Sex With Dr. Jesshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com
In Sex With Dr. Jess, Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, Toronto-based sexologist, author, and media personality, shares tips on how to enhance your sexual life to improve the quality of your relationships. She interviews guests with questions ranging from how to deal with jealousy to getting down in the bedroom, as well as hosting thought-provoking episodes centered around compatibility and strengthening relationships.Wed, 03 Jun 2020 15:32:35 +0000en-CAhourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.6.18In Sex With Dr. Jess, Dr. Jessica O'Reilly, Toronto-based sexologist, author, and media personality, shares tips on how to enhance your sexual life to improve the quality of your relationships. She interviews guests with questions ranging from how to deal with jealousy to getting down in the bedroom, as well as hosting thought-provoking episodes centered around compatibility and strengthening relationships.Dr. Jessica O'ReillycleanDr. Jessica O'Reillyjess@sexwithdrjess.comjess@sexwithdrjess.com (Dr. Jessica O'Reilly)Sex & Relationship Tips You Can Use Tonight!Sex With Dr. Jesshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/wp-content/uploads/powerpress/The_@SexWithDrJess_Podcast.pnghttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com
jess@sexwithdrjess.comToronto, CanadaWeeklyModern Whore: One Sex Worker’s Story & Insightshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/05/andrea-werhun-podcast/
Fri, 29 May 2020 13:02:06 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=11193Andrea Werhun, author of Modern Whore, joins Jess and Brandon to share her personal story as a sex worker, performer and author. She discusses her beautiful journey into sex work and how her work has shifted during physical distancing and isolation. They also discuss:
What makes an escort enjoy the experience with a client
How sex workers and their clients build trust and connection in their relationships
Andrea’s Hire-A-Muse packages
The coming out process and Andrea’s story of sharing her truth with her Mom & Dad
How to be an ally to sex workers and how to be sex worker-positive
Jess’ experience with sex workers at her first SAR
Sex work as a healing profession
The benefits of sex work
Insights from sex work that can benefit all daters
Stripping vs. Escorting and the whorearchy
The importance of labour rights for sex workers
Follow Andrea on Instagram & Twitter. Follow Modern Whore on Twitter & Facebook.
Learn more about Let's Get Checked here. Use code DRJESS and save BIG at checkout.Andrea Werhun, author of Modern Whore, joins Jess and Brandon to share her personal story as a sex worker, performer and author. She discusses her beautiful journey into sex work and how her work has shifted during physical distancing and isolation. They also discuss:

What makes an escort enjoy the experience with a client

How sex workers and their clients build trust and connection in their relationships

Andrea’s Hire-A-Muse packages

The coming out process and Andrea’s story of sharing her truth with her Mom & Dad

Learn more about Let’s Get Checked here. Use code DRJESS and save BIG at checkout.

]]>Andrea Werhun, author of Modern Whore, joins Jess and Brandon to share her personal story as a sex worker, performer and author. She discusses her beautiful journey into sex work and how her work has shifted during physical distancing and isolation.Andrea Werhun, author of Modern Whore, joins Jess and Brandon to share her personal story as a sex worker, performer and author. She discusses her beautiful journey into sex work and how her work has shifted during physical distancing and isolation. They also discuss:<br />
<br />
What makes an escort enjoy the experience with a client<br />
How sex workers and their clients build trust and connection in their relationships<br />
Andrea’s Hire-A-Muse packages<br />
The coming out process and Andrea’s story of sharing her truth with her Mom & Dad<br />
How to be an ally to sex workers and how to be sex worker-positive<br />
Jess’ experience with sex workers at her first SAR<br />
Sex work as a healing profession<br />
The benefits of sex work<br />
Insights from sex work that can benefit all daters<br />
Stripping vs. Escorting and the whorearchy <br />
The importance of labour rights for sex workers<br />
<br />
Follow Andrea on Instagram & Twitter. Follow Modern Whore on Twitter & Facebook.<br />
<br />
Learn more about Let's Get Checked here. Use code DRJESS and save BIG at checkout.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean46:35Sex Ed The Musical & Sexual Golden Ticketshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/05/wendy-miller-podcast/
Fri, 22 May 2020 13:02:18 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=11173Wendy Miller, host of Sex Ed The Musical Podcast, joins us to discuss her experience as the former Head of Production with PlayboyTV. She shares stories from the Playboy set shoots as well as insights from the Under Covers series, which explored the real stories of women from all walks of life. They discuss PlayboyTV’s Swing, the toll TV representations can take on body image and their “Sexual Golden Tickets”. Listen now and learn more!
Follow Wendy on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.
Wendy Miller, host of Sex Ed The Musical Podcast, joins us to discuss her experience as the former Head of Production with PlayboyTV. She shares stories from the Playboy set shoots as well as insights from the Under Covers series, which explored the real stories of women from all walks of life. They discuss PlayboyTV’s Swing, the toll TV representations can take on body image and their “Sexual Golden Tickets”. Listen now and learn more!

]]>Wendy Miller, host of Sex Ed The Musical Podcast, joins us to discuss her experience as the former Head of Production with PlayboyTV. She shares stories from the Playboy set shoots as well as insights from the Under Covers series,Wendy Miller, host of Sex Ed The Musical Podcast, joins us to discuss her experience as the former Head of Production with PlayboyTV. She shares stories from the Playboy set shoots as well as insights from the Under Covers series, which explored the real stories of women from all walks of life. They discuss PlayboyTV’s Swing, the toll TV representations can take on body image and their “Sexual Golden Tickets”. Listen now and learn more!<br />
<br />
Follow Wendy on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean33:20Your Diagnonsense: How to Break the Avoidance Cycle & Set Your Own Relationship Goalshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/05/todd-baratz-podcast/
Fri, 15 May 2020 13:02:17 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=11148Therapist Todd Baratz joins Jess to discuss the costs and potential benefits of avoidance behaviours. He shares his thoughts on:
The ways in which avoidance can be functional
The stress and anxiety associated with sexual avoidance
How to manage conflict avoidance
The importance of conflict in relationships
Specific strategies to break the avoidance cycle
Follow Todd on Instagram here. Check out his podcast, Your Diagnonsense.
Therapist Todd Baratz joins Jess to discuss the costs and potential benefits of avoidance behaviours. He shares his thoughts on:

]]>Therapist Todd Baratz joins Jess to discuss the costs and potential benefits of avoidance behaviours. He shares his thoughts on: The ways in which avoidance can be functional The stress and anxiety associated with sexual avoidance Therapist Todd Baratz joins Jess to discuss the costs and potential benefits of avoidance behaviours. He shares his thoughts on:<br />
<br />
The ways in which avoidance can be functional<br />
The stress and anxiety associated with sexual avoidance<br />
How to manage conflict avoidance<br />
The importance of conflict in relationships<br />
Specific strategies to break the avoidance cycle<br />
<br />
Follow Todd on Instagram here. Check out his podcast, Your Diagnonsense.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean49:44How to Overcome Sexual Shamehttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/05/rosalia-rivera-podcast/
Fri, 08 May 2020 13:00:49 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=11114Messages related to sexual shame are engrained from a young age and they affect how we feel about how bodies, how we interact with sexual partners and how we experience sexual pleasure. This week, we discuss a range of approaches to relinquishing sexual shame. Consent educator, survivor-turned-thriver and founder of CONSENTParenting, Rosalia Rivera joins Jess and Brandon to share her story and insights. They discuss:
Rosalia’s personal path to recovery after assault
Pleasure as a route to relinquishing sexual shame
How partners can support survivors when they disclose past trauma/abuse
The importance of your inner compass in recognizing sources of shame
Prompt questions to help you examine shame-based beliefs including:
What messages did you receive above sex from your parents?
What did your parents tell you about sex with their words?
What did your parents tell you about sex with their actions?
How did your parents react to sexual depictions on TV?
What messages did you receive above sex from your peers?
What messages did you receive above sex from your teachers?
What messages did you receive above sex from media sources?
What messages did you receive above sex from your religion?
Am I okay with these belief systems?
What do I want to do differently for myself?
What do I want to do differently for kids?
Follow CONSENTParenting on Instagram and Facebook. Listen to the AboutCONSENT Podcast here.
This episode was brought to you by We-Vibe, use code DRJESS on their website for a small discount off your purchase. :)Messages related to sexual shame are engrained from a young age and they affect how we feel about how bodies, how we interact with sexual partners and how we experience sexual pleasure. This week, we discuss a range of approaches to relinquishing sexual shame. Consent educator, survivor-turned-thriver and founder of CONSENTParenting, Rosalia Rivera joins Jess and Brandon to share her story and insights. They discuss:

Rosalia’s personal path to recovery after assault

Pleasure as a route to relinquishing sexual shame

How partners can support survivors when they disclose past trauma/abuse

This episode was brought to you by We-Vibe, use code DRJESS on their website for a small discount off your purchase. 🙂

]]>Messages related to sexual shame are engrained from a young age and they affect how we feel about how bodies, how we interact with sexual partners and how we experience sexual pleasure. This week, we discuss a range of approaches to relinquishing sexua...Messages related to sexual shame are engrained from a young age and they affect how we feel about how bodies, how we interact with sexual partners and how we experience sexual pleasure. This week, we discuss a range of approaches to relinquishing sexual shame. Consent educator, survivor-turned-thriver and founder of CONSENTParenting, Rosalia Rivera joins Jess and Brandon to share her story and insights. They discuss:<br />
<br />
Rosalia’s personal path to recovery after assault<br />
Pleasure as a route to relinquishing sexual shame<br />
How partners can support survivors when they disclose past trauma/abuse<br />
The importance of your inner compass in recognizing sources of shame<br />
<br />
Prompt questions to help you examine shame-based beliefs including:<br />
<br />
What messages did you receive above sex from your parents?<br />
What did your parents tell you about sex with their words?<br />
What did your parents tell you about sex with their actions?<br />
How did your parents react to sexual depictions on TV?<br />
What messages did you receive above sex from your peers?<br />
What messages did you receive above sex from your teachers?<br />
What messages did you receive above sex from media sources?<br />
What messages did you receive above sex from your religion?<br />
Am I okay with these belief systems?<br />
What do I want to do differently for myself?<br />
What do I want to do differently for kids?<br />
<br />
<br />
Follow CONSENTParenting on Instagram and Facebook. Listen to the AboutCONSENT Podcast here.<br />
<br />
This episode was brought to you by We-Vibe, use code DRJESS on their website for a small discount off your purchase. :)Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean35:41Pelvic Floor Health: Perineal Massage, Postpartum, Peeing & De-Stressing Your Vaginahttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/05/kate-roddy-podcast/
Fri, 01 May 2020 13:05:22 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=11087Pelvic floor physiotherapist, Kate Roddy, joins Jess to answer questions and share advice for keeping your pelvic floor as healthy as possible. They discuss:
How to destress your vagina
How to protect your pelvic floor while lifting weights and working out
The forms of incontinence and how to manage them
Why you don’t have to settle for peeing when you laugh
How to do a proper kegel
How to differentiate between pain and discomfort
The Power of the Kegel Release Curve
How to find the back end of the clitoris
Safe vaginal & perineal massage (especially postpartum)
Symptoms of an unhealthy pelvic floor
The 4th trimester
Follow Kate on Instagram. To learn more about the Kegel Release Curve, check out their Instagram and website.
Pelvic floor physiotherapist, Kate Roddy, joins Jess to answer questions and share advice for keeping your pelvic floor as healthy as possible. They discuss:

How to destress your vagina

How to protect your pelvic floor while lifting weights and working out

]]>Pelvic floor physiotherapist, Kate Roddy, joins Jess to answer questions and share advice for keeping your pelvic floor as healthy as possible. They discuss: How to destress your vagina How to protect your pelvic floor while lifting weights and...Pelvic floor physiotherapist, Kate Roddy, joins Jess to answer questions and share advice for keeping your pelvic floor as healthy as possible. They discuss:<br />
<br />
How to destress your vagina<br />
How to protect your pelvic floor while lifting weights and working out<br />
The forms of incontinence and how to manage them<br />
Why you don’t have to settle for peeing when you laugh<br />
How to do a proper kegel<br />
How to differentiate between pain and discomfort<br />
The Power of the Kegel Release Curve<br />
How to find the back end of the clitoris<br />
Safe vaginal & perineal massage (especially postpartum)<br />
Symptoms of an unhealthy pelvic floor<br />
The 4th trimester<br />
<br />
Follow Kate on Instagram. To learn more about the Kegel Release Curve, check out their Instagram and website.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean42:35A Conversation for Lovershttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/04/a-conversation-for-lovers/
Fri, 24 Apr 2020 13:05:12 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=11065Jess & Brandon try one of the “Lovers Inquiries” from her new book, The Ultimate Guide to Seduction and Foreplay co-authored by Marla Renee Stewart. They discuss ways to eroticize daily interactions within the context of a busy lifestyle and work through the prompts in the “Why do I love you again?” activity. Have a listen and try it out yourself using these prompts to guide you:
What was the first thing you noticed about your lover?
What first attracted you to your lover?
On your first date, what excited you most?
On your first date, what made you nervous?
Do you remember the first time you kissed? What was it like?
Do you remember the first time you had sex? What was it like?
What is one awkward intimate moment you wouldn’t want to relive, but are able to laugh about now?
Can you remember the wildest/hottest sex you ever had? What made it so memorable?
How has your partner changed for the better since you first met?
And if you’re in the market for a new toy for your bedside drawer, use code DRJESS at Womanizer.com and WeVibe.com to save a few $.
To learn more about Erosscia, the adult toy that was mentioned during this podcast, click here.
Jess & Brandon try one of the “Lovers Inquiries” from her new book, The Ultimate Guide to Seduction and Foreplay co-authored by Marla Renee Stewart. They discuss ways to eroticize daily interactions within the context of a busy lifestyle and work through the prompts in the “Why do I love you again?” activity. Have a listen and try it out yourself using these prompts to guide you:

What was the first thing you noticed about your lover?

What first attracted you to your lover?

On your first date, what excited you most?

On your first date, what made you nervous?

Do you remember the first time you kissed? What was it like?

Do you remember the first time you had sex? What was it like?

What is one awkward intimate moment you wouldn’t want to relive, but are able to laugh about now?

Can you remember the wildest/hottest sex you ever had? What made it so memorable?

How has your partner changed for the better since you first met?

And if you’re in the market for a new toy for your bedside drawer, use code DRJESS at Womanizer.com and WeVibe.com to save a few $.

To learn more about Erosscia, the adult toy that was mentioned during this podcast, click here.

]]>Jess & Brandon try one of the “Lovers Inquiries” from her new book, The Ultimate Guide to Seduction and Foreplay co-authored by Marla Renee Stewart. They discuss ways to eroticize daily interactions within the context of a busy lifestyle and work throu...Jess & Brandon try one of the “Lovers Inquiries” from her new book, The Ultimate Guide to Seduction and Foreplay co-authored by Marla Renee Stewart. They discuss ways to eroticize daily interactions within the context of a busy lifestyle and work through the prompts in the “Why do I love you again?” activity. Have a listen and try it out yourself using these prompts to guide you:<br />
<br />
What was the first thing you noticed about your lover?<br />
What first attracted you to your lover?<br />
On your first date, what excited you most?<br />
On your first date, what made you nervous?<br />
Do you remember the first time you kissed? What was it like?<br />
Do you remember the first time you had sex? What was it like?<br />
What is one awkward intimate moment you wouldn’t want to relive, but are able to laugh about now?<br />
Can you remember the wildest/hottest sex you ever had? What made it so memorable?<br />
How has your partner changed for the better since you first met?<br />
<br />
And if you’re in the market for a new toy for your bedside drawer, use code DRJESS at Womanizer.com and WeVibe.com to save a few $.<br />
<br />
To learn more about Erosscia, the adult toy that was mentioned during this podcast, click here.<br />
<br />
Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean47:24The Good Sex Diethttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/04/the-good-sex-diet-2/
Tue, 21 Apr 2020 13:00:40 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=11042Let’s talk about food and sex and dismantle diet culture. Food and sex have so much in common and so many of us (Jess included) consider food an important component of our core love languages. Lisa Davis, author of Clean Eating, Dirty Sex: Sensual Superfoods and Aphrodisiac Practices for Ultimate Sexual Health and Connection, joins Jess and Brandon to discuss the ways in which the foods we eat affect our sex lives. We discuss:
What foods have been shown to benefit sexual health?
Why you may not want to “ditch” foods, but rather focus on new additions
How diet affects metabolism
How to rice cauliflower
How diet can affect erectile dys(function)
The power of flavonoids
The concept of “cheat days"
Follow Lisa on Instagram. If you want to learn more about her book or podcast, click here. Listen to Lisa's Podcast, Talk Healthy Today, here.Let’s talk about food and sex and dismantle diet culture. Food and sex have so much in common and so many of us (Jess included) consider food an important component of our core love languages. Lisa Davis, author of Clean Eating, Dirty Sex: Sensual Superfoods and Aphrodisiac Practices for Ultimate Sexual Health and Connection, joins Jess and Brandon to discuss the ways in which the foods we eat affect our sex lives. We discuss:

What foods have been shown to benefit sexual health?

Why you may not want to “ditch” foods, but rather focus on new additions

How diet affects metabolism

How to rice cauliflower

How diet can affect erectile dys(function)

The power of flavonoids

The concept of “cheat days”

Follow Lisa on Instagram. If you want to learn more about her book or podcast, click here. Listen to Lisa’s Podcast, Talk Healthy Today, here.

]]>Let’s talk about food and sex and dismantle diet culture. Food and sex have so much in common and so many of us (Jess included) consider food an important component of our core love languages. Lisa Davis, author of Clean Eating,Let’s talk about food and sex and dismantle diet culture. Food and sex have so much in common and so many of us (Jess included) consider food an important component of our core love languages. Lisa Davis, author of Clean Eating, Dirty Sex: Sensual Superfoods and Aphrodisiac Practices for Ultimate Sexual Health and Connection, joins Jess and Brandon to discuss the ways in which the foods we eat affect our sex lives. We discuss:<br />
<br />
What foods have been shown to benefit sexual health?<br />
Why you may not want to “ditch” foods, but rather focus on new additions<br />
How diet affects metabolism<br />
How to rice cauliflower<br />
How diet can affect erectile dys(function)<br />
The power of flavonoids<br />
The concept of “cheat days"<br />
<br />
Follow Lisa on Instagram. If you want to learn more about her book or podcast, click here. Listen to Lisa's Podcast, Talk Healthy Today, here.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean37:15Can Conflict Save Your Relationship?https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/04/can-conflict-save-your-relationship/
Fri, 17 Apr 2020 13:00:18 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=11024Do you avoid or lean into conflict? Do you fight to win or fight to understand? Do you speak up when you’re unhappy? This week, CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke of Thrive! Inc. join Jess and Brandon to talk about the upside of conflict. They discuss:
How to start difficult conversations
Three questions to ask yourself when you’re fighting (or about to engage in conflict)
How to cultivate better listening skills
Why you don’t always need to arrive at compromise or a resolution
The challenge of emotional differentiation
The connection between conflict and passion
The 5-5-5 approach to tackling tough topics
Follow CrisMarie & Susan on Instagram and Facebook. Check out their books, The Beauty of Conflict for Couples & The Beauty of Conflict: Harnessing Your Team's Competitive Advantage.Do you avoid or lean into conflict? Do you fight to win or fight to understand? Do you speak up when you’re unhappy? This week, CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke of Thrive! Inc. join Jess and Brandon to talk about the upside of conflict. They discuss:

How to start difficult conversations

Three questions to ask yourself when you’re fighting (or about to engage in conflict)

]]>Do you avoid or lean into conflict? Do you fight to win or fight to understand? Do you speak up when you’re unhappy? This week, CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke of Thrive! Inc. join Jess and Brandon to talk about the upside of conflict.Do you avoid or lean into conflict? Do you fight to win or fight to understand? Do you speak up when you’re unhappy? This week, CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke of Thrive! Inc. join Jess and Brandon to talk about the upside of conflict. They discuss:<br />
<br />
How to start difficult conversations<br />
Three questions to ask yourself when you’re fighting (or about to engage in conflict)<br />
How to cultivate better listening skills<br />
Why you don’t always need to arrive at compromise or a resolution<br />
The challenge of emotional differentiation<br />
The connection between conflict and passion<br />
The 5-5-5 approach to tackling tough topics<br />
<br />
Follow CrisMarie & Susan on Instagram and Facebook. Check out their books, The Beauty of Conflict for Couples & The Beauty of Conflict: Harnessing Your Team's Competitive Advantage.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean41:28How to Get in the Mood for Sexhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/04/how-to-get-in-the-mood-for-sex/
Tue, 14 Apr 2020 13:02:54 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=11003In this quickie episode, we chat about the fact that our interest in sex has declined since the onset of social isolation. We discuss strategies for creating “responsive” sexual desire and managing distractions that detract from pleasure.In this quickie episode, we chat about the fact that our interest in sex has declined since the onset of social isolation. We discuss strategies for creating “responsive” sexual desire and managing distractions that detract from pleasure.

]]>In this quickie episode, we chat about the fact that our interest in sex has declined since the onset of social isolation. We discuss strategies for creating “responsive” sexual desire and managing distractions that detract from pleasure.In this quickie episode, we chat about the fact that our interest in sex has declined since the onset of social isolation. We discuss strategies for creating “responsive” sexual desire and managing distractions that detract from pleasure.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean15:57Top Tips for Digital Datinghttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/04/top-tips-for-digital-dating/
Fri, 10 Apr 2020 13:00:16 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10963Dating coach and matchmaker, Carmelia Ray joins Jess and Brandon to discuss:
What holds most people back from finding a great match
How dating has changed since we’ve been instructed to shelter in place
Virtual speed dating
How to ease into digital dating whether you’re a new couple or living long-distance
How to manage the awkwardness of digital dates
As mentioned on the podcast, check out Carmelia's online dating programs on FirstDate.co. Follow Carmelia on Instagram, Facebook & Twitter.Dating coach and matchmaker, Carmelia Ray joins Jess and Brandon to discuss:

What holds most people back from finding a great match

How dating has changed since we’ve been instructed to shelter in place

Virtual speed dating

How to ease into digital dating whether you’re a new couple or living long-distance

