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November 17, 2016

BYE BYE OR I DIE @ KENDALLS 21ST

First let me refresh your memory on how the game works. Outfits will be ruthlessly judged by me, a self-diagnosed fashion addict. I may be scathing and brutally honest, but I also can not help but to gush when an outfit is oh-so-right. If I deem the outfit to fall into the ‘I die’ pile, you have played my life with whatever it is that you are serving up. But if you here ‘bye bye’ you better run for cover because you are about to get read for filth.

This round’s battle ground is Kendall Jenner’s 21st birthday bash. Lets jump straight in to it, with the birthday girl herself, who wore 2 looks on the night

Kendall Jenner

Yass kweenBow down, peasantsI die

This outfit is all kinds of sexy and doesn’t she know it? She looks like she could be a super hero/ evil villain/ snake/ borrowing pieces from Lady Gaga’s tour wardrobe/ who cares what she looks like because she is looking this ridiculously good. The OTT fur is so glam I could die and her hair and makeup are so on point it hurts. Not much would be able to separate me from something this good so it would have to have taken something quite special to warrant a costume change …..

I die

Cause of death: OHS incident caused by her outfit slaying so hard overtime that it is now being investigated by the Fairwork Ombudsman

And here it is…The Holy Grail of 21st outfits. Its sexy, its fun, it ensures all eyes will be firmly on you all night, it’s the dress every girl wanted, without them even knowing that they did. Kendall is the party in this slinky little number, custom made just for the supermodel on her special day. And what inspired this creation so perfect that I’m still gushing about it almost a week on from it’s unveiling? It is almost an exact replica of the dress worn by the perrenial millennial party princess Paris Hilton, which further confirms that the noughties are back in all their glitzy glory. She kills it again with her accessories, updating the diamond collar worn by Paris to a wrap around choker, I don’t think I’ve ever met a fur that I didn’t love and this is no exception and the shoes are a product of her fashion forward brother-in-law, Yeezy, and a favourite of Kim’s so you know that they are going to be major.

Hailey Baldwin

Bye bye

I actually hate that I’m giving this verdict because I’m really starting to dig Hailey, which is a huge 180° change of opinion from my original thoughts on the model. Their is nothing wrong with any of the pieces of clothing, my problem with the look lies with her decision to wear them all at once. I actually would really like everything if I were seeing it by itself, but each component is making its own statement and the look becomes a loud, mess with them all individually screaming for your undivided attention, and its not just her outfit, could her boobs possibly be any more apparent, and not in a good way. Having said that, those boots are giving me life and her hair and makeup is romantic and pretty and all kinds of gorgeous, but again, not sitting right with the look.

Although, with an outfit change between dinner and the party, Hailey has a second chance to win my favour

Bye bye

And she blew it. Again. Repeat offence with the statement pieces, WHY CAN’T YOU JUST PICK ONE LOOK AND STICK TO IT! Perhaps she is worried her career will only last 15 minutes so she is trying to cram in wearing as many killer pieces as she can in a short space of time. I love the bralette and panty set but those weird textured brocade pants are ruining everything. I’m both angry and disappointed. That is all.

Kylie Jenner

I die

This look is too much of everything and thats why it is perfect for Kylie, the queen of excess. I love leather, I love lace-front pants, I love mesh, I love curves, I love diamond chokers, I love blondes. Despite initing comparisons to a rather unfortunate doppelgänger which I am choosing to blame her awkward stance in this photo for, I think King Kylie looks incredible.

Kris Jenner

Bye bye

Yes KJ, Kendall is the birthday princess, but that does not mean that you are required to dress as The Queen. Usually I am beyond here for a cape but this is just too much cape. Look, I’m not trying to start a conspiracy theory or spark a(nother) family feud here, but I’m not 100% sure that is even the real OG momager. What evidence do I have to support my suspicions, you ask? Firstly, the Kris Jenner that I know and love, takes any and every opportunity to turn up the sexiness and don an outfit that despite being wildly inappropriate for her age, looks amazing on the cougar , and secondly, where is her signature smokey eye? I don’t think that I can recall a time that her lids have been so visible and it just doesn’t seem very Kris to try a new look at such a big event. I’m used to my KJ being served up red hot and smokey, yet this look is more much more Frozen if you ask me. I’m not sure who this demure imposter is, but I know that I don’t like her.

#wouldtherealkrisjennerpleasestandup

Caitlyn Jenner

Bye bye

I’m sorry honey, but you look like a man in a dress (Yeah, I really did just say that). An unflattering, poorly fitted, clingy, cheap looking bandage dress that not even Christina Aguilera would be seen in, and we all know that the girl loves herself a bandage dress. And that mullet. Ugh.

