Wednesday, April 1, 2009

This worked so well last year that I'd thought I'd make it an annual feature. Here's this year's list of suggested knee-slapping pranks and practical jokes that fun-loving NHL players and personalities could play today.

Sidney Crosby - After unsuccessfully removing visor in effort to goad Marc Savard in to a fight, announce intention to continue removing one item of clothing every shift until Savard finally drops his gloves.

Colin Campbell - For one day only, spin giant wheel to randomly determine suspensions and fines for on-ice incidents, instead of pulling numbers from a hat like you usually do.

Garth Snow - Deliver spirited pre-game speech to Islanders players, culminating in dramatic shout of "Now get out there and win!" (Immediately assure players that you were just joking, and they are to continue tanking as normal.)

Brian Burke - Jokingly threaten to sue innocent blogger over harmless prank, before allowing him to return to his volunteer work at the puppy orphanage.

Alexander Ovechkin - Pretend that hockey stick is too hot to handle when, in fact, stick is well within the range of acceptable temperatures.

Luke Schenn - At team dinner, turn water into slightly lower quality of wine than usual.

NHL Director of Officiating Stephen Walkom - Play hilarious prank on Flames fans by changing goaltender interference rules for one game without telling anybody.

Cory Clouston - Attempt to spike punch bowl at team gathering. Fail, because jerk at the liquor store insists on seeing photo ID.

Toronto Maple Leafs veterans - Play traditional joke on rookie Justin Pogge by having him lead the team onto the ice for the warmup, then waiting in the entrance way while he skates around alone. Continue joke by leaving him out there by himself for the entire game too.

Chris Drury - Tell off-color joke to Sean Avery, the kind he would find absolutely hilarious if he was still capable of human emotion after the steady stream of tranquilizers, antidepressants and beta-blockers he must ingest as per clause in his Rangers contract

Henrik and Daniel Sedin - Play prank on travel agent by mischievously swapping passport photos while booking one-way tickets for flight to Toronto on July 1.

Duncan Keith - Wear novelty tear-away wig. You know, just on the off chance that you get into a fight with a teenaged girl, a toddler, or anyone else who might try to pull your hair.

Andrei and Sergei Kostisyn - Jokingly tell Belarusian friend that you wish Guy Carbonneau would just disappear. Wait, crap, he did know we were joking, right?