(CNN) - In the book “Jim and Caspar Go to Church,” an atheist turns to a Christian minister as they're watching a Sunday morning church service and earnestly asks, "Is this what Jesus told you guys to do?"

I've grown up in churches and I'm a Christian, and I'm right there with the atheist.

I honestly don't get the connection. (To be fair, I've grown up on Earth, too, and there are times that I don't understand any part of this place.)

You see, years ago, I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome - and like a lot of "Aspies," sometimes I'm convinced that I've landed on the wrong planet.

For those of you who don't know the medical lingo, Asperger's syndrome is an autism spectrum disorder, but not as severe as what most people think of as autism.

It basically comes down to this: those "normal human" rules for things like eye contact, when to smile, personal distance - we just don't get them.

What's more, Aspies like me don't like those rules. They make no sense to us. So usually, we just say stuff - bluntly - and stare uncomfortably at the ground. That's how we roll.

But it gets even trickier for people of faith like me.

Feeling out of place at work is one thing. Feeling like an alien at church is a whole other matter.

Imagine Mr. Spock at an evangelical Christian tent revival, and you’ll get the idea.

And my father is a pastor, so I was in church a lot.

Multiple times, each week, every week, I found myself wishing I'd be moved by the worship music, or that I could shut off my skeptical mind during the sermons.

I'd see people in church services, Christian concerts and Bible camps overcome by emotion and enraptured with charismatic speakers, and I wondered why I didn't feel that way.

Why did I always feel like a cold observer?

After going to college, I was convinced my lack of feeling meant I was missing something, spiritually, so I joined charismatic Christian groups in which emotional manifestations of the Holy Spirit are common.

I desperately wanted to have what they had - an emotional experience of God's presence - and asked them to pray over me.

It didn't work.

When I didn’t move with the Holy Spirit or speak in tongues, they told me it was because I had rejected God.

I worried that it was the other way around: God had rejected me.

Maybe I felt like an alien because I deserved it. I deserved to be alienated, irretrievably and forever far from God.

I tried to pray, read the Bible, and do all the "right stuff." But I still felt out-of-touch.

I wondered if I was so broken, such a misfit that God simply took a look at me and decided to move on.

I wish I’d known then that I was an Aspie. And that God loves Aspies.

I still feel alienated from many parts of Christian culture, but Jesus himself finally reached me.

And man, did I feel that.

To people who are beaten down or befuddled by religious rules, Jesus offers something that no one else does: rest. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest," he says.

And he sums up the entirety of complex and confusing religious laws with this: “Love God, and love your neighbor.”

Beautiful. Even children can understand that.

The Bible tells a story about a man who approaches Jesus and admits that he has faith, but also strong doubts.

"Help me in my unbelief," he asks Jesus.

Jesus doesn't blast him. He loves him. To me, Jesus is the only one who really makes any sense.

Oddly enough, considering my medical condition, I'm now a radio personality on a network that plays Christian music.

It’s a beautiful fit, in many ways, because I get to talk to many people who also don’t fit in, and wonder if God loves them.

It’s true, though, others won’t understand me. I know that. I’m still an alien in the American Christian subculture.

Each evening I retreat from it, and I go straight to the Gospels.

It's not out of duty that I read about Jesus; it's a respite.

I long for it, because I'm awash in two strange and baffling cultures, both the irreligious and religious.

And I long for someone I can finally understand, and someone who might finally understand me.

Brant Hansen is a radio host on the Air1 network, where his show airs from 3-7 p.m. CT. He also writes a popular blog at air1.com. The views expressed in this column belong to Hansen.

it's utter mind-numbing nonsense that someone could die and somehow absorb every bad thought and bad deed that everyone had ever done or would ever do. Believing in a daddy figure in the sky is crazy enough but believing that this crucified bronze age zealot died for your sins just because a bunch of his followers took his body and claimed a miracle ... well, it's utter mind-numbing nonsense. Really, who comes up with this dreck!

October 20, 2013 at 11:50 am |

a reasonable atheist

Iron age zealot, tyvm!

October 20, 2013 at 9:58 pm |

BrianRunsPhilly

I could have done without the comparison of Aspergers to Spock. As the proud parent of a successful 'Aspie' I can tell you he is not the cold, emotionless, and wholly logical character that is Spock. He feels as deeply, if not more, than "normal" people. It's how these emotions are processed that is different. Logic is a way of bringing order to the confusion. It's no wonder that many people on the spectrum are highly intelligent and choose careers in science and technology.

