The Details

Bible dipping (noun): The practice of asking God a question, flipping to a random bible passage and drawing divine inspiration from it. Tori dipping: Doing the same thing with Tori Spelling’s new book, Uncharted TerriTori.

Question: Where should I go for lunch? Tori-dipped answer: “This private moment is finally happening in public.” Verdict: A restaurant with outside seating, perhaps in Town Square.

Question: Will the post office be busy at 4 p.m. today? Tori-dipped answer: “Finally, after what seemed like a silent eternity, I quietly texted two people: Dr. J, my friend and obstetrician, and Mehran, my gay husband.” Verdict: Yes, it will be filled with doctors and closeted homosexuals.

Question: Should I go to the flash mob at Aria tonight? Tori-dipped answer: “I hadn’t seen my mother in two years.” Verdict: No; I should fly to Michigan and see my mom.