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Sunday, August 30, 2009

We did go to church, after much agonizing discussion. We debated on going to another Mass (another time or church), to make it easier, but in the long run it just prolongs the process, and I love my friends at church, and they love me. It was therapeutic. I mean it's always good, but sometimes you are so deep in yourself, you can't see anyone else. It's nice to look out and see other people alive and living their lives.

Today, Karen and Tom did Children's Liturgy, and Fr. John said they might need help. I debated and waited till the kids had gone back, then did some more debating with Ches, and went back to help out. I missed the homily, but I know Fr. John posts it online, so I'll check it out later. : ) It was good, and almost all the kids were good. The gospel reading was about laws, and we talked about God's law vs. man's laws, how their different, and the consequences. The kids knew a lot, and one boy kept telling that if you do bad things, you get the death penalty. I'm wondering how he knows all about that. Another girl kept laughing at everything. I can see why they need help, and really more teachers to rotate. I just can't take it on right now. Ethan's almost old enough, but my future is blurry right now.

We had pizza and went to Tim's. It's always good, I have their number in my phone, so I call ahead, and it's ready when we get there. That's my Easy Button. You can't push it too often, but it works. Ethan is getting so much bigger, and behaves at least 20% better than he did this past winter.

My whole world has changed, and it's just weird. Very Surreal. I'm back in my What To Do Next phase, and we'll just wait and see. There's not a right answer, and I like that. I can't choose wrong.

Ches says now that maybe it was toxoplasmosis. He looked some theories up online, and it was his conclusion. We all want an answer, and he's a disease specialist (and teaches epidemiology). It's his thing. So, it does stand to reason. We have had more to do with Purrahna (feeding and petting her), she lives at our house/yard/porch/deck. She poops in Ethan's sandbox (along with all the other cats), and Ethan just scoops it up and throws it out (yes, gross). We also learned that cats get it from birds (and I've been feeding the baby birds, and tapping the nest to get them to wake up. So, yes, I've learned something: you don't even have to have a cat to get it! I'll have Dr. Gorman test for it tomorrow just to see. I know it could be anything, but if you are in our situation, you look for any possible reason.

Tomorrow, back to the doctor, more probing, and maybe more answers. I think I'm ready to go back. I feel braver, more in control of myself, and I can do it. Maybe I won't lose it.

Just pray for us. God knows what we need even more than we do. Just pray for His will. He has a plan better than I could ever dream. He got me this far!

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Don't really know where to start. Yesterday was the worst. In my Baby History, I think.

I lost the baby. There's no way to mince words here. It sucks, and I'm sad, and crampy, and tired, and haven't had time to rest. That's partially my fault as I'm looking to busy myself and use the avoidance technique. Clay had a soccer game this morning, and I had to get his uniform washed and dried, and Mary Claire has a birthday party this afternoon, and needed a gift, her bath, and wanted her special "cake" clothes since it's a Cake Party. It's another day in the life of my family, and I can't stop to mourn when I have three very alive children at my house.

The first sadness was all the blood/clots in the toilet. It's just seems morally wrong to flush it. I had a very hard time letting it all go. I mean, doesn't it deserve more respect than flushing?

I had blood work and an ultrasound done on Friday, and it took half the day. It wiped me out emotionally. The next ickiness was that I had to sit in the waiting room with all the pregnant (but yes, nice) women and their mothers/husbands as they waited for their ultrasounds. The only books I picked up were Mommy books and magazines. Didn't need that. And then, there was the Lab. Getting blood drawn next to a sweet mom getting her glucose test (about 24 weeks, I think?) done. I was hyperventilating (or just breathing really hard) and trying to pull myself together to go back out in the big waiting room to await the next step. Not only did they have to do an ultrasound, but they had to do a transvaginal ultrasound, since I wasn't very far along. Yes, in that spot where the baby was passing. That was maybe the fourth? wrong thing of the day. Just a rough day.

My doctor was very sweet and sympathetic, which I needed. He requested that I come back on Monday and do the lab and check again. The labwork takes four hours so I have to drive down twice. : (

I am sad, but I understand it just wasn't right. The conditions, the baby, something. God knows what He has planned, and I can respect that. Really. Maybe the timing was off, I don't know. I'm glad I had the opportunity to be pregnant again, it's exciting. Just the happiness you get to carry around with you. That you know, even when other people don't (and can't "see" it yet). I had thought it'd be our last. I don't know if that's still true or not. I thought my life was working out as planned, and now my plans are bust. There's something relaxing about not having a plan (and a little out of control). My job today is to usher my family through today, and into tomorrow. We'll worry about tomorrow when it gets here. May God bless us on our journey, and may we trust in His plan.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under Heaven:a time to be born, and a time to die;a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;a time to kill, and a time to heal;a time to break down, and a time to build up;a time to weep, and a time to laugh;a time to mourn, and a time to dance;a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;a time to seek, and a time to lose;a time to keep, and a time to throw away;a time to tear, and a time to sew;a time to keep silence, and time to speak;a time to love, and a time to hate;a time for war, and a time for peace.Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

If you're my friend, I love you. I don't not want to talk to you, but it's hard to relive with each person. It just makes me tired, and I don't have the strength. It pulls all my emotional strings. Just pray for us. Pray for the family I have on Earth, and the little one who got to go back to Heaven early. May we too get to see His face one day.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Today was a home day. I was planning to take a Sick Day, and kinda did! Ches took the kids to school for me, and I lounged on the bed. For a whole 12 minutes. I did stay off the computer all day. Ethan and I strolled around the property (heehee) a few times, checking out our plants, butterflies, bees, angel, and weeds. We pulled the ones we could (weeds, not plants). We have a few pumpkin plants growing on accident out front. Last year, after pumpkins were carved, Ches washed the squish off to the sides of the sidewalk. SO, now the seeds have grown roots, vines, and flowers. We'll see if they produce! Who knows? We could be Accidental Gardeners! And maybe even Successful Gardeners, if we're dreaming!

Then we worked with Papa a little more on the deck. Ethan got nice-n-dirty, played balance beam on a board, played on the slide, and got lots of exercise! He also spilled his drink on a chair cushion and on the deck, and needed a bath immediately afterwards, but oh, what a nap he took! : ) He slept like a baby. Well, better than one!

I took a tiny nap, but it counts! Any sleep is good sleep. I actually slept through the night last night, and felt so much better this morning. I'm hoping for more tonight! I didn't get a few things done today, so now they've been bumped to Friday. I did get some vacuuming done, it freaks me out when it's been too long! If I can see bits on the floor, it's just gross.

We also have some other new pets. Our bird nest in our wreath in the front door is minus a mommy. (Yes, the mommy that flew all around our house last Thursday.) So, I've looked up what they can eat, and have fed them a couple times. Get this. They eat every 30-60 minutes during daylight hours. I mixed cat food with sugar water, and gave them cottage cheese curds with tweezers. The momma has been gone for a day and a half, and they've gotten some fuzz on them. They are maybe a week old? Poor birds. And Purrahna (can't remember how to spell it-Purr and Pirrahna, the neighbor cat we've started feeding-she lives in our yard) is just waiting on our porch (it's raining, too) smelling baby birdies. It's just sad. I read that even if we keep them alive, the momma usually teaches them to fly and hunt for food. So, who's gonna do that? : ( Cheese curds is about as far as I can go.

