The Modern Life of the Single Sister

I spent last night in the Emergency Room of a children’s hospital, so I don’t make any pretense on giving a fuck about this particular post. But Dammit, There has to be at least ONE of you lurking out there wondering,

“what is Inkognegro’s crazy ass going to say this week?”

Well, for that ONE of you, and whomever it is…Show your face so I can at least know that I am not hallucinating.

Well, here goes.

I am sick to death of the Internet.

I am sick of the Immediate gavel Banging and judgement by people whose sole stature for doing so is a cell phone or internet access.

You don’t like shit, fine. Say you dont like it all day long.

But all this Endless Punditry by people who are barely equipped to talk about THEMSELVES, much less topics of import.

…. is not what scares me. I’ve often heard people wax poetic about “the beauty of life,” “this little one is trusting me with his/ her life,” etc. I’m not that deep. Matter of fact, the second one sounds completely ridiculous to me. I just heard it today, while watching ” A Baby Story.” I love that show. I love kids. They make me tear up because they have the power to brighten my day with the smallest action. Ok, back to the point of the post.

Parenthood is not scary to me. I’ve been in mommy training mode since I was seven (I am the oldest of four).

What scares me is, the nine months leading up to the birth, and the actual process of bringing her/him into this world.

I have been reading the blog of a young lady who has been through a miscarriage. It’s like she has let the world (by way of internet) into her life. She writes candidly of the highs and lows as she and her husband try to become parents again. It’s an extremely scary and emotionally trying process. I couldn’t imagine how it feels to be on cloud nine one minute and grieving the next.

On the other hand, my good friend just had a baby. I got to hear about the growing pains of pregnancy. The achy back, the screwed up sleep due to discomfort. (SUNNY does not PLAY with her sleep.) Don’t even get me started on the stretching of the belly! And not even for vanity’s sake, it’s just scary to have my belly go from the size of a cantelope (SUNNY could use some crunches) to a prize watermelon!!! And I got full details on contractions. Aye dios mio, it’s enough to totally make me forget the beauty of it.

So I just worry… everytime I think of it. Luckily, there is no pregnancy plans for me in the near future (who am I kidding, who actually “plans” this? lol), so I still have time to mow this thing over in my head. Hopefully God has mercy on me and pain during the process (PLEASE, Lawd!!!!!)

How about you guys? Are any of you scared of becoming a parent? For those of you who already have children, what were you scared about beforehand? Did you find those fears to be unrealistic?

I do not hate other races. I wish us all well in this country, both foreign (as long as you learn the language of course) and domestic. I also make fun of all races equally including my own. If racism (true racism – the HATRED, the CAPTIVITY and DOMINATION of person’s) never existed, I believe we could all laugh at ourselves without pressure and without shame. The slightest thing such as a some accents are funny to me, I don’t know why they are funny…they just are. Beyond accents…voices (like Wendy Williams and her “how you doin” or Elmer Fudd’s speech impediment) in general can be funny to me as well but, we are talking about race here.

To finish the Chris Rock joke (and his pic is only up there because he’s a black person not because I feel he’s racist because I don’t): “Nobody’s more racist than an old black man because they went through some real racism. None of this I can’t catch a cab sh!t…he WAS the cab. A white man would jump on his back and say “MAIN STREET”. *jockey motions*”

Now recently a Walmart in Pennsylvania was in the news because allegedly a 16-year-old white male stated on their PA system, “All black people leave the store now.” Of course everyone was shocked an appalled by the statement, but as I was reading comments about this story, someone pointed out something very critical, Would it still be considered racism if “All white people…” was said instead? And, seriously, I’m on the fence. It makes me think back to the original incident…no derogatory terms were used…no physical harm was caused…they weren’t serious, it was just a kid…so, where’s the racism?

In writing, I begin to think about hate crimes. I’ve never heard of a black person, or person of any other race (non-white) commiting a hate crime against a white person. If anything WE (black people) kill each other, between gangs and utter foolishness, we can truly be our own worst enemy. Now, unraveling my own thoughts, I don’t think racism truly exists unless it’s acted upon. How can you survive in this society without interacting with someone who claim to “hate”? And that’s what racism is supposed to be right? Hatred. But, is it pure hatred or those ACTS of hatred that make a person racist?

Please weigh in on the Walmart incident and what’s known as “reverse racism” (black people that hate other races). Is racism all in our minds?

AUTHOR’s NOTE: I totally get that this is a women’s blog. But I see y’all dudes out here lurking on the periphery. This is for you.

Ladies? Send it to a man who needs to read it. You know you know at least ONE.

I am 82 days short of my 40th Birthday.

As I approach said magical day, it is becoming apparent I need to step my mentoring game or something.

I was watching I Love You, Man yesterday, while waiting for history to shake itself out.

I took a pass on it in the theaters partly because I LIVED The movie but mostly because I have kinda grown weary of the whole Apatow/Paul Rudd/New wave White R- rated comedy thing. Seen one, seen them all.

