“unhappiness comes from giving up what you want most for what you want now.”

I went through my TODO list this morning, and marked only the absolute top priority ones, the ones that absolutely had to be done, and had deadlines. Then I printed only the ones that must be done within this next week: 51. And of those, 38 of them will probably take me more than 6 hours each. Commitment vs fear? Most vs now?What’re those folks even talking about?

I have a different theory,

…and it goes like this:

We all have, at any given time, a fair sized list of options in front of us. Maybe some of them are bad – that’s life sometimes, but at least there’s usually more than one option available to us, usually even more than one thing on our plate. Even at those times when we really hate all our options: at least we can find more than one, even if one of them is really bad. Sometimes we have lots of great options instead.

And then, as life goes, we choose one.

For the sake of argument, let’s say that this time we chose the very best-est topmost one on the list.

And what you just chose, in choosing this best one, is to not do the other ones.

Choosing the best thing on your list is called…

You’re a procrastinator. You’re a procrastinator because you chose to do something: and in doing that you put off all the other options. Yeah, you chose the very best-est,most-important-est,you-really-should-choose-this-one-est,this-will-really-make-you-happiest-est one on the list: super, and good for you! In choosing to do that instead of all your other options, you put them off. You chose not to do all the other things, and that makes you a procrastinator.

Let’s call that “good” procrastination. Of course there’s such a thing as bad procrastination also. What makes the difference? Easy: are you choosing what you want most? are you choosing your commitment? And by the way: What’s Sammy mean by “commitment” anyway?

Reset the Question:

Let’s go back to our list of options. I used some un-English words up there, like “best-est,” to describe something that is actually a little hard. It’s nice to say that it’s easy to prioritize our list, that it’s easy to know what goes on top – but sometimes it’s just plain really tough. In deciding, sometimes it’s easier to approach it from the other side: if I procrastinate this option, will it be good procrastination, or bad procrastination?

And I posit that there’s only one person that can answer that one: You.

I challenge you to start with 10 minutes. Be true for 10 minutes: procrastinate everything else on your list. If you like the results, try it for an hour – work your way up. If you’re like me, sometimes even 10 minutes can be a little uncomfortable.

Founder of enYouVen, Scott Larsen tries to use his background and experience to help make the world a significantly better place.

A few days ago we watched Maleficent again. In discussion afterwards, my sister brought up a pretty insightful point; paraphrasing, it went something like: “Maleficent’s hatred for Aurora was slowly destroyed by her hanging around her, helping her out, and in short: seeing her as a real person.” Indeed: it is much harder to treat people poorly the more we see them as real people.

People are not objects.

When we treat people as objects, we’re making a serious error. When we treat people as people instead, our regard for them improves and the way we treat them improves. What are some other instances of this, in the real lives of real people? Here’re a few candidates for discussion:

Politics: Nobody has to think hard to come up with examples they know personally of when people in power are treating other people more as pawns and objects than as people. Good never results from that.

Work: I highly recommend the management book “Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting out of the Box.” The crux of that book, in my words: Your management skills are way less important than how well you’re doing at treating co-workers as real people vs objects. People are remarkably astute at detecting the difference, and no amount of awesome management skills will overcome their perception that you’re treating them like objects. Conversely, when the detect you’re really treating them as real people, it takes a lot of bad management skills to overcome that 😉

Fantasy Worlds: video games, movies, comics, even books. As above, many of these are great, but there also exist many which incline us (even subtly) to treat other people as objects.

Pornography: Classic example of treating other people as objects. Studies abound showing that this has very negative effects on your social skills and on how well/poorly you treat people around you. The term “sex object” is insightful all by itself: don’t treat people (especially your spouse) as an object. People deserve to be treated as people.

So…

How do we treat other people more as people?

With some cues from Maleficent sprinkled in here:

hang out with them

laugh together with them

pay attention to them

do things that make them happy

find out what melts their butter (and what freezes it)

sacrifice for them

And most importantly: be conscious and aware of how you think of people and how you’re treating them. Look around you, at both your actions and your interactions, and pay attention. Look at the people in your life (physically around you, online, etc.) and brainstorm up some ways that you can treat them more like real people.

