Monday, July 25, 2011

Okay, I haven't been blogging recently. I guess I really don't have any excuse except forgetfulness, sleepyness, and lazyness. Sheesh, I'm a senior this up and coming semester, haven't you ever heard of Senioritus??? Ugh! I just depressed myself right when I started talking about school. I don't really understand why I'm so extremely reluctant to start school again. Maybe it's because this is my last year of high school and deep down I don't really want school to end because I will miss all of my wonderful classmates...?...Nah!I mean, Christ! WTF? A good 1/3 of the student body at my school I've known since I was freaken five and the rest has known me since 7th grade... No. I would not miss those people.Could it be because I detest my school's student body soooooooooooooo much that not even a whole summer of solitude from everybody while I stayed in my bed and slept the whole summer away trying to forget the whole world existed? But somehow junior year was so detestable that not even the whole summer could re-establish my good mood? Probably.Could it be that once school starts again I'm going to have to take my SATs/ACTs as well as begin to apply to colleges?That's partially it.I'm scared about my math portion of the SAT and ACT. I know that I can take more than one of each but still what if I don't do good on my math in any of them? I gotta tell you I don't exactly test well. And college. Jeez! I'm so indesisive and what if none of the colleges accept me? Yes, I'm scared.Is it because this is the last year you have with He Who Walked Away? And that is the other half that is getting me.I'm probably never going to see him again if I pursue my dreams of leaving my "home" and going toan out of state college as well as joining the peace corps afterwards and then living out of the country in places like Amsterdam, Seoul, and Tokyo. Once this upcoming school year comes to an end I will never see him again and will ultimatly put into practice the whole "I love you but I'll learn to live without you" theory. And I am not looking forward to it. NOT ONE FREAKING BIT.I spent my fourth of July weekend in Chicago with relatives, got a cute blouse from Urban Outfitters --a store I don't have back where I live--, and hailed a taxie for the first time. Oh and the pizza was de-lish!!!! All weekend I was nagging my parents that we should really check out any pizzerias for some real Chicago style pizza and seriously once we did it was like heaven in your mouth and my whole family was like in love besides my mother who only ate a salad and never ate any of the pizza thus never tasted the orgasmic bliss of the Chicago Pizza Pie. My Mother: Was it really that good?Everyone: Yes!Besides that one weekend I haven't done so much. I tried applying for a job but considering I still don't have my license and can't drive my car without one or anyone that it 21 or older --not to forget my parents refuse to drive a long way to take me to work and will only let me work in our town limits and not the city across the river of our town-- it's not so surprising to say that that whole issue leaves me jobless for the time being. This town I live in is too small and no one is hiring. Speaking of licenses: Yes, I still don't have one yet. I know... HA HA HA. Laugh all you want because really my whole life should be a tv show --I even think my two best friends still hang out with me because I am just soooooooooooooo entertaining to them. Really, was it all that surprising? Seriously? I have natural bad luck and have previously in this rant/blog that I just do not test well. My mother says I might just suffer a bit with anxiety.My Mother: Maybe I could get the doctor to prescribe something...Me: Oh, yeah. That's it! Drug up your kid so they can act normal. That's the way to go.Maybe I could pass my driving test. Who knows.I've already taken my driver's test twice at two different DMVs and I now know why I didn't pass them: My turns sucked and I get really nervous. Well I have practiced my turns and have finally found the right way to turn for me and as for the nervous thing...I've decided... to bring along my Teddy that I have had since I was 3 years old as a comfort/moral support for me. I know I'm freaking weird but give me a break and I'm desperate for anything that could help in any way to make me less nervous. So Teddy will be in the back seat of my car while I take my driving test and if the instructor asks about it then I will probably tell the truth. Teddy has always been there when I needed comfort and its like everytime I