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Jody- in response

The hardest realization I ever came to was that there was nothing to hold on to but God. Literally nothing. I joined several wives’ support groups, but found that I wasn’t feeling uplifted by them. I would feel the initial “oh, someone gets me!” and then the inevitable disappointment that that was all I could get from another person. A nodding head, but one that doesn’t REALLY get me at all. It has taken me literally years to get to the point where God is really all that matters. I had to come to Him in my own way, on my own time. A turning point was when I realized that I was mentally and emotionally “preparing myself” just in case Husband left. But it was destroying me, and my marriage. When I finally bought in to the idea of bettering myself, so that if we did break up I would be okay, or if we didn’t break up- I would still be okay, I was able to really let go of Husband’s issues and let them be his, and let me take care of me.

God told me on several occasions to let husband alone, that He was taking care of him, and to BE PATIENT. I think this can apply to pretty much every situation in our lives. But again, I had to come to this in my own way.

Long story short, I don’t know of any other “wife blog” that is written by a woman who is still married to her gay husband. There aren’t many husband blogs written by faithful married gay men, either. But that doesn’t mean a single thing. You are you, and your marriage is yours, and nobody out there can tell you what is right or wrong. Period. I literally spent two years of my life clinging to every word on those blogs, heaving great sobs of anguish at every negative or hurtful or anti-marriage sentiment. Maybe it wasn’t a waste- I came to realize that I don’t need anyone’s approval or support to live my life. I can enjoy stories from other perspectives, and enjoy company of others, but I don’t need it. At all. Maybe those whose marriages are working don’t feel a need to blog about it because they have discovered what I have finally discovered: that it just isn’t important to get approval or outside influence to succeed.

If you are interested in the wives’ groups, I can let you know what they are. Google Mixed Orientation Marriage, and you will find some resources- good and bad. Just never stop growing, and never stop praying and listening for answers.

3 thoughts on “Jody- in response”

I am still married to my gay husband but I don’t blog anymore as we have found a way to be happy and be together and not with anyone else. I find the blogs can be helpful and depressing at the same time. I am right with you Mandi – I don’t need to explain myself or my marriage or have approval from anyone other than the two of us! Thanks for blogging and making me feel like I am not crazy or alone. I may be miles away but I feel like I have known you for years!

This is a whole new world for me and I’m just on an emotional roller coaster. Today, espeically, I felt like I have been “preparing myself” for when and if my husband left, or when and if I decided to just let him go. I’m contemplating how I will cope and where he will live, what things I will get to keep. It kills me to think that way but I see what you mean by bettering myself FOR myself and not just in case. I go back and forth on everything and the answers are still blurry. I have felt like my faith has been tested to the limits. I guess I’m feeling kind of angry that he won’t tell me flat out that he wants to explore an alternate lifestyle or that he wants to try his best to make this work. Patience. I know. Not one of my strong points. Your wise words have brought me comfort once again. I have started my little blog, http://changeofsummer.blogspot.com/ mostly to vent for now, but hopefully it will start to show my healing process so I can see that my prayers and patience (what little of it there is right now) are paying off. It’s nice to know there are others out there for support. Thank you, so very much.