Fueled by Self-Love and Kale Chips!

30 Day Challenge Part 8, and Some Random Nonsense!

I’ve said it before: This never gets easier. But it certainly is rewarding! Lately, I have been dealing with myself on some major body-consciousness issues. Being that I was always big before, I was pretty familiar with what parts looked like what, and how to handle it. As the weight drops, I am learning that I have to dress the part (haha, funny pun!), so to speak.

I can wear slouchy tops without looking ten pounds heavier now, but I can’t fill out a dress like I used to. Half the styles I like to wear are now too large on the top if they fit on the bottom, and too small on the bottom if they fit on top.

Can a girl just buy a simple, yet killer empire-waist dress without having a panic attack in the fitting room, pretty please?!

And then, when Sean and I went to Disneyland, I realized something that kinda pissed me off: No matter how much weight you lose, how proud of yourself you become? People are just rude.

I’d like to send a pleasant shout-out to all those at Disneyland who were kind enough to STARE at me wearing my denim shorts all day at the park. From tourists, to Disney Cast Members. 1) My thighs aren’t nearly as large as they used to be. And though they may jiggle, you ought to thank your lucky stars that I wasn’t wearing daisy dukes, or those ridiculous shorts that are so short, you can see the pockets! 2) Although the common public may frown upon larger women wearing shorts…..I’m GROWN!

This is Disneyland, people. Why on earth are you so worried about what I’m wearing? Don’t you need to go get your fastpass for Space Mountain?!?! People would literally look me up and down, stare at my legs, and then say something discreetyl( so they thought) to someone in line with them. And then me, being the hot head I can be (Ask Alex about the lady in the Albertson’s parking lot who cut me off in her Lexus. :)), I would just loudly say, “Wow! If one more person comments on my legs, I might have to look into endorsements!” or “If one more person comments on my legs, I am going to LOSE IT!”

I have no shame. I do what I want, and that includes wearing shorts. And if you don’t like it? Kiss my butt. It doesn’t jiggle nearly as much as my thighs do. Thank you, 24 Hr Fitness! 🙂

I saw a photo on Tumblr recently that really struck a chord with me, and it was all I could think about with all these sad individuals judging me all day:

Sadly, this is the type of societal attitude that leads to all these young girls with eating disorders. Girls who hide their snacks under their beds, because they know people will just look at them with judgment and criticism when they eat them in public. Girls who can’t get past their small chests, or big butts. Girls who hate their thighs, think they would feel better if their hair was thicker….it all stems from a lack of body acceptance. And I can’t change the world, and the way that the people in it think. But I can certainly change the way I think about my body and myself. I love myself. And I love that I have wide hips, and big thighs. I can get over going from a DD to a C. I will wear shorts, and I will always dress in a way that makes me happy, and makes me feel good.

If they don’t like it….cool. If I can’t change it…fine. But I’m not letting it run my life, or ruin my day. And who knows? Maybe changing my own outlook will end up changing even just a miniscule percentage of the world.

Anyways, on to the good stuff (aka, me in my underwear. Bow chicka wow wow)!

January 2012

That was in January. And then….there was April!

Today, front shot! BAM!

And the side shot!!

And so, my friends…that is that. As I said…I can only be. I can’t be you. I can’t make you realize how significant these changes are, or understand why I would bother to wear shorts in the first place.

But I can certainly look at where I came from, look at where I plan to go, and pat myself on the back for making it this far.

I'll do just that!

OH! and before I let you go! Remember my fabulous experience at The Boudoir Divas that I was raving about? They just recently posted a YouTube video with testimonials about the Hair and Makeup experience with my lovely new friend Peggy (seriously, I feel like she is my friend after our hour together!), and you can catch yours truly towards the end! Check it out here!

Love you all, and hope you have an AMAZING week! I’ll be posting again later this week, with some of my favorite picks for summer: swimsuits, cosmetics, skincare…I go nuts for this stuff!

If you’ll excuse me, I am off to Sprouts for dinner fixins’ and then the gym for a run and Zumba later this evening.

Please don’t forget to check out Relay for Life. I’ll be walking for TWENTY-FOUR hours this weekend, and I have a new fundraising goal to meet! Go to RelayforLife.org and search “Sondra Holtz” and donate to my team! Help us raise even more for the American Cancer Society! And, a HUGE shout out to all of the amazing people in my life who have already made huge contributions. Love you guys!

Hey Sondra, I fell upon your blog a few weeks ago and I’ve read everything. I am 23 and am preparing to get the sleeve this summer. It’s really nice to see someone my age around my size who has been successful. Thanks for chronicling your journey. I’ve learned a lot.

