WWE - Ian Clark's Old School Raw Recap

Tonight's Raw is going old-school. Scheduled guests include Rikishi, the New Age Outlaws, IRS, Roddy Piper and, of course, the Nature Boy, Ric Flair. While a reunion for stars of yesteryear is always exciting, one must wonder if the current political climate in WWE is entirely conducive to a homecoming atmosphere. Tensions between The Authority and much of the locker room put a damper on things, while Daniel Bryan's recent defection to the Wyatt Family has everyone wondering. And, of course, the Royal Rumble is only a few weeks away. With no one having yet declared their intentions, tonight looks like a good night to do so. For active members of the roster and possibly legends alike.

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Raw opens with Ric Flair heading for the ring. That's getting right to the point.

"Welcome to Old School Raw. And man, has old school had some fun in Baltimore. When I heard that Old School Raw was going to be here tonight, I knew that this jet flying, limousine riding, wheeling and dealing, WOO! Would be here live and in colour. We've got legends, we've got Hall of Famers, and in case you didn't notice, we've got the Nature Boy! Styling and profiling, and ready to party, all night long.

Randy Orton hits the ring and hugs his former mentor. "Ric, I have the utmost respect for you, man. When I broke into the WWE, you took me under your wing, you were my mentor, Ric. You taught me so much and for that I can't thank you enough. But, that being said, tonight isn't just about the legends and Hall of Famers and you, it's also about me. I'm sure you'll agree that I am the greatest Superstar of this or any other generation, that I am the best in the ring, and that I am the only WWE World Heavyweight Champion. Now this is my show and this is certainly my ring, now Ric, because I do like you very much, I'd like to ask you to step aside and give me the ring because I've got something to get off my chest. Last week, on Monday Night Raw, Stephanie McMahon made an announcement. She's giving John Cena his rematch against me at the Royal Rumble. Now that sounds like a lot of fun, but I've always wondered why this place has to make decisions based on what you people like. See, The Authority, they didn't consult with me before making their decision. They thought it was best for business, but I disagree. I faced John Cena at TLC, winner take all, and I won. Which is why I want to ask The Authority to reverse their decision and not give John Cena his rematch, because I have proven that I am the man!"

Flair: "Whoa. I'm not sure you're the man. You see, in my youth, when you were the world champion, you went out seven days a week and you competed against the very best, and that's what I did for three decades, and that's why I've got two of those (Hall of Fame rings), brother! That's how good I was, and how hard I worked. Now you beat John Cena at TLC, congratulations. But from what I've been seeing, all you've been doing is crying about your rematch. In my mind, you should go out there and beat the man again."

"Ric, let's be honest, whenever you were champion you had someone watching your back. I've got no one. Let me let you in on a little secret: You're the most overrated superstar in history. Now, wait a minute, now, you're good, in fact you're great, you were great, but times have changed. That was 25 years ago, a quarter of a century, so I'm going to have to ask you to leave my ring and if you don't, I'm not going to be responsible to (sic) what happens next."

"I'm not leaving, and you're going to listen to what I have to say to you whether you like it or not. Learn to love it. A decade ago, Hunter and I picked you because you were the most physically gifted Superstar to come along in years. You had it all. You had the looks, the women loved you! I used to love hanging around you. But you also brought an immature... I don't know what I was going to say. An immature punk attitude that you've never grown out of. Okay? You may have both of these, and you might call yourself the man, and these make you the man in our business, but I'm wondering if, when you go home at night, and you close the door, you're really a man."

"You want me to be a man? How about we go one better and I go old school on your ass right now."

John Cena hits the ring and stares Orton down before shaking Flair's hand and grabbing a mic. "Randy Orton, congratulations! Every single time you open your mouth you sink to a new level of scumbag! I get it, you've got a problem with our rematch, so what did you do? You go to the Authority? No. You settle it with me? No. You take it out on this man. You have the gall to call this man overrated? Sixteen world championships! Two Hall of Fame rings! You don't even belong near this man's resume! But you said you were thinking of going old school. I don't know what you were thinking, but if it means you want to fight, I'm thinking about going old school tonight too. Tell you what, you feeling froggy, jump, Randall."

