Believing When It's Beyond Reason to Believe

And on the Third Day, She Walked (Part 1 of 2)

I wrote my last post, “The Final Stretch,” three days before the first day of school, making clear that I was still believing for Sophia to walk into school despite the ridiculousness of the notion. The day before I gave in to writing the post, I could feel the all-too-familiar nudging of the Holy Spirit to write. Procrastination pushed the task further and further into the day, eventually leaving me up late with the to-do of writing. I further stalled by watching Hollywood Medium. Judge if you’d like but there’s no shame in my game. I don’t think Tyler Henry is anti-Christian by any means and, in fact, only see him bring peace and hope to those dealing with loss. Sooooo, anyways… my eyelids continued to close with each nodding of my head as I fought to finish watching the episode. Tyler was reading Lil’ Kim and I REALLY wanted to see who killed Biggie! I know, I know. I was totally being disobedient. After a few attempts to rewind, and stay awake (failed attempts), I decided I’d better get in bed. Of course now, I was just too tired to write.

The next morning, I woke up, earlier than usual, from a dream of someone calling my name. Instantly I knew why I was up. I looked over to see if Sophia was by chance already awake, hoping to find the perfect excuse. Nope. So I rolled out of bed, made my way to our desk, and sat down in front of the computer. Honestly, I didn’t want to write. I didn’t want to have to be vulnerable, again. Reluctantly, I said my prayer, asking God for me to serve as His vessel of hope and healing, and began typing away. After I finished, I published it on WordPress but didn’t post it on Facebook. It was my way of halfway being obedient. I sat at the computer, trying to convince myself that just WordPress posting it was good enough. Before I could come to a final decision, I heard the glorious sound of Sophia yawning out a bear growl. “Well, sorry God! Got to go take care of my child. You tell us to love our children so I better go tend to her!”

After Sophia was changed and fed, I could feel my disobedience looming over my head. I don’t even think it was about where I posted necessarily. I think it really came down to why I was not posting it. I felt stupid for believing and I guess I was trying to somewhat keep my public display of stupidity to a minimum. My ego needed some downsizing.

After some back-and-forth in my spirit, I Facebook posted it as well. By that point, I had a “whatever, it is what it is” attitude. After so much of the, do I dare say, annoying tapping of the Holy Spirit to move, it doesn’t matter how much I may not have wanted to do something. I just get relief from the absence of the nagging feeling in my spirit. As the day came to a close, I grew more satisfied that I had, indeed, posted. I started to understand the urgency of me posting that morning instead of waiting another day.

You see, that night I received a text from Sophia’s physical therapist, Dr.Bellah. She excitedly shared with me that one of her former patients’ mom reached out to her. Dr.Bellah, as a last attempt, had asked on Facebook if anyone had a loaner gait-trainer. Now this is not like asking for a loaner drill. Gait trainers are several thousands of dollars and aren’t so easy to get insurance to cover. Dr.Bellah shared with me that she had felt discouraged because she has posted the inquiry midweek and here it was Friday and no responses. I had also felt discouraged when 5pm rolled around that day, knowing that she was closing for the week and yet I had not heard anything.

So the next day, a very pregnant Dr.Bellah spent her Saturday morning AND early afternoon driving to her former patient’s home and then to ours, delivering a highly anticipated gait trainer. I was only able to get Sophia in it a few times before Monday morning, not even figuring out how to adjust it to fit her properly until Sunday afternoon. This particular type of gait trainer did not provide any support for Sophia to push through her arms but we weren’t complaining. We tried to work with it as much as we could. Sophia was not too happy in it most times but her bouts of frustration actually helped her push some through her legs. Sunday night came too soon but I kept reminding myself that God is the God of miracles.

My stomach was in knots Monday morning for several reasons. It was my first day of classes too at the college and I’m always a little anxious on the first day. Plus, I had one class that was a different model than I’m used to teaching so I really did not know what to expect. And of course, it was Sophia’s first day of her second year of school. That was more excitement than nerves, but still some extra emotions. The topper? I had a gait trainer in the back of my car and I would be strapping Sophia in it in the front of the school, here pretty soon, expecting her to do something that she hadn’t even come close to doing before.

I loaded us up in the car, feeling proud of my morning time management, and went to start the car. “Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick…” Hmmm, that’s not the usual sound the car made. I tried again. And again.

Brian was planning on meeting us at the school, so I called to update him on the current status of our morning. He told me that although he didn’t take the car to the gym that morning, as usual, he did take it the evening before, with no issues whatsoever. Coincidence? I doubt it.

As I waited for him to finish up his morning errand, I helplessly looked down the street for help. I saw a gentleman on a side street, but he was too far to hear me clearly or for me to walk over to with Sophia in the car. Then my neighbor across the street drove up into her driveway. I scurried across the street to meet her as she was exiting her car. She responded to my request for a battery jump so graciously.

A bundle of nerves, I was not much help in figuring out where to even hook the cables to (Dodge just had to take a nontraditional route in the placement of their battery and signed knobs, at least in my car). Our neighbor, quickly adapting to the faced unknowns, flipped through my Owner’s manual. Calm and collected, she hooked up the cables and even started up the car, as I stood by holding Sophia. Um, yeah… She was the bomb-diggity saving grace in that moment.

Brian showed up just in time to shake hands with her before she left back across the street to continue her morning. I wonder if she knew how impactful her kindness was that day. It’s sometimes those somewhat simple, kind gestures of generosity that make the most impact, that change someone’s day.

With Sophia buckled back into her carseat and the engine now running, I took a deep breath, and told Sophia, “Oh, girlfriend. You ARE walking today.” With Brian following close behind, I headed towards Sophia’s school.