I think the problem of over-saturation of men on dating sites leads to a problem for all of them. Due to the fact that some women get a lot of messages, they simply do not have time to respond to all messages they receive. This causes men to put less effort into each subsequent message because why bother, right? Which of course turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy and more overall noise scaring women away from online dating. I hate to do it but I frequently hide myself from men altogether on dating sites because of this problem.

On top of that, statistics done by OKCupid show that men more or less all contact the same women. Men seem to have a less subjective view of attractiveness than women do and this causes there to be outliers on both ends of the spectrum of attractiveness (as men seem to perceive it). Women considered very attractive are considered too intimidating and others are considered not attractive enough and both ends get few to no messages, while the ones somewhere in the middle get inundated with them.

This of course becomes an economical problem of massive proportions for men. Not only are there fewer women, but there is also an extremely high demand for the women whom men choose to contact. Many flee without a partner because of the apparent lack of quality men (due to low quality messages, possibly caused by frustration), making the pool of women even smaller and further increasing demand for the few who remain.

Women seem to be more subjective in their perception of attractiveness, with much more focus on both personality and perceived personality (from body language and looks). This works in men's favor if they know how to display their personality well. Note that "more subjective" does not imply complete lack of objective agreement over what constitutes an attractive man, but rather that there seems to be more fluctuation between how attractive women perceive a man to be as compared to the other way around.

This is, of course, a broad generalization but it's based on actual statistics and trends observed by dating sites. It also reflects my own experience.

In short, Fraser (and men in general), perhaps try contacting women you perceive to be "too attractive for you"? You could be their only message for the day. Whatever you do, don't go in with a wholesale attitude no matter whom you contact, but instead cherry pick the women you want to talk to and put proper effort into every one of them. Take a break if you feel you need it, but don't contribute to the spamming women are subject to because it's just bad for everyone involved.

Put time and effort into your profile. From my perspective as a woman and judging by the statistics I have seen, that would be your equivalent of a woman putting effort into her looks and photos. It's your number one asset after sending a message which gets a woman interested enough to go look at your profile.

By the way, personally, I find intelligence to be the most attractive attribute a potential partner can have. I can't speak for all women, but we're definitely out there.

I still wonder if your best bet is still trying to meet people in ways other than online dating sites given the poor odds you have. What do you guys think about that and where else could people meet others?

I think it's especially true for you Fraser if you sound smart. Cause I don't think your intelligence can shine in just an online profile the way it would in person.

I would meet people in person, but I must have the most awkward persona in the world. My success in person is worse than it is on the internet (worse than zero). I never know what to say to people, end up saying the wrong thing without realizing it out of nervousness, then before I know it, i've totally blown any chance I had of any kind of relationship with that person.

I'm tired of feeling so alone, but at the same time, I feel like i'm stuck being the way that I am. I just wish somebody out there could just accept that this is the way I am, instead of expecting me to pretend to be anything different, which I can't do anyway.

The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Fraser_0762 For This Useful Post:

I would meet people in person, but I must have the most awkward persona in the world. My success in person is worse than it is on the internet (worse than zero). I never know what to say to people, end up saying the wrong thing without realizing it out of nervousness, then before I know it, i've totally blown any chance I had of any kind of relationship with that person.

I'm tired of feeling so alone, but at the same time, I feel like i'm stuck being the way that I am. I just wish somebody out there could just accept that this is the way I am, instead of expecting me to pretend to be anything different, which I can't do anyway.

Do you want to cry with me? I'm having a blubber fest. I just got asked by a guy I thought might be interested in me, if I had nice hips/thighs? I would rather get no attention at all! I'm deleting my account.

I would meet people in person, but I must have the most awkward persona in the world. My success in person is worse than it is on the internet (worse than zero). I never know what to say to people, end up saying the wrong thing without realizing it out of nervousness, then before I know it, i've totally blown any chance I had of any kind of relationship with that person.

I'm tired of feeling so alone, but at the same time, I feel like i'm stuck being the way that I am. I just wish somebody out there could just accept that this is the way I am, instead of expecting me to pretend to be anything different, which I can't do anyway.

Same situation with me except I'm certainly less smart than you. I guess technically my odds of anything are even less, probably drastically less even for other reasons. Pointless comparison I know, but maybe if you figure out something that helps, it might help the both of us or vice versa or whatever.

I would meet people in person, but I must have the most awkward persona in the world. My success in person is worse than it is on the internet (worse than zero). I never know what to say to people, end up saying the wrong thing without realizing it out of nervousness, then before I know it, i've totally blown any chance I had of any kind of relationship with that person.

I'm tired of feeling so alone, but at the same time, I feel like i'm stuck being the way that I am. I just wish somebody out there could just accept that this is the way I am, instead of expecting me to pretend to be anything different, which I can't do anyway.

You know you come across so.well online it might actually help if you first chat for a while before meeting. Though I guess chatting with the purpose of meeting in the near future might change the way you chat. There isn't a nice single girl living somewhere in the clouds on addf is there?

You know you come across so.well online it might actually help if you first chat for a while before meeting. Though I guess chatting with the purpose of meeting in the near future might change the way you chat. There isn't a nice single girl living somewhere in the clouds on addf is there?

I don't get a chance to chat though, that's the problem. I get zero responses.

All the girls are nice on ADDF. Just none of them are single, near by or are interested in a schlub like me.

The Following User Says Thank You to Fraser_0762 For This Useful Post: