This old-timey book will help you learn to rhumba, samba, jitterbug, and square dance. But not, sadly, hustle.

While you’re idly fantasizing about one day being simultaneously famous enough and washed up enough to appear on Dancing with the Stars, maybe you could track down this old instructional book on dancing. Its title? Dancing. Imaginative. The fox trot beckons to your two left feet.

Maybe have a friend pluck out some depressing music on a Sparkle Plenty ukette to accompany your practice steps.