Reality Check

Whenever I write these vulnerable posts, my cursor hovers over the “Publish” button. I wrote this post last week. Chickened out publishing it and put it safely in “Drafts.”

On Sunday morning, I got Facebook’s “On this Day” memory. Sometimes there are some gems, sometimes there are cringe worthy moments. Bad fashion choices, hairstyles and hello exes. Eek.

I’ll get back to the reason I brought this up shortly…

This is what I had already written last week…

I’ve been feeling a bit down after not being as strict with my food and exercise. Yip. I’ve fallen off the wagon and I feel terrible. Not only has it made me feel lethargic, but I feel brain foggy and heavy. I can also see the effects.

My migraines are back and I have put on a bit of weight. Sure, it’s not a lot, but I want to stop this in it’s tracks before it gets worse. I know how quickly I can put on weight, in comparison to how long it takes to lose.

This isn’t a woe-is-me post, nor is it a fishing post, but it’s just my reality right now and if I can’t be honest with my feelings here, on my blog, well, then… it’s a shame.

I know that we each have our own feelings about what is over weight and what isn’t. I’m sure we’ve all been privy to some conversations with friends, where the one complains about being “fat” and the other friend’s say: “Nonsense! You look great!” Wondering how they could think they were fat in the first place.

I believe that we all have that place, where we feel our best, for our unique bodies and right now, I’m just not in the best place. I’m not beating myself up about it (OK honesty here… I have been, but I’m sorting that out.) I’d rather talk about it. It also makes me feel more accountable.

The first place I put on weight, is unfortunately my tummy and face. My face is normally the first to lose and my tummy is the last. I am back on track with my eating – not quite there yet with my exercise, but since it’s generally 80/20, I think it’s a good start.

The reality is, I just can’t be that person who eats badly on and off. I am an all or nothing type of person, anyway! I am not one for “moderation.” Define moderation. Your moderation and my moderation could be 2 completely different things. It’s not only about the weight, it’s about not feeling healthy. I don’t want to feel sick after a “cheat.” It’s just not worth it. The “delicious” taste actually isn’t worth what I go through afterwards.

Luckily, I think I know how to dress for the extra little bit of weight gain. I usually wear black and allow my tops to be a little looser than usual, to hide any muffin tops. Argh. Just writing that alone, makes me motivated to lose the weight.

Fast forward to opening Facebook on Sunday morning and getting the “On this Day” memory. The memory itself was a fun one. I was with some girlfriends at a lunch. It was when I saw my weight from back then, that it made stop in my tracks.

I’ve forgotten how far I’ve come. It served as an excellent reminder to a) stop being so hard on myself b) to congratulate and appreciate where I am today and c) to remind myself that this is a journey and I don’t want to ever go back to that space. It was motivating.

I’ve felt all the emotions again. Annoyed at myself for falling off the wagon. Angry because it is like starting at Day 1 all over again. Self pity/disappointment because I felt like I had taken so many steps backwards.

Looking upwards and onwards, I’ve been 100% back to my healthy eating for 8 consecutive days so far and it does feel good. They were bloody hard though – the cravings, the irritability, the feeling that this is so unfair and why can’t I just eat a huge slice of cake like other skinny girls. You know, all the feels!

I’m back to my Gold Star chart and I’m already feeling so much better, just in 1 week. The hardest week ever.

Today, Monday morning, I set my alarm clock for even earlier than normal start, and I actually went to gym. My God. I did it.

I only went for 30 minutes to do cardio and start getting my fitness levels up. I did 10 minutes of the bike doing 2 minutes on level 6, 2 minutes on level 8 and repeated that. I then did 10 minutes on the treadmill. 2 minutes of fast walking, 2 minutes of jogging and repeated. I finished on the spinning bike and did 2 minutes as fast as I could and 2 minutes, with a harder resistance, out of the saddle. I was red faced, out of breath and dripping with sweat. I was a hot mess. It was a great start and I’m aiming to do this every day and build my minutes up.