First, I am so EXCITED for you! It will definitely change your life for the better. Please don’t be shy, and keep me posted on your entire journey. Second, thank you so much! You are the very reason I stay dedicated to this blog! 🙂

Keep up the good work! I completely understand how rude people can be. I had bad acne and have a lot of scars from it. You wouldn’t believe how many people just openly glare at me whether I’m in the store or just on a walk. I can’t stand it. Anyway, you look great 🙂

Reblogged this on Does My Bum Look Big In This? and commented:
Sondra had weight loss surgery at 23 years old last year, and although I’ve been following her blog for months and months I haven’t been reading lately. To be frank, I haven’t been reading because although I am happy for people losing weight, I have been too wrapped up in my own problems.
Lately this has changed and I found this gem about body image.
Emma
🙂

I’m so sorry you had to see the worst in people. You are the better person. And you have come a long way – I read sporadically and was reminded of your blog by Emma reblogging this post – every time I read you blow my mind AND make me smile. Thank you 🙂 xx

Reblogged this on faithandmeow and commented:
I will never understand why society can be so cruel and judgemental. It’s none of their business what our bodies look like, what we wear, etc. Society is a huge part of the problems causing bad body image, low self esteem, triggering eating disorders..Sondra has a message we all need to hear and take on board.

I got here through Fiona’s blog and I just wanted to say that, and even though this is not even close to as easy as it sounds, you should try and no longer pay attention to this. Because the stares will always be there, and so will rude comments. Because people have a nasty habbit to ALWAYS find something to comment on! I managed to let go (except for ‘dem days, you know… ‘dem days when you can’t let anyone or anything simply not get to you). I first chóse to no longer see it, and then I actually no longer saw it!! And if you do notice; just make sure you comment back. You don’t even have to be nasty, but just make sure you let them know you heard it. ‘Noted, thanks. Have a lovely day yourself too!’. Maybe next time they’ll think twice.

Plus, if they’re gonna stare; give em something to stare at. Wear your fav denimshorts and make sure you ROCK THEM. Wear the greenest of green jackets, with hotpink boots and a yellow scarf when you feel like it. Just because you CAN, damnit. Because hey; LOOK AT YOU!

For the record, I wore the CUTEST tribal print skirt to the movies the other day, and some woman in the restroom stared at me, and I just pointed down and said “Thiiiiighs,” really slowly, to make sure she understood what they were, and that YES, they were exposed. Lol.

I never cared much what others thought of me or my style….I just have low tolerance for bad manners in general. Lol. 🙂

Lol, I said thighs to HER! I can’t stand people who stare. I’d rather people just say it, so we can move on with our lives. She looked at me like a deer in headlights and ran out of the restroom! Hilarious!

You absolutely seem like a vibrant, nice girl; but I truly believe that your criticism of the Disney cast members is simply insecurity on your behalf. Did you post these almost naked photographs of yourself to make yourself feel better for what you interpreted as hasty looks at your denim shorts? I assure you that when you feel better about your body, you will have a different opinion of this post and of the cast members’ reported reactions.

* This comment is not intended to be delivered with haste, but it is to be delivered with my reaction of disgust albeit understanding because, I, too, was self conscious when I weighed more than I desired. I am disgusted to see that others are experiencing those hateful thoughts that I once experienced. I am looking forward to reading more of your stuff. Thanks for an honest, (or what may seem honest to you at this time), post.

Firstly, thanks so much for checking out the blog. I truly appreciate it!

Second, let me just clarify that the point of the 30 Day Challenge is that every thirty days, I post new “almost naked” photos of myself as a means of holding myself accountable for reaching the goals I have set for myself. As it happens, you came across the eighth installment of the series….but the first series explains that I do it moreso to inspire others, the way I was inspired by someone who did something similar.

To say that my view of the Disney cast members is insecurity struck me as odd, particularly because I feel that I referred more to the actual Disney patrons in that post, versus the staff. I should also take the opportunity to point out that as far as Disney cast members are concerned, I frequently comment on them, as it seems the older I get, the grumpier they become. And that is whether I am wearing shorts or not.

Unfortunately, as flattering as it is for others to re-blog my writing, I think that your experience reading it is proof that one post does not do a writer justice. People have stared and made rude comments my entire life…and I didn’t expect things to change just because I dropped over 100 lbs. However, dropping 100 lbs and loving my body prompted me to go ahead, make the plunge, and wear the darn shorts! It is what it is, you know?

I’m sorry that you interpreted it that way. And I appreciate you giving me some insight into how people might perceive me.

Well this response is certainly a breath of fresh air!!! What a gorgeous reply to my debbie downer comment! It’s very nice to meet you, and I SHALL be reading more. Congratulations on just earning a subscription by a very skeptical reader. 😉

You actually inspired me to take a bathing suit shot for the first time ever! Also, your thigh and boob transformation are RIDICULOUS. I know it’s sad to go down a cup size (I just went DD to D) but I actually look thinner that way and not as much like i might fall forward because they’re weighing me down haha. Keep it up, the pictures are great!