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hakuna matata

I use this phrase very often in my life when I still knew that there is no life without worries…

Every person has to live their life irrespective of whatever happens in their life…

When I used to be a child I don’t think I would have any worries… But when I think deep I could realize that I too was worried about various instances like losing my pencil, crying for a Barbie doll, starting up silly fights with our friends etc.,But these worries make us smile whenever we think about it.. If all our worries could make us smile one day which makes us to cherish our memories how pleasant it would be…

Though we think of having such sweet memories of worries we still have some painful worries which will turn out to be haunting memories when we recollect them… I have one such worry which still stays the same or even gets increased whenever I think of it… I was in my 6th grade… I was in my first day of class when my new class teacher introduced herself and asked each and every student in the class to get introduced with basic information’s. All my friends were saying about their name, their parents name, what is their parents occupation and where they are coming from. When it was my turn I just started off with my name, my mom’s name, my uncles name, what my mom is doing, what my uncle is doing that’s when the teacher stopped me and said,

“Child, you must also include your father’s name and occupation so that we could get to know him too”

I was really puzzled like what I have to say and how to say because all I knew about a father is that his name and that I don’t have one.

“Miss, I don’t have father, I dono where he is because my mother said he expired. I only know my uncle, my mother, grandmother and aunt” I said.

I think the teacher understood what I was trying to say, so she passed on to the next student without any further questions. But I was not able to let it go off so easily. Till my 5th grade none of my teachers used to ask me anything about my father and so I had no chance of thinking about him. And when my friends speak about their father I always remember speaking about my uncle. As I had my uncle I didn’t worry much about not having a father. But then I understood that I am a grownup girl and I have to get to know about my father. Since then I was trying to investigate about my father at my home every now and then by asking about my father to my grandma who only speaks about him to me as the others never speak off him thinking I would start yearning for his love. Though I asked many questions to my grandma she answered only a few which was not enough for me.

“Grandma, where is my dad?”

“He is in heaven baby”

Why he went there?”

“Because God wanted him to be with him so he took him”

“But we also want dad na? I always find my friend’s father’s dropping them at school, buying them all they need. But only uncle or mom drops me or buy me what I need. I also want dad to buy and give me toys na? God doesn’t have his own dad huh?”

“No dear. A good person always goes soon to God to serve him. Whatever you need you just ask us because your father left you with us to do all the things he needs to do”

“Will my dad look like Lord Ganesha?”

“No dear. But you can always find you dad’s presence near Lord Ganesha”

Though I have seen my parent’s wedding album after my 10th grade I used to think of him every single time when I pray Lord Ganesha. I felt happy and even proud that only my dad got the chance to stay near God while others dad where not able to go and I haven’t said this to anyone though.

We find our self more innocent in our childhood days once when we grow up. What once we thought of a gift turns out to be a terrible pain by hitting us with the reality harder than we think.

When I was growing I slowly realized that I was a girl who’s father expired 3 months before her birth by getting all kinds of curse’s from the merciless world for being born with her father killed. Every relative I knew knowingly or unknowingly blamed me for my father’s death which made me think me as a murderer. At this time I also lost my grandma who used to speak with me about my father. I had no courage to go and ask my mother about this thinking she would be worried.

But an incident before few days made me heart-breaking. My dad’s big brother fell sick and expired due to unhealthy diet. When I went for the funeral every single person who came there saw me and expressed their grief in the same manner saying “You lost your father before your birth. But how unlucky, you lost your uncle too now”… The truth is my uncle doesn’t even care about me or my mother till his death which I was surprised to find not even a single person could understand.

Above all my aunt (my passed away uncle’s wife) started crying when she saw me saying “you killed your father and now see you have also killed your uncle. What is my family going to do without your uncle?”

I was into a great shock. How on earth could I be the reason for killing my dad and my uncle? My dad met with an accident unfortunately and my uncle had very bad eating habits which was the real reasons. But still I had to take the blame of killing two people in my family which makes me feel real bad.

When such things have to happen in our life only then we are not able to digest the phrase “HAKUNA MATATA” because though we think of not letting any worries stay in our mind or letting the worries go off there are some worries which creates a painful memory in our heart making us remember these moments or worries every single minute of our life.

But still I try to get out of these by uttering this phrase very often. And it is my wallpaper in my mobile and lap too with a hope off making my worries into NO WORRIES…