Words by Tish Newton

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One thing you’ll learn about me is I’m passionate about child abuse. Very few things annoy me more than how normalized child abuse (physically, emotionally and sexual) is in the Black community. A problem that seems to stretch across race and class lines is child murderers who are in relationships with the mother of their victims. I can never understand what would possess a grown man to punch or choke a defenseless child. I know some stellar stepfathers who bonded with their significant other’s child(ren) and took on the role of father figure, so it just boggles me. There’s the theory that men lack maternal instincts and have a harder time bonding with kids that don’t share their DNA. That’s possible but it’s too broad of a generalization. There’s even been people who said the kid is a constant reminder that their SO has engaged in unprotected coitus prior to their relationship. C’mon, how up your own ass do you have to be to think like that? Whatever the reason, do not fight a child like that! What in the blue fuck could a 2 year old do to make your ball your fists and punch he or she repeatedly? Not a gotdamn thing! If you don’t like kids or you don’t have the patience to deal, DON’T FUCK WITH CHICKS WHO HAVE KIDS!! How simple is that?!?

No little girl says, “I want to be a baby momma when I grow up.” The relentless shaming of single mothers created this need to have a nuclear family, by any means necessary. Having a child out of wedlock, in some circles, is the worst thing you could possibly do. There have been loveless shotgun marriages since the beginning of time just to keep up appearances. Some of these women just want a family or to play house. There’s nothing wrong with being a single mother. The same people talking shit about your child out of wedlock would’ve called you a murdered for getting abortion. We live in a sexist ass society! Desperation makes people throw caution to wind anyway. Do you really think anytime is taken to be selective? I’ve witnessed all types of trife life from moms when it came to their man. From cooking gourmet meals for the boyfriend while their kids had the sodium bomb that is ramen noodles to letting their boyfriends punch their little boys in attempt to “harden” them. Sick, sad world.

Now even though, a weak woman’s desperation may have set the stage, the primary blame is on any grown ass man who fights a little kid. Bitchassness to the max and beyond. It’s real easy to steal on a toddler because said baby can’t fight back. Guys, if your girlfriends kid is angering you to that level, walk the fuck away and never come back. It’s a matter of life and death. There’s NOTHING a toddler can do that bad, a toddler can barely articulate their thoughts! If you have put your hands on your girlfriend’s child and you read this blog, do us all a favor and go die in a fire. The Earth is a better place without scum like you.

This can’t be stressed enough: EVERYONE YOU DATE IS NOT WORTHY OF MEETING YOUR CHILDREN! They have to really prove themselves to you. Also, boyfriend =/= babysitter. Don’t leave your kids with your boyfriend just because your nose is open. Remember that scene in Baby Boy when Rodney kicked over JoJo’s fort, shit. like. that. happens. for. real. There’s nothing wrong with being protective of your kids. Even wild animals protect their young! If dude is hard pressed to be alone with your kids, red flag city.

Please be selective. Please be cautious. Please be protective. Even if you never planned to be a single mom, just be the best one you can be. You are not a part of any problem because you chose motherhood. Your kid’s welfare trumps appearances any day.

Please be honest, if you have no interest in her kids. If she insists that it doesn’t matter and want to be with you anyway (and I’ve seen this for myself), just go. The kids are a package deal, even when they’re adults…they’ll still be in her life. Please control your temper, these are little kids…not another grown man on the streets. Listen to me, if you don’t have the patience or interest in children that aren’t yours, move on. Like I said before, it’s a matter of life and death.

My heart goes out to the Peterson family and everyone else who has had to experience such senseless tragedy.