Fact–they’re the hottest team in baseball. Fact–they’ve won eleven straight games. Fact–their fans are the scum of the Earth. They really are. If there’s a roster spot for fans next season I can see them going early, like Lindsay Lohan early. These days nary a fortnight goes by without some Phillies fan doing something that reminds us why people hate America.

Recently, while the Phillies were hosting the Florida Marlins, third baseman and fan of alliteration, Placido Polanco took to the plate with two outs and one man on in the bottom of the 8th inning. The Phillies had an 8-7 lead and were looking for an insurance run or two to help secure the win. The camera man panned through the crowd to capture the electricity in the stadium–He should have known better.

A short-bus-dwelling moron in a baby blue Phillies fisherman hat (yes, apparently they do still make those) made the Philly-most of his four seconds of screen time by doing the Philly version of, “Hi mom.” Which, of course means he grabbed the tits of the chick standing next to him. Nothing says post season push like feeling up an overweight intoxicated stranger on TV.