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Okay, so a couple of months ago, I got the urge to re-write My Immortal by Tara Gilebse in the Pokemon world with Cyrus instead of Enoby. I got about halfway through the fic before it turned into something completely different and I had to separate that out as a new fic.

I thought my re-write turned out pretty funny, and I wanted to share it with somebody, though it's not exactly an original work since it's basically My Immortal with all the words replaced and the plot changed a bit, so I can't post it formally.

So, I thought if anybody would get a chuckle out of it, it would be you guys. I'll make each chapter a post, and there are... twenty chapters, I believe? It goes about halfway into My Immortal.

First, a warning: Tis story iz exromely baldy writtin (evan tho I didnt' do tihs teh wohle tiem), so be pripard for intenshinal terrble. (If you're having trouble reading that shit, I'll write it properly: "This story is extremely badly written (even though I didn't write with everything misspelled), so be prepared for intentional terrible.")

If you haven't read My Immortal, this probably isn't as funny. Also, nobody has sex in this version, but instead they battle Pokemon.

Without further ado:

Chapter 1

Hello my name is Cyrus Akagi and I have spiky blue hair that sticks out and icy blue eyes that are always judging you and a lot of people tell me I look like Rick Sanchez, but that is wrong cuz I'm waaaaay hotter.

I'm not related to Miley Cyrus and I'm glad I'm not but ppl ask me anyway. I look like a zombie but I'm actually not rly undead and I don't eat living flesh. I have pale white skin.

I'm also the boss of a giant energy company called Team Galactic that I created myself (I'm twenty-seven). I've given up having emotions (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly grey and black. I appreciate retro space themes and I get most of my clothing ideas form there.

For example, today I was wearing a gray and black shirt and striped black pants, a grey and black coat, and grey shoes. I wasn't wearing eye makeup but it looked like I was with the dark circles around my eyes.

I was walking around Veilstone. It was snowing and raining so there wasn't any sun, which I was fine with, because I am the only sun that Team Galactic needs.

A lot of Veilstone citizens stared at me. I ignored them.

"Hey, Cyrus!" I heard a voice call. It was... my enemy, Cynthia!

"what do you want, Cynthia?" I asked.

"I want to fight you, Cyrus," Cynthia answered. But then I got a call from HQ and I walked away.

--------------------

"I will have my way. This incomplete world will be destroyed, and a new, perfect one will replace it. My world."

Just so this doesn't end up being 1 chapter long if I forget to post more, here's the second chapter:

Chapter 2

The next day I woke up at my desk. I had fallen asleep working on my plans for a new world. I sat up and drank some of my patented Team Galactic energy drink from a glass bottle. My desk was black plastic and there were green parts on it that glowed in the dark. I stood up and took off my grey coat, which wasn’t formal enough for today. I put on a fancy light blue shirt, a red tie, and black leather shoes. I put gel on my hair, then slicked it back a bit.

My commander, Saturn, came into my office and smiled at me. His blue hair was kind of in the shape of the bowl cuts I have my grunts wear, except part of it was sticking up and looked like cat ears. He was wearing the commander outfit that he had helped design, with the Galactic G logo emblazoned on the front and back.

“Master Cyrus, sir. I saw Cynthia challenging you to a pokemon battle yesterday.”

“Your point being?” I answered, indifferent.

“Are you going to fight her?” Saturn asked as the two of us left my office and headed downstairs.

That night, I had to give one of my speeches. I showered in my private quarters.Then I put on an even fancier suit with a grey shirt underneath. I gelled my hair again so that it was all slicked back. Once that was done, I carefully spiked it up again. I was starting to feel an emotion coming on, so I repressed it. I read a book on astrophysics while I waited for the emotion to disappear entirely. I looked in the mirror and saw that the dark circles under my eyes had gotten darker. The rest of my face was really pale. I drank a bottle of my Team Galactic energy drink and I was ready to make my speech.

I went into the speech room to address my team. However, before I could say a word, Cynthia crashed through the wall with her flying landshark pokemon. She had a determined glare on her face.

“What is it now, Cynthia? I was about to give a speech when you interrupted,” I stated with no inflection in my voice.

“Cyrus!” Cynthia said back. Her Garchomp flew up to the platform where I was standing and picked my up by hooking its claw into the back of my suit. With that, Cynthia (who was still standing on Garchomp’s back), flew me out of my Veilstone headquarters and to front of the audience of a stadium where two trainers were having a Pokemon battle. She bought two ice cream cones, one for each of us. I initially refused the offer, but she shoved it into my hand anyway.

“Hippowdon, use earthquake!”

“Tough it out, Snorlax, then use body slam!”

“This ice cream is melting onto my suit.” I remarked to Cynthia.

“Then just eat it, Cyrus.” Cynthia replied, shaking her head and smiling.

The night progressed, and I watched trainer after trainer battle their pokemon with each other. Cynthia seemed to be having fun, but I just watched indifferently. Once the battles were finished, Cynthia handed me some soda. It wasn’t the same as my own energy drinks, but I drank it because I was thirsty. After that, Cynthia’s Garchomp grabbed me and we flew away, but Cynthia didn’t go back to my headquarters, instead she flew us to…………………….. Spear Pillar!

I ignored Cynthia’s taunting. This whole thing was her fool plan, not mine.

Arceus cried out, and Dialga and Palkia were teleported in front of us as well.

“They were battling on Spear Pillar! While I was trying to sleep!” Arceus shouted furiously.

“Why would you do that? It’s something I’d expect from a mediocre dunce like Cyrus, but Cynthia? I’m disappointed.” Dialga questioned.

“You interrupted my sleep too! You two better have a good reason for this?” Palkia inquired angrily.

And then Cynthia finally called out. “BECAUSE THIS FOOL MAN NEEDS TO BE TAUGHT A LESSON HE WON’T FORGET!”

The gods went silent. Arceus and Dialga still glared at us menacingly, but Palkia sighed and stated. “Okay. Fine. I’ll forgive you this time, Cynthia, but don’t let it happen again.”

With that, Palkia teleported us back to Veilstone, and I went back into the HQ.

“Cyrus! Are you okay? What happened?” Saturn called once I had made my way upstairs.

“Nothing.” I lied. By this time, I just wanted to be alone. I made my way to my personal quarters, and changed out of my suit and took a shower. Then I changed into some plain-looking gray PJs and brushed my teeth. Once I was ready for my two-hour night’s sleep, I opened the door and walked out…..

Cynthia was standing directly in front of me, holding a pokeball. I would have been surprised, but I don’t have emotions, so I just walked around Cynthia and went to bed.

Two hours later, I woke up and got out of bed. I showered and put on my usual attire, which was the grey and black shirt and black pants. I gelled my hair and brushed my teeth.

In the Team Galactic break room, I took a pre-made sandwich out of the fridge (making my own would just be a waste of my time) and drank more of my Team Galactic energy drink. Suddenly somebody bumped into me. I dropped what was left of the sandwich and the energy drink spilled onto my coat.

“Stupid grunt.” I declared, repressing the anger that I would have otherwise felt. I realized that I wasn’t actually talking to one of my grunts as I looked down at the person who had run into me. I was looking down at a young boy in a red hat. He couldn’t have been much older than ten or eleven. He looked up at me sheepishly, as if he hadn’t expected to find me there.

“I’m very sorry,” he apologized, slowly trying to edge out of the room.

“What is your name, child?” I inquired.

“I’m Lucas. Barry and I once walked into you talking to yourself at Lake Verity. Then I saw you muttering to yourself in Mount Coronet. We battled once, at Celestic Town. Still don’t remember me?”

“Why are you revealing all of this?” I questioned suspiciously.

“Well, you never do anything to hurt me even though I’m meddling with your plan. I figured you wouldn’t care if I wandered around your base for a while.”

“Well, I am the leader of Team Galactic.” I stated.

“Obviously.” He replied.

“Fine. Go ahead and wander around the base. Just don’t break anything, particularly the warp panels.”

The kid walked back out of the room. I was still hungry, so I took a protein bar from one of the cabinets and started eating that in solitude. Then Cynthia broke in the wall and had her Garchomp pick me up again.

Chapter 7

Cynthia took me to her area of the pokemon league and demanded I battle her. My coat was now ripped in several places thanks to the Garchomp, and my hair had gotten messy. Cynthia’s eyes once again shone with fierce determination. She sent out her Lucario, and waited for my next move. Then………….

I tossed out Houndoom’s Pokeball. “Flamethrower!” I called out.

But Lucario was too fast, having already charged forward with an extremespeed. Houndoom was punched directly in the face before it could even use flamethrower. With Houndoom’s weak defense, the dog flew backwards and fell to the ground, defeated. I stared incredulously.

“How did you possibly-?” I demanded, almost at a loss for words.

“Lucas trained with me. We had a great battle, and Lucario learned that move.” Cynthia smiled proudly, as if defeating a kid was something impressive.

I felt anger.

“No. I refuse to accept this.” I stated, swallowing the anger before it could affect my actions.

“You can’t just ragequit in the middle of a battle!” Cynthia yelled.

“No, I will not battle you. You probably rigged the field, anyway. And it’s not ragequitting. I am not feeling anger.” I returned the fallen Houndoom and sent out Gyarados. Gyarados used hyper beam to make a hole in the league room wall. I would see how she liked it.

I had Gyarados fly me all the way back to base. Cynthia followed close behind, riding on her Garchomp. Once I had made it back, I headed to my office, and asked for my commanders, but they all seemed to be in a meeting. Cynthia was right behind me, glaring. I headed down to the meeting room they were in, and shoved open the door. For some reason, Lucas was in the room, too.

Everyone in the meeting stared at me and then Cynthia slammed the door open, furious.

“You can’t just run away from a battle!” Cynthia screamed at me.

My Commander Mars looked at me inquisitively. She looked at me with her blood red eyes that were naturally that color, which was the same color as her bright red hair. She also had rather pale skin, but it wasn’t quite as pale as mine. Mars was rescued by me a few years ago when I hired her. Her parents were demons, but her mother was killed by Giratina and her father went back to Alumind and left Mars alone to fend for herself. She still has nightmares about the whole affair and is too emotional about it for my tastes.

“Cyrus? Where were you? The meeting started 30 minutes ago.” Charon chucked at this, as if Cyrus being late to an important meeting was funny.

“Lucas, I’ll have you know that the champion cheats in battle!”

