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Monday, October 1, 2012

Little Playthings

"I had offered myself...to the Child Jesus as His little plaything. I told Him not to use me as a valuable toy children are content to look at but dare not touch, but to use me like a little ball of no value which He could throw on the ground, push with His foot, pierce, leave in a corner, or press to His Heart if it pleased Him."

Well, as you can see, I am still here.
Writing, not entering.
A student insread of a postulant.

Others are beginning to notice. Just today one of my former students came to me and asked, "Aren't you gong to be a nun?"

The honest answer is, conventiently enough, also the shortest: I don't know.
Quite a while ago God told me to wait...and wait...and wait... Now, it seems as though I am not just waiting to know what to do about my future and my vocation, but as though my entire life is on hold. This quote from Saint Therese has always been one of my favorites from her, and it has been much on my mind lately. It really feels as though God has "left me in a corner".

Saint Therese, please help me to truthfully make your request my own. I want to offer myself--my entire will--to Jesus, for Him to do with me as He pleases. I want to Love whatever circumstances or position He sees fit to place me in, and not merely resign myself to His Will. However, this takes a humility and patience which I just do not have, and it is so very hard. Please teach me your childlike trust, your simple Love of Jesus and lack of self, so that I, too, may happily be His little "plaything".