Identify what is most important )0( Eliminate everything elseThe idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong with the world. Dr. Paul FarmerThe suffering of others is not alleviated when no one knows about it.There is no one right way to live. Daniel QuinnIshmaelThe only thing that you need to start an asylum is an empty room and the right sort of people.We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. Kurt Vonnegut

Friday, July 4, 2014

4th

Today is the US Independence Day. This house is along the parade route. I forgot about it until the police and fire department vehicles (always the parade leaders) woke me. Not sleeping well lately.

I feel too exposed to go outside and watch the parade. I have a nice porch, but both sides of the street are packed with enthusiasts and people walk along the sidewalk for the entire length and time of the parade. The family in the back flat erect a canopy on the driveway and all their friends and family come over for the day. If I make an appearance they invite me to the cookout and all the rest.

It seems as though this would be a safe experience, and it is. It is just that there are too many people. And, for some reason, I have never been a fan of parades. I remember too many bad experiences with my ex at parades and other public things, but that cannot be the only reason(s). Not crazy about circuses or races (animal of vehicle), and I think that it is because there is the possibility, albeit rare, of some kind of catastrophe. What else do I hateavoid find weirdly too busy?

I used to like church fairs, especially the summer ones and worked at my parish's fair every year. That was lots of hard work and so much fun. The big city near here has a huge summer fair season, churches of course, but music and ethnic ones on the shores of the big water. I used to like those, too. Now both of them seem like too much work. You have to get yourself there and wander around. Gosh, I really am anti-social. What a mess and I am newly determined to do something about this.

I took a nap this afternoon. Not all that unusual, but I have been experimenting this week (no work days scheduled) with different sleeping stuff. One of the women at the homeless center finally found a job. It starts as part time and builds from there, based on her performance. Right on the heels of that job offer, came a second one, this for full time and with some benefits after the probationary period.

Like anyone, she would love to take the full time one, but the problem is transportation. When I was slumber partying with the boys, she called me up there to ask if I would take her to work and fetch her at the end of her shift. I found that interesting, but let her talk about what she needs for that better, full time job.

She gave me two times that she would need a ride, and I am thinking that it must be just beyond the bus routes and we started examining my work schedule to see how this could work out. After some time, she finally told me that the drop-off and pick-up times are between 3:00 and 4:00 a.m. It seems that the company has lots of new contracts and will be having overtime, 12-hour shifts, and the buses do not run at those middle-of-the-night hours. Like, really? It seems that this not occurred to the company as they began calling people for the jobs, that it is likely that many of the potential employees may not have cars. It occurs to me that it could also be a screening tactic, but I guess I could be wrong about that.

Anyway, I told her that I would think about it. I did, even calling my paying job to see if I could be more flexible about the shifts I work there, which can be any times, and called her back. Whilst it would be a challenge, but I would love to help her out. I met her at the center, but she has become a good friend and she has come to my employment helping gig and I have never had anyone who works as hard as she has to rebuild her life. She has found housing and now these two job offers. She deserves any nice thing that could happen for her, so I want to help.

So, since Tuesday night, I have stayed up until the times that she needs rides, as well as going to bed after a pretend work day and arose early for the ride thing.

It has been a miserable failure. Even though I know that doing it for a few months will help, that it will begin to be a more comfortable habit, but I cannot figure out how I could do this and still stay up for a full work day of my own. I just cannot see it happening.

Here she is, crafting a new and cool life and this barrier to a better financial situation is thrown at her. I know that it is not my job to solve everything for everyone, not even just the occasional fixing of anything, but it would be wonderful to help her. I know that she is disappointed in me. I cannot do anything about that.

This is about independence for both of us, but more critical and immediate for her. At stake is her future and hopefully more comfortable and less stressful life and my inability to find a way to help her without compromising my health. It feels like I should be willing to make the sacrifice, but the last time we spoke on Monday, she told me that the overtime will continue at least until the end of the year. I could probably manage a few weeks, although six months, hell, I cannot do it that long.

We two, grown women, have to find out own way through this. Just like every other life challenge. Just like every potential stall or failure, but, more importantly, every other potential success.

Even if this does not work out for her, the full time job, and she has to default to the part time job, everything will be fine. She will be fine. She deserves so much and has earned the right to want something better, even if it does not work out perfectly.

Perfect is nice, but not as much as being independent and in charge of your life. Although, I have to admit that I am more than pleased that a parade does not come along with any of this.

Hey, I can hear the fireworks. Might have to go outside and take a lookie-look.

About Me

I am 66 years old, mother, grandmother, friend, all the rest. Artist and domestic abuse survivor, married 45 years, now on my own, with CoolCat, just making a life for ourselves. I am more than that - suspect I might be -sincerely hope I am. This is my journey to find who I really could be. This blog is the part of that journey that heralds my renewed connections with the world and people I love, even if we have never met.