Jordan Sargent

New Year's Eve: if it's not impossible to find something fun to do, it always feels like something more fun is going on somewhere else. Like — to pick a name out of thin air here — the Applebee's in Times Square, where you can attend a NYE bash this year for the low, low price of... $375!

So, what does that $375 buy you besides one random fucking story? Well for one there is a buffet, of course, featuring all of Applebee's signature items, such as Things Inside of a Potato. There is also a "premium" open bar — Blue Moon?? — a DJ, a dance floor (good thing!), and party favors (food poisoning). Your move, Guy's American Kitchen & Bar. Actually, you know what, forget I mentioned that.

Also, seeing as this is a party in Times Square, franchise owner Zane Tankel notes that patrons will be able to exit the restaurant at midnight in order to watch the ball drop. In other words, you're paying $375 for the privilege of leaving an Applebee's.