Right now Carl Monday is snapping down the protective visor on his riot helmet, scrambling into the back of the WKYC Action News van and yelling "Let's roll!" Yes, the big Masturbate-A-Thon is tomorrow,* which, if you live in Europe, still leaves you plenty of time to get to Drop Studios in London for the 2 p.m. tip-off. We'd just like to remind all prospective tossers, however, that this is not a free-for-all. There are rules, as listed on the official 2006 Masturbate-A-Thon site:

It is at once Carl Monday's worst nightmare, and everyone else's dream come true. On…
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• 1. No touching other participants.
• 2. NO FAKING ORGASMS! Do not waste our time. If you have an orgasm we are happy for you, but this is not our goal.
• 3. No Drugs or Alcohol, and No Smoking.
• 4. DO NOT Exchange Sex Toys.