Wednesday, October 28, 2015

I’m not one for life hacks. It just makes things too
complicated. I don’t remember where I left my cup of coffee. I’m not ever going
to remember why I saved all those little twisty things on my bread bags.

Besides, who needs life hacks if they have X-Man?

X-Man was at the playground, cheerily playing in his own
world, oblivious to the children around him. He was playing some game that
involved him climbing up a slide. He would nearly reach the top, before sliding
down in dramatic fashion accompanied by a “Oh
NOOOOOO”. He continued on until a little girl sat herself at the top of the
slide and yelled “MOVE! I’m coming down!”

X-Man was about halfway up the slide and considered his
predicament. The little girl was uninterested in waiting. She yelled “NOW!” at X-Man. Now X-Man gets a look
about him. It’s a look that his preschool teachers have already identified. It
says, I have a plan…it is going to be
awesome….and I will have to run away from mom as soon as I do it. X-Man had
that look. Again.

Looking deliberately at the little girl, who was beginning
to scoot down the slide, X-Man extended his bovine-like tongue and slid down
the slide. Licking it the entire way down.

“EEEWWWW DAD!!!!!” shrieked the little girl and scrambled
quickly off the slide and ran, traumatized to someone to fix the
situation. X-Man chuckled to himself and
began his ascent again.

Unflustered by his germs spread for the enjoyment of
the entire county.

This new found power went straight to his head.
X-Man attempted this bit on me….and my coffee cup. He figured if he licked my
cup, I would surrender it to him immediately. He does not understand my
relationship with coffee. He’s had to settle from drinking the Darth Vader
creamer straight out of the bottle. He’d get away with it better is he didn’t
yell “Yum. Coffee!” after every swig