Tuesday, April 13, 2010

On the relephance of elephants

For some reason I keep on writing nonsense verse and nonsense stories that include elephants. I have no idea why. One could hardly imagine a creature that is less nonsensical than the elephant. The elephant is hugely significant. Or, at least, hugely huge, which is much the same thing.

A significant elephant.

Here is an elephant, and you can just see for yourself how significant it is. You wouldn't even think of doing ridiculous things with it, like swinging on that conveniently dangly trunk, or batting at those nicely floppy ears. You'd get pulverised beneath the elephantine feet of this elephantine elephant. That would be a pretty significant event in your life, all right.

People also make fun of penguins. This is outrageous and wrong. Here is a penguin:

An important penguin

Penguins are important. Penguins are so important that they are actually born with dinner jackets on. In the case of this important penguin (a very important penguin indeed, with the name of 'The Jackass Penguin'), he happens to have been born with his dinner jacket on, and his dinner spilled down his dinner jacket. That displays excellent foresight.

And then of course there is the frog:

The frog

On this point, I think Hillaire Belloc puts it best:

Be kind and tender to the Frog,And do not call him names,As "Slimy skin," or "Polly-wog,"Or likewise "Ugly James,"Or "Gap-a-grin," or "Toad-gone-wrong,"Or "Bill Bandy-knees":The Frog is justly sensitiveTo epithets like these.No animal will more repayA treatment kind and fair;At least so lonely people sayWho keep a frog (and, by the way,They are extremely rare). Precisely.