It''s always darkest before it goes
Completely black
I''m older now so I should know
You never can look back
But the scars of childhood memories
Dominate my head
The inner pain I''ve vowed to keep
Until the day I''m dead

You can''t see, the life I was forced to lead
What it''s like to die daily
You can''t feel, the thoughts I''ve learned to stea
Survival is my reality
When I was young I lived in fear
The hands of doom forever drawing near
I wonder how I learned to persevere
As time advanced deceit was my life''s truth
Spurred on by the peace I never knew

Time does not heal
The scars that burned me in my youth
Time does not heal
The pain that carved in me the truth
Time does not heal
The torture struck upon my past
Time does not heal
The scars that were left and meant to last

Over the many years I''ve tried
To bury deep my past
Attempting to cope with what''s inside
My wastelands of regret
But defeated before I began
To join the human race
Indelibly I''ve felt the brand
Of scars I can''t erase

I was the fool, subversive and overrulled
Into my abyss I was pulled
The ways of hate, constantly agitate
The scars as they''d eviscerate
Inside my head desolation forms
Shadows grasping my mind through its storm
I couldn''t see that I was being forewarned
That anguish was to take my life''s controls
And rake it''s wounds forever into my soul

Time does not heal
The scars that burned me in my youth
Time does not heal
The pain that carved in me the truth
Time does not heal
The torture struck upon my past
Time does not heal
The scars that were left and meant to last

I have learned to live alone, it''s meant to be
Endless lies and emptiness fulfilling me
Life''s there to deceive the truth you''ll never see
Understand that I am dying to be free
Images have haunted me since I was young
Chilling were the arms of fear I was among
What were once just nightmares now have since become real
Atrocities which I can''t escape from...

It''s always darkest before it goes
Completely black
I''ve realized now that it''s impossible
Surviving their attack
Through duress I''m borne, a past that''s brought me scorn
And when I''m dead, will I be mourned?
The scars I''ve worn, the mental flesh I''ve shredded and torn

Time does not heal
The scars that burned me in my youth
Time does not heal
The pain that carved in me the truth
Time does not heal
The torture struck upon my past
Time does not heal
The scars that were left and meant to last

02. Pain's Invention, Madness

Chains shackle me
With truth I''m face to face
Backed up in between
A damp cage I remain
In the cell of numb despair
The chill engulfs my veins
There''s only one notion that I revere
The only truth in life is pain
It levels and crushes at its free will
My doomed fate will soon be sealed

Beyond my grasp is a life
That I will never attain
Happiness, joy, not in sight
Supplanted by truth''s dark reign
Physical, mental agony shows
Along which my life revolves
Either you feel it, or you don''t
There are never lies involved
Clutching to my abnormality
Hand in hand with destiny

When you are pumping full of life
The one sensation that you have
Can penetrate through love or hate
Existence on a higher plane
In death and life, both the domains
Surrender totally to pain
I slip and claw and scream
It calls
Leave me alone with me It yearns
I''m bleeding from my brain
It needs me I''m helpless, trapped behind its walls
Tearing apart my mind
It burns Upon my naked soul
It feeds

Streams of consciousness fill the page
As my nerve endings scream in rage
Deliver me to the darkest age
As De Sade sits at center stage
My flesh is but a portal now
To wisdom and truth I am avowed

Pain''s invention, madness
Pain''s invention, madness

Twisting through the door
Am I nevermore?
My breath I can feel
Therefore I am real
I''ve succumbed to there heinous sins
And I''ll never be forgiven
Shackled and bound, my new life I''ve found
And I''ve tasted the fruits forbidden
I''ve craving more
Of pain''s overtures
Liberation is near
And I have nothing to fear
In this journey of self-discovery
I have found the keys to be set free
In this wicked course, I''ve uncovered the force
That will keep me vital eternally

Pain''s invention, madness, has set me free
Transcendency
Of mere mortality
Tortured infliction
Is now my addiction
Constant agony
Has created me
I am suffering
Through this atrocity

