Breakups
Hurt Children, Too! More than a million children a year have
to experience their parents' divorce. They may not say it or express it but
they do get deeply affected by this. breakups, parental separating and divorce
can hurt children more than the separating parents. For kids it can be a
deep-rooted and life long agony, which might take any turn of negative impact
on the personality or take on life and relationships, especially romantic
relationships. While many kids suffer from these problems all their life,
most of them keep suffering their pain for too long into their own lives.
After the parents separate and the kids have
to live with one of them, they feel deprived and abandoned. Many of these
kids grow up to be individuals with low self-esteem and a reserved view of
relationships. Even if the parent who does not get the custody of the children
may continue to see them, the things may get better but not alight. The kids
may still feel the void that can only be fulfilled by parents living together.
Given below are few of the most common problems
that kids with broken family experience in their life: 1. Children have difficulty in having a normal
relationship with either of their parents both the one that has custody and
the one who comes only as a visitor. 2. As adults, they face problems in developing
relationships. They have difficulty in dating and as a result they have fewer
daters and unhappiness with dating partners. 3. When they grow up to marry, they often have
less happy marital life and more affinity towards marital problems and divorces.
4. They have less social integration and smaller
networks of friends and kin. Therefore, they have less community attachment.
5. They have poor psychological well-being and
get easily stressed. Also, they have low self-esteem and are less satisfied
with
life.

Divorce and parental separation is not always a bad
phase for kids in all the cases. It is better than living in the house where
there is no peace of mind because of parental discord. When the children see their parents fighting
over them (child custody, visitation, child support), they may end up feeling
responsible for the breakup and have that guilt gnawing them all their life.
Many parents after separation and getting their
child's custody go overboard by pampering the child a little too much. This
may only turn the child into a spoilt brat who sees problems as a foundation
for greater happiness. Therefore, rather than finding solutions to problems,
he/ she may contribute to aggravating them. Things may get more complicated if the parents
re-marry. The children find it difficult to cope with the new spouses of
their parents and more so with the stepsiblings. It leaves a sour feeling
amongst the members of the new family. The divided attention of parents towards
the "new family members" elevates the feelings of abandonment and alienation
that is fostered by their parents' breaking
up.