Slap Upside The Head

Charles McVety, spokesmouth of Canada’s largest anti-gay lobby group, has declared that Canada is “now officially a homosexual country.”

Hey! We’ve done it! The gays have taken over the country! And, apparently, all it required was some aboriginal artwork from 1983 to be displayed on loan at Rideau Hall from now until mid-2011.

Oh yes, in an article entitled Canada is now Officially a Homosexual Country, McVety rails against Androgyny, a 20-foot, abstract mural depicting amoebic birds, fish, and people all looking toward a giant blue eagle. The award-winning painting symbolises the aboriginal belief that each sex is only half of our species and that—through growth, experience, parenthood, and ageing—we eventually unite both our masculine and feminine sides to become a complete human.

McVety somehow interprets this to be homosexual (uh, doesn’t that inherently involve one sex?) and holds back nothing in his protest against the painting, saying that its temporary installation in the house of Canada’s Governor General means that “political correctness has slithered all the way to the top” and that “the only conclusion is that Canada is officially a homosexual country.”

Interesting logic, but whatever; the gays are in charge now! And as my first act running the country, I shall outlaw plaid. Step two: Reform the Senate to become the Sen-sational-ate.