Forever In Search Of my Muse

About Me

i am probably one of the most unusual people that you could ever meet. i know who i am and what i believe. i do not force my opinions on others, nor do i allow others to try to do that to me. i expect honesty and offer nothing less. i see things neither half-full nor half empty, but open for change. i take the world as a place to learn, grow, and have fun. Life is too short to take it all seriously. i can laugh at myself and often do. i am comfortable in jeans and a tee or dressed up to the nines. i love my friends and family deeply and will do anything for them. When i feel something, i feel it intensely. i can be your best friend or your worst enemy. my temper is not a thing to mess with. i am a dreamer, a poet, a writer, a listener, and very open-minded. i accept all for whom and what they are. i do not lead nor do i follow but i walk my own path and you are welcome to walk with me for as long as you choose. i can cry when i am happy, sad, or angry. my tears come when they please and i make no apologies for what i feel or believe.

Followers

Monday, September 15, 2014

~~ This is a list of the books read by the character Rory Gilmore from the TV series Gilmore Girls. The ones that are crossed off and the ones that i have read. It may seem odd but i want to read all these books. This TV series has always been one of my favorites and i love how they are a family that loves to read. As the time goes on i will be re-posting this list with more books crossed off until i can say i have read or tried to read all of these books.

1. 1984 by George Orwell2. Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain3. Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll4. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon5. An American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser6. Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt7. Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy8. The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank9. The Archidamian War by Donald Kagan10. The Art of Fiction by Henry James11. The Art of War by Sun Tzu12. As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner13. Atonement by Ian McEwan14. Autobiography of a Face by Lucy Grealy15. The Awakening by Kate Chopin16. Babe by Dick King-Smith17. Backlash: The Undeclared War Against American Women by Susan Faludi18. Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress by Dai Sijie19. Bel Canto by Ann Patchett20. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath21. Beloved by Toni Morrison22. Beowulf: A New Verse Translation by Seamus Heaney23. The Bhagava Gita24. The Bielski Brothers: The True Story of Three Men Who Defied the Nazis, Built a Village in the Forest, and Saved 1,200 Jews by Peter Duffy25. Bitch in Praise of Difficult Women by Elizabeth Wurtzel26. A Bolt from the Blue and Other Essays by Mary McCarthy

27. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley28. Brick Lane by Monica Ali29. Bridgadoon by Alan Jay Lerner30. Candide by Voltaire31. The Canterbury Tales by Chaucer32. Carrie by Stephen King33. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller34. The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger35. Charlotte’s Web by E. B. White36. The Children’s Hour by Lillian Hellman37. Christine by Stephen King38. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens39. A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess40. The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse41. The Collected Stories by Eudora Welty42. A Comedy of Errors by William Shakespeare43. Complete Novels by Dawn Powell44. The Complete Poems by Anne Sexton45. Complete Stories by Dorothy Parker46. A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole47. The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas48. Cousin Bette by Honore de Balzac49. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky50. The Crimson Petal and the White by Michel Faber51. The Crucible by Arthur Miller52. Cujo by Stephen King53. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon

54. Daughter of Fortune by Isabel Allende55. David and Lisa by Dr Theodore Issac Rubin M.D56. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens57. The Da Vinci -Code by Dan Brown58. Dead Souls by Nikolai Gogol59. Demons by Fyodor Dostoyevsky60. Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller61. Deenie by Judy Blume62. The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair that Changed America by Erik Larson63. The Dirt: Confessions of the World’s Most Notorious Rock Band by Tommy Lee, Vince Neil, Mick Mars and Nikki Sixx64. The Divine Comedy by Dante65. The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells66. Don Quixote by Cervantes67. Driving Miss Daisy by Alfred Uhrv68. Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson69. Edgar Allan Poe: Complete Tales & Poems by Edgar Allan Poe70. Eleanor Roosevelt by Blanche Wiesen Cook71. The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test by Tom Wolfe72. Ella Minnow Pea: A Novel in Letters by Mark Dunn73. Eloise by Kay Thompson74. Emily the Strange by Roger Reger75. Emma by Jane Austen76. Empire Falls by Richard Russo77. Encyclopedia Brown: Boy Detective by Donald J. Sobol78. Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton79. Ethics by Spinoza80. Europe through the Back Door, 2003 by Rick Steves

