I've had some things bothering me for quite awhile now that I really need talk about I think. Sorry this is long

I'm married with two kids, DD is almost 6 and DS is 22 months. Both were surprise pregnancies; but my husband has never really accepted my youngest one. Before I became pregnant with my son my husband had decided that he no longer wanted any more kids; I had more or less agreed but I was a little more on the fence about it. However...I became pregnant a second time and it was entirely due to carelessness on my part. DH was very unhappy about second pregnancy and I think to this day he believes I did it on purpose, but I did not. I felt really scared and guilty. He stated that he would not take part in caring for a new baby, since he did not want another child. He hasn't budged from this position to this day. He'll say hi to him and talk to him a minute or two but that's about it. He arranged for his mother to come live with us to help take care of them since I work 12 hour shifts and he has to travel for work, plus I have ongoing problems with fatigue, insomnia, anxiety and depression...so I have felt like I truly needed the help.

His attitude bothers me greatly; I have tried numerous times to discuss my feelings with him and how much his attitude bothers me but I get nowhere; he either ignores me or tries to change the subject. He is very critical and very quick to point out things me or his mother are doing wrong, no matter how minor. I think some things he says/does would qualify as verbal abuse. He is frequently negative and judgmental of others. He says that he is the one in charge. I have asked him on several occasions whether he will start paying a bit of attention to his son once he is older and he flat out won't give me an answer. I feel like he doesn't truly care about my concerns or feelings most of the time. For instance...I've been asking to put a gate at the top of the stairs because we have a fast and impulsive toddler and I don't want him falling down the damn stairs. He says no we can't get a gate; why? Because he's afraid it'll scratch the walls. He apparently cares more about scratches in the wall than about his son's safety.

I've considered leaving for years now but I haven't due to fears of the hassle, trauma, and expense of divorce; but I'm really considering it again. So i guess I'm looking for input..am I wrong to be upset with him about all the above things? We've never done marriage counseling so I should probably give that a shot first but I don't know that it would help; maybe I'm too pessimistic though.

Unexpected pregnancies aren't uncommon and given that you are married and already had a child together it seems bizarre that he is acting this way now that baby is here. Not to mention putting your son's safety at risk. No, you aren't wrong. It seems very damaging and hurtful to the entire family.

give the counseling a try. then decide if you want to proceed with a divorce. you never know, a professional may open up your dh's eyes and help him to be a better person.just remember that it may not work and that you may have to leave him to give your children the best possible future. (right now he is teaching your children how to treat others and how to act in a relationship. which is not the way people should treat others)try to work thru it first though, your dh may not be able to see how his actions are impacting the whole family.

Im so sorry your going through all this and how unfair to your children. Does he not realize walls are replaceable kids are NOT that is so disturbing. This is my personal opinion on what I'd do. Separate! While doing counseling (doesnt sound like hed do it willingly) coming home to an empty home may trigger some feelings for hom (ie: missing his children seeing how much they truly mean to him) but prepare yourself set up support system, alternative child care. You need to do whats best for the kids and yourself.

You can do this, im a recently divorced mom of 3 feel free to message me if you need anyone to talk too. Goosluck sweets and keep your head held high. I hope all works out for the best.

Wow I think we are with the same man LOL. Sorry to may a joke but I could help see the similarities between my SO and your DH apart from the kids thing. I really hope that he will change is ways but from what I can tell by your story he will never unless he wants to. Im praying for both of us.

Thanks you guys. Phillisamc it helps to know I'm not the only one dealing with a person like this. Even though I consider separation quite a bit I do have some compelling economical and practical reasons to stay; I honestly don't know if I'd be cut out to be a single mom...at least not right now.There's been an interesting turn of events though; my mother in law got put on bedrest due to knee problems and therefore can no longer take care of my kids for awhile (not quite sure if/when she'll be able to again); so DH has had to actually take care of DS a bit...so I guess he's proven he can step up when the need arises; we'll see how things pan out.

@Azure I am with you. Single motherhood is not easy but it is doable. I stress about everything for the kids now that I'm basically their only provider except for Floria. SO does his part when he feels like it. She is 4wks old and I must have had only 3 decent showers since she was born. He refuse to give me a break saying that I should do things when she is asleep. OK I agree but dinner, laundry, general housekeeping, looking after the needs of the other kids don't allow me to sleep when she is sleeping and now I am a walking, snaping, grumpy, miserable mama. I EBF and she doesn't sleep at night, just like him and still yet he refuse to look after her during that time. Sorry it took MIL been sick to get him involved. I hope it will be for a while so that he sees how demanding it is for you.

Oh SO got the talk down of his life from his mom over the weekend. She came to spend time with her princess as she calls Flora and when she noticed the way he was behaving she put him in his place. You should have seen his face LOL but all in all he promised to do better. He looked after her last night for 4hrs while I slept in bliss after a long shower