Orton leaves the ring as Cena celebrates with Flair.

Michael Cole and JBL, dressed in true late '80s stye, inform us that Jerry Lawler is sick tonight, but dispell rumours that anything is wrong with his heart. They then introduce a video recap of Daniel Bryan joining the Wyatt Family last week.

Match One: Rey Mysterio and the Usos vs. The Wyatt Family (Harper, Rowan and Bryan)

Back on the air, Erick Rowan has one of the Usos in that weird double fist submission he does, Uso with a slap, then another, crossbody reversed into a fallaway slam, Bryan in, kick, more kicks, ref forces a break, Bryan chokes him in the ropes, kick in the back, dropkick to the back, Rowan in, punch, foot, whip, Uso floats over, superkick, Rey in, seated senton, hurricanrana, punch, more punches, Rowan shoves him off, Rey with a hurrianrana, tags in Jimmy, 619, Jimmy misses a Superfly splash, Bryan tags himself in, Harper tags himself in, Bryan looks pissed, Harper clears the corner, Uso reverses a German into a rollup for three.

Winners: The Usos and Rey Mysterio

The Wyatt Family, including Bryan, storm Uso, who rolls out of the ring and celebrates with the rest of his team.

They then recap Damien Sandow winning his career threatening match last week. Brad Maddox then declares a rematch, in front of a panel of three potential special guest referees: Bob Backlund, Arn Anderson or Sgt. Slaughter. EVERY ONE OF YOU FUCKS VOTE BACKLUND! I don't care how annoying the app is, vote fucking Backlund.

Kane then comes in and asks Brad Maddox if he has anything to say to his face. Maddox asks if he's going to threaten him with violence, Kane responds that he knows he would be fired, then cites the WWE Handbook. Kane then reminds him that if he gets fired, he goes back to being the monster, and can promise that Maddox will never be seen or heard from again.

Axel with stomps, whip, reversed, Langston misses a clothesline, Axel goes for a crossbody, Langston catches him and hits two consecutive gut busters, charges, hits the ring post, Axel with stomps, knee, another knee, snapmare, rolling snapmare for one, punches, chinlock, Langston hip tosses his way out, shoulder tackle to the gut, Axel with a dropkick, knee knocks Langston out of the ring, leaps to the floor, punch, tries to throw Langston into the table, gets a punch for his troubles, then thrown into the table himself for his troubles, Langston rolls Axel back in the ring, Ryback with a bried distraction from commentary, Axel with a rollup for two, Langston with a clothesline, Big Ending for three.

Winner: Big E. Langston

After a break, it's Piper's Pit time! Piper: "It's Raw Old School, and Hot Rod was Old School before Old School was cool. Now, I have fought some guys--"

The Shield cut him off. They were the scheduled guests, but still.

Ambrose: "Who gave this old man a live microphone? We're on live television. We weren't going to wait around while you ramble on and on, if you're going to say anything, it should be that you're greatful the Shield wasn't around when you were in your prime, because you might not have made it to 112 years old."

Piper: "First of all, no one gave me a live mic, I took one. This is Piper's Pit, not Ambrose Alley. Now I'll admit I've been beat up, I've been in some fights, things don't quite work like they used to, but the one thing that's stayed the same is my mind. And there's only one man that can match me on the mic, and his name is CM Punk. Punk! Punk! Punk!"

Ambrose: "I think you, of all people, would know to tread lightly in a situation like this!"

Rollins: "Hot Rod, can I call you Hot Rod? I appreciate what you're trying to do, but it's not 1985 any more. I see what you're trying to do. There are no cracks in The Shield. I think this is jealousy. Hey Dean, I think Piper's just jealous because you're a better United States Champion than he ever was."

Piper: "Now, hold on a second. You may be right. But I know something for sure. You (Rollins) one on one can't beat Punk. You (Ambrose) couldn't beat Punk either. Is it bothering you? You (Reigns), you're facing Punk tonight. So let me just ask you, if you beat Punk tonight, doesn't that make you better than them? Are they holding you back? Crack. Is there a crack in The Shield?"

Reigns: "I'm going to beat CM Punk tonight, and if you ever touch me again I'm going to break your old ass in half."