81. Eva Luna by Isabel Allende82. Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer83. Extravagance by Gary Krist84. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury85. Fahrenheit 9/11 by Michael Moore86. The Fall of the Athenian Empire by Donald Kagan87. Fat Land: How Americans Became the Fattest People in the World by Greg Critser88. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson89. The Fellowship of the Ring by J. R. R. Tolkien90. Fiddler on the Roof by Joseph Stein91. The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom92. Finnegan’s Wake by James Joyce93. Fletch by Gregory McDonald94. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes95. The Fortress of Solitude by Jonathan Lethem96. The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand97. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley98. Franny and Zooey by J. D. Salinger99. Freaky Friday by Mary Rodgers100. Galapagos by Kurt Vonnegut101. Gender Trouble by Judith Butler102. George W. Bushism: The Slate Book of the Accidental Wit and Wisdom of our 43rd President by Jacob Weisberg103. Gidget by Fredrick Kohner104. Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen105. The Gnostic Gospels by Elaine Pagels106. The Godfather: Book 1 by Mario Puzo

107. The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy108. Goldilocks and the Three Bears by Alvin Granowsky109. Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell110. The Good Soldier by Ford Maddox Ford111. The Gospel According to Judy Bloom112. The Graduate by Charles Webb113. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck114. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald115. Great Expectations by Charles Dickens116. The Group by Mary McCarthy117. Hamlet by William Shakespeare118. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J. K. Rowling119. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J. K. Rowling120. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers121. Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad122. Helter Skelter: The True Story of the Manson Murders by Vincent Bugliosi and Curt Gentry123. Henry IV, part I by William Shakespeare124. Henry IV, part II by William Shakespeare125. Henry V by William Shakespeare126. High Fidelity by Nick Hornby127. The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire by Edward Gibbon128. Holidays on Ice: Stories by David Sedaris129. The Holy Barbarians by Lawrence Lipton130. House of Sand and Fog by Andre Dubus III131. The House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende132. How to Breathe Underwater by Julie Orringer

133. How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss134. How the Light Gets In by M. J. Hyland135. Howl by Allen Ginsberg136. The Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo137. The Iliad by Homer138. I’m With the Band by Pamela des Barres139. In Cold Blood by Truman Capote140. Inferno by Dante141. Inherit the Wind by Jerome Lawrence and Robert E. Lee142. Iron Weed by William J. Kennedy143. It Takes a Village by Hillary Rodham Clinton144. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte145. The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan146. Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare147. The Jumping Frog by Mark Twain148. The Jungle by Upton Sinclair149. Just a Couple of Days by Tony Vigorito150. The Kitchen Boy: A Novel of the Last Tsar by Robert Alexander151. Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly by Anthony Bourdain152. The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini153. Lady Chatterleys’ Lover by D. H. Lawrence154. The Last Empire: Essays 1992-2000 by Gore Vidal155. Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman156. The Legend of Bagger Vance by Steven Pressfield157. Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis158. Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke

159. Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them by Al Franken160. Life of Pi by Yann Martel161. Little Dorrit by Charles Dickens162. The Little Locksmith by Katharine Butler Hathaway163. The Little Match Girl by Hans Christian Andersen164. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott165. Living History by Hillary Rodham Clinton166. Lord of the Flies by William Golding167. The Lottery: And Other Stories by Shirley Jackson168. The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold169. The Love Story by Erich Segal170. Macbeth by William Shakespeare171. Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert172. The Manticore by Robertson Davies173. Marathon Man by William Goldman174. The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov175. Memoirs of a Dutiful Daughter by Simone de Beauvoir176. Memoirs of General W. T. Sherman by William Tecumseh Sherman177. Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris178. The Meaning of Consuelo by Judith Ortiz Cofer179. Mencken’s Chrestomathy by H. R. Mencken180. The Merry Wives of Windsor by William Shakespeare181. The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka182. Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides183. The Miracle Worker by William Gibson184. Moby Dick by Herman Melville

