Count the Bad Mommies

Saturday, February 9, 2008

My 3month old son, The Kid, spent two hours watching tv last night. I lay him on the floor on a pillow in the lounge, where Luke was watching tv, brought out some toys and started playing with him. It wasn't long before he was distracted by the tv, and shortly thereafter his eyeballs were glued. He watched wrestling with Luke, and snoozed through Eastenders.

I always swore I'd never use television as a babysitter, but I guess that went down the toilet last night. And he's just like Luke, can lie there watching absolute shit without giving a shit.

I might as well go out now and buy him all The Barney The Dinosaur DVDs and maybe even a whole bunch of Teletubbies too....

1. How is mothering, in reality, different from what you expected it to be?

It's hard. I never expected it to be this hard. And everyone keeps telling me I have it easy. Come again? Right now I feel more like a babysitter than a mother. I spend the entire day trying not to make him cry, changing his nappies, feeding him, entertaining him. Basically waiting for 7pm when I can bath him, give him a massage, feed him and put him to bed.

2. What is something you, as a kid, vowed you would never say to your own kids? Have you kept the vow?

Haven't been able to try any of that on The Kid yet. He's not yet mobile, and not much of a little terror yet. However, I cant wait to try 'dont do as I do, do as I say'. That is one of the things keeping me going.

3. If someone stopped in to your house for a surprise visit, would you be glad for the company, or self-concious by the condition of your home?There are days when I'm the Domestic Goddess and I manage to get the entire house cleaned, grocery shopping done, washing done, dinner cooked and I even have time and energy to bake an apple crumble or have some friends over for dinner. Other days are just too much effort. And staying in my dressing gown the entire day seems mandatory. But I'd probably be self-conscious about the mess my house is (it's open plan, so gets messed up within 2 seconds of having cleaned it - fucking nightmare I tell you) but then we'd just go sit upstairs on the balcony, and I'd get over myself. Hey, if you wanna drop in uninvited, dont you be judgmental about the state of my house, okay?

4. If you had twins tomorrow (boy and a girl) and you got to name them without any input from anyone else, what would you choose?

Tristan and Tamara

5. Did you suffer from post natal depression (this is an awful boring question but I always wonder about this cause I didn't suffer myself)?

I'm not actually sure. Did I want to slit my wrists or kill my baby? Not exactly. But there were moments when I could understand why mothers drown their babies, or smother them with pillows. That didn't mean I wanted to do it myself. I guess it all had to do with Luke's mom taking The Kid when I needed a break. Otherwise who knows what might have happened?

But I am definitely still very moody, am prone to serious tantrums and childish behaviour. But then again, I guess I was always like that...

Sorry to be getting in under the wire (or is it already next week in South Africa? I might already be a problem-causer...).

1. How is mothering, in reality, different from what you expected it to be?Well, like Angel, because of TV I was sure my house would always look stylish & delightful, my hat-wearing husband would be charmingly sympathetic to my daily plight, and four-course healthy meals would magically appear in front of my fresh scrubbed polite little tots. That is not so in my real world.

2. What is something you, as a kid, vowed you would never say to your own kids? Have you kept the vow?"Why can't you be like __________ (fill in the blank with the name of someone more sweet/compliant/well-dressed/academically motivated)?" I have absolutely kept that vow, as a mom and a teacher. Unless somebody is driving me up a wall, then I will break it out sarcastically in an attempt to lighten the mood...

3. If someone stopped in to your house for a surprise visit, would you be glad for the company, or self-conscious by the condition of your home?Since I've gone back to teaching all day everyday, I would definitely be self-conscious about the unswept floors, sticky counters, and piles of dishes (that's just downstairs...), but I would also love the company.

4. If you had twins tomorrow (boy and a girl) and you got to name them without any input from anyone else, what would you choose?Hmmm. Should I choose something that reflects the nightmarish idea of having two infants in my house tomorrow, or nicer, friendlier names? 'Doom' and 'Gloom' seems too mean; I'd go with 'Gage' & 'Lucy.'

5. Did you suffer from postnatal depression?Sadness about being in that frumpy land between darling maternity clothes and my old hottie jeans, yes, but nothing debilitating, thank God. I am immensely sympathetic with those who do.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

1. How is mothering, in reality, different from what you expected it to be?Honestly, I expected it to be a little easier. I didn’t bargain on dealing with a special needs child, with Damien being an ADHDer... and I sure as hell never bargained on doing it all on my own. Children never featured in the teenage, daydream, views of my future- and I do not for one instant regret having Damien- but I did expect it to be easier.I blame sitcoms.

2. What is something you, as a kid, vowed you would never say to your own kids? Have you kept the vow?Teehee... there were several things I swore I would never say “...because I said so...” being one of them, and I so often hear my mother when I talk to Damien- especially when we’re arguing over something.And no, I have said it several times!

3. If someone stopped in to your house for a surprise visit, would you be glad for the company, or self-concious by the condition of your home?Ooer... I would be totally and completely self-conscious about the state of my flat. Every single time.

4. If you had twins tomorrow (boy and a girl) and you got to name them without any input from anyone else, what would you choose?Oh heaven help me were that to happen... I would go with Xavier and Zoe.

5. Did you suffer from post natal depression?I remember having some “baby blues” in the hospital when Damien was about 3 days old- back in the day when a normal birth warranted a week in hospital... and I think I remember a brief crying jag at home a few weeks later- but I never had it bad.

Wow. I think my year has just been made - someone actually asking me to contribute to their blog! Thank you. No, seriously....

