“OK then but you don’t need to give me a whole list of everything that you thought was terrible in my story. Not everyone can live p to this “perfect” expectations of yours. It’s just a story.”I’m blaming the English curriculum for this.

Review

11 NovBoss Salamence A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12719604/

Hm, that’s a good point you made about firearms. I honestly didn’t think about it like that.

1h agoThank you for being honest and respectful about it, though. It’s back to the drawing board for me.

1h agoOh yeah, since I like having experienced trainers as my main cast, if you have any advice on avoiding turning a strong MC into a Gary Stu, I would really appreciate it. You seem to really know your stuff, but, are very polite about it.

secs agoWell, Gary Stu/Mary Sue is a difficult term to nail down, and different people tend to have different definitions of it.

To me, the most important thing is that the main character should have some struggle. The thing that makes me label a character as a Gary Stu is when a character never experiences emotional challenges — even if they are physically challenged by the events of the plot, if they’re always cool and collected and know exactly what to do in every situation, I find them boring. I like characters I can relate to on some level, and impossibly perfect characters are, obviously, not that. (But it’s a fine line — sometimes, highly skilled characters can work as escapist fantasies. Stories are complicated like that.)

So I suppose… make him human. Give him some weaknesses. Find some axis on which he can be challenged and grow as a person, even if it’s not an obvious one. But other people might give you different answers. Really, I’d say just write what you want for now and see how people react.

If you’d like examples of strong characters I feel sidestep the Mary Sue problem, I consider the anime Trigun and the later seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer to be good ones. The main characters are superhumanly powerful and their ability to solve the immediate conflict is rarely in doubt, but I still found them incredibly deep and interesting due to other factors. For something more like your character, it may be worth looking at Sam Vimes of the Discworld series of books — many readers consider him a Gary Stu, but still agree that he is generally well-written and likable, so he may be an interesting study in what a borderline case looks like.

1m agoGiven what you have said, this new idea of mine may work out after all. The concept is usually the easy part. The writing is the hard part.

Thanks for all your advice!

re: Your review to The Reason

11 NovRead-Them-On A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12721266/

Thanks for the suggestion.

I forgot to put the category this time too. Thanks for pointing that out.

I thought ‘mahogany’ was a tree’s name?

I suppose the word ‘questioned’ is a synonym of ‘asked’. At least it says so on Google.

I used that just for a bit of humor.

Thanks again.

secs ago[I thought ‘mahogany’ was a tree’s name?]

It is, but species names aren’t capitalized. You don’t capitalize “tiger pelt”, for instance.

[I suppose the word ‘questioned’ is a synonym of ‘asked’. At least it says so on Google.]

The thing is, English is a tricky language. Words can have the same technical meanings but convey very different implications.

6h agoOh, alright.

Thanks.

re: Your review to Julia’s Adventures

11 NovSon Lucas A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12720909/

Thanks for the feedback. I’ll try to fix most of the errors from my old storied and future series.

11 NovThe Simpsonizer A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12719104/

I made some edits based on your critique. Is it any better? If not, tell me exactly where the errors are so I can address them.

secs agoThe dialogue appears to be formatted correctly now, but you’re still overusing awkward speech verbs. If you want help on that, there are writing forums and websites that can give better advice.

re: Your review to Mixed Feelings

11 NovXXXHolly21XX A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12718538/

Thanks but I don’t need feedback. You didn’t mention 1 good thing. If you don’t like it DON’T READ I’ll do my stories MY WAY you do your stories your way.

secs ago[If you don’t like it DON’T READ]

And how am I supposed to know I won’t like it until I read it, pray tell?

You posted your story to a public website with a public review feature. If you don’t want comments, you need to explicitly say that.

5h agoOK then but you don’t need to give me a whole list of everything that you thought was terrible in my story. Not everyone can live p to this “perfect” expectations of yours. It’s just a story. There’s no need for your rude comments. If you don’t like it, simply find a new story. I am trying my best for readers to like it. Obviously you can’t see that.

5h agofor the bold writing, I just wanted to try out a new style. Be original?

secs ago[Not everyone can live p to this “perfect” expectations of yours.]

Expecting people to have correct grammar is not expecting people to be perfect. It is expecting people to adhere to a bare minimum of quality.

I remind you that “don’t like, don’t read” cuts both ways. If you disagree with my review, you can ignore it and it will never affect you in any way.

1h agoplease stop. You’re seriously annoying me. You don’t have to write reviews at all. If you don’t like it,simply find another story to read. There are others who like my story. my grammar is fine.

secs ago[You don’t have to write reviews at all.]

And you don’t have to write fanfic. I do this because I want to, same as you.

Anyway, you do know you can block me, right?

7m agoI want to write fanfic because I love it.

But…Even after all this, I kind of think this is funny :)

Since you know so much, I want you to give your opinion on my story idea:

Princess Serena decides to attend a normal high school. Nobody of course knows she’s an actual princess. Not yet anyway…Ash Ketchum finds out by accident and because of this, the king, Serena’s father decides to pull her out.

secs agoUh… I don’t watch the anime and have no opinion about fic based on it. Which, incidentally, means you won’t be seeing me if you correctly label your fic in the anime world, as I filter it out in my normal browsing.

4h agooh. Never mind then.

re: Your review to Team Stardust\’s Anime Adventure

11 NovZerodone A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12718645/

Whoa-kay? I’ll try to improve in the future. Here in Germany we write every noun in in capitals. I know it’s different in English, but I’m sure I’ll repeat that mistake a couple of times. Thanks for the info though.

re: Your review to The Ultra Bonds

11 NovThePineconeAuthor A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12720965/

Wow! Fancy meeting you here Elmo….