Ches asked me if I'm going to help out at the school this year. Last year I went one day a week (only for an hour or two), to help. I just don't think I can. If it was copying for the teachers, I could do it, but it never is. When I get busy helping a child with work, I can't leave. I feel like I need to help them finish, then before long, I've run over my time (and into their next subject)! I might email to see if they need a copy person, but really, I'd bet there's someone with more time than me that wants (?) to do it. That could totally be rephrased, but I'll just let it go.

And I'm hearing meowing. Bad sign. And I feed her too. To keep her tummy full, so she won't eat my birds!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

No time to blog post. Tired and cranky and still stuffy and runny. : PJust the Highlights (and Lowlights). You decide:* Joined the Mothers Without Makeup/Morning Hair at school dropoff this a.m.* Waited an hour to see Clay's ENT to tell me he's fine.* His ear drum is healed.* Less achy, more snotty. Me, not Clay.* Bought more soft tissues and drug-type things at Wal-Mart including Mucinex. See number 3.* Yes, can take Sudafed pregnant. Yes, amazing. No, didn't take it again.* Had a taco and strawberry smoothie.* Got my oil changed. Finally.* Almost fell asleep with phenylphrine noise in my head in the waiting area.* Now my blinky, yelling van has stopped with the warnings.* Found out my brakes are between 5-6 somethings (good, no need for new ones)* Found out I need my next big service (60,000 miles). Have I driven that far?* Worked on my deck with Dad! Worked on decking, rail, coverup of junk/tree branches/leaves underneath.* Blew my nose a lot.* Needed a trash bag on the deck JUST for my tissues.* Joined the Tired Moms with Hair Up (and sawdust on their faces) at School Pickup. Or maybe I'm their president.* Watched Ethan swim alone in the pool. (well, sounds weird. He was swimming without anyone holding him. Hands were 4 inches away) Don't Freak Out.* Made dinner. Ham Baked Potatoes* Wrote 12 thank you notes!* Managed to come up with some food for your thought even though I didn't think I had time.* Going to say prayers that I'll be better tomorrow.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Procrastination is kicking my butt again. I work well under pressure, but not this much. I waited to get my new driver's license till it's almost too late (10 days or so?), and now I have a cold/allergies that have erupted, and my nose looks like Rudolph's! : P What now?

And. I have an appointment to get the oil changed in my van tomorrow at 9am, and Clay has his ENT recheck/post-surgery appointment at 9:20, and I SO can't be in two places at once. I put off rescheduling his appt (mainly because I hadn't a clue when it was), and my van is yelling at me that I'm over (now 61 miles past my 0% oil life left) (like oil dies). I'm trying to be calm and handle it all. Really. But now I'm sick. I can dodge the balls really well when I'm on top of my game, but now I'm getting hit with the panda heads and shoes (you just have to play Wii to get it).

Anyway, I'm hoping a solution will materialize by morning. A miracle, if you will. Virawan and little Natalie came for a visit this morning and we totally talked about miracles vs. luck. I believe in miracles. I guess faith is choosing to believe in miracles. And I believe a solution will present itself really soon (maybe before I hit the pillow in the next 20 minutes?). Miracles are all around us, and God blesses us with them daily. The more amazed we are at His goodness, the more He throws at us (unlike panda heads).

I have another list, but it just made it into file 13. I'm tired, and need some rest. I'm not sleeping so well right now. Night time is hard (last night it was guilt over changing MC's pump site), and today I couldn't nap for illness (difficulty breathing) and that ringing invention. Handy, but unhandy.

I saw Sunshine Cleaning was out on DVD, and it's supposed to be really good (never made it here on the big screen). Let me know if you like it! : ) I'm planning to get it at Redbox in the next week (when I feel like I can stay up two hours to watch it!)

Monday, August 24, 2009

Let's make a to-do list that I can't scratch off (and exists only in computer world..).I need to:__ Send thank you's to the precious people who care so much and who've sent donations to JDRF!!__ Clean my desk__ Go to bed early__ Smash the *gosh!#DaRn¿!* fly that keeps buzzing around my desk!__ Read all my magazines that keep filling my mailbox (that I keep on tap even though I never have the time to read)__ Empty the dishwasher__ Renew my driver's license in the next eleven days__ Reschedule Clay's ENT appointment__ Sign Clay up for fall baseball league__ Consider baby names__ Schedule Mary Claire's eye exam (to have eyes dialated) (NeVeR fun)

And I'll get all this done after I get lunches made, Monday Folders signed and filled out, order school t-shirts, check my email, check Facebook, check FB messages, clean the black beans off of Ethan's booster chair (spilled his plate in his lap at dinner), wash his clothes, and water the plants.

Yep, one of those days!It was fun-I got to plan for a better deck with my dad-he spent most of the day working on it (and shopping for it...), then I had lunch with two great friends, made it to my (not-the) doctor's appointment, had blood drawn (and was a Big Girl), then we played at Kendra's, then I tried to give the kids popsicles while I made dinner (but they ate them too quickly), then Ethan stripped naked, so I thought a bath would contain his little monkey body for 20 minutes. Well. Therein was my mistake.

It created another big, fat job (and thus another cyber checkmark) for me to work on. He decided "turn the water off when it covers the thighs" (my rule) was not sufficient. In all his baths (three today) (a billion elsewhere), he has learned to work the faucet. Or at least one side of it. Too bad it was the hot side. (well, only the cold would have been equally awful) He had filled it to the very tip top. And I don't mean, Ya Know, This High, I mean FULLLL! With the little helper drain at the top working it's heart out to empty the thing!

Yes, I did the dutiful panic-scream-get mad-panic-pull him out-get mad-try to get him to stop swirling around/splashing out-take off jewelry-pull up sleeve-pull the drain stopper up-get mad some more-dry the crying baby off-cause he was having fun-dry some more of the sides-dry him-ran to get my camera-cause when will there EVER be this much water in here again???

I came back to the kitchen to find sweet Mary Claire stirring the black beans I'd been making (cause they were bubbling/burning?), and the quesadilla was rather brown too. Ahh, motherhood. Conjures up some thoughts. Thankful for some of them, wondering if I'll stuff some of them... He should've known he was writing his own Early Bedtime Ticket. He'll learn. (I hope.)

