Sean Spicer describes President Trump as a 'unicorn riding a unicorn' and other bizarre excerpts from his new memoir

Sean Spicer is looking to set the "record straight" in his memoir on his White House days. (ANDREW CABALLERO-REYNOLDS / AFP/Getty Images)

President Trump’s former spokesman is speaking for himself now.

Former press secretary Sean Spicer, who stepped down from the podium just more than a year ago, is trying to set the “record straight” on his tumultuous run as in the White House, according to the description of his new book “The Briefing: Politics, The Press and The President.”

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Notorious for his aggression with members of the press and his unwavering defense of Trump, Spicer as an author does not stray far from this formula in his memoir. Here are just a few of some of the more bizarre moments, as told by Spicer himself.

Trump love

“He is a Unicorn, riding a unicorn over a rainbow. His verbal bluntness involves risks that few candidate would dare take. His ability to pivot from a seemingly career-ending moment to a furious assault on his opponents is a talent few politicians can muster,” he writes, clearly in awe of Trump in the early stages of his campaign.

His praise for Trump continues throughout, though the former White House Easter Bunny seems to be most struck by how the President sparred with his opponents and rivals, praising the snarky nicknames he handed out during his bid for the White House, like “Little Marco” and “Crooked Hillary.”

“Donald Trump was the center of every debate, the sun around which all the planets orbited,” he said, adding that he was “mesmerized” and “perplexed.”

At age 70, Trump was an “Energizer Bunny,” Spicer noted. People could not get enough of the business mogul-turned-politician, and that included Spicer himself – Trump was his political “rock star,” he said.

Crowd size

When Spicer stepped up to the podium for the first time, he stepped into one of the biggest controversies of his time at the Trump White House: the inaugural crowd sizes.

The number of attendees became top priority for the President after side-by-side images appeared to show significantly larger crowds at President Barack Obama’s 2009 swearing-in than those present at Trump’s ceremony.

The press was “saying that the Trump crowd was noticeably sparse by comparison. The President was clear: this needed to be addressed – now.” Spicer had hoped to discuss policy during his first round on the press podium but instead “focused on the President’s point, that the media was making an issue of the inaugural crowd to belittle and disparage the incoming administration from the get-go.”

The 46-year-old did attempt research, reaching out to the park services and organizers of the event, but to no avail: “Almost everyone I talked to had the attitude of, ‘It’s over now, who cares?’ ”

Still, “some calculations could be made.” Spicer continues on to provide a series of unsourced numbers, coming to the conclusion that “it seemed possible that President Trump had, in fact, a larger inaugural audience than Obama.”

So he crafted one of the first statements as press secretary: “This was the largest audience to ever witness an inauguration – period – both in person and around the globe,” he told reporters.

When he returned to his office that day, Spicer said he expected an “attaboy” from his boss. He was instead met by Reince Preibus, who “said the President wasn’t happy at all with how I performed.”

“SNL”

It was the gum chewing heard round the world when Melissa McCarthy took the “Saturday Night Live” stage sporting a bald cap and a Spicer-inspired getup. The former press secretary set his DVR to record that Saturday night and headed to Mass the next day, unaware that the comedienne skewered him with her late-night parody

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“Throughout the hour, while I sat in church, I heard the buzzing of my phone. Glancing down, I saw the screen fill with text messages. As soon as church let out, I looked down with horror to find Twitter ablaze with my name,” he recalled.

“What was it now? At first I feared something truly terrible had happened.”

When he did get around to watching McCarthy’s impersonation he couldn’t help but laugh, though he did go on to note that he never chewed gum while delivering a press briefing.

And while he seemed mostly unfazed by the jokes, he couldn’t help but wonder: “Did the sketches bother the President?”

Memba when Sean Spicer lied to every single one of us then hid from the press by trying to blend in with nearby bushes and then remade himself into a non threatening modern day Dopey? pic.twitter.com/QqLggjYGqB

The Bushes

Spicer didn’t need McCarthy to push him to meme-worthy fame though. Shortly after Trump fired James Comey as FBI director, The Washington Post took aim at Spicer, accusing him of hiding from the press by ducking behind some bushes.

“Just turn the lights off. Turn the lights off,” he told reporters at the time. “We’ll take care of this .… Can you just turn the lights off?”

Spicer denied hiding out, claiming he’d only hoped to relocate reporters to the Roosevelt Room for interviews. “I thought I was being media friendly,” he wrote in his book.

“While I was sitting at my desk in the Pentagon, I heard that reporters were checking to confirm that I was really in the building and not off hiding somewhere,” Spicer recalled. “By midday, Facebook and Twitter were full of images of my head popping out from behind the bushes. Then came the late-night hosts with their jokes and skits. Once again I had become the story.”

He would later use the same line in resigning from the Trump White House after just six months on the job.

“From my first day on the job I have become the story,” he told the President. “I knew I had become a lightning rod for press criticism. Right or Wrong, I had been defined.”

Inaccuracies

Spicer would often rage against the “fake news” and their inaccurate coverage during the early days in Trump’s presidency, so it is ironic his text has a few errors of its own.

“That was the period when then FBI Director James Comey told President-elect Trump about the ‘Steele’ dossier, a compendium of negative information about Trump and his associates compiled by a former British intelligence official, Michael Steele, for Fusion GPS – a private, opposition research outfit that was paid by a law firm employed by the Clinton campaign.”

Michael Steele, however, is a conservative commentator and former chairman of the Republican National Committee. Christopher Steele is actually the British intelligence officer behind the notorious dossier.