Worker Who Forgot Email Attachment Expects Coworkers To Forgive Her Just Like That

workplace

NEW YORK—After reviewing the job candidate’s impressive educational background, research experience, and work history, hiring managers at Geneventis Pharmaceuticals reportedly flat-out asked female applicant Caitlyn Heard today about how much mileage they can get out of her before she has a baby.

HOBOKEN, NJ—In a concerted effort to eliminate any possibility of perceived resentment or antagonism, local account manager Jessica Koerper reportedly cycled through a variety of non-threatening voice inflections in her head Friday before vocalizing a concern to her manager.

BLOOMINGTON, IN—Hoping the detour would ensure he never so much as exchanged one word with that prick from accounting, Peak Industries employee Brian Dahl hastily changed his trip to the kitchen into a trip to the bathroom in order to avoid a despised coworker, sources confirmed Monday.

MILPITAS, CA—Saying his casual writing style made him “stand out immediately,” sources at Redding Media reported Monday that the informal tone of Michael Yanover’s job application had set him apart from the candidates under serious consideration.

POTOMAC, MD—Providing male employees with an alternative to the standard one or two weeks off, executives from investment firm Wyndham Capital announced Tuesday that the company had begun offering extended paternity leave to any new fathers wanting more time to lose their colleagues’ respect.

BLOOMINGTON, IN—A new study published Friday by researchers at Indiana University revealed that U.S. citizens waste approximately 2 million hours annually trying to figure out where a roll of tape starts.

AKRON, OH—Squandering the authority and respect accumulated during his tenure, Pantheon Systems senior manager Robert Crawford, 52, reportedly had his clout instantly evaporate Thursday upon his being seen wearing shorts at the company’s annual summer picnic.

NEW YORK—While she regularly offers guidance to younger women as they make their way in an industry largely dominated by men, Colleen Miller of tech firm Roltronix told reporters Tuesday she also enjoys knocking one or two down from time to time, just as a treat to herself.

HARTFORD, CT—Noting that they had never seen such a bold and impressive show of dominance, Burkart Industries employees confirmed Monday that account analyst Ken Perlis just looked like a total badass when he threw a fit and stormed out of the room during a meeting.

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Worker Who Forgot Email Attachment Expects Coworkers To Forgive Her Just Like That

UPPER DARBY, PA—In a shameless attempt to persuade colleagues to excuse her incompetent mistake, local account supervisor Casey Collins, who forgot to include an email attachment earlier today, apparently expected her coworkers to forgive her just like that, shocked sources confirmed. “She thinks she can carelessly leave out the document, follow up with the line ‘Sorry guys, here it is!’ and expect us to straight up forgive her? Unbelievable,” said coworker Marc Graham, glaring at the audacious message, which reportedly concluded with “my bad” in a final, desperate attempt to atone for the egregious error. “She’s lucky she remembered to attach the file so quickly afterward, but if she thinks that wiped the slate clean, then she is sorely mistaken. Maybe a few months from now, but just a couple minutes after she did something like this? No way.” At press time, sources confirmed that a number of seething colleagues had slammed their laptops shut and stormed out of the office to collect themselves.