Main Character in Lex Allen's Imagine Trilogy. I am the son of Yahweh, Universally Renowned Physicist and El, Philosopher/Teacher. I have visited your world three times, the most notably as Jesus Christ.

Monday, October 27, 2014

SATAN CRIES, "FOUL!"

PETITIONS UNIVERSAL COURT

In an
unprecedented legal move today, Satan filed grievances against God for infringement
of rules governing the tactical use of minions. In his suit, Satan contends
that God has changed tactics and use of his own “God-fearing adherents” to
commit atrocities while reaping the profits, without any credit or soul
transfer to Satan. “He’s been stealing souls under false pretenses, basically,”
said Satan Chief of Staff, Adolph Hitler. “Satan is fed up and demands
compensation from the highest court.”

Efforts
by Satan and his strongest followers to change the tide of corruption and
murder by people claiming allegiance to God have apparently failed. “He’s using
our tactics! How do you combat evil with evil?” Hitler moans.

Satan’s
Secretary of State, Jim Jones, former leader of the Peoples
Temple Agricultural Project. “Look, I used a similar tactic when I was on Earth.
I lured people to me in the name of that fucker, God and then helped them kill
themselves, but that’s not the same thing.”

Why
now, though? Throughout the history of mankind, man’s inhumanity to man was
often generated by religion or dictatorial leaders claiming divine guidance.

“Not
the same scale,” says Hitler. “Sure, I had the Catholic Pope’s blessing when I
murdered those fucking Jews, and yeah, I claimed God as my benefactor. But,
that’s all pennies compared to the megabucks atrocities occurring now.”

When
asked what was happening now that had changed the status quo and upset Satan
enough to take legal action, Hitler was straight to the point. “Look, you’ve
got men and women in the US Congress that claim to be devout followers of God
passing laws based upon His best-selling novel…a work of pure fiction, for
Satan’s sake! Religious leaders, while claiming to do otherwise, are fomenting
their followers against each other.

“The
global pharmaceutical industry is killing people by the millions with their
lies and cover-ups. Can you believe that they are injecting new diseases in third
world countries in order to reap the profits selling their “cures” to those who
can afford it?

“There
are corporate CEO’s and bankers out there wreaking havoc with peoples’ lives,
driving them into debt, poverty, and finally, crime. The military industrial
complex is instigating random wars over Earth’s resources, but the real reason
is simply to sell more weapons; the oil industry doesn’t care, they’re all
under one hat anyway. And these are not OUR people! Most of the leaders in all of these categories claim to be Christian, Muslim, or Jewish...God's People!"

Prior
to storming off in disgust, Hitler added, “Bottom line is this. God is cheating
and illegally increasing his profits in souls. Just because HE has become a
source of evil in the world, we can’t follow his underhanded tactics and switch
to being good, now can we? No, legal action is our only remaining recourse.”

As
of this report, neither God nor anyone from his staff was available for
comment.