Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Mrs. Lumbar: "Well, my husband has a set of exercise balls, not the huge ones, but the small ones you roll across your muscles, and the pressure from those helps. So I'm able to get comfortable and sleep, but only if I spend the night lying across his balls".

One of my students (in college) while working in class on their thesis statement for an essay on feminism asked me if "Can you see your womanhood?"

"um excuse me?" I spluttered

"can you see your womanhood?"

"I am not sure exactly what you are trying to ask," I responded. Which was the truth. She was trying to work on the proper way to say something (I am still not sure what, precisely), but all I could think of responding was "not without a mirror!" which seemed singularly inappropriate. It was also very hard not to laugh hysterically.

Anonymous - that reminds me of the time I went to see a urologist and he asked me (I kid you not) "are your labia always this red?" All I could think was "how the hell should I know?! It's not like I sit around looking at 'em with a mirror all the time." I refrained from saying this, though, as he was about to come at me with a foley catheter. But, damn, you'd think he'd have figured out by now that just because he can see his parts doesn't mean I can see mine!

Count me in with the 12 year olds...Ibee, I'll never know how you can keep a straight face. And I'm pretty sure you don't sip on a Diet Coke while talking with patients because the Coke spewing out of your nose would be a dead giveaway that you were laughing.

These comments remind me of two things:1) In Greek archaeology, there is such as thing as "Lesbian architecture." As in, made in a style first developed on the island of Lesbos. In spite of knowing this, it's really hard to keep a straight face when you hear papers read at a conference all about how tightly the blocks fit together in those lesbian walls and lesbian buildings and lesbian palaces and such.

2) I had a C-section about four years ago and the scar is a bit higher on the right than the left. I don't particularly care, but my OB/Gyn has mentioned it, like, three times during exams. (Maybe it's a quality-control thing, since she made the cut.)Finally I said, "You know something? Anyone who gets close enough to notice that either likes me for my personality or is being paid to examine it."

I'm thinking of having it tattooed to look like crime-scene tape after my next child comes through there in March.

Welcome to my whining!

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