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Friday, November 19, 2010

How to write good answers in your exams... Caveman style !

Dear bored guys readers.. you already know Cruddy's story very well. This one is about his neighbour Professor Billeus Newtonsteineus who lives five caves next to the Cruddies. People call him uncle Bill (mostly behind his back).. that was supposed to be his real name but during his fresher term at college he was so impressed by his Animaliologistics professor that he renamed himself according to the binomial nomenclature. Here is a page from the internal assesment exam of his student Teddious cavemanious (..and rumors are that he used to be Caveman Teddy about an year and a half ago) ..and by the way, he is currently pursuing his PhD in the field of equine-end-gastric-discharges.

Instruction:
1.All questions are compulsory.
2.All questions carry 100 marks each.
3.There is only one question in this paper.
4.Time limit: till the examiner finishes his tea.
5.The examinee is supposed to bring his own answer sheets. The college is out of money repainting the graffiti you did on the walls.

Question 1: Write a long-essay on the mechanical, physiological and chemical properties of horse dung. Explain the proper method of collection and utilization of the same. Elaborate with well labeled diagrams wherever necessary.

Answer 1:
Definition: Horse dung, which has been termed as equine-end-gastric-discharge in the year 1922 b.c. by Dr.Stally et.al. is a very precious mixture of compounds. It is obtained from the rear side of a horse of either gender, color, age or breed. Thus it is a generic character of the Horse family.

Properties:
1.Is blackish in appearance.
2.Is foul smelling.
3.Apparently black in colour, can be even blue, red or green depending on the eyesight of the observer.
4.The shade is usually dark black.
5.Is a semi solid mass.
6.The most common variety is the black one.

Method of collection:
It requires absolutely refined skill to collect horse dung. The collector must be equipped with at least 20 hours of dung-collection experience under a licensed dung-collector before he can do it alone. And then harry potter took out his invisibility cloak and set out in the castle to reach the grand staircase. The portraits on the walls were irritated by the light of his wand and started shouting. The dung collector should wear an apron covering the front of his body and a helmet and groin cover made of metal to avoid the random blows of the equine in the stable. When he suddenly saw professor snape appearing on the marauder's map. He quickly put off his wandlight and started running toward his room, but snape caught him midway and presented 3 different methods of dung collection in 1755 b.c, which are explained in detail below. And then he saw peter pettigrew on the map but he could not locate anyone in person so he dumped the horse dung in the collection pan and ran for his life avoiding snape. Thus, any of these methods can be effectively used to collect horse dung, but the one approved by the international union of pure and applied animaliologistics (IUPAA, estd 1824 b.c.) is the Aristotle's use-a-shovel method. It is shown in the diagram.

Utilization:
1.Used as manure in the corn-fields.
2.Play pranks on people by keeping it in front of their houses.
3.Who the hell cares about the rest.
4.If you still want more, please see the answer number 23 on the page 15 of Plato's Concise Exam Notes. I think i forgot it in my bag outside.

So guys, this might be my last post of this season as my own exams are coming up and as you might have guessed, i too am aiming for A+ this time..