Wednesday, 27 May 2015

If Bieber can wear it, so can I

I was arrested by this siren-red thing drooping on the $5 rail as I did my regular thrift shop walk-by. What was it? Jammies? Undies? For exercise? For seduction? It was constructed well, but I finally bought it because it said The Norwegian Original and I have always admired Scandinavian countries.

It turns out this onesie by OnePiece is high-flyin' celeb style and this Slim Fit like mine retails for $149. The OnePiece site features countless photos of young music/film/TV stars wearing them (here), including Justin Bieber in a red one. Well, if he can wear one, so can I.

Of course, Bieber is fly, he's down.* I'm down and I can be a fly in training, which would make me, um, a maggot. Moving right along.

A winning feature of this garment is you can zip it right up over your face. Boo-yeeah! Think of all those bad hair days, zip and gone! The company is clearly missing a vital marketing opportunity in the middle-aged tween group of women who are maladjusted and will go to any lengths to conceal the signs of aging.

My fear of using the tripod in Stanley Park for this self-timer photo was I'd zip this onesie shut and not be able to unzip it. By the time I would have gnawed by way through the cotton, not only would my camera and tripod be gone, but I'd be surrounded by hoards of tourists filming the Canadian wildlife, which would be absurd - I'm only still a maggot.

I chose the park for these photos because I liked the quivering contrast between the urban street punk and tranquillity vibe, and between the red and green. (And in case I got lost - I'd be easier to find.)

My rating of this OnePiece? Tip-top. It was comfortable, except for a slight diaper-walk effect from the dropped crotch. There was a convenient bottom-up zip for emergencies - of what nature we can only speculate - and handy pockets at crotch level too. Yes. Well.

I think I should be on the celebrity page. I'm almost fly. I'm down, not today particularly because I had fun in the park, but sometimes I am. Please put me on the Celebrity Page.

*I am not a fan of Bieber. I don't even know any of his songs. And this is NOT a sponsored post.

And I went out for lunch with my friend Sharron yesterday and afterwards we took photos. I've featured her before on my street style blog, here and here. This is one of my favourite shots from her iPhone; she encouraged me to post it and I love it, so here it is.

Photo by Sharron Burnard, 2015

I'm wearing the farked jacket from two posts ago with men's sailor pants, chain belt as a necklace, and magic loupe. I'm also wearing new lipstick courtesy of Sharron. THANK YOU! I LOVE IT! The Holt Renfrew woman put it on me professionally and I noticed the difference with my Crayola crayon approach.

And another red thing I saw at the park today:

Finally, a huge thank you to Debbie Iles at Lily Sage & Co. for featuring me on her Friday Showcase on the weekend. She is a wildly talented sewist and I was honoured to be on her blog. And thank you for your very kind, generous comments!

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend. And don't worry. After I become a onesie schtar I won't forget you. I better go practise getting down in the fly way now.

39 comments:

You have an eye for the quality piece Mel! I mean a SCANDINAVIAN ONESIE sported by the stars.... but none wear it with as much star quality as you my dear and yes you should be on the celeb page. I will start the social media campaign forth with #getmelononepiececelebpage #melonesie #melebrity

I love your writing! It's hilarious...I was literally laughing out loud as I read this post. The red onesie looks gorgeous on you...and the fact that it zips all the way makes is strangely awesome and cool:)

The photos are fantastic, the contrast between the red onesie and the forest is a lovely one!

I also really like the photograph your friend took...and the lipstick you're wearing.

Ouch ouch ouch. Sweden (especially small towns, I guess) are invarderad of these. I usually argue that it is the height of laziness to dress in Onepieces, but you look awesome in everything so I might have to announce that I am considering to withdraw my statement. Please don't combine sith theese: http://sv.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crocs

As comfy and fly as it looks on you Melanie, unless that bottom-up zipper goes all the way around to the back, I'm afraid a OnePiece isn't for me. I drink waaaay too much coffee for those kind of manoeuvrings every thirty minutes. LOVE that second photo! :)

Hahaha, these photos made me laugh! I love the thought of your frolicking about in the undergrowth in a baggy-crotched onesie. Bieber wishes he could wear it as well as you! But be careful, getting that zip stuck could be a catastrophe...Love Sharron's photo of you. xxx

I am larf larf larfing! You crack me up, Melanie!The convenient bottom zip - does it help a female use the toilet? Yep that is what this middle aged woman thinks about. Sigh.BTW, you look great in red. Those photos are amazing.

This is hilarious! I love that you bought it because you've always admired Scandinavian countries! Maybe that is how I should shop now.

