Fundamentals of Reindeer Aerodynamics

Fig. 1 Airfoil configuration for reindeer showing leading-edge
and trailing-edge high-lift mechanisms. During takeoff and landing,
the fore and hind limbs are fully deployed. Because the local air flow
through the multi-element limb and antler structures is locally
attached to the top surface, the lift coefficient is exceptionally high.

he question of how reindeer can fly has puzzled researchers for many years.
The first well-documented encounter with a flying reindeer was in 1928, when
the New Jersey-born aviator Franky "Bubbles" Bibbliani was struck by a reindeer
over the Atlantic Ocean while attempting to repeat Lindbergh's famous flight
from Long Island, New York to Paris, France. After getting caught in a cross-wind,
Bibbliani's biplane drifted across the Arctic Circle where he experienced what
can only be described as an attack by a flock of rampaging reindeer:

"No matter how I turned, I was unable to avoide these flying beastes. Their
dorsall finnes sliced gracefully through the air. They flew at me, antlers
first, their bared teethe glistening in the moonlight and emitting the most
bone-chilling screeching and snorting sound I have never before or since hearde.
I dove toward the surface, the wind screaming through my propellers until I
attained the breakneck speed of more than 50 knottes and I was sore afraide
my propeller would breake. Yet they continued their pursuite. A blinding
red wave of heate was emitted from their nose. My only defense was a half-empty
bottle of Cutty Sark, three empty bottles of Smirnoff, and my supplie of
tincture of cocaine, nearly depleted and gone off-color, which I threw at
them. Finally I made my escape and headed forthwith to the safety of
Greenlande whereupon I immediately headed for the nearest barr so that I
might forgette these horrible creatures."

In his autobiography,
Bibbliani goes on to describe the reindeer as "bright pink with large yellow
spots," having six-inch fangs, and saying things like, "For great justice!"
and "You have no chance to survive, make your time!"
Although these and other details of this account, including Bibbliani's later
account of blue lightning bolts shooting from the antlers, are admittedly
puzzling, the phenomenon of airborne reindeer has been repeatedly confirmed
by other observers with credentials as impeccable as those of Dr. Bibbliani,
as well as by radar trackings by the militaries of several countries, including
Canada, Finland, and Greenland. Yet these reports have been almost universally
received with amused skepticism by the scientific community.

Some scholars have disputed Bibbliani's account, noting that reindeer are generally
peaceful and never shoot lightning bolts from their antlers or any other part
of their body, except in rare instances. It has therefore been speculated that
this particular flock may have been afflicted with reindeer rabies. The yellow
spots might be indicative of Rocky Mountain spotted fever; however, it should
be noted that this disease has rarely been observed in reindeer.

We may take solace, however, in recalling that these are the same skeptics who
calculated way back in 1962 that Peugeots likewise could not fly. Yet we have
only to watch any number of drug-smuggler movies to realize that all French cars,
including Peugeots, Renaults, and even Citroëns, are quite capable of short
bursts of airborne flight. This is all the more remarkable when one realizes that
a Citroën is only able to reach highway speeds on the ground when on a
downward slope exceeding 45 degrees. Thus, we may safely dismiss these skeptics
as flying reindeer deniers.

It has often been noted with some amusement that Bibbliani's luggage, like Lindbergh's,
was found to be missing after the flight. Some have speculated that, indeed,
his luggage, not Bibbliani himself, was the reindeer's real target. Dr Bibbliani was
known to have packed several kilograms of rock salt, which deer crave, in his suitcase.
However, as amusing as it may be for us, the reindeer incident only resulted in tragedy
for Dr Bibbliani. His reputation crushed by publicity about his reports of pink spotted
flying reindeer, Bibbliani later moved to Italy, where he joined Mussolini's Fascist
party.

How did reindeer evolve flight?

