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Moving sucks. Packing, moving boxes around, cleaning… all that stuff is the worst.

UNLESS you can trick a band into doing it for you. Which I did.

Well, if the music thing doesn’t work out, at least they’ve got a future in the NBA.

Fortunately, that music thing is going just fine.

Their new album, White Paint is out today! You can grab it (and you really, really should) RIGHT HERE!

To taste it before you buy it, here’s their first single from the record, “Pick Me Up”… accompanied by a video that you should only watch in the company of a close and trusted friend, in a space that won’t freak you out and give you a bad trip.

Hollerado heads out on tour this March with Billy Talent, Sum 41 and Indian Handcrafts. For more, check out hollerado.com.

Lonesome George was the last Pinta Giant Tortoise. Ever. He lived on the Galapagos Islands.

This is Lonesome George

He died yesterday, after living for 30 years as the only individual surviving member of his species. He was estimated to be around 100 years old.

Coincidentally, Toronto band Hollerado had written a song about him for their as-yet unreleased album. Instead of waiting for the album, they decided to release the song, appropriately entitled “Lonesome George,” today, in tribute to the giant tortoise, who had become an icon for wildlife conservation. I’ll warn you now: it’s a tear-jerker.

The last time we caught up with Hollerado, we were in Reno, heading to San Francisco for the Noise Pop festival — the reason for the whole trip down south.

We left Reno after hanging around playing penny slots in the morning so someone would give us free bloody marys. (IT WORKED!) Then, we hit the road to California.

First stop in California: IN N OUT BURGER! I’d never been, so it was a pretty exciting occasion. We were in heaven. A heaven filled with burgers.

The Happiest Boys In The World

cheeseburger and animal-style fries

And in the In N Out parking lot, I saw my first palm tree of the trip!

We continued on to San Francisco. The drive in was stunning. The sun was setting as we drove across the bridge, and I tried to take a million pictures that didn’t do it justice at all… but here are a couple.

Just look at that traffic! It takes us a while to get into the city… we’re a little late, but we’re almost at the venue… and THEN…

It sucked. But we make it to the venue just in time. The boys play a great show. We survive San Francisco without any earthquakes.

To celebrate, we head to L.A., and then to my favourite place: Palm Springs! Stay tuned for the next entry, when you’ll see more of Hollerado than you ever could have dreamed… or possibly, wanted.

As soon as you cross the border from Utah into Nevada, there are casinos. We didn’t stop at them, though, because we had BIGGER ASPIRATIONS! No, no… not Vegas.

RENO! The BIGGEST LITTLE CITY IN THE WORLD!

See, it even says it right on the sign!

Hollerado played a show at a place called the Biggest Little City Club. The folks there were super rad, and let me shoot lots of confetti at their patrons.

Oh, and of course, they played this:

‘

When that was done, it was time to do exactly what you’re supposed to do when you’re in Reno- GAMBLE AWAY YOUR FORTUNE! We stayed at the beautiful El Dorado Hotel and Casino, where they have, among other things, valet service. While we waited for Nick to go find the valet, Jake, Dean and I made up a new game:

But we couldn’t spend all night playing “Combine All The Movies Denzel Washington Has Ever Starred In.” Especially not when there was blackjack, slot machines and roulette nearby. Not to mention, priceless art!

This really speaks to me.

Watch out for that floor!

Turned out Menno was the lucky one. After losing a bunch of money at the roulette table and subsequently going to bed, he told us that he got up again in the middle of the night, went back down and won it all back while we slumbered.

I was not as lucky.

These kitties did not share their glitter with me

But I did finally achieve my dream of playing blackjack in an actual casino. Something I’ve wanted to do since I was eight years old playing Leisure Suit Larry on my grandma’s computer. What’s that? You never played Leisure Suit Larry? Well. Here you go:

Totally appropriate for eight year olds, and grandmas.

Oh, and a guy at the blackjack table yelled at Menno, Dean and I for not being good at blackjack and ruining his game. That was pretty neat, too.

We leave Reno slightly richer and hit the road for the whole reason for this trip: California! Palm trees and paradise, coming soon…

I know, I know. You’ve been sitting at your computer refreshing my blog for three days waiting to find out what Dean lost.

Well, the WAIT IS OVER!

We all hopped in the Hollerado van in Wyoming and started on our way to Salt Lake City, Utah. Much like the Mormons once did when they were escaping persecution in the 1800s. Only with far fewer wives. And with a lot more alcohol in tow. And there are some other major differences, too. Okay. Mostly there are differences, but we WERE going West. So, there’s that.

We hit up a Whole Foods on our way – which was exciting for me, because they have a lot of free samples. Even more exciting? Seeing the Mormon Temple! So big! So white! So… TEMPLE-y!

whoa dude

But as big and white as that temple was, it was nowhere near as big and white as the salt flats that you drive through once you leave Salt Lake City. It was the perfect place to take some band photos.

And this… THIS…is where Dean lost his glasses. On the biggest, flattest expanse of white that any of us have ever seen. In the one place where you’d think it would be difficult to lose ANYTHING. A pair of black framed glasses are sitting out there, still, lonely and sad and salty. Also, Dean is now blind.

We think it probably happened during this:

or this…

Dean was kind of bummed out after, but in the immortal words of Homer Simpson: “He probably misses his old glasses.”

Bonus discovery: Menno can fly!

Menno can also play roulette really well, despite it being a game of chance. Learn more in the next installment… when we go to Reno!

Hollerado and I left Denver with the intention of hitting Salt Lake City by nighttime. See, Menno and I really wanted to take a look at the Mormon Temple there, because… well… you know. Mormons. They’re crazy.

But our plans were foiled by the weather in Wyoming. Snow! High wind warnings! Winding mountain roads! Possibly large monsters we couldn’t see but definitely may have been out there somewhere!*

(*Note: I slept through all of this.)

Nick saved us from swerving off the highway into snowy scary doom by driving like a champ, but we decided to stop early for safety’s sake. We stayed at a motel in Wyoming. Things got cuddly.

But, we had pulled up in the dark and had no idea what our surroundings looked like… until we woke up the next morning and saw THIS:

the beautiful Wyoming Coachman Inn

I got excited

And if you thought it couldn’t get more beautiful than the Coachman Inn, you were wrong. We left for Utah, and this is what we saw…

Turns out John Denver was not, in fact, full of shit.

Next stop: UTAH. Home of Mormons, a Whole Foods, and lots… and LOTS… of salt. Also… Dean loses something important. Stay tuned to find out what!