A Hot Mess Bloghttps://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com
A State of Embarrassing Confusion.Mon, 16 Oct 2017 22:08:56 +0000enhourly1http://wordpress.com/https://s2.wp.com/i/buttonw-com.pngA Hot Mess Bloghttps://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com
(Dis)engaged.https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/11/07/disengaged/
https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/11/07/disengaged/#respondSat, 07 Nov 2015 06:58:13 +0000http://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/?p=82Continue reading (Dis)engaged.]]>I’ve gotten to that age, where everyone around me is in a (seemingly) happy relationship. I have spent the whole day re-watching earlier seasons on Hell’s Kitchen. Priorities.

Don’t get me wrong, I would like to be in a relationship. Sure, who doesn’t want that validation that their lovable? And normally, I’m okay with being single: I do what I want, I go where I please and when I cook, there’s more food for me.

But every now and again, theres this feeling that creeps in. One of loneliness and worry. Am I unloveable? Usually I just prefer not to open that door and find something productive to do – to get my mind off that. However, this is not one of those times – hence the 2 am post on a Friday night.

My friend just got engaged. Yes, I’m happy, why wouldn’t I be? They are a loving couple and I’ve known them since the beginning. Besides, it’s not about me, it’s about them. Only, this is the 3rd engagement this year from my friends.

My first friend, was engaged this Summer. She knew it was happening and when it did, I was happy for her. Then a month later, another friend got engaged. She’s an awesome person, I’m definitely happy for her. Now this friend. Again, still happy, just…hmmm…what about me?!?!

Now granted, I don’t want to be engaged. I don’t know if I ever want to get married. But I want to be on the path heading somewhere along those lines. Hell, I’ll settle for a callback for a second date. I digress.

The fall season, the holidays…all times where people are snuggled up with their significant other doesn’t help either. I’ll resign to the fact that at least I know what a Beef Wellington is and there’s always alcohol this time of year – readily available.

]]>https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/11/07/disengaged/feed/0ahotmess1Gated In.https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/31/gated-in/
https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/31/gated-in/#respondSat, 31 Oct 2015 19:43:46 +0000http://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/?p=79Continue reading Gated In.]]>As I watched the construction people put up bars for my bedroom window (we’re doing renovations), I can’t help but to wonder if it is an analogy to how I am. Gated in.

Sure, we’re all a bit private at times and as of recent, it has become trendy to self identify as an introvert, but seriously, these “walls” that we’re so proud to build up, is it useful?

Yes, it prevents us from being hurt, a form of self-protection, but when we’re closed off from the world, who can help us? Support us?

I may not know all the answers, but I’ll leave you with this quote: “Don’t build up these walls where no one can see in and you can’t see out.”

]]>https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/31/gated-in/feed/0ahotmess1Tools for a successful relationship.https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/29/tools-for-a-successful-relationship/
https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/29/tools-for-a-successful-relationship/#respondThu, 29 Oct 2015 21:37:05 +0000http://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/?p=76Continue reading Tools for a successful relationship.]]>We live in a generation that idealizes love but we don’t know how to get it. Sure, we have Tinder, OK Cupid and a plethora of other online dating sites. We have Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc. And of course, the age old meet cute, Starbucks, supermarkets, bar, and the list goes on and on. But how do we achieve one of those relationship things the internet, our friends, society tells us about?

All over the internet, they are thousands, if not more, of articles telling how us how to get the guy/girl of our dreams. What men/women hate, how to be in a fulfilling relationships. There are Youtube advice videos, vlogs, ad nauseam. But there aren’t many on how to maintain and grow in relationships.

Sure you get the “how to keep the spark alive” and “how not to be boring with your spouse” but they talk about things that are superficial and well, a repetitive. Be honest, listen, communicate, don’t lie, be spontaneous, keeping things “spicy”. But how do these techniques really work out in the long run?

If I am “spicy”? Will that help me and my spouse have a conversation about shared finances?

If I am honest, how can that prepare me when meeting my partner’s parents for the first time?

These tools primarily focus on how to get a relationship and make it last until we both think “eh, I’m comfortable where I am.” It isn’t the necessary tools needed for let’s say, a life partner.

There should be more articles on having a conversation about marriages, whether or not children play a role, relocating, moving in, meeting the parents, career and relationships and the list goes on. In a long term relationship, many topics will arise with many conversations to be had. How can we master them to a successful relationship?

You got the relationship you’ve always wanted. Now what?

]]>https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/29/tools-for-a-successful-relationship/feed/034-great-tips-to-achieve-a-successful-longterm-relationship-400x252ahotmess1Why are you single?https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/28/why-are-you-single/
https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/28/why-are-you-single/#respondWed, 28 Oct 2015 22:43:36 +0000http://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/?p=73Continue reading Why are you single?]]>As of recent, I’ve been getting this question a lot. As mentioned before, I got out of a 8 year relationship about 2 years ago. I should’ve moved on – and in some ways I did: I focused on my career, my friends, my family, my cats. I didn’t feel ready to date – I needed time to digest what happened.

