Sunday, January 14, 2018

How to Meet Girls

Making friends as an adult is a
tough business. When I lived in Florida, I never thought about it, because when
you live in one place for thirty years, the good ones stay around for ever
after. I knew I’d miss my girl friends—mostly the full-on belting laughter and
jokes, the sentences that didn’t need endings, the day trips and overnights—but I absolutely underestimated
the difficulty of finding good girlfriends who can turn a story into a joke.

When I knew I would be leaving
Tampa, and had to choose one place from seven, I went with Omaha because though
I didn’t have any roots there, I had smoke signals. I was a ghost who had haunted
the place, off and on, for eight years, and thought that was more than enough to
get started.

And it was okay. Omaha was okay.
But making friends was tough. Three years in, I was talking to my creative
writing class about it (because, I mean, my classes were totally who I talked
to most of the time, especially to get advice about the social dynamics of the
city), and they explained a good amount of things about Nebraskans. The big
reveal though, the a-ha moment that answered the question of why, at that point
in time, I had only hung out with two girls, separately, once a piece, at
non-work related events, is this: niceties sidestep the truth.

My creative writing class
explained how it always happened, even to them, people who had lived their whole timelines in the Midwest, and knew the score. It’s like this: you go out
with a maybe-soon-to-be friend, you have a great time, and at the end of the
night, you say “see you soon” or “we should totally do this again” or “best
night evr!!!” And you drive away feeling alright, and that’s the end. You never
hang out again. That’s the hand the Nebraskans deal, and man, is that depressing and self-alarming (remember when I dyed my hair brown? I thought it'd be the magic move).

Three years was a long time to
wait for this information, and I got it right at the tail-end, right when I
knew we were on our way out of the Midwest and moving into Mountain Time.

The thing about making friends in
Florida is this: most everyone is from somewhere else, and being someone from
the state is a novelty to anyone new. These two aspects made friend-making
easy. Everyone was looking for someone else. Everyone was up for a party.

But move to the insides of the
country, and you realize that’s not the easy case. It isn’t just that lots of
people have their forever-friends around (like my good funny Florida girls),
but they have shared interests because where they live, that’s what you do.

When I moved to Omaha, I thought
it was weird there were no dance clubs—so that was a no-go that I’d relied on
from the start (my girlfriends and I were making up dances from 7 years old
up). But there is a great writing community (which pulls one out of her room), and I
thought about other ways to meet girls. I went to the gym a lot (God, how this
doesn’t work), and I took a lot of yoga (my friends, this is not a social sport—it’s
still in the range of niceties). Three
months in, I started ballet. Meeting girls didn’t work so well the first
year, though it did kind of work the second. Eventually, I realized my
socialization would occur at work, work related events, and organized
activities. (This is the chin-up, Annie, point of the story. Not as good as the
original, but okay, I guess. In truth, the best girl night I had occurred four
days before I moved away [right?], and I'm pretty sure more times like that will
happen, when I come back to town [seriously, the thing about good girlfriends
is that they are worth traveling for. my best Florida funny girls are coming to see me in May, and I'm telling you, I am preoccupied with thoughts of fun times ahead]).

So now I am in Rapid City, about a
month in. There is a girl gang in my community, but they’re all 65+ and all have little, snapping dogs. They are nice, but we don’t understand each other’s
half-sentences, and no one has made me laugh. There is no writing community or adult
ballet here, and I went to one Ballet Booty Barre class and met a pilot who is
deploying to Quatar soon, she seemed nice, but that class was canceled in favor of
ballroom. And I don’t know if I would find the girls I’m looking for at a
ballroom class. So there’s the gym, which really, is always weird. There’s
group-silent yoga. There are a ton of fine arts classes, but God, I am awful at
throwing clay and painting (when I had to take pottery in high school, my big
project was a cookie plate I made with cookie cutters). So all the things I do: photography, sewing, ballet, club dancing, and writing, aren't community-sets. So I have to think of
something new. Maybe tennis. There might be some funny-girl tennis players around town.

Oh, hi flwaless! Beauty, I like to speak beautifull girls. I know that some one from them is not very smart, but is it wrong enjoy women's beauty? I may do this with the help of video chat online https://coomeet.com/, it gives to me possibility watch on them in random order and speak to each of them. I also like mixed dating events, parties, and all what contain the free communication!