The place was dry and warm when The Dick crashed through the front door.

“I hate this fucking weather,” he grumbled, shaking the rain off his jacket.

﻿﻿

Meet The Dick

As he cased the joint, his gaze zeroed in on the person he’d been sent here to meet, Punkassward, who was shooting a game of pool in the back of the bar. Dropping his jacket on a nearby stool, he scraped its legs against the floor. The stool made an irritating screeching noise as he sat his ass down. PAW looked up from his shot and frowned at the motherfucker who’d just interrupted him.

﻿﻿﻿

Meet PAW

“Let me guess, you’re The Dick?”

“No, I’m the fucking Tooth Fairy,” The Dick replied sarcastically.

Emmett McCarty watched as the scene unfolded before him, wondering how he’d gotten himself into a mess like this. Oh yeah, that’s right, he couldn’t say no to a pretty face. Sighing, he grabbed the notebook that he’d use to jot notes down on as he conducted this interview.

﻿

Meet Emmett McCarty

“Hey fellas,” he called out as he made his way over. Both Dick and PAW glared his way, causing Emmett to feel an odd sense of déjà vu.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“Name’s Emmett and I own the bar, dude. Michelle called in some favors and I’m interviewing you for her today.”

PAW nodded. “How do you want to do this?”

“Erm, I didn’t really give it much thought, honestly. How about you guys play a game and I’ll shoot some questions your way?”

The Dick shrugged. “I’m cool with that.”

He walked over and picked out a cue, chalking the end of it as PAW racked the balls up.

“I mean, you look like one...” PAW replied as he watched his competition break, “and you definitely shoot a cue like one...”

Dick stood back and watched as a few balls went into the pockets. “Guess that'll be high ball for me.”

PAW smirked. “Yeah, okay, 'Friend'.”

Em shook his head as he kept an eye on the back and forth between those two. It was just like a tennis match. “Whoa, you dudes are a little intense, aren't ya?”

Dick glanced over at him. “Didn't you have some questions? I mean, I can banter with the best...” he paused for a moment, eyeballing PAW, “but this ain't it.”

PAW paused with a smoke dangling from his lips. “Did you just eyeball me?”

Dick chuckled. “I think it's your go, pal.”

Em cleared his throat. “Okay, then.” He glanced at the list of questions, scanning them briefly.

PAW pointed toward The Dick. “You need to quit that 'pal' and 'friend' shit, right now.”

“Touchy,” Dick replied.

“Not touchy. I just don't fraternise with law enforcement.” PAW looked Dick up and down. “If that's what they call you...”

“Dude...call me law enforcement one more time and I might just have to teach you a thing or two about gettin' your ass kicked.”

PAW laughed loudly. “Yeah. Okay. PAL.”

“Who the fuck came up with these?” Emmett murmured as he scratched his head reading over the questions a second time. “Alright, first question, have either of you have ever considered wearing a "Dick Thong" and if not, why?”

Emmett scrunched his brow, before leveling the others with a baffled look. “What the fuck is a dick thong?”

PAW held up a hand. “Whoa, whoa wait. What's with the quoting Lionel Ritchie and Ravioli nonsense?” He looked at Emmett. “Can I say Oreos again?”

“Sure, whatever works for you, dude.”

The Dick downed a shot. “Long fucking story dude...that might take more than one game of pool, if ya know what I'm sayin'....and there's nothin' wrong with a little bit-o-Lionel...every once in a fucking while.With the right circumstances, that is.”

“Long fucking story, dude...” he replied, lifting his Jack and gestured a cheers.

Dick nodded and raised his shot glass. “To long ass stories, then.”

“Abso-fuckin-lutely,” PAW replied, taking ashot.

“Favorite public place to have sex?” Emmett piped up.

Dick tried to hide a smirk in remembrance of a certain public display of fucking affection. “Beedee's motherfuckin' Essum...is all I'm sayin'.”

PAW groaned. “Oral sex in a public library is fucking awesome.”

Emmett gave PAW a look of awe. “A Library? Classic.”

Dick smiled appreciatively. “NICE. Did she wear glasses? The glasses are classic.”

“Nope. No glasses. But the tight pencil skirt and silk blouse were...” PAW paused as he cleared his throat. “Yeah, that shit was fuckhot, except I'm needing to pay back the favour. If you know what I mean.”

Emmett glance at him, wide-eyed. “Erm, no? I don’t know? I have no clue what your woman reads, dude.”

The Dick sighed. “Twins..ferry ride to Ellis fucking Island...I was trackin' down this nut fuck who'd lifted some expensive goddamn paintings outta the DC museum of art...Long story. Let's just say...the dude's car we ‘borrowed’ for the experience will never be the same... I need to make a mental note that Swan never sees this shit.”

PAW rolled his eyes at Emmett. “You know what I mean...Yes, I had a threeway. It was a birthday present from my boss. Swedish masseurs. Goddamn did they massage my shit...”

“Swedish huh?” Dick asked.

PAW pulled on his smoke. “Oh, yeah. Very eager.”

Emmett nodded appreciatively.

Dick’s eyes glazed over, day dreaming for a minute or two, before shaking it off.

PAW cleared his throat. “Next question?”

“Do you think your women would get along?”

