The Fairytale

Was it a vision or a dream? Why am I compelled to write? I don’t know. Gaia’s words stream to paper.

She spoke of a compromise, the end of conflict — ancient to us — still new to her.

When ancient Troy fell (now rubble many times over), the war was already old. The Iliad spoke of the conflict, but Homer knew little. Beautiful Helen did exist, and the Mycenaean Greeks did come to retrieve her, but the battle was not over Helen. Not knowing that they did so, the Mycenaeans fought in the service of Artemis, the goddess of fertility. She sent them to destroy her hated nemesis, the Trojan god of infertility, Condom.

With Troy destroyed, Artemis achieved nearly a complete success. Worshippers of Condom had fallen in city after city, and in city after city the conquerors burned every idol, leaving no trace. So now we have only dim racial memories of the god Condom.

Who was Condom? Condom’s disciples once adored him in palatial temples, sacred brothels spread across the ancient world from Italy to India. In their brothels, Condom’s worshippers carefully constructed huge wooden phalluses stiff in erection. These they covered with molded rubber imported at great cost from India. The wooden phalluses served two purposes, both as objects of worship and as training displays. Using the phalluses, the temple priests and prostitutes illustrated the purpose and use of molded-rubber condoms. They explained that Condom is the god of safety and security. Condom could and would protect any thing wrapped in rubber blessed by his temple priests.

Because Condom is the god of infertility, the worshippers of Condom were always few in number and scattered here and there in small fortified towns. Arrogant in the knowledge of their invincibility, Condom’s rubber-armored soldiers established communities whatever they wished, but about a thousand years before the fall of Troy that arrogance begin to fade. To destroy the precious rubber plants that Condom’s followers needed, Artemis allied with Demeter, the goddess of the harvest, and the rubber harvest dwindled almost to nothing. Then Condom’s temple priests had nothing to bless, and his followers were without protection. His defeat complete, Condom fled.

For thousands of years the human population slowly exploded. The Earth moaned and cried in pain. War raged; armies trampled the plains. Factories of every description spilled their waste. But the worst of it was of the farms. Plows cut the earth, and farmers fought to destroy everything on their land except their crops.

Enter the goddess Gaia, the protector of the Earth. She restored the Trojan god Condom from exile and protected him, hiding him from Artemis. Meanwhile, in addition to restoring rubber production, Condom sought substitutes for his precious rubber condoms. He guided the mind of men in the art of abortion, and he helped his unknowing priesthood perfect a range of contraceptive devices: diaphragms, and the contraceptive sponge; hormonal contraception including oral pills, patches, vaginal rings, and injectable contraceptives; and intrauterine devices. Ironically, by using the products of the industry Gaia feared most of all, the Petroleum Industry, Condom achieved his greatest successes. That, of course, caused Gaia to look in askance at Condom, but wisely he just pointed to his success. Her most feared enemy would in greed contribute to the Earth’s salvation. Moreover, Condom could now wrap his soldiers in something stronger than rubber, kevlar.

The Moral Of The Fairytale

Within every tall tale is woven with a bit of truth. Even though they never existed, in ancient times men did believe in gods. The rubber tree exists, but it is native to South America. So we can rest assured the ancient Trojans never had latex condoms. Whether the Trojans ever might have made condoms out of something else, we can only speculate. Nonetheless, there is no reason to believe the priests of Condom ever blessed those condoms or that their soldiers fought encased in rubber.

Even without fairytales we mix mythology and fact. Therefore, silly Socialist Democrats hate the Petroleum industry, and they drool over the products that very same industry helps to make possible. Witness their worship of birth control and their adoration for the condom.

23 It is as sport to a fool to do wickedness; And so is wisdom to a man of understanding.

Many of the chemicals used to make birth control devices and pharmaceuticals come from the petroleum industry, but in their quest to stop the myth of global warming, the Socialist Democrats would destroy the entire fossil fuels industry. Before condemning any product (or industry), we need to separate myth from fact. Although pollution does exist, global warming is as mythical as the goddess Gaia and the god Condom. Therefore, destroying the fossil fuels industry risks creating more problems than it solves, and that’s true even from the perspective of silly Socialist Democrats.

“I hope we once again have reminded people that man is not free unless government is limited. There’s a clear cause and effect here that is as neat and predictable as a law of physics: as government expands, liberty contracts.” Ronald Reagan.