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Tuesday, July 19, 2016

IT'S TIME TO LET GO!

So....
As I lay on my hospital bed perusing through my social media pages and battling with insomnia, I read this mind steering story on MIM, and was reminded of my childhood story.
I could not open up to anyone at the time cos I was scared. Not that I was threatened not to talk by these men, but I was naive and could not reveal the happenings to my then distant and busy parents.
I spent about three years of my young life in a loving neighborhood at lugard crescent Enugu. And that's where most happened.
.........#iwassexuallyabusedasachild#
I didn't know which one started first, but I could remember there were three of them at various times.
The first was my then maternal uncle. He was 15 at the time and I was about 7. I also had 6 and 4 years old younger sisters respectively.
He came to live with us to further his education, so we were free with him. But after sometime, I noticed that he visited me at night.
A special visit. He would come on me while I was asleep, remove my pants, and inserted his erect phallus in between my laps, just close to my vulvar. He would do whatever till he releases. Then covered me up with my gown ignoring my pants.
I only woke up when I felt his presence around me as this went on most nights. I usually stayed awake till he was through, scared of the unknown, hated him so much, but was afraid to confront him or shun him from what he was doing.
I only protested during the day via my actions, by losing the friendship I once had with him, antagonising everything he did.
I was lucky he didn't penetrate or maybe he didn't know how to. This happened till he went home, which was about a month later. Then I felt free.
Ironically, the few nights he didn't visit, he was on my two younger sisters, which I learnt of as an adult from them.
The second was a neighbour, Stephen, he was looking at least 24 years from my judgment. It happened once.
We used to visit his family house to watch cartoon when his parents and other siblings had left home for life's engagements.
One day,as we were enjoying our cartoon with other children, he started asking for our ages. I was the oldest cos I was 8 years then. He sent every other person away except me, cos he said the next movie was only for grown ups like me. I felt good being a grown up.
He then inserted the cassette into the VCR, closed all the curtains and came back when it started showing some dressed man and woman who seemed to be talking to themselves, as there was no volume. They started undressing themselves then started having sex. That was my first exposure to 'blue film'.
He made me kneel, removed his trousers, raised my gown, and removed my pants. He inserted his huge phallus just as my uncle used to do, and started wiggling the damn thing, till he shot out some very thick mucoid stretchy things, and stood up for the bathroom, came in again, then told me to clean up with toilet roll and go home.
Just because I knew that what he did was not right, I hated him, stopped greeting him,and avoiding both him and his house and household. Again, I couldn't tell anyone.
Fast forward to when I was 12 years, the older brother to the other a abusive maternal uncle visited and attempted his own, was non penetrative too, but never tried again cos I started locking our room. Again,I hated him.
I felt guilty of these sins that I didn't bring upon myself for long, and even confessed it twice to a priest, yet it kept haunting me.
*****************
Presently as a mother of two girls, I am overly protective of my two little girls. I leave instructions to my house help every now and then, and make sure I am around when my brothers visit. God willing, it can't happen again!
I know better.

Thank God for giving you the grace to open up to me and share your gory experience with me. I want you to know that you are not guilty of this wickedness that these men Inflicted on you and one thing I can assure of is that God will definitely reward them in their own coin for exploiting your innocence. I want to encourage you to please forgive them as it is very very necessary for your wholeness and restoration. I pray that God will give you the grace and wisdom to raise your children under the atmosphere of love and affection and keep abusive and manipulative individuals far away from them. You must also be mindful of the school you enrol your children to and the kind of friends that they associate with as they grow and trust that God will fight your unseen and unknown enemies in Jesus name Amen.