I'm guessing the best place to start would be with an introduction. In order to expedite the process (and at the risk of getting flamed for seriously shameless plugging), I recommend reading this post to begin with. It's mostly still applicable, I think, at least in my own mind. Except that my life has become far, far more interesting since then - a fact I can confidently attribute to the fact that we have just recently returned to South Africa after three years in the United Arab Emirates, and now live less than a 10-minute drive from my in-laws...

I am the best mother I know how to be, which, to some, is not saying much. To my kids, however, it seems more than adequate thusfar, and I have no doubt that if you were to ask either of them whether they are loved enough, they would answer in the affirmative.

And with that little disclaimer out of the way, excuse me while I join the party and mingle... Anyone know where to find the vodka?

Monday, February 4, 2008

How is mothering, in reality, different from what you expected it to be?

It's not. I didn't know what to expect at all though, so it isn't LIKE what I expected either...

What is something you, as a kid, vowed you would never say to your own kids? Have you kept the vow?

"Because I said so" And I haven't said it... but I've said every singly variation on it I can think of.

If someone stopped in to your house for a surprise visit, would you be glad for the company, or self-conscious by the condition of your home?

Let's make one thing very very clear... don't fucking come over to my house unless you're invited. It usually has nothing to do with my house, it's more that... well I don't like ANYBODY who shows up at my door unexpected. I have a phone. Don't you?

If you had twins tomorrow (boy and a girl) and you got to name them without any input from anyone else, what would you choose?

If I magically had twins and didn't have to carry them and give birth to them... wow.... aside from all the extreme changes I would have to make in my life... um... Paul and oh, I don't know.. maybe Bella

Did you suffer from post natal depression (this is an awful boring question but I always wonder about this cause I didn't suffer myself)?

1. How is mothering, in reality, different from what you expected it to be?I never really expected anything, so the answer is not at all!

2. What is something you, as a kid, vowed you would never say to your own kids? Have you kept the vow?I promised myself I would never yell at her for acting out when she just wanted attention or when she is doing something and won't stop because it was funny the first three hundred times, but is wearing a little thin now. Have I kept it? I really, really, really try. I now say "that was funny and fun the first three hundred times, but it isn't anymore. I really don't want to yell at you when we were having so much fun, so please stop using me as a human trampoline my sweet, beautiful angel." It usually works, but I do sometimes yell on my less patient days.

3. If someone stopped in to your house for a surprise visit, would you be glad for the company, or self-concious by the condition of your home?I am never self-concious by the condition of my home. Not because it is pristine, but because I don't give a rats ass what anyone else thinks. Would I be glad for the company? Hmmm, it would really depend who it was at the door.

4. If you had twins tomorrow (boy and a girl) and you got to name them without any input from anyone else, what would you choose?Iraq (boy) and Iran (girl) :-)

5. Did you suffer from post natal depression (this is an awful boring question but I always wonder about this cause I didn't suffer myself)?Not at all. I really do empathise with people who do though, it must be awful!

1. How is mothering, in reality, different from what you expected it to be?

There is a lot less cuddling and snuggling up to mom than I expected. More like watching this monstrosity who made you fat for nine months grow up and becoming a person in their own right, knowing there is nothing you can do about it.

2. What is something you, as a kid, vowed you would never say to your own kids? Have you kept the vow?

I never wanted to have a child. I have made a promise to never tell her that, but sometimes she tries really hard to get it out of me. So far, I’ve held out.

3. If someone stopped in to your house for a surprise visit, would you be glad for the company, or self-conscious by the condition of your home?

I usually pretend I’m not home. I have those camera thingamjiks at the gate. If you don’t tell me you’re coming over, chances are I’m gonna pretend I’m out. However, even with invited guests, you don’t like sharing the couch with The Pickle’s doll, tough shit.

4. If you had twins tomorrow (boy and a girl) and you got to name them without any input from anyone else, what would you choose?

Bugger, I dunno, possibly some hard-to-pronounce Xhosa name like, Qhamani and Qhayiya.

5. Did you suffer from postnatal depression (this is an awful boring question but I always wonder about this cause I didn't suffer myself)?

No but I did suffer from denial. So I spent a lot of money on baby sitters so I could carry on with my nightly debauchery.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

What was your biggest disappointment when you found out you were pregnant and how did you cope with it?Hmmm. Because I am an utter control freak, I pretty much had everything in place. Let's see. I guess a big disappointment was how very emotional I became and therefore could not bear to teach the adjudicated youth I worked with anymore; crying in front of teenage students is decidedly unproductive. I coped by constantly pinching myself when feeling weepy, getting those kids ready for and passing their tests as fast as I could, and helping them hire a new teacher.

How have you managed, if you have, to retain the friendships of child-less friends?I didn't do very well - the few childless friends we had were pretty much left out of the new-baby-loop. But more, I think, due to their discomfort with the shift of attention & priorities. (I think?) Wow, that feels pretty rotten. (Thanks a lot for reminding me...).

Have you acknowledged the mistakes you have made in raising your child, to your child?Oh definitely. The few times I've become a lunatic (Hulk Mom, actually tearing my son's door from its hinges, and various episodes of shrieking and grabbing shoulders) I have announced a time out for myself then followed up with a calm discussion of what went wrong and how we'll behave differently next time. I'm hoping to figure less in their future therapy sessions because of this...(Wish me luck).

What is the best thing your kid's other parent has said about your parenting?He is awestruck at my creativity in discipline strategies, and appreciates my ability to stay calm (my beastly actions notwithstanding) in discussions.

What is the worst?That I let them get away with too much backtalk. (Whatever).