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This is not a sponsored post. I bought the items with my own money. Although I am a fan of Markiplier, I do not believe it will sway my general review or opinion. I'm not a "big fan" but more or less a casual viewer. I want to do a thorough review with as little bias as possible. All dramas aside, I just want to talk about the clothes.

ABOUT CLOAK

Cloak is a clothing brand started by Youtubers Markiplier and JackSepticEye. The tag line, according to their branding card, states "This is Cloak. This is our clothing brand, but more importantly, this is your clothing brand". The clothes on the website appear minimalistic with the outfits more on the casual style.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

I originally wanted to buy their clothes at launch, but all of the clothes sold out within a couple hours of announcement. I then went back in November and bought the Spy Hoodie off of their website.

The box itself speaks for the brand. I believe in one of his videos Markiplier mentioned that the brand doesn't want to put their logo on absolutely everything. The goal was not to be "overtly branded" and just from the box you can see their mission. The outside of the box is plain with the logo in the center.

Once you open the box you will receive a couple of stickers and the brand's card with their tag line.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS
The hoodie feels super soft on the skin. The fabric isn't itchy and doesn't cling to your body. The hoodie had a bit of a smell to it. It wasn't a bad smell. I'm not sure if it came from the delivery truck or the manufacturer itself.

SIZE AND MATERIALS

For general size information, I am 5 feet 2 inches and I am wearing an XXL hoodie. I typically wear an XL in terms of hoodies, jackets, and shirts. The reason why I decided to size up was because I wanted to go for a more "baggy" style. I don't like it when my clothes cling too tightly. Would I recommend everyone to size up? No, only size up if you are trying to go for a more baggy style. Overall, the sweater fits true to size.

The hoodie has interesting hoodie string tips. I don't know what material it is, but it feels rubbery, kind of like vinyl. It's the same material used in the logo and the words "Cloak". I believe this extra rubber part was added so to prevent the hoodie strings from dislodging in the hood when you put it in the wash.

MATERIALS & MISCONCEPTIONS

According to the Cloak website, the Spy Hoodie is made out of 70% Cotton, 24% Polyester, and 6% Spandex. The hoodie I received also has the same information on the tag. For some reason online, some people have been posting comments that the hoodie is made completely out of Polyester or it's 100% Rayon. This is NOT true. There is Polyester in the hoodie, but it is not completely made out of it.

TRACKING AND SHIPPING

I purchased the hoodie on November 16 and I received it on November 27. After purchasing the hoodie, I was given a receipt along with a tracking number. I found the tracking number to be pretty accurate. When you click on the link for tracking, it tells you where your shipment was last. The estimated date of arrival was November 27 and I actually received it on that date.

Overall, I did not have a bad shipping experience. I do live within the US and I am assuming that the brand is US based. I don't know how shipping will be internationally.

OVERALL COST & GENERAL OUTRAGE

I anticipated that a lot of people will be upset about the price. I don't want to talk about how much I paid for this hoodie because the shipping will change how much each person will ultimately pay for their items. If I say that I paid X (AMOUNT) for the hoodie, it might not be the same for someone else. For more accurate information on pricing, you should check their website. However, in general I paid less than $100.

I can see why some people might be upset over the price.

1.) Fans may not be able to afford the product, but it was marketed as being "for them". Some people might feel like they've been deceived.

2.) Some people don't like the design and believe they can get something similar for cheaper

3.) Some people might think this is "merch" clothing instead of its own business entity. Therefore, most people will believe all the money will go directly to the face of the brand, the two Youtubers.

4.) Differences in the meaning of "ethically sourced"

REASONS FOR THE COST
I can only really think of a few reasons why the brand decided to price their items at this price range. Just remember that these are my assumptions. I don't work with the brand nor do I know their manufacturing practices.

1. HIGH QUALITY MATERIALS AND OVERALL PRODUCTION
Some people believe the designs are "plain" and that you can get this type of sweater at Walmart, Target, or Forever 21 for a lower price.

In terms of design, maybe you can purchase something of a similar design at a lower price. In terms of quality, this kind of quality you can not buy at Walmart, Target, or Forever 21 etc. You can tell just by the way the clothes look and the way they feel on the body. There's not a single seam or stitch out of place. Typically, when you buy clothes from H&M or Forever 21 there are a couple of fly away seams and loose threads. I would know because I often shop at those places. You wash their clothes one time and the clothes will inevitably shrink down one size. After a couple of washes and wears, the material thins out and you will have to go out and buy another one.

I'm not hating on those brands. I shop there often. That's just the kind of quality you expect when you shop there. You know what their quality is and you accept it for what it is. Manufactures can buy a large quantity of cheap materials, mass produce it, and sell it to the audience because they already know what to expect. That is why big brand clothes like H&M and F21 are so accessible and priced affordably.

In general, I would assume that Cloak is not that sort of brand. I can only really speak for the hoodie that I received, but it is not of a cheap quality. If you expect a high quality product, you need to pay high quality prices. Yes, you could be altruistic and sell high quality at low prices. However, that wouldn't be a very smart business plan. Once again, this is a brand and a business. This isn't "merch" clothing or screen printed t-shirts. The money generated doesn't just go directly to the Youtubers. This is a brand of clothing and a company. It is intended to be sold to a certain audience. The money generated from the sales most likely will go to the employees of the brand, graphic designers, a cut to their manufacturers, and lastly the face of the brand, the two Youtubers themselves.

2. THE MATERIALS ARE ETHICALLY SOURCED
Like I mentioned above, the materials are of a high quality. The seams are all in the proper place and I had no loose threads. Someone had to make this hoodie. According to the tag, the hoodie was made in China. I can see why so many people might hear "Made in China" and freak out. Often times, we associated "Made in China" with sweatshop workers or child laborers.

