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I'm going to talk about something that happened to me this weekend. It may trigger anyone who has been accosted by a stranger, but this event ended well. I'm ok. My narrative is gender specific because it was part of the nature of the encounter. I'm aware that men need to protect themselves against harm and are needlessly victimized at times just as women are, but the fashion in which this happened is going to be told strongly through the lens of a female. I also want to make sure that you all know that I believe with my whole heart that there are plenty of men who are good through and through and would never harm another living being. I know and love several.

Ok. On with what happened.

Friday night, just before I went to the first phase of what ended up being an AMAZING weekend with good friends, I needed to make a quick stop. I had screwed my nail polish up really badly, and I just wanted to clean it all off. I was driving with a friend, and we found a CVS close to our destination.

I insisted that my friend wait in the air conditioned car while I ran in to quickly buy some stuff and clean the polish off. I promised to be quick and ran inside.

Once in, I found nail polish remover and cottonballs. I purchased both, and then decided that it would be more polite for me to use the remover in the CVS bathroom than in the car. I took my purchases to the restroom, which was inside a long corridor just off the main floor. I put my bag on the counter, opened everything up, and started to clean my fingernails.

A few moments later I saw the main door open - it was a few feet from the sink. It was a man, a bit taller than me. His hair was greasy and curly, he had a mustache, and his face looked like it hadn't been shaved in about a week. He smelled strongly of body odor. He spoke clearly, and said "Oh I'm sorry. Wrong bathroom."

Me: "No problem, it's back that way."

Him, lingering: "Um, yeah..."

That's when I noticed him staring and his eyes starting to roam. I felt a slight panic but then told myself I was being ridiculous. Then he tried to talk some more.

Him: "What are you doing?"

Me: "Removing nail polish."

Him: "Oh, one time I had tobacco stains on my fingernails and I couldn't get it out for anything."

At that point it was flagrantly uncomfortable and inappropriate that he was talking to me.

Me: "You need to leave. I need some space right now."

Him: "Oh... oh. Sorry"

He retreated and the door closed behind him. I heaved a sigh of relief and went back to my nails. Not 30 seconds later the door opened again. He was back, and this time he slipped in and closed the door behind him.

Panic. Sickness. Numbness.

Me: "Get out of here."

Him: "Stay calm, I just want to talk. You are really pretty. Just hold still."

I made a move for the door and he grabbed me. He was breathing really heavily.

In that moment time seemed to slow and I felt like my body and brain were looking down two distinctive paths. Crumple because I was scared shitless or do whatever was physically possible to get the fuck out of that room. My body took over and lurched into him and knocked him to the left - out of the way of the door. I ran out, and sprinted down the corridor. I could hear him behind me. It didn't sound like he was running after me but he was yelling.

Him: "Don't embarrass me! Don't make a big deal out of this!! It's not a big deal!!! STOP!!"

Again in slow motion, I saw the door to the main store and knew if I could get through that I would be ok. I would be around people and he couldn't do anything. At that point it hadn't occurred to me that he might have had a weapon on him. Thankfully I still don't know the answer to that.

The pharmacy was the closest staffed location, and I stopped there and shouted at them to call the police because someone had tried to assault me in the bathroom. The two women said "Who?" at the same time, like I had to explain myself.

I bolted from them to the counter near the door where there were four customers and a clerk. I ran to the front of the line and said, "I'm sorry - but there's a guy who grabbed me in the bathroom and you need to call the police." The cashier looked scared and confused, but the lady who was getting rung up snapped her out of it by scolding her. "GET ON THE PHONE AND CALL THE POLICE! MOVE!!!" So the lady did, and I could hear the man approaching us from behind.

Him: "I was just asking where the men's room is. It was a misunderstanding! She's lying!!"

Without looking back I ran out the front door, got in the car with my confused friend, and tore out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell. I've never driven without a seatbelt in my life but we went blocks before I realized where I was and what I was doing.

That is where that piece ends. Some might have argued that I should have stayed until the police arrived but my body didn't do that. I have no explanation other than adrenaline and terror needed me to be as far away from him as possible or I was going to collapse.

In the moments and hours that followed I was in the safety and confidence of some of the best people I know, and they all took great care to make me feel safe and comfortable. Not everyone in the group knew, because I was loathe to have this event touch the purpose of the gathering. There were enough who knew to take care of me.

I'm sharing this with you now because the more I reflect on what happened, the less I feel like the victim and the more I feel like the winner. My heart breaks for every woman who was unable to flee an assailant. That could have gone horribly differently, but it didn't. I pushed him off. I got away. I'm ok.

I didn't know I had it in me, but it was there. I want to share whatever strength I called upon with everyone here, men and women. I'm writing this today because I think that up until this event I had an assumption that I was bulletproof when out on my own. I've never carried mace - I've never felt the need. I walk in the dark alone. I travel alone. It never occurred to me that someone would try to shut me in a filthy drugstore bathroom and take advantage of me. Coming through this, I'm proud that I was able to get out of that situation but I have a new sense of humility when it comes to being out in the world.

Please, ladies, take an extra look around. Know where you are and who you are with. Have a safe base or an evacuation plan. I know that we can't avoid all the scumbags of the earth, but we can take extra measures for our security.

Let's send mojo, prayers, love, compassion to anyone who wasn't able to get away, and send hope for those who may need the strength someday. Don't spend it on me - I'm ok.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 10:50 PM, June 30th (Monday)]

"It is impossible to get a man to understand something if his livelihood depends on him not understanding." - Upton Sinclair

Posts: 23912 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California

HFSSC♀ 33338Member # 33338

Posted: 10:32 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014

(((jrazz)))

I am SO very glad you are okay.

