“I can remember way back when a liberal was one who was generous with his own money.”
- Will Rogers

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Real Talk

Intro music blares: Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes

Jimbo: It's 2 pm on Sunday; welcome to "Real Talk With Jimbo" on WOBC, the student radio station at Oberlin College. As usual, I'm your host Jimbo and I'm here to discuss current events on campus. This week looks to be a little different from most. We've been doing this show for about a year and a half, and my usually reliable sidekick Barry has always been here to produce the show. Today, though, I have no idea where he is. Barry, if you can hear me, you are in big trouble. Folks will have to bear with me, as I'm used to Barry pulling up all the calls. I guess I'll be doing that myself today. Nonetheless, we have a great show planned. Wait a second, here he is. Barry, you look like crap!

Jimbo: Well it looks like you are having a major hangover. You smell too. Is that vomit in your ridiculous moustache? You must have been drinking.

Barry: I was at a party at a friend's apartment last night. I had a soda.

Jimbo: A likely story. What happened at the party?

Barry: The last thing I remember is that troll girl. You know the one, I think she's a sophomore. Always taking her top off in public, as if people want to see fat rolls; built like a weeble. She kind of cornered me, started talking about how she liked my purple cowboy boots. Then she started yelling and swearing at me, accusing me of voting for President Bush.

Jimbo: You voted for Bush? That's a joke. She is nasty, you should have run. What happened next?

Barry: She kept calling me a F@#$ing Republican, and I tried to explain that I've never voted. Then she pulled out a vial of cocaine. I joked that the only Coke I did was diet. She got really aggressive, but I wouldn't try it. Finally she made a joke about finding some way to get me high, and she got me a glass of Diet Coke. It must have been generic, because it tasted funny. That's the last thing I remember.

Anyway, I woke up about twenty minutes ago in a different apartment. My pants were off and I was in a different apartment building. I was scared. I found my pants and ran out of the building as fast as I could. I never even found my coat. I just kept running. Eventually I realized that I was late for the show and I made my way over here. I'm still shivering, and not just from the cold.