ugh

Hmm 5 minutes ago I felt like killing myself but now I've realized the progress I've made over the past year just by my own efforts and I don't feel so bad.

I still feel a little depressed though because I used to be socially isolated and I severely lack social skills and general confidence that most people my age have naturally. I thought I'd be fine if I just stopped being shy but I've embarrassed myself alot because I put myself into situations that I didn't know what to do in. I think alot of it has to do with how I'm used to balling up my thoughts and emotions and I have a really hard time finding the words to express thoughts and feelings and this has had a huge impact on my life. Even just sitting here writing this is hard. I feel like this is going to make life in the future daunting once I get out there on my own. I feel like just another awkward dude who has nothing in common with anyone and no one will want to get to know.

I'm really shy too. That's why I quit DJing at rave parties. I took a few public speaking classes and that didn't really help either.

How old are you? Maybe just make small talk and work from there. How about making a few friends and also maybe try observing people and gestures to get ideas on normal interaction. Find and talk to people with similar interests and who like the same music / movies / TV / school / sports team / etc. that you do and go from there. Ask other people questions about what school they go to, where they work, etc.

What to talk about? Unfortunately I have this bad habit of talking about myself and forgetting the other person exists. Not sure why I do that, but you should try and talk about the other person more. Still to this day I sometimes say something stupid and awkward. Hope I said something useful.

Hi and welcome...there are many ways you can find support here...I am sure there are ppl who can relate to how you are feeling...hope you see you are not alone and that you have may avenues to interact and exchange here...big hugs, J

Welcome to SF. You'll find a lot of people here who feel the same...like me! My main problem in life has always been low self-esteem (it sounds like that's what you're talking about), along with other issues.

Maybe by talking to us (there are a lot of intersting, caring and intelligent people here) it can help you overcome some of these issues. Also, feel free to send me a private message any time...I respond to all.

Thanks people =] I've made an appointment with my doctor and I'm going to tell her how I've been feeling and see where she refers me to from there. I think medication could really help me, both with depression and social anxiety, which are both impairing me in one way or another.

I've always had a tough time making friends. My parents think I have Asperger's though I've never been officially diagnosed. I've heard that people with Asperger's can learn social skills like normal people learn a skill like playing piano so I'll try to figure out some plan to teach myself these things.