In our 181st ever Rum Doings, our topic is, is it really fair to have all the excitement of the Oscars during London Fashion Week?

We begin with a live technical testing of the broadcast systems, as Nick attempts to break the podcast from the off. Then we move on to being a bit disappointed with Jack Straw, the perils of interviewing games developers, and the spectacular collapse of the Daily Telegraph.

We muse on hypocrisy, analyse the Telegraph’s remarkable editorial, and then regale John’s miserable experience of calling 111.

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Instead we talk about scuppering podcasts, babies on planes, and John correctly points out how average is Frozen. We learn about Nick’s daughter’s racism, and ponder the results of the upcoming election, and then Nick starts crackling.

Yup, sorry again, but Nick is a TERRIBLE PERSON. Even worse, he moves things on to videogames. Fortunately we move on, and discuss how utterly awful are the cartoon strips in Private Eye, which leads us to our favourite topic of User Friendly. And John’s version. Toby briefly invades, as our episode 180 special guest, before we return to being rude about a cartoon.

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In our 179th ever Rum Doings, our topic is, isn’t it about time we did something about that pesky Boko Haram?

We begin with cat leg news, then move on to some discussion about the peculiarities of the Sun’s page 3. (Recorded yesterday, before boobies reappeared this morning.) We mention the popularity of John’s willy, and Nick gives his argument in favour of objectification, before we drift our way to discussing the conclusion of Cabin Pressure.

John explains what he likes least about his 12 week old son, we ponder holidays to Yorkshire, and John’s teenage climbing habits, and then we conclude with information about Emanuel Swedenborg Day.

Don’t forget Thomas Aquinas Day has been cancelled, due to his having been a massive anti-Semite. So we’ve moved it to the 29th January, recognising Emanuel Swedenborg Day, master scientist turned loopy theologian. Please remember to book this day off work. Listen to this episode for more details.

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In our 178th ever Rum Doings, our topic is, isn’t it about time we acknowledged the “women in the workplace” experiment should come to an end.

We begin with rememberings of our first go on the internet, and then inevitably move on to the Charlie Hebdo story. Nick gives a short lecture on the nature of problematic religions, interrupted by a problematic wife, before we undo the nonsense of the argument that satire must only “punch up”.

We talk irony and the science of Mornington Crescent, and then John rants about how The Unbelievable Truth is a terrible radio concept. Then we somehow find ourselves dissecting the careers of Whose Line contestants, and ponder the descent of Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy. And we call Mitch Benn names, again.

BY THE WAY Thomas Aquinas Day has been cancelled, due to his having been a massive anti-Semite. So we’ve moved it to the 29th January, recognising Emanuel Swedenborg Day, master scientist turned loopy theologian. Please remember to book this day off work. Further instructions of the traditions to be applied to this international holiday will be revealed soon.

If you don’t leave a review on iTunes then everyone will die. Thank you to everyone who has so far – you’re keeping the human race alive.

In our 177th ever Rum Doings, our topic is, should there be a pink card in football for players who’ve done too many rapes?

What CLICK we CLICK talk CLICK about CLICK instead CLICK is oh dear. Nick messed up. Despite a pleasant enough start, discussing pedo royals, about five minutes in Nick’s recording goes crazy and starts clicking like a Geiger counter inside a nuclear bomb. If you can stand it, we go on to talk about late night chat shows, we close down all network TV and replace it with radio, and get an update on John’s baby. We point out that hoverboards are a stupid idea, how we need dinosaurs back to humble mankind, and the most importantly of all…

DECLARE THOMAS AQUINAS DAY ON 28TH JANUARY.

Book the day off now, as this is to be a new international holiday for all Rum Doings listeners, to give us something to look forward to when returning to work after Christmas!

If you don’t leave a review on iTunes then everyone will die. Thank you to everyone who has so far – you’re keeping the human race alive.

I think the most depressing thing on American television – and more so than the predictably and necessarily awful horror of stations like Fox News – are late night talk shows. While I’m too young to have anything to say about Carson, the last two stultifying decades of Leno and Letterman at 11.35pm were a miserable, stagnant waste. Leno was widely hated by his contemporaries from the start (getting Carson’s slot when everyone had assumed it was going to Letterman) and even more so by the end (screwing over Conan O’Brien in a way that deserves its own movie), though he was immensely popular with an audience of America’s 370 year olds. Letterman, for reasons I have never truly understood (but suspect may mostly be a inversion of the disgust focused on Leno), has always been heralded as the master of his craft, and championed by so many American comics. Both were equally vapid, cowardly, and tedious. Neither moved the format a millimetre further forward in their twenty years hosting a nightly programme.

Both shows followed precisely the same format. An opening monologue of over-written-to-death topical gags from a writers room of comics who would never utter such banality in their own acts, delivered as only jokes written by someone else for you can be. Then some ‘wacky’ sketches or bits, accompanied by interminable gurning to camera. Then two or three interviews with celebrity guests, each rehearsed, agreed upon, signed off on by agents and managers, and then delivered in staccato question: monologue; question: monologue; request for plug: plug. No surprises, no movement, no inspiration.

Accompanying this would be a house band led by a sycophantic yes-man, whose role was to laugh into a microphone at the host’s pre-scripted ad-libs, while punchlines were accompanied by brass band stings, presumably to help audiences locate them. Said studio audience’s role was to excessively clap and whoop (because laughter is a sound created by pleasant surprise at humour, while whooping and clapping can be queued) to fill perhaps a third of any show’s running time.

I write all this in the past tense rather inaccurately. While Leno may have mercifully finally gone this year, Letterman is dragging his kooky looks to camera, unfathomably poorly written Top 10 Lists, and familiarity with female staff, out until May 2015. And although Jimmy Fallon may be a far more likeable person than Leno (but then again, so would a slab of concrete), and although the writing is enormously better, it’s still the same stale format being dragged further on. Meanwhile Conan’s TBS show sinks ever deeper into its own smug satisfaction, and despite its actually getting better ratings than Letterman, no one has ever met anyone who watches ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel Live Exclamation Mark.

Has the Sun really taken the photo of the Brit who was on board the missing Malaysian plane QZ8501, and massively photoshopped it? Tidied his earlobes, coloured his hair, and, well, whitened his skin? Because that would be… really bloody weird, right?

With a very special seven week old guest, this week’s episode comes from Nick, John and Toby. We discuss stupid babies, stupid Theresa May, the divinity of the Lord Baby Jesus, and the awfulness of carols. We ponder four year old logic, Nick genuinely proselytises Strictly Come Dancing, and then we skewer Apple right through their hearts. It turns out neither of us is a huge fan of Bob Geldof, but we are big fans of Judge Coxcombe. And baby willies.

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In our 175th ever Rum Doings, our topic is, when will someone finally stand up for the good-old British cabbie?

Instead we talk about John’s becoming a daddy, and John’s going to a mental health nurse. We talk about anxiety disorder, then the truncated You & Yours. There’s ranting about the ridiculous nonsense of feeding programmes for two-day-old babies and enforced formula use, and then learn some homeopathic uses for arsenic.

John talks about the best and worst things about being a dad, and then some suggestions of videogames for little children to play.

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In an episode beset by a strange satellite delay (we talk over each other more than usual), we dominantly discuss how lovely and thoughtful John is, and Nick’s hate for all humanity. We consider the bath/wee dilemma as posted by 5 year old Judy. There’s shouty arguments over terms like “trigger warning”, and Nick’s contempt for John is laid bare. But actually it’s about ethics in games journalism, as well as Nick’s frustration with John’s interactions with the arseholes. Finally there’s some chat about giving birth and becoming dads.

If you don’t leave a review on iTunes then everyone will die. Thank you to everyone who has so far – you’re keeping the human race alive.

This is John Walker's Electronic House!

Hello, welcome, and sit down. I'm John Walker, a writer based in the UK, and co-editor and co-director of Rock, Paper, Shotgun. This site is the place for my idle, idle thoughts, occasional rants, meandering tales, television reviews, and photographs of a cat. Contact me by email magic for all your Earthly needs. botherer @ gmail . com