We are all human. We all fall of the wagon. It’s what we do afterwards that counts. This health and fitness lifestyle is definitely a journey.

Wow thank you so much. I have a question for you. Which Banting book did you start off with ? That big book that you get off Takealot.com ? The new Diet Revolution I think its called. I want to start Banting as I feel that it would better suit my lifestyle and also its not called a Diet as such. As I am kinda allergic to the word Diet.

Hi Jayne, I started with the red Real Meal Revolution by Prof. Tim Noakes.
While it is a big, brilliant recipe book – it’s the first few pages that were life changing.
I find so many people bought the book but never actually read it. If you read the beginning (go past the recipes) and read the back of the book (deeper explanations) it will be a light bulb “aha!” moment!
I also hate the word diet. This is the first “diet” that has become a lifestyle for me! Sure, it was a huge change. I grew up on fat free and wholewheat/rye EVERYTHING, so to turn it on it’s head and do the complete opposite was SO STRANGE… but when I started losing the weight (first time ever) and feeling much better (health wise)… I couldn’t deny it anymore!
I really hope this helps!

One of the hardest things is to love yourself and this isn’t easy to do when you don’t like the way you look. This is one of the most honest post’s I have read in awhile and I’m pretty sure many of us can relate to this. As you mentioned it’s much easier to put on weight than to lose it. And with the amount of body bashing going on these days, not many people realise what a difficult journey a healthy lifestyle is. You have shown us that with a bit of dedication and self belief, we can all achieve the body shape we want. It must have been pretty hard to write this blog – but thank you. Thank you for your brave words and the ever inspiration :).

Thank you Janine! Thanks for reading. I really appreciate our kind words! You’re right – the body bashing that happens is revolting! The things I see on young girls social media is shocking. I like to think I have a thick skin and even I can’t handle some of the comments sometimes… I’m not sure what we expect from those young girls! I wish the world were kinder… it definitely starts with ourselves!

Oh my. Bailey, your timing is impeccable.
Thank you for being honest and real and for being an ongoing inspiration to me and the many others who get the pleasure of reading your blog. You have a greater positive impact in our lives than you realise.

I’d like to share my story: (for the first time ever and probably the last – I like to hide behind smiles and sunflowers)
I have been more off of the wagon than actually on it, and have always been pretty hard on myself when it comes to my lack of discipline, I make bad food choices and then beat myself up for days afterwards which has led me down a pretty dark road of self destruction causing my self esteem to be at an all time low and blowing my anxiety levels sky high.
About 2 months ago, I decided that I needed to get out of the black hole that I have been digging myself into for the last 25 years and made an appointment with a mental health professional. Through regular therapy sessions and medication, I am slowly climbing the self worth ladder back up. I have a long and hard journey ahead of me, but for the first time in forever I have hope.

I have been feeling like I have fallen ten steps down lately and your post have made me realise that I need to be kinder to myself and show myself some more love, I deserve it, even if my dark thoughts tell me otherwise.

Wow Christelle, you are so amazing for sharing your journey! Thank you for this and I’m so glad you feel happy enough to share it on my blog! It’s such a compliment because I want this to be a space where we can chat and encourage each other! You’re already braver than you know!
I understand exactly what you mean and you should be proud of yourself for taking the bull by the horns and sorting it out so you can live your best life! It’s one day at a time! x

Wow! Once again you have hit the nail on the head! I got married two weeks ago and then picked up 4kgs on honeymoon which may not wound like a lot but on my 5ft already curvy frame it is a lot. I really started beating myself up about it until my husband looked right at me the other day and told me “Stop it! You are beautiful. It does go for a walk if it bothers you that much.” He did not say or mean it unkindly but he is 100% right… If you have fallen off the wagon do something to fix it even if it is something small… baby steps… celebrate the victories and let the slip up goes.. and you know what? I am already a kg down and I believe it is largely because I let it go and stopped focusing on it so much. We need to learn to recognize our achievements and celebrate them instead of focusing on the negatives (easier said than done). How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time (sorry very poor choice of a reference but I can think of no other way to express what I am trying to say) xx

