A person with a pay cheque mentality focuses on increasing their income in order to increase their wealth.

The Net Worth mentality.

A person with a net worth mentality also seeks to

Boost or increase their income,

But also build their wealth through

Saving

Investing

Even though the second path seems like the obvious path to take, unfortunately, many people are stuck in a pay cheque mentality.

So, when it comes to wealth, it is not

What you say

What you do

Where you are from

The nature of your work

The size of your salary

Rather, it is a product of your pre disposed MIND SET

Although there is a definite relationship between income and wealth, they are very separate and distinct economic measures.

Income is how much money you earn in a given period of time.

If you earn a million in a year and spend it all, you add nothing to your wealth. You’re just living lavishly.

Those who focus only on net income as a measure of economic success are ignoring the most important measuring stick of financial independence.

It’s not how much you make, it is how much you keep.”

Wealth building mentality however isn’t just to make more money, but to keep more of it to create long-lasting assets and security for yourself and family.

HOW TO CREATE A WEALTH MENTALITY

Focus on net worth

Net worth is the underlying motivation of all wealth builders. It is the foundational measure by which all millionaires, billionaires, and the soon to join their ranks think. But don’t get confused by the movie start lifestyle so forcefully depicted in reality T.V. shows and movies. Those lifestyles are far and few between and usually end somewhere between drug addiction and bankruptcy. Therefore, if you wish to become wealthy in anything, your focus should be on surplus and the net value of that surplus.

Have Specific Goals

Having a goal is not enough. A specific goal with a specific blueprint is required for wealth mentality. A goal in itself without ACTION never guarantees success Action is the single characteristic that EVERY self-made success displays. Every other attribute is debatable…but not action. Action is the main vehicle that everyone taking the wealth mentality express is riding in. Your starting point is your current place in time…where you are right now. Your specific goal is the destination you wish to arrive at and action is everything between those two points. Without these three ingredients you don’t have a recipe for success or for wealth mentality. Thus, the reason for having a SPECIFIC goal is because the depth and detail of that goal will determine the type and amount of ACTION you will take when you remind yourself of that goal.

Have a Definite Purpose

Question: – Is your work your purpose?

Ask yourself, is your current method of earning wealth your purpose? Do you feel like you were meant to do what you are doing right now? If not, then you need to find that definite purpose and focus 100% on whatever it is because only when you have found this single, definite purpose will you be able to pour your heart and your strength into that area. Sadly, not too many people can answer this question – because many people never stop and ask themselves what it is that truly makes them happy. Without this self-exploration, it’s impossible to truly know what can makes you happy and when you aren’t sure about what makes you happy, you will surely have difficulty in knowing what your purpose is.

Make Your Destiny

Never believe that you are predetermined for something. Remember that you are in control of pretty much everything that happens in your life that is not considered an “act of God”. Although there are instances in life that are completely out of your control but when it comes to being the architect of your long-term life print, you and ONLY YOU, will be able to direct energy to that path.

Most people are THERMOMETERS. They react to life and everything that life throws at them. You can tell if they are having a good day just by looking at their face because they give in to the reality that surrounds them. But people with wealth mentality are THERMOSTATS. They set the temperature of life and they construct their own futures for success. While few people exhibit this mind set, most who do are either very successful or on their way to success in whatever area they choose to direct their energy and efforts.

Measure Your Progress

We all love the feeling associated with starting, working at, and completing a certain task. The feeling of accomplishment is a powerful motivator for even the least goal oriented individual. It may seem a silly thought at first, but teaching yourself to feel this accomplishment has two very basic, yet very important results. First, you can use this sense of accomplishment to measure the overall productivity of your day. If you have a checklist of certain tasks (which you should), then checking them off as you complete them should give you a quantitative way to measure the productivity of your day. Second, you will be able to let that feeling of accomplishment compound and build more positivity in your life. Our average day is bombarded with negativity from every type of media or common interaction which can sometimes stifle your creativity and motivation. By continually teaching yourself to feel positive and excitement after successful completion of your tasks, you will offset any negativity you may come across.

Be deadline Driven

Pressure can sometimes be your best ally. Allowing yourself to be placed in certain situations of pressure can develop valuable skills, abilities and character that you could never develop otherwise. For instance, the high amounts of pressure exerted on carbon-bearing materials creates the ultra-valuable diamond. Procrastination is the killer of dreams and any goal without a sense of urgency will rarely be accomplished. The easiest way to avoid any type of procrastination is to formulate a definite deadline for your task or goal. Stick to it with an emphasis on finishing the task EARLY. It’s important to emphasize finishing early so the thought of procrastination never beats your motivation. One simple way to do this is to give yourself a reward for finishing the highest priority task in a given day.

Work Hard

There is no substitute for hard work in developing Wealth Mentality.

What is WORK? Work builds things. It is definite progression towards a specific goal with a deadline for accomplishing that goal. Work has a high probability of generating wealth, in this case monetary wealth. Before you perform a task, ask yourself this simple question – “Is this WORK”?

Is checking your email work?

Is taking that client out to lunch work?

Is researching that new iPod or gadget to be released work?

For most people, it you take note of your daily activities, you will be amazed when you review your results only to see that the vast majority of your “work day” was not spent working. There is one more way to “work” your way to wealth. It’s a secret that a seldom few people ever think about or explore. It’s the concept of leverage, and it is the most efficient way to work your way to wealth.

LEVERAGE IS THAT YOUR WORK MUST BE DIRECTED TOWARDS BUILDING SOMETHING THAT HAS VALUE, WHETHER THAT BE A SERVICE OR A PRODUCT.

The question is what you are building, is it for you or for someone else’s services or products.

Play Hard

What good is having an abundance of wealth if it doesn’t allow you to have an excess of finances as well as your most important asset…time? The basic concept of wealth is that there is an abundance of some sort. Monetary wealth is obviously the abundance of money, but wealth comes in many forms. The most valuable form of wealth comes in the abundance of free-time. This sort of wealth is usually built through various methods of leverage. No surprise most wealthy people have stocks, bonds and other assets that provide leverage for them to have free time to play hard. Obviously, free-time is paramount to our happiness as individuals.

Just like many things in nature, there is a delicate balance between hard work and hard play that we must maintain if we wish to take hold of the wealth mentality. Too much work, and we become less efficient in our goals and progression. Too much play, and we lose sight of our goals and fall into the traps of procrastination and other motivation-busting emotions. The key is balance and efficiency.

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A healthy habit is any behaviour that benefits your physical, mental, and emotional health and ultimately, you are what you eat. Your diet combined with physical activity can help you to reach and maintain a healthy weight, reduce your risk of chronic diseases like heart disease and cancer and promote your overall health. These habits improve your overall well-being and make you feel good. Healthy habits are hard to develop and often require changing your mindset but the impact can be far-reaching, regardless of your age, sex, or physical ability. You won’t change your mindset and behaviour overnight, so be patient and take it one day at a time.

These include:

Balanced diet

Regular exercise

Good night sleep

Regular medical check-up

Lots of water intake

Benefits of a Healthy Lifestyle

CONTROLS WEIGHT

Eating right and exercising regularly can help you avoid excess weight gain and maintain a healthy weight. Even if you’re not trying to lose weight, regular exercise can improve cardiovascular health, boost your immune system, and increase your energy level.

Easy examples:

Plan for moderate physical activity every week by adopting simple ways to increase activity throughout the day like walking instead of driving, take the stairs instead of the elevator, and pacing while you are talking on the phone.

Eating a balanced, calorie managed diet can also help control weight like starting the day with a healthy breakfast would save you running to get fast food before lunch. In fact, skipping breakfast can raise your blood sugar, which increases fat storage.

2. IMPROVES MOOD

Doing right by your body pays off for your mind as well as physical activity stimulates the production of endorphins, the brain chemicals that leave you feeling happier and more relaxed. Eating a healthy diet as well as exercising can lead to a better physique which will boost your confidence and self-esteem, decrease stress and improved cognitive function.

Making social connections is another healthy habit that leads to better mental health. Don’t isolate yourself. Spend time with family or friends on a regular basis and if there is physical distance between you and loved ones, use technology to stay connected.