Religion exists on a different plane. As Kierkkegard said, it requires a 'leap of faith.' I do not believe it is any harder or easier for those with Aspergers, it just means the path to faith is different. I'm a scientist, Ph.D. in Genetics. Also a strong believer (Jewish). My children were brought up to question everything, including their faith. And we are all stronger because of that willingness to question faith, and the requirement to constantly renew out belief in G-d's existence.

October 20, 2013 at 11:46 am |

tony

What were some of the great answers to the questions that made you keep your faith? Also what's the angle of that plane to the 3 dimensions we have here?

October 20, 2013 at 11:55 am |

BrianRunsPhilly

Honestly I am not sure how to answer. As a scientist I find a point at which there are questions I cannot answer. Even before the Big Bang the laws of physics existed. Now, science exists to explain "how." but when it comes to the "why" it will always reach some limit.

"Why" implies a purpose, an intent. It seems to me to be a projection on our part that we need to mean something in the universe. You get to exists. Isn't that wonderful enough. Do you really need to know why?

October 20, 2013 at 12:10 pm |

mfox

I say this to Atheists... Opinions are like A.s.s. Holes everyones got one.... Don't trample my beliefs and I won't trample yours.

October 20, 2013 at 11:40 am |

Richard Cranium

Really, then what have you done to remove the lie from our money, and the added phrase to the PoA, hijacking it from all of the people to just those who believe?
Have you worked to stop that trampling? If not, you are trampling and you will keep hearing about it.

October 20, 2013 at 11:43 am |

tony

Amen

October 20, 2013 at 11:57 am |

Failure

Sadly, our country has failed to live up to the ideals of its founders-

But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods, or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg. ... Reason and free enquiry are the only effectual agents against error. – Thomas Jefferson

Our country's founders believed that an American should be free to follow any god or none, yet in both the public and private sectors we persist in persecuting religous (or secular humanist) minorities.

As a practicing Christian, I find it ludicrous (and near blasphemous) that any Christian believes that [person faith terms follow] the Lord God Almighty needs any help from the coersive power of the government or the odium of public opinion. Christ's message is of love, fogiveness and tolerance.

“Religious factions will go on imposing their will on others unless the decent people connected to them recognize that religion has no place in public policy. They must learn to make their views known without trying to make their views the only alternatives.”

Thjis is a quote from "Mr. Conservative", the man who wrote "Conscience of a Conservative".

Conservative, Christian Americans should fight for the rights of atheists, Muslims, Jews, Sikhs, and any other method that a person deals with their concience. It is not the business of the state, unless it harms another, nor is the business of any other person, unless asked.

October 20, 2013 at 1:13 pm |

Dyslexic doG

Preventing you from forcing others into following your deluded rules is not persecution. Preventing you from making religious laws, is not persecution. Preventing you from injecting your fantasies into public schools, is not persecution. You have churches on every street corner in America. You have 100% representation in government. You have your motto imprinted on every dollar bill and uttered at every baseball game. You are the persecutor, not the persecuted. You confuse "not being in charge" with persecution.

Good point, also even though I don't have aspergers I think i am offended by the term aspies. Not sure, I will wait for bob costas to confirm that.

October 20, 2013 at 11:43 am |

BrianRunsPhilly

Aspies refer to themselves as that. There is no negative connotation to the label.

October 20, 2013 at 11:48 am |

Richard Cranium

Some may, but the term was likely not created by an of us that have Aspergers. I have never heard the term before, and as someone with Aspergers, I do not understand the need for a new term. I am not defined by it, so I would never refer to myself in such a way. Many just might be offended, as I wouldbe since it defines me by something that I deal with, not the operson I am.

Learn more about Aspergers. It has many social connotations, so while one might not think twice about it, another could easily be offended.

Richard, I'm the parent of a son with Aspergers. I am quite familiar with it, and I can tell you that, at least in this region, and within the medial practice he goes to, that is what they call themselves.

