Real Housewives of New Jersey – Damn Fairies!

This show has gotten dark and mean. Like most of the housewives franchise, it has lost its fun factor and we are now watching fighting, gossip, and scripted crap. After last week’s blog, people wrote to say my blog was not funny as much as it was mean, and they wonder why there was a change. I don’t agree that I am mean, but one could argue that my recaps are a reflection of the show so it makes sense I am giving what I am getting.

Some of the comments came from die hard Melissa Gorga fans, and since I called her a shady and untrustworthy fame whore, I can understand how they may have taken offense. The truth is hard to take and makes people lash out, so I won’t take it personally. I will continue to write about the shows as I see them, and not worry too much about the fact that Melissa’s fans don’t like my blog. They like her, so there is no accounting for taste.

This show this week put my own relationship to the test. In an attempt to understand my work and why I watch so much reality television, my Englishman watched the show with me. Important to note he has been my boyfriend for a minute so it was a little nerve wracking to subject him to the madness of New Jersey. I am happy to report that while he will NEVER watch it again, we made it through and his observations were brilliant.

We start off at Teresa’s shore house where the troops are gathering for a boat ride. Caroline is out, but Kathy, Melissa, Jac and spouses are in. Teresa is telling Jac about the US Weekly article where she says she was worried about Juicy going to jail, and Juicy saying if he goes away Joe Gorga will not help Teresa. I read the article and it was tabloid fluff so I’m not sure why anyone paid any attention to it. It was easy money and that’s all.

Caroline is at home with her annoying kids, suffering through menopause, and one must wonder what the hell Lauren was thinking when she agreed to make her weight issue a storyline. Lauren says she has lost 5 pounds and fits into a size 8. Really? Does she mean her shoe size? Perhaps her ring size? She is talking about how she wants to be rich, so is her weight is a direct link to how rich she will be? Not too bright this one.

Over at Teresa’s they are going out for a boat ride and leaving all the kids at home with cousin Rosie. Rosie is the very best part of this show and she needs to get her own spin off. Watching her with the kids is hilarious. She needs cigarettes and wine breaks to just get through and even the Englishman perked up a little and announced that Rosie was a cool lady and he’d rather watch her over the “plastic surgery” ones. I love him.

Jac is talking about Ashley and reminding us that she is a bad mother. She then tells the group Caroline is going through menopause and Teresa figures that is why she has been a total bitch to her lately. Wrong. Teresa dear, she is mean to you because she is jealous you are famous and successful away from the show, while she is forced to come to terms with the fact that her children are a sad lot with no real money making ability.

Melissa lets us know she is humble and sweet like Jac. Really? Juicy decides he wants to talk about the black eye Richie gave him last week and it’s pathetic. Juicy is pissed, Teresa is annoyed, Kathy is offended, and Richie could care less. Teresa reminds everyone that she is funny, haha, and you can’t help but think Bravo is scraping the editing room floor trying to pull together an hour of television. There is just nothing here.

At Caroline’s house Lauren and her boyfriend Vito are over for dinner and her dad and brother’s are making fun of their weight. Everyone talks about how hard it is for her to be with her two successful brothers. Really? Successful? Albie lets us know he is seeing a new girl and I guess he is talking about who cuts his hair because I’m guessing her is not dating her. The weight loss storyline is not interesting or funny, just lame.

Jac’s psychic is having a summer solstice party and she is taking everyone with her. Jac and Melissa are scripted to be at Caroline’s so they can drive over together, but really it’s just a chance for Caroline to bash Teresa. Melissa tells Caroline that Teresa said she would dump her bother for a richer guy and that sets off Caroline. She says Teresa is a bully, and lets Mel know she is willing to destroy her family to get rid of her. Really?

Caroline cannot stand it that Teresa is famous. Granted, Teresa has said some dumb things, but that’s Teresa. She is sweet and simple, there is nothing complicated about her. She may not have made good decisions about her book, but come on people. It was funny, haha. Now, when people need to tell you something is funny, it is probably not funny, plus it’s not like Teresa has changed. She is who she always was, and Caroline is green with envy.

