chasing the blue flower

Playdates with God: Insomnia

My first spiritual director once told me that before she opens her eyes each morning she lays her plans for the day out before God.

“This is what I would like to do today,” she tells the Lord. “But if you have other plans…please, feel free.”

So this morning—when I awaken prematurely and cannot return to the embrace of sleep—I think of this dear woman. Lord, there are many things in need of doing, I hum in the dark.

The list seems neverending and I have trouble with that second part of the prayer—the surrender. I let my resistance lead me through the moments of the previous day. I hold each one up before the Light—scrutinize from every angle. Opening my mind as a student allows me to step away from ownership—to step away from pride—and I ask God what I can learn from each one—searching for the blessing. I thank God for the moments that sit sweet in my mind. And for the opportunity to learn from the not-so-sweet.

It’s called theexamenprayer and it’s always been hard for me. Too many regrets are carried in my back pocket from day-to-day; too many spilled words. I had a teacher once who referred to the examen as praying with the sacred text of your own lived life. Do I dare to see the moments I’ve breathed through as a sacred text?

During the bombing raids of World War II, thousands of children were orphaned and left to starve. The fortunate ones were rescued and place in refugee camps where they received food and god care. But many of these children who had lost so much could not sleep at night. They feared waking up to find themselves once again homeless and without food. Nothing seemed to reassure them. Finally, someone hit upon the idea of giving each child a pice of bread to hold at bedtime. Holding their bread, these children could finally sleep in peace. All through the night the bread reminded them, “Today I ate and I will eat again tomorrow.”

The authors tell this story to illustrate how the examen prayer helps us focus on life-giving elements of the passing moments—even in the difficult ones.

As I sift moments in the dark I feel my heart begin to open. I hold on to the bread of grace and I feel my will—supple and light as a willow branch.

How do you embrace the God-joy? Every Monday I’ll be sharing one of my Playdates with God. I would love to hear about yours. It can be anything: outside, quiet time. Maybe it’s solitary. Maybe it’s loud and crowded. Just find Him. Be with Him. Grab my button at the bottom of the page and join us:

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About Laura Boggess

I’m a morning person and happiest in a place with no walls. Give me a bed of grass and a blanket-sky and I will dream deep in wonder. But a good story takes me to this place too. And a poem? Even better. You can always find me here. Or connect with me on on facebook, twitter, or pinterest.

What a poignant picture is that bread in the orphans’ hands! I had my own rare insomnia the other night, and the getting up and working out of its causes took a bit of time, but it was grace, all grace, just the same. I wish I’d had the imagery of that bread then. But I do now, thank you!

I have to say, I don’t always pray the prayer of examen, but when I do, it “frees me” just like God has done for you here, Laura. Thanks for sharing your heart and that story of the orphans–so sweet! It reminds me to hold to the bread of God’s grace as well … for we are so richly blessed. Thanks for this great word of encouragement, my friend!

Isn’t it a sad yet beautiful story, Diane? In the book, the authors also mention Viktor Frankl and his observation in the concentration camp that the men who gave away their meager portion of bread seemed to have a greater survival rate. He said it was because with everything that was taken from them, they were still able to hold on to their dignity.

Laura, that is so scriptural ( Isaiah 58) Also, as Jesus said, My food is to do the work of the Lord. When we obey His Word, even when it goes against human survival, God comes in and honors His people! Whoohoo! Love the way God works!

Dear LauraWhat an incredible story about these little ones!! I am so very grateful that once we have received our Lord Jesus, we have the Living Bread of Life living in us and us in Him. What more could we ask for in this life.BlessingsMia

Ah. That part about the orphans… For the last few years, especially since all of our moves, I’ve been waking up in the mornings with my hands clenched so tight in fists that it literally takes me a few minutes to uncurl my fingers. I never thought of the timeliness of it, until just now.

Someone else recently shared that story about the orphans…there is something there to think about….The Examen prayer…I’ll go to your link to learn more. This is totally new to me. But…what’s interesting is that our pastor referred to using/doing this prayer a few times in his message Sunday. Hmmm….I think maybe there might be a nudge in this. Yes?

So glad, Laura, to hear how you’ve taught your mind to look at Him and contemplate His meaning in your life, amidst the ordinary, and in all things — even during a bout of insomnia. I know that “seeking and finding” didn’t happen overnight, but through diligent practice.

Examen prayer… you live your entire life as a christian and think you are a know-it-all and then you read this blog. Love how God is in the business of putting me in my place. FYI, I really am in no way or shape a christian know-it-all 🙂 I do love the idea of this kind of prayer!

Oh, friend, I wish we could have swapped prayers in the dark hours before morning- I’ve decided that those waking hours really are a gift if I can just open my hands/ears and listen for His voice. Love this-definition – praying with the sacred text of your own lived life.I may need to ponder that one line all day!

If I had your company in those wee hours it sure would be a gift :). I don’t know what it is about this decade–I’ve never had trouble sleeping in my life. But this body is switching a lot of things up on me…

All along. You know that old wives tale about sleeping with a piece of wedding cake under your pillow and how it says you’ll dream of your future groom? I wonder what will happen if I sleep with my Bible under the pillow? Maybe one of those little copies of the New Testament so I don’t get a stiff neck…