Hello everyone

I'm Holly. My bf of 5 years <Mod Edit: Methods> two weeks ago. He looked me in the face and told me he was going to do it. He had been saying it for 5 years, so I sat inside while he stormed off. After waiting for him to calm down about 15 minutes, I went to go look for him but I didn't walk all the way to the back acre. I knew he wasn't wearing shoes and didn't think he had gone there. I went back inside and waited all bout ten more minutes. I was really worried by then and knew what he had said was true. Even while doing cpr, I knew he was gone. He left me homeless (we were being evicted when he died), penniless (I was a housewife), and lost. I've been staying with his friend who is a single dad, but I feel so awkward and uncomfortable. Only we had 5 pets so it's hard to find someone who will let you bring them all, and I don't want to lose them too. Anyhow I'm coping as best I can, but I'm scared. I'm 42. I had my future planned to be spent with him. Now I don't know what to do...

hello and welcome.
does the friend you are staying with have any practical advice?
maybe sell the pets for money. because it would give you back up money source, i know it is painful though. or have pets stay with different folk while you get back on feet and then get them back,
what job would you consider going into? what qualifications do you have, did you get anything before being with him?