Your Blogging Staff

Contributing to this blog:
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.

April 30, 2005

THE RUNAWAY BRIDE

Without knowing anything specific about this situation, this blog would just like to say that if we were facing a giant wedding with 600 guests, 14 bridesmaids and 14 groomspersons, we would run away, too.

There (not they're) was a woman in Lethbridge, Alberta (that's in Canada... for now) that was on City Council. She took off from her family, and then when she was found in Vegas told everyone she had been (not bin) abducted in Montana (which (not witch) for the geographically challanged is only an hour away from Lethbridge). Anyways, two weeks later it came out that she made the whole thing up to get away from her family. Only in this case she was charged with some crime (mischief or obstruction of justice or something) was austrisized by the city, and booted off of city council. Then it came out that she was actually quite crazy. It was a very amusing story.

"Honey remember that time when we were going to get married and we invited all of Georgia, all of our relatives and friends were going to be our attendants and we rented out the Georgia Dome for the wedding? And then I got cold feet and ran away and the entire town looked for me, people took off work to hand out flyers, Mom was bawling her eyes off on national TV and you were negotiating having your polygraph taken? Remember that? Honey? You can let go of my throat now --- "

OK, so it may take a few years and they will probably be married to other people....

She was actually abducted by aliens working for the shadow government, and the "cold feet" story is a cover because she can't tell what REALLY happened. They convinced her that it's better to endure the humiliation that would result from the cover story than to allow what will happen to her family should she come clean and tell all.

I wonder if no one had really listened. Might be a situation where everyone else thought the sun rose and set with the guy; yet she had her doubts. But since everyone she knew thought so much of him, she must be crazy for thinking he's not the guy for her.

And, from some news stories, I beginning to wonder if the fiance might not be a little bit controlling.

But I may be reading too much into it and basing a lot on personal experience.

I'm sure all the Mark Lundsfords out there would LOVE to see her criminally charged for fabricating her bogus abduction story, causing a three day nationwide search for someone who wanted to duck out of dear old dad's party of the century. There goes a few hundred G's down the toilet. Her family and friends got pretty quiet after finding out the truth, didn't they?

I'm sure all the Mark Lundsfords out there would LOVE to see her criminally charged for fabricating her bogus abduction story, causing a three day nationwide search for someone who wanted to duck out of dear old dad's party of the century. There goes a few hundred G's down the toilet. Her family and friends got pretty quiet after finding out the truth, didn't they?

I'm sure all the Mark Lundsfords out there would LOVE to see her criminally charged for fabricating her bogus abduction story, causing a three day nationwide search for someone who wanted to duck out of dear old dad's party of the century. There goes a few hundred G's down the toilet. Her family and friends got pretty quiet after finding out the truth, didn't they?

Well, given the lady's bug eyed expression, maybe her Thyroid went into Overdrive, causing her THEN to invite 600 people to the gargantuan wedding from He**. Then she realizes the Groom is a Controlling Freak From He**, so she runs. Makes sense.....

14 Attendants on each side?? Are we sure they aren't Mafia... or that's right, there is no Mafia....

I got nervous enough with just my sis and my best friend as attendants, and only like 75 guests.As the reception had no booze, the guest were all gone by the time pictures were done!

Yeah,
Maybe she can hook up with the former LPGA Caddy who is suing a mairred female player for making him into "an unwitting sperm donor." Huh?

Anyway what's ridiculous is how CNN milked it for all it was worth. They had on a former FBI profilfer, a psychologist, a marriage expert. The only thing they didn't do is ask Pope Benedict what he thought.

So once-and-former hubby to be has got to be thanking God for showing him the truth before he jumped the broom with a psycho, huh?

a 600 person wedding is just a travesty, but not as much as the hell she put her parents and fiance through. what a diva! she didnt think people would look for her? she didnt think they would suspect her fiance of killing her? she doesnt watch enough court tv. this is a narcissist of the first order. she should be charged with something. i dont know what, but something. what a selfish jerk. i know, she was stressed out, blah,blah.... gimme a break. yeah she needs counseling, blah, blah. she needs a good talking to. the fbi do not fool around. hope she realizes she stepped in it, big. get her some prozac. instead of thank you notes, she will have to write big ole apology letters.

