Women's Rape Fantasies: How Common? What Do They Mean?

Some women have fantasies of being forced into sex. At first glance, rape fantasies make no sense. Why fantasize about something that in real life would be traumatic, repugnant, and life-threatening?

But on closer examination, such fantasies are not unusual. Many men daydream about getting the girl by rescuing her from a dangerous situation--without the slightest wish to confront armed thugs, or be trapped in a fire on the 23rd floor.

Fantasies allow us to "experience" the outer limits of our imaginations safely, with no risk--and for some people, that includes fantasies of coerced sex. In fantasy everything is permitted and nothing is wrong.

But rape fantasies raise thorny issues. Many women who have them can't shake the feeling that they are abnormal or perverted.

From 1973 through 2008, nine surveys of women's rape fantasies have been published. They show that about four in 10 women admit having them (31 to 57 percent) with a median frequency of about once a month. Actual prevalence of rape fantasies is probably higher because women may not feel comfortable admitting them.

For the latest report (Bivona, J. and J. Critelli. "The Nature of Women's Rape Fantasies: An Analysis of Prevalence, Frequency, and Contents," Journal of Sex Research (2009) 46:33), psychologists at North Texas University asked 355 college women: How often have you fantasized being overpowered/forced/raped by a man/woman to have oral/vaginal/anal sex against your will?

Sixty-two percent said they'd had at least one such fantasy. But responses varied depending on the terminology used. When asked about being "overpowered by a man," 52 percent said they'd had that fantasy, the situation most typically depicted in women's romance fiction. But when the term was "rape," only 32 percent said they'd had the fantasy. These findings are in the same ballpark as previous reports.

Frequency of rape fantasies varied substantially. Thirty-eight percent of respondents never had them. Of those who did, 25 percent reported such fantasies less than once a year. Thirteen percent had them a few times a year, 11 percent once a month, 8 percent once a week, and 5 percent several times a week. (Twenty-one percent of the respondents said they'd been sexually assaulted in real life.)

Rape fantasies can be either erotic or aversive. In erotic fantasies, the woman thinks: "I'm being forced and I enjoy it." In aversive fantasies, she thinks: "I'm being forced and I hate it." Forty-five-percent of the women in the recent survey had fantasies that were entirely erotic. Nine percent were entirely aversive. And 46 percent were mixed.

Rape or near-rape fantasies are central to romance novels, one of the perennial best-selling categories in fiction. These books are often called "bodice-rippers" and have titles like Love's Sweet Savage Fury, which imply at least some degree of force. In them, a handsome cad becomes so overwhelmed by his attraction to the heroine that he loses all control and must have her, even if she refuses--which she does initially, but then eventually melts into submission, desire, and ultimately fulfillment.

Romance novels are often called "porn for women." Porn is all about sexual fantasies. In porn for men, the fantasy is sexual abundance--eager women who can't get enough and have no interest in a relationship. In porn for women as depicted in romance novels, the fantasy is to be desired so much that the man loses all control, though he never actually hurts the woman, and in the end, marries her.

What do rape fantasies mean? In my opinion, they are no different from any other fantasies. They are neither wrong nor perverted. They imply nothing about one's mental health or real-life sexual inclinations. They just happen, to somewhere around half of women. If you have such fantasies and feel bad about them, I can't tell you how to feel. But I can assure you that you are not alone. Rape or near-rape fantasies are surprisingly common. What do you think?

Interesting until the end when you say that these fantasies "just happen," as if they fall at random, like raindrops, on some but not others. It seems to me that fantasies always say something about how we feel and think, even though they may not mean what they seem on the surface. Time to look deeper.

I did not mean to sound crass when I said that fantasies of coerced sex "just happen." To me, sexual fantasies are very similar to the random thoughts that enter the mind during meditation. Meditation teachers advise observing these random thoughts, not judging them, and not judging yourself for having them. They just happen. When they do, meditation teachers advise gently refocusing on your mantra and the random thoughts dissipate. Maybe thoughts of coerced sex mean something deeper. If so, what do you think they mean? But the surveys show that on the order of 40 percent of women have had these fantasies. That's a considerable proportion of the female population, perhaps enough to consider these fantasies "normal," even though they're disturbing.

