NASA announces mission to Chalmette for 2021

NASA is slated to undertake its boldest mission to date. The agency today announced it will send humans to the deepest reaches of Chalmette by 2021.

Chalmette, considered one of the most unfamiliar and mysterious areas in the entire solar system, will be the most significant challenge NASA has faced since its founding in 1958.

Seen here is the Pre-Mission Observation Center for the Mission to Chalmette, gathering information on NASA’s upcoming challenge.

Agency officials say they began considering the peculiar area for a potential mission in 2008 after one of their observatories detected Yammering Audial Transmission waves in a quadrant known as Daparish. YAT waves, discovered less than a decade ago and not yet fully understood, are likely be markers of advanced communication.

“YAT waves are extremely confusing if you don’t know what you’re looking for or doing,” said Dr. Caden Leigh, lead scientist at the Ermagerd Radio Telescope Observatory in Utah.

“The waves tend to register as strong, clean signals but can seem it is just cosmic garbage to the untrained ear and eye. In fact, YAT waves still confuse many experts.”

While little is known about Chalmette, officials say their initial studies indicate it may be one of the most promising places in the solar system to search for signs of alien life.

An artist’s rendering of an astronaut exploring Chalmette’s mysterious surface.

“The signals we detect from the Chalmette area are unlike anything we’ve ever encountered,” said Dr. Leigh.

“I can’t say for certain that we’ve come across evidence of alien life, but it sure is looking that way.”

While many scientists believe the signs point to alien life sending the signals, NASA officials remain cautiously optimistic.

“Today, we’re taking a historic step in our quest to find signs of life beyond what we know,” said Louis Aravind, administrator for NASA’s Mission Planning and Development of Really Expensive Shit.

“The goal of this mission is to conduct a detailed survey of Chalmette and investigate its habitability. Our observations have provided some really exciting clues, and the time has come to seek answers.”

The patch to be worn by the crew sent on the mission to Chalmette in 2021.

The mission calls for a crew to embark from Cape Canaveral, Florida in mid-2021, arriving in Chalmette’s outer boundaries after a journey of 10 hours via I-10. The plan includes taking images of Chalmette’s surface at high-resolution and investigating its composition and the structure of its soil.

“This mission, as well as its following ones up and down the road, is significant for understanding more about ourselves and our universe, regardless of if we find signs of life,” said Aravind.

Amidst massive budget cuts, NASA is taking donations from the public to help move the mission forward. Donations come with an exclusive, limited edition Mission to Chalmette t-shirt, available here.

Knowla

Follow on Facebook

NOLA Memes & Junk

About Neutral Ground News

Neutral Ground News is a satire and parody publication primarily about New Orleans news that should not be taken seriously or by anyone dead on the inside and is intended for an immature audience over 18 years of age.

First, get that checked by a doctor to make sure it’s not contagious. While you’re in the waiting room, create your own New Orleans meme with our new, super fancy generator. Click here to father/mother your own NOLA meme.