While it is true that there are sweatshops and places with relaxed child labor laws. Not all factories in China are sweatshops. There are many factories in China. They have their own grading systems for working conditions. Factory working is a way of life out there. Western factory workers have different protocols and standards which may differ from the Chinese standard of factory working. Is one better than the other? That is debatable. Do I support child labor? No, I do not. Would viewers and buyers be more comfortable with a "Made in USA" tag on their shirts? Perhaps they would. However, you can guarantee the price will be twice as expensive which will lead to more outrage.

Can I 100% say that the person who made my Cloak hoodie doesn't work under sweatshop conditions? No, I can not. Although on their website, Cloak mentions that their clothes are "ethically sourced". What that means to each individual may mean many different things. However, if you're going to get into the argument of ethically source, take note of all the clothes you bought from Walmart, H&M, Forever 21, Target, and anything else with the tag "Made in China". Chances are there are a lot of items that fit this description. You can not guarantee that everything you own was made ethically. Does that make it right or okay? That is up to you to decide.

YOU CAN NOT PLEASE EVERYONE
Honestly, it is really difficult to please absolutely everyone. I just wanted to post a general review of a hoodie that I bought and enjoyed. However, I ended up writing this long explanation full of analysis and different view points. Inevitably, someone is going to get their feelings hurt.

Just know that I intended to write my review from a neutral stand point. I'm not a super fan. I don't feel too strongly or negatively about the brand's creators. I just saw a cool hoodie and wanted to get it. Fortunately, I was in a place where I could afford to buy it. I do acknowledge that the clothing is not cheap and not everyone will be able to afford it. Do I feel bad? No, not really. I still think this hoodie is pretty great. Would I buy again from this brand in the future? Yes, their materials and quality is great!

WHO ARE YOU?
Remember how I said that certain Youtubers clothes are marketed towards a certain audience? I'm typically that audience. I'm a curious person and sometimes I write review on things from Youtubers that I like. I'm curious to know what their clothes are like, the materials, and if the costs match up.

In the past, I have bought clothes from Youtubers such as Jenn Im from clothesencounters. I wrote a blogpost about it, although it's not really a review. I've also bought clothes from Go For Broke, a company that was originally started by Youtubers David So, Bart Kwan, and Joe Jitsukawa. (I do not believe this company exists anymore because they sold it.)

Anyways, thanks for taking the time to read this review. I might do more reviews in the future. If you have any suggestions, let me know!

Chances are, if you have stumbled across this blog post, you
bought a pair of Dr Martens and are wondering why it hurts so much to wear
them. You might even be considering returning them or wondering if you’ve made a
big mistake. Fear not, you did not make a mistake. You just need to break them
in!

I have the 1460 Smooth Dr Martens. They were very tight and
unpleasant when I first got them. I wasn’t aware that Dr. Martens need to be “broken
in” before wearing.

People across the internet have done some crazy things to
break in their docs. They’ve used hammers to beat the leather, fully submerged
their shoes into hot or cold water, and ran their shoes over with their car. (I
highly suggest that you don’t follow those suggestions!)

The “slouchy combat boot” style is really popular. Currently,
combat boots look kind of cool when they aren’t laced up all the way. People
usually lace them up all the way to the top when they wear their boots more for
its utility. In terms of style, the more “relaxed” look is how people wear
their boots.

However, when you first get your docs, you should lace them
up all the way. This is because you have to break them in before wearing them.
If you don’t lace your boots up all the way when you first get your shoes, they’re
going to break in at a way that might not fully mold to the shape of your feet.
This is why some people might say that their boots “cut” into the back part of their heel.

When you lace up the shoe, some people say that you should
lace them up tight. This is what I did. Of course, don’t lace them up so tight
that you can’t feel the circulation through your legs. Just lace them up tight
enough that the boot isn’t shifting around when you walk in them. By lacing
them up “tight”, it prevents the shoe from rubbing against the back of your heel.

2. WEAR TWO PAIRS OF SOCKS

When you first get your docs, the front part of the shoe
might feel very tight (specially where the “bridge” of the shoes meet). You can stretch this part of the shoe out by
wearing two pairs of socks. I would suggest wearing one thick pair of socks and
one thin pair. First, place the thin sock on and then the thick one.

Yes, it might seem impossible at first, but eventually you
can stretch out the front part of your shoes. This is where I had the most
trouble. The top part of the shoe dug into my foot and it left marks on my
feet. I didn’t actually think that I would ever stretch them out there, but it
fits well now. After you have stretched them out, you can just wear one pair of
socks with your shoes.

3. WEAR THEM AROUND THE HOUSE / OUT IN INTERVALS

Don’t wear your docs for a prolonged period of time when you
first get them. Chances are, if you haven’t broken them in yet, you’re going to
hurt your feet. If for some reason, you get your shoes and they fit perfectly
the first time without it being too tight, then go ahead and wear them for as
long as you want. For those of you who haven’t broken your shoes in, wear them
in intervals when you first get them.

When I first got mine, I stretched them out by walking around
the house with them on straight out of the box. I haven’t worn them out yet so
they weren’t dirty or anything. At first, I could only really wear them for a few
hours. (It kinda sucks at first, not gonna lie.) Eventually I could feel them
stretching out. So I tried wearing them out on short trips. The key is to wear
them out if you know that you’re just making a short trip. If they’re hurting
your feet, take a break. Don’t wear them for a few days, then try wearing them
again.

