Freinds with Benefits.

Just curious, How many of you have or have had a freind(s) with benifits? If so How did it end? Or how are you keeping things going? What ARE the unspoken rules of a FWB?
I've had my fair share but something always sours it to where either you only call eachother for hookups or the 'with benefits' just fades away compleetly allong with the Freind part as well:ugh .
I have a guy in mind and it's headed down that road to being FWB, Normaly I'd jump at the chance, 'No commitment?! Hell YEA!' But when the quesition came up "you aren't like, expecting a relationship are you?" It knocked me back a couple feet and made me start thinking 'well what DO I want?, and through that process I though 'well what would it matter if I DID expect something other than sex and freindship? Am I good enough to fuck and nothing more? Something wrong with needing more than just a good fuck?' And all of which questions lead me to consider if I should even be going back into the fuckbuddy scene.
If I do I'd want to go in actually knowing what i'm doing this time instead of going about it shot-in-the-dark like I was before, I want to be able to keep any emotion out of it and not hope or expect anything. Any advice or experience is apretiated from all the wise men and women of :sf :bow

ive had 3... and i'm in a serious relationship now and i prefer this over any of those meaningless hookups.. those 3 people are no longer friends either.. well.. on and off, mainly we get aggravated with each other more easily than with other friends, and then you get to thinking, i can't believe i slept with this person, and you just get more aggravated.. but idk, it was fun then, but i enjoy the relationship i'm in now.

It sounds like you need to decide if you really want in a relationship or not. Maybe it's time to hold out and just date a few guys letting them know you will not put out. The guy who sticks around would be more interested in "you" and not the sex. (but I'm sure it would be on his mind) (hey! we are guys!) lol. Good luck

Thanks Jag and Burt. I've been a mental mess since all that. This guy's just someone I wouldnt was to have a falling out with just because of sex. He's to good a friend. Who knows tho, maybe holding out could have better outcums than just living for the moment. And Lol I know guys will be guys and I dn't blame any of you for your mindframes *as silly, unrealistic and gutterminded as they may be** ^.~

I've had one. We actually ended up dating in the end. (still together 2 years later). But we were very clear with each other that all we wanted was sex, nothing was to be read into, and no jealousy allowed. Also, we always tried to see other people to not get attached.

I have had one friends with benefits relationship. Personally I would not do it again. The person was someone whom I knew for several years. We were platonic friends nothing else. Then her inerests turns to sex but she states she is not interested in a relationship other than just remaining friends. I thought to myself great and ideal. Over about a year it starts to get messy as she wants more than just being friends and I did not want anything else more than the FWB relationship. So I wind up ending it amicably because I could not see the relationship progressing any further.

The downfall to FWB relationship is that at some point one of the individuals involved starts developing deeper emotions and wants to take the relationship further. It is typically at that point where the relationship begins to sour and ends. Personally I would not see a FWB relationship lasting long and would feel FWB relationship at best is a short relationship.

Interesting, So really not many FWB ever does end on a good note. I'm usualy all for the no commitment thing, but i think i'd probably be the first one to start taking of things in a relationship if it ever hit a year ('spechialy with thig guy:/) so the advice and experinces help. Thanks again to everyone.

Gold Member

There, wisdom imparted, now ... it's time for you to make a choice. Ball's in your court lass. It sounds to me like you aren't exactly sure what you want, that that is a very dangerous kind of ignorance.

Gold Member

I've had one, and it lasted for a year or two. We had the rules, but none were "unspoken". We talked about it all before we started. She was in a sexless marriage and just wanted a little sex. We'd meet every couple months, usually for a couple days of hot sex. It ended when I met someone special (and that was one of the things we talked about ahead of time). I know she didn't really want it to end, but she was cool with it. Since the "someone special" moved in with me and knew about the relationship, she was a tiny bit jealous when the FWB would call just to chat, so we eventually broke off all contact.

I think most times if it started as a friendship, it is probably best to leave it as just that, rather than sexbuddies.
Most times it will only bring you pain later on, but sometimes just sometimes it can work, but its a big gamble.

Sometimes it can work, If you get the right combination, I had a freind once, that was my best freind for years, we both experimented, for a few months and decided we were better as freinds, and remain so to this day, although the experimenting was fun becuase at the time I implicitly trusted him., were both married now ( not to each other ), and never talk about it, it hasnt changed things at all