Thursday, July 29

This post begins the same way that a lot of my posts do…..I was out with my girlfriends one night and we started talking about men (a popular topic). Let me pause for a second to clarify that my girls and I talk about everything from politics, to religion, to the politics of religion, to current events to unemployment to traveling (by the way, I want to go back to Indonesia). But when you put three single women together with varying dating experiences, the topic of men invariably surfaces…I’ll continue on now. My girlfriends started complaining that there weren’t any viable prospects in our city and that single women either needed to resolve that they were ok with being single or get the heck out of dodge.

I didn’t buy into their arguments, and I tried to insert my two cents about having hope and being patient, but they weren’t hearing it. One of my older guy friends (married with four kids) was also at the event we attended. Just as he walked over to greet us, our debate heated up. As he listened in and digested pieces of our positions, he rather quickly decided that our city couldn’t be void of good men prepared for relationships. As you can imagine, his comments set my girls off a little bit more.

I think he had gotten an earful, so he decided to leave us and continue networking. Unbeknownst to me and my friends, he also conducted somewhat of an experiment as he worked the room. Several minutes passed before my guy friend returned to our table to introduce a guy he had met. We’ll call him 3B (you’ll find out why in a second). We all had nothing but positive impressions of 3B’s appearance. He was tall and of medium-build, well-groomed and had a nice smile. It got better when he opened his mouth. He was polite, had a great sense of humor and was about his business. In fact, 3B owned three successful businesses, hence the nickname 3B.

He made an immediate connection with one of my girls, so my other friends and I fell back and observed. 3B was 39 with no kids and found himself in a good place with his career. It was pretty obvious that 3B was done playing the games that occupy most men in their 20s and was looking for something stable. The conversation ended with my friend and 3B exchanging numbers.

Once he left, we resumed our debate (which wasn’t really a debate any more). My male friend made his point. He presented evidence to my girls to dispel their myth about the lack of good and ready men in the city.

My girls and I laughed about our interaction with 3B for the rest of the night. We were quite amused by the whole thing. But here’s what we learned:

Ready. The first step in cultivating a stable relationship is deciding that you’re ready for one. This relates to both men and women and involves recognizing yourself as a whole person. It also implies that that you’re finished with the irresponsible and careless ways of your younger years.

Set. Getting set is the second part of being ready. It means that you have spent time discovering your passions, gaining (financial) independence, building self-assurance and accepting yourself. It also means that you’ve unpacked the baggage and put it away. No baby mama or daddy drama. No open wounds. No emotion attachments. You’ve basically cleared the way for opportunity.

Go. This is the easiest stage and simply involves allowing yourself to pursue and be pursued.

Maybe women, my friends and me included, get caught up in dealing with men who are prematurely in the go stage. We find ourselves anxious to go with them, but we later find out that these very men weren’t ready or set. When this happens, the relationship often ends badly. This could be a prime reason why my girls don’t think there are viable options in the city. They’ve potentially been messing with dudes who are “going” without getting ready or set, and they may be relating their bad experiences to all men.

So ladies, here’s what we should be concerned with when dating—figuring out if the men we deal with are ready and set. This means we need to spend a little time getting to know them and seeing where they are before trying to make them into our husbands. Their words may classify them in the go stage but their actions may reveal that they are not really ready.

Also, there’s no value in worrying about when am I going to meet my man? Why don’t any good men live here? Am I going to get married? The best thing we can do is ready ourselves for the opportunity. We can discover ourselves, become more self-aware and explore our talents and interests. Doing these things will undoubtedly put us on the paths that God intends for us follow. Marriage may be on that path and it may not. And since we won’t know until we get there, we have to stop complaining. Stop worrying. Stop looking. And just get ready, set, and go!

Monday, July 26

Goddess Zuri'sFolami Hoops have a slightly new look. We changed out the batik bone beads to give the hoops a little bit more of a pop.

earring info: Folami (Nigerian for "respect and honor me") Hoops are made with brown Indian glass beads and Batik bone beads. They hang about 3 1/2 inches and are on sale for $15 this week only. Reg. $20. Made with sterling silver fish hooks.

Sunday, July 25

I recall one day when I lived in Chicago, I was walking from my office building to the gym. I was standing on the curb waiting for the light to change colors so I could continue moving. As I was standing there, a random guy came up to me and said in such a sincere tone, "I just want to tell you that you're beautiful." A smile reflexively appeared on my face and I thanked him. Just a few moments later, the walking-man-light came on. So, I continued on in the direction of the gym and he continued on in another. That was it. He didn't ask me for my name or number. He just wanted to tell me I was beautiful and continue on with whatever he was doing. He literally made my day.