So now they are all tucked safely in their beds, and I can't wait to do the same. They are all wearing me out! : O

ps-the doctor/nurse visit went well. They were very interested in my jewelry/dress/hair, and not so interested in my pregnancy. They kept saying, "well, this is all old news to you", "you already know all this", and "you should know all about this by now", etc. Umm. Can I just say that any time you have a LIFE growing inside you-it isn't Old Hat? All those old neuroses, and fears, and questions just pop right back up? Yes, you already know the questions, but you want all the reassurances Again? How to make that clear?

ps-Clay was an angel today, Mary Claire was good, but sleepy, tired, didn't feel good, and hungry; and Ethan was..well, you know the story.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Sun-kissed faces and pork loin-what a great day!We made it to church (and not late!), had pizza at Tim's for lunch, made our way home, then when Ethan went down for a nap, I took the kids out to swim while I played outside. Ches was busy mowing (which might be why Clay and I can't breathe through our noses tonight), and I cleaned up the deck, moved the table-not heavy, I promise. I made a big pile of all the stuff I wanted thrown away or moved to the garage! I cleaned up out by the pool too. I hate when it's all messy and the vacuum hose is piled by the table. It's just wrong. I also got to talk names with Mom for a while. : )

This evening I borrowed my friend, Jenifer's, power washer. We're going to wash off the deck, stain it, and then add a new rail (with metal railing). I'll post some pix when it's all done. I'm hoping my dad will help me. I called to bug him today, and I think he'll give in. He can do almost anything, and when he just tries, it's always perfect. I need this project to be :Over: so I can move on! It's been the bane of my existence all summer! : P

I'm still cleaning all the little things. There are so many. I am beginning to wonder if I need to start cleaning the kids' rooms while they are at school! They shove stuff under their beds, leave their dirty clothes till I want to scream, and the shoes? They leave them everywhere! Right now, I make them do everything, but they aren't so good. It's okay, but it takes them time, and they don't have as much when school is in session! I know it's easier to do it myself, but I'm trying to teach them cleanliness and responsibility. They are starting to balk less when they have to put away their laundry. Finally.

I came in from pool-sitting (including jump judging, argument administration, and swimming/safety supervision) only to realize it was dinner time! I had a pork loin (you simply must try the preseasoned ones!!) in the refrigerator, so I wrapped it in foil, and put it in the oven! I managed to keep the drippy kids on the deck with some popsicles, crayons, and notebooks. It lasted a good thirty minutes!! A mountain of time that I used to get dinner ready!

They swam more this evening while I ran over (well, drove) to Jen's to get the power washer. I ReALLy want to use it, but they recommended Ches do it. I just love power tools, and anything with a motor is FuN! I promise to rein it in, so don't worry. I can't promise not to get involved with the deck rail though! : ) I can't wait! (But I've never cut iron before...will that be necessary?)

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Just ask me where me where I am! No, really. I’m at Fayetteville Athletic Club (yes, where I don’t have a membership). I’m here with Mary Claire selling sneakers for JDRF to fund research for a cure. It’s a tough sell. No one brings money with them to the gym. I tried to use reason with the powers that be, but I’m totally doing what I’m told. I’m just hoping I don’t end up buying them all. I’ve already bought two to entertain Mary Claire! And I don’t have anything less than a $20, so here’s hoping we sell some! : )

*Update: We did! We sold about 20-25 sneakers, and two shirts! : )

The two biggest things going on in my life: higher metabolism (should be a good thing) and my ongoing sleepiness. I’m either sleeping or eating. I eat, and within an hour, I’m hungry! I’ve been eating yogurt, drinking milk and juice, trying to add protein, extra fruit, and still hungry. And so thirsty.

I started a blog post yesterday, but never finished it. I’ve been cleaning so much (laundry room, office, my bedroom, the bathrooms, changing sheets, etc.) that I just didn’t have time!

Clay had a soccer game today too! He did well; he stayed with the ball up and down the field, and three times he got it turned around. He’s getting better. He had to miss some practice right after his surgery, but he’s working at it, and seems to be having fun! There was a kid who isn’t very nice to him at school, and he saw him today. They said hi, and it seemed to be okay. He just tries to be friends with everyone, and it hurts his feelings when someone is mean back to him. He’s working on it. They are both really smart, and read together in their 6th grade books, but it’s getting old for Clay. Hopefully it’ll change this year? Maybe the kid grew up this summer? I hope so!

I had a bad dream last night. You never know what they mean. I dreamed I was yelling at Clay, trying to get him to be quiet or something. It made me so upset, and I tried to tell Ches about it, but he was really asleep. I went up and hugged and kissed on Clay, and kept asking him if he could hear me. He finally nodded yes (more or less, to get me to leave!), then I had to hug on Mary Claire too. She never woke up. I came downstairs and prayed for the kids and our family. I just don’t know if it’s my anxiety coming up, some old guilt ?, or just some yucky dream. It worried me, and I hated to see the yuck coming from me and hurting me. I know it’s just a dream, but sometimes they crystallize what’s in your head. I remember when Clay was little, and Mary Claire was born, sometimes he’d walk on her hands, or not be nice to her, and it made me so mad. I’m sure he was just jealous, but I think I worry Ethan might have that jealousy: going from baby to big brother.

We are taking name suggestions. We are still liking one of our old names, and have a couple new ones. We like the E’s, A’s, M’s, and C’s. We want it to go along with the kids’ names. When I pick up a name book, I get so overwhelmed! There are so many to choose from, they all mean different things, and last night I found a book that encourages you to rank each name you like in 10 different categories (like gender obviousness, if you like the initials, etc.). I can’t say I’ll be doing that one. I mean, if it’s your first, you’ve got some time on your hands. Can’t say I do.

Last night, Ches and I went out. We had some PF Chang’s for dinner, then shopped a little (and saw the crazy Inglorius Basterds). I had a great trip into Brighton, and was told on my way to, “Find something for your birthday!” so I did. I found a great watch, some earrings, and a bracelet that went with some of the earrings! Fun, fun, fun. Boy, I do love to shop, and jewelry never fails to be fun! I got some of the new earrings that you can add little hang-y things too like my bracelet that I change the charms on. I got some rhinestone-covered hearts, big rhinestones, and rhinestone-studded cuffs to hang on the hoops. I got some adorable crosses, and some studs too. I have lost two pair of earrings in the last week, so I had to replace them! I don’t know if I left them in Ocean City, or if I came back with them they’ve been gone so long. I’m happy with my new ones, so I’m going to quit looking! : ) I figure I can’t buy clothes for my birthday, only stuff that I can wear for a while. Yes, don’t worry, shoes are next. Ethan starts school on Sept. 8th, so I’ll fit in some time for shoes! : )

Ethan swam today! He was in his swimmy suit (Speedo with foam all around him), and he kicked his feet, moved his arms, and swam across the water! Miracle. I was so impressed! He’s a sweetie, and he’s been in the water since he was born, so it really doesn’t surprise me. I’m just glad he figured it out! He stripped down naked when the kids were going inside, and tried to swim again-only to go under. I’m just glad he realizes the suit helps him, so he won’t go jumping in just any old time!

Hug your kids and tell them you love them! I hope we both have good (nice talking) dreams tonight! : )

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Does the guilt ever stop? I have guilt if I pick out the kids' clothes, if I don't, if I brush their teeth, if I let them do it alone. It goes on and on. Today I was crazy busy getting the kids ready to go back to their first day of school! I got them up earlier than last year, but thinking I had all the time in the world, I took too long upstairs. We were behind, and it got so rushed. I hate them leaving like that. We did get to pray for them and their teachers on the way to school, but it still felt like we could've done better. I think it's partly since Ches had to go into work early, and with the kids needing help, I looked gross. I really would have liked to have gone into the school to take pictures, but I just couldn't. Ethan cried, "School!" and really wanted to go inside. ..Anyway, my real point was that I had guilt I didn't go in with the kids, ugly or not. They'll only got to second and third grade once. God willing.

