I’M JUST SAYING: Eternal struggle–cats versus dogs

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One of the most highly debated topics of our time: which are better? Cats or dogs? I feel like it’s time to give both a fair amount of judging and finally give an answer. This is entirely subjective, so don’t take my views as truth. They’re pretty good views, though, so pay attention.

Let’s start off with man’s best friend and man’s best vacuum for food dropped on the floor–dogs. They come in all shapes and sizes, so I can’t judge them all as one. However, I can at least say that the Weimaraner and the border collie are some of the best breeds. I own both, and they’re good dogs, except for the times where they try to do something stupid, like eat a wheelbarrow. My border collie actually tried that once–she has an iron stomach.

You might be asking yourself–“what’s next? A paragraph about cats?” To that I say no! There’s more about our wonderful canine companions that I need to discuss. Dogs are some of the smartest animals on the planet. You could train a dog to do anything as long as it doesn’t involve the use of thumbs. Dogs work as seeing-eye companions to the blind, assistants to police officers and more. I hope that one day, instead of robots ruling everything in our society as feared by every dystopian novel ever, dogs will rule everything instead.

Cats. What can I say about them? What beautiful, majestic creatures. They’re perfect killing machines, concealed inside small adorable bodies that we can pick up and cuddle. I commend them for being able to deal with us on the daily and still sleep 12-16 hours a day. My best friends happen to be cats, which sounds really depressing when I write it out!

While cats can’t serve as many functions in society as dogs do, they are great companions. Cats won’t turn on you or spill your greatest secrets. That’s why I tell everything to my precious baby Velvet, a Siamese tabby. Let me rephrase that–I tell her everything but my social media passwords. I fear seeing what kind of gibberish generated by laying on a keyboard would appear if my cats got a hold of my social media accounts.

Finally, I shall bestow upon you my verdict on the eternal debate about fluffy animals. I believe both are perfect and deserve all of our respect. I will bet you’re feeling a bit cheated now, realizing that you read all this way only to be given an inconclusive answer. However, the answer lies inside you, my friend. Are you looking for a playful, active friend ready to defend you from every doorbell, mailman and squirrel in existence? Or do you prefer the company of a quiet friend and natural predator of toy mice, calming you with soft purrs? Once you answer that question, the answer will be revealed to you as plain as day.