The Power in the way we Think

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Have you ever had a hard conversation with someone? Have you found prospect of having one of these conversations confronting, nerve-wracking and even downright scary?

This TED talk by Ash Beckham gives a unique perspective on the prospect of having those hard conversations. She specifically refers to the “gay/lesbian” version of coming out of the closet, but it equally applies to any difficult conversation you need to have with someone in your life.

Sex. Kids skipping school. Betrayal. Family conflict. Work conflict. Whatever it is that you need to talk about, Ash takes you through 3 really simple suggestions to bring yourself through that conversation with grace and class.

When you feel like you’ve never (or rarely) been heard, you can easily experience the urge to be aggressive and snap at people. But if you can make a plan of what you want to say, know why you want to say it, and go in with authenticity and directness, you have nothing to apologise for. At the end of the day, you deserve to be heard. You have value. You deserve to be respected and treated well. And to receive that from other people, we first need to give it to ourselves.

So, speak your truth, and know that when you are being honest and speak from your heart, you will experience a sense of freedom that is unrivaled by anything else on the planet.

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I was invited to watch a youtube video today and was inspired to share it, along with my thoughts. It is called “The Art of Asking” and describes one artist’s experiences in the music industry. I found it profound and I invite you to watch it with me.

What is the Art of Asking? Asking for help. Making yourself vulnerable, taking a risk and opening yourself up to possible rejection.

I have spent the vast majority of my life hiding away from people, being shy, being fearful of judgement and rejection. What if people find me lacking? I cannot admit that I need help because it would mean that I am not perfect. It would mean that I am inadequate. That I am weak and needy. That I am unworthy.

Those are all things that have been through my head numerous times over many, many years. As I have progressed through my life I have had experiences that have shown me that it really IS ok to ask for support. And every time I do it, I get new evidence that says *I* am ok. Right here, right now, I *AM* ok. Even when I am unable to do it on my own. Especiallywhen I am unable to do it on my own.

I used to think that by keeping things to myself that I was helping other people because they wouldn’t need to be *burdened* by my stuff. That they had enough to worry about in their own lives, and they needed my support. I have discovered though, that by allowing myself to ASK, I am giving *THEM* a gift. Much like the connection Amanda Palmer made with the lonely people she gave the flower to during the time she worked as the 8 ft. bride. She gave those people the gift of knowing someone *SAW* them. That someone knew they were alive. She connected with them in a way that few people have likely done before.

By asking for support when you need it, you give the other person the gift of connection. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable and let someone else into your life, you bless that person with a connection that would otherwise have not been there. You open up opportunities to experience richness in your relationships that is unrivaled by anything else. You get to experience love in one of its purest forms.

The question is, is that opportunity enough of a reward to take the risk of surfing the crowd?