Raise your voice. Rebel. Make a change. Love. Have lots of good sex.

I keep looking for that right moment where I can ask Fadi to see me alone.

It’s not that I don’t have the balls to confront him. I mean I’ve beat the living daylights out of the kid before, but I don’t want anyone else to hear what I’m about to say to him. No one can hear.

The school bell rings and our 3rd class ends, it’s time for the first recess. My classmates start getting out of class to the courtyard. Everyone except Fadi. He always eats his sandwich on his desk.

After everyone gets out, I walk up to Fadi. I’ve never talked to him in class before. Ever. So he’s nervous. He doesn’t know what I’m going to do or say. Will I hit him? Will I punch him? Will I curse at him? After that “I have pictures and I’m going to tell her” shit he said last time, he has the right to be scared.

“Hey…”, I tell him.

He’s relieved I didn’t strike a punch, but doesn’t reply.

“Listen, I need to talk to you”.

“About what?”, he asks.

“About us”, I answer him. My tone is very luvvy duvvy. Tfeh.

Even thought he was putting on a mean face, I know he was excited that there was hope of us being together.

“I’m sorry about last time. Can we be alone and talk?”, I continue.

“Now?”, he asks.

“Ummm, no. As soon as the second recess starts, head to the rooftop. The door’s never locked and no one checks for students there anyway. Wait for me there and I’ll come up to see you”.

He nods. “Okay, I’ll be there”.

“Tayyib, I’ll see you then”, I smile at him and head to the door to get out.

“Jad…”, he calls out.

“Yes?”, I reply.

“Nothing. I…I’ll see you”, he smiles back.

I’m sure what he meant to say was ‘I love you’. I smile back and head out.

The next 2 hours fly by so fast. After another two back to back Arabic classes the bell suddenly rings. It’s time for the second recess. I snap out from my mini blackout and look over to my right to see Fadi. He’s already staring at me. He smiles and heads out of class. Alright, this is it.

I stay in class, wait for everyone to get out, and start pacing back and forth anxiously. I want to do it. I can’t not do it. But there’s no time for second guessing. I grab my backpack and get out.

As I’m walking up the stairs leading to the last floor, I’m hoping I don’t get busted by a teacher or the recess monitor. But the coast is clear and I’m finally there. The door is closed. I turn the old door handle which makes this awfully loud noise, turn around to double check if anyone was there, and push the rusty old door open.

I take a step outside and see Fadi with his back against me, leaning on the edge of the rooftop, with his arms on the concrete railing. He hears the door open so he turns his head around and winks at me. “Come see Beirut. Who knew this good-for-nothing school could have this awesome view”, he tells me.

I look over to Fadi. Good! He’s turned his head around and he’s looking at the view. I get a hold of the butcher knife I took from the kitchen, take it out, hide it behind my back.

“I can’t believe it’s been two months since we…Now all we need is some rain right?”, he says as he looks at the view.

At this point I can barely hear what he’s saying cause my heart’s beating out of my chest!

I slowly walk up to him and stand right behind him. As I hold the knife with my right hand, I put my left hand on his shoulder and he melts. He sighs and tilts his head to caress my hand. “I’ve missed you Jad. I’ve missed you every day”, he says.

I push the knife into his back and he screams. He didn’t see that one coming.

I never thought stabbing someone with a knife could feel so good. The fact that he was a faggot made this all taste even better. I take the knife out of his back and he falls to the ground, screaming. I quickly lie on top of him, hold his right hand down, and slash his throat so that he stops screaming. I then stab him in the heart, in the chest, in his arm. I slash his ugly face without blinking.

He finally stops screaming. He stops resisting. I stab him in the mouth, in the eyes, until he’s unrecognizable.

Who knew it only took 27 seconds to mutilate someone?

It’s over. He’s dead.

Nothing can be heard except the noise of the students in the courtyard. I was happy. This was it. New chapter. New life.

I stand up and look down to see what’s supposed to be Foufou Fadi. That’s what happens to people like him. That’s what happens if I was a gay boy like him. Thank God I’m not like that. Thank God I didn’t end up like that…

I take my blood-soaked shirt off, take out the bottle of water and towel from my bag, and clean myself up. I wear another fresh shirt, put the knife back in the bag and go back to class like nothing happened.