Now I know I have no excuse for this: I initiated the break up and told everyone who asked, I was okay. But some days I struggled and some days I feel fine. I wanted to be completely sure I was over it before even thinking about dating.

My friends have been amazing: supportive, kind, funny, caring, etc. I can’t complain. but I feel that anything you go through, only you know how you feel. Often times I felt like their intentions were good, but I preferred to be left alone.

After a while, I was back to being myself. Better even. I gain new appreciation as to who I was, my strengths, my weaknesses and concentrated on positivity.

But ever so often, I get the dreaded question: why are you single? And I’m baffled. I get thrown off. I’m a bumbling rambling idiot. “Uh, I…um..I don’t know”. Maybe I’m not thinking clearly: if I knew why I was single, wouldn’t I work towards coupledom? I don’t know why I’m not in a relationship. Ask them.

I know they have good intent and they usually couple it with, “you’re an amazing guy”. I know that too.

In the beginning, my response was “I just got out of a relationship.” Perfect. They nodded in understanding and we went back to our mindless conversations. Now, 2 years later, I have no idea. I’d like to say I am actively looking and dating but I haven’t. I don’t know how to start that – that seems like a lot of work: can’t I just be awesome and someone recognize that? Nope, doesn’t work that way.

So the follow up question is “why aren’t you dating, then?” I don’t know. Then I’d have to dig deep within myself and come up with some answer about how flawed I am to date and how many things are wrong with me – again, good intentions but I feel like roadkill.

I told myself I would date more but that hasn’t happened. I know my friends mean well, but I guess I can’t help this feeling of sadness when they ask it. At times, I just think, well what’s so good about being in a relationship? You have to be considerate of their “feelings” and such? I like my freedom and independence. Besides, jumping from one relationship into another is not a good pattern to get into. But of course they retort with “dating doesn’t necessarily mean relationship” and pause for my reaction as I gaze downward and say “yeah, I guess you’re right.”

I feel like as adults, you’ll be placed in these situations where you will be compared to what milestones you’re supposed to accomplish. Career, relationships, friends, engagements, wedding, baby shower – in no particular order. And you will be interrogated as to why you haven’t achieve these milestones yet. Is their something wrong with you? Tell us, then go to the corner while we stare, point and talk.

Of course that’s in my imagination but I do feel their pitying on me. It’s like a blanket – and I feel smothered.

I know this will be a conversation I will have until, I master this whole relationship thing and I get to be a judge on this crazy reality show of life.

But the one thing I remember is that for the most part, they want you to be happy. As one friend put it: “I want someone to love you the way you love people.” Dammit. That was good.

]]>https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/28/why-are-you-single/feed/06298974ahotmess110 Things New Teachers Should Know.https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/27/10-things-new-teachers-should-know/
https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/27/10-things-new-teachers-should-know/#respondTue, 27 Oct 2015 18:10:48 +0000http://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/?p=15Continue reading 10 Things New Teachers Should Know.]]>Although I have only been officially teaching for a month before I quit, it’s the end of the first marking period for most schools and I’ve made a list of 10 things all teachers should know (and no one ever tells them.)

10. Change is inevitable.

In addition to starting your new teaching position, there will be sudden and abrupt changes. Roll with the punches. Your class schedules may change, your subject content may change, your roster may change, hell, your room may change. School is starting again and you are just a piece of an ever changing puzzle. Just roll with the punches and truthfully, your first week of school will be classroom management. I highly doubt your administrators want you to teach content during that first week – or even 2 weeks. Plan for changes. Speaking of planning…

9. Planning is key.

Plan to fail, if you fail to plan.

.As educators, we all know this. it’s better to over plan than under plan. You don’t want finish your lesson 10 minutes early only to stand there watching your students go crazy because there’s nothing to do. They know if you under plan and they won’t let you get away with it. Adding to the fact that at any point, you may be observed and that won’t look good to your administrators. Try to plan for 2 days, therefore if you finish your lesson early, you can preview the next day’s lesson. Over plan your lesson with different small activities so you can trim some for time and still be on pace with your lessons. Always have a lesson plan ready to guide you or if your administrator requests a copy during an observation. Place time limits on every section of your lesson plan.

8. Steal with zeal.

Pinterest is your best friend.

It’s pretty intimidating to be the new teacher, older teachers and students may be quick to dismiss you and not take you seriously. You may feel like you have no idea what you’re doing. It’s always helpful to reach out for advice, questions and just to vent. It helps immensely. Share resources. Steal with zeal. All teachers were new at some point. find a teacher who is teaching your subject area and see if that teacher has any lesson plans or power points that you can pursue through and modify. Some teachers will let you use their lesson plans! Always seek out at least one teacher to befriend; they know what you’re going through and is probably flattered you reached out to them.

8. Don’t reinvent the wheel.

I truly mean it. It’s a phrase that you will hear over and over again. Similar to stealing with zeal, your first year is difficult as it is. There is no need to add more work if it’s unnecessary. See if the school has curricula they’ve been using, reach other to other teachers who has taught your subject area before. use their pacing guide, modify their lesson plans. Truth is, many teachers reuse their old lessons, they just modify it slightly every year. This applies to classroom management as well, see what procedures work best, what course outlines have been used, templates for parent letters, etc.

