Yesterday actor Harrison Ford was injured on the set of Star Wars Episode VII. The injury was due to a malfunctioning door hatch on his ship the Millennium Falcon, and also because he is quite old. Ford was airlifted to an area hospital, even though that hospital was within walking distance. Most medical experts believe he will recover.

Though the incident was minor and took place on the set of a science fiction film, Washington lawmakers would not pass on such a golden opportunity for compassionate coercion.

“Spaceships, like all other forms of transportation, need to be strictly regulated,” claims Senator George Crinklecut. “Had there been a system in place to monitor crafts like the Falcon, Mr. Ford might not have sustained such serious hatch-related injuries.”

A comprehensive probe into Spaceship, Hovercraft and Jetpack safety has been commissioned by a Senate subcommittee. They hope to enact preemptive statutory measures because, as Senator Crinklecut puts it, “getting a head-start on restricting freedom is as American as apple bongs.”