We say, “What others think don’t matter; only what God thinks matters.” Yada, yada.
Truth is it does matter what people think. We all want to be well thought of, approved of others. It matters what the employer or supervisor thinks, what the professor thinks, what that person we admire or crush on thinks, what our spouse and children think, what the person who shows indifference, disrespect, insensitivity towards us thinks. If it didn’t matter, we would not need to respond to it, have it dictate our behavior or introspection.
It is toward people who we claim do not matter (but they do), that we throw out such disclaimer. Persons who exclude us, don’t consider us, disregard or ignore us. The ‘haters’, persons who do not support or celebrate us, do not condone our behavior, or laud our every endeavor. It is of those people that we say, it doesn’t matter, I don’t care. But the attention and response to the opinion of those persons is a clear indicator that we do indeed care.

I guess this interests me because I relate to it so well. I notice sarcastic graphics and posts surface in the FB TL quite often raising the walls of defense. When I see them, I think – the time and attention given to the things and people who do not matter is really amusing. The constant lashing out or buffering from things that do not matter … Why? Because they do. The responses are erected like cement but really have a soft clay base needing the Refiner’s fire.

What we really need to pay attention to is why, why a response. The question to ask, ‘What is it in me, my inward sensibility that makes me respond and defend against the offenses of people and things that ‘do not matter’?’ Until we answer that question, we will continue to falsely accuse others of what is lacking within ourselves.

Reality check.

Growth and maturity becomes more evident within ourselves when we accept responsibility for who we are, where we need to grow, where we need to change and then do the necessary work to become that person. A person who is not always on defense, but one of a self-awareness that is nurturing and healthy, one who gives light, life and love from a transformed heart, mind and essence that is renewed daily by the love of God.

When we go to God with the broken pieces of ourselves, He really does put them back together. We must give Him ALL the pieces, confess our heart and He promises, “Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” ~ Ezekiel 36:26

This past weekend I created a vision board. One of the goals I put on the board relates to my blog. I started my blog in July 2011 (encouraged by my godniece, Katrice L. Mines of http://www.myvicariouslyfe.com) and did not write another post until March 2012. Since that time I have written over 100 posts, this is post No. 112. My goal is to write more consistently so that my blog is really effectual in inspiring, motivating and sharing sage wisdom and also for my personal development.

I am already beginning to believe there is something to this ‘law of attraction’ (like attracts like) vision board trend. In preparing to host a creativity event for the married couples ministry my husband and I facilitate at our church (Shout out to the Covenant Partners Married (& Engaged Couples Ministry of Zion Pentecostal Church of Christ, Cleveland OH, Bishop C. Wayne Brantley, Pastor) and to create my individual board at the women’s fellowship I attended this past weekend, I have learned some basic points and tips on how and why creating a vision board is a good idea. Not only writing your goals, but creating a visual display of them gives life to them, takes them out of your head and your heart and illuminates them to your mind’s eye which pulls you and motivates you to achieve them. “There is no magic in the board”, said Dr. Sabrina Ellis in her introduction of the activity, but it is the energy and the action plan that we put into achieving the goals and desires we display on the board. Somehow in displaying the images and words of the goals in your heart and consistently looking at them, makes you accountable to the “fruitful performance” of achieving them.

My blog, is just one of several goals I placed on my board. I also inlcuded images relating to my career, my finances, my fitness, travel, and a quote, “… SHINE without permission.” When I decided to change my Facebook cover photo, I thought I will choose a photo for Black History Month; about Love; another fitness photo; but my blog logo suddenly made the most sense. Shine. (Thanks for your impactful ministry, professional and personal development workshops Karla M. Randall) Then, today, in a conversation with my fitness trainer (angelfittrainer, reroutingyourself.blogspot.com), she asked me “What about your blog?” What?!, I thought. You read my blog?, I thought. I mumbled something about needing inspiration to write, yada yada. She replied, what? Just take all the inspiration you put out on Facebook and write it on your blog. A light came on. So, post No. 112.

“The first key to writing is to write, not to think!” “You must write your first draft with your heart.” ~ from the movie, “Finding Forrester“

“Simply Phenomenal” a space for self-expression, to Inspire and motivate others to be their best selves. It has taken me a long time to embrace my ‘better self’ because I’m not my best self yet. It is a process of learning, growing and performing that I must pursue everyday. But the will to do it, the letting go of who we are to become what we can be, that is the key! To no longer wallow in the murk of our usual, comfortable, sometimes self-loathing, confidence-lacking self, just the murkiness of who we don’t want to be, to be who and what we want to be. To not blame others for who or what we are not, to actively engage in what we must do to be who and what we desire. That is how we become our best selves.

