Is being nice and ignoring taunts being "passive aggressive" or professional?

I have this contractor, I'll say is named "Dooku," who is a real piece of work. Software X is no easy matter; their developers are hard to find and good ones are even more rare. Dooku is good. DAMN good. And he knows our Software X situation better than anyone here. Sadly, he knows this. Thus, he's arrogant, snide, and pretty rude all around to a lot of staff (and he's been with us for 5+ years), but most people blow it off as "That's Dooku for you, heh." It's gotten pretty bad recently as there's a project that was so broad in scope, we hired another Software X guy in "Elbonia" to deal with the Elbonian Time support staff. The new guy, we'll call Padawan, is a super nice guy. He comes with a long list of great references, and a few people we know that worked with the guy says he's the best in Elbonia.

So, Dooku is mean to Padawan more than the rest. He considers all Elbonian techs to be paper tigers who have no marketable skills. Padawan is also young; a good 20 years younger than Dooku. I won't go into my musings of why this might be, but how Padawan handles Dooku. Let's look at this exchange (shortened and paraphrased from a Skype call):

Dooku: You need to install a license key, Padawan. You DO know how to do that at least, right?Padawan: Thank you for asking. Yes, I do. And I have already done that.Dooku: It was a LEGAL key, right? Not something you copied off a USB key you got in [Elbonian capital city], RIGHT?Padawan: You will be happy to know it was a key obtained from directly from the [our company]. If you would like to have this verified, please find it attached.Dooku: I am not interested in downloading any attachment you send me. I have worked in places like yours, and they are unsafe.Padawan: I assure you I take all precautions, but your concern is not unwarranted. I will be extra vigilant.

Here's another delightful banter (also shortened):

Dooku: It looks like, despite several days, the systems are still out of sync.Padawan: I confirm what you see. We think the latency might be due to a bad network connection, and we are stress testing the fiber circuits.Dooku: I don't need your confirmation. I know what I see based upon YEARS of experience, and how long have you been doing this again?Padawan: I have been certified in Software X for five years, starting with version W, and received a re-cert 2 years ago with X.Dooku: I was doing this while you were still in diapers. There's a difference between those who know the software, and those who understand it.Padawan: I truly hope I learn much from you in that case, and any and all help will be appreciated.

Now here's the most recent, which was over an e-mail. This is not paraphrased.

Dooku: [Long description on how to do a very complicated task]Padawan: I see. I have never done it this way before, and I shall review this before executing. Dooku: I have been doing this for [our company] for five years, with over a decade of Software X experience! You don't need to review it, just DO it!Padawan: [CC'ing PM] If [our PM] says that's okay, I shall execute it without question. And it goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway, thanks for all your hard work over the years.Dooku: I appreciate that you appreciate the work I've done, but please don't thank me for it, it just sounds patronizing. You taking it seriously and not screwing it up will be all the thanks I need.

So, yes, Dooku is an asshole, but he does good work. This exchange pretty much made him lose it, and he demands that Padawan be removed from the project, citing this as proof that Padawan is sneaky, passive aggressive, and "playing us for fools." Padawan has been doing well so far, so we have no plans to do so. Dooku has not really communicated well with us in the last week, so I am guessing he's pouting. Dooku MIGHT quit over it, but it's doubtful because as far as we know, we're the only person hiring him. His contract was renewed last year, so he's with us for another 2 years or so, and while I am not sure what he's paid, I am sure it's easily deep in the six figure range.

So, is Padawan being "passive aggressive?" I am not sure that's even a thing in his culture.

So, yes, Dooku is an asshole, but he does good work. This exchange pretty much made him lose it, and he demands that Padawan be removed from the project, citing this as proof that Padawan is sneaky, passive aggressive, and "playing us for fools."

You're the one being played for a fool if you think Padawan is the passive-aggressive one.

