Dun’t Simon Cowell like something between his legs-rhetorical-question?

So this, ladies, gennelmen and undecided, is those dollies of the airwaves Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest bobbing about on the wet water like proper old bum-chums. Mmmm, chums.

They’re on holiday somewhere.

And this, ladies and gennelmen and gentle ladies, is a picture of Ryan Seacrest without his blouse on, looking like what can only be described as fatty-bum-bum. Wordsworth up, Ryan – chewing the end of your designer bi-focals and doing your mirror face won’t detract from the fact you ate all the pies, and everyone else’s too…