My boyfriend watches porn even though he knows I hate it. Why?

I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost two years. Shortly after we got together i found out that he had sexted other girls (on my phone) and watched porn. He had downloaded photos of other girls on his phone and had a porn site bookmarked, and logged in with 78 videos watched. I told him i hated it and said it was porn or me. He said he wanted me over porn. I said if he looked at it again we would be over. But then a month or so later he borrowed my phone and when he gave it back it was half way through a porn video. I dont understand why he does it. Am i not enough? He says that he's stopped now and its been a while (about a month or two) since i found any sign and i know i shouldn't snoop on him but now im paranoid becuase he didn't stop when i asked him to. It just makes me unable to trust him and now i think that he's just doing it behing my back.I dont know what to do. I love him so much but he doesn't seem to care about me. Its the only thing I've asked him to stop doing. I stopped cutting myself for him, and i wouldn't mind so much if we werent having sex but we live together and have sex and im always available to him. Its as though he doesn't want me anymore. I dont know what to do... Id appreciate any help but please be sensitive of my feelings on this matter. Thanks..

Updates:

+1 y

if you're just going to be rude to me dont bother commenting. And there is nothing natural about a guy picking porn over his girlfriend. Sex with a real girl is a lot more fucking natural than wanking off to some plastic prostitute making loads of noise and then lying about it to your girlfriend.

+1 y

Since people are just being rude to me and saying i should get over myself and stop being childish and let him do whatever he wants im going to stop comong on here. There has been no honest help from people and even people who think im being stupid dont have the decency to say so nicely.

Most Helpful Guys

Okay. Let's take a major step back and try to not make this all about you, shall we? When a man engages in sex with a woman, it's a complicated affair, pun intended. He has to take into account her needs, boundaries, stated preferences, feelings and a host of other factors. All this before he even gets to the part about his needs and trying to achieve the closeness he seeks. You wouldn't have it any other way. You want a considerate, caring lover, no doubt.

When he watches porn, it's all about two things: fantasy and convenience. If you really, honestly expect him t never lust after another woman in his head, you sadly mistaken. He was a girl watcher when he found you and finding you, no matter how satisfying, doesn't kill that desire to look. There's an old saw that is absolutely true: when a guy's through looking, he's through. He is, to put a point on it, NEVER going to stop looking at other women. Nor do you want him to.

It's that sexual desire that's the engine of your intimate relationship. Nor do you stop looking at attractive men nor does he want you to for the same reason. That he looks at other women and porn says nothing about how he feels about you.

So porn is about him fantasizing. It's also where he likely finds new ideas to bring to your conjugal bed that you'll hopefully find very entertaining.

The other reason men watch porn is convenience. He doesn't have to take all those factors I mentioned into consideration. It's just him and his dick.

Bottom line: fear not!! Just relax and enjoy the man in your life and ignore the porn. Or better yet, offer to watch it with him. It makes a great warm up.

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+1 y

I dont find guys attractive. Im bisexual/asexual. I dont get turned on looking at people. I dont find people attractive. I find personalities attractive. I have offered to watch it with him but he didn't want me to and he won't have a proper conversation with me about it. Whenever i bring it up (even the sexting thing and those were photos of him!) he denied all knowledge. I dont care if he looks at other women but not porn. And tbh id prefer him fantasizing about me! Is there honestly no men who dont fucking do this? Cos if there isn't i guess there's no point in being in a stupid relationship that doesn't mean anything. He won't stop it even though it makes me feel awful (suicidal) he still does it. If everyone is the same then there's no fucking hope for humanity.

Anonymous

+1 y

My girlfriend doesn't want me watching it either. So I don't. Within reason. She provides me with enough material I don't need to. But if it goes 5-6 weeks and she hasn't given me anything, I'm gonna need to look something up. So if you don't want him to watch it, make sure you provide. I don't think it's unreasonable for you to ask him not to.

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+1 y

Thank you :)

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+1 y

You seem like a good guy. I've asked him if he wants photos of me and he says yeah but then never actually wants any. Your girlfriend is lucky.

Opinion Owner

+1 y

That's unbelievable... Why wouldn't he want photos of you? I've always thought of it as a guy would be lucky to get that from a girl.

Most Helpful Girls

My opinion... I hated it too in the beginning but then i realized the more he watched porn the less fights we had the more relaxed and lovable he was... its like a stress reliever for guys... I wouldn't let porn mess up a good relationship... however the sexting inst OK that's a no no. As long as his still giving you sex let him have his porn... or join him it might make thing crazy sexy between you two.

Sexting is cheating so I dont understand why you haven't left him. I dont understand why you hate that he watches porn since its inevitable. Even though that one guy said that you should find someone else, a lot of people still watch that stuff regardless of gender. Its a natural thing and It usually has nothing to do with you. If he really doesn't care about you then thats another reason to leave him.

