Imitation Krabs

Narrator: Ah, the Krusty Krab. Home of the Krabby Patty, with its top secret formula, known only to those who are brave enough and intelligent enough to comprehend its culinary complexity. (SpongeBob is balancing a spatula on his nose behind the register) david grant dies

SpongeBob: Look Mr. Krabs. I’m doing it, I’m doing it! recording.

Mr. Krabs: Quit fooling around SpongeBob, we got customers.

Narrator: But wherever there’s a secret recipe, there is someone who wants to steal it. (Plankton laughs evilly while standing in the head of a robot fish. The head falls down)

Plankton: Ouch! (robot’s arm turns into a mirror) And now for the final touch. (puts on a mustache) Perfect! With this disguise, that formula is as good as mine. (laughs then wheels himself into the restaurant)

Fish Robot: Are you SpongeBob SquarePants? (SpongeBob looks in a mirror)

SpongeBob: Why, yes—yes I am. (the fish robot holds up a big check)

Fish Robot: Then you’ve just won one million dollars! (SpongeBob gasps) You just have to answer one question. What is the Krabby Patty secret formula? (SpongeBob inhales) Yes? (SpongeBob inhales more) Yes? (SpongeBob inhales even more) Yes?!

SpongeBob: The Krabby Patty formula is the sole property of the Krusty Krab and is only to be discussed in part or in whole with its creator Mr. Krabs. Duplication of this formula is punishable by law. Restrictions apply, results may vary. (mustache falls off the robot. Plankton crashes through the teeth)

Fish: Man, these patties sure are delicious. I wonder what’s in that secret formula. (siren goes off. SpongeBob slides down the pole from the crow's nest)

SpongeBob: Code twelve, code twelve! (SpongeBob bounces off a trampoline and grabs the customer's head) Your disguises can’t fool me this time, Plankton! (pulls the head off to reveal a smaller head on the customer; everyone gasps)

Fish: Everyone at the head enhancement clinic said nobody would notice! (runs off crying)

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! You’re scaring away me money! keith cate

SpongeBob: Sorry Mr. Krabs, I was just trying to protect the secret formula.

Mr. Krabs: That’s no reason to rip other people’s heads off, boy! Just remember the most important rule.

SpongeBob: No free napkins?

Mr. Krabs: No, the other most important rule. Regarding the secret formula.

SpongeBob: Only discuss the formula with Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: As long as you do that, the secret is safe.

Squidward: I always thought the most important rule was "why do today what you can put off till tomorrow?"(laughs)

Mr. Krabs: What is today, but yesterday’s tomorrow?

Squidward: Huh? (cut to Mr. Krabs and Squidward in a storage room)

Mr. Krabs: Today, I want you to take inventory on everything in here; every last pickle and patty must be accounted for.

Squidward: Aye aye, captain. (Mr. Krabs leaves. When Squidward walks over to the stock, glowing eyes appear) Two boxes of buns. Three pounds of patties.

Mr. Krabs: Don’t get all loopy on me, boy. I need your help. And where in the high seas is Squidward?

SpongeBob: You gave him the day off.

Mr. Krabs: (pupils get smaller) Day... off!!!!! (Mr. Krabs is so mad that he makes steam come out of the chimney) I don’t know the meaning of them horrible words!! Now quit your laying around SpongeBob, and take out that garbage. It's starting to give me a rash. (exits)

SpongeBob: Yes sir, Mr. Krabs, sir. (puts a clothespin on his nose is going to take the trash out but Imitation Krabs stops him) Hey Mr. Krabs, just taking out that garbage.

Imitation Krabs: Never mind that. I need to talk to you. (takes the trash bag and vaporizes it with his laser eyes)

SpongeBob: Whoa-ho, Mr Krabs. I didn’t know you had heat vision!

Imitation Krabs: Never mind. I need you to tell me...

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob!

Imitation Krabs: Yoinks! (runs off)

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, I’m not paying you to stand around, (gives him a spatula) Get back to the kitchen.

SpongeBob: But I thought you wanted to ask me a question.

Mr. Krabs: Yes... why aren’t you working harder?