Now CNN has her 911 call about being abducted! She described things in graphic detail about the man who allegedly abducted her, and the woman who was with him and the blue van they took her in and the maroon jacket he was wearing.

DUHHHHHH! 600 guest, 28-person bridal party shindig called off by Julie Roberts wanna-be.

Yo Been There, so have I. I made the wrong decision, I married the wrong person (the first time). If I had listened to my heart, I would have been spared a lot of pain. Maybe her fiancee is Jason the ax murderer, but seems like he's the one who has been treated like a turd in this whole thing.

And can you believe that CNN is using that as it's LEAD STORY. Not the guys who got killed in Iraq, not the tourists that got blown up in Egypt, NAAAAAHHHHHHH. We've got to lead with some woman who freaks out over a wedding that would make "The Lion King" on Broadway look like a child's puppet show.

And yeah, U.O. the caddy used the word "unwitting," i.e., he did not know that that was what was going on. Frankly the doofus is lucky the golfer's husband didn't come after him with "mashie."

Hey Been There: She's running from herself and reality. All brides get stressed out...duh! Granted we don't invite 600 guests, but that's no reason for a 1,500 mile road trip and fantasy abduction. Your talking about an extremely immature 32-year-old narcissistic person with major mental problems...she needs to get therapy, grow up and face reality, not to mention apologize to everyone involved...

You don't need to know 600 people. Your grandparents, on both sides, invite 100 of their friends and co-workers, your parents invite 100 of their friends and co-workers, and they all bring a date/spouse.

Then your mom takes over the arrangements, because 'you couldn't possibly handle all this,' so that you have no control of the most important day of your life.

I understand why her parents closed the blinds. They raised her, without teaching her how to deal with life.

If she's unstable enough to bolt because of the pressure of a circus wedding, then I doubt she'd be stable enough to deal with a media circus at the airport.

Having dealt with runaways in the past, they don't think about what others will be going through. They are only focusing on the pressures inside of them and are desperate to escape, to get a respite away from the pressure, if only for a little bit. Consequences don't factor into their decisions because "Normal" thinking is beyond their capability. If they could think normally, they wouldn't be in that situation.

Yes, they think only of themselves, because at that point in time, that is all they are capable of.

There were probably tons of clues that were missed by those around her. 600 people on the guest list might have been the first clue.

Gee Wiz! I see where the article says that she is a nurse. How does a nurse that is suppose to have a stressful job not show up for her wedding. I would think that the wedding should of been a piece of cake. Well, I hope that they don't get married after all of this.

What's really discusting in ALL of this is the coverage from CNN who spent the entire day today milking this story for any (and I mean any) dirt they could possibly dig up in the name of news. The directors at CNN should be quarantined and made to listen again and again to their televised tripe. Come on CNN find something more beneficial to cover, AND know when it's time to pull the plug. I sure do!

How do the others like their new baby sister? (My youngest grandson has a baby brother arriving in July ... that'll be FUN!)

Sounds as if life is good for you ... I hesitate to mention my own personal connection with April 12 ... it's a little bit of a downer, but a famous day in American History ... the day FDR died ... one of my classmates was also born on that day, and that's how I always rememberd his birthday ... both events happened the same day ...

Yeah, 'niac ... what's the label we have for those inanities? I know there is one ... I even had a couple of examples in mind, but the TV commercial drove them away ...

My Best Man @ our wedding had a very small one as well ... I doubt there were more than 25-30 people there ... I was the only groomsman, behind his Best Man ... My own, on the other hand, was a little larger ... but "normal" for the time, without bordering on the excessive ... at least I thot so ...

Best line I heard that day:

My uncle only said one thing to me, all day. His wife [they had been married in late December, as were we] was a cake cutter, or something ... He looked across the table at me and said:

People told us we got married on the shortest day of the year, because it was the longest night of the year ...

I missed yours 'cuz I was not paying attention ... my mind musta been in knots ...

Good to see you got liberated from that zipper problem on the other thread ...

Speaking of which, and geezerhood ... my son was born on Ash Wednesday ... so I useta tell folks she gave up being pregnant for Lent ... I think he was about two years old tho, before it dawned on me ... hey, wait a minute!! She's not pregnant any more ... tonight's the night!!!

Ours is 12/20 ... pretty close to the actual "longest/shortest" ... but when Uncle John said it (with his dead-pan dour Scots delivery, and not even a hint of a smile) what could the doofus newlywed nephew reply?

