Missile Defense Agency staff kindly asked to stop watching porn

Staff at Pentagon’s Missile Defense Agency seem to have too much time on their hands. This is hardly surprising as their job basically involves sitting around and coming up with new reasons for the agency’s existence.

Porn surfing has apparently become such a concern that Missile Defense Agency Executive Director John James Jr. warned employees and contractors against engaging in inappropriate use of the MDA network.

“These actions are not only unprofessional, they reflect time taken away from designated duties, are in clear violation of federal and DoD and regulations, consume network resources and can compromise the security of the network though the introduction of malware or malicious code,” he wrote.

Also, as we all know, those who indulge in too much porn could go blind and eyesight sort of comes in handy when you are trying to keep track of MIRVs reentering the atmosphere. Of course, the agency has yet to come up with a viable way of intercepting warheads, so it really doesn’t matter if staffers chose to watch porn instead of radar screens – in case of an attack they wouldn’t be around to explain themselves anyway.

A government cybersecurity specialist told Bloomberg that foreign intelligence services, such as Russia’s, use porn sites to gain access and harvest data from government and corporate networks. So it appears that Russian intelligence is employing lesbians and coeds in place of Soviet-era nuclear spies like Klaus Fuchs and the Rosenbergs.