I had a long angry post typed up, but deleted it - suffice it to say, I've had friends back in grad school (some international students, some who just happened to be $ethnicity) who received lots of treatment like this, except it was always Professor Dooku (who was from some podunk town and podunk graduate school themselves.)

The students who got targeted would keep bending over backwards, trying their best to find some way to make Professor Dooku hate them a little less, but nothing ever worked. When they were more polite and friendly (like the Padawan being described), it just gave the professor cover to keep treating them like shit, or sometimes made them angrier. Every little thing they did was always interpreted in the worst light possible by Professor Dooku, from their social interactions, to their work (which was always flawless and better than the white students in class, but never quite good enough for the professor).

When I read those interactions you posted, I see exactly the same sort of things targets of our Dookus would try to do to placate them - be nice, keep being nice, and if they get angrier, try to be even nicer. Unfortunately, that sort of response doesn't always seem to work with the Dookus of this world.

Someone needs to sit down with this Dooku and have a long conversation about professionalism in the workplace - HIS, not the padawan's.

ISo, is Padawan being "passive aggressive?" I am not sure that's even a thing in his culture.

Maybe he is, but it's certainly nothing I'd get in Padawan's face about. That guy needs more support and encouragement and a reminder that Dooku treats every one like a dick. Maybe one day Padawan can take over Dooku's job.

If I'm assigned to work for someone super senior and who rubs it in my face, then I know unfortunately that I can't talk back. Because then I'd go from "passive-aggressive" to "rude and disrespectful" in Dooku's eyes!

Frankly, I would have a talk with Dooku's boss about how his communication is unprofessional. Padawan sounds like he is providing professional services with professional communications. There's nothing to complain about with regards to his work. It's Dooku who has the attitude and the unprofessional demeanor. Dooku needs closer handling or needs to be put on notice.

Sounds like thinly-veiled racism and/or bigotry on the part of Dooku, if the tone you're paraphrasing is accurate and [Elbonia] is a foreign country, PW.

Padawan will always outwardly respond to aggressive condescension in the manner you've described, and Dooku either needs to learn to deal with it, or learn he's not as irreplaceable as he thinks he is.

So what? Fire him without warning, without reason, and with judicious amounts of ceremony.

Alternatively bring in someone half Dooku's age and promote them above Dooku. At the first sign of challenge, immediately produce a written warning for failure to meet some code of professionalism, and then immediately fire him at the second failing.

- Software X is a rare skill. So rare, I won't name it for fear he'll see this post from a Google search. But think CCIE level of a very powerful and older software. So finding a replacement for Dooku would be very, very hard. - While Dooku is an ass, he does good work with quick turnaround time, and that satisfies management. I am not in charge of hiring or firing, so what I think is pointless. Thankfully, as a Linux admin, I rarely have to deal with this guy directly. But I see him and Padawan in e-mails and over conference calls on a regular basis, since my work involves authentication sort of stuff to Software X.- Firing Dooku would be bad because he's a contractor, not an employee. We'd have to pay a huge amount of penalties with his group to sever the contract.- Dooku probably won't quit. But in 2 years, we may not need Software X anymore (which is why I was hired), so it will be moot.- I agree that Dooku is probably a bigot. He's had issues with people of the opposite sex as well, but he can't be written up on being "dismissive and uncommunicative." For reasons outside the scope of this thread, this type of work doesn't have a lot of women, so it rarely comes up.

My experience with the Dooku kind of people is that they need a verbal slap in the face. It doesn't help always, but a lot of people with that kind of abusive behavior lack the balls to keep this attitude once someone does not duck away.

Try to get rid of this guy asap. The fact alone that behavior like his is tolerated at your workplace for any reason is bad.

How to rate padawan's response I'm not sure from the material provided. He could be a passive aggressive type, but if your paraphrasing is not overshooting I'd say this is not inferable from the conversation. If he is just plain professional and wants to do his job instead of getting into a cat fight with Dooku this kind of response would not be too unexpected. On the other hand how bad would it be if he gets passive aggressive with THIS kind of guy? What is he supposed to do if people tell him this guy's asshattery is known and has persisted for years if he is a new hire? What would you expect him to do that would be better?

