Das Bus Written by David S. Cohen
Directed by Pete Michels
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Production code: 5F11 Original airdate on FOX: 15-Feb-1998
Capsule revision A (26-Sep-2001)
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> "TV Guide" synopsis
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None submitted.
[For the sake of reference, the following is a TV Guide-like synopsis:
The kids of Springfield Elementary find themselves stranded on a remote
desert island when their bus goes off a bridge. Meanwhile, Homer sets up
his own Internet company.]
==============================================================================
> Title sequence
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Blackboard: None.
Couch: The family are frogs (Maggie is a tadpole) and the couch is a
lilypad on water. Frog Homer turns on the TV with his tongue.
==============================================================================
> Didja notice...
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... in Noah's Ark, the clouds light up blue each time God speaks a
syllable?
... the colors on the rainbow in Noah's Ark are wrong? (They are red,
orange, yellow, indigo and blue when they should be red, orange,
yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet.)
... in the Model U.N. club, Nelson was just about to butcher Wendell with
his sword from behind when Skinner stops everybody?
... even Lisa is enjoying Bart and Nelson's fruit race?
... When the bus is filling with water, Ralph breaths through his mouth
(which is underwater), even though his nose is still above the surface?
... Nelson appears to consider using the sun together with Milhouse's
glasses to start the fire for a split second, but then uses a stone
on them?
... Terri (or possibly Sherri) has lost both her hair bow and her shoes
and socks by the time the Milhouse trial is underway?
... the writers appeared to think that not everybody would know who Bill
Gates was, so they had Homer say "Bill Gates? Billionaire computer
nerd Bill Gates?"
... one of Bill Gates' lackeys snaps a thick handful of pencils without
any struggle whatsoever, despite not looking very buff?
Nathan Mulac DeHoff:
... Martin seems less intelligent than usual throughout this episode?
... Bart confuses Lewis and Wendell (probably because neither of them has
featured in any recent episodes)?
... Bart doesn't represent France at the Model U.N., even though he's been
there and speaks the language?
... Milhouse apparently has asthma? (How many health problems are the
writers planning on giving him?)
... the animators actually remember to keep Milhouse's glasses broken?
Jordan Eisenberg:
... Noah (aka: Troy McClure) used a magic marker?
... Ralph's banana had 'BANANA' written on it?
... Ralph cheered his banana as it moved backwards?
... Milhouse and Lisa weren't in Bart's fantasy?
... Ralph was eating his banana in Bart's fantasy?
... the 'Ah, Fudge' bar in the cooler?
... the bag of Chippos?
... the Krusty Bar lying next to Milhouse?
... Bart used a rock as a mallet?
... one of Bill Gates' lackeys looked like he was Data's father?
Andrew Gill:
... CBG has a lame-o token ring adapter?
... Homer's SPAM is in the standard proportions?
Don Del Grande:
... Bart is part of the Model United Nations, something you don't normally
expect people like Bart to be members of?
... the bus is lighter than water?
... everyone's clothes managed to dry rather quickly (and rather
wrinkle-free) after they reached the island?
... they didn't have any suitcases, so presumably it was a one-day Model UN
meeting, yet nobody (apparently) reported them (or the bus) missing?
... Homer managed to get an ad on the Internet despite not having a
computer -- and it appeared in the middle of a graphic download?
... they managed to survive even after eating the boar?
... the boar managed to open the cooler, eat all of the food, and close
the cooler again without knocking it over?
Diego Kontarovsky:
... A.M. Springfield has the same theme song as Eye On Springfield?
... Sherri & Terri are hugging each other as they're flooded out of the
bus?
... only one of the twins loses both her shoes and bow?
... Nelson hits Milhouse 10 times in the cage without him budging?
... the mischievous expression on Nelson's face before Bart agrees to let
him punch Milhouse again?
Joe Klemm:
... Homer has his face in pins?
... one of the twins lost her bow when on the island?
Haynes Lee:
... tadpole Maggie has no arms?
... Springfield residents did not notice their children are missing?
... Martin Price is a Finnish Laplander?
Ondre Lombard:
... we never see Homer use a computer system once throughout the Internet
subplot?
Benjamin Robinson:
... how fitting it is that Sherri and Terri should represent Trinidad &
Tobago? (T&T are two islands linked under one government, as I recall)
... as the bus hits the water, Wendell looks like he's about to lose his
lunch?
... in the scene where Bart says goodbye to Lewis, Ralph doesn't struggle
to get out of the water?
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> Voice credits
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- Starring
- Dan Castellaneta (Homer)
- Julie Kavner (Marge)
- Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Nelson, Ralph)
- Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
- Hank Azaria (Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, Bill Gates, foreign guy on
boat)
- Harry Shearer (God, Kent Brockman, Principle Skinner, Otto, Ned Flanders,
foreign guy on boat)
Also starring
- Pamela Hayden (Milhouse)
- Russi Taylor (Wendell, Sherri, Terri, Lewis, Martin)
Special guest star
- Phil Hartman (Troy McClure)
- James Earl Jones (Narrator)
==============================================================================
> Movie (and other) references
==============================================================================
+ "Das Boot" [German movie]
- obvious inspiration for episode title
+ "Batman" [movies]
- the music on the Noah's Ark movie
+ "Suddenly Last Summer"
- "Suddenly Last Supper" {tr}
+ Noah's Ark
- the sinking bus almost got perched on a rock similar to Mt. Sainai {je}
+ Titanic
- the bus hits a rock
- the bus tilts as it sinks
+ "The Lord of the Flies" [book]
- general plot (kids stuck on an island, resort to savagery, scared of
supposed monster on the island with them)
- conch shell used to assemble everybody {nmd}
- building shelter from branches {dk}
- sending out food hunting parties {dk}
- Milhouse's asthma {dk}
- glasses used to start a fire {nmd}
- Nelson's comment "Sucks to the law!" {dk}
- throwing rocks at Milhouse {dk}
- the kids turn on eachother {nmd}
- the "Kill the Dorks" chant {dk}
- tack-on rescue {nmd}
- the tribe's war paint {dk}
- the chase scene {dk}
- the cave near the cliffs {dk}
- the boar {dk}
+ Genesis 6:15 and 6:19-20
- Troy McClure's Biblical epic takes some liberties with these verses
{bjr}
+ "10 Commandments"
- very long biblical movie {hl}
+ Kruschev's U.N. speech
- while making a point during his U.N. address, Kruschev took off his
shoe and pounded it on the podium, just as Skinner does {bjr}
+ "Race For Your Life, Charlie Brown!" [movie]
- raft careens off a waterfaller, we see water (silence), they come
crashing down (screams), goes underwater (silence), surfaces
(screaming) {lj}
+ "Swiss Family Robinson" [the Disney movie]
- Bart's imagined treehouse similar to the one in the movie {bjr}
- ...with invention that carried water up to the top {dk}
+ "Gilligan's Island"
