Monday, August 17, 2009

and I just wonder....when did this come about?? I have two brothers one older and one younger. My older brother is....ugh, sometimes disgusting to say the least. He calls every girl he encounters "Hoes" or "Bitches" and basically bring women to a level of just having sex with them. And it's a lot of other guys like that as well. When did this become a trend? When did disrespecting women and slogans like, "Money over bitches," and '"Trust no Hoe," become popular?? Whose fault is it? Back in the 40s, 50s, & 60s men wouldn't DARE call a women a hoe or a bitch. Men were respectful, opened doors, take women out on dates really court a woman. Now, niggas will text you "Whats up wit the pussy" and expect to have sex even if he just took you to damn Taco Bell !!! Is it women's fault? Is it because we became too lax, and let men in who wasn't worthy; is it because of they way women dress now a days very procatively; I don't understand......they say its because of single parenthood, but if men are being raised by single mothers wouldn't that teach them to respect a woman because they are hardworking and will sacrifice for the family?? These are the things that are on my Mind..

lol.. I wish her well on her pregnancy but I dont understand...if her and Scott broke up, why in the hell were they effing? So, were they fuck buddies or did they ever really break up? Probably didn't...

all I know is the baby will be gorgeous, but dingy ass hell. You see the rest of the Kardashian family...they're not the smartest trees in the forest

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

My momma says that its normal for me not to have be in a relationship because I'm so young. I shouldn't be thinking about anything serious anyways, and just should concentrate on college and graduating....but of course she would say that.

but I think my problem is that I'm afraid of relationships...

and because I'm afraid, I have become extremely picky about who I choose to date.

and I think I choose guys that aren't gonna stay around long so I won't have to be in a real relationship.

When I start to talk to a guy, I look for little things that can turn me off and it is the wrong little things that turn me off. Like if he hasn't dated many girls himself or can't really hold a conversation or even if he never had a job. If something little irks me, I dump him.

and then I cling to the guys who used((are)) to be whores, talked to everybody and they mama, say they cant wait long for a girl to have sex, blah blah blah then I complain to my friends that he ain't shit and go through the whole cycle again.

I just think I'm afraid of what will happen if I do get in a real relationship. If I do get with a guy and fall deep, then I'm vulnerable, then if he hurts me I can become damaged goods, somebody with baggage. I'll feel awful and hurt and betrayed, and then I'll become bitter like so many other girls I know that have lost & lost and I don't want to go through that. So I keep it casual, and date guys who I know won't be around for long.

but I want that to change. I need to get over my fear and let somebody in because like they say, it's better to love and lost than to never loved & all, but hell I am scared that when I love and lose, I will never be able to love again...

Girls walking in heels---like, seriously? I know you want to be cute & all but our college campus is HUUUUGE, and parking is horrible so basically you have to walk everywhere and when I see girls in heels it just give me a headache like, ugggh I hope you fall so I can laugh VERY VERY loud in your face.. 'People stopping/slowing down in the middle of traffic--You know when you tryna walk to your class and there's a whole crowd walking forward/back and you tryna get where you're going and all of a sudden, the person in front starts slowing down and you try to manuever your way from behind them but there's so many people that you can't. Yeah. Thanks asshole now i'm late for class! '

Riding a bike in the middle of traffic-I see this all the time on my campus....they will ride their bike on the sidewalk where a bunch of people are tryna to walk. And some don't even watch where they're going! You'll be walking and all of a sudden you see a bike and shit whiz by and you get all scared & isssh just because they didn't let YOU know they were comin. ugh, you know you can walk right? A whole bunch of guys laughing/talking--I hate to see a whole bunch of guys together because thats just means one of them is gonna try && talk to me, and be worsome ass hell. They're little dumb ass friends gonna say some stupid sexual shit && gon ask me can they be my friend knowing damn well they don't wanna be my friend.siiigh. Guys with skinny jeans on and yet, they still sagging---This has been a trend since Im guessing last fall. But why?! So, you want to have tight jeans but still be "hood" and sag? In the words of B. Scott, "Bitch. Boo. Bye!!" The white girls with uggs on and it's 90 degrees outside--But she'll have on a mini-skirt and Aeropostale shirt.. and her hair will be in a messy bun.. smh That really old guy who you thinks goes to your school but not sure but he keeps starin----I know I'm not the only one, right?lol.

