You were one of the craziest years of my life. So much had happened, both good and bad. I went through a lot. I’ve also grown so much.

So I just want to say thank you.

Thank you for teaching me to give it all I’ve got if I want to accomplish my dreams. Thank you for teaching me to believe in myself and in my work. Thank you for teaching me to slow down, take a deep breath, and take one step at a time. Thank you for bringing the most amazing people into my life. Thank you for giving me so many amazing opportunities. Thank you for showing me the importance of hard work.

Looking back at my journal, I can see that I really focused on myself this year. I wanted a chance to reinvent myself and feel like me again. However, I also lost myself towards the end of the year. I was in a strange and unfamiliar place that I am only starting to come out of now.

This year, I pierced my ear again, read more than ever before, went on a weeklong vacation with my family (over 20 of us), applied to colleges, got my first (and second) job, went camping, started my senior year of high school, got into 9 colleges, and became an adult (!!).

I am finally in a happy place in my life. I want to continue down this road, and make 2018 even more memorable than 2017.

Change has always been a good thing to me. I have embraced it with open arms every time. I can not even imagine a life where I am stuck with the same routine day after day. I do not want to sit behind a desk and watch my life pass me by. I want a career where I can explore different paths daily and have new adventures. I’m not sure where life will take me just yet, but I hope that it will bring me to change. Because change is the only constant that I want in my life.

//

I keep telling myself that my life won’t really start until I’m older. When I have a real job, and I’m living on my own. But life is short. And I don’t know how long I’ve got. So what am I waiting for? 17 years of precious time have gone by. It is time to go out and make something of myself. Live a little more. While I still can.

//

Her eyes lit up when she talked about it. She was so passionate about the art she created, and she couldn’t get her mind off of it. The happiness she felt when a paintbrush was in her hand was enough to make anyone smile.

i stared up at the white, wispy clouds. the sky was a beautiful shade of ocean blue. you sat beside me and took in all my features. all my imperfections. i turned to look back at your emerald eyes and smiled. we were surrounded by the world, yet you still told me i was the most beautiful sight. i never felt as full and happy as i did in that moment. you handed my all your thoughts wrapped in a neat bow while i let out my deepest secrets in an explosion. we were total opposites. but when you said those 3 words, i knew that opposites really do attract.

…

i fall in love with the idea i create of people, rather than who they truly are. i have too much faith in people and in love. i am definitely a romantic. i try so hard to make relationships work, expecting people to change. i get my hopes up and end up disappointed every. single. time. it also makes it so much harder to get over someone. i only want to believe they are good-hearted, rather than face reality. but i would always choose to be full of hope than completely hopeless. because maybe true love really does exist.

…

you don’t have to have it all figured out. in fact, you shouldn’t. life is messy. life is unpredictable. things don’t ever go according to plan. just embrace every moment with a positive mind and see where the world takes you. the universe always has a plan.

…

you finally told me everything i always wanted to hear, but i realized it didn’t matter. i’m not the same person as a year ago. i know who i am and what i want. it just isn’t you anymore. and i’m sorry to myself that it took so long to realize my worth. but i’m okay now. i finally got the closure i needed so desperately and i can move on with my life. it truly is freeing to feel this way. i can finally be happy and be myself again.

I received a stunning journal from Tremundo Journals a few days ago, and I absolutely had to talk about it. I chose a mini canvas notebook with a wolf print on the cover. This design really spoke to me because of the sunset and the moon in the background. Two of my favorite things. The quality is amazing. The pages are thin but my watercolor paints did not bleed through, and neither did my Staedtler pens. It is pretty small which is perfect for carrying around with you everywhere you go. Overall, it is just a really nice journal.

If you are thinking about journaling, you should check out Tremundo journals and try this one out! You can get free shipping in the US with the code “JUJ17” until July 31.

I wanted to show you guys what some of the pages I designed look like so far!

When the sky turns dark, and I am all alone, I still reminisce the days I spent with you. These are the things I still think about.

The way your hands swept over every crater and bump on my face.How my eyes lit up just by hearing your name.How happy we were that we would be forever.Your hand would grip mine with such confidence, and I never wanted you to let go.You would kiss me goodnight, and tell me how beautiful I am.
The warmth of your breath on my neck was enough to give me goosebumps.And how minutes apart were too difficult to bear.How we talked about our plans and thought we had a future.And my stomach did flips every time you looked at me.Your touch energized me, all the way to my soul.All the late conversations we had at night under the stars.I will always remember the way you made me feel.I was full of joy and laughter.

But most of all, I think about how forever quickly turned to never.And goodnight kisses just turned to goodbye.Oh, how we changed and grew up.Never finding time for each other anymore.The way I felt cold without you by my side,and how I felt like a piece of me was missing without your arm in mine.Minutes turned to days,and neither of us thought of stopping by.The messages stopped coming, and I stopped checking my phone.My eyes were dull, and my heart felt so, so empty.How naive and foolish we were to think that we had forever.But there was nothing we could have done differently.Because the universe had a plan, and we were not meant to be.

So when the sun comes up, I brush away the tears, and I forget about the nights I spent with you.

