The other day I was making a purchase at my favourite bookstore, when the man helping me apologized to me for no reason.

“Oh no, I totally didn’t mean for that to sound condescending,” he said as he took my loyalty card and scanned it through.

I didn’t even know what he was talking about.

“Don’t worry. It didn’t come off that way,” I told him reassuringly as I grabbed my purchase.

“OK, good. Because, you know, I’m trying to be more aware,” he replied.

If this interaction had taken place a few years ago, I would have brushed it off as inconsequential and quickly forgotten it but, in 2018, it feels like part of a larger conversation; a sign that a cultural shift is happening.

Over the past few months, we’ve seen an increased awareness about the widespread prevalence of sexual assault and harassment — especially in the workplace — thanks to the #MeToo hashtag going viral following public sexual misconduct allegations against Harvey Weinstein last fall.

Harvey Weinstein. (GETTY IMAGES)

The phrase has since been posted online millions of times, often with an accompanying personal story of sexual harassment or assault.

For those of us who are survivors of sexual assault and harassment, the #MeToo movement feels like a long overdue moment of reckoning; like our voices are finally breaking through the static. However, with every major shift in consciousness comes a period of adjustment. In the case of #MeToo, it’s forced many of us to reexamine our relationships and how we interact with each other – both professionally and romantically.

John Drake, a Toronto relationship expert feels that #MeToo has made dating more convoluted than ever before. “It has made many recoil and retreat from approaching women or dating altogether, for fear of having their reputation or career ruined. After all, the lines of flirtation can be blurry at the best of times,” he says.

The reality is these likely aren’t the men who are the problem in the first place, since they are already considering how their actions may impact other people.

Relationship expert John Drake

However, as he explains, “the reality is these likely aren’t the men who are the problem in the first place, since they are already considering how their actions may impact other people.”

Not every man should be viewed as the enemy but I think it’s dangerous to exclude the “good guys” from the #MeToo conversation. Sexism is ingrained in every level of our culture. If we’re going to break it down, we need to acknowledge that we’re all in this together.

To gain some perspective, I spoke to some friends who are currently in relationships.

Lexa, in Washington, D.C., is the first to admit that her husband is thoughtful and a good listener. “While I know he hasn’t overtly sexually harassed a woman,” she says, there’s a chance he’s maybe laughed at a bad joke or left a woman out of a happy hour or done things that are kind of sexist without realizing it. When she pointed this out, “he paused and admitted I was right.” Her husband now understands that he needs to include himself in the equation.

Kaylee in Detroit has had similar conversations with her husband. “I hadn’t really shared a lot of my painful past experiences with him. It’s a relief to let him know that yes, those exact situations happen every single day to women, including me! He’s absolutely a feminist and an ally now, but sometimes it was difficult for him to accept that YES this is a reality for women everywhere by men who aren’t “bad.”

But this cultural shift needs to be about more than just calling out negative behaviour. In the words of Jocelyn R. Taylor, a chief brand media strategist and founder of LayerUpWithJRT — a proactive female empowerment social responsibility “call to action” movement — it’s not enough to just speak up. We need to “layer up.”

This means becoming “poised, positioned and prepared” to guard ourselves against and refute negative behaviour (i.e., insecurity, fear, bullying, unwelcome or offensive advancements of a sexual nature, harassment) in personal and professional surroundings.

Taylor started the #LayerUp movement, “to help women, men, youth and the LGBTQ community to be mutually responsible and accountable for their actions and safeguard against becoming a #MeToo (aka “victim”) or #Timesup (aka seeking retribution) regardless of race, culture, gender or economic status.”

As she explains, “my movement does not negate what the aforementioned campaigns are doing — particularly for women. However, I firmly live by the words from an Eleanor Roosevelt quote, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

This Week's Flyers

Comments

We encourage all readers to share their views on our articles and blog posts. We are committed to maintaining a lively but civil forum for discussion, so we ask you to avoid personal attacks, and please keep your comments relevant and respectful. If you encounter a comment that is abusive, click the "X" in the upper right corner of the comment box to report spam or abuse. We are using Facebook commenting. Visit our FAQ page for more information.