On Monday, I have to be a working mom. I have to find a schedule for my child and myself that I haven't given second thought so since I figured I wouldn't have a job after the first of the school year.

I'm sad because I have to leave my baby behind. I'm sad because he's just not so much a baby anymore. I'm sad because I am.

Chance just really doesn't get this. He's never been at home, he's never have every inch of his life changed irreversibly. He's never had to change all of who he is.

Now, there is a good side to this. I will be making $30 an hour, that's good. We will be able to get central heat and air installed before the dead cold of winter. I will be able to go with my sister and blow money on ridiculous things on shopping trips. And so on and so forth.

The thing is, I don't care about the money.

Maybe I'm just scared. Afraid of changing again. Maybe I'll even get over it.

(((hugs))) i completely understand. if i had any qualifications at all, i'd have a job. unfortunately i lack skill and experience, so nobody's offered to pay me more than what it would take to put 2 kids in daycare. i guess i'm lucky in that way... we're penny pinching seriously, but i get my kids in exchange. hang in there. you'll get used to it, and your son will value his time with you even more without you there 24/7. (((hugs)))

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