Dave Shouldn't be in the middle - there should be no middle to be in. Lousie is a jerk, who really needs to get over herself. Susan is better off with out the either one of them and if my brothers were treating me this way, I'd be giving the cut direct.

Susan should just tell everyone what was said and done, just so the rest of the family has a heads up for when this happens to them I do not believe these outrageous demands will end here.

I agree that Louise should have never invited Susan into the bridal party in the first place, if she felt this way. And I really don't understand Louise's motivation for uninviting Susan from the wedding entirely. Does she hope that will push Susan into staying in the wedding party and wearing the prosthetic limb? Is it supposed to be coercion? Or did she and Susan have a really heated discussion about this and so Louise just doesn't like Susan anyway and is using it as an excuse, like a "My way or the highway" just to get Susan out of her life once and for all?

I can't understand someone who thinks like Louise, but she is clearly revealing her true character before the wedding. If Dave doesn't see the red flags now, he's complicit with her meanness and his wails of "woe is me. I married someone who is awful" will fall on deaf ears in 10 years.

My question is what would you all do as guests if you heard about this situation? Even if I knew Susan to be honest, I would have to hear Louise's side. Would it be out of line to try to contact Louise and hear her side? It wouldn't be my business, as a guest. But, I'd want to know all the facts before I boycotted a wedding and cut off a friendship/relationship with Louise and Dave. I wouldn't want to attend and support their union if it were true. On the other hand, I wouldn't want to rush to judgment and boycott the wedding only to find out later that I had overreacted and that there was more to the story. I believe the OP. I'm not doubting Susan's words. I'm just saying that as a guest, I wouldn't know everything going on, and would only hear bits and pieces. How would I be firm in my decision to boycott unless I knew more.

I see where you're coming from, as even PP's have said they want to believe this is a troll, and that a human being couldn't be so awful as Louise. So I think that perhaps a neutral guest might have a similar reaction of not wanting to believe this, especially if they are a guest of Louise and had only seen a fake side of her that seemed nice.

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Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

I should really stop trying to get into Louise's head and trying to understand what she's thinking, but let's look at it from a logical perspective. Having one BM wear a different dress from the others will stick out far more in pictures than having them all wear the same dress and one of them missing part of a limb. If that were such an issue, Louise could have warned the photographer ahead of time and said "squish all the people together so that we only see one of their shoulders facing the camera" and left it at that. I think Louise is purposely being rude and hurtful towards Susan for some reason and using the limb as a red herring. But I'm trying to be logical and I'm probably giving her far too much credit by assuming that she's logical too.

Louise sounds like she has been rather sheltered from people who are physically different. That's pretty common. I can see her taking some time to adjust to that difference in Susan. Louise is entitled to that time; it's hard making a mental shift.

She is not entitled to make her problem Susan's problem. If Louise was uncomfortable having Susan in her wedding party without her prosthesis, then she should not have asked her to be in it. Uninviting her from the wedding for it is over the top intollerant. For shame.

My MOH had nearly the same birth defect. Although I didn't care about hiding her (lack of) arm, she has a habit of hiding it behind people or flowers or whatnot in photos. Old habits from a rough childhood (kids are mean) are hard to break. I suspect that Louise would have been surprised at how little she saw Susan's arm had she kept her in the bridal party.

Dave needs to get the heck in the middle. This shows a great deal about the character of the woman he intends to marry, and I hope his eyes are open. Disgraceful.

Absolutely this! This isn't some minor squabble about wedding details. His future wife does not want his sister to attend his wedding unless she wears a prosthetic limb. That's when you get in the middle! If he isn't willing to stand up for his own sister than he isn't much different from the woman he intends to marry.

I agree. By "refusing to get in the middle," Dave is making it sound like both sides are equally responsible for this situation. That is clearly not the case.

Considering the outrageous nature of this request, Susan should feel free to explain why she is not attending the wedding. She has no obligation to protect the HC from the natural consequences of their behavior.

