bearcountrygg on 05/24/2018:
I've gotten into celery lately too.....usually it spoils in the fridge and I throw it out...lately...it's getting used up.

horn_of_plenty on 05/24/2018:
what i do to use it - cut it all up at once (lol, before it spoils as i have had the same instances where it sits so long it's spoiled before i cut it up!) and once it's all cut up, then i want it...then it's easy grabbing :) to add to meals as a side or eat as a snack!

Sticking to goals the past couple weeks with lower cal counts = scale dipped down finally. so like you all, it didn't happen overnight ! it's take a month long of even knowing i need to get calories lower and two weeks or so of actually doing it. also, not sure the scale will stay in the 113's range but, recording it. :) For me, it's a huge commitment and effort to make a drop in the scale :) and i'm happy when i know i worked towards it! I didn't want to decrease cals too much as i know i'm increasing cardio here and there - best to be able to eat more rather than watching every morsel. It helps to once again have small meals/snacks after work before i do exercise rather than a bigger dinner type meal.

snack: almonds 100, maybe coffee 50 almonds...big amount 250 (cravings continue for fat as i have been as of late and bored/not busy at work and lighter side lunch). coffee 50

Snack before gym: light wrap at home with turkey mustard and celery sticks 250 approx - had popcorn too 100

after gym: bar 250-300

2000, EXCELLENT.

5day: 2020 and i am shooting for avgs to be around 2000 so this is VERY GOOD. head up...beach plans saturday...plans to strive for better...summer has me pumped...working ot get the running in place...yesterday plans changed - not an excuse but planning to go jogging thursday and my helmet arrived :)

Progress as of today: 0.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!

graindart on 05/23/2018:
Always good to see the scale reward for hard work.

bearcountrygg on 05/23/2018:
Glad that it finally moved for you....figuring it all out...and then carrying it out is rewarding!!!!

horn_of_plenty on 05/23/2018:
and lately i'm more motivated to carry it out..must seriously be the nicer weather!

happy-1 on 05/23/2018:
Homemade turkey burger? Yum! Do you buy patties or make your own?

horn_of_plenty on 05/23/2018:
Usually i buy chopped meat not in the patty form bc i like to shape them myself and i add the seasonings to the meat after i take the plastic cover off...i love to add a lot of spices, this time i used Rosemary, garlic, black pepper, sea salt and a little oil to make them moister and it was a good idea to do that so i'm going to continue that approach.

horn_of_plenty on 05/23/2018:
yes...i feel like it's so much more healthy with all the good-for-you spices especially if they are anti-inflammatory like garlic! i usually now add garlic and black pepper into my avocado when i spread it on wraps and sandwiches also!

graindart on 05/23/2018:
Chopped / minced onion added to the patties help keep them moist too, unless you don't like onion of course.

horn_of_plenty on 05/24/2018:
very good idea...i should really try it next time...and those are healthy additions...love it!

Donkey on 05/23/2018:
Way to go on the loss! I know you fought for every one of those pounds.

horn_of_plenty on 05/24/2018:
weight is back up today to 115's - it's still fluctuating...but i also have had some salt all yesterday and i woke up even feeling bloated...overall though, i know my calories are better and that things are heading in the right direction :) thank you!

before jog: granola bar and seltzer 1 MILE ONLY. AND BIKE THERE AND BACK...STARTING TO DO IT DURING THE WEEK AS PLANNED! AND UNLIKE LAST SPRING SUMMER, I'M DOING ONLY 1MILE ON WEEKDAYS THAT I HAVE WORK, THAT'S PLENTY TIME AFTER WORK INCLUDING BIKING TO THE TRACK...****...IT MAY RAIN...IF SO, I WILL WALK HOME THE LONG WAY...NO JOG...AND DO THE JOG ON A SUNNY DAY AS I AM NOT UP TO TREADMILL RIGHT NOW AND ALSO THERE'S MANY SUNNY DAYS AFTER TODAY :)

1450-1500

after jog: wrap with turkey and mustard, fruit?, almond milk? 450.

1950 TOPS. OR ICE CREAM & FRUIT IF I DON'T WANT THE ABOVE DINNER :)

4DAY AVG: 2025, EXCELLENT!