We are thus entitled to ask, how is the reindeer able to fly? Given that the
reindeer's torso is a heavier than air body with no wings and no recognizable
means of producing thrust, it is a challenging question indeed. Yet, like birds,
reindeer migrate. No creature could possibly be stupid enough to try to walk for
thousands of miles through three-foot-deep snow. Therefore, reindeer must,
somehow, be able to fly.

"Reindeer keep falling on my head!" --B. J. Thomas

Indeed, paleontologists believe that reindeer were originally arboreal creatures,
like the birds of today. In the distant past, reindeer would try to swoop down
from the trees to capture small prey animals such as mice. Unfortunately, since
they lacked wings and feathers, the first several million reindeer to try this
simply smashed into the ground--unfortunate, perhaps, for them, but fortunate for
paleontologists, because it created for us a rich if somewhat mangled fossil
record. Indeed, the earliest reindeer fossils gave a misleading picture of the
animal's shape, and early reconstructions of proto-reindeer sometimes showed a
unique morphology, with the head and antlers smooshed together
and attached to the chest cavity, with the four limbs spread out in a perfect
X-shape. Later fossils show that reindeer gradually learned to use what is
referred to as the "belly flop" or "belly smacker" and were able to land up
to two feet away from the tree trunk, indicating an angle of impact of two
or even in some cases three degrees. Gradually, using the tremendous power
of a mystical technique known as "positive thinking," reindeer evolved the
powerful magical levitation technique that they use today.

Some researchers point to the tree-branch-like antlers of reindeer as
evidence of a symbiotic relationship between reindeer and their arboreal
hosts. They suggest that the cells of reindeer, like some species of bacteria,
are able to exchange DNA with other cells, and their antlers are the result
of osmosis of tree DNA into the deer's genome. Given that these trees were
also undoubtedly full of birds, it is even possible, these scholars say, that
the deer could also have absorbed avian DNA molecules and thereby gained the
power of flight. They suggested, for example, that their large ears may act
as wings and the antlers served as stabilizing fins.

On the Aerodynamics of Flying Ungulates

Fig. 2 When a reindeer's velocity exceeds Mach 1, it will create a shock
wave. The nose deflection angle θ has a maximum value θmax,
above which no straight shockwave can exist. Instead, a curved shockwave is found
that is detached from the animal's body. If the reindeer's nose is too pointy,
the shockwave is straight and is attached to the animal's nose. In extreme cases,
this can create nasal congestion, inflammation, and reddening.

Aviation engineers, however, vehemently dispute this theory, pointing out that the
ears of a reindeer are inherently un-aerodynamic, and would have to flap over
36,700 times per minute to produce enough lift to raise a reindeer off the ground.
Similarly, even though the reindeer's trunk is unquestionably a lifting body,
it too has a distinctly un-aerodynamic shape. Ornithologists ridicule the idea
that a reindeer could fly using conventional means, because it is totally
lacking in feathers and, of course, lacks wings.

As a result, the idea that reindeer can fly by "positive thinking" has by default
become the dominant theory, and it has become the general consensus that anyone
skeptical about this theory should be categorized as a Positive Thinking Denier
and shunned by all correct-thinking World Citizens. Accordingly, the positive
thinkers have pressured scientific journals to prevent these negative-thinking
ignoramuses from publishing any results that might tend to disprove their theory,
and pressured university administrators to fire from their jobs anyone foolish
enough to try. They also issued a joint summary statement from the highly respected
United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Reindeer Change (IPRC) stating that

"All our friends believe this theory and those who don't are a bunch
of reactionary dummies, so there!"

In response, a group of 35,000 so-called reindeer change deniers signed a petition
which was remarkable in its simplicity, consisting of only five words:

"We are not, so there!"

So, given this background of high-level sophisticated intellectual and
scholarly debate on the subject, what are we to conclude about how reindeer
fly? There is some doubt about whether the positive thinking alone is capable
of generating sufficient kinetic energy to lift a reindeer. Unfortunately, it
will remain a mystery, and this writer is unable to
finish this article because I have just been fi
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