I begin this session at Mount Zand, which looks more like a giant bush than a mountain, to be honest. Rucks tells me that “The beasts of the wild came down from the mountains. There’s no more mountains now.” Well, I guess there’s a reason I didn’t think it looked like one. Probably the Calamity, since that’s what we’re blaming for pretty much everything else.

And I’m literally spending this level walking through the bushes, utterly unable to see what’s attacking me until it attacks. As it turns out, the horrible hopping armored things are highly susceptible to the flamethrower (see last post), so that’s a bonus, at least, since I can’t see to dodge them.

Eventually I do get out of the (literal and proverbial) bushes, and into an area that just seems to randomly spawn all sorts of critters. Rucks says that this looks like the “Critters have started a Bastion of their own,” but goes on to say that the only thing we can do is “put ‘em down.” After a while, he then says that it has to be “their Bastion, or ours,” and if we win, we win for everybody, including them. Rucks continues, saying that “It’s too bad you can’t explain that to simple beasts.”

I am… skeptical. The whole concept feels a bit too white-man’s-burden for me, particularly given the fact that I’m the one who keeps killing all the critters. Not to mention the fact that if they’re smart enough to be collecting cores and shards—which Rucks says they are—they have to have some understanding of why, which means that we’re the a**holes here.

“They’ve rounded up their survivors, just like we have,” Rucks says. “Maybe they’ve thought about turning back, just like we have.” Okay, that does it. I’m only killing things that attack me first now. If it doesn’t kill me, I’m not killing it. I’m pretty far into this level, but I’ve now left some sort of plant and a Pecker alive. We’ll see if that bites me in the patootie or not.

It doesn’t, and I leave another plant-thing alive before I leave. As I take the skyway out, Rucks says, “He’s done what’s best for ‘em, don’t you worry.” Pause. “Don’t you worry.” I’m not buying it, Rucks. We’re the bad guys, here. We did something to the Ura, and now we’re systematically slaughtering all the other creatures in Caelondia we can essentially get our hands on, except for the ones we tame. There’s an allegory here, Rucks, and in it, we are not the good guys.

Next stop is Burstone Quarry, which, Rucks says, “has gotta have one, right?” As always, I am skeptical. Rucks explains that we (Caelondians) bought the quarry from the Ura, and it came with things called Rattletails, which apparently the Ura were fine with, but Rucks asks, with disgust, “Why would they put up with those pests?” I’m now going to try to go out of my way not to kill them (unless, of course, they attack me and keep me from getting through this level, but I am going to be as merciful as possible without stopping my progress, just because Rucks dislikes them).

I’m trying very hard not to kill things, now, and I’m doing a surprisingly good job. There are Windbags in this level, but they’re not really interested in me, so I skirt them, as well as the spiky things that aren’t actively shooting at me (there are a few trying to shoot the Windbags) and some other plants. I was working so hard not to kill things that I missed something Rucks said, only tuning back in to hear “They were recording it all the time, takin’ it all in.” I’m not sure who “they” were—Ura, maybe?

There’s a boss fight, and at the end of that, Rucks narrates that “‘Are you all right?’ calls a voice from down the hall.” I follow the hallway, and find Zulf. Rucks narrates: “‘I’ve come to warn you,’ he says.” Zulf tells me “The Bastion is under siege. Let it fall. You should not go back.” That’s probably not actually going to happen, although at this point I’m more inclined to listen to Zulf than to my erstwhile narrator, Rucks. I don’t trust narrators. It’s in my English-major-I’ve-read-Wuthering-Heights-and-The-Great-Gatsby blood.

There’s a button, and a little scroll-arrow pops up which tells me I have to push it or I can’t continue. I try to continue anyway, and, sure enough, I have to push the button to get at the shard. Fine. Rucks narrates, “The Kid hears him, but he can’t be deterred.” Well, actually I totally can be deterred, but the game isn’t giving me that option, probably because of you, Rucks, you jerk. Zulf replies, “If that’s the way it is, then I won’t stop you.” Really, I rather wish you would. But you won’t, because that’s not what Rucks has in mind, and he is narrating this story, after all.

I keep going, and then, “Because my countrymen will.” Oh. Okay. Except they won’t, either, because otherwise this wouldn’t be a game and I wouldn’t be its hero. They might try, though.

And yes, the Bastion is yet again a giant mess. Dammit. I was almost done fixing that so I could be done with this game, and now you and your stupid Ura have to go and ruin it. Okay, so maybe we are mean, nasty oppressors and we totally deserve it, but I want to finish this game, so if you could maybe just let me do that and then I’ll give the Bastion to you? Please?