Random fantasies seem the province of a fertile mind -- a "play-acted" rape fantasy probably just evidences a yearning to lose control. I would not be surprised if many men experience similar fantasies -- concerning the loss of control.

Isn't the "loss of control" the entire premise behind "bodice ripper" fiction -- a large mainstay of mass market paperback publishing? I don't know why the existence of rape fantasies would surprise anyone.

I started having rape fantasies as a teenager and now, about 15 years later, it is still the core of most of my sexual fantasies. I think perhaps they started because at the time, I felt that it was morally wrong for me to fantasize about willingly having sex, I was a kid, I wasn't married, etc. So, if I fantasized about rape, then it wasn't consensual, fantasy me was not doing anything "wrong." I think it was feelings of shame along with sexual curiosity that started it for me, and now that is what gets me off. I need that feeling that the man is overwhelmed by lust or somehow compelled to do it, that I am an unwilling participant, but that it is intensely pleasurable nonetheless. I need a bit of the dominant/submissive to act it out, but, like you have mentioned in some of your articles, pain is a big turn off. I would not want to be really raped, that would be terrifying, and yet it is an integral part of my fantasy life.

I think you said it all right there. I don't really want to be raped, but playing I am gets me off. It's that growing up thinking that willing sex is forbidden so maybe the only way is to get forced into it.

Mine started much younger, though. I used to tie up and gag my barbie dolls rather than play house with them. I lied to my mother when she'd find them and say that they were being rescued by ken in kidnap scenarios but really, I just thought they looked prettier with a gag on.

I like the whole idea of when a female gives me her consent to role play,like that.I have more fantasies,though about a female,romantic aggressor,who truly cares for me taking complete control over my body in a sexually erotic way.Like a vampire and her object of desire.

I think that's probably the heart of 95% of all "rape fantasies" of women. It was the same for me. Growing up Catholic, the only way I could "day dream" about sex without feeling guilty was to imagine some scenario in which I didn't have a choice. So if I wasn't fantasizing about semi-rape (i.e. the Brad Pitt who just won't take "no" for an answer), then I was fantasizing about an apocalypse in which only myself and my would-be sexual partner had to repopulate the Earth.

I think the words 'rape fantasy' are pretty thorny; given the tendency for them to be used for titillation at best/ to justify sexual violence at worst kind of wish they would be struck from the record of legitimate/credible psychological discussion. I haven't read too many bodice rippers lately but think the idea of conventional romance novels (not porn, torture, sado-porn or whatever) is more that the woman desires something she (for various social/moral reasons) really shouldn't be participating in and eventually succumbs in a way that is consensual but absolves her of the social/personal responsibility that could lead to consequences or punishment. (Being considered immoral in Western countries, possibly stoned to death in less progressive places!) I guess I'm not sure I believe in rape fantasies as such (or at least think the risk of legitimating violence by using such language isn't worth it) but I'm old and square and didn't even read Fifty Shades. Clearly there is something going on with the vampire generation! I suspect though, as people are saying, it's more to do with catching a break from the super ego than having an actual rape fantasy.

It is interesting how many different ways & reasons females fantasize about rape.As a male I fantasize about bein a young boy & being swept away,controled,ravaged by an all powerful adult female.A succubus,maybe.In my fantasies,I'm seduced & taken by her in a taboo lovers frenzy.I feel desired,wanted & my young male sexuality nurtured,by her.I guess it's a universal fantasy.The fantasy of being ULTINATELY desired by an uncomprisingly powerful member of the opposite sex.To my pubic fantasy,she's the "ALICIA KEYES" who thinks NO meane YES.

It is interesting how many different ways & reasons females fantasize about rape.As a male I fantasize about bein a young boy & being swept away,controled,ravaged by an all powerful adult female.A succubus,maybe.In my fantasies,I'm seduced & taken by her in a taboo lovers frenzy.I feel desired,wanted & my young male sexuality nurtured,by her.I guess it's a universal fantasy.The fantasy of being ULTINATELY desired by an uncomprisingly powerful member of the opposite sex.To my pubic fantasy,she's the "ALICIA KEYES" who thinks NO meane YES.

