The Lady's Paying lyrics

The Lady's Paying

NORMA
Hurry up, the birthday boy is on his way
This is a surprise celebration
I hope you've remembered everything I've said
I want to see a total transformation

JOE
What's all this?

NORMA
Happy birthday, darling. Did you think we'd forgotten?

JOE
Well, I ... I don't know.

NORMA
These people are from the best men's shop in town. I had them close it down for the day.

JOE
Norma, now listen!

NORMA
I'll leave you boys to it.

MANFRED
Happy birthday, welcome to your shopathon!

JOE
What's going on?

MANFRED
Help yourself, it's all been taken care of
Anyone who's anyone is dressed by me

JOE
Well, golly gee

MANFRED
Pick out anything you'd like a pair of
You just point, I'll do the rest
I've brought nothing but the best
You're a very lucky writer
Come along now, get undressed
Unless I'm much mistaken
That's a 42-inch chest

JOE
I don't understand a word you're saying

MANFRED
Well, all you need to know's the lady's paying
It's nice to get your just reward this time of year

JOE
Get outta here!

MANFRED
And all my merchandise is strictly kosher
When you've thrown away all your old worn-out stuff

JOE
Hey, that's enough

MANFRED
Perhaps you'd like to model for my brochure
I have just the thing for you
Chalk-stripe suits

SALESMAN 1
In black

SALESMAN 2
Or blue

SALESMAN 3
Glen plaid trousers

SALESMAN 4
Cashmere sweaters

SALESMAN 5
Bathing shorts for Malibu

SALESMAN 6
Here's a patent leather lace-up

SALESMAN 7
It's a virtuoso shoe

MANFRED
And a simply marvelous coat made of vicuna

JOE
You know what you can do with your vicuna

NORMA
Come on Joe, you haven't even started yet

JOE
You wanna bet?

NORMA
I thought by now he'd look the height of fashion
He always takes forever making up his mind
Don't be unkind
I thought you writers knew about compassion

I love flannel on a man

MANFRED
This will complement his tan

NORMA
We'll take two of these and four of those

MANFRED
I'm still your greatest fan!
Very soon now we'll have stopped him
Looking like an also-ran

JOE
You're going to make me sorry that I'm staying

NORMA
Well, all right, I'll choose, after all, I'm paying!

MANFRED
Evening clothes?

NORMA
I want to see your most deluxe

JOE
Won't wear a tux

NORMA
Of course not, dear, tuxedos are for waiters

MANFRED
What we need are tails, a white tie and top hat

JOE
I can't wear that

NORMA
Joe, second-rate clothes are for second-raters

JOE
Norma, please...

NORMA
Shut up, I'm rich
Now some platinum blonde bitch
I own so many apartments
I've forgotten which is which

JOE
I don't have to go to premieres
I'm never on display
You seem to forget that I'm a writer
Who cares what you wear when you're a writer?

NORMA
I care, Joe, and please don't be so mean to me.

JOE
O.K., all right.

NORMA
You can't come to my New Year's Eve party in that filling-station shirt.

JOE
I've been invited somewhere else on New Year's Eve.

NORMA
Where?

JOE
Artie Green. He's an old friend of mine.

NORMA
I can't do without you, Joe, I need you.
I've sent out every single invitation

JOE
All right, Norma, I give in

NORMA
Of course you do
And when they've dressed you
You'll cause a sensation

SALESMEN
We equip the chosen few of Movieland

MANFRED
(The latest cut)

SALESMEN
We dress every movie star and crooner
From their shiny toecaps to their hatband

MANFRED
(Conceal your gut)
You won't regret selecting the vicuna

SALESMEN
If you need a hand to shake
If there's a girl you want to make
If there's a soul you're out to capture
Or a heart you want to break
If you want the world to love you