It’s astounding how quickly people will detect the change in you, and at how much it will mean to them. Give it a whirl, you’ll not regret it.

Founder of enYouVen, Scott Larsen tries to use his background and experience to help make the world a significantly better place.

A conversation this week reminded me of what I call the magnification principle. This was first introduced to me by something John Mauldin wrote many years ago, and since then I have come across a variety of research discussing it (with different names in different areas) and validating it. This is very relevant this week (being New Year’s, etc.), but is also very worth paying attention to throughout our lives. My version of the Magnification Principle is very similar to John’s:

“What we focus on gets larger.”

Notice that this is not “what we focus on appears larger” but instead indicates that it actually gets larger. Obviously if I focus on my mailbox, it won’t magically grow or anything. But I’m continually surprised at where this does apply. A few examples:

Research with subjects that want to lose weight: They were divided into two groups. One group focused on their weight, the other focused on their physical fitness. The latter succeeded hands down, while the first generally failed (and even many of them gained weight). What you focus on, increases (even if you’re focusing on reducing it).

Research on debt reduction: Again two groups, one focused on reducing their debt and the other focused on working towards financial freedom. Similar outcome: debt was reduced dramatically more in the second group.

If you focus on reducing something, you’re sabotaging yourself – because what you focus on increases.

It’s astounding (at least to me) how many places I see this principle in action. Finances, physical fitness, mental fitness, etc. but also it applies at meta level things: I once came across research (pre-internet) comparing race relations between cities that made a focused effort on reducing racism vs cities that celebrated the progress they’d made. Racism in the latter was dramatically improved, while in some of the former cities it was made worse. In Pittsburgh PA they’re working on improving bike-friendliness, and they’re making great strides. Their success is not because of more laws protecting bikers but because they’re focusing on their image of being a biker friendly city.

Are you focusing on some character weakness in your life? Try focusing on what you want to replace it with and see if that goes better.

Founder of enYouVen, Scott Larsen tries to use his background and experience to help make the world a significantly better place.

First off, I wanted to thank everyone for coming tonight; and especially thank those whom have made this evening possible; and the food’s been great, too. Thanks to those behind the scenes – it makes all the difference. It’s a tremendous honor to have been selected for this – this has always been a dream of mine, and while I am honored, it places me among people that I’ve always had the upmost respect for, and don’t feel worthy to stand near. Hopefully I’ll live up to the trust you’ve given me.

As apropo, and as per tradition, my speech this evening is on the topic of great speaking. I’ll do as expected.

Wise Men, and Jazz

The wise men have said: “Tell the audience what you’re going to say, say it, then tell them what you’ve said.” (Attributed to Dale Carnegie, but rumor’d to be as far back as Aristotle). So true to form, I’m going to begin by telling you about these wise men, what they say, and finally rehash what I’ve said. You’ll love it.

Not counting the wise guys I’ve met in Chicago, I actually met one of these wise men once. I was yak shaving, in Tibet, when we met. He was a nice enough guy, but what really stood out to me about that trip happened on the flight back: Miles Davis and I were on the plane together. This, is where our story really starts.

At the time, I’d been reading a book titled “The Philosophy of Jazz.” It was about the “contract” that all performers have between themselves and the audience – and the book discussed “jazz” as a dynamic back and forth balancing act in which that contract is redefined, renegotiated, broken, adjusted, etc. In most musical performances, each audience member comes with his/her own expectations. It is the job of musicians in general to establish and clarify the contract – get everyone on the same page – early on, and then to leave the audience well satisfied. But the jazz musician, after having established the contract, breaks it. The magic that separates the greats, is here: in the very careful breaking of the contract. The genius is displayed when masterfully working the interplay between:

The jazz audience comes in the door with very diverse expectations, and yet,

perhaps the only unifying expectation, is that they expect to be surprised (and they hope that it will be pleasant).

