What to do if your wife has cheated

Finding out your wife has been unfaithful is like living in a bubble only to have it rudely burst in a moment and leave you looking back and questioning a myriad of events. Infidelity shakes the core of your relationship in many ways. It’s not only the physical betrayal that wounds you but also the knowledge that you were continuously, and sometimes elaborately, lied to. But now that the truth is out, you may be asking yourself: ‘what should I do?’

Knowing where to go from here is an incredibly difficult decision that in the end, only you can make. To help you on this journey, we offer five tips on what to do when your wife has cheated on you.

1Don’t blame yourself if you didn’t know

If you wife never expressed dissatisfaction to you about the state of your marriage, then you should not blame yourself for her straying. Marriages suffer greatly when communication begins to fall apart and when partners do not express their feelings. The onus is on the unhappy party to express to their husband why they are unhappy and what can be done about it. If you never knew that your wife was unhappy or if she withheld why she was unhappy, you can’t blame yourself for her straying.

2But also take some blame, if needed

On the other hand, if your wife has been unfaithful it is often the case that her husband may have known she was unhappy and even have spoken to her about it and still dismissed it or ignored it. People don’t walk out of happy marriages one morning and start having an affair and women most often have affairs for emotional reasons. Because of this, you may have to accept that it takes two to tango and you may have had a hand to play in why she strayed.

Keep in mind, there are some women who are so unhappy with themselves that they cannot find true happiness with any man, though that won’t stop them from trying.

3Don’t put your life on hold

This will be one of the most difficult and emotionally taxing things you may ever go through. You will feel a range of extreme emotions and it may be hard to focus, but you should not inadvertently punish yourself by putting your life on hold. Continue to spend time with your family and your friends. Don’t neglect your hobbies and passions and do you best to continue enjoying life. Focusing only on the affair will have you spiralling down a dark hole and you need to protect yourself from that.

4Don’t obsess

While it might be easier said than done, try not to obsess over your wife’s actions or the man it happened with. Don’t rehash scenarios a million times or delve for more details. If you know the man or he is a friend of the family, don’t obsess over his behavior or threaten him with physical harm. You have to put yourself above this and worry about yourself right now. Obsessing will only hinder your healing process.

5Get counselling

Counselling in these situations is incredibly important. If you and your wife are planning on moving towards forgiveness and salvaging the marriage, then you will need to see a marriage counselor. If, on the other hand, you have decided to end your marriage, find a counselor that can help you through this incredibly trying time. It is important that you view counselling as a way to become stronger and move past the betrayal, no matter what decision you have made with your wife.