Monday, January 25, 2010

Breaking news #3 from Spaceport Adana

Viewers, I’m speaking with Letitia Salatious, Operations Manager of the Port Authority Water Board, regarding today’s tsunami producing attack on her character.As viewers are aware, whilst Adana is a closed loop environment and water recycling is very efficient, its growing population requires constant injections of new water. The most efficient way of doing this is to divert ice laden comets to close orbits to allow cost effective harvesting. This is where the comet wrangler Captain Ice comes in. The timing of the leak is interesting as Captain Ice is in orbit around Spaceport Adana as I speak.“Letitia, thank you for agreeing to see me. Is it true that you sell your favors for water?”“No it is not.”“The leaks from inside your department suggest, do they not, a sexual relationship between you and a comet wrangler known as Captain Ice for which you receive water at a premium price?”“They may suggest that but it is not true.”“What part of … and I quote … “she fucks this guy every year when she negotiates the water contract…” unquote, is not true?”“My personal life has no bearing on my duties as Ops Manager.”“So, you do not deny the sexual relationship?”“It has no bearing on how I conduct my duties.”“There is a suggestion of conflict of interest, is there not?”“On who’s part?”“Your opponents are suggesting that they can no longer trust you as your negotiations are neither transparent nor accountable.”“If they can point to any irregularities then I’d be happy to entertain their conjectures. It is a fact that the cost per cubic meter of comet ice we pay Captain Ice is comparable to the galactic rate, in fact, a little less, last time I looked.”“Five percent less. I checked ten minutes ago.”“Then the charge of impropriety is academic.”“Would it be true to say that Spaceport Adana benefits from your relationship with Captain Ice?”“It would be truer to say that Spaceport Adana benefits from my tough negotiating style.”“Will you be resigning from office as a result of this attack on your propriety?”“Certainly not. Now, if you excuse me, I have to negotiate and secure Adana’s water supply for the next twelve months.”“Thank you Letitia.”“My pleasure, Zoe.”There you have it. Spaceport Adana’s tough negotiator surfs the wave of condemnation for her effective negotiating strategy with no sign of drowning. Viewers will realize that water, in a closed loop environment such as ours, is a costly necessity. My calculations show that if Spaceport Adana paid the going rate for water as other spaceports do, then our monthly water bill will increase by five percent. You decide if Letitia Salatious should resign, or continue warming Captain Ice so our monthly utility bills remain at a galactic low. Contact the Port Authority and voice your views.This is Zoe Barberossa, signing off from the Adana Observer.The Adana Observer, for all your news.Paid Advertisement:The Dripper, the most effective personal water recycler in existence. Suck water right out of the air, out of your clothes, even out of your wc. Anywhere water is, the Dripper can suck it out. Warning: attaching the Dripper to an unsuspecting passerby is an offence under the Adana criminal code. The Dripper; buy one, get one free from Adana Imports, level 12. Free delivery. Intranet: ai 4810638