Up! Up! And, You're Gay?

By Michael Fitzgerald Troy

Hot on the high heels of the half a$$ed endorsement of same-sex marriage by President Obama, prematurely forced by Vice President Joe Biden's honest, humble opinion on the matter...half a$$ed? Well, he endorses same-sex marriage but believes it should be a state and NOT a federal decision? Women should no longer be able to vote in Iowa, while you're at it.

Desperately jumping on the pop culture band wagon, Marvel announces the same-sex marriage of long-suffering homosexual and Canadian mutant Northstar to his unrealistic in the real gay world boyfriend Kyle. Ironically, Northstar came out years ago, grabbing many a headline only to go back to being as sexless as a Ken Doll for years.

DC Comics has desperately, if not typically, retaliated by announcing that one of their major players would soon be playing for the other team by coming out of the closet, apparently for no reason other than hype. This is a really bad idea. And, here is why.

When DC made a big stink about the new Batwoman being a big lesbo, it was different. This was not a pre-existing character. You were introduced to her as a lesbian and chose to like her based on her portrayal and not the fact that she is a scissor sister.

It is now being rumored that it will be Superman to come out. Why not? They gave him a mullet once, and I believe this to be a far better fate. Not to mention I always suspected Lois had a bigger sac than Clark. (Clearly, Teri Hatcher had Dean Cain by more than the cape.). I fell in love with Superman when I was 8, and I didn't even know what being gay was or even cared. I thought all 8-year-olds had Farrah Fawcett dolls!

If Superman comes out, it will have a negative backlash. The people who adore him and say he is all American will be p.o.'d, and it will focus negative energy on homosexuality. Whoops, you did it again, Didio. What is this, the DC New 69?

Fret not, kiddies, when the dust settles from the bru ha ha of this latest publicity stunt, it will all return to status quo and everyone will go back to being straight as God and Baby Jesus intended. You don't believe me? Does Supes still have his mullet?

For the record, I don't think it's going to be Wonder Woman; that would be as earth shattering as when Rosie O'Donnell came out.

Michael Troy is a deeply superficial person. Born in the midwest in the '70s, Michael came to Los Angeles to pursue his bi-polar career path as an actor and artist. 2005 saw the release of Michael's first published book, Homo-Hero's Big Book of Fun and Adventure (www.greencandypress.com). Michael has contributed to the Lady Gaga comic book from Bluewater Productions and has his hand in various other upcoming projects. Michael has performed stand-up comedy at all of the major comedy clubs in Los Angeles and is making his triumphant return to the main stage of The Comedy Store in September. Michael offers an off-beat sense of humor as the star of such youtube cult classics As The Gays on Film (www.youtube.com/fullfrontaltv), A Minute With Margot, a loving tribute to Superman legend Margot Kidder (http://www.youtube.com/user/rktcommander), and currently hosts a vlog style series Lethally Blonde over at www.monsterburg.com. Sitting alongside industry heavyweight Phil Jimenez at the "Divas and Lassoes" panel for the 2010 San Diego comic-con, Michael maintains and cherishes his "underground" status. A staunch believer in Blonde Ambition, Michael hopes his new comic about shallow blonde super heroes in Los Angeles, The Blonde Squad, will set the world on fire (or at least brighten it a bit). Check out Michael Troy and Lethally Blonde updates here!!!