Welcome to Barely Legal: The Blog; This blog is run by two recent law school grads, Russ and Mike. Back when we were still law students, this was the most popular law student run blog in the world. Now, who knows what we are or what this blog is. Nevertheless, everything on this blog is uncontroverted fact, and should be interpreted as such.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Rejection Letter Madness

Almost every law student experiences a healthy dose of rejection when they are searching for a summer job. Since I am not ranked in the top 10% at a top 10 school, nor do I have close family connections to set me up with a nice summer clerkship, finding a job requires a little more effort. In addition to checking the job postings at the CSO, this means sending out lots of resumes. This, in turn, means that I have received my fair share of rejection letters. But not all rejection letters are the same. Here are a few examples of what I received.

Dear [Mike],The position which you interviewed for has been filled.

This one is short and sweet and to the point, which I can appreciate. The only problem is that they used an entire piece of company letterhead to send one sentence. If this is their standard rejection letter, they should get company postcards printed up. It would be cheaper.

Dear [Mike],

At this time we are not hiring a law clerk. We will keep your resume on file if our needs change.Interpretation: We might hire a summer law clerk, if the nephew of our founding partner needs a job. Your resume is in the trash. Thanks for writing.

Dear [Mike],Thank you for your resume. Your qualifications were very impressive, but at this time, we have no plans to hire a summer clerk. I am fully confident that a person with your qualifications will have no problem finding summer employment. Best of luck.

This is by far my favorite. I received several like this. They build you up as they reject you. This is the equivalent of a girl saying: ‘Mike, you are a great guy who will make some girl very happy. But I’m just not looking for a relationship right now’. Even though you suspect you are being bullshitted, it’s just too nice to get angry with.

Dear [Mike],Thank you for your interest in the summer clerk position with the University’s Legal Services Office. Unfortunately, you are not one of the applicants chosen for an interview. We felt that your qualifications did not match those of the ideal candidate.

When I first received this, I thought I misread it. It is harsh and vague. I’m not sure what qualifications they were looking for, since my GPA and class rank were well within the parameters specified within the job posting, and they didn’t require any special skills or experience. But this one is nice compared to the worst one I got:

Dear [Mike],We received your cover letter and resume indicating an interest in a summer clerkship. We regret to inform you that you have not been selected for an interview. Your qualifications did not match up to some of the other applicants, or to the high standards we impose upon our summer clerks. Good luck with the rest of law school.

Interpretation: Dear Mike: Fuck you. Who do you think you are? Did you actually think a prestigious law firm like ours would hire someone like you? You and your non-Ivy league law school make me sick. I hate myself and my life, so I’m taking it out on you. Thanks for playing, asshole.