COMBATS DISEASES

Healthy habits help prevent certain health conditions, such as heart disease, stroke, and high blood pressure. If you take care of yourself, you can keep your cholesterol and blood pressure within a safe range. This keeps your blood flowing smoothly, decreasing your risk of cardiovascular diseases. Regular physical activity and proper diet can also prevent or help you manage a wide range of health problems, including:

When you eat a balanced diet your body receives the fuel it needs to manage your energy level while regular physical exercise improves muscle strength and boosts endurance, giving you more energy and helps you fall asleep faster and get deeper sleep.

IMPROVES LONGEVITY

When you practice healthy habits, you boost your chances of a longer life. The American Council on Exercise reported on an eight-year study of 13,000 people. The study showed that those who walked just 30 minutes each day significantly reduced their chances of dying prematurely.

THE BEST AND WORST FOOD A MAN CAN EAT

GROUP A – Eat as often as you like

Bananas – (Eat as often as you like)

Bananas help to restore the potassium that drunken, dehydrated cells need to fight a hangover. It is called the morning-after fruit.

Citrus – (Eat as often as you like)

Eat oranges and grapefruits, and someday your knees and elbows will thank you. Rich in Vitamin C and appear to lower the risk of some degenerative joint conditions.

High Fibre Cereals – (Eat as often as you like)

Studies show that guys who eat bran cereal frequently are happier, more alert, and have greater energy levels than guys who don’t. Oatmeal is just as powerful, drastically increasing the supply of fuel to working muscles.

Tomatoes – (Eat as often as like)

Tomatoes are one of the best vegetables you can eat. It comes with 35 calories and 40 percent of your daily vitamin C apiece plus loads of cancer-fighting lycopene in every bite

Chicken – (eat as often as you like)

Chicken is one of the best muscle foods on legs. At 27 g of protein per skin-and-boneless 3-oz breast,

Spinach – (Eat as often as you like)

The iron in spinach is spackle for your sinew, helping to rebuild the muscle tissue that strength training tears down.

Apples – (Eat as often as you like)

An apple a day could keep a hacking cough away. Studies show that apples help to counteract damage from inhaled cigarette smoke.

Turkey – (Eat as often as you like)

Turkey helps to recover lost zinc from weeing after a lot of alcoholic consumption. Loss of zinc causes testosterone levels to plunge.

Berries – (Eat as often as you like)

The compounds in fresh berries work like Drano, inhibiting the build-up of “bad” LDL cholesterol in your pipes.

Fish – (Eat as often as you like)

Make it your goal to eat broiled or baked fish at least once weekly. Compared to once-monthly fish eaters, you’ll be 28% less likely to suffer an irregular heartbeat.Broccoli – (Eat as often as you like)
Every stalk of crunchy green broccoli contains hundreds of compounds called indoles and the isothiocyanates-the nutritional equivalent of Teflon against illness and disease.

Beans – (Eat as often as you like)

The “un-song hero” of food. Beans are the rich supplier of antioxidants that help to keep you from ageing. Although all beans are good, black beans are the most potent antioxidant source.

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Chances are you get your car tuned regularly, never skip an oil change, and keep it buffed and polished till it sparkles.

But are you taking such good care of yourself?

Our busy lives and work schedules often prevent us from seeking routine preventive medical care. But preventive medicine is cost-effective and reduces the risk of illness and disease. A stitch in time saves NINE. More than half of the men in the United States have not been to see a doctor in the past year and 55% of men admit that they are reluctant to visit the doctor. Hence, men tend to die earlier than women and are more likely to die from eight out of the ten top causes of death than women – when most of them are curable if detected early.

Reasons why men don’t visit the doctor on a regular basis.

One reason is that going to the doctor is just too inconvenient.

Another reason is that we’ve been socialised since childhood to believe that being a man means sucking it up when you have an illness or injury. Going to the doctor for some men means admitting that you’re weak and defeated, and, thus, unmanly.

Men view the doctor as someone we only visit when something’s wrong with us. We don’t see going to the doctor as a way to prevent health problems before they start.

Finally, some men are nervous about going to the doctor because they are afraid the doctor may find something wrong. But while being diagnosed with something wrong isn’t very fun, it’s still better than dying from lack or late diagnosis

4 Reasons to Get Regular Physical Medical Check-up

Prevent health problems.

Medicine is not just geared towards treating health problems, it is also to prevent them. More and more doctors are focusing on preventing their patients’ health problems before they start. By getting a regular exam, you can nip your health problems in the bud.

If your doctor spots a funky looking mole, it can be removed before you have problems with skin cancer.

If he notices that your blood pressure is too high, he can suggest a diet and fitness plan to help reduce it before you have a heart attack.

If your family has a history of certain diseases or health problems, your doctor can give you guidance on how you can reduce your risk of suffering those ailments.

Save money.

If a doctor can nip a problem in the bud before it gets serious, you’ll save a lot of money on medical bills down the road – especially if you are responsible for your medical bills.

Establish baselines.

Getting a physical medical examination will

Establish baselines for things like your weight, blood pressure, and cholesterol and help your doctor gauge your health’s subsequent progression or regression and advise you on steps to take to correct the anomalies

Develop a relationship with your doctor.

Because men don’t see the doctor regularly, we often don’t have a doctor with whom we’ve developed a trusting relationship. But having a doctor that you can trust can ensure that you get the best care possible.

How Often Should You Get a Physical Medical Examination?

If you’re in your 2o’s… every five years.

If you’re in your 30’s… every three years.

If you’re in your 40’s… every two years.

50 and above, every year

The 10 tests you can do at home

The Men’s Health Forum recommends the following checks which can indicate a possible problem but if you are worried see your GP.

Tummy

If your waist is more than 37 inches you’re getting into the obese range and risking heart disease and diabetes. Reduce risk by weight loss and exercise; even a brisk 15-minute daily walk will help.

Testicles

Examine your testicles once a month for lumps or changes. If you notice any visit your GP. This is the most common cancer among men between 20 and 35 but any age can fall foul. It’s curable in more than 90 per cent of cases if caught early.

Behaviour

Look at your behaviour honestly. Are you drinking too much, have a short fuse, think about suicide? Depression is grossly under-diagnosed among men because it’s difficult to talk about. Visit your GP or talk to the Samaritans.

Nails

If your nails are very pale under the beds (they should be pink) and the creases in your hands are pale, you may be anaemic. Sufferers tend to be pale and lethargic. It can be a sign of something more serious, such as cancer of the bowel, stomach or blood.

Diabetes awareness

Diabetes, a lack of insulin, prevents the body metabolising sugars and can have serious complications, including kidney failure, blindness, heart disease and amputations. A combination of increased thirst, tiredness, thrush infections and weight gain, see your GP.

Moles

Check your moles and report any changes in size or shape including bleeding, crusting, itching or inflammation. Melanoma accounts for three out of four deaths from the skin disease and has doubled over the last 15 years.

Waterworks

Monitor visits to the loo at night and any trouble passing water or blood in the urine. This may be a sign of an enlarged prostate. Prostate cancer can be detected with simple tests, yet claims the lives of 10,000 men a year, mostly the over 45s.

Penis

Look for discharge, discolouration or small growths. Sexually-transmitted diseases are increasing, including hepatitis, HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhoea and syphilis.

Bowels

Look for changes in your bowel habits. If you have constipation, then diarrhoea and/or blood in your stools see your GP. The symptoms can indicate a disease such as piles, colitis, Crohn’s or bowel cancer – the third most common cancer in men.

Blood pressure

Have your blood pressure checked every three years if under 40, then annually. Hypertension (high blood pressure) is the main cause of heart disease. Symptoms include tunnel vision and blood in your urine. Men can mistake cardiac pain for indigestion. If indigestion remedies don’t work or the pain appears with exercise or you feel sick, it could be your heart.

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“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw

When was the last time you played just for playing sake?

For most people, the answer to that question will be “not since I was a little child”. Adults around the world are flocking to the playgrounds of their childhoods in search of relaxation and release. Not surprisingly, an entire cottage industry has subsequently sprouted up to help them satiate their inner child.

In Brooklyn, an adult preschoollets office workers and executives participate in arts and crafts, and re-enact schoolyard favourites like “show and tell.”

In the United Kingdom, a design studio opened a ball pitjust for grown-ups

While laughter clubsin India offer a form of both spiritual and physical exercise for disgruntled citizens.

Research has shown that people of all ages benefit from unstructured play time as a respite from the grind of daily life. Play can relieve stress, boost creativity, improve brain function, and improve our relationships with other people by fostering trust with others and a lack of play time is seen as a major health obstacle for children and adult. Playing is on the decline and that has negative consequences for kids and adults alike. For instance, since about 1955, children’s free play has been in continuous decline, partly because adults have exerted ever-increasing control over children’s activities, and over the same period that play has declined, the mental health of children and adolescents has also declined. So, by abandoning play, we’re abandoning an important part of ourselves. Play isn’t just important for kids, it’s beneficial to our society. It’s time for adults to take it seriously, both for their sake and for their children.

There are three main characteristics that must be met:

It’s voluntary in the sense that you’re not obligated to do it.

It’s flexible and can be changed or manipulated, like Play-Doh for your life.

It is enjoyable and fun.

When you think about it, there’s not enough of enjoyment and joy in our lives these days because:

It’s a problem of our modern, work-obsessed society:

We’ve lost play in the hustle and bustle of our lives.

We spend our time between our jobs, our kids, being on Twitter and Facebook to catch the current trends.

Why is play so important for childhood development?

First, play doesn’t have consequences in the same way that real life does:

When we want to blow off steam, this is the way we do it without having trouble.

Play is how children explore the world around them and themselves.

It helps give children the capacity to make decisions, to solve problems, to build and experiment and transform.

More generally, for both children and adults, it really gives us a chance to build our imagination.

It is during playing that the fantastic becomes real, the real becomes fantastic and we can try out a new hypothesis without consequence.

This one thing that we’ve lost in our society is the understanding that exploration, understanding, and creative thinking is what got us to where we are, that’s how we invented the car and the air plane. It’s because we had people who weren’t afraid to try out ideas and fail along the way and have the grit to stick with it — and learning that comes from play.

Does this change as we get older?

Play matters, no matter how old you are. The only thing that has changed is the stigma. We associate play with childhood, and therefore associate playing with childishness. Think about the world we live in, you’re supposed to answer your emails within 30 seconds, or you’re considered negligent. If somebody asks “How are you?” the appropriate answer is “busy.” It also doesn’t help that we basically have a sedentary nation. Some say sitting is the new cancer. We’re not an active nation anymore. People do better when they’re acting and moving rather than just sitting and staring. A lot of play has become centred on screens. Technology has taken over a lot of our loose attention. It is part of the sitting phenomenon, we are constantly facing a screen.

The Benefits of Play for Adults

By giving yourself permission to play with the joyful abandonment of childhood, you can reap the myriad of health benefits throughout life such as:

Relieve stress

Improve brain function

Stimulate the mind and boost creativity

Improve relationships and your connection to others.

Keep you feeling young and energetic

“THE DEFINITION OF ADULT DOES NOT STATE YOU CANNOT PLAY ANYMORE, AND THE DEFINITION OF PLAY DOES NOT STATE IT IS ONLY FOR CHILDREN.”

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“For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.”

Work is the master key to open the hidden wealth of your potential which is the greatest task and the most pressing need of your life. You are capable of more than you think or believe and more than others expect of you. If all your monthly effort ends in a monthly report that you don’t even know where it goes or ended up, you have a job, you are not working or investing.

JOB – A paid position of regular employment.

WORK – Activity involving mental and physical effort done in order to achieve a result, purpose or destiny.

There are 3 types of work, Physical work, Spiritual work and Intellectual or Mental work which is the most important type of work because it is the avenue to bring something new to life and it helps you to understand the spiritual work. The first thing God gave to MAN after blessing them was WORK. Genesis 1:28 “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.”

Be fruitful

Multiply

Replenish the earth

Subdue the earth

Have dominion over everything in it

God gave the garden to man to till, keep and maintain = WORK. In order words, do something about your immediate environment or position; add value to it and make it what you want. “Change the status quo.”

The first land that you have to till, keep and maintain is your life. There is something still hidden or buried in it and only you can expose or bring it to life WORK ON IT. Till the ground of your life, cultivate the ground of your life, develop the ground of your life and nurture your ground. Your net worth is a direct response to how much work you are able to do on yourself which equates to how much value you are able to add to yourself and the way to make yourself indispensable and extraordinary is by adding value to yourself through WORK. The love of work is the secret to personal progress, productivity, and fulfilment. No one is ever paid per hour; everybody is paid based on the value they bring to the hour!

Purpose of Work

God wants us to be good workers, not good job keepers because it is His tool to make us productive and fruitful and God is more concerned with the use of the skills and talents He gave us than He is with our financial wealth or job title. We must work to reveal the invisible possibilities that exist in us. God worked through His spoken word to make the invincible visible, work is God’s gift to help people discover their potentials and until you start doing something to discover what you can be, you will miss the blessings inherent in work. In the absence of work;

strength and energy waste away,

dreams and visions wither and die,

God-given skills and talents degenerate,

Productivity wanes.

Laziness aborts potential and sacrifices possibilities.

Benefits of Work

Provision for physical needs,

Builds self-esteem,

Teaches the discovery and use of talents, skills, and abilities which are far more important than the acquisition of money,

Develops in us an attitude that sees a challenge as a reason for rejoicing because it holds the possibility for success,

Offers the opportunity to transform dreams into reality

Multiplies resources,

Work is a blessing to others as it enables us to give generously of what we have and who we are.

How to work hard & work smart

The workplace philosophy, experts and gurus will say – “Work smart don’t work hard” and we have all bought into this ideology and everybody is looking for ways to work smart and not work hard. The solutions they are offering to accomplish this theory are things like:

Prioritise your tasks

Be a good time keeper

Have clear objectives

Have a to do list

Apply the 3Ds – Deal with it, Delegate it, Delete it!

These are all great ideas and practices but they will not in themselves either singularly or collectively make you work smarter. They may help you get the JOB done, but never make you work smarter because these ideas do not recognise the difference between JOB & WORK. You cannot work smarter and not harder or harder and not smarter. They go together because they both relate to YOU, not the JOB. In fact, in order to work smarter, you have to first work harder – “Intellectual work”

So, in other to work Harder & Smarter:

Fall in love with the work

The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary. Work is not a course, it is a blessing from God to help you maximise your life because through work you can:

* Maximise your time

* Convert your time

* Discover yourself

* Unveil the hidden treasures of the earth and in you

Always do your best in everything you do.

Anything that is worth doing; is worth doing well.

Until you commit all (100%) to anything, you will not get a full result.

Anything that is “nearly done” is not done well and will not yield a lasting or fulfilling result.

Remember:

– When you do a good job, you don’t get any reward

– When you do a great job, you get a good reward

– When you do an excellent job, you get a great reward

– When you do an outstanding job, you get an excellent reward

– When you do an extraordinary job, you get an outstanding reward

Don’t compare yourself with or by other people’s standard.

Your yardstick of excellence is God’s standard and the standard that you have set for yourself. Success will always demand from you more than you are willing to give and life will not give you what you want or demand, it will only give you what you contend for. Run the race that is set before you, everyone will have to give account for his race.

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Figuring out what it means to be a man can be tough especially tougher for men today because,

Men are often more socially isolated; they don’t have as many friends.

Men don’t have strong relationships with their fathers and other male relatives.

The epidemic of fatherlessness or absentee fathers

Unfortunately, two generations of men went without mentors growing up. So, without good examples of men to emulate, young men often get a bit lost leading to poor perform in school or getting involved in crime. It’s therefore more important than ever for every man to seek out mentors to help him navigate the complicated waters of manliness and life. So having a mentor is quite important. The tricky part is, how do you find one? Here’s a suggested road map.

Determine what sort of mentor you’re looking for. We all have different facets of our lives. Work, school, spirituality, family, etc. Ask yourself what area of your life needs improvement and could benefit from a mentor. Even if you’re just looking for a mentor to help you be an all-around better man.

Draw up a list of three men that you’d like to mentor you. Think of all the men you know that you’ve always looked up to or admired and wish you had a better relationship with. If you’re looking for a mentor to help you be an overall better man, simply think of the men you know and admire. Also, don’t stick with men that are exactly like you. If two people are the same, one of them is irrelevant. One of the benefits of a mentor is that they can help expand your point of view.

Write down how each mentor could help you grow as a man. Think of the traits each man has that you wish to learn. Do some research on them. Do they come from a similar background as you, have unique experiences that can broaden your conception and understanding of success in a particular area of your life, have they had any setbacks similar to yours? What is it exactly about this person that makes you want him to be your mentor?

