Welcome to UBS

The Antithesis of Academic
Excellence

Welcome to the University
of Bums on Seats, where we believe that nobody should be exempt from a
university education. As Vice Chancellor here for the past 13 months, I
have attempted to revolutionise our educational paradigm to ensure a rich
diversity of abilities are represented in our student body.

It is never too late to start your education.
Even at this late point in the academic year, we have many vacancies for
degree-courses. We pride ourselves on our 'character-over-qualifications'
admissions policy which ensures that no-one will be rejected on any grounds
except non-payment of fees.

Unlike many conventional universities,
our modern, economical approach to teaching is delivered by the latest
computerised teaching-aids, graduate assistants, and other budget-conscious
methods.

We particularly welcome applications from
overseas students, and we are proud to be one of the very few universities
which does not require proficiency in English as a pre-requisite to enrol.

If you have ever considered investing in
your future by gaining the qualifications you may have missed earlier in
life, then now is the time to apply. No questions asked.

We look forward to receiving your tuition
fees.

Prof Alan Dubious (MAd,TOTP,DipSHiT)Vice Chancellor

Web-Site designed and created
at great expenseover five years by clueless
wankers who spent most oftheir time in meetings discussing
the "site strategy".