185. The Mojo Collection: The Ultimate Music Companion by Jim Irvin186. Moliere: A Biography by Hobart Chatfield Taylor187. A Monetary History of the United States by Milton Friedman188. Monsieur Proust by Celeste Albaret189. A Month Of Sundays: Searching For The Spirit And My Sister by Julie Mars190. A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway191. Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf192. Mutiny on the Bounty by Charles Nordhoff and James Norman Hall193. My Lai 4: A Report on the Massacre and It’s Aftermath by Seymour M. Hersh194. My Life as Author and Editor by H. R. Mencken195. My Life in Orange: Growing Up with the Guru by Tim Guest196. Myra Waldo’s Travel and Motoring Guide to Europe, 1978 by Myra Waldo197. My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult198. The Naked and the Dead by Norman Mailer199. The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco200. The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri201. The Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin202. Nervous System: Or, Losing My Mind in Literature by Jan Lars Jensen203. New Poems of Emily Dickinson by Emily Dickinson204. The New Way Things Work by David Macaulay205. Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich206. Night by Elie Wiesel207. Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen208. The Norton Anthology of Theory and Criticism by William E. Cain, Laurie A. Finke, Barbara E. Johnson, John P. McGowan209. Novels 1930-1942: Dance Night/Come Back to Sorrento, Turn, Magic Wheel/Angels on Toast/A Time to be Born by Dawn Powell210. Notes of a Dirty Old Man by Charles Bukowski

211. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck212. Old School by Tobias Wolff213. On the Road by Jack Kerouac214. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey215. One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez216. The Opposite of Fate: Memories of a Writing Life by Amy Tan217. Oracle Night by Paul Auster218. Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood219. Othello by Shakespeare220. Our Mutual Friend by Charles Dickens221. The Outbreak of the Peloponnesian War by Donald Kagan222. Out of Africa by Isac Dineson223. The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton224. A Passage to India by E.M. Forster225. The Peace of Nicias and the Sicilian Expedition by Donald Kagan226. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky227. Peyton Place by Grace Metalious228. The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde229. Pigs at the Trough by Arianna Huffington230. Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi231. Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk Legs McNeil and Gillian McCain232. The Polysyllabic Spree by Nick Hornby233. The Portable Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker234. The Portable Nietzche by Fredrich Nietzche235. The Price of Loyalty: George W. Bush, the White House, and the Education of Paul O’Neill by Ron Suskind236. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen237. Property by Valerie Martin

238. Pushkin: A Biography by T. J. Binyon239. Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw240. Quattrocento by James Mckean241. A Quiet Storm by Rachel Howzell Hall242. Rapunzel by Grimm Brothers243. The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe244. The Razor’s Edge by W. Somerset Maugham245. Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books by Azar Nafisi246. Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier247. Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm by Kate Douglas Wiggin248. The Red Tent by Anita Diamant249. Rescuing Patty Hearst: Memories From a Decade Gone Mad by Virginia Holman250. The Return of the King by J. R. R. Tolkien251. R Is for Ricochet by Sue Grafton252. Rita Hayworth by Stephen King253. Robert’s Rules of Order by Henry Robert254. Roman Holiday by Edith Wharton255. Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare256. A Room of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf257. A Room with a View by E. M. Forster258. Rosemary’s Baby by Ira Levin259. The Rough Guide to Europe, 2003 Edition260. Sacred Time by Ursula Hegi261. Sanctuary by William Faulkner262. Savage Beauty: The Life of Edna St. Vincent Millay by Nancy Milford263. Say Goodbye to Daisy Miller by Henry James264. The Scarecrow of Oz by Frank L. Baum

