Admitted

Guess what? It sucks here and I hate it. But I’m trying to suck up the “hospitals are so depressing and I miss my bed and I haven’t showered since Wednesday” feeling and tell myself that being here is for the best.

Checked in and slightly less thrilled than before. But I have my own pillow and blanket.

A little background info…

By now you probably know that I’ve been sick for a month. A month of stomach cramping, a month of painful bathroom runs and a month of trying to tell myself “it’s not that bad, this will pass.” My “good days” were far from actually being good and my standard for a decent quality of life had gone way down. So when I saw my doctor Tuesday night and told him the high dose of steroids he had me on had done absolutely nothing — not a single sign of improvement — he decided to admit me to the hospital.

When you get admitted, you get these badass wrist monitors. I feel like Lindsay Lohan. Except that I'm sober. But yeah, it's a GPS tracking device so I can't escape.

Yes, I cried.

It wasn’t like, “Let’s bring you in for some tests in a few days when it’s convenient for you.” It was, “Go home and pack a bag, we’ll get a bed ready for you and you’re going to be in there for a little while.”

No I will not wear your ugly hospital gown. I'm fine.

Dr. Super Nice said that because I’ve been flaring so much this year, I may have developed new areas of the disease in my body. He said it’s clear I’m immune to the steroids, and on top of that I’ve likely developed an antibody to the Remicade infusions I’ve been getting every eight weeks.

In other words: What we’re doing isn’t working, so let’s figure out another plan. He told me that I “failed outpatient therapy,” which seemed like an insult. WTF, doc? I’m not a failure. I’m trying to be awesome.

Dr. Great said I’d get a bunch of tests while I was in the hospital, including an MRI (to view the small bowels) and a colonoscopy (to see all the other stuff up close). From there we’d determine a plan of action to treat this damn thing and get me back up and running (no seriously, remember running?). He also said resorting to IV steroids might be an option. He told me to “bring an iPad” and then asked if I had any questions, and I asked if he would give me money to buy an iPad. He laughed, and I still do not have an iPad. WTF?

THIS IS CLUNKIER THAN AN IPAD, DOC. GIVE ME DOLLARS FOR SPENDING.

I left his office Tuesday night feeling relieved that we were going to start all these tests and knowing these are the right steps to take, but also feeling totally overwhelmed. Remember that whole “I have a job” thing? And the fact that I have a wedding to attend on Sunday and nothing to wear? And also “So You Think You Can Dance” is on on Wednesday nights and what if I can’t watch it in the hospital? Major concerns.

But I went home, packed a bag, washed my hair (that seemed important at the time) and waited for the hospital to call.

Brian and I got dinner, and by 10 PM I still hadn’t heard from Mount Sinai. No beds for Ali. So I went to sleep. I was all anxious and stuff.

The hospital called early Wednesday morning telling me a bed was ready and I could be admitted. So off I went, Brian in tow, feeling like I was checking myself into rehab or something.

This is the best-documented hospital visit EVER. Here is a photo of Brian and me in the admitting area. We had time to kill.

Check-in went fine and eventually I was brought up to my room. I had a roommate at first (Sheryl, but she got to leave, lucky old lady) and got set up with an IV (“I’m giving you the big needle so it might hurt” — and it did).

BOOM, check out my IV. I still looked alive at this stage. Today, not so much.

I got moved to a private room, which was great, because no one should have to be my roommate while I’m prepping for a colonoscopy. They also started me on a clear liquid diet, which is super delicious.

Brian was SO jealous of my lunch.

Since I got here, it’s basically just been a lot of waiting around, a lot of frustration trying to get the doctors to explain to me what’s happening and a lot of letting people poke me. I’ve had IVs, I’ve given blood samples, I’ve given stool samples (gross) and I’ve taken multiple pregnancy tests. Seriously, these people love making you take pregnancy tests.

Gotta say though, I look pregnant. I’ve been pumped with such a massive volume of liquids since getting admitted that my stomach is hugely distended.

After sitting around all day Wednesday, the nurse told me I was getting taken down for an MRI. I asked how long it would take (“about an hour”) and if I had to do anything to prep for it (“nope!”) and basically Nurse Kiki lied to me about everything.

