J. Cole

Am I the only person in the world who can’t connect with people in any fashion? It sure feels that way, when an old friend drops me like a hot rock. Did I mention hot rock?

The details don’t need to be said, however it’s not the first time. It is the last time though. This is me coming to grips with the ending of that unsupportive, destructive, and self-serving acquaintance. Ten years was way too long to deal with that nonsense. Whom will also never see this I might mention (cue unsupportive and self-serving music).

I do feel a little better now, just throwing the idea to the ethers of the internet. It’s not the same as actually saying it to the person, who won’t hear it (doesn’t, refuses). Apparently I’m the only one who puts actual emotion into a friendship. Hell, maybe she will see it one day, if you do, then you know who you are and thanks. (o.o) 1-0

Well day two is here and I have kind of already done it. The mantra for this day is “I am committed.” Holding myself accountable to this 30-day thing is the goal, and I have already met it, so to speak. It says to announce it on a public platform, bring in a friend, set some stakes, or adapt my morning routine. I think I’ll stick to stating it to the ethers.

Basically it’s about journaling about myself, and sticking to my guns. Tough.

Journal prompt: Committing to this 30-day journal is important to me because…

I have always had commitment issues, even committing to myself. I despise looking inside myself, because I’m really not that great (or so I feel). No one likes to find out about themselves, they’re scared they might learn something. (o.o)

I’ve been away for lengthy period of time, due to some feels that I needed to work on. I decided to try some goofy internet thing called “Intention Inspired”. The first day was to be brave and inspired.

Today’s brave act was to choose an object to associate with this newfound brave. So that any time you saw it, used it, you would feel the brave that you’re trying to cultivate. I chose my computer because I seem to be having an issue with writer’s block, mainly due to the fact that it’s really hard to write when you’re completely uninspired.(run on sentence)

I can only hope that this will aid me in finding my writing mojo, I know it’s there. I just have to find it. The second part of this days work, was to recite the mantra that was given. Which just so happened to be “I am inspired”, that is mildly coincidental and expected. I managed to eek out some sun salutations and repeat the mantra to myself during savasana, and I’m surprised to say that I think it helped.

I found the courage to write this, and I consider that progress. (o.o)

I finally planted my beloved sweet potatoes and yams tonight. Last year was the worst harvest as far as sweet potatoes go, that I have ever had. I had planted a set of them early, as usual, and the weather changed to 90’s and dry within a week. Considering this was around derby time, just like now, I’m a little worried.

The weather changes so much around here. Rain one day and blistering heat the next. You could say this is me taking it slow. I tried and failed to start my summer squash early, again. I think a chicken got to them, little turds. Despite that: my cucumbers, yellow watermelons, and two types of tomatoes are doing swimmingly.

I have also started: mint, lavender, rosemary, and dill. But no promises there, me and herbs have never agreed on anything. Speaking of companion plants, my nasturtiums had a 95% start rate, soooo about 135-140 plants. Take that squash bugs. I also have a few petunias grasping onto the last tendrils of life, so who knows.

Overall things are going pretty good garden wise, if only garden wise.

In the past couple of years I have taken an interest in my regional wrestling circuit, the one I didn’t know existed until two years ago. Go figure. Apparently it’s “famous”. It gives me a giggle to keep up on the story lines and people. I think I might start a running tab on all the drama that goes on there.

Every year I burst out into the sun like it doesn’t exist, and every year I get an awful sunburn that I regret for a week. I can’t really explain why I don’t ever put on a hat, especially when I know what’s going to happen. (I have a point and I’m getting pretty close to it.)

I’m the same way with people to a degree. I don’t mind talking to them, or being around them; but as soon as things get personal in any fashion, I run for the hills.(kind of like that sentence) However, I always know what’s going to happen. I will foresee some kind of mid-relationship crisis, and turn into the ultimate douche canoe to make them go away. It works every time, oddly enough. Turns out people don’t like being treated like crap.

But, that’s not really the point either, is it? It’s a problem in me, that’s the obvious thing. The not-so-obvious thing is what is the issue? So, that’s like in a nutshell I guess.

It turns out that writing is tough. Especially for money, on a deadline, and while trying to impress people. Note to self, when you’re first starting out it sucks. I need experience, to get experience (money). Insecurities are creeping in, fast. Good thing I don’t “need” the money to survive, I might freak out if I did. Not to mention I take criticism personally (working on it).

The hardest part may be trying to get hired that first time. Building a portfolio I can be proud of, and thereby get more work. All while nursing my little plants to fill some bellies.

Every year my garden is attacked by bugs, like WWII. There is rarely a survivor among them. So, because of this I’m trying my hand at companion farming.

Companion farming is known by most people through their elementary education. Native Americans were/are well-known for their innovative farming, known as three sisters gardening. The whole principle is based around the three plants helping each other to flourish. Corn, pole beans, and squash are the three vegetables used in this method.

The pole beans impart nitrogen into the ground, for the corn to use, while simultaneously using the corn as a trellis. The squash helps keep the weeds down with extensive shading, making it much easier to care for the garden space. They were typically planted on hills, but I have never had much success with hills.

I’m taking it one step further and trying to add in new flowers, herbs, and vegetables around my more treasured plants. I did some research and found a pretty large pool of information on the subject. Particularly keeping squash bugs at bay, which has been my life’s mission (and occasional failure) for many years now. Even one day of missing some eggs can ruin a crop.

The common thread I saw in all of my research was that the nasturtium plant was, hands down, the best to keep away squash bugs. That alone will make me jump for joy, but it isn’t the end of the struggle. Last year I saw the addition of a flying moth that’s larvae invades the inside of the stem of many melons and squash plants. Cementing an awful harvest last fall.

This lead to discovering that possibly radishes will help distract them. Many folks have had good results, so maybe I can too. Worth a shot right? I found even more good companions, for things like broccoli, lettuce, and tomatoes. But I think I’ll save that for another post, just to keep things chill.

I don’t think I have ever met a writer, no matter the medium, who didn’t have a novel/book in the works. Especially ones who identify as part-time, on the side, I’ll never be published type.

I have always leaned toward the science-fiction genre, as you can see. In fact my favorite book as a kid was

Horrifying, right?

I’ll mention that a lot of sci-fi erotica showed up when I looked for that.

So, you can probably guess the gist of my own novel, right? Three tries. Alien abduction? Nope, killer aliens master race. I hear a best seller right there. However, I won’t bore anyone with a lengthy synopsis, but there’s a lot of killer aliens in it; and a smattering of abductions. For what is an alien novel without some good ol’ abductions.

It seems almost impossible to create any new ideas, everyone hacks off of every one else because all the cool stuff has been thought of. Damn that Tolkien and his lovely ideas.

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