Lastly, this isn’t really a tip, but something you can buy
to help “soften” the leather of your shoes. Of course, this is optional and you
can still break your shoes in without this.

Dr Martens Wonder
Balsam Shoe Polish

There's a special shoe polish known as Dr Martens Wonder Balsam that you can get for your docs that might help soften the leather of your shoes. From everywhere I searched on the internet, it is pronounced
“ball-some”. (If I am wrong, someone correct me.)

I bought the Balsam because I
wanted something that could waterproof my shoes and maintain the leather. Some people
say that this helped them to soften the leather around the shoe. I don’t know
if it really softens leather. However, if you plan on maintaining your shoes, you
might want to consider getting something similar to this product.

It comes in a tin with a sponge applicator. Before you apply
the polish, make sure your shoes are clean. You take off the laces of your
shoes, and then you apply a generous amount of the polish on to the shoe. Wait
for it to dry out before you wear shoes out again. This will make your shoes
shiny and will possibly soften the leather.

WHY DR MARTENS?

At this point, you might be thinking “This is so much work
for a pair of shoes. Why not just buy something else?”

Of course, you can just buy any type of combat styled boots.
There are many different kinds of boots at different price points. I’ve had a
couple of them.

What separates Dr Martens boots from the others is the style
and quality. Dr Martens have original “yellow seams” around the sole of the
shoe. Some of their shoes also have a unique loop at the back of the shoe to
help you put them on. Lots of different boot companies try to replicate this
look. However, Docs are the original of this style.

The shoes I’ve bought in the past don’t have the same look
and typically broke down after several wears. Usually, it would break down in
the back part of the heel. Dr Martens are supposed to last for quite a long
time. They have one particular shoe that they boast are “for life”, meaning
that they will replace the shoe if it breaks down.

With a unique style and quality of the shoe, I am very happy
with my docs. There’s a sense of accomplishment and membership when you wear a
pair of Dr Martens. Since it can be a somewhat “painful” experience breaking in
the shoes, you just feel very accomplished once you’ve broken them in. Also
when you see someone on the street with their docs on, you’ll know that they had
to go through a similar experience of breaking them in.

On a personal note, what got me inspired to buy these shoes
was from someone I admired in the past. I guess you can say that I had a bit of
“style crush” on one of my former co-workers. She had this very cool attitude.
She wore a lot of black, liked to watch documentaries on Netflix, and listened
to cool indie bands that I’ve never heard of. Although we had work uniforms, she
would wear Dr Martens to work. From that point, I was inspired. I knew that I
wanted to eventually get a pair for myself in the future when I could afford
it.

(End Notes: Not all
of Dr Martens shoes require the process of “breaking in”. Research the type of
shoe you’re going to buy before purchasing. This is not a sponsored post.)

In the spirit of October and all things spooky, I've compiled a list of creepy Japanese Urban Legends / Stories! (Things are about to get spooky on the blog and the Youtube channel.)

I've been a fan of horror and generally creepy stories for quite some time now. Japanese horror always seems to be the scariest. I've done some research into some scary Japanese urban legends as well as some creepy stories pertaining to Japanese culture. In my opinion, these three are the scariest and generally most creepy. With that being said, these are just legends and stories. Read at your own risk. The stories below might be scary or maybe not. You can decide for yourself!

Urban Legend #1Aka Manto: Evil Spirits that Haunt the Toilet

Have you heard? Some public restrooms are haunted? When you go to the bathroom alone, you will find yourself in an interesting predicament. The stall will be out of paper. In desperation, you call out for anyone in the neighboring stalls to hand you toilet paper. A voice responds, “Red or Blue paper?” Both options seemingly unconventional.

If you pick the red paper, the spirit will crawl under the stall with a knife. They will take their time as they slowly peel off your skin, staining your clothes red.

If you pick the blue paper, the spirit will place their hands up on your throat. With violent force, they will squeeze until your face turns blue.

The only way to escape the spirit is to decline their help. With great embarrassment, you leave the stall without using any paper. Only then will the spirit depart.

The spirit is called Aka Manto. Its name is often translated as “red cape” because of the spirit’s appearance. It typically appears as a man wearing a red cape. In some iterations, the man appears to be beautiful, often annoyed with admirers who search for him. For this reason, the spirit may appear wearing a mask. Although beautiful in appearance, this spirit is classified as a malicious spirit because of its intent on killing humans in vulnerable positions. In other versions of the story, instead of choosing red or blue paper, you can ask for yellow paper. The spirit will attempt to drown you by placing your head forcefully into the toilet. This gives most people a higher chance of survival.

Urban Legend #2Kuchisake Onna: “The Woman with a Split Mouth”

One dark evening, a woman approaches you. She is dressed in an odd fashion. Although it is hot out, she is wearing a large trench coat and a surgical mask. She mumbles behind her mask and you can barely hear her.

“Am I pretty?” she asks.

You don’t know anything about this woman nor why she would be asking you this sort of question in the middle of the night. She reaches into her pocket, revealing a large pair of scissors.

“Yes.” You say in a fright.

With her other hand, she unclasps the surgical mask that has been covering her face. She reveals her mouth. Long slits of deliberate cuts run down her face, starting from her left ear and ending to her right.

“You can be pretty like me too.” She says, placing her scissors inside your mouth. She presses down with a firm grip. You feel the metal cut through your skin, wishing you had never encountered this woman. You have just met Kushisake Onna (the woman with a split mouth) and I’m afraid it is too late.

