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Monday, October 28, 2013

$10 manicure in a favorite color, $10 lunch at a favorite sushi restaurant, a favorite tee, and sparkly jewelry: life is pretty good.I've finished writing my part of Shop Poor, Eat Rich: How to Feed a Family Well on a Shoestring Budget. Now I only have some editing to do, and then my Facebook friend, Marla Bowie LePley, will add her recipes. So I thought I'd spoil myself a little. Better to do it now, before NaNoWriMo takes up all my time rewriting the second book in the Gilbert the Fixer series.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Here's what I have so far of the first chapter of Why It Still Mega Bites, book two in the Legend of Gilbert the Fixer. I'm going to be doing a complete rewrite of the rest of the book for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), because I figured out some things I can do to raise the stakes (and hopefully make it even funnier). Enjoy!

“Why did you say that?”
He looks back at me, but only for a second. “It’s like you’re daring the
universe, and the way things have been going lately, it seems the universe has
it in for me.”

Cheese
and crackers, he walks fast!

Feels like I have to
take two steps for every one of his just to catch up, and it’s hard with all
these people out for a night on the town in the way. And it’s cold. This
vintage black velvet jacket is so cute, but it’s not very warm. Good thing I
bought these cute little black boots last week. Glad I didn’t go for that pair
with high heels. I wouldn’t be able to run in those. “Your Uncle Ian isn’t
going to find you.”

“There you go again,
daring the universe.”

“You’re a scientist,
right? There are like a billion people—“

“Less than ten million,
and that’s the entire city of New York, not just Manhattan.”

Sigh. My new best friend forever is like
Google. He has an answer for everything. “And in the miles and miles of places he can
be at any given time,” I ask him, “what are the chances that you’re going to be
in the same place at the same time?”

“Given that he’s looking for me?”

“Okay, yes.”

He stops, stares at me,
and frowns.

I can see the
calculations going on inside his head behind his eyes. He’s probably
multiplying the number of people in the city by the number of blocks, by the
number of minutes in the night, or something.

He’s cuter than he used
to be, now that he’s a vampire, his zits are gone, and I made him cut his curly
dark hair. But he’s still not my type at all. He has the nicest eyes, though,
so big, brown and kind. Not dark brown, but milk-chocolate caramel with little
bits of gold. They remind me of my dog Cookie’s eyes. Well, Cookie’s eyesbefore I became a vampire, and he
wanted to kill me. Even when he’s mad, Gil doesn’t look like he really wants to
kill me. Gil has the prettiest long dark lashes, too. Wish I had lashes like
that.

“There’s no real way of
knowing,” he says. Oh, good, not an exact number. Of course, that probably
means he realizes how ridiculous he’s being. “But it’s certainly much higher
than if we hadn’t left the hotel. We should go back.” Maybe not.

“We went out twice last
week,” I remind him. “You were worried about your Uncle Ian then, and did
anything bad happen?”

“Yeah!” He looks around
us. We’re surrounded by people, but they’re all too busy going somewhere to
care about us. Still, Gil gets close so he can whisper in my ear. “The man in
the train station, and the old lady in the alley.”

Oh,
come on. “I mean to you. Did anything bad happen to you? Did your Uncle Ian track you down
and stick you somewhere so small it makes your old room look like a palace?”
He’s said it so many times that I don’t need his eidetic memory to repeat it
word for word.

He smiles one of his
narrow-eyed sarcastic smiles. “You know what they say. ‘Third time’s a charm.’”

Oh,
boy.

“I agree with the
Admiral.” It’s Captain’s voice with his English accent coming out of Gil’s
wristwatch. Of course, he’d agree with the guy who invented him. “It would be
safer if we returned to the ship.”

“It would be safer if
we spent all night in bed rolled up into a ball,” I say. “But that wouldn’t be
much fun.”

“Guess that would
depend on who you’re rolled up into a ball with,” Gil replies. “That’s two
votes to one. We should go back.”

What do I say? I love
the hotel, but I don’t want to be stuck there forever. And I’m sure Gil doesn’t
either. “I get that you’re all about the future, but maybe just this once can you
try to enjoy the moment? Please? Look around you. Look at the people. Don’t
they look—“

“Delicious.”

