England v Pakistan - live!

England bat first; Pakistan lost the toss

Sean Ingle

Thursday July 13, 2006

Preamble
Morning everyone. Forgive me if I'm a bit all over the place today. In truth I feel like someone who's been in a coma for the last six weeks. When I flew to Germany for the World Cup in early June, England's cricketers were one-nil up against Sri Lanka and dominating. Since then they've been beaten up and battered, splayed and Sanathed - and I've arrived back to find their stock has plummetted faster than Wall Street in October 1987. With the Ashes around the corner, this is hugely important series - and a much-needed chance to get back on track.

Teams news
After a few looseners in the middle, Matthew Hoggard is passed fit. But Pakistan vice-captain Younis Khan misses out with a knee injury, as does Shoaib Malik, who has an elbow problem.

The toss
Andrew Strauss flicks, the coin backflips high into the air, and Inzamam-Ul-Haq calls wrongly. This pitch looks a belter, and it's no surprise when Strauss announces that England will bat. They should be looking for 450-plus here. "You may feel you've been in a coma, but those of us stuck here in the UK have just felt like it's a bad dream," says Chris Coombs. "Unfortunately, it's not."

1st over: England 9-0 (Trescothick 8, Strauss 0)
With Shoaib, Naved and Asif injured, the slingy Mohammed Sami opens the bowling. England get off the mark with a no ball before Trescothick hits successive boundaries, through third man then through the covers. "Cricinfo have dropped the watching-paint-dry approach and are now banging on about making cups of tea and asking readers for comments," says Rohan Grove. "Can you ask them to stop - I'm used to checking their site to see what the actual score is. OBO should and is the cricket journalism equivalent of a mid afternoon Oval crowd, frequently drunk but none the less entertainingly."

2nd over: England 14-0 (Trescothick 8, Strauss 0)
I know very little about Umar Gul, except that he's more of a seamer than a swinger. He makes a decent start, apart from one delivery that goes wide of second slip and races away for four. "Can I take this chance to be the first this series to call for Geraint Jones to be dropped," says Robin Smith (not the Robin Smith surely?). "Really it's gone beyond a joke now, Fletcher's stubborness is starting to veer towards dereliction of duty." But who would you replace him with Robin?

3rd over: England 14-0 (Trescothick 8, Strauss 0)
A quiet, early-in-the-Test sort of over from Sami. "So, bearing in mind you were out there on a jolly soaking up all the sauerkraut-covered entertainment, would you have swapped an England win in the World Cup for last summers Ashes glory?" asks Richard Rowe. Certainly not Richard - England's cricketers are, by and large, a bunch of decent blokes. England's footballers are, by and large, a bunch of insufferable prima-donnas.

4th over: England 22-0 (Trescothick 8, Strauss 7)
Strauss finally gets off the mark with a shuffly pull off his pads, and then adds another three with a prod through midwicket. The conditions are overcast at Lord's but the Pakistani's aren't getting much movement off the seam. "I see other organisations have taken the OBO format and tried to copy shamelessly in a Rob Brydon Annually Retentive stylie," says Andy Bradshaw/ "I await for your Berliner-style gimmick to keep the Guardians OBO hip and trendy and ahead of the game - I'm guessing a webcam or podcast would be involved." Us hip and trendy?!

5th over: England 30-0 (Trescothick 8, Strauss 15)
First near miss of the morning. Sami's widish delivery gets Strauss a chasin' - and his edge flies where third slip should have been. Inzamam puts a cover protector into the slip cordon and typically, two balls later, Strauss strokes it gloriously through the covers for four. Meanwhile Tom Miller isn't happy. "Which idiot has been fiddling with the OBO format?" he fumes. "Why's it upside down, with the latest score at the top? The whole point, for those who miss bits of the day, is to read through in anticipation of what's coming next. Like Radio 4 listeners, OBO watchers are sticklers for tradition." It's probably 60-40 in favour of this way Tom. You could always close your eyes and read from the bottom up.

6th over: England 43-0 (Trescothick 9, Strauss 23)
Strauss cuts lose! Two overs ago he didn't have a run to his name, now he's thrashed and slashed his way into the 20s. Two more boundaries that over. "Get James Foster in instead of Jones," says Philip Langeskov. "He kept beautifully at Melbourne on the last Ashes tour and is a sticker rather than a dasher with the bat, which, in my view, is what we need to bolster the explosive talents of Freddie and KP."

7th over: England 48-0 (Trescothick 10, Strauss 27)
England are breeezily taking apart this lightweight-looking Pakistan attack. They're averaging nearly seven an over now. "Further to Richard Rowe's Ashes v World Cup non-dilemma, surely I am not the only one who fervently supports the Ashes-winning England cricketers but takes great delight in the regular and wretched failure of our woeful footballers?" says David Peacock. I'm guessing not David. Any others out there?

