Home»NLP Coaching» Why Is It So Difficult To Change – Even If You Know You Should Part 2

Why Is It So Difficult To Change – Even If You Know You Should Part 2

Change of old habits is often necessary – but are you finding difficult to change what you’re familiar with?

In Part 1 of this article we shared with you the example of our client who was in a situation where he did not feel “safe” since his job was in jeopardy. But at the same time he felt like he could or would not be able to take any action to correct or change the situation.

We also talked a little about our unconscious “filters” called Meta-programs and we said that Meta-programs are simply content free inner filters, by which we automatically – and unconsciously of course – filter how we perceive the world. Yes, not everybody perceives the world around in the same way. There are significant differences in behavior from person to person, and the Meta-programs influence and guide our strategies or thinking styles.

I am not going to repeat here the whole discussion about Meta-programs – for this read Part 1 of this article.

Here Is How to Find Out What Is Your Relationship Meta-Program

To find out how it works for you is very simple.

Take three coins (of the same kind please)and place them on the table like this:

If you don’t reproduce the instructions exactly the way they’re explained (notice closely how the coins are arranged), you will get… Well… let’s say that your conclusions will be imprecise!

Then ask yourself the question: What is the relationship between these three coins?
What is the relationship between these three coins?

Write down your answers as they come up. Do not stop at one single answer. Write down several answers as you think of them.

What you will notice is exactly what we described above.
It may be that you will find your answers having to do only with similarities, how these three coins are the same.

Another possibility could be that that you will see only how they’re all different. How they are dissimilar.

But it is also possible that, in different percentages, you will have most of it sameness with a little difference; or sameness with differences equally, or differences with a little sameness at the end.

These are all possibilities.

Why Is This Important To Know?

Because this very filter determines for how long you will stay in the same situation (job, house, etc.) before you have the “itch” to change.

If your answers were completely about sameness, you will be happy to stay in the same job, doing the same thing without any change for life. BUT if your partner is filtering information differently from you, s/he could get quite bored with the old and unchanging you. If your boss/manager at work is filtering information differently from you, they will consider you the same old boring person and you may get in trouble for lacking innovation and creativity.

If your answers were all about differences, every year to a year and a half you will have the need to change things (including your job, or where you live, and maybe even your partner or the way you relate to them).If your partner has a little more need for stability – more sameness – s/he will find this continuous change a little tiring! In fact, it will drive them nuts!

Imagine you’re coming home from work only to find all the furniture in the house completely different – changed around or even brand new. Now,you cannot find your sock drawers and have no clue where the glasses are in the kitchen, because meanwhile they’re not in the kitchen anymore, they just moved to the pantry!

As funny as this may seem, different Meta-programs can create real difficulties in a relationship – personal or in career – especially if the two people’s differences are somewhat extreme.

Now, if your answers were somewhere in the middle with sameness and differences combined, then first you need to look at the order and then count how many of each you came up with. In this way you will know how much sameness or differences (change) you are prone to accept in your life.

If you’re mostly sameness with little difference, you will be happy in the same job for about 7 years, if you’re sameness with differences equally then you will be happy in the same job 3-5 years and if your answers were mostly differences with a little sameness, then after 18 months to 3 years you will start looking for a change.

So We Know, Sameness or Differences…Now What?

Needless to say, as many of you have probably already guessed, our client sorted information by total sameness. For him everything had to stay the same,including the arrangement of the furniture in his house. Therefore his job followed the same rule. He could not follow a rational trail of thought nor produce any behavior that would change anything – it was against his Meta-program.

But, Meta-programs are not “cast in stone”. For a long time the prevalent thinking was that if you’re formed in a certain way, there is nothing you can do. This is the way you are, and that’s it!

What is worth mentioning though, is that his wife complained regularly of him being unmovable, lacking creativity, being boring and stuck. It is not that he was any of those, he simply was a total sameness person. Always the same. The same meals, the same way of dressing, the same hair cut – and his hairstyle looked like he descended straight from the 70’s.

In the next article we will consider other aspects of how only one of the Meta-programs can prove beneficial or detrimental to us and what can we do to turn it all around in our favor.

Adriana James M.A., Ph.D. is a Certified Master Trainer of Neuro Linguistic Programming, Master Time Line Therapy® Trainer, Hypnosis Trainer and NLPCoaching Trainer. She is the author of the book Time Line Therapy® Made Easy, an introduction to Time Line Therapy® techniques easy to master by everyone. To read more about Adriana go here.