Personal

2017 was a good year and hopefully 2018 continues the trend, so here’s my main New Years Resolutions for 2018.

Recap of 2017…

At the beginning of the year I got out of my comfort zone and did auditions and cold script readings. Okay, so nothing came from them, but I did them and not there’s nothing daunting about them anymore.

I made a dint in my trilogy! It wasn’t that I wrote an awful lot than last year, but the trilogy all now sit around 80k – 90k in each book. So, the end is in sight and I just need to sit down and do this line-editing.

Went on a few dates – okay, this was more the start of the year, when the year hadn’t hit yet and I was still in limbo and didn’t know what to do. I did it! The year did end with a little romantic-datey-flingy thing with a guy, but oh well!

I met new people! I was thinking of this when lying hungover in her bed. It’s just so weird that a whole year previous I didn’t even know Rhiannon. I don’t know, maybe it’s me being weird. Odd that one year later and we’re besties and have big plans for 2018 together.

Let’s Go 2018!

The start of 2018 is going to be taken up with the final college assignment. Up until the third week. Nothing exciting.

NEW IDEAS
My friend and I plan to get our business idea fleshed out, website running and hoping to be getting clients by mid-year. Can’t tell what it is. top secret!

HOBBIES
Going to pick up two hobbies this year. My friend want’s to do acting, so we’re both picking up acting and my other friend want’s to do a fitness-centric class, so maybe yoga. I wouldn’t mind spinning tough. I’m jealous that the US has the overly-expensive soul-cycle, because I’d be one of those people who splashes out for the classes. That’s two new hobbies by the end of the year.

I don’t get anxious. I’ve finally reached that inner-peace where I just don’t worry, because worrying doesn’t help anyone and it makes you suffer WAY more than is needed. Interviews I can do, talking in front of people I can do without even thinking about it.

So I found something that scares me slightly and went for it…

I went in for my first cold script reading. And for the first time in a long time, I got really anxious beforehand. I hate being anxious, because I know it’s only me who’s suffering and nobody else bloody cares what’s going inside your head.

If it wasn’t for a friend being there with me most likely, I would’ve gone home. But because she’s stubborn, she made me go in and do the cold reading.

It was in a Costa cafe, downstairs in a brick-walled dark dungeon-like seating are. It was so dark I could barely make out the lines.

I got paired up with a girl who did the whole acting-school and degree and here I waltz into the place barely having any classes. The closes I came to acting is an extra in a movie video and school drama lessons. So, we run through our lines beforehand and then we go down.

Now, the anxiety has slightly subsided. The people who run are super nice, this other girl is super nice and not saying anything about my bad line-reading and we go down into this dungeon.

All I see is a little red blinking light of a camera.

“Stand over there and go ahead.”

That was all that is said and we read the lines.

I did a script reading, in front of a camera!!

It’s something ticked off my to-do list. Cold Script Reading is now not going to be so daunting to me. It also made me realise how much I LOVE the whole anxious nervousness of auditions. It’s a high without the bloody drugs! I just want to keep doing them now!

The lesson this has thought me? Get the bloody hell out of your comfort-zone!! Even if you need someone [a friend] to keep you outside, then get them! Because the come-down of the anxiety and panic afterwards is so worth it. You feel like you can take on the world!

Ahh!! It’s the 1st of March today and so I woke up bright and early and decided to write a post!

My March Madness Goals

Writing
Editing this book is getting ridiculous. It’s taking forever, I’m only on chapter 6 so far and my plan is to just get it done and over with, so my aim is to finish editing it by the end of March. I’ve been editing this book on-and-off now for a few years [but it has had four completely gut-outs and do-overs]. It’s staying the way it is and I’m pushing to finally get it out to Beta Readers by the end of the month.

Exercise
Burn 500-calories a day. I missed my morning walk this morning, but I still have my night walk and workout to get March 1st to about 700 burned calories. I also had my fatty day yesterday with it being Pancake Tuesday….along with a takeaway and home-baked cookies. I need to sweat for the rest of the week….woop!!

Money Wise
I’m going to buy glasses someday this week. I was supposed to go tonight, but the store never got back in touch so it might be the weekend. I lost my old glasses so really need to buy new ones and I’m so excited!! My previous glasses I’ve had since secondary school.

