Followers

Monday, April 11, 2011

News that the people of Iceland had voted 'No' in the referendum asking if they should pay back money to investors has been met by clamours from millions of British children who want to move to the mid-Atlantic island.

“Daddy said that the people of Iceland did not have to follow rules and stuff. They don't have to take out rubbish or tidy their rooms or anything but they still get all their pocket money,” said Mary, aged 11. “I bet they also get to stay up late and eat just donut icing for their tea. It's probably why the country is called Iceland.”

The demand from British children to move to Iceland came after the Icelandic government, led by the sloped-shouldered Prime Minister Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir, decided not to fulfil their international commitments. Since people might shout at them they decided to pass the buck onto the people who pay them to make such decisions on their behalf.

“It is complicated to pay squillions and squillions back, since if we did it we'd probably have to raise taxes and this would mean less sweets for the children of Iceland, which is all we eat of course,” said Ms Sigurðardóttir, 9, from her bouncy castle in Reykjavík North. “It has nothing at all to do with me then being voted out of office for making other Icelandic children sad you baddies.”

The leader of the ruling Teflon Party said that it had considered all available options in terms of fulfilling its international obligations but the sums were very hard indeed. Instead they asked all of the other Icelandic children over 18 to vote on whether they would like to do something unpleasant or not.

“We discussed whether we could make a tent and hide under our duvets, or perhaps all phone up Britain and say we have funny tummies,” said the Prime Minister. “We were as shocked as anyone at the result of the referendum question 'Should we pay back money to Britain and Holland who are just being mean, horrible bullies?' So there!”

The UK treasury said that it was going to pursue every avenue possible to reclaim the €4bn that it felt it was owed.

“If they won't pay back money owed then clearly no one is going to be lending them more money in the future. This might not be a good long-term position for them to be in, given their country is essentially a volcano covered in dead fish and seal poo,” said Chancellor George Osborne, 12, from his Whitehall rumpus room. “But most importantly I shall be raising the important issue at the next meeting of the world's Finance Ministers, that Iceland’s Minister, Billings Billingssen smells and has a small willy.”