Archive for the Monster Category

Brooke Hogan scares me. That’s why I was forced to post these pictures first today, even though I don’t have the rights to the pictures and I’m not allowed to post them because the paparazzi hate me….She is a fucking monster, like the girl I just saw eat 2 bagels with extra cheese but I know every single one of you, both girls and guys would totally bang this white trash can of a person, not so much becuase you think fucking someone who was on TV is a cool story, and not because you’re a Hulk Hogan fan and touching anything he’s touched makes you horny, but because you’re lonely and any human contact, even scary human contact is not just good enough for you….it’s what you dream about at night while you cuddle your pillow wishing it would cuddle you back…

Brooke Hogan is not just a joke, but she’s also a monster like her dad…and maybe that’s why he wants to fuck her…because he sees himself in her…and anyone that tanned and jacked up…probably loves themselves a lot…and wanting his daughter cuz she is the female version of him just makes sense…it’s masturbation….but to the rest of the world..she’s fucking scary…but not as scary as the era when she was on TV or when she was launching her music career…which was a serious fucking joke, so it’s nice to see her gutter ass back on the streets of Florida trashin’ it up like she was destined to do and if she’s lucky, she may get a segment on this season’s Jersey Shore…a serious match made in white trash heaven…

I used to jerk off to Kelly Ripa on the morning show. Then my TV broke. So I’d go to McDonald’s where they have free TVs and I’d watch her and I’d jerk off in the bathroom, but then I realized that it wasn’t Kelly Ripa that was turning me on, but the shape of my Egg McMuffin was and now I don’t jerk off to her at all. She’s old, has too many kids and looks like shit and here she is playing with balls, at least the only balls I really want to see her bony hand playing with, because she’s a fucking monster…

The good thing about Khloe Kardashian is that she knows she’s a fucking beast of a woman that no one has ever really jerked off to. That’s why she was the first to volunteer for the staged marriage with the guy she ended up marriying for her Kardashian show. You know, to feel what getting married is like because her whole life she knew there was no hope for her because she’s a fucking monster…..that’s why she hires hot pussy to walk around in a bikini on the beach with her to promote whatever bullshit she is promoting, because her in a bikini is not really something people run up to, but more something people run the fuck away from…..

Khloe Kardashian is a fucking pig and here she is stuffing her face…but then again when you are a a fucking beast of a person and she needs to fuel herself somehow and if it’s not with food…I have a feeling it’d be dangerous….you know if you starve this bitch out for a couple of hours we’re at risk of her grabbing anything near her, from people’s small dogs to their small children, so it’s probably best to keep her full, no matter how scary that may be to restaurants with an all you can eat ice cream bar.

This is the shit that inspires horror movies or at least Halloween costumes cuz it just doesn’t look human and scares the fuck out of me, but apparently it is human, but not the kind of human you’d want to see on the beach in a bikini or really see anywhere outside of her cage out of fear the thing will attack…Seriously, she is so scary, that like Moses, bitch can part the sea as even it knows it’s something it doesn’t want to fuck with, now I don’t know if that makes sense, but I do know that these pictures of Serena Williams don’t make sense, this is supposed to be an athlete, and by the look of her and her growth hormones that went totally wrong in terms of the way she looks, but I guess went terribly right in terms of winning matches against skinny blonde society girls who make up the tennis circuit and they put up against this shit and the worst thing in all this is that these pictures got me hard….

I love the fabric of the dress Monster Kardashian is wearing. I’ve been seeing it a lot on girls in bars, on the street and pretty much everywhere and it’s some kind of fake leather-lookin’ shit that for some reason gives girls hard nipples.

I don’t know what it is about this fabric that makes nipples hard, but it must be magic or at least created by some kind of pervert…..because even Monster Kardashian, a creature who must have a huge set of testicles, the fabric still fuck makes the motherfucker’s nipples hard.

And since I love nipples, this post is more to encourage more girls to wear this kind of shirt, like actual girls and not ones who look like they belong in gay porn, and not to celebrate Khloe Kardashian…I just want to make that clear…because there is nothing worth celebrating when it comes to Khloe Kardashian…except maybe when the someone shoots her when she tries to attack them at their campground or some shit…in a mount that paw and turn it into an end table kind of way…

Everytime I see pictures of Annalynne McCord with an open mouth, she reminds me of some kind of primate that is about to eat my babies, who I need to fight off to protect my family, but instead of throwing her feces at my face, she’s always trying to act sexy, whether it’s wearing a see thru shirt, or tight clothing, or slowly letting her jacket slip off her shoulder in what looks unintentional, but is actually totally contrived kind of way, like some fuckin’ striptease where you don’t get to see pussy, and the whole thing is causing an internal battle in my head, do I throw my babies at her to eat and pull out my dick and start jerking off, or do I run for my fucking life.

