Surviving Workplace Mobbing: Identify the Stages

For targets of workplacebullying who suffer severe psychological and social pressure, there are many resources and trained professionals to help them. But for targets of workplace mobbing, which is a form of group bullying that can have even greater impacts on one’s psychological well-being and career, there are far fewer resources. Moreover, few mental health professionals are trained to recognize mobbing, much less adress its impacts.

As someone who receives phone calls and emails from mobbing targets on a regular basis, and having survived a particularly egregious case of workplace mobbing, I have come to see that how a mobbing target heals and recovers from mobbing varies, depending on the psychological stage of grief they are in when they seek help.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross famously demonstrated that grief is a profound and patterned state of psychological stress and depression associated with the loss of a loved one. Not everyone who is grieving experiences all of the stages or even the same sequence of stages, yet the patterned emotional responses to death and loss are common to most humans.

When applied to mobbing, where loss of one’s reputation, professional identity, job, economic base and career are put at risk, these stages may be meaningless in the early phases of collective aggression. Indeed, in the early stages of collective aggression, targets are often unaware that others are gossiping about them, or that leadership has marked them for elimination. To the extent they are aware a mob is forming, they often dismiss the red flags that indicate group aggression is gaining momentum and that the target’s elimination from the workplace is inevitable.

By the time a worker realizes that they are being targeted by an ever-growing group of hostile coworkers and managers, saving their job may be too late. But identifying where they are at emotionally in their response to the mobbing, may help them gain control of their emotional responses—and hence their career. In what follows, I discuss these stages of grief and consider how they apply to mobbing.

Denial The first stage of grief is denial and for mobbing targets, this important stage is critical. The signs a mob is forming include any action on the part of management to formally criticize, investigate, warn, suspend, terminate or report a worker for wrongdoing. It may take the form of a harsh evaluation, a verbal rebuke, or a formal charge of misconduct. When this happens, the worker is wise to both recognize the potential damage that will come from such an action, and to respond as non-aggressively and discretely as possible. This latter action may be counter-intuitive for some workers who respond to such professional threats proactively, particularly if the managerial actions are unjust and retaliatory. But the worker who responds swiftly and assertively to managerial abuses is very often the worker who is swiftly and assertively mobbed.

An organizational leadership that is prone to mobbing will not waste any time alerting the workforce that the worker they want out is a trouble maker, “with a long history of issues/problems/complaints/what-have-yous” who will be better off in another job. When this happens, even workers with stellar reputations and work records quickly find their identities and work histories revised as management discretely shares their concerns about the worker to the worker’s coworkers, suggesting that opportunities for advancement or improved working conditions may ensue once the “difficult employee” is gone. To limit this aggression, do not discuss managerial abuses with coworkers or others associated with the workplace, and keep any formal responses brief, factual, and non-threatening.

Another way that denial manifests itself is for the worker to become emotionally numb if not shocked. This response is particularly likely the more harsh and flagrant the managerial action. This response can be especially debilitating, preventing the worker from focusing, and often plunging the worker into a state of deep depression. Unfortunately, this response, while normal, can further erode the worker’s standing because they are not performing to their best ability, and their anguish and stress are often visible to coworkers, creating the appearance that the worker is not up to par, if not mentally ill. If you find yourself in a state of shock or numbness, get help from a mental health professional quickly so that you can withstand the intensifying aggression to come—because it will.

Anger It’s completely natural to become angry when people treat us unfairly, and it’s understandable that humans become enraged when their survival is threatened—which is what happens when someone’s job and career are at stake. But this is precisely the stage that a mobbing manager most delights in, because this is the point where workers, who feel powerless in the face of managerial attacks, look crazy, if not dangerous. The angry worker is a scary worker, and coworkers will avoid them. Gossip will shift from what management has done to the worker, to what the worker might do to them.

Any threats of revenge, retaliation, or even a threat to see a lawyer and seek justice, can quickly be viewed as threats of violence once gossiping tongues start wagging. There is also a legal reason an abusive organizational leadership might provoke a worker toward this stage. If the worker has a potentially legitimate claim of retaliation for filing a grievance related to a protected status or action, such as discrimination, sexual harassment or whistle-blowing, it is illegal for management to retaliate. But it is legal for management to terminate the employee for any action that constitutes legitimate grounds for termination—such as making threats to the workplace. Even language as benign as saying you’ll get back at them for what they’ve done, that they’ll be sorry they messed with you, or you wish the sons-of-bitches dead, will be construed as threats. I have reviewed many cases where just the look on the worker’s face or their body posture was reported to management as “scary,” “intimidating,” or “threatening,” when they were going through the anger phase of mobbing.

Bargaining When it comes to death and dying, we often try to bargain with God, knowing the odds are usually stacked against us. But when it comes to mobbing, we are often confident that we can reason with our employers. This is a mistake, and one that often provides abusive employers with key information about a worker’s legal strategy, personal desires, and weaknesses that are then used against the worker. If bargaining follows the stage of anger, it is almost always futile, or provides the worker little compensation for the wrongs they’ve suffered, such as a paltry severance package and lukewarm references that make it clear to future employers the worker was unwanted.

If management has made a public renunciation of a worker and done nothing to intervene to stop gossip and workplace abuse against a worker, they will be deaf to reason. Cognitive dissonance will have kicked in and no matter what evidence is presented to the employer to demonstrate how unjust, if not illegal, the employer’s actions or unfounded their perceptions, nothing will persuade them to negotiate fairly. The more evidence that is presented that they are in the wrong, the more they will be determined to prevail. The more desperate they see the worker is to end the aggression and move on, the more confident they will be that they are winning. And the more aggressively the mob is becoming in fueling a hostile work environment, the more certain management will be that the worker is deserving of the treatment.

Bargain at an early stage, or don’t bargain at all, unless you are willing to take whatever crumbs are tossed your way (which may be the best option, as I will discuss in a future essay). If you aren’t willing to settle for crumbs, and didn’t bargain early enough, hold off on the bargaining until you are either out of the workplace (but have retained your legal rights), or have fallen quiet and played dead long enough for the tide of aggression to subside.

Depression The depression associated with mobbing can be debilitating, and it can hit while still on the job, and commonly, becomes profound after job loss. Severe depression is particularly likely if the shunning associated with mobbing has extended to one’s broader social or professional network. In addition to mental health treatment, there are a number of coping strategies that can help prevent the acute depression associated with mobbing from turning into chronic and serious depression. Exercise, comedy, community service, travel, and cognitive therapies are all excellent for alleviating acute depression, which in time can mitigate or prevent chronic depression. Broadening one’s support group outside the workplace is also invaluable in helping to overcome the depression mobbing targets inevitably suffer.

Acceptance The final stage of grief, acceptance, may be the most difficult to achieve for the mobbing target who has suffered profound injustice and/or professional, social and economic loss. Yet it is the first stage to true healing, and thus the most important. The earlier one reaches the stage of acceptance and removes themselves from proximity to the mob, the faster and greater the recovery both psychologically and professionally.

By reflecting on these stages of grief, both mobbing targets and their coworkers can gain insights into what is going on and respond accordingly. To coworkers, if a worker who is being targeted by management for elimination acts strangely or appears mentally unstable, consider these stages and how their behaviors might appear strange, but are actually normal responses to abnormal stressors, and they are temporary.

To the mobbing target, first identify the stage you are in, and then know that this stage will pass. The external situation may remain adverse, and in most cases, will even worsen in many respects. But the emotional state you are in is temporary, and psychological recovery is possible regardless of the material losses.

For those who find themselves stuck in a stage, however, recovery may be distant. The most common stages where the mobbing target freezes are anger and depression. There is every reason to be furious if you have been mobbed, and every reason to be profoundly depressed if you have lost your job and not found a comparable new one, and especially if you have been shunned. But no matter how justified your emotional responses, always remember that you cannot heal until you address the stage that you are in, and reach the state of acceptance which allows you to transcend the painful past and restore your mental and emotional health.

It’s not easy, it’s not fair, and it’s not fast. But for all who say that bullying and mobbing destroy a person, I answer, only if you let it. Don’t let yourself be destroyed. Let yourself be healed so that you can give to the world your own unique gifts, skills, and personality. To give into the rage or the depression, is to join the mob against you. Don’t treat yourself in the same way the mob has treated you. Heal yourself. Only then will you begin to get your life back, and it may well be a far richer and more rewarding life than you ever knew before.

As a woman, I was mobbed out of my career in an industry in which men hold 95% of the senior positions. It was a terrifying period in my life, and it has taken me years to recover (I had to change careers). Importantly, women need to identify mobbing while it is happening to them (I was not aware of the word "mobbing", or what it meant, until long after I was out of the job). Mobbing is a scourge on our society, and victims need to fight back. Keep up the good work.

Mobbing is employer-facilitated harassment. Your article describes my experience. Besides being shunned by a few people, I was not aware of a mob of haters forming until I was informed by someone in management that I was disliked. I performed excellently and was pleasant from day one. I was told by one of the managers that one of the mobbers was threatened by my presence. Turns out someone in management was too and this person in management gave all the favorites the go to shun me, refuse to cooperate with me, hide things I needed to get my job done, withhold training from me so that I'd have to struggle and beg for info, get loud and nasty with me. Going to HR just made matters worse and they gave me their own little jabs of nastiness while defending management. I don't think they even investigated. If they did, none of my coworkers made mention to me of it.

This is becoming common practice in workplaces. Something needs to be done legally. Good people's reputations are being significantly impaired and their economic situations endangered. For no reason other than they were not "liked" by someone. Not because they did something wrong or are bad characters. This mobbing is not in our best interest as a society.

I'm sorry to hear you had to go through a mobbing. You are right that good people are having their reputations and finances impaired for no better reason than someone didn't like them. Hopefully raising awareness will, if not stop the mobbing, at least better prepare targets for what's up ahead and how to limit the damage. Laws, unfortunately, are never the magic cure. That is not to say that we don't need them--there is certainly room for better legal remedies for mobbing targets--but mobbing so often happens as a consequence of workers pursuing their legal rights (such as reporting discriminatory practices, misconduct, ethical breaches or sexual harassment). Ironically, reporting mobbing can lead to even more mobbing, and trying to seek justice in the courts can invite profound injustice. Let's hope that changes as more people understand what mobbing is and why and how it transpires.

