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The Storm Before the Calm: LOVE WARRIOR Wholeness

We are trinities – body, mind, spirit. The warrior lives out all three lives: a physical life, an intellectual life, and a spiritual life.

We all identify more closely with some of our selves than others.

I’ve struggled my entire life to be comfortable in my own skin, to understand my body to be as much ME as my mind and my spirit. As a girl in this culture I learned to be desired, but not how to desire, how to be wanted, but not how to want, to care about what I looked LIKE more than I care about what I’m looking AT. And so now I’m learning to establish my physical self. To inhabit my body, to trust it as Mary Oliver says: to let the soft animal of my body love what it loves.

What self are you trying to nurture back to life?

The Storm Before the Calm

Originally published July 2015

Hey my precious friends.

One of my all-time favorite books in the world is Truth and Beauty by Ann Patchett. The reason I haven’t told you about it is that when I finished it, I decided no one should ever comment on it. It’s written so true and beautiful and perfect that I could not imagine mustering the audacity to add one more word. When I read the last word of Truth and Beauty, I thought of that line, “speak only if you can improve the silence.” So I just nodded, put the book in a place of honor on my bookshelf, and that was that. Please read Truth and Beauty so we can not talk about it. Today I need to say at least this much though: in the book there is a letter from Lucy to Ann that begins like this:

Pettest of my pets. There is a crisis in leadership . . . Jane Fonda has had ribs removed, a la Cher. Is this true? I can’t bring myself to believe it. What ramifications does this have for us? I am so terribly disappointed in her, though I also understand the mania twixt this ribectomy comes… Is she afraid of something? What could it be? Are we afraid of the same thing, the same sort of thing, whatever it is? . . . . I forgive her to the end, yet something is different. Jane is as fallible as us: she always was… – Truth And Beauty

I think about this paragraph every single day. It’s so freaking funny to me – there is a crisis in leadership – and so horrible and so true. It’s so true how we’re always looking for infallible women heroes and how we’re so afraid when they are afraid and so despondent when the poison in the air affects them, too. How when we discover again and again that there’s really no ONE to follow—there’s no Oz behind the curtain—we feel so suddenly scared and alone and directionless. All of this is why it’s a saner policy to love people than to admire them. Admiration involves putting a person on a pedestal and since people are wobbly—pedestaled folks always end up falling down.

Anyway. The other day I was on the road looking at some pictures you guys posted of me from Sacred Threads, which I will tell you more about later because it is simply one of the most special places I’ve ever been in my whole little big life. I was scrolling through and saw this one picture in which I just looked SKELETAL. Like not my normal smurf-sized self at all, like scary skinny and weak. Sister and I were in a hotel room and I pointed at the picture and said: “Good Lord, this pic is awful. Can I hide it? Is that wrong to do?” And she said: “That’s not a bad picture, actually. That’s just what you look like right now.” “And I said I LOOK LIKE THAT?” And Sister said yes, you do. And I lay on the bed and stared at that picture and this thought crossed my mind: Uh-Oh. There is a crisis in leadership. I’m all jacked up again. I looked at that picture and KNEW, I just KNEW: That’s not right. I’m not right. This is not me. I’m not strong right now. Not.

And the next day I called my very honest friend and I said: “Tell me the truth. How do I look right now?” And she said: “Look. I want to say this as gently as possible: you look like shit, honey. You just look like shit.”

A friendship like this is a treasure. It really is.

So often, people’s lives are presented to us as before and after stories. It’s always: “Look! My mess is fine because I’m ALL BETTER NOW! Ten steps to FREEDOM! Look at me, I’m FREE!” Sometimes it feels like it’s only okay to talk about your Cinderella story when you’re at the ball. When the tough, ugly parts are over. When everything is shiny and happily ever after, promise!!

But there is no ball. There is no point in which you stop working and just brush your long pretty hair and flit around, untouchable. Done. All better. There is no before and after. Most honest folks with food/body/God/shame/etc. issues will tell you that it’s just the same damn thing, over and over. That you just fall down seven times and get back up eight. That each time you earn a little more wisdom to help you up faster the next time you fall. So I came here today to say: You guys. I got a little jacked up again. And I’m in the middle of the mess now. I’m not at the ball. I’m scrubbing floors: wondering why everyone else gets to dance and make it look so easy. I’m a little angry and confused that I’m almost forty years old and STILL DEALING WITH THIS SHIT. Why I don’t have all of this figured out yet. Why I can’t just get on with it already. It’s exhausting, to tell you the damn truth. And embarrassing. But it’s real. The before it’s fixed part is real. The storm before the calm is real. The during is as holy as the after. And it’s okay. It’s a good place to start.