I'VE BEEN GETTING CALS LOWERING BY NOTICING AND STARTING TO CHANGE A LITTLE BIT MY AFTER WORK HABITS WHICH WERE INCLUDING MANY CALORIES DIRECTLY AFTER WORK AND BEFORE EXERCISE AND THEN MORE CALORIES WHICH WERE TOO MUCH AFTER EXERCISE AND LATER IN THE NIGHT...LIKE TWO MEALS AFTER WORK = TOO MUCH.

______________________________________

Have to call a friend tonight... will keep it short bc i am going to eat dinner then jog ..i'll call her on my ride home on bus / as i walk home. it's the one i haven't seen in approx 1.5 years bc we had a fight. i invited her to go out east for another friend's bday although i didn't know it was going to be out east when i invited her. the drive isn't fun alone, i'm sure she's calling to discuss it which is good to at least discuss in advance..she may not even want to go anymore considering the rain predicted...but, we shall see based on the phone call.

she originally called me yesterday around 8pm - i was at gym and let the call go to voicemail as i already interrupted my gym session once to explain to another girl why i wanted her to directly ask the girl if she was going to the party and not to go thru me as an intermediary to ask her and get back to the other - if that makes sense.

part of the reason why we were fighting is i felt she was too dependent on me - something i do not want - i don't want to be blamed for making her do a long drive or for her not having a good time....so my point is i don't want to be even placed to have to drive with her there if she complains, at all, about the long drive or weather....i didn't want to even be the one asking if she's coming...i'd rather she tell the bday girl who's making the plans without me in the middle. i just did the favor to ask the bday girl to invite her....grrr...there's a reason i asked for her to be included:

...she didn't want to hang out with me alone! she said she wanted certain people (a married couple we are friends with) there...who are NOT usually very available (like for 2-3 months at a time they may be traveling or working)...that's why it's been a month since i contacted her and we haven't hung out...bc somehow it comes down to me making sure the two others can attend...i don't like the extra work i have to do just to be her friend. this is why we fought initially. the married couple will be at the party, which is why i went out of my way to invite my friend who wanted to only hang out with me if they were there! yeah...nutz!

Progress as of today: -1.2 lbs lost so far, only 5.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/22/2018:
Friend problems can get so complicated......A 35 plus year friend and I broke off the friendship about a year ago because things were just so involved...over that time she was divorced 3 times...and had many serious family problems...and I was basically someone she called to just vent to...and then hang up...........then...over time...because she told me all of her family problems for so long...she decided that I knew too much...LOL....she was turning 70 years old...and wanted to start a new life...LOL...GOOD LUCK with that!!!...I encouraged her to do just that!!!! No contact since...and I'm personally relieved....my life has been so much calmer since.

similar to you, this girl did rely on me socially and on the phone...certain things i'm not willing to give as much as i used to...i'd rather have a man in my life :) and not have to be forced into an hour long conversation at night or get into an accident driving bc i'm trying to talk to her on the phone...i've outgrown some of what i had with her...

i introduced her at times to my family, i met her dad once and nobody else besides one of her friends, once - in over 10 years.

she became friendly with my friends. i liked to try to include her in everything and sometimes people asked if we were lesbians - NO WAY!

what i had with her was nice, but it needed to change and i needed space...as did probably her also to grow and change...

relationship was too stagnant when life requires growth and change.

it was very similar to your case with her. i was wanting change...and i felt constricted by her...that i owed her more than...brb.

horn_of_plenty on 05/22/2018:
lol, someone came in and i had to stop typing...

basically, i felt she thought i owed her more time and when i didn't want to give it or hung out with someone else i felt that she felt upset by it...and then when i invited her, she'd blame me if it was a long drive or she didn't have a good time...so, i was stuck doing only routine things with her or otherwise any new experience would come with negative consequences also...eh....some of it i refuse to experience again so i'm trying to change my ways a bit. so tonight i'm not sure what she's even going to ask about. maybe she doens't want to go. that would be fine with me - bad weather for driving i doubt she'd be happy driving out at least 2hours each way...for her more like 3hours i think each way.

bearcountrygg on 05/22/2018:
I get what you are saying.....it sounds like a very similar kind of situation that I had. Everything always had to be about her and everyone always let her down because no one put her on the pedestal that she demanded to be on. Friends like that are exhausting........

