Sunday, October 26, 2008

TWOlives

Sooo- I came home for a break from school & I am comfortable here. This is the place I know. I know the people, I know the streets, I know the restaurants, I know the gossip, I just know. I was never scared of leaving. I knew I could make it at Brockport. I just didn't realize that what I knew would change.I wanted to come back & know that someone missed me.I wanted to come back & find that they couldn't survive without me.I wanted everything to pause as I moved forward.But it didn't. I changed. They changed. Streets changed. Stores changed.It's not the same place. Yet, I still feel comfortable here.Comfortable, however, is no longer in the cards for me.Home feels like a dead end to me.Like the Bermuda triangle-as if I could get stuck there forever-I finally feel like I have moved on. Even if I wanted to pick up my old habits,& live my life here again, I wouldn't be able to. These weekends remind me exactly what life is suppose to be about... not what it use to be about. I could keep on living these two lives, talk one thing and walk another but I can't anymore. I raise the white flag and allow God's Kingdom to move in. .I. .f.i.n.a.l.l.y. s.u.r.r.e.n.d.e.r.