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Saturday, November 27, 2010

There are so many things about the craziness of "Black Friday" tradition that Grandy just doesn't understand.

EXHIBIT A:

How many Buzz Lightyear Dolls do you need?

EXHIBIT B:What could the person in the BACK of this line possibly be hoping for??

EXHIBIT C:

This many people in any one place makes me anxious just to watch. I could never be there for SHOPPING!!

This year I heard people set up tents on WEDNESDAY and camped out. Seems to me they're missing out on the holiday spirit, but maybe there's something to this. They can tailgate with the other crazy people, and get to avoid the family fighting awkwardness.

At any rate, you won't find Grandy participating in any of this craziness. She brings enough craziness to the party by herself.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Grandy is pretty deficient in B12, so she supplements with an injection. The rule of thumb (or the prescription) says that Grandy should take a GINORMOUS needle amount every two weeks, via a garden hose for dispensing.

Grandy loves it when she can get the shots injected on a regular basis (aka as prescribed) but because of the size of the needle, she will not let FUBBY give her the shot. It scared her when over a year ago the pharmacist cringed when I mentioned the possibility of letting Fubby give me my injections.

Her: How were you going to administer the shot?Me: I take daily shots of insulin, I should be able to do this.Her: Oooohhh...no. Not with THIS needle. This needle is your every day variety "garden hose".Me: Huh?Her: My husband tried to give me a shot with this sized needle before, and he thought for sure he was playing darts.Me: Nevermind.

So, needless to say, Grandy finds others (in the nursing field) to administer the shot. Scheduling said shot administration was a horse of a different color. When I did see my girlfriends or my sister, I never had it with me. It got to a point where the shots were coming every 2 months, as opposed to every 2 weeks. My energy level was really suffering.

Grandy is trying to get better at this, and trusting more people to give me the shot (still no Fubby) while making it a point to get the shot. I think there's a noticeable difference in my energy level, considering I'm not taking the dose I need to get me OUT of the negative category.

One bad thing about the B12, and having friends administer it for you?

My friend came over at about 8:00 to give me my shot. It's now 2:00 AM, and Grandy is already writing a post for the day, because I CAN'T SLEEP!!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Grandy is off of work next week, but not before a week of LONG days, and LONG nights. Deadlines, meetings and reports all to be wrapped up by Friday, along with evening events I cannot escape.

All Grandy is really asking for, truly, is that she have no computer system issues. She is bowing to the IT Gods who can make this happen. HOWEVER...such is not the case this morning.

Grandy is going to need a little extra assistance in making it through this week (alive and out of prison). So, for once she is asking you to...PUSH THIS BUTTON!!

Go ahead...you know you want to. Push my RELAX button, and see if it helps me at all.

Don't you wish we had one of these on our keyboards for real? We could put it over in the 10-key section. Right next to the "RESTRAINT" button, the "WAKE UP" button, and the ever popular "FANTASIZE ABOUT BLOWING THINGS UP" button.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

So you have probably guessed that Grandy tends to wear her heart on her sleeve. There aren't many surprises from Grandy, when you want to know how she's feeling. My demeanor, or my words, will let you know how I'm feeling right away.

There are moments when Grandy wants to cry. It may not be because she's sad, necessarily. It may simply be when she's feeling overwhelmed, over-joyed, or just plain OVER-over. Regardless of how I'm feeling, sometimes these real moments just hit me.

Yesterday, my son and I are driving back from the bank. Grandy reminds him that now that football is over, he is REALLY going to have to focus on his grades. Really. REALLY-Really. (Wonder if he got the point).

Then the following conversation happened:

Him: Oh, by the way, the Principal came in to Biology on Friday and said she just hired a permanent substitute teacher for the class.Me: Why?Him: I guess that her husband has been fighting cancer for a while, and it's not looking good. Meaning...He's Dying.Me: THAT'S HORRIBLE!!!::Grandy's chest begins to feel heavy::Him: Yeah. She teaches two biology classes and an anatomy class. All the students got together and decided we would collect money to send him flowers and a card.::Totally choked up now::Me: ::fighting back tears:: Do you need money then?Him: No, I gave them all the money I had.Me: ::full on crying now::

Him: Oh yeah...but can I have some lunch money? Me: ::still crying...but nod my head::Him: Are you alright?Me: MmmHmmm...::tears gushing down face::Him: Should I have NOT told you?Me: No! Why would you ask that?Him: I just know that it's kinda something that hits so close to home for you.

DONE!! Crying...close to sobbing...Grandy is a mush pot.

This teacher is brilliant. She is young, vivacious, and married with two young children. The thought of her losing her husband at such a young age, and facing things on her own with the kids, saddened me.

I have a dear friend who is a teacher, brilliant, young, vivacious and married with two young children. She is battling a very aggressive form of breast cancer. This must have been what made me react the way I did. I couldn't figure out why I cried so much.

I tell another girlfriend about the episode, and she pretty much summed it up as any man would have, "Are you getting ready for your period?"

PERPETUALLY!! When emotion cannot be explained by any other means...blame the monthly visitor. All better now.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Grandy doesn't get a chance to read her little local paper very often. It comes in the mail every couple weeks and let's face it, Grandy isn't exactly up to speed on checking her mail and what collects in it.

As I was catching up on a couple issues today, I was reminded of the fact that although the paper only has 20 pages to it, there are at least 4 pages combined of ads, 4 pages of news (including focus spots on the local high school sports programs), it's always a great place to find a calendar of events, and then there are TONS of editorials.

Between letters to the editor, "columnist corners", and whatever else strikes these folks, it is pretty comical. You've got to love an angle from an old Legion Commander, and his thoughts on how the young folks should be doing things. Then there's the "other thoughts from the hill", where we have an old hippie promoting the legalizing of pot. Oh yeah, I live in a cool place.

What really struck me was this little outburst. It's not in the "Letters to the Editor" section, not in the Editorials, nor is it mixed in among all these "columnist" rantings. It was simply titled, Special Traffic Notice!, and it read:

Well, While traveling 60 mph on Foresthill Road the other day, a lady insanely ran out of passing lane trying to zoom around me. She had to go into the oncoming traffic lane to make it and then gave me the one finger wave for being in her way. Is this the Foresthill behavior we all want to display to the world? It is my observation that it is ALWAYS a well dressed woman attempting murder to save 3 minutes on the drive to the freeway. Husbands...could you please bring this subject up in your house before we all have to attend some woman's funeral?