“I was going to say
colorful.” And they do. It’s one of the things I love about being a vampire,
how all the colors of everything are so amazing, especially living things.
There are all these colors that human eyes can’t see. They shimmer and glow,
and there are so many of them. The crowd is this beautiful, shimmering, rainbow
flowing around us.

Gil looks to the left
and right. I know he sees it, too. And even though he tries to hide it, I see
one corner of his mouth go up in a bit of a smile. He loves it. He’ll never
admit it, but he does.

And then there’s the
way people smell like different foods. Funny, though, everyone here smells kind
of the same.

“And don’t the people
smell—“

“Delicious?”

“Gil!” I laugh and whack
his arm with my handbag, not hard, just a little whack.

He laughs, too.

“I was going to say
like chocolate. They smell like chocolate.”

“That’s not the people.
We just passed the best chocolate store in Manhattan.”

Is he kidding? Really? “Then
why don’t we buy some?”

He sighs. “I bought
chocolate for my Uncle Ian there.”

Groan. “This is ridiculous.”

“We should head back to
the hotel.”

“No, you only get two
nights off a week, and I don’t want to—“

A light flashes red on
his watch, and I see words scroll across it. He has a text message. He turns
his back to me to check it. I try to get in front of it to see, but he keeps
turning so I can’t. When he turns back to face me, the text is gone.

“What’s it say?” I ask.

“Nothing.”

“What’s it say?”

“Nothing.”

“Giiiiiiiillllll . . .”
I can make him crack. I just have to stare at him long enough.

He crosses his arms and
looks away. Then he grumbles, “Mr. Ramirez says the ladies in room 1204 want Mario to fix their Internet
connection.”

I laugh, but I try to
do it only on the inside. Poor Gil. Those girls from the bachelorette party
will not leave ‘Mario’ alone. I had to go and give vampire charm to the one guy
in the world who would consider it a curse. “You’re right. We should head back
to the hotel.”

“I only get two nights
off a week.”

“But we wouldn’t want to
disappoint the ladies in room 1204.”

“Yeah, we would.”

We’re approaching a
corner, but I really want to head back for some chocolate. I can smell it
everywhere, and it smells so good.

Ooh, I have an idea.

I grab Gil’s arm and
pull him back into a little boutique that sells fancy dresses. I keep pulling
him, until we’re both standing in a poorly lit corner at the back of the store.
He looks nervous.

“We’re not going
clothes shopping for you again, are we?”

“No, in fact, I’m going
to make that up to you. Those clothes I bought helped me get a job, so I have
money now. I’m going to go back down the street to buy chocolate, while you
wait. Unless you think your Uncle Ian is going to find you here.”

“Oh, yeah, I bought him
a little black dress from this boutique for his birthday. He wears it all the
time.”

I laugh. He’s so funny.
I picked the right guy to be my best vampire friend forever, I really did.

I start heading to the
door.

“Chocolate covered
pistachios or apple and cinnamon white chocolate, please,” he calls out to me.

They have chocolate
with cinnamon? Ooh, I love cinnamon!“You
got it.”

Gil steps back into the
shadows, and I step outside.

I retrace our steps
around the corner and back half a block down Broadway. Ooh, that chocolate
smells so good. Here’s the store, so bright and shiny. Now where does this line
of people end? Oh, cheese and crackers, it goes all the way down the block and
around the next corner.

This could take
forever.

Unless . . .

My friends, Rob and
Jessie, always say, “If you got it, flaunt it.” I have vampire charm. I just
need to figure out who to use it on . . .

That big guy in a fancy
suit with big cowboy boots and a big cowboy hat. A guy that big must be from
Texas. I just need to casually sidle up to him and play the damsel in distress.

“Oh, heavens to Betsy,
I don’t know what I’m going to do.” Not a bad Texan accent, even if I do say so
myself.

He turns to look at me
and smiles.

I blink back fake
tears.

His smile turns into a
look of concern. “Is something wrong, little missy?”

