Celebrity “Phil” in the Blank

The sentence “When she heard the good news, Jill picked up the phone ___________ brother” can be completed with the name “Ann Coulter,” especially if you can say it out loud in a Philadelphia accent. Complete each of the following sentences with the name of a famous person.

1. Of all the Gibb Brothers, the artist ____________ often than he sketched Maurice.

2. “I can pay you in bricks or you can take your _____________.”

3. Sign held on street median by down-on-his-luck metalworker: “______________ for food.”

4. “You can either snag a petal, snatch a bud, _______________ for your pressed flower collection.”

5. “Pots of ____________ made by boiling small cylinders with thine vegetables.”

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ANSWERS.

About one in six entrants got all five correct. Number one turned out to be the easiest, number five was the most difficult, and number two was surprisingly tricky. Although they weren’t the answers we were looking for, entrants who wrote CASSIUSCLAY (“cash as clay”) for number two and JIMMYSTEWART for number five (those ice cream toppings ARE both tiny and cylindrical, not to mention delicious) can consider those guesses clever enough. Extra credit to Matt Morris who answered all five correctly and responded with a quiz of his own, which the Brain Exploder hasn’t had time to work on, but may (or may not) be featured at some future date.

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THEFIRSTFIVE TO REPLYWITHPERFECTSCORESANDTHERECIPIENTS OF A MCSWEENEY’S BOOK:

Kiberius Spark
Bill Lammey
Megan Sharkey
Joe Schmidt
Aseel Rasheed

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RESPONDENTSWHOLIVE IN A PARALLELUNIVERSE IN WHICHFORMERMASSACHUSETTSGOVERNORWILL (IAM) WELD IS MOREFAMOUSTHANWILLSMITH:

Randall Nottingham
Todd Vencil
Chris Barry

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TARAREIDFANSWITHTHEUGLIESTPRESSEDFLOWERCOLLECTIONS IN AMERICA:

Josh Mictorn
Fred LaBrecque
Victoria Nece

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THEJACKBLAIRPUNMANSHOW:

1. Of all the Gibb Brothers, the artist CAMERONDIAZ [camera[’d] Andy as (often [as]] he sketched Maurice.

5. “Pots of SHAFTBROTHARE (Shaft, brother!) made by boiling small cylinders with thine vegetables.”

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RANDALLNOTTINGHAM, BETWEENTHISANDWILLWELD, WHAT IS IT WITHYOUPEOPLEFROMMASSACHUSETTS?

2. Red Auerbach — famous Boston Celtics coach. This is probably not the answer you had in mind, but hear me out: Red Hour Recordings is a small studio in Columbus, Ohio. Therefore, a “Red Hour” could be a CD of music they recorded, which would make “I can pay you in bricks or you can take your Red Hour back” a perfectly plausible thing for an unemployed mason to say to a friend who suggested he buy the CD.

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FINALLY, A PARTIALLIST OF OTHERGUESSESRECEIVED, IN NO PARTICULARORDER: