Monthly Archives: October 2008

Cadmus The naked bones of Cadmus Jones lie peaceful in his crypt. He mourns his fate, for he was once robust and well-equipped. Yet hope still springs eternal in this sorriest of men. He dreams that with Viagra, his bones may rise again. Illustration by Chris Harding

Monstrous Marriage Milton Henry Cyclops and Amanda June, his wife, Anticipating married bliss, had forty years of strife. They had the best intentions, but no matter how they’d try, They never quite acquired the knack for seeing eye to eye. Illustration by Chris Harding

Dave Dave is quite the Casanova, Tall and handsome, lean and tan. Cool, disarming, suave and charming, Like a perfect ladies’ man. Players often like them young, But not our more discerning Dave. Never one to rob the cradle, He prefers to rob the grave! Illustration by Chris Harding

Nancy Nancy was the haunted kind. She had a strangely tortured mind. She dwelled in cancer, AIDS, Ebola; The ill effects of Coca-Cola; The horrors on her TV screen; The future cost of gasoline; The conflicts on the global stage; The weakness sure to come with age. At length her mind was so obsessed, She [...]

Morty Morty the mummy is quick with a curse. But when he’s out driving, it gets even worse. An hour on the freeway will give him conniptions. (A common complaint among undead Egyptians.) He glares at the speeders with venom and scorn. He swears at the slowpokes while pounding his horn. “Get moving!” he bellows. [...]

Boris Boris runs a small café For those whose tastes are très outré. They pay top dollar just to eat His fine, exotic cuts of meat. Their appetites are strange but hearty. Table for the Donner party! Illustration by Chris Harding

A wise man said that Hollywood has often tried to mix The glam and glitz of show biz with the art of politics. But really, who’s persuaded by a Brangelina quote? I’m awed by Bono’s music, but he doesn’t rock my vote! I’ve never sought the punditry of Grumpy, Doc or Dopey. But now at [...]

Intending to be tongue-in-cheek and droll (For every laugh’s a feather in my cap), I wrote about the toilet paper roll And evidently caused a major flap! Fomenting discord never was my goal. Who knew that people really gave a crap? There’s over and there’s under; neither’s wrong. Now brothers, can’t we all just get [...]

Listen up, you philistines, it’s time you heard the truth. You need to get some culture so you won’t be so uncouth! Just follow these instructions to avoid a social blunder: Install the bathroom tissue so the paper comes from under!

The maverick’s looking testy now. He grits his teeth and fidgets, Observing that Obama’s lead has grown to double digits. And yet his slams will still persist. He’ll point his finger, pound his fist And call Barack a terrorist, assuming that we’re idjits!