I didn’t think so, but it was worth a try.

So kill them—interesting that they fall over dead and stay corpses, unlike the critters I’ve been killing which melt into little blue XP—and then go in the back door, because clearly a floating island totally has a back door (okay, Rucks). As I make my way, Rucks says that “It’s too bad they have the girl.” Of course they do, because this is a videogame and we couldn’t have a videogame without a damsel, now, could we? sigh

All the creatures I’ve acquired are fighting on my side, except “Little Squirt didn’t make it.” I wonder if that’s always true, or if I’d have gotten there faster, would all my creatures survive? (I still have the god, the anklegator, and the pecker.) Rucks continues, “Problem is, Zulf’s plan worked.”

Rucks then tells me that the Ura came to get revenge for the Calamity—“It was Caelondia’s master plan to wipe out the earth.” Oh, good. So I’m a member of a race of psychotics. Rucks continues, “If only Zulf knew the whole story.” I’m kinda with Zulf on this one. We deserve whatever we’ve got coming to us.

But first, I ask Rucks about Zia, and he says, “What were we to think? They musta got her. Taken her back to her rightful home.” Yes, that does sound terrible. Home. How awful for her.

Now how many more of these stupid things do I have to collect before this game will be over? (To be fair, I am enjoying it infinitely more now that I have a controller. It’s still not my kind of gameplay, but I’m actually not actively disliking it anymore.)

The next jump I make, Rucks says, “One shard, that’s all we need to put this mess behind us.” Dear videogame gods, I hope so.

Like this:

We left Lara last staring into a hole in the side of a mountain staircase with the ominous warning from Jacob that it is crawling with the Deathless. Doesn’t that sound lovely? Fair warning—this will be the final post in this series (for Rise of the Tomb Raider), so it’s going to spoil pretty much everything. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Lara passes through the secret entrance, then has to break down a brick wall (because clearly the secret entrance in the stairs isn’t secret enough). Here, as everywhere, there is more water, but also a massive cavern with crows or ravens circling high near an opening above. Wordless choral music in the background provides a suitably sacred atmosphere. Below are multiple golden domes on the path to the Orrery, which Jacob says Lara will need to “use it to open the entrance to Kitezh.”

As Lara approaches the walls of a keep at the entrance of the Path, the sounds of marching can be heard; once she climbs the exterior wall, she can see the Deathless soldiers marching past (they speak, clearly giving orders, although it is unclear whether they are mobilizing because of Lara, Trinity, or the Remnants above). (They still sound like Jabba the Hut to me.) The scene is reminiscent of the march of the Stormguard on Yamatai beneath Lara’s ledge in the Temple, especially since Jacob explained that the Deathless were the reason the Remnants decided to bury Kitezh beneath the ice (their pride, greed, and desire for power).

As Lara climbs, the ice gives way, dropping her into a narrow crevasse, through which she has to shimmy before dropping to the snow and ice below (it’s not clear how the Deathless didn’t hear her with all the yelling she was doing during this). On a ledge, Lara finds a corpse and a letter from the surviving Trinity Tracker imbedded with the Mongols. He says that “With the Source at his disposal, the Prophet’s Deathless Ones are unstoppable, an army of wraiths and devils that can never die. A mockery of all God’s creation. They are no longer human, and they will break any army that stands in their way. With every death and rebirth, they learn.” The phrase “death and rebirth” implies that they can, in fact, die, but that they do not remain that way. The letter reinforces that Lara should not be here, either–that her ambitions to find the Source in order to keep her father (his memory, anyway) alive are as misguided as those of the Prophet (originally) and of Trinity. What I’m uncertain of is whether Crystal Dynamics agrees–or whether Lara, for some reason unknown to me, is strangely suited to possess divine power. There’s a clear condemnation of the desire to live forever as unnatural, a prioritization of the supernatural–divinity, the afterlife, something–over the extension of life “artificially.”

Lara ziplines into the keep, knocking ice off the side and attracting the attention of one of the Deathless. She manages to tuck herself out of the way as he peers over the edge, although her fingers are visible, and he is waiting for her when she climbs up over the edge of the bridge. The game prompts her to melee attack, and when she “kills” the Deathless, he vanishes as though burned, like a vampire, leaving a burning book behind. Okay, that is super weird. A random puff of ash, sure, but the little book-thing is just bizarre. I guess they needed something for me to be able to loot?

From the ruins of the keep, Lara makes her way into a tunnel leading into the city of Kitezh, walks up a rise, and sees the city spread out beneath the ice, with a tower in the distance with ominously glowing red windows. Lara says that it must be the Chamber of Souls, where the Source is. No shit, Lara. D’you think the creepy glowing windows are where the horrible immortality device is kept?

