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Author
Topic: intro (Read 4160 times)

hello fellow PozI have been surfing this site for a few years and thought it was time to introduce myself my name is Brandy I'm 29 (for the 6th time ) actually 35 I've been poz for 11 years and have know for 9 of them. here's Little back ground. 11 years I was a bartender. yeah I was in to the speed at the time it helped with the long hours not an excuse! one night I wanted to get a tattoo a friend of a friend did work so we got together and I jumped into his van ( mistake I was high and wasn't thinking about that I didn't know this guy) we drove all over the place until I was lost ( which isn't hard I get lost in a one way drive Thur) we finally stopped in some junk yard. . .he pulled a gun ( I wont give details ) the short end of is he raped me for 6 hours I was shot at it went through my hair( I smelled the gun powder for years) and he beat so bad you didn't even know who I was I looked in the mirror and couldn't see me, for what ever reason he drove me back to the bar I worked at and pushed me out of the van and drove off. . . ( please dint feel sorry for me I have come to terms with it and if it hadn't been for the drugs I would have never gotten into the van with him) I was found in my shower by my roommate later that night( she wasn't even sure it was me except I had a tattoo with my daughters name on my back) she cleaned me up and got a few of our friends to help watch me as I recovered. no I didn't go to the police ( I was a bartender who used ) I would have ended up on trial ( I have to live with that ) because a few months later the same guy raped a 13 year old. I ended up moving to the desert Palm springs I got pregnant I was happy and clean and the nightmares had slowed. when one day I got a call for the doctor I needed to come in it was my blood work I didn't think anything of it. I went in

they put me in a little room all white. . . I waited for the doctor. a lady doctor came not my doctor I had never seen this doctor she say in a voice real low " Brandy do you know what HIV is ?" yes I replied the floor dropped from my feet the room started to spin " she goes on to say " well you have it he res a card go see this doctor" I looked at grabbed my belly and said " my baby" that all I could say she said the new doctor will get you on meds the baby should be fine" and she walked out. . . as I was leaving all the nurses were looking at me like I was a freak show just watching not saying anything... I called my ride I cried for weeks I had thought the only thing the guy had left was nightmares... then I remembered the little girl and my world crushed in on me. the nightmares came back. ( the baby is neg) I didn't got on meds right away after my tests came back I got more news this doctor says " Brandy your counts are concerning you CD4 is 54 and you have cervical cancer " what does this mean I ask " Brandy you have AIDS" and I was thinking it couldn't get worse but the doctor goes on to say I'm sorry but you have about 3 years if you handle the meds well" WHAT. . .

I thought well if I'm going to die so soon I'm going to go out partying after the baby was born I got bad in drugs for years

one day I woke up cps had taken my kids the boyfriend was god only knew where. . . I realized that I was killing my self not the decease I checked myself into a recovery home... I try ed to get the kids back but the lovely doctor had reported to the court that I had about 3 years so the judge said he couldn't give them back when I wouldn't live to see them to adulthood. I understand the judges view he didn't know any better he was going on what was best for my children... its been 5 years yes I'm still clean I'm now in college I'm a psychology major specializing in HIV/AIDS mental health. I an advocate for hiv awareness and mentor to newly hiv poz women at my local hospital... My oldest daughter recently found me and has moved in she is going to college with me in the fall and I now have contact with my 15 and 16 , , , so all in all things couldn't have turned out better. . . the funny thing is I'm a better person then I was before all this happend. I cant re get what has happend to me because I love the person I am today and I wouldn't be that person if not for the things I went through to get here

Brandy, I loved your story and can relate to you on many fronts trust me. Please consider joining us in the women's forum, specifically the dating thread. It's not all about dating; it's where we ladies share our daily lives, struggles, victories and support each other. We're a good group. Luv,Betty

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow