Parenting 'Tweens (9-12) Support Group

This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of tweens (9 to 11 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.

I'm so sorry to hear about your sons loss. Man what a tough one..Children are just not suppose to go before their parents..

I understand hesitancy for taking your son to the funeral. It sounds as though your son is really suffering and needs some kind of closure. It's not easy at any age.

I would take him if he wanted to go. Before going I would briefly go over what he can expect and let him know that he can leave anytime, to just let you know. I would also take this opportunity to talk to him about the different feelings associated with grief and that he is not alone and it is okay to have all these feelings. It's not the same has saying goodbye in person, but death isn't always that accomodating, and yes it sucks big time.

If he doesn't want to go I would take him to the gravesight if there is one to just have a moment with his friend. Something he could do privately.

I would think he may be difficult for you over the next little while has he works through his grief. Patience and understanding will be needed in great supply. Hang in there mom and be strong!

Another idea to help with the goodbye thing is ask him to write a letter to his friend saying the goodbye he would have liked to say in person. Than one evening you could burn the letter in quiet contemplation, or put it in a balloon and send it off in the sky..Just to give him some way of saying goodbye to his friend..

my son who is 16 now lost a friend when they were 6 yrs. old. the little boy had a twin sister and there was another little girl they were all four friends, it is very hard to explain the death of a child because to a child only the old are suppose to die. my son did want to go the funeral home, I took him and he left a stuffed animal with a letter on it, it was very hard, we went to the funeral and then we just helped him deal with it, he would wrote letters and leave them at the cemetry. we went and visited the family and with their wonderful support even though they had been through hell and just allowing him to grieve in his own way helped. for awhile he always worried something to would happen to the sister, your child will just need you to listen and answere his questions the best you can, each of us deal with differently, we had people try to tell us we were doing it all wrong with our son, they accused the family of trying to replace their son with ours because they reached out to help our son deal with his feelings, they gave him a hat and a car that had belonged to their little boy. we kept it on a shelf. they made a tee shirt with their pictures on it for him to wear, we still have it, we do not visit the cemetry as much as we should anymore but we have nefer forgotten him and we still have contact with thefamily, just be supportive and in time he will be okay,

Last year my son lost his great grandmother. He was just 11 when she left us. He wanted to go to the viewing so we took him but he just couldnt handle it. He looked in seen her and about passed out and did get sick.

The main thing I wanted to let you know is to watch him over the next year or so. Make sure he grieves and doesnt hold it in. Mine thought if he didnt cry or believe it then it wasnt true. I thought he was handling it ok it being the first death of someone close to him. He ended up having stomach aches alot and 4 months after she had passed he was just trying to deal with it.

Death is a part of life and ignoring this death will not help your son. I agree with the other posts that you need to help your son find a comfortable way for him to grieve. Give him options and let him know that he will not be alone. I'm sorry for your son's loss and your dilemma.

Thanks so much for all of your advice everyone.
I had a talk with my son last night and we decided that after the funeral I will take him to the grave and give him privacy to say anything he wants to say. I really hope it gives him some closure.

Momof3, I think the letter idea is a wonderful one and I will suggest it to him. Thank you. :)

I am so sorry to hear about this. I took my daughter to her classmates funeral when she was 11. I feel it helped her with closure. My aunt died a few years before that and we took all four to her funeral.

We made these decisions by reading books from the library or online to find out what the experts suggest. I suggest Googling to see if you can find some expert advice.

A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...

theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??

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