So in order to do a stellar job of doing the unexpected – which is expected – the jazz artist must first construct a contract that the entire audience actually wants, and sell it to them: He must convince the audience of a contact that they would actually be happy with, instead of their expectation. He needs to sell them something they didn’t really want when they walked in the door.

After selling them a contract, he breaks it. But the breaking must be brilliant, because one must leave the audience happier with the broken one than they believed they would have been with the one they were sold – and also not longing for their original one they walked in the door with. The great jazz musician is an indian-giver con-sales-man like you wouldn’t believe – constantly making a contract, selling it till the audience is begging for it, then breaking the contract and giving them something even better instead. Repeat – and leave them loving it all.

I discussed this at length with Miles, who was very interested indeed – and we had a great conversation. The part of that conversation that stood out the most though – and this, my friends, is the reason you came tonight, so listen up – was when he said

“If you hit a wrong note, it’s the next note that you play that determines if it’s good or bad.” (Attributed to Miles Davis).

This, is the kicker. It’s changed my life, and it’s why you came tonight (although the steak has indeed, been great).

Miles Changes my Life

You see, sometimes in life we hit the wrong notes. It’s just because we’re real people. I know I’ve hit my share of wrong notes, and in all honesty, I know a few other people that have too. For ages, yes decades and more, I’ve let the wrong notes in my life be that: wrong notes. And, sometimes they hurt. I don’t know if Miles ever blew a note that made someone’s ears bleed, but I’m sure my own notes have done that for sure. But what Miles told me on that plane ride is that it’s the next note that makes all the difference.

And the difference this has made in my life is immense. Bad notes happen – follow them up. Don’t get caught on them, don’t get stuck, and don’t drop the ball – follow them with the right note next, and you’ve made all the difference.

But there’s more. There’s a meta-level discussion that you’re having with yourself in life: you are your own audience – you establish contracts with yourself, and you break them. Sometimes the break is a good one, sometimes it’s just plain a bad note. But the current contract needs to be evaluated not just in context of that last bad note, but of the previous contracts and how they got play’d. We need to look at our interaction with ourself, and decide which next note makes our life truly magical. When we look at the layers and scales in our lives, we see bigger and better pictures, progressions, chords, and true music, and magical jazz.

And when we catch a glimpse of that, it helps us see the notes in the right place, tells us how to look at the note we just played, in context, and helps us know which note re-binds the contract we have, or makes a better contract. No note is so large, so loud, and so wrong, that it wrecks the whole night. Renegotiate, and change your vision, and make that next note genius.

Life: The Masterpiece

Like all art, great jazz comes from the framework of restrictions: working around, within, and without that framework. The jazz musician knows that mere random notes is not jazz – the audience must be sold a contract they can believe in, even the breaking of it is part of the contract, but it must be there in order to be broken. So must we. One does not make music of their life without a structure of expectations with one’s self. That structure, and trust in it, is essential. It’s very hard to master – but the key is here: If you hit a wrong note, it’s the next note that you play that determines if it’s good or bad.

You want to be a great speaker? Follow that recipe. Establish trust with your audience – never lie to them. Hit the wrong notes, because that’s life, and follow them up with genius. Renegotiate with your audience, renegotiate with yourself – catch a new vision, a greater vision, and sell it to everyone. It’s the next note that counts. Where will you go from here?
That, I claim, is the recipe for a truly great presentation. Yes, my friends, you didn’t know it when you came in, but this is what you came for tonight. Now go and make some jazz. Have a great night.

Founder of enYouVen, Scott Larsen tries to use his background and experience to help make the world a significantly better place.

There are many ways to learn new things, and each of them resonates differently for each of us. Here’s one method that has worked for me possibly better than any other – and it’s one that most of us rarely think about: teaching.

In grad school, my math professor said “I don’t feel like I really understand something until I can teach it to an 8 year old.” Does he routinely teach to 8 year olds? Nope. And am I regularly in a classic teaching environment? No. But that’s not what he was saying. What do you think he was saying instead? I wanna hear your ideas here….