The MRI was awful. I’ve never had one before, and I wasn’t worried about the loud noises or the spaceship-like small space. It was awful because I had to drink three huge bottles of barium to prep for it, and that shit was disgusting. It made me so bloated and uncomfortable. During the procedure, they wrapped a big coily strap around my stomach to track my breathing, and it was pushing on me and it was uncomfortable. There was a lot of “take a deep breath in — breathe out — now hold it” and do you know how hard that is when you think you’re going to pee barium on the table?

The MRI took about an hour, and I expected to feel fine when it was over, but turns out, I did not. I was so nauseous. There was vomiting. I keep getting more attractive by the day, which is fun for everyone.

Brian put medicine containers on my eyes. We had to entertain ourselves.

I didn’t get back up to my room until almost 10 PM, and I totally lost it when I came back to see Brian and my friend Lauren waiting for me in my room.

Snuggling post-MRI. Hospital beds are so cozy!

They have been here almost the whole time, and they’ve made everything so much better. The nurses and doctors don’t seem to care about me a whole lot, but these two crazy kids have kept me entertained and mostly happy.

Love them. Love them so much.

I didn’t sleep very well Wednesday night, because hospitals are loud and there’s too much beeping, and Nurse Migel woke me up at 5:55 with breakfast…

The worst breakfast of my life.

Not quite cereal. Or oatmeal. More like poison.

He said I had to start drinking the colonoscopy prep juice, which is the worst thing ever. I really can’t comprehend how we can go get pictures of Mars and we can make cars that run on electricity (electricity!) but we can’t find a more pleasant way to prepare for a mildly invasive procedure. Blows my mind. This crap is vile.

I started drinking the stuff like a total champ. I downed a bunch of cups of it at first and was confident I could get through the entire half-gallon. But eventually I slowed down, and then I just couldn’t get going again. Brian tried to motivate me and help, but at one point I took a sip and barfed it right up. So I was done with that.

Brian wanted to get his vital signs done, too. My blood pressure is better than his. Mwahaha. But I'm diseased and he is not, so ultimately he wins.

And because I couldn’t get any more liquid down, we had to resort to…another method.

The enema method.

Do you know what’s slightly more unpleasant than a too-tight MRI strap and barium and a liquid diet and colonoscopy juice?

Getting an enema.

Nope, let me correct that: Getting three enemas.

I don’t think you need many details. You’ve been through enough.

At one point yesterday morning I saw a great doctor who works with my doctor. He noticed my Team Challenge jacket and was all, “Team Challenge! Awesome! I do half marathons, too!” I loved him immediately.

And then there was more waiting, because my colonoscopy wasn’t actually going to happen until 4:00. Also I wasn’t allowed to drink any water. Sad Thirsty Ali.

I watched a lot of Grey’s Anatomy Season 2 during the day, which is the best season because it’s the one with Denny, but it’s also the worst season because it’s the one with Denny, and I don’t know if you know this — spoiler alert — but Denny dies. And it is tragic. It ranks up there on the sadness scale along with Stepmom, My Sister’s Keeper (yes, I have sophisticated taste), the episode of “The OC” where Ryan Atwood decides to go back to Chino (awful decision, because Teresa sucks and the Cohens are the greatest family of all-time) and that feeling you get when you take the last bite of something really delicious and then the food is done. Anyway. Grey’s Anatomy. Lots of it.

By 2 PM, all I could think was that I would gently kick a puppy for some solid food. My cravings included a grilled ham and cheese sandwich and a Levain Bakery cookie. I wouldn’t kick a golden retriever puppy, but I would kick most other kinds of puppies in the name of chewy carbs.

The colonoscopy itself was fine. I waited in the holding room for two hours before they actually took me in and I made friends with a nice old lady from the Catskills named Gloria. Gloria was once in a coma for six days. What a trooper.

Once they brought me in, I remember laying on the table, getting the IV from the anesthesiologist and then waking up back in the holding room. I do not remember a single thing from the procedure.

I do, however, feeling very very very very happy when I woke up. I remember not shutting up, and I remember being excited that Gloria was recovering next to me. She told me I was “being very chatty,” and I vaguely remember asking her if she wanted to do karaoke.

She didn’t.

I got wheeled back up to my room — at which point I recall singing “They see me rollin’…they hatin’…” and Brian and Lauren were waiting for me with food, and then I was happy.

GORGEOUS. I have a dragon.

Now it’s Friday morning of what was supposed to be my glorious long Labor Day Weekend. Instead of spending it shopping and playing and running, I’m in the hospital.

I’m optimistic that the worst of this is behind me now. I hated the MRI and I hated prepping for the colonoscopy. I hate being propped up in a bed all day and being poked and prodded and examined every hour.

The whole thing is exhausting.

Some of us are sleepier than others.

I’m waiting for my doctor to come give me the results from all the tests and tell me how the heck he plans to fix me.

That’s all I’ve got for now. If you need me, I’m at Mount Sinai, rollin’ and hatin’.

So, so sorry to hear you’re enduring all of the fun that comes with being in the hospital. However, it sounds like you have a great doctor who actually cares about you and your health and an amazing boyfriend and best friend to keep you somewhat sane.

I was thinking about you this morning, hoping everything was OK. I’m so sorry this is happening now and I hope they figure out a new improve game plan that will work. So here’s to hoping you’ll feel better soon!

I thought the same thing…where is Thankful Thursday’s post?! I’ve been reading your blog for a few months now and I have to tell you…I love it! It makes my day. Your posts are genuine and hilarious. I hope your doctor figures this all out so you can return to running soon!

I hope you feel better soon, Ali! My husband was just in for a week for a Crohn’s related issue…hospitals are the worst. You always need time to recover from being in the hospital – they aren’t very restful places. Thinking of you!

hope you get your ticket home soon! i’m very jealous that you have a private room. roommates in hospitals aren’t always pleasant… my last hospital roommie woke me up throughout the night to help her find her clicker amidst the tangle of sheets on her bed. awkward.
hope dr. great has some good news for you pronto!!

Boo!! I hate hospitals – so sorry you have to be there. I haven’t been in the hospital for my Crohn’s in a couple months…but it still feels like yesterday ::shudder:: Let’s hope your new doc can find some kickass new meds for you 🙂

Oh no! Being unexpectedly admitted to the hospital is the worst…especially when it involves colonoscopy prep! That was how I spent a holiday weekend in the spring, only my friends were much less creative with their entertainment repertoire! 😉 I hope you’re feeling better (and get to shower!) soon.

So sorry to hear you’re going through all of this, Ali! Sending well wishes your way. But if it’s any consolation, you’d probably win the award for most entertaining patient with your mad singing skills!

I was wondering why there was no thankful Thursday post! I really hope you start feeling better, the doctors figure out how to help you and you are feeling better soon! Keep Rollin’!!!
That is my favorite part of this post, you crack me up!!! But seriously, get better soon!

Rather than kick a puppy, you should watch this 24/7 live stream of Corgi puppies. Seriously. Cutest thing ever. It’s totally ruining our work productivity today, but you should watch guilt-free from the hospital! Hope you feel better soon!

Hi Ali! I hope you feel better soon! You’re so strong to be sharing your journey and it’s so much appreciated. I’ve been following your blog for about a year and love your energy and passion for life. I hope you get better soon so you can get back to doing the things that make you happy!

Oh no. I hope having you held hostage there means they will be making you feel better stat. My sis-in-law is a nice radiology nurse at Mt. Siani (Jeanok Youn) so if anybody pulls any crap – or more enemas – she’ll come punch them out for you!!! Hang in there. And I highly recommend Dexter for entertaining Netflix-streaming.

I’m so sorry you have to go through all of this. I’m sure that soon they will have answers and you will be well on your way to the road to recovery. Hang in there and keep up that positive attitude! You rock!

I am so sorry it got to this point. And I KNOW about the colonoscopy prep. The last time, I thought I was being so smart by choosing the pill prep. Uh, yeah. Not at all. It was even worse and MORE nauseating than the liquid. It was absolutely brutal. Hopefully you won’t need one for a long time. I really hope you feel better very soon.

Oh my goodness Ali, I was hoping you were off on a great Labor Day vacation somewhere. I’m so sorry you’re being held hostage, but on the upside it’s wonderful to hear there are still doctors out there who are proactive and don’t tell you just keep popping different kinds of pills and “too bad” if you aren’t getting better. I hope they figure something out soon and you get to enjoy part of your long weekend. Big ups to Brian, what a trooper. It’s hard being the person there for support, I’ve been there. Good luck chica, feel better soon!!!

Yikes, Ali, not much of a weekend getaway :/
Good luck with your tests, I really hope you get some relief soon! Seems like you’ve been on a wild ride with this stuff lately, but hopefully this hospital stay helps sort things out for you. I know you’ve got places to go and great things to do! Everything will work out in time and I’m crossing my fingers for you that time is here.
Feel better lady!

You are so strong! Keep it up!
I hope that you feel better soon because you have been feeling bad for more than long enough!
I also hope that with the new doctor and all of the testing there will be a new solution that is more effective.
Good luck and stay strong!

Hope you get some positive news from all the tests! Thanks for sharing. For all the rest of us Crohnies it’s comforting to hear about other people going through the same thing. I may be starting on the good ‘ol Remicade infusions soon as well…scary stuff, but your blog makes me happy!

Last night going through my google reader, I thought, “wow, Ali hasn’t posted in awhile, I hope she is all right.” Oh the internet, making strangers feel like friends. Anyway, I am sorry you are in the hospital but am glad you are on the road to recovery!

I know it must suck to be spending a holiday weekend in the hospital, but you are getting the attention you need. I hope that your care takers find a plan that works for you and I admire your strength for sharing this adventure with us. Looking forward to your updates and three cheers for Brian and Lauren who are keeping you company and your spirits up!

I’m so sorry! And so glad at the same time that they’re going to sort this out properly! And I’m glad you have such lovely people to look after you. Something had to be done, I’m glad it’s being done for you!

Oh Ali, I’m so sorry. GI procedures don’t tend to be fun and time spent in the hospital is even less fun. I know I’m always counting the hours until I get out…Do you know how long you might be in? If they have to give you IV steroids, is it possible you can have them at home, if they set things up with home health? That would at least get you out of the hospital. Wishing you all the best — I’ll keep you in my thoughts.

Oh Ali! Sending you hugs from Chitown! BTW: I also got really chatty when I went under… I wish I had done something cooler… like rap. THEY SEE ME ROLLIN’! Classic. 🙂 And so glad Brian and Lauren are there! Being sick is depressing enough, but being in a hospital room alone is maybe one of the saddest things ever!

The pictures of Lauren/Brian cracked me up. I am worried for you and hope that you’ll be better soon, and that the doctors figure out what’s wrong. I also completely sympathize with the multiple pregnancy tests. It’s all you can do to scream “I’M SERIOUSLY NOT PREGNANT!”

Oh, Ali! It’s me, your friend Allison who got all in your biz about your bedsheets. We’re bonded by the best name.
I just wanted to let you know that I’m hoping for the best for you. I know you’ll be back in action soon. In the meantime, it’s heartwarming to see how much support you have. Brian, friends like Lauren, and your awesome family are going to make your road to recovery seem a lot shorter. 🙂

The pictures of Lauren/Brian cracked me up. I am worried for you and hope that you’ll be better soon, and that the doctors figure out what’s wrong. I also completely sympathize with the multiple pregnancy tests. It’s all you can do to scream “I’M SERIOUSLY NOT PREGNANT!”

I’m so sorry you had to be admitted to have all this testing done. But, with some luck once your doctor gets all the test results, he’ll be able to come up with an effective plan for care for you.
Clearly your doctor is waiting for the announcement of the new iPad (rumored to be a smaller sized to be more manageable) before he gets it for you. 😉
I’m glad you have Brian and Lauren there to support you and keep you company. They’re real keepers.