7. Don’t gossip – everybody talks.

Being a new teacher is like being a tourist in a unknown country. The natives will try and figure you out while selling you expensive souvenirs. Teachers will be helpful by telling you which of your colleagues to watch out for, but ultimately, it’s up to you to choose who to befriend. The school climate is like a political war zone; teachers are often at odds with other staff and they want you on their team. Thank them for their advice, but don’t say anything negative and don’t gossip – especially if it’s about the administration. Everything you say can and will be used against you. Use your professional judgement.

6. Students want to learn!

We ALL have that one student…

You don’t hear this often as many administrators, teachers and people may say classroom management is priority. It is. It is important to set guidelines on what you will or won’t accept and give students routines and consistency. But remember, students want to learn! They know why they’re in school, they know what’s expected of them and though at times, you will inevitably get the “why do we have to do this?” remarks, the fact of the matter is, they want to master concepts and excel in school. This is why we push various ways of teaching, in order to get them to master the content and standards, but also find various ways for them to access the materials. One time, a co-teacher of mine was giving a lecture on why school was important, etc., etc. and a student flat out said “can we learn already?” Albeit, it was rude of him, but it was heartwarming to hear that, from high school students (he wasn’t the only one to say it).

5. It’s not always going to be perfect.

I find most people in the teaching profession are perfectionists – myself included. We spend hours perfecting our lesson plans, down to the seconds sometimes. We become friends with google as we search endlessly for new techniques, new lessons, new activities and familiarize ourselves with the content. We create power points, worksheets, assessments, homework packets. We enter grades, make parent phone calls, grade papers, the work in never ending. But the most important part of our day is actually teaching: standing in front of the room and delivering content. It’s like a comedian doing stand up: find inspiration, write their jokes, research, edit and deliver the jokes during their set. But every day will not be perfect – which can cause us to self-criticize. It is important that we go easy on ourselves. Remember, the point of lesson planning is to ensure we deliver instruction in a timely manner. As long as the students grasp what you’re trying to teach them, it doesn’t matter if you didn’t the lesson didn’t go according to your lesson plan or that you get to complete your lesson in one day. Trim some activities or just adjust the next day’s plan to go over what you didn’t cover the previous day. As new teachers, mistakes are bound to happen and administrators and fellow teachers know that. Like we tell our students, as long as you put in effort and students are learning, that’s what counts.

It’s a teacher thing.

This applies to classroom management. Not every day will be perfect. A lot of educators will tell you, you can always tell when it’s a full moon by the students’ behaviors. Some days, your best class will be the worst or vice versa – especially after long holiday breaks. It happens, don’t be critical of that. If you have your classroom management tools in place, you should be fine. Remind students of their expectations and don’t be afraid to go over them once in awhile. Rules aren’t something you create at the beginning of the year and forget. It’s something you revisit after a bad day or after holiday breaks – when the students seemingly forget everything you’ve taught them. Review and keep going.

4. Find your groove.

As new teachers, everyone is quick to impart their wisdom. What to do, what not to do, how to do, when to do, etc. It can become overwhelming. For me, I’ve always taught the way I wanted to. After all, it is your class. The mindset one must have is “how will this benefit my students?” That is most important. Do what you want. See what works best for your students. As long as you follow your school’s pacing guide, templates, etc. You are free to teach your way.

For example, I recently gave a lesson where my students had to identify the difference between living and non living things. They had to sort out the characteristics and such. Instead of using individual worksheets, I put the continuum of living and non living things and had them go up one by one with a post-it of their objects and place it along the continuum. They also had to explain to the class why they choose to sort their object that way. This worked well as they got to do things hands on, they had support and confidence from their peers, I can assess their understanding on the spot and it saved me from having to individually grade each worksheet. Do whatever feels right to you.

3. Vent.

Teachers are perfectionists – and in that way, we are afraid to let anyone know were struggling or that we need help. Some times we just need to vent our frustrations. It’s important that you find a friend to confide in. Whether it be a fellow teacher at the school (choose wisely), or a friend or partner who doesn’t mind hearing you talk about your day. Corral a couple of teachers for happy hour Friday after work. Journaling is a useful tool as well. Journaling is a great way to keep track of your progress as a new teacher. Years from now, when you reread those journal entries, you’ll see the progress you made and the skills you’ve gained. Find an online support group for teachers: Facebook, Reddit are great resources. Outside of that, you can always work out those frustrations, cook, etc. Whatever puts your mind at ease. Something simple like a text during lunch or a walk around the block to get coffee, can help immensely. A healthy teacher, both physical and mental is a healthy classroom. Your tone, mood, etc. helps set the classroom culture. You feel burnt out? The students will definitely feel that too. Students pick up on things we aren’t aware of and we must strive to always put our best foot forward.

