Thursday, December 29, 2011

Zombie Mimes!

It's Christmas week, so instead of boring you with a blog, I'm posting one of my favorite scenes from my manuscript, Neeta Lyffe 2: I Left My Brains in San Francisco.

"Hi! Welcome to Zomblog! It's Time to Re-kill! This is Kelsey Gardenberger, and behind the camera is Ron Potter, and we are reporting to you live from Fisherman's Warf, where zombie exterminators Rii and Hi Lee of Bay Exterminations have been called in to take out a zombie."

Kelsey stepped to the side, and Ron panned the scene. Police held back spectators who had cell phones to film the event, but she noted that the actual news crews had not arrived yet. What luck that they'd been interviewing Rii and Hi when they got the call! On the ground lay a man in a black and white striped shirt and black pants with suspenders and gold make-up on his rotting skin. He pounded on the air with imaginary fists, then felt along imaginary walls with his hands. Where he should have had fingers, only mangled skin and bare bones showed. Rii and Hi, both in protective gear, watched the prone figure and spoke among themselves. The zombie continued his act unconcerned, except to pause now and again and make drinking motions, then point to the top hat waiting beside him.

Ron panned back to Kelsey.

"So as you can see, our zombie is actually quite docile. Many times, the undead come back and try to establish the routines they had when living. In this case, the undead--the 'Wasted Mime'--has been doing the same routine, literally, for twenty years in exchange for beer money. He apparently disappeared a couple of days ago, and came back to resume the routine you see now. We've been told that all morning, he's acted out his burial and clawing himself out of his coffin--and apparently making some good tips! Someone finally noticed something was amiss when he dusted off his hands and part of his palms fell off."

Ron pointed at the scene.

"Okay!" Kelsey said. "It looks like Rii Lee and Hi Lee have decided on their strategy. Despite the fact that the zombie appears so docile, it could turn violent at the slightest provocation--and if you don't believe me, check out 'Don't wave that thing at me!' on the Zomblog archives."

Rii, head to toe in a red rubber HazMat suit and motorcycle helmet with flames and their company logo, yelled for the police to push the people back further. The crowd, of course, hustled to get a better view. As the police struggled to push them away, Rii turned their back on them and took his position.

Kelsey growled in sympathy. "Hey, people watching this? When an exterminator tells you back up, for pity's sake give them room! Even if the undead don't come running at you--and anyone who watches this blog knows zombies can run!--there's always the danger of splatter. Fortunately, the Lees have a lot of experience exterminating before a crowd. Oh, and if you're wondering where we are…"

Ron angled his DoDroid so watchers could see they were perched on top of the Bay Exterminations Van.

"Ron! They're starting!"

Ron focused on the Lees.

While Rii stood by with a power blaster of anti-zombie foam, Hi ambled up to the prone zombie, sword relaxed but ready at in his left hand. He watched the undead mime struggle against the imaginary coffin, nodded appreciatively, and tossed a twenty into the hat. Immediately, the Wasted Mime started clawing with fervor, dug himself up, and brushed himself off.

Now some of the crowd in the front stepped back, but those behind them did not budge.

It picked up the hat, checked the money.

The crowd took in a breath.

It faced Hi.

Hi made a polite little bow.

The crowd gasped. Cameras flashed.

The zombie bowed back, deeply and theatrically.

Hi lashed out with his sword, its blade cutting deeply and theatrically into the zombie's neck.

The re-killed corpse folded over.

The crowd broke into wild cheers.

Kelsey smiled big for the camera. "And there you have it! Looks like a mime isn't such a terrible thing to waste after all. I'm Kelsey Gardenberger and we just had Time to Re-kill on the Zomblog."