Quoting Quiverfull: It Comes Down to “Cool” and “Uncool”?

Teenagers raised in Christian homes in this culture face a difficult dilemma. Mom and Dad have one view of how to live; the world around them has another. It is vital that parents recognize the significance of this battle.

For example, Mom’s and Dad’s idea of what is cool might be something like this: believing and loving the Bible, being a virgin, using clean and respectful speech, dress that protects rather than exposes, refraining from buzz drinking and recreational drugs, openly honoring one’s parents. Now put yourself in the place of your teenager. Often, in their world, what I have just described is the profile of a social outcast. It is important to understand the price teenagers will pay if they buy into what you think is cool.

Elected leaders, school systems, colleges, entertainment producers, media, and many peers all promote a very different version of cool from what is listed above. Parents, if you want your children to buy into something different than what the world is selling, you need credibility in your relationship with God and with your teenagers. You have to be committed to God above all else. Your children need to know this. They also need to know that you are committed to them, even when they disagree with your decisions. You can help by having a clear, realistic view of the temptations they face.

Comments open below

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

Isn’t one of the hallmarks of being a teenager thinking that your parents are uncool, regardless of what they do?

Rachel Heston-Davis

I feel that “cool” vs. “uncool” is a really simplistic and unhelpful way to frame the conversation. There are many parents (inside and outside Christianity) who struggle with their children over issues like alcohol and drug abuse. Often, the reason the children are involved in dangerous or destructive behaviors boils down to emotional issues and unmet needs, and not just a desire to appear “cool” to their friends.

I do agree, though, that if a parent hopes for their child to share their passion for the faith, that parent had better be real in their faith themselves.

Rachel Heston-Davis

Also, I should add, I had a great relationship with my Christian parents. My personal decision to share in their values actually had nothing to do with me perceiving them as “cool.” I had my own brand of personhood and self, what I considered “cool,” and I was very different from them. Having the same values as they did was based on observing their lives, their integrity, and observing the result of the way they had chosen to live. Not on any perception of how awesome their personal style was or wasn’t.

persephone

Teens who are comfortable in themselves are less likely to get involved in destructive behavior. These Christians raise children who are not comfortable in themselves, who are full of doubt and worry, who are set up to fail.

Stephanie

Serious question: What the heck is “buzz drinking”?

Em

Or you really take to heart the lessons about ignoring what society values, then you open your mind even more and begin to ignore the things that fundamentalism values. Over time you will build up callouses to the guilt trips, and attempts at control by both ends of the spectrum, and in short become a fundy’s worst nightmare: someone who thinks for themselves. It’s sort of like a vaccination, which makes it doubly bad because vaccines are of the devil.

Madame

Very well said, Persephone.

persephone

Drinking enough to get buzzed, drunk but still mostly functioning.

roddma

It doesn’t take a religion to avoid the ‘ways of the world’. I find also the more you tell someone not to do something in a preachy way they still do it. For example instead of using the Bible to condemn alcohol talk about the dangers from a secular view point. You don’t need a religious reason to stay away from bad behavior. People brag about the Duggar kids not doing such and such. However they are closely watched and I really can’t give the parents credit until the kids fly by themselves.

Vyckie Garrison started No Longer Quivering to tell the story of her “escape” from the Quiverfull movement.

Over time, NLQ has developed into a valuable resource of information regarding the deceptions and dangers of the Quiverfull philosophy and lifestyle. Several more former QF adherents are now contributing their stories to NLQ and our collective voice makes these Quiverfull warnings impossible to dismiss or ignore.

NLQ is a gathering place for women escaping and recovering from spiritual abuse.

Subscribe by email to No Longer Quivering

Follow No Longer Quivering!

NEW!! The Child Catchers: Rescue, Trafficking, and the New Gospel of Adoption by Kathryn Joyce