“My best friend told me
this place sells the most amazing chocolate, but this line is so long. I don’t
think I’ll be able to buy anything and get back to the hotel in time. Oh, I
could just cry.”

“Well, I would hate to
see such a pretty little thing like you in tears. Why don’t you join me in
line? You other fellers wouldn’t mind, would you?”

I look wide-eyed at the
people behind him, my lower lip quivering like I’m about to cry. The big Texan
looks at them, too. After a few seconds, they shake their heads.

“Thank you!” I say and
flash them a big smile. They smile back.

Vampire charm, it works
every time.

I step in line next to
the gentleman from Texas. “You’re my hero.”

He looks down at me and
blushes. “Well, shucks, little lady. It weren’t nothing.”

It still takes a few
minutes before we finally get to the counter. He indicates that he wants me to
go first. I thank him.

Gil said he wanted
either the chocolate covered pistachios or the cinnamon apple white chocolate.
I’m going to surprise him and get both.

The woman at the
counter puts the two little light-blue containers in a bag, rings up my order,
and tells me how much I have to pay.

“Cheese and crackers,
that’s expensive.” Gasp. I cover my
mouth. Can’t believe I said cheese and crackers out loud! I should never, ever,
ever say that in New York. Back home it’s cute, but here it just makes me sound
like a hick who should have stayed in Hicksville.

The big man is looking
down at me and grinning so wide.

“Don’t you worry your
pretty little head about that, darling.” He hands his credit card to the woman
behind the counter. “I’m paying for hers,” he tells the woman, “and I’d like
the biggest box of truffles you got for me.”

“Oh, no,” I tell him.
“That’s way too generous! I can afford to buy my own. I was just surprised, is
all.”

“No, I insist.” He
turns back to the woman behind the counter. “And I want you to put a little box
of truffles in the little lady’s bag, too.”

I try to protest, but
he refuses to hear it.

“You called me a hero,”
he says, “and that has been the highlight of my entire trip. Now let me pay for
your order, so I can feel like I actually deserve that title.”

The woman carefully
puts together a small box of truffles, puts it in the bag with the chocolate I
ordered, and hands me the bag. The big man turns his back to me, as he asks the
woman about the different truffles and decides how many of each he wants in his
own order.

Oh, what the heck.

I put one hand on the
counter to help me jump up so I can give him a peck on the cheek.

He turns to me in
surprise, blushes, and gives me a big smile.

Oh, wow, he has a gold
tooth.

I smile back and wave. Then
I slide past the line and out the door.

Better rush. Gil is
waiting for me. So many people in the way. You’d think this was a Saturday
night, not Monday. I pause to let a large group of people heading the other way
pass. This might be a good time to count my blessings.

I could start with
these gorgeous new boots. And my new blue jeans. And this stylish black blouse.
And this vintage black velvet jacket that I love. And Gil, of course. I could
not have found a more perfect best friend forever, even if he does have a huge
ego. Of course, he’s super smart, so I guess he has a right to think he’s the
guy who’s going to fix the world. Maybe he will, who knows? And I’m so lucky to
have a job where vampire charm helps me get great tips, even if some of the
guys who eat at the café just want to look at my boobs. And I’m really lucky to
be living in the hotel, even if it isn’t the nicest room.

Mom always says that I
should “Choose to be happy.” Until about a week ago, that hasn’t been easy. Everything
I owned fit in this little handbag. But all that has changed. Now I have Gil. I
even have his amazing friends, well, except for Jenny. She hates me, because
she has a crush on him. I know she does, even though she won’t admit it. She’d
probably stop hating me, if she realized he loves her back big time. Wish I
hadn’t promised him I wouldn’t tell.

Enough of that. Breathe
in . . .

Ooh, that chocolate
smells so good.

I have a great best
friend forever. I have chocolate. I have everything. I am happy, because I
choose to be.

There’s a break in the
crowd, and the sidewalk is almost clear now. I make a dash for the corner.

When I get back to the
boutique, Gil is still hiding in the back.

“I’m surprised you’re
not wearing a costume by now,” I tell him, talking again in the New York accent
I’ve adopted. “There’s a big pink hat at the front that would look divine on
you.”

