Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Horror, The Horror

I have half a mind not to bother writing about my week at Knitting Camp. I have pictures that convey better any paragraph the terror to which I've been exposed.

Would you, knowing full well what lay ahead, choose to sequester yourself in a small hotel among the sort of people who knit bicycles with cabled tires?

Or who carefully craft rib warmers for rubber chickens?

And always, always at the front of the room was this crazy woman who kept showing everybody her underarms.

At regular intervals the "campers" (not like any Boy or Girl Scouts I've ever seen, let me tell you) would parade shamelessly in front of the class with objects they had created.

When that was over, we'd have to knit some more. For hours at a time. Hours!

And then they would start again with the fancy-ass knitting parade.

So ostentatious.

I do not exaggerate when I tell you it was like this the entire four days. And don't even get me started on the piles of wool and knitting books that were just lying around in plain sight waiting for somebody to buy them. Disgusting.

So if you've been wondering whether you ought to check out Meg Swansen's Knitting Camp, obviously the answer is no. When the lottery opens for the extremely limited spaces in next year's camps, you should not consider trying to get in. It was an ordeal, darlings, an absolute ordeal.

Of course, I shall feel it is my duty as a photographer to return and document the moral turpitude, but then you know me–I'm all about sacrifice for the Greater Good.

Oh, the suffering! Really, Franklin, I don't see how we can ask you to go through this again. But we know you are determined and will not be turned from your duty, no matter how onerous. You are just that kind of guy. When do they send you the medal?

You don't know how much I appreciate your...um...sacrifice (yeah, that's it). More pictures! More! More! And I'm so freaking jealous of you right now that a little vanilla ice cream is needed to cool me down.

You are most noble in saving all of us from such drudgery and such a painful experience. I am eternally grateful . . . jealous yes. Sigh. Unfortunately, I do not ever see being able to sacrifice myself on the altar of knitting camp. Sigh.

Oh how hard that must have been. I do so love the pictures even though I am sure you are scarred for life now. I cannot believe that bike, but oh you have to give more info on all the shawls and sweaters!I am sooo jealous!

This year I chose major surgery over camp which gives you an idea of just how torturous time with all of those knitters can be. Thanks for joining the others who were up for the challenge, I'd hate for Meg, Amy and Joyce to be all alone.

For those of us who love to see images of others' suffering (especially in lace and fair isle), could you post a few more pics?

A fellow camper was still reeling from the impact of your 'Golden Memories' project and told me about it on Sunday night. Please share so we can send more words of comfort to you.

Franklin, I am so happy to see that you recovered so quickly from your "ordeal" at Camp. Could we have more photos please?

I'm the lady with the bun in the photo with Michael. The sweater is Meg Swansen's Giant Latvian Mitten Cardigan, Wool Gathering # 67. It is knit with Satakieli, on a size 1. I don't have it in front of me to check gauge, but it wasn't 12 sts/inch. It is a pattern within the reach of someone comfortable with colorwork.

I, for one, am so outraged at this behavior that I will endeavor to make moons, stars, heaven and earth align next year that I might participate and thus spare some other slag the horror that is knitting camp.

Also interested in the Panopticon's show-and-tell piece, unless it's been 'altered' by Dolores - wait, especially if she's had her hooves on it.

Ann (yet another), I used Merino Lace from Heirloom Knitting and 2.75 mm needles. This is a cobweb weight yarn, if you used Zephyr for the Spring Shawl it might be even bigger than mine. Mine is almost floor length and I'm about 5'7".

Okay .. so why is everyone wearing heavy wool sweaters in July ??? was the air conditioning on too low ???? has global warming ruined Wisconsin's summer ??? Are they so proud of their work that they opt to be VERY WARM ??? Crazy people do crazy things. If it walks like a duck .... etc. So what were you doing besides taking pictures ? Knitting maybe ???

Oh, you poor thing. It's amazing you can bring yourself to tell the tale. Perhaps Dolores didn't drink all the vodka while you were away. You could have yourself a drink and a little lie-down before you try to put this all behind you. If you do find yourself knitting uncontrollably we'll be here for you.

Golly, that looks rough. People have always said it's a tough workshop. So, for those who are wondering if they are good enough, ask yourselves: can you show your armpits? That is number one! Then consider: willingness to buy yarn? buy books? knit? look at other's stunning accomplishment's? Lastly, if you can understand why someone would need to knit a bicycle, you're ready!

I've convinced myself to volunteer to take Franklin's place next year.

No, Franklin, no need to thank me.

Gerrie in St. PaulPS: Did you plan this? My word verification had the abbreviation for a phrase I rework as "fudge ripple", around small children.

Oh I just had the best laugh over this post! I got registration info for the camp last year and my husband almost had a bird when he saw the cost. So, we've hatched a compromise--when we are no longer spending 13G on daycare each year, I can go to knitting camp. (only 5 more years, only 5 more years) BTW: I rarely comment but love your blog and am simply stunned by your "knitters" project. Bravo.

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