Tethered

The hardest thing so far about having our bestest friends live with us (don’t worry there are so many super-great things like dinner every night, NOT prepared by me) is that due to having another child in the house, I feel like I never hang with my best girl anymore.

Today, I had such an overwhelming sense of loneliness for Autumn. We are together most of the time. And even though we aren’t always actively playing together, she is usually just steps from me, setting up her animal figures and we chat now and again about the set-up she’s created. We use to eat at her little table, often just the two of us (or with her dad), casually talking and just being us, together.

But now her main interest is, “her sister” Izzy. They play, argue, laugh, chase, snack, pour mud all over the porch, splash water all over the bathroom floor, torture the dog and on.

So tonight I made some time to hang with just Autumn, playing, watching animals on you-tube, reading, telling stories and it was so nice to snuggle up. Well until she had to push it and the refusal to sleep started and my voice began to rise and all those missing my baby girl feelings turned to, ” just go to sleep already” – you know the story. Apparently I need nightly torture.

It’s been a learning experience putting two single children together everyday, sometimes all day long. It’s so nice to see her playing but sometimes I do miss those quiet, sweet moments throughout our lone days together that feel so intimate and assuring. There is something about that only child – tethered to my heart alone.