2. Prioritize.

As stated, we have a lot on our plate: personal life, romantic life, professional life. It’s hard to juggle everything we have to do with the limited hours we have, so make a point to prioritize. Make a to do list and rank your tasks on what is most important to do that day, that week, that month. Google calendars or any calendars which come with reminders work best. The night before, I go over in my head, how my lessons will go, and what materials will be needed. I look at my school schedule to see what periods I have prep in to prepare. I also read my lesson plans for the next 2 days so I know what copies I need to make to have on hand. Making copies the day of the class is a HUGE risk. Copy machines can be broken or something may come up where you don’t have time to prepare. Grading and other tasks can be left to another day. Remember, always make time for yourself. Don’t let teaching control your life.

Make time for you.

It’s important that you don’t get overwhelmed. Often teachers feel a lot of pressure to make sure their students achieve that they neglect themselves, their families, their friends. Actually, you need your friends and family the most. Make time for yourself, your friend, your family. grading can wait – go on a date night with your love one. Have a night out. Get some wine and make it a Netflix/Hulu night. Take time to decompress where you don’t feel like your job is strangling you. Trust me, little things like that help you renew your spirit and commitment to teaching. Take one night where you don’t take any work home or do any work at home. Finish your work at school and leave work at work.

Trust me, teaching is not for the faint of heart. With all the administrative tasks, planning and teaching that goes on, and salary not reflective of the work we do, it’s easy for us to fall into a rut and feel discouraged, but think of all the students we’re helping. You don’t go into teaching if you’re not in it for the students. Though it may seem like a thankless task, imagine one student (or more) who will forever remember you as their favorite teacher. That is the biggest reward.

Let me know how your experience has been, I’d love to hear from you!

]]>https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/27/10-things-new-teachers-should-know/feed/0keep_calm_teach_onahotmess1Image result for teaching lesson ecardsBy Any Comparison…https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/26/by-any-comparison/
https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/26/by-any-comparison/#respondMon, 26 Oct 2015 18:51:26 +0000http://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/?p=59Continue reading By Any Comparison…]]>This morning, as I went on my morning coffee run (I have a coffee maker but it’s for decorating purposes), I started noticing a thing I was doing. I was actively comparing myself, to other people – strangers in the street. “Look at him, off to work…or school.” “Will my coffee lady think it’s strange I’m getting coffee at 10 in the morning instead of being at work?” “What will become of me?”

What’s interesting is how natural, how effortless these thoughts came. Obviously, I have reason to be thinking theses things; I just quit my job and my 10 years in the education field does not translate to very many other things; but still, it was so easy to compare myself to someone else.

It’s been said, that we, as humans compare each other. We compare ourselves. It’s human nature. Like when we judge someone based on first impressions. There’s no solid explanation, just accepted theories. But if we are to be our own individual, with our own path and our own unique talents, experiences, etc; why do we feel the need to compare ourselves?

Maybe we’re used to our parents comparing us when we were younger. I can’t tell you how many times, my mother compared me to my peers or herself: I wasn’t smart enough, skinny enough, ambitious enough, essentially good enough. But I now know better, and while she doesn’t compare me as much, I also don’t take stock in her comparisons.

Nod intently and find a point on the wall. Now.

So why do I do it to myself? I panic when I think friends my age are married, have children, in a relationship, successful models, bankers, teachers, artists, social workers, and the only thing I’ve accomplished is rearranging my closet (new shelf!) and getting coffee – already made for me. I’ve been told and sometimes agree that everyone is on their own timetable – we are all successful in our own right and our time will come, yada, yada, yada. It’s the unconscious sizing up of people and comparing them that bothers me.

Emphasis on the plural form of cat.

I realize we do this primarily because we, as humans on earth, we want to have an impact. We want to make a difference. We want to be seen, heard and valued. However, we don’t have any tools that will tell us how to attain that. We don’t know how to get there. There is no WikiHow or DIYs on that (I Googled). So we compare ourselves in order to have a template to follow. Whether it be our parents at our age, or our peers. It can be a bad thing when we take it too seriously but I’ve resolved that I’ll just be more aware, draw inspiration when I can and not take it too seriously. Who knows, maybe someone’s comparing themselves to me. Good luck with that.

]]>https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/26/by-any-comparison/feed/0imagesahotmess1A Commitment To Non-Commitment.https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/18/a-commitment-to-non-commitment/
https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/18/a-commitment-to-non-commitment/#respondSun, 18 Oct 2015 17:01:39 +0000http://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/?p=23Continue reading A Commitment To Non-Commitment.]]>As a “Millennial”, there are certain assumptions about us. Like the previous generation, we are seen as lazy, spoiled, narcissists who are obsessed with technology and social media. The presence of social media has amplified these characteristics. I’m sure the generation before had the same labels placed upon them; it’s just a misunderstanding between two generations – one older and wiser and one younger and carefree.

I will say our generation, the generation of digital socialization, positivity, and independence; has forgotten how to love. Maybe it’s “the rules”, a 90’s guidebook on how to date and marry the “man of your dreams”. Maybe because our family values has grown accustomed to divorces and single parenthood. Perhaps we ourselves have become numb to cheating, bad relationships or the prospect of marriage seen from the media, culture, our friends and our family.

Case in point

I can’t count the number of memes or pictures of a sad girl or guy with white lettering across the picture saying: “If you don’t text me first, we won’t talk” or something of that nature. Maybe it’s the rebellious side of us. A big “f” you to the rules by our previous generation, but let’s look at this from a different angle: if you don’t text first and they don’t text at all, where does that leave you? Will you ever speak again? The suspense.