Teresa is driving to the solstice party with Kim D. I don’t get this chick and have never liked her on the show. Sidebar: I follow Penny Drossos on Twitter. Penny is the own of the La Chateau salon in Jersey where all the ladies go to get their hair done, and where everyone must talk about them. Penny should be a new housewife. We all know all the best stories are told in a salon and Penny knows more than anyone. Hire Penny as a housewife Bravo!

Melissa is dressed a little whorish and Caroline tells the camera we cannot accuse her if being phony. Really? Caroline is a poser and while I liked her in the beginning, she is now calculated and trying to find ways to be relevant. She is now just like Danielle. Desperately trying to make us care about her, which we just don’t. Rosie confronts Teresa about Melissa marrying Joe Gorga for money and it’s too bad Rosie got involved. Not her place.

Kathy talks about how old school she is and I wonder what exactly does it mean to be old school? A back stabbing gossip? Is that old school? Jac talks to Teresa, Jac then tells Melissa to go talk to Teresa, then Jac goes to gossip about it with Caroline, and it’s ridiculous. Just like Atlanta, these chicks don’t like each other and forcing them to be in these situations makes no sense, is not entertaining, and frankly bores the crap out of me.

Sidebar: Here are some direct quotes from my Englishman: “Who the hell are these women? Are they real people? Do they all have the same plastic surgeon? What the hell is she wearing? That is the makeup of a hooker. Why are we watching this babe? How much longer is this on? You are too good a writer to be writing about this crap.” Important to note there was some profanity used so while slightly altered, the quotes are authentic.

Teresa tells everyone she does not want to talk about Juicy going to jail, then Melissa talks about jail and Teresa bails. Melissa tells the camera she does not understand why Teresa gets so upset about the word jail and one has to wonder exactly how mean is Melissa? She told her not to mention it, and she did. I feel bad for Teresa, but at the same time, Teresa cannot tell every tabloid Juicy may go to jail, them get mad when people talk about it.

Melissa is her family and she should have respected Teresa’s request. It’s silly Teresa is pissed off, but the issue here is that she asks for them to not do it and Melissa purposely did not listen, which is simply not nice. Teresa storms off and Caroline is all over it. Jac goes to talk to Teresa and the hostess is begging her to come back because she wants more camera time. Jac makes it about her and I must say, I do not like this woman.

Jac is a hot mess and I can see how it is that her daughter cannot stand her. Melissa is talking to Kathy and Caroline and being a total airhead. Kathy says she feels bad for Teresa, which is lame because she also slams Teresa every chance she gets. Jac goes to get Melissa so they can talk again and Melissa goes back out which was dumb. Melissa needs to stay away from her and Teresa needs to stop giving this chick chances. It needs to be over.

Teresa and Melissa are now fighting like kids in the parking lot and it is sad. I like both of them in different ways and for different reasons, and this is pathetic. I feel bad for both of them and can agree with both of them depending on which way the wind is blowing. When push comes to shove, Teresa is doing the best she can and Melissa seems unwilling to help her. She cannot take the high road and likes the drama more than anything.

In the parking lot fight I’m feeling a confused. I truly do see both sides, but in the end, if I were forced to pick a side, I would side with cancelling the Housewives of New Jersey and giving Rosie her own show. Caroline is saying that Melissa and Joe need to walk away from Teresa and it is fascinating. Caroline is a bitter hag and she needs to just shut the hell up and worry about her talentless kids, and leave this family alone. Enough.

Tonight we learned that Jac is wishy-washy and quite dumb, Caroline is bitter and bored, Kathy brings nothing to the table, Teresa is going through a hard time, and Melissa cares more about fame than family. We also learned that no good can come of inviting fairies to your party. Damn those fairies. I like this show and these chicks, but they need to get it together because it’s boring and repetitive. None of them are keeping it real.

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