Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Why I Became an Atheist: A Satire

I was a Christian all my life, until one day I just got sick and tired of hating everyone, mocking anti-theists, complaining about religious-nones, harassing infidels, burning the Communist Manifesto, banning the Humanist Manifesto, arresting and torturing non-believers, burning down houses and killing the people whose families don't go to church, crucifying atheists, etc. Now that I'm an atheist, I feel so much more happy. My life is filled with peace and love.

All the time, I thought that Marx, Pol Pot and Mao were bad guys, I couldn't have been more wrong! It was all propaganda! That's right! It turns out that Catholic and Lutheran priests secretly stripped off their neck bands, dyed them in the blood of atheists and tied them around their arms and so began the slaughter of atheists. I already knew that though, because I was one of them. I studied Christian Apologetics at Bob Jones University. It was actually while on my mission that I was finally confronted by the evidence for atheism and once and for all confronted about my hideous beliefs.

You see, only a half-baked kook, that's drank the kool-aid for way too long would ever believe that some "one" is required to create some "thing." It's completely irrational to believe that a miracle could possibly ever have happened, just because you thought you saw one. All the good things Christians do, while their not killing people is just to go to heaven. I know it's hard to believe, even after they have sent atheists to work camps, but they really aren't good at heart, it's all just a good show, trying to to climb the stairway to heaven and all.

Atheism is true because Richard Dawkins says it is, and if you need more proof, almost half of the scientists in the world are also atheists. It's practically a scientific consensus! None of the other scientists are really legit, otherwise they would be atheists too. So, you see, atheism is true and Christian so-called intellectuals, scientists and philosophers, are not really very smart. If they were, they would be atheists, because atheism is true. How do I know atheism is true? Because atheists say so! Look, you don't need miracles to explain the universe, all you need is an atheist! I can't put a miracle in a test tube, but I have put atheists on a burning stake. Trust me, atheism is true, Christians are mean, don't be a Christian, be an atheist! You're genes will like you if you do!﻿

Satire: the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues (Google). The above is a satire I wrote while reading some comments on a YouTube video of former atheist and police detective, Jim Wallace, sharing his testimony. All of the atrocities listed above, were actually committed against Christians for their faith. Christians do not need to be afraid or discouraged in the face of ridicule and contempt, we just need to let our roots grow deep in God's grace and stand firm in the faith once delivered to all the saints. The man with an experience is never at the mercy of a man with an argument. We do not love others because they have first loved us. We are followers of Christ and the way of Christ, and we have been touched by his grace!