- coconut radio {hl}
+ Dutchess of York
- Nelson calls Lisa the Dutchess of Dork
+ "Star Trek Voyager" [TV series]
- Comic Book Guy is downloading Kate Mulgrew (Captain Janeway) nude
+ Kiss [rock band]
- Ralph Wiggum has the same cat face makeup as Peter Chriss the drummer
from Kiss {hl}
+ "Space: The Final Frontier"
- Comic Book Guy lampoons the motto of "Star Trek" as, "Lace: The Final
Brassiere" {bjr}
+ "Dummies" Books
- Homer reads "The Internet for Dummies: Remedial Edition" {nmd}
+ The O.J. Simpson Trial
- Bart's verdict, "Probably did it, but due to lack of evidence..." {dk}
~ "The Little Mermaid"
- when the gang goes on the warpath, Sherri wears a bikini top made of
seashells, as Ariel the mermaid does {bjr}
==============================================================================
> Previous episode references
==============================================================================
- [7F03] "Who said that??" {ol}
- [7F04], [2F03] James Earl Jones guest stars {nmd}
- [7F08], [7F20], [1F14], [1F22] Homer's infatuation with Maude Flanders {nmd}
- [7F11] Blowfish appears
- [8F03] Ah, Fudge appears {je}
- [8F07] Bart and Nelson race eachother
- [8F23], [3F05] The drinking bird appears {nmd}
- [8F24] Bart leads a rebellion at Kamp Krusty {hl}
- [9F01], [9F07], [7F13] God speaks {je}
- [9F07] Homer the Internet King, similar to Barney the Plow King {ddg}
- [9F13] Ralph's self-inflicted nosebleeds are mentioned {nmd}
- [1F06] Rations are carelessly wiled away in a desperate, stranded situation
{ol}
- [1F11] Kent Brockman's news headline interrupts the end of a program using
the standard split-screen {ol}
- [1F19] Homer gets jury duty {ol}
- [2F03] Bart, Lisa, and Milhouse are pursued by enemies {nmd}
- [2F17] Comic Book Guy hooked on the internet {ms}
- [3F05] Homer decides to work at home {ji4}
- [3F18] Bart deep sea dives {ol}
- [3F22] Lisa in French club {hl}
- [4F03] Moe saves a stranded native {je}
- [4F11] kids playing with fruit leads to a disaster {ol}
- [3G04] submarine caught in Chinese fishing net {hl}
==============================================================================
> Freeze frame fun
==============================================================================
- The kids and their Model U.N. Club countries
- Nelson / Japan
- Wendell / Mexico
- Sherri / Trinidad
- Terri / Tobago (note: Trinidad and Tobago are both under the same
political order, so it is fitting that the twins share this Republic.)
- Lisa / France
- Bart / Libya
- Milhouse / Poland
- Ralph / Canada
- Lewis / U.S.A
- Martin / Finland
- Time of the Model U.N. Club meeting
- 6:54 AM
- What is happening when Skinner brings order to the Model U.N. Club
- Martin and Lewis arguing
- Ralph singing
- Bart about to punch Milhouse
- Lisa and Terri arguing
- Sherri has Wendell by the collar
- Nelson is about to butcher Wendell with his sword from behind
- Banner on the side of the schoolbus
+---------------------------+
| M O D E L U. N. [*] |
| "ORDER AT ANY COST" |
+---------------------------+
* = A picture of a bird with a gun.
- Parents who came to see their kids off
- Kirk Van Houten
- Martin's parents
- Luanne Van Houten (stood far away from Kirk)
- Marge (with Maggie)
- Clancy and Sarah Wiggum
- Flanders' address
FLANCREST ENTERPRISES
740 Evergreen Terrace
Springfield, USA
- Otto's tape
+-------------------------+
| SONGS TO ENRAGE |\
| B u s D r i v e r s ! | \
| .--. _____ .--. | |
| | | |)) ((| | | | |
| "" """"" "" | |
| _______________ | |
| /o O O o\ | |
|---/-----------------\---| |
\ .--. .-----. .--. \ |
\ \==\ \=====\ \==\ \|
"""""""""""""""""""""""""""
- Kids bus-wrecked on the island {dk}
- Bart
- Milhouse
- Nelson
- Martin
- Sherri
- Terri
- Ralph
- Lisa
- Wendell
- Lewis
- Things on Homer's table in the first scene {je}
- Potted plant with a picture of a dove on it
- Typewriter
- Telephone
- 5-ball clickity-clackety whatchamacallit
- Coffee mug
- Stack of paper
- Family portrait
- Marge's good butter
- The book Homer reads
+---------------------+
| |
| +-----------------+ |
| | I N T E R N E T | |
| | F O R | |
| | D U M M I E S | |
| +-----------------+ |
| |
| |
| |
| ------------------- |
| Remedial Edition |
| |
+---------------------+
- Things on Homer's table in the second scene {je}
- Typewriter
- Telephone
- 5-ball clickity-clackety whatchamacallit
- Marge's good butter
- Needle box with his face imprinted
- Scotch tape
- Drinking bird
- Pliers
- Batteries
- Pen holder
- Matchbox
- Other tiny things
- Things new on Homer's table in the last two scenes {je}
- Monkey doll
- Boat paperweight
- Many pencils
- Kids in Bart's dream sequence {je}
- Bart (overlooking scene in a straw hat)
- Martin (showering in a clam)
- Wendel (sliding down the river)
- Lewis (climbing stairs on the tree)
- Sherri & Terri (driving wooden cart)
- Ralph (eating a roasted pig)
- Monkey waiter (climbing to serve Nelson)
- Nelson (lying in hammock)
==============================================================================
> Animation, continuity, and other goofs
==============================================================================
= At the Model U.N. Club meeting, the children have their arms on top of their
country's sign as if it were part of the desk. {dk}
= Bart's Lybian glasses overlapped his country tag when he put them down. {je}
= Bart's sunglasses change position on his desk at school. {dk}
= Bart's papers appear from nowhere.
* Sherri and Terri represent Trinidad and Tobago, but "Trinidad and Tobago" is
a single country; it would be like representing England and Scotland (and
Wales and Northern Ireland) separately, instead of a single United Kingdom
entry. {ddg}
@ You can hear Sherri and Terri laughing when Bart cracks his "point of odor"
joke, even though they simultaneously tell Bart to leave Lisa alone.
* Model UN (IIRC) sponsors only one nation, in real life. {ag}
= The kids' clothes got disheveled real quick, didn't they? They were
starting to get tattered after just one night on the island. {bjr}
= The hole the fish bit into Bart's shorts wasn't there when Bart got back to
the island. {ddg}
= Homer reads the fronts of three envelopes, but I saw him holding only two.
{ji4}
= The phone's position on Homer's table changes after he first puts it down.
{dk}
= Lisa pulls some berries from her pocket, even though her dress doesn't have
a pocket.
* Advertisers would to have an ad (like Homer's "Internet King" promo)
spring up unbidden in the middle of your Internet dealings. Thankfully, they
can't actually do this yet. {bjr}
* Ethernet and Token Ring connections cannot coexist on the same cable
connection. {ol}
* All of us asthmatics know that you can't go diving using an inhaler for
air... all it would do is make your pipes expand and your heart beat like
nuts. {jo}
* Bart was able to swim while carrying an ice-cooler. {je}
= Bart has no shirt on when he comes back to shore with the cooler, but he is
wearing one seconds later while scoffing food. He didn't have sufficient
time to put the shirt back on, never mind start eating food as well.
c Comic Book Guy says 28.8 kilo., but captions say 2.8! {ji4}
* Considering that the kids couldn't build an acceptable treehouse, that's a
pretty secure homemade cage holding Milhouse. {bjr}
= Lisa gets that UN charter out of thin air. {ol}
= Nelson says "move in for the kill" as they enter the cave, yet the shadow of
his mouth on the wall doesn't move.
c Lisa says "Oh, figs", but captions say "Oh, turds". {ji4}
= Where did Lisa get the Model U.N. Charter from?
= If the boar ate the food from the cooler, how come there were no boar
tracks? {ddg}
= The kids were able to hog-tie (no pun intended) the wild boar. {je}
= The kids are eating parts of the boar, even though the entire bore seems to
be in one piece over the fire. It could be argued that the meat they have is
from the side of the boar which we don't see. However, Martin is eating the
entire snout -- which we do see over the fire.
==============================================================================
> Reviews
==============================================================================
Dale G. Abersold: A great main plot, saddled with an unfortunate subplot and
a few truly unfortunate time-wasting jokes (in an episode that was short of
time). David S. Cohen proves once again that he is one of the stalwarts of
the current writing staff. (B+)
Jason Adams: Some of you are going to really hate this episode, and it does
seem to have a Principal-and-the-Pauper-esque plot hole, but this is just a
little more clever than that. The subplot about the Internet company was
perfect, for one thing. For another, it's nice to see Springfield
Elementary, especially some of the more minor characters, get a little
spotlight. Unfortunately, the mitigating factors didn't quite outweigh the
bad plotline, although the James Earl Jones ending was inspired. (C)
Chris Courtois: "Das Bus" was a solid episode, with an entertaining main story
and subplot. Unlike many Season 5 and 6 extended parodies which fell flat
if one was unfamiliar with the material being spoofed, this worked even if
one wasn't familiar with "Lord of the Flies". Somehow I made it out of high
school and college without ever reading it, nor did I see either film
version, yet I did not get the "gee-if-I-knew-what-they-were-spoofing-this-
might-be-funny" feeling I've gotten in some episodes. The subplot provided
some great digs at Bill Gates and computer nerds (Comic Book Guy asking for
faster nudity was a classic line). Nothing gut-bustingly hilarious, but
enough solid entertainment to rate a... (B+)
Nathan Mulac DeHoff: Well, the idea was fairly original, and I think they
pulled it off pretty well. There were many few funny moments, and, while I
probably wouldn't rank it among the all-time greats, it was definitely a
good one. The subplot was pointless, but funny. I enjoyed the "Lord of
the Flies" references, although I have to admit that some of the best
laughs occurred before the kids reached the island. The ending, however,
was quite possibly even more purposely pathetic than that of "The Principal
and the Pauper." It was somewhat amusing, but I think they could have come
up with something a little better. (A-)
Jordan Eisenberg: What do you get when you mix Lord of the Flies, James Earl
Jones, Bill Gates and a bus driver working as a slave on an oriental
fishing boat? I don't know and I don't care, but last night's episode sure
was funny! Homer was back to his charming old numbskullery, the kids play
a central role for once, there wasn't one OOC moment, not one awkward phase
in the plot, plenty of great lines, political satire, literary satire...
With two hits in a row so far, it'll take a lot more than a
guest-star-centered episode to shake my faith in this season again. (A-)
Marc Flynn: I'm the last one to criticise the Simpsons. In fact, I am usually
the one to defend even the worst episodes, but I agree, das bus was
mediocre. The scenes on the island were not funny, simply because they
were ripped off of a story every one knows. Lord of the Flies was not
parodied, rather, it was mimicked, using the Simpsons characters instead
of piggy etc. The internet thing was funny, but it was so underdeveloped.
It was as if the writers couldn't get enough milage out of recycling lots
so they inserted this half hearted sub plot. Homer starting a business
would have made a great episode.
Andrew Gill: David S. Cohen used to be able to write endings. But not here.
Both the plot and the subplot are ended by trite (gluey) unctions. Besides
that, this was a terriffic episode. I must admit that I didn't like "Lord
of the Flies", but this was a good parody. It had just the right
combination of parody and duplication. I felt that both of the plots were
a little weak, but they were executed beautifully. The pace and style
hearkened back to early 5th season--or perhaps even 2nd season. If this
keeps up, Season 9 will be easily my 4th most favorite season. Gradewise,
this was kept from an A+ by Lisa's mischaracterization at the end (although
you can justify that by saying that logically, the slime must be somewhat
nutritional if it sustains the boar, and the Lisa wouldn't go for the
meat), but it comes quite close. (A)
John Isles IV: This episode had a good plot, and a mediocre sub-plot.
Having Springfield Elementary's best known students trapped on a deserted
island was brilliant. Many of the jokes worked out well, leaving a
well-rounded story line for Bart and Lisa (great joke at the end... Won't
Lisa learn?) Overall, this was a good plot.
On the flip side of the coin, the ideas for Homer's home business must
have come from the cellar. Homer used a computer earlier in the series,
so shouldn't Homer have known about the Internet already? To make matters
worse, there was a poor [mock] Bill Gates cameo-- this would have been
better sans the Gates interaction.
This is one episode where a bad sub-plot hurts the main story, but I would
still recommend this one... for the "Lord of the Flies" setup. (B-)
Diego Kontarovsky: A step up from last week's "The Joy of Sect," this story
kept me entertained and had its moments. Some really lame jokes, and a few
recycled gags, but the crash scene was original and exciting, and the
ending, which at first I thought to be stupid, grew on me because of it's
originality. If they'd put more time into Homer's sub-plot, it would've
been less confusing, and ultimately funnier. One final thought that's been
nagging at me for a while, though. Take a look at the genius writing in
classic episodes such as "Lisa's Pony," or even "Colonel Homer". We don't
get that kind of script anymore. Is this what we have to do for a decent
plot? PARODY something? Bring back the quick-paced wit that made the
Simpsons popular in the first place. Not this slow-paced, first-draft,
lame-ass DRY "humor". (B-)
Haynes Lee: Two of the most non-related story lines. The Homer one was good
but too short. The other one with Bart was overly long with abrupt ending.
It would have been better if Bart was dropped off altogether and have it
entirely based on Homer's internet foray. (C-)
Ondre Lombard: An episode with a relatively simplistic plotline (most of which
was borrowed from another story), padded with a lot of dull, slow,
contrived jokes. (The thing with abusing Milhouse's glasses got old real
fast.) The subplot with Homer didn't start to pick up any pace until Comic
Book Guy received his ad (that was priceless.) I will have to admit,
though, I was expecting something a little interesting after the end of
act One. I guess the bottom line when dealing with the episode is this:
based on as much as I can remember of "Lord of the Flies," trying to
concise the involved story into 15 minutes isn't going to do either the
novel or The Simpsons any favors. I mean, for example, to hurry into the
Lord of the Flies spoof, they had to have Bart recover from the trauma of
nearlydrowning to death seconds after the fact. Another thing that bothers
me is this ubiquitous trend of setting up situations, and not resolving
them. (Such as in 4F08, 5F07 and now here.) I guess I should give some
credit for the half-assed attempt to set closure to the story. Yet another
episode reaching farther away from reality, indicating that ideas are
becoming very hard to come up with. Some genuinely enjoyable moments save
this one from a failing grade, but it's not high on my list. (D+)
Michael K. Neylon: I can't place a figure on anything *wrong* with the
episode, but only with presentation and development that could have been
done better. I wouldn't imply that the writers aren't trying their hardest,
but it felt like an 80% effort, instead of the full 100%. For a Season 9
episode, its above average (7/10), but as an OFF episode overall, its
doesn't quite tickle my fancy (5/10).
