Tuesday, April 12, 2011

how was I to know

"What?" Logan choked, hoping he didn't seem obviously hurt. He should have seen it coming, like a comet aiming right for his chest. "You wanna ask her out?" He was having a small heart failure which possibly wasn't noticeable to Alex.

So, they'd had Chinese. And it had been fun. Lots of laughs. Even Fortune cookies that ended up with lines like "In bed with the cookie monster..."

Logan cleared his throat as he watched Alex's face change with happiness when he spoke of Sammi.

"Well, I-I'd like to. Just even once." He shrugged. They were walking across campus together.

"Sure." Logan was afraid, it wouldn't be once, though. It was the beginning of something. He could only hope she'd screw it up, royally. If only. "Yeah, she's, you know, Sammi."

"I want to call her Samantha, you know." Alex seemed to be already in another world. "She feels like a Samantha, to me. She ever tell you, why they call her Sammi?"

Logan shook his head, no. He'd never asked. He felt bad that he hadn't. God, why did Alex have to know everything about her?

"I'm sure she'll tell you." Logan barely croaked.

"I dunno. She'll think I'm weird." Alex looked away.

"No, she won't." Logan watched him walk away. He felt like ditching class then as he stood there, watching Alex go. He felt as if he might as well be melted here and now. Who cared if the birds sang and their was a beautiful spring air. Yet, like a candle, he felt as if he were burning for Alex, right now. But Alex would never know it. He had to be satisfied with that. Had to be.

"Why so sad?" Javi woke him up.

"Huh?" Logan was caught off guard. "I guess..I'm just not..ready..." He saw how Javi looked at him. Javi's smile was quick. "For..for a test."

"Oh, well..have time for coffee?" Logan was afraid his words meant something else. All he could do was look at Javi's mouth, the texture of his smooth skin. His chest. The way the curls gathered, touching his neck. It was a genuine art he could watch for hours.

"I guess so." Logan hadn't meant to say, but he did. It was like Javi had this certain power, and it was just suppose to be. For now, anyway. Just this moment. Not next week or even tomorrow, but right now.