November 17, 1939 - Nine
Czechstudents were executed as a
response to anti-Nazidemonstrations prompted by the
death of Jan
Opletal.
In addition, all Czech universities were shut down and over 1200 Czech students
sent to
concentration camps.
Since this event,
International Students' Day
is celebrated in many countries, especially in the Czech Republic.

November 17, 1941 - Joseph C. Grew, U.S. ambassador to Japan, cabled the
U.S. State Department that he had heard that Japan had prepared a plan to
attempt a surprise attack at Pearl Harbor. The attack was "planned, in the event
of trouble with the United States."

Lately, I've gotten so many anguished questions from people who
are being criticized and rejected by family for making relationship
choices the families don't like, usually for cultural or religious
reasons.

If your choice of a partner, lifestyle, religion or place to live has
received a lot of criticism and threats of rejection from your family,
you are probably experiencing pain and confusion. Families do this
because they don't accept that you're an adult, free to make your own
choices, good or bad, and they assume your choices will either be bad
for you or a negative reflection on them. Otherwise loving and caring
parents can become surprisingly cruel and heartless in these situations,
because they are afraid--and they turn that fear into anger. It may not
be possible to get them to approve of your decision, but if you get them
to think of you as an independent adult, they may be able to accept it
with a little more grace.

Moving On

If you're an adult, it's time to grow up and move on from your family
and your childhood. While it's lovely to be close to your family if you
have a good relationship with them, it is also time to build a life of
your own. It's a big change when you first leave home to think of
yourself as being in charge of your life. "I'm 31 years old," said a
client, "and I still feel as if someone else is running my life." That
is not a good place to be.

The key is to decide that you and only you are in charge of what you do
from this day on. You can discuss your life issues with your parents,
siblings, spouse and friends, and make use of their experience and
differing viewpoints, but in the end, you are the one who must make the
decisions about what to do. Even if you manage to allow someone else to
make the decisions for you, you will have to live with the consequences
of those decisions.

To change your relationship with your family from that of a dependent
child to a fully respected adult, you must first change the way you
think of yourself in relationship to your family. In other words, to
stop being treated as you were when you were a child, you must stop
behaving the way you did as a child. If you treat the others in your
family as "fellow adults", you're more likely to get treated like one
yourself. The ways your family interacts are just habits, and they can
change.

Guidelines for Growing Up within Your Family

1. Call your parents "Mother and Father" or "Mom and Dad", instead of
childlike names such as Mommy, Daddy, Poppy, etc. It will make you think
differently about your interaction.
2. Change your conversation to be more like the conversations you have
with friends. Don't limit it strictly to family memories or gossip about
family members or questions about your personal life. Before you speak
with family members, take a minute to think of what "adult" topics you'd
like to talk about. Current events, sports, work issues (just facts and
events--avoid complaining) political or local neighborhood issues are
all adult topics.
3. If you have children of your own, share with your parents on a
parent-to parent basis.
4. Don't react if your parent does or says something annoying. Just
ignore it, and change the subject.
5. Don't ask your parents for advice--try offering your own expertise
instead--but offer it as you would to a friend. Don't push.
6. Pay attention to the balance of your interaction. Don't let your role
slide into all giving or all receiving, try to keep the score even, as
you probably do with your friends.
7. In general, treat your parents and siblings as if they were the
family of someone you care about, and not your own. After all, if you
were with a friend's family, and someone did something odd, you'd just
ignore it, and you wouldn't let yourself be drawn into family squabbles.
You'd just be polite and pleasant, for your friend's sake.
After following these guidelines for a few months, you'll find that
families are more fun after you leave your old childhood behavior
patterns and emotional leftovers behind.

Problems with a family members may not emerge until you do something
independent, and may catch you by surprise, but if you can learn to
respond thoughtfully, rather than react emotionally, you'll handle the
issue better, and gain respect from the other person.

Many valuable gifts come through overcoming negative reactions and
learning to view others as reflections of ourselves--useful mirrors. The
following exercise will help you step back and look at others as a
source of information about yourself, view people from a different angle
and use the very people who upset you as a reflection of the internal
dynamics behind your struggles.

Exercise: Mirrors and Teachers

1. List problem people:
Make a list of people with whom you are having problems.
2. Choose a mirror:
Select one of the most difficult people on the list, and think about
your interaction with that person. What do you want from him or her? Do
you want to be understood? To be respected? To be left alone? To be
appreciated? To be cared about?
3. Relate it to yourself:
Now consider how to give to yourself what you want from the other
person. If you want to be left alone, do you leave yourself alone? If
you want to be trusted, do you trust yourself? If you want to be heard,
do you listen to your own self? If you want to be important, are you
important to you?
4. Change your self-treatment:
Practice treating yourself the way you would want to be treated by the
person in question. For example, if you are angry because this person
doesn't treat you with respect, consider what it would mean to treat
yourself with respect, and change your behavior toward yourself
accordingly. If you're upset because the person doesn't listen to you,
spend some time every day listening to yourself.
5. Learn new skills:
Think about the dynamics between the difficult person and yourself, and
what you need to learn that would improve the relationship. Perhaps you
need to learn not to take what is said too seriously. Perhaps you need
to learn to set boundaries, or to handle other peoples' anger more
effectively. Make a list of new skills you could learn that would
improve your ability to deal better with this type of individual. On
your list, note where you think you could learn the skills you need.
From a friend? With a therapist? From books?
6. Do your part:
Take responsibility for your part of the relationship. Keeping in mind
that no one can struggle with you if you don't struggle back, consider
what you need to do to remove yourself from the relationship problem.
Remember, no matter what's going on, you have control over your own
actions -- you can choose not to participate in any situation that is
destructive or counter-productive.
Family relationships can be difficult, but I hope this advice shed some
light on how to how to better handle them.

About the Author:

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., "Dr. Romance," is a licensed psychotherapist in
private practice in Long Beach, Calif. since 1978 and author of 13 books
in 17 languages, including The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again and
Lovestyles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She publishes the
Happiness Tips from Tina email newsletter, and the Dr. Romance Blog. She
has written for and been interviewed in many national publications, and
she has appeared on Oprah, Larry King Live and many other TV and radio
shows.

A man was driving
along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the
road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the
rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a
sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the
road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his
dismay, the rabbit was dead.

The driver felt so awful, he began to cry. A woman driving down the
highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She
stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feel
terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to
her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp,
dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can on to the rabbit.

Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved it's paw at the
two humans and hopped down the road. 50 meters away the rabbit stopped,
turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50
meters, turned, waved and hopped another 50 meters.

The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be
in the woman's spray can!! He ran over to the woman and demanded, "What
was in your spray can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.

It said:

"'Hair spray restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."

DATES TO REMEMBER:

1. Thursday, December 6, 2012 - The NNHS Class of 1955 holds Lunch Bunch
gatherings on the first Thursday of every month at Steve & John's Steak House on
Jefferson Avenue just above Denbigh Boulevard in Newport News at 11:00 AM. The
luncheon is not limited to just the Class of '55; if you have friends in that
year, go visit with them.

3. Wednesday, December 12, 2012 - The NNHS Class of June 1942 meets at noon on
the second Wednesday of every other month for a Dutch treat lunch at the James
River Country Club, 1500 Country Club Road. PLEASE JOIN THEM. Give or take a few
years makes no difference. Good conversation, food and atmosphere. For details,
call Jennings Bryan at 803-7701 for reservations.

The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you
While combing my hair now
And wondering what dress to wear now
I say a little prayer for you

Forever and ever
You'll stay in my heart
And I will love you
Forever and ever
We never will part
Oh how I'll love you
Together, forever
That's how it will be
To live without youWould only mean heartbreak for me

I run for the bus dear
While riding it I think of us dear
I say a little prayer for you
At work I just take time
And all through my coffee break time
I say a little prayer for you

Forever and ever
You'll stay in my heart
And I will love you
Forever and ever
We never will part
Oh how I'll love you
Together, forever
That's how it will be
To live without you
Would only mean heartbreak for me

My darling believe me
For me there is no one
But you
Please love me too
I'm in love with you
Answer my prayer

Forever and ever
You'll stay in my heart
And I will love you
Forever and ever
We never will part
Oh how I'll love you
Together, forever
That's how it will be
To live without you
Would only mean heartbreak for me