Both kids are now in the "green" hall, and therefore Big Kids. I can't pick them up in the front anymore. It's a whole new ball of wax on the west side of the school. There are two lines (crazy) for one lane of traffic. There are two outside doors along the same side of the road, and the parents do this crazy (I told you) braiding/driving thing where they wait in two lines (and you have to be psychic to know this if it's your first year) and the older (4th and 5th grade) kids get picked up from the first door (right lane closest to the sidewalk), then the younger big kids (2nd and 3rd) get picked up at the second door, so the 2/3 parents wait patiently over in the left lane next to the teachers' cars, and when a 4/5 parent pulls away from the sidewalk toward the left (in front of the 2/3 parent), then the 2/3 parent pulls all the way right to the sidewalk to get close to the 2/3 door. It is the craziest thing I've ever heard of. They do this trade-off/braiding of traffic that isn't orchestrated by anything other than politeness as sometimes it's two or three cars at a time, and I can't help but wonder: has anyone ever crashed (2/3 parent pulling across traffic to the right, 4/5 parent pulling across traffic to the left)? Seriously?

PG Update:It finally hit me today. Tonight more precisely. I am exhausted-and can't stop. I feel this need to do all I can before I get huge (I always do). I have cleaned up my summer shoes in my closet, cleared out two stacks of magazines (the side effect of getting so many subscriptions!). I started cleaning off my dresser, took out five shoe boxes (yes, I really like shoes, and I keep thinking the kids will have to bring a shoe box to school for a project...), a bag of trash, cleaned my nightstand, and I'm only getting started. I hate clutter, yet it resides with me. How do you get it to move out?

So, what stopped my delirium was the book I ran across in my cleaning frenzy: Kids' Rooms. I bought it months ago-maybe last year?-when it caught my eye at Lowe's. It's so fun and colorful, and inspiring. I love color (like you didn't know that), and it's full! So...then my mind started racing again: a room, a name.. I have to do some planning.

I'm all cuddled up in bed (my earliest night in a few weeks!) with my laptop and my (fairly) new book. Names can wait...rooms are so much more fun! There are so many decisions to make..where to put the sweet angel, what will it be and where will she/he fit in... Ches asked if we should start an addition, but I think seriously not. We'll be fine for a couple years, and we'll figure it out just fine. I hate to deal with workers (even when they are sweet). I have just had all the painters here in the spring, and the dust is still settling: we found paint dust in our air conditioning filters! (We have the nice thick wire ones that you wash and the attract the dust (allergens?) by electrostatic, and Ches took them down to do the washing (don't even get me started), and they were covered. Gross. Now I'm regretting the day I turned the a/c on to cool the house/workers/Ethan napping, and it sucked the plastic down... for more reasons than one.

I shall have to locate a baby book soon. I've lost my What to Expect When You're Expecting book (and I even bought a second one last go 'round since I loaned out my first copy). Kendra said she knows where hers is, so she's going to loan it to me. I have forgotten so much. I had a headache today, and I took some Tylenol-one of the only things I remember you can have except for Tums. And I'm trying to be good. Let's see how long it lasts

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Well. It's out there. And walking around (or..not) and telling other people!

So, I greet you, sweet readers, with my biggest news in quite a while! I've decided to make my life busier (or God has Great Faith in me!). We just found out that I'm pregnant. There are a million questions hanging in the air, and I can hardly answer any of them. : ) I'm excited, and I think that's all that counts.

My doctor had told me back in January that if we wanted any more kids, it needed to be by the time I was 37 (next September), so he only gave me till Christmas to try, if that's what I decided. I had never had a pop-up timer set on me, and it was incredible pressure. I debated and prayed for a while. I really couldn't make a decision. On good days with the kids, I thought maybe I could handle another, but on bad days, I knew I was done with that song and dance. Well, I decided to let God decide since I had no clear answer (or was ignoring His answers?). I just walked out on a limb and decided to have great faith. A couple of months ago, I thought maybe I was pregnant, took a test, and I was not. I was (surprising to me!) kind of disappointed. I didn't know until then that I even wanted a baby for sure. Really. It happened like that. So, we tried a little harder (heehee). This month, I had some malfunctioning tests (one that didn't absorb, umm..liquid, and one that didn't have ANY lines-not even the "control" line). Talk about stressful. Ches went and bought the newest fancy tests: Digital! If you can imagine. They are not iffy or confusing, and there's no misinterpretation. So after the two bad ones, I took the fancy test, and got a very definitive No. I was sad, but this past week, I prayed some more, and decided I was fine with the great kids I already have. I "told" God that I was okay with not having more, and I was happy (He must've been laughing mighty hard). So when I took the last of the digitals on Sunday, I was quite surprised to see it say, "Yes". I was just so confused and surprised, and a little scared, mix it all up with nervousness (or is anxiety a better word?). That was me. I cried and was so shaky-I was just shocked that God would yet again put his faith in me (literally). I know this baby is a gift from God, and we will dutifully raise him or her the best we can. Babies and little people are not easy (even when they're all packed tightly inside you..), but you learn so much about yourself, your family, your partner, your life-it magnifies things. When you see happiness looking back at you, you feel so content. You see your mark on them, and it's wonderful. Every thank you that comes from them came from you. Every hug they give their friend or brother came from you. The desire to give to others came from you. You know you've made the world a better place. At least until the yelling begins again.

I will set out on a new adventure with wind in my sails. It won't always be calm seas, but I've seen it and done it before. I'll just have to work on putting me on the schedule again. Naps? Check. I got my first one today! : )

Oh, the only answer I can give is that I'm due around April 26th. Yes, 2010. Sounds so futuristic!

Monday, August 17, 2009

I can just say I'm pleased as punch (now, where on Earth did that saying come from??) with my kids' school and their new teachers. They are both so sweet, and I think we'll have a great year! They also got some great kids in their classes, so it'll be nice for them to spread out and make new friends (and enjoy the ones they already love!). I cried when I saw Mrs. Collier, Mary Claire's old teacher. She just absolutely adored Mary Claire, and she was such a good teacher. Even at the beginning, she was scared to death to teach Mary Claire, but she braved it, and succeeded. And might I say, she did a great job. Don't you find that the people that are scared (honest), are so much easier to teach than the ones who think they can do anything (and with too much confidence?). You just go easier (or slower?) on them or something. Then you feel like you were a decent teacher and they made real progress. I love that she was honest about being scared. We knew where we stood. Ok, there's life after Mrs. Collier. Precious woman of God.

Honestly, they've never had a bad teacher. They've all been wonderful. I can see why Mrs. Doshier can stand behind her school. They're all great! : ) We feel very fortunate to be in this district (although we worked very hard to get here!)

I couldn't sleep this morning-I had excitement in my tummy. Heehee. I had big news to share with my mom, and a million things to accomplish. I made dinner and dessert for a fellow church family for dinner, got the kids ready for the back to school open house, worked on helping mom figure out Facebook and add friends! : ) and talked to some friends on the phone while I worked, ironed, made some monogrammed cups (and monogrammed..), etc.

Oh, I also aired out my house around 10am. Did you see all the windows and doors open? Yeah, it was a little bit smoky. I got so busy on the phone, I walked into my bedroom, left some butter melting on the stovetop, and Wa-La-Magic-Peanut-Butter-Sandwiches! Black stuff stuck in the pot and SmOkE! Ick. Ethan didn't even wander out the doors! Real Magic.I was heating the butter to saute the veggies for the soup, and it was either too hot or too long. How long was I on the phone? Just don't try this at home.

