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January 28, 2007

The Day's Dumbest Dialogue

Apologies for the lack of snarking recently; while strep throat sounds like the perfect excuse to sit and watch soaps for hours on end, it turns out that medication wreaks havoc with your sense of humor. I actually literally LOLed at Little Black Book. The jokes, I mean, not Brittany Murphy's crackheaded attempt at zaniness. Tragic.

Days of Our Lives has also presented me with ample things at which to laugh uproariously. Hogan Sheffer is a miracle worker who must be praised, but his regime is not without utterly inane pieces of dialogue. Witness the conversation Abby and Chelsea had about their upcoming stint as college kids.

Chelsea: I'm sorry, Abby. I'm just -- I'm so
excited. We're gonna be college girls -- the two of us just walking
across the quad together, arm in arm, studying in the library together.
Ooh, I wonder which sorority we should pledge.
Abby: Yeah, I'm not so sure about the whole sorority thing.
Chelsea: Well, Abby, come on. That's half the fun in going to college. I mean, dances, keggers, all-nighters with all the sorority sisters.
Abby: I don't know. I've heard that the sisters are pretty mean.
Chelsea: Abby, you are looking at the queen of mean. If anybody gives you a hard time, I got you covered.
Abby: You know, I don't get you, Chelsea. You want to get a career
and make something of yourself, and now the first thing on your list is
to join a sorority?
Chelsea: Yeah. It's -- well, it's just an idea I had. I mean, it's
kind of something that I always thought about. I mean, living in a big,
beautiful house and having people clean up for you all the time, a
sorority mother that's always there to give you advice.

Let's ignore, for a moment, the fact that one of the
participants in this conversation was born in--and also died in--1998.
That's just the icing on the ridiculous cake.

So sorority sisters are mean? It's surprising how I managed to make it
this long without ever hearing that except for the part where Nancy
Drew infiltrated a murderous sorority in Nancy Drew Sisters In Crime, or where Veronica Mars featured mean pink clad sorority girls, or where Andrea confronted anti Semitism in sororities on an episode of 90210 that aired this week on SOAPNet, or where Colleen got called fat by sorority girls on The Young and the Restless and should I keep going?

We get it! They're all mean and will probably attempt to kill Chelsea
and/or Abby because they're so mean! Mean! To quote Susan, they are
mean mean mean! Thank you for this groundbreaking and wholly original
look at campus life!

And it looks like Billie got Chelsea The Fact of Life on DVD for
Christmas, or something, what with the warm fuzzy picture of den
mothers. I'd pay to see Mrs. Garrett give Chelsea the treatment she
gave Joan Collins! That could possibly make this storyline must see TV.

***

Unrelated to the above, but it simply must be said: James
Scott needs to have disfiguring plastic surgery, or stop being hot and
scruffy, because it's hard to be appalled by the things EJ does when he looks so lovely doing them.