Friday, 16 May 2014

The crucial element in successful dating. One can only wonder why resilience is not taught at school. Every elephant knows the importance of growing a thick skin for protection against weather inclemencies

When you are out there looking for the right person
to share your life with, you should remind yourself that maintaining
your balance and self-esteem is going to put you way ahead of the game.

"A wise man should not fear losing anything in life as long as he is able to
preserve his peace of mind," taught the Roman philosopher Epictetus.

When
it comes to dating, each of us can easily make a list of unpleasant
situations that we would rather avoid in order to keep our tranquillity.
For instance, most men and women would consider themselves happier if
they could avoid dealing with nasty people altogether. The same
preference applies to averting unwanted criticism. Last but not least,
wouldn't our days be easier if we never had to comply with silly rules?

The
crucial element in successful dating

The
crucial element in successful dating is rational persistence. The
question is how we can sustain our motivation long enough to achieve our
romantic goals. Indeed, looking for a soul mate would be less
complicated if we could keep away all those inconveniences, but let's
face the truth, the world is not going to turn into paradise tomorrow
morning.

Negative personal interactions are particularly aggravating
during dating, since love seekers who invest themselves heavily in their
search often place their egos in the line of fire.

The good news
is that you can minimize your dating annoyances if you grow a thick
skin, that is, if you become more philosophical about life. Learn to
enhance your psychological resilience and this knowledge will serve you
well for the rest of your life. The techniques are not difficult and you
can practice them on your own. During your dating adventures, you will
have ample opportunity to test the validity of these theories.How to develop a sound
psychological armour

One
can only wonder why mental resilience is rarely taught at school. Every elephant in the savannah knows the importance of growing a thick skin for protection against weather inclemencies, viruses,
and infections. In the same way, human beings need to develop a sound
psychological armour against the inevitable frictions of social life.

As Epictetus observed, "some men find joy in fishing and others in hunting, but there is no greater pleasure than living your days with serenity."

Which
techniques can you use to build up a psychological protection layer as
thick as the rugged skin of an elephant? In the case of dating, my
choice of methods would go towards cultivating deliberate slowness and
purposeful indifference. Let us see how these two techniques work in
practice.

When you meet new people with romantic purposes in
mind, some of your new acquaintances will be great, others will leave
you cold, and a few will personify everything that you can possibly
dislike in a human being. If you are attending a social event or have
been invited for dinner by friends, you might not wish to leave right
way, but on the other side, you really don't want to drag along all
evening in conversation with obnoxious strangers.

In those cases,
adopting a strategy of deliberate slowness can work wonders. By the
way, this is an approach that you can take to defuse many exacerbating
social situations. Deliberate slowness is the ideal defence mechanism on
those occasions when someone is verbally distressing you or bothering
you at a party.The
perfect way to play the game

Should you find yourself in that situation, the
perfect way to play is not to get angry. Instead of arguing and reacting
with indignation, you can pretend that your brain needs hours to absorb
the simplest information and stall. Very often, people will succumb to
their own impatience, rate you as a hopeless bore, and leave you in
peace.

The second technique, purposeful indifference, requires
longer training, but its field of application is much wider.
Occasionally, during the dating process, you won't be able to escape
nasty, unfair criticism, threats, or warnings, either from friends,
family, or strangers. Don't let them ruin your day. Remember that it is
great that people are free to express their opinions even if they don't
know what they are talking about.Make
yourself an invaluable present

Put on your best poker face,
say that you take note of their comments, and walk on. As soon as you
are away from the scene, shrug your shoulders and don't let anxiety take
control of your mind. Reserve your energies for the next date, where
you might meet just the right person for you.

Looking for a soul
mate is difficult enough. Let us not allow ourselves to be affected by
nonsensical remarks from other people. Take
advantage of your dating experiences to develop a thick skin. In
addition to facilitating your search for love, you will be making
yourself an invaluable present.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

JOHN VESPASIAN is the author of eight books about rational living, including "When Everything Fails, Try This" (2009), "Rationality Is the Way to Happiness" (2009), "The Philosophy of Builders: How to Build a Great Future with the Pieces from Your Past" (2010), "The 10 Principles of Rational Living" (2012), "Rational Living, Rational Working: How to Make Winning Moves When Things Are Falling Apart" (2013), "Consistency: The Key to Permanent Stress Relief" (2014), "On Becoming Unbreakable: How Normal People Become Extraordinarily Self-Confident" (2015), and "Thriving in difficult times: Twelve lessons from Ancient Greece to improve your life today" (2016).