Marrying down

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Marrying down
Out of my headOverheard at a gathering recently, a pretty 25-year-old, in Manolo Blahniks and clutching a Birkin, expressing her dismay at 62-year-old Imran Khan marrying 42-year-old Reham Khan, “But she’s just too old for him!” On the other hand, not so long ago on a planet not so far away and almost just like ours … Our beloved leader got married today. If she had stayed single for the rest of her life we’d have been happiest because then we could fantasise about her forever and forever and forever as we followed her on her quest for a better Conspiristan. We’re never quite sure how she’s going to go about doing that because she first says that she has a Scheme Z for a Naya Conspiristan. Then she says she has a Scheme Y. Then she moves on to a Scheme X before jumping to Scheme W (which sounds to us just like Scheme Z but ours is not to question Y). Still, if we can’t have her single and available for our fantasies every night on our television screens then we still wish the best for her. We want her to be happy because she deserves to be happy because she’s done so much for the country. Plus, she looks good. In any case, she deserves to be happy.So we are kind of pleased for her that she’s found somebody to share her life with. But, really, did it have to be him? She’s marrying down, isn’t she? I mean, the guy’s old. Really old! He’s like decrepit. He’s twenty years older than her, imagine! And he looks exactly like Mick Jagger now, doesn’t he? And Mick Jagger isn’t exactly George Clooney, is he? People say that he and Mick look alike now because they both loved this girl called Mary Jane at some point and were heavily into her and so she’s had the same effect on them. Some say both of them still love her even now. In any case, the guy is ooooold! And our leader? She looks even younger than her age.Then there’s the fact that he’s divorced with two kids. I mean, if she really had to marry, couldn’t she find a nice, virginal young man with no past (or, at least, not a questionable one). Allah only knows what he’s been up to all those years that he lived in the west. Sure, we know some of his colourful (to put it mildly) history – the tabloids have been full of his exploits and his relationships with models, actresses, VJs, socialites, etc. over the years and he was a regular part of the London scene for a long while – but that’s really probably just the tip of the iceberg. Who knows what he was really up to in his wild days? There’s that whole daughter-who-is-not-his-daughter thing, for instance. Who knows what else has been swept under the carpet?Then when he did get married it was to this Jewish heiress who loves Israel, hates Palestine, and detests Conspiristan (and we don’t care if she denies any or all of that – we know the truth). And his sons? Are they good for anything? What does that say about him as a father?Is he even a proper Muslim? His amorous conquests, Mary Jane, daughter-not-daughter – we don’t know, we really don’t know. Plus, he doesn’t even sport a beard (and neither do his 18-year and 15-year old sons). What kind of partner is he for a true leader of an Islamic country like Conspiristan? He is not even a good citizen. He doesn’t even pay his utility bills, for heaven’s sake.But for our leader’s sake, I suppose we will have to accept him now, wrinkles and all. We don’t really have a choice now, do we? It’s a fait accompli. And on a lighter note, at least he won’t have to change his name after marriage.The writer is a freelance columnist. Email: [email protected]Twitter: @KhusroMumtaz

Out of my headOverheard at a gathering recently, a pretty 25-year-old, in Manolo Blahniks and clutching a Birkin, expressing her dismay at 62-year-old Imran Khan marrying 42-year-old Reham Khan, “But she’s just too old for him!” On the other hand, not so long ago on a planet not so far away and almost just like ours … Our beloved leader got married today. If she had stayed single for the rest of her life we’d have been happiest because then we could fantasise about her forever and forever and forever as we followed her on her quest for a better Conspiristan. We’re never quite sure how she’s going to go about doing that because she first says that she has a Scheme Z for a Naya Conspiristan. Then she says she has a Scheme Y. Then she moves on to a Scheme X before jumping to Scheme W (which sounds to us just like Scheme Z but ours is not to question Y). Still, if we can’t have her single and available for our fantasies every night on our television screens then we still wish the best for her. We want her to be happy because she deserves to be happy because she’s done so much for the country. Plus, she looks good. In any case, she deserves to be happy.So we are kind of pleased for her that she’s found somebody to share her life with. But, really, did it have to be him? She’s marrying down, isn’t she? I mean, the guy’s old. Really old! He’s like decrepit. He’s twenty years older than her, imagine! And he looks exactly like Mick Jagger now, doesn’t he? And Mick Jagger isn’t exactly George Clooney, is he? People say that he and Mick look alike now because they both loved this girl called Mary Jane at some point and were heavily into her and so she’s had the same effect on them. Some say both of them still love her even now. In any case, the guy is ooooold! And our leader? She looks even younger than her age.Then there’s the fact that he’s divorced with two kids. I mean, if she really had to marry,

couldn’t she find a nice, virginal young man with no past (or, at least, not a questionable one). Allah only knows what he’s been up to all those years that he lived in the west. Sure, we know some of his colourful (to put it mildly) history – the tabloids have been full of his exploits and his relationships with models, actresses, VJs, socialites, etc. over the years and he was a regular part of the London scene for a long while – but that’s really probably just the tip of the iceberg. Who knows what he was really up to in his wild days? There’s that whole daughter-who-is-not-his-daughter thing, for instance. Who knows what else has been swept under the carpet?Then when he did get married it was to this Jewish heiress who loves Israel, hates Palestine, and detests Conspiristan (and we don’t care if she denies any or all of that – we know the truth). And his sons? Are they good for anything? What does that say about him as a father?Is he even a proper Muslim? His amorous conquests, Mary Jane, daughter-not-daughter – we don’t know, we really don’t know. Plus, he doesn’t even sport a beard (and neither do his 18-year and 15-year old sons). What kind of partner is he for a true leader of an Islamic country like Conspiristan? He is not even a good citizen. He doesn’t even pay his utility bills, for heaven’s sake.But for our leader’s sake, I suppose we will have to accept him now, wrinkles and all. We don’t really have a choice now, do we? It’s a fait accompli. And on a lighter note, at least he won’t have to change his name after marriage.The writer is a freelance columnist. Email: [email protected]Twitter: @KhusroMumtaz