November 29, 2006

Holy crap! I’ve been at this for four years now. Back when I posted my first entry, I had no idea what an adventure this exercise would turn out to be. I figured I would shoot some silliness into cyberspace for a couple of weeks to get it out of my system, thinking that nobody but my cousin Jack (who is to blame for getting me into this) would read it, or perhaps that some alien astronomer geek in another galaxy searching for life forms might happen upon it.

As such, I was then, and remain to this day, amazed and deeply flattered that some people regularly find this place worthy of a minute or two of their time. And, I never dreamed that writing on this page would lead to my making so many new friends all over the country (and a few outside the country) both online and in person. Go figure.

Where will it all lead? I have no idea. I suspect that at some point I’ll run out of things to say. In fact, some days I think that I have already hit that point, but so far, it hasn’t happened – at least I don’t think it has. Until that day comes, I guess I’ll keep strokin’.

November 28, 2006

Those of you who are regular visitors to Eric’s Site know that he is a skilled wordsmith who can extract beauty from the mundane things that pass us by each day without notice. It matters not whether it’s dew on the grass, a spider on the window or a hot cup of coffee on a chilly day; it’s raw material for one of his regular linguistic works of art.

It really is quite something.

But, as those of us who know Eric in the real world know, there is much more to the man than his ability to turn a phrase. For instance, did you know that this poetry-reciting Tennessee gentleman is fiercely competitive? In fact, I sometimes think that he’ll do anything to win, no matter what the contest.

November 27, 2006

I know it’s been a while since I’ve made an entry, but I have been sooooooo busy with important Speaker in the House stuff. But, anywhoooo, I have a few minutes, so I thought I’d catch up.

The other night I went to L.A. to see Barbra Streisand’s concert. OMFG, she is so totally awesome. In the middle of her show she announced that I was in the audience, and everyone stood up and cheered for MEEEEEE!!!!!! I couldn’t believe it – a standing croation from all those people – for me!!! Then she sang, “Happy Days Are Here Again”. Dear Diary, let me tell you; I had to choke back the tears. Too bad she has saggy tits.

How about those shitheels in the democrat carcass voting to make that asshole Steny Hoyer the Majority Leader? Miserable bastards. I’ll bet that, over the years, I’ve shown half of them my tits, and this is what I get in return?

Those bastards knew goddamned well that I wanted Johnny Murtha for the job. He is the only one who knows how to deal with that Iraq thing. I like his idea of reemploying the troops to Ogallala. Believe you me, if we do that, the tiarists will stop all the silliness. I always say, “If you want to make a friend, you have to be a friend.”

So anyway, after the vote was announced, I had to pose for a picture with that Steny creep. While the photographer was taking the picture, Steny whispered in my ear that I had a hot ass. Of course, he’s right about that, but nobody – NO-BOD-DEE with a stupid name like “Steny” gets to fondle the Pelosi booty. Well nobody, except if you have a name like “Barack”.

OMFG! Is that guy hot or what? Fondle away Baracky!! LOL. Dear Diary, I have a super seeeeecret plan. Here it is. OMG, the next time I pass Baracky in the House of the Senate, I’m going to rub my tits against him and give him a wink. The boy will be MINE! LOL!!!

Well, Dear Diary, I have to stop writing now, because my friend Hilly is on her way over and she’s bringing some bitchin’ Panama Red with her. When I asked her where she scored such primo herb, she wouldn’t tell me, but I know damned well it was Teddy. He’s always got tons of good shit at his place. LOL!

OMG, check this out. Hilly is also bringing one of those George Bush dolls.

I was like, “A George Bush doll? Why the hell are you bringing a George Bush doll?”

Bill and Melinda Gates: They described their choice for Person of the Year as follows:

[Over the past thirty years] he has focused on big issues: waging peace, fighting disease and building hope. [He] has inspired us and countless others across the political spectrum by tirelessly living his own advice: “The worst thing that you can do is not to try.”

