Wednesday, March 07, 2012

How Green Was My Bottom

I'm ready for spring. We have had a shockingly mild winter in Chicago, by Chicago standards. Mild, in our case, means there have been multiple winter days during one has been able to step outside without bursting into tears which immediately freeze to the side of your face.

Listen, you want to know how crummy winter is in Chicago? Winter in Chicago is so crummy that when I told a bunch of Icelanders what our January is like, they gaped at me.

"No," said one of them. "I think we are not calculating this correctly."

I repeated our average January low, and he whipped out an iPhone to confirm the converstion from Farenheit to Celsius. There was a collective gasp.

"This is inhuman. This is like Greenland. How do you stand this?"

Yup. A typical Chicago winter is shockingly cold to people from Iceland.

And please don't start in with the "Oh, but you can wear all your wonderful sweaters and hats and mittens and...". One of the reasons I love being a knitter is that making my own winter gear gives me a false but comforting sense of being in control of the season, but I hate, hate, hate being buried under 16 layers of clothing. Do you know 16 layers of clothing do to a short, broad man? Do you? They make him look like a laundry pile with boots, that's what.

When it's time to retire, kids, I'm moving to the desert and I'm never going to wear anything with a #@$*! sleeve on it, ever again.

So, as I was saying, this is a blog post about the Spring 2012 issue of Knitty.

My contribution is an antique pattern, as usual. Voilà.

It's a bag in the shape of a pineapple. Of course it is.

Pineapple purses were a bit of a fad for part of the 19th century, probably because the fruit–being tropical and therefore exotic–fit perfectly into a more general mania for All Things Oriental, with the "Orient," in this case, encompassing pretty much everything from Japan to North Africa.

One of the most pleasing things about knitting a pineapple is that it's like knitting cables. The whole world thinks you've pulled off the most amazing feat of virtuoso yarn-based legerdemain, when actually all you've done is have a whacking great time with a very bewitching pattern.

Believe it or not, there's more going on in a plain vanilla sock than there is in this pineapple. The whole thing is based on one stitch motif, 16 stitches wide. Once I got going, I absolutely flew through the leaves and the fruit.

Then came the bottom, which is written out thus in the original:

P6, A all around.

Plain, all around.

Repeat these two rounds till the bag is almost closed, then draw it together with a needle.

Translated, this means:

Round 1: (Knit 6, sl1-k2tog-psso) around.
Round 2: Knit.
Repeat rounds 1 and 2 until you have a bag instead of a tube.

But there's a wee hitch. You're starting out with 320 stitches, and the first round is asking you work a repeat of 9 stitches evenly around it.

320 divided by 9 = 35.555555555555556. For those of you non-knitters reading this,* that's a big negatory.

So what to do?

In this case, we have to find a way to close the bag that a) works and b) will be as close as possible to what Jane Gaugain intended.

However, we cannot call, text, e-mail, Tweet or otherwise harass Jane Gaugain to find out what she intended, because even the worms that devoured the worms that devoured her mortal body have long since gone to dust.

We cannot reverse-engineer from the picture, because there is no picture.

We can have a look at a few photographs of extant examples of pineapple bags, though frustratingly few show the bottom and all are obviously knit from patterns that, while similar to hers, are by no means identical.

And we can guess.

We can consider the practical requirements of a bag, such as that a flattish bottom will be more practical than a long, conical bottom.

We can consider the aesthetics of the bag, which is heavily sculpted for three-quarters of its surface and would probably look best with a bottom that matches.

So, we begin by listing theoretical solutions.

What if, instead of beginning with 320 stitches, we began with a near-ish number of stitches into which 9 would divide evenly?

What if the use of "A" (for the double decrease) in Round 1 is a typo? Did Jane mean to put in a T, her symbol for for k2tog? The repeat would take up 8 stitches, and 8 stitches does fit evenly into 320! Ooh!

What if the "6" in Round 1 is a typo? If we substitute a 5, the motif uses 8 stitches, and 8 stitches does fit evenly into 320! Ooh! Ooh!

With a little testing–by which I mean calculations that make my head hurt, followed by a great deal of knitting and then a great deal of ripping out–these three solutions proved unworkable. They all assume that there is some combination of plain stitches, followed by a decrease, that will close up the bag in an attractive fashion.

