My Defense

I have a secret, I cannot let you know.
I’m sorry I lied; I DON’T want you to go.
Those cruel words, were not how I feel,
just a defense, to forget what was real.
Portraying I’m strong, with a will to thrive,
yet without you I’m lost, I don’t feel alive.
Words hurt worse, than punches thrown.
I’m out of control, in this viscous cyclone.
So many times, you let me off the hook,
for my malicious outbursts and nasty looks.
I’ve used my disease as an excuse to abuse.
Flying amidst this mania, recourse I refuse.
The patience you bear, is reflective enough,
as is your wisdom, still my heart is so rough.
I want to open up and bear my entire soul,
I’m afraid all you’ll see is a shallow, empty hole.
I know it was never you that gave up on us,
it was this woman you married, me in disgust.
If I could repair my mind and fix the wrongs,
I’d say you’re at home, where you belong.
But we both know the truth, I’m a lost cause.
I prey on your weaknesses and all your flaws.
I’ll take full responsibility for all that I am…….
And remember our love, was my biggest sham….