Has the Pain and Stress of Divorce Caused You to Take up Bad Habits?

All of a sudden, you find yourself with a cigarette in your mouth. Your father died of emphysema ten years ago and, until this moment, you hadn’t smoked up since.

The stress of divorce has pushed you to the cigarette’s comfort, even though you know it can kill you.

Bad Habit Two:

You’re living alone and you just went on a date with an interesting guy. He told you he doesn’t want to see you again, so you return home alone and rejected. Your kids are sleeping upstairs. Your mom just left—she watched them while you were out. You rarely drink, but you find that half a bottle of wine is already gone. And you’re almost finished with a carton of ice cream.

Examples One and Two aren’t evil, but on a repetitive basis, they are surely destructive to your health and well being. Both situations are examples of regression; when a person returns to a less mature way of functioning because they are under stress, they are, by definition, regressed.

Note that the emotional instability and a sense of helplessness, so common in divorce, can be precursors to resuming bad habits.

Example one is very common. Data from 2005-2007 revealed that, in the US, the population of divorced and separated men and women had almost twice as many smokers (30.6%) as the married population (16.2%) (Schoenborn and Adams, 2010).

Once you start smoking again, it’s difficult to stop. As hard as this fact may be to swallow, we’d like to point out that the life expectancy of a chronic smoker is ten years shorter than that of a non-smoker (Kaufman, 2004). Since your kids need you alive and well, this fact is as precious as the statistic on car accidents.

Example Two is also common. Schoenborn and Adams (2010) found that obesity was more prevalent and healthy weight less prevalent among divorced and separated women than among married women. Heavy drinking was also more prevalent in the population of divorced and separated men and women than it was in the married population. If smoking and drinking or binge eating were your coping mechanisms of choice in the past, you may now find yourself returning to old standbys.

First, acknowledge that you have regressed. It is not as bad as it sounds. We all do it. Regression is common for everyone under stress, married, single or divorced. The problem with divorce is that the stress can take years to abate.

Now deal with your upset with both long term planning and short term prevention strategies. Take pleasure in knowing that you are alive and well and that this will get better one day. I mean it. Find pleasure in taking better care of yourself. It is a good antidote to the destructive pleasures of pigging out, drinking or smoking.

Have a buddy who is on your side and beat the need for a destructive pleasure.

After all, the best mistake is the one you don’t make.

Author Bio: Mark R. Banschick, M.D. is a diplomat of the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology with over 20 years of experience in child and adolescent psychiatry. TheIntelligent Divorce course evolved from his work as an expert witness in custody disputes. Dr. Banschick has appeared on the CBS Early Show and has been quoted in The New York Times, The Huffington Post and firstwivesworld.com.

Dr. Mark Banschick’s book, The Intelligent Divorce, is a powerful and inspirational self guided resource that will change your life and the lives of your children.

Comments

Excellent advice.
Having been guilty of several backslides into behaviors like these myself, I can say from experience that overcoming these vices can be used as motivation for getting over the divorce and the emotional stresses that come with it.
Instead of focusing on the divorce and the things that you can not control, you can take on these smaller targets and focus your energy and thoughts into conquering them. Achieving these smaller goals will allow you to feel good about yourself and give you the confidence and strength to heal on a larger scale.
Best of luck
Jack

You go through what anyone would find grueling and difficult. Then you have to deal with your ex spouse, who may be impossible or just unhelpful and you still have children to raise, money to think about and then – there is loneliness.

Who can blame you for eating too much ice cream, finishing half a bottle of wine or picking up smoking again. You are stressed and you need comfort. And bad health habits are self re enforcing. The more you over eat, drink or smoke today, the more likely you are to over eat, drink or smoke tomorrow.

So, the answer is to look honestly at yourself before things have gotten too far out of control – and get some help.

We, human beings, can game ourselves into doing almost anything that may be bad for us, but makes us feel good in the moment. All the vices apply; drinking, gambling, overeating, drugs, pornography – you name it.

In my experience, a therapist who specializes in these matters can make all the difference. You will learn to be objective and act in ways that are truly about loving yourself to the best of your ability. That good energy of healthy self care can be satisfying in and of itself. When you feel good, you will want more of it, and continue to treat your body and soul with respect.

You see, good health habit are self re enforcing as well.

This is the role model that you want to provide to your children. We all fall short. But, picking yourself up and making things better is the mark of real health.

After all, divorce is hard. You may have a difficult ex; you may be worried about money (who isn’t) or your children. So, you pig out on some ice cream, or finish half a bottle of wine or pick up smoking again. It makes you feel better.

And bad habits lead to more bad habits. You eat more, drink more often and can’t quit your cigarette habit once started. And now you read this post, which can make you feel more guilt, so why bother trying. You’ll fix it tomorrow, or sometime thereafter.

No guilt here.

I understand how hard it can be. Addictions, whether to food, drink, gambling, porn or even anger can be the release that you are looking for. But the cost to your body, your soul and to your kids is not worth it.

So, consult a counselor. It is hard to kick a habit by yourself. We are all just too good at gaming ourselves into putting everything off to tomorrow. But, when you start to love yourself properly, you will naturally continue to take better care of yourself.

It is a positive cycle. The mind and body enjoy being healthy. You will want to continue to be good to yourself once you get the ball rolling in the right direction.

JOIN US!

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