My MIL cut LO's hair and it seems damaged?

about a month ago, my MIL cut my baby's hair. i was mortified. she did ask my permission first but, after the long, difficult journey to become close to her, i couldn't say no. i wanted to cry while it was happening. In fact, i think i did. it was like a precious moment had been stolen from me. I planned to wash her hair with a scented shampoo, then tie up a lock and save it in her baby book.All of this happening maybe around her 1st birthday. With her first haircut (at 4 months!), it all fell to the floor in such a heartwrenching, dishonorable way. sweeping it up along with food crumbs from the floor was like a slap in the face for me. I also felt like she "lost" her baby essence since she looked a lot older after the fact. for some reason, as she cut the hair on the back of her head, it seemed to make the hair dull or rough? it doesn't look like the soft hair in the front, even after a bath and combing. DH said it was probably her way of having a special memory with her since she lives out of town. She's even asking DH when we'll cut it again but we've both decided it's not going to happen for a loooooong time. So i guess this is a 2-part post where i need advice on the actual "dry" hair as well as the whole violated feeling i have right now. i'm sort of a type-A personality, so now that her hair's uneven all around, it bothers me to no end. I almost feel like buzzing it all off just to start again. I wouldn't actually do that but the thought hits me just for the sake of having it all the same length again :( Is this just one of those things i need to get over?

Comments (9)

I totally understand your violated feelings. My son is one and still hasn't had a haircut because he really really doesn't need it. he's not bald but he's no 60's rock star either. You should have spoke up if you wanted the first hair cut to be cerimonious (sp?) and you could have taken control of how to do it. You can fix the rough ends and un evenness by trying to go over her hair with a feathering razor. Although over time before her next hair cut, she may develop split ends from the ends of the hair being cut at an angle, her hair will feel more light and feather instead of it being cut straight on the ends which causes the coarse feeling to thin hair. In fact if you can wait for it to grow out just a little bit (a, it may fix it self) or b, you can take her to a salon and have them wash her hair with scented shampoo (or bring your own for them to use) and instead of going for a first haircut, go for a first hair style and have to cosmetolgoist save you a lock of hair for her baby book. You can still make this special and it will fix the uneven, roughness of her hair and give you back your special moment together.

Oh wow, that's awful. I can't believe it. I'm like you, I like momentous. My ODD pushed Aiden's mommy into doing it. He left a baby, came back a boy. Really upset me. Luckily, I'd gotten a lock of hair.

As a grandma, I'd never have just cut the hair like that unless the mommy wanted me to cut it. We did it together, or whatever. But also to do pictures. My dd did feel bad later, and we went to a barber together, but it's still never like the first time.

So, yeah, guess you have to get over it. Her hair will grow. You could clean it up if your decent with a pair of scissors. Get your lock of hair, it should have changed too much.

I was afraid that Aidens red hair would change, but it didn't, still red. LOL! My son had red hair but then it turned brown. So, I thought that might happen.

--

jill-grandma who supports ebf, babywearing and organic and green living as much as possible.

aw thanks ladies. one of my biggest regrets in life is that i'm not able to speak up when the time calls for it. it's like i'm frozen in the moment due to shock, or hurt, then later i'm filled with regret and defeat along with a long list of "should've saids". thank you for the suggestions, they give me a sense of control. After reading your comments, i think i'll let it grow out a bit and take her to a professional and maybe recreate her "first" haircut :)

My Nana cut my hair when I was a kid WITHOUT my Mothers permission (it's my Mothers Mother) and neither my Mother OR my Father have ever let her forget what a mistake that was...haha, I kinda feel bad for my Nana BUT as a Mother now (though I have a son, either way) I completely understand where my parents are coming from. Heck, I don't like the fact that my Nana (ironically, the same Nana that cut my hair) has already purchased an outfit for my son to wear on Christmas day....his very first Christmas! She freakin bought it in MARCH, he was ONE month old...haha! It's a cute outfit but I definitely thought hubby and I would pick something out for him. Maybe we'll "lose" it or it "won't fit"...hehe. Anyway, sorry for my rant...basically, I think next time she asks you if she can do something, a first that you really want to do, just tell her nicely that you had hoped that you and hubby would have that first experience with your lo but that you'd be happy for her to be there if she'd like (I mean, you want pictures of the three of you...hubby, you and lo, doing whatever it is anyway...right? hehe)

As for the dry hair, I have NO idea...sorry. Maybe it just needs time to fix itself.

thank you kris, made me laugh at "losing" the christmas outfit and the thought of her taking our picture :D I've spoken to my husband about it and he's agreed to back me up when the next potential crisis occurs. in the meantime i'm trying to learn to loosen up a bit and not put so much emphasis on the picture perfect moments and rather just let them happen as they come along.

You need to find your voice and level set....you are the mom. Take her to the hairdresser and move on nothing you can do now. Part to the problem is she cut all the baby soft hair off so now her toddler hair will/is coming in.

My daughter rocked the pixie cut for a long time and everyone thought it was so cute cause all girls either have long hair or a bob.

You need to search for dealing with in laws and foo here on babycenter. You are a doormat and it is just going to get worse. Don't miss out on your baby's first anything because your spine isn't strong enough to say no

wow proudmommy0324. here i thought i was just being polite so i wouldn't hurt any feelings. i'm a FTM so i never planned for these types of situations. i really want to thank all the moms who gave positive feedback. this is my first time around and i'm learning a lot about voicing my opinion tactfully. i didn't come here to get called names, i actually wanted to hear from women who have gone through similar situations and could offer some useful advice, not some bitter low-blow from an ill-mannered "adult". i am polite with my in-laws because they are in my life forever and i always want to make them feel included. i'm just trying to find the formula to make us all happy. there's my spine woman!