The commanders started muttering amongst each other.

I don’t know why Cyrus was so angry about this. I had defeated him fair and square. I had even lost in the battle I had fought with Lucas. Then he ran off to battle Barry, and I had wished him good luck. Sure, we know Cyrus represses the fuck out of his emotions, but he doesn’t usually lose it this bad. (It was actually kind of hilarious to watch)

“But I beat Cynthia in the battle! It was for fun, and not an official league battle, but Cynthia does not cheat in battle!” Lucas retorted.

“No. I refuse to accept this as reality. Cynthia did not win fairly.” I ran out of the office and drove to Mount Coronet, then climbed all the way to Spear Pillar where I had almost fought Cynthia (and would have won), fuming about it. My eyes even started leaking blood, but it was because that happens sometimes and has nothing to do with feeling emotion.

I was so close to feeling emotion. I couldn’t believe Cynthia could beat my Houndoom so easily. I leaned against one of the pointed pillars, trying to wipe the blood from my eyes.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible shadowy creature with no concrete form (basically Giratina when it appears on Spera pillar in Platinum) materialized from a portal and flew towards me. It was dripping black cosmic-looking antimatter, but it was obvious it wasn’t simply appreciating Galactic’s space theme. It was…… Giratina!

“No!” I shouted at the thing in a firm voice. Giratina’s shadow closed around me and I couldn’t escape.

“Weavile!” I shouted, while quickly sending out the dark-and-ice type pokemon. Weavile landed on Giratina’s shadowy face and started night slashing the hell out of it. Giratina started to scream horribly, in pain from the type disadvantage. I felt no pity for the creature, but I’m not a sadist so I returned Weavile once the shadow thing had retreated.

“Cyrus.” It called out. “Thou must kill the protagonist! It is the only way thou can succeed.”I thought about Lucas and how he had meddled in my plans. But still, he was just a child. I remember that he had beaten Cynthia in a pokemon battle, so maybe Cynthia hadn’t cheated and I was just weak. I hated the thought.

“No, Giratina! I will not slay a child!” I asserted back.

Giratina lifted a shadowy wing, and a gun fell out of it and into my hand. “Thou must! If thou does not, I shall stop your whole plan in its tracks!”

“How do you know what I’m planning to do?” I asked, a bit surprised.

Giratina rolled its glowing red eyes around on its void of a face, like I was somehow stupid. “I hath spied on thou from the other side” it replied coldly. “And it thou doth not kill Lucas, thou knoweth what will happen to thy life’s ambition!” Then, the shadow creature crawled back into the portal it had come from, splattering me with drops of void.

This was a dilemma, and I wasn’t sure how to solve it. Suddenly Cynthia came out of the sky on her Garchomp.

“Cynthia!” I said. “What now?”

“Cyrus.” She replied, probably noticing the smudges of blood on my face.

“Why are you following me, champion?” I demanded

“Because you ran out of a battle,” Cynthia declared.

“Fine, I concede. You won fairly.”

“Yes, I did.” Cynthia replied, hopping back on her Garchomp, which picked me up and flew me back to my HQ.

Chapter 10

I was very conflicted about what Giratina had said. I was even deep in thought when I went to give a speech to my team. All the commanders were at the speech. Mars, Saturn, Jupiter, and Charon. Thankfully, the champion didn’t take out more of the wall (which I had just gotten repaired), and Lucas was elsewhere, so I could give the speech properly this time. I could bet that the champion was scheming another way to bother me and Lucas was off battling other trainers to level up. I put on my black and grey shirt and grey coat as well as my usual black pants.The coat is just long enough to cover my backside, which is apparently where all the fat that I eat goes. You may suspect that I’m embarrassed about it, but the only reason I cover it up is so my subordinates won’t be distracted.

I was rallying the team by explaining how terrible the world is and that only I can provide salvation. After the speech, I went straight for my office, but Mars intercepted me.

“Cyrus! What happened last night? Are you okay?” Mars asked concernedly.

“I am perfectly fine, Mars,” I lied, then headed back to my office. I didn’t tell her that Giratina came and wanted me to kill Lucas. I don‘t want to shoot a child, even if he has been a thorn in my side. But if I don’t kill Lucas, Giratina will ruin my life’s ambitions.

Before I could ponder the situation more, Cynthia once again broke in through the wall.

“Cyrus, I heard what Giratina said to you. How could you even consider murdering a child? You horrible monster!”

I didn’t answer. We stood there in silence until Cynthia realized I wasn’t going to talk, so she went back on her Garchomp and left.

I sat in my office for another hour, trying to forget about Giratina’s threat and working on my plan to make a new world. Then the phone rang. I picked it up, and could hardly believe who was on the other line. It was Arceus!

“What have you done, Cyrus?” A thunderclap sounded outside through the hole in my office, probably for dramatic effect. “Cynthia has disappeared from the Pokemon league. Nobody can find her, not even me, and I really like watching her battle.”

“So? I questioned over the line. Who cared what Cynthia was up to? She was probably talking to Lucas about what Giratina had said or something. Arceus kept shouting at me through the phone line, but I hung it up and Arceus didn’t call back.

