The trend of moving out of country in protest after an election has Canadian/American border authorities concerned. Officials are predicting serious and extended border waits caused by clogged lanes of southbound and northbound moving vans containing unhappy voters.

The most recent threat of a move surge began during the last Canadian election, when unhappy voters claimed they would move south if Trudeau became prime minister.

Other unhappy voters claimed they would be moving south if Harper was re-elected. Of those, few recognized the irony of their intention.

One unhappy voter claimed that he would move to the Bahamas regardless of who won, because it was ‘warmer’ there, and contained ‘babes’.

After the election, post-election analysis indicates that most voters became distracted with the new prime minister’s hair and, as a result, forgot to move.

Although the dust appears to have settled for Canadians moving to the US, the American election coming up in November has triggered new fears of border congestion as the moving spirit grows in an increasing number of unhappy American voters.

Georgia resident Bubba Frack was adamant. “I ain’t staying here if that vile woman becomes president. Bad enough that Muslim Obama has destroyed America, even the damn weather. I was going to move when he got elected, had my bags packed, but ol’ Billy-Joe down the road bought a coupla ATVs and a case a Bud, and I been distracted ever since. But if that dang wild woman gets in, ATVs or not, I’m outta here.”

New Hampshire resident Roberta O’Hare was equally adamant. “If Trump becomes president, I’m certainly going to move to Canada. Had planned to leave years ago when Bush got a second term, but totally forgot. This time I’ve written a reminder in my iCal. Here it is - ‘November 9, move to Canada’.”

Authorities were surprised to learn that some Canadians - the ones who forgot to move south after Trudeau became prime minister - are now planning the move if Trump becomes president.

We interviewed Ralph Waddleton while he packed.

“Excuse me, sir, is it true that you plan to move to the US if Trump becomes President?”

“Yeah, you betcha. Trump is the man. Got himself a bunch of good ideas that he’s going to tell us about after he gets himself elected. Trudeau, I got no use for ‘im, never did much care for pretty hair on men, and I don’t like his fuddle duddle. He’ll think ‘fuddle duddle’ when me, and other right thinking folk, pack up and leave.”

“But it was Justin’s father, Pierre Trudeau, who said ‘fuddle duddle’ and it was almost 50 years ago. Justin Trudeau wasn’t even born yet. Are you worried that Justin may have inherited fuddle duddle’?”

“Well, it’s all the same, ain’t it? You know there’s going to be some fuddle duddle somewhere with a Trudeau. Don’t like Justine - yeah, I call him Justine (laughs) and all my friends laugh when I say it, because we still have our sense of humour even though our country is laying in ruins around us since the day the Liberal government came to power. That sparkle pony boy went skiing last week, did you see that? The country’s lying around all ruined and such, and he goes skiing? What kind of leader does that? And he had a bunch of security types following him on the slopes, too, which just proves that he’s just a big damn sissy!”

“So, have you bought a house in the US?”

“Yeah I did. Bought me a house from some idiot who’s moving to Canada if Trump wins. He got it backwards, I guess. We’re both kinda jumping the gun, but we want to move fast before that wall gets built.”

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This bio was written by Jo Slade. As you can see she has written about herself in the third person. What normal person would do that? They just wouldn't. Who knows how many other persons might be involved in this thing, a second person? Another third? I worry about it. I - she - we - can't even keep it straight, this paragraph is a damn mess, there are persons all over the place. Round 'em up and shoot 'em. That's what I'd do, and by golly I think that's what Jo Slade would do as well.

Biographic nutshell: Jo has been messing around with words for a long time. Sometimes she'll just say words instead of writing them, it saves on paper.

The columns that appear here are of a highly serious and scholarly nature, therefore it is advised that you keep a dictionary and ponderous thoughts nearby.

If, after reading so many thought-provoking words, you find yourself tossing and turning at night, burning with the need to email me, just do it. I answer to [email protected]

The views expressed are strictly those of the author and not necessarily those of Castanet. Castanet does not warrant the contents.