Tara: Yeah, picture it … "Infidel number 3. That song was too big for you and you were pitchy like the Zionist dog you are. Exit stage left to your execution by stoning."

Susan/Circle: "Seacrest, you disgraceful and wretched homo who shall burn in the fire of Islam's fury, send in the next spawn of Satan … I tell you, Paula the Whore, the real Holocaust is having to endure this dried up and rotten show."

Comments

Ahmadinejad on Idol. That's rich! "No, Simon, I disagree. The whore's ululations are enough to bring the fire of the Islamic nation's fury down upon the tyrannical regime of Israel that will one day will be destroyed. I give her a 'thumbs up' to advance to the next round."

Good to hear Beckett's off to a good start. I've great hopes for the pitching staff this year (like I do each and every year). May Allah and Jeebus fortify their arms with great strength and endurance.

"If what we've heard is correct, then Matsuzaka indeed possesses a Power Level of well over 9,000," said ESPN's Peter Gammons, struggling to contain his excitement on Tuesday's edition of Baseball Tonight. "Over 9,000! Which, of course, is only to be expected of the ballplayer whom sources say descended into the Underworld to spit in the flaming eye of the Lord of Hell and steal the secret power of the Onikaze, or 'demon-storm' pitch, which tails away nicely from both lefties and righties."