Marriage – A Binding Contract?

I had dinner with one of my favourite chaps tonight. I love dining out. Well, let’s be honest, I love eating. But specifically, I like dining out because I like the conversation aspect of a meal out which is sadly missing at home. In a busy household without enough room for a dining table, meals tend to be eaten with the television as background, which is a real conversation killer. Maybe I should bring in a ‘No TV at mealtimes’ rule. Anyway, I digress.

Over dinner the conversation turned to marriage and monogamy, giving me the opportunity to raise my latest theory. I (who have never married, thereby giving me the ineffable right to tell people who have done it that they’re getting it wrong) think marriage is a strange idea. I simply can’t imagine saying to someone “I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I will never want to sleep with anyone except you, and that I will always want to be with you”. I mean – how could you possibly be so sure of something so big?

And of course, people get it wrong. They stand up and gaze into the eyes of this person who they’ve quite enjoyed bonking for the last few days/weeks/months/years (delete as appropriate) and they say “I will always feel the way I feel right now”. Then a few weeks/months/years (D.A.A) down the line they either spot someone else who looks a bit juicy, or they decide they don’t want sex any more, at all, with anyone, thankyou very much.

Now that second part is the bit that my idea relates to.

Marriage is a contract, yes? In essence, you say to each other ‘I promise to bonk only you forever’. You don’t say ‘I promise to bonk only you forever, and you must also promise likewise, but if I decide there’ll be no more of this bonking malarkey, you’re still not allowed to bonk anyone else’. If you did say that, the other party might just call a halt to the whole proceedings and dash out of the church like an incontinent granny the day after a vindaloo.

But that is, in effect, what many wives seem to do. Certainly many of the wives whose husbands I meet, anyway.

So, (are you still with me? Fair play, pal, you’ve got sticking power and no mistake) how about a Renewable Contract? How about 3 years for starters, at the end of which either party can end the whole thing gracefully and without fear of recrimination or loss of half the Ferrari? If at the end of the 3 year period everything’s still rosy – well, that’s nice. If however your sex life has become more arid than a well-Lynxed armpit – you’re free!