I thought about you,
craving your silken touch.
I was shaking,
fever raging
from my desire for you.
I imagined your lips,
delicious and warm,
and my body trembled,
unsated,
needing your touch.
From my window,
there was a speck of a blood red moon,
which only served to remind me of you.
I closed my eyes,
needing rest,
yet I thought of you still.
My desire won out.
I could taste you on my lips.
I was dreaming while awake,
hungering for your kiss,
recalling images of fingers
exploring hidden places.
The passionate nights fled
without a visible trace,
but left a trail of fire.
And still I thought about you,
pressing gently into me,
wanting my satin touch,
the brush of your hair against my neck,
a mere featherlike caress across my flesh,
yet a tempest unleashed.

I thought about you,
craving your silken touch.
I was shaking,
fever raging
from my desire for you.
I imagined your lips,
delicious and warm,
and my body trembled,
unsated,
needing your touch.
From my window,
there was a speck of a blood red moon,
which only served to remind me of you.
I closed my eyes,
needing rest,
yet I thought of you still.
My desire won out.
I could taste you on my lips.
I was dreaming while awake,
hungering for your kiss,
recalling images of fingers
exploring hidden places.
The passionate nights fled
without a visible trace,
but left a trail of fire.
And still I thought about you,
pressing gently into me,
wanting my satin touch,
the brush of your hair against my neck,
a mere featherlike caress across my flesh,
yet a tempest unleashed.

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Comments

So this is 2nd person narrative free verse. I love 2nd person perspective in poetry....it's the most powerful of all. The narrator is directly addressing the reader. It's a personal conversation. And this is a very personal and passionate poem; retrospective in many ways, longing and desperate.

"The passionate nights fled without a visible trace, but left a trail of fire."
That is by far my favorite line in your piece, William. Fantastic imagery and terrific personification.

This is the second poem of yours that I've seen? I love your romanticism.
In poetry, your allowed liberties that prose does not provide....that's what I like about it. I'd like to see you tighten your lines; your phrases. Eliminate unnecessary words, take advantage of poetry's freedoms - vague inferences, misty allusions. Give your reader the opportunity to wonder, to search, to reach. Paint your picture with a softer haze, inconspicuous edges.
Try to eliminate words like 'the' and 'a' in your poems where you can. Consider present tense! I think it would work well here.