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Throwdown Mammaries

I have no idea how to begin a behind-the-scenes post about the Throwdown experience. I won’t be able to include all the details, as there were approximately 4,556 of them. All I know is, the first three weeks in September comprised one of the busiest periods of my life. The work on the ranch was busy, I traveled to a few different places, and I was finishing up the Black Heels to Tractor Wheels book.

Then, on a Saturday night in mid-to-late September, I returned from a trip. That Sunday at noon, the Throwdown crew arrived. Wednesday morning, they left.

Then I passed out and had to be administered oxygen for a few days.

So if you remember a time in September when my posting seemed either incoherent, sparse, psychotic, disjointed, discursive, nonexistent, or just plain weird, I would venture a guess it was during that three-day period.

Because, as you know, I would never, ever be weird otherwise.

Here’s the Throwdown. It was 450 degrees in the Lodge. I had trickles going down my neck, back, arms, face, and head.

I’ve never felt so fresh.

I started out by warning Bobby that if he wound up winning, he had to arm wrestle Marlboro Man. I can’t remember if he laughed or not.

One of my other first impressions with Bobby was almost taking him out with my knife. I gesture a lot when I talk. Sometimes I forget to put down my knife first.

I’m a real pro.

Strangely, before-the-event angst aside, this was the first television experience in which I really wasn’t very nervous once it started. And that’s not because I was self-assured or convinced I was going to win the Throwdown. On the contrary, I knew I was going to lose. I just wanted Bobby Flay to come to the ranch and cook for me and I figured this was probably the only way that would happen. To what extent I would go down in flames was the only question in my mind.

No, the reason I wasn’t nervous was that there was simply too much food to cook. It wasn’t like this morning show or that, where I’m there to cook one specific item. This was an entire meal.

An entire Thanksgiving meal.

An entire Thanksgiving meal for fifty-plus people.

An entire Thanksgiving meal for fifty-plus people that was also a cooking competition.

I simply had no time to wig out.

Okay, now look at me. Then look at Missy. We’re actually speaking to each other, ventriloquist-style, through clenched teeth.

I’d like to state for the record that I had absolutely no idea who the judges would be, as evidenced by my widely opened jaw. That’s Jeff Castleberry on the right; he’s the owner of Caz’s Chowhouse in downtown Tulsa. And that lovely woman on the left?

She sings, I think.

At least that’s what I heard.

She didn’t bring her husband!

He sings too, I think. At least that’s what this song told me.

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared ‘neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you’d ever say goodbye?

And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I’d have had to miss the dance

Sing it, Garth. Sing it.

And now, back to his wife:

Gorgeous
Completely natural
Completely down-to-earth
Sharp as a tack
Glowing
Has published two cookbooks
Can sing like there’s no tomorrow. My goodness.

The judges were handed my plates first. Bobby and I were both completely quiet behind them because we didn’t want to skew the result, but I was dying inside. I felt like I was being judged.

Oh, wait. I was being judged.

I was so glad to be surrounded by family and friends. My mom, my mother-in-law, my good friend Beth (in the orange), my lifelong friend Connell, fellow homeschooling moms from the area, and lots of folks from my church.

And my younger daughter, who told the camera, when asked directly, that she liked Bobby’s dessert better.

Doh!

Fellow Oklahoma bloggers were there, too. Jen (to the right of me, with strawberry blond hair) felt so sorry for me that she grabbed my hair and held it in an elevated position while Miss Wisabus (directly behind me) blew lightly on my neck. They’d noticed the puddle of perspiration on the floor below and, coupled with their knowledge that I was wearing Spanx, they began to fear I would expire.

The breath was very cool and appreciated. It was a special moment for me.

Miss Wisabus and Jen weren’t the only bloggers there. Meseidy, from one of my favorite food blogs, The Noshery, was there with her darling husband (far right, black shirt, glasses.)

The Lodge has never been more packed with humans and turkeys. And turkeys and turkeys and turkeys.

I won’t address the subject of who won the Throwdown. The show airs again Saturday night, and some folks reading this haven’t yet seen it. And besides, it doesn’t matter whether I won or lost. It only matters that as soon as everyone left, I froze Bobby’s leftovers and am going to serve them on my Thanksgiving table next week!

(My daughter is making Bobby’s dessert as we speak. Photos forthcoming.)

I do need to tell you about the A Bar Bunkhouse Band, which you have to hear to believe. They came to play during the Throwdown, and I love them so much I want to adopt them.

They’re all youngsters! And incredibly talented.

Singers always flock together.

It was at this time that I elected not to showcase my singing skills to them.