I''m not blind to what I might find
Squirming way down deep inside my labyrinthine mind
Inhibitions removed, replaced with scar tissue
And I''m punished with blades of my lobotomizing suit
I''ve sought this dream
In its violent extreme
Now my pleasure is clear
Though the lesson''s severe
My will is strong, but I could be wrong
This new doctrine for which I''ve been searching all along is
The religion of truth through administration of pain
The body only takes so much before it drives the mind insane
As a matter of fact, my friend
I''ve come to my bitter end
It''s not a torture rack I''m in
Though I can still pretend
It''s a jacket of white with buckles and straps
Not a pleasure device at all
It keeps me safely under wraps
While I''m chained to this padded wall hear my cries...you''ll never know

03. Act Of Contrition

Emotions are easily spent, twisted and forever bent
When fixations are not returned the lines are so quickly obscured

When I am haunted by your vision, I will cause you pain
At me you spit your derision, you are my obsession
You are repelled by my existence, but you will soon be trained
My sins atoned for in silence, an act of contrition

Held before my eyes though distant enough to be seen
If I were to pull it too close, I''d blur it to its full extreme
I''m barren of anything else
A lunatic''s need to possess you

When I am haunted by your vision, I will cause you pain
At me you spit your derision, you are my obsession
You are repelled by my existence, but you will soon be trained
My sins atoned for in silence, an act of contrition

Rational thought
Has vanished and fled for its life
The one goal after which I''ve sought
It''s upon your fear that I thrive
When written words are now legible
The story can be told
But when they''re thrust too close to my eyes
They become a blindfold
And it''s then reality
Fades into obscurity
Then I find that my mania is out of control
I tighten the grip on my obsession, but I can''t be consoled

Now it''s made me dangerous
To all but you I''m oblivious
Distortions, perverse and unfair, you''re threatened as I dominate
You need me, so why are you scared?
From my grasp there is no escape
Don''t you ever think of leaving me
You are mine until I set you free
The pain you feel is of no consequence
Many suffer, few survive...
I''m not one with whom to be toyed, your mind easily I''ll destroy
Enforcing my supremacy, accept me, I''m your destiny

When I am haunted by your vision, I will cause you pain
At me you spit your derision, you are my obsession
You are repelled by my existence, but you will soon be trained
My sins atoned for in silence, an act of contrition

04. The New Priesthood

History''s shown you that answers can''t be found above
Life''s great questions are tackled only by us
Knowledge of mysteries that puzzle your learned men of the cloth
We''ve explanations that men of God can''t fathom

Searching for your destiny
In a book that''s not reality
We solve the the Earth''s problems
Through our science and technology

Look back one thousand years when science was in its infancy
The church had the word, the world was forced to heed
How many times they led astray, their flock was shown no mercy
"It''s God''s will", not good enough, minds were closed ignorantly

We are here to shed the light
And your "Savior" is powerless to fight
You must realize that your theology is wrong
And we are right
Accept it for it''s proven
And the truth is for all to see
Scientifically we''ll answer any question there could be

Obviously you don''t see that we''ve become your deities
Can''t you see that we are your new priesthood?Blinded by your piety and impotent divinity
Recognize that we are your new priesthood!

Religious dogma that''s confused and shackled you
Searching through the good book not knowing what''s the truth
You''re only innocent, raised servile and unaware
Unconversant to what is really out there
Humanity must be erudite but not only from books should it gain insight
Through practice of sound philosophy comes cognizance of Man''s own plight
This you won''t find in your church or your faith
Though science has always attempted to explicate

Obviously you don''t see that we''ve become your deities
Can''t you see that we are your new priesthood?Blinded by your piety and impotent divinity
Recognize that we are your new priesthood!

Intelligence is lacking in your realm
That is why we''ve come to take the helm
As you have seen, you cannot turn to God for the solution
Mankind has thrust himself into a sick position, lack of vision
To those who blanket and surround themselves with gullibility
There will be severity
Yet again we will achieve the answers because we are more than God
As you kneel and pray
Genuflect our way
Try and feel your way
Without our guidance someday

History''s shown you that answers can''t be found above
Life''s great questions are tackled only by us
Knowledge of mysteries that puzzle your learned men of the cloth
We''ve explanations that men of God can''t fathom

Searching for your destiny
In a book that''s not reality
We have solved the the Earth''s problems
Through our science and technology
We see the things that you can''t find in your faith
We are in command with men like Hawking leading the way

Obviously you don''t see that we''ve become your deities
Can''t you see that we are your new priesthood?Blinded by your piety and impotent divinity
Recognize that we are your new priesthood!