]]>Dating coach and matchmaker, Carmelia Ray joins Jess and Brandon to discuss: What holds most people back from finding a great match How dating has changed since we’ve been instructed to shelter in place Virtual speed dating Dating coach and matchmaker, Carmelia Ray joins Jess and Brandon to discuss:<br />
<br />
What holds most people back from finding a great match<br />
How dating has changed since we’ve been instructed to shelter in place<br />
Virtual speed dating<br />
How to ease into digital dating whether you’re a new couple or living long-distance<br />
How to manage the awkwardness of digital dates<br />
<br />
As mentioned on the podcast, check out Carmelia's online dating programs on FirstDate.co. Follow Carmelia on Instagram, Facebook & Twitter.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean21:56Do You Get a Say in Your Partner’s Porn Habits?https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/04/do-you-get-a-say-in-your-partners-porn-habits/
Mon, 06 Apr 2020 16:13:08 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10940Since we’re trapped at home in isolation, we decided to record an extra episode this week. We talk about a fight we had yesterday and how stress levels are affecting the way we interact. We also spend some time discussing an unrelated user question: “Do I get a say in my partner’s porn use?”. We explore the difference between setting boundaries and dictating behaviour as well as specific communication prompts you can use to talk to your partner about porn. We also consider whether or not you should change your habits to meet your partner’s needs and concerns.
Please see below for a rough transcript of this podcast.
Listener Question: "Do you get a say in your partner's porn habits?"
You have a say in terms of having the right to speak up about how you feel. You don’t have a right to dictate how they behave. And why would you want to? If they have a desire to engage in a specific behaviour, why do you want to limit them? This isn't a rhetorical question. Explore your reasonings for wanting to limit their sexual exploration. This may help you to adjust your expectations and/or better communicate your needs and feelings.
Note: If you can’t agree on porn use, it’s likely you’re not sexually compatible. Unless porn is interfering in your daily interactions (e.g. they can’t focus on a conversation or hold a job because they want to run off to their laptop and stroke it), it’s unlikely to be a real problem.
Listener Question: Where is the line between advocating for what I want/setting boundaries and being controlling?
Of course you can tell them if you feel jealous or uncomfortable. And they have a right to express how they feel about using porn (e.g. excited, passionate, entertained). You’re both entitled to your feelings. And you’re also responsible for your own feelings — your partner’s behaviour may affect how you feel, but your emotional response is complex and is influenced by a great number of factors (e.g. your past, sexual values, sexual associations, mood, sleep, previous relationships, your own experiences with porn).
You can ask your partner to take your feelings into consideration and you can ask them to engage in a dialogue about porn. Hopefully they’ll be willing to listen and consider your feelings. This doesn’t mean they have to adjust their behavior to make your feel better; perhaps you need to adjust the way you think to make yourself feel better. Of course, if you’re expressing feelings of vulnerability, I would hope that they’d respond with care, love and reassurance. If, on the other hand, you’re making accusations and directing blame, it’s more likely they’ll respond with defensiveness and/or their own accusations.
Listener Question: What about types of porn? Are some more acceptable than others? What about porn that depicts women as objects?
It’s not uncommon to feel uncomfortable in response to scenes that depict degradation, age play and other taboo sex topics. It’s also not uncommon to be aroused by these scenes. In fact, some people are simultaneously aroused and disgusted. Just because a fantasy makes you uncomfortable doesn’t mean that it’s inherently bad — as a fantasy. When actors consent to perform a degradation scene for example, they’re not personally being degraded; they’re actors playing a role for pay with consent.
Listener Question: Should I try to change if my porn use is upsetting my partner?
I suggest you consider their feelings and think about whether you want to change your habits. If you do something because you feel forced to do so, it’s likely you’ll find yourself frustrated and resentful.
Some changes might be more doable (e.g. don’t watch porn in the living room) while others might feel like a violation of your own sexual rights (e.g. don’t watch porn at all).
You might want to ask yourself why you’re uncomfortable with porn in the first place. Dig deep and don’t make excuses. Do you consider the same moral/personal issues when you look at o...Since we’re trapped at home in isolation, we decided to record an extra episode this week. We talk about a fight we had yesterday and how stress levels are affecting the way we interact. We also spend some time discussing an unrelated user question: “D...Since we’re trapped at home in isolation, we decided to record an extra episode this week. We talk about a fight we had yesterday and how stress levels are affecting the way we interact. We also spend some time discussing an unrelated user question: “Do I get a say in my partner’s porn use?”. We explore the difference between setting boundaries and dictating behaviour as well as specific communication prompts you can use to talk to your partner about porn. We also consider whether or not you should change your habits to meet your partner’s needs and concerns.<br />
<br />
Please see below for a rough transcript of this podcast. <br />
<br />
Listener Question: "Do you get a say in your partner's porn habits?"<br />
<br />
You have a say in terms of having the right to speak up about how you feel. You don’t have a right to dictate how they behave. And why would you want to? If they have a desire to engage in a specific behaviour, why do you want to limit them? This isn't a rhetorical question. Explore your reasonings for wanting to limit their sexual exploration. This may help you to adjust your expectations and/or better communicate your needs and feelings.<br />
<br />
Note: If you can’t agree on porn use, it’s likely you’re not sexually compatible. Unless porn is interfering in your daily interactions (e.g. they can’t focus on a conversation or hold a job because they want to run off to their laptop and stroke it), it’s unlikely to be a real problem.<br />
<br />
Listener Question: Where is the line between advocating for what I want/setting boundaries and being controlling?<br />
<br />
Of course you can tell them if you feel jealous or uncomfortable. And they have a right to express how they feel about using porn (e.g. excited, passionate, entertained). You’re both entitled to your feelings. And you’re also responsible for your own feelings — your partner’s behaviour may affect how you feel, but your emotional response is complex and is influenced by a great number of factors (e.g. your past, sexual values, sexual associations, mood, sleep, previous relationships, your own experiences with porn).<br />
<br />
You can ask your partner to take your feelings into consideration and you can ask them to engage in a dialogue about porn. Hopefully they’ll be willing to listen and consider your feelings. This doesn’t mean they have to adjust their behavior to make your feel better; perhaps you need to adjust the way you think to make yourself feel better. Of course, if you’re expressing feelings of vulnerability, I would hope that they’d respond with care, love and reassurance. If, on the other hand, you’re making accusations and directing blame, it’s more likely they’ll respond with defensiveness and/or their own accusations.<br />
<br />
Listener Question: What about types of porn? Are some more acceptable than others? What about porn that depicts women as objects?<br />
<br />
It’s not uncommon to feel uncomfortable in response to scenes that depict degradation, age play and other taboo sex topics. It’s also not uncommon to be aroused by these scenes. In fact, some people are simultaneously aroused and disgusted. Just because a fantasy makes you uncomfortable doesn’t mean that it’s inherently bad — as a fantasy. When actors consent to perform a degradation scene for example, they’re not personally being degraded; they’re actors playing a role for pay with consent.<br />
<br />
Listener Question: Should I try to change if my porn use is upsetting my partner?<br />
<br />
I suggest you consider their feelings and think about whether you want to change your habits. If you do something because you feel forced to do so, it’s likely you’ll find yourself frustrated and resentful.<br />
<br />
Some changes might be more doable (e.g. don’t watch porn in the living room) while others might feel like a violation of your own sexual rights (e.g. don’t watch porn at all).<br />
<br />
Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean24:58How We Manage Our Relationship in Isolationhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/04/how-we-manage-our-relationship-in-isolation/
Fri, 03 Apr 2020 13:10:55 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10931We’ve been isolating at home in Toronto for 19 days now and we thought we’d share how we’re doing as a couple — what’s working and what isn’t. We talk about some of the conflicting feelings we’re experiencing and brainstorm ways to make sure we’re still feeling connected over the longer term (since this could last a while). We talk about how we respond to unsettling emotions like anxiety and share some ideas for daters who can’t connect in person. Thanks for listening.We’ve been isolating at home in Toronto for 19 days now and we thought we’d share how we’re doing as a couple — what’s working and what isn’t. We talk about some of the conflicting feelings we’re experiencing and brainstorm ways to make sure we’re stil...We’ve been isolating at home in Toronto for 19 days now and we thought we’d share how we’re doing as a couple — what’s working and what isn’t. We talk about some of the conflicting feelings we’re experiencing and brainstorm ways to make sure we’re still feeling connected over the longer term (since this could last a while). We talk about how we respond to unsettling emotions like anxiety and share some ideas for daters who can’t connect in person. Thanks for listening.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean32:54Getting Naked With Tova Leigh: Monogamy, Motherhood & Morehttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/03/tova-leigh-podcast/
Fri, 27 Mar 2020 13:01:00 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10888Tova Leigh joins Jess to share her journey as a mother, woman and author of F*cked at 40. They discuss:
How she got over her body image issues after birth
How to care less about what other people think
The reconciliation of motherhood and sexuality
The experience of stripping down at a nude spa
The power of nude photoshoots
Her new book: F*cked At 40
Follow Tova on Facebook, Instagram & Twitter.Tova Leigh joins Jess to share her journey as a mother, woman and author of F*cked at 40. They discuss: How she got over her body image issues after birth How to care less about what other people think Tova Leigh joins Jess to share her journey as a mother, woman and author of F*cked at 40. They discuss:<br />
<br />
How she got over her body image issues after birth<br />
<br />
How to care less about what other people think<br />
The reconciliation of motherhood and sexuality<br />
The experience of stripping down at a nude spa<br />
The power of nude photoshoots<br />
Her new book: F*cked At 40<br />
<br />
Follow Tova on Facebook, Instagram & Twitter.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean38:53Your Quaran-Team: How to Manage the Stress of COVID-19https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/03/your-quaran-team-how-to-manage-the-stress-of-covid-19/
Wed, 18 Mar 2020 20:12:29 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10854Therapist and writer, Jake Ernst, joins Jess and Brandon to discuss:
Strategies for assembling your support team (AKA quaran-team) during this stressful time
Apps that can help you to manage stress, transition and isolation
How to manage being cooped up with your family, partner or roommates
How to cope with difficult personalities and strained relationships in close proximity
Ways to bring yourself back to the present and support others in doing the same
How to recognize and manage signs of stress
Follow Jake on Instagram, Facebook & Twitter. Learn more about Straight Up Health here or by following them on Instagram. As Jake referenced during the episode, consider Calm's 30-Day free trial.Therapist and writer, Jake Ernst, joins Jess and Brandon to discuss: Strategies for assembling your support team (AKA quaran-team) during this stressful time Apps that can help you to manage stress, transition and isolation Therapist and writer, Jake Ernst, joins Jess and Brandon to discuss:<br />
<br />
Strategies for assembling your support team (AKA quaran-team) during this stressful time<br />
Apps that can help you to manage stress, transition and isolation<br />
How to manage being cooped up with your family, partner or roommates<br />
How to cope with difficult personalities and strained relationships in close proximity<br />
Ways to bring yourself back to the present and support others in doing the same<br />
How to recognize and manage signs of stress<br />
<br />
Follow Jake on Instagram, Facebook & Twitter. Learn more about Straight Up Health here or by following them on Instagram. As Jake referenced during the episode, consider Calm's 30-Day free trial.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean38:06What We Can Learn from Equine Horse Therapyhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/03/what-we-can-learn-from-equine-horse-therapy/
Fri, 13 Mar 2020 13:54:11 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10842How can equine therapy with horses help couples improve communication? How can horses support survivors of trauma? What is vaginismus and what are some approaches to managing painful sex? Dr. Maha Nasrallah-Babenko joins Jess to answer these questions and more.
Follow Dr. Maha on Instagram, Twitter & Facebook.How can equine therapy with horses help couples improve communication? How can horses support survivors of trauma? What is vaginismus and what are some approaches to managing painful sex? Dr. Maha Nasrallah-Babenko joins Jess to answer these questions ...How can equine therapy with horses help couples improve communication? How can horses support survivors of trauma? What is vaginismus and what are some approaches to managing painful sex? Dr. Maha Nasrallah-Babenko joins Jess to answer these questions and more.<br />
<br />
Follow Dr. Maha on Instagram, Twitter & Facebook.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean40:15Core Erotic Feeling, Gang-Bangs & Spankingshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/03/tristan-taormino-podcast/
Fri, 06 Mar 2020 14:01:45 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10811Award winning sex educator, Tristan Taormino, joins Jess to talk about spanking, gang bangs, eye candy, social justice and mind-f*cking.
Why you might want to attend Sex Down South this year...
How to reclaim the gang bang
The role of the gang bang “host”
How to discuss rules and boundaries before a group sex experience
Spanking rules and tools
The importance of understanding your core erotic feeling
The benefits of uncovering your elevated erotic feelings
The role of a service top
The appeal of the mind f*ck
If you purchase tickets to Sex Down South, use code SEXWITHDRJESS for 20% off!
Follow Tristan on Instagram, Twitter & Facebook. Have a listen and check out Tristan’s podcast, Sex Out Loud.Award winning sex educator, Tristan Taormino, joins Jess to talk about spanking, gang bangs, eye candy, social justice and mind-f*cking. - Why you might want to attend Sex Down South this year... How to reclaim the gang bang Award winning sex educator, Tristan Taormino, joins Jess to talk about spanking, gang bangs, eye candy, social justice and mind-f*cking.<br />
<br />
Why you might want to attend Sex Down South this year...<br />
<br />
How to reclaim the gang bang<br />
The role of the gang bang “host”<br />
How to discuss rules and boundaries before a group sex experience<br />
Spanking rules and tools<br />
The importance of understanding your core erotic feeling<br />
The benefits of uncovering your elevated erotic feelings<br />
The role of a service top<br />
The appeal of the mind f*ck<br />
<br />
If you purchase tickets to Sex Down South, use code SEXWITHDRJESS for 20% off!<br />
<br />
Follow Tristan on Instagram, Twitter & Facebook. Have a listen and check out Tristan’s podcast, Sex Out Loud.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean58:12Why We Love Dirty Underwear!https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/02/why-we-love-dirty-underwear/
Fri, 28 Feb 2020 14:30:37 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10778On this week's podcast, panty-peddler, Lacey Bloom, joins Jess to talk about her experience selling used underwear online. What makes it so exciting and how can used underwear help to destigmatize sexual taboos? They also chat about wild requests, bodily discharge, personal kinks and finding pleasure in the mundane.
Listen to Lacey weekly on The Sofia Gray Show. Follow Sofia Gray on Twitter, Instagram & Facebook.
We also sat down with Sofia Gray rep, Zak Callen, to get to know the brand a little better. Check out their Q&A below!
1. Why did you launch Sofia Gray?
Sofia Gray was started by a group of young entrepreneurs, who had a real interest in the adult industry. They saw that a safe and secure, well designed, quality marketplace did not exist for used underwear. Hence, Sofia Gray was born.
2. Who uses Sofia Gray - on the buying and selling side?
The demographics are pretty clear cut, the majority of our sellers are female 18-35 and the majority of our buyers are male 25-45.
3. Why would someone want to buy used panties?
There are several reasons why someone would want to buy used underwear:
a) It's a kink. Several buyers are turned on the by smell, feel and sometimes even taste of used underwear, which means buying such an item is a no-brainer to them.
b) The sellers. Some buyers have a real connection or infatuation with certain sellers, so much so that they want and sometimes feel they need to buy underwear from this person, to feel close to them or even support them.
c) For you. Buyers also enjoy the idea of the underwear being worn for them. A lot of the time, sellers will take custom requests where they'll wear specific pairs of underwear a specific way for a specific buyer. It makes the whole experience very personal.
I think the reason each buyer actually purchases underwear is unique to them, the above is just a general overview.
4. How much does the average pair trade for?
The average pair ranges from $20-50.
5. Are there any strategies that tend to garner top dollar (e.g. wearing the panties for a specific period of time, sharing personal stories or pics)?
The best way to gain good traction selling underwear is by creating a quality profile and being social. A quality profile consists of a descriptive bio, high quality images, several items for sale with an array of different styles, scents, colours etc., different price points for items, listing new items regularly, interacting with buyers and so much more. A lot of people think this a "get rich quick" scheme, but you are essentially starting your own business, you have to put the effort in.
6. Can you share a few of the most unusual (titillating) requests you’ve received from buyers?
I think the most unusual request that we receive fairly regularly is underwear that's been defecated in. Of course this is something that is strictly prohibited on the site for hygienic and shipping reasons.
7. If you’re curious about selling, but feel reticent due to social stigma, what advice or support do you offer?
If this makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, it really isn't the industry for you. Selling your underwear is intended to make you feel liberated, sexy and empowered, if you're embarrassed, it's clearly not something you should be dabbling in. That being said, if anonymity is your issue, you can remain completely anonymous while selling your underwear, you don't have to use your real name or show pictures of your face.
8. Do folks of all genders sell/buy on your site or is it primarily men buying from women?
Generally it is men buying from women, however, we get people of all genders and orientations using the site as both buyers and sellers.
***
Be sure to listen to the podcast and let us know if selling or buying used panties appeals to you.
On this week's podcast, panty-peddler, Lacey Bloom, joins Jess to talk about her experience selling used underwear online. What makes it so exciting and how can used underwear help to destigmatize sexual taboos? They also chat about wild requests,On this week's podcast, panty-peddler, Lacey Bloom, joins Jess to talk about her experience selling used underwear online. What makes it so exciting and how can used underwear help to destigmatize sexual taboos? They also chat about wild requests, bodily discharge, personal kinks and finding pleasure in the mundane.<br />
<br />
Listen to Lacey weekly on The Sofia Gray Show. Follow Sofia Gray on Twitter, Instagram & Facebook.<br />
<br />
We also sat down with Sofia Gray rep, Zak Callen, to get to know the brand a little better. Check out their Q&A below!<br />
<br />
1. Why did you launch Sofia Gray?<br />
<br />
Sofia Gray was started by a group of young entrepreneurs, who had a real interest in the adult industry. They saw that a safe and secure, well designed, quality marketplace did not exist for used underwear. Hence, Sofia Gray was born.<br />
<br />
2. Who uses Sofia Gray - on the buying and selling side? <br />
<br />
The demographics are pretty clear cut, the majority of our sellers are female 18-35 and the majority of our buyers are male 25-45.<br />
<br />
3. Why would someone want to buy used panties? <br />
<br />
There are several reasons why someone would want to buy used underwear:<br />
<br />
a) It's a kink. Several buyers are turned on the by smell, feel and sometimes even taste of used underwear, which means buying such an item is a no-brainer to them.<br />
<br />
b) The sellers. Some buyers have a real connection or infatuation with certain sellers, so much so that they want and sometimes feel they need to buy underwear from this person, to feel close to them or even support them.<br />
<br />
c) For you. Buyers also enjoy the idea of the underwear being worn for them. A lot of the time, sellers will take custom requests where they'll wear specific pairs of underwear a specific way for a specific buyer. It makes the whole experience very personal.<br />
<br />
I think the reason each buyer actually purchases underwear is unique to them, the above is just a general overview.<br />
<br />
4. How much does the average pair trade for?<br />
<br />
The average pair ranges from $20-50.<br />
<br />
5. Are there any strategies that tend to garner top dollar (e.g. wearing the panties for a specific period of time, sharing personal stories or pics)?<br />
<br />
The best way to gain good traction selling underwear is by creating a quality profile and being social. A quality profile consists of a descriptive bio, high quality images, several items for sale with an array of different styles, scents, colours etc., different price points for items, listing new items regularly, interacting with buyers and so much more. A lot of people think this a "get rich quick" scheme, but you are essentially starting your own business, you have to put the effort in.<br />
<br />
6. Can you share a few of the most unusual (titillating) requests you’ve received from buyers?<br />
<br />
I think the most unusual request that we receive fairly regularly is underwear that's been defecated in. Of course this is something that is strictly prohibited on the site for hygienic and shipping reasons.<br />
<br />
7. If you’re curious about selling, but feel reticent due to social stigma, what advice or support do you offer?<br />
<br />
If this makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, it really isn't the industry for you. Selling your underwear is intended to make you feel liberated, sexy and empowered, if you're embarrassed, it's clearly not something you should be dabbling in. That being said, if anonymity is your issue, you can remain completely anonymous while selling your underwear, you don't have to use your real name or show pictures of your face.<br />
<br />
8. Do folks of all genders sell/buy on your site or is it primarily men buying from women?<br />
<br />
Generally it is men buying from women, however, we get people of all genders and orientations using the site as both buyers and s...Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean36:19How to Help Someone in an Abusive Relationshiphttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/02/aime-harwick-podcast/
Fri, 21 Feb 2020 14:30:38 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10741The toll of intimate partner violence struck close to home this week and with this weighing on her mind, Jess discusses nine strategies for supporting a loved one who is dealing with an abusive partner. This isn’t a private issue, it’s a public health crisis and we have to do more to protect those at risk.
Content warning: I will be talking about violence and the death of someone in my community.
I will be reading some of the details of a recent death, so if you don’t feel comfortable hearing about intimate partner violence and death, please stop this podcast now. This may not be for you.
Last weekend Dr. Amie Harwick, a marriage and family therapist who focused on relationships and sex was killed. She was killed in her home and was found below a third floor balcony with evidence of manual strangulation according to news reports. Her ex has been charged with murder.
According to reports from court documents from 2011 & 2012, her ex choked, suffocated, pushed, kicked, slammed her head into the ground and refused to get help. He pushed her out of a car. He broke into her housing complex, smashed ten picture frames against her door, left 4 dozen flowers taped to her door and left a note warning that things would get worse.
A restraining order was enacted against him. It expired two weeks prior to her death.
I don’t know why restraining orders expire. I’m not an expert in legal protections against violent partners and exes. But my intuition is that they shouldn’t expire.
There is now a petition on change.org called Justice 4 Amie. The creator, suggests that some changes to protect those dealing with a violent or abusive partner begin with:
1. No expiration date or a longer protection term and to not be lifted until victim requests it to be cancelled. (In reference to restraining orders.)
2. Mandatory long-term counselling for the stalker/abuser. If they are deemed a harm to the victim or society, then institutionalization may be ordered.
3. Victims should not have to testify in a courtroom close to their abuser/stalker. There should be an option to live stream in a safe space in a satellite location for the hearing with the judge. It's a traumatic experience that the victim is already dealing with and should not be subjected to it again if they do not feel they can. That is why many abusers get away with their actions: many victims back out of trial due to fear of facing their perpetrator.
Amie ran into this ex at an industry event a few weeks before her death.
According to a friend who is quoted in several news outlets, the ex went ballistic and was abusive and threatening. Amie said she was scared he would show up at her home. She went to the police, but they did not take it seriously.
You may have read headlines about Amie’s death or seen photos of her with celebrity comedian Drew Carey because they also used to date.
I want to read a message from a close mutual friend, Dr. Hernando Chaves that sums up what I’m thinking because I think he says it better than I will right now:
“She did everything she could do to protect herself, and this person still sought her out and was violent toward her,” Chaves said. “That is what people I hope are going to see — not the sensationalism of her dating Drew Carey or being a ‘Hollywood sex therapist’... but that our system is not protecting women.”
I’ve been really anxious since I heard the news. I’m angry. I’m so sad. I’m sad obviously for Amie and her family and loved ones who were closer to her than I was, but I’m also sad that in a world where we take so many precautions to protect the public, we still aren’t doing what it takes to protect those at risk of violence from their partners.
Amie and I had a lot in common. We were supposed to meet on Tuesday in Hollywood. She was so smart. I interviewed her for my podcast a few years ago and she helped me to manage some of my people pleasing tendencies on the air.The toll of intimate partner violence struck close to home this week and with this weighing on her mind, Jess discusses nine strategies for supporting a loved one who is dealing with an abusive partner. This isn’t a private issue,The toll of intimate partner violence struck close to home this week and with this weighing on her mind, Jess discusses nine strategies for supporting a loved one who is dealing with an abusive partner. This isn’t a private issue, it’s a public health crisis and we have to do more to protect those at risk.<br />
<br />
Content warning: I will be talking about violence and the death of someone in my community.<br />
<br />
I will be reading some of the details of a recent death, so if you don’t feel comfortable hearing about intimate partner violence and death, please stop this podcast now. This may not be for you.<br />
<br />
Last weekend Dr. Amie Harwick, a marriage and family therapist who focused on relationships and sex was killed. She was killed in her home and was found below a third floor balcony with evidence of manual strangulation according to news reports. Her ex has been charged with murder.<br />
<br />
According to reports from court documents from 2011 & 2012, her ex choked, suffocated, pushed, kicked, slammed her head into the ground and refused to get help. He pushed her out of a car. He broke into her housing complex, smashed ten picture frames against her door, left 4 dozen flowers taped to her door and left a note warning that things would get worse.<br />
<br />
A restraining order was enacted against him. It expired two weeks prior to her death.<br />
<br />
I don’t know why restraining orders expire. I’m not an expert in legal protections against violent partners and exes. But my intuition is that they shouldn’t expire.<br />
<br />
There is now a petition on change.org called Justice 4 Amie. The creator, suggests that some changes to protect those dealing with a violent or abusive partner begin with:<br />
<br />
1. No expiration date or a longer protection term and to not be lifted until victim requests it to be cancelled. (In reference to restraining orders.)<br />
<br />
2. Mandatory long-term counselling for the stalker/abuser. If they are deemed a harm to the victim or society, then institutionalization may be ordered.<br />
<br />
3. Victims should not have to testify in a courtroom close to their abuser/stalker. There should be an option to live stream in a safe space in a satellite location for the hearing with the judge. It's a traumatic experience that the victim is already dealing with and should not be subjected to it again if they do not feel they can. That is why many abusers get away with their actions: many victims back out of trial due to fear of facing their perpetrator.<br />
<br />
Amie ran into this ex at an industry event a few weeks before her death.<br />
<br />
According to a friend who is quoted in several news outlets, the ex went ballistic and was abusive and threatening. Amie said she was scared he would show up at her home. She went to the police, but they did not take it seriously.<br />
<br />
You may have read headlines about Amie’s death or seen photos of her with celebrity comedian Drew Carey because they also used to date.<br />
<br />
I want to read a message from a close mutual friend, Dr. Hernando Chaves that sums up what I’m thinking because I think he says it better than I will right now:<br />
<br />
“She did everything she could do to protect herself, and this person still sought her out and was violent toward her,” Chaves said. “That is what people I hope are going to see — not the sensationalism of her dating Drew Carey or being a ‘Hollywood sex therapist’... but that our system is not protecting women.”<br />
<br />
I’ve been really anxious since I heard the news. I’m angry. I’m so sad. I’m sad obviously for Amie and her family and loved ones who were closer to her than I was, but I’m also sad that in a world where we take so many precautions to protect the public, we still aren’t doing what it takes to protect those at risk of violence from their partners.<br />
<br />
Amie and I had a lot in common.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean28:41Orgasmic Meditation: A First-Hand Reporthttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/02/suzannah-weiss-podcast/
Fri, 14 Feb 2020 16:47:43 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10731Sex writer, Suzannah Weiss, joins Jess to share her personal experience with orgasmic meditation. She discusses:
An alternative view of orgasm
The very specific technique for “orgasmic meditation"
The story of her first time with a stranger
The high she gets from "extended orgasm"
Her favourite sex club
Advice for sex club newbies
Follow Suzannah on Instagram & Twitter.Sex writer, Suzannah Weiss, joins Jess to share her personal experience with orgasmic meditation. She discusses: An alternative view of orgasm The very specific technique for “orgasmic meditation" Sex writer, Suzannah Weiss, joins Jess to share her personal experience with orgasmic meditation. She discusses:<br />
<br />
An alternative view of orgasm<br />
The very specific technique for “orgasmic meditation"<br />
The story of her first time with a stranger<br />
The high she gets from "extended orgasm"<br />
Her favourite sex club<br />
Advice for sex club newbies<br />
<br />
Follow Suzannah on Instagram & Twitter.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean18:02A Rant About Micro-Cheatinghttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/02/a-rant-about-micro-cheating/
Fri, 07 Feb 2020 21:05:22 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10700This is a six minute quickie! And it’s a bit of a rant about micro-cheating. From deep-liking to chatting with an ex, what behaviours are considered cheating? And how do you deal with a partner whose behaviour is making you uncomfortable? Have a quickie listen today!
Please see below for a rough transcript of this podcast...
Behaviours that have been classified as micro-cheating include: using emoticons, liking too many photos on an account, “deep liking” online (liking old photos), posting sexy selfies, having friends of the gender(s) to which you’re attracted, and having private DM conversations.
I think this is absurd. What specifically constitutes cheating is subjective, but the micro-cheating expectations set some very narrow guidelines that simply are not realistic. In fact, some of these expectations are rooted in control, possession and monitoring that sets off some red flags with the potential to undermine respect, love and personal autonomy.
Is it fair to say that anything that makes your partner uncomfortable should be classified as cheating or micro-cheating?
Certainly, some of these behaviours can cause tension in a relationship, but tension itself is not evidence that your behaviour is in appropriate; compatibility and monogamy are subjective concepts — one person might be fine with their partner dancing sensually with another person and another might find it threatening. Neither is right or wrong — it’s up to you and your partner to talk about expectations and boundaries.
I’m more concerned about the desire to control your partner’s behaviour than I am about many of the behaviours on the so-called micro-cheating list.
What if you disagree on these boundaries and definitions of cheating?
If you disagree, you run into an issue of compatibility. Again — there is no universal standard. Many of our expectations around relationships are personal, cultural and even regional.
You have to talk about these issues and behaviours from the onset and you need to keep talking. It’s a conversation that requires vulnerability and work and compromise. You don’t get to call the shots and the real mistakes people make is the assumption of monogamy, and the assumption that monogamy means the same thing to everyone. It doesn’t. We have a wealth of data to support this, but people are so hung up on their belief that they are the ultimate arbiter of right and wrong that they make far too many assumptions.
Let’s say you have this conversation and you still disagree. Does this mean you're incompatible?
It might. But you might also need to be more flexible. If you expect to find someone who agrees with you on everything, you should stop looking. They don’t exist. It can feel that way when you first meet because you’re overwhelmed by passion chemicals, but once you get to know them, I can assure you there will be significant differences in definitions and expectations.
How do you have the conversation effectively?
You dig deep and get vulnerable. And you talk about feelings first. If something makes you uncomfortable, you need to identify the emotion associated with that discomfort — is it insecurity, self-consciousness, fear, threat of loss or another negative emotion? Talk about the feeling that underlies your desire or belief as opposed to debating the righteousness of a behaviour. If you don’t want your partner to text their ex, talk about how it makes you feel as opposed to discrediting the person. When you show vulnerability, it leads to more honest and meaningful conversations.
And for the partner who is engaging in a behaviour that causes tension, ask yourself why it’s important to you. Why do you do it? Do you chat with your ex because you’re secretly hoping for an intimate connection or do you stay in touch because they’re an important person in your life? Convey the underlying motivation and feelings honestly to your partner.
We’ll all be better off when we stop trying to control o...This is a six minute quickie! And it’s a bit of a rant about micro-cheating. From deep-liking to chatting with an ex, what behaviours are considered cheating? And how do you deal with a partner whose behaviour is making you uncomfortable?This is a six minute quickie! And it’s a bit of a rant about micro-cheating. From deep-liking to chatting with an ex, what behaviours are considered cheating? And how do you deal with a partner whose behaviour is making you uncomfortable? Have a quickie listen today!<br />
<br />
Please see below for a rough transcript of this podcast...<br />
<br />
Behaviours that have been classified as micro-cheating include: using emoticons, liking too many photos on an account, “deep liking” online (liking old photos), posting sexy selfies, having friends of the gender(s) to which you’re attracted, and having private DM conversations.<br />
<br />
I think this is absurd. What specifically constitutes cheating is subjective, but the micro-cheating expectations set some very narrow guidelines that simply are not realistic. In fact, some of these expectations are rooted in control, possession and monitoring that sets off some red flags with the potential to undermine respect, love and personal autonomy.<br />
<br />
Is it fair to say that anything that makes your partner uncomfortable should be classified as cheating or micro-cheating?<br />
<br />
Certainly, some of these behaviours can cause tension in a relationship, but tension itself is not evidence that your behaviour is in appropriate; compatibility and monogamy are subjective concepts — one person might be fine with their partner dancing sensually with another person and another might find it threatening. Neither is right or wrong — it’s up to you and your partner to talk about expectations and boundaries.<br />
<br />
I’m more concerned about the desire to control your partner’s behaviour than I am about many of the behaviours on the so-called micro-cheating list.<br />
<br />
What if you disagree on these boundaries and definitions of cheating?<br />
<br />
If you disagree, you run into an issue of compatibility. Again — there is no universal standard. Many of our expectations around relationships are personal, cultural and even regional.<br />
<br />
You have to talk about these issues and behaviours from the onset and you need to keep talking. It’s a conversation that requires vulnerability and work and compromise. You don’t get to call the shots and the real mistakes people make is the assumption of monogamy, and the assumption that monogamy means the same thing to everyone. It doesn’t. We have a wealth of data to support this, but people are so hung up on their belief that they are the ultimate arbiter of right and wrong that they make far too many assumptions.<br />
<br />
Let’s say you have this conversation and you still disagree. Does this mean you're incompatible?<br />
<br />
It might. But you might also need to be more flexible. If you expect to find someone who agrees with you on everything, you should stop looking. They don’t exist. It can feel that way when you first meet because you’re overwhelmed by passion chemicals, but once you get to know them, I can assure you there will be significant differences in definitions and expectations.<br />
<br />
How do you have the conversation effectively?<br />
<br />
You dig deep and get vulnerable. And you talk about feelings first. If something makes you uncomfortable, you need to identify the emotion associated with that discomfort — is it insecurity, self-consciousness, fear, threat of loss or another negative emotion? Talk about the feeling that underlies your desire or belief as opposed to debating the righteousness of a behaviour. If you don’t want your partner to text their ex, talk about how it makes you feel as opposed to discrediting the person. When you show vulnerability, it leads to more honest and meaningful conversations.<br />
<br />
And for the partner who is engaging in a behaviour that causes tension, ask yourself why it’s important to you. Why do you do it? Do you chat with your ex because you’re secretly hoping for an intimate connection or do you stay in touch because they’...Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean7:21How to Manage Infidelity As A Couplehttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/01/how-to-manage-infidelity-as-a-couple/
Fri, 31 Jan 2020 14:13:38 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10683George’s wife cheated on him — twice. He still remembers the smell of the room they were in when she told him 13+ years ago. George joins us to share his story of how worked through the infidelity and continue to grow as a couple. He shares his struggles, lessons learned and the ways in which his community supported them through the process. Many years later, they’re together and thriving just as they did in the early years of their relationship.
Please see a rough transcript of this episode below.
Brandon: Welcome to the @SexWithDrJess Podcast. I’m your co-host Brandon Ware here with my lovely partner, Dr. Jess
Jess: Today we’re going to be talking about infidelity and moving forward after an affair.
In the past, we’ve talked about the fact that there are many ways in which you can hurt your partner. There are many means through which you can cause harm to a relationship. And that feeling hurt is a universal experience alongside the feelings of being let down, feeling alone and even feeling betrayed at times.
In a world that touts monogamy as the gold standard of relationships, however, we have placed sexual cheating at the top of the transgression hierarchy. Many view cheating as the worst possible thing you can do to your partner (perhaps with the exception of physical and emotional abuse).
But the reality is that cheating is common. Some research suggests that one quarter of us has cheated. I’d suggest that the number might be higher, because it’s difficult to even be honest with ourselves let alone to be honest with researchers.
But relationships survive and thrive despite cheating.
And whether or not someone has cheated isn’t necessarily an accurate measure of your relationship quality or fulfilment. You can be in a relationship in which no one has cheated and be miserable and you can be in a relationship in which you’ve both cheated in the past, worked through the causes and effects and be living in deep fulfilment.
We’ve talked about monogamy in the past and the challenges that it presents for many people — and strict or toxic monogamy, in particular, so we won’t get into that now. Instead, we’re going to delve into a real life story of how cheating can be overcome.
Joining us today to share his story of how he managed and worked through an affair in his relationship is George, who has been listening to the podcast and wrote in with his story.
George: I will start off with the good news first: We have been married for nearly 16 years now, we have 3 kids and a good home. She is a stay at home mom and I work full-time. We have a great home and a dog to boot. I need to pinch myself sometimes because we are so fortunate to have what we have, to be together with each other and our kids and to have fulfilling relationships with friends and family.
3 years in to our marriage my wife cheated on me with her boss. The emotion behind writing this even 13 years in the future is still very raw and palatable. I can remember the smells of the tavern we were at when she told me. She had 2 (that she told me of) separate encounters with him. One in their office in Chicago, another on a company trip to NYC. My heart rate is increasing in the telling now.
We were both working in lower paying, middle management jobs. We rented a crummy house in a nice community that was near where I worked and the train to the city where her office was located. We were in our late 20's and we spent our evenings and weekends drinking with my friends, smoking cigarettes and giggling. In retrospect I was avoiding adulthood.
We had a lively sexual life, I thought, although she wasn't in the mood as much as I am. Truthfully, she still isn't as I am usually ready on a moment's notice. She needs the set and setting just so. Conversely, an empty house without kids in it will do at this point! At any rate, I have always been attracted to her. Even now as we approach our mid-40's she is a sexy women with a body I ...George’s wife cheated on him — twice. He still remembers the smell of the room they were in when she told him 13+ years ago. George joins us to share his story of how worked through the infidelity and continue to grow as a couple.George’s wife cheated on him — twice. He still remembers the smell of the room they were in when she told him 13+ years ago. George joins us to share his story of how worked through the infidelity and continue to grow as a couple. He shares his struggles, lessons learned and the ways in which his community supported them through the process. Many years later, they’re together and thriving just as they did in the early years of their relationship.<br />
<br />
Please see a rough transcript of this episode below. <br />
<br />
Brandon: Welcome to the @SexWithDrJess Podcast. I’m your co-host Brandon Ware here with my lovely partner, Dr. Jess<br />
<br />
Jess: Today we’re going to be talking about infidelity and moving forward after an affair.<br />
<br />
In the past, we’ve talked about the fact that there are many ways in which you can hurt your partner. There are many means through which you can cause harm to a relationship. And that feeling hurt is a universal experience alongside the feelings of being let down, feeling alone and even feeling betrayed at times.<br />
<br />
In a world that touts monogamy as the gold standard of relationships, however, we have placed sexual cheating at the top of the transgression hierarchy. Many view cheating as the worst possible thing you can do to your partner (perhaps with the exception of physical and emotional abuse).<br />
<br />
But the reality is that cheating is common. Some research suggests that one quarter of us has cheated. I’d suggest that the number might be higher, because it’s difficult to even be honest with ourselves let alone to be honest with researchers.<br />
<br />
But relationships survive and thrive despite cheating.<br />
<br />
And whether or not someone has cheated isn’t necessarily an accurate measure of your relationship quality or fulfilment. You can be in a relationship in which no one has cheated and be miserable and you can be in a relationship in which you’ve both cheated in the past, worked through the causes and effects and be living in deep fulfilment.<br />
<br />
We’ve talked about monogamy in the past and the challenges that it presents for many people — and strict or toxic monogamy, in particular, so we won’t get into that now. Instead, we’re going to delve into a real life story of how cheating can be overcome.<br />
<br />
Joining us today to share his story of how he managed and worked through an affair in his relationship is George, who has been listening to the podcast and wrote in with his story.<br />
<br />
George: I will start off with the good news first: We have been married for nearly 16 years now, we have 3 kids and a good home. She is a stay at home mom and I work full-time. We have a great home and a dog to boot. I need to pinch myself sometimes because we are so fortunate to have what we have, to be together with each other and our kids and to have fulfilling relationships with friends and family.<br />
<br />
3 years in to our marriage my wife cheated on me with her boss. The emotion behind writing this even 13 years in the future is still very raw and palatable. I can remember the smells of the tavern we were at when she told me. She had 2 (that she told me of) separate encounters with him. One in their office in Chicago, another on a company trip to NYC. My heart rate is increasing in the telling now.<br />
<br />
We were both working in lower paying, middle management jobs. We rented a crummy house in a nice community that was near where I worked and the train to the city where her office was located. We were in our late 20's and we spent our evenings and weekends drinking with my friends, smoking cigarettes and giggling. In retrospect I was avoiding adulthood.<br />
<br />
We had a lively sexual life, I thought, although she wasn't in the mood as much as I am. Truthfully, she still isn't as I am usually ready on a moment's notice. She needs the set and setting just so. Conversely,Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean41:22Kink, Energy Orgasms & Multi-Dimensional Body Scanshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/01/evguenia-podcast/
Fri, 24 Jan 2020 14:05:45 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10664Evguenia joins Jess & Brandon to share her personal experience with kink play, polyamory, and energy orgasms. She shares a short erotic story (The Decadent Play Party) from her book, Alice in Polyland and walks Jess & Brandon through a multi-dimensional body scan.
As it was referenced on the podcast, check out Evguenia's free Healing Body Scan Exercise here.
Follow Evguenia on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter & Youtube.
Evguenia joins Jess & Brandon to share her personal experience with kink play, polyamory, and energy orgasms. She shares a short erotic story (The Decadent Play Party) from her book, Alice in Polyland and walks Jess & Brandon through a multi-dimensiona...Evguenia joins Jess & Brandon to share her personal experience with kink play, polyamory, and energy orgasms. She shares a short erotic story (The Decadent Play Party) from her book, Alice in Polyland and walks Jess & Brandon through a multi-dimensional body scan.<br />
<br />
As it was referenced on the podcast, check out Evguenia's free Healing Body Scan Exercise here.<br />
<br />
Follow Evguenia on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter & Youtube.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean49:14Amazing Anal & Prostate Playhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/01/amazing-anal-prostate-play/
Fri, 17 Jan 2020 17:50:01 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10652Author & Sex Educator Carlyle Jansen joins us to discuss anal sex, prostate pleasure and sex toys. Carlyle shares her insights and tips regarding:
How to stimulate the perineal sponge
The best toys for prostate pleasure
The importance of butt plugs for anal sphincter relaxation
Why you want to have Goldilocks poops
The water-bottle butt technique
The clock technique for the prostate
The importance of your knuckles when it comes to your butt
The relationship between “rest & digest” and pleasure
Be sure to catch "Conversations for Couples: Passion, Intimacy, Sex & More" with Jess & Brandon at Good For Her in Toronto on January 27th, 2020! Get your tickets here.
The following products were mentioned in today's podcast:
Loki Wave
Fun Factory Duke
Pleasure Plug
We-Vibe Vector
Aneros Prostate Simulator
To learn more about anal play, listen to Episode 72, "All About Anal" here.Author & Sex Educator Carlyle Jansen joins us to discuss anal sex, prostate pleasure and sex toys. Carlyle shares her insights and tips regarding: How to stimulate the perineal sponge The best toys for prostate pleasure Author & Sex Educator Carlyle Jansen joins us to discuss anal sex, prostate pleasure and sex toys. Carlyle shares her insights and tips regarding:<br />
<br />
How to stimulate the perineal sponge<br />
The best toys for prostate pleasure<br />
The importance of butt plugs for anal sphincter relaxation<br />
Why you want to have Goldilocks poops<br />
The water-bottle butt technique<br />
The clock technique for the prostate<br />
The importance of your knuckles when it comes to your butt<br />
The relationship between “rest & digest” and pleasure<br />
<br />
Be sure to catch "Conversations for Couples: Passion, Intimacy, Sex & More" with Jess & Brandon at Good For Her in Toronto on January 27th, 2020! Get your tickets here.<br />
<br />
The following products were mentioned in today's podcast:<br />
<br />
Loki Wave<br />
Fun Factory Duke<br />
Pleasure Plug<br />
We-Vibe Vector<br />
Aneros Prostate Simulator<br />
<br />
To learn more about anal play, listen to Episode 72, "All About Anal" here.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean50:21Specific Strategies for Talking to Teens About Sex, Sexting & Morehttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/01/karen-rayne-podcast/
Fri, 10 Jan 2020 14:10:35 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10625Author and sex education expert, Dr. Karen Rayne is a wealth of information and has developed specific and actionable strategies to help you talk to your kids and teens about sex and other difficult topics. In this episode, Karen and Jess discuss:
How to talk to teens about breakups, sex, sexting, risk-taking
The “one question” rule to revolutionize conversations about sex
Specific “rules” for talking to teens
10 steps to break the “hush factor” when it comes to sex
The benefits of considering yourself a “contractor” when it comes to your teen
How to ensure that your child/teen feel supported and come to you during times of need, distress and crisis
Sexting - essential rules, approaches and considerations
How to stay cool when your teen is riling you up
Considerations related to how much space and autonomy to give your teen
As Dr. Karen referenced "The Hush Factor" in today's podcast, please see this explanatory graphic below. Follow Dr. Karen on Instagram.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Author and sex education expert, Dr. Karen Rayne is a wealth of information and has developed specific and actionable strategies to help you talk to your kids and teens about sex and other difficult topics. In this episode, Karen and Jess discuss: - Author and sex education expert, Dr. Karen Rayne is a wealth of information and has developed specific and actionable strategies to help you talk to your kids and teens about sex and other difficult topics. In this episode, Karen and Jess discuss:<br />
<br />
How to talk to teens about breakups, sex, sexting, risk-taking<br />
The “one question” rule to revolutionize conversations about sex<br />
Specific “rules” for talking to teens<br />
10 steps to break the “hush factor” when it comes to sex<br />
The benefits of considering yourself a “contractor” when it comes to your teen<br />
How to ensure that your child/teen feel supported and come to you during times of need, distress and crisis<br />
Sexting - essential rules, approaches and considerations<br />
How to stay cool when your teen is riling you up<br />
Considerations related to how much space and autonomy to give your teen<br />
<br />
As Dr. Karen referenced "The Hush Factor" in today's podcast, please see this explanatory graphic below. Follow Dr. Karen on Instagram.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean43:44Sexual Values Questionnaire Part IIhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2020/01/sexual-values-questionnaire-part-ii/
Fri, 03 Jan 2020 17:34:21 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10611Jess & Brandon complete the Sexual Values Questionnaire and continue learning about themselves and one another. They discuss how they feel about the physical, practical, emotional and spiritual components of sex. They also discuss sexual frequency and some of the challenges they personally face.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Jess & Brandon complete the Sexual Values Questionnaire and continue learning about themselves and one another. They discuss how they feel about the physical, practical, emotional and spiritual components of sex.Jess & Brandon complete the Sexual Values Questionnaire and continue learning about themselves and one another. They discuss how they feel about the physical, practical, emotional and spiritual components of sex. They also discuss sexual frequency and some of the challenges they personally face.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean45:59How to Better Understand Your Sexual Values (And Your Partner’s)https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/12/how-to-better-understand-your-sexual-values-and-your-partners/
Fri, 27 Dec 2019 14:00:46 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10601Happy holidays! In this episode, Jess and Brandon use the Sexual Values Questionnaire to explore their own sexual values. Brandon shares his experiences learning about sex and gender through sport, family and (Catholic) school and Jess shares her memories of what she learned about sex growing up. They don’t complete the full exercise, so it will be continued in next week’s episode.
Feel free to try the Sexual Values Questionnaire on your own or with your partner(s) using the following questions as discussion prompts:
1. What messages did you receive about sex growing up?
2. What messages do you wish to retain and which ones do you want to reframe/discard?
3. What does sex mean to you?
4. How important is sex to you?
5. What emotional components of sex do you value?
6. What physical & practical components of sex do you value?
7. What spiritual components of sex do you value?
8. How often do you want to have sex?
9. How do you want to feel before, during & after sex?
10. How do you anticipate sex changing over time?
11. What are the sexual challenges you currently face and how can you address them?
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Happy holidays! In this episode, Jess and Brandon use the Sexual Values Questionnaire to explore their own sexual values. Brandon shares his experiences learning about sex and gender through sport, family and (Catholic) school and Jess shares her memor...Happy holidays! In this episode, Jess and Brandon use the Sexual Values Questionnaire to explore their own sexual values. Brandon shares his experiences learning about sex and gender through sport, family and (Catholic) school and Jess shares her memories of what she learned about sex growing up. They don’t complete the full exercise, so it will be continued in next week’s episode.<br />
<br />
Feel free to try the Sexual Values Questionnaire on your own or with your partner(s) using the following questions as discussion prompts:<br />
<br />
1. What messages did you receive about sex growing up?<br />
2. What messages do you wish to retain and which ones do you want to reframe/discard?<br />
3. What does sex mean to you?<br />
4. How important is sex to you?<br />
5. What emotional components of sex do you value?<br />
6. What physical & practical components of sex do you value?<br />
7. What spiritual components of sex do you value?<br />
8. How often do you want to have sex?<br />
9. How do you want to feel before, during & after sex?<br />
10. How do you anticipate sex changing over time?<br />
11. What are the sexual challenges you currently face and how can you address them?<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean49:43The Most Common Couple Fights & How to Manage Conflict This Holiday Seasonhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/12/rachel-needle-podcast/
Fri, 20 Dec 2019 14:11:11 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10587What are the most common issues couples fight about? How can you argue less and effectively manage conflict? How do you find middle ground when it comes to tough topics like money, sex and time? How can you support your partner over the holidays when they’re faced with family and sibling conflict? Jess and Brandon share their stories and sex therapist and psychologist Dr. Rachel Needle weighs in with her expertise.
Follow Dr. Rachel on Facebook, Twitter & Instagram.
To learn more about Modern Sex Therapy Institutes, click here.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.What are the most common issues couples fight about? How can you argue less and effectively manage conflict? How do you find middle ground when it comes to tough topics like money, sex and time? How can you support your partner over the holidays when t...What are the most common issues couples fight about? How can you argue less and effectively manage conflict? How do you find middle ground when it comes to tough topics like money, sex and time? How can you support your partner over the holidays when they’re faced with family and sibling conflict? Jess and Brandon share their stories and sex therapist and psychologist Dr. Rachel Needle weighs in with her expertise.<br />
<br />
Follow Dr. Rachel on Facebook, Twitter & Instagram.<br />
<br />
To learn more about Modern Sex Therapy Institutes, click here.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean48:38Full-Body Orgasms & How to Be Grounded in Your Bodyhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/12/mkali-hashiki-podcast/
Fri, 13 Dec 2019 14:00:49 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10572M'kali-Hashiki has a complex sexual history including personal experience with polyamory, non-monogamy, BDSM, and achieving mystical states during sex. She considers herself a “sexual outlaw”, as well as being a “triple minority” (Black, female, and queer); accordingly, she views society's standards on sexuality with a critical eye.
In this episode, we discuss:
Erotic empowerment & breath work
The difference between the erotic and the sexual
How to be more grounded in your body
The importance of “checking in” with the butthole and with the jaw
Full-body orgasms
Follow M'kali on Instagram, Facebook & Youtube.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.M'kali-Hashiki has a complex sexual history including personal experience with polyamory, non-monogamy, BDSM, and achieving mystical states during sex. She considers herself a “sexual outlaw”, as well as being a “triple minority” (Black, female,M'kali-Hashiki has a complex sexual history including personal experience with polyamory, non-monogamy, BDSM, and achieving mystical states during sex. She considers herself a “sexual outlaw”, as well as being a “triple minority” (Black, female, and queer); accordingly, she views society's standards on sexuality with a critical eye.<br />
<br />
In this episode, we discuss:<br />
<br />
Erotic empowerment & breath work<br />
The difference between the erotic and the sexual<br />
How to be more grounded in your body<br />
The importance of “checking in” with the butthole and with the jaw<br />
Full-body orgasms<br />
<br />
Follow M'kali on Instagram, Facebook & Youtube.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean29:45Fat Sex, Topping & Bottoming and How To Be a Dominant in Bedhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/12/nikki-davaughn-podcast/
Fri, 06 Dec 2019 14:00:17 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10538Nikki DaVaughn joins Jess to share insights on Domination, dirty talk, fat sex and body confidence. We cover:
Scripts you can use if you want to try being more Dominant with your lover.
The difference between being a Dominant and a top; the difference between being a sub and a bottom.
The language of fatness: plus-size vs curvy vs fat.
How her mother’s voice offset the potential effects of a fat phobic and objectifying culture.
Body positivity versus body neutrality.
Follow Fat Bottom Cabaret on Instagram and Facebook.
Follow Nikki on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Nikki DaVaughn joins Jess to share insights on Domination, dirty talk, fat sex and body confidence. We cover: Scripts you can use if you want to try being more Dominant with your lover. The difference between being a Dominant and a top; the dif...Nikki DaVaughn joins Jess to share insights on Domination, dirty talk, fat sex and body confidence. We cover:<br />
<br />
Scripts you can use if you want to try being more Dominant with your lover.<br />
The difference between being a Dominant and a top; the difference between being a sub and a bottom.<br />
The language of fatness: plus-size vs curvy vs fat.<br />
How her mother’s voice offset the potential effects of a fat phobic and objectifying culture.<br />
Body positivity versus body neutrality.<br />
<br />
Follow Fat Bottom Cabaret on Instagram and Facebook.<br />
<br />
Follow Nikki on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean42:11Learning to Love Yourself — Especially When Dealing With Loss, Grief & Shamehttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/11/ava-cadell-podcast/
Fri, 29 Nov 2019 14:00:16 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10509Dr. Ava Cadell shares her journey from growing up in an orphanage and surviving assault to working as a nude model and becoming one of the most well-known sexologists in the world. Ava shares a wealth of information from her personal and professional journeys including:
Exercises to heal from loss and self-hate
How to find your own voice after trauma
Strategies for loving yourself after the loss of a loved one
Neuro-based exercises to break familiar patterns
Strategies for improving body image and rewriting scripts about love, sex and intimacy
The role of art therapy, empathy and meditation in healing
Free resources for those dealing with grief, loss and shame
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Ava Cadell shares her journey from growing up in an orphanage and surviving assault to working as a nude model and becoming one of the most well-known sexologists in the world. Ava shares a wealth of information from her personal and professional j...Dr. Ava Cadell shares her journey from growing up in an orphanage and surviving assault to working as a nude model and becoming one of the most well-known sexologists in the world. Ava shares a wealth of information from her personal and professional journeys including:<br />
<br />
Exercises to heal from loss and self-hate<br />
How to find your own voice after trauma<br />
Strategies for loving yourself after the loss of a loved one<br />
