To JaMarcus Russell, With Love Ryan Leaf

Even though you have been through a lot, try to look on the bright side. You've got millions of dollars, you will be famous until "the next Ryan....errr JaMarcus Russell" comes along, and at least your team didn't have a shot at Peyton Manning when they drafted you.

A word of advice. Whatever you do, don't try to drown your post-NFL blues in a wash of narcotics....oh wait....never mind. Scratch that. Whatever you do don't get caught stealing.

PS: I am enclosing somewhere in the neighborhood of ten thousand letters, digitally altered photographs and various fan comments all having to do with Dolly Parton, Pamela Anderson, Mariah Carey and someone named Simona Halep.