Latest revision as of 02:28, November 5, 2014

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The best way of doing kamasutra is in relief on rock. This gives participants abundant support from the mortar that attaches them to the underlying rock. Participants are able to maintain the difficult contortions of Kamasutra while maintaining unfettered erection(s) for prolonged periods. One should however be careful not to attach the hips or genitals to the underlying rock for these will in motion when Kamasutra occurs. In the rare event when genitals or hips do accidentally get fused to the rock, the Kamasutra suggests the following remedy:

Intermediate level positionNote how the horse's hips are fused to the rock to avoid injury to the horse's buttocks from vigorous to and fro

Have thy fellowmen immerse thy sculpture in a bath of milk, fragranced with rose petals, roasted asafoetida, cumin, fresh twigs of turmeric and jasmine for a period lasting from dawn to dusk. Then have them wash thee with fresh spring water collected from the mouth of the Ganges at Rishikesh. This done, have them gently caress thine entire sculpture with tender twigs of the neem. This should make thine sculpture feel very relaxed and at ease. (Chapter 2, Verse XI)

Regular Kamasutra is known to prolong life and promote a sense of well being in people who practise it. It is also associated with improved short term memory and high levels of alertness. People in jobs with a high level of stress like surgeons, pilots and presidents of America have been advised to have Kamasutra with their nurses, cabin crew and interns, respectively, before embarking on any assignment (and preferably during the assignment too for better results). In parts where Kamasutra is widely practiced (for example South Asia), the inadvertent omission of a chapter on contraception in the Kamasutra's text has led to disastrous consequences with the resources of the world being stretched to accommodate a rapidly burgeoning human population. Kamasutra was thus banned in these parts in 1982. Its chief patrons today are western nations with a sparse population (but tough immigration laws).

The Kamasutra was written in India in the early 9th century CE by a group of celibate sages who had no experience in the art of love making. It is one of several holy sutras that cogitate on life and living. Many chapters from the sutra are vividly depicted on the temple walls in Konark and Khajurao. Though it appears that their purpose was to distract pilgrims, it was later explained that their purpose was to expose pilgrims to a surfeit of erotica before they entered the inner sanctum sanctorum. In this way, it was hoped that the pilgrims would temporarily exhaust their feelings of love and lust and thereby enter the temple sanctified and pure. This theory is debatable because God left these temples in the 13th century after noticing that pilgrims thronged the temple walls but never entered the temple.

The Kamasutra was popularized in contemporary culture by John Lennon after he introduced it to the Western World along with the sitar, elephants, marijuana and yoga. However it's virtues were no secret to South Asian men. That is why Indian men are among the most virile and the most accomplished in the art of love making. (If you have a thing for that Indian dude, go for it. No better way to getting introduced to Kamasutra).