Southern tourist boy: Mommy! Look at the tops of the tall buildings… It looks like the clouds are standing still and the buildings are moving!Mom: That's because the earth is turning so quickly, sweetie.

Child to father, on a sunny day on the train: Daddy, the train is moving, so how come the sun doesn't move at all?Father, sounding sure of himself: That's cuz the sun moves so fast that it looks like it's not moving at all.

Chick to friend: I've been really committed to learning about Jesus lately. Can you believe how crazy it is that Jesus was in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights? I mean, like, no food or water for that long? Crazy! I mean, I never even realized how crazy it was until I saw David Blaine do it.

–R Train

Dreaded hobo, evangelizing: You gotta be able to suck dick to accept the love of Jesus Christ!

–40th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: melissa

Dude: It's not gay if it's Jesus!

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ladle

Fat Christian evangelist to another: Jesus had the computer technology to manipulate the atoms of water. That's why he could walk over the waves. That's how we convince the atheists.

–Union Square

Overheard by: smoking on the stoop

Hipster on cell: My aunt got a promotion at work. She's a big deal. If this were the bible, she would be Jesus' nephew.