Retired U.S. Air Force Colonel Charles Holsen teaches fifth-grade bilingual class at Esparza Elementary School, Monday, Nov. 26, 2012. Holsen spent 26 years in the air force and started teaching 15 years ago with assistance from the federal program, Troops to Teachers.

Retired U.S. Air Force Colonel Charles Holsen teaches fifth-grade bilingual class at Esparza Elementary School, Monday, Nov. 26, 2012. Holsen spent 26 years in the air force and started teaching 15 years ago with assistance from the federal program, Troops to Teachers.

Retired U.S. Air Force medic Dan Leija works with Brandon Gonzales, 10, during a science experiment at Esparza Elementary School, Monday, Nov. 26, 2012. After his 22-year career with the Air Force, Leija turned to teaching with assistance from the federal program, Troops to Teachers. In 2011, Leija was awarded the Texas Teacher of the Year by the Texas Education Agency.

Retired U.S. Air Force medic Dan Leija works with Brandon Gonzales, 10, during a science experiment at Esparza Elementary School, Monday, Nov. 26, 2012. After his 22-year career with the Air Force, Leija turned

Retired U.S. Air Force medic Dan Leija teaches fifth-grade math and science at Esparza Elementary School, Monday, Nov. 26, 2012. After his 22-year career with the Air Force, Leija turned to teaching with assistance from the federal program, Troops to Teachers. In 2011, Leija was awarded the Texas Teacher of the Year by the Texas Education Agency.

Retired U.S. Air Force medic Dan Leija teaches fifth-grade math and science at Esparza Elementary School, Monday, Nov. 26, 2012. After his 22-year career with the Air Force, Leija turned to teaching with

Photos of retired U.S. Air Force Col Charles Holsen, left, and retired Air Force medic Dan Leija are part of a Veterans Wall at Esparza Elementary School, Monday, Nov. 26, 2012. Holsen and Leija went through the federal program Troops to Teachers and now teach at the school.

Photos of retired U.S. Air Force Col Charles Holsen, left, and retired Air Force medic Dan Leija are part of a Veterans Wall at Esparza Elementary School, Monday, Nov. 26, 2012. Holsen and Leija went through

Carlos Rodriguez does a math problem as his Kindergarden teacher Michele Guyer looks on. Guyer is a retired medical technician with the Air National Guard who benefited from a program called "Troops to Teachers" that helps retired military and injured military members to become school teachers.

Carlos Rodriguez does a math problem as his Kindergarden teacher Michele Guyer looks on. Guyer is a retired medical technician with the Air National Guard who benefited from a program called "Troops to

Michele Guyer is an Kindergarden teacher at Scobee Elementary. She is a retired medical technician with the Air National Guard who benefited from a program called "Troops to Teachers" that helps retired military and injured military members to become school teachers.

Michele Guyer is an Kindergarden teacher at Scobee Elementary. She is a retired medical technician with the Air National Guard who benefited from a program called "Troops to Teachers" that helps retired

Michele Guyer is an Kindergarden teacher at Scobee Elementary. She is a retired medical technician with the Air National Guard who benefited from a program called "Troops to Teachers" that helps retired military and injured military members to become school teachers.

Michele Guyer is an Kindergarden teacher at Scobee Elementary. She is a retired medical technician with the Air National Guard who benefited from a program called "Troops to Teachers" that helps retired

Retired U.S. Air Force medic Dan Leija helps from left, Stephanie Barbosa, 11, Nathan Robles, 10 and Jeannette Rodriguez, 10, with a science experiment at Esparza Elementary School, Monday, Nov. 26, 2012. After his 22-year career with the Air Force, Leija turned to teaching with assistance from the federal program, Troops to Teachers. In 2011, Leija was awarded the Texas Teacher of the Year by the Texas Education Agency.

Retired U.S. Air Force Colonel Charles Holsen teaches fifth-grade bilingual class at Esparza Elementary School, Monday, Nov. 26, 2012. Holsen spent 26 years in the air force and started teaching 15 years ago with assistance from the federal program, Troops to Teachers.