05. Psychosexuality

A shadow, I prowl these decadent streets
Perversion, degradation my soulmates
An observer, I''m amidst the innocent weak
My fascinations are salacious and unchaste
This netherworld of carnality is my existence
I don''t walk alone, for this is my home
And my subsistence
I silently drift through these darkened paths
I''m a witness to human psyche in decay
There''s nothing here but burnt-out bodies and souls
A breeding ground for the depraved
I''ve plunged beyond the sickest depths of pruriency
What is normal to me is far beneath what is seen as mere "obscenity"

Can you feel the pain
Of these souls deranged?
Can you feel the pain
I have lived inside
These pathetic minds
And it''s menacing
Psychosis and lust is so dangerous
Sexuality at its most diseased
Has enslaved us...

I wish I could give you severe details
But now''s not the time nor the place
I''ve sojourned through the vilest combat zones
And been invovled in acts that are debased
Virtuous lives are crushed in this malevolent den of thieves
There''s no escape from the abduction and rape of virginity
Scenic nightmares of brutal self-indulgence
Nothing is sacred, especially life
I completely share my amorality
With the hookers and the hustlers that stalk the night
Shocking, disgusting displays of human indignities
Anything can be achieved in sexual iniquities

Can you feel the pain
Of these souls deranged?
Can you feel the pain
I have lived inside these pathetic minds
And it''s menacing
Psychosis and lust is so dangerous
Sexuality at its most diseased
Has enslaved us...

I''ve been seduced into this realm
Why? I cannot say...
I''ve cleansed myself from all that''s pure
I''ve now incurred disgrace
I can''t put my finger on the attraction
I''m not an anomaly
In my domain of abomination
Psychosexuality...

I have a personal obsession with pain
Dealing, receiving, to me it''s the same
It''s a tragic game
Excruciation that goes unrestrained
To others this pleasure may be insane
Or at the least profane
Virgins forced to perform unspeakable deeds
Immaculate youth placed in impurity
The screams of pain, I have heard the screams
Of quiet exits, but forced entry
Desperate souls of one accord
With their lives in this sordid world
Women defiled orifices committing disgust
Grotesque forays into macabre lusts
Why am I here? I''ve been drawn
In this shameless world I belong...

Can you feel the pain
Of these souls deranged?
Can you feel the pain
I have lived inside these pathetic minds
And it''s menacing
Psychosis and lust is so dangerous
Sexuality at its most diseased
Has enslaved us...

Men who pluck children from their families
Teaching a man''s "rules" to this younger breed
To the black-market, parents sell their young under eight
Anything older out here is too late
Adolescence their fate...
Snuff films with their discreet mutiliations
Anonymous fiends and confused, unwilling victims
Desecrating unblemished bodies and minds
Breaking and torturing, then ending their lives
I have watched them die...
You''ve been given a glimpse of this pornographic scene
Some of it scares me, all of it excites me
This is my horrible, demented hell
Once you''re trapped down here I wish you well

Why am I here? I''ve been drawn
But honestly, do I belong?

Can you feel the pain
Of these souls deranged?
Can you feel the pain
I''ve been trapped inside here pathetic minds
And it''s menacing
Psychosis and lust is so dangerous
Sexuality at its most diseased has enslaved us...

06. An Ancient Inherited Shame

Femininity, a sacred life
My goals and dreams achieved, or soon they might
Unintruded being, innocent
Young, with a hopeful future to be spent
I can''t believe my idiocy

You came along with your invasion
Your act of violence not of lust
Upon me...