Monday, August 10, 2009

he was in the courtroom and was waiting on his cousin to be sentenced on drug charges..and he started yawning. The court said he was yawning in a way that it was disrupting court proceeding....and the judge filed in a contempt of court and gave him not a fine, but 6 months..

Sunday, August 9, 2009

I am so bored with life right now. Like, there isn't shit to do in my world!! My job ended on July 31, so I am no longer working and I won't be getting a regular check(UUUGGGH) but I have about 1,000 saved up for the summer so I'm in pretty good shape. I just hate that for the next two weeks I won't be doing shit. Like, just keeping the house clean and laying around is basically it. I gotta curb my spending so I can't do the club alot so it makes for the end of my summer to be pretty damn boring. Fuck. I'm so ready to go back to school August 26th!! In two weeks, I will be gone of this boring town and back into another boring ass town, I admit but at least it'll be a boring town with live sets, cute boys, Vodka, and no rules WHATSOEVER!! Im so sick of my parents wanting to talk to me, or tell me something or make me do something it's gotten me oh so very blah blah blah.....like everything is going out of one ear and through the other. I am kinda missing one of my oldest friends right now, but I don't know how to form a line of communication with her. We were best friends in 4th grade but lost touch by 6th grade but got back in touch in 7th grade. My momma REALLY didn't like her and called her fast (because sometimes, she could be..) but she was my friend but my momma really went out of her way to sabotage it and prevented me from going out with her, wouldn't take me places if it involved her..... so basically by my senior year, we lost touch. We got back in touch on Facebook but we do not talk much. I comment on some of her pics and statuses but thats it. I do not even have her number. I get the feeling that she isn't really trying to maybe be friends or talk&& whatnot so thats why I haven't tried to get her number or force the issue but I see her like have pictures with another FB friend of mine and it kind of hurts my feelings because we used to be tight, her momma and brother knew me and my mother and she used to call me with problems & etc., like I felt like a friend who didn't judge her but I understand that she wants new friends and probably thinks old people would hold her back but it stills hurts me a lil even though my best friend is the isssh and I wouldn't trade that skinny bish for nothing in the world!! lol.

also, I cant fucking WAIT to get this refund check from school mane. It comes on August 31st and after I pay my rent for my apartment its SHOPPING time!! lol, I was looking online for cute laptops and I was thinking about getting a Dell Inspirion 15 and it's in pink my favorite color!! yay!! here it is: i love the color it's so pretty, feminine-like !

So, I'm on Facebook looking at people's pictures and reading comments and whatnot and sudden I get a message in the inbox. I look, and to my surprise its an old crush of mine from back in middle school talking about he wants my number. I'm suprised, and I end up giving him my number thinking how much I used to like him back in the day and wonder what his conversation game would be like... and I was SERIOUSLY DISAPPOINTED... but that's not what I came here to talk about lol. It seems in the coming years since middle school and my early high school years, the guys I just absoutely ADORED back in those days and didn't give a rats ass about me because they were in the going hoe's faces are now sending me msgs and whatnot tryna to get to know me. At first I was like flattered && shit but now that I think about it...Im like the hell. Back then when I do admit I was awkard looking and reeked VIRGIN lol u didn't give me a second look but now that I've matured and become very cute u want to get to know me? It seems like every possible crush I have had has tried to get a second chance for me. It kinda boosts my ego at times I admit, but half the tims the niggas aint bout shit no way so I kindly thank them for their "compliments" and be on my way....if you wasn't interested then, what makes you so interested now that u start sweating me?? It can't be for nothing good, or that u just want to "TAKE ME OUT" or some.....u just want some!!! Lol in the words of Mike Jones, 'BACK THEN U DIDNT WANT ME NOW IM HOT U ALL ON ME" LMFAO

