Tuesday, October 17, 2017

"Me Too" Is a Teachable Moment

“ME TOO” dominated
my social media feed this morning. It was usually accompanied with a statement
about the poster having been sexually harassed and or assaulted in their
lifetime and the “me too” was declaring solidarity with other posters.
Nearly every woman on my social media feed posted it.
And thousands more. And it was not just in response to the
allegations against Harvey Weinstein. Or to Bill Cosby. Or to Presidents, both
past and present. Or to the countless other men in power accused of sexual
harassment or assault. It is in response to far too many girls and women being
harassed and assaulted every day; whether it is occurring in the streets, at
home or in the workplace.

As a man, I
am far less likely to experience unwanted sexual attention. Whereas the majority
of girls and women will during their lifetimes. Certainly men can be
victimized, but at a much less frequent rate and with far less dangerous
consequences. And although I can’t speak to women’s deeply personal experiences
with these behaviors, I can speak to being a man with power, both inherent and
directly linked to my positional authority. As the Executive Director of Tahoe
SAFE Alliance, North Lake Tahoe/Truckee’s service provider for victims and
survivors of Sexual Assault, Domestic Violence and Child Abuse, I cringe
everytime I hear of another male leader being accused of abusing his power. How
cliche.

I am the
first male Executive Director of Tahoe SAFE Alliance in its 32 year history,
and one of very few male ED’s in the greater Domestic Violence and Sexual
Assault fields. As such, male leaders are blessed to be trusted with the
leadership of these incredible feminist-based, grass-roots born organizations.
Our staff, boards and communities entrust in us to use our power for
good. And this does not always happen. Male leaders in the nonprofit
sector are not immune to abusing their power. And while the behavior of one
does not reflect the behavior of all, it does reflect a culture that we are all
complicit in if we are not actively working to end sexist and abusive
behaviors.

I have 24
staff members, 21 of whom are female. I do my best to use my authority to
create a just, equitable and safe working environment for everyone. As
the Executive Director, it is my job to lead the organization, internally and
externally. And what an honor and gift that is. It is incumbent upon me
to create an environment where everyone feels safe and valued. And how
easy it seems to be for men with positional authority to use that power to
sexually harass, intimidate and assault women. Many men with power, but
not all, feel as though they are entitled to women’s bodies and attention.
We live in a culture that, if it is not rewarding this type of behavior,
it is certainly looking the other way. This takes shape in many forms, whether
victim blaming or excusing the behavior with the notion that “boys will be
boys” and protecting the accused because of their status. The list is
exhaustive.

At Tahoe SAFE
Alliance we provide “Sexual Harassment in the Workplace” trainings to local
employers. In our trainings, employers learn the best practices of
addressing sexual harassment and how they can provide safe environments for
people to come forward and report sexual harassment. In addition, we work with
local youth around identifying sexual harassment, the harm it causes and the
behaviors that support it. We show youth how sexual harassment occupies a
place on the same continuum as sexual assault and is a form of sexual violence.
We work with young men, teaching them about the impact of unwanted
sexual advances, both physically and verbally. We teach them that “no
means no”, whatever shade it may come in. We work with with young women,
supporting their self-confidence and autonomy. We teach them that to be
treated with respect and dignity is their right and that they should expect
nothing less. It is our goal that the youth in our communities strive for and
engage in healthy relationships.

We may not have
control over what happens in Hollywood, Washington or in professional sports,
but we do have control in our communities. We have the power to model
respectful and equitable relationships. Men with positional authority must
demonstrate through their actions to young men that there is great
responsibility in having power; it is a gift and must be exercised with care,
empathy and compassion. We must hold those who use abusive behavior
accountable. The coverage of sexual harassment/assault in the media is a
teachable moment; it gives context to necessary conversations with the youth in
our lives about healthy relationships, what behavior is appropriate and the
consequences of our actions. We have the power to end these cycles of violence.
As the Executive Director of Tahoe SAFE Alliance, I commit to my staff, board
of directors and community to lead with integrity, equity and love.

3 comments:

Paul, I love this, and I love your heart. If you haven't already done so, I would encourage you to reach out to the Sierra Sun, Bonanza and Moonshine Ink with this. Thank you for being a good steward of Tahoe SAFE Alliance. #metoo. Peace out!