October 20, 2013 at 12:11 pm |

Richard Cranium

Brian
That may be, but I doubt any with Aspergers coined the term. As I said, some might not have an issue with it, some might just accept it as an odd social querk ( as that is a defining characteristic of Aspergers, difficulty in social interactions) and some might be offended. It would really depend on the individual, like some gay people do not like the term que.er.

Am I a Humie, because I am human, am I a musie, since I'm also a musician, am I a sceintie or a physie since I am a physisist, a testostrie since I am male?
To me it just makes no sense to reduce something to a made up term, perhaps one of the social things I do not understand, why people have to make up labels.

October 20, 2013 at 12:32 pm |

Mr Rogers

You hate native Americans. Got it.

October 20, 2013 at 11:58 am |

Darwin was right

Back in the 1930s, millions of GERMANS were "overcome by emotion and enraptured with charismatic speakers" and look what THAT led to! If humans would use more "cold" Asperger type logic in their lives, maybe we'd have fewer wars, conflicts, and terrorism – and also fewer TELEVANGELISTS flying around in private jets.

October 20, 2013 at 11:32 am |

Steel On Target

Doubtful, that's as silly as saying if women were in charge the world would be perfect.

October 20, 2013 at 11:34 am |

BrianRunsPhilly

That cold logic also gave ride to eugenics. Morality, whether religious or not, is still required

October 20, 2013 at 11:50 am |

Peruna

Curious you say that. The greatest perpetrators of genocide in the past century: Hitler, Stalin, Mao all rejected Christianity as well as any other faith. They all saw there actions as purely logical: to get rid of undesirables in order to make the world a better place. So excuse me if I don't take too much faith in those that have a lack there of.

October 20, 2013 at 12:18 pm |

Verimius

Russia and Nazi Germany were heavily Christian nations during their periods of mass murder. Didn't seem to help much. Plus, Where was God during all of this?

To me, the way humans behave to each other looks exactly like there is no god protecting us.

October 20, 2013 at 12:33 pm |

LizardMom

I've said this before and I'll say it again: I promise as a Catholic I would never comment on an article about atheism; it's none of my business. I do not believe atheists should fill up religious articles with blogs about how God does not exist. I am a neuroscientist by trade, and I understand genetics and how egg & sperm come together to make a baby whatever, but I still try to follow Jesus' teachings in my every day life, whether on the bench or on the bedside (I'm also a Master's prepared nursing professor). So keep it to yourselves, atheists. Bog on your own sites!

October 20, 2013 at 11:22 am |

Well Duh

I would bog on the atheists sites, but they're all blogged down.

October 20, 2013 at 11:27 am |

Well Duh

As a neuroscientist, what convinced you of God's existence?

October 20, 2013 at 11:29 am |

crom rules you

He will never answer that. They don't have any reasons, proof, or logic. They believe for social reasons – constructs of the mind.

November 19, 2013 at 5:47 pm |

Steel On Target

Oh, the old separate but equal argument. You atheists should just be quiet and let us christians do whatever we want. We don't like your heathen ideas therefore you should be separated from us all. I sincerely hope you don't allow your belief to influence your work as a scientist.

I agree people of differing opinions shouldn't post in other blogs. I liked this article and gained a lot of insight to Spock's religous struggles. Maybe his fight with Kirk was meant to be symbolic. What do you think??

October 20, 2013 at 11:33 am |

Steel On Target

Ok then, using that same logic. Then I ask christians to please don't make any comments to the school board or at PTA meetings. Please don't have any opinions on the legal decisions. Please stay away from women's health clinics and keep your mouth shut on what people do with and put in their bodies. Please don't ever come to my front door. Please keep your mouth shut on anything science related. Please don't vote in any government election or on any ballot measure. Agreed? Didn't think so.

October 20, 2013 at 11:39 am |

Well Duh

Pssst, Jesus built my hotrod is on our side. 😉

October 20, 2013 at 11:41 am |

a reasonable atheist

@JBmHR A mind is a very terrible thing to taste.

October 20, 2013 at 10:05 pm |

Nope

People shouldn't have to be quiet and keep their opinions to themselves just because you think they should. If you don't like the comments in a public forum, nobody is putting a gun to your head and demanding you read them.

Yes, yes, yes...we get it...you don't know the difference between the words religion and belief and you don't agree with free speech. Oh well, as long as christians keep voicing their opinion outside of their personal lives at home and their church, we'll keep voicing our opinion....someone has to save the world from the dangers of religion :-).

