What Would Golkorxx Think?: If

What Would Golkorxx Think?: If you took a bunch of aliens in space and allowed them no other knowledge of the US other than what they could gleam from reading Robert Fisk, Noam Chomsky, & John Pilger columns along with reading the other left-wing online mags out there like the Yellow Times, Indy Media, and Warblogger Watch, here’s about the impression they’d have of the US…

…The imperialistic hegemony known as America continued to implement their ruthless campaign of annihilation against the rest of the world today just as they’ve done for the last century. The mind numbed robots that make up the citizenry of the United States are too busy eating their Big Macs and polishing their guns to pay attention to the press or to their much wiser neighbors in Europe who only have America’s best interests at heart. Only a brave band of rebels called al-Queda, two dashing heroes named Saddam Hussein and Yasser Arafat, and a press facing relentless persecution have dared to stand up to Emperor Bush.

by Sir John Hawkins

John Hawkins's book 101 Things All Young Adults Should Know is filled with lessons that newly minted adults need in order to get the most out of life. Gleaned from a lifetime of trial, error, and writing it down, Hawkins provides advice everyone can benefit from in short, digestible chapters.

A brave US journalist today dared to ask the man secretly referred to as the “Overfiend” in the press pool a simple question, “Mr. Bush, what do you intend to do about Iraq?” A sneering Bush replied, “Hussein? Bush Smash! Har, Har, Har” and then the reporter was drawn and quartered on the spot as the rest of the reporters in the room were dragged off to prison labor camps in the Arizona desert, never to be heard from again. Then Bush went back to his normal agenda, putting arsenic in the water of school children, stealing old people’s social security money to give to WorldCom, and ferreting out anyone on the planet who disagrees with him so he can have them executed en masse on the White House lawn.

Meanwhile, in another part of the White House, John Ashcroft tosses a 79 year old grandmother into an Iron Maiden for not having an expensive enough Bible. Ashcroft then breaks into maniacal laughter as he burns the original copy of the Bill of Rights and plans to put 1984 style telescreens in every American’s house.

America in 2002. Freedom? It’s gone. Disagreement with the Bush administration? It’s not allowed. The United States itself? It’s a pulsating black rock of evil, more dense than a black hole, sucking all decency and goodness out of the world into the cold, dark, recesses of it’s satanic heart…