My other big mistake (seems I can't multitask as well as I thought I could) was the brownies. I made the first batch on autopilot (added the chocolate chips by memory as Ethan was helping) and forgot the pecans on top. I took them out as the timer buzzed. Umm, an hour or two later as I started cutting them, I realized I never checked them! They were gooey-even the edges weren't perfect. I started another batch right away. I wasn't on the phone, so guess what happened? Yeah, perfect. Not burned, just moist, and CooKeD! Yum. I gave them away, and my family had goo for dessert tonight. I think they loved them! Clay did ask me this morning why I always make brownies for other people and not our family (punch to my gut). What do you say? How do you answer? Your sister has diabetes so we try to avoid dessert? Not. I can't defend myself in front of her. Even tonight after her bath, she asked me how I do all the extra work she needs (in tears). And what do you say to that one? I just told her I loved her, and I'd do whatever it took! Oh, how hard parenting can be. Harder than cooking and multitasking and cleaning smoke and praying for their school and teachers all at the same time.

Ok, what are you doing next April? Do you desire to make me a meal? Entertain my kiddos? Wash my car? Mow the lawn? Let's talk help here. : )

Sunday, August 16, 2009

I just threw up in my throat. Again! It has to stop. I have run out of my Protonix (remember my reflux problem that was causing my sore throat and missing voice?), and my problem seems to have intensified. It burns and really aggravates me! I have eaten three Tums-maybe it'll tone down my acid? I know. A call to my doctor is the only solution. : )

The reason I didn't blog on Thursday (and maybe Friday...) was because of Mary Claire's endocrinology appointment at Children's Hospital. It was an emotional visit, which I didn't expect, and one for which I wasn't prepared.

We made the long drive Thursday morning (which took me longer than I'd allowed!), and had a great lunch with our friends Junko and Emily. It was a wonderful visit-the girls just played and we got to talk diabetes. I don't have that many friends who have kids with diabetes, and we can always learn something from one another (and I think the girls do too!).

We went into the doctor, and everything was going well. But then it all came crashing down. Dr. Morales has insisted that Mary Claire use alternate pump sites (the location where her pump tubing clicks into a site/port that goes under her skin and gets changed every three days). Anyway, we've had some high blood sugars, and she thinks our sites might be part of the problem. After you've used the same location(s) over and over and over (five years to be exact), you build up scar tissue. Her doctors have been telling us this for years. She needed to try other site locations: tummy, back of her arm, front of her thigh, etc. She wouldn't hear of it, and I just blindy believed that if we kept the sites healthy, changed, moved them around, that she'd be okay. I didn't think she'd build up scar tissue. I just didn't. It was my baby, and I wanted to do whatever would make her most comfortable (second in line after not having it at all). So, now she actually has scar tissue. That's why we've seen some highs in the last couple of weeks.

Long(er) story short, I changed her site this morning (after another high), and she was still 246 this morning! I tried her tummy for a site after much bribing (two new outfits from Gymboree-watermelons and cakes/dots), dinner out, time with Gigi, etc.). She cried the entire time, wanted medicine, needed loving and hugs, and was generally pathetic. Now I'm the Bad Guy. I hate that. I don't have a choice. I have to do what works to keep her alive, and moving her sites around is that option. If she goes back to shots (uh, no thanks!), she could give her bottom a rest, but that's not really an option either. I'm between a rock and a hard place here. So, give me a break, say some prayers, and give me some suggestions?

The other thing that the doctor said we had to do was drop two snack times and add more protein to her meals. That is tough since MY BABY LOVES HER FOOD! Especially her snacks. It's about the only joy she gets right now. So, this week as school gets ready to start (another even crashing into our schedule!), we are having to wean her rather quickly. She's going to drop her morning snack, and her 1:30 school snack. She's used to having them (especially all summer!), but they have to go. Her doctor said, and I quote, "She isn't a baby, and she has to stop eating like one! She is a big girl, and doesn't need all those snacks!" This comes after they (Arkansas Children's Hospital) taught me to care for her, set up our meal plan, and I dutifully obeyed. Well. Now the dietician (precious Lisa who helped us at diagnosis five years ago), says they don't teach all the snacks and frequent eating to maintain blood sugars anymore. They've had tons of kids have real trouble breaking the habit, so they've ceased the teachings. Fine time to tell me.

At first it was mucho difficulto. It has gotten easier, as she's eating larger meals. Like breakfast today was oatmeal (33 grams), scrambled eggs (good protein, no carbs), and two slices of toast (24 grams), and fit right into her 40-60 gram breakfast recommended by Lisa. She used to just eat one thing, but we are having to play with protein (such fun!). She can also combine yogurt, but no bread then. It's working, but requiring me to CoOk in the morning hours! : O Can I keep it up? and for how long?

So call me the Emotional Bad Guy (Girl?) who gets to take it from both sides. It's never easy being a parent. And where's that manual I requested?

Any good suggestions for breakfasts or lunches with protein? (that are not loaded down with fat?)

Friday, August 14, 2009

Sweet memories are flooding back. I have all these memories of my childhood, my family, and just being little-when all you worried about was finding your shoes, and not slamming the door on the way out (or leaving it open too long, or you hear, "Shut the door!"). I have found some cousins I haven't seen in absolute ages (amounts to about 20 years, give or take?). They were beautiful things I adored getting together with-just to play at Grandma's house. It just takes me back to visits, eating with extended family, my grandma's pork chops, her letting me make the mashed potatoes, playing out back on her stained concrete (before it was in style), spending the night in her room with the windows open listening to the train or the cicadas, sitting in her old crabapple tree out front, pretending it was a fort, or collecting a coffee can (remember those?) full of crabapples to do nothing with. Oh, happy times. Now the tree is gone, the house is sold, my grandma is in Heaven, but I have my pocket full of memories. Memories no one can take away. Things turn golden over time, don't they? I'm so glad.

There was a time when I spent the night with my grandma and I was in sixth grade. I was supposed to go to the Little Olympics the next day. My grandma drove me dutifully to the field where the games were, and I'd practiced so hard for two weeks, and (as I remember) I had the fastest time (or one of the fastest times?) of the other kids who were practicing for the obstacle course. My grandma pulled up and parked, and I couldn't get out. I don't know what happened. I don't know if I knew she was going to drive away alone (and geez, she didn't even drive across Hwy 71Business, and she was on the other side of it! and how would she get home alone?), she couldn't stay (for fear?), or if I was scared to get out and go up there alone. I don't know. All these things flashed through my head: my team not winning without me, me not finding my school/team/friends, me alone, my grandma alone, the afternoon I'd miss with her if I stayed. It was all too much. I just sat frozen in the car (back when you could sit in the front seat. And maybe not even wear a seat belt?). She just said, "Let's go home." And we did. I felt awful: for my team, for my fear, for my grandma, for how things would go in life. I just had this feeling. I had a good afternoon, and we went to the library (our usual), and she shared her love of books with me, and we probably had frozen pizza and refrigerated Reese's. Two things I don't eat now without remembering her. Anyway, I wouldn't trade the afternoon for anything now. Gold medal, or no.

So, this brings me back to my cousins. I love them, and I love that we share history. And the blood of family. It seems I have less family every year, so I cherish what I have while I have it. I hope my kids carry some history on to their kids. Don't you wonder what little things will stick in their minds?

