ARA: Thoughts on couples who share a Facebook account

I actually saw (for the first time) last night a shared page in my “People you may know” run on Facebook. This is worse than a couple who share an e-mail account, talk in “We’s” and sign their e-mails with both their names — combined. Facebook is about you, just you, not “us.”

113 Responses

I think its silly to call a couple silly if they choose to use one account to post things about their.. um. FAMILY?
Sheesh.. if you use Facebook just for YOURSELF. fine.. but god.. so many of you are snobs.. maybe i DON”T want to be involved with FB if there are that many judgemental idiots there.

The official Facebook rules state that a profile is for one single person. Honestly, you can do what you want if you’re respectful of others. If you are sharing an account, let others know who they’re talking to by signing messages or putting your initials down–if you chat, say “Hi! This is _____.”

I personally wouldn’t share my facebook with someone else. It is important to have something for yourself and to express your own individual personality. That’s what people are looking for when they’re asking to be friends. You can be two different people, but still work together as a team.

Also, if you’re not married, I think it may be going a bit too far. Don’t hide things from your significant other, be open, but sharing passwords with a boyfriend is eerily similar to sharing your locker with your “best friend” in high school… too risky if a fight arises.

Some of you guys crack me up…”i’m married but I don’t want my spouse having my password”…wow, something to hide? I think people in marriages like that are just naive or have a problem with being open. When you get married, there is no such thing as privacy and secrets…that’s what “vows” are for. You’re definitely not one person, but you are a team and you should love them enough to be open about everything.

We’re all human and we all make mistakes though. My husband and I share a facebook now due to problems we have gone through with ex-girlfriends, and it has done nothing but benefit our relationship and has made us more open with eachother, which is how a marriage should be. We have the same friends anyway, and we have a facebook just to keep in touch with people…not to express our personal individuality (we don’t need to for people that know who we are). If people want to judge and talk badly about our decisions and our marriage, than they’re not real friends.

So if people want to share a facebook, I say…”who cares?” and “how does it affect you?”. It’s their own business…

I agree with Des #54.. thats their business.
It wouldnt be my cup of tea, but if they choose to share it, then so be it. However, if it becomes impossible to have a conversation, or dealings with one, without the other half of the WE (on facebook, in person, etc, etc) then that gets a little annoying.

sort of reminds me of this woman i used to know who for the first 6 months i knew her, never said “hi, im so & so.” her official name was “hi, i’m so & so’s girlfriend”. seriously?

also, how about they have seperate pages, but one COUPLE fan page? perhaps that will annoy their friends less..?? just a thought. i mean, with all the ridiculous fan pages there are ( pretty sure i just saw one for “i like when i eat corn cuz it comes out in my poo” ) why not have just one more?

totally creepy and co-dependent? raelly are you joined at the hip? too insecure to be on your own in the big bad facebook world? jealous, possessive? i think its strange when i write to a girlfriend and their email address includes her husband.. why do i necessarily want to share what i am writing w/ him? seriously folks go back to high school..

Hi all – my husband and I share a page because it is just so much easier. We have been married 21 years and have 2 teen kids. Everything of import that happens to one of us, happens to both of us. We don’t update our status with ridiculous daily musings about the weather or what either one of us had for dinner. But when we have something to share with our friends, like our anniversary or son getting into college, the news comes from both of us. I think Facebook should allow for couples pages legitimately where both of our emails are searchable on the account (not possible right now) and we could let people know who was sending a message. My two cents – and as far as I know, none of our friends mind it. And, if I didn’t trust my husband to read my emails, then maybe we wouldn’t have been married this long!

I think it’s SO obnoxious. Maybe I don’t want to be sending your significant other a message, even if it’s entirely harmless and nothing to be hidden. As for the communicating with family thing – here’s a thought, ONE person can have a Facebook page and everyone will see the updates from that person and *gasp* be able to figure out that both husband and wife were indeed involved in the birth of their child etc.