Anyway, I headed back to my quarters and suppressed the feelings trying to rise. Then I took off my clothes and took a shower. Those pesky emotions churned inside of me, ever threatening to come out. I felt sick. I got out of the shower and put a towel over my waist. This was unbelievable! Was I losing it? Then I made to close the shower door, but something caught my eye. It appeared to be a tiny camera, recording me in the shower! Somewhere else in the base, a grun was probably watching it and… eating popcorn, I don’t know.

I put my face directly in front of the camera, and gave the idiot on the other side a piece of my mind.

“You disgust me. Whoever you are, you’re fired. And I will find out.” Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. I opened it to find Mars.

“Mars? What reason do you have of coming in here?” I questioned my commander.

“It… it’s an emergency, Master Cyrus! I overheard some grunts saying that they put a video camera in your shower! You need to punish them immediately!”

By the look on her face, it seemed Mars had realized that I had already taken my shower.

I followed her downstairs, still holding the towel around my waist. Finally, we arrived in the room where the grunts were, holding what seemed to be the tape from my shower.

“I’ll kill you little shits!” Mars shrieked at the two offenders. I considered holding Giratina’s gun at their heads, but instead I grabbed the tape out of the grunt’s hand and threw it on the floor, where it shattered into pieces.

Suddenly, Mars’s cellphone started to ring. She picked it up, and handed the phone to me. it was Arceus on the line!

“It turns out that Cynthia is-” click. I hung up on Arceus, and handed the phone back to Mars. Then, the door started to open again!

“Master Cyrus, we need to talk!”

“Can it wait, Saturn? I am preoccupied at the moment.”

“Yes but-- oh. Looks like everything has already happened. I guess word reached me too late. Well, looks like those two are in some big trouble.”

“No! It- we’re-” one of the grunts stammered as blood dripped from her nose where Mars had just punched her.

“We were framed!”

“Well, the tape is broken, and you two can consider yourselves fired.” I declared coldly.

However, the other grunt stood up and beamed. “You destroyed that copy of the tape, but I have already uploaded the video on the internet! You can’t take it back now!”

I gripped the towel around my waist even harder, holding back the urge to vomit.

“Why did you rat us out, Mars?” The second grunt demanded angrily.And then Mars said an expression I had heard before, but never from her. I wasn’t sure if I should be relieved that she was loyal enough to run to me and not watch the video with the grunts or fire her on the spot.

I ended up not replying at all, as I was still trying my best not to throw up.

“Because…. I…” Mars blushed, and backed a few steps away from Cyrus.

“Because you’re his perfect little pet, who would defend him to the death?” The first grunt asked, then looked horrified, as if she had just realized that she was talking to Commander Mars, who she probably figured would wring her neck.

“Giratina texts? Well, Arceus uses the phone, so it’s not all that unbelievable.”

“I guess so. Weird, huh?” Saturn replied. “At any rate, Giratina texted me this picture of Giratina and Cynthia in the Distortion World. It’s terrible! Then the text told me that Giratina wants to take you there too……. And put you in bondage!”

Soon enough, I found myself lying in a hospital bed on the other side of town. Apparently I had fainted in front of Saturn and had to be taken away in an ambulance. Saturn was in the room there, too. I tried telling him to go back to headquarters and get work done, but it seemed that the fool was too concerned about my health to do good work.

Mars told me that the grunts were there, too, recovering from the beating she had given them. She had tried her best to get the video of me naked off of the internet, but it was already out in cyberspace. I hoped that Mars had given them something permanent.

Anway, Mars soon walked into the room with a bouquet of red cosmos.

“Cyrus, I have something to confess,” Mars stated in a p. solemn tone, putting the cosmos on my bedstand.

“Get out.” I snapped. “You know what the rules are about displaying emotions, and you’ve broken several today. And don’t bring me flowers.” Mars had come close to showing emotions before, but this was the last straw.

“No, Cyrus.” Mars replied. Those aren’t flowers.”

“What, are they some sort of cosmic artifact?” I asked sarcastically.

“I saved your hide!” Mars responded indignantly. “Not so. I replied” “The grunts put the video on the internet. You were too late.” I turned in the offenders she rebutted.

“That matters little now,” I retorted.

She pointed her finger at the red cosmos. “Those aren’t flowers.” She began to stare at them with a sinister look to her eyes and remarked This world is infected by the vague and incomplete thing wE CALL SPIRIT!.

“Yes, that is what I believe.” I replied wisely.

“Yes, I was just repeating your values so that I keep them ingrained.” Then she called out. “Emotions are for the weak-minded and I feel nothing!”

As soon as she made this remark, the bouquet of flowers started dematerializing. They were then replaced by a master ball, the most powerful pokeball in existence. And there was a note attached, with the Galactic G on one side, and “This was in your office. You’re going to need it, sir.” scrawled on the back. Now I finally believed that Mars wasn’t just messing around with me.

“Fine, now that we’re talking like mature adults, I would like to know what Cynthia is at.”

“No offense, but why do you care?” Mars asked curiously. I looked at her expression, though I couldn’t quite determine her motive for asking this question.

“Finally u listen to me Cyrus,” Arceus said, who had apparently been in the room the entire time, disguised as a nurse. “2 b truly in control of your emotions, u hav to come to terms with them.”

