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The summer holidays

we are about halfway through the summer holidays- there are 3 weeks left.

I have started to write 3 separate blog posts and abandoned them. I have been throughly exhausted and not sure if my thoughts would have been taken the way they were intended.

So if you read this and are instantly upset or annoyed about a statement I make, please remember that it comes from an exhausted mind and may not be meant in the sense it comes across.

There are a couple of main things that I have been thinking about over the last few weeks. Like school. September is Dinky’s third term at this school, if she makes it past October half term (which is much more likely than her making it to the end of the third term at her previous school), then this will be there longest school placement Dinky has had.

It was very clear that she was not wanted by the two mainstreams she was in. It was also very clear that the second mainstream didn’t like being told the law surrounding their jobs by a mother either!

So it is really going to be different this year. Dinky is going into the same class, but just 3 of them (2 boys have moved up in the school) where there will be the same teacher and 4 teaching assistants. One will be with Dinky everyday, they rotate them in the class so that none of the kids get too attached and that way if someone leaves or is off sick or on holiday then the kids are used to the other TA’s in the class. They work as one big unit.

I’m hoping that because this will be a longer placement that the school will pick up on the regressions Dinky has in terms of her writing and other skills. I want to show the ‘lack of practise’ excuse doesn’t work here! One of the most known phrases is ‘it’s like riding a bike’ meaning that once you learn you dont forget- unless you happen to be Dinky who learnt to ride last year and had to be retaught this summer which annoyed her to no end and she threw the bike to one side annoyed that she couldn’t still do it.

I have tried to contact camhs as I thought this was typical of ASD, but apparently it might not be, so I tried to contact them 2 weeks ago and have heard nothing back, which should surprise me, however I still haven’t received written confirmation from them about Dinky’s ADHD diagnosis.

Dinky’s next few IEP meetings should be interesting as will her statement annual review next year.
Something that cropped up this weekend was misbehaviour outside of ASD-PDA/ADHD/SPD.

Now I want this to be clear- just because Dinky was diagnosed with these conditions it does not mean she somehow became the perfect child unable to show typical boundary pushing, acting the clown, and other general misbehaviour that typical 7 year olds are capable of!

Being autistic does not mean she can, for example- get away with soaking me while at Legoland for fun. It was not anxiety, sensory, or avoidance- it was something she did for the hell of it, grinning and giggling and yes she was told off in a way that possibly didn’t help her anxiety, but hey, I’m not perfect either!

This is one of those parenting things that is MUCH HARDER when you are a parent of a child with additional needs. Working out what is related to their conditions and out of their control and what needs to be dealt with more typically as our jobs as parents is to teach our kids that some things are unacceptable, they are not born with that knowledge. And while typical kids pick up on that easier, kids with ASD/ADHD and other additional needs may need to be taught this differently or it may take longer for them to understand.

Having a child with additional needs doesn’t stop them being accountable for their actions within their control or take away our jobs as parents of teaching our kids right from wrong.

To the outside world, this can seem odd, I will not tell Dinky off for lashing out in sensory overload or meltdown, but I will for squirting me with water.

The first was out of Dinky’s control, the second was within her control. My job is to work out which is which and teach her accordingly.
I’m going to have to leave this blog post here, because dinky wants me to join her in her game (which means sitting there watching her intently play a game which doesn’t involve me but I have to be the audience)

One thought on “The summer holidays”

I know exactly what you mean by all of this – including the pushing the bike to one side out of desperation! It’s a tricky thing, learning what is down to their disability and what is down to typical pushing the boundaries, and we can’t be expected to always get it right, but it is important to try. I always say that my girl knows right from wrong, and how to be polite etc – she is very rarely intentionally rude but of course others who don’t see her all he time can’t possibly understand… We can only try our best 😌

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Pblogger

Thoughts on the crossroads of law, politics and society - for when 140 characters just won't do. This blog contains general information and commentary on legal matters. It is not intended to provide legal advice. This blog discusses the law in England, unless otherwise stated.

Hello, my name is Julia and I’m an adult living with a diagnosis of Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). I also have a diagnosis of ADHD and Psychotic Episodes. PDA is a lifelong Pervasive Developmental Disorder and was first described by the late Prof. Elizabeth Newson in 1980. PDA is an Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Despite PDA being older than me (just) there are still massive gaps in its recognition, peoples’ understanding and its diagnosis by professionals. I’m one of the lucky ones and this is my story…….