Are you waiting for the right person to come along?

Love is flow and walls keep the flow out
~ Deepak Chopra

I recently wrote a newsletter for my exclusive readers about how to be the “complete package” (become an exclusive reader here). This was a little different from a lot of the articles, posts, and newsletters that I usually write about. The reason for this was that it was based on some of the more “superficial” things that help attract a woman. Things like your overall appearance, your competencies, and making your home more women friendly. Throughout this newsletter however I did emphasize first and foremost what is MOST important in attracting a woman. And, that being your confidence, presence, and charm. This is something that nice cologne or an interesting skill-set CANNOT compensate for.

And, on the topic of things that cannot be compensated for I wanted to talk about “finding love” or rather, “finding that special woman to love”. I know that a lot of you are in this place right now. Many of you are looking for ways you can attract that wondrous woman into your life that will somehow strip away the loneliness that none of you would outwardly like to admit exists.

And, while I talk about developing your presence, widening your skill set, building more self-esteem, and understanding women – all of these WILL NOT make much of a difference: until one thing happens.

It’s not a skill-set. It’s not a class you can take. It’s not something that you will have to conquer, accomplish, or win. It’s not something you have to do.

It’s something that you can only change within yourself. It’s something that you can only give to yourself. It’s something you have to feel in every part of your being.

What is it you ask?

It’s about surrender, vulnerability, opening up, and letting your walls down. It’s about treating yourself how you expect to be treated. It’s about finding what you want on the outside, within yourself.

As Above so Below as Within so Without
~ The Emerald Tablet, circa 3000 BC

So, in plain and simple English what does this mean?
1) You have to be open to love
2) The love you want to experience with another can and MUST be created within you first

And, the best part? This is good news! What’s most liberating about this is that the ONUS is back on us. It puts the responsibility back into our hands. You don’t have to wait around for a woman to come around that will fill the void of loneliness. You have the responsibility and obligation to fill that void yourself. You can stop sitting around and waiting for something or someone to happen to you. The onus, responsibility, and control are back in your hands.

If this blog is about anything – it’s about personal empowerment. Take responsibility for your actions without blame, judgement, or anger.

Often “singles advice” revolves around, “get on with your own life, and make it your best” or something to that effect. I would add to that and say – make it your best life AND let yourself in. Learn to be gentler on yourself. Laugh at that critical voice that comes into your head. Make fun of him or her. Don’t be constantly beating yourself up about the past. Get to the point where you like yourself and treat yourself well. And, once you are there, get to the point where you really love yourself. This is about truly knowing your worth and connecting with it.

Once you let yourself in … then it’s easier to let someone else in. That’s the gamble of love. Our underlying fear is that no one will love us for who we really are. So, we mask who we are. We do whatever it takes to cover up who we really are. Because it’s ok if someone rejects the false image you presented them. But it’s far more devastating when they reject the real you. So, we hide – secretly hoping that somehow someone will come along and will change that.

But it’s not up to that someone to come along. It’s up to you to start breaking down some of those walls. And, the first place that starts with the walls you have built against yourself.

So, find those things about yourself that make you feel uncomfortable. Find those things that you haven’t forgiven yourself for. Find those things that you are terrified to show other people. And, once you do find ways to be more accepting of them. And, once you have done that, find new ways to embrace and celebrate them.