Ok, again folks...THE SPEED LIMIT ON FORESTHILL ROAD IS 55 MPH!!...IS THAT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?

While the person that passed him is not THIS well dressed female, I find it amusing that he not only recognizes he was going 60 MPH in the section where the passing lane exists, thus not allowing her the opportunity to pass. He would also probably be the same individual that drives 40 mph where the speed limit is 55, and then guns it when we do have the opportunity to pass, so we cannot.

The irony that he thinks he is making a plea for our "safety" by asking our husbands to have a little chat with us is hysterical.

Just goes to show ya folks, we small town people can have our idiots in the media as well.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Grandy sits on several committees for large organizations, in her day job. She also participates on a personal level with many volunteer organizations too.

Between the corporate committees and the volunteer committees, which do you think Grandy struggles with the most? Yep...You guessed it...VOLUNTEER.

When you live in a small community, you tend to see the same parent involvement from one organization to the other. PTA, Scouts, 4H, you name it, it's all the same recycled parents. We try to do our part to make the most for our kids, and that is truly what it is for...the kids.

With some professional committees (still not necessarily "work" oriented) where you have people in the same industry that come together on a volunteer basis, to coordinate an event for other professionals. Common theme...throw the best conference ever, get people in the door, and let it shine. Getting all of these "professionals" on the same page, so see that they all have the same objective, is the biggest struggle.

Grandy is going to share a committee experience that was a pain in the ass challenging recently. Perhaps it might give you some perspective about the frustration some of us "outsiders with a sense of humor" are up against.

Committee #1: ALL MOMS, with a token spouse thrown in there but who never says a word. This has been my third meeting, and everybody has great things to contribute. Grandy looks around the room and realizes she has a new found respect for each of the board members, and the roles they've taken on, because there is just not enough hours in the day for Grandy to take on another leadership position. They all have a job to do, and they appear to do it well. My task, by being there, is to see where I can help take some of the pressure off them, and let them know there are those of us out there that want to SUPPORT them. Imagine my surprise when the following dialogue took place:

Committee: blah blah blah...snack bar...blah blah...can't make a decision until so and so is here...blah blah blah...harumph harumph...blah blah.Me: Can we not table this discussion, you (committee chair) find out the information you need, email the update to the committee and get their general concensus for a vote? It seems to me that you need some sort of decision before our next meeting.Chair: Well we tried email in the past, but there were too many decisions being made that not everybody knew about.Me: I understand how that could be a problem, but it seems to me that perhaps you could just utilize it for just this one issue?Chair: I see your point...but you wouldn't get to vote.Me: I didn't ask to vote, I was just trying to keep the meeting going.Chair: You don't get to vote.Me: ::BLINK...SMILE...CLINCHING TEETH...BLINK::Chair: You're not a board member, so you don't get to vote. We will have openings on the board next year. And you...(sizing me up and down) seem like you have some good thoughts. Yeah, you seem like a real "go getter". You could be on the board next year and get to vote then. But...THANKS FOR COMING!!Grandy smiled, looked at girlfriend sitting next to her who was smiling with a WTF look on her face, and watched the room commence back in to the same dialogue that started the conversation. Blah blah blah...snack bar...blah blah.

After about 3 minutes, Grandy turned back to girlfriend knowing our boys were now done with football practice and waiting in the car, and said "Want me to get us out of here?"

She smiles big, and nods.

Me: We're outta here. I need to get my son home, and he's sitting in the car waiting for us. Good luck with your snack bar, your email, and your vote. See ya!! ::SMILING::

As we walk out the door, Grandy turns to see the expressions on some other friends faces. One reaction looked like, "PLEASE TAKE ME WITH YOU", one was laughing, and the "CHAIR" was shocked.

What I hadn't realized at the time was that my friend, who had driven there with me and was sitting next to me, was denied a copy of the minutes from the last meeting and the agenda by the same "Chair" because she too was not a "board member". She also received the "THANKS FOR COMING" comment.

Really people...we were the only ones there willing to help among all the parents of the Freshman class. Why do you want to alienate them?

For the rest of the week, Grandy received 2 emails, 3 phone calls, and 2 stops in town at the market from individuals in that meeting (none of which were the "CHAIR") sayin, SO SORRY about the meeting, and PLEASE COME BACK.

To which Grandy smiled and responded with, "I'll be back...next year".Stay tuned for next week's issue of the COMMITTEE DEBACLE.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

In an effort to make sure Grandy doesn't run out of ideas to blog about, as she puts some WD-40 on the rusty writing joints, she knows she will need to utilize a couple memes to keep things fresh. Considering some of these readers are new to Grandy, it's a good learning opportunity...even for Grandy.

Staci, over at Just Bloggled, ran this meme the other day. The rule is you run a google search on "your name + needs". She had some interesting hits with her first name, they were pretty good. The thought of using my ever-popular first name for such a search was a bit overwhelming, so I of course decided to do a search of "Grandy + needs".

10) Grandy needs SPHERICAL BRANDING:Really? Grandy is a little afraid of what that is, and did not branch further into clarification of that.9) Grandy needs to sit:Well...DUH!!8) Grandy needs a day off: Several...MANY7) Grandy needs a real job: THIS Grandy understands that need...6) Grandy needs to be on the big stage, in the big apple:A lifetime ago, that was my big dream.5) Grandy needs a good dose of prozac:Now that must have been written specifically for THIS Grandy, who knows me in real life.4) Grandy needs to be GRANDER:I'm TRYING people!!3) Grandy needs a prophylactic: Well that's a bit personal...don't you think??2) Grandy needs ALL THE HELP SHE CAN GET:Absolutely!!!1) Grandy needs to take one for the team: Been there...done that...tell the team to STEP UP!!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Grandy learned a while back that there are websites out there where you can have a virtual makeover done for free. A friend and I had played with one site, while she was considering another hair style.

Tonight, Grandy had a little time on her hands and was looking like a drowned rat from the rain, so it was time to play with the makeover tool over at Cosmopolitan and see what they can do with the virtual celebrity makeovers.

Here is the picture Grandy started with:

Then she started playing.

The site allows you to pic a celebrity photo, and it digitally inserts your face into the look. I tried as best I could with the shading of the pics, but the lighting is only as good as it can be.

Can you guess whose look Grandy ripped off borrowed? Come on...Take a guess!

Here's the other look pilfered from this fun site:

On a great rainy afternoon, Grandy really could have been doing more laundry, housecleaning, working in general. But instead, while the boys watched TV all afternoon, Grandy played with herself...sorta. She played with her looks anyway.