Lara remarks to herself that she is surprised how “human” Jacob seems, and wonders what the Source will do–“unlock the secrets of the human soul” or “some new scientific discovery,” both of which seem ridiculously naive.

There’s a tomb in Kitezh on the edge of the city, and as Lara approaches, there’s a deep growl. Inside, she finds a large whitish bear (which I used a grenade arrow on, earning the achievement “Was that really necessary?” I say yes–that bear was huge). There’s a tomb, and, as with all tombs, Lara has to swim underwater to get to this one too. In fact, it’s the Chamber of Exorcism, the ancient Remnants used to “drive out the demons,” but “We do not always succeed. Often the poor wretches are too far gone, and they die when we drive the beasts out of them. It is heartbreaking to lose good people, but we must stand against the Devil, in all his forms.”

It is hard to tell, at this point, whether these are truthful accounts or superstitions, whether the evil is the result of radiation (there are uranium mines here, after all) or some other chemical poisoning, simply “bad” people, or something actually supernatural. There is a journal there from a woman who is undergoing exorcism, but she says that “I am mad. But I know there is no evil in my heart. Only sickness that no man can cure.” That’s a bit depressing. Accurate to medieval understanding of psychology, but still a poignant reminder that people will attribute much that is mundane to the supernatural (as people are still executed for witchcraft in parts of Nigeria and for atheism throughout the Middle East).

Back in the city, at the top of a tower, Lara finds another journal from the Tracker talking about the rebirth of the Deathless: “Where a pile of ashes smoldered the night before, a corpse now lay, skin as milky white as a dead fish. As I watched, the dead man breathed. A clicking death rattle in reverse as he sucked in air for the first time in a day. Then he looked at me, and I recognized him at last. I killed this man once before, during the battle. And he has not forgotten.” I really hope they don’t do this to me. I signed on to play Rise of the Tomb Raider, not Dark Souls. When I kill something, I want it to stay dead, thank you.

When Lara approaches the main gate, it slams shut, and then the Deathless start firing a trebuchet at her. I want a trebuchet… and since my quest is now “seize a trebuchet,” it looks like I get one. Huzzah!

Lara has to run back through the city area–killing Deathless–(mostly, in my case, with my axe, which either means that Byzantine warriors were pretty wimpy, since they’re getting their immortal butts handed to them by a tiny woman with a climbing axe, or that Lara is just that bada**) to get to the trebuchet on the far side. The trebuchet is awesome and flings giant fireballs. I just wish I got to use it for more things.

Inside the keep area, Lara has to fight off a bunch of Deathless, and then go find another trebuchet (yay!) to knock open another gate. She heads over to the next trebuchet, and hits the gate once before the Deathless get on another trebuchet and start firing at her, taking out her trebuchet. Okay, go take away their trebuchet, since they’re going to be bullies about it. However, their trebuchet is locked in ice (how convenient that it was aimed right at me), so Lara has to go through a bunch of steps to unlock it so that she can re-aim it at the gate, which she does, and then I can keep going.

On the way through the second gate, another fireball from a trebuchet crashes in behind her, sealing off the doorway and triggering another run-and-jump sequence. Once she defeats the Deathless on the other side, she faces a third gate, but before anything can happen there, Trinity breaks through the glacier ice above. Sofia radios her, saying, “Lara, Trinity has broken through! We can’t–” (Well, hopefully she’s not dead, because I’d actually feel bad about that.)

As she nears the top of this tower, the Deathless are killing Trinity soldiers and throwing them from the towers. Killing Trinity now seems almost silly; they aren’t particularly more or less “difficult” than the Deathless, but they are a good deal less intimidating, and I keep thinking “I beat a dozen Deathless into ashes with my climbing axe–why on earth would I be phased by normal looking men in winter clothing?” Killing undead Byzantine guards really is much more epic. At the end of the wall is a the Final Precipice Base Camp with the “point of no return” warning. Since I have 100% on every region except this one (which is at 95% showing all items found and challenges complete), it seems like I’ll be able to pass this point with no regrets.

Lara leaps from the wall and continues up to the top of another tower, just as a helicopter flies in–wobbling rather badly–to hover. Lara’s reaction is to ask Sofia if the Remnants can hit it with the trebuchet (oh, please, please let me watch a helicopter get taken out by a giant ball of Greek fire). Sofia tries, and they miss because the pilot can avoid the fireballs. Lara then has an idea–that if she shoots the fireball when it’s near the helicopter, the resulting explosion (remember, Greek fire, not regular fire) might take out the helicopter. It works (not sure if I had to have deliberately chosen the grenade arrow for that one, but that’s what I picked), and the helicopter veers off, on fire. This repeats twice more, with Lara having to fend off both Deathless and Trinity in between (why aren’t they fighting each other, exactly?). After the last round, the helicopter loses control, spinning and crashing, knocking the “floor” (roof) of the tower out from under Lara’s feet.

