How to Deal with a Destructive Relationship

It's true that relationships take work and commitment - but it's important to know where to draw the line. A relationship shouldn't feel like more work than fun. If you are in a relationship in which you fight more than you laugh together or you feel as though your positive energy is depleted, this would fall into the category of a destructive relationship.

This article suggests some ways to resolve issues in a destructive relationship in order to get it back on track, as well as ways to move on if it doesn't work out.

This Article

If you find you are constantly fighting, try to approach your partner calmly and discuss with them why you think this is. Pay attention to certain factors when you fight: Do you tend to argue about the same things? Is one or both of you intoxicated? Does the argument escalate easily? How do you resolve tension?

By focusing on these aspects of your arguments in a calm manner, you can try to dissect them together and find solutions. Perhaps you can find a way of stopping the argument from escalating, or from even starting altogether. Or you might even discover that your partner is sensitive to certain topics because of personal reasons that have nothing to do with you or your relationship.

If you have already tried this with your partner to no avail, when you can feel your partner getting angry, try where possible to let criticism or comments go over your head. Reacting often just makes things worse.

Get help

If you believe the relationship can be fixed, couples counseling may be an option, though it’s important that you first seek out therapy of your own so that you can honestly and openly discuss the realities of your relationship.

Know there’s a way out

If it ends in a break up or divorce, realize that this relationship does not have to define the rest of your life - you can move on and be happy with your life.

We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.