Who among us can honestly say they haven't taken a cheeky wee in a back alley after a night on the turps? The truly honest might 'fess up to peeing in the kitchen sink when a roommate refused to get out of the goddamn shower when they really, really needed to go. Whatever the case may be you don't take a photo of it and post it on the Twitters for all the world to see – which is what the very classy Ke$ha did when she took a toilet break on the street when she got stuck in traffic. "Pee pee on the street,"she wrote. "PoPo come n get me if u can find meeee. I blame traffik." Why, you might ask? And you'd be right in doing so. [Daily Mail]

They were first rumored to be secretly sexing on each other a few weeks back before her rep denied it, and now, following a cozy weekend away, Mila Kunis has come forward herself to say that until you see penetrative photographic evidence you can rest assured she's not fucking Ashton Kutcher. "It's absurd!" she said. "A friend is a friend." Which is unfortunate wording, because as a cursory glance at her IMDB page will tell you, one can have Friends with Benefits. [E!]Mila also hit Vegas with James Franco. Sorry, tabloid whisperers, they're promoting their movie, Oz the Great and Powerful. [People]

Advertisement

Rihanna can't take her mom anywhere, but we wish she'd take her everywhere. Escorting her daughter to Time's 100 most influential people party, Monica Braithwaite decided to embarrass her daughter by making a joke about the alleged night of boot knockin' she had with Ashton Kutcher. Sadly, the joke is yet to be made public. "Well....2nt consisted of us singing Bob Marley, drinkin Vintage Scotch, and my mom thinkin a joke abt Kutcher was appropriate! #Thxtime100," Tweeted Rihanna. [Page Six]

Advertisement

Part of me wants Hillary Clinton to become the leader of the universe, because if anyone can find a way to fight off the inevitable alien invasion and prevent people Soylent Greening the shit out of each other, it's her. The other, darker side wants her to be reduced to speaking to the public on celebrity chat lines – you just know she'd give the best advice about everything. On that note, here are 45 reasons why she'd be perfect in either future role. [Buzzfeed]

Advertisement

It's not only studio execs who think that Jason Segel doesn't look so crash hot naked, the actor himself jokes that he only strips off if he's looking for a few laughs. "Apparently me being naked is funny— onscreen," he said. "In my personal life…. If I take my clothes off it's met with hysterical laughter, for some reason." Michelle Williams seems to disagree. Whether it would have been for laughs or shower nozzle masturbation material, there's no point in seeing Five-Year Engagement now seeing as his nude scene has been cut. "They couldn't find a lens wide enough," he added. [Us]

Normally celebrity death hoaxes need a day of confusion to get any traction, but R. Kelly announced he is fine just hours after news of his untimely death surfaced — before any of us were awake to retweet initial reports and upset fans. [ABC]

Serial celebrity shagger Alex Rodriguez says he looks up to George Clooney for anti-marriage inspiration. He's my new role model," he said. "I think he's done it right." [Page Six]

Here is Chris Brown's karaoke video clip-inspired photo shoot with girlfriend Karrueche Tran. It's got the beach and a sunset, it just needs a white horse galloping in the background and a red rose randomly thrown in and it'll be perfect. [NYDN]

Calvin Klein's "troubled" ex Nick Gruber can't decide between rehab or reality TV. I know which I'd prefer, but that doesn't mean it's in his best interests. [NYDN]

Watch Rose Byrne get attacked in her home home on this potentially funny (but not really) new interview series. [YouTube]

Proving that Steel Magnolias can cross generations – and differing camp sensibilities — Taylor Swift and Dianna Agron dress up and take a photo in honor of Shirley MacLaine's 78th birthday. [E!]

Somebody snatched up Carrie Bradshaw's West Village apartment from Sex And The City — for just $9.85 million they too can now have tourists taking endless photos in front of their place. [Us]

It'll make the floor show a little less entertaining but it's probably for the best that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony have agreed to keep the peace for the sake of their kids. [People]

She's been a total trouper while attending court to ensure her mother, brother and nephew's killer is brought to justice, but Jennifer Hudson understandably stepped out of the room when the jury were shown crime scene photos. [People]

White House crasher extraordinaire Tareq Salahi announces he will run as a Republican for governor of Virginia. [Yahoo]

Poor old Octomom is facing the heat this week, now she's under fire for spending cash on pricey blowouts – from the company of the products she is using. What a charming way to get publicity. [TMZ]