I’m going to say its on the same lines as saying ‘Don’t pick fights with the black kid,” using skin colour as a reference is rude, not necessarily outright ‘racist’ or ‘hateful’ because I don’t think acknowledging or referencing someone’s racial characteristics makes you that, but it is definitely rude and shows a lack of social awareness.

Why would that be offensive to Selkie. Aside from the whole “I’s not blue, I’s periwinkle. It’s prettier” thing.

It would not offend me being referred to as “the white guy”. I hope that no black people would be offended by being referred to as “the black guy” or “the black girl”. So why would a blue girl be offended by being called “the blue girl”?

Wow. I can see being offended by THE HONKY or THE OFAY or MR. CHARLIE or THE CRACKER or any of the other five hundred and eighty six offensive terms for white folks in the black lexicon, but THE WHITE GUY?

That’s the offensive part. Not any analogue to real-world racial tensions. That all Andi is thinking about, at this point in time, is “don’t start trouble with the blue kid, or I might not get back in yer daddy’s pants”.

We know it is several months ago because it was the day her shirt was taken – the first day of school. So that would be late August? And here we’ve had heavy snows, so it’s at least past December. People are still wearing long sleeves, but not heavy coats or parkas, and there is no snow visible on the ground, so I’d guess March?

Seven months ago she heard the name one time, and there is no doubt in your mind that she will remember it.

If I want to say something about the Principal, or his secretary, I’ll have to do an archive search for their names. Same with Todd’s parents. I know his brother and sister are Antoine and Marta, and day Todd spotted the ring (Thanksgiving, I believe it was) she said his name. I don’t remember it. It was just mentioned the one time.

Must be wonderful to have a perfect memory, and recall the name of everyone you’ve ever heard of.

Ah, so you can swear you have always remembered the name of every single kid of every ex, friend or co-worker you have ever known? This was the first time Andi met Selkie and with all the fireworks going on I think spacing the name of someone you just met is understandable (but then I am terrible with names, I’ve been in classes with some of the same people for three years and still mess up names sometimes, am I a terrible person for that? I could sketch their likeness quite well, but is that Heaven or Savanna I get confused)

No, but given Andi actually pointed out the origin of the Selkie story I think she probably would remember—especially since she called Selkie a “very lucky seal.” Also, Todd isn’t just any *ex*. Andi still wants to be with him. If I was half as obsessed about an ex as Andi seems to be about Todd, I’d probably remember that kind of detail, too.

Except for two things. One, Todd isn’t just some ex. He is THE ex. We don’t know if or how many people she dated before him, but she certainly hasn’t been dating after him. She is totally invested in him, and his life, because she wants to be a part of it again. And two… I am also terrible with names, I am constantly forgetting them, but unique names stick with me. I’m also terrible with faces too, unless there’s something clearly identifiable about it. With her blue skin and mythic name, Selkie is impossible to forget about.

/shrugs/ My parents can go through 8 kids’ names before they’ll get to mine and they flippin’ call me by my sisters’ names at least 9 times out of 10. Being bad with names myself, I’m not seeing this as being especially rude. Sometimes the right name just can’t be pulled up at the appropriate time – reference lethologica. Furthermore, people subject to domestic violence can have PTSD which can further exacerbate memory problems.

This kid is not “one lucky seal” nor the “blue kid”. She’s a person with a name and Andi keeps avoiding saying it. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, I mean perhaps these are meant as pet names (though those require a relationship with the person and their consent to use them), but then Andi keeps not stopping Amanda from calling Selkie obviously insult names, and here Andi is also calling Selkie names. What kind of example are you setting?

Names are important. Selkie/Nei Li had an entire chapter on the importance of her names and the power they have. Andi’s inability to use a name for Selkie is an important aspect of her character, I suspect.

To be fair, Andi’s met Selkie…what, twice? Three times, maybe? And it’s been months since they saw each other.

Take it from someone who’s bad with names. If I meet you once or twice and then don’t see you again for several months, I’m not going to remember your name. It’s not deliberate, it’s not offensive, I’m just bad with names.

Even mothers confuse the names of their own children even when not particularly stressed. And I’ve experienced that I couldn’t remember something properly which I talked about 10 minutes before under extreme tension. So, yes, I believe this isn’t necessarily for disrespect. (As a reply to I didn’t count how many responses.)

