December 26, 2009

December 25, 2009

I am down with a small-ish headache, a bit of the flu and my tonsil seems to be swollen. I slept it off earlier but it seems to have gotten worse. So, while everyone is out-Yusof playing futsal, dad, mum, Ibraheem and Hajar are at Tok Bik's-I am here, home, with Muhammad and the maid. I thought I was going to sleep it off again but it's too hot and I'll be sweating in my sleep and, truth be told, I didn't really feel like going anyway.

The idea of everyone asking me how much I got is just upsetting. I don't feel good enough. I don't feel like meeting my grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins, granduncles and aunts. I still feel like yesterday actually. I'm not happy nor am I sad.

December 24, 2009

Indeed, not what anybody expected but it is what I expected. Yes. I wasn't expecting 8As. I just wasn't. Alright. I don't know what I'm feeling. It's all mixed up. I feel happy one minute and the next, I'm weeping. It may not seem like a big deal, but I don't know. I feel like I've just let everybody down. Especially Puan Nik. She was ever so hoping that I get an A for BM.

Right after I got home, I spent the whole day in my room. I pondered and thought a lot of what I've gone through. I think I deserve what I got. Truth be told, I never enjoyed BM before. Even so, I'm going to buck up next year, that I promise you.

And thank you for all for everything :) Especially to those who gave me hugs, kisses and calls. I love you guys, aite? I'm also planning a get-together on the 30th at my house for lunch. I'm cooking. Will keep you posted.

December 23, 2009

My handsome boy is in the hospital :( He's down with a case of bronchitis, or something like that. So here I am in the hospital with this little boy and my ma. Hopefully he comes out tomorrow. He looks unhappy here. Okay, I don't know that but mum says he's bored here so I suppose it's true.

34 hours to go.I am excited, I am nervous and everything in between. If things turn out to be alright, then thank God. If they don't, then, thank God too. Okay. No matter what it is, I'll give you people hugs on the day alright? :)

December 22, 2009

I watched My Sister's Keeper today. I can't say whether the movie is better than the book because I can't remember what I read. I think I was reading it during an examination week or the week before an examination week. I got it from Farah. I presume I was reading fast, hardly taking it all in. Maybe 75%? Therefore, do forgive my memory span of a goldfish. But either way, the movie was good. The cinematography was awesome, the soundtrack, ah. Everything!

Of all the movies I have watched throughout my life, I've never seen one which moved me so much. I can't believe I didn't shed a single tear at all reading the book, but the movie? Honestly, I cried throughout the whole thing. During happy scenes, I'd be teary eyed, tears slowly rolling down my cheek so you can imagine how I was during the real heart-breaking ones. Lucky I shooed everyone away before watching it.

I don't think I'll be watching it anytime soon. I don't want to be bursting into tears anytime soon. Okay. FINE. I bet I will be bursting into tears soon anyway. You-know-when. So, spot me okay?

I was quite surprised to receive this. Included was a Parsons Under-Graduate Viewbook and a link to St. Martins College of Art and Design. Of course I shrieked with happiness. How I wish I could just swing by to one of them and spend the rest of my life painting and drawing and sketching. Oh the joy. But...well, you know. Okay. I shall not write pathetic things now *clears throat* Moving on.

I read the Parsons Viewbook thing and they have Environmental Studies! How awesome? I wouldn't mind taking that up. And St. Martins have Easter school around March next year. The price range is around, brace yourselves people, RM1800, and that is for a four-day course or so, in London, with qualified teachers. Damn. I'd love to go for the Life Studies course. Okay. I'll pray that dad will have loads of business next year so he can send me to London *grin*

Speaking of Parsons and such, I've been thinking a lot of what courses I'd "love" to take. I might take Biochemistry. I love Science, you can't blame me. No mum, I don't want to be a doctor-end of. But thinking about all of this round and round, I'd suddenly think of taking up Law, do Syariah as well and earn mega bucks at dad's firm. But I don't know.

This is what you get when Khadijah is bored and she remembers her long-forgotten-nice-smelling acrylics in the everything-can-be-stowed-in-here canvas bad. Hehe. Anyway, here is all I have to say: I will never ever get sick of this line. Not in a million years. Yes, you can say that I am indeed obsessed with Coldplay. But truth be told, nobody can match them.

Enough said :DOh. And I embarassed myself by mixing up non-fiction and fiction, again. Not to mention, in front of Awang Goneng *bangs head against wall* But either way, yesterday could be one of the best days in all of December. Had lots of food, laughs, met new people. Pretty enjoyable, I must say.

