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Is Your Sex Life Lacking Sizzle?

Has depression crept into your bedroom? Unfortunately, depression can have devastating effects on many areas of your life — and when it comes to intimacy, things get even trickier. While depression may dull your interest in sex, many drugs used to treat depression come with their own slew of sexual side effects. What to do? According to Sandra L. Caron, PhD, licensed sex therapist and professor of family relations and human sexuality at the College of Education and Human Development at the University of Maine in Orono, the best place to start is your outlook. “More pleasure, less pressure,” is her prescription. Here are nine ways to flip back the switch on your sex life.

Put Bedroom Myths to Bed

Nothing compounds depression’s sexual side effects like falling for what Dr. Caron calls “bedtime fables” — tall tales about sex that notch up the pressure and make it impossible to perform. Here’s a reality check about depression and sex: Everyone you know is not having mind-blowing sex all the time. And a real sex life doesn’t mean you have to have an orgasm every single time you have sex. Finally, remember that for most people, depression is temporary and can be treated.

Get Down to the Root of Your Problem

Despite some antidepressants sexual side effects, your best option for overcoming depression and its negative effects on sex is to get treatment. Beyond medication, you may want to try non-pharmaceutical methods such as cognitive behavioral therapy (a treatment method that addresses negative thoughts while supporting positive behaviors). It may not be an immediate fix, but it’s a worthwhile approach to managing both depression and sex problems. Caron also suggests cutting down on the stress that could be interfering with your sex life (perhaps you can refocus your on-the-job mindset to improve your in-the-bedroom attitude).

Pump Up Your Heart Rate!

Preliminary research suggests that 20 to 30 minutes of physical activity may be just the libido enhancer you need. In fact, exercise can boost both your emotional health and your sex drive. Exercise gets your blood moving, releases some of the mood-enhancing chemicals that come along with a good workout, and gets your bod into better shape (making you feel better about yourself, too).

Find a Use for Your Fingers

One of the greatest aspects of intimacy is physical touch. Cuddling, hugging, and massage of all kinds should be explored as you try to fight depression’s negative effect on sex. “Sometimes it’s good just to have a back rub and go to sleep,” suggests Caron. Of course, touching can also be a libido enhancer and turn on your desire. And remember: You don’t need a partner! You can also use touch to explore your own body.

Get Your Hands on Estrogen Cream

For women taking antidepressants, a potential sexual side effect may be a loss of sensitivity in the genital area. However, estrogen cream — applied directly to the labia — has been shown to improve sensitivity to stimulation for some women and act as a libido enhancer. You can get hormone products over the counter, but you might find better results by talking to your depression doctor or ob-gyn before trying a drugstore cream.

Lube Up

Women who are having a difficult time becoming aroused because of depression or depression treatment may experience vaginal dryness. Unfortunately, this sexual side effect can create a vicious cycle: Without lubrication, sex is painful, which means you’ll be even less inspired to try again the next time. Fortunately, there is a quick fix: lubricant. Once thought of as taboo, lubricants are now talked about openly and are heavily advertised on television — so they’re easy to find (and use!).

Fool Around for Longer

The sexual side effects of both depression and depression treatment are highly personal. For some people, arousal might simply take a bit longer than it used to. And few people complain when their partner spends more time on foreplay! Plan on taking your time and playfully experimenting to find out what feels good. An added bonus: taking that extra time will be exciting for the partner who is not depressed, too.

Explore Erotica

Foreplay not doing the trick? Go a step further — read some erotic writing (even a steamy romance novel), wear sexy lingerie, or turn on a racy film, and you could discover the libido enhancer you or your partner needs to overcome the sexual side effects od depression. “Erotica is a great tool to add to the fantasy and get aroused,” says Caron. Once again, experimentation is the key, especially if you have never ventured into erotica before.

Have a Medication Chat

Granted, talking about depression and sex to your doctor could feel awkward. But this isn’t uncharted territory for her, and there are several prescription medications that can help. If your antidepressants are causing sexual side effects, you might be able to change to another depression drug or get an additional prescription. Libido enhancer medications such as Viagra (sildenafil) can also help both men and women improve their sexual response.

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