Hey guys,
I'm 27, and I guess this might seem like a silly question, but it's recently had an impact on my relationship with my fiancee. We've been together for a couple years now and have a very healthy sex life, but I still masturbate quite frequently. While we have sex every other day or so, I still usually masturbate about twice a day, sometimes more, sometimes less. When we have sex I still get very strong erections, and ejaculate quite copiously, so it's not affecting my performance at all. But even on the days we do have sex, I still will masturbate sometimes. The other day we started to discuss masturbation and she seemed to get upset when I said that I still do it every day. So now I'm paranoid that this is too much... what do you guys think?
Thanks!

here4support

12-09-2004 01:23 PM

Re: Too much masturbation??

[COLOR=Red]I know if I were in her shoes I'd probably feel a little upset, more hurt than anything, but I can't tell you why exactly, cause I don't know why it bothers me. :confused: If the sex between the two of you isn't being affected she shouldn't be concerned. :bouncing:

On the other hand, why is there such a need for masterbation? Maybe your needs aren't being met during sex?? I don't know. :jester:

To me I guess I just think if needs are being met, masterbation happens few and far between, but I think as humans it does happen and for someone to sit there and deny it, is just plain idiotic. I have another post on this section about my husband and how he says he doesn't do it anymore. I on the other hand, think he still does it maybe not as often as when he was 25 or 20, but we don't have sex more then once a week if that. Ok now I'm babbling. I hope others come to the rescue and respond! Good luck and if you have any questions I'm on pretty frequently! :cool: [/COLOR]

wood650

12-09-2004 01:38 PM

Re: Too much masturbation??

I think masturbation is quite normal even when having sex with your fiance, but you said you have sex every other day or so. Why not cut the masturbation and have sex with her every day. It seems that she might be upset because instead of having sex with her you were masturbating. Eventually as you age you won't be able to masturbate as often as you do and have sex with her too. It sounds like she wants to have a relationship and sex with you rather than have you masturbate.

tictac

12-09-2004 02:30 PM

Re: Too much masturbation??

You sound like my b/f. He's also 27, we have sex every time we see each other (3-4 days/wk), and usually do it 2-3 times on those days. He openly admits that he masturbates everyday, even on days we see each other, sometimes 2-3 times/day. Sometimes he'll do it again as soon as he's done! As his g/f, this does bother me. I'm not sure why though. I guess I feel like I'm not doing enough for him, even though he says our sex life is pretty darn hot. I hate the thought of him masturbating to porn or sexy women on tv. I guess that's the jealous g/f in me. He admits that he's definitely more fixated on sex than the average guy. I keep trying to tell him to exercise some self control on the days we don't see each other, and that the anticipation will make our sex even hotter when we get to do it. He says he can't do that. He gets p.o'd at the world if he doesn't get his daily "release". Sometimes if we have a really good session and after I go home, he'll masturbate thinking about how good it was. I'm glad to hear that others do it too, but it still bugs the heck out of me. I told him to quit reporting to me when he's done it. I think what it comes down to is I'm kind of worried that if he needs sexual stimulation this much, he might get it somewhere else. I don't get it!! Someone please explain why some guys need it soooo much when they get plenty of good loving!

chevyman

12-09-2004 02:59 PM

Re: Too much masturbation??

I actually don't see a thing wrong with it...just do it in your own privacy and don't tell her you do it!....

sabro77

12-09-2004 06:32 PM

Re: Too much masturbation??

[QUOTE=tictac]You sound like my b/f. He's also 27, we have sex every time we see each other (3-4 days/wk), and usually do it 2-3 times on those days.[/QUOTE]

I'm pretty sure if my gf and I were having sex 2-3 times a day I wouldn't be masturbating anymore. Unfortunately that's not the case. She says she's very satisfied, we both climax every time we have sex, but I'm not so sure now. I want to have sex more, but my gf says she needs time to "recharge". She also says that she's a bit sore on the inside after intercourse on account of my size. This brings up a whole other issue, I know...save that for another thread. But if she needs downtime, should I be in downtime too, even if I can still perform well?

vintagegirl

12-09-2004 07:54 PM

Re: Too much masturbation??

How often a person masterbates is based on their sex hormone levels...ex: too high/too low. Hormones fluctuate every day in men and women. If a person is genetically susceptible to addictions, ex: a craving/a release---the brain learns to expect that release unless it is weaned off of the habit. There's a great book called Mapping the Mind that talks in detail about how the brain works sexually. It's all chemical. This is also why commercials for antidepressants warn of "sexual side effects" aka loss of libido. Wanting to masterbate in addition to sex should not be taken personally. It's wired.

Thisby

12-09-2004 10:08 PM

Re: Too much masturbation??

It's too bad your fiance got upset. Did she say why? I think it's important because there are different reasons women (or men too, I guess) would be upset and you have to handle them differently. Also, does she realize that it is common for men and women to continue to masterbate, even if they are in a sex-included relationship?

I personally see no reason why you should cut down, if you say it was having no effect on your sex life with your partner, and since you say she was satisfied with the amount she was getting. But what matters now is how she perceives your need for masturbation and how you BOTH feel you should deal with it. So, what's her angle?

sabro77

12-10-2004 05:57 AM

Re: Too much masturbation??

