Did you act like a madman this shopping ‘Black Friday?’

Is that you trampling an old lady in your enthusiasm to spend your soon to be gone rent money?

Wow! Black Friday has nearly come and gone and in your enthusiasm to be a moron and get to the perceived freebies before all the other buffoons who have been sitting in rain and sleet as early this Tuesday you have suffered some wonderful indignities. Thankfully suffering and creating indignities is your god given American right.

So shop away kids, be careful of old ladies who aren’t nimble enough to sidestep your collective mob mentality and don’t forget to shop us and yourself to happiness.

Ps- Any present that you would like to send us will be greatly received on the proviso that you grunted like a pig at the cash register before walking out of the store the wo/man you always knew you were capable of being.