In another time and space, ha, would you believe this, Cthulhu and Co. had ...ACTUALLY TAKEN OVER THE WORLD!The Stars - HAD ACTUALLY BEEN RIGHT!and for once, no detective, reporter or inquisitive milkman had turned up with a well rehearsed quote (*see footnote) from the Necronomican to throw a spanner in the works.

And I gazed upon Cthulhu as He played with - OK, I mean eat (the equivalent of) the London Eye. Dagon was doing the backstroke up the river Thames. Celebrating, The King in Yellow was on the piss again (hence the name) and beside him Yog-Sothoth was just a complete mess. Well when Nyarlathotep's Avatar saw them, well let me tell you, that one has a nasty tongue at times!!

I took some photo's of a Minion watching over the city and grabbed a handful of the new currency. It seems strange to an old Arab like myself but when the Old Ones took over the world, I assumed it would be mass destruction, huge loss of lives, endless tormented slavery and constant human sacrifices. Instead these Evil Gods, in this dimension at least, well went for Capitalism! They moved into the City, changed the currency and monopolised big corporate business. So far I've seen Mythos Beer, Cthulhu Cola, Fhtagn-Dazs Ice Scream, Cthocolate Bars and a Cock-A-Cthulhu-Do Bargain Bucket (hate to think what's in that one)! Where's my clock, time to move on again.

(*footnote ; and yes believe me, yes you do need to rehearse it. Have you ever tried to pronounce those words? *Ygnaiih! Y'bthnk ..h'ehye-n'grkdl'lh ..Ia..Ia..Ia. Ph'ngluimglw'nafhCthulhuR'lyehwgah'nagl* If you could pull your tongue out and wrap it around you ankles, you might just stand a chance!)

Just to throw the Big Squid like Bully off my scent, I first slipped into Arkham to see if I could pick up any info on how to protect myself. The Forbidden Zone shop had a strange collection of Japanese models and a video game but neither were of any use.

I then stumbled across an old antique shop, found an old drawing of you know who and an ancient skull of some cthulhu like creature, again not much use.

Yes, 2 seconds, just long enough for me to jump inside my old Victorian Grandfather Clock. Funny thing this, it's a timepiece which tavels through time, well time, space, other dimensions kind of thing. Lot of them about actually, you'd be suprised. In the old days, my good old days, we used to use an oil lamp which served the same purpose. Had to get rid of it eventually, you know how it is, you put on a few pounds and it's a bitch to get in and out of!

So yea I jumped into the clock and before you know it I'm whizzing across the universe with Old Cthulhu chasing after. 40 long years on the run, now I know what you're thinking, "How do I know I was gone for 40 years when I had no normal referance, such as the sun going around the earth to record the passage of time?" Have you not been paying attention?... I was in a BIG BLOODY CLOCK!!!

Date ... Whate's the DATE ... (july) ... NO THE YEAR, WHAT YEAR IS IT!
2008 . . . only 2 years.

I've been gone 40 years but only 2 earth years have passed, bizarre.

Let me fill you in, I can see you're confused. It seems the Dread Cthulhu didn't take too kindly to my last little comment about Him/It being "cute".

He came for me . . ahh, the memory still makes me shudder. Sent Burrowers beneth the house to make a passage for Himself/Itself. After the shaking had stopped . . the first slime covered tentacle made its way up the stairs . . probing . . searching. I had a sudden flash of mad genius! I quickly grapped a bottle, place a fish finger and some human blood inside and glued a cork in the hole, ha brilliant.

OK, so it took Him/It all of 2 seconds before it smashed the bottle, took the morsel and rammed the jagged glass towards my skull with as much force as an angry God can, . . which is alot! Jezzuss, I mean you'd think a God who sits around for millenniua, would have a little patience wouldn't you???

March 28, 2006

Cthulhu's name is usually pronounced /ku'tu'hlu/, or /ku'thul'lu/, or /Chattanooga Choochoo/
however, according to Lovecraft, this may simply be the closest that human vocal cords can come to reproducing the syllables of an alien language. In fact, Lovecraft speculated that "Khlul'hloo" might be a better pronunciation.

March 27, 2006

Well I guess the stars are right ...Hi I'm Cthulhu, I'm a Water Sign of course, hee hee .Which one? Oh it's "The Octopus", not you wouldn't have heard of that one, totally different dimension my dear! Well I'm very Deep, I like strolling through the cosmos and I just love knitting , all those extra arms you see, haha.I guess I'm just looking for that someone special to share with and ... well rule the Universe with actually!!So if you this you're that someone special, why not drop me a line or simply sacrifice a virgin and drop down before me and worship me, haha.Cthulhu, Great Old One.

“The insane ramblings contained within this bizarre blog are the product of a diseased mind. The works are more disturbing, more unnerving, more twisted than anything ever recorded in the diabolical Necronomican. This is no more than a feeble excuse to place the foul and monstrous works of the author before the rest of humanity with the view to corrupt and deprave. These works should be therefore prohibited due to … taking the piss!”