[QUOTE=Thisby]It's too bad your fiance got upset. Did she say why? I think it's important because there are different reasons women (or men too, I guess) would be upset and you have to handle them differently. Also, does she realize that it is common for men and women to continue to masterbate, even if they are in a sex-included relationship?

I personally see no reason why you should cut down, if you say it was having no effect on your sex life with your partner, and since you say she was satisfied with the amount she was getting. But what matters now is how she perceives your need for masturbation and how you BOTH feel you should deal with it. So, what's her angle?[/QUOTE]

We got together again last night, and partly because of my newfound paranoia, we had a very intense session last night. She climaxed multiple times and I did twice. Afterwards we brought up the conversation again, and she still seemed bothered by it. I'm getting the impression that she thinks I'm not satisfied 'personally' even though I'm satisfied with her. She doesn't like that I'm getting off without her, even when we're not together. Oddly enough, though, whenever I masturbate I think about her and making love to her. I have no desire to be with anyone else, and I told her this. Still, however, this morning I woke up with her performing orally on me, which although is nice, felt weird...like she was doing it because she felt obligated or because she felt it would keep me from masturbating during the day. I don't want her to stress out like this over the issue. I'm beginning to think I should try my best to refrain from masturbating, but I know things will be difficult this evening when I've got that need.
I've heard from the ladies on this...any of the guys have this same issue?
Thanks

Thisby

12-10-2004 12:44 PM

Re: Too much masturbation??

That's probably exactly why she did it.

You could try cutting down on it, just to see how it goes, but it could end up back-firing if she comes to feel like she is just servicing you. And believe me, there have been enough posts by women who feel that way about sex w/their partners sometimes. It seems like there can be such a fine line too. And there's no guarantee that an arrangement that's perfect for one couple will work for another, or a different partner.

Anyway, I also think this is something she will get over with time.

Out of curiosity, how would you feel if you had a gf who was still masturbating behind your back? And what would you think of the possible reasons she may be doing it?

sabro77

12-10-2004 01:49 PM

Re: Too much masturbation??

Out of curiosity, how would you feel if you had a gf who was still masturbating behind your back? And what would you think of the possible reasons she may be doing it?[/QUOTE]

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have a problem with it...I had assumed that my g/f was doing it already. And I wouldn't say I'm doing it behind her back...I was honest with her about it. That makes it sound like I was cheating or something.
I'm sure she and I will be okay, I just don't want her to think that I'm some kind of horndog or will be unfaithful. But when I started thinking about it, I thought that I have no idea how often other guys do it, so maybe I AM doing it excessively. It's not like I sit with my friends at the gym and talk about how often we masturbate, even though most have mentioned that they still do. I just never thought that I was doing it too much until now. I mean, is twice a day too much? Am I addicted? Is 27 too old to be doing it even 5 times a day every once in a blue moon if I wanted to?

Lance2

12-10-2004 01:56 PM

Re: Too much masturbation??

Masturbation is normal and healthy. You enjoy it, you've got a healthy sexual appetite and this has nothing to do with her. At your age, I wasn't married and probably did the same thing, as I got older it slowed down some. Now married I still do it several times a week and have sex with my wife...not as often as you do but I'm older too. LOL Anyway man, please don't let this get you all freaked. Its no big deal and your body will tell you when enough is enough. Maybe you could try and back off a bit...but I wouldn't get to bothered by it. Sometimes its simply a habit...its a great way to relieve stress, feels good and its safe. Hope this helps.

Glenzo

12-10-2004 04:39 PM

Re: Too much masturbation??

Obviously you have a high sex drive and you want the big O. Sometimes you're with your girl and get it and sometimes your not. Your body is just following it's healthy instincts to release sperm via sex or masturbation.

Enjoy it while it lasts as when you're older you could wish you were experiencing it all over again! Life's too short for these hang ups. Women I don't think on the whole understand male masturbation. The way I look at it is they produce eggs which if not used are disposed of through menstration, men likewise, our body needs to expel what it is producing one way or another.

This is my opinion and I believe it to be a valid one.

tictac

12-11-2004 10:05 AM

Re: Too much masturbation??

[QUOTE=sabro77]We got together again last night, and partly because of my newfound paranoia, we had a very intense session last night. She climaxed multiple times and I did twice. Afterwards we brought up the conversation again, and she still seemed bothered by it. I'm getting the impression that she thinks I'm not satisfied 'personally' even though I'm satisfied with her. She doesn't like that I'm getting off without her, even when we're not together. Oddly enough, though, whenever I masturbate I think about her and making love to her. I have no desire to be with anyone else, and I told her this. Still, however, this morning I woke up with her performing orally on me, which although is nice, felt weird...like she was doing it because she felt obligated or because she felt it would keep me from masturbating during the day. [/QUOTE]

Ok, this is weird. I'm beginning to think YOU ARE my b/f. P, is that YOU?? LOL Just kidding, but our stories are so similar, it's scary. We had the exact same scenario the other night and morning. After reading some of these posts, I'm not quite as bothered by his masturbation. Maybe you should let her read it too.

chevyman

12-11-2004 08:01 PM

Re: Too much masturbation??

I always had thought that doing lots of masterbating your sex drive with a female will last longer? and make the duration last and last.......I masterbate but do it in private!!....and I love it!!!....if my g/f is around then I don't need to masterbate........but I been doing a lot of that lately she had major surgery.

I guess God made us all in a way we can take care of our selfs no matter what the problem/ male or female.