Is Your Kid a Bully on the Court

You know, we homeschool and I never really thought we would have to deal with a bullying situation. At least I hoped we wouldn’t. BUT, IT HAPPENED. There was a bully on the basketball court.

A Bully on the Basketball Court

The 1st time it happened I pretty much shrugged it off. The boy wasn’t really talking smak to my son, but he was doing a lot of pushing and elbowing. Since they were playing basketball, I told my son “maybe that’s just how he plays.” “Maybe he’s just a little too aggressive on the court?” I asked if there were fouls called (figuring if the refs thought it was rough they would call a foul) Right?!

At the time my son was pretty sure this kid was doing it on purpose. I told him we would keep a close eye on it (him) and if anything else happened tell us right away. Meanwhile my husband is the coach and I’m sitting in the stands watching the games. The thing is you can’t really hear what is being said on the court.

Two weeks later it happened… The bully was back. Now honestly I hate to call this kid a name (bully) because that’s just not the type of people that we are. BUT did he really just walk over with a friend, stand in front of MY son and start pointing and whispering. Yes, he did and that was before the game even started.

During the game he proceeded to make rude remarks… When my son was at the free throw line “Hey, where’d you get your shoes… WALMART?” snicker snicker snicker ( laughing in his hands). My son just gave him a weird look and banked both shots 😉

Later it was “Are those shorts or a skirt you’re wearing?” More grabbing and pulling on his (my sons) shirt and tripping him during the game. Not in the normal basketball hand holding shirt way. In the end it was a lot of constant harassment from this kid on the court and my son was the one being bullied.

Unfortunately, we didn’t hear the actual verbal details until we got into the car heading home. My first reaction…

This kid doesn’t want to mess with MY KID.

Does HE know who he’s messing with?

What is wrong with some kids? Who are his Parents?

Now there is One Game Left in the season. What do you do?

Contact the head of the Basketball Dept. for this league? Let it go and hope (although you know he will continue to do it to someone else) we don’t see him again? Tell the kids coach what he’s doing (doubt that will do anything since it’s going to be the last game)? I know I plan on saying something. I have to guess that my son isn’t his only victim and hopefully by stepping up and saying something it helps him to change and realize what he is doing is very wrong.

It’s sad to think that this is already happening with 10 and 11 year olds.

Comments

My son is 7 and sadly, he has been bullied. The sad part is, it is by “friends”. We homeschool. During a ladie’s bible study, all the kids played outside together while the mom’s stayed inside discussing the bible. Afterwards, my little, quiet, sweet son told me that one of the boys kept pushing him and blowing on his face. The bully told my son “if you get off the swing and let so-and-so have the swing, I promise i’ll pick you to be on my team” so my son got off the swing because he likes this mean kid (why!) and wanted to be picked on my team. As soon as he got off the swing, the bully laughed and said “ha ha I was lying!” My son told me “mommy, a promise is a promise, I can’t believe he broke his promise”. Then they teased him that he was a lower ranking color karate belt than they were. I mean, seriously? These kids are ages 7-10. We all homeschool together. The mom is my friend and would die if she knew. We have to hang out with them all the time. But I feel like I can’t tell her because I’m afraid she’ll be defensive. I’m stuck. Bullying is so, so, so sad. I don’t know what to do.

We use the phrase from a song in the movie Frozen, “People make bad choices if they’re mad or scared or stressed,” to explain bullying to our kiddos. Because in almost all cases, the bully is one of those things and is trying to make himself feel better through bullying. In our home we have the unique situation where one of our own children is the bully (and we homeschool too). As we’ve tried to teach our children how to respond, we had help from our developmental pediatrician to set up a plan.
1. Respond to the bully verbally, asking them to go away, leave you alone etc.
2. Move yourself away from the situation when possible.
3. Report to an adult if one is present.
3. Defend yourself if needed, then immediately report to an adult.

I still cringe when I read these steps, but I know that it’s important to keep all of my children safe, especially with a child who can and does inflict harm on others in a variety of ways. I’ve learned that I can’t be there to protect my children every moment of every day and ultimately they need to learn how to cope with these situations themselves in the ways they are able.

Also a few things we’ve learned along the way in our own situation, because we definitely have been there, sadly with one of our own kids being the bully and the other being the victim.

We’ve had to teach our kids that when bullies see their victims reacting in the ways they want them to, they will continue to bully, because it fuels the fire. That’s an absolutely horrible thing to have to teach, but we’ve had to to do it.

Second, document everything. You mentioned reporting the incident. Report it, because the more documentation that builds up over time if this child continues to bully the better. Even if your child is the first victim, there will be more. When the incidents are documented and reported to the proper people, they are able to make a case in the future if necessary. This protects you as the parent, your child, and any others, because ultimately the decision will be made by those in charge.

Third, give the parents of the bully the benefit of the doubt. You truly never know what their situation is. You don’t know how hard they’ve tried to help their children. You don’t know what disabilities the child may have that may not be visible to the eye. You don’t know their past, or anything about them. We’ve worked so hard to teach our children compassion, to pray for those that hurt them, etc. There is so much that we don’t have control over in this world.

Hugs! Sorry I wrote a book. Lol. This is just a subject that is so near and dear to my heart, because of my children. I think you’re doing an awesome job!