrate toward water sources. You’re in the shower. The shower has water. Need I say more (Okay, maybe the bugs aren’t THAT big, but they’re big enough that when the water knocks one from the shower head into your hair or face you’ll be screaming like a girl and running around like a bug just fell on your face. Save the embarrassment and look up first.)

There you have it, my top six rules to using the public shower. Use at your own risk from here out. No lifeguard on duty.

Love,

Dad

P.S. I know I’m OCD about some things (germs in particular), but I embrace it, because I also know I’m not completely lost to it. I’m somewhere between “what doesn’t kill us builds our immunity” and “I put gloves on before I put gloves on, so I don’t get my gloves dirty.” (Although, I have actually put gloves on before I put gloves on so I don’t get my gloves dirty, but that’s a story for a whole nother day.)

P.P.S. I can see by the photo below that I need to readdress Rule #1 and make it clear that it also applies to using the same public shower/restroom facility when we’re taking a potty break during a swim. Ugh.

I know I’m not alone in my craziness here. What are some of your “rules” for using the public shower?