horn_of_plenty on 05/22/2018:
YES...and i was that friend who'd bring her up...and help her...i reached out because it was fun to have a friend to do things with...but i reached out so much that she ended up expecting it of me - to reach out.

yes, you got it. i treated her with a lot of extra compassion and effort than i did with anyone else - like she was a sister. but in the end, if i want that type of relationship, i think the next time will be with a man.

bearcountrygg on 05/22/2018:
Yup....I totally get it. This gal was such a drama queen...that she thought her ex was monitoring her house...we went over there so Denny could look at some wires she found....and they were her doorbell wires...LOL...when her in ground oil tank leaked...she said her ex came and took the oil.....when someone slid on the ice and knocked down her mailbox she said her ex did it so she couldn't get her child support...every grey truck she saw was an ex watching her house. The neighbor had his security camera so that it was watching her house ( no he was watching his driveway)...some gal she worked with sent her a negligee and told her to find a man of her own and leave that gals husband alone...LOL....I watched her and her last husbands dog while they went to Canada on vacation....and he came to pick the dog up...without her...I asked where she was and he said she was sleeping...NOPE...they had gotten in a fight...and she told him to go home without her...and he did...and she took a train home a couple of days later...she didn't call me....and was upset that I didn't call the police about her not being there with him.....Such a drama queen. She said that I should have thought that he killed her...so I should have reported it....THAT IS WHAT SHE WANTED EVERYONE TO THINK.....I just don't have time in my life anymore for that kind of person.

Donkey on 05/22/2018:
Proud of you for getting the jogging done - bravo!!

horn_of_plenty on 05/22/2018:
It was a walk lol.... bc form outta work sorta late and was on phone - still need to jog - grrrr now I'll plan to do it Thursday ! lol I'm just glad my legs do not hurt and that I'm gradually getting stronger :)

horn_of_plenty on 05/23/2018:
STILL WORKING ON IMPLEMENTING THIS PART OF THE PLAN...FORGIVING MYSELF FOR YESTERDAY bc i still moved around (sorry caps were on lol) ...and working on the jog situation still...i do not plan for many more phone calls holding me back or working late at work which doesn't happen so often anymore...next time i have a plan, it'll stay :)

Yesterday after eating a bit too much i went to my bed around 3pm and spent almost the entire night there except when i woke up at 6pm and ate something small. I continued to sleep almost without waking up at all through the entire night until my alarm this morning..tonight i'll go to gym :) looking forward to being there and happy feelings i get while i am there!

Yesterday was successful. Ended up paying a short visit spur of the moment passing thru to my parents and gave my mom her belated mother's day gift as well as helped her order a gift off a registry for an upcoming bridal shower that we are attending. all is good. Just ordered a shoe rack for the hallway so my shoes aren't a mess and its easier to get ready in the mornings as well between shoes hidden in my closet now i can display them for easy grabbing and wearing each day!

It's time to get ready to go jogging and use my fixed bike and breaks to get there...which reminds me - to order a helmet. i forgot to get it yesterday..helmet was $16..lots of shopping for slightly necessary things..!

gym later in afternoon / early evening :) everything else is just relaxing and doing my own nails (always a clear coating when i do them) :)

horn_of_plenty on 05/21/2018:
yes, happy to see my parents and give mom her gifts and help her order a gift...it was time used wisely with parents :)

bearcountrygg on 05/20/2018:
When I use shoe racks I wear different shoes more often.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/20/2018:
yes...def part of my plan...it was $20 with free shipping and holds 20 pairs shoes / umbrella, and anything else i want to quickly put somewhere...even my bag to keep it off the floor :) it's sturdy!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/20/2018:
yes, for sure!!! it'll help me actually SEE the shoes i have rather than search for them each day in my dark closet! for sure. and easy for organization rather than them being all over the floor! so great :)

happy-1 on 05/20/2018:
Aaaaw, gotta show mom some love. I still say take her ziplining!

horn_of_plenty on 05/21/2018:
my mom would be very mad bc she wouldn't ever go! lol lol lol she's not into adventure!

8am Breakfast 650 chips/light ice cream (didn't have a good breakfast plan and was craving salt then just decided on the ice cream also) - but will come up with a plan for the rest of today.

11am brunch: out with friend at diner - they have a good shrimp salad, so getting that...600 tops. i can stay away from coffee and use my teeth whiteners this weekend, lol.

