“Daaaaaaamn, James Garner was hot as fuck!” – me 5 minutes ago while looking for pictures of James Garner

James Garner (born name: James Scott Bumgarner), the velvety-voiced, square-jawed star of Maverick and The Rockford Files flew off to heaven last night after dying at his home in Los Angeles. James Garner was 86. He died of natural causes. The Los Angeles Times says that James was in a bad way ever since he suffered a stroke in 2008.

James was born in Oklahoma and when he was 16, he joined the Marines. James later joined the National Guard and while fighting in Korea, he got shot in the ass by friendly fire and got wounded in the face (NOT THAT PRETTY-FUL FACE!!) from sharpnel fire. He got two Purple Hearts. After leaving The National Guard, he took a non-speaking role in the Broadway play in The Caine Mutiny Martial starring Henry Fonda. That led to TV commercials and TV roles. After acting in a few movies and TV shows, he got his big break playing Bret Maverick in Maverick. James Garner played Maverick for 3 years and it turned him into a star. In the 60s, he was in a million movies like The Thrill Of It All, The Americanization of Emily, The Children’s Hourand The Great Escape.

In 1974, James starred in the TV show that my abuelita religiously watched in the 80s when one of her Spanish channels played the dubbed version. The Rockford Files lasted until 1980 and he won an Emmy for it. In the 80s, he got an Oscar nomination for Murphy’s Romanceand co-starred in the greatest Julie Andrews movie of all-time and forever Victor/Victoria.

You uneducated young whores out there who don’t know what The Rockford Files or Maverick or Victor/Victoria is, are probably looking at James Garner and saying, “That’s old Ryan Gosling from The Notebook and the grandpa from 8 Simple Rules!” For Shame.

And now I leave you with this priceless James Garner quote:

[Asked if he would ever do a nude scene] “I don’t do horror films.”

Rest in peace, James Garner. You are now in heaven, using your charm to sell Polaroid cameras to the angels:

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