Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Jesus called me this morning and He had some good things to say (weird, huh?).

Be still in my presence, even though countless tasks clamor for your attention. Nothing is as important as spending time with me. While you wait in My Presence, I do My best work within you: transforming you by the renewing of your mind.

-Jesus Calling (Sarah Young)

this truly was perfect for today. last night I restlessly tried to sleep, tasks and worries of the world swimming in my head. I felt suffocated and trapped. and then I got up and read this. wowza.

there are many things I think God is teaching me in this season of my life right now. this crazy, run from one thing to the next, take a deep breath at the end of the day and gear up for the next day kind of season. right now if I had to write myself a note to remember in a year or two, or even in a month or two, it would say: don't spread yourself so thin. just because you physically CAN do something (i.e. you physically can attend 5 classes and take on a new job) doesn't mean you should. doesn't mean it's in your best interest. doesn't mean it won't significantly decrease your quality of life.

because when you are spread too thin, you are no good. to anyone. think about the visual image of it...who wants a piece of toast with just a smidge of peanut butter on it (yes, I like peanut butter on my toast. om nom nom)? no one (unless they're watching their weight...and once again...where's the joy in that?). every bite of that toast would be sub-par. the same is true of what you're involved in when you're spread too thin.

last night as I felt myself getting tense and overwhelmed, I realized I was also frustrated because I am not excelling in any area right now. work, school, relationships...all are being compromised. all are getting by, but barely. not well. and well...that's just not how I like it. and not how we were created. I think God created us with specific gifts. maybe one reason we don't individually have ALL the gifts is because He didn't want us trying to do EVERYTHING. maybe He was protecting us in this, among other things.

as I re-read Jesus Calling, I realized the use of the word wait. While you wait in My Presence, I do My best work within you.

seems almost like a weird word for this topic. talking about taking the time to spend time with God every day. carving out that time. in my mind, it seems like a "do" item, rather than a "wait" item. maybe that's what makes it hard. in all this "do"ing, and task-accomplishing, the hardest thing to do is "wait". the hardest thing to "do" is seemingly nothing. isn't it?

I've been struggling with patience, but I guess as we wait, He refines us. He molds us in the waiting. even if we don't see it. even if it's painful. even if it doesn't seem like we're growing, changing.

as evidenced by my last post, I really can't wait for may. I can't wait for this semester to be over. I can't wait to make the decision to not spread myself too thin. but I guess I really can. and I guess I will. and what better place to wait than in His presence?

It's the little somethings that make up a life. The little somethings that happen while we're waiting on the bigger somethings we all think matter most. But in between those big somethings, the little somethings become who we are and what constitutes our lives. I'm documenting some of those somethings as a 20-something year old learning about faith, life and herself.