I came across this post on another site, and WITH permission, I am posting it to share with you. These are so funny! Enjoy!!!

The e-mail says they are taken from actual high school essay's and collected by English teacher's across the country for their own amusement. Some of these kid's may have bright futures as humor writer's. What do you think?

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

My Brethren, be strong in the LORD and in the power of HIS might. Put on the whole armor of GOD, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of GOD, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the SPIRIT, which is the WORD of GOD; praying always with all supplication in the SPIRIT, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints and for me, that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.

The next piece is “THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT”. Without this piece, we could not use the other pieces. What is the SWORD OF THE SPIRIT? It is the WORD OF GOD, without it we would not be able to put on TRUST, RIGHTEOUSNESS, THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE, FAITH, and SALVATION.

Who is the “SPIRIT? HE is ONE of THREE of the triune GODHEAD, also known as the trinity, The FATHER, SON and HOLY SPIRIT. These THREE PERSONS are one in substance and exists in perfect unity. The word trinity is not in the BIBLE, but we find the first reference to the trinity in Genesis. In the first chapter of Genesis the reference to GOD comes from ELOHIM. The “IM” at the end of ELOH, is plural, but they are not three gods, THEY are one GOD. We see this in Deuteronomy 6:4…” Hear O Israel: The LORD our GOD, the LORD is one! Ephesians 4:5 says…One LORD, one faith, one baptism. 1 John 5:7 says…For there are three who bear witness in heaven: the FATHER, the WORD and the HOLY SPIRIT; and these three are one. John 1:1 says… In the beginning was the WORD, and the WORD was with GOD, and the WORD was GOD.

So, we see that the HOLY SPIRIT is one with GOD, but with HIS own distinct personality. What is the responsibility of the HOLY SPIRIT? 2Timothy 3:16 says… All SCRIPTURE is given by inspiration of GOD (The SPIRIT), and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness. He came to give us the WORD of GOD! HE says that it is profitable for doctrine, the doctrine of JESUS (GOD the SON) coming in the flesh to save us from our sins and eternal punishment. John 15:26 says…But when the HELPER (SPIRIT) comes, whom I shall send to you from the FATHER, the SPIRIT of truth who proceeds from the FATHER, HE will testify of ME (JESUS).

HE corrects us of sin. John 16:8-11… And when HE (The SPIRIT) has come, HE will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment: of sin, because they do not believe in ME; of righteousness, because I go to MY FATHER and you see me no more; of judgment, because the ruler of this world is judged.

HE instructs us. John 14:26… But the HELPER, the HOLY SPIRIT, whom the FATHER will send in MY name, HE will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.

The SPIRIT has come to do much more, to guide, John 16:13; to give power to believers to have victory over the flesh, Galatians 5:16; to comfort, John 14:16; to intercede and assist in prayer, Romans 8:26, 27, and the list goes on and on.

The BIBLE says that if we do not have the HOLY SPIRIT, we are not HIS. (CHRIST’S) Romans 8:9 says…But you are not in the flesh but in the SPIRIT, if indeed the SPIRIT of GOD dwells in you. Now if anyone does not have the SPIRIT of CHRIST, he is not HIS. Apart from the SPIRIT, we will not understand that things of the SPIRIT.The enemy being apart from the SPIRIT does not truly understand the scriptures. Being SPIRIT filled, we can defeat satan by studying and using the SWORD of the SPIRIT .

To be able to put on the armor, the HOLY SPIRIT has to be present in us and we must believe in faith that what the SPIRIT has given us in the SCRIPTURE is true, and we can put on salvation, truth, faith, righteousness, the gospel of peace, using the sword of the spirit to bring down every stronghold the enemy tries to ensnare us with.

In conclusion, we should all pray diligently for all saints all over the world who battle as we do. Though we may not be in physical chains as Paul was, let not the chains of fear keep us from fighting the good fight by being bold to open our mouths to share the gospel to who will listen, for we too, are ambassadors for CHRIST.