Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Can't we all just get along?

Something occurred to me when I was driving the other day. Someone clearly wasn't paying attention to what they were doing or had no depth perception and cut me off, then pretty much stopped dead on the shoulder of the road to allow me to pass, but of course all they did was make me stop because if he was stupid enough to cut me off he was stupid enough to do it again when I tried to get past.

So I honked at him; not a polite "go ahead" honk, more of a "WTF are you doing dumbass?" honk. As I completed my drive I started thinking to myself "What on earth did that honk accomplish? He knew he fucked up long before I honked at him, and it's not like I feel any better. What was the point of that?" (This is coming back to WoW eventually, I promise!)

So I thought more about it; I have a number of traits I am not fond of, one of which being that, in some arenas of my life, I know that I am a jerk. I'm that kid on the playground that was insecure and took it out on the smaller ones. I am a Trade troll, I am a smart ass, and I am downright mean to people very often. I fully admit I feel confident behind a computer screen but would cower in fear before I spoke to someone in person the way I do to strangers on the internet.

But what does that accomplish? Nothing. It makes me look like a douche to a bunch of people. Sometime people will laugh and take my side, I think this is why I've kept up with this kind of attitude since I was a young teen. I eventually, through picking on the "right people," amass a group of "friends" who help me pick on people. It makes me feel powerful, when in real life I'm actually very very submissive and not apt to want to bother anyone.

I am, when it comes right down to it, a mean person and a complete asshole, especially on the internet. (Many in the blogging community don't see it, but anyone from Argent Dawn has probably seen me mouthing off in Trade more often than not.)

After thinking long and hard about this after the driving incident, about how my first reaction is often to be an ass to someone who I don't even know, for no reason other than to make myself feel better, I decided I wanted to try to turn over a new leaf. I want to try to be a more friendly person, and basically follow the "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all" rule.

Tonight while I was getting bent over in a rated battleground (PvP frustrates me immensely and was definitely a supreme test of my new outlook) I was getting more and more frustrated. Someone whispered me about the Winged Lion Mounts and how they were so cool. I informed the person that I really thought they looked neat too, but I couldn't afford one.

Now, I don't honestly recall how I met this person. I know they came along to my ICC 25s and I made sure they were in for our Light of Dawn kill. One night, I recall, we were chatting away and he mentioned the Insane grind. I have so much rare ink backed up that I just gave him tons of free lowbie decks and inks. It was very uncharacteristic of me, but sometimes I'll just have these random streaks of generosity.

As I was saying, this person whispered me and we chatted briefly about the Winged Lions and within a few moments I had an e-mail. This kind guy had gifted me a Winged Lion as a show of of appreciation for the Light of Dawn kill! I'm immensely grateful, and if you are reading this I want to thank you again, I love the mount so much!

I tied this back into what I'd been thinking of: What's ever come of my being a dick to people I don't even know? Visible results are the fact that, though some people think I'm just the most awesome thing ever on my server, I think most of the server probably thinks I'm a douchebag. And I don't blame them for that.

But for this guy I was nothing but nice. I was always kind to him when he came to my raids, I gave him things I had no use for, etc. We became friends, I like to think, and here I am today with a friend and a Winged Lion.

I've decided I like this. I would rather have friends than a reputation as a douche, wouldn't you? Even if I don't end up with store mounts and pets. ;] I've decided I love the good feeling I get knowing there's someone out there I helped, and who appreciated what I did for them, and I hope I can create a lot more of those people and a lot fewer who think I'm a complete bitch.

That said, I then naturally turned this thought process to another big part of my WoW life, blogging. There's a lot of negative energy in the gold blogosphere lately. I've had some of it myself. For example, I do wish people would be more courteous when posting topics someone had already posted on. (Google topics before you post them, check for other posts, share some link love, done!) I wish people wouldn't discredit others based on arbitrary things like the amount of gold they have, etc. etc.

But I'm not going to nitpick points and shun people for getting into Twitter fights or join in with the drama in any way. I just wanted to issue an invitation to all bloggers to join me in trying to adopt a new philosophy: If what you're putting out there doesn't create good, don't put it out there. It's easy to get pissed off, defensive, or even not like someone else. But where does creating a huge fuss or starting a fight get you? Nowhere, other than right where you started but a bit more pissed off, possibly with a worse reputation.

It's hard for me, I've already slipped up a few times, but I think in the end I'll feel better about who I am and how I treat others, and I hope to keep this up for the rest of my life.

On Gold Making: I have so many backed up videos it makes me cringe. I can't upload new videos until sleep lines up for my boyfriend and I, since our connection bogs down terribly if we try to upload during anything else. Unfortunately our sleep hasn't lined up. But when it does you are in for a tidal wave of videos the likes of which you have never seen. =O

Also, I participated in The Consortium's gold making competition and came out in first place! Please check out all of the entries, they were great fun to read and I really enjoyed participating in the competition.

Hi there, I'm a first time reader of your blog; just happened to stumble across it tonight, and I have to say that I love what you've written here! It's extremely admirable for you to want to work to change yourself for the better!! I encourage you to stay the course through the hard times and pause to take in the full meaning and benefit of the good times! It really is incredible to read about somebody so boldly identify herself as a "douche" and such only to publicly declare your personal challenge to make yourself a more friendly human being! Way to go!! THAT is worth a real life "grats"! :)

I just read over all 5 contest threads (4 entries & poll) and must say I respect everyone for their efforts. I enjoy how everyone had their own unique ideas. It made reading each entry enjoyable.

In response to your post, I've read your blog on several occasions (mostly when TUJ leads me here) & I'm quite surprised to learn of this "dark" side. I'm happy to hear your willingness to change & think it's awesome somebody gifted you that new mount. I wonder if they had to wait in a queue for an hour like my girlfriend did.

I suppose good things do happen to good people. Personally, I put habitual trolls on my ignore list & make a point to never make financial transactions with that person if I can help it. The rich can be choosers, afterall. ;)

Just tell me you never used the xbox 360 troll line or I may walk away...

As someone that is not 'as young as I used to be', I have often joked with people, "I need more patience... and @#$@# IT, I NEED IT NOW!!"

I have actually been able to increase my patience in myself and overall tolerance of... well... other people... for lack of a better way to put it. BUT, it is an ongoing process and something I feel, at least in myself will take a lifetime of tweaking.

Good... no, GREAT on you for realizing that you have the problem and then actually wanting to change it. The road to becoming the person you want to be starts with realizing that you aren't already there. Every step after that gets you closer to where you want to be.

I commend you on beginning your journey and hope you enjoy the person you are becoming.

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