Reeejected, from China

Once, the only worry Americans felt when consuming products made in China, was that they were complete crap. But times have changed, and with recent hysteria over tainted dog food and toothpaste mixed with industrial compounds, we have demanded that the Chinese do something to make us feel secure again. Well, according to an Associated Press report, on May 29, the Chinese government answered our challenge.

Thank goodness. No more worrying about dangerous products because the head of China's version of the Federal Food and Drug Administration will have the rug pulled from underneath him.

Less like a rug, that is, and more like a trap door. Oh, and with a noose around his neck. Zheng Xiaoyu, former director of the State Food and Drug Administration, is scheduled to be executed after being convicted of taking bribes in cash and gifts worth more than 6.49 million yuan ($832,000). According to the conviction, the bribes were given so Xiaoyu would approve certain drugs including some antibiotics linked to 10 deaths.

Although only a fraction of Chinese products imported into the ports of Southern California are actually tested, in April, FDA inspectors rejected 144 shipments, according to a recent FDA refusal report.

Among the items in question were mixed-fish bags deemed "filthy"—which is defined as appearing "in whole or in part filthy, putrid, or decomposed"—frozen eel laden with high levels of pesticides, jelly made with banned sweetener, dangerous banned pain killers, frozen breaded shrimp with Nitrofuran (a banned antibacterial agent), and Pausinstalia bark powder, which is basically unapproved boner herbs.