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21 January, 2009

How Young is Too young

I am 38. 38, yes, there, I said it. I am now closer to 40 than 35. I am in my "late 30's." I am. 38. For the first time in my life, I am closer to the age of the President than are my parents - he is a part of my generation.

I know this wonderfully charming and delightfully intelligent and attractive and even shares my sarcastic sense of humor 20 something guy.

20 something.

10 years younger than me.

10 years and a life time of experiences younger than me - though I admit he is not exactly the average 20 something anyway in that our experiences of life at that age don't differ greatly.

Now, I have to admit that I completely and totally enjoy chatting with this guy. He reminds me much of a younger and less of a bad boy man that I work with and with whom I share great banter. While this guy is the typical bad boy who has become a polished professional now in his late 40's, the young guy is not. He shares the amazing wit but lacks the hard edges - he lacks the chip on his shoulder.

He is the guy that exchanges little comments with me via e-mail. The one that I happened to spot as I returned from lunch one day - looking charming in his glasses and ready smile. I stopped to chat on my way to talk to someone else. He struck a pose - leaning up against the door jam, casually cool and relaxed while I chatted gaily (and a tad flirtatiously) from the other side of the door. Facial expressions are us - my game face at such moments. Animation, laughter, and all done with an attractive (be it younger) man who is actually a good bit taller than my 5'9 (in heels) self.

I wished, for a mere moment, I had met such a man when I was his age - similar places in life, similar backgrounds, similar interests... similar desires and that very slight hint of chemistry that will not be exploited.

And then... I wished that I had a younger sister to set him up with. I wish that I had a younger friend to set him up with. I wish I knew anyone to set him up with!!

I don't play match maker, but this guy is just. Fabulous. It leaves me wanting to find a fabulous woman to introduce him to.

I doubt he is hurting for female attention. I am sure that even if I had a nice woman in mind... well, I just don't play match maker but I might for this guy and a very nice woman. He is the only single guy I have ever considered setting up with anyone; the only one I would feel comfortable introducing to a friend as a potential match.

Don't get me wrong, I have entertained the idea of a slight pursuit. Entertained being the operative word. But seriously, how young is too young? Men can get away with that ten year age difference, but can women? Can late 30 something women when the guy is a 20something? I can see what young women might find attractive about older men, but what does an older woman have to offer a 20 something man?

7 comments:

I think age really is just a number. And as much as I don't usually jump on the sexist bandwagon, if you were in your late 20s and he were in his late 30s, would it be the same?

If you like him and if he seems to like you, who cares about who has lived more days and years? Like you said, having similar life experience and similar goals/direction are, I think, more important than the year one was born.

However, if you decide that he's too young for you and are looking for someone younger to set him up with...well, you know where to find me.

Well first, I am your SAME age so putting myself in your shoes, I would also think ten years younger is too young. I have only dated one guy that was my same age, none younger and my exes are both 9 years older. But, Liz is right; it is just a number and it depends on the person. My older exes were pretty immature when it came down to it, and a lot of guys that are younger are more progressive. I have a date with a 35 yr old (I know, not a huge stretch)next week. But twenty something would be hard to grasp. Demi and Ashton look pretty happy though!

I know a couple, very happily married--she is 20 years older than he is. They have adopted a very needy child (meaning debilitating physical problems) and work together as a team to make their family work.

I think 28(ish) is not too young, in general, for anyone. It's all about maturity anyway. I have met men my age (29) who are above and beyond men ten years older. I just can't put a number on that. Though I will say, for me, I wouldn't date someone too much younger at this point in my life, but that's because that would mean they were like 21 or 22 and then I'd just feel like a perv. ;)

Ultimately, the only thing that matters is what you and he think. Neither, I or any of your readers, can live your life. Nor should we try.

I know you are a lovely lady and he would be very lucky to have you on his arm at dinner, movies or anywhere.

Is there a long term future for people that age difference? Who cares! First go have some fun and find out if he can be a steady friend for a few weeks before you worry about whether or not you can grow old and retire together. If after a year or so you see things won't work long term, at least you will have had a year of fun together.