Fianna Fail have instructed its lawyers to begin legal proceedings against Fine Gael on the grounds that Fine Gael is actually implementing patented Fianna Fail policies in government. “It’s a disgrace,” a Fianna Fail spokesperson told our reporter as he rooted through a bin for his lunch. “We got clobbered in the election because our product was toxic, and now these guys are actually selling the exact same product. Surely we should get some sort of cut, like a few appointments to the fisheries board or a VEC? I mean, we haven’t got an arse in our trousers at the moment and now these guys are stealing the policies straight out of our mouths? Look at that, someone’s thrown out half a Subway roll! I’ll have that for me tea! And I bet those runners will fit Micheal! And look: a cardboard box with hardly any wee stains on it at all. That’ll make a magic press office!”