So: here’s the good news. I know what to do when I get all jacked up. I made an appointment with my therapist. I started back to yoga. I’m taking it easy on the elliptical—reminding myself that if I use it every time I get anxious, every time the fire starts inside of me: I’ll never get off of it. I need different strategies to deal with my fire. Strategies that don’t make me disappear. Because despite every lie we hear from every seller of things on Earth: it is not a woman’s job to get smaller and smaller and take up less and less space until she disappears so the world can be more comfortable.

And I’m eating again. I’m reminding myself that there is no prize for she who denies her hunger, her humanity the longest. I am reminding myself that life is not an exercise in maintaining control. It’s just not. Life is a feast and she who sits out the feast to follow the underneath rules of the world just misses the hell out.

So that’s good, right? It’s a start. We don’t have a crisis in leadership. It’s just that leaders are human and your leader of Momastery and Together Rising is ESPECIALLY, JUICILY, and UNAPOLOGETICALLY HUMAN. And she’s doing her damnedest to use her fire to light the world instead of burn herself up. And she knows how. She does. She forgot for a minute but now she remembers and so she is not afraid.

Remember. Don’t be afraid. Begin Again.

Love,
G

*****************************

Since I have decided to live out loud and put my art into the world, you are free to respond how you’d like to. You are an artist too, with your response. We are always creating. Every word we speak or write either says: LET THERE BE LIGHT or Let there not be. It’s a big responsibility: responding to people’s pain in a way that unleashes light.

If you’re interested, here are some responses that make people like me feel loved, and some responses that don’t:

Perhaps avoid saying things like: Yes. Yep. I noticed you looked really skinny. I’ve been so worried about you. That makes me feel stupid, like everyone’s been on a secret I just found out about and the secret is me. Even if it’s true, it’s just not helpful.

Maybe avoid commenting on my appearance or physical or mental health at all.

Things that are helpful:

Vulnerable sharing of your own experiences in this arena of food and weight and body and being a woman in a culture that offers many, many confusing messages to women.

Sharing of non- gimmicky things that help you when anxiety takes over, when you feel like life is just TOO MUCH for a spell.

94 Comments

I am 50. At the age of 44, I escaped a 25-year-long abusive marriage with 2 young girls and no full time job. Once I came to terms with my experiences, my misdiagnosed C-PTSD, and my horrible mental tapes, I became a truth teller. A brutiful, transparent, discomfort-inducing truth teller.

Where I see pain, abuse, illness, xenophobia, injustice, or a general lack of love, I open my mouth (or typing fingers!) because keeping that truth inside resembles a steel chain being thrust against my insides.

My brutiful struggle is still with finding/identifying/accepting love from a good man. My truth is complex and painful, but boils down to this: I love with everything in me, regardless of risk, because it’s the only way to live in my truth.

Thank you for sharing. As a mom who has helped her young teen daughter battle the demon of restricting food and overexercising (for her its anorexia) for the past two years. I so appreciate your honesty. Your truth. The hope you give me for the great life she can have as adult even with these hard issues. And the falling down and learning and not falling so far again are
So true. Thanks for the inspiration. It’s something I need to keep helping her work towards a wonderful future.

Big hugs to you! I hope this comment finds you well. I wanted to share a resource that has changed my life and the way I process and up level my anxiety. I came upon this resource after breaking free from an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissistic which left me with anxiety attacks and complex post traumatic stress disorder. This resource is a spiritual exercise that allows us to feel the anxiety in our body and shift it out, so to speak. It’s based in the premise that all anxiety stems from some form of traumatic event that’s been trapped in our body, and replayed later in life through the form of adrenaline surges or anxiety attaches, until the root trauma is resolved. This process has offered me healing on so many levels, I am forever grateful to its creator. It’s called quantum freedom healing. If you are interested in learning more, you can visit melanietoniaevans.com to see if it’s a fit for you. God bless you and I’m riding with you on this journey!

I’m relieved and troubled at the same time when I read that the struggle keeps coming in different ways over the years but that you learn to maybe get up a little faster each time. I’m in my early 30s and recently I thought wow I think I have finally figured out how to take care of myself and my body. But then some real complicated life stuff happened and most of it seemed to go out the window and I couldnt help but think “waaaait a second…I thought I already figured this out?” I felt cheated, annoyed, disappointed……guilty. Oh the guilt. But then….. your article. It turns out I’m normal. This is normal. I do know stuff….how to take care of myself and my body. I will do some of that stuff. Maybe not all of it. And maybe it will take me longer than I’d like….But I’ll get there again. You reminded me to have faith in myself.