As it turns out, no there isn't. Or if there is, somebody who is not trying to meet a Knitty deadline will have to find it. Some of the test-knits did begin to close up the bag, yes; but the closure looked like ass. (In this case, "ass" and "bottom" are not synonymous.) The math never worked, either. There always came a point at which the number of stitches in the repeat no longer fit evenly into the number of stitches remaining. Further adjustments could be made at that point, but it would have meant a set of decrease instructions so convoluted that they seemed way out of step with the succinct nature of the rest of the pattern.

Plus, did I mention it looked like ass?

The next option is drift further from Mrs G's two-round instructions. They look so elegant on the page–but if they don't work, they don't work. Hey, it happens. Then, as now, sometimes the instructions aren't just a little off, they're completely broken.

I decided to see what would happen if I had another shot at both Theory 2 and Theory 3–but instead of maintaining the same number of stitches between decreases, I'd have 1 (or 2, in the case of double decreases) fewer stitches between them in every decrease round. This is, of course, the common method for decreasing the tops of hats.

I started with Theory 2, and yup, the bag began to close. Slowly. Slooooowwwwwwwwllllyyy. I looked at the theoretical numbers again, counted the number of rounds they required, and realized I'd end up with a plain green cone, three inches deep, at the end of my pineapple. Not pretty, not practical, and way out of line with the look of the rest of the piece.

If that ain't what she meant, she's welcome to come back from the dead and tell me so. I love it.

I don't love her final finish, though, with the bunch of green silk satin ribbon.** That's coming off and I'm replacing it with a tassel–Lisa Souza's yardage in a hank of Sylvie is so generous that I have plenty left.

I may even knit a mini-pineapple with the leftovers. (It's easy. Pick a multiple of 16 as your cast-on and go for it.)

*I'm not fooling myself. There are no non-knitters reading about how to troubleshoot the decreases at the bottom of a pineapple. I know.

**I dyed that flippin' ribbon myself because it was hard enough just to find silk ribbon, let alone silk in a green that matched. I want extra credit for that, dammit.

I salute your efforts to decipher these old patterns. I'm having a go at one now, the gauntlet having been thrown down in the Jan/Feb issue of Piecework to have a go at a Victorian stocking pattern in which no information is given about yarn, needles, gauge, actual size, etc. It's fun, but aggravating, too!

Obviously since pineapple patterns are appearing all around my I must knit one. I really enjoy reading about the process you used to arrive at your very pretty bottom (I don't like the ribbons either, although maybe looped...)especially since I will never never do this level of processing for myself.

I agree, you do deserve extra credit for finding actual silk ribbon and dying it. I also agree the resulting finish is hideous. Actually, it kind of looks like an ass, which is what you were trying to avoid to begin with.

I'm casting on tomorrow. I'm sure I have something in my stash that'll work just fine. Thanks!

I must make a pineapple. Last month I was in Savannah (warm...not like Chicago - or Calgary, my home) and learned that long ago a person would put out a pineapple to welcome their house guests. If, after a few weeks or months, it was time for the guests to leave, they would take down the pineapple. It all seems rather nice and so civilized. I think I'll make a pineapple to put it up when friends come over to knit. I'm not expecting anyone to stay for weeks or months, by the way!

I just saw the picture this morning and oohed and ahhed over it - and behold, YOU did it! Brilliant work despite freezing fingers. I can relate to the 16 layers, having spent 5 days outside in Alaska taking photos of the start of the Iditarod, but there was no wind such as that which comes off the lake in Chi Town. Been there, done that! Stay warm, I hope spring comes soon so you don't have to wear so many layers and you can knit outside in the warm sun.

I love it. Had your blog up, but also had knitty up and read there first. But I do love it. I love what you can do with your creativity and two needles and that math that must come out of the closet once in a while. Love it. Now, let me see what I can come up with for this pattern. Stash Bust or Yarn Shopping?

Franklin. Love the bag. Sadly I think you will find summers in the desert to be as evil as a Chicago winter in a whole new and thoroughly horrible way. I thought , as you might ,that 121 was bearable if I merely drank enough water. Most emphatically, it is not. It's like passing through a blast furnace while being roasted over an open flame.