- Software X is a rare skill. So rare, I won't name it for fear he'll see this post from a Google search. But think CCIE level of a very powerful and older software. So finding a replacement for Dooku would be very, very hard.

It sounds like padawan isn't being passive aggressive, but is in fact attempting to manage upwards by making sure there is a paper trail for dooku's behavior and (possibly) fuckups. Padawan probably feels like Dooku is the kind of guy who will fuck up and then blame said fuckup on the new guy.

So finding a replacement for Dooku would be very, very hard.- While Dooku is an ass, he does good work with quick turnaround time, and that satisfies management.

Won't it be hilarious when your management finds itself on the receiving end of a workplace/personnel action. They'll still be satisfied, though, for those 5 years of good work, won't they? Totally worth it, I'm sure.

So, is Padawan being "passive aggressive?" I am not sure that's even a thing in his culture.

Having worked with "Elbonian" techs, I think the response is more of cultural thing. To people in the USA and UK it can come out as being passive aggressive, but I don't think it's intentional.

Dooku is being a dick, and I would sit down with him and explain that "Elbonians" do things slightly differently. It might be handy to have a video conference. Video conferences show much more information than phone conferences can.

At a guess, Dooku feels threatened by the young Padawan. I suspect he is concerned the Padawan could become something greater than even he can imagine.

My experience with the Dooku kind of people is that they need a verbal slap in the face.

Actually that kind of arrogance needs a physical slap in the face. The guy is being a dick largely (i) because he is one and (ii) there are clearly no consequences for him. He also needs to be reminded that no-one is irreplaceable.

Passive-aggressive behavior is a category of interpersonal interactions characterised by an obstructionist or hostile manner that indicates aggression, or, in more general terms, expressing aggression in non-assertive, subtle (i.e. passive or indirect) ways. It can be seen in some cases as a personality trait or disorder marked by a pervasive pattern of negative attitudes and passive, usually disavowed, resistance in interpersonal or occupational situations. It can be seen in some cases as a personality trait or disorder marked by a pervasive pattern of negative attitudes and passive, usually disavowed, resistance in interpersonal or occupational situations.

Passive aggressive behavior should not be confused with passive resistance (also called conscientious objection). In conflict theory passive resistance is a rational response to demands that may simply be disagreed with. Passive-aggressive behavior should also not be confused with covert aggression (a behavior better described as catty), which consists of deliberate, active, but carefully veiled hostile acts and is distinctively different in character from the non-assertive style of passive aggression.[1]

Dooku is being passive-aggressive. Accusing someone else of being passive-aggressive is a classic passive-aggressive move - it puts the focus on someone else and forces that person to defend themselves, instead of dealing with the real problem. Very indirect, and if you fall for it, the aggressor wins. How about you force Dooku to explain why he isn't using his years of experience to train others instead of being an asshole to one and all?

So finding a replacement for Dooku would be very, very hard.- While Dooku is an ass, he does good work with quick turnaround time, and that satisfies management.

Won't it be hilarious when your management finds itself on the receiving end of a workplace/personnel action. They'll still be satisfied, though, for those 5 years of good work, won't they? Totally worth it, I'm sure.

This. Also, when figuring out how much it would cost to replace Dooky, figure in the cost of him driving away promising employees.

PS - adding in the obligatory - "would be skeptical of employers that allowed employees to be treated like that."

Some things to note:- Firing Dooku would be bad because he's a contractor, not an employee. We'd have to pay a huge amount of penalties with his group to sever the contract.