Wow! Once again you have hit the nail on the head! I got married two weeks ago and then picked up 4kgs on honeymoon which may not sound like a lot but on my 5ft already curvy frame it is a lot. I really started beating myself up about it until my husband looked right at me the other day and told me “Stop it! You are beautiful. Go for a walk if it bothers you that much.” He did not say or mean it unkindly but he is 100% right… If you have fallen off the wagon do something to fix it even if it is something small… baby steps… celebrate the victories and let the slip ups go.. and you know what? I am already a kg down and I believe it is largely because I let it go and stopped focusing on it so much. We need to learn to recognize our achievements and celebrate them instead of focusing on the negatives (easier said than done). How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time (sorry very poor choice of a reference but I can think of no other way to express what I am trying to say) xx

Congratulations on your marriage, Danica! Best feeling in the world, hey? Sounds like you have a gem of a husband too!
Yes.. I LOVE the analogy because it’s so true! One step/bite at a time.
It’s so easy to berate ourselves, which causes a negative spiral … but when we let go, be kind to ourselves and start actioning things (even the smallest change), it’s the most empowering feeling in the world! Thank you for sharing, it means a lot! x

As always, a brilliant post! And this is a topic that is constantly running through every woman’s mind! Recently I have felt the podge coming back. I tried to deny it and to not look too long in mirrors but it’s there whether I take notice or not. I have fallen off the wagon and I need to own that but I am determined to keep trying and making mindful choices and that is better than giving giving up and to stop caring about my health entirely. I also have certain ailments that come back when I’m meatier and I that is not ok!

Love this post!!! I also started the star chart thing and its definitely a motivator to avoid all the unhealthy choices we are tempted to make… thank you for the constant motivation and encouragement. I love the “remember how far you have come, not just how far you have to go” …. I often need to remind myself to take baby steps – not to expect a drastic change in a matter of a week and then get demotivated when I realize “still another 30kgs to go” – this is one tough journey to be on!! Well done on how far you have already come and remember you are an inspiration to many xxx

I have all the faith in you! Like Danica said in a comment below: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time 😉 It’s so funny, but it’s so true! Baby steps get the best results! I do not know ANYONE who has got a quick fix and changed their size in a week. Big love and remember to continue the EFT (do it as often as you can) x

To be honest, when I saw the photo of you from last year I thought, “Hang on, she looks fabulous – this must be the wrong photo…”. 🙂 Since we are our own greatest critics, we need to differentiate between feeling bad about ourselves on the outside (not happy with the way we think we look due to our emotions) and feeling bad on the inside (not physically healthy due to lifestyle choices). I think your pursuit for healthier habits indicates the latter (and the no-sugar calendar is something I aspire to), but when the emotions take over, remember that there are plenty of people who still think you’re fabulous 🙂

Hey Kirsten! You’re the sweetest! Thank you for the lovely comment. Emotional eating is the worst and often we don’t realise it’s what we’re doing until it’s too late! I’m glad I’ve been getting a handle on it and it’s also a reminder that it’s a journey and constant love and kindness to ourselves! Thanks for reading and leaving this comment – I appreciate it so much x

Well this post has certainly resonated with A LOT of us. I too have fallen off ALL wagons. I have stuffed cake, chocolate and all manner of goodies into my face since my dad passed away. Not healthy. I am re-evaluating my diet and my plan of action. It’s so hard sometimes. I am heavier than I have been in ages. I also want to scream: it’s not fair….but that’s life. We all need to take it one day at a time. Thanks for being honest. I haven’t wanted to face my weight gain, but I have to.

Hey Louise! I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad! Of course you’re emotional and will emotionally soothe! I’m so sorry, but be kind to yourself too! You’re coping with a lot at the moment. When you’re ready to get healthy you will! You’re motivation for me – would LOVE to look as good in a bikini 😉 Sending you the biggest hug! If you need extra motivation, let me know – it’s good to have support! x