You see, we all have these expectations, these notions of what true love is. We think we know what we want and society tells us to be have a certain way to get the “person of our dreams”, but they don’t tell us how. Am I supposed to ask the person out first? Am I to play coy and go along with everything that person is saying? What if that person’s not funny?

So we deal with things the way we think it’s supposed to be. Our generation is independent: women’s equality, men’s equality, LGBTQA equality. Freedom to express our true selves, but don’t let the other person know you’re think of them. Keep a poker face. Don’t let them see you sweat. At the same time, we use hashtags like #RelationshipGoals. We claim to hate mind games but we end up resorting to them.

We’ve stopped calling people on the phone. We text instead. We Facebook message, we’ll Instagram. Instead of striking up a decent conversation, we “follow” them. We “like” their pictures and events. We retweet their posts. We do everything and anything but actually talk to them. In a generation considered more outgoing than most, we’re shy when it comes to those things.

I wished I was at this photoshoot. So avant garde.

The confusion leads us to create these mixed messages; we settle on keeping relationships casual so we won’t get invested; won’t end up being hurt. Truth is, it creates more confusion and someone will end up hurt. I am a believer that friends with benefits (love the movie), will end up with one person feeling something more and ending up crushed when the other person doesn’t feel the same.

So where do we go from here? Will that person ever text the other person? Will they meet at Starbucks and pour out their love to one another while a guy on his laptop live tweets the events? I don’t know the solution. Hell, I’m guilty of doing some of these things myself!

I don’t proclaim to be a love guru. I have been single for about 2 years now since my first and only serious relationship ended. I’m secretive, a bit introverted at times, I hate the thought of “mingling” and meeting new people and I have trust issues. With all that baggage, I still believe in true love. I believe in soul mates. I love romantic comedies and while I will outwardly say something is “too cheesy”, inside I relish the happiness from seeing a love couple.

Call me old fashioned, but I like for a person who likes me to tell me they like me. I hate the whole cat and mouse game; the tit for tat. It doesn’t matter who texts first. I like a person who is confident and assertive in who they want. A person who takes risks and while it may not work out long term, they have no regrets. I’d like to feel like I matter. Not someone’s safe choice, but someone’s only choice. In return, I promise to stop playing games. Because if they’re invested and believe in us, why shouldn’t I?

A good friend of mine said “you can’t expect things from people that you don’t expect from yourself. So maybe it’s time I stop playing these games. Maybe I text first. Maybe I take that risk. But first, I need to meet this person who will change that for me. for now, I’ll just use another Millennial hashtag: #ForeverAlone.

Do you have a tattoo? If so, what’s the story behind your ink? If you don’t have a tattoo, what might you consider getting emblazoned on you skin?

Another writing prompt while I figure out what I want to talk about on this blog and where to start. Of course I always welcome suggestions!

I currently have 5 tattoos. Each one symbolizes something to me and is a great topic of discussion when mingling with new people albeit, I’m pretty socially awkward and introverted at times. I’ll go down the list of tattoos I have chronologically and the story behind them.

Star Tattoos (2007)

These were my first tattoos I got back in 2007. I was 19 at the time and my older sister had just gotten her first tattoo earlier that week. We went to some tattoo shop in the West Village and within 30 minutes, I had 2 new tattoos. The reasoning behind these tattoos were two fold: first, I am a huge fan of R&B singer Aaliyah and knew she had a small star intertwined with the initial “A” for her name on her right wrist. My name didn’t start with an “A” but I still wanted to memorialize her in some way so I opted for stars. Secondly, it served as a reminder that the stars are within your reach – a great meaning. The tattoo artist had me by the window while he tattooed me and I’m not going to lie, it hurt. Of course I had a poker face on because random people would stop and peer in from outside but it came out great.

I was deathly afraid of showing my conservative asian parents so I kept it hidden for a while. Eventually, I gave up hiding it (seriously, long sleeve shirts in the Summer) and their first reaction was that I had “defiled” my body. My father’s main concern was the placement and how it may squander job opportunities.

That year, Rihanna also got star tattoos across her neck which lead to everyone getting star tattoos. Tattoo trends do exist (remember the barbed wires/tribal bands across the bicep?). I’ve met 2-3 people with the same tattoos as mine around the same area. So much for being original.

Dragon Tattoo (2010)

Long before the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, there was this guy with the Dragon Tattoo. Cliche, I know. It was unexpected and random. After work one day, I walked around with a fellow coworker. We were around my neighborhood when she decided to get a tattoo. Always up for something fun and interesting, I decided to get one too. Now here’s a coincedence: my tattoo artist had just finished tattooing my older sister that very same day!

When he checked my ID, he asked if I knew my sister had gotten one earlier that day. I replied no, and texted her to ask. My sister mentioned she did and left her ID there, at which point he brought out the ID and asked if I can return it to her. Small world.

