Friday, March 16, 2007

A mothers role

Most teenagers these days usually have a sound knowledge of sex and sexuality. All parents belive that There is no more a need for the parents to teach the children about the means and ways of sex. This is completely wrong. As a psychologist i have done research for the past 7 years on teenagers behaviour towards sex and their sexual life. Although most teens show extremly good knowledge about sex, most of them are becoming infertile. This is attributed to the fear of mastubating and a fear of sex itself. This has been found in most indian teenagers who are not so sexually exposed. These teenagers,especially boys turn out to have great sexual urge which they are unabel to release naturally. Mastubation is the natural act of reliving the sexual urge which is quiet natural. But in our system of development, mastubation is thought to be a illicit act and teenagers who try it are shunned by parents. This is mainly due to ignorance and misconseptions about it. As a psychologist it becomes by duty to inform the parents who read this blog a few facts about mastubation.

mastubation is a natural process and is not an abnormal act

mastubation does not cause infertility by any ways

mastubation relaxes a male from becoming violent. Teenagers tend to get more aggressive when lacking adequate mastubation

mastubation causes proper secretion of hormones in post growth stages which is very essential for fertility of the person throughout their lives.

psychologically they get a better attitude towards sex rather than fear or disgust

the mere act of mastubating causes them to be in control of their emotions when they are confronted with sexual allure.IF they are lacking a basic sex knowledge,then curiosity will get the best of them.

Shocking as it may sound, about 78%of teens today are not aware of proper sex and the need for sex knowledge. They have a scarce attitude towards sexual life as if it is something to be ashamed of. When they grow up with such an attitude they tend to develop a subconscient inhibition to it, thereby in future they will suppress their body from accepting sex. NEarly 90 % infertility in men is caused by this. Although india's population is increasing day by day, the number of impotent men is also increasing.

It is now the duty of every mother to teach their children that mastubating is not something to be afraid of,nor to be disgusted about. A child feels closer to a mother than a father and hence only the mother should approach in this subject. when a mother teaches this subject the teenager will feel better about their development and will grow to trust the mother with whatever that happens in their mind. Most teenagers just want to talk their heart out with their mothers,yet they are held back by the age gap and also the dignity gap.

First of all a mother should know what to teach a son or daughter. If it is a daughter a mother can easily relate herself to her sexuality and teach her about her sexual developments. But when it comes to a male child then it becomes difficult. A male teenager will not like to discuss his sexuality with anyone,but it has been found that they will share it with only a female when probed. THis is the reason why a wife often wins over a husband after marriage from the mother. WHen a mother starts talking to her son as a person and more importantly as a male,rather than as a son,then he will communicate better with her.

a male sex organ undergoes a very unique cycle that many women donot know much about. At teenage times, the male sex organ tends to grow in size.at birth the penis is covered by a fore skin. This fore skin hinders the growth of the penis, and over a period of time the penis grows out of this fore skin.

IN the case of muslims and jews, this foreskin is cut{circumsized}. this is actually a healthy procedure.

The removal or stretching of the foreskin is essential for the teenagers penis development. if the foreskin is too small and tight,then it shows lack of mastubation nad will require continued massage of penis followed by mastubation. This condition ,if left untreated will lead to shorter penis and painful intercourse.

There's a fairly wide range of normal penis sizes - just as there is for every other body part. And just like other parts of the body, how a penis appears at different stages of a guy's life varies quite a bit. Growth in penis size is just one part of puberty, which also includes such changes as pubic hair development, testicular growth, muscle development, and a growth spurt. Late starters almost always catch up fine - they just reach full maturity a little later.

once the foreskin is properly stretched, then the penis will grow to maturity. But the testis will get activated and will require the male to mastubate for it to function sxponentially. HEnce by the age of 18, a male should be taught how to mastubate.

THis situation can be very tricky for a mother to approach to her son about.it is best to ask the son first about his life and fun activities and even health. THen it is best for the mother to break the news that she wants to do the testicular examination on him. This is an examination anyone can do,but no men will allow any doctor to do this,so it is best for the mother to do this.

