It’s So Hard…

Last week, I was treated to an evening out with a good friend whom I’ve mentioned before here. She and her husband are members of The Academy so she gets invites to special events and whatnot. Last week it was a Top Chef panel and tasting menu. And whom did she choose to dish on Padma and Tom? None other…

A little background on my girl Krista. She’s a Resource Specialist for a local school district. Her husband and mine have been friends for a long time, but she and I only became close, what, 8 years ago? She and I have had a few adventures together–running off to the hardware store when our house was threatened with a mudslide, her pregnancy and then mine right after, mommy “when-will-this-fucking-end” and me classes, another birth (hers) and a miscarriage (mine), and other random whatnot. She went back to work this year, so we don’t get to see much of one another much, but when we do, it’s really as if we saw each other yesterday–the mark of a true friendship in my book. And we both like sushi, HARD.

Anyway, she decided I would be the perfect companion for this lovely evening, because the first portion would be the panel droning on and on about how awesome they are, and how awesome the show is, and how awesome it is to be on the show… and well, I have a talent–a GIFT, really, for making a number of inappropriate comments during long boring talky things. Lemme tell you, I used to KILL at Faculty meetings. KILL.

We get there and the Auditorium is pretty much packed, beautifully lit, with the big TOP CHEF logo on a screen between the giant Emmy Statues and the predictable black directors chairs arranged artfully across the stage. And of course by artfully I mean in the same formation found at any panel discussion ever had anywhere. oooh! A semi circle! How nouveau!

There were also two mikes set up in either aisle, as there would be questions fielded from the audience later on.

Krista looks at me and says “NO.”

Ok–perHAPS my language is peppered with colorful epithets from time to time, and perHAPS I find Tom Colicchio to be a raging asshat, and perHAPS, if given the opportunity, I would tackle Padma and force feed her full-fat custard if I could. But Krista had this THING about how she wanted to come BACK here in the future and be all respectful and shit. Whatevs. She did however later commend me on my lack of restraint, when it was quite obvious to me, and a few others, I don’t doubt, that SOMEONE needed to stand up and yell “CUNT!!” just to see what would happen.

(yeah–you read that right. What? You know you’ve thought it. Like, right in the middle of a crappy dramatic movie that you’re trapped in. Or that quiet touching moment in a movie that is so contrived and useless? You know you want to)

ANYWAY

I was good and kept my mouth shut. I listened to the panel drone on about nonsense, and then Padma just got CHATTY. Like talking talking talking talking…and a few times she was commenting on how hard something was for her–like the amount of hours she works, or the weight she puts on every season, or how people talk about her online.

It’s obviously quite hard to be Padma. I shouldn’t hate. I mean, having to have your own personal wardrobe people buying clothes for you in three different sizes so that you always look tall and thin? Or eating delicious concoctions every few days, sometimes having to taste them more than once? So hard. Having to lose 15 lbs after every season, especially with that self proclaimed high metabolism? The HORROR.

So, as you can imagine, the catch line for the evening between Krista and I was this pitying “Its so hard for her,” followed by riotous laughter. I do want to make one observation, though–NOT Padma related. Why is it when people get up to ask their question to the panel, they STAY there at the mike, like Padma is going to engage in some sort of philosophical tete-a-tete instead of just answering the question safely and quickly? I mean, how awkward is it to just STAND THERE listening to someone drone on, on a completely different tangent than what you originally ask? Really? You’re just gonna stand there?

ok–so he can cook some pig. I’ll give him THAT…

this bouche was amused

Afterward, of course was the reason people were here–three tasting dishes from winning dishes or inspired by those dishes. And the winner of the last season was there. So while Krista made moony eyes at him, I scarfed down these little Amuse-bouche and drank from the free bar. And HATED on some folks. Because some people have no sense of taste or fashion. And my traitorous phone would never take a pic fast enough to get any of them. Like the lady in the skin tight rainbow horizontal stripe with bumps and curves NOT where they were supposed to be. I mean, hell, why not show up in a tube top and a pair of daisy dukes?

I did however catch this one (and yes she caught me as well). THAT is one sparkly bow/bag.

You like my bag? She must have thought i was being nice. BAHAHAHAHA!

We did actually get to have a photo op with Padma later–I let Krista pose as lord only KNOWS what might have happened if I stood next to her. Is it me, or does Padma look scared? I realize how hard it was for her to be a celebrity and take pictures. It’s so hard.

a) why does Padma look nervous? does she know i’ve got a bowl of custard with her name on it? and b) what’s up with the dude in the blue striped shirt?

Did I MENTION the free bar?

All in all a fantastic night. Caught up with my girl, shared more than a few curse words and skinny girl hate, and ate some YUMMY food. Or bites. And got a lesson in just how HARD it is to be Padma. So hard.