“Laugh all you want,”
he replies, “but I have every reason to be, you know, careful.”

I hold up the bag of
chocolates. “So do you want to eat these outside? Or do you think we should
head back to the hotel so you can share them with the ladies in room 1204?”

He shudders and walks
up to take the bag from my hand. He looks in the bag and tilts his head in a
puzzled expression, just like my dog Cookie. “Wait, you bought all of this with
your tips?”

No need to tell him the
truth, but I don’t exactly have to lie. I shrug. “What can I say? I am a very
good waitress, and it pays well.” Because I am, and it does.

“I guess, but shouldn’t
you be saving your money?”

“Why?”

“Well, you never know
what’s going to happen.”

“Sounds like a better
reason to spend it.”

He shrugs, reaches into
the bag, and pulls out the chocolate-covered pistachios.

“Can’t we open the
cinnamon apple white chocolate first?” I ask sweetly.

He sighs, puts the
light-blue container in his hand back, and takes the other one out.

I take his elbow, and
we step out onto the sidewalk.

His eyes dart around in
every direction, his body tense. Then he relaxes and opens the container. I
guess he didn’t see his Uncle Ian. Why would he? It’s just ridiculous.

He hands me a piece of
chocolate. It’s a tiny lumpy off-white cube with little bits of sparkling golden
apple showing through the white chocolate in places.

I pop it in my mouth and
let it melt. “Oh, my gosh, that’s so good! You’re right. I think that’s the
best chocolate I’ve ever had. I just love the cinnamon.”

“I’ll remember that,”
he replies. Of course, he will. He remembers everything. He pops a piece of
chocolate into his mouth and smiles. “It has this weird salty-spicy taste it
didn’t have before. I kind of like it.”

“See?” I bump elbows
with him. “There are advantages to being a vampire.”

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah,
well, they don’t exactly make up for you ruining my life.”

“I’m working on it.”

He starts walking
quickly through the rainbow river of people crossing the street and on the
sidewalk again. He seems a bit more relaxed, though. I guess that little piece
of chocolate helped. I know chocolate usually cheers me up.

And he really doesn’t
have anything to worry about. Nothing bad is going to happen tonight. That’s
just in his head. His ridiculously brilliant head. Wish I was half as smart.

Again I have to walk in
double time just to keep up with him. I fall a few steps behind.

Suddenly he stops, and
I bang into him.

“What is it?” I ask.

He points down the
block ahead of us. “That’s the dog that used to follow me home.”

What dog? All I see are
people.

A man and woman step
into the street, and there it is. It’s big, and it has long thick silvery fur
that shimmers under the lights of the city, but . . .

I gulp.

A shiver runs up my
spine, and my heart skips a beat.

“Gil, I don’t think
that’s a dog.”

“What do you mean?”

I look up into the dark
sky. Yup, there it is. “See the full moon?” It shines pale gold between the
tall buildings, like a perfectly round spotlight. “I do believe that is a
werewolf.”

He looks at me, his
eyes narrowed again. “Why would a werewolf start following me home when I was
twelve?”

That’s a good question.
Why would a werewolf follow him home? And why would he run into that same
werewolf tonight of all nights, when I’m trying to convince him he doesn’t have
to worry about his Uncle . . .

Gasp.

“No!” he shouts.

“Funny, you have the
same look on your face that you did in Bucky Bee’s when I told you you were a
vampire.”

“No! My Uncle Ian
cannot be a werewolf. It doesn’t m—“

“Make any sense. You’re
using a lot of the same words, too. But look on the bright side.”

“What bright side?” he
shouts.

“At least this time,
it’s not my fault.”

The werewolf is staring
at us. It sits on the concrete, raises its head, and lets out a long and loud
howl. Cheese and crackers, that’s creepy.

“Why did it do that?”
Gil asks.

I shrug. “Any ideas?”

“Just one: run!”

He grabs my hand. We
dart between the people. I look over my shoulder. The werewolf is coming after
us, but it doesn’t seem to be in a hurry. Why isn’t it in a hurry? I have a bad
feeling about this.