A Very Serious Public Announcement

Bob & Surly --- the backbone that keeps this meatpie together

Trevor: Do I really have to do this? It’s ridiculous…When did you write this anyway?

Surly: It’s ridiculous you stopped calling us by our names on this blog. We’ve put up with it since Peru. Not anymore. How would you feel if we just deleted your name from the team, huh? Without…you…I mean…ME, the MB&S team is just BS…no, wait…you know what I…F!

Bob: (laughing hysterically) You said….

Surly: Shut up, Bob…

Trevor: Look, I’m sorry guys, I had no idea it meant so much….

Surly: Too late blondie, the damage is done…right Bob?….

Bob: (laughing harder now) Blondie!

Trevor: I said I’m sorry….

Surly: Just read the statement.

Bob: (distracted by gravel in wheel, then in bad Brooklyn accent) Yeah, do it!

Trevor: Fine, I just don’t think anyone cares, people have their own lives, this site isn’t that…(Bob and Surly staring silently)…whatever…(clears throat) On behalf of Bob & Surly, an extremely important….

Trevor: (Continues reading)…would like the public to recognize their formal complaint against official spokesperson Trevor, alias M, in not recognizing their deserved recognition in this ambitious undertaking to pedal South America and not die. May it be duly striked….

Bob: (whispers to no one in particular) Strook?

Trevor: …onto the record that it was their two-third parts idea not just to get pizza that one night where we all talked about how crazy it was that Bolivians also ate pizza even though it’s an Italian invention but also to mention the whole South American bike thing idea in the first place,….

Bob & Surly: (slow knuckle bumps and head nods)

Trevor: …(confused puppy look directed at Bob)….thus, in all legal and lawsuit type situations, makes the very patent, if such patent should come into existence for the idea of a bike trip, duly their patent and any rights involving money or girls about said patent should go to them exclusivetively…Guys, that’s not even a word, this doesn’t make any sense…why are you doing this?

Surly: Just read.

Trevor: (shaking head)…We hold the fact, that Trevor, alias M, thinks the site to be exclusivetively his own, as evidenced by his nomenclature of his friends as “bike” and “trailer”, respectively….

Surly: F! (yelling to where Bob is jumping to knock oranges off a tree) You wrote us in backwards.

Trevor:…to be evidently selfish, unequal and a sad state of our union, that we too are endowed….

Bob: (laughs into mudguard while swatting a mosquito)

Trevor: …with certain alien rights that even our self-absorbed, self-proclaimed Creator cannot just make up on the spot whenever he wants, among them where we should ride, which rivers to bathe in, when it’s time for a juice break, and always making us sleep outside….C’mon, first of all, you love to sleep outside; second, you’re both just….

Bob: Watch yourself fool!

Trevor: …tired. And me too. Can we talk about this in the morning?

Surly: (punctuating each syllable with pouty lips) Fi-ni-sh…reading.

Trevor: …As reparations for our people we demand twenty push-ups on the spot, even in front of cute girls and toll booths, any time we, Bob & Surly, are referred to as “trailer” and “bike,” respectively or exclusiveitvely, which not only makes us seriously pissed but moreso saddened by our friend’s (Alias M) lack of respect and insensitivity toward our need to find meaning too in all this South American madness. Therefore, an apology shall be legally tendered as payment and push-ups will be enforced immediately beginning at the end of this sentence’s punctuation which will be concluded with a . now henceforth

Trevor: What? What does that even mean? . now henceforth? I don’t get it.

Surly: (yelling to where Bob licks an unknown tropical fruit) Bob, you forgot the period…(pause)…So what? So what? It’s the most important period of our lives, the period that transfers our heartbreak onto his conscience…(pause)…Jerk, yeah, you…I know we’re two-thirds of the team but sometimes…sometimes you just don’t listen…I know I could be more understanding…Yeah, I know…It’s just that it’s unclear when he should apologize and when his punishment begins without the period….

Trevor: Ohhh…oh (laughing then trying to conceal it)…yeah, ok, I get it. I accept your terms and would officially, on record, like to apologize for calling you Surly ‘bike’ and you Bob ‘trailer.’ It won’t happen again. Public, my readers, this whole incident is shameful. Guys, I’m truly sorry. Hugs?

Responses

I’d like to put together an averaged One Year Statistics Post (how many nights camping, average miles per day, etc), but it will involve some serious internet time so I’m not promising anything, at least nothing timely. Also, I’ll of course mark my one year on-the-road date with a special post about how enlightened I’ve become since leaving the routine (joke). Actually, I have no idea what I’ll write yet but if nothing else the photos will be pretty. I quit my job on May 15th of last year, but didn’t leave the United States until June 1st. June seems like a better anniversary date, no?

Yeah, Me’s ok. Completely sane even. To be honest I just wanted to write something silly to break up all the political/philosophical ideas that have been floating around my head. The conference in Cochabamba was pretty thick with heavy ideas. Bob & Surly could care less about politics and the world that takes itself too seriously—that’s why we’re friends. Also, people have asked to hear more about Bob & Surlys’ take on this trip. This strange post was just what came out when I sat down to try to get their voices on the site.

I think you’ve been out in the sun too long, been drinking some funky water, chewing too many coca leaves or perhaps it could be the constant altitude changes are getting to ya. Take a rest day huh, and try to talk to some “real” people… Not the kind made of rubber and lightweight polychromoly aluminium.

I think the fact that I’ve been speaking to so many real people lately, and maybe ignoring the team, is exactly what prompted Bob & Surly to make such a direct statement. Despite their cold, hard exteriors they’re very sensitive, you know. I appreciate your concern though. Been resting well in Santa Cruz, Bolivia at an incredibly interesting Indian-Pakistani-Muslim-Canadian Couchsurfer’s downtown studio apartment. Tuesday my Brazilian visa should be ready, then the crocodile- and anaconda-filled Pantanal. I’ll take lots of photos for you.