A lifelong hawk, he was willing to tell the truth to the American people about the Iraq war and helped make it the central issue in the 2006 campaign. When he spoke out against the war, he followed his gut and his conscience. In the process, he moved the people–and the polls.

Her choice: John Murtha, proving that you can have a shitload of money and still be dumb as a bag of hammers.

I’m heading over to the Post to try to calm my gag reflex with a couple of brewskies.

November 25, 2006

I returned from the morning walk, and apparently I had not received the memo announcing that today is “Try to Run Jimbo Down Day”. At least three people seemed to be doing their damnedest to turn me into road pizza.

Bastards!

Oh, yeah. I know what’s going on. The temperature was in the mid to high forties, and I was walking in a tee shirt, a nylon windbreaker and shorts. I guess if you’re driving your SUV with the heater on and you’re dressed as if you were about to make the final push to the summit of Mount Everest, you feel it’s perfectly fine to try to kill a guy wearing shorts.

Memo to you woolen-hatted, parka-wearing, ski-gloved douchebags: “Yo! Scrotum Puss! Nobody’s telling YOU to wear shorts, so STFU, and focus on driving the car so as not to commit vehicular homicide.”

Bastards!

And, when I was two blocks away from home and satisfied that I had left the Asshole Zone, I encountered an old guy (yeah, older than I am), leisurely strolling in the other direction. Like the goose-down covered SUV drivers, he too was dressed appropriately for ice fishing. He gave me a big smile, then broke out in laughter as he pointed somewhere between my ass and my knees and said, with a heavy Eastern European tongue, something that sounded like. “Dyoo plany gledge!”

I checked my shorts to see whether they were ripped, possibly exposing my plany, or maybe my gledge. Everything was fine. Apparently the guy was just one of the seemingly endless varieties of Jersey Nutbar.

November 24, 2006

I swiped this from Bogie. I have no reason to believe that anyone will lose sleep wondering, “Yo, what kind of stuff has Jimbo done? Or not done?” But, the exercise required a bit of reflection, some of which tweaked old memories – mostly good.

So, here goes:

Have I ever:

