Joined: Wed Mar 27, 2013 5:09 amPosts: 13527Location: Down under Down Under

Punathon: Giving Karishad Some Competition

We all know how much Karishad loves a good (read: bad) pun, so let's see if we can give him a run for his money in an all out Punathon. Post all your favourite puns here. Remember to keep them clean and inoffensive.

I'll start the ball rolling, so to speak, with a few I wrote myself:

My friend said to me the other day, he said to me, "Hlaoroo," he said, "Hlaoroo, I heard a really great joke about the number zero." I said "Oh, that's nothing."

I walked onto Old Macdonald's farm the other day and immediately got hit in the head by a young goat. I said "You've gotta be kidding me."

I heard a guy boasting the other day that he was the best brass player in the world. He's gotta be tooting his own horn.

I have a friend who has a pet hare and whenever I try to pat it it always hisses and tries to bite me. Apparently it's because I rabbit the wrong way.

Old Macdonald told me that his goslings had hatched so he now had too many geese. I said "Cool. Can I take a gander?"

Did you hear about the sheep who was an expert deep-fryer? He was a battering ram. Or how about the sheep who loved putting the spread on toast? He was a buttering ram.

My friend once showed me this old broken down car and said "I bet you can't make a joke about that." I said "Yeah, that's never going to go anywhere."

You know, I can never get my laundry done. I always end up throwing in the towel.

I was watching the figure skating in the olympics with a friend the other day and there was a horrible accident where one guy got run over and the skates cut his legs off right below the knees. I said "Well it's pretty obvious who's going to win this." My friend said "What makes you say that?" I said" Well it's obviously not that guy - he just got de-feeted."

I ran into this huge crockery display in the store the other day and the whole thing fell on top of me and knocked me to the ground. You could say I was bowled right over by it.

I fired my window cleaner the other day because I caught him dropping his dacks and flashing my windows. He was leaving them all streaked.

You know, these two front teeth here are fake. I lost them both in the dentist the other day. I was sitting there in the chair and the dentist says "I'm gonna have to pull out that there tooth." So he whips out his pliers and yanks it out. He holds it up and goes "There you go, it's out." I go "It can't be. It can't be out that quick." He says "Yes. It is." I said "Oh, pull the other one!"

I'm allergic to tubers but we've never figured out why. We've never been able to get to the root of the problem.

Whew. I think that's enough to begin with. Let's see what you guys can come up with!

Joined: Mon Mar 18, 2013 2:48 amPosts: 1710Location: The land of the dulce de leche!

Re: Punathon: Giving Karishad Some Competition

By the Pun-isher, man (I mean, rabbit). I'm surprised that, by trying to defy the fox-guy with the unpronounceable name that probably means something demonic anyway, he would sneak into your house and shave your head fur with his magical hair-eating monocle.What is that? You don't know about his magical hair-eating monocle?! I'm surprised you haven't HAIR'd of it!

_________________20th century fox? Given that this is the year 2019, that fox must be dead by now. Sadface! : (

I'm telling you, hyenas ARE canines too!

Sun Apr 14, 2013 11:18 am

Hlaoroo

FROSTWOOD FOREVER!

Joined: Wed Mar 27, 2013 5:09 amPosts: 13527Location: Down under Down Under

Re: Punathon: Giving Karishad Some Competition

Meh. I'd be more frightened of that squirrel who throws his acorns. I've heard that he drives people nuts when he shells them!

Joined: Mon Mar 18, 2013 2:48 amPosts: 1710Location: The land of the dulce de leche!

Re: Punathon: Giving Karishad Some Competition

Acorn-ing to records, that's true.Oh, man! (I mean, bunny!) I had a good pun but it's not safe for dork, I mean, work, or for school, or when your parents SEA you watching at your computer.But I know for a FAX that:The cake is a lie!The cake is a pie!The cake is a dye!The cake is a sigh!The cake is a fry!The cake is a far cry!The cake is a SPY!!!!Spy is SAMPLING mah sentry!!!!

_________________20th century fox? Given that this is the year 2019, that fox must be dead by now. Sadface! : (

I'm telling you, hyenas ARE canines too!

Sun Apr 14, 2013 11:46 am

Hlaoroo

FROSTWOOD FOREVER!