When picking my dragon design, I wanted a tribal design because it was abstract to me. I know tribals are overrated but who cares? The reason why I chose a Dragon was because my name is Long and in Chinese and Vietnamese, it means Dragon. Remember that Disney Channel show American Dragon: Jake Long? Yeah, his last name actually meant something.

American Dragon: Jake Long

I decided to add wings to my Dragon because I wanted to mesh eastern style Dragons with western style Dragons. Eastern Dragons do not have wings. Western Dragons have wings however. So I asked the artist to add wings. It is on my upper right arm and when wearing short sleeves, the tail part is visible which leads to random people (mostly females) to pull up my sleeve for a better look.

Phoenix Tattoo (2015)

I got my Phoenix tattoo earlier this year. It was something that was long overdue. I had been wanting to get another tattoo for a while and i always wanted to get a phoenix because I liked what it symbolizes: rebirth and rising from the ashes. I had gotten out of a 8 year relationship with my ex the previous year and decided this was a great way to symbolize my rebirth in a sense. The added bonus is that in Chinese mythology, the Dragon and Phoenix represent Yin and Yang so it matched my Dragon tattoo. I got it on my upper left arm to match my upper right arm Dragon tattoo.

I actually went to a friend this time. The tattoo artist went to middle school with me and judging by her portfolio, she was very skilled. I told her what I wanted and how I wanted it to match my dragon tattoo and she did a great job. I’ll admit this tattoo hurt like hell and the process took about 2 hours, but I was happy with the result.

Ankh Tattoo (2015)

The latest tattoo I got was an Ankh tattoo on my right wrist. I got it about 2 months ago. It is an Egyptian symbol meaning “Eternal Life”. The meaning varies as it’s lost in translation, it can also mean “Life”. I always wanted to get the Ankh as I was obsessed with Egyptian culture when I was younger. An added bonus was knowing Aaliyah also had an Ankh tattoo as well.

I got it spontaneously at a tattoo shop near my house. The tattoo artist was from California in NYC for the weekend as a guest tattoo artist. Juice was his name and along with his friend, Mikey Montoya who’s brother Tommy Montoya is part of the reality show “NY Ink”. Juice was really nice, he sketched out the piece and we chatted a bit about various topics. It didn’t hurt at all and heal quite nicely for a wrist tattoo (wrists are notoriously hard to heal due to the creases we have from bending our hands).

I may get another tattoo soon, on my other wrist. I want the Eye of Horus on my left wrist. The “Eye of Horus” is also know as the all seeing eyeBy now you may have noticed a trend of me trying to keep my tattoos even: stars on both outer wrists, mystical creatures on both arms, now Egyptian symbols on both inner wrists.

Eye of Horus

So that’s the stories behind my tattoos. My parents may hate it, but each one holds a great meaning to who I am as a person. Leave in the comments below: what tattoos do you have? What’s the meaning(s) behind it? Or what tattoo would you get? I’d love to hear some ideas!

]]>https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/16/skin-ink/feed/051619_598796709978_4253880_oahotmess1Photo on 10-16-15 at 12.17 PM53171_598815831658_439785_o10993079_10100628087245468_2848236123491918358_n11949304_10100785178353628_9188439651491778013_n2000px-Eye_of_Horus_bw.svgSchool of the Future.https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/16/school-of-the-future/
https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/16/school-of-the-future/#commentsFri, 16 Oct 2015 05:40:29 +0000http://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/?p=24Continue reading School of the Future.]]>

In gathering ideas for my next blog post, I came across this WordPress writing prompt which is fitting given my recent departure from teaching. Why not build my dream school? Here’s the prompt:

THE NEW SCHOOL

YOU GET TO REDESIGN SCHOOL AS WE KNOW IT FROM THE GROUND UP. WILL YOU DO AWAY WITH READING, WRITING, OR ARITHMETIC? WHAT SKILLS AND KNOWLEDGE WILL YOUR FOCUS ON IMPARTING YOUNG MINDS?

10. Adequate Space.

Firstly, we must have adequate space. Too many schools I’ve been are pressed for space. The school I just left, were shared with 6 other small schools in the same building. What used to be a huge unified school now scrambles to ensure 3,000+ students get Gym, Cafeteria, Auditorium and Class space. It is a logistical nightmare. So my new school will have access to everything: Cafeteria, Gymnasium, Yard, Auditorium and of course, adequate classroom and storage space. You know the saying a cluttered room makes for a cluttered mind? Let’s do the opposite.

9. Smaller Class Sizes.

It seems to be every politician’s platform to advocate for smaller class sizes but the reality is, it doesn’t always happen. I’ve heard of classes with up to 37 students – some forced to sit on other students’ desks or stand. It’s unfortunate, but it’s the reality. Many factors can play a role: not enough students to justify two sections but more than enough for one, one teacher certified to teach that section but has other preps so cannot teach more preps, students may need other classes that interfere with scheduling, not enough rooms, etc., etc.

Of course, ideally we would find a workaround in this area, since we have adequate space, why not use more teachers and split the classes? Find a schedule that works for both teachers and students. Bottomline is that we’re here for the students and that should be our utmost priority.