Acting – I’ve been asked to three auditions so far, but I keep getting cold feet with the notion that You’re a fraud, you don’t know what you’re doing so I’m going to sign up to either of two 8-week acting courses that I have my eyes on, might be later in the year as one of the teachers hasn’t been in touch and the next class starts next Monday.

I just noticed a very common thread now….why are people not getting back in touch with me?

2017 didn’t get off on a good footing, so bad with my anxiety that I ended up in church for the first time in 1.5 years. I’m all good now though.

This year is the year of ‘YES’. Yes to meeting people, yes to walking the dog, yes to job hunting…whatever it’s going to be yes.

So far, it’s going good after saying yes to every meeting or group gathering so far, I’m upbeat and giddy again- I haven’t been like this in well over a year. I’m happy to see everyone and happy about every day joys.

I’ve sent my book off to a competition and rewrote the query letter for said book. I’m going to get around to more agents/publishers at the weekend and I’m loving it more ever single time I work on it [so much better than last year when it was struggle to even look at it most days]

The goals for 2017 are:

Acting/Modelling. I may be shit at one or both of these but I dipped my toes in both a few years back and I want to do get back into it again.

New job. Obviously. Waiting to hear back from an interview I had before Christmas, so I’m hoping it’s good news.

Read more. I still haven’t started this for 2017, between the rocky start and everyday meetings of all the ‘yes’ that I keep saying it has not happened. But I’m staying in tomorrow night [well, right now….oh shit, no I’m not] okay… I’m going to start over the weekend when I get the chance.

Health – I want to go at least go 2 days-a-week without coffee. This has been made harder because my family bought my a capsule coffee machine. Going to lost a few more pounds and I’m happy, my main focus isn’t about losing weight any more, but rather just eat healthy.

Find Love. I’ve already started this, but other came from it. I went on a date last Friday but I haven’t heard from them and that’s fine. Just going to keep trying.

Travelling. Well, the plans is to go to Australia to my sister to help her home with her adorable new son. I’m dying to get over to them, everything is just baby…baby everything. I’ve even gone to town for myself and end up looking at baby clothes for hours.

Saving. I want to buy a car and start driving. I want to go on hikes at the weekends and just hop in my little car and drive anywhere. But I do I want a 1967 Mustang- so a lot of saving to do.

Writing Yes, the beginning of 2017 writing has come to a standstill. I nearly made it to 100k words for 2016, but 2017 I’m going to try and complete at least 4 drafts of some work in progresses that have been sitting untouched for a while. I’ve already sent off another manuscript into writing competitions and spending the weekend sending to publishers and agents.

So, to everyone reading this, Happy New Year!

I hope you all have a fantastic 2017 and that you achieve all your goals and all your wishes come true.

I ended up getting involved in Secret Santa and we have to buy one another books from a wish list that we’ve made and only €20 to spend. I thought it was a good idea, so I agreed to do it.

Now though? I’m back to being a bookworm. I have a good handful of book that I need to get through and to start off 2017 reviews but I also have another huge 100+ long list of books that I am dying to buy.

It’s just- why is there so many books to choose from? There’s not enough time or money and it’s all down to you on whether you pick a good book or waste your time on a bad book. Then you try and keep up with all the new titles coming out and it’s enough to scare the normal sane person away from reading.

In 2016, I read 11 books, four of which were short and a few of them I ended up DNF-ing because they didn’t hold me.

I have about 20-ish books already to read for 2017 and I’m aiming to read 50. I’m going to try and post regular updates again on here with reviews, cover reveals and what not.

I cleaned up my bookshelves this morning, first thing. It was kinda weird. I opened my eyes and immediately got to cleaning my shelves without pre-meditating it.

Now because my little bookworm has come back to life after a good 2 years of hibernations; I’m asking everyone to buy me book for Christmas.

Diet

“Oh you’re on a diet?”

“How’s the diet going?

“Are you still dieting?

Yes, I made the mistake of letting slip that I’ve changed my eating habits. See? It’s not a diet. To me diets are something you do till you get to your ideal weight and then it’s back to your usually eating once you do. And the cycle repeats.