This doesn’t mean Andi wouldn’t insult Selkie deliberately now that she believes (albeit as falsely as falsely can be) that she’s one of the main obstacles between her and Todd.

Ok Andi, you have to fucking talk to her about this shit before Monday! You cant just say ‘he didn’t know’ and leave it at that you selfish bitch. Just chill till Monday? and what’s going to happen on Monday Andi? Are you going to leave Todd to explain everything or do you think you can just keep going forward and Amanda will just be fine with no explanation? *head desk*

I know a number of people with that MO, and they seem to be aware, mentally, that it doesn’t work very well at all, and yet they can’t seem to stop doing it. Well, one did, but only after about 2 years of therapy.

“You can tell about a person from looking in their fridge/car” principle.

I’m one of these types myself. Emotionally, or psychologically, if something is painful to deal with, especially if it’s had some repeated pain over the years, I push it to the back of my mind and try to distract myself with things that aren’t so painful. Which, of course, leads to a build-up of negative feelings and pressures that just make me less likely to deal with it next time I think about it.

Knowing that this isn’t an effective strategy is still a far ways from being able to break myself of the habit.

But one of the things I’ve gleaned from this is: Nagging a person like me is the polar opposite of an effective strategy for getting me to do something I’m already resistant toward. Because the more you say I need to do it, the more I have to think about it, and the more I have to think about it, the more the negatives build up around it.

I can totally see Andi’s perspective when dealing with an “I want you to solve this problem NOW” child, when she’s already entrenched in that system of problem-notsolving.

Oh dear. Oh, dear. OH DEAR. Just when you think it can’t get any worse, you realize it’s all your own fault.

Monday is going to be rough on Selkie and Amanda, on Andi, on Todd and on Mina. Todd is going to have a Parent Teacher Conference with Mina on Monday. I suspect Mina might be intending to tell Todd that she didn’t object to the kiss so much as the manner in which he planted it on her.(in public, at her place of work… too perilous). He has so much on his mind that he might pooch that would be revelation. Oh dear.

The problem with that kiss was, first and foremost, that he didn’t get her consent. Reasons why she wouldn’t give it – in public, etc – are not as important as the fact he didn’t ask (not necessarily verbally – just nonverbal looking at her would have given him the information that she’s not into it then and there)

I’m not addressing any problems I may or may not have with the kiss– that’s long since been discussed. I ain’t fer it or agin it. I am just making a prediction about a possible further complication in the story.

If I were a teacher, I would under no circumstances get involved with any of my kids’ parents. It can only lead to trouble–and so far, it has only led to trouble. If Mina values her career she will tell Todd at the conference “I will deal with your daughter the same as every other child in my class. I will deal with you on a professional basis as a teacher and that is IT. “

If he’s smart, Todd will call up his parents over the weekend to debrief them on what’s happened. And have them present on Monday. Get all the shocks for Amanda out of the way at once and his parents might help defuse the girls a little bit.

Right up until she starts demanding that Selkie get dumped back in the orphanage because “You don’t need her now that you have your REAL daughter back!”

Remember, Amanda disliked Selkie when they were both stuck there, then HATED her for getting adopted before she was, and now she’s found out that the person who picked Selkie over her was *her biological father* ? She’s *never* going to forgive “that fish-faced freak” for getting what *she* should have had.

I don’t think she’ll take any better to Selkie, and I agree, I think she’ll become more aggressive towards her. But I DO also think that having awesome grandparents (who clearly will love her immediately) will help her out emotionally.

What gives you the idea that Andi will demand Todd dump Selkie? I mean, other than the mysterious place the Andi-hater brigade get all their immutable facts about Andi?

Andi´s last to two sentences in this strip make it quite clear to Amanda: “Selkie is your sister, she´s there to stay, get used to it.”
If the Andi-haters were right, those lines would be more like “Don´t worry, she won´t be there much longer, you´ll have your daddy for yourself soon enough.”

In fairness to the previous posters, I think you may have misread in this case. I’m with you on the projection and predictions about Andi’s motivations and so on, but these posters were predicting that AMANDA would demand Selkie be dumped back into the orphanage, not that ANDI would do so.

