Question

How can we get our daughter to give up some of her many, many toys?

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My 4-year-old has too many toys! I've tried to get her to give away her old ones, but she literally walks away sobbing. In the past, she caught me throwing away some of her 'treasures,' and now she checks the trash every day -- she won't even let me throw away the box a toy came in. How can we convince her to let go of some of her things?

Mom Answers

What I started to do with my daughter when she was gone take the toys that I knew she hadnt touched in a while and put them up, then after a while I would take the toys she wasnt playing with and show her them. I told her that there are some children that dont have any toys at all and if we give some of the toys to them they would play with them.

I think I am going to try the sneak it out while she is gone thing, of course I will put it in the attic. Her stuff is HER stuff she will not part with ANYTHING I can manage to get out of her room to make room while she is at school. She refused to donate books to her class library, I then said we would just loan then, she cried for hours after we left them, they have her name in them and everything! I told her we could sell some stuff in a yard sell and she would get a lot of money, which she LOVES, she cried. She doesn't want to get rid of a game she never played that is for 3-6 year olds (she is 9). I can remember my Mom saying "That is hers" in a baby voice. So I guess that is that, it is hers, not yours to give away. If you can get some of her things moved to a place to store them, do it while she isn't home. Then when she is mature enough to understand sell it all and buy a car! They are just children, and do not fully understand the concept of being too poor to have toys

I would be very careful about throwing or giving away toys without her consent. My father did that constantly with toys he assumed I was no longer playing with. Much of the time he was wrong and it broke my heart to have lost a favorite toy. This caused me real problems later in life when I became overly attached to everything and never wanted to get rid of anything. It has taken me a long time to overcome that problem. Rewards for choosing to get rid of toys on her own will always be better. Eventually, it might even give her a sense of pride in her ability to clean and organize on her own. Of course, not letting her get any new toys until she has gotten rid of some old ones will also help. If she is truly happpy with all of her old toys, then she doesn't need new ones. That might make her start to rethink the value of her old toys.

I sneak non-important toys out of my son's room when he isn't around. He is a sensitive child and wants to keep everything--he would get teary-eyed listening to the baby music his crib pull-toy made. I just get rid of happy meal toys and things I never see him touch. I don't see a reason to hurry this or push the issue. I still remember climbing into the back of our '78 Bronco trying to "save" some favorite toys that my mom was giving away. I still miss my "camel with the baggy knees". Sure, I have more clutter than I'd rather have, but they are only young for a short time.

We had the same problem with my daughter who is now 6. About three years ago, we started asking her to fill a tote with the toys she must keep. The rest go to a charity resale shop. We NEVER give away anything without her knowledge, and she loves the idea of helping to provide toys to other children. Also, we've had garage sales where she gets to keep the money from the sale of her toys in order to purchase something new. We've found that focusing on a particular toy several weeks in advance helps her to purge more.

As a teacher, I would ask you to consider donating used but readable books to your school's library or your favorite teacher. Also, since most states don't allow teachers to reward students with food of any kind, small toys (like the kind for pinatas, happy meals, and birthday grab bags) are appreciated donations that can be added to a "treasure box" I always give the students who donate toys or books special acknowledgement by using them as an example of good character for others or by writing their name in the book as the person who donated to the library. THat really makes kids feel special.

Everyone's answers have been great. We have issues with this with our 4 and 3 year old girls as well. I will try some of these myself. I agree with the psych major though, that the attachment to the boxes the toys came in seems a little over the top. I would talk to her pediatrician for suggestions as well. If she has an unnatural attachment to items, even the great suggestions others have posted may not work, and may cause her even more more stress and pain, which you don't want.

We had the same issue with our 4 yr old. My friend suggested letting her choose which toys go away to make room for new stuff. We donate stuff in general often, so I think that helps. We also give her the option of "selling" stuff at the consignment store and she gets the money - this has been great since it helps her better understand the value of money and a budget. She recently asked to sell her ponies that she never really played with (she got several for her birthday) and she used some of the money to buy a princess doll. We now have an empty bin, and she is proud she bought her own toy!
Heather :)

What I have learned to do is when my 31/2 year old twins get new toys I sneak away some toys they haven't been playing with and then either put them aside to rotate back in to their toys in 4-6 months or put them in a box to give a way or save for someone younger--S and T's Mom

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