Status of a completed therapy, woman 45 years, thematic was: feeling comfortable in Denmark and in her relationships with her husband and stepdaughter

Status of a completed therapy, woman 45 years, thematic was: feeling comfortable in Denmark and in her relationships with her husband and stepdaughter.

Below you can read a status summary for a completed therapy by a 45 year-old woman, who has had 15 sessions prior to completing therapy.

The status may give you an impression of what it is like to start therapy and how building preferred stories can help coping with challenging/problematic relationships.

The text has been made anonymous.

BackgroundGender and age?
Female 45

Which country are you from and which part of Denmark do you live in?
USA
Copenhagen

How long time did you have therapy at Spirit and Mind ApS?
9 months: April – December 2011

Why did you choose Spirit and Mind ApS?
The website made it seems less institutional than other places, and the price was right.

Have you had therapy/coaching before? Is there any difference between this therapy/coaching and the narrative approach? Which effect has the possible difference had?
Yes in 2002-2003. The biggest difference is that my previous therapist wasn’t active. He was more of a listener and I don’t remember hearing his input, but I rather always came to my own conclusions. My previous therapist also tape/recorded and did not take interactive notes.

I’ve enjoyed the notes and hearing Inge’s “voice”. I remember feeling frustrated with my previous therapist because I never knew what he thought, and he was always so impartial. I like the sanity-check that I have gotten from Spirit and Mind.

ProblematicHow would you describe your life/you everyday life before the therapy at Spirit and Mind ApS?
Fundamentally I felt so incredibly out-of-place in Denmark, and unheard by my husband and stepdaughter. I felt like so few things were going well, and I felt really tired from the challenge of establishing myself in Denmark.

What is the history of the problem/problems? Have you known the problem/problems for a long time?
Ever since I’ve moved to Denmark, I felt out of place. So yes, they were going on for a while, including the problems I had with my husband.

Effect of the therapyWhat do you take with you from the therapy?
I take with me a lot of things. Namely comfort in that my life is developing in a positive direction, and that I have so much to be grateful for.

What had been the most significant in the therapy?
Being more at peace with many areas of my life. Also, the realization that I don’t need to put added pressure on myself to have a positive relationship with my stepdaughter.

How effective would you say that the therapy has been?
Pretty effective. I’ve definitely pulled apart some of my problems constructively and peered into them. Without therapy, I remember getting too emotional about my problems and I felt so hopeless.

How is it to talk to Inge in English?
Easy.

You have received notes as pdf-files after each session with a summary of your own words:
• How have you used these notes?
I’ve usually read the previous sessions note right before a new session.
• Has the notes helped you/made some things easier?
Yes. I have been able to observe my own feelings and thoughts in a pared-down, simplistic form. This has been helpful because it has helped me focus on the meat of my problems, instead of getting caught up in emotional tangents.
• How often and how have you used the notes?
I’ve read the latest notes before each new session.

What is the effect of the therapy on your everyday life?
Positive. I think the tool of making gratitude lists has been very helpful. I also generally feel more balanced. It has been great to have this outlet to talk about my issues. However, I don’t notice any specific aspect of my everyday life that is attributable to therapy. I think I’ve grown and evolved in the last 9 months and therapy has been part of that evolution but not the reason for the whole evolution.

Have your thoughts about yourself changed?
Yes, I am more at peace with myself. I am also less concerned about protecting my old self, and my old ways. I know who I am. My habits and my relationships might change, but I’m not driven to fight to keep my “old self” alive, or even old belief patterns alive for that matter.

Have there been any changes in your relationship and your communication with other people?
Yes, I am more constructive and kinder in my relationships with my husband and stepdaughter. I’ve also tried to work with they way they prefer communication.

Have there been any changes in your behavior and thoughts towards other people?
I’ve let go of the need to improve my Danish, so I am a lot more comfortable in using English in my communication at work and elsewhere. I think that has been a significant change in my behavior, which in turn gives me greater confidence and has helped me build relationships.

Has there been any changes in you spare time?
I treat myself more to buying things or going out, which I take more seriously and I’m more comfortable doing. Part of it is related to having an income now and feeling financially independent.

How has the therapy affected your choices/decisions/considerations?
I notice that I don’t avoid the truth as I used too. For example, I think in the past I used to avoid telling people that I was going to therapy and now it is such a relief to simply tell the truth. I am more committed to avoiding all pretend-situations – whether it is being fake nice to my husband’s ex or committing to arrangements held by my in-laws, or talking to my boss during my MUS (medarbejdeudviklingssamtale). I’m more honest about the good and the bad. I think that comes from greater confidence in who am I am and letting go of a need to “fit in”. I take being my own ambassador seriously, and I know I am responsible for changing my life. Pretending doesn’t help.

I also do a lot more just for me. I don’t let myself be burdened by any notion of what a good wife and stepmother is. I don’t care to please my husband or stepdaughter at the cost of my own sanity and preferences – which I think was what I was doing before.

Which skills did you develop during the therapy?
Voicing my needs and concerns. Being honest to myself and those around me. Creating more comfort for myself in Denmark. Being more present (I’m working on this one!).

Have there been changes in areas that are not immediately linked to your original problem(s)/thematic(s)?
None that specifically come to mind.

What has possibly become easier since your start of the therapy?
Communicating with my husband.

Are there things that you have gotten more interested in doing after you have had therapy?
Getting back to my former hobbies. I don’t know if these are related to the therapy.

Which personal values have you possibly come closer to after the therapy?
Staying true to myself. Pushing for what I want and not making excuses for it. Relishing where I am at in the moment and enjoying the process.

FutureWhat can help you maintain the achieved changes?
Weekly journaling. Reviewing the therapy notes. Reading the self-help books that I trust.
I think I need to continuously be active in developing myself and putting energy into improving the world around me, my environment, and my relationships.

Would you recommend Spirit and Mind ApS to others, if yes why?
Yes, it is a great sounding board for one’s problems and issues. It is a great tool to get to deeper inner reflection and at the same time view one’s problems by stepping back and seeing the greater picture and greater connections in one’s life.

If you should describe the place you are now with one word, which word would you use?
Comfortable

What is the effect of making status after you have completed the therapy?
Made the progress and results of the therapy clearer.

If you should name what you take with you from the therapy with one word, what would that be?
Possibility

Contact: kontakt@spiritandmind.dk or call on 23397673

Spirit and Mind ApS wishes that therapy, coaching, outplacement and couples therapy is a possibility for all people, therefore Spirit and Mind ApS offers:

Student discount if your show a valid student card
Discount to unemployed and people that are retired from work
No discount is given on couples therapy
Sessions also in Danish