Neuro-based exercises to break familiar patterns<br />
Strategies for improving body image and rewriting scripts about love, sex and intimacy<br />
The role of art therapy, empathy and meditation in healing<br />
Free resources for those dealing with grief, loss and shame<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean50:59Holiday Kink, Rewiring the Brain, ABDL & Setting Boundarieshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/11/carlos-cavazos-podcast/
Fri, 22 Nov 2019 14:10:09 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10487Licensed therapist Carlos Cavazos is a firecracker and an incredible source of insights and easy-to-use advice for more fulfilling relationships and hotter sex. In this episode we discuss:
How to take care of yourself first when you are accustomed to caring for others (personally and/or professionally)
The difference between independence, inter-dependence, and co-dependence
How to set healthy boundaries this holiday season
How to overcome negative-filtering, so that you can be happier in love and life
Exercises to support your mental health
How to make the festive season kinky and have more exciting sex
Sploshing and cake-sitting
Adult baby diaper lovers (ABDL)
How to reduce the stress of hyper-vigilance
How to use Naughty and Nice lists to spice things up
Follow Carlos on Instagram, Youtube, & Twitter.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Licensed therapist Carlos Cavazos is a firecracker and an incredible source of insights and easy-to-use advice for more fulfilling relationships and hotter sex. In this episode we discuss: How to take care of yourself first when you are accustomed...Licensed therapist Carlos Cavazos is a firecracker and an incredible source of insights and easy-to-use advice for more fulfilling relationships and hotter sex. In this episode we discuss:<br />
<br />
How to take care of yourself first when you are accustomed to caring for others (personally and/or professionally)<br />
The difference between independence, inter-dependence, and co-dependence<br />
How to set healthy boundaries this holiday season<br />
How to overcome negative-filtering, so that you can be happier in love and life<br />
Exercises to support your mental health<br />
How to make the festive season kinky and have more exciting sex<br />
Sploshing and cake-sitting<br />
Adult baby diaper lovers (ABDL)<br />
How to reduce the stress of hyper-vigilance<br />
How to use Naughty and Nice lists to spice things up<br />
<br />
Follow Carlos on Instagram, Youtube, & Twitter.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean38:16How the “Passion Interview” Can Improve Your Relationshiphttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/11/passion-interview-podcast/
Fri, 15 Nov 2019 14:00:57 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10458The Passion Interview is a tool used for couples to spark passion, improve understanding, and deepen intimacy. It’s designed to shift the conversation away from the mundane to the exploratory. Jess uses this exercise with couples in-session and in the 50 video online Master Class. In this week’s episode Jess and Brandon work through the questions together and discuss a range of topics: childhood memories, racial justice, privilege, the Obamas, retirement, routine, travel, regrets, physical affection and expressions of love.
You can download the passion interview here.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.The Passion Interview is a tool used for couples to spark passion, improve understanding, and deepen intimacy. It’s designed to shift the conversation away from the mundane to the exploratory. Jess uses this exercise with couples in-session and in the ...The Passion Interview is a tool used for couples to spark passion, improve understanding, and deepen intimacy. It’s designed to shift the conversation away from the mundane to the exploratory. Jess uses this exercise with couples in-session and in the 50 video online Master Class. In this week’s episode Jess and Brandon work through the questions together and discuss a range of topics: childhood memories, racial justice, privilege, the Obamas, retirement, routine, travel, regrets, physical affection and expressions of love.<br />
<br />
You can download the passion interview here.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean46:46In(Compatibility): When You Want an Open Relationship & Your Partner Doesn’thttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/11/heather-mcpherson-podcast/
Fri, 08 Nov 2019 15:21:04 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10433How do you approach your partner about an open relationship? What do you do if one partner wants monogamy and the other wants consensual non-monogamy? How do you get your partner to talk about sex if they’re shy or uncomfortable? How do you deal with sexless marriages? Heather McPherson, M.A., LPC-S, LMFT-S, CST joins us to discuss her experience working with couples and singles as a sex therapist and founder of the Sexual Health Alliance.
The Sexual Health Alliance has a Full Sex Therapy and Sex Education Certification Training program with all the CEs you need to apply to be AASECT Certified. SHA has several advance certificate training programs as will including CNM, Kink and more to be announced soon.
This weekend in Denver, Colorado, join world renowned experts in the field for a Sexceptional Weekend to learn the basics and explore all the intricacies of what it means to be in a consensual non-monogamous relationship. Lectures by Dr. Eli Sheff and Dr. David Ley with special guests from the APA Consensual Non-Monogamy Task Force and creators of the Orgy Story podcast.
And next weekend in Austin, TX, join the Sexual Health Alliance for Adventures in Unicorn Hunting, Happy Endings and Other Advanced Skills for Open Relationships with Dr. Eli Sheff and myself! We'll take a deep dive into Monogamish and Open Relationships and discuss advanced concepts, case studies and treatment approaches in working with these populations. And, join Heather and myself for a special evening program on Saturday at 8pm at Respark Therapy for The Business of Sex.
Follow the Sexual Health Alliance on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.
To learn more about Respark Therapy, click here. Follow Respark Therapy on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.How do you approach your partner about an open relationship? What do you do if one partner wants monogamy and the other wants consensual non-monogamy? How do you get your partner to talk about sex if they’re shy or uncomfortable?How do you approach your partner about an open relationship? What do you do if one partner wants monogamy and the other wants consensual non-monogamy? How do you get your partner to talk about sex if they’re shy or uncomfortable? How do you deal with sexless marriages? Heather McPherson, M.A., LPC-S, LMFT-S, CST joins us to discuss her experience working with couples and singles as a sex therapist and founder of the Sexual Health Alliance.<br />
<br />
The Sexual Health Alliance has a Full Sex Therapy and Sex Education Certification Training program with all the CEs you need to apply to be AASECT Certified. SHA has several advance certificate training programs as will including CNM, Kink and more to be announced soon.<br />
<br />
This weekend in Denver, Colorado, join world renowned experts in the field for a Sexceptional Weekend to learn the basics and explore all the intricacies of what it means to be in a consensual non-monogamous relationship. Lectures by Dr. Eli Sheff and Dr. David Ley with special guests from the APA Consensual Non-Monogamy Task Force and creators of the Orgy Story podcast.<br />
<br />
And next weekend in Austin, TX, join the Sexual Health Alliance for Adventures in Unicorn Hunting, Happy Endings and Other Advanced Skills for Open Relationships with Dr. Eli Sheff and myself! We'll take a deep dive into Monogamish and Open Relationships and discuss advanced concepts, case studies and treatment approaches in working with these populations. And, join Heather and myself for a special evening program on Saturday at 8pm at Respark Therapy for The Business of Sex.<br />
<br />
Follow the Sexual Health Alliance on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.<br />
<br />
To learn more about Respark Therapy, click here. Follow Respark Therapy on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean44:49Sex & Disability – A Personal Journeyhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/11/sex-disability-a-personal-journey/
Fri, 01 Nov 2019 13:05:14 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10390How do we define disability inclusively? How does disability affect sex and relationships? And why should we consider incontinence a public health issue? Mari Ramsawakh joins Jess and Brandon to reflect upon their personal story — from being bullied as a child to navigating ableism and fetishism to having the most fulfilling sex life imaginable. Have a listen and learn from their insights!
In this episode, Jess & Brandon referenced Mari's article, Incontinence is a Public Issue - And Why We Need to Talk About It. Read it here.
Follow Mari on Facebook, Twitter & Instagram.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.How do we define disability inclusively? How does disability affect sex and relationships? And why should we consider incontinence a public health issue? Mari Ramsawakh joins Jess and Brandon to reflect upon their personal story — from being bullied as...How do we define disability inclusively? How does disability affect sex and relationships? And why should we consider incontinence a public health issue? Mari Ramsawakh joins Jess and Brandon to reflect upon their personal story — from being bullied as a child to navigating ableism and fetishism to having the most fulfilling sex life imaginable. Have a listen and learn from their insights!<br />
<br />
In this episode, Jess & Brandon referenced Mari's article, Incontinence is a Public Issue - And Why We Need to Talk About It. Read it here.<br />
<br />
Follow Mari on Facebook, Twitter & Instagram.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean41:45How Does ADHD Affect Sex & Relationships?https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/10/how-does-adhd-affect-sex-relationships/
Fri, 25 Oct 2019 13:00:59 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10376How does ADHD affect sex, communication and intimate relationships? How do you break break the “parent-child” dynamic in relationships so you can focus on being partners and lovers? Psychologist and sex therapist, Dr. Ari Tuckman joins us to share insights from his research and latest book, ADHD After Dark: Better Sex Life, Better Relationship. His practical advice applies to all relationships, regardless of whether or not you have ADHD, so be sure to tune in!
To find out more information about Dr. Tuckman's books, podcast, past presentations (and more), check out adultADHDbook.com. Dr. Tuckman also recommends checking out CHADD. For Canadian listeners, check out The Centre for ADHD Awareness, Canada and The Canadian ADHD Resource Alliance.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.How does ADHD affect sex, communication and intimate relationships? How do you break break the “parent-child” dynamic in relationships so you can focus on being partners and lovers? Psychologist and sex therapist, Dr.How does ADHD affect sex, communication and intimate relationships? How do you break break the “parent-child” dynamic in relationships so you can focus on being partners and lovers? Psychologist and sex therapist, Dr. Ari Tuckman joins us to share insights from his research and latest book, ADHD After Dark: Better Sex Life, Better Relationship. His practical advice applies to all relationships, regardless of whether or not you have ADHD, so be sure to tune in!<br />
<br />
To find out more information about Dr. Tuckman's books, podcast, past presentations (and more), check out adultADHDbook.com. Dr. Tuckman also recommends checking out CHADD. For Canadian listeners, check out The Centre for ADHD Awareness, Canada and The Canadian ADHD Resource Alliance.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean38:01Expand Pleasure, Navigate Trauma, Manage Anxiety & Have More Fulfilling Relationshipshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/10/jamila-dawson-podcast/
Fri, 18 Oct 2019 13:00:41 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10349Interdisciplinary sex therapist, Jamila M. Dawson, joins Jess and Brandon in to discuss how sexual pleasure can be part of healing from trauma, the elements of happy relationships, how to be emotionally present, strategies for responding to anxiety and rejection, power dynamics in therapy and much more.
Jamila sees suffering not as a failure of your body or your mind but as responses to a culture that has damaging and unhealthy views on sex, religion, relationships, bodies, race, and gender. Her work is strongly rooted in somatic practices, self-discovery, social justice, and helping clients navigate not just their own relationships, but the cultures in which they live. Her success with clients is shaped by her pleasure-based, trauma informed framework and her concept of the 5 C’s (Curiosity, Creativity, Collaboration, Courage, Compassion).
Her goal is to break down sexual stigma and help people design mindful, vibrant relationships. Listen to this episode to get started today!
Follow Jamila on Twitter & Instagram.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Interdisciplinary sex therapist, Jamila M. Dawson, joins Jess and Brandon in to discuss how sexual pleasure can be part of healing from trauma, the elements of happy relationships, how to be emotionally present,Interdisciplinary sex therapist, Jamila M. Dawson, joins Jess and Brandon in to discuss how sexual pleasure can be part of healing from trauma, the elements of happy relationships, how to be emotionally present, strategies for responding to anxiety and rejection, power dynamics in therapy and much more.<br />
<br />
Jamila sees suffering not as a failure of your body or your mind but as responses to a culture that has damaging and unhealthy views on sex, religion, relationships, bodies, race, and gender. Her work is strongly rooted in somatic practices, self-discovery, social justice, and helping clients navigate not just their own relationships, but the cultures in which they live. Her success with clients is shaped by her pleasure-based, trauma informed framework and her concept of the 5 C’s (Curiosity, Creativity, Collaboration, Courage, Compassion).<br />
<br />
Her goal is to break down sexual stigma and help people design mindful, vibrant relationships. Listen to this episode to get started today!<br />
<br />
Follow Jamila on Twitter & Instagram.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean32:31Porn as Activism, Fetishes & Parenthood As a Porn Starhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/10/king-noire-podcast/
Fri, 11 Oct 2019 13:00:32 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10309Porn performer and Master Fetish Trainer, King Noire, joins Jess and Brandon to share his story as a community activist, porn star, hip hop artist and father. He discusses fetishes, sexual oppression and repression, and his journey in the worlds kink, porn, music and parenthood. King started working in porn when he was 18 and then he took a break before returning to the field as a producer alongside his life partner, Jet Setting Jasmine; he shares insights as to how his role and expectations have changed over the years.
Follow King on Twitter, Instagram & Facebook.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Porn performer and Master Fetish Trainer, King Noire, joins Jess and Brandon to share his story as a community activist, porn star, hip hop artist and father. He discusses fetishes, sexual oppression and repression, and his journey in the worlds kink,Porn performer and Master Fetish Trainer, King Noire, joins Jess and Brandon to share his story as a community activist, porn star, hip hop artist and father. He discusses fetishes, sexual oppression and repression, and his journey in the worlds kink, porn, music and parenthood. King started working in porn when he was 18 and then he took a break before returning to the field as a producer alongside his life partner, Jet Setting Jasmine; he shares insights as to how his role and expectations have changed over the years.<br />
<br />
Follow King on Twitter, Instagram & Facebook.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean39:02Touchless Orgasmshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/10/nikki-morgan-podcast/
Fri, 04 Oct 2019 13:10:15 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10281Nikki Morgan shares insights to help you consider new ways to approach orgasm using your breath, movements, thoughts and more. She discusses ways to step outside your comfort zone and be more positive about your body.
Follow Nikki on Instagram & Twitter. Be sure to also follow The Touch Experience on Instagram, Twitter & Facebook.
Also check out Nikki's upcoming events below, and find more info out on her website.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Nikki Morgan shares insights to help you consider new ways to approach orgasm using your breath, movements, thoughts and more. She discusses ways to step outside your comfort zone and be more positive about your body. - Nikki Morgan shares insights to help you consider new ways to approach orgasm using your breath, movements, thoughts and more. She discusses ways to step outside your comfort zone and be more positive about your body.<br />
<br />
Follow Nikki on Instagram & Twitter. Be sure to also follow The Touch Experience on Instagram, Twitter & Facebook.<br />
<br />
Also check out Nikki's upcoming events below, and find more info out on her website.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean27:39PechaKucha: Kink & BDSM with Honestly Naehttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/09/honestly-nae-podcast/
Fri, 27 Sep 2019 13:00:28 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10251How do you practice safe, sane, consensual kink “in color”? What is fire-play? How do you navigate master-slave relationships? And how do you understand a submissive’s needs? Shanae Adams aka Honestly Nae, joins Jess and Brandon to share their insights as professional Dominatrix and kink educator.
Follow Shanae on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Youtube. Also check out their sex-positive collaborative in Denver, The Chrysalis House.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.
How do you practice safe, sane, consensual kink “in color”? What is fire-play? How do you navigate master-slave relationships? And how do you understand a submissive’s needs? Shanae Adams aka Honestly Nae, joins Jess and Brandon to share their insights...How do you practice safe, sane, consensual kink “in color”? What is fire-play? How do you navigate master-slave relationships? And how do you understand a submissive’s needs? Shanae Adams aka Honestly Nae, joins Jess and Brandon to share their insights as professional Dominatrix and kink educator.<br />
<br />
Follow Shanae on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Youtube. Also check out their sex-positive collaborative in Denver, The Chrysalis House.<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.<br />
Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean37:04Jet Setting Jasmine: Mother, Porn Performer, Director & Licensed Therapisthttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/09/jetsetting-jasmine-podcast/
Fri, 20 Sep 2019 13:10:19 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10219Jet Setting Jasmine is a licensed clinical therapist, co-owner of Royal Fetish Films (an adult film production company), and an adult entertainer. She combines her love of the arts, film and sex education to produce erotica that stimulates and engages the audience to push their sexual boundaries. Jasmine joins Jess and Brandon to share thoughtful insights on her life as a therapist, mother, performer and entrepreneur. She talks about directing porn (including a recent threesome scene starring her life partner, King Noire), the value and appeal of ethical porn, how porn performers balance their own pleasure with the need to perform for the camera, and strategies for staying in the moment when faced with distractions.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Jet Setting Jasmine is a licensed clinical therapist, co-owner of Royal Fetish Films (an adult film production company), and an adult entertainer. She combines her love of the arts, film and sex education to produce erotica that stimulates and engages ...Jet Setting Jasmine is a licensed clinical therapist, co-owner of Royal Fetish Films (an adult film production company), and an adult entertainer. She combines her love of the arts, film and sex education to produce erotica that stimulates and engages the audience to push their sexual boundaries. Jasmine joins Jess and Brandon to share thoughtful insights on her life as a therapist, mother, performer and entrepreneur. She talks about directing porn (including a recent threesome scene starring her life partner, King Noire), the value and appeal of ethical porn, how porn performers balance their own pleasure with the need to perform for the camera, and strategies for staying in the moment when faced with distractions.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean34:31How to Deal With Insecurities, Neediness and Apologieshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/09/shamyra-howard-podcast/
Fri, 13 Sep 2019 13:00:06 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10179Sex therapist Shamyra Howard joins Jess to talk about how to have happier relationships — with yourself, family, friends and partner(s). She talks about how to apologize effectively and why your partner doesn’t want you to be sorry — they want you to be better. Shamyra also offers strategies to:
Manage jealousy and overcome insecurities
Validate your partner and differentiate between validation and affirmation
Understand differences as opposed to simply accepting them
Check out Shamyra's Sexuality Superhero feature here.
See some more of Shamyra's pearls of wisdom below...
View this post on Instagram
You know what's sexy? Vulnerability is a word we use often but what does it mean for relationships and why does it matter? Relationships are all about feeling safe enough to take emotional risks knowing that this person has the ability to hurt you, but relying on your own ability to trust yourself to show up. This happens best with an emotionally responsive partner. When you respond to your partner's emotional vulnerability with emotional security that creates connection. That's Intimacy. That's Sexy. #mondaynightraw
A post shared by Shamyra (@sexologistshamyra) on Sep 9, 2019 at 7:32pm PDT
View this post on Instagram
Stop faking orgasms! #mondaynightraw Faking orgasms contribute to the orgasm gap that we are working to end. Taking ownership of your sexual pleasure is sexy! Let's do it!
A post shared by Shamyra (@sexologistshamyra) on Sep 2, 2019 at 7:13pm PDT
View this post on Instagram
Potential is great, but. That's it!! Most people have potential, but what they do with it counts most! Monday Night Raw
A post shared by Shamyra (@sexologistshamyra) on Aug 26, 2019 at 7:49pm PDT
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Sex therapist Shamyra Howard joins Jess to talk about how to have happier relationships — with yourself, family, friends and partner(s). She talks about how to apologize effectively and why your partner doesn’t want you to be sorry — they want you to b...Sex therapist Shamyra Howard joins Jess to talk about how to have happier relationships — with yourself, family, friends and partner(s). She talks about how to apologize effectively and why your partner doesn’t want you to be sorry — they want you to be better. Shamyra also offers strategies to:<br />
<br />
Manage jealousy and overcome insecurities<br />
Validate your partner and differentiate between validation and affirmation<br />
Understand differences as opposed to simply accepting them<br />
<br />
Check out Shamyra's Sexuality Superhero feature here.<br />
<br />
See some more of Shamyra's pearls of wisdom below...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
View this post on Instagram<br />
<br />
You know what's sexy? Vulnerability is a word we use often but what does it mean for relationships and why does it matter? Relationships are all about feeling safe enough to take emotional risks knowing that this person has the ability to hurt you, but relying on your own ability to trust yourself to show up. This happens best with an emotionally responsive partner. When you respond to your partner's emotional vulnerability with emotional security that creates connection. That's Intimacy. That's Sexy. #mondaynightraw<br />
A post shared by Shamyra (@sexologistshamyra) on Sep 9, 2019 at 7:32pm PDT<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
View this post on Instagram<br />
<br />
Stop faking orgasms! #mondaynightraw Faking orgasms contribute to the orgasm gap that we are working to end. Taking ownership of your sexual pleasure is sexy! Let's do it!<br />
A post shared by Shamyra (@sexologistshamyra) on Sep 2, 2019 at 7:13pm PDT<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
View this post on Instagram<br />
<br />
Potential is great, but. That's it!! Most people have potential, but what they do with it counts most! Monday Night Raw<br />
A post shared by Shamyra (@sexologistshamyra) on Aug 26, 2019 at 7:49pm PDT<br />
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean37:42How to Have Happier Relationships: JODO, Boundaries, & 5 Questions to Keep You On Trackhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/09/adam-maurer-podcast/
Fri, 06 Sep 2019 13:00:36 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10152Austin-based sex therapist, Adam Maurer, joins Jess to share straightforward insights for happier relationships. They discuss JODO, setting boundaries, managing let-down, dealing with personality differences (e.g. introverts versus extroverts) and a simple weekly ritual to improve communication, understanding and intimacy.
Follow Adam on Instagram, and check out moontowercounseling.com. Adam will also be in the Bedpost Confessions from October 23-25. Check it out!
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Austin-based sex therapist, Adam Maurer, joins Jess to share straightforward insights for happier relationships. They discuss JODO, setting boundaries, managing let-down, dealing with personality differences (e.g.Austin-based sex therapist, Adam Maurer, joins Jess to share straightforward insights for happier relationships. They discuss JODO, setting boundaries, managing let-down, dealing with personality differences (e.g. introverts versus extroverts) and a simple weekly ritual to improve communication, understanding and intimacy.<br />
<br />
Follow Adam on Instagram, and check out moontowercounseling.com. Adam will also be in the Bedpost Confessions from October 23-25. Check it out!<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean35:10Overcome Sexual Fear, Open Up and Share Deeper Intimacyhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/08/overcome-sexual-fear-open-up-and-share-deeper-intimacy/
Fri, 30 Aug 2019 13:00:57 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10125Jess discusses emotional vulnerability, sexual shame, strategies for discussing sexual needs, why some people cheat and the Madonna/whore dichotomy with Toronto-based sex therapist, Kat Kova. Kat also helps Jess to open up about her greatest sexual fear.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Jess discusses emotional vulnerability, sexual shame, strategies for discussing sexual needs, why some people cheat and the Madonna/whore dichotomy with Toronto-based sex therapist, Kat Kova. Kat also helps Jess to open up about her greatest sexual fea...Jess discusses emotional vulnerability, sexual shame, strategies for discussing sexual needs, why some people cheat and the Madonna/whore dichotomy with Toronto-based sex therapist, Kat Kova. Kat also helps Jess to open up about her greatest sexual fear.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean36:48Technoference & Cheatinghttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/08/technoference-cheating/
Fri, 23 Aug 2019 13:00:36 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10080How can you reduce the negative effects of technology on your relationship? And how can you move on and rebuild after you’ve cheated on your partner? Jess and Brandon share their thoughts in response to listener questions.
Oftentimes when we ask something of our partner, we need to begin with ourselves. Before you try to convince your partner to put down their phone, ask yourself if you need to do the same. Even if you allow it to interfere to a lesser degree, every time you’re on yours, they're likely to pick up their own.
And when it comes to cheating: you can move on and have a happy relationship after an affair. Begin by taking responsibility, getting help, tracking your progress, and making space for negative feelings and interactions.
Please see some rough notes below...
How do I get my wife to put down her phone?
Great question! Oftentimes when we ask something of our partner, we need to begin with ourselves. I was working with a group of couples the other day and one group was complaining that their partners were always on their phones checking emails and working. They were really chastising them and the message was, “oh we’d have more sex if you didn’t work so much and you’d put down your phones”. This was directed specifically at entrepreneurs, because this was an entrepreneur group who brought their partners to my session. But then the entrepreneur group turned around and reminded their partners that they too are almost always on their phones — they’re scrolling through feeds, updating social media, reading articles — they may not be working in the paid sense, but they’re still allowing technoference to interfere in their connection.
So before you try to convince your wife to put down her phone, ask yourself if you need to do the same. Even if you allow it to interfere to a lesser degree, every time you’re on yours, she is likely to pick up her own.
Technoference is becoming the norm in relationship. Research shows that the mere presence of a phone detracts from concentration, presence, connection and trust. In one study, they compared interactions in three scenarios: phone on the table, phone in your pocket and phone outside of the room. The third scenario was associated with the highest levels of trust, empathy and intimacy.
And it’s not just about distraction. Blue light can interfere with sleep, which adversely affects relationships. The light emitted by phones, laptops and and tablet devices (even when set to silent mode) is “short-wavelength-enriched”, which means that it contains high levels of blue light which interferes with the sleep-supporter hormone, melatonin. When we don’t get a good night’s sleep, we’re more likely to engage in conflict with our partner, less adept at resolving these conflicts, more likely to made poor food choices and less inclined toward sex.
Minimizing technoference can be easier and more successful if you choose specific strategies and roll them out one at a time as opposed to trying to overhaul your entire lifestyle or trying to change everything at once.
I’m going to share some of the strategies that work for my clients, but you don’t have to do them all. I suggest you try one at a time.
1. Have a phone-free dinner. In the past, we didn’t have to go out of our way to take a tech-break, but leaving the phones at home (or in the car if you’re dining at home) is a simple way to ensure that you’re present and connected to your partner — instead of being connected to your 300 "best friends".
2. Go for a walk, bike ride or drive without using your map app. Technology is grand and can help you to see more relevant places in a shorter period of time, but it can also detract from discovery and the excitement of the unknown. Once in awhile, whether you’re on vacation exploring a new city or simply wandering the streets of your own neighbourhood, opt to leave the map at home (or just keep the app closed) so you can discover new streets, cafes,How can you reduce the negative effects of technology on your relationship? And how can you move on and rebuild after you’ve cheated on your partner? Jess and Brandon share their thoughts in response to listener questions. - How can you reduce the negative effects of technology on your relationship? And how can you move on and rebuild after you’ve cheated on your partner? Jess and Brandon share their thoughts in response to listener questions.<br />
<br />
Oftentimes when we ask something of our partner, we need to begin with ourselves. Before you try to convince your partner to put down their phone, ask yourself if you need to do the same. Even if you allow it to interfere to a lesser degree, every time you’re on yours, they're likely to pick up their own.<br />
<br />
And when it comes to cheating: you can move on and have a happy relationship after an affair. Begin by taking responsibility, getting help, tracking your progress, and making space for negative feelings and interactions.<br />
<br />
Please see some rough notes below...<br />
<br />
How do I get my wife to put down her phone? <br />
<br />
Great question! Oftentimes when we ask something of our partner, we need to begin with ourselves. I was working with a group of couples the other day and one group was complaining that their partners were always on their phones checking emails and working. They were really chastising them and the message was, “oh we’d have more sex if you didn’t work so much and you’d put down your phones”. This was directed specifically at entrepreneurs, because this was an entrepreneur group who brought their partners to my session. But then the entrepreneur group turned around and reminded their partners that they too are almost always on their phones — they’re scrolling through feeds, updating social media, reading articles — they may not be working in the paid sense, but they’re still allowing technoference to interfere in their connection.<br />
<br />
So before you try to convince your wife to put down her phone, ask yourself if you need to do the same. Even if you allow it to interfere to a lesser degree, every time you’re on yours, she is likely to pick up her own.<br />
<br />
Technoference is becoming the norm in relationship. Research shows that the mere presence of a phone detracts from concentration, presence, connection and trust. In one study, they compared interactions in three scenarios: phone on the table, phone in your pocket and phone outside of the room. The third scenario was associated with the highest levels of trust, empathy and intimacy.<br />
<br />
And it’s not just about distraction. Blue light can interfere with sleep, which adversely affects relationships. The light emitted by phones, laptops and and tablet devices (even when set to silent mode) is “short-wavelength-enriched”, which means that it contains high levels of blue light which interferes with the sleep-supporter hormone, melatonin. When we don’t get a good night’s sleep, we’re more likely to engage in conflict with our partner, less adept at resolving these conflicts, more likely to made poor food choices and less inclined toward sex.<br />
<br />
Minimizing technoference can be easier and more successful if you choose specific strategies and roll them out one at a time as opposed to trying to overhaul your entire lifestyle or trying to change everything at once.<br />
<br />
I’m going to share some of the strategies that work for my clients, but you don’t have to do them all. I suggest you try one at a time.<br />
<br />
1. Have a phone-free dinner. In the past, we didn’t have to go out of our way to take a tech-break, but leaving the phones at home (or in the car if you’re dining at home) is a simple way to ensure that you’re present and connected to your partner — instead of being connected to your 300 "best friends".<br />
<br />
2. Go for a walk, bike ride or drive without using your map app. Technology is grand and can help you to see more relevant places in a shorter period of time, but it can also detract from discovery and the excitement of the unknown. Once in awhile, whether you’re on vacation exploring a new city or simply wandering...Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean38:54Sex & Intimacy After a Baby – Insights From A New Dadhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/08/sex-intimacy-after-a-baby-insights-from-a-new-dad/
Fri, 16 Aug 2019 13:00:01 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10040Our old friend Mikey Singer joins us to talk about how to prioritize intimacy and sex after you’ve had a baby. Parenthood changes the household dynamic, but it can be for the better.
To learn more about We-Vibe and its products, click here.
Get your tickets to MomFest now by clicking here. Jess is looking forward to seeing you all on September 10th!
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Our old friend Mikey Singer joins us to talk about how to prioritize intimacy and sex after you’ve had a baby. Parenthood changes the household dynamic, but it can be for the better. - To learn more about We-Vibe and its products, click here. - Our old friend Mikey Singer joins us to talk about how to prioritize intimacy and sex after you’ve had a baby. Parenthood changes the household dynamic, but it can be for the better.<br />
<br />
To learn more about We-Vibe and its products, click here.<br />
<br />
Get your tickets to MomFest now by clicking here. Jess is looking forward to seeing you all on September 10th!<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean35:59Overcome Sexual Repressionhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/08/overcome-sexual-repression/
Fri, 09 Aug 2019 13:00:06 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=10005How do know if you’re sexually repressed or if your partner is holding you back? What is sexual empowerment and how can you overcome repression to feel more empowered? Jess and Brandon discuss their experiences and share personal insights.
How do I know if I’m sexually repressed and if my partner is involved in making me feel this way? I hear about sexual empowerment and that’s how I want to be.
Sexual empowerment and sexual repression are not static states of being, but experiences that fluctuate over time.
You may feel repressed one day and empowered the next.
You may experience empowerment in one sexual scenario and struggle to overcome the repression with which you were raised. The experience of sexual repression (which is universal) does not mean that “repressed” is a part of your sexual identity, as sexuality is fluid.
You may feel empowered on your own, but you may be socially repressed because of your gender, sexual orientation, race, age, ability or body type. While empowerment and overcoming sexual repression may be admiral goals, it’s important to look at the ways in which systemic oppression wreak havoc on our sexual identities and sexual expression.
If, however, you feel that your own attitude or behaviours (or those of your partner) are resulting in feelings of sexual repression, you might consider whether or not...
1. Your partner (or society) shames you for your sexual desires or fantasies. This is a serious red flag and a sign that you may not be compatible. Compatibility can be cultivated, but if they judge you for your sexual desires, you may find difficulty finding common ground.
What to do: Talk to them about the judgment. Call it what it is. Ask them to explain the source of this judgment. How does it make them feel? Are they struggling to overcome a sexual issue and are they projecting their negative feelings on to you? If they’re willing to work on this, you can find a path to compatibility. If they continue to shame or judge you (without acknowledging their own hangups and baggage), you may want to consider whether they’re the right sexual partner for you.
2. You feel guilty about masturbating or enjoying sex. Masturbation is common, pleasurable and healthy for people of all genders. However, many of us are raised to believe that it’s a dirty little secret and overcoming these negative messages can be a challenge.
What to do: Examine the reasons why masturbation is shameful. Make a list with two columns: Why it’s bad and why it’s good. Consider the pros against the cons to approach sex and masturbation with a more rational (and less moral) lens.
3. You enjoy sex, but feel ashamed or embarrassed after engaging in sex that brings you pleasure.
What to do: Consider the messages you received about sex growing up. Look at them from an evidence-based perspective. Look for scientific reasons why you shouldn’t enjoy sex and why you should feel ashamed. And then look for reasons why you deserve to enjoy sex.
Here are a few:
Improved sexual functioning. Self-pleasure can help you to become more familiar with your own body and its unique sexual responses. You’ll likely become better at asking for what you want during partnered sex as a result of your self-pleasure sessions.
Boosted body confidence. Masturbation not only fosters a positive connection with your body, but it can boost self-esteem. When your body performs (through a sport, a dance or a session of pleasure), you experience an increase in confidence and tend to focus on its strong points as opposed to its “problems”.
Heightened sexual desire. Masturbation is elemental to increasing desire in many cases, as it helps us to learn about our own bodies and reactions. Self-pleasure also increases the likelihood of orgasm and is connected with higher self-esteem. Moreover, as your body relishes in the dopamine and endorphin release, you are more likely to crave more,How do know if you’re sexually repressed or if your partner is holding you back? What is sexual empowerment and how can you overcome repression to feel more empowered? Jess and Brandon discuss their experiences and share personal insights. - How do know if you’re sexually repressed or if your partner is holding you back? What is sexual empowerment and how can you overcome repression to feel more empowered? Jess and Brandon discuss their experiences and share personal insights.<br />
<br />
How do I know if I’m sexually repressed and if my partner is involved in making me feel this way? I hear about sexual empowerment and that’s how I want to be.<br />
<br />
Sexual empowerment and sexual repression are not static states of being, but experiences that fluctuate over time.<br />
<br />
You may feel repressed one day and empowered the next.<br />
<br />
You may experience empowerment in one sexual scenario and struggle to overcome the repression with which you were raised. The experience of sexual repression (which is universal) does not mean that “repressed” is a part of your sexual identity, as sexuality is fluid.<br />
<br />
You may feel empowered on your own, but you may be socially repressed because of your gender, sexual orientation, race, age, ability or body type. While empowerment and overcoming sexual repression may be admiral goals, it’s important to look at the ways in which systemic oppression wreak havoc on our sexual identities and sexual expression.<br />
<br />
If, however, you feel that your own attitude or behaviours (or those of your partner) are resulting in feelings of sexual repression, you might consider whether or not...<br />
<br />
1. Your partner (or society) shames you for your sexual desires or fantasies. This is a serious red flag and a sign that you may not be compatible. Compatibility can be cultivated, but if they judge you for your sexual desires, you may find difficulty finding common ground.<br />
<br />
What to do: Talk to them about the judgment. Call it what it is. Ask them to explain the source of this judgment. How does it make them feel? Are they struggling to overcome a sexual issue and are they projecting their negative feelings on to you? If they’re willing to work on this, you can find a path to compatibility. If they continue to shame or judge you (without acknowledging their own hangups and baggage), you may want to consider whether they’re the right sexual partner for you.<br />
<br />
2. You feel guilty about masturbating or enjoying sex. Masturbation is common, pleasurable and healthy for people of all genders. However, many of us are raised to believe that it’s a dirty little secret and overcoming these negative messages can be a challenge.<br />
<br />
What to do: Examine the reasons why masturbation is shameful. Make a list with two columns: Why it’s bad and why it’s good. Consider the pros against the cons to approach sex and masturbation with a more rational (and less moral) lens.<br />
<br />
3. You enjoy sex, but feel ashamed or embarrassed after engaging in sex that brings you pleasure.<br />
<br />
What to do: Consider the messages you received about sex growing up. Look at them from an evidence-based perspective. Look for scientific reasons why you shouldn’t enjoy sex and why you should feel ashamed. And then look for reasons why you deserve to enjoy sex.<br />
<br />
Here are a few:<br />
<br />
Improved sexual functioning. Self-pleasure can help you to become more familiar with your own body and its unique sexual responses. You’ll likely become better at asking for what you want during partnered sex as a result of your self-pleasure sessions.<br />
Boosted body confidence. Masturbation not only fosters a positive connection with your body, but it can boost self-esteem. When your body performs (through a sport, a dance or a session of pleasure), you experience an increase in confidence and tend to focus on its strong points as opposed to its “problems”.<br />
Heightened sexual desire. Masturbation is elemental to increasing desire in many cases, as it helps us to learn about our own bodies and reactions. Self-pleasure also increases the likelihood of orgasm and is c...Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean22:42Bringing Fantasy to Reality: Public Sexhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/08/bringing-fantasy-to-reality-public-sex/
Fri, 02 Aug 2019 13:00:03 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9986Jess & Brandon address a listener who wants to “convince” his wife to fulfill his fantasy. They discuss the appeal of public sex and how you can build upon your fantasies in a safe way and incorporate your partner.
Please see some summary notes from this podcast below:
I may be weird but I want to have sex in public. How can I convince my wife to fulfill this fantasy?
Public sex carries an element of risk, which can heighten excitement, desire, passion and intimacy — if you balance this risk to ensure personal safety. I often suggest that the formula for a lasting relationship involves cultivating so much love, safety, trust and respect that you can engage in non-sexual behaviours and/or explore fantasies that are a little risky. Having sex in public is one example of an activity that can heighten passion without huge risk as long as you consider your local laws.
Not everyone consents to watching or hearing you have sex, so be mindful and respectful of others’ boundaries. If you go shopping with your younger sibling or child, you don't want to hear a couple having sex in the next fitting room. If you go for a walk with your grandmother, you don’t expect to see a couple getting it on behind a tree. You can experiment with elements of public sex without exposing yourself to non-consenting parties. Consider the time, place, lighting and other logistics as you explore this fantasy. A public park or parking lot at 3am likely provides less privacy than it does at 2am.
But you don’t have to have sex in front of a crowd to benefit from the thrill of public sex. Consider the following strategies to enjoy the risk and reward without reaping negative consequences:
1. Have sex on your own property — on the balcony or in your yard (in the dark), for example. You’ll enjoy the thrill of being outdoors and the threat of being watched or caught, but you can control the degree of exposure and slip back inside at any point in time. Be sure to turn off the outdoor and indoor lights so that your neighbours won’t be able to see you in action.
Other semi-public options include the car, single-stall restrooms and fitting rooms.
2. Expand your definitions of sex. Don’t get hung up on P-V intercourse. Time and space won’t always allow for all types of sex, so get your quickie on using your hands, lips, tongue and even toys — consider a wearable toy like the new We-Vibe Moxie. Wear it while shopping and give your partner the reins of control (using the remote control or the WeConnect smartphone app).
3. You don’t have to “finish”. Obviously there is no universal finish line for sex, but oftentimes, we become focused on reaching orgasm as the ultimate goal. Instead of striving to climax in a public space, consider getting started in public with dirty talk, discreet touching, sexting, rubbing through clothing under the table and other activities before moving into a private space to follow up.
4. Go to a sex club or event where on-site sex is permitted. You can enjoy the thrill of exhibitionism without the risk of violating others’ consent.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Jess & Brandon address a listener who wants to “convince” his wife to fulfill his fantasy. They discuss the appeal of public sex and how you can build upon your fantasies in a safe way and incorporate your partner. - Jess & Brandon address a listener who wants to “convince” his wife to fulfill his fantasy. They discuss the appeal of public sex and how you can build upon your fantasies in a safe way and incorporate your partner.<br />
<br />
Please see some summary notes from this podcast below:<br />
<br />
I may be weird but I want to have sex in public. How can I convince my wife to fulfill this fantasy?<br />
<br />
Public sex carries an element of risk, which can heighten excitement, desire, passion and intimacy — if you balance this risk to ensure personal safety. I often suggest that the formula for a lasting relationship involves cultivating so much love, safety, trust and respect that you can engage in non-sexual behaviours and/or explore fantasies that are a little risky. Having sex in public is one example of an activity that can heighten passion without huge risk as long as you consider your local laws.<br />
<br />
Not everyone consents to watching or hearing you have sex, so be mindful and respectful of others’ boundaries. If you go shopping with your younger sibling or child, you don't want to hear a couple having sex in the next fitting room. If you go for a walk with your grandmother, you don’t expect to see a couple getting it on behind a tree. You can experiment with elements of public sex without exposing yourself to non-consenting parties. Consider the time, place, lighting and other logistics as you explore this fantasy. A public park or parking lot at 3am likely provides less privacy than it does at 2am.<br />
<br />
But you don’t have to have sex in front of a crowd to benefit from the thrill of public sex. Consider the following strategies to enjoy the risk and reward without reaping negative consequences:<br />
<br />
1. Have sex on your own property — on the balcony or in your yard (in the dark), for example. You’ll enjoy the thrill of being outdoors and the threat of being watched or caught, but you can control the degree of exposure and slip back inside at any point in time. Be sure to turn off the outdoor and indoor lights so that your neighbours won’t be able to see you in action.<br />
<br />
Other semi-public options include the car, single-stall restrooms and fitting rooms.<br />
<br />
2. Expand your definitions of sex. Don’t get hung up on P-V intercourse. Time and space won’t always allow for all types of sex, so get your quickie on using your hands, lips, tongue and even toys — consider a wearable toy like the new We-Vibe Moxie. Wear it while shopping and give your partner the reins of control (using the remote control or the WeConnect smartphone app).<br />
<br />
3. You don’t have to “finish”. Obviously there is no universal finish line for sex, but oftentimes, we become focused on reaching orgasm as the ultimate goal. Instead of striving to climax in a public space, consider getting started in public with dirty talk, discreet touching, sexting, rubbing through clothing under the table and other activities before moving into a private space to follow up.<br />
<br />
4. Go to a sex club or event where on-site sex is permitted. You can enjoy the thrill of exhibitionism without the risk of violating others’ consent.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean25:20Emotional Literacy & How to Handle Rejectionhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/07/emotional-literacy-how-to-handle-rejection/
Fri, 26 Jul 2019 14:02:33 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9957Karen B.K. Chan, joins Jess and Brandon on the podcast to discuss rejection. How can we manage rejection? And when we feel rejected, how can we embrace it? How do we develop resilience and emotional literacy and to navigate uncomfortable social situations. Listen now and learn more!
The following is a rough transcript of the introduction to this podcast:
When was the last time you felt rejected — in work, socially, or otherwise?
I feel rejected often because I talk to strangers so often. The other day I was walking down the street and I said good afternoon to a woman and she didn’t reply. The way I read the situation was that she looked up at me, mouth agape and then averted her gaze. I felt as though she was irritated with me and though that may have not been the case - she may have been shy or felt threatened or simply didn't know what to say, but I remember feeling irritated. But I was only irritated because I felt rejected.
I also feel rejected when I try to make conversation with people and they seem uninterested. When I play Ultimate, I often play with new players or new teams or new subs and some people really like to chat on the sidelines and others clearly aren’t interested. I always try to make conversation because I’m chatty and sometimes I get one word answers and I take it personally.
But of course, it’s not their responsibility to make sure I manage my own feelings of rejection. They may not want to talk because they’re into the game. They may not be in the mood. They may just not really like me. And I’m sensitive about this. Sometimes when I’m in certain spaces, I feel like I’m being rejected because of my race, because of my occupation, because of my appearance if I don’t fit in. But this is on me.
I grew up thinking people in Toronto were snobby and at some points in my life, I had a chip on my shoulder because of this. And I think it’s because I wasn’t being honest about how I felt. I wasn’t owning the feelings of rejection.
And feelings of rejection are tough. They’re psychological and physiological. Evolutionary theorists suggest that because we come from hunter-gatherers, we needed the community to survive. When we felt rejected by the group, we feared for our lives because we simply couldn’t survive on our own. It stems from a life or death situation and it’s a warning system for our own protection. Of course, we no longer live in the wild, so we no longer need to allow rejection to scare us. In fact, we’ll be better off if we embrace rejection.
MRI studies show that the same areas of the brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain and pain medications like Acetaminophen can reduce emotional pain.
But emotional pain can feel more intense than physical pain because we can recall it, and because when we face emotional pain like the pain of rejection, we tend to self-sabotage and be harder on ourselves. If you get a bruise, you don’t ruminate about it, but we tend to be self-critical when faced with emotional rejection.
I want to talk about rejection because I think we’re getting it all wrong. I think we fear it too intensely and it’s time to embrace it. We often talk about the power of vulnerability and how much it can improve self-esteem, relationships and fulfillment. And rejection is a part of this vulnerability. Rather than avoiding or dismissing rejection, I want us to embrace it and learn from it.
Joining us to discuss how to handle rejection is BK Chan. BK is sex and emotional literacy educator.
BK has an Emotional Intelligence online course you can access here.
The following is a rough transcript of the podcast conclusion:
Rejection is a life skill. There are so many pearls of wisdom to pull from BK’s insights and even though I’ve only met BK a few times, she is one of my favourite people I’ve ever had the privilege of speaking to and spending time with. If I have to pull one action item out of BK’s many insights,Karen B.K. Chan, joins Jess and Brandon on the podcast to discuss rejection. How can we manage rejection? And when we feel rejected, how can we embrace it? How do we develop resilience and emotional literacy and to navigate uncomfortable social situati...Karen B.K. Chan, joins Jess and Brandon on the podcast to discuss rejection. How can we manage rejection? And when we feel rejected, how can we embrace it? How do we develop resilience and emotional literacy and to navigate uncomfortable social situations. Listen now and learn more!<br />
The following is a rough transcript of the introduction to this podcast:<br />
When was the last time you felt rejected — in work, socially, or otherwise?<br />
I feel rejected often because I talk to strangers so often. The other day I was walking down the street and I said good afternoon to a woman and she didn’t reply. The way I read the situation was that she looked up at me, mouth agape and then averted her gaze. I felt as though she was irritated with me and though that may have not been the case - she may have been shy or felt threatened or simply didn't know what to say, but I remember feeling irritated. But I was only irritated because I felt rejected.<br />
I also feel rejected when I try to make conversation with people and they seem uninterested. When I play Ultimate, I often play with new players or new teams or new subs and some people really like to chat on the sidelines and others clearly aren’t interested. I always try to make conversation because I’m chatty and sometimes I get one word answers and I take it personally.<br />
But of course, it’s not their responsibility to make sure I manage my own feelings of rejection. They may not want to talk because they’re into the game. They may not be in the mood. They may just not really like me. And I’m sensitive about this. Sometimes when I’m in certain spaces, I feel like I’m being rejected because of my race, because of my occupation, because of my appearance if I don’t fit in. But this is on me.<br />
I grew up thinking people in Toronto were snobby and at some points in my life, I had a chip on my shoulder because of this. And I think it’s because I wasn’t being honest about how I felt. I wasn’t owning the feelings of rejection.<br />
And feelings of rejection are tough. They’re psychological and physiological. Evolutionary theorists suggest that because we come from hunter-gatherers, we needed the community to survive. When we felt rejected by the group, we feared for our lives because we simply couldn’t survive on our own. It stems from a life or death situation and it’s a warning system for our own protection. Of course, we no longer live in the wild, so we no longer need to allow rejection to scare us. In fact, we’ll be better off if we embrace rejection.<br />
MRI studies show that the same areas of the brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain and pain medications like Acetaminophen can reduce emotional pain.<br />
But emotional pain can feel more intense than physical pain because we can recall it, and because when we face emotional pain like the pain of rejection, we tend to self-sabotage and be harder on ourselves. If you get a bruise, you don’t ruminate about it, but we tend to be self-critical when faced with emotional rejection.<br />
I want to talk about rejection because I think we’re getting it all wrong. I think we fear it too intensely and it’s time to embrace it. We often talk about the power of vulnerability and how much it can improve self-esteem, relationships and fulfillment. And rejection is a part of this vulnerability. Rather than avoiding or dismissing rejection, I want us to embrace it and learn from it.<br />
Joining us to discuss how to handle rejection is BK Chan. BK is sex and emotional literacy educator.<br />
BK has an Emotional Intelligence online course you can access here.<br />
The following is a rough transcript of the podcast conclusion: <br />
Rejection is a life skill. There are so many pearls of wisdom to pull from BK’s insights and even though I’ve only met BK a few times, she is one of my favourite people I’ve ever had the privilege of speaking to and spending time with.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean1:03:00Sex & Pleasure After Sexual Assaulthttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/07/sex-pleasure-after-sexual-assault/
Fri, 19 Jul 2019 13:00:08 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9918Julie Peters, author of Want: 8 Steps to Recovering Desire, Passion, and Pleasure After Sexual Assault, shares her insights regarding recovery and the return to desire, sexuality, trust, and pleasure after assault. Her approach is grounded in gratitude, mindfulness and pleasure and is relevant to survivors of all genders as well as the general population.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Julie Peters, author of Want: 8 Steps to Recovering Desire, Passion, and Pleasure After Sexual Assault, shares her insights regarding recovery and the return to desire, sexuality, trust, and pleasure after assault.Julie Peters, author of Want: 8 Steps to Recovering Desire, Passion, and Pleasure After Sexual Assault, shares her insights regarding recovery and the return to desire, sexuality, trust, and pleasure after assault. Her approach is grounded in gratitude, mindfulness and pleasure and is relevant to survivors of all genders as well as the general population.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean43:47Dr. Donaghue on Toxic Monogamy, Body Neutrality & Erectile Disappointmenthttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/07/dr-donaghue-on-toxic-monogamy-body-neutrality-erectile-disappointment/
Fri, 12 Jul 2019 13:00:13 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9892Loveline's host, Dr. Chris Donaghue joins Jess and Brandon to share insights from his latest book, Rebel Love: Break The Rules, Destroy Toxic Habits and Have the Best Sex of Your Life. They discuss porn addiction, solo-sexuality, body image, toxic masculinity, the drawbacks of monogamy and the habits we need to break to tap into authentic sexuality.
Thank you to We-Vibe and Womanizer for bringing Dr. Donaghue to Toronto!Loveline's host, Dr. Chris Donaghue joins Jess and Brandon to share insights from his latest book, Rebel Love: Break The Rules, Destroy Toxic Habits and Have the Best Sex of Your Life. They discuss porn addiction, solo-sexuality, body image,Loveline's host, Dr. Chris Donaghue joins Jess and Brandon to share insights from his latest book, Rebel Love: Break The Rules, Destroy Toxic Habits and Have the Best Sex of Your Life. They discuss porn addiction, solo-sexuality, body image, toxic masculinity, the drawbacks of monogamy and the habits we need to break to tap into authentic sexuality.<br />
<br />
Thank you to We-Vibe and Womanizer for bringing Dr. Donaghue to Toronto!Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean40:58What We Fight About & 3 Ways We Resolve Argumentshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/07/what-we-fight-about-3-ways-we-resolve-arguments/
Fri, 05 Jul 2019 13:01:33 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9869In this episode, we talk about a fight we had the other day and our top three strategies for resolving conflict in our marriage. We also discuss Airpod sex, Canadian open relationships & millennial marriage with reference to two recent studies.
***Please find a rough version of this transcript below.***
Welcome!
We had a short fight about pretty much nothing last weekend and it reminded me that I had committed to talking about how we resolve arguments, so today we’ll be talking about our arguments and how we resolve them.
But first. A new study suggests that 20 percent of people with AirPods wear them during sex…
And a Canadian study is on my radar today too. Researchers from the University of British Columbia looked at data from a nationally representative survey of about 2,000 Canadian adults. They found that four per cent of those in relationships reported being in an open relationship, while 20 percent reported having been in an open relationship in the past. Meanwhile, more than one in ten (12 percent) reported that open relationships were their "ideal relationship type.” Does this surprise you?
And I also want to mention another study suggesting that millennials are giving up a big milestone in order to save for a home. They’re skipping marriage because of the cost of real estate. Rather than buying an engagement ring and spending tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding, they’re skipping the wedding and saving for a house.
But here’s the thing: a wedding doesn’t have to cost you tens of thousands of dollars. You can save for a house and get married if you want to if you stop making your wedding a financially burdensome affair.
If you think the institution of marriage is outdated, I hear you. And you don’t have to get married. But if you want to get married and you’re avoiding it because of the costs, just remember that a wedding doesn’t have to break the bank.
And as I said last week, please stop planning your weddings and start planning your marriages. If you think planning a wedding is stressful or you find it overwhelming, you’re probably going to find a lifetime of commitment, cohabitation, cultivating intimacy and possibly co-parenting even more overwhelming, so forget the menu and the flowers and the napkins and the seating arrangements and redirect that energy into talking to your partner about how you plan to spend money for the rest of your life, how you plan to integrate your families in your lives, how you plan to have kids if that’s in the plans and how you plan to have sex potentially with only one person until death do you part.
Now back to the matter at hand or the one I’m avoiding — our fights and arguments. Over the weekend, we were in Montreal and we got into a tiff on Saturday afternoon over pretty much nothing. If I tell the story it’s going to sound ridiculous. So I’m going to try to tell it.
1. We admit when crankiness is to blame. Sometimes arguments are about nothing. They’re not indicative of an underlying issue. They’re not intended to move the relationship forward and improve understanding.
They’re simply a result of a mad mood or a lack of patience. And it can be hard when you know you’re the one at fault to step back and say mea culpa. It can feel overwhelming to take responsibility when you’re physiologically flooded and you’ve been diving in for the past ten minutes about some ridiculous issue. In fact, it can feel ridiculous to backpedal after you’ve been trying to prove a point or show just how right you are and admit that everything you said makes no sense at all and you’re sorry.
This only works if your partner isn’t in it to win it. If you have a partner you is focused on winning an argument or being right, you’re not going to want to stop and say, “Yeah...I’m sorry. I’m being unreasonable. Forgive me.”
You need a partner who’s willing to look past your temporarily irrational behaviour and see the big picture and say “I get it.”
In this episode, we talk about a fight we had the other day and our top three strategies for resolving conflict in our marriage. We also discuss Airpod sex, Canadian open relationships & millennial marriage with reference to two recent studies. - In this episode, we talk about a fight we had the other day and our top three strategies for resolving conflict in our marriage. We also discuss Airpod sex, Canadian open relationships & millennial marriage with reference to two recent studies.<br />
<br />
***Please find a rough version of this transcript below.***<br />
Welcome!<br />
We had a short fight about pretty much nothing last weekend and it reminded me that I had committed to talking about how we resolve arguments, so today we’ll be talking about our arguments and how we resolve them.<br />
But first. A new study suggests that 20 percent of people with AirPods wear them during sex…<br />
And a Canadian study is on my radar today too. Researchers from the University of British Columbia looked at data from a nationally representative survey of about 2,000 Canadian adults. They found that four per cent of those in relationships reported being in an open relationship, while 20 percent reported having been in an open relationship in the past. Meanwhile, more than one in ten (12 percent) reported that open relationships were their "ideal relationship type.” Does this surprise you?<br />
And I also want to mention another study suggesting that millennials are giving up a big milestone in order to save for a home. They’re skipping marriage because of the cost of real estate. Rather than buying an engagement ring and spending tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding, they’re skipping the wedding and saving for a house.<br />
But here’s the thing: a wedding doesn’t have to cost you tens of thousands of dollars. You can save for a house and get married if you want to if you stop making your wedding a financially burdensome affair.<br />
If you think the institution of marriage is outdated, I hear you. And you don’t have to get married. But if you want to get married and you’re avoiding it because of the costs, just remember that a wedding doesn’t have to break the bank.<br />
And as I said last week, please stop planning your weddings and start planning your marriages. If you think planning a wedding is stressful or you find it overwhelming, you’re probably going to find a lifetime of commitment, cohabitation, cultivating intimacy and possibly co-parenting even more overwhelming, so forget the menu and the flowers and the napkins and the seating arrangements and redirect that energy into talking to your partner about how you plan to spend money for the rest of your life, how you plan to integrate your families in your lives, how you plan to have kids if that’s in the plans and how you plan to have sex potentially with only one person until death do you part.<br />
Now back to the matter at hand or the one I’m avoiding — our fights and arguments. Over the weekend, we were in Montreal and we got into a tiff on Saturday afternoon over pretty much nothing. If I tell the story it’s going to sound ridiculous. So I’m going to try to tell it.<br />
1. We admit when crankiness is to blame. Sometimes arguments are about nothing. They’re not indicative of an underlying issue. They’re not intended to move the relationship forward and improve understanding.<br />
They’re simply a result of a mad mood or a lack of patience. And it can be hard when you know you’re the one at fault to step back and say mea culpa. It can feel overwhelming to take responsibility when you’re physiologically flooded and you’ve been diving in for the past ten minutes about some ridiculous issue. In fact, it can feel ridiculous to backpedal after you’ve been trying to prove a point or show just how right you are and admit that everything you said makes no sense at all and you’re sorry.<br />
This only works if your partner isn’t in it to win it. If you have a partner you is focused on winning an argument or being right, you’re not going to want to stop and say, “Yeah...I’m sorry. I’m being unreasonable. Forgive me.”<br />
You need a partner who’s willing to look past your temporarily irrational ...Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean40:24How to Prepare For Marriage, Get Over an Ex and Repair a “Broken Relationship”https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/06/how-to-prepare-for-marriage-get-over-an-ex-and-repair-a-broken-relationship/
Fri, 28 Jun 2019 13:00:05 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9840Jess and Brandon weigh in on listener questions related to breakups, rough patches, managing jealousy in the age of social media and wedding planning anxieties.
**Please find a rough transcript below for this episode.**
How do I not get jealous when it seems like everyone else is so happy - especially on social media?
First - know that your comparisons aren’t realistic.
Comparing your real-life relationship to the highlight reels that other couples post on social media will inevitably produce an unsatisfactory result. Photos, videos and other edited posts offer a momentary snapshot that is incomplete, condensed and/or scripted and your life is far more complex than one post can illustrate.
I don’t post about the fact that I ate a chocolate bar that I took from the plane for breakfast this morning, or that my tummy is hurting. I don’t post about the fact that the sex we had the other night was really weird and sort of uncomfortable. I don’t post about being constipated or the fact that I had a terrible night last night and came home pissy over traffic and my team losing in a sort of frustrating game of Ultimate.
So first and foremost, know that you’re comparing your regular life to less than 1% of someone else’s life.
Next, know that jealous is normal. Admit to it. Identify if there is something they have that you want. And then identify what you can do about it.
Some jealousy can help you to feel inspired, so when it comes to what you see on social media, calculated comparisons can be useful. As long as you realize that social media offers only one depiction of a multi-faceted relationship, it can be useful to learn from other couples. For example, perhaps you follow a couple who prioritizes health and fitness and at times it motivates you to to the same. Or perhaps you follow a couple who travels and you use their itineraries as inspiration for your next trip. Experiences of normative jealousy can be helpful if they help you to recognize what you want and how you can change your thoughts and behaviour to deepen fulfilment. If, however, feeling jealousy leads to distressful thoughts (e.g. feeling badly about yourself), they can be damaging.
Once you’ve acknowledged the emotion, you can examine why you’re feeling it and what you might do about it. What shifts can you make — behaviourally and cognitively — to learn from this feeling.
How can you use jealous feelings to look at what you feel you’re missing and make changes OR accept your circumstances in the case of things you can’t change. For example, if you feel jealous of another person’s financial success and you acknowledge this feeling, you may be able to take steps to improve your own confidence or make adjustments to your own finances.
You’ll also want to look at ways to build confidence overall. If you admire or covet something somebody else has, what can you do to achieve/embody this in your own life? You can’t have everything they have, but you can make changes to the way you think and the way you behave right now.
And finally, consider the evidence that supports your jealousy. Should you really feel jealous or is it an irrational emotional response? If a friend came to you with the same problem and feelings, what would you say?
I should note that envy often refers to negative emotions directed at another/others (e.g. resentment, malevolence) whereas jealousy often refers to longing for something that someone else has. If you’re feeling envious, you’ll want to really work to address the underlying jealousy because it’s exhausting to live your life directing anger and malevolence at other people.
My husband and I are going through a rough patch and it feels like we’ve been fighting for years. We barely even touch anymore. We had a heart to heart last week and agreed to spend the full weekend together next week when he comes back into town. He works over 500 miles away. We want to take this time to reconnect - it’s actually our 10-year anniversary — ...Jess and Brandon weigh in on listener questions related to breakups, rough patches, managing jealousy in the age of social media and wedding planning anxieties. - **Please find a rough transcript below for this episode.** Jess and Brandon weigh in on listener questions related to breakups, rough patches, managing jealousy in the age of social media and wedding planning anxieties.<br />
<br />
**Please find a rough transcript below for this episode.**<br />
How do I not get jealous when it seems like everyone else is so happy - especially on social media? <br />
First - know that your comparisons aren’t realistic.<br />
Comparing your real-life relationship to the highlight reels that other couples post on social media will inevitably produce an unsatisfactory result. Photos, videos and other edited posts offer a momentary snapshot that is incomplete, condensed and/or scripted and your life is far more complex than one post can illustrate.<br />
I don’t post about the fact that I ate a chocolate bar that I took from the plane for breakfast this morning, or that my tummy is hurting. I don’t post about the fact that the sex we had the other night was really weird and sort of uncomfortable. I don’t post about being constipated or the fact that I had a terrible night last night and came home pissy over traffic and my team losing in a sort of frustrating game of Ultimate.<br />
So first and foremost, know that you’re comparing your regular life to less than 1% of someone else’s life.<br />
Next, know that jealous is normal. Admit to it. Identify if there is something they have that you want. And then identify what you can do about it.<br />
Some jealousy can help you to feel inspired, so when it comes to what you see on social media, calculated comparisons can be useful. As long as you realize that social media offers only one depiction of a multi-faceted relationship, it can be useful to learn from other couples. For example, perhaps you follow a couple who prioritizes health and fitness and at times it motivates you to to the same. Or perhaps you follow a couple who travels and you use their itineraries as inspiration for your next trip. Experiences of normative jealousy can be helpful if they help you to recognize what you want and how you can change your thoughts and behaviour to deepen fulfilment. If, however, feeling jealousy leads to distressful thoughts (e.g. feeling badly about yourself), they can be damaging.<br />
Once you’ve acknowledged the emotion, you can examine why you’re feeling it and what you might do about it. What shifts can you make — behaviourally and cognitively — to learn from this feeling.<br />
How can you use jealous feelings to look at what you feel you’re missing and make changes OR accept your circumstances in the case of things you can’t change. For example, if you feel jealous of another person’s financial success and you acknowledge this feeling, you may be able to take steps to improve your own confidence or make adjustments to your own finances.<br />
You’ll also want to look at ways to build confidence overall. If you admire or covet something somebody else has, what can you do to achieve/embody this in your own life? You can’t have everything they have, but you can make changes to the way you think and the way you behave right now.<br />
And finally, consider the evidence that supports your jealousy. Should you really feel jealous or is it an irrational emotional response? If a friend came to you with the same problem and feelings, what would you say?<br />
I should note that envy often refers to negative emotions directed at another/others (e.g. resentment, malevolence) whereas jealousy often refers to longing for something that someone else has. If you’re feeling envious, you’ll want to really work to address the underlying jealousy because it’s exhausting to live your life directing anger and malevolence at other people.<br />
My husband and I are going through a rough patch and it feels like we’ve been fighting for years. We barely even touch anymore. We had a heart to heart last week and agreed to spend the full weekend together next week when he comes back into town.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean40:35Dating, Confidence, & Sex Appeal – A Burlesque Dancer’s Perspectivehttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/06/dating-confidence-sex-appeal-a-burlesque-dancers-perspective/
Fri, 21 Jun 2019 13:00:41 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9802Burlesque sensation, Pastel Supernova, joins Jess and Brandon to talk about her experiences with dating, love and relationships. She shares insights on building self confidence, loving your body, and overcoming nervousness and performance pressure.
Find out more about Burlesque Uni and Love Letters Cabaret here.
If you want to know more about Moontower Counseling, click here.
See Pastel in action below on Global TV's The Morning Show below!
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Burlesque sensation, Pastel Supernova, joins Jess and Brandon to talk about her experiences with dating, love and relationships. She shares insights on building self confidence, loving your body, and overcoming nervousness and performance pressure. Burlesque sensation, Pastel Supernova, joins Jess and Brandon to talk about her experiences with dating, love and relationships. She shares insights on building self confidence, loving your body, and overcoming nervousness and performance pressure.<br />
<br />
Find out more about Burlesque Uni and Love Letters Cabaret here.<br />
<br />
If you want to know more about Moontower Counseling, click here.<br />
<br />
See Pastel in action below on Global TV's The Morning Show below!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean38:07Foot Fetishes, Sex Smells, Dating Profiles & Creating Relationship “Distance”https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/06/foot-fetishes-sex-smells-dating-profiles-creating-relationship-distance-2/
Tue, 18 Jun 2019 18:36:38 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9797Why do we develop fetishes and how can you talk to your partner about a fetish? How can you discuss spending time apart with a new partner after you’ve moved in together? Jess and Brandon discuss these topics and share their thoughts on sex smells, gift-giving and more. They’re also joined by Samantha Eitel who has an alternative take on dating profiles and “the best gift ever”.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Why do we develop fetishes and how can you talk to your partner about a fetish? How can you discuss spending time apart with a new partner after you’ve moved in together? Jess and Brandon discuss these topics and share their thoughts on sex smells,Why do we develop fetishes and how can you talk to your partner about a fetish? How can you discuss spending time apart with a new partner after you’ve moved in together? Jess and Brandon discuss these topics and share their thoughts on sex smells, gift-giving and more. They’re also joined by Samantha Eitel who has an alternative take on dating profiles and “the best gift ever”.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean40:43Emotional (Un)availability: How to Get Your Partner to Open Uphttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/06/emotional-unavailability-how-to-get-your-partner-to-open-up/
Fri, 07 Jun 2019 13:00:24 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9748Jess and Brandon discuss what emotional unavailability might look like and they challenge the “fix-it” mentality. They share specific strategies for overcoming emotional unavailability including language and approaches to support your partner. They discuss the five languages of love, simple questions to make daily interactions more emotionally open, and emotional compatibility.
**Please find a rough transcript of this podcast below**
Welcome to the Sex With Dr. Jess Podcast brought to you by Desire Resorts and Cruises. I’m Brandon Ware.
And I’m Jess O’Reilly, your friendly neighborhood sexologist. Today we’re going to talk about emotional unavailability, because a number of folks have been referencing this topic on Instagram and I posted about it last week.
Emotional Unavailability isn’t a formal diagnosis, so it’s one of those terms that tends to be tossed around rather flippantly without a universal definition. Some of us are emotionally unavailable by choice and others don’t even realize that we're putting up a wall. Emotional availability often refers to the ability to talk openly about your feelings and this is a skill as opposed to a state of being. This means that emotional availability can be cultivated with effort and need not be a universal relationship deal breaker.
Some signs of being currently emotional unavailable include:
They avoid intimate conversations or withdraw when you bring up difficult topics. This is a good example of the fact that emotional unavailability is not a matter of character, but of skill, experience and comfort level. We’ve all avoided intimate and difficult conversations at some point in time, so you can understand why your partner might utilize avoidance behaviours. They may be trying to avoid conflict or tension. They might be distracted or stressed out by other issues in their life and simply don’t have the emotional bandwidth to open up at this time. Or they might simply not have the communication tools/skills to speak openly about intense topics. The good news, of course, is that circumstances change (you can help to put them at ease) and with practice, they can develop the skills to communicate more effectively. It’s important to note that just because you believe you’re more emotionally available, does not in fact make it so. Your perception of your own skills in biased and you can’t expect them to communicate in the same way you do; they may have a different communication style and you’ll be better off finding middle ground as opposed to expecting them to get on board with your expectations.
They refuse to express vulnerability. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable requires trust, so emotional availability can increase over time as you get to know and trust one another. If you feel your partner is not opening up, I’d avoid labels like emotionally unavailable and the associated accusations altogether. You’ll find that you’re more likely to get a positive response and a willingness to consider behavioural change if you talk about how you feel as opposed to what your partner is doing wrong.
For example, you might be frustrated by the fact that your partner won’t talk about sensitive and personal topics. Related to this frustration, however, may be a sense of insecurity, as you might expect someone who loves you to trust you with their most vulnerable feelings. Talk about this insecurity and what behaviours (e.g. opening up more about the past) might hep to assuage your fears as opposed to accusing your partner of being emotionally unavailable. Opening up about your own emotions including your vulnerabilities (e.g. insecurity) may foster a safe environment that encourages your partner to do the same.
They cut people off without working on relationships. Not all relationships (including friendships) are intended to last forever, but if they cut people off often (e.g. parents, siblings, friends, exes, co-workers), it’s easy to identify the common denominator.Jess and Brandon discuss what emotional unavailability might look like and they challenge the “fix-it” mentality. They share specific strategies for overcoming emotional unavailability including language and approaches to support your partner.Jess and Brandon discuss what emotional unavailability might look like and they challenge the “fix-it” mentality. They share specific strategies for overcoming emotional unavailability including language and approaches to support your partner. They discuss the five languages of love, simple questions to make daily interactions more emotionally open, and emotional compatibility.<br />
<br />
**Please find a rough transcript of this podcast below**<br />
<br />
Welcome to the Sex With Dr. Jess Podcast brought to you by Desire Resorts and Cruises. I’m Brandon Ware.<br />
<br />
And I’m Jess O’Reilly, your friendly neighborhood sexologist. Today we’re going to talk about emotional unavailability, because a number of folks have been referencing this topic on Instagram and I posted about it last week.<br />
<br />
Emotional Unavailability isn’t a formal diagnosis, so it’s one of those terms that tends to be tossed around rather flippantly without a universal definition. Some of us are emotionally unavailable by choice and others don’t even realize that we're putting up a wall. Emotional availability often refers to the ability to talk openly about your feelings and this is a skill as opposed to a state of being. This means that emotional availability can be cultivated with effort and need not be a universal relationship deal breaker.<br />
<br />
Some signs of being currently emotional unavailable include:<br />
<br />
They avoid intimate conversations or withdraw when you bring up difficult topics. This is a good example of the fact that emotional unavailability is not a matter of character, but of skill, experience and comfort level. We’ve all avoided intimate and difficult conversations at some point in time, so you can understand why your partner might utilize avoidance behaviours. They may be trying to avoid conflict or tension. They might be distracted or stressed out by other issues in their life and simply don’t have the emotional bandwidth to open up at this time. Or they might simply not have the communication tools/skills to speak openly about intense topics. The good news, of course, is that circumstances change (you can help to put them at ease) and with practice, they can develop the skills to communicate more effectively. It’s important to note that just because you believe you’re more emotionally available, does not in fact make it so. Your perception of your own skills in biased and you can’t expect them to communicate in the same way you do; they may have a different communication style and you’ll be better off finding middle ground as opposed to expecting them to get on board with your expectations.<br />
<br />
They refuse to express vulnerability. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable requires trust, so emotional availability can increase over time as you get to know and trust one another. If you feel your partner is not opening up, I’d avoid labels like emotionally unavailable and the associated accusations altogether. You’ll find that you’re more likely to get a positive response and a willingness to consider behavioural change if you talk about how you feel as opposed to what your partner is doing wrong.<br />
<br />
For example, you might be frustrated by the fact that your partner won’t talk about sensitive and personal topics. Related to this frustration, however, may be a sense of insecurity, as you might expect someone who loves you to trust you with their most vulnerable feelings. Talk about this insecurity and what behaviours (e.g. opening up more about the past) might hep to assuage your fears as opposed to accusing your partner of being emotionally unavailable. Opening up about your own emotions including your vulnerabilities (e.g. insecurity) may foster a safe environment that encourages your partner to do the same.<br />
<br />
They cut people off without working on relationships. Not all relationships (including friendships) are intended to last forever,Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean49:05Help! I Can’t Orgasm With My Partnerhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/05/help-i-cant-orgasm-with-my-partner/
Fri, 31 May 2019 14:00:01 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9721Jess and Brandon respond to a listener who can orgasm on her own, but not with her partner. They share tips, insights, personal stories as well as practical mindfulness strategies you can try tonight.
Please find a rough transcript of this podcast below...
Welcome to the Sex With Dr. Jess Podcast.
We’re going to talk about orgasms today. We have a question from a listener.
“I have been having trouble orgasming with a partner, but by myself, it’s extremely easy. I have tried to add sex toys when I’m with my partner (which is the usual way I orgasm on my own), but that didn’t even work. He feels insecure since he can’t make me orgasm and I’m embarrassed.”
First - you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Your orgasm is for you. It’s not about your partner — unless you’re playing with that fantasy specifically — often in a kinky way. You might allow your partner to take control of your orgasm.
One example might involve orgasm denial. It can be — with consent.
Orgasm denial is often practiced as BDSM and it involves maintaining arousal without allow orgasm to follow. You might bring your partner to the brink and then pull back and stop altogether. And then you can continue to repeat. You might use your hands or body or you might use chastity belts or cock cages to prevent simulation of the genitals.
Some people create a whole scene or experience around orgasm denial and others simply play with it in passing. They might tease their partner that they’re going to pull back and not let them orgasm.
But back to the question.
Let’s begin with the basics. Your partner doesn’t really give you an orgasm. They might be a part of the process, but your body — with your brain at the helm — gives you an orgasm. They can physically and mentally be a part of the stimulation process, but ultimately, it’s your nerve endings that communicate with the brain and it’s your brain that fires in multiple regions. And then at orgasm, your brain's center of reason and behavior (the lateral orbitofrontal cortex just behind your left eye) actually shuts down momentarily allowing your animalistic needs to overpower any reservations or preoccupations.
When you can orgasm on your own, but not with a partner, oftentimes it’s because you do something physically different on your own. You use toys, you use your hands, you rub on the outside, you contort your body in a natural way, you breathe differently when you’re on your own and it facilitates orgasm easily. But then when you get with a partner, you change it up. You’re more focused on penetration, you move your body for their pleasure, you control your body at different angles, you hold your breath, you hold back or exaggerate your sounds and all of those physical activities simply don’t lead to orgasm.
If this is the case, you’ll want to bring your masturbation practices — the angles, the toys, the techniques into your partnered play and replicate them. And this will likely lead to orgasm.
In your case, however, you use toys to orgasm and you’ve already tried bringing them in to partnered play, so you likely need to consider another angle: And that’s performance pressure.
If you’re doing the exact same things with your partner as you do when you’re alone and you still can’t enjoy an orgasm when your partner is present, it’s likely a matter of mindset, mood and pressure.
So first — I want you to remove the physical barriers to orgasm. Is is the way you’re positioned? Move into the position you use when you masturbate most often and have your partner work around you. Is it the setting? Try to replicate the setting in terms of location, lighting, temperature, what you’re wearing. Again, have your partner work around you. Is it the physical sensations? When you use a toy alone, how do you do it? Can you show your partner with your hand? If you’re using the toy that always leads to orgasm, is there something else they’re doing that you find distracting?Jess and Brandon respond to a listener who can orgasm on her own, but not with her partner. They share tips, insights, personal stories as well as practical mindfulness strategies you can try tonight. - Please find a rough transcript of this podcast b...Jess and Brandon respond to a listener who can orgasm on her own, but not with her partner. They share tips, insights, personal stories as well as practical mindfulness strategies you can try tonight.<br />
<br />
Please find a rough transcript of this podcast below...<br />
<br />
Welcome to the Sex With Dr. Jess Podcast.<br />
<br />
We’re going to talk about orgasms today. We have a question from a listener.<br />
<br />
“I have been having trouble orgasming with a partner, but by myself, it’s extremely easy. I have tried to add sex toys when I’m with my partner (which is the usual way I orgasm on my own), but that didn’t even work. He feels insecure since he can’t make me orgasm and I’m embarrassed.”<br />
<br />
First - you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Your orgasm is for you. It’s not about your partner — unless you’re playing with that fantasy specifically — often in a kinky way. You might allow your partner to take control of your orgasm.<br />
<br />
One example might involve orgasm denial. It can be — with consent.<br />
<br />
Orgasm denial is often practiced as BDSM and it involves maintaining arousal without allow orgasm to follow. You might bring your partner to the brink and then pull back and stop altogether. And then you can continue to repeat. You might use your hands or body or you might use chastity belts or cock cages to prevent simulation of the genitals.<br />
<br />
Some people create a whole scene or experience around orgasm denial and others simply play with it in passing. They might tease their partner that they’re going to pull back and not let them orgasm.<br />
<br />
But back to the question.<br />
<br />
Let’s begin with the basics. Your partner doesn’t really give you an orgasm. They might be a part of the process, but your body — with your brain at the helm — gives you an orgasm. They can physically and mentally be a part of the stimulation process, but ultimately, it’s your nerve endings that communicate with the brain and it’s your brain that fires in multiple regions. And then at orgasm, your brain's center of reason and behavior (the lateral orbitofrontal cortex just behind your left eye) actually shuts down momentarily allowing your animalistic needs to overpower any reservations or preoccupations.<br />
<br />
When you can orgasm on your own, but not with a partner, oftentimes it’s because you do something physically different on your own. You use toys, you use your hands, you rub on the outside, you contort your body in a natural way, you breathe differently when you’re on your own and it facilitates orgasm easily. But then when you get with a partner, you change it up. You’re more focused on penetration, you move your body for their pleasure, you control your body at different angles, you hold your breath, you hold back or exaggerate your sounds and all of those physical activities simply don’t lead to orgasm.<br />
<br />
If this is the case, you’ll want to bring your masturbation practices — the angles, the toys, the techniques into your partnered play and replicate them. And this will likely lead to orgasm.<br />
<br />
In your case, however, you use toys to orgasm and you’ve already tried bringing them in to partnered play, so you likely need to consider another angle: And that’s performance pressure.<br />
<br />
If you’re doing the exact same things with your partner as you do when you’re alone and you still can’t enjoy an orgasm when your partner is present, it’s likely a matter of mindset, mood and pressure.<br />
<br />
So first — I want you to remove the physical barriers to orgasm. Is is the way you’re positioned? Move into the position you use when you masturbate most often and have your partner work around you. Is it the setting? Try to replicate the setting in terms of location, lighting, temperature, what you’re wearing. Again, have your partner work around you. Is it the physical sensations? When you use a toy alone,Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean36:19Vaginismus: Painful Sexhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/05/vaginismus-painful-sex/
Fri, 24 May 2019 14:00:18 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9701What are the causes, symptoms and treatment options for Vaginismus? Jess shares resources and chats with her friend Meredith who shares her story of successfully overcoming Vaginismus.
As mentioned on this episode, check out the work of Dr. Susie Gronski and the Pelvic Mafia!
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.What are the causes, symptoms and treatment options for Vaginismus? Jess shares resources and chats with her friend Meredith who shares her story of successfully overcoming Vaginismus. As mentioned on this episode, check out the work of Dr.What are the causes, symptoms and treatment options for Vaginismus? Jess shares resources and chats with her friend Meredith who shares her story of successfully overcoming Vaginismus.<br />
As mentioned on this episode, check out the work of Dr. Susie Gronski and the Pelvic Mafia!<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean39:12How To Talk To Your Kids About Pornhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/05/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-porn-2/
Fri, 17 May 2019 14:00:05 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9657Jess and Brandon talk about celebrity relationships (again!). Then Nadine Thornhill joins them to share practical advice on how to talk to your kids about sex, porn and body image.
Follow Nadine on...
Twitter
Facebook
Instagram
Youtube
Jess received a related question from a fellow listener. Here is her advice...
My ex wife tells me that she caught our teenage son watching porn. She was mortified and wants me to talk to him about it. Where do I even begin?
If you don’t talk to your kids about porn, Google, YouTube, SnapChat and their friends will. Oftentimes, they’re not looking for porn, but they stumble across it or their friends present it to them, so it’s essential to have conversations before they encounter this type of material.
If you feel uncomfortable talking to them about porn or sex, in general, use this discomfort to open the conversation. Admit that it makes you nervous so that they learn from your ability to acknowledge vulnerable emotions. They’ll also learn that it’s important to have uncomfortable conversations.
I suggest that you start by asking them if they have any questions and reminding them that it’s normal to be curious. Even if you don’t want them to watch porn, you don’t want to intensify any shame they may already feel around sex. You can let them know that porn isn’t intended for folks their age and remind them that what they see in porn isn’t what sex looks like in real life. Young people tend to learn about sex from porn because they don’t have access to other resources. And adults do the same. Offer a reminder that what they see in porn includes acting, special effects, editing, and sexual olympians. Just as they don’t learn about relationships from Jersey Shore and they don’t learn to drive watching Fast and the Furious, porn is not designed as a form of education. It can be entertaining and titillating, but it’s not produced with education in mind.
Since you’re their parent, you can share your personal values related to porn and remember that your experience may not be their experience.
Finally, consider offering them other resources they can turn to if they’re curious about sex. My colleague Nadine Thornhill talks about curating sexuality resources for your kids so that they don’t have to curate their own. Whether you send them to a site like Scarleteen for sex and relationship education or you direct them to erotica sites that reflect a greater diversity of bodies and more realistic interactions, it’s up to you. Regardless of your comfort level with this topic, remember that your child will inevitably seek out resources, so it’s up to you whether or not you want to be a part of the process.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Jess and Brandon talk about celebrity relationships (again!). Then Nadine Thornhill joins them to share practical advice on how to talk to your kids about sex, porn and body image. - Follow Nadine on... - Twitter - Facebook - Instagram - Jess and Brandon talk about celebrity relationships (again!). Then Nadine Thornhill joins them to share practical advice on how to talk to your kids about sex, porn and body image.<br />
<br />
Follow Nadine on...<br />
<br />
Twitter<br />
<br />
Facebook<br />
<br />
Instagram<br />
<br />
Youtube<br />
<br />
Jess received a related question from a fellow listener. Here is her advice...<br />
<br />
My ex wife tells me that she caught our teenage son watching porn. She was mortified and wants me to talk to him about it. Where do I even begin?<br />
<br />
If you don’t talk to your kids about porn, Google, YouTube, SnapChat and their friends will. Oftentimes, they’re not looking for porn, but they stumble across it or their friends present it to them, so it’s essential to have conversations before they encounter this type of material.<br />
<br />
If you feel uncomfortable talking to them about porn or sex, in general, use this discomfort to open the conversation. Admit that it makes you nervous so that they learn from your ability to acknowledge vulnerable emotions. They’ll also learn that it’s important to have uncomfortable conversations.<br />
<br />
I suggest that you start by asking them if they have any questions and reminding them that it’s normal to be curious. Even if you don’t want them to watch porn, you don’t want to intensify any shame they may already feel around sex. You can let them know that porn isn’t intended for folks their age and remind them that what they see in porn isn’t what sex looks like in real life. Young people tend to learn about sex from porn because they don’t have access to other resources. And adults do the same. Offer a reminder that what they see in porn includes acting, special effects, editing, and sexual olympians. Just as they don’t learn about relationships from Jersey Shore and they don’t learn to drive watching Fast and the Furious, porn is not designed as a form of education. It can be entertaining and titillating, but it’s not produced with education in mind.<br />
<br />
Since you’re their parent, you can share your personal values related to porn and remember that your experience may not be their experience.<br />
<br />
Finally, consider offering them other resources they can turn to if they’re curious about sex. My colleague Nadine Thornhill talks about curating sexuality resources for your kids so that they don’t have to curate their own. Whether you send them to a site like Scarleteen for sex and relationship education or you direct them to erotica sites that reflect a greater diversity of bodies and more realistic interactions, it’s up to you. Regardless of your comfort level with this topic, remember that your child will inevitably seek out resources, so it’s up to you whether or not you want to be a part of the process.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean47:57Why We All Seek Attention & Feel Insecure: The Ayesha & Steph Curry Casehttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/05/why-we-all-seek-attention-feel-insecure-the-ayesha-steph-curry-case/
Fri, 10 May 2019 14:00:37 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9654Do you have a partner who craves attention? Do you love getting attention? How do you feel when your partner gets attention from outside sources? Jess and Brandon discuss the Ayesha and Steph Curry case and share their experience with managing insecurity, neediness, attention-seeking and more.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Do you have a partner who craves attention? Do you love getting attention? How do you feel when your partner gets attention from outside sources? Jess and Brandon discuss the Ayesha and Steph Curry case and share their experience with managing insecuri...Do you have a partner who craves attention? Do you love getting attention? How do you feel when your partner gets attention from outside sources? Jess and Brandon discuss the Ayesha and Steph Curry case and share their experience with managing insecurity, neediness, attention-seeking and more.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean31:39Ambiamory, Polyamory, Open Relationshipshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/05/ambiamory-polyamory-open-relationships/
Fri, 03 May 2019 14:00:28 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9634Are you monogamous? Consensually non-monogamous? Ambiamorous? Polyamorous? Have you explored all of your options? And what can you learn from relationship types that are different than your own? Kevin Patterson joins Jess & Brandon to talk about his open marriage of 12 years and counting. He shares some of his mistakes and lessons as well as insightful advice on jealousy for people in monogamous relationships.
Follow Kevin on...
Instagram
Facebook
Pick up your copy of Kevin's book, Love is Not Color Blind here. Also check out For Hire: Operator here.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Are you monogamous? Consensually non-monogamous? Ambiamorous? Polyamorous? Have you explored all of your options? And what can you learn from relationship types that are different than your own? Kevin Patterson joins Jess & Brandon to talk about his op...Are you monogamous? Consensually non-monogamous? Ambiamorous? Polyamorous? Have you explored all of your options? And what can you learn from relationship types that are different than your own? Kevin Patterson joins Jess & Brandon to talk about his open marriage of 12 years and counting. He shares some of his mistakes and lessons as well as insightful advice on jealousy for people in monogamous relationships.<br />
<br />
Follow Kevin on...<br />
<br />
Instagram<br />
<br />
Facebook<br />
<br />
Pick up your copy of Kevin's book, Love is Not Color Blind here. Also check out For Hire: Operator here.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean36:41Here’s How Diet, Sleep, Superfoods and Lifestyle Choices Affect Your Libidohttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/04/heres-how-diet-sleep-superfoods-and-lifestyle-choices-affect-your-libido/
Fri, 26 Apr 2019 14:00:43 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9600Naturopathic doctor, Dr. Olivia Rose, shares insights on how diet, supplements, herbs, acupuncture and sleep affect your sex drive and overall health. She reveals what foods you should eat in the morning, what substances you should avoid at night, and how hormones play a role in libido.
Follow Dr. Olivia on...
Twitter
Instagram
Facebook
Have a question about naturopathic treatments, clinical nutrition etc.? Join Dr. Olivia every Thursday on Vitarock's Facebook page for her weekly 'Ask Me Anything' Facebook Live broadcast.
You can find a quick summary of the episode below. (Thanks to Dr. Olivia for providing these notes!)
1. What is naturopathic medicine? Tell us about your practice.
Naturopathic medicine is a health care system that blends modern scientific knowledge and evidence with traditional and natural forms of medicine. As NDs, we assess the whole person by providing physical examinations, nutrition, lifestyle and mental health assessments and we refer for blood work at our local labs when necessary.
I have a general practice, however, I do tend to focus on women and men’s health, gastrointestinal health, immune, skin and children’s health. Lifestyle, nutrition, herbs and acupuncture are the modalities I use the most.
2. What is the most common sex-related problem patients present with? (We're assuming low libido is up there.) What are some lifestyle causes of low libido?
Low libido is common, especially in women. At least women tend to talk about it more, vaginal dryness, pain during sex and erectile dysfunction in males come up frequently.
Lifestyle causes of low libido include poor diet (e.g. not enough or an excess – too much alcohol, caffeine, sugar, fat, processed foods, and also eating too little – not eating frequently enough, not having enough of the key micronutrients such as iron and B12 and macronutrients (missing healthy fat, protein etc.) which are important for blood circulation and hormone health; metabolic syndrome is a condition characterized by high blood pressure, central obesity, elevated blood sugar and abnormal cholesterol and triglyceride levels that increase your risk for stroke, heart disease and diabetes, inactivity – being active maintains good circulation to your pelvic floor and genitalia. Regular physical activity also helps to balance your hormones and maintain healthy testosterone levels. Stress – relationship, workplace, environmental – can play a role.
3. How does diet affect libido?
Your diet can play a huge role in sexual desire. Going back to the not enough or too much diets – both can affect libido. Your libido relies on circulation and if your diet isn’t conducive to promoting healthy circulation, your libido will be affected.
4. How does diet effect mood and relationships more generally?
Diet and digestion are closely tied to mood. Certain foods and additives in our food supply can have a negative effect on your mood such as MSG – some people are sensitive to MSG and report feeling sluggish, depressed or angry after consuming it. However, the first thing I do before even changing anyone’s diet is to make sure they are eating regularly. Eating at regular intervals can make a huge difference in regulating your mood. It also helps to balance your blood sugar and insulin. I emphasize a diet that contains enough protein with each meal because protein gets broken into the amino acids we require to make our hormones.
5. Can herbs/supplements be used to address libido? Can herbs/supplements be used to improve mood (and relational interactions)?
There are many herbs that have traditionally been used for sexual enhancement and mood stabilization for centuries.
Fenugreek is a popular culinary spice in South Asian dishes and in Ayurvedic medicine. It’s backed by promising research that it can increase sexual arousal and orgasms. It’s thought to contain plant chemicals that serve as precursors to estrogen and test...Naturopathic doctor, Dr. Olivia Rose, shares insights on how diet, supplements, herbs, acupuncture and sleep affect your sex drive and overall health. She reveals what foods you should eat in the morning, what substances you should avoid at night,Naturopathic doctor, Dr. Olivia Rose, shares insights on how diet, supplements, herbs, acupuncture and sleep affect your sex drive and overall health. She reveals what foods you should eat in the morning, what substances you should avoid at night, and how hormones play a role in libido.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Follow Dr. Olivia on...<br />
<br />
Twitter <br />
<br />
Instagram<br />
<br />
Facebook <br />
<br />
Have a question about naturopathic treatments, clinical nutrition etc.? Join Dr. Olivia every Thursday on Vitarock's Facebook page for her weekly 'Ask Me Anything' Facebook Live broadcast.<br />
<br />
You can find a quick summary of the episode below. (Thanks to Dr. Olivia for providing these notes!)<br />
<br />
1. What is naturopathic medicine? Tell us about your practice.<br />
<br />
Naturopathic medicine is a health care system that blends modern scientific knowledge and evidence with traditional and natural forms of medicine. As NDs, we assess the whole person by providing physical examinations, nutrition, lifestyle and mental health assessments and we refer for blood work at our local labs when necessary.<br />
I have a general practice, however, I do tend to focus on women and men’s health, gastrointestinal health, immune, skin and children’s health. Lifestyle, nutrition, herbs and acupuncture are the modalities I use the most.<br />
<br />
2. What is the most common sex-related problem patients present with? (We're assuming low libido is up there.) What are some lifestyle causes of low libido?<br />
<br />
Low libido is common, especially in women. At least women tend to talk about it more, vaginal dryness, pain during sex and erectile dysfunction in males come up frequently.<br />
Lifestyle causes of low libido include poor diet (e.g. not enough or an excess – too much alcohol, caffeine, sugar, fat, processed foods, and also eating too little – not eating frequently enough, not having enough of the key micronutrients such as iron and B12 and macronutrients (missing healthy fat, protein etc.) which are important for blood circulation and hormone health; metabolic syndrome is a condition characterized by high blood pressure, central obesity, elevated blood sugar and abnormal cholesterol and triglyceride levels that increase your risk for stroke, heart disease and diabetes, inactivity – being active maintains good circulation to your pelvic floor and genitalia. Regular physical activity also helps to balance your hormones and maintain healthy testosterone levels. Stress – relationship, workplace, environmental – can play a role.<br />
<br />
3. How does diet affect libido?<br />
<br />
Your diet can play a huge role in sexual desire. Going back to the not enough or too much diets – both can affect libido. Your libido relies on circulation and if your diet isn’t conducive to promoting healthy circulation, your libido will be affected.<br />
<br />
4. How does diet effect mood and relationships more generally?<br />
<br />
Diet and digestion are closely tied to mood. Certain foods and additives in our food supply can have a negative effect on your mood such as MSG – some people are sensitive to MSG and report feeling sluggish, depressed or angry after consuming it. However, the first thing I do before even changing anyone’s diet is to make sure they are eating regularly. Eating at regular intervals can make a huge difference in regulating your mood. It also helps to balance your blood sugar and insulin. I emphasize a diet that contains enough protein with each meal because protein gets broken into the amino acids we require to make our hormones.<br />
<br />
5. Can herbs/supplements be used to address libido? Can herbs/supplements be used to improve mood (and relational interactions)?<br />
<br />
There are many herbs that have traditionally been used for sexual enhancement and mood stabilization for centuries.<br />
<br />
<br />
Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean39:01Defensive Partners, Toxic Relationships, Shrinkage and Porn Habitshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/04/defensive-partners-toxic-relationships-shrinkage-and-porn-habits/
Thu, 18 Apr 2019 21:12:52 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9588How do you deal with a defensive partner? How do you manage a partner who lashes out in arguments? Is shrinkage real? What are some signs of a toxic relationship? Do I get a say in my partner’s porn habits? Jess and Brandon answer your questions in another rapid fire round.
Please see a rough list of the questions that were addressed on this episode:
I followed your 3-step approach on how to have difficult conversations with your partner, but I have some follow-up questions.
78. What if your partner gets defensive?
79. Lashes out?
80. Or simply withdraw or refuses to talk?
81. What if they refuse to go to therapy?
82. I want to go one of those nude beaches you talk about, but I'm afraid I will get a woody. Brandon, has this happened to you?
83. Can you make my penis bigger?
84. Is shrinkage real?
85. Does my partner get a say in my porn habits?
86. Is it your right to tell your partner that you'd prefer they didn't watch porn if it makes you jealous or you aren't comfortable with it?
87. Where is the line for advocating for what you want, and being controlling?
88. What about telling them not to watch certain kinds of porn that you're ethically opposed to? Like free porn which is often exploitative, or porn scenes that are degrading towards women?
89. If your partner has an issue with your porn habits, would you change them or tell them it's your choice?
90. Does Brandon have a brother?
91. What if my wife has a small clitoris?
92. Why does my penis keep dripping after I pee?
93. Can semen clog your drain?
94. How do they know it's semen, did they have to clean out their pipes?
95. I just started dating since graduating college and being with a not-so-great boyfriend for four years. I'm not sure what a healthy relationship should really look like. Can you tell me some signs of a toxic relationship? I want to know what to look for, to make sure it's not an unhealthy situation.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.How do you deal with a defensive partner? How do you manage a partner who lashes out in arguments? Is shrinkage real? What are some signs of a toxic relationship? Do I get a say in my partner’s porn habits?How do you deal with a defensive partner? How do you manage a partner who lashes out in arguments? Is shrinkage real? What are some signs of a toxic relationship? Do I get a say in my partner’s porn habits? Jess and Brandon answer your questions in another rapid fire round.<br />
<br />
Please see a rough list of the questions that were addressed on this episode:<br />
<br />
I followed your 3-step approach on how to have difficult conversations with your partner, but I have some follow-up questions.<br />
<br />
78. What if your partner gets defensive?<br />
<br />
79. Lashes out?<br />
<br />
80. Or simply withdraw or refuses to talk?<br />
<br />
81. What if they refuse to go to therapy?<br />
<br />
82. I want to go one of those nude beaches you talk about, but I'm afraid I will get a woody. Brandon, has this happened to you?<br />
<br />
83. Can you make my penis bigger?<br />
<br />
84. Is shrinkage real?<br />
<br />
85. Does my partner get a say in my porn habits?<br />
<br />
86. Is it your right to tell your partner that you'd prefer they didn't watch porn if it makes you jealous or you aren't comfortable with it?<br />
<br />
87. Where is the line for advocating for what you want, and being controlling?<br />
<br />
88. What about telling them not to watch certain kinds of porn that you're ethically opposed to? Like free porn which is often exploitative, or porn scenes that are degrading towards women?<br />
<br />
89. If your partner has an issue with your porn habits, would you change them or tell them it's your choice?<br />
<br />
90. Does Brandon have a brother?<br />
<br />
91. What if my wife has a small clitoris?<br />
<br />
92. Why does my penis keep dripping after I pee?<br />
<br />
93. Can semen clog your drain?<br />
<br />
94. How do they know it's semen, did they have to clean out their pipes?<br />
<br />
95. I just started dating since graduating college and being with a not-so-great boyfriend for four years. I'm not sure what a healthy relationship should really look like. Can you tell me some signs of a toxic relationship? I want to know what to look for, to make sure it's not an unhealthy situation.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean30:58Body Language in Dating & Matinghttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/04/how-to-read-your-partners-body-language/
Fri, 12 Apr 2019 13:00:59 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9570How should you adjust your body language during an argument with your partner? What strategies can we use to become active listeners? What role does body language play with single daters? Tune in now to learn from Body Language Expert, Karen Donaldson as she shares her advice and insights with Jess and Brandon.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.How should you adjust your body language during an argument with your partner? What strategies can we use to become active listeners? What role does body language play with single daters? Tune in now to learn from Body Language Expert,How should you adjust your body language during an argument with your partner? What strategies can we use to become active listeners? What role does body language play with single daters? Tune in now to learn from Body Language Expert, Karen Donaldson as she shares her advice and insights with Jess and Brandon.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean39:54Sex Q&A: Anal, Hot-Wifing, Sexless Marriages & Much Morehttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/04/sex-qa-anal-hot-wifing-sexless-marriages-much-more/
Fri, 05 Apr 2019 18:46:58 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9559Jess and Brandon answer your questions: Is it normal to want your wife to be a hot-wife? Should I use an enema before anal? What should I do if I can’t get it in? Can a sexless marriage work? Can a couple really recover after cheating? How do I know if I should call it quits on a relationship? And many, many more.
Please see a rough transcript below.
Thank you to Desire Resorts & Desire Cruises for their support. Be sure to check them out because they offer a clothing-optional couples experience that is unlike any other.
To celebrate our 100th episode, we started answering 100 of your questions last week and we continue this week:
39. Is there really a way to move past a cheating partner?
Yes. If the one who cheated is not making excuses and is willing to do the work. And if the one who didn’t cheat agrees that they’ll be vulnerable and honest about what they feel AND not use the cheating as a weapon moving forward (e.g. in arguments unrelated to cheating).
40. How can you introduce compromise to a partner who always believes their way is the right way?
You compromise first. It’s disarming. If you take an issue that you’re fighting about and say mea culpa - I need to change. The angriest, most stubborn person will likely follow suit.
41. How do you know enough is enough, and you’re just running your own race?
If your partner isn’t willing to put in effort to make the relationship work - this might be a sign that you’re not able to become compatible. Having said that, just because they won’t put in the same type of effort you put in doesn’t mean it’s on them to conform to your expectations. But if you’ve tried to work on the relationship from multiple angles - by talking, by arguing, by going to therapy, by completing self-help programs together, by carving time out and you’ve tried a variety of approaches and asked them how they’d like to work on it AND they’re open to none of them, you’re in a relationship with yourself. Try asking them: do you want to work on this relationship and make it better? If they say yes, ask them how they’d like to work on it.
42. Can a man’s semen stink if they drink beer? Is there something that causes women to have a funny smell?
Yes. We don’t have scientific evidence that what you eat and drink changes your taste or smell, but we have so many anecdotal reports that I simply can’t ignore. Diets high in fruits and veggies and supposed to increase sweetness and preservatives, smoking and alcohol have been said to change the taste so that it’s more bitter. And when someone ejaculates inside of you, it can absolutely change the way you smell, but the self-cleaning oven will clean it out. And again, always get tested — regardless of whether or not you’re using condoms.
43. How tall are you?
5’4"
44. How do you get brave enough to try new things in the bedroom?
Start slow and small. Try it next to the bed instead of in the bed. Then move to the shower and add silicone based lube because you’ll need it in there. Try whispering a few words right before orgasm when your inhibitions are lower. When you get more turned on, the chemical shifts in your body help you to be less self conscious and more confident. And don’t feel pressure to do everything. The tiniest change can have the biggest impact.
45. Can sex still be healthy if it is quick, under 15 minutes all the time?
That’s way longer than average. Porn sex lasts so long that our expectations become unrealistic. But if it’s not long enough for you, think about other things you can do - with your hands, your mouth, your toys. Don’t get hung up on intercourse. There is a reason lesbian women have more orgasms that straight women - they’re not hung up on the D.
46. How can you tell if your husband’s sex drive is going down?
Ask them! And be supportive. It’s okay if your interest in sex declines. It’s normal. You often have to get in the mood for sex rather than wait for the mood to strike you.Jess and Brandon answer your questions: Is it normal to want your wife to be a hot-wife? Should I use an enema before anal? What should I do if I can’t get it in? Can a sexless marriage work? Can a couple really recover after cheating?Jess and Brandon answer your questions: Is it normal to want your wife to be a hot-wife? Should I use an enema before anal? What should I do if I can’t get it in? Can a sexless marriage work? Can a couple really recover after cheating? How do I know if I should call it quits on a relationship? And many, many more.<br />
<br />
Please see a rough transcript below.<br />
<br />
Thank you to Desire Resorts & Desire Cruises for their support. Be sure to check them out because they offer a clothing-optional couples experience that is unlike any other.<br />
<br />
To celebrate our 100th episode, we started answering 100 of your questions last week and we continue this week:<br />
<br />
39. Is there really a way to move past a cheating partner?<br />
<br />
Yes. If the one who cheated is not making excuses and is willing to do the work. And if the one who didn’t cheat agrees that they’ll be vulnerable and honest about what they feel AND not use the cheating as a weapon moving forward (e.g. in arguments unrelated to cheating).<br />
<br />
40. How can you introduce compromise to a partner who always believes their way is the right way?<br />
<br />
You compromise first. It’s disarming. If you take an issue that you’re fighting about and say mea culpa - I need to change. The angriest, most stubborn person will likely follow suit.<br />
<br />
41. How do you know enough is enough, and you’re just running your own race?<br />
<br />
If your partner isn’t willing to put in effort to make the relationship work - this might be a sign that you’re not able to become compatible. Having said that, just because they won’t put in the same type of effort you put in doesn’t mean it’s on them to conform to your expectations. But if you’ve tried to work on the relationship from multiple angles - by talking, by arguing, by going to therapy, by completing self-help programs together, by carving time out and you’ve tried a variety of approaches and asked them how they’d like to work on it AND they’re open to none of them, you’re in a relationship with yourself. Try asking them: do you want to work on this relationship and make it better? If they say yes, ask them how they’d like to work on it.<br />
<br />
42. Can a man’s semen stink if they drink beer? Is there something that causes women to have a funny smell?<br />
<br />
Yes. We don’t have scientific evidence that what you eat and drink changes your taste or smell, but we have so many anecdotal reports that I simply can’t ignore. Diets high in fruits and veggies and supposed to increase sweetness and preservatives, smoking and alcohol have been said to change the taste so that it’s more bitter. And when someone ejaculates inside of you, it can absolutely change the way you smell, but the self-cleaning oven will clean it out. And again, always get tested — regardless of whether or not you’re using condoms.<br />
<br />
43. How tall are you?<br />
<br />
5’4"<br />
<br />
44. How do you get brave enough to try new things in the bedroom?<br />
<br />
Start slow and small. Try it next to the bed instead of in the bed. Then move to the shower and add silicone based lube because you’ll need it in there. Try whispering a few words right before orgasm when your inhibitions are lower. When you get more turned on, the chemical shifts in your body help you to be less self conscious and more confident. And don’t feel pressure to do everything. The tiniest change can have the biggest impact.<br />
<br />
45. Can sex still be healthy if it is quick, under 15 minutes all the time?<br />
<br />
That’s way longer than average. Porn sex lasts so long that our expectations become unrealistic. But if it’s not long enough for you, think about other things you can do - with your hands, your mouth, your toys. Don’t get hung up on intercourse. There is a reason lesbian women have more orgasms that straight women - they’re not hung up on the D.<br />
<br />
46.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean49:5038 Sex Questions Answeredhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/03/38-sex-questions-answered/
Fri, 29 Mar 2019 14:06:11 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9524It’s our 100th episode! We’re answering rapid-fire questions on everything from jealousy, uneven breasts, and birth control to penis flavours, positions and sex toys. Tune in and keep the questions coming.
Sex Questions Answered: Rapid Fire Round
Rough Transcript:
It’s our 100th episode! Yay us!
Thanks so much for listening and for sharing with your friends. If you like the podcast, please do share it and write us a review online.
And thank you to Desire Resorts for being our headline sponsor - you know we love their clothing optional beaches and cruises and we welcome any questions you might have about their vacations since the concept is so unique.
And speaking of questions, we’re going to be answering 100 sex and relationship questions to celebrate our 100th episode. We’ve been collecting so many questions from you and we want to answer as many as possible so we’ll be doing a rapid fire round today and I’ll do my best to answer as many as possible. We’ll probably have to continue in next week’s episode.
Some of these questions come from teens and some come from grandparents, so it’s quite a wide range. Brandon: are you ready?
1. Can pre cum get you pregnant?
Yes - it can. If there is sperm present in the urethral tract, pre-cum can carry this sperm into the vagina and it can eventually meet with an egg.
2. Does the birth control pill make you gain weight?
People report that it does, but research from 44 studies suggests that it’s temporary — perhaps a side effect of fluid retention. But ultimately, you know your body so if hormonal birth control is affecting your energy, sleep, mood, these factors affect your weight. You also have non-hormonal options like the copper IUD, condoms for the penis, internal condoms that can be worn inside the vagina.
3. If your vagina is only 6 inches (in depth?) how can a 7" or 8" penis fit inside?
The average vagina is not that long in an unaroused state. It’s shorter than 4 inches on average. First, the entire penis cannot possibly slide inside and secondly, we believe that the cervix tents as you become aroused, muscle relax and the fornices also provide a little extra space to accommodate the object or penis of your choosing. The average penis length is far below 7 or 8 inches.
4. Should I still use a condom if I’m on the pill and we’ve been together for 2+ years?
Whether or not you use condoms isn’t a matter of how long you’ve been together. It’s a matter of health practices like testing, lifestyle factors (like do you take your pill reliably and do you need a backup method?) and risk factors (e.g. are you monogamous?). It’s a personal choice, but if you don’t use condoms, remember that the pill provides zero protection to reduce STI transmission.
5. Why is one breast bigger than the other?
The body isn’t symmetrical. Just like your feet are slightly different sizes and your eyebrows will never be twins - only sisters - one breast is usually bigger than the other and that’s cool. No one is going to notice but you and even if they do, they’re not going to care. If you do notice any changes in size or shape, let your healthcare practitioner know so they can decide if any tests are necessary.
6. How do I deal with a jealous child? He’s 12 years old.
Remind them that it’s normal to feel jealous and the jealousy sometimes isn’t rational.
Focus on governing behaviour — not the feeling itself. It’s okay to feel this way, but you don’t want to be mean to your brother. Tell a story about a time you were jealous and how you responded to normalize the feeling; if you regret your response, admit it and suggest how you might respond today. Drop the comparisons and generally focus on your child’s strengths to build up their self-esteem.
7. Does being on the birth control pill for a long time prevent you from having kids/getting pregnant?
The pill is a reversible form of birth control which means that you can get pregnant when you st...It’s our 100th episode! We’re answering rapid-fire questions on everything from jealousy, uneven breasts, and birth control to penis flavours, positions and sex toys. Tune in and keep the questions coming. - Sex Questions Answered: Rapid Fire Round It’s our 100th episode! We’re answering rapid-fire questions on everything from jealousy, uneven breasts, and birth control to penis flavours, positions and sex toys. Tune in and keep the questions coming.<br />
