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Cannot Predict Now

So… I spent the weekend en femme, which I don’t normally do.

Saturday I did some shopping and ended up getting lunch at the Nordstroms cafe, where I also go to lunch regularly, since it’s near work and it’s convenient when I need to run errands nearby. Both of the waitresses, who’ve seen me in guy-mode, complimented me on my hair color (auburn, whereas my natural color is blonde). Not if it was just a way for them to acknowledge that I looked a little… different… than usual, but since it was slow one of the waitresses stopped by to chat, and I said I was a bit like Bruce Jenner — except for the rich and famous part, and the planning to live full-time as a woman part.

Yesterday I had a really good burlesque class, learned a new way of doing “bumps,” which I’ve been having trouble with. Afterwards, the instructor and I were talking about another perfor mer who we both know, who’s a femmy gay guy who does gender-bendy burlesque. I mentioned that since I’m trans, I’m coming at burlesque from a different place — i.e. no last minute “gender reveal” that’s typical of the most of the gay men I’ve seen performing as women in burlesque. The instructor replied that she could immediately tell that I was “woman-identified” with a different sort of energy. Granted she may have been telling me what I wanted to hear but it was… nice.

This morning, I went to brunch at the new breakfast place that’s opened up, effectively outing myself. The waitress didn’t bat an eye, even though I’ve been there before in guy-mode. This afternoon, I had a nice conversation with my next-door neighbors. They know I do drag and have seen me in drag before, but this was sundress that clearly wasn’t drag with a “natural” looking face. And it wasn’t any big deal. Tonight, I just got back from a second date with a woman I know from both the burlesque and kink scenes. (We’ve got a third date planned for next weekend, so I suppose I should start pricing U-Hauls.) She has mostly met me as a woman, sees me as a woman, and says that she kind of has to remember that I’m also a guy.

All in all, a girl could used to that sort of life. Looking into the mirror, I saw a face that I’d rather see. And part of that exhilarates me, and part of it scares the hell out of me. And part of me wonders if living mostly as a woman outside work is a path that might work.

It was good in other ways, as far as logistics. Yeah, shaving everyday adds time in the morning, but OTOH, it also goes faster, since if I miss a spot one day, I’ll probably hit it the next; and the missed spot isn’t noticeable. I can do a 10-15 minutes face, so getting ready quickly is doable. Wearing hip pads all day is still a bit of pain — less the hip pads themselves as much as the shape wear to hold them in place — and I’m not really comfortable going without them, since I need the curves to balance out my shoulder. Though the sundress I was wearing today had a heavy enough fabric to keep its shape, and not wearing the pads felt really nice, if tremendously odd and naked.

Yeah I’m know it sounds all pink foggy, and that’s part of what makes me cautious about reading too much into it.