November 03, 2017

Popcorn, Tears and Hope: One More Shot, a film about making modern families

Sooooo...

Our documentary, One More Shot, comes out tomorrow on iTunes, Amazon, and Vimeo for those not in the US. Noah and I are really happy that it's leaving our computers and entering the world, but I have these moments where I feel like who F cares. We barely wanted to live our lives for the years we were going through all this, so who would want to watch it?

That's my self-conscious side talking.

The honest truth is when we were going through the dark infertility years, we would have definitely wanted to watch something like this. Real people sharing what infertility really looks like from the inside out. A real couple under the pressure and stress of trying to figure out how to make/have/get/find a baby when nothing seemed to be working. It. Is. Ugly. At times. Because we didn't wear make-up (Noah really could have used a little touch-up under the eyes in some scenes ;) and we didn't edit out the ugly. Hormone injections made my skin terrible. Fear and heartbreak made my attitude grim at times. And we caught that on film and we found the coherent narrative that allowed us to tell our story, which really is the story of millions of people around the world. I think when we were at our darkest points I would have wanted to see this film, because it would have helped me feel less isolated and alone, perhaps less crazy or joined in my crazy. It would have helped me see that I could reframe my ideas and expectations of the family we would have. It would have reminded me that there is always always hope.

I would have also wanted to share this film with my family and friends who just didn't get it. Some family and friends did get it, that was helpful. But some didn't. It's hard to put into words what living on IF Island feels like. So we tried our best to show it. The excitement when things go well, the dive into despair when it feels like all is lost, the way your whole life gets handcuffed to your ovaries and you feel trapped and scared and excited for the possibilities all at the same time. And you cycle through these feelings at warped speed every month until you have that constant headache behind your eyes that comes from Googling insane fears into the wee hours of the morning while resenting your spouse for being able to sleep. I would have wanted everyone in my life who wanted to understand what we were going through to see this film, because then a real conversation about infertility could take place in a connected and open way.

And I really would have wanted the general public to see this film so that any stigma associated with infertility could just dissipate. I just wish people going through this could feel nothing but pride in surviving the emotional roller coaster and that society in general wouldn't see infertility treatments as some kind of elective procedure or something that only impacts women over 40 who "waited too long." Not the case. Infertility is a disease that affects a lot of people, and many of those people have to think outside the box when building their family. And it's important that all of this is seen as incredible determination on the part of those pursuing alternative family building options, as well as normal in terms of how children can be created. Having donors or surrogates or birth mothers, being conceived in a lab-- whatever the origin story is, let's understand it for the miracle and gift that all of this is. Please.

So when I feel embarrassed about my skin or those scenes where I opt out of wearing pants-- ugh, Maya WHHHYYYY??? I remember our goal with this film. To decrease isolation and shame. To erase stigma. To educate and start an honest dialogue about infertility. To normalize alternative family building. To make people laugh and cry and connect and ultimately to instill a sense of hope.

That's what we hope to do. Tomorrow night you can let us know if we did.

Please watch the film if any of these things speak to you. Share the film as you see fit. Add a comment on iTunes if you have thoughts/feelings/opinions that could help inform others. And know that in the ugliest times in each of our lives there is the possibility for beauty and growth and hope.

Thanks to everyone for all the love and support along the way. We know this film has been a long time coming and Noah and I hope we are doing right by you.

Comments

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Maya, I have been reading your blog for many years and following along on your journey while going through my own journey to my beautiful son. I wanted to thank you and Noah for telling your story. I have finally been able to watch the movie and you have done a fantastic job. I hope many more people will get to watch it and that it will open their eyes.
Thank you again for giving a voice to all of us.

What a great film! We totally relate to you after our long fertility ordeal. The IF community should feel lucky to have someone like you and Noah, who can document this incredible lonely and difficult journey with such charm. Best luck for the FET.

Hi Maya ~ it's been a few years such I checked in on your blog (I have you book marked on my phone!). I found your blog about 3 years ago while on bedrest after a transfer. I think we ended up having pregnancies around the same time, as that transfer ended up being my sweet, almost 3 year old, boy. And now here I am again, FET yesterday hoping to complete our family with a second child. There's a lot in between those two events, but it would take some time to write... I'm so thrilled to see that you've published your documentary. I've taken the day off of work (see, this is our absolute last shot at this, so I'm doing what I can) and I think I'll make some coffee (decaf of course) and take a look at your show. Thanks for being there for me, and keeping me company during this journey.

Thank you for making this film. Though our stories are different, in so many ways I feel like you told our story of infertility. I pretty much cried start to finish. You are very brave to put yourselves out there. Thank you from all of us who have struggled, are struggling, and will struggle to make their family.

Hi Maya, I’ve been following your blog for many years and commented just a couple of times. I found the blog while researching unexplained infertility but luckily things worked out for us very quickly and we’ve had 2 kids since I first started reading your blog. I’ve just watched the film and loved it. And although our journey was super straight forward lots of things in the film really resonated with me. I cried a few times and really enjoyed the narrative and how neat the film is Congratulations to you, Noah and the rest of the team.

You already helped me so much with your blog. You got off the island a couple of years before we did (knock wood -- 20 weeks pregnant now), but I read the whole journey while we were deep in the thick of it, and I felt such kinship with everything you were going through.

We, too, opted for an embryo not genetically related to either of us as our finally successful gambit. And we couldn't be more excited to meet this little guy (who's fluttering around in my abdomen as we speak). I hadn't really heard of embryo donation / donor embryos before reading your blog, and I feel like it helped steer us in our right direction.

So thank you for that, and thank you for this film, which I look forward to watching, though I'm sure it will bring back plenty of horrendous memories. But it wasn't *all* dark, after all, and there's a bright light ahead of us now, and I hope everyone in the world will see this film to at least begin to understand what we really go through.

I have been reading your blog for years and eagerly awaiting the release of your documentary. I only just started watching but wanted to say I love it so far - I'm laughing, crying and feeling all the feelings right there along with you. Thank you so much for this honest look inside your lives and journey!