Until then, thank you for sharing your story and I do hope the mobbing has stopped or you have gotten away from it.

I cannot believe I found a recognised behaviour that was like stepping into my life.

I am a Paramedic with 18+ years experience and I recently resigned through the desperation to save myself believing I was the problem.

Now I know I am not the problem and I have evidence going back to 2009, which is the trigger point discussed in the study. I am going to pursue legal representation for this direct, deliberate action. It is new, it will be difficult but if we can start somewhere it is a beginning. The time for accountability now needs to shift to the direct source. I am not a victim in any way, that removes my power. I am determined to see change and protect all who follow in a role that takes a unique character.

I'm so sorry to hear you had to leave your job; it is often the only healthy choice, though it comes at a huge cost. I recently released a new ebook which may be helpful to you. It's called "Mobbed! A Survival Guide to Adult Bullying and Mobbing," and is available here: http://www.amazon.com/Mobbed-Survival-Bullying-Mobbing-ebook/dp/B00ERMBY84/ref=sr_1_1?ie=U...
In it, I include several strategies for coping with the emotional flooding, anger and pain, and I'll be releasing another on recovery soon. In the meantime, be good to yourself and seek laughter wherever and whenever you can find it.

What happened and the last few months have been scary, sad and had me in so much emotional turmoil that from the morning I called to say I am resigning four months ago, my healing process began. Very hard to describe. I am aware of the grieving process and had said often it was like the death and divorce of a relationship. It does not get repaired when only one person wants it. The night I accepted all that was going on and they had very serious consequences to my and others safety, Duty of Care, there was no other choice.

Yes things are very hard at the moment and financially this can destroy me and I have no direction for my future at the moment. I am gathering an army of supporters, I am reconnecting with friends, I am loving walking my dogs, eating, sleeping better. I have lost 12 kilos in four months because I made a good decision to let it go. I am the happiest I have been in many years.

So to those who feel that there is no hope, let it go and life will take you in the direction you need to. Trust yourself. Give the power of your life to the safest hands known to you. YOURS!

Trauma describes my experience of a workplace mobbing. It has taken 18 months to arrive at the acceptance stage. What is particularly tough is that it was by the team of human resources women that I managed. The ringleader knew how to exact this plan; she was disgruntled that she did not have my job and pegged me from the first day I came in as an external hire. Her mission was to rally her coworkers against. She spun masterful lies a masterfully manipulated my wimpy boss. She knew employment law and what investigations entail. With planning and precision, she set up a number of circumstances that ultimately led to my employment end.

The toll has been great. But I am finally coming out of the darkness. So I encourage others, just as this article did for me, not to let these devastating inequities drain life away. Resist temptation to self blame or self punish or to get stuck in the anger. Your worth is still precious, even if it feels that others have shredded your integrity and very human fiber.

Trauma describes my experience of a workplace mobbing. It has taken 18 months to arrive at the acceptance stage. What is particularly tough is that mobbing was conducted by the team of human resources women that I managed. The ringleader knew how to exact this plan; she was disgruntled that she did not have my job and pegged me from the first day I came in as an external hire. Her mission was to rally her coworkers against. She spun masterful lies a masterfully manipulated my wimpy boss. She knew employment law and what investigations entail. With planning and precision, she set up a number of circumstances that ultimately led to my employment end.

The toll has been great. But I am finally coming out of the darkness. So I encourage others, just as this article did for me, not to let these devastating inequities drain life away. Resist temptation to self blame or self punish or to get stuck in the anger. Your worth is still precious, even if it feels that others have shredded your integrity and very human fiber.

Trauma does indeed describe what mobbing does to a person, and self-blame is a form of joining the mob by turning the target's anger inward. I'm so sorry you've had to endure the trauma of a mobbing, but it sounds like you have retained your dignity and determination and over time will recover, slowly but steadily. Life is far too short to give in to the destiny the mob charts for us; far better to erase them from our hearts and minds and move toward something fresh and meaningful in our lives and world. I wish the very best for you, as you recover one day at a time.

Janice Harper recently wrote an excellent book about mobbing. (She should pay me for all the good reviews I give her book. lol. Just kidding). It is an eBook, but you can read it on a computer or laptop too.

Thank you for your kind words, Dr. Cole. When I was being mobbed, I couldn't find any resources that effectively captured the surreal experience of mobbing so I wrote the book as my small contribution to making sense of the senseless. Hopefully it will be of help to others going through it, or trying to rebuild their lives in the aftermath of mob cruelty.

I am pleased to find people sharing their stories of mobbing and thank you for you guidance Dr Cole. I am currently the victim of workplace mobbing and hoped that you might be in a position to sign the petition to stop it. The account of the mobbing provided only scratches the surface of the trauma I've been experiencing.

Gosh not quite sure how I found you, but I now realised I have been mobbed!
It started with a new management, whom I now believe felt threatened by experience.
They undermined my performance giving me more and more things to do in more and more difficult situations. Some how I got through that only to be told that nobody wanted to work with me. The whole stressful experience I had been through had put me so much on edge, I worked so hard to everything they wanted. Management had gone behind my back gathered a list of concerns about my behaviour which had all been twisted to put me in a bad light when I had done good. Then people started thinking that there was something wrong with me. HR said I was paranoid. The union said I would be dismissed if I took it any further. So I left.
I am now unemployed and totally scared to apply for another job.

