War! War! War! Struggles and fights. A desperate running to hide – but where? Where can I hide from myself – from the war that is tearing my mind apart? How can I counter the pack that is ranged against me -- James, my own mother, my friends, the doctor? Should I fight? What if they are right? But no! Something tells me they are wrong. Or are they? The battle rages as I lay awake, terrified, in the cold lonely hours of night.

They have scheduled me for Friday, but my mind screams “No!”

Then another voice whispers, “There is no other way to avoid the shame, to set your life right.” It’s a war of screams within me and dark whispers and the whispers are winning. Oh why is there no-one to hear the screams? Is there not a person who will tell me that it is O.K. to want to change my life, to nurture the new life in my womb and face the music? I think I would rather have the murmurings of scandal than the whispers in my mind. And yet – James doesn’t want it. Neither does Mom. I owe it to them. Tug of war – it’s a tug of war and one side wins, then the other. God help me! What do I do?

It’s Friday. My body does not belong to me. I’m walking, but like an automaton. My mind is exploding with strife. The battle rages. Something deep inside is struggling to surface, but I push it down. “I’m going to go through with it. Don’t come and fight. Get down! Don’t come and fight.”

Who are those people? Why are they smiling and friendly? Don’t they know what I’m doing – what I am going through? One is coming towards me. I’m scared. What does she want? Yet she looks so friendly. She says she knows what I am going through and she wants to help me. Is she going to be another one to add to the whispers like all the others -- smiling friendly faces that, like a court jester, whisper encouragement to do what my heart screams against? What? She is here to help if I choose another way. She will walk with me through the difficult days ahead. She will help me choose the way of love. She will lead me to God – to the God I have been crying out to with no apparent response. Someone on the side of my screams.

I surrender to her and her way – God’s way. Something washes over me. It is the wave – no the tsunami – of victory. The stifled scream of my heart has won. I know that the road will be difficult, but the war is over. I know the deep conviction of conquest. And Peace!

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Wonderful. Such a story of victory and triumph and on a topic so relevant for today. It was nice to see you write that those who were asking her to "go through with it" were the ones she felt were telling her that her body was not her own - so often that argument is thrown into our faces as Christians. Very good work!