The Secret Pleasures of Weed and Chopsticks

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Eating food with chopsticks is like an eight out of 10 on the utensil difficulty scale. The dexterity and coordination required to convey food from the plate to my open mouth is a feat I once believed was best left to the steady hands of a surgeon. But once mastered, chopsticks can be the single most useful piece of ancient technology you'll ever own. Their place at the table and in the kitchen is only the beginning of their magnificent utility, and as a cannabis consumer, they have turned my half-baked snacking routine into an exercise in motor skill mastery.

Here are a few foods I recommend eating with chopsticks after (or while) enjoying fine cannabis products of your choosing.

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Chips

These types of chips are often covered in flavor powder or are greasy and fried (and delicious!). But by snatching these crunchy devils up with a pair of chopsticks, the residual flavoring that would have ended up on your fingertips (and subsequently everything you touched afterward) now ends up in your mouth.

Fruity candy

Fruity candy made this list because fruity candy makes up a third of the blocks in my food pyramid. Also, while doing "research" for this article, I noticed a dramatic decrease in the speed at which I could demolish a haul of candy simply through the use of chopsticks. Cannabis can antagonize a sweet tooth (or savory tooth) and chopsticks might not stop you from eating a pound of sweets, but they might help you stretch it just a little further.

Chocolate candy

Examples: Reese's Pieces, Whoppers, Heath bar

Chocolate candy tends to melt in your hand and in your mouth, and on the TV remote and possibly in your beard. That last part may come from personal experience, but regardless, chocolate melts when it encounters heat. Enter cold, lifeless chopsticks. Problem solved. Enough said.

Holiday favorites: If you happen to be the lucky recipient of a holiday sweets tray with English toffee, miniature cookies, peanut brittle, and so on, turn to your trusty chopsticks for a mostly mess-free way to nibble.

Popcorn

Popcorn should be a staple in any muncher's go-to snack cabinet. It's relatively healthy (healthier than fruity candy, anyway -- give me a break, OK?) and contains a solid amount of fiber. You can also fancy up popcorn in a ton of different ways, spanning the sweet and the savory. And now, what was once a butter-smeared video-game controller is now your mess-free picture of technological pan-Asian sophistication.

In a pinch: Chopsticks are usually made of wood, but if you are in desperate need of some roach clips, a pair of chopsticks will more or less fit the bill.

Lastly, as you contemplate whether you have earned the title of Chopstick Snack Master, first consider whether you have the perfect pair of chopsticks. While I enjoy the raw, classic aesthetic of splintering takeout chopsticks, I now know there is a rainbow of chopstick styles and colors available at certain Asian grocery stores. As a cannabis consumer I love to personalize my glass, my torch, my dabber, and pretty much everything else related to my consumption of cannabis. Why should my chopsticks be any different?

Fun fact: Using chopsticks correctly is a sign of good breeding. The closer to the top they are held, the more gracious and glamorous your eating style!