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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Is DUI a crime in LA? This chick isn’t even a celebrity and she’s doing less time for a felony than it takes to drive from Hollywood to Santa Monica at rush hour. Can we make the punishment for driving while intoxicated longer than the season premiere of Heroes? Also- you should spell your fucking name with a “C”, like everyone else.

…Gas Prices

If these things were any more steep they’d come with a friggin’ sherpa! People are worried about the “five-dollar gallon”? They should worry about the “4 integer gas sign”!

…Shia LaBeouf

Drunk driving? A pretty boy like this won’t last 30 minutes in the big house! Luckily, the way we sentence celebs, he’ll only have to last 15!

2 comments:

Shia LaBeouf pretty? Huge pussy yes, but pretty no. He looks like he smells and I'm not sure if I'm remembering correctly but I think it was him who recently gave an interview in which he admitted to doing the doo in his pants until he was twelve.

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Suckiness surrounds us all, gripping us in a vice-like hold, with the ferocity of a bear trap made of shit. My mission? To offer insight and shed understanding on the vast, seemingly endless, black hole of crap each one of us has to face on a daily basis. And while that torrent of bullshit is both mammoth in scope and unyielding in its advance, at least here it can be called it out for what it is- a lot of shit that really sucks.

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About Me

Chris DeLuca is a writer/ producer/ comic currently living in Hoboken, the Prague of New Jersey. He's written for a bunch of TV shows you probably have not watched or heard of (United States of Hip Hop, Nikki & Sara Live, Mob Wives Reunion, BET's Don't Sleep, and Fuse News- see?) as well as Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn, Best Week Ever, Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson and the 12/12/12 Concert For Sandy Relief. He was also the "World's Oldest Intern" on VH1's Big Morning Buzz. In 2009 he created, wrote and starred in the hilarious, and subversive “Mocap, LLC" on Spike. Sadly, he thinks he caused his parent's divorce.