YETI not SETI Institute

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Scientists Shivering Over Sasquatch Reactions to Solar Eclipse. Bigfoot Research Opportunity of a Lifetime!

Crypto-zoological 'scientists' at the prestigious YETI not SETI Institute are overly excited about observing the behavior of feral bigfoots caught in the upcoming solar eclipse. The public is advised to avoid Sasquatches encountered during this time. They may be irritable, confused, disoriented, and try to steal your special fake eclipse™ sunglasses.

Bigfoot plus Solar Eclipses equals Lunacy?

"We've never been able to observe Sasquatch solar activity during a total eclipse of the sun. This is a first!" said a senior DNA research fellow specializing in Sasquatch precious bodily fluid analysis. "Well to be honest, we've never been able to observe actual real bonafide Sasquatch activity ever. But we're hopeful!"

"We suspect the total eclipse will freak out impressionable Bigfoots hiding in the bush, causing them to go temporarily mad with fright and seek shelter in hamburger-joint garbage dumpsters along the entire track of the eclipse. Rancid french fries are comfort food for the beasts. Our field staff of naive graduate students are stationed inside McDonalds, Burger King and Jack-in-the-Box dumpsters along the entire eclipse track, from Oregon to South Carolina. They are brave and dedicated employees. Suckers!"

Brucillus Hail:
Newest member of the Bored of Directors. Invested in the Institute because he was promised a non-existent time-share condo in Key West. Fool! He has no idea what he is gotten himself into. He has witnessed Sasquatch cat carnage.

Krass FFFFleps:
Missing for years and doesn't pay his dues. Rumored to be running a jug wine vineyard for a Russian Oligarch in Siberia. In revenge, the Institute puts his name on any sensitive legal or financial documents which might catch the attention of Interpol or other pesky law enforcement agencies.

It has been suggested that the Bored of Directors consists of a bunch of Morons. Not at all! The Bored of Directors consists of a secret cabal of Livermorons!

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Is that a Bigfoot on your smartphone camera? It's not a Pokémon Go creature! It's Real..... RUN AWAY!

The YETI not SETI Institute, as a public service and a blatant attempt to gain financial contributors among Millenial Mobs playing this idiotic, er inspiring real virtual reality game, wants to warn Pokémon Go players about the risk of Bigfoot sightings.

"When you see a Bigfoot on your Pokémon Go screen, don't try to capture it. These beasts will not take kindly to your attempts to grab them. Instead, these mangy Sasquatches might just decide to grab you!", said Erk Holohed, a dodgy member of the YETI not SETI bored of directors. "If you spot a Sasquatch on your smartphone, stop, drop, roll, turn, get up, and run for it! You get zero points for a Bigfoot."

This foul creature won't be found in Pokémon Go!

Ricard Schiester esq., shady lawyer by trade and yet another unpaid member of the bored of directors, had this warning; "Read the fine print on your user agreement with Pokémon Go. At no point are you protected against injuries suffered due to attempts to capture Sasquatches, Loch Ness Monsters, Evil Masterminds, Invading Space Aliens, and Fuller Brush Salesmen. You're on your own!"

Karl Blinng, Director of the Institute and on parole, was unavailable for comment. "He's out of the crypto-zoololgy lab today, playing Pokémon Go", said his underpaid PR agent. "He gets really excited when he spots a Sleeping Bulbasaur."

International Bigfoot Conference 2016

Why is the prestigious YETI NOT SETI Institute promoting this Sasquatch conference? The conference is just like the other ones we've not been invited to attend or present. Our many Institute proposals to present really important gigantopithecus revoltus research papers at such events have been repeatedly rejected for dumb reasons like 'having no scientific merit', 'dubious research' and other ridiculous excuses. The fools!

OK, we're jealous! We tried a Bigfoot conference once in fabulous Yuba City, but only our board of directors showed up, and that was because free beer & pizza were served. We're desperate to attend any Sasquatch conference where there is free food. Perhaps this attempt to curry favor by promoting their conference will finally work. We heard someone may buy free drinks there, so we're really interested in attending.

Friday, October 2, 2015

A rash (mange) of Bigfoot sightings and incidents have been reported in Europe over the past few years. We have no idea why this is happening.

