Tuesday, May 17, 2005

After losing my beloved job at the museum 4 1/2 years ago, I cast about for a job that would offer me so job satisfaction while I tried to get back into museums.

My friend Greg suggested I join him at the library. I thought working at the library would be even better than working in a bookstore. I idealized an equal-opportunity world of books where anyone could come in off the street and enjoy the pleasures of immersing themselves in a book.

Boy, was I wrong.

I used to believe in the basic goodness of people. I don't anymore. I used to believe that books could change the world. I don't anymore. I used to believe that most people were reasonable and thoughtful. I don't anymore. I used to believe that people are essentially considerate. I don't anymore.

I have become embittered and cynical. And with the latest customer complaint lodged against me that involves an accusation of discrimation, I'm starting to wonder if I can make it til January. Perhaps I should just cut my losses and leave. If only I didn't need the money and the recommendation. I would so love to just be able to walk off the job right now.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Well, I got my first birthday present. (besides my eye surgery)

My friend Amy went with me to the Colorado Coalition for the Homeless gala. At the gala, they had a silent auction and Amy won something for me. Two tickets to a Keb' Mo' concert along with two signed cds and a signed lithograph. I love Keb' Mo' so I was super-excited! Amy is going with me to the concert which will be at the Botanic Gardens on July 8. What a great gift!

I only have a few more days of work to get through and then I get to head to California on Monday morning for a week of much needed R and R. I can hardly wait!

Thursday, May 12, 2005

I spent some time last night loading music into my iPod and I finally got all of my Sting collection in there. As I was listening to "Ten Summoner's Tales" this morning, I was reminded of an incident in college.

I tried really hard to connect with other Christians in college but I always felt like an outsider. If you weren't completely immersed in Christian culture (listened to Christian music, wore Christian t-shirts and jewelry, read Christian fiction), then you did't fit in. At one point, I joined my friend Kate's bible study. She came up with this idea that each of us would bring in a song that meant something to us spiritually. A song that described our faith walk with God. So, each week, we began bible study with someone's song. Lots of Michael W. Smith and other Christian singers I had never heard of. Finally, it was my turn. I brought "If I Ever Lose My Faith in You" by Sting because I felt it accurately described my relationship with God. I got the strangest looks from the women in the study. They made me feel like a pariah. After that, I never went back. I think this is one of the problems with the Christian community. They can be every elitist and it's all or nothing with them. It alienates a lot of people.

Anyway, I still feel the song describes my relationship with God so I feel like posting the lyrics today:

You could say I lost my faith in science and progressYou could say I lost my belief in the holy churchYou could say I lost my sense of directionYou could say all of this and worse, butIf I ever lose my faith in youThere’d be nothing left for me to doYou could say that I'm a lost man in a lost worldYou could say I lost my faith in the people on t.v.You could say I’d lost my belief in our politiciansThey all seem like game show hosts to meIf I ever lose my faith in youThere’d be nothing left for me to doI could be lost inside their lies without a traceBut every time I close my eyes, I see your faceI never saw no miracle of scienceThat didn’t go from a blessing to a curseI never saw no military solutionThat didn’t always end up as something worse,But let me say this firstIf I ever lose my faith in youIf I ever lose my faith in youThere’d be nothing left for me to doThere’d be nothing left for me to doIf I ever lose my faithIf I ever lose my faithIf I ever lose my faithIf I ever lose my faith in you

Monday, May 09, 2005

Well, I got my eyes lasered on Friday. I went from 20/400 vision to 20/25. Pretty impressive. The strange thing is that I went from near-sighted to far-sighted. Right now, I'm having some trouble seeing things close up. Especially computer screens and books. My doctor says that should even out. I hope so. It would be so bad for me to not be able to read. It's my favorite hobby. Also, I'm struggling with some pretty profound dry eye. Hopefully that will clear up.

I can't believe I'm inching closer to age 30. It doesn't freak me out but I have a hard time believing it because I don't feel 30. I feel about 22. I look at my friends who are having babies and I'm just amazed. I don't feel old enough to be a mother. My mom got me when she was 30. But then my grandmother didn't have my mother until she was 40. Maybe I'm just a late bloomer like her.

There are just two weeks left until I leave for a week in Southern California with Gary and I can't wait. It seems like a long time. I can't wait to go to Disneyland. I haven't been there since I was about 10 years old. Seems like a good place to turn 30. I can't wait to hit the Haunted Mansion. That will be my first stop!

Welcome to Life by Candlelight. This is the home of the "BOTTOM LINE" book review! I've been blogging since 2003 and have worked in public and privates libraries since 2000. Find tidbits about my life, book reviews and other things currently whirling around in my brain. Unless otherwise stated, all books are either library or personal copies. I specialize in contemporary literary fiction with the occasional children's book review.

For review purposes, Children refers to books appropriate for ages 7 and under, Young Reader refers to books appropriate for ages 8-12 and Young Adult refers to books for ages 13 and up.