Rabbi Shlomo Lipschitz, of the controversial, yet popular PhuqueU Yeshiva Synagogue, announced that the 12,000 yo ruins found in southern Turkey are definitely Jewish.

The Rabbi says this he knows because he and some other rabbis have already deciphered some of the ornate hieroglyphics and on one stone, he claims that they say this: "For the loan of two shekels, you will pay me back three. Unless you are a GOY, then you will pay me back six shekels."

The Rabbi, barely able to contain his joy at this find, says that they have deciphered only partially some of the other runes sayings, like this one:

"The Holy One can sleep with a three yo child, but only the Holy One" The Rabbi explains in a obvious exuberant tone that the "Holy One" is an obvious reference to an ancient Rabbi, maybe even an ancestor of Shlomo.

Shlomo says Rabbis sleeping with a 3 yo is an ancient tradition that goes back thousands of years and is accorded a holy rite, according to their Talmud.

Another hieroglyphic says that "We are the Chosen Ones, who shall rule through out eternity" and this, the Rabbi says, is another indication of the superiority of the Master Race that is the Jewish people.

Shlomo excitedly points at what appears to be a etching of a large body of fire, with some type of horned being sitting on a throne, lording over all. "See, see, this is a engraving, crude yes, but an engraving of how our ancestors depicted our G-d" says Shlomo. "We of the Chosen Ones have been offering sacrifices to our G-d and this find only enforces that we are on the track we need to be" Shlomo proclaims.

"We have been telling the Gentile for millennia that the Jews are chosen by our G-d and this ancient site proves that we have been right in starting numerous wars and inflicting untold pain and misery upon the GOY over the centuries, to prove to those cattle that we are the Chosen Ones", said Shlomo.

At this point, the Rabbi excused himself, saying he had to perform a metzitzah b'peh--circumcision on a baby boy--and that he most definitely did not want to be late, since he feared another Rabbi might get to slurp the choicest blood.