It’s been 10 days since I’ve blogged… YIKES. That’s only because I’ve been slammed with school and just went out of town to visit some family. Now I think it’s time for a little update.

The major holiday season is behind us 😩 or very very (very) far ahead of us… however you prefer to look at it. And so I, like any other human being who embraces life and enjoys balance, indulged. A lot. I say “a lot”, but I really mean just a lot for myself… a lot more than I personally am used to. I’ve had something sweet every single day. Ice cream, cake, cookie butter, cookies, brownies, chocolates, etc. etc. etc. And that’s okay!!! That’s good!! That’s life! But now I’m ready to get back on track. I’m ready to start trying new things, to see what my body likes. And right now, my body does not like to be overloaded with sugar and tons of carbs.

So, this calls for some determination and adventure. Some trial and error. Some experiments and some tracking. Who’s with me? I’m going to be trying different things and I’ll give y’all updates on how that goes and how my body reacts as well as how I preform in the gym and just in life. *I am NOT dieting nor will I ever! Just trying different macro splits, cutting down on some things and increasing others, etc.

This is my current physique:

A little fluff but absolutely no shame. Of course it’s uncomfortable. One day I have abs and the next they’re all gone. But BODIES CHANGE!!! All of the time! Loving yourself at every stage is vital, otherwise you’re working for nothing.

So anyway, I’m starting with cutting sugar. Not completely, of course. But to an extent. I’m hoping my body will appreciate this cut back and that I have some more energy.

I shall give an update soon and I wish you the very best on getting back on track, if that is what you are up to.

Hey y’all! So I’ve been wanting to try these lovely gems for quite some time now. To my surprise, my mom brought them home last night and even though I have the chills (yes, I’m still muy sick), I couldn’t wait to try 😂 so, furthermore I present to you…. (drumrollllllll)…. THE MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP YASSO BAR!!!

I know, I know… you’re probably all like… “UM frozen GREEK YOGURT? Nope.” but LETMETELLYOU: it takes like ice cream. Like really good ice cream. For those of you that care about caloric intake, these babies are also only 100 calories. This doesn’t mean that I’m gonna live off of Yasso bars, y’all. I’m gonna try new things, have a balanced life. Eat all kinds of things and enjoy it.

Anyway, the texture is really great and it’s the perfect treat imo. Other flavors that they have (and that I SOON will get my hands on) are blueberry, chocolate chip, chocolate chip cookie dough, sea salt caramel, chocolate fudge, cinnamon bun, coconut, coffee chocolate chip, cookies and cream, peanut butter cup, strawberry, ANNND vanilla bean of course. WOWZA, talk about variety. They also have two flavors of what they call “candy bars” in sea salt caramel and toffee crunch.

So, expect more reviews to come. But for now, I give these mint chocolatey chip babies a big thumbs up ✔️

Holaaaaaaaa beautiful people of the world. I hope that this first week of 2017 has been KICK BUTT FOR YOU!!! If not, lemme share a little something with you — YOU have the power to make it kick butt! All of it! All 365 days! It’s all about your mindset. Bad things happen, life is so difficult sometimes — that’s inevitable… something you don’t have control over. But something you do have control over is how you handle things and what you do.

^ that right there is a lil something I picked up in therapy a couple of years ago 😎

Anyway, I thought I’d share with y’all what I’m up to in this lovely first month of the new year.

First off: I am WEIGHT RESTORED!!! EEEEEEEEEKKKKKK! I’m not at the weight I was before ED hit me, but I’m right where I need to be right now.. right where my body wants me to be. And that’s a healthy range for at 5’2″, 17 year old girl such as myself 🙂

I’m actually trying to eat a lot more at the moment… 5 whole meals a day, at about 2000 or more calories! IT. IS. HARD!!! But not impossible ;). I’ve been waking up earlier, sometimes throwing in that morning cardio right after meal 1. Meal 1 this morning was quite random but I enjoyed it: a slice of cinnamon raisin Ezekiel bread, toasted with creamy Crazy Richard’s peanut butter (mega heart eyes), a babybel cheese, and a couple of apple slices with peanut butter. I didn’t do morning cardio today because I woke up sick 😦 So, today is an unplanned rest day– and that’s quite alright. Listening to your body is what matters most. ANYWAY, mid morning I have meal 2, which today was chicken breast, a kale and quinoa blend, and green beans.

Meal 3 is when I get home from school (my first day back was today, so this is all experimental regarding the school schedule), usually at about 2:30. Today I really, really wasn’t feeling well and had a cup of Amy’s organic lentil and vegetable soup whilst watching the office in layers of clothes (because I have the chills, not because it’s cold out.. because if isn’t. At all. This is Florida for goodness sake). Needless to say that I’m slacking today in all all but one department — listening to my body. My macros might be whacky today and my caloric intake might be low, but it’s so awesome to know that it’s because im sick… that sounds strange, I know. But I’m sick. Like a normal person sick. I’m not sick from anorexia. Not anymore. And now I can listen to my body and anorexia is not controlling me through being ill today. In the past, I remember Ana would see this as an opportunity to strike big time. In fact, this past summer I fell ill with a stomach bug in IOP treatment and I was able to eat… but I didn’t. Because I didn’t have the mindset that I do today. I relied on anorexia and ended up dropping about 10 pounds that I couldn’t afford to lose. BUT NO NO NOOOO, NOT TODAY MY FRIENDZZZ. Today I am sick and I am PROUD because I am taking care of myself!!!

ANYWAY, geeez… I went off on another tangent, I apologize.

Let’s talk macros.

