Sibling Rivalry in Early Childhood

If you are a parent of more than one child than you most like have experienced sibling rivalry, that constant nagging, pushing the other person’s buttons, wanting what the other one has or can do, or the “he said/she said” scenarios! Sibling rivalry can be so frustrating for parents but I am sure it is frustrating and stressful for the siblings, too. Yet there can be a daily soap opera playing out before our eyes of the good, the bad and the ugly of sibling relationships.

We straight away wonder ‘Is it just our children? Why are THEY so bad?’

Social development of children starts right from birth. Babies hear our voices even when their eyes cannot see perfectly yet. This is the beginning of social interaction-listening to someone. They then move on to establishing eye-contact and then we see that first smile that shows the connection we have built in just a few weeks! This first year is all about the enjoyment of interdependence. In the following two years, we move on to more autonomy – children become more wilful and often this age is marked by what we call tantrums! During this time, we teach children to share, take turns and become more aware of the negative impacts of some of their actions. From 3-6 years, children show more initiative and purpose to what they are doing. They have developed a feeling of guilt if they have done something wrong.

When families grow and more siblings come along problems can occur right after birth of a new brother or sister. The other child has to adjust their position in the family hierarchy and this can lead to behavioural problems. As they get older sibling rivalry can present as jealousy, competition and in fighting with each other. Many parents are worried about this.

Children display sibling rivalry for many reasons: It can just be part of normal development. As children grow their own personality and become independent individuals they express this and it can clash with other individuals around them, in this case their siblings. The home environment is often a safe place for self-expression in a way children (and adults) would not act in public. As long as it is not harmful to them or others it can be seen as normal growth of their own identity and an experiment how to express this identity. However, aggression and physical fighting should not be seen as normal and must be addressed and redirected.

Other factors can influence sibling rivalry like the mentioned arrival of a new baby: if parents favour one child over another, which can often happen subconsciously, if parents or children are particularly stressed and have a short fuse, parents going through a separation can or major changes in a child’s life (death in the family, moving house/town).

The way to address sibling rivalry is by spending equal amounts of quality time with each child. This can be tricky with the demands of younger children but often time can be spent after younger children have gone to bed or special one-on-one time can be scheduled maybe once a week like a date. Avoid favouritism and allow each child to develop their individual personality. Outbrakes of fighting, especially if they become physical, must be stopped and as parents it is our job to role model positive alternatives to fighting like having a civilised discussion where everyone will be heard and everyone can learn to make compromises. Parents can watch out for triggers like time of day, level of tiredness, stress factors like school or other issues in the children’s lives – these can be used to give early warnings to prevent a quarrel or fight. Some children may need extra help managing anger issues which can be provided by a specialist like a therapist or councillor.

In a quarrel help your child to express feelings rather than engaging in argument over who started it. Allow them to share their side of the story and support them to find resolutions. Aim for a win-win result but even if not everyone is happy at the end, it will be a long-term lesson in how to negotiate in an appropriate manner. Regular family meetings can be a helpful tool to bring everyone together and teach those skills.

In time children will get to know each other better, accept each other’s differences and individuality and learn to avoid arguments in the first place. This should restore the peace in your house again!

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About the Author

Carolin Riley is the co-owner of Parkside Early Learning Centre in Gympie together with her husband Andrew Riley. She has worked in childcare for over 10 years in countries such as Germany, England, New Zealand and Australia.

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An approachable and caring centre who have always taken on board suggestions, opinions and welcomed our family into the centre. A wonderful recent outdoor area transformation.
Owners that took the time to get to know us. Staff who arrange some fantastic adventures and activities for my child when I am unable to and I thank them for that.
Every childcare centre has flaws but it takes a good team to keep it going and this place continues to do that.read more

As only a new family to Parkside all ai have to say is wow! Family owned and operated is a huge thing and the owner Mr Andrew is amazing, barely talks to me but he completely focus's on my children, even getting down to their level to talk to them. The other team members are all fantastic, my toddler and 8yo love it there. Cannot fault them :) Highly recommended!read more

