Here’s the article about Terminal Philosophy from Poudre High School’s paper, the Silver Quill. Since the paper is notorious for its lack of proofreading, I did them a favor and proofed it for them:

Terminal Philosophy: A Student Film

Over this past summer, Poudre students decided to take on a large project. Poudre graduate Andrew Gingerich (Class of 2006) and Poudre student Parker Cagle-Smith have been working on a short film.

Terminal Philosophy – the Somber Tale of Leonard Noblac [improper capitalization] is planned to be [passive sentence structure] about 45 minutes long. It features Poudre actors (Vinny [sic] Gagnepain stars, Sean Cummings, Evan Riffe and Mikahil Twarogowski play notable supporting roles) as well as professional actors in Fort Collins (Gale Miller, an accomplished stage actress in Fort Collins, plays the role of Satan).

The film itself is based on Dante’s Divine Comedy. The Divine Comedy is an epic poem written by the Italian author Dane [sic] Aligheri [sic], between the years 1308 and 1321. In the poem, the author travels through Heaven, Purgatory, and Hell. [factual inaccuracy: the author travels through Hell, Purgatory, and Heaven] The movie is a loose adaptation, set in assumedly [assumedly?] present time. The original poem is a much more serious work than the movie. It [which? The movie or the poem?] is a black comedy featuring absurd characters and strange acts of violence.

Production began last school year, [factual inaccuracy: preproduction began last school year] when Parker Cagle-Smith began writing a short screenplay. Andrew Gingerich, an already accomplished [awkward wording: consider revising] PHS filmmaker (Wholesale Souls, Inc.) wanted to put it into production. He and Cagle-Smith completed the script together, [unnecessary comma] and set up auditions for actors. At the start of summer vacation, filming began. [factual inaccuracy] Throughout the next couple months, [colloquialism] they would shoot at locations all over [colloquialism] Fort Collins, including Lee Martinez Park and an extensive song-and-dance sequence at the Ever Open Café (on North College).
Principal shooting [sic] has officially been completed, and they [sic] will be filming [factual inaccuracy: no film is involved] one last scene over the Thanksgiving vacation [poor wording: what vacation?]. For two teenagers and hardly any money, Terminal Philosophy – the Somber Tale of Leonard Noblac [improper capitalization] has come a long way [cliché] and should turn out very well. [speculation?] Expect more news as [as] well as [as] the completed movie as [as] the 2006-2007 school year continues.

[Article by Ethan Holbrook]

Overall, this article is rather bland and uninteresting. It’d be nice to get some publicity, but I imagine approximately three people read this all the way through. At least there aren’t glaring, malicious lies or egregious plot revelations. I guess this just goes to show that it’s time to put together a real press kit.

Now, Paul, there’s no need to get possessive about the film. We WANT people to talk and write about it! That old axiom that any publicity is good publicity is especially true now, when nobody knows anything about the movie! Sure, I’d have preferred a better article… with fewer factual inaccuracies… and better grammar… fewer clichés… maybe a better writer…

…

*ahem* Anyway, this is actually a positive thing because it at least gets the title out there.

Can I write an article? It would be kind of a band-aid, but at least it would be a high-quality, sterile, latex-free woven band-aid of wit and proper information like the one currently holding my regrowing toe together.

…Probably not, but now that I’m obsessively listening to Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon, I’m in a writing mood, and we need to get on this shit if we’re ever going to put out a new, shiny Enquirer (ahem. Parker).

Speaking of calls, though, I need to complain to Ms. Berrian. She promised to cut me out of the yearbook, and now I’m featured in the ‘Siblings at School’ page. If only my sister was mentally vegetative and never had to go to school.