I don’t know if that makes sense, but what I am trying to say is that bitch is ugly, but her body is solid and I’d still fuck it, just with my eyes shut or her on all fours, so that I wouldn’t have to see that face, not that it is an option, but I pretend it is, cuz it helps me get through my pathetic days, as admitting that fucking Annalynne McCord is not an option cuz she is “too good” for me, is some real depressing shit that I prefer ignoring…because I know she’s ugly, bottom feeding trash her and her entourage don’t….

If you are wondering how girls who have taken an insane amount of loads on their faces age, it’s not really pleasant. But in defense of guys who like cumming on girl’s faces, the cumming on Jenna Jameson’s got nothing to do with her looking like a fucking monster. The psychological damage that lead her to getting guys to cum on her face for money on camera over the course of her career in porn is probably the reason she looks like a fucking monster. You know medicating with drugs, alcohol, plastic surgery, abusive relationships and all those good things that come with being a porn bitch….

Serena Williams confuses me because she’s equipped with these monster tits that if you were to see alone, you might get excited about, but unfortunately, they don’t come alone, they come with the rest of her really muscular and monsterous large body.

It’s like if you get with this, your sexuality is definitely as questionable no matter how hard you focus in on her tits bouncing, her gender is questionable cuz we don’t know if she was born with a vagina because her muscles tell us otherwise, and it seems like her dad just decided to sculpt a vagina out of her penis when she was a baby in their basement so that one day she’d be able to pay off the family mortgage when she reached the top of Women’s tennis because she was actually a dude….a sport her dad wanted to dominate because of bitterness that came with being poor black boy they didn’t let in the country club….

I don’t know who told Jordan that burying herself in make-up makes a bitch so, making her invest in a kiddie pool to fill the fuck up with self tanner and roll around in the shit liek she was an actual pig in fucking shit and not just a bitch you call a pig because of everything she represents in life, but I assume it was the same person who told her that getting ridiculous fake tits will make her worth jerking off to, despite looking like a total fucking freak straight out of a horror movie or comic book some closet case over compensating for his gay fantasies wrote….because as time goes on…I feel her testicles are slowly droppin’….cuz she just doesn’t look like a she as much as she may have before she vandalized herself like she an abandoned building in the seedy part of town that is used as a home for squatters and prostitutes….like the piece of lowlife trash her dirty pussy is….

There comes a point in every chronic masturbater’s life where porn just doesn’t work anymore. That’s when people turn to freakish shit, whether it is joining the boy scouts as a team leader to see little boys naked, or sitting on public transit all day waiting for the school girls to get out of class to expose themselves to them. Some guys go gay or bi to open up the possibilities in the bedroom, since their luck with girls never really counted as luck and was more disaster and figured dudes with AIDS would be less picky. Some guys explore trannies, while others do fat chicks and there’s really no science behind it. Just last week I was talking to a girl who masturbates to anime and another dude sent me a link to his sex doll shaped like an anime, and here is Latoya Jackson who hardly looks like an alien or cartoon, but I know at least one person out there would still fuck or at least jerk off to her fake tits.

On a side note, I have this theory that Michael Jackson was an alien, he did have a weird obsession with space and moons and moonwalking and he did end up lookin like some kind of monster who’s human disguise withered away so I guess it is only natural for his sister to age the same way. I also have a theory that Michael Jackson in collaboration with the middle east staged his own death to distract the public from the Iranian election, while solving his own problems like a tour he didn’t want to do, debt he couldn’t pay and selling more albums and movie tickets from generating a whole new level of interest in him, but who cares about what I think…just think about cumming on this Latoya face.

Here are some pictures of Serena Williams hanging out with a normal sized person and if you look closely you will realize that Serena Williams is a total fucking monster. That’s all I have to say about that….

I thought Mila Jovovich fell off the radar because she was heavily pregnant and probably had her kid and was raising the shit, I didn’t think she was off getting a sex change. I mean not that she looks that much like a man in these pictures, but she looks like she’s been in a held hostage in communist Russia for war crimes and they’ve re-programmed her to be some killing machine, like one of her stupid movies, but maybe she’s just not the hot model everyone loved in the 90s, and I guess that’s what happens when you get old and decide to start avoiding the sun, because you’re a mother now and skin cancer is irresponsible parenting…. I don’t know what i am talking about, but I know it must be good, and I’d totally be my friend, if I didn’t hate myself, especially after wriitng garbage like this post…..

I know some of you like big girls. You know the kind of woman who can lift your pussy body over their head and throw you on the bed to have their way with you…..I am not one of those people. The thought of what Brigitte Nielsen’s vagina looks like after seeing what the rest of her looks like scares me, it is the kind of shit Horror movie monsters are based on, and I don’t see how this could have ever been a sex icon, if anything the only thing that does makes sense is if Sly Stallone used to fuck her with his bicep back when they were married….because no penis touches these vagina walls and if they do she pins them in some submissive hold and chokes them the fuck out….