>>That feeling. Like there's part of me missing. My heart is missing other half. The fact I was alone was nothing strange but feeling that it will stay that way, grew stronger every day.<<
***
My name is Kayla. I will tell you my story.

It was first day of school. New high school awaits. If I said I was excited, I'd lie. I was afraid. Afraid that I won't be excepted. I was just simply different. I was not sure what bothered people on me so damn much. True, my style was a bit dark and emo but not so much at all! I didn't wear black make-up also my hair were normal...well not really normal. They were light brown and curly a bit messy. Well I kinda hated them but everybody said I have beautiful hair. But probably it was my way of thinking. I had different theories about the world and I had different way to solve problems. In primary school they had bunch of nicknames for me like; nerd, crazy, freak and my favourite animal. Well I liked animals. Especially wolves. I felt deep connection with them, invisible strong bond, but people didn't understand. They never will. I also like to draw. Yes I had artistic soul and that's maybe what scared people. Anyway, nobody wanted to be my friend, even though I can be very funny and loyal friend.

I got ready for school, I literally threw my books and notebooks, pencil-case and some snacks in my old bag. Personally I loved my old grey bag. Because it was falling apart I fixed it, I sew on it wolf skull and put some chains on it. It was so badass, haha. I went on the bus. Bus station was about 50 metres away from my house. I lived alone with my mum. My dad left me when I was baby and my mum did not want to marry again. She rarely spoke about him. But she wasn't really hurt. She knew why he left but she didn't want to tell me. And I didn't ask. I didn't really care. I didn't know how it is to have father and I lived with it, why change it now? So, after 10 minutes of wild driving with bus, honestly I had a feeling bus will fall apart, I was just waiting when I will see a wheel running away from bus. I saw my school only once. And then I almost got headache. ''This thing is huge!'' When I entered I saw two big doors and stairs. On first there was sign: Boy Lockers, on second; Girl Lockers. I obviously picked up second and searched for a locker I will have whole year. I spotted one locker free in a corners. I liked corners. Don't ask me why. And not some dark, scary, creepy corners, just corners. I looked on my watch I actually put on (I usually don't wear it). ''Holly crap, I'm almost late!'' I somehow found schedule in a rush. ''Hell no, math? Seriously? First day of school already ruined,'' I was thinking while running up stairs. I came to classroom in big hurry, I almost knocked door down. Just kidding, I'm not that strong. A lot of people were already there. My new school mates. They were looking me as crazy. Perfect beginning. There were only one eyes that had no judgement in it, only friendly smile. Deep green almost neon eyes. Dark haired guy was actually smiling at me. ''Hi, I'm James,'' he said. ''Hi, I'm Kayla,'' I answered already feeling awkward. I sat behind him, because that table was already free. Teacher was telling boring stuff whole hour (you know math) and I didn't want to listen. I was just constantly looking at the James in front of me. Damn, he was hot!
So hours were passing and I was just looking at him. When I saw him of course. Sometimes he didn't have class with me. And that time I felt ... panic?
Next lesson he was there in my classroom. My brains tried to concentrate on work but my heart want something else. When bell rang again, I grabbed my books but I didn't put them in bag because I was in hurry (big mistake) and then I tripped and fell on the floor. My books were flying over hallway. Then silhouette came there and knelt down and I saw only hands which were searching for my books. I got up. It was him. James. I was so touched. He was picikng up my books. Oh such a sweety! Okay, that getting weird. I looked his eyes. I was crazy on his eyes!
''Thank you,'' I said blushing. ''No problem,'' he said with soft voice.

When It was all over, I went on bus again and I picked up two free seats, making free space for someone else. And then he came. ''May I?'' he asked. ''Of course!'' I said, hoping I didn't blush. I hate when I blush. We spend 10 minutes in silence, well he had earphones and then it was my station. I stood up to go, but he gently grabbed my arm saying: ''Wait.'' He gave me small piece of paper. It was his phone number. ''Thanks,'' I said silently.
I went off bus. I waited bus to drive away. I checked there was nobody around and then: ''YES!!!'' with my victorious dance.

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Well Kayla is a bit like me...just a bit... I hope you liked it. I hope you will next!

I was holding that small piece of paper with his phone number, trying to remember it. Which is truly challenge, I don't even know my own phone number (what? It's really weird one!). I imagined him. He was something special. Amazing green eyes, deep as ocean calling me to dive in, his dark brown haircut really fits him and his angelic smile. Was I in love? My heart sure was beating fast while thinking of him.
Was he the one? The one I'm waiting? My other half?

