Monday, March 22, 2010

He passed in summer of 07 of rat poisoning that he licked off the ground :/ It was a sad way to go...he died vomiting up blood. And I lost my best friend, my only friend ._.

He was my only friend throughout all those years, since I was always bullied at school and people who I considered friends weren't really my friends. Gizmo was the only friend I had ._.

always there when I got home, always with me, always kind to me.

I'm sure some of you are thinking "oh c'mon Alex, it's just a dog"

Well he wasn't 'just a dog' he was a friend, my best friend. I always played with him, and he was always there with me. And he was here for so long, now he's just gone.

I know it's been a few years already but now's when I realized just how much I miss him.

He was such a great dog, so kind and quiet, only barked when he suspected something was wrong and he would play soccer with me in the backyard, layed next to me in the kitchen while I did homework, layed in bed with me watching tv...

He was a big part of my life I can say, and I just miss him so much.

Today I finally broke down and cried for him, I haven't cried for him since the day my dad told me he was gone. It hurts so much ya know T_T

losing such a great friend, my buddy, coming home to him, I miss that so much. and he's gone, and now I feel lonely without him. I loved him so much, oh gosh, can't stop crying.

I just hope he rests in peace ._. and I hope he's happy wherever he is, and I hope he knows I loved him so much.

I hope I can see him again in another life ._. because man, that dog, he was my best friend in the world. and man I love him. Love him so goddamn much.

You may be gone, and not here to bring back the ball, but your love still floats around it and always will. You'll always be my play pal, my buddy, my best friend for life. I love you.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

was annoying the shit outta me, cuz I go on there and then there's no one I can speak with, and I need to speak with my friends D: I get lonely x.x

and I wish a group of friends of mine were the way we were when I first met them :/ that would be Ashley, Vince, Myriam, Kate, Haiden, maybe some other ones but those are the main. and well there's an issue between vince and myriam, and now possibly ashley too cuz we basically dont all talk together the way we used to.

and it's so stupid. myriam is a diff story though -.- cuz she likes being stupid.

but the others, its like we barely talk now :/ way we used to.

like before me n ash got rly close and became friends soon as we met x.x now we never talk, this week i had to msg her first when she was online so we could talk :/ and i feel like now if i dont msg basically she wont bother to msg me cuz she probably doesnt care for me anymore x.x

Friday, March 19, 2010

Thursday, March 18, 2010

It's been a while yes and yes a lot has happened, apologies for all this silence, it's just I'd stare at my blog, want to write, then lose the wanting after a while of staring.

and yes, changed template again xD

needed a change again.

that sounds repeated..

anywayz!

A LOT has happened.

I believe I mentioned my grades in last post?

well yeah, been doing better, slowly.

But at least I'm doing better -thumbs up-

let's see...well got sick this week

tuesday I woke up not feeling so great, but decided I should go to school and try surviving the day.

By the time lunch came I couldn't take it anymore, so went to office with my bud jasmine and called my mom asking her to ask dad to pick me up. My asthma had been acting up over the last weekend cuz of the rain and then I suddenly got a cold, when tuesday came I guess that's when the cold decided to really kick in.

Everyone that came into the office either said I really looked awful and needed to get home, or asked if I was ok because I looked dead.

I was sleeping in all my morning classes, so I knew I needed to get home, I wasn't gonna be able to survive the rest of the day. My sinuses were hurting and I really needed to rest.

I had mentioned to one of the ladies in the office that I'm close with (Susan [haha, she has mama's name xP her AND the principal e.o]) that I had trouble breathing when coming up the stairs in the morning because of my asthma. And she asked if I brought my pump, and I told her no, (I never bring my pump to school, I don't like using it because you can get easily addicted to that) and she told me I have to bring it to school, and get an extra one to keep in my locker.

She also asked if I wanted to go to the nurse so they can use a neutralizer (if I remember correctly that's what it's called?) to help check my breathing and all that junk. At the time I didn't know what it was, and said I'll just wait for my dad to come.

So she let me wait there while eating my lunch with Jasmine and talking, then 5th period came so Jasmine had to go, bid me farewell and gave me a hug, hoping for me to get better.

I wait all the way till the beginning of 6th period for my dad to finally call the office telling them he's downstairs. Susan took came down with me in the elevator and she said when it comes to asthmatics getting sick they need to be very careful because it's more risky for them, and she said she understands because her husband happens to have asthma as well. So she said I NEED to bring my pump cause being without it is dangerous, cause we never know what may happen.

So I agreed, she spoke with my dad for a bit, he signed me out of school, and she said if I needed to be home longer that she can send home my work. I never called though...

Today I feel a bit better, my breathing is a bit better, my sinuses don't hurt. Still can't breathe through my nose properly though, and from blowing it so much it's cut from the tissues I have.

so it hurts when I touch it in certain spots. Still got the cough, my throat hurts only a bit at times. haven't been eating much cause I get nauseous after taking a few bites of food, or even drinking certain things. Today I ate a bit more though, half a sandwich, and drank like half the coffee dad bought me, but the coffee and sandwich got my stomach feeling nauseous after a while so I started drinking my iced tea and it made me feel better.

I'm probably gonna ask dad to buy me more iced tea later xD

Idk if I'm going to school tomorrow, but I might have to. It's only half-a-day tomorrow, so I'll only be there until lunch time, which end at like 11:09 am.

...-blows nose in tissue-

my garbage is almost full again with these...xD

also, been thinking about Mikee again...I still miss her, it's hard to let go cause this was the real ending. I'm trying to move on, talking to people to keep her off my mind but sometimes the image comes back when I listen to certain songs..

I had a lot planned with her, and now it's gone. Now I feel like I don't know what my future is gonna be. I mean, I'll still be aiming for all the stuff I wanna do when out of college, but all the rest is a blur...