Do I stay? Or do I go?

It can be a special kind of lonely hell when you love an addict.

Your relationship is teetering on disaster –

You’re barely surviving emotionally-

You’re in a hole so deep the sky looks like a pinhole-

You’re tired of wearing the masks-

You’re ashamed of what you and your life has become.

You are afraid that if you let go, the world as you know it will crumble around you.

It’s complicated. It’s messy. It hurts.

They don’t understand that just like an addict needs their drug – we are addicted to our addict. We didn’t get into these relationships thinking “Gee, I think I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to control someone else’s crap” – just like they didn’t wake up one day deciding to be an addict. It evolves. One day we realize –

not only do we love them more than they love us, but more than we love ourselves – and a decision needs to be made.

The dark, sticky, snake-like fingers of the disease constricts every aspect of our lives.

The finances, the employment, the physical health and the mental well-being of everyone in the home is compromised. Before you know it – you’re so entwined in the madness that getting out feels like death. Because it would be. You had hopes and dreams of a happily ever after, and if you leave, that dies.

But just as addiction can wrap itself around your relationship, so too can recovery.

I’ve created a workbook to help you sort through your feelings in these difficult times. It’s something that would have helped me tremendously as I struggled in an addict marriage. I wanted so badly for someone to just tell me what to do – tell me which choice to make.

It seemed the weight of making the wrong choice was so heavy that I was afraid to make any choice at all.

How do I know?

I’ve done both.

Hubby #1 – I left.

Hubby #2 – I stayed.

I thought for sure that if he just quit the drug, things would get better. That if he would just quit drinking. Or get a job. Or spend more time with me and the kids… that it would be OK. I didn’t have the problem – he did. I could run the household, raise the kids, go to work, AND deal with him and his crap – I was superwoman – right?! Wrong.