The zipper is in a bit of a weird spot and directs my eyes *right there*. Maybe that is why Bieber likes it so much.

I've tried on a hoodie that zipped all the way up but had holes for the eyes. It looked like skull when it was zipped as there was a skeleton design was on the outside. I *almost* bought it. I figured it'd be a way to look the skinniest I've ever been. LOL

That shot with your leg out from behind the tree reminded me of Where The Wild Things Are.

That bottom photo needs to be on a tween magazine cover. The lippy looks GREAT! Is it only at Holt's?

Stanley Park has never been so adorned! You are one spunky maggot. I love that you went home and researched this piece. I almost bought a sock monkey onsie from the Salvation Army last week. When you see a one piece in an adult size it's just so tempting. I'm sure it's completely comfortable too.

You are a goddess among maggots and no doubt you are THE Goddess of Stanly Park. A good replacement for the poor demented polar bears of my childhood. You are a goddess in a onesie and Bieber is NOT that. Also, you were made to wear red lips. Imagine for a moment how unlike you I look and then understand that in my head I thought I looked just like you. Now you know why I was so confused about dressing myself and why I kept getting my hair cropped. Onesies, are not made tall enough for me though so I would have camel toe instead of diaper droop.Swooning over the perfection of red with a green tree backdrop.xoxoxo

Hahahaha! I desperately needed this chuckle today - and I'm going to raise you on the red, to a glass of red wine to celebrate, both your amazing onesie, and the not-so-new house that we closed on today. It's been a stressful week of trying to get two banks from different countries to communicate with each other (both English speaking too mind you - perhaps Norwegian would have helped...).

The zipper pulls that are concentrated in the crotch area are rather eye-catching - aside from the crotch droop, I rather like this. I have a pair of red long underwear - if we both wore our red onsies, we could be Tween Thing One and Tween Thing Two! There are probably people who live near Stanley Park telling their friends that they saw a strange red creature frolicking in the forest.

OOOOOOOOOOO, that photo that Sharon took of you is the mostest, bestest, coolest ever. Now if that show was on the cover of a magazine I'd buy it for sure.

Definitely Original - just like You are! Great photos in the woods, such a contrast creates a wonderfully surreal feeling. Loved the portrait (and your friend Sharron is a unique individual indeed!). You are such a fantastic artist and writer, Melanie! Hugses! xxxxx

When I was in Stanley Park many moons ago, I never saw any red onesied maggots at all!Thanks for rectifying that today. I am content. Ahhh!Why use such big zip pulls? These and other questions will be answered!...one day.Just gorgeous!!!!!xo Jazzy Jack

Ha! love it all! the bad hair day zipped up onesie to conceal ageing is hilarious, could I put a hair piece on top though? nope, that would just ruin all of the fly elements required for beebs super coolness level - I clearly have been wearing my onesie wrong, it doesn't even have a facial zip and is terrifyingly too small, I'm not even a maggot *pah* LOVE all pics of you, and Sharron took a beautiful shot of you, that jacket, that lipstick, that pose, those eyes, divine x x x

I could hardly wait for the post to open. i had to laugh from the moment that red onesie started to show in my mail. Whahaha.... that gave me a good laugh. Like Suzanne I was immediately drawn to the middle zipper and the crotch. I thought you had had an operation and now were a man. There was definitely something showing there.At Kingsday 2014 somebody tried to sell me a onesie. And I said : "never, ever"! But here you are making it ever so fashionable. Well.. no still "no thank you". But also thank you for making me laugh. Glad you were not arrested.The tartan jacket is still awesome. The lipstick is exactly the same colour I think.Greetje

Oh sweetie. Jumpsuit in the park!! You have the best eye for finding treasures, this one included. However, it makes me a little uncomfortable, having had a very unfortunate experience in a four seater airplane and a denim jumpsuit back in the 70's. But you have that special zipper!!! If only I'd had that or the wisdom to realize there was no restroom on the plane. Glad I'm older and wiser now. No little airplanes!!! Or jumpsuits.

Glad you and the inimitable Sharon have been hanging out. I like the pic and the lipstick. I like you. XXOO

Living in Scandinavia I face all sorts of people in onesies every day - not one of them has worn it as well as you do! However, it is a "difficult" item to wear, and I have to admit I much prefer you in the tartan treasure!

Anyway, the forrest does have a Scandinavian feel, so a very appropriate place to wear your onesie. Just for fun, yo could try and pair with UGGs, like a few girls in Denmark do...