265. The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne266. Seabiscuit: An American Legend by Laura Hillenbrand267. The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir268. The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd269. Secrets of the Flesh: A Life of Colette by Judith Thurman270. Selected Hotels of Europe271. Selected Letters of Dawn Powell: 1913-1965 by Dawn Powell272. Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen273. A Separate Peace by John Knowles274. Several Biographies of Winston Churchill275. Sexus by Henry Miller276. The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon277. Shane by Jack Shaefer278. The Shining by Stephen King279. Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse280. S Is for Silence by Sue Grafton281. Slaughter-house Five by Kurt Vonnegut282. Small Island by Andrea Levy283. Snows of Kilimanjaro by Ernest Hemingway284. Snow White and Rose Red by Grimm Brothers285. Social Origins of Dictatorship and Democracy: Lord and Peasant in the Making of the Modern World by Barrington Moore286. The Song of Names by Norman Lebrecht287. Song of the Simple Truth: The Complete Poems of Julia de Burgos by Julia de Burgos288. The Song Reader by Lisa Tucker289. Songbook by Nick Hornby290. The Sonnets by William Shakespeare291. Sonnets from the Portuegese by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

292. Sophie’s Choice by William Styron293. The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner294. Speak, Memory by Vladimir Nabokov295. Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach296. The Story of My Life by Helen Keller297. A Streetcar Named Desiree by Tennessee Williams298. Stuart Little by E. B. White299. Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway300. Swann’s Way by Marcel Proust301. Swimming with Giants: My Encounters with Whales, Dolphins and Seals by Anne Collett302. Sybil by Flora Rheta Schreiber303. A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens304. Tender Is The Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald305. Term of Endearment by Larry McMurtry306. Time and Again by Jack Finney307. The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger308. To Have and Have Not by Ernest Hemingway309. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee310. The Tragedy of Richard III by William Shakespeare311. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith312. The Trial by Franz Kafka313. The True and Outstanding Adventures of the Hunt Sisters by Elisabeth Robinson314. Truth & Beauty: A Friendship by Ann Patchett315. Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom316. Ulysses by James Joyce317. The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath 1950-1962 by Sylvia Plath318. Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe

319. Unless by Carol Shields320. Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann321. The Vanishing Newspaper by Philip Meyers322. Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray323. Velvet Underground’s The Velvet Underground and Nico (Thirty Three and a Third series) by Joe Harvard324. The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides325. Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett326. Walden by Henry David Thoreau327. Walt Disney’s Bambi by Felix Salten328. War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy329. We Owe You Nothing – Punk Planet: The Collected Interviews edited by Daniel Sinker330. What Colour is Your Parachute? 2005 by Richard Nelson Bolles331. What Happened to Baby Jane by Henry Farrell332. When the Emperor Was Divine by Julie Otsuka333. Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson334. Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf by Edward Albee335. Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire336. The Wizard of Oz by Frank L. Baum337. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte338. The Yearling by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings339. The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

Friday, February 28, 2014

~~~ i got accused of being very small and closed minded about religions and "Gay Rights." Now let me explain i am pagan specifically Wiccan, i came to settle on the religion after exploring, searching, and studying many different religions from all over the world. i am will to discuss and talk about religions with anyone who is willing to have an open and honest conversation even a lively and fun debate but i will not discuss it with someone who is going to sit there and tell me i am going to hell or their religions version of hell because i do not believe what they believe. Do not lob at me statements such as, "My religion tells me i must 'SAVE' the non-believers." i do not need saving from anything except maybe you. ~~~ i live my life as a good person and help others that need the help stranger or friend. i do not judge others, not even when they judge me or try to force their beliefs on me. Everyone is free to believe what they want and worship who they want in their own way. i only ask for the same respect and yes i mean ask i do not demand or expect it for anyone. ~~~ As for the being closed minded on "Gay Rights" i was told that i "need to look at it from the point of a true Christian who is being asked to accept this sin as part of their life now and being forced to share their holy sacrament of marriage with these sinners." To which i was floored and was not sure what to say without being rude and calling the person a bunch of things i really try not to call people. When i finally was able get to past the screaming obscenities of my mind i responded with asking if they felt divorce was a sin against the holy sacrament of marriage, or if a spouse beating and raping the partner was a sin against marriage, or if a spouse emotionally and verbally degrading their partner was a sin against marriage? They looked at me and said yes and i said and yet you do not have a fit when people who do these things get married and do not protest and cry religious persecution. Why is the way someone is born a persecution to your religion? To which they tried to argue that one chooses who they are attracted to by what they are taught growing up. At which point i just about exploded but calmly asked them if they chose to be attracted to their wife and their past girlfriends? They said, "Yes." i was dumbfounded could they really not tell the difference between being attracted to someone and acting on those attractions? They then asked me, "what if they chose to be attracted to a horse?" Internal rage filled me to the brim but did not spill out, where they really now comparing the love of two human beings to the act of bestiality? Now i admit i was a little childish in my response and said, "Well according to Greek mythology you would create a Centaur." To which they replied deadpan, "to that i say, my science proves that cannot happen." Now i am shaking my head and laughing, "i said mythology as in myth from theGreekmuthosmeaning word,or story" i did tell them repeatedly that it was their right to believe that homosexuality was a sin but that they needed to understand that science has proved that it is a way someone is born not a choice. i also said that they are told in the bible, "Let you who is without sin throw the first stone." And then chose to end the conversation before i said something i would later come to regret.

