Friday, December 19, 2008

The Constantly Dramatic One's Shit List: Part 3

Okay this post has been a long time coming. I realise that my ass will get flame after this but then you know, it’s not like having haters on this blog is anything new. Haters on Dramatic Musing is like the sun on a bright shining day. They keep things spicy here and over time I have come to rely on them for my perpetual craving for drama. Yes….. haters complete me in ways no lover ever could.

And for that, I thank you.

Anyways, I dunno bout you guys but as much as I am into this whole blogging thing right, there are just some shit out there that bugs the fuck out of me. Just some random things regarding the blogging world so let me just list them out for you. In no chronological order:

1) Tedious bloggers pissed the fuck out of me. You know those kinds, the ones that have to give you a play by play of their whole life. Every, mundane, minute details have to be described and exploited. Dunno what I’m talking about, let me give you some examples:

“Today I went shopping. I drove there in my silver Volvo. Eric came with me. He sat in the passenger seat next to me. He wore a red hoodie. I told him it makes him look gay. I laughed. Haha.”

“Oh today I woke up. Then I went to the bathroom. Then I took a dump. I wiped my ass with recycled tissue paper. It was pink in colour. I think it is pretty. Haha.”

FYI, no one wants to know about every little mundane shit that goes on in your insignificant little life. Really. Contrary to your singulary belief, you are not as fascinating as you thought. If you want to write shit like that out, get a damn diary. Not a goddamn blog. Reading your blog is so fucking boring that upon setting my eyes on it, watching paint dry and grass grow seem utterly attractive to me.

2) Okay now I understand that you love yourself. That you are in fact, the shiznit. That you are the most beautiful, the most drop dead gorgeous human being that has ever walked God’s green earth. See, I understand that. I understand that some amount of self love is needed for a healthy self esteem.

See I know I am not the most gorgeous woman around. I know that. But sometimes, on good days I look into the mirror and I go “Daaaammmnnnnn giiiirrrrrlll. You are fiiiinnneeee. Now shake that ass baby, shake that ass. Cause you are fiiiiinnnnneeee.” Moments like this would not be complete if I do not pull some Tyra Banks-es poses in the mirror. It’s fun. It keeps me happy. Keeps my self esteem healthy as well. But when I am overcome by moments of narcissism like this, I do not however take 3000 pictures of me and paste it all over my goddamn blog.

Yes, yes ...we know you think you’re gorgeous. We know. Unfortunately we do not sharethe sentiment. But really huney, no one wants to see you in 1700 different posses and faces in the same outfit. Also you know that shit that you do when clearly you are taking a pic of yourself and not looking into the camera, yeah that shit is lame. It does not make you look mysterious. It just heightened your douchebag factor.

3) See I have crappy taste in music. So crappy that whenever I tell people of my favourite artists, people visibly cringe in horror of it all. I listen to shallow pop music and I am not ashamed to admit it. Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Kelly Clarkson, Beyonce and so on and so forth are the singers that are on constant reply on my mp3. I know a lot of people think of pop music as crappy. So much so, that a friend once told me; “When we meet my other friends, please don’t tell them that you listen to Britney and those other crappy music cause then I am forced to abandon this friendship of ours.” It gets to that point okay.

So I understand completely on how other people do not like my type of music. And I respect that. I do not shove it into their ears and I do not force them to like it. I like what I like and vice versa which brings us to that fucking, fucking annoying instant-play-music-widget fuckery.

There are many blogs out there who have music widgets that start playing the moment a reader visits their blog. Let me just point out that those things are the most ridiculously annoying shit I have ever come across. Have it ever occurred to you that the rest of the damn population do not share the same taste in music as you do? Have it ever occurred to you that they might find the music that you oh so love and adore worst then the sound of a cat makes during giving birth? Have it occurred to you that your reader might be listening to their own music, and have no wish whatsoever to listen to your lame ass music while blog surfing? Get rid of that shit.

When I listen to Britney, I do not like to be interrupted.

4) I have issues with advertisings on blogs. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind if you have like only one of those widgets things. Just one. Big one, small one…whatever you know. In fact whenever I go to any blogs that have advertising I make a point of clicking on that ad. Why not? Help out a fellow blogger you know...

What bugs the fuck out of me is when there are multiple ads crisscrossing on the page. I can’t fucking stand that shit. Or that shit when you move the cursor around and the ad follows the movement of your cursor. That shit is soooo fucking annoying okay. Stop it.

