Captured US sailors give Iran 5-star TripAdvisor rating

Crew members from two U.S. Navy patrol boats who were detained by Iran after drifting into Iranian waters earlier this week have described the experience as “phenomenal” and say that they’ll definitely go back for a visit.

“I was never made to feel like just a prisoner,” said Lt. Eric Waistmore, 31, who since his release on Wednesday has been encouraging fellow officers to get captured by Iran whenever they get a chance. “We were taken as unwilling guests, but we were released as dear friends.”

“When they first boarded our vessel and pointed guns at my head, I peed myself a wee bit, but once we got on land, [chief interrogator] Ali [Salehi] didn’t make fun of me, he just ordered his aide to bring me dry sweatpants that said ‘Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps Academy’ on the butt,” said Seaman Derek Catorini, 19. “They let me keep them, and that’s called hospitality.”

“Five stars, and that’s just for the food,” said Petty Officer 3rd Class Christine Cobb, 23, who enjoys going out for Persian cuisine when she’s back home in California. “The leisure activities were top-notch, and at the end of our stay, they organized a foosball tournament, us against captured sailors from lesser countries’ navies.”

“They won, seven games to none, but that’s only because they’ve been practicing for years,” she added.

The number of U.S. servicemen drifting into Iranian territorial waters is expected to increase this year, thanks in large part to the former captives’ glowing TripAdvisor reviews of the Farsi Island naval base detention facilities, as well as increasing dissatisfaction among American sailors with Navy dining and entertainment options.