~~~ Yet i am the closed minded one? Mind you i have known the person i was having this conversation with since the day they were born literally. Yet they do not know much about me because i would never hear the end of it from them. i am by no means ashamed of who or what i am, i just choose to keep peace around this person and not cause drama that others would also have to deal with.

~~~ Yes, i do come across a little more closed minded on the "Gay Rights" front because i believe it is matter of human rights not religious choices. And i will always fight for the rights of those whom are being oppressed. Everyone has the right to be married and it does not matter the gender of the other human they wish to marry.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

~~~ A lot has happened in my life since my last post. i am still in
school though i am taking this semester off to get my life back in order
and ready for the next part of what may come my way. my GPA is still
perfect at a 4.0 and that is part of why i have not posted on here in so
long i was so busy with school work and taking care of Son. Son is now
14 years old, 6'2" tall and growing like a weed. He is a freshman in
high school and in the NJROTC and i could not be a prouder mom. More on
Son in a moment.

~~~ Two of the biggest things to
happen since i last posted are that my ex-husband and my oldest sister
have passed away. my ex-husband passed away of an accidental overdose of
his medications. He passed away August 28, 2012 and then on December
20, 2012 i lost my oldest sister to complications from her alcoholism
and drug abuse. With my ex-husband passing that means that Son is now
with me all the time. i no longer have every other weekend to myself and
Son has been in counseling since then as well. This and all my school
work has kept me so busy that i have not been able to post on here. ~~~
i am not in school this semester as i have said i am trying to get my
life back in order and that includes going to see a neurologist for my
back and my migraines. i am also trying to develop new daily routines to
keep things caught up and here at home. That however has not been
happening yet as my insomnia has been really kicking my butt and then on
Tuesday i accidentally ate onions and i am extremely allergic to those
so for the next two weeks i will be dealing with my reactions to that.
Then before all of this i was sick for over a month with a horrible
cough and chest congestion that would not go away.

~~~
i am working on lowering my stress as well but as it is late and i need
to get to sleep i will try and most more updates later.

Friday, March 2, 2012

~~~~ i bought this at the bookstore of my school for about $60 and i love it. i have been recording my lectures from my classes and i can re-listen to them while i am reading my notes and going through my books and it really helps. i have never had to really study before as i have said so i am learning how to do it now. i been using it for my Anatomy & Physiology class and i am going to start using it for statistics class as well and see if it helps there.

~~~~ i have had a few classmates from A & P borrow it and listen to the lectures that they have missed and they have really liked it as well. It records decently from the back of the lecture hall i can still hear what my professor is saying and i can usually hear what the others answers are when we are asked questions. It records everything as a .pdf file so it is really easy to listen to from my laptop or if i really wanted to i could put them on my iPod as well. Usually i just back it up in my laptop the speakers on it are really good and the earphone jack works very well also. So i just listen to the lectures right off of it.

~~~~ This is one of the smartest things i have invested in and i will get lots and lots of use out of it and it even has a slot form micro SD cards so i can save right to them or play from them also. It is so much nicer than having to change the cassettes and carry extra cassettes. i just carry two extra AAA batteries just in case and the connection cord so that it can be connected to someone's laptop and they can get a copy of the lectures as well.

Friday, February 10, 2012

<---- Does that make sense to you? NO. Okay me either. Now this is just a picture of a Statistical Formula that i found online but the ones in my book do not look much different. i spent 2 hours on the phone the other day with a very dear friend of mine that is great in math and farther along in his schooling than i am. He was explaining to me how to do my problems in a way that i could actually understand them. i am so very very grateful that he is able and willing to do that.

