Free-spending
baby boomers "laughed at their parents for keeping
the old house on Main Street, for not going out much,
for not buying Internet stocks," he said.

Now,
those free spenders are trapped with the debt of expensive
cars, big mortgages and other excesses. And they're
hovering like buzzards, counting on an inheritance
to bail them out, especially with their financial
futures being sucked up by the stock market.

With
inheritance taking on greater importance, he believes
that more families are at risk of being torn apart
in battles over who gets what. And it doesn't have
to be.

With
estate planning, "everybody's concerned with
how to save tax, how to save tax," Kotzer said,
"but nobody's telling them how to save families."

So
he's trying. (The book can be ordered at 1-888-965-1500
or www.familyfight.com.)

Realize,
he said, that siblings don't fight just over the will.
Fights also erupt when a parent becomes incapacitated.

Some
people wrongly assume that the wishes spelled out
in their wills go into effect when they are unable
to care for themselves. It doesn't. Only in death.
Which is why, along with a will, parents need to name
a power of attorney to handle their financial and
medical affairs.

It
can be a family member. It doesn't have to be. But
make it someone you trust.

Don't
do a homemade will. Too many folks just fill out a
generic will printed off the computer and consider
it done. You need a pro to handle the specifics.

"One
word can ruin your family," Kotzer said.

Suppose
your homemade will spells out that Susie gets all
your antiques and Johnny gets the rest of your personal
items. As they begin to take possession, they get
to the old grandfather clock in the den. Is it an
antique or not?

"Or
you leave your piano to your son in California. Who
pays the freight for that? I've seen battles over
that," he said.

Don't
assume goodwill between your children. You see them
laughing over Thanksgiving dinner. You can't imagine
them ever fighting over your final wishes. Don't be
naive.

Don't
base your estate planning on your children having
long-term marriages. Suppose you name your daughter-in-law
as executor of the will, then their marriage crumbles.
It doesn't get any uglier than that.

"Plan
based on the terrible assumption that your children's
marriages may not be permanent," he advised.

Don't
plan your will in a second marriage the same way you
would plan one in a first marriage. Blended families
create some obvious complex issues.

"Don't
assume that your second spouse is going to look after
your children from your first marriage," he said.

Constantly
review your will. Suppose you plan to leave your baseball
card collection to your son and something of equal
value to your daughter. Ten years later, the value
of each item could have changed dramatically, creating
an unintended imbalance. Revisit and adjust.