It's a question that plagues most veterans when they finally return home. Whether they are on leave for a few weeks to re-charge before heading back to their respective bases, or when finally transitioning back to the civilian sector to re-join the "normal" parts of the world; it seems to be a question that creeps up sooner or later, and it's awkward and inappropriate almost every time.

"This is War{Clean}" By Smile Empty Soul

Over the years, I have talked with several of my friends about this, both military and otherwise, but this past week I had the opportunity to talk to one of the social workers at the Veterans Affairs clinic in my city. Her job, primarily, is to give a mental health consultation to see how veterans are holding up soon or years after they come back home. (Almost all the medical care is free or largely discounted, especially for those of us who have served in a combat zone, but I suggest any of you that have served, look into it) She told me that she does a lot of therapy for veterans that suffer from some form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder(P.T.S.D.) or other issues that followed them back home post military. Both my military friends, and the social worker told me the same thing, only the social worker put it in these terms, "Everyone's glad your back, that you're safe. But there is this burning interest that your friends have, to ask you the most personal question about your time over there. They usually don't mean any harm by it, but don't understand the weight of the question either, or if they could even handle your answer."

Is it really all that disrespectful or inappropriate to ask a buddy or loved one about what happened over seas? The short answer is, yes.

The long answer, is that it's easy to forget the gravity of the several decisions that are put upon the men and women of our armed forces. They absolutely volunteer to join, which people love to highlight and then throw around when an unfortunate incident happens abroad or stateside, and one of our Vets is in trouble and asks for help. But what most people don't understand, is that during boot camp, combat training, and whatever deployment training they send us through, we are taught a different code of ethics, emotional processing strategy, alertness and survival skill set.

The best thing about going to Iraq is that we are surrounded by fully trained and armed people. Each of us, outside of civilian contractors, have gone through the same type of training, some more advance than others, but we are there for the same reason; to make a difference (and because your order's tell you, you have to go). In a war zone, you are required to do things that can't be undone, to see thing's that can't be unseen, and experience the things that become a part of who you are every day after that. It is those last few things that are the reason it's so awful to make that not only your first question, but a question at any point to a friend/brother/loved one of yours that's returning home. They did what they had to do, and aside from the small percentage of veterans that are writing/publishing books about their time over seas, the majority of them don't want to relieve those memories, ever. For every person I have spoken too about this, it's never "yes" and then you move on to talk about the game, or movies. It's "yes", then the conversation continues, while you fade back into the memory of different situations that took place that made your answer a yes.

Iraq, 2006

Any time I've been asked that stupid question by someone who was no where near close enough to me to ask it, I politely responded, "We did our job over there". It's a response that usually lands on disappointed ears, because they wanted the "Rambo" answer, or the "Call of Duty" answer. The social worker I mentioned earlier tells people to say, "I was in the military, and we were at war". Whatever conclusions you decide to draw from that are yours to do with however you'd like. But if you really care about that person, you'll let them come to you with something that personal and sensitive when they are ready to talk about it, as opposed to trying to pry it out of them just because it peaks your interest.

We all handle that question differently:

Last winter, my truck had broken down(The tension-er broke and snapped the serpentine belt off, screwing the engine up) and I had to call a tow truck. The guy came, loaded my truck up, and we drove the 30 minutes to a parking lot close to my home. During that ride, I discovered that the driver was in the Army, I have him a quick jab about that acronym meaning "Aren't Ready t-be Marines Yet" and we jumped into a conversation about our experiences, deployments, parties, and both of our tours in Iraq. He had been there a few years before I had, and he asked me before I even brought it up. "Did any of your friends ask you if you killed anyone?" He told me that for him, it happened a few times, and when it was his little brother, or sister he was alright with it, because they knew their big bro went through something serious, something they didn't quite understand, and wanted to understand why their brother jumped every time a car backfired, or got anxious when they were in large crowds of people. But one night at dinner when he was meeting his sisters boyfriend for the first time, and after a few beers, dropped the question out of nowhere. The tow truck driver said he wasn't even sure how it happened, he just hauled off and started hitting his sisters boyfriend. "It was like he asked me if I'd ever been molested. Or whispered in my ear that he wanted to rape my sister. It was so harsh and unexpected I didn't know how to handle it".

Even though that truck ride with him was so long ago, I'll never forget the harsh reality of that. To him, it felt like someone, just to appease their curiosity, slithered in and asked to reveal one of the most trying points in his life, on the first day he had met him. Do I think he over-reacted in beating the guy senseless? Well, yeah. It's easy to forget that sometimes, drunk people are really stupid, and once alcohol starts to drop that censor, people say stupid stuff all the time. Ever get/send a drunk text you regret? But alcohol or not, that guy was in the wrong for asking the tow truck driver something that personal.

The Few, The Proud, The Most gangster(and slightly less humble) of them all

On the other hand, however, the senior district manager of the company I work for is, an Army Reservist. He's made three or four deployments to Iraq/Afghanistan depending on what his unit needed at the time. After his most recent deployment, he took 30 days leave to get back into the world and settle some personal affairs, then joined us at Bob Evans for a district meeting for all of the managers. During that meeting, he stood up and shared a little about his time in Afghanistan, stating that in 2012, as more and more American Marines, Soldiers, Sailors and Airmen come home, the country becomes more and more unstable and he said "It's really falling apart over there. We did what we needed to do, and it's not an easy job to perform adequately. After the meeting, if there's anything more specific you'd like to ask me, I'll answer you as best I can, but please respect the things I choose to skip." I honestly think that was one of the best ways I've seen someone handle that situation.