December 18, 2009

I managed to sketch this with my pigments before in died. R.I.P. beloved pigments :(Anyways. I can say that out of all my sketches, this would be one of the best. The first best would be the crazily detailed one of a Burberry ad. I don't think I have the picture. It's on dad's Facebook. But, heck yeah. I'M PROUD OF THIS ONE YO!

I'm not so sure about the eyes. I don't really like it somehow. I think it's because I put in a little bit too much of the detail. Other than that, I think it's purdee. I don't know what you think. I think that you think I'm too self-absorbed in myself for saying it's a very pretty sketch. In other words, I'm complementing myself. Alright, if you didn't understand that knock my on the head when you see me :D

So right now, I need money. I need a new set of pigments. I need a tub of impasto, retarder and gesso maybe? Krhkrh.

So here I am, up at the early hours of the morn with a tall mug of Twinning's Lady Grey tea just so I can use the broadband stick. The joy of snooping around. Haha. Oh, and did you hear? Results are on the 24th. I feel so...nervous. Actually, that's not the correct word, no. I don't know what the correct word for it is.

Anyway, I've been contemplating. The decision I'm about to make is no fun, and I have to make it fast. It's only in a matter of weeks. Alright. Let me stop being so, I don't know, mysterious about it. So here: I passed the admittance entrance exam for Adni and they're holding my spot there until MRSM results come out and I have to give my blardee desicion. I would've spilled this earlier on but, you know how things get with me. Therefore I am contemplating every single minute of the day now. I've narrowed my decisions down, though:

If I don't get into MRSM, Adni I shall go

If I do get into MRSM, I will think things over.

Dump Adni and MRSM, stay in Section 5

Homeschool

Okay, laugh at the 4th one. I don't mind. I'll be laughing along with you as well :) But anywhoo. I have indeed weighd my pros of all my decisions. The pros of Adni:

I don't have to sit for SPM because I've chosen the English medium, therefore I'll be sitting for IGCSE instead.

If I do well, I can jump straight to secondary 5 and finish school earlier. Which is impossible in my case seeing my tarnished results. HE HE.

After IGCSE, I will be done with school considerably early. Like, three weeks earlier than when SPM is just about to start.

Apparently, there will be a guaranteed spot at UIAM. Makes things easier for my parents. Duh.

The pros of MRSM:

Great facilities

Higher chances of going overseas. That is even if I do well and get a scholarship. Hello?! AM I THAT CAPABLE LAH?

Therefore in any case at all, Adni wins. But even so, I haven't made my decision and they're still holding my spot so everything is okay I suppose. Except for the fact that I am indeed near to banging my head on the wall about this. It's just that my head hurts every single bloody time I try to make my mind up.

I wish I could make things easier and just stay in Section 5. But things will never be that easy. Especially when you have parents who expect a lot out of you, and there are people around you have great expectations of you and know that you will be a someone one day-and no, none of this are bad things.

December 12, 2009

Oh woe, I've been eating a lot. I ate 5 scoops of ice cream just now. It was supposed to be shared and yet, Yusof didn't even touch much of it. In the end, I had to finish it. Oh well. I didn't mind. I enjoy eating. And I now have Wuthering Heights! The clothbound edition from Penguin Classics. I love! I regret not buying The Lost Symbol but...this book was too tempting.

Okay, I wouldn't call my first attempt at carbonara a disaster but it's pretty much close. My first attempt, so? Haha. What happened was I used the wrong method of heating the carbonara sauce. Why? Because there were 6 egg yolks in it, mixed with cream and I-stupidly-heated it over a hot fire and it turned into a semi-scramble egg thing. But somehow, it tastes fine. It smells, well, like typical carbonara. Which is good. Even mum says it smells fine so, I guess it's okay *grin* But either way, I will try making it again tomorrow morning and for dinner, pesto. Dad wants a pesto pizza though. We shall see.Also, I found this at Kinokuniya just now. I swear everyone looked at me when I yipped with happiness. I don't know why but I find cooking very interesting. Especially after watching Julie & Julia, I became inspired. Right now I'm going to try out with pasta and spaghetti first. After I'm done with it, I shall pray that either mum or dad get me this lovely recipe book and I shall try all of it out. And over the holidays, I will be cooking. If you want free food, do come over and be my food-critic.

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Disaster n°deux;

It's not exactly a disaster; I may be overreacting but I might not be able to go to AFG tomorrow and see Mei. Dad and mum claim that they are busy. Not that I blame them or anything. But well, I don't know. I'm frustrated.