8th over: England 49-0 (Trescothick 11, Strauss 27)
England pause for breath; just the one off Umar Gul's over. "Has anybody told our openers that this is a Test Match?" splutters Carl Pitcher. "How come we can't score for toffee in a ODI yet we are jogging along quite nicely on an overcast morning at Lord's?" White ball, Carl?

9th over: England 54-0 (Trescothick 14, Strauss 29)
Trescothick brings up the 50 with an easy three through midwicket. "Tom Miller (over five) shame on you! Youre clearly just a Johnny Come Lately. Before the scroll down, yes down for updates days, the over-by-overs always had the latest comment at the top," says Jack Fray. "This is just going back to how it was originally."

10th over: England 56-0 (Trescothick 15, Strauss 29)
A much better over from Umar Gal - tighter and generally on a length, although there's also nose-scalpelling bouncer chucked in which has Trescothick bobbing his head sharply. "Robin Smith is absolutely right," says Jonathon Wood. "What else does Chris Read have to do? He used to be rubbish with the bat, but he's averaged over 50 for the last two county seasons, and scored a century against Pakistan for England A last week. And incidentally he's a superb wicketkeeper. I can only assume he dissed Fletcher's mum and sister once too often."

11th over: England 60-0 (Trescothick 16, Strauss 30)
Abdur Razzaq replaces Sami, but the runs continue to gentle flow like a Lake District waterfall in summer. "Can I ask where youve hidden the link to the desktop scorecard?" writes Andy Bonnington (and others). "Having to keep refreshing every 60 seconds whilst continuing the masquerade of working is going to get me found out quicker than a Swedish football supremo delivering a key note speech at a motivation seminar." Sorry Andy, technical problems - you should be able to access it off the sport front though.

12th over: WICKET! Trescothick c Akmal b Gul (England 60-1)
Pakistan get the breakthrough. Two balls after Trescothick was rightly adjudged not out to one that flicked his shirt as it went through to Akmal, he charges at a wide one and splices it to Akmal. "Talk of Johnny Come Latelies reminds of the early days when you could guarantee getting a mention as regularly as Hoggard got a bowl," sighs James Peterson. "We used to reach double figures in a series - these days I'd be happy to get one mention in the Pakistan series."

13th over: WICKET! Srauss lbw 30 (England 60-2)
Now Strauss goes! Abdur Razzaq's delivery was fast and straight, Strauss missed it and Simon Taufel had no doubts. "If Materazzi gets mugged on worldwide TV for what can only have been thebriefest, but very effective, bit of sledging, surely Ricky Ponting can expect a bat round the ear'ole at the SCG this winter," asks Brian Jones, not unreasonably.

14th over: England 62-2 (Cook 0, Pietersen 2)
A huge, huge let off for England. Alastair Cook nibbles at Gul's teasing outswinger but as it flies into Inzamam's huge and welcoming hands, Imran Farhat Superman dives from second slip and puts it down. "To distinguish yourselves from the 'competition', how about a vibrating mouse, which give a little twitch each time something important happens i.e. wicket, six, Geraint Jones holding on to a catch, that type of thing?" suggests Jamie Oliff.

15th over: England 62-2 (Cook 1, Pietersen 2)
After the drama and palpatations of the last three overs, Cook and Pietersen rightly lower the pulse. "What is going on with Cricinfo's commentary?" wonders Paul Frangi. "It's like having Bill Frindall replaced with Timmy Mallett. If I want banter and jokes I'll come here thanks. Probably."

16th over: England 69-2 (Cook 5, Pietersen 6)
Shot from Pietersen, who lazily rocks back before bullying Gul's outswinger through the covers. "Bob Woolmer said on the radio today that, in a bid to get Shoab match fit, if any club wants him this weekend they should get in touch," says Bill Ridgers. "Our work team (highest score: 98) is playing a 30-over game this weekend. Do you think it is worth giving him a go to pep up our attack? Any readers had experience of captaining a big-name player?" Well, my sometime colleague Lawrence Booth is at Lord's. Perhaps you could have a word, Boothy?

17th over: England 74-2 (Cook 6, Pietersen 12)
A poor hook shot from Cook drops just short of the man at backward square. That brings Pietersen facing, and immediately he flicks Razzaq through midwicket for four. He's scoring at a run a ball now. "I was tempted to sneak a peek at the new 'breezy' cricinfo, and was frankly frightened at seeing the use of the phrases 'rock-on' and 'all gone Pete Tong' in the commentary," says Neil Lee. "A bit early-90s for me, frankly. I'm going to stick with those cool cats at theguardian."

