Conquer Overeating During the Holidays - Page 2

The first is that if you remember past holidays as perfect and glorious, most likely your brain has chosen to retain the Disney version of events rather than the truth of what really happened. Which is this: During the holidays, someone's feelings always get hurt, someone ends up with a cheap necklace instead of a beautiful amethyst ring, someone walks out in a huff. There is no such thing as an all-good season. We're imperfect beings and mistakes are made.

Don't try for perfection. Do the best you can within your limits and let the rest take care of itself. Despite the voice that tells you otherwise, you are not in control of the immediate universe. And since you can't achieve world domination, maybe you should try to control what you can control, which is what you eat.

My second thought is that you might ask yourself what you want now. If the answer is that you want long arms so that you can grab all the cookies or that you want to hide the plum pudding in your bedroom so you can eat it all before bed tonight, you know that the child in you is directing the show. That child is opening your mouth, putting the food in, grabbing for more.

Take a moment, take 15 moments, and write down some notes about your ideal holiday. Mention people's names and particular things you want to give (and what you'd like to receive). Name the foods you want to have. Now, read over your words and notice where you got those ideas. Are they the longings of a lonely child or of a satisfied adult? Do they resemble feelings you had the year your mother died or the year you got divorced or had your first child?

Notice if what you want now, from this holiday, has to do with this year, or does it relate to a holiday celebration that happened  or that you wish had happened  20 years ago. Ask yourself if this vision is relevant to your life and desires now. Allow yourself to hear the child in your longing, if she is there. And if your longing is really a child's longing, be tender with that child. But don't confuse her with your adult self.

If, for instance, you find yourself alone one day of the holidays, it doesn't have to mean you are unlovable. A child might equate being alone with being lonely, but you don't have to see it that way. You can be alone and still be aware of the love that is around and in you.

If you are surrounded by people on the holiday, notice their faces, their laughter, their idiosyncrasies, but then also be conscious that you, the adult, may need to take care of yourself in ways that you normally don't when guests are around. You might need to take a walk or a nap. Or push away the last piece of cake. Or not automatically give that last piece away if you really want it.

Holidays can be illuminated, tender, horrible, painful, fragile, glorious times because they exaggerate our longings, our love, our generosity, and our selfishness  and they evoke dreamy dreams of angels and peace and miracles. But if we are aware that the holidays, like life, are often more messy than magical, and if we can combine our childlike longings with the tenderness and power of our adult selves, then we are more likely to ride through this season with a measure of grace in our lives and ease in our bodies. And that's what I call a mini miracle.

Geneen Roth is an international teacher, speaker, and writer of best-selling books on emotional eating. You can visit her at geneenroth.com.

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