Easter Basket 2012: How do you eat your Cadbury Creme Eggs?

For some of us, spring isn't spring and Easter isn't Easter until we've had that first bite of a Cadbury Creme Egg. We've already talked about how you can enjoy your eggs deviled or in salad form, but what if you just want to eat one straight up and factory fresh?

It turns out there's more than one way to eat a Cadbury Creme Egg. After some careful analysis at Serious Eats HQ, I've identified what I believe are the three major styles of creme egg consumption. I've included the procedures below. You may want to take notes—this isn't easy stuff, and it will be on your Easter final.

The Lateral-Diagonal

This method maximizes isolated chocolate enjoyment while keeping the yolk and white largely intact. It's best performed by those with great incisor control—too much pressure will crush the shell before the filling is fully extracted. The steps:

Make a lateral incision across the top of the egg with your teeth, just enough to expose the white.

Take a diagonal bite from the top of the shell outward toward its equator, thus exposing the greatest amount of white while keeping the shell intact.

Lick out filling in one to two swipes.

Crush empty shell in mouth.

The Longitudinal

Unlike the above method, which separates the chocolate and filling into separate bites, this maneuver severs the egg hemispherically, with a slightly higher ratio of filling to shell. It's best performed by wide-mouthed individuals who can wrap their teeth around the whole egg. Aligning with the natural fault line in the egg is critical to your success; failure to do so will likely result in structural collapse (more on that below). The steps:

Align whole egg pole to pole against your top and bottom teeth, making sure that the egg's natural fault line matches your dental axis.

Hold egg in place with two fingers while biting down cleanly.

Chew and swallow half of egg, lick filling out of remaining half, then eat empty shell.

The Cobra

Rare, exceptionally talented individuals can eat their eggs whole, much like a snake devouring an egg several times larger than the natural dimensions of its mouth. This move is best performed by experienced egg eaters only. Reckless whole-egg eating has already claimed too many lives.

Structural Failures to Avoid

Amateur egg eaters may be tempted to bite the egg in half along its equator. Let it be known that this technique almost certainly invites disaster. The egg will split along its longitudinal axis, getting filling all over the user's hands. And let's be honest: the filling, while delicious, is also a little gross.

Room for Future Research

This is what I'd consider a reasonably authoritative field guide to the different procedures for eating Cadbury Creme Eggs, but there's always room for future growth in the literature. How about you, Serious Eaters—how do you eat your eggs?