KIRKUS REVIEW

A debut guide offers safe and effective dating
strategies for the single woman.

In this highly modern take on
female singlehood, Goldstein, a well-known Australian doctor of human
sexuality who also has a background in family mediation, asks her readers to
examine their own histories, desires, and motives as they embrace the “single
but dating” lifestyle. As a not traditionally “paired” but sexually active
woman, the author noticed that the “single” designation often seemed to elicit
pity or shame, but none of the other options (in Facebook parlance, In a
Relationship, Married, or It’s Complicated) applied either. She presents the
term SBD as shorthand for a lifestyle in which a woman is actively engaged in
relationships with the opposite sex. This can include sexual encounters that
are extremely casual as well as others that move more slowly and/or have more
emotional involvement. Goldstein speaks from experience. Beyond her doctorate
and family mediation career, she also personally explored the SBD life and her
own perspectives on it, ultimately undergoing important growth and finding a
long-term, fulfilling relationship. The book conveys the convincing message
that SBD women will do well to seek true self-confidence by understanding their
own conditioning, wants, and needs and by learning how to communicate honestly
and adroitly with potential or actual partners. This frank and detailed guide
succeeds at delivering a balanced discussion of many relationship types, sexual
pleasures, and common-sense cautions. A diverse array of often skirted topics—such
as sexually transmitted diseases, masturbation, pregnancy risk, egg freezing,
and sexual fantasies—is deftly handled alongside considerations of how to
communicate meaningfully, avoid dangerous personality types, move on after a breakup,
and recognize the readiness for a serious relationship. The first several
chapters provide useful exercises in self-exploration, such as jotting down
“shoulds” and “should nots” of dating and identifying external sources of these
expectations (for example, family, friends, or media). Social media and
communication via texting and even sexting, realities of today’s dating scene,
are covered skillfully and extensively as well.

Savvy, contemporary, and worthwhile
advice on the many facets of the dating life for women.

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