Thursday, November 10, 2011

Quest for coolness

I am not cool. This might shock you, but the kid who carries Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time books around high school and wins Star Wars and Star Trek quoting contests does not win Prom Queen. For a while, I thought I would outgrow my inner geek.

I. Was. Wrong.

Not only have I not suddenly become cool, it seems I've drifted even further down the geek scale. This week, two things made me realize my quest for coolness will forever elude me.

First. On Monday I took the kids to Best Buy so they could give me ideas for Christmas presents for them. Something shiny caught my attention. An iPad 2. It was loverly. I wanted to rip it from its display, clutch it to my chest, and run out of the store hissing, "My precious. It is my precious!"

Thankfully, I was able to control myself. It might surprise you to learn that this was not the moment that made me even less cool. No. That moment occurred when I got confused by all the apps and my 8-year-old and my 15-year-old had to show me how to use it. I don't know how this happened. I used to be the kid showing her mom how to use things. Now I'm the Mom. What's next? Rocking on the porch saying, "Back in my day I walked to school. In the snow." Oh. Wait. I have said that.

The second thing is even worse. I was going through my closet, looking for clothes to donate to the Vietnam Vets, when I pulled out an old pair of jeans. Dear Reader, they were acid washed. They were high waisted. They were Mom Jeans.

Thankfully, I have not worn them in a long time. But not from any fashion sense on my part. It's because I've found something even better than Mom Jeans. Yoga Pants. I wear them every day. Yes, Dear Reader, every day. I don't even do yoga. At least not any more. I went through a phase when I thought I'd get in shape. I faithfully practiced yoga several times a week. Then I discovered I that wearing the pants while eating Hershey's dark chocolate was much more fun than contorting myself into Downward Facing Dog.

Dear Reader, I must stop this downward spiral. I am one step away from embroidered Christmas sweaters. Today I am giving away the Mom Jeans. I am changing out of the yoga pants and putting on Old Navy jeans. (Not high fashion, but at least not high waisted.) And I am going shopping. Right after I finish watching a rerun of The Sarah Connor Chronicles on Syfy.