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Tuesday, August 28, 2012

It has been a picture taken two years prior to this and it is a picture that was taken this year? Start guessing now and at the end of the post I will share a picture!

So it has been discovered that Jessa is a very good catcher at 10 years old. A very natural ability to do this job on the field! She went to All-Stars and caught 6 innings there as well as caught 2-3 every game we played. She plays shortstop when she is not behind the plate. Which she also fields well. However it was her catching skills that everyone began to talk about. And so in July after softball season was done she went to Michigan State University catchers camp! I wanted to share this picture of her....

Here she is sitting in the dugout at Secchia Field....

MSU softball is also a big deal to my little ten year old as she imagine it is a MSU fan. She has always wanted to be a veterinarian and wants to go to MSU for her education and play softball for them! She was able to meet the coaches of Spartan softball; Head Coach Jaquie Josephn who Jessa said she was scared of and she was great to watch, but honestly she intimidated me a lot! She was awesome though! I was able to get a few greatideas to help me coach my teams next season. However Jessa worked with Assistant Coach Jessica Bograkos most of the day and loved her! It was fun to watch and the Spartans softball program put on a great camp for the girls.

For Jessa the day was so much more than drills! This day was a dream for her to play on Secchia Field where the Spartans play. For her to work with a coaches that she truly admires was a great feeling. Jessa has every intention of continuing to play softball behind the plate and hopes that one day she will be scouted to play for MSU. Until then she'll play for Newaygo. When we got home from camp that day she said, "Mom, the field was so big and the stands it felt so real to be there catching behind the Spartan plate. Ya know mom that is my field of dreams there at that stadium!" Keep Dreaming Jessa dreams come true!

In other fields of dreams does anyone have a guess about the other picture I wanted to share with you?

Of course it is Phil and I at our Annual Donate Life Tigers game. This is the 3rd year that we went to this game and look we are still in love and happy! (Note the left hand on chest still no ring!) The day was hot and I do not mean a little I am talking a game time temperature of 100 degrees! We were able to see some great friends; Schomakers, Butchers, & the Spehn's. We were also able to see a shutout game on our field of dreams as the Tigers fell 0-13 against the dominating Angels......YIKES!!!

Phil and I also went to Wrigley Field this summer and watched the Tigers and the Cubs. This series of games at Wrigley Field only happens every six years so it was awesome to be there! Oh and we did watch Justin Verlander pitch as well as the Tigers beat the Cubs.

I would say over all we had a summer filled with our fields of dreams!

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

In the last 3 years I have come across many parents that have lost their children now. parents who are bereaved less time than me and some longer. I have also seen friends I love dearly lose their children. Honestly having to bury your own child should be a crime. While it breaks my heart when I meet any parent who has had to face this awful task I have found in the last three years that is the moms I know personally that hurt the worst for me.

This is not about me and I do not want to sound selfish, but it hurts not just because I remember all to well what it feels like to plan a funeral I never imagined I would, but I feel like I am supposed to know what to say to them and I do not. I never know what to say to parents who have had to face this awful loss. As a parent who lost my son I know what not to say, but have difficulty finding the right words to say. I never know what to say, because really there is nothing I can say that will make it easier.

This is not just a random thing today. A friend of mine passed away this week and his funeral is on Saturday. His name is Jonathan and he had the most infectious smile, gave the best hugs, extremely respectful, and never had a problem expressing himself. I have bought many of Jessa's clothes from his little sister who also helped raise money for EHSB. His mother was my boss for 3 years and we have always kept in contact. I know his whole family, but my heart breaks the most for his mom. I just can not seem to find the words for her.

I have another friend that lost her young son 2 years ago. My daughter Jayde and her son Gagge went to school together and I helped her coach his soccer team one season (learned he had a CHD) which is how I met her. To this day I do not know what to say to her. She is still very heart broken. I love her and can not make this better for her. No amount of conversations will ease the pain. So what am I supposedd to do for these friends; What Do You Say?

The part of me that wants them to know the truth wants to blurt it out, but that seems harsh. The part of me that just wants to ease their pain wants to say whatever they need to hear. Of course I want to tell them how sorry I am that I know the pain, but I do not know their pain exactly. I so wish that I knew what to say. I so wish that these things just didn't happen.....

