...the story of a girl who is working her way to wellness by healthy eating and regular exercise...

Saturday, February 28, 2004

blah is better than blue

Yesterday flew by in a blur. By the time we got home last night I was totally brain dead. I mentioned last week that my boss and I had been separated in the office reorg, each of us were placed in different units. She decided not to take the new position they offered her (which was really a kick a stomach, it was basically a "de-motion" (if that's a word). I'm really proud of her for not taking it, she would not have been happy in the new position and I know that she'll be much happier somewhere else. So, yesterday, I spent 4 hours emptying and packing up her office. I'm very good at sorting and packing so I just dug in and did it. When I finished up though, it sort of hit me what I'd just done. I got really upset and had a bit of a meltdown at my desk. It was more out of anger frustration than sadness. I had a bunch of folks in the corner where my desk is, I'd lost a bunch of stuff that we needed for a mailing that was going out, my phone was ringing off the hook...it was all just too much given what I'd done all morning.

While I was in her office packing stuff up, tonne of people stopped by to "see how I was doing" and to ask after her. By the time I got my back to desk, I was totally drained and exhausted. I'd worked through my lunch and just couldn't wait to get out of there. After work, my hunny picked me and the pile of boxes up and we dropped them off at her house. It feel really weird to know that we're not going to be working together anymore. We live really close to one another so I know that we'll still see each other and keep in touch, I'm just going to miss seeing her every day. We were a really good team and I'm really sad that we won't be working together anymore. Part of what dragged me down this week was that I knew that my boss wasn't coming back but I couldn't say anything to anyone for a couple of days (until it was to be announced "officially"). Of course, everyone was stopping by my desk or phoning to find out what was going on. It was not fun.

Angst and exhaustion aside, I seemed to regain some lost footing this week. On Monday or Tuesday I stepped on the scale and showed a HUGE gain. I was really disgusted with myself but I was also in the beginning of TOM. This morning when I stepped back on the scale, I was exactly the same as I'd been last time I weighed in. The carb bloat (from all those cookies) and retained water were both gone and I'm feeling much better at the moment. At the beginning of the week, I felt like a beached whale, my face looked puffy, my gut seemed huge (or more huge than normal). Today, I feel more normal and I definitely have more energy than I've had in a while. Of course, last night I slept like the dead so that helped. I don't think I moved one bit until around 6:30 this morning.

I didn't formally exercise today but Saturday is my break day. I did do a tonne of housework though, stuff I've not had the desire to deal with over the past couple of weeks, heavy cleaning type of stuff. I cleaned the whole of the downstairs and got started on the upstairs. Tomorrow I have a bit of laundry and the washroom to do. Sometimes, when I'm longing for more storage and a proper gym, I wish we had a bigger house but I tell ya, when I'm cleaning it I'm glad that it is exactly the size that it is! I also expect that I'll workout again tomorrow. I feel stronger this weekend than I've felt in a while. I'm looking forward to exercising tomorrow, and to crawling into my bed in a few minutes. I hope that you're all having a fun / restful / productive weekend too. 'night 'night!

Thursday, February 26, 2004

staying the course and silly little nsv's

For some reason, I was thinking that today was Wednesday. I just realized that it's Thursday (when I logged into blogger). Yikes, usually on Thursdays, I get out of sync thinking that it's actually Friday.

Yesterday (Wednesday!) turned out to be an okay day after all. We went out for dinner with our little old guy, which was nice. I kept my calories in line for the day and had exercised so it was a good, on-plan day.

Today is going well so far, much better than this time last week. I worked out this morning and have been eating well all day so far. I even remembered to stop and have an orange mid-morning. It made a huge difference with my hunger level at lunchtime. I'm going to do the same thing this afternoon and take a break to eat my banana.

This morning, a bunch of us were standing around discussing the reorg (okay, we were having a bit of a moaning session) and a co-worker came around with a box of chocolate bars. He was selling them for his kids' school. They looked totally amazing, dark chocolate with whole almonds and gooey caramel inside. I was strong though, I didn't have one. Another co-worker bought one and the ate the whole thing while we stood talking to him so I had to smell one and watch the caramel oozing out of the chocolate. Still I remained strong and didn't give into temptation. Yay me!