My impression is that most couples on Facebook are really women who have created joint facebook accounts that their husbands will look at maybe once or twice. It’s like they were nervous to start FBing themselves so they wanted someone to hold their hands. But once they started using it they noticed they found it fun, while their husbands had less interest in the site than they did in their wives (jk).

I think having a shared account is great – that way you don’t have to do double the albums for photos and invites etc. I still think having your own page alongside it is beneficial as you still want to have your individual side showing.

My husband and I share an email. I barely have time to keep up with one address. If we had separate I would have to check both for refills from pharmacy and messages from our 2 sons in the military ect ect. Now I cannot have my own facebook until I set up another email that I will never use. We are both professional people; not clones, siamese twins, or have any other idenity crisis that some posts may have internalized and now are trying to pass judgment and transfer their own psychoses to others by sterotyping. Whew!!! Anyway to me it’s no big deal what others think. I got here by way of a help button trying to set up a separate facebook acct where the email address is shared—I only thought I was trying to uncomplicate my life and streamline where I can.

Many of you who are against having a joint page assume because people share a facebook account, they are losing their individuality? While I understand that MANY MANY MANY people completely obsess over facebook and think that it is an important integral representation of your life, and that is fine. But for a good portion of people, including myself, facebook is something i use to look at pictures of friends and family who live far away, or to send a quick message.

Me and my girlfriend have different face book accounts. We both use them maybe 1/2 hour a week. Everytime we want to add pictures, we must add to both accounts, everytime we meet a new friend, we have to ensure they are sent to both accounts. Friends will message one of us, assuming we will both get it. While we do have separate ones, it seems much easier and more convenient.

Again, under no circumstance would relate having a joint Social Networking Page which is rarely used to losing ones individuality. I find it humorous that some really believe facebook is THAT relevant.

Not quite. I dont have a joint facebook account. I dont really know anyone that does. But I dont believe facebook is ALL IMPORTANT like many people do. I dont believe a joint account equates to losing your identity. I almost NEVER go on facebook. Does this mean I have no identity?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA Hilarious. I feel sorry for you and everyone else that feels that without being in the virtual world of facebook, they have no identity. I feel bad for the people that actually think anything on facebook matters, haha.

I live the majority of my life in the real world. And I can assure you I have an identity there.

“Everytime we want to add pictures, we must add to both accounts, everytime we meet a new friend, we have to ensure they are sent to both accounts. Friends will message one of us, assuming we will both get it. While we do have separate ones, it seems much easier and more convenient.”

Holy controlling, on both your parts. Is she looking over your shoulder right now as you type this? I suppose your name is Why and hers is Not?

My sister and her second husband have the same email account. He has various ones. She has only one. Sometimes he answers her emails and signs her names. A dead giveaway was the term “my step grandchildren.” I think it is very strange!

My husband signed up on Facebook for networking with old college friends, but he ended up not using it, so to keep friends and family long-distance in touch, I would do posting for him when he asked me to. He eventually told me I enjoy it more than he does so I should use it. I quit my job in coporate finance because of CFIDS and the need to recover on my own time, and I use Facebook. It has both of our names in the title because it’s his page but I use it. If we chat, we just identify which one of us it is. Married people use the same telephone line in their home, too, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have an identity. Marriage is about two people establishing unity. Maybe some like to have their own FB page, and maybe some like sharing one for simplicity or efficiency. To me the fact that this is such a big argument shows two things: that FB has definitely become part of online consciousness, and that people are too quick to rush to judgement instead of trying to understand and appreciate. You can’t judge someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes, and judging couples because they have a joint FB account is elevating FB to a level that is ridiculous.

Myself and my significant other both maintain a separate FB account but have talked about a joint account. After we wed of course. I personally think it could be done right, here’s a thought.

1. Use either personal email address to login
2. Be able to email and search either individual
3. Have two separate “inboxes” within the account
3a. create an option within the security settings that would allow you to view each others inboxes, or not if that is your fancy.
4. Provide in the information area, info on each individual.

