1. A man burns down New York City trying to microwave Canned Bread.2. Alaska passes a law enforcing a mandatory bikini dress code for all persons outdoors.3. Texas becomes its own Republic (again) and invades Oklahoma.4. North and South finally settle their differences and become one big Dakota.5. A Mary-Sue becomes an International Best-Selling Author.6. The Government hires zombies and trains them to eat vegans.7. North Korea has a Nuclear Misfire and blows itself to kingdom come.8. A private detective reveals a clan of lethargic, overweight ninjas.9. The Earth's core spontaneously turns into fondue.10. Violent Riots of angry Pacifists strike major streets across the nation.11. The USA suddenly turns to Soviet-Dictatorship rule by Evil Robots.12. Artificial Intelligence becomes a reality, soon followed by Artificial Stupidity (think GIR from Invader ZIM x1000).13. Bubble Gum becomes the new Black (Not the color- ACTUALL GUM!!!).14. A Tea-Party Member is Elected to (any) office (do the words religious-political fanatical sect mean anything to you?).15. Archeologists find the Lost Gospel of Frank, which proves that Beef Jerky and Women are the root of all evil and parties.16. Jimmy McMillan hosts a party for the "The Rent is Too Damn High" Party in his landlord's basement, uninvited.17. A Mad Scientist creates and Evil Clone Army using cell samples from Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, Mr. T, and Tom Cruise.18. The World's Largest Golf Club strikes Epcot Center in Disney World, and hits a hole-in-one in Lake Tahoe.19. Obama becomes the crazy unwilling slave to a Vampire-Hitler.20. A rooster brings Colonel Sanders back from the dead to begin his mad plot for revenge.21. The Statue of Liberty hits an asteroid Out of the Ball Park!!!22. Giant Radioactive Alien Zombie Lobsters arrive en masse to surrender themselves to our superior (wth???) intellect.23. Lindsay Lohan recants her all her fame, money, criminal charges, and hair to become a nun.24. Armies of the demons of Hell arrive on earth, possess important leaders worldwide, and proceed to change absolutely nothing.25. Chocolate is proven to cause previously unheardof fatal diseases overnight.26. We reach the Shoe Event Horizion (go read The HitchHiker's Trilogy)27. Vampires are Scientifically Proven to be gay fairies by leading researchers, DRACULA INCLUDED.28. Scientists invent cars that run on Pork, causing bacon prices to skyrocket (hey, it's the end of the world to ME )29. Same as above, except replace 'Pork' with 'BBQ Sauce' (again, it's the end to ME.)30. Men and Women separate the US in another Civil War, Battle-Of-The-Sexes style.31. Weird Al Yankovic spontaneously urns into Yoko Ono.32. Obama starts rapping and growing an oversize afro (cool as it sounds, it can only bring doom )33. Archeologists unearth a shrine built around an impossibly ancient, pre-mankind button labeled 'Do Not Push'.34. Genetic Engineers are contracted by idiotic media bigwigs to clone a 'Yoko Ono 5'.35. Military Scientists develop a Dooms Day Device utilizing the Bowel-Imploding 'Brown Note'.36. Christine O'Donnell really IS a witch, and eventually gets elected anyway 37. Stephen Colbert Actually, it'd be AWESOME for him to become President So instead, he dies of laughter (literally!)38. Someone seriously listens to that guy on SNL about the economy and successfully proceeds to 'FIX IT!!!'39. The Dead rise, and immediately begin protesting for jobs, voting rights, healthcare, and seats in congress.40. Mullets turn out to be alien parasites that steal human brains (OMG WE'RE TOO LATE FOR LOUISIANNA!!!)41. Switzerland invades and begins the oppressive New World Order.42. Cell phones turn out to be evil robots with mind-control powers (yes, that includes IPhones)43. Billy Mays rises from his grave to sell your souls.44. The planet is eaten by a giant mutant interstellar stargoat (again, go read The HitchHiker's Trilogy)45. The Vogons arrive, end of story (again again, go read The HitchHiker's Trilogy)46. American Obesity gets so bad, it actually generates black holes!47. Same as above, except with that french Large Hadron Collider 48. All Soup on earth spontaneously explodes.49. The earth makes a mysterious clunking sound and stops turning.50. Chuck Norris finally tires of Humanity