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January 17, 2011

Seth

Seth, age 10

Fredericksburg, Virginia (1985)

I remember that this was a weekend game night at my Mom's house. I was always trying to entertain my family. This was my best supermodel pose, way before the age of Supermodels. The terry cloth hot pants still kill me! Those were my everyday shorts, and all the other clothing was my mom's.

I also remember this was the first time my older brother, who I idolized, called me a fag.

The hardest part of being called a fag by anyone, was that I knew they were right. And I couldn't prove them wrong. And it really created a sense of doom for me.

That feeling lasted until I finally got the hell out of Virginia at age 18, and began to live MY LIFE!

I remember my first "erotic" gay dream when I was about age 7.I dreamed that I'd won a radio station contest and Duran Duran came to my elementary school in a huge stretch limo to pick me up.

I remember that Simon LeBon was wearing shiny black leather pants, and I spent the entire limo ride rubbing his ass, almost like I was polishing it. I had no idea where we were heading, but I was heading for Simon's shiny ass!

I wanted to add a little to my story. It's important to note that part of my "doom" was self-inflicted. I kept myself down for years because I couldn't see beyond the horrors of teenage life/ high school. Ultimately, high school is the most insignificant part of my life. Something to endure like a root canal. Life for me, began at 18 and it has been beautiful! Also, my brother and I are extremely close and always have been. My partner of 10 years and I are superb uncles:) The point is that once I started to fully accept that I am just as I should be my life was transformed and those around me could feel my happiness. Thanks Paul V for this blog. If I had seen it in high school I would have spent much less time listening to The Cure's Disintegration and crying in the dark.

Seth, you are gorgeous! My Duran of choice was Nick, probably because he looked so much like a woman! I'm convinced that I always liked boys in makeup (like Nick and Robert Smith from the Cure) because I liked girls, and they looked a bit girly, so I loved them! :)

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