The two testicles, or testes, are inside the scrotum. The testicles are the male reproductive organs that produce sperm and the male hormone testosterone. Each testicle is approximately the size and shape of a small egg. At the back of each testicle is the epididymis, a coiled tube that collects and stores sperm.The testicles develop within the abdomen of a male baby (fetus) and normally descend into the scrotum before or shortly after birth. A testicle that has not descended can increase the risk for testicular cancer.Testicular examinationA testicular examination includes a complete physical examination of the groin and genital organs (penis, scrotum, and testicles) by you. You should feel (palpate) the organs and examine them for the presence of lumps, swelling, shrinking (testicular atrophy), or other visual signs of an abnormality. A testicular examination can detect the causes of pain, inflammation, swelling, congenital abnormalities (such as an absent or undescended testicle), and lumps or masses that may indicate testicular cancer.An examination of the genitals is an important part of a routine physical examination for every boy and man, regardless of age. Male babies should also have their genitals examined for congenital abnormalities or an undescended testicle. An undescended testicle is more common in premature male babies than in full-term male babies.Regular testicular examination is recommended for men between the ages of 15 and 40 to detect testicular cancer in its early stages. Testicular cancer is one of the most common cancers in men younger than age 35. Many testicular cancers are first discovered by men themselves, or by their sex partners, as a lump or enlarged swollen testicle. In the early stages of testicular cancer, the lump, which may be about the size of a pea, usually is not painful. Testicular cancer found early and treated promptly has a very high cure rate.

IT is very likely that the person examined and the person examining will get sexually aroused. the penis is likely to become erect as in the picture. This is natural and it is anther oppourtunity for a mother to teach her son to mastubate and to lead a hygenic sexual habit.

A good physical examination is essential for the genitals and this is best done by mothers for several main reasons.

such examination will not be liked easily, but when a mother does this the adolescent feels secure

it creates a better bond between amother and son

the son will feel more relaxed with his mother after such discussions andwill hide no facts

the sex life of the teen will improve considerably and a fertile future will be assured for him.

please donot neglect this issue and spoil you child's future. THis is not a topic to be shy and conserved about. do post your replies on what your observations are. I will be posting more on mother son psychology

9 comments:

As a son with a great relationship with his mother, I disagree with the mother doing a examination on her son's penis and testies, after the age he starts bathing himself. She should explain to him how to do these checks and tell him reguarly to check, (even knock at the bathroom door as he is in the shower to remind the youth.) I can still remember being in the tub even when company was over mom would yell "don't forget to pull back your foreskin!" And i would. I was 9 when my foreskin was completely detached. If there was any cocern about my penis I would go to the doctor. I Would tell my mother and she would take me. Not an argument just my opinion on how a mother should deal with her son's penis development. I think a mother doing the exam would be to over protective and the youth would be "babied", thus not giving him the tools to mature himself, Old saying "Give a man a fish he eats for the day teach a man to fish he'll never go hungry." Ryan.

It is quite normal for a young boys or male teenagers to murmur against the established routine a mother to oversee her child`s mental and physical development and grow into a man. At that age a boy manifest aspiration for self-dependence and disposition. But at same time they are rather immature to understand the essence of the process, who come on. Usually children start puberty at age of 11 – 12 ears. At that age they are kids yet and are quite immature not only in my opinion, but according the moral norms and laws in most societies. The same societies and the laws concedes to the parent rights to decide instead of underage kids what is good and what is bad for their behavior, upbringing and health till reach maturity, whether that sometime that decisions may can`t be child`s fancy. That applies to a great extent when be speaking for physical development and health. Quite a lot of the children are rather bashful after reach puberty that it is most likely because of inconvenience or shame to keep silent or even to conceal eventual symptoms. A mother who keep an eye on her son`s development even after reach puberty unerring will notice every sign of abnormality in embryo. Moreover, large part of people around the world can`t live in perfect social environment with well organized and worked health services. Main part of the mental and physical development of those societies is loaded to the mother. Sometimes parents disregard some thoughts and wishes of their children in the interest of their proper behavior or health reason. In spite of that I agree with most of the conceptions of DR.SUCHITRA I think that masturbating a child by his mother independently of gender, age and reason to do that is quite inappropriate and may lead real trouble and problems with the law in most countries.

I'm currently 25 years old, and with my maturity has come the realization that we need not be ashamed or embarrassed of our bodies, in the event someone else is to observe us undressed, whether this person be male or female. I acknowledge however that I unfortunately did not have this perspective when I was of this age, and would have been caused to feel quite uncomfortable in the event my mother expressed interest in examining my genitals. My mother never made this request of me, therefore we encountered no conflict in this regard.

Perhaps some time near to when I turned twenty years of age (or perhaps two or three years earlier) I came to this realization (as I consider myself to be a logical person, with a desire to do that which I consider logical) that their is no rational reason to feel embarrassed in the event someone else (whether male or female) were to observe me in an undressed state, for we (in regard to our bodies) have no reason to feel ashamed. In my teen and preteen years I was not raised by my parents within the context of permissiveness in regard to my parent of the opposite sex observing me undressed. Due to this I did have an unfounded lack of tolerance for such observation of myself by a parent of the opposite sex. As a result of this upbringing, were my mother to have expressed interest in examining my genitals during my teenage years I likely would have objected. This irrational fear however, could potentially have been prevented if I were raised in a more optimal environment of greater permissiveness, so as to be more in accordance with my current philosophy of this matter. Had I been so raised within the context of more reasonable permissiveness in this regard, hopefully I would not have objected had my mother expressed interest in examining my genitals.

