Sunday, 19 February 2012

Growing up is such an ordeal, that with each year it throws in obscure realisations about life, future and all that mess. I've often felt many moments as crucial junctures, accommodating present happenings into the larger idealised picture of the future that the mind creates for recreation. It's often a comfortable happy task, and often one mingled with hope and a tinge of fear that my tendency to see things positively tries to stifle, often with grand success.

Honesty is not always my forte, I succumb to exaggerations because I love to be the good talker. But my skewed sense of honesty often pricks in positions of discomfiture. I see this time of my life as a critical juncture. There's the hovering idea of where I might land up for further studies, compiled with a distaste for the thought that critical beings are going to make, well, critical remarks if I don't land up in a place that is not ostensibly good. it makes me feel scared of judgements. But then, to think of it, of all the judgemental people I know, I'm probably one of the most prudish of them.

That brings me to judgements in the first place. Of course, there is an evaluation body everywhere. If not in the glares and appreciations of other people, then your own degree of conscience which is not adjustable because it in itself starts to judge the adjustments. Quite the Big Brother. But like all those big preachy words that fall flat when confronted with a reality check, I'd like to believe that keeping our own conscience and humility in place, we can only succeed if we learn to evaluate judgements dispassionately.