Wow, this is amazing. The surrealism in the way you write is breathtaking. This just made my head spin around and around (in a good way XD). And the way you keep changing the points of view, and the characterization... Oh God. That last part was awesome too. In the first chapter I found two or three gramatical errors but nothing that'd destroy the story, I think I didnt even notice them the first time. XD

*Laughs* You know those stories where some people just don't "get it"? This is definitely one of those.

Sorry, I read your other reader's reviews before writing mine...but I wanted to say that you have the most engaging, incredible Surrealist style of writing I've ever seen in fanfiction. There's being a creative writer, and then there's being an avant-garde writer. That would be you. You don't just push the literal content, you go as far as experimenting with visual effects, which are frankly amazing.

In addition to your unconventional various POV's and implications of breaking the fourth wall, the "negative space" of your fic gives it this sense of hesitation that doesn't seem to even know its own purpose, paralell with the ladies over their charges. And Deathnote seriously needed a little abstractism after being twelve volumes of dense plot outlines. (I don't know if it was intentional, but the contrast is quite amusing!)

I am utterly awed by the way you freely push the limits of fanfiction. And I loved your characterizations. I was really disappointed when I saw you hadn't written fics for other series I like...but I saw in your profile that you're into many of the same fandoms as me. I'm really hoping to see more work from you on those later!

Me likey :D Though there were some formatting issues, I like the way you wrote it. The sentences between parenthesis were nice - I don't remember seeing something like this before, and that got my attention (because many stories here at ffnet look the same to me, people have no creativity really).

This is... interesting. I like how it was written, cool format, and a nice story. The only thing that bugged me was that I haven't seen Mello smoke once in the entire series. Matt's more of the chronic, underaged smoker, and Mello's just a prime target for juvenile diabetes. XD. But cool fic otherwise.