I think it's okay to not invite toddlers and babies, and still invite other (older) children. Toddlers and babies have a way of disrupting ceremonies. As long as this standard is applied to ALL toddlers and babies, and not just some of them, then I think it's perfectly fine to exclude that age group.

I really, really want people to stop defining it as "all children or none."

I think the couple should invite the PEOPLE they know and care about. No matter what their age.

So first cousins once removed? (which is what the cousin's children are--maybe hearing that term would simmer them down?) They don't rank up there with nieces and nephews, or even "my friends who happen to be young" (which is what I consider the children of my good friends to be, or the kids I babysat).

My kids were NOT invited to the wedding of my husband's first cousins once removed. (I think partly because my son couldn't remember the names of the groom's brothers, which made the groom's mom realize that my kids hadn't really developed a relationship with them, though DH and I had, very much.)

But the bride *did* invite a young man that she used to babysit for many years. And she invited his parents, but really only because she was inviting HIM. HE was the main guest; they were just add-ons because he was 12. I thought it was cool.

I agree with you it should be about the relationship the couple has with anyone that is invited to their wedding.