Yield: I’m a pilot, sir

Our eldest daughter is awesome. Let me describe how awesome she is. On her 50th birthday on Aug. 21, for her birthday celebration she didn't blow out candles. She blew out the sun for 2 1/2 minutes — and she has a T-shirt that says she did.

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Here at Damphewmore Acres, the solar eclipse was a disappointment. The midday light dimmed considerably, but the sun still made shadow and my chickens didn't head for the roost. About the only animals that may have altered their regular routine were the hummingbirds. They quit feeding at the feeders on the deck for maybe 5 minutes during the "totality" part of the eclipse.

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I picked a humongous amount of tomatoes earlier this week and it took me five days to give them all away to friends and neighbors. Also on the gardening front, we've had such ideal growing weather that it took less then three days for my radishes, green beans and turnips to sprout and emerge.

We escaped the deluge that flooded a lot of eastern Kansas. Turns out we had three miles of wind and about 2.5 inches of rain. By contrast, ol' Canby Handy in Platte City, Mo., got more than 6 inches of rain.

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The dominos keep toppling. Last week, I learned that a roommate of mine back in my college days at Bea Wilder U has gone to his great reward. "Geno" and I didn't stay close after school, but I still considered him a life-long friend.

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My friend Jay Esse, owner of the Havgotno Ranch in Longwood, Colo., sent me a picture of him — looking cool — behind the wheel of his restored vintage pickup truck.

He also included some words of wisdom for folks our age. Here's some of them:

I read that taking naps keeps people from getting old. I'm sure that's true, especially if you nap when you're driving.

Before I got married, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put milk back in the refrigerator.

I'm a grandpa. You can ask me a question about anything. If I don't know the answer, I'll make something up.

My life is much more cheerful since I quit watching the news on TV.

Common sense is a flower that doesn't grow in everyone's garden.

When I was young, my feet would run and my nose didn't. Now that I'm old, my nose runs and my feet don't.

Old age is creaking up on me.

Why would old guys like me pay $8 for a senior movie ticket, when we can sleep in an easy chair at home and watch the movie for free.

Age is nothing but an accumulation of experience, and us old folks have a bigger accumulation than others.

A chrysanthemum by any other name would be easier to spell.

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The chief of staff of the U.S. Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. So, he decided to work in a nearby Air Force recruiting office for a day. An announcement was publicized that all eligible young men and women be invited for a visit.

The first two possible recruits were strapping, twin brothers from a local farm. They both looked like Marine Corp poster boys.

The chief of staff approached them and introduced himself. He looked at the first young farm lad and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"

The young man looked him in the eye and said, "I'm a pilot, sir."

The chief got all excited, turned to his aide and said, "Get him in today, all the paperwork done, everything, do it!" The aide hustled off with the recruit.

The general looked at the second young farm lad and asked, "What skills do you bring to the Air Force?"

The young farmer replied, "I chop wood, sir. And, I'm good at it."

"Son," the general said, "We don't need wood choppers in the Air Force. What do you know how to do that would benefit the Air Force?"

"I chop wood," was again the young man's answer.

"Young man," huffed the general, "You're not listening to me. We don't need wood choppers. This is the 20th century."

"Well," the young man says, "You wanted my brother!"

"Of course we did," was the general's comeback, "He's a pilot."

The young farmer rolled his eyes and said, "Dang it, sir, I have to chop it before he can pile it."