Dumbass Pages

Monday, January 7, 2013

Dead Guys Don't Cash Checks

Best of Dumbass News

For our Dumbass of the Day this morning, we travel once again to the
Sunshine State, where the sunshine is evidently rich in vitamin D - D
for dumbass. A dumbass lady who lives in the Florida panhandle town of
Milton, has been charged with Grand Theft after she wrote a check for
$1000 from her boyfriend's bank account. Her DEAD boyfriend's bank
account. Talk about your penalty for early withdrawal!

The
dumbass bimbo who perpetrated this outrageous crime is named Teresa.
Teresa's boyfriend died last February and being the dutiful "significant
other" that she is, Teresa paid for the guy's funeral, some outstanding
bills, property taxes and to get her car repaired. From his bank
account! Not that the boyfriend was complaining, being dead and all, but
Teresa , faithful gal that she was, took care of all these expenses to
the tune of $23,470 with forged checks. Teresa may be dutiful and
faithful, but, boy is she a dumbass. It was the aforementioned $1000
check that got her busted. When confronted by the police, Teresa told
them that she was "so scatterbrained" that she accidently put an extra
zero on the amount the check was written for. The cops, as you can
imagine, had some doubts as to the veracity of her claims. In other
words, one cop said to the other, "This is one dumbass woman". The other
cop replied, "Yep" and they arrested Teresa for Grand Theft and being a
dumbass without a license.

Maybe one of you Bible
scholars out there can put me some knowledge. Ain't there a Commandment
or something in the Good Book about stealing from the dead? If there's
not, there ought to be. I think I'll have to get on the phone with the
Pope later today and lay down the smack about robbing the dearly
departed and what in the name of all that is Holy can we do about this
kind of thing. Can we "create" a Special Place in Hell where you have to
listen to Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber for eternity? Barring that,
this dumbass broad could be given a job in Washington, D.C. as a
salesperson for ObamaCare. Now that's a fate worse than death or The Joy
Behar Show played on a continuous loop til the end of time. My advice
to this pea brained amoeba is to seek salvation ASAP. Some fates are
worse than death, Miley and Justin rolled into one, but NOTHING is worse
than that Godless skank and all around vile bitch Joy Behar. NOTHING.