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April 25, 2011

heartbroken

I woke up in the middle of the night and went to the kitchen and was greeted by my pal Largent. He followed me into the bathroom where he collapsed into my lap. Weirdly I felt like we had a "moment" . He seemed relieved that I had woke up. The past few days he had barely eaten his food, and seemed to retreat to one spot. Justin and I had decided maybe he was sick, and figured we should take him to the vet. We put him in the carrier today, and sat in the waiting room with other cats in distress. He calmly stood there and occasionally pushed his face into my fingers as I tried to comfort him. When the nurse called us back, Justin thought I might be too emotional to go in so I stayed in the lobby. (I tend to get anxious when it comes to our cats in cages and such) After 40 minutes, he asked me to come back into Largent's room. Our cat was not there, and I was informed they were doing an X-ray and then blood work. About 10 minutes later the doctor came in and said that he couldn't explain why Largent's condition had deteriorated so quickly but that he was barely breathing on his own and that his organs seems stressed. I don't remember much else about what he was explaining, I just know that he was saying in so many words, he's probably not going to make it through this. I just kept thinking I was letting him down. He was such an emotional cat and I wanted him to know that I was there. When the doctor asked if we wanted to see him again before we left, we looked at eachother for a moment before replying. Truthfully I was so scared, not knowing what state he might be in. But I knew there was no way I was leaving without petting him one last time. Laying on the table with tubes down his throat he looked at me, and I couldn't help but start crying. This cat, named after a Seattle Seahawks football star...was the reason that my husband and I became close. We adopted him together and we moved in together so that our cats would have company. He was from a shelter and had obviously been abused physically and emotionally. He had half a tail and abandonment issues. We loved and adored him and would often remark that he won the "cat lottery" with owners like us. When we moved out here to the desert he was so happy. Always staring at the birds outside. I would like to think that there was nothing I could've done today to save him. I cannot stop sobbing and thought posting these pictures might make me feel better.

He really loved to bury his face into the kitchen table and take naps

sorry some of these are sideways...

s

I am going to remember your fascination with shoes and feet. The way you would bury your face in the bottom of a shoe and go to sleep. I am going to remember the way your little toes trotted across the wood floors like tap shoes. I'm going to remember the way you loved the sunshine. I will always picture you rolling on your back near the window practically smiling. Hoping you know how much we loved you. R.I.P Largie.

Weirdly Cassandra, today before we even went to the vet i was staring at this painting from my grandfather (who is deceased) and I was thinking about how all of my grandparents are not dead and how you just never know how much time you have with the ones you love. About an hour later a routine vet visit ended like this and I have to believe these thoughts were all connected to a better place. So sorry about Binx. xoxo

Oh Kime, I'm so sorry. I do understand. My own boy died just 2 weeks ago and it has genuinely broken my heart. My Pooter was 20 years old and I had to make the decision to end his suffering. It was unbearable.
I knew he was sad and I kept whispering to him to let me know when he'd had enough. I know it sounds crazy to regular people but it won't to you. I cried all day, every day. I do want you to know that it gets better although you never stop missing them. My little cat was like my familliar and I feel lost without him. I just have to believe that I carry him in my heart and that way he can never really leave me.
It's a testament to your bond that you woke up in the night to be with him when he clearly needed you and was trying to tell you he needed help. Us girls and our cats...we are each others shadows. It's a beautiful relationship and we are lucky to have each other. I wish I could fast forward a month for you so it hurts a little less, but you have to feel it I guess - to make sense of it. Be proud that you did right by him Kime. I send you lots of love from chilly England xo

You were all that cat had in this world this is a sad story indeed and I feel for you but god damn that is hard to read. You should consider leaving that hipster fuck and finding a real man with sensitivity (boy at heart) and a head on their shoulders, mind in the right place. When its life and death what is important is a no brainer, and much of that is presence.

Your cat sounds like a beautiful creature and the night you spent with her im sure was comforting.

First of all, I'd like to explain that the cat was not dying when we took him in. He just wasn't eating at home. It was a routine visit to check him out. I tend to get nervous about our cats in stressful situations. My husband was afraid my panic energy would make the cat nervous. Neither of us was prepared for what happened next. We did not think for a second he was at deaths door. My husband did not want to leave him. We were told the cat was unconscious and not breathing on his own. My husband and I Iooked at eachother with fear and sadness because we did not want to see him like that. My husband is the most sensitive and loving person I have ever met, so for the record senseless...you are totally off the mark. And we have been grieving the loss of our friend the past 24 hours. Thank you everyone else for your kind words, they mean a lot.

and for what it's worth, we are both glad that we went back there and spent his last moments with him. This whole incident really seems unreal. I can't believe that he did not come home with us. I keep thinking I am going to see him again.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Kime. Your story brought tears to my eyes. Largent seemed like such a sweet, wonderful cat. I'm sure he has had a wonderful, very happy life with you and your husband. This blogpost is such a beautiful ode to him. Hold on to the beautiful memories!