SB: “Not a good move for you. Not a good move for anyone, actually, but especially not a good move for you.”

Tex: “I don’t understand.”

SB: “Mark, this is your one shot. This is it. Think back to when Manny left Cleveland. He was 28. He signed for $160 million for 8 years in Boston. He could have gone to a bunch of clubs at that point, but Boston was good for him because he was going to a team that was on the verge of winning. He helped them win two World Series and now, at 36, he’s going to cash in again, one more time, even though he’s probably not the player he was 3 or 4 years ago.”

Tex: “How does this affect me?”

SB: “Simple…you need to go somewhere now and get your big deal out of the way. You’re 28 just like Manny was back in 2000. Go to a contender. Stay in Los Angeles with the Angels, that would be my recommendation. I can bilk them out of at least $130 million for 6 years.”

Tex: “Can’t we get Baltimore up near that number?”

SB: “You’re missing the point. You have to look at this like it’s a 10-year deal. Let me get you six in Anaheim. You’ll wind up winning a World Series or two during that time span. Then, when your 6-years are complete, you’ll be 36 and we’ll be able to hoodwink Baltimore out of a 4-year deal for $80 mil or so.”

Tex: “Well, I guess the thing I like is –”

SB: “Listen, kid. You go to Baltimore right now and there’s a pretty good chance you’re not going to win anything. And guess who they’re gonna blame? Probably you, you and you. Well, there’s a radio station in town they blame a lot of their other stuff on, but in terms of winning on the field, they’re going to blame the bonus baby – Mark Teixeira. You go there in six years, you’ll be coming home to finish up a Hall of Fame career in your hometown — it will be a great final chapter in your career.”

Tex: “But if we could just get Baltimore up near the hundred million range, even for five years, I’d take it.”

SB: “No, Mark, that’s not the way to think. You need to think maximum-income. How much can you make? That’s how you need to think. Money – AND – winning.”

Tex: “Well, what if Baltimore offers the most money?”

SB: “Then we go with the winning angle and tell them thanks but no thanks.”

Tex: “Wait, you just said I should think maximum-income.”

SB: “Don’t worry about what I said…”

Tex: “Wait, aren’t I supposed to be listening to you? You’re my agent, after all.”

SB: “That’s right, I am. Now, let me run and get the Angels on the phone and get this deal for you.”

Tex: “I guess I should call my dad and tell him Baltimore is out of the picture?”

SB: “No, tell him you’re going to sign in Baltimore in six years. First, we need to go make $130 million in Los Angeles. We’ll stay on good terms with the O’s and check back with them in 2014. They’ll have a lot of money by that point.”

Tex: “OK, but dad’s gonna be disappointed.”

SB: “He’ll be fine. Buy him a chalet in Switzerland for Christmas. We can pick one up on EBay for $5.6 million if we do the ‘Buy Now’ thing.”