(12-12-2013 10:12 AM)WitchSabrina Wrote: Those of us who had more than 2 kids have got you covered. Worry not. If you don't want kiddos - don't have em?

no problem

Yeah, but that's not the general attitude. In my generation it was unthinkable - it could not have been choice! Something had to have been wrong with poor me. Poor woman can't have kids. I still gather pity from new people I meet.

"Oh no, you never had children! I am so sorry!"

Pfffftt!

The wife and I are about that age where the transition from "when are you having kids" becomes "You don't have kids? Is everything (points down) ok?"

The first time someone said that to us, I had a very mixed reaction. My first reaction was to laugh loudly and say, "oh, everything is working exactly as we want it to". My second reaction was a mix of annoyance and anger. It's none of your damn business how our parts are functioning. And if there were a problem with one of us and we DID want kids, bringing up stuff like that is kinda a dick move.

I feel for people who want kids but can't have them for medical reasons. I saw it tear apart a friend's marriage because he was sterile. It seems that bringing up their reproductive problems, even in sympathy, wouldn't exactly help the situation.

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister

(13-12-2013 01:30 AM)Juv Wrote: I used to feel that way, but now I'm not so sure.

Please, elaborate.

I don't know what necessarily makes a person mentally ready to have kids. There are those who are too mentally deficient to be parents, but that's different. Our society puts too much emphasis on impossible perfection in some ways - e.g. perfect bodies, perfect minds, perfect neighbors, perfect careers, and this goes for parenting also. "Average" parenting ability (which most people have) is good enough.

Probably.

Being financially ready is much easier to identify, but the same shit applies.

(15-12-2013 02:48 AM)Juv Wrote: I don't know what necessarily makes a person mentally ready to have kids. There are those who are too mentally deficient to be parents, but that's different. Our society puts too much emphasis on impossible perfection in some ways - e.g. perfect bodies, perfect minds, perfect neighbors, perfect careers, and this goes for parenting also. "Average" parenting ability (which most people have) is good enough.

I don't think anybody expects people to be perfect before they become parents. (Actually, I'm pretty sure a perfect parent has never existed.) But as someone ages, they learn more about the world and are therefor would make a better parent.

Or at least I know a shit ton of my friends, family and coworkers who should have waited much longer before they started having kids.

1) "Parents: what is the most effective method/product you have found for removing infant poop stains from clothing?"

2) "Was just given notification recently that [daughter's name] may have come in contact with lice. Commence burning everything I own in gasoline. And, shaving my head after dousing that in gasoline as well."

3) "'Mommy my tummy feels awkward' is now a much hated phrase in my house..... The upside, every surface in my bathroom has now been scrubbed and sanitized"

I responded the same way to each: "When you say 'I don't know what I'm missing,' is this the kind of thing you're talking about?

So yeah...reproducing is overrated, but it's a lot of fun to go through the motions.

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

If I had had kids in my 20s, they would likely be a mess. In my 30s, I think I would have been a good mother.

There is also such a thing as financial stability. If you live hand in mouth, a kid is very hard to raise and you are paying all your attention to the bare essentials. Once you are financially stabilized, you have more actual time to spend with your kid.

Kids from financially solvent households do better in school. That is not because the parents can buy stuff, it is because they have time and the disposition to spend more time with their kid.

Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man

(12-12-2013 10:17 AM)Dom Wrote: Yeah, but that's not the general attitude. In my generation it was unthinkable - it could not have been choice! Something had to have been wrong with poor me. Poor woman can't have kids. I still gather pity from new people I meet.

"Oh no, you never had children! I am so sorry!"

Pfffftt!

The wife and I are about that age where the transition from "when are you having kids" becomes "You don't have kids? Is everything (points down) ok?"

