The interview that's gripped the world of sport will be broadcast in a few
hours - Jonathan Liew takes an informed guess about how it'll go...

The cameras are rolling. Lance takes a sip of what we can probably assume is water.

OPRAH: "Here’s my first question. How do you explain the incredible fluctuation in your haematocrit and haemoglobin levels, as well as your suspicious reticulocyte percentages, in between the start of Giro d’Italia and the start of the Tour de France in 2009?"

Lance looks aghast.

OPRAH: "Nah, just kidding. Let’s talk about the good times. I hear you have five beautiful children"

LANCE: "I brought photographs!"

An hour passes.

LANCE: "...and that was when Tiger’s caddie came up to me and said: 'Lance, you gotta stop shootin’ birdies, you’re puttin’ us out of business!'"

Both laugh heartily.

OPRAH: "Now, Lance, I want to move on to some more difficult questions. This isn’t going to be easy for you, any more than it is for me. But I have to ask you about that dark period, those few years that most people will now remember you for"

LANCE: "Well, cancer isn’t an easy thing to have to deal with. But I don’t consider myself a 'cancer survivor'. That’s too arbitrary. Instead, I like to think of myself as a 'cancer assassin'"

Another hour passes.

OPRAH: "Now, Lance, I want to talk about doping"

Lance cries instantly.

LANCE:(through massive sobs) "It was the cancer that made me do it. And then, it was my unbreakable responsibility to today’s cancer-assassins that made me keep doing it. Only people that have had cancer and then set up a foundation to help other people with cancer can really understand what I’m going through"

OPRAH: "What about..."

LANCE: "Cancer, cancer, cancer"

OPRAH: "What about the people you hurt?"

LANCE: "I can’t apologise enough to them. My eldest son once asked me whether I had taken anything to help me win the Tour de France. He was only eight years old. I sued him for half a million dollars. I can’t take any of that back. I can’t live this lie any more. I owe it to everyone I’ve let down. Everyone who trusted me. My family, my sponsors, everyone at Livestrong. That’s about it, actually. If only I had another (counts on his fingers) seven chances to make things right. It could all have worked out so differently. Now, it’s all gone. I’m finished. Ruined"

OPRAH: "Lance, your story has touched so many people. Me included. But most of all, five guys who have travelled a long way to see you today. I’d like you to meet them"

TYLER: "Well, we heard you were in trouble, Lance. And that this was your big day. I wouldn’t have missed this for the world"

LANCE: "But the last time we saw each other, I was bawling furiously at you in a restaurant in Aspen, promising to make your life a living hell"

TYLER: "That was the guacamole talking, Lance. Everyone deserves one shot at redemption"

He empties a big bag of banknotes onto the table.

TYLER: "Here. Book royalties. You earned them just as much as I did"

Stirring string music begins to play.

CHRISTIAN: "We owe you everything, Lance. I wouldn’t have a roof over my head if it weren’t for you"

JONATHAN: "My wife still screams your name"

LANCE: "Where’s Frankie Andreu?"

TYLER: "In the boot of the car"

OPRAH: "It was killing your friends to see you suffer like this. They know how much you want to get back out there and set things straight. So we’ve pulled a few strings, and... well, look under your chair."

Lance reaches under his chair and pulls out an envelope.

OPRAH: "Open it."

Lance opens it. He freezes.

OPRAH: "That’s right! You get a 2013 UCI World Tour Licence! (Points at the rest in turn) You get a 2013 UCI World Tour Licence! You get a 2013 UCI World Tour Licence!"

LANCE: "Back on the road! Paris, baby! (Thinks) There’s just one problem, though. With Frankie going over to the dark side, we’re gonna need a new super-domestique..."

EXT. ALPE D'HUEZ. DAY.

July. Team US Postal Mark II are powering up the climb, with Lance sitting at wheel, the yellow jersey draped proudly over his shoulders.

TYLER: "Just like old times, skipper!"

LANCE: "How y’all doing up there?"

OPRAH: (pedalling furiously) "This stuff is delicious!"

On the horizon, we can just make out a motorbike, disappearing over the crest of the mountain and into the distance