No, we’re not talking about broadcasting the dying-cow sound of your orgasm for all your neighbors to hear. We’re talking about getting some decent speakers to put in your bedroom when you’re doing it to music. Tunes can really help set a mood. (There’s a good reason why movies always set the sex scene to surround-sound music.) But having those tunes come out of a tinny little alarm-clock radio on your night-stand can work against that mood when you’re acting out your own sex scene. You don’t have to go big or pricey. Get something like Cyber Acoustics Subwoofer/Satellite System: put a speaker on either side of the bed (for balanced sound) and — now this is essential — put the subwoofer under the middle of your bed by the headboard. Then just plug your mp3 player into the system and you’re good to go. If you don’t have a gift for making cool or appropriate playlists, try Pandora.com, one of the greatest inventions of the 21st century: you create your own “station” by plugging in a song or artist you like into their database, and they automatically and immediately create an endless playlist of similar stuff — all for freakin’ free! For perennially good dramatic sex music, try entering “Massive Attack” (but only if it’s dark out and you’ve lit some candles).

According to our tech god friend, sub woofers aren’t directional — the sound radiates out in all directions — so just put it on the ground the way that it looks like you should. For example, with the brand we recommend, it’s got four little legs you stand it on, and although it LOOKS like the speaker part of it is on the bottom, again, the bass just radiates out. But if you’re still not convinced, just try turning it in different ways to see if that has any effect, good or bad. (We just wouldn’t place it in such a way that it’s cords are getting squished.)

Thanks! When I was setting up the sound system in my living room I was told to put the woofer against a wall facing out, so I assumed there was some sort of directional component. At this point I just have to find one that will fit under my bed. The one you recommended had some less than stellar reviews so I’m doing a little research to see if there’s a comparably sized/priced system with a little more durability.