Never ask a single person if they’re “seeing anyone special,” an unemployed person if they’ve found a job, or a married couple when they’re planning to have children. You’re not making conversation. You’re starting someone on the road to Prozac.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Rest in Peace my beloved Tok Yang

I lost someone very close and dear to me 4 days ago. My grandmother or Tok Yang as I fondly called her had passed away on Monday the 27th October at the age of 76. She wasn’t sick or anything like that. In fact she looked really healthy when we had our family gathering the day before. She was eating and laughing. No one would have thought that she would leave us all so suddenly like this. Even my grandfather was in a state of denial for a while. He couldn’t believe that his beloved wife had passed on before him. She and Tok Ayah had been married for 60 over years and they have 13 children of which my mother was the eldest.

My Tok Ayah looked so lost after the funeral. He was crying all the time. Sometimes he forgets that his wife had died. He would asked one of us to ask Tok Yang whether dah masuk belum waktu Zohor/Asar/Magrib/Isya’. He depended on her for everything. I don’t know how life would be like for him after this. My Tok Yang was a very strong woman. She was the one who took care of Tok Ayah, bathed him, cooked for him and was his companion.

My Tok Yang had a heart problem but we didn’t think that was the cause of her demise. On the morning of the 27th, around 2 a.m. she woke up and told my aunt that she was hungry. So my aunt fed her quaker oats. She was purging for a bit and had difficulty breathing. My aunt had telephoned my mom to ask her to come over to the house so they could take Tok Yang to the hospital but it was too late. By the time my aunt had gone into the room to ask her to get ready, she had stopped breathing. She looked so peaceful and serene.

You know how sometimes when people know they are going to die they would do or say things out of the ordinary? My Tok Yang told her children that this year was the best raya she ever had because all her children and grandchildren went back to Sg Petani to celebrate raya with her and that this year would probably be her last raya. But of course no one wants to hear things like that so they told her, “Jangan merepek la Mak” and they believed that she was going to live forever or at least for a few more years. I mean no one wants to think that their mother is going to leave them right?

My Tok Yang loved her jewelleries especially gold. Most old women do I think. But my Tok Yang told my mom that she was going to return the gold necklace that my aunt bought for her as a raya gift because she felt that she had no use for them anymore. We ignored the sign.

My Tok Yang loved her garden and her fish pond. Whenever she was supposed to come to KL for a check-up, she would remind my uncle who lives nearby to come to her house everyday to water her plants and feed her fish while she was away. She would remind my uncle a million times and would call him everyday to remind him. She would do this everytime without fail. My uncle told us that the day before she was supposed to leave for KL, she didn’t even call and ask my uncle to look after her garden. My uncle said that it was like she didn’t even care what happened to her garden while she was gone. Again, we ignored the sign.

None of us had a chance to say goodbye to Tok Yang. But one thing I know for sure is that she knew we all loved her very much. She was the glue that stuck everyone together. And now she is gone forever.

Al-Fatihah to my Tok Yang. Tok Yang, we love you and we are going to miss you so much.

Innalillah & Al-Fatihah. Could it be that she was allergic to oats or something in the Quaker Oats? Anyway, dah ajal kan? At least she dah 'selamat'. Kita yg tinggal ni belum tentu lagi how we'd die.

So who will take care of your Tok Ayah now? Time2 macam ni, it's best that he's not left in his own & is surrounded by people all the time. So that he can cope better. Duduk sorang2 nanti boleh sasau 'cos dok terkenangkan arwah.

Don't we just wanna know if our time is almost up! Not so that we can do so many sins, then have just enough time to repent, but so that... errmmm.. dunno lah, hard to say. That's how I feel..

My aunt also passed away last Ramadhan. She was 60. Sad thing is they didn't have any children. Since my parents were close to them when arwah was around, they still come and visit my uncle, who was (and is) emotionally distraught and depressed.

My late grandma's passing was quite similar. She complained about her tummy and a few minutes later she's gone.

A week before that, she surrendered all her jeweleries to my mom and told her specifically to whom each piece should go to. She also gave away some of her belongings and told everybody that she didn't need them anymore.

Thank you everyone, for all your kind words...My aunt just told me that when my Tok Ayah went back to his house in Sg Petani a few days ago, he didnt step into the house. He stayed outside for about 1 hour and cried. I guess it was very very hard for him to go inside and be reminded of Tok Yang.