Let me first preface this post by saying that I wouldn’t be caught dead watching Dancing With the Stars. Anywhere. Ever. Not even the opportunity to see the painfully hot Julianne Hough in skimpy outfits on a weekly basis could get me into it.

That said, it was brought to my attention that one of the darlings of the 2008 Summer Olympics – gymnast Shawn Johnson – is a contestant this season. Now, I did some remembering and two things immediately came to mind: 1. Isn’t she like 4’2? and 2. Isn’t she like 16-years old? Answers: No (she’s 4’10) and No (she’s 17).

Her extremely gay dancing partner this season is the 22-year old Mark Ballas.

Maybe it’s just me but I find the fact that a 17-year old girl is sexy dancing with a 22-year old dude on national television a little creepy. Throw in the fact that she’s not wearing much and I’m a lot more disturbed. Maybe it’s my adherence to um … what are they called? Oh, right, laws. Sure, it’s just dancing, but for some reason this just feels wrong. I don’t know, I’m sure it’s great publicity for Johnson and a nice experience and all but there’s just something so, I don’t know, seedy about the whole thing.

This summer a friend of mine told me he thought Shawn Johnson was cute. But I knew he didn’t mean cute like “I’d like to get with that” cute. He meant cute like how a golden retriever puppy is cute. It might be adorable but you’re not going to try and have sex with it. Unless, of course, you’re this guy.

Here’s a clip from the show. Now maybe I’m being overly sensitive to this sort of thing, you tell me.

I’m sorry but the extremely gay judge at the end of that dance imploring her to be more “naughty and flirtatious” makes it so much worse.

The fact that the show is on ABC (owned by Disney) makes it even weirder. I guess that South Park episode was right on the money.

The Baker himself brought this up in conversation this weekend…he gave a very detailed description of what she wore in the first episode and I’m pretty sure also admitted in some way or another that he would totally get with her. Creepy, indeed.

17 is “legal” in many states, and he’s only 22 (and gay)? Big deal. She’s hot, and I’m way over 22, and I’m straight. I would so totally go there. Sorry, but you can’t fight evolution. We’re programmed to seek out hotness.