This way you could still search the individual but you maintain the the same friends. I mean if someone is unwilling to except the person I choose to be with why should I except them? And vice a versa. Also photo albums would take up less space on the FB servers. Considering the structure of the FB site, these would not be very hard adjustments.

And on the judgement note, why do people care what others do in their relationship? If they choose to share an account, so be it. I’m sure anything you send one the other wouldn’t care about. And if they did, all the more reason for them to see it. Marriage, especially is about a union between two souls, two people and one love. If your unwilling to share your FB messages with your wife/husband then you should re-evaluate your marriage I think. I apologise though, that is me judging you and it really isn’t right. You shouldn’t judge other relationships. maybe yours has been all well since it’s inception, but most have encountered obstacles and hopefully made it through them. if they choose to do things together it’s probably because they know they do things better together.

I know this isn’t ideal for all relationships, facebook itself isn’t sometimes. But if you choose to go at it as a couple or as two individuals you need to be honest with one another in every way possible, including non-facebook issues. Myself and my lady, have that agreement and it has caused many an argument. But, these arguments are usually settled in due time and only help to strengthen our union.

Those of you that enjoy separate accounts, no harm no foul. If that’s what makes you two work I’m happy for you. But why withhold an idea of partnership in this virtual world that is so about individuality? if two people want to be one couple in this aspect of their life, why “bash” them? Maybe that is their individuality.

My husband and I have been married 34 years and share everything. No Secrets and total trust in one another. We have a joint facebook acount along with a number many other couples. I suppose it is generational. I do not see what the big deal is. We have shared children, faith, friends, vacations, meals and numerous dates. Facebook allows us to communicate to our Children who live many states away on what is going on. Posting once on comments and created photo albums once is such a convenience. If we use the post as one, we use “I’ and sign our name. No one yet has complained and it makes life simpler. Couples I believe who do this, actually have nothing to hide and have formed a huge bond. Boundaries are not an issue. The feeling of closenes has only grown over the years.

I think it’s funny that everyone ignored the “old people” exception that the OP made. Sorry, but if you’re kids are grown, and you only set up facebook to “reconnect” with college friends, or your sole activity is looking at pictures of grandchildren, you are “old people”–in facebook years.

To whom it may concern: I thought I was the only person on the planet who had a problem with dual facebook pages ;) Now there is a dedicated group for it. It’s the I HATE IT WHEN COUPLES SHARE A FACEBOOK PAGE. Feel free to subscribe! THUMBS UP

I heartily agree with #58! My husband and I share a facebook page. He rarely checks it, but I keep him updated on the friends he cared enough to “friend” I don’t use the chat feature, nor do I play games. We use facebook to keep in touch with friends and family who are far away, and some not-so-far-away. We sign our comments so people know who has commented. I also check his e-mail for him, because if I didn’t – no one would. If he weren’t on my page, how would his friends find him? Our account is listed (his name)(my name)(our last name) If I didn’t check his page, who would? We have three small children, I certainly don’t have the time to be checking two facebook accounts.
I actually found this page in looking for a way to encourage facebook to allow for couple’s pages that would allow separate profiles and profile pics while sharing a news feed. I also was interested in the feature #58 was suggesting allowing the post-er to indicate which party was leaving the message.
For those of you profile-sharing haters: would these individualization features make shared profiles more bearable?

I’m one of the married couples that have a “shared facebook account” and I can see from both point of views. But the reasoning for us to share is because he’s in the military and we live in a different state from our family and friends so we just keep one account because we have the same friends and use it to keep in touch with our family. We don’t play any of the games on there. We just do posts to let them know we’re okay or when we will be up to visit them, post pictures for them. And none of us have anything to hide, so sharing a facebook isn’t a problem for us.

Sharing Facebooks and passwords is not about “not having anything to hide.” It’s about whether you trust the person at all. Many of you seem to believe that your husbands/boyfriends are okay with sharing Facebooks, when in reality, they probably refer to you as their “ball & chain,” “old lady,” or tell their friends you have their “balls in a vice.” No one like an overly controlling spouse, male or female. There is nothing more annoying than shared emails, except for shared social networking pages…

I think a linked facebook account would be more the correct term. Each person having their own log in so that whom ever is posting, it in their name or they can have the option of it coming from both of them. It makes more since when couples post things for their friends and family like pictures because then there would only be one set of pictures that had to be uploaded. And privacy settings can still be individualized. I would link mine with my husband and I know he wouldn’t mind if they were linked. I usually have to load pictures for him anyway.

Personally, shared pages make me a little crazy. I don’t mind so much when a couple shares a page and the account lists both of their names. But, I have a friend who uses her husband’s facebook account; her name is not on the account so it looks like it’s just him. When she first started posting, some of the posts seemed very strange “coming from him”. We all asked her to just get her own account and she pitched a small fit about not wanting her own account and wanting to just use his; we asked her to add her name so it showed the account was for both of them, but she declined. Now she signs her name when she posts. She has always been very controlling and a bit suspicious that other women are after her husband. (BTW, no one is after her husband, and he is a very nice, faithful man), and this is just another way for her to keep tabs on what he is doing/who he is talking to. To each his own, but I find people who don’t trust/ feel the need to micromanage their spouse tiresome.

I do not have my own Facebook account. I am using my husband’s account to talk to my friends. The only reason is because I don’t want it to be easy for people to find me. I am trying to get a teaching job, and I don’t feel that FB is really that private. It is ridiculous to think that all couples do this because they do not trust significant other. Why be invasive if you don’t have a reason to be? I trust my husband. Anyway, I could view his site before I did it this anyway I was his facebook friend. In fact, I would prefer to have my own site. Some couples don’t trust each other. The thing is that you can not assume it is the reason “everyone,” does it that way. It can be a bit awkward at times. I just sign with the letter of my first name. I just find it annoying when people ask me to get my own account. It is not their business. If they do not like it they can unfriend him. I don’t bother people. I mainly just type to my friends. I also suppose there are those couples that are connected at the hip. That is has nothing to do with it. I just don’t want to be asked to friend someone either. If I say I don’t have my own account than I don’t have to be rude and not add them. It mainly has to do with internet privacy for me. Anyone else?

I don’t think a shared Facebook account is a bad idea. My wife and I have been considering doing this just because we have noticed that all or our friends are communicating to each other via Facebook; things like when everyone is meeting for a concert, what time a group is going to meet for dinner, when the tailgate party starts for the football game, or what happened last weekend. We feel that we are sometimes left out of the loop and Facebook might be a way for us both to keep up on what is going on.

Personally, I say to each their own. I don’t understand why people jump to the conclusion that because a couple shares a facebook page they must have jealousy issues. My husband and I share a facebook page, but we have separate Myspace accounts(and to be honest have not used them in yrs)and I have my own Twitter account. My husband hates twitter, he thinks it’s annoying, so he doesn’t have one. I don’t even think he has my passwords to my other accounts. We were bored one day and decided to open a facebook account together to keep in touch with friends and family. We didn’t sit down and have a discussion about the pros and cons of sharing a page, just something we did. We also don’t have 700 people on our friends list that are not really friends. We use our page to keep in touch with close friends and family. So far no one has complained about us sharing a page and if they snicker behind our backs, who cares I’m probably snickering about half the stuff they are posting.

I think every couple is different. What works for one won’t work for another. Married couples tend to share nearly everything, and the longer the couple has been together, the less apt they are to ‘need’ space or privacy. Take my aunt and uncle who have been together 43 years. They have one e-mail account, and if they ever got onto facebook would probably only have one page there as well. My husband and I have separate accounts, but know each others passwords. We do like to comment on each others walls from time to time. He is also in the military, so we aren’t always together. I think for most married couples, sharing a page has nothing to do with jealousy or insecurity. They share a house, a bed, a bathroom, and probably a social life, so it makes sense that family/friends would contact them in one place. Now for couples who are still in the dating phase, sharing a page is over the top! Just my opinion.