I don't shop any more ... at least not around Christmas ... I've got it done beforehand ... if at all ... but you're correct, the crowds sorta cut down on the chances of having a quiet romantic dinner ...

Yeah, I hate to be the one casting the stones of stereotyping ... but she looks (in the pix I've seen) as if she's afflicted with that nasty virus of Krazy Glue on the eyelids ... which, if you think about it, is apropos ...

To quit being such a smart-a$$ for a few seconds ... p'haps I shouldn't be on this thread at all ... one of my daughters has a thyroid problem, and while she doesn't have the Barney Google eyes, before her medications were established at proper levels, her mood swings cost her a marriage ... just sayin' ...

... but at least she never ran away to Albuquerque or claimed to have been kidnapped ... and she went thru with the wedding that I paid for ... and my ex-son-in-law is still a nice guy, and Dad to my granddaughter ...

... so it WAS better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick ... all things considered ...

Imagine this: the *real* reason she bolted is because the guy is really, REALLY bad sex. She thought she could teach him some technique but to no avail. Now, on wedding day eve, she decides there is only one thing to do.

Now imagine this: how can you tell anyone the *real* reason for running without sounding petty, like a shrew, small-minded (pun intended) or worse?

Besides, did you guys see film footage of this dork? He could not have seemed less interested in finding his betroved. He DID seem as interesting as white bread, however.

I just checked one of my mailboxes, and there was a "returned mail ... DAEMON ..." thingy there ... mail undeliverable ... blah, blah, blah ...

WITH AN ATTACHMENT !!!

Only thing is, I never sent it ... especially to this "person" ... with the timing of the supposed sending, and the return, and all the other stuff ...

WHAT I THINK MAY HAVE HAPPENED ... (?)

I was scrolling old threads early this a.m. ... and there's one that has "Test" as it's only message, and some blog name ...

That word "Test" showed up in the returned mail bulletin ...

Could it be that simply by scrolling past such an item, it would pick up my email addy and then send me a Trojan Horse or some other such bad news item? (I did NOT even click on it ... only noticed it 'cuz it was last on a thread ...)

Sorry for being so computer dumb, but I get a little paranoid about crap like this, and many MANY of you out there are MUCH more knowledgeable than I am ...

Consider this a warning, if that's what it is ...

or ...

mebbe this honyok is just picking addys and then faking the rest, to get me to open an attachment ??? ... that I never sent !!!

I don't know jack about horses (trojan or otherwise), or viruses (at least, not the electronic ones). But it's hard to believe just scrolling past a link could get ya. If that's the case, we're all doomed!

I've gotten fake "undeliverable mail" messages before. Always just deleted them. But I've always been curious what happens if you open 'em, so be sure to let us know if you decide to take the plunge! (j/k!)

P.S. Anyone who uses the expression "better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick" is damn OK in my book. Probably fighting a losing battle with geezer-hood, like urs truly, but damn OK!

Well, I try not to be quite the dummy I pretend to be, and sometimes I'm not ... but it's always a near thing ...

That's sorta what I figgered ... yup, I delete 'em all, too ...

r.e. the "sharp stick" adage ... That's the one I use for polite company ... the other one is a little more objectionable, so it's usually gotta be pretty familiar company before it'll see the light of day ... (somewhat cleaned up [and all puns intended], it follows) ...:

that sure beats the ____ out of ________!

No, I decided I'd best not print it here ... if'n you want to read it, lemme know (not no, unless that means "NO" you don't wanna read it) and I'll email it to you ...

Yeah, the geezerhood banner may droop in the breeze from time to time, but folks like us hasta keep it flying, as leaders of our generation gap ... to coin a phrase or six ...

i'm glad i'm not alone thinking that she is a first-class creep. some of the christianoids in her town think she needs forgiveness. and i hope she doesnt have a thyroid condition. BUT, it just doesnt excuse this behavior. she needs to pay $$ for all the police and other expense.

I just saw the funniest commercial. It airs in Argentina, for air deodorizer.

Twe germs are sitting in liquid sludge, talking about something. (voices are gruff and deep and I couldn't understand) The voiceover announcer explains that these germs are the cause of bad odor. To demonstrate this, one of the germs "makes bubbles" in the sludge. LOL