What do you do when your gf/bf cheats on you?

: Your world has come crashing down. The emotional rug has been pulled out from underneath you, without closure. Finding out that your significant other hasn’t thought of you as significant as you have, is probably the worst feeling ever. The trust, memories and affection that’s been built up over the time now means nothing.

But before jumping to any irrational conclusions, first figure out if he/she really cheated or not. Get clear confirmation through mutual friends. When the cruel but inevitable news becomes truth, well, it’s time to end the relationship. It’s time to breakup.

Over the course of your relationship, many of your small, daily habits would have his/her scent left on them. The good morning texts that woke you up every morning, small walks together down the hallway between classes, and the weekend strolls you took together through the city are now all missing. So try to fill up these gaps with new hobbies, and new people! Learn how to cook. Hit the gym. Say hi to that one person you always see in class, but never struck up a conversation with. It’s easier said than done, of course, but it gets better everyday.

Keep in mind, a relationship doesn’t end when you keep grudges, jealousies, or regrets towards your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend. Negative emotions are still emotions. A relationship ends when indifference is the only emotion you have towards him/her.

Here are three important points to remember in the process of a breakup.

No contact!

Try to cut all connections that you had with your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend. Unfollow/block them on social media, get rid of mementos of your relationship, and avoid opportunities to meet him/her. This will give you some time and space to reconsider things that happen in your relationship, and ultimately yourself.

Realize that you’re not alone

Surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you. Family members and friends are always there to support you and love you. Spend more time with these people to keep your mind off of your ex.

Stop putting him/her on the pedestal

Acknowledge that he/she wasn’t perfect for you. This step is to avoid delving into regrets and “what if’s”. Start highlighting your own attributes to realize the things you did to make the relationship work out!

Last of all, don’t forget that the fact that your significant other cheated on you is NEVER a bad reflection of you. Relationships are always mutual. It was his/her decision to put behind everything you two had together, and walk out. The pain of betrayal you’re feeling right now shows that you’re a person who can prioritize another person before yourself. It shows how much you care.

Things will get better! So breathe deeply. You are worthy of love and you will one day be happy and fulfilled again. You were whole before; and you can be whole again. You’re an amazing person, so keep your head high up, and look ahead.

: As much as it’s difficult to think rationally in such situations, it’s important to understand that what you consider to be cheating might not actually be cheating.

Were you two in an exclusive relationship? Maybe it was just a one-sided affection?

If you’re blaming your boyfriend/girlfriend for cheating after discovering a frivolous Kakaotalk notification or an unproven rumor, close this article, sort it out with your partner, and learn to become more accepting in a relationship. Don’t blind yourself with jealousy and over-assumptions.

If you two were truly committed to each other and proof does arise that your partner did indeed cheat on you, well, that’s when you should read the rest of this column.

You don’t do much when your beloved really does cheat on you. You only forgive and forget. Someone who cheats once is likely to cheat again, and unless you’re willing to withstand his/her affairs numerous more times, it’s time to cut him/her off. Feelings of betrayal and shock at how trivial your relationship was will probably drown you in despondency. But know that it’s a matter of time before you mend and erase your cheating ex from not only your mind, but also from your heart. Why waste your energy dragging back home a dump of garbage when it’s conveniently walked out the door for you? Don’t say your goodbyes through a cordial text message or phone call, but meet face-to-face. Hear what he or she also has to say, and make sure you properly articulate everything that you need to address, from why you’re ending the relationship and what he or she has done wrong.

But if you’re still hopeful and eager to give your boyfriend or girlfriend another chance, the first thing to do would be to have a private conversation. Maybe you two can decide on taking a break, which enables some couples to get back together to a more durable relationship… slightly unlikely though. However, the time-out will be a good opportunity for you to wonder if you really should give your boyfriend or girlfriend another chance.

In both cases though, make sure you don’t become the same foul person that your companion decided to become. Don’t go around spreading rumors or talking badly about them, because at the end, the two of you shared memories that will be remember whether you like it or not. Others will too. Don’t you want your partner, or ex-partner, to be well-respected, since at the end, he or she also partially determines your value? Just some things to consider…

– The Blueprint Advice Team

*If you have any questions about friends, relationships, life, or just anything, email us at blueprint@kis.or.kr and we’ll answer them in the next column!