Tuesday, November 24

African village sleeps in nest of second place merchandise.

KANGBE, SIERRA LEONE- An entire African village emerged from
a peaceful slumber this morning, still wrapped in the warm embrace provided by worthless New
York Mets 2015 World Series Champions T-shirts, hats, pennants and foam
fingers.

The shipment of "championship" goodies
arrived in port Saturday after two weeks on the Atlantic in a cargo ship that had
been overtaken by Pittsburgh Pirates a few days earlier.

Pirates All-Star center fielder Andrew McCutchen was said to have waved his 34-inch Louisville Slugger shouting, “What the fuck is this shit?" while ace pitcher Gerrit Cole fired a fastball at the vessel's captain demanding to know, "Where is our Wild Card runner-up merchandise? And what's with all this Mets garbage?"

Tribesman Hakeem
Akabookie confirmed one Pittsburgh Pirate’s trash is an African village’s treasure, pumping a giant foam-fingered fist in the air with an emphatic, “Let's. Go. Mets!”

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Where in the hell is Heath, Ohio?

Good question. Heath is located east of Columbus, Ohio. With a population of over 10,000 inhabitants, Heath is a bustling community with roads, houses, some stop lights, a few drug dealers, and a small band of feral malcontents.

In addition to being home to America's Least Reliable News Source, the fair town of Heath is also the home of the Indian Mound Mall, a Denny's, and several nice people.