Oddly, I have so much I want to say, but I can find the “perfect” words. I guess that is ironic, but not. I have struggled with perfectionism all my life and I just can’t do it anymore. I want to look in the mirror and love the person I see. Period. I guess I want to be brave like you, too. I want to stop acting like an “expert” when on the inside I’m trembling and terrified of being rejected if people saw the real me in that mirror (or the perception of me). But that’s not what I am hearing in the silence spaces_they feel safe to me. I’m new to this blog site, but I’m hearing that I am not alone and I can stop pretending to be everything to everyone 24/7. So I guess I’m saying, I want to belong among the “I can’t do this alone” tribe. I guess I really don’t even have to ask or sign a deal or show you my credentials_I just can be one of you, too. I’m so glad that I “found, found” you_all of you. Thank you for being a light in the scary process of becoming me and loving me and finding my own voice. It’s scary out here and it’s nice to know there’s a hand on the other end_even if it’s a digital one.

Thank you, lady. Over and over again. I am going to be brave now, and not give up on trying again bc I thought that having to deal with this SAME BULLSHIT I COULD SWEAR I FIGURED OUT AND SETTLED 8 YEARS AGO is just so exhausting and felt like backsliding and failure and bile. But knowing that we all have to meet our demons again and again- well, it doesn’t make it easier, but it makes it bearable. It makes it possible to fight again. My favorite thing about you is the ‘me, too’ness’ of your truth telling.
Love you.
Sarah O (that girl that couldn’t stop talking about your hair and weather in Albuquerque bc my representative showed up to meet you bc I didn’t want to sob on your pretty shirt)

When I get overwhelmed, especially with anxiety or depression or stress, I go to my “other” bible, if you will. It’s Awareness by Antony De Mello. He’s a straight talker and not for everyone. There are so many great quotes by him that, taken out of context, may not seem applicable. But I assure you that his beliefs keep me calm in the worst of my emotional storms. He reminds me to stop putting people on pedestals “Expect the worst. You are dealing with selfish people. You’re the idiot – you glorified her, didn’t you? You thought she was a princess, you thought people were nice. They’re not nice…If you had been in touch with reality all along you would never have been disappointed. But you whose to paint people in glowing colors.” Of depression and anxiety, ‘You say ‘I’m depressed’. But that is false. You are not depressed. If you want to be accurate, you might say ‘I am experiencing depression right now.’ But you can hardly say ‘I am depressed.’ You are not your depression. That is but a strange kind of trick of the mind, a strange kind of illusion. You have deluded yourself into thinking that you are your depression, that you are your anxiety, that you are the joy or the thrills that you have. ‘I am delighted!’ You certainly are not delighted. Delight may be in you right now but wait around, it will change; it won’t last: it never lasts: it keeps changing: it’s always changing.” You, Glennon, are always changing. It doesn’t mean you are in a cycle. It doesn’t mean you are on repeat. You are suffering and dealing with fear. But you will feel strong again. Don’t identify with the fear. It’s not you, it will come and it will go.

So I am typing this right in the middle of the big, ugly anxiety attack. It’s awful. It’s Olympic-sized times infinity and it’s trying to devour my sense of self.

It’s not the first time. It’s not the last.

I have tools. A recently acquired therapist. A bottle of Lorazapam has come in handy already today. I walked. I took deep breaths. I talked to my family. I read wise words. Your words. They almost reached me through the friendly fire, they really almost did, and so for some reason that leads me to leave this comment I don’t even want you to publish, because it’s not really a comment on your beautiful, wonderful post, but a greedy, desperate, illogical, selfishness of HELPHELPHELP… it’s just a note to you, knowing maybe it might not even land in front of you, but you do have such lovely people on your team…

I am a leader; a mom, an educator, a friend, and sometimesithinkalsoafraud? because ANXIETY ignites in me like a HUGE pilot light of toxic energy, coursing through me, telling me: YOU WILL MESS UP. YOU WILL BREAK THINGS. WAIT TIL YOU REALIZE YOUR MISTAKES. THE SHOE IS FALLING: BOOOOO!

I’m sorry Glennon. I am telling you, personally, that I am sorry for this pity party email I send you, but I am also saying: I am sorry all the time, sorry to the world, filled with sorrow, filled with sorry-ness. No matter how hard I work or try or do I feel like it was not enough, not pure, not careful, because I cannot remember everything, and I cannot please everyone, and I cannot recall who I am or why I am here.

Except when I can, and I feel well, and I dream of changing the world, one child, class, school, idea, workshop, opportunity at a time. And it’s a cycle. Maybe I reach too high. Maybe that is why I fall so low.

I went to the same university you did, a few years ahead of you. I studied similar things. We’ve battled different demons, but oh how I relate. When people ask me what gift I want, like in the family gift exchange, I tell them to give to TogetherRising. Knowing you are in the world helps me. And so I write you right now, when I feel so low, like I might never feel better. Even though I know I will. And that won’t last. And that last thing I wrote? That is how I define anxiety.

