the universal conscience, the soul

hallucinations of reality

It was a strange experience induced by the consumption of hawaiian gold caps and an unknown cacti . There is no way to decribe what i felt. For hours it must have lasted but of course there was no perception of time. I have been experimenting, trying to control halluciantions with thoughts envoking emotions and have been somewhat successful with the subconscious aspects. Trying to do this however is like slipping in and out of a world that does not exist by our logical definitions.

it is not letting go of yourself, trying to hold on, where the most mind numbing incidents occur; a form of possession is the best was to describe it. my an d we'll and their reality was taken from us and in its place was a world where everything fed off itself, a giant living organism pulsating with life and death, where everything was a part of something and there was some profound understanding of the deep powerful presence of life. This is of course scattered through my emotions as dice in the desert of humanities heart, betweens the paranoia were darkers shades of reality that waited to be stripped away.

It started with the noises, strange sounds unfamilier to the human mind, distortions of the life around me... coyotes walking about, mices or possums screaming as they are attacked by a force so profound and feared yet embraced. The noises would not cease, then my eyes felt as if they were bleeding out of my head and i was choking on the very air that keeps us alive. The trees around me grew and there was no sky.. moments seems like days only after they passed, the stars were like souls waiting in a pool of ebony, with every move my body made, some invisible hand stroked away at the horizon, and it painted as i moved.

Everything was moving, my body no longer existed. Then i saw it, a creature no mans imagination could create. it moved like the wind yet it appeared to be water, some alien substance.. in this madness it was as if i was watching myself for moments and seeing places and people with distorted faces in parts of the world i have never been. i watched or i felt this creature walk through me. and when it did it was if my entire mind was taken to a different place, it was as if my body was left for dead in the blistering cold from that what was the night. in and out, this creature took me, i was bleeding from my nose but did not notice. i must have vomitted several times, but it was as if i was giving birth to something.

the pain was intense but followed by a feeling of peace, some level of love. it was in a place between heaven and hell that does exist through personal experience, imagination is stronger then knowledge, my brain felt like it was exploading, whatever this was i could not control it. it felt as if good and evil did not exist in this place but there was a war going on iside of myself. i wanted to give in, but i was nothing. i had vanished into the great pool of ebony around me and the demonic images were people suffering in parts of the world with no help.

I had left my body and they saw me somewhere else, they felt me and were with me and i tried to talk but my own voice was like a plant, i could see roots come out of a hole inside my head, as my brain struggled to control the hole the roots grew, i kept trying to scream. someone had to hear me. i could see these things they looked like spheres harvesting thoughts from the entire universe, let alone one small rock humans call earth. there was no death in all the life.. it showed me there was no end. it looked like every person here was a blood cell for an even greater body of life; they were not aware of it, but they were part of it.

it was only after that i began to question the logic and philosophy of humanity, in our modern world it is very twisted and the simplest of answers can solve the complex riddles that tounges try birth genese for self satisfaction; or compensations for creation. The world will look at you whatever way it wants, its how you view the world that will become how you live in an eternity. the universe is always changing, every second our heart beats race the hands of the clock and the consepts we have created here; our little moment in time most people consider life.

i saw this change for what i believe was part of what it really is, it was painful and frightening but it was beautiful. it was unknown, never touched and always changing. little did i know that i was freezing to death in the mist of a great fire. a twisted macrocosom where my senses were all backward, reversed if you will, or simply confused, convulsions.

i saw a sphere with lights moving in all directions and immediatly my my connected with ufo, though it was nothing like that. this object began multiplying there were many of them and one fell from the sky and danced around me then froze and a women walked out of it, it was all very strange. i could see through her body at first but it became solid as she aproached me, i was not myself, we never are. she talked to me for awhile but i do not recall any of the words that came through here, meerly sounds barren volumes of tones, there is no way to describe it. she held out her hand and as i reached to touch it the sphere from which she emerged moved around us creating a giant circlular structure, this circle surrounded us and was glowing with the intense light, inside the light were millions of people, moving reaching out and in as if they were trying to grasp an object, all sorts of body parts were flailing around, faces moving, mouths openeing and closing, convulsions.

All the while i was holding her hand, all in a moment as the circle came and i held her hand she was going to lead me somewhere she turned around and her smile was gone, a look of sadness of confusion moved across her like a sandstorm and she was gone into the circle and then it all vanished leaving me near the waterside.. it felt like my organs were cut out of my body, i have no idea how that feels but it hurt. it had taken something from me.

it was as if i was a tree and this sphere came down and took all my fruit and left me naked and cold in the same place.. the fruit slowly growing back, would it strip me again? in and out of halluciations i spent the remainder of a day or two or a week, i am not sure if i am alive, time means nothing and so many people need love. that is what i learned believe it or not.

There is no way to describe everything i felt and experienced, eyes can be decieving esp when looking back on time, it moves so slow but once its gone it feels like it flew by you faster then the speed of light, perhaps it does, perhaps it never existed. it can feel like a lifetime is a mere moment in the eyes of infinity, a mere moment... just enough time to crack a smile, think a thought, and be recycled into the universal heart.