Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Writing

I am going to warn you now. This post is going to be very long but I just feel the need to write right now.

When I started this blog I started it with the intention of mainly posting only photos of mine with some text posts here and there as I stated in my first post. Almost every post I have written so far I had only intended on writing maybe a paragraph. Looking at them now, they became much more than that. One paragraph turned into 3, 4 and 5 paragraphs. I think I have found my love for writing just by creating this blog.

I have always kept a journal but for the most part I only wrote in it when I was upset. Since the beginning of time I was never able to write about anything positive. Even when I have been upset I still found it hard to get all of my thoughts down on paper. I think I have now come to realize why. I cannot write as fast as my thoughts are flowing through my head. My thoughts run rapid and when I am trying to get it all down I tend to forget something I really wanted to write while I was still writing about something else. I would write words on the margins just to not forget I wanted to write about that certain thought. This can be very frustrating when all you want to do is GET YOUR THOUGHTS OUT!!

Now that I have started this blog I am realizing it much easier to write. I type about 65 words per minute (not bragging though I take pride in my typing skills) so that in itself helps tremendously. I can type almost as fast as I am thinking. Like I said, my thoughts run rapid and now I find myself having all these ideas in my head and can't wait to get to a computer to write them down. Now that I have this blog, I have a place to put these thoughts and it's not a burden to me anymore. Also I just discovered the blogger app, so if needed I can blog on the go. Hip Hip Hooray!

I am just glad that I have found this new love for something. I never thought I would enjoy writing as much as I do now.
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On to the next... In the last couple of weeks I have been doing some major soul searching. I have been in this negative space for far too long and I am willing to do whatever it takes to switch all of that negativity into something positive.

There was something that I had been persistently pushing in the back of my head that kept creeping it's way to my frontal lobe. There is this girl that I do not know very well but she is Preston's best friend's girlfriend. Long story short, I had heard a lot of bad things about her before meeting her. When finally meeting her I tried to put all of that aside and get my own impression. I found out quick that I did not like this girl. My animosity towards her was impelling more and more. I still have not an inkling as to why I hated her so much. I had certain things I knew I didn't like but nothing important enough to make just the mere sight of her throw me into a shit mood.

After I started my soul searching and trying to figure out where all of this negativity was coming from I realized I needed to do something about my feelings towards her. Now keep in mind it is very hard for me to do what I ended up doing. I'm not one to admit my faults easily, especially to someone that I didn't like. But I sucked it up, grew some balls and said fuck it. DO THE RIGHT THING ROXANNE. I wrote her an email explaining everything I needed to get off my chest that was about her and apologized for all of my unkindness towards her. I told her I wasn't expecting anything from her and was not trying to be her friend and that I just needed to get this out of me. Her response was very nice and she also apologized for the things she had done. I know we will never be real friends but I guess I can say we can now be around each other with no hard feelings and be acquaintances. It was like the world had lifted off of my shoulders. It felt so good to get all of that out and I already feel so much better mentally and emotionally.

This post has been extremely long and probably extremely boring to read so I will stop now and save you from further punishment.