Thursday, October 13, 2016

CarousHELL (2016)

Duke (Steve Rimpici) has had enough. He works day in day out
at the local amusement park and has finally had enough of the snot nosed brats
that ride him. See, Duke is a carousel unicorn. Thus we get the pun from the
title of the film. His focus of rage is a brat nicknamed Lunchbox (Teague Shaw).
The little monster actually collects lunch boxes, thus the nickname. Also, he
can’t stop eating. His sister, Laurie (Se Marie, who I thought I had seen
previously in a Bill Zebub production and was wrong) is stuck with him for the
day because mom has to work.

Laurie doesn’t care. She has plans to go to a party and have
a blast with her boyfriend no matter what. Sarah (Haley Madison, who I
recognized from multiple Henrique Couto productions and was right this time) is
throwing the party and we have all sorts of fun people there. An incestuous foreign
couple. A serial killer. And then there’s Preston
(Chris Proud) Popped collar and channeling his best Ryan Reynolds. Once we stir
in Joe, the pizza guy (Steve Rudzinski) who just wants to get paid for his
pizzas we have the perfect setting for a massacre.

Duke is killing anyone who stands in his way of slaughtering
Lunchbox.

I saw this in the perfect place…Cinema Wasteland. It was
Saturday night and we were all wired from attending A. Ghastlee Ghoul’s
Saturday Night At The Movies. I was familiar with Rudzinski’s work and have
seen a lot of his previous films.

Nothing prepared me for CarousHELL.

See, you get the carousel unicorn and his first victim is
one of the amusement park workers and he skewers him with his horn. Makes sense.
I was worried that continued multiple impalings would get dull.

Never fear.

The very next person he sneaks up on he brandishes a huge
machete and buries it in their skull.

I could not stop laughing from that point onward. This movie
has some of the best executed, most creative kills I have seen in a very long
time. I think Duke should have his own series of films at this point. I really
could watch him plow through tons of clueless millenials on a regular basis and
it would never ever ever get old.

I mentioned that Chris Proud was channeling Ryan Reynolds.
It wasn’t meant as mean or degrading. He nails it and is one of the funniest
things I’ve seen in a while.

If you’re looking for something new. Something different.
Something with the weirdest sex scene you will see in your entire life then I
must insist you watch this movie.