I think there are probably many different reasons why women have rape fantasies, and I'd thought of some but not being religious or having been raised to think of sex (both the act and the thoughts) as something I should be ashamed of I had never thought of this one. I think its plausible though.
I've always had another theory. I thought that the reason was probably the want/need of being desired in such a (exaggerated) way that someone just couldn't help taking you either you wanted it or not. I remember even when I was very young and still playing with Barbies, my Barbie would often marry Ken after he raped or near-raped her. They would talk, maybe she would slap him for being a brute and then they would solve the issue and ultimately get married.
In this case, I see the fantasy as something natural, primitive, we want men (or women - I don't know how prevalent this is with lesbians) to want us, as much as possible. This would explain why so many women have this kind of fantasies. And what if feelings of rejection during childhood and early puberty were to play a part in this? Think how many women have felt ugly, rejected, isolated, etc. in at least one of this periods. It could increase the need to be wanted even more. It would still explain the prevalence, but also why some women have more intense (ie need to feel wanted even more intensely) fantasies than others.
Just more thoughts for the pool ;)

I know I am finding this years after it has been posted but it is so nice to know I am not the only one like this! I have been a closet submissive since I was pre-teen and mostly because of moral reasons and what was expected of me in real life. Even happily married with two children, I still struggle with the need for a Dominant and have vivid dreams constantly about it.

I understand what you say here, but I also think that "they just happen" isn't enough an explanation about WHY they actually happen. To me it would be of interest to understand WHY women have rape fantasies and WHY men have fantasies about unconditional sex. I long to understand the human mind and an explanation like "It just happens" doesn't really easy my longing for understanding :) But this is just what I hoped to get from the article. I understand what you wanted to do there and I also can appreciate that.

...you have rape fantasies. Some people fantasize about control, other about surrender, and many others don't fantasize about sex and power at all. It's an individual thing.

What's most important is that you draw a clear distinction between fantasies of controlling women and actually doing that. Actual rape is reprehensible, but in fantasy, all is permitted and nothing is wrong.

I've been having those fantasies since early childhood. As early as age 7, although, of course, I didn't know anything about sex at that age. As a teenager, I started dreaming about men who really wanted me and who took me by force. It's so odd. I really feel like a creep at times. Otherwise, I'm just an average person.

I answered the sex questions for the Playboy Advisor from 1991 through 1995. I did my best to inform men of current sex research, and to advise them that porn-style, non-sensual, all genital, wham-bam sex turns women off and raises men's risk of sex problems. I'm proud that academic researchers have judged Advisor answers to be authoritative and sensitive to women's erotic and emotional needs. I believe it was Jesus who said: To fight sin, go to the sinners. If you believe that Playboy readers are hopeless mysogenists, who better to advise that men should be more sensitive to women?

Sorry, but Playboy is hardly a valid sex educator, despite pitiful, profit-driven attempts at it. And, a person who wrote for Playboy who then can exhort Jesus and Christianity, well...that's just too perverse.

You are *SO RIGHT*! And Playboy made rapes incest and sexual murders and sexual harassment of women in the work place, of women and litle children into jokes and normalized in thousands of cartoons,articles and some pictures of sexual violence against women and children too! Below is a link to psychiatrist Dr.Linnea Smith's excellent site with *tons* of great research studies on harms of pornography!

And these "rape" fantasies if they do exist,come from the extreme unjust socila conditioning of women from the moment they are born in a sexist,sick woman-hating, gender stereotyped,gender divided pornographic society that sexualizes and normalizes men's dominance of women,and women's submission and subordination to men,and men as sadists and women as masochists which pornography is a big teacher,normalizer and sexualizer of!

I meant that Playboy promoted gang rapes of women and children,incest,and sexual murders of women and children as normal and harmless for over 30 years! Below is psychiatrist Linnea Smith's excellent site with tons of great powerful research studies on harms of pornography.

PLAYBOY
Feb 18, 1998 ... ANOTHER LOOK AT CENTERFOLDS ... We All Need to Take A Closer Look ... on getting this brochure with Acrobat go to Linnea Smith's Homepage. ...www.talkintrash.com/playboy/ -

Letter to advertiser and response to Playboy publisher
Complete version of a letter Linnea Smith wrote to advertisers in ... One method is their centerfold layout, which juxtaposes explicit nude ... or even that sexuality is linked with power over another, .... I look forward to being able to understand and share your view with Seagram's and other corporate sponsors. ...www.talkintrash.com/playboy/Seagrams.html