I understand young men, if not raised within the context of such reasonable permissiveness may feel uncomfortable with the prospect of their mother wishing to examine them in great detail. This unreasonable fear is hopefully preventable in young males by raising them within a more permissive context in which both the parent and child are not given the artificial (and perhaps unfortunate) misguided understanding that they are for some reason prohibited to change clothes or become undressed at any time within the presence of a parent of the opposite sex. Why have such an unnecessary fear preclude what may potentially be experiences of value that might otherwise have the potential to exist, with the likely possibility of having beneficial results?

I recall when I was in physical education in high school, I was one of the only ones who chose to shower following the physical education class. My graduation year was 2003. It is my belief the apparent lack of interest of other males in showering following physical activity was not due to shyness or uncomfortable ness with the prospect of others seeing but rather their preference to streamline their routine and to avoid spending additional time performing a task they did not consider to be sufficiently beneficial.

When seventeen and eighteen years of age, I had by this time recognized there is no rational cause to feel embarrassed with the prospect of others seeing me undressed, regardless of their gender. The established norms in my family however in regard to the established practices of not changing clothes or becoming undressed in the presence of a parent of the opposite sex continued however with my newfound perspective on this subject matter as this was the norm my parents had established in their raising of me, and such a change could have been awkward and would not have been of interest to them regardless. When I was nineteen or twenty I visited a female dermatologist who had a preference to examine most areas of the patient's body at the time of their first visit to her. I had no objection to this, and did not feel even the slightest bit of discomfort with this preference of her; I was in fact pleased to undress at her request, and to absorb the attention I was so afforded by her. I have no doubt, she has my best interests at heart...

At this time I do not object to the prospect of a mother wishing to examine her son's genitals or wishing to instruct on masturbation, and feel this can be potentially beneficial. It is important however that such examinations be conducted by the female with a great deal of respect and in a friendly and comforting manner. I feel it is important that children not be raised given the false understanding of the (nonexistent) need to feel embarrassed in regard to the physical aspects of their body, but rather should be educated to the contrary, and be made aware no shame or embarrassment in this regard are applicable. Children should be encouraged and guided to develop a level of comfortableness (and familiarity) with their physical attributes, and educated with the understanding everyone has a body (whether male or female) and that everyone shares similar attributes, which are no cause for embarrassment.

I would be interested to hear commentary from a mother to this regard, and am interested in knowing more about her feelings as are applicable to the subject matter of examining her male son, and any additional thoughts or insights she might have to this regard.

What they perceive to be the control aspect, as is relevant with their perception of you as the authority figure, is what they are likely to find objectionable. If you are able to otherwise eliminate the existence of this perception, you will make more progress. This is the aspect I likely would have found disturbing in the event my mother were to have expressed interest in giving me an examination within my teen years. Perhaps it was with what may have been what I perceived to be my transition to adulthood (around 17 or 18) that I became more reasonable in this regard, and parted with my previous unfounded (and unreasonable) fears of being uncomfortable with the exposure of my body. Eliminate the control perception and afford them the level of regard and freedom they deserve; in so doing you may succeed in eliminating unnecessary concerns and precipitate their transition to adulthood, a status during which they hopefully will not have such unnecessary fears. Do away with the unnecessary restrictions, and be sure to afford them the level of regard they deserve, and perhaps this shall contribute to the smoothness of your interactions with them, and possibly provide for a more preferable experience for you both.

I am not entirely comfortable with all of my earlier commentary, and wish to distance myself somewhat from it. I am afraid the subject matter presented at the introduction of this post may have more to do with one's interest gratification than anything else.

At the time of my earlier writing I was enjoying myself quite a bit in an artificially induced "fantasy land" state, made possible by a number of alcoholic drinks and perhaps another pleasure inducing substance. To you, the reader I make this acknowledgement.

A father checking the same daughter for breast cancer and giving her vaginal examinations will not be appropriate and the same applies here.

saying that the mother nurtures, so she should be allowed to do so, is so far off from the reality. There are so many cases of sexual abuse of sons by mothers. And this proposed incident is also a sexual abuse by mother of son. Over the period the son who was hesitating , he may accept it as normal, whereas mom may justify it to self in the name of that i am doing great parenting.But it is just plain paedophilia, an urge to satisfy the itch in her vagina.Sons also have modesty as daughters have. They need privacy after toddler phase and are gift of god, please take care of your sons and daughters , dont abuse them