About Last Night

Debbie:
[at dinner with Joan and Bernie]
Wow, this looks great. You guys really went all out.

Joan:
Thank you!

Bernie:
Well... uh, it's a very special evening.

Debbie:
Are you pregnant?

Bernie:
What- what? Hell no; don't you say no shit like that.

Joan:
Hey, get on top.

Bernie:
I'm not getting on top. You gotta get on top.

Joan:
I got on top the last time.

Bernie:
Rock, paper, scissors, loser get on top.

Joan:
Okay

Bernie:
All right, on three... That's a tie so we gotta go from the side.

Bernie:
Hey! Look at me! Get the bag! Listen to me! The food is vile, you hear me? The bitch cannot cook. Whatever you do you do not swallow the fucking food! What you gonna do is this: You gonna wait 'til she's not looking, spit it in the bag. Get low. Put it in the fucking bag. And if you do that throw that shit in the trash, do it fast 'cause the food eat through the bag, and she'll smell it. Alright? You're not listening to me, you don't give a shit about what I'm saying. OK, I gotta die for it, don't mean you have to. You on your own, I tried to tell you.

Bernie:
I wanna talk to you, man. All that stuff that I was sayin' to you about her potentially being Alison? I didn't mean it, man. I'm seeing a difference in you. I feel like it's because of her. I'm kind of like, jealous, a little bit? I'm really happy for you, Danny.

Danny:
Really?

Bernie:
Fuck no! This is stupid.

Bernie:
Yo, you are sick. You're gone, Joan. If you didn't have a pussy, there would be a bounty out on your head!

Joan:
You are a psychopathic social misfit who's clearly in the middle of a deep homosexual panic.

Bernie:
Oh, if I'm gay, it's only because after fucking you for three months, that seemed like the next logical step to take! I would rather chase another man's ass than fuck you again, Joan!