Anger is a way that the body gets ready
to act. Itís the way that Mother Nature enables us to assert ourselves in
the world. Anger is a normal reaction to stress, but it requires that we
learn to deal with the resulting behavior in an acceptable fashion.

DID YOU KNOW?

When it comes to marital strife, anger may
be gender-specific. In 1990, University of Michigan researchers studied
192 married couples. They found that in households where partners held
back angry feelings, the wives had a higher mortality rate than women in
relationships where anger was openly expressed. For the men, their wivesí
anger had no affect upon their health or longevity.

HEALTHY VS.
UNHEALTHY ANGER

Most children and adults have feelings of
anger from time to time. When anger is expressed in a way that allows us
to share our feelings and our opinions calmly, or when anger is expressed
in a way that helps us to change a situation or to solve a problem, it is
healthy. Anger that is "held in" until the person needs to explode, is
unhealthy anger.

Fighting, verbal abuse, hitting/biting/kicking, or
hurting another person in some way.

Treating Tantrums

No parent wants to have a child throw
dishes or kick the dog when they become angry. Here are some thoughts on
how to help kids express their anger in an acceptable way:

Set a good example. Parents are the most
important teachers for their children. A parent who talks about being
angry and tries to solve problems with words is a powerful model for a
child!

Tell children that anger is healthy, but
the way we show anger is important. Getting upset about being mistreated
by a friend on the playground is one thing, but fighting over a toy is
another.

Do not allow physical or verbal abuse in
the home. Verbal abuse is not useful in expressing anger ("I wish you
were dead."). Physical abuse does not help to change angry feelings
either.

If your child's anger increases beyond an
occasional flare-up, and your talking seems futile, seek help from a
professional.

SIX STRATEGIES FOR
PARENTS TO COOL OFF

Redirect your thoughts. Think about
something pleasant.

Meditate. Relax in a comfortable
position. Focus on your breathing. Inhale...exhale...think of something
peaceful or quiet.

Adopt a pet. Having a pet causes people
to take their mind off their own worries. Research shows that having a
pet can lower blood pressure, too.

Live healthy! Exercise and reduce
caffeine, sugar, and high fat foods.

Help others. Those people who volunteer
in their communities have been found to have better health and feel less
angry than those who do not serve as volunteers.

Be forgiving. People who forgive others
for their negative behaviors can feel less frustrated and angry
themselves.

RISK FACTORS
ASSOCIATED WITH ANGER IN CHILDREN

Stress and frustration can cause children
to become angry. As anger builds up over time, problems can result for
teachers, parents, and for children themselves. Here are some factors that
cause children to feel increases in anger:

Learning problems in school.

Family problems (divorce, illness).

Problems with friends or friendships.

Hyperactivity.

Lack of physical coordination or skills.

ANGER-RELATED CHECKLIST

Here are some anger-related behaviors your
child may be demonstrating:

Over-react to simple requests/events.

Changed mood over long period of time.

Drop in school grades.

Social withdrawal. Loss of friends.

Great changes in sleeping or eating
patterns.

Moody, irritable, discourteous to
others.

Provokes fighting with others.

Loss of interest in physical appearance.

Blames others for their problems.

WHAT'S A PERSON TO
DO?

What can be done when anger rules our life?
Talk to someone. A spouse, another parent, a friend, a minister, or a
trained counselor can help us to put into perspective angry feelings or
behaviors. Sometimes just talking about what makes us angry (parent and
child) can help us to think about solutions to our problems. At other
times, physical exercise helps us to relieve our anger.