Tell me if you can guess who the celebrities are. I bet you can't!! Not BOTH anyway.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

In looking at my blog track record, I see that today's post surpasses the posts I've put up in the last 2 months. Quickly gaining on the last 3 months.

As I spend some time revisiting some blogs I frequented from the beginning, I remember that this blogging thing is far more than just a hobby to express my thoughts, but it was a sense of community that I had established with other people all over the world.

We check in on each other, and witness life events with them. Good and bad...this blogging thing is a "community". Our kids grow older, our parents get sick, our lives are changed. We share this with OUR community.

Since blogging, I watched as one fine woman prepared for her wedding, and had her first child. I checked in on her today and her boy is getting big, and she is expecting child #2 soon.

Another blogger had been creating a diary of her son's first year. She had funny anecdotes about how she and her husband worked through the first year. I peaked in on her today, only to learn that in year number three, she and her husband are splitting. It breaks your heart.

As someone who connects with people on all levels, I'm reminded that the main reason I had stepped so far away from this blog, was because I was stepping back from opening up. No reason to do so, as I see that all my old community has not done the same.

So far, I'm grateful for NABLOPOMO, in that it's bringing me back "to the family", so to speak.

Thank you all, for still being around in one way or another. I'm making the rounds to say my hellos. :)

Friday, November 5, 2010

Apparently there is an unspoken code among the male population. There are things about the "guy" act that perplex me. My husband and my son...GOD LOVE THEM...they are one and the same.

Watching my son with his friends...they are the SAME WAY.

Junk ball? REALLY? Where is the fun in throwing a ball at another "guy's" junk FUN?

We women don't walk by each other, punch each other in the boobies, and say RIGHT ON!! We don't even think of such a thing. NOR do we think about hitting men in the balls (unless they really deserve it for something of course).

Why is it okay for "guys" to walk by each other and PUNCH EACH OTHER in the junk?

I will never understand why this is alright, or acceptable.

Don't EVEN get me started on the "MAN UP" code that tells a kid to ignore what a doctor says, in order to not be eliminated from the playoff game.

This conversation ACTUALLY took place tonight:

Fubby #2 (very close friend of mine, and this is his actual nickname): What the hell happened?Ty: Hurt my shoulder.#2: HOW? Were you goofing off in class?Ty: Not exactly, but was playing a game in class.#2: Why are you wearing the sling? What are you, a panzy?Ty: My MOM made me wear it.FUBBY: Why the hell did you listen to your mom? MAN UP KID!!

None of the "guys" knew I was standing right behind them.

I had to walk away. Fubby will hear about this later...but alas...I fought the MOM urge to kick the two FUBBYS in the junk myself.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

In the post script of Monday's post, Grandy mentioned she was on crack.

Wait...WRONG POST!!

No wait, I remember now.

You can probably tell that Grandy has been sucking slacking a bit in her frequency of blog posts. Writing has usually been a healthy way for Grandy to release her tension, frustration, silliness, and whatever other mood she's feeling. For about the last year, I have struggled with the expression. This blog is now 3 YEARS OLD, and I didn't even memorialize the blog-versary.

Well, soon after this blog began, I joined my first month of NaBloPoMo (which stands for National Blog Posting Month). You must post every day for the month of November. I think somewhere there's prizes, but I never worry about that (nor do I care). What that first round did for me was encourage me to just get out there and write. I'm excited to see what I come up with, but most excited to have something positive to focus on!!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Have you ever Googled your name? You should try it. Be sure you put a " and then another " outside your name, to eliminate the gazillion hits that have either your first or last name somewhere in the context. Imagine how many hits come up with the word "Mary" in them.

Good news for THIS Grandy is that there are only 2,140 hits when I Google my name. Most of them are NOT me. I have over 450 friends on Facebook, and quite the growing network on LinkedIn, but that doesn't mean that I want to find a ton of hits with my name associated with it out there in the universe.

When I Googled "Functional Shmunctional", I found about 3700 hits. Several of them related to some blog posts here, a couple were just straight this site. I liked the multiple hits that related to a fireplace. Really, what does "Functional Shmunctional" say about a fireplace anyway? That it "kinda works"?

What was interesting, was in the midst of those searches was another blog called Functional Shmunctional. ::blink blink:: HUH?

I went to the blog, and found that it appears to have been a student project of some sort. Even better...it was based on TECHNOLOGY. Oh WOW!! Somehow this blog, whose author struggles most days with all things technologically inclined, morphs my title with my nemesis...technology.

That. Is. CLASSIC!!!

I've gone over and left a little hello for my fellow Functionally Challenged blogger. But I must admit here...I've read several of the posts, and have NO IDEA what they are talking about. Maybe we should keep quiet about my trial second blog, "The Girly Anti-Geek". We don't want to scare them off completely, now do we?

So tell me...what is the best thing you find when you Google your name or your blog??

Monday, November 1, 2010

Yep!! That's my boy at HOMECOMING!! He took a very sweet girl, went to dinner with a group of friends, and had a great time. I hear a rumor he even DANCED!!

GOOD TIMES!!

p.s. Grandy has decided there has not been enough posts on here lately. To jump start her stupidity motivation, she has decided to participate in another round of NaBloPoMo. Let's do this!!! I make no promises for 30 days of "quality" content...but we always have FUN!!

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Grandy had a sad morning. She has a "friend" who is going through some things and decided to take it out on her this morning. Because Grandy is a sensitive shmuck, she fought the urge to take it personally, but quickly lost that battle.

As I sat there, eyes filling silently with tears, my son looked over at me. Without saying a word, he reached over, gave me a hug, stood up and walked out of the room. I thought to myself, "I am so blessed with him...HE is a good boy."

In that time, he returned to the room with his hands behind his back. He had a smile on his face.

I looked at him with a perplexed "what have you done" look. And he did it...again...as he did 12 years ago. He handed me one square of toilet paper.

He knows how I love the story about how he was not quite 3 and I was having a particularly difficult time. I sat there and cried, and he waddled his diaper butt down the hall. He came out with his hands behind his back then, and handed me the one square. "It okay Mama," he said.

This morning that same sweet boy, who towers a good 5 inches taller than me now, reached in and pulled me out of my moment of sadness, as he has done for so many years without even knowing.

Thank you, Tyler, for being one thing I have done right in this world. Thank you for being the boy where people stop me to tell me how truly good you are. Thank you for being the kind of boy who opens the door for the girl he likes. Thank you for being the boy that detects a change in your mom's voice, and instantly knows when there is something wrong. Thank you for being YOU!!

