Over-by-over: afternoon session

Preamble Afternoon all. It's going to be a draw, isn't it? So let's talk about the future. "Monty now has a better batting average than both Harmy and Hoggy and, after yesterday's great catch, surely it's time for the critics to shut up and finally put Giles out to pasture," says Kevin Lister. Is the wrong answer. All of you who want an attack of Flintoff, Hoggard, Harmison, Anderson and Panesar -repeat after me, and in fact write 100 lines so that you'll never learn never to spout such nonsense again: WE CANNOT GO DOWN UNDER WITH MATTHEW HOGGARD AT NO8. Now, I'm all for keeping Panesar ahead of Giles - he is obviously superior - but, as Duncan Fletcher (funnily enough) is fond of saying, those who are going to make sweeping statements need to also propose a solution. And it all comes down to this: if Panesar plays, who is going to bat No8? Even the most cursory research of Ashes series over the past 10 years will show that perhaps the most significant factor is runs scored by Nos 7-11. And while we must be aware Croft/Salisbury syndrome - picking a spinner who takes no wickets but will dig in and make runs - we simply cannot go to Australia without a decent No8. If we find one, then I'm all for Panesar ahead of Giles. But who? Mark Ealham? Keyser Soze? Leyland Palmer? Larry David? Alan Smithee? Exactly. Next!

The way we work "Just wondering how an OBO professional limbers up before start of play," says Ben Waterhouse, with a novel take on the word 'professional'. "A few finger stretches? A couple of practice sprints from keyboard to kitchen? Thirty seconds of high-speed mouse manipulation? I think we should be told." Well, as you can imagine, everyone has their own superstitions: Booth likes to bounce in on his toes, shadowboxing an increasingly horrified GU Travel desk, before leaning back on his chair to be drip-fed freshly squeezed zi- sorry orange juice by a harem of buxom beauties and easing into his chair; Ingle usually parachutes in through the crack in the roof, wearing nothing but a pair of Steve McClaren retro hot pants, beating his chest with demented zeal before announcing that "the big man's back in town". I do 54 consecutive Peter Beagrie handstands, synchronising it perfectly so that the last one eases into me into the chair, while listening to Snow's seminal 1993 ballad 'Informer'. In other news, the players are back on.

Ingle's computer crashes Air turns blue at GU Towers.

Full story to follow.

33rd over: England 128-0 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Trescothick Of The Last Chance Saloon 54, Strauss 57) Some technical problems for Umar Gul too, who bowled 174 no-balls in that over. Apologies for the computer problems, incidentally: as we type/read, various techies are being punished via the soft kiss of gimp mask on flesh. "You sound like a man who knows nothing about fashion, Smyth," says Peter Ball. "So here's a question for you and your, a-hem, discerning readers: what do you think the next fashion innovation will be?" Odd trainers. Fact. Some of us are on it already, albeit only in a recurring and vaguely unsettling dream.

34th over: England 140-0 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Trescothick 54, Strauss 69) Strauss cuts Kaneria easily for four and then push-drives another quite delightfully. Then he drives a third, albeit thanks to a really shoddy piece of fielding from Mohammad Sami. While it's tempting to think England might be able to bowl Pakistan out in two-and-three-quarter sessions, the pitch is far too good. After a few years in which it was threatened with extinction, the draw is making a bit of a comeback. And like the mullet and granddad shirts, it shouldn't have bothered.

35th over: England 143-0 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Trescothick 55, Strauss 70) Gul finds a bit of bounce to trampoline one across Trescothick before bowling his obligatory no-ball, but England are really comfortable. Bumble, interestingly, says England "fancy" Kaneria - and his series average of 51 would suggest they have good reason too. Of less interest is the fact that nobody is reading this because the page is apparently knacked.

36th over: England 146-0 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Trescothick 55, Strauss 73) Strauss, who is looking in prime form, works Kaneria for a couple through midwicket. "It's almost as if Pakistan have thrown the towel in," opines Beefy, and as ever he and I are in agreement: they are offering nothing at the moment. Nor is my inbox, but then nobody's reading this. "For some reason I can't view the OBO - when I click on the link it's a page with nothing on," says Adam Walkden. "Or is this a way of improving your commentary? Ugh ugh..." I'll honk to that.

37th over: England 154-0 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Trescothick 56, Strauss 78) This match has a whiff of the last day of the Oval 1990, and Strauss is in the David Gower role (minus the pressure for a tour place and the fact that Tom's Diner by Suzanne Vega is swirling round his head): in that Gul over he back-cuts his tenth four with serene authority. If he doesn't get a century here I'll use David Lloyd's backside as a fire engine. Gul bowls another no-ball. Smyth wastes 12.4 seconds of his life reporting it to nobody.

38th over: England 156-0 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Trescothick 57, Strauss 80) That'll teach me to put cricket pictures on the OBO: it was - I kid you not - a picture of Ian Salisbury that was buggering up the page. We've had to go for somebody not quite so photogenic, some ingenue named Johansson, but the upside (sic) is that you can now read this. So. Another nothing over from Kaneria, the Hirwani to Strauss's Gower and Trescothick's, erm, John Morris.

WICKET! England 158-1 (Trescothick c Butt b Gul 58) A wonderful catch from Salman Butt gets rid of Trescothick. It was a rank long hop from Gul, short and wide, and Trescothick edged a kitchen-sink cut low to second slip, where Butt grabbed a really sharp chance, two-handed, this far off the floor. At last, something to liven up the game, eh? Here comes Ali Cook you say? Ah.

39th over: England 159-1 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Strauss 81, Cook 0) If any team in world cricket know how to turn one wicket into nine, it's Pakistan, so England need to be careful for a bit here. But without any reverse-swing I doubt they'll have too many problems. "If you're struggling for mentions please can you send a message to Sam, "working" in some second rate Cambridge college," says Hugh Rowntree, whose offering might not normally have reached even the third-tier of emails, but which today is my first choice. "He's so much of a JCL he didn't even see the Ashes last year - is that the acceptable face, clambering onto a bandwagon when every sod bar Tim Rice couldn't wait to jump off it?"

40th over: England 163-1 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Strauss 82, Cook 3) "I'll ask the same question as I asked Sean this morning - what's the opinion on Read - an unobtrusive but efficient game behind the stumps and a breezy 38. Shoo -in for the Ashes? (at No8?)," says Stuart Harvey. Right, to repeat myself for just the 397th time: Chris Read at No7 - no. Chris Read at No8 - no, because it means four bowlers and that is WRONG. Geraint Jones at No7 - correct. At last. But it doesn't resolve the No8 issue.

41st over: England 165-1 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Strauss 83, Cook 3) Cook is beaten by a short one from Gul that doesn't get up as much as he expected. "Gimp masks aren't necessarily a punishment," says Paul Bristow. "It was my mate Gaurav Patel's stag do on Saturday and he positively loved having his face swathed in tight, sweaty rubber. Mind you, he was probably happy to hide a recently-grown wild beard which makes him a spit for Inzy. He's not hiding it very well though. Perhaps in honour of his all-time hero he had two kebabs and kept falling over in hilarious circumstances. Best wishes to him and Keira." And good luck to anyone who gets invited to their dinner parties by the sounds of it.

42nd over: England 167-1 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Strauss 83, Cook 5) Cook fails to pick Kaneria's wrongun but gets away with a thick edge. "The No8 problem," says Andy Smith. "Get Bell some insteps in his shoes and a shaggy haircut and send him out to bat in Hoggard's place. No-one would notice. Honest." Are there any Dulux Dogs who can bat out there?

43rd over: England 174-1 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Strauss 88, Cook 7) Strauss helps a short delivery from Gul on its way to fine leg for four. "Smyth," says Jeff Ando. "Giles will not be fit. As David Brent would say, FACT. So what would you propose? Why not a last four of Plunkett/Mahmood, Harmison, Hoggard and Panesar? What are the other options? UDAL?????" I really have no idea, but I don't think Plunkett and Mahmood are the answer. Nor is four bowlers: England won the Ashes because of an attack that covers all bases. You can't do that with four bowlers, and you need five more than ever in Australia. IMHO, of course.

44th over: England 179-1 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Strauss 88, Cook 12) A short delivery from Kaneria is cut crisply for four by Cook, but he's still not reading him all the time. "If you're talking Twin Peaks it's Leland Palmer not Leyland," says James Smith, pointing out a rank howler on my part. But I was into Twin Peaks in 1990. Honest. "And why not move Harmison up to No8?" Because that would give him responsibility, and that would be a bad thing. He needs to play with freedom, so that he can free those arms of his with something resembling impunity.

