Saturday, August 13, 2011

I can not believe that you would have been 3 years old today. I often times think to myself what you would be like if you were here.....What would be your favorite food? Would you be a tom boy or a little princess? What you would look like? Sadly, I will never know the answers to my questions, but that doesn't stop me from continuing to think about you. We put together a BBQ @ Grammy and Grandpas and invited everyone over. Your Daddy and I wanted to make sure we honored your birthday and have a celebration in your memory.

It wasn't the same without you there. This is the first and not the last birthday we have to celebrate in your absence. We miss you more and more everyday. Your baby brother Collin looks so much like you. He has your attitude and spunk. When he is happy, his face lights up and you can see it in his eyes - it is as if he smiles with his eyes, just as you used to do. We talk to Collin all the time about you. We tell him stories and show him pictures of you often. It is my goal to ensure your memory lives on as long as I do.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Sorry it has been so long since my last entry. I have been a little preoccupied the last couple months. As you know, we welcomed Kennedy's baby brother into the world on Monday, May 2, 2011. He has been such a blessing. I just know that Kennedy is beaming down from above with such joy and pride. So far all has been well with Collin - with the exception of a minor surgery he had on Sunday, June 5, 2011 at just 4 weeks of age.

We took Collin into to our amazing pediatrician earlier that week because of some vomiting and overall irritability. He advised that it could be a couple things. He said there were two strains of the stomach virus going around, it could be reflux, or possibly pyloric stenosis. Everything I was describing to our Ped sounded like classical reflux symptoms. He prescribed us an antacid and sent us on our way. By Friday things were only getting worse. I called our Ped friday night explained the situation. He said he would be in clinic on Sunday and to bring him in if things progressed. Of course I was overly anxious. I went on with my laundry list of questions regarding dehydration. He gave me five key pre-cursors to look for. He proceeded to tell us if any of these occurred over the weekend to just take him into the ER. Well Friday night was horrible. Collin projectile vomited all evening, screamed bloody murder, and decided that it was unnecessary to produce urine any longer. Once we went about 24 hours with only two small wet diapers we decided to take him in.

After lots of waiting we received an ultrasound and were given the diagnosis of pyloric stenosis - which is a narrowing of the pyloric muscle (a muscle connecting the stomach to the small intestine). This muscle becomes extremely large and does not allow food to pass from the stomach to the small intestine. We were told that he would need a pyloromyotamy to allveiate the problem. I remember when I first heard that Collin could potentially need surgery, my mom and I just looked up and said to each other, "Kennedy, don't worry we haven't forgotten about you". Walking through the doors of that hospital, seeing some of Kennedys nurses and being in those very rooms Kennedy occupied a couple years ago as she fought for her life was a little overwhelming.

But this time unlike any other time with Kennedy, there was a cure for this particular issue. Collin would be cured. Something we prayed and prayed about for our Kennedy, but unfortunately it was not gods will. Collins surgery was a success and he has been a new baby ever since. No more vomiting and no more irritability. I must say that I feel so fortunate to have Kennedy up above looking over us. Collin is one lucky little brother to have such an amazing big sister - his very own personal guardian angel!

I would be lying if I didn't say that having a new baby in our lives hasn't been hard. I remember the very first night we brought Collin home and laid him in our bed for the evening, I was overcome with extreme guilt. I could not help but feel as if I was replacing our baby girl with this new baby. Deep down I know that Collin is not a replacement for Kennedy, but at that moment I could not help but feel utter weakness and sorrow for myself. I wanted to look down in that bed and see our Kennedy laying there, instead that spot was occupied by her baby brother.

Well, I started off this post wanting to go in a totally different direction, but apparently I went off on some wild tangent. What I originally wanted to talk about was something that took my breath away a couple weeks ago. The three of us went to our local italian deli to pick up some items for a BBQ we were hosting. As we were waiting in line, I glanced over at Brian who was holding Collin and what I saw just about brought me to my knees....

What I saw in front of me brought tears to my eyes. What was my husband holding my son, appeared to be a mirror image of my Kennedy. I made Brian stand still so I could snap this photo. That one moment made my day!

Mommy misses you Kennedy! Our life just isn't the same without you in it!!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

The Bonomo Family is proud to introduce the newest member to our family.....

