Before today, I had never heard of The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure, but much like Val Kilmer once he realized that, why yes, pizza crust stuffed with glazed doughnuts does taste good, now that I know about Oogieloves, I can’t stop thinking about doughnut-crust pizza, I mean, Oogieloves. Big Ballon Adventures is a kids movie that comes out tomorrow starring a collection of every child’s favorite actors, including Toni Braxton, Christopher Lloyd, Chazz Palminteri, Cloris Leachman, and Cary Elllllwwwweeeessss. The plot:

On Schluufy’s birthday, the Oogieloves (Goobie, Zoozie, and Toofie), and their friends J. Edgar, Windy Window, and Ruffy, work on organizing a party. Everything is going as planned until J. Edgar trips and loses the last five magical balloons in all of Lovelyloveville, prompting The Oogiloves set out to find the magical balloons in time for the party.

Contrary to popular belief, those aren’t just a random assortment of letters thrown together haphazardly, but actual, honest to God words. Good for J. Edgar finally finding a new career, too; here I was thinking being dead for 30 years would have stopped him. And hey, he even finally gets to dress up in public. Speaking of dressing up: you’ll never guess the person who inspired the Oogieloves, unless you’ve already read the headline…

Kenn Viselman, the man who brought [Teletubbies] and Thomas the Tank Engine to American television, is betting that his new movie series will force all producers to change the way they make and exhibit family entertainment…[But] ironically, the movie initally came about after Anne Wood, the Teletubbies‘ creator, refused offers to turn the series into a motion picture.

“For years, I thought about how can I win an argument with her to say, see this is why we should make a movie,” Viselman told The Hollywood Reporter. “And that turned into to me kind of deconstructing the entire movie-going experience. Why would a child not be happy in a movie theater?”

As he was meditating on that question, Viselman found himself in a theater showing Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail, marveling at the way the audience shouted out advice to the characters and generally made the screening a community event instead of a solitary two hours. (Via)

“AW HELL NAH. THAT ZOOZIE DIDN’T DO WHAT I THINK SHE JUST DID. DAMN THAT TOOFIE GOT A FINE ASS.” And so on. If Madea Goes to Jail is your idea of doing something right, you’re probably not making a very good movie. Viselman should have aimed higher, like to For Colored Girls. Kids love For Colored Girls, what with the drama, and the poetry.

“The movie initally came about after Anne Wood, the Teletubbies‘ creator, refused offers to turn the series into a motion picture.”
“So producer Viselman said ‘screw you,’ I’ll just make a slightly-altered rip-off version.’ “

btw, that was me sitting behind Viselman during Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail, and I was screaming:
OMG IT HURTS OH JAYZUSS WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS OH PLEASE I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE WHAT IS THIS I JUST DON’T KNOW, I AM GOING TO PLUCK OUT MY EYES NOW!

The closest I can remember to Bloodsport-meets-raised-by-animals was an Indian action movie where the dude got stranded on an island and the animals taught him how to fight in their various styles. – I think it was a Prabhakar flick, but it’s been a while.

The Curse of Filmdrunk has struck this poor, unfortunate movie: “The kiddie movie has a great shot at breaking the record for the worst-ever debut for a film playing in more than 2,000 theaters. In its first two days, it earned just $225,588 total and yielded laughable per theater averages of $47 (Wednesday) and $57 (Thursday).” (Entertainment Weekly)