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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

My mom jokes around that she married the only Greek who not only doesn't own a restaurant, but can't boil water. I fear for my children's spouses and have vowed to teach all my kids how to cook. Well, I've taught them a few things and Alton Brown has filled them in on the rest. Honestly, my kids love to watch The Food Network. I think some of them aspire to set foot in kitchen stadium and become the next Iron Chef. Still, at this point in time, some of them could easily end up being contestants on The Worst Cook in America. Have you seen this show? The first show, a guy boiled a whole chicken, ladled a little spaghetti sauce over it and plopped a piece of Swiss cheese on top of it. Voila! Dinner is served. Anyway...

Today Lexi made toast.

Now, it isn't entirely her fault. Obviously someone had messed with the darkness setting on the toaster. But, for the love of toast, why is there even such a dial on a toaster??? How many people, do you think, purposely set their toasters to "char", "torch", or "ignite"? Nobody does this! No one! Not a single person in America likes their toast incinerated. I mean, look at the picture! That's WAY beyond scraping with a knife. There's no saving that toast. In fact, it's 10:00 at night and my house still smells like burnt toast. I really want to know if there's a purpose for the "toast doneness selector" and if so, WHAT? Why is this appliance manufactured with an option to completely destroy your breakfast? Inquiring minds want to know.

43 comments:

It's entirely feasible that you could put jelly on the bottom edge of the toast and hold yourself over till you make another round of toast. Otherwise, you have 6 kids. SOMEbody can spare a couple fingers or toes.

It's for frozen waffles and pastry strudel.And,believe it or not,my youngest Son now 15,loved burnt toast.YUK,PEW.He would only eat the blackest part.Yes he is a normal,HA,15 yr.old.He's also very artistic like your Austin.Did he eat burnt toast?

Yuck! The smell of burned toast is really awful. Believe it or not, I once took over a job from a woman who really did like burned toast. Every morning when she came to work, she made burned toast on purpose!! The office smelled yucky all day long!! Maybe that's why she left and I was hired? lol

I have to say, I've noticed that, at least around where I live, English muffins take an unreasonably long time to toast and I actually set the toaster at or near the highest setting just to get them to brown a little. It's quite odd. I don't know why they take longer to toast than bread. Must be the nooks and crannies.

I never understood why, but Mom would religiously turn the setting to "darkest" and when the toast was finished, scrape the brown char off with a knife. When I would ask her why she just didn't set the toast to a lighter setting, she would always reply, "I like it this way." I can't see how, but maybe being a child of the Depression had something to do with it.

When Mom died, I got that same toaster which she received as a wedding gift; it's still going strong.

I'm completely with you on that one - not only do my children LOVE to watch Food Network (which has resulted in an apparent level of higher standards for my cooking... as my daughter commented the other night "Mom, there simply isn't enough color variety or garnish on this plate!" SIGH...) Anyhoo... and our toaster only toasts pleasantly if it is set in a delicate balance between the second and third line on the darkness setting... just add it to the list of questions to ask God when we get to heaven, i guess! :-)

Because if there is no burn setting on your toaster your children might actually make something tasty to serve you thereby ruining the rule that any breakfast made by kids for you will be disgusting. Sigh. :) And to think I thought I was being NICE to my mom!:)

My husband worked in product development at KitchenAid portable appliances and specifically on toasters. Here is his explination: The reason for the different settings is to account for cooking variances such as the type of the item (bread/bagel/toaster pastry), the consistancy of the item, the moisture content (freshness of item), and the altitude above sea level (which can impact cooking time).

My mom routinely burns most everything because she likes it "crisp" (aka "charred"). Muffins are the worst, with a layer of black charcoal on the bottom. She also makes two pies for holidays, a burnt one and a regular one. I have vivid memories as a kid standing beside my mom at the toaster oven begging her to take out my toast/Poptart/anything before it got black.

I love the toast kind of burned! And burned onions...there is just something delicious about it. Maybe that's why toasters have that setting. To satisfy those few individuals that love the torched toast. :-)

my great grandmother ate her toast this way, and toasted it ahead then wrapped it in foil looking this way. She ate it with her scrambled eggs. Hence my offering my kids burnt toast and ovaltine for breakfast, but no takers yet.

It appears that Lexi is still doing ok with cooking given all the responses from people who like toast like this! Her talents are under-appreciated in her own kitchen though.

"dark" is only for Eggo waffles (which you can't find anywhere right now!) and english muffins. And for a brave few -- Pop Tarts! I personally think that it should automatically sense when bread is put in the toaster though - we've had the "essence of burnt toast" many times at my house too....

My grandma came to visit and she said she like burnt toast. It thought she meant dark, crispy brown. No, she sent it through two toast cycles so it would be black, black like your toast. As long as she eats it, more power to her.

Have your kids ever read the book, Burnt Toast on Davenport Street by Tim Egan? It's a great book with beautiful illustrations. Reading your post brought me back to a field trip to see Tim Egan at a bookstore where he explained to the kids how many rough drafts he did before getting to the final copy of his book. Wow, that was eight years ago!

My oldest has been trying to cook as of late. She doesn't burn toast, but... pretty much everything else. I've been eating tough food for about a week. I want her to learn, but, OMFGIWANNAEATNORMALFOODTOO {inhale, exhale}

I would love to know if you do a weekly or bi-weekly menu? Do you use coupons? Budget out? Where do you grocery shop at? And what are your favorite meals to cook that your kids WILL eat? I only have 4 kids so this is so tough for me. You have a beautiful family btw. :)