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

struggling

So far today, I'm feeling much better than yesterday. I slept really well last night (I woke up at around 1:30 a.m. but it was cramps that woke me up, not work) and actually felt rested this morning. The funny thing is, I felt rested and yet was feeling sluggish. I guess it's because of all the pain killer type stuff I had to take to get through yesterday. So far today, I've not had to take anything and I'm feeling okay now.

I'm about 4 weeks into a no-coffee thing I've been trying. I still have the very occasional diet coke (we don't have it in the house I just have it when we go out to eat -- am I the only person who wishes for diet sprite or diet ginger ale in restaurants?) but no coffee at all. Ordinarily, I don't have my coffee (one cup only) until I get to work. I bring it with me in a travel mug. For the last four weeks, I've been making myself a pot of herbal tea when I get in, instead. Looking back, I think that the tiredness I was feeling after being sick was probably a little bit of caffeine withdrawal. Have a stomach bug really put me off the coffee so I stuck with it.

Anyway, I'm drinking lots of herbal tea and lots of water these days. Fluid intake is not a problem for me right now. Food, on the other hand has been. Over the past week, since all the chaos started, during the day, when I'm at the office, I'm so busy that I've not been having my snack (a piece of fruit mid-morning and mid-afternoon). I didn't realize this until I noticed that I bit of a stock pile of oranges and bananas on my desk. I'm going to try to force myself to stop. I realized this morning that I'm feeling super hungry in the evenings because I'm not getting that extra fruit in during the day. The result of skipping the snack, and the stress factor at work, had resulted in some bad food choices last week. I'm trying to not beat myself up over it too bad. Thinking about it now, I realize now that I was also in the throes of PMS last week. Yikes, I can't even believe that! It's a wonder that I didn't kill someone!

For now, I'm just working at getting back on track, one day at a time. If things would settle down at work, it might be easier. I'm trying really hard to not bring the work crap home with me but that's a struggle too. In a couple of months, when the dust has settled and things get into something resembling a normal routine again, I'm sure it'll be easier. Right now though, it's pretty tough to cope with if I think about the big picture. I guess I have to look at it like I'm looking at weight loss: break it down into small, manageable parts and take it one day at a time!

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

it's tuesday, I've got cramps!

I wish that I had the energy and wit to write something really cool and funny tonight. I don't know when things are going to normalize at work again. I'm working at not bringing it home with me but I'm still not sleeping great. Tonight I plan to leave the bedroom window wide open and am hoping that the cool air will help me sleep better. I really don't want to start taking those pills I got from the doctor in October again but I suppose I will tomorrow if I don't sleep better tonight.

TOM started with a vengeance today too so that didn't help much. I did exercise this morning though and I'm pretty proud of myself for that. I woke up with terrible cramps and sat on the edge of the bed for the longest time, trying to convince myself that exercise would make me feel worse and that an extra hour in bed would be much much better. Hah! Calmer heads prevailed and I got up and exercised. As I truly knew I would, I felt much much better when I was finished.

At lunchtime, I met a couple of friends for a bite and we walked around a little bit (sort of took a convoluted way to get to where we were going) and it was nice to get out of the office and away from the chaos for a bit. Now that it seems like the nicer weather is here (touch wood) I'm going to try to break up my day that way every day. Admittedly, I don't do that sort of thing when the weather is nasty.

I think I'm going to toddle off to bed now. I should have enough aleve in me to knock me out (and push the cramps away) for a bit. 'night all!!

Monday, February 23, 2004

I'm back at work and back to being stressed as all get out. I cannot wait for the dust to settle. I don't mind change but what I'm experiencing right now is beyond insane. If I could, I'd love to just purge and spill my guts right here in great graphic details about what's happening right now but you'll have to settle the reader's digest condensed version, in a bit. Must stuff is still happening and I don't feel comfortable talking about it here yet. Paranoid mutha-fucka aren't I?

