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Monthly Archives: June 2014

Well I have to tell you that the first time that this was mooted by my business partner I did peer at her with a quizzical look in my eye! ‘You know I ain’t got any kids right?’Undeterred she continued with the planning. Meanwhile I’m down at cricket training with my mates and somewhere in the back of my mind I recalled that Billy might have an offspring or two….

‘Hey Bill, you’ve got a kid yeah?’…..

‘Sure have mate!’

‘Cool….can I borrow your kid for a Family Day we are having next Sunday?’

‘Sure mate’

‘Great…….What is it?’

‘No! You can’t borrow my child!’

Clearly negotiations were not going well…..and arrangements were continuing with D-Day approaching fast!About a week out I discovered I was on ‘Team Red’…..seriously this thing was happening! And I was running out of time! I grabbed a bag of lollies and headed to the nearest Primary School Oval. Apparently that sort of thing is frowned upon and I only made it out of lockup just in time to get to the Family Day! Sheesh!Turns out I was not the only non reproducer there…..and there was alcohol! Clearly you need that when you are a parent?Now…..nothing I have seen on the day leads me to believe that my decision to not have children was misguided…..however I have to say that they were not all bad! Someone pointed out that there was a fair chance that I was one once! My argument after the Tunnel ball was there is actually a fair chance that I still am?There were winners!There was a loser!And there were ample opportunities for bruises!All in all…..GOOD FUN!

What started out as a thinly veiled attempt at a business trip ended in a boys tour of Australia’s premiere wine making region in South Australia known as the Barossa.

My Assistant GM and I enjoyed a great day with the proprietors of Magain Real Estate – Woodcroft where we shared some ideas and solved the problems of the world over a nice lunch in the McLaren Vale before heading off to visit our Marketing Company Bigwig in the middle of Adelaide Town. I honed my skills over the pool table they have in their foyer by beating their champion….clearly no ‘Eddie Charlton’ before we retired for a steak at the new in place called Press.

The next day started out in seemingly harmless fashion where we commenced our journey to the Barossa to deliver my Assistant GM at her conference. That was right up until we relied on the GPS to guide us to the destination and somehow found ourselves travelling over ‘Dry Weather Only’ gravel roads. At one point I piloted the Mercedes sideways down a goat track which suddenly appeared to the sound of ‘turn left in 10m…..alls well and she arrived safely. Shaken & Stirred!

I quickly found the lads who had already left the Tanunda Hotel which was our accommodation venue and headed to the ‘Farmers Market’ for Breakfast. It was Boz’s 40th birthday that was the subject of this event and it started out with latte’s and fresh produce? They quickly found their feet and before the first sensible tourist had uttered the words ‘should we do some tastings today’ we were propped at the counter of Grant Burge.

Boz wanted to get the day started on the right foot so he lashed out on some quality wine….5 litres of port in a plastic container if my memory serves me right….and parted with the princely sum of $25Quite the connoisseur is our Boz!

There was some lovely scenery on the way as we progressed from one tasting to another and we were fortunate to have our amateur photographer Robbo to capture a few picturesque moments. Along the way we must have visited about 5 wineries before it all became a blur and we had managed to throw off a tag by four girls enjoying a similar amount of alcohol who were allegedly ‘bumping into us’ at every venue we frequented! Fortunately Big Dave was our sober bob and also a police officer so he utilised some undercover tactics to lose our tail….’Look over there! A Squirrel’ and then we ran!

Just when we thought that potentially we had tried enough wine to become a priest we happened across the ‘Seppeltsfield’ operation….home of the Para Port. How else would you want to end a day? (Turns out it was at the next joint that was offering Honey Mead but that’s a story for another day) This was where I got the opportunity to taste a 100 year old port (Well the opportunity presented itself as I presented the dude with $80! But it was $80 well spent!) The birthday boy and I tried the treacle like substance and I have to say $1500 a bottle seemed reasonable? Well it also seemed reasonable that the Socceroos could win the World Cup???

