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December 13, 2010

The Intimacy Debate

in·ti·ma·cy -noun
1. the state of being intimate.
2. a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.
3. sexual intercourse.

Knockers and some of his friends were having a debate about intimacy. He texted me and said "Which is more intimate, sucking dick or fucking?" My opinion is both are an intimate act because I don't do either one unless I'm dating someone. If I had to choose though I'd say "fucking" would be more intimate. Knockers agreed with me but stated that some of his friends actually consider "sucking dick" to be more intimate. Maybe it's because you're taking someones hygiene in your mouth? Most guys don't use a condom when it comes to oral sex. Or maybe it's the whole spit vs swallowing thing, I don't know. If they feel like oral sex is a more intimate act then their ass must get more business than a Mcdonald's Drive Thru at 2am! I told Knockers I was going to explore his debate with some of my friends and what better place to do that, at Steve and Bill's Christmas party.

Steve and Bill have been having a Christmas party for years. I believe I have gone to at least 5 or 6 of them. This year I went with Bobby (whom Steve wanted to play naked twister with) and Kevin (whom I missed terribly because of his work and school schedule.) Their parties always have tons of food and more importantly alcohol! (Which Bobby was buzzed and giggly after one drink that I had made him) Steve and Bill are really great "hostesses" they never ask you to bring anything and they don't really care who shows up. I always run into people whom I haven't seen in a long time. Like Ian whom I haven't seen since his fundraiser penthouse party in Philly. (I harassed him for days that he better show up!) It was nice to catch up with him and everyone else as well.

My friend O (I call him "O" because his drag name is Ophelia Wood and half of Bucks County has seen him make his "oh face." JK) showed up with his partner Muffin, (He affectionately calls him that too. I wonder if it's because he likes his muffin buttered?) his gay best friend Joshua (who was chaperoning him) and his partner Big Daddy D (we all like to sit in his lap and tell him what we want for Christmas) I hadn't seen O in a long time he has been domesticated now! (Sorry guys this ride is closed) I'm very happy for him and Muffin their relationship seems solid. (Muffin always says he thinks Kevin and I would make a cute couple. Maybe after we drink all the vodka in the world.) It's refreshing to see someone like O whose ass has been on more faces than Maybelline, find someone whom he loves. He found real intimacy with his Muffin and some day I hope I get as lucky.

I asked O what his take was on our little debate and he agrees with me that "fucking" is more intimate. If you look at it in this way though, should fucking and intimacy be in the same sentence? To be honest I truly hate the word "fucking" in terms of talking about sex and even though I've used it quite a bit so far, I rarely use it any other time. I'd rather say "Slept with" or "had sex with." Saying "Fucking" just sounds so impersonal. Bobby also agrees that anal sex is a more intimate act because the bottoms most times are giving up the control and letting the other person dominate them. The act in itself deals with a lot of trust or should. George had this to say "Sucking is more of a foreplay. Some guys will suck til they cramp, but won't fuck unless they're serious with somebody."
I asked a few more guys at the party and they all agree that anal sex is in fact the more intimate one. When I think about it even Kevin doesn't say "fucking" much either he prefers to say, "bam, bam, bam."

So did I find intimacy at this party??? Nah, we left before the extracurricular activities began, (Think Bobby was scared he was going to get molested) but I did discover that most gay men find certain sexual acts to be intimate. (There is hope for us!) I guess not all gay men are animals. (There's no hope for some though) It was a fun night in the end: Steve put blue eyeshadow all over my eyes I looked like an old Tranny hot mess, I'm still picking glitter out of my hair, kissed a couple guys under the mistletoe (ok ok more like pulled some guys under the mistletoe) and shared a cute sweet kiss with my friend Alex on the sofa. (he started it) Can't wait for next year!