A Night in Valhalla

(dimachaerus: noun -- Roman gladiator who fought with two weapons - a sword in each hand)

*

Valhalla is a place that exists only to those who are chosen.

It is said by many that you can't buy your way into heaven. The same thing could also be said about Valhalla, however there is one interesting distinction between the two that should be made.

While according to Christian doctrine 'It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the gates of heaven', that same rich man will have no problem at all passing through the gates of Valhalla.

Let me clarify things for you just a little. I am not referring to the historical Norse concept of the after-life.

No.

The Valhalla I am referring to is a very real, and tangible structure of wood and stone. It has an address but it is far more than just a location. It can be a place where dreams come true.

If you meet the strict membership criteria then maybe even you too will pass through it's gates one day.

Only the truly blessed however, may actually call themselves 'members', but fear not, for those that don't quite make the grade there is also another way to enter paradise.

If you are gifted and have something that others desire then you may pass through the gates on the strength of that gift as an 'associate'.

I don't expect any of you to understand fully what I'm referring to yet because only the 'chosen' know about Valhalla. If you do not know already, then you were never intended to.

So........What is Valhalla?

As I mentioned before, to most, it is simply the Norse word for the after-life.

But, to a few of us that word means so much more. A society. A way of life.

Some might even call it a club. It is a place and an idea all rolled into one.

Most importantly of all....it is a secret.

Should it come to pass that you are welcomed into that secret world you will have no idea of it's existence until the day you are contacted by one of it's members. That is the way it has always been. Until now.

The day you discover that you have been accepted into Valhalla is a very strange day indeed.

First will come the inevitable questions.

'What the hell is Valhalla and how can I be accepted into something I've never even heard of, let alone applied for?'

As I said earlier, it is a place that exists only to those who are chosen.

The answers I'm about to give you may be shocking to some.

People who attain a certain kind of power and influence within society tend to draw a lot of attention to themselves. With wealth and success also comes fame and notoriety, but this my friends, is a double edged sword.

Those wealthy and famous people can't engage in the kind of activities that the rest of us enjoy in our blissful anonymity.

Suddenly all those sexual activities and unorthodox fetishes that they once practised and enjoyed become dangerous liabilities. Liabilities that could destroy their reputation and perhaps even their business.

The solution to this dilemma was Valhalla.

Nobody has ever turned down their acceptance into this select club.

There are many reasons for this interesting fact. Once someone discovers the truth then they are inevitably drawn in right from the start.

Who wouldn't be? The Valhalla Club is like a 'Disney Land' for the rich and famous. Every ride and attraction that was not available to them in the past is suddenly made possible.

There is also a darker side to all of this of course.

All members are nominated without their knowledge and a strict screening process ensues.

Membership is only offered to those who are almost certain to accept it.

The reasons behind this process are obvious.

Turning down such an opportunity and exposing the existence of Valhalla to the world would invoke the anger and retribution of some of the most powerful people in society.

It is best just to accept your invitation and enjoy the privileges that it brings, that's the smart move. The only move.

More than a few multi million dollar deals have been brokered within the walls of the Valhalla club while it's patrons enjoyed it's hospitality.

It has become the place where the rich and powerful interact without any limitations.

I should point out there is nothing much that is illegal about what goes on at Valhalla because there doesn't need to be. The effects from your first brush with that world are far more profound than any drug.

There are no questions about morality. No judgements will be made about you.

What happens at Valhalla stays at Valhalla.

To be accepted as a member means to be connected. It's a fast-track to success for those who show promise.

It's a way for like minded people to associate with kindred souls.

My initiation to this world came at a heavy price.

Ironically, it was the worst day of my life that resulted in my acceptance into the fold.

I'm no 'Donald Trump' but I have done okay for myself. I discovered at an early age how to get onto the 'Property Ladder' and how to climb it.

I bought and sold properties quickly until I had made my first million at 28 and now at age 34 my net worth was closer to the 15 million range.

You would think that my dating problems would disappear once I had achieved that kind of success, but unfortunately the opposite was true.

I pride myself of being a good judge of character. Maybe that was the problem. I was too good at it.

None of the women I met gave a damn about me. Oh sure, they played the part and feigned concern with practised skill, but I could always see the truth of it in their eyes. When they looked at me all they saw was a dollar sign.

Without wishing to boast I'd like to point out that I'm rather a handsome devil. I dress well. I work out religiously. I eat strictly.

Strangely, I did far better with women when I had no money. Let me be more specific. I did far better with the women that I was attracted to.

Real. Genuine. Interested in me and not my wallet.

Lately things had taken a turn that I did not expect. All the real and genuine women that I loved so much considered me to be out of their league.

I was now being targeted by an endless series of money grabbing gold diggers. None of them gave a damn about me, they were just trying to 'land' me as if I was their own personal 'White Whale'.

As a wise person once said, "Money can't buy you happiness, but it will let you park your yacht next to it." I'd like to buy whoever said that a drink.

I'm still just a man and I have desires and needs.

One night I had what I like to refer to as my 'Patrick Bateman' moment.

