Breaking up is hard to do

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The first few weeks after a break up are tough. It’s been 1 month 15 days and 4 hours from my last break up. I knew we were better apart. But I couldn’t help feeling depressed at the thought of starting over or being without a Valentine again.

I was a total mess and a textbook cliché. I listened to that played-out Gotye song, “Somebody That I Used to Know,” on repeat and I would never leave my room.

I’d talk about my ex all day and say how “he’s a fool,” while I did my best Beyoncé hair flip, until my roommate would cut me off from ever saying his name again. I was forced to resort to getting advice from my mother. “ You are young and he’s too skinny anyway,” she would say while feeding me taquitos.

After days of planning my revenge, and stalking on Facebook, I realized that there was no point in trying to get him back. I finally decided to brush my hair and put on some makeup. With every stroke, all of those maudlin feelings slowly started to fade.

There’s a sort of rejuvenating aspect to breaking up that is hard to appreciate amidst all the obsessing and chocolate eating.

With the help from my break up messiah, Milan Kundera, the heaviness of my failing relationship had been lifted. All of a sudden, there was this unbearable lightness of just being.

I’ve always felt a bit lost after a heartbreak, but there’s so much newfound freedom. I had moments where I would panic. I would think, “like well, what now?” or,

“who do I call now when I can’t figure out what freeway to take?” I had built a world with this person and now it’s gone.

I’d find myself cleaning, doing my laundry, watching all of my girly shows (like Whitney) that I used to watch in secrecy and would never admit I liked. I had to remind myself who I was before ever loving that person, and that took some time.

I saw all of my friends I had been neglecting and they took me back, no questions asked. I slowly felt like myself again. I was focused. I was ready to start over. Not with anybody else, but with myself. Because after a break up, it’s important to focus on you.