December 11, 2009

The sketch in which my pigments decided to die. I think it looks horrible. Some of my recent sketches look like this. Unfinished, messy, disoriented. I don't know. I think something's going on inside my brain but I can't put a finger on it. But I promise I'll come up with better sketches. I might try with pencil. But that really isn't my forte. I don't even know what in the world is my forte.

Janiz said that I have a very carefree thing going on about me. She sees it in my drawings and such. Darrell, on the other hand, is very detailed. So, there you go. My long lost brother is a mirror image of me, in some ways. Okay. Excuse the influence from Her Fearful Symmetry here.

Each of them warmed to the sound of the other's voice. They lay in the darktogether, in distant cities, each of them thinking, We were lucky this time. Andthey pressed their phones closer to their ears, and both of them wondered howmuch longer this separation could go on.-Her Fearful Symmetry; Audrey Niffenegger

If I were to decide which of Audrey Niffenegger's book I prefered, I'd say The Time Traveller's Wife. I think that Her Fearful Symmetry is a bit too dark for me. Oh well. Right now I'm thinking of saving up my money to buy the RM80 Wuthering Heights sold at Kinokuniya. It's hardcover so I suppose it's a good price.

Other books include:

The Lost Symbol; Dan Brown

Shakespeare; Bill Bryson

Mastering the Art of French Cooking; Julia Child

Okay. I'm not serious about the third one. Haha. But yeah, I'd love to have it. I've been cooking lunch for the kiddos these past few days. It's hardly mum-standard, but they love it. So, yeah. Anyway. Suggest me more books, please. And nothing to do with a vampire love story or such. I NEED CHANGE YO.

I got bored. And dad so happened to buy Ibraheem an origami how-to book, which he hasn't started on, so I spent an hour or two a day making butterflies, swans and flowers. I made about 30+ of the swans. Hoping to make 100 of them. I used the pages out of Ikea's 2010 catalogue.

I went for the UKKM yesterday at Seremban's MARA college, and, holey donuts, the questions were excruciatingly painful. Okay. Only the Maths though. I swear my fingers were shaking and my palms were sweating and I couldn't think at all. I counted: I didn't answer 65% out of the 40 questions. I felt like shit. Seriously. Lucky the Science questions weren't that bad. Confusing, yes but hardly difficult. And the personality test was...okay. 100 questions and, they were fine. Some of the answers couldn't relate to me. And the system was slow so I finished late, but who cares. I had A&W later with dad.

Other than that, my pigments are out. All 5 of them. I was in the middle of finishing a sketch and they all "died". Right now, I'm on the way to being broke so I don't know when I can restock. I also need a bottle of gesso, retarder, impasto, canvases, new paint brushes and...I don't know what else.

December 5, 2009

"Every time I think about it, I don't know what to do, what I can do about it. I only know I feel terrible, miserable and these feelings never seem to go away. I tried not to think about it but it's impossible. I'm so tired, this silence..."-Silence; O Thiam Chin

Go to MPH, get yourself O Thiam Chin's Never Been Better. It's (Y). Trust me.Right now, I'm trying to get myself to read anthologies and such. I find it rather interesting, somehow. I suppose because there are many more stories to read rather than just a book with one 700-paged story eh? And it's cheaper. Ha ha.

Alright, I guess I'm 5 days late of saying so but yeah, like I care. So, ini hari, I think I have lots to share and a few something somethings to post which I will later tonight when the connection ain't so congested. Right now, I'm just itching to go to the kitchen and eat my head off. But I will start jogging next week (I hope) and get back into shape. I've got a feeling that my stamina has just run terribly dry after not going down to Siaga for about two weeks now. By the way, any news for me? Syaza ke, Aisyah ke? You lot have been quiet *grin*

OH! And Saturday = art class + Darrell = giggling like hell. God. I swear on that floor, we were the noisiest and that was only the two of us. Imagine if the whole 'family' was there. Bet the floor would've crashed down or something. Speaking of, anybody planning on a get-together? I was planning on having a pot luck one of these days. I don't know. We shall see. Just come over if you want, by the way. My house is always open. Sort of.

New Moon? Don't ask. I don't know whether or not I'm going to watch it at the cinemas or if I'll just be watching it with a couple of pillows and my phone when the DVD comes out. God-knows. Pray for me. And, um, RANtAi with les cousins again this year I suppose. I don't know yet. Haha.

Too many plans and I don't know if any of them will be getting the green light. Yokeh. More updates/pictures later tonight. I have a room to clean up. People coming tomorrow.