18wk Loss

On Tuesday, Oct 9th, I took my 2yr old to make regular OB check up to hear the heartbeat. My son was very aware about the growing "Baby Bean" in Mommy's belly. The doppler went on and we heard nothing. I knew that moment my baby was gone

Waited for the ultrasound and it unfortunately confirmed my suspicions . I tried to hold it together, because I did not want my little boy to see me so upset. But it naturally came out. I hyperventilated and was crying so loud it hurt. I then had to wait for someone to come get my son, so I could sit down with my OB.

It was determined that my baby probably died 2 weeks ago and I had no idea. The choice I had to make was either to deliver the baby (which was too hard to comprehend) or have a D&E. I chose the D&E. I had to wait until Friday for that. Knowing that the baby was still inside me, deceased for that long, was ripping me apart. I had to go through the very painful procedure of dilating the cervix on Thursday.

I have barely slept in 4 days. Before the surgery, I was sure that I would die with the baby. I had a high risk of bleeding or possible hysterectomy. So I talked to God the whole night. Telling him it wasn't my turn yet. And I swear he whispered back to me and said that I needed to share my story with others to help them and myself.

Friday came and we had a chaplain read to very beautiful prayers, one for my husband and I and one for the baby. We felt some comfort. Then the surgery happened. I woke up in recovery and first thing I said was, "I'm alive". What will keep me going is knowing that I have my son and husband to take care of. And I know that my late stepmother(who raised me since I was 4) is watching my little one for me, until it's my turn to get there.

For all of you who have experienced loss like this, my heart goes out to you. To lose a child has to be one of the worst things we are put through. I hope you all find some peace in prayer, like I have in this past week. I have never personally talked to God before, but somehow through this experience, I found my faith.

Thanks for sharing your story. It brought tears to my eyes. I lost my little boy at 17wks and I too brought my 2yr old son to the appointment, thinking it'd be a regular OB visit and i turned out to be one of the worst days of my life. My doctor didnt do a good job of explaning things to me. So i went through actual delivery with contractions and all. But i do believe everything happens for a reason so i try to hang onto that everytime i feel myself slipping into being depressed.

In so sorry for your loss.. I also lost my son at 34 weeks. My placenta ruptured and was internally bleeding and didn't even know it. I had to have an emergency csection. I too didn't know if I would wake up from it all. Loosing my son has brought me closer to God and has changed my life. I see life in a different light and I'm so grateful for all the blessing in my life. Thank u for sharing your story. I hope God Continues to bring u peace.