Piranha 3DD

TBD 2012

Once more proudly swimming in the waters of cheap, instant gratification, the new trailer for Piranha 3DD (the extra “D” stands for “Did you notice all the tits?”) gets right to the stuff that will sell its inflated tickets—namely plenty of busty strippers in bikinis, some of whom end up with tiny carnivorous fish in their vaginas, leading to the now-obligatory scene of someone losing a dick. There’s also some plot points in there or whatever, involving a typically sleazy David Koechner and his water park, a ludicrous scientific explanation for the piranhas’ infiltration of said park delivered, once again, by typically ludicrous scientist Christopher Lloyd, and an even more winking cameo from a typically self-parodying David Hasselhoff, who no doubt eagerly supplied his own costume. Plus, Ving Rhames also returns, brandishing a pair of machine-gun legs, thus saving both the day and the film from otherwise lapsing into sober self-seriousness.

But such breasts and camp and breasts aside, there’s no question that the true money shot of Piranha 3DD (the extra “D” stands for “Dearest apologies for the delay, there are definitely more tits arriving soon”) appears midway through this preview, when Gary Busey unsheathes his own ferocious fangs and bites one of the fish in half, thereby letting them know—as we’ve suggested before—that while “piranha” might stand for “People’s Ignorance Receiving Aquatic Nature’s Hostile Answer,” “fish” is just another word for “Futilely Invading Shrewd Humans.”