Louie Anderson’s Latest Amazon Purchases

Louie is a sucker for those Facebook ads that try to sell you things you’ve looked at on Amazon. For Louie that means sparkly shoes and Korean boxers.

TranscriptCONAN: YOU'RE A PRETTY BIG ONLINE SHOPPER IS THAT RIGHT?
LOUIE: YOU KNOW, AMAZON PRIME.
[APPLAUSE]
SEE?
AND I DIDN'T KNOW HOW -- LIKE, IT INVADES YOUR LIFE.
YOU'LL BE ON FACEBOOK AND GO, OH, AN AD FOR SPARKLY SHOES.
AND YOU KNOW, I ONLY LOOKED AT THE SHOES ONCE BUT YET, THEY COME AT YOU AGAIN.
YEAH.
I DIDN'T HAVE THESE AND THEY DIDN'T -- ACTUALLY, THEY WEREN'T DIAMOND-LIKE UNTIL I STEPPED INTO THEM.
[LAUGHTER]
ANOTHER UNDERNEATH.
CONAN: YEAH.
A LITTLE NUGGET IN THERE.
LOUIE: SO I'M COMING THROUGH IT AND THEY GO, BOXER BRIEFS, $1.97.
I GREW UP POOR AND RIGHT AWAY THE MOTHER PART OF ME, MY MOM --
HOW CAN THAT BE RIGHT?
$1.97.
THAT CAN'T BE, CAN IT?
I KNOW THEY WON'T HAVE MY SIZE SO I GO 6X.
QUIT PUTTING X'S ON THE CLOTHING, BY THE WAY.
PUT PICTURES OF MAMMALS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
DO YOU HAVE THIS IN A WILDEBEEST?
CONAN: 6X?
THAT WOULD BE HARD TO FIND.
LOUIE: YEAH, IT'S NOT EASY.
SO I GO $1.97?
I'M GETTING FIVE PAIR.
THAT'S UNDER $10.
FREE SHIPPING.
CONAN: YEAH.
LOUIE: SO I GET THEM.
I THOUGHT I'M BRING THEM WITH -- HERE ARE THE 6X.
CONAN: WHAT?
LOUIE: THEY'RE THE 6X.
THE 6X.
CONAN: THIS IS 6X?
LOUIE: YEAH.
BUT LOOK WHERE THEY'RE FROM.
CONAN: WHAT'S IT SAY?
LOUIE: HERE I THINK IT IS.
KOREA.
CONAN: OH.
LOUIE: THIS IS A 6X IN KOREA.
CONAN: THAT'S CRAZY.
INSANE.
LOUIE: ISN'T THAT WILD?
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, I HAVE A GOAL NOW.
ANDY: YEAH, YOU SPENT THE 10 BUCKS.
[APPLAUSE]
LOUIE: ANYWAY.
I COULDN'T SEND THEM BACK.
I JUST LOVE 'EM TOO MUCH.
JUST THE IDEA THAT THIS COULD BE WHAT I COULD LOOK LIKE.
CONAN: NOW YOU'RE KIND OF FONDLING THEM.
LOUIE: YEAH, SORRY.
CONAN: YOU AND I HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON, WHICH IS WE'RE BOTH -- I'VE HEARD YOU HAVE THIS EXPERIENCE TOO.
WE'RE TALLER THAN PEOPLE THINK WE ARE.
PEOPLE SEE ME ON TELEVISION AND THING I'M AVERAGE OR ABOVE AVERAGE.
THEN THEY SEE ME IN REAL LIFE AND THINK I'M SO MUCH TALLER.
I'VE HEARD THAT HAPPENS TO YOU.
LOUIE: YES, THEY'LL GO YOU'RE TALLER IN PERSON.
STILL FAT BUT TALLER.
AND PEOPLE WILL SAY WELL, I DON'T CARE FOR YOU BUT MY WIFE LOVES YOU.
CONAN: PEOPLE WILL CROSS A ROOM.
THEY SAY OTHER PEOPLE ARE MAKING A BIG DEAL OF IT BUT I JUST WANTED TO KNOW --
LOUIE: IT'S A HORRIBLE FEELING.
ALL THREE OF US HAVE BEEN FORTUNATE -- OH, SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
ANDY: I KNOW.
LOUIE: I DIDN'T.
I CAN'T SEE HIM BACK OF ME.
YOU GO WELL, TELL HER I SAID HI.
HE GOES, WELL, WE'RE NOT TOGETHER ANYMORE.
IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE.