Rumors of the Goldblum/Ford deaths were greatly exaggerated, David Gregory throws a hissy over Joe Scarborough, Kate Gosselin sports a bikini in the driveway, Kim Kardashian lusts for Megan Fox and Chris Brown and Rihanna want to touch.

Jeff Goldblum and Harrison Ford are not dead, despite the plethora of rumors that have been floating around on the internet that they were both casualties of The Week America Died. [Daily News]

Joe Scarborough was scheduled to be a guest this Sunday on ABC's "This Week" with George Stephanopoulos, but had to cancel because David Gregory cried like a little schoolgirl because he wanted Scarborough on Meet the Press or something. [Page Six]

Chris Brown has been ordered by the courts to stay at least 50 yards away from Rihanna, but Rihanna and Chris both want the order dropped, probably so they can bone. [Daily News]

The newly single Kate Gosselin wore a bikini in her front yard with the paparazzi around to make Jon eat his freakin' heart out at what he's missing out on! [Daily News]

Kim Kardashian says she has a huge girl crush on Megan Fox, the deformed-thumbed shunner of flower-bearing British children. If I was my boy Reggie Bush, I'd do everything possible to stage an "accidental" run-in between Kim and Megan very soon. [Sun]

Celebrities around the world did what celebrities around the world do when one of their own dies—They Twittered about it endlessly. [Mirror]

Ashlee Simpson is stepping out around New York wearing black leather from head to toe, trying to look all hot for her boy Pete. [Sun]

Kanye West is joining the lineup at a music festival in Britain and fireworks are sure to fly because Oasis is playing their too and Kanye and Noel Gallagher, both epic pricks, hate each other. [Mirror]

Leonardo DiCaprio's ex, Bar Refaeli, is the new face of Garnier Fructis products, which she claims to have been using personally for years. For some reason we doubt that. [Just Jared]