The Ring Bearer carries in the Rings;
nagasiva is accompanied to place by Eris;
catherine, guided by Althaea, approaches the altar; and
Althaea releases Eris, who then begins to wander amongst the
celebrants spreading good cheer.

Ken the Minister, Eris the Doggess, nagasiva the Groom, and
Heather, one of the Witnessnes for the Defense, take their places. The
Groom wears a hooded black, red, and purple faux-primitive
pseudo-woollen shamanic robe bordered with archaeo-Nordic
geometrics woven along the bottom and a circular Chinese dragon
on the back. His beard is plaited in nine scorpionic braids
terminating in silver jingle-bells
and he carries a wintry
scepter-bouquet of curly willow twigs and black silk flowers
(hair by catherine; flowers by June). Eris' retro-fluff coiffure by
Shampoodle of Santa Rosa; her classic black nylon leash and
steel choke-collar by Frizelle-Enos Feed Store
of Sebastopol.

You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used
against you in a court of law.
You have the right to talk to an attorney
before answering any questions.
You have the right to have your attorney
present during the questioning.
If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be
appointed for you without cost, before or
during questioning, if you desire.
Do you understand these rights?

(catherine & nagasiva, in unison)

We do.

Ministers call upon Heather and D.J., the Witnesses for the
Defense, to sign the appropriate spaces in the Marriage
License.

(Ministers:)
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today
in the sight of gods, spirits, ghosts, demons,
fishes, puppies, and kitties to witness the
giving and receiving of the marriage vows of
catherine and nagasiva.

(The Ministers speak briefly about Marriage,
in their own words and from their own experience)

(Ken to nagasiva:)
nagasiva, do you take this woman catherine
to be your lawfully wedded wife, the living
embodiment of Kali, the Final Prophet, and
the Wish-Fulfilling Quim, to have and to
hold, in sickness and in health, for richer
or for poorer, to stand with her in the face
of adversity and bask together with her in
the light of good fortune?

catherine, do you take this man nagasiva
to be your lawfully wedded husband, the
living embodiment of Siva, the Chosen One,
and the Wonder -Working Phallus, to have
and to hold, in sickness and in health, for
richer or for poorer, to stand with him in
the face of adversity and bask together
with him in the light of good fortune?

Ariel brings forth the Rings and presents the yellow-gold Ring to nagasiva

(Ken:)

nagasiva, take this ring, and place it
on your bride's finger, and state your
pledge to her, repeating after me:

With this ring,

(nagasiva:)

With this ring,

(Ken:)

I thee wed,

(nagasiva:)

I thee wed,

(Ken:)

a sign of my constant faith,

(nagasiva:)

a sign of my constant faith,

(Ken:)

and abiding love.

(nagasiva:)

and abiding love.

Ken and Ariel stand by as catherine prepares to place the Ring on nagasiva's finger. As can be seen, the Couple
is already fairly heavily invested with Rings; also visible
in this picture are the Bride's silver and mother-of pearl Sun-and-Moon motif
engagement ring (symbolizing the astrological link between
her Sun and nagasiva's Moon, which are conjunct in the sign of Taurus)
and her primitive silver Nepalese lapis lazuli and red coral ring
and the Groom's Nepalese turquoise ring and his blue glass All-Seeing Eye ring (an apotropaic charm
against the evil eye).

Ariel presents the white-gold Ring to catherine.

(Carla:)

catherine, take this ring, and place it
on your groom's finger, and state your
pledge to him, repeating after me:

With this ring,

(catherine:)

With this ring,

(Carla:)

I thee wed,

(catherine:)

I thee wed,

(Carla:)

a sign of my constant faith,

(catherine:)

a sign of my constant faith,

(Carla:)

and abiding love.

(catherine:)

and abiding love.

(Ken and Carla in unison and carefully timed!:)

By the authority vested in us by the State
of California, we now pronounce you husband
and wife. May your affectionate kiss spread
throughout the world as the Great Odometer
in the Sky shuffles off the last of 1999!

Having collaborated on the writing of the ceremony, the
Bride and Groom know what is coming next and they can scarcely
restrain themselves as the moment of State Approval and
Odometer Shuffling approaches.

The Flower Girl and Usher hand out muslin bags of White Rice
and Red Beans as June leads
the Auld Lang Syne Singing Sword-Bearers -- Rory, Ellen,
Laura, Althaea, and Ariel -- to form an arch outside the
Chapel of Love. The rest of the singing horde tromps after
the Sword-Bearers while the Newlyweds ready themselves for
departure. The Ministers gently herd the Doggess and other
stragglers out of the Chapel.

The White Rice and Red Beans are packaged in small muslin bags and bear the following informative legend:

WHITE RICE is a traditional offering to couples who are
being married. Rice symbolizes a full larder and enhances
the wedded couple's potential for fertility, both physical
and spiritual. Contrary to urban legend, uncooked rice is
not harmful to wild birds, but is a good source of the
carbohydrates they need to keep warm on cold winter nights.

RED BEANS
are a traditional symbol of good luck and prosperity for the
New Year. In Japan, priests in rural Shinto and Kami temples
clap their hands and bow three times, then throw handfuls of
uncooked red beans onto their parishioners on New Years' Day
to ensure prosperity in the coming months. In Northern
Europe and America edible beans of various types form the
basis of cooked dishes like Hopping John that are served at
New Years' Eve celebrations such as Hoggamany or First
Footing.

Holly pelts The Newlyweds with White Rice and Red Beans, symbols
of a happy marriage and a happy New Year.

The crowd shifts inside, initiating and/or
continuing toasts to the New Year, statements
of resolutions, etc. as the Happy Couple
embarks on a journey in the dark, processing
around the building.

The Newlyweds eventually arrive at the Front Door, where
they ring the bell and are admitted by Valerie, who offers
them a very large chalice of champagne.

In a scene adapted from Tod Browning's film "Freaks, " all
the Married Couples who are present accept the Bride and
Groom as a Wedded Pair, Ken and Carla Selfridge and June and Valerie Delane accept
catherine as their sister-in-law, Ariel accepts catherine as her Aunt, and Althaea Yronwode
accepts the former tyagi nagasiva as nagasiva bryan w yronwode, The Fourth Singing Yronwode.

(June
and Valerie, holding up the chalice of champagne, proclaim
in unison:)

We'll make them one of us!

A loving cup!
A loving cup!

As Valerie and June drink from the Loving Cup, Althaea
leads the guests to begin the chanting:

We accept them -- one of us!
We accept them -- one of us!

The Loving Cup is passed among the guests as they continue to chant and drink:

Gooble Gobble!
Gooble Gobble!
We accept them!
We accept them!

Gooble Gobble!
Gooble Gobble!
One of us!
One of us!

June presents the Loving Cup to her Grandfather Tate; Ken R.
(one of The Three Kens at the wedding) stands in the
background.

The above two verses are chanted over
and over until all the guests have
drunk from the chalice, then it is passed to the Happy Couple, who attempt to finish it off
as a general cheer seals the moment.

Relative body size and genetic differences in the way people of various
ethnicities metabolize alcohol help determine how much
champagne any given
Newlywed will likely consume; 5'3" Ashkenazy-Jewish catherine gamely imbibes a single ceremonial
sip; 6'4" Anglo-Norwegian nagasiva enjoys prolonged quaffing.

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