CM Punk hits the ring, flanked by the New Age Outlaws! They clear the ring of The Shield, then celebrate with Roddy Piper.

Match Three: Sin Cara 2.0 vs. Alberto Del Rio

Del Rio with a kick, punches, whip, Sin Cara with a crucifix for two, rollup for one, Del Rio with a kick, Sin Cara with punches, whip, reversed, Sin Cara with an arm drag for two, Del Rio with a kick, whip, Sin Cara goes for a kick, Del Rio catches, sets him up in the ropes, leaping double stomp, chinlock, Sin Cara with punches, Del Rio tosses him down, Sin Cara goes for a tornado DDT, blocked, hits a hurricanrana instead, springboard elbow for two, swinging kick in the corner, misses a senton, Del Rio with a superkick to the jaw for three.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio

Del Rio: "When people talk about the Royal Rumble match, they should be talking about one man: Alberto Del Rio. But instead, everyone is talking about Batista. The man who calls himself the Animal. At the Royal Rumble, it will be me throwing him over the top rope. And then, everybody will be talking about the Royal Rumble match winner, Alberto Del Rio."

Backstage, Daniel Bryan explains to Harper and Rowan that he can learn, but he can also teach. He extends an offer to team with either of them. Wyatt comes in from behind and informs him that the two of them will be teaming together.

Goldust and Swagger start off, Goldust with a shoulder tackle, punch, inverted atomic drop, punch, Cesaro in, Goldust with an inverted atomic drop, punch, Cody in, double team exploder suplex, Cesaro with an elbow, punch, tosses Cody out of the ring, Cody skins the cat, clothesline for two, Goldust in, punch to the gut, snapmare, elbow drop for one, Swagger in, punches, Cesario with a punch, Swagger with knees, Cesaro in, kick, cover for one, chinlock, Goldust elbows his way out, Swagger in, whip, double team spinning elbow for two, Cesaro in, chinlock, Goldust elbows his way out, Cesaro with a whip, Goldust with a boot, top rope hurricanrana, Cody in, missile dropkick for two, whip, reversed, Cody with a sunset flip for two, Disaster Kick to Swagger, Cesaro with a European Uppercut, rolls Cody out of the ring, commercial.

Back on the air, Swagger has Cody in a bear hug, Cody elbows his way out, Swagger with a blow, body slam, Swagger Bomb, Cesaro in, leapfrog stomp for two, chinlock, Swagger in, stomp, front facelock, Cody elbows his way out, Swagger with a punch, Cesaro in, whip, Cody kicks both men in the face, tosses both of them out of the ring, goes for a tag, Cesaro with an elbow to Goldust, back body drop, running European uppercut to the back of the head for two, whip, charges, Cody dodges, Swagger in, back suplex blocked, Cody goes for a Disaster Kick, blocked, Swagger transitions to the Patriot Lock, Cody goes for the rope, Swagger drags him back in, Goldust with a running kick, Goldust in, clothesline, then another, kick to the gut, uppercut, spinebuster, drags Cesaro in the hard way, top rope crossbody to both men, clotheslines Cesaro out of the ring, powerslam to Swagger for two as Cesaro breaks the count with a headbutt, whip, reversed, Cody tosses Cesaro out of the ring, Swagger with a rollup for two, Goldust with the Final Cut for three.

Sandow with a punch, Khali with kicks in the corner, stomps a mudhole, chop, chop in the opposite corner, Sandow with an elbow, punches, stomps in the corner, also stomps a mudhole, foot choke, Slaughter forces a break, Sandow with more punches, Khali with a shove, punch, clothesline, another clothesline, chop to the head for three as Sandow's foot is really clearly on the bottom rope.

Winner: The Great Khali

You know who I bet wouldn't have gone for such chicanery? Bob Backlund. Sandow gets in Slaughter's face, gets a Cobra Clutch for his troubles. Khali and Singh try to convince Sgt. Slaughter to dance, and he eventually relents and busts a move.

Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman hit the ring after it's been cleared. "Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and I stand before you as the advocate for the self-proclaimed #1 Contender for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship, the beast incarnate, Brock Lesnar! Ladies and gentlemen, my client would like me to convey to you his dismay surrounding the misconception about the term Old School. Old School is not trudging out these-- well, Brock Lesnar didn't want me to call them old timers so we'll call them stars of the past. No, old school is when one man reigns supreme, and the entire locker room challenges that one man for the right to be the man in sports entertainment today. That's old school. Like, as Brock pointed out to me in the back, back in the day Bruno Sammartino reigned supreme, and every single member of the locker room wanted a piece of Bruno Sammertino. Back in the day, Hulk Hogan reigned supreme, and everyone wanted a piece of Hulk Hogan. Back in the day, Stone Cold Steve Austin reigned supreme (etc.). That's old school. And that's how it is again today, because today, one man reigns supreme, one man is the WWE World Heavyweight Champion, and after the Royal Rumble whether that man is John Cena or that man is Randy Orton, you might as well put an expiration sticker on the back of their neck, because that one man that reigns supreme, that man will have a target on his back and coming after that WWE World Heavyweight Champion will be the self-proclaimed #1 Contender himself, Brock Lesnar! Now here's where the facts become even more interesting than the hype. There isn't one man in wrestling or mixed martial arts for that matter who can compare to Brock Lesnar. Last week, the World's Strongest Man Mark Henry took up that challenge. And Brock Lesnar had no time to prepare, no strategy, and what did Brock Lesnar do? He laid Mark Henry to waste. He gave Mark Henry the most savage beating of Mark Henry's career. But you and I both know it doesn't matter who comes down that aisle, big or small, old school or new school, they are going to end up a loser, because my client's life really is like a t-shirt, eat, sleep, conquer, repeat. Eat, sleep, conquer, repeat!"

Then, as Lesnar's heading up the ramp, the Big Show hits the arena. He stares down Lesnar, who slowly backs back into the ring and calls Show on. Show climbs in the ring, Lesnar bails. Heyman steps up on the ropes, Lesnar clubs Show from behind, Show catches him and tosses him out of the ring.

Match Six: The Bella Twins vs. Aksana and Alicia Fox

Nikki and Fox start off, lockup, Nikki with an arm drag, snapmare, armbar, Fox reverses into a leg scissors, Nikki with a face breaker, snapmare, monkey flip, Fox tosses Nikki out of the ring, Nikki with a slap from the floor, Fox with a kick, dropkick for two, presses Nikki to the corner, Aksana in, kick, knees, stomps to the inner thigh, twists the leg, Nikki kicks her way out, Brie in, clothesline, dropkick, whip, kick to the gut, running knee, goes for another, Aksana catches her with a kick, kick to Nikki, Brie with punches, elbow, goes to to second rope, misses a missile dropkick, Aksana covers for three.

Winners: Aksana and Alicia Fox

Okay... what?

Match Seven: 3MB vs. Too Cool

Grandmaster Sexay and Mahal start off, Mahal with knees in the corner, whip, Sexay with a kick, missile dropkick, bulldog, Scotty 2 Hotty in, double team throw down, double team elbow drop, McIntyre in, punches, whip, Scotty ducks, bulldog, gets that look in his eyes, W-O-R-M, drops the forearm, starts dancing Slater starts heading toward the ring, McIntyre with a running boot, Mahal in, both of them with strikes, cover for two, chinlock with an armbar, Mahal with knees, McIntyre in, suplex for two, punch to Grandmaster Sexay, Scotty with a neckbreaker, Mahal in, Rikishi in! Rikishi with a punch, then another, then a third, tosses McIntyre out of the ring, Slater tries to run interference, thinks better of it, superkick to Mahal, McIntyre breaks up the count, brawl breaks out, Grandmaster Sexay hits the Hip Hop Drop to... McIntyre? Either way, Mahal goes for a sunset flip, Rikishi drops down for three.

The Godfather leads all of the legends out as they are all announced individually.