7. Parental Involvement.

They say it takes a village to raise a child. This is particularly fitting in a school setting. We need parents to help out. If a student is unmotivated to complete homework and the parent is not pushing them, they are more likely to fall behind. We need to get parents invested in our schools, our students and our future. I propose bi weekly parent meetings with the stipulation that parents must attend 1 meeting per month in order for their child to be enrolled at the school. I know parents work so we’ll have some meetings in the evenings, some in the mornings and some on the weekends. teachers have the option to set up these meeting with the parents. Of course parental outreach by way of phone calls, texts and email will suffice for the parents who truly cannot be there.

That’s not all however, as a school in the community, we can offer adult educational resources as well. ESL classes for parents, college resources for parents thinking about furthering their education, cooking classes, movie nights, carnival day, computer literacy classes, GED classes, career fairs, social services, mobile medical trucks, the possibilities are endless.

6. Autonomy.

What I’ve noticed during my years of teaching, particularly with the adaptation of Common Core Standards, is that there is less room for teachers to create creative and meaningful lessons. Depending on the school, the curricula can be too rigid and unforgiving and most often, teaching to the test is what ends up happening, which does not help prepare our students for the future – just only for them to move up to the next grade.

Common core can be a great tool if used correctly. It should serve as a guide of what students should know and not what their expected to know. Every child learns at a different pace, in different ways. I would use Common Core Standards to help guide the lessons but would allow the teachers to create their own lessons – as long as it ensures students understand the content and can master it.

It can get tricky, but I believe that if a curriculum was also available, teachers can decide what they want to use as their lessons and be creative in designing how their lesson should flow. After all, they know the students well and they know how to engage the class. This gives them more creative control and more buy in. Too often teachers feel disillusioned by the rigidity of standards, testing and lesson plans forced upon them. Their role as a teacher becomes diminished.

5. Universal Design of Learning/ Performance Based Assessments.

Autonomy leads to Universal Design of Learning (UDL). It’s a much talked about approach to learning and lesson planning. In an ideal environment, UDL is a great way to ensure ALL students are afforded equal learning opportunities. Essentially, UDL is a way for teachers to be able to create lesson plans that provides access to all students in varying different levels. For example, a teacher may create a lesson that involves a small lecture for auditory learners, a quick hands on activity for tactile learners, have students create posters for visual learners and work in pairs for verbal learners – all on the same content/skill. This can be further elaborated by creating a more inquiry based approach where students ask questions and work together to find the answers.

The purpose of UDL is to engage and give voice to the students on why they are learning this content, how can they master the content and what the content means. it encourages students to have accountability for their learning and along the way gives them valuable skill they will need in the real world. For example, cooperative learning and project based learning can help them learn cooperation skills, patience, an attention to detail and provoke their curiosity and expand their mindset. I would like to see this in my school. A good rule of thumb for teachers would be 15 minutes of lecturing/giving instruction and the remainder of the period working on a task that is student driven. Let the students explore and teach themselves!

UDL can also be useful in assessments. Enough with the one size fits all assessments. Extended time for special needs students are not effective if they have trouble mastering the content. Instead, teachers can create their own assessments. It doesn’t have to always be formal, it doesn’t always have to be paper based. The purpose of the assessment is to determine whether the student understands the content and is able to apply it in multiple settings. This can be a project based assessment, a short quiz, an activity. The purpose of the assessment in my opinion is to provide feedback to the teachers on how to better serve their students. In order for it to determine whether or not a student gets promoted, I propose a school wide rubric to grade these assessments. Therefore, teachers know what the students need to achieve in order demonstrate learning, students know how they will be graded and it ensures fairness across the board.

4. Prep Time.

Being a teacher, we know time is precious. Seriously. On any given day, we must prepare our lessons, deliver our lessons, make phone calls home, participate in meetings, plan for new lessons, modify existing lessons, copy worksheets, create homework, organize folders, clean desks, grade papers, cover a class with an absent teacher, meet with administrators and that’s not taking into account that other things may pop up (fire drills, etc.). Somehow we’re supposed to have a union required, work free period for lunch. it rarely happens.

What worked in our school, was planning day. A day where we would all sit together by content area and work collaboratively to plan our lessons for the week. We taught only one class and the remainder of the time we worked on our lessons. I like the approach because it lessens the workload and anxiety immensely. Work can be left a work and there’s less of a chance of teacher burnout. I would incorporate that in the school climate. If not, then, mandating a policy of a period or two of no distractions, only prepping. If our lesson plans is to be unique and engaging, we must devote time to ensure we can make it happen.

3. Student Electives/Vocation classes.

So far, not much focus on this list has involved the students. Students are integral to the work we do. Everything stated on this list, revolves around students, why not involve them? I would create elective classes. Classes that are centered around skill and not necessarily content. In order to prepare the students for the demands of college of any job if they choose not to go to college, they must be equipped with cognitive skills that will help them succeed and adapt to the ever changing climate of the real world.

Students have interests. The recent trends have geared education away from vocational classes to a more academic based model. This limits our students’ chances to succeed if they choose not to go to college. I used to be a staunch advocate that college is key, but the reality is, many students do not feel that college is right for them. Particularly special needs students, who’s IEP diploma is not accepted in any colleges. how can they function in society if they’ve been told college is the right way to go, but no college will accept them?