I'm trying to get back on track this week. Last week, some days my eating was okay, other days I hate bunches of chocolate chip cookies. I tried to resist them but my resolve was so depleted and I was so fucking tired and drained, I comforted myself with them. I shouldn't have, but I did and it was wonderful. Of course, now I'm remorseful, wishing I hadn't done it while I type this out and munch on an apple. Happily, the cookies are now all gone, all traces of "bad" food are erased from my house. This week is about healthier eating and getting lots of rest. The exercise thing went well last week and probably helped me from consuming even more chocolate chip cookies than I did.

My goals for this week:

- I shall eat only healthy foods.
- I shall drink lots of lovely water (actually the water consumption hasn't been a problem recently)
- I shall exercise 6 out of 7 days.
- I shall take walks instead of eating cookies when the stress gets to me.

Sunday, February 22, 2004

updating

Well Friday was a much better day than the rest of the week. Instead of being in and out of meetings, I was actually able to accomplish some stuff. Everyone's still a little antsy about all of the changes but I was able to get some of my big questions answered. I was totally exhausted by the time I got home from work and could hardly keep my eyes open all evening. I was awake again in the middle of the night though. I was up and sitting in front of the computer from 2 to 3 a.m. I did go back to bed though and even had a nap yesterday morning for a bit. I'm feeling much better about things generally. Last night I slept the whole night through so that's something. It was actually surprising to wake up this morning and see 5:15 a.m. on the clock and know that I'd not been up and down all night. I'm really relieved that my brain has finally stopped running in overdrive about this reorg thing. It wasn't doing me or anyone else any good at all.

Saturdays are generally my rest day so I didn't workout yesterday. I didn't do much of anything truth be told. I didn't even get into the shower until like 6 p.m. Today's been better so far and the sun is actually shining so I think we'll be doing some errands and general running around today. Hope you all have a nice, relaxing Sunday!!

Friday, February 20, 2004

I will survive

Yesterday was really tough. We had back to back to back meetings all day long. By the time I finished work last night my whole body ached from the tension. I've been suffering from information overload as well, there has been a lot to digest over the past 3 days.

Part of me is really looking forward to the new job that I'll be doing but the other part of me is completely freaking out. Most of my colleagues run programs that run on the fiscal year (we're looking to start our new jobs at the beginning of the next fiscal year, May 1). My programs though, run on the calendar year so we'll be right in the middle of the busiest time of the year when I'll be handing stuff over to someone else (or to several people -- it's looking like what I've been doing will be de-centralized). I was wide awake and on the verge of tears between 1 and 2 a.m. this morning just trying to process it all. Hopefully, over the coming days, things will be made more clear about how exactly the transition will happen. I know that the only reason that I'm freaking out is because I really care about what I do and I'm concerned that things will get mucked up. If I worked with widgets or some tangible thing I'd probably not be so worried but I work with volunteers and large groups of people so I am concerned about them.

Anyway, partly due to the stress of it all, eating was good yesterday. One advantage to all of these meetings was that I had to walk outside, between buildings for the meetings so I at least had a chance for some fresh air and to stretch my legs every couple of hours. This morning I just finished a great workout. I rode almost 7 miles on my recumbent and feel really good. I don't think I have any meetings today so hopefully I'll be able to hide at my desk and get some work done.

Thanks so much for all of the support yesterday folks, you have no idea how much it meant to me!

Thursday, February 19, 2004

I managed to somehow survive all the meetings yesterday and I can report that I still have a job. Unfortunately, the wonderful boss I've been working for since 1996 is no longer my boss. We've been placed into different units and I'll no longer be doing the job I love. I'm still not exactly sure what I'll be doing because, as we all know, it's hard to tell from a job description. It should be okay, I didn't get a promotion or anything but I don't think that I've been "demoted" either, it's hard to tell from an org chart.

The day was incredibly stressful and by the time I got home last night I was completely brain dead. I had worked out yesterday morning and had a healthy breakfast. By lunchtime, my stomach was in knots but I made myself eat something anyway. I haven't sat down with fitday yet to figure out what I had yesterday but I know that I was well within where I should be.

Today we're having more meetings all day, fun huh?? I've just finished a really good workout so hopefully I'll be able to get through today too. I know that the exercise really helps me cope with the stress of it all. Hope you all have a good day today, any spare good vibes you can send my way would be muchly appreciated!!

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

checking in

this will be quick tonight. I know that everyone is busy. I know I'm always busy, but this week is going to be insane. At the office, there are a tonne of meetings going on about a reorg that is happening and it's really quite stressful. We've been sitting on pins and needles about it since September and it's all finally being revealed to us. I'm coping with it pretty well but it's exhausting and, quite frankly, I'm looking forward to Thursday night. By then, all the meetings will be over and the dust will have settled and I'll know if I'm still going to be employed or not.

All that aside, I had a perfectly on plan eating day and a nice workout this morning. I didn't sleep that well last night but I know it's just a bit of nerves. Like I said, there's lots happening right now. Not sure how frequently I'll be posting for the rest of the week but I'm going to try to check in when I can.

Monday, February 16, 2004

still here

Or back, I guess. I just felt like taking a break this weekend. I felt so lousy all of last week I just wanted to use this long weekend to recharge. I can say that I did and I'm glad for it.

When I say "break," I mean from everything. I took the weekend off from exercising and didn't really count everything I ate. I didn't post because there wasn't much to report. Between cleaning the house and running errands, I got a lot of sleep this weekend. I really feel like I needed it.

Even though I had today off from work and I had decided to let myself have the whole weekend off (we actually get Heritage Day off where I work so I had a long weekend), I worked out this morning. It felt really good to get back to it and I don't think that I'll take the whole weekend off next weekend. This week is going to be kind of brutal at the office so I know that I'm definitely going to need the workouts to keep the stress at bay.

Whatever happens this week, I feel rested and ready to face it. Hopefully, we'll all have a good week!

Friday, February 13, 2004

happy friday

I think that yesterday just melted away or something. I just realized that I hadn't posted, how odd!

I had my doctor's appointment on Wednesday. As always it was terrific and encouraging. My doctor was really happy to hear that I was once again close to "virgin fat territory" after the Christmas gain. She actually really laughed when I used that expression, I don't think she'd heard it before. I'm really lucky to have her and I'm so glad that I see her once a month. I told her about the stomach bug but forgot to mention the way I've been feeling this week.

I think I have finally figured out why I'm having such a tough time getting up in the morning this week though. This morning I had no problem walking up. I opened my eyes, the clock said 4:35 a.m. and I hopped out of bed. Of course, I couldn't breathe. My entire right sinus was completely blocked. Last night after dinner, I got really stuffy and would have killed to have been able to sneeze, you know the feeling? When I getting ready to go to sleep, I noticed that I had this weird puffiness under my right eye and I was really zonked out by the time we got to bed. This morning when I got up, I couldn't breathe but the weird puffiness has disappeared. I guess I've been fighting some kind of sinus cold thing all week. That really explains a lot.

Despite the cold thing, I managed to get some exercise in this morning. I did 10 minutes of upper body exercise (that was all I could muster with the non-breathing thing) and had a good ride on my bike. I generally watch Dr. Phil on tape while I'm riding and it just makes it go by so quickly. Work should go by pretty quickly today as I have a lot of stuff piled up on my desk right now. It's a good busy though, the kind I actually like so it's not bad at all. Snot issues aside, it's actually shaping up to be a great Friday!!

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

hump day blues

Well, not the blues so much as the blahs I guess.

I wish that I had something really super exciting to post today but I don't. Sorry, I'm boring, what can I say?

We did end up going out for dinner last night with out little old guy. We had Chinese and there was so many nice veggie and chicken dishes that it wasn't hard at all staying on plan. After dinner, we stopped at Costco to stock up on veggies for home and I managed to avoid the M&M cookies again. I'm not sure what it is exactly about them that keeps calling my name. It's really difficult to stop and pick them up but I did it.

I would have given anything to have stayed in bed again this morning. I wish I understood what was happening but I just don't feel like I can get enough sleep lately. It's been since I was sick a couple of weeks ago actually. My appetite is raging all the time too. I did get up though, I did exercise and I did have a healthy breakfast. I know that sleeping in, skipping my workout and eating something fattening for breakfast would have just made me feel bad so I'm glad that I didn't.

This afternoon I go back to the doctor for my monthly check in with her. She's always really supportive and encouraging so I always feel good after my appointments with her. So, like I said, no news. They do say (whoever "they" are) that "no news is good news." I guess on a blah day like this, that's true.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

stinky potlucks

You know how sometimes, when you're at work, folks around you might be cooking or eating something that just smells wonderful and it makes you really really want to not to stick your program? Well, that is so not happening in our office today. A select group of individuals are having a "surprise" potluck for a pregnant coworker. They didn't have in their own building though, they are having it here in the building I work in. Now, I'm not a fan in any way shape or form of potlucks. I like to know exactly what goes into what I'm eating and that there wasn't a big 'ole cat sitting on the counter while it whatever it is was being prepared. I'm not sure what they are eating downstairs right now but it stinks to high heaven. Right now there are snow squalls happening but we have our windows wide open....It's that bad. It smells like a combination of bad Mexican and bad Indian food. It all makes me really grateful that I wasn't on the "A" list for this event. ~shiver~ At least the smell isn't making me drool or anything. Gross!

Today's going okay so far. I had the toughest time imaginable getting up this morning. I almost didn't do it, I was very close to staying in bed and blowing off exercise. I didn't though, I crawled out of the bed (literally), pulled on my workout gear and did it. I did it slowly though and I'm kind of stiff and sore right now. My thighs mostly. This is good though, it means I'm working stuff. It's not so sore that I can't walk, just enough that I can feel it. The snow and ice is really getting to me too. I'm sick to death of my boots and winter coat. I'm really looking forward to spring, probably more than I ever remember doing so in ages.

Eating has been really good the past couple of days. We had a great stir fry last night with some tofu we picked up at Costco. It was really firm and cooked up nicely. We also bought a huge bag of broccoli, already chopped up so we've been eating a lot of that lately. I love broccoli and can eat it every day so that's okay.

We'll need to pick up a few odds and ends tonight after work. We did go to the Chinese grocery last night for a few staples but we're getting low on some of our produce. We've been getting the most gorgeous peppers, snow peas and mushrooms at Costco lately. I don't know where they get their veggies but they are way fresher than they are where we normally shop. We'll probably end up back at Costco tonight and, depending on the time, might eat out after shopping. Either way, I'm most looking forward to getting home tonight and conking out on the couch. Days like this, it's a darned good thing that I do exercise in the mornings or it definitely would not get done!!

Monday, February 09, 2004

back to the grind

Monday is going well so far. It's flying by actually and I'm getting a lot of stuff done at work. Going to bed last night, I felt really rested but, for some reason, I had a really difficult time dragging my butt out of bed this morning. When I finally did, I crawled downstairs and exercised. It felt good when I was done (as it always does) but it was tough getting going. February blahs I suppose. Eating has been great today. I had a really good fat free turkey sandwich on some fabulous whole grain bread we got on the weekend. It's really tasty and I'm enjoying the change from my usual soup.

Low carbing is huge news in the media these days. What are the pros and cons of low carbing?

I can honestly say that I have no idea. I know that low (or no) carbing is something that I could never do. I understand why some folks do it, and why it works for them. For me, it seems like too much of a fad and I know that I couldn't stick with it. What I've done (and I've said this dozens of times) is figure out a program that works for me. It's basically low fat I guess and it's something that I know I can make work for me for the rest of my life. I do eat carbs but only whole grains (wheat pasta, whole grain bread, brown rice). Aside from the occasional treat, I don't have anything really which contains white sugar or white flour. I avoid the bleach at all times.

Sunday, February 08, 2004

I hope that you've all had as nice a weekend as I have had. We had talked about going out town yesterday (to see my brother's band play in Ottawa) but in the end we decided against it. The weather has just been too unpredictable lately. Staying home was a great idea though, I'm glad it worked out that way.

Today was a deliciously lazy day. I was up pretty early this morning but went back to bed for a lovely nap. It felt so good. I slept like a log for over an hour. I know that I'm still getting over that bug I had so I don't feel one little bit bad about it. Other than napping and doing a couple of loads of laundry, I basically did very little all day. We watched some tv, hung out in front of the computer and basically just vegged. It was a great day. I feel like I'm all recharged and ready for the week to come!

Saturday, February 07, 2004

It's the weekend and so far, it's going rather nicely. I did my regular Saturday morning "official" weigh-in and I'm actually down a pound this week. To be totally honest, it shocked the hell out of me but I'm really pleased about it. Exercise was a mix of shovelling and riding my recumbent bike, eating was just on the border of being okay this week (meaning I was okay as far as calories go but some things were a little fattier than I usually like them to be). I was expecting that the February boredom, the tired feeling I had all week (which led to a smidgen of snackin') would show a gain but nope, I'm down. yay! This means I'm really really close to being back into virgin fat territory again and this totally makes me smile.

I'll apologize in advance for the rambling nature of this post but I've just had a lot of this stuff swirling around in my head lately and I felt like I needed to get it out and onto the page so to speak.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the pace at which I'm losing. I'm definitely moving at a slower rate than I was last year at this time. I've been telling myself (and I believe this, I don't think it's an excuse) that the slower I lose it, the better. Afterall, this isn't a "diet" this is real life. This is not something that we'll stop doing some day, it's forever. We've changed the way we feed our bodies, I'm a regular exerciser girl now and eventually, the good things I do for myself will show the results I want. Pretty much weekly, I'm surprised (and impressed) by things my body can do that used to practically kill me before:

1. I can now shop for more than 15 minutes at a time, I can now do several hours in the mall if I feel like it. The "before" me would be gagging for air on a bench after 30 minutes.

2. I can now run up and down the stairs at work, sometimes 2 or 3 times in a row if need be, sometimes carrying boxes full of printing. The "before" me would be panting and trying to figure out how to spread it out so I didn't have to do too many trips up and down at the same time.

3. Walking, walking, walking!! The "before" me had gotten to a point where routes were carefully plotted out in advance so that the shortest distance required would be walked.

These are simple things that everyone should be able to do easily. The bottom line though is that I couldn't do them easily. I'd let myself get to a point where my fitness level was absolute shit. Even though I'm still a fat girl (and if you didn't know me and saw me on the street you might not think it possible) but I'm in great shape underneath the fat suit. Probably better than I've been since high school. I know that in the past, when I weighed less than I do right now, I was not as healthy and strong as I am now. I hold my head high now and my body moves with grace. My body doesn't lumber along the way I notice that some fat women do. I work hard to remind myself of how far I've come, and try not to dwell too much on how far I've got to go still. I'll get there eventually. It's not going to happen overnight but, as I wrote at the beginning of 2004, if I can lose 70 pounds this year, like I did in 2003, I'll be really pleased with myself. If I don't quite make it to 70 this year, it'll be okay because I'll still have lost something (40? 50? 60?) and I definitely won't have gained any and, I'll be another whole year healthier than I was before.

I think a lot about something Dr. Phil says about how no matter what you do, the next year will come and go and you'll either get real about your fat or you'll be real fat. He was right. Last year I did something about my fat and now I have less of it. This year, I'm plugging away at it again and this time next year, I'll have even less of it that I'm hauling around.

Overall, I'm focusing on all the good things that we're doing for ourselves that we hadn't been doing before. One of my resolutions this year was to not let myself get bogged down on the bad stuff and focus on the good. It's totally working. I'm finding work more manageable, for sure. I've finally figured out how to leave all the toxic stuff and the stress at work. This has helped me so much, I sleep better at night (I'm not waking myself up because I'm grinding my teeth because I'm dreaming that someone is pulling them out!) and I'm in a better mood all the time (I think anyway -- you'd have to ask my hunny for confirmation!). I feel healthy and happy and strong more often than I feel whiney, tired and/or sick. The good days far outnumber the bad ones these days. The key too is that I don't dwell on bad days (bad work days, bad eating days, bad hair days...). I just pick myself up and start fresh the next day. It's all about perspective baby,attitude is everything!

Friday, February 06, 2004

Just a quick post to check in before I head to work. Thursday went by in a bit of a blur and I didn't have a chance to post. Not quite sure how that happened, the whole week has been really busy actually. I guess it's just the aftermath of being out of commission for over a week with the flu.

Yesterday morning I actually got my butt back on my recumbent bike and did a 4.6 mile ride. By the end of it I was a bit of a hurtin' unit but in a good way. This morning though, I didn't get back on the bike. We had another snow fall overnight so I was outside shovelling at 5 a.m. We're supposed to get more snow today, oh joy, oh bliss.

Eating's been not too bad the past couple of days. I'm still feeling a little picky about what I eat as my stomach can flip flop on me at the weirdest times. I'm glad though that the raw fruit and veg I've been eating hasn't been too hard on me at all.

I'm really looking forward the weekend. I don't plan on doing too much of anything except some chores around the house. I've had the sniffles for the past couple of days and I totally don't want it to develop into a full-blown cold. I'm taking my vitamins and trying to get as much rest as possible. I'm sure that I won't let it kick my ass, not after last week anyway!! If it is actually nice out, I'd like to go for a long walk over the weekend. Of course, that will be contingent on the city actually plowing the sidewalks (which are a huge mess at the moment). Ah, winter in Southeastern Ontario, fun, fun, fun. I suppose it could be worse though, we could be south of lake, in Syracuse! Happy Friday all!

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

shovel shovel shovel

We had a storm last night but it wasn't really as bad as they were calling for. We had a huge dump of heavy, wet, snow between about 3 to 6 p.m. last night. At about the mid-way point in the storm, we got home from work and cleaned up the driveway. Of course, it needed to be done again this morning and it was a huge mess. The wet snow had frozen in places and it was really disgusting work, cleaning out around the cars and getting the bottom of the drive cleared. So much for easing back into exercise with some cardio and no lifting huh? The cardio will have to wait for tomorrow.

Eating was on track yesterday and today everything is poifect so far. We're supposed to take our little old guy for groceries and then out to dinner tonight after work but I'm sure that I'll be able to find something to eat that will keep me on plan. Over the past couple of days, since I've been starting to feel better, I'm noticing that I'm hungry all the time. Now I'm guessing it's because of the toast and crackers that I ate last week (or that I didn't really eat much of anything at all?) but it's tough. I'm thinking about changing around the way I eat during the day. I generally just have soup, some raw veggies, fruit and a yogurt (for snacks and lunch). I'm thinking about introducing the odd sandwich here and there. I have found a really good fat free honey mustard that I like and some really low calorie luncheon meat (not to mention I'm a huge tuna fan). I feel like I need to shake things up a bit because I'm getting bored with what I eat during the day. I also know that if I'm going to increase the amount of strength training I'll be doing, I'll want the extra protein so it's a good trade off. I'm also hoping that it'll make this hungry-all-day-at-work feeling go away.

I know I'm just being a whiney baby, having been sick and stuff...I'm tired, I'm hungry, blah blah blah...I think that the winter is just getting to me and I'm looking for an excuse to eat because it's February and it's yucky outside. I'll get through this though. I have to. I really really want to get into my virgin fat territory by the end of this month. I know it's going to be really hard but if I stick to my guns (and avoid the cookie aisle at Costco) I'll be fine. /whiney baby rant

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Stormy Tuesdays

Freezing rain is coming down right now and folks around the office are going into a mild version of freak-out mode. If you can't take the weather, don't live in Canada (or at least don't live out in the sticks or the suburbs and then cry because you have to drive home). Sheesh, it is February afterall!!

Weather aside, I'm feeling stronger today than I did yesterday. I almost feel like I shouldn't be posting here if I'm not working out. I am eating really well though. Yesterday was a good day, today's shaping up to be a good one too. I think it's easier to be on track when the thought of anything that is either cheesey or deep fried just makes you wanna vomit! Let's hope that feeling never goes away!!

I've been working slowly at getting back to my normal eating. I had a yogurt yesterday and it was okay. Today I'm having yogurt again and some raw food, carrots, apple and an orange. I also ate more protein yesterday than I ordinarily would have but I'm feeling like I need it right now. I've gotten better at listening to body over the past year and a bit so when I hear tell me to rest or to have an extra bit of chicken with dinner, I do it.

Oh, on the NSV front, check this out. Last night after dinner, we had a bunch of errands to do. We ended up at Costco. Now, even though I'm not working out right now, walking around Costco for an hour was at least some exercise. Anyway, we've only recently joined Costco and are still learning our way around the store. While we were there, I was feeling tired and a little vulnerable to suggestions of bad stuff. I really felt like I wanted to buy some of those yummy looking M&M cookies they had there. I mean, I was sick last week, I didn't eat much at all, I could justify it, right? Wrong! I couldn't. I walked by that, all the rows of chocolate bars, the microwave popcorn that smelled all buttery, the big ass pizza, everything. We did buy some gorgeous portabello mushrooms though and a new coffee maker (a programmable one at that!) but no M&M cookies. yay me! They sure don't make it easy for a girl to get through there in one piece.

Tomorrow I think I'm going to start back to my exercise but in a really modified way. I'm thinking of leaving the weights and stuff alone for a while and just doing some gentle cardio for a few days, until the weekend and get back to normal programming on Monday. Right now I'm just going to take it day by day and see how that goes!

Monday, February 02, 2004

Being sick has really thrown me for a loop. I actually got through all of yesterday and today has been good so far, without being sick again. I'm still feeling very weak and tired though. I know that this is because I basically ate nothing for almost a week. I mean, I ate toast and ginger ale and soup but I didn't really keep any of it for very long. When I got up this morning, I really wanted to exercise but just couldn't bring myself to do it. Physically, I feel very weak. Last night was the first proper meal I'd had in a while and (my hunny made us a delicious dinner of stir fried skinless chicken breast with snow peas and mushroom) I kept it down. I'm guessing that it is going to take a few days of proper eating to build my strength back up again.

Since I've been feeling better, I'm eating in a totally different way though. I haven't had any dairy, raw veg or fruit (because I've been advised against it, along with anything fatty) so I've been eating a lot of fat free or low fat carb stuff (clear soups, crackers, toast) with very lean protein and cooked veg only. I'm still having my cranberry juice but have been afraid of anything that is too acidic. Keeping my calories under control the past day or so has not been a problem at all.

As I said before, in a few days I should be back to normal. I just had no idea that it would take me so long to get back to feeling normal again. Usually when I'm sick, I just bounce right back. This thing really kicked my ass!

Depends on what I'm doing. If I'm just riding my bike, I'm watching tv so I'm thinking about the tv show. If I'm doing other things, I'm generally concentrating on what I'm doing, making sure that I don't hurt myself!

Sunday, February 01, 2004

alive

Going back to work on Thursday proved to be a huge mistake. I think that staying in the office all day, I just really over-did it and was sick again on Friday. I actually went in to work for a couple of hours on Friday morning but ended up leaving before 10 a.m. and crashed out for the rest of the day. I was up again most of Friday night and felt really terrible for the best part of yesterday. We had errands to do with our little old guy though so I dragged myself out to give him a hand. We were only out for a couple of hours but I felt really terrible by the time we got home and spent the rest of the afternoon either in bed or in the washroom. Last night, however, I slept better than I have in days and I'm actually starting to feel "normal" again.

Hopefully, tomorrow or Tuesday, I'll be back to feeling 100% and I can get back to exercising again. I haven't exercised since last Monday but I've also not eaten much (and what I have eaten hasn't stayed with me for long) so the "upside" of this, if you could call it that, is that I've shown a loss this week. Last week, I'd been stuck and didn't lose anything but after this week, I've almost lost my Christmas weight gain and am within spitting distance of virgin fat again. I wish that I didn't have to get really sick to have that happen but at least I can see one good thing come out of it.