When I came to school I was searching for him James. There was too many people anyway, impossible to find anyone at all. That's why I went to my locker. There was a girl opening her locker which was beside my. When my eyes met with her blue she gave the most evil look I've ever witness. ''What did I do to you, woman?'' I thought. She wanted to avoid me to get out of lockers room but there wasn't so much place so she pushed away with big force two girls and those girls fell down. Some other girls helped to get all books which fell then I asked: ''Who the hell is she?'' I was staring at the door where that mean blondie left. ''Lindsey. Pretty much the most evil creature on this school. She's third year, beware of her,'' one of them answered. I shrugged. I'm not afraid of her...what can she do to me anyway?

Lessons were about to start but James was nowhere to be found. ''Don't freak out, he's not here, who cares, maybe he is sick, Kayla!'' I said to myself. But still, I couldn't get rid of this bad feeling whole history, half of hours my gaze was fixed on his empty chair, another half I was staring at door, he might came in any second. But nothing happened. Bell rang. Feeling that something bad happened was growing stronger. Then in hit me like a truck; ''You idiot, you have his phone number!'' I ran to lockers room, I had phone closed in my locker (I know a lot of people have it in pocket but hey, I don't wanna get cancer because of radiation or something...everyone else will die...mwahaha...sorry I got carried away). I was completely sure nobody is there because lessons were about to start. But I was wrong. Somebody was there. Lindsey. That...bitch (sorry some things can not be told nicely). ''What the hell are you doing here?!'' she yelled on me. She obviously thought she will be alone there. She dropped her phone. She was looking me with those killer eyes that drill into you until they cut your soul in small pieces. ''And what are you doing here?'' I asked. ''That's none of your business. Get the fuck out now!!!'' I thought whole school heard her. ''No,'' I said simply. She frowned, she wasn't used to rebels. She stepped closer then she slapped me with hard book for geography, Atlas. Well, I didn't expected that. It hurt. Hell no, you're not getting away with this. You screw me, I screw back, I'm lady like that!((Stolen from a movie)). I will protect my honour for any cost. I kicked her hard in the stomach and pushed her out of lockers room, but I stayed in. She wanted to open door, probably to kill me but I kicked the door so she got them in the face. ''I'm bleeding you whore!'' she screamed and ran away because her nose was really bleeding. ''I'm happy for you,'' I murmured. Then I remember why I came here. And shit, I will be totally late for the class. But James might be dying so there's quite clear what's more important. I checked my phone. I had one message. It was his!
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Hi Kayla, I'm sick today and I probably won't come in school. Please tell to teachers If they ask about me, okay?
James.
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''You piece of...cupcake. I thought there's something really wrong,'' I said silently. I had feeling like he's dying or something. And he was just sick?! I mean, it's good for him, he's not dying...Ohh I'm getting crazy. So he was sick. But why he told this to me? A guy like this must have million of friends, why texting to me? What am I to him? Wait...he likes me?
***
Next day I felt weird. I was a little sick maybe. When I ate food It had terrible taste. So weird. That never happened before. Bones over my body were in pain. But why bones? Then suddenly my stomach was turning weird. ''I'll throw up!'' I said to myself. I get to the bathroom just in time. But then another moment I felt just fine. I felt like nothing never happened. I waited few moments more then I decided to go in school because James might be there today. He was. But he wasn't so okay and normal. He looked exhausted, his skin was pale and his eyes were tired. I ran to him down the hallway. ''James, are you okay? You look like you've been hit by a truck...or a train maybe.'' As soon as he realize I'm next to him he said just: ''I'm fine!'' with tone of annoyance. ''Yeah, sure,'' I looked sarcastic as I looked him again. He was like death itself. Then I noticed his arm. It was full of fresh wounds, like scratches. ''What happened?'' I said, this time seriously. ''I'm telling you, everything is fine!'' he said once more, then he pushed me gently into the classroom. After few hours James disappeared. He was not in school, not even on bus. Maybe somebody drove him home... And I soon as I came home felt sick again.
''What the hell is happening?'' I felt like everybody know exactly what's happening except for me. My mum knew. Birds flying around my window knew. Leaves dancing in the wind knew. Everybody and everything knew.

I decided best for me is to go sleep. I felt asleep quickly. Dreams took over. I was dreaming about wolves. There was a pack. In the forest near my house. Wolves were nervously stepping closer. Then silver wolf appeared. His eyes were green. Deep neon green. He was looking at me and waiting. Looking with those eyes...I woke up. It was only 3 o'clock. I fell asleep again, this time with no dreams.
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Kmalu bo postalo zanimivo. I promise! NEXT maybe?