Two years ago I found a job that I thought it was going to be my life job. After 6 months, was told by manager my knowledge is on low level and should be improved. As more pressure was put on my dept was told by manager I sucks. It stopped for a while and he gave up on saying me I am not a right person to do my job. After one year and six months I get a raise and my performance was described as excellent by upper management. As more project comes, one of coworkers start acting like my manager towards me. Now he reporting everything what I do wrong or not in right way to my manager. The worst is he yells and tells nasty things in front of others workers like "I should not be doing this job, I am not right person, my knowledge level is a way below his and many others that in my words sounds "pleasant" but in real they are not. I have achievements in my previous job and always had the highest score or what I do. This is complicated story and now thinking about quitting because I see myself starting be in depression level. I am scared to touch anything, not sleeping at night, all the time thinking about me and my skills. I never experienced this before in my previous work places. What should I do? I have family and have to financially support them. Looks like my life collapsed and what it looks at first time to be a perfect job place now is a nightmare for me. What would you advice for me? Thank you.

I agree with Dr. Cole's comments; my only reservation is that even if you are kind and respectful to your colleagues, which you absolutely should be, mobbing can still happen once administration starts poisoning your reputation. If you haven't already read it, I encourage you to get my Kindle ebook, Mobbed!, available on Amazon (if you don't have a Kindle, you can download a free Kindle app on Amazon). In it I provide a number of suggestions for how to protect yourself professionally. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to stay safe and sane, but the sooner you can find new work in a better environment, the better off you'll be. Until then, protect yourself as best you can.

John Van's question was sent to me for comment by Psychology Today. This sounds a typical story of bullying. In general I believe it is not worth your health to stay in a job like this. I would stay very friendly with your managers while I was applying and searching for a new job. You need a good reference, so keep on the good side of managers till you have left the job. Also I would try hard to stay on good terms with my other colleagues even if they disappoint you by being disloyal. It will be difficult for mass bullying (mobbing) to occur if you remain friendly with your colleagues (till you have left). Once you are in a happy job I believe you will see that this job is a horrible place and that you were correct to leave. Disclaimer: I have retired from Medicine and am now studying Law at Macquarie University; you must make your own decisions and take professional advice if needed. www.westmeadhospitalwhistleblowers.com

Thank you for your astute comments, Dr. Cole. I'm aware of your case as a whistleblower for neonatal health care, and applaud your choice to pursue a legal career. Whether you end up going into health law or employment law, society will be well served by your contributions.

I agree; the Author is off base with the "only if you let it" caveat. Mobbing is destructive on a very real level for those who work because they must have INCOME. If an individual is threatened continuously at their workplace(verbally, psychologically, or physically, etc), financial & personal recovery can seem impossible, due to lost income & loss of precious time while fending off a constant assault.

This author is talking out of her reer.

Sometimes a 'victim' is actually a VICTIM! E.g., if a person is physically assaulted, or robbed - they should not be blamed; or told they are not to 'succumb to/enable' their own victimization. How toxic is this AUTHOR?? Persons who are besieged by mobbing need help to escape a toxic workplace, (help is difficult to find in our Economy.) Victims of mobbing need help to recoup from emotional, psychological, and financial damages.

Mobbing cost me my job, career, friends, reputation, pension, life savings, home, and earning capacity. I get it. But if there's anything it taught me it is that I will not spend my life being disempowered by my past. Calling me "toxic" and "talking out of her rear" for suggesting an alternative path is the very abuse that those who mob engage in--name calling, distorting what someone says, and insulting. If you truly have an interest in how to recover the emotional and psychological and financial damages from mobbing, I suggest you read my book, which has chapters on how to protect yourself emotionally, socially and professionally. No one chooses to be a target, but we do choose whether or not to be a victim.

In my case, I suffered a head injury (which I didn't recall for two years) and started getting daily migraines and lost my memory and was (am) cognitively impaired. We thought it was stress. I had to be taken off work (a well-liked professional with 15 years of experience and committed to my job where I didn't take sick time and enjoyed my work). Within weeks, the HR Disability Harassment program began - demanding notes via unclear phone calls, job threats, etc almost all of it was verbal/phone - over 50 times in the first two months I was off. I made a harassment complaint that wasn't investigated and was dismissed when the accused denied it (the mobbing trigger point). The accused had almost exclusive control over what happened from that point - while dealing with no memory, confusion, and declining health but trying to recover to return to work, I faced terrible circumstances over a number of years due to their bi-weekly interference with others, being not allowed to return to work (for no reason) and losing my income, career and reputation, we gained all the files through access to information requests. The files clearly showed the phone calls and the e-mails where outright and subtle instigation of mobbing (negative influence) had taken place between everyone involved - but the ringleader was the Disability Management personnel in HR at my workplace who made negative contact with others every second week, and extended to the union reps, my superiors, benefits providers and health care workers. The private communications were shocking. I am still trying to get over it as it is hard to believe, especially as it was done while I was unable to defend myself. I wish someone would identify the relationship between Disability Management programs and Harassment/Mobbing - I believe they are linked.