~~~~ Now do not get me wrong i LOVE math i always have but Stats confuse the hell out of me. i mean i get the concepts easily enough but i am having problems following the procedures and getting the correct answers. i know with practice and study things will get easier and make more sense. i am just not used to having to study. Schooling has always come so easy for me that i really have never had to study before and i do not know how to do it.

~~~~ When i was going into high school my mom made me take a summer school course on studying but most of that course was a joke. The only thing i remember about the whole course was reading the book Tuck Everlasting and HATING it. It is not often that i hate a book but that one i do with a passion. It was just bad. Yes, i know a lot of people love that book and it is supposed to be a modern classic but i am sorry it is as bad as The Great Gatsby (another book i can not stand). Back on topic of this paragraph. i had to write an essay about Tuck Everlasting and rate the book. i was honest and said i hated it and would not even give it to fifth graders to read. The teacher was not happy with me because it was her favorite book and she gave it to her eight graders to read. i told her my idea of a good book was To Kill A Mockingbird a book that i read in eight grade and have LOVED ever since.

~~~~ Now if that is the only thing i remember about learning to study for those weeks that i was in that class what does that tell you. Either my grades suck or she did not teach well or i have just never needed to use it. Well far be it from me to say if she was a bad teacher or not because i do not remember but i also very rarely find a bad teacher, my grades do not suck my GPA is a 4.0 i have gotten nothing less than an A in all of my classes. So i guess that means that i have never needed to use the study skills before, and that is the truth. i always do all of my homework and i read all of text books and do all the exercises that they have in the chapters but when it comes to actually studying and make flash cards and things like that i have no clue how to do it or what i am doing. If i have to outline a chapter and write down what i think is important i write a book because to me it is all important or they would not have taken the time to write it all out for us to learn.

~~~~ i spend hours every day doing my school work and reading my chapters and i guess some might call that studying but to me that is just being prepared for class. i do not know how to explain why it is different to me when to others it is studying. But to me studying is re-reading your notes and making flash cards and things like that i those are the things that i do not know how to do.

~~~~~ Okay back onto the topic of Stats as i have gone off on a complete tangent here. i am allowed to use a 3 x 5 index card with notes on both sides as well as my graphing calculator but i am still worried that i am not going to do well on this exam. i really want and need to do well. i want to keep my GPA at a 4.0 i will be very upset if it does not stay that way. But i need to get good grades to get into the OT program that i really want to get into.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

~~~~ i was relaxing at home and trying to fight this horrible cold that i have when i get a phone call from my ex's new fiance saying that i need to come and get Son from his visitation NOW because my ex is flipping his lid over stupid crap and that Son is not safe. Now knowing my ex i do not doubt this for a minute and through on sandals as i do not want to waste a second looking for socks in my drawer and run out of the house with my cell, keys and purse. i do not even grab a coat and as i have said i am fighting a really bad cold.

~~~~ i as i am driving an hour out to my ex's home i talk to a good friend of mine and have them look up the number for the police department out there and text it to me. i try to call my ex's fiance and get no answer on her cell phone. This worries me as i do not know what is going on and what Son may have seen or be seeing or anything like that. i call the number my friend sent me and when someone finally answers the phone all i get is that is the wrong number and that i need to call 911. Well i figured i was not going to waste the time of the police until i knew what was going on and if i needed them. So, i try again to call my ex's fiance and still got no answer. By this time i am now in front of my ex's house. i call there and my ex answers all calm and relaxed. i asked to talk to Son and he put son on the phone. Son told me there were no problems that dad and fiance were fighting and that he had gone outside so that he did not have to deal with but that he wanted to stay at dad's. i asked Son to come outside so that i could see him and he did and was fine and happy so there was nothing that i could. i then talked to my ex on the phone and my ex told me that his fiance was in jail for contempt of court for a failure to appear warrant. .... Okay.

~~~~ my ex is now telling me all kinds of stuff that i am not going to repeat on here but that i am not truly sure that i believe. But he was laughing about it all. Now that really worries me because when my ex acts like that i know there is something that he is trying to hide. i do not know what he is trying to hide and i am not sure i ever will or if i even want to as long as Son is safe.