I hope they get you figured out soon. I sometimes mix the colonoscopy prep with sprite for my patients for the first 2 cups or at least while they are still on clear liquids. If they have warm blankets on your unit you should def ask for them at night. Sometimes it seems to help my patients sleep (when i’m not waking them up for vital signs, meds or iv’s 🙂 feel better soon!

oh nooooo this makes me so sad for you 🙁 What a rough rough week, but what a troop of support around you. Brian is awesome, what a guy, and you are doing everything you can to hang in there. We are all here supporting you virtually. Get better soon Ali! XOXO

I hope the doctor gives you good news and comes up with a plan to fix you Ali! In the meantime if you are looking for more tear-inducing medical drama you should check out NYMed on ABC.com. It’s a reality show about hospitals in New York. The most recent episode featured an 18 y.o. boy with Crohns. Hope you feel better soon!

Ali!! I’m so sorry to hear! Keeping all my good thoughts and prayers for you to get fixed up and the eff out! Hang in there kid. (BTW, now that song will be in my head for the rest of the day…great throwback).

Oh no! I’m so sorry to hear you’re in the hospital, but I hope this means you’ll get the help you need to prevent more flare-ups. And it looks like you’ve got a troop of great people helping you through this =)

After your last post I am not surprised you are in the hospital. At least they can fill you with hydration and nutrients and FORCE you to rest. I am so sorry. The team pitched in and got me an ipad when I was in the hospital (life-saver). At least you can watch tons of programs on the computer these days! Please rest and don’t let those nurses wake you up to much. I am glad Brian is by your side through this….he seems like an amazing man. Please email if you need anything…advice, someone to talk to etc. I have started a flare this month too and am doing everything to not land back in there, but same thing….the prednisone is not working so much anymore ;(. Care about you and thinking of you lots. xoxo

UGh .. so sorry you have to go through this Ali. Enemas & IVs & hospital stays are no fun. Keep your eyes on the prize ( a new plan to treat the Crohns) and be thankful for a doc who really wants to get thigns working for your body, not against it. Take care, thinking of you. You will get through this. Emma xx

Well none of that sounds very fun. On the bright side, your friends and boyfriend are super wonderful, and goodness maybe this will really help “get up and running again.” I really hope that you feel whole sometime soon.

Gotta say this one made me cry a little. I know the feeling of the hospitalizations, endless tests, not sleeping and not showering. It is, absolutely, the worst and I’ll say some prayers that the good doctors have found out WTF is going on. It also makes me realize that I clearly need to raise a crapton more money for Team Challenge so we can stop being admitted to the hospitals! 🙂

I’m so sorry to hear about your hospital stay!! I work in Radiology so I totally understand the not-so-pleasantness of everything you are experiencing – especially the enemas. I hope you are back on your feet ASAP. Your brooks probably miss you a lot!

TERESA TOTALLY SUCKS. Not as much as Rebecca though…Sandy’s ex who tries to get in the way of him and Kiki. And the second season is totally the best, particularly because of Denny. DENNY! Remember when they brought him back in that heaven-esque episode where Meredith “dies”? Weird.

omg i can’t believe it’s all gone so wrong! wtf man. someone needs to cartoon your misadventures, and those medical doods need to get you patched up and back to marathon training…tho, if you do nothing but lie in bed between now and november, you can still run it with me waaaay in the back on nov 4 😉 and probably still beat me, really! so let that cheer you up 🙂

Hey Ali, you have a UK fan (probably a number, but I don’t know how many). I’ve been lurking and enjoying your blog for the past few months. Felt I had to send you some get well vibes from over the pond – hope that all these investigations help you get well soon.

Seriously: Riding dirty, the OC, Grey’s/denny, Chino, and Stepmom in one post?! Your search feed is going to be hysterical. Still praying for you, sorry that you’re in the hospital. Do they allow puppies in? I could try to sneak my little guy…

I hope they get you all squared away soon.
Testing sucks, especially MRI’s. Did they give you the shot during that makes you feel like you’re going to wet yourself. Yeah, that one’s fun.
You’ll be running again soon.