Don't think anyone has commented on this yet. Is he a one guy contractor or is he from a bigger company? I have to think that any well written contract would include some sort of language that gives you an out for behavior like this. If he's from another company entirely, just tell them you want a replacement or you'll cancel the contract based on his behavior. If they have a problem with this, let them know you'll see them in court and I'd guess they would probably at least try to avoid the fight.

PS - adding in the obligatory - "would be skeptical of employers that allowed employees to be treated like that."

This too - as a manager, as far as I'm concerned, my number one responsibility to my staff is to make sure the work environment is as safe, stress free and without distraction as possible. I would not expect staff to hang around long under the conditions described here, which ultimate affects the bottom line so upper management will notice.

I think most people are way off base here with advice to fire first. You really need to go to his supervisor, detail the problems, and let Dooku know that his unprofessionalism has been observed, that it is not acceptable behaviour, and that he will be put on notice if it happens again. This is management 101, people. This is the first step in the Professional Improvement Plan. Do not pass Go until these steps happen. 9 times out of 10 this corrects bad behavior. It it doesn't correct bad behavior, you have to do it anyway before you can take further action. Simple as that.

One of the many ways of describing the problem is as a single point of failure. If he is so important that you can't see doing X without him, then you absolutely need to find a solution to that problem. Even if he was an Angel you would need to find a solution to that problem.

a) Padawan thinks he's acting reasonably in the face of unprovoked aggression. He's acting extremely (some would say overly) deferential and respectful, as is perhaps customary in his country. He thinks this will pacify Dooku and defuse the situation.

b) Unbeknownst to Padawan, a culture of deference doesn't exist in America. Dooku is confused and dismayed by Padwan's behavior which he doesn't understand, so it scares him. He thinks he's either talking to a robot or someone who is making fun of him and playing him for a fool in front of his colleagues. So after each interaction he responds by increasing his level of aggression, in the hopes of either breaking through to Padawan or intimidating him into stopping.

Padawan should learn how adult men in the US interact--a few bawdy jokes or sports small talk would go a long way here.

Dooku needs to grow thicker skin. Underneath the bluster he's pretty insecure; he needs to relax and realize not everybody is out to make him look foolish.

Padawan should learn how adult men in the US interact--a few bawdy jokes or sports small talk would go a long way here--"hey, Dookus, how about you quit being a dick, or I come over there and kick your ass?"

How is the whole exchange starting with "You need to install a license key, Padawan. You DO know how to do that at least, right?" anything BUT passive-aggressive? "I need you to do something, but I doubt you can do it. I won't say that, but I'll insinuate that you're incapable so that my boss looks at that and not at me."

a) Padawan thinks he's acting reasonably in the face of unprovoked aggression. He's acting extremely (some would say overly) deferential and respectful, as is perhaps customary in his country. He thinks this will pacify Dooku and defuse the situation.

b) Unbeknownst to Padawan, a culture of deference doesn't exist in America. Dooku is confused and dismayed by Padwan's behavior which he doesn't understand, so it scares him. He thinks he's either talking to a robot or someone who is making fun of him and playing him for a fool in front of his colleagues. So after each interaction he responds by increasing his level of aggression, in the hopes of either breaking through to Padawan or intimidating him into stopping.

Padawan should learn how adult men in the US interact--a few bawdy jokes or sports small talk would go a long way here.

Dooku needs to grow thicker skin. Underneath the bluster he's pretty insecure; he needs to relax and realize not everybody is out to make him look foolish.

I'm American. Padawan's answers are spot on. He is doing everything right. Answering insults with dirty jokes or threats is never a good idea. Ever.

What is Dooku going to use to complain to a supervised with? What emailhas Padawan sent makes Padawan look bad?

When dealing with a jerk, I reread my emails many times asking, "When heforwards this to everybody, will I be upset?". This has definitely saved me, since forwarding has happened and I came out looking fine.

So, you should always aim to be a Padawan. You can even practice on this forum with responding only to points and ignoring personal attacks (after all, what is the point in responding to a personal attack, anyway?)