To purposely determine the goals, the action plan, the strategy, the implementation and to perform it, that is how we achieve success. The goals, dreams, and desires I have illustrated on my individual vision board and the one my husband and I created for our marriage is giving me/us a lot to work toward.

This is a good start, stay tuned. I’m anticipating my ‘kairos’ moment.

Continuing from my previous writing, I knew there was something critically important I was forgetting at the time: EXCUSES!
They surface from our thought patterns to our lips with lightning speed as a crutch for why we cannot be what we need to be or do what we need to do. Excuses exempt us from what we do not want to do. Excuses are empty, some call them cop-outs. My Pastor teaches, ‘excuses are filled with corruption’. The point is they lead to no where, no success, no progress, nothing. Excuses only limit us and defeat us.
This year I have had to fight past excuses (not always successful), fight past the “I can’t do it”, “I look awkward”, “I’m too thick for Yoga”, “I’m tired”, “I’m the oldest on this floor (in this room)”, “I’m too old”, “No one welcomed me”! Then there is the beast on the floor, someone running past me along my walk, or spinning like the blades of a fan in front of me. Yada, yada, yada.
Excuses are endless, relentless, they link together like a chain to choke the life out of you.
Excuses choke possibility.

Excuses are the pseudo voices that justify why we cannot or will not do (because we don’t want to) what we need to do.
‘Fear of failure’ is so huge. I have written about it before, https://simplyphenomenal.wordpress.com/2014/03/28/quitting-before-you-get-started/
Imagine the rich experiences and opportunities that we miss because we never start, never take the first step or initiative to see if we can succeed. We are no better for it. We just remain in the same stagnation. That surely is not the abundant life.
It is not until we break free of our fears and excuses, that we realize we can succeed enough to stretch and pursue more.
To be more, to do more, to have more, to live more.
Most of our dreams are beyond our reach and require us to risk tripping, falling, failure or rejection to attain them. It is then, ‘in order to succeed, our desire for success must be greater than our fear of failure’. (paraphrasing Bill Cosby)
My wellness/fitness journey has been and continues to be one of overcoming, choosing every day to stay the course, to push through stinking thinking, push, fight, push, fight. Keeping the set goals forefront in my mind, visualizing the finish, and finding a way to get there.
I know excuses will not get me there. My desire for success is greater.

This writing is a response to an inquiry someone made to me about my wellness/fitness journey. I started it to reply to her directly, but decided to blog it and share it with everyone. I know much of it is being restated from previous writings but in case you missed it before, here it is again.