It's been over two years since I was terminated, but the fallout from it has been huge. I was employed at a healthcare assisted living facility until 2011, and while I thought things would work out , I could not have been more wrong.
As an LPN over 30 years I was aware of personality conflicts within a workplace, but it had never affected me directly until I began working there. I enjoyed working with the residents, and although the culture was diverse ( I being the sole middle aged white guy among a female multi cultural predominantly Asian staff) I did my best to assimilate and join in with workplace functions. There were some disagreements and I received constructive criticism at times but I felt all was part of being a employee there.
Eventually, there was one female employee that seemed to consistently have complaints about my work whenever I managed her unit on weekends. Nothing that would be considered egregious but after a series of complaints largely over paperwork entry errors, or other complaints that were taken out of context. I soon received counseling verbal and otherwise from my supervisor. I did what I could to correct the situation, but no matter what it became worse. Once I found similar issues with said employee and brought it to my Supervisor in writing (As I was instructed to do) I was asked to resign. I declined and informed my supervisor that under the circumstances I would only leave if terminated, which she did.
What I found interesting that this woman and Supervisor were friends and although not related by blood, their culture is one that considers those within the same culture as relatives, In fact nepotism was replete within the facilty. Turns out that soon after I left, I became aware that I was replaced by the same female's husband.

I'm so sorry to hear that you had to endure such a situation. Your comment hits on a couple of important points. First, you are in a profession that has a particularly high rate of mobbing. Mobbing is highest in professions where there is little opportunity to find similar work--people do not willingly quit jobs in academia, the military, or the clergy (all mobbing-prone professions), because finding new work usually means relocating--which can mean selling the home, compelling a spouse to find new work, uprooting the kids. Mobbing becomes a way to force them out against their will. But in nursing and education, where job mobility is much easier (and thus, it's easier to quit a bad work environment), mobbing is still rampant.

My theory is that in these professions there are few opportunities for advancement, so that when someone does advance to a supervisory role, they do not want to lose their position--so they act swiftly and fiercely at the slightest sign of a threat, which can mean encouraging the workforce to dislike (and make reports against) the targeted worker.

In both these professions there is one other factor that makes them mobbing-prone. They are predominantly a single gender, with males not only a minority, but a rapidly increasing minority. This leaves males especially vulnerable to mobbing because they are both different, and representative of change as their numbers increase--thereby being perceived as "a threat" to the status quo in the same way women are perceived when they begin increasing in numbers in male-dominated organizations.

Sadly, you were a male in a female-dominated work environment with an organizational culture prone to mobbing and, from what you write, someone with an ulterior motive (job for husband) in a position of influence. I do hope you find something soon, and I well know how great the fallout can be, especially to people who are mobbed and lose their job in late-career. If you're still tormented by anguish and anger, I suggest a number of techniques for coping in my ebook, Mobbed! A Survival Guide to Adult Bullying and Mobbing. Best of luck to you in your future, and know you're not alone.

Yes I left them last Friday and I can't quite describe what I really feel yet. I don;t know what I feel. There is a little bit of grief that I am not sure I should allow myself to experience, as I am afraid I will be swept by it and won't be able to pick myself up. Or is it grief and something else? Sometimes I feel numb. Sometimes I question if I ever really went through that nightmare?
One thing for sure: I am frankly very confused and lost. I question what was true what false. Was it my fault or not. Did I rally deserve it to be that humiliated and picked on? I poured my heart and soul into that company. I really cared. What went wrong? Was I able to stand up for myself? well I tried but that made things even worse.
I am on Wellbutrin right now. I never told my doctor about that abuse I have experienced at work because I was too ashamed of it. but definitely he saved my life with it, because I was "there at the edge."
I guess my question is how to wrap up my head around what I have experienced... because I can't! I don't understand myself and people anymore. where do I go from here? It's one thing to leave abusive situation, and another to go on...
Any advice, please?
Thank you!
p.s I have no health insurance as of now, so seeing a professional is out of my financial range.

I'm so sorry to hear you were mobbed and I hope you are able to recover and rebuild your life soon. It is common to experience grief in the wake of mobbing, and my experience has been that targets typically progress through the stages that Kubler-Ross outlined--shock/denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance. It sounds as if you may be in the depression stage, which is common in the aftermath of unemployment.

I've written an ebook that is available on Amazon, "Mobbed! A Survival Guide to Adult Bullying and Mobbing." It is a Kindle book, but if you don't have a Kindle you can download a free app on Amazon that will enable you to read any Kindle title on your computer or iPad.

The book has three chapters on how to protect yourself emotionally, socially and professionally, and I'm sure you'll find many tips useful. In addition, I explore in depth the question of "why," and how you can better understand the cruelty you were subjected to.

Finally, although you no doubt played a role in the conflict, however unintended (because that is the nature of social conflict), the bottom line is: you did not deserve to be humiliated and treated so badly. Mobbing always becomes far crueler than necessary and almost always turns a resolvable conflict into an unresolvable assassination fraught with lies and self-righteous cruelties. You neither deserved it, nor invited it. Be gentle with yourself and you'll start the slow recovery day by day.

