There I was sitting all day to be seen for assessment, I am remember waiting for hours. It was open intake, meaning to everyone that had no insurance they would need to be seen by a doctor to receive a referral to receive mental health care. Finally my name was called and the psychiatrist started to ask questions but before I even finished responding she said " did your mom do drugs while pregnant, have you ever been diagnosed with AS or autism" I replied no mam why do you ask!! She replied with "you have a big head and small lips". Those words she said still come to mind ten years later. Tonight I thought while running how grateful I am to have the great people I do have. Created by God imperfect and flawed! I am great man, but all glory to God my skill set and weakness all given by him with purpose. Never stop believing there is no such thing as perfect it's a lie. Look at yourself as I am gonna do the same and say I AM ENOUGH!!!! God Bless!!!

I can only speak on the behalf of self, but being to confident in some areas of my life has only lead to stress and isolation. Something I been working on and just started realizing I am part of the problem, I have been asking my self why is there such a need to prove me ability and who am I really trying to prove it to. I've noticed I have been over compensating in one area of my life to make up for areas I am not as strong in and it has only lead me to getting burnt out and stressed. So I have had to ask my self am I enough and then understanding what makes me enough. Not been the easiest thing, when asking that question the first thing that comes to mind is all the wrongs and circumstances not all the greats things about self. Today i hug my self and love myself, for all my imperfections and know I am amazing person for my heart not my knowledge. Created by God imperfect with purpose and forgiven.

Walked in the door to the CedarCreek tonight for new communion and what a night it was! Grabbed some pike place and on I went, the energy was strong in the building i didn't feel alone one bit. Everyone there was looking so classy dressed so nice and there I stood and seen family's, husbands and wife's, kiddos, young adults and my elders,brought such an amazing feeling to my heart. Tom was in the tub baptizing and I clapped for a person and for the next one a little louder, ten minutes in my eyes were watering and I became so into the present moment. People from all facets of life coming to accept Christ and some unsure of what that even is, but all certain happiness is what is desired and Christ is the piece we need to connect to happiness. The band was so great!!!!! Tom I love you bro!!!

We all can see the light, but the question is how do we live in it! The darkness can be your fears and the branches are the circumstances and the light is your potential. All success starts with someone why not me, someone at some time was resilient enough to get up and change why not me.. Putting myself in a winning culture will be the key,

The key to happiness is being intentional and consistent! All sounds sosimple do a lot of what you love, so why is depression at record highs. What makes us happy, that we can do and display passion towards exercise, singing, writing, sports or photography. The lie we are tricked into believing what you have is who and what you are, that's bullshit... Happiness comes from nothing you can drive or wear, I have a nice car but everytime I see it in the drive there is not a overflow of dopamine being released. So the secret to being happy is simply find impeccable way to release dopamine and do it often. Running has became my tool to happiness not the nice car I drive or the clothes I wear.

I walked outta store ashamed to look at you so I avoided any eye contact, thought to myself damn life is passing she moved on and the only thing that changed for me was time. I dated one girl since and even she said I couldn't get over you, she would get so mad because as I sleep in her bed I would say your name out loud while sleeping. I always thought of you and even in the last year I would go for runs and my imagination have me with you. Nobody ever lasted cause I always compared everyone to stinker. 31 alone and this is something I New was coming but never thought it would actually your getting married and I am here on tears mad at myself for all I did wrong and everything I couldn't figure out how to do. For someone who never felt loved and has not felt it since you it's hard not to cry and hurt. I wonder will I ever get to feel it again . The last 24hrs has brought tears and frustration out towards myself. Time changes and either I change or get left behind, I will say this the way I feel now is how I felt in 2010 willing to wanna get better and grow more as a man and improve my quality of life. I love you and always will stinker

Seen an article discussing addiction choice or disease, that arguement will always be there but having that discussion leads us no where. What I do know is that if you study substance abuse and look at data you can find out something everyone has in common and know a doctor is not needed, Hurt people are hurt mentally. Substance takes away the hurt and acts as something that makes all the pain and insecurities go away, it makes the hurt feel normal,sports analogy I refrence that it makes us feel on a equal playing field. Addicts I don't wanna say that word for the fact when we speak we give something life and people are not addircta they are HURT PEOPLE. What I will tell you and the ACE study provides a lot of good data on this that substance abuse comes from childhood trauma sexually abused, substance abuse in the house, death of a parent, physical and mental abuse. You say no no that can't be because Jeremy came from a great family that were hard workers, had good jobs and always was there for Jeremy. But only the person from that family knows what happend behind close door, maybe there was sexual abuse by a cousin or uncle that was never seen. Victims of trauma harbor what they endured feeling shamed and worthless, substance abuse makes that go away for a short period. Trauma travels!!! Meaning it does not matter who you are or what neighborhood you grow up in. We need to take a proactive approach to prevent trauma, knowing this information i hope it makes us all better. God Bless!!!

Today we have picture of what a man is suppose to look depending on the culture he grew up in. Today I tell you that's ridiculous! Society paints a picture of an alpha male as being what your suppose to be. I will tell you being a great man has nothing to do with your knowledge on cars, ability to do home repairs, nothing to do with your income, physical appearance or the car you drive. Being a great man starts with being a service to the ones we come in contact with as dr. King Modeled. Some of the greatest men ever displayed love and the ability to love honestly. Jesus the greatest man to walk this earth gave us the blueprint of what a man should be and not by his abilities to perform miracles He taught us no matter how people treat us we still love, no matter what circumstances we face we still love and no matter who betrays us we forgive. Jesus had no college edgucation but he had the ability to Love!! Love life, love yourself, love the ones who hurt you and pray that everyone gets to enjoy happiness!!!!!!

Who we want is usually not the person we get, fear steps in and puts a false ceiling on your human worth. I say no not me, why me I am not good enough and look at my flaws, look at my weirdness and circumstances. Today I thought to my self i am imperfect person in a in perfect world so why do I insist on proving I am different. Realization set in i am not my circumstance, I am not my past. I am a child of God one that has air running threw his lungs that means I am human just like the people I am attracted to physically and mentally, why don't have a shot. Sure their will always be bigger incomes, better credit scores and nicer cars but that don't have nothing to do with my grind to wanna be a great man. Society says you got be this to get that or you need to be from here to be with them, The bible says we were all created equal I am riding with his word, not a capitalist society.

The greatest title anyone could ask for mom or dad, but yet one of the most unappreciated. Take a minute and think you created life a little version of you, what will you say better yet what will you model. Children most of the time not all are a direct reflection of the household they grew up in. Being a parent is being healthy, being a parent is creating a foundation to build from. I touch on my own struggles for data and I will tell you this, where your weak your child has a higher chance to be the same, have the exact same problems, relationships, financially, low self-esteem, anxiety, self-worth. You must ask your self would I want my child to have me thoughts and worries! Being a great parent is giving time very intentional time and no money, vacations and video games are not a substitute. Like I said everything you do your child absorbs like a sponge in The subconscious mind. If you have a new companion every couple months that will be processed as normal and okay. Pills on the weekends to be social or drink excessively, that will be seen as the okay. Being a great parent is allowing your child to struggle and knowing when to give a hand. All the times I was not told NO created unrealistic goals as an adult(perfectionism). So many programs designed to change your child's life none really work, but one that does is change your life be a model of hard work and healthiness your child will follow.