269. Turn up the cuck – Whoring me out?

If you read my blog, you know that I have a sort of “boyfriend” in Matt. He is Mike’s friend and former co-worker that we have known for years. With Mike’s encouragement, Matt and I go out on dates and have sex – sometimes with Mike watching and sometimes with Mike participating. Most recently, Mike was out of town on business and Matt stayed with me at my house for two nights. And now Mike has “turned up the cuck.”

EVOLVING RELATIONSHIPMy relationship with Matt has always been based on sex, but originally it was probably 50/50 on sex and friendship. I enjoyed his company and friendship and yes, enjoyed a lot of sex. But the relationship has evolved to be more and more sexual, maybe 90%. Yes, I still like him as a person and enjoy his company, but we don’t do as many “friendship” things date-wise. When we get together, it is mostly just for sex. And that’s how Mike like’s it. In fact, his latest edict puts us at more at 95% or even 100% sexual relationship.

MIKE’S EDICT
Mike told me I am to be “on call” for Matt, anytime, unless Mike tells me to say no. Simply put, I am Matt’s sex toy, ready on demand to pleasure him. The result is that Matt has come by my house on his lunch hour for an “afternoon delight” and has twice called me to come over to his place for a quick “suck and fuck.”

A few days ago Mike told me Matt was getting off work a little early and I was to be at his place waiting for him, naked, blindfolded, and kneeling (I have a key to his place). Further, I was not to say a word. I could only speak if Matt asked me something. I complied.

Matt never said a word to me except, “You can go now.” He entered his apartment and soon after I felt his penis on my lips. After sucking his cock for a bit, he stood me up and fucked me against the wall, putting me back on my knees in time to cum in my mouth. He then said I could leave and he left the room. I never laid eyes on him. I got dressed, and left.

It was thrilling and exciting for me. My thrill is in knowing Mike arranged and wanted this. And it felt very dirty, in a naughty, taboo, exciting sort of way. I do enjoy sex with Matt – it feels great! But my greatest pleasure is not the orgasms, it is knowing that it gets Mike off. And doing what I just did, knowing it was Mike’s wish — yummy!

HOW I FEELI feel a bit used, like a sex object, like I am not valued beyond my mouth and pussy. But – mixed in with that, I feel excited, energized, and yes, fulfilled. Such is the dichotomy of submission! I am doing what Mike wants and serving to fulfill his fantasies. It is a weird mix of emotions.

Let’s not sugar coat it and call this what it is. Yes, my submission has come to a point where my husband can whore me out if he wishes. I am 100% okay with that. I love fulfilling Mike’s fantasies of seeing me as a sexual being, fully giving myself sexually to anything he requests. I granted this power to Mike starting in October 2015, when we added the “Sexual Obedience” clause to our Agreement (a clause that remains a part of our current Agreement). It reads in part:

Mike may demand any sexual or physical act to be performed upon or by Jennifer on him or any other person at any time and Jennifer shall comply without hesitation. Jennifer may use the next Maintenance Session to air her concerns and request any modifications or cessation of a particular act that Mike demanded. Mike shall comply with Jennifer’s request.

Mike frequently asks me how I am feeling about this. You probably think I shared all sorts of concerns with him. I only shared one. I am concerned that being at Matt’s call could impact my performance of my Duties and Obligations as it interferes with my schedule.

Mike told me that I should consider Matt as simply another “chore” and it was a chore to be prioritized over others. Mike also reminded me it wasn’t “my” schedule, as my time belongs to him (boy o’ boy he really tickled my submissive spot when he said that!).

Mike was admittedly surprised that my only concern was the demands on my (his) time. I reassured him that was the case and that I would let him know if my feelings change. I shared with him that I want him to feel free in knowing it doesn’t have to be enough for him to simply know he has this power over me is – he can feel free to actually exercise this power.

Even though we have been living DD for over three years, and have really adopted a more D/s dynamic over the last two, sometimes I think it helps to reassure Mike that indeed I not just accept him Dominance, but I want it and encourage it. And as far as the Sexual Obedience clause goes, I wanted to use this opportunity to reassure him he can explore whatever desires or fantasies he has.

To which Mike replied, “Thank you for stating that. Hearing you say that always helps me maintain confidence in my decisions. And, it makes me that much more excited about our upcoming Immersion.”

This just isn’t something I would ever be comfortable with- thankfully MrH has also said this would be a no go area as he would “do harm” to anyone touching me.

I in no way judge your relationship I can see it works for you and your relationship… 😊😊 I read your blog and at times I’m blown away by your relationship and its dynamics.

For a time I stopped reading your posts because my fears and insecurities just couldn’t see how mrh wouldn’t want to have another person to play with. I’ve also had some nightmares worried that MrH would want to explore this- but eventually these did lead to discussions, then understanding, acceptance and reassurance.

What I guess what I’m trying to say is that your blog made us discuss inner fears and they ultimately made MrH tell me how he wouldn’t tolerate anyone touching me – which made me feel even more secure and safe.

thank you for sharing. I know what we do is not for everyone. It is good you verbalized those feelings (fears and insecurities) to him as that is a part of being vulnerable to him. And it sounds like you all were able to address those feelings. Good for you! And a great example of why communication is so important.

MrH works hard to reassure me of his commitment. Some of my baggage comes from my first husbands infidelity and unfortunately very early in our relationship (although to be fair I shouldn’t say relationship because Neither of us had defined it as such) MrH had sex with another girl. He told me later and I was devastated. This was a turning point for us and we committed to the relationship at that point and have been monogamous ever since but it played on my head and fed that insecurity… irrational I know… unfair to MrH? Definitely… he’s so loyal and loving. As I said he’s helping me since I spoke up and it’s been getting better. I haven’t had a nightmare in weeks.

Sorry for the war and peace reply. Again in my bumbling way I’m saying I admire the trust and love you have, the certainty and confidence. I wish I had it as I know MrH does fantasise about me kissing/touching another woman but there is just no way I could do this as I would immediately have “he likes her better” in my head… and I could in no way have her touch him or him touch her. Just typing it makes me feel sick and cold all over.

Those feeling and fears make me ashamed as well as I say, MrH has never been disloyal since we actually committed to each other.