Jesus Phone to exhibit holy gift of bilocation

Apple will add multitasking to the Jesus Phone this summer with the release of the divine handset's version 4.0 software update, according to a report citing anonymous people who have accurately predicted Jobsian behavior in the past .

AppleInsider reports that iPhone OS 4.0 will offer a "full-on solution" to multitasking, though the publication's sources did not provide specifics on how the solution will work to reduce the drain on system resources.

In the past, Apple has said that unfettered multitasking would put too much of a drain on the Jesus Phone battery.

AppleInsider's sources did reveal that the company will provide a multitasking manager that taps technology already included with the Mac OS, but they said the new iPhone 4.0 is still under development and has "a way to go" before completion.

Only a heretic would claim that the Jesus Phone is incapable of multitasking. The ability to act in two places at the same time has long been a sign of divine recognition - a gift from the Holy Spirit - and this saint-like talent for "bilocation" was bestowed on Apple's Holy Handset from the beginning.

Built from the same kernel as Apple's Mac OS, the iPhone OS supports full preemptive multitasking - and always has. But it chooses not to exhibit this divine gift with third-party applications. The current version only allows multitasking with certain core Apple applications, including the system phone, SMS, email and the handset's iPod software.

The imminent Apple iPad is also capable of multitasking, but it too will only exhibit this gift with certain bundled apps.

These Latter Day Saints of Cupertino are not to be confused with St Joseph of Cupertino, who was said to be capable not only of bilocation but levitation as well. Different Cupertino. Different century. But equally Holy. ®