I just got sick of being so alone, and so, for the first time in my life I ordered a call-girl.

A very expensive and high-priced call-girl.

I remember making that call to the agency vividly. I recall the words that came out of my mouth, but to this day I still don't know where they came from.

"Aw hell, you know what?" I had said trying to sound like I had done this a million times before. "Send me two girls. A blonde and a brunette. Can you do that?"

"Certainly Mr Shaw, we will send Amber and Tiffany to you right away."

Well, that was how it all began. I can trace my downward slide into infamy back to that one conversation.

I remember actually popping some Viagra for the first time in my life that night and it wasn't because I had ever needed it before.

I was afraid that my intense nervousness at bedding two women at the same time would kill my performance.

My ego was getting the better of me. I wanted to be able fuck and then come and then keep on fucking immediately.

I wanted to prove that I could not only fuck two women, but that I could do it until the both of them were spent in every way.

I more or less re-created a certain scene from the movie 'American Psycho' right there in my bedroom. I did decide however, not to play the song 'Susudio' by Phil Collins in the background. That would have been a little too much.

I'm proud to say that I gave 'Pat Bateman' a run for his money. I took both girls in turns and then I took them both together. Viagra is such a bizarre drug. The human male is not designed to be able to fuck for four hours solid but that's exactly what I did.

Poor little Amber and Tiffany probably didn't walk straight for days after that.

I had successfully ticked my 'American Psycho' experience off my bucket list. (Now if I could just find a business card printer that uses a 'scilian rail' font then I'll finally be complete...and yes..I have tried).

Little did I know then, that there would be a huge price to pay for my night with Tiffany and Amber.

About a month after that night, the escort agency was raided by the police. The media frenzy that followed the raid effectively ended the careers and marriages of many men (and one or two women).

New revelations seemed to come out almost daily in the media. A who's who of the business world began to emerge amongst the clientèle.

As you can imagine, I was petrified that the details of that one night would emerge, but I was also confident that because I was such a relative nobody compared to the other names on the list, nobody would know who I was or even care.

It was, of all publications, my community newspaper that picked up the ball and ran with it in the end.

I can't even begin to explain what seeing that headline felt like. My blood ran cold as I saw an old picture of myself taken five years ago underneath those words.

It felt like my life was over.

The only positive result from all of this was that those shallow gold diggers clutching their Louis Vuitton purses began to avoid me at all costs, but then again, so did everyone else.

Being a pariah isn't good for your state of mind or your bank account.

Just when I thought my spirits couldn't sink any lower I received the letter that would change everything.

My first contact with Valhalla.

About two weeks after the news paper story ran, a registered letter was sent to my personal home address. That troubled me at first. I always had my personal mail directed to my business address. The location of my home was something I only shared with close friends and family, but somehow, these people knew it.

I turned over the envelope in my hand. It was very official looking and it was actually fastened by one of those old wax security seals. You just don't see those any more in the second decade of the 21st century.

I immediately assumed it was just a very elaborate wedding invitation, but as I read it's contents, I discovered something far more intriguing.

The letter read as follows:

'Valhalla welcomes you.

We here at Valhalla were sorry to read of your recent troubles in the media, but we are also happy to inform you that after your nomination by a mutual associate, you have been accepted as a member into our exclusive organisation of business professionals.

Your recent troubles would not have occurred had you already been a member of our elite organisation, but we can assure you that you need never deal with those issues again.

Simply respond to this letter via the web address given. Once there, enter your personal code provided here and you will be directed to your own exclusive (and confidential) web page.

Once again, congratulations Mr Shaw and welcome to the family.'

Well, as you can imagine I immediately typed that web address into my laptop and entered my personal code as instructed. What I discovered was what seemed to be a security coded website dedicated just to me.

Christ I had given some slick business presentations in my time but this was a whole new level of sophistication.

"How on earth did they do this?" I mouthed to myself in wonder.

The site contained a full business profile of my career up until now and their research had uncovered things that very few people knew.

There were no privacy breaches contained in that profile. Technically everything they presented was information in the 'public domain', but they would have had to have done some slick research to be as thorough as that.

I noticed straight away that my website had an e-mail in-box that contained one new message. I opened it right away.

'Welcome to your personal profile site Mr Shaw. You may share it with whomever you wish within the Valhalla community.

We are many things to many people. We are a means by which members can facilitate their business dealings, but perhaps the greatest service we offer is to provide a secure environment.

Within this environment our members may indulge in what ever legal activity they wish.

They need only to express their wishes and Valhalla will make it happen. We can usually accommodate most requests at no additional cost to the annual membership fee.

More complex requests are considered on a case by case basis.

At our head office you may enjoy opportunities that were previously unavailable or perhaps unwise for a figure of public standing to undertake. Your recent problems in the media would indicate you are one such individual.

While enjoying our facilities you may also care to conduct business with our other members. We pride ourselves on being the most exclusive and confidential organisation for success oriented people.

Discretion is our guiding principle.