Racing through these darkened streets at night
Fleeing from this terror that haunts me
I am chosen, this can''t be right
The pain that your thrust brings

I don''t want your flesh
I''m not your whore
But you want my blood
I''m not a whore

Trapped down here inside
A nightmare that''s become reality
A heinous violation
Of my humanity
Right before my eyes I see my world
Fractured so precise by one so cold
Through your veins run ice, I beg of thee
As I lie paralyzed please let me be

From within your soul I stare
I don''t think I''ll live to see this end
You''ll reign eternally through my nightmares
If I ever sleep again

The hatred directed at me ''cause of what I am
Is as chilling as the defilement itself
I wonder, what kind of beast is man?
What emotions are and not felt?

I don''t want your flesh
I''m not your whore
But you want my blood
I''m not a whore

I can''t even comprehend
Why this act has come to be
Proven time and time again
The ultimate sadistic release
This violent form of incarceration
Trapped by savagery, helpless I lie
I refuse this indoctrination
Though you shatter this inner sanctum of mine

An ancient inherited shame
Bonding women and horror
Outlasting the boundaries of time
Enslaved forevermore
Inherent crimes
Through generations has become a terror cycle...

You can''t see me but you feel me
You only want what you don''t understand
You can''t have me so you take me
Forever scarred where you''ve stamped your brand
You look in my eyes and you tell me
What do you see?
Of this I''m deserving?
You can''t see me but you feel me
You only want what you don''t understand

You can''t have me so you take me
Forever scarred where you''ve stamped your brand
You need to crush me with your lividity
Does this make you feel more like a man
You can''t have me, so you rape me
My innocence strangled by your hand

This must be necrophilia, for I am dead inside
Your violent misogyny, your strength drowns my cries
In shock, I''m crippled with disbelief
This can''t be happening to me
Oh god, this hurts, I''m bleeding from friction
Unconscious I''m pleading to be...

You cannot imagine the anger I feel
Nor can you imagine the pain and despair
This double jeopardy soon happens again
When they scrape me for semen and hair
My mind is frozen with your face intact
This atrocity from which I haven''t been spared
From now on, I''ll only know lovemaking through
An act of intense terror
The malevolence which pours over me
You fill me with your rage

It''s mortifying, diabolical
Controlling through this stage
I struggle to cope with what''s happening
I''m praying for my death
I''ve done nothing wrong, I''ve been victimized
So I''ll pray for yours instead

The physical torment inflicted on me
Is insufferable but it doesn''t compare
To your terrible criminal mentality
And the scars I''ll forever bear
To live through this brutal show of force
Will cause me years of torment and grief
Awaiting this misery to run its course
As I scream out innocent pleas
This violent form of incarceration
Trapped by savagery, helpless I lie
I refuse this indoctrination
Though you shatter this inner sanctum of mine

An ancient inherited shame
Bonding women and horror
Outlasting the boundaries of time
Enslaved forevermore
I will force myself to carry on
And vengeance will be ultimately mine
If you are not imprisoned soon
By my hands you will die...

I don''t what your flesh
I''m not your whore
But you wnat my blood
I''m not a whore
Through rape you''ve created me
A victim not above revenge
A churning, seething mass of hate
But you haven''t conquered my soul

07. Trauma And Catharsis

Leading quiet lives of desperation, we maniacally cling to the unreal
Life pursues its stranglehold, upon us, its pain revealed
We, as a race, are frail and weak, crises leave us paralyzed
We strain to deal with what''s thrown at us, we''re therefore traumatized

Really, I speak for no one but me
And I am losing my grasp
On that which I must call "myself"
This burden might be my last
Stranded and sinking into remorse
The darkest recesses of my mind
The cavernous tyranny of pain and fear
Is lunacy far behind?

