At home with two young children I have very little space for the loud 45-minute wild ride that the fiery Dragon Shakti Breathing practice can be. That is why I gave myself the space to go on retreat and immerse myself in the safe space of a sanctified holy sacred circle. Here is my journal entry about what occurred during my Womb Awakening Dragon Shakti Breathing session there.

Temple of the Feminine Arts at Prama Institute, Asheville NC

Fertility Goddess Mother Shakti Dragon Healing

Breathing in, in, in. Exhaling out. I make the commitment to myself to keep breathing the dragon breath. Drop deeper and dive into the fire of the Dragon Shakti Breathing practice. I allow my body to undulate, tipping my pelvis as I exhale and arching my back—heart opening—as I inhale, inhale, inhale. This is what I came here to do. To be in my body. To feel. It’s safe to feel this now.

Breathing down, the breath of Dragon Shakti filling my root, pushing, descending, drawing out the muscle memory of sexual abuse, birthing the release of what was taken in, in an instant, so long ago. An instant of pain, confusion, not-knowing innocence, embarrassment and quiet, quiet, silent endless shame that shut down my body. I must not move. I must not breathe. I must not be seen. Nor heard.

Frozen. I commit to keep breathing. Then like the sudden urge to push, suddenly I breathe out a dragon fire of rage I didn’t even know I had held in my root for the sexual abuse I experienced, rage for the sexual abuse I didn’t even know to call sexual abuse, rage for the shame I endured and kept inside for 40 years. I was an active volcano dormant for 40 years suddenly woke and pissed off. An outraged She-Dragon incinerating the experience from her body. Ashes for the earth.

After touching and awakening and healing that place deep within my root, I felt the grief and sadness and love for the child within. So much love for her. I kept coming back to the sweetness of that love for myself as I birthed her out of my womb, she who endured and slept for 40 years, born covered in the black caul, the shadow that had enshrouded her all this time. A child within a woman’s body, newborn. I reached for her and brought her to rest on my heart in my embrace. I continue the Dragon Shakti Breathing practice while weeping sobbing tears of relief, still shedding grief in waves that release down and out of me, and feeling joy fill me, the joy of reunion and homecoming.

The powerful ride of breathing inside this Dragon was just getting started. As I continued to breathe and embrace and caress this woman-child I’d just given birth to, I began to feel something more wanting to birth from my womb. Over the next several minutes I birthed the shadow bodies of the first three babies that had lived within me but had been scraped from their nest in my womb while I was asleep. Literately and figuratively, I had been asleep, completely checked out and numb to the loss my body, spirit and feminine consciousness had experienced 29, 26 and 21 years ago. Recently, I have been wanting—yet resisting—to do a ceremony for them. Imagine the joy and gratitude I felt come over me as they were born on the breath of this dragon. As I did with my inner child, I reached for each tiny little black shadow and brought the three of them into my hearts’ embrace. All five of us together, held in the loving arms of Divine Mother.

As I continued breathing I became the Great Mother-Birther, a humongous larger-than-life Venus of Willendorf. I felt myself grow, expanding, filling the space of my body and ka body with huge round full breasts, and full round belly. I could feel the weight of me, of my enormous thighs and buttocks, and the heaviness of my shoulders resting deeply upon the earth. I continued the Dragon Shakti Breathing. I embodied the great fertility goddess that births all. The archetype of the universal mother.

I continued the breathing practice, sounding on the exhale this entire time. I began to let sound vibrate on the inhale too. Moving my hands across the massive body of this Earth Mother Goddess, caressing all her curves and mass, I began to laugh. Breathing in, in, in and then cackling, and then bellowing with laughter, laughter vibrating every particle of my being. Feeling the magnificence of feeling and being, alive and joyful. I don’t even know what the joke was that prompted the laughter — it was pure energy. The chi of joy flowing through my body with every breath. My body moving freely, newly liberated, resurrected, feeling my sensual aliveness with such a pleasure of embodiment. The shame had left me and in its place true freedom resounding in joy!

As my beautiful teacher, Sister Goddess Seren, says, our stories are sacred and they need to be told. The voice of our stories have the power to heal others in resonance.

We were born to embody this experience on earth, to feel great joy. It is our birthright and my prayer. My Dragon Shakti prayer of resurrection and rebirth. May it be rooted in the earth and birthed through the womb.

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