1. Bought everyone in the bar a drink–Definitely2. Swam with wild dolphins–I usually “swim” with the Usual Suspects, and it can get pretty wild.3. Climbed a mountain–More like a big hill, when I was a Boy Scout.4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive–No. I prefer big, fat, black capitalist cars.5. Been inside the Great Pyramid–No and as long as it remains in Egypt (which I suspect it will), I won’t be visiting.6. Held a tarantula–No, but if I had to choose between that and a holding a crab, bring on the eight-legger.7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone–I don’t believe so.8. Said “I love you’ and meant it! –Absolutely.9. Hugged a tree–No, nor have I ever worn Birkenstocks, thank you very much.10. Bungee jumped–No, and I have no plans to do so.11. Visited Paris–See previous answer.12. Watched a lightning storm at sea–Yes and once from a plane. Yowza!13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise–Yes, many, many times.14. Seen the Northern Lights–No, but I’ve seen plenty of traffic lights.15. Gone to a huge sports game–Yes – Yankee Stadium (many times), Shea Stadium (once) and to the Meadowlands to watch a football game and froze my stindeens off.16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa–No, but I did walk a spiral stiarcase to the highest point in this building.17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables–Yes. Jersey tomatoes are the best. Must be all that dioxin.18. Touched an iceberg–No, but I like Iceberg vodka.19. Slept under the stars–Yes, if sleeping in a tent counts.20. Changed a baby’s diaper–Yes, indeed. Reminds me of a funny stoy (future blogfodder)21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon–No, but I’ve known more than few hot air people.22. Watched a meteor shower–Dammit, I missed the one last week. Too much vodka.23. Drunk champagne–Yes, but for the past several years I’ve stuck to its American cousin from California.24. Given more than you can afford to charity–No, but I’m pretty good at giving what I can afford.25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope–Don’t own one.26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment–Yes, many, many times.27. Had a good fight–One or two, in my yoot.28. Bet on a winning horse–Yes, but rarely, very rarely.29. Asked out a stranger–No. Too shy. Really.30. Had a snowball fight–Yes. It’s part of growing up in Jersey.31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can–Yes, but not in anger.32. Held a lamb–Not a live one, not that I ever held a dead one either.33. Seen a total eclipse–I don’t think so. Besides I can never get the solar and lunar thing right.34. Ridden a roller coaster–Yes. I like the front seat the best.35. Scored a winning goal–If horseshoes counts, yes. Ken, my bodyguard, and I regularly trounce two of the Usual Suspects who actually think they can throw shoes. Feh!36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking–Yes, often.37. Adopted an accent for an entire day–No, unless Jerseyspeak counts.38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment–Yes, often. Thankfully.39. Visited all 5 continents–No. Although I’ve been to Europe, I’d rather see Montana before I mess around with other continents.40. Taken care of someone who was drunk–Ha! I’ve been a care giver and a care receiver.41. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country–Probably, but it was a long time ago.42. Watched wild whales–No, unless surfing past “The View” counts.43. Stolen a sign–Yes, and fortunately the statute of limitations has long since run.44. Backpacked–Yes. In the Boy Scouts, we called it hiking, and in the Army we called it “forward, march”.45. Taken a road-trip–Yes, but in Jersey, we consider anything farther than ten miles to be a road trip.46. Gone rock climbing–No, and you can rest assured that I never will.47. Midnight walk on the beach –Of course.45. Gone sky diving–See answer to no. 46.49. Taken a train through Europe–I’ve taken trains in Europe, but not through Europe. [Note to self: Yo, Jimbo. Lighten up. These are not interrogatories, fer Chrissake.]50. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love–Yes. Ridding one’s self of heartbreak is like trying to eradicate a Plantar’s wart.51. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table, and had a meal with them–Not on purpose.52. Milked a cow–No, and I’m sure I’d hurt the poor thing. Besides, cows are really big.53. Alphabetized your CDs–ALWAYS!54. Sung karaoke–I can sing some kickass karaoke.55. Lounged around in bed all day– No, except if having flu counts.56. Gone scuba diving–Snorkeled once, and that was enough, thank you. I really don’t need to see what is swimming around in the water with me.57. Kissed in the rain–I probably have, but I’m not sure.58. Gone to a drive-in theatre–Yes, often in my yoot. Sometimes I even put the speaker in the car.59. Started a business–Yes, if a band counts as a business.60. Taken a martial arts class–No. It would mess up my hair.61. Been in a movie–No, but I’m hoping that someone makes a movie called, “Garden State Knuckleheads”. I figure I’d have a shot.62. Crashed a party–No. At least I don’t remember ever doing that.63. Gone without food for 5 days–No, but I ought to consider it.64. Gotten a tattoo–See answer to no. 4665. Got flowers for no reason–No, but I got slugged once for no reason.66. Performed on stage–Yes, a zillion times.67. Been to Las Vegas–Yes, back when Howard Hughes was still alive and being nuts.68. Recorded music–Yep. Made a couple records, which have been relegated to the distbin of history.69. Buried one/both of your parents–Both.70. Been on a cruise ship–Yes, quite a few times. Always with the Usual Suspects.71. Spoken more than one language fluently–Yes, reasonably fluently, but I’ve lost much of it, weil ich habe keiene Gelegenheiten deutsch zu sprechen.72. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over–Yes, courtesy of the U.S. Army.73. Walked a famous bridge–I’ve driven over several and walked across a few not so famous ones.74. Had plastic surgery–No. It wouldn’t help.75. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived–If one answers “no” to this question, does that mean that the person answering the question did not survive? WTF?76. Written articles for a large publication–Wrote a Law Review article once, but my blog probably has more readers, which says more about the Law Review than it does my blog.77. Tried to lose weight seriously–Oh, yes. I’ve tried it jokingly many times as well.78. Been in the military–Yep.79. Read a good book–One or two.80. Piloted an airplane–I have a hard enough time navigating horizontal planes. Having to also worry about “up” and “down” (especially “down”) is something I ought not do.80. Petted a stingray–Crikey! See answer to no. 46.81. Broken someone’s heart–I hope not.82. Broken a bone–Yes, once, and I don’t recommend it.83. Eaten sushi–See answer to no. 46. It’s raw goddamned fish, people.84. Had your picture in the newspaper–Yes. I had forgotten about it, but Cousin Jack sent it to me a year or so ago.85. Parasailed–No, but after a few cocktails, I might consider it.86. Skipped all your school reunions–I went to one, which is the reason I’ve skipped the rest..87. Shaved your head–OMG, no! Oh….the humanity!!! The Army did it for me once, though.88. Caused a car accident–Yes, but when it happened, I was minding my own business on the sidewalk. A girl who sorta liked me in high school waved at me from the car and smacked into the guy in front of her. The Great Farookin’ Hair strikes again!89. Pretended to be “sick”–Yes, in my yoot, and often on Mondays and Fridays.90. Swam in the Pacific Ocean–Yes, in Hawaii.91. Saved someone’s life–I believe I did. It was a Heimlich thing.92. Fainted–Yes, although, under the circumstances, it would be better referred to as “passing out”..93. Been in the room while someone is giving birth–No, but I went the distance in the labor room. Oy!94. Hitchhiked–Yes a couple times as a kid (not smart) and once while in uniform (got a ride right away).95. Adopted a child–No.96. Been caught daydreaming–In high school, daydreaming was my major.97. Been to the Painted Desert–No. I believe that that is somewhere west of Camden, no?98. Called off a wedding engagement–Nope.99. Become a follower of Jesus Christ–Huh?100. [There was no number 100. I wonder why.]

