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Assistant must learn to take boss's cues

Dear Harriette: I am a school administrator with a very busy schedule. My assistant is what my mother used to call an "eager beaver." He is always asking me a thousand questions, but also he likes to chitchat. Every morning before anything else happens, he wants to talk about what he did the night before. Sometimes I can do that, and I comply because I know it makes him happy. But other times we have to get to work right away. I get that people operate differently. What makes one tick may not be the same as others. How can I teach my assistant to do his job even when it means he can't have his desires instantly satisfied? — Getting Frustrated, Jersey City, New Jersey

Dear Getting Frustrated: You are right that people respond to different cues. It is wise for you to have noticed that your assistant appreciates personal interaction before starting his day. That you offer it when you can is smart. It is also important for you to teach him about priorities and the rules of your office. You can be straightforward with him and tell him that you want to review how to manage your day. Acknowledge that you know he likes to chat first. Point out that this does not work every time. Instead, sometimes what is required is to be totally focused on the job and getting each task completed on time and efficiently. If time is left over, pleasantries can be shared.

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Be clear that there may be days when it is simply not possible to do the personal interaction. Let him know that when that happens, it is not personal. It is work.

Dear Harriette: My grandmother died recently. In her will, she left me all kinds of trinkets and things that we used to play with when I was little. She did not leave much to my siblings, and she left none to their children. I feel embarrassed that she showered me with all of these things. I always knew she loved me, and we did spend a lot of time together, but still. I never expected to be singled out in such an uncomfortable way. I would like to share some of my bounty with my family, but I don't want to start an argument. Do you think it would be OK to make up gift packages for each one and send them individually to my family? I am afraid that if I invite them to come and choose, it will start all kinds of arguments. — Tenderhearted, Chicago

Dear Tenderhearted: When family members die, it is common for someone to be left out of the will and for others to get their feelings hurt. In your case, thank goodness for your generosity of spirit. Yes, it would be perfect to make individual gift boxes for each family member, including the children. Wrap them beautifully and add a note that they come with love from your grandmother. Then, even if relatives know that you were the recipient, they also know that you ended up being the responsible one who figured out how to share with everyone.

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