Tag Archives: Hanukkah

It’s not even Thanksgiving, but the War on Christmas 2013 has already begun.

According to a December 2012 Gallup Poll, Christians are still the overwhelming majority of Americans, at 77%; only 1.7% of Americans identify their religious preference as Jewish; Kwanzaa isn’t even considered by Gallup as a religion. Including Mormons as Christians, Gallup concluded that “The United States remains a largely Christian nation; more than nine in 10 Americans who have a religious identity are affiliated with a Christian religion.”

And yet a U.S. Postal Service advertisement to sell “holiday stamps” omits a Christmas or Christian-themed message, yet includes portrayals of the Jewish holiday, Hanukkah, and the wholly made-up “African-American” holiday, Kwanzaa.

Ronald Everett, aka Maulana Karenga

In 1966, a black American named Ronald Everett, who later changed his name to Maulana Karenga, concocted Kwanzaa. Everett/Karenga founded a black power organization called US (meaning “Us black people”) which was committed to armed struggle and the establishment of a separate political structure for African-Americans. In 1971, Karenga was sentenced to one to ten years in prison on counts of felonious assault and false imprisonment. Despite all that, Everett/Karenga, now 72, is the Chair of the Africana Studies Department at California State University, Long Beach.

The USPS Christmas ad contains the text: “Don’t forget your holiday stamps. You’ll find them at your nearest post office or on eBay.” Below the text are pictures of three stamps:

A candle holder with nine lighted candles, emblazoned with the word “Hanukkah.”

A gingerbread house.

A colorful symbol over an open book, above the block-type word “Kwanzaa.”

Image source: Twitter/@RennaW

Reactions to the ad were swift and strident. A sample on Twitter:

RennaW tweeted: “Don’t forget those three American holidays: Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and … gingerbread house”; “What happened to Christmas?”; “Oh yeah, because Christians celebrate the Holy Day of Gingerbread House, seriously? This is awful”; and “I’d like to take this opportunity to wish you and yours a very merry Gingerbread House.”

Chris Barnhart tweeted: “Shhhhhhh! We can’t say the “C” word.”

BossyMother tweeted: “oh yeah, because Christians celebrate the Holy Day of Gingerbread House, seriously? this is awful.”

Company Memo

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols… feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Patty

Company Memo

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.” The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty

Company Memo

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only”, you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Company Memo

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

There will be fresh “low sugar” fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply “no sugar” desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

Company Memo

I’ve had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your ****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you ****** weirdos can kiss my ass. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!