Mischa Barton has FINALLY launched her eagerly-awaited (NOT) line of headbands. Yes, because there are zillions of dumb whores who want to throw away $200 on a piece of shit that you can make yourself using scraps from your memaw’s craft box. But don’t even bother. Wearing a piece of paper that says “I am a foolio” is cheaper and gets the message across clearer.

Mischa’s cacabands cost anywhere from 90 clams to 200 clams and are sold at some joint called Stacey Lapidus. If you even think of buying one of these, I swear. I’ll…. I’ll…. curse your name and never masturbate to you again. There is only one celebrity headband line allowed and that one belongs to international supermodel and silver screen star Phoebe Price! Of course, Phoebe had her line first. Mischa is a copy cat bitch! Phoebe even had her cellulite photos on a tabloid first and then Mischa had to go and copy her with that too! Mischa is a devil woman.

Mischa’s headbands won’t do anything but make you look like your head is too fucking fat, so you need a belt to hold it up. That doesn’t really make sense, but I never do, so just go with it. Phoebe’s headbands will do so much more for you!

Only after wearing them for a few minutes, you will get the sudden urge to pose on the street for absolutely no reason. Before you know it, paparazzi or creepy old men will start taking pictures of you and turn you into an overnight supermodel sensation just like Phoebe. Her headbands have that power! They might also cause you to rub raw chicken cutlets all over your face, but that’s a small side-effect you can kind of live with.

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