A post on the ChristWire website argues that videogames, along with “nonstop dorm masturbation” and drugs, are among the reasons why our college kids are failing at life.

Author Stephenson Billings previously explored the topic “Is Video Gaming a Threat to America’s High School Jock Culture?,” but believes that the problem is even more widespread in college. Why? “Dorm rooms are like bacteria dishes where crueler and more virulent microorganisms are constantly introduced to breed in a frothy frenzy of poor judgment.”

He continued, “When video gaming is added to a culture of persistent sexual experimentation in a peer group of sex radicals fueled by vast amounts of mind-altering narcotics, reality is the big loser.”

Even more:

Sharp colors and quick movement like you find in Grand Theft Auto make these couch potatoes feel as if they’re really moving through life at a brisk pace while in reality growing obese. It makes them feel important, as if they’re achieving something, while their textbooks sit unopened on nearby desks. It sucks up hours upon hours when these children could be learning business or engineering. Instead of American history, they memorize the satanic rites of Resident Evil, thrill in emotional suffering with Silent Hill or train to be Columbine-style murderers with Dead Space Extraction.

Billings, who bills himself as “an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package!,” also tells parents that if their child really loves them, they will submit to regular drug testing.

He concludes his article with a special note to his “young readers”:

The foundation of modern morality so necessary for the next generation to lead is not something you children will get sucking on the end of a filthy bong while yanking a joystick around the streets of San Andreas, gunning down minorities and looking for “Hot Coffee” as some mysterious classmate from Art History oils your tensed-up pecs.* This might seem fun now, but it’s truly destroying your soul.

Comments

OK, he's gotta be a Poe. The article on video games destroying "jock culture" specifically mentions that you can monitor your kid's computer use "without interrupting your television viewing". In other article, he calls WoW "gay-inducing".

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I recently got out with a Bachelor's Degree in Business Administration after playing video games and going through an Oz. worth of pot every week while rocking the casbah. Inaccurate research and it's because that some people forget to dedicate their time onto schoolwork.

The problem with Religious Satire in this day and age, is it's sometimes dangerous to leave someone alone saying "it's only satire", to find out they really WERE that crazy, when they start blowing shit up.

Behold the power of our Christian nation’s one true God! Last night all sinful Democrats who support Obama’s communist-NAZI Obamacare health plan received a wrathful warning from our Lord as he hurled lightning bolts at the Capitol Building!

Now I'm not saying this particular article isn't satire, because it probably is. I'm just saying religious fanatics have done and said a lot stranger things. Go to their site. The whole thing reads like something out of the Onion, except they're 100% serious. (I've got no problem with different religions either. It's just when people get fanatical, then it starts to bother me)

"Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend. Do it in the name of Heaven, Jack Thompson'll justify it in the end." - nightwng2000

"Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven,
Jack Thompson'll justify it in the end."
- nightwng2000

You call that 100% serious? Maybe it's just because I've grown up in the conservative-Christian midwest, but that site is FAR from serious. The phrase "nonstop dorm room masturbation" should have been a big tip-off, and the article about the evils of cat ownership on the front page is the kicker. There's no question that the site is satyrical.

"That means if a family chooses to not vote for Obama or support his support for terrorists, for instance, he can just deny you healthcare for your precious children. You’ll have to watch them die a slow, painful death of the H1N1 swine flu or perhaps the Bubonic Plague."

"All this indoor activity deprives America’s students of the chance to meet worthwhile peers– fellow athletes and the children of important people for instance. Universities are so essential for networking. It’s terribly necessary for the future careers of our kids to get in the good graces of their socially-connected and wealthier friends."

"Reckless, nonstop dorm masturbation is another major college issue. Without mothers around to patrol a young man’s bedroom and check their bedsheets, children find their bodies to be fascinating playgrounds for their curious, restless hands."

"The real leaders of the future will be found sweating from a long hard afternoon next to you in a dimly lit college locker room. We are all humbled and equal in our small white towels, lining up for a relieving, hot shower."

Yeah, it's pretty obviously a satirical site, although it's funny to watch half the people here treat it like it's real... The phrase "non-stop dorm masturbation" should be enough of a tip-off by itself.

If that "threat to jock culture" is real you have to laugh. I read that line and reached...so? Surely anything that works against "jock" culture is a good thing considering all the harm jocks do on college (and high school) campuses.

Wait, Jock culture is somehow "wholesome"? The Highschool I went to was dripping with Jock Culture, and those guys were engaging in adult-approved (and facilitated in some cases) binge drinking, drugs, parties, sex, bullying (lots of that), and generally being considered above the rules.

