Monday, January 9, 2012

life.....

Oddly these days, there is an ache that took me by surprise and encircles my ring finger. A phantom pain from the wedding band I once wore. It's weird. Because half the time I never wore it anyway because of my job and all the sports I play. Now all of a sudden it aches.

Perhaps it's because the tendons in my hands are messed up from of all the rock climbing and bouldering I've been doing lately. But more likely it's because I was cleaning out a long-forgotten chest of drawers and came across a a jewel encrusted ring of gold that I once called my engagement ring..... a symbol that held so much promise, so much hope. When I saw it, in its perfect Tiffany-blue box, I just about stopped breathing..... not so much out of sadness, or from wanting, but from all the happy memories that came flooding back to me that I had somehow forgotten about as my marriage slowly dissolved over the years. Because I was too caught up in my own misery to remember the beautiful times. Now that I have had time to heal and breathe, I can see how we did love each other, and still do, in our own quiet way, even if it means we aren't together as husband and wife. We've all made mistakes and there is no blame. It is what it is, and I embrace everything that has happened to me as part of my life's story.

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About Me

I am a professional firefighter in a busy metropolitan city who somehow made it to Acting Captain along the way. I am a mother and doing the best I can to balance these two very different worlds. I am a lover of red meat (cooked medium rare) and live in a funky loft with my 2 very loud and loveable kids. We manage to all get along despite the fact we only have one bathroom and zero privacy. I am a demon if I don't get in a daily workout or get out for some fresh air. I am a neat freak. My kids, of course, are not. I prefer shooting with my 35mm Nikon to any fancy digital camera out there.... only because I am hopelessly analog. My favourite sound in the world is hearing my children laugh. My second favourite sound in the world is silence. This is my blog on what it's like to be a chick in a man's world, a mother in these crazy times, and a woman who perhaps foolishly thinks she has found the meaning of life.