Monday, September 17, 2012

Mullets should be voted off the island

Why would you do that to yourself/child/family?

I had a mullet, once. So did my sister. My brother had one of those
rat tails that are really gross and long and need to be combed on a
daily basis. My parents didn't want us sporting the "rats nest" hair
styles that belonged to my cousins so they decided to butcher our heads
with haircuts that would make us cringe when we showed them to
significant others and friends in the future.

It looked something like this:

Disclaimer: this is not me and/or my actual family.

One day,
my parents decided that the mullet wasn't enough. They wanted to scar me
further with haircuts gone wrong, enter: the bowl cut. I'm
talking put-a-bowl-on-my-head-and-cut-around-it type haircut that made a boy in my karate class question my gender. To top it all off, they bought me thick, bright read coke bottle glasses. Looking back, I was pretty cute and my diva attitude made it all the more so, but still.

Going through old pictures made me wonder why parents do these sorts of things to their children. Are you trying to scar them for life?

Do you think your child is going to look back on this memory fondly?

Is it even legal to eat your baby? I want to know who came up with this photographic concept.

I wonder if that father knows one of his children is Satan. I feel for that baby when it grows up and that little girl runs it over with her tricycle.

All of these parents have done something to their children that they cannot take back, whether it be an awkward haircut or a family photo that makes you question the intelligence of humanity. Why can't we all be like this squirrel family?

Now THEY look normal

And finally, every time a child with a weird haircut looks in the mirror, this is their face: