Saturday, January 3, 2009

So I'm watching the halftime show of NBC's Atlanta - Arizona telecast and who is seated between The Bus and Boy Wonder Costas? No other than Mr. 31 - 97, the architect of the first 0-16 team in the history of the National Football League, and Mr. 2nd Highest Paid General Manager himself, Matt Millen.

There he is above, sitting in front of all his draft picks that panned out.

What the hell is NBC thinking? I'm beginning to think Millen somehow managed to get his hands on J. Edgar's infamous files. How does he continuously get these "Captains of Industry" to give him money?

How sterling is his rep? How about this nugget from a WSJ article last year:

NFL executives are loath to criticize one of their own openly. But talk to themin private and nearly all concede that Detroit Lions President and CEO MattMillen has made more bad draft decisions than anyone else in two centuries.

It took his teams THREE YEARS to win a road game (0-24 before winning one on the road). Approximately 3 years ago, a fan was tackled by security for displaying a sign that read "Fire Millen" at a Detroit Lions home game. That began a viral campaign that wound up with the phrase being chanted at Michigan State, Detroit Pistons and Detroit Red Wings games. Signs popped up on College Gameday, in the comic strip Gil Thorp, the Division II Championship Game and WWE events. It inspired a local radio station to stage a "Millen Man March."

So despite the fact that they have Bob Costas, Keith Olbermann, Dan Patrick, Chris Collinsworth, Jerome Bettis, Tiki Barber and Peter King, NBC just could not resist snatching up this football guru.

About Me

I am a bold figure, often seen powerwalking and crushing cans. I have been known to rock a microphone. I translate American Idol for enemy noncombatants. I routinely manage to infurriate DC Metro service personel. I woo women with my impressive name-dropping and my astounding ability at butterbean shelling.
When I'm bored, I take a case of wine over to my friend's house and get introduced to all the Puerto Rican girls who are dying to meet me.
I am a logical negativist who has propounded a set of laws that the world ignores, to its detriment.
I am an expert in Post-Civil War Reconstruction, a veteran of Greenwood Baseball, and an outlaw in Murrell's Inlet.
I once built a perpetual motion machine with Steve Roberts. I make homemade Sprite. I have been and remain on double secret probation.
The Russians call me "Vilnius Nastavic," because I require but one ping. I used to handle black ops for the United States Postal Service. I helped open Dog One and have doctored flight logs for rising 5-star colonels.
I have driven from Texarkana to Atlanta in 28 hours. I had no fatalities during my brief career on the safety patrol.