~~~~ Now that his fiance is in jail for only the gods know how long my ex is going to act like i am his best friend again and be calling me all the time. i am going to hear lies and stories about everything that is going on in his life and if i do not answer my phone there will be nasty voice mails about how i am not letting him talk to his son and so on. If i tell him i can not talk because i am at school or doing homework it will not matter he will keep calling trying to get me to talk to him. Oh and heaven for bid if i even mention a plan with a friend of mine male or female there will be hell to pay.

~~~~ He NEEDS to get it through his head that i am NOT his best friend and i do NOT want to know all the lies about his life. i do NOT care who he thinks he can impress with his lies i know better. He can NOT impress me with his name dropping and games. i know him better than that i and i know who he really does know and does not know and how they truly do not know him. i know his name dropping game and am not impressed by it.

~~~~ i just want him to LEAVE me ALONE. i left him and wanted the divorce and fought for three years to get it. my family does not want anything to do with him no matter what he wants to believe. my family is not going to convince me to get back with him they CAN NOT STAND him any better than i can. my friends are not going to convince me to get back with him no matter how much he harasses them. Not to mention i will NEVER allow myself to even think about getting back with him. i do not need or deserve the abuse from him that i know i would get. He does not know how to treat anyone and only thinks about himself

~~~~ Okay enough with the ranting about all of this. i will not let him make me into the nutcase.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

~~~~ i have been so busy with school and everything. my GPA has been maintained at a 4.0 and i am very proud of that. i worked very very hard for that GPA. This semester i am taking Anatomy & Physiology I, College Algebra, and Beginning Statistics. It may seem like an easier load than last semester but believe me it is not. i will be very busy memorizing all the parts, pieces, and bits of the human body as well as tons of formulas for Statistics. Do not get me wrong i love learning and love school i am by no means complaining just commenting on what i will be doing this semester as well as all the things i need and have to do around the apartment for Son and i.

~~~~ In the time that i have not written on here i been stung by a bee twice more and both of those landed me in the ER for allergic reactions. If i did not mention it on here before i was stung in June on the Left hand while driving. Then in October i was stung again this time on the left wrist and that landed me in the ER because it was getting hard for me to breathe and i was getting dizzy and all that fun stuff. Then again in December. Yes December. i was stung on my left cheek while driving. The hornet was on the collar of my coat and i turn my cheek into it when i was checking to see if any cars were coming. Son ended up missing a day of school because he got to go in the ambulance with me to ER as i was on my way to take him to school. i missed by Biology final and had to ask the hospital to call my school for me and let them know that i would not be able to come in and take the final that day as i was in the ER getting treatments for an allergic reaction to being stung. i did take my final the next day and got an A on it. (Woooo Hooo) i was so worried that i would not because i was still groggy from the allergy medications i had to take as well as the steroids they put me on.

~~~~ On the crafting front i am working on several projects, cross stitch pictures for several friends and family members, crocheting a blanket for myself as well as fingerless gloves, hats and scarves for a very dear friend of mine who is going through radiation for breast cancer. i am also working on some baby blankets for friends and a blanket for Son as well. With school starting again today i will not have as much time for my crafting because of homework and studying as well as housework that i will have to get done. Son is getting to be more independent and wants his time to himself more so my spending so many hours doing the things i need to do will not upset as much. i do want to get back into photography again and am thinking about taking a photography class at school as an elective as well.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

~~~~ i have been in school for a little while now and i am taking a full course load and loving it but i am finding that it takes a lot time to get everything done. Just doing my homework is a full time job in and of itself. Not to mention taking care of the apartment. FLYlady would not be happy with me i have fallen so far off the FLYwagon that i can not even see it any more.