I am hard on you with your grades, because you CAN do so well. I may remind you of your manners because you CAN be good. I ride you to do your chores because you CAN do better. Frankly, you have yet to understand that I don't think there is anything you CANNOT do.

What I do not do enough is remind you how much I love you, how proud you make me feel, or how truly blessed I am to have you and call you MY SON.

I love you buddy!!This picture was taken only 3 years ago. We both look so different now, but it is still my favorite picture of US. It is the sweetness in this hug that reminds me of the sweetness in your heart.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Since the Grandy Wednesdays have been a bit more crazy (and I suppose it's not just Wednesdays), I've been remiss in sharing some funny tidbits that I've stumbled upon.

You may know that my dear husband (insert "bless his heart" comment here) has a nickname. The nickname I came up with for him is "FUBBY". He's always been HUBBY on this blog, but there are moments he is just a F***N HUBBY!!

Well, we have never gone this far in our disagreements...but I like the way these people think.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

We are almost two months into Freshman year of high school, and my son has lost his mind. Don't get me wrong, I am proud of him almost every day. He kinda does his chores, tries hard at boy scouts, and is not really studying.

Ok...Surely I jest.

He does have a very full class schedule, with difficult classes at the high school. He is very active with boy scouts. And of course there is football. SO MANY ADJUSTMENTS!!!

Usually by the end of summer, Fubby was teasing Ty about his brain becoming a puss bucket because he hasn't been "using" it during summer. I'm afraid somehow, part of that stuck.

Did you do your homework? - YesDid you get credit for your homework? - ::Shrug::

Where are your Spanish Flash Cards? - ::I sit and watch him literally pull out tiny squares of paper he had turned into flash cards::What are those? - Flash Cards!What does this one say? - ::Shrug::

How did your test go? - I think I did well.What was it on? - ::Shrug::

Can we reverse time?

How did my boy go from this...?

To THIS...?

Oh dear me!! He is a great and wonderful boy, and I thoroughly hanging out with him and his friends. I am fortunate that he and his friends even still want us around. Mind you I am hardly delusional that I don't know for a moment some of those times they want us around involves either a ride somewhere, or food of some sort, but we all have the MOST fun together.

However (and this is a note for my Lil' Man) at the rate of "adjustment" period we've facing with this High School thing, we will be lucky if either of us lives to see the day he sees his driver's permit. We still have a YEAR for that, and I don't count on my kidney or liver holding up that long at this rate.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Grandy has blessed this part of the world with many stories of blithering idiots. In fact, Grandy has even shared some "not-so-proud" moments she has executed. In fact, early on in this blogger's hobby, she shared this story with you all. *sigh*

It's a wonder anyone still puts up with Grandy, but I almost think people will wonder what they'll miss if they don't.

There have been opportunities to focus on those that are FAR smarter than this Grandy. Remember when we hosted the Sunday Stalker series? That was fun, and filled with MANY people with varying skills that far outweighed that of Grandy. I was truly humbled to learn of all the different people that stalk follow this site. As a matter of fact, the guilt sometimes really gets me when I have been remiss in keeping this site as active as I should. (It will get better people...really)

In the spirit of trying to highlight someone smart for a change (don't worry, there are no "People of Walmart" in this feature), Grandy would like to introduce you to Michael Day. Grandy has not personally met Michael Day herself...yet...but she feels like she knows him because she works with his beautiful sister-in-law. You can just tell that these are GOOD people...and Grandy digs that.

Michael Day is currently competing in the GE Ecomagination Challenge. He has come up with a Combined Cooling and Energy Storage invention that looks really top notch. Grandy is not the sharpest tool in the shed, and some of the analogies are a little lost on her, but you know it's not very often that we get on this site and say CHECK THIS OUT!!! But when someone so brilliant comes up with such a great idea...when that brilliant someone is in my Kevin Bacon 6-degrees of separation...and when I think there is a genuine chance for making a difference...Grandy will tell you to CHECK THIS OUT NOW!!

Michael is competing with other brilliant ideas all over the world. Grandy has brilliant readers all over the world. We could make this work folks!!

Let's CHECK THIS OUT and go VOTE for Michael!! If you do check it out, please stop by and let us know your thoughts. If you like his idea enough...please share it on your blog and link back to it. We would love to support your blog in this adventure as well.

Grandy will track how far this momentum can carry. It will be good to get back into the blogging community on a more regular basis any way. What better way to re-join the community than to tell two friends...and they tell two friends...and so on, and so on...

Monday, August 23, 2010

Today Grandy took a bold step in the office. She's prepared to take her career to that next level, and isn't going to let little petty insecure people try to manipulate her.

Step 1: Grandy participated in a great class that explained a lot last week. - WIN

Step 2: Grandy had some words with one of the more "seasoned" professionals (and when I say "seasoned" I definitely mean he has more salt mixed in with his pepper on the hair he has left). Rather than play the old Grandy, and curse him out, there was a diplomatic response and I walked away.

Step 3: Grandy followed up later in the week with same putz seasoned man via email and said, "Perhaps we should discuss this further".

Step 4: Grandy scheduled an appointment with said putz.

Step 5: Grandy met with same putz and had a frank discussion about his a-hole-ness. He tries to justify his actions by exclaiming that he's just an ass, and that's what I should be used to. I explained that although I'm quite familiar with his ass-ness, that was merely a character flaw as opposed to an excuse to treat people like crap.

Step 6: Grandy expresses her appreciation for agreeing to have the meeting. It's important to clear the air, if you're going to grow and be able to work together. I explained to him that now that we're both on the same page, I will feel far better the next time he acts like a turd and I have to tell him to F-OFF!!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I'm not sure what makes me laugh more when I see the pictures on People of WalMart, the pictures themselves, or the wonderful commentary. I recently sent one of those emails to a friend, and she could have sworn that I had written the comments on the pictures.

Now THAT my friends, is a huge compliment. These people are GREAT caption artists!

How the hell did the White Witch of Narnia come through the wardrobe?

Wisconsin

Oh wow that’s neat, JanSport came out with a new flesh colored fanny-pack….wait…wait a minute…hold on…that can’t be…is it really?…..OH MY DEAR GOD! Someone come and stab me in the neck so I’m distracted from this pain!

Monday, June 14, 2010

It's only Monday after returning to work from my glorious vacation, and yet Grandy already finds herself asking WTF.

While trying to wind down, and also trying to tune out the TV commercials, a commercial came on I hadn't clued in on before.

WHAT?

Learning in your pajamas?

I thought the FIRST commercial they drowned us with (that twit that sings the annoying song) was bad enough. Are they actually reaching the couch potato population and going to inspire them into an education?

Really???

I am all for online colleges...but REALLY? It's more fun to do a lot of things in your pajamas, but I'm not sure my degree decision was based on fuzzy slippers.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

As you read this, Grandy & the little man are off on a vacation to DC. Fubby couldn't come with us this time, and it's kinda feeling like it won't be the same.

I've taken business trips without him, and gone on weekends away with girlfriends, but I've never taken an actual "vacation" without him since we've been together.

It will be odd I think. Little man and I will have a great time, I'm sure. We get to travel with Mom, a Sister, and her family. Lots of pictures will be taken, lots of laughs will be shared, and lots of memories will be made.

Somehow I think though...it just won't be the same. If Fubby read my blog, I would put a little note here that said something like, "See you when we'll get back! We'll miss you!"

Sunday, June 6, 2010

So there's a new girl in Grandy's office. She's very cool, adventurous and fun. Adventurous folks don't exactly understand Grandy's phobias of things. GRANDY doesn't even understand some of her phobias.

A little while back, she's talking to someone about all the fun things she would like to do, or has already done.

"Scuba diving is my current passion right now," she says as the dialogue goes from one adventure to another.

Because Grandy is not the best swimmer in the world, she doesn't contribute to the conversation, but instead just keeps working.

Blah blah blah "hang gliding" blah blah.

Still silently working. Remember Grandy's fear of heights??

And then...

"SKYDIVING!"

To which the person she was having the discussion with must have even thought THAT was too much for her as she says, "Good luck with THAT."

"Oh come on!!""NOPE!"

Then cute new girl turns her attention to me, "Hey Grandy, wouldn't skydiving be on your bucket list?"

My reply...

"I'm afraid if I had to try skydiving, it would be on my KICK-THE-BUCKET list."

*silence*

Laughter ensues and Grandy dodges yet another bullet of awkwardness...kinda.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Yes...I know...it's been 2 weeks since Grandy has posted anything. Even longer since there's been a post of "substance". Oh well. No apologies from me (even to those friends who stalk me and remind me how much I suck for not spreading my words).

Sitting at the airport is always so much fun for me. I often sit and watch people and wonder what their story is.

Across from me, there is a 40-ish guy with a HIDEOUS Hawaiian shirt...halfway unbuttoned, with what looks like a shag carpet sticking out from his chest. My thought here is either...YOU MUST BE SINGLE...or...someone please take a Dyson to that thing!

Behind me there is a group of young ladies traveling together. They must be traveling on business because the conversation is cheerful, yet superficial. Some of the questions asked, "Are you still married?" is not something that true friends would have to ask each other. But seriously, do we ALL have to hear about all the remote locations each one got married at, and HOW WONDERFUL each one was? My guess...auditioning for the new reality series, "Housewives from the Hood".

Older couple traveling together. All I can say is C-U-T-E!! Their roles have probably not changed in 40 years together. He walks 10 feet ahead of her, with his eyes open. He spots two open seats next to each other and clears the way.

Older gentleman with the neck brace, cane, and a cast. Call me cynical....but PLEASE don't let this guy sit next to me. I do not need to hear about how it all happened. REALLY!!!

Oooohhh...this could be good readers. Imagine this with me, as I live it. Nice looking guy in a suit, visiting with beautiful blond who OBVIOUSLY wants to sit by herself. He's trying. He really is. I feel for the guy, but really want to lean over and say, "Excuse me? But she's just NOT that into you."

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Really? Has it been 2 weeks since Grandy showed her face (or shall I say her urinal) on this blog? My my my... Grandy must get better at such things. She has missed you all.

Grandy has been busy sounding like a broken record lately. I thought about posting an apology, but then...blech...why bother. You get it.

As I thought about what I might say in my apology post, I was reminded that I had some great words of sorrow from the dear folks at Hallmark. It's true, that there truly is a card for everything.

Check out these beautiful sentiments...

My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry!

Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be. But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.

Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go... Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good payOh yeah folks...THAT is a bad day at Hallmark. However, it's things like this that give Grandy good material...and great giggles.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

As I sit here, on a Sunday night dreading my week ahead of me with my job, I'm reminded of my many dear friends and colleagues out there that maybe don't have a job to go to tomorrow, or the next day, or even next week.

Grandy-land went through this struggle ourselves over the last year, and it's NOT fun. I didn't write about this at the time, because it was something so painfully close to my heart over the last year, that it wasn't until now that I could even express it.

Last year, on my birthday, my husband's truck broke. As an owner-operator truck driver, who works very hard to keep things moving on the road, it was devastating for him...and for us. After 10 months of struggles, he began a job working for someone, in a different field. It's not what he WANTS to do, but he does it to help the family.

Since that time, several of my friends have also lost their jobs. I have witnessed many bloggers struggle with their own battles of employement (or lack thereof) as well as their spouses. It's everywhere, and it's not something that is easy for me to talk about.

I KNOW...Grandy, at a loss for words? Wonder where I've been in the bloggy world lately?

Well, although our personal situation is going to get better, we have many friends who continue their struggle. And this blog post is for them. You are not forgotten. I know that you put your heart out there with every resume submission, every job interview, and with every call. It is crushing to not get the job.

Many of you became unemployed only because your position was eliminated, not because you were incapable of doing your job. And yet now you go to all these interviews with many others in the same boat.

What makes it harder for you?

The lack of response.The path of hope you go down, only to be headed off at the pass.The uncertainty of how long you can keep trying.The worse uncertainty of how long this will last.

Please know that those of us with the jobs have not forgotten or forsaken you. When layoffs happen, there is often a lot more work piled on those left behind, and nobody feels they can complain.

To my dear friend who inspried this post...know how much I want you to find something soon, and we are cheering for you. You're doing everything you can to stay positive. I get it.

Hang in there everybody. There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I can't control the economy, or even pretend I know what each of you is feeling, but I hope you know that there are those of us out there that "get it" and truly want the best for you.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Well, I have promised a friend I would write a "special" letter for him here, and I will do that tomorrow. Please stay tuned Bulldog...and bare with me.

Last two weeks have been crazy with work, taxes, work, scout crap, work, family stuff...and work. Right now I'm working on getting things caught up in my life, in my home, and on my blog. Grandy is rebounding folks.