Your blog is nothing without your readers. Stop shoving shit into their faces. They come there to read what you write and what you think. Appreciate that. Be grateful. Do not fucking advertise like an asshole just cause you are greedy little piece of shit. Keep it to limited advertising and put that shit at a corner of your page. Not all over it. Have some respect for your readers and in turn they would respect you too.

5) “Hello. You have a nice blog. Link me.”

Really asshole, really?

This shit bugs me in more ways then the others could. I hate this okay. I can’t even describe to you how much I hate it. I hate it so much that I kinda wanna buy me a shotgun and kill all the motherfuckers that come my way and leave this in the comment box.

It’s soooo undignified. Listen, I linked to blogs that I like. Blogs that in some ways amuses me. If these bloggers feel like they wanna link me then they can go ahead and do it, if they don’t then no big whoop. Just because you linked my ass doesn’t mean I want to link yours mmmkay? Why do you need to come to my blog and do that shit? I know it sounds like nothing to the rest of you but I think these people who do these are like the hobos of the blogging world. The ones that stand at street corners asking for a buck. Only these ones troll the comment box asking people to link their boring ass when I have no wish to do so.

Write more interesting shit. Maybe then people would link you without you having to whore yourself out. Was that too harsh? Well, excuuuuuusssse me for not sugarcoating that for you. I ain't Mary Poppins, asshole.

Okay…that’s it. I got that out of my chest. Now tell the Constantly Dramatic One of your blogging pet peeves. Or flame my ass. Or defend your case. Or stop reading my blog all together. Doesn’t matter really. Unlike those douchebags that constantly put up pics of themselves, I am not here for the….what do you call it…"popularity”. I’m here strictly for the bitching.

im all paranoid after reading this post now, mentally checking whether i fit in any of these categories myself! IM TOO AFRAID TO POST NOW CD!!!!also, i just wanted to ask, did you seriously work in an ice cream? like as in a giant sized ice cream cone? am confused...

Today I read this blog. It was funny. It was about tedious bloggers. And music on blogs, which I hate, also. Then I left a comment and then I read another blog. Then I decided to watch All My Children but I was hungry so I ate lunch first. It was tomato soup. YUM!

Leave me and my zombie lifestyle alone!!! Can I dance to your so-called uber glorious Indie music? As a rule, I don't like anything that I can't dance too.

There is such a sound like Britney =p

I miss you too. When are joo kambing bak?

Rujing:

OMG, you're sooo dramatic. I want to take you as my apprentice. Or love child. Either way works =p

Also, what I meant was "ice cream parlour". Sorry for ze stupidity.

Michelle:

Then I laughed after reading Michelle's comment. I turned over and told my golden hamster how cute she is. After that I went downstairs to the kitchen cause I was hungry too. I ate corn soup for dinner. It wasn't that yummeh.

=p

Gypsy:

Babe, chill. These are just my opinions. Everyone entitled to their own opinions. Doesn't mean you have to conform now...

And blow by blow accounts are ok. But when it runs several paragraphs long like a freakin karangan then I feel like smashing their fingers or something to stop them from ever blogging again. And cutesy photos of themselves are not acceptable either...

Hear hear! I agree with all. Especially with the auto-playing music. Especially when I'm on the Internet at night when the husband is sleeping, surfing blogs, and suddenly a loud boom of techno music comes blasting out of the speakers scaring the shit out of the two of us.

I mean come on, NO ONE listens to the music. Really. More often than not, I never return to blogs who auto-play music.

By using this icon on my blog I am stating...

(1) That I am opposed to the use of corporate advertising on blogs. (2) That I feel the use of corporate advertising on blogs devalues the medium. (3) That I do not accept money in return for advertising space on my blog.

halt! who goes there?

Just So You Know

1) The Constantly Dramatic One does not own, produced, created, etc any of the visual materials seen on this blog. All materials are found and taken from around the Net- unless stated otherwise.

2) The things you read here are 90% based on true happenings in my life. However, since my need for drama is insatiable…I might or might not have taken some creative liberties in the retelling of these tales- as to give it a sense of heightened reality. 3) Understand that my blog is not who I am. I am who I am. The Constantly Dramatic One is but an avatar, an online persona - one whom you are free to love, to hate, to judge, to worship.Read this blog with an open mind. Enjoy it if you would, hate it if you must. Either way, the Constantly Dramatic One is here to stay.