Figure out what you expect from the mentor relationship. Before you ask someone to be your mentor, you need to know what he should expect from the relationship. How often would you like to meet with him? How do you want the mentoring to take place? A discussion over lunch? Email? A monthly phone call? When you’re deciding this, take into account the men you’re asking to be your mentor and what will work for them.

Ask the first man on your list. After you’ve done all your prep work, it’s time to ask. Call, email, or a write a letter to do the asking depending on each person. Tell your prospective mentor that you’re looking for a mentor in a specific area of your life and that you think he’d be a good one and tell him why. People love to be praised!

Expect rejection. Don’t’ get discouraged and don’t take it personally if people say no. People are busy these days, and they just might not have time to be a mentor. If the first man says no, go on to the second.

Say “thank you.” No matter if you get a no or a yes, be sure to thank the person. Mentoring is a privilege and not a right.

Become a Mentor too!

Just as you need man mentors, so too do other men. No one needs guidance in the art of manliness more than boys and young men, who are trying to figure how to become worthy men. Every man should make mentoring a part of his life.

Here are just a few ways to do that:

Become a Scout leader. Boy Scout troops always need volunteers who are eager to make a difference in boys’ lives.

2. Become a Big Brother. A lot of young men out there are growing up without a positive father figure in their lives. Be the man these boys can turn to and emulate as they grow up.

3. Volunteer with your church’s youth group. Lucky is the young man can find a man who is both an older friend and a spiritual mentor.

4. Get to know your kids’ friends. I guess some kids try to hide from adults, but if they’re game, it’s okay to hang out with them from time to time. Take your son and his friends fishing or hunting.

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Listening is something we have to learn to do because it is a learned skill. There is a significant difference between hearing and listening.

Hearing is a biological function, and like breathing or blinking it happens whether you are consciously telling yourself to do it or not. Listening, on the other hand, is a mental process. It requires thought, effort, and practice.

Listening is the process of receiving, attending to, and assigning meaning to oral and visual stimuli.”

We’ve all had that moment where, after turning through several pages of a novel, we suddenly realize we haven’t the faintest idea of what we just supposedly read. We saw the words on the pages, but we didn’t actually take the time to process them mentally. In other words, there is a difference between seeing and reading. Seeing happens as long as your eyes are open and you have a gift of vision. It is a passive biological process. But reading requires you to exert some brainpower. It is an active process of making meaning.

Listening in Perspective.

Listening is the most frequently used and invaluable skill we could possibly have for our personal and professional lives. You might be surprised how much we are required to listen in the course of an average day. Yet, unlike many of the other essential skills in our lives that we have learned through some combination of schooling and experience, very little time has been devoted to training us as listeners.

Most of us probably received a minimum of 12 years of instruction on how to write well, yet it is a skill that is only used in approximately 9% of the average person’s daily communication.

Reading often receives between six and eight years of formal instruction, yet it only accounts for 16% of our communication.

Speaking receives a paltry one year of attention, perhaps two years if we’re lucky, and it is only 30% of our communication.

Listening, however, often receives less than a half-year of formal training, yet it makes up 45% of our daily communication.

These statistics above highlight a grave oversight in our education that, with a little effort, can be improved and yield tremendous and immediate results for us. There are three levels of listening we have to choose from during any given interaction. Defining each level is the first step in understanding how to improve our habits.

Level 1: Hearing Words

This is everybody’s default level – the misconception that we are listening! This level puts us in the uncomfortable position of misunderstanding a message where you jump to conclusions, or unable to recall the message within moments of it being said.

Sometimes we are vaguely aware that we are to blame, yet other times we try to pass the blame on to the speaker, claiming that he or she was not interesting or engaging. The most alarming thing about this level of listening is that we are emotionally and mentally detached from the speaker.

Level 2: Listening in Spurts

In this category, we are listening but just!!! You are aware to some degree that you are listening poorly and you know that concentration on the message is important, so you may be able to tune in temporarily, but only hear in “spurts” because you lack the required training. In this type of listening, you are always looking for the next opportunity to jump in and speak rather than actually attending to the message of the other person.

Level 3: Empathetic Listening

This is the real deal. This is proper listening where you set aside internal and external distractions so as to listen without judgment or interruption where you are emotionally and mentally invested and provide verbal and nonverbal feedback to the speaker. Empathetic communication is like a partnership, and both individuals must play their role.