Tuesday, October 18, 2011

We hit week 7 of the NFL season in doing pretty well. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Just as John Doe told Detectives Mills and Somerset in the movie Seven, "Long is the way, and hard, that out of hell leads up to the light." The NFL season is a marathon, not a sprint. So before you go dancing around in your Grandma's panties, rubbing yourself in peanut butter over our picks, remember...John Doe has the upper hand. Somebody call somebody...

Bears (-1) v. BUCS (in London)

The Bucs, claiming to have learned from their last London trip, are not treating this like any regular week and waiting to fly in Saturday. The players who were on the team last trip said that sucked, all they did was sleep Saturday and it messed them up. So they went over early, got a chance to see the sights and will be a little more acclimated to the time difference. The Bears, meanwhile, treated it like a regular week.

BTPC pick = UPSET SPECIAL...BUCS getting the point.

SKINS (+2.5) v. Panthers

This pick is simple. You can either roll with John Beck or you can roll with Cam Newton. We're rolling with Cam.

BTPC pick = Panthers laying the 2.5

CHARGERS (PK) v. Jets

Pick 'em? Really? Did Vegas watch that Monday night game? The only reason the Jets won, AT HOME, was because the Dolphins absolutely SUCK.

BTPC pick = Chargers.

BROWNS (-3) v. Seahawks

The only question we have here, is does Charlie Whitehurst, starging for the Seahawks, confuse those orange Browns' helmets, for Clemson helmets and throw a bunch of picks. Meanwhile, the Browns spent this past week, with rumors of them trading their marquee players: Peyton Hillis.

BTPC pick = Seahawks getting the 3.

Texans (-3) v. TITANS

This just smells like the typical Kubiak-team stinker.

BTPC pick = Titans getting the 3.

DOLPHINS (PK) v. Broncos

The Dolphins are 1-11 in their last 12 at home. And tomorrow, it's the SUCK FOR LUCK SUPERBOWL. Whoever loses this game will be in the driver's seat for the #1 pick in the draft. Throw in the fact that it's Tebow-time...AND the Dolphins had weeks ago gone ahead and planned for Sunday to be "Gator Day," celebrating Florida's 2008 National Championship...It's almost like God is planning this. And we all know Tebow is tight with the Almighty. The only thing that makes us think Miami could win this, is it would be just our luck to blow this game, win it, then lose out on the #1 pick. Come on, Sparano...you can do it...BLOW. THIS. GAME.

BTPC pick = Tebow! (Broncos)

LIONS (-3.5) v. Falcons

So the Lions traded Jerome Harrison to the Eagles for Ronnie Brown, only to have the trade voided when Harrison's physical showed he had a brain tumor. Gotta admit...that's a first. Some might be tempted to go with the Falcons here, seeing as how Detroit has shown a propensity for letting teams come back from way down recently. But need we remind you of how BAD the Falcons D is?

BTPC pick = Lions laying the 3.5.

RAIDERS (-3.5) v. Chiefs

We're sure Kyle Boller's confidence is just soaring after the Raiders gave up a ridiculous price to get Caron Palmer, the Raiders leaked comments about how the players were marveled about having a "real QB" at the subsequent practices and Hue Jackson all but guaranteed Palmer would start Sunday. Now, word is leaking that Palmer probably is not ready to start this week (gee...you think?) and it looks like Boller is going to get the nod. To put that in perspective, go tell your wife or girlfriend that you're dumping her because you've finally found a girl that is actually hot. Then, explain that your new love has got to work Saturday night, so you need your current gal to be your date to the party you have on your calendar. How well do you think that date is gonna go?

BTPC pick = Chiefs getting the 3.5

Steelers (-4) v. CARDS

Kevin Kolb or Big Ben?

BTPC pick = Big Ben (Steelers) laying the 4.

COWBOYS (-13.5) v. Rams

The week after getting blasted by his owner publicly for pussing out on that last drive because he didn't trust his QB, can Jason Garret run it up on the Rams? Maybe...but 13.5 is too much for us.

BTPC pick = LATE CHANGE...originally said Rams getting the 13.5, but then it was announced that Bradford was out. Maybe there's some out there that think AJ Feely can keep it close. We don't. Cowboys by 13.5...

Pack (-9.5) v. VIKINGS

Why on earth the Vikings want to throw Christian Ponder into the fire in a game they are no way gonna win, we do not know. But lord have mercy...if Ponder somehow were to pull this one out, Viking Nation will be crazy next week declaring him savior. But that's not gonna happen on Aaron Rodgers' watch...

BTPC pick = Pack laying the 9.5

SAINTS (-13.5) v. Colts

Who knew teams should be targeting coaches on the sideline, huh? The Colts quietly go about their own Suck for Luck campaign.

About Me

I am a bold figure, often seen powerwalking and crushing cans. I have been known to rock a microphone. I translate American Idol for enemy noncombatants. I routinely manage to infurriate DC Metro service personel. I woo women with my impressive name-dropping and my astounding ability at butterbean shelling.
When I'm bored, I take a case of wine over to my friend's house and get introduced to all the Puerto Rican girls who are dying to meet me.
I am a logical negativist who has propounded a set of laws that the world ignores, to its detriment.
I am an expert in Post-Civil War Reconstruction, a veteran of Greenwood Baseball, and an outlaw in Murrell's Inlet.
I once built a perpetual motion machine with Steve Roberts. I make homemade Sprite. I have been and remain on double secret probation.
The Russians call me "Vilnius Nastavic," because I require but one ping. I used to handle black ops for the United States Postal Service. I helped open Dog One and have doctored flight logs for rising 5-star colonels.
I have driven from Texarkana to Atlanta in 28 hours. I had no fatalities during my brief career on the safety patrol.