(Our store is having an Easter sale and has sent promotional emails to our customers, which contain ads and coupons. I’m ringing up a customer who has made a large purchase, most of which consists of gift cards, which are never discounted. When I tell her the total and how much she’s saved, she becomes upset.)

Customer: “I spent nearly $300! My discount should be much higher!”

(I double-check the totals to make sure I haven’t rung up anything incorrectly.)

Me: “Ma’am, I believe your savings are lower because most of what you spent

was on gift cards, and we don’t discount those.”

Customer: “But the email I was sent had a picture of an Easter basket with a gift card in it! I should get my discount on the gift cards too, since there was a gift card in the picture! That’s false advertising!”

(Despite my best efforts to explain, she asks to speak to my manager.)

Manager: “Ma’am, a gift card is literally an exchange of money, dollar for dollar. We don’t ever give discounts on gift cards, and as you can see, we don’t charge tax on them either. That doesn’t happen until you purchase something with the gift card.

Customer: “Oh… well, I guess I learned something today.”

Manager: “For future reference, the fine print here on your coupon also states that we can’t discount gift cards.”

Customer: “I could spend all day reading fine print if I wanted to. I have a Ph.D.! Nobody reads the fine print!”

Customer: “Why are all the cute ones always taken?” *takes bags and leaves the store*

(30 seconds later, a male coworker notices the customer’s receipt still in the register. He grabs it and runs out of the store to give it to the customer. My coworker walks back into the store a few minutes later.)

Me: “You know, that customer just tried to hook me up with his grandson.”

(It is 20 minutes after closing, and I am helping my coworker count the drawers. The phone rings, and typically, by protocol, we do not answer if it is the local area code. However, the area code for this number matches head office’s, so we decide to pick it up if they try calling again. Sure enough, the phone rings a second time with the same number. My coworker picks it up and relays the rest of the conversation to me afterward.)

Coworker: “[Bookstore], [City].”

Customer: “Hi, are you open?”

Coworker: “No, I’m afraid we closed a half hour ago.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, when are you open?”

Coworker: “10 am.”

Customer: “Okay… Can I ask you a question about a book?”

Coworker: “…10 am.”

(He hangs up.)

Coworker: “Next time, I’ll ask them to hold and then pick up the phone at 10 am tomorrow and say, ‘Okay, I can take your question now.’ That’ll show ’em.”

(I work in a remainder bookstore. We have a notorious customer who comes in few minutes before closing to browse books. She doesn’t buy them. She reserves her browses for months and pays for them even later.)

Customer: “Since you released my reservations, I want you to find my books again. I am buying them today.”

Supervisor: “Sure, why not. After all, we are only closing in two minutes.”

Customer: “Oh, two minutes? Then make it quick!”

Supervisor:*relentlessly fulfills her terrible demands, and getting angrier by the moment* “Would you kindly make your purchases now? We are way past closing time.”

Customer:*suddenly breathes heavily, tearing up and her arms were flailing* “YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME! WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME DECIDE NOW? I AM YOUR CUSTOMER!” *proceeded to run around the store*

Supervisor: “Miss, please! We will reserve your books and you can come tomorrow.”

Customer: “I can’t come tomorrow! I am very busy! I have a meeting tomorrow and I have to cook for the kids!”

Supervisor: “You can come after your working hours.”

Customer: “No! You can’t make me decide! Don’t do this to me! You can’t make me decide!”

(We close at 3 pm on Saturdays. There’s a small supermarket next door. It’s Saturday, 2:55 pm. A customer walks in.)

Customer: “Hello, I need some help. A friend invited me over to her house, and she has a small child. She told me not to get him anything, but I really think I should. I think I could get a book or a toy.”

(I proceed to show him some nice children’s books, but he’s awfully indecisive and takes a long time deliberating over each one of them. He also wants it super cheap, but good. It’s now 3:10.)

Customer: “I don’t know. This is so hard! Maybe I should get him a toy instead.”

Me: “Well, a toy is also a good option. I have to warn you, though, that they usually come more expensive than books.”

Customer: “You know what? I think I’ll go to [Supermarket] and look at some toys. If I don’t find what I like, I’ll come back here.”

Me: “If you decided to get a toy, that’s fine, but we’re closing. You won’t be able to come back if you change your mind.”

(He appeared not to hear a thing I said and walked out of the store. I closed the store. I left some 10 minutes later, and on my way to the bus stop walked past the front doors. There was the same customer, banging on the locked door, with the CLOSED sign on it and the lights out inside, yelling to be let in!)