Where can I dump it? I am in my 40s now. I know it was born from a lot of PTSD but that was a long time ago. I am ready to break up with my anxiety. But when I try I come up short. Am I too weak to do it?

Scared. Please don’t tell anyone, ok? I’m scared of that, too. You can just delete this comment… I should have.

G-I am right there with you. I have had many years of being in and out of a struggle with the control of my weight. I have been so small that my HS clothes fell off of me, and nobody said anything. I reveled in the number of people that would say, “wow you look great.” Knowing deeply I felt they were so unaware of the agony inside me and it just fed my desire to do more, be less. BUT…over the past 10 years of parenting I ran into a wonderful book that has been transforming for my struggle, Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (Jon Kabat Zinn). Something about this book and the way it was making my mind and body finally become one has helped. I don’t know what about it, but finally I felt like I didn’t have two separate parts, the interior and the exterior. It was an amazing melding of both – and I have found a community through a yoga studio that uses this same stress reduction techniques. My heart goes out to you, because I know – I know how fast it happens and how some of us feel the need to go faster, work through all the problems through movement….go, fix, go, fix, breath, go, go go go….I know. But beautiful G you are a physical person alongside spiritual, feed both the best you can get, and I don’t just mean food, feed your mind with what is true to you, take it all in and be just where you are at totally okay to keep moving forward with health and healing.

Dear G, I am late to the comment party, but I still want to send much light and love your way. I’m 36, a mom of 2, recovering anorexic/over-exerciser for 2 decades, and I still go through 6-10 month cycles of distorted views of my body, followed by periods of acceptance. Yoga is my sanctuary and my battleground. On the good days I can talk to my body and say, “I will be kind to you today.” On the bad days I am downright mean to my body. This week I have been realizing that this body is the only one I get, which is all the more reason to love it. And yet, the struggles still abound in the midst of the growth. Thank you for sharing your experience so we can all feel real, and not alone. – Mandy M

Every single day I think about my weight and my body and wish I was lighter and more toned. It is ridiculous. I am a normal weight, probably slightly on the lower side of the range for my height. I am an intelligent person. I am a person of faith. In my head I know that it is completely ridiculous and feel so shallow to have these thoughts but they will not leave me. It’s like a virus I’m infected with. Has anyone felt like this and managed to overcome it?

I have no words of advice. I can commiserate on the daily struggle of being a woman, fulfilling expectations while remaining true to me and wanting more without appearing somehow less of a woman? I don’t know the answers. I just know that every day I try.

But this. This is my new favorite phrase. I love so much of her wisdom.

G- my husband and I have been broken and patched back together so many times. And the pieces just don’t fit. I wish there could be a sign in the sky telling me God’s will for my life and marriage. All this to say thank you. I know I am not alone, primarily because of you.

I don’t really know what to say. So I’m going to start typing and see how it comes out.
What you’ve said in this post means a lot to me. It means a lot as a 20 yr. old who vacillates between the feeling of fierce rebellion against all the people (media etc) that say be smaller, be skinnier, be tinier. I laugh at their naivete. I feel freed from their expectations. I feel healthy. I feel human.
And then I catch myself feeling bloated, feeling big, (in a small body) feeling distanced from my personality and my people because I’m busy worrying about whether I should have any more calories. Worried whether I’ll fit into that dress all nice and flat stomached… worried about things I do not really care to worry about, and yet there it is. It comes up, and it comes out, and I fidget and I fuss. But like you said here, I begin again.

I remember my worth… or rather, I go (in) and I work hard to remind myself, of myself. I go read the things that remind me of myself (your things, my things, other wonderful written and spoken and drawn, works). I do the things that matter to me. I write. I write. I eat healthier, regularly. And I begin to remember one very important step that gets skipped when I’m in the mess. The step that says: WITH PLEASURE.

And then I eat with a sense of European Pleasure… Small bites, savoured, long sips, relished. I remember that if I’m going to partake, I want to take pleasure in every morsel. And then I try to apply that same thought to the rest of my work, and my days, and my conversations, and my feelings… and I come back to myself a little stronger with every single well-spent thought.

Micky
I am not Glennon. I’ve been there though, and where you are too. You are learning and knowing more than I did when I was your age. No words of wisdom, just sending you love and positive thoughts.