John Ogan: This episode was truly brilliant, though I'm not without my
complaints. I was happy to see the behavior of the kids at the Model U.N.
meeting and all the refs to Lord of the Flies, but the Homer sub-plot
killed the main plot. They could've done so much more with the kids on the
island if they had had the extra time Homer's stupid business took up.
There was also a lot of wasted time here and there, such as the movie, when
Nelson is punching Milhouse, and while we're waiting for the bus to hit the
water, and the pacing scene. I'd also felt like I'd seen some of this
episode before while watching the first act...Homer with a new business,
Homer calling in with a dumb excuse, Kent Brockman covering half the
screen, Troy acting badly... if they wanted to do a good homage to LotF,
they could've axed some of this stuff for a more in-depth look at the
island.
I was trying to guess before I saw this episode who the role of Ralph was
going to be given to... I guessed Bart, and was pretty much right (conch).
I guessed Nelson would be Jack (yep), and thought Milhouse would be Piggy
(the glasses, the inhaler). Nice inclusion of Sherri and Terri for Sam
and Eric. Of course, Milhouse doesn't make the ideal Piggy, because he's
not the rational one who serves as the connection to society and human
culture, that role is given to Lisa. I thought the "Kill the dorks, Mash
their butts" chant was splendidly done. A great chase scene as well.
On the vegetarian themes... while I choose not to eat meat in a civilized
society, any vegetarian who counts self-preservation as one of their
tiniest inclinations would revert back to some degree of flesh-eating if
stranded on an island. Let's be reasonable...licking slime off a rock?
Hardly nourishing when you consider how much strength you need for
survival. This episode isn't exactly a victory for vegetarians. I'm not
totally "humorless" about it though, ha, ha, yeah. Mmm...
Was that James Earl Jones at the end? Well, "they were saved by Moe" my
ass, James. Actually, that was kind of funny in a way, but still, take
some of that pointless time from Homer, give it to the kids, and have a
decent rescue scene. The Bill Gates humor might be a little tired, but
you have to love the two geeks smashing up Compuglobalhypermeganet.
Generally, we're going to have to take this as a silly little episode
that was a great translation of a classic book, and put some of our
protests about the glory of the original Simpsons episodes away. Sigh.
We'll be doing that for the rest of the show, it seems. (B+)
Tom Rinschler: Ehh. Not that bad, but not that good either. The plot (and a
subplot!) were reasonably well crafted, although the ending was rushed.
There were a few good jokes, but it wasn't a non-stop laugh fest either.
It was nice to see some of the underused children, like Lewis and Wendell.
Overall, a rather average outing. (B-)
Benjamin Robinson: "Das Bus" shows that you can have surreal setups, yet still
maintain the characterization and "human-ness" that makes "The Simpsons"
special. The civilized children's slide into primitive behavior was
generally funny, and didn't violate anything we knew about their
characters. A subplot detailing Homer's attempts to enter the Internet
business provides some good contrast and a few laughs. This show aired on
creator Matt Groening's birthday. It would make a pretty good present,
indeed. (A-)
Matt Rose: Well, this wasn't too bad... I feel like there were a lot of strong
things this week. I feel like everyone was in character for the most part.
I wish that Otto would have been more involved, though. The subplot with
Homer was *very* weak, and really had no business being in the episode.
Homer Simpson is unlikeable now. I can't stand the way he's being
portrayed... something needs to change and change soon. I see a few
subtleties creeping back into the episodes, which is a good thing. I feel
like after watching this that some thought was at least put into this
episode, and that's a step in the right direction. There is still room for
improvement and I'm satisfied with what I've seen, but this show can still
be a lot funnier. (B-)
Yours truly: I don't like it. It's bad news when it's hard to distinguish
whether or not an episode is supposed to be taking place in the "real"
Simpsons continuity, or whether it's supposed to be a Treehouse of Horror
kind of episode, where the events never actually take place. The subplot
involving Homer's Internet company worked nicely though. It's a shame that
the main storyline was so unbelievable and far-fetched. Personally I'd
have preferred an entire episode revolving around Homer's 'net company.
The ending was just pathetic, this Moe thing. I suppose it was supposed to
be funny, but I'm sure anybody who for some reason found it funny would
sacrifice that little chuckle to get a proper ending. (D)
==============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
==============================================================================
>> That was a long movie!
Joe Klemm: The joke about the length of the film bashes the Ten Commandments.
This film is a perennial ABC Sunday Night film around Lent. However, the
film with commercials is 5 hours long. Yet, they still show the film in one
night, with the exception of last year, when the film was split in two
parts.
>> How can they fall off a bridge into the ocean?
Tom Rinschler: There are plenty of bridges that go over inlets or straits that
have ocean on one or both sides. The most extreme example would be in the
Florida Keys, where US 1 skips from island to island in over fifty bridges,
with ocean on both sides. I suggest that the UN conference was on Key
West, the bus fell over one of these bridges, and the kids floated to a
nearby tropical island.
Try driving to Key West sometime. Or from Norfolk, VA to the Delmarva
Peninsula. Both these bridge complexes (and many more) pass over long
stretches of ocean. In the former case, the island they would land on
would be tropical in nature, as seen in the episode.
>> Lord of the Flies
Daniel L. Dreibelbis: A novel by William Golding in which English schoolboys
are stranded on an island by a plane-wreck in which the pilot was killed;
attempting to form a society, they rapidly devolve into barbarism. One
character, Piggy, a bespectacled nerd, comes to an especially sticky end.
This was made into two movies, with the 1963 version considered the
classic.
>> Detailed Lord of the Flies notes by Justin Stout
- Characters:
- Bart "Ralph" -- Leads the entire group and then just the characters
that favor society.)
- Milhouse "Piggy" -- Afflicted by physical and social problems and is
the person that feels the brunt of anarchy.
- Lisa "Ralph/Piggy/Simon" -- Shows characteristics of all three. Like
Ralph she favors society, like Piggy she is the planner that is
rejected, and like Simon she is the voice of reason that no one
listens to.
- Nelson "Jack/Roger"
Like Jack, leads the hunters that rebel against the fire keepers
(society favoring characters.) Like Roger, sadistic torturer pelts
Milhouse/Piggy with a rock.
- Sherry/Terry "Samneric
Twins that initially side with Bart/Ralph but join the hunters.
(Okay, thats a little bit of a strech since Samneric was tortured.)
[Yes I'm aware I used a singular verb. Read the book.]
- Groups:
- Nelson & co. "Hunters"
Favor violent methods, separate themselves from the others,
anarchists.
- Bart & co. "Fire-keepers"
Planners, favorers of society, the victim of the hunters violent
impulses.
- Plot similarities:
- Children shipwrecked on an island.
- Milhouse/Piggy helped by Bart/Ralph.
- Ralph/Barth blows a conch to assemble the children.
- High aspirations of fun on the island that gradually wither away.
- Severe look of the island (in the novel there is a large "scar" formed
by the crash.
- Originally well planned society.
- Abscence of adults.
- Nelson/Jack using Milhouse/Piggy's glasses to start a fire.
- The invention of a monster caused by xenophobia.
- The ostracism of Milhouse/Piggy.
- Nelson pokes Milhouse with a stick, the hunters' method of torture and
killing.