The origins of Kuchisake Onna varies. The most common origin
is that the malevolent spirit was a young and beautiful woman. She was married
to a samurai, but had an affair with another solider. In a rage, her husband
took his sword and cut her face, permanently disfiguring his wife. This made
her no longer beautiful. She killed herself, vowing to avenge herself in the
next life. In other re-tellings of the story, a coroner states that Kuchisake
Onna was a deceased mentally ill woman who died in the 1970s. She was chasing
children when she was hit by a car that ripped her mouth from ear to ear. The
most recent sighting of Kuchisake Onna was in South Korea in October of 2007. People
reported seeing a woman in a red mask chasing children.

There many different reiterations of the story. An alternative
to answering yes or no to the spirit is saying “You are average” or asking the
woman “Do you think I’m pretty?” This will confuse the woman, giving you enough
time to escape.

Urban Legend #3Hitori Kakurenbo: "Hide and Seek Alone "

If you don’t scare easily, then Hitori Kakurenbo or “Hide and Seek Alone” is the game for you. In this game, you play a game of hide and seek with spirits. Sounds simple enough? First, you will need to gather a couple of items to play the game properly. You will need: a doll that resembles a human, rice, fingernail clippings, a knife or sharp instrument, a needle, red thread, a cup of salt water or sake, and a bathtub or sink filled with water.
You must play this game properly and you must be alone when you play this game. If you play this game in somebody else’s home, the spirits might try to “find” them instead of you. Begin the game by naming your doll. Next, cut open the doll and remove its insides. When the doll is empty, fill it with rice and your fingernail clippings. Sow the doll shut with the needle and red thread. You will need to have enough red thread to securely bind the doll’s body.

When it is 3AM, take your doll to the bathroom where there is a bathtub or sink filled with water. Hold the doll in your hands and say out loud, “For the first game I’m (say your name) going to be it.” You say this sentence three times, then drop the doll into the water. Promptly, you turn off all the lights and walk outside of your house. Like a regular game of hide and seek, you close your eyes and count to ten. When you are finished, you may enter your house with a knife or sharp instrument in hand. Enter the bathroom and say, “I have found (you say the doll’s name)!” and then stab it with the knife. You have won the first round.

Be prepared to hide. It is time for the spirit to come find you. At this point in the game, always keep your cup of salt water or sake with you. People typically have good experiences hiding in closets. You might hear strange noises, experience a change in temperature, and smell horrible smells. The TV might turn on and off with the volume changing sporadically. Although you might feel like someone is pulling or touching you, it is important to stay hidden. The game does not end until sunrise.

It is important to properly end the game. When you have had enough, take the cup of salt water or sake and keep the liquid in your mouth. Do not drink the liquid. Return to the bathroom where you placed the doll. However, in most cases the doll will not be in the bathroom where you left it. Search the house until you have found the doll. It is important that you find the doll or the game cannot end.

Once you find the doll, quickly spit the fluid from your mouth on to the doll and say “I won!” three times. This ends the game. As quickly as you can, it is important that you burn the doll.

Although the game has ended, many people have reported feeling ill, fallen into a grave accident, or feel like something is actively haunting them. Play this game at your own risk.

So I've ran into a bit of a problem. I have a bottle of the Chloé perfume, and the top part is made out of silver. After keeping the bottle for roughly half a year, the silver became cloudy. Dark brown tarnishing covered the top and sides of the silver. I have tried to wipe the tarnishing off, but had no luck. I never owned anything silver. I wasn't aware that silver needs to be periodically polished or it becomes dirty looking. As someone with no polishing or silver cleaning supplies, I turned to the internet for cleaning solutions. I stumbled across a "How to Clean Silver" video which helped me out immensely.

My Chloé perfume. As you can see, it looks "dirty" because the silver is not polished.

How to Clean Silver: Without Using Chemicals or Polishing

1.) Line a bowl with Aluminum Foil
2.) Add 1 tbsp of Baking Soda & 1 tbsp of Salt OR a 1:1 ratio of the two
3.) Pour in warm water to the bowl and mix it
4.) Submerge the silver into the mixture and let it sit for a few minutes
5.) With a gentle cloth or wet paper towel, wipe off the extra cleaning solution

If your silver is really tarnished:
Gather a little bit of aluminum foil, dip it into the solution, and gently scrub. The tarnishing should come off at this point.

I submerged half of the bottle into the cleaning solution and was amazed to see it so clean. Although I have to admit, I did use a little bit of aluminum foil to scrub off some of the tougher stains.

My Chloé bottle after it was cleaned! It is now super shiny!

Overall, I was surprised at how well this aluminum foil trick worked. I honestly didn't think anything was going to happen. When I first submerged the silver into the solution, nothing happened (like it did in the example video). I stood there wondering if I was making a fool out of myself, but then I decided to be patient and just let it sit in the water. I gently scraped the silver against the foil when I was picking it out from the bowl and realized that the tarnishing came off! That was when I decided to start scrubbing the foil across the silver.

I'm pretty sure there is some sort of science behind all of this. I just don't know what it is, but it works!

I finally got to see Fall Out Boy live in concert! It had been my dream to go see them for a while now. They were one of the bands that helped shape my teenage angst years. They made it seem cool to wear eyeliner, black clothes, and have bangs that cover one eye. They've made it cool to not be cool. In a way, we all sort of felt relieved to be a part of the "counter-culture" that the band seemed to promote, even though we were just misunderstood teens. I remember how I used to re-watch their music videos on Youtube over and over again. How I started listening to their music because my best friend in high school slipped their CD's into my locker.

In a way, Fall Out Boy reminds me of my teenage years. They wrote songs that I could relate to as a teen. Now that I'm an adult, they still write songs that I can relate to. (Yes, I referred to myself as an adult.) It's always nice to see how you can grow alongside your favorite bands.

