Fame, says Kristen Stewart, is like being "raped." She talked to British Elle about the paparazzi: "the photos are so... I feel like I'm looking at someone being raped. A lot of the time I can't handle it." She continues, "What you don't see are the cameras shoved in my face and the bizarre intrusive questions being asked, or the people falling over themselves, screaming and taunting to get a reaction." Cheer up, Kristen, Lady Gaga's paparazzi ballad was written for you. "It's fucked. I never expected that this would be my life." Unless Britney Spears' "Lucky" is her anthem? [NYDN, image via Splash]

Jane Lynch wed her girlfriend in Massachusetts this week. The ceremony took twenty minutes, the brides wore cream and black, the cake was filled with chocolate mousse. [Us]

Lindsay Lohan is so down on her luck, her probation kerfuffle coincides with getting her wisdom teeth pulled. She had to get special permission for the sedation, in case the painkillers show up in a drug test. There are pictures of her with her face swaddled, looking miserable. New BFF Lady Victoria Hervey floated around the scene of the tooth drill, for no apparent reason. [TMZ, X-17 Online]

With a plea deal and jail time looming for his assault of wife Brooke Mueller, Charlie Sheen went to Disneyland with ex-wife Denise Richards for daughter Lola's birthday. I would have guessed "coke and hooker binge" for his final moments of freedom. [E!, TMZ]

Famous damsels in distress are like a bat call for Celebrity Rehab's producers. Their latest target: Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York, who is dead broke, drunk, and trying to sell access to her family. Silly Fergie—you're supposed to sell access to yourself, and your most humiliating moments of deseration, so they may be syndicated on national TV. [Radar]

A waitress-actress saw Quentin Tarantino through the window of her New York restaurant and ran onto the street and assalted him with ambition. He returned the next day with Benicio Del Toro and the happy trio got drunk. She'll be a famous millionaire in a day or two. [P6]

Mariah Carey: Totally pregnant! Unless, of course, she isn't. These rumors have been going on for so long, we'll be able to rule them out if a baby doesn't pop out of her in the next week or two. [Radar]

Actress Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon filed for divorce from her cheating talent agent husband. As for the mass email she sent comparing him to Tiger Woods, "I don't regret it." In other words: This divorce is going to be messy. [E!]