Vocational classes and student choice electives can help remedy this. Create classes based on students’ interests. We need more art, more dance, cheer, karate, yoga, language classes in our schools but unfortunately with the testing climate our educational system in currently in, the classes offered instead are credit recovery and test prep. We need more classes like culinary arts, automotive, home economics, accounting, technicians, computer science, coding, video editing, etc. Jobs are looking for people experienced in those areas!!! This can further along their educational experience by applying what they learned in other classes to these classes, can spark interest in students who may decide to further their interest by way of college or a job. provide internship, mentorship opportunities. I am a HUGE believer in holistic learning and this can greatly reduce behavioral problems and build better collaborative relationships among students.

2. Holistic Supports.

This leads to my next point: holistic learning. many students are growing up at a disadvantage. Living in low socio-economic areas, with rampant gang and drug activities. Some are homeless, some are in foster care and some have serious family issues that create these obstacles they are expected to push aside in the interest of learning. Truth be told, a hungry child will not learn. A sleepy child will not learn. A child who’s parent may be on drugs and has become the primary care taker for their siblings will not learn. They can try and they want to, but it is not their utmost priority.

Providing supports for students in important. School counselors, therapists and deans have a responsibility to check on these students. Becomes a person they can trust, rely on and consistently care for them. Gather support from the community, food drives, fund raisers, etc. I’ve seen schools where students truly look out for one another and care for each other’s well being. I’ve seen them aim for the stars and band together to let other students know they matter. All this – in a urban inner school. It is possible. We as educators have to continue to support them. Not only will this reduce bullying and behavioral concerns, it builds a true community where everyone is looking out for one another and everyone matters. I’m not being delusional with this vision, of course not everything is perfect, but when you see a group of students surround a student being bullied and one student explaining to the bully how their actions caused the student to feel upset. Yeah, that happened and it reaffirms my belief that supportive school environments are possible.

Content.

The number one thing that must change is our approach to content. We have a rigid approach when it comes to what the students should know and how they should learn it. Students are being thrown a huge amount of information in every class with the expectation that they will retain it. It’s time we move away from outdated approaches and find new ways of delivering our content.

I would not force students to read every “classic” book ever written. While there are some I enjoyed, most of them are forgotten. Instead they are allowed to read whatever book they so please as long as it is appropriate for their grade level. They will also be provided with a list of “classics” but will have the option of reading a few instead of all of it.

Instead of book reports, they have an option of creating a new book cover with elements from the story; creating an alternate ending, create a short film, a slide show, the opportunities for them to prove they understood the book are endless.

In writing, it should be set up like speech class, they learn how to write an informative essay, a persuasive essay, comparison essay, memoir, etc. They learn to draft their essays, pick their topics, and present it in a form of a speech to building on their communication skills.

I’ve pretty much detailed everything I would put in my new school. It’s an exhaustive list but who said teaching was easy, let alone creating your own school? Leave in the comments below, what you would create in your new school and/or if you agree/disagree with the list.

]]>https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/16/school-of-the-future/feed/3downloadahotmess1I Quit.https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/10/i-quit/
https://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/10/i-quit/#commentsSat, 10 Oct 2015 16:24:17 +0000http://ahotmessblog.wordpress.com/?p=17Continue reading I Quit.]]>A couple of years ago, I was working at a non profit education program during the Summer. It was my third year at the company and I was working at a school in Harlem. I had about 20 rising Kindergarteners and usual of kids that age, they were very energetic.

One student in particular, (I’ll never forget her) was prone to these tantrums whenever she didn’t get her way. Her mother told me she had the mental capacity of a 3-4 year old. She was sweet when she was calm and unpredictable when she was not. She’d scream, run out of the classroom and her favorite saying was “I quit.” Seriously. She quit math. She quit lining up. She quit art. I often quote her in response to situations where I am left speechless.

In all seriousness I really did quit. I resigned from my teaching post this past Wednesday. Another statistic of new teacher turnovers. I lasted one month.

What will I do with my multi-colored sticky notes?

As mentioned before, I have tremendous experience in teaching. Ten years. Teaching should be a piece of cake. But the anxiety was taking a toll on me. I couldn’t imagine functioning with 0-2 hours of sleep. It wasn’t productive nor was it healthy.

My administrators were supportive albeit shocked and annoyed as I resigned effective immediately. That move will cost me a red flag in my file and being barred from working for the NYC Department of Education.

But I’m happier. I can breathe again. I still get bouts of anxiety thinking about my next move but overall a weight has been lifted.

I hate that I am a quitter. I worked so hard to get to where I am and to throw it away is foolish. But i look at it from a different perspective. I know I am a capable teacher. I am proud of all the accomplishments I’ve made and I’ve come to realize that just because you achieve your goals, it may not be something you necessarily want.

A lot of support has been given to me from my family and friends and some are envious of the notion of just quitting your job, but truthfully as with anything unknown, I’m quite scared.

If there is one lesson to take out of this, it is that while the future is unknown and a bit scary, I have achieved a lot and will achieve more.

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