Jennifer Love Hewitt Is Pregnant, And You’re About To Google ‘Brian Hallisay’

With most stars, when I’m at work and I see online that a pregnancy has been announced, my heart does a little flippy-flip and my brain is like, “Ooh I gotta get that post up quick-shakes!” But with Jennifer Love Hewitt‘s announcement of the bun in her own oven, all that happened was a quick foray over to Google to answer the question, “Um, hey Google, who is Jennifer Love Hewitt dating and also where’s my nearest Chipotle?” You see, I know enough science to realize that in order for JLH to be pregnant, that sperms must have entered her body and made her so, just the thing is that I forgot to care enough about her lately to know whose sperm that was likely to be.

Turns out said jizzums likely came from her boyfriend and The Client Listcostar Brian Hallisay, a thirty-four year old actor originally from Washington DC about to experience his very first Google blip. (Don’t be nervous, Brian. It feels just like a cross between a sneeze and a bee sting, more like a pinch than anything, and it’ll be over in no time.) Jennifer is apparently about three months pregnant, meaning that we can all look forward to at minimum six tasteful months of breast and breast milk jokes flooding Twitter until the males of the world go back to forgetting JLH exists outside the 90s. In a publicist-released statement, the couple said:

“Jennifer Love Hewitt is Jennifer Love Pregnant, you guys!”

No, they didn’t. That’s not what they said. That’s just how I would constantly release statements if I was known by three names and one of them was ‘Love’. What they really said was much more traditional and much less interesting:

“This is a wonderful time and we are looking forward to starting our family together.”

Previously, Jennifer has been linked via serious relationships to people like Ross McCall, Jamie Kennedy, Alex Beh and Carson Daly, only two of whom necessitated an additional trip to Google just now, and none of whom ever made Jennifer Love Hewitt great with child.