“I AM in control of my emotions, you stupid old llama!” Mars shrieked at the god, before stomping out of the room. aRCEues shook his head. He must have been in a better mood that the night when he got mad at Cynthia and me.

Then Saturn, who had also been there the whole time, looked from me to Arceus and blinked.

At any rate, when they finally released me from the hospital, I went back to base and put on my usual Galactic attire, the black and grey long sleeved top, black pants, and my grey coat vest. Then I put on my grey shoes. I gelled my hair and spiked it so it looked like it does typically. The dark circles around my eyes looked darker than ever, and I looked like a zombie from Dawn of the Dead. Inspecting my hair, I was sure it looked greyer than it had a week ago, and I wondered if my hairline had receded in that time, too.

“Looking great, boss!” Mars chirped in what sounded like the most cheerful voice she could muster. “ I should hope so,” I replied, still annoyed by what had happened earlier. An emotion started to rise in my chest, so I walked away while repressing it. I used the bathroom, but this time checking for any hidden cameras.

I went to a few meetings. Then I ran into Lucas, who had just defeated some of my grunts in battle.

“Oh, hey there Cyrus!” he said cheerfully. “You again?” I replied, my tone as flat as his was happy.

Our eyes met. I knew what this usually meant for trainers, so I figured that I would appease him with a pokemon battle. I sent out my Honchkrow, while he called out his Empoleon.

“Battling in the halls, sir?” a voice questioned from the end of the hall. It was Jupiter, who was watching the battle along with a good few grunts, most of them likely eager to see me defeat the child who had defeated them.

“No, Lucas.” I replied, returning my Honchkrow. “Now isn’t the time to battle. I have work to do.”

At that moment, Saturn came running into the hall, holding up his phone. “I got a text from Giratina, sir, it’s terrible!”

“Giratina texts? Well, Arceus uses the phone, so it’s not all that unbelievable.” I replied unenthusiastically, sensing a creeping feeling of deja vu, but I repressed that too since it was close enough to an emotion.

“I guess so. Weird, huh?” Saturn replied. “At any rate, I got this text of Giratina and Cynthia in the distortion world. It says that Giratina wants to drag you there too……….. and imprison you in bondage there!”

Saturn, Lucas, and I ran back to my office to phone Arceus. That creature wouldn’t kidnap me if I could help it.“Say, “ Saturn asked, “do we even have Arceus’s number? I mean, he probably used some supernatural way of phoning us.”

I hit redial, and sure enough, it was Arceus that answered.

“All right, you delusional zombie, why have you called me?” he demanded, sounding rather irritated this time.

“Giratina took Cynthia to the Distortion World!” Lucas and Saturn yelled at the phone.

“It wants me to,” I added. “I’ll bet the two of them are going to imprison me there forever.”

Arceus laughed in a cruel tone.

“I’m serious, you miserable excuse for a god,” I replied, running out of patience.

“Nope.” Arceus stated. “I give zero shits if Giratina imprisons you in the distortion world. I’m sure it will let out Cynthia eventually, but YOU, you deserve to be kept there for eternity. It’s what you get for plotting to overthrow me.” Arceus told me disapprovingly. “Besides, it wasn’t like you would have succeeded in creating a new world anyway.” then Arceus hung up on me for once. “Cynthia...” Lucas commented sadly, not wanting the region to be without its champion.

“I’ll go get her.” I stated reluctantly, but Lucas was not moved. He moped around about the missing champion for a few minutes. Then he had an idea. “I’ve got it!” the child called out.

“What now?” I asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

“I’ll show you.” said the young boy. He reached into his backpack, and pulled out a sharp yellow rock. It was…….. the Griseous orb! Then the air started to distort around the two of us, taking us to the distortion world and leaving Saturn behind.

We charged forward, pokeballs in hand, ready to take on the awful ghost dragon. As we sent out our fighters, a horrible, piercing shriek called out, and a large centipede dragon came towards us. It was……………………… Giratina!

Chapter 14 WARNING: THIS CHAPTER IS SPOOKY AND HORRIFYING. PLEASE USE THE BATHROOM BEFORE READING IT.

We charged forward to face the creature. However, Giratina had already disappeared. In its place was a rather plump green-and-white hedgehog. It was sitting in Cynthia’s arms, looking content.“You can try forgiveness, Cyrus,” Cynthia suggested, trying to hand the Shaymin to me.

“I don’t need forgiveness. My actions and plans are completely justified.” I retorted as Lucas returned his Luxray and joined Cynthia’s side.

“So be it, then. You will answer for your crimes, Cyrus. Shaymin, teach this monster a lesson!” Cynthia called out, placing a red flower on the Shaymin’s head. Suddenly, the hedgehog floated upwards and transformed into what looked like a flying dog.

“Weavile, ice beam it.” The dark-and-ice type started charging up an icy blast, which would hit for double weakness.

Before the weasel could hit, however, Shaymin started to glow, and unleashed a green blast, which rammed into Weavile and knocked my pokemon flying. I had to return the pokemon before it could fall into the depths of the distortion world.

The flying dog smirked at me, but enough was enough. I reached into my coat and pulled out the gun that Giratina had given me. I aimed the pistol at the gratitude pokemon’s face and fired.

