Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Bloody great holes all over Australia.

Q: What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A: A pouch potato!

Q: What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo?
A: A jumprope!

Q: How do sick kangaroos get better?
A: They have a hoperation!

Q: What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
A: Gross

Q: How does a kangaroo win a gold medal?
A: In the long jump.

What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial

Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At ihop!

What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.

How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.

What do drunk kangaroos play?
Hop-scotch

Did you hear about the kangaroo who drowned?
She jumped off the deep end.

What kind of music do kangaroos listen to?
Hip Hop

What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.

What do stylish kangaroos wear?
Jumpsuits!

What's a kangaroos favorite candy?
Lollihops!

What animal jumps when it walks, and sits when it stands?
A Kangaroo.

What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo?
Hop on!

Did you hear about the Kangaroo with glasses?
He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.

Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Yes, because the Empire State Building can't jump!

A mother kangaroo and her baby pass through airport security.
The security guard says, "Sorry ma'am, but you need to take EVERYTHING out of your pocket before you get on the plane."

Religious Australian Cowboy

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover."

Night of Drinking
A man and his pet kangaroo walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my kangaroo."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the kangaroo falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a kangaroo."

Movies
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a kangaroo sitting next to him.
"Are you a kangaroo?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The kangaroo replied, "Well, I liked the book."

How do You?
A student named Jacob was sitting in class one day and the teacher walked by and he asked her "How do you put an elephant in the fridge?"
The teacher said "I don't know, how?"
Jacob then said "You open the door and put it in there!"
Then Jacob asked the teacher another question "How do you put a kangaroo in the fridge?"
The teacher then replied "Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?"
Jacob said "No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there."
Then he asked another question..."All the animals went to the lions birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?"
The teacher a bit confused and said "The lion?"
Then the student said "No,the kangaroo because he's still in the fridge."
then he asked her just one more question...."If there is a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to get across it,how would you"
The teacher then says "You would walk over the bridge."
Then Jacob says "No, you would swim across because all the crocodiles are at the lions birthday party!"
She laughs and walks away.