(Newborn Photo Shoot - Collin Rocco Bonomo 5 days old)

Collin Rocco Bonomo

Born: Monday, May 2, 2011

Time: 8:03 AM

Weight: 8lbs 3oz

Length: 19inches

Mommy Daddy and Baby are doing great. Collin was born at Loma Linda University Medical Center (a place that has become like a second home to this family). Even though Kennedy is not here in a physical sense, I know that she is beaming down from heaven upon her baby brother. Collin has many distinct characteristics that emulate features possessed by his big sister. The first 24 hours I literally sat in awe looking upon the miracle that I was given. It was very bitter sweet to be holding Collin, because such a big part of me yearned to have Kennedy in my arms. Will update more sometime this week!!!!

(The most amazing photo....Jen our photographer left me speechless with this picture. The meaning behind the sign could not be more true)

Sunday, May 1, 2011

(The very first time Mommy laid her eyes on you Aug. 13, 2008 - I had no idea what the future held for us but I loved you without limitations. You were the single greatest thing to have ever happened to me)

Dearest Kennedy,

Tomorrow we meet your baby brother for the very first time. Mommy is very anxious for the big day, however, I am also very saddened at the fact that you will not be around to celebrate in this joyous occasion. For over five months I remember conjuring up all sorts of ideas about the day you and Collin would meet for the very first time. Oh we knew how much you loved babies around you. You always became so engaged at the sights and sounds of one near by you. You had this intuitive sense for small babies and they seemed to bring you such peace. You were the first one to feel Collin kick inside Mommy's tummy. You spent hours and hours in close contact with him as Mommy held you.

But sadly instead of a day full of pure joy and excitement....tomorrow will be a day full of mixed emotions. Of course we are elated to welcome your baby brother, but we are also greatly saddened in your absence. I know as your daddy and I are in the operating room waiting for Collin's grand entrance, you will be watching over us all. Collin is the luckiest little boy to have such an amazing big sister. So tomorrow our family grows by one more member - we move from being a family of three to becoming a family of four. Even though you are not physically present anymore your memory is and never will be forgotten. Because of you Daddy and I have grown so much as individuals and you have made us even better parents.

I love you and miss you more and more everyday. I wish things were different and that you were back home with us, but for now I have accepted that our separation is only temporary. I look forward to the day that we are reunited.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

As I reflect upon your life today I am overcome with emotions. The logic of medicine said you should have never lived as long as you did, but you had plans of your own. You were such a fighter. We were told over-and-over that it would take a miracle for you to leave the NICU alive. Your Daddy and I were so very proud to carry you through those hospital doors on Thursday, October 16, 2008. We were then told that it would take a miracle for you to live to celebrate your first birthday and when you accomplished that feat let me tell you something, we celebrated and danced like we had won the lottery. Day in and day out we were overjoyed and in awe in your presence. You were so head strong and determined (I wonder where you got that from?) Doctors didn't give us much hope. According to them, it was only a matter of time before your journey here on this earth would draw to an end. You fought on.....

You lived:

2.41 Years

28.89 Months

125.41 Weeks

878 Days

21,068.85 Hours

1,264,131 Minutes

75,847,860 Second

You were such a fighter. You made it quite evident that this was your journey and you were going to be responsible for writing the ending to your story. No one was going to dictate to you how your life would turn out. I must tell you Kennedy I am so very proud of you. I was given the most amazing gift of life on Wednesday, August 13, 2008. The way I feel about you can only be described as the way a parent must feel when their child becomes president or finds a cure for cancer. You spoke few words and were here on this earth for such a short time, but the impact that you have had on myself and others is unbelievable.

You continue to live on inside of me! I celebrate your life daily. This world will never forget you!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

(Christmas 2009 - Kennedy was always so mesmerized when she was in her Daddy's arms)

My Dearest Kennedy,

Today marked another month since you left us here on earth to go walk hand-and-hand with our lord. I must admit I miss you more and more as time goes on. The idea of permanence has become an incredibly hard concept for me to grasp. It is very heartbreaking to know that I will never see your face, hear your voice, or touch your skin here on this earth. I have been struggling knowing that I have to wait an entire lifetime before I am able to be by your side again.