Show more results from www.talkintrash.comThe Anti-Pornography Activist- We MUST FIGHT AGAINST PORN ...
Linnea Smith's Web Page against Pornography and Exploitation of Women and Children This very articulate and knowledgeable doctor has one of the best ... Bunnies Revisited - Another Look at centerfolds (This is against playboy and the ...www.cybersexban.com/domains/net/antiporno/ -

i was played by a psychopath and while at the time i was clueless i was talked into things that will forever be damaging. to begin he got me to watch porn and at first it was okay didn't do much for me but i always wanted to make him happy so i engaged. he was also the only man in my entire 40+ years who i was able to trust enough to relax my mind and trusted his actions were sincere and out of love so i allowed myself to enjoy it and orgasm. all of the other lovers i had, while i love intimacy and i am no prude, i never could mentally get myself to orgasms.

that trust was totally betrayed and he used it to take advantage of my willingness to make him happy with the porn thing and even talked me into letting another women join in hesitantly and only a couple of times but it was all harmful and twisted into making me the porn freak with his smear campaign and lies. this was my husband and the love of my life and everything i loved, the loyalty, protective nature, patience and determination with my sex issues, similar background, etc.... was a part of his con and a lie. apparently he was with many other women prostitutes even men in swinger situations and i was the ongoing joke. i still do not know the half of it but what i did finally learn and first handed as the people he hung out with felt so bad about what he was doing and saying confided in me and warned me to run.

now my issues around sex and orgasms are so much worse. the porn i feel did cross a mental line in my head and contributed to my shameful thought process. i do not judge i simply speak from experience when i say had i never agreed to expose myself to deviant sexual videos and experiences perhaps the damage wouldn't be s bad? i am not sure as i have always had troubles in my mind accepting that it is okay to allow myself to feel good my issues are much worse than ever before. being a female it is all mental for me so the videos didn't do that much as i would close my eyes after about 5 minutes but the images in my head have gotten more gross and need to be that way for me to have any luck orgasming alone. forget men i haven't even tried that yet.

i am a person that wants to be like others and experience enjoyment without having to think of degrading "against my will" type of thinking. is there anyway to overcome my head and learn to allow my body to respond based on the moment rather than some sick fantasy?

it is all fantasy and i told my ex the real thing wasn't what i wanted as it was hard enough with him so why add to the complications of another and since he was successful in bringing me to orgasm why would i want anyone else to join in? but now i cannot even do it alone without hours of effort a lot of batteries and shameful dirty thoughts even porn. can anyone help or relate?

I can sympathize with someone being deceived, but am less so over all this "he made me do this, that and the other" - and the way you're clearly seeking to be seen as a wronged victim, which seems to be common with women. To be sure, boundaries can be a tricky subject. Is it bad if someone convinces you to try something you probably wouldn't have sought out on your own but then are later glad you did?

If you found porn to be unappealing, who was stopping you from telling him "no, I don't want to watch it any more." If you keep running into situations where this guy wants you to do things you find unappealing, seems you need to assess whether it's a relationship you should be in.

I'm always incredulous about women who claim they were totally blindsided by someone's infidelity. He was off with hookers and swinger parties and you somehow had no idea anything was going on. Hmmm.

i always wanted to make him happy so i engaged

So you put his "happiness" above your personal level of comfort? Here's a thought, you're BOTH supposed to be enjoying the relationship. Sounds to me that what made him "happy" was causing you discomfort, exploiting what sounds like weak-willedness on your part.

You say you're not a prude and love intimacy, but this seems to contradict other things you say. It sounds like you haven't had a lot of true intimacy with someone you've really connected with. You haven't truly connected if that connection is all based on a lie. Off the cuff, seems what it would take to really connect with someone would be to have a more solid grasp of what it is you want and be more demanding in your standards. Who says you're not entitled to an accounting of where they've been if you feel some doubt. An innocent man has nothing to hide and I would think would be understanding, and perhaps a bit flattered that you care enough to be jealous if you don't get crazy and "Fatal Attraction" about it. Or if you prefer, keep letting lying bastards use you if that's what you enjoy.