What memories do you still carry around?

A few more of mine: Eagles blaring in the car-me in the back seat, getting Nerds at the gas station, washing dishes with an apron, fingerpainting on the sidewalk (yes, on paper), playing dolls, playing Star Wars, more music: Johnny Lee, Oliva Newton John, Princess Diana's wedding, roast beef, carrots, and potatoes, chocolate pies, old cars, no air conditioning, the Dukes of Hazzard, Love Boat and Fantasy Island, Wile E. Coyote, Fruity Pebbles, Kangaroos, lots of rainbows, purple Nikes, sleepovers, I think I could go on all night. : )

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I'm getting ready to pay for Mary Claire's thumb sucking. Literally. Currently to the tune of $2200. Cough, cough

I took all three kids (yeah, seriously!) to the dentist yesterday. The first 10 or 15 minutes was just dandy: they all brushed their teeth at the sink, then Mary Claire got a full head xray (can't remember the "correct" xray name), and the boys played a car video game (well, the best they could, it was Nintendo) until their names were called. I held Ethan and he watched Mary Claire and Clay get their teeth cleaned.

It went smoothly until it was his turn to lay down. Um, yeah. He DiDn'T lay down. No way-he could see (sense?) what was coming! He would have none of that fancy personal tv and plastic-coated headphones stuff. He was staying upright to avoid his oral crevice being examined, or worse yet-cleaned! They brushed his teeth very gently, and told him he could have a toy when he was done. Well, in his head, toy meant "train", but in reality it meant a soccer-printed bouncy ball (SO not the same thing). So, he cried about the toy, told them, "No want the soccer ball" and gave it back. Then when the dentist wanted to examine his teeth, Ethan freaked out, cried (which he does during teeth brushing every night), and we carried on. It was expected and not the end of the world, but then, more.

They wanted to schedule me for Mary Claire an FPE (can't find it online to show you), a small device anchored to her molars to spread out her top teeth (which became too highly arched during thumb-sucking) since now her she has a cross bite (her top teeth are inside of her bottom teeth. Yes, truly caused by the thumb-sucking and tongue thrusting.

Anyway, our dental insurance doesn't appear to cover orthodontics, and we don't think our medical does either. So..where's the orthodontic insurance? Where's our back-up? Umm, please step forward. This does not excite me. I could buy lots of clothes and purses for $2200. This is so going to crush my weekend in Branson on Labor Day. Poo.

Some of you know I dabble in dressing my kids alike (well, most times). It's just fun, and really easy actually. Once you have purchased the matching clothes, you let one kid choose what to wear, all the others fall into place, and Easy-Peasy, Lemon-Squeezey. And you thought it was for show. Ha. Anyway, Clay was so frustrated this morning because Ethan's shirt didn't match his exactly. Ethan had a large appliqued plane on his t-shirt, and Clay had a polo shirt with a tiny plane as it's insignia. He was so mad that they didn't match exactly! He didn't care that their plaid shorts were absolutely identical, he was shirt-focused. This is a terrible side effect. How could I have seen this coming? That Clay LoVeS to dress like Ethan? So, clothing manufacturers...Make Clothes that Really Match! No Coordinating for my boys, only identical CLoTheS!

Oh, and we found a tortoise/turtle in our yard!! With very long claws-a good 3/4 to one inch out away from the foot! Ches freaked out (my words) and kinda slung him, Clay cried since I wouldn't let him carry the box with the tortle, and Ethan wanted to play with him. Everyone was covered in wet grass, and wanted to stomp through the house. Why-oh-why did I tell them there was a tortle outside? Note to self: if you can imagine bad side effects/aftershocks, don't do it!

I'm so doggone tired. I stayed up late looking for extended family on Facebook last night, then got up early (shower, clean up house, make bed) since we were to have company early, then they didn't come. Ethan spent all morning pulling up all my blinds, finding bugs (thankfully dead ones) (pretending to be a kitty cat in the windowsill), and wrecking his "airplane" and therefore spilling out the people. I desperately need a nap, Ches is at work, and Ethan is still partying in his bed. Please go to sleep, little monkey! I'm so tired. : (

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Ok, I'm asking nicely. P L E A S E register to walk with us (NOW!) for our JDRF Walk to Cure on September 12. We have had crushingly (if that's a word) high blood sugars this week, and type 1 diabetes is so hard to control. We desperately need a cure, and we've been told (and we place our belief, hope, and faith in it) that there will be a cure in the next 10 years. We need the research to get us there. Please help us.

I'm sending out our letters this week, so you'll get a second request... If I don't have your mailing address, you may leave it in a comment below. I will continue to badger you daily. Really. It's that important to us.

I'll have a Mary Claire's Friends Who Care team t-shirt for each walker again this year. If you'd like to register your children (all of 'em!), your mother, grandmother, brother, sister, aunt, best friend, etc. send them the message!! If you donate over $100 to JDRF, you will receive a free JDRF 2009 Walk shirt also.

I mean, what better things have you got to do??? You may think it's hard to find us (just keep calling my cell phone till we link up!), you may be socially nervous (and who isn't?), you may not know Mary Claire that well (she'd love to get to know you!), maybe you'd rather sleep in (could you find another Saturday, just this once?), you may not be in the mood (she's not in the mood to have diabetes this year either), you may have something else that day (is it REALLY at 9am also? It only takes about 30 minutes for the route we take, the Mary Claire Short Cut-last to start, first to finish! but you didn't hear it here!), you don't like to walk (could you sit in a lawn chair and stake out a piece of park for our lunch location?), I haven't heard all the excuses, but in my five years of team walking, I've heard most of them. I don't like them. I don't want stupid diabetes in my child's life, and do I get a choice? NO. So walk, and share my burden. Just try it.If it sucks, you don't have to come in 2010. (But, I won't promise not to try to get you to go again next year.)

If you are registered already, bless you. If you aren't, click here:Click Here to Register to Walk then enter our team name: Mary Claire's Friends Who Care and the team captain: Holly Jones

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Remember my sweet husband? Yeah, we argued today. It was just over who was going to clean the kitchen after dinner, and who would take the kids out to swim. I think I overreacted since I like to clean (weird, I know), and do it my way. And I didn't think it was fair to take Ethan and Mary Claire out when Clay couldn't swim (still some blood coming from his nose, and he can't get his ears too wet yet). So I had an argument all the way around. Only he doesn't argue (set up from day one-he knows I hate confrontation). So he just helped clean up (after some words about what he does that I don't see or appreciate, and what I do that he doesn't appreciate-our version of an argument), then we gave the kids baths, and had a good game of Monopoly Jr. with the kids during the iFight (iCarly) movie. I won (really!), and Mary Claire quit since she was so into the movie!

I've been cooking for Clay. He's had eggs (scrambled), oatmeal, cheeses, black, refried, and kidney beans, puddings, a bag and a half of marshmallows, and tonight he wanted mashed potatoes (with real potatoes), gravy, and spaghetti. It was work, but good. The amazing thing was I filled up Mary Claire-which is next to impossible! She actually didn't finish her spaghetti, so I had to stop her square wave bolus since I'd given her insulin for all her dinner (I had to weigh the noodles she didn't eat, figure the insulin for them, and back it off what I'd already given her).

