(WARNING. The following post contains multiple, gag-inducing pictures of a jackass)

“There’s no way I can play for the Yankees, but I know they’re going to come after me hard. It’s definitely not the most important thing to go out there for the top dollar, which the Yankees are going to offer me. It’s not what I need.” ~Johnny Rotten.

That was after winning a World Series. Remember? Oh, you know, I think he said something else after ANOTHER World Series… what was it… what was it… oh. Right.

“This is the greatest organization I’ve ever played for.” “Winning a world championship in New York is the most amazing thing I’ve experienced.” “I’ve always been a Yankee.” “No matter what happens in my career, I’ll always have this.”

See. I think that makes you a jackass, Johnny Damon. But not everyone agrees with me…

Really, Bleacher Report? Really? You are going to force me to answer that moronic excuse for a question????

Let’s take away the fact that he’s old and gets taken down by fake grass. Let’s take away the fact that he’s been passed around to more teams than… than… well…

Oh, and the fact that he’s a complete, egocentric jackass (can we take that away? Can we fit that through the door, guys?) who writes his own praises on, perhaps, the LAMEST personal website in an ever…

He is the biggest whiner in baseball!!!!! WHY DO YOU PEOPLE NOT SEE THAT???

Seriously. I think I do a gooooood job of documenting every time he whines. Do an archive search on my site. Go ahead. And I don’t get all of them. EVERY TIME he is in Boston, he says something snarky. EVERY TIME he plays Boston- he says something snarky. EVERY TIME he’s given an opportunity, he says something snarky. He is a bigger media whore than Curt Schilling. And he’s supposed to be busy. You know. PLAYING BASEBALL. And when he’s not being snarky, he’s acting all whimpery and hurt. Puh-leeze. Go blow your nose on your money, JD and leave the media out of it.

So, let’s take a September Soxsplosion team that’s disheartened and, let’s face it, whiny (how else would you describe the “unnamed sources'” state of mind?). And let’s add a whiner so weepy that he makes Andy Dick’s character on News Radio look attractive.

This is EXACTLY like that scene in West Side Story where Chino tells Maria Tony killed her brother. EXACTLY like that.

Okay. So maybe it’s not like THIS version. But imagine this as a GOOD version.

Tek isn’t about the numbers. He’s about the heart. And about stability. And every other thing that’s been fizzling since Soxsplosion. I just want some fricking stability. Is that so much to ask for? Is that so wrong? It’s always the children that suffer, Benny C. You people NEVER think of the children.

As for you, Jason Varitek- it’s not over for us.

I don’t care what the Red Sox say. You’ll always be captain to me.

~L

More on this later when I can see through my tears.

Can you at least return to my have-Tek-replace-Curt-Young plan? Please?????

My feelings can best be expressed in the 90s classic, “Say it ain’t so” by Weezer.