We are attempting to get a team of researchers over to Europe from the USA to investigate this phenomenon in more depth, including ancillary research into the local brews, of which these Sasquatch seem to have an attraction and will engage in theft to obtain them. Alas, we've not attracted enough scientific grant money to fly in the manner for we are accustomed - - in the front section of the airplane with plenty of champagne and filet mignon. But we're working on it!

The reported sightings of Sasquatches in Europe are impressive.... we see a pattern here. The pattern becomes evident after 4 scotch and waters...

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute, was disturbed. "I am disturbed. Thanks to that pesky court order I must honor or risk going back to the BIG HOUSE, our fund raising options are rather limited. Thanks to the SEC our historic source of funding, widows and orphans, is now off-limits, gosh-darn-it."

"We desperately need new investment funds to produce low-resolution grainy old movies, sell patchy lo-def DVDs, and fund our excellent luxury adventures and expeditions dedicated to finding authentic evidence of Sasquatch, including capturing a live rubberized specimen.We applaud financial pioneers like BPI in their efforts to use the joys of crypto-capitalism to fund important research into Bigfootology".

Erk Holohead, chief investment officer for the YETI not SETI Institute, hinted that the Institute is looking at alternative offshore investment options which will comply with that unfortunate USA domiciled court order, and yet still meet the pressing need to fund the extremely valuable ancient hominids work the organization is engaged in. "We're talking to the Russian Oligarchs about investing in our organization. We know that Yetis are swarming all over Siberia, and some are even in positions of influence inside the Kremlin! We just need more funding to continue this important work. So while we can't fleece widows and orphans (for now), the Oligarchs are fair game. The Greeks and Cypriots have already figured this game out... we want some of the action too!"

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Esteemed Director of the World Famous YETI not SETI Institute Returns to Work.

After an unexplained absence, Dr. Karl Blinng, Director and Co-Founder of the YETI not SETI Institute, returned to his post today, receiving enthusiastic applause from the Institute's staff of three, and twenty-seven attentive credit-holders.

Dr. Blinng, grinning ear-to-ear, issued the following statement:

"Greetings! It is good to be back at the YETI not SETI Institute here in beautiful Yuba City!

Many of you may have wondered why I was absent from this vital source of Sasquatch research and science over the last few months. Due to some silly legal 'alleged fraud' nonsense and related tax reasons for which I am legally bound to not provide details, the IRS and I had some minor misunderstandings.

These issues have now been cleared up. During this time, I was the guest of the US Federal government and enjoyed secure and comfortable lodgings with 24/7 services. My cell-mates, er, fellow guests, also believe that Bigfoot is real. I suspect some of the other guests have substantial Sasquatch genes in their gene pool.

I want to thank my lawyer, Ricard Schiester, for the dedication and hard work he put into arranging for my release and triumphant return to the Institute. Especially after he botched up negotiations with the IRS. Ricard suddenly became very productive after my business associate and Institute board member Erk Holohed arranged a financial settlement regarding my alleged 3 years of unpaid outstanding legal fees. I told Ricard's legal assistant years ago that the check was in the mail, such impatience, good golly gosh!

During my stay with the Feds I started my memoirs, "My Strugle. (With Bigfoot)". We are confident that this exciting collection of my amazingly accurate theories on Sasquatch sightings will be a big BIG seller once we clean up the typos... even as a cheap Amazon ebook.

Except for this stupid tracking ankle bracelet on my left leg and some firm guidance on future research fund raising, we are back in business, fully dedicated to taking all measures to find definitive proof that Bigfoot exists!

Ah, we'll take all donations except from little poor old ladies, widows, and orphans."

At that point, Dr. Blinng was escorted back into the Institute by Guido and Alfonso, two representatives of a concerned creditor to the Institute.

About the Institute:

Founded in 2008, the YETI not SETI Institute is located in cosmopolitan Yuba City, California. A center for quasi-scientific research, the Institute is dedicated to documenting Sasquatch sightings, finding precious BigFoot DNA, and proving the existence of the famous ape-man. The institute carries out vital pseudo-scientific work in the public interest. We except donations in unmarked bills, cash only please. American, Canadian, Swiss or Zimbabwe currency only. No Euros. No checks please... we prefer donations which cannot be tracked in an audit.