Sunday, July 25, 2010

The first iPhone debuted January 9, 2007. Today is July 25, 2010, about 3 1/2 years later. I got one. The new one. Of every friend and person I know, my phone is better than theirs. And they can't do anything about it. Because they're stuck in contracts, or recently got the has-been iPhone 3.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Look at this guy. Not only has he successfully lost weight, he's revamped his whole image. Before, he was this out of shape loser in teal swimmy shorts from Land's End (that probably had one of those stupid built in nets for your junk n' butt) reading the Japan Times. Now he's gotten his shit together. He feels great about himself. He's ditched the teal dork shorts for a pair of pink spandex dancepants that say 'SAPPY' on the waistline. His pasty jellygut is replaced with a tanning-bed crisped hardbody. He's put some gel in his hair because he's confident enough to do that now. And he's no longer reading the Japan Times because he realized he was the only person in the U.S. reading that newspaper, which maybe was contributing to his increasing self-isolation problem. The only thing he has as a sober reminder of his past is his necklace. Because when he looks in the mirror, he has to see it and be reminded that unless he stays SAPPY, he could easily be on the fast train back to NoFriendsville from which he came.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

9/10 starsOne of the world's best bands playing in their hometown earns a 9/10 stars for a tremendous all-around effort.

The good: Sound in venue was amazing. Played in the Nokia Theatre - same place they just had the Espy awards. I felt like how a grandparent feels when they hear a Bose radio for the first time. I had the cheapest seats, didn't matter.I'll go song by song here:

Third Eye: Opener. Fifteen minutes of 'holy shit I'm glad I'm here, I need to up any sort of talent I have in any aspect of anything, this is the amazing.' Maynard's scream halfway through made my spine shift, vocal effects and all.

Jambi: Probably the worst played song, looking back. But that's like saying which cupcake of a fresh batch of Susanne Deloach's carrot cake cupcakes is the worst.

Ions: This isn't a song. It's just some weird noise thing.

Stinkfist: The crowd pleaser is always fun. No exception here.

Vicarious: Played slower than on the cd. He doesn't sing the part at the end which is the best part. I get why he doesn't do it, but still.

Right in Two: For Tool nerds like me, this was a surprise. Hasn't been being played this tour. Love this song. So I was double happy pants for this.

Schism: Always good. Another crowd pleaser.

Flood: Another one for the Tool nerds. Also hasn't been played this tour. The loudest song of the night. The visuals were really cool of water flooding the place, love it.

Forty Six and Two: a Tool staple. Wasn't expecting to get that giddy, but I got way giddy. I think they were trying to blow the speakers towards the end.

Lateralus: Song is so good I almost hate it. They brought out the drummer from the opening band (band was called Rajas. They sucked bad. But the drummer was good.) Maynard said "could you guys hurry up and finish this drum solo so we can go pick out some hookers?" kinda funny-ish.

Aenema: Best song of the night. I was ok with it being over after that. Sort of. The 'fuck retro anything fuck your tattoos' part was so visceral, he sounded like a machine. Then the 'i'm praying for rain' part he sounds like the angel gabriel or something. So, so good. They 'hey hey heys' at the end were all snakey and creepy, then they basically blew up the stage and I got all freaked out so I just ran back to the car and went to Jack in the Box.

The bad: The fans. Least appealing people ever. Angry, mean smelly guys. Ew. Price to pay I guess to see a band I really like.

The ugly: The fans. Except me of course, I'm so great.

*Trying to be objective here, though this is one of my fav bands. The last time I saw em I'd give em a 6 so this was really nice. Maybe cause they're from L.A. they had a bunch of friends in the audience they were trying to impress.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Everything you read that I type can be attributed to my right thumb. It is responsible for every space, upon which there are thousands. This image may completely disgust you, but look at what's happened. My spacebar has shown actual signs of wear on the right side, while the left side remains pristine. I hereby name my right thumb tappy and my left thumb freeloader.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Overview: A simple menu, clean building and above-par service for a fast food restaurant earn In-N-Out Burger 7 out of 10 stars.

The good: Everything stated above, plus the quality of the food was not bad. And the prices are great. However there is no hiding that it's still a just a fast food restaurant (I know, duh). Upon moving to Los Angeles I heard numerous rave, over the top reviews of this place, so my expectations were pretty high. If you've had a good Steak-n-Shake burger, then you've basically had one of these burgers. I say a 'good' Steak-n-Shake burger because lately that place has proved to be highly inconsistent, and a bad burger (or anything from there) is always a possibility. At this point I'd take an In-N-Out burger over a Steak-N-Shake burger. If it was '98 I'd go with Steak-N-Shake.

The bad: As stated, it's just fast food. The reviews I heard before eating there were so over the top I practically expected Jesus to be behind the counter serving me a blessed burger with a side of holy fries. Like most things that sound too good to be true, it fell short of expectation. The menu, though highly simple (3 combo options), is a little tricky. Apparently there is a 'secret menu' you can research online to customize your order, but I didn't know about it. Also, other little things are unclear (where the hell is a packet of mustard in that place?). And some dude told me I could've gotten my onions grilled if I would've just asked. Thanks, I bet that would've better than the loser raw ones I had.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

You may not be familiar with the two images above, but I am. They calm me, bring me peace. Let's discuss.

The first is the image you get when twitter is over capacity (I don't know what that means. Some sort of glitch.) Now look at that whale. I envy him, and long for his serenity. The message here is "internet is broken/twitter is messed up/utter chaos". But not to the whale. He knows no problems, no ill feelings. He is being carried from his watery home by little birds, who have pooled their efforts to scoop him up with a net. I fancy that net is made of the purest velvet. The whale shuts his eyes, smiles. Thank you. Thank you for this moment. I envy him, everyday.

The second image you may be more familiar with. It is the Lunesta neon butterfly. Lunesta is a sleep aid brand that ran mass amounts of commercials featuring this humble bringer of zen. When I toss and turn at night, or even during the day, tortured by thoughts of uncertainty (what will i have for breakfast? why do people wear crocs? do people talk about me like 'i hate him i hate him!'? will i ever be a homeowner? what's the deal with cats?), I long for this peaceful butterfly to land on my shoulder. It's ok to long.