11. maj 2014

u122384

And shit, I will be totally late for the class. But James might be dying so there's quite clear what's more important.
He's dying?! Serioulsy?!
Next!

Hvala za vse nexte, I love you!
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I woke up. First thing that came to my minds were my dreams. Those freaking green eyes. So familiar. My dreams were never so clear, they were usually some blurry images of stuff I saw that day. I got out of bed and suddenly a wave of pain went over my body. I felt sick, my stomach was getting wild. And bones, oh they hurt so much, like they wanted to separate from my body. Bones never hurt me before. This is weird. A lot. I decided to eat something and ignore that sickness like I usually did. Soon as I came to kitchen I imagined meat. My brains wanted meat. Raw, bloody meat. I shook my head. That was scary idea. But my brains wanted. I was getting worried. Something is very wrong. I wrote text message to only person I would trust problems like this no matter the fact I know him for two days. James.
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Something is very wrong. I know it's school today but can you call me at least?
-Kayla
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It took him 10 minutes to reply:
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No problem, luckily I'm near your home, I can come and see you! I'll be there in 5 minutes! I hope you can wait that long.
-James
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I felt warmth in me. He's on the way...wait a second, he knows where I live? I didn't tell him, oh my God! What if he's a pedofile or a murderer?! No, I'm just crazy, there must be a completely logical explanation. Bell rang. He is here already. I ran down the stairs (which I soon regret, because I was still sick) and I opened him. ''Hi,'' he said nicely but his look was still worried. I invited him in, we went in my room. ''So, Kayla, what's wrong?'' I was thinking how to make it simple. ''Everything,'' I answered, realizing this still needs more explanation. ''I-I mean I feel sick, I will throw up sooner or later, my bones are in giant pain, I'm feeling terrible!'' I didn't tell him about meat but I think he already got it. He was just staring at me, saying nothing. I knew he knew something. He sighed: ''Maybe you're just sick...people get sick...you should lay down and rest.'' And then I saw them. His eyes. Exactly the same as wolf's from my dreams. ''Could it be? Of course not! He can't be...or can he?'' I was fighting with myself. He realized there's something weird happening with me and I just made an excuse: ''I will throw up!'' Awkward but it helped. I ran up stairs in bathroom. I looked myself in the mirror, looking deep into my dark brown chocolate eyes. ''I'm living in real world. Wake up,'' I said to myself harsh. But then doubt, loud as truth came into my mind: ''But hey, where was he yesterday, where was he now, to come so quickly and he know where you live, girl! And his wounded arm!'' I wanted to ask James by myself but what if I'm wrong. He will think I'm crazy and leave me like others! ''Somebody help me please!'' I said loudly, next moment hoping I wasn't heard. I decided I will tell him about my dreams, then we will see his reaction.
I came back down. His look was very worried. Was I bathroom for a long time?
''Are you okay?'' he asked, but question was inappropriate, I was sick. ''You know,'' I started: ''This night I had weird dreams. About wolf pack,'' his eyes got bigger as I mentioned wolves: ''And there was also a silver wolf, coming closer to me and his eyes...were exactly like yours,'' I finished. ''Wow...it's just a dream, it doesn't mean anything!'' he said, obviously lying. ''You can trust me. Now stop fooling yourself and tell me everything!'' I said with attitude everyone would be scared of. ''Okay...I'm sorry for hiding this from you...I'm a werewolf. And you're becoming one.'' He put his hands behind his head, with elbows high in the air. He felt uncomfortable. Somehow I wasn't surprised or shocked. I pointed to my chair, saying: ''Sit. I believe you have a lot to tell me.'' He obeyed me, like a scared puppy. I could smell his nervous tension.
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A short next, more about, tomorrow, if you next of course! O ja, pa enkrat ko bom imela čas...to še ne bo hmal šola pa to...bom narisala like iz zgodbice ^^