2pm snack: ? 200 cal?

1450.

5pm dinner at home since i have a lot - my roasted eggplant in a wrap with avocado and beans..thinking no meat.550. fruit if i want it strawberries 50. 600.

100, 150, 120, 160, 100 650 tops.

movie i rented at home..

going to bed early tonight.

____________________________________

after brunch i'm showing this friend my hamster back at my place and then driving to gett my bike fixed, again.

laundry gonna do it now before brunch :)

Calories 2050

Progress as of today: -1.2 lbs lost so far, only 5.2 lbs to go!

graindart on 05/19/2018:
Haven't been to a "diner" in quite awhile. When I think diner, I think of a large quantity of open-faced roast beef sandwich with mashed potatoes and heavily peppered gravy.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/19/2018:
yep, they have huge portions and just about every American food you can think of ;)..originally planned not to eat much breakfast, but i ended up enjoying food at home so now gotta watch portions.

bearcountrygg on 05/19/2018:
D loves diners...that is his favorite place to eat.....

horn_of_plenty on 05/19/2018:
I like them too! A thousand different options !! And always coffee !

Maria7 on 05/19/2018:
Sounds like a nice, busy day. Glad you are enjoying your hamster. We are enjoying 4 new kittens over here. :-)

horn_of_plenty on 05/19/2018:
Wow ! Are they outdoors or indoors ! That's a lot !

Horn_of_plenty on 05/20/2018:
NO WAY !!!! haha....they have the MOST AWESOME grilled shrimp salad, where the amount of shrimp on the salad is endless :) so many which makes me happy and they are grilled and flavored just right!

another diner i go to puts FOUR medium shrimp on the salad and doesn't flavor them well....not enough protein or flavor.

Lunch: spiralized zucchini noodles and caeser dressing 150, tomatoes 20, egg 80, matzah 130 with whole avocado 320 (yes donkey today i actually had a whole one bc i didn't want to take half home and still craving fat! first time i ever had a whole one!) 550.

Snack: ? cookie/crackers 150..maybe i can skip this and just have a small coffee...

1350

Dinner before gym: egg sandwich 350

1750

after gym: protein cookie 350..or to save calories by 100, i can have a Cliff Bar.

for weekend, i'll be once again attempting moderate cals and another attempt (and will actually plan this) to successfully have lower cals - 1800 per day for both Saturday and Sunday is a good plan i'd say. Not too low but lower than i've been...

on weekend i'll be once again getting my bicycle fixed...flat tire and squeaky breaks so lots to fix...no amount of oil has fixed the breaks...getting tire replacements that don't allow nails in the road to pop the tubes.

Also, today after work i'm purchasing a few pairs of dress pants since there's a sale at Express today buy 1, get 1 $19.50. The clothes run big at Express and i'm a size 2 whereas the 2's i wear now from another store are completely too small...i just need dressy pants that fit...cannot continue to wear these black NY&Co. dress pants size 2 and so tight right now. Sick of wearing Jeans to work only...need some dress pants for NYC.

Lastly, I'm ready to begin jogging 1x per weeknight in addtional to my jog on weekends...i'm ready to bring it up a notch...totally not giving up. Next CO exam will be in 1-1.5 years from now most probably. so this running task, it's not for life but for the next year or so. i can do this.

Bought pants at lunch since express Is a few blocks from work!!! it was a good deal but you don't wanna know the price for 4 pairs. now i have to wear them!

Progress as of today: -1.2 lbs lost so far, only 5.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/18/2018:
Great buy on the pants......keep the tight ones...you will need them a little later!!!

horn_of_plenty on 05/18/2018:
yes, and i just bought the tight ones like a few months ago! ahhhh. i threw the big ones i had out, lol.

horn_of_plenty on 05/18/2018:
it was my first time...i ate it on crackers.

Donkey on 05/18/2018:
I wish I wore a size 2... alas, these tree trunk legs of mine won't go for that.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/18/2018:
i think in other brands, i am a 4.....seems every woman in NYC is a size triple zero or something! they are suddenly all so small! i have no desire to lose weight like that though!

