Wednesday, December 12, 2012

"Bad Mamma Jamma": Brigitte Nielsen

If you were a little girl and someone showed you pictures and said “When you grow up you will date or marry Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Flava Flav!” you would have run to the hills screaming. But not this weeks Bad Mamma Jamma Brigitte Nielsen. Even when I was a little kid I recognized this woman's hotness from Red Sonja. Hell, in the video game Golden Axe I used to call the female character by her name. Yes, I was pervin' even at that young an age. Don't judge me.

I've got something long and hard for her. My sword. I own one as well. Pervs.

Brigitte was born Gitte Nielsen in Rødovre, Denmark. Where is that? I don't know. I'm not a gynecologist. But it sounds fancy. Like something you'd eat at a place that you know you cant afford and end up having to wash the dishes when you try to skip out on the bill. At 6 foot 1...dear lord. She's my height. Anyhoot, at her height she began modeling before starring in Cobra and Rocky 4 which was the best Rocky I don't care what anyone says. She then starred in Beverly Hills Cop 2 and posed for Playboy.

In these later years Brigitte has been in a lot of TV and reality shows here and overseas. For the longest time she was known for her drug and alcohol abuse and ended up on multiple VH1 shows about dating and rehabilitation. She has since been sober and doing much better and dating a young dude. She's gotten some work done but in the right way and looks better now than she has in twenty years.

Oh my...

6 foot 1 I mean can you imagine what a woman that size can do to you?! I can. And it would hurt but in a good way. Then I'd lie to all my friends about why I'm limping. I'd say that I fell down the stairs and not that a damn near 50 year old woman managed to wreck my junk.