Are you a perfectionist?

How to be happy without being perfect.

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The first step toward lowering overly high standards is identifying how much of a perfectionist you are and in which aspect(s) of your life. Take the quiz to determine the areas in which your perfectionism may be holding you back, then read on for advice from Domar’s book Be Happy Without Being Perfect: How to Break Free of the Perfection Deception (Crown Publishers). With these tips, you can replace unrealistic expectations with attainable ones. Good news: A few simple changes can transform feelings of failure into that elusive sensation of success.

Break free!

Ready to liberate yourself from perfectionism? Here are the strategies that will work for any woman who wants to go from type A to carefree.

1. Retrain your brain. Pay close attention to any thoughts that contain words such as must, should, always and have to; these are signposts on the road to perfectionist thinking. Put each thought to the test. Is it really true? Is there another way to look at the situation?

2. Nip perfectionist thoughts at the root. When you’re stressing out about a problem, take a few moments to find its origin. Let’s say you’re tense because your sister is coming to town. Why are you so worried about impressing your sister? Maybe because you’ve always felt that she thinks she’s better than you. There is the root of your perfectionism. Now challenge the root thought. Often you’ll find it’s not actually true.

3. Say “Thank you.” Perfectionists often train their brain on the negative. You can counteract this tendency by practicing a ritual called news and goods. Each evening, take a few moments to think about what new or good things happened during the day. This habit focuses your attention on what you do have and did do rather than what you don’t have and didn’t do.

4. Set realistic goals. This is especially important for body perfectionists, who strive for infinite self-control and discipline. Try the 80/20 eating plan: If 80 percent of what you eat is nutritious, you can afford to be slightly less careful about the other 20 percent. The same is true in other areas of your life. Suss out which tasks require intense effort and which let you coast a little.

5. Practice self-forgiveness. When you’re being particularly hard on yourself, imagine what you would do if a friend called and told you that she made the same mistake you made. Then allow yourself the same respect. Think about who you’re talking to: someone you care for deeply, someone who’s trying her best. Stop, breathe, reflect and choose to be as gentle with yourself as you would be with your friend.

6. Prioritize your to do list. Draw clear lines between what you have to do and what you want to do. Some are have-to jobs, others are want-to tasks. Once you’ve split your to do list in two, take a closer look at the want tos. Are these tasks truly important? Will anybody besides you notice if they aren’t done?

7. Make peace with aging. Body perfectionists often struggle with aging because they can’t control it. Focus instead on what you can do—wear sunscreen to prevent wrinkles or take calcium to maintain bone strength.

8. Don’t overanalyze. When your boss says five good things about your performance and one bad, what do you focus on? The critical feedback, of course. Break the cycle! Write down your list of strengths, and try to reflect on those instead.

9. Fight right. The golden rule of productive discussions: Avoid “kitchen sinking,” throwing in everything that ever angered you along with the issue at hand. Pick your battle, then stick with it—until it’s time to move on.

10. Settle for good enough. Perfectionists tend to be maximizers. They can’t make a decision without painstakingly testing products and are plagued by the possibility that there are options they haven’t investigated. “Satisficers” understand the difference between perfect and good enough. They’re willing to take risks and aren’t consumed by regret if their decision turns out poorly. By embracing satisficing in all areas of life, you’re one giant step closer to peace of mind.