Girl trouble (s-dawg, you said you'd be willing to talk. Please do so, :D)

So... I think it's obvious why I made this thread. If you'd like some background, search back a few pages for Conflicted. Anyway, on to the problem. This is basically everything that's happened since November, so be prepared. Also, if you ever begin to consider my actions selfish and inconsiderate, I'd like you to know that I'm not so sure on them either.

So, Girl 1 is, like... it's really weird. Totally strange, in fact. So, I don't think most of you guys know what the WKCE is, so I'll tell you: it's a state-standardized test that the entire 8th grade has to take for two days straight, and it's just terrible. There's a super-long recess and whatever, but still. Anyway, that's beside the point. During it, I gave my friend a note to give to Girl 1. He did so. I thought it might prompt her to tell me what was wrong, talk it out, maybe more... but nope. She basically just shunned me harder. Meaning she refused to speak to me at all, only occasionally looked at me, and quasi-recently started looking at the backs of bookshelves, throwing herself into random conversations, etc. when we pass in the hall.

I tried to do something or other about it on the 14th, when I was at school for parent-teacher conferences and she was there for some FCE dinner project. I came up to her at her locker, "gave her a kiss," which she graciously accepted, asked her how she'd been, and inquired as to why she didn't talk to me at all, not in person, not over e-mail, nothing. I'm pretty sure she just said, "Cuz."

I asked if I could maybe call her that weekend to talk, and she said, "No. I don't wanna talk over the phone." Meaning in person. I asked, "Then... when?" and she said, "I don't know." Then we parted ways.

She shunned me a bit more for a while, but recently she's starting to gaze my way. We've made eye contact numerous times over these few weeks. On Friday in Gym, we held gazes for two seconds before she turned around and shook her head. And I'm just thinking, "Oh, what in the world now?! Is there something wrong with my eyebrows or something? COME ON." So yeah, she's just being annoying. I thought she wanted to talk. It's been quite a while now; almost a month since she said she wanted to. It's just... ugh. Whatever. Now, on to Girl 2.

I'm honestly not sure what to do about her. I liked her well enough for about two months, and then my interest just... waned. She's a great girl; I just don't really think she's the one for me... you know? I want to tell her something, but I can't make myself. On the one hand, it's not like I really owe her anything. The farthest we ever got was holding hands during Pacific Rim. It wasn't even technically a date. Plus, my mom told me not to restrict my options to Girl 1 until I get some solid information. I found that a bit... controversial, but, um, mother knows best, right? She's done this stuff before, after all. On the other, however, I don't want to keep leading her on. I boycotted all intentional flirtation, and told her so, but... ugh! It's obviously not enough. My plan, since I do still kind of like her and maybe my interest will return (not likely since she's basically a gigantic bu.tt), is to wait until I get something for sure from Girl 1, and if she does like me, I'm going to say something along the lines of, "Something's happening with Girl 1, and I just thought I should let you know. I'm sorry, but it's not going to work out."

What do you guys all think of this? I'd love to know. S-dawg, I'd especially like to here from you; you said you'd help me out if I needed it, I definitely need it, and your advice is great.

Well honestly I think you should just let Girl 2 go. It sounds like Girl 2 likes you but might be too shy to just outright say so. And since you obviously still like Girl 1 (though I don't understand why you do because it sounds like she doesn't treat you very well), you should just let Girl 2 go because it's really not fair for you to kind of keep her around until your interest in her comes back when she could be off finding someone that might be as crazy about her as you are with Girl 1.

Yeah... And I still like Girl 1 because we had a truly spectacular time together last year. We talked and laughed about basically everything, and there was a chance that we could've hung out, maybe have gotten together, over the summer, if she wasn't always "busy." I think she was too shy. Anyway, I'm not willing to give up on her yet. I think about it and I realize that she's acting sorta blech, but I can't really stop it. Besides, I know for a fact that she liked me a whole lot last year... if only I'd known.

In addition, believe me, Girl 2 likes me a LOT. She's as crazy about me as I am about Girl 1, which is rather unfortunate. But she's a bu.tt, so I have quite a hard time reciprocating. Anyway, thanks for your advice; it helped a whole bunch. Wonderful tips. Bye!

I just... I'm a creep, I guess. Girl 1 probably hates me and now I think she's going to be sitting next to me in French. She might not, since I told the teacher to put her wherever, but the most logical spot is to my right. It's going to really suck. But, you see... that really hurt. I tried so hard not to be, to give her the space she needed, and yes, I suppose it was weird that I went to her choir concert, but it wasn't just for her! THAT would've been creepy. My friend was there for extra credit, and so I figured I should go to mess around and get some myself just in case I screw up, and there was food, something I was lacking inside me. The fact that she was there happened to be a gigantic bonus.

The worst part, though, is that she didn't even have the guts to say it herself; she sent a messenger. I really wanted to scream at her, sitting there ten feet away, refusing to look my way. If she's going to say something like that, something that terribly offensive, she should say it to my face. And I don't like Girl 2... so I really don't know anymore. I think it'd be best if I just forgot about it all. What do you guys think?

well this is a bit of a pickle now isint it? to start off i changed my name to my real full name and i plan on going back to my nickname here soon. anyway onto your problem now. if you are still slightly into girl two then i say try to get to know her better and then whenever girl one is willing to talk to you on her terms then talk to her. then if you have the issue of both girls liking you, you need to take a step back breathe and take time to think about the positive and negative aspects of both the girls. take as much time as you need to with this. then when you are ready to make the choice and commitment to one of the girls pull them both aside at different times let them each know how you feel about them and what your choice is then say sorry it did not work well to the girl you turn down. and if the girl you chose does not want you or to be with you then you be brave say okay and try to go back to the other girl and if that does not work then maybe you need to take a brake or try to get together with another girl that is in no way conected to girl one and or girl two.
i know it may seem liike i know a lot but i dont feel right givening such swell advice when i have only been in two relationships my first one did not end up so well. but i have seen things like this happen in relationships around me and in a way i learned from others mistakes and i guess that is where i get my knowledge of these kind of issues.
anyway nickme2.0 feel free to look me up on facebook that way you can message me if you need any help whatsoever. name for facebook is serra

Thanks so much yet again. You're great. I'll definitely try to do as you said. One last thing, though: how do I work up the courage to do that? I mean, really, now. Perhaps I'm just shier (sp) than most guys, but I find the concept kind of terrifying. Do you have any ideas on how that problem can be fixed? Because you know you need some help when your mother snickers at you for it.

And also, yeah, there might be another girl or two that I'm not quite sure what they think about me or me about them, so I'll look into that as well... though perhaps I should defuse this situation first.

I think you need to get your, pardon my french, but you need to get your s*** together. Tell girl two you need space and need to figure things out. do not, and i repeat, do NOT lead her on. She'll just hurt worse when you figure out you want to date girl one. Girl one is probably ignorig you because your flirting with her when your 'with' another girl. I'd be pissed if it was me. Just saying......

it is best to defuse your current situation first before looking into the other girls and as fo rvervousness maybe talking to me more would help? i mean i am a girl after all an i actually have helped some of my best friends that are guys get the girl that they like to go out with them. but please nickm2.0 look me up on facebook we can talk better there or you could email me to i am here and willing to help in anyway that i can. again my name on facebook is serra pax look me up and i can give you my email there

some girls like guys that are shy in a way i do seeing as how the guy i am dating is shy so anyway please do look me up i can give you a lot mor advise a lot easier than i could on here because i have trouble with teen ink working proporly on my computer at home. as of right now i am on at school

Okay, two things: 1) I'm not 'with' anyone; and 2) I wouldn't call it flirting... I haven't spoken more than seven words to her in the last two weeks. The most we've done is hold eye contact for three seconds on the stairs. And she's got a whole bunch of stressful life stuff going on (supposedly; I think at this point she's only sad because she chooses to be sad). Don't assume. And I don't appreciate the tone that I'm imagining.

Besides that, I know. I really do. I'm trying to figure out how to word it. Thank you.