<br />
Sex Questions Answered: Rapid Fire Round<br />
<br />
Rough Transcript:<br />
<br />
It’s our 100th episode! Yay us!<br />
<br />
Thanks so much for listening and for sharing with your friends. If you like the podcast, please do share it and write us a review online.<br />
<br />
And thank you to Desire Resorts for being our headline sponsor - you know we love their clothing optional beaches and cruises and we welcome any questions you might have about their vacations since the concept is so unique.<br />
<br />
And speaking of questions, we’re going to be answering 100 sex and relationship questions to celebrate our 100th episode. We’ve been collecting so many questions from you and we want to answer as many as possible so we’ll be doing a rapid fire round today and I’ll do my best to answer as many as possible. We’ll probably have to continue in next week’s episode.<br />
<br />
Some of these questions come from teens and some come from grandparents, so it’s quite a wide range. Brandon: are you ready?<br />
<br />
1. Can pre cum get you pregnant?<br />
<br />
Yes - it can. If there is sperm present in the urethral tract, pre-cum can carry this sperm into the vagina and it can eventually meet with an egg.<br />
<br />
2. Does the birth control pill make you gain weight?<br />
<br />
People report that it does, but research from 44 studies suggests that it’s temporary — perhaps a side effect of fluid retention. But ultimately, you know your body so if hormonal birth control is affecting your energy, sleep, mood, these factors affect your weight. You also have non-hormonal options like the copper IUD, condoms for the penis, internal condoms that can be worn inside the vagina.<br />
<br />
3. If your vagina is only 6 inches (in depth?) how can a 7" or 8" penis fit inside?<br />
<br />
The average vagina is not that long in an unaroused state. It’s shorter than 4 inches on average. First, the entire penis cannot possibly slide inside and secondly, we believe that the cervix tents as you become aroused, muscle relax and the fornices also provide a little extra space to accommodate the object or penis of your choosing. The average penis length is far below 7 or 8 inches.<br />
<br />
4. Should I still use a condom if I’m on the pill and we’ve been together for 2+ years?<br />
<br />
Whether or not you use condoms isn’t a matter of how long you’ve been together. It’s a matter of health practices like testing, lifestyle factors (like do you take your pill reliably and do you need a backup method?) and risk factors (e.g. are you monogamous?). It’s a personal choice, but if you don’t use condoms, remember that the pill provides zero protection to reduce STI transmission.<br />
<br />
5. Why is one breast bigger than the other?<br />
<br />
The body isn’t symmetrical. Just like your feet are slightly different sizes and your eyebrows will never be twins - only sisters - one breast is usually bigger than the other and that’s cool. No one is going to notice but you and even if they do, they’re not going to care. If you do notice any changes in size or shape, let your healthcare practitioner know so they can decide if any tests are necessary.<br />
<br />
6. How do I deal with a jealous child? He’s 12 years old.<br />
<br />
Remind them that it’s normal to feel jealous and the jealousy sometimes isn’t rational.<br />
Focus on governing behaviour — not the feeling itself. It’s okay to feel this way, but you don’t want to be mean to your brother. Tell a story about a time you were jealous and how you responded to normalize the feeling; if you regret your response, admit it and suggest how you might respond today. Drop the comparisons and generally focus on your child’s strengths to...Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean51:02Sex Dolls, Semen, Squirting and Nervousnesshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/03/sex-dolls-semen-squirting-and-nervousness/
Fri, 22 Mar 2019 13:00:52 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9501Jess and Brandon answer listener questions about swallowing, squirting, nervousness, physical affection and sex dolls.
Please find a rough summary of the podcast. We’re working on a transcript which should be coming soon!
Today we’re talking physical affection, sex headaches, semen swallowing, FMF fantasies and squirting.
Thank you to Desire Resorts for their support of this podcast.
But first…Sex doll smuggling. A Trinidadian man had his sex doll seized at the border after being in­formed that it con­tra­vened sec­tion 45 (l) of the Cus­toms Act as it has hu­man gen­i­talia. He is now suing Trinidad’s Cus­toms and Ex­cise Di­vi­sion and while I can’t comment on Trinidad’s import policies, I’m always concerned when the government steps in and ultimately dictates what you can and can’t do as consenting adults in the privacy of your bedroom.
I ran into this in the UAE when I was working in Dubai. My clients got in trouble for trying to import sex toys and they taught me an important lesson about how to take vibrators in to countries where they’re prohibited: put them next to your hair curler or straightening iron because then they look like they’re part of the same electronic components. And so far it has worked for me.
But I just thought this story offered a good reminder that we should talk about sex dolls because there are now sex doll brothels in Canada, Europe, Asia and they must be coming soon to the US - like a boy band, they’re always big in Europe, Asia and Canada first and then they hit the US. And I’ve seen so many lifelike sex dolls on display at trade shows and in sex clubs.
Our listener questions are piling up and it’s stressing me out a bit because I don’t like to leave you hanging, so we’re going to address a series of questions today.
1. A 'buddy of mine' is worried that something is wrong because he doesn’t always want to be touched - especially right after work or when he’s watching the game. His girlfriend gets mad because she wants to kiss or cuddle and he just feels smothered and guilty for not wanting to touch her. Is this a psychological issue? How should he deal with it?
Just as some people crave touch constantly, others abhor it. Wherever you fall along the spectrum of desire of physical touch, you’re perfectly normal. As long as you can function (i.e. go to work, maintain relationships), I wouldn’t worry about how little or how much touch you desire.
In your friend’s case, it sounds as though he simply wants some space and needs to clearly communicate his boundaries to his partner. He should let her know when and how he wants to be touched and clarify that there are simply times when he wants physical space. He shouldn’t feel guilty.
Many mothers complain about feeling “touched out” at the end of the day; their kids have been all over them all day and they just don’t want anyone else (i.e. their partners) to hug, kiss or initiate sex. Your friend may be experiencing something similar.
Compatibility in relationships isn’t rooted finding someone who wants the same things as you (e.g. you don’t have to share a mutual love of cuddling); compatibility involves working together to meet one another’s needs and accepting that one person cannot fulfill all of your needs everyday for the rest of your lives. If his girlfriend wants more affection, he can offer it at times and she can also seek it elsewhere — she could cuddle with the dog, get more hugs from friends and family or spend some time touching herself. Once you acknowledge that you’re not required to meet your partner’s every need (and they can’t possibly meet all of yours), you’ll likely cultivate happier, more satisfying relationships.
2. Is it safe to swallow your own semen?
It sure is! You can taste and swallow your own semen as long as you don’t have STIs like chlamydia and gonorrhoea because some STIs can be spread to other areas of the body.
Semen volume is 2 – 6 mL (1/2 a teaspoon to one teaspoon) ...Jess and Brandon answer listener questions about swallowing, squirting, nervousness, physical affection and sex dolls. - Please find a rough summary of the podcast. We’re working on a transcript which should be coming soon! - Jess and Brandon answer listener questions about swallowing, squirting, nervousness, physical affection and sex dolls.<br />
<br />
Please find a rough summary of the podcast. We’re working on a transcript which should be coming soon!<br />
<br />
Today we’re talking physical affection, sex headaches, semen swallowing, FMF fantasies and squirting.<br />
<br />
Thank you to Desire Resorts for their support of this podcast.<br />
<br />
But first…Sex doll smuggling. A Trinidadian man had his sex doll seized at the border after being in­formed that it con­tra­vened sec­tion 45 (l) of the Cus­toms Act as it has hu­man gen­i­talia. He is now suing Trinidad’s Cus­toms and Ex­cise Di­vi­sion and while I can’t comment on Trinidad’s import policies, I’m always concerned when the government steps in and ultimately dictates what you can and can’t do as consenting adults in the privacy of your bedroom.<br />
<br />
I ran into this in the UAE when I was working in Dubai. My clients got in trouble for trying to import sex toys and they taught me an important lesson about how to take vibrators in to countries where they’re prohibited: put them next to your hair curler or straightening iron because then they look like they’re part of the same electronic components. And so far it has worked for me.<br />
<br />
But I just thought this story offered a good reminder that we should talk about sex dolls because there are now sex doll brothels in Canada, Europe, Asia and they must be coming soon to the US - like a boy band, they’re always big in Europe, Asia and Canada first and then they hit the US. And I’ve seen so many lifelike sex dolls on display at trade shows and in sex clubs.<br />
<br />
Our listener questions are piling up and it’s stressing me out a bit because I don’t like to leave you hanging, so we’re going to address a series of questions today.<br />
<br />
1. A 'buddy of mine' is worried that something is wrong because he doesn’t always want to be touched - especially right after work or when he’s watching the game. His girlfriend gets mad because she wants to kiss or cuddle and he just feels smothered and guilty for not wanting to touch her. Is this a psychological issue? How should he deal with it?<br />
<br />
Just as some people crave touch constantly, others abhor it. Wherever you fall along the spectrum of desire of physical touch, you’re perfectly normal. As long as you can function (i.e. go to work, maintain relationships), I wouldn’t worry about how little or how much touch you desire.<br />
<br />
In your friend’s case, it sounds as though he simply wants some space and needs to clearly communicate his boundaries to his partner. He should let her know when and how he wants to be touched and clarify that there are simply times when he wants physical space. He shouldn’t feel guilty.<br />
<br />
Many mothers complain about feeling “touched out” at the end of the day; their kids have been all over them all day and they just don’t want anyone else (i.e. their partners) to hug, kiss or initiate sex. Your friend may be experiencing something similar.<br />
<br />
Compatibility in relationships isn’t rooted finding someone who wants the same things as you (e.g. you don’t have to share a mutual love of cuddling); compatibility involves working together to meet one another’s needs and accepting that one person cannot fulfill all of your needs everyday for the rest of your lives. If his girlfriend wants more affection, he can offer it at times and she can also seek it elsewhere — she could cuddle with the dog, get more hugs from friends and family or spend some time touching herself. Once you acknowledge that you’re not required to meet your partner’s every need (and they can’t possibly meet all of yours), you’ll likely cultivate happier, more satisfying relationships.<br />
<br />
2. Is it safe to swallow your own semen?<br />
<br />
It sure is! You can taste and swallow your own semen as long as you...Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean37:29Dating Advice with Dr. Donnahttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/03/dating-advice-with-dr-donna/
Fri, 15 Mar 2019 13:45:00 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9467How much should appearance matter in dating? How do you overcome fears of rejection and develop high self-worth? How do we address racism, colorism and discrimination in dating? Dr. Donna and Jess share their experiences and perspectives to help you feel better in your own skin and address your own biases.
Follow Dr. Donna Oriowo on...
Twitter
Facebook
Instagram
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.How much should appearance matter in dating? How do you overcome fears of rejection and develop high self-worth? How do we address racism, colorism and discrimination in dating? Dr. Donna and Jess share their experiences and perspectives to help you fe...How much should appearance matter in dating? How do you overcome fears of rejection and develop high self-worth? How do we address racism, colorism and discrimination in dating? Dr. Donna and Jess share their experiences and perspectives to help you feel better in your own skin and address your own biases.<br />
<br />
Follow Dr. Donna Oriowo on...<br />
<br />
Twitter<br />
<br />
Facebook<br />
<br />
Instagram<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean34:20Blow Jobs, Crushes, Sex Education & Cheating Clauseshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/03/blow-jobs-crushes-sex-education-cheating-clauses/
Fri, 08 Mar 2019 14:27:22 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9401How important is oral sex? Is it okay to have a crush on a co-worker if I’m married? Are ‘cheating clauses’ healthy for relationships? How do I get over a crush? Why does sex education matter? Jess and Brandon chat sex, love and relationships addressing these questions and many more.
Check out the rough summary notes from the podcast below:
We’re in south Florida this week - I’m working on a new book all about seduction and foreplay along with my co-author Marla Stewart and we are enjoying the sunshine. But it has been a stressful week - with Lido.
And I just found out that I’m shadow banned on Instagram because my account gets reported all the time - I don’t post provocative or even sexy photos. It’s mostly my face, Brandon’s and my pup Lido’s, but because people don’t like that I talk about sex, they report me and Instagram has shadow banned me. Now they can send me harassing messages and Instagram doesn’t do anything about it. I reported a dick pick on FB the other day and FB said that the person’s account doesn't violate their terms. But somehow because I talk about sex and relationships, none of my hashtags show up in feeds or searches and my content is hidden from many people’s feeds - even those who follow me. So if you follow me on Insta - it’s SexWithDrJess - please take a moment to head over to my account. If you can comment on a photo or two it should help me out - and Insta doesn’t like one word comments because they think they’re bots.
It’s a struggle working in this field because even though we’re here providing education and trying to help people to feel better about themselves, we face judgment and pushback at every turn. We live in a culture that is okay with depictions of gruesome violence or extreme risk taking and dangerous behaviour like shootouts, or high speed car chases, or war, but the mere mention of sex — which by the way is a the life-force that keeps our planet populated — freaks people out. I had a post reported on FB entitled 5 conversations to deepen the bond and connection in your relationship. FB said it violated their community standards. Yet I see posts that promote homophobia, transphobia, racism and misogyny every time I open my feed.
Without sex you wouldn’t be here. Without sex, we wouldn’t have computers, we wouldn’t have surgical developments that save lives, we wouldn’t have the internet that keeps us connected. People developed these technologies and people are here because their parents had sex.
This erotophobia not only affects my day-to-day life - I see it when people judge me when I walk in a room because of my work and I can’t wait until the day I stop caring and speak up, but more importantly our fear of sex affects the health and safety of every one of us. Because we don’t talk about sex with young people, we’re putting their lives at risk.
Because research shows that sex education - talking about sex - is associated with improved academic achievement, greater gender equity, higher school attendance rates.
Research shows that sex education is associated with suicide prevention.
Research shows that sex education can dispel misinformation about sex spread by popular media. Done right, it can address the misogynist, ableist, ageist, classist, racist depictions of sex and relationships we see in popular media.
Research shows that sex education can improve confidence, decrease abuse, and help people to live more fulfilling lives and have happier relationships.
It reduces STI transmission and unplanned pregnancies by increasing the likelihood of delaying sex, using condoms and communicating about what you want and what you don’t want.
But somehow, sex ed is framed as a controversial issue. A divisive issue. A political issue. But it’s not a matter of politics or opinion or religion — sex ed is a matter of life and death.
So please support sex ed. Speak up. Follow and support sex educators. Help us get un-shadow banned. Rant over.
***
How important is oral sex? Is it okay to have a crush on a co-worker if I’m married? Are ‘cheating clauses’ healthy for relationships? How do I get over a crush? Why does sex education matter? Jess and Brandon chat sex,How important is oral sex? Is it okay to have a crush on a co-worker if I’m married? Are ‘cheating clauses’ healthy for relationships? How do I get over a crush? Why does sex education matter? Jess and Brandon chat sex, love and relationships addressing these questions and many more.<br />
<br />
Check out the rough summary notes from the podcast below:<br />
<br />
We’re in south Florida this week - I’m working on a new book all about seduction and foreplay along with my co-author Marla Stewart and we are enjoying the sunshine. But it has been a stressful week - with Lido.<br />
<br />
And I just found out that I’m shadow banned on Instagram because my account gets reported all the time - I don’t post provocative or even sexy photos. It’s mostly my face, Brandon’s and my pup Lido’s, but because people don’t like that I talk about sex, they report me and Instagram has shadow banned me. Now they can send me harassing messages and Instagram doesn’t do anything about it. I reported a dick pick on FB the other day and FB said that the person’s account doesn't violate their terms. But somehow because I talk about sex and relationships, none of my hashtags show up in feeds or searches and my content is hidden from many people’s feeds - even those who follow me. So if you follow me on Insta - it’s SexWithDrJess - please take a moment to head over to my account. If you can comment on a photo or two it should help me out - and Insta doesn’t like one word comments because they think they’re bots.<br />
<br />
It’s a struggle working in this field because even though we’re here providing education and trying to help people to feel better about themselves, we face judgment and pushback at every turn. We live in a culture that is okay with depictions of gruesome violence or extreme risk taking and dangerous behaviour like shootouts, or high speed car chases, or war, but the mere mention of sex — which by the way is a the life-force that keeps our planet populated — freaks people out. I had a post reported on FB entitled 5 conversations to deepen the bond and connection in your relationship. FB said it violated their community standards. Yet I see posts that promote homophobia, transphobia, racism and misogyny every time I open my feed.<br />
<br />
Without sex you wouldn’t be here. Without sex, we wouldn’t have computers, we wouldn’t have surgical developments that save lives, we wouldn’t have the internet that keeps us connected. People developed these technologies and people are here because their parents had sex.<br />
<br />
This erotophobia not only affects my day-to-day life - I see it when people judge me when I walk in a room because of my work and I can’t wait until the day I stop caring and speak up, but more importantly our fear of sex affects the health and safety of every one of us. Because we don’t talk about sex with young people, we’re putting their lives at risk.<br />
<br />
Because research shows that sex education - talking about sex - is associated with improved academic achievement, greater gender equity, higher school attendance rates.<br />
<br />
Research shows that sex education is associated with suicide prevention.<br />
<br />
Research shows that sex education can dispel misinformation about sex spread by popular media. Done right, it can address the misogynist, ableist, ageist, classist, racist depictions of sex and relationships we see in popular media.<br />
<br />
Research shows that sex education can improve confidence, decrease abuse, and help people to live more fulfilling lives and have happier relationships.<br />
<br />
It reduces STI transmission and unplanned pregnancies by increasing the likelihood of delaying sex, using condoms and communicating about what you want and what you don’t want.<br />
<br />
But somehow, sex ed is framed as a controversial issue. A divisive issue. A political issue. But it’s not a matter of politics or opinion or religion — sex ed is a matter ...Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean37:43Sex-Positive Parenting & How To Talk To Your Kids About Pornhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/03/sex-positive-parenting-how-to-discuss-porn/
Fri, 01 Mar 2019 14:00:21 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9294How do you talk to your kids about porn? How do you teach consent from a young age? How do you have awkward conversations about sex? What does it mean to be a sex-positive parent? Melissa Pintor Carnagey joins Jess and Brandon to share her advice and insights on these topics and more.
You can find Melissa online at sexpositivefamilies.com. They have downloadable guides, resources, podcast episodes and blog posts that offer education to help families raise sexually healthy children. One of their most popular resources is our Sex Positive Families Reading List with over 100 curated books about sexual health topics for children and adults of all ages.
Follow Melissa on...
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
***
Check out Jess' thoughts on how to talk to your kids about porn below:
The landscape of sex has changed since we were kids with sexting, mobile porn and social media shaping the way young people learn about sex.
With explicit content at their fingertips, talking to our children about sex and porn is more important than ever. And as uncomfortable as a conversation about porn may be, there is no avoiding it if we want to support our children in developing healthy attitudes toward intimacy, sexuality and relationships. While there is no perfect formula for addressing such a sensitive and subjective topic, we have a few tips for making the conversation count:
Ask questions without judgment
Parents often wonder how to start a conversation about sex and it is common to have serious concerns with regard to exactly how much information they should reveal. One of the best ways to address these concerns is to ask questions to help understand what your kids have seen, learned and heard about sex and porn. Ideally, you’ll want to address the topic before your child is exposed to the material, but many young people click on adult content inadvertently.
If your young child has clicked on a porn link accidentally, you might want to ask him what he saw and what he thought of the images, language and content. By remaining neutral in tone, language and facial expressions, you can encourage your child to express himself without fear of judgment.
If you’ve found adult links on your child’s computer, you might ask her what she felt when viewing the videos and emphasize that both positive, negative and conflicting reactions are normal. Other questions to guide your discussion might include:
What do you know about porn/sex?
Do your friends ever talk about porn/sex and if so, what have you heard?
How did you feel about what you saw?
When your child presents you with a question about a sex term or sex act (e.g. What is intercourse?), you can turn the tables and ask him/her what s/he already knows. This is the perfect teachable moment to dispel any misinformation and learn a bit more about your child’s sources of sex information which may range from schoolyard friends and older siblings to the internet and television programs.
Fill in the blanks with age-appropriate information.
Depending on your child’s age and your comfort level, you can fill in as much or as little information as you deem suitable. Sex education is most effective when it is age appropriate; for example, a four year old can understand the basics of reproduction (a man and a woman are needed to create a baby), whereas a 7 year-old can grasp the basic concepts of intercourse (the penis goes in a vagina). Answering your child’s questions about sex and porn from such an early age may seem counterintuitive, but research continues to confirm that learning accurate information about sex (including both positive and negative outcomes) does not lead to an increase sexual activity; accurate sex education, however, does lead to positive sexual interactions and relationships in the future.
Though experts can offer guidelines and tips with regard to how to approach this sensitive topic, as a parent,How do you talk to your kids about porn? How do you teach consent from a young age? How do you have awkward conversations about sex? What does it mean to be a sex-positive parent? Melissa Pintor Carnagey joins Jess and Brandon to share her advice and i...How do you talk to your kids about porn? How do you teach consent from a young age? How do you have awkward conversations about sex? What does it mean to be a sex-positive parent? Melissa Pintor Carnagey joins Jess and Brandon to share her advice and insights on these topics and more.<br />
<br />
You can find Melissa online at sexpositivefamilies.com. They have downloadable guides, resources, podcast episodes and blog posts that offer education to help families raise sexually healthy children. One of their most popular resources is our Sex Positive Families Reading List with over 100 curated books about sexual health topics for children and adults of all ages.<br />
<br />
Follow Melissa on...<br />
<br />
Instagram <br />
<br />
Twitter<br />
<br />
Facebook<br />
<br />
***<br />
<br />
Check out Jess' thoughts on how to talk to your kids about porn below:<br />
<br />
The landscape of sex has changed since we were kids with sexting, mobile porn and social media shaping the way young people learn about sex.<br />
<br />
With explicit content at their fingertips, talking to our children about sex and porn is more important than ever. And as uncomfortable as a conversation about porn may be, there is no avoiding it if we want to support our children in developing healthy attitudes toward intimacy, sexuality and relationships. While there is no perfect formula for addressing such a sensitive and subjective topic, we have a few tips for making the conversation count:<br />
<br />
Ask questions without judgment<br />
<br />
Parents often wonder how to start a conversation about sex and it is common to have serious concerns with regard to exactly how much information they should reveal. One of the best ways to address these concerns is to ask questions to help understand what your kids have seen, learned and heard about sex and porn. Ideally, you’ll want to address the topic before your child is exposed to the material, but many young people click on adult content inadvertently.<br />
<br />
If your young child has clicked on a porn link accidentally, you might want to ask him what he saw and what he thought of the images, language and content. By remaining neutral in tone, language and facial expressions, you can encourage your child to express himself without fear of judgment.<br />
<br />
If you’ve found adult links on your child’s computer, you might ask her what she felt when viewing the videos and emphasize that both positive, negative and conflicting reactions are normal. Other questions to guide your discussion might include:<br />
<br />
What do you know about porn/sex?<br />
<br />
Do your friends ever talk about porn/sex and if so, what have you heard?<br />
<br />
How did you feel about what you saw?<br />
<br />
When your child presents you with a question about a sex term or sex act (e.g. What is intercourse?), you can turn the tables and ask him/her what s/he already knows. This is the perfect teachable moment to dispel any misinformation and learn a bit more about your child’s sources of sex information which may range from schoolyard friends and older siblings to the internet and television programs.<br />
<br />
Fill in the blanks with age-appropriate information.<br />
<br />
Depending on your child’s age and your comfort level, you can fill in as much or as little information as you deem suitable. Sex education is most effective when it is age appropriate; for example, a four year old can understand the basics of reproduction (a man and a woman are needed to create a baby), whereas a 7 year-old can grasp the basic concepts of intercourse (the penis goes in a vagina). Answering your child’s questions about sex and porn from such an early age may seem counterintuitive, but research continues to confirm that learning accurate information about sex (including both positive and negative outcomes) does not lead to an increase sexual activity; accurate sex education, however,Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean44:44Sex & Dating With Herpeshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/02/sex-dating-with-herpes/
Fri, 22 Feb 2019 15:34:46 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9287Courtney Brame joins Jess and Brandon to talk about sex, relationships and dating after an STI diagnosis. He shares insights on how to disclose, provides advice on sexual communication and talks about stigma, suicide and self-worth.
Follow Courtney on...
Twitter
Instagram
Check out Courtney's podcast, Something Positive for Positive People here.
Jess was also interviewed about the herpes stigma recently and we’ve included the notes from the interview below.
1. Why is there a stigma around herpes?
Sex is stigmatized and so all potentially negative outcomes of sex are intensely stigmatized. The unnecessary suffering that sometimes accompanies herpes is ultimately because of the stigma — not the virus itself.
Herpes seems to hold a special stigma that is not proportionate to its health risk. In terms of health, most people with herpes have nothing to worry about. Outbreaks are often rare, decrease with time and can be relived and surpassed with antiviral medication. You do want to take precaution when having sex (herpes can increase the risk of HIV transmission and be a risk when pregnant), but overall, it need not have a significant impact on your (sex) life since we all should be practicing safer sex.
Part of the stigma is reinforced by herpes jokes that don’t seem to apply to other STIs.
2. What steps can one take to alleviate the shame and depression that often accompany a diagnosis?
Know that you’re perfectly normal — and healthy! People contract bacterial and viral infections all the time (the common cold, flu, etc.) and they don’t hang their head in shame. It’s absurd that we see sexually transmitted infections as remarkably different from the ones that occur from not washing your hands properly after riding the subway.
I have a client who takes pride in smashing stereotypes and tells dates about her herpes when they first meet. She shares stats to normalize the conversation (1 in 5 Americans have it) and is armed with accurate information about its transmission (medication can reduce breakouts and transmission).
When you share the fact that you have an STI, know that their reaction is really a reflection of their own knowledge and comfort (or lack thereof) and not a reflection of their feelings toward you. If they are judgmental, fearful or express hurtful rejection, it’s likely a matter of their own discomfort (with sex generally - we stigmatize STIs that are easier to treat than the common cold) or lack of knowledge. I know it shouldn’t be your job to educate people, but it can help the conversation to unfold more smoothly if you provide accurate info about transmission, management and treatment. Many of the clients I work with say that the majority of their experiences have been positive - they’ve been met with positive responses from new lovers who appreciate and learn from their honesty.
3. If you don't have herpes, what are some things you can do to help disempower the stigma? What are some things you'd suggest saying to a friend who's been diagnosed?
Stop making herpes jokes. We’re all guilty of this. If you look back at homophobic jokes in movies from 10-20 years ago, it seems shameful. Hopefully we can convince filmmakers to cut out the herpes jokes as well so that we’ll look back and see how ridiculous, harmful and unfunny they really were.
If a friend shares their diagnosis…
Don’t ask prying questions (how did you get it? do you have an outbreak now? who gave it to you?)
Do research on your own. If you have questions, turn to reliable online resources (https://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/default.htm, http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/stdsstis/herpes/) and don’t expect your friend to educate you or answer all of your questions.
Ask them what you can do to help. Do they want you to look for resources? Do they have questions you can help with
Don’t tell other people. It’s up to them to share their health status with others at their discretion.
Courtney Brame joins Jess and Brandon to talk about sex, relationships and dating after an STI diagnosis. He shares insights on how to disclose, provides advice on sexual communication and talks about stigma, suicide and self-worth. - Courtney Brame joins Jess and Brandon to talk about sex, relationships and dating after an STI diagnosis. He shares insights on how to disclose, provides advice on sexual communication and talks about stigma, suicide and self-worth.<br />
<br />
Follow Courtney on...<br />
<br />
Twitter<br />
<br />
Instagram<br />
<br />
Check out Courtney's podcast, Something Positive for Positive People here.<br />
<br />
Jess was also interviewed about the herpes stigma recently and we’ve included the notes from the interview below.<br />
<br />
1. Why is there a stigma around herpes?<br />
<br />
Sex is stigmatized and so all potentially negative outcomes of sex are intensely stigmatized. The unnecessary suffering that sometimes accompanies herpes is ultimately because of the stigma — not the virus itself.<br />
<br />
Herpes seems to hold a special stigma that is not proportionate to its health risk. In terms of health, most people with herpes have nothing to worry about. Outbreaks are often rare, decrease with time and can be relived and surpassed with antiviral medication. You do want to take precaution when having sex (herpes can increase the risk of HIV transmission and be a risk when pregnant), but overall, it need not have a significant impact on your (sex) life since we all should be practicing safer sex.<br />
<br />
Part of the stigma is reinforced by herpes jokes that don’t seem to apply to other STIs.<br />
<br />
2. What steps can one take to alleviate the shame and depression that often accompany a diagnosis?<br />
<br />
Know that you’re perfectly normal — and healthy! People contract bacterial and viral infections all the time (the common cold, flu, etc.) and they don’t hang their head in shame. It’s absurd that we see sexually transmitted infections as remarkably different from the ones that occur from not washing your hands properly after riding the subway.<br />
<br />
I have a client who takes pride in smashing stereotypes and tells dates about her herpes when they first meet. She shares stats to normalize the conversation (1 in 5 Americans have it) and is armed with accurate information about its transmission (medication can reduce breakouts and transmission).<br />
<br />
When you share the fact that you have an STI, know that their reaction is really a reflection of their own knowledge and comfort (or lack thereof) and not a reflection of their feelings toward you. If they are judgmental, fearful or express hurtful rejection, it’s likely a matter of their own discomfort (with sex generally - we stigmatize STIs that are easier to treat than the common cold) or lack of knowledge. I know it shouldn’t be your job to educate people, but it can help the conversation to unfold more smoothly if you provide accurate info about transmission, management and treatment. Many of the clients I work with say that the majority of their experiences have been positive - they’ve been met with positive responses from new lovers who appreciate and learn from their honesty.<br />
<br />
3. If you don't have herpes, what are some things you can do to help disempower the stigma? What are some things you'd suggest saying to a friend who's been diagnosed?<br />
<br />
Stop making herpes jokes. We’re all guilty of this. If you look back at homophobic jokes in movies from 10-20 years ago, it seems shameful. Hopefully we can convince filmmakers to cut out the herpes jokes as well so that we’ll look back and see how ridiculous, harmful and unfunny they really were.<br />
<br />
If a friend shares their diagnosis…<br />
<br />
Don’t ask prying questions (how did you get it? do you have an outbreak now? who gave it to you?)<br />
Do research on your own. If you have questions, turn to reliable online resources (https://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/default.htm, http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/stdsstis/herpes/) and don’t expect your friend to educate you or answer all of your questions.<br />
Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean43:08Dating Dilemmahttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/02/dating-dilemma/
Fri, 08 Feb 2019 14:43:20 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9231What should you do if your partner says one thing, but does another? How do you talk about the fact that they're avoiding sex? How do you address social media behaviour that makes you uncomfortable? Jess and Brandon talk to Canadian dater, Katrina, about her dating dilemmas.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.What should you do if your partner says one thing, but does another? How do you talk about the fact that they're avoiding sex? How do you address social media behaviour that makes you uncomfortable? Jess and Brandon talk to Canadian dater, Katrina,What should you do if your partner says one thing, but does another? How do you talk about the fact that they're avoiding sex? How do you address social media behaviour that makes you uncomfortable? Jess and Brandon talk to Canadian dater, Katrina, about her dating dilemmas.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean30:15Celebrity Relationship Advice – Good, Bad & Uglyhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/02/celebrity-relationship-advice-good-bad-ugly/
Fri, 01 Feb 2019 14:00:06 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9203Steve Harvey says you should act like a lady & think like a man. Taylor Swift suggests playing games. Jada Pinkett-Smith says she’s nobody’s watcher. Adam Levine claims you should always let a woman believe she is right. Dr. Nikki Coleman joins Jess and Brandon to dissect celebrity relationship advice and address how we can use their insights to improve our own relationships.
Follow Dr. Nikki on...
Facebook
Twitter
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Steve Harvey says you should act like a lady & think like a man. Taylor Swift suggests playing games. Jada Pinkett-Smith says she’s nobody’s watcher. Adam Levine claims you should always let a woman believe she is right. Dr.Steve Harvey says you should act like a lady & think like a man. Taylor Swift suggests playing games. Jada Pinkett-Smith says she’s nobody’s watcher. Adam Levine claims you should always let a woman believe she is right. Dr. Nikki Coleman joins Jess and Brandon to dissect celebrity relationship advice and address how we can use their insights to improve our own relationships.<br />
<br />
Follow Dr. Nikki on...<br />
<br />
Facebook<br />
<br />
Twitter<br />
<br />
Instagram<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean1:01:44Getting Naked For Love!https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/01/getting-naked-for-love/
Fri, 18 Jan 2019 14:17:37 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9151Do you love your body? Loving your body is a radical statement in a culture and economy that feeds on body insecurity. Jess and Brandon want you to love your body, so they're sharing stories, insights and tips on how getting naked can improve your relationship and revolutionize your life.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Do you love your body? Loving your body is a radical statement in a culture and economy that feeds on body insecurity. Jess and Brandon want you to love your body, so they're sharing stories, insights and tips on how getting naked can improve your rela...Do you love your body? Loving your body is a radical statement in a culture and economy that feeds on body insecurity. Jess and Brandon want you to love your body, so they're sharing stories, insights and tips on how getting naked can improve your relationship and revolutionize your life.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean39:29How To Use Gratitude To Improve Relationshipshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/01/how-to-use-gratitude-to-improve-relationships/
Mon, 14 Jan 2019 20:55:22 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9125Jess and Brandon discuss how they’re feeling in light of their dog’s cancer diagnosis and talk about the role gratitude plays in their lives and relationships. They share five specific strategies for being more grateful in life and marriage.
As mentioned in this episode, check out Jess' video course: Mindful Sex: Deeper Connection, Intimacy and Pleasure
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Jess and Brandon discuss how they’re feeling in light of their dog’s cancer diagnosis and talk about the role gratitude plays in their lives and relationships. They share five specific strategies for being more grateful in life and marriage. - Jess and Brandon discuss how they’re feeling in light of their dog’s cancer diagnosis and talk about the role gratitude plays in their lives and relationships. They share five specific strategies for being more grateful in life and marriage.<br />
<br />
As mentioned in this episode, check out Jess' video course: Mindful Sex: Deeper Connection, Intimacy and Pleasure <br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean36:05Listener Questions on Hygiene, Sexual Compatibility & How to Be the *Best* He’s Ever Hadhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2019/01/listener-questions-on-hygiene-sexual-compatibility-how-to-be-the-best-hes-ever-had/
Fri, 04 Jan 2019 17:02:13 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9115How can I ensure I’m the BEST he’s ever had? How do we know if we’re sexually compatible? How do I bring up hygiene before oral sex? How can I make sure our sex life is “fair”? Jess and Brandon tackle these listener questions in the first episode of 2019.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.How can I ensure I’m the BEST he’s ever had? How do we know if we’re sexually compatible? How do I bring up hygiene before oral sex? How can I make sure our sex life is “fair”? Jess and Brandon tackle these listener questions in the first episode of 20...How can I ensure I’m the BEST he’s ever had? How do we know if we’re sexually compatible? How do I bring up hygiene before oral sex? How can I make sure our sex life is “fair”? Jess and Brandon tackle these listener questions in the first episode of 2019.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean27:34The Best Gift Ever (For Your Lover)https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/12/the-best-gift-ever-for-your-lover/
Fri, 21 Dec 2018 18:23:39 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9045Jess and Brandon talk about love languages, the holidays and their reaction to “You May Want To Marry My Husband”. They also share the dating profiles they wrote for one another and why they love this activity. This is an exercise you can try with your partner and it makes the ultimate holiday gift — it’s free and it keeps on giving!
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Jess and Brandon talk about love languages, the holidays and their reaction to “You May Want To Marry My Husband”. They also share the dating profiles they wrote for one another and why they love this activity.Jess and Brandon talk about love languages, the holidays and their reaction to “You May Want To Marry My Husband”. They also share the dating profiles they wrote for one another and why they love this activity. This is an exercise you can try with your partner and it makes the ultimate holiday gift — it’s free and it keeps on giving!<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean30:05Holiday Harmony Tipshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/12/holiday-harmony-tips/
Fri, 14 Dec 2018 14:00:37 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=9029Jess and Brandon answer listener questions about how to have a happier relationship this holiday season.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Jess and Brandon answer listener questions about how to have a happier relationship this holiday season. - This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Jess and Brandon answer listener questions about how to have a happier relationship this holiday season.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean33:41Touch-Workshops, Couples “Cruising” and an Alternative View of Swinginghttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/12/touch-workshops-couples-cruising-an-alternative-view-of-swinging/
Fri, 07 Dec 2018 05:00:54 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8985They sold everything and moved to Mexico. They’ve touched over 6000 people. And they’ve been swingers from the start. Lauren and Richard, from the Room 77 Podcast, chat with Jess and Brandon about their relationship, unique lifestyle and their sexual experiences.
Have a listen via the link above and check out the summary of this episode’s key messages below:
1. Don’t wait to talk about what you want. If something is important to you, speak up from the onset. You don’t have to wait until the 5th or 50th date to open up, as dating rules are relics of the past. If you’re hoping to lure someone in before disclosing important information about your preferences and desires, it will likely cause more damage to the relationship in the long-run.
2. Selfish lovers can be the best lovers. Almost everyone is turned on by their partner’s pleasure and arousal, so don’t be afraid to ask for what you want! If you have trouble receiving pleasure or want to overcome performance pressure, you may want to consider mindfulness approaches to enhance your experience — and your partner’s.
3. You don’t have to want the same things to be compatible, but you do need to be open to learning about your partner’s desires without judgment. You can always find common ground — if you have an open mind.
4. Swinging can be about friendship, but for some people it’s just about sex and that’s okay. You don’t have to fit your sexual lifestyle into hetero-normative, monogamous-normative versions of love and sex. We don’t need hierarchies of relationships — in or out of the lifestyle.
5. If you have the opportunity to watch live sex (with consent), it can be a moving and revolutionary experience. In the absence of comprehensive sex education, most people turn to porn to learn about sex, but it’s not intended as an educational tool. Porn is intended to titillate and entertain and many of the messages
6. Pressure is the antithesis to pleasure. If you get hung up on a goal (e.g. orgasm), it is likely to detract from the experience. Lauren’s advice: just relax and have fun. If you have an orgasm — great! If not, hopefully you experience pleasure, connection or another benefit of touching and exploring with a partner.
7. If you’re going to make a statement about sex remember that it’s based on your experience — not expertise. Just because something applies in your case or your relationship doesn’t mean it can be generalized to the masses.
8. Mutual masturbation may be intimidating, but it’s powerful experience. If you feel awkward, you’re not alone, as masturbation is likely something you’ve done in private for your entire life. Many of us were also raised to do so with shame and secrecy for fear of being “caught”. Some strategies to overcome your awkwardness:
Try it on the phone first. Describe what you’re doing to ease yourself in to being watched in person
Do it in the dark or under the covers; it can be hot to be watched, but you may not want to be studied, as this makes many people feel self-conscious.
Touch one another while you’re touching yourselves. Even a hand on the thigh or a few warm kisses can help you to feel connected and safe during any sex act.
Don’t feel the need to “get off”; you can engage in masturbation without the goal of orgasm.
9. Check out the work of other great sex educators Jess met at Sex Down South:
Marla Renee Stewart
Honestly Nae
Dr. Annod Right
Tanya Bass
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.They sold everything and moved to Mexico. They’ve touched over 6000 people. And they’ve been swingers from the start. Lauren and Richard, from the Room 77 Podcast, chat with Jess and Brandon about their relationship,They sold everything and moved to Mexico. They’ve touched over 6000 people. And they’ve been swingers from the start. Lauren and Richard, from the Room 77 Podcast, chat with Jess and Brandon about their relationship, unique lifestyle and their sexual experiences.<br />
<br />
Have a listen via the link above and check out the summary of this episode’s key messages below:<br />
<br />
1. Don’t wait to talk about what you want. If something is important to you, speak up from the onset. You don’t have to wait until the 5th or 50th date to open up, as dating rules are relics of the past. If you’re hoping to lure someone in before disclosing important information about your preferences and desires, it will likely cause more damage to the relationship in the long-run.<br />
<br />
2. Selfish lovers can be the best lovers. Almost everyone is turned on by their partner’s pleasure and arousal, so don’t be afraid to ask for what you want! If you have trouble receiving pleasure or want to overcome performance pressure, you may want to consider mindfulness approaches to enhance your experience — and your partner’s.<br />
<br />
3. You don’t have to want the same things to be compatible, but you do need to be open to learning about your partner’s desires without judgment. You can always find common ground — if you have an open mind.<br />
<br />
4. Swinging can be about friendship, but for some people it’s just about sex and that’s okay. You don’t have to fit your sexual lifestyle into hetero-normative, monogamous-normative versions of love and sex. We don’t need hierarchies of relationships — in or out of the lifestyle.<br />
<br />
5. If you have the opportunity to watch live sex (with consent), it can be a moving and revolutionary experience. In the absence of comprehensive sex education, most people turn to porn to learn about sex, but it’s not intended as an educational tool. Porn is intended to titillate and entertain and many of the messages<br />
<br />
6. Pressure is the antithesis to pleasure. If you get hung up on a goal (e.g. orgasm), it is likely to detract from the experience. Lauren’s advice: just relax and have fun. If you have an orgasm — great! If not, hopefully you experience pleasure, connection or another benefit of touching and exploring with a partner.<br />
<br />
7. If you’re going to make a statement about sex remember that it’s based on your experience — not expertise. Just because something applies in your case or your relationship doesn’t mean it can be generalized to the masses.<br />
<br />
8. Mutual masturbation may be intimidating, but it’s powerful experience. If you feel awkward, you’re not alone, as masturbation is likely something you’ve done in private for your entire life. Many of us were also raised to do so with shame and secrecy for fear of being “caught”. Some strategies to overcome your awkwardness:<br />
<br />
Try it on the phone first. Describe what you’re doing to ease yourself in to being watched in person<br />
Do it in the dark or under the covers; it can be hot to be watched, but you may not want to be studied, as this makes many people feel self-conscious.<br />
Touch one another while you’re touching yourselves. Even a hand on the thigh or a few warm kisses can help you to feel connected and safe during any sex act.<br />
Don’t feel the need to “get off”; you can engage in masturbation without the goal of orgasm.<br />
<br />
9. Check out the work of other great sex educators Jess met at Sex Down South:<br />
<br />
Marla Renee Stewart<br />
Honestly Nae<br />
Dr. Annod Right<br />
Tanya Bass <br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean40:37Q&A with the Relationship Nursehttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/11/qa-with-the-relationship-nurse/
Fri, 30 Nov 2018 05:00:17 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8966LaDonna Wright, creator of the adult game, Secret VII, joins Jess to address relationships and sexual health questions.
Secret VII can be purchased here or on Amazon.
Follow LaDonna on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.LaDonna Wright, creator of the adult game, Secret VII, joins Jess to address relationships and sexual health questions. - Secret VII can be purchased here or on Amazon. - Follow LaDonna on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. - LaDonna Wright, creator of the adult game, Secret VII, joins Jess to address relationships and sexual health questions.<br />
<br />
Secret VII can be purchased here or on Amazon.<br />
<br />
Follow LaDonna on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean29:47Adult Film Star Kendra Lust on Confidence & Modern Relationshipshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/11/adult-film-star-kendra-lust-on-confidence-modern-relationships/
Fri, 23 Nov 2018 18:31:24 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8937Former Registered Nurse and Award-Winning Adult Film Star Kendra Lust shares insights and lessons on sexual confidence, working in porn, and how to have a lasting, happy marriage.
Follow Kendra on...
Instagram
Twitter
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Former Registered Nurse and Award-Winning Adult Film Star Kendra Lust shares insights and lessons on sexual confidence, working in porn, and how to have a lasting, happy marriage. - Follow Kendra on... - Instagram - Twitter - Former Registered Nurse and Award-Winning Adult Film Star Kendra Lust shares insights and lessons on sexual confidence, working in porn, and how to have a lasting, happy marriage.<br />
<br />
Follow Kendra on...<br />
<br />
Instagram<br />
<br />
Twitter<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean38:52Sex & Cannabishttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/11/sex-cannabis/
Fri, 16 Nov 2018 05:00:28 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8885Are you curious about sex and cannabis? Do you understand between the difference between THC and CBD? And did you know that you can experience cannabis pleasure without getting “high”? Cannasexual, Ashley Manta, joins us and teaches us that we have a lot to learn.
Follow Ashley on...
Twitter
Facebook
Instagram
Also check Ashley's online course, "The Ten Commandments of Hand Sex", available for purchase right now!
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.
Are you curious about sex and cannabis? Do you understand between the difference between THC and CBD? And did you know that you can experience cannabis pleasure without getting “high”? Cannasexual, Ashley Manta,Are you curious about sex and cannabis? Do you understand between the difference between THC and CBD? And did you know that you can experience cannabis pleasure without getting “high”? Cannasexual, Ashley Manta, joins us and teaches us that we have a lot to learn.<br />
<br />
Follow Ashley on...<br />
<br />
Twitter<br />
<br />
Facebook<br />
<br />
Instagram<br />
<br />
Also check Ashley's online course, "The Ten Commandments of Hand Sex", available for purchase right now!<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.<br />
<br />
Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean31:08A Glimpse Into Jess & Brandon’s Relationship – Part IIhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/11/a-glimpse-into-jess-brandons-relationship-part-ii/
Fri, 09 Nov 2018 17:44:14 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8855Jess and Brandon continue the “partner interview” and share details about their greatest fears, fondest memories, where they hope to be in ten years and what they’re working on in terms of self-development.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Jess and Brandon continue the “partner interview” and share details about their greatest fears, fondest memories, where they hope to be in ten years and what they’re working on in terms of self-development. - Jess and Brandon continue the “partner interview” and share details about their greatest fears, fondest memories, where they hope to be in ten years and what they’re working on in terms of self-development.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean38:33A Glimpse Into Jess and Brandon’s Relationship – Part Ihttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/11/a-glimpse-into-jess-and-brandons-relationship-part-i/
Fri, 02 Nov 2018 04:00:02 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8808Jess and Brandon interview one another in an attempt to better understand their own relationship. They talk about their initial attraction and what they want to work on in their relationship. This is part one of the “Lover’s Interview”.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.
One of the best parts of my job involves facilitating workshops on relationships, communication, and sex — both online and in-person. I swear I do more learning than teaching and I love receiving feedback from participants — especially when they report that an activity or course positively affects their self-esteem and/or relationships.
One of the most popular in-session activities for couples involves The Partner Interview, which almost always receives rave reviews.
This exercise involves a very simple set of questions that you take turn answering with your lover. Here are just a few reasons why my clients and I love it:
You can repeat it every few months and learn something new every time.
It opens up new conversations.
You can add your own questions to suit your personal needs.
Even if you don’t use all the information right away, you’ll find that your partner’s answers will come in handy down the road.
Brandon and I answered the first five questions in the podcast above and we walk through the second half of the questions in part II of the podcast here.
If you want to try it for yourself, read through the questions below and take turns answering them with your partner. Alternate who answers each question first (e.g. if you answer #1 first, they answer #2 first) and consider sitting face-to-face if you’re comfortable doing so.
Turn off all electronic devices so you’re not distracted by the dings and pings of your phone, tablet or laptop. (Brandon and I didn’t have this option since we were recording and we’ve decided to take the discussion offline this weekend so that we can reap the full rewards of this activity.)
Do your best to answer the questions as honestly as possible and listen intently to your partner’s contributions. If you have trouble answering a question, you can pass. You may want to reflect on why some questions are difficult to answer and follow-up a few days later.
You can download the Partner Interview here and the questions are posted below:
Name/describe one thing you really appreciate about our relationship.
What first attracted you to me?
When do you feel closest to me?
If I were to initiate sex tomorrow night, how would you like me to do it?
What’s one thing you’d like to work on in our sexual relationship?
What’s your greatest fear?
What’s your fondest memory?
What are YOU working on in your life right now and how can I support?
Where do you see our lives together 10 years from now?
Describe your perfect day.
Set aside 30-45 minutes to complete this exercise and whatever you do, don’t be too hard on yourself or your partner. Talking about relationships and sex isn’t always easy to do!
If you prefer, you can work your way through these questions 1-2 at a time. Rather than talking about your kids, work or plans, dig a little deeper.
I hope you derive as many benefits from this activity as Brandon and I did.
XOXOJess and Brandon interview one another in an attempt to better understand their own relationship. They talk about their initial attraction and what they want to work on in their relationship. This is part one of the “Lover’s Interview”. - Jess and Brandon interview one another in an attempt to better understand their own relationship. They talk about their initial attraction and what they want to work on in their relationship. This is part one of the “Lover’s Interview”.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.<br />
<br />
One of the best parts of my job involves facilitating workshops on relationships, communication, and sex — both online and in-person. I swear I do more learning than teaching and I love receiving feedback from participants — especially when they report that an activity or course positively affects their self-esteem and/or relationships.<br />
<br />
One of the most popular in-session activities for couples involves The Partner Interview, which almost always receives rave reviews.<br />
<br />
This exercise involves a very simple set of questions that you take turn answering with your lover. Here are just a few reasons why my clients and I love it:<br />
<br />
You can repeat it every few months and learn something new every time.<br />
It opens up new conversations.<br />
You can add your own questions to suit your personal needs.<br />
Even if you don’t use all the information right away, you’ll find that your partner’s answers will come in handy down the road.<br />
<br />
Brandon and I answered the first five questions in the podcast above and we walk through the second half of the questions in part II of the podcast here.<br />
<br />
If you want to try it for yourself, read through the questions below and take turns answering them with your partner. Alternate who answers each question first (e.g. if you answer #1 first, they answer #2 first) and consider sitting face-to-face if you’re comfortable doing so.<br />
<br />
Turn off all electronic devices so you’re not distracted by the dings and pings of your phone, tablet or laptop. (Brandon and I didn’t have this option since we were recording and we’ve decided to take the discussion offline this weekend so that we can reap the full rewards of this activity.)<br />
<br />
Do your best to answer the questions as honestly as possible and listen intently to your partner’s contributions. If you have trouble answering a question, you can pass. You may want to reflect on why some questions are difficult to answer and follow-up a few days later.<br />
<br />
You can download the Partner Interview here and the questions are posted below:<br />
<br />
Name/describe one thing you really appreciate about our relationship.<br />
What first attracted you to me?<br />
When do you feel closest to me?<br />
If I were to initiate sex tomorrow night, how would you like me to do it?<br />
What’s one thing you’d like to work on in our sexual relationship?<br />
What’s your greatest fear?<br />
What’s your fondest memory?<br />
What are YOU working on in your life right now and how can I support?<br />
Where do you see our lives together 10 years from now?<br />
Describe your perfect day.<br />
<br />
Set aside 30-45 minutes to complete this exercise and whatever you do, don’t be too hard on yourself or your partner. Talking about relationships and sex isn’t always easy to do!<br />
<br />
If you prefer, you can work your way through these questions 1-2 at a time. Rather than talking about your kids, work or plans, dig a little deeper.<br />
<br />
I hope you derive as many benefits from this activity as Brandon and I did.<br />
<br />
XOXODr. Jessica O'Reillyclean34:19All About Polyamoryhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/10/all-about-polyamory/
Fri, 26 Oct 2018 04:00:59 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8781Is polyamory on the rise? Are throuples the new norm? And what’s the difference between polyfidelity, non-hierarchical polyamory, and relationship anarchy? Jenny Yuen, author of Polyamorous, joins Jess to share her personal experiences and professional insights on consensual non-monogamy.
Follow Jenny on...
Instagram
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Be sure to check out the 'Toronto Lit Up' book launch for Polyamorous happening on November 16th at Type Books.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Is polyamory on the rise? Are throuples the new norm? And what’s the difference between polyfidelity, non-hierarchical polyamory, and relationship anarchy? Jenny Yuen, author of Polyamorous, joins Jess to share her personal experiences and professiona...Is polyamory on the rise? Are throuples the new norm? And what’s the difference between polyfidelity, non-hierarchical polyamory, and relationship anarchy? Jenny Yuen, author of Polyamorous, joins Jess to share her personal experiences and professional insights on consensual non-monogamy.<br />
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Be sure to check out the 'Toronto Lit Up' book launch for Polyamorous happening on November 16th at Type Books.<br />
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean41:05Face-Sitting 101https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/10/face-sitting-101/
Fri, 19 Oct 2018 04:00:57 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8771Dee H. Black & Ladyee Vee join Jess in Atlanta to talk about their interactive Face-Sitting workshops. They share tips and techniques for this powerful sex act as well as insights into why it is gaining popularity.
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dee H. Black & Ladyee Vee join Jess in Atlanta to talk about their interactive Face-Sitting workshops. They share tips and techniques for this powerful sex act as well as insights into why it is gaining popularity. - Dee H. Black & Ladyee Vee join Jess in Atlanta to talk about their interactive Face-Sitting workshops. They share tips and techniques for this powerful sex act as well as insights into why it is gaining popularity.<br />
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean40:32Secrets of a Phone Sex Operatorhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/10/secrets-of-a-phone-sex-operator/
Fri, 12 Oct 2018 04:00:53 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8732Sex educator Domina Franco, a former semi-pro wrestler and phone sex operator, joins Jess and Brandon at The Sex Expo in Brooklyn. They discuss phone sex, Dominance, submission, dirty talk and how to make sex more exciting and authentic.