I am starting to have regrets though. Not because I feel like I missed out on having Male friends, so much as I feel like men missed out on having a friend like me.

Someone to tell them it’s okay to be themselves and not some cardboard cut out of the man Madison avenue produces for you.

Someone to tell them that Fucking every girl in the world isn’t exactly a life goal to aspire to, even metaphorically.

Someone to tell them that just because you want to fuck every attractive woman you meet doesn’t mean you love women.

Someone to tell them that it is entirely possible to view women outside the context of a potential sex partner.

Someone to tell them that being a man is 360 degrees of existence. Mind-body-and-soul

Someone to tell them that they would be surprised what they could learn from a woman if they weren’t trying to get under their skirt so hard.

I know I come off kinda know-it-all ish and aloof, but thats mostly because I know how y’all act when dudes don’t fit in your narrow little boxes.

But if you’re willing to Break out of that box. Im here for you.

Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall.

It is a beautiful world when you break out of that narrow confining box and Stretch out to be a whole man, as opposed to that stereotype you’re living.

It isn’t easy, though. I never really lived it, but I can tell it’s a difficult path to go from Pinocchio to a real boy.

If you want it…I am here for you.

Otherwise….Keep it moving and try not to say anything stupid around me, Because I Will clown you.

We’ve gone on to dinner, had drinks, even kicked it at the club… He keeps telling me:

“You ain’t ready for all this.”

Now… One night I snapped off & asked him what the eff he meant by that. He just said… “You ain’t ready shawty.”

*crickets*

I’m a he!l of a woman & I need a he!l of man. He’ont know my life! Anyways, I digress.

Fast forward to two days ago at work, a female co-worker walked by & a male co-worker walked behind her & said “She ain’t ready for all this.”

WHAT?!?! Now my aunt always talks to me about the mythical silver dipped and platinum tipped man… You know the ones that get you all wrapped up. Well yeah…. None of these men are all that.

So here’s my question… Are women so desperate that we’ve accepted these trifling men to the point they think what they’ve gotten is exceptional? Furthermore, I am DYING to know just what it is we women are NOT ready for?

Trust… I’ve got an opinion, but I’ma keep this one to myself this time.

On my way to work this morning, I’ve realized one big change that has come into my life.

I listen to Russ Parr in the Morning on my short commute and usually get to hear the morning’s spiritual song right as I cross over into the bridge headed into Kentucky from Indiana (where I reside). This morning, as the gospel song played, and I forget what it was, I realized that I missed my church. I was just there Sunday (two days before) but as silly as it sounds, it still did not stop me from missing it.

When that gospel song came on, (and as Christian as I say I am, I usually don’t mess with gospel music outside of Sunday), I realized that I seriously love being there. I love the music, the camaraderie, the preaching, the spirit, EVERYTHING. I missed church so much that I passed up my usual “Lalah Hatahway” station for a “Marvin Sapp” station that I just programmed on Pandora at work right now.

The best thing of all about my church is my Sunday School class. My former class closed, forcing me and my beau to find a new class. As I flipped down the list of classes (my church has a BOATLOAD of choices, yaw), I immediately wanted to try the one called “With this Ring…” I didn’t know what to expect upon me and my beau’s first visit, but it now being our full month in, I’m truly blessed to have found it. It’s a huge class, me and beau being the youngest couple in there, and we talk about just about everything. It’s truly a blessing to be around people that are married and are going where we’d like to go in the future. There is no better person to learn something you are TRYING to do, than from someone who was successful at it.

I’m blessed to have my church, and I’m blessed to have a beau, who shares what I share. I have never had this before and I’m truly happy…. I remember as a kid, I LOATHED going to church every morning… when my granny pulled up to pick me and my brother up (even though I did not DARE ask mama why she didn’t have to come to church), I would be HEATED that I had to miss out on rest, to go. Twenty seven years later (how long it took for me to realize go away from the family church and find somewhere where my spirit could grow), I now realized what my granny was trying to do. And I’m thankful for her- for a praying, church-going granny.

I’m not trying to convert anyone; just expressing how happy I am at this moment and what change I realized I’ve made. I’m far from perfect, I’m a work in progress, as all Christians are. I know some would have you believe differently, and those are what give Christians a bad rep. Whatever you chose to do, whatever you are, I hope you feel the degree of happiness that I do now!!!!

Resident blogger, Nicki Sunshine, has opted for new shades of eyeshadow (see pic) for some pop in her life and FOSSSO (Friend of SSSO) Tea has gone on a virtual shooping spree, treating herself to shoes and dresses lately.

What do you do to pep up your style?

I usually opt for a handbag. And with the latest weather change, I’m in the market for a new jacket. I love a fabulous jacket or blazer to accessorize any outfit.

Color is the reason for the season and these lightweight beauties are perfect for spring. No more heavy totes…lighten up without breaking the bank though, please 🙂