Tuesday, May 20, 2008

The short reprieve at Bangkok is nearly at an end and I must admit it has been an eye-opener. In more ways than one. And I'm not just talking about staying near the flashy but sleazy Patpong district, with the glitzy neon lights, the pushy mamasans or hustlers who go "tiger show tiger show?" (it was only a day later that I realised they meant Thai Girls) and clutch one's arm insistently while attempting to divert one to the nearest bar/show/club.

Nor simply about the massage parlors or agogo bars (naturally the boy bars were a lot more appealing to yours truly), where boys were paraded on stage like bits of merchandise and the shows ran the full gamut from downright explicit displays that leave nothing to the imagination to pseudo-street art (think hip hop with vigorous hip thrusting and in various stages of undress) to vulgar comedy. All in all a different side of Bangkok from the usual sanitized pig out and shop till you drop routine

The trip with the Ex was on hindsight not a very good nor smart idea. But it was decided some time ago and it was still a break. I won't deny that we, and I in particular (though he did appear to agree then), envisaged that it wouldn't be a wholly innocuous trip. There was still that tension and the unspoken understanding that anything could happen and it was to be a see-how-it goes kind of affair.

It was strange, that artificial veneer of normality, of flatly denied tension in the name of fate and choice, of solo activities that saw the both of us doing what we wanted, when we wanted. It was almost like we were two strangers sharing the same hotel room, the same bed. And if anything this trip has made it crystal clear that this is the end, the page has turned on this particular chapter of our lives and any remaining stray feelings brutally extinguished.

More things came up about his ONS, the current version a far cry from the much milder toned down one he proffered earlier. His reasons for doing so, the tenderness of the other person etc. Whatever. As he said, he made his choice the moment he had his ONS or MNS rather.

And yes the one thing I'm thankful for this trip in spite of all the strange, awkward moments, is the brutal finality with which its allowed me to move on.

And with that I dedicate this last song to you, no need to discover the truth behind your eyes, no need to struggle to leave the past behind, for sooner or later, you'll be the last thing on my mind. Without a doubt.

The Alan Parsons Project - Sooner or Later

Oh what a price we payFor the things we sayAnd the closer I get to youThe further you move away

All the lies we tellIn the games we playAnd the longer I think it overThe harder it is to stay

Sooner or later I'll be freeTo leave the past behindSooner or later you're gonna beThe last thing on my mindLittle by little I'm finding outThe truth behind your eyesMaybe if I don't showI thought you might like to knowYou're gonna be the last thing on my mind

You didn't want to knowI could have told you soBut the moment I think it's overThe further there is to goJust a little wordSuch an easy wayBut the longer I think about itThe harder it is to say

Sooner or later I'll be freeTo leave the past behindSooner or later you're gonna beThe last thing on my mindLittle by little I'm finding outThe truth behind your eyesMaybe if I don't showI thought you might like to knowYou're gonna be the last thing on my mind

I practise Iyengar yoga so I'll definitely say "Iyengar"! haha... but really, I say so cos I think the approach teaches a good foundation. And the emphasis on alignment prevents injury. You can try my teacher's sunday class at 9am cos I don't know when she's starting her intro class. You might want to register interest. She will start slow if there's beginners. And she taught us headstand only after one year so don't worry. ;)

But different styles and different teachers style appeal to different ppl so you might want to try classes with the flexible card. Check out the Schedule page for the intro classes. Have fun!

Hmm but isn't your teacher the only one who teaches Iyengar? I'll probably go for the flexible kind myself not because I want variety but due to the likelihood of something popping up at work at any given day/time of the week.

The schedule for her intro classes haven't started yet but yep I'll be sure to check it regularly. Thanks!

Just came back from a pretty long overseas trip (work/holiday) so this comment is way late - probably not the best idea to travel with your ex, but it would seem that it provided you with the sense of finality that you needed to get on with your life, which, as a by-product, is good....

I must say your choice of song is great, and it did go some way in exorcising certain lingering demons in the past for me - thanks!