While I was in the Hotel Thayer at West Point this weekend, I strolled into the Gift Shop with an eye toward buying a West Point souvenir, maybe a tee shirt or hat. As soon as I walked through the door, a nice looking windbreaker caught my eye. I looked at the label, and it said:

Made in Vietnam

Now, I know that the leadership of the past and current administrations has decided to normalize relations with Vietnam (a notion I have never been all that comfortable with), but seeing West Point merchandise that was made in Vietnam being sold on West Point Property was a shocker.

I left the store without buying anything. So did the Usual Suspects, all of whom are Vietnam Era and Vietnam veterans. I suspect many people, particularly veterans and non-veterans in my age group, leave without buying anything.

The gift shops at West Point (one in the Hotel Thayer and one in the Visitor Center) are operated by the Daughters of the United States Army, a nonprofit organization, which donates the profits to local communities, but the trademarks associated with the United States Military Academy belong to the Department of the Army, and their use requires the grant of a royalty-bearing license. The trademark page of Academy website states in part:

The Department of Army owns the trademarks associated with the United States Military Academy, and has authorized the Military Academy to administer the trademark program. The marks are controlled by the Office of the Directorate of Intercollegiate Athletics and the Association of Graduates. The Collegiate Licensing Company of Atlanta, GA oversees the use of the trademarks on products and grants licenses for their use. Collegiate Licensing Company also polices and enforces the marks and is a vital partner with the Department of Army in ensuring West Point’s names, symbols, and colors are used in a manner consistent with its reputation as a builder of leaders of character prepared for service to the Nation as an Army officer.

To use any USMA-related trademark on any item or in connection with any service, a potential vendor must first obtain a license, or permission, to use the trademark from CLC. Licenses generate royalties, which are paid into the general funds of both ODIA and AOG to directly support the Corps of Cadets. West Point’s Licensing Director works with CLC to ensure only the highest-quality goods and services carry the USMA-related trademarks and is the final approval authority.