The Other Side of the Fence....

Warning: This may be long...okay, guaranteed to be long, but I want to get it out, and perhaps someone can shed some light??

While I am a step mom to two absolutely stunning, beautiful, talented and loving girls and a BM to my own two fantastic young boys, I also have an ex husband to deal with (ODS's dad).

When we got a divorce, I did not "go after him" for everything under the sun. I agreed to what was fair and agreed to a reasonable amount of child support based on his income. TWICE now, his job has changed and his income increased quite a bit, according to the new calculations I've done, just for my own knowledge and curiosity, my ex should be paying me quite a large chunk more than he pays me...have I gone to court asking for more? NO. Why not? Because he spends money on my son buying him shoes, video games, clothes, takes him to eat, helps with birthday costs and Christmas costs, helps with a cell phone bill if I'm running short (And NEVER argues about doing this at all!) If I am sick or in the hospital (I have some specific medical issues that flare up from time to time) my ex will not only take the time to help with ODS's activities or help watch him until DF can get home to watch him, etc. but he calls to ask me if I need anything, or can he bring something from home (he picks up/drops off my son at my house) that he can bring me, etc.

Do we always get along? NO WAY. LOL but, when it comes to our son, we have a good working relationship...better than most I think. Our personalities still clash greatly, but he doesn't get in my business and I don't get into his.

The ONLY 2 times I have put my foot down and threatened to go to court and have his rights terminated was 1) he had a gf who lived with him who left pain pills all over the house, was "red flagged" at hospitals as a "pill seeker", refused to let ODS and EX go anywhere alone, would send her child (who had some SERIOUS emotional issues) everywhere they went, and forced my son to watch very scary movies and made fun of him for being scared (he was SEVEN!) and the last straw was when she introduced my son to a game on the computer called "Human Torture" (google 666 games for info on that!) and 2) when he had an issue with drinking he got violent and hit me.

Those 2 issues there I told him, pick...those issues or our son, because I am not willing to negotiate.

he quit drinking cold turkey (proud of him for this!) and put his foot down with the gf about spending time with ODS, later when she continued to be nasty he put a stop to it, and when she stole his phone and texted me pretending to be him saying all sorts of nasty vulgar things to me, he ended their relationship.

He and my DF and I can sit on my front porch and drink a beer (he never drinks more than 1) and grill out for Father's Day and we all get along.

He has EOWE but we don't stick to it. If he's out of town, he's out of town. If he's in town and wants him and it's my weekend, I let him take him. ODS won't spend the night with him because he's a homebody, and EX doesn't argue this, just brings him home and gets him the next day.

We never fight about Christmas, I get him for the morning, he comes over and gets him that afternoon. If he wants him Christmas Eve then I'm fine with as long as ODS is home for Christmas Eve dinner which Ex is allowed to be at as well.

My point about all of this is....WHY ON EARTH isn't DF's BM normal like this???? LOL

My son is what is important, not my anger towards ex.

When my LO was in the NICU, my ex called to check on him, offered to help with ODS and showed genuine concern.

Why can't BM extend any sort of similar courtesy to DF? he's not a bad guy. never did anything to her. SHE IS THE ONE WHO LEFT. SHE IS THE ONE WHO CHEATED. She chose this....granted DF is happy she's gone, LOL but still....

Our BM is amazing by this board's standards. She's very hands off with the kid's relationship with their father and is as flexible as she can be. We aren't BFFs and she and DH do get into it sometimes but I can truly say she's looking out for the best interest of her kids as she see's it. I believe that most BMs are like ours and this board attracts those in extreme situations.