Free. Starbucks. For. Life. This Is Not A Drill.

Leave it to Starbucks to ring in peppermint season with a holiday miracle only rivaled by the birth of Jesus himself. No, Starbucks doesn’t have plans to set up shop next to your bed or start providing free PSLs in IV form as a part of Obamacare (my email to the White House remains unanswered). Remember to exhale here, ladies, because this is about to turn your otherwise OCD-organized world upside down: in a month’s time, you could be the winner of free Starbucks for life.

The contest, deemed “It’s a Wonderful Card Ultimate Giveaway,” began yesterday and will run through the new year until Jan. 5. To enter, all you have to do is make a purchase at your local store using a Starbucks gift card or the Starbucks mobile app. You’ll then receive a unique sweepstakes code on your receipt that you can enter online for a chance to win–and you can do it up to twice a day.

And that’s just a portion of the main prize. In a way less creepy version of Johnny Depp’s “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory,” Starbucks is also giving the winners a real life golden ticket as part of the deal–also known as a personalized 10-karat hammered gold Starbucks card. Not only is the card worth $5,000, but it’s also engraved with your name on it to prevent any “Bling Ring” action from taking place.

The downside of this is that Starbucks defines “life” as “one free food or beverage item every day for the next 30 years,” which clearly doesn’t account for the self-proclaimed addict customers, like myself, who could give you real time inventory updates of the local Starbucks they’re in. All in all, though, the deal is worth a whopping $54,000 (not counting the value of that 10-karat gold ring you melt your card into in 30 years). Not too shabby if you ask me.

Get ready, Veruca Salts of the world–you’re about to be reborn as Veruca Salted Caramel..

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(@DrunkNOTinLove) is a die-hard Splenda addict who requires a constant supply of caffeine and male attention to make it through the day. After graduating with her degree in Economics, she now focuses her energy on adding a "Home" to her degree title by perfecting the "intelligent drunk," and conning a banker into marrying her one day. Originally from New England, she is a hardcore Boston sports fan, but only when boys are around. Almost all of her calories consumed Thursday - Saturday (and the occasional Tuesday) are from $7 bottles of Yellowtail Moscato, and in no way, shape, or form is she fazed by this. All forms of hate mail and date party inquiries can be sent to drunkbutnotinlove@gmail.com