Taylor Swift says all the stories we've been reading about her over the past year are lies, and if you believe any of them, you're a stupid ugly fucking asshole. OK, those aren't *exactly* the words she used, but you could totally tell that's what she meant. She told the Spanish TV show El Hormiguero:

"People say that I'm buying houses all the time that I'm not buying. It's like every time the press thinks I like a guy, they say I am buying a house next to them. And also they think they know what I'm getting people for Christmas, which they don't. I was thinking when I saw that one (rumor) that if they actually got it right I would be so sad because they would have blown my Christmas present, but they were all wrong."

I speak for myself and not for the rest of you commoners when I say that the rumors I've been reporting relentlessly have little to do with Taylor's dopey gifts or her pseudo-stalkerish living arrangements. After Kanye West went all ghetto on her a few years ago, her vagina has seen more collar-popping douchebags in it than the Times Square Abercrombie & Fitch. It's a bit late for Taylor to push this new image of her as a sad, gaping hole desperately looking for a fillin'.