To have found this site has been because you did what I did a year ago, googling. Its an emotional roller coaster and I one year on am still dealing with the loss and ramifications of deciding to leave. Very few people know of mobbing and yet it is rife. The Health system is a festering cavity of delinquency within management to meet their obligations of employee welfare. I will suggest this as I think its the lack of correct information and those you believe will and have the capacity to assist you may fail. See your GP and request a Mental Health Plan. This will give you 10 visits for a Psychologist. Then ring some and confirm if they charge a gap. Many do not. But dont just accept at first visit if you do not feel they are the right one for you. I saw someone for 12 mths thinking it was helping. I then got another Health Plan and sought a different Psychologist and in the 8 visits, my thinking has changed dramatically. They have given me so much help. They wont give you advise but challenge your thinking which is the only thing you can control. Grief is a very individual journey at times although moments can be shared. You will survive but getting help from the right place is essential. A Mental Health Care Plan costs nothing, no health insurance needed. But it will give you tools and get you moving forward. This is the beginning for you, despair comes with starting the next stage, so dont believe it wont get better. It does if you get the help you need straight away. That is all you need to focus on for healing. Best of luck.

I've been dealing with a mobbing situation at work for the past 3 years. It started when I moved into a 'coveted' area of the organization that I have worked for for many years. I have always worked hard, gotten along well and have had a good reputation. I think some people resented my coming into this 'coveted' area. A poison has been slowly spreading. I'm not even sure of why it happening and what people believe. I am shunned and get treatment that ranges from outright hostility to mild tolerance with avoidance. I am not being given the support I need to do my job. I think some people want me to quit. I'm trying to hang in for as long as I can but my confidence is suffering and I feel angry and depressed; I feel very ashamed. You wouldn't know it because I'm trying to not let them see that they are getting to me. I've been trying to ride it out; prove myself. I stay friendly and cheerful but on the inside I'm being worn down. I just can't believe this is happening. It's incredible how people that I know consider themselves as good people can do this.

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this right now; your description certainly sounds like mobbing, if not full fledged, at least it's simmering. I've written a book, available on Amazon, called "Mobbed! A Survival Guide to Adult Bullying and Mobbing," which may have some helpful suggestions. In addition to describing mobbing and explaining how and why it transpires, I have three chapters on how to protect yourself emotionally, socially and professionally. You can find it here: http://www.amazon.com/Mobbed-Survival-Guide-Bullying-Mobbing-ebook/dp/B00ERMBY84/ref=sr_1_.... It's an ebook, but if you don't have a Kindle, you can download a free reading app available on A'zon. And in the meantime, start looking for a new job, however much you might want to stay, and seek humor wherever you can find it. Once your out of there, you'll start regaining your confidence and spirit. Let me know how it goes.

I was job mobbed. Was group stalked by coworkers and unknown people after I resigned. It lasted years. I believe Society is canabalizing itself. This is why systems philosophy is a failure. Small groupof megagiant CEO s of few largesse systems and the ability of workers to take control over their own livelihoods is being devastated. Workers depend on the few largesse corporate trough. And they have to terrorize each other like turkeys in order to keep a job. It's a shame America used to be nice to live in.

I was job mobbed. Was group stalked by coworkers and unknown people after I resigned. It lasted years. I believe Society is canabalizing itself. This is why systems philosophy is a failure. Small groupof megagiant CEO s of few largesse systems and the ability of workers to take control over their own livelihoods is being devastated. Workers depend on the few largesse corporate trough. And they have to terrorize each other like turkeys in order to keep a job. It's a shame America used to be nice to live in.

It has now been 1 week since I left my job of 21 years. It was always a dysfunctional company - dry alcoholic father is president, dry alcoholic son is vice president, and enabling mom is administrator - get the picture? I'm not exactly sure where the cute, little HR director comes in, but she is in there somewhere and supporting all of their paranoid thoughts. The company atmosphere would always cycle before and there were enough good periods that they outweighed the bad periods. In 2010, the president let go two people; 1)the company attorney (who was also his childhood best friend) and 2) his long-time partner. After that, there was no trust in anyone. I believe I became a target simply because I was there the longest. I already have some great opportunities offered to me, job wise, in something I've wanted to do for a long time. I know I will be fine.I am exercising regularly and have a great support system (although my family relationships have certainly suffered in the last 4 years).

I cannot get over how sad I feel. And - I almost feel like I was physically "beat up", even though I wasn't. I knew I was exhausted, but I thought after a week of not working, I would have my energy level back up. All I want to do today is drink coffee, sit on my porch, and "feel safe". Does this sound normal?

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, but to answer your question, yes, it is completely normal. You're grieving the loss of your job, and with it, friends, coworkers and your professional identity, and your sadness is a recognition of that loss.

Fortunately, you have an optimistic outlook, job prospects at hand, and most of all, a good support system. You will indeed get through these rough days. Let yourself be sad, but set a deadline of two days, a week, whatever. That doesn't mean you won't still be sad beyond the "deadline," but give yourself a goal of when you will take the first steps back into the world. That might be something as simple as immersing yourself in comedy, the outdoors, an adventure, a vacation (even a mini-one of a day). The important thing is to recognize that you do have power over your own happiness and future, whatever its limitations, and however different that future might be from your past. And above all, seek laughter, wherever and whenever you find it.