In the meantime...this picture sort of metaphorically represents how things have been going in my life. But, as with anything else, through chaos comes order. Or something like that.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Several of you who know me through facebook know that the Little Man Grandy had a birthday on Friday.

He's FOURTEEN now.

What does this mean for Grandy?

Well, it means that I now overhear conversations between him and his friends that I REALLY never wanted to hear. Case in point...

Me: ::driving him and friends to a party::Him: Dude! You're not black? (ongoing joke with his friend)Friend: Well... only from the waste down.

...pause...

Me: ::giggling:: LA-LA-LA! NOT LISTENING!!

What else does it mean for Grandy?

It means that my boy is growing up, changing, every ding-dong-day!!

Other case in point...here is his picture from last year's birthday:

And here he is at Christmas:

He looks EVEN MORE different now!!

My handsome boy is turning in to such a young man. I get compliments from everyone I see about how sharp, courteous, and respectful he is. I'm so proud of him, in so many ways!! His nick-name is still Captain Half-Ass in Grandy-land because it takes him 3.2 tries to get his chores right. But we love him anyway.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Thank you for flying Mandarin Airlines. Please place your trays in the upright positions, and prepare for a take-off. Our flight today should take about 2 hours and 20 minutes, and the weather is beautiful. We're currently waiting for clearance from the tower to depart, but it appears we are stuck behind some rubber-neckers on the runway. While we wait, we're going to start our on-flight movie, Airplane. Due to the lighting, we're going to ask that everyone on the right side of the plane please close your blinds.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

We all get VERY busy at work. Grandy would like to confess that lately she has been blowing chunks big time slipping back into her old ways in the work-life balance arena. It always amuses me to see how people find little ways to cope with work stress.

So, when this email was sent to me at work, I glanced at it and saw the pictures attached, and OH-MY-GOOD-GRACIOUS!! They struck a funny bone. This guy gets an award for creativity, while at the same time gets a "weirdness" award for having all those dead flies around.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Grandy took little man Grandy to the orthopedic doctor on Friday. It appears my boy has a tear in his ACL in his right knee. Really? More surgery for the family? Poor little man.

While at the doctor, the doctor is explaining the process and what will happen next. Grandy interrupts him to explain that I have had 3 reconstructive knee surgeries, all surrounding my ACL and LCL. I've so been there...done that. I know every physical therapy exercise, every medical term associated with the procedure, and all the pain that my little man is in store for.

The doctor continues with his explanation for the follow up appointment next week, and suggests that "perhaps" Mr. Grandy would like to be there at the appointment. He explains to MY SON that often he gets calls after the fact from Dad's who say, "Yeah, my wife was in there but didn't understand all that you told her, so please explain it to me."

::blink blink::

Seriously? Did we transport back to 1960? Did I not JUST mention that I've been through this process 3 times??? The biggest "surgery" that Mr. Grandy has had involved the removal of his wisdom teeth (which he still, to this day, says was "major surgery"). Grandy has had more surgical procedures than she has fingers and toes, and you think that I'm not going to get what you're saying??

Little man's face went white because he just knew that I was going to go off. I did not, however, "go off" on the poor un-suspecting doctor.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Watching the Olympics this time around, I have been amazed by the athletisicm of these individuals. I love seeing the behind-the-scenes stories, and getting to know the person and family behind the goggles, or on the skates. With all the inspiring stories, it definitely inspires even the most athletic challenged to try and do "something".

Grandy has never skiid, never snow boarded, never even sledded in snow. I've played, walked, shoveled, ridden my quad, and of course even built a snow man, but because of all my knee surgeries I have never attempted to do those thins in fear of activating my medical plan.

Friday...this past Friday...Grandy decided it was time to try. There was a sponsored trip to Squaw Valley by one of our clients. All expenses, lessons, rentals, lift tickets, drinks, all paid for by someone else...who wouldn't want to go? I've gone before, but have hung out with the few that braved the weather by holding up the bar. This year, it would be different.

So...how did it go, you ask?

It was a beautiful day. It was snowing and raining, and there were all sorts of people everywhere. Grandy looked every bit the part of the professional snow boarder in her snow outfit, holding her rented board, and rocking her shades. THAT, fair reader, was the end of her skills.

Grandy invented a new olympic sport. I'm sure nobody has heard of it. NO ONE!!

Snow Butting.

Grandy went down the entire hill (oh yeah, because the guy teaching me didn't want to hike the 1/4 mile to the bunny slope so we were on a "blue diamond" hill) on her rear. Slid down. The entire way. On her BUTT!!!!!!!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Usually Grandy is so sarcastic every where she goes on this Blog. A lot of it is truly a defense mechanism, or perhaps a coping skill (that I continue to work on). There's been a lot going on in Grandy-Land lately, and Grandy has decided to take a moment and try to LET GO to some of it.

If you are unable to read this poem, it goes as follows...

The Knots Prayer

Dear God:

Please untie the knotsthat are in my mind,my heart and my life.Remove the have nots, the can nots and the do notsthat I have in my mind

Erase the will nots,may nots,might nots that may finda home in my heart.

Release me from the could nots,would nots andshould nots that obstruct my life.

And most of all,Dear God,I ask that you remove from my mind,my heart and my life all of the 'am nots'that I have allowed to hold me back,especially the thoughtthat I am not good enough.AMEN

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Sitting in the hospital, while waiting for a family member, can be an interesting ride. As you walk through the halls and make eye contact with people, you're not certain if you should give them a smile, or turn away.

Are they there celebrating the arrival of a new family member?

Are those tears you hear down the hall from relief, or from grief?

Are they nervously awaiting the results of a friends cancer surgery?

Perhaps it's just a routine knee surgery, or their cousin broke his leg jumping on a pogo stick. Either way, there tends to be more of a levity about them.

You never can tell what or why, but you don't necessarily want to pry. But over the course of a week you do start to see the same people. In the hallways, at the cafeteria, on the elevator, somehow without saying a word, you form a relationship with some of these people. The glances, the smiles, the look of I'm sorry, all represent the true depth of communication without words.

As my sister and I sat in the family waiting room, awaiting' Mom's 6 hour surgery, we sat among many different individuals. The conversations ranged from joking with each other (Grandy always gives the crowd something to giggle about when she trips over things...nothing like physical comedy to break the tension), to private internal updates on how they were holding up. If my sister and I had something personal to discuss, we had our eye communication, our whispers, and we even used our own quazi-sign-language, in an effort to be respectful of the others in the room.