October 20, 2013 at 11:46 am |

Howie

Wouldn't a more logical response be to realize that the people 'speaking in tongues' and the like were completely delusional? The Aspergers effect provides a great logical filter on the irrational emotional responses of many humans. The author should have realized from a young age that there is no god and never was a jesus.

October 20, 2013 at 11:16 am |

tony

maybe aspbergers is a form of sanity instead.

October 20, 2013 at 11:23 am |

tony

Happy arbitraryfirst day of the week to all.

October 20, 2013 at 11:16 am |

tony

Not too long ago, babbling, thought disadvantaged folk were considered holy men and women

October 20, 2013 at 11:12 am |

Teachertami

Thanks so much for sharing Your testimony! I am a teacher who is blessed to have a classroom of students on the spectrum. I am also a Christian and I am blessed daily by my students 🙂

October 20, 2013 at 11:10 am |

tony

So you shouild be. Goodness an joy come form celbrating humanity, not godliness.

October 20, 2013 at 11:13 am |

JLF

If Spock went to church, he would immediately whip out the tricorder and start scanning the parishioners to determine what was causing the delusions and psychosis.

They are referencing Mr. Spock the character, not the actor who played Mr. Spock. Stupid post.

October 20, 2013 at 11:11 am |

Observer

Mr. Spock is a fictional character. Leonard Nimoy is an actor. Stupid comment.

October 20, 2013 at 11:11 am |

tony

Spock the character is an atheist

October 20, 2013 at 11:14 am |

I Don't Get It

Thanks first responders. I am simply amazed at so many hard-of-thinking people who have commented about the actor's (Nimoy's) personal beliefs! Let's put up a picture of Hannibal Lector and say that Anthony Hopkins IS that character, right?

October 20, 2013 at 11:46 am |

Dave

Too many evangelicals think church music and prayer is about feeling, about emotion. They make church about themselves rather than about God. It's sad.

October 20, 2013 at 11:02 am |

tony

Church is about th people whom form it. That's why churches and religions are different all over tthe World.

I'm down Tony, pass the collection plate and go heavy on the flesh and blood!

November 19, 2013 at 5:52 pm |

Richard Cranium

Your first problem is thinking that it is a handicap. I have had Apsergers long before they diagnosed it in me. It is not a necessarily a handicap. It just means I think differently. There are many times that my way of thinking has been a boon to me and others around me, in that I come up with answers and solutions no one else would come up with. In my line of work (sciences, [primarily physics), the Aspergers effects are often useful. Where I may struggle in social situations, I am at home working with advanced mathematics.

October 20, 2013 at 11:08 am |

Well Duh

So you're saying, the more mentally impaired you are, the easier it is to connect to God? Interesting.

The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
Yeah, christianity makes sense.

The issue of the article above is not only an issue of Aspies but a general issue.

How can a man know that he has got the real faith?

How can I know whether I am a real believer?

To some extent this is also the topic of St. Paul's Epistle to the Romans. The people belonging to the Church of Rome had accepted the Gospel of Jesus Christ but lacked spiritual success. Reason: Some Romans (the converted gentiles) considered Jesus' sacrifice as a mere atonement neglecting the redemption in Jesus; some converted Jews wanted to add the keeping of the law (of the Torah) on the Gospel. The majority of the Romans had failed to live as true Christians in word and deed through the redeeming power of Jesus sacrifice. St. Paul had to explain the Gospel to them again, he even considered it as necessary to visit them personally in order to share his sacral power as a divine Apostle with them.

Faith simply means when I a live as a true Christian in word and deed through the redeeming power of Jesus sacrifice. This Jesus power is stronger than my natural sinfulness. Of course it is a life-long exercise to apply Jesus' power.

What is th locus in space and time where and when I receive this power?

It is the sacramental baptism according to Romans 6 where I die and resurrect together with Jesus (Jesus death and resurrection is made present in an absolute real way for the person to be baptized). After sacramental baptism Jesus sacrifice is not only an atonement for me but also gives me the power to overcome my sinful nature (whereby this is a life-long battle because the sin is dwells in the limsbs of the body). Every day a baptized person can remember his or her baptism, and tell himself or herself that he or she has died for the sin, and entered Christ. This is valid even for people which have got very, very sinful habits, also for previously extreme sinners. The grace of God is for us all.

