Saturday, September 3, 2011

The Nondual Diary: “How come I can’t stay THERE?” (Part I of II)

WORDS ARE GOING TO FAIL US time and again today. I’ll be moving back and forth from the relative to the Absolute views without warning, so just follow the best you can. I don’t see any way around it. To fill the language with constant references, explanations, and wordy, cover-my-spiritual-ass-in-public Nondual Correctness will absolutely kill any spontaneity between writer and reader. So, other than this little prep talk, we’re just plowing ahead. Damn the torpedoes and naysayers.

There is a phenomenon that arises in post-realization which I will call Second Movement. That’s my label for the rubber band of ego snapping itself back into place after that True Seeing, whether it was a glimpse or a more sustained experience. Having witnessed the causeless, spontaneous, present-only nature of the universe; after clearly seeing that nothing is random and that everything is already done; after knowing that everything is already fine; ego nonetheless set me up once again as the conductor.

I say “once again” because I had been the make-believe conductor for all of my life. All of us have. Each of usis the apparent conductor of our own make-it-up-as-we-go-and-then-call-it-objective world. Every relative object—call them nouns—is an unwitting member of my grand pretend orchestra. This has nothing to do with Reality, but everything to do with the dream. In fact, it could be said that the conductor is the dream. Neither conductor nor orchestra actually exists, but that doesn’t stop this movement from happening, whether in me, or in just about everyone else who has a spiritual breakthrough. My pretend world, when it exists, needs a conductor to first imagine problems and then fix them. Such is the dream.

Since you’re reading this essay, the odds are pretty wonderful that you either know what I’m talking about already, or that someday you will. I strongly recommend that you make mental note of the material here. While I’m at it, let me also recommend you read Adyashanti’s book, The End of Your World. It didn’t pull me out of Second Movement all on its own, but it certainly started the ball rolling. If you don’t do either of these things, that’s fine, too. And don’t worry, if you don't, then you’ll get plenty of suffering, just like you want. Which is also just fine. At least until it isn't.

When I had my first glimpse of reality, back in the early 1990’s, ego almost immediately incorporated that event into the production of a (pseudo) Newer, Better, and Wiser ME. It literally took only minutes for it to do so. The seeing was barely over before the personal-I who had just been seen through was patting itself on the back and now calling itself a particularly special personal-I. True Seeing had been co-opted and used to aggrandize ego. It’s what happens. There’s nothing wrong with it, nothing unnatural. It’s part of the process for most of us. I’m not saying it’s a problem, but I am saying that Second Movement carries some stiff penalties. The first penalty is that for most of us, that’s where the process stops.

We never move beyond it. Most seekers spend years and years on devoted and serious practices before they ever have a breakthrough, if they have one at all. They have some moving spiritual experiences, but little in the way of authentic realization. Certainly there are exceptions, but that’s just what they are: exceptions. So, the rule, which does now seem be changing somewhat (but less than you think), has been long years of work with spotty, iffy payoff. You had damn well better enjoy the path, because the path might well be all you get. Most people were perfectly happy with that, though they said otherwise.

The primary change I see is that now initial breakthrough is far more common. I've seen it happen several times, and I've seen it appear to go away just as many times. Few are willing or able to continue to honestly monitor and painfully clean the ever-cluttering windshield that is the body-mind's viewpoint, and so True Seeing quickly becomes spotty, iffy seeing, or no seeing at all. If people want enlightenment at all—and few really do, trust me on this—then they want lazy enlightenment. I did, it’s not a crime. But neither is it available, at least not to so-called normal folks like us, or not so far as I can tell.

When we finally have something we were beginning to doubt actually happen—not to someone we heard about or read about, but to us, for God’s sake—we don’t want to let go of what we see. We want to claim it. We want to sit in it. We want to take it with us. We want the light show and the bliss-candy to last forever. It’s understandable, I'm guilty as charged, but if that attempt to hold and own is continued it’s fatal to the deeper seeing that comes out of the light-and-candy show. We confuse the by-product with the product, if you will. We are back to being in love with the path.

In 2006, when I had a much deeper opening, it took a while longer, probably a few days, perhaps as little as a few hours, it’s hard to say, before Second Movement moved in with real force. My memory of that apparent event is hazy. There was a hell of a lot going on in the dream about then, and damn near all of it was painful, so it’s understandable—even commendable, in a bizarre way—that ego would use whatever tool it had at hand to prop itself and its carrier host back up. After all, had that organism committed suicide early that autumn--and that possibility had reached not just pondering, but opendiscussion stage--there certainly would have been no further openings through this body-mind, and there would not be an Awakening Clarity, or at least not one authored by our so-called Mr. Fred Davis.