I wanted them all to remember the experience fondly, after all.

Before I go, I have to give a shout-out to my full-on bud Julie, who basically spent the whole week before the Throwdown running all over Green Country (the area where we live) helping me get the things I’d need for the Throwdown. Since I was out of town, I would have been a goner without Julie–both before, and absolutely during, the Throwdown. She was incredible.

The other angel sent from Heaven is my friend Tiffany, a chef in the area who rallied a couple of her former students, Jeremy and Victor, to do the heavy prep work behind the scenes. Within two days, I had to prepare fourteen turkeys, bake seven recipes of cornbread, chop fifty pounds of onions, tons of celery and carrots, cook forty tons of potatoes, make enough pie crust, chop enough pecans, and make enough filling for eight million pies…you get the picture. I literally could not have done it without them.

I’m wearing two saint charms around my necks, and they have the images of Julie and Tiffany on them.

Oh! And the woman who gave birth to me, too. My mom traveled here to take care of my four children the whole time. She took them to Wal Mart.

The End

P.S. On camera, I told Bobby that I used to watch his shows while I nursed my babies. I just needed to get that out.

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http://creativeconnectionsforkids.com Kristi

Loved it! I am looking forward to trying the recipes.

Adrienne

My husband and I both watched the show on Wednesday night. It was sooooo much fun to “meet” you IRL. I think I might have to watch it again tomorrow night for kicks. Oh, and that parting line, absolutely hilarious and wonderful because i’ve said stuff like that before. Love ya P-Dub!

http://shopinfredonia.blogspot.com/ Miranda

I cannot wait to see this, setting my DVR right now, just in case life gets in the way again of seeing it!!

http://righteousbuzz.blogspot.com/ Coffee Bean

Good Lord Woman! We don’t even have our tv hooked up! Is there some way to watch all this business on the internet?!?!? It looks like y’all had a fabulous time!

http://christinemarksphotography.blogspot.com Christineellen

I think you did great! I enjoyed the whole show and I was so glad you won! No mashed potatoes sheez, what was he thinking! I loved that they put your punks and MM in it. It was SOOOOO much better then the Today show!

http://www.missinthekitchen.com Miss

Ree, you were great! I enjoyed every minute of it! Everyone I know was talking about it the next day! You keep us laughing!

Stephanie

Congratulations, Ree! You cooked your butt off and the puddle of sweat was completely undetectable.

Too bad they didn’t cut to footage of Hooker when you told Bobby what you used to do while watching his show!

http://www.kyleecooks.blogspot.com Kylee

Oh, and I watched it off my DVR this morning….. I was like… uhhhh – you watched Bobby Flay while you nursed your babies? Laughed my arse off. (that’s a whole lot of laughing, too).

Jennifer from Kansas

I missed it! I’m going to have to watch it tomorrow night!

Carrie

Loved it also. I had just sipped on a Pepsi when you said that about nursing to Bobby and about choked on it when laughing……the food looked delicious! And your ranch looks like a little bit of Heaven on earth!

Gloria Holcomb

Trisha Yearwood in your house!!! Wow!! The lady has an amazing voice and a beautiful personality to go with it!

mai

whoo-hoo top 10! I loved the show, itass gonna be a keeper in the vcr piles…yes aid vcr. Your family was adorable, so glad to see Charlie.

Carrie M

It was phenomenal. Congratulations!

Theresa in Alberta

Thank God for good friends, family and mom eh! I still cannot find this episode on Canadian TV 🙁

Jane H.

I marked the show on my calendar, told the folks I went out to dinner with that evening that I had to be home before 8, and loved every minute of your show. It was a hoot to watch and to see “in person” those you write about. I’m glad you let us know when it would be on – I would have missed it otherwise.

http://camelliacottagedesigns.blogspot.com Becky G.

It was wonderful!!! I enjoyed every minute, and thought your daughter was so cute – even though she did ‘dis’ your dessert. I may have to watch it again on Saturday. Oh, and btw, seeing the lodge from afar, its prettier than I thought – love it!

http://ifididnthaveasenseofhumor.blogspot.com Barbara

I watched and thought you looked like a PRO!! What I don’t understand is – why do you have no pictures of you and Bobby together (not cooking)?

mai

Fooooey, not top 10. Oh well….

dana

i am sooooo happy it is being rebroadcast! i missed it the first time and am anxiously awaiting saturday night!!!

Mary E.

I watched the show on Wednesday, and it was so fun to see you in real life! Your mashed potatoes were the best part of the competition. Great call including those — and the cranberry relish at the last minute.