Naturally an annual fee is required for membership. Your latest profit listing and predicted income over the next financial year would indicate that your annual fee to Valhalla would constitute no more than 5% of your predicted profit for the coming year.

It is also predicted that your membership in Valhalla alone will generate an additional 20% on top of your current profit margin. Other members have already expressed interest in doing business with you.

It seems, Mr Shaw, that you are fortunate indeed.'

I stopped reading right there and began to crunch some numbers. Using the percentages they had given I calculated their annual fee to be in the range of around two hundred thousand dollars.

"This must be a scam" I actually said out loud to myself.

Sure they could talk the talk and make a slick presentation, but I had seen good people fall for far simpler cons than this.

There was something unnerving about all of this too. Part of me actually felt like this might be legit and that worried me even more.

I ruled out the Freemasons and the Scientologists right away.

No offence to Scientology but I have no desire to build up my 'Thetan' level or follow the teachings of Galactic Alien Lord Xenu. I'm already crystal clear thank-you very much.

'Maybe this is just the new Amway pitch' I thought with a slight chuckle.

The final part of the e-mail brought the message home to me and right then and there I resolved to dig a little more and follow the rabbit hole just a little deeper.

Even if this was a scam, it was still the most entertaining one I had ever seen.

I read on.

'I know you must be curious to know more Mr Shaw. We are happy to provide those answers. With that in mind a limousine will be sent to your residence at 8pm this Saturday the 24th. You will be taken on a tour of our head office where you will meet fellow members and associates.

I trust that it will be an enlightening experience. We are so very anxious to meet you.

Dress code is formal/casual. Ties and jackets are mandatory attire for male members. Once inside you may discard your Jacket, but a shirt and tie must still be worn in most areas.

I'm sure you will agree that appearances are important Mr Shaw.

Sincerely and with respect.

T. Morgane

Member Liaison Service.

VALHALLA LLC.'

How do you react to an e-mail like that? What do you say?

For me the choice was an easy one.

Hell yes I was going to attend! Try and stop me!

Bring on the limousines and all the hospitality you want. It doesn't mean I'm going to join your little secret society but I'm going to make sure I have fun finding out about it.

Maybe Valhalla was just a billionaire boys club with delusions of grandeur or maybe, just maybe, it was something more.

Either way, I was about to find out.

By the time Saturday had arrived my curiosity was killing me. As promised a brand new, black limo pulled up outside my house at precisely 8pm.

The uniformed driver immediately got out and took off his cap before opening the passenger door and waiting patiently without a single word or gesture.

I needed no prompting.

"Compliments of Valhalla Sir." he said courteously as I took a seat in the luxurious interior.

I had taken the advice given to me about my attire to heart. I wore a smart pin-striped 'Hugo-Boss' suit. While it was technically 'off the rack' and not tailor made it still fit me as if it had been made to measure.

I've seen one or two 'Saville Row' suits in my time that looked terrible and to my mind a good suit is a good suit no matter who put it together.

In less than thirty minutes the limo pulled up beside a building that, ironically, I knew very well.

It was the Forsythe building, a forty storey complex that housed the offices of some of the most successful companies in town.

I had conducted business inside this building many times before, but this time I wouldn't be entering through the front door but an entrance that I had never seen before.

The limo turned down a side alley before driving through a set of security gates that hid a very private courtyard.

Two security guards flanked a secure looking door and standing in front of them all was one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. A dark eyed brunette wearing a black one piece dress that seemed to have been tailored to accentuate her natural curves.

She smiled and delicately lifted her hand in a gesture of a handshake as I exited the limo.

"Mr Shaw...." Her tone was warm and inviting. "My name is Tara Morgane. I will be your guide and host for this evening."

"Very pleased to make your acquaintance," I replied not even trying to hide my pleasure at our meeting.

Her skin felt unusually soft as I gently shook her hand.

"We here at Valhalla have been very anxious to meet you."

"Likewise." was my brief reply.

"Please follow me Mr Shaw. There are one or two security measures to go through before you may enter the inner areas, but that will only take a few moments."

"I'm in your hands." I replied.

The outer door opened inwards and my host and I stepped into what looked like an inner cloakroom. Another beautiful woman wearing the same dress as Miss Morgane stood behind a reception desk. A sturdy leather bound box was placed on the counter in front of me.

"All of your personal items such as mobile phones, watches and wallets will need to be placed inside the box for safe keeping," Miss Morgane informed me in an even tone before explaining further.

"This is to ensure our members are safe at all times. No electronic devices that could potentially be used to record audio or video files can be permitted to enter the premises."

"Does this place have security cameras inside that record what goes on?" I asked immediately. It seemed a relevant question even though in reality I had no idea what really went on in this place yet.

"A very good question Mr Shaw. The answer is no. Nothing is recorded. Valhalla is totally secure in every way. Daily sweeps are done for recording or bugging devices of any kind.

Many members use their own security teams to do an independent sweep of the premises. We welcome such searches. We are happy to comply with any outside checks that will convince our members that we are totally secure and safe."

"I must have visited this building a thousand times but I've never seen any of this" I said trying not to sound impressed.