Regarding macros, I am seeing what works best for me. I’ve tried low carb (but not too low), high fat… I’ve tried high carb. Right now I’m at a mix of about 35% C, 35% F, and 30% protein. I’m really trying to up that protein and reduce those carbs because I’d like to try that kind of mix. Point is, is that it’s all experimental at the moment. It’ll be a journey 🙂

I’m going to the gym on the daily, sometimes twice a day. Because I LOVE IT, because it’s my passion — not to punish myself anymore.

Yesterday I hit a PR when squatting and deadlifting… 105 pounds 🙂 not a whole lot, I know. But I’m taking it slow and focusing heavily on my form. Which apparently is quote on quote “perfect”… the manager of my gym watched me and said that it was perfect. Also, last week the most “macho” man in the gym (he literally lives there, I swear) talked to me at the cables on arm day and he asked me if I trained myself or if I got professionally trained. I told him I basically taught myself, thinking “oh, he can probably tell because my form is so off”. But nope. He said, “well your form is perfect” and I literally reared up so insanely… I looked crazy. He asked how old I was and I said I was 17. He said, “well your form is just perfect. Some of the guys and I have been watching you and your form is perfect. You’re gonna be good.” I understand that that might sound a bit creepy but… it wasn’t. It was so touching to me. Because I used to be so weak because of ED and now? Now I am the strongest I have EVER been. It’s just incredible.

Also, I’d like to point out that I’ve been eating BALANCED. I DO have sugar. I’m not really into processed foods or chips or processed snacks of any such but sugar… suuuuggaarrr. So, I don’t deprive myself. After this PR was hit, I had some kitty litter cake (I’ll explain later… it’s actual cake though, don’t worry) and ice cream. Like a boss. Like a person 😎

I’ve still got meal 4 and 5 to work on today. Meal 4 is usually dinner and meal 5 is usually either some sweet stuff or something else.

Have a great day my friends 🙂 live balanced, live well, and live STRONG 💜

I’ve been talking to God out loud a lot lately when I’m driving and I talked to Him about how this year I’m actually going to know Him. I’m not going to just know of Him and pretend like that’s enough. Last year I let anorexia and everything else that life threw at me come before Him. I focused on the things that were happening to me rather than the God who loves me unconditionally. So this year I’m shifting my focus — primarily on Jesus.

There’s honestly so much. These aren’t New Years resolutions per say… I think that those are kinda dumb. These are life resolutions. These are things I not only want for 2017 but for the rest of my life. And I want to grow. I am going to grow.

I think that above all else, falling in love with Jesus and knowing Him and growing in Him will always matter the most.

But what also matters is that you’re living this year. Live fully because life is too short not to. Don’t wait to start growing tomorrow.

Ahhh yes. You read that correctly. Pumpkin. Waffles. !!!!!!! Copped these babies a couple of months ago and thought I would do a review!

They’re from Trader Joe’s (aka my fav) and I’m still on my second box from two months ago… I’m savouring them. There’s 8 in each box and they’re limited to the autumn season so they are no more 😥 but maybe I can order them online… ANYWAY, needless to say, they are amazing. Especially paired with Trader Joe’s pumpkin butter (which is still in stores and is soooooo good!!). As you can imagine, they taste like pumpkin… and it’s so.flipping.GOOD. I even top them with a couple of Cinnamon Toast Crunch pieces (bc BALANCE) which is basically the best idea ever because wow.

I’m sure you all know this — that we’ve lost some pretty big legends and inspirations in 2016. People are dying all around us. Just the other week, a girl one year older than me who lived in my city got killed a car accident. I’m 17.

Death does not apply only to elderly people. Death lingers over every single one of us — from the minute we are born. Our lives are ticking time bombs and we just don’t know when that last tick will sound. It could be any minute, any second from now. As unsettling as that is, we can’t just push that truth aside and ignore it. We have to embrace it and use it as a reason to live. And I mean LIVE.

2017 is only a few days away. But start now, because you might not make it. Explore who you are. I know that life is so hard and sometimes it seems like dying is the only way to ease the pain… but that is NOT true. We all suffer from something. My mental disorders and my eating disorder used to be life. THAT is who I was. Because that’s what I let myself become. Our disorders and the struggles we face are so freaking strong, they really are. And we don’t choose to have disorders or to face certain things in life. But what we do have the power to choose is who we are and how we live. We have that power. We have that choice.

So be who you want to be. Not what your disorders or other people tell you who you should be. Be you. And if you don’t know you, then explore. Discover. Wake up earlier, watch the sunrise. Take pictures, go one hikes, spend time with YOURSELF. Do new things. Write, read, sing, dance, meet new people, go to different little coffee shops, listen to new music. But most importantly, through all of this, learn to LOVE you. It IS possible.

Also important is to spend time with those around you. Because their lives are ticking away as well. And you just never know. So love them. Explore with them. Live with them. Meet new people, love everyone. Practice kindness and help other people discover themselves.

So this new year, this new day, start living. Don’t go through the motions. Because who truly knows when your time is done? Only God Himself knows that.

Live wholeheartedly, love unconditionally, and explore. Be who YOU are and who you want to be. Make life worth it.

I’m not quite sure that everyone reading this celebrates Christmas, but whatever you’re celebrating you should apply this to it: this celebration is a LIFE thing. Not an eating disorder thing. Not a mental or physical illness thing… do NOT make Christmas about food or anxieties or fear. Or gifts or stuff or things. Spend time with those who love you and make others feel loved. Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ and His everlasting gift of salvation for us. If you feel unloved, know that HE LOVES YOU. If you feel unnoticed, know that HE KNOWS YOU. If you feel unheard, know that HE HEARS and HE KNOWS your voice and your struggles. Today is about Him. Celebrate it with a full heart and no fear. Be courageous today and live in the moment. Live STRONG.