"Wicked as fresh red paint and poisonous as dried spiders" since 2005.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

MY VISIT TO THE PITT OF HORROR

ANOTHER STORY I'VE TOLD BEFORE BUT NEVER ACTUALLY ON THIS BLOG -- THE TIME I MET INGRID PITT.

Less than a decade ago, I went to the Cherry Hill Monster Mania Convention with my friend Fink. We got there early so we went into the hotel restaurant to grab some lunch. After we were seated at our table for about 15 minutes, two people were seated at the table next to us. I tensed up and Finky asked what was wrong. I said, "Nothing. Do you know who that is? That's Ingrid Pitt!" Naturally, Fink had no idea who Ingrid Pitt was because she never appeared in a Dave Matthews Band video. The star of THE VAMPIRE LOVERS, COUNTESS DRACULA, THE HOUSE THAT DRIPPED BLOOD, THE WICKER MAN and other favourites was sitting with what later turned out to be her personal assistant at the table right behind me. Carmilla herself was only a foot away! She ate her lunch, however, and never bit my neck once. But she would, before the day was out, attempt to possess me!We left the restaurant in due course with no further excitement. Fink, who suffers from Donny Osmonditis, quickly abandoned me to the rapidly increasing, teeming crowds and went home. The dirty Fink! It's OK . . . I forgive his base treachery. I spent the day at the convention in my usual pursuits of snapping up dvds and autographs. When I went to the autograph room where Ingrid Pitt was ensconced, the actress appeared to be a little distraught as I waiting in line to approach her. When it was finally my turn at "bat" (sorry), I said hello and she lightly grabbed my hand and began telling me how her personal assistant had just up and left her stranded and she didn't know what to do. I don't know why she picked me to tell this to since she didn't say anything to the line of people before me; perhaps she recognized me from the restaurant earlier, I don't know. Whatever the reason, she seemed very put out and I felt very sorry for her predicament when she asked me if I wanted to be her personal assistant while she was at the convention that weekend. Now, can you imagine? Ingrid Pitt was known for being, shall we say, endearingly "eccentric" so her suggestion to me is probably not so surprising coming from her. Sadly, my brush with greatness had to be declined since I had to work later that night and, indeed, the next day as well so I couldn't possibly do it. I know I know -- "You should've quit!" I hear you say. Well, quitting my job for a 3 day gig seemed a trifle extreme. Ms. Pitt called me "very sweet" and gave me the autographed photo you see above. I don't know if things worked themselves out or if her wayward assistant had returned but a little while later I saw Ingrid Pitt again on a panel of "Scream Queens" including Hazel Court, Caroline Munro, Veronica Carlson and Yvonne Monlaur and she gave a hilarious performance telling jokes and funny stories to the audience and genuinely appearing to have a good time; she could really work an audience and was a bawdy hoot!

THE AGE OF THE KNOW-NOTHING TOTS

"...the situation today is fuckin' bloody tragic. We operate in the Age of the Know-Nothing Tots. Kids raised not on literature, or even on films, but on television reruns, are being hired every minute to write and produce films that have the social import and artistic longevity of zweiback."

-- Harlan Ellison

"In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is, as we all know, king. And across the way, in the country of the witless, the half-wit is king."