Looking for the key master

I was heading into the office this morning and stopped for a cup of coffee on the town square.

After I parked, I saw a red car parked two spaces away. The car keys were on top of the trunk lid.

Quick detective work. The vanity license plates were the driver’s two initials. I know that because the driver left some mail and paperwork on the dashboard. It had the name of the driver — who is an attorney — and that matched the plates.

I used The Google to get his phone number, called, and was forwarded to his cell phone. I left a message.

Then I called the various court officials at the county courthouse. They hadn’t seen him. I was planning to search for him, but as I wrote this, he showed up in the coffeehouse.

I gave him the keys and then we talked and drank coffee.

Meanwhile…

Believe it or notWe are asked to believe that a woman caught her husband cheating via Google Street View. I’ll wait for Snopes to weigh in on this before I bite.ValleyWag

School for ScoundrelsOprah’s school in Africa has been rocked by scandal again. Maybe she should just buy the kids cars and be done with it.Perez Hilton

First rule: Don’t take my adviceI joined the rotation of moms giving parenting advice in the print edition’s SA Life section this morning. Every month, I’ll impart wisdom gained from being a bad father to six good kids. This will continue until I have nothing to write, or until the kids get a lawyer — probably the guy with the missing keys — and obtain a restraining order.mySA

YAPH (Yet another Palin humiliation)The Religious Right Christian Right might crap and go blind, as they say in East Texas, when they find out that truth-challenged Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin — their shining hope for 2012 — is getting political and fund-raising advice from a Scientologist. That doesn’t bother me, but this does — the dude’s wife is Fox News’ Greta Van Susteren, who has made a career of doing puff pieces on Paliln and who went overboard Sunday defending her ball-and-chain on her blog.Gawker: Palin’s advisorGawker: Van Susteren’s blog

What, exactly, is the “Religious Right”? And is it kin to Hillary’s mythical “vast right wing conspiracy”? Do they carry membership cards? Are they like, say, the Masons, with Secret Handshakes? What is their moral equivalent on the left? Or does the left exist? Perhaps, there is only the “Religious Right” and (wink) “mainstream America”. Are the “Religious Right” Catholics, or Baptists, or Jews, or Islamics, or Scientologists, or Darwinists, or Abortionists, or Methodists, or Global Warmists…. Just what religion do you refer in the “Religious Right”?

How familiar are you with the “crap and go blind” routine anyway? Sounds like you’ve had some experience with this? Are you from East Texas?

When I read this post, I get the impression you think have some knowledge about any of this. So I read your SA piece. Nope, nothing new there either.

Nice job with the lawyer, though. Everyone needs an act of charity now and th…… oh wait! D-oh!