The room she falls into is heavily guarded by Deathless (fortunately, she’s on top of a column above them so they don’t see her). After killing them, Lara heads toward the gap created by the helicopter, and Konstantin rushes up behind her, hitting her in the head. Then he takes her bow (asshole), saying, “Just you and I now, Lara.” Dude, I’ve been beating ancient Byzantine soldiers to dust with this axe for hours now. You really think that you and your bleeding hands bother me? Except they aren’t going to just let me beat him to death. No… Lara has to run around the room and throw crafted explosives at him to knock him down, then stab him with the axe, then quicktime dodge and THEN she can stab him. And then she takes her weapons back, although Konstantin still isn’t dead, and that seems like a mistake (given what he did to Jonah).

He says, looking confused, “This…This is not my destiny. I was meant for greatness!” Lara looks at him: “This was never your destiny. Your sister let you believe that.” He then looks shattered, and says, “I did all… all of this… For her.” Something crashes, loudly, and Lara turns to run. Konstantin says, “Don’t you walk away from me! Wait! Trinity killed your father!” (No shit, Sherlock. I figured that out a long time ago, although apparently Lara didn’t.) Lara says, “No! You’re lying,” as Konstantin starts to get up. And then my console freezes. Are you KIDDING ME? AT THE VERY END OF A BOSS FIGHT?!?!?! There may have been swearing. A lot of swearing. And two alarmed cats.

Fortunately, thanks be to the console gods, when I restarted, it loaded at the exact second it froze (praise Himiko and the Prophet for autosave points in boss fights).

Konstantin is just standing, and Y prompt appears over his head. Lara has the option to kill him… or I could wait and see what else he has to say. Nope, killing him. (After checking YouTube, I learn that she would have yelled at him to shut up, saying, “You’re wrong!” and then the game just waits for her to kill him, so I didn’t really miss much.) Lara kills him, then tells him to “Burn in hell.” And yes, I am looting his body for good measure. And then booby-trapping his corpse just to make a point.

In the Chamber, Ana has found the Source, which is currently wrapped in cloth. She says, “I gave up everything for this. I have no intention of giving it to Trinity. What about your father? You’re dooming him to be mocked by history. How can you let this go? When you’re so close.” Lara is quiet for a moment, then, “I’m willing to make that sacrifice.”

Great, Lara. You’ve caused how many deaths in pursuit of this thing, and now you’re okay letting it go? You couldn’t have made that life choice before killing most of the Remnants and a whole slew of Trinity and possibly (but I doubt it) Jonah and several dozen undead Byzantines? Now you decide that it’s okay to give up? At this point, just take the stupid thing.

Ana tries appealing to humanitarian empathy: “Think of the millions suffering and dying. We can save them. We can change the world. Together.” Lara replies, “The cost is too high, Ana. We aren’t meant to live forever. Death is a part of life.” Ana snarls, “That’s easy for you to say. You aren’t the one who’s dying.” Lara replies, “But this isn’t about you.”

Oooooh, boy. Guess what, Lara? It shouldn’t be about you, either. Or your father. Or Jonah. I mean, okay, it IS about you, because it’s a Tomb Raider game and those are, by their very nature, all about you, but if we suspend that little generic convention for a second and just think about that phrase… You’ve made this whole fiasco about you, Lara Croft, you and your dead father. Despite what Jonah and Sofia and Jacob have told you, you’ve made it all about you and what you wanted, and caused hundreds of deaths because you wanted it to be about you and your daddy issues. So while it’s lovely that you’ve had this little revelation here, forgive me if I’m disinclined to feel terribly sympathetic for your position. Ana is actually dying. You aren’t. For her, it IS about her, and I’m much more sympathetic to her position than yours.

Lara continues, “This is about humanity. About protecting what it means to be human.” A literally faceless Trinity soldier (he has a balaclava over his whole face except his eyes) runs in and yells, “They’re coming! We’re surrounded!” a half-second before Jacob kills him with a Byzantine war axe. Ana pulls out a gun and shoots him three times as Lara yells, “Jacob, look out!” (Except he’s immortal, so the effectiveness of this is going to be rather limited.) On his knees, he cries, “The Source… is not meant for the world!”