In every crowd, there is someone who fails to recognize the social boundaries that should be observed. They fail to recognize that maybe people in the room want silence, maybe they don't want to be burdened with someone else's emotional drama, especially if they are dealing with enough on their own. Just because someone is sitting by themselves, does not mean that person is LONELY, it might just mean that they may want to...go figure...sit by themselves.

Enter "tweedle-dee". She sat in the room as we entered. You could tell she was coping with her nervous energy in her own way. She looked like she was spooled, anxious, and lost.

I had to leave my sister for a short time, and in my absence I received the following texts...

**Please hurry...the lady is sharing TOO MUCH INFORMATION.**Hello? I don't need to hear about her abortion and uterine scraping!! How much longer?**OMG!! Now her child molestation story is coming up!! HURRY UP AND COME BACK!!As much as I laughed at my sister for her text messages, and the discomfort she faced at this woman sharing so much information, I was surprised to learn that she wasn't sharing this information with just my twin. She was sharing it all with the entire room.

It made me feel a bit sad for the woman. I was not sad for her because these things happened to her, but rather the fact that she was feeling so vulnerable and exposed at that time that she felt she had to share all this very personal information in a room full of strangers. Sometimes stress and fear makes people act and react in ways that cannot be explained. Grief does strange things to people.

I only heard of the stories after the fact. When I returned to the room, she had already gone. I know that several people in this room were also uncomfortable with the open discussion. Nobody really understood who she was there to see.

I only hope it turned out alright for her, and whomever she was there for. Someone who lacks social boundaries to that extent already struggles with what to say in a crowd, and wants to fit in. Hopefully she finds a "fit", but maybe she finds it by saying less.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I would like to go on record by stating that I am NOT an IDIOT. Although you tried your darndest to call me one, and berate me like the bully that you are in your classic style, it is only BECAUSE of me that you are even recovering some of your money. There is no coverage under your commercial policy for the personal assistant that walked your dog, and I'm really sorry that karma kicked your ass she stole a significant amount of money from you.

Please know that I am doing everything within my power to try not to beat you with a bat help you with your current dilemma. I cannot do so, however, while you are being an asshole screaming at me, using profanity, or calling me names.

I am pleased that I was successful in saving your ass recovering some of your loss for you. However, it is unfortunate that you feel disappointed in the fact that I was honest and wouldn't lie for you perhaps did not recover your entire loss.

If there is anything more that I can do to keep you off my ass assist you, please don't hesitate to take a flying leap contact me.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Remember my post last week? The one that said Grandy was spending quality time with her niece and Mom in the hospital? Well, remember the posts a few weeks back that said Grandy was dealing with her own stupid stones issues?

Well the next day after that post, everything came to a head for Grandy. She called the doctor and got an appointment first thing. The little guy Grandy also had injured himself while snowboarding with the scouts on Saturday, and his knee was looking worse. So Grandy also called and got an appointment for him that afternoon.

Here's how the day transpired after that...

- Fubby (new nickname for Hubby for the last 10 months that stands for F-N Hubby) has to drive Grandy to the 10:00 doctor's appointment.- Pain so bad for Grandy that tears are coming down.- Doctor takes one look at Grandy and tells Fubby to get me to the hospital, they will do emergency surgery that afternoon.

"We stand a 50% chance of fixing it this time," the doctor says.

::blink blink::

"Ummm...what about that other 50%?" I ask."We'll worry about that after" he says, with a crazy look on his face as he speaks only to Fubby.

- Fubby drives Grandy to the Hospital, where nice people are waiting for me with pain meds. They all remembered me from my surgery 2 weeks ago...which helped.- Grandy calls the office (fully medicated) and tells everyone she won't be in for a few days.- Medications roll...Fubby leaves the hospital to go pick up Little Guy Grandy from school 20 miles away, so he can be back in time to see the doctor before surgery.- Fubby & Ty make it back just in time to meet the staff rushing me in.- Nite Nite Grandy- Fubby takes Ty to the doctor, where they send him for x-rays.- Grandy has sweet friend working recovery that day, taking very good care of her.- Fubby & Ty (now on crutches) return to hospital in time to meet Grandy on her way to her way to her room.

"WHAT? You're keeping her?" Fubby asks.

- Doctor shows Fubby & Ty the stones he removed. The largest of them is the size of Fubby's pinky tip. The smallest was the size of his finger nail.

"Nevermind." Fubby says.

Grandy proceeds to pass several more stones through the course of the next couple days and develops a new affection for morphine and norco and comes through with a smile. (On a side note, Grandy is hoping that she passed the last of the big ones last night).

- Several more appointments for Ty are sprinkled in over the next couple days because they're worried about a blood clot, among other things.

Needless to say, Fubby handled it all in stride. My pain, Ty's pain (which now looks to be a slight tear of the ACL), and all the fun that goes with it.

Thank goodness this week is behind us. Thank goodness the stones are out of me.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Grandy has been VERY busy spending some quality time with Mom and Niece lately, and hasn't had a chance to log in and blog. Albeit, that quality time was spent in the hospital with my lovely ladies, I am happy to report that both beauties are officially home...and so is Grandy.

While I've been gone, I got a little bit behind in both the blog and my personal email. While cleaning out my 238 personal emails, I noticed a pattern of SEVERAL "Anonymous" comments on random postings. Now, Grandy has several friends and family members that comment via the anonymous name, but they always leave something that lets me know it's them. These anonymous comments, however, were none of those.

Usually I will delete all spam bots' comments, but for some reason (maybe because I'm feeling like a b!tch) I've decided to make an example out of this one:

Good day, sun shines!There have were times of troubles when I felt unhappy missing knowledge about opportunities of getting high yields on investments. I was a dump and downright pessimistic person. I have never imagined that there weren't any need in big starting capital.Now, I'm happy and lucky , I begin to get real money. It gets down to choose a proper partner who utilizes your money in a right way - that is incorporate it in real deals, and shares the profit with me.You can get interested, if there are such firms? I'm obliged to answer the truth, YES, there are. Please get to know about one of them:.....(What...you didn't think I would give them double time for their blog did you?)

Ok...really? Where must I begin in critiquing your writing? If you REALLY want people to stop by your blog, you might consider just a couple things.

~ Proper English (it helps to know your audience)~ Proper Spelling (because they are not one in the same)~ Maybe consider (and this is just a thought) that you might post your comment on a site that remotely has anything to do with money or investing.

Once you realize you cannot meet these 3 things, whether you're human or not, Grandy asks that you please...PLEASE...reconsider additional comments on this blog.

Psst...every real person out there...let's subscribe to the comments and see if we get ANY spam comments. I'm sure they don't realize we're talking tot hem.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Grandy is pretty sure she has experienced all things embarassing, and was completely un-phased by any other antics that may cause her to blush. Friday...yes, this Friday...I continued in my journey to out-do even myself.

Grandy had a very good meeting with a long term banking client. We reviewed business, we laughed, we accomplished a lot.

When we were done, and realizing I would be stuck in traffic for some time, I asked to use the restroom. When done, I walked back out and my contact took my co-worker and I around to see the other officers of the bank. After exiting about the 3rd office in the 2nd story of the bank, my co-worker makes something like a squeeky noise.

What? - I asked her.

She doesn't speak, but instead she hurries up behind me and I feel a rustling in my long flowy skirt.

What? - I again asked her.

Then it clicked. She can't speak because she's laughing so hard. Then my contact at the bank realizes what's going on and begins laughing hysterically.

Yep! It happened!! Grandy had her long flowy skirt tucked into her leggings and her leopard print underwear was showing for all the world to see. My response?

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

WOW!!! It's been a while since Grandy has had 2 sticks to rub together for a brain time to sit down and write you all a post while NOT under the influence of pain meds.

I won't bore you with all the gory details, but I will confirm that it appears the stone is still there. Had a procedure last week, so the doctor could go and "get" the stone. Now we insert a lot of blah blah blah, stone was not in the bladder, yada yada, "NO WONDER YOU ARE HAVING SO MUCH PAIN", blah blah blah...it's lodged.

Now I have a pretty high threshold for pain, but even GRANDY has her limits. So...the fun continues. All the while, life goes on.

Over the last few days, I have noticed that perhaps I have not been myself. It appears that either the pain medication, the lack of being able to take it during the day so I can function in my job, or the dang pain itself is making Grandy a dull girl. I've had several meetings this week (and today is only Wednesday), and had to put my "game face" on. The only problem with that is, when I'm done...I'm DONE.

So while Grandy was in between meetings, had 20 minutes to accomplish 3 completely different tasks, while 4 people were stopping at her desk with different questions, her co-worker made the mistake of asking a question. It was not the question itself she was asking, but rather the fact that I had answered her question, and she had re-worded it 3 different times to see if she would get a different answer. THAT was an unfortunate incident.

This is a VERY sweet lady. She is actually very likeable. I felt short with her, but didn't mean to.

Woops!!

Maybe those warnings where you should NOT mix alcohol with the pain meds should be ignored from time to time. Maybe that would help?? Nahhhhhh...who needs more loopiness?

Sunday, January 10, 2010

I think it's safe to assume that when Grandy is out in public, the adventures never stop. It's sometimes a good thing when there are people around to witness the hilarity that ensues. And then there are times that...well...you almost wish that there were no witnesses, because when there are, you will NEVER live it down.

Case in point...Grandy's most recent adventure.

The scene: VERY fancy and elegant Dim Sum restaurant in San Francisco. My co-workers and I are sitting at a VIP table with the owner and her family. These are elegant and almost royal Asian women. They disply nothing short of class and grace. (Grandy is intimidated a bit by their presance but they are so gracious, they make you feel comfrotable.) It's lunchtime, and this restaurant is bussling with business. There's quite a bit of ambient noise.Daughter: Mary, are you "Adventurous"?Me: Sure! I'm game for anything! (of course I am)Daughter: Really? We have "Chicken Feed" (and she does the quotes with her fingers) on the menu. It's kind of a delicacy, but some people don't like it because they can't get past the texture.Me: Why? How bad can it be? Is the corn raw or something?Daughter: Are you up for trying it?Me: (Not one to refuse a challenge) Sure!Daughter: Mom! Mary's going to TRY the "Chicken Feed".Mother: REALLY?!? That is WONDERFUL!! Oh Mary, I do hope you like it. Me: Oh I'm sure it will be fine.Daughter - To the waitress: We're going to have an order of ::raise of the eyebrows:: "Chicken Feed". Waitress: Oooohhhh! Okay!!Me: Why did you do your eyebrows like that, when you said that?Daughter: Oh, it's just because I'm excited.Me: ::thinking to myself...what's the big deal? It has to be raw corn, maybe mixed with something::

The waitress returns with a silver platter, covered with a dome lid. There's a sense of excitement as she delivers it with flair and sets the platter in front of me on the table. My co-workers are smiling at me, seemingly impressed with what I'm about to do.The lid comes off...Grandy looks at it, puzzled. There's not a single piece of corn in this bowl. There's obviously enough for others around the table, but it looks like there are breaded things in this bowl. There are several, and it's hard to make out what it is. The waitress puts a piece on my plate. Me: ::thinking to myself:: That's odd, it almost looks like...Daughter: Well? What do you think?Me: IT'S A CHICKEN FOOT?Daughter: Yes, it's Chicken Feet! (She says proudly with a smile)

Mind you...this is the VERY first time Grandy has heard the word "FEET".

Daughter: What do you think?Mother: ::looking so proud:: It's a delicacy, and people really either love them or hate them.Me: ::staring at a single chicken foot on her plate, cooked in what looked like a thick terryaki sauce:: Ummm...You have to know that up until now, I thought you were talking about chicken FEED. With a "D".Daughter: You thought we were saying FEED?Me: Yes.

The entire table breaks out in laughter, simultaneously. My co-worker to my right has tears coming down, she's laughing so hard, as I find myself staring at a lone chicken foot on my plate. The Mother and Daughter are even graceful as they laugh hysterically at me, and the waitress puts a foot on each of their plates.Mother: ::gathering herself:: So? Will you still try it?Me: (Never one to disappoint. EMBARASS...but not disappoint) ::smiling:: Of Course!

The dang thing was slippery as all get out. I'm pretty good with chopsticks, but this foot kept slipping out and dropping. Now there's an audience watching for my reaction, and I can't get the dang thing in my mouth.

I take a bite...They're watching anxiously...Me: Not BAD!!Daughter: Really? Do you like it?Me: It's really not that bad. It is pretty much just skin and bones (spitting a bone into my napkin) but it just still...tastes like chicken.

Laughter.Me: Well, it's official!! Daughter: What's that?Me: Proof now that they use every part of the chicken.

Laughter.Co-worker: You are NOT going to live this down any time soon. Me: I figure as much.