Hence, we don't need to search after certain spiritual experiences but should simply believe that we have died for the sin, and that we are in Jesus through baptism. When we more and more and step by step overcome our selfishness through this power, and love God and our neighbour we have and keep the real faith.

This is according to Bonhoeffer but I assume also according to the New Testament, Epistle to the Romans by St. Paul.

http://confessingchurch.wordpress.com

Addition: People believing in the sacramental character of baptism also accept infant baptism. The mystery of this faith is to accept that everything divine comes from outside to us: Salvation is "extra nos".

Praise to Jesus who died and rose for us. His sacrifice and resurrection is the basis of our salvation, and the object of our faith.

Freedom of opinion is valid even on this blog. Don't delete my comment!

Rainer Braendlein, don't obfuscate the primary prenuptials with rasberries. Often, the pertinent cat presents fabled necessities in the parking chamfer. Realize your net precedent. Triangulate! Save the best for the alligators. Ever the bastille notches the orchestra but Wendy is not green and horses will capitulate. Filter out the log from the turnstile and cry prevalently.

So there brown stare. Feed your inner walnut and resolve. Subject your lemon to the ingenious door in the presence of snow and animals. Aisle 7 is for the monetary cheese whiz. Faced with the kitchen, you may wish to prolong the sailboat in the cliff. Otherwise, rabbits may descend on your left nostril. Think about how you can stripe the sea.

Regale the storm to those who (6) would thump the parrot with the armband. Corner the market on vestiges of the apparent closure but seek not the evidential circumstance. Therein you can find indignant mountains of pigs and apples. Descend eloquently as you debate the ceiling of your warning fulcrum. Vacate the corncob profusely and and don’t dote on the pancreas.

Next up, control your wood. Have at the cat with your watch on the fore. Aft! Smarties (12)! Rome wasn’t kevetched in an autumn nightie. (42) See yourself for the turntable on the escalator. Really peruse the garage spider definitely again again with brown. Now we have an apparent congestion, so be it here. Just a moment is not a pod of beef for the ink well nor can it be (4) said that Karen was there in the millpond.

Garbage out just like the candle in the kitty so. Go, go, go until the vacuum meets the upward vacation. Sell the yellow. Then trim the bus before the ten cheese please Louise. Segregate from the koan and stew the ship vigorously.

And remember, never pass up an opportunity to watch an elephant paint Mozart.

Thank you, Jill! The perfect retort to Bronze age religiosity. You must be a Zen master.

October 20, 2013 at 11:10 am |

Jill

Rainer Braendlein, don't obfuscate the primary prenuptials with rasberries. Often, the pertinent cats present fabled necessities in the parking chamfer. Realize your net precedent. Triangulate! Save the best for the alligators. Ever the bastille notches the orchestra but Wendy is not green and horses will capitulate. Filter out the log from the turnstile and cry prevalently.

So there brown stare. Feed your inner walnut and resolve. Subject your lemon to the ingenious door in the presence of snow and animals. Aisle 7 is for the monetary cheese whiz. Faced with the kitchen, you may wish to prolong the sailboat in the cliff. Otherwise, rabbits may descend on your left nostril. Think about how you can stripe the sea.

Regale the storm to those who (6) would thump the parrot with the armband. Corner the market on vestiges of the apparent closure but seek not the evidential circumstance. Therein you can find indignant mountains of pigs and apples. Descend eloquently as you debate the ceiling of your warning fulcrum. Vacate the corncob profusely and and don’t dote on the pancreas.

Next up, control your wood. Have at the cat with your watch on the fore. Aft! Smarties (12)! Rome wasn’t kevetched in an autumn nightie. (42) See yourself for the turntable on the escalator. Really peruse the garage spider definitely again again with brown. Now we have an apparent congestion, so be it here. Just a moment is not a pod of beef for the ink well nor can it be (4) said that Karen was there in the millpond.

Garbage out just like the candle in the kitty so. Go, go, go until the vacuum meets the upward vacation. Sell the yellow. Then trim the bus before the ten cheese please Louise. Segregate from the koan and stew the ship vigorously.

And remember, never pass up an opportunity to watch an elephant paint Mozart.

The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.