Hire Me Jon Stewart

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

First it was that pesky zealot, Moses, with his killing of the cattle, skin boils, and Willy Wonka-like rivers of blood. Next came that Roman inbred, Octavian, and his usurping of Egyptian rule from legendary opiumheads Mark Antony and Cleopatra. Now, the Egyptian people have become historical step-children once more...or have they?

In an inspiring change of pace, the good people of Egypt have said "enough" to modern-day Stalin (and all around bad guy) Hosni Mubarak. What could have motivated this nation of snake charmers and rug weavers (note: my entire knowledge base of Egyptian culture comes from Disney movies) to put aside their flutes and rug-making-tools and take to the streets? It could have been Mubarak's 30 year, uncontested, corrupt run as president; or the over 70 billion dollars worth of foreign aid currently sitting in his personal bank account.

As we enter the second fortnight of these protests, the catalyst has become more and more clear...Twitter! With the latest reports indicating that the newly established social network has led to a more organized effort to uproot current leadership, we can only credit Twitter with aiding in the efforts of Egyptian protesters. When asked to comment on this phenomenon, Mubarak said, "F***ing Twitter! Are you kidding me?? Is that the one they made the movie about? Great acting." He then promptly went back to playing his flute. Hey, those snakes aren't going to charm themselves.

If Moses were alive today, he probably would have had this to say about the protests:

mosesheartsgod Way to go @egyptsucksprotestors! Let me know if you guys could use any locusts or anything.