Being married for over 25 years I can tell you that I went through some of the same type of situations with my wife in our earlier years. We were sexually active but she never achieved an orgasm and I tried several things to try to get her to an orgasmic state. I tried porn movies and at first she attempted to watch them with me, but later confessed that watching someone else have sex didn't turn her on. If anything it had an opposite effect and that's not what I was expecting, so we have never watched them again. I have always felt that the act of making love is not a one sided affair. At least for me it is more important for my wife to enjoy our sexual encounter than it is for me. It has taken several years to figure out what is pleasing to her, because she will not tell me what is working for her or not. I don't know about most women, but giving a guy some feedback on what feels good or what doesn't feel good, would help men be better at pleasing their partner. I know it takes some time for some women to trust their partner enough to open up and tell them what they want. Don't be afraid to tell them what you don't like either. If you have a fantasy, share it with a trusting partner and hopefully they will be willing to bring it to you. Learning to relax and trust your partner will help bring you to orgasm, knowing they are enjoying you and the pleasure they are giving you encourages them to keep trying to please you more. I hope this helps ;)

Some people enjoy being controlled, some enjoy controlling, some both. The world is full of different types of selfish people. That may or may not be the partial fault of the media but that has nothing to do with "men's dominance" and the oppression of women. The worst thing to be in the world right now is a poor white male. The college recruiters are banging on the door as we speak! Now pipe down and drink your juice you neo-feminist nincompoops.

You white males have no idea what suffering and oppression and real problems are. Apparently, as soon as every last thing isn't handed to you and you aren't given preferential treatment as much as you used to be, it's "The worst thing in the world!" I am amused.

Western men have a much better idea of what it's like to be discriminated against.
The only form of real discrimination women still face is having a harder time becoming CEO of an international company.

Women are ahead of men when it comes to legal rights, education, health, marriage, divorce, legal penalties for crimes, parenthood and money.

Women are allowed to say no and mean it. THEY'RE PEOPLE NOT OBJECTS. How stupid are you? women don't owe you anything and are not obligated to give your stupid horny ass pleasure. educate yourself. people that think like you are the reason rape happens mostly to women; you think that even if a woman says no and doesn't give you consent that you're still allowed to fuck her?! grow up you misogynist.

I totally agree. It's very sad that fascist feminism has even sunk its claws into legitimate scientific matters.

There was a case recently of a radical feminist who made up rape threats agaisnt herself; ever since then it's occured to me that a lot of these types who try to close down adult discussion are themselves tackling these ideas. Maybe their rape fantasies conflict with feminism in such a way that the only way they can rationalise their feelings is to shut down debate and blame porn/men/everything else for their problems.

Go tell that to our closest relatives the great apes. Why on earth do you think humans are any different? The biological difference in men and woman has made society the way it is and it is perfectly natural!

I've always wondered about the statement of women being exploited by Playboy, porn and strip clubs. But there's something often being overlooked: Do these women freely go to Playboy or the set of a porn film or to a strip club? Are they being forced to go there? I mean, is there a secret army of Playboy agents kidnapping women and forcing them to strip, pose or do pornographic movies?

Do these sign a long list of consent and release forms? Are these women all adults?

And one has to wonder: Who is exploiting the women who openly reveal themselves in the most graphic ways on the Internet with no financial reward from Playboy, a porn studio or a strip club?

Perhaps they're making poor choices. Maybe they should have paid attention in school and educated themselves better.Or chosen not to use their sexuality to be their identity.

Or maybe they just enjoy it. So please don't project your own misguided morality on to Playboy and porno films. Maybe it's a woman's choice, however poor it may be, to do what she wants to do. Stop blaming white men for everything.

Do you think it's possible that the male fantasy of ever willing and wanton, non-committal women and the female fantasy of the obsessively attracted, willful, overpowering man could be related?

Both fantasies are about something that men and women don't or cannot want in reality: Men don't normally want indiscriminating, "loose" women as partners, and women don't want to be assaulted by violent men.

So what is it that each of the fantasies offers? I think it is letting go of control and initiative, of "having to work for it". As a man, you often have to give chase, pursue, push, and the "eagerly available" woman is your fantasy. She openly and undisguisedly wants you, and you don't have to lift a finger.

As a woman, you often have to deny, to stall, to choose, to make sensible decisions, and if that burden is taken off you by "the man who won't take no for an answer", because he so openly and urgently wants you, you don't have to lift a finger...

Maybe both fantasies are the dark flipside of our sexual natures, and they are inherently connected?