I may only be 2 yrs old but I can tell my Mummy and Daddy exactly what I need (want). My actions speak much louder than my words!

When I put on the wrong shoes, or when Mummy gives me the wrong biscuit I scream and shout. It’s the only way I know how to tell my Mummy ‘I Love You’!!

When you helped me with my colouring book, teaching me to keep in between the lines. I kept scribbling all over the page so hard that the paper ripped and I drew all over the table!

That was so much fun and I tried to say sorry by drawing a heart on your arm but you took the pens off me.

When you lovingly cooked me a hot delicious, nutritious meal and I said “urghh don’t like it” so that Daddy will play the aeroplane game with me. I push the food off the fork and it goes all over the floor! You say “no dessert for you unless you eat your dinner!” It’s so funny that game, and you let me play that one nearly every night!

I leave you my favourite stickers on the doors and walls so that when you are on your own they will remind you of me!

I tore a page from my favourite book to keep under my bed. It reminds me of when you do that funny wolf noise in the story and he comes to eat the children and we scream and shout together.

I look at that page every night and the safest place I can keep it is be under my bed.

And sometimes when I’m tired and I shout out things like ‘Put Dora on TV! ’ or ‘I want sweeties! ’, what I’m really saying is ‘I love you’.

I love to empty your purse of all those receipts and rip them up! That’s me letting you know that there’s no need to return those clothes you bought because you look beautiful in all of them!

You get annoyed when I play with your lipstick but that’s because I want to be like you Mummy and look like you Mummy.

Finally, when you are rushing to get me to nursery and you need to get to work and I take so long to do ANYTHING!

I take my time eating my porridge and spill a bit on my top so you have to change my clothes.

I put my shoes on the wrong feet and ask you to help me.

You get annoyed when you do my hair and I pull it all out. I sometimes throw a tantrum and hide under the table.

But the truth is, once I’m at nursery I won’t get to see you for the rest of the day.

In fact I do all this at bedtime too because I want to spend every minute I can with you.

I love you.

Can you pass me that biscuit please and pop Peppa Pig on TV before bed? X

So, my maternity leave started four whole weeks before my due date. It was the first time I would have had a year off working since I left college in 1998. A whole year away from office banter, clocking in, emails about how my pension was diminishing the older I got, colleagues bitching about ‘her’ in finance, and meetings with toffee nosed graduates in suits, I was ecstatic!

I strategically planned the next 12 months with precision.

I was going to change my life so that I didn’t have to go back to work, and my plan looked a bit like this…

Projected Outcome – Write a best selling book and make approximately £500k in sales to achieve not going back to work.

Actual Outcome – I decided on a title and the ending…I got ‘writer’s block’ around 4 months into my leave and my brain just stopped thinking. I started to write lists. I wrote lists about lists! I even added things to the list things I’d already done so I could just tick them off.

I did however manage to keep a baby diary for the full term of my pregnancy and I also half completed three ‘Baby’s First Year’ books I received as presents. Task completed.

Task 2 – Start a Business

Projected Outcome – Start Business (work from home) to achieve not going back to work. To elegantly swoon downstairs of a morning for a 9am start, buying and selling, making profit and securing investors into my niche market.

Projected Outcome – Again…elegantly swoon into a French Patisserie in Paris and have a conversation with the locals imbedding myself in local culture and hosting wine tasting evenings from my chateau in Brittany. (Using profits from the book to fund Task 3)

Ever wondered why our toddlers love to play with EVERYTHING that there not supposed too?

My daughter, Florence is almost 2 years old and yes she’s the type to want to play with the box that the toy arrived in. Out of a line up of toys and boring grey metal stuff she would prefer the boring grey metal stuff.

Spot the boring stuff.

Toddler: OOOh a pen! Stick it my pocket, hide it down the couch, stick it in a plug socket, hear my mum scream “OUCH!” Tastes nice too.Mummy: I can never find a penToddler: OOOh fluff on a stick! Suck them and squeeze them and stick them down my nappy! Pull them and swallow them these make me so happy!Mummy: I can never find a cotton budToddler: OOOh goggles! Mummy and Grandma wear these on their eyes, it makes them laugh when I put them on but not when I stretch the sides!Mummy: I can never find my glassesToddler: OOOh a phone “HIYA, HIYA, HIYA, OOOH, HIYA, HIYA, HIYA, HIYA, OOOH, HIYA, HIYA, HIYA” Sometimes it makes a big loud noise and flashes and Mummy ignores it. Daddy hides it down the couch then Mummy can’t always find it.Mummy: Where IS the phone?

Toddler: Ooh a face to put my fingers in! Holes, and prongs and switches and wires, there’s loads in every room! They make music, and sounds and warm fuzzy fires and glass bulbs full of perfume!Mummy: I should clean more around the plug sockets.

Toddler: More grey metal stuff! Mine is blunt and small and pink and doesn’t make any loud sounds. The shiny one goes crash, bang, clock, clink when I throw it to the ground!Mummy: Why do I not have a dish washer?

I’ve blurred out the dust

Toddler: Ooh a cap! Take it off, put it back on, hide it under the chair. Taking it off, Dad grabs it off me, life is SO UNFAIR!Mummy: I really should clean more behind the radiators.

Crocs..what can I say I’m a terrible mother

Toddler: I like pink shoes, brown shoes, green shoes, yellow shoes, and ones where I can wear socks. I hate blue shoes, plastic shoes, holey shoes, and waterproof shoes – these aren’t even proper CROCS!Mummy: Who’s ARE these shoes?

Toddler: I like the big white one with all the flashing lights and the noises and the turning and the swishing and swashing and the spinning and the smells and the bubbles and the foam and the…yawn zzzzzzzMummy: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzWhat household appliances is your baby drawn to?!