Resepte / Recipes

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Our previous Top 10 inventions in SA include the G5 Cannon, the Addo elephant-proof fence, the harbour-protecting Dolosse, the Rooi Valk chopper and, of course, the koeksuster - but all these things pale completely into insignificance by comparison, to what you are about to behold.

Men, trust me on this. This is the ultimate thing you didn't know you needed, until you just saw it and have unbelievably lived without for so long...!!

And if you're a proper braai man, well, then this is definitely for you...!!

THINGS THAT ARE DOWN RIGHT IMPOSSIBLETO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. No thanks, I'm married. 2. Nope, no more booze for me thanks! 3. Sorry, but you're not really my type. 4. Kebab? No thanks, I'm not hungry. 5. Good evening officer, Isn't it lovely out tonight? 6. Oh no,I couldn't. I'm tone deafa and nobody wants to hear me sing karaoke tonight. 7. I'm just not interested in fighting you! 8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance as I have noco-ordination. I'd hate to make myself look a complete idiot!9. I really must be going home now,Ive had a few drinks and have to go to work in the morning.

8. I was such an ugly baby… My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

9. I'm so ugly… My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

10.. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room & said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."

11. I'm so ugly… my mother had morning sickness… AFTER I was born.

12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped & they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, & asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."

14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

15. I'm so ugly… I worked in a pet shop, & people kept asking how big I'd get.

16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up & I look in the mirror… I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me?" He said… "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks & get some rest.

18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favourite bone is my arm. Last night he went on the paper 4 times - 3 of those times I was reading it.

20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.

21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE 1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me 7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing. 10.... Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine. 12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many. 13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up. 18 . Procrastinate Now!

19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want chips With That? 20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a loan from the bank.22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! 23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. 24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken,plus a lifetime commitment for a pig. 27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

And the best one of them all.................... 29.. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.