Wednesday, March 30, 2011

What Royal Wedding?

I expect they think it will take our minds off it all. All the recession, cuts, job losses and general misery.

It did work the last time. Or the last major time anyway - I think a few other Royals have got married since, and one or two have even stayed that way, though not many.

But history, as the authors of that worthy tome 1066 and All That pointed out, is what you can remember.

We all remember Charles and Di. "Shy Di" being chased by photographers and photographed in the street, looking shy, and with her back to the light so we could see her legs (shock!) silhouetted against her frock.

And then the wedding. She wanted to look like a "fairytale princess". Why did nobody tell her to be careful what you wish for? Had she never read any fairytales? Most of them have at least a certain element of horror, and so it proved for Diana.

So she wore this huge great meringue of a dress, all frills and ruffles, and the rest - - - well, you know the rest.

So now we have another recession and they are trying to distract us again with more frills and ruffles.

But please, O Great British Public, don't go for it. We've been sucked into it all before. Enough already!

Now then. As part of my work, doing roleplay for the training and assessment of healthcare professionals, I have perfected looking Puzzled and Confused. It's a really helpful emotion to be able to express because doctors and such often aren't clear. If you can do a good Puzzled and Confused, then with a bit of luck they might notice, and explain more clearly.

I have to say (modest cough) that my Puzzled and Confused is very realistic and totally believable.

So I have decided to put this to good use, and I invite you to do the same.

Whenever anyone mentions the royal wedding, what you do is wear your best Puzzled and Confused expression, and say, in tones of quiet incredulity, "What royal wedding?"

I tried it out this morning.

As I packed my shopping after paying at the checkout at the Co-op, a girl was standing on a stepstool putting up bunting.

"Excuse me," I asked innocently, "what's that bunting all about?"

"It's for the Royal Wedding!" she said, as though to an idiot.

I looked at her with my best Puzzled and Confused expression and I have to say I did it very well. I thought for a bit.

"What royal wedding?" I asked, and, leaving her speechless, took my trolley and left.

As I reached the door, I could hear her behind me, telling her colleague in a very loud whisper.

"That woman didn't know about the Royal Wedding!"

Come on, folks. Try it. Tell your friends. These are gloomy times we're living in. Let's not swallow all the hype. And let's have some fun.