Praise the Lord, Sister …
First thing is you have to change your thinking, really make a decision to commit to the WORK. I must say too, you don’t realize it until you actually start the journey.
I have written about my journey on my blog, http://www.simplyphenomenal.wordpress.com … look through some of my writings this year.
I started with the 21-day Daniel Fast. I did not do it as a spiritual fast but as a jump start to my weight loss and it was the motivation that I needed to continue. I recommended getting the book because it has devotions for those 21-days that will help your mindset which is VERY IMPORTANT. After the 21 days, I continued eating the way I did while on the fast, [called the Daniel Cure], it was working for me (no meat, chicken, dairy, processed foods, sugar, etc).
I changed EVERYTHING because #1 I was experiencing success and #2 I was determined.
Also, most importantly, I COMMITTED TO ONE YEAR … it is not something you can do in a short amount of time.
Making short-term, realistic and achievable goals will help you maintain your motivation.
Also, important, is accountability, fine someone or people who you will be accountable to … in addition to wanting to encourage others with my journey on FB, is that it makes/keeps me accountable … I know people are watching, but they are also encouraging and cheering me on.
At first I just changed my diet and I had some success. Then I realized it was not enough, I HAD TO EXERCISE.
I enjoyed Zumba so I was doing that periodically. Then I went to a Health Fair and came across a walking program so I started walking again. I pretty much started with 1 mile, now as you may have noticed on a distance walk I can do 6-7 miles (even with a torn menicus in my knee).
So, I changed my MIND, changed my DIET, started EXERCISING, then you also have to build a COMMUNITY of people who will counsel you and motivate you … Fitness Trainers do that. So I started going to fitness classes, I like group classes doing different workouts and learning what I need to do to reach my goal. You MUST surround yourself and interact with people who will HELP YOU, TEACH YOU, MOTIVATE YOU, BE AN EXAMPLE.
So as you can see, it is no play thing. TIMING is of the essence, you have to be ready … I was fed up with the way I looked and felt. Also, EDUCATION & INFORMATION … I also connected with a Health Coach/Nutrition (actually blessed through the Wellness Program at my job) to learn about health eating. I have also learned a lot just my searching and googling the internet. I get smoothie recipes, etc. from the internet, even FB … you can search for just about anything on FB just like the internet.
It is an investment of time AND money (which I would spend on other things any way).
COMMITMENT to yourself and your goals, not anyone else (your husband, anything or anyone) … you have to do it for YOURSELF!
You have to make a decision, set a long-term goals, set short-term goals and strategies to achieve your goal(s), and then get to work. When you put the time and effort in, you will achieve results. It will not be drastic, it takes time, you have to give it time and you have to be CONSISTENT and COMMITTED to the promise you make to YOURSELF.
I cannot remember how much I lost after the initial 21-day Daniel Fast (in a previous blog), but it was the most weight I had lost in 30 yrs and it was the motivation I needed to continue.
Over the year, starting with my diet, then to walking, then I kept challenging myself to do more, so I made a commitment to MYSELF to do something/an hour or more of exercise every day (inspired by the girl who went to the gym 100 days, http://youtu.be/I5FkshLcNLQ). I keep evolving to stay motivated and to experience new things (What I have done this year: Walking, Zumba, BOKWA, R.I.P.P.E.D., Bootcamp, Yoga (not a fan, ijs), Body Toning, Diet/Nutrition, Personal Training, my latest adventure is Spinning)
Every time I reach a short-term goal, I set another one: 3 lbs, 5 lbs because that is easier than 10 lbs or 20 lbs. My ultimate goal is 100 lbs which I’ve been advised may be too much but we will see. I know it will take time, probably longer than my initial commitment, but I’m COMMITTED to MYSELF to keep chipping, squeezing or melting the fat away.
I am nearly 9 months in, having lost 44 lbs my last weigh in. Every day is not perfect. Some days I make blunders (sweets), but I don’t give up, I put on my big girl pants, check into warrior mode, and I get right back in the game because of the commitment I made to myself.
Finally, this has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life … I am not there yet, but I know I will get there. [tear]
I owe God great praise, He is my HELP!

LOVE suffereth long, and is kind; LOVE envieth not; LOVE vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. LOVE never faileth: ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Thirty-six years ago today, I married my best friend. He loves me unconditionally.

Thirty-six years is a long time. Time that God has given to us, woven by all that HE IS. The essence of Who God is has given sustaining and enduring life to our marriage. No marriage is perfect, because no two people are perfect; only God is perfect. Enduring Love is what perfects our marriage covenant. Faith, wisdom and reverance for God as the center of our marriage is what has made it an Enduring Love.

Enduring Love is not jealous, is not self-centered, is not arrogant, is not strong-willed, is not selfish, is not controlling, is not impulsive, is not disrespectful, is not revengeful or begrudging, it never gives up. It is not a fairytale. Enduring Love is all that the Love Chapter proclaims, it suffers long, is kind, is committed, is sacrificing, is giving, is caring, is honest, trusts, honors God, never retreats or gives up, it grows forward, stronger and greater, it endures.

In thirty-six years there have been some tests, some mistakes, some poor judgments, some uncertainties, some challenges. But overwhelmingly there has been a lot of joy and God’s goodness, dreams come true, blessings on top of blessings, lessons learned, experiences and memories to cherish, children and grandchildren.

Some years ago I had the privilege of presenting a seminar for married couples. The conference theme was “The Race of Your Life-Making It To The Expected End” so I entitled the presentation, “Enduring Love Covenant Marathon” (Running With My Mate — A Marathon to The Finish”. The focus was that marriage is not a sprint or a relay, it is a marathon. A marathon is a race of endurance. Much preparation, training, and conditioning is necessary to FINISH a marathon. Because at the FINISH is where you receive the rewards, the expected end. The key points I shared was understanding the runners in the race (two, ‘together’, making a team of one) (Matthew 19:5-6); determining and understanding the singularity of your goal(s) (1 Corinthians 9:24-25); conditioning for the covenant marathon with the mindset to win (Romans 8:37); actually running the race, the huddle experiences, and seeing (always in view) your goal, seeing your marriage at its expected end, claiming the rich rewards of enduring love.