But forgetting is hard to do.

*This is all a work of fiction, I promise it has nothing to do with my life. It is just a little poem I wrote after reading a book, haha,*

Yes I do :) I post stuff about art, photography, film, music, and life. I like to talk about stuff that I know will help people, concerning depression and anxiety, just to be an online friend for some people. But also about more uplifting things like books and my general thoughts on life. From time to time I also sing and post covers or original songs. I try not to be tied down by one specific thing though.

Why did you decide to start a Youtube channel? Where did the idea to make one come from?

I started Youtube because of music, actually. When i was around 12, I never used to watch “Youtubers” back then, but as i started posting (really crappy) singing videos, i soon began to lose interest because the music community on Youtube is extremely cut throat and very demotivating. So I took a 1 year hiatus and fell in love with the youtube community as an audience member and learnt the responsibility, passion and dedication a creator must have – I came back with film, my first “short film” called Letter to September around a year ago (I think, maybe 2). Then, I was into Youtube for the right reasons, and it took me till January 2017 to starting posting every Monday (people that don’t do Youtube will never understand how much commitment that takes) and now here I am.

You posted a brilliant short film titled “Things We Didn’t Say.” How long did that take you to plan out and write?

Before that film i had been planning another film, more classical than Things We Didn’t Say, with a cast and characters and dialogue. However, I started getting stuck at every crossroad and couldn’t write it as one cohesive thought. Thats when the “incident” that inspired the film happened, right when I had given up on my previous idea. It took me about 2 weeks to write, taking some lines from previous unshared work. It also took about 6 re-writes in those 2 weeks and I tried 4 different sets. It was a short but complex and flowing process, i loved every second of it and can’t wait for the next one.

Where do you get the inspiration for your videos from?

Inspiration can’t be pinned for me, it comes just when I don’t want it to. If I try force it, it never comes. I was feeling rather depressed today for the first time in a while actually, and I went down to the beach because I really needed air and thought I might puke, and sitting there in self misery and disgust I came up with a stellar idea for my next writing project. Inspiration comes from dark places, light places, all over really.

What are some of the challenges of having a Youtube? Has there ever been a time when you wanted to quit?

Ha. Yes and No. Youtube is kind of like all hobbies/jobs. There are parts that you hate and parts that make it all worth it. I used to hate coming up with ideas and that’s what stopped me from uploading often but now I just turn the camera on and talk. Whether it’s cohesive or not – doesn’t matter. If you go into youtube completely committed and completely careless as to what the people want, letting what happens happen but on a regular basis, making sure you do it for you and no one else – there really is no downside. I do it to create things and to keep me healthy.

What is your favorite part about Youtube?

Just with my small subscriber base i have a new family. For example; I have Mark that always comments an essay about his life, and I love learning about him every week. I have Dylan that always snapchats me. I have Sophie who always comments “YAAS”. I have Lola that always writes three honest lines. and so many more. I’ve made so many cool friends. Unlike school, where you’re forced to make friends with strangers, youtube allows you to connect to people who are just like you.

Are you working on any big projects at the moment that you plan on putting out into the world soon?

numero uno – more classic short films

numero dos – (merchandise… how exciting!)

numero tres – more poetry and monologue films

How do you unwind/relax after a hard day? What are some of your tips for relieving stress?

Going to be honest, I’m not good at relieving stress because I don’t really let anything harsh my mellow. School doesn’t stress me because I don’t think it’s that important in the grand scheme of things, but I still try my best. I just try my best at everything I do. If I try my best, I have nothing to stress about. Even if my best isn’t “up to standard”, I do what I can and I’m happy with that.

Where do you see yourself in the next few years? What do you hope to do in the future?

I hope to be happy, most of all. Living somewhere busy in my own swanky apartment with lots of cats and plants and stuff from Pinterest, you know. But firstly happy, that’s what’s most important to me. I also hope I’ll be creating stuff all the time, and I hope one day I can support my family with my art (as a HAPPY artist).

Finally, if you’re not filming a video, what are you doing?

Napping with my cats: Lilly and Cuddles. Shoutout to the real inspiration for my happiness.

Thank you so much Ashley! It was a pleasure to have you featured on here. You’re responses are amazing, and I hope someone gets some inspiration from them.

There are so many talented people in the world. Thanks to social media, I get to discover these artists, and now I want to share them with you. Here are some amazing pieces of art from some wonderful people. Be sure to check them out. Also, if you want to be featured next, email me (kissesfromjess@gmail.com) with your artwork-anything from watercolor paintings, digital art, poetry, writing, etc.

I have been writing poetry since the 6th grade, when my English teacher introduced some of her favorite poets to the class. It is a great form of expression for me, and something that allows me to be creative. It is not great by any means, but I have been holding it in for so long that I decided it is time to share.

Here is my first collection of published poetry, a Collection of Heartbreak. This is one that I shared with Kinga from Kingajpg, who is a part of The Restless Times with me! Check out her blog for more poetry. The Restless Times is a newspaper whose message is to spread awareness on important topics, and give teens a voice. If you are interested in contributing, please check out the site and the Instagram page!