This morning I was finally exposed to the Momastery, Glennon, and her supporters. Glennon, your brute honesty (with a sprinkle of humor) is not entertainment but rather validation and helps me put on my “perspectacles”. Thank you for sharing and for admitting that we are not perfect even when we try our best; mistakes are made, some days are hard-lots of days, and we are still wonderful. I firmly believe that everyone has their own personal battles that they have fought and continue to fight each day. Others are quick to assume that life is easy and perfect when really we just keep those battles private. This is tough from both angles: assuming those around me are living flawlessly sets unrealistic standards and expectations for myself. Being told that I had it easy or haven’t struggled is like denying the pain and suffering that I have and continue to feel. Thank you for being realistic and reminding so many of us that we are not alone. I’m buying my bookS now

OK, sorry, but I have to tell you just as I tell my students. Be careful what you believe. If you check Snopes or Urban Legend or another site that checks out these celebrity rumors, you will find that neither Cher nor Jane Fonda have had their ribs removed. They also are not the only ones who have had to suffer those rumors. But please know they are rumors and are not true. Which is good, because if Jane Fonda did that, I would wonder whether we could ever believe anything again.

“The storm before the calm is real. The during is as holy as the after. And it’s okay. It’s a good place to start. ” AMEN and THANK YOU!!!!

Right now I’m in a calm spot and I’m taking big deep breaths, because last school year was another shit storm! But… I’m a middle school special education teacher and parent of a high schooler, a middle schooler, and a first grader. And we’re moving into a new house the week before school starts. So a storm is a brewing. But the storm is holy, thank you.

I love you Glennon, all of you. The storm and the calm. You are my sister, how could I not?

My body is broken in many ways, my mind too and sometimes my spirit. Like TODAY. How do you seem to know when I need to read something holy sent by God thru you?

I struggled for a very long time with my body in terms of size. My worst bullies were the people who raised me. One sister developed a full blown eating disorder. One day after yet another failed diet I said ENOUGH. I now love my body the size it is even though I do continue to lose weight in a healthy matter.

I say my body is broken however because I am disabled with chronic pain, auto immune diseases. My mind/spirit get hit by depression, anxiety and panic attacks. First, I TAKE MY DAMN MEDICINE. Then I take all my other meds that make life tolerable. This is why we do not own a gun.

So I go to the Dr every month. I’m dealing with a new health issue and I’m scared. There is a mass–a cyst? In my lady parts. I’m 46 and am in some stage of menopause. Waiting for the Dr to call back.

I’m working on my mind and spirit the most. I’ve taken up knitting again, I’m reading young adult books, and I need to break out my adult coloring books. Plus I watch a bit of tv lol.

You will get through this storm G. We are here to guide, shelter and love you. Always.

For what it’s worth, Krista : I love the way you always answer to a sister in pain, and I love your smile in your picture, you look like an amazingly joyful and strong person, and I think you are actually stronger than you know.

For me, there is NO WAY the part of you that makes you a woman could be harmful for you. I will pray for your ladyparts 😉

And speaking of cutting out toxic people : I’ve got a sister like this. I definitely quit trying with her last year, and I am almost 40 (erased my former “I’m 39” – Time to get used to it, lol! )

Sending you love, tender thoughts and knowing there is nothing wrong with this mass. Cysts can be harmless too ! Much love to you.

I hesitate to leave this comment because it seems trivial and… well, kinda dumb. But if it helps one person, then it was worth it!

When I am feeling particularly anxious, I chew a piece of gum. Orbitz Peppermint (royal blue package) – no other brand/flavor works as well for me. The not-too-strong peppermint flavor and repetitive chewing motion calms me down. I actually focus on the present for a few minutes, often breaking the anxious thought cycle. Chewing gum also helps reduce my emotional eating.

Glennon Thank you for reposting this. I read it the first time but needed it this morning more than I knew. The storm has become a place that I trust will remake me in the end. Sober memory or experience or a ton of therapy helps me to keep the course. I’m scared now but also relieved. Sometime these moments in time are really just the end to my pretending. Anyway, I’m grateful for you at 6a in the dark when I felt lonely but it was too early to call anyone. Have a great day!

Glennon,
Your broken parts are our broken parts. So your broken parts that you have the courage to share are one of the greatest gifts you can give us. A reminder that this isn’t craziness or laziness or the oddness or separateness we feel again and again, it is just the way life shows up. We are what that is. And what you are is what we are – except that god has given you the job of reminding us all, all the time and again and again, that there is great joy and great boredom and great sorrow and great fear and it is all ALL RIGHT. Carry on WARRIOR!!!!