- The theft of Milhouse/Piggy's glasses, the source of the fire-keeper's
power.
- The glasses cracking.
- The feeble attempts by Bart/Lisa at order.
- Nelson/Roger's pounding of Milhouse and throwing the rock at him.
- Ralph/Bart's conflict between being with the hunters and keeping the
society alive.
- The lack of clothes and war paint.
- The chase through the jungle resembles somewhat the final chapter.
- Major Differences:
- Bus instead of plane.
- There are no girls on the island in the book.
- The monster is an animal while the beast is a dead parachutist that
the boys fear because of paranoia.
- The fight between Bart, Lisa, and Milhouse and Nelson and the others
is resolved peacefully, while the fight between Ralph, Simon, Piggy,
and Samneric and Jack, Roger, and the rest of the bigguns is resolved
when a naval officer finds them as Jack and Roger are about to kill
Ralph, Simon and Piggy have been killed, and Samneric has been
tortured and forced to fight for the others.
- Food is easy to find in the book, and is not the cause of the
conflict.
>>Geek spoken here
Benjamin Robinson: If you're reading this, chances are you could follow most
of the Comic Book Guy's ISP "wish list." Internet dilettantes, and other
people who have a life, probably thought the writers just threw together a
bunch of random buzzwords. Not so; he made a coherent and sensible (if
hard to grant) request.
Here's what Comic Book Guy asked for:
"I'm interested in upgrading my 28.8 kilobaud Internet connection to a 1.5
megabit fiber optic T1 line. Will you be able to provide an IP router
that's compatible with my Token Ring Ethernet LAN configuration?"
Here's what the words mean:
28.8 kilobaud: Today's (1998) standard modem speed is 28,800 bits per
second, commonly abbreviated to, "28.8". A "bit" is the smallest unit of
data that a computer will recognize: One letter occupies eight bits.
(Well, it does for most machines. If you don't know the gory details
already, you probably don't want them.) A 28.8 modem transmits 216,000
characters a minute. That's enough to transmit this post x times over.
"Kilobaud" is something of a misnomer; it's more accurate to say "kbps",
where "bps" means bits per seconds, and "k" is the "kilo" prefix.
1.5 megabit: Another measure of a computer link's speed, this time a much
faster one. How fast is a "much faster?" Consider that 1.5 megabits is
1,572,864 bits per second, or 11,796,480 characters per minute. That's
enough to transmit a day's worth of posts to alt.tv.simpsons x times over.
Fiber optic: Technically not a computer term, since fiber optic technology
is used outside the computer world. A fiber optic line is like a wire made
of glass. Information travels along the glass "wire" in the form of light,
just as electricity flows down a regular wire. The chief advantage of
fiber optic lines is that they can carry much more information than regular
wires.
T1: A high-speed communications link for computer. Most large
institutions, such as colleges or local Internet Service Providers, have
one of these. They have enough capacity to carry several people's Internet
sessions at once. A T1 link costs several thousand dollars (U.S.) a month
to maintain, so having your own private one is a little like having your
own Learjet. (Actually, there are even faster links, but these are used
primarily by telecommunications companies to form the Internet "backbone"
itself.)
IP router: A computer dedicated to the purpose of routing Internet messages
to their proper destination. IP routers are a black art to me, so I'm not
certain why the Comic Book Guy would want one, let alone why they may not
be compatible with the equipment he already has.
Ethernet: A popular network architecture. ("Network architecture" refers
to the layout and design of the equipment that makes up a computer
network.) Before a computer on an Ethernet network transmits data, it
"looks" to see if the network is in use. If another machine is
transmitting, it will wait; otherwise, the computer will transmit right
away. This allows computers to share the network without too much
overhead. Oh, and what happens if two computers transmit at exactly the
same time? That's called a "collision," when it happens, the two machines
wait a random amount of time before retrying the send. If that sounds
dicey, you're not alone. One joke I've read is that "Ethernet works in
practice, but not in theory."
Token Ring: Another network architecture. In Token Ring, the computer must
grab an electronic "token" before it can transmit. (The token is just a
sequence of data, not a physical thing that you can see or feel.) The
sending computer attaches the data to the token, and sends the data/token
pair on its way. The receiving computer strips the data from the token,
and returns the token to circulation. This allows for collision-free
sharing of the network.
(The book from which I'm looking this up -- Paul McFedries' Windows 95
Unleashed -- implies that Ethernet and Token Ring are two different network
types. "Ethernet Token Ring," would be self-contradictory then, although I
could swear that I've heard the phrase before.)
LAN: Local Area Network, a small network of computers usually deployed in
one building. The Comic Book Guy says he has a LAN, implying that he has
at least two computers at home, and that he went to the trouble of hooking
them together. There are actually people who do this in real life...
Putting it together, Comic Book Guy was asking, "I'd like to upgrade my
Internet connection so that it will work about fifty times faster. Can you
provide one that will work with my existing computer network?"
Christian Armour doesn't agree: First of all, from the way it was worded and
intoned, it sounded that the CBG was suggesting that Ethernet is a form of
Token Ring. We know this to be completely inaccurate.
What might make sense is that he has 3 interfaces in his network topology:
an Ethernet, a Token Ring and a Point-to-point gateway to his ISP. He
mentions he is running a LAN. Obviously, the machine with the PPP link is
a router (ie. is multi-homed on at least two and probably three
interfaces). This implies that the CBG has at least three machines in his
basement: at least one Token Ring endpoint, at least one Ethernet endpoint
and finally, the router with the modem attached. Since IP is IP and exists
at the transport layer of the OSI model, irrespective of the physical layer
(Ethernet or Token Ring), it makes no sense that Homer's company support
the CBG's Token Ring or Ethernet LAN configuration, he need only know how
to route IP (which everyone does anyway). He could use DECnet or even
carrier pigeons to route the stuff from there.
I therefore conclude that the CBG's request to Homer, as funny as it may
be, made no technical sense whatsoever.
>>And you thought the Scientologists were controversial
Benjamin Robinson: Even if you are so non-technical that you can't get rid of
the blinking "12:00" on your VCR, chances are you've heard of Bill Gates,
or his company, Microsoft. Gates' company is the biggest player in
personal computer software, producing Windows 95, Word, Excel, and other
best-selling titles. Lately, Microsoft has been under fire for all sorts
of things, ranging from the way their Internet Explorer Web browser is
distributed, to the way they pay their contract workers. Interestingly,
although Microsoft has bought a number of smaller companies, including
WebTV, few people have complained about this. As far as I know, they
haven't bought out a competitor solely to put it out of business. Usually,
they just re-brand the new product under the Microsoft name, and sell a ton
of it.
>> Since Net memory tends to be short:
David Sewell: Homer's self-identification as the "Internet King" in "Das Bus"
was a reference to the brief (but not brief enough) notoriety of
self-styled "Spam King" Jeff Slaton of Albuquerque, who began his spamming
career in summer '95 by mailing ads for Fat Man and Little Boy atomic bomb
blueprints to hundreds of Listserv mailing lists, and who then went on to
perpetrate a variety of email and Usenet spams. He probably reached the
height of his fame with a profile in WIRED 4.02, which can be found at:
(Homer, not coincidentally, is reading WIRED in this episode.)
More recently, some journalists have applied the "Spam King" label to
Sanford Wallace of Cyberpromo ill fame, but I don't believe Wallace has
called himself that.