I’ve been there in the hospital before because of a dumb Crohn’s flareup! Lots of steroids later, I finally got better. Feel so much better soon! Reading your blog always makes me feel so much better. xoxo

Ali – I’ve said this before but I just want to say again how wonderful it is that you document all of this for other folks out there with IBD. I was supposed to be admitted a few months ago (they decided not to because they said I would go psycho on IV steroids) and was just all weirded out about it and you documenting your experience like this is just so helpful for me and I’m sure so many others who may not know anybody else who shares their experiences, while at the same, you’re just such a positive, brave, witty and inspiring reference – talk about a run-on! So thank you. Feel better soon.

UGH! So sorry to hear you aren’t feeling better, but hopefully with all the poking and prodding they will fix you up in no time! I too have had to give a stool sample, I would have to say dropping a deuce in a bed pan is not one of my highlights in life. I about peed my pants when I read that you started singing ‘They see me rollin’ in the wheelchair. Fantastic! Despite such a terrible thing you are going through, your attitude rocks. Keep on keepin’ on!

Poor thing, hope they find out the best cure. I’ve had all those tests done myself, with a “barium enema” and a defecography (yay!!) thrown in for fun… let’s say you just stop beeing shy.
BTW, I must be really tired because I read that “By 2 PM, all I could think was that I would gently LICK a puppy for some solid food”. You still managed to make me laugh 😉

I agree with you 110% about Grey’s Season 2 and when Ryan went back to Chino on the OC. Horrible idea.

Anyway. I am running the Rock n’ Roll Half Marathon in Virginia Beach tomorrow and will be thinking of you when I want to quit. I’m sure you would kick puppies to be in my shoes and I should be greatfull for my health.

I died laughing when you started singing “they see me rollin..”, your sense of humor is uncanny and wil carry you far in life. I know it’s tough, tough, TOUGH!, sitting in that hospital for so long and wondering why they even want you there. I pray, sing, meditate (whatever), that this is hopefully a journey that will give you answers, hope and peace with your illness.

Ali, i was starting to get depressed when I couldn’t read your posts every morning before I “officially” start my work day. I am so sorry for what you are going through but I hope you get answers soon and feel better and get to run again soon!!! Also, Pancake says thank you for not kicking golden retriever puppies.

Ali, I’m so sorry you’re in the hospital. Crohn’s in the hospital totally sucks. Barium, enemas, needles, liquid diet, GoLytley – it’s all awful stuff. Thank God they gave you your own room though and that you have some awesome friends to cheer you through. When I was 21 and first diagnosed with Crohn’s, I had to take GoLytely prep…with a roommate in suite (would it kill them to flavor that stuff? it tastes like pure gasoline). My roommate was an elderly woman who had just had her foot amputated, and her family visited her until like 11 at night until I told my nurse there was no way i was going to start drinking my cocktail until her fam went home. I think they put us together because she couldn’t walk around or anything so we didn’t have to share a bathroom. She moaned in Spanish all night, and I threw those cups of gasoline back like a frat boy drinking shots. Oh, and my night nurse was a transvestite who wore a ton of orangey face makeup and bright pink lipstick. I hope Dr. Wonderful gets your meds straightened out, that you feel better soon, and that you get that cookie.

Keeping you in my thoughts. You always inspire me to get out the door and go running. Though it’s in Michigan, I work at a humane society and can send you endless pictures of puppies (who are in need of awesome runner moms) if needed.

Ali,
It struck me the internet is a weird place. I have never met you but I follow your blog and am genuinely sad to hear your news. I am sending positive thoughts your way.
Awesome job on the century ride last weekend. I hope to do the 2 day MS ride next summer. Take care.

I just read your last two posts back to back, and I was amazed by just how much changed in a couple of days! I hope the tests have provided a lot of insight and you’ve been able to start a treatment that is working. I’m REALLY sorry about the enema…I had to get one for a CT scan (after drinking that nasty barium crap, they had to shove some up my ass, too) and it is most definitely not pleasant! I’m glad you were able to have a VERY successful century ride before all of this happened!

You’re such a trooper! Your posts are always so refreshing and optimistic – props to you! Also your hair looks really nice (especially in the first couple of photos;) I can never get my hair to look like that!
Best wishes to you!