Bad News Barrett comes out to interrupt the festivities. ""Ladies and gentlemen, can I have some decorum, please? What a momentous occasion! Look at all these legends gathered here for Old School Raw. Well it should be a momentous occasion, but I'm afraid I've got some bad news. You see, flea markets all across the country were driven into a frenzy by the fact that this lot weren't available to sign twenty five year photographs of themselves and shaking hands with the seven or so people who showed up. Make no mistake gentlemen, your attempts to rekindle your careers are doomed to failure, and your futures to anonymity. I know I'm looking forward to forgetting all of your names the second you leave here, and I take joy in the fact that the entire WWE Universe will forget your names too."

After a commercial, Gene Okerlund comes out. "It is good to be back in Baltimore. I have some great stories about this building and this city. But unfortunately I won't be able to tell you here. You'll have to call my hotline. It's only $5.99 a minute, and kids, forget about it, you don't need your parents' permission! Somebody remembers it. Very good. With that in mind, please welcome the Road Dogg Jesse James and his partner Bad Ass Billy Gunn."

Road Dogg: "Mean Gene, it's just an honour to be introduced by a legend and a WWE Hall of Famer. And if you're thinking of telling that story with the three of us and the clown and that farm animal, just don't do it. That's right, Baltimore! It's me, it's me, it's the D-O-Double-G, with that B-A-D-A-Double crooked letter, and like all of you, I'm fighting something so I'm going to need all of your help tonight. Degeneration X proudly brings to you the Road Dogg Jesse James, The Bad Ass Billy Gunn, The New Age Outlaws!"

Gunn: "You going to let me say something? This is my line. And if you're not down with the New Age Outlaws, we've got two words for you!"

Dogg: "That felt too good. Now this next Superstar needs no introduction. He'll drop pipe bombs on all of your moms, he'll make your short hairs straight and your long hairs curl because he's the best in the world, CM Punk!"

Main Event: CM Punk vs. Roman Reigns

Lockup, Reigns with a shove, lockup, Punk with a side headlock, Reigns tries to whip his way out, it doesn't work, Punk with a snapmare, maintains the hold, Reigns forces a break in the corner, goes for a shoulder tackle, misses, Punk goes back to the hold, Reigns whips his way out, shoulder tackle, commercial.

Back on the air, Punk with a cutter in the ropes, punches, Reigns tosses Punk into the ring post, Punk falls to the ground, staredown between the New Age Outlaws and The Shield, Punk rolls back in, Reigns covers for one, punches, drags Punk to the middle of the ring, cover for one, headbutt to the back, rear waistlock, Punk elbows his way out, nope, wait, doesn't work, Reigns gets Punk down, keeps the hold locked in, Punk elbows his way out, Reigns throws him down, covers for two, kick to the head, another, punch, elbow drop for one, stands on Punk in the corner, misses an elbow drop, Punk blocks a kick, jaw breaker, charges, Reigns catches him, bear hug, transitions to a read waistlock, Punk elbows his way out, then just hits elbows, Reigns with a Samoan Drop for two, misses a superman punch, Punk with a roundhouse kick to the back of the head, NAO and The Shield continue to bicker, Punk with kicks, roundhouse kick to the gut, heel kick, then another, two clotheslines, neckbreaker for two, high knee for two, running high knee again for two, goes to the top rope, Reigns with punches, goes for a superplex, Punk blocks, elbows, headbutt, Reigns tumbles down, Punk hits the elbow drop, calls for the GTS, Ambrose climbs up on the apron, brawl breaks out between the NAO and The Shield, Punk with a suicide dive to Rollins, goes for a springboard clothesline, Reigns catches him with the Superman punch for two, Reigns calls for the spear, Punk leapfrogs, rollup for two, roundhouse kick to the back of the head for two, calls for the GTS, Reigns blocks, Punk with a high knee, bulldog blocked, Ambrose with a distraction, Punk punches him, Reigns with a spear for three.

Winner: Roman Reigns

The entire Shield celebrate their win, JAKE FUCKING ROBERTS IS OUT! And he looks fucking great. He hauls his sack in the ring, Punk and the NAO clear the ring, Punk hits an airplane GTS on Ambrose, Roberts uncoils the snake on Ambrose, who actually looks like he's corpsing just a bit. The Snake poses with the snake to end Raw. Could this be a harbinger of his rumoured Royal Rumble spot? Particularly considering he earlier "confirmed" he wasn't going to be here tonight.