UK Garage is the best genre ever

This isn't even a debate

Patrick Hinton

28 April 2017

There’s an inclination among the human race to muse on difficult questions. What’s the meaning of life? Would you rather? Should I go out for the third night in a row despite being four figures overdrawn and bordering on coma-levels of tiredness? All are the subject of deep thought.

In the underground dance scene this urge translates into a toss-up between the two leading genres. Pick one: house or techno? They’re the most popular styles, and there’s a weighty crossover in the fan bases. It’s a query that can be posed absentmindedly and then spiral out into a brain wracking analysis that has discussers looking like Charlie Kelly.

House is uplifting, soulful, but techno is gritty, powerful, and each can be left feeling lacklustre or overbearing in comparison, depending on your varying mood. Committing absolutely to one and sacrificing the other for eternity is tough. If this is a question that has ever plagued your consciousness then have no fear because I’ve solved it. Don’t worry, it's not tech-house, which is neither here nor there. The answer to deciding your favourite in the near-existential question of “house or techno?” is: UK garage, which is actually the best genre ever.

“Introducing a third option to answer a question specifically calling for a choice between two determined variables is stupid and nonsensical,” you say? Well, not in this case! Hear me out. As noted, the debates I’ve borne witness to along these lines are often centred on the moods of the music. Could you imagine just listening to the battering-ram force of techno without the warm embrace of something brighter? Could you imagine not having that option while in a hazy headspace in some peeling-walls basement at 8am in the morning?