The show was amazing and the fans in the audience were very passionate. I have never experienced such an engaged audience. I think this is the first show, that I've been to, where the fans sang along to every song at the top of their lungs. I ended up losing my voice the day after. I didn't really care about how well I could sing or if the person sitting next to me was going to judge me for my singing abilities. They would be singing even louder than I was. I just sang along with everyone because it felt like we were a team. We were a squad of people gathered in a stadium to show our support for our favorite band!

I also got very lucky at this show. Christie and I both wanted to buy a t-shirt from the show. However, it seemed that the shirts that we wanted to get were all sold out. We stopped by one last booth before giving up, and they just so happened to have my size! So I bought the very last t-shirt at the booth! I felt quite accomplished.

Here are my favorite photos that I took at the concert. I didn't end up taking many, and since we did sit on the upper level, some of the photos ended up blurry. I had to zoom in quite a bit with my camera to get the shots.

The ticket for the show. (I edited out some information.) I purchased the tickets right when the tour dates were announced in January. I've had the concert tickets for about 9 months.

I'm not sure how I ended up getting this picture, but it came out relatively clear despite the low lighting situation and the zoom.

This is by far, my favorite photo from that night. Fall Out Boy had various back drops during their show. I managed to get a picture of this before it disappeared from the screen.

We were all deeply shocked when they appeared on floating stages. I still have no idea how they managed to get a full drum set on to that small stage.

In the end, I almost didn't want to leave. The event just didn't seem real to me as I left the venue. It was like a dream that had ended too quickly. I have to admit, I had concert withdrawals the next day. (Something that I have never experienced before.) Now that my mind has been blown away by their performance, I look forward to the next concert or event. I wonder if it'll be as breath taking as this Fall Out Boy concert was or if this was a once in a lifetime experience.

If you're looking for a blog post with a lot of pictures or thoughtful commentary, this is not the blog post for you! This is going to be a long winded text only post. I guess I should also preface this post by saying that this might be depressing and triggering for some people. Use your better judgement and consider if you really want to read through this entire thing. I don't really mean to be unpleasant or sound upset, but I did go through some thing traumatic. So pardon me if I don't feel like being bubbly and happy while writing this post.

Friday, September 7th
My mental health was struggling at the beginning of the day. I kept on putting it to the back of my mind. Maybe I've just been stressed and if I keep myself busy I won't feel bad. I had a lot of responsibilities for the day. I had to bring my dad to his doctor appointments and I had a dinner to attend with my coworkers at the end of the night.

After coming home from bringing my dad to his doctor's appointment, I laid in bed feeling completely miserable. I felt hot and cold at the same time, a feeling that I didn't even know was possible. Should I cancel the dinner that I had planned for the night? I refused. I won't let my struggles get the better of me. I went to dinner and had a great time.

Saturday, September 8th
My stomach felt like it was in knots. Once again I was feeling hot and cold at the same time. From the neck up it felt like a desert and from the neck down it was Antarctica. Maybe I should check my temperature? Sure enough I had a fever. I took some Tylenol and waited for my fever to go down. Then the diarrhea came. I felt myself rushing to go to the bathroom every few minutes. Was it the stomach flu? I wondered. It should go away soon. No need to panic. I've gotten the stomach flu before and survived.

Four hours had passed and my fever wasn't going down. Time to take more Tylenol. No need to panic! Ice packs usually help to bring down the temperature. I scavenged the medicine cabinet and found my 99 cent polar bear printed cool pack (that I bought from Diaso). I filled it up with ice and plopped it on my forehead. I thought it was my imagination but I heard the ice inside popping and melting under the heat of my head. It wasn't my imagination. The ice pack had completely melted. Time to change the ice and take more Tylenol.

The days seemed to go by quickly. The fever was going on strong and the diarrhea was persistent. I felt nauseated, but refused to throw up. No need to panic. This will go away soon, but maybe I should go to the doctor just in case?

Monday, September 10 (At the Doctor's Office)

The doctor and the nurse were quite pleasant and accommodating. You have an abnormally high temperature. Take this Advil. You think it's food poisoning? What have you eaten recently? Pepto-bismol or Immodium might help with the diarrhea. Have you taken it yet? Also please give us a urine sample. You might also want to consider getting a blood test and giving us a stool sample. You haven't been this sick in a long time. If you take the Advil and still have a fever by tomorrow, it might not be a bad idea to go to the Emergency room. They might give you an IV to make sure you're not being dehydrated by the diarrhea.

The next day my fever still persists and the diarrhea was still present even after taking Pepto-bismol and Immodium. Maybe I should go to the Emergency Room now.

Tuesday, September 11 (At the Emergency Room)

You think you might have food poisoning? What did you eat recently? Well that aside, we should start an IV to make sure you are getting your fluids. Also we're going to give you some anti-nausea medication. Please provide us with a urine and stool sample. We're also going to take some blood.

After several tests, I was discharged with a prescription of antibiotics, anti-nausea medication, and ibuprofen. This is a lot of medications. Maybe I should read through all the side effects and interactions.

Wednesday, September 12. (The day I almost died.)

Maybe the antibiotics are starting to work! My fever is slowly going down. It's not completely gone, but it's at least starting to go down. The only thing left was the nausea. The room felt like it was spinning and I wanted to throw up. Maybe I should take the anti-nausea medication.

Taking the anti-nausea medication was a big mistake. It started with an innocent cough. Next thing I knew, all the air was sucked out of my lungs. I was in a full blown asthma attack. I haven't had asthma since I was a kid. It felt like I was breathing air through a straw. Every moment I was gasping for air, I started getting light headed. I reached out for my rescue asthma inhaler, an instrument I haven't had to use in years. Maybe this was a good time to panic.

