"I don't know where I'm going from here, but I promise, it wont be boring. "

Ive had a pretty rough time of it. I just have. But the last couple of days, I felt myself becoming defiant. Not much of a swearer, every time I'd go to the "dark place," I started thinking, "Fuck you Grief. Im not a dark and miserable person. And my beautiful love for this beautiful man, and his for me? Is not going to turn me in to some sad and depressing person. Its just not." So yeah. It sucks. Badly. Still on day 36. But you know what, I am working very hard at this. I cannot be one of those casualties of lost love. He wouldn't want that, and neither do I. So you know what Grief, Fuck Off. Go destroy someone else. You are not making my love the ruin of me. When you start creeping in, I'm going to head you off with doing nice things for other people, praying, Playing with my dog. Exercise. And getting every single kind of help that I need to come out of this whole.

The truth of it is, I cannot offer advice on how to talk to anyone other than myself. There are so many generalized grief articles out there. The bottom line is, we are all different, and want different things in terms of support.

Ive always had an amazing family and friend support system. Im very blessed. When I recently went to the psychiatrist, he told me that I am set up to eventually have a pretty amazing life again. It's hard to believe now, but I am fully aware of the many blessings of family, friends, job, even the kindness of strangers that I have always enjoyed. Anyway, here are my suggestions for dealing with me, suggestions or maybe explanations.

1) Just tell me you are sorry for what I am going through. Dont beat yourself up about a huge, life-changing speech. Its not only unnecessary, I don't need or want it.

2) If you say something dumb, forgive yourself. I have chosen to think that at least during this point in my life, everybody means well. It's all ok. We all feel awkward. I know it's meant with love.

3) Yes, you can talk about him. Share stories, ask me about mine. Nothing I love to talk or hear about more. Seriously. It makes me feel closer to him. And God, do I ever miss him.

4) No, hearing about the death of your loved one doesnt help me. It only makes me sadder.

5) Yes, offer to come visit or do something. There is a very odd list of things that I am up for right now because my head is not on straight. Don't be offended if I can't do your thing. DO suggest it. It might be just what I need!! And also:Ask me what I CAN do. Because I do want to see you.

6) Yes, for once in my life I can and will accept help. So If you are offering help with something, i will probably take you up on it.