As a guest, I would not want to attend a wedding for people this shallow. If I was close to the groom, I might ask him how he thinks his bride would respond if he suffered from a disfiguring accident.

The kindest thing that I can think of saying about Dave is that he is a spineless wimp who won't stand up for his sister.

I am wondering what Louise will do if one of HER children should happen to be born the spitting image of Aunt Susan? With or without one arm...because I've seen a lot of families where a child looks more like an aunt or uncle than their parent. I'm told that I take after my great-grandmothers more than my parents. Since the photos of my great-grandmothers are black & white and were taken in their late fifties & early sixties (if they lived long enough to have any photos taken of them after WWII) - I don't see it yet.....

I would really, really, really like to disbelieve this post. Unfortunately I have seen too many people like Louise in my life. My sister has rather extensive facial scarring from a childhood accident and the things that some people, admittedly not a very high percentage, will say and do when they meet her the first time is appalling.

In this case, I agree with the majority. I would not attend the wedding. And I would not keep it a secret as to why.

And if I found out about this as another guest, I would also not attend. No matter how rude it might be, I would cancel even if I had already responded that I would be in attendance. Dave might see a middle that he doesn't want to be in. I don't. There is no middle here, and I would be willing to take the hit and be rude by cancelling my RSVP because I would be so far on Susan's side.

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Lynn

"Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat." Robert A. Heinlein

Susan needs to talk to her brother, her parents, and any other close relatives and air this now. Why? Because if the bride succeeds in booting sis from attending the wedding without any repercussions, she will not stop there.

Bro and SIL have a kid? "Sorry, we can't let you near little Morris, seeing your arm would traumatize him. And by the way, you won't be attending any family holiday celebrations with us there either."

I agree with this! Susan needs to ask her brother to think about how he will handle the next time his bride has a request like this. Maybe she will forbid relatives over 60 from attending because their wrinkles depress her.Also, the brides parents are technically the hosts, unless the bride and groom are paying for everything. Susan needs to express her regrets to them. If my daughter did something outrageous like this, and would not apologize, I would cancel the wedding and have a blow out party with MY friends instead. (assuming reception its paid for). (not kidding, my dd is getting married in march and I would do that).

Suppose Susan were born with a condition that affects her face instead of her arm. Would you be all right with Louise demanding that she wear a mask to cover her face? Because that's the equivalent of what she's asking... she saying that Susan can't be herself, that she has to wear something to mask her appearance. Why is that all right?

EvilTraska wants to add "Then Susan needs to hold the prosthetic left arm in her right hand and use it to slap Louise good."

I would say the truth: "Louise doesn't want to look at me without my prosthesis, and I don't think she decides whether I wear it or not." That will probably cause uncomfortable feelings, but, imo, that's Louise's fault for being rude.

This, absolutely.

Additionally, Louise when asked about Susan at the wedding may say Susan refused to come. Without explaining her order that Susan must wear a prosthetic in order to even attend the wedding at all.

I agree with this. If Susan tries to avoid drama by not telling people the real reason, it gives Louise an open field to lie and get even get sympathy about her "mean" sister-in-law. Once Louise has gotten the first word in, anything Susan says as an explanation may sound made-up.

My question is what would you all do as guests if you heard about this situation? Even if I knew Susan to be honest, I would have to hear Louise's side. Would it be out of line to try to contact Louise and hear her side? It wouldn't be my business, as a guest. But, I'd want to know all the facts before I boycotted a wedding and cut off a friendship/relationship with Louise and Dave. I wouldn't want to attend and support their union if it were true. On the other hand, I wouldn't want to rush to judgment and boycott the wedding only to find out later that I had overreacted and that there was more to the story. I believe the OP. I'm not doubting Susan's words. I'm just saying that as a guest, I wouldn't know everything going on, and would only hear bits and pieces. How would I be firm in my decision to boycott unless I knew more.

As a guest, I would cancel, but I'd simply say it was no longer possible for me to attend. I wouldn't mention it was because of this issue. If Susan and Louise later become friends, as they may if they become related, it would put any guests who cancelled because of this in an awkward position.