Then I remembered the side effects and interactions of the medications I was taking. Clearly stated in the interactions on the drug information packet: You should not take albuterol with this medication because it can cause an increase in heart rate which can cause heart attacks. I was at a loss of what to do. Did I want to suffocate to death? Or should I just accept the possibility of having a heart attack? I chose heart attack.

I pressed down on my inhaler. Nothing happened. Maybe this was a sign from the universe that I shouldn't be using the inhaler. I was on the verge of blacking out. Everything was turning dark in my peripheral vision. One more chance. If nothing happens if I press down again, then I'll just accept the signs that I shouldn't be using the inhaler. I pressed down hard and the medication was immediately released into my mouth. I could breathe again!

But now my heart was beating out of my chest. My arms felt heavy and the repeating thumping of my heart was starting to cause severe chest pains. Was this what a heart attack felt like? At this point, I was able to get my mom's attention. She was clearly concerned.

I laid down on my bed and with my wheezing breath I said, "Can you stay with me while I sleep, in case I stop breathing? If I stop breathing, bring me to the Emergency Room okay?'

It was at this point, I fell asleep or at least passed out. I couldn't tell.

I just remember waking up to the sound of my cell phone ringing loudly. It felt really good to know that I was still alive. There was no greater joy than to wake up hearing that cell phone tone ringing loudly after a near death experience. It was the ER doctor that treated me the day before.

"The lab checked your stool sample and it's Salmonella poisoning! For the most part, the antibiotics should clear up any of the bacterial infection. Just remember to finish taking all the antibiotics and you should make a speedy recovery."

I explained to him the events that had just transpired and my experience with the anti-nausea medication.

"Sounds like an allergic reaction. You should stop taking the anti-nausea medication. If you have any other breathing issues, I would say come back immediately."

We exchanged pleasantries before I hung up. I felt relieved to know that I had Salmonella poisoning. I didn't have to wonder or guess if it was anything else. Now I just had to finish my medications and hopefully get better.

After my diagnosis, my life started going back to normal. I was starting to get better. Or at least, I thought. I still didn't acknowledge the fact that I almost died. I sort of brushed it aside because I was afraid. In a way, my psyche was trying to get me to acknowledge the fear and trauma I went through during my allergic reaction. I started getting nightmares and sleep paralysis.

Trauma Related Nightmares and Sleep Paralysis

I would sleep pretty often while I was sick. A side effect of the ibuprofen was drowsiness. I would be sitting down and then end up falling asleep. This became pretty common for me. Another common occurrences were nightmares.

I know that nightmares are supposed to be scary for most people, but for me, it's hard to really scare me. I don't feel afraid of my own nightmares. One of my reoccurring nightmares, after my near death experience, was of a shadow figure. I would be laying down in complete darkness, unable to move. I would move my eyes over to the obscure corner and see a shadow staring back at me. Then I would suddenly be unable to breathe. I would panic all over again wondering if I was having another allergic reaction. Logically, I knew that it was impossible because I wasn't taking the anti-nausea medication anymore. So I would force myself out of my sleep paralysis state by going back to sleep. It often worked. I would wake up feeling in a panic state and then I would calm myself down.

I was beginning to get annoyed with myself. I was getting tired of the nightmares and the sleep paralysis moments. I knew that the cause of my sleep disturbances was because I still hadn't dealt with the trauma that came with my allergic reaction.

I made a deal with myself to address all the trauma. I acknowledged the fact that something traumatic happened to me. That I was afraid that something similar was going to happen again. I had a good cry and acknowledged that, although things were upsetting and scary, that I had to find a point where I was eventually going to be okay. I can not stay in this mental state of being afraid.

After all of that, my nightmares and sleep paralysis completely went away. I think it was because I was able to face my trauma head on and acknowledge what had happened to me. I know that in some cases, people are unable to do so. I'm just an odd case. I'm going to cite my knowledge of psychology (my field of study) and my previous research into coping mechanisms of traumatic accidents for my ability to cope with traumatic situations. I've read a lot of articles and participated in research in how people cope with traumatic situations and applied it to my own life and experiences. In a way, I'm glad that I was able to find a way to cope with my situation.

The Angry Red Bumps Appear

I had just finished my antibiotics. I woke up to find a cluster of little red bumps all over my hands and the tops of my feet. What is going on? Should I be worried? I promptly walked over to the sink and began washing my hands thoroughly, believing that I could make the bumps go away if I washed my hands enough.

The bumps stayed. It began spreading to my arms and eventually my legs. I was terrified all over again. Although angry and hot to the touch, the bumps didn't really itch on the first day. I had a doctor's appointment coming up on Saturday. Maybe I'll ask what is going on then.

On the second day, the bumps became even angrier. Now they itched and began forming in large clusters. I refused to scratch them. I refused to put anything to soothe the itch. (Mainly because I was afraid that I was going to make the situation even worse by putting anything on it.) I just allowed the bumps to run its course. They traveled and made themselves at home all over my arms and legs. It was a miserable feeling. I was hot and itchy at the same time and I had no idea what was going on.

Allergic Reaction Part II / At the Doctor's Office Again

I've become somewhat of a regular at my doctor's office at this point. Everybody seems to know me by name. It's a relatively small office and I'm often the youngest person in the room. The doctor saw me promptly.

I updated my doctor on my situation from the Emergency Room, my allergic reaction, and my final diagnosis of Salmonella poisoning. I then showed the bumps and patches.

