The Neediest Cases

For Both Health and Family, a Mother Taps Into Her Survival Skills

By ARTHUR BOVINO

Published: January 10, 2003

In 1981, when Georgina Forlano discovered that her boyfriend was using heroin, they split up. She did not want him in her house or around her three children.

It wasn't the first time she found herself alone at the end of a long-term relationship gone astray. She had last heard from her husband, the father of her two oldest children, Jay, now 27, and Jolene, now 22, in 1980 after he was deported to Peru.

After she left her boyfriend, she got a job as a custodian at a school in Islip, N.Y. She tried to focus on her children, and to get on with her life, as she always did.

But if Ms. Forlano was no stranger to heartache, she still wasn't prepared for the one that was yet to come, the one that would put her survival skills to the test.

In 1987 her former boyfriend's father told Ms. Forlano that her former boyfriend, the father of her son, John, now 16, was dying in the hospital.

"I found out through his family that he had AIDS and I went and was tested," Ms. Forlano said.

After 30 days, her doctor summoned her to his office. "All this time I was thinking, `Negative.' I was thinking, `No, not me, can't be, I'm sure everything will be O.K.' And once I got there she says to me: `Georgina, I need you to sit down. We need to speak.' "

Positive. She had tested positive for H.I.V. In those first moments, it seemed like a death sentence.

"It was the last thing in my life I ever wanted to hear because the first thing that comes to your mind is death," she said. "And you know, I still had a little baby.

"I never used drugs, I never drank. I never did anything but be a mother."

As a consequence of her illness, Ms. Forlano was also found to be suffering from depression. In May 2001, there was a diagnosis of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. She must use an oxygen tube at night. But as dire as her health problems seemed, there was more. In addition to her H.I.V. infection, Ms. Forlano learned last July that she had diabetes.

"I'm supposed to be on 24-hour oxygen but I only really use it when I need it," Ms. Forlano said.

Mostly, she uses the oxygen machine when she goes to bed. "I use it every single night without fail because I stop breathing in my sleep," she said.

Coming to terms with her array of illnesses is a long-term process. But there were also immediate implications. As a result of her treatment needs, for example, her electric bills have soared. Ms. Forlano is also unable to work because she is weak and often has to go to the hospital.

She has enough to worry about with her own health problems. But she has also been looking after her elderly parents, with whom she was living in Centereach on Long Island. Ms. Forlano receives $982 a month in Social Security disability but her portion of the rent was $500 a month. After the bills for her telephone service and other utilities, she said, "It leaves me with nothing."

Though Jay and Jolene no longer live with her, Ms. Forlano is still trying to provide for John, her youngest child. She receives food stamps but John needs clothing. Often, she feels inadequate because it is so hard for her to pay for things like school supplies or school trips. In addition, Ms. Forlano looked after her two grandchildren almost every day for the past year, as her daughter continued to look for work.

In January 2001, Ms. Forlano's problems had completely overwhelmed her.

"A lot of people are afraid to touch you," she said about telling people she is H.I.V. positive. "People aren't educated. Instead of a regular plate I'll get a paper one and a plastic fork. Things like that hurt."

Depressed, she even stopped taking the medication that keeps her T-cell count up and AIDS at bay, though her family was able to persuade her to start taking them again.

Ms. Forlano has spent much of her life taking care of others. But now, she needed some help, from experts capable of helping her sort through the complex conditions and emotions that had overrun her life.

Last June Ms. Forlano's doctor referred her for counseling to FEGS, a social service agency that was formerly called the Federation Employment and Guidance Services. It is a beneficiary agency of UJA-Federation of New York, one of the seven local charities supported by The New York Times Neediest Cases Fund. Ms. Forlano met Stephen Sebor, an H.I.V. counselor at the Honorable Caroline K. Simon Counseling Centers in Central Moriches, with whom she meets weekly.

Mr. Sebor was able to provide $800, $500 of Neediest money to pay for Ms. Forlano's electricity bills.

But new bills will come. They always do.

So Ms. Forlano tries to ease her worries in counseling. Once a week, she also meets for therapy with a group of other women at the center with H.I.V.

And she is trying to take charge of her own situation, to tap into those survival skills. In November she found a house in Ronkonkoma, which also gives her some room to breathe. She is now applying for a housing subsidy to help reduce her rent.

Ms. Forlano does not know how much time she has left to live. But she has reasons to live, more so now than she had a few years ago. Two of the best ones, she says, are her grandchildren, Antonio, 5, and Janelle, 3.

"I want to see them grow up," she said. "I have a 16-year-old son, I want to see him graduate from high school."