I was severely mobbed and then stagnated in confusion and despair for a couple years. I then went through a couple of therapists where I learned what had happened, and then the dynamics of mobbing - becoming a virtual expert on the subject, but got stuck on intellectualizing things. It wasn’t until I found one who was good at persuading me to baby-step myself into situations to make real progress getting back into the world. It was her hidden (real?) intent that finished the job - those situations got me to re-learn that there are many good and decent people out there, and that I can pick and choose associations at will.

I was particularly interested to hear that mobbing is more common in certain industries. My mobbing experience was very similar to what you and others described here, but it was in the mental health field. Much of the same factors were present, including several younger, less experienced employees that I was told were "threatened" by me. Some of these employees actually acted like middle school girls, snubbing me and making fun of me in various ways and suggesting I was after my male supervisor. But worse was that my supervisor fed into it. It almost seemed like he was flattered that people were talking about us. It was disgusting and I could not be in the room alone with him again. I moved out of his area only for him to begin an almost two-year "get-even" campaign. When I complained to my new supervisor and even her supervisor each time, in writing, they told me that I was just taking things "personally." My supervisor, a nice enough woman, made the mistake of recommending medication to me, saying "You know you are the only one here not on one, right?" Next, several other coworkers mentioned medication to me, because I began complaining more and more. In the end, I was not forced to leave, but I felt that for my own mental health I should. I have been gone for 22 days, and already my physical and mental health is beginning to turn around. I stayed longer than I should have... but I thought that I was strong enough to handle it. In the end, I was strong enough to leave and that was even better for me and my family.

Thank you for your response! I have found two other wonderful workplaces which I love and am much more comfortable in. I went to work for a private practice and am doing consulting work for a foster care company part-time. I am even making more money! In the end, I found it very easy to find another job because of my past work in the community. It has been healing to learn that I have such a good reputation, which I guess I have had all along. I wish I would have realized this two years ago... but I guess I was distracted by the toxicity.

In larger organizations, competency alone was rarely ever a key towards success. One’s relationship with the powers that be was usually the determining factor. But competency beyond that of competing peers was a good way to help ensure ones longevity in a given position.

But because of the way the world and America has changed (the jobs situation), this is becoming less and less true. I think competency beyond that of competing peers is becoming a sure way to get oneself mobbed, if the powers that be are also “threatened” or can “be threatened” (thru innuendo) against/by that person.

This is because for every stellar performer there are always many mediocre ones. And mediocrity fears excellence in positions of power or respect, since excellence tends to encourage excellence and discourage mediocrity. Excellence without any backup from authority will always be vastly outnumbered, and outgunned.

This is less true in smaller organizations, where the successful boss usually personally knows (and protects) those who will benefit them financially.

When I finally knew myself (my nature is to try my best to excel at everything I do), and knew the situation (the way corporate power works) I knew I couldn't go back. The odds were I’d either get bored to death ‘playing mediocre’, or despise myself playing ruthless, or get mobbed all over again being myself.

So I went into business for myself and sought out like-minded others to associate with. It is here where people (paying customers) appreciate excellence. The hours spent involved with work are exhausting, and I’m still quite angry about things, but my self-esteem has never been better.

What I still do not understand are a couple of things,
1. Why this type of work harassment is still not widely known or made visible?
2. Why arent psycholgists and Drs becoming involved in some way to highlight it.

Whilst the professionals are there to assist individuals, it will remain an individual problem and it is not that at all. The power some people have in organisations is based on self interest, not the false mission statements which simply play lip service to government policy. Therefore it is detrimental to the organisation or company as the toxicity within the work environment impedes productivity.
I get very frustrated that each of these stories are the lives of human beings who have been damaged. Many will probably thank the day they chose to leave but they still suffer and have to go through a grieving process before they can heal. Some may not. You cannot fix what is not acknowledged and while this remains a silent issue, the same people continue their vicious campaigns and nothing is improved.

Authority: I'd think for therapists there isn't much money in it. Large corporate employers and managers don’t care as this is how they ‘succeed’ in life - not necessarily mobbing, but survival politics in general.

Ignorance: All the dynamics are still not fully understood. Heck, most people don't even know what genetic temperament is. I’m still finding varying opinions from different experts (but I’m always happy to help fill in the gaps). For example, there may be only one shady instigator and the actual mobbing army is usually relatively small, but the enablers many. What causes enabling?

A strong voice: I’ve always thought people who’ve been mobbed need to group together, to build a power base. This is hard, as reputations may still be at stake and people are afraid to make things more public and worse. But there are sister behaviors, such as school bullying, spousal abuse, victimization by street gangs, whistleblowers, political refugees, etc... from which victims can ally together under a common theme.