>>Wired Magazine
Benjamin Robinson: Homer reads this while setting up his Internet business.
It's a magazine for the hip new digital age (somewhat self-consciously so).
Wired differs from its competition in that it focuses on people behind
computers, and on the machines' impact on society, where other magazines
mostly test and review new hardware and programs.
>> I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's!
Joe Klemm: Arby's is a restaurant chain that specializes in roast beef
sandwiches.
>> Dummies Books
Joe Klemm: The Dummies books are very popular books for computer users. They
tell people how to run the computers and objects used with it. Currently,
the book has broaden into deeper territory with topics not associated with
computers.
>> Worst Ending Ever
Paul Tomko: Ah, but you see, Lord of the Flies also had a cop out ending. The
Simpsons writers were merely parodying that ending. Ironically, if they
were to have given it a tight ending, it would not have been as good of
a parody. The "cop out" ending had more humor for me for that reason.
>>Miscellaneous, etc.
- It's not so far-fetched that the Noah's Ark movie would end just as it was
time for the kids to go to school, because the Model U.N. Club meeting that
they attended was BEFORE school hours. The proof is in the scene where they
wrap up the meeting and the wall clock reads about 6:52 A.M. {dk}
- "Zeppelin Rules" -- Led Zeppelin (1969 - 1980) is band for the
dinosaur rock enthusiast, so this was a really good thing for Otto to yell.
{bjr}
- You have to register an Internet domain with Internic which has a monopoly
over this. There is a EDGECOM.COM, CUTCO.COM, but no domains pertaining to
FLANCREST or INTERSLICE. {hl}
- Haynes Lee's alterna-title for the episode is "The Fly King".
- Haynes Lee owns the domain http://www.compuglobalhypermega.net!
==============================================================================
> Quotes and Scene Summary
==============================================================================
% The clouds are dark, lightning flashes, and Troy McC-- uh, Noah stands in
% the mountains as he recieves the words of God.
God: Noah! They shalt build thyself an ark, measuring 300 cubits in length!
Noah: [Jotting this down with a jumbo marker] 300 cubits, give or take.
God: 300! And thou shalt taketh two of every creature!
Noah: [Writing it down] Two creatures.
God: Two of creature!
Noah: Even stink beetles?
God: stink beetles!
-- Troy McClure as Noah, "Das Bus"
% The Simpsons are sat together watching the TV.
Bart: Wow, cool, God is so in your face!
Homer: Yeah, he's my favorite fictional character.
-- "Das Bus"
Marge: Oh, it's so late! You kids have to go to bed!
Bart: But the flood's only knee-high! At least let us watch 'til the midgets
drown!
Lisa: Yeah, mom, c'mon! You let us stay up to watch Troy McClure in such
other bible epics as David vs. Super-Goliath and Suddenly Last Supper!
Bart: Go Lis! Way to cite precedent!
[They high five.]
-- "Das Bus"
Marge: Alright, you can stay up late tonight, but tomorrow everyone's going to
bed at 5 o'clock!
Homer: Woo hoo!
-- "Das Bus"
% Much time has passed, and the movie is coming to an end. The dark clouds
% clear and a rainbow is in the sky.
God: Go forth, Noah! And remember! The key to salvation is--
[The screen splits as Kent Brockman begins his morning news
report.]
Kent Brockman: You've seen the movie, now meet a real-life Noah! Only this
Noah has been accused of two of every animal! Coming
up next on AM Springfield!
-- "Das Bus"
% The movie was so long that it's time for school by the time it's finished.
% Homer is on the phone to Smithers.
Ah, can't make it in today, Mr. Smithers! I have smallpox! ...Well, it wasn't
wiped out in house!
-- Homer on the phone to Smithers, "Das Bus"
% At school, a Model U.N. Club meeting is taking place.
You leave tomorrow for the statewide Model U.N., so this is out last chance
to bone up. And bone we will! [The kids break into laughter]
-- Skinner, "Das Bus"
% Skinner gets Martin to do his native Finland dance. He then moves onto
% Milhouse, who represents Poland.
Skinner: Poland! Tell us about your nation's achievements!
Milhouse: Well, I heard they sent a rocket to the sun once.. at night. And
there was that submarine, with the screen doors..
Skinner: No, no, no, no, young man, you need to do some boning!
Lisa: [laughs]
Bart: Oh, grow up, Lis.
-- "Das Bus"
Skinner: OK, Libya.. exports!
Bart: Yes, sir, you American pig!
Skinner: [chuckles] Nice touch.
Bart: Uh, ahem, let's see...
[Bart shuffles through his papers, which are blank.]
The exports of Libya are numerous in amount. One thing they export
is corn, or as the Indians call it, "mase". Another famous Indian was
"Crazy Horse". In conclusion, Libya is a land of contrast. Thank you.
-- the Model U.N. club, "Das Bus"
% Before Skinner can comment on Bart's research, he is distracted by someone
% else.
[Nelson, since he's representing Japan, sticks some chopsticks up
Wendell's nose.]
Lewis: Oww, I can't breath! Please stop him!
Skinner: I'd like to, but I'm afraid he has diplomatic mutiny.
-- Model U.N. club, "Das Bus"
Lisa: Point of order, if we want to learn anything we must respec--
Bart: Point of odor, Lisa stinks.
[Laughter]
-- "Das Bus"
% Sherri tells Bart to leave her alone, which stirs up the rest of the class,
% and within moments, all the kids are fighting eachother.
[Banging his shoe on the table] Order, order! Do you kids wanna be like the
real U.N., or do you just wanna squabble and waste time?
-- Principle Skinner, "Das Bus"
% The next day, the kids are getting onto the bus ready to go on their Model
% U.N. Club trip. Marge wishes them a good time.
Remember, Ralphie, if your nose starts bleeding it means you're picking it too
much... or not enough.
-- Chief Wiggum "Das Bus"
% With the kids on the bus, Skinner announces to them that Otto is in charge.
[Quietly] Remember, Otto. We're trusting you with our greatest natural
resource... the school bus.
-- Principle Skinner, "Das Bus"
% Back at home, Homer is stood by his mailbox checking what letters he's
% recieved this morning.
Water bill, third notice. Jury duty, third notice. Mortgage bill.. ooh,
second notice! [Drops it down the drain.]
-- Homer checks the mailbox, "Das Bus"
Homer: Flancrest Enterprises?
Ned Flanders: [from his mailbox] Oops! That's for me! Flancrest Enterprises
is my home business.
Homer: You liar! You don't have a home business, why would you make up
a lie like that?
Ned Flanders: [Laughs] Oh, it's true! Maude and I sell religious book rugs
over the Internet!
Homer: [smooth] Internet, eh?
Ned Flanders: Yes, indeedy! Making some good scratch, too!
Homer: [smooth] Scratch, eh?
Ned Flanders: Yep!
Homer: [smooth] Maude, eh?
-- "Das Bus"
% Soon enough, Homer is setting up an office for his new Internet company.
% He's collecting all the vital things, such as a typewriter, a drinking
% bird, a picture of the family, and putting them onto a table. He tells
% Marge everyone is making money off the Internet nowadays except them!
[Marge notices Homer has a handfull of pencils poked into some butter.]
Marge: Is that my good butter?
Homer: Can't discuss that now, Marge! I have to write another delicious memo!
