HELP! I'm Trapped in a blog!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I love rainy days! I thought I might be going crazy when I heard the rain outside my window, but when I took a peak, there it was! Something about the pitter-patters of the water hitting the roof calms me. It makes me want to rest. Today, I get the awesome oppurtunity to lead worship once again, just like every other wednesday, but I think that often times I take this gift for granted. I love God more than anything, and music comes second, so putting them together just feels so right. I have been thinking about the roles of women in the church for a long time. It's almost painful for me to think about my future, and not being able to lead worship because I am a female. I wonder if I will ever have a chance at it, or if I am automatically out of the picture because of my gender. Then I got to thinking, why in the world would God give me this passion and ability just so I could stay silent? Why would He put this fire inside of me just so I could waste it? I think the truth is that He doesn't want me to. I don't know how I am supposed to serve Him in my future with music, (I don't think the Baptist church will come around any time soon) but I have to find a way. I don't want to do anything else with my life. I am miserable when I'm not pouring my soul out to God. I don't know how to explain it exactly. It's like when I get on stage, and close my eyes, I start strumming my guitar, then I begin to sing. After the first verse the drums and bass come in softly. Now we're going steady, but that's not enough. So we build and build and build until finally I am singing my heart out, and nothing could feel better. Release. The kick of the bass drum becomes the beat of my heart. Everything is so in sync. It's like, I have this song in my inner most being and then I finally get to shout it out in the most honest way. And it's not about who's watching. At this point, I couldn't care less about anyone else, it's just me and God. Everyone else disappears. But then I back away from the mic, and I here all of these voices singing their hearts out too. I quiet my guitar and the drums and bass follow, but the voices remain steady. They sing like they too have forgotten about everyone else around them too. They sing like it's just them and God and nothing else exists. When I hear those voices singing it's like, like there's a bunch of people, who sing to one God, but they sing together. I listen and I feel like I can conquer the world with these people that I worship with.

I feel like I have this special connection with this people, because they've gone on a special journey with me. This journey would be nearly impossible to understand unless you been on one similar. It takes you from ordinary, self-conscious people, to extraordinary servents who don't care what they look to anyone else, because they are in the presence of God, and they are praising Him with everything they have. With everything I have. It is no longer about our musical abilities or talents (though I agree that the lack there of could certainly hinder worship) because it's not about US anymore. Together, we make a symphony of voices! What could be more beautiful then that? I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but this is just the love I have for worshiping God. I'm sure the majority of people would find this extremely insane! That's because today's world teaches us self-worship. Or even better, material-worship. Now, which sounds more insane to you, worshiping the Creator of the universe, or worshiping an inanimate object such as the Iphone or another pair of 80 dollar jeans? What about worshiping a social status, or job? Everyone chooses to worship something, whether it be constructive, or destructive, and I assure you that everything that you worship that is not God is destructive, because it will always let you down. People stumble. Jeans rip. Iphones break. (or become outdated in a month) When are people going to understand that these things only leave you empty and wanting more? The sad thing is, you will never get enough of these things to satisfy your desires! So I ask two questions, one, am I really that naive for wanting to worship something that makes me whole every time? And 2, what is it that you're worshiping? Even the most healthy christian sometimes falls into the temptation of idolatry.

GEN 35:2 So Jacob said to his household and to all who were with him, "Getrid of the foreign gods you have with you, and purify yourselves and changeyour clothes.

I think I have most of this figured out! Now I just need to get a life so I can find things to write about! How sad is that! The only motivation for me to get a life is so I can blog about it! HA! Maybe it's true what they say about my generation being socially screwd up because of texting and blogging and facebook and all that junk! I love it!