Just so I understand, you are seeking to have CSA agree that your ex does not need to pay CS without this impacting your access to FTB A and FTB B?

Is the reason you are seeking zero CS so that your ex can no longer see the kids? You are aware that CSA do not in any way enforce the parent receiving the child support to provide access to the paying parent right? In which case, can you not continue to have CSA paid to you for the care of your children, whilst simultaneously seeking orders to not provide access to your ex based on his behaviour over Christmas and NY?

I am just wondering why you should miss out on the financial support when HE is the one in the wrong?

Hi Gonzy, I believe if he didn't have to pay CS he wouldn't have any relationship with the kids at all, let alone be insisting on 50/50. It's not "right" to let him out of his financial responsibility but I don't need it and it's better for my kids not to be exposed to his life and his "love".

Sancti-claws, thanks for asking.

I'm much better emotionally, it's going to be a while before I feel good physically - I do not recommend the mega-stress diet, I lost 12kg in 18 days.

The kids are still recovering steadily (even after having to go to ex for 1 night over weekend) and we've got good support around us.

I'm disillusioned with the legal system or just feeling like the world isn't as fair as it should be or something.

Having a round-table meeting with ex and solicitors soon to either work out a final Parenting Plan or Consent Orders but I don't understand what I get for all the money orders cost.

For instance, if ex withholds again, even with orders I still need to go to court for a Recovery Order don't I?

Oh and for what it’s worth, there are very few people in my life that really ‘get’ what the exemption is there for and why it’s necessary. I’m constantly told I should go after all the money I can. It’s only really the people who have had experience with family law that really understand why it is so important for us, and these people all strongly advocate i keep it in place.

Babylove the big 4 banks via the ABA have announced quite awhile ago that they are giving financial assistance to customers who experience DV. I have not had luck with it but part of the package is to provide a new phone.

Additionally I have a DV contact who provides tech advice but found their knowledge limited and found it more worthwhile to pay for a private service. The private provider linked me with a private security firm who can do almost anything. The fees weren't exorbitant for the servicea they could provide. Please keep yourself as safe as possible.

I am just wondering why you should miss out on the financial support when HE is the one in the wrong?

This is a very utopian way of looking at financial support. Often men like the OP's ex will use child support as a weapon against the ex. Foregoing their money takes away their power.

Is it right? Nope.
Does it suck b@lls? Totally.

But I've seen far too many women held hostage to their ex's cash to believe in taking it just because it is 'right' for men to pay for their kids. Sometimes, what is right and what you can live with are at opposite ends.

I agree with your solicitor and am holding my course so to speak. The need to destroy seems pretty much insatiable. My ex seems overwhelmed by his humiliation that his "perfect" veneer of a life has been destroyed but can't link any if it to his choices. He just talks about his humiliation when I talk to him. The blame and hate is awful and he has a crowd of supporters. I can't imagine living this forever.

This is a very utopian way of looking at financial support. Often men like the OP's ex will use child support as a weapon against the ex. Foregoing their money takes away their power.

Is it right? Nope.
Does it suck b@lls? Totally.

But I've seen far too many women held hostage to their ex's cash to believe in taking it just because it is 'right' for men to pay for their kids. Sometimes, what is right and what you can live with are at opposite ends.

I don't agree that it is utopian but under the current social model it can seem that way. There are ideas about how separation with children should happen. Then there's the reality of violent men supported in their violence while women are held responsible.

I agree with your solicitor and am holding my course so to speak. The need to destroy seems pretty much insatiable. My ex seems overwhelmed by his humiliation that his "perfect" veneer of a life has been destroyed but can't link any if it to his choices. He just talks about his humiliation when I talk to him. The blame and hate is awful and he has a crowd of supporters. I can't imagine living this forever.

I hear you, that is exactly how my ex is and the mistress-turned-partner is worse, a very toxic adult in my kids lives.

I don't agree that it is utopian but under the current social model it can seem that way. There are ideas about how separation with children should happen. Then there's the reality of violent men supported in their violence while women are held responsible.

That's kind of what I meant. We have this idea of the best way to separate with kids and often the reality just doesn't fit in with it.

I mean, money is power, right. It always has been. Be it Trump levels of corruption or the 8yo trying to convince their brother to do their chores for 50c less than he gets for doing them. It is an easy and uniformally accessable means to control people.

So this idea that the mother should fight for it because she's entitled to it or deserves it is rose coloured because sometimes freedom from it is far more valuable.

With the amount of money some ex’s are told to pay the whole thing is often a joke anyway. I understand wanting an exemption. My goal is to not need xp’s money because he also uses it as a power thing. It annoys me but I refuse to mention it to him because I think he does it looking for a reaction. It has and always will be ‘his money’ in his eyes. It was never mine despite my paying 50% of everything while we were together (and also while I was on maternity leave no less...). Sorry to go off on a tangent... I just know from my experience (which was not as serious as yours) that removing the ex from as much as possible is best option as far as taking back control.

That’s great that you don’t need his money. I hope all works out with FTB and you can live life without him controlling things - or the threat of a repeat of the stunt he pulled over Christmas.