Public torn about who in San Francisco dreadlocks smackdown video most idiotic

A viral video that shows a social justice warrior berating a hippie for wearing dreadlocks while an effete hipster impassively looks on has divided the public about which person featured in the video is the most idiotic.

Dandy Goat writer Richard Omega, 37, says that the hippie is clearly the most dimwitted of the trio, as he should have obtained written permission from culture and diversity overlords at San Francisco State University, where the video was shot, before appropriating others’ customs.

“San Francisco is the most tolerant place in the world as long as you make sure to strictly follow social rules,” he said. “Even if this young man was ironically wearing dreadlocks to make an important case for banning white people from wearing them because they look foolish, he should have known that he’d run the risk of getting chewed out by a harpy-like social justice warrior.”

Los Angeles traffic cop Brianna Brickley, 27, says that the woman is clearly the most idiotic of the group, particularly for risking her safety by touching the hippie, as many such men intentionally grow colonies of lice and fleas on their bodies.

Brickley explained: “I once slept with a free-spirited traveller named Stork Moon, and in the morning he lovingly said, ‘Shall I cook you breakfast?’ When I said yes, he just laughed and said that the was talking to his ‘little friends.’ The tiny bite marks on my skin lasted for years.”

Franklin J. Dubbles, 37, a publisher who lived in San Francisco for six months while attending art school, say that the effete hipster is, without a doubt, the most imbecilic of the three.

“He’s clearly in need of a decent meal, as you can see by his vacant eyes and weak movements, and he’s probably suffering from anemia, which can have long-term consequences,” he said. “And no matter how cool the 80s might seem to kids who weren’t even born until the mid 90s, the fellow’s Eraserhead-like hairstyle sported by rap duo Kid ‘n Play should never, ever be resurrected.”

So far, the only thing the public does seem to agree on is that the student wearing headphones who darts around the circle of babbling idiots and throws them a look of total decision is a genius and has a bright future ahead of himself.

TRIGGER WARNING: this video might be disturbing to anyone who has suffered from having to listen to moronic college freshmen fall into fits of righteous indignation.