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When you do not know your way out, you ought to change something

This sentence certainly does not help anybody, I will therefore tell you something about my life.

I never used to worry about addiction, when I saw drunken women with children on the street, to me that was antisocial behavior.

The first time I noticed that I could not leave an open bottle untouched, I was 22 years old and married. That was pretty daft, when my husband and I had taken a weekend drink, that later on in bed I was thinking about the open bottle. Usually I got up again and emptied it. After some time, when my alcohol consumption was getting more and more, I mean during the week and after work, I had also got into a panic. I was prescribed tablets for the panic, but those make you addicted too. Everything worsened with alcohol consumption and taking tablets: eventually not only after but also during work, out and about and so on.

When I was 29 years old I had lost almost everything, my driving-license, my job, my children and I did not live in my own house any more. I had my life but I did not like it any more. After several tries with ICHTHYS and after being in a number of hospitals over the years, I felt that all of this ought to come to an end. I accepted help, no matter what initially fell by the wayside.

For the first time in my life I put myself under pressure by simple means. I thought that no matter what happened I would first stay clean for 100 days, no matter how terrible I felt. After one 100 days I told one of my groups that I was going to tag on a 0 to the 100. Well, 1000 days, only afterwards I realized that this meant more than three years and I felt almost like a prisoner in this decision. But it was good that I made this decision because I was sometimes having a very hard time. I always prayed for strength to endure it all. After one year things started improving little by little every month. I stayed in contact with ICHTHYS - this was and still is important for me.