Review of the Tupac Movie

There is a new movie about the rapper Tupac Shakur out, and I command you to go see it. The story is about a black person who makes a bunch of music and pretends to be some kind of civil rights leader. Tupac makes a lot of money but he is always low on it because he wastes it on prostitutes, marijuana, expensive hotel room and gold jewelry. Also, he keeps getting in trouble and has to pay for lawyers to keep him out of prison for the horrible things he does on a regular basis. Tupac is a very violent and short-tempered person. I enjoyed seeing a horrible human being get his comeuppance by being shot to death. This movie is heavy on the rap music and this is the only good part really, except for when Tupac dies.

It starts out with a bunch of black people getting out of jail after they win a court case. A black lady says inspiring words to a newscaster about the Black Cougars and a revolution of black people who will turn America into Africa. That black lady is Tupac’s mom, a fiery freedom fighter. Later it’s all like, Tupac’s dad killed these police officers in a bank robbery and these white FBI guys are following her. So Tupac’s mom shits in her hand and flings it at the FBI guy and he runs away. They need to get away from that, so they move to Baltimore. Shakespeare does a Hamlet play and meets this one girl and they have sex a bunch of times, all on camera with heavy focus on Tupac’s penis. Then he has to move to California, because his mom said so.

Take that Whitey!

He goes to California and as he is moving in, this lady stabs her husband to death because he smoked all her crack. Then Tupac sees this Mexican douche named Big Se3n and does a bunch of rapping and the guy is like hell yeah you is signed. Tupac does a bunch of rapping and everyone likes him and he makes a bunch of money. He meets an obese rapper named Biggie Smalls who is even more of a faggot than Tupac. Then Tupac is in a park and gets in a fight with a guy over typical black people stuff, this one guy was calling him a punk, then the fight escalates this 6 year old kid gets shot and it’s because Tupac can’t ignore a simple insult. Tupac truly is a piece of shit.

Fecalpheliac

The Vice President is on the news then, talking about, “I can’t understand all this hippity hop rap stuff, but it’s violent and obscene, so fuck Tupac.” Then Tupac’s mom is like, “You got a target on your back sonny boy, they always go after the black revolutionaries, even the ones who are phony and don’t do anything important or real.” The mom is a real revolution lady, unlike Tupac, so Tupac listens and decides to behave and make friendly music.

Rainbow Teddy Bear was one of Tupac’s least popular songs ever.

HOWEVER, Tupac is with this one girl in a hotel room with this other guy Nigel, and she wakes him up all hysterical, acting like she was raped. The movie implies Tupac was innocent, but he raped her for 100% sure. So anyway before sentencing Tupac gets robbed by these five black guys and can’t shut the fuck up even when he has guns pointed at him, that’s how stupid and violent he is. So he gets shot five times, but unfortunately lives. Then he goes to prison, where prison guards beat him up and call him the n word, even the black ones do it too.

Tupac was forced to do gay porn in prison

Then he gets out of jail and signs with Death Row records, with Suge Knight, that fat fucking asshole. Tupac raps in a bathtub about getting laid and everyone’s like, “How is that black leadership,” and he says he was just having fun, but really he is not a leader and is just a fake phony bitch and the criticism is valid. Then later Suge Knight is driving him around and Tupac gets shot by a black person and dies.