You know, I actually did it. And she took it way better than I expected. She wants to keep talking and being friends and everything! Thank you, .AMB., for being so blunt. I don't think I would've done anything had it not been for you. Still don't like your tone, though. :P

Ya kinda weird that you were imagining the tone I was giving. LOL but all I was saying was my opinoin as if it was me and, it i read right, I am the reason you two are 'friends' now. Again kinda weird, but it's your life. And hey. Im a blunt person. But that's the reason people love me. ;)

Ha, well, you know, sometimes nice doesn't cut it. Just cuz I'm not fond of the imagined tone doesn't mean she didn't give good advice. There come times when you need a figurative kick in the pants to help you do what you need to do. So she's not exactly entirely okay with it, it turns out. She's sort of hurt, understandably. But if I hadn't said anything at all, she'd never want to speak to me again. So that's all done now... The only problem I have now is with Girl One. But I think I'll work that all out... Maybe tomorrow. Blech. Thank you all so much for the help you've given me so far. I can finally relax, if only a bit.

I know this is kind of old at this point, but I feel as though it needs to be resurrected. It actually needed to be resurrected at approximately 6 PM, December 31. Anyway, on to the story, as usual.

(Note: Girl 2 can pi.ss off, and I'm glad to say she has. I'm tired of her and all her cr.ap at this point. Moving on.) So, on New Year's Eve, at roughly 5:30 PM, I called Girl 1. It took convincing from two sources, one using profanity and the other logic, to get me to do it, but what's important is that I did it. After all, it was New Year's Eve. What've I got to lose?

So, she actually picked up. Which is spectacular, since no one had since mid-December. Well, her mother did, but she quickly redirected it to her wonderful daughter. There was some other stuff, but there are two main things she said that I'd like to talk about. The first: there was a misunderstanding earlier in the year where I was told that she thought I was a creep. I brought this up, and she said that wasn't the case. She told the messenger to tell me that if I'd gone to her choir concert just for her, then yes, that was creepy. But it wasn't. So yay.

Anyway, after this, I asked her what she did think of me, and she said, in a very strange and unnaturally happy (for this conversation, at least) voice, these exact words: "Um, I don't know! I don't just go around saying, 'oh, I think this about this person, and oh, I think that about that person!'" I was satisfied with the answer for the moment, but I was likely still in a state of euphoria over the fact that she'd actually answered me. I now realize that was a complete terrible answer; we've known each other for more than a year, and almost one and a half school years; there is absolutely no way she could possibly just... not have an opinion ib me at this point. She was dodging the question... why?

Second point: I asked her if we could actually, you know, communicate in school and over the phone again, and she said something like this: "I don't know. *Dramatic pause* I know you think I've been distant lately, but I'm just going through some really stressful stuff right now, and I just need some space." I was satisfied with that one, too, but now not so much. The event in question, which I'd accidentally learned about (overhearing and actually being flat-out told, which was probably very foolish on the teller's part) months ago, happened near the beginning of September, but that's not what really bugs me. She is completely fine with everyone else, and has been since almost the very beginning of the year. She talks and smiles her smile and laughs her laugh and it's hard not to get annoyed. Why me? Why does she talk to everyone else but me? Why does she laugh at everyone's jokes but the ones made by me? It's rather ridiculous.

These two answers could both mean several things, but I'd like you guys' opinions on it. What does it all mean? How do you think she feels about me, really? Keep in mind that her feelings did flucuate quite a lot last year, and we came very close to hanging out over the summer.

well this is something now aint it? maybe something happened in her family or home life and you remind her of what happend so maybe she aint ready to go back to talking to you as much just yet? i know that is kinda mean i think but maybe thats the issue there? or maybe she is having troubole grasping what she feels maybe you should hang with you guy friends forget about her for a bit talk to different girls and try switching styles maybe if she was a girl who like all girl things then try talking to girls like me tomboys not saying that you should talk to me well we kinda do but thats besides the point talk to girls like me give her the space and time she needs then when she is ready she will approach you

sierra, your awesome!! just had to say that ;) i cant get on facebook anymore, but if you want to talk here we can. how bout that superbowl!! i feel bad for manning. i lost my bet that the broncos would win, so i now have my ears pierced -_- never take a bet that will hurt so much!! gosh, my friend did it with a tack. it hurts like a son of a...gun ;) anyway, im glad for all the tim you were there for me s-dawg. love ya!!