It’s easy enough to snag the former with a cool approach even if you don’t have a lot invested your flirting bank of knowledge. She’s hot. She’s fun. You’re not tongue tied around her. If the flirtation leads nowhere, there’s always someone else to chat up.

Confidence with this kind of woman will get you pretty far – your indifference releases her anxieties and allows you to project a sense of cool.
The second kind of woman – the “dream woman” – presents a greater challenge. She’s self-composed, beautiful and elusive. She stops you in your tracks. She turns your normally savvy barstool eloquence into drivel. She haunts your thoughts. You spend hours overanalyzing every interaction, every stutter you stammered and every sideways glance she shot your way.

It’s possible to spend an entire lifetime hanging out with women of the first variety. They provide ease, fun, and confidence. Feel free to ignore your attraction to the woman of your dreams. Stifle it with a steady diet of party girls and quick flings and relationships that never quite catch.

But you’re not the kind of guy to leave what you want on the table.

Man-up, grow a pair, and land that lady already.

How Can I Get Her?

Focus on her imperfections. She does have some. Take note. Instead of focusing on all the impossibly perfect and alluring qualities that seduce you into a cold sweat—the Bardot hair, the Meghan Fox mouth, the Marion Ravenwood moxy–find the parts of her personality that don’t shine. Dig up the flaws. Find the things that make her human.

Maybe she has a charming facial tic or overuses the word “substantial” too often. Maybe she curses like a sailor, or wears unattractive printed pants. Any time you start to place her up on an unobtainable pedestal, laser in on those imperfections. Reminding yourself of her flaws helps keep her real and approachable.

Change Your Cognitive Thoughts

Cognitive science is the science of how humans think. If your woman is as superb as you think, she’s probably used to other dudes falling all over themselves around her.

View her as an equal. By making her approachable in your mind, you’ll fine tune your approach. She’ll appreciate the levelheadedness and honesty that you offer by considering her a peer rather than a princess.

What About A Date?

So your steady hand gets you in the door for a date. Now is not the time to apply the same sloppy methods you use on your normal dates. Play the long game with this one. Keep things cool and casual. Build rapport. Find a suitable credit card for an extra line of credit to afford a memorable first date. You don’t need to find a string quartet, a midnight flight to Paris or a blank check to Tiffany’s – trying too hard mashes the brakes on your pursuit quickly.

Instead, take her out to do something you have genuine passion about using your new credit card. Passion and enthusiasm play sexy to this kind of woman. While an opulent first date might flatter her ego, allowing her to see the things you value is much more attractive. If you’re a sports fan, take her to a ballgame. If you love old movies take her to see a Kurosawa film. While she might not trashtalk the pitcher, or love movies with subtitles, allow your enthusiasm for whatever to carry the date. Educate her about your passion. If it turns out you have the same things in common: perfect. If not: it’s okay. Women love men who are interested in life.

Show her your interest, then ask her to share hers on your next date. Enjoy what she shows you, be it something amazing like an architecture exhibition, disappointing like a Justin Bieber concert, or boring like financial planning. Take the opportunity to learn about her.

I Got Her!

By building this rapport you will have demystified your dream girl. Soon enough you’ll be sharing bedhead and scrambled eggs on the weekends instead of tension filled chats at the bar. Even dream women aren’t mysterious or unobtainable, you just have to be willing to wake up.