I have not been here for awhile.
I just got too tired to talk of my pain.

Things have changed since I wrote my profile.
1year ago my ws admitted that he had an affair (although he doesn't call it that), for a few months. Not the one night stand, twice, while drunk.

It hurt so bad. I went back into therapy for a few months, alone again.
We don't have personal talks anymore. Haven't for a year. He responds with anger and I have died emotionally too much to care anymore.
I am staying for the kids and because I am scared to make it alone. Also because he has taken most of our personal money to invest in his company and so we couldn't afford to be separated.
I was a stay at home mom, but I have started working as a casual. But that doesn't make enough money for me yet.
Recently I mistakenly talked about my day at work and he criticized where I work, again.
This time I asked to not do that because it didn't make me feel good. He reacted with anger.
This is the kind of life I now live.
I am loosing a big part of me.

He will then act like nothing is wrong and try being nice and attentive again. For awhile.
And I then feel like the bad person when I get more and more detached from him as time goes on.

I can't hug him back....I can't put any effort into showing him affection.

I know what I should do
I am just weak.
And most of the time I just don't care anymore.
But I do get lonely.

So here I am again.

Hello everyone!

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.

Posts: 3268 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada

summerain♀ 37439Member # 37439

Posted: 3:22 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013

I am so sorry. I have no words of advice. However I think what you are doing, (getting back into the workforce) etc is really smart. Make sure to be on the lookout for more stable work so you can get out of there asap

I wish you all the best I am so sorry for what you are going through

OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia

Alex CR♀ 27968Member # 27968

Posted: 5:16 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013

(((deena))) So sorry for what you are going through now....try to take good care of yourself. Is IC possible? Or is there someone IRL you can talk with who can help you find your way through this - a relative, member of the clergy?

You are not weak, you are just temporarily worn down......reading the 180 and the Healing Library here can help......and keep posting 'cause you are not alone in this....we are all here to listen and help each other.

[This message edited by Alex CR at 5:18 AM, October 24th (Thursday)]

BS Me 63
WS Him 64
Married 35
Together 41
DD 11/16/09
I can dwell in the negative or seek the positive...one road is lonely...the other teeming with life.

Posts: 1861 | Registered: Mar 2010

brokensmile322♀ 35758Member # 35758

Posted: 5:22 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013

Hi Deena! It's good to see you here again! :)

I am sorry you are back because you are hurting. I hope you will find support here to do what you need.

Knowing what you need to do is an important first step. Getting a job again is another good step. 2 things started :) and you are back!

Your in IC again which is also a great thing. Have you started doing some extracurriculars for yourself? Getting involved in things you enjoy or used to enjoy long ago is a great thing too.

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."

Posts: 2038 | Registered: Jun 2012

deena♀ 27275Member # 27275

Posted: 8:19 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013

Thanks everyone for your support.

I do not have anyone to talk to as I have not told anyone about this.

I did counselling. But stopped. It helped initially to talk it out, but then I felt it was now up to me to decide what to do.

I have a strange feeling.....I feel that the way ws handled everything is almost the marriage deal breaker as wasthe cheating. Does that make sense? I feel that maybe if ws was open and honest once the crap hit the fan......if he had been more supportive of my feeling and didn't shut down conversation about this whole mess.......that maybe things could have been better.
Right now I feel empty.
Even when he is being nice and not going out anymore.

It does feel good to talk about it, but also I find it hard to talk about it too often

Thanks again for the hugs and support.

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.

Posts: 3268 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada

atsenaotie♂ 27650Member # 27650

Posted: 8:41 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013

Hi deena,

nice to hear from you again, but so sorry for your situation. I agree that the TT and mismanagement by the WS can be as bad or worse than the A itself.