I need to STICK WITH MY PLAN and stop falling into temptations. my stomach is very bloated this AM...i have to stop eating garbage for dinner. my fingers and body are swollen and bloated and it's not healthy the way i am going along each day. need to go back to smaller portions in the evenings. I can do this. Weight still up 5lbs. Really it's bc i am sabbotaging myself. I do know better. All i have to do is follow my plans.

6day avg: 2125, decent but really tight pants. i may buy a few pairs in a bigger size...as i am a small size, and it's starting to be embarassing how tight everything is / feels. we'll see.

_____________________________________

I'll do the long walk from the bus today... oand bed early bc last night was late ran into obstacles involving cleaning the hamsters cage bc the water bottle leaked all over and therefore had to change the bedding and clean the cage and then dumped a bit of the soiled bedding on the floor then got it on my clothes...was a mess last night and the hamster was in it's ball on my wood floors and i was hoping nieghbors wouldn't get too annoyed...! i may have to keep the ball more on the carpeted parts of my apt only bc the hamster has so much energy and bangs all the walls.

Progress as of today: -1.2 lbs lost so far, only 5.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/17/2018:
When you are ready to stick to the plan you will. Putting pressure on yourself to do it will just cause stress, and then rebellion. I truly wish there was a good way to just forget dieting and live in the moment and eat and feel good and have a better picture of ourselves in our minds...we spend so much time putting ourselves down...it's no wonder we feel like failures. Maybe we should be working on self esteem too.

horn_of_plenty on 05/17/2018:
yes, this is what is going on .... thanks BCGG :) lately just feeling off.

bearcountrygg on 05/17/2018:
They must wonder what you do up there...LOL......we had an apartment where the little girls upstairs pushed rolling toys or cars around a lot....when they were in the kitchen area...it was loud. Same kids...unhooked the water hose to their toilet and went back to bed......I got up at 1 A.M. and stepped into 3 inches of water....they had flooded their apartment, ours and the one below us.....that was a HUGE mess!

Donkey on 05/17/2018:
OK, you've been talking about your calorie averages and such, so I took a look at today's menu, and here's a suggestion: How about cut your avocado intake in half. It looks like you had half in the morning, a whole one for lunch, and then half for dinner?

So just a suggestion based on an observation. Otherwise, even with all of the avocado, it looked like a good day to me :-)

PS That was so cute to read about Hammy Girl in her little plastic ball :-)

horn_of_plenty on 05/18/2018:
yes, it was half avocado :) 300 was for it and the matzah crackers i had it with ;)...usually i have half but was tempted to eat a whole one today or i have to bring it home with me, lol...

this hamster has so much energy, she is nuts!

horn_of_plenty on 05/18/2018:
ty for the good tips! i do appreciate them and realize i just eat too many calories all day...still working on fixing this.

gym tonight since yesterday didn't happen bc i was running very late and prefered going to bed early than staying out extra late.

I woke up and still feel like a truck ran over me...perhaps eating better would help a bit...moving forward. Also being allergy season. also this past weekend being a major change from the typical. anyways, moving forward!

Progress as of today: -1.2 lbs lost so far, only 5.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/16/2018:
That reminds me...I KNOW I have an avocado hiding somewhere in the fridge...I need to find that...they are so expensive right now. I see you had a clementine...I had a cutie...and then there are tangerines....I'm wondering if they are all the same thing...LOL

horn_of_plenty on 05/16/2018:
clementine is a seedless tangerine..many types of tangerines i guess - bc they all have such different tastes as i have been eating them from my coworker (a brand he buys) and myself (a brand i buy) for a couple months now!

bearcountrygg on 05/16/2018:
ok...the cutie didn't have any seeds either....now the question is....are clementines and cuties the same...LOL....maybe a cutie is smaller.

Donkey on 05/16/2018:
Those allergies can make you feel like you've been hit by a Mack truck. This year must be bad, because even I'm sneezing a lot. I usually get sinus infections rather than the typical allergy symptoms. Now that my husband has started a new medicine for his AS, though, I CANNOT get sick.

Tomorrow is one day closer to the weekend!

horn_of_plenty on 05/17/2018:
bc of all the rain, i don't even feel allergies today so i'm skipping even taking anything..

