The Bright Side to Shit That Sucks

At least we still have the other one

So I turned on my computer this morning, went to CNN.com and discovered that my 4th favorite Corey – Corey Haim – passed away last night. (In my book he ranks behind Corey Feldman, former Cleveland Indian Cory Snyder and former PM of the Philippines Cory Aquino). Of course, none of us should be surprised by Haim’s passing– celebrities with drug addiction have a limited shelf life. The fact that a 38-year old man who hasn’t been famous in about 20 years ODed, died in ignominy and that this made frontpage news is more surprising – Andy Warhol would be psyched. Apparently in the 21st century our 15 minutes gets put on repeat.

Now, I was never all that into the Two Corey’s. This is mostly because I’m a dude – but I get that all the single ladies in the late 80’s had the Corey Haim posters up on their walls next to their posters of John Stamos, Corin Nemic and Kip Winger. And Lucas was a pretty awesome movie, although I was more into it because of Winona Ryder (I really wish she was still doing movies… she never quite got over that Johnny Depp break up, I think. Nice Jewish girl.)

Corey Feldman will always be the superior member of that particular duet in my eyes. He was rough and tumble – a bad boy. He could have been the ugly kid in any number of boy bands (Donny Wahlberg, Chris Kirkpatrick – I’m looking at you). Plus, the man was in Goonies – maybe THE coming of age classic of my generation. This, along with a little film I like to call Meatballs 3, puts Corey F way over the top.

At least one of these people is much hotter now.

But Corey Haim certainly had his appeal. He was the male version of Alyssa Milano – all the girls had crushes on him (Oddly enough, the two used to date). Needless to say their careers have gone in different directions – while Corey Haim developed an addiction, Alyssa Milano developed awesome boobies. Would License to Drive 2 have been a success if Corey Haim had smokin’ man tits? It’s a question to which we’ll never have an answer.

Speaking of boobs – Mr. Haim’s passing should prove to be a cautionary tale for one Lindsay Lohan. It’s a familiar path, no? Both had early success in film, and then sank into a world of partying and addiction – resurfacing occasionally with the direct to video production or tabloid headline. Her lawsuit against E-trade is ridiculous, right? How did she even find a lawyer to represent her?

I hope for all of our sakes that Lindsay is able to get control of her life so she doesn’t wind up in the same desperate straits as Corey – at least long enough for her to start what will undoubtedly be a stellar porn career.