What kind of medications were you taking? The doctor concluded that I was having a mild allergic reaction to the antibiotic medication that I was prescribed. Once again, it was an allergic reaction to a medication. My doctor acknowledged the fact that it must have been tough being allergic to 2 out of the 3 medications that I was prescribed. At this point I had sort of gotten over the fact that I was suddenly allergic to so many things that I was unaware of.

I could have died from the allergic reactions, but some how I survived it all. It was this realization that made me feel much better. Although I was placed in a tough situation, I was able to come out of it even stronger than before. I left the doctor's office feeling some what accomplished and hopeful.

Where We Are At Now

After all of this, I am now feeling so much better! All I want is to go back to work and continue my life. Although, I am not able to go back to work just yet. The Department of Public Health has to declare me Salmonella free before I can go back to work. I just sent in my samples to be tested for Salmonella. I currently have my fingers crossed and that I will be Salmonella free.

My birthday is coming up and I wanted to have a piñata for my birthday party! Instead of going out and buying a piñata like a normal person, I wanted to make my own. I searched across Youtube for inspiration and I came across a video from a channel called Kidi Fun. They made a cute unicorn piñata and that's when I found the piñata that I wanted to make!

MATERIALS:

1.) 3 poster size sheets of cardboard

2.) Assortment of different colored tissue paper

3.) Bottle of Glue

4.) Tape

5.) Cardstock (Black & Yellow)

I started off drawing the basic shape of the unicorn's body on to one sheet of cardboard.

You don't have to get cardboard sheets from the arts and crafts store like I did. If you have old package cardboard or the cardboard you get from online shopping, you can use that. The only minor difference is that you can choose how thick the cardboard is from art store. The cardboard thickness will determine how difficult it will be for you to cut the unicorn out. The thicker the cardboard, the more difficult it is to cut.

After I cut out the unicorn, I directly trace the body on to a separate sheet of cardboard.

Trace instead of free draw the unicorn on to the second cardboard. You want the body to be similar size and shape.

Now you should have two similar sized unicorn bodies!

Next you want to determine how thick you want your unicorn to be.

I decided to make my unicorn about 4.5 inches thick. I drew lines vertically 4.5 inches apart from each other (on the third piece of cardboard) and then cut it out. These pieces will become the side of the piñata.

Next you will attach these side pieces with tape on to the side of the unicorn's body. Just mold the pieces to go all around. Taping the side takes some time and patience. Just take your time.

PRO TIP: After cutting out all the pieces, roll the side pieces up like a cinnamon roll. This will make the side pieces much more pliable and easy to work with.

You should have something that looks like this!

Cut 2 slits across the head of the unicorn so that you can fill it up later!

Before attaching the second part of the unicorn's body. It would be wise to cut a hole for you to fill your pinata. If you aren't going to fill it with anything, then skip this step.

Now you have a finished unicorn body! You can decorate it how ever you want. You can paint the cardboard for a quicker finish (work in layers and prime the cardboard).

For me, I cut up pieces of tissue paper and then slowly glued them on.

TO MAKE THE EYES: I drew a circle on to a black piece of cardstock paper, drew shapes with a gold metallic Sharpie, and cut it out.

TO MAKE THE HORN: I took a yellow piece of cardstock paper, rolled it into a cone shape, taped the sides, and attached it to the unicorn.

The finished unicorn piñata!

After spending so much time making this piñata, I decided that I didn't want to smash it! For now, it will just stay as decoration.

I felt accomplished to actually finish this art project! I haven't really been finishing my creative projects recently, but this is one of the first ones that I've completed. Like most of my projects, I had no idea how this was going to turn out or if I was even going to be able to finish it. I'm really happy with it and I'm glad that I set off on this creative journey.

For the past few months you might have noticed that I have taken a step back from posting on this website. I haven't forgotten about this blog. It's just that I was going through some things in my life (outside of the internet) and I thought it would be wise to stop posting for a while.

Ever feel like everyone is looking up everything you are doing irl and online? Well that literally happened to me. I don't want to talk about it online or ever really address what is going on. I'm fine! Nothing bad is happening to me. I've just been given a really good opportunity to do something great. So, I've just been clearing up my social media. I want to make sure the things I post online reflect who I am as a person.

I've come to face a situation where sometimes the things you post online has a way to come back to you in real life. Most of the time you think that the things you post online will only stay in your confined bubble of space on the internet. When reality, it can spill over into your offline life and have consequences. For this reason, I've become a lot more careful about the things I post online.

Too many times I've come into: "Hey, I read that one post on your blog and..." or "You wear too much makeup in your photos" and "You shouldn't post this kind of picture on your Instagram" from someone who I wasn't even aware checks up on my social media accounts. Let me tell you, it feels really weird when you are confronted offline. I became super critical about the things I wanted to post. From the confrontation and my lack of self confidence, I often want to just completely cut myself out of all social media.

But I decided not to do that because I feel like writing and posting is my way of expressing myself.

I've been contemplating how I should even write this post for a while now. I don't want to suddenly announce my return to this blog and promise that I will continue to update it. I feel like I've done that in the past, but then I stop posting and have to re-announce my return again.

THE MAIN STRUGGLE

I think I struggle with being hyper critical with myself. It's hard for me to post things online because I'm afraid of what others are going to think about it in the future.

A prime example: I've removed all my posts starting from 2010-2014. They aren't permanently deleted. I've just taken them down for now. Maybe if I feel more comfortable in the future, I'll put them back up again. I know that removing posts from the blog creates some trouble. A lot of the links that you might click on the blog might be "broken" or lead to blank pages. For that, I apologize. I never really know which post I'm going to remove.