Tina...just...*no comment.*
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He sighed again, knowing he'll have to tell a lot. ''How is that even possible? How can I be a werewolf? Why me? And why are you one?'' He smiled at my curious questions. ''First of all, I'd like to avoid word ''werewolf'', we're not creatures from stories, half human, half wolf, were just humans who can transform into wolves, keeping our intelligence. There are two ways to become a wolf; you got bitten by one or you have wolf in blood, so at least one of your parents is wolf,'' he finished. I never got bitten by a wolf, I'm sure about that. My mum, can't be a werewolf, she's afraid of wolves but...my father. I never knew him. He was probably werewolf. Was that the reason he left? ''And yesterday,'' he continued: ''I wasn't sick, we had some pack problems...'' he stopped as he noticed my astonished look: ''Pack? There's whole pack?'' He giggled: ''Indeed, there's more of us. But still things aren't so simple.'' I was thinking about the new informations I just received. ''But why...I mean if I'm wolf, why am I changing now, when I'm fifteen?'' I asked.
''We all do. You start changing between age of 10 and 17. Few days you feel sick and changing uncontrolling, later you gain control and transform whenever you want.''
''Oh so...'' I had no words. ''Then you gonna introduce me to the pack?'' I asked. ''Soon as you will be enough strong to stay in wolf body.'' he said and chuckled. ''Now I will go and you stay at home. I'm sure you won't change in wolf body sooner than one week. When one week passes I will come to you, okay? Now I have to go in school. Don't worry I have some excuses because of delay. '' I would rather see him to stay but I understood him. Why would he stay here. I have luck he actually came. ''Okay. Bye bye.'' ''See you!'' he said and left.

So I'm going to be a wolf. That's AWESOME! Who would not want to be a wolf, I mean a freaking wolf! They're so ... free. No school, no homework, just running, hunting and playing. But everything has it's problems...but who cares, I WILL BE A WOLF!

***

*A half of me is not human. It is pure wild with free spirit. Wolf. That freedom never seemed so close to me. Now I will get it. I will be free like wolf running trough the forests and wild landscapes. *

I spend entire week in my bad. Thanks God for laptops! My mum at first wanted me to send me at school, something in sense: ''Who cares if you're just little sick, you're probably pretending, do you write an exam? And what does even hurts you...'' but she had to believe me when thermometer showed 42 °C, then she wanted to take me to hospital. Mums...
My bones really got crazy, I was afraid they're going to break or something, it felt like so, my stomach was going round and round (it's a song, isn't it?) and food had no taste at all. It felt like dying but I was strong. Maybe I was strong only for James. He was so important for me. Even though we had nothing, I couldn't imagine life without him. I knew now, I love him but I didn't get enough courage to tell him. Let's just wait, there's no hurry.
After 6 days of pain and suffer, James came. He picked up perfect time, because mum was at work ( well, she actually always at work, she works in factory. She doesn't earn a lot but enough to live normal). When the bell rang I just ignored my pain, like it's nothing, I almost ran down the stairs and I opened. As soon as I saw his eyes I felt better. My heart was beating faster as he smiled. ''Hi, how're,'' he stopped realizing I'm not good: ''I mean sorry, err I have to tell you something.'' I led him to my room, giving him look he can tell what he had to. ''Okay. There's not just one pack. There's small group, growing bigger called ''Outcasts'' and it fits them. Those people are really evil, when they transform they're even more mean and agressive. They're dangerous. Now...Your first days of being wolf will not be easy for you but pack will accept you and we will always help you. We will protect you, till you will learn how to protect yourself. Now about the pack...'' I listened him, swallowing his words one by another like they'd be tasty cupcakes. His voice was so sweet and soft! ''Currently we have 10 members if we don't count you. Our leader; the alpha wolf is Jack, big and grey brown wolf. He is okay, good leader I must admit but he is getting old and new leader will be needed, quite soon. There's also no alpha female because he don't want so. Hmm...You know which are ranks in normal wolf packs, right?'' He asked me. I nodded. Of course, I know everything about wolves they are one of my favourite animals. I'm exciting to become one! ''Okay then. Betas are Nick and Math they are the biggest and the blackest wolves in our pack. There is also Timmyy he's grey wolf. They are like our guards. Also I will soon become beta if I will do all the testes okay. We have also special rank 'Hunters' and those are our females, also you might become a hunter. Allya is very colouful wolf, you can't miss her really. Nickita is reddish wolf, Lexa is white but her paws, ears and end of tail is dark grey. We also have two omegas, which are the best. We are all relaxed when they are around. Ben and Lynn twins, so both have same colour coats; mixture of grey and brown,'' he finished. ''Cool,'' was the only thing I could say, I had too much work whit his green eyes. Suddenly wave of big pain went across my body. I bit my tongue, stopping myself from screaming. I was crushing down, but James was there to catch me. ''I will stay with you,'' he whispered in my ear. He knew what is happening. And I knew too. Pain was shaping my body. I felt two arms carrying me. My vision was blurry and everything was dark. Will this always hurt so much? Pain was over. I opened my eyes and got on my feet. But they were not feet anymore. They were paws. I was now, sliver and white she-wolf with some brown areas. I saw a person standing next to me. Instincts, they were so strong, they made me feel afraid, they wanted me to run away from that creature. But I saw his green eyes. I knew them. Now I my human was fighting with my wolf. Suddenly, that man was gone. It was only wolf with his eyes. Then I remembered his name. James. How could I forget that? I was angry and confused at once. James started to run. I followed, him to the forest, what else could I do?
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Yay! Next, please?