Edit - took too long to get car so gym will happen tomorrow as I didn't want to be ought very late bc I got to gym late and also deal with hunger and bed late - so gym is tomorrow when I'm not also picking up my car after work from the dealership as that is done now - there was also lots of traffic bc of a storm - so tomorrow will be better. And tonight just bed

Home: kombucha settled my stomach, actually, because i woke up bloated but did nothing else other than settle the bloat a bit. 60

Lunch: from home - i have 2 eggs 150 and leftover seasoned israeli salad 50, zucchini noodles (store packaged but made like using a spiralizer...)with Caeser dressing i bought as a change of pace 150? will check cals later. matzah. 150. 500.

Snack 1: plum 50

1150

Before gym:granola bar? 100

1250

Dinner 550

1800, good ...if i stick to this plan.

4day: 2150

___________________________________________

My whole body and my mind is tired today. i feel like a brick. and i feel like i have a cloud over me. ah well, moving forward. i will keep on with working out and reach my goals. I am tired. I do not like sitting here all day. If i can train well enough to beat the test, i'll become a court officer - though to do that, i have to actually be jogging MUCH BETTER than i do now which i am still working towards...getting better but at the pace of a snail. I'll keep on. I feel like the whole world is pushing me down and that its not possible today. i am angry that it's become so difficult to change. my body actually feels swollen though i don't know what i ate that had salt?

____________________________________________

Late to work by 15min, no excuse, just not leaving early enough for my new 8am time that started last Tuesday..

avocados i am having more this week after a break from them this weekend which i have been craving as i think it helps clear my skin which is broken out due to horrible eating all weekend, but enjoyment yes to eat all the crap (skin is broken out i believe from diet drinks and caffeine).

Progress as of today: -1.2 lbs lost so far, only 5.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/15/2018:
Hope the day gets better for you....you are past the halfway mark at least! :>)

horn_of_plenty on 05/15/2018:
yes, past the halfway mark... there's more reasons i think why i feel this way...they happen to be certain thoughts i have right now based on the weekend...will write about it later or in next few days when things get a little slower again :)

horn_of_plenty on 05/15/2018:
basically it's that i wish to work in a different type of role. and that at the outing seminar, i was told it would be great if i helped others in my administrative division be active in the union when i do not like the social part of it at all. i don't like socializing a lot, especially when tired, especially when i'd like to work out...i just don't want to be that one...the one with responsibilities to tie everyone together...i don't want to even be asked or to think about it. and knowing my dad is the opposite from me...it all is just giving me a headache.

horn_of_plenty on 05/15/2018:
and farther and farther from court officer i get.

horn_of_plenty on 05/15/2018:
and the more tired i get, out of shape, etc.

also, the more alone i feel and disconnected from friends.

ah well, i can change it.

bearcountrygg on 05/15/2018:
I'm sure it's not easy to really dislike the line of work you are in yet have to do that every day.

horn_of_plenty on 05/15/2018:
i know i should not complain...it's just all wrong.

horn_of_plenty on 05/15/2018:
meaning, my whole life is like the weirdest experience. lol. all good. moving on.

Donkey on 05/15/2018:
I'm glad you decided to skip the gym, just because when you're having a day like you describe - feeling-wise and running late with other errands (your car) - it's best not to push or rush. Just put this day behind you and to bed.

Here's a question: If you had a choice, would you prefer to do the estimating work or the union work? I'm not sure either one ranks high on your list, but if you had a choice?

Maybe that's what's getting you down today: feeling like your choices are limited... taking too long... or too far away from happening. I'm sorry I don't have something more comforting or inspiring to say at the moment. (((hugs)))

horn_of_plenty on 05/16/2018:
sometimes i wish i didn't have to spend a lot of time doing fitness and not making more friendships, etc., but then i argue to myself that at least i am happy when i am in the gym...

the union doesn't pay very well and part of being in estimating is that i'm also in the union...it's kinda like if i'm estimating, i'm also in the union and that is volunteer stuff...they go together and i do not think i'd want to only work for the union...as i think it pays far lower than i make now...i'd thought and spoken to my dad about it once.

everything you said was fine as usual - good question about union stuff. it's possible to leave my company and only work for the union directly but the pay is low...being involved is good, it can get me places but all my life prior to the 7.5 years here i have always been involved and it sometimes got me somewhere and sometimes nowhere....and i just don't want to give my extra time to the union to volunteer etc bc i'm not social...or at least i do not know everyone well enough.

i wish to drift off and find myself a man who likes me for me and just be happy like that !