I hate people like this I looked up an old school friend and saw that him and his wife share an account both their names mashed together so stupid! I did not even bother to contact that person for one nobody wants you and your significant other reading your messages,second you have to wonder who is making the status’s on their page,and third maybe people do not want to be friends with your significant other ever thought of that? they just want to be friends with you not some stranger they are forced to talk to and be nice to just because you married them.Get your own identity and your own friends I cannot stand couples who do everything together and yes I am married that doesn’t mean me and my husband have to hold hands and go to the bathroom together! We are not even friends on Facebook why bother? we see each other every day and I cannot stand those couples that comment on each others every post either! and neither can anyone else! I also am sick of seeing facebook fights between couples keep it at home nobody needs to know your every damn move! people who share Facebook are just insecure and need to know every move their partner is making it’s really sad and annoying.Get your own life go ahead it’s ok.

I agree with 98. It doesn’t have to do with me judging couples for being jealous or having creepily blurred identities, it’s just unnerving to not know who I’m talking to. I never comment on shared accounts’ posts for this reason. Often I only really am friends with one member of a couple and I don’t want to befriend their spouse, but I feel I’m forced to by their choice.

My only problem with sharing is that like if u find a old high school friend and been friends with them for awhile they get a gf or bf u have no clue who they r do u what them to see all ur stuff if that’s the case y not make ur Facebook page unprivite so everyone can c it my is privite for a reason so no one I don’t know can’t see it ugh

My wife and I share a FB – I had one, and she did not want to create one but was amused by reading peoples posts so I gave her access to mine. She also assisted in posting pictures of our kids and us, considering I had had the page for a year and only had 1 picture uploaded this I liked. Then she started commenting on posts, this got confusing, cause I absolutely wouldn’t post “Hey girl! I miss you!” So to remedy this, I added her name to the main name on the account. After a few years doing this, it confuses people of who is posting what, and I have work friends she really doesn’t care to read the posts of and vice versa. Now, I have decided to make another account, but I have to make a new one for ME, otherwise transfer the 500 or so pictures she has uploaded to another account. Ugh! Avoid confusion, make your own FB, it is not hard and you can share with your spouse if you want just only post crap from your own FB.

On the surface this seems ‘ok’ however my sister and her husband share an account. I want to share things with my sis so I’m forced to share with both of them (they each have their own accounts but he logs in and reads all of her stuff). I don’t think it is fair I also have to share everything with him. Sometimes girls just want to talk, and I don’t think their symbiotic thing is very much fun from this end! I accidentally say things about my own life that make him angry. Sometimes girls need other girls and I think a guy who obsesses like that is a jerk bound to be dumped eventually. When it happens I won’t feel bad for his over controlling a–. :-)

I agree with the post by Lindsey way back towards the top. Also if you are in a happy relationship why do you even need facebook?? I have a shared facebook with my fiance because at the moment she lives in USA and I in the UK + she cant live without facebook. Its a good place to share photos and memories, but apart from that I use it for little else. I really wouldn`t lose any sleep if vanished from existence!
My final point is, there is nothing stranger than a couple who have seperate facebooks and message each other on them, especially if they live together!! Thats more bizarre than having a joint facebook and pretty sad to be honest!

Facebook is becoming an issue in more and more marriages. Couples who are having struggles in their marriages, use FB to reach out to old flames instead of working on their own relationship. I have a friend who is a divorce attorny and says that FB comes up in about 50% of all divorce proceedings. FB is great for keeping in touch, but can be dangerous if not used for it’s intended purpose. I admire couples who have put safeguards into their marriage, not for reasons of trust, but because they both understand how tempting it can be to stray when stresses occur.