Your Blogging Staff

Contributing to this blog:
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.

GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

A PROBLEM WE ALL NEED TO BE MORE AWARE OF

Wombat rape.Key Quote:"I'll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he's pulled
out,'' Cradock told the operator at the communications centre, who had
no idea what he was talking about, Mr Stringer said.

PROVO CRACKS DOWN

A PLEA FROM SEATTLE

Dear Dave,

I am from Seattle, WA, and am
getting married in November. My fiancee is from St. Petersburg, FL, and we are
getting hitched in Sarasota. Yesterday, for Easter dinner, my dad's family came
over. I was talking with my Aunt Shelly, and asked her if she is coming to the
wedding. She said (and I am not joking) "I don't want to go to Florida because
Dave Barry makes fun of it so much." I asked her if she would make it if Dave
Barry wrote a column or blog about how great Florida is. She said she
would. So give me a hand. I am a big fan, after all. I love your
books, columns, blogs, and my new Dave Barry joke-a-day square toilet paper. I
love my Aunt Shelly, and I want her at my wedding. It is a good prompt, too. A
column on how good Florida is. Should be easy. Sincerely, Paul
Graves

Dear Paul --

Tell Aunt Shelly she has absolutely nothing to worry about. Sarasota is in a very quiet, safe part of Florida, completely out of rifle range from Miami. It's a wealthy community with basically no crime, except for the occasional arrest for servant-flogging (a misdemeanor). So there should be no problem, as long as you are not so foolish as to hold your wedding during hurricane season (June through the following June).

SOME EXAMPLES OF GUY DO-IT-YOURSELF PROJECTS ARE TOO TASTELESS EVEN FOR THIS BLOG

March 25, 2008

IF READING THE BLOG, AND COLUMNS ABOUT COLONOSCOPIES, IS NOT ENOUGH...

...soon you'll be able to find out more about Dave's World - in this case, a mythical place where Dave (albeit a much taller version) drives down to the newspaper office to hand over his column, in a manila envelope, to his editor. Who never, btw, not ever, looked like this.

GUYS

IN FLORIDA, WE CALL THIS 'PARKING'

Key Quote Indicating Some Kind of Deep-Seated Consumer Dissatisfaction:
Adams said Sparling had damaged a post office previously, and the
sheriff said Sparling had a history of damaging postal buildings.

IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE FRANCE SURRENDERS

Key Quote Indicating That Some Guys Have a Plan That Is Probably Not Going To Work Out The Way They Expect:Despite a ban on fires in the tinder-dry area of Springbank, just
northeast of Calgary's city limits, two men went into a field to kill
gophers using a device called a Rodenator, fire officials said on
Monday.

MAKES SENSE TO US

IT'S TURNING INTO A SACRED PILGRIMAGE

Some of you, if you have no lives whatsoever, may recall that last year this blog visited the San Francisco Exploratorium and encountered a drinking fountain made out of a toilet, which illustrates the fascinating scientific principle that there is a lot of drug use in San Francisco. Here is a photo from that visit:Now we have received an email from Andy the TropicHunt.com Guy™ who reports that he recently visited the Exploratorium and viewed this exhibit. Notice that Andy is getting a lot more intimate with the toilet than we did. We just hope he was wearing protection.