The shot rang out in the near-empty void of the distortion world. I nearly tripped back from the recoil, having used guns very little in the past. When the smoke cleared, it seemed that somehow, I had hit the small pokemon. It was only in the ear, though, so the thing was still very much alive.

“Nowhydidyoushootmethisisapokemonbattlestupid” Shaymin said to me, talking so fast I couldn’t understand it.

“What was that, you little pest?” I questioned.

“This is a pokemon battle, not a gunfight!” Shaymin declared, flying closer. I smiled meanly. “Really? You help Giratina and Cynthia lure me into the distortion world and then expect me to fight fairly? You are so naive.” Then I sent out Weavile (not trusting my aim again), who ice beamed that conceited flying puppy in the face. The grass-and-flying type froze solid and fell back in front of Cynthia with a loud thud.

Shaymin then sat on the ground in that chunk of ice, eyes frozen in a horrified stare. I sneered, knowing that my work here was done.

“Shaymin, what’s going on? I heard gunshots!” Lucas, Cynthia and I could hear the very air shaking as the abomination known as Giratina drew near. I didn’t want to deal with the thing now, so I jumped back into the portal that Lucas had made before in order to escape. Cynthia and Lucas jumped in after, pursuing me.

Then I was back in my office, landing in front of Saturn. I crossed my arms and sighed, trying once again to suppress my emotions.

“What’s the matter, Cyrus?” Cynthia taunted, standing directly behind me. She had her Garchomp’s pokeball in her hand, and was tossing it up and down.

“It just isn’t fair!” I exclaimed, unable to hold in my frustration any longer. “I just want to be alone in my office and get some work done.

“Why would we want to let you get work done?” Cynthia questioned. “We know you’re planning on destroying our world, and we can’t let that happen.”

“Yes, but why is it always pokemon battles? First you keep butting into my life with battle challenges, then Lucas challenges me, and now Giratina and Shaymin want to battle! My plans for fixing the world are flawless, but nobody ever agrees with me! Why can’t people be smart and see my side of things? I’m too intelligent for the rest of the world! Why did I have to be the only reasonable person on the whole planet? WHY CAN’T EVERYBODY JUST LET ME RESTART THE WORLD IN PEACE? IT’S ALMOST LIKE MY INTELLECT IS A CURSE!” I yelled at Cynthia and Lucas, then ran out of my office before Cynthia could make a smart remark.

“Cyrus, hey! You can’t run away before I make my snarky comment!” Cynthia shouted after me.

I was one-hundred percent done.

“Fine, make your stupid little comment, then go and battle Lucas again! See if I care!” With that said, I speed-walked to my personal quarters and this time remembered to lock the door properly so that my commanders couldn’t get in. I thought of how Saturn would try to reason with me, and how Mars would compliment me and tell me that I’m better than Lucas and Cynthia, as well as how Jupiter would tell me to take deep breaths. I was almost hyperventilating, trying not to scream. I lay down on my bed, trying to force myself to calm down. When I my breathing had more or less evened out, I checked my golden galactic G insignia- shaped cell phone, which informed me that I had gotten a text from Charon to meet him down in the laboratory.

I went into the bathroom and took a quick shower, then put on a set of my usual clothes that was worse for wear, probably the one Cynthia’s Garchomp had ripped. That way I wouldn’t get chemical stains on my nicer outfits. I took out a new can of gel and spiked my hair up, and headed to the laboratory. I wasn’t quite myself for once, tuning out as Charon explained what was inside the latest stasis tube. As I started into the large tube, I saw an analogous shape floating around. Then, the blob turned into Cynthia’s face!

“Cyrus, fight me!” Cynthia’s head declared. “You are going to answer for your crimes. I won’t let you get away with the horrendous things you do. You are going nowhere but down!” Then……….. the blob turned into a Garchomp and me, the first of which was ripping me in half with its claws! I continued to stare at the blob as it took other forms, from Giratina to that child, Lucas.

“Hey Cyrus, are you feeling okay?” Charon’s voice called out from behind me. “You look a little green.”

“I am finished here.” I declared, walking off without acknowledging Charon’s question. As I walked away, I could still hear voices, all shouting in my head. I shook my head to try to get rid of them, but that only made my head hurt more. Then, I glanced at some papers that were lying around, hoping they would distract me from the hallucinations. What I saw written on the paper surprised me. It seemed that the lake guardian capture project was well on its way! It was about time to launch the plan, I thought.

The plan went forward, and the lake guardians were captured. The crystals needed for the red chain were then extracted from the captured pokemon. Things were actually going well for once! The red chain was made from the crystals, and I was ready to enact my plan to create a new universe. Soon enough, I was standing on Spear Pillar, summoning Dialga and Palkia in order to create my New World. Cynthia, Lucas, and Barry all watched from behind me as I called forth the pokemon of space and time. Then, Palkia and Dialga flickered and disappeared, revealing something terrible standing in front of me. Everybody at the pillar gasped, including me. It was…………….. Giratina and its shadowy presence!

“No, I will not proceed with the plan until we have two red chains.” I firmly told Charon. “I will not have a repeat of the last time. Even if it will take another month.”

“Because you’re afraid of a teeny little shadow centipede? I never would have guessed.” Charon replied, snickering.

“Because that THING is capable of stopping my plans!” I remarked impatiently.