I’m hoping she won’t, myself. But I can’t say it’s an entirely off-the-wall prediction based on Amanda’s rage issues and general views on the subject of ‘real’ parents vs adoption. She clearly has a strict hierarchy of values where orphanage<adoption<REAL parents. Understandable, considering her negative experiences with having been adopted and brought back, and with her overall feelings of abandonment and rejection and the self-esteem issues fueled by those – things she needs to get help with, sooner rather than later.

In any case, I don't think Andi will demand that Selkie be dumped; I don't think Andi is going to be DEMANDING anything for quite a while, not of Todd. If she does, I hope it will be something for the betterment of both girls.

Actually, the contrast between the two grandmothers is going to be one of the most interesting parts coming up.

On the one side: Doesn’t want to meet her, might even avert her gaze if confronted, counseled her mother to dump her. Cold-logic of questionable value.

On the other side: Caring and considerate, tuned in to the emotions of others (see “you don’t need to cover your ears”). Warm-emotion of inconceivable value.

I can totally see Todd’s mom deflecting the “but you’ve got your REAL daughter now!” thing by pointing out, in a manner than shows care for both girls, that she would no more abandon Selkie than she would knowingly abandon Amanda.

If anything, this whole sequence has demonstrated pretty much beyond doubt that Andi is in no way, shape or form ready to take care of her daughter — or any other child — on her own, and won’t be until she learns to take responsibility for her own messes and deal with them.

Which means Amanda is going to be sent back to the orphanage… Which will likely *destroy* her, and she’ll be begging Todd to take her in instead of “that fishy freak” every step of the way.

Amanda will never go back to the orphanage. With paternity correctly established even if Todd doesn’t feel he can take her the familial connection would let Todds parents apply for custody of her over the orphanage, and I can’t see a couple who raised 3 adopted children and love them completely whatever their life choices letting their granddaughter go into an orphanage.

What this whole sequences proves is that parenting has a steep learning curve, particularly for someone who still has some growing up of her own to do. Kids have turned out okay with worse parents before, and people have pulled through despite greater challenges than Andi faces.

Andi has had HOW MUCH time to get used to being a mother? And she certainly didn´t expect this to blow up in her face and force her to confront things this soon.

Andi’s had several months, in terms of time-span, to get used to the IDEA of being a mother, and apparently nowhere in that time did it occur to her that she would have to reveal her lie about Amanda being dead, to Amanda, to Todd, or to anyone else, or that it would be a very, very good idea to do it proactively, rather than waiting for circumstances to force her hand.

I predict that, come Monday’s meeting, she will STILL not have told Amanda that key fact, and that Amanda will learn it either from Todd, or from Selkie. Because even now, with “the cat out of the bag”, she is continuing to deflect, to postpone, to put off the situation until later, and giving more thought to her shame than her daughter’s well-deserved feelings.

We were all ignorant and selfish at one point. The most unselfish thing andi did was get her kid. It takes guts to get her after all this time. She’s not returning her, and she’s not abusing her. There are much worse people than Andi who call themselves mom. It’s a learning process, no one is perfect. Just because andi is still inlove with her child’s father doesnt make her a bad person or mother…. at least, when it comes down to it, everything she’s doing has been out of/for love… thats more than I can say about andi’s mom. As for the “blue girl’ she flat out states that Selkie is pretty much her sister now, meaning that she’s family. While andi may be preoccupied with her own copious amounts of issues right now, her own insecure, somewhat ignorant personality comes through. I mean what do you expect, she is still her mother’s daughter & is not yet a fully mature adult. But she’s doing the best she can at this point while still not being able to move into her next step of adulthood/maturity. So far she’s been reliable and being open towards a mixed/blended ‘divorced’ (for all intents & purposes) family. She & Amanda can only grow from here.

Yep. Andi’s coping with the situation hasn’t been particularly stellar, but most of suck that’s raining down on everyone’s heads has been from the situation itself, not from Andi putting her foot in her mouth.

If anything, I really like how she’s trying to talk Amanda out of it rather than snapping at her, and answers her questions honestly. For however much she’s trying to delay that, she respects her daughter’s emotions and right to know.