Khloe Kardashian

I die

Khlo-Money looks a million dollars in her simple LBD, reminding us just why every woman needs to own at least one. This dress hugs her body in all the right places, and she deserves to flaunt the body she works so hard for – enjoy it Khloe, you have earned every single compliment and word of praise you receive. Oh yeah, dd I forget to mention how perfect her makeup is? 12/10

Honestly, I’m just really happy for her

Kourtney Kardashian

Bye bye

I think that this takes the prize for worst outfit of the night. This looks cheap and nasty… and I don’t mean that as a compliment. The whole thing reminds me of a suburban mum, unable to afford a new dress for her high school reunion so she decided to squeeze (and the struggle was real) into her high school formal dress. If this dress had of been a silk slip instead of that metallic stretch fabric it is made of, it would work so much better and be bang on trend for the boudoir dressing style that the fashion world is loving at the moment.

The fact that you can just tell that she is loving herself sick just makes it so much worse.

Mary JO ‘MJ’ Caampbell

I die

Somebody call the park ranger, there’s a fox on the loose. Kris, take notes, your mother just slayed the party with this chic ensemble. White on white is classic and minimal and lets her AH-MAZING fur coat do the talking. MJ’s red lips are confirmation that foxy lady is here to party. Seriously, grandma still has plenty of game #GILF

Kaia Gerber and Cindy Crawford

Kaia Gerber

I die

Why didn’t I look like this at 15? It should be illegal, but when your mum was the most iconic supermodel of the Supermodel Era, I guess the genetic lottery odds are definitely stacked in your favour and Kaia has hit the jackpot, she is the spitting image of her mother. Love her hair here and the stacked necklaces of differing lengths. This is 90’s grunge but all prettied up.

Cindy Crawford

Bye bye

I honestly thought this was a photo of Caitlyn Jenner at first glance #alltnoshade

Either Kendall forgot to send the memo that sparkly metallics were her thing for the night or Cindy rudely ignored it. Either way I’m sure she was ordered to remove the jacket upon entry

Jhene Aiko

I die

I love this whole underdog victory story of a relatively unknown R&B singer, invited to a supermodel’s birthday as rapper Big Sean’s +1 (the fact that he scored an invite, let alone a +1 just confirms the fact that all Kardashian/ Jenners are homie hoppers from way back) managing to have one of my favourite looks of the night. Gurrlfren (I refuse to apologise for my cultural appropriation) (ever) shows some skin in her colour blocking, satin ensemble, this is bedroom dressing done right (Courtney this could have been you had you chosen the right material). Where can I get me a body chain, the perfect accessory for Australians as we head into summer.

Gabrielle Union

Bye bye

Who invited Gabrielle Union? No, really, she better not have been let through the door in this… this… I don’t even know how to describe this mess of an outfit. Gabby, take your polite, middle-parted weave elsewhere, the fact that you wore this is a personal insult to Kendall.

Shanina Sheik

I die

Another guest with metallic sequins!? Kendall must not have hit send on the dress code memo or she has some seriously shady frenemies in attendance.

Lingerie was clearly the look of the night, which is no surprise as half the guest list have walked for Victorias Secret. I love that Aussie hottie Shanina has perfectly matched the colour of her eyeshadow to her silky dress, it is that level of attention to details that really completes a look and sadly is a rarity. The soft, berry/ blush tone is heavenly on this angel’s skin tone and she avoids looking like she has tried too hard thanks to her ponytail.

Madison Beer

Bye bye

I didn’t know Supré shipped to the US. American YS (young slut) teenybopper’s must be thrilled. The dress is a dead ringer for the cheep and skanky designs favoured by the infamous store, who enjoyed wild success in the early 00’s but these days don’t fair so well despite nearly all things noughties being fashion must haves right now. I’m not one to slutshame and that is not what this is about. My problem is that she looks like suburban trash gatecrashing an event that clearly called for something nicer and quite frankly, I’m not having a bar of the disrespect this outfit implies.

Taylor Hill

I die.

Note to self: Book lip injections and yogalates class (#absnotkebabs)

This outfit may be simple, but it is anything but basic.This look Sandy Dee gone bad minus the teased curls and toughened up with winged eyeliner – I’ve got chills, they’re multiplying because those leather pants are the one(s) that I want, ooh ooh ooh… Okay, I’ll stop the Grease references now or we could be here forever

Kate Mara

Bye bye

Given the party falling so close to Halloween, I guess it is an easy mistake to assume can that you were attending a costume party, which explains why you are wearing a Sherlock Holmes costume. Next time a supermodel invites you somewhere, i suggest you investigate the dress code a little harder to avoid looking like you have no clue, Nancy Drew.

So, do you agree with my decisions? Do you think I was a little too harsh? Let me know your opinions by commenting below.

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