Lara and Ana face off over their guns: Ana says, “This is your chance, Lara. Everything I’ve done… Everything you’ve done… Another Croft doesn’t have to die for this.” Lara answers, “But I’m willing to.” Ana unwraps the Source and Lara turns away, covering her eyes. Ana looks at the object–the Source–which is glowing blue, as streams of blue light pour out of her eyes and into it. She cries out and drops it, still glowing blue.

Life lesson, kids. If you happen to have a source of immortality in your hands, don’t drop it.

It is oddly shaped, like a collection of metal ore in pyramidal formations, with strange symbols inscribed on it (arcane, or possibly alien), battered and cracked. Lara sidesteps over to it and picks it up, not looking at it directly, then raises it over her head. Ana screams out, “No!” Lara looks back at Jacob, who nods and says, “It’s okay.” Lara closes her eyes and says, “I’m sorry,” then smashes it into the ground.

Light pours out of it, flowing around the room. Jacob cries out. The Deathless begin to writhe and drop their weapons, looking around in confusion (and possibly pain) as they fall into ash. Lara rushes over to Jacob, saying, “Jacob, hold on!” He laughs, painfully, and says, “I’ve held on for too long already.” She says, “You knew I’d destroy it.” He answers, “In all my years, I’ve met few as extraordinary as you.” He coughs thickly, then says, with excitement, “It’s finally happening,” then laughs. “My ending.” Lara shakes her head and says, again, “I’m sorry. All I wanted was to make a difference.” He tells her, “You already have.” He touches her cheek and repeats it: “You already have.” Then he dissolves into dust.

How touching. (Okay, I’m a horrible cynic. For a scene of this type, it really isn’t all that bad. A bit predictable, certainly, but there was no possible way that Crystal Dynamics could have gone any other way here. It’s pretty clear that “Immortality is Bad” is a theme in the series, since that was also the central plot of TR2013. At least Jacob is a nice guy, unlike Himiko, so that we feel a little bit bad about the loss of a life that had gone one for nearly a thousand years. In fact, I’m more depressed about that than anything else at this point in the game: think about what Jacob must have known, as a person who had lived for that long. And then poof and he’s gone. (There’s also no explanation of how the Remnants aren’t still speaking Byzantine nor of why Jacob manages to remain mostly normal while the Deathless are insane and inhuman.)

The scene shifts back to Lara’s office, her father’s recording, talking about what his father would have thought about the shame he brought upon the family name, concluding with the question, “Croft… what does it even mean? I just hope you can make your own mark on this world someday. Remember that the extraordinary is in what we do, not who we are.” Jonah walks up behind her and tells her she did the right thing, then tells her she has “a plane to catch.” In a voiceover, she says that “It doesn’t matter what choices he would have made. I have to make my own.” There are still artifacts out there, things as mysterious as the Source, “secrets out there that can change the world. I need to find them. Not for my father, not for anyone else. Trinity is still out there, more powerful than I ever imagined. I can stop them. I can make a difference. I can make the right difference.”

It’s a fitting ending. But it isn’t the final ending. I’m not going to spoil that for you—for once!—but I will tell you to stick around through the credits. And that it’s pretty clear that this franchise is going to continue. I will also tell you that it’s worth going back into the game (briefly) once it’s done; there’s some closure there, too.

Rise of the Tomb Raider is the story of how Lara Croft (and Sofia) stops relying on the legend that is her father, how she claims an identity and a story of her own, allowing the dead to stay dead while the living fight for their own place in the world. It’s a fitting tribute to Terry Pratchett–this is not his story, it’s Rhianna’s, and, in many ways, like Lara, she needed to let him die (to allow the Prophet to make an ending) in order to find her own voice.

Like this:

I made up the “Crankydiles” in the title, but the sentiment goes well with a lot of my attitude about Bastion in my most recent play sessions. This is likely obvious to you, as readers, because of the distance that tends to fall between posts about Bastion, particularly when compared to the steady stream of Rise of the Tomb Raider posts. And yes, I know it’s been a long time since I posted about Bastion, but I’ve gone back to it. I swear, this game I will finish (unlike Borderlands 2, which I’ve mostly been forced to concede that I just don’t have time to finish… kind of like Skyrim).

I’ve said it before—Bastion just isn’t my cup of tea. That said, this time I’ve made an addition to my “gaming set-up” which is making it a good deal more tolerable: an Xbox controller that plugs in to my PC. (Note: My other 360 controller is of the wireless variety, and I would have needed to get an adapter to do this with it. This is a wired controller, which means it has a USB dongle and I can plug it straight into the laptop. I chose this instead of the adapter because my other controller is in the process of dying anyway, and the left stick tends to, well, stick, which means I have accidentally walked off a number of cliffs and into fires—and firefights—because I stopped paying attention and my player-character kept going without me.)

