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Im lost in all of it.

Im speachless. I cant find words to express my thoughts. Everything is differnt. Part of me is missing, and i dont know if it will ever be found..You were my bestfriend. My other half. A sister to me. I cant belive its gone. You ment the world to me. I couldnt stand the thought of anything ever happening to you. I feared more then anything the morning that id wake up and you..wouldnt. I got caught up in some stupid s***. We were growing apart and no one had a clue what to do about it. All i wanted was for you to be okay. Iv never been closer to someone. I couldnt stand the thought of you leaving. I woke up one morning to a facebook message. Not a phone call no text. I didnt even get the chance. I freaked out. I was missing out on everything. i fuckked up. i just couldnt understand. i wanted to help more then anything and i had no where to turn to. i know it hurt..i couldnt stand myself. i wanted to stop you before you were already gone. You may never understand what went through my head that day.

We did everything together. We were chill to just sit and play video games for hours. Nothing mattered. We had eachother and it was all good. We were closer then ever. We would talk for hours and never run out of things to say. How. How did it come to this. We wanted to be bestfriends until we died. Damn. I cant erase it. I cant just forget everything we had. Can you?

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Listen, how can you possibly think I didn't care? I'll never understand. 1 month ago 26 days 7 hours and 5 mins. I s*** you not that wa the last time I spoke to you. Don't you understand you were my whole world? I never needed anyone else. You were my world, everything. When I found out what you did. I lost it, I lost everything. I wanted to be dead so badly. I wanted to never wake up. You don't understand how bad I wanted to kill myself. I thought I was dreaming. Then I thought. It never happened. Then I tried to erase you. Finally I grew cold and hard and forgot everything I could. Until my dreams provoked me, they kept playing you in my mind. I was never free. Can't you see why I couldn't reach put anymore? I couldn't do it to myself. To you. I needed to let you grow, I needed to grow. I needed that chance to see how my life was without you. You never do know what you got till it's gone. I'm not even mad anymore. I just want the god honest truth. Why.

5.4 years ago

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I would forgive you, if you just called me. If you just showed me you wanted my friendship as much as I want yours. If you think I. Can forget your crazy. Call me, text me. Please anything. I would forgive you, why can't you understand. Everything to me.