Modern Dating Advice for Smart Singles

The Myth Of Being Special And Why You’re Not

I don’t think that it would ever come into question whether I have a degree in psychology or any social or behavioral study but just for the record I don’t. What I do know is how to draw commonalities between people’s actions. I observe and report on everything I’ve learned about dating over the years. As awkward and unpopular as my information might be it has always been accurate.

Not perfect but accurate.

The characteristics that we can’t always acknowledge about ourselves we are quick to notice in others, making us realize but not ready to admit how similar people can be. Too often we don’t want to be similar. We want to be special.

In some fantasy land/alternate universe special people live these awesome lives and have amazing partners, hot sex and racks on racks on racks.

They are beautiful, smart and most of all happy. But in most people’s minds happy translates into a life of wealth, luxury and of course hot sex.

In my video, The Importance of Average I talk about why it’s important to cover the basis of normal first. People are so weird that being average, standard and typical seems like a luxury. That’s why I wanted to particularly mention that I hold no degrees because the truth is, people are weird.

The clinical explanation (might be): Most adults suffer emotional wounds in childhood that without acknowledgement and attention can stunt and severely affect their maturity.

When I say that people are weird, I’m referring to the common aversion most of have to happiness. Why don’t we want to be happy? Why don’t you? I’m sorry I should’ve asked first, ‘Are you happy?’ I’m not assuming that you aren’t happy, what I am claiming is that many people, single and boo’d up, do things that disrupt their happy potential.

Why it’s done I’m not sure, but to be plain, we get in our way. When it comes to love, happiness and dating, we tend to push away what we want the most.

First, admit to what you want and why you want it. As superficial as it seems, I remember watching ‘The Ricki Lake’ show where teen girls were having babies, just to have something one to love.

If you simply want someone to love you and tell you that your imperfections as lovable, that’s fine, admit it. If you want someone who trusts you and is loyal to you no matter what, admit it. If you want a Bonnie to your Clyde, who you can create your own world with, admit to that too.

The first aspect to being weird is the inability to admit that you want the very thing that you want the most. Men and women are afraid to admit that they want the very love that would contribute the most to their happiness but are not shy about the lengths they’ll go for that love.

For example, we are more than eager to slow creep past a lovers’ home or call a former love 20 times in frustration but unwilling to admit how important a relationship, and commitment really are to us.

The reality of being normal versus weird is being able to say what you want and refuse what you don’t want.

We want other people to like us. Not because we desire their affections but because we so deeply fear the rejection. We want to be liked because when we’re not it reminds us that we are not perfect (duh). It also reminds us of that time in third grade when our best friend wasn’t our best friend any more. Or any other tragic rejection that its hard to imagine we still hold on to but we do. Because our parents didn’t hug us enough, support us enough or tell us we were beautiful enough.

The weird people are the ones who pretend to be unaffected by the fears we all have about intimacy and dating. The weird ones are the ones who can’t admit that they need anyone or want anyone or that love even matters at all. The very weird people are the ones who keep things so superficial and generic that they idolize their date before they even get to know them.

Our only goal in dating is to be as normal as we possibly can. We don’t need to try harder or be prettier or act tougher than the next guy because we’re all too similar in our weirdness and hang-ups already.

I understand that many single men and women don’t quite grasp how weird they at times but it doesn’t hurt to ask yourself, ‘Why do I do this, or why am I like this?’

The answer is likely because you don’t want to get hurt. If you can acknowledge that, it makes you just like everybody else.

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One thought on “The Myth Of Being Special And Why You’re Not”

Acknowledging similarity to everyone else can be a huge blow to someone’s ego, which is most likely no one tends to do it. Only then, however, can we be able to follow advice pointed at “the normal” (just like it should be!)

I thoroughly loved your tips on if you want to keep your man.. Though I myself comes from the men fraternity yet could not refrain from liking the minute detail you explained as I Could have easily relate to each point 😄. That's why , the marriage kills the romance because of those bad traits.

Miss Solomon - He Hasn’t Called, Now What…

Thank you for your comment, and for reading. My advice is this. A man should be cherishing and chasing you. A man should be worried that he will lose you if he doesn't show you attention. If a man isn't treating you like you're valuable to him, don't stay with him. Show your own value by leaving him alone. You don't need anyone in your life who makes you feel like you're second class. I hope this was helpful.

Miss Solomon - 5 Bad Habits That Chase Men Away

Thank you so much for your comment and thank you for reading! I know this is easy to say but the best way to approach men that you like is to remove yourself from the outcome. Yes, you want a date, and I think it's great that you took the initiative but don't beat yourself up about the outcome. The circumstances might not be right. There is one way I recommend taking action in dating to see results. It's a simple process - Step 1. Write down 3 possible scenarios A,B,C - A being if nothing happens, B being if it something happens but not what you expected, C being if your ideal results happen. Then try to imagine how you would feel in each scenario. Prepare yourself for no response, for a rejection, or for a date. If you're prepared for any outcome, its easy to take action. Just don't NEED anything certain result. Just take action because you're a brave person willing to take risks, and go after what you want. Instead of worrying about the result, just focus on taking action. It's not about what happens, it's about taking the action, accepting the result as feedback and moving forward with new information. I think you did a great thing! and the action itself means more than the result because you showed confidence. If you don't get a date, that's ok. But don't stop right taking action where you can. I hope this was helpful.

Danica - 5 Bad Habits That Chase Men Away

there is this guy who flirts with me, shows all 32 teeth when smiling at me and sighs around me a lot, well I do like him and think the feeling is mutual, but ive asked men out in the past and that did NOT turn out as I had hoped. but I decided to give it another shot by giving my crush a Christmas card and writing in it the following "me and you coffee with my name/number" and if he is interested he has my digits. is that too much or not.

lizzy - He Hasn’t Called, Now What…

i want u to advice me ma.there is dis guy v bn lvn for d past 10yrs i lata told im my filns and he agri to date ever since dat day he hasnt called or text v bn the 1 textn and calln.what can i do