Wow. Now, if only we could get comments like THAT

Steve Lopez is livid. Fed up with Manny Ramirez. Fed up with his lumbering, unapologetic ways and mediocre play. So irked is the Los Angeles Times columnist that he plans on giving away his Word Series tickets to the (anti) fan who writes the best 50-word (anti) pean to the Dodger’s left fielder.

In his words:

So here I am with World Series tickets in my hand and a wave of hysteria sweeping the city. I’m sorry for being the cockroach in the punch bowl, but I can’t bring myself to join the party. The only thing that could get me to the ballpark in the post-season would be if Manager Joe Torre were to staple Manny’s dreadlocks to the dugout wall and play Juan Pierre in his place. I’d rather lose with a scrappy singles hitter like Pierre than win with a loafing slugger like Ramirez.

Maybe I’ll be in a more forgiving mood next year and return to the ballpark — I just don’t know. But I’m giving my World Series tickets this year to the person who writes my favorite 50-word sermon to Ramirez.

The hearts of Mannywood have been broken
Because you took Human Chorionic Gonadotropin
With your hitting last summer few rivals could beat us
Thanks to a drug that helps make a fetus
Once caught you couldn’t look fans in the face
Now all you do is leave men on base

– AND –

Just Manny being Manny
Is what the fans do say
Critique is reserved only
For starlets in LA

Win or lose, no matter
It is all about the scene
Even though he struck out
At least Casey played it clean

– AND EVEN –

L ucky you made it this far.
O thers would give anything to be in your shoes.
S o baseball is to high pressure? Challenging? Come Sub in my class!
E veryone makes mistakes but you’re making the same stupid mistakes cheater.
R eturn the Dodger uniform until you decide to play like a professional!