Obama trip saved him from Edwards’ slime

Barack Obama is probably happy he was in Hawaii when former presidential candidate John Edwards finally confessed to a long-rumored affair while his wife was battling cancer. (Edward's creepy assertion that his dalliance happened when his wife's cancer was in a temporary stage of remission was curious. It's sort of like Bill Clinton's assertion that he tried pot but didn't inhale, except on a more grandly offensive scale.)

Now Hillary Clinton's minions are suggesting that if Edwards had confessed his infidelities earlier, Hillary would have won the Iowa caucuses and that she would be the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee today.

That's just silly. And it ignores the fact that Obama just ran a much better campaign than she did.

But looking at things through Hillary's eyes, assuming she, too, thinks that she would have won if Edwards had been forced out, you have to believe she is one of the most unlucky women in the world. If the Edwards-Iowa Scenario is true, it would mean that one man's infidelity (her husband's) helped propel her into the U.S. Senate and then to a run for president and another man's infidelity (John Edward's) robbed her of her chance to rule the world. How unlucky is that?

If I were her, I'd be pretty sour on men in general about now. You convert sympathy for having to put up with one lying, cheating man into something positive only to have another lying, cheating man ruin your life. What are the odds?

It was probably wrong for her aides to even suggest that she might have become president if John Edwards had been caught in the sack with someone other than his wife just a little earlier than he was. It makes it seem too much as though Hillary's destiny is irrevocably intertwined with men not being able to keep their pants on, instead of actual talent.

So, Barack, lucky you stay Hawaii, bruddah. Too bad you can't just sit out the rest of the campaign here. And too bad you've had to allow half the Democratic Convention - YOUR convention - be devoted to the continuing creepy drama that is the Clintons' life. First, you'll have to listen to Hillary's whining about her mistreatment at the hands of men and then Bill gets to lay out exactly how his affair wasn't as yucky as John Edward's because Monica didn't have cancer or anything.

Edwards doesn't get to speak at the convention. Dang. When convention organizers were setting up the speaking schedule, they should have just designated one night as "Lyin', Cheatin' Husbands Night." You could have the likes of Bill Clinton, John Edwards, the Rev. Jesse Jackson, former New Jersey Gov. James McGreevy ... it would be a long night but pretty entertaining.

And, to be fair, the Republicans could put on a pretty good "Lyin, Cheatin' Husbands Night" at their convention, too.

Barack Obama is running on the issue of "good judgment." He showed a lot of it by scheduling a vacation at home in Hawaii just when things on the mainland were getting a bit too weird.

Buy Charles Memminger's hilarious new book, "Hey, Waiter, There's An Umbrella In My Drink!" at island book stores or online at any book retailer. E-mail him at cmemminger@starbulletin.com