Before there was Johnny Football — aka Johnny Manziel, Texas A&M's record-setting freshman quarterback — there were other famous Johnnys with descriptive monikers. They weren't all as successful as Manziel has been, but they've certainly been memorable.

People, primarily ESPN and Aggie people, are losing their minds over the success of the overnight football star. Many die-hard Aggie fans, who are used to long football droughts, are counting their Heisman trophies before they're hatched, er, presented.

YouTube is full of fans declaring their love, including one woman singing her ode of undying love for Johnny Football to the tune of Shelley Fabares' 1962 hit “Johnny Angel.” I can't force myself to watch the whole thing. If you can, tell me how it goes.

(For the record and according to the song's lyrics, the original Johnny Angel didn't know Shelley existed. She was optimistic that he would one day see the light, but as far as we know, he never did.)

Another Johnny who didn't get the job done was King John of England. He qualifies because his name described what he was, i.e. the king. Like Johnny Football, Johnny King set offensive records. According to historians, however, King was just very offensive — petty, spiteful and cruel.

Johnny Football lost two games this season. Johnny King lost two regions to France. Johnny Football wants the Heisman trophy, a statue that shows a football player stiff-arming an unseen defender. Johnny King, however, got the ol' Heisman from his nobles, who revolted and forced him to sign the Magna Carta. There may not be any YouTube videos about his 20 years of ineffectiveness as a king, but there were the Robin Hood stories, in which the usurper king is named John.

Another Johnny marked for failure was Johnny Come Lately. This guy is the epitome of a loser. He's basically the last guy to come around and get on the bandwagon. A modern-day example would be all of your friends who are newly minted Houston Texans fans. Two years ago, they didn't even know Houston had a team. Now, they bleed dark blue and red. And if you ask them, they've always been Texans fans.

(It's OK if you're late to the Johnny Football train, by the way. You offset the thousands of UT and Baylor fans who hate the guy.)

Johnny B. Goode, on the other hand, was beloved by all. Singer Chuck Berry was essentially describing himself in the 1958 classic about a guitar hero.

Everyone loves guitar players. Guys want to be them. Girls want to be with them. Berry's song was one of the first songs that drew black and white crowds to the same music. It was such a classic that NASA included a copy of the song on the Voyager I spacecraft as one of Earth's major cultural achievements. That, my friends, is goode.

Johnny Rotten was not good. As you can probably discern from his name, the lead singer of the '70s punk band The Sex Pistols was not the guy you'd want your daughter dating. He had orange teeth, which was OK because it matched his spiked orange hair. I liked the band, but then again, I never had the pleasure of having Rotten spit on me from the stage, which was how he interacted with fans in concert.

I'm split on whether Johnny Appleseed would deserve the Heisman or the Garden Club equivalent. Like Johnny Football, his real first name was Jonathan. And yes, he went around planting apple orchards all over the countryside, and most people like apples. That's like winning road games in Mississippi and Alabama, right?

But what if you didn't want apple trees blocking the view from your front porch? What if roadside apple trees dropped ripe fruit on your head?

Then there's this: If you look at historical accounts, Appleseed was a vegetarian who gave away fruit orchards and enjoyed being poor. In that way, Appleseed may have been America's first communist. You might not like Aggies, but you know they're not commies.

The most comparable Johnny to Johnny Football is '60s cartoon teen Johnny Quest, who was always going on great adventures. He didn't have an Air Raid offense like Johnny Football, but his dad had a cool jet plane. Quest didn't have to deal with scurrilous sports bloggers as Johnny Football does, but he often had to run from snakes, which is similar. When Johnny Football gets in trouble, he scrambles. When Quest got in trouble, he had to wait on his dad and Race Bannon to bail him out.

And Johnny Football is on a quest to win a Heisman and football championships. The hype will end after Saturday's Heisman presentation. Then we can focus our full attention on Timmy Basketball.