Pretty Little Liars Recap: Was Ezra Ali's Boyfriend?!

TeamPLL, sorry for being MIA last week, but I was in L.A, and now I'm back with a tan. J/K! I'm black, so I've always been this color. ANYWAY, the point is I've returned just in time for us to discuss all the shenanigans that went down during last night's episode entitled "Bite Your Tongue," which was far better than last week's episode but still managed to feel like nothing really happened. Let's get to it.

We begin with Aria and Emily arriving at Aria's crib and talking about Spencer. Em's still mad that Spence snooped on her and Ali, and Aria tells Em to build a bridge and get over in the nicest way possible. Before Em has a chance to do that, they enter the house and find a party going on thanks to Mike. Aria rips him a new one and says he has to end the party in 10 minutes. UGH, Aria:

I mean, girlfriend is sleeping with the dude who's probably going to kill her and all her friends, yet she's pissed about Mike's tame-ass party? The people were just standing there and eating pizza. I'm sorry, more craziness goes down at my annual Pap smear than at this "party." Take a chill pill, Aria.

Moving on, Spence is trying to decode passages from Ali's diary, so she calls Hanna. Hanna thinks they should quit focusing on the diary and instead follow the trail that leads to A's cover up re: the dead body in Ali's grave in the hopes of that bringing them to "A:"

Back at Aria's place, Em and Aria go upstairs to find Mona in her bedroom:

Mo says she was invited to the party and takes her trifling behind back downstairs.

The next morning, Aria asks Mike about Mona, and he says they're in a group together at school and share the same friends. Aria is not feeling that answer, and all I can think is:

because Aria's outfit is really cute in this scene, so it distracts me from focusing on the emotional argument.

Em's dad tells her that the mechanic checked on her car and said it was just a computer glitch and it now runs perfectly fine. He's concerned about how tense she is lately, and she blames it on being senior year and that she's just going to ride her bike to school instead. Then she walks out on him and leaves the room. #RealTalk, everyone's parenting skills on this show is a:

He shouldn't be letting her go to school by herself after all the times she's been injured and almost killed. Get your life, Papa Fields, and keep an eye on your daughter!

Anyway, we're now at school. Ezra is dealing with his non-baby mama, Maggie. She's back in town to deal with her former landlord, but she decided to leave Malcolm back in Seattle. Ez pretty much responds the way I do when my boyfriend goes grocery shopping and gets everything in the damn store except for the Kashi cereal I asked for:

Like, really? How are you going to pretend like Ez would even waste one breath talking to you if it weren't in the hopes of seeing Malcolm? Before I get an answer to my question, Aria interrupts and Maggie leaves.

Hanna, who instead of making out with hot dudes to get over Caleb is now reading crime novels by James Patterson, is greeted by Officer Hot Dude (I'm not going to IMDb to look up his character's name). He says that he hopes she and Ashley are OK after all he put them through because of the Wilden investigation:

Hanna then goes to meet Em at school and says they need more evidence that "A" shorted out Em's car that night in the woods. Spencer comes over, but Em ignores her and walks away:

Next, we see Mike and Mona quasi canoodling. Aria confronts Mona, and I'm like

Sorry, it's just that we're 10 minutes in and nothing juicy has happened yet. The last thing I need right now is another fight in which Mona complains about the Liars leaving her out of stuff. #BeenThereDoneThat

Mona goes to see Ezra (barf!) while Aria visits Jesse, the new school counselor Mo was raving about. He tries to get her to join the group, and she just wants Jesse to stop encouraging the Mo/Mike friendship, but Jesse doesn't get it:

As Ezra is sending a text to someone about Ali, Papa Fields pops in the room. He asks Ez to help Em get back on track:

Great! Just freaking great. Now Ez is probably going to kill Em.

Spence and Andrew are studying for a physics exam, and that's when she reveals that she didn't ask him there to study—she's been watching him. She wants him to give her some drugs so she can stay and do all her schoolwork. Uhhhh, did this chick not watch Saved by the Bell?

Anyway, he gives her some pills. This is not going to end well...

Later on that evening, Em is woken up by noises in her house. She grabs scissors as someone enters her room and almost stabs...her dad:

We cut back to Spence, who is still trying to figure out a section of Ali's diary, and that's when we flash back to Ali having dinner with an older gentleman at the Hart and the Huntsmen. Then we go back to the present and Spence races over to Hanna to tell her about the bar and asks if she wants to check out the place tomorrow. Hanna declines because she's going to Ali's dentist for a cleaning in the hopes of sneaking a peek at Ali's dental records. They agree to report back from their respective trips the following night:

Aria sees Maggie and they get into a fight, which results in Aria knocking a box of Malcolm's belongings out of Maggie's hand after Maggie accused Aria of maintaining her GPA by sleeping with Ez:

Aria finds Em and tells her what happened, then they see Mike and Mona making out:

Spence goes to the bar and finds Ez there. He's eating a slice of boysenberry pie—the same pie that the guy who went out with Ali had:

Meanwhile, Hanna is at the dentist's office, snooping through the records. Her dentist, Dr. Ackard, returns and thinks Hanna has gone home for the evening, so she leaves as well. Moments later, Hanna exits the file room and gets back in the dentist's chair as she's unaware that Dr. Ackard has gone home. Then "A" enters the room and puts a gas mask over Hanna's face and knocks her out:

On the other side of town, Aria is leaving the coffee shop when Jesse stops her to chat. He lets her know that he's always available for a one-on-one session if she chooses not to join the group:

Kidding! Jesse seems like a nice dude who genuinely wants to help.

Spence is still at the bar when the waitress brings over the rest of what Ez ordered before he left. It's the boysenberry and beer! And cue flashback: Ez was definitely hooking up with Ali!

Back at Rosewood High, Em is finishing up work when she gets locked in Ez's classroom. "A" then blasts heavy metal throughout the school and posts a sign that reads "Act normal, Bitch!"

I know I'm supposed to be stressed out for Em, but all the lengths that "A" is going through to terrorize the girls is getting ridiculous.

Moving on, Em hides in a room and leaves a voice mail for dad, asking him to pick her up.

We then cut to Hanna. She's now awake and sees that the dentist records that she placed in her purse are gone:

Papa Fields shows up to the school and climbs a pipe to get to her. He reaches the window and gets her. They escape and then he has a heart attack:

This is Grade A bulls**t, y'all! Please don't let him die over this garbage!!!!!

We're back from commercial and he didn't die. Yay! He does tell her that the reason he came back to town is because he might be sick. Dear PLL writers

I did not sign up for this! Keep Papa Fields alive!!

Em goes to see Aria and tells her about Papa Fields. Spence shows up and hugs Em, and then Hanna walks in. Hanna complains about her mouth hurting, and the girls look inside. There's a rolled-up note from "A," telling them to stop looking. We end on "A" shredding the patient sign-in sheet from the dentist's office.

UGH, whatever. I'm disappointed in this episode, y'all!

Alrighty, what did you think about last night's episode? What do you think of the revelation that Ali and Ez were together?