By which I mean, of course, the penultimate Twilight Movie is out today, and soon we will be free, friends. SOON WE WILL BE FREE.

And of course I'm going to the 10am showing for recapping purposes (hoping it's as deliciously awful an experience as the first one was.) Pray/smudge a room/makeover a hobo for me, whatever your religion calls for.

In happier news, Miss Emily, who is 10, did a report on Medusa last night. I gave her some interesting things to read so we could talk about it and figure out how she wanted to do her project. She asked, "Mom, what's feminist rage?" Which led to some interesting discussions about how women have been treated through the centuries ("But that's stupid!" I know, sweetie.) So her report is on how Medusa wasn't monstrous initially, she was made that way by men fearing her.

10 years old, lady and gents. There's your Fourth Wave, and they're being led by Leslie Knope. :)

Wishing you the best possible viewing experience today. I mentioned you were going to mr. muse and made him laugh (through his coughing) by saying you were probably the only person going to see it today who wasn't dragged by a child and who still didn't want to be there.

I'm kidnapping Miss Emily. How are your kids so awesome? Oh, yes. BECAUSE THEY ARE YOURS.

By which I mean, of course, the penultimate Twilight Movie is out today, and soon we will be free, friends. SOON WE WILL BE FREE.

Dude, I got all excited because I mistakenly thought this was the last movie. Imagine my horror when I realized there was still one more! I thought it was almost over, Stoney! *sob*

10 years old, lady and gents. There's your Fourth Wave, and they're being led by Leslie Knope. :)

This warms my heart. It kills me when I read stats about girls self-esteem peaking at age 9 and how they stop dreaming of becoming doctors and astronauts and presidents. There's still a long way to go, but journeys and single steps and all that.

I am channeling good thoughts as you are about to start suffering (for the last time) the hilarious horror of "Twilight." I cannot believe there's still more to come. Will it never end, Stoney? *pulls on ironic Team Cullen Baseball Club hoodie and goes on walk*

I love your daughter. I was reading and reading about Medusa a month ago or so for something I was writing. (I made a brief reference to her and then I had to justify to myself that I was doing so correctly.) There are so many competing mythologies about Medusa's origins, but none of them make patriarchy look very good. In Ovid, Medusa becomes ugly because Neptune rapes her and Minerva is *jealous* of the rape, so Minerva turns Medusa into a monster:

Medusa once had charms; to gain her love A rival crowd of envious lovers strove. They, who have seen her, own, they ne'er did trace More moving features in a sweeter face. Yet above all, her length of hair, they own, In golden ringlets wav'd, and graceful shone. Her Neptune saw, and with such beauties fir'd, Resolv'd to compass, what his soul desir'd. In chaste Minerva's fane, he, lustful, stay'd, And seiz'd, and rifled the young, blushing maid. The bashful Goddess turn'd her eyes away, Nor durst such bold impurity survey; But on the ravish'd virgin vengeance takes, Her shining hair is chang'd to hissing snakes. These in her Aegis Pallas joys to bear, The hissing snakes her foes more sure ensnare, Than they did lovers once, when shining hair.

I guess I need to become a teacher so I can read more stuff by our Fourth Wave writers. Your daughter sounds like a genius. And I think I like your report-helping style better than my mother's when I was writing a report about the Civil War.

"What are you working on?""A report about how the Civil War started.""You mean the War Between the States? [insert long-winded Confederacy-justifying explanation here] So what are you going to say was the cause of the war?""Disagreements over slavery.""It was more complex than that.""Really?""Oh, yes. The North had all the economic power and there were issues about states having the right to regulate themselves, too."

Luckily, if I bring this conversation up with my mother now, she is embarrassed for herself. People do change!

Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.