If a post doesn't meet my "standard", I feel oblige to delete it and erase any trace of the post. Sometimes I look back on my old posts and realize that I wrote something that doesn't really reflect who I am as a person currently. So I promptly delete the post or just hide it from view.

I want to become more confident with the content that I post on this blog. I think it's about time that I find that creative spark that has led me to love blogging. If I had to name a main goal for myself:

I WANT TO BECOME A MORE CONFIDENT BLOGGER.

Here's to deleting less posts and taking pride in the things that I write!

I started bullet journaling around 2016. You can read my post about bullet journaling [here]! However, it wasn't until about July of last year that I decided to take it more seriously and take the time to update it every single day. I am currently using the Leuchtturm 1917 dotted journal.

It’s black because my favorite color is ... black? LOL

I would like to describe my bullet journal design as “minimalistic”. I don’t draw a whole lot in my bullet journal mainly because I find that I felt pressured to always have a perfect spread with perfect drawings. It made me not want to start / continue with my bullet journal because I would get so caught up with trying to have the perfect drawings and themes. So for my 2018 bullet journal, I decided to cut back on the drawings and strictly go for a more “functional” approach. I pick one color from my Tombow dual brush pen set and just continue using just one color through out the entire month.

I guess you can say my bullet journal setup is for people who maybe want to start bullet journaling, but are intimidated by being unable to draw. This may be an approach that you might want to try out!

I originally started drawing the clovers on the cover page, but I realized that they kind of look like broccoli! I didn't feel like changing out the cover page, so I just stuck around with it.

Mood & Habit Tracker Page + Gratitude Page

So this is how I track my habits and moods. Basically, I fill in a square each day that I completed the habit and I place an X on the days where I did not complete the habit. For the mood tracker, I just place a dot on the line that corresponds to how I was feeling for the day. Then I draw a line from dot of the previous day. In the end the mood and habit trackers look a bit like the photo below.

How the Habit Tracker is used

This page always looks the best when it is completely filled out. If you are wondering, I took this example photo from my January spread of my bullet journal!

March Overview & Calendar page

Like I said in the video, it might seem a bit redundant to have an overview page and the calendar view. However, I kind of like being able to go back and plan out my month using this style!

My weekly spread

I keep my weekly spreads pretty spaced out. I write journal entries in each day so that is why I need the extra space. For my to do lists, I write them out in the corresponding spots.

Reflections Page

At the end of each month, I do an entire reflection. I just write down all of the interesting things that happened within the month. Sometimes, I'll tape in interesting things such as movie ticket stubs, receipts, or drawings into these pages. Also, if I learn something new in the month, I'll write it down in the reflections page!

Hello hello! It has been a minute since I've updated this blog. I haven't updated this blog since September. I was keeping up with a blogpost at least once a month, but some how I ended up falling off the wagon towards the end of the year.

So why have I been gone for so long? Well, I've mostly just gotten into the routine of going to work and then going home. Guess I just kind of stopped finding creative ways to update this blog or my other social medias. However, I was kindly reminded by Google a few days ago that our domain was about to expire. So I thought this would be the perfect time to start updating this blog once again!

We've been renewed for the year! Hopefully this will motivate me to update more often!

I've placed a couple of posts on private because there were some individuals in the posts that I am no longer in contact with. I just thought that since we don't really talk anymore, they might not like being on this blog. So I've decided to place those posts on private. That is really all I'm going to say about the matter.

That being said, I've noticed a decline in the number of blogposts I've put out over these past few years. I can think of two very specific reasons why.

1. There are just some things that I want to keep private. Guess it just comes with growing up?
2. The post content & photo quality has been improving.

PRIVATE BLOGPOSTS

So you might be wondering, why all the private / removed blogposts? I guess now that I am older and have started trying to build a name for myself in the professional world, I've been trying to limit the amount of things I post online. It's not that I am afraid to speak my mind or that I'm not proud of the content that I've created on here. It's just that sometimes I look back on things I have written and I realize that it doesn't reflect who I am as a person currently.

I gotta admit, sometimes I go back and read some of the things I wrote on here and I cringe a little. Haha I don't immediately delete the post, but I consider it sometimes.

I guess when I was younger, I just posted anything on to the web. I never really thought of the consequences or thought about the people who come on here to read my posts. I guess I just want to be more cautious considering that I do want to start building a more "professional" online presence. For this reason, I have been limiting the amount of information about myself into the public.

All "professionalism" aside, I will continue to post my inner thoughts on to this blog. After all, this is a personal blog! Just don't be surprised when some posts get turned to private out of the blue.

POST CONTENT

Editing photos and thinking about what to write takes a significant amount of time. Like I said above, I used to just post anything on to the web. I didn't really think about the photo quality or the writing quality. So if you ever take a deep dive into the older posts on this blog, you'll notice that the level of quality in blogpost decreases the longer you go back.

Since I didn't care as much back then, there are more blogposts but the quality isn't as good. If you look at my more recent posts, you can see that the number of posts has been declining but the overall quality has been improving.

When I first started this blog, I used an iPhone 4 camera and took photos on it for my blog. As time went on, I got various cameras. I also learned how to use different kinds of photo editing software. I would like to think that, as time went by, I have gotten better at blogging! Hopefully I can keep this trend up! Maybe I'll just work on doing more high quality posts and updating this blog more frequently.

WHERE DOES THIS LEAVE US NOW?

I guess I just wanted to end this blogpost by saying thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this blog. I know I have been away for a couple of months now, but we still have some viewers who come back every once in a while to read the latest blogpost!

Here's to working on new projects and finding creative ways to keep this blog alive!