Telling you how it is on love, life, work and therapy

Month: May 2016

Question Time! Time has flown by and would seem that you’ve nearly got yourself into a relationship, but there’s a niggling feeling that you’re just not completely into him. With previous relationships you wanted to rip their clothes off, you thought of them all the time, you couldn’t even muster the will to eat if you hadn’t heard from him for one day. But this guy, well nothing seems to faze you, if you don’t see him for a week you’re not starving to death, if he doesn’t message for two days you hadn’t even noticed. What does this mean? Does it mean you should stop it now as it clearly isn’t going anywhere or do you continue going hoping that maybe one day you’ll become obsessed with him, love does grow and that?

Fact: You are merely talking about the difference between lust and love. One is a dangerous passion that has a clear ending point, the other is a mature and real life situation. Lust brings you crazy sex, deep feelings of obsession, jealousy and sometimes self hatred. Love offers you someone that equally feels as you do, someone who is there to grow with you and make you be the best you can be (if you think you’re in love and you don’t experience the above then GET OUT NOW).

So in short, if you question your potential new relationship by comparing it to previous lustful ones, it never stands a chance and nor do you for real found happiness.

Lesson to Learn: Everyone should experience lust once in their lives, it would be criminal not to. But when it comes down to it, the thing we all seek is love; a best friend, a partner in crime and a lover all in one. If you’re missing the insane sex part, revert back to: Where Has The Honeymoon Gone for inspiration, or failing that a glass of wine and rabbit time.

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Question Time! You’ve been on quite a few dates, and you’re both really enjoying each other’s company. But you can’t help let some of your anxieties/jealous tendencies creep out. You know the ones, checking who he has recently befriended on FB, being slightly annoyed if he has partied until 7am (who was he with?!?!), him not messaging on a night out or even him choosing to see mates over you (aren’t you supposed to be the only one he wants to see right now!) You can tell it bums him out but you feel you’re close enough to share these feelings and if he really liked you, he would understand where you’re coming from…..

Answer: HOLD IT DOWN. Under no circumstances do you unleash any side of you that does not consist of fun, chilled, cool, sweet, sexy… The inner layer that we all have, some more severe than others (if yours is really bad – check out my therapy page) has to be kept under wraps until we know he has well and truly fallen for you. Don’t fool yourself that you’re there, if you’re not. When he declares his love for you (not during sex) then you’re there!

Lesson to Learn:It’s like catching a fish, if they wriggle too much some of them can break free, but if they’re well and truly caught, they’re not going anywhere.

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It’s got to that time in life, where you’re juggling work, mates, family, hangovers and quite simply you’re not doing anything new or cool to meet new people, more importantly to meet new lovers. Same old shit just a different day. You waste time bitching that you’re stuck in a rut but yet don’t actually do anything to get out of it.

It’s all very well us being SO busy, our diaries are just SO booked up and there’s never enough time to see mates. Well there’s simple ways around this.

Introduce your mates to each other, so when you need to see them and catch up you can do it en mass, taking up just one of your precious evenings not the whole week.

Round the troops, not the boring troops, the ones you know who are up for anything single or taken.

Bring cool ideas to the table, if you’re a Westsider jet off to East and grab some edgy shit. If you’re a Southerner bring the team North and find some hidden door to a mysterious bar where no one is cool but everyone thinks they’re cool and get it on.

Realise you live in one of the coolest cities, and to say you’re bored in it, deserves a slap.

Lesson to Learn: This is our hay day, our moment, the time we can fuck it and be free, so what you waiting for….

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You’re in a relationship, you’re in love, most of the time you’re happy BUT you can’t help be jealous of your single mates, out and about with no worries meeting fitties and coming back with funny tales. Question: Do you stay put or join the others on whats seems to be the fun, wild side of life?

The same can be felt on the opposite side. You’re single, trying your best to find someone to hang with, not just a quick bone, but someone that you can have fun with, who listens to you and makes you feel good about yourself. All your mates are in relationships, no one is around anymore to go out and be your wingman; they’re all having supper parties with other couples and being smug. Question: Do you settle for the next best thing so you too can be loved and part of a twosome, or continue being free until you meet the someone you actually want to be with?

The fact is no matter what side you’re on, you will always feel a pull to be on the opposite side, nothing is ever 100% right and you can always pick flaws in your situation. However, you must remember that every situation changes, one day you’ll be in a loving relationship, the next you will waking up to an empty bed. Similarly, one day you’ll be eating crisps alone on your sofa, the next you’re having amazing new relationship sex. So for now you need to focus on the current side you’re on, find the positives and enjoy it.

Lesson to Learn: You must be in the present, to wish for something you haven’t got is a waste of time and energy. Life has a funny way of sorting itself out, without you having to bring your anxious itches to the table.

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