Joined: Wed Mar 27, 2013 5:09 amPosts: 13527Location: Down under Down Under

Re: Punathon: Giving Karishad Some Competition

...I can't make head nor tail of that lot.If, however, you'd written about lettuce instead of cake, then I could have discerned the tale of a head.

Joined: Mon Mar 18, 2013 2:48 amPosts: 1710Location: The land of the dulce de leche!

Re: Punathon: Giving Karishad Some Competition

Ressive slew another adversary, splitting him in half as swiftly and easily as butter. Each time he befell an enemy, he made a solemn bow to the Dark Lord watching the competition behind the magically enchanted glass window atop the roof of the arena, from where the entire fighting grounds, and the gore and carnage in it, could be seen clear as daylight. That is, if daylight ever shone on those abominable territories under the Dark Lord's domain."M'Lord, look at that one go!"- Said the Dark Lord's evil advisor.The Dark Lord's armor-clad posture seemed to, for lack of a better word, soften a bit as he stated, with his otherworldly, cavernous, and outright soul-chilling voice- "That is indeed quite the warrior, and knows when to show respect to his betters, such as me! What is the name of that competitor?""His name is Ressive, master. Of clan Farkalof of the Thunder Mountains."- Said the evil advisor in his ever so serene and appealing, yet clearly twisted voice."I've noticed a reddish hue to his skin,"- said the Dark Lord-"Does he happen to have some demonic inheritance?""Yes, M'Lord,"-answered the advisor inmedeatelly-"many clans from the Thunder Mountains and neighbouring territories have had dealings with the hellspawn for almost a century, now.""So he IS a member of such demonic lineage, that's good!"- said the Dark Lord, a tone of pleased amusement on each word."Good? How so, M'Lord?"- asked the evil advisor, puzzled."Because that would make him imp-ressive!"- the Dark Lord answered.Then they both loled out loud until their heads exploded. I guess you could say they LOLliPOPed!

_________________20th century fox? Given that this is the year 2019, that fox must be dead by now. Sadface! : (

I'm telling you, hyenas ARE canines too!

Mon Apr 15, 2013 4:20 pm

Penwrite

Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2010 11:03 amPosts: 3407Location: Canterlot

Re: Punathon: Giving Karishad Some Competition

I wanted to host a senior citizen surfing contest, but everyone I invited was all washed-up.

Mon Apr 15, 2013 4:30 pm

ChewyChewy

Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2010 3:23 pmPosts: 5460

Re: Punathon: Giving Karishad Some Competition

Silly Zealot Wrote:

RandomGeekNamedBrent Wrote:

just make sure it's cooked all the way through. It could give you the trots. (a poop joke and a pun. only the highest caliber comedy)

Rob Petrie said of his boss Alan Brady: "A man of his caliber has great firing power!"

From the same sitcom:

Rob: "Two days in the shoe business and already I'm a heel."Laura: "No, you're not. You're a very nice man who just made a terrible pun."Rob: "I do not make terrible puns. Now, hand me the nutcracker, sweet."

Quite a number of years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing Beethoven's Ninth under the baton of Milton Katims...

Now at this point, you must understand two things.

1. There's a quite long segment in this symphony where the bass violins don't have a thing to do. Not a single note for page after page.

2. There used to be a tavern called Dez's 400 right across the street from the Seattle Opera House, rather favored by local musicians.

It had been decided that during this peformance, after the bass players had played their parts in the opening of the Ninth, they were to quietly lay down their instruments and leave the stage rather than sit on their stools looking and feeling dumb for twenty minutes. Well, once they got backstage, someone suggested that they trot across the street and quaff a few brews.

After they had downed the first couple rounds, one said, "Shouldn't we be getting back? It'd be awfully embarrassing if we were late."

Another, presumably the one who suggested this excursion in the first place, replied, "Oh, I anticipated we could use a little more time, so I tied a string around the last pages of the conductor's score. When he gets down to there, Milton's going to have to slow the tempo way down while he waves the baton with one hand and fumbles with the string with the other."

So they had another round and finally returned to the Opera House, a little tipsy by now. However, as they came back on stage, one look at their conductor's face told them there were in serious trouble. Katims was furious! And why not? After all...

It was the bottom of the Ninth,the basses were loaded,and the score was tied.

I'm pondering on how to create fancy funny pan puns but a panting panicking fanatic panther is punishing me for fantasizing about funneling all into the punchline, creating some fantastically huge pandemonium.

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