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Clare, Family Solicitor

Category: Family Law

Satisfied Customers: 34236

Experience: I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years

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HiI have been married up to 17 years and have 3

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HiI have been married for coming up to 17 years and have 3 children (6yr 10yr and 13yr old), My partner has always had anger management issues and has struck out on a number of times and has always been abusive both physically and verbally and verbally abusive to the children. In the last 3 years this behaviour increased and she was repeatedly asking for separation and Divorce. I soon found out that she was having physical relationships with another man but I was unable to prove it. I later discovered text messages on her phone which were conclusive. Early last Summer she admitted it and seemed sincerely ***** ***** wanted to put it behind us and try for the children's sake. I then happened to start working in Southampton as prior to that was based from home. It started becoming apparent that she was again having a relationship and was seeing this Man on a regular basis during the week in the family home and have sex and he was smoking Marjuana on the premises. Enough was enough at this point at during Easter I made her family aware of what was happening and made it clear I did not want her back in the family home and that we were now separated and our relationship was over and the kids would be my main priority.I drew up a document with certain terms and clauses which she and her family read and where happy with and we both signed and dated. Originally my wife was to reside in Birmingham which is where she came from and her parents are. I gave notice to tenants on a property which was local ..so in the next two months she could then reside there and see the children and get on with her life. In the interim period I said she could come and see the kids over the weekends and stay in the house over the weekend period until the other property came available.Things escalated last Sunday, I had come back in the evening and she became violent, police were called and she was arrested and cautioned and I insisted that I didn't want her back in the family home again. She also send abusive messages and a death threat to the person I was with on the Sunday which I also reported to the Police.I want to move on with my life and seek divorce so that I can focus on my children and what the future has to offer and need some advice and also for a professional to look at the agreement I had put into place to its legality.Thank you so muchKuldeep

Unfortunately the fact that she has signed these does not mean that they are enforceable in any way.You certainly have grounds for a divorce based on her Unreasonable Behaviour and within that you can ask for the financial issues to be resolved.The starting point for division of the assets is 50/50 - but the housing needs of the chidlren are a priority - and some account is taken of where the assets actually originatedbut as a bare minimum if there is more than one property your ex will receive one of themYou should seek to have to have a Consent Order within the divorce proceedings setting out the financial settlement to protect yourselfWith regard to the issue of Spouse maintenance provided the chidlren remain with you then whilst in the short term she will have an entitlement it will be short lived (and dependent on your income) to allow her to retrain/find employment.With regard to the children if your ex accepts the situation then the longer the arrangement lasts the better as it will become the status quo.However if your ex has been the main hands on carer until now and makes an urgent application then there is a chance that she will succeed - which will then give her grounds to apply to return to the Matrimonial home.Please ask if there is anything that I have not covered

Thanks Claire for your response, much appreciated.A couple of things really:1. Over the last 3 year period she has committed adultery i.e. had sexual relationships with other men and also done so in the Matrimonial home. She was given a reprieve almost a year ago but after a very short period as I started to work and commute daily to Southampton she continued with her sexual relations and her partner in crime was also smoking drugs (marjuana) both in the family home, whilst children were at school and also in the car provided which was used to pick up and drop off children.2. She has serious anger management issues, she was arrested for a resent incident and cautioned by the police. She has been violent on many other occasions towards me during the 17 years which have been witnessed by the children but unreported to the Police. She also regularly uses abusive, derogatory language towards the children who have been upset by it.3. Last half term, she abandoned the children for a week and went to her parental home. During which period I looked after them and their welfare.Does the above in any way change the situation and standpoint you mentioned?

Ok - So if we both agree on financial split and financial arrangements and custody of children, Split between Mother and father .. for instance Mother can have custody minimum 2 days per week and alternate weekends and move forward and officially agree by completing Consent Order and signing then that will become official and legally binding?Also if mother has requested to have children over forth coming half-term 1 week period - Me agreeing to her wishes, would that be feasible or do I need to make it official and involve social services ..ect before doing so?

There is no need to involve Social Services if you can reach agreement between youIf you are able to reach an agreement using Family Mediationwww.familymediation council.org.uk then you can have Consent Order on both the Chidlren and the Financial issues

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