Of course a lot of people have questions, it's natural. War is something we used to read about in history class. Be it WWI, or one of the battles closer to home at Put-in Bay, or the Alamo. But always as a historical account for a time long ago. It is only in the past 12 years that War has become current, has become something that was being written day after day. It's alright to have those questions and curiosities, but it's all in how you approach the situation that makes the difference.

I think the main reason this has been on my mind so much these last few days, is because a lot of our Marines/Soldiers/Sailors/Airmen are coming home. There are a few campaign's going on right now like "Show your Stripes" or "Vets hiring Vets", that are all encompassed in the ideal to make sure those who served, have a job to go to when they get back home. You may not know who they are, or they might be very open about their veteran status. Just know that while they might swear a little more, get frustrated when people slack off at work, have an overwhelming urge to help you out, or to make sure you get to your car safely, remember that they went through a lot more than anyone can be trained to handle, for you.

The least you could do, is respect the fact it takes some time to decompress from the military life style into this easy going one. It's easy to throw a "Support our Troops" magnet on the car, but with all of these veterans coming home now, as well as the ones that have been here for a while, it's time to put your magnet where your mouth is, and actually support them. We both know that they'd already done it for you, and would gladly do so again.

So, I'm going to take a break from my Nightwing series because of this growing fury I have within my soul.

Iraq, 2006...Fashion show. Shut up, we did this for the ladddiieesss

When I first read that they wanted to cut the G.I. bill, I didn't think I read that right. Ironically, I was in the Main hall of Kent State University (Stark campus), studying for a Psychology exam I had. When ever I cram, I find it's easy to go in bursts to shred through tons of info, then take a quick "Brain breather" on some senseless crap so My brain has a chance to digest everything I read, before going back over it, then pushing forward.

During this break, I came across the article in question, "Why your G.I. benefits are in danger". It outlined that due to since our government sucks balls at managing their money, they look for other places to make up for it. And now, they're going after the Veterans.

Work hard, play harder

I remember everything I had to do in Iraq, that I volunteered for, because I wanted to make a difference. 9/11 happened, and I wanted to do what I could to help combat that. I remember talking to one of the Older Marines about how awesome it was that we were getting so much support from our government and families, and he just gave me this strange look, then said, "Yeah, son, Just wait until the war ends and they forget all about us".

I thought about that for weeks, then eventually forgot because I figured there was no way we'd be left out in the cold, and then lo and behold, They're cutting it down. The same people that wanted to send us to a Combat zone, are the same people that decided we aren't worth the money it takes to get our education.

Obstacle course training...and man love^

Sure, some people abuse the system and try to get money out of it, but you're going to sit there and tell me that doesn't happen in the civilian sector? How much is racked up in student loans by the average person, then that person drops out of school never to finish it. All I'm saying is you can have accountability without screwing over everyone. The two main things they want to change, is "Break Pay" where vets get money during their summer and spring breaks, and they want to put a cap on how much money that get a year to go to school.

The first one I can sort of understand. You're paying them to go to school, so when they're on break, why shouldn't they go back to work? Well I don't know, but If I had the option, I would totally just go to school full time, and NOT work. But I can't afford to. So instead, I go to work and I go to school, both full time. I put in around 60 hours a week in work alone, and since I'm a night shift manager, My phone is always on should someone call off or need something during the day(When I would be sleeping, except I'm going to school).

Friendsgiving, because sometimes your family is who's with you

Then I go to school Monday through Thursday, taking 12 semester hours. You're(supposed) to at least study 2 hours out of class for every one hour in class, so if you do the math, how much time does that leave me for anything else? Since I'm using the Post 9/11 G.I. bill, I don't get that "Break Pay" benefit, but I can totally see how beneficial that can be to people and their families. For instance, here is a quote I found on one of several websites talking about this.

“I’m just thankful I’m married to a Marine,” said 26-year-old Marine Corps veteran Christopher Narvaez. “She’s also on the GI Bill. Without her, I would never be able to live out here. I would have to sell my car, move into a studio apartment or maybe in with roommates, because just $1,866 [a month] is not enough to pay for everything. Rent alone out here is about $1,400, which leaves about $400 left for food and then you’re broke: no internet, no cable, no car, no gas, nothing.”

$400 can do a lot, Don't get me wrong. But when you have a wife, kids, car payments, everything else that person said, You can't do anything else, You're strapped. You go to school, You go to work, and then you do homework and sleep in between. Which isn't life, that is simply the pursuit of happiness without ever obtaining it. You're not living, you're functioning and surviving. Iraq and Afghanistan wasn't the best place I'd ever been, but I did it, I sucked it up, and I claimed zero disability because I didn't want to feel like a leech. But what I do demand, is that the Government aid I Earned while serving, gets left alone so I can utilize it. It's all I want, it's all I ask for.

First day home from Iraq, Surrounded by a biker gang of Vet's

One last quote, and then I'll close.

"After serving 14 months in Iraq, U.S. Army Sgt. Hayleigh Perez planned to use her GI Bill benefits to get a master’s degree and become a physician’s assistant. When she enlisted, the government was paying for any veteran who signed up after Sept. 11 to go to any public university in America.

When she got out, she got screwed. Twice. A change in the GI bill forced Perez to apply to in-state schools if she wanted free tuition, and then a university in her home state of North Carolina determined that she wasn’t a resident—because she’d spent two years with her active-duty husband Jose in Texas, where he was reassigned in 2009.

All I'm saying is, Don't tell people they're enlisting to do this great wonderful thing to support their country. Then, when the budget gets tight, you flip the script and decide to screw everyone that's been saving your sorry ass, over. It's not okay. It's not. And this isn't an opinion based blog, this is a series of facts. If you for some reason feel that it's okay to cut the funding for people that went to war for you, I wold LOVE to read what kind of b/s you write in the comments below.