Boston Marathon Bomber Severely Injured In Prison

FORT DEVENS – Boston Marathon Bomber Severely Injured In Prison, May Never Walk Or Talk Again

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev 21, Boston Marathon bombing suspect, was the victim of an “unfortunate accident” yesterday at Ft. Devens Detention Center in Massachusetts. He was found face down in a pool of his own blood in his cell; a banana peel was found on the floor nearby.

“It initially appeared as though Tsarnaev slipped on a discarded banana peel and hit the floor with such force that his head bounced off the hard tile surface. The injuries have caused massive brain trauma,” said prison investigator Joe Goldsmith. “We determined though, through expert analysis, that it would be impossible for these injuries to have occurred through a fall. Our investigation has shown that that it was the Aryan Brotherhood who initiated an attack on Tsarnaev.”

“Yes, it was the brotherhood who took care of that bomber,” said Miles Smith, head of the Aryan Nation inside Devens. “The other gangs, they wanted him, too. We paid the guards the most money to have a shot. They stood aside, and let us do what we do. On the way out, they shook our hands, told us ‘Thank you.’ Well, You’re welcome. You’re welcome, Boston. You’re welcome, America!”

“Normally, an attack this violent, this cruel, on another inmate would get any offending party more time added to their sentence,” said warden Jacobson. “Because of the nature of Tsarnaev’s crimes, though, we have decided to actually reduce the sentences of the Aryan members who were involved. They have done our prison and our country a great service, and we appreciate it immensely. They are heroes in the eyes of not only this institution, but also in the eyes of the people of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.”

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev and his older brother Tamerlan Tsarnaev were both suspected of perpetrating the Boston Marathon bombings on April 15, 2013. The bombings killed three people and reportedly injured as many as 264 others. Shortly after the FBI named the two suspects and released images of them, the two brothers reportedly killed an MIT police officer and carjacked an SUV in a shootout with police. During the shootout, the elder brother, Tamerlan was captured but was killed when his brother drove over him with the SUV. On the evening of April 20, 2013, the wounded Dzhokhar was found unarmed and hiding in a boat on a trailer in Watertown, Massachusetts.

On January 30, 2014, United States Attorney General Eric Holder announced that the federal government would seek the death penalty against Tsarnaev. The trial had just begun on January 5, 2015, as Tsarnaev pleaded not guilty to all thirty charges filed against him.