Monday, August 20, 2012

Well when I first looked at this blog and seen that I have not blogged in so long I was fairly taken back as I remember how vital writing was to me when this journey on blogging/carepages started. I have said many times in the last few months that I missed writing. I guess it is time to just get back to it. Not sure where to start after all this time has passed, but I guess a good catch up for starters would pry be a nice start for all of you right?!
Jessa is going to start middle school in two weeks....I am nerve racked that my first born is going to be in middle school already! Orientation is next week for her and I really wish she was not growing up so fast! She is so funny and caring! I am still amazed at the way she is. She had a very successful softball season this past spring moving into a catchers position! She made it to All-Stars and then went to Michigan State's softball catchers camp in July. She is also learning that you can be fashionable and modest at the same time!
Jonathin starts 4th grade in two weeks. He is excited about his teacher and I am fearful that him and Owen (Phil's son) in the same class may be a bad thing! Time will tell....Otherwise Jonathin had a not as successful baseball season, but enjoyed being on Phil's team.
Jayde starts 3rd grade in a couple weeks and that means she is in the big elementary school.....Hard to believe that she too is venturing into a new school. She had her last year of coach pitch baseball and will venture into softball next spring and has also decided that she wants to play basketball. She is growing to be quite the athlete.
Which I guess brings me to Phil....Well I am happy to report that we are still together. We are still just dating. I look at the last two plus years with him and boy has some of it been challenging. I suppose that helps me to appreciate the fact that I would have only wanted to share it with him. He is still my best friend, my favorite team mate, and honestly he holds the key to my heart. However when I say that it has been trying it has truly had its moments of trials, but has also had moments of pure joy! We have shared many adventures together and I hope there are many more to come, but there are times it seems to me that I can not get past the part that truly wants to marry this man and share all of my life and family with him. More often than not I am very torn by this subject....Any advice would be greatly appreciated and yes he knows I want to get married.....
Alright so June marked three years that Ethin has been gone. Hard to imagine three years went by so fast yet so slowly! I still miss him very much and have a hard days, but my life has truly gone on. My J Triplets and I still speak his name often. For Phil it is a hard thing for him to comprehend, but he tries his best though his words are usually not good. He has slowly learned to say nothing and just wrap me in his arms and listen. Hard to believe where my life is and all because of Ethin's life.....
Ethin's life has taught me great lessons. I have for one learned that the only healing I will ever get does come from my Heavenly Father. He has cried so much for me and with me. I am His child and He has loved me through this. I also have learned that no matter how long a life is they all hold a deep purpose in His plan. I have come to the conclusion also that my purpose no matter how big or small will take a long time to fulfill. While I am a bereaved mother I still find that I never know what to say to other bereaved parents which breaks my heart. To comprehend the fullness of losing Ethin is still something I deal with. It has never gotten easier, but the heart stabbing pain has lessened with time; though I am not saying it does not still hurt, because it does.
God has perfectly crafted my life. He has put everyone in it that I would need!! I am greatly looking forward to school starting, because that means women's Bible study starts too. We will be studying Esther with Beth Moore! God has greatly blessed my life and I am thankful to Him who is my Rock and Refuge!

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All Of Ethin

Click on this picture to read Ethin's life from CHD Warriror to Angel. This is our carepage his whole life is written here and was journaled. I encourage you to read about the boy who touched thousands in 5 1/2 months

Jessa

This is Jessa the oldest of the J Triplets. Everything I would ever learn as an everyday mother she taught me. She is 9 going on 19!!

Jonathin AKA "Little Man"

Jonathin is the only boy of the J Triplets and right in between the girls. He is my oldest son at 8 and truly a lover and a joy.

Jayde AKA "Tater Tot"

This is Jayde the baby of the J Triplets at 7. She is the informer of the household. She is the comic relief. Life with her is anything short of interesting!

Ethin's Letter of Hope

Click here to read Ethin's Letter of Hope

Cuddles From the Heart

I am the single mother of 4 kids. Three on this Earth and an Angel that God allowed me to watch for 5 1/2 months. I love my kids and they keep me going. Losing Ethin was and is the hardest thing in the world. Jessa, Jonathin, and Jayde (J Triplets) Keep me going. I am an involved mother with their sports and schooling. I have learned since 2009 that God is my only strength and I plan to follow His plans for my life.

Written For Ethin After He Passed Away and read at his funeral

Once upon a special day,In heaven up above,The tiniest souls sat at God's feet,Surrounded by his love.The time was coming...very soon,God said..."Do not be scared",Your family awaits your arrival,Now let us get prepared,And so... God looked upon these souls,In mute consideration,He knew the life each one would live,He weighed each situation,The souls chatted amongst themselves,And wondered who they'd be,They knew the day grew closer...soon,They'd meet their family."How would you like to change the world?God asked each soul in fun,"The chance to make a difference",Is held by only one.I'm going to make the world laugh,One soul said with a smile,For laughter heals a broken heart,And helps us through each trial,Then take with you the brightest smile,And share your laughter well,The soul thanked God immensly,And down to earth he fell."And I'll remind the world to sing,A sweet little soul told the Lord,I have the gift of a beautiful voice,I can hit every note...every chord.You'll have the gift of music then,A voice...lovely and strong,Share your gift with others,And let them hear your song.I will show compassion.,The next little soul raised her hand,Some people only need a friend,Someone to understand,Compassion is a good thing,In every time and season,To you... I will give mercy,As true love needs no reason.And so each soul...shared every thought,Their plans, their hopes, their dreams,As God explained that life...it is,Much harder than it seems.And as each soul began to leave,In a scurry of laughter and fun,Heaven became quiet... Left...was only one.Come sit with me my little child,God said with just a sigh...Do you know how many you will touch,In a world left wondering why?From the moment that your life begins,You... will know of strife,But you'll teach those who know you,To cherish the small things in life.And some may only know you,Through a simple photograph,They'll never hold you in their arms,Or memorize your laugh,Some may only know you,through the words they read each day,But you'll do something wonderful,You'll make them stop...to pray.The tiniest soul...raised his head up,To touch God's firm, strong hand,Father...I am ready for,The life...that you have planned.And I will do the best I can...Without a word or deed...For you Lord...are the planter,And I will be your seed.He could already hear many praying,And although they had not seen his face,They were praying for his safe arrival,They were asking for mercy and grace.Now go my little warror,With strength, and hope and might,Face your battles knowing,"You are precious in my sight".What talent do I leave with Lord?What gift do you impart?All that you will need God said,I've placed within your heart.And so God kissed this tiny child,Knowing all that he would be...And whispered as he watched him go,Go teach them...to see me.