Now I realize that all work parties and gift exchanges have the best intentions. And I also realize that White Elephant Gift Exchanges are suppose to be funny. They are suppose to have either good gifts, or gifts that give you a good laugh. However, I have decided to boycott mine this year.

There are two conclusions to this post:

That gift exchanges are lame unless you all play in the same conference.

I am so cheap my Dad would be proud.

So here I was, at Bed Bath Beyond, where you can really find anything...and Beyond. The price limit for our White Elephant Gift Exchange was $30. A perfect amount. Enough to buy a DVD, and more importantly, enough to buy an As Seen on TV gift. I debated at the ginormous store of Beyond for over 45 minutes. Debating between The Bump It, Shame Wow, The Slap Chop, or Ped Egg. And then I thought, what do I really want? And what I wanted at that moment was to cuddle up and watch a movie. (I must say that the Snuggie was not out in stores yet, or else that would have been the obvious choice.) So instead, I picked out a really nice, red, plush, throw. One that would accent any couch during this time of year.

And a pair of fuzzy socks to go with it....naturally.

I bring my as-if-martha-wrapped-it-herself package to the party with a jolly grin on my face. I couldn't wait to see who would fight over my comfy goodness. Gift after gift was opened.

And I quickly realized. No one else spent 45 minutes looking at the Beyond and deciding between the Giant Remote or the Fruit Saver Bags. No. It became very clear...that everyone ran down to Starbucks, around the corner to the bakery, and in the freaking break room for a can of coke. That's right. I spent probably over $30 including tax when Coworker A, walked in the next room and got a free can of coke. oh but wait, they did wrap it up in Xerox paper.

And so, as I watched cheap gift after cheap gift become unwrapped, I came to my first conclusion.

That gift exchanges are lame unless you all play in the same conference.

We were defintely not all playing in the same conference. I was playing in SEC, one with lots of thought, hard work, and a budget. The others were playing in the Sun Belt conference. That's right, you've never even heard of the Sun Belt conference.

But then I realized the power. The power of chosing very last. The power to pick anything I wanted. My final pick you ask? Not the Pink Pig wearing a Crown, not the can of coke....The really nice, red, plush, throw and fuzzy socks...naturally. Because I wanted to cuddle up in my absolute softness.

However, that is when I came to my second conclusion:

2. I am so cheap my Dad would be proud.

And so, as I left work that day, I took my really nice, red, plush, throw and fuzzy socks...naturally

and the receipt of purchase, back the ginormous store of Beyond and got my 30 bucks plus tax fully refunded back...SUCKAS!!!

Wanna know what I am doing right now?? Currently going through our Senior High School yearbook and typing up all the names of our class. That is correct, I am planning our high school reunion. I am in a major flashback mode and can't believe I have signed up for this one!! Now I just need to convince my closest BFF's that they should come (yes, Tori, that means you!!)

1. a state of balance or equilibrium, as from equality or equal distribution of weight; equipoise.2. a dignified, self-confident manner or bearing; composure; self-possession3. steadiness; stability

But what does Poise mean to me? PAIN. Absolute PAIN.

So leading up to the Big Birth Day, my sister-in-law reminded me that I should pick up some pads. Very. Large. Pads. Now, I have to admit that it has been since I was 12 since I last purchased or used pads, so I didn't really know what I was looking for. But I figured the bigger the better.

Here I was in Target, looking at all the different pads out there, when I very quickly decided on a box of Poise. Quick...because I didn't want anyone to think I needed Depends, nor did I want anyone to ask me when I was having my twins.

You see, there is a difference between sanitary pads and Poise pads. The difference is what caused me PAIN. The difference, is that sanitary pads just soak. Poise pads....PULL moisture. Yes....Think about it. Especially those mom's out there, think about it. And especially those that had freaking stitches like I did...think about it...and cringe. PAIN.