Your brother is doing amazing. The doctors say that mommy has a big boy growing inside of her belly. I am anxiously anticipating his grand arrival. I can not wait to see what traits or characteristics that he possess of yours - will it be his hands, hair color, eye shape, nose, mouth....It does not have to be something big, I just want him to carry something of you on him forever.

I know you already know this, but you have the most amazing daddy in the whole world! He has been taking extra good care of mommy in your absence. Kennedy, you have really helped to shape your daddy into one of the most selfless, thoughtful, caring individuals. He is still very quiet but when he talks the words that come from his lips are profound. We went out to dinner yesterday and I was telling him about another little baby that was born very sick. This baby's mommy and daddy were about to be faced with the toughest decision of their life. He was only 14 days old and because of his diagnosis his prognosis was very poor/terminal. They were going to remove him from life support. They were praying and praying to god for a miracle, unfortuanelty he had other plans for this very special little boy (just like he had for you).

As I conveyed this story to your daddy he looks back at me and says, "we are so lucky". I knew exactly what he was talking about, but asked for clarification to ensure we were on the same page. He proceeded to tell me how sorry he feels for families put in this position and feels incredible gratitude that we were able to take you home and get to know our first born baby. He continues on by saying, that we unlike many families were able to enjoy 29 long months with you in our lives. We exposed you to all the world had to offer - we took you any where and everywhere sharing with you life's experiences. He proceeded to say that so many other families are not as lucky as we are and for that he is eternally thankful. We got to know you Kennedy on such a deeper level. We were able to share you with the world and become enamored in your presence.

I must say Kennedy - your daddy is one smart cookie. We are lucky and blessed! Even though your time here on this earth was short we live with no regrets. We do not second guess any of our decisions in your care and we know that we gave you the best life any two people could possibly offer. We are the lucky ones.....god decided to bless us with you as our daughter. To have had you in our lives even for such a short time is a gift that none will ever surpass. So many other families are not as lucky as we are.

I love you more than anything in this world Kennedy. I continue to share your story with everyone. You will forever be a presence in this family. One thing I can ensure you is that me, your daddy, grammy, grandpa, auntie and uncle will never ever forget you. We talk of you often and reminisce about your life. I have said it once but I will say it a million times over. I would endure this most horrific heartache over-and-over agin because knowing you and loving you was SO worth it.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

(1 month old - 9/16/08: Our first picture of you after your successful extubation. Doctors from all over the unit stopped by to see the baby that no one thought would make through the first night)

Dearest Kennedy,

I can't believe I have had to endure one month on this earth without you! I knew that this day was inevitable, however, knowing that you were never going to live a full long life still hasn't made loosing you any easier. My arms long for your warm body, my ears search for the sound of your voice, my nose yearns for the smell of your breath, my eyes continuously scan for the sight of your beautiful blue eyes, perfect button nose, long curly shiney red locks, and rose red lips and my heart aches. I miss you more than most will ever understand.

The thought that your absence on this earth is permanent is a hard concept to wrap my mind around. However, I am very comforted in the simple fact that I was able to immerse myself in your presence for almost two and a half years. I was given the best gift when god blessed me with the most perfect baby girl.

We all miss you so much. There is not a day that passes that your name is not spoken or a one of your pictures doesn't catch my eye. Daddy has been keeping busy getting your brothers room all ready for his grand entrance on May 2, 2011. I know you will be there front and center with the best seat in the house.

I got Grammy a gift from you. It is a hand painted personalized wood plaque which reads, "I wouldn't be so spoiled if someone would just spank Grammy". She loves it! As you know better then anyone - I hate change. But as with anything, I am learning to adapt. I yearn for the day when we reunite, but until then I will continue to remember you by sharing your story - to anyone and everyone that will listen (and even to the ones that won't LOL). I am the women I am today because of you Kennedy and for that I am eternally grateful.

I love to write (blog), however, I have atrocious spelling capabilities, I frequently use words out of context and apparently I never learned anything about punctuation in school. Lets just put it this way, if my English teacher were to ever stumble across any of my blogs they would probably be appalled.
On another note, I am one lucky girl!! I found my diamond in the rough whom I married in 2007 and we have been blessed with two amazing children - our guardian angel Kennedy Mae (8/13/08 - 1/8/11) and Collin Rocco (5/2/11).