The first time someone said that to us, I had a very mixed reaction. My first reaction was to laugh loudly and say, "oh, everything is working exactly as we want it to". My second reaction was a mix of annoyance and anger. It's none of your damn business how our parts are functioning. And if there were a problem with one of us and we DID want kids, bringing up stuff like that is kinda a dick move.

I feel for people who want kids but can't have them for medical reasons. I saw it tear apart a friend's marriage because he was sterile. It seems that bringing up their reproductive problems, even in sympathy, wouldn't exactly help the situation.

It is none of their damned business and I'm sorry people are so baby-crazy that they assume you're having them OR they assume if you're not that everything is not ok (points) down there. That attitude is hurtful, arrogant and ignorant.

(13-12-2013 08:27 AM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote: The wife and I are about that age where the transition from "when are you having kids" becomes "You don't have kids? Is everything (points down) ok?"

The first time someone said that to us, I had a very mixed reaction. My first reaction was to laugh loudly and say, "oh, everything is working exactly as we want it to". My second reaction was a mix of annoyance and anger. It's none of your damn business how our parts are functioning. And if there were a problem with one of us and we DID want kids, bringing up stuff like that is kinda a dick move.

I feel for people who want kids but can't have them for medical reasons. I saw it tear apart a friend's marriage because he was sterile. It seems that bringing up their reproductive problems, even in sympathy, wouldn't exactly help the situation.

Sorry that so many people give you a hard time. The kids/no kids question was asked in our family but either answer was acceptable. I have 3 uncles (mom & dads side) that never married, never had children. My oldest brother & sister have followed that path (although my sister has had the same significant other for 30 years). The choice of no kids always seemed equally acceptable. And now that I think about it, we all kinda of looked at my baby-factory sister in law (7 kids) with the 'she's crazy' attitude, even though I come from 5 in my own family. HA!

(13-12-2013 08:27 AM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote: The wife and I are about that age where the transition from "when are you having kids" becomes "You don't have kids? Is everything (points down) ok?"

The first time someone said that to us, I had a very mixed reaction. My first reaction was to laugh loudly and say, "oh, everything is working exactly as we want it to". My second reaction was a mix of annoyance and anger. It's none of your damn business how our parts are functioning. And if there were a problem with one of us and we DID want kids, bringing up stuff like that is kinda a dick move.

I feel for people who want kids but can't have them for medical reasons. I saw it tear apart a friend's marriage because he was sterile. It seems that bringing up their reproductive problems, even in sympathy, wouldn't exactly help the situation.

It is none of their damned business and I'm sorry people are so baby-crazy that they assume you're having them OR they assume if you're not that everything is not ok (points) down there. That attitude is hurtful, arrogant and ignorant.

That's my family, though. They all LOOOOOVE Jesus and babies. The fact that my wife and I want nothing to do with either is a constant source of strain. We have a code word, that when uttered, means "get your shit, we're leaving, no questions." We don't use it often, but often enough that we don't stay at family gatherings long.

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister

(16-12-2013 06:53 AM)Bows and Arrows Wrote: Sorry that so many people give you a hard time. The kids/no kids question was asked in our family but either answer was acceptable. I have 3 uncles (mom & dads side) that never married, never had children. My oldest brother & sister have followed that path (although my sister has had the same significant other for 30 years). The choice of no kids always seemed equally acceptable. And now that I think about it, we all kinda of looked at my baby-factory sister in law (7 kids) with the 'she's crazy' attitude, even though I come from 5 in my own family. HA!

Hah, I have 8 aunts and 8 uncles on my mom's side (my g'ma had 8 kids) and ALL of them have at least 2 kids (my mom also had 8). Growing up I actually don't believe I knew of any adults who didn't have kids or weren't planning to have one/some. Come to think of it I probably didn't even realize it was an option of living a happy life until I was in my 20s.

I'm a bit amazed looking back on it, because now I look at my friends, and I can't imagine half of them ever being parents haha. Don't get me wrong, they are great people, nothing wrong with em. Just parenting is a different beast.