SpongeBob: I don’t know, Mr. Krabs... I don’t know. (both walk out)

Plankton: I’ll never get that formula with that pest Krabs popping in and out like that. I’ve got it! I’ve been saving this for a rainy day. (holds up a penny) It looks like an ordinary penny... because it is an ordinary penny! That fool Krabs is too greedy to ignore you, my little pretty. (laughs evilly. The penny pops out of the nose and rolls around into Mr. Krabs' office)

Mr. Krabs: That sound, it sounds like... the pitter-patter of... (sees the penny) money! (squeals) Hey, where you going, beautiful? (SpongeBob knocks on Mr. Krabs' door) SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs... (the penny slides out of the office) Wha... (Mr. Krabs busts down the door on top of SpongeBob)

Mr. Krabs: Stop! Please! (the penny slides between the crack of the doors and rolls away with Mr. Krabs running after it.) Wait! (Robot Krabs is hiding behind the sign pole)

Imitation Krabs: Nothing stands between me and that secret formula now. (snaps off some of the Krusty Krab sign pole. As he laughs evilly, the sign falls on top of him) Ouch. (cut to SpongeBob, who is scrubbing the floor)

Imitation Krabs: What? Oh, yes it is. (puts microphone back inside his body) I must get this shirt cleaned. Alright, now tell me the secret formula.

SpongeBob: But sir, we haven’t done the secret handshake yet.

Imitation Krabs: Oh yes. Here, let’s shake.

SpongeBob: (chuckles) We don’t shake with our hands, remember?

Imitation Krabs: Uh, right, why don’t you start?

SpongeBob: We stand on one foot. (they do) Balance a glass of chocolate milk on our heads and sing the Bikini Bottom National Anthem. (they do)

Music: "Bikini Bottom National Anthem"

Oh, Bikini Bottom, we pledge our hearts to you, As faithful, as deep, as true, as blue, Bikini Bottom, we love you!

Imitation Krabs: Formula time?

SpongeBob: Almost.

Narrator: 6½ hours later. (Plankton grunts frantically as he gets Robot Krabs into a cannon which spits him out, through a flame ring, and onto a chair at a table. He opens up the robot's belt buckle and dumps some spaghetti in there)

SpongeBob: Sorry, no can do, Mr. Krabs. (Robot Krabs's eyes are on fire)

Imitation Krabs: What?!

Plankton: But we did everything you said! I followed all the rules! I even ate 105 black licorice jellybeans through a straw!

Imitation Krabs: Now why can’t you tell me the formula?

SpongeBob: It’s your rule. Never speak the formula. You told me to keep it in...this bottle. (holds up a bottle with a piece of paper in it)

Plankton: (Overly excited and tense) This is it, Plankton. Gently, now... (pushes on a lever that makes Robot Krabs' arm stretch out more. A penny rolls through the door and Mr. Krabs comes in. Everyone gasps, including the guy on the penny)

Mr. Krabs: (Gasp)

SpongeBob: (Gasp)

Guy on the Penny: (Gasp)

Imitation Krabs: Gasp!

Mr. Krabs: How could you do this to me, SpongeBob? Giving me secret formula to this impostor!

Mr. Krabs: Well, if I was a robot, which I’m not, at least I’m well put together. Not some rusted-out, steam-driven piece of junk!

Imitation Krabs: Who are you calling steam-driven.....?

SpongeBob: Quiet! (SpongeBob is holding a giant hose that is attached to a giant machine of tarter sauce) Until I know who the real Mr. Krabs is, nobody moves, nobody gets hurt.

Both: Tarter sauce?

Mr. Krabs: Take it easy with that thing, son. (SpongeBob squirts some tartar sauce at Mr. Krabs causing him to jump into Robot Krabs' arms)

SpongeBob: I’ll do the talking around here. I think I’ll just ask you two a couple of questions. Questions only the real Mr. Krabs could answer.

Mr. Krabs: Okay then.

SpongeBob: First question: what time does the Krusty Krab open?

Imitation Krabs: 9:30am.

SpongeBob: Right. (to Mr. Krabs) That’s one strike, Mr. Fake.

Mr. Krabs: But...

SpongeBob: Nuh-uh-uh! I’m running this quiz show, I’ll ask the questions. If there’s gonna be any 'buts', they’re gonna be from me. Okay, question number two: how much does a Krabby Patty cost?

Mr. Krabs: $2.99.

SpongeBob: On Wednesday...

Imitation Krabs: 99 cents.

SpongeBob: Right again! (to Mr. Krabs) You’re starting to look pretty phony right about now. I’d be nervous if I were you. Now only the really real Mr. Krabs could answer this—if we’re discussing the secret formula on the third Wednesday in January and it’s not raining outside after we’ve gargled with vanilla pudding, what do we do?

Mr. Krabs: That’s an easy one. You just...just... let’s see... if its..uh.. if it’s January... with...with vanilla pudding...you...uh...pass? (SpongeBob squirts Mr. Krabs with tartar sauce and into a fry basket) No, SpongeBob! Give me another chance. (SpongeBob then rolls the basket out of the Krusty Krab)

SpongeBob: So long, Imitation Krabs! Buh-bye! (walks back inside) I knew it was you all along Mr. Krabs, here you go. (holds up the formula bottle)