45th over: England 180-1 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Strauss 88, Cook 13) England aren't kicking on enough here. They don't need to slog, but more controlled aggression would be welcome. Sure, they're unlikely to bowl Pakistan out on this pitch, but there's only one way to find out and it's not by coasting along like this. It's Lord's 1994 all over again. This, I guess, is the biggest weakness of England's batting line-up: too many one-paced batsmen, who do the job in almost every other context, but not always in this one. "Are you seriously suggesting Rob, that the difference between Giles and Hoggard (or more interestingly Harmison) at number eight is more important than having the increased attacking potency of swapping Giles for Panesar," says Henry Burton. Yes, Henry, I am - and I'd say the fact that the world's best coach agrees me suggests I'm not a million miles wrong, certainly not as far wrong as the incredulous "Are you seriously suggesting Rob..." suggests. As lame a get-out as this sounds, I genuinely believe the presence of Jones at No7 and Giles at No8 cannot be quantified. Going from 320-5 to 321 all out in an Ashes series is so wearyingly familiar that it could demoralise us to a dangerous extent in what is already going to be a bloody hard series. Do people really miss comedy England collapses that much?

46th over: England 180-1 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Strauss 88, Cook 13) Cook is having real problems with Kaneria now. First there is a big appeal for a tumbling catch at slip - I don't think there was an inside-edge - and then a biiiig shout for caught behind as the googly snakes past (and possibly kisses) the outside edge. Hard to tell, but it was a delightful over. "Regarding your comments on playing Panesar, it seems interesting that its always the spinner that is first in line to drop out. Fact is, at the moment Panesar is both our most threatening and most accurate bowler, yet as he's a spinner he's got to be able to score plenty at No8. Hoggard isn't bowling well at the moment so why no suggestion he makes way for a bits-and-pieces No8?" says Matthew Butcher. Take your point but it's more than that - Giles is a much better batsman than any of the proposed seam-bowling No8s.

47th over: England 185-1 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Strauss 89, Cook 17) Too many emails on England's No8 problem, not enough decent solutions. Tim Reston nominates Alex Tudor for No8. He still plays cricket? Marcus Littlejohn suggests Darren Gough. Thankfully, he was joking. In other news, Cook leg-glances Gul for four. Bad ball, put away as absentmindedly as a married couple of 30+ years make love. It says here.

WICKET! England 190-2 (Cook c Iqbal b Kaneria 21) That wicket has been in the post from the moment Cook came to the crease. He was given a classical working-over from Kaneria, and it ended with a routine bat-pad catch to short leg as he pushed forward nervously. Splendid bowling from Kaneria, and here's KP.

48th over: England 191-2 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Strauss 90, Pietersen 1) "Shane Warne bats 8 for the Aussies - I don't recall the responsibility inhibiting his ability to spank Giles into the stands or cream our fast bowlers around the park," says Stephen Russell. " There's two types of freedom - there's the freedom to play any old shot no matter how stupid, or the freedom to play sensible attacking cricket (like Jones when he's on form). Or maybe I just hate freedom." Warne has more talent than Harmison, though, and more of a batting brain. I think Harmison works so well at No10, or No9 at a push, that we shouldn't mess. Plus, for all his teeing-off ability against the short ball, he gets a lot of ducks and couldn't pick a flipper if it screamed I'M A FLIPPER GET ME OUT OF HERE in a Crazy Frog voice as it landed. So I'd keep him as a loose cannon.

49th over: England 196-2 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Strauss 94, Pietersen 2) Strauss absolutely thrashes a square-cut off Gul for four; he looks somewhere very close to his 2004-05 pomp at the moment. "Just thought I'd add my two penny worth to the debate: it's an English tradition to have a proper wicketkeeper," says Alex Burridge. "One who can keep. What has changed?" It's also an English tradition to punch people in the mouth for no reason on a Friday night Alex, but, y'know, things move on.

50th over: England 206-2 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Strauss 95, Pietersen 11) Pietersen sets out his stall by whapping Kaneria's first ball square on the leg side for four. Pakistan are trying to intimidate him, a fallout from the Faisal Iqbal stuff in the first innings, but they might just awaken the monster in doing so. Later in the over, Pietersen, reaching miles away from his body, clouts another slog-sweep for four. Then Kaneria flings the ball to the keeper just past Pietersen's head. It's lively. "You seem keen on dismissing anyone who argues for four bowlers; what would, given the injuries, be your five man attack for Brisbane then?" says Garreth Rule. No idea. Ideally, on bowling alone, Harmison, Hoggard, Flintoff, Anderson and Panesar. But I THINK it'll be four, excluding Anderson. Who knows? One thing I do know: it won't be Rashid or Broad. For all their promise, there's no way - there's no way - we can risk them in an Ashes series. I mean, look at the last bloke we debuted in an Ashes series: he did nothing until he, erm, scored a decisive 158 on the final day.

51st over: England 209-2 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Strauss 97, Pietersen 12) "Two questions," says Louise Wright. "1. How were the Long Blondes? 2. Why is my software producing error messages in French when it was developed in Oxford? I'm only expecting an answer to one of those." You'd have to ask your software firm, Louise. (Ok, I didn't go. Long story. Well not long as such but long enough to not bother detailing it on here. Actually I could have detailed it in the time it took me to type this. Oh well.)

WICKET! England 214-3 (Pietersen b Kaneria 16) Magnificent stuff from Kaneria! He wins the battle with Pietersen hands down, cleaning him up with a brilliant googly that roared through the gate, and then sends him off with the chicken/duck celebration that Shoaib gave Pietersen in the winter. Thrilling stuff, and KP doesn't have a whole lot to say for himself right now.

52nd over: England 214-3 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Strauss 98, Collingwood 0) Pakistan are 12-1 to win this. Fact. "On the proviso that there is no Vaughan, Jones or Giles, give us your first XI Rob?" says Jeff Ando. If Giles isn't fit, I think you might have to take a risk on Hoggard at No8 - whatever I said an hour ago - with Anderson, Harmison and Panesar below him. But only if you have Geraint Jones at No7. If Anderson isn't fit, or if Read plays, it's a different matter. The point is that none of the options are satisfactory. Another point on Giles: he's a better bowler than people think - his average, if we're going to quantify these things, is I think only about six more than Panesar's. The way people talk you'd think Panesar was averaging 18.44.

53rd over: England 218-3 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Strauss 102, Collingwood 0) Strauss slams Gul up and over to the fence and reaches a superb century, from 153 balls. As with so many England batting captains, he is kicking off his reign with a flurry of runs. "No8," says Hugo Adair. "It's a pity Martin McCague has retired." Exactly. Some sense at last. He had Warne on a piece of string in 1994-95.

54th over: England 220-3 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Strauss 102, Collingwood 1) Kaneria is one of world cricket's major mood bowlers, and right now he's really up for it: he's leaping in, and beats Strauss with a flipper there. "Rob - can't help thinking that the problems Kaneria has given Cook this series bode rather badly for young Ali (and England) this winter given that Mr Warne is waiting," says Tim Claremont. In fairness, Cook's main problem has been picking the googly, which Warne unveils about once a decade. But if he has problems reading the legspinner per se then Warne could eat him alive.

55th over: England 222-3 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Strauss 102, Collingwood 2) Collingwood is great at quelling an uprising, and it's calmed down a bit again. Ten minutes to go until tea and then some other poor flunky can deal with your increasingly eccentric views on England's Ashes team. "In fairness, the way you talk about Giles's batting you'd think his average was 30," says Ben, fairly.

57th over: England 228-3 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Strauss 106, Collingwood 4) It's nearly tea. "You can tell Louise Wright that the Long Blondes were great, for those of us who didn't enjoy complications of getting there on the evening," Chinese whispers Laura Stuart. "But not quite as great as Scritti Politti, who I rightly worshipped when I was 12. I'm not normally nostalgic, but seeing as though the OBOs tend to drip in nostalgia (primarily for last summer's Ashes), I think I can slip that one in without anyone noticing."

58th over: England 233-3 (trailed by 23 on first innings; Strauss 112, Collingwood 4) Strauss cuts Kaneria for four, and hopefully he'll finally go on to a big hundred here, because usually he plays the weary buggerlugs in the 110s/120s.

WICKET! England 237-4 (Strauss c Akmal b Sami 116) Strauss plays the weary buggerlugs in the 110s on the stroke of tea. It was a length delivery from Sami, moving neither this way or that, and Strauss - trying to pull his bat out of the way - got the thinnest touch through to Akmal. A big wicket for Pakistan, who must just have a chance here given that England's tail begins at No7. And that was the last ball before tea. Thanks for all your emails - there were shedloads, which is why I was unable to read half of them, never mind publish them - and it's heartening to know that you all agree with my Ashes XI, especially as I got so flustered as to contradict myself ridiculolusly. Please join James Dart in 20 minutes' time; I'm off for a liedown. Toodaloo.