hold her when I'm sad or scared or anything the emotion leaves my heart and I feel better. Maybe having Teddy in the car with me I can feel less nervous.It could work. It's all in the mind. I guess we'll just have to see and soon because tomorrow I'm going to take my diver's test for the third time, second this year because the first time was last year before my 18th birthday.And as a reminder, there are a lot of people who don't have their liciense some are even in their twenties and don't have them. Russle Brand doesn't have one but is said to be learning so his wife Katy Perry doesn't have to drive him. Ruper Grint a.k.a Harry Potter didn't know either and has just learned. Robert Pattinson admits he still has trouble driving and is actually scared to drive although knows how to drive. Even Lady Gaga only has her permit! And there are even whole cities that a good portion of their people don't know how to drive (New York City, Tokyo). So there.But all in all I know I am ready to get my liciense and just hope my nerves don't get the best of me or I am going to be pissed if I can't drive to school on the first day. And I'm not pleasent when I'm pissed.I am not SPONGEBOB! I will get my lisience!Me: Do you think I'm past my driving test on Tuesday?My Mother: You can do anything you put your mind on.Me: (I narrow my eyes of the woman) I can't wait until I have kids so I can annoy them with that very phrase.Anyway, every night it seems I can't stop imagining my first day of school and driving there in my little Bug as I listen to Britney Spear's "I Wanna Go." And a girl can dream, it's just up to me to bring it to life.And on to other trivalites. I haven't eaten chocolate since the last week of school and won't be until the first day of school this year which is the only thing I'm pretty much joful about the impending day. I made historian in my DFY club (Drug Free Youth) and currently decorating the scrapbook with pictures of last year's events and will be taking up my duty as a head member of the club and will help run the hundreds of kids in my club.I've been drinking a lot of water, oatmeal, and apples to speed up my metabolism. Plus, I hike ten miles each weekend and either go on the tredmill or dance most of the week. I don't have a anything to keep track of my wieght but i have been measuring myself 9(bust, waist, love handles, butt, thighs, arms, calves) and have seen changes as well as tried on my tight jeans and they're now loose. So yeah, I'm happy about that. Over the weekends of my hikes my mother and I have had quite the little adventures involving me almost cussing out a woman and her horse for always cutting the leaves on the trail and leaving debrie behind thus almost causing me to trip and fall --and I swear if I see her again I am not going to be so nice. As well as running into a snake, running away from said snake and then having to go back and coach my mother who was rather struck frozen from the sight of the snake and almost getting attacked from a freaking BEAVER!My Mother: Oh, (insert my name here)! Look!Me: What! Look at what?My Mother: Over there! What are you blind.Me: (I kind of was blind I had recently started to wear glasses earlier this year and tend to not wear them when I hike in case they break somehow --like if I fall... which I do quite a lot because I'm like Bella Swan up in the wilderness. So I focus my eyes on where her finger is pointing at and there it is. The beaver almost seems like a statue people put on their lawns to make their houses tacky. It didn't move it just stared at us.) Cool! What is it?My Mother: What do you mean what is it? It's a beaver!Me: I've never seen one. I thought it looked kind of like a mutant squiral/bunny. (I start walking towards it.)My Mother: What are you crazy! Don't get near it!Me: Look at it! It's so small, what's it going to do? Attack me?My Mother: Your dad said their really mean!Me: But it's so cute!(She calls my name and gets behind me, grabbing my arm and stearing me away. I shrug her off and take a step closer. And then it's turns to look at us and makes a fast move, like it's going to pounce on us.)Both of us: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(We both jump back, and once we scream the beaver runs off in the opposite direction in response to our screams.Me: (As I watch the beaver run his butt away) Was that little thing...?My Mother: I told you they were mean!Me: But we're so much bigger! What did it think it was going to do to us?My Mother: That beaver has balls.(I silently agree with her.)My life should be on TV.