The Dick nodded. “Swan gets along with fucking everybody.Except dick twats who try shit with her she never asked for...including yours truly.”

PAW chuckled. “I'm guessing the woman that puts up with this asshole is a saint or mentally challenged, either way, I think they'd get along.”

Dick’s shoulders bobbed like a motherfucker. “That was the easiest question of the goddamn day, I'd say.”

Emmett laughed, agreeing with that sentiment. “What's your deepest, smuttiest fantasy?” Both men shot him incredulous looks. “Hey, I didn't make this shit up. I'm just asking them.”

PAW sighed. “Jesus, this could take a while.”

“I’ve been tryin’ to get Swan on board with takin’ aride on the DC metro during rush hour, puttin’ some ear buds on her to the sounds of maybe....hell I dunno...Band of Skulls or somethin’…. You know…to see if she can keep eye contact with me while I’m lettin’ my fingers do the fuckin’ if ya know what I mean.”

PAW rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Eating Peaches out on the table that we used during our sessions at Arthur Kill? Fucking her on Kala. Taking her from behind in Peter's office. Damn, with that woman the list could be endless...”

Dick cocked an eyebrow. “Peaches...I get it.”

“Sweet and fruity, my man. Sweet and fruity.” PAW grinned.

Dick smiled and nodded. “True that.”

Emmett glanced down at his notes and blanched. “For the next question, please keep in mind that I'm just the messenger here... If you had to go gay for a day, what guy would you pick?”

“Ah, Jesus...not this shit again,” Dick groaned.

PAW blinked slowly. “..the fuck?”

Dick looked over at the punk. “Right?” He paused for a minute, before snapping his fingers. ”Okay…I got one… Jane Lynch….that counts as a dude, right? ...What?She’s fucking bad ass.And one tall ass motherfucker.”

PAW started to count on his fingers. “Condoms, cigarettes, lube, copy of A Farewell to Arms,” he paused to glare at Dick. “Don't judge. A pair of Peaches' underwear,” he snorted, ”which she still doesn't know about. Handcuffs. I know, ironic as fuck, right?” He held his palm up to Dick, who scowled and stared in disbelief.

“Those cuffs aren't government issued by any chance...I know a grunt who's missing a pair from when he illegally searched this chick’s apartment one night when...well...nevermind the deets...just curious.”

PAW looked away and mumbled. “Oh, no, the way I got them was totally legit...”

“I don't wanna know.”

“Cop learns fast.”

Dick ignored PAW’s blatant attempt at pissing him off and downed another shot.

Emmett chuckled. “Coke or Pepsi?”

“Dr. fucking Pepper,” Dick replied.

PAW grimaced. “Neither...I like Sprite.”

Dick burst out laughing, “Sorry,” he muttered as he tried to stop. “Doesn't matter, I guess. I'm sure you've got more important things to worry about....like that shot you still need to take on the table there...”

PAW rolled his eyes. “Whatever, Forrest”

Dick snorted. “There isn't even any fucking caffeine in that shit...SPORT.”

“And I may be a lot a things...but crooked is definitely not one of them....technically anyway...”

PAW shook his head. “If you're not crooked, then I'm the fucking President. Not crooked, my ass...You'd have to be crooked to drive a car like that. Vanquish, right?” He chuckled. “Compensating for something?”

“Uh....not anymore... and hey, if I can afford to drive the best, why shouldn't I?”

“Fair enough, Cop.”

“There's a lotta fucking rage in you, PAW, I have the number to a...” he paused for a moment, thinking, “decent...” Another pause. “Thera....nevermind.”

PAW smirked and patted Dick’s arm.”You keep that number, man. After these shenanigans, you may need it!”

“No fucking doubt.”

PAW stretched and threw his napkin onto a plate. “Can i get the fuck outta dodge now? I got a woman to see.”

I would like to take a moment to thank the amazing KitsuShel for letting her characters Emmett and Rose from her story Rabbit Heart, hang out with us here. KitsuShel took the time to get together and collaberate with jaxon22 and FictionFreak95 and together the three of them pumped out all of the lovely action you just read and I know you all appreciate it as much as I do.

This idea of two of my favorite wards being in the same room, at the same time and having conversation just wouldn't let go of me and I finally asked jaxon22 and FictionFreak95 to let me have their men for awhile. Since I've carried a crush on Shaggy (Emmett) from KitsuShel's Rabbit Heart, I knew he would be the perfect mediator for this meeting. Thank goodness, they all agreed, I glowed with excitement, a few weeks later, and here we are.

Please, Please go and read these wonderful stories if you haven't already. I chose these characters because there is something remarkable about each one of them and you will feel the same when you meet them:

When Private Eye Edward Cullen decides to investigate the "accidental death" of an old friend, he finds more people are involved then he originally theorized as the case takes twists & turns he never saw coming after Bella Swan arrives in town. AH, BxE

To pay a debt she owes her father, Isabella Swan starts a new job as a prison tutor. Edward Cullen, with his own debts, is the Punk Ass inmate in her class. Can they fight the odds and their dangerous attaction to learn from each other? A/H, Lemons, OOC

Mondays can't be THAT bad when you have a fresh batch of new recs from The Lemonade Stand! Dive right in with some old faithful authors ...

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