[He takes a pencil from the butter and licks the buttery end.]
Mmmm... memo...
-- "Das Bus"
% Otto sits in the bus, while the noise of the kids singing "sixty three
% bottles of beer on the wall, sixty three bottles of beer..." floods his
% ears... but it's not the kids in the bus. It's a tape named "Songs to
% Annoy Bus Drivers," which he throws out the window.
% Nelson and Bart decide to have a race with fruit to see who's fruit reaches
% the front of the bus first. Bart chooses and apple, Nelson chooses an
% orange. Ralph joins in... with a banana. As the race is coming to an end,
% Milhouse makes a last minute decision to throw a grapefruit into the mix.
% He bowls it, and it surpasses the other fruits, but gets caught under the
% brakes pedal! Otto tries to stop the bus, but the grapefruit prevents him
% from pushing the pedal down. Instead, it bursts the fruit open, and some
% juice splashes into Otto's eyes -- it burns! The kids have to be Otto's
% eyes if they want to drive safely until Otto gets his vision back, but
% within seconds, Otto has swerved out of control and the bus is plunging
% from the bridge into the ocean far below. The bus makes a big splash, and
% floats on the surface -- but not for long. Water is filling up the bus,
% so Otto declares he must swim for help. But as soon as he gets outside,
% the strong current washes him away on the opposite direction.
Zeppelin rules!
-- Otto, as he's washed away into sea, "Das Bus"
% The water level inside the bus is rising -- and quickly.
Bart: I guess this is the end, Wendell.
Lewis: He's Wendell! [points to Wendell] I'm Lewis!
Bart: Well, whatever, just tell Wendell I said bye.
-- Bart's legacy, "Das Bus"
% The kids open the bus window, and more water pours in, but it gives them
% a chance to escape the sinking bus. They do just that.
Somebody help me! I think I'm getting swimmer's ear!
-- Milhouse, as the schoolbus sinks, "Das Bus"
% Bart comes to Milhouse's aid, and the kids watch as the bus sinks. They're
% safe for now, but they must make their way to the nearest shore.
% Soon enough, the kids crawl onto the sandy shores of a remote desert island.
Sherri: This is all Lisa's fault, she started the stupid U.N. club!
Lisa: Hey! Martin seconded the notion, it's entirely his fault.
Nelson: People, people! Let's not blame eachother! We all know this is
Milhouse's fault!
-- "Das Bus"
% Everybody agrees, and once again, the kids squabble... until we hear the
% sound of conch shell, coming from Bart, who stands atop a large rock.
What's everyone's problem? I'm glad we're stranded! It'll be just like the
Swiss Family Robinson, only with more cursing! We'll live like kings! Damn,
hell, as kings!
-- Bart, "Das Bus"
% The kids envision a fun in the sun island, with waterslides, "Under the Sea"
% style music, and everyone having a good time. Suddenly the future looks a
% whole lot brighter -- especially at the thought of having monkey butlers.
Good, let's get to work! Me and Nelson will build the treehouse. Martin, draw
a plan for a coconut radio, and if possible, a coconut Nintendo system.
-- Bart, "Das Bus"
Lisa: What about the rest of us?
Bart: You guys gather food for the big feast tonight! And maybe a little
wine for the older kids.
Nelson: Delicious wine?
Bart: Exactly.
-- "Das Bus"
% Back at home...
Homer: Oh, what am I gonna call my Internet company? All the good names are
taken. Oh wait, I've got it! Flancrest Enterprises! [he checks "Wired"
to see if it's available... apparently not!] D'oh!
Marge: What exactly is it your company does again?
Homer: This industry moves so fast it's really hard to tell. That's why I need
a name that's cutting-edge, like CutCo, EdgeCom, Interslice... come on,
Marge, you're good at these! Help me out!
Marge: How about... Compuglobalhypermeganet?
Homer: Fine, it's not important...
-- "Das Bus"
What really matters is my title. I think I'll make myself.. vice president.
[Excited] No, wait! Junior vice president!
-- Homer decides his title in his own home business, "Das Bus"
[The phone rings, Homer answers] Compuglobalhypermeganet, junior vice
president Homer Simpson speaking, how may I direct your call? [miserable] It's
Patty. [hands the phone to Marge]
-- Homer, "Das Bus"
% Back on the island, food patrol brings their findings -- a few poisonous
% looking berries.
Ralph: I ated the purple berries!
[Within moments, he collapses to the ground, groaning in pain.]
Bart: How are they, Ralph? Good?
Ralph: They taste like.. burning!
-- .. good? "Das Bus"
Bart: OK, food patrol blew it.
Milhouse: Yeah? Well your treehouse looks kinda crummy, too. Kinda
crummy!
Bart: When the monsoon season comes, you'll be glad it's there!
[There is a mild gust of wind, and the crudely made treehouse falls
to pieces.]
-- "Das Bus"
% Bart realises that the island isn't very good after all, and decides they
% should have swum for it like Otto.
% Hmmm, I wonder where Otto is right now?
% Cut to Otto, in the middle of the ocean, swimming for his dear life.
Well, I'm done for... at least I'll leave a beautiful corpse.
-- Otto swimming for his life, "Das Bus"
% Otto lets himself drift underwater, but seconds later a huge fishnet is
% uprooted from beneath him, carrying him onto a fishing boat with a couple
% of foreigners on it! Otto thinks they're going to help him, but subtitle
% translations of their dialogue suggests otherwise.
% Back on the island, Milhouse runs towards the other kids screaming "monster,
% monster!" -- naturally, everybody hides (except Ralph, who covers his eyes).
% A few moments pass, with no sign of a monster, and everybody comes out of
% hiding. Nelson shouts at Milhouse for being a scaredy. Lisa decides to
% change the subject, and discuss something more productive -- how are they
% going to light a fire. Nelson uses Milhouse's glasses and a rock to make
% sparks, and lights the fire.
% Night comes around, and the kids sit around the fire.
Terri: I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's!
Lisa: Oh my gosh!
Nelson: That hungry.
Lisa: hungry...
-- "Das Bus"
[Deep growling noise.]
Milhouse: It's the monster! [takes a few doses of his inhaler]
Bart: No it's not, it's my tummy.
[Nelson looks at him, in disapproval.]
I mean stomach!
[Nelson remains unsatisfied.]
Gut!
[Still unhappy.]
Crap factory!
[Nelson nods.]
-- Muntz-speak, "Das Bus"
% Lisa remembers that there was a cooler full of food on the bus. Bart decides
% to swim to the bottom and get it! He takes Milhouse's inhaler for
% respiration. Soon enough, after an encounter with a blowfish (Bart screamed,
% and it deflated, much to Bart's amusement), Bart returns to shore with the
% bounty. The kids tuck in immediately, but Lisa stops them because they'll
% need the food even more in the future.
Lisa: Stop! We may have to live on this food for a long time, so no more
until tomorrow!
Milhouse: But I'm hungry now!
[All the other kids agree.]
Nelson: Yeah, who put the dutchess of dork in charge?
-- "Das Bus"
% The following morning, Lisa is the first to wake, so she wakes everybody
% else up, and they all head for the rations! But the cooler is empty -- and
% Milhouse sleeping beside it surrounded by empty food packaging! The kids
% wake Milhouse up, and he assures them he's innocent.
Milhouse: [belch]
Nelson: [sniffs] Nacho cheese. Get him!
