Mr Potato Heads 2: The Newcomers

The second out of third installation of the Mr. Potato Heads series. Yet again, I have to warn you. THIS STORY IS A BIT SUGGESTIVE. Not really for kids under 13. Level 2 on the inapropriate scale, I guess. Below is a short summary.

The Mr. Potato Heads dolls are here again! After about 6 months after the Will incident, two newcomers are invited in the Potato Heads household. One is a human kid named Billybob Jr, And the other one MIGHT be a human, you can't be too sure. Her name is Lady Gaga. And of course she's an annoying freak. (I don't own Mr. Potato heads or anything associated with it. I don't own Lady Gaga, either, nor would I ever want to.)

Submitted:Jul 13, 2012
Reads: 10
Comments: 1
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Mr Potato Heads: The Newcomers

A mini-novel by Waylon
Moosberger

Today, I had my daily
bath. Seems like a normal thing, right? Well, for the first time
in forever, it was. Last time, One of my best friends, Will,
turned out to be a creepy weirdo who watched other people bathe.
That caused other potato heads to jump in a stove, committing
suicide. Such as: Sean, Amber, Fernando, Charlie, Darren,
Katherine, And, finally, Will himself. But he kind of deserved to
die.

After I took my bath,
I went out into the house. It felt kind of empty. Then, I
realized there were only four of us left: Me, Jeffery, Kaitlin,
and Clayton. It'd be nice to have some newcomers, I thought. But
boy, was I wrong.

It all happened 2
months later, while I was taking a glorious bath, with no one
watching me. That's when the doorbell rang. I quickly got up, got
dressed to see what was going on.

They were already in
the living room. The newcomers. I asked Clayton what was going
on.

"They're our new
roomies," he explained.

This one," he pointed
to the first one, "Is Lady Gaga." Well, apparently, Lady Gaga
doesn't give out great first impressions. She had 90 tons of
makeup on, eyeliner, she wore big hooped earrings, a silver nose
ring, a shiny purple jacket, shiny white shoes, and twenty tons
of lipstick. Not to mention an attitude. "Now, this is Billybob
Jr," said Clayton.

Say hello to Billybob
Jr." Billybob Jr wasn't as strange. He was kind of short, had
black hair, wore a plain jacket, and running shoes. Lady Gaga and
Billybob Jr were both human beings, but short as potato head
dolls for some reason.

"Wh-what's going on
here?" Said Kaitlin, who was coming downstairs. "Meet the
newcomers," I said cheerfully. Kaitlin took one look at Lady Gaga
and she was horrified. I had to admit, though, I had the same
impression. Kaitlin ran back upstairs and cried.

"Where will they be
staying?" I asked Clayton.

"Lady Gaga will be in
your room, Waylon, and Billybob Jr will be with Kaitlin. And-"
Clayton stopped himself.

"What? Is there a
third person coming?"

"No, no, there is
not." Clayton said nervously.

It seemed really
suspicious to me, but I tried not to think about it. But I
couldn't help thinking about it. It just reminded me of the last
time we were lied to, and that ended in a disaster.

"Okay, umm, so where
is this Waylon's room?" Asked Lady Gaga.

Her voice was like
fingernails on a chalkboard. Honestly, I can't believe she sings
at all.

"Up the stairs, down
the hall, and to the right." Clayton helped.

"Um, ah, okay. So I'm
just, gonna, unpack."

Clayton literally
left the room, just to avoid Lady Gaga.

"Okay, guys," I said
nervously. "I'll be upstairs."

And, about that
point, is where something interesting happens.

It all happened a
couple days later, when I was in the living room. The closet door
rattled. Rattled.

I looked inside the
closet, and I found this note. It only had four words on
it.

Bob stole your
lollipop.

It might not have
made any sense to Jeffery, Clayton, or even Lady Gaga, but it
meant miles for me. I knew exactly what to do. At least, I
thought I did.

Awkward
silence.

Being in the same
room with the most infamous pop star in America was.....Awkward.
Not to mention she "practiced" singing at every opportunity. And
believe me, she didn't get any better.

It had been two weeks
since I'd found that note. I hid it under my bed, and I could've
sworn, every time I looked at it, it was telling me to do
something. It was telling me to tell Jeffery about
this.

Well, I guess it's
perfectly sensible to trust a piece of paper. I went downstairs
to the living room, where Jeffery was eating the last piece of
Sean-Amber-Fernando-Charlie-Darren-Will pie. I didn't
care.

"Jeffery! I found
something a little.... weird."

Jeffery seemed
bored.

"Please tell me it's
not the return of Will," he said.

"Don't worry," I
replied. "Just read this." I thrust the note in his
hand.

Jeffery read the note
over. He looked over a note, and it looked like he was on a
roller coaster of emotions.

At first first, he
looked skeptical. Then, he laughed, and finally, his eyes
narrowed down, and he looked serious.

I could tell he
discovered something.

"What did you find?"
I asked, my voice cracked on the last word.

"You can't tell,
Waylon? This is Sean's handwriting."

Sean
writes?

"What?" I
said.

"Mhm.... I have no
idea what "Bob stole your lollipop" means, but by the look on
your deformed face, you do."