Well, I followed some suggestions, thank you very much, so do u have any more complaints?

And your grammar issues: why even is there even rules about grammar and capitalization for Pokemon. Dude, it is a fanfic about a video game. Your links are also as helpful as you are; just you copying and pasting pretty much the same thing over and over on other people’s comments.

The setting problem: Yes, this obviously isn’t a video game. And there are no specified formatting directions, right? (feel free to send me a link) It could be pleasing to you or whatever, but I think I can live with it.

So, please feel free to complain about this comment and please find a hobby.

secs agoYou do know you can block me, right?

5m agoWhat do u want me to?

secs agoI want you to do what you feel is best. If you don’t want to listen to me at all, it is easier for both of us.

I just want to say thanks for the tips on how to improve. I will say though this is gonna take part from the game. It’s just that it also has some OC’s that come from different parts going to Alola. Afterwards, it will take place in the game.

Next, I changed the intro and the notes about the backstory. Hopefully, it is better and cleaner. I’m guilty of setting the bar really high but I know I need to change that.

Also, I do have a plot planned out. Things are a little slow right now but they will speed up soon.

And for the grammar part, this is why I don’t accel in English.

Anyways, thank you for the information. It was very helpful.

~ Bad Luck Andrew

re: Your review to Pokemon Wars: Under the Banner

11 NovVexan A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12720025/

Thank you for the review and I apologize for my incompetency. Though, it kinda killed whatever I was going for since it does not exactly make sense once you put it like that. Thus, the story most likely won’t be able to continue. My apologies, once again.

Reply to your review

11 NovLegolas Dragon Ranger “I also don’t see how she’s in such dire straits if she has a pokemon. Pokemon fights get you money.”

Only if you win them. Kalama isn’t very good at battling and Rockruff isn’t all that strong.

“Uh, the bloated belly stage is long past the point where you can recover without medical intervention. I don’t think Team Skull has doctors for that.”

Thank you for the review. I appreciate people telling me what I could improve on, and not just saying ‘this was a great chapter’ (without explaining what it is they like). I’ll take what you said and consider it. On a related note, is there somewhere you could recommend for dialogue formatting? I have over ten years of habits to break, apparently. Thank you. Gracidea of the Valley

secs agohttps://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/21887406/1/Writing-Guide-Part-One-Grammar has a post on it.

We also got a late straggler from Halloween: St Elmo’s Fire,

A new review has been posted to your story.

Story: Do No Harm
Chapter: 1. Home and Hearth

From: MadRaptorGaming (Guest)
——————-

MadRaptorGaming:Hey, I’ve seen you around lately and while I agree what you say for the most part and know that you’re trying to help. Seeing the same review practically over and over again is kind of annoying after a while, and seems to just be copied and pasted with minor edits. And even though it’s not your intention, it of course can come off as rude. I personally don’t like those kinds of stories but I don’t think you should go out of your way to prevent others from writing those. ~ Mad Raptor Gaming (YT)

——————-

St Elmo’s Fire,

A new review has been posted to your story.

Story: Do No Harm
Chapter: 1. Home and Hearth

From: MadRaptorGaming (Guest)
——————-

MadRaptorGaming:Just wanted to add, that I did indeed read your profile. Plus I got to admit this story is pretty nice.

I wish you the best with this story, I might come back and give U another ‘review,’ as it is 2 in the morning from where I am at and need sleep bad. I’ll come back when I get needed sleep and see if my opinion changes, if it does, feel free to remove these reviews (which you may have removed regardlessly)
~ Mad Raptor Gaming

——————-

Why do people keep doing this? The trolls I get, but this person seems to actually want to talk to me. I told them to use PM, then deleted these messages a day later.

2 Comments

I think often with well-written hyper competent characters the focus is placed on their inner conflict. So the question in most situations becomes not whether they can solve the external crisis, but what the psychological cost of that will be to themselves, and whether in doing so they will cross a moral line. Think Galadriel, for example. “I would be a queen, beautiful and terrible!” Or to take Sam Vimes — the climaxes of the later books generally involve him battling his inner demon. And with strong, hyper competent characters, losing a battle with inner demons could have wide-reaching consequences for other people, which gives the conflict its stakes. New Who uses this format all the time for the Doctor (though often devolving into needless melodramatics, in my opinion.)

Eh, personally I think that’s also pretty Sueish. It reads to me as just more edgy teen grimdarkness, “My OC has an AWESOME EVIL SIDE but they’re SO AWESOME they can even beat their AWESOME EVIL SIDE in addition to the external conflict!” you know? In general I really do not like characters who have to struggle with being good people, they just read to me as unstable nutjobs who are going to snap and kill everyone one day. Most of us do not have an inner demon telling us to kill everyone all the time, Vimes, and if you do maybe you should look into getting a therapist.

But yes, the general principle of moving the conflict into different fields is sound. That’s what Buffy season 6 did, to expand on the example I gave — yes, Buffy can punch out gods, her ability to win the fight of the week is never in question, but can she punch out depression, poverty, misogyny, and relationship drama? Of course not, so there’s still tension to the narrative.

But a simpler solution I’m surprised more people don’t pick up on is simply to raise the stakes. Mary Sueism is about relative power level, not absolute. If you want a powerful protagonist, you can pit them against a powerful opponent and still have tension. (Again, Buffy did this in season 5.) There’s still the possibility of falling into “My character is SO AWESOME that ONLY THEY have a chance against this AWESOME OPPONENT,” but you can get that in anything.