The owners Andrew and Carolyn are awesome. They are hard working honest folk who have created an environment where the staff are thriving . As a result the children and families are really well looked after. Could not rate them highly enough!read more

After returning to work fulltime i starting looking at all the daycare centres in gympie. I found it quite daunting to be putting the trust of looking after my son in someone elses hands.
After finding parkside early learning centre with their amazing staff, very accommodating and friendly nature was a wonderful relief.
Now 7 months later my son is growing mentally in leaps and bounds, and it is now a struggle to get him to leave in the afternoons.
Thankyou to all the parkside staff for their amazing contributions to make my son feel safe, and expand his learning capabilities.read more

Last year we were looking around for a new kindy for our son, we visited Parkside and 9 months on my little boy still talks about how great the place is, sadly we didn't put our little guy in at Parkside only because school was starting within a few months, we do however look forward to sending our littlest one to Parkside, when the time comes for him to start. We love seeing the owners of Parkside at community events and it really shows how committed they are to the children of Gympie region, as a mother of 3 and someone who has worked with children for 9 years, I know a quality centre when I see one, it also just has that vibe a parent needs to reassure them when they walk in and look around, all the staff and the owners should be incredibly proud of there hard work, we look forward to being apart of the Parkside community in the future.read more

Parkside is definitely one of Gympie's best child care centres. Andrew has carefully picked his staff and it shows. They are all wonderful. My kids love coming to day care. My daughter's speech has improved since interacting and communicating with other children. They learn new things everyday and love all the different activities. Yogo is one of their favourites! I can't thank the staff enough for being so kind and Caring to my girls.read more

I just wont to say thank you so much for having my girls best center i have been to sad that we have to move but will keep in touch thank u to all the lovely staff thea leia and i will miss u allread more

I love teaching Yoga here at Parkside. The staff are so supportive, caring and interactive. The children are sunny shiny faces that light up your day. Parkside, thank you for asking me to share Yoga with your little ones... <3 What a treat... Paula from free2b Yoga & PTread more

Hope u have a great last day today Logan. Its so unfortunate that u have to leave Parkside. But we have to move. We have been a part of the Parkside family for almost a year now with 2 of my boys going there. I would like to say a big thank u so much to all the stuff at Parkside for everything u have done for my 2 boys. When Jay stated there after the September holidays last year he couldn't talk to well. But after being with u for only a few weeks his speech picked up so much. I didn't think he would be able to start prep because of it. But u guys got him there. And Logan over the year he has picked up so much going to Parkside. He looks forward to seeing the bus pull up for him every week. Its going to be sad to say good by but its something we must do. Thank u again from our family. ���read more

A wonderful centre with lovely educators who are fantastic with the kids. We investigated all the centres in town and this was the only one where my baby daughter relaxed, smiled and interacted with the staff. On picking her up after her first day, I came in to hear her laughing, not to mention the lovely little photo collage. Can't rate this place highly enough!read more

The smiles on the kids faces say it all!
Andrew, Carolin and all of the teaching staff put their heart and soul into this place on a daily basis and it definitely shows. Whilst having healthy meals prepared for the kids definitely takes a weight off my mind.read more

We love this centre. They have kind caring teachers and we love that they teach foreign languages. We also love the way that Mr Andrew and Miss Carolin are excited to be teaching young children, with their own children in mind.read more

When my son 1st started at parkside we both cried, it was our 1st day away from one another!! The Teachers were amazing!! They managed to settle my than two year old down like magic and to my surprise he wanted to keep coming back!! My son has leant so much since signing up at parkside!! His ABC being a proud moment � but... most importantly he has endless fun with friends and staff in a friendly, safe environment.
I absolutely love all the painting, crafts and photos he brings home just for mum and dad, they melt our hearts. The new free healthy breakfast/lunches are great too even for my little fussy eater. Definitely give parkside a go you won't regret it!!read more

I work at Parkside as the Early Childhood Teacher and never been happier..I am passionate about teaching young children but I know Carolin and Andrew the owners are more passionate along with all the staff who share their days with the children in their care.read more