It turned out pretty good. I like the cover. I'll let you know what it's like on Saturday. My first copy arrives. You can get t-shirts and buttonshere.

If anyone would like to help me out, by putting a picture of Golden Ashtray on your blog template or website, simply email, and I'll give you the html.

(I will insert it as a post, when I can figure out how to make it look like html.)

Also, it would be great, if anybody who gets Ashtray, can write a comment about it. Just send it to me. I'll put it up. piroozkalayeh@gmail.com.

Let me know if you do, I will list those who were the initial helpers in future editions of the book, and with permanent glowing links here i.e. "Golden Ashtray Patrons and Supporters"--along with a return when your books mags come out on lulu, etc...

Is anyone in blog land?

Oh, yes. And congrats to Dylan. Have fun, my man. Good material for a book, eh? "My Year as a Reality Star"

Went to the 711 tonight. Mad headache. I had to get some vitamin water something. I get the water and go to swipe the debit. You know the dilly, when I'm stopped by 30 Mardis Gras necklaces on the swiper.

Guy behind the counter yanks them down.

"It's crazy, you know," he tells me. "They give these money to all those people to get a house, and we don't even have a house. I work everyday. I have to rent a house. If I don't work, I am on the street."

"I hear you," I say slowly.

"You take care," he nods. "You have a goodnight."

I leave the store.

***

Found out there are poets in need. This makes me upset to no end. I cannot understand the craziness artists are willing to go through before they ask for help. It made me want to punch someone when I heard the story. I didn't do that though. I am going to start a personal fund drive from now on. It is strictly for artists. If anyone ever wants to put money my way, that's where it goes. If I hear that an artist doesn't have the proper equipment, or needs some extra money, I am going to give it to them.

For an artist (that goes for artists of all ages) to not have the basic necessities is so unacceptable. So unacceptable. I will start the savings account this weekend. I will build it throughout my life.

If I make any money in this life, let me help my beautiful artist friends out there. They do enough for the world. It's time they were repaid with some wonderful grants, money, and possibilities.

Hear me spirit. I will make this happen in a major way by 2012, if not sooner.

***

I read Stacy Elaine's post entitled "Cancer." Then I heard today of a friend with Crohn's disease. I would like to help. Has anyone out there heard of alternative treatments to Cancer, Crohn's Disease, and other incurable illnesses? Please share what you know here. I will pass on the information to my great friends.

A very American roster. In fact I bought some new sneaks over the weekend. Filas that are red, white, and blue. I got comments on them all day today. My haircut too. This was my favorite exchange.

"Nice shoes," Jeff says.

"Thanks," I say.

"Very patriotic," he says.

"Yeah," I say, and laugh.

***

This brings me to my last bit of news. I got the Permanent Alien card in the mail early in the week. And yesterday they called to set-up my interview for citizenship. I was supposed to be in Buffalo yesterday, but it looks like I can get it scheduled here in L.A. very soon.

Now those shoes seem rather poignant, eh? You better believe it, Yankee Doodle. I'm an American.

So after 4 days of coughing shit up, I think I am ready to venture out into the world. To celebrate feeling slightly better, I gave myself a faux hawk today. Well half of one. At least that's what my brother told me.

That totally cracked me up. Then I had to see the thing for myself. I mean I cut that hair, but I didn't really pay attention to what I was doing. He says I got a mullet, but it doesn't look that bad to me. Yeah, there are some bald spots, but big whoop. That's character, right?

Anyway, I'm celebrating. I will go back to work tomorrow. I don't have much of an appetite right now, and I'm as pale as a Saltine, but pekidness will do for another day at the WG.

***

In other news, I have been working on poetry lately. I am writing love poems. I hope I'll have a book of these by the beginning of June. Here was the latest.

I will try and write another tonight. Maybe. I'm still a bit wiped. I might just watch 2001: Space Odyssey, and these old NASA documentaries I got from Netflix.

What else? Yes, I did talk to Paiman and Jenny. She was glowing, and he was all Gilbert from Anne of Avonlea bashful. The ring was beatiful. Nice and blinding, with a little bling bling and a hello mama! It'll be cool now to have a sister. I have not had one before. Now I will have two. It looks like the other brother has found a soulmate as well. Her name is Letecia, and she's from Brooklyn, and we've talked on the phone, and she seems really sweet. Panauh leaves on Friday to meet her parents, and convince them that he is an A-Okay guy, so that Letecia will have her parents' blessing to come live with him.

Now this means I will have the both of them in the apartment with me. It will be great fun. I am sure. It's like the one who knows says, "The person you live with, is the one you learn from." Speaking of the one who knows, I don't really know if she really does. I will go meet her next Saturday. I am pretty excited for that.

I am not excited about the car though. It looks like "White Girl" (what JP and Paiman call her) has busted a thermostat again. I had to pull off the 101 and throw a bottled water on her. The mechanic thought I was crazy. He almost spit on me.

"Don't do that," he said.

"Okay," I said.

"And move your car to the side, you're blocking my pump."

"Okay," I said, and then I did. I moved it right out of his lot and back home. I will find someone a little less pushy to fix "white girl."

***

Well, that's it for me. I've done more comics. I've got some interviews to post. I am moving slowly back into the thump of things. Thank you for your kind words. They really did help. It pulled me from the brink. No joke. In fact, I wrote a song of thanks it goes like this...