“Fine, I’ll have the team make another chain. Your plan won’t fail again.” Charon responded with a hint of sarcasm.

“I am your superior. I expect you to show some respect.” I warned Charon.

“Oh, have a sense of humor. Oh, wait, you’re Cyrus, that’s not possible.” Charon muttered smartly.“That is enough of your attitude. Do you want me to fire you?” I shot back

“Fine, just get that second chain made,” I sighed. Charon had a point. I needed him for the red chain project. Then I left the laboratory just to run into Mars in the next hall.

“Pikachu pi!” Mars squeaked happily (she speaks pokemon and I can understand it. What she said was “how goes it, boss?” in pokemon). “Be tee double-you, Saturn says that he’s losing faith in your plan. He says that you say that you will bring us to your New World, but left him back at base while you were trying to make it. You should fire him, and make me second-in-command.”

“I see. I’ll tell him that the team is his should anything happen to me. That should motivate him properly.”

Mars looked disappointed, so I agreed to join her in watching a stupid romantic movie to keep her morale up. “Maybe you’ll get that promotion to second-in-command if something happens to Saturn?” I offered, making a mental note to promote Jupiter instead in that scenario.

“Pika!” Mars nodded enthusiastically. “Oh, and also I might have lost a bet to Jupiter, and that’s why I asked you to see this movie. I didn’t actually expect you to agree to it. Thanks, master Cyrus!”

“Pikapika.” I remarked, not too thrilled that I was wasting my time due to Mars losing a bet. Our conversation went quiet till the end of the movie.

“Oh, right,” I began saying as soon as the movie finished. “I’m making two red chains instead of one this time. I need to buy a new machine part from a specialty shop on the other side of town in order to make the process go faster.”

Mars beamed. “We’re going shopping!”

“I can take you along,” I offered.

“I would not like to go with you.” Mars replied, much to my surprise.

“Mars? You are Mars, am I correct?” Mars, not wanting to spend time with me? What kind of bizarro day was this?

“I’d LOVE to go with you, Cyrus! See what I did there?” Mars giggled.

“Yes, fine, whatever.” I stated with a sigh.

“By the way, how did you find out about this store?” I’ll bet she expected to say it was Saturn, Jupiter, Charon, or some random business partner of Galactic’s.

“Cynthia” I answered. “Let’s go outside to the car.”

“WHAAAAAT? CYNTHIA? How did that happen?” Mars questioned incredulously.

“I saw the contact on her phone when she left it on my desk once, it seems like a pretty skilled machinery dealer. Follow me.”

We drove in my car to the other side of town, where the store I had mentioned was. The store sign said “Torn World Electronics”. Hopefully that meant that they sold parts for fixing up and not that their products were from the distortion world. The salesperson was eerily familiar-looking, but I couldn’t recall who I had met before who had looked like that. He showed me a few machine parts. “These are only for the most skilled of engineers to use. Letting anybody else use them would not be safe.”

“Really now?” I asked, hoping that the salesperson wasn’t playing me for a fool. Mars seemed believing enough, but that was Mars.

“Oh yes, we’ve had some pretty bad accidents happen with people who didn’t know what they were doing. Just the other day, a girl with a broken nose and her boyfriend came in and asked if I had any tiny, remote controlled drones. Not sure what they were going to do with them, but the man mentioned something about mounting a camera on it.” He chuckled to himself. “I don’t know what they were trying to do, but it didn’t sound even a bit legal.”

“Calm down, Mars. This looks like the piece I need for my machine. How much does it cost?” I asked, continuing to inspect the device.

“I’ll give you a special deal,” the salesperson remarked, grinning.

“That looks like the right part, but you need to make a reeeeeally good deal,” Mars told the salesperson, obviously with no idea what the part actually was.

“Y’know, I think I’ll give you that for for free. I’ll bet you’re working on a preeetty important project. Just give me your name.” The salesperson commented, appearing a little too knowing for my comfort.

“Yes, it’s a project of utmost importance.” I replied warily. “And for the record, my name is Cyrus Akagi.” Somehow I expected that the salesperson already knew this.

“I think I will respectfully decline,” I replied, putting down the machine part and walking away. Mars followed wordlessly. Looking back at the shop we had just left, the sign said “closed”, and the room inside was completely empty, devoid of even the merchandise which had been there seconds ago.

“That was…. Sure something, wasn’t it?” Mars finally said with a concerned expression on her face. “Let’s get far away from that shop.”

We ended up finding the part I wanted (or at least something close to it) at another electronics specialty shop. Mars appeared to still be shaken by the incident at the first shop, and kept asking if we could head back to base. “Mars, calm down.” I told her, but to no avail. “It’s fine, there’s nothing to worry about now. No need to be emotional.” Anyhow, Mars went off by herself when we arrived back at the HQ. Then Saturn came.

“Hello boss you look ready to take on the world.” he commented.

“Yes but there was a small incident.” I admitted because I wanted Saturn to keep an eye out for Giratina now. Now that I thought about it, “Gary Teena” did have similar blood-red soulless eyes just like the creature. The design on his outfit even made him look vaguely like Giratina’s origin form. How had I not figured out the obvious any sooner?

