Being Me Anywhere

I remember the first time the sensation came to me. It was morning. I opened my eyes and scanned the fuzzy outlines of daylight.

Where was I?

I put on my glasses and saw the clear outlines of my surroundings. Relieved, I set my glasses back on the night stand then let my head fall back on my pillow. My eyelids began to drop in hopes of a few more moments rest as I thought, Ah yes. San Antonio, Texas. That’s right, I live here now.

My eyelids flew back up.

Holy shit! I moved to Texas!

Then I felt it. It started as a tingle in my center, then radiated outwards until my fingers and toes were awakened. The line of thinking it encapsulated goes something like this:

I moved thousands of miles away from home and I’m OK.

I moved thousands of miles away from home and I’m still ME.

I can be me anywhere.

I can BE anywhere!

I cannot tell you how excited and at peace I was with this feeling. I didn’t know it then, but this feeling would become the essence of my being. Sure, it took me years to get the logic clear from point #1 to point #4, but the sensation that started it all first appeared to me that day on West Gramercy Place way down in San Antone.

Hiking the hills above The Gorge

Fast forward 13 years to a few May nights in The Columbia River Gorge. On one such night I was, once again, lying in bed. This time I was trying to fall asleep, but, alas, sleep would not come.

Instead, I lay awake thinking about my upcoming adventure; living “on the road” without a permanent address. It would be just me, my car, my laptop, and a suitcase. I lay awake that night not just thinking, but mostly fearing.

I feared I was making a mistake. I feared missing the cozy cottage I’d been calling home. I feared a life without the immense quiet and solitude I’d grown accustomed to. Who would I be without these things? Could I BE me?

Over the next few days, the sleeplessness cycle continued. I had no idea how to counter my anxiety, so instead I took a friend’s advice and accepted it as part of me. (I should note this is much easier said than done. I didn’t just magically accept it. It was a struggle and it took effort, but it was worth it.)

This acceptance allowed my mind to calm and clear. It was only at this point when I remembered that morning back in SA Town, and the essence that came with it.

I don’t need the cottage or the quiet. I can BE anywhere.

Published by Lis

I’m a location independent woman, consultant, and writer on a quest to see and learn about as much of life as I can. I believe it’s possible to live one’s fullest life on our own terms, and I plan on proving myself right.