PS. Has anyone checked out Allison Stine? I love her writing and her blog. She is fantastic. A real jewel. So much HEART.

PSS. If I offended anyone with the song by not talking about them, or saying the word 'Asians' believe me I meant it! No, just kidding. It was on the fly. I just picked up the bass and sang. I have half the mind to put everyone in there, but then it would be too much effort. Let me make it easy by saying an extra special thank to Mary Rachel and JP. I will do an improv for you tomorrow--JP yours might have to wait until the next day, because when I start singing to Southern women I get crazy. It's something about them. Idon't know. Ah, no, I do. I'm a sucker for accents. Believe it. Only accented women need to be on the radio. I would buy every product. And if they're Southern, dear God have mercy, because I will pull over and get me whatever it is they want me to get...

Woman with Southern Accent: (Over Radio) Pirooz, buy a pinstripe suit. Put it on. Take me out to dinner.TU and ZI to MCU of Pirooz's eyebrows. They are furrowed. He tries to resist. He looks to his left.PL to MS--Woolworth's.Cut to: MCU--Pirooz's eyebrows. They relax. He has stopped the car. He is buying the pinstripe.

Anyway, I've got work to do. I could keep this going, but it seems a fantasy that will be better left to my dreams. Adios amigos. Shasta your pasta, P.

Okay hold on...

Just a wee bit more...

TU to a SIGN.It reads: 50% off Pinstripes.

Pirooz races down Aisle 7. Aisle 9. He shimmies up to Aisle 11 and cartwheels into a backflip and lands feet first into a pinstripe held by none other, than Miss Emmy Lou Hawkins. (She recently joined Woolworth's after a freakish accident with squirrels. She almost lost her entire bottom lip.)

Emmy Lou: I'm lucky there was a doctor around.Pirooz: (overly dramatic) You don't mean--Emmy Lou: Yes, my cousin Shenanaw. She was walking by, and took care of me real good.

Okay, dude, stop! This is getting ridiculous. Where is this going? Now you're going to piss people off who've got Southern Accents. Just let it go.

-Yeah, well, he's right. I got to listen to the body. That's what got me sick in the first place...

Pirooz holds her in his arms. He kisses her. She tells him lots of other things in an accent. It doesn't matter what she says. Who cares if she doesn't have any lips, because of that squirrel. Pirooz is happy. Emmy Lou is happy. And my body is happy. I am not sick, and I am going to watch 2001 for about, oh, 30 seconds.

I am so sick. It's not even funny. I think I might have pneumonia. I'm not sure. I will wait until tomorrow to see if it is hospital bad. Very strange to be sick. Very strange for it to rain all day in Los Angeles.

In brighter news, my brother, Paiman, got engaged! Great news. I wish him and Jenny the very best. I have not talked to him to find out when the wedding is, but I will get pictures and all.

Now I battle the sickness. I am downing a bottle of NyQuil. I am also digging these Tylenol Colds. I am putting everything into my system. Just trying to flush this bugger out.

Why is this happening? Why am I sick? It's obvious isn't it? A part of me is dying away. And an even bigger truth, I am already dead.

Yes, I am the Do Do.

I wonder if this is how artists go. No health insurance. A seedy apartment. Books everywhere. Papers on the floor. A mild cold that blooms into something all powerful. A sadness to not be able to create. And thus, the sickness gets worse.

Here is me reading the beginning of THE WHOPPER STRATEGIES. I recorded it for Perry and them boys at Ellipses. I did it in this real weird voice. Then I was like, "Okay" and sent it. I am big into doing things on the fly and improv and what not, so I guess this will do. It is very strange to me though.

Of course, not as strange as being sick. Why am I sick? Someone read my palm. Somebody else check my pulse. For Godsakes is there a doctor in the house. Someone kiss me. I'm dying.

In order to store audio, video, images, or books, there is a wonderful site known as OurMedia. It is a non-profit that allows you to store everything to their database, and provides you url's, so that you are able to post onto blogs. This has been my way to post material, and it is very easy to set-up.

For those of you that are looking for options outside of flikr or audioblogger, this may be the route you're looking for. I have no idea. I have gone with this because it was easy. Maybe, it will be for you too.

On the same site (FreeVlog), they explain how to set-up an ourmedia account. Hit the picture on the right to access that.

Once you access OurMedia it is self-explanatory. Upload to whatever format you want, and then within a few minutes, OurMedia will provide a url that you can use to post to your site.

The other option for audio posting is audioblogger. I don't know all the details for it, but I have used it. Simply fill out the free sign-up sheet, and then start posting directly from your phone.

As far as pod casting, this is something I am interested in, but since I have yet to own this wonderful technology, I would suggest going to the itunes site, where you can find a detailed account on how to create podcasts that are available on itunes as well as your blogs.

Click here to learn how to create podcasts if you have a pc. Click here if you are a mac user. Itunes also has tutorials on how to create video pod casts for all you filmmakers, etc..

Hope this is helpful,

Pirooz

P.S. For those of you who find the above easy, check out the blogger hacks made available by blogger. They will allow you to create book format blogs, like I have created at the STRATEGIES blog, or even how to make nice categories for your posts and archives. There are also lots of other interesting things you can do to change how you want your blog to operate and feel.

"...Love is a good thing to ponder. It is a lot like the wind. There isn't much to it. Except if it's a twister, then it can blow you down. I know. I've seen it happen to corn. I figure I'm not that much different from corn. You get me hot enough and I can pop..."