Note: This is a seattlepi.com reader blog. It is not written or edited by the P-I. The authors are solely responsible for content. E-mail us at newmedia@seattlepi.com if you consider a post inappropriate..

True Blood: Whooping Cranes

Oof, man, what is even happening on this show? I don’t know, you guys, this is a rocky start for me. This episode ended with Jessica praying to Bill like he was God. What? I’m only bringing this up immediately so that I never have to talk about it again. I’m embarrassed for everyone involved. On the plus side, though, we did get to see Eric pretend to be a little nerd trying to save whooping cranes. That was pretty spectacular.

Rutger Hauer revealed that he’s not actually Warlow; he’s Jason & Sookie’s fairy grandfather. (No duh, no doi. Thanks, Internet.) Not only that, back at Sookie’s house, Grampa Rutger confesses that Warlow has been obsessed with the Stackhouse family for thousands of years because they are fairy royalty. Yes, Sookie is a fairy princess (but Jason is not a fairy prince, much to his disappointment, because the gene skipped him). Grampa Rutger’s then all “Time to teach you how to use up all of your fairy magic in one move just in case of emergencies, you’re definitely never going to need it.” She makes this ball of light full of all her hopes and dreams and love and…sigh, I want to be into this but:

I’m so glad Rutger Hauer is here, but don’t make him say these things! Do better!

Did I mention that Tara was shot last week? Too many things happen on this show, some things are going to fall through the cracks SORRY but it turns out it was a silver bullet that emits UV light. Which is pretty shocking stuff. The group all argues about scouring the Vampire Bible again to find something on resurrections because Eric’s sister hasn’t been reading this book every day for, what, a hundred years at least, and she’s never once come across anything except later in the episode she might have? Something about humans being part of it? All I know is, Eric, I think your sister might be a bit of an idiot. I mean, let’s just look at this quote from the Vampire Bible:

“And so it was that the people led Lilith to the sun. And so it shall be again. As the blood ascends, two will become one; when light and dark collide, our salvation is at hand.”

Seriously, Nora, how long have you been reading this book AND THIS NEVER STOOD OUT TO YOU?

At Merlotte’s, Michelle’s friend Denise from Full House shows up with a group of friends who are part of some radical group who wants equality for supernatural creatures. She tries to convince Sam to announce to the world that he’s a shifter, though to what end who even knows? Sam and I are just like:

Lafayette’s tea party dress-up game is on FIYAH, HUNTIES, when he’s babysitting Emma for Sam. Sadly, that’s all coming to an end thanks to power-obsessed Alcide showing up with Emma’s grandmother, Winter’s Bone, and kidnaps her against Luna’s dying wishes. Not happy with you, Alcide; get it together!

The best part of this episode was for sure the scene in which Eric, disguised as a nerdy conservation worker, confronted the Governor. Setting aside the fact that Eric’s nerdy alter ego was ahmahzing, it was pretty brilliant to find out that the Governor was wearing contacts that protect him from being glamoured/hypnotized. Not only that, but there’s more they’ve learned about the vampires. That’s an interesting dynamic! Let’s find out more about the science of vampires! How do they frickin’ work? I’m also totally down to see what Eric has cooked up by glamouring the Governor’s daughter (after she visibly removed her contacts) and how he’ll use that to his advantage against the anti-vampire gov’ment.

Bill can hear/feel/see all the vampires in the world now, apparently, particularly ones who are being lit on fire or being dragged in chains behind trucks driven by hillbillies. This makes him have some kind of overload and he slips into some kind of coma where he speaks to Lilith. Jess tries to snap him out of it by offering him some hooker to eat, but he telepathically breaks the girl’s bones in crazy Japanese horror film sorts of ways and makes all of her blood fly out of her mouth and into his without him ever waking up.

In Bill’s dreamscape, he’s communing with Lilith and OH MY GAWD the nonsense with Lilith saying Bill is not God because “only God is God” was just so brutally hamfisted. Like, what is Lilith’s end game even? Is she actually good? Does she want vampires and humans to get along like they used to in middle school and bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy…

I think that’s pretty much everything that happened right? What did you think of this week’s episode? I’m intrigued to see if they’re going to really delve into the science behind how vampires work, like figuring out how glamouring/hypnotizing works, the UV-emitting silver bullets. That’s nifty storytelling! The fairy nonsense is making this show unbelievable (and unbelievably bad, IMHO) so grounding it in reality in this way is exciting!

Oh! Also!

I am ignoring the Bellefleur family until further notice. Both Andy & Terry. I can’t with their unnecessary C story lines.

Note: This is a seattlepi.com reader blog. It is not written or edited by the P-I. The authors are solely responsible for content. E-mail us at newmedia@seattlepi.com if you consider a post inappropriate..