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+1 y

How the hell is watching other people do it fake on tape "natural" ? And a lot of people dont watch porn so just saying "oh its normal everyone does it" is completely wrong. Yes i ubderstand that sexting and porn is different but it all comes down to the fact that I DONT LIKE HIM DOING IT and he WILL NOT STOP EVEN THOUGH HE SAID HE WOULD. he won't stop even though he KNOWS it upsets me. So it kind of shows he doesn't care cos honestly porn shouldn't be one of those things that guys "cant stop watching" and tbh if a guy is in a serious relationship and the girl does not want him to watch porn he should have the decency to not do it. And he shouldn't have to anyway! Id be fine if he had photos or whatever of me. Im soooo sorry i dont like the idea of my boyfriend getting turned on by some plastic whores body

By inevitable I meant that the same thing could happen if you were to leave him for another guy. You dont have to force yourself which is why it would probably be best to leave him since it upsets you and you already talked about it.(and because he doesn't care) Again a lot of times watching porn has nothing to do with the significant other.

Anonymous

+1 y

Alas poor dear, your boyfriend is probably wondering why you hate porn so much and won't let him watch it when you know he likes it. He wants you to stop acting like a primadonna, but you keep at it incessantly anyway, You don't seem to care about him, only yourself. I bet you're like that Stella robot wife from the Star Trek original series episode entitled "I Mudd."

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+1 y

Im sorry i dont get a thrill out of him looking at other naked girls. i dont understand why people have to be so fucking rude on this thing either. And you have no idea how much I've done for him and this is the only thing i ask him to do. Can you honestly tell me why i should want him to watch porn? And since when has porn become "natural"?

What Girls & Guys Said

I'll start by saying he shouldn't be watching porn. Then I'll add that u shouldn't be so hard on him. If u force him to choose u or porn, he'll choose u, but porn is an addiction not so easily tossed aside. He'll struggle with it and just end up doing it in secret. So let me ask u this, as long as his porn watching doesn't interfere with ur sex life (like I mean he still wants u all the time right?) Then is it really that big a deal? Instead of forcing him away from porn, try asking him if he wants to stop watching it? And be supportive of him. Try to accept it as a part of him. Also ask him what porn gives him that u don't give him? Maybe he wants to do some things that he is too shy to ask u for. Ask him if he has any fantasies that u can help him fulfill. Anything at all. Maybe then he could let go of porn easier

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+1 y

Im all to happy to do whatever he wants in bed. Im really sexually confident i guess is the word. Im happy to do anything and tbh we have done quite a lot. He says that he doesn't need it becuase he's got me and then hhe watches it again and it just makes me feel unwanted and disgusting. but if i try and open up about it and say how much it hurts me and talk about it with him he just lies and says he doesn't watch porn and then won't speak to me for the rest of the evening...

Ur welcome. No reason to be rude. But there is a way to get it through to him. There is always a way. It just has to be found. I suggest still have that fantasy talk with him and see what that brings. Also do u know what type of porn he watches? Any specific fetishes? Specific positions? Kinky stuff like BDSM? Maybe he's into something he can't easily admit to u and he gets his fix from porn. Honestly I have a little bit of that problem too. My wife knows and isn't crazy about it but I'm honest and open with her and try my best to stay away as good as I can, but it's hard! Maybe u could try accepting that flaw in him if he will be honest about it with u

If your upset at porn you immature. Men are going to watch porn and men are going to masturbate. Doesn't matter if you have been married 25 years (like I was) or just going together and your fucking him non stop. There is nothing wrong with porn and fantasy. Guess your really going to freak out when you find out that sometimes he is fantasizing about other women when fucking you. And no, he will never admit it, but guarenteed it happens. It doesn't mean he doesn't want you, or he wants the other women. Men really don't work that way. Fantasy is good for a relationship.

He sounds like a jerk. Porn is so fake and he has the real thing... you! How often are you two having sex? Do you think if you increase the frequency of sex or go for rounds two or three he might mellow out a bit?

Do you think he jerks off to porn when you are not around?

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+1 y

Yup all the time and it really upsets me. Even worse is when were together (and we are most of the day) and he just disappears upstairs and if i go up to see what he's doing he's sat there with my laptop and headphones in wanking. Ugh. Its really annoying cos im happy to do whatever he wants in bed and i actually seem to have a faster sex drive than him. 😢 😢

I think it's completely your right to ask him to stop doing anything you hates and if he really cares about you then he should fight it. However , you should know that maybe he is addictive to porn so he can't help himself. Also what I don't agree with you in is that you shouldn't "snoop" on him no matter what it's just wrong. So , just let him be and see if he did okay or not cauze even if he is doing it behind your back then it's a good sign that he cares enough to not hurt you.

Come on now don't be this sad :) It's the internet people tend to get crazy around her don't give them a mind.

Asker

+1 y

Aw thanks 😶 its just annoying when i asked people to be nice and they aren't... He hasn't looked at any recently i dont think... And he says he doesn't need it cos he's got me but I don't know im paranoid... :(

Then you got to believe him cauze it's only fair as he is trying and fighting to not do what can hurt you then you should to fight this paranoia feelings for his sake. Give him another shot to prove he is worthy. If he failed then you will know (think about you always do) .

Asker

+1 y

Yeah... I mean we have just moved house and the new internet has child safty too... Which calms my paranoia no end lol...But yeah... Thank you... ❤

Ask any normal guy does he watch porn, i pretty sure most say yes. its a guy thing. Take any guy phone or check any guy computer history, you will find some kind of porn on it. I understand you don't like it, but he already respect you for not doing in front of you. that should be enough. Stop trying control him. he not doing in front of you that all it matter

Porn is an addiction to a certain extent, but that doesn't mean you ought to have the authority to boss him around. Most relationships fall apart in that case. In fact, by being so insecure, you WILL get him to not want to be with you anymore, because he'll feel policed and restricted.

It sounds like he has agreed to disagree with you. some men are very sexual and need more than just sex. I know that sounds odd, but porn is fantasy for men. Some happily married women read romance novels, some men watch porn. It some ways, it is the same thing for each gender.

Maybe try watching some 'for women' stuff with him once in a while. What could it hurt? If not, then dig in a long, unpleasant relationship as you 2 do not see eye to eye on this one.

"I said if he looked at it again we would be over." But he looked at it again and you did not keep your promise to end it, so he doesn't respect anything about what you say. Do you respect yourself for how you have handled this?

bee-tee-dubs, my initial remark is referring to your boyfriend, who the fuck leaves pages open that clearly expose what they were doing, on their girlfriends phone nonetheless

Asker

+1 y

I know. He even left kik open with messages hed sent to other women saying he was hard and did they want photos. I was upstairs and horny but he stayed downstairs trying to get photos off other girls. I was even in the room when he was messaging some of them. 😭

I dont know what im doing wrong. He used to want me all the time but now he doesn't and im scared he's lost interest and might start looking at porn or even cheating on me. Its so upsetting because we have the same wants in life and we have mostly the same interests. We both want to go travellin its like we're soul mates apart from like this... He wants to watch porn and i hate it it makes me feel suicidal just thinking of him warching it... (I have depression etc) and i want sex more often than he does...

it's not that you're doing something wrong, this is just who your boyfriend is.

Asker

+1 y

Its one thing im asking him to do. I was extremely depressed before i met him and he made it better for me but him watching porn honestly makes me want to kill myself. He used to make me get out of our bed each morning just so he could wank off to photos on his phone but if i tried to do anything hed shrug me off. If i asked about it hed lie and say he hadn't done it but i knew he had. I just dont understand why he has to do it when its the one thing I've asked him to stop. I told him it was porn or me and he said he wanted me. But he still fucking watches it!! 😭😭😭

regardless of you only asking him for one thing, its a big thing for him, which is why he won't stop. and perhaps there is more to it than you realize, maybe something is going on in his head that is turning him off from you, not the porn obviously since I can safely assume he's been watching it for a long time, i think you two should focus on communication and get your feelings across to each other.

No, im giving you tough love because you have the ridiculous notion that you man is for some reason controlled by you he isn't. Honestly a girl like you needs it.

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Asker

+1 y

Tough love? You have no idea who i am or what I've been through. You have no ground talking about me like im a spoiled child. You dont know how much i have done for my boyfriend. You dont know anything about us and since it was the one thing i didn't want him to do... Also what kind of guy is in a serious relationship with a girl who dislikes porn and still does it?

1) He is a guy, you are not, how are you supposed to know the urges especially a male around your age has to go through2) You are right I don't know you, but i have been around many girls like you. You don't need to tell me about how hard your life was. Everyone does that and don't be everyone.3) Everyone has been through something, whether you think you are special or not.4) Porn was the one thing you didn't want him out of your entire relationship to not do? You are joking right? You were ok with him having sex with other girls? You are okay with him flirting in front of you with your friends? You are ok with him getting hurt or him hurting you for that matter? You are ok with communication being the main reason why the relationship was and is failing? You wonder why i am giving you tough love, its because you need it if you want to learn from this, if not, then by all means, go, wash your relationship down the drain.

Asker

+1 y

No it is the one thing he does that i want him not to do! He doesn't do any of those other things and im not like other girls so just leave me alone k?