I felt alive. Really alive. My body was active, running trough the forest but my legs didn't got tired, whole body was created to run on long distances. My senses were now sharp and ready. My nose was giving me so much informations; everything had it's smell, even things that were here hours ago. My instincts were loud and wild I felt amazing. This is the true me.

It was getting darker and colder, but I couldn't felt the could trough my dense coat. I followed James, his silver coat was shinning in bright moonlight, he was like a beautiful ghost...or even angel. His green eyes looked me. My nostrils filled nice smell of spruce needles, wolf coat and freshness. Now in my wolf body, I wasn't searching for words to describe things, my thinking was simple and full of wild instincts. I understood his body language, he was showing me everything is okay. Then I sensed more wolves, not far away. I got excited. ''Come,'' simple word connected in my brains but voice wasn't mine. I looked James. ''Yes, we can use our language to communicate trough our mind, but you have to learn it. But here in pack we usually don't talk. We live like wolves.'' I followed him as he led me to the pack. And then I saw them. On the bright glade which moonlight gave slight touch of magic. A group of wolves was staring at me. Some seemed curious, others seemed serious. Grey and brown big wolf came to me, behind him two black wolves were growling slightly and they were even bigger than alpha. First they were sniffing around me, to remember my smell, which was like wolf ID. Suddenly alpha jumped towards me, growling on me loudly and angry. I did what my instincts and brains told me to, I shrunk, I put my head low and squeal. And that was fine with the alpha. He wanted to show who's the boss and check if I understand that. Alpha led me to the group of females to stay with them. They were experienced hunters. Colourful wolf Allya first came to me and sniffed around me and my coat. Other two, red and almost just white, Nickita and Lexa were playing, when they saw me, they came to me and Lexa bite me in the ear gently which was like nice way of showing her dominance over me. Nickita licked my coat to show me, I'm her friend. So, I will become hunter.

Omega twins, Lynn and Ben (they were brown and grey with some beige coat) came, with good news. They sensed prey near us. I knew this will be first hunt for me, so I have to try hard. Prey was just a deer, as my nose told me so the whole pack won't be needed, just us, hunters.
My night vision was great plus there was big moon, so I saw as it was bright day. When I saw Lexa and Allya crawling in the high grass I did the same, as slowly and as quietly I could. But I didn't saw Nickita anywhere. That red wolf just disappeared. We were looking the prey and waiting. But why? I didn't knew. On a sign maybe? Suddenly deer start to run in panic. What happened? I was confused. But then I realized he was running towards us. Lexa and Allya prepared to jump on deer. When deer reached us, they really jumped on pull and bite that poor deer. Behind deer I saw Nickita. Then I knew! She was going to bring us deer. But I wasn't thinking in that moment, I ran to the deer and bite him in thigh. Warm tasty blood was fulling my mouth. I was trying to stop the deer to pull it down but it was too strong. Then I saw something white and deer was down. Lexa was having deer's neck in mouth. Of course, my brains were still a bit confused, first time in wolf body and my wolf knowledge got lost somehow.
I was hungry and I wanted to try a piece of deer but Lexa jumped on me, growling. She showed me I'll have to wait. Soon pack came. James seemed happy and he was wagging his tail. He came closer licked my muzzle, telling me I did a great job. I noticed nobody was eating. Then I remembered, higher ranks eat first. So alpha Jack came closer and started to eat. Soon others joined, betas, then hunters, omegas followed and at the end, I. Almost nothing left but I was hungry. James joined me. I guess we were considered here as pups. Meat tasted amazing. It was quite successful day...or night now.

Pain went trough me. I was changing again. But this time, with less pain. PUFF and I was just normal Kayla again. James, still as wolf dragged me away from pack, showing me way to home. We were running, but I felt like dying, no more free, my human body was exhausted while running. I came home. ''Good night, Kay,'' he said in my mind, looking me with his green eyes. ''Bye, James,'' I said silently.

My mum still didn't come home so I went into my bed and I almost fell asleep when I heard wolf howls. They were like sad song, I don't know how was that possible but I heard James's howl, long and heartbreaking. I wanted him so much.
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Sploh nočem vedet, kolk je napak notr Next?