In Bastion, the addition of a controller instead of the old mouse-and-keyboard combo means that moving diagonally is infinitely easier. I’ve gone a whole hour without falling off once! It’s a huge improvement, and if you do decide to play this game, I cannot recommend using a controller enough. It’s definitely making me less of a crankydile.

But back to the story… game… whatever.

The Kid is headed to Rothas Lagoon, which, Rucks tells me, “isn’t the sort of place you go by choice.” Except I clearly have (sort of). Experimentation with the buttons on the controller suddenly teaches me that my fists are a fighting option I didn’t know I had (in addition to my melee and ranged weapons). Interesting. It seems like that’s something someone should have mentioned at some point.

This puzzle involves the Kid winding his way through a swap, being attacked by the anklegator every time he has to run through tall grass, which is fairly often. Thankfully, the controller gives me a lot more control over his movements, so it isn’t half as annoying as it would have been with a keyboard. The interesting thing about this level is that the ankelgator (Ann—Ann the Anklegator) has the shard in her lair, and the Kid is able grab it before the battle even starts. Rucks then narrates that the Kid has to “finish her off,” so, okay, I proceed to dodge-fight-dodge-fight Ann the Anklegator.

After a while of this, Rucks says she’s “starting to get annoyed,” but then I notice that the skyway portal activates, before Ann is dead. Well, okay, so there are those fun little blue things that drop whenever I kill an enemy, but the game just gave me permission to leave before the fight is over. You can bet your britches that this crankydile is getting the heck out of anklegator town. Rucks says, “The Kid decides to let Ann live, after all.”

I’m actually feeling pretty good about this—I’ve had to destroy Pompeii-style bodies before, and kill gods, and kill the Squirts (except the one that loves me and lives in the Bastion), and I’ve been told that they don’t really mean me any harm, they’re just looking for a place to live, too, so I’m pleased that I’m able to get out of a fight without killing an animal that has no choice in the matter. I still stole her shard.

I also stole her egg, but Rucks tells me that anklegators don’t care for their young, anyway. Maybe I’ll get to raise it and ride it through the swamp or something. I also acquired a really nifty spear.

Okay, I do get to keep the anklegator! When the Kid approaches Zia to ask about the anklegator, Rucks remarks that “That anklegator is a real crazy one. ‘Course, so is the gal you asked to look after her,” and then an anklegator horn pops out of the ground—I can walk over to it and tell it to “Come!” and it follows the Kid around Bastion (until I tell it “Stay!”)! A pet anklegator. Awesome. I shall name it Archimedes the Anklegator. Much more classy than “Ann.”

Since I’m actually not feeling all that much like a crankydile, I press onwards, to Point Lemaign, which is apparently the reason Zelandia is (or was) the wealthiest city in the world, according to Rucks. The thing which makes this level different is that there’s a moving walkway (a train rail, according to Rucks) that carries the Kid through a gauntlet of ranged enemies, birds, and swamp gas. It’s… “interesting.” At the end of it is another Ura survivor, whom—according the Rucks—the Kid initially mistakes for Zulf (since clearly all Ura males look the same from the back).

Instead, Rucks narrates: “‘This is for you,’ says the man,” and then the screen goes black to the sound of a punch. I guess he’s not a friend. “When the Kid comes to,” Rucks says as I wake up, “the man is gone. But somethin’ else is there.” It’s a note, sealed in an envelope with wax. “The only words the Kid recognizes on that there parchment are ‘For Zia.’ Well, what’s a Kid to do?” I’m pretty sure the answer is “Give the note to Zia,” but maybe I’m just crazy.

The note tells Zia that she has to go East to find out what caused the Calamity. I really kinda hope that this is the sequel, because this crankydile doesn’t know how much more of this she can take.

Back at the Bastion, there’s also a stew pot in which Zia makes her “famous cookin’,” which promptly sends the Kid into a food-coma dream. It takes me to another dream-world, this one telling Zia’s life story while the Kid fights off enemies.

Back at the Bastion, there are apparently still more shards to collect. Oh, goodie. Off to Coleford Cauldron, where the Kid gets a flamethrower! (Well, okay, it’s a bellows that shoots fire, but I’m calling it a flamethrower anyway.) I like flamethrowers. The level itself is otherwise unremarkable—set things on fire, they die, I keep going. I didn’t even fall off once!