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Sex educator Domina Franco, a former semi-pro wrestler and phone sex operator, joins Jess and Brandon at The Sex Expo in Brooklyn. They discuss phone sex, Dominance, submission, dirty talk and how to make sex more exciting and authentic. - Sex educator Domina Franco, a former semi-pro wrestler and phone sex operator, joins Jess and Brandon at The Sex Expo in Brooklyn. They discuss phone sex, Dominance, submission, dirty talk and how to make sex more exciting and authentic.<br />
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean38:15Killing Kittens Sex Partyhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/10/killing-kittens-sex-party/
Fri, 05 Oct 2018 04:00:35 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8709Are you curious about sex parties? What can you expect from a woman-focused sex party experience? Do you have to get naked and/or have sex? And what’s up with the name, Killing Kittens, anyway? Founder Emma Sayle, joins Jess and Brandon to share her story right before they attend their very first Killing Kittens party in New York.
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Are you curious about sex parties? What can you expect from a woman-focused sex party experience? Do you have to get naked and/or have sex? And what’s up with the name, Killing Kittens, anyway? Founder Emma Sayle,Are you curious about sex parties? What can you expect from a woman-focused sex party experience? Do you have to get naked and/or have sex? And what’s up with the name, Killing Kittens, anyway? Founder Emma Sayle, joins Jess and Brandon to share her story right before they attend their very first Killing Kittens party in New York.<br />
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean28:35Getting Kinky With Bexhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/09/getting-kinky-with-bex/
Fri, 28 Sep 2018 04:00:45 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8684What is kinky sex? What goes down at kink camp? And how can you kink up your sex life? Bex Caputo joins Jess and Brandon to share his experience, insight, and expertise. Bex has been a proud and undeniable kinkster ever since he insisted on being served his meals in a dog bowl at the age of 8, so he knows his stuff!
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You can also check out Bex's podcast (with Kate Sloan), The Dildorks.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.
What is kinky sex? What goes down at kink camp? And how can you kink up your sex life? Bex Caputo joins Jess and Brandon to share his experience, insight, and expertise. Bex has been a proud and undeniable kinkster ever since he insisted on being serve...What is kinky sex? What goes down at kink camp? And how can you kink up your sex life? Bex Caputo joins Jess and Brandon to share his experience, insight, and expertise. Bex has been a proud and undeniable kinkster ever since he insisted on being served his meals in a dog bowl at the age of 8, so he knows his stuff!<br />
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You can also check out Bex's podcast (with Kate Sloan), The Dildorks.<br />
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.<br />
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Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean35:46A Bisexual Couple’s Storyhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/09/a-bisexual-couples-story/
Fri, 21 Sep 2018 04:00:42 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8647What is the bisexual double-standard? How does erasure affect bisexuals? And how does bisexuality work in the Swing Lifestyle? Angelique and John join Jess to discuss their experiences as a bisexual couple.
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.What is the bisexual double-standard? How does erasure affect bisexuals? And how does bisexuality work in the Swing Lifestyle? Angelique and John join Jess to discuss their experiences as a bisexual couple. - Follow Angelique on... - Facebook - What is the bisexual double-standard? How does erasure affect bisexuals? And how does bisexuality work in the Swing Lifestyle? Angelique and John join Jess to discuss their experiences as a bisexual couple.<br />
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean34:13All About Tantra (Bringing Dr. Jess to Tears)https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/09/all-about-tantra-bringing-dr-jess-to-tears/
Fri, 14 Sep 2018 13:00:16 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8596Amina Peterson joins Jess to discuss the practice and philosophy of tantra. What is tantric breathing and meditation? How can a body scan improve your sex life an overall well-being? It’s not all about sex, but sex is certainly enhanced by the practice. Amina closes the episode with a brief body scan that moves Jess to a state of deep vulnerability.
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Amina Peterson joins Jess to discuss the practice and philosophy of tantra. What is tantric breathing and meditation? How can a body scan improve your sex life an overall well-being? It’s not all about sex,Amina Peterson joins Jess to discuss the practice and philosophy of tantra. What is tantric breathing and meditation? How can a body scan improve your sex life an overall well-being? It’s not all about sex, but sex is certainly enhanced by the practice. Amina closes the episode with a brief body scan that moves Jess to a state of deep vulnerability.<br />
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean52:24Sexuality & Gender Terms Definedhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/09/sexual-identity-terms-and-why-they-matter/
Fri, 07 Sep 2018 04:00:08 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8576Pansexual. Cisgender. Sapiosexual. Gender Queer. Gender Fluid. Agender. Aromantic. Demisexual. Gender Non-confirming. Transgender. Award-winning activist, Aida Manduley, joins Jess on the podcast to discuss terminology related to sex and gender. Which terms are appropriate and which are not? And how we can celebrate inclusion and learn from our own mistakes. Listen below to learn more!
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Check out these links that will help you become more familiar with various sexual pronouns...
Practice With Pronouns
Minus 18
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.
Pansexual. Cisgender. Sapiosexual. Gender Queer. Gender Fluid. Agender. Aromantic. Demisexual. Gender Non-confirming. Transgender. Award-winning activist, Aida Manduley, joins Jess on the podcast to discuss terminology related to sex and gender.Pansexual. Cisgender. Sapiosexual. Gender Queer. Gender Fluid. Agender. Aromantic. Demisexual. Gender Non-confirming. Transgender. Award-winning activist, Aida Manduley, joins Jess on the podcast to discuss terminology related to sex and gender. Which terms are appropriate and which are not? And how we can celebrate inclusion and learn from our own mistakes. Listen below to learn more!<br />
<br />
Follow Aida on...<br />
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Check out these links that will help you become more familiar with various sexual pronouns...<br />
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Practice With Pronouns<br />
<br />
Minus 18<br />
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.<br />
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Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean56:18What Can We Learn From Celebrity Relationships?https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/08/what-can-we-learn-from-celebrity-relationships/
Fri, 31 Aug 2018 13:22:21 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8551Are on-again-off-again relationships healthy? How can we break bad relationship habits? How do you recover after cheating? And how do you know if your work crush is crossing the line? Therapists Eboni Harris & Eliza Boquin join Jess to share their insights on these topics and more. They’ve got some great advice so make sure you tune in!
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Are on-again-off-again relationships healthy? How can we break bad relationship habits? How do you recover after cheating? And how do you know if your work crush is crossing the line? Therapists Eboni Harris & Eliza Boquin join Jess to share their insi...Are on-again-off-again relationships healthy? How can we break bad relationship habits? How do you recover after cheating? And how do you know if your work crush is crossing the line? Therapists Eboni Harris & Eliza Boquin join Jess to share their insights on these topics and more. They’ve got some great advice so make sure you tune in!<br />
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean46:42All About Analhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/08/all-about-anal/
Fri, 24 Aug 2018 16:17:34 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8522If you’re curious about the butt and its potential for pleasure, tune in for lessons in anatomy, pleasure, technique and more!
For more anal sex tips, check this out!
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.
Podcast Transcript
Anal Play
What! what! In the butt!
Your bum is one of the most responsive erogenous zones on your body, so exploring its pleasure potential is a no-brainer. Not only is the anus rich in super-sensitive nerve endings, but it is actually anatomically configured for mind-blowing orgasms for both men and women: the male G-Spot, also known as the prostate, and the female cul-de-sac, that sexy region on the lower vaginal wall, can be stimulated through the back door.
Despite the climax-centered design of the bum, anal sex continues to retain its taboo status...at least in theory. In reality, however, anal sex is quite common. Research suggests that nearly half of men and women have engaged in anal intercourse and orgasm rates are actually higher for women who include anal play in their erotic repertoire. That’s right! Among women who had anal sex during their last encounter, 94 percent had an orgasm versus only 84 percent of those who received oral and 65 percent of those who had vaginal intercourse (National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior conducted by the Center for Sexual Health Promotion, Indiana University)
Couple the powerful potential for orgasm with the thrill of defying one of the most intense and enduring sexual taboos and you have the perfect recipe for spicing up your sex life through the back door! But since the tissue and nerve endings of the anal area are so sensitive, it is essential to follow some basic guidelines to make sure your experience is as hot as possible:
Become acquainted with your bum.
Your butt is a thing of wonder, but since you probably don’t know this nether region like the back of our hand, you’ll want to do some exploring before you venture into the exciting land of anal play.
On the outside, you have a highly responsive pucker (AKA bum hole/anus) that is rich in nerve endings and responsive to light touch. For some people, this is where anal sex begins and ends. There is nothing in the rule book that says that you must include penetration in your anal sex practice. A good exercise for newbies is to enjoy anal play (licking, sucking, massaging, kissing, etc.) with the promise of no penetration to build trust and become familiar with new sensations.
If you do decide to venture inside, you’ll enter the anal canal which is less than a few inches long and rich in highly responsive nerve endings. Comprised of soft tissue folds, this area has a good capacity for expansion and is sensitive to touch, pressure and temperature.
Inside, you’ll find two sphincter muscles, which are ring-like oval structures that help to hold the canal in shape. The next time you’re in the shower and feeling relaxed, gently slide a lubed finger inside to get to know your sphincter muscles. You don’t have to reach great depths to find your sphincter muscles. You’ll feel the external sphincter, which you can contract and release at will (the way you might flex and relax your biceps) less than an inch beyond the opening. The internal sphincter is just a little deeper, but because this smooth muscle ring is controlled by the autonomic nervous system (which manages automatic bodily functions like heartbeat and perspiration), it remains in a state of contraction. You can’t exercise complete control over your internal sphincter, but just as you can slow your heart rate through breathing and mindfulness, so too can you help relax this sensitive muscle through relaxation and deep breaths.
Beyond the anal canal lies the rectum which comprises the lower section of the large intestine. This section curves laterally (from side-to-side) as well as from front-to-back several times and it is wider than the anal canal. Comprised of mucous membrane,If you’re curious about the butt and its potential for pleasure, tune in for lessons in anatomy, pleasure, technique and more! - For more anal sex tips, check this out! - This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Podcast Transcript If you’re curious about the butt and its potential for pleasure, tune in for lessons in anatomy, pleasure, technique and more!<br />
<br />
For more anal sex tips, check this out!<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.<br />
Podcast Transcript<br />
Anal Play<br />
<br />
What! what! In the butt!<br />
<br />
Your bum is one of the most responsive erogenous zones on your body, so exploring its pleasure potential is a no-brainer. Not only is the anus rich in super-sensitive nerve endings, but it is actually anatomically configured for mind-blowing orgasms for both men and women: the male G-Spot, also known as the prostate, and the female cul-de-sac, that sexy region on the lower vaginal wall, can be stimulated through the back door.<br />
<br />
Despite the climax-centered design of the bum, anal sex continues to retain its taboo status...at least in theory. In reality, however, anal sex is quite common. Research suggests that nearly half of men and women have engaged in anal intercourse and orgasm rates are actually higher for women who include anal play in their erotic repertoire. That’s right! Among women who had anal sex during their last encounter, 94 percent had an orgasm versus only 84 percent of those who received oral and 65 percent of those who had vaginal intercourse (National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior conducted by the Center for Sexual Health Promotion, Indiana University)<br />
<br />
Couple the powerful potential for orgasm with the thrill of defying one of the most intense and enduring sexual taboos and you have the perfect recipe for spicing up your sex life through the back door! But since the tissue and nerve endings of the anal area are so sensitive, it is essential to follow some basic guidelines to make sure your experience is as hot as possible:<br />
<br />
Become acquainted with your bum.<br />
<br />
Your butt is a thing of wonder, but since you probably don’t know this nether region like the back of our hand, you’ll want to do some exploring before you venture into the exciting land of anal play.<br />
<br />
On the outside, you have a highly responsive pucker (AKA bum hole/anus) that is rich in nerve endings and responsive to light touch. For some people, this is where anal sex begins and ends. There is nothing in the rule book that says that you must include penetration in your anal sex practice. A good exercise for newbies is to enjoy anal play (licking, sucking, massaging, kissing, etc.) with the promise of no penetration to build trust and become familiar with new sensations.<br />
<br />
If you do decide to venture inside, you’ll enter the anal canal which is less than a few inches long and rich in highly responsive nerve endings. Comprised of soft tissue folds, this area has a good capacity for expansion and is sensitive to touch, pressure and temperature.<br />
<br />
Inside, you’ll find two sphincter muscles, which are ring-like oval structures that help to hold the canal in shape. The next time you’re in the shower and feeling relaxed, gently slide a lubed finger inside to get to know your sphincter muscles. You don’t have to reach great depths to find your sphincter muscles. You’ll feel the external sphincter, which you can contract and release at will (the way you might flex and relax your biceps) less than an inch beyond the opening. The internal sphincter is just a little deeper, but because this smooth muscle ring is controlled by the autonomic nervous system (which manages automatic bodily functions like heartbeat and perspiration), it remains in a state of contraction. You can’t exercise complete control over your internal sphincter, but just as you can slow your heart rate through breathing and mindfulness, so too can you help relax this sensitive muscle through relaxation and deep breaths.<br />
<br />
Beyond the anal canal lies the rectum which comprises the lower section of the large intestine.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean37:17How to be Happy After 51 Years of Marriagehttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/08/how-to-be-happy-after-51-years-of-marriage/
Fri, 17 Aug 2018 19:03:41 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8504Uncle Mike (Captain Lyn - @lyn.mike) joins Jess and Brandon to share his insights on marriage after 51+ years. Have a listen! With age comes wisdom and even if his experience is different than your own, you’ll find pearls of wisdom worth taking to heart.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Uncle Mike (Captain Lyn - @lyn.mike) joins Jess and Brandon to share his insights on marriage after 51+ years. Have a listen! With age comes wisdom and even if his experience is different than your own, you’ll find pearls of wisdom worth taking to hear...Uncle Mike (Captain Lyn - @lyn.mike) joins Jess and Brandon to share his insights on marriage after 51+ years. Have a listen! With age comes wisdom and even if his experience is different than your own, you’ll find pearls of wisdom worth taking to heart.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean30:00How to Talk About Sex, Sex Webcams & More!https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/08/how-to-talk-about-sex-sex-webcams-more/
Fri, 10 Aug 2018 04:00:50 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8488Jess & Brandon model a “how-to-talk-about-sex” conversation in response to a listener’s question — they share their unprepared responses on the spot. They also weigh in on spicing up date night, watching web-cam models, sex clubs, sleeping after sex & how long to wait before having sex with a new partner.
Please find a rough summary of the podcast below. We are working on providing full transcripts for all podcasts.
Welcome to the SexWithDrJess Podcast. I’m Jessica O’Reilly, your friendly neighbourhood sexologist and I’m here with my better half, Brandon Ware.
Today, we’ll be answering listener questions about sex and relationships.
Before we get started, I’d like to thank Desire Resorts for their support and remind you that we’ll be facilitating workshops at both properties in Mexico on October 24-25, 2018. More details can be found here.
Question: I listened to your podcast on sex clubs and we’ve talked about going, but I’m just not there yet. I’m fine with watching porn, but the idea of real live people freaks me out. My girlfriend really wants to go and you always say to take baby steps, so is there something we can try in the meantime until I’m ready?
Just talk about going and play around with the idea. Go to dinner and drive by a club without going in — make out in the car instead. Or talk about all the naughty things you’ll do at a club while having sex at home — with no pressure to follow through in real life.
Not everyone likes sex clubs and you certainly don’t have to visit one if you’re not into it.
Another option…
Sign into an adult webcam room featuring another couple.
This may be a little risque, but more couples are joining in on the fun from the safety of their own bedrooms. Webcam models perform live and you can even make requests if you’d like. The couples I’ve met who visit webcams (often for special occasions) say that they like the spontaneity and the fact that they’re not overproduced like porn. If you’re considering this option, talk to your partner ahead of time to discuss your concerns and desires. Some questions you might want to address:
1. If we do this together, does it mean we can do it alone? Set boundaries and agree on what is acceptable within the confines of your relationship. Don’t worry about what others (including experts) have to say. You decide what is dis/allowed in your own relationship as a team.
2. Are we willing to interact (chat) with the models or just watch?
3. Are you nervous about the experience? What makes you nervous? What can your partner do to assuage your concerns?
4. If you feel uncomfortable at any point, how will you address this? Will you close the computer? Take a break? Use a sign to communicate your discomfort?
5. If you’re using a pay site (many offer free access), what spending limit do you want to set?
Be honest about your desires and boundaries. You are not a prude if you’re not into adult webcams. You don’t have to do everything to have a happy relationship and satisfying sex life.
Question: I saw your story about UberEats as date night and I voted yes on both accounts and I’m wondering what you and Brandon do for date night cuz you look so happy together.
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Question: I saw your post on Instagram about having intense conversations. Can you give me some examples of questions I can ask my...Jess & Brandon model a “how-to-talk-about-sex” conversation in response to a listener’s question — they share their unprepared responses on the spot. They also weigh in on spicing up date night, watching web-cam models, sex clubs,Jess & Brandon model a “how-to-talk-about-sex” conversation in response to a listener’s question — they share their unprepared responses on the spot. They also weigh in on spicing up date night, watching web-cam models, sex clubs, sleeping after sex & how long to wait before having sex with a new partner.<br />
<br />
Please find a rough summary of the podcast below. We are working on providing full transcripts for all podcasts.<br />
<br />
Welcome to the SexWithDrJess Podcast. I’m Jessica O’Reilly, your friendly neighbourhood sexologist and I’m here with my better half, Brandon Ware.<br />
<br />
Today, we’ll be answering listener questions about sex and relationships.<br />
<br />
Before we get started, I’d like to thank Desire Resorts for their support and remind you that we’ll be facilitating workshops at both properties in Mexico on October 24-25, 2018. More details can be found here.<br />
<br />
Question: I listened to your podcast on sex clubs and we’ve talked about going, but I’m just not there yet. I’m fine with watching porn, but the idea of real live people freaks me out. My girlfriend really wants to go and you always say to take baby steps, so is there something we can try in the meantime until I’m ready?<br />
<br />
Just talk about going and play around with the idea. Go to dinner and drive by a club without going in — make out in the car instead. Or talk about all the naughty things you’ll do at a club while having sex at home — with no pressure to follow through in real life.<br />
<br />
Not everyone likes sex clubs and you certainly don’t have to visit one if you’re not into it.<br />
<br />
Another option…<br />
<br />
Sign into an adult webcam room featuring another couple.<br />
<br />
This may be a little risque, but more couples are joining in on the fun from the safety of their own bedrooms. Webcam models perform live and you can even make requests if you’d like. The couples I’ve met who visit webcams (often for special occasions) say that they like the spontaneity and the fact that they’re not overproduced like porn. If you’re considering this option, talk to your partner ahead of time to discuss your concerns and desires. Some questions you might want to address:<br />
<br />
1. If we do this together, does it mean we can do it alone? Set boundaries and agree on what is acceptable within the confines of your relationship. Don’t worry about what others (including experts) have to say. You decide what is dis/allowed in your own relationship as a team.<br />
<br />
2. Are we willing to interact (chat) with the models or just watch?<br />
<br />
3. Are you nervous about the experience? What makes you nervous? What can your partner do to assuage your concerns?<br />
<br />
4. If you feel uncomfortable at any point, how will you address this? Will you close the computer? Take a break? Use a sign to communicate your discomfort?<br />
<br />
5. If you’re using a pay site (many offer free access), what spending limit do you want to set?<br />
<br />
Be honest about your desires and boundaries. You are not a prude if you’re not into adult webcams. You don’t have to do everything to have a happy relationship and satisfying sex life.<br />
<br />
Question: I saw your story about UberEats as date night and I voted yes on both accounts and I’m wondering what you and Brandon do for date night cuz you look so happy together.<br />
<br />
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Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean41:49Single Girl Problemshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/08/single-girl-problems/
Fri, 03 Aug 2018 04:00:07 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8458Single? Dating? Coupled? Whatever your relationship status, it’s time to take responsibility for your own happiness. Andrea Bain, host of the “Single Girl Problems” podcast joins Jess to share insights and advice for both couples and singles.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.
Follow Andrea on...
Twitter
Instagram
Here’s a summary of the dating and relationship advice Jess and Andrea discuss in this podcast:
1. Don’t treat a date like an interview. Do not get hung up on assessing their assets and deficits. Instead, just stay focused on how you're feeling in the moment. How you feel about yourself in the presence of another person is a very good measure of the relationship. Think about it — it applies to your boss, to clients, to work teams, to your parents, your lovers, your siblings. Stop measuring and start feeling. If that sounds too abstract, let me get a bit more specific. Each time you catch yourself assessing a date or analyzing your compatibility, wiggle your toes to distract yourself from those thoughts and come back to the present moment and get in your feelings. Take a breath and feel what’s happening in your tummy or in your body. This is so important for relationships and sex — in general — whether your single and dating or in a relationship. Because we fall into the habit of spectator-ing - instead of enjoying or experiencing the moment, we look in from the outside to see how it’s going like a spectator. In the bedroom, this detracts from pleasure and arousal and actually can lead to sexual issues. In fights, it can be a problem because we focus on winning an argument or telling our partner that they’re doing something wrong instead of focusing on the issue and feelings at hand. When we become a spectator - on a date, at the dinner table or in the bedroom, we can’t be present and if you aren’t being present, you’re not giving your partner or your date what they deserve. So if you catch yourself assessing the situation, cut it out. One breath, a giggle, a joke, a flirtation, a touch of the hand, a sip of wine — do something physical to bring yourself back to the present.
2. I’d love to see all first dates happen in groups. If I was dating right now and I met someone online, I’d invite them to join me on an outing I already had planned with friends — something short and casual like grabbing a drink after work or inviting them to stop into a birthday party I’m already attending, but I like the group date for two reasons: your friends not only influence your relationship (if they like your partner it can have a positive effect on your relationship) and younger folks are doing this — the group dating thing — and I think they have a better approach to relationships - they talk about them more, they aren’t as jaded and they get that what works for their best friend may not work for them. The over 30 crowd doesn’t seem to get this, so let’s learn from the teens and 20 somethings and do the group date thing. I suggested this to a client last summer and they tried it a few times with a few guys they met on Bumble and she’s in a relationship today — almost a year later. It’s one case, but it’s worth giving it a try.
3. Lastly, I’d like to emphasize that I’m a fan of online dating but only because it broadens your pool. I’m certain that it really doesn’t matter how you meet - in person or online because all relationships regardless of how you initially connect can grow into something amazing…but if you’re dating online I also suggest that you date in person and you make an announcement. If you’re single and looking, tell people! Stand up and tell your friends at the dinner table - tell them what you’re looking for and ask them to make introductions.
4. And I have one more thing to say because it’s my podcast so even though I said I had three things I’m changing my mind to four — couples - stop leaving single people out. Invite them along! Include your single friends.Single? Dating? Coupled? Whatever your relationship status, it’s time to take responsibility for your own happiness. Andrea Bain, host of the “Single Girl Problems” podcast joins Jess to share insights and advice for both couples and singles. - Single? Dating? Coupled? Whatever your relationship status, it’s time to take responsibility for your own happiness. Andrea Bain, host of the “Single Girl Problems” podcast joins Jess to share insights and advice for both couples and singles.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.<br />
<br />
Follow Andrea on...<br />
<br />
Twitter<br />
<br />
Instagram<br />
<br />
Here’s a summary of the dating and relationship advice Jess and Andrea discuss in this podcast:<br />
<br />
1. Don’t treat a date like an interview. Do not get hung up on assessing their assets and deficits. Instead, just stay focused on how you're feeling in the moment. How you feel about yourself in the presence of another person is a very good measure of the relationship. Think about it — it applies to your boss, to clients, to work teams, to your parents, your lovers, your siblings. Stop measuring and start feeling. If that sounds too abstract, let me get a bit more specific. Each time you catch yourself assessing a date or analyzing your compatibility, wiggle your toes to distract yourself from those thoughts and come back to the present moment and get in your feelings. Take a breath and feel what’s happening in your tummy or in your body. This is so important for relationships and sex — in general — whether your single and dating or in a relationship. Because we fall into the habit of spectator-ing - instead of enjoying or experiencing the moment, we look in from the outside to see how it’s going like a spectator. In the bedroom, this detracts from pleasure and arousal and actually can lead to sexual issues. In fights, it can be a problem because we focus on winning an argument or telling our partner that they’re doing something wrong instead of focusing on the issue and feelings at hand. When we become a spectator - on a date, at the dinner table or in the bedroom, we can’t be present and if you aren’t being present, you’re not giving your partner or your date what they deserve. So if you catch yourself assessing the situation, cut it out. One breath, a giggle, a joke, a flirtation, a touch of the hand, a sip of wine — do something physical to bring yourself back to the present.<br />
<br />
2. I’d love to see all first dates happen in groups. If I was dating right now and I met someone online, I’d invite them to join me on an outing I already had planned with friends — something short and casual like grabbing a drink after work or inviting them to stop into a birthday party I’m already attending, but I like the group date for two reasons: your friends not only influence your relationship (if they like your partner it can have a positive effect on your relationship) and younger folks are doing this — the group dating thing — and I think they have a better approach to relationships - they talk about them more, they aren’t as jaded and they get that what works for their best friend may not work for them. The over 30 crowd doesn’t seem to get this, so let’s learn from the teens and 20 somethings and do the group date thing. I suggested this to a client last summer and they tried it a few times with a few guys they met on Bumble and she’s in a relationship today — almost a year later. It’s one case, but it’s worth giving it a try.<br />
<br />
3. Lastly, I’d like to emphasize that I’m a fan of online dating but only because it broadens your pool. I’m certain that it really doesn’t matter how you meet - in person or online because all relationships regardless of how you initially connect can grow into something amazing…but if you’re dating online I also suggest that you date in person and you make an announcement. If you’re single and looking, tell people! Stand up and tell your friends at the dinner table - tell them what you’re looking for and ask them to make introductions.<br />
<br />
4. And I have one more thing to say because it’s my podcast so even though I said I had three things I’m changing my mind to fo...Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean51:29Online Infidelityhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/07/online-infidelity/
Fri, 27 Jul 2018 18:03:29 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8436Jess and Brandon share their insights on what constitutes online cheating and how to handle disagreements about chatting with exes and others online.
In another podcast episode, Jess discuss why it's important to talk about infidelity with your partner. Listen here.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Jess and Brandon share their insights on what constitutes online cheating and how to handle disagreements about chatting with exes and others online. - In another podcast episode, Jess discuss why it's important to talk about infidelity with your part...Jess and Brandon share their insights on what constitutes online cheating and how to handle disagreements about chatting with exes and others online.<br />
<br />
In another podcast episode, Jess discuss why it's important to talk about infidelity with your partner. Listen here.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean39:26Sex Q&A: How to Get Your Partner to Open Up, How to Manage Mismatched Libidos, Anal Sex & More!https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/07/how-to-seduce-your-lover-2/
Fri, 20 Jul 2018 14:31:32 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8393Jess and Brandon team up to answer listener questions about anal sex, discrepancies in desire, how to get your partner to talk about fantasies and more. They share personal insights and open up about some of their sexual experiences (even if Brandon doesn’t seem to remember all of them!).
Jess and Brandon take to Instagram Stories to answer some additional questions, check it out below!
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Jess and Brandon team up to answer listener questions about anal sex, discrepancies in desire, how to get your partner to talk about fantasies and more. They share personal insights and open up about some of their sexual experiences (even if Brandon do...Jess and Brandon team up to answer listener questions about anal sex, discrepancies in desire, how to get your partner to talk about fantasies and more. They share personal insights and open up about some of their sexual experiences (even if Brandon doesn’t seem to remember all of them!).<br />
<br />
Jess and Brandon take to Instagram Stories to answer some additional questions, check it out below!<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.<br />
<br />
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean41:07Why We Misread Our Partners & What We Can Do About Ithttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/07/sometimes-we-misread-our-partners-what-can-we-do-about-this/
Fri, 13 Jul 2018 13:00:56 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8371Dr. Liz Powell joins Jess and Brandon to discuss how “hot thoughts” sabotage relationships. They also discuss friendships, gender roles and share personal stories of relationship struggles.
Follow Dr. Liz on...
Twitter
Instagram
Facebook
Check out Dr. Liz's book, Building Open Relationships, here.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Liz Powell joins Jess and Brandon to discuss how “hot thoughts” sabotage relationships. They also discuss friendships, gender roles and share personal stories of relationship struggles. - Follow Dr. Liz on... - Twitter - Instagram - Facebook Dr. Liz Powell joins Jess and Brandon to discuss how “hot thoughts” sabotage relationships. They also discuss friendships, gender roles and share personal stories of relationship struggles.<br />
<br />
Follow Dr. Liz on...<br />
<br />
Twitter<br />
<br />
Instagram<br />
<br />
Facebook<br />
<br />
Check out Dr. Liz's book, Building Open Relationships, here.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean39:11What Do Your Neighbors Fantasize About?https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/07/what-do-your-neighbors-fantasize-about/
Fri, 06 Jul 2018 13:00:25 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8353Are you curious about your friends, co-workers and neighbors’ fantasies? Of course you are! Dr. Justin Lehmiller was curious too, so he asked over 4000 Americans to share their deepest, darkest and most exciting fantasies. He discusses this fascinating research from his latest book, Tell Me What You Want, with Jess in this week’s episode.
Follow Justin on...
Facebook
Twitter
Check out another podcast Jess recorded with Justin about cuckolding and cuckqueening here!
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Are you curious about your friends, co-workers and neighbors’ fantasies? Of course you are! Dr. Justin Lehmiller was curious too, so he asked over 4000 Americans to share their deepest, darkest and most exciting fantasies.Are you curious about your friends, co-workers and neighbors’ fantasies? Of course you are! Dr. Justin Lehmiller was curious too, so he asked over 4000 Americans to share their deepest, darkest and most exciting fantasies. He discusses this fascinating research from his latest book, Tell Me What You Want, with Jess in this week’s episode.<br />
<br />
Follow Justin on...<br />
<br />
Facebook<br />
<br />
Twitter<br />
<br />
Check out another podcast Jess recorded with Justin about cuckolding and cuckqueening here!<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean25:49Stop Looking For A Soulmate!https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/06/stop-looking-for-a-soulmate/
Fri, 29 Jun 2018 15:41:56 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8336Jess & Brandon talk about how the soulmate myth is bad for dating and relationships.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Jess & Brandon talk about how the soulmate myth is bad for dating and relationships. - This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Jess & Brandon talk about how the soulmate myth is bad for dating and relationships.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean28:10Digisexuals, Teledildonics, Relationship Anarchy and Morehttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/06/digisexuals-teledildonics-relationship-anarchy-and-more/
Fri, 22 Jun 2018 13:00:13 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8317Dr. Markie Twist (sex therapist) & Professor Neil McArthur (ethicist) join Jess to discuss various relationship arrangements including relationship anarchy, affectional-only relationships, and non-sexual parenting partners. Markie shares a few of her experiences and Neil weighs in on recent cases. And we almost forgot that Brandon joins them too simply because he was so fascinated by the topic!
Dr. Markie and Jess also collaborated (along with Ruth Neustifter & Francisco Ramirez) to publish a paper addressing the role of entertainment media in sex education. Read more here.
Additionally, they joined forces to discuss the ethics of sex education in Manitoba in 2017 (sponsored by the University of Manitoba’s Centre for Professional and Applied Ethics) and recorded this Facebook Live video in which they address open relationships.
Professor Neil McArthur and Jess have also collaborated on a previous podcast episode to discuss research on sexbots and how they are shaping the future of sex. Listen here!
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Markie Twist (sex therapist) & Professor Neil McArthur (ethicist) join Jess to discuss various relationship arrangements including relationship anarchy, affectional-only relationships, and non-sexual parenting partners.Dr. Markie Twist (sex therapist) & Professor Neil McArthur (ethicist) join Jess to discuss various relationship arrangements including relationship anarchy, affectional-only relationships, and non-sexual parenting partners. Markie shares a few of her experiences and Neil weighs in on recent cases. And we almost forgot that Brandon joins them too simply because he was so fascinated by the topic!<br />
<br />
Dr. Markie and Jess also collaborated (along with Ruth Neustifter & Francisco Ramirez) to publish a paper addressing the role of entertainment media in sex education. Read more here.<br />
<br />
Additionally, they joined forces to discuss the ethics of sex education in Manitoba in 2017 (sponsored by the University of Manitoba’s Centre for Professional and Applied Ethics) and recorded this Facebook Live video in which they address open relationships.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Professor Neil McArthur and Jess have also collaborated on a previous podcast episode to discuss research on sexbots and how they are shaping the future of sex. Listen here!<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean47:10How Do I *Convince* My Partner to Swing?https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/06/how-do-i-convince-my-partner-to-swing/
Fri, 15 Jun 2018 13:00:19 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8283Dr. Jess and Dr. Nancy join forces to answer the question, “how do I convince my partner to swing?”. The short answer is that you don’t convince them to do anything, but you can introduce swinging (and other sexual activities) in a manner that will produce meaningful and sexy conversations. Jess & Nancy share actionable advice you can use today!
Follow Dr. Nancy on...
Facebook
Twitter
Instagram
Youtube
LinkedInDr. Jess and Dr. Nancy join forces to answer the question, “how do I convince my partner to swing?”. The short answer is that you don’t convince them to do anything, but you can introduce swinging (and other sexual activities) in a manner that will pro...Dr. Jess and Dr. Nancy join forces to answer the question, “how do I convince my partner to swing?”. The short answer is that you don’t convince them to do anything, but you can introduce swinging (and other sexual activities) in a manner that will produce meaningful and sexy conversations. Jess & Nancy share actionable advice you can use today!<br />
<br />
Follow Dr. Nancy on...<br />
<br />
Facebook<br />
<br />
Twitter<br />
<br />
Instagram<br />
<br />
Youtube<br />
<br />
LinkedInDr. Jessica O'Reillyclean50:57Q&A: Affair Sex. Sexual Fantasies. Healing After Cheatinghttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/06/qa-affair-sex-sexual-fantasies-healing-after-cheating/
Sun, 10 Jun 2018 21:17:29 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8254Should I have sex with a married woman? How do I get my partner to open up about fantasies? Once a cheater, always a cheater? Jess (and Brandon) answer these listener questions and more!
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Should I have sex with a married woman? How do I get my partner to open up about fantasies? Once a cheater, always a cheater? Jess (and Brandon) answer these listener questions and more! - This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Should I have sex with a married woman? How do I get my partner to open up about fantasies? Once a cheater, always a cheater? Jess (and Brandon) answer these listener questions and more!<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean32:43How To Dirty Talk Like A Prohttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/05/how-to-dirty-talk-like-a-pro/
Fri, 25 May 2018 11:00:40 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8194This week, Jess invites professional sex educator (and professional pervert), Carly S., to the podcast. The pair discuss why dirty talk is such an important form of communication in relationships and how effective it can be when used properly. Carly is a master of dirty talk and gives Jess specific lines and examples that you can use tonight!
Follow Carly on...
Twitter
Facebook
Instagram
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. This week, Jess invites professional sex educator (and professional pervert), Carly S., to the podcast. The pair discuss why dirty talk is such an important form of communication in relationships and how effective it can be when used properly.This week, Jess invites professional sex educator (and professional pervert), Carly S., to the podcast. The pair discuss why dirty talk is such an important form of communication in relationships and how effective it can be when used properly. Carly is a master of dirty talk and gives Jess specific lines and examples that you can use tonight!<br />
<br />
Follow Carly on...<br />
<br />
Twitter<br />
<br />
Facebook<br />
<br />
Instagram<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean31:19Sexual Dry Spells & Male Sex Mythshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/05/sexual-dry-spells-and-male-sex-myths/
Fri, 18 May 2018 18:43:02 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8134Jess and Brandon chat about their current sexual dry spell and male sex myths. Brandon opens up about some personal concerns and Jess comments on recent research on male sexual desire.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Jess and Brandon chat about their current sexual dry spell and male sex myths. Brandon opens up about some personal concerns and Jess comments on recent research on male sexual desire. - This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Jess and Brandon chat about their current sexual dry spell and male sex myths. Brandon opens up about some personal concerns and Jess comments on recent research on male sexual desire.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean29:44“In-Between” Relationships & Why You Should Talk About Cheatinghttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/05/in-between-relationships-cheating/
Fri, 11 May 2018 13:00:58 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8094What can we learn from Tristan Thompson & Khloe Kardashian’s cheating challenges? Why do we stay with partners who cheat? And what conversations are ESSENTIAL to a happy, lasting relationship? Jess shares her answers, theories, and strategies on cheating, monogamy and relationship communication.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.
Podcast Transcript:
Welcome to the @SexWithDrJess Podcast. I’m Jessica O’Reilly, your friendly neighbourhood sexologist and I’m back in Toronto today still recovering from my travels and having lost my voice aboard the Desire Resorts cruise. I had a blast on board and my highlight was definitely Florence. There’s something about that city that always leaves me wanting more and more. And on board, my highlight was just sitting on the top deck watching the shoreline and listening to DJ Willis down below. Let me tell you, life is good. I probably have one of the best jobs in the world, so thank you to Desire Resorts and Cruises for hosting me on board.
Now that I’m home in Toronto…Today on The Global Morning Show, we talked about Tristan Thompson and Khloe Kardashian. Admittedly, I don’t know much at all about these two. And I’ve already had people yell at me online “WHO CARES?”
But here’s the thing. You may not care about K and T. You may not keep up with them - see what I did there? But we do care about these types of stories because when we hear about happy relationships or tumultuous relationships it affects how we see our own relationships. When we hear about Tristan cheating, it can be upsetting because ultimately we never want it to happen to us.
And it’s interesting because celebrity gossip is often seen as trashy or vapid. And I was looking at a post by Dr. Amie Harwick yesterday about the hazard of following celebrity gossip. Amy says “Gossiping, in general, is a rather normative behaviour,” says Dr. Amie Harwick, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “Communication about social behaviours goes back to nomadic tribes, regarding finding out who socially was to be avoided or cautious about.” But gossiping, in general, brings negativity into your life and into your relationship.
And Amie adds “Such a public depiction of relationship failure can absolutely instill fear in people, whether single or in a relationship, about the likelihood of relationship failure,” Harwick says. “We take information about the world by what we see.” She goes on to explain that typically our own families and friends would model what we believe to be normal. “But with the addition of social media and tabloids, our behavior modeling now includes an immense quantity of poor, and often untrue, behaviour models,”
So if celebrity gossip is bad for us, why am I talking about it today? Well, I believe that it’s essential to dissect some of this information if we’re going to be consuming it. I think it’s important that we talk about cheating — not gossip about whether Tristan did it or not, but talk about why it happens and what we can do about it.
Today we’re going to do just that. I want to cover a rather controversial topic:
I want to talk about why Khloe might put up with this type of behaviour. AND what it says about the way we approach monogamy and what we can do about it.
To the first point — if Tristan has done this before and you believe he’s going to do it again, why would his partner put up with it? I don’t know. I don’t have the answer. I’m not in Khloe’s head, heck I’m not even following her Instagram feed.
BUT I want to suggest a theory. A theory that may or may not apply to them, but certainly applies to other couples.
This isn’t a popular theory. Any time I bring this up, people get pissed, but I know it’s the reality for many couples:
I believe that many people know that their partner’s cheating and privately accept it; They may not like it, but they accept it and they accept that if they want to sustain this relationship for love,What can we learn from Tristan Thompson & Khloe Kardashian’s cheating challenges? Why do we stay with partners who cheat? And what conversations are ESSENTIAL to a happy, lasting relationship? Jess shares her answers, theories,What can we learn from Tristan Thompson & Khloe Kardashian’s cheating challenges? Why do we stay with partners who cheat? And what conversations are ESSENTIAL to a happy, lasting relationship? Jess shares her answers, theories, and strategies on cheating, monogamy and relationship communication.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. <br />
<br />
Podcast Transcript:<br />
<br />
Welcome to the @SexWithDrJess Podcast. I’m Jessica O’Reilly, your friendly neighbourhood sexologist and I’m back in Toronto today still recovering from my travels and having lost my voice aboard the Desire Resorts cruise. I had a blast on board and my highlight was definitely Florence. There’s something about that city that always leaves me wanting more and more. And on board, my highlight was just sitting on the top deck watching the shoreline and listening to DJ Willis down below. Let me tell you, life is good. I probably have one of the best jobs in the world, so thank you to Desire Resorts and Cruises for hosting me on board.<br />
<br />
Now that I’m home in Toronto…Today on The Global Morning Show, we talked about Tristan Thompson and Khloe Kardashian. Admittedly, I don’t know much at all about these two. And I’ve already had people yell at me online “WHO CARES?”<br />
<br />
But here’s the thing. You may not care about K and T. You may not keep up with them - see what I did there? But we do care about these types of stories because when we hear about happy relationships or tumultuous relationships it affects how we see our own relationships. When we hear about Tristan cheating, it can be upsetting because ultimately we never want it to happen to us.<br />
<br />
And it’s interesting because celebrity gossip is often seen as trashy or vapid. And I was looking at a post by Dr. Amie Harwick yesterday about the hazard of following celebrity gossip. Amy says “Gossiping, in general, is a rather normative behaviour,” says Dr. Amie Harwick, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “Communication about social behaviours goes back to nomadic tribes, regarding finding out who socially was to be avoided or cautious about.” But gossiping, in general, brings negativity into your life and into your relationship.<br />
<br />
And Amie adds “Such a public depiction of relationship failure can absolutely instill fear in people, whether single or in a relationship, about the likelihood of relationship failure,” Harwick says. “We take information about the world by what we see.” She goes on to explain that typically our own families and friends would model what we believe to be normal. “But with the addition of social media and tabloids, our behavior modeling now includes an immense quantity of poor, and often untrue, behaviour models,”<br />
<br />
So if celebrity gossip is bad for us, why am I talking about it today? Well, I believe that it’s essential to dissect some of this information if we’re going to be consuming it. I think it’s important that we talk about cheating — not gossip about whether Tristan did it or not, but talk about why it happens and what we can do about it.<br />
<br />
Today we’re going to do just that. I want to cover a rather controversial topic:<br />
<br />
I want to talk about why Khloe might put up with this type of behaviour. AND what it says about the way we approach monogamy and what we can do about it.<br />
<br />
To the first point — if Tristan has done this before and you believe he’s going to do it again, why would his partner put up with it? I don’t know. I don’t have the answer. I’m not in Khloe’s head, heck I’m not even following her Instagram feed.<br />
<br />
BUT I want to suggest a theory. A theory that may or may not apply to them, but certainly applies to other couples.<br />
<br />
This isn’t a popular theory. Any time I bring this up, people get pissed, but I know it’s the reality for many couples:<br />
<br />
I believe that many people know that their partne...Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean22:59Clothing Optional Cruising!https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/05/clothing-optional-cruising/
Fri, 04 May 2018 18:23:12 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8054Jess & Brandon are in Italy aboard the @DesireResorts Cruise - a clothing optional experience for open-minded couples. Tune in to learn more about this exciting erotic experience.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.
Jess & Brandon are in Italy aboard the @DesireResorts Cruise - a clothing optional experience for open-minded couples. Tune in to learn more about this exciting erotic experience. - This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. - Jess & Brandon are in Italy aboard the @DesireResorts Cruise - a clothing optional experience for open-minded couples. Tune in to learn more about this exciting erotic experience.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. <br />
<br />
Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean37:42Advice from a Dominatrixhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/04/advice-from-a-dominatrix/
Fri, 27 Apr 2018 04:00:06 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8039Goddess Lola Jean joins Jess on the podcast this week. Lola shares her perspective on life as a pro and lifestyle dom, and fetish wrestler. She also gives insights on why domming can be therapeutic and how she uses it as a way to build self-confidence. Happy listening!
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Goddess Lola Jean joins Jess on the podcast this week. Lola shares her perspective on life as a pro and lifestyle dom, and fetish wrestler. She also gives insights on why domming can be therapeutic and how she uses it as a way to build self-confidence....Goddess Lola Jean joins Jess on the podcast this week. Lola shares her perspective on life as a pro and lifestyle dom, and fetish wrestler. She also gives insights on why domming can be therapeutic and how she uses it as a way to build self-confidence. Happy listening!<br />
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean40:55How Professional Success Affects Relationshipshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/04/how-to-balance-professional-success-and-your-relationship/
Fri, 20 Apr 2018 10:00:55 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=8027Winning an Oscar triples your chances of getting divorced. And though you may not be in the running for an Academy Award, your personal and professional successes can adversely affect your relationship — but they don’t have to! Dr. Natasha Sharma joins Jess to discuss how you can ensure that your success serves to enhance — not threaten — your relationship.
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.
Winning an Oscar triples your chances of getting divorced. And though you may not be in the running for an Academy Award, your personal and professional successes can adversely affect your relationship — but they don’t have to! Dr.Winning an Oscar triples your chances of getting divorced. And though you may not be in the running for an Academy Award, your personal and professional successes can adversely affect your relationship — but they don’t have to! Dr. Natasha Sharma joins Jess to discuss how you can ensure that your success serves to enhance — not threaten — your relationship.<br />
<br />
Follow Dr. Natasha Sharma on...<br />
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Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean35:24How to Seduce Your Loverhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/04/how-to-seduce-your-lover/
Fri, 13 Apr 2018 04:00:55 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7990Do you want to seduce your lover with confidence and finesse? Marla Stewart can help. She joins Jess to talk about the “Seduction Learning Approach". She uses real-life examples to help you understand your own desires and your partner’s. Jess and Marla also share specific suggestions to use your words, body, actions and more to seduce your lover with confidence — and to teach them to return the favor.
Follow Marla on...
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For more info on the Sex Down South Conference, click here.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.
Do you want to seduce your lover with confidence and finesse? Marla Stewart can help. She joins Jess to talk about the “Seduction Learning Approach". She uses real-life examples to help you understand your own desires and your partner’s.Do you want to seduce your lover with confidence and finesse? Marla Stewart can help. She joins Jess to talk about the “Seduction Learning Approach". She uses real-life examples to help you understand your own desires and your partner’s. Jess and Marla also share specific suggestions to use your words, body, actions and more to seduce your lover with confidence — and to teach them to return the favor.<br />
<br />
Follow Marla on...<br />
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For more info on the Sex Down South Conference, click here.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. <br />
<br />
Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean40:55Let’s Talk Threesomes!https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/04/lets-talk-threesomes/
Fri, 06 Apr 2018 13:00:35 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7976Luna Matatas joins Jess to talk about threesomes. From how to snag a unicorn to how to navigate those awkward moments, we’ve got you covered.
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Luna Matatas joins Jess to talk about threesomes. From how to snag a unicorn to how to navigate those awkward moments, we’ve got you covered. - Follow Luna on... - Instagram - Twitter - Facebook - This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Luna Matatas joins Jess to talk about threesomes. From how to snag a unicorn to how to navigate those awkward moments, we’ve got you covered.<br />
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean40:14How A Pelvic Floor Therapist Can Change Your Life!https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/03/5-ways-a-pelvic-floor-therapist-will-change-your-life/
Fri, 30 Mar 2018 12:00:36 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7947Do you pee when you laugh? Is sex sometimes painful or uncomfortable? Is orgasm rather elusive? A pelvic floor therapist might be able to help with these concerns & more! Marcy Crouch, joins Jess on the podcast to chat about the science & application of pelvic floor therapy.
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Do you pee when you laugh? Is sex sometimes painful or uncomfortable? Is orgasm rather elusive? A pelvic floor therapist might be able to help with these concerns & more! Marcy Crouch, joins Jess on the podcast to chat about the science & application o...Do you pee when you laugh? Is sex sometimes painful or uncomfortable? Is orgasm rather elusive? A pelvic floor therapist might be able to help with these concerns & more! Marcy Crouch, joins Jess on the podcast to chat about the science & application of pelvic floor therapy.<br />
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Follow Marcy on...<br />
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean36:59How to Manage Insecurity in Relationshipshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/03/how-to-manage-insecurity-in-relationships/
Fri, 23 Mar 2018 12:00:50 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7900Do you feel insecure with your partner at times? We all do. Brandon and Jess team up once again to share personal experiences and anecdotes about how they’ve encountered and tackled insecurity in their relationship. Jess also shares practical tips for dealing with your own insecurity and your partner’s.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Do you feel insecure with your partner at times? We all do. Brandon and Jess team up once again to share personal experiences and anecdotes about how they’ve encountered and tackled insecurity in their relationship.Do you feel insecure with your partner at times? We all do. Brandon and Jess team up once again to share personal experiences and anecdotes about how they’ve encountered and tackled insecurity in their relationship. Jess also shares practical tips for dealing with your own insecurity and your partner’s.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean35:55Jess & Brandon Answer Sex & Relationship Questionshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/03/jess-brandon-answer-sex-relationship-questions/
Fri, 16 Mar 2018 11:00:45 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7866How do you prioritize sex? How do I stop myself from starting fights when I’m on my period? How can I get my partner to be more romantic? And would you leave if he cheated? Jess and Brandon (Jess’ way better half) answer listener questions and share their own stories of marriage — the good, the bad and the chocolate-chip-walnut-cookie!
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. How do you prioritize sex? How do I stop myself from starting fights when I’m on my period? How can I get my partner to be more romantic? And would you leave if he cheated? Jess and Brandon (Jess’ way better half) answer listener questions and share th...How do you prioritize sex? How do I stop myself from starting fights when I’m on my period? How can I get my partner to be more romantic? And would you leave if he cheated? Jess and Brandon (Jess’ way better half) answer listener questions and share their own stories of marriage — the good, the bad and the chocolate-chip-walnut-cookie!<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean40:05How to Feel More Confident in the Bedroomhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/03/how-to-feel-more-confident-in-the-bedroom/
Fri, 09 Mar 2018 12:00:48 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7834The Princess of Porn, Tasha Reign, joins Jess this week to discuss sexual confidence and reflect on her experience as an adult actress. She shares her unique insights and both Jess and Tasha share their top tips for boosting your sexual self-esteem.
Follow Tasha on...
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The podcast episode is brought to you by Desire Resorts. The Princess of Porn, Tasha Reign, joins Jess this week to discuss sexual confidence and reflect on her experience as an adult actress. She shares her unique insights and both Jess and Tasha share their top tips for boosting your sexual self-esteem. The Princess of Porn, Tasha Reign, joins Jess this week to discuss sexual confidence and reflect on her experience as an adult actress. She shares her unique insights and both Jess and Tasha share their top tips for boosting your sexual self-esteem.<br />
<br />
Follow Tasha on...<br />
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The podcast episode is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean34:16Sex, Dating & Relationship Questions & Answershttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/03/sex-dating-relationship-questions-answers/
Fri, 02 Mar 2018 22:49:56 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7639How do you get over your partner’s sexual past? What is 'Ski-Poling’? How can you ensure that your family likes your new partner? And what should I do with my hands during ‘the sex’? Jess tackles these questions and more in this week’s podcast. Tune in!
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. How do you get over your partner’s sexual past? What is 'Ski-Poling’? How can you ensure that your family likes your new partner? And what should I do with my hands during ‘the sex’? Jess tackles these questions and more in this week’s podcast.How do you get over your partner’s sexual past? What is 'Ski-Poling’? How can you ensure that your family likes your new partner? And what should I do with my hands during ‘the sex’? Jess tackles these questions and more in this week’s podcast. Tune in!<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean25:17Sex & Depressionhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/02/sex-and-depression/
Fri, 23 Feb 2018 16:31:07 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7611Jess is joined by licensed psychotherapist Miyume McKinley who answers listener questions about sex and depression. Tune in for insights on how to talk to your partner, show support and prioritize self-care when dealing with depression.
Follow Miyume on...
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Here’s a summary of the advice offered in this podcast:
If you’re managing depression:
Give yourself permission to take care of yourself first. Your sex life and your partner can wait. I suggest you address the depression first with your mental health professional and then work on the sex itself.
But if sex is going to take a backseat and you have a partner, you need to communicate this to them so that they understand why perhaps you’re not in the mood for sex. It may seem obvious to you that it’s the depression that’s getting in the way, but it may not be obvious to them. So tell them — in no uncertain terms that you’re taking care of yourself and it’s not personal. It doesn’t mean you’re not attracted to them and it doesn’t mean that sex isn’t a priority or won’t be moving forward, but right now you’re working on something else. And this isn’t a one-time conversation; you do have to keep checking in so that sex or the absence thereof doesn’t become an elephant in the room.