I just got through watching America Best Dance Crew, and I saw some people from my school, Middle Tennessee State University on there: Southern Movement!! I was so excited and was rooting for them through the whole show!! Their first routine could of been a little bit better I admit, but their "to the death" performance they STR8 KILLED IT!!!! Im so proud of them and I hope they make it all the way to the end!!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I was watching Secret Lives of Women on Oxygen....ya'll need to go watch it its actually verrry good and the topic was female sex addicts. Basically, it was like two women who were current "sex" addicts...and two former sex addicts and they talked about they're past, what they are doing now and how they overcame their sex addiction....so.. of all the girls I known that were so called "going" and hoes...maybe they had a reason? Something inside that we don't knw about and we're judging them without knowing the whole story?

Let me share somethin with ya. At my college, of course there was sex and etc hooking up as it is called but there was this one girl imma call her Keira. Keira was the HOE of the school. Her speciality was oral. She practically give bj's to every dude in one click, and a whole host of others. They even began calling her a "Man Eater" to her face, and to my surprise....she actually accepted it! It was a well known fact that she was easy, and basically if you called her to your room she would give you head. She even admitted liking to do it, and not caring. Now...when I heard 'bout this I IMMEDIATELY judged. I gave her 0% respect, and laughed when I heard what the dudes did to her, said bout her etc.. but then one day I started thinking like, 'DAMN!!' it gotta be a reason why this girl is degrading herself like this. She must of had some issues back at home with her family or father, or maybe some deep rooted self-esteem issues that is making her lash out like this. She simply isn't doing this because she loves it because she is getting disrespected, and she even cried when a boy put her business out on front street. Then I started looking at her in a different light. I felt sorry for her. When I heard of her escapades, I didn't think "That hoe...." I thought, "Damn she need some help," But of course, people are only gonna respect you if you show some respect for themselves. If a girl is putting herself out there like that, people aren't gonna treat her like she is somebody worth being treated. But still, when a girl is being a Whore.... you sometimes gotta think about damn Maybe This girl is going through something instead of immediately talking about her and calling her a hoe....when u look at the whole picture like that, it makes gossiping about her seem Wrong. but who knows. Im just ranting.

Monday, August 3, 2009

You done heard the old quote before.. "Women fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship; men fake a relationship for the sake of a orgasm" in a lot of ways, that is true...I posted the other day about these dude who is getting on my nerves to the nth degree and he's acting like soooo uninterested and distant, and I decided that I might drop him. Then I got to thinking why I was talking to him in the 1st place...see im a VIRGIN.... and im a college girl. And to be quite honest, I'm tired of it. Being a virgin that is.. No it isn't pressuring me to have sex, or Im sooo in love that I want that person Im in in love with to be my firstIm just goddamn curious, and I just want to get the shit out of the way.. I know you shouldn't want to have sex because others are doing it, and in some ways thats part of the reason but Ijust want to experience it FOR MYSELF. i bet its great lol.....Im a curious girl I wil admitBut all the niggas I've met so far in life, have not at all been worthy of getting it whatsoever!!They either niggas just talking to me for sex, lame ass hell, or I just didn't like them. I haven't been in many relationships, but I've talked to plenty of niggas and I've met em all && most guys ain't shit. lolBut anyways, I been talking to this guy and he seems alright enough. He's cute, and he's willing to be in a relationship. So I was thinking hey I'd go with him, and most likely do something with him. Basically, talking to him knowing that later down the road, I'd probably eff him. IT's badddd cause you're supposed to know somebody in/out before you have sex with him, and have feelings & blah, blah, blah and I probably would have feelings and all that jazz for him (if only he wasnt showing his ass right now!!) but the desire to have sex is hella strong!! I don't want to have sex with a guy I'm just talking to because it would seem like I waited allll this time for nothing. But, having sex with a guy Ima go with in college is worthless too huh? Hell, at least I'll be with him and won't have to worry about being labeled a hoe, going or etc. just because me and guy is effin..he'll be my boyfriend!! lol. i just need to get some this fall before i go crazy.. does that sound crazy?