Amanda’s being given the space to vent her feelings, which means she’s not going to have them repressed and pent up. If anything, she’s probably going to scream and moan herself out at Andi (whose fault this objectively is, and she knows it), and then later be able to be halfway civil with Selkie (for a given degree of civil – like, arguing and competing, but not actively trying to sabotage or humiliate her).

Andi’s painted herself in a corner, but now that she’s in that corner, she’s handling it pretty well.

Agreed. I mean, Andi has certainly made a couple terrible moves since getting Amanda back (Andi. Andi you REALLY THOUGHT you and Todd still had a chance after this?) but her heart is most definitely in the right place and she’s adjusting to being a mother as best she can under the objectively terrible circumstances.

I disagree. People are people and oftentimes make the wrong choice. She can choose to grow, but in a negative fashion and get herself deeper entrenched in the “in it for me because I only look out for me and no one else does” type of mindset — instead of growing in a good way and being introspective which I don’t think either Amanda or Andi are capable of at this point. Definitely not Amanda… Grow? Grow inwardly more selfish/self-serving because she’s had to out of necessity and knows no other way. You gotta teach her how not to be. She is not gonna figure it out herself. Not empathetic enough in my opinion. And speaking of being reasonable, neither Amanda nor Andi seem capable of that either. We shall see.

In defense of Andi’s ‘blue girl’ slip, if you’ve ever been trapped in a moving vehicle with a screaming child for any length of time, vocabulary is the last thing on your mind. It’s a wonder Amanda didn’t make her drive off the road.

I agree with having the grandparents there. Todd’s parents will be right there and Andi’s mother will most likely be MIA. The fact that Todd is open about his being adopted will cut off any argument about either Amanda or Selkie being sent back. It might be good for Amanda to have a positive view of adoption for once.

You know? Andi could kind of smooth this over by mentioning she didn’t know until recently either, and that neither parents realized they would be able to ever see or get Amanda back in their lives again. It’s the total truth without getting into the ugliness of it all—which Amanda *really* doesn’t need to nor shouldn’t know. If either Andi or Todd blab it to her, it will be so sad.

I’m very much for parents being truthful with their children, but situations like that are really damaging to share. I knew someone in high school who’s divorced mom told her she was conceived in rape. Her father had shared custody. He was a jerk, but she really didn’t need to find out her origin that way. Never did I want to smack someone as I wanted to smack both her parents. Even if the father was not in her life, that’s not something you tell your kid—not as a child nor even as an adult.

Amanda is no sheltered princess uninformed about the ugliness of life. She’s been adopted out, abused, blamed for that abuse and sent back to the orphanage – and then (according to her own perceptions) ignored, due to the blue interloper who was more of a puzzle to the staff than she was.

Amanda *absolutely* needs to know what Andi did, for the simple reason that she needs to know, definitively, that it is NOT HER FAULT. Not the abuse, not “being dumped”, none of it. She needs to know about Andi’s lie – and Andi’s confusion, and fear, and hopelessness – so that she can feel better about herself, so that she can know inside her own mind that she is *not a bad kid*.

The time for concealing unpleasant truths from a child is BEFORE that child has had to face even more unpleasant realities. It doesn’t work, afterwards.

You know, I don’t agree with much of what you’ve been saying about Andi, but I think you are absolutely right here. Andi really ought to come clean. Like, now! Well, um… no, I guess she could wait for Amanda to run out of breath for screaming. But she shouldn’t put it off until Monday, when Amanda is bound to find out anyway about the lie to Todd. It would be much better for her to know that at least her mother isn’t lying to HER.

Will Andi step up, overcome her fatal weakness of putting things off? I don’t know. Amanda may not LET her get away with it. She’s a very strong-willed little girl. One thing I do like about what we’ve seen of Andi’s mothering style is that she treats Amanda with more respect than eight-year-olds usually get.

Part of this is that mothers who have raised a kid since babyhood have some ingrained reflexes they have to unlearn. You HAVE to tell a two year old “Because I said so” quite often, for their own protection. It’s hard to stop doing that. Andi doesn’t have any of that. Sometimes she finds herself saying things her own mother said to her, but quite often she talks to Amanada like a small adult, like a friend and an equal, because that’s the experience she has in relating to people. Like, now… she’s saying, “Chill, until Monday”? Someone with more mothering experience would know that isn’t going to work with an eight year old, but all the same, it’s a compliment to Amanda. It’s the kind of thing you might say to a friend your own age who was having a major meltdown.

