do you have cheeken?

Hola Peeple of the World!

Eet is I! Fred! (Or as you say in your country, Fred!) My girl (her's name ees Jeel) ees no good for the writing thees days so I am here on the blogger to tell you about my advaintures. For I have them many and they will to interest you very much I theenk.

So anyway. Do you know about thees thing called the bath? Eet is horrible. Eet no make my tail to wag. Eet is unpredictable like the cheeken, but in the no bueno way.

Eet is so bad I am having the difficulty to write about it.* Entiendo? But I must purge. Like the Romans. Eet is the only way and the reason I eat the grass. (I like the grass very much. Do you like the grass? Tell me.)

So anyway, one day I am asleeping on the beeg bed, dreaming of my luffer Dante and how him and me chase our balls. How we run and run and run to the bedroom and then to the leaving room and then to the bedroom and then to the leaving room and how him bites at me's balls and me bites at him's balls and how we bark and then we sleep. I am dreaming thees wonderful dream and then I am waked up! I am taked to the place weeth the water! Oh, how I hate the water and eets wetness! And my girl she puts the water on me and makes eet to go all over my body! And eet is mas terrible! (Eet ees terrible for anyway, but more because I theenk she love me and yet...thees. Am I fool?, I theenk.)

And then for worse, she rubs my body with the wetness! There ees much rubbing of all my places. And I no like. For normal, I like the rubbing. But the wetness makes me to forget. The wetness makes me to forget everything! I forget my luffer! I forget hims balls! I forget the cheeken, even! ...

...

...

Noooo! I tells you joke! You are fooled! I can never to forget the cheeken! Seely blogger person.

Anyway.

...

Oh, but me's dignity! Me's pride! Ees forgot. I am shames to tells you, but I shake. With muy fuerte, I shake. Like the time I come face to face with my nemesis, the fearsome Baloo. Him ees cat. But him ees not normal cat. Him ees ninja cat. (I save that story for another day.) But like that, I shake.

Then there ees a beeg rubbing weeth the towel. This ees not so bad. And then in a sudden... I am free! I am free! And I run!

And I rub my belly on the carpet!

And I run!

And I rub my back on the couch!

And I hear "NO FRED!" But I am no care!

I run!

And I make the beeg leap onto the beeg bed and I rub!

I am an ecstasy of the rubbing!

And I hear "FRED, NO!!"

But I am steel no care! For I am free! And the wetness, eet is destroyed!

So anyway. That ees all.

Hasta luego!

* Also because I have only the paws and no thumbs. You no appreciate your thumbs enough. Try to blogger weethout them. Just to try.