The egg I got to bring back this time is from a Pecker (no, not that kind of pecker, get your mind out of the gutter). He will fly around (“Fly!” and stop when told, although Rucks warns me to “watch your fingers around that little guy”) the Bastion, as well. Apparently, the Bastion is some sort of Zelandia-ark (except only with one of each animal, instead of two): I have a Squirt, a Pecker, an Anklegator, a god… you know. Just the usual assortment of pets.

I’ve had enough for now, but the moral of the story—this time—is that one really ought to play Bastion with a controller. I’m so much happier playing this way…and so much better! So, despite the title, I guess there wasn’t a crankydile at all…

Like this:

We last left Lara on her way up the cliff to be reunited with Jonah, who we last saw when Lara was swept off a mountain in an avalanche back in Part Two of this series. When she sees Jonah, she runs up to him and hugs him. He says she looks “Terrible but happy” (um… yeah? Also, the hell, dude? I fell down an avalanche and have been shot at pretty much non-stop, in addition to crawling around in thousand-year-old tombs. How pretty do you think I’m gonna look?). She immediately tells him that her father “was right.” Okay, I gave Jonah crap for the looks comment, I’m going to give Lara crap for obsessing–ask the man how he is, for Pete’s sake. Let go of the obsession for thirty seconds, already. She says, “I wish he was here to see this,” and Jonah tells her he’d be proud of her (yaaaak).

I know I’ve said it repeatedly throughout this series, but we’ve now gotten to the point in the game where the spoilers are going to come hard and fast and be BIG spoilers, so I’m warning you again.

Sofia comes up and sends them to the observatory, where Jacob is waiting. Lara walks up to him carrying the Atlas under her arm, then holds it out to him. He sounds in awe, and says, “You actually found it,” he puts his hands outside of hers, but doesn’t actually touch the Atlas or try to take it away from her. (Not that I blame him, mind you, since she might bury a pickaxe in his head if he does.) He says that the observatory was used to view the Atlas, and Lara places it in a holder which Jonah winches up to catch the sunlight, and it reflects the light down on to the floor in a glowing map. Lara locates the center of the city under the lake, but then she says that the Cathedral is in the wrong place. She has Jonah rotate it until it aligns, then says that Kitezh is under the glacier–“The Divine Source must be there.” Jonah, rather practically, asks, “How the hell are we going to get through all that ice?” The camera shifts to Jacob, who is standing silently with an odd expression, the glowing lines of the map almost eerie on his face. Lara doesn’t notice, and continues tracing a path which she says shows an entrance to Kitezh… “is here.” Then she turns to Jacob and says, “You knew.” I have the distinct impression that there isn’t much Jacob doesn’t know. In fact, I’m starting to think that Jacob might just be the Prophet. Maybe.

Just then a helicopter flies over, and everybody looks at the ceiling, just as the helicopter shoots down (or bombs) the dome, knocking the Atlas loose and throwing Lara out the window–she grabs a chain and ends up hanging over the waterfall as Trinity soldiers drop in through the roof (parallel to the scene in the Prophet’s Tomb in Syria). Jonah grabs the Atlas, then tries to save Lara, but is attacked from behind. The Trinity soldier hooks both of them (and the Atlas) to his rescue cable, and they are pulled up into the helicopter. Jonah calls down to her, “Don’t come after me! Run!” which is more or less what she said to him when the avalanche hit her. It didn’t work then, either.

Jacob has been hit, and Lara goes to him. He tells her “We don’t have much time. It won’t be long before Trinity discovers the location of the Source.” She says, “But… I have to go after Jonah,” and he asks, “Even if it means giving up the truth you came here to find?” I want her to say yes. I want her to realize that living people are more important than dead ones and are definitely more important than her obsession with the damn Source. She doesn’t say yes, but she does say that “I almost lost him once. Not again.” Jacob tells her to “Do what you must,” and she leaves him as other Remnants come in. She says that Jonah must be in the gulag (and this is the reason they have me go back to those old areas), so it’s back into the snow.

After killing some time taking care of a few final quests that I can now accomplish—like cutting down Soviet flags—I follow the path toward a new area of the map toward the gulag. While waiting for some of the Trinity guards to stop talking to one another, Lara overhears two of them discussing how one was “called to the island to clean up” after “some Sun cult,” and he continues, to say that he was “amazed that Croft survived that hell.” Trinity is somehow connected to Yamatai and what happened there, even if only in the aftermath, since it does not sound like the guards know who the Solarii were.

And then I accidentally fell off a branch and alerted eight guards, then proceeded to beat them all to death with my pickaxe, healing in between, because I didn’t really have time to switch from the bow to a firearm–this means that eight soldiers were just beaten to death by a girl with a pickaxe and no armor. I did shoot the ninth one, because he was up the hill a bit.