So if Amanda insists on hearing the details NOW… Well. We’ll see what Dave does with this.

Given that this cuts close to my project, I’ve gotta ask: Do you really think that it is never appropriate to tell your child — at any age — that they are the product of rape? Or, in leoness’s comment, that they were an “accident” (unless, leoness, you mean the mom deceived the dad about birth control, or stole his sperm? I’ve heard that has happened a few times, and it’s very disturbing).

I would think, for one, that if the kid (or adult kid) found out about the rape and figured it out on their own, it could be more damaging than if it came from the mother. Consider if some fellow high schoolers saw the kid’s mom’s name in a newspaper case about a rape, and used it to tease or bully the kid.

I would think, secondly, that if there is still contact between the child and the rapist — no matter how the rapist and victim “patched it up” afterwards — that there might be circumstances wherein the child would benefit from the information, to keep them more safe. Though frankly I’m not sure I want to follow that line of reasoning any further.

And thirdly, although it can be noble to conceal information that would exonerate you, I could well imagine a case in which the mother had a very hard life raising the kid single, where the kid started blaming the mother for making bad choices that left them in this situation, and the mother explains that it wasn’t their choice, they were raped, and the only choice was whether to abort the fetus or carry the baby to term and they chose the latter. It would give a whole new perspective on the situation, and I’m not sure how old the child would have to be for that to be a beneficial conversation… seems like it might take some pressure off the mother’s shoulders by transferring it to the child’s, or else maybe it’d let the child realize that their mom did the best she could with what she had to deal with and maybe they could start doing that too.

My instincts are saying that “So hey, your biodad raped me and that’s how you came along” is a bad/wrong conversation in most cases, but I can’t see it being wrong in ALL cases. Though part of my reasoning is my bias toward truth and away from secrets, and I recognize that secrets can be important at times.

Not a product of rape, but I was an accident. My mother was quite honest with me about it that she didn’t plan on getting pregnant, but also always made it clear that she CHOSE to have me (this being after Roe vs Wade). I couldn’t fully grasp this when I was a kid, but it didn’t screw me up, and as an adult woman, I particularly appreciate the power behind this concept, of being her choice, and her deciding to have me and raise me and love me.

Kinda makes me wonder how many people are so in the “plan each child” mindset that a child who happens without deliberation is somehow an aberration.

I mean, before this conversation, I didn’t really consider “planned” children to BE the norm. More like, a married couple has sex regularly for enjoyment and increased intimacy, and they take whichever children come their way.

Obviously unmarried parents are a different situation, but still. I mean, I know some people are deliberately trying to force their bodies to produce a child at the time that’s convenient for them, but I never thought that was the norm.

Well… as someone who has struggled with infertility, I may not be the best sample for this! But there are all kinds of reasons why people do plan when to have a kid and so on. The big reasons tend to revolve around career and finances (especially finances). Having a kid is an expensive proposition, and some people really want to try to not be in debt, be in a place they like and won’t have to move or worry about losing jobs/changing jobs during the earliest formative years. So it’s about trying to balance what’s going on in your life and your expenses; limiting your fertility so as to not have an unplanned kid at a time in your life where the scales may tip more to ‘catastrophic stress’ instead of ‘joyful surprise’, and so on.

Do some people take this to insane levels? Absolutely, but y’know, with any situation, some people will take it to the extreme. And no matter what kind of fertility management you use, if you’re having potentially procreative sex, there’s a chance of it well, succeeding (and birth control failing). These days, with the job market uncertain and money being generally tight (and this being the norm for most people for at LEAST the past couple of decades), I think fertility planning is considered by a lot of people to be the responsible approach to take. As I said, though, I’m on the other end of the spectrum, so my experiences will probably be different from what you’re thinking about.

I’m guessing that, just looking at the metaplot here, that Dave isn’t going to let Andi send Amanda back to the orphanage. This seems to be a key part of Amanda’s character development, so I’m going to call plot-armor on this situation. We’ll see if I’m right.

Why would Andi send Amanda back to the orphanage? What in the comic indicates Andi suddenly wants to send Amanda back?

Because she hit on Todd and explained THAT away by saying it was because she wanted Todd back?

