Yes I know, I know. I promised a post Saturday, and it is now quite late on Sunday night. I’m sorry. Blame that one on a certain Gentleman from Kentucky and a certain never ending pizza buffet. Now let’s get to business, shall we?

I hate talking on the phone. You lose all use of nonverbal cues and body language, you can never hear what the other person is saying the first time through, after a while your ear gets sweaty and your hand gets cramped. And of course, we all infallibly look like douche-bags holding a Blackberry to our ear. But what drains my battery more than talking on the phone? Other people talking on the phone!!

The frat party is probably the college environment most closely related to the jungle. And just as there are different animals with specific roles and habitats within the jungle, there are different sorority girls with said niches within a frat party. Each has their own special characteristics and tendencies, and each provides for some Hilarious Sorority Girl Behavior.

Everyone look like you're having fun!!!

1. The Picture Taker
If you are familiar with the writings of our beloved Franky Futon and his thoughts on the Facebook photo protocol of sorority girls, then you already know all about the picture-taker. Armed with her camera at all times, she is determined to not let a minute of this party go unremembered. Epic sing-a-long session to the latest pop song? She’s got it documented. Got a great new pose you want to try out? She’s the one to see. Make a funny face while taking a shot? She’s in the driver’s seat on your road to embarrassment. The picture-taker has possibly the most important job in the entire sorority. After all, if it weren’t for her, how would anyone know how cool and pretty and fun all of her sisters are??

A model of excellence: The fellas on entourage are consistent users of proper walking etiquette

Walking isn’t hard. We’ve been doing it for most of our lives. Toss one foot in front of the other and repeat until you’ve arrived where your going. Simple enough, right?

What about when you’re a member of a team of walkers? But one ingredient among a band of journeymen? That’s when walking can get complicated. Like most social activities, there is an etiquette that guides walking among a group. Who HASN”T been the victim of a viscious box out? Or forced to pair up and walk next to that babbling douchebag, while your friend gets to have awesome conversation with your hilarious friend? We’ve all been there. Today’s topic has been carefully dissected and I will now bestow my gathered wisdoms: The proper procedure for all of your walking needs.

The sorority girl is a fascinating creature. A species whose behaviors are as complex and difficult to understand, as they are intriguing. I have observed these behaviors for years now, and will attempt to make sense of them all. Today we will focus on the facebook photo: a sorority girl’s instrument by which she maintains her social standing.

Sporting the traditional attire of the modern sorority girl, This pack of sorority girls assume the most classic of sorority girl poses

First things first. Each and every breed of sorority girl has their designated facebook photo taker. This responsibility is a dangerous and difficult task, but must be done in order to ensure the survival of the group’s social standing. A mistimed click of the button and an awkward face or closed eye could spell disaster for the herd. Like a quarterback knows his receivers, a talented facebook photo taker has a thorough knowledge of the distinctive features of her subjects.

Which one is her good side?

Which way is she going to need to tilt her head?

An expansive knowledge of her subjects can take years to master, but the facebook photo taker is indeed a master at her craft.

A degenerative condition, the stop and chat is frequently observed among the elderly

It’s said there are few certain things in life: death, taxes, and the stop and chat.

Stop-and-Chat (n)- An interruption during the course of a journey defined by the action of coming to a standstill in order to engage in listless conversation with a usually (but not always) undesirable counterpart.

You may be on the way to pick up lunch or on your way to class. It could even be something more urgent; you remember that you left a used condom in your roommate’s bed and you need to get back to the room to hide the evidence. The stop and chat does not care though; for it is a wicked hellcat, an inconsiderate interrupter of your precious time.

You see that kid who lived on your floor freshman year coming your way? The girl who sat next to you in your discussion section last semester? Some random herb you’ve been introduced to a million times whose name is in no way worth remembering? You better prepare some discussion questions because here it comes!!

“How are your classes?”

“Where are you living this year?”

“How was your Summer?”

“BLAH BLAH BLAH”…..neither of you give a SHIT.

Thankfully there are some tried and true methods to avoid these lifeless cross-examinations. The cell phone becomes a handy tool in all approaching stop and chat situations. As soon as you see a potential stop and chat, whip out the cell phone and either begin talking to no one in particular, or even a simple text read will get the job done. If spotted early enough, there is certainly the opportunity for a quick re-routing of your voyage. If going in the same direction, a simple change of speed can conquer all would be stop and chats.

So remember, the next time you see that annoying kid you went to Sunday school with 100 years ago, take a tip from Larry David, and get the FUCK OUT OF THERE.