BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:Latest word is “Survivor III” will take place in Africa, in the often war-torn Congo (either that or Vancouver during a transit strike) . . . Pamela Anderson and new boyfriend Michael Bolton are teaming up to launch a ‘charity bikini golf tournament’ (he promises to comb his back before teeing off) . . . Who’s the most overpaid – Mariah Carey’s much ballyhooed ‘biggest recording contract of all time’, $25 million per album with Virgin Records, is the same money Texas Ranger Alex Rodriguez (‘A-Rod’) gets per MLB season and Julia Roberts gets per movie . . . Spoof heavy metal band Spinal Tap will hit the road later THIS YEAR for a reunion tour of North America, their first gigs since 1993.

NO SKIPPING ALLOWED:YESTERDAY a school in Singapore began using mobile phone text messages to automatically notify parents that their children are missing from classes. Names of absentees are placed in an electronic database which the Short Message Service (SMS) uses to contact parents. (Who then beep their kids on their pagers telling them to haul ass back to class.)NEW “CLEO” MAGAZINE POLL:Here’s a wacky new poll worth trying on your listeners. Winners in the magazine version are in brackets.
• “Whose fame is hardest to explain? [Eminem]
• “Which newlywed Hollywood couple is most likely to succeed?” [Brad Pitt & Jennifer Aniston]
• “Which newlywed Hollywood couple is most likely doomed?” [Angelina Jolie & Billy Bob Thornton]
• “Which TV character would you most like to spontaneously combust?” [‘Ally McBeal’]

HAIRS TO YA!UK women are the most hair-free in Europe, according to a new poll. 80% of British women say they regularly shave legs and underarms. Austria, on the other hand, has Europe’s hairiest women, with only 38% shaving. (And 47% braiding.)

I KEEP HEARING SOMEONE CHANTING ‘LOSER!’:In his new book “Disembodied Voices”, author Rodney Davies claims that hearing voices is common and not always a sign of madness — most people are just afraid to admit they hear them. Makes you wonder – instead of buying the book, can you just have a voice read it to you? (I have so many voices in my head, I have ‘Voice Waiting’.)

EQUAL OPPORTUNITY:Reports say that in just one day, a single store sold 60,000 bottles of the new concoction ‘Niagara’, dubbed ‘Viagra’ for women. (And coming soon for those who swing both ways — ‘Biagra’!)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .• TODAY is “National Hug a Newsman Day”. (Tomorrow is ‘People Will Talk Day’.)
• TODAY is “Thank You, School Librarian Day”. (But shhhh! – say it quietly!)
• TODAY is “Ballroom Dancing Day”. (Honoring what may be the next new Olympic sport!)

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS INTERVIEW:
Wisconsin farmer Paul Springer deals in deformed animals with extra limbs and heads, selling them to circuses, freak shows and other farmers. He’s owned a 6-legged calf, several 2-headed calves, a ram with a hoof growing from its side and a donkey with 1 head and 2 bodies. But he has standards — he’ll only buy animals that are not in pain, and they can’t be “gruesome”.
PHONER: 608-623-2691 (Mineral Point WI)

TRUTH OR BS:• ‘Arachibutyrophobia’ is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. (True!)
• There are 36 dimples on a regulation golf ball. (BS. There are THREE HUNDRED and 36.)
• In Bavaria beer is not an ‘alcoholic drink’, but legally defined as a ‘staple food’. (True! And in Australia it’s a religion.)
• If ‘Barbie’ doll was a real woman, she’d have to walk on all fours due to her proportions. (True!)
• One-third of the average human brain is water. (BS. It’s actually closer to 80%!)
• Ireland is the country which consumes the most milk per capita. (True, 164 quarts per person per year. Of course, when you say ‘milk’ in Gaelic, it comes out sounding like ‘Guinness’.)

BS TAG LINE: A pessimist complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.