~~~~ Between Biology, Psychology, Sociology, and Math i spend more time with my nose in a text book then i do in a book i want to read for pleasure. Son does help out a little around the apartment but not that much and he is so sick of me doing homework because it means we are not going for our walks when the weather is nice. It seems that every time i am able to go for a walk it is raining here and we can not walk in the rain because neither one of us can afford to get sick.

~~~~ i get up between 6:00 and 6:30 in the morning and study until 7:00 when i have to get Son up for school. Then he and i both get ready for the day and i drive him to school by 7:30. i get back home pack up my school bags and head to school myself where i get there a little early and study before my classes start. At 2:15 in the afternoon i pick Son up from school and we head straight home where we take maybe a 20 minute break before it is homework time. Around 5:30 or 6:00 i take a break and if the weather is nice i go sit outside with a group of ladies from the apartment complex and Son runs around outside with his friends. Then around 7:00 it is time to start dinner and i study while that is cooking. Then it is a break to eat dinner and back to studying. Son gets into his before bed routine of a shower and everything and then lays down in his room to watch netflix and fall asleep around 10:00 and i study until around 2:00 to start it all over again the next day.

~~~~ And now i have wasted enough time on here and need to get back to my studying.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

~~~~ i have not posted in a long time because i have been so busy with school. i took two classes this summer to get started towards my degree. i want to get my PhD in Occupational Physical Therapy and have just started my basics. i took a math class and an English Comp class and just got my grades for both classes. i got A's in both. i am so happy. 16 week classes in 8 weeks 200+ math problems every week and a 3 page essay every other week plus Son to take care of. i have just been really busy.

~~~~ Now i get to try get my apartment cleaned back up and looking decent. Son really did not help much with that and has been at his dad's since July 15th and will not be back until Aug 15th.. It will not take me too long to do i just have to get up and do it before i head to OH for a week with my family. i leave Aug 2 and will be back Aug 10th. i really can not wait to go i am going to be getting together with a lot of my old friends and visiting with them as well as my family. It is going to be a lot of fun.

~~~~ i will get back in just enough time to get Son and i ready for school in the fall. i will be taking 4 classes and that makes me a full time student. Math 108, Biology, Intro to Psych, all at the school and Intro to Soc as an online class. Plus i will be helping Son with his school homework and taking care of him and everything here. i do not think i will have much time for a social life so i guess it is a good thing that my friends all understand that i love them dearly i am just going to be very busy making a better life for Son and myself. i am even encouraging one of my neighbors to go to school and get a degree to help herself and her kids. i told her i would help her study and understand everything that i could. i had a study group this summer for the people in class but only two of them came and i was able to get one of them an A in math and the other i do not know what her final grade was yet but she was having a hard time with the speed. Not the speed of the class but the speed we had to do each problem with so that we got them all done in the time we had to take the test.

~~~~ i am getting a new laptop when i go out to OH as well. One of my brothers is getting it for me as a Christmas / Birthday gift. This laptop is dieing and i do not want to risk using it and having it crash with my online class. i just have to get my new one set up to my network when i get back and i have no idea how to do that. i will have to have my brother or my friend who always works on my computers walk me through it all. It should not be to hard i hope but we will see. i do not do computer stuff well. i love doing crafts and working with pictures but when it come to setting up a computer i have no clue what to do. But that is just me.

~~~~ i am so happy though i finally got an old friend of mine from OH back in my life i lost contact with him 12 years ago when he and i went down to Texas and we have started talking again. We talk almost every day about just about everything and are getting to know each other again. i am really hoping to be able to see him when i go out to OH. i have missed him so much and it is so nice to know that he is doing good in life. He is back in OH and has two kids and a good job and is going to school as well. i am so proud of him. With everything that has happened in his life he is getting it all together and going to school something he swore that he would never do. He made a couple of promises back when we were in OH before we went to Texas and he has kept them too. That really touched me when he told me that. i must admit i have always loved him. i am not in love with him but i have always loved him and he has always meant the world to me and it is great to be hearing his voice again. i really hope i can see him while i am out in OH but we will have to see what happens.

~~~~ i know i am jumping all around in this trying to get it all out as fast as i can so that i can go work on my apartment and that is what i am going to go do now. There is a lot more that i want to say but i do not want to get into the stuff that has me upset and am happy and feeling great today and i want to stay that way.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Thanks you to everyone who has been supportive of her family and keeping Jessica and her family in your prayers. Its such a relief to know that right now she is with the Embassy and we know where she is.