Is it just me who comes across this, but once people know you’re on a diet that they have a say in what you do with your body?

I got this comment the other day:

You don’t need to diet.

Why do people think that they have a say on what someone else does with their life? With their body? Maybe it’s just me, but I always thought when people changed their lifestyle and eating habits, it’s not for the opinions of other people. They’re doing it for themselves, they’re doing it to be healthier, to be able to do everything that they couldn’t, to feel confident and to look good. It’s notabout what people think.

My weight loss journey so far…

Early last year I got to my heaviest of 13.5stone and I had a bridesmaid dress to fit into and that’s when I got shook out of my little bad-eating stupor that I’d been in. I didn’t take a photo at this stage as I physically hated what I saw and it’s burned into my brain for eternity.

I’m now down to 11.9stone. The problem now is I don’t have much of a stomach, but it’s all my hips in stubborn love-handles which I’m going to start hitting over the next week.

It’s the simple things now that make me feel great- instead of going to the ‘goodie’ press I have a glass of water and if I’m still hungry I reach for an apple or a handful of grapes. I no longer crave chocolate or sweets, I can finally [for the first time ever!] go weeks without touching them.

The one thing that got me hooked onto this new diet? Keeping track of what goes in vs what comes out. It makes sense and all about mathematical equations than silly little notions…it makes you accountable. It forces you to remember back to sweating it out earlier in the day when you crave for a takeaway and you count up the calories:

I did not nearly pass out for nothing.

Don’t get me wrong, if I have calories left in my day and I’ve done one or two workouts then I’m allowing myself my takeaway…dry option…no sauces, and I may still have calories left over.

Oh, and about the two workouts. It’s not hitting my gym twice a day- it’s walking the dog. It’s near-to-impossible to say no to a husky when he wants to go out. There’s just no excuse- he needs a walk and it’s not about me anymore. Even if my legs are sore and I’m still exhausted there’s over an hour of walking to do. Once you get outside, you’ll understand that it’s more of a mental battle than a physical one. You’re muscles stop hurting after the first few steps and you feel lighter, agile and more faster because of your previous workout already loosening you up.

I don’t know if I love birthdays or just don’t care, I just cant make my mind up. I’ve gotten to the stage in life where I’m already starting to forget what age I am and have to think of the year we’re in before figuring it out.

When birthdays come around, I always end up reminiscing on when I was younger and would get bouncy castles or go the Fun House. Being a twin, he would have all his friends, and I would have mine and then we’d also have all our cousins and it would be the best day ever! Not forgetting all the great presents we used to get.

What were your best birthdays?

My 25th birthday was actually quiet good. I was in Amsterdam with a bunch of people I didn’t know a few weeks prior, and it was the best night ever! I always remember the biscuit-type cake that they got and the sparkling shot of alcohol that they sang Happy Birthday with before I downed it.

Weird how much happens in a year. This year, I’m not doing anything major. Getting the traditional curry takeaway with mam, then cocktails with the bestie and another dinner with my dad.

Leaving a job is supposed to be that you gather up your things in a little brown box and just walk out the front door all happy, right?

It’s not.

It was supposed to be a happy day. Get a few drinks and then give everyone a hug and be on my next great adventure.

It isn’t so easy.

It’s fucking emotional.

I try to my hardest to keep a distance, to not get attached to people, knowing that the day will come when I gotta say goodbye. But, like always, it didn’t fucking work.

Two other colleagues before me left without a bother, just got up and walked on home without looking back. Well, granted they left on their own accord. They weren’t in the middle of a merger and the one getting the boot.

I did keep it together throughout the day, when getting my present of two books [Stephen King’s On Writing and 649 writing prompts] and a card with all their messages. I sucked it back and kept drinking. It was only when walking up the stairs to the office for the last time, that I couldn’t hold it anymore.

When you’ve lived in a house in Amsterdam for six weeks with two of them and then spend two-thirds of the last year in the same office. Without realising it, they became my family, and that’s who I was saying goodbye to.

I hate the job for giving me them, because I know I’m never going to have this again. I’m never going to have colleagues that I’ve lived with as strangers and then became a second-family.

This was supposed to be easy. Go to work, have a few drinks, say my goodbyes and go home.