18th over: England 84-2 (Cook 6, Pietersen 17)
Sami returns, but Pietersen continues to attack. His breezy 17 has come off 17 deliveries. Meanwhile this from the Gerraint Jones fanclub. "Is it too much to ask for eveybody to lay off Geraint?" writes Ben Smith. "The guy's had his ups and downs admittedly but he was part of the team that won the Ashes after all. This seems to be the problem with English sport. When we do OK we think we're the world's best but as soon as we have a challenge to overcome we want wholesale changes. Get a grip of yourselves, honestly!"

19th over: WICKET! Pietersen lbw Razzaq 21 (England 88-3)
Dear oh dear. No sooner had Pietersen hit Razzaq for another boundary than he padded up to a jaggedy inswinger. Replays suggest it was going over several inches over the stumps, but umpire Taufel had no doubts - out. Pietersen couldn't believe it, and nor can the Lord's crowd. "If you put my name into google virtually every reference that comes back is my name in an OBO/MBM/GBG form of coverage," harrumphs Ben Hendy. "Well, it was until some dastardly Ben Hendy in the States started getting good at college 'football'. Bah!"

21st over: England 102-3 (Cook 13, Collingwood 6)
England bring the 100 up. The first 50 came off 51 balls, the second off 79 balls, but they're still going along at a brisk pace. "A snail pulling a little trolley has just arrived from Lord's to tell me that Pietersen's out, which hasn't yet made it onto OBO," says Jeremy Hughes (and many others). "Could we ask for slightly speedier updates, or are you crying into your tea?" Annoying decaching problems, Jeremy.

22nd over: England 103-3 (Cook 14, Collingwood 3)
Sami is still speeding in - his average speed is 86.2mph - but instead of the swish and swash of Strauss and Pietersen's blades, he's hearing the dull thud of a Collingwood defensive push. "Can you get Boothy to find out if Shoaib can keep wicket? We are short a gloveman this weekend," says Tom Newman. "Also, let him know that Saturday week is our moustache game, so he should start cultivating one if he wants a place." Will do Tom, will do.

23rd over: England 104-3 (Cook 15, Collingwood 4)
Now Cook is content to block and delay. Just two singles off the ball, and England clearly have one eye on lunch. "As unexpected and disturbing as the new cricinfo format is, it is nothing compared with the BBC coverage," says Jon Adamson. "Their usually factual accounts, I have noticed,ahave progressively contained more 'banter' each series since the Ashes, but they have just described Pietersen as 'the photo negative of a cricket-loving Goth' because of his zinc sunscreen. Bizarre." We have sown the seed Jon, now we are reaping the whirlwind...

24th over: England 108-3 (Cook 15, Collingwood 8)
Danish Kanera is introduced into the attack. His voicebox certainly got a workout that over, with a bat-pad appeal (nowhere near), cries of "catch it! catch it!' (when Collingwood mistimed one over midwicket although there was no fielder in sight), and then a big appeal for a caught behind (an excellent decision by Bucknor who ruled that it had hit Collingwood's thigh). "After his appearance on some cricket show a couple of weeks back on Sky shouldnt he now be Televisions Lawrence Booth?" suggests Andrew Goldsby, not unreasonably. "Available for early Sunday morning cricket discussions so long as they centre on the recall of one Ian Bell."

25th over: England 110-3 (Cook 17, Collingwood 10)
A couple more for England, who are now averaging just a shade over four an over. "Re: Ben Smith (18th over). Lay off Geraint? "Part of the team that won the Ashes"? Well, Nobby Stiles was part of the team that won the World Cup. Sure, his game's dropped off a bit recently, but maybe he's earned our loyalty," says Owen O'Rourke. "The problem with English sport is sometimes that we moan a bit, yes, but also that we live in the past. I'd still buy Geraint a drink but he's now part of a losing team. Chris Read has worked hard and he deserves his chance."

26th over: England 113-3 (Cook 18, Collingwood 11)
Danish Kanera has just got the ball to spin at a right-angle. Yes, on the first morning of a Test, with a 25-over-old ball, and up the pitch. With a predicted heatwave coming, the next few days could be very interesting. "Tell Ben Smith we'll lay off Jones when he stops waving forlornly at anything that's more than a millimetre down the leg side," scoffs Paul Ward.

27th over: England 118-3 (Cook 22, Collingwood 11)
Now Afridi gets a chance to whirl and twirl - although Cook is happy to feast on one that drops short and wide. "Ben Hendy has it easy (19th over)," sobs Tom Chivers; "Apart from being immortalized solely as a serial pesterer of OBOs etc, I share a name with a Kentuckian destruction derby driver whos currently passing the oft-crashed torch to his son Randy. Randy Chivers! I mean, good Lord. And what do all your readers have against Johnny-come-Latelies? You cant have it both ways, you realise. Either you want cricket to be popular, or you dont. People have to start somewhere." That's lunch, thanks for all your emails. Cheers, Sean.