The same bullshit extended into college. The jocks/footballers at Rutgers U were hardly the wholesome types and had every perk, luxury (private dining halls), and advantage showered upon their dumb asses. At every party, frat or otherwise, you could count on the jock to be the one to start the first fistfight or attempted (actual) rape.

Football Jocks are the most unwholesome non-Christian assholes ever = Website is fake...

...but it did manage to re-ignite my hatred of jocks & football. Being angry is not a good way to spend a Monday afternoon.

This is the same website that took a video of a kid spazzing out from joy over getting a Wii, and turned around and said the kid had been "possesed by evil demons present in every Wii system". I don't think too many people would take this site seriously, and those who would would easily lose any arguement where it was cited.

Ya, looking around there's some debate as to how geniune that site is... with much leaning towards it being a work of satire... always hard to tell since some people really are just THAT dumb...

Hell skimming though that warcraft and Cosplay screams satire... the first thing that popped out was the mention of blood rituals that take place at comic convention... the second thing and most noticable was the anime cosplay picture with the line "now THAT's a rukia cosplay" under it... Yaaaaaaaaaaa, i really don't think an actual crazy conservative christian site would include a line like that, even if it's follow by a typical line

So ya, i'm chalking this up to satire instead of stupid conservatives

Though a bit of a poor satire sometimes as far as comedy goes as it should be even more obvious... they don't push the crazy enough... their crazy enough to be satire, but sound enough like extreme conservative christians to sound almost real...

It is fake. This is also the site that posted the "I Am Extremely Terrified of Chinese People" story that pops up in Google, and they have a bunch of other ridiculous crap about magically levitating mice and the Chinese building an army of firebreathing robots. The entire thing is too over-the-top for it to belong to even the craziest of Conservative "Christian" nutjobs.

Shout box

Wymorence: For me it just boils down to the fact that, even at a giant company, when a game comes out annually it just gives it a vibe of being rushed out the door. And god knows Unity sucked some major lemur with all its bugs...03/31/2015 - 4:22pm

PHX Corp: I launched my spotify account today, and I kinda went a little overboard with adding music03/31/2015 - 3:59pm

Sora-Chan: Con't. Games like AC are a pain to someone like me who likes to play games in order. So when a game gets too many releases too quickly, it puts me off. Only exceptions are games that have no interconnected underlying stories like the FF games.03/31/2015 - 2:53pm

Sora-Chan: Wikipedia has rarely let me down on matters like this. But yeah... AC needs a break.. like two.. or three... or eight years.03/31/2015 - 2:51pm

Conster: There's 9 already?! I think I played 1, 2, and the ones inbetween 2 and 3.03/31/2015 - 2:23pm

Sora-Chan: Con't There are now Nine... of just the main entries into the series. There are 13 more in the "other games" department.03/31/2015 - 2:15pm

Sora-Chan: I tried to get into AC. Was having a decent time with the first one, at which point they had already released three titles. Then a fourth came out... then a fifth... the wall kept growing before I could finish the first.03/31/2015 - 2:14pm

Daniel Lewis: I think ubisoft should give AC a break before it's milked to death,and i'm a big fan of the games03/31/2015 - 1:15pm

Daniel Lewis: The only thing said i disagree with is the final quote on Men's experiences are seen to be universal but women are gendered,though doesn't anita say that games with male protagonists are male power fantasies,so in turn both are gendered03/31/2015 - 1:08pm

Daniel Lewis: i found the video to be much better than any of the TvW series and it's about time the positive women are put in the spotlight03/31/2015 - 1:06pm

Daniel Lewis: So feministfrequency released a positive female character video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXmj2yJNUmQ03/31/2015 - 1:05pm

Daniel Lewis: I think the guy who made the direct leak said it was an april fools joke when a real one was announced03/31/2015 - 12:43pm

MaskedPixelante: No way Nintendo would let information like that get out. Remember, they shut down a memoir about the localization of Earthbound by enforcing a 20 year old NDA on the author.03/31/2015 - 12:42pm

james_fudge: Conster: the larger issue is that Ind. does not protect LGBTQ+ people under state law03/31/2015 - 12:11pm

PHX Corp: @MP I think it is confirmed(not an April Fools joke) http://mynintendonews.com/2015/03/31/nintendo-direct-confirmed-for-wednesday-april-1st/03/31/2015 - 12:00pm

Conster: Apparently Pence intends to amend SB101 so denying service isn't allowed - without explicitly protecting LGBT+ and while still allowing the many other things you can get away with now if it's motivated by your religious beliefs.03/31/2015 - 11:53am

MaskedPixelante: http://mynintendonews.com/2015/03/30/rumour-nintendo-direct-on-april-1st/ A supposed full leak of tomorrow's Nintendo Direct, so you can all laugh and laugh about how wrong it is.03/31/2015 - 11:35am