I’ve found that one of the most powerful and effective ways for me to learn something is to prepare to teach the material to someone I know. Most of the time this is just done as a thought experiment: I don’t really teach them. But as I work through the material — how I would present it to them, how I would connect it to things they already know, what questions I could draw from them, what questions and answers they might ask (and how I would respond), etc. — that’s how I really get to know the material well. And that’s one of the best ways I’ve found to learn such material.

Think of the next thing you’re likely to learn about, or the next thing you’d like to learn about. As you go about learning it, ask yourself if there’s someone you’d like to teach it to (even if just in your head)? How would you teach them? Try this experiment, and let us know how it goes for you. Teach to learn.

I’m offering you your money back guarantee that it you’ll learn better if you try that. Take me up on it!

Founder of enYouVen, Scott Larsen tries to use his background and experience to help make the world a significantly better place.

They’ve always said “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right” and that connects with me. But G. K. Chesterton writes “If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.” This also, resonates with me. The latter is not an excuse for slacking, not even remotely. It’s a point that we shouldn’t let perfectionism stop us from trying, from doing in the first place things worth doing.

There are areas of my life where I’ve been very glad that I’ve “done it right.” And there are times when I wish I’d done a better job of doing them badly instead of not at all. I propose that both quotes have value, and that there’s a time and place for each. But that introduces a tension sometimes: which is more applicable for this specific thing in front of me?

It seems the more experience I have dealing with that question (and I have a stack of experience with it), the less I think I know about it. I’m looking for suggestions on this one 🙂 ….

Ever notice that you just did something that’s a little unusual for you to do? Sometimes there are hidden reasons.

Part of trying to live an intelligent life is paying attention to our lives. And sometimes other people see things about us better and sooner than we do.

Yea, let’s buy some Jazz!

Here’s an example from years past:

I came home one day to find my wife giving me a puzzled look. She then asked if there was anything weird going on in my life, and how I was feeling. I couldn’t think of anything, and asked why she thought something might be up. “Because you just bought 15 CDs, and you rarely buy CDs, let along tons of them.” Interesting. Still, I couldn’t figure out why or what was up. Roughly a year later it happened again, and then again a few months after that. By the third time, she’d figured it out and so she clued me in: “You’re feeling stress from our finances and your response is to try to convince yourself that you have plenty of money.”

The next time I found myself standing in line to purchase a stack of CDs, I stopped, looked at myself, and realized she was totally right. Since then, whenever I’ve found myself about to binge-buy something, I smile because I know why, put the stuff back, and walk out knowing that I just outsmarted myself and I just made a great decision.

… until last week.

Last week I found myself standing at a checkout counter with a bunch of gifts for my wife. I reflected on our finances, but couldn’t think of why there would be stress there. So, I went home and asked my wife: “Ok, what’s up in my life now?” She informed me that those specific gifts were things that she actually needed and that she was glad I was paying attention enough to get them for her. Yay, good for me!

Reading is Hard

Our own lives are not always trivial to read. We’re not really great “unbiased observers with no emotional attachment” when it comes to paying attention to ourselves and reading how we’re doing. Sometimes we can see little flags, if we’re paying attention, and sometimes those can help us to make adjustments. Look for those when you do something that’s a little unusual for you to do. Pay attention to the surroundings at those times, and look for patterns. And it’s hard to understate the value of a good friend.

I don’t know how to read my life very well. What methods do you suggest? What’ve your experiences been? Do you know someone that does a great job of paying attention to their life?

Blaise Pascal has an analogy for ignorance, presented with a circle: what he knows is inside the circle, what he doesn’t know is outside the circle — and the more he learns then the more he realizes that he doesn’t know (because the perimeter of the circle gets bigger). As his circle grows, the more he discovers and recognizes that he doesn’t know.

For me, the circle is more like a living amoeba: some things I have to relearn a few times, some things I forget, I’m always hungry, and perhaps I cause some people a little indigestion sometimes. But the circle’s a good enough analogy for today, so let’s stick with that.