Milhouse: You wouldn't dare hurt me! You forget that I have... the glasses!
Nelson: [takes the glasses from Milhouse's face] Yoink!
Milhouse: [extremely nervous] Now that you've got every you need, I'll just
get out of here...
[He walks a short distance but bumps into Nelson again.]
Nelson: Not so fast, two eyes!
-- "Das Bus"
Come on, let's slice him open and get our food back!
-- Nelson thinks Milhouse stole everybody's rations, "Das Bus"
% Once again, Lisa puts herself in charge, and tells the rest of the kids
% that Milhouse has the right to a fair trial, much to the kids disgust.
Society blows.
-- Nelson, "Das Bus"
% Cut to the Comic Book Guy on his PC. He's typing away.
Oh, Captain Janeway... Lace -- the final brassiere!
-- Comic Book Guy downloads porn, "Das Bus"
% Despite having found what he wants, his modem is very slow and he's
% impatient.
Ugh, this high-speed modem is intolerably slow!
-- Comic Book Guy, "Das Bus"
% The picture slowly appears, line by line, but as soon as it gets to the
% cleavage, an ad for "Internet King" (Homer) appears and covers any nudity
% on the screen.
What the-- the Internet King... I wonder if he can provide faster nudity.
-- Comic Book Guy sees one of Homer's ads on a porn site, "Das Bus"
% So Comic Book Guy goes to Homer's "office"!
% At the office...
Homer: Welcome to the Internet, my friend, how can I help you?
Comic Book Guy: I'm interested in upgrading my 28.8 kilobaud Internet
connection to a 1.5 megabit fiber optic T1 line. Will you be
able to provide an IP router that's compatible with my token
ring ethernet LAN configuration?
Homer: [stares blankly for a few seconds] Can I have some money now?
-- "Das Bus"
% Back on the island, Milhouse's trial begins. Milhouse is in a cage made from
% sticks.
Court is now in session. All rise. [The kids rise.] Nah-ha, made you rise!
-- Bart as the judge, "Das Bus"
Lisa: Your honor, the defense calls it's first and only witness --
Milhouse Van Houten.
[Mumbling from the jury.]
Milhouse, did you steal the food.
Milhouse: Nuh-uh, no way.
Lisa: Could anybody else have taken it?
Milhouse: Well... I guess you could have!
Lisa: [hurt] Milhouse, I am defending you!
Milhouse: Oh... sorry, I'm just saying it was either you or the monster.
-- "Das Bus"
Nelson: Monster... pff... oh, please...
Bart: I remind you, we are not here to debate the existance of monsters.
Jury: [groans]
-- "Das Bus"
% Since nobody saw Milhouse eat the food, Lisa rests her case. Nelson, the
% prosecutor, paces back and forth deep in thought beside Milhouse's cage.
% He bursts into fury, punching the hell out of Milhouse. Lisa tells Bart to
% stop him because he's not asking any questions, but Bart allows it.
% Bart's concludes that Milhouse is not guilty, since nobody saw him eat the
% rations, but he probably did it anyway. The other kids are unhappy with this
% verdict, and pelt stones at Milhouse. Once again, Lisa comes to Milhouse's
% rescue, and when the other kids turn on Lisa too, Bart comes to Lisa's
% rescue. And thus was the beginning of a civil war. Bart, Lisa and Milhouse
% vs. Nelson and the other kids.
% The hunt is on! The other kids have plans for the "dorks", namely acts of
% violence, so the dorks make a run for it!
% Back at the Simpsons home, Homer reads "Internet For Dummies"...
Ooh, they have the Internet on computers now!
-- Homer, "Das Bus"
% Marge tells Homer Bill Gates is here to see him. Homer panicks, and tells
% Marge to get out of here so it doesn't look like a two-bit operation.
Bill Gates: Mr. Simpson?
Homer: You don't look so rich...
Bill Gates: Don't let the haircut fool you, I am exceedingly wealthy.
Homer: [quietly] Get a load of the bowl-job, Marge!
-- "Das Bus"
Your Internet ad was brought to my attention, but I can't figure out what, if
anything, Compuglobalhypermeganet does, so rather than risk competing with
you, I've decided simply to buy you out.
-- Bill Gates, "Das Bus"
% Homer and Marge quietly discuss this proposal.
Homer: I reluctantly accept your proposal!
Bill Gates: Well everyone always does. Buy 'em out, boys!
[Gates' lackeys trash the room.]
Homer: Hey, what the hell's going on!
Bill Gates: Oh, I didn't get rich by writing a lot of checks! [insane
laughter]
-- Bill Gates buys Homer's Internet company, "Das Bus"
% Back on the island, the savages (Nelson and the other kids with warpaint on)
% are hunting down the dorks (Bart, Lisa and Milhouse). The dorks are
% exhausted, and the savages are not far behind.
I can't go on, you two go ahead... and carry me with you!
-- Milhouse, "Das Bus"
% Bart and Lisa reluctantly agree. They reach a huge drop, with a large space
% in between them and the other side. Fortunately, there is a vine hanging
% down from above. Bart and Lisa let Milhouse swing across first, but he
% doesn't throw the rope back, and leaves Bart and Lisa for dead. The clock
% is ticking, but Bart sees a tree which is almost uprooted, so he uses his
% strength to push it down, creating a crude bridge to the other side. They
% run across and hide in a cave. But it doesn't take long for the savages to
% find them and close in on them, but just as the two sides are about to
% clash, the monster appears from deeper into the cave! The kids evacuate the
% cave, and watch on as the "monster" exits the cave. The two sides seem to
% have forgotten their differences when they notice that the monster, which
% Martin identifies as nothing but a run-of-the-mill wild boar, has some
% food packaging on it's tusk. Nelson apologises to Milhouse.
Lisa: Hey, if a boar can survive here, there must be a source of food! Look,
he's licking slime off that rock! That's what he's been eating --
slime! And there's enough slime for all of us! We're saved!
[Cut to the kids roasting the boar over a fire, and eating parts of
it.]
Nelson: Mmm, all that slime made the boar extra tender!
Martin: More snout anyone?
Bart: How's your dinner, Lis!
[Lisa is licking slime from a rock.]
Lisa: Ah, shut up... savages...
-- "Das Bus"
% The camera slowly zooms out from the kids eating, and eventually shows the
% whole island.
So the children learned how to function as a society, and eventually they were
rescued by, oh, let's say.. Moe.
-- "Das Bus"
% What the--
==============================================================================
> Contributors
==============================================================================
{ag} Andrew Gill
{bjr} Benjamin Robinson
{ddg} Don Del Grande
{dk} Diego Kontarovski
{hl} Haynes Lee
{je} Jordan Eisenberg
{ji4} John Isles IV
{jo} John Ogan
{lj} Lee Johnson
{ms} Mike Smith
{nmd} Nathan Mulac DeHoff
{ol} Ondre Lombard
{tr} Tom Rinschler
==============================================================================
> Legal mumbo jumbo
==============================================================================
[5F11] capsule copyright 2001, Hari Michael Wierny. (The quotes remain the
property of Fox, and the reproduced articles remain the property of their
respective authors. I'm just taking credit for the compilation.) Not to be
redistributed in public forum without permission.
Thanks to Benjamin Robinson and Frederic Briere for providing me with the
alt.tv.simpsons archives necessary for compiling the capsule!