Check out Steven Petrow’s new Parade feature, “Manners Hero of the Week,” which congratulated a Ruby Tuesday waitress for picking up the lunch tab for two National Guardsmen affected by the government shutdown.

Dear Mr. Manners: I quit smoking last year and have now been “vaping” e-cigarettes. My understanding is that smoking e-cigs is legal in public places, but the last time I lit up in a local restaurant, the manager told me to take it outside. I didn’t want to make a scene, so I did as he ordered (although I was tempted just to leave). Which brings me to my question: Even though e-cigs are healthy alternatives, what is the etiquette about “vaping” them in public?

A: Your question highlights two of the haziest controversies about e-cigarettes (although first let me take a deep breath and congratulate you for quitting conventional cigarettes!):

Myth No. 1: E-cigarettes are legal in public places. The U.S. Department of Transportation doesn’t permit them on planes, trains, or buses; some cities’ “no smoking” bans include them, others don’t. As far as privately owned venues, while some bars and restaurants allow them, many others (like Starbucks) don’t. Overall, it’s even more of a gray area than your average smoker’s lungs.

Myth No. 2: E-cigarettes are healthy. Again, not so fast. While e-cigarettes release vapor instead of smoke, “they do emit toxic chemicals into the environment,” says Stanton Glantz, a professor of medicine and director of the Center for Tobacco Control Research and Education at the University of California, San Francisco. So far, they are not FDA-approved and there’s very little research to show their long-term effects.

Many of my readers, when asked your question on my Facebook page, seemed just as confused about e-cigarette etiquette as you are. Some of the top comments included:

“I don’t want your vape in my face either, thank-you.”

“I would think that the etiquette for e-cigarettes would be exactly the same as for cigarettes. If the restaurant does not permit smoking, either because of their own rules or local laws, of course you would not light up an e-cigarette.”

“In my area, vaping is still considered smoking and will get you fined or arrested. So much for what the ads say about their use anywhere any time.”

“My husband switched to e-cigs. The aromas he’s tried all give me headaches—but his cigarettes never did. I’m for vaping outdoors only in open air.”

So, until the FDA and state and local municipalities determine whether an e-cigarette is a cigarette is a cigarette—or not—smoking etiquette applies: Take it outside. Second best: If it’s not illegal where you are, ask permission before lighting up. But don’t place the burden on restaurant staff to police smokers and deal with customer complaints. That’s not their job.