Friday, February 18, 2011

With a pair of shoes.Wait! Not just a pair of shoes, Sperry Top-Siders that are black with clear sequins and purple silk inside...It was freaken love at first sight.I mean seriously it was like I was falling in love with someone, which is freaky because this is a shoe not a human being that can love me back. Although I could have sworn that at one point in my entranced state I started hearing the Sperry calling my name.IDK for all I knew it could have been my mother who was whining in the background because she was tired and, of course, naturally bitchy.Of course.My mother referred the shoe as a "Michael Jackson" shoe. I was like "Uh, hello? Didn't everyone copy his style, even now." At first I admit I was a bit wary, when isn't anybody when they're in love? And casually asked the shoe salesmen for a pair in my size only to later found out they had no more in that size but to look around because they had a lot of other shoes. I was like, "Thanks." but surprisingly I was incredibly hostile, the now continuous burning in my chest when in the presence, thinking, or talking about this shoe gave me then lit... What I really wanted to tell the douche was, "Fuck you!" I was dishearten but I still managed to drag my mother to Dillard's from Journey's and there I saw them again.And here is another one of my reenactments by yours truly (note: I embellished a bit, if you don't like it, suck it)Scene:Mother: I don't know why you're so hell bent in searching for these ugly shoes, your don't even have enough money right not (Christmas money my godparents and my own general savings, I told you I would help you buy them but you'll have to wait until my next paycheck. You can wait a few days. If you see them here and they have your size it's only going to hurt you even more when you have to leave them here.Me: I know, but I need to just see if Dillard's has them in the first place (secretly I just wanted to put them on my feet, see if the connection rang true... kind of like a kiss). I should warn you this is going to get weird.My mother entered the shoe area filled with many designer brands like, Uggs, Coach... that's all I can think of on the top of my head. And them I saw them.Here plays the song "Reunited" by Peaches & Herb:Me: (Like Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City) Hello, lover!Black Sperry Top-Sider: (says my name), I am so glad to see you again...Me: Me, too! I thought I might not see you again (I blush shyly). I mean I hoped but apparently I wasn't the only one... (a hint of jealousy paints my voice)Sperry Top-Sider: Shhh... No more words, my love, please just take me!Me: Right here? Right now? I don't even have my size yet. I'm not that kind of girl that just takes a shoe from the display rack and puts it on my feet in front of everyone!Sperry Top-Sider: Hurry than (it begs)! Before I'm all gone. I hurry to the salesmen and ask for my size and soon I have them in my hands and hardly a second later they're on my feet.I feel on cloud nine, I see fireworks, almost a rush to my head!And then I choke up a bit.Sperry Top-Sider: My love, what is wrong? Do you not feel right with me? We fit perfectly, don't we?Me: Yes, we do. You're perfect. We're perfect. Together we are one... but not right now. my mother was right, I should have never came, now I have to leave you here where anybody can just take you away from here! I don't want to let you go!Sperry Top-Sider: My love do not cry (it says soothingly). This might not have been the right time but we have met, you should be happy, I know I am. We will meet again. If it is meant to be we will be together one day.Me: I hope so. I won't be able to rest until you are on my feet again. I promise, my love (I tell it earnestly).Sperry Top-Sider: Please don't forget me, (says my name).Me: Never!I give them back to the shoe salesman and tearfully flee out of the store, my mother rolling her eyes as she follows behind me.I wait a few days for my mother to get her next paycheck only for a monster storm that consumes the whole Midwest arrives and delays my leaving the house whatsoever. Yet when I finally do come back to Dillard's there they are again, waiting.Sperry Top-Sider: Oh, my love... you have finally come back for me.Me: Just like I promised! I would have been her sooner but there was this terrible snow storm-Sperry Top-Sider: Yes... Me: What's wrong? You're distant. Sperry Top-Sider: I am so sorry, my love. (pick up the Sperry's and head for the salesman) I had no choice! Please believe me!Salesman: Oooo, sorry. That's our last pair. I look at the size, they're 6.5Here plays "Grenade" by Bruno Mars.Sperry Top-Sider: I had no choice...Me: I don't blame you, my love. Those Cretans (I says murderously)! I swear to you Sperry I will not rest until I find you again in my size and you are mine! I swear it!And here I am now, a week later with still no Sperry's, they're all sold out for now though Macy's should have a new shipment soon... And there was my story, a story about two lovers, separated indefinitely.

About Me

First of all I love to write.
Poetry is not dead. It's alive and it lives inside of me. I have been wanting to become a writer since i was in 6th grade. My life is complicated and if you saw me, you would never guess what kind of person i really was. I seem to baffle everyone once they get to know me. And even then they could never find the right words to describe me. I'm a puzzling soul... and i like it that way.