Black Fathers

The Good Book says life and death is in the power of the tongue, but in J. Ivy’s book, the power is in the pen. Hailed as “Hip Hop’s Favorite Poet,” the Grammy Award-winning spoken word artist from Chicago didn’t fully begin to take the world by storm until he put pen to paper, pain to poetry and released the perfect storm of hurt, anger, confusion and misplaced love brewing in his spirit over the complicated relationship with his father. What began as a letter transformed into a critically-acclaimed poem,”Dear Father,” and his words have, literally, taken him all over the world. But, the greatest destination he’s seen yet (and don’t get it twisted – he’s been to some DOPE places) is a place called Forgiveness. Now, with his recently released book Dear Father: Breaking the Cycle of Pain (Simon & Schuster/Atria Books/Beyond Words 2015), James Ivy Richardson II is telling the full story behind the letter that inspired a movement and challenging a million more people to “check themselves” and find their own joy to be free. “It definitely saved my life because it just allowed me to see ME,” said J. Ivy, reflecting on the impact writing the poem “Dear Father” has had on him. “It allowed me to let go. It allowed me to focus. It allowed me to value myself; to see my worth, know my worth. Have confidence in myself. It allowed me to just be grateful for this life, for the life my father gave me and for the life God allowed, for the path He allowed. It just allowed so much.”

“And because of that, shortly after that moment is when I wrote ‘Never Let Me Down’ for Kanye’s project and I don’t think i would’ve been able to write that poem if I hadn’t written ‘Dear Father.” I KNOW I wouldn’t have been able to write that poem. But that poem, ‘Never Let Me Down,’ was the epitome of how I was feeling after breaking through ‘Dear Father.’” Dear Father Letter Writing Campaign: “One millions letters written, one million hearts healed” There’s a quote J. Ivy references throughout his book: “If you don’t deal with your emotions, one day your emotions are going to deal with you.” Writing a letter and opening himself up to forgiveness was the first – and most important – step in his healing, and he is on a mission to extend that same freedom to others. A million others, to be exact. “By tapping into our creative expression, I believe we can find peace and forgiveness,” said J. Ivy. “Going on this journey helped me to face my issues, and the outcome has been a constant blessing.”

Many have called fatherlessness an epidemic, particularly in the Black community. More than 24 million children in the U.S., or 1 out of every 3, do not have a father physically in the home, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. “The change in the community that we’re looking for,” says J. Ivy, “it starts with individuals. It starts with, ‘If I can get myself together, that means I can help get my household together. If I can get my household together, then I can help get my block together, my community, and my city, and my state.’” Through the Dear Father Letter Writing Campaign, people can share their stories about their relationship with their own father. Whether the memories are good, bad or non-existant, the key is using creative expression to open up a discussion that’s been swept under the rug for far to long. Write a letter, a poem, a song, make a video, draw a picture – just tell the story.

Oftentimes, when we discuss fatherhood we assume that African-American men aren’t part of that conversation, largely because a number of studies and reports have repeatedly told us that black fathers are overwhelmingly absent from their children’s lives.

However, while these numbers are nothing to ignore, they contribute to a damaging narrative about black men and negate the achievements of the number of black men who play an active role in their children’s lives. In honor of Father’s Day, here are five lies we should stop telling about black fatherhood.

Black Fathers Aren’t Involved In Their Children’s Lives Recent data published by the Center for Disease Control reveal that African-American fathers spend more time in their children’s day-to-day lives than dads from other racial groups, defying stereotypes about black fatherhood. The Pew Research Center has found similar evidence that black dads don’t differ from white dads in any significant way, and that there isn’t the expected disparity found in so many other reports. Although black fathers are more likely to live in separate households, Pew estimates that 67 percent of black dads who don’t live with their kids see them at least once a month, compared to 59 percent of white dads and just 32 percent of Hispanic dads.

Some have taken this number and cited it as a contributing factor to a large portion of black America’s present-day plight. However, many have taken issue with how this statistic has been used with respect to the black community’s moral standing. In an article for The Atlantic, Ta-Nehisi Coates broke down the numbers in an effort to give a more accurate depiction…

But while the number of unmarried black women has substantially grown, the actual birthrate (measured by births per 1000) for black women is it the lowest point that its ever documented.

So while a larger number of black women are choosing not to marry, many of those women are also choosing not to bring kids into the world. But there is something else.

As you can see the drop in the birthrate for unmarried black women is mirrored by an even steeper drop among married black women. Indeed, whereas at one point married black women were having more kids than married white women, they are now having less.

I point this out to show that the idea that the idea that, somehow, the black community has fallen into a morass of cultural pathology is convenient nostalgia. There is nothing “immoral” or “pathological” about deciding not to marry.

Men Who Didn’t Have Fathers Won’t Make Good Fathers There’s no disputing the effect fatherlessness has on children’s lives. Children in father-absent homes are almost four times more likely to be poor, and being raised without a father raises the risk of teen pregnancy, marrying with less than a high school degree, and forming a marriage where both partners have less than a high school degree. However, men who didn’t grow up with their fathers are not incapable of being good fathers themselves — an assumption disproportionately assigned to black men who are more likely to be raised by single mothers.

Black Fathers Are An Anomaly Black fathers do exist, a message that entrepreneur William K. Middlebrooks hopes to spread with his book “Dare To Be Extraordinary: A Collection of Positive Life Lessons from African American Fathers.” Part chapter-memoir, part call-to-action and part inspiration, the book recognizes and honors the wisdom and teachings of African-American fathers passed down to sons and daughters. Among them: Cultural icon and entrepreneur Russell Simmons, NBA veteran Allan Houston, ABC News broadcaster Robin Roberts and the authors themselves.