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Saturday, February 27, 2010

THE FOULEST YE OLDE CARTOON MOVIE REVIEW OF ALL TIME

Back in the 1990's, my pals and I had a sort of running contest to see who could come up with the most sordid and disgusting annual birthday gift for our college compatriot Greaseball Johnny, and for a while he enjoyed being showered by sundry manifestations of filth and pornography.

Yer Bunche with Greaseball Johnny, c. Halloween 1994. He was dressed as "the world's sexiest witch."

Then came the day when the competition was forever ended by mountain man Jared and his discovery of DAS CAVIAR DINNER, a "German" chunk of fetid, steaming horror for which none of us were prepared, and after which all who viewed it were ruined for life. (Jared's story about buying the VHS tape and the vendor's reaction is priceless and I hope he writes in to the comments section to share it.) Needless to say, I had to do a cartoon movie review of it and share it with my co-workers in the Marvel Bullpen. Anyway, what you are about to read is very, very nasty, despite considerable efforts to keep the visual depiction of these foul acts as light and "palatable" as possible, so PROCEED WITH CAUTION, double-click on the art to see it large (you WILL regret it), AND ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER HERE.

9 comments:

Wow, that's so old school. I mean, don't get me wrong, it must have been hard to find stuff like this in the 90's with buying VHS tapes and all. Still, it can't hold a candle up to the grossness set up by porn of the digital age such as 2 girls 1 cup, Blue Waffles, 3 guys 1 hammer, Mr. Hands, Anal Prolapse, Jarman and other mentally scarring stuff. It makes the porn your talking about sound tame.

Also, spend on hour on efuckt.com (pretty much Youtube for fucked up porn) and you'll spend the rest of the day rocking yourself in the corner wishing the images will go away... and they won't.

It is tame in comparison to stuff you can find online today, fifteen years after I saw DAS CAVIAR DINNER, but that is to be expected. And don't think that because it is not referenced here that I (and many of the Vault's readers)have not explored the horrors found on the Internet...

And while 2 GIRLS, 1 CUP is bad, it's not even close to DAS CAVIAR DINNER; as noted in the post's intro, I intentionally rendered it far more palatable in cartoon form than it actually is.

I just saw "Blue Waffles." NOT something to bring to the attention of a guy who likes to spend a lot of "face-time down south." I'll never be able to go there again without seeing...THAT. It looked like a vulviform Horta...

Am I misremembering that you "reviewed" another German porno that had the camera panning lovingly over a big pile of shit which OPENED ITS EYES and cracked a grin, yelling "ICH BIN DER SCHIESSEKOENIG"?