It Takes Willpower to Write A Will

About 10 years ago, Life in the Boomer Lane had a will crafted, along with whatever other docs the attorney suggested. She was very proud of herself for having taking the Big Step. Now Husband also had a will that he had made long before she met him. This consisted mainly of “Bob gets the boat.”

For the next ten years, it bothered LBL that most of the sales contracts she saw had people listed as “The Blah Blah Blah Living Trust,” and her will didn’t. It didn’t bother her that Bob was getting the boat, but she suspected that Now Husband’s will should have been a bit clearer about everything else. For these reasons, she declared that they were going to go to a lawyer and have their wills revised. Now Husband thought for a moment and said, “Right. Maybe I shouldn’t leave the boat to Bob.” And so it was decided.

The attorney was wonderful. He explained every facet of estate planning in meticulous detail, so thorough, in fact, that after about an hour, LBL could think of nothing other than wondering why there was no candy dish on the conference table like they had in settlement offices. She spent the time vigorously nodding her head as he spewed his legalese. She was unconcerned that she wasn’t paying attention because she knew that Now Husband would be mentally recording every word.

After about 90 minutes in the attorney’s office, LBL and Now Husband had been divested of a couple thousand dollars and told that they would be receiving review copies of their wills in the mail. When they were at the elevators, LBL asked Now Husband if he had followed everything the attorney was saying. His response was “Maybe I should just sell the boat and not worry about dumping it on Bob.”

A couple of weeks later, the wills and numerous addenda arrived, all stamped “DRAFT” in large red letters. Excited to be able to review the docs, LBL placed them on the family room coffee table. This is where they sat for about a month, while life continued all around them. Tiny splashes of coffee eventually appeared on them, as well as several popcorn kernals.

Every once in a while, either LBL or Now Husband would look at the pile and say, “We should review these.” LBL could swear that the word “DRAFT” was getting incrementally larger as the days went on. Finally, after a month, in the five minutes they had before leaving to meet friends for dinner, they reviewed the docs. There were some glaring errors. “Why is half of my estate going to someone named Mustafa Meta?” LBL asked. Now Husband’s response was “They didn’t put anything in here about my boat.”

LBL called the attorney’s office with all of the corrections. A new DRAFT arrived and took its place on the coffee table. New errors were found. Now Husband declared that he didn’t want a Trust after all and wanted to go back to his original will. Another phone call was made to the attorney’s office.

LBL and Now Husband are now awaiting the latest DRAFT to arrive. The coffee table looks incomplete without the stack of papers. LBL is hoping that more revisions will not be necessary and that whoever Mustafa Meta is, he will never find out how close he came to inheriting half of her estate.

My husband (a lawyer) and I did ours through Legal Zoom. But if either of us dies, I am pretty sure the remaining spouse would never be able to find the document. Maybe I should look on the coffee table!

We often trust our attorneys to do the best for us and sometimes we are duped – because of our ignorance, their cleverness, the legal jargon or whatever. But this drives home the lesson that one needs to be VERY CAREFUL while planning such kind of things. After all we won’t be here to see it, would we?

Haha! After my husband almost died 18 months ago (ruptured colon-I always knew he was full of crap) we decided it was best to update our wills. The lawyer has sent us the first draft which sits on my computer. And sits. And sits. Yes, I think there is a paper copy also. Neither one of us have gotten to it. Him? I don’t know why. Me? Because our son is the one set to make decisions when all else fails (currently) and he isn’t really the capable one. The next child is, so changes need to be made. At least I think so. Fairly sure the husband won’t agree. Suspect this is why nothing has been done.
Good luck. It isn’t a fun thing to contemplate although much better to do it than not.

When I was pregnant with our second child (nearly 11 years ago), we met with a lawyer friend to create a will. We discussed who we wanted to have guardianship of our kids, how our estate should be put in trust for them, etc. etc. We offered to pay for the services but he insisted he would do it pro bono. Because he held us in such high regard.

Fast forward to now. We have three kids now. And still no will. Or if we do, I don’t know about it because we never heard from him again. And even so, the couple we wanted to become guardians are no longer married and a bit crazy.

And part of why I haven’t made a move to get one made is that I can’t decide who I want to take care of our kids if something happens to us! I’d rather just not die and can’t settle on who I want to raise my kids if that preference isn’t granted.

It’s amazing how long we put off really-important-stuff because we don’t want to think about it or can’t come to a decision.

I crafted a will online with Legal Zoom before a recent surgery (my nightmares on the effects of anesthesia were off the charts). Like Elyse in her comment above, I will probably not remember the password I used to access it ever again. Well, it’s free, so you get what you pay for….

I’ve had a draft for 14 years….my cats have changed. Now I don’t have anyone who is willing to take custody of my cats (including my husband) if I die. When I find that person, I am leaving EVERYTHING to them (including my husband). In the meantime, I will need to stay alive just for the cats. Pet ownership is sure onerous!

Oh my, you have set a record. If all you have is a draft, does that become your legal will? Gosh, I didn’t put anything in about the cat. I assumed I’d just leave a humongous bowl of food out and wish her well.

At least you got your husband to attend. With the exception of the cuckoo clock that was a wedding gift to his grandparents over a century ago, he isn’t interested. His response is, “Why should I care, I won’t be here.” Very frustrating, so much so that if I got as far as the DRAFT level, I’d do absolutely nothing until DRAFT was removed and the damn thing signed.

Hmmmm– as the attorney in the room, I have some concerns about all of this. I used to draft wills as part of my practice. It was a few hundred, not thousands, of dollars. This was before the craze for trusts “in order to avoid probate”, however.

My advice…go to someone who is NOT selling something, such as a trust. You need to know and evaluate all of your options, and which is best for your situation. That is not always a trust. Also, if you are with Now Husband and have children from marriage with Then Husband, it must be carefully drafted to ensure your children are protected in the event that Now Husband dies after you. Hard to think about, but believe me, I have seen many nightmare situations as to custody, financial support and property division. It could have been avoided with just a few hours with a competent attorney and apparently a few thousand dollars in some markets.

Also, to be clear— probate is not like hell unless things have not been done properly, or not done at all. It works, and is often simple and ensures clear title for property-real estate in particular.

End of lecture.

BTW-my husband delayed signing our wills because we agreed his brother should not be the guardians of our kids, but he was afraid to sign papers that said that, giving custody to my sister. He thought it would hurt his brother’s feelings, even though my husband would be dead if his brother ever found out about it. It took a long !ime for him to sign them. Luckily, our children are now adults and his brother has never had the occasion to know.

I was the one who forced the trust issue with the attorney, simply because I kept seeing that when I dealt with real estate contracts. I felt like everyone knew something I didn’t. But I know you are absolutely right–it’s not something we need, especially in simple situations. I do think I’ve got the Now Husband/kids thing worked out pretty well.

I have had a Will for years, it wasn’t that hard. My children (now adults) are the primary recipients of all things after debts are paid. Each Grandchild receives money in trust held for their college tuition, which is administered by their parent until they reach 25 years of age.

All very simple and straight forward. I revised after my current divorce to revert my secondary life policy back to the primary pool of available funds. I also revised to make certain my home would revert immediately to the pool of assets, originally my then husband would have 6 months to live in the home (paid for). He did not however, receive anything other than the one policy taken out at the time of our marriage, this was by agreement.

You have all bases covered. I found that once I really forced myself to think about it when I made the original will 10 years ago, it was easy to do. It was the decision to actually sit down and do it that was tough.

This is so funny, but not so funny. Drafting a will is serious business and correcting the DRAFTS is enough to frighten off the more timid among us. Let’s keep it simple – like “Bob gets the boat!” Love it! 🙂

Getting older is not for wimps! It takes a lot of work & patience & the ability to stay awake as other people chime in with ideas on what you should & should not do! Have you done “Living Wills” so your partner & healthcare providers know what your wishes are in the case of medical intervention? Face palm!

God bless my folks for having a living trust and solid, simple wills. It may be a tricky thing to navigate now, but it saves whomever survives from a world of insanity, which is very much like insult to the injury of their loss…and none of us want Bob to lose a night’s sleep over getting the boat (#bobsboatfloats).

I loved this, especially since my husband and I spent some tiring time last week updating wills and completing Advance Directives which strive to prevent the medics from keeping you alive, just because they can, when your usefulness has long expired if not you in person.

I found contemplating the complications of it all, quite dispiriting. Have you got Bob the boat and that Mustafa guy’s address? Maybe we’ll just leave the lot to them…

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