On the surface, the analogy is simple. But just under the hood are a few important points we should not miss:

Sometimes people who know very little (tiny circles) have no idea how ignorant they really are. I think we’ve all met this person, the one that always talks like they know stuff and yet everyone else knows that this person is clueless. But, almost by definition, it’s hard for us to see to what extent we are that person.

People who know a lot are people who are very aware of how much they do not know. The connection here is a lot stronger then first appears: Humility is a key element of learning. To learn, we must respect the truth and we must recognize and respect our lack of knowledge. People who think they know already, don’t learn.

and now I’ll talk about Fertility?

When I started my PhD, everything I read about this one relatively new and fertile research area was exciting, cool, and powerful. I decided to make this my area of research, become an expert in the area, contribute to the field and expand the body of knowledge in this area. I did: published a fair bit, contributed, got my PhD, etc. Yay!

But towards the end of the experience I learned something: to those in the know, “a fertile field” is code for “there may be lots of weeds.” When I first entered that field, everything I read was great. By the time I left, I recognized most of it as weak and at least somewhat erroneous. I had learned more, and as a consequence I realized that my original impressions were somewhat a function of being naive and ignorant.

I was reminded of this just this last week: I started reading and researching a new topic that I’ve been interested in and wanted to research for some time. As I did so, I was impressed that all the material I came across was so good and exciting etc. And yet this time a little red flag went off in my head: “that probably means you’re ignorant – I’ll bet most of what these folks are saying is rubbish and you’re just too ignorant to be able to sort it out.” Little flags like that make me smile.

Flagging my Ignorance

A really powerful and tremendous asset is the ability to distinguish between what we know and what we just think we know. But, only knowing what’s inside our circle, that can be a tough call to make. So, we should look for little red flags to help clue us in. So here are two of my personal flags:

When you think you know it all, you definitely don’t (small circle syndrome).

If you think everything that everyone’s saying on the topic is right, then you probably have no clue.

So here’s the question: what are flags for you? What are flags that help you identify and distinguish between things you really know and things you think you know but maybe don’t?

Founder of enYouVen, Scott Larsen tries to use his background and experience to help make the world a significantly better place.

Ever thought much about what language your intelligence is made of? I sure haven’t. Someone pointed me to this little curiosity a few days ago, and I’ve been thinking about it since. While the author states matter-of-fact-ly a few points that I’m not sure I buy, there’s still some rich food for thought buried in there. Executive Summary: the languages we know and use are the languages that our experiences get formulated into, our creativity comes out in, and after a while result in us being shaped by the language we use. Interesting thought.

I don’t know French

I have good friends whom have learned various other languages, and I’ve always been a little jealous. I took some French as a youngster, but honestly: my jealousy was not enough of a motivation for me to learn a new language. So, am I missing out? Yea, probably. But I think that article just tips on an iceberg much bigger than it intimated, and there’s a much bigger piece here. There are more languages than just spoken languages, and yes indeed, the languages we use shape our intelligence.

When I was working on my PhD, my advisor kept trying to get me to write more, “it helps you formulate your thinking.” He’s right, and I’m glad I listened to him. While I think I’m a decent writer, I’d really like to write more and improve it. The primary reason is: I want to better formulate my thoughts. But let’s leave spoken/written languages there and go somewhere else (comparable, but still else).

I know a handful of programming languages. Have they shaped my thinking and who I am? I’d never thought to ask the question until I read that article, but as soon as I’d asked it I knew the answer: Yes, for sure. The time I spent in Prolog while in high school totally reshaped the way I thought about problem solving. The first time I sat down and learned a functional programming language (e.g. Lisp or Scheme at the time) it totally changed the way I thought about things – and not just computing problems, but things around me and the workings of the universe around me.

Is Math even a language?

“What’s the purpose of learning Math?” my elementary aged children ask me. The answer is very well put in math with bad drawings:

[Math] teaches how to solve problems through abstraction. You learn how to spot good puzzles; how to frame them; how to uncover patterns, to advance by logical steps, and to strain towards higher levels of generality, until the problem at hand becomes as simple and automatic as tying your shoes. It teaches the superpower of logical, abstract thinking.