By the way, I don't see any of this personally, because there's nothing personal about it. I am seeing this body-mind as a vehicle for Clarity, which wanted things to play out in a certain way for "it's own" reasons. I use quotes there, because I don't mean to project human logic or desires onto divine spontaneity. I told you words would fail us.

At any rate, once Second Movement has taken hold, present-moment-enlightenment ceases. The memory of that divine realization stubbornly remains to both confuse us and haunt us, but the actual seeing and being are over. Now we have a new burning desire, which burns in our stomachs every day and every night even hotter than the seeking virus burned. That desire is: How do I get back THERE?

"FRED, I STARTED READING THE BOOK OF UNDOING this morning and had an awakening to reality, my true nature/space, hard to describe, feels phony to put into words. I have never had this intense of a breakthrough and I have done just about every thing under the sun for years and years. man this is awesome!*~Pete Castellano, Tucson, AZ[*See Pete's full letter on The Book of Undoing page.]

"WHILE READING THIS BOOK I had my first glimpse of "It"! I finally have experienced it for myself. That experience has given me a new level of peace and gratitude."

~Mary Leary

"IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A CLEARand concise book on radical nonduality, this is on "my" must-read list."~Yaakov Litman

"THIS BOOK UNDID ME! I don't expect the world will ever look quite the same again. Don't think about it...don't let yourself be distracted from this opportunity, just read this book now!"~Laurk

"SO MANY BOOKS leave the reader lost in the words, but this one actually takes you beyond the words and shows you how to "find it", what the experience of "it" is, and what happens to "it" when imagination starts to dance again. One cannot help but discover the real nature of what we are. These are the same goals of many similar books, but this one actually succeeds in taking the reader there."~K. A. Popko, Wisconsin"FIRST OF ALL, WONDERFUL POINTING in The Book of Undoing!!! Love it; going through it again. Less is more and I feel you've hit the mark in this definitive book. Bravo!" ~Anthony Wedge, Mt. Pleasant MI"FOR THE EXHAUSTED spiritual seeker this book is dynamite. It literally blows your mind."~William C. Wright, North Pomfret, VT"FINISHED BEYOND RECOVERY and immediately dove into this one. I can't say enough about the energy and vividness that Mr. Davis brings to Inquiry. I would read anything he wrote." ~Wallace Chapman, Portland, Oregon

"STEP BY STEP, Fred takes apart delusion,and confusion, leaving behind clear knowing. In this moment, anyway. No guarantees for tomorrow - present understanding is all that counts."~Tom Barron, East Tennessee

"I DEVOURED THE BOOK OF UNDOING and it has provided an abiding dissolution of ego since I read it. Great work. Highly recommended. READ THIS BOOK."~Jess C,Atlanta, GA

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BEYOND RECOVERY

"THIS IS A WONDERFUL BOOK. Fred Davis is steeped in the knowledge of nonduality, and this text is marvelously written for those in or out of Twelve Step programs. Clear, intelligent, well written and lots of fun to read!"

"BRAVO TO FRED FOR WRITING WITH SUCH CLARITY. I hope 12 steppers reading this review really get the delicious paradox of that and find themselves picking up this book. Addiction tends to keep us seeking, even if we are seeking recovery. Fred's book has the ability to really bring the timeless wisdom that freedom is in the here and now into the 12 step movement. Great book. I loved it."~SCOTT KILOBY,author, Natural Rest for Addiction: A Revolutionary Way to Recover through Presence."IF THE TRUE MEASURE OF A BOOK is to be found in the perfume that remains behind when all the words have been forgotten then, for Beyond Recovery, it is this quality of honesty, openness and surrender which communicates itself in the words and between them, administering not just to the mind but to the background of Awareness."~RUPERT SPIRAauthor, Presence: The Art of Peace and Happiness"THIS BOOK BY FRED DAVIS extends the culture of [Twelve Step Recovery] and contributes to the current shift in Western civilization, which is one from attending to religion, philosophy, art, history, music, and science as pointers to our true nature, to true nature itself. In other words, it is a shift toward attending to attention, or to the one attending, rather than to the creative outcomes of that kind of attention."~JERRY KATZ, editor, One: Essential Writings on Nonduality

"I SEE THAT THERE IS A CERTAIN MAGICto your word-smithing - it comes directly from reality and points powerfully to reality... it seems to move like a flood tide that raises a heavy form off the rocks and gently settles it in a peaceful ebb-tide of being..."~James Waite,Creator and Editor, Nonduality Living"AGAIN, I WANT TO SAY your writing is amazing. It's very engaging, personable, and smooth. When a book on non-duality feels like a page-turner, that's quite an accomplishment!"~Shanti Einolander, Creator and Editor, ONE: The Magazine

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