Last year, a man came to our garage sale AT MY CHURCH and groped my breast. I was so absolutely shocked and invaded that I shut down. Could not move, could not say a word until after he left. Did file a police report later, but all I could say was he was a fat old redneck with a fat wife who love to go to garage sales. It's South Carolina. That could apply to over 1/3 of the population.

In all seriousness, though, I felt so powerless and weak. I am proud of and happy for you that you found your power and used it. You rock!

Me, 48
Him, 41 (JMSSC)
married 18 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 3338 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina

Jrazz♀ 31349Member # 31349

Posted: 10:36 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014

Trying not to get this shipped to General, but in truth a lot of my strength came from knowing that I could get through anything, and without SI and the surrounding events I don't think I would have had it in me.

Whatever doesn't kill us truly makes us stronger.

Thanks, HF.

"It is impossible to get a man to understand something if his livelihood depends on him not understanding." - Upton Sinclair

Posts: 23912 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California

FaithFool♀ 20150Member # 20150

Posted: 10:37 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014

I'm glad you're OK. I had an encounter like that when I was about 11 years old. I prayed and found some kind of superhuman fight in me, but he was much bigger than me and it could have ended really badly.

Thankfully someone came around the corner at just the right time and scared him off.

It's a horrible thing to have to go through. To this day I'm extremely wary of situations where I'm alone and out of earshot of people, and go out of my way to avoid those spaces and cross the street to avoid men coming in my path.

I hope they nail that guy.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 10:39 PM, June 30th (Monday)]

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 18530 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada

Sad in AZ♀ 24239Member # 24239

Posted: 10:39 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014

Holy shit J; I'm so glad you're ok. You got to experience both fight AND flight--that had to be some adrenalin buzz. No wonder you took off.

May your 2015 be more FUCK YEAH! than fuck this

Posts: 21895 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY

Kajem♀ 36134Member # 36134

Posted: 10:46 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014

(((((((Jrazz))))))))

I'm glad it ended with you being ok.

K

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 6475 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida

tesla♀ 34697Member # 34697

Posted: 10:48 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014

(((((((((((Jrazz))))))))))))

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4956 | Registered: Jan 2012

5454real♂ 37455Member # 37455

Posted: 10:49 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014

Damn, I am so sorry this happened.

I will send mojo, say prayers and offer strength to those who you have asked for.

However, I will offer the same for you. Assault is assault. There is a psychological toll to be paid. Will you please talk to someone about this?

Definitely. I'm actually counselor shopping again (last guy was a bigger wreck than ME ) and this is absolutely at the top of the agenda.

Thank you for the thoughts.

"It is impossible to get a man to understand something if his livelihood depends on him not understanding." - Upton Sinclair

Posts: 23912 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California

wildbananas♀ 10552Member # 10552

Posted: 11:02 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014

(((((Razzie)))))

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15595 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl

SBB♀ 35229Member # 35229

Posted: 11:10 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014

Oh Jrazz. All of the hairs on my body are raised and I have that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Unfortunately I know exactly the feeling you describe. I felt them as a 10 year old with my father trying to abduct me and successfully abducting my then 3 year old sister. Then again in my early 20s with a BF who was deciding whether or not to take no for an answer.

Fight or flight barely conveys that feeling.

"Just hold still." My god. How unbelievably terrifying.

Will you follow it up with the police? I personally would have to as I'd want police to have a report sheet a mile long about predators like this but absolutely understand the decision not to.

Deep breaths. You did nothing wrong. I know you know this but I need to say it. You were aware and careful. Predators are opportunists.

These predators operate in the open as well as behind closed doors. We had a story here of a guy hiding in the ladies disabled cubicle when two under 8s walked in with their mum waiting outside and he grabbed and assaulted them in a packed bathroom - women in cubicles either side did not notice. I'll be escorting my girls to the bathroom for the rest of their lives because of that story.

((Jrazz)) I'm so unbelievably sorry.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5922 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia

Jrazz♀ 31349Member # 31349

Posted: 11:14 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014

I mean to follow up with the police. DD has preschool on Weds so I'm going to do it then in case I need to fall apart for a bit.

I had a glorious day back with her today, btw. Best medicine in the world is her gorgeous smile.

As for childhood experiences, I was molested at age 6ish by an older female cousin. It's a whole different ballgame when it's someone you are supposed to trust.

It's all just disgusting, but I'm pleased to report that my heart still remembers the goodness and love of others as I process.

"It is impossible to get a man to understand something if his livelihood depends on him not understanding." - Upton Sinclair

Posts: 23912 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California

nowiknow23♀ 33226Member # 33226

Posted: 11:14 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014

I am thankful beyond words that you got away from him and that you are ok. (((((hugs)))))

I wish so fervently that you and I and everyone else who has ever been assaulted could live in a world where these things didn't happen. Unfortunately, that isn't the case. The humility you described - the heightened awareness of vulnerability - is something that resonates deeply with me.

It comes as no surprise to me that you - strong, caring, wonderful you - are taking this experience and choosing to make it about awareness, education, and concern for others. You, dear Razzie, are an amazing person.

I'm glad you are not physically harmed. (((HUGS))) I'm also glad you are intending to follow up with the police AND talk with a professional about this. You will probably find all kinds of thoughts, possibly even flashbacks, popping up in your mind for a while. EMDR helps a lot with experiences like this.