1. “If you have sex, your thighs will get big.”
I swear to God… this one kept me a virgin until I was 18 and finally realized that all my slutty friends still had skinny thighs…

2. “If you go outside with wet hair, you’ll catch a cold.”
We all know that the cold virus doesn’t care how damp your hair is… but I always made sure my hair was dry.

3. “If you eat watermelon at night, you’ll wet the bed.”
I loved watermelon… it was my favorite food as a kid. I don’t think that watermelon and bladder control are connected… but I could be wrong I guess.

4. “If you ditch school, you’ll never get into a good college.”
This was straight up bullshit. I got into USC and I ditched more than 50% of my classes my junior and senior year.

5. “If you wear shoes with heels, it’ll stunt your growth.”
She just didn’t want me going out of the house in high heels and looking like a whore. But this one had an adverse effect as I am now a shoe addict.

6. “If you drop out of Calculus, you’ll regret it later.”
Still waiting to regret that one… I think the odds are in my favor (good thing I didn’t drop out of statistics, huh?)

7. “The police will arrest you if you mail that chain letter.”
I obsessed for weeks that I’d be arrested after mailing one anyway… I guess in her era Andy Griffith didn’t have anything better to do?

8. “If you crack your knuckles, they’ll get big like your dad’s.”
I didn’t stop to think that my dad’s hands were about twice as big as mine… but I sure didn’t want those ugly knuckles.

9. “If you play near the street, you’ll probably get kidnapped.”
I understand wanting us to be safe from cars, but come on… this kind of scared the shit out of me as a child.

10. “If you say mean things to your sister, she might die and you’ll never have had the chance to say you’re sorry.”
While this one is technically possible… it’s pretty unlikely… but I have to admit, it forced me and my sister to be nice to each other which was a good thing because as adults, we are still very close.