You will need to sign on with your LLLID (La Leche League ID) before you can post. If you have never claimed your LLLID, create your LLLID now. To sign in, click the LLLID Sign On button in the upper right corner. Enter your LLLID Alias and click the button again.

Re: At my wits end....

I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. You have done an amazing job nursing your son this long and have given him a wonderful gift. He is definitely at an age when you can start placing limits on his nursing. He should be able to understand that he must wait if you tell him to and that he must stop if you tell him to. And who knows, maybe once you have established limits it will ease some of your discomfort about nursing and you will decide you can continue a little bit longer- but even if that doesn't happen I think your first move is to start limiting nursing. You don't need to use a bottle or formula or anything else at this point, just start cutting out nursing sessions slowly. I found it was easiest on me and my dd to not refuse to let her nurse, but if she asked I would distract her with something else- a snack, a drink of water or juice, a game/toy/activity. And at times when I knew she would probably ask to nurse I'd use the distractions before she even asked and that worked best.

Do you nurse at night? If you are interested in cutting out night time nursing I highly recommend the Dr. Jay Gordon method.

“We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
--Anonymous

Re: At my wits end....

Sorry mama . I totally agree with pp - you can definitely set some limits at this age. I'm sure you set limits on many other things in his life and this is also something that needs limits if it's getting out of control and making you uncomfortable. Have you checked out the weaning section on www.kellymom.com? It's a great website that is referred to often on these boards. I think even setting some very small limits at this point (if that is all he will accept without a huge fight at this point) will go a long way towards giving you back some feeling of control. It's ok to tell him no!

Does he nurse in public too? That would seem to me to be the easiest to cut out - you tell him that from now on we only nurse when we are at home. Before you go out tell him that we are not going to nurse when we are out but we can when we get home. Make sure he knows that you are not cutting him off entirely all at once - for instance, you can tell him "no, we are not going to nurse now, but you can nurse later, before your nap" or whatever. And then offer him a snack or water in case he really is hungry or thirsty. Maybe go out and buy some new snacks he's never had before or some new little toys or books to distract him with. As pp said, cutting down slowly usually works best. I know this is all easier said than done - he may protest a lot, but as in a lot of other things being consistent is key. Good luck.

Re: At my wits end....

, mama, i can honestly say i understand you might feel alone but know we are all here and most of us will at some point feel the same i have put everything on hold even friends to take care of my lo and as much as we love them it can be the biggest challenge we will over come but we will over come it. and hopefully raise a wonderful person and find ways of having fun while doing it.

i am talking to myself too lol because my son is very clingy too and now because of his screaming out and about i haven't been going anywhere but i do suggest getting out of the house and going to a park or maybe even calling a friend for a play date.
it might be clea shea but try and take some time to sit and breath it can really help .
i know i could have more to say but i have to get to bed now i can't believe i have been on here so long lol,
you should check out my other post and you might understand what i have been going threw to , but if you ever need to talk let me know take care

Re: At my wits end....

Thanks for posting this thread. I have a 17 month old frequent nurser too. I want to really end the night nursing. I am exhausted and have not had more than a 2 hour stretch of sleep since Dec ember 2007 (his birth). I love nursing, but I am too tired and now getting frustrated at night.

This kid does not take no for an answer when it comes to nursing and co-sleeping. He is good in all other areas. But when denied nursing or cosleeping, he is hysterical until sick.

Re: At my wits end....

When my DD was around 18 months old, I got so fed up with nursing! She was so incredibly demanding. I think the good news is that now is a terrific time to start the weaning process- and that doesn't mean that you need to cut your son off, cold-turkey style, just that you can start setting some limits. At 17 months your baby can probably understand "Not now, we'll nurse after we finish shopping" or "If you want to nurse, you need to put your toy in the box first." You can also start offering substitutes for nursing- "You can nurse or you can have some crackers", for example. That sort of thing can be the first step to eliminating nursing sessions, and by the time your son is 2 you'll either be done with nursing or you'll have cut it back to a bearable level.

Weaning is supposed to be a gradual process- if you wean slowly, you're not risking getting engorged or winding up with plugged ducts or mastitis. That doesn't mean you can't wean abruptly- just that if you choose to do it that way you should stay alert for the aforementioned side-effects. (Peppermint and sage tea is also supposed to be helpful for decreasing milk supply, so if you decide to wean quickly you might want to treat yourself to a few cups.)

If you do decide to wean slowly, nursing should become easier even if you don't do much. I think a lot of toddlers go through a stage where they realize that they can use their new-found communication skills to make mommy breastfeed them, and they practice those skills until mom is tearing her hair out. But eventually the skill gets to be old hat, and the toddler moves on to something new.

Re: At my wits end....

I can relate. I was there not more than 3 weeks ago. From about 18 months to 23 months I was there. I was so tired and frustrated because I honestly felt like I had a newborn on my hands. I love nursing, but he wanted to nurse all the time. He didnt just ask, but he demanded. Saying no didnt work either. A lot of people would suggest that I get his attention elsewhere and do something else with him. That never worked if we were at home. He would just scream until I let him nurse. He would nurse upwards of every hour.

Anyhow, the best advice I have is to stay active outside the house. That is what has helped LO wean a bit. That is the only weaning that has happened. The big change for us is that I went from nursing 4-5 times a night to LO sleeping through the night. It happened instantly too. One day I decided to try the crib instead of co-sleeping as we have done for his whole life and he honeslty just slept and woke once. It was a miracle. The next day he did the same thing and after that he slept through the night. That also helped with him nursing less during the day. I am not sure what the connection is there, but his night nursing was causing more nursing during the day. I think the comfort factor plays a role.

How does your LO sleep?

The constant nursing was such a drain on me emotionally and on my marriage. I was unhappy because I was so tired. I never go anything done and I didnt get to do the things I enjoy like sewing.

Somehow in the back of my mind I knew "this too will pass."
I told myself to stick it out because I couldnt imagine how to wean and I imagined weaning probably being harder because LO would throw a fit. I knew LO would self wean a little each month as he got older.