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7.25.2017

Waiting Waiting

This season is really interesting. Mark and I feel so exhausted each and every day. Not physically exhausted but emotionally and mentally. I know many of you have moved cities so I know there is a huge community that can totally relate.... but wow I didn't expect this. This overwhelming feeling just hanging onto me.

I am living in this tension of feeling released, excited and called to what's next and at the same time trying to remain present, tie up relationships, see people and overall leave well. With these two desires at odds with one another and so many things out of my control I am left feeling stressed and anxious.

The amount of sweet church people asking me who is taking my place and what will happen when I go and not having an answer for them is draining. I want to provide the answers and help but I can't. That is up to the church leadership and not in my control. On the other side, I want to know where we are going to live, settle down and make deep roots in Gravenhurst but that is also outside of my control. The housing market is a lot different up there without a lot of options and that is making me anxious. How do I pack, what is going to go in storage? Do I need storage? Where will I work? Should I pursue more weddings and get more serious about this side hustle-passion job or should I look for work that is stable and secure hours?

These two popular verses that I have had memorized since I was little always ring loud in these overwhelming excited but sad kind of days. Many people quote Matthew 11:28 and know it well. It says: "Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest." Most people stop there and declare that over their lives as they sit on the couch and watch nextflix. However this verse isn't talking about phyiscal rest but this spiritual kind. If you keep reading the passage it says "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Now that is something we can preach over ourselves. Jesus is saying to come to him. To literally sit at his feet and stay there. To spend time with him (not watch nextflix) and to commune and be with him. When we do this we find rest for our souls. True rest. Rest that actually matters and is life giving. This is the rest I need in this season of feeling so many emotions and trying to leave well but being excited for what's next.

The second verse I've been speaking over myself is found in Matthew 6:27. It says so clearly and just makes me giggle at how timeless the bible is. "And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?" Gah, convicted every time [and I speak this verse out loud most days and still get convicted of it...this is an ongoing struggle].

Jesus is so great and sometimes speaks so clearly. Can I add a single hour to my life by worrying about so many things out of my control? Nope. But I do. I get up from the feet of Jesus and start striving again, start trying to do work in my flesh rather than work from a place of rest.

So here I am telling you I'm flawed and so in need of Jesus. I need his rest for my weary overhwelmed soul and I need his words to remind me that worrying solves nothing. That popular Chris Tomlin song "I need thee oh I need thee, every hour I need thee" is so true. I am in need of Jesus in this season and every season. The nice part is that I know this season has an end. Just four or so more weeks and all the boxes will be packed, A house will be found and I will be typing these blogs in a new town. But while I wait, I will continue to speak these verses over my life and praise Jesus for his faithfulness and goodness each day.

If your are going through a transition season know I am right there with you. Speak these ever popular verses out loud over your life and believe them, sit in them, rest in them.