Anyway, we are transitioning back into school-time schedule and trying to get the kids to bed at a decent time. We read stories, which we haven't done since we were on vacation (-insert guilt here-)! It was so nice. It actually made me sleepy-I had forgotten the side effect! I laid around on my bed (without the sheets since I washed them and they were in the laundry room-yes, just lazy). Now Ches has moved his tv watching party to the bedroom, so we are enjoying Terminator 2: Judgment Day. Ok, I mean Ches enjoys it (and explaining the latest movie, and all previous Terminator movies, and how they all fit together), and I cringe at every stabbing and arm-twisting and all the black (seriously-it's always night,Schwarzenegger has black clothes on, and there's death at every turn!).

Since the kids are in bed earlier, they'll be up earlier. The second side effect to our school-time schedule! I need them to be up by seven at the latest for school, so we have to work on this for a week or two! But that means we have to curtail our nightly tv parties soon!

Friday, August 7, 2009

My husband is not perfect, but he is so sweet in so many ways. (He does drip sweat across my floors, and mow really too often, and sometimes yawns when I'm talking...but don't you?) He makes sure that I get to see all the movies that I say, "I really want to see That One!" He bought tickets on Wednesday for the new movie, Julie & Julia that we saw tonight. He even got us there almost 45 minutes early so we'd have great seats. It was a wonderful movie. Maybe you need to like Julia Child, maybe you need to think she's funny and real, and maybe you need to see a person grow. I just needed it, and wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. At the end, Julie finds out that Julia doesn't really like her (in her words), and it crushes her. I felt for her. But her husband is there to say that she doesn't need that Julia, she has the one in her head that IS proud of her, and appreciates what she's doing, and taking it seriously. You just need to see it. All the way through the movie, you see how Julia's husband just loves her and supports her. It just makes me thankful for my husband, who supports me (except in a business endeavor...), makes sure I see the Good Movies, makes me laugh, watches Jimmy Kimmel with me, brings me water, and keeps me in fun stationery. (I should mention I got the most adorable/beautiful embosser today! I've been waiting on it for a couple weeks! They custom made it-only out of sucky white hard plastic-y stuff instead of the expected MeTaL it should be. Anyway, it embosses my monogram into paper or envelopes, but warns me not to use it on cardstock or note cards-which I'd been planning, and it's So Not Returnable.) Anyway, I'm thankful for him-God knew just what I needed! : )

Tomorrow, Clay is supposed to have a boy scout meeting/bbq/swim party, but he might get to 66% of that. Ches is planning (unless he's still having the erratic bleeding..) to take him to the meeting, eat, then come home. There's just no way he'll be ready to swim. He has another soccer practice on Tuesday, but I doubt he'll be able to practice by then! I can't believe it's taking so long for his nose to stop bleeding. Every time he gets up, moves quickly, or gets excited, it bleeds again. He hates the pain medicine (which I should thank my lucky stars for!), and doesn't want to take it. The thing is, it keeps him down. So, when he's not on it, he is playing around. I had to keep him in his room with a tv today. He did alright when he stayed in there! Keep praying for my baby. He's been so huggy, cuddly, and sweet. It's precious that I'm getting the old Clay back, if even for a week or two! Sometimes he can act so tough and grown up!

Well, do you remember the clean under-the-stairs-closet? Well, it's gone. Vanished. Into thin air. Well, really I guess it disappeared slowly as junk got added to it. It happened right under my nose. It is now stocked with more stuff that shouldn't be in there. It's my Holding Cell. It holds the things until they move on to their right places. Including: Mary Claire's perfumery (which she's used almost all of), my vacuum cleaner (it's his home, really), wrapping paper box, Pottery Barn sale stuff, books on sale at Borders (yes, too amazing to pass up, so I bought 3 bags worth. But they were on sale!), school supplies (on sale too.. and they won't be all year!), books from book orders for kids' surprises, etc. I'm really beginning to see a pattern now that I type it out. It's my Sale Closet. I know, I know. It's not a good deal if I don't need it. But-I might one day!(I figure it's not a run-on paragraph, but it's not quite a new subject..) And I'm back to the land of piles. I keep meaning to pick them up, but they are breeding. I have piles of art/pictures, piles of medical supplies, piles of magazines (they just keep coming!), piles of books, piles of beach towels, piles of laundry, I should stop now. I am really not a messy person. I don't know how they start or how they don't dissipate. I mean, they just get to be part of the scenery, and just kinda fit in. There's just not time to clear them. That may be my new goal. Mission: Dissolving Piles. Hey! Maybe my sweet husband will help me! : )

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Today is the big Surgery Day. We’re at the hospital right now. He’s been taken back to get gas, and then a breathing tube and an iv after he’s out. He’s a little nervous, but he’ll be fine. He’s a little excited, and has been counting the days until surgery! He’s excited about breathing better. I read in the parent info that he may not breathe better for a week or two, and that worried him. The doctor said probably sooner than that. She’s so sweet.

They will take out his adnoids (adenoidectomy-don’t you just love English? You can add –ectomy to anything!), put in PE (pressure equalizing) tubes in his ears, and check out his terbinates. They will probably have to be reduced since they didn’t get much smaller during the last two weeks with our friend, the Nose Spray, of whom he was not fond!

*I can hear a small child screaming. Waking up is scary and disorienting. This reminds me of when Mary Claire and Ethan got their tubes in… hope it goes better today.

The anesthesiologist was so nice. His son had similar surgery (adnoids and tonsils) two weeks ago, and was telling us about his son, Ian. He had to stay on the prescription (Tylenol with codeine) to keep a handle on the pain. He said it was pretty rough for a week, which is Soooo Not what I was expecting. Ches was planning to take him to his first soccer practice (of the season) tonight. I don’t think he’ll make it (nor should he). I think Ches just wants him to meet his new coach and the kids on his team. But, I think he’ll be too sleepy from his medication to go.

*Ok, the screaming has stopped, so I’m better now.

Ches has gone to get some drinks and lunch. We figured we’d better eat before he comes back. He’ll get his pick of drinks/fluids, but he can’t eat hard food for a while-maybe even a week! Especially his precious veggies. He can’t have hard (raw) fruits or veggies for two weeks. He might just cry when he finds out!

House Update: I helped Mom again night before last to paint the kitchen. All that’s left is painting the hallway and the front door. We’re almost there! Say a prayer that it’ll sell soon! Know anyone who needs a house? In Cave Springs with some land? : ) It’s soo much better! Especially now that it’s gotten some loving.

