Most Livable Cities for Teens

In the first segment of this two-part travel guide for teens we’ll look at the best cities for teens to live in, visit, or lie about either of the first two.

5) Miami, Florida

Even before LeBron James, teens loved taking their talents to South Beach. By talents I mean their general desire to “get their d’s wet” and “spit game on nines and tens”. Why wouldn’t teens want to be in a city with slamming babes wearing next to nothing on the reg? It takes about a month for the average teen to realize they’re getting “no play”, which prevents Miami from being higher on this list.

It’s a fact: teens love getting drunk. Where’s the #1 place drunk teens travel to? Taco Bell. There’s nothing better than ground beef combined with cheese on a tortilla to divide the fun times and the hangover. So why wouldn’t teens want to be in the taco capital of the world? In Mexico City the pros outweigh the cons; as long as teens stick to Gatorade instead of dabbling in the “sus Mexican water” it’s muy bueno.

Teens are at the forefront of culture. There’s nothing teens like doing more than following the latest trends. Hipsters love kicking back, “enjoying” Pabst Blue Ribbon, and blasting music that “is so bad it’s good”. For a state most famous for being a setting in the Oregon Trail game there’s absolutely nothing 1800s about Portland. Young people can thrift while talking shit on Macklemore and anything resembling popular music in this teen friendly city.

This city has one of the easiest layouts to navigate. With Belethor’s General Goods down the street it’s no hassle to sell as much loot as he can afford, wait, kill him, reload the autosave, and repeat. Whiterun is not without its “boners” though. The whole Gray-Mane v. Battle-Born beef is pretty lame, and Farengar sucks “the most dicks in all of Tamriel”.

"you play Skyrim? that’s gay”

1) Denver, Colorado

Why is Denver the #1 city for teens? The Colorado Marijuana Legalization Initiative, Amendment 64. In Denver it’s literally 4/20 every day.