As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask foryour assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

3
comments:

Sad to see that even in the year 2008 we're still getting fresh loads of whiny bullshit via email.

His daughter would get preferential treatment in admissions? How? Also, his friggin son would already be eligible for in state tuition. You know, since he lives "in state".

But if there really is a Mr. Ruppert (dubious) who wants to be "illegal", its actually simple: just go to the consulate and renounce your citizenship. Please do this sir, the sooner the better. This process is permanent, so naturally you won't be able to pay the supposed fine and skip on your taxes for 2 years in order to regain citizenship.

Even if you stay, as an illegal you'll no doubt be fired from your cushy job since you lack the status to work. And those wonderful "free" emergency rooms you are counting on for health care? Lotsa luck with that.

I guess this passes for humor, but I challenge the person writing to go through with his threat. I can't imagine how much money it would take for me to preclude the blessings of citizenship in America (with all her faults). But then, my primary motivator is not always looking for ways to "scam" the system. It is to work to make America live up to her promises in the Constitution.

Btw, illegal immigrant status is not a prerequisite for not having health care or health insurance. Ask the 47 million Americans w/o health insurance if you don't believe me. Paul (the writer of the email that was forwarded to me was Paul) can drop his health insurance anytime and become yet another overuser of the overburdened emergency room care in this country. And, as I've mentioned before, just because you are provided care, it doesn't mean you don't get the bills. People seem to think emergency room care is free. It ain't. The bills will come.

Paul can also choose to drop his car insurance and drive w/o insurance. But he (and illegals) are breaking the law by doing so. Being an illegal doesn't grant you immunity from prosecution. Quite the contrary as, if as an illegal you are picked up for driving w/o a license, you have committed a criminal act and are illegible for deportation.

If Mr. Ruppert is so angry about this he might want to write to John McCain, since he was the co-author of this law (the Comprehensive Immigration Reform Act). I understand Sen. McCain is running for some office or other....

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