*Another child crying…

School starts in 13 days. I can’t believe it’s almost time! It’s funny how the kids just counted the days till summer, and now they are counting days till they go back. I was seriously considering home schooling them, but it’s not going to happen. First, I don’t really have support. Ches really doesn’t think I should do it (he does however support them going to Catholic school), and Mom doesn’t either. They both think I need time to do my busywork (anywhere from laundry and groceries to meeting with friends to decorating houses to sewing and embroidering to cardmaking and scrapbooking to cooking and helping others, etc.). I do have a huge to-do list. I’d like to think I could put “my” life on hold to help my kids, but maybe it’s not in the cards for me this year. I’m okay with that. Sometimes the people around you can see into your crystal ball better than you can! And…I can see into theirs better than they can! That’s why God gave us families and sweet friends. : )

Another idea I’m toying with (but got turned down for the third time)…I just think I need a shop. Or store. Or play place away from home (another reason I shouldn’t homeschool?). I found a good location, and want to revitalize an area that needs some fun, and Ches told me again it’s not the right time. I think he wants all the kids in school first, and he likes me home. I do agree that someone has to run the house (pay bills, laundry, groceries, cook, make the bed, watch the yard, etc.), and who better to do it? I think a woman is the perfect person to home-make. I just want more. I can see why so many women work these days. I really do. There is this old (unspoken) argument over which (or who) is better: the mom who stays home and sacrifices her education and income to nurture her children or the mom who continues to work while her kids are in daycare (and eventually school). There is no clear cut winner. They both struggle, just with different issues (like missing their kids vs. want to get away from the kids for a few minutes). I just GeT it. Anyway, I won’t have a business/shop anytime in the immediate future.

Ps-Clay’s out, and he’s okay. Little tough right at first, but we’re 40 minutes away from going home now. He’s up to popsicles, so there’s progress.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Sorry about my last post. I mega-edited it, and therefore took out half of the content (ie: my obsessing). It was just too much. Sorry if you caught it. : (

So. We were planning to go camping last night, just me and Mary Claire with the girl scouts. She was (and is) so high, it just wasn't okay to be away from home. She was 268 this morning, and at lunch, she was 396. I know-horrible. She's just so thirsty (nasty side effect that helps your body rehydrate and flush blood sugar).

To compensate for not going, we took her to a (sugar free) tea party in Bentonville at the Crumpet Tea Room (Express-not to be confused with the old Crumpet Tea Room in Rogers, as they "haven't been associated in years"). She got all dressed up-on her own-in Sunday's church dress (I made no comment), and her pearls. She also dressed up Bella (her unicorn best friend) in a fancy dress that matched her Easter dress last year, and Elizabeth (my Lee Middleton doll that she's adopted for her own) in some of her old baby clothes-precious. So, we picked up Gigi and headed to Bentonville. She chose Ginger Peach tea in a teapot (and got unmatched teacups and saucers for her and Bella). She poured the tea, "sweetened" it, creamed it, and declared it "creamific" (she said it was creamy and terrific all mixed together)!

We went into a gift shop next door (Final Touch, I think), and looked at all their goodies. Gigi chose a beautiful Vera Bradley notebook with all sorts of fun things and a set of clippies to segregate all her musings. Then we went by Wal-Mart-the Bentonville is sooo different! And they were in the midst of moving and remodeling. We told Mary Claire she could spend $10 (I guess you can put a price tag on I'm Sorry), and she looked for almost an hour! The Barbie toys were split up between the old spot and the new location, so that required some time-and memory! She chose a Polly Pocket set, and was very happy with it. So happy, that she could barely wait to check out to open it! It was fun, and that was important to compensate for the loss of the camping.

Back at home, Ches was also compensating! He'd set up the new tent he got the kids. They were just sure they were going to sleep out under the stars last night! I stayed out with them (and my new Off! fans) until 10pm. I wanted them good and tired to SlEeP! Well. After I came in and started to get Ethan to bed (I know, wayy to late!), Mary Claire came in saying it was too hot out there! Not long afterward, Clay came in crying saying he wanted her to stay with him. So, he decided to stay inside, and wanted to know if I cared. ha! I wanted him in all along, but telling them what you think just backfires a lot, so I was glad he'd made the decision on his own! : )

Today it's been a revolving door of in-and-out. Because of the tent. And Ethan. It's been crazy! And we've had two peepee accidents. Ugh. We are back on the m&m routine, which is effective. I keep phasing it out after a good week of no accidents. Anyway, they are outside now (in the nasty heat), and I'm getting ready to check her again. She wants a go-gurt, but 396 is too high to eat! : O

Ok, 346. Too high to eat again. And she's throwing a fit. She no longer wants diabetes, and she wants to be like Clay and Ethan. So, let me just call in my order. I know it's hard, and I do feel sorry for her, but there's nothing I can do but pump insulin into her. It makes me hurt just to know she hurts.

Well, she's stayed in the 200's all day. We haven't gotten a number under 224 today. Boo. We'll have to change her site, this one may just be bad. She swam yesterday, and that always ruins a good site. I've got her set at 120% just to combat whatever it is, but who knows. Sometimes she runs high when she's getting ready to be sick (fighting it off). So check in on Thursday or Friday-it could be virus time! : P

I helped Mom paint, hang drapes and blinds this afternoon, (I've fed my family) and I'm running back over there right now (well, driving). Ches has been so good to watch the kids. He even offered to watch them so I could get back over there to get it finished up. This is week three (for Mom). It is never-ending. You could work on it for another month. There are always more things that could be done!

ps-This morning I had asked Clay to pick up the hearth room so I could vacuum it. I was working my way toward the carpet, when I glanced in there, and it was disgusting! It had been clean five minutes before, but it was then destroyed by billions of toys! First I got onto Ethan and told him to clean up!! Mary Claire was leaning over the rail from upstairs telling my Clay had gotten all the toys out to get me mad at Ethan (?). So I went to Clay and got onto him, and he'd said it was Her Idea! So, back to her. They said they wanted to make me mad at Ethan, and they shared responsibility. They also shared the clean up job. I have totally underestimated them. They can literally push my buttons. On Purpose! : O

Monday, August 3, 2009

The days are getting shorter, I think. There's just not enough time in the day. Is this a perennial problem, or annual (heehee)?

We've been staging a house for a few days, and last night the electricity went out on us-and ScArEd me to death! I was just sure it was a stranger cutting the power, and coming in on us! (It was not, thank goodness!) But it's coming along. It looks sooo much better! I'll get some pictures up in a couple days, because...

Ps: did I tell you a dropped a dozen eggs on the floor? A dozen, out-of-date, eggs I was trying to crack into the sink to wash away oldness? And they went off balance, and fell onto the floor and the edges of my cute Company C rug? Boo. Hoo. : (

Pps: Now I have hair *at the top of my head* that is only about 2 inches long. Talk about layered. : P

About Me

Definitely blessed by God, even when life gets tough. My husband and I have four sweet kids (17, 16, 11, and my baby just turned six!). My daughter, Mary Claire, has Type I Diabetes and wears a 670G Medtronic insulin pump. We always thought of Diabetes as another child. It takes on a life of its own and requires so much planning and care-sometimes I think it’ll never grow up.
And now our son, Clay, has also been diagnosed 10/16/13. He’s also on a 670G Medtronic pump!
We also have five sweet angels in Heaven, and I can’t wait to meet them. They are playing at the feet of Jesus, and I pray we'll all be there with them one day.
I think I’m only strengthened by all the discomfort. I am making it through things I would’ve sworn would kill me. But they didn’t. I am courageous, and I’m on the other side. Still blessed.

Missing Blogroll...

So..I thought I'd be all "I can DO this" and redesign my blog..except I lost all my gadgets somehow. Hopefully I can get my blog list back up quickly. (I mean quick for a mom of four in a crampy box-filled house who watched a snake get captured by animal control. In the backyard.) But I actually USE the list..and I miss my friends! ; )Let me know if you'd like to be posted, I don't want to forget anyone!!