My girlfriends and I were at dinner the other night, and the topic of beauty came up. My friend told a similar story about how a guy in the grocery store stopped her and told her she was beautiful. And then resumed shopping.

These are great stories, but the rate of recurrence is fairly low. So my girlfriends and I asked each other if men really know how powerful the word 'beautiful' is. We questioned if they understand how being called 'beautiful' makes a woman feel? It is truly is one of the best things a guy can say to a female, especially if it's said without motive.

When the guy on the corner told me I was beautiful, I remember forgetting about everything else that was on my mind. I smiled the entire way to the gym, and I had a great workout.

Just think about what would happen if a man told a different woman everyday that she is beautiful; we could end world hunger and have peace on earth. Ok, not really. But there's no doubt things would be better.

(I believe most of my readers are women, so it's probably safe to assume this message won't get to many men. So, can you do me a favor? Tell the men in your life to, for one week, tell a different woman each day that she's beautiful. My guess is that they'll immediately notice how powerful the word is and what kind of effect it has on us.)

Monday, July 19

I love India Arie. She always sings songs I can connect to, starting with "Video." I never considered myself the average girl (from your video), partly because no one ever gave me a good reason to. I wasn't the most desired or sought-after chick in school. I don't have a huge booty. And I don't try to show off what I do have.

But I think I really fell in love with her when I heard "I am not my hair," which was released about 3 years after I cut all of my hair off and went natural.

It came out around the time I started thinking about making my own tshirts and believing I could launch a company.

India Arie has always sang the truth and, through the years, has stayed true to herself and her fans. Without doubt her music is honest and reflects her natural beauty.

Below is one of my favorite songs by Arie. I loop it whenever I need a little pick-me-up. Take a listen.

Tuesday, July 13

Goddess Zuri is excited to launch its new collection of t-shirts, Sorori-Tees, made especially for Greek Goddesses.

The new line simultaneously celebrates natural beauty and sisterhood with tees that feature popular sororities and natural hairstyles. The shirts range in size from S to 2XL and retail for $18. (This week only get them for $15!)

Monday, July 12

My eleventh grade physics teacher, Mr. McCormick, taught me that energy can neither be created nor destroyed. Energy can only be transferred. This widely known law of physics relates literally to thermodynamics (I had forgotten this until I looked it up) and metaphorically to my life.

Yep, I’ve done it—lived in the past. I’m guilty of bringing previous regrets, disappointments, and failures forward and depositing them into present moment. The truth is, we’ve probably all done it. At some point, each of us has likely wondered “how would my life be different if I did(n’t) do this or that or where would I be now if this or that did(n’t) happen?” The problem with this thinking, though, is that it won’t change our present lives because what would have happened didn’t happen. To live in the past means we identify with the past. And if we identify with the past, we can’t fully identify with the present. Why? Quite simply because it’s against the law of physics. Remember, energy can’t be created. So, any portion of our presence lived in the past diminishes the energy of our presence in the present.

So, why do we dwell on the past? Possibly because we haven’t accepted it. But, he’s gone. You bombed the interview. She cheated. Your mom had an addiction. You got pregnant. Your dad wasn’t really a dad. Someone else got the promotion. You didn’t get in. And the reality is, you can’t change any of that. So, instead of identifying with stuff we can’t change, we should use the past for enlightenment and redirect the energy we've given it to consciousness so that we can maximize the power of the present.

Remember when Lauryn Hill said in Ready or Not, “Two MCs can’t occupy the same space at the same time. It’s against the laws of physics?” Similarly, we can’t hold onto the past and aggressively grab the present because it’s against the law of physics. Our energy has to be transferred.

Wednesday, July 7

I was on my way home a few minutes ago, and I heard this song on the radio. It reminded me of something my friend always says whenever we discuss relationship woes, "you have to love yourself more than he does." Take a listen and free your goddess :-)

Saturday, July 3

I went to the movies last week to see the new Karate Kid, a great story of redemption just like the original.

If you've seen the original, then the end the new Karate Kid won't be that surprising to you. Dre Parker (Jaden Smith) was fighting in a tournament and got hurt before the competition was over. The doctor advised him to stop fighting and not continue. The doctor said to Dre, "You have already brought great honor to your family." He wanted Dre to feel good about what he had already accomplished in the competition and how his actions had already brought a great deal of respect to his family.

This one scene made me think about my behaviors and actions in the context of my family. What if we all considered how our actions would (or would not) bring honor to our family before we actually did them? What if that was our filter? We'd probably change some things up.