“Do you think our love can make miralces? I do.

“Do you think our love, can take us away together?

I think our love can do anything we want it to.” (Allie & Duke/Noah from The Notebook)

[Reflecting now, that was a good presentation.]

So today, we’re still running this race with so much more maturity and wisdom. We’re running it with our enduring love as the wind in our backs and beneath our wings. We’re enjoying some rich rewards too, a life well lived, blessed by the favor of God, children who make us proud everyday, and grandchildren who literally take our breath away and consume our hearts with joy.

This is what God says,
the God who builds a road right through the ocean,
who carves a path through pounding waves,
“Forget about what’s happened;
don’t keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.
It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it? – Isaiah 43:16, 19 (MSG)

An Aromatic Perspective for Life

Five Minute Friday: BLOOM

We live in a world where everyone is consumed with their devices, checking social media, surfing the ‘net, living life through a brightly lit screen.
We’re missing the blooms. The blooms of God. What He is doing, saying, commanding, in and of us.
Even in His Sanctuary, we’re recording and capturing photo moments, scrolling the timeline, texting our neighbor, checking dining menus. Ouch!
He is blooming new things in a realm so much higher and wider than who, where, or what we are or think.
No, we don’t see it. We’re missing it, we’re missing Him.
Every day it seems we’re running, but we’re not gaining any ground; we’re striving, but we’re not increasing … we don’t see it.
We’re taught that vision is not in the eye, but in the mind. In the mind is where we see what God is doing in ourselves and in His Kingdom.
We must be alert and present more instinctively by our spiritual nature to see the blooms (the evidence) of His planting in and through us.
The blooms of His redemption plan for mankind, of His call to holiness, of the great hope He gives us of eternal life in Him.
My son said recently, ‘we must never become a spectator church’, but we must remain spiritually engaged and connected to God, Who He Is, and what He is doing that we may be representative of Him in the Earth and to a world that does not know Him.
The evidence of God’s doing is always in bloom, springing forth, bursting out!
Look UP unto Him, don’t you see it?

I chose my seat, the same seat, in a group session at work, where I am the only African American in the room. I sat in the first seat near the speaker to be sure I could hear her. Nearly fifteen other people sat at that table 3-5 seats away from myself and the speaker. Even when they were prodded by the speaker to move closer, no one did. It gave me the feeling I didn’t belong. I still am a bit bewildered by it (knowing it wasn’t my hygiene), but I literally have no clue.

It is a dark, lonely place where we feel we don’t belong.

It can be a dangerous place where we feel we don’t belong.

It is a place that compromises our wholeness where and when we feel we don’t belong.

This quote, though, from Ansa puts the responsibility of belonging into our own hands.

“Claim what is yours. You belong any where on this Earth you want to.” ~ Novelist Tina McElroy Ansa quoted by First Lady Michelle Obama (Spelman College Commencement, 2011)

Here, Dr. Maya Angelou further enforces it, “You only feel free when you realize you belong no place — you belong every place …”

We belong ‘every place’ so we must claim our place, our belonging.

It is a challenge when we feel like we don’t belong. To find ourselves always on the outside looking in, trying to fit, wanting to be accepted, needing to belong.

We must choose to belong. Many environments and situations are out of our hands but we must not let them frame our entire sense of belonging. We must find the place we want to be and include ourselves through our sense of purpose, abilities and contributions to be apart, to belong. When we get out of our comfort zone, make new discoveries and enjoy the things we love and are passionate about, we make our own place to belong. We must decide not to be controlled by the opinions, perceptions, judgments, prejudices or indifferences of others, instead we must choose to belong.

It is my choice. Stretching myself beyond myself makes place for me to belong. When I use my giftedness in a place, for a cause, in a group, I make my own place to belong.

Even when I may not feel accepted, when I claim what is mine, I belong.

