Burglars wrestled with the wrong house

Originally published July 26, 2014 at 4:02 pm
Updated July 26, 2014 at 8:01 pm

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – JULY 25: Yasiel Puig #66 of the Los Angeles Dodgers stands on third base and celebrates after he hit his third triple of the game in the top of the six inning against the San Francisco Giants at AT&T Park on July 25, 2014 in San Francisco, California. (Photo by Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images) — 477586867

Sideline Chatter

Bet this perp isn’t demanding a rematch.

Cesar Sosa, 22, and a still-at-large buddy made the mistake of trying to burglarize the Phoenix home of former WWE champ Daniel Bryan. The rassler gave chase, with predictable results for the one he caught — a rear naked choke hold — until police arrived.

“Unfortunately, he wasn’t in very good shape,” Bryan told AP. “So, it didn’t take much. They’re actually lucky that I got them instead of Brie, because she probably would have been a little more violent.”

• At TheOnion.com: “Desperate ESPN begs LeBron James to reconsider staying with Heat.”

Lots of duds

False advertising? The Mariners hosted Fireworks Night on the heels of a 2-1 loss Friday — the 12th time in 18 games they’d scored two runs or less.

Sports lingo 101

Some possible new sports terms in the making:

• Yasiel Puig becomes the first Dodger in 113 years to hit three three-baggers in one game: a triple-triple.

• New Texas coach Charlie Strong boots a half-dozen players off the football team in 7½ months: a kick-six.

Pot luck

Ravens RB Ray Rice somehow got off with just a two-game suspension for assaulting his then-fiancee.

“Maybe it’s for the best,” wrote Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com. “If instead of fighting the couple had just mellowed out with a joint, he’d have been suspended at least four games.”

Faint Praise Dept.

“As a society, we must have a very low opinion of our professional athletes,” wrote Bob Molinaro of the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, “judging from the media’s relentless — often cloying — campaign paying tribute to Derek Jeter for doing the right things and carrying himself with dignity. Isn’t that what everyone simply is supposed to do?”

Talko time

• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on the new Levis Stadium: “As a nod to the team’s 49er roots, each restroom will feature a gold-panning sluice. Nuggets can be exchanged for concession items.”

• At Fark.com, after the word “Texas” was misspelled 200 times in the Longhorns’ football media guide: “University promises to never again use team members as proofreaders.”

• Times reader Bill Littlejohn, on a Yankee Stadium suite for Derek Jeter’s final home game carrying a price tag of $244,000: “Why the discount?”

It’s a Brees

Saints QB Drew Brees says he thinks he can play another 10 years, when he’d be 45.

Coincidence? NFC South rivals are suddenly pushing to get Metamucil added to the banned-substances list.