Workplace mobbing is insidious.
I worked in an all female environment as a man, and the lessons I've learned regarding mobbing, have been extremely difficult, but very enlightening. There were no men in management, or in HR. There was a core group of coworkers who made it their mission to gossip incessantly about those they disliked, and to ultimately single out, and destroy the unlucky individual who they deemed a worthy candidate for their abuse. The years led me to finally choose a career that has a more balanced structure to it, and to develop myself in such a way, that would circumvent the obvious cards stacked against me.
For the short-term gains obtained by the abuser engaging in this behaviour (promotions, awards, etc.), the long-term results usually force the abusive personality to come face-to-face with the same type of behaviour they dished out. Unfortunately, these types of personalities don't change, they stay the same, or worsen. I've personally witnessed the most abusive workplace mobbers end up fired themselves for operating under the delusion they'll never face the music. I would go so far as to say that management is often complicit in workplace mobbing. If a particular workplace has a disproportionate gender imbalance, the weaker demographic gender will be the victim. In my case, HR was female, and therefore my chances of having been taken seriously were greatly diminished. Nevertheless, I have grown as a person, and in my professional development, I have gained a sense of confidence, ethics and empathy that is truly needed in today's workplace.
My advice to someone facing workplace mobbing is confide only to your most trusted friends. Cultivate a strong, inner architecture of logic, rationality, stability, spirituality, and ethics. Document incidents that reflect the mobbing behaviour towards you. Build connections with those who will never give in to the temptation of this aberrant behaviour. The most important advice I can give is to find a way out of a workplace that is too toxic to change. If management displays this behaviour towards each other, and to subordinates, then the company culture itself might be infected with this virus-like mentality, being traceable all the way to the top, i.e., the executives and the owners.
Encourage those you know who are going through this nightmare at work. Start speaking up, and speaking out against workplace mobbing. It isn't going to change the person/people responsible for mobbing necessarily, but with enough attention spread on this topic, it will gain traction within the public arena. Eventually, good people will become intolerant of this and mobbing will be seen as a liability to a company's profits and stability. I hope in my lifetime, I will see this happen. Don't let the bastards get you down! And don't let them put you in checkmate either. Leave the workplace on your terms, not theirs.
My wish for anyone going through this, is to hang in there. Persevere. Don't give up. Reach out to those who love you.

The last two paragraphs of your article almost brought me to tears. I have been stood down for three months now. The range of complaints brought against me by a mob of my colleagues have destroyed my self esteem. They are collaborated, falsified, malicious and deeply hurtful.

They were made when I took a holiday for my birthday, the same day a management position for our department was advertised.

Not surprisingly I've gone through all of the stages you have outlined and they are horrible. I've even found myself jumping from one to another e.g. sad to angry to fearful to acceptance, then something will happen and I'm triggered strait back into that cycle. The trigger can be something mundane but i get thrown back into this negative self image.

My problem is that I work in a government position and the progress throughout this investigation process has been extremely slow, with a lack of information about what people have said about me, no documents, no time frames, not even a date for a meeting where I get to defend myself. The only contact I've had with my work was when my manager decided to send a group of people to my house in a government car to see if I was available that day for a meeting, he even sent some of the people who had mobbed me with these complaints (that was a serious trigger for anxiety).

I really don't wish this upon anyone. The self doubt and damage to my health and the mental health of my family has taken it's toll. I'm still not sure when their investigation will end, hopefully soon.

In my mind the things that have offered me some personal resilience are:
1. the thought of moving on from this into a new sector of business.
2. The ability to hold my baby boy.
3. Making a mental health plan with my g.p and psychologist
4. Researching coping techniques and articles like this one.

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this wretched process, Martin. Don't expect fairness, don't expect the facts to matter. Expect people to excuse their aggression against you as "justified," and any problems you are facing characterized as "he did it to himself."

That said, you have charted out an excellent plan and just knowing that you'll move on to something else as soon as you can will empower you to get through it. Do your best job, but put your energies into your future--getting your resume updated and circulating (and if the mobbing has so drained you that you haven't got the energy to do it yourself, then hire it done). Start networking with people outside the toxic environment, but don't discuss the mobbing. Don't trust anyone you work with, especially those closest to you--if there's a target on your head, you can be sure those close to you will be courted by management and eventually turn against you. Preserve your dignity and the relationships by remaining cordial and helpful to them, but not discussing the anguish or indignities you're going through.

If you haven't already found it, I have a Kindle book on Amazon, Mobbed! A Survival Guide to Adult Bullying and Mobbing, which has several chapters that should give you some suggestions and techniques on how to cope and protect yourself. If you don't have a Kindle, you can download a free app on Amazon, on the page where the book is posted, and it will enable you to read any Kindle title on your computer.

In small, honest, well-run companies the owner usually treasures the integrous employee - obviously because they usually make them more money and are trustworthy.

In larger corporations, since ownership is so nebulous (many employees own more stock than their managers), it all becomes about power. And in power games those with integrity are at a real disadvantage since they have fewer weapons they’ll be willing to use in the political combat that usually happens. (I suppose there are cases where honest corporate bosses demand bottom line value, but in my 25 years corporate experience they usually don’t move up the ladder well.)

If you have a talented kid with high integrity, try to steer then into going into their own business. Unless it’s in places like the Ukraine where gangsters demand protection money from business owners, these types usually do best here.

Being a seasoned hand it only took to go from discovering that I'm being mobbed to deciding to leave. I want maintain good relations with my colleagues whom I like and respect and want to drag on the inevitable.