Well, now I have another answer: because it shapes who I am. The language of Math shapes how I perceive, how I create, and how I understand. Programming languages do that too. And so does Photography, English, and walking in the woods on a snowy evening. My closest friends know that Math shapes how I interact with religion. Other friends have seen how my computer program debugging skills come to full demonstration when I encounter a news article. The formulations in which information and experiences enter my existence, and the formulations of my interactions with the universe, those are what we’re talking about here. And they very strongly influence me, my intelligence, and the very nature of who I am.

But now I realize that I know even more languages than that. The French like the “language of love” and that’s great. There are also languages of interpersonal communication. Yea, body language, the eyes, etc. Yep. Learning to read people is such a tremendous skill. Learning to speak “people” is a ninja skill I wish I had more of. The photographer speaks, the poet sees, the musician connects. I’m in love with these languages, but there are too many languages for me to be able to master in a lifetime. Still, the reality remains: my intelligence is a function of the languages I know and use.

What are some other languages that shape our intelligence? Should some be prioritized above others?

Founder of enYouVen, Scott Larsen tries to use his background and experience to help make the world a significantly better place.

enYouVen: like “enlighten” or “enliven”

— except all about You.

We’re billing this blog as: “The Intelligent Life: a Practical Study.” So obviously: “well what does that mean?” – so let’s start there. We as humans are more intelligent than rocks will ever be – there’s something about being us, something distinguishing, and I’m calling that something: “intelligence.” I want more of it. But I suspect that what I think it looks like in my life is different than what you think it looks like in your life. So today we’re talking about me, intelligence, enYouVen, and you.

Building the intelligent life starts with what you’ve got.

Would I consider myself an intelligent person? Sure, but I also sure wish I had more of it and applied it better. I’m living a somewhat intelligent life – and I want to live a more intelligent life. I’m going to accomplish that by learning from others, studying, seeking, and looking anywhere I can find more truth and understanding. But also crucial: I need to figure out how to incorporate it into my life. This is a practical study. This blog is for anyone wanting to live a more intelligent life, or live their life more intelligently (those two aren’t quite the same thing).

In the end though, this blog will probably carry some of my own flavors. So then: who am I?

I hope you’ll find me open and willing to have serious discussions about anything brought up here – I promise to do my best. I’m no classic business PR person (obviously I use unconventional grammatical constructions sometimes, and I’m not afraid to hit on curious topics, and I’m always going to write “being myself” in my own “voice”). What you’re going to get on this blog is me, the real me. You’ll also see me trying to become a better me, and you’ll see others here doing the same, and hopefully you’ll join us.

What’s a better me look like? What’s a more intelligent me look like? And what do I look like when I’m living more intelligently? Obviously (though perhaps incorrectly, we’ll discuss that one soon also), this starts with: who is this “me” we’re talking about? For starters:

I prioritize how I spend my time in a way that aligns with my priorties

I’m happy, confident, at peace with myself, etc.

… and so on.

Except of course: I’m not.

Those are actually a few of the pieces of someone that I sometimes like to think that I am. But I’m not nearly as awesome as all that (and there are days when it’s all too painfully clear).

Some of those points about myself are kinda generic (e.g. many people want to be happy), but in reality, my internal picture of the best me is a picture that’s very personal. Both personal because it’s intimately a part of me, and personal because it’s shaped by my own experiences and personal uniqueness. Seque enYouVen: like “enlighten” or “enliven” — except all about You. Putting more of you, into you. We aim to better enable you to become the best you — as defined by you.

My vision of me is different from your vision of you, and should be. Each of us should have a unique picture of our best self, and it’s ok for that picture to be personal. enYouVen is about supporting you in your quest to be your best you. You’ll see we have a lot of great tools up our sleeves (and coming down the pike) that we hope you’ll find to be your go-to toolbox. Hammers, wrenches, glue guns, bobby pins, etc. All just tools. Use them in ways they weren’t intended. Use them for your life, to make your life The Intelligent Life, for real.