I’ve done so much.
I’ve come so far.
Then the reality test of whether your commitment is greater than the novelty of when you first began.
Mind games.
I recently had a consult with a personal trainer, two as a matter of fact. All of my success was smacked in the face with real numbers of my BMR (basal metabolic rate), BMI (body mass index), fat weight to muscle weight ratio, you’ve been doing well with this, but you need to incorporate this, your goal will take this much time and more commitment is needed in this area. All good to know, but it echoes ‘not enough’.
Working out, pushing myself, stretching myself, embarrassing myself, fighting.
Mind games.
A plateau, not necessarily a weight loss plateau, but a mental plateau.
Mind games.
Throwing a wrench into my gears, locking and pulling at my resolve.
I’m there. On a plateau of performance anxiety, perfectionism, irresolution.
All the encouragement I hear, why isn’t it enough?
Meltdowns at the thought of not succeeding, seeping into my determined core. I fight back the tears, I won’t be defeated.
Mind games.
Yes, I said it before (wrote about it too, https://simplyphenomenal.wordpress.com/2014/01/05/fight/)*, I know it is true, this is a spiritual battle, not just a physical one.
So, here I am, at a place, needing God to elevate my mind to yet another, HIGHER plain.
This writing is definitely for me, I’m writing through it, writing for a breakthrough.
Seven months into the journey.
I’ve done so much.
I’ve come so far.
I’m more than a conqueror through Him Who LOVES me.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
With God, all things are possible.
Adopting this …
‘We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought (mind games) and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ.’ – 2 Corinthians 10:5 (MSG)
WARRING WITH HIS WORD.
I WIN!

*I find it so interesting that the link I referenced to a past blog post, I wrote on the first day of my journey … God took me back to where I began to speak to me now. Love Him for that.

Take everything out of your hands.
Sit back in your seat.
Let your arms rest.
Close your eyes.
Take a deep breath through your nose.
Exhale through your mouth.
Again.
Now slowly open your eyes.
Rub your hands together. Feel that heat? It is an energy source that you can give back to yourself, to your essence.
We’ve been taking these cleansing breathing moments during my Nourish Up (Nutrition) class for the past few weeks. It is amazing how a brief concentrated exercise can renew you just by closing off everything and EXHALE-ing.
Releasing it all into the atmosphere, like a vapor rising into the air.
These cleansing breathing moments are available to us freely, at any given time during our day, during our lives.
We’re so overwhelmed with the cares of life and being and doing so much and often more than we should.
Our lives are a whirlwind of tasks, responsibilities, activities, commitments, engagements, stressors.
Family, work, ministry, school, life!
We need to exhale.
For a brief moment, stop, find your essence. Linger there even for a brief moment.
Releasing it all into the atmosphere, like a vapor rising into the air.
Exhale.

We gather once a week to write for five minutes on a prompt. No editing, just raw and real. This week’s prompt is LOST.

For so long I was LOST in a quagmire of excuses and defeat. For at least thirty years (after birthing babies) I lost the weight loss battle time and time again. But that was then and this is now and this is not a writing of what used to be.

I’m winning now! Having LOST more than thirty pounds over the past 24 weeks, I have much to be thankful for, much to celebrate, and still a ways to go. [Photos: January 2014; June 2014]

It was beyond my reach, beyond my ability to believe enough that I could do it. I was so afraid of failure I wouldn’t even try. Fear will do that and it never goes away. At every juncture of a new challenge or commitment I’m fighting through fear but with a new perspective. Because it is every fear we look in the face and defy that brings us closer to the achievement of anything we desire in life. It is the small victories that empower us the more. I have a goal-driven tenacity that pushes me to stay true to my commitment to myself.

[So I’ve lost track of time and expect I’ve exceeded the five minutes for this writing.]

But I’m somewhat of an ambassador now and I want everyone to achieve the goals that I have achieved and more. I want a crew in this with me fighting and winning this battle together.

If you’re reading this and you feel like you’re sinking in a quagmire of defeat, fight!
No. 1, pray and trust God like you do for everything else in your life.
No. 2, change your thinking, change your speaking, change your behavior … Change.
No. 3, take the first step, strategize for success, set goals, focus on your goals, make a plan, work your plan.

“Without weight loss goals, and diet and exercise plans to reach them, you are lost with no direction.”~ Felicity Luckey, Great Minds Think Fit

No. 4, if you get knocked down or pinned to the ropes, don’t be defeated, get back up, get back in the fight.
No. 5, give it your all, stretch yourself, try new things, you’ll discover you can do more than you ever imagined.
These are a few starter tips to inspire you – from me, an ambassador … Who knew?!