One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks him to choose one.

The man asks, “How much is the yellow one?”

The assistant replies that it costs $2,000. The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it’s so expensive. “This parrot is a very special one. He can type really fast.”“What about the green one?” the man asks. “He costs $5,000 because he can type, answer incoming phone calls and takes notes.”

A big steel company was feeling it was time for a shakeup so they hired a new head of human resources. Well, the new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, this HR supremo noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business; so he asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?”

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make $500 a week. Why?”

The Human Resources boss said, “Wait right here.” He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $2,000 in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”

Feeling pretty good about himself, the new boss looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?”

From across the room a voice said, “Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”