…and the writing I should be doing

Tag Archives: stress

I tried. I really did. I got to 17,451 words. But I haven’t written in the past 7 days, and I just don’t see myself making it, even though I logically know I could just bust my ass and finish it.

There are a few reasons (excuses).

One, sitting in bed for long hours is painful. It hurts my butt, my hip (the bad one), my back, etc. And sitting in the living room means that the TV or loud Xbox is usually on. So I just don’t have a great space to sit for the hours and hours it takes for me to quiet monkey brain and start writing. I’m going to work on that. I’m spending today cleaning my office, and making the desk a workable space again. For the last 2 years or so, it’s just been the place where I put shit that I don’t have any other good place for (TM). Here are some before pics. I’ll post after pics, you know, AFTER.

Nasty messy office

You can see my attempts at TRYING to organize

Let’s make this more peaceful and useful, shall we?

Two, stress is bad for fibro. I’m definitely a type A personality when it comes to reaching goals and accomplishing things, and I’ve been driving myself to write around my work schedule, write when I hurt, write, write WRITE! I’ve been causing myself so much stress, that I started having a major fibro flare. My life is stressful enough without adding my own obsessiveness to the mix, and I needed a break. Another thing that’s bad for fibro is not getting enough sleep, and NaNo is the great sleep-killer.

NaNo was productive, however. I did get those 17,451 words, and I’m very proud of them, as I don’t think they’re all that bad. I also hit on the idea of writing ritual, and I realized that I need to dedicate a quiet space to writing (hence the great office overhaul of 2013). I also discovered some fabulous writing YouTubers, and I’ll be following them for a long time to come. I’m also going to keep a date book where I write down a word count for the day, as I think that making less of a word GOAL, and more of a writing RECORD (to look back on and be proud of) will help my mindset immensely. I also learned a lot about making really good coffee. 🙂

I’m certainly not beating myself up over this. My life has taken a lot of turns over the past few years, and I can honestly say that I gave it a good shot. I just have a lot of other shit that needs to be addressed as well. So I’ll definitely continue writing, (I like this book SO much more than the first one), but I’m going to continue plodding away at it slowly and steadily. And I’ll be plodding away in a new space, with candles and stones, and the right music, and etc. Lots of etc. I particularly enjoy the etc.

Lately I’ve been feeling some pain. I’m not sure exactly what it is, and I don’t have insurance so finding out will be tough. I need to get to one of the community clinics here near home, but there are so many hoops to jump through, that the idea just stresses me out.

And I know that stress is part of my problem. The more stressed I am, the more I hurt. So for now, I’m trying to come up with ways to do some self-healing, keeping in mind that I WILL actually get to a doctor at some point.

It’s affecting my life more and more, and it needs to go away.

I did a week-long smoothie fast the week before Ostara as a general cleansing/life reset. It was lovely, and it actually DID help me feel better. I had some energy problems (I was trying to wean myself off of Coke Zero too, and the headaches were HORRIBLE), and I got pretty sick of smoothies. But I actually felt lighter, healthier, and just better. I want more of that.

During that time, we went to a friend’s house, and she’s on a mostly raw food diet right now. We sampled some of her snacks and WOW. I could do that. Not all the time, but now and again. I was shocked and pleasantly surprised.

I’ve also been reconnecting with my spirituality, getting interested in crystal grids, and talking to other pagans. It’s been lovely.

Seven Chakras (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Here’s my partial list of ways to be nicer to myself.

Meditate more.

Leave Fetlife, and spend that time/energy on writing, spirituality, my family, something that feeds me rather than drains me.

I also have a new Pinterest that I’m playing on. You can find it at http://pinterest.com/amieravenson/. It’s really just a way for me to gather some thoughts, and there may be some character sketches there. There’s definitely a lot of lovely Pagan imagery. 🙂