I have dealt eternally with anguish
I have learned to live with my distress
From all this trauma comes profound catharsis
And a way to cope with my life''s bitterness

Loneliness draped around my neck, in its sinister seduction
I pray a light will come from this, my frightened introspection
A lifetime of misery and its brethren, has depleted my reserves
And this has brought me the true conclusion, *nothing* is what I deserve

My early involvement in sordid acts
Has left me scarred for life
The road I have taken, self-doubt intact
Denigration is my wife
Am I a slave to the powers that be?
Have I any inner strength?
Fleeting struggles of humanity,I pontificate at length

I have dealt eternally with anguish
I have learned to live with my distress
From all this trauma comes profound catharsis
And a way to cope with my life''s bitterness

As an outcast, I''ve become inner-dependent, trapped in a world of lies
But now I must question my own self-worth, that leaves me demoralized
Possessing fate of mental demons, surrounds my soul in these masses of pain
Voices damning all of my thoughts
Self-infliction capacities retained

I''m not the only one in this world
Who''s suffered through emotional discord
Intensities-caustic and penetrating
Is it me I''ve spent all my life hating?
Thinking distorted emotions clouded
By my personal asceticism
In condemnation I''ve been enshrouded
Acetylene baptism

I have dealt eternally with anguish
I have learned to live with my distress
From all this trauma comes profound catharsis
And a way to cope with my life''s bitterness

I''ve expunged a multitude of, but sad to say, not all my doubts and fears
But I look forward with trepidation, and step with caution into my remaining years
I am quite sure that in these words
There''s not much hope that things will ever change
Maybe my time for suffering''s past
And I can vaguely hope for brighter days

I have dealt eternally with anguish
I have learned to live with life''s distress
From all this trauma came profound catharsis
And a way to cope with my life''s bitterness

08. Sensory Deprivation

Potentially there''s no safety
Inside these walls
I''m forced to be
Unprotected to cruelty
I''m not at my own mercy
The most important time in my life
Is governed by an unstable mind
On another I depend
My own life I can''t defend
Will I survive?
To see the day arrive
When I am cast forth
And endangered nevermore

Incarcerated and force-fed
Your disparity a constant threat
You're you qualified to reign?
Is my destruction pre-ordained?
I am not a parasite
Will I be punished by your spite?
I await my destiny
And possibly your enmity
Will I survive?
To see the day arrive
When I am cast forth
And endangered nevermore

Completely under your dominion
I''m not here of my own volition, no
Will I survive?
To see the day arrive
When I am cast forth
And endangered nevermore

I''m locked away, a nonentity
Sacrificed by antipathy
My pleas aren''t heard
So I''m tortured
It''s perilous in this domain
And I''m dead if I remain
I pray that you
Don''t cause my doom...
Will I survive?
To see the day arrive
When I am cast forth
And endangered nevermore

09. A Subtle Induction

The psychological impact of a film that we all love
It''s negative imagery that preys upon our young
How could we be so blind?
Now we step inside conceptually a different view
And uncover the horror that we''re injecting into
All our children''s minds

Born into a peasant monarchy
A life of inherited luxury
This newborn Prince with his silver spoon
His life unfolds and will change soon

His father, the King, is not ever around
Never deigning to walk on his own son''s ground
A tragic young life spent in a broken home
Looking forward to years of life alone

Leading the life of hell
His story, you know it well
In death he''d finally be free
Could this be what it seems to be?

As this Prince enters his first few years
A menagerie known as his friends appears
Misfits one and all
One, who lives to create turbulence
Another, who straddles an androgynous fence
And we''re not sure where he''ll fall

Minute is his contact with the outside world
Unhardened to the likely peril it holds
Until one day, with his mother, the Queen
He''s thrust into a ghastly scene
Like animals, with weapons they''re pursued
By men with butcherous attitudes
His mother, the victim of the "Thrill Of The Chase"
With a bullet, she loses this death race

Leading the life of hell
His story, you know it well
In death he''d finally be free
Could this be what it seems to be?

Then his woman is forced into
A precarious position and looks doomed
Assaulted and raped by more than one
Members of a gang that are on the hunt
Add to this the destructiveness
Of the fire that rages without rest
Decimating his neighborhood
Torching his land where his home once stood

Brutal cinematic display, upon our children''s minds it preys
A subtle induction into horror, with implications we can''t ignore
Malevolence hidden behind doe-eyes, how many see through its disguise?
Burning itself into the minds it haunts
Is this really what we want?

Leading the life of hell
His story, you know it well
In death he''d finally be free
Could this be what it seems to be?