Coincidentally, tonight I burned an old journal in my backyard fire pit that outlined the EXACT same issues I struggled with at 25…that I struggle with today….I am now 50. First step in “letting it go”. Then I read this post :):)

Yoga , prayer, sleep, being with your beautiful children and outside time are as non-gimmicky as it gets . But you already know that . You are ok and you are moving forward every day xoxoxo lifting you up my Warrior xoxo

You are so wonderful! It’s always made me so sad what our society and culture portrays as beautiful. I struggle so much to be this impossible perfection… because I was raised that way, surrounded by it, engulfed in it. I told myself that I would accept how God made me and the beauty marks motherhood gave me, but society and culture is taking over my mind again. Even my mom tells me I need to diet and exercise and I swear to you I only gained about 10 pounds. It’s so sad to me that we all feel like poo about ourselves most of the time. I look back at honeymoon pictures and I am like woah I never actually knew I looked like that because I was to busy shaming what wasn’t perfect about my body. You are such a blessing to me. I’ve read your Carry on Warrior book and cried and laughed almost every page and wished we could be friends! No one allows me to speak the truth in my life so I pray and speak to God a lot haha. What you’ve started here is amazing and brave and wonderful! I will keep you in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and TRUTH. 🙂 God bless you!! !

thank you.
similar experience for years. I’m always looking at myself in three way mirrors in dressing rooms so I can sort of “sneak up” on self and try to see me like a stranger would. sometimes I think, “oh. she looks like a nice lady,” or “I’d be friends with her,” but mostly I think, “hey, stand up straight,” and your ponytail holder is falling out.” a couple of years ago I thought for the first time in my entire life, “I get it now. thinner does not always equal prettier.” my fanny was just…gone. I could finally see I was too thin and it wasn’t cuter, just pointier around the edges. but I felt kind towards myself and I felt a little grateful that I finally could think that thought.
even at 43. I’m not fixed. but it’s something, isn’t it? often i think of your words about disappearing and just trying not to take up space. I don’t want that for any of us. thank you, glennon.

Beautiful words. Thank you for them. My beloved daughter has battled anorexia for 25 years now. In and out of treatment but always fighting. She’s disappearing again and I’m trying to help her come back. I’m terrified for her and her babies. Thanks for the glimpse of what it must feel like for her, it helps. Love and prayers to you.

Our pastor gave a sermon last Sunday on how the church must be bathed in supernatural vulnerability. Otherwise, we are just children playing church. As always, thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your pain and healing in order to help others share and heal as well.

That message from your pastor is special and rare. My experience at church seems to be mostly ‘ just children playing church’.

I think that real enemy is shame – and vulnerability, courage, connection and empathy are the guideposts on the path out of it. I yearn for a church that strives to engage in empathy and vulnerability and creates a safe place for shame melting connection. Unfortunately I see pastors that are so concerned about getting the theology of the gospel message right that they miss this hard yet simple truth and it pains me to my core.

I too am almost forty “and still dealing with this shit.” Thank you for your honesty! I read this with tears and a sigh of relief. Someone else gets it!!!! Such a wonderful message that freed my soul a little bit more. Remember, “just the next best thing,” as I have written on my daily food journal ;). Thank you for shining your light and reminding us that we are not alone in our struggles.

Kelsey thank you for the smile. I have my woobies–herbal heat packs, stuffed animals, and will be making a fleece blanket to curl up with. I also use aromatherapy (as with the herbal pack). Never underestimate the power of a stuffed rainbow zebra named Wilson. Love you sister!

I believe you shared with us when we saw you in oak park, that this is what you refer to as being in the valley where the river runs. put on some kickass purple sparklie Barbie floaties & get your float on during this spell. also as you advised us, please make sure you breathe & take kind gentle care of yourself while you’re in this space. we are all here cheering you on!!!

Yes! The story you told that night of the valley I will personally never forget, it resonates loudly. The most beautiful things are in the valley. It makes sense you would be there. Beautiful. Growing . Flowing. Stay a while and enjoy all that is around you. ❤️

Thank you. I needed this right now. There is no ball. That weight I worked so hard to lose is always just around the corner, just a few bad days away. You always make me feel like there is hope. Thank you.

G – I NEVER even noticed. Maybe that makes me awful? Or maybe that means when I look at you, I see the soul of you. Not the body of you. The soul is everlasting. These bodies? We just be renting them to get our shit done on this earth. As someone who spent many years not taking care of my physical body, and who now teaches yoga- I will say, the journey is forever. The progress is always. Carry on, warrior sister. You are rocking it.

I just love the human-ness of you. I love that you are able to open up and share all the stuff that all women have on their plates at one time or another. Or all the time, sometimes. You inspire. That’s doing a lot.

This made me cry. I’ve had a hell of a day. I got a semicolon tattoo this past Friday like project semicolon to remind me to keep showing up, to continue on. Now today, my SPD 8 year old’s temper tantrums just about did me in. By 5pm I just wanted to scratch this tattoo off my finger and escape into my room with Netflix and chewy candy – that’s my go to when life is so difficult I feel like I can’t deal with it…ignore my family and hide from the world. Then I read this post. I escaped for a bit, then I got myself up, put dinner (frozen pizza – haha!) in the oven, hugged my kids and told my husband that I need an early bedtime tonight for my sanity. Life is so hard, but we can do hard things.

