I Need an Adjective

The other day, I saw the future in an ice cream shop. Three teenaged boys were trying to impress the teenaged girl behind the counter. As a result, they spent more time picking out scoops of chocolate chip mint than they'll likely put into finding suitable colleges. At least, it felt that way. But thanks to them, I decided to capture a moment with my tweens while I still can. It just wasn't the moment I imagined.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

Watching those teenagers made me realize I have a short time until I lose my boys to impressing girls in ice cream shops. So after Cub Scouts one afternoon, I treated my two sons and their nine-year-old friend at the very same ice cream shop. Turns out, it wasn't much of a treat for me.

"Hey, Mad Libs!" one kid shouted as he discovered the pad of word games on the floor of my mini-van. "Let's play!"

More From Good Housekeeping

I groaned. I knew what was coming.

"I need an adjective," my son announced.

"Poopy!" another kid answered. And then they all giggled as though this was the most clever and funny reply in the history of childhood.

I groaned again.

"A body part!" my son snickered. A boy – the one not related to me, I might add – stage whispered a suggestion one might hear at the urologist's office. Then they all giggled again.

I turned up the radio.

By the time we got to the ice cream shop, they'd shouted out more bodily functions than you'd see in an Adam Sandler movie. They were giggling so hard, they could barely walk through the parking lot. I hoped they'd calm down inside the shop, so we could have that special moment I'd been planning.

But after we ordered our ice cream, I spent 10 minutes imploring them to sit down to eat and to lick the bottom of their ice cream before it …ugh! … drips on their pants… ugh! … again. Then I watched them stuff their mouths with gumballs purchased with quarters they'd apparently been amassing in the back of my car for months.

When we got back into my mini-van, they played Mad Libs again, this time, with not one, but two giant gumballs in each of their mouths. And let me tell you, there's nothing like watching someone shout, "Butt!" through an oversized wad of blue bubble gum.

I need an adjective to describe my afternoon with my boys and their friend. I know: "disappointing." Or how about "exhausting"? Certainly, "gross." All I know is, after all that, the future looks "serene," if not "downright pleasant." After all, they'll never impress girls with that vocabulary.