"Bob stole your
lollipop means WHAT?!" He said in between gulps of
laughter.

I didn't know whether
to be proud, ashamed, or scared. So, I just stayed
quiet.

An hour later,
Jeffery had finally calmed down.

"As funny as Bob
stole your lollipop is," he said. "It still doesn't help us in
the long run? Seriously, what help is-

"I don't know," I
interupted.. "It's all pretty weird to me."

We didn't know what
to do. Even though I knew Bob stole your lollipop better than
anybody, It still didn't help. No. Nope. Nah. Nada. Negatory. The
only thing to do was to listen to Lady Gaga's dreadful singing. I
was hoping to get another message, and that didn't fail. I found
it in the bathtub. It said: Kill her. Beware of another
gift. Sleep with one eye open. Death will
come.

Okay.... I had no
idea what "Beware of another gift" meant, but I was pretty sure I
knew who to kill.

Lady
Gaga.

I wish I was a serial
killer. Then, killing wouldn't be all so new to me. I showed the
new note to Jeffery, and he confirmed it as Fernando's
handwriting. I wasn't surprised. Fernando was always sort of
extreme. But then again, killing Lady Gaga wasn't extreme at all.
In fact, she was killing us by her horrific singing. Jeffery
suggested I should enlist Clayton's and Billybob Jr.'s help. I
didn't object. We needed all the help we could get.

"Anything to get that
hag out of the house," said Billybob Jr.

I was in the living
room, with Kaitlin and Jeffery, and Clayton. I had already
convinced Clayton and Kaitlin, and they both agreed that
something had to be done.

It turned out, that
Billybob Jr. was actually all right. He reminded me a little of
Sean; A bit stupid at times, but always got the job done. Most of
the time, anyway. But now, Billybob Jr. was all
business.

"So, is that all? My
dad is a super duper secret spy agent for the FBI; even the
president doesn't know about him. He has access to all the
military weapons in the vault."

Silence.

We all stared at him
like he was a freaking idiot. Which, of course, he
was.

"Oh, then that's fine
too. The army has futuristic poison needles. The president knows
about them, but he think's they're still being developed. The
government doesn't expect them to come out till
2174."

I didn't know what
exactly what those needles were, but I sure knew one thing:
Billybob Jr. would not be a very good
secret-keeper.

"Then that's great,"
I said sarcastically. "All we have to do is break into a secret
military vault, get some super secret poison needles, illegally
smuggle them back here, then inject Lady Gaga. What could
possibly go wrong?"

"Oh, no. That won't
be necessary. I already have a needle right here." He pulled out
a needle with green liquid in it.

Oooh, Ahh," said
Clayton. "Can I look at it?"

Billybob tossed him
the needle.

"This'll never work,"
I said doubtfully to Billybob.

"Trust me on this.
It's as simple as 1, 2, 3. We break into Lady Gaga's room at
3.A.M, stick the needle in her arm while she's sleeping, and
then- BOOM! The job's done. Let me get you a
diagram."

Billybob began
looking through his bag.

"But we could
get-"

"OUCH!"

Clayton had the
needle stuck in his arm.

"Um, hey Billybob,
did you say this green stuff is poisonous?"

"Yes," said Billybob,
not looking up.

"Because it's seeping
through my arm."

"Don't joke around,
Clayton. That serum is fatal. My dad almost lost his life to that
stuff."

He's a midget hobo
with a deformed face that stays in the house sometimes. His
temper is REALLY short, so that's why he only stays here
sometimes. Everyone who lives here knows him, even
Billybob.

Anyway, back to the
story.

Norman got out a gun
and shot Lady Gaga.

Everyone
cheered.

"Ouch," said
Jeffery.

"Um, Norman, do you
stay here all the time?" Billybob asked.

"Sometimes," Norman
said. "I'm sorry about shooting Lady Gaga, I know you all liked
her. I stowed away in Waylon's room, and that's where she usually
rehearses. I was down here to get some delicious Poop Cake, but
then I saw her in the living room. I just had to kill
her."

"We don't blame you!"
Shouted Jeffery, a little too loudly.

"Hey, Waylon. By the
way, maybe I could stay here, full time? You only have three
people left here, so I thought-"

"I'm sorry, Norman,
but I don't want anyone staying-"

"YOU LET ME LIVE HERE
OR I'LL KILL YOU!!!!" Norman shouted at the top of his
lungs.

He aimed his gun
right at my heart.

"AHA! Found it!" Said
Billybob, holding something above his bag. It was another
needle.

Billybob gave me a
meaningful look, and I knew exactly what to do.

I flung the needle
right at Norman.

Direct
hit.

It hit him right
where his heart was supposed to be, and then Norman screamed. He
quickly fell to the ground, and then twitched for about twenty
minutes until he was officially dead.

Well, this is weird,
I thought. I thought the final battle would be against Lady Gaga,
not her murderer.

There was a few
minutes of silence. Then, as if on cue, we all stared at
Jeffery.

"Fine," he said,
"I'll go drag the body."

Ten minutes later, he
was back.

"You know what?"
Jeffery said to Billybob, "Why didn't you just shoot Lady Gaga in
the first place?"