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Nacho Patrol loves beer like a fat kid loves cake. (For the record, we enjoy cake as well, as we are all fat kids at heart). But not just any beer; we like our beer thicker than an LA phonebook, darker than the Mines of Moria, and able to be eaten with a knife and fork. Pack it full of oats, chocolate or espresso and we will love it all the more. So when we heard that the Cambridge Brewing Company was debuting their new CaCow! Chocolate Milk Stout with a free chocolate tasting, we let neither freezing weather, abominable public transportation, or injuries from that weekend’s game of 3D Twister stop us from attending. And while we were there, why not try the nachos?

Appearance: (7) A tower of bright colored chips, with bold splashes of sour cream and salsa on the top. A few strands of unmelted shredded cheese were a nice touch, though there wasn’t quite enough melted cheese showing to make us want to really tear in. A little guacamole would have added a nice touch of green.

Quality of Ingredients: (7) The chips were tri-colored and homemade, and fairly tasty. The vegetarian chili was almost more like a vegetable-bean stew; and while it made things soggier than we would like, it was quite delicious. No guacamole was offered, but the salsa was excellent. In a unique touch, the jalapeños on these nachos were fresh; and while we normally approve of fresh ingredients, since we like jalapenos more for the pickly taste than for the spice, this was a negative for us. Still, we will not deduct points for such a bold move.

Distribution of Toppings: (4) Here we come to the fatal flaw of these nachos: there was not nearly enough toppings, and they were very poorly distributed. In the beginning, we had trouble reaching the chili due to the thick blanket of sour cream and salsa. When we did finally get to it, there was not nearly enough for the chips; after scooping it all up, this is what was left:

That smile is a conditioned response to a camera; we were not happy with these nachos. We eventually asked for another cup of chili so that we could finish the rest.

Price: (6) Thankfully, they did not charge us for the extra chili. If it had been on the nachos to begin with, would they be worth $9? Probably not.

Overall: 24/40. Nacho Patrol had heard rumors that the nachos here are not the best, and these were confirmed. Considering that we can get their beer at other bars that we like better, we won’t be returning…and if by chance we do, we will give the nachos a wide berth.

The Chocolate Milk Stout, however, was excellent! We would highly recommend trying it with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.