“My part of the project is going great, master Cyrus sir. I was comparing notes with Jupiter just now. We made some good progress.” At that moment Jupiter came into the room. She was looking like she had been working hard, it was good to see. Jupiter was kidnapped at birth, and just recently found out that her real parents had died in a shipwreck several years ago. They had been visiting Hoenn when some insane people had released Kyogre and Groudon from their slumber and the storm had capsized the boat. There were no survivors. Jupiter had joined Team Galactic several years ago, and got the promotion to commander two years ago. Unlike Mars, she doesn’t angst over her family, so that is a plus. Jupiter handed me a letter. It was from Cynthia, telling me to meet her outside for a battle. I put the letter through the paper shredder. Then Saturn gave me some rare candies he had gotten from his father, Lucian, who was also an elite four member. It was supposed to be for my pokemon, but I took the candies to my room and ate them myself. Don’t tell anybody that I’m addicted to rare candy. It makes me more intelligent, that’s why I eat it.

Anyway, I was so high that I lay on my bed, hallucinating being on top of Spear Pillar again, holding the Red Chains to control Dialga and Palkia. The gods called out their epic cries, and were ready to make my New World. Suddenly Palkia and Dialga disappeared, replaced by an ugly. and all too familiar shadow creature with glaring red eyes and no solid form. In my hallucination, everybody ran away from the terrible thing but Cynthia, Lucas and me. It was………. Giratina!

“Foolish mortal!” Giratina proclaimed furiously. “Cyrus, I warned thee that smart villains kill off their enemies instead of letting them run around their headquarters. Thou is a failure. Now……. I shall crush thine hopes and dreams!”

“No! I won’t let you interferererere” I tried to tell the beast, but before I could finish speaking, the creature had lunged at me, causing spacetime to act up and turning everything to darkness. Was this the end?”

Suddenly a big llama (bigger than me but smaller than Giratina) with golden wheel-like structures around it appeared before me. It looked like the god we all know and despise, but where it was usually white, it was instead covered with a pattern that looked like the entire galaxy. The underside of it looked as if it were wearing an outfit I would put on one of my commanders. The gold structures surrounding it were now red where they were usually gold, and the red stones on them had been replaced by a gold gem that looked exactly like my team’s “G” insignia. He glowed with what appeared to be cosmic energy (atomic energy created by nuclear fusion in stars, for all of you science ppl) and the void around me disappeared, being replaced by outer space. It was……………………………………………...……..ARCEUS!

I woke up the next day the hospital. Apparently, I had leaped out of bed and landed on the dresser. I felt fine, but the doctor wanted to check for internal injuries before I left. Apparently, when I had hit the dresser I had landed on my stomach, but at least it wasn’t my head.

The hallucination from the rare candies continued in a dream I had while in the hospital. Arceus attacked Giratina, who slid back into the distortion world. Then, Cynthia and Lucas appeared. Cynthia sent out her Garchomp, who carried me back to my base where life proceeded as it usually had before I had gone to Spear Pillar (with a few irregularities, because dreams do that). All the walls in the building had been replaced by a dark sky with stars, like I have in my office, but weirdly 3D.

“What is going on?” I asked, going up to my Commanders, who were in the room with me. Mars was wearing what looked like a wedding dress with the G logo on it, but I just ignored this, not wanting to be flirted with. Saturn was wearing a bodysuit with a tail and cat claw gloves and slippers. Jupiter was wearing an actual space suit, as if she were an astronaut. Charon was wearing his usual lab coat, but today it was splotched with giant patches of blood. We started talking about what had happened on Spear Pillar, but the commanders were talking very fast in pokemon, so I could hardly understand them.

“Pika Pika!” Mars began. “Clefairy! Clefairy clef.” Jupiter added in. “Meowth! Meow Meow Meowth!” Saturn interrupted. Charon just rolled his eyes at the other three commanders. Then, an old man whose hair and beard were the stars wearing a white robe with the Galactic “G” emblazoned on the front. He was holding a staff with an orb at the top that was surrounded by some very familiar-looking gold wheel-looking things. The orb held the cosmos, and floating in the middle was the Galactic “G” logo.

“.........................ARCEUS??!?!1” I gasped, while my commanders went very quiet.

“What are you playing at, you miserable excuse for a creation deity?” I demanded. “I didn’t think you liked my organization, or its purpose!”

“Greetings, Team Galactic,” the human Arceus stated cheerfully “Did you see how I decorated your headquarters? I know you love the space theme.”

He must have expected me to compliment his fancy magical wallpaper. Well, I wasn’t going to give him my approval, that was for sure. After all of the horrible things he had done, he thought he could just walk in and join Team Galactic?

“By the way, my title is ‘Commander Arceus’ now.” With that, Arceus disappeared in a bright flash of light before I could even tell him off for just promoting himself into my team.

“Master Cyrus, are you okay?” Somebody asked. It was Jupiter’s voice. I slowly opened my eyes to find myself in the hospital bed I had fallen asleep in.

“Sir, are you having a mid-life crisis? How can I help?” It was Saturn, kneeling next to my bed on the other side of where Jupiter was standing. Mars was sobbing in the corner, obviously upset by the whole incident.

“A mid-life crisis? Saturn, master Cyrus is only 27 years old! He just looks a bit… weathered.”

I felt an emotion, was it anger? Anger at who? At any rate, I repressed it.