Thursday, December 25, 2014

Christmas is for sure one of my favorite times of the year for a variety of reasons, not least of which is the fact that, due to my killer job, I always get like three weeks off around this time.

Oh, don't be jealous, dear reader. I do you much honor whilst you toil away. After all, it's people like you that make my decadent, world plundering lifestyle possible.

You're welcome.

Christmas comes in two flavors for me. There is the "Away Christmas" and the "Home Christmas". Now, oftentimes, the Away variety tends to be enjoyable, greasy, and filled with the sort of juvenile ribaldry that would get you expelled from a confessional in any church outside of Las Vegas. Highlights of Away Christmases for me have included times spent in Thailand (Chang Mai New Years was great, even though I almost caught on fire), Borocay (where I found a steak house run entirely by dwarves), and Athens (Gypsies, Uzo, and the Acropolis at dawn- good times). Fantastic experiences, for sure, but not quite in the traditional holiday spirit. Especially in terms of outfits.

What? What do YOU wear to the beach?

As I have gotten older, and my abs have begun to steadily dwindle into obscurity, like a protean Howard Dean, I have seen a bit of a shift in my holiday ragers from the sybaritic journeys of days past into the slower, more contemplative Home Christmas.

A Home Christmas involves watching Christmas movies, spending the day with family (with all the awkward moments and comfortable lulls that entails), preparing and eating a huge meal together, and generally not throwing up on anyone.

Except for this guy. Miss you, Uncle Flapjack.

Now, dear reader, there are of course some pros and cons to each type of holiday. One HUGE advantage to the home Christmas, though, is being able to partake in something that is uniquely American (or Canadian, you bastards): holiday beers!

God beer us, everyone.

It's that magical, mystical time of year where every liquor store abounds with Pumpkin Spice Ale, Cinnamon and Nutmeg Beer, Santa's Holiday Lager, Chocolate Stout, and every other possible combination of vaguely seasonal brews one demented liquor elf could devise. Overseas, for all that sexy, sexy madness mentioned above, people are usually stuck with only two or maybe three different beers (with the exception of awesome Latvia, of course), all of which tend to taste the same. I have found that this corner of the world gives one an almost unlimited opportunity to try a new flavor. Especially with those awesome multi-packs that you can buy during the holidays.

Or you could always stick with Pabst.

In some ways, it is truly the reason for the season (sorry Jeebus). Talking with family is great, exchanging gifts is always a good time, watching The Christmas Story for 8 hours never gets old, and buying super loud and annoying gifts for the toddlers belonging to my best friends has to be one of the greatest things ever, but . . . at the end of the day it comes down to the beer. Case in point: I have in the fridge right now a Shocktop Chocolate Strawberry White Ale, waiting to either be drunk by me or thrown at a pack of elves.

Life is good. Oh, and did I mention I'm going to Cancun for New Years? Nothing too greasy, just a small place off the coast called the Island of Women.