Conservative MP resigns after embarrassing incident

Tory MP Gerald McFisty of Chipping Sodbury resigned today following his public humiliation after being caught in an intimate pose at the weekend.

A hotel worker opened the door to his room to find him naked except for women's underwear, a gimp mask, and completely covered in chocolate. Three prostitutes wearing World War II German uniforms had sacrificed a goat over the MP and rubbed the blood over his genitals, pleasuring him vigorously in the process. A menagerie of animals had also been inserted into the disgraced politician's person, many of which had suffocated during the act.

Mr McFisty apologised to his long-suffering wife, his constituents and his party as he resigned, saying, "It was all just a huge misunderstanding. I didn't do anything illegal."

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