Saturday, 10 November 2012

Update

I have been on my medication for 8 days now and I wish it would start working! Right now I just am taking the samples that my doctor gave me (No insurance does that to you). My doctor said it would take between 2-4 weeks before it will start to work. I am having a hard time coping with what life throws my way.

The job I got...I had to quit because of my anxiety and I just couldn't cope. They didn't train me at all and expected me to run my department by myself. I also was supposed to be part time, but I was working more than 40 hours a week. And furthermore, I had a hard time with customers yelling at me when I did nothing wrong and just being plain rude to me. I made sure that I gave them the best service I could and keep my composure. When I got home I just cried and cried. I had such bad anxiety that I didn't sleep for days because I obsessed about going to work.

I had my phone off for about a week and I turned it on yesterday and my one friend left a lot of text messages and even called and left a message because she didn't hear from me and was really worried. I told her I just couldn't find my charger for my phone. I haven't told my friends that I quit my job yet. I am just so ashamed and I don't want to have to explain my mental health. They are still in college so they are a couple hours away so I haven't seen them since I graduated in June.

I am focused on trying to be as stable as I can. I won't be able to start therapy for months because they are so backed up. The therapy will be free, but I need it now for me to start to heal. I also want to start seeing a psychiatrist, but I would have to pay for that and I don't have money to do so.

My mom is being as supportive as she can. She just doesn't understand the way I feel or that I feel it all the time. She also doesn't understand that my medication is not working yet and I still am very depressed and have severe anxiety. I'll make another post about how I feel and what I go through on a daily basis, basically what my symptoms are and maybe an experience or two.