Keep singing, canaries! For without you I wouldn’t be able to keep trying to climb out of the mine before it’s too late. I am 40 and trying my hardest not to run away or hide myself from difficult things. I struggle, but I am comforted knowing you all are out there.

You know what I say….I wonder why I don’t have it figured out at 40 either and then I say “Well, I have more figured out at 40 then I did at 20 so that’s something.” And then I watch my son and dog sleep, all curled up and peaceful and loving to each other, and I think “Clearly they have something figured out because they’re not even worried about all the crap I am, and that’s good.” And I try to remember back to being young and what made me so great and I focus on being that for awhile (I was so curious it made George look like a bore). And I do all the stuff you are, see my therapist, go to Pilates and have tea with a friend (sometimes that friend is you, on your blog).
And when I see you at the end of the month, I’m going to give you a hug so you know that we support you too.

Love you so much. It’s scary to think that we’ll never, ever have it all figured out, never be done with the struggle and finally “fixed.” Scary but true. I might as well deal with it. There’s a lot of light and love between the dark patches.

A couple of years ago I told a very close friend how discouraging I found the ‘open prayer’ time at my church…So much thanks from those who had made it to the other side of whatever it was: debt, addiction, depression, the illness of a loved one. We need, I said, a wailing wall, for those of us who are not at the other side, whose prayers have not been answered, who have given up praying. So much gratitude to you for taking the time to put words to the storm.

My dear amazing girl,
I’m there too. On the floor. Scrubbing, wondering “how is this my life?” Why is it so hard for me?
I too am trying to get back to painting, back to caring about me. Back to taking time to breath, heal and find my joy.
Trying so hard to be okay. With just me.

I love this place too! Monastery! Glennon, I am over 40 under 50 and continue to struggle every day with the same things all of us are. I,too, thought there was a certain age (30, 35, 40….who knows) when a woman had it figured out, was confident about who she was, how she was living her life, handling her relationships and knew how to traverse her future. Boy, was I wrong!!! It’s NEVER completely figured out and us women are raised in this society to be so critical of ourselves, of each other about that and it’s heartbreaking. Your unstoppable, beautiful honesty and bravery for saying what most of us are thinking and grappling with is nothing short of amazing, pure and what we’ve needed for too damn long. Thank you from the core of my self for being you and putting yourself out there, exposed and real day after day. You’re part of life’s beauty and probably THE best role model for women, everywhere, I’ve ever seen. Thank you for singlehandedly changing women’s lives, for the best by being yourself and giving us you, all of you, not just the “after”. Keep ON, warrior!!! We need you to, so WE can. So I can. Love, love love to you. You’re remarkable.

Janice, I want to let you know that I feel you. A wise woman once told me that if I want sobriety it is only a matter of when not if, it will be mine. If you want to be sober, the battle is already won. You’ve got this, I promise. If you are still trying, you have not failed. I am sending you loads of love and courage.

It is the shame that kills. Just by saying “This is where I am” you steal its power to isolate you – I’m proud of you for saying that. Here is another bridge to the world: I have been there too, and we are both moving forward, one day at a time. Breathe deep.

” And I’m in the middle of the mess now. I’m not at the ball. I’m scrubbing floors: wondering why everyone else gets to dance and make it look so easy. I’m a little angry and confused that I’m almost forty years old and STILL DEALING WITH THIS SHIT. Why I don’t have all of this figured out yet. Why I can’t just get on with it already. It’s exhausting, to tell you the damn truth. And embarrassing. But it’s real. The before it’s fixed part is real. The storm before the calm is real. The during is as holy as the after. And it’s okay. It’s a good place to start.”

I know it’s long to repost it, but holy hell, thank you. I’m a 22-year old baby missionary with a whole giant pile of *flails my hands wildly* and to hear that I am not obligated to pull it together just because people are suddenly listening to my words is salvation. That I don’t have to shrink or silence what I’m saying to make other people more comfortable (facing a crisis of this at the moment) or work twice as hard. I have nothing to prove to anyone. Thank you for being unapologetically loud. You give me more of your brave every time I come to the blog. So much love.

I’m 53 and still dealing with my pile. But I can look back and see how the pile is getting smaller, and I’m getting stronger and gentler and calmer. Sometimes the piles leaks out onto other people, (okay truth is I throw it at them) so be ready with words of love that washes it off. I’m reminded of the verse “to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word,”
Forgive yourself, forgive others. I’m still working on the forgiving the one who threw me into the pile to begin with. Life is a process, that’s why Jesus is with us through it all. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Continuing to let the Word wash me, continuing to be holy, and continuing to have peace, dear sister.

I am recovered from eating disorders. Truly. But I have 2 young girls, and posts like this are a good reminder that we her parents need to remain ultra vigilant about the messages they get from us, and also, at least for now while we still have some control, from the world.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. That’s all I can say. Your words are so powerful to me on my journey to wholeness… to complete honesty and self-love. To being ALL here. I love you, and I am with you sister.

