Martinis And Manservants: How To Survive A Crisis Like The Queen

The Queen might be in quarantine but the 93-year-old knows a thing or two about navigating sh***y times.

The Queen has not been seen in public for seven days. In that time, the British government has put the country on lockdown in a desperate bid to slow the noxious spread of coronavirus through the UK and Prince Charles has tested positive for COVID-19.

For a woman whose life is governed by a nearly religious adherence to following a long pre-planned schedule, Her Majesty made a departure from decades of habit and left London for Windsor Castle a week before she normally would. (The 950-year-old pile is where she spends Easter every year. Those 1,000-odd rooms would sure make for a cracking Easter Egg Hunt for the Cambridge Three.) Like much of the world, she is currently hunkering down inside and contemplating a steady diet of tinned beans for weeks on end to put a stop to COVID-19.

But now a new fascinating fact has emerged about how the Queen is navigating these troubled times: She has her Page of the Backstairs, real name Paul Whybrew, with her. While his title might sound like something that Game of Thrones writers thought was too ridiculous, it’s a position that dates back to 1760 and is actually very senior. He has been in her employ for nearly 40-years and (I’m guessing) ended up in her very good books after reportedly catching Michael Fagan, the man who broke into her bedroom in Buckingham Palace in 1982. (He later said he “tried” one of the thrones and drank some of Charles’ wine stash.) He is such a favourite that the Queen also had him star in her Olympics James Bond video.

Daniel Craig, the Queen and Paul Whybrew at the Olympics opening ceremony in 2012. Image: Locog.Source:Whimn

Whybrew is such a constant presence by the Queen’s side that reportedly, when she settles down to watch tele he sometimes joins her. (Let us all pause for a moment and consider what a sublime pair they would make for Gogglebox.)

The Daily Mail is reporting that as the Queen waits out the COVID-19 threat, most of the Castle’s hundred plus staff have been told to stay at home and she is making do with only eight staffers, including her two most trusted aides - Whybrew and Angela Kelly, Her Majesty’s Senior Dresser.

While the 93-year-old is yet to address the nation, last week she released a statement urging Britons to “focus on the common goal.” (Watch everything on Netflix possible? Find the most creative thing to do with tinned beans? Somehow not go stir crazy?) Because here’s the thing - the Queen knows a thing or two about living through a vast, global emergency. She was only 13-years-old when World War II broke out and her parents, King George VI and Queen Elizabeth were famous for their steadfast refusal to leave Buckingham Palace, even as German bombs landed on London during the Blitz. (The Palace was bombed nine times.)

As we struggle to navigate these rough times, there are a few other lessons the great-grandmother can teach us.

Keep your mates close

Whybrew isn’t the only one of the Queen’s absolute inner circle she is hunkering down with, with reports that her longtime dresser and friend Angela Kelly is also ensconced in the Castle. While those of us not lucky enough to have inherited a throne and multiple castles really don’t have the option of choosing exactly who we are forced to self-isolate with, it is a smart move on the nonagenarian’s part to keep her chums close by her side. (Am I the only one who would like to think the three of them, staying an appropriate distance apart, all sit tucked up under tartan rugs drinking whiskey at night?)

Stay in touch with the fam

The Queen might have been born before the advent of TV or even colour movies but she’s embracing the power of technology. According to the Telegraph she has been learning how to use Skype and FaceTime to stay in touch with her extended brood. If a woman who is head of state for 2.4 billion people can find the time to chat to her rellies, then you can too.

These two on FaceTime would be adorable! Image: Mark Cuthbert/UK Press via Getty Images.Source:Whimn

Embrace cocktail hour

During one particularly upsetting episode during the 90s’ War of the Wales, the Queen reportedly upped her nightly martini consumption from one to two. In times of crisis, we all need something jolly to cheer ourselves up, be it a martini or a family size block of Top Deck. (Or both - no judgement here.) Make like Her Majesty and make sure there is at least one (or more) delightful things in your day. Now does anyone have any spare vermouth? I seem to have already run out...

Keep busy

In 1944 when the Queen (then Princess Elizabeth) turned 18, and with the war still raging, she did not spend her days lolling about on a chaise longue cross-stitching samplers and waiting for a hottie Euro Prince to fall in her lap. (He would but a few years later.) Instead, she joined the Auxiliary Territorial Service and became a mechanic and military truck driver. Next time you see a photo of the 93-year-old Queen, just imagine the diminutive monarch wielding a torque wrench with aplomb and you will have even more respect for her.

Queen Elizabeth II, serving in the Auxiliary Territorial Service when she was Princess Elizabeth. british royaltySource:Whimn