-All light beer tastes like shit.-The sky is blue.-Carmen Electra is dying to bang us.-Two girls are better than one.-Wearing a Texas Longhorns t-shirt in to an Oklahoma bar is going to lead to possible castration.

Looks like Brian Christopher Thomas didn’t find that last one as obvious as we did.

According to police, 32-year-old Texas fan Brian Christopher Thomas walked into Henry Hudson’s Pub on June 17 wearing a Longhorns T-shirt and quickly became the focus of football “trash talk” from another regular, 53-year-old Oklahoma fan Allen Michael Beckett.

Thomas told police that when he decided to leave and went to the bar to pay his tab, Beckett grabbed him in the crotch, pulled him to the ground and wouldn’t let go, even as bar patrons tried to break it up. When the two men were separated, Thomas looked down and realized the extent of his injuries.

“He could see both of his testicles hanging on the outside of his body,” said Thomas’ attorney, Carl Hughes. “He was wearing a pair of white shorts, which made it that much worse.”

Hang on. Let us put some emphasis on that last part. “He was wearing a pair of white shorts.”Whoops. Here: “He could see both of his testicles hanging on the outside of his body.”

What. The. Fuck? There’s fucked up shit and then there’s nearly tearing off another man’s balls.

And what was this Oklahoma fan thinking grabbing his nuts? Man, smash a bottle over his head or something. Or, ya know, just tell him to fuck off.