“Life is forever tries.” “Show up.” Then show up again. These are amongst my favorite Glennonisms. I use them every day. Thank you for the reminder that being an adult doesn’t look or feel like we thought it would. Love you, G.

“You guys. I got a little jacked up again. And I’m in the middle of the mess now. I’m not at the ball. I’m scrubbing floors: wondering why everyone else gets to dance and make it look so easy. I’m a little angry and confused that I’m almost forty years old and STILL DEALING WITH THIS SHIT. Why I don’t have all of this figured out yet. Why I can’t just get on with it already. It’s exhausting, to tell you the damn truth. And embarrassing. But it’s real. The before it’s fixed part is real. The storm before the calm is real. The during is as holy as the after. And it’s okay. It’s a good place to start,”

10 seconds out of what might be a small nervous breakdown…do people still have those? Because I think I just had one. Poor husband just had to go to back to work after I gobsmacked him with things that have been going on in my head for YEARS, it was probably a lot to hear at once….since it started with “I know why my mom left us…because I want to go.” Still crying real tears. Have scared tween, teen, and dogs out of the room. (hm, mom is doing silent sob tears, gotta go). 10 seconds out of NB and i come upon this beautiful bit of prose…”40 years old and still dealing with this shit.Why don’t I have it figured out yet” exactly. ex.act.ly. When do you think the get my shit together part will happen? I can LOOK like my shit is together I’m awesome at that. I’m going to do that later when I go to a job that I made from the ground up and start the 20th year and do it with the biggest, fake-est, excitement you’ve ever seen. Big smiles because everyone is watching in 3…2…1! Then, after work, I’ll cook dinner, everyone will watch the Olympics and go to bed. I will lay there until husband starts snoring (while screaming inside my head) then get up and go back to the couch and do the silent sob tears while everyone is sleeping. This is fine. I’m fine. Everything is fine.

Caris – I could have written your response myself. I’m turning 40 in three months. I’m not even close to having my shit together – but I’m great at faking it. I have no advice – just know you’re not alone.

Thank you for your bravery and honesty. This article was about body, appearance, and the struggle with those things but to me it spoke of parenting. I’ve been a mom for eleven years and I still makes mistakes even when I feel like I should have this parenting thing figured out by now. Fall down seven times, get up eight. Make mistakes and keep learning, loving, and moving forward. Reflect when I need to to make the changes I need to make. Thank you for reminding us, no matter what the struggle in our lives is, that we can live within a space of grace and get back up again.

Thanks for your honesty Glennon. Just the other day I was thinking to myself how amazed I was, that at 48 years old I am still worrying about whether I weigh too much. I am not particularly overweight and definitely not underweight, but I can remember worrying about not having a thigh gap when I was 12 years old. I run, I eat pretty healthfully, but all I see in the mirror is what I don’t like. I wonder when I’ll give myself a break?

Like most people, I have a lot going on in my life. Three teenagers, one of whom is transgender. Worry, fear, guilt, fear, love, confusion, love and fear again. When all of that, plus everything else in life (my house isn’t clean enough, I don’t want to make dinner ever again, why didn’t I make a career for myself before I had kids, guilt about feeling that way because really, my life is pretty great), I try to find time for myself away from the daily chaos. I get up early and walk , get coffee, read my book. I run. I do yoga. I commune with my cats! I listen to music, I really try to recognize all the fantastic things in my life: my kids, my husband, my job, my house, my dad, my cats, my health, etc. Each of those things helps in it’s own way.
Thanks for your honesty and for helping us all be warriors!!

Just this morning, again, I looked back at the earlier pages of my sometimes-every-morning journal before writing the same SAME SAME things on the new page. I even read/wrote about how I am always writing about the SAME things on the earlier page before getting to today’s repeat lines. I paused before punishing my evidence of cycles and paused before condemning myself again for still needing to write down the same things because I am still thinking about how I am still struggling with still doing the same things. Still. Again. I wrote them down again anyway. Because Next Right Thing. Because Begin Again. Carry on Canary.

G – You are so very brave. I have struggled with bulimia and body image for 25 years. I know what you mean about falling down and getting up again. Every time you get up again, you have learned something new. You are stronger for the falling. Thank you for being vulnerable and open about something that carries so much shame and secrecy. You are an inspiration to all of us who are still struggling to put a voice to it. Be kind to yourself. xoxo

*Consider speaking only when you can improve the silence. — LOVE THIS!

When life is too much, I take a long shower and listen to comfort music. I wash away all the anxiety and then wrap myself up in the comfiest of clothes. Sometimes I take multiple showers a day. It’s a way to start fresh. Comfy socks really do work wonders.