Cut sex into pieces. Figure out what you like about sex most or perhaps that requires the least effort and do that — maybe you just want a quick orgasm and not the whole production. That’s fine. Do that and if you have a partner let them know. Or maybe you don’t want sex, but you’re up for making out, that’s cool too. Just because you’re not having “the sex” that you’re used to having doesn’t mean you can’t have some form of sex and all of the related benefits.
Be a little more selfish. I find that my clients tend to be givers. And though it may sound like a good thing, learning to be a taker is just as important as being a giver. As a taker, you learn to show appreciation. And as a taker, you learn to be more present and experience sex as opposed to just going through the motions as a performer. If there is one piece of sex advice I’d like to spread throughout 2018, it’s to be more selfish in bed. We’ve shifted from a culture of sexual gratification to a culture of sexual performance and it’s making sex less exciting and pleasurable in many cases. So, if you’re depressed and exhausted, sleep deprived, anxious, stressed or otherwise not in the mood, you can still ask your partner to help put you in the mood. You can ask them to service you. You can ask them to grab a toy or use their hands with lube or use their mouth and let them take care of you. You’re not a burden and you deserve a lover who helps to reinforce this reality.
If your partner is dealing with depression:
Tell them when you’re available for support and tell them when you’re not. If you’re going to be busy, away or distracted, let your partner know so that if you’re not available they won’t take it personally and feel rejected and uncared for. A simple, I love you and I want to support you, but I’m studying for a big exam this week so I won’t be around as much
Don’t give advice. Ask them what they need. And don’t wait until they’re at their lowest point to ask. It can be more helpful to chat on a good day about what they might need when they’re at a lower point. So wait for that good day and initiate the conversation. It can be hard to tell someone else what you need when you’re feeling down, unworthy, helpless and hopeless, so look for the moments when they’re not feeling like this to ask them for specific strategies you can employ when they do feel down.
Express your support in multiple ways — with words, actions, physical affection. It’s helpful to know their love language but if you can be trilingual it’s even better.
When it comes to sex, offer reassurance. Sasha asks about her boyfriend and I think it would help to express your attraction and desire and als...Jess is joined by licensed psychotherapist Miyume McKinley who answers listener questions about sex and depression. Tune in for insights on how to talk to your partner, show support and prioritize self-care when dealing with depression. - Jess is joined by licensed psychotherapist Miyume McKinley who answers listener questions about sex and depression. Tune in for insights on how to talk to your partner, show support and prioritize self-care when dealing with depression.<br />
<br />
Follow Miyume on...<br />
<br />
Instagram<br />
<br />
Twitter<br />
<br />
Youtube<br />
<br />
Here’s a summary of the advice offered in this podcast:<br />
<br />
If you’re managing depression:<br />
<br />
Give yourself permission to take care of yourself first. Your sex life and your partner can wait. I suggest you address the depression first with your mental health professional and then work on the sex itself.<br />
But if sex is going to take a backseat and you have a partner, you need to communicate this to them so that they understand why perhaps you’re not in the mood for sex. It may seem obvious to you that it’s the depression that’s getting in the way, but it may not be obvious to them. So tell them — in no uncertain terms that you’re taking care of yourself and it’s not personal. It doesn’t mean you’re not attracted to them and it doesn’t mean that sex isn’t a priority or won’t be moving forward, but right now you’re working on something else. And this isn’t a one-time conversation; you do have to keep checking in so that sex or the absence thereof doesn’t become an elephant in the room.<br />
Cut sex into pieces. Figure out what you like about sex most or perhaps that requires the least effort and do that — maybe you just want a quick orgasm and not the whole production. That’s fine. Do that and if you have a partner let them know. Or maybe you don’t want sex, but you’re up for making out, that’s cool too. Just because you’re not having “the sex” that you’re used to having doesn’t mean you can’t have some form of sex and all of the related benefits.<br />
Be a little more selfish. I find that my clients tend to be givers. And though it may sound like a good thing, learning to be a taker is just as important as being a giver. As a taker, you learn to show appreciation. And as a taker, you learn to be more present and experience sex as opposed to just going through the motions as a performer. If there is one piece of sex advice I’d like to spread throughout 2018, it’s to be more selfish in bed. We’ve shifted from a culture of sexual gratification to a culture of sexual performance and it’s making sex less exciting and pleasurable in many cases. So, if you’re depressed and exhausted, sleep deprived, anxious, stressed or otherwise not in the mood, you can still ask your partner to help put you in the mood. You can ask them to service you. You can ask them to grab a toy or use their hands with lube or use their mouth and let them take care of you. You’re not a burden and you deserve a lover who helps to reinforce this reality.<br />
<br />
If your partner is dealing with depression:<br />
<br />
Tell them when you’re available for support and tell them when you’re not. If you’re going to be busy, away or distracted, let your partner know so that if you’re not available they won’t take it personally and feel rejected and uncared for. A simple, I love you and I want to support you, but I’m studying for a big exam this week so I won’t be around as much<br />
Don’t give advice. Ask them what they need. And don’t wait until they’re at their lowest point to ask. It can be more helpful to chat on a good day about what they might need when they’re at a lower point. So wait for that good day and initiate the conversation. It can be hard to tell someone else what you need when you’re feeling down, unworthy, helpless and hopeless, so look for the moments when they’re not feeling like this to ask them for specific strategies you can employ when they do feel down.<br />
Express your support in multiple ways — with words, actions, physical affection. It’s helpful to know their love language but if you can be trilingual it’s even better.<br />
Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean33:42Amateur Porn Star, Harper The Fox, Talks Camming, Porn & Real Sexhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/02/amateur-porn-star-harperthefox-talks-camming-porn-real-sex/
Fri, 16 Feb 2018 14:30:17 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7602Jess is joined by the brilliant and funny amateur porn star, Harper The Fox. Harper is a digital entrepreneur whose unedited sex tapes feature her having real, loving sex with her partner of 7 years. In this week’s episode, she shares her unique insights into the worlds of camming, porn and poetry — and she explains how to use toilet paper rolls as sex dolls. You don’t want to miss it!
Check out Harper's book here.
Follow Harper on Twitter here.
This podcast episode is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Jess is joined by the brilliant and funny amateur porn star, Harper The Fox. Harper is a digital entrepreneur whose unedited sex tapes feature her having real, loving sex with her partner of 7 years. In this week’s episode,Jess is joined by the brilliant and funny amateur porn star, Harper The Fox. Harper is a digital entrepreneur whose unedited sex tapes feature her having real, loving sex with her partner of 7 years. In this week’s episode, she shares her unique insights into the worlds of camming, porn and poetry — and she explains how to use toilet paper rolls as sex dolls. You don’t want to miss it!<br />
<br />
Check out Harper's book here.<br />
<br />
Follow Harper on Twitter here.<br />
<br />
This podcast episode is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean34:19Monogam-ish Questions Answeredhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/02/monogam-ish-questions-answered/
Fri, 09 Feb 2018 14:44:59 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7575What does it mean if I think about someone else during sex? Is fantasizing about a celebrity during sex a form of cheating? Who's more likely to fantasize about someone other than their partner - women or men? Jess tackles these questions and more in this week’s podcast.
**This transcript is our best automated version of the live podcast.**
Welcome to the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast. This is Jess O’Reilly, your friendly neighbourhood sexologist, and today I am in Phoenix for a cool event Body, Sex & Business and my next stops are in New York and Dallas, so perhaps I’ll see you in your city over the next few days.
This episode is brought to you by Desire Resorts and Cruises. Set sail on a clothing optional experience from Barcelona to Rome with me at the end of April. There are only a handful of cabins left, so get ‘em while the getting’s good.
Today I’ll be answering more listener questions about sex and relationships and we’re receiving a boatload every day. I’m having trouble keeping up, so I’m trying to categorize the questions thematically so that I can answer related questions all at once.
In the past few weeks, I’ve received a bunch of similar questions with regard to fantasizing during sex and they all have so much in common which tells me that this is a serious concern for many of you.
These questions tie in with the topic of my TED talk, Monogamish.
If you’re not familiar with my TED Talk from TEDx Vancouver, Monogamish, I’ll tell you a bit about it now:
It’s the single piece of media that elicits the most hate mail and I hope it remains so — meaning that I don’t want to produce something else that gets people just as angry at me. The haters call me everything from a dumb porn star to a pedophile. I read the comments on it once totally by accident and I started crying, so I’ve never been back. But you’re probably more concerned with the content than with my personal experience, so to sum it up, in this TED talk, I argue that the state of the modern relationship seems to be in crisis when we examine divorce rates, marital satisfaction rates, and infidelity rates. I argue that so-called pure monogamy, the notion of only having eyes for one soulmate forever and ever is unrealistic for most people if you want excitement and a hot sex life. Open relationships work with similar outcomes to monogamous ones, but they’re not for everyone and so I present an alternative option (not a solution), but an option, I call monogamish. This is the middle ground between monogamy and consensual non-monogamy and it involves looking at other people, thinking about other people, maybe even interacting in a flirtatious way with other people and sharing all of this with your partner to heighten the connection, growth, and passion in the relationship. If you want more, go watch the talk…so I can get on to the questions.
We’ll start with two questions from the same listener. She says I can use her name…Tonya is 29 and she asks…
1. If you are having sex with your boyfriend and your mind wanders and you picture someone else what does that mean?
It means you’re perfectly normal and you’re excited by novelty, challenge and/or the unknown. Just like we dream about a range of partners, scenarios and lifestyles, so too do our fantasies reflect this desire for variety.
2. Tonya also asks “So is it worse to visualize someone else’s face or to just think of them? If I literally think about another person’s body or face, I feel like it’s somehow worse.
I don’t believe that one is worse than the other. I think it’s healthy to fantasize about people other than your partner. I know it can seem scary (especially if you reverse the roles), but couples whose relationships have stood the test of time (especially those who still have hot sex lives!) will attest to the fact that a willingness to push comfort zones is essential to a lasting sexual relationship.
Having said that,What does it mean if I think about someone else during sex? Is fantasizing about a celebrity during sex a form of cheating? Who's more likely to fantasize about someone other than their partner - women or men?What does it mean if I think about someone else during sex? Is fantasizing about a celebrity during sex a form of cheating? Who's more likely to fantasize about someone other than their partner - women or men? Jess tackles these questions and more in this week’s podcast.<br />
<br />
**This transcript is our best automated version of the live podcast.**<br />
<br />
Welcome to the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast. This is Jess O’Reilly, your friendly neighbourhood sexologist, and today I am in Phoenix for a cool event Body, Sex & Business and my next stops are in New York and Dallas, so perhaps I’ll see you in your city over the next few days.<br />
<br />
This episode is brought to you by Desire Resorts and Cruises. Set sail on a clothing optional experience from Barcelona to Rome with me at the end of April. There are only a handful of cabins left, so get ‘em while the getting’s good.<br />
<br />
Today I’ll be answering more listener questions about sex and relationships and we’re receiving a boatload every day. I’m having trouble keeping up, so I’m trying to categorize the questions thematically so that I can answer related questions all at once.<br />
<br />
In the past few weeks, I’ve received a bunch of similar questions with regard to fantasizing during sex and they all have so much in common which tells me that this is a serious concern for many of you.<br />
<br />
These questions tie in with the topic of my TED talk, Monogamish.<br />
<br />
If you’re not familiar with my TED Talk from TEDx Vancouver, Monogamish, I’ll tell you a bit about it now:<br />
<br />
It’s the single piece of media that elicits the most hate mail and I hope it remains so — meaning that I don’t want to produce something else that gets people just as angry at me. The haters call me everything from a dumb porn star to a pedophile. I read the comments on it once totally by accident and I started crying, so I’ve never been back. But you’re probably more concerned with the content than with my personal experience, so to sum it up, in this TED talk, I argue that the state of the modern relationship seems to be in crisis when we examine divorce rates, marital satisfaction rates, and infidelity rates. I argue that so-called pure monogamy, the notion of only having eyes for one soulmate forever and ever is unrealistic for most people if you want excitement and a hot sex life. Open relationships work with similar outcomes to monogamous ones, but they’re not for everyone and so I present an alternative option (not a solution), but an option, I call monogamish. This is the middle ground between monogamy and consensual non-monogamy and it involves looking at other people, thinking about other people, maybe even interacting in a flirtatious way with other people and sharing all of this with your partner to heighten the connection, growth, and passion in the relationship. If you want more, go watch the talk…so I can get on to the questions.<br />
<br />
We’ll start with two questions from the same listener. She says I can use her name…Tonya is 29 and she asks…<br />
<br />
1. If you are having sex with your boyfriend and your mind wanders and you picture someone else what does that mean?<br />
<br />
It means you’re perfectly normal and you’re excited by novelty, challenge and/or the unknown. Just like we dream about a range of partners, scenarios and lifestyles, so too do our fantasies reflect this desire for variety.<br />
<br />
2. Tonya also asks “So is it worse to visualize someone else’s face or to just think of them? If I literally think about another person’s body or face, I feel like it’s somehow worse.<br />
<br />
I don’t believe that one is worse than the other. I think it’s healthy to fantasize about people other than your partner. I know it can seem scary (especially if you reverse the roles), but couples whose relationships have stood the test of time (especially those who still have hot sex lives!Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean24:38Swinging Questions Answered!https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/02/swinging-questions-answered/
Fri, 02 Feb 2018 16:17:25 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7530Jess answers your questions about gender roles and rules in the Swinging Lifestyle. She also shares a bit about her own personal experience and unpacks data about consensual non-monogamy. Whether you're an experienced Swinger, curious about the lifestyle or just wondering what you can learn from consensually non-monogamous relationships, have a listen as Jess differentiates between cheating and CNM relationships.
This podcast episode is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Jess answers your questions about gender roles and rules in the Swinging Lifestyle. She also shares a bit about her own personal experience and unpacks data about consensual non-monogamy. Whether you're an experienced Swinger,Jess answers your questions about gender roles and rules in the Swinging Lifestyle. She also shares a bit about her own personal experience and unpacks data about consensual non-monogamy. Whether you're an experienced Swinger, curious about the lifestyle or just wondering what you can learn from consensually non-monogamous relationships, have a listen as Jess differentiates between cheating and CNM relationships.<br />
<br />
This podcast episode is brought to you by Desire Resorts.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean30:26Get to Know Your Vaginahttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/01/get-to-know-your-vagina/
Fri, 26 Jan 2018 14:00:11 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7510This week, OB/GYN and founder of Her Viewpoint, Dr. Jessica Shepherd, is back on the podcast to talk about sex, the vagina, orgasms and more! The pair take listener questions and address the ‘what-ifs’ about sex and the vagina.
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Also, check out Dr. Shepherd at the BlogHer Health event in NYC on January 31st, 2018.This week, OB/GYN and founder of Her Viewpoint, Dr. Jessica Shepherd, is back on the podcast to talk about sex, the vagina, orgasms and more! The pair take listener questions and address the ‘what-ifs’ about sex and the vagina. - Follow Dr.This week, OB/GYN and founder of Her Viewpoint, Dr. Jessica Shepherd, is back on the podcast to talk about sex, the vagina, orgasms and more! The pair take listener questions and address the ‘what-ifs’ about sex and the vagina.<br />
<br />
Follow Dr. Shepherd on...<br />
<br />
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Facebook<br />
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<br />
Also, check out Dr. Shepherd at the BlogHer Health event in NYC on January 31st, 2018.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean24:18Answering YOUR Penis Questionshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/01/answering-your-penis-questions/
Fri, 19 Jan 2018 14:00:03 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7478This week, Jess invites Dr. Laurence Levine on the podcast to discuss all things penis’! She opened the floor up to her social following and received many questions about the topic. For some great comprehensive medical advice, be sure to tune into this one!This week, Jess invites Dr. Laurence Levine on the podcast to discuss all things penis’! She opened the floor up to her social following and received many questions about the topic. For some great comprehensive medical advice,This week, Jess invites Dr. Laurence Levine on the podcast to discuss all things penis’! She opened the floor up to her social following and received many questions about the topic. For some great comprehensive medical advice, be sure to tune into this one!Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean42:31How Often *Should* You Have Sex?https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2018/01/how-often-should-you-have-sex/
Fri, 12 Jan 2018 14:00:50 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7454Jess and her partner, Brandon, chat about sexual frequency and discuss where they’re at in their relationship today. Jess also shares data on how often the “average” couple has sex and strategies for discussing frequency with your partner.
**Please see a rough version of this podcast transcript below**
Welcome and happy new year!
Now I took last week off while I was visiting family down in Florida. I was travelling with Brandon and my pup Lido and hanging with two of my favourite cousins — Mike and Denise.
Today, I’m down at Desire Resorts with my partner Brandon and while I’m here I’m teaching 2 workshops, hosting a few book signings and meeting couples from all around the world and, of course, having some very interesting conversations.
Now yesterday, we were chatting with a couple in their 50s and they mentioned that it was their 36th anniversary and they were talking about how coming down here has been great for their relationship and that even after 36 years of marriage, they still have sex. Regularly. That to me, is pretty great. Still having sex after 36 years. But not just having sex, but having it regularly. And here’s the kicker — they’re not just having sex. They’re not just having it regularly. They have it on average 6 times per week!
6 times per week after 36 years. I’m a sexologist and this came as a surprise to me.
Now they told me this while chatting with Brandon too and his reaction and my reaction was a little tense.
Cuz we’re sitting here fewer than 17 years into our relationship — and I’m supposed to be the sexologist and they’re having way more sex than I am — with Brandon or myself for that matter.
So I decided it’s time I talk about sexual frequency here on the podcast and maybe get a little personal since we all know Brandon has a much better radio voice than I do.
So babe, what did you think when you heard from this couple and was the tension between us that I felt real or did I imagine it?
Let’s be honest, how often do we have sex? And now we’re both about to stumble over our words or you folks are going to be faced with some awkward silence.
And do you want it more?
Do you feel like I want it more than you?
It has shifted over the years…and it’s affected by my travel schedule.
Here’s what the data says. And I’ll preface the data with a few thoughts.
First, I’m always reluctant to talk about frequency and averages because you’re not average. And you’re not an average. I’m always worried that averages will be used as barometers or yardsticks against which to measure your relationship’s success. But here’s the thing: frequency only matters as much as YOU feel it matters. You don’t need to have more sex unless you and/or your partner want to have more sex.
So if I share the data and you weigh in at a higher number, it doesn’t necessarily mean your sex life is satisfying. Because you may have sex more often than other couples, but it still may not be as much as you or your partner want it. Similarly, you may have far less frequent sex than average and have a richly fulfilling sex life, because the only true measure of your sex life’s degree of satisfaction is your own.
You can have sex once a day and be satisfied and you can have sex once a year (or not at all) and be satisfied. It's a matter of you determining how often you want it and finding a balance between your frequency and your partner’s.
SO that's the first thing I want to say before I share the data. The second is: people lie about sex even when surveys are anonymous because ultimately we lie to ourselves.
I've spoken to couples and one partner will report that they have sex weekly and the other will say they have it consistently every other day. Unless they're having it with separate partners, which is a different story altogether, something has got to give. Someone is not telling the truth. And perhaps neither are - and perhaps it's not intentional, but it’s inaccurate nonetheless,Jess and her partner, Brandon, chat about sexual frequency and discuss where they’re at in their relationship today. Jess also shares data on how often the “average” couple has sex and strategies for discussing frequency with your partner. - Jess and her partner, Brandon, chat about sexual frequency and discuss where they’re at in their relationship today. Jess also shares data on how often the “average” couple has sex and strategies for discussing frequency with your partner.<br />
<br />
**Please see a rough version of this podcast transcript below**<br />
Welcome and happy new year!<br />
Now I took last week off while I was visiting family down in Florida. I was travelling with Brandon and my pup Lido and hanging with two of my favourite cousins — Mike and Denise.<br />
Today, I’m down at Desire Resorts with my partner Brandon and while I’m here I’m teaching 2 workshops, hosting a few book signings and meeting couples from all around the world and, of course, having some very interesting conversations.<br />
Now yesterday, we were chatting with a couple in their 50s and they mentioned that it was their 36th anniversary and they were talking about how coming down here has been great for their relationship and that even after 36 years of marriage, they still have sex. Regularly. That to me, is pretty great. Still having sex after 36 years. But not just having sex, but having it regularly. And here’s the kicker — they’re not just having sex. They’re not just having it regularly. They have it on average 6 times per week!<br />
6 times per week after 36 years. I’m a sexologist and this came as a surprise to me.<br />
Now they told me this while chatting with Brandon too and his reaction and my reaction was a little tense.<br />
Cuz we’re sitting here fewer than 17 years into our relationship — and I’m supposed to be the sexologist and they’re having way more sex than I am — with Brandon or myself for that matter.<br />
So I decided it’s time I talk about sexual frequency here on the podcast and maybe get a little personal since we all know Brandon has a much better radio voice than I do.<br />
So babe, what did you think when you heard from this couple and was the tension between us that I felt real or did I imagine it?<br />
Let’s be honest, how often do we have sex? And now we’re both about to stumble over our words or you folks are going to be faced with some awkward silence.<br />
And do you want it more?<br />
<br />
Do you feel like I want it more than you?<br />
It has shifted over the years…and it’s affected by my travel schedule.<br />
Here’s what the data says. And I’ll preface the data with a few thoughts.<br />
First, I’m always reluctant to talk about frequency and averages because you’re not average. And you’re not an average. I’m always worried that averages will be used as barometers or yardsticks against which to measure your relationship’s success. But here’s the thing: frequency only matters as much as YOU feel it matters. You don’t need to have more sex unless you and/or your partner want to have more sex.<br />
So if I share the data and you weigh in at a higher number, it doesn’t necessarily mean your sex life is satisfying. Because you may have sex more often than other couples, but it still may not be as much as you or your partner want it. Similarly, you may have far less frequent sex than average and have a richly fulfilling sex life, because the only true measure of your sex life’s degree of satisfaction is your own.<br />
You can have sex once a day and be satisfied and you can have sex once a year (or not at all) and be satisfied. It's a matter of you determining how often you want it and finding a balance between your frequency and your partner’s.<br />
SO that's the first thing I want to say before I share the data. The second is: people lie about sex even when surveys are anonymous because ultimately we lie to ourselves.<br />
I've spoken to couples and one partner will report that they have sex weekly and the other will say they have it consistently every other day. Unless they're having it with separate partners, which is a different story altogether, something has got to give.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean38:30Why You Should Treat Your Relationship Like A Businesshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/12/why-you-should-treat-your-relationship-like-a-business/
Fri, 29 Dec 2017 14:00:43 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7412In this episode, Jess sucks the romance out of relationships and offers a practical, business-based approach to happier relationships. It may seem unromantic to treat your relationship like a business, but it’s far more romantic to plan for success than to close your eyes and hope for the best. Most couples invest their time and money into their wedding — but not into the relationship itself and the results are abysmal. Don’t be most couples! Treat your relationship like a business.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.
You can view this episode's transcript below:
Marriage is a Business.
And from a financial perspective, it’s thriving. The wedding industry in China is estimated at $80 billion per year. In the US, it’s $161 billion — and that doesn’t even count the Kardashian year. Globally, our annual investment in tying the knot is over $300 billion and growing.
The numbers alone paint a pretty picture. The business of marriage is booming.
And why shouldn’t it? A marriage is a very good investment, especially for men.
Married men earn 11% more than singles in the same roles.
And both men and women reap health benefits from marriage including a 17% reduced risk of certain cancers, 12% lower rates of cardiovascular disease and longer lifespans in general.
But let’s take a look at some other martial data.
The rate of marriage is declining and more people are getting divorced across the globe.
In the last 50 years, the crude marriage rate in the EU-28 has declined by nearly 50%.
In 2011, there were 2.1 million marriages in the EU and nearly a million divorces — 986,000 to be exact.
In the US, some estimates suggest that the divorce industry is worth $50 billion per year.
It seems that while we’re willing to invest a great deal into weddings and to some degree divorces, we still aren’t profiting or successfully investing in marriage. We throw money at the start-up phase and then close our eyes and hope for the best knowing that we’ve got a 50/50 shot of losing everything.
Now I don’t think we’d do this in business, but you tell me.
Would you invest into a start-up knowing that no further financial or advisement investment would be made?
Would you purchase an investment property and let it take care of itself?
Would you sign on as a partner in a company without seeing their financial and strategic plans? Even if the company’s founder was an old friend and a great person, you’d insist on discussing the finer details.
You have a certain degree of business sense that helps you to mitigate risk and promote higher returns. In business, you plan and invest. You surround yourself with the right people. And you adapt to changing environments and demands.
What I’m suggesting to you, is that it’s time to treat your marriage like you do a business.
Yes. They're different. But many core business competencies are transferable. You’re obviously successful in the business realm, so perhaps it’s time to look at how you can apply your business savvy to your marriage.
It’s time to invest and plan. It’s time to really look at the people involved. And it’s time to be adaptable and innovative.
Now I know that comparing marriage to a business isn’t romantic. But neither is divorce nor infidelity, nor misery in pairs, so hear me out.
Most businesses begin with a plan. Whether it’s a lengthy document to showcase to potential investors or a Lean Canvas designed to identify needs, every business has a plan. And every successful business revisits that plan from time to time.
Unfortunately, we don’t do this with our relationships. Your marriage may be the most important partnership to your health, well-being, happiness and life fulfillment, but if you aren’t specifically planning for success, then the odds may be stacked against you.
This doesn’t mean that you need to sit down and write a lengthy mission statement or map out your value proposition in great det...In this episode, Jess sucks the romance out of relationships and offers a practical, business-based approach to happier relationships. It may seem unromantic to treat your relationship like a business, but it’s far more romantic to plan for success tha...In this episode, Jess sucks the romance out of relationships and offers a practical, business-based approach to happier relationships. It may seem unromantic to treat your relationship like a business, but it’s far more romantic to plan for success than to close your eyes and hope for the best. Most couples invest their time and money into their wedding — but not into the relationship itself and the results are abysmal. Don’t be most couples! Treat your relationship like a business.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. <br />
<br />
You can view this episode's transcript below:<br />
<br />
Marriage is a Business.<br />
<br />
And from a financial perspective, it’s thriving. The wedding industry in China is estimated at $80 billion per year. In the US, it’s $161 billion — and that doesn’t even count the Kardashian year. Globally, our annual investment in tying the knot is over $300 billion and growing.<br />
<br />
The numbers alone paint a pretty picture. The business of marriage is booming.<br />
<br />
And why shouldn’t it? A marriage is a very good investment, especially for men.<br />
<br />
Married men earn 11% more than singles in the same roles.<br />
And both men and women reap health benefits from marriage including a 17% reduced risk of certain cancers, 12% lower rates of cardiovascular disease and longer lifespans in general.<br />
<br />
But let’s take a look at some other martial data.<br />
<br />
The rate of marriage is declining and more people are getting divorced across the globe.<br />
In the last 50 years, the crude marriage rate in the EU-28 has declined by nearly 50%.<br />
In 2011, there were 2.1 million marriages in the EU and nearly a million divorces — 986,000 to be exact.<br />
In the US, some estimates suggest that the divorce industry is worth $50 billion per year.<br />
<br />
It seems that while we’re willing to invest a great deal into weddings and to some degree divorces, we still aren’t profiting or successfully investing in marriage. We throw money at the start-up phase and then close our eyes and hope for the best knowing that we’ve got a 50/50 shot of losing everything.<br />
<br />
Now I don’t think we’d do this in business, but you tell me.<br />
<br />
Would you invest into a start-up knowing that no further financial or advisement investment would be made?<br />
Would you purchase an investment property and let it take care of itself?<br />
Would you sign on as a partner in a company without seeing their financial and strategic plans? Even if the company’s founder was an old friend and a great person, you’d insist on discussing the finer details.<br />
<br />
You have a certain degree of business sense that helps you to mitigate risk and promote higher returns. In business, you plan and invest. You surround yourself with the right people. And you adapt to changing environments and demands.<br />
<br />
What I’m suggesting to you, is that it’s time to treat your marriage like you do a business.<br />
<br />
Yes. They're different. But many core business competencies are transferable. You’re obviously successful in the business realm, so perhaps it’s time to look at how you can apply your business savvy to your marriage.<br />
<br />
It’s time to invest and plan. It’s time to really look at the people involved. And it’s time to be adaptable and innovative.<br />
<br />
Now I know that comparing marriage to a business isn’t romantic. But neither is divorce nor infidelity, nor misery in pairs, so hear me out.<br />
<br />
Most businesses begin with a plan. Whether it’s a lengthy document to showcase to potential investors or a Lean Canvas designed to identify needs, every business has a plan. And every successful business revisits that plan from time to time.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, we don’t do this with our relationships. Your marriage may be the most important partnership to your health,Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean33:13Cuckolding and Cuckqueeninghttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/12/cuckolding-and-cuckqueening/
Fri, 22 Dec 2017 14:00:56 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7402Dr. Justin Lehmiller joins Jess to address listener questions about cuckolding and cuckqueening. Why might you be turned on by seeing your partner having sex with someone else? Is it cultural, personal and/or evolutionary? How can you talk to your partner about your fantasies? And should you consider playing out your fantasies in real life? Happy listening!
Follow Justin on...
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller joins Jess to address listener questions about cuckolding and cuckqueening. Why might you be turned on by seeing your partner having sex with someone else? Is it cultural, personal and/or evolutionary?Dr. Justin Lehmiller joins Jess to address listener questions about cuckolding and cuckqueening. Why might you be turned on by seeing your partner having sex with someone else? Is it cultural, personal and/or evolutionary? How can you talk to your partner about your fantasies? And should you consider playing out your fantasies in real life? Happy listening!<br />
<br />
Follow Justin on...<br />
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Blog - Sex and Psychology<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. <br />
<br />
Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean21:27Let’s Talk About Orgasmshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/12/lets-talk-about-orgasms/
Fri, 15 Dec 2017 14:36:03 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7367This week, Jess is joined by Sex Coach and Owner of Good for Her, Carlyle Jansen. The pair discuss the must-knows about orgasms and answer some listener Qs. Don’t miss this one!
Follow Carlyle on...
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Follow Good for Her on...
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. This week, Jess is joined by Sex Coach and Owner of Good for Her, Carlyle Jansen. The pair discuss the must-knows about orgasms and answer some listener Qs. Don’t miss this one! - Follow Carlyle on... - Twitter - Facebook - This week, Jess is joined by Sex Coach and Owner of Good for Her, Carlyle Jansen. The pair discuss the must-knows about orgasms and answer some listener Qs. Don’t miss this one!<br />
<br />
Follow Carlyle on...<br />
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Follow Good for Her on...<br />
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean35:06Sex For Survivors of Sexual Assaulthttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/12/sex-for-survivors-of-sexual-assault/
Fri, 08 Dec 2017 14:00:38 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7278Dr. Ruthie Neustifter joins Jess to answer listener questions about sex and relationships after a sexual assault. This episode was recorded in support of The National Sexual Assault Hotline. Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) for 24/7 support.
Follow Dr. Ruthie on…
TwitterDr. Ruthie Neustifter joins Jess to answer listener questions about sex and relationships after a sexual assault. This episode was recorded in support of The National Sexual Assault Hotline. Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) for 24/7 support. - Follow Dr.Dr. Ruthie Neustifter joins Jess to answer listener questions about sex and relationships after a sexual assault. This episode was recorded in support of The National Sexual Assault Hotline. Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) for 24/7 support.<br />
<br />
Follow Dr. Ruthie on…<br />
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TwitterDr. Jessica O'Reillyclean35:52Jess Answers Your Travel Questions!https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/12/jess-answers-your-travel-questions/
Fri, 01 Dec 2017 14:00:30 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7256Jess travels every week for speaking engagements across the globe and since she posts *too many* Insta-stories, she receives many questions about her travels. In this week’s episode, she attempts to answer them.Jess travels every week for speaking engagements across the globe and since she posts *too many* Insta-stories, she receives many questions about her travels. In this week’s episode, she attempts to answer them.Jess travels every week for speaking engagements across the globe and since she posts *too many* Insta-stories, she receives many questions about her travels. In this week’s episode, she attempts to answer them.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean22:21How We Make Our Relationship Work — Long Distance Lovehttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/11/how-we-make-our-relationship-work-long-distance-love/
Fri, 24 Nov 2017 21:56:14 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7233Jess’ much-better-half Brandon joins her to discuss how they make their relationship work while Jess is on the road. This is an unscripted discussion and we hope you like it!Jess’ much-better-half Brandon joins her to discuss how they make their relationship work while Jess is on the road. This is an unscripted discussion and we hope you like it!Jess’ much-better-half Brandon joins her to discuss how they make their relationship work while Jess is on the road. This is an unscripted discussion and we hope you like it!Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean27:06How to Deal with the Online Hate!https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/11/how-to-deal-with-the-online-hate/
Fri, 17 Nov 2017 14:00:04 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7201This week on the @SexWithDrJess Podcast, social media influencer, Jacqui Childs, joins Jess to talk about what it’s like to be a woman in the digital world - the good, the bad, and the ugly. There are lots of laughs and reminiscing on this one, but most importantly the pair discuss online haters and how to deal. Tune in!
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YoutubeThis week on the @SexWithDrJess Podcast, social media influencer, Jacqui Childs, joins Jess to talk about what it’s like to be a woman in the digital world - the good, the bad, and the ugly. There are lots of laughs and reminiscing on this one,This week on the @SexWithDrJess Podcast, social media influencer, Jacqui Childs, joins Jess to talk about what it’s like to be a woman in the digital world - the good, the bad, and the ugly. There are lots of laughs and reminiscing on this one, but most importantly the pair discuss online haters and how to deal. Tune in!<br />
<br />
Follow Jacqui on...<br />
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YoutubeDr. Jessica O'Reillyclean29:17The Formula for Intimacyhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/11/the-formula-for-intimacy/
Fri, 10 Nov 2017 14:00:49 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7139In this week's episode, Jess explores the power of vulnerability as part of the formula for intimacy.
Intimacy = Expression of vulnerability + Loving response
She shares one couple's story and offers insight on how simple interactions can lead to deep connection. Have a listen!
See this episode's transcription below...
In today’s episode, we’re addressing a very important topic — the formula for intimacy. I’m going to cut to the chase.
To deepen intimacy in your relationship and feel closer, more connected and more in love, there are two simple requirements:
Vulnerability + Loving Response
That’s it. Nothing cultivates deeper intimacy than admitting that you feel vulnerable and being met with loving reassurance.
I’m going to use the story of a couple I recently worked with as an example. Let’s call them Jordan and Rena.
Jordan and Rena are out for dinner and Rena is radiant — inside and out. She has an energy that just lights up the room. All heads turn when they walk in. And when Rena walks past the bar on the way to the restroom, a couple of men approach her. Jordan sees this and he feels threatened - and maybe a little jealous. So let’s look at a few ways this can play out.
Scenario #1: Jordan gets up and confronts the guys and their date night is ruined because he’s riled up and Rena is embarrassed.
Scenario #2: Jordan waits at the table and when Rena returns, something is different. He doesn’t want to engage in conversation. He’s flippant, dismissive and sarcastic. Rena asks what’s wrong and he simply replies “nothing”.
Scenario #3: Jordan waits at the table and when Rena returns, a conversation unfolds:
Jordan: Who are those guys?
Rena: I don’t know them.
Jordan: What did they want? He’s angry.
Rena: Nothing really. They asked to buy me a drink. I declined. It’s over.
Jordan: Well clearly you liked talking to them. I saw you smiling.
Rena: I was being polite.
Jordan: Right.
Rena: Don’t be jealous. I hate when you’re jealous. You’re being insecure.
Jordan: I’m not jealous. They’re douches.
Rena: What’s your problem?
Jordan: My problem? You’re the one who clearly needs everyone’s attention.
And they go on fighting — not really talking about what’s really bothering them (their feelings), but simply being accusatory, defensive and ultimately inhibiting desire by avoiding the most important aspect of the evening — their feelings.
Scenario #4: Jordan waits at the table and when Rena returns, a conversation unfolds:
Jordan: Who are those guys? Remaining calm.
Rena: I don’t know them. They asked to buy me a drink. I declined. I just wanted to get back to hanging with you. We’re lucky to have a night out away from the kids.
Jordan: Smiles. You’re YOU. Of course they want to talk to you. It’s hard when I feel like everyone is after you — I don’t blame them. You’re the best, but it’s still feels weird when other people hit on you.
Rena: You have nothing worry about. I LOVE you. I want to be with you.
Jordan: I know.
They hold hands, feel a little spark in their stomachs and continue their conversation about their plans for the holidays.
In the first three scenarios, Jordan, rather than acknowledging how he’s feeling, goes on the attack (in the first one), withdraws (in the second), and makes accusations/directs blame in the third. In the third, Rena judges Jordan for feeling jealous and even complains that he’s feeling this way. She also accuses him of being insecure. And accusing your partner of feeling what their feeling is ultimately a form of judgment. Jealousy and insecurity are universal emotions. We all feel them at some point and when we do, we need out partners to respond with love and reassurance.
Just as Rena does in the fourth scenario. In this scenario, Jordan tells her that he’s a bit uncomfortable — he doesn’t blame her and he doesn’t lash out. He’s still feeling insecure and jealous,In this week's episode, Jess explores the power of vulnerability as part of the formula for intimacy. - Intimacy = Expression of vulnerability + Loving response - She shares one couple's story and offers insight on how simple interactions can lead to...In this week's episode, Jess explores the power of vulnerability as part of the formula for intimacy.<br />
<br />
Intimacy = Expression of vulnerability + Loving response<br />
<br />
She shares one couple's story and offers insight on how simple interactions can lead to deep connection. Have a listen!<br />
<br />
See this episode's transcription below...<br />
<br />
In today’s episode, we’re addressing a very important topic — the formula for intimacy. I’m going to cut to the chase.<br />
<br />
To deepen intimacy in your relationship and feel closer, more connected and more in love, there are two simple requirements:<br />
<br />
Vulnerability + Loving Response<br />
<br />
That’s it. Nothing cultivates deeper intimacy than admitting that you feel vulnerable and being met with loving reassurance.<br />
<br />
I’m going to use the story of a couple I recently worked with as an example. Let’s call them Jordan and Rena.<br />
<br />
Jordan and Rena are out for dinner and Rena is radiant — inside and out. She has an energy that just lights up the room. All heads turn when they walk in. And when Rena walks past the bar on the way to the restroom, a couple of men approach her. Jordan sees this and he feels threatened - and maybe a little jealous. So let’s look at a few ways this can play out.<br />
<br />
Scenario #1: Jordan gets up and confronts the guys and their date night is ruined because he’s riled up and Rena is embarrassed.<br />
<br />
Scenario #2: Jordan waits at the table and when Rena returns, something is different. He doesn’t want to engage in conversation. He’s flippant, dismissive and sarcastic. Rena asks what’s wrong and he simply replies “nothing”.<br />
<br />
Scenario #3: Jordan waits at the table and when Rena returns, a conversation unfolds:<br />
<br />
Jordan: Who are those guys?<br />
Rena: I don’t know them.<br />
<br />
Jordan: What did they want? He’s angry.<br />
<br />
Rena: Nothing really. They asked to buy me a drink. I declined. It’s over.<br />
<br />
Jordan: Well clearly you liked talking to them. I saw you smiling.<br />
<br />
Rena: I was being polite.<br />
<br />
Jordan: Right.<br />
<br />
Rena: Don’t be jealous. I hate when you’re jealous. You’re being insecure.<br />
<br />
Jordan: I’m not jealous. They’re douches.<br />
Rena: What’s your problem?<br />
Jordan: My problem? You’re the one who clearly needs everyone’s attention.<br />
And they go on fighting — not really talking about what’s really bothering them (their feelings), but simply being accusatory, defensive and ultimately inhibiting desire by avoiding the most important aspect of the evening — their feelings.<br />
<br />
Scenario #4: Jordan waits at the table and when Rena returns, a conversation unfolds:<br />
<br />
Jordan: Who are those guys? Remaining calm.<br />
Rena: I don’t know them. They asked to buy me a drink. I declined. I just wanted to get back to hanging with you. We’re lucky to have a night out away from the kids.<br />
<br />
Jordan: Smiles. You’re YOU. Of course they want to talk to you. It’s hard when I feel like everyone is after you — I don’t blame them. You’re the best, but it’s still feels weird when other people hit on you.<br />
<br />
Rena: You have nothing worry about. I LOVE you. I want to be with you.<br />
<br />
Jordan: I know.<br />
<br />
They hold hands, feel a little spark in their stomachs and continue their conversation about their plans for the holidays.<br />
<br />
In the first three scenarios, Jordan, rather than acknowledging how he’s feeling, goes on the attack (in the first one), withdraws (in the second), and makes accusations/directs blame in the third. In the third, Rena judges Jordan for feeling jealous and even complains that he’s feeling this way. She also accuses him of being insecure. And accusing your partner of feeling what their feeling is ultimately a form of judgment.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean17:55Are Funny People Better in Bed?https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/11/are-funny-people-better-in-bed/
Fri, 03 Nov 2017 20:07:24 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7099Comedian Debra DiGiovanni joins Jess to talk about the landscape of stand-up comedy for women in 2017. She responds to research suggesting that funny people are better in bed and shares sex insights from the world of comedy.
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Comedian Debra DiGiovanni joins Jess to talk about the landscape of stand-up comedy for women in 2017. She responds to research suggesting that funny people are better in bed and shares sex insights from the world of comedy. - Follow Debra on... - Comedian Debra DiGiovanni joins Jess to talk about the landscape of stand-up comedy for women in 2017. She responds to research suggesting that funny people are better in bed and shares sex insights from the world of comedy.<br />
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean26:52Sex & Menopausehttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/10/sex-menopause/
Fri, 27 Oct 2017 13:00:56 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7067Jess is joined by women’s health expert, Chia Chia Sun, who shares her research and insights into the world of menopause. Why do we need to talk about it? What can you do to have a hot sex life at any age? Listen below!
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TwitterJess is joined by women’s health expert, Chia Chia Sun, who shares her research and insights into the world of menopause. Why do we need to talk about it? What can you do to have a hot sex life at any age? Listen below! Follow Chia Chia on... - Jess is joined by women’s health expert, Chia Chia Sun, who shares her research and insights into the world of menopause. Why do we need to talk about it? What can you do to have a hot sex life at any age? Listen below!<br />
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TwitterDr. Jessica O'Reillyclean26:05Episode 30: Confessions of a Funny Poly Ladyhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/10/polyamorous/
Fri, 20 Oct 2017 14:00:31 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=7012Jess speaks with comedian, Christina Walkinshaw, on what it’s like to be polyamorous. Jess and Christina draw from Christina’s blog, ‘Becoming Poly’, which discusses how Christina met her current partner and how she’s adapting to the poly world. Listen below!
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Jess speaks with comedian, Christina Walkinshaw, on what it’s like to be polyamorous. Jess and Christina draw from Christina’s blog, ‘Becoming Poly’, which discusses how Christina met her current partner and how she’s adapting to the poly world.Jess speaks with comedian, Christina Walkinshaw, on what it’s like to be polyamorous. Jess and Christina draw from Christina’s blog, ‘Becoming Poly’, which discusses how Christina met her current partner and how she’s adapting to the poly world. Listen below!<br />
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean26:44Don’t Let Kids Ruin Your Marriage!https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/10/dont-let-kids-ruin-your-marriage/
Mon, 16 Oct 2017 16:52:22 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=6978Three decades of research suggests that having kids is associated with an unhappy marriage, but it doesn’t have to be this way! Parenting Expert, Alyson Schafer joins Jess to share practical tips to help you live (almost) happily ever regardless of whether or not you have kids. Tune in to learn about no-ego parenting and the “couples counsel” approach that could revolutionize the way you communicate with your partner.
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YoutubeThree decades of research suggests that having kids is associated with an unhappy marriage, but it doesn’t have to be this way! Parenting Expert, Alyson Schafer joins Jess to share practical tips to help you live (almost) happily ever regardless of whe...Three decades of research suggests that having kids is associated with an unhappy marriage, but it doesn’t have to be this way! Parenting Expert, Alyson Schafer joins Jess to share practical tips to help you live (almost) happily ever regardless of whether or not you have kids. Tune in to learn about no-ego parenting and the “couples counsel” approach that could revolutionize the way you communicate with your partner.<br />
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YoutubeDr. Jessica O'Reillyclean24:58All About Sex Clubs!https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/09/all-about-sex-clubs/
Fri, 15 Sep 2017 13:00:03 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=6817Sex clubs are becoming more mainstream. Jess shares her observations about sex clubs and chats with Fatima Mechtab who shares her stories (including one about a blowup doll!), tips and insights. Click here to find a sex club near you.
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A few additional notes on sex clubs:
Many of the couples I work with visit sex clubs to get their juices flowing. They dance, flirt, watch and leave without ever having sex or reaching orgasm. They use their experience as both fodder for intimate conversations (emotional) and as material for sexual foreplay. In many cases, the anticipation is hotter than the reward, which makes sense, as dopamine levels can be twice as high during the anticipation pleasure as when you experience the pleasure itself.
You don’t have to participate in any specific way and regardless of your specific desires, you’ll want to consider several questions and have ongoing conversations in advance:
How long will you spend at the club when you visit?
Will you have a drink? How many drinks will you have?
Will you dance?
What will you wear? Do you plan to undress?
How will you respond if you’re feeling uncomfortable? How will you ask your partner for support? How do you want them to respond?
What will you do if someone asks you or your partner to dance?
What areas of the club will you visit? (e.g. Will you go into the play rooms or just the bar?)
What excites you about visiting a sex club?
What concerns or fears do you have?
What’s your best-case scenario for your first visit?
What’s your perceived worst-case scenario?
Discussing boundaries and concerns in advance can help you to feel more at ease and ensure that you don’t have to make high-pressure decisions in the heat of the moment. Take your time with these questions and allow yourself to be vulnerable as the conversations unfold. There is no rush to visit a sex club — they’ll still be there next week, next month or next year.
Note: Many reputable sex clubs also offer tours for newbies, so check online or call ahead to find out what they offer in terms of tours and workshops. I may even be able to recommend a sex club tour guide like Luna Matatas or Spirt Sex Lab's Evguenia.
I believe that seeing real sex between consenting adults who aren’t being directed by professionals can be helpful in creating a happy, healthy sex life. Porn is not intended to be a form of education, but we often use it as a learning model, as we have no other options. If you want to gain insight on other topics (e.g. football, cooking, crafting), you being by observing others. You don’t simply learn about the mechanics in a book or study the potential risks in school — you actually watch others performing the task on video or in-person. Why do we treat sex differently?
I studied human sexuality and sexual health education in school, but I didn’t learn much about the physical act of sex in the classroom. Luckily, I have derived great educational benefits from observing real live sex at sex clubs and resorts over the past 10+ years. Seeing real people with a range of body types engaged in a wide range of sexual activities not only makes me more comfortable with sex, but also with my own body. The first time I visited Desire Resorts and saw couples of all ages having different types of sex, my whole outlook toward my body, aging and sexuality changed for the better.
This, of course, does not mean that your experience will be the same as mine. If you’re not interested in visiting a sex club, that’s okay too. There are many paths to sexual exploration and fulfilment and you’re the ultimate expert in your own needs. You don’t want to pressure your partner to feel the way you feel, but hopefully you feel comfortable expressing how you feel.
Check out fellow Sexologist, Ashley Cobb's advice on sex clubs here.Sex clubs are becoming more mainstream. Jess shares her observations about sex clubs and chats with Fatima Mechtab who shares her stories (including one about a blowup doll!), tips and insights. Click here to find a sex club near you. - Sex clubs are becoming more mainstream. Jess shares her observations about sex clubs and chats with Fatima Mechtab who shares her stories (including one about a blowup doll!), tips and insights. Click here to find a sex club near you.<br />
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A few additional notes on sex clubs:<br />
<br />
Many of the couples I work with visit sex clubs to get their juices flowing. They dance, flirt, watch and leave without ever having sex or reaching orgasm. They use their experience as both fodder for intimate conversations (emotional) and as material for sexual foreplay. In many cases, the anticipation is hotter than the reward, which makes sense, as dopamine levels can be twice as high during the anticipation pleasure as when you experience the pleasure itself.<br />
<br />
You don’t have to participate in any specific way and regardless of your specific desires, you’ll want to consider several questions and have ongoing conversations in advance:<br />
<br />
How long will you spend at the club when you visit?<br />
Will you have a drink? How many drinks will you have?<br />
Will you dance?<br />
What will you wear? Do you plan to undress?<br />
How will you respond if you’re feeling uncomfortable? How will you ask your partner for support? How do you want them to respond?<br />
What will you do if someone asks you or your partner to dance?<br />
What areas of the club will you visit? (e.g. Will you go into the play rooms or just the bar?)<br />
What excites you about visiting a sex club?<br />
What concerns or fears do you have?<br />
What’s your best-case scenario for your first visit?<br />
What’s your perceived worst-case scenario?<br />
<br />
Discussing boundaries and concerns in advance can help you to feel more at ease and ensure that you don’t have to make high-pressure decisions in the heat of the moment. Take your time with these questions and allow yourself to be vulnerable as the conversations unfold. There is no rush to visit a sex club — they’ll still be there next week, next month or next year.<br />
<br />
Note: Many reputable sex clubs also offer tours for newbies, so check online or call ahead to find out what they offer in terms of tours and workshops. I may even be able to recommend a sex club tour guide like Luna Matatas or Spirt Sex Lab's Evguenia.<br />
<br />
I believe that seeing real sex between consenting adults who aren’t being directed by professionals can be helpful in creating a happy, healthy sex life. Porn is not intended to be a form of education, but we often use it as a learning model, as we have no other options. If you want to gain insight on other topics (e.g. football, cooking, crafting), you being by observing others. You don’t simply learn about the mechanics in a book or study the potential risks in school — you actually watch others performing the task on video or in-person. Why do we treat sex differently?<br />
<br />
I studied human sexuality and sexual health education in school, but I didn’t learn much about the physical act of sex in the classroom. Luckily, I have derived great educational benefits from observing real live sex at sex clubs and resorts over the past 10+ years. Seeing real people with a range of body types engaged in a wide range of sexual activities not only makes me more comfortable with sex, but also with my own body. The first time I visited Desire Resorts and saw couples of all ages having different types of sex, my whole outlook toward my body, aging and sexuality changed for the better.<br />
<br />
This, of course, does not mean that your experience will be the same as mine. If you’re not interested in visiting a sex club, that’s okay too.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean33:58Sex Terms You’ve Never Heard: CBT, AMDL & More!https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/09/sex-terms/
Fri, 08 Sep 2017 13:00:30 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=6784Jess is joined by sex educator extraordinaire Sunny Megatron who shares her knowledge of kinky sex terms. From CEI to SPH, you’re sure to learn something new in this episode!
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American Sex Podcast
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Jess is joined by sex educator extraordinaire Sunny Megatron who shares her knowledge of kinky sex terms. From CEI to SPH, you’re sure to learn something new in this episode! - Follow Sunny on... - Facebook - Youtube - Twitter - Jess is joined by sex educator extraordinaire Sunny Megatron who shares her knowledge of kinky sex terms. From CEI to SPH, you’re sure to learn something new in this episode!<br />
<br />
Follow Sunny on...<br />
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean38:28Why Do We Always Aim to Please?https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/09/why-do-we-always-aim-to-please/
Fri, 01 Sep 2017 16:06:56 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=6750Stop trying to be a people-pleaser. You probably question its worth sometimes. This week, Jess sits down with Marriage and Family Therapist and author of The New Sex Bible for Women, Dr. Amie Harwick, to discuss the science of people-pleasing and why this doesn’t make for healthy relationships.
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Stop trying to be a people-pleaser. You probably question its worth sometimes. This week, Jess sits down with Marriage and Family Therapist and author of The New Sex Bible for Women, Dr. Amie Harwick, to discuss the science of people-pleasing and why t...Stop trying to be a people-pleaser. You probably question its worth sometimes. This week, Jess sits down with Marriage and Family Therapist and author of The New Sex Bible for Women, Dr. Amie Harwick, to discuss the science of people-pleasing and why this doesn’t make for healthy relationships.<br />
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean29:50Sexual Health Questions Answeredhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/08/sexual-health-questions-answered/
Thu, 24 Aug 2017 17:05:26 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=6734The brilliant Dr. Jessica Shepherd (@JShepherd_MD) joins Jess to talk about vaginal health and answer a few sexual health questions from listeners. If you have questions you’d like us to answer, send them our way! We love to hear from you.
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. The brilliant Dr. Jessica Shepherd (@JShepherd_MD) joins Jess to talk about vaginal health and answer a few sexual health questions from listeners. If you have questions you’d like us to answer, send them our way! We love to hear from you. - The brilliant Dr. Jessica Shepherd (@JShepherd_MD) joins Jess to talk about vaginal health and answer a few sexual health questions from listeners. If you have questions you’d like us to answer, send them our way! We love to hear from you.<br />
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This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean25:41Jess & Brandon on What We Fight Abouthttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/08/jess-brandon-on-what-we-fight-about/
Fri, 11 Aug 2017 15:46:44 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=6639Jess’ husband Brandon joins her to talk about their fights -- the good, the bad and the ugly.
Fighting with your partner is not a sign that your relationship is doomed. In fact, the happiest couples fight and there are benefits to fighting:
Smaller fights may help to stave off bigger conflicts in the long run
Fighting helps us to adjust our behaviour in order to have more productive and loving interactions moving forward
Fighting with positive resolutions can lead to greater relationship satisfaction as you become more honest, relieve relationship tension and communicate your needs and expectation.
Healthy fighting might involve:
Active listening and an attempt to understand your partner’s perspective; rather than waiting for them to finish so the you can respond, listen to what they’re saying and take a breath (with a “hmmm”) after everything they say.
Positive interactions even when you disagree (e.g. letting your partner know that you love them and want to resolve the issue, physical affection, contemplation before responding, an attempt to make up after); the most important time to be loving and affectionate is when things are tense. Even when you’re mad or frustrated, if you can reach out and let them know that you care (e.g. put your hand on theirs), you’ll find that your fights are less intense and more resolvable.
Writing down your concerns, fears and expectations and sharing them openly with your partner; some people advise against arguing via text as it lacks tone and nuance, but I see many couples who resolve issues while typing. It might be a generational issue (younger folks are more accustomed to communicating and expressing themselves via text), but I see a number of benefits including the ability to reread what you’ve written and communicate emotions using emojis.
An opportunity for both parties to speak and listen;
Acknowledging your role in the conflict first. We have a tendency to blame others first (it’s a near-universal defence mechanism), but those who fight fairly take a moment to reflect on what they did to contribute to the current conflict or disagreement. Mea culpa is a powerful conflict resolution approach.
A desire to reach resolution and improve understanding as opposed to a desire to win an argument. If you want to be right, you don’t really want to resolve the conflict. There isn’t always a right and wrong and if you’re stuck in this mindset, you’ll likely find that your fights result in lingering tension as opposed to improved understanding.
Specific action items: at the end of an argument, do you identify what you can do differently moving forward? Specific behavioural changes can improve your relationship and help you become a better person/partner.
Unhealthy fighting might involve:
The same topics over and over with little behavioural and/or attitudinal change to follow
Attempts to “win” an argument as opposed to bids to improve understanding
Snide or underhanded remarks; muttering under your breath
Conversation-killing statements like “I guess I should just leave. You’d be happier without me.” Or, “Stop acting crazy!” These types of statements don’t move the conversation along and they’re certainly not underpinned by love. Healthy fights allow you to relieve tension with the goal of improving your relationship and deepening the loving connection.
If you’re ready to improve and invest in your relationship check out our online learning courses here. You can learn to be a better communicator, get more of what you want and maintain the spark for years to come.Jess’ husband Brandon joins her to talk about their fights -- the good, the bad and the ugly. - Fighting with your partner is not a sign that your relationship is doomed. In fact, the happiest couples fight and there are benefits to fighting: - Jess’ husband Brandon joins her to talk about their fights -- the good, the bad and the ugly.<br />
<br />
Fighting with your partner is not a sign that your relationship is doomed. In fact, the happiest couples fight and there are benefits to fighting:<br />
<br />
Smaller fights may help to stave off bigger conflicts in the long run<br />
Fighting helps us to adjust our behaviour in order to have more productive and loving interactions moving forward<br />
Fighting with positive resolutions can lead to greater relationship satisfaction as you become more honest, relieve relationship tension and communicate your needs and expectation.<br />
<br />
Healthy fighting might involve:<br />
<br />
Active listening and an attempt to understand your partner’s perspective; rather than waiting for them to finish so the you can respond, listen to what they’re saying and take a breath (with a “hmmm”) after everything they say.<br />
Positive interactions even when you disagree (e.g. letting your partner know that you love them and want to resolve the issue, physical affection, contemplation before responding, an attempt to make up after); the most important time to be loving and affectionate is when things are tense. Even when you’re mad or frustrated, if you can reach out and let them know that you care (e.g. put your hand on theirs), you’ll find that your fights are less intense and more resolvable.<br />
Writing down your concerns, fears and expectations and sharing them openly with your partner; some people advise against arguing via text as it lacks tone and nuance, but I see many couples who resolve issues while typing. It might be a generational issue (younger folks are more accustomed to communicating and expressing themselves via text), but I see a number of benefits including the ability to reread what you’ve written and communicate emotions using emojis.<br />
An opportunity for both parties to speak and listen;<br />
Acknowledging your role in the conflict first. We have a tendency to blame others first (it’s a near-universal defence mechanism), but those who fight fairly take a moment to reflect on what they did to contribute to the current conflict or disagreement. Mea culpa is a powerful conflict resolution approach.<br />
A desire to reach resolution and improve understanding as opposed to a desire to win an argument. If you want to be right, you don’t really want to resolve the conflict. There isn’t always a right and wrong and if you’re stuck in this mindset, you’ll likely find that your fights result in lingering tension as opposed to improved understanding.<br />
Specific action items: at the end of an argument, do you identify what you can do differently moving forward? Specific behavioural changes can improve your relationship and help you become a better person/partner.<br />
<br />
Unhealthy fighting might involve:<br />
<br />
The same topics over and over with little behavioural and/or attitudinal change to follow<br />
Attempts to “win” an argument as opposed to bids to improve understanding<br />
Snide or underhanded remarks; muttering under your breath<br />
Conversation-killing statements like “I guess I should just leave. You’d be happier without me.” Or, “Stop acting crazy!” These types of statements don’t move the conversation along and they’re certainly not underpinned by love. Healthy fights allow you to relieve tension with the goal of improving your relationship and deepening the loving connection.<br />
<br />
If you’re ready to improve and invest in your relationship check out our online learning courses here. You can learn to be a better communicator, get more of what you want and maintain the spark for years to come.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean33:29A Sexologist’s Guide to Kissinghttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/08/a-sexologists-guide-to-kissing/
Fri, 04 Aug 2017 13:00:07 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=6610Kissing is more than a means to an end! If you want to take your kissing game to the next level, listen to this quickie episode and try out some of Jess’ favourite techniques tonight.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.
Partial Podcast Transcript Below:
Kissing is apparently not a natural act - meaning that it hasn’t existed since the beginning of human time. I know that it seems to us that it’s a totally innate behaviour, historians and evolutionary researches suggest that it actually emerged from maternal feeding routines. In fact, many cultures have prospered without locking lips which serves as a reminder that kissing is an erotic art as opposed to a reproductive imperative.
From a scientific perspective — even though it’s not innate — it’s likely that kissing may have been found to find its way into the mating game eventually. Not only does locking lips result in a flurry of feel-good hormones that promote relaxation and bonding, but from an evolutionary perspective, kissing may help us to gauge compatibility and other attributes of potential mates through our olfactory system. One study revealed that women prefer men whose scents contain immune genes (histocompatibility complex) that are different than their own. Scientists believe that this instinctive desire for genetic difference serves the evolutionary function of ensuring stronger offspring. Accordingly, the degree of chemistry you experience when you first kiss, may be an indicator of compatibility measured by your nose as opposed to your mouth or other body parts.
Kissing also involves the swapping of saliva, which contains testosterone, and this hormone is associated with libido. In conjunction with other research suggesting that men are more likely than women to seek and initiate deep tongue kissing, this may explain some of the gender differences in perceptions of kissing: while men tend to utilize making out as a means to an end (sex), women view kissing as a barometer with which to gauge their lover’s commitment and monitor their relationship status.
However you view it, smooching plays a prominent role in seduction, romantic attachment, and sexual arousal. Unfortunately, in long-term relationships, we often stop kissing or push passionate kissing aside in favor of other forms of foreplay. And while there is no universal hierarchy of sex acts, research suggests that kissing is not only good for your health but also promotes happier relationships. In one study, conducted by behavioral scientist Kerry Floyd, couples who were instructed to kiss more often reported fewer fights, greater relationship satisfaction, less stress and lower cholesterol in comparison to couples who received no instruction with regard to kissing. In addition to lowering cortisol levels (which reduces stress), kissing has also been linked with improvements to the parasympathetic nervous system, which is essential to sexual response.
Despite the mounting evidence that locking lips is good for you and your love life, mastering the art of kissing and keeping things fresh can be a challenge. So read through the following suggestions and techniques to learn a few new tricks designed to keep you happy, healthy and very much in love for years to come...
The Soft-Lipped Kiss
Some people believe that the world is divided into two types of kissers: soft-lipped and firm-lipped. But the reality is that our sexual style varies according to our mood just as our appetite changes from day to day. If your lover seeks romance and often needs help relaxing to get in the mood, slide your lips gently against theirs with only feather-light contact. Take your time and gently pucker their lower lip between yours allowing your gentle breathing to slow their breath rate and send their body into a state of deep relaxation.
Lip Lining
Give your honey a peek into your oral skills as you masterfully trace your tongue around the curves of their lips paying extra atte...Kissing is more than a means to an end! If you want to take your kissing game to the next level, listen to this quickie episode and try out some of Jess’ favourite techniques tonight. - This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. - Kissing is more than a means to an end! If you want to take your kissing game to the next level, listen to this quickie episode and try out some of Jess’ favourite techniques tonight.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. <br />
<br />
Partial Podcast Transcript Below:<br />
<br />
Kissing is apparently not a natural act - meaning that it hasn’t existed since the beginning of human time. I know that it seems to us that it’s a totally innate behaviour, historians and evolutionary researches suggest that it actually emerged from maternal feeding routines. In fact, many cultures have prospered without locking lips which serves as a reminder that kissing is an erotic art as opposed to a reproductive imperative.<br />
<br />
From a scientific perspective — even though it’s not innate — it’s likely that kissing may have been found to find its way into the mating game eventually. Not only does locking lips result in a flurry of feel-good hormones that promote relaxation and bonding, but from an evolutionary perspective, kissing may help us to gauge compatibility and other attributes of potential mates through our olfactory system. One study revealed that women prefer men whose scents contain immune genes (histocompatibility complex) that are different than their own. Scientists believe that this instinctive desire for genetic difference serves the evolutionary function of ensuring stronger offspring. Accordingly, the degree of chemistry you experience when you first kiss, may be an indicator of compatibility measured by your nose as opposed to your mouth or other body parts.<br />
<br />
Kissing also involves the swapping of saliva, which contains testosterone, and this hormone is associated with libido. In conjunction with other research suggesting that men are more likely than women to seek and initiate deep tongue kissing, this may explain some of the gender differences in perceptions of kissing: while men tend to utilize making out as a means to an end (sex), women view kissing as a barometer with which to gauge their lover’s commitment and monitor their relationship status.<br />
<br />
However you view it, smooching plays a prominent role in seduction, romantic attachment, and sexual arousal. Unfortunately, in long-term relationships, we often stop kissing or push passionate kissing aside in favor of other forms of foreplay. And while there is no universal hierarchy of sex acts, research suggests that kissing is not only good for your health but also promotes happier relationships. In one study, conducted by behavioral scientist Kerry Floyd, couples who were instructed to kiss more often reported fewer fights, greater relationship satisfaction, less stress and lower cholesterol in comparison to couples who received no instruction with regard to kissing. In addition to lowering cortisol levels (which reduces stress), kissing has also been linked with improvements to the parasympathetic nervous system, which is essential to sexual response.<br />
<br />
Despite the mounting evidence that locking lips is good for you and your love life, mastering the art of kissing and keeping things fresh can be a challenge. So read through the following suggestions and techniques to learn a few new tricks designed to keep you happy, healthy and very much in love for years to come...<br />
<br />
The Soft-Lipped Kiss<br />
<br />
Some people believe that the world is divided into two types of kissers: soft-lipped and firm-lipped. But the reality is that our sexual style varies according to our mood just as our appetite changes from day to day. If your lover seeks romance and often needs help relaxing to get in the mood, slide your lips gently against theirs with only feather-light contact. Take your time and gently pucker their lower lip between yours allowing your gentle breathing to slow their breath rate and send their body into a state of deep relaxation.<br />
<br />
Lip Lining<br />
Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean21:57The Science of Passionate Relationshipshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/08/the-science-of-passionate-relationships/
Tue, 01 Aug 2017 13:00:13 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=6589Do you want more PASSION in your relationship? How about in the bedroom? Who doesn't? Jess has some very specific tips for you. First, she breaks down the science (it’s simple & essential to understand the chemistry of love first) and then she shares some of her favourite tips for (re)igniting the spark.
For more info, check out these handouts!
Do you want more PASSION in your relationship? How about in the bedroom? Who doesn't? Jess has some very specific tips for you. First, she breaks down the science (it’s simple & essential to understand the chemistry of love first) and then she shares s...Do you want more PASSION in your relationship? How about in the bedroom? Who doesn't? Jess has some very specific tips for you. First, she breaks down the science (it’s simple & essential to understand the chemistry of love first) and then she shares some of her favourite tips for (re)igniting the spark.<br />
<br />
For more info, check out these handouts!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean23:09The Secret to a Happy Relationshiphttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/06/the-secret-to-a-happy-relationship/
Wed, 28 Jun 2017 19:36:55 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=6463I’m excited about this one! Last week I caught up with my friend, former co-worker, super mom, loving wife and Real Housewives of Toronto cast member, Grego Minot. We discuss the secret to a happy relationship and she dishes on love, passion and her new reality as a “real housewife”. Her hubby (and my former boss) Pierre Jutras also drops in for a surprise chat.
Follow Grego on...
Instagram
Twitter
FacebookI’m excited about this one! Last week I caught up with my friend, former co-worker, super mom, loving wife and Real Housewives of Toronto cast member, Grego Minot. We discuss the secret to a happy relationship and she dishes on love,I’m excited about this one! Last week I caught up with my friend, former co-worker, super mom, loving wife and Real Housewives of Toronto cast member, Grego Minot. We discuss the secret to a happy relationship and she dishes on love, passion and her new reality as a “real housewife”. Her hubby (and my former boss) Pierre Jutras also drops in for a surprise chat.<br />
<br />
Follow Grego on...<br />
<br />
Instagram <br />
<br />
Twitter<br />
<br />
FacebookDr. Jessica O'Reillyclean35:32STOP! Don’t Do Kegels!https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/06/pelvic-health/
Wed, 21 Jun 2017 13:00:38 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=6429This week, Jess is joined by Rachel Gelman, a pelvic floor physical therapist from San Francisco. Rachel shares her unique insight on pelvic floor health, sexual pain and the fact that Kegels are overprescribed. Tune in to find out if you should be doing Kegels.
Follow Rachel on Instagram here or on her website.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. This week, Jess is joined by Rachel Gelman, a pelvic floor physical therapist from San Francisco. Rachel shares her unique insight on pelvic floor health, sexual pain and the fact that Kegels are overprescribed.This week, Jess is joined by Rachel Gelman, a pelvic floor physical therapist from San Francisco. Rachel shares her unique insight on pelvic floor health, sexual pain and the fact that Kegels are overprescribed. Tune in to find out if you should be doing Kegels.<br />
<br />
Follow Rachel on Instagram here or on her website.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean31:28Sex Robots: Technology, Ethics & What The Future Holdshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/06/sex-robots-technology-ethics-what-the-future-holds/
Wed, 14 Jun 2017 17:29:13 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=6371Sex-bots are coming and the future is rather exciting! This week, Neil McArthur, The Director of the Centre for Applied Ethics from the University of Manitoba, joins us to discuss his research with sex robots. He shares his insights on the ethics of “using” sex robots and their potential benefits from a compassionate perspective.
Pre-order Neil's book on Amazon today!
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Sex-bots are coming and the future is rather exciting! This week, Neil McArthur, The Director of the Centre for Applied Ethics from the University of Manitoba, joins us to discuss his research with sex robots.Sex-bots are coming and the future is rather exciting! This week, Neil McArthur, The Director of the Centre for Applied Ethics from the University of Manitoba, joins us to discuss his research with sex robots. He shares his insights on the ethics of “using” sex robots and their potential benefits from a compassionate perspective.<br />
<br />
Pre-order Neil's book on Amazon today!<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean26:36One “Trick” To Revolutionize Your Sex Lifehttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/06/erotic-core-feeling/
Wed, 07 Jun 2017 16:40:49 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=6299In this week’s quickie episode, Jess describes how understanding your “Core Erotic Feeling” can improve your sex life. Whether you’re turned on by love, tenderness, humiliation or compliments, training your partner to evoke your core erotic feeling is key to a fulfilling sex life!
Podcast Transcript:
It’s not a trick at all. It’s a straightforward exercise you can do on your own and with your partner (if you have one) that really will revolutionize your sex life.
It involves learning to understand your core erotic feeling (CEF).
Your core erotic feeling is the feeling that you most strongly associated with sexual desire, arousal, pleasure, and fulfillment.
To help identify your CEF, answer this simple question: how do you need to feel in order to enjoy sex?
Do you need to feel loved? Relaxed? Appreciated? De-stressed? Desired? Sexy? Challenged? Threatened? Jealous? Subjugated? Powerful? Surprised?
This list is obviously non-exhaustive.
Your core erotic feeling is so intrinsically tied to your erotic script that you may not be able to imagine that someone else feels differently. It’s much like a Love Language.
Some of you may feel as though you don’t need to feel any particular emotion in order to get in the mood for sex — you’re always in the mood. Well good for you!
But you still have a core erotic feeling — the feeling that most intensifies your sexual pleasure.
You may want to answer the question: When I think of my hottest, most intense sexual experience(s), how did I feel?
Once you’ve identified your CEF, you need to identify how to cultivate this feeling. What does it take help you to feel relaxed, for example?
And then you need to communicate both your CEF and how to make you experience it to your partner so that they can be a part of the cultivation process.
Your core erotic feeling may be the experience of feeling desired. But conveying your CEF to your partner requires a bit more specificity. You might say, “Honey, I’ve figured it out! I need you to make me feel desired in order to really want and enjoy sex.”
Your partner might believe they understand you, but their idea of helping you to feel desired might be different than your own.
You might want them to look you up and down. Admire your every curve. Tell you that you’re irresistible.
Whereas they might believe that making you feel desired involves grabbing your boobs like a couple of bags of sand.
I’m exaggerating, but you can easily see the disconnect.
So in addition to identifying your CEF, you also need to specifically outline to your partner how they can evoke this feeling.
But remember, it’s not your partner’s job alone to activate your CEF. You play an even bigger role. You have to make yourself feel this way too!
If you’re CEF involves feeling sexy and desired, but you spend all day complaining about your body, you can’t expect your partner to undo all that damage.
Your CEF can change over time, but it doesn’t tend to change from day-to-day.
I’ll share my partner’s story to illustrate how your CEF may change:
When I met my partner, I quickly learned that feeling relaxed was key to his sexual desire and enjoyment. He needed to wind down and destress before sex was a possibility. We fell into a groove in which he made lifestyle adjustments to promote his own relaxation and I did what I could to help him de-stress.
But five years into our (now 16-year) relationship, everything changed…
In 2006, we visited a nude couples resort for the fist time. It was a highly erotic environment and everyone was very friendly. And though only half of the guests were in consensually non-monogamous relationships, some were also respectfully flirtatious Brandon, who is terribly attractive, received A LOT of attention.
Despite being ridiculously good looking, he has never really received a ton of attention (straight men, unfortunately, don’t often get to indulge in the feeling of being desired,In this week’s quickie episode, Jess describes how understanding your “Core Erotic Feeling” can improve your sex life. Whether you’re turned on by love, tenderness, humiliation or compliments, training your partner to evoke your core erotic feeling is ...In this week’s quickie episode, Jess describes how understanding your “Core Erotic Feeling” can improve your sex life. Whether you’re turned on by love, tenderness, humiliation or compliments, training your partner to evoke your core erotic feeling is key to a fulfilling sex life!<br />
<br />
Podcast Transcript:<br />
<br />
It’s not a trick at all. It’s a straightforward exercise you can do on your own and with your partner (if you have one) that really will revolutionize your sex life.<br />
<br />
It involves learning to understand your core erotic feeling (CEF).<br />
<br />
Your core erotic feeling is the feeling that you most strongly associated with sexual desire, arousal, pleasure, and fulfillment.<br />
<br />
To help identify your CEF, answer this simple question: how do you need to feel in order to enjoy sex?<br />
<br />
Do you need to feel loved? Relaxed? Appreciated? De-stressed? Desired? Sexy? Challenged? Threatened? Jealous? Subjugated? Powerful? Surprised?<br />
<br />
This list is obviously non-exhaustive.<br />
<br />
Your core erotic feeling is so intrinsically tied to your erotic script that you may not be able to imagine that someone else feels differently. It’s much like a Love Language.<br />
<br />
Some of you may feel as though you don’t need to feel any particular emotion in order to get in the mood for sex — you’re always in the mood. Well good for you!<br />
<br />
But you still have a core erotic feeling — the feeling that most intensifies your sexual pleasure.<br />
<br />
You may want to answer the question: When I think of my hottest, most intense sexual experience(s), how did I feel?<br />
<br />
Once you’ve identified your CEF, you need to identify how to cultivate this feeling. What does it take help you to feel relaxed, for example?<br />
<br />
And then you need to communicate both your CEF and how to make you experience it to your partner so that they can be a part of the cultivation process.<br />
<br />
Your core erotic feeling may be the experience of feeling desired. But conveying your CEF to your partner requires a bit more specificity. You might say, “Honey, I’ve figured it out! I need you to make me feel desired in order to really want and enjoy sex.”<br />
<br />
Your partner might believe they understand you, but their idea of helping you to feel desired might be different than your own.<br />
<br />
You might want them to look you up and down. Admire your every curve. Tell you that you’re irresistible.<br />
<br />
Whereas they might believe that making you feel desired involves grabbing your boobs like a couple of bags of sand.<br />
<br />
I’m exaggerating, but you can easily see the disconnect.<br />
<br />
So in addition to identifying your CEF, you also need to specifically outline to your partner how they can evoke this feeling.<br />
<br />
But remember, it’s not your partner’s job alone to activate your CEF. You play an even bigger role. You have to make yourself feel this way too!<br />
<br />
If you’re CEF involves feeling sexy and desired, but you spend all day complaining about your body, you can’t expect your partner to undo all that damage.<br />
<br />
Your CEF can change over time, but it doesn’t tend to change from day-to-day.<br />
<br />
I’ll share my partner’s story to illustrate how your CEF may change:<br />
<br />
When I met my partner, I quickly learned that feeling relaxed was key to his sexual desire and enjoyment. He needed to wind down and destress before sex was a possibility. We fell into a groove in which he made lifestyle adjustments to promote his own relaxation and I did what I could to help him de-stress.<br />
<br />
But five years into our (now 16-year) relationship, everything changed…<br />
<br />
In 2006, we visited a nude couples resort for the fist time. It was a highly erotic environment and everyone was very friendly. And though only half of the guests were in consensually non-mon...Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean20:14Former PlayboyTV Exec Tells All: Group Sex, Sex-On-Camera & Overcoming Body Image Issueshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/05/former-playboytv-exec-tells-all-group-sex-sex-on-camera-overcoming-body-image-issues/
Wed, 31 May 2017 13:00:03 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=6190This week, Jess speaks to her friend and former head of programming for Playboy TV, Wendy Miller. Listen to the pair reminisce about their days on set with Playboy TV, and many other shenanigans! This is one of Jess’ favourite interviews to date and not just because of all the talk of wine, gin and tonics, biting and strap-ons. Be sure to listen all the way to the end, as Wendy shares her story about overcoming body image issues as a ‘normal’ woman working in a world of Playboy bunnies.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. This week, Jess speaks to her friend and former head of programming for Playboy TV, Wendy Miller. Listen to the pair reminisce about their days on set with Playboy TV, and many other shenanigans! This is one of Jess’ favourite interviews to date and no...This week, Jess speaks to her friend and former head of programming for Playboy TV, Wendy Miller. Listen to the pair reminisce about their days on set with Playboy TV, and many other shenanigans! This is one of Jess’ favourite interviews to date and not just because of all the talk of wine, gin and tonics, biting and strap-ons. Be sure to listen all the way to the end, as Wendy shares her story about overcoming body image issues as a ‘normal’ woman working in a world of Playboy bunnies.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean51:43Your Guide to G-Spots & Squirtinghttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/05/your-guide-to-g-spots-squirting/
Thu, 25 May 2017 17:07:15 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=6151This week’s episode is a wet one! Jess shares the science of G-Spots & squirting along with techniques you can try tonight. She answers common questions including: Can all women squirt? Is the G-Spot a real thing? Is female ejaculate pee? How can I get my partner to squirt? What is the Vagus nerve?
If you’d rather read about the G-Spot and Squirting, check out some summary notes from The New Sex Bible below:
The G-Spot
This sensitive area accessible through the upper wall of the vagina (toward the stomach) has enjoyed its share of controversy over the years. Dr. Beverly Whipple named the G-Spot after Dr. Ernst Grafenberg, M.D., who previously described it as a “distinct erotogenic zone” on the anterior vaginal wall along the urethra that responds to sexual stimulation. The G-Spot is an area marked by many sensitive nerve pathways, tissues and organs, but it is not a distinct entity, nor is it located inside of the vagina; Dr. Whipple clarifies that it can be felt through the vagina and when stimulated, the tissue begins to swell. As opposed to being a singular organ, it is believed that its sensitivity is connected to corollary stimulation of the female prostate (previously referred to as Skene’s glands), urethral sponge and inner clitoris.
Remember that the G-Spot isn’t a distinct organ, but an area of the body that is associated with the release of fluids. Each woman’s experience with the G-Spot is unique and the degree of pleasure associated with this sensitive area can vary according to a number of factors including arousal levels and monthly cycle. I’ve heard women describe G-Spot stimulation as irritating, weird, neutral, tickling, euphoric, sensational and unbelievably titillating. The bottom line is that there is no right way to experience pleasure and no two bodies respond in the exact same way.
Sex Tip From The Pros
Though squirting isn’t a sideshow trick and not every woman will experience the same degree of ejaculation, you can encourage fluid expulsion by bearing down with your PC muscles. As you approach orgasm, take a few deep breaths as you “push out” with the muscles around your vagina. Relax and allow your body to respond naturally resting assured that the amount of liquid is not necessarily commensurate with your experience of pleasure.
There seems to be a great deal of misinformation floating around about female ejaculation, but the expulsion of fluid from the urethra is a fairly well-documented phenomenon. Not only do early sexual texts including the Kama Sutra reference women’s ability to expel fluid during sex, but the latest research reveals that the skene’s glands, which are a part of the G-Spot and drain into the urethra, are homologous to the prostate gland in men. G-Spot ejaculation, like prostate ejaculation, is a sexually-induced reaction that may or may not coincide with orgasm.
Mainstream porn may tout this “spraying” sensation as some sort of a sideshow trick, but in reality, the fluid expelled is usually less than a teaspoon in volume and doesn’t usually squirt across the room. Some women and their lovers are concerned that the fluid they discharge is urine, however, studies confirm that its contents are similar to male prostatic fluid. It has been found to contain prostatic-specific antigen, prostatic acid phosphatase, urea, creatinine, glucose and fructose. Some describe it as sweet tasting and others say that the taste is rather subdued.
The concern with regard to urinating during sex can sometimes inhibit our sexual response and limit women’s experiences of pleasure with the G-Spot and ejaculation. The skene’s glands are embedded in the spongey tissue that surrounds the urethra between the vagina and the bladder. It is therefore common for women to feel as though they have to pee when the G-Spot is stimulated through the vagina or the abdominal wall. Many of us tense up, contract our pelvic floor muscles or cease stimulation altogether in reaction to this sens...This week’s episode is a wet one! Jess shares the science of G-Spots & squirting along with techniques you can try tonight. She answers common questions including: Can all women squirt? Is the G-Spot a real thing? Is female ejaculate pee?This week’s episode is a wet one! Jess shares the science of G-Spots & squirting along with techniques you can try tonight. She answers common questions including: Can all women squirt? Is the G-Spot a real thing? Is female ejaculate pee? How can I get my partner to squirt? What is the Vagus nerve?<br />
<br />
If you’d rather read about the G-Spot and Squirting, check out some summary notes from The New Sex Bible below:<br />
<br />
The G-Spot<br />
<br />
This sensitive area accessible through the upper wall of the vagina (toward the stomach) has enjoyed its share of controversy over the years. Dr. Beverly Whipple named the G-Spot after Dr. Ernst Grafenberg, M.D., who previously described it as a “distinct erotogenic zone” on the anterior vaginal wall along the urethra that responds to sexual stimulation. The G-Spot is an area marked by many sensitive nerve pathways, tissues and organs, but it is not a distinct entity, nor is it located inside of the vagina; Dr. Whipple clarifies that it can be felt through the vagina and when stimulated, the tissue begins to swell. As opposed to being a singular organ, it is believed that its sensitivity is connected to corollary stimulation of the female prostate (previously referred to as Skene’s glands), urethral sponge and inner clitoris.<br />
<br />
Remember that the G-Spot isn’t a distinct organ, but an area of the body that is associated with the release of fluids. Each woman’s experience with the G-Spot is unique and the degree of pleasure associated with this sensitive area can vary according to a number of factors including arousal levels and monthly cycle. I’ve heard women describe G-Spot stimulation as irritating, weird, neutral, tickling, euphoric, sensational and unbelievably titillating. The bottom line is that there is no right way to experience pleasure and no two bodies respond in the exact same way.<br />
<br />
Sex Tip From The Pros<br />
<br />
Though squirting isn’t a sideshow trick and not every woman will experience the same degree of ejaculation, you can encourage fluid expulsion by bearing down with your PC muscles. As you approach orgasm, take a few deep breaths as you “push out” with the muscles around your vagina. Relax and allow your body to respond naturally resting assured that the amount of liquid is not necessarily commensurate with your experience of pleasure.<br />
<br />
There seems to be a great deal of misinformation floating around about female ejaculation, but the expulsion of fluid from the urethra is a fairly well-documented phenomenon. Not only do early sexual texts including the Kama Sutra reference women’s ability to expel fluid during sex, but the latest research reveals that the skene’s glands, which are a part of the G-Spot and drain into the urethra, are homologous to the prostate gland in men. G-Spot ejaculation, like prostate ejaculation, is a sexually-induced reaction that may or may not coincide with orgasm.<br />
<br />
Mainstream porn may tout this “spraying” sensation as some sort of a sideshow trick, but in reality, the fluid expelled is usually less than a teaspoon in volume and doesn’t usually squirt across the room. Some women and their lovers are concerned that the fluid they discharge is urine, however, studies confirm that its contents are similar to male prostatic fluid. It has been found to contain prostatic-specific antigen, prostatic acid phosphatase, urea, creatinine, glucose and fructose. Some describe it as sweet tasting and others say that the taste is rather subdued.<br />
<br />
The concern with regard to urinating during sex can sometimes inhibit our sexual response and limit women’s experiences of pleasure with the G-Spot and ejaculation. The skene’s glands are embedded in the spongey tissue that surrounds the urethra between the vagina and the bladder. It is therefore common for women to feel as though they have to pee when the G-Spot is stimulated through the vagina or the abdominal wall.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean30:21Hotter Vacation Sex – Tips for the Long Weekendhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/05/hotter-vacation-sex-tips-for-the-long-weekend/
Wed, 17 May 2017 19:17:15 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=6125In this week’s quickie episode, Jess shares practical strategies for having hotter sex this weekend and as your summer vacation approaches. From the 50/50 rule to packed surprises, these specific suggestions should lead you into the long weekend ready for passion, intimacy, and steamy sex.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. In this week’s quickie episode, Jess shares practical strategies for having hotter sex this weekend and as your summer vacation approaches. From the 50/50 rule to packed surprises, these specific suggestions should lead you into the long weekend ready ...In this week’s quickie episode, Jess shares practical strategies for having hotter sex this weekend and as your summer vacation approaches. From the 50/50 rule to packed surprises, these specific suggestions should lead you into the long weekend ready for passion, intimacy, and steamy sex.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean15:53Jess & Megan Talk Masturbationhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/05/masturbation-talk/
Wed, 10 May 2017 13:00:04 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=5994In this week's podcast, Jess is joined by her friend and fellow sexologist, Megan Stubbs. Megan speaks candidly about her masturbation habits and laughs about getting "caught" by her friend before a coffee date. They both share tips for more fulfilling self- pleasure sessions (e.g. Conscious masturbation) and We-Vibe gives listeners a chance to win two of Theo new products: the Verge & the Pivot.
Holding degrees in Human Sexuality and Biology, Dr. Megan Stubbs is an energetic multi-media savvy Sexologist. She often hosts seminars, appears on television, speaks on radio and writes for many online and print publications. She believes that sex should be fun and uses her lighthearted, intelligent, and humorous delivery to make it happen.
Follow Megan on…
Facebook
Instagram
TwitterIn this week's podcast, Jess is joined by her friend and fellow sexologist, Megan Stubbs. Megan speaks candidly about her masturbation habits and laughs about getting "caught" by her friend before a coffee date.In this week's podcast, Jess is joined by her friend and fellow sexologist, Megan Stubbs. Megan speaks candidly about her masturbation habits and laughs about getting "caught" by her friend before a coffee date. They both share tips for more fulfilling self- pleasure sessions (e.g. Conscious masturbation) and We-Vibe gives listeners a chance to win two of Theo new products: the Verge & the Pivot.<br />
<br />
Holding degrees in Human Sexuality and Biology, Dr. Megan Stubbs is an energetic multi-media savvy Sexologist. She often hosts seminars, appears on television, speaks on radio and writes for many online and print publications. She believes that sex should be fun and uses her lighthearted, intelligent, and humorous delivery to make it happen.<br />
Follow Megan on…<br />
Facebook <br />
Instagram<br />
TwitterDr. Jessica O'Reillyclean24:16What Goes On At A Sex House?https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/05/sex-house/
Wed, 03 May 2017 13:00:49 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=5907This week, Jess welcomes Kenneth Play. Kenneth Play is a former fitness professional, sex educator and one of the founders of Hacienda Villa - a sex house in NYC. You’re probably thinking ‘what goes on in a sex house?’ You’ll have to listen to find out!
As mentioned in this episode, we must share one of Kenneth's hacks! Featuring Dr. Zhana, check out what tips the pair have when your date cancels last minute!
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How to deal with last minute date cancellation🤔🤷🏽‍♀️How to deal with last minute date cancellation
Posted by Kenneth Yim on Monday, February 27, 2017
Follow Kenneth on...
Twitter
Facebook
InstagramThis week, Jess welcomes Kenneth Play. Kenneth Play is a former fitness professional, sex educator and one of the founders of Hacienda Villa - a sex house in NYC. You’re probably thinking ‘what goes on in a sex house?This week, Jess welcomes Kenneth Play. Kenneth Play is a former fitness professional, sex educator and one of the founders of Hacienda Villa - a sex house in NYC. You’re probably thinking ‘what goes on in a sex house?’ You’ll have to listen to find out!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
As mentioned in this episode, we must share one of Kenneth's hacks! Featuring Dr. Zhana, check out what tips the pair have when your date cancels last minute!<br />
<br />
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<br />
How to deal with last minute date cancellation🤔🤷🏽‍♀️How to deal with last minute date cancellation<br />
<br />
Posted by Kenneth Yim on Monday, February 27, 2017<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Follow Kenneth on...<br />
<br />
Twitter<br />
<br />
Facebook <br />
<br />
InstagramDr. Jessica O'Reillyclean29:12Everything You Need to Know About Pee Playhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/04/golden-showers/
Wed, 26 Apr 2017 13:00:26 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=5677Stellar sex educator Luna Matatas joins Jess to talk about the taboo topic of pee play. Even if pee isn’t your cup of tea, you’ll learn some important lessons that you can apply to your sex life tonight.
Luna Matatas is a burlesque artist, sexuality educator and crafting goddess. She invites you to adore the art of burlesque through her shows and workshops. Luna celebrates femininity, sex-positivity and all things that glitter. Jess became an instant fan and we're sure you will too!
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FacebookStellar sex educator Luna Matatas joins Jess to talk about the taboo topic of pee play. Even if pee isn’t your cup of tea, you’ll learn some important lessons that you can apply to your sex life tonight. - Luna Matatas is a burlesque artist,Stellar sex educator Luna Matatas joins Jess to talk about the taboo topic of pee play. Even if pee isn’t your cup of tea, you’ll learn some important lessons that you can apply to your sex life tonight.<br />
<br />
Luna Matatas is a burlesque artist, sexuality educator and crafting goddess. She invites you to adore the art of burlesque through her shows and workshops. Luna celebrates femininity, sex-positivity and all things that glitter. Jess became an instant fan and we're sure you will too!<br />
<br />
Follow Luna on…<br />
Twitter<br />
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FacebookDr. Jessica O'Reillyclean25:28A Sexologist’s Husband Tells (Almost) Allhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/04/hubsand-tells-all/
Wed, 19 Apr 2017 13:00:46 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=5679This week Jess hosts her husband, Brandon Ware, for a tell-all on being married to a sexologist. He shares his thoughts on nude beaches, sex toys, public sex and more. Sit back and listen as Jess and Brandon walk you through their sexual journey.
Brandon Ware is a founding partner with The WareInToronto Group and is the top sales representative with Private Service Realty. He is passionate about his business and his warm personality, in-depth market knowledge and solid negotiation skills set him apart from others in the field.
Follow Brandon Ware on...
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See below for this episode's transcription...
Dr. Jess: Hi there! This is Jess O'Reilly I am Sex with Dr. Jess, your friendly neighborhood sexologist and shouldn't every neighborhood have a sexologist? I don't know, maybe my neighbors would beg to differ. I am here as always to help you cultivate sexual compatibility so that you can a happier, more meaningful, more loving relationship and of course compatibility is something that requires work. It is not about destiny and it's not about finding the right partner. It is about training your partner and treating yourself, to meet your partner's needs. It's that simple! Now today, I'm a little bit nervous and a little bit excited, because I have with me Mister hahah no Mister Sex with Dr. Jess.
Brandon: The man behind the woman.
Dr. Jess: The man behind the woman but really the man who stands beside me, and props me up.
Brandon: You want to be careful with where I’m standing.
Dr. Jess: Yeah. My husband, Brandon Ware, my life partner, the love of my life is with us. Brandon say hi.
Brandon: Hey everybody, how you doing?
Dr. Jess: He’s doing…
Brandon: I’m expecting a response.
Dr. Jess: He’s doing the Barry White voice…
Brandon: It’s White Barry. Are you doing there?
Dr. Jess: Hahah. Definitely Barry White. Hahaha. We are going to talk about our life, because one of the top questions I receive after, ‘hey is it normal that I like to put this up my butt?’ and the answer is yes.
Brandon: Hahah.
Dr. Jess: One of the top questions I received is, ‘what did your husband think about what you do?’ So babe let's start there, we're going to be talking about how working in the field of human sexuality impacts our relationship and our sex life. I don’t think we’re going to get too graphic.
Brandon: Nope.
Dr. Jess: But ultimately your life changes when something that is so pleasurable and also so tied your identity becomes your life's work. So we'll start with: Brandon and what do you think of my job?
Brandon: I think it's amazing. The positives definitely outweigh the negatives. Where do I even begin? There are so many things that we've been introduced to, exposed to, as a result of your job.
Dr. Jess: That’s good and bad?
Brandon: Um yeah it’s a bit of both.
Dr. Jess: Exposed sounds umm…
Brandon: Exposed isn’t the right word, maybe introduced to is the better terminology. I mean, let’s talk about Desire Resorts. That clothing-optional resort down on the Mayan Riviera.
Dr. Jess: Yeah so I talk about Desire a lot. It’s not just because I work with them, honestly it's because it was life changing for me. And I’ve talked about how it made the way I’ve felt about my body, but I also know Brandon's told me that, and I don’t think he’s told me in so many words because the first time we went there we were in our mid-twenties so it’s 11-12 years ago. Hahah Brandon is getting close to 40.
Brandon: Ya the countdown is on!
Dr. Jess: It’s okay you look younger and act younger. Too young. But I know it changed the way you look at women, so maybe you can talk about that, because the chance, the opportunity to go there is something that I think, really I only was confronted or encountered because I'm working in this field. So how does being around naked people and being in a playroom where people are actually having sex change our relationship?This week Jess hosts her husband, Brandon Ware, for a tell-all on being married to a sexologist. He shares his thoughts on nude beaches, sex toys, public sex and more. Sit back and listen as Jess and Brandon walk you through their sexual journey. - This week Jess hosts her husband, Brandon Ware, for a tell-all on being married to a sexologist. He shares his thoughts on nude beaches, sex toys, public sex and more. Sit back and listen as Jess and Brandon walk you through their sexual journey.<br />
<br />
Brandon Ware is a founding partner with The WareInToronto Group and is the top sales representative with Private Service Realty. He is passionate about his business and his warm personality, in-depth market knowledge and solid negotiation skills set him apart from others in the field.<br />
<br />
Follow Brandon Ware on...<br />
<br />
Twitter<br />
<br />
Instagram<br />
<br />
Facebook<br />
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See below for this episode's transcription...<br />
<br />
Dr. Jess: Hi there! This is Jess O'Reilly I am Sex with Dr. Jess, your friendly neighborhood sexologist and shouldn't every neighborhood have a sexologist? I don't know, maybe my neighbors would beg to differ. I am here as always to help you cultivate sexual compatibility so that you can a happier, more meaningful, more loving relationship and of course compatibility is something that requires work. It is not about destiny and it's not about finding the right partner. It is about training your partner and treating yourself, to meet your partner's needs. It's that simple! Now today, I'm a little bit nervous and a little bit excited, because I have with me Mister hahah no Mister Sex with Dr. Jess.<br />
<br />
Brandon: The man behind the woman.<br />
<br />
Dr. Jess: The man behind the woman but really the man who stands beside me, and props me up.<br />
<br />
Brandon: You want to be careful with where I’m standing.<br />
<br />
Dr. Jess: Yeah. My husband, Brandon Ware, my life partner, the love of my life is with us. Brandon say hi.<br />
<br />
Brandon: Hey everybody, how you doing?<br />
<br />
Dr. Jess: He’s doing…<br />
<br />
Brandon: I’m expecting a response.<br />
<br />
Dr. Jess: He’s doing the Barry White voice…<br />
<br />
Brandon: It’s White Barry. Are you doing there?<br />
<br />
Dr. Jess: Hahah. Definitely Barry White. Hahaha. We are going to talk about our life, because one of the top questions I receive after, ‘hey is it normal that I like to put this up my butt?’ and the answer is yes.<br />
<br />
Brandon: Hahah.<br />
<br />
Dr. Jess: One of the top questions I received is, ‘what did your husband think about what you do?’ So babe let's start there, we're going to be talking about how working in the field of human sexuality impacts our relationship and our sex life. I don’t think we’re going to get too graphic.<br />
<br />
Brandon: Nope.<br />
<br />
Dr. Jess: But ultimately your life changes when something that is so pleasurable and also so tied your identity becomes your life's work. So we'll start with: Brandon and what do you think of my job?<br />
<br />
Brandon: I think it's amazing. The positives definitely outweigh the negatives. Where do I even begin? There are so many things that we've been introduced to, exposed to, as a result of your job.<br />
<br />
Dr. Jess: That’s good and bad?<br />
<br />
Brandon: Um yeah it’s a bit of both.<br />
<br />
Dr. Jess: Exposed sounds umm…<br />
<br />
Brandon: Exposed isn’t the right word, maybe introduced to is the better terminology. I mean, let’s talk about Desire Resorts. That clothing-optional resort down on the Mayan Riviera.<br />
<br />
Dr. Jess: Yeah so I talk about Desire a lot. It’s not just because I work with them, honestly it's because it was life changing for me. And I’ve talked about how it made the way I’ve felt about my body, but I also know Brandon's told me that, and I don’t think he’s told me in so many words because the first time we went there we were in our mid-twenties so it’s 11-12 years ago. Hahah Brandon is getting close to 40.<br />
<br />
Brandon: Ya the countdown is on!<br />
<br />
Dr. Jess: It’s okay you look younger and act younger. Too young.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean18:12All About Full Body Orgasmshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2017/04/full-body-orgasms/
Wed, 12 Apr 2017 13:00:06 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=5553Dr. Jess hosts Sheri and Yvonne from Welcomed Consensus to discuss a few tools and techniques to achieve the perfect full body orgasm!
Sheri is a founding member of the Welcomed Consensus. Through her research she discovered the effect of telling the truth about her desire and how essential communication is to having gratifying relationships and orgasm. Yvonne's writing focuses on pleasurable menopause giving new perspectives and a gratifying outlook on midlife. Her goals of spreading the fun, having her own orgasm expand and training a man to produce better orgasm in her body inspired her to become an instructor. Learn more about the ladies here.
Follow Welcomed Consensus on...
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FacebookDr. Jess hosts Sheri and Yvonne from Welcomed Consensus to discuss a few tools and techniques to achieve the perfect full body orgasm! - Sheri is a founding member of the Welcomed Consensus. Through her research she discovered the effect of telling th...Dr. Jess hosts Sheri and Yvonne from Welcomed Consensus to discuss a few tools and techniques to achieve the perfect full body orgasm!<br />
<br />
Sheri is a founding member of the Welcomed Consensus. Through her research she discovered the effect of telling the truth about her desire and how essential communication is to having gratifying relationships and orgasm. Yvonne's writing focuses on pleasurable menopause giving new perspectives and a gratifying outlook on midlife. Her goals of spreading the fun, having her own orgasm expand and training a man to produce better orgasm in her body inspired her to become an instructor. Learn more about the ladies here.<br />
<br />
Follow Welcomed Consensus on...<br />
<br />
Twitter <br />
<br />
Instagram <br />
<br />
FacebookDr. Jessica O'Reillyclean25:54How To Fight Less (Over The Holidays)https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2016/12/how-to-fight-less-over-the-holidays/
Wed, 14 Dec 2016 14:00:29 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=5046It’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, but for many, the holidays mean more responsibility, more stress and more friction. In this week’s podcast, Dr. Oren Amitay joins host Jessica O'Reilly to share specific tips to reduce relationship strife and promote a happy, harmonious and HOT holiday season. Be warned — Dr. Jess may or may not sing her heart out in this episode…
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. It’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, but for many, the holidays mean more responsibility, more stress and more friction. In this week’s podcast, Dr. Oren Amitay joins host Jessica O'Reilly to share specific tips to reduce relationsh...It’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, but for many, the holidays mean more responsibility, more stress and more friction. In this week’s podcast, Dr. Oren Amitay joins host Jessica O'Reilly to share specific tips to reduce relationship strife and promote a happy, harmonious and HOT holiday season. Be warned — Dr. Jess may or may not sing her heart out in this episode…<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean26:02What To Do When The Sex Suckshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2016/12/what-to-do-when-the-sex-sucks/
Wed, 07 Dec 2016 14:00:48 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=5008Are you and your S.O. on the same page when it comes to sexual needs? Tune in to this episode of "Sex With Dr. Jess" with Sexologist and Relationship Expert Jessica O'Reilly for tips and tricks on how to communicate your sexual needs to your partner. Jessica interviews Jessica Maxwell, PhD Candidate, University of Toronto and debunks the myths of sexual chemistry.
Jessica Maxwell is a PhD Candidate at the University of Toronto studying the social psychology of romantic relationships & sexuality.
Follow Jessica Maxwell on Twitter.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.
Are you and your S.O. on the same page when it comes to sexual needs? Tune in to this episode of "Sex With Dr. Jess" with Sexologist and Relationship Expert Jessica O'Reilly for tips and tricks on how to communicate your sexual needs to your partner.Are you and your S.O. on the same page when it comes to sexual needs? Tune in to this episode of "Sex With Dr. Jess" with Sexologist and Relationship Expert Jessica O'Reilly for tips and tricks on how to communicate your sexual needs to your partner. Jessica interviews Jessica Maxwell, PhD Candidate, University of Toronto and debunks the myths of sexual chemistry.<br />
<br />
Jessica Maxwell is a PhD Candidate at the University of Toronto studying the social psychology of romantic relationships & sexuality.<br />
<br />
Follow Jessica Maxwell on Twitter.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean24:50How to Divorce-Proof Your Marriagehttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2016/11/the-d/
Wed, 30 Nov 2016 14:00:38 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=4998In this episode of "Sex With Dr. Jess," Sexologist and Relationship Expert Jessica O'Reilly talks about divorce: what are the signs, how do couples fight for their marriage, and what happens when a marriage fails. Are you and your spouse sexually compatible? Tune in to hear some tips on how to be compatible in the long run!
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. In this episode of "Sex With Dr. Jess," Sexologist and Relationship Expert Jessica O'Reilly talks about divorce: what are the signs, how do couples fight for their marriage, and what happens when a marriage fails.In this episode of "Sex With Dr. Jess," Sexologist and Relationship Expert Jessica O'Reilly talks about divorce: what are the signs, how do couples fight for their marriage, and what happens when a marriage fails. Are you and your spouse sexually compatible? Tune in to hear some tips on how to be compatible in the long run!<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean28:58The Key To a Happy Relationshiphttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2016/11/one-key-to-a-happy-relationship/
Wed, 23 Nov 2016 14:00:20 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=4952For many couples, the biggest buzzkill involves spending too much time together! In this episode of Sex With Dr. Jess, Sexologist and Relationship Expert Jessica O'Reilly recounts what it was like to start traveling for work and missing her husband. Being able to balance your time with your lover is an important part of a relationship; dates with your friends, personal time, and traveling for work are important not just for you, but your relationship.For many couples, the biggest buzzkill involves spending too much time together! In this episode of Sex With Dr. Jess, Sexologist and Relationship Expert Jessica O'Reilly recounts what it was like to start traveling for work and missing her husband.For many couples, the biggest buzzkill involves spending too much time together! In this episode of Sex With Dr. Jess, Sexologist and Relationship Expert Jessica O'Reilly recounts what it was like to start traveling for work and missing her husband. Being able to balance your time with your lover is an important part of a relationship; dates with your friends, personal time, and traveling for work are important not just for you, but your relationship.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean20:04Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eaterhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2016/11/cheater-cheater-pumpkin-eater/
Wed, 16 Nov 2016 14:00:15 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=4926Let's talk about cheaters. Whether motivated by narcissism, commitment issues, or insecurity, Sexologist and Relationship Expert Jessica O'Reilly discusses the reasons why people cheat. Can you still be a good person after you've cheated?Let's talk about cheaters. Whether motivated by narcissism, commitment issues, or insecurity, Sexologist and Relationship Expert Jessica O'Reilly discusses the reasons why people cheat. Can you still be a good person after you've cheated?Let's talk about cheaters. Whether motivated by narcissism, commitment issues, or insecurity, Sexologist and Relationship Expert Jessica O'Reilly discusses the reasons why people cheat. Can you still be a good person after you've cheated?Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean28:43Sugar Baby Bares Allhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2016/11/sugar-baby-bears-all/
Wed, 09 Nov 2016 14:00:56 +0000https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=4875Are you curious about the life and experiences of a sugar baby? In this episode of Sex With Dr. Jess, Sexologist and Relationship Expert Jessica O'Reilly interviews Brooke. Brooke speaks candidly about her relationship with her sugar daddy, comparing it to “traditional” relationships.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Are you curious about the life and experiences of a sugar baby? In this episode of Sex With Dr. Jess, Sexologist and Relationship Expert Jessica O'Reilly interviews Brooke. Brooke speaks candidly about her relationship with her sugar daddy,Are you curious about the life and experiences of a sugar baby? In this episode of Sex With Dr. Jess, Sexologist and Relationship Expert Jessica O'Reilly interviews Brooke. Brooke speaks candidly about her relationship with her sugar daddy, comparing it to “traditional” relationships.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean34:11Sexism Has No Place in Sexhttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2016/11/sexism-has-no-place-in-sex/
Wed, 02 Nov 2016 15:53:30 +0000http://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=4843Sexism contributes to fewer, poorer orgasms! If you want bigger, better, more frequent orgasms, you need to let go of your sexist beliefs and take matters into your own hands first. In this episode of Sex With Dr. Jess, with Sexologist and Relationship Expert Jessica O’Reilly addresses everyone - men and women alike - and challenges them to look at how sexism is taking a toll on their sexual relationship all in the name of the Big Ohhh!Sexism contributes to fewer, poorer orgasms! If you want bigger, better, more frequent orgasms, you need to let go of your sexist beliefs and take matters into your own hands first. In this episode of Sex With Dr. Jess,Sexism contributes to fewer, poorer orgasms! If you want bigger, better, more frequent orgasms, you need to let go of your sexist beliefs and take matters into your own hands first. In this episode of Sex With Dr. Jess, with Sexologist and Relationship Expert Jessica O’Reilly addresses everyone - men and women alike - and challenges them to look at how sexism is taking a toll on their sexual relationship all in the name of the Big Ohhh!Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean17:57Decency Trumps Hatehttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2016/10/decency-trumps-hate/
Wed, 26 Oct 2016 14:00:42 +0000http://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=4784In this episode of Sex With Dr. Jess, Sexologist and Relationship Expert Dr. Jessica O'Reilly discusses the recently unearthed recording of Donald Trump in which he brags about "[grabbing] them by the pussy." She shares some the daily messages she receives from her "fans" and discusses the problem with sending unsolicited sexually explicit messages. She also provides actionable tips for chatting & hooking up online.
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. In this episode of Sex With Dr. Jess, Sexologist and Relationship Expert Dr. Jessica O'Reilly discusses the recently unearthed recording of Donald Trump in which he brags about "[grabbing] them by the pussy.In this episode of Sex With Dr. Jess, Sexologist and Relationship Expert Dr. Jessica O'Reilly discusses the recently unearthed recording of Donald Trump in which he brags about "[grabbing] them by the pussy." She shares some the daily messages she receives from her "fans" and discusses the problem with sending unsolicited sexually explicit messages. She also provides actionable tips for chatting & hooking up online.<br />
<br />
This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean24:19Sexual Compatibility: How to Fulfill Each Other’s Needshttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2016/10/sexual-compatibility-how-to-fulfill-each-others-needs/
Mon, 17 Oct 2016 14:50:40 +0000http://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=4736In this episode of Sex With Dr. Jess, Sexologist and Relationship Expert Dr. Jessica O'Reilly speaks about sexual compatibility and its importance to developing a healthy, happy relationship both in and out of the bedroom. She talks candidly about her exes and shares tips on improving your relationship and analyzing your compatibility.In this episode of Sex With Dr. Jess, Sexologist and Relationship Expert Dr. Jessica O'Reilly speaks about sexual compatibility and its importance to developing a healthy, happy relationship both in and out of the bedroom.In this episode of Sex With Dr. Jess, Sexologist and Relationship Expert Dr. Jessica O'Reilly speaks about sexual compatibility and its importance to developing a healthy, happy relationship both in and out of the bedroom. She talks candidly about her exes and shares tips on improving your relationship and analyzing your compatibility.Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean23:08Your Ride Might Hold The Key to Lovehttps://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2016/02/your-ride-might-hold-the-key-to-love/
Thu, 11 Feb 2016 05:07:20 +0000http://www.sexwithdrjess.com/?p=4047Breaking the bank on an exotic car won’t increase your chances of being lucky in love, according to the findings of a recent autoTRADER.ca survey that explores the connection between romantic desirability and vehicle choice. In fact, Canadians claim to be more attracted to utility, practicality and frugality over luxury and flash when it comes to what a prospective lover is driving.
Read the full article here.
Recently, I chatted with Colin and Courtney on Rock 88.9 FM about AutoTrader's survey results. Have a listen here:Breaking the bank on an exotic car won’t increase your chances of being lucky in love, according to the findings of a recent autoTRADER.ca survey that explores the connection between romantic desirability and vehicle choice. In fact,Breaking the bank on an exotic car won’t increase your chances of being lucky in love, according to the findings of a recent autoTRADER.ca survey that explores the connection between romantic desirability and vehicle choice. In fact, Canadians claim to be more attracted to utility, practicality and frugality over luxury and flash when it comes to what a prospective lover is driving.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Read the full article here.<br />
<br />
Recently, I chatted with Colin and Courtney on Rock 88.9 FM about AutoTrader's survey results. Have a listen here:Dr. Jessica O'Reillyclean