“The groom is really the new bride,” one venue owner explained to the Times. Another event planner added, “Men are as vain as women, maybe sometimes they are more so, especially when they’re older.”

With social media supposedly to blame for the uptick in self-loathing (of course), the expected grooming services and workout classes have cropped up to meet the demand. Some men go the extra mile, though, spending $1,000/month on trainers or opting for full-on weight loss surgery. One executive actually wore Spanx.

His only regret? That they don’t make “invisible Spanx for your face.” I heard that, right ladies?!

Anyway. Aside from the tyranny of knowing that their wedding would be Facebook-stalked by even the vaguest of acquaintances, many men claimed it was actually their fiances’ obsessive wedding diets that spurred their own efforts.

So I think we can all pat ourselves on our bony little backs for finally leveling the gender playing field after all these years, no? Plus, everyone is definitely still focused on all the sacred, life-altering implications of weddings, which is nice.