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This guy walks into a bar and ask the bar tender for a drink. He gets his drink and minds his own business and looks up and down the bar. To his amazement, he is stunned to see a 10' pianist on top of the bar. "Hey bartender," he says..."What is that 10' pianist doing on top of your bar?" "Well, you see this lamp?" asks the bartender. "Rub this lamp and you can make a wish, and you will see why I have a 10' pianist on the bar." So the man rubs the lamp and he wishes for a million bucks. All of a sudden, the doors pop open and a million ducks come flying into the bar. "Hey wait a minute!" says the man. "I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks." The bartender looks at him and says..."I didn't want a 10' pianist either."

One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large
raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no
idea of how to do so. The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God,
give me the strength to cross this river." POOF! God gave him big arms and
strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours,
after almost drowning a couple of times.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me
the strength ..and the tools to cross this river." POOF! God gave him a
rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after
almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.

The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also
prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the
tools...and the intelligence...to cross this river."

And POOF God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked
upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over "Ebonics," has decided to designate Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary: