July 6, 2009

Ok folks. We’re gonna rewind a bit. Back to when I lived with Josh, before I left the first time. Way before i began feeling like i NEEDED to leave. This is a story I have NEVER told in full detail, so this is gonna be rough. This is a necessary trip back, as I will need to refer to it in my next ‘Step’. Thank you for your patience.
Its a normal July Monday, hot as hell, but otherwise normal. Present at the house were Josh’s mom, Kim, and her boyfriend, Roger. Also, his brother Tim, and his 9 month pregnant girlfriend, Bridgette. And his Nana & her man, Ernest, and my 3 oldest kids. The kids were watching tv in the living room, because Josh and I were in our room, ‘having words’. I have no idea what our argument was about, not a clue. Its irrelevent. We were sitting on the bed, listening to Marilyn Manson, and discussing our future. Whatever the problem was, apparently it was a big one. We were discussing an amicable split, when we heard commotion through the house. Josh went to check it out. Tim and Roger were ALSO having words, tho theirs weren’t as calm as ours. All I heard from the bedroom was Tim yelling something about Rogers attitude, and about him slamming down a beer can. *shrugs* Nothing unusual in this house. Suddenly I hear LOUDER commotion from that direction. I go to the living room and check on the kids. Still watching tv, paying no mind. Good babies. Not that 14, 12, & 9 are babies, but….anyway. A fight had broken out in Kim & Rogers room. All four involved. Roger, Kim, Josh, & Tim. Still, nothing out of the ordinary around here. Bridgette is standing in the doorway, I think she was in shock, to be honest. Just frozen there. So I took her by the shoulders, told her she’s pregnant, doesnt need to be anywhere near all that. Called for the kids, and took them all to our room. Shut the door behind me. *deep breath* Little did I know, 1. I had just done exactly the right thing by closing those four more sensitive souls in the bedroom, and 2. I was about 5 seconds away from the most traumatic event of my entire 33 years. I walked back up the hallway to where everyone was, and just as I reached the doorway, Josh came running towards me, yelling “BABY CALL 911 NOW! IM BLEEDING!” I looked down, and he was holding his right hand over his lower left arm, and…..OH MY GOD! Blood was EVERYWHERE! I ran for the phone while he was getting a towel to wrap around his arm. When I picked up the phone, I heard nothing. WHAT THE FUCK? Wait. The bedroom extension. Bet it was knocked off the hook in the mayhem. I hang it up and run back to the bedroom where I find Kim, already hanging up the phone to make the call. So I go to Josh. His Nana has helped him to the front porch to wait for the ambulance. I have no idea how, she was 68 years old, and he weighed 290. Hand of a Higher Power, I believe. Just as I was busting out the front door she was lifting him from the broken chair to another. Yeah. Higher Power. I finally get to him, and he is fading FAST. Losing WAY too much blood. I ran to grab my shoes, and when I returned, got ANOTHER shock. There was Tim, sitting on the steps, with 2 stab wounds to his left arm/shoulder. That was all I could SEE. He had 6 total. None as deep or severe as Josh’s one was. Finally we hear the sirens. I ask what the hell happened? Where’s Roger? Roger, also a crack-head-who-knows-what-else-drunk, had gotten pissed off, pulled a knife on Kim, and when the boys attemted to thwart him, protect their mother, he turned the knife on them. Both are big boys, Tim way tougher. Been to prison, all that. So the cutting commences, all happened in seconds. Once the blood was flowing, Roger ran out the back door. When the cops came, all they found was 2 men stabbed, 2 rooms a porch and 4 of us covered in blood, and Rogers baseball cap lying in the backyard. No Roger, no weapon. Thank Goddess we lived in the city, only a mile from the hospital, any longer and I would’ve lost him forever, right there on his front porch. They stop in front of the house, and proceed to tend to Tim. We all said “NO! THIS ONE FIRST!!!” Josh was already passing out from blood loss. They hurried him to the ambulance, after attempting to at the very least slow the blood flow. It didn’t help much, but something was better than nothing. They asked if anyone was riding along. In unison,“I am.”Me of course, that’s my HUSBAND in there, and Kim. That’s her only two sons in there. I have never bucked up to this woman, for I do not have a death wish. ( She’s a 250 lb crack head, and would eat me for a snack) But on this day, I made my stand. I looked her dead in the eyes, and told her the only way I wouldn’t be in that ambulance with him was if I was struck down, there and then. And she knew it was so. NOTHING short of my own untimely demise would keep me out of that ambulance. She simply nodded, and headed for the car, to follow behind. They then covered the front seat with a sheet, and wrapped me in one. Why…..I looked down just in time to see that my clothes were covered in blood. Hadn’t had time to notice. Then the sheet was around me, and I was inside the ambulance. I turned to see Josh lying on the stretcher, not moving. I looked at Tim, sitting beside him, and asked with my eyes, “Is he breathing? Alive?” He nods, and I breathe. I say “Baby, I know you can hear me. I’m right here, and will not leave your side for a second. I love you my angel.” I see his head nod ever so slightly, he heard. I face front again, and cry like never before…..