On the Victorian pineapple fetish... Here in Newfoundland, tropical fruit was terribly expensive in the eighten and early nineteen hundreds. Everything was brought in by ships and many of the outports were not linked to anything by road.

Pineapples were so expensive, in fact, that they became a status symbol and a weird sort of gift. People ordered them or had relatives send them and then NEVER ever ATE them. They would set them on the table and admire them for weeks. Sometimes, after a few months had passed, they would gift the fruit to someone else and it would adorn another table or mantlepiece for a while.

I have spoken to old men who remember being caned as boys for attempting to cut up a pineapple.

Very odd.

I like the purse and will make one for the mantle of my 120-year-old house. And will not cut it.

Franklin - have you seen the most recent Piecework magazine? There's an article on that same pattern! I don't know if it will help with pineapple bum - when I read the pattern this morning over breakfast, my eyes glazed over.I've been to Chicago in the winter; nothing compared to Winnipeg, where I grew up! Another "windy city".

You are brilliant! And you are my hero! I have been looking for a doable pattern for this since I first laid my eyes on one. I like you, knew that one day I would have to knit one. But now it's going to be easy for me. Thank you so much. I like you a whole lot.

Someone else already suggested it, but my vote goes to louping the ribbon into a sort of flower shape and then attaching it. I can see it it 2 layers - larger next to the purse and then a smaller one with the last loup a very small ball in the center.

I moved to Chicago in 1993. I knew I was in trouble the second I actually *looked* at the clock/temperature signs in front of the banks. It was springtime, and all of the temps had plus signs in front of them... This implied that the temps were in the minuses far too often for me! I was right, that winter had a low temp of -27F!

You have to find the right dessert. I recommend a mountainous one. It's very nice here in Salt Lake City. We have some cold days, but nothing that freezes tears. Lots of extra credit for the dyed ribbon.

Franklin, I live north of Quebec city, I do understand your plight... On another note, big yarn and easy patterns are fine for a quick fix, but for a more satisfying knit, hurray for challenges! I love all those old patterns. If someone was able to make them a hundred years ago, why shouldn't we?I downloaded a whole lot from http://www.antiquepatternlibrary.org/.

Years ago I made a pineapple hat from a Fiber Trends pattern for a silent auction at his school (he modelled it; it made a lot of money). Since 6th grade one of his friends has given him a pineapple for his birthday each year (some sort of private joke).

So despite the fact that he is far too interested in girls to consider carrying an old fashioned purse, I just might need to make him one -- one of those family jokes (plus, it looks like fun now that you've done the hard work, Franklin).

Franklin, i love the pineapple i also love antique things, like patterns, but i never could figure them out like you can.

You think winter in Chicago is bad? Try winter in the suburbs of Chicago, which is where I grew up. Temperatures are even more extreme when you get away from the lake. I have a clear memory of walking to school on a windy day when it was -30 degrees at 7:30 am. Through the recently-fallen and blowing snow.

Wearing the 14 layers is even worse when you're a kid and not yet in complete control of your bladder.

Firstly, born and raised in Chicagoland, and I have to say we have been so spoiled this winter, I just know there is a 3 ft snowfall waiting to blindside us. Our winters play dirty.Secondly, I should've known as soon as I saw the pineapple bag on the Knitty pattern page that I would see your name at the bottom! :)Thirdly, this pineapple bag is made of win, and you totally get extra credit for the ribbon, which I love. The first warm day with no tornadoes is in your honor!

You're telling me that I can get this awesome pointy texture just by knitting those rows, no complicated blocking?? I have GOT to try this. I'm thinking baby hat so it's a smaller project. And I'll use your bottom as the top of the hat! Also I totally agree that a tassel will look way better than that ribbon :-)

Well I hate to burst your bubble (not really), but I don't knit and I LOVE reading your blog. Don't get me wrong, I know how to knit, but I don't. I crochet (I know evil, pure evil). However, I read your blog because I think you are brillant and funny. Besides, I am pretty sure we are soul sisters who share an infinity for the Victorian era and cute boys.

By the way, great work on the pineapple purse. It almost intrigues me enough to try and knit it (okay who am I kidding).

this post reminds me once again that if I don't want to become addicted to aspirin for non-stop headaches, we should all get down on bent knees and "hail" all of you who design for us. And hopefully get you all paid more, too.

Thanks for writing two charming articles about the same purse, one for your blog and one for knitty! Also, thank you for including all the "crazy person" directions for the purse silk and the beads and the multiple colors. Since I have a set of 0/5s, I don't see how I'll be able to resist.

Don't move to the desert if you want to avoid sleeves. The temperature plummets when the sun goes down in dry climates. Stay near the ocean; large bodies of water hold heat and moderate the temperature.

Hey, your pineapple is super cute. I think your fix worked just fine, though I do admit that I did spend a bit of time trying to come up with an alternative. Not very hard, mind, because my brain has been fuzzed completely until lunchtime happens.

I do sooo admire your bottom! The timing on this is just too much. for a Victorian weekend, I have been working the bag in the Jan. issue of Piecework - sort of. I am not fond of the adaptation, so am kind of winging it. My bottom is different, but I am following the instructions provided by a Miss Lambert for the pineapple. I am using a size 5 perle cotton and 3 ought needles. I did a sample on 5 oughts - get a life! This is a really interesting and fun project.

The collection I work in has a lot of "misers' purses" - I believe knitted. Must go an re-inspect. Do not believe we have a pineapple, though.

And an aside -- in this age of fruit all year round, remember when a pineapple was an expensive fruit? something my mother only bought when she was hosting the weekly Mah Jong game? and she had I(and I now have) a wooden tray shaped like a pineapple.

I found your blog through the latest issue of knitty --- I not only laughed while reading the blog entry, I promptly had to send the link off to some knitting friends! However, I did find that I had to give them a correction on the link . . . knitty has it as ...panopticon dash blogspot (instead of panopticon dot blogspot.

Thank you for this delightful blog entry --- especially the warning about knitting this item in public!

I lived in Great Lakes as a child. I totally understand what you're saying about winter in Chicago. The only Great Lakes weather memories I have are of winter. My parents claim there WAS other weather, but I don't remember it. School used to close because it was too cold & exposed flesh would (quickly) become frostbitten. I don't miss winter in Chicago.

Well, this non-knitter (i.e. crocheter) did read all about decreasing knit stitches because we get into areas like that as well.

And then there was this quote "(In this case, "ass" and "bottom" are not synonymous.)" that I loved, because "ass" and "bottom" make me think first of A Midsummer Night's Dream, and Titania (Queen of the Fairies) would have rocked that purse :)

Funnily enough, I was reading another favorite blog, that was also talking about Knitted pineapples. They started with the same ladie's pattern as you did. Here's the link, just to see someone else's take on solving the bottom quandry. http://www.gancedo.eu/Pine_Apple_Bag.pdf

Love love your pineapple! I'd like to knit one as well, but what would I do with it once done?

You inspired me to dig out a few of my Bear Brand "Blue Books", which caused me to ponder turn-of-the-century knitters and their mental status. None the less, I think 'The Penrod' would look smashing on you, posed by the fireplace whilst clenching your pipe.As always, thanks for the laugh.

Franklin, Thank you so much for making this purse and submitting it to Knitty. For the past 2 days, I've been going back to Knitty and looking at your pineapple purse (and considering giving a try). You did a fantastic job on the knitting and the hard part of doing the math calculations to make the bag come out right.

I enjoyed reading how it all came about, and got the shock of realizing that I have a copy of Montse Stanley's Readers Digest Book. I found the picture on pg.54. (the acorns and strawberries are cute too)

I also was surprised to realize that I had downloaded on my iPad(for free) "The Ladies' Work-Table Book" It was found and is one of the books of the Gutenberg Project.I looked up the Pineapple purse, and found that the directions are very vague. I wondered if the ladies knitting this purse back then had an actual finished purse to look at - maybe it got passed around the neighborhood and got sent to female relatives?

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away MapleStory Mesos, Ability may get you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there Maple Story Mesos, experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards MapleStory Mesos.

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