Because I don’t think that’s the explanation as to why she took Amanda back; I think that’s the explanation as to why she hit on Todd. It seems most people think it’s a big revelation as to why she got Amanda back.

I do think they’re separate, but intertwined. She’s not just using Amanda as a bargaining chip; she really does want to do the right thing by her, even if she doesn’t have a good idea of how to do it or how much effort it’s going to entail.

It’s a pretty safe bet that the rest of Todd’s family will want to see Amanda. And if Todd’s parents don’t offer their support to Andi in an advisory capacity, at least, I’ll eat my guitar.

And as for folks who are badmouthing Andi, keep in mind that it’s apparent that she considers giving up Amanda to be one of the two biggest mistakes of her life, (the other being the lie she told Todd about her miscarriage), and is working to correct them. She knew the amount of grief she was about to receive would be enormous and yet did it anyway. So I say good for her.

I expect that Todd will eventually calm down to get the perspective he needs to handle the fact that he has two kids now. Heck he might even learn to forgive Andi for what happened, though I doubt he’ll ever forget it.

And as for Amanda and Selkie, only time will tell with that relationship in the short-term, though I expect that the coming months will be a minor hell for all concerned. Heh, it’s also a safe bet that the grandparents are going to want family photos and aren’t going to put with too many tantrums; say, more than one from each girl. 🙂

it’s basically a way of telling someone that asks you to do something you don’t want to do a resounding: “F**K NO!” albeit, in a somewhat nice and humorous way…

since punctuation can’t be done on a license plate, I’m pretty sure that it should look more like this: “Ha, ha… NO!” and the persons face saying it goes from a happy grin during the “Ha, ha…” portion to a grim faced “NO!” with a slight pause between the two.

If your vehicle is visually abnormal, then if it gets stolen, it’s more likely to be quickly returned than a generic vehicle with a generic license plate would be.

I mean, like, “Everyone, keep an eye out for the green farm truck with a blue door and a yellow hood” is going to have everybody aware of it and (consciously or not) looking for it. Similar with a license plate that’s memorable.

I once had my CD player returned to me before the thief could get on the bus, all because I crocheted a noticeable carrying case for it and was quirky and visible around campus. The security guard spotted the kids trying to stash the case in the bushes, they said it was their sister’s CD player, he was suspicious but let them go, then spotted me hunting for my CD player (which had been stolen on the other side of campus, in the book store) and asked me about it, drove me down to the bus stop, nabbed the twerp.

Soon I was writing up a police report and it turned out the kid had also swiped over fifty bucks worth of pens (grand larceny!)… and was the little brother of one of my classmates, who had brought him to tour the campus. Hilarity all around! But it cemented my belief that standing out in a crowd makes you a little safer than if you blend in.

Except for the ‘wannabe’ part. Against all odds, it looks like she’s actually succeeding as an artist — at least to the point where the authorities agreed she has a stable enough income to be allowed to adopt a child.

The wisecracking license plate, the bright pink truck, the weird hair… I guess they’d all kind of be part of her public image now.

Something to think about, regarding Vanity Plates, is how expensive they are in one’s state. IIRC, in Texas, they’re expensive — and a recurring expense! In NH, they’re a one-time expense, and not too horribly high-priced.

Therefore, you see a lot more vanity plates in New Hampshire than you do in Texas. And the ones in Texas are going to be paid for by eccentrics who can afford them, like my grandmother for a long time…

Meanwhile, I’ve got vanity plates, my spouse has had the same ones for over 20 years (mine are nearly that old), at least one couple on our street has vanity plates on both their cars, not to mention a friend of our kid’s in another neighborhood…

Vanity plates just say “eh, felt like it” here, not “childishness.” Once you’ve got ’em, for whatever whim prompted it, the default is keeping them forever.

I took a look at Michigan’s vanity plate rules, and it works out to $45 a year for a given basic vanity plate (I chose the plate design closest to Dave’s choice, along with the exact letter combo on Andi’s plate). It is a recurring expense, but I wouldn’t really call it ridiculously expensive – $45 more than a non-vanity plate. $30 a year is a fee for the plate itself, $15 extra a year processing/registration.

Obviously that’s an assumption that they’re in Michigan, but I just went by the whole ‘Great Lakes’ thing. 😉