Long story short….after we then spent the next 6 hours at the Tanunda Pub and various other venues it was not surprising that Boz and I lay in the middle of the main Rd and watched the beautiful stars in the sky for 15 minutes before almost being run over by a semi-trailer.

Day 2 was recovery day….so I had a freshly squeezed ‘Green Power’ juice at a cafe where it was clear from the shot above that Big Dave and Boz fell in love all over again before we arrived at Saltram. Lucky we got there pre opening time and were the first through the door! I was instantly astounded at how well my palate had developed overnight….I immediately recognised the taste of everything in every wine I tasted. There was ‘Dog Pee’ in the first one, ‘Stale Ashtray’ in the second and they just got better until the final taste of the winery which was straight ‘Battery Acid’! I needed to lay down….the boys were undeterred and on we went.

‘You have never been to Penfolds mate?’ they asked me….’Oh you have to go there’! Yeah why not visit one of the premium wine makers in the world when you feel so chipper? It looked like a lovely place from my vantage point on the couch and here I am showing my ‘gritted teeth’ smile illustrating how much I love wine? I NEED FOOD! Enter the 40’s Cafe where they serve the best Pizzas in the world and Paul Newman joins you for lunch. They could have been serving Domino’s….as long as it was pizza. Thank god! Robbo found us more wine to drink with our pizza!After only 3 more hours which were the longest 2 years of my life we finished tasting wines so thought a quiet rack of lamb would be nice…..sorry sir we have no lamb however we have a lovely Rockford Basket Press! AWESOME! Next time I’m staying home with the girls….Happy 40th Boz!

There is simply nothing like a day at the Country Races in Outback Australia. Surrounded by shennanigans of inebriated punters and ladies dressed to the nines with their high heels in the red dirt….it’s a recipe for disaster. My day had a few twists and turns!

I decided that I would take the motorbike for a jaunt down the Stuart Hwy to the Adelaide River Races. An event of great reputation which I had previously not attended before. It was all rather uneventful until I got to the Bachelor turnoff and decided that I would get off for a stretch as I had not done a great deal of riding of late.

A quick walk about then back on the bike…..which proceeded not to start as the battery had decided now was a prime time to go flat. As you can see from the shot above I was in the middle of nowhere and there was no-one on the road as everyone who was anyone had already made their way to the track since I had left a bit late. So here I am pushing a lump of steel backwards up a hill to see if I can gather enough momentum to get a jump start going……which subsequently failed…..in the midday sun, dressed in black leather! Very comfy.

Enter my hero! The NT Police traffic cop on his traffic bike. Now normally I would not be happy to see a cop as a couple of items I ride with are less than legal…..however this bloke was awesome. After asking if I was OK he hopped off and push started me so I could get on my way. Love the cops….sometimes right?

Arriving at the track I was confronted with an array of interesting costumes. Not that it was a fancy dress however country folk aint got a huge amount of style. Originally I thought I may not drink however a few hundred $$$$ payout on the third meant that I had enough for a beer or two and the alcohol helped to make the fashions make some kind of sense.

Well the party continued and occassionally a horse race broke out…..followed by someone declaring they had won a heap and being quickly surrounded by whatever scantilly clad young female required a drink of champas! Funny how the world works….survival of the fittest and all that?

I may have celebrated my win on the last race a little too early as the result was overturned in a photo…but not to despair….when you are on a roll don’t stop there. So when my business partner left the track and confiscated my Company ‘stubbie cooler’ as it had the logo on there and I was a poor representation I perhaps should have taken this as a sign? I didn’t!

It was a long walk back to the caravan park after the band finished. When I was asked if they were any good later in the day I had no idea whether the singer was male or female so I am thinking that was a fail…..on my behalf.

Once we made it to the camp site and I had decided my boots clearly were not made for walking I needed a swim to cool down. I was promptly attacked in the pool by a cane toad which I despatched with a baseball pitch over the fence and retired into my swag. At 6am I was awoken by a mate who was ringing my phone which was in the pocket of my pillow (my jeans) and there 6 inches from my nose was the same cane toad staring me down and seeking revenge!

It was a long ride home Sunday morning but you have to love the country races and I reckon I’ll have a look next year as well?