Alas no one thought to clean my coffee cup – ewwww, need a new one now – but that was a moot point as the coffee machine was broken.

Probably from lack of use over the last month.

My boss – Coffee Bitch – and I went for a walk to get coffee.

All in all, it was good.

I didn’t get much done. Almost had a cry when I couldn’t remember my passwords but managed to pull myself together.

Had a month worth of emails to go through. Including the ones from IT all confused about the emails I sent them when I was clearly in the process of going all Clarence Carter.

With half an hour to go Coffee Bitch tells me we need to have a meeting, rudely interrupting me while I was trying to tweet.

He looked really nervous.

He had an official looking notepad.

Oh yes, my lovelies, I need to JUSTIFY why I need a little bit of fucking compassion and might be a little bit slower than normal for a while.

I need to show how I will be beneficial to the business MOVING FORWARD.

I need to explain to them what I will find difficult and how long it will take for me to get back up to speed.

TWENTY MOTHERFUCKING YEARS I have been there.

TWENTY MOTHERUCKING YEARS.

I worked through a bursting appendix and belly full of blood.

I worked through The Big Bad Thing.

I returned to work A WEEK after my last stroke.

I was in the office THE DAY AFTER TEARING MY ACHILLES and asked for no special consideration while wearing RoboBoot.

And now you want me to justify WHY I have a bit of difficulty with my short term memory a month after a stroke?

You want me to tell you when I will be back up to speed when I have to set myself reminders to fucking SHOWER?

You put me through this when I explained that I can go from fine to WHITE HOT MOTHERFUCKING RAGE in 2.5 seconds for absolutely no reason at all. And then burst into tears for the same reason.

Poor Coffee Bitch. It was not his idea. HIS arse is in a sling too, cause they are bending him over and fucking him up the arse with a rusty pineapple for giving me time to heal.

So this is a ‘return to work contract’ without actually being a return to work contract. It is a ‘record of conversation’ to be placed on my file if management changes and I end up with an official warning for being a little slower than normal.

And bitches, if that day ever comes I will be off on motherfucking stress leave faster than you can say is that your fist in my face.

Sounds awful. They could give you another brain splosion just by putting the pressure on you at a “special meeting” while you’re trying to recover! I’ve had it done to me while depressed- was told to “just finish it” while unable to control the tears running down my face. And my boss was a psychiatrist! He claimed I was the only one who knew how to make his Excel graphs look consistent on his PPT slides- well great payoff, humpfff!! You should record everything on your iPhone in case of a harassment case later… And send in a friendly Hells Angel to administer some arse raping.

arseholes wearing arsehats. My stepfather had a couple of strokes and his workplace of big tough men were WAY more understanding and compassionate and human than your shitty workplace and it took him ages to get back up to speed and he had only been there a couple of years. if that. Your workplace sucks, I want to rip them a new one and make a hat out of the old one and make them wear it.

Oh. My. God. That is totally unacceptable. What is it about upper management; no matter what the business or oganisation, they seem to have NO IDEA about reality, and the actual people who do the real work below them. It’s all just numbers and stats and profits, and the people who work hard to prop all that up can go to hell!

Exactly why I’m trying so desperately to succeed at self employment… I know most don’t have the option to, but damnit Im gonna give it my best shot.
So when are they fixing the fucking coffee machine?! That alone is enough to cause stress leave!

Grrrrr. This is seriously NOT OK to fuck you around with this shit. Sometimes I really like it that I work for the government where they take someone’s return to work after injury or illness more seriously….
Can you contact your union?

Darling, like I said, I am wishing a lotto win or some other windfall for you so that you can go in there in some killer diamond soled heels and tell them to fuck themselves. In the absence of that I am so sorry are treating you this way. Legal, justified? I don’t know, maybe but nobody should be treated that way a month after a stroke, especially after being an employee for 20 motherfucking years. That is bastardliness of the highest order.
xxxxx

what Stace said. And yes, this shit is everywhere. Upper management the world over knows NOTHING about the minions underneath, the ones who do the actual work that gets them the profits they so desire.
How can they possibly expect you to know how long it will take you to get up to speed????
That is an unanswerable question!
Document everything. If they pressure you into another stroke, sue their arses.

That is the last thing you need. Are they serious?! Like others have said, document everything. I’m so sick of corporate BS and it is everywhere. They don’t care about anything except the $.
Stay strong, don’t put up with any shit, and breathe. xx

Shit, baby. I’s so sorry. Short term memory loss sucks big, fat, hairy ones.
But, maybe not day by day, or even week by week, but I think month by month you will notice that it gets better and better. As list making becomes more a part of your life, you dependency on them will get to be a little less necessary.
And I know of what I speak.

I’m new to you, so just catching up (which feels silly, as I knew a little, because we follow a lot of the same people on Twitter). This post made my freaking blood boil! I dont’ know how you didn’t quit. You, madam with the kickass shoes, are a stronger/better woman than I.