Working her way through the area, Lara finds one particularly noteworthy artifact: a rifle shell with “Kill them all, God will know his own” engraved on the bottom in Latin. (Creeeeeeeepy. Creepy and Catholic.) Inside the compound is a journal from Jonah, who “Got up close” to Trinity while looking for Lara. He says that “Before too long, I might be the one who needs rescuing.” (Prescient, that Jonah.) There’s also one from Ana, who says that Konstantin was always “difficult.” Then she says, “The night I cut those marks into his hands, the night I whispered into his ear, I made him. I saved him. He believed it to be the work of God, just as I’d hoped.” Well, I guess the stigmata aren’t holy after all (although they keep bleeding, possibly because he keeps making fists and digging his own fingers into them).

As she heads down the hall of the final building, Lara spots some keys on the wall, which she takes, then throws to some prisoners, saying, “Sssshhhh.” The scene jumps to Konstantin talking to Jonah, saying, “Your loyalty to her is strong. I admire you. I do. But even my patience has limits. Tell me what you know. Now.” Jonah spits and laughs. Lara pulls her pistol and shoots, hitting the glass (which does not break), distracting Konstantin long enough for Jonah to launch himself at Konstantin. Jonah backs him against the wall, then he says “Please… Please no.” Lara yells at Jonah to “Do it! Don’t listen to him!” Konstantin says, “I was only doing what I believed was right–” When Jonah hesitates, looking up at Lara through the window, Konstantin lunges at him with a knife, sinking it into his side. Lara screams “No!” as Jonah falls. Konstantin picks up the radio and says, “Sweep the cell blocks. Kill everyone.”

Lara eventually manages to break through the glass with a fire extinguisher, reaching Jonah. He says, “I’m sorry. I should have killed him. But he was unarmed. I just couldn’t…” At least one of the people in the room is a decent human being. The freed Remnants have moved into the room behind them, and one says, “He’s dying. We don’t have much time.” Lara tells them to “Bar the door.”

I guess now there’s a personal justification beyond obsession and daddy issues for Lara to find the Source, but it’s just as selfish as Konstantin’s desire to save Ana. Someone each of them loves is dying, and they’re willing to risk the world to save them. It just so happens that Ana is selfish and dying because of herself (or God?), and is willing to exploit her brother to survive, and Jonah is selfless and dying because of his love for Lara. So, both Konstantin and Lara are being insane and obsessive because they love someone (in Lara’s case, this transfers here from her dead father to a living friend), it’s just that Konstantin has the bad fortune to have a bitch for a sister, while Lara happens to have an awesome friend she doesn’t deserve because she’s willing to endanger his life (as well as an entire population) to prove her dead father was right about something.

From there, Lara has to fight through Trinity soldiers, avoid a helicopter, and then is knocked underwater by a grenade explosion. After taking them all out, she rushes back to Jonah, who is clearly dying. The Remnant says, “His end is near.” Lara says, “No, he can’t die,” tears running down her cheeks. The Remnant says, “We can help him. We must get him to the Observatory. To Jacob.” Lara nods.

The scene shifts to their arrival, and Lara turns to Jacob, saying, “Jacob, he’s dying.” Jacob kneels, places his hands over the wound, and begins to pray. He then turns to the others and says, “Keep pressure on the wound. Prepare him.” (For…? Is having to guard the Source eternally the price for immortality? Is that who/what the Deathless Ones are?) They take Jonah away on the stretcher.

Lara follows Jacob, saying, “Jacob, you were shot. Jacob, you are him. The deathless Prophet.” He looks at her–“I can feel pain. I can be hurt. I am human, save for a human ending.” He replies, “I’m not proud of it. But I did it to protect them. I once used the Source to grant my armies their long lives. But it was a terrible mistake.”

Then a helicopter heads over the glacier. Sofia says, “We’ve already lost.” Lara says, “No. There has to be a way to stop them. Jacob… The map showed a secret entrance into the city…” He replies, “The Path of the Deathless. It’s too dangerous.” Lara replies that “You know I can’t give up now.” Sofia will take the Remnants to attack Trinity to distract them long enough for Lara to get through, and Jacob orders them to open the path. The stairs beneath their feet open. Jacob tells her that when she’s ready, the entrance is there. (An achievement pops up: The Road Less Traveled